Contest #892


Cartoon

892


Name Value
Submission deadline -
Voting started -
Voting ended -
Finalists announced -
Magazine(s) announcing finalists issued -
Number of captions 5188
Number of responses 788251
Number of participants -


Dashboard

In this table, the "mean" means the empirically measured average funniness score when the "unfunny", "somewhat funny" and "funny" receive a funniness score of 1, 2, 3 respectively. "Precison" is the standard error of the mean, the standard deviation of the mean estimate. With that, a caption with an empirical mean μ and precision σ has true mean in the range [μ - 2σ, μ + 2σ] with 95% probability by the 68-95-99.7 rule assuming the responses are indepedent and identically distributed.

Rank Caption Mean Precision Total votes "Unfunny" votes "Somewhat funny" votes "Funny" votes
0 Yes, it's called Thesaurus, but you're not related. 1.7895 0.01487 3050 1417 858 775
1 And the comet missed the earth, and all the dinosaurs lived happily ever after. 1.7709 0.01365 3462 1604 1047 811
2 Now, now…it’s just an eclipse. Mass extinctions are very rare. 1.7478 0.01629 2367 1117 730 520
3 It's called evolution and you're not going to like the ending. 1.7158 0.01547 2565 1255 784 526
4 No, I'm not reading the asteroid part again. You know it gives you nightmares. 1.7034 0.01506 2589 1258 841 490
5 Go back to sleep. There's no little boy hiding under your bed. 1.6964 0.01449 2889 1447 872 570
6 Honey, do you remember when Ryan’s iguana got loose last summer? 1.6951 0.01516 2640 1326 793 521
7 Frankly yes, I preferred it when we had an elephant in the room. 1.6923 0.01509 2681 1358 790 533
8 Ok, one more then back under the bed. 1.6829 0.01473 2718 1369 842 507
9 I already checked, and there aren't any children under your bed. 1.6709 0.01506 2507 1261 810 436
10 Ok, ok, go get your leash! 1.6694 0.01420 2689 1320 938 431
11 Um... what makes you ask if you were adopted? 1.6685 0.01530 2401 1204 789 408
12 What now? A little boy is hiding under your bed? 1.6632 0.01455 2672 1357 858 457
13 You wouldn't like it. It's about evolution. 1.6590 0.01455 2698 1387 844 467
14 You don't scare me. It's a presidential election year. 1.6570 0.01483 2834 1535 736 563
15 Helen? Did you feed Cuddles, yet.? . . . Helen? 1.6543 0.01388 3052 1607 893 552
16 Bedtime was 85 million years ago. 1.6542 0.02089 1342 705 396 241
17 Keep quiet, my landlord thinks you're extinct. 1.6494 0.01479 2510 1283 824 403
18 Knights only slay dragons who don’t eat their vegetables. 1.6462 0.01416 2832 1482 870 480
19 I'll be there in five minutes to tuck you under the bed. 1.6453 0.02200 1122 574 372 176
20 Where the Wild Things Are--again? 1.6418 0.02159 1192 621 377 194
21 Karl, relax. The delivery guy will be here shortly. Then we’ll both eat. 1.6407 0.01442 2808 1505 807 496
22 When the landlord stops by, play extinct 1.6365 0.02924 685 370 194 121
23 Sorry girl, we're not allowed back at the dog park. 1.6320 0.01386 2867 1511 900 456
24 We can stop here if it’s getting too scary. 1.6222 0.01350 2896 1518 954 424
25 I promise you there are no little kids hiding in your closet. 1.6164 0.02174 1113 588 364 161
26 Nope, still not as scary as Trump. 1.6122 0.01501 2679 1529 660 490
27 But it has a happy ending. After the meteor hit, all of your ancestors became beautiful birds. 1.6064 0.01449 2429 1285 815 329
28 You need to go out again? 1.6063 0.01438 2578 1394 805 379
29 I'm not sure the shrooms are working, Steve. Can you feel anything yet? 1.6047 0.02480 931 523 253 155
30 You're supposed to be under the bed....and where's Tommy? 1.6046 0.01508 2405 1321 714 370
31 And at just that moment, the dragon realized it was a vegetarian. The End. 1.6045 0.01456 2551 1394 772 385
32 Well, that the end of this chapter. I think it’s time to tuck you under Tommy’s bed. 1.5985 0.01457 2593 1443 748 402
33 When I said, 'you could devour this in one sitting," I was talking about the book. Okay? 1.5984 0.01386 2572 1359 887 326
34 For crying out loud, Timmy, there is nothing under your bed! 1.5978 0.01483 2484 1379 725 380
35 Shouldn’t you be under my kid’s bed? 1.5952 0.01481 2401 1315 743 343
36 You want me to read you "Where the Wild Things Are" again? 1.5945 0.01478 2365 1285 754 326
37 You don’t like Wuthering Heights?? I thought you said you were a Brontë-saurus??? 1.5890 0.01661 1927 1071 577 279
38 I'm not taking you for a walk downtown after what happened in Tokyo. 1.5832 0.03111 547 306 163 78
39 Okay, okay, the dragon and the princess lived happily ever after. Now will you please go to bed? 1.5794 0.01953 1398 790 406 202
40 And then a big, mean meteor hit the earth. 1.5788 0.01672 1802 993 575 234
41 I don't know if I have one where the dragon eats both the knight AND the princess ... 1.5749 0.02051 1228 689 372 167
42 You know, Alice, these last few years you are looking a lot like your mother. 1.5704 0.02274 1094 645 274 175
43 I already read you a story, now go back under the bed. 1.5704 0.01964 1222 663 421 138
44 I just let you out for a rampage. 1.5700 0.01726 1935 1152 463 320
45 Let me finish this paragraph—then, we'll floss. 1.5660 0.01865 1417 790 452 175
46 “No, you don't appear until the climactic battle scene.” 1.5624 0.01914 1819 1178 259 382
47 I suppose you're going to say the reports of your demise were greatly exaggerated. 1.5623 0.01853 1389 768 461 160
48 And the daddy monster said “see? Time to go back to sleep …there aren’t any little kids in the your closet.” 1.5614 0.01891 1384 779 433 172
49 I just took you out. 1.5595 0.01991 1294 742 380 172
50 What? Too scary for bedtime? 1.5503 0.02027 1172 664 371 137
51 Honey, I asked you to get me a Thesaurus. 1.5503 0.02114 1292 794 285 213
52 Don't worry, I'm pretty sure Saint George dies in the end. 1.5451 0.02127 1097 635 326 136
53 I see you've finally come out of the closet. 1.5434 0.02214 1071 637 286 148
54 Honey, your mom’s here! 1.5429 0.02167 1234 768 262 204
55 For the last time, there are no little kids hiding under your bed. Now go back to sleep. 1.5414 0.02121 1243 763 287 193
56 Well, I guess the pet store did say you'd grow to the size of your enclosure... 1.5358 0.02208 963 553 304 106
57 Don’t be ridiculous there is not a little boy under your bed. 1.5336 0.02173 1162 716 272 174
58 OK. One more page then you need to go back under the bed. 1.5327 0.02261 1055 646 256 153
59 I can skip this part if it scares you 1.5305 0.02179 1048 622 296 130
60 I'm not checking for people under the bed again. 1.5304 0.02220 1020 608 283 129
61 It's a Thesaurus . . . No relation . . . 1.5277 0.02360 1046 668 204 174
62 I think I prefer the elephant in the room. 1.5256 0.02385 938 578 227 133
63 It's about a knight in shining armor, and you're not going to like how the story ends. 1.5247 0.02191 1054 636 283 135
64 And that's how we adopted you. 1.5246 0.02385 835 491 250 94
65 No you can't have a little pet. What happened to the last one? 1.5220 0.02277 979 594 259 126
66 My son’s closet is down the hall on the left. 1.5212 0.02329 990 616 232 142
67 One more story, then it’s back under the bed. 1.5211 0.02324 950 580 245 125
68 I'll tuck you back in, but I promise you there are no children under your bed. 1.5210 0.02328 1000 625 229 146
69 For the last time, there are no children hiding under your bed. 1.5204 0.02302 980 602 246 132
70 The brave dragon slayed the evil knight and everyone lived happily ever after. 1.5176 0.02320 937 571 247 119
71 Yes, you're a good dragon, but you're still not allowed on the sofa. 1.5164 0.02262 947 569 267 111
72 So you come free with my purchase of Trump’s ‘God Bless the USA’ Bible? 1.5136 0.02553 843 536 181 126
73 Why is it every time I get comfortable, you need to destroy Tokyo? 1.5135 0.02353 925 571 233 121
74 No story until you've brushed your teeth. 1.5125 0.02315 882 528 256 98
75 There are no children under your bed. 1.5123 0.02498 855 538 196 121
76 Of course I own a toilet plunger. Why do you ask? 1.5117 0.02649 813 527 156 130
77 And when we bought you, they told us you were going to get no bigger than a chihuahua. 1.5106 0.02371 848 511 241 96
78 Don't panic. It's an eclipse, not an asteroid. 1.5105 0.02901 668 431 133 104
79 Well, it was much easier to afford an apartment by yourself before SOMEONE destroyed downtown. 1.5093 0.02441 913 582 197 134
80 OK, but if we read the part about the knight with the magic sword, I don't want you up all night. 1.5067 0.02453 821 505 216 100
81 I think it's time for you to get your own place. 1.5053 0.02456 748 445 228 75
82 I told you, a thesaurus is not what you think it is. 1.5043 0.02601 809 521 168 120
83 And Ned now knew that micro dosing was not for him 1.5033 0.02918 600 376 146 78
84 Allow me to explain the difference between good taste and tastes good. 1.5007 0.02668 727 460 170 97
85 ...and the doctor said - NO more dinos jumping on the bed. 1.4978 0.02647 689 426 183 80
86 No....we are not watching Jurassic Park again, go lie down..... 1.4952 0.02569 729 452 193 84
87 You're getting too big to need me to check for kids under the bed every night. 1.4941 0.02655 678 420 181 77
88 And then St. George, um... let the dragon go. 1.4935 0.02590 774 496 174 104
89 It's okay. I think the monster's gonna be okay. Let's finish the story. 1.4925 0.02532 729 449 201 79
90 And by slayed, I mean the knight 'impressed' the dragon. 1.4905 0.02773 681 440 148 93
91 This might be a little scary for you. 1.4899 0.02583 645 387 200 58
92 And then the very calm dragon agreed never to burn up things in his apartment ever, ever again. The end. 1.4891 0.02601 691 428 188 75
93 For the last time, I don’t know if ‘Where the Wild Things Are’ is based on an actual place, and Maurice Sendak’s estate made it clear that I can’t write to them anymore. 1.4891 0.02762 640 403 161 76
94 I know...I hate it when the dog dies, too 1.4888 0.02731 624 386 171 67
95 I asked for a thesaurus, not tyrannosaurus. 1.4882 0.02793 633 401 155 77
96 For the last time, stay off the furniture and spit out my wife. 1.4872 0.02695 702 451 160 91
97 For the last time, there is no little boy under your bed. 1.4871 0.02773 696 456 141 99
98 I know it’s a stereotype, but this was written in another era. 1.4856 0.02806 556 338 166 52
99 And then the monster wasn't hungry anymore. The end. 1.4855 0.02686 653 408 173 72
100 Whaddya mean, your litter box is full!? 1.4835 0.02960 606 398 123 85
101 The dragon loved the story and let the man go. The end. 1.4834 0.02754 631 398 161 72
102 All right, yes, you were adopted. 1.4832 0.03100 507 322 125 60
103 No invading Tokyo before you finish your homework mister 1.4824 0.02758 624 393 161 70
104 No more stories. It's time for you to go back under Tommy's bed. 1.4812 0.02761 640 408 156 76
105 Yes, your teeth do look whiter. 1.4807 0.02913 518 318 151 49
106 The dragon became a vegan, and they all lived happily ever after. 1.4806 0.02610 645 396 188 61
107 It says here that dinosaurs have never eaten people. 1.4803 0.02737 610 380 167 63
108 Don’t give me those eyes…you’re the one that ate her. 1.4780 0.02993 567 369 125 73
109 Let me read it first. Then you can eat it. 1.4778 0.02760 632 403 156 73
110 No bedtime story until you clean up that mess you made downtown. 1.4774 0.03050 553 362 118 73
111 Once upon a time about 66 million years ago… 1.4772 0.02743 614 386 163 65
112 I’m just about finished. 1.4768 0.02985 539 344 133 62
113 Have you seen the cat? 1.4761 0.02806 565 351 159 55
114 Honey… you’re mother is here!! 1.4745 0.02985 609 409 111 89
115 Relax, I'm just a metaphor. 1.4745 0.02803 569 355 158 56
116 'Voracious reader' is just a turn of phrase. 1.4744 0.02982 567 370 125 72
117 We've been over this. There's no asteroid in your closet. 1.4717 0.02933 566 366 133 67
118 It’s nice to have someone to read to again, since you ate the kids. 1.4707 0.02795 648 426 139 83
119 'Yes my friend, we are both Dinosaurs....I still read books' 1.4705 0.03129 542 363 103 76
120 It says here you were annoying and that’s why you are extinct. 1.4703 0.02987 555 362 125 68
121 That's what it says: "He 'smote' the dragon." 1.4700 0.02813 566 356 154 56
122 At that moment Ed realized what "Having him over for dinner" really meant. 1.4698 0.03212 464 299 112 53
123 You're this close to being extinct 1.4697 0.02995 528 339 130 59
124 I already told you there are no little girls hiding under your bed. 1.4667 0.02945 540 347 134 59
125 I wanted to tell you this a little later, but yes, you are adopted. 1.4665 0.03155 508 336 107 65
126 Print publishing, that’s the real dinosaur. 1.4640 0.02909 569 371 132 66
127 No, there are no little kids in your closet. Go back to bed. 1.4636 0.02961 550 359 127 64
128 I'm a voracious reader, what are you? 1.4635 0.02995 507 324 131 52
129 What's this ? Missing for 65 million years and you arrive unannounced. 1.4631 0.03229 434 277 113 44
130 It says here that your flatulence could be caused by someone you ate. 1.4627 0.03108 510 336 112 62
131 You're right, the perspective of the monster is definitely underrepresented in the book industry. 1.4620 0.02864 513 320 149 44
132 Really? I just let you out to destroy the city five minutes ago. 1.4618 0.02881 550 353 140 57
133 No. I said I need a thesaurus. 1.4614 0.02955 557 366 125 66
134 Bookworms are a protected species. 1.4611 0.03106 488 317 117 54
135 What's important is that you still believe in yourself. 1.4605 0.03031 519 339 121 59
136 Honey, I think that thing you thought was a tadpole has hatched out. 1.4599 0.02936 524 336 135 53
137 If it means that much to you, I'll move. 1.4597 0.02849 546 348 145 53
138 You’re not going to like this part. 1.4595 0.03079 457 289 126 42
139 Sweetheart, your Mom is here 1.4595 0.03436 444 301 82 61
140 Yes, I do know where the wild things are. 1.4586 0.03244 471 313 100 58
141 Children under your bed? You sure? 1.4576 0.03146 507 339 104 64
142 I get that counting sheep makes you hungry. 1.4575 0.03037 494 319 124 51
143 This book really did come to life. 1.4573 0.02999 457 285 135 37
144 I can hear her, so open your mouth... again. 1.4570 0.03065 453 286 127 40
145 Honey, you know I get more turned on with the gorilla outfit. 1.4569 0.03081 499 327 116 56
146 "No, Cindy! Daddy already checked, and there are no little humans under your bed." 1.4556 0.02993 507 328 127 52
147 Get the leash and wait by the door, I'll be there in two minutes. 1.4548 0.03054 420 259 131 30
148 What! You say there's a child under your bed? 1.4536 0.03007 549 368 113 68
149 Doug second guessing his choice for an emotional support animal wondered if he should’ve gotten a poodle. 1.4532 0.03189 459 301 108 50
150 Sorry, the knight pretty much always slays the monster. 1.4529 0.02893 488 306 143 39
151 Of course. The minute I relax you need to go outside. 1.4521 0.03051 449 284 127 38
152 For the last time, there's nothing hiding on top of the bed. Now go back to sleep. 1.4515 0.03264 485 331 89 65
153 YOU’RE afraid of something under the bed? 1.4514 0.03193 494 334 97 63
154 No, you just destroyed Tokyo an hour ago. You're not going out now. 1.4497 0.03080 487 320 115 52
155 No, there aren’t any pictures. You just have to use your imagination. 1.4491 0.03122 481 318 110 53
156 A biography of Saint George. Why do you ask? 1.4483 0.03119 493 329 107 57
157 Don't be silly. Of course I'm your real father. 1.4476 0.03147 487 326 104 57
158 It's Okay, buddy. It's only thunder. 1.4470 0.03353 434 292 90 52
159 You can read it when I'm done — but trigger warning — there's an asteroid in chapter 7. 1.4469 0.03221 461 308 100 53
160 I’m beginning to think the pet shop was wrong about you being a miniature. 1.4464 0.02964 513 336 125 52
161 Would you be less scared if I didn't do the asteroid voice? 1.4452 0.03300 429 285 97 47
162 And, uh, the dragon lived happily ever after. The end. 1.4439 0.03300 446 301 92 53
163 You can't have another treat. You didn't finish the delivery guy. 1.4435 0.03181 451 298 106 47
164 Are you kidding me? There are still three fresh goats in your bowl. 1.4434 0.03212 442 292 104 46
165 I'm just saying St. George was a man of his time. You can't judge him by today's standards. 1.4429 0.03368 420 282 90 48
166 You’re not going to like how the story ends. 1.4425 0.03000 452 288 128 36
167 Did you brush your teeth? 1.4418 0.03054 464 302 119 43
168 I was talking about the ELEPHANT in the room. 1.4407 0.03321 388 252 101 35
169 Maybe I'll read you a story about asteroids when you get a little older. 1.4406 0.02997 463 298 126 39
170 One more story then it’s time for you to go back under the bed . 1.4403 0.03096 452 295 115 42
171 Uhhhhhhh, Helen? I think you left the back door open… 1.4398 0.03040 457 296 121 40
172 It was just a movie, I'm sure the real Godzilla is fine. 1.4394 0.03237 437 291 100 46
173 You could use a mint. 1.4391 0.03372 419 283 88 48
174 To think, I thought “dragon’s breath” was a euphemism…. 1.4390 0.03629 369 251 74 44
175 Really? But I just walked you half an hour ago. 1.4384 0.03073 463 304 115 44
176 And so the valiant knight and the fire-breathing dragon lived happily ever after. 1.4383 0.03163 454 302 105 47
177 YOU'RE nervous? 1.4370 0.03333 389 255 98 36
178 Where? Well, when a mommy and daddy dinosaur love each other very much.... 1.4369 0.03252 428 285 99 44
179 I think it’s time for you to know the truth: you’re adopted. 1.4366 0.03314 426 287 92 47
180 Time's up, back in the book. 1.4365 0.03208 417 273 106 38
181 Yes, yes, if we lived in Japan you could go outside. 1.4363 0.03325 424 286 91 47
182 Calm down. It's a solar eclipse, not a meteor. 1.4363 0.03456 408 279 80 49
183 I told you this one would be too scary for you. 1.4360 0.02989 500 332 118 50
184 Yes, I’m sure there are no little boys hiding under your bed. 1.4357 0.03751 342 233 69 40
185 Please go and wait under the bed. I'll be up in a few minutes. 1.4347 0.03273 421 281 97 43
186 I can smell the cat on your breath. 1.4346 0.03312 405 269 96 40
187 Honey, eat a snickers. You aren’t you when you’re hungry. 1.4344 0.03404 419 287 82 50
188 You don't scare me. Get ready for bed and brush your teeth. 1.4336 0.03329 399 265 95 39
189 No, I haven't seen your copy of "Where the Wild Things Are". 1.4334 0.03229 413 272 103 38
190 Unfortunately, this one also features a heroic prince. 1.4317 0.03171 410 267 109 34
191 According to this book, you never existed. 1.4310 0.03191 413 271 106 36
192 Use the pee pad on the balcony. 1.4306 0.03211 432 289 100 43
193 No, I didn't eat the triceratops that was in the fridge. 1.4297 0.03487 377 255 82 40
194 Sorry, I’m afraid the dragon doesn’t slay the prince in this one either. 1.4286 0.03307 399 266 95 38
195 Nope! No happy ending for the dragon in this one either, I‘m afraid! 1.4286 0.03227 413 274 101 38
196 I told you that story might keep you awake. Now, go back to bed! 1.4266 0.03239 361 231 106 24
197 I just found out where the wild things are. 1.4263 0.03472 373 252 83 38
198 Welp, you've finally turned into your mother. 1.4257 0.03145 444 298 103 43
199 Pretty low turnout for book club tonight, eh? 1.4254 0.03667 315 209 78 28
200 The part about the kid on top of the bed always frightens you, doesn't it. 1.4239 0.03526 368 251 78 39
201 I'm sorry but I can't find a story that ends with the dragon defeating Prince Charming and keeping the Princess. 1.4236 0.03285 399 267 95 37
202 Is your litter box full AGAIN? 1.4234 0.03431 385 262 83 40
203 No, you just went for a rampage. 1.4221 0.03476 353 236 85 32
204 LENNY! LENNY!! IS THAT TOP ON YOUR TERRARIUM LOOSE AGAIN?! 1.4212 0.03374 368 245 91 32
205 Do I smell Manhattan on your breath? 1.4198 0.03772 324 223 66 35
206 It's just a little thunder. 1.4196 0.03312 367 242 96 29
207 Are you sure you want me to read the part about the comet? 1.4181 0.03625 342 234 73 35
208 Yes, they're definitely whiter. 1.4169 0.03435 355 238 86 31
209 No mention so far pal, let’s try Exodus 1.4167 0.03323 372 248 93 31
210 I can stop if this is too scary for you." 1.4161 0.03630 322 217 76 29
211 Nice try, but there's still half a princess in your food bowl. 1.4160 0.03567 387 274 65 48
212 We can't go for walkies yet - they haven't rebuilt the city since the last time. 1.4148 0.03633 364 256 65 43
213 I just gave you a belly rub. 1.4144 0.03387 333 218 92 23
214 Yes, flossing will remove stubborn human chunks. Why do you ask? 1.4141 0.03331 384 260 89 35
215 I can tell you it does not end well for Puff. 1.4136 0.03493 353 240 80 33
216 It's OK, knights aren't real. 1.4123 0.03631 308 206 77 25
217 O good. You brushed your teeth 1.4123 0.03573 342 234 75 33
218 One more story, but then it's under the bed you go. 1.4116 0.03474 328 218 85 25
219 How is this your spot? 1.4112 0.03581 321 216 78 27
220 Rough day at the office dear? 1.4110 0.03774 326 228 62 36
221 And the vegan lived happily ever after.. 1.4103 0.03519 329 221 81 27
222 No you did not hear the can opener. 1.4102 0.03921 295 205 59 31
223 OK, one more and then it's back under the bed. 1.4100 0.03412 361 245 84 32
224 My wife’s in the kitchen if you’re looking for a snack. 1.4097 0.03371 393 272 81 40
225 What do you mean you’re not a vegan any more? 1.4087 0.03824 323 228 58 37
226 No, you can't sit on my lap while I read to you. 1.4084 0.03564 333 227 76 30
227 Remember, if you eat me you won't get to know the ending. 1.4084 0.03716 311 213 69 29
228 We’ve already checked under the bed and in the closet. I told you, there’s no such thing as children. 1.4079 0.03806 304 210 64 30
229 It's actually quite spacious by New York standards 1.4076 0.03662 314 214 72 28
230 But we've read "Where the Wild One's Are," five nights in a row now. 1.4074 0.03690 297 200 73 24
231 For the last time, there are NO humans under your bed. Now go to sleep! 1.4072 0.03834 307 214 61 32
232 Are you literal or figurative? 1.4071 0.03880 280 191 64 25
233 There are no other monsters under the bed or in the closet. I promise." 1.4064 0.03592 342 237 71 34
234 Yes, I know Chloe can be mean, but if you just close your eyes and stay under the bed eventually both of you will fall asleep. 1.4061 0.03611 330 227 72 31
235 I’ll tell you right now that I felt a whole lot more comfortable when it was just the elephant in the room. 1.4049 0.03471 368 256 75 37
236 I know he's scary, but you just go back and get under Nathan's bed where you belong. 1.4048 0.03758 336 239 58 39
237 No, you’re going to the vet tomorrow and that’s it. 1.4042 0.03477 334 226 81 27
238 Don't worry, princesses are just a myth. 1.4033 0.03839 300 209 61 30
239 The end. 1.4033 0.03905 305 216 55 34
240 No, there are no humans under your bed. 1.4027 0.03944 298 211 54 33
241 Realizing his mistake, the prince slew the deceptive princess instead. 1.4008 0.04064 262 182 55 25
242 For the last time, there is no kid under your bed. 1.4007 0.03801 307 215 61 31
243 I already checked under your bed for meteors, go back to sleep. 1.4000 0.03414 335 226 84 25
244 Who's a good boy? 1.4000 0.03646 325 226 68 31
245 When the GrubHub comes, you get the delivery guy. 1.3987 0.03736 311 217 64 30
246 I see you've been flossing. 1.3982 0.03548 334 231 73 30
247 You just went out. 1.3966 0.03616 353 252 62 39
248 There is no little boy under your bed 1.3964 0.04086 275 196 49 30
249 You've had your dinner. 1.3956 0.03407 316 211 85 20
250 Ok one more time, but then it’s back to under the bed 1.3955 0.03958 268 186 58 24
251 Talk about a character jumping off the page. 1.3953 0.03593 296 200 75 21
252 Honey, menopause might be affecting you more than you think. 1.3952 0.04067 291 211 45 35
253 You just had a treat. 1.3950 0.03621 281 188 75 18
254 I can't remember - is that your "I need a walk" look, or the "you look like a tasty meal" look? 1.3942 0.03415 345 237 80 28
255 There’s a child under my bed! 1.3936 0.03945 282 199 55 28
256 What do you mean, 'skip the scary part' ? 1.3929 0.03643 308 213 69 26
257 I told you, "The Flintstones" isn't on until 7:30. 1.3929 0.03766 280 192 66 22
258 Again? I just let you out" 1.3925 0.03699 321 227 62 32
259 Hey, Helen...I think I know what's been going bump in the night. 1.3919 0.03925 296 212 52 32
260 Ok, I'll skip the chapters after the meteor. 1.3912 0.03651 317 222 66 29
261 …and then the scary boy under the bed disappeared. 1.3911 0.03816 271 186 64 21
262 Wow, this book really brings the story to life. 1.3902 0.03860 287 202 58 27
263 If I ignored the elephant I can ignore you too. 1.3900 0.03739 300 210 63 27
264 ...And the knight didn't slay the dragon after all. The end. 1.3899 0.03749 318 227 58 33
265 You’re not gonna like how this ends 1.3887 0.03659 319 225 64 30
266 No! Off the couch! 1.3887 0.03962 283 202 52 29
267 You know, "slay" has a completely different meaning these days. 1.3879 0.03818 281 196 61 24
268 The implants look good. 1.3871 0.04065 279 202 46 31
269 maybe I should have dealt with you 15 years ago when my son said you were under his bed. 1.3864 0.03780 295 208 60 27
270 You can’t possibly be hungry. You just ate the neighbors. 1.3863 0.03890 277 195 57 25
271 Hmmm, there really is a noticeable difference between micro dosing and macro dosing. 1.3860 0.03811 285 200 60 25
272 Okay, today's lesson is "Don't eat People!" 1.3859 0.03567 298 204 73 21
273 Okay, one more reading of how the valiant dragon slew the haughty prince--and then to bed! 1.3851 0.03736 322 232 56 34
274 No, no. Asteroids are just a scary story that we tell for fun 1.3846 0.04094 234 162 54 18
275 Again? You just went. 1.3844 0.03729 307 218 60 29
276 So Puff, that mighty dragon, sadly slipped into his cave" ... Yes, it's OK to cry 1.3843 0.04052 255 180 52 23
277 Come on, it's not THAT scary. 1.3838 0.03513 284 191 77 16
278 ‘“And then the big rock came screaming down the sky. The End.’ Now go to bed.” 1.3834 0.03563 313 218 70 25
279 Really? You just went out! 1.3833 0.03591 287 196 72 19
280 If you're going to read over my shoulder at least brush your teeth. 1.3831 0.03653 295 205 67 23
281 Stop giving me those eyes. You know you’re not allowed on the couch. 1.3831 0.03684 295 206 65 24
282 I let you out 15 minutes ago!! 1.3825 0.03937 251 174 58 19
283 You're not a lap-dragon anymore Daniel 1.3824 0.03760 272 188 64 20
284 I miss the days when it was just the elephant in the room. 1.3822 0.04079 259 185 49 25
285 ...and then the dinosaur said, "I would never eat the nice human who reads me bedtime stories" 1.3818 0.04039 275 199 47 29
286 ...and so, the frightened little monster made friends with the boy and didn't have to sleep under the bed anymore! 1.3818 0.03674 296 207 65 24
287 Did you lose you ball under the coach again. 1.3810 0.03959 273 195 52 26
288 The litterbox is full 1.3808 0.04029 260 185 51 24
289 Slaying the dragon is always a metaphor. 1.3805 0.03633 297 207 67 23
290 I'm almost done, just wait for me under the bed. 1.3804 0.03720 276 191 65 20
291 No walkies until you spit out Mommy. 1.3804 0.04047 255 181 51 23
292 You devour books, too? 1.3801 0.03875 271 191 57 23
293 Now go to sleep. There is no little boy in your closet or under the bed. 1.3798 0.03912 287 207 51 29
294 Why didn't you go potty when I let you out five minutes ago? 1.3795 0.03672 303 214 63 26
295 Don't spoil the ending for me. 1.3794 0.03630 282 194 69 19
296 I tucked you in eons ago. 1.3793 0.04089 261 188 47 26
297 If this story is scaring you, how do you think I feel!? 1.3789 0.03738 285 200 62 23
298 You just went 10 minutes ago. 1.3787 0.03628 301 211 66 24
299 You need a mint! 1.3785 0.03973 251 176 55 20
300 No I’m not going to read “Where The Wild Things Are” to you again. 1.3783 0.03691 304 216 61 27
301 After the asteroid hit, uh...everybody lived happily ever after! 1.3779 0.03795 299 215 55 29
302 Don't be nervous. The dentist will numb your mouth first. 1.3778 0.03587 270 183 72 15
303 You know you're going to have to get off the couch when Mom comes home, right? 1.3759 0.03993 266 191 50 25
304 For the last time, a thesaurus is not what you think it is. 1.3759 0.03840 274 194 57 23
305 We’re out of coffee aren’t we. 1.3756 0.04513 213 154 38 21
306 OK, now what did I say about the couch? 1.3755 0.03740 277 194 62 21
307 Well, Jackie wasn’t a real boy and neither was puff 1.3745 0.04047 251 179 50 22
308 Go back to bed. I already checked for children hiding in your room. 1.3742 0.03763 302 218 55 29
309 And after incinerating the hapless knight, the dragon lived happily ever after. 1.3737 0.03701 281 197 63 21
310 I know that you’re afraid of the dark, but a solar eclipse is not the same as an asteroid and life will continue as normal as ever. 1.3736 0.03882 273 195 54 24
311 You can’t be hungry already. I gave you a whole princess an hour ago. 1.3735 0.04092 257 186 46 25
312 For the last time, I am not paying for braces. I can barely afford the kibble. 1.3735 0.04109 249 179 47 23
313 No story until you brush your teeth. 1.3734 0.03997 241 169 54 18
314 No, we are not getting a puppy. 1.3733 0.03900 225 153 60 12
315 Just so you know, I’m not gluten free. 1.3726 0.04164 212 147 51 14
316 Where's the cat? 1.3726 0.04058 263 191 46 26
317 But it says here that you're a strict vegetarian. 1.3725 0.04051 247 176 50 21
318 ...and then Gary said "Look! Look! It really is a meteor this time!". But all the other dinosaurs just looked at him like he was some kind of mammal or something. The end. 1.3720 0.03976 250 177 53 20
319 I've already checked under the bed and in the closet. I promise there's nowhere else for a kid to hide in there 1.3719 0.03629 285 199 66 20
320 Sorry buddy, the tooth fairy gives only 25 cents even for a T-Rex tooth. 1.3716 0.04084 218 151 53 14
321 I've told you a hundred times, there's no meteor above your bed. 1.3714 0.04032 245 174 51 20
322 Oh all right, go fetch the leash. 1.3714 0.03906 245 171 57 17
323 I told you Charles, it takes millions of years. You’re not just going to wake up as a pigeon one day. 1.3710 0.04118 248 179 46 23
324 Honey, have the doctor check my meds. 1.3709 0.03824 275 196 56 23
325 Time out is over when you apologize for what you did to Tokyo. 1.3709 0.04092 275 204 40 31
326 It's about damsels in distress, handsome knights on white horses, and fire-breathing dragons. I don't think you're going to like the ending. 1.3705 0.03922 251 177 55 19
327 WOW! Pop-up picture books have really advanced! 1.3701 0.04008 254 182 50 22
328 No, it's not 'The Dragon With The Girl Tattoo', but that does sound interesting. 1.3700 0.04210 227 162 46 19
329 First you said it was because of your short arms, now you're telling me you don't know how to read? 1.3693 0.04119 241 173 47 21
330 Sorry, girl, but my new lease says no pets over ten stories tall. 1.3690 0.03615 252 171 69 12
331 Next time I’m going to get a shelter animal who isn’t so needy. 1.3686 0.03959 236 165 55 16
332 Hungry, again!??....you had a skyscraper an hour ago! 1.3686 0.03796 274 195 57 22
333 Get back under Becky's bed. 1.3684 0.04087 247 178 47 22
334 Your bedtime story will begin after you brush your teeth. 1.3682 0.03923 258 184 53 21
335 The Fire Chief called again. You’ve been naughty. 1.3682 0.04155 220 155 49 16
336 Scooch a bit? 1.3678 0.03934 242 170 55 17
337 One more story and then you have to go to bed. 1.3671 0.03990 237 167 53 17
338 So this is where the wild things are. 1.3667 0.03724 270 190 61 19
339 Just one more time through "Where the Wild Things Are" and then it's time for bed. 1.3664 0.03755 292 211 55 26
340 Ethel, I thought your mother wasn't coming until THURSDAY! 1.3664 0.04360 232 171 37 24
341 No, I'm not installing a pet door for you 1.3663 0.04295 202 142 46 14
342 What part of extinction don’t you understand? 1.3663 0.03838 273 196 54 23
343 That's right! "Night of the Iguana", you'll get it when I'm done... 1.3661 0.04051 224 157 52 15
344 Rex, for the last time, there is no asteroid in your closet now back to bed. 1.3658 0.03891 257 183 54 20
345 I’m not sure you want to hear how it ends. 1.3657 0.04306 216 155 43 18
346 And then the meteor, um, waved hello and passed right on by. 1.3655 0.03896 249 176 55 18
347 There are no monsters in the closet. Go back to bed. 1.3649 0.03754 285 205 56 24
348 Next time, don't read Kafka before bed. 1.3649 0.04502 222 165 33 24
349 I told you - it almost always ends badly for the dragon. 1.3647 0.03791 255 179 59 17
350 Martha ,if you can hear me in there, this chapter you’ll love. 1.3646 0.03884 288 212 47 29
351 You know, oddly, I’m more afraid of the upcoming election results. 1.3641 0.04660 206 153 31 22
352 How many times must I tell you? Staying under the kids' beds is job one in this house! 1.3636 0.04194 231 167 44 20
353 It’s ok, it’s supposed to be scary, but Saint George isn’t real. 1.3636 0.03609 286 202 64 20
354 I’ll skip the scary parts 1.3624 0.04080 229 163 49 17
355 That look might work with your Mother but not with me. Back to bed 1.3621 0.04043 243 175 48 20
356 It was different when you were little, but you're no longer a lap monster. 1.3621 0.04043 232 165 50 17
357 Yes, this is the version where the dinosaurs live happily ever after. 1.3618 0.04049 246 178 47 21
358 You'll just have to hold it until I finish this chapter. 1.3616 0.04044 224 158 51 15
359 We are not extinct, that is fake news! 1.3615 0.04292 213 153 43 17
360 Ah, what happened to the elephant in the room? 1.3612 0.03859 227 157 58 12
361 Oh so now you want to cuddle. 1.3611 0.03775 252 177 59 16
362 Honey, what was in those brownies? 1.3610 0.04672 205 153 30 22
363 Don't worry, it's just a thunderstorm. 1.3609 0.03866 266 192 52 22
364 No, you are not adopted. Your maternal grandmother was a total monster. 1.3607 0.04449 219 162 35 22
365 I know it's hard to make new friends at school. If you'd just stop eating them, your chances would really improve. 1.3604 0.04017 222 156 52 14
366 I'm not going to pet you until you tell me what happened to the dog. 1.3602 0.03992 236 168 51 17
367 I’m not telling you how it ends 1.3600 0.03794 250 176 58 16
368 Wow, your whitener is working 1.3591 0.04141 220 157 47 16
369 But first, did you floss? 1.3589 0.04015 209 145 53 11
370 I guess I preferred late fees. 1.3586 0.03978 237 169 51 17
371 Chuck suddenly realized only half a gummy before reading would have been enough. 1.3586 0.03906 251 180 52 19
372 So I guess you need to go out. 1.3586 0.03865 251 179 54 18
373 Yes, this is a dentist office. 1.3584 0.04064 226 161 49 16
374 Okay, okay, you may see the doctor ahead of me. 1.3581 0.04257 229 168 40 21
375 Don’t worry, in this one the dragon saves the princess. 1.3581 0.04026 229 163 50 16
376 Don’t spoil the end for me! 1.3578 0.04252 204 145 45 14
377 Okay. One more story, but then you have to go get under the bed. 1.3574 0.04000 235 168 50 17
378 Don't cry. All the people get eaten in the end. 1.3571 0.03893 252 181 52 19
379 Honey! Did you leave the door to your imagination open again? 1.3571 0.04013 252 184 46 22
380 You're suppose to stay in the closet. 1.3571 0.03723 280 202 56 22
381 Excuse me, d’ino you? 1.3568 0.04205 199 140 47 12
382 You *just* went outside... 1.3566 0.03531 286 202 66 18
383 Jake! Have you been fooling around with AI again?? 1.3566 0.03654 272 193 61 18
384 I should've known what I was getting into the moment I met your mother. 1.3565 0.04292 216 157 41 18
385 Goodnight Brachiosaurus. Goodnight Gallimimus. Goodnight every dinosaur, everywhere among us. 1.3564 0.04558 202 149 34 19
386 …and the wicked prince was eaten by the dragon who lived happily ever after. Happy now? 1.3563 0.03988 247 179 48 20
387 My travel guide says we should avoid Japan. 1.3562 0.03881 233 164 55 14
388 Thanks for crowding out the elephant in the room! 1.3556 0.03872 225 157 56 12
389 Wow, honey. You really do look different once you take off your makeup. 1.3556 0.04023 225 160 50 15
390 You ate the remote, remember? 1.3551 0.03947 214 149 54 11
391 Then the definitely nonhuman-eating monster said, 1.3551 0.04010 245 178 47 20
392 "Stay off the couch." 1.3550 0.03853 231 162 56 13
393 The asteroid continued on it’s way, and everybody lived happily ever after 1.3548 0.03933 248 179 50 19
394 If the story's too scary, just go back under Johnny's bed. 1.3545 0.04084 220 157 48 15
395 Get back under the kid's bed, then I'll read you a story. 1.3544 0.04148 237 174 42 21
396 So . . . “Where the Wild Things Are” again? 1.3541 0.04230 209 150 44 15
397 Does my little precious need to go poopy? 1.3538 0.04294 212 154 41 17
398 So then Papa T-Rex says, “Someone has been eating my triceratops …” 1.3537 0.04078 246 181 43 22
399 Honey, I think I let my imagination run wild again. 1.3535 0.04199 215 155 44 16
400 Can you brush your teeth first? 1.3534 0.03840 232 163 56 13
401 Actually, you don't really appear until the third chapter. 1.3534 0.04030 232 167 48 17
402 Guess my ambien is kicking in 1.3534 0.04030 232 167 48 17
403 There should be some large insects in the cabinet. 1.3534 0.03751 249 176 58 15
404 Relax. Everyone has trouble with the character names in War And Peace. 1.3533 0.04752 184 136 31 17
405 According to this, you're extinct. 1.3532 0.04346 201 145 41 15
406 And they lived happily ever aft- uhm… the dragon ate them all and he lived happily ever after. 1.3527 0.04010 241 175 47 19
407 No, I will not leave out the part about the comet! 1.3527 0.03878 224 157 55 12
408 I see you haven't had your coffee yet, dear! 1.3527 0.04364 224 167 35 22
409 The book says you're an herbivore, stop sniffing me. 1.3525 0.03831 261 189 52 20
410 What do you mean, you want to come out of the closet?! 1.3524 0.04425 210 155 36 19
411 This what a thesaurus is 1.3521 0.04118 213 152 47 14
412 Can you hold it, please? I only have three more pages to the end. 1.3518 0.04135 199 140 48 11
413 He said dinosaur there to mean obsolete. Yes Buddy, it's an ugly, ugly term. 1.3516 0.04659 182 133 34 15
414 I too am a voracious reader. 1.3514 0.03793 222 154 58 10
415 Calm down. It says meteor collisions are very rare. 1.3511 0.04065 225 162 47 16
416 Those puppy eyes don’t work on me anymore. 1.3506 0.03640 251 176 62 13
417 Why the sad face? 1.3505 0.04311 214 157 39 18
418 Here comes the scary part 1.3496 0.03596 246 171 64 11
419 I see the moisturizer isn’t working. 1.3493 0.03817 229 161 56 12
420 Sorry, I can't read a book and have you on my lap at the same time 1.3492 0.03921 252 184 48 20
421 Kafka. 1.3490 0.04541 192 141 35 16
422 Don't be nervous. You're going to love Tokyo. 1.3490 0.04294 192 137 43 12
423 Unfortunately this abridged version doesn’t say how to reverse the spell, dear. 1.3489 0.04032 235 171 46 18
424 I have bad news… I may have clogged the toilet. 1.3489 0.04208 235 175 38 22
425 Jurassic Park. You wouldn't like it. 1.3486 0.03942 218 154 52 12
426 It's late. Go back to under the bed. 1.3485 0.03827 241 172 54 15
427 You're pretty much evil in this one too. 1.3484 0.04111 221 160 45 16
428 You say they treat you like you don’t even exist? 1.3483 0.04660 178 130 34 14
429 Don't worry, I'll check under the bed when I tuck you in. 1.3467 0.04057 225 163 46 16
430 For the last time, there are no little kids outside your closet, now go back to sleep 1.3462 0.04393 208 154 36 18
431 Just one more time and then you have to go to bed. 1.3462 0.04039 234 171 45 18
432 I will never use a backyard breeder again. You were supposed to be a teacup Godzilla! 1.3462 0.04393 208 154 36 18
433 No, you don't have a toddler stuck between your teeth. 1.3460 0.04399 211 157 35 19
434 As soon as I finish this chapter, I’ll make sure there’s no one on the bed 1.3456 0.04107 217 157 45 15
435 This THC is as good as advertised. One puff really is magic 1.3456 0.04359 217 162 35 20
436 Relax, Rex, the asteroid isn’t real. It’s just a story. This is called a book. They’re actually going extinct too, coincidentally. 1.3455 0.04316 220 164 36 20
437 And St. George, um, jumped off his horse and ran away. 1.3453 0.04129 223 163 43 17
438 Now, we agreed you'd go back under the bed when the story was over. 1.3452 0.03665 252 179 59 14
439 I don't know why no one wants to visit us, either. 1.3451 0.03843 226 160 54 12
440 I ate the elephant in the room." 1.3440 0.04143 218 159 43 16
441 Okay. I'll just finish this page while you get your leash. 1.3436 0.03929 227 163 50 14
442 We're getting to the part about the knight and the dragon. 1.3435 0.03894 230 165 51 14
443 I just let you out... 1.3435 0.03942 230 166 49 15
444 Honey, did you feed Rex? 1.3430 0.04692 172 126 33 13
445 You can’t scare me. I have a wife and two daughters. 1.3426 0.03840 251 183 50 18
446 No really...it says right here that you're an herbivore ! 1.3423 0.04088 222 162 44 16
447 ''I told my wife she was overfeeding you. By the way, have you seen her?" 1.3419 0.04122 234 174 40 20
448 And the giant dragon never ate anyone who read a book to him and lived happily ever after. The end. 1.3418 0.03813 237 170 53 14
449 What? You just went out 66 million years ago! 1.3415 0.04484 205 154 32 19
450 You're sitting on the remote. 1.3415 0.04152 205 148 44 13
451 Don’t breathe fire – this is a print edition. 1.3405 0.03768 232 165 55 12
452 I really miss the days when it was the elephant in the room. 1.3404 0.04836 188 144 24 20
453 Aren't you supposed to be under the bed?! 1.3404 0.04207 188 134 44 10
454 David… I know it may come as a surprise… me and your mother will always love you… but we think you should know you’re adopted 1.3403 0.03846 238 172 51 15
455 Stop acting like your last walk was 66 million years ago. 1.3402 0.04609 194 146 30 18
456 I guess fairy tales do come true. 1.3401 0.04078 197 140 47 10
457 You may have my eyes, son, but you look more like your mother. 1.3401 0.04558 197 148 31 18
458 And they all lived happily ever after until the meteor. 1.3400 0.04220 200 145 42 13
459 The self-help book helped Don exorcise his demons but it did not tell him where to put them. 1.3397 0.04366 209 156 35 18
460 and then the dragon found the princess being kidnaped by the knight. 1.3397 0.04205 209 153 41 15
461 I don't think you're going to like the ending. 1.3396 0.04217 212 156 40 16
462 I'm sorry, but it looks like the princess was rescued in this one too. 1.3396 0.03943 212 151 50 11
463 I've just started the Cretaceous Period and you folks are doing fine. 1.3396 0.03886 212 150 52 10
464 Alright, we read the book. Now, show me how dinosaurs say goodnight. 1.3393 0.03695 224 157 58 9
465 I'm sorry. I didn't realize this was your seat. 1.3393 0.03906 224 161 50 13
466 OK, this is the last story. I promise, there are no children hiding under your bed. 1.3392 0.04019 227 166 45 16
467 Nope. The monster dies in this one too. 1.3388 0.03889 242 177 48 17
468 You know you are not allowed to get up on the couch. 1.3385 0.03740 260 190 52 18
469 Aren't you supposed to be under Tommy's bed by now? 1.3382 0.04101 204 147 45 12
470 No, there's not a terrible two year old under your bed! 1.3382 0.04340 207 154 36 17
471 For the last time, there are no children under your bed! 1.3379 0.04068 219 160 44 15
472 Okay, I’ll feed you as soon as I finish this chapter. 1.3378 0.04179 222 165 39 18
473 Don’t tell me there’s a monster under your bed, too. 1.3378 0.03992 225 164 46 15
474 No! This one’s a friendly asteroid. 1.3373 0.04645 166 121 34 11
475 You should have gone when we were out for a walk an hour ago. 1.3368 0.04366 190 139 38 13
476 So you think there's a little kid hiding under your bed? 1.3367 0.04148 196 141 44 11
477 I see someone wants his nails clipped again. 1.3363 0.03964 223 162 47 14
478 The New Yorker book review promised characters that jumped off the page! 1.3362 0.03892 229 166 49 14
479 Really? You want to hear _Jurassic Park_? Again? 1.3362 0.03954 232 170 46 16
480 Do you actually have to go outside or are you just going to torment Mothra again? 1.3362 0.04100 235 176 39 20
481 Yes, bedtime fairy tales can be scary but no, you can't sleep in bed with me. 1.3353 0.04382 167 119 40 8
482 I promise you there’s zero chance I was petting another giant reptile. 1.3349 0.04321 215 162 34 19
483 ... But then at the last second, the meteor was knocked off course and so all the dinosaurs lived happily ever after. The End. 1.3348 0.04108 227 169 40 18
484 If you want, I can move over a little. 1.3333 0.03972 204 146 48 10
485 Honey? Did we leave the cat door unlocked again? 1.3333 0.04625 189 143 29 17
486 O.K. I will ask the others about you joining our book group. 1.3333 0.03970 222 162 46 14
487 Have you tried eating sheep? 1.3333 0.04199 192 139 42 11
488 Yes, I agree. That teeth whitener does seem to be working. 1.3333 0.04199 192 139 42 11
489 Is that your stomach growling or mine? 1.3333 0.04067 192 137 46 9
490 Stop begging! When I said that you’re in for a treat, I meant the storyline. 1.3333 0.04244 189 137 41 11
491 I told you, no more bedtime stories about knights who slay dragons to save damsels. You don’t sleep well after those. This is a nice one you’ll like: Jurassic Park. 1.3333 0.03864 231 168 49 14
492 Ok, only one more story about how dinosaurs once ruled the world, then off to bed! 1.3333 0.04134 192 138 44 10
493 Just use the litter box. 1.3333 0.04616 186 140 30 16
494 I don't care if he hit you first. 1.3333 0.04310 189 138 39 12
495 You will have to wait until tomorrow to see how the story ends. Now get back under the bed. 1.3318 0.04145 220 164 39 17
496 No, I won't read you another bedtime story. They give you nightmares. 1.3318 0.04014 214 156 45 13
497 What is that? A hardcover? And you call me a dinosaur! 1.3318 0.04014 214 156 45 13
498 Micro dosing and Harry Potter just don't mix. 1.3318 0.04053 211 154 44 13
499 That’s not the sound of an approaching mass extinction meteor. It’s just construction across the street. 1.3318 0.04163 211 156 40 15
500 I know. The movie made you look taller. 1.3317 0.04055 202 146 45 11
501 you know you're not allowed on the couch, Rex. 1.3317 0.04234 202 149 39 14
502 Oh, alright... I'll get the leash! 1.3316 0.04138 196 142 43 11
503 "See? I was right. It says here that you ARE extinct!" 1.3316 0.04443 196 147 33 16
504 I'm sorry you're bored, but maybe if you stopped eating up all the kids on the block you'd have someone to play with. 1.3316 0.04370 193 143 36 14
505 Excuse me, but I just asked for my thesaurus. 1.3316 0.04419 190 141 35 14
506 Trigger warning: asteroids! 1.3315 0.04366 181 132 38 11
507 You do NOT need another human before bed. 1.3315 0.04896 181 140 22 19
508 No, I don’t want to watch Jurassic Park again. 1.3314 0.04541 175 129 34 12
509 Mother always said you'd turn into a monster after we got married. 1.3313 0.04850 163 122 28 13
510 And then the brave dragon slayed St. George and they all lived happily ever after. 1.3313 0.04994 160 121 25 14
511 Didn't I just feed you a city two hours ago? 1.3306 0.03842 245 181 47 17
512 You of all people should like the classics. 1.3304 0.03940 224 164 46 14
513 But the monster didn’t eat Phil because Phil would give the monster diarrhea. The end. 1.3302 0.04458 212 163 28 21
514 You don't come in until the end. 1.3301 0.03961 209 151 47 11
515 You know you're not allowed on the furniture. 1.3300 0.04079 200 145 44 11
516 It says here you are an imaginary fear. 1.3292 0.04727 161 119 31 11
517 The original thesaurus. 1.3291 0.04789 158 117 30 11
518 No, Anxiety. I fed you and spent all day with you. This is my time. 1.3288 0.04259 222 169 33 20
519 Hi, I'm George, the monster that sleeps under your bed. I think you should see a doctor about your snoring. It keeps me awake all night. 1.3286 0.04059 210 154 43 13
520 Did you say you’re a voracious reader or a voracious eater! 1.3284 0.04022 204 148 45 11
521 Good boy, Rex. Good boy. Now play extinct. 1.3282 0.04393 195 146 34 15
522 I should read less Kafka 1.3282 0.04332 195 145 36 14
523 And then the beautiful bulbasaurus ate the village and they all lived happily ever after. 1.3279 0.03575 244 175 58 11
524 Bad day at the office dear? 1.3276 0.04402 174 127 37 10
525 “… and Grendel was beloved forever. Are you happy now?” 1.3273 0.04799 165 124 28 13
526 Are you here for a vasectomy too? 1.3271 0.04270 214 162 34 18
527 No more Puff the Magic Dragon" before bedtime. 1.3268 0.04294 205 154 35 16
528 OK, just one more story but then you really do have to go to bed. 1.3267 0.04106 202 148 42 12
529 Then George and the dragon worked out their differences amicably. 1.3264 0.04421 193 145 33 15
530 Then the naughty asteroid came hurtling through the stratosphere. 1.3261 0.04574 184 139 30 15
531 Adopted?! 1.3261 0.04374 184 136 36 12
532 If you're going to get scared, I can pick a different book to read 1.3258 0.04546 178 133 32 13
533 I put you to bed an hour ago! It’s just another nightmare about bunnies and ducklings. 1.3257 0.03952 218 160 45 13
534 Without bottom teeth, how in the world do you chew? 1.3256 0.04656 172 129 30 13
535 Reading ahead here, looks like you’re not going to like how this one ends, either. 1.3254 0.04159 169 120 43 6
536 You're too early--I haven't even gone to bed yet. 1.3252 0.03869 206 148 49 9
537 "Relax, it's just a story." 1.3250 0.03842 240 178 46 16
538 How are you always able to sneak up on me like that?! 1.3247 0.04596 154 112 34 8
539 Are you ready to be tucked in? 1.3246 0.04129 191 139 42 10
540 Oh you're right, buddy. It says here that there are no asteroids and that dinosaurs rule the world. The end! 1.3244 0.04114 225 170 37 18
541 I’ll do the voices, but I don’t know what a meteor sounds like. 1.3243 0.04286 185 136 38 11
542 Yikes, you survived the flush??? 1.3241 0.04080 216 161 40 15
543 I don’t know why the Knight was mean to the dragon! 1.3240 0.04237 179 130 40 9
544 The dog ate my homework" excuse doesn't fly if you already ate the dog 1.3240 0.04524 179 134 32 13
545 We've talked about this, no snuggling on the couch 1.3240 0.04237 179 130 40 9
546 Honey, I ate the kids. 1.3239 0.04433 176 130 35 11
547 I think it would work better if I sat on your lap. 1.3235 0.04616 170 127 31 12
548 OK. One more story, but then you've got to go to bed. 1.3234 0.04172 201 149 39 13
549 Oh really? Your breath doesn’t smell like Miss Henderson? Then why don’t we go next door to see Miss Henderson together. 1.3233 0.04160 232 178 33 21
550 Beowulf is the hero, okay? 1.3233 0.04023 232 175 39 18
551 You could use a breath mint. 1.3232 0.04276 198 148 36 14
552 Scooching over" won't help. 1.3232 0.04029 198 144 44 10
553 What happened to the last city I gave you? Did you destroy it already? 1.3232 0.04335 198 149 34 15
554 You looking for your kong? 1.3232 0.04811 164 124 27 13
555 Okay, one more story and then it's bedtime. 1.3230 0.03902 226 167 45 14
556 Are you done with the sports section? 1.3230 0.04545 161 118 34 9
557 Go back to bed. I promise you, there are no small children hiding in your closet. 1.3230 0.04794 161 121 28 12
558 I'm starting to think the breeder lied when she said you were a mini. 1.3229 0.04111 192 140 42 10
559 The Macy's Parade isn't until November. 1.3229 0.04111 192 140 42 10
560 Okay, but you're not gonna like the ending. 1.3228 0.04774 158 118 29 11
561 no, it’s not a thesaurus! 1.3228 0.04287 189 140 37 12
562 I promise you: knights are not real 1.3227 0.03974 220 163 43 14
563 The third little pig’s house was, however, no match for the asteroid. 1.3223 0.04356 211 162 30 19
564 Please. My insecurities are MUCH bigger than you. 1.3222 0.04290 180 132 38 10
565 Back off or you'll never hear how it ends. 1.3221 0.04129 208 155 39 14
566 And what happened to your last chew toy? 1.3216 0.04075 199 146 42 11
567 I’m sorry, but you’re mistaken. This is where the wild things aren’t. 1.3212 0.04286 193 144 36 13
568 No, I don't think you're wearing too much makeup. 1.3212 0.04862 165 126 25 14
569 It was at that moment he realized perhaps the lizard he recently purchased was in fact NOT a Blue Tongued Skink. 1.3211 0.04202 190 140 39 11
570 We need to talk about personal space. 1.3207 0.04294 184 136 37 11
571 Yes, I’ll read it to you again and, yes, this time with a happy ending for the dragon. 1.3204 0.03796 206 148 50 8
572 Sorry, he didn't eat the princess in this one either. 1.3202 0.04078 203 150 41 12
573 Remember Dr. Russo’s advice about boundaries? 1.3200 0.04292 175 128 38 9
574 Sometimes I wish the library would just go back to using fines 1.3200 0.04413 200 153 30 17
575 I've already checked twice. There's nothing under your bed. 1.3198 0.04223 197 147 37 13
576 This one is of me and your mother... 1.3198 0.04716 172 131 27 14
577 I like it this cold. 1.3195 0.04391 169 124 36 9
578 And his pet dragon wouldn’t go to bed on time so the king sent for his knight. 1.3194 0.03981 191 138 45 8
579 All right already. Go fetch your leash. 1.3189 0.04134 185 135 41 9
580 Sendak, is that you? 1.3185 0.04870 157 119 26 12
581 I’m only on the first page, but your novel is magnificent so far. 1.3184 0.03979 223 167 41 15
582 To be fair, he did tell you there was something under the bed. 1.3182 0.03804 220 161 48 11
583 Ok, another page and then back to the lake. 1.3182 0.04017 198 145 43 10
584 Helen, I think I know where the wild things are 1.3177 0.04165 192 142 39 11
585 Now you know bedtime stories give you nightmares. 1.3175 0.04023 211 157 41 13
586 I’m glad we see eye to eye. 1.3175 0.03967 211 156 43 12
587 Well it says here you're harmless unless a victim tries to run 1.3175 0.04341 189 142 34 13
588 Alexa? 1.3174 0.04581 167 125 31 11
589 We're not cancelling your orthodontist appointment. Now, go get ready. 1.3171 0.04557 164 122 32 10
590 Let’s work on your litter box training first. Then maybe I’ll teach you to read. 1.3171 0.04384 205 158 29 18
591 Let's clone dinosaurs, they said. It will be fun, they said. 1.3169 0.04231 183 135 38 10
592 You know I can’t turn your heat lamp on until after peak hours. 1.3168 0.04614 161 120 31 10
593 And then the prince went into therapy and didn't see the monster ever again. 1.3166 0.03936 199 145 45 9
594 Yes, you have keto breath. 1.3165 0.04407 158 115 36 7
595 We'll go out when you stop eating the babysitter. 1.3164 0.04471 177 133 32 12
596 I better rethink my microdosing. 1.3163 0.04104 196 145 40 11
597 I heard a scary sound in my room. Can you come check it out? 1.3161 0.04645 155 115 31 9
598 No, it isn't time for walkies. 1.3161 0.04068 155 109 43 3
599 I can't be sure, but I think you were here before me. 1.3156 0.03898 225 168 43 14
600 You wanna go for a “S T A L K”? 1.3155 0.04369 187 141 33 13
601 Yes, you should floss. 1.3155 0.04498 187 143 29 15
602 Do I smell fire on your breath? 1.3154 0.04956 149 113 25 11
603 O.K., O.K. I won't read the part about the meteor. 1.3154 0.04864 149 112 27 10
604 Well, to be completely honest, I think your plotting is strong but your characters are underdeveloped. 1.3153 0.04300 203 155 32 16
605 Yikes, I forgot to take my medicine today! 1.3148 0.04754 162 123 27 12
606 Read it again, Sam. Read 'Where the Wild Things Are.' 1.3148 0.04590 162 121 31 10
607 I think I prefer the elephant, unless you ate it. 1.3146 0.04078 178 129 42 7
608 One gray night it happened, Jackie Paper came no more... 1.3141 0.04237 191 143 36 12
609 “Sorry, I misread. Your solution is anabolic steroids, not incoming asteroids.” 1.3141 0.04172 191 142 38 11
610 Be patient, he’ll smash Tokyo eventually. 1.3136 0.04376 169 125 35 9
611 You've grown too big to play in the sewers. 1.3135 0.04261 185 138 36 11
612 Look, the author's name is Saint George - and I don't think you're going to like the ending, that's all. 1.3134 0.03967 201 148 43 10
613 But I just took you out 10 minutes ago. 1.3133 0.05018 150 115 23 12
614 My name is Pete. Jackie Paper is in apartment 4D. 1.3133 0.04428 166 123 34 9
615 Um... and they all lived happily ever after. Yes, yes, that's exactly how "All About Dinosaurs" ends. No need to get worked up. 1.3131 0.03863 214 158 45 11
616 Oh, bite me, Joyce. I'm reading. 1.3128 0.04357 179 134 34 11
617 For the last time! There are NO monsters under your bed! 1.3128 0.04110 195 145 39 11
618 Give me 5 minutes to finish this chapter and I'll take you out. 1.3125 0.05165 144 111 21 12
619 The dog, the cat, the canary, the hamster, the goldfish are all gone. No more treats today. 1.3125 0.04180 176 129 39 8
620 I’m not sure this ‘Emotional Support Pet’ thing is working for me anymore. 1.3125 0.04218 192 144 36 12
621 No worries. We can devour the book together. 1.3125 0.04087 192 142 40 10
622 As a matter of fact, I didn't mind the elephant nearly as much. 1.3125 0.04790 160 122 26 12
623 Well well, look who finally came out from under the bed now that I’m in therapy 1.3125 0.04623 176 135 27 14
624 You weren’t supposed to make an appearance until chapter 9. 1.3122 0.04329 189 143 33 13
625 No, I'm not sitting on the remote. 1.3121 0.04413 157 115 35 7
626 Thesaurus, not The Saurus.. 1.3121 0.04595 157 117 31 9
627 But I just took you out! 1.3118 0.04310 186 140 34 12
628 Youn really should wear your retainer 1.3118 0.04663 170 130 27 13
629 Hurry, it’s almost Billy’s bedtime. Get back into his closet. 1.3117 0.03870 231 174 42 15
630 Mr. Philips, you're here to see the doctor about adjusting the dosage on your psychedelics therapy meds, correct? 1.3117 0.04833 154 117 26 11
631 Yes, I'm still using hardcopy. We're both dinosaurs. 1.3117 0.04654 154 115 30 9
632 I'll tell you whether the princess chose the shining knight or the noble dragon when I'm finished. 1.3115 0.04218 183 136 37 10
633 Who’s a good boy? You are, Spot! You’re a good boy! 1.3115 0.04426 183 139 31 13
634 Yes Godzilla, you're right. The book is better than the movie. 1.3115 0.04426 183 139 31 13
635 Seriously? I'm the one sitting on the remote? 1.3110 0.04542 164 123 31 10
636 You know I hate it when you try to read over my shoulder! 1.3109 0.04388 193 148 30 15
637 Don’t you knock? 1.3108 0.04875 148 112 26 10
638 I think we have different ideas about what makes a happy ending. 1.3107 0.04236 177 131 37 9
639 Ah, the rare surprise beginning. 1.3102 0.04222 187 140 36 11
640 And then the dragon ate Saint George barbecued with hot sauce. 1.3102 0.04422 187 143 30 14
641 Yes, I'm another dinosaur. i still read books printed on paper. 1.3102 0.04422 187 143 30 14
642 Why didn't you TELL ME you needed to go out. 1.3102 0.04356 187 142 32 13
643 For Pete's sake calm down! In this story the dragon is the hero. 1.3099 0.04333 171 127 35 9
644 I just cleaned that litter box. You’re telling me it’s full again. 1.3099 0.04489 171 129 31 11
645 Why do you keep asking for this story? You freak out every time we get to the asteroid. 1.3097 0.04537 155 115 32 8
646 I just took you out 30 minutes ago. 1.3097 0.04628 155 116 30 9
647 I told you, you can read it when I'm done! 1.3096 0.04322 197 151 31 15
648 Yes, I guess you could say it's sad the dragon dies in the end. 1.3095 0.03962 210 157 41 12
649 I know it's time for your evening walk, but the neighborhood is still recovering after your morning walk. 1.3095 0.04383 168 125 34 9
650 I know I said you were my favorite dinosaur when I was in kindergarten but I’ve moved on. 1.3092 0.04689 152 114 29 9
651 Roger, you’re adopted… 1.3092 0.04781 152 115 27 10
652 No, I don't think this book on dinosaurs has a happy ending. 1.3091 0.04679 165 126 27 12
653 Let me think of an alternate ending. 1.3088 0.03978 204 152 41 11
654 I already checked. I promise no child is hiding under your bed. 1.3087 0.04939 149 114 24 11
655 Honey, he got over the gate again." 1.3086 0.04403 162 120 34 8
656 Don’t give me that look! 1.3082 0.04617 146 108 31 7
657 Why no, darling, I think you're handling menopause very well. 1.3081 0.04311 172 128 35 9
658 Ok, but this time, just the Chrysler building, all right! 1.3081 0.04317 185 140 33 12
659 ...the dragon devoured the fairly princess in a single bite and he lived happily ever after. 1.3077 0.04295 182 137 34 11
660 Usually, my imaginary monsters are smaller. I think I've been reading too much about Trump's return. 1.3077 0.04162 195 147 36 12
661 Kafka. You gotta problem with that? 1.3068 0.04242 176 131 36 9
662 And the damsel tossed her long hair and told Sir Knight one last time, 'Puff and I are together, and we're in love! Now go back to your castle and mind your own business!' And they lived happily ever after. The end. 1.3065 0.04495 186 144 27 15
663 I don't know about elephants, my dear, but there is definitely *something* in this room we need to talk about. 1.3064 0.04519 173 132 29 12
664 You're safe, its just a story. These monsters aren't real 1.3064 0.04290 173 129 35 9
665 We’re not going to discuss the elephant in the room…that you ate. 1.3061 0.04268 196 150 32 14
666 I don’t care if you used to live here 65 million years ago, you can’t see your childhood bedroom. 1.3059 0.04497 170 129 30 11
667 So THAT'S a dinosaur fart. 1.3059 0.04497 170 129 30 11
668 This isn’t about you. 1.3057 0.03989 193 143 41 9
669 The dragon made a delicious meal of roasted knights and shared it with his family. And they lived happily ever after. 1.3057 0.04122 193 145 37 11
670 Are you ready?This is the scary part. 1.3057 0.04437 193 150 27 16
671 Invasive species is an ugly term. I love you no matter what. 1.3057 0.03851 193 141 45 7
672 You’re supposed to ignore the elephant, not eat it. 1.3053 0.04165 190 143 36 11
673 And then the princess said she always hated that guy anyway and she lived happily ever after. 1.3053 0.04297 190 145 32 13
674 It’s time to address the dinosaur in the room 1.3046 0.04346 174 131 33 10
675 I thought you liked the scary part! 1.3043 0.04497 161 121 31 9
676 How do I know where you left your ball? 1.3043 0.04666 161 123 27 11
677 The Sendaks are in 403. 1.3043 0.04582 161 122 29 10
678 Janet! Janet!! Now will you listen to me when I tell you that cat flap is too big?? 1.3043 0.04410 161 120 33 8
679 I can't sleep. 1.3041 0.04550 171 131 28 12
680 I know these apocalyptic stories of meteors hitting Earth brings up bad memories 1.3041 0.04317 171 128 34 9
681 Something wrong with the pet door? 1.3039 0.04372 181 138 31 12
682 Don't tell me your litter box is full again. 1.3038 0.04279 158 116 36 6
683 My therapist warned me this might happen… 1.3037 0.04850 135 101 27 7
684 You smell like the Pleistocene, where have you been? 1.3036 0.04285 168 125 35 8
685 I realize that a good book makes characters come to life, but this is ridiculous. 1.3034 0.04827 145 110 26 9
686 And then St. George raised his sword and....um, well, okay. 1.3034 0.04276 178 134 34 10
687 Can it wait? 1.3032 0.04876 155 120 23 12
688 Hypothetically you would be the 'beast' in this Beauty and the Beast story. Sorry. 1.3030 0.04249 165 122 36 7
689 Honey, you didn’t tell Charlie he could pick out any lizard, right? 1.3029 0.04547 175 135 27 13
690 You must sit on the naughty chair until you are ready to apologize for what you did to Staten Island! 1.3027 0.04235 185 140 34 11
691 No, very true, a tiny little virus can take down a monster even as large as you. 1.3024 0.04010 205 155 38 12
692 Are you sure you need to go? It’s twelve floors down and you don’t fit in the elevator. 1.3023 0.04135 172 127 38 7
693 And what if I _am_ reading _Night of the Iguana_? 1.3022 0.04752 139 104 28 7
694 Can you wait a minute? I'm on the last chapter. 1.3017 0.04472 179 138 28 13
695 Look here, honey - it says symptoms should subside in 2-4 hours. 1.3015 0.04389 199 156 26 17
696 Alright, ONE more chapter, then you're going to bed. 1.3014 0.04493 146 108 32 6
697 You know better. Get back under Timmy’s bed until after dark. 1.3012 0.04396 166 125 32 9
698 You're not what I imagined. 1.3012 0.04396 166 125 32 9
699 Good night moon, good night asteroid. 1.3008 0.05335 133 104 18 11
700 WE JUST WENT OUT FOR A WALK. 1.3007 0.04659 143 107 29 7
701 And the dragon and the princess lived happily ever after. 1.3007 0.04551 153 115 30 8
702 How was your appointment at the dentist? 1.3006 0.04032 173 127 40 6
703 Would you like a mint? 1.3005 0.04261 183 139 33 11
704 I picked the wrong day to start micro-dosing 1.3005 0.04467 183 142 27 14
705 And the knight said, "OK then, we can all just be friends." 1.3005 0.04331 183 140 31 12
706 No, I haven’t seen the remote. 1.3000 0.04159 170 126 37 7
707 And you thought addressing the elephant in the room was awkward 1.3000 0.04152 190 144 35 11
708 Like I said, there are no dogs left in the neighborhood to ask for play dates. 1.2995 0.04196 187 142 34 11
709 And then the dragon ate the Knight AND the Princess and lived happily ever after. The End. 1.2994 0.04430 177 136 29 12
710 Ask your mother. I'm busy. 1.2994 0.04649 157 120 27 10
711 I checked in your closet. No monsters. Back to bed. 1.2994 0.04560 157 119 29 9
712 No can do. Game Of Thrones is rated for mature dragons only. 1.2990 0.03958 194 145 40 9
713 I've told you before. You are NOT a lap dragon. 1.2989 0.04407 174 133 30 11
714 Only right-to-left would it say Digest Readers. 1.2988 0.04982 164 131 17 16
715 It says here you’re extinct, Glen. 1.2986 0.04631 144 108 29 7
716 You can stare all you want, you still have to stay off the couch. 1.2985 0.03930 201 151 40 10
717 Again? I just took you out an hour ago. 1.2985 0.05084 134 103 22 9
718 Puff? 1.2984 0.04264 191 147 31 13
719 Wow, dear, I guess you do look a little different without makeup. 1.2983 0.04358 181 139 30 12
720 It's OK Brutus, it's OK, it's a thunderstorm not an asteroid. 1.2982 0.03774 228 173 42 13
721 This story’s probably too scary for you. 1.2980 0.04074 151 109 39 3
722 There you go again, rearing your ugly head. 1.2979 0.04629 188 150 20 18
723 No, children are not treats. 1.2977 0.05048 131 100 23 8
724 Funny how I now miss the time during Covid where we had to stay 6 feet apart at all times 1.2976 0.04184 168 125 36 7
725 Tonight we’re reading “How to Train Your Dragon.” 1.2973 0.04742 148 113 26 9
726 OK, sit in my lap, but no claws. 1.2972 0.03964 212 162 37 13
727 The self-help book helped Dan exorcize his demons but did not tell him where to put them. 1.2971 0.04675 175 138 22 15
728 That was definitely more than 5 milligrams... 1.2971 0.05185 138 108 19 11
729 What have you done with the elephant? 1.2971 0.04759 138 104 27 7
730 One more before bed? 1.2970 0.03913 202 152 40 10
731 Mr. Kong was the tenant before me. Can I help you in some other way? 1.2970 0.04403 165 125 31 9
732 OK, I will never read Jurassic Park on shrooms again. 1.2969 0.04048 192 145 37 10
733 Maurice Sendak, yes. 1.2968 0.04683 155 119 26 10
734 For the last time Rex I’m not getting you a doggie door 1.2968 0.04683 155 119 26 10
735 Note to self: stop falling asleep while reading 1.2966 0.04906 145 112 23 10
736 Did you floss? 1.2966 0.04498 145 108 31 6
737 According to this text you went extinct 65 million years ago. 1.2963 0.04827 135 102 26 7
738 So this is what it’s like to face your demons? 1.2961 0.04090 179 134 37 8
739 I just took you for a walk 70 million years ago! 1.2959 0.04567 169 131 26 12
740 Rex! Did Timmy fall in the well again? 1.2959 0.04247 169 127 34 8
741 Okay, Okay! One last story and THEN, you are going to bed. 1.2956 0.04510 159 121 29 9
742 Again? You just sat on my lap. 1.2955 0.04212 176 133 34 9
743 Susan! I think I left that ‘Grow-A-Dino’ in water too long 1.2953 0.03962 193 145 39 9
744 No, it's Bronte, not Bronto. 1.2953 0.04809 149 115 24 10
745 Four score and seventy million years ago... 1.2952 0.04543 166 128 27 11
746 May I offer you a breath mint? 1.2952 0.04122 166 123 37 6
747 Ok, I think it's time to talk about the dinosaur in the room, Marvin. 1.2952 0.04122 166 123 37 6
748 Not again! I thought we were done with the Jurassic Period 1.2952 0.04462 166 127 29 10
749 It's the Bible, you don't exist. 1.2949 0.04745 156 121 24 11
750 Uh, excuse me. No matter what that book says, I'm not extinct. 1.2948 0.04259 173 131 33 9
751 Yes, I know the doggie door is too small for you. 1.2948 0.04259 173 131 33 9
752 OK, OK; wait 'til I grab your leash. 1.2946 0.04971 129 98 24 7
753 Sooo... what do you think?? It's only my first draft, okay. 1.2945 0.04876 146 113 23 10
754 I just fed you an hour ago. 1.2941 0.04057 170 126 38 6
755 Honey, you look great. By the way, have you seen my glasses? 1.2941 0.04626 153 117 27 9
756 So how is it so far? 1.2941 0.04436 153 115 31 7
757 It’s none of your business. 1.2938 0.04267 177 135 32 10
758 I promise. They're not real monsters 1.2938 0.04267 177 135 32 10
759 Does the word extinct mean anything to you? 1.2935 0.04296 184 142 30 12
760 I just hate it when the characters jump right off the page. 1.2934 0.04357 167 127 31 9
761 Yes, I'm reading a novel. You're not the only dinosaur in the room. 1.2934 0.04676 167 131 23 13
762 No - there's no meteorites in this one 1.2934 0.04273 167 126 33 8
763 We can go to Tokyo on Friday. 1.2932 0.05313 133 105 17 11
764 Are you mad at me? 1.2929 0.04700 140 106 27 7
765 It’s about us, isn’t it? 1.2929 0.05018 140 109 21 10
766 How about avid instead of voracious? 1.2928 0.04127 181 137 35 9
767 Are we having a moment? 1.2925 0.04651 147 112 27 8
768 What, you say this library book is 66 million years overdue! 1.2925 0.04231 147 108 35 4
769 Walter gave it his all with his best weapon-- assertive eye contact. 1.2925 0.04847 147 114 23 10
770 Open up and let her out." 1.2923 0.04124 195 150 33 12
771 What is it boy? Is the mouse back again? 1.2921 0.04094 178 134 36 8
772 “You’re out of toothpaste.” 1.2921 0.04171 178 135 34 9
773 "And the dragon and the man agreed that people are never dragon food. The end. 1.2921 0.04320 178 137 30 11
774 Goodnight noises everywhere. 1.2920 0.04877 137 105 24 8
775 You just went! 1.2919 0.04284 161 121 33 7
776 And then, in the fullness of time, God sent a giant meteor that wiped out all the dinosaurs and made way for mammals to evolve and live happily ever after. 1.2919 0.04136 185 141 34 10
777 And ... um ... Smaug lived happily ever after. 1.2917 0.04101 192 147 34 11
778 You need your rest. Go back under the bed. 1.2914 0.03976 175 130 39 6
779 It's about fossil fuels. I'm just gonna skip the first chapter … 1.2913 0.04887 127 96 25 6
780 I checked the index. You're not in here. 1.2913 0.04887 127 96 25 6
781 Dragons live forever and, in this economy, so do little boys. 1.2913 0.04758 127 95 27 5
782 How many times do I have to tell you...your scratching post is in the garage! 1.2912 0.04107 182 138 35 9
783 I’m sorry. Even though the yen is weak, flights to Tokyo are too expensive right now. 1.2912 0.04252 182 140 31 11
784 150 pounds….why do you ask? 1.2911 0.04241 158 118 34 6
785 Don't tell me you ate the elephant in the room. 1.2911 0.04517 158 121 28 9
786 When did you say these edibles were going to kick in again? 1.2911 0.04692 158 123 24 11
787 And all the dinosaurs thought what a beautiful falling star, and THEN! 1.2911 0.04861 158 125 20 13
788 So, now that you're a teenager Max, we need to talk about hygiene. 1.2907 0.04017 172 128 38 6
789 My intrusive thoughts are definitely getting worse. 1.2907 0.04017 172 128 38 6
790 I miss the elephant. 1.2905 0.04315 148 110 33 5
791 Time for bed. We'll read the next chapter tomorrow night. 1.2905 0.04523 148 112 29 7
792 Honey? Did you buy eggs from Facebook Marketplace again? 1.2905 0.05005 148 117 19 12
793 It's called "The Extinction of the Dinosaurs." It's fiction of course. 1.2905 0.04151 179 136 34 9
794 I know it’s unfair. But lots of fairy tales end up with the dragon slain. It’s not personal. 1.2903 0.04387 155 117 31 7
795 Time for a walk? 1.2903 0.04574 155 119 27 9
796 It was then he realized that his habit of reading out loud could draw unwanted attention 1.2903 0.04665 155 120 25 10
797 Wow, those Crest White Strips really work! 1.2903 0.04046 186 141 36 9
798 I was told you only eat things that move. 1.2903 0.04387 155 117 31 7
799 My analyst will find it hard to believe this 1.2901 0.04771 162 128 21 13
800 And after finishing the bride, he ate the groom, and then the rest of the wedding party, and they were all delicious. The end. 1.2899 0.04472 169 131 27 11
801 Stop breathing so loud. 1.2899 0.04736 138 105 26 7
802 We’ll skip the asteroid part tonight. 1.2896 0.04232 183 141 31 11
803 Awww, Insecurity! What’s the matter? 1.2895 0.04441 152 115 30 7
804 Curling up on my lap is no longer an option. 1.2893 0.04218 159 119 34 6
805 Go on. 1.2893 0.04025 159 117 38 4
806 You don't need a bed time snack. The postman, cable man, and two Amazon drivers will have to hold you 'till the paperboy comes." 1.2892 0.04393 204 164 21 19
807 You just went out for goodness sake! 1.2892 0.04362 166 127 30 9
808 Trigger warning: the dragon does not come out well in this fairy tale 1.2892 0.04445 166 128 28 10
809 And then the dragon didn’t eat the man and everyone lived happily ever after. 1.2890 0.04162 173 131 34 8
810 Alright… If I do the voices one more time, will you PROMISE not to burn down any villages tonight? 1.2889 0.04205 180 138 32 10
811 Why does it always have to be about you? 1.2889 0.03978 180 135 38 7
812 Sorry, that's just how the story goes... 1.2887 0.04129 194 150 32 12
813 There's not one mention of your ancestors being on The Ark 1.2886 0.04694 149 115 25 9
814 Monster child: And then what happened? Dad: The little girl jumped from her bed with a flashlight blinding the monster in the eyes and screamed at the top of her lungs! But that won’t happen to you. Now go to bed. 1.2885 0.04267 156 117 33 6
815 You know you're not allowed on the couch. 1.2880 0.04795 125 94 26 5
816 Get back in the book, where you belong! 1.2880 0.05057 125 96 22 7
817 Sorry, I’m all scared out. I just finished reading today’s headlines. 1.2880 0.05183 125 97 20 8
818 I’ll read you a story after you brush your teeth! 1.2880 0.04105 191 147 33 11
819 You should have thought about that before you ate Mommy. 1.2877 0.04657 146 112 26 8
820 I’m still mad at you for eating the cat. 1.2875 0.04468 160 123 28 9
821 For the last time, there are no kids hiding under your bed. Now go to sleep, it’s WAY past Mesozoic time. 1.2872 0.03980 195 149 36 10
822 The "puppy dog eyes" won't work this time. 1.2869 0.04725 122 91 27 4
823 If we were figments of each others imagination wouldn’t I be doing something more exciting than reading a book? 1.2869 0.04866 122 92 25 5
824 I've heard about the elephant in the room but who are you? 1.2868 0.04694 129 97 27 5
825 Go be a sleeping giant. 1.2867 0.04046 143 104 37 2
826 I'm sorry. I know it hurts. But the dragon still dies in the end. 1.2867 0.04471 150 114 29 7
827 No, I already read you a bedtime story. Go put on your jammies. 1.2866 0.04339 157 119 31 7
828 Wait… what happened to the elephant” 1.2866 0.04523 157 121 27 9
829 All the children trembled, and the monsters lived happily ever after. The end. 1.2865 0.04268 171 131 31 9
830 And they called it the Big Bang Theory! 1.2865 0.04019 171 128 37 6
831 The mass extinction of dinosaurs ushered in a new era. The end. Sleepy time!” 1.2857 0.04293 154 116 32 6
832 ...and s-so the good dragon killed the evil knight and married the p-pretty m-maiden. The end. 1.2857 0.04530 161 125 26 10
833 Okay, I'll read you a story. Just remember dragons do not eat bookworms. 1.2857 0.04479 168 131 26 11
834 Ah, Pride and Prejudice. You sir have good taste. Read on. 1.2857 0.04479 168 131 26 11
835 Of course it’s a Thesaurus, what else would it be? 1.2857 0.04265 161 122 32 7
836 Tell me who your orthodontist is and I'll get you a referal to my optometrist 1.2857 0.04149 168 127 34 7
837 You know, slay actually means something quite different now. 1.2857 0.05387 126 100 16 10
838 The reason why everyone is afraid of you is because you are an invasive species. 1.2857 0.03973 168 125 38 5
839 says here you’re extinct So go away. 1.2857 0.04335 140 104 32 4
840 They say book readers are virtually extinct, too, and yet here we both sit—thriving! 1.2857 0.04893 126 96 24 6
841 I thought readers were extinct. 1.2857 0.04452 140 105 30 5
842 No. We’re not reading Clifford The Big Red Dog again tonight. 1.2849 0.04356 179 140 27 12
843 Oh hello, I didn't hear you come in. 1.2849 0.04058 179 136 35 8
844 And then Grendel and the villagers lived happily ever after. 1.2848 0.04282 165 126 31 8
845 Well, it says here in the dictionary that extinct means... 1.2848 0.04124 158 118 35 5
846 I'll be right in to scratch your scales 1.2848 0.04587 158 123 25 10
847 I think there's a kid on top of the bed 1.2847 0.04794 144 112 23 9
848 There should be more maidens in the freezer 1.2847 0.04963 137 107 21 9
849 My therapist says we shouldn’t see each other anymore. 1.2847 0.04627 137 104 27 6
850 Is it scary? 1.2846 0.05032 130 101 21 8
851 Max is where?! 1.2846 0.04832 123 93 25 5
852 Daddy, I can't sleep, there's little children under my bed. 1.2841 0.04256 176 136 30 10
853 Puff I know you're upset that we no longer live by the sea but you're a magic dragon you're going to have to occupy yourself somehow. 1.2840 0.04295 169 130 30 9
854 I've told you before -- we only read Maurice Sendak at bedtime. 1.2840 0.04534 169 133 24 12
855 This one doesn't have pictures. You'll have to use your imagination. 1.2840 0.04590 162 127 24 11
856 This next part may be a little scary. 1.2839 0.04269 155 117 32 6
857 Darwin really said that??? 1.2839 0.04170 155 116 34 5
858 Not again. I just let you out.” 1.2837 0.04538 141 107 28 6
859 Yes, she was pretty. 1.2835 0.04860 127 97 24 6
860 I’m finishing this chapter, if it’s the last thing I’ll do. 1.2833 0.04335 180 141 27 12
861 OK, I'll read you a bedtime story. 1.2833 0.05183 120 93 20 7
862 The more interesting question is not why I am not scared of you, but why it’s so important to you that you are perceived as scary. 1.2833 0.05046 120 92 22 6
863 Where is Scruffles? 1.2830 0.04291 159 121 31 7
864 Okay, just a few more pages then you promise to go extinct. 1.2830 0.04648 159 125 23 11
865 Look, you chose Beowolf! I wanted something light! 1.2830 0.04561 159 124 25 10
866 Pee Pee? 1.2829 0.04420 152 116 29 7
867 You're home early. 1.2826 0.04823 138 107 23 8
868 Honey, think the cat got into your Prozac again. 1.2826 0.04336 184 145 26 13
869 The encyclopedia is such a dinosaur. Who reads these things anymore? 1.2826 0.04598 138 105 27 6
870 The kids are gone every other weekend, you know that. 1.2824 0.04021 170 128 36 6
871 I feel you may be even harder to acknowledge than the Elephant who is usually here. 1.2823 0.05065 124 96 21 7
872 It's just a story! Monster's aren't... uh... 1.2822 0.04309 163 125 30 8
873 Let me know if this bedtime story is too scary for you. 1.2821 0.04436 156 120 28 8
874 Hey, c'mon. It's just a story. Unicorns aren't real. 1.2819 0.04673 149 116 24 9
875 This better be the cocaine kicking in. 1.2819 0.04673 149 116 24 9
876 You always get like this when there are dishes in the sink. 1.2819 0.04373 149 113 30 6
877 You don't have to lick my finger every time I turn the page. 1.2818 0.04169 181 140 31 10
878 My living room isn't where the Wild Things ought to be! 1.2814 0.04063 167 126 35 6
879 No, I said I feel like I’m DRAGGING today… 1.2814 0.04237 167 128 31 8
880 Is that a thesaurus 1.2812 0.04827 128 98 24 6
881 Goodness, I just realized what fixing that overbite is going to cost me. 1.2810 0.04491 153 118 27 8
882 No, the yeti isn’t allowed on the couch either. 1.2808 0.04736 146 114 23 9
883 Ok, one more chapter. But then it's really your beddie time. 1.2805 0.04286 164 126 30 8
884 Will you be running as a Democrat or a Republican? 1.2805 0.04372 164 127 28 9
885 It says here you might have delusions of grandeur. 1.2803 0.04965 132 103 21 8
886 The last time you begged for a walk, you promised again and again you wouldn't eat all the dogs we encountered. We both know how THAT turned out. 1.2800 0.04646 150 117 24 9
887 I told you to stay away from the radioactive nuclear plant Rex! 1.2800 0.04104 175 134 33 8
888 It’s only a story, sweetie. Beowulf will make up with Grendel and they'll be friends. 1.2798 0.03918 193 148 36 9
889 Talk about words that jump off the page! 1.2797 0.04372 143 108 30 5
890 I was here first! 1.2794 0.04390 136 102 30 4
891 I’m looking for Darwin. 1.2794 0.04748 136 105 24 7
892 is That a Thesaurus you're reading? 1.2792 0.04466 154 119 27 8
893 Oh no, did I leave the drawbridge down again? 1.2792 0.04560 154 120 25 9
894 I wanted to be truly frightened, so I'm trying nonfiction. 1.2792 0.04466 154 119 27 8
895 No, I'm not putting the heat any higher for you. 1.2792 0.04068 154 115 35 4
896 You know the rules. I'm not reading you a bedtime story until you get back under the bed. 1.2792 0.04272 154 117 31 6
897 I don't care what your brother told you, you weren't adopted, you were cloned. 1.2786 0.04309 140 105 31 4
898 Thanks for shushing the neighbor’s Bichon Frisé.” 1.2786 0.04653 140 108 25 7
899 But son, you are different from the other children. Next time just say to the bullies "sticks and stones may break my bones"...... and then go eat them. 1.2786 0.04762 140 109 23 8
900 When I finish this chapter, we’ll look for your squeaky toy. 1.2781 0.04619 151 118 24 9
901 Are you sure you want me to read to the end of Buzzy the Comet? You had a hard time going to sleep last time. 1.2778 0.04247 180 141 28 11
902 Honey! Your turn to take the dragon out! 1.2778 0.04564 144 111 26 7
903 Alright, I'll read you one more bedtime story if you promise not to eat me. 1.2775 0.04127 173 133 32 8
904 Not tonight, I have a headache. 1.2774 0.04345 155 119 29 7
905 No, no, you misheard me. I didn't call you, I said this story is boring and seems to drag on. 1.2774 0.04441 155 120 27 8
906 Tyler! What have you been feeding your pet iguana? 1.2773 0.04611 119 89 27 3
907 It’s just a theory. 1.2773 0.05192 119 93 19 7
908 This isn't going to be the story about the meteor is it? 1.2771 0.04326 166 129 28 9
909 You're here for book club I hope. 1.2770 0.04479 148 114 27 7
910 Oh! I didn’t hear you come in! 1.2769 0.04635 130 99 26 5
911 Well, I don't know—how do you feel about intrusive magical realism? 1.2769 0.04762 130 100 24 6
912 I swear the magic spell said wizard. 1.2767 0.04080 159 120 34 5
913 No,no! I didn’t say they KILLED the fire-eating dragon! He’s just taking a long nap. It’s okay, Puff! 1.2767 0.04542 159 125 24 10
914 USE THE MONSTER-FLAP! 1.2766 0.04838 141 111 21 9
915 I told you our nephew was spending the night. Now, get back under that bed and go to sleep. 1.2765 0.04172 170 131 31 8
916 When the elephant in the room is a dinosaur does it mean I’m THAT old? 1.2764 0.05452 123 99 14 10
917 Who's a good chupacabradoodle? 1.2763 0.04778 152 121 20 11
918 No, thats not what Architectural Digest means. 1.2763 0.04298 152 116 30 6
919 Yes, there's a dragon on the cover, but I assure you it's mostly about people. 1.2763 0.04496 152 118 26 8
920 There’s no such thing as a knight in shining armor who hides under your bed. 1.2761 0.04784 134 104 23 7
921 Let me guess, your bowl is empty. 1.2761 0.04418 134 101 29 4
922 How’s the juice cleanse going, Honey? 1.2761 0.04900 134 105 21 8
923 Oops. Did I forget to feed you? 1.2761 0.04665 134 103 25 6
924 We should do something about your overbite. 1.2759 0.04536 145 112 26 7
925 You had your elk, now what? 1.2759 0.04641 145 113 24 8
926 The princess was delicious, and the dragon lived happily ever after. 1.2759 0.04429 145 111 28 6
927 You'd like it, the husband's a total monster. 1.2756 0.04832 127 98 23 6
928 There's something under my bed. 1.2756 0.04566 127 96 27 4
929 Yes, I'll read you a story, and no, you can't sit on my lap. 1.2754 0.03767 167 124 40 3
930 Fine. You get the leash, I'll fetch the shovel. 1.2752 0.04652 149 117 23 9
931 It just scares me that you're so nearsighted. 1.2752 0.04936 149 120 17 12
932 I miss the days when you could sleep snugly under my bed. 1.2752 0.04748 149 118 21 10
933 What did you eat earlier?! 1.2750 0.05016 120 93 21 6
934 I'm guessing you are Martha's attempt at an April Fools prank? 1.2749 0.04067 171 131 33 7
935 Oh, sorry, Puff! Next time I’ll change the ending. 1.2749 0.04067 171 131 33 7
936 Brush your teeth. 1.2748 0.04730 131 101 24 6
937 Okay, one more story about defenseless herbivores and then it's time for bed. 1.2748 0.04730 131 101 24 6
938 Here to replace the monkey on my back? 1.2746 0.04596 142 110 25 7
939 I'll let you out in a minute. 1.2746 0.04486 142 109 27 6
940 We're gonna need a bigger couch. 1.2745 0.04470 153 119 26 8
941 Book club meets tomorrow 1.2745 0.04565 153 120 24 9
942 And Jackie Paper became a man, and moved with his dragon to a place called Honah Lee, where they lived happily ever after. 1.2745 0.04470 153 119 26 8
943 You're right. We need to talk. 1.2745 0.04172 153 116 32 5
944 No, I promise. There are no monsters in this story. 1.2745 0.04565 153 120 24 9
945 I'm calling an orthodontist. 1.2745 0.04273 153 117 30 6
946 Please, just one more bedtime story and I'll go. 1.2745 0.04172 153 116 32 5
947 Reptile brain? It was a figure of speech, Susan, nothing more! 1.2744 0.04266 164 127 29 8
948 You’re the villain. Again. 1.2743 0.05067 113 87 21 5
949 MAGA home delivery... 1.2743 0.04909 113 86 23 4
950 I think I might prefer the elephant in the room. 1.2742 0.04629 124 94 26 4
951 Who said a gila monster was less trouble than a puppy? 1.2742 0.05036 124 97 20 7
952 No offense, but I preferred the elephant! 1.2741 0.04514 135 103 27 5
953 You're not allowed on the furniture. 1.2740 0.04403 146 112 28 6
954 It's just a story. Nobody really lives happily ever after at your expense. 1.2740 0.04183 146 110 32 4
955 If I read this story again, do you promise not to try and fall asleep on my lap 1.2739 0.04483 157 123 25 9
956 Why did my wife let you in? 1.2739 0.04748 157 126 19 12
957 … and Godzilla and King Kong lived happily ever after. 1.2739 0.04391 157 122 27 8
958 I guess you aren’t the elephant 1.2738 0.04023 168 128 34 6
959 I think I’m going to sneeze. 1.2734 0.05048 128 101 19 8
960 Let’s see if we can find a story where the dragon makes new friends. 1.2734 0.04798 128 99 23 6
961 Wait, I'll switch to canned food! 1.2734 0.04544 139 107 26 6
962 I have to pee. 1.2733 0.04526 150 117 25 8
963 You just missed the elephant in the room 1.2733 0.04624 150 118 23 9
964 It’s a prehistoric history story. You will not like the ending. 1.2733 0.04720 150 119 21 10
965 Have you seen my glasses? 1.2727 0.04674 143 112 23 8
966 So, you're the surprise ending! 1.2727 0.04458 143 110 27 6
967 Sorry, I'm a cat person. 1.2727 0.04778 143 113 21 9
968 Please tell me you're a vegetarian. 1.2727 0.05116 121 95 19 7
969 Where am I going to find a plastic bag big enough? 1.2727 0.05055 132 105 18 9
970 Once upon a time, about 55 million years ago, there was a big bad comet... 1.2727 0.04066 176 136 32 8
971 Don’t worry. Chris Pratt can’t hurt you here. 1.2721 0.04377 147 113 28 6
972 Okay. First, go brush your teeth then I will read you a story. 1.2721 0.04485 136 104 27 5
973 The reviewer said the characters would leap off the page. 1.2721 0.04485 136 104 27 5
974 It's a fine book, but people still don't see you as a novelist. 1.2720 0.05128 125 99 18 8
975 'Beowolf' may not have been the best choice. 1.2720 0.04597 125 95 26 4
976 No, no, no, 'slay' has a different meaning in modern parlance. 1.2716 0.04552 162 129 22 11
977 Then the giant asteroid hit! Kaboom!! And the rest is history.... 1.2716 0.04202 162 125 30 7
978 If it'll make you feel better, Godzilla eats Scarlett and Rhett and lives happily ever after. 1.2715 0.04500 151 118 25 8
979 I'm not gonna do the voices though, okay? 1.2714 0.04738 140 110 22 8
980 What do you mean, you're more afraid of me? 1.2714 0.04161 140 105 32 3
981 I’m not in the mood. 1.2714 0.04845 140 111 20 9
982 And the prince was eaten. The End. Now it's bedtime. 1.2714 0.04516 140 108 26 6
983 Oh. Sorry. Did I turn the page before you finished it? 1.2713 0.04505 129 98 27 4
984 Walkies after Daddy finishes his chapter, ok? 1.2713 0.04891 129 101 21 7
985 We have to do something about your breath... 1.2710 0.04225 155 119 30 6
986 I take it that you’ve already eaten the elephant in the room. 1.2710 0.04419 155 121 26 8
987 I'm told it's a good read, but it doesn't end well for the dragon. 1.2710 0.04125 155 118 32 5
988 Clifford- The Big Red Dog is NOT a cook book. 1.2710 0.04225 155 119 30 6
989 And then the dragon ate the hero because any other ending would be mere fantasy. 1.2708 0.04540 144 112 25 7
990 That chapter about you? OK...I'll read it to you again! 1.2708 0.04320 144 110 29 5
991 I'm going to venture a guess that you had a bad day at the office. 1.2707 0.04417 133 101 28 4
992 ... and they lived happily ever after. Go to sleep, now. 1.2707 0.04789 133 104 22 7
993 You know I don’t like it when you read over my shoulder like that” 1.2707 0.04544 133 102 26 5
994 I'm not reading you anymore until you brush your teeth 1.2705 0.04661 122 93 25 4
995 For the last time, there is no small, adorable child under your bed! 1.2704 0.04342 159 124 27 8
996 Be sure to brush your teeth. 1.2703 0.04244 148 113 30 5
997 You just went out and burned down Tokyo two hours ago. 1.2701 0.04691 137 107 23 7
998 I don't think he wants to cuddle, Marge. 1.2699 0.04179 163 126 30 7
999 Honey, another literary monster leapt off the page. 1.2699 0.04088 163 125 32 6
1000 I just fed you. 1.2695 0.04374 141 108 28 5
1001 Search continues for contaminated GM pet food. 1.2695 0.04374 141 108 28 5
1002 No, I cannot take you back to the dentist! You ate him! 1.2695 0.04284 167 131 27 9
1003 Brontobibliophilesaurus 1.2692 0.04858 130 102 21 7
1004 This is Beowulf. Grendel is still on the shelf. 1.2690 0.04374 171 136 24 11
1005 And after he eats the evil prince, the brave monster and the beautiful princess live happily ever after. 1.2690 0.04617 145 114 23 8
1006 Yes, Mother? 1.2688 0.04409 160 126 25 9
1007 I know the end is near, but I insist on starting from the beginning. 1.2688 0.03836 160 120 37 3
1008 Just let me finish three more pages and I'll take you for a walk. 1.2687 0.04389 134 102 28 4
1009 Do these arms look short and not very functional to you? 1.2687 0.04637 134 104 24 6
1010 Dad... I think there's a kid under my bed 1.2685 0.04530 149 117 24 8
1011 Nope. I’ve been skipping right to the pages with the claw marks. 1.2683 0.04770 123 95 23 5
1012 I can still hear you breathing 1.2683 0.04333 164 129 26 9
1013 I missed you too, a lot. Mom and dad made me flush you down the toilet. 1.2681 0.04661 138 108 23 7
1014 Could you crawl back under the bed until I finish this chapter. 1.2679 0.04177 168 131 29 8
1015 Look, I'm as concerned as you are, but it definitely says "extinct" 1.2672 0.05387 116 93 15 8
1016 What is it, boy? Timmy's down the tar pits? 1.2672 0.05525 116 94 13 9
1017 I filed my tax return last week. 1.2672 0.05101 116 91 19 6
1018 If you keep bothering me, I won't let you watch Godzilla! 1.2672 0.04575 131 101 25 5
1019 You wouldn't happen to know what happened to the elephant in the room, would you? 1.2672 0.05177 131 106 15 10
1020 It’s just a story Rex, the meteor isn’t real. 1.2672 0.04702 131 102 23 6
1021 Please do not sneeze. 1.2671 0.04485 146 114 25 7
1022 I told you, first we're going to The New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest Look-See session and then, if there's still time, you can roam the earth until extinction. 1.2671 0.04725 161 131 17 13
1023 Cuddle up and I'll read you your bedtime story. 1.2667 0.03986 180 140 32 8
1024 For the last time, you may not sit on the couch! 1.2667 0.04698 150 120 20 10
1025 You can destroy the city when I finish reading. 1.2667 0.04045 165 127 32 6
1026 I can’t just keep reading the love scenes. 1.2667 0.04841 120 93 22 5
1027 ..my night light went out… 1.2667 0.04607 135 105 24 6
1028 No, Clifford is not bigger, or redder than you. 1.2667 0.04504 150 118 24 8
1029 Gotta go pee? 1.2663 0.04220 184 147 25 12
1030 The end might break your heart but please don't sigh! 1.2662 0.04326 154 120 27 7
1031 Go read your own book. 1.2662 0.04401 139 107 27 5
1032 I always wondered what it was like to stay at the Godzilla-themed hotel in Japan. 1.2659 0.03922 173 133 34 6
1033 Down boy! Dinner isn't until 5. 1.2658 0.04155 158 122 30 6
1034 First digest the wife and kids, then we'll go for a walk. 1.2658 0.04702 158 128 18 12
1035 Would Tennessee Williams approve of your aggressiveness? 1.2657 0.04433 143 111 26 6
1036 It’s raining. No walkies today. 1.2656 0.04769 128 100 22 6
1037 People tell me I have a vivid imagination. 1.2656 0.04638 128 99 24 5
1038 I keep telling you, St. George isn't under your bed. Now go back to sleep. 1.2656 0.04638 128 99 24 5
1039 Is this a new take on the elephant in the room? 1.2656 0.04365 128 97 28 3
1040 I really hope I’m wearing my AR goggles right now! 1.2655 0.04536 113 85 26 2
1041 I already told you! You need a breath mint. 1.2655 0.05031 113 88 20 5
1042 How they taste is not the point - the princess is not a metaphor for lunch. 1.2654 0.04360 162 128 25 9
1043 It's time to brush your teeth and go to bed. 1.2654 0.04360 162 128 25 9
1044 Not another walk, buddy! I threw my back out cleaning up after you the last time. 1.2653 0.04858 147 119 17 11
1045 Deep breaths, sweetie. I said ‘meatier’, not ‘meteor’. 1.2652 0.04793 132 104 21 7
1046 Dinner time, you're up 1.2652 0.04670 132 103 23 6
1047 You can read it after I'm done 1.2652 0.04416 132 101 27 4
1048 Don't believe that paleontology book, they make up everything 1.2652 0.04545 132 102 25 5
1049 It says your'e extinct. 1.2650 0.04605 117 89 25 3
1050 I see you’re also into prehistorical fiction. 1.2650 0.04915 117 91 21 5
1051 You're in my spot 1.2650 0.04605 117 89 25 3
1052 Honestly, I don’t know what’s less believable—you or this dialogue. 1.2649 0.04275 151 117 28 6
1053 Glad to see the implants are holding 1.2647 0.04205 136 103 30 3
1054 This is the last time I visit Australia! 1.2647 0.04810 136 108 20 8
1055 My wife will be home shortly, and her rule is no monsters in the living room. 1.2647 0.04457 136 105 26 5
1056 Did you use your litterbox like I told you? 1.2647 0.04333 136 104 28 4
1057 Story’s over! Time to get back under the bed. 1.2645 0.04584 155 124 21 10
1058 Honey bad news about the missing hamster. 1.2645 0.04202 155 120 29 6
1059 Go ask your mother. 1.2645 0.05218 121 97 16 8
1060 Yeah, well, whose idea was it to eat the TV? 1.2645 0.05218 121 97 16 8
1061 Where's the elephant? Did you eat the elephant? 1.2645 0.04947 121 95 20 6
1062 But we just went walkies! 1.2645 0.04806 121 94 22 5
1063 Then, seemingly from nowhere, a meteor streaked across the sky! 1.2642 0.03935 159 121 34 4
1064 It’s not just your breath 1.2639 0.04180 144 110 30 4
1065 Can’t you see I’m busy? Be a good monster and go torment the neighborhood children. 1.2638 0.04248 163 128 27 8
1066 I asked you if you needed to go out before I sat down. 1.2638 0.04423 163 130 23 10
1067 When my friend said she ‘devoured’ this book, I think it was hyperbole. 1.2636 0.04607 129 100 24 5
1068 Don’t worry, Stephen King didn’t use your real name. 1.2636 0.04736 129 101 22 6
1069 What the hell? You were just a few inches when I dropped you in the water. 1.2635 0.04534 148 117 23 8
1070 I'll read you the bedtime story after you put your pajamas on. 1.2635 0.04326 148 115 27 6
1071 Be patient. The Pleistocene is covered in the next chapter. 1.2635 0.04219 148 114 29 5
1072 Can you wait until I finish this chapter? 1.2632 0.05294 114 91 16 7
1073 Your breath is horrible. 1.2632 0.05294 114 91 16 7
1074 You did what? - where? 1.2632 0.04992 114 89 20 5
1075 Now this is a graphic novel. 1.2632 0.04834 114 88 22 4
1076 Sorry to intrude, but I’m looking for the SciFi book club meeting. 1.2632 0.04671 114 87 24 3
1077 Um...... you did your nails? 1.2632 0.04761 133 105 21 7
1078 I'm sorry, Marge, but I'm still not ready for you to meet mother. 1.2632 0.04352 152 119 26 7
1079 Not now Trump, go to your people with those monster lies! 1.2632 0.05145 114 90 18 6
1080 ...the end. Now go to sleep, and stop complaining about a scary child on top of your bed. 1.2628 0.04372 156 123 25 8
1081 Don't worry. Godzilla triumphs in the end. 1.2628 0.04889 137 110 18 9
1082 It’s not dinner time yet. We’re on daylight savings time now. We go through this every year. 1.2627 0.05167 118 94 17 7
1083 Sorry, it's "Bleak House", not "Where the Wild Things Are". 1.2624 0.04461 141 110 25 6
1084 Honey ! Your mother is giving me that look again ! 1.2623 0.04771 122 95 22 5
1085 Don't be scared, it's just a story. 1.2623 0.04478 122 93 26 3
1086 What's with the move to vegetarianism? 1.2623 0.04771 122 95 22 5
1087 It’s non fiction. I don’t think you would like it. 1.2623 0.04627 122 94 24 4
1088 And then Puff the Magic Dragon sadly slipped into his cage. Time for bed. 1.2623 0.05180 122 98 16 8
1089 “Again? I just checked. There’s no monsters under your bed! Now go to back to sleep!” 1.2622 0.04044 164 127 31 6
1090 You've had three walks in the last two hours. 1.2622 0.03951 164 126 33 5
1091 You’re supposed to be in bed! 1.2621 0.04487 145 114 24 7
1092 Will you please get back in this book? 1.2621 0.04696 145 116 20 9
1093 Okay, one more story and then it's back under the bed with you. 1.2621 0.04155 145 111 30 4
1094 What year is it? 1.2619 0.05062 126 101 17 8
1095 Well, thank you for the spoiler Mr. Rex 1.2619 0.04935 126 100 19 7
1096 No, there isn't a child under your bed. 1.2617 0.04194 149 115 29 5
1097 Are you some kind of "spoiler?" 1.2615 0.04575 130 101 24 5
1098 Ok, just one more chapter, and then it’s off to bed with you! 1.2612 0.04609 134 105 23 6
1099 Don’t worry, “How to Exorcise Your Demons” is metaphorical. 1.2612 0.04486 134 104 25 5
1100 I'm afraid history is not going in your favor. 1.2612 0.04609 134 105 23 6
1101 Okay, one more story. Then you have to go to bed. 1.2611 0.04253 157 123 27 7
1102 I’ll take you for a walk, but you have to clean-up after yourself. 1.2609 0.04636 115 88 24 3
1103 Does the princess leave the dragon? 1.2609 0.04635 138 109 22 7
1104 Suddenly, a ball of fire in the sky… 1.2609 0.05396 115 93 14 8
1105 And just in the nick of time, Dr. Neil deGrasse Tyson used his anti-mater trebuchet to deflect the evil asteroid and everyone lived happily ever after... 1.2606 0.04434 142 111 25 6
1106 Honey, any chance you were playing around with that toxic waste sample I brought home from the office? 1.2603 0.04667 146 117 20 9
1107 No, actually it’s quite supportive of wild things. 1.2602 0.04876 123 97 20 6
1108 Who left the door open? 1.2600 0.03949 150 114 33 3
1109 No, the book isn't scary. You'll be fine. 1.2600 0.04480 150 119 23 8
1110 Why is it every time I crack open Where the Wild Things Are...? 1.2598 0.04771 127 100 21 6
1111 No, we can’t go see Godzilla tonight. 1.2597 0.04202 154 120 28 6
1112 I'm sure they'll be ok at the end. 1.2595 0.04279 131 100 28 3
1113 Damn, that thawing Artic ice! 1.2595 0.04672 131 103 22 6
1114 Oh, I didn't hear you knock. 1.2595 0.04279 131 100 28 3
1115 The doctor did not mention any side effects like this! 1.2595 0.04545 131 102 24 5
1116 I CAN'T tell you how it ends; I haven't finished it yet 1.2595 0.04034 158 122 31 5
1117 For a fictional character, your breath is truly revolting. 1.2593 0.04427 162 130 22 10
1118 You can have the book when I'm done 1.2593 0.05158 108 85 18 5
1119 You’re so vain. I’ll bet you think this book is about you. 1.2593 0.05323 108 86 16 6
1120 I TOLD you if you ate one more neighbor, there would be no "Good Night, Moon" for a month! 1.2593 0.04698 135 107 21 7
1121 I just let you out five minutes ago! 1.2590 0.04490 139 109 24 6
1122 No more. Time for nighty-night. 1.2590 0.04373 139 108 26 5
1123 Go away. I haven't reached the chapter on the subconscious yet. 1.2590 0.04605 139 110 22 7
1124 And the sleepy monster closed its eyes and went to sleep. The end. 1.2590 0.04717 139 111 20 8
1125 Welcome to extinction’s waiting room. The Creator will be with you shortly. 1.2589 0.05033 112 88 19 5
1126 Ok I see it now. It's just an eyelash. 1.2589 0.05190 112 89 17 6
1127 No, I'm not going to skip to the last page so you can see how it ends. What's your hurry? You think a meteor is going to strike? 1.2587 0.04177 143 110 29 4
1128 Enough with the bedtime story, time for extinction. 1.2586 0.05212 116 93 16 7
1129 Honey, what kind of dog did you say this was? 1.2586 0.04761 116 90 22 4
1130 Does the fact that you're not extinct after all mean I'm about to be? 1.2585 0.04106 147 113 30 4
1131 No, it's "nighty-night" time now. 1.2583 0.05090 120 96 17 7
1132 Clarg, you know I hate when you scare me beyond all reason while I'm reading. I don't mind harboring an intergalactic fugitive as long as this house remains a home. 1.2583 0.05225 120 97 15 8
1133 Then the mean old caveman tried to run away but still tasted very good. 1.2583 0.04506 120 92 25 3
1134 Go brush them again. 1.2583 0.05090 120 96 17 7
1135 There’s no scary child under your bed. Go back to sleep 1.2583 0.04251 151 118 27 6
1136 Sorry, I'm already consumed by this book. 1.2581 0.04562 124 96 24 4
1137 In my living room, that is where the wild things are. 1.2581 0.04374 155 123 24 8
1138 No, you can’t sit on my lap- I’m reading. Go play in the yard. 1.2581 0.04841 124 98 20 6
1139 Hold on there! Let me devour this book first. 1.2579 0.04110 159 124 29 6
1140 I warned you it was a scary story. 1.2578 0.04606 128 100 23 5
1141 No Rexy! No goat snacks! 1.2578 0.04738 128 101 21 6
1142 For the last time, I'm not gonna do the voices 1.2578 0.04866 128 102 19 7
1143 "Room for both. Scooch in." 1.2577 0.03949 163 126 32 5
1144 I'll come look, but I'm sure there's not an asteroid under your bed. 1.2577 0.04571 163 133 18 12
1145 For the last time, no more stories until you stop eating the neighbors. 1.2576 0.04884 132 106 18 8
1146 But I have to go out NOW!!!!! 1.2576 0.04884 132 106 18 8
1147 What do you mean, “dog tastes better than they say”? 1.2576 0.04764 132 105 20 7
1148 What is it Rex? Is that little girl next door bothering you again? 1.2576 0.04385 132 102 26 4
1149 Are you coming to bed? 1.2574 0.04549 136 107 23 6
1150 OMG! The characters really do pop off the pages. 1.2574 0.04549 136 107 23 6
1151 No, you can’t get on the couch. 1.2571 0.04462 140 110 24 6
1152 I was never bothered by the elephant in the room either. 1.2571 0.04687 140 112 20 8
1153 I don't fit under the bed. 1.2571 0.05418 105 84 15 6
1154 Ok buddy, Dadzilla will read one more chapter, then off to bed. 1.2571 0.04885 105 81 21 3
1155 Yes, poor Jane Eyre has a rough go at the start, but believe me, it gets better for her. 1.2571 0.04102 140 107 30 3
1156 I haven’t gone to sleep yet. 1.2569 0.04379 144 113 25 6
1157 It’s not you. It’s me. 1.2569 0.04596 144 115 21 8
1158 Sweetheart, you just don't photograph well. You look the same as the day we got married. 1.2569 0.04596 144 115 21 8
1159 Mildred, I think you need to cut back on the growth hormones. 1.2569 0.04152 144 111 29 4
1160 In a few minutes I'll let you out and you can demolish the greater metro area. 1.2569 0.04947 109 85 20 4
1161 What was in that new Cat Food? 1.2568 0.04610 148 119 20 9
1162 It's Kong's turn to pick the bedtime story today. 1.2564 0.05172 117 94 16 7
1163 No, reading makes you more interesting, not more flavorful. 1.2564 0.05028 117 93 18 6
1164 Two words: Tic Tac 1.2564 0.04726 117 91 22 4
1165 I am trying to remember - is that the "I need a walk" look, or the "you look like a yummy meal" look? 1.2564 0.04155 156 122 28 6
1166 Don't you listen to those mean t-rex school yard bullies. You're a handsome iguanadon and don't you forget it! Now who wants a sheep snack?! 1.2562 0.04771 121 95 21 5
1167 I feel like we're not as close, anymore. 1.2560 0.04806 125 99 20 6
1168 First I am going to feed your mind. 1.2558 0.04956 129 104 17 8
1169 Was I reading aloud again? 1.2558 0.04705 129 102 21 6
1170 May I recommend the neighbor’s dog? 1.2558 0.04705 129 102 21 6
1171 Nope. You don't bring my slippers, I don't bring your food. 1.2558 0.05077 129 105 15 9
1172 You are what you eat so I’m your wife now Tim … deal with it 1.2556 0.04967 133 108 16 9
1173 The suspense is literally making my eyes pop out of my head. 1.2556 0.04610 133 105 22 6
1174 Hey, you agreed that I could read it first! 1.2556 0.04732 133 106 20 7
1175 Do you mind being menacing in the other room? 1.2555 0.04275 137 106 27 4
1176 No, there isnt a child on your bed, go back to sleep. 1.2555 0.04017 137 104 31 2
1177 Every time I sit down with a book, you have to go out. 1.2552 0.04241 145 113 27 5
1178 Sorry, but “Tyrannosaurus in the room” does not have the same ring to it. 1.2550 0.04275 149 117 26 6
1179 And they call me a dinosaur 1.2549 0.05518 102 82 14 6
1180 Calm down. There are no humans on top of your bed. 1.2547 0.05697 106 87 11 8
1181 Don’t worry Fido, the doc says we’re next. 1.2545 0.04907 110 86 20 4
1182 You're past curfew. 1.2545 0.05236 110 88 16 6
1183 I get it, honey. You're Hangry. 1.2545 0.05074 110 87 18 5
1184 It's the Yearling, and you'll cry 1.2544 0.04955 114 90 19 5
1185 I knew you were here but do you have to breathe on me? 1.2542 0.04990 118 94 18 6
1186 We can't go for a walk--there's a meteor coming. 1.2540 0.04904 126 101 18 7
1187 Stop your whining. You know how much your braces are gonna cost. 1.2540 0.04638 126 99 22 5
1188 Please go ask your mother. 1.2540 0.04638 126 99 22 5
1189 I don't think you're being a bridezilla, Darcy, but you probably could have found a nicer way to say you don't want sunflowers in the centerpieces. 1.2538 0.04673 130 103 21 6
1190 Is someone hungry? 1.2538 0.04411 130 101 25 4
1191 Ralph, hoping for a quiet evening at home alone, looked up to discover that his childhood demons could come back to haunt him. 1.2538 0.04411 130 101 25 4
1192 This is what I get for buying a house off of God-Zillow 1.2537 0.04455 134 105 24 5
1193 I don't know if you want to hear a story about a big asteroid approaching the earth? 1.2535 0.04406 142 112 24 6
1194 Calm down! Beauty and the Beast do hook up in the end. 1.2535 0.04734 142 115 18 9
1195 Are you my mommy? 1.2535 0.04173 142 110 28 4
1196 Would you prefer an audiobook? 1.2534 0.04326 146 115 25 6
1197 I thought my daughter said you were imaginary? 1.2533 0.04456 150 120 22 8
1198 Well you’re the one who wanted to do Ketamine 1.2533 0.04652 150 122 18 10
1199 I'm sorry, am I in your seat? 1.2532 0.03969 154 119 31 4
1200 No, you may not eat the couch. 1.2524 0.04921 103 80 20 3
1201 I'm busy. Go out and play. 1.2524 0.05110 103 81 18 4
1202 Wait, you’re not Jeff Goldblum.. 1.2524 0.05293 103 82 16 5
1203 You've made your point about flossing. 1.2523 0.04985 107 84 19 4
1204 Sorry, I’m all out of dental floss. 1.2523 0.04697 111 86 22 3
1205 It’s cold outside. Use your litter box. 1.2522 0.05217 115 93 15 7
1206 Don't worry, I think you'll like the Monster at the End of this Book. 1.2522 0.04759 115 90 21 4
1207 I think there’s a monster under my bed. 1.2522 0.05069 115 92 17 6
1208 Don't believe the fake news about us being extinct! 1.2521 0.04656 119 93 22 4
1209 For the 100th time, I’m not going to skip to the end. 1.2520 0.04703 123 97 21 5
1210 I was hoping to have had more time prior to this confrontation. 1.2520 0.04410 123 95 25 3
1211 You forgot to brush again didn't you ! 1.2520 0.04996 127 103 16 8
1212 I suppose most people would say that Godzilla is the villain, yes. 1.2520 0.04869 127 102 18 7
1213 Wow, the elephant in the room got an upgrade. 1.2520 0.04869 127 102 18 7
1214 I'm not staying in the closet anymore! 1.2519 0.04641 131 104 21 6
1215 This settles it, Im going to put a bell on you! 1.2519 0.04888 131 106 17 8
1216 I’m sorry, I didn’t realize this was your diary 1.2519 0.04641 131 104 21 6
1217 Okay, one more Sendak story, but then you have to go upstairs and terrorize the children. 1.2519 0.04299 135 105 26 4
1218 Has the dental office reported the hygenist as missing?” 1.2519 0.04786 135 109 18 8
1219 ... and frolicked in the autumn mist, in a land called Honah Lee. The end. 1.2519 0.04169 135 104 28 3
1220 And all through the house, not a creature was stirr.... 1.2519 0.04669 135 108 20 7
1221 Which politician do I eat next dad? 1.2519 0.04786 135 109 18 8
1222 You’re supposed to be in the closet! 1.2518 0.04577 139 111 21 7
1223 Hey! I spent $60 on this bible. Back off! 1.2518 0.04577 139 111 21 7
1224 Geez, how often do you floss? 1.2517 0.04027 143 110 30 3
1225 You can have it as soon as I'm finished with it. 1.2517 0.04265 143 112 26 5
1226 Yeah, I’m in your spot. So what? 1.2517 0.04265 143 112 26 5
1227 Honey, I think it's time for the W-A-L-K... 1.2517 0.04265 143 112 26 5
1228 Did you look in the fridge? There's gotta be something to eat in this house. 1.2517 0.04512 147 118 21 8
1229 ...and the baby T-Rex said, "My little arms are good for everything I need, and he lived happily ever after.' 1.2517 0.04190 147 115 27 5
1230 Your wife told me you were a lawyer . 1.2517 0.04407 147 117 23 7
1231 No, you don’t get a Pride Month—that’s not what we mean by ‘coming out of the closet.’ 1.2515 0.03925 163 127 31 5
1232 Son, take three deep breaths. You are reacting with your reptilian brain. 1.2500 0.04217 132 102 27 3
1233 I’m reading as fast as I can! 1.2500 0.04142 136 105 28 3
1234 OK, OK! Go get your leash while I finish this chapter. 1.2500 0.04879 116 92 19 5
1235 This will not be a murder mystery. 1.2500 0.04597 152 124 18 10
1236 Sorry, I was reading. How long were you waiting? 1.2500 0.05201 124 102 13 9
1237 It’s considered a happy ending when Max doesn’t get eaten. 1.2500 0.05592 104 85 12 7
1238 Well it says right here that you are NOT a carnivore. 1.2500 0.05152 112 90 16 6
1239 Someday you’ll be too big to hop up on my lap. But I hope that day never comes. 1.2500 0.04352 144 114 24 6
1240 Get into your jammies and I'll read you another bedtime story. 1.2500 0.04272 136 106 26 4
1241 On the count of three, you're going to be extinct. 1.2500 0.05177 116 94 15 7
1242 You looking at me? 1.2500 0.04722 116 91 21 4
1243 I had no idea the wild things were here. 1.2500 0.05056 120 97 16 7
1244 Who let you out of the book? 1.2500 0.04771 120 95 20 5
1245 It's just an expression, I'm not really a dinosaur. 1.2500 0.04706 128 102 20 6
1246 Hang on, I’m still looking for the one where the dragon wins… 1.2500 0.04519 136 108 22 6
1247 You shaved your moustache! 1.2500 0.05423 104 84 14 6
1248 Yes, it is a scratch and sniff. 1.2500 0.05177 116 94 15 7
1249 Wow! Reading really does unlock your imagination! 1.2500 0.04272 136 106 26 4
1250 Hey, you might wanna let it air out before you go in there. 1.2500 0.04344 160 129 22 9
1251 The Monster, having escaped from under the bed, was terrified by what he found in the living room. 1.2500 0.04091 164 130 27 7
1252 You misheard me. I called out because Im reading the bio of DINAH SHORE! 1.2500 0.05000 100 78 19 3
1253 How would you like it if I violated your personal space? 1.2500 0.05116 108 86 17 5
1254 I’m not another fantasy you can escape in books, Ted. 1.2500 0.04638 136 109 20 7
1255 You look nothing like your profile picture. 1.2500 0.04879 116 92 19 5
1256 When anxiety rears its ugly head. 1.2484 0.04475 153 124 20 9
1257 Sit! Good boy! 1.2483 0.04141 149 117 27 5
1258 And then the hero... uh... missed the monster entirely with her sword. 1.2483 0.04325 145 115 24 6
1259 Orwellian pastiche. 1.2483 0.04325 145 115 24 6
1260 How to Train a Dragon 1.2483 0.04213 145 114 26 5
1261 And then the meteor just flew right over, right dad? 1.2483 0.04435 145 116 22 7
1262 No! No more cookies today! 1.2482 0.04289 141 111 25 5
1263 You can bare your teeth all you want Mr. Grumpy Pants, but we're not going for a walk until I finish this chapter. 1.2482 0.04608 137 110 20 7
1264 I think you’ll devour this book. 1.2482 0.04244 137 107 26 4
1265 I'm reading right now — we can cuddle later. 1.2482 0.04369 137 108 24 5
1266 You're not due until Chapter Six. 1.2482 0.04608 137 110 20 7
1267 But I just took you for a walk. 1.2482 0.04369 137 108 24 5
1268 I always knew my imagination had a flair for the dramatic, but this is next-level theatrics. 1.2482 0.04244 137 107 26 4
1269 This book says you're supposed to have feathers. 1.2482 0.04490 137 109 22 6
1270 Yes, it is a history book. Looks like you have a lot of catching up to do! 1.2481 0.04702 133 107 19 7
1271 I thought it was always the elephant in the room-- 1.2481 0.04702 133 107 19 7
1272 Why do you get this way every time I pick up the climate story book? Are you afraid I won’t like the ending? 1.2481 0.04051 133 102 29 2
1273 'Yes, but representation doesn't mean a) having a dragon in every story or b) that it has to be a good dragon.' 1.2481 0.04579 133 106 21 6
1274 You're going to love the natural History museum. 1.2481 0.04407 129 101 24 4
1275 I can't take you out for your walk till the neighbor kids are in bed. 1.2481 0.04407 129 101 24 4
1276 Sure you want to listen to the end of Jurassic Park? 1.2481 0.04542 129 102 22 5
1277 Can you believe the kennel told you I’d only be 35 pounds. 1.2481 0.04407 129 101 24 4
1278 Enid…I told you Geoffrey was going to outgrow his tank! 1.2480 0.04198 125 96 27 2
1279 It's "Leviathan." It's a metaphor-political philosophy. It's not always about you. 1.2480 0.04349 125 97 25 3
1280 Okay, I'll skip the part about kissing. Some day, you might not mind it so much. 1.2479 0.04991 117 94 17 6
1281 No, I don't think Ozempic is the answer. 1.2479 0.04991 117 94 17 6
1282 Yes, the new whitening toothpaste works! 1.2478 0.04792 113 89 20 4
1283 Taking me for a walk? 1.2477 0.05239 109 88 15 6
1284 How did you get out from under Timmy's bed? 1.2477 0.04544 109 84 23 2
1285 I said SIT! 1.2476 0.05024 105 83 18 4
1286 I was here first. Well, in a way, second. 1.2476 0.04645 105 81 22 2
1287 Nightmares aren't real, Billy...now go back to bed. 1.2476 0.05024 105 83 18 4
1288 OK, one more then lights out 1.2475 0.05152 101 80 17 4
1289 It’s called a ‘book,’ an old fashioned reading device that doesn’t require batteries, and many people think that it too is extinct.” 1.2475 0.06037 101 85 7 9
1290 I really hope this is my 3D TV. 1.2475 0.05341 101 81 15 5
1291 Let me guess. …you want me to read Jurassic Park again. 1.2475 0.05341 101 81 15 5
1292 I'm The Generational Trauma In the Room, the elephant retired. 1.2467 0.04431 150 121 21 8
1293 Honey, ah, what did you feed the Komodo Dragon? 1.2466 0.04513 146 118 20 8
1294 'Monster bestseller' is just an expression. 1.2466 0.04073 146 114 28 4
1295 Stop it! You have to wait until we finish the book to know who the murderer is. 1.2466 0.04299 146 116 24 6
1296 You're becoming more like your mother every day! 1.2465 0.04600 142 115 19 8
1297 It's okay, you'll be just fine. It was only thunder, not an asteroid. 1.2464 0.04692 138 112 18 8
1298 I already said no. Do you want me to get the meteor? 1.2464 0.04217 138 108 26 4
1299 I called for "Ruff", not "Puff"! 1.2463 0.04549 134 107 21 6
1300 I’m going to finish the book but I promise I won’t buy into the hurtful dragon stereotypes it espouses. 1.2463 0.04424 134 106 23 5
1301 You're extinct. Scram! 1.2462 0.04511 130 103 22 5
1302 I'm not saying it's over. I'm just saying I need some space. 1.2462 0.04095 130 100 28 2
1303 I guess an elephant in the room wasn’t enough for you, so they sent me 1.2462 0.04511 130 103 22 5
1304 Try not to sneeze this time, ok? 1.2460 0.04603 126 100 21 5
1305 Spoiler alert, he's dies at the end. 1.2460 0.04319 126 98 25 3
1306 I understand you're 'unlslayable', but you can't control what others write about you. 1.2460 0.04739 126 101 19 6
1307 You really should get that overbite looked at 1.2459 0.04555 122 96 22 4
1308 Don't give me those puppy-dog eyes. You've been gnawing the furniture again, haven't you? 1.2458 0.04652 118 93 21 4
1309 What in holy hell did you do with the elephant? 1.2458 0.04652 118 93 21 4
1310 You'll just have to hold it. I'm entitled to some "my time" too. 1.2458 0.05097 118 96 15 7
1311 No, you haven't come into the story yet. 1.2456 0.04915 114 91 18 5
1312 This is how you want to add spice to our marriage?” 1.2455 0.05354 110 90 13 7
1313 As soon as I finish this chapter we'll go for a walk. 1.2453 0.05159 106 85 16 5
1314 get back in the book 1.2453 0.04798 106 83 20 3
1315 I promise monster gets the girl in this one 1.2452 0.04128 155 123 26 6
1316 So, who’s a good boy?! 1.2451 0.05818 102 85 9 8
1317 Reading a paper book ? How prehistoric is that ! 1.2451 0.04712 102 79 21 2
1318 Divorce? Maybe you're right. 1.2449 0.04273 147 117 24 6
1319 Honey, is there something you want to tell me? 1.2449 0.04824 98 76 20 2
1320 Wow! Those AI graphics have really come a long way! 1.2449 0.05439 98 79 14 5
1321 It is a first edition, like you. 1.2448 0.04118 143 112 27 4
1322 Is there something in my teeth? 1.2448 0.04118 143 112 27 4
1323 Don't worry, you save the damsel in the end. 1.2446 0.03934 139 107 30 2
1324 Can’t you see I’m pretending to read? 1.2446 0.04064 139 108 28 3
1325 I read you a story. Now go to bed. 1.2446 0.04548 139 112 20 7
1326 Yes, it's confusing but let's try again. It was the best of times and the worst of times. It can be both. 1.2446 0.04313 139 110 24 5
1327 Sorry, the world is so crazy right now, there’s no time for personal demons. 1.2444 0.04872 135 111 15 9
1328 No. That hairstyle doesn't make you look fat. 1.2443 0.04210 131 102 26 3
1329 Sorry, buddy, this book is for homo sapiens. 1.2441 0.04571 127 101 21 5
1330 And that, Clifford, is how you got your name. 1.2441 0.04289 127 99 25 3
1331 You look different from your description in the book. 1.2439 0.04522 123 97 22 4
1332 Those supplements really work. 1.2439 0.04522 123 97 22 4
1333 Honey, I’ve already checked three times. There’s no child hiding under the bed! 1.2439 0.04944 123 100 16 7
1334 Goodnight, cow jumping over the moon." 1.2437 0.04916 119 96 17 6
1335 But I read you Maurice Sendak last night. 1.2437 0.04769 119 95 19 5
1336 Could I just finish this chapter? 1.2437 0.04460 119 93 23 3
1337 You're getting too big for a bedtime story. 1.2437 0.04769 119 95 19 5
1338 This is the chapter with the scary voices. 1.2436 0.03898 156 122 30 4
1339 You want to go out? 1.2436 0.04003 156 123 28 5
1340 Fluffy,back to your crate. 1.2435 0.05326 115 95 12 8
1341 Of Course, I would be happy to read to you 1.2434 0.03960 152 119 29 4
1342 Sorry to hear about your hoard, Harold. Next time, maybe don’t put it all in crypto. 1.2432 0.04826 111 88 19 4
1343 Are you a herbivore or carnivore? 1.2432 0.04992 111 89 17 5
1344 You sure you don't want to wait until the movie comes out? 1.2432 0.03666 148 113 34 1
1345 No, I will not look again, Timmy. There are no monsters under your bed! 1.2432 0.04992 111 89 17 5
1346 I just gave you a treat… besides, no new tenants til mañana 1.2432 0.04473 111 86 23 2
1347 Books are so last epoch 1.2432 0.04286 111 85 25 1
1348 The meteor missed Earth, there was no mass extinction, and the dinosaurs lived happily ever after. 1.2432 0.05154 111 90 15 6
1349 One last story, but there is no child under your bed." 1.2432 0.04653 111 87 21 3
1350 How can you be scared by this story?The dragon is your grandmother. 1.2432 0.04653 111 87 21 3
1351 Eating the dog does not mean you get his spot on the couch! 1.2431 0.04543 144 117 19 8
1352 It's too early to go trample though the park. 1.2430 0.05285 107 87 14 6
1353 Maurice sent you?? 1.2429 0.04286 140 111 24 5
1354 You really need to floss more Doris. 1.2429 0.04519 140 113 20 7
1355 Things don't end well for Smaug. 1.2429 0.04848 140 116 14 10
1356 Stephen King appears to have upped the ante in reader immersion. 1.2427 0.05426 103 84 13 6
1357 'Yes, you are big enough, but the elephant metaphor has been around longer.' 1.2427 0.04871 103 81 19 3
1358 Honey, are you sure this thing can’t smell fear? 1.2427 0.05248 103 83 15 5
1359 Yes, I wish he would finish the series too. We all want to know what happens to the dragons." 1.2426 0.04366 136 108 23 5
1360 Okay, okay...this is the last story before bed! 1.2426 0.03974 136 105 29 2
1361 James had to be careful about what he read. His active imagination often brought stories to life. 1.2426 0.04489 136 109 21 6
1362 Why don’t you just F**k off? 1.2426 0.04839 136 112 15 9
1363 I'm reading "what to expect when baby's teething" 1.2426 0.04489 136 109 21 6
1364 One more story, but then it is bedtime . 1.2424 0.05195 99 79 16 4
1365 But, Genie, I was asking only for a thesaurus, not a brontosaurus. 1.2424 0.05195 99 79 16 4
1366 I’m not calling you a liar, but who else has a tail big enough to destroy the Arch? 1.2424 0.05195 99 79 16 4
1367 Hey, any chance you've seen a massive pile of gold or a princess around here? 1.2422 0.04259 128 100 25 3
1368 You must be here for the play date. Let me get my monster. 1.2420 0.03876 157 123 30 4
1369 Elephants on vacation, am I doing this right? 1.2419 0.04490 124 98 22 4
1370 Easy Puff. It's just a story. 1.2419 0.04490 124 98 22 4
1371 Foodchain Anxiety… 1.2417 0.04427 120 94 23 3
1372 Jude, stop feeding our bearded dragon your weirdo collagen supplements." 1.2417 0.04879 120 97 17 6
1373 I know I hallucinate. I don't need you to remind me. 1.2417 0.05020 120 98 15 7
1374 Does the dog die? 1.2417 0.04879 120 97 17 6
1375 I preferred when there was an elephant in the room. 1.2416 0.04328 149 120 22 7
1376 We just went for a walk. 1.2416 0.04113 149 118 26 5
1377 OK, OK, not "slayed." 1.2414 0.04350 116 90 24 2
1378 No more PetCo delivery people, and that’s final. 1.2414 0.04992 116 94 16 6
1379 I would advise you start with The Republic. 1.2411 0.04602 141 115 18 8
1380 You don't actually have to be under the bed-it's figurative. 1.2411 0.03885 141 109 30 2
1381 Yes, it says you’re a herbivore. Why would I lie? 1.2411 0.04952 112 90 17 5
1382 I can’t sleep, there’s a child on top of my bed. 1.2411 0.05112 112 91 15 6
1383 How did you get past the alarm system? 1.2411 0.05112 112 91 15 6
1384 Go back to sleep. I assure you there is no meteor under your bed. 1.2409 0.04694 137 112 17 8
1385 OK, but we only have enough bags for a SHORT rampage. 1.2406 0.04420 133 106 22 5
1386 No, this is actually Bakersfield. 1.2406 0.04547 133 107 20 6
1387 Didn't know we could tippy toe, did ya. 1.2404 0.04830 104 82 19 3
1388 Voracious reader 1.2403 0.04640 129 104 19 6
1389 I've gotten used to the elephant in the room, but who are you? 1.2400 0.04458 125 99 22 4
1390 Sorry, you die in the first chapter. 1.2400 0.04311 125 98 24 3
1391 It's okay. This is only an old story about Scandinavians. They're peaceful now. 1.2400 0.04311 125 98 24 3
1392 For the last time No! I’m not your mother! Now go away! 1.2400 0.05148 100 80 16 4
1393 These new 4D books are amazing 1.2400 0.04600 125 100 20 5
1394 Spoiler alert. St George wins. 1.2397 0.03545 146 111 35 0
1395 I know it’s unfair that he only included your smaller cousins, but had you had the courage to go up to him, Darwin would have undoubtedly included you. And maybe adjust his thesis. 1.2397 0.04698 121 97 19 5
1396 No snacks, it is too close to dinner. 1.2396 0.05876 96 80 9 7
1397 Let me guess! You want ‘Puff, the Magic Dragon’ again! 1.2396 0.05287 96 77 15 4
1398 Help! There's a spider above my bed! 1.2396 0.05686 96 79 11 6
1399 Who are you and what have you done with Fido? 1.2396 0.05287 96 77 15 4
1400 And after squishing the wicked knight our hero, the dragon, ate up the delicious princess... 1.2396 0.04379 96 73 23 0
1401 Honestly, i just finished Kong’s screenplay and it’s better. 1.2394 0.04348 142 114 22 6
1402 How many times do I need to read the line from Little Red Riding Hood, "My, what big teeth you have!"? 1.2394 0.04348 142 114 22 6
1403 As I said, the dragon didn't eat them or burn anything, and everybody was happy. That's how it ends. No, you can't read for yourself. 1.2394 0.04462 142 115 20 7
1404 And then the brave knight slayed the evil dra……… 1.2394 0.04572 142 116 18 8
1405 I wish they could see the side of you that I see. 1.2393 0.04646 117 93 20 4
1406 Sorry to break the bad news-you’re extinct! 1.2393 0.04646 117 93 20 4
1407 WOW! This author really makes the page come alive! 1.2393 0.04646 117 93 20 4
1408 OK, I last story, but then you sleep for a thousand years. 1.2393 0.04646 117 93 20 4
1409 Says in here you're extinct. Sod off! 1.2391 0.04056 138 108 27 3
1410 Don't be scared Lenny, these are just fictional children 1.2391 0.04430 138 111 21 6
1411 I'm sorry, but you're just too big to fit on my lap anymore. 1.2391 0.04430 138 111 21 6
1412 Let me finish this page, please. 1.2391 0.04775 138 114 15 9
1413 Yes. I was petting another hallucination, but you'll always be my favorite. 1.2391 0.04309 138 110 23 5
1414 I can't wait until you're housebroken. 1.2389 0.05225 113 93 13 7
1415 At least I don'thave to worry about the elephant in the room 1.2389 0.04913 113 91 17 5
1416 The vet did mention dogs grow up fast but I swear he didn’t mention anything about breathing fire. 1.2389 0.04749 113 90 19 4
1417 Honey! You gave the lizard too much steroid. 1.2388 0.04639 134 109 18 7
1418 There are no monsters in your closet, that’s just a mirror. 1.2388 0.04517 134 108 20 6
1419 I owe it all to floss and whiteners. 1.2385 0.05031 109 88 16 5
1420 And the kids were...ON TOP OF THE BED! 1.2385 0.04608 130 105 19 6
1421 No, you can’t watch Jurassic Park again! 1.2385 0.04341 130 103 23 4
1422 It says here you’re a herbivore; is that not the case? 1.2384 0.04172 151 121 24 6
1423 I was thinking chinese. A large hot and sour soup? 1.2381 0.04133 147 117 25 5
1424 You staring like that isn't going to make me read any faster. 1.2381 0.04133 147 117 25 5
1425 Hang on, there’s a completely unexpected plot twist. The dragon eats St. George and lives happily ever after. Sleep tight! 1.2381 0.04245 147 118 23 6
1426 Now go brush your teeth 1.2381 0.04789 105 83 19 3
1427 I'll get the leash but you'll have to pick up after yourself. 1.2381 0.04704 126 102 18 6
1428 Not to worry! It’s just fiction. 1.2381 0.04280 126 99 24 3
1429 You can figure it out on your own; the plugger is beside the toilet 1.2381 0.04977 105 84 17 4
1430 I told you you weren't in the Bible" 1.2381 0.04789 105 83 19 3
1431 What time is dinner? 1.2381 0.04837 126 103 16 7
1432 It's only a fairy tale. Don't be scared. 1.2377 0.04664 122 98 19 5
1433 No! Bad! Bad dragon! No biscuit. 1.2377 0.04516 122 97 21 4
1434 I'm not going to read you Red Fish Blue Fish again. You drool all over the book 1.2377 0.04516 122 97 21 4
1435 Have you ever seen an asteroid? I haven't. Now, back to bed! 1.2377 0.04664 122 98 19 5
1436 No, you can’t have fresh meat for dinner ‘just this once.’ 1.2376 0.05655 101 84 10 7
1437 Hell no, I will not pull your finger!!! 1.2376 0.05477 101 83 12 6
1438 We'll go back to Honali when I grow up, awright? 1.2374 0.04744 139 115 15 9
1439 I thought the cat ate you two years ago. 1.2373 0.04611 118 94 20 4
1440 Sorry, it was rough week, you’ll have to have the wild rumpus without me. 1.2373 0.05202 118 98 12 8
1441 I have told you over and over, son, there were no orthodontists when you were young. 1.2368 0.04874 114 92 17 5
1442 Did you eat the elephant? 1.2366 0.04312 131 104 23 4
1443 Can I borrow your toothbrush? 1.2366 0.05383 93 75 14 4
1444 I told you, I won’t dog ear it 1.2366 0.05383 93 75 14 4
1445 Ten more pages and you can eat this one." 1.2365 0.04108 148 118 25 5
1446 C'mon! I alreaady fed you today. Go back to your box! 1.2364 0.04990 110 89 16 5
1447 I can't walk you now, I'm out of poop bags. 1.2362 0.04803 127 104 16 7
1448 I was just reading about you. You're extinct. 1.2362 0.04535 127 102 20 5
1449 I’m sorry. But it says here that you don’t exist anymore 1.2362 0.04535 127 102 20 5
1450 This is Proust: do you know what you're getting yourself into? 1.2362 0.04671 127 103 18 6
1451 Go away! I am expecting an elephant. 1.2362 0.04671 127 103 18 6
1452 How many times do I have to tell you? You are not a lap monster!! 1.2361 0.04062 144 114 26 4
1453 The evil knight thus vanquished, the princess married the dragon, and they lived happily ever after. 1.2358 0.05454 106 88 11 7
1454 You’re supposed to wait until I’m asleep! 1.2358 0.04909 123 101 15 7
1455 Get back in your book! 1.2358 0.04483 123 98 21 4
1456 Have you seen my wife? 1.2358 0.04630 123 99 19 5
1457 It’s called ‘The Hobbit’ and I don’t think you’d like it. 1.2358 0.04332 123 97 23 3
1458 Brutus, I told you the story you wanted to read was to scary. Now please go back to bed, and I'll be right in to rub your back and sing Soft Kitty. 1.2357 0.04254 140 112 23 5
1459 Am I in this one? 1.2357 0.04489 140 114 19 7
1460 What? I walked you during the Cretaceous. 1.2357 0.04132 140 111 25 4
1461 Ok! Ok! "... and the monster, his belly full of frightened children, lived happily ever after." 1.2353 0.05246 102 83 14 5
1462 For the last time, go talk to your mother! 1.2353 0.04205 136 108 24 4
1463 Puff, lay off the smokes. 1.2353 0.05058 102 82 16 4
1464 Hey, welcome, I’ve just been reading about your ancestors 1.2353 0.04418 119 94 22 3
1465 …and the kindly man and the giant lizard lived happily ever after. 1.2353 0.04333 136 109 22 5
1466 Wait a minute, what happened to the Elephant? 1.2353 0.04878 119 97 16 6
1467 That’s right, rodent control sent me, now please let me check behind the couch! 1.2353 0.05058 102 82 16 4
1468 Sorry, I got that wrong. "And then the monster lived happily ever after." 1.2353 0.04074 136 107 26 3
1469 It doesn't end well 1.2353 0.04730 119 96 18 5
1470 Get your leash while I finish this chapter. 1.2353 0.04577 119 95 20 4
1471 Grr, dinasorrr!” Is it funny? 1.2353 0.05058 102 82 16 4
1472 Oh I hung up the wolf suit years ago, but yes, it’s true, at one time your grandparents did crown me ‘king of the wild things’. 1.2353 0.05162 119 99 12 8
1473 I may have eaten the giant elephant in the room. 1.2353 0.04730 119 96 18 5
1474 I shouldn't have eaten all those shrooms 1.2348 0.04793 132 109 15 8
1475 OK, just one more story but then you have to become extinct. 1.2348 0.04510 115 91 21 3
1476 I suppose you're right, all these stories do center the perspectives of knights and damsels. 1.2348 0.04510 115 91 21 3
1477 You're not getting a second dessert. Go to bed. 1.2348 0.04836 115 93 17 5
1478 Sorry, this is historic not prehistoric. 1.2348 0.04676 115 92 19 4
1479 No, the dragon doesn't get the girl in the end. 1.2347 0.05190 98 79 15 4
1480 Spoiler alert, they all die in the end. 1.2347 0.04767 98 77 19 2
1481 Honey, I still think our vet got the breed of 'Lizzy' wrong. 1.2347 0.05190 98 79 15 4
1482 Oh, I'm sorry, were you sitting here? 1.2344 0.04365 128 102 22 4
1483 Tacos for dinner? 1.2340 0.05745 94 78 10 6
1484 Don't worry—I won't die for a very, very long time, and you don't even exist. 1.2339 0.04737 124 101 17 6
1485 Oh NOW you're in the mood. 1.2339 0.04873 124 102 15 7
1486 We just checked ten minutes ago - there aren't any meteor showers in your closet 1.2339 0.04451 124 99 21 4
1487 So you DO want to watch Top Chef? 1.2339 0.04451 124 99 21 4
1488 So the beautiful monster lived happily ever after the very moment he turned vegan. 1.2339 0.04451 124 99 21 4
1489 Please don’t scratch the carpet. 1.2339 0.04301 124 98 23 3
1490 where is this elephant? 1.2336 0.04893 107 86 17 4
1491 Need a tissue? 1.2336 0.04710 107 85 19 3
1492 It says here that you're extinct. 1.2336 0.05407 107 89 11 7
1493 No more bedtime stories tonight. 1.2336 0.04319 107 83 23 1
1494 So, you heard nothing when Dr. Steinmetz told you to respect my boundaries? 1.2336 0.03773 137 106 30 1
1495 Edith - I barely recognised you - have you done something with your hair? 1.2336 0.04428 137 111 20 6
1496 No, I’m not going to read the story about the scary boy on top of your bed again or you won’t be able to sleep. 1.2336 0.04428 137 111 20 6
1497 And then the little boy came out from under the bed and he was so delicious… 1.2336 0.04178 137 109 24 4
1498 It says here the Mesozoic. M-E-S-O-Z-O-I-C. 1.2333 0.04543 120 96 20 4
1499 No, I don't think Max will ever come back. 1.2333 0.04841 120 98 16 6
1500 But it's only one day overdue! 1.2333 0.04841 120 98 16 6
1501 You want another story before bedtime?" 1.2333 0.04694 120 97 18 5
1502 That's not quite what I meant by "the characters jump off the page." 1.2331 0.04118 133 105 25 3
1503 are you sure ? it's a little scary. 1.2331 0.04118 133 105 25 3
1504 These personal development books really get you face-to-face with your inner demons. 1.2330 0.04820 103 82 18 3
1505 The Library sent you to collect overdue charge? 1.2330 0.05014 103 83 16 4
1506 Any sign of the food delivery guy? 1.2330 0.05200 103 84 14 5
1507 I'm reading Where the Wild Things Are. Why do you ask? 1.2330 0.05200 103 84 14 5
1508 Don’t forget to text everyone back 1.2330 0.05014 103 83 16 4
1509 No, baby, you can't sit on daddy's lap 1.2328 0.05101 116 96 13 7
1510 I don't know when. I am not King Kong's keeper. 1.2328 0.04640 116 93 19 4
1511 No, you can't have a dog. 1.2328 0.04640 116 93 19 4
1512 I’m scared. There’s an asteroid out there. 1.2326 0.04861 129 107 14 8
1513 Have you considered dental insurance? 1.2326 0.04335 129 103 22 4
1514 I'm sorry you're feeling overwhelmed, why don't you take a nice walk and destroy the local village for a bit while I clean up the dinner dishes. 1.2326 0.04335 129 103 22 4
1515 OK, let me finish this chapter then we'll go walkies. 1.2324 0.04318 142 115 21 6
1516 I’m sorry, but you’ve just got to brush your teeth if you want to sit on my lap. 1.2323 0.04725 99 78 19 2
1517 Don't get comfy. You're only here till I tun the page. 1.2321 0.05071 112 92 14 6
1518 Well, aren't you a sight for 'saur eyes? 1.2321 0.05227 112 93 12 7
1519 I’m scared. Can you check under my bed for children? 1.2321 0.04570 112 89 20 3
1520 I can't speak to the experience of often being used as a metaphor in books, but I imagine it can be tiring. 1.2321 0.04743 112 90 18 4
1521 Wait! Can you see me? 1.2321 0.04909 112 91 16 5
1522 NO, the book club meeting is NEXT week! 1.2320 0.04702 125 102 17 6
1523 Your orthodontist appointment is tomorrow. 1.2320 0.04271 125 99 23 3
1524 ok sleepy-sleep 1.2320 0.04563 125 101 19 5
1525 Wow, this graphic novel really comes alive.” 1.2320 0.04419 125 100 21 4
1526 That’s some overbite you have there . Have you considered consulting an orthodontist? " 1.2320 0.04419 125 100 21 4
1527 You are a little big for bedtime stories, aren't you? 1.2320 0.04563 125 101 19 5
1528 I need space. 1.2320 0.04563 125 101 19 5
1529 And the little T-rex lived happily ever after." The end. 1.2320 0.04419 125 100 21 4
1530 Dont worry the dragon slayers in the story are just make believe 1.2320 0.04271 125 99 23 3
1531 You know I hate it when you sneak up on me like that! 1.2316 0.05065 95 76 16 3
1532 Gross! You have bits of my wife stuck in your teeth. 1.2315 0.05028 108 88 15 5
1533 Go back under the bed! 1.2314 0.04509 121 97 20 4
1534 Alright! I'll read one more story. But after that, you'll have to go back and hide under the bed. Ok? 1.2314 0.04509 121 97 20 4
1535 And my kids call me a dinosaur. 1.2314 0.04509 121 97 20 4
1536 It's a novel set in the Jurassic period, I think you know how it ends. 1.2314 0.04659 121 98 18 5
1537 Holy dragon’s breath Fido, the second gummy just kicked in. 1.2308 0.04404 143 117 19 7
1538 Pardon me, but you're not real. 1.2308 0.04441 117 93 21 3
1539 It's not a good bedtime story for you. You'll end up lying awake all night thinking that little children are hiding under the bed. 1.2308 0.04702 130 107 16 7
1540 Quit sniffing on me Gretchen. 1.2308 0.05431 91 74 13 4
1541 Time for bed. 1.2308 0.05431 91 74 13 4
1542 I hope you didn't use the downstairs bathroom. 1.2308 0.04604 117 94 19 4
1543 Ok Barney, I will read you Jurassic Park ! 1.2308 0.04970 104 84 16 4
1544 Relax, I'm a vegetarian. 1.2308 0.05431 91 74 13 4
1545 Sure, every time I sit down to read, you have to have a walk! 1.2308 0.04174 143 115 23 5
1546 And they lived happily ever after. The end. Now go to bed. 1.2308 0.05863 91 76 9 6
1547 It's too late for your dinner ! 1.2308 0.04441 117 93 21 3
1548 I never knew you could write. 1.2308 0.04604 117 94 19 4
1549 Mr. Bradbury, we have a little problem with the time machine ... 1.2308 0.04441 117 93 21 3
1550 Are you actually going to read this one or just add it to your horde? 1.2308 0.04164 130 103 24 3
1551 What do you want 1.2308 0.04761 117 95 17 5
1552 Gosh Ethel!When you said you changed at full moon, I thought werewolf! 1.2302 0.04249 139 112 22 5
1553 OK Rex, I know that "I'm going to eat you if you don't let me go out" look. 1.2302 0.04125 139 111 24 4
1554 Hi baby girl! You need to go pee pee? 1.2302 0.04249 139 112 22 5
1555 When I said dinner is not until 6, I meant it! 1.2302 0.04249 139 112 22 5
1556 Well, no more mushroom foraging for me, I guess. 1.2302 0.04370 139 113 20 6
1557 Staring contest… go! 1.2302 0.04668 126 103 17 6
1558 The elephant called in sick. 1.2302 0.04241 126 100 23 3
1559 I liked you better as a metaphor for man's inhumanity. 1.2302 0.04530 126 102 19 5
1560 You just went out 90 million years ago. 1.2302 0.04668 126 103 17 6
1561 This is my book. we'll read yours at bed time. 1.2302 0.04668 126 103 17 6
1562 If I take you out again, you REALLY have to tinkle this time. 1.2302 0.04933 126 105 13 8
1563 That seat's taken. 1.2301 0.04171 113 88 24 1
1564 This is not a late library book, for crying out loud. 1.2301 0.04705 113 91 18 4
1565 No. No walkies until I finish this chapter. 1.2301 0.04534 113 90 20 3
1566 Who farted? 1.2301 0.05335 113 95 10 8
1567 "I'm in your light??" 1.2301 0.04356 113 89 22 2
1568 No! It's not safe for you to be out at night. 1.2301 0.04705 113 91 18 4
1569 That’s right. The prince slayed the dragon to save the princess. 1.2301 0.04171 113 88 24 1
1570 Can we read where the wild things are again? 1.2300 0.04894 100 80 17 3
1571 I'd prefer to pay the overdue fine. 1.2300 0.05096 100 81 15 4
1572 Did Crichton mention my good qualities? 1.2300 0.04683 100 79 19 2
1573 Think you're smart? We didn't read books but we ruled the planet for 165 million years. 1.2300 0.05291 100 82 13 5
1574 It’s called Beauty and the bea-…. and the…uh.. other Beauty… 1.2300 0.05096 100 81 15 4
1575 I'll keep reading but you're not gonna like how this fairytale ends. 1.2296 0.04198 135 108 23 4
1576 I must warn you: you may not like the ending. 1.2296 0.04064 135 107 25 3
1577 Would you rather go to the park and play some speed chess instead of listening to your book? 1.2295 0.04625 122 99 18 5
1578 Inflation is a monster problem. 1.2295 0.04476 122 98 20 4
1579 Talk about the words on the page coming alive! 1.2295 0.04769 122 100 16 6
1580 I would read it out loud, but you do not have any ears. 1.2294 0.04813 109 88 17 4
1581 My literal interpretation of the Book of Genesis denies your existence. 1.2294 0.04633 109 87 19 3
1582 Do you want me to skip the asteroid? 1.2294 0.04633 109 87 19 3
1583 Does not having an e-reader make me a dinosaur? 1.2292 0.05231 96 78 14 4
1584 Life is sad, life is beautiful, that's all you need to know. 1.2292 0.04593 144 120 15 9
1585 Do you have to breathe like that? 1.2292 0.05017 96 77 16 3
1586 The first rule of Book Club is you do not eat substantially all of Book Club. 1.2290 0.04669 131 108 16 7
1587 You say you were send by the exterminator about the rat problem? 1.2290 0.04136 131 104 24 3
1588 No! No more Monster Energy drinks for you until you calm the heck down!! 1.2290 0.04542 131 107 18 6
1589 Wow, reading really does allow your imagination to transport you! 1.2290 0.04136 131 104 24 3
1590 I'm not taking you out for a walk again! 1.2290 0.04542 131 107 18 6
1591 My concerns proved genuine moving you to a bigger cage." 1.2288 0.04725 118 96 17 5
1592 No, yoiu move over! 1.2288 0.04876 118 97 15 6
1593 Really? You've never read "It"? 1.2288 0.04408 118 94 21 3
1594 No, you may not peak ahead to the ending! 1.2286 0.04334 105 82 22 1
1595 Is that the new Michael Crichton? 1.2286 0.04738 105 84 18 3
1596 Spoiler alert: you're extinct. 1.2286 0.03971 140 111 26 3
1597 Not now, dear. I've got a headache. 1.2284 0.04133 162 133 21 8
1598 No, this is not about your Mother! 1.2283 0.04357 127 102 21 4
1599 I am sorry. That was all the kibble we have right now. 1.2283 0.04357 127 102 21 4
1600 Is this story too scary? 1.2283 0.04498 127 103 19 5
1601 No, this book isn't about you either. 1.2283 0.04211 127 101 23 3
1602 I was expecting a big elephant. 1.2283 0.05377 92 75 13 4
1603 Chapter One: It was the beast of times, it was the......... 1.2283 0.05150 92 74 15 3
1604 Does everything with you have to be confrontational? 1.2283 0.05804 92 77 9 6
1605 I believe you have the wrong address, my monster is fundamentalism. 1.2283 0.05150 92 74 15 3
1606 Well, this is a surprising plot twist! 1.2281 0.04831 114 93 16 5
1607 I'll bring you a drink of water then that's it! Bedtime mister" 1.2281 0.04499 114 91 20 3
1608 What are you reading? 1.2281 0.04831 114 93 16 5
1609 Honey, have you been leaving food out? 1.2279 0.04299 136 110 21 5
1610 I just fed you twenty minutes ago! 1.2277 0.05050 101 82 15 4
1611 According to this, you might have a fantasy prone personality. 1.2276 0.04734 123 101 16 6
1612 I promise, there isn't a meteorite hiding in your closet. 1.2276 0.05007 123 103 12 8
1613 Time for rampagies already? 1.2276 0.04591 123 100 18 5
1614 I. told you to wait in the car. 1.2276 0.04734 123 101 16 6
1615 Well, it's usually the ELEPHANT in the room, but I think we can let it slide this time. 1.2276 0.04132 123 97 24 2
1616 I could just swipe left, and you’d be gone! 1.2273 0.04246 132 106 22 4
1617 Um, the book group actually meets on Zoom this week. 1.2273 0.04246 132 106 22 4
1618 Okay there’s nothing in the rules saying you can’t play basketball but I still don’t think it’s a good idea 1.2273 0.04217 110 86 23 1
1619 okay you were right, the book is better than the movie 1.2273 0.04773 110 89 17 4
1620 I told you that if you didn’t stop eating donuts you wouldn’t fit under the bed! 1.2269 0.04839 119 98 15 6
1621 That's all I'm reading to you tonight. It's past your bedtime. 1.2269 0.04839 119 98 15 6
1622 I know you're sorry, but sorry doesn't rebuild a city. So no dessert tonight, okay? 1.2269 0.04839 119 98 15 6
1623 It's a good read, but I can't get past the silly monster. 1.2269 0.04689 119 97 17 5
1624 Got any snacks in that thing? 1.2269 0.04535 119 96 19 4
1625 Okay, okay, I get it, the book was wrong. Dinosaurs aren't extinct! 1.2266 0.04182 128 102 23 3
1626 It's time to talk about what you did to the elephant that used to be in the room. 1.2266 0.04602 128 105 17 6
1627 If you’re looking for the Gorilla, he’s at 20 W 34th Street 1.2266 0.04466 128 104 19 5
1628 Again? I just took you for a walk. 1.2264 0.04503 106 84 20 2
1629 You think you’re scary, huh? Nothing compared to this non-fiction on the coming elections, democracy under attack, wars, genocide, autocracy, climate change… 1.2264 0.04886 106 86 16 4
1630 YOU ARE NO ELEPHANT!!! 1.2264 0.04886 106 86 16 4
1631 Is it time for your goodie? 1.2264 0.05066 106 87 14 5
1632 Enough. I need to hear a book about a dragon that is not slayed. 1.2263 0.04515 137 113 17 7
1633 It’s rude to stare. 1.2261 0.04793 115 94 16 5
1634 Now don't be such a baby. There are no children hiding under your bed. 1.2261 0.04631 115 93 18 4
1635 OK - just one more book and then it's bedtime 1.2261 0.04793 115 94 16 5
1636 This book really brings things to life. 1.2261 0.04289 115 91 22 2
1637 I have some cheese in the fridg. Would that suffice? 1.2261 0.04793 115 94 16 5
1638 You really need to do something about your halitosis. 1.2261 0.04631 115 93 18 4
1639 Leather-bound, eh? 1.2261 0.04631 115 93 18 4
1640 Just because you can see the bottom of your food bowl doesn't mean you are going to starve. 1.2260 0.04535 146 122 15 9
1641 What I'm hearing you say is . . . I didn't put the seat down? 1.2258 0.05325 93 76 13 4
1642 May I have a glass of water? 1.2258 0.05540 93 77 11 5
1643 You can have it when I am finished reading. 1.2258 0.04411 124 100 20 4
1644 I didn't expect this denouement. 1.2258 0.05100 93 75 15 3
1645 Don't spoil it for me. 1.2256 0.03939 133 105 26 2
1646 This book is scary. You're not. 1.2256 0.04351 133 108 20 5
1647 Time for walkies? 1.2256 0.04218 133 107 22 4
1648 You're early, you don't appear until Chapter 13. 1.2256 0.03939 133 105 26 2
1649 Someday Rob, you will notice what’s right in front of your eyes instead of reading your silly books, but by then, I’d have been long gone. 1.2256 0.04351 133 108 20 5
1650 Do you want to read it or eat it? 1.2255 0.04808 102 82 17 3
1651 Nope, it just ends there. Apparently you need HBO to hear the ending. 1.2255 0.05006 102 83 15 4
1652 Who are you calling cold-blooded? 1.2252 0.05069 111 92 13 6
1653 No, you cannot eat the pages. Now lie down and listen. 1.2252 0.04183 111 87 23 1
1654 You blinked. 1.2252 0.04904 111 91 15 5
1655 For once and for all: you are not a lap dino. 1.2252 0.04735 111 90 17 4
1656 Don’t eat me. I have a wife and kids. Eat them. 1.2252 0.04558 111 89 19 3
1657 Reversing climate change tomorrow begins with you getting some sleep tonight. 1.2250 0.04654 120 98 17 5
1658 Can you read me a book, there is a girl above my bed. 1.2250 0.04501 120 97 19 4
1659 That was the last time John pretended to throw the ball. 1.2250 0.04802 120 99 15 6
1660 …and lived in a land called Honah Lee… the end 1.2250 0.04501 120 97 19 4
1661 You can borrow it when I’m finished reading it. 1.2248 0.04005 129 102 25 2
1662 Whatcha reading? I'm a big fan of espionage. 1.2248 0.04296 129 104 21 4
1663 I should believe you just wanna "hang out" after you've eaten all my friends? 1.2248 0.04700 129 107 15 7
1664 Your mouthwash ain't making it. 1.2248 0.04153 129 103 23 3
1665 We discussed this. This is Me Time 1.2248 0.04296 129 104 21 4
1666 As I told you earlier, no snacks until I’m done with this chapter… 1.2248 0.04005 129 102 25 2
1667 Wow! I had Death of Democracy and Russian World Dominance, but Re-emergence of Man-Eating Dinos wasn't even on my 2024 bingo card. 1.2248 0.04700 129 107 15 7
1668 You really don't look like the elephant in this room. 1.2247 0.05240 89 72 14 3
1669 I might given you too much growth hormone. 1.2247 0.04990 89 71 16 2
1670 Please dad, not the story about the Chicxulub asteroid again. 1.2247 0.05240 89 72 14 3
1671 Don't give me that look! You're still too young to get a tattoo. 1.2246 0.04366 138 113 19 6
1672 Ok, two more pages and then it’s your bedtime. 1.2246 0.03986 138 110 25 3
1673 One chapter to go and I’ll take you for a walk 1.2245 0.04925 98 79 16 3
1674 No, you are still grounded. Go back to your den and think about it a little longer. 1.2243 0.05023 107 88 14 5
1675 You must be from the film version. 1.2243 0.05023 107 88 14 5
1676 Is it me? Am I the problem? 1.2243 0.05363 107 90 10 7
1677 Have you ever considered a breath freshener? 1.2243 0.05023 107 88 14 5
1678 Sorry to tell you, but according to Mary Shelley, the real monsters are man. 1.2243 0.04466 107 85 20 2
1679 He said I breathe fire? Like, what does that even mean?! 1.2243 0.04844 107 87 16 4
1680 Yes, when I tuck you in, I can check under your bed for scary little children. 1.2241 0.04429 116 93 20 3
1681 I've started getting large prints. 1.2241 0.04429 116 93 20 3
1682 Dinner's not until seven 1.2240 0.04230 125 100 22 3
1683 Our Book Club hated that. 1.2240 0.04379 125 101 20 4
1684 Again, I'm sorry. I told you that when I said I was dating a monster, I meant it only descriptively, not as judgment. 1.2240 0.04524 125 102 18 5
1685 Just remember I am more scared of you than you are of me. 1.2239 0.04449 134 110 18 6
1686 Sorry, but this is the largest print edition 1.2239 0.04322 134 109 20 5
1687 Isn't it you bedtime? 1.2233 0.04962 103 84 15 4
1688 Sorry buddy, but you're on timeout until you can stop lighting the neighborhood squirrels on fire. 1.2233 0.04562 103 82 19 2
1689 T’was brillig… 1.2233 0.04562 103 82 19 2
1690 Honey… I thought you said that was a micro-dose? 1.2233 0.04766 103 83 17 3
1691 Hey, I told you you could read it when I'm done! Be patient. 1.2232 0.04340 112 89 21 2
1692 Skipping to the ending will not make it any better. 1.2231 0.04125 130 104 23 3
1693 I've told you, there's no King Kongs under your bed. 1.2231 0.04793 130 109 13 8
1694 You had your treat ... you ate that door-to-door salesman remember? 1.2230 0.04048 148 120 23 5
1695 Well, if you don’t like how the dragon always dies at the end, write your own. 1.2230 0.04048 148 120 23 5
1696 I told your mom you were too big to be an iguana egg 1.2222 0.04396 117 94 20 3
1697 I'm still not sleepy. Read more daddy. 1.2222 0.05478 99 83 10 6
1698 Tonight's bedtime story is about how dinosaurs conquered the universe. 1.2222 0.04804 108 88 16 4
1699 Go get your leash. 1.2222 0.04620 108 87 18 3
1700 Okay, one more chapter, but then we gotta go to sleep, buddy. 1.2222 0.05087 99 81 14 4
1701 Yes, dear, the new hairstyle looks great. 1.2222 0.04162 135 109 22 4
1702 Please don't take this wrong but I see a booger in your left nostril... 1.2222 0.04804 108 88 16 4
1703 Sorry, no "Game of Thrones" until after dinner. 1.2222 0.04804 108 88 16 4
1704 In the great green room there was a telephone and a red balloon… 1.2222 0.04981 108 89 14 5
1705 Have you heard yet who is going to play me in the next Jurassic Park sequel?" 1.2222 0.04348 126 102 20 4
1706 I don't like anyone reading over my shoulder. 1.2222 0.04941 90 72 16 2
1707 You're not in this book. 1.2222 0.04396 117 94 20 3
1708 Considered flossing? 1.2222 0.04719 117 96 16 5
1709 Maurice Sendak would be so proud. 1.2222 0.04898 126 106 12 8
1710 It's cow leather. 1.2222 0.04200 126 101 22 3
1711 Okay, we can go for walkies but no fire breathing in the suburbs. 1.2222 0.05648 90 75 10 5
1712 ‘Not now - Daddy’s busy.’ 1.2222 0.04881 99 80 16 3
1713 Is the heat lamp broken again? 1.2222 0.04225 117 93 22 2
1714 Is that another book about me be extinct? 1.2222 0.04631 126 104 16 6
1715 Okay, a bedtime story it is. 1.2222 0.04429 108 86 20 2
1716 The descriptive passages really jump off the page! 1.2222 0.05286 99 82 12 5
1717 Well, I'm sorry that you feel mischaracterized in this story, but what can I do about it? 1.2222 0.04396 117 94 20 3
1718 You go up without me - I just want to finish this chapter. 1.2222 0.04396 117 94 20 3
1719 Seriously, now it’s potty time? 1.2222 0.04881 99 80 16 3
1720 I'm reading a book now. Please get back inside my VR headset. 1.2222 0.04429 108 86 20 2
1721 You got dragons in your book? 1.2222 0.04941 90 72 16 2
1722 Wow, this pop-up book is unbelievably realistic! 1.2222 0.03996 144 116 24 4
1723 I see we’re back to not social distancing our morning breath. 1.2222 0.04396 117 94 20 3
1724 I wonder what Freud has to say about this! 1.2222 0.04348 126 102 20 4
1725 Not "Where the Wild Things Are" again. 1.2215 0.03909 149 120 25 4
1726 I represent you Id. We need to talk. 1.2214 0.04238 131 106 21 4
1727 I'll save you the errata to chew on. 1.2214 0.04374 131 107 19 5
1728 No, I said this book is really starting to "drag on" 1.2214 0.04881 131 111 11 9
1729 I know that I skipped chapter 14 but the last time that I read it you had nightmares for a month. 1.2213 0.04434 122 99 19 4
1730 Our records show you haven't donated to Trump yet. 1.2213 0.04584 122 100 17 5
1731 But it says, right here, that you're extinct. 1.2213 0.04584 122 100 17 5
1732 I can see it; it’s nothing…a pimple. 1.2213 0.04434 122 99 19 4
1733 I threw up 1.2212 0.04659 113 92 17 4
1734 SIT!!! 1.2212 0.04825 113 93 15 5
1735 Just a metaphor, eh?" 1.2212 0.04306 113 90 21 2
1736 NO thanks, I already have life insurance. 1.2212 0.04486 113 91 19 3
1737 It says here herbivores had the right idea, apparently. 1.2212 0.04486 113 91 19 3
1738 Yes he was scrawny but your lunch was only an hour ago and I would like to finish reading my book. 1.2212 0.04659 113 92 17 4
1739 Married life with Daenerys 1.2212 0.04486 113 91 19 3
1740 Do the folks at the Smithonian know you're here? 1.2212 0.04725 104 84 17 3
1741 I told you it had a sad ending. 1.2212 0.04918 104 85 15 4
1742 Just because it's the year of the dragon doesn't mean you can come out from under the bed. 1.2212 0.04918 104 85 15 4
1743 How did you get in this time? 1.2212 0.04918 104 85 15 4
1744 and then WHAT happens?!" 1.2211 0.05433 95 79 11 5
1745 Watch out for the lamp. 1.2211 0.05004 95 77 15 3
1746 Please get me my slippers, and this time don’t eat them. 1.2211 0.05223 95 78 13 4
1747 No. I read superficially. You are not allowed to come alive in my imagination. 1.2206 0.04000 136 109 24 3
1748 The pet store swore you were an iguana, so just go back to your cage. 1.2206 0.04264 136 111 20 5
1749 This new 3-D television is really captivating! 1.2205 0.04732 127 106 14 7
1750 Good boy. With this global warming and all, I thought you might never return. 1.2203 0.04525 118 96 18 4
1751 Spoiler alert! 1.2203 0.04362 118 95 20 3
1752 Did you finally find out why we were extinct?? 1.2203 0.04193 118 94 22 2
1753 Uh, you want me to explain “carnivore” to you now 1.2202 0.04582 109 88 18 3
1754 What, we’re out of toothpaste again?! 1.2202 0.04764 109 89 16 4
1755 Not now! Get back under Junior’s bed. 1.2202 0.04764 109 89 16 4
1756 Yes, the book's about you and, of course, my childhood fears which seem to be reoccurring." 1.2202 0.04582 109 88 18 3
1757 It's hard to find a story in which the dragon does not get slain. Sorry. 1.2202 0.04764 109 89 16 4
1758 Linda, have you noticed anything off about fido lately? 1.2202 0.04764 109 89 16 4
1759 And thats where the wild things are. 1.2202 0.04393 109 87 20 2
1760 Gentle giant, my eye!" 1.2200 0.04623 100 80 18 2
1761 I promise, our next book won’t be so scary. 1.2200 0.05041 100 82 14 4
1762 Maybe cut back on Red Bull? 1.2200 0.05041 100 82 14 4
1763 Must you be so literal? 1.2198 0.04893 91 73 16 2
1764 Tell me more about the big red dog you call, 'Clifford.' 1.2198 0.05369 91 75 12 4
1765 Can't you get hold it a little bit longer? 1.2197 0.04602 132 110 15 7
1766 You really ought to see your dentist about your bad breath… 1.2195 0.04551 123 101 17 5
1767 Well, the thing is, we don't live happily ever after. 1.2195 0.04835 123 103 13 7
1768 So, this is how I die. 1.2195 0.04551 123 101 17 5
1769 But I just took you outside! 1.2193 0.04451 114 92 19 3
1770 I guess there really was something under the bed. 1.2193 0.04451 114 92 19 3
1771 Honey, I think Rex wants out. 1.2190 0.05410 105 89 9 7
1772 Don’t tell me how it ends. 1.2190 0.04684 105 85 17 3
1773 Yes, I know you have an overbite but I'm not taking you to a dentist! 1.2190 0.04684 105 85 17 3
1774 Do you really think that im going to let you lick my finger? 1.2190 0.04684 105 85 17 3
1775 Look deeply into my eyes and repeat: “I’m a herbivore, I’m a herbivore!” 1.2190 0.04107 137 111 22 4
1776 Do you want to go outside? 1.2188 0.04565 128 106 16 6
1777 No, you cannot sit on the couch. 1.2188 0.04730 96 77 17 2
1778 Not all bedtime stories are about dinosaurs. It's a cold, hard truth, but time to embrace it. 1.2188 0.04287 128 104 20 4
1779 John's literary tastes are prehistoric 1.2188 0.04428 128 105 18 5
1780 I hate it when we’re reading the same novel. 1.2185 0.04491 119 97 18 4
1781 Can I sleep with you tonight? 1.2185 0.04491 119 97 18 4
1782 And then, the brave little dragon ate the prince... and the princess... and burned down the castle... and most of the town... and a good number of it's citizens, and lived happily ever after. 1.2185 0.04329 119 96 20 3
1783 Now here comes the really scary part. Are you ready? 1.2185 0.04647 119 98 16 5
1784 I recognize that size is part of the issue but it’s still reading over my shoulder 1.2185 0.04329 119 96 20 3
1785 ... Aaaaaand then the dragon breathed fire on the knight and vanquished his evil assailant. The End. 1.2183 0.04254 142 117 19 6
1786 No, I’m too tired to be your wingman. 1.2182 0.04725 110 90 16 4
1787 Now brace yourself, Sweetie, here comes the scary part… 1.2182 0.04725 110 90 16 4
1788 You are up far too early. Go back under the bed! 1.2182 0.04725 110 90 16 4
1789 Does Godzilla proselytize? 1.2182 0.05065 110 92 12 6
1790 Is that my moisturizer? 1.2182 0.04898 110 91 14 5
1791 All right already, I will pay my bill before I leave the office. 1.2180 0.04694 133 112 13 8
1792 You'll bankrupt the tooth fairy. 1.2180 0.04042 133 107 23 3
1793 So, you want me to read you a story that’s long in the tooth? 1.2178 0.04996 101 83 14 4
1794 I'm sorry, Steven, but I still don't know where the wild things are. 1.2178 0.04794 101 82 16 3
1795 And my students think reading Shakespeare is scary! 1.2174 0.04416 115 93 19 3
1796 Okay Puff, one more story, then it's beddy-bye. 1.2174 0.05315 92 76 12 4
1797 I told you not to get emotionally involved with the story; your kind doesn't usually end well. 1.2174 0.04416 115 93 19 3
1798 Can't you see I'm reading? Go bother Tommy. He's asleep in his room. 1.2174 0.04907 115 96 13 6
1799 Are meteors real? 1.2174 0.04080 138 112 22 4
1800 Sorry, but if I read this to you, it would give you nightmares. 1.2174 0.05086 92 75 14 3
1801 And then the asteroid crashed into the sea... 1.2174 0.04208 138 113 20 5
1802 Isn’t this your lucky day! I happen to be an orthodontist. 1.2174 0.05315 92 76 12 4
1803 Staring contest!! 1.2174 0.04416 115 93 19 3
1804 She does not get eaten by the eels at this time. 1.2171 0.04112 129 104 22 3
1805 They never seem to get too big for story hour 1.2171 0.04257 129 105 20 4
1806 would you like to go walkies? 1.2170 0.04834 106 87 15 4
1807 See? Do you feel the difference flossing makes?" 1.2170 0.04645 106 86 17 3
1808 Just use the box like the cat does. 1.2170 0.04834 106 87 15 4
1809 Sorry, I'm only into non-fiction. 1.2170 0.04834 106 87 15 4
1810 Does it have a happy ending? You tell me. 1.2170 0.04645 106 86 17 3
1811 Thus is exactly what the doctors warned you about Carol. You have to taper off the medications gradually. 1.2170 0.04834 106 87 15 4
1812 I know, Gnorthgar the Vociferous, but I’ve told you, there’s NOBODY hiding up there. Now go back to under the bed. 1.2168 0.03987 143 116 23 4
1813 Don’t be scared—chivalry died off a long time ago 1.2168 0.04454 143 120 15 8
1814 How did your fight with Kong go? 1.2167 0.04297 120 97 20 3
1815 Don't tell me you ate my wife again!? 1.2167 0.05046 120 102 10 8
1816 Don't be afraid! It's just a scary story -- monsters aren't real. 1.2167 0.04611 120 99 16 5
1817 I promise it has a scary ending. 1.2167 0.04131 120 96 22 2
1818 There is no Max here. 1.2165 0.05124 97 80 13 4
1819 No, Calvin, the wolf doesn’t eat the pigs. Go back to bed. 1.2164 0.04015 134 108 23 3
1820 The hero saves the princess, but there was some collateral damage. 1.2164 0.04539 134 112 15 7
1821 Oh, hi dear. I, didnt hear you come in. 1.2164 0.04152 134 109 21 4
1822 I shouldn't have lied on my pet résumé 1.2162 0.04508 111 90 18 3
1823 Don't worry, I promise there's no kid over the bed. 1.2162 0.04686 111 91 16 4
1824 No, we're not binging Game of Thrones again 1.2162 0.04128 111 88 22 1
1825 It is a scary story but, no, you can’t sit in my lap. 1.2162 0.04686 111 91 16 4
1826 I don't take our age difference seriously, if you don't. 1.2162 0.04508 111 90 18 3
1827 I just walked you 20 minutes ago. Let me finish this chapter. 1.2162 0.04508 111 90 18 3
1828 No, you can’t get your phone back. 1.2162 0.04508 111 90 18 3
1829 Do you need something? 1.2160 0.04763 125 105 13 7
1830 I get it, you have an Oscar now. I’m very impressed. 1.2160 0.04187 125 101 21 3
1831 Oh my little poopy poo, we just were outside! 1.2158 0.04303 139 115 18 6
1832 I just took you for your walk. 1.2157 0.05144 102 85 12 5
1833 Do you really want to be exposed to OVID? 1.2157 0.04751 102 83 16 3
1834 Honey, do you see me as that beautiful bride you married 30 years ago 1.2157 0.04542 102 82 18 2
1835 Bedtime story 1.2157 0.04951 102 84 14 4
1836 No, you may not borrow the car. 1.2157 0.04751 102 83 16 3
1837 Quick! I haven't got much time. Is there a happy ending? 1.2157 0.04542 102 82 18 2
1838 You can't be hungry again!? I just fed you! 1.2155 0.04711 116 96 15 5
1839 Hi Carl, do you have the rent money? 1.2155 0.04711 116 96 15 5
1840 My bad, Adolf, I thought your name was Donald for some reason. 1.2155 0.04550 116 95 17 4
1841 They keep saying that staring at it in the face is the solution. 1.2155 0.04025 116 92 23 1
1842 Got anything to eat? 1.2155 0.04550 116 95 17 4
1843 Then the receivership sold off Smaug's assets to pay the judgments against him and peace returned to the land. 1.2155 0.04025 116 92 23 1
1844 Whatever you do, Susan, don't breathe out. 1.2155 0.04025 116 92 23 1
1845 Personally, I find fiction to be a waste of time. 1.2155 0.04382 116 94 19 3
1846 I'm hoping that you like to devour a good book as much as I do. 1.2154 0.03935 130 104 24 2
1847 I cannot believe that you are hungry again! If I knew that you were going to eat so much, I would have never bought that egg. 1.2154 0.04501 130 108 16 6
1848 It's good you've learned how to do puppy dog eyes, but you're still not allowed on couch. 1.2154 0.04084 130 105 22 3
1849 Please go to the dentist ! 1.2151 0.05263 93 77 12 4
1850 But I just read you a bedtime story. 1.2151 0.04548 93 74 18 1
1851 It's ok...this book argues the premise that St. George had a moral obligation to engage the dragon in an in-depth dialog about his own demons. 1.2150 0.04605 107 87 17 3
1852 You know that you are not allowed in this part of the house. 1.2150 0.04410 107 86 19 2
1853 Don't worry, he doesn't use your real name. 1.2150 0.04410 107 86 19 2
1854 Don't be frightened. It's just a story. 1.2150 0.04974 107 89 13 5
1855 My only hope is that you aren't sensing how terrified I am right now! 1.2149 0.04577 121 100 16 5
1856 and then I lived happily ever after. 1.2149 0.04725 121 101 14 6
1857 You're supposed to scare the bejesus out of the twins, not me! 1.2148 0.03988 135 109 23 3
1858 Stranger than fiction 1.2148 0.04103 149 123 20 6
1859 Whoa!! What happened to the elephant? 1.2143 0.04412 98 78 19 1
1860 OK, one more page and it’s time for bed. 1.2143 0.04648 112 92 16 4
1861 No joke, the bigger couch I ordered is coming from Baltimore. 1.2143 0.05077 98 81 13 4
1862 I'm sorry you can't sleep but you're the one who wanted a scary story! 1.2143 0.04644 98 79 17 2
1863 Yes. That is what it says…. I’ll read it again: “Goodnight stars / goodnight air / goodnight noises everywhere.” Now go to bed and I’ll come and tuck you in.” 1.2143 0.03898 140 113 24 3
1864 No cavities?! That’s terrific Teddy! 1.2143 0.04472 112 91 18 3
1865 Then horrible St. George beat a hasty retreat and the brave dragon lived happily ever after. 1.2143 0.05141 112 95 10 7
1866 Don't go telling me about Jackie Paper again. 1.2143 0.05375 84 69 12 3
1867 I'm scared, there's a monster under my bed. 1.2143 0.04648 112 92 16 4
1868 I will have a talk with the doorman about this. 1.2143 0.04288 112 90 20 2
1869 Not now, Bernard 1.2143 0.05077 98 81 13 4
1870 In this Trump Bible, it says you and Hillary Clinton run a pizza joint. 1.2143 0.05280 98 82 11 5
1871 You were not thinking about skipping any pages, were you? 1.2138 0.03814 145 117 25 3
1872 these crocodile tears aren’t fooling me 1.2137 0.03995 117 93 23 1
1873 Where the hell did you come from? 1.2137 0.04348 117 95 19 3
1874 You, again? What do you want this time? 1.2137 0.04830 117 98 13 6
1875 Honey, Where did you get those mushrooms that were in our dinner? 1.2137 0.04830 117 98 13 6
1876 No worries, Spike. Annihilation by asteroid happened 100 million years ago. So statistically it's only likely to happen again at anytime in the next 100 million years. 1.2137 0.04175 117 94 21 2
1877 Brush your teeth, get in bed, and we'll do the next chapter. 1.2137 0.04348 117 95 19 3
1878 Puff, Is that you? Yes, I am Jackie Paper! 1.2136 0.05281 103 87 10 6
1879 What did you do with the elephant in the room? 1.2136 0.04907 103 85 14 4
1880 Where’s my elephant? 1.2136 0.05098 103 86 12 5
1881 Can you smell my friend’s monster on me? 1.2136 0.04709 103 84 16 3
1882 Do you want out? 1.2136 0.04503 103 83 18 2
1883 In the great green room there was a telephone… 1.2136 0.04907 103 85 14 4
1884 News Flash! You’re extinct, 1.2136 0.04709 103 84 16 3
1885 Ah, Maurice said where you are. 1.2135 0.05643 89 75 9 5
1886 The reviewers were right. This is a monster bestseller. 1.2135 0.05412 89 74 11 4
1887 1,001 Jokes to Slay Your Dragon. 1.2135 0.05412 89 74 11 4
1888 I thought I told you to stay in the Jurassic. 1.2132 0.04355 136 113 17 6
1889 OK, this time, I sniff, YOU scratch! 1.2131 0.04542 122 101 16 5
1890 I see you’re reading Jurassic Park? 1.2131 0.04542 122 101 16 5
1891 Oh geez. Another presidential candidate I presume? 1.2131 0.04542 122 101 16 5
1892 I thought you said you didn’t want notes 1.2131 0.04234 122 99 20 3
1893 If you didn't want a scary story, you shouldn't have asked for a scary story. 1.2130 0.04373 108 87 19 2
1894 Pete's Dragon? Again?? 1.2130 0.04171 108 86 21 1
1895 Can you read me a bed time story? I think there are children under my bed… 1.2130 0.04171 108 86 21 1
1896 Calm down Steve, it's just the acid. 1.2130 0.04567 108 88 17 3
1897 I’m sorry I’ve read it through twice now, not one mention of you in the Quran 1.2130 0.04567 108 88 17 3
1898 I was hoping we’d watch the Odd Couple tonight. 1.2128 0.04002 141 115 22 4
1899 I know I need to work out!!! 1.2128 0.04987 94 77 14 3
1900 I‘m reading. We can cuddle later. 1.2128 0.04752 94 76 16 2
1901 Oh, so that's what happened to the elephant in the room 1.2128 0.04987 94 77 14 3
1902 Am I disturbing you? 1.2126 0.04127 127 103 21 3
1903 Yes, in this one the dragon slays the prince and wins the maiden. Now can I get back to my book? 1.2126 0.04276 127 104 19 4
1904 Didn't you used to be below the sink? 1.2126 0.04420 127 105 17 5
1905 Good vibes only. 1.2126 0.04420 127 105 17 5
1906 When did you get home? 1.2126 0.04420 127 105 17 5
1907 Yes, yes it is a thesaurus. Why do you ask? 1.2126 0.04276 127 104 19 4
1908 I hope this evening won't drag on for too long. 1.2126 0.04694 127 107 13 7
1909 For the last time, you are *not* a lap animal! 1.2124 0.04254 113 91 20 2
1910 Sorry. We're all out of treats. And I'm told I have no taste. 1.2124 0.04611 113 93 16 4
1911 Hey! I'm trying to read here! 1.2124 0.04779 113 94 14 5
1912 "I told you brushing with the push broom would help!" 1.2124 0.04064 113 90 22 1
1913 "Well, I can't believe my eyes either." 1.2124 0.04611 113 93 16 4
1914 When do we get to the part where I eat you 1.2124 0.04436 113 92 18 3
1915 You think THIS is scary! 1.2124 0.04436 113 92 18 3
1916 Have you got any floss? I feel like I’ve got a toe stuck in my molar. 1.2124 0.04611 113 93 16 4
1917 Mom! Where you been? 1.2121 0.05231 99 83 11 5
1918 I hope I can imagine this ending well. 1.2121 0.04602 99 80 17 2
1919 I will take you for a walk when I finish this chapter about dinosaurs. 1.2121 0.04028 132 107 22 3
1920 Trigger warning: The next part involves extinction. 1.2121 0.05231 99 83 11 5
1921 No, you can't sit on my lap. 1.2121 0.04821 99 81 15 3
1922 Why is my bowl empty? 1.2121 0.04821 99 81 15 3
1923 That's the end of tonight's chapter; you'll have to come back tomorrow to hear the rest. 1.2121 0.04028 132 107 22 3
1924 He did what to the other dragon? 1.2121 0.05030 99 82 13 4
1925 Here it is… Extinct: adjective having no living members; no longer in existence. That’s 24 points including the double word tile. 1.2119 0.04941 118 100 11 7
1926 We’re going to have to stop reading this kind of bedtime story if you keep getting scared. How many times do I have to tell you: there’s no such thing as monsters! 1.2119 0.04638 118 98 15 5
1927 What did you do with the elephant? 1.2119 0.04941 118 100 11 7
1928 You thirsty? 1.2119 0.04792 118 99 13 6
1929 Even monsters need a little therapy sometimes 1.2119 0.04480 118 97 17 4
1930 And I thought I was the only dinosaur living here. 1.2119 0.04638 118 98 15 5
1931 Oh yeah, I love these joint rental AirBnbs too… 1.2118 0.04762 85 68 16 1
1932 Wow! This story is so real! 1.2115 0.04464 104 84 18 2
1933 I know you were just trying to warn Tokyo about global warming, but next time send a letter. 1.2115 0.05053 104 87 12 5
1934 Yes, you can still be president someday Puff, even if you've breathed fire on a coworker. Just appeal the ruling in your trial until after election day, then once you become president, just pardon yourself. 1.2115 0.04864 104 86 14 4
1935 Joey wet the bed again. 1.2115 0.04864 104 86 14 4
1936 Excuse me, Sir, but there’s something wrong with your eye. 1.2115 0.04464 104 84 18 2
1937 Ok, let me finish this chapter, then I'll do the dishes. 1.2115 0.04668 104 85 16 3
1938 Will you be voting for Donald Trump? 1.2115 0.04464 104 84 18 2
1939 Don’t worry, she lives! 1.2114 0.04041 123 99 22 2
1940 Oh, I didn’t see you there. 1.2111 0.05357 90 75 11 4
1941 You will not replace me 1.2111 0.05357 90 75 11 4
1942 Okay, one more story and then you have to go. 1.2110 0.04337 109 88 19 2
1943 It’s not the size, it’s the smell 1.2110 0.04529 109 89 17 3
1944 So I was reading my book, minding my own business, when all of a sudden… 1.2110 0.04529 109 89 17 3
1945 Hey! Quit being a C**tasaurus! 1.2110 0.04713 109 90 15 4
1946 Oh my god, Zilla! Mind your own business! 1.2110 0.05061 109 92 11 6
1947 Another walk? Only if you promise not to eat the neighbor’s other cat! 1.2109 0.04246 128 105 19 4
1948 And then Barney said, “I’ve had enough!” And he ate everyone and everything in sight. Is that better? 1.2109 0.04233 147 123 17 7
1949 You character comes across better on the page. 1.2105 0.05161 95 79 12 4
1950 Down, Rex. Down, boy! 1.2105 0.04408 133 111 16 6
1951 Could you walk a little softer? The baby is asleep. 1.2105 0.04708 95 77 16 2
1952 You have to brush before I read you a bedtime story. 1.2105 0.04221 114 92 20 2
1953 We won’t talk about you either. 1.2105 0.04221 114 92 20 2
1954 Mother was right about you. 1.2105 0.04940 95 78 14 3
1955 Don't be a reader eater. 1.2105 0.05161 95 79 12 4
1956 I'm reading about how to conquer my fears. Go away. 1.2105 0.04401 114 93 18 3
1957 Don’t beg, Ty. You’ll get your sheep at 5:30. 1.2105 0.04708 95 77 16 2
1958 Can we just skip to the part where you turn into my mother and I wake up? 1.2105 0.04401 114 93 18 3
1959 Now Junior you are sure you do not have a cold? Your mom is still in the burn unit from last time you sneezed. 1.2105 0.04401 114 93 18 3
1960 Aren't you supposed to be an elephant? 1.2105 0.04401 114 93 18 3
1961 Seeing is believing! So much for imaginary friends! 1.2105 0.04901 114 96 12 6
1962 Do you have to stare? You act as if you’ve never seen people before. 1.2105 0.04574 114 94 16 4
1963 I know you are hungry but what do hallucinations eat anyway. 1.2101 0.04043 138 113 21 4
1964 I agree. But we can't sue the Brothers Grimm. 1.2101 0.04112 119 96 21 2
1965 So you’re the plot twist? 1.2101 0.04282 119 97 19 3
1966 I said, 'Meatier!' 1.2101 0.04112 119 96 21 2
1967 No, I'm sorry, there aren't any monsters in this one either. 1.2101 0.04445 119 98 17 4
1968 Come cuddle and i'll read you a story. 1.2101 0.04282 119 97 19 3
1969 So you're the new Elephant in the room! 1.2100 0.04777 100 82 15 3
1970 Stop bugging me! You know we can't go for a walk until it's dark outside. 1.2100 0.04560 100 81 17 2
1971 This is by Maurice Leblanc. The kid reading Maurice Sendak lives next door. 1.2100 0.04560 100 81 17 2
1972 Moby Dino is not a thing. 1.2100 0.04777 100 82 15 3
1973 We’ve had this discussion before about invading each others personal space. And your breath stinks. 1.2100 0.04777 100 82 15 3
1974 OK, one more page, but then it's bedtime. 1.2100 0.04560 100 81 17 2
1975 Kong’s coming over to help with your sore tooth. Tie a string to it, and I’ll get a banana. 1.2098 0.03951 143 117 22 4
1976 I’m just as surprised as you are. You know those capsules that your daughter put into the glass of water? I was the green one. 1.2097 0.04172 124 101 20 3
1977 I don’t know how it ends, either. 1.2095 0.04628 105 86 16 3
1978 When the edibles kick in. 1.2095 0.04822 105 87 14 4
1979 I was expecting an elephant. 1.2093 0.05261 86 71 12 3
1980 We'll go walkies as soon as I finish this chapter 1.2091 0.04492 110 90 17 3
1981 It says here that you had five toes. 1.2091 0.04849 110 92 13 5
1982 May I get you a mint? 1.2091 0.04104 110 88 21 1
1983 You're looking sharp ! 1.2091 0.04104 110 88 21 1
1984 Bob let his imagination get the better of himself. 1.2091 0.04674 110 91 15 4
1985 It says here you only eat vegetables. 1.2091 0.04674 110 91 15 4
1986 Then the wise, old brontosaur said, 'Worry not about the asteroid strike, for though we may all perish today, in a mere 66 million years we shall be reborn in a test tube.' 1.2091 0.04674 110 91 15 4
1987 I'm not letting you out again, you've burned enough knights today. 1.2090 0.04113 134 110 20 4
1988 No, Balerion is a fictional dragon. He won't be hiding under your bed. 1.2088 0.05303 91 76 11 4
1989 Wow...a Trump lookalike. 1.2088 0.05529 91 77 9 5
1990 Have you heard the one about a dragon with a severe over bite? 1.2088 0.05068 91 75 13 3
1991 It's okay, Buddy ... remember ... Dune is not a real place. 1.2088 0.04821 91 74 15 2
1992 ‘Does this outfit make me look fat dear? Be honest.’ 1.2088 0.05303 91 76 11 4
1993 I told you! I will make your dinner when I finish this chapter! 1.2087 0.04366 115 94 18 3
1994 I'm a vegan 1.2087 0.04537 115 95 16 4
1995 You're beautiful when you smile. 1.2087 0.04188 115 93 20 2
1996 I told you. The dental floss is in the bathroom cabinet 1.2087 0.04703 115 96 14 5
1997 Rex, We'll go out any play fetch after I finish this chapter. Now run along and play with the sewer gators!. 1.2087 0.04537 115 95 16 4
1998 I know it offends you but in this one the knight wins again. 1.2087 0.04001 115 92 22 1
1999 One more chapter, then it's bedtime. 1.2087 0.04537 115 95 16 4
2000 So how long have you been coming to this Doctor?" 1.2083 0.04250 120 98 19 3
2001 Call me, Elon. 1.2083 0.05112 96 80 12 4
2002 My, what big teeth you have! 1.2083 0.04082 120 97 21 2
2003 Would you like some help with dinner, honey? 1.2083 0.04568 120 100 15 5
2004 And you thought the ice age was bad! Global warming is going to wipe us all out 1.2083 0.04568 120 100 15 5
2005 I'm sorry you're having nightmares, but you asked me to read you the meteor story. Now, go back to bed. 1.2080 0.04443 125 104 16 5
2006 The elephant is sick so they sent me. 1.2080 0.04295 125 103 18 4
2007 Look, you already went out at three thirty. 1.2080 0.04586 125 105 14 6
2008 It's about life post-climate crisis. 1.2079 0.04939 101 84 13 4
2009 I identify as a lapdog… 1.2079 0.04734 101 83 15 3
2010 Yes, yes. I promise to read the dragon's version next. 1.2079 0.04734 101 83 15 3
2011 'Settle down now. It's a reading from the Gospel According to Donald. 1.2079 0.05324 101 86 9 6
2012 Again? You just went out. I told you not to eat all those pigeons. 1.2079 0.04734 101 83 15 3
2013 I told you it was a choose your own adventure book. 1.2079 0.04939 101 84 13 4
2014 “Michael Crichton? Big fan.” 1.2077 0.04186 130 107 19 4
2015 Look, when I said, "I can be a real monster sometimes, " I meant it metaphorically and literally 1.2077 0.04186 130 107 19 4
2016 Still less invasive than a Labrador. 1.2077 0.04327 130 108 17 5
2017 I told you I would take you for a walk after I finish this chapter. 1.2075 0.04388 106 86 18 2
2018 You can read it when I'm finished. 1.2075 0.04589 106 87 16 3
2019 Again. 1.2075 0.04965 106 89 12 5
2020 Yes, yes, I know it's dinner time. 1.2075 0.04388 106 86 18 2
2021 I've read your scary story for the night, now go to sleep! 1.2075 0.04179 106 85 20 1
2022 I don't care how cute you look, you're still cold-blooded. 1.2075 0.04780 106 88 14 4
2023 I'm still looking, but so far The Origin Of Species By Natural Selection does not include you. 1.2072 0.04267 111 90 19 2
2024 You can't tell a book by its odor. 1.2072 0.04071 111 89 21 1
2025 ...and then St. George took out his sword and... well... the dragon ate the fuck out of him and then the villagers were even more scared of the dragon and gave him all his favorite food every day. The end. Come on, champ; it's nighty-night time. 1.2072 0.04635 111 92 15 4
2026 Don't be sad. In this version he's sent off to live on a beautiful island, with all of his friends." 1.2072 0.04455 111 91 17 3
2027 You didn't floss. 1.2072 0.04267 111 90 19 2
2028 Is this your first reptile exam? 1.2072 0.04976 111 94 11 6
2029 No, you can’t curl up on the sofa, Tiddles. 1.2069 0.05206 87 72 12 3
2030 I don’t taste like chicken. 1.2069 0.04942 87 71 14 2
2031 Mrs. Wilson called: she wants to thank you for eating her husband, and hopes you won't have any heartburn. Go to bed ! 1.2069 0.04155 116 94 20 2
2032 Goodnight moon, goodnight spoon 1.2069 0.04502 116 96 16 4
2033 Alexa stop! I asked for Roget's Thesaurus. 1.2069 0.05696 87 74 8 5
2034 Okay, I'll skip the part where the knight shows up. Now calm down! It's just a story! 1.2069 0.04665 116 97 14 5
2035 I still prefer the written word over the reality of your presence, Horace! 1.2069 0.04665 116 97 14 5
2036 ...and then the the king slayed the dragon and saved the kingdom, the maid married the prince, and they all had a feast of dragon meat. THE END. Now time for bed big guy. Pleasant dreams. 1.2066 0.04218 121 99 19 3
2037 What's in that catnip? 1.2066 0.04052 121 98 21 2
2038 According to this, it was an asteroid. 1.2065 0.05017 92 76 13 3
2039 Well at least we know what happened to the elephant and the 800-lb gorilla. 1.2065 0.04773 92 75 15 2
2040 Honey did you invite another monster over again 1.2065 0.05017 92 76 13 3
2041 Who's a good Austroposeidon magnificus? You! Yes, you're a good Austroposeidon magnificus! 1.2065 0.04773 92 75 15 2
2042 Can we go for a walk? Can we go for a walk? Can we go for a walk? 1.2065 0.04773 92 75 15 2
2043 You’re not Clifford. 1.2065 0.05250 92 77 11 4
2044 Ag no. They still think yer a 'oax. But fer gawd sakes, from now on, stay out the 'otel swim pool an keep to the loch 1.2063 0.04552 126 106 14 6
2045 Yes, I know it's your memoir and, yes, I know you're struggling with what kind of monster you are 1.2063 0.03955 126 102 22 2
2046 And the big scary meteor descended toward the earth". "Oh, don't fret, it's just a story" 1.2063 0.03955 126 102 22 2
2047 Let me finish this chapter and then you can eat the neighbors. 1.2063 0.04410 126 105 16 5
2048 I’m sorry. You’ll just have to wait until I finish the chapter. 1.2063 0.04112 126 103 20 3
2049 You’ve had the book for 26 million years. It’s my turn. 1.2062 0.04620 97 79 16 2
2050 But I gave you a whole can for breakfast. 1.2062 0.04620 97 79 16 2
2051 I had my worst nightmare pictured differently. 1.2062 0.04847 97 80 14 3
2052 I just have one more chapter...OK? 1.2062 0.05271 97 82 10 5
2053 Oh, my god! You were serious! 1.2062 0.04847 97 80 14 3
2054 Unfortunately, you're not the weirdest fella to come up to me since I started reading Infinite Jest. 1.2062 0.04381 97 78 18 1
2055 It says it right here. 'Her·biv·ore. Noun. An animal that feeds on plants.' Now go lie down. 1.2062 0.04847 97 80 14 3
2056 No, honey, don't be silly--I could never ignore you! 1.2062 0.04381 97 78 18 1
2057 I’m covering for the elephant this week. 1.2062 0.05064 97 81 12 4
2058 The growl needs work. 1.2062 0.04620 97 79 16 2
2059 Must you tell me the ending of every novel I read just as I get close to the end? 1.2061 0.04157 131 108 19 4
2060 The writing’s vivid, but I’d appreciate it if you’d just stay in the damn book. 1.2059 0.04692 102 84 15 3
2061 I've asked you before, please use the back door. 1.2059 0.04258 102 82 19 1
2062 Is that you dear? 1.2059 0.04258 102 82 19 1
2063 Every time I read to you about the dragon dying a noble death, you cry yourself to sleep. 1.2059 0.04480 102 83 17 2
2064 You can eat some of that poetry over there. 1.2059 0.04692 102 84 15 3
2065 Wait until you are older. 1.2059 0.04692 102 84 15 3
2066 Enough of the theatrics, Marge. Either let him swallow or find your way out. 1.2059 0.05276 102 87 9 6
2067 It’s not a fellow dinosaur—it’s actually a book of synonyms. 1.2056 0.04922 107 90 12 5
2068 Who let you in ? 1.2056 0.04550 107 88 16 3
2069 Come read to me... 1.2056 0.04550 107 88 16 3
2070 …and they lived happily ever after. 1.2056 0.04739 107 89 14 4
2071 It’s only Where The Wild Things Are, I’ve read it to you before, it’s not scary 1.2056 0.04550 107 88 16 3
2072 Honey, when did we get a dog? 1.2054 0.04597 112 93 15 4
2073 I’m housebroken 1.2054 0.04233 112 91 19 2
2074 Have a Snickers 1.2054 0.04935 112 95 11 6
2075 Does it have dragons in it? 1.2054 0.04597 112 93 15 4
2076 Of course I would be honest with you.. your breath is fine 1.2054 0.04597 112 93 15 4
2077 How about this? I’ll tell Billy that monsters ARE real, if you promise not to eat me right now. And then we can go from there. Deal? 1.2054 0.04039 112 90 21 1
2078 So how should I gender identify you? 1.2054 0.04039 112 90 21 1
2079 The kids say we’re dinosaurs for not using the tablet. 1.2054 0.05095 112 96 9 7
2080 I think I’m starting to understand why you love this, ‘Clifford’ dog so much… 1.2054 0.04769 112 94 13 5
2081 This is the list of words we are no longer allowed to say. 1.2054 0.04597 112 93 15 4
2082 Could you hold on a second. I've only got a page left in this chapter. 1.2051 0.04298 117 96 18 3
2083 Sorry, you need to wait your turn on Libby just like everyone else. 1.2051 0.03941 117 94 22 1
2084 Cigarette break? 1.2051 0.04467 117 97 16 4
2085 I'm reading now - I''ll take you out for a walk later 1.2051 0.04124 117 95 20 2
2086 But, I’m trying to ignore the campaign until at least November. 1.2051 0.04467 117 97 16 4
2087 Oh, fuck! 1.2049 0.04499 122 102 15 5
2088 Maybe intermittent fasting is not good for you. 1.2049 0.04187 122 100 19 3
2089 I must admit, Smaug, I am beginning to question my decision to take LSD and reread The Hobbit. I am particularly concerned about how you are going to take the ending. 1.2049 0.04790 122 104 11 7
2090 It is not my imagination. There is definitely someone on top of my bed. 1.2049 0.04346 122 101 17 4
2091 Don't worry, Honey, the kids call me a dinosaur sometimes too. 1.2047 0.04233 127 105 18 4
2092 The movie didn’t do it justice.” 1.2045 0.04891 88 72 14 2
2093 I think this thing between us is getting too big. 1.2045 0.05399 88 74 10 4
2094 Don’t give me those eyes, Rex… I know mom fed you a goat at five o’clock. 1.2045 0.04267 132 110 17 5
2095 I am the monster at the end of the book!!! 1.2043 0.04968 93 77 13 3
2096 Be patient, and we’ll find out who killed Mothra. 1.2043 0.04473 93 75 17 1
2097 Mmmm Used to be an elephant in the room 1.2043 0.04968 93 77 13 3
2098 No, Mushu, you cannot curl up on my lap anymore! I should have known better than to buy a lizard from Chernobyl!" 1.2041 0.04577 98 80 16 2
2099 No, Grendel isn't going to eat Beowulf "this time." 1.2041 0.04577 98 80 16 2
2100 Where'd that elephant go? 1.2041 0.05419 98 84 8 6
2101 May I help you? 1.2041 0.04577 98 80 16 2
2102 Need a Snickers, Chelsea? 1.2041 0.05222 98 83 10 5
2103 Honey, I think Rex knows we had brontosaurus for lunch. 1.2041 0.04342 98 79 18 1
2104 Just let me finish this chapter and then we can go out and rampage. 1.2039 0.04650 103 85 15 3
2105 FINE, we’ll read it your way. ‘Clifford was a big GREEN iguana…’ 1.2039 0.03989 103 82 21 0
2106 Honey, look who stopped in. 1.2039 0.04650 103 85 15 3
2107 Since you’re already in the kitchen, could you make me a sandwich? 1.2039 0.05228 103 88 9 6
2108 And then what happened after the asteroid hit? 1.2039 0.04650 103 85 15 3
2109 I smell ass 1.2039 0.04650 103 85 15 3
2110 Maybe we should stop reading for tonight. I don’t want you having nightmares. 1.2039 0.04221 103 83 19 1
2111 Can I just finish this last page before you eat me 1.2037 0.04110 108 87 20 1
2112 The last time we saw Bob. 1.2037 0.04315 108 88 18 2
2113 His demons followed him… 1.2037 0.04511 108 89 16 3
2114 Go back to sleep. There's no kid hiding under your bed! 1.2037 0.04699 108 90 14 4
2115 Yes, yes, it is always the monster you know. 1.2037 0.04699 108 90 14 4
2116 Your spot? Well, did you call it before getting up to eat the neighbors? 1.2035 0.04199 113 92 19 2
2117 Whoa Boy! Wadcha do with my elephant? 1.2035 0.04007 113 91 21 1
2118 I don’t know where your Easter basket is. 1.2035 0.04560 113 94 15 4
2119 He doesn't get to eat the princess in this one either. 1.2035 0.04560 113 94 15 4
2120 Dad I’m scared… I think there’s a human under my bed 1.2035 0.04730 113 95 13 5
2121 I’m almost at the end. 1.2034 0.04265 118 97 18 3
2122 I draw the line at picking your nose. 1.2034 0.04092 118 96 20 2
2123 Great teeth! Who's your dentist? 1.2034 0.04748 118 100 12 6
2124 I know you enjoy our story hour, but could you give me a bit more space? 1.2034 0.04092 118 96 20 2
2125 Off the couch. Yes, that’s a good boy. 1.2034 0.03721 118 94 24 0
2126 He said extract, not extinct. 1.2034 0.04432 118 98 16 4
2127 May I finish this chapter first 1.2033 0.04465 123 103 15 5
2128 That cavity is bad. Yeah, I'll swap appointments. 1.2033 0.04313 123 102 17 4
2129 Don't worry, it's just an astronomy book. It can't hurt you. 1.2033 0.04465 123 103 15 5
2130 The plot thickens! Margaret just asked God if he's there. 1.2033 0.04465 123 103 15 5
2131 I left out the dishes? You ate my brother! 1.2031 0.04347 128 107 16 5
2132 So that was the Trump Bible. Now I'll read you the Constitution... 1.2031 0.04203 128 106 18 4
2133 Nobody puts Daddy in the corner. 1.2031 0.03899 128 104 22 2
2134 I just don't find fiction to be as compelling as nonfiction. 1.2031 0.04203 128 106 18 4
2135 Did you eat the elephant in the room? 1.2030 0.04237 133 111 17 5
2136 You want me to read ANOTHER story?! 1.2024 0.05297 84 70 11 3
2137 I was just thinking about a little midnight snack, too. 1.2024 0.05297 84 70 11 3
2138 Mother told me that I married a monster. 1.2024 0.05019 84 69 13 2
2139 I’d take you to the Park but Chris Pratt ruined it. 1.2024 0.05019 84 69 13 2
2140 We can't afford it. Dinosaur braces cost a fortune. 1.2024 0.05019 84 69 13 2
2141 No ball till you bring my slippers. 1.2022 0.04282 89 71 18 0
2142 Calm down; I'll take you outside in a few minutes. 1.2022 0.04570 89 72 16 1
2143 What part of "Stay outside!" don't you understand? 1.2022 0.05099 89 74 12 3
2144 So?? What do you think?? 1.2022 0.05099 89 74 12 3
2145 No worries, I just need a xtra large toothpaste and toothbrush! 1.2021 0.04682 94 77 15 2
2146 Impossible! I never leave the gate open! 1.2021 0.04682 94 77 15 2
2147 And, you have to have her home by mid-night, or else! 1.2021 0.05365 94 80 9 5
2148 Alright, one more chapter and then bedtime.” 1.2021 0.05147 94 79 11 4
2149 Are you sure you want me to read you from this book on mass extinction events? 1.2020 0.04758 99 82 14 3
2150 Even you have a kindle?? OK, I officially feel old." 1.2020 0.04969 99 83 12 4
2151 I’m the last one. If you eat me, Book Club is over. Do you understand what that means? 1.2020 0.04969 99 83 12 4
2152 Read the part again where the human gets eated." 1.2020 0.04758 99 82 14 3
2153 Do you mind? I'm reading. 1.2020 0.04302 99 80 18 1
2154 By the look of those motion lines, you're guilty of something. 1.2020 0.04969 99 83 12 4
2155 Stop! You’ll spoil the ending. 1.2020 0.04969 99 83 12 4
2156 It said instinct, not extinct.” #MyNewYorkerCaptio 1.2019 0.04609 104 86 15 3
2157 Kong got your tongue?" 1.2019 0.04402 104 85 17 2
2158 Quit using the doggy door! That's why I gave you a key. 1.2019 0.04808 104 87 13 4
2159 You want me to read to you again the part where you destroy cities one after another? 1.2019 0.04609 104 86 15 3
2160 And then suddenly there appeared a human. 1.2019 0.04609 104 86 15 3
2161 Cover your ears. This chapter covers the post Mesozoic era. 1.2019 0.03955 104 83 21 0
2162 Okay, okay….I’ll return the book and pay the fine today. 1.2019 0.04998 104 88 11 5
2163 This is the last time I am reading " Where the Wild Things Are" to you 1.2019 0.04402 104 85 17 2
2164 Sorry, she’s out with the girls. I’ll tell her you asked for her. 1.2019 0.04402 104 85 17 2
2165 Absolutely not. This book had first dibs on my lap. 1.2019 0.04998 104 88 11 5
2166 Not bad...I'll submit it to my editor. 1.2018 0.04280 109 89 18 2
2167 He's a great dentist. You just want to eat him up. 1.2018 0.04474 109 90 16 3
2168 Masty didn’t die! He went to a tar pit! 1.2018 0.04076 109 88 20 1
2169 Get your glasses and then you can read! 1.2018 0.04280 109 89 18 2
2170 I’m telling you, I’m positive I told them E-Rex 1.2018 0.04474 109 90 16 3
2171 Walkies? Again? You just went 15 minutes ago! Oh, get dinosaur they said and you’ll never have to about picking up or scooping the poop ever again. Boy, good thing I own a fleet of dump trucks, I tell ya! 1.2018 0.04660 109 91 14 4
2172 Hey, you forgot MY bedtime story ! 1.2018 0.04660 109 91 14 4
2173 No, you’ve had enough mammal treats for today. 1.2018 0.05011 109 93 10 6
2174 Jurassic Park. Why do you ask? 1.2018 0.04166 114 93 19 2
2175 You said you were a voracious reader, right? 1.2018 0.04692 114 96 13 5
2176 Brace yourself. This part is scary. 1.2017 0.04398 119 99 16 4
2177 I thought we agreed to stay home tonight. 1.2017 0.04061 119 97 20 2
2178 Godzilla, I told you, go play outside 1.2017 0.04398 119 99 16 4
2179 According to these HOA regulations you're about 4.5 times too big 1.2017 0.04061 119 97 20 2
2180 Chapter 3, The Merits of Personal Space 1.2017 0.04398 119 99 16 4
2181 No, you can't fee-fi-fo-fum smell the blood of an Englishman. I'm Irish. 1.2016 0.04432 124 104 15 5
2182 Just browsing 1.2016 0.04282 124 103 17 4
2183 Are you sure you are part poodle part labrador? 1.2016 0.04282 124 103 17 4
2184 Take it up with George R.R. Martin, not me. 1.2016 0.03794 124 100 23 1
2185 Get your own copy! 1.2016 0.04173 129 107 18 4
2186 Bookworms are neither tasty nor nutritious. 1.2016 0.04173 129 107 18 4
2187 Don’t leave me hanging! 1.2015 0.04208 134 112 17 5
2188 No, no, the dragon ate St. George and then he and the princess lived happily ever after. 1.2013 0.03924 149 124 20 5
2189 I'll commit after I finish. 1.2000 0.04798 110 93 12 5
2190 No, it’s not dinnertime yet. 1.2000 0.04134 115 94 19 2
2191 Did you remember to brush your teeth? 1.2000 0.05047 90 75 12 3
2192 We'll go for a walk as soon as I finish this chapter. 1.2000 0.04364 120 100 16 4
2193 You've already had two stories and a glass of water. Now go to bed. 1.2000 0.04654 115 97 13 5
2194 I just took you for a walk! 1.2000 0.04714 100 83 14 3
2195 Books really can take you anywhere. 1.2000 0.04798 110 93 12 5
2196 Dinner isn't for another hour. 1.2000 0.04637 95 78 15 2
2197 I quite concur, the narrative line is rather etiolated. 1.2000 0.04389 95 77 17 1
2198 You already got a buffalo. Only three a day, you know that. 1.2000 0.04569 105 87 15 3
2199 Put your overbite to good use. The soup cans won’t open themselves. 1.2000 0.04621 110 92 14 4
2200 Wait. I just have one more page. 1.2000 0.04043 110 89 20 1
2201 Tonight's bedtime story is about big scary monsters. I think you'll like it. 1.2000 0.04389 95 77 17 1
2202 This hits too close to home 1.2000 0.05312 95 81 9 5
2203 Honey, you have dragon breath.” 1.2000 0.04487 115 96 15 4
2204 It's not time yet. Just let me finish this chapter and then we'll have dinner and walkies. 1.2000 0.04714 100 83 14 3
2205 It’s after dinner. 1.2000 0.05239 85 71 11 3
2206 This is the last story before bedtime. 1.2000 0.04637 95 78 15 2
2207 You want to hear the one where Godzilla eats King Kong for breakfast again? 1.2000 0.04872 95 79 13 3
2208 Your mum wants her book back? Not in a million years! 1.2000 0.04437 110 91 16 3
2209 So YOU'RE the reason the microfiber has gotten shiny! 1.2000 0.04495 100 82 16 2
2210 No, this isn't it. George R.R. Martin STILL hasn't finished the next sequel yet. 1.2000 0.04924 100 84 12 4
2211 We need to talk about the elephant you just ate. 1.2000 0.04714 100 83 14 3
2212 We'll go for a walk when the meteor shower is over, OK? 1.2000 0.04872 95 79 13 3
2213 The dragonfest is next door. 1.2000 0.04364 105 86 17 2
2214 You have something on your shirt? 1.2000 0.04965 85 70 13 2
2215 Will you read my fave -- "The Little T-Rex That Could"? 1.2000 0.04621 110 92 14 4
2216 I’ll read to you when you go to bed. 1.2000 0.04569 105 87 15 3
2217 Well, y-yes, sometimes the fair damsel and the prince just get eaten alive! 1.2000 0.04714 100 83 14 3
2218 So you want me to read that "Grandmother, what big teeth you have" part a third time? 1.2000 0.04924 100 84 12 4
2219 I should have known house-sitting for Guillermo del Toro was a bad idea. 1.2000 0.04544 125 106 13 6
2220 I already told you. It’s raining out. 1.2000 0.04714 100 83 14 3
2221 Kong it's for you 1.2000 0.04621 110 92 14 4
2222 Ok, but after this one you are definitely going to bed… 1.2000 0.04872 95 79 13 3
2223 I hope they didn’t portray me as a bad guy in that book 1.2000 0.04872 95 79 13 3
2224 Where the wild things are 1.2000 0.04201 120 99 18 3
2225 Okay the princess kissed a frog and turned into a monster. Happy? 1.2000 0.04264 100 81 18 1
2226 I should have asked more question when the listing said ‘roommate right out of a fairy tale’ 1.2000 0.04495 100 82 16 2
2227 Yes, that’s what the name ‘Godzilla’ means. No, I’m not changing yours. 1.2000 0.04637 95 78 15 2
2228 Come to bed, Elon. 1.2000 0.04495 100 82 16 2
2229 Don't worry-the monster ends up with the girl in this version. 1.2000 0.04714 100 83 14 3
2230 No walk today. The restraining order went into effect. 1.2000 0.05136 105 90 9 6
2231 Don’t give me that look!” “What look? 1.2000 0.03831 110 88 22 0
2232 "I know for a fact my clothing would taste just awful." 1.2000 0.04924 100 84 12 4
2233 No. Not now. You know we have to wait until dark, to go for a walk. 1.2000 0.04096 125 103 19 3
2234 Who said face to face confrontation was extinct? 1.2000 0.04020 100 80 20 0
2235 But, we just went for a walk! 1.2000 0.04569 105 87 15 3
2236 Have you seen my mama? 1.2000 0.04487 115 96 15 4
2237 You gotta wait. I always read the book first. 1.2000 0.04437 110 91 16 3
2238 I guess I should’ve taken Timmy at his word about the monster under his bed. 1.2000 0.04134 115 94 19 2
2239 There is no autumn mist, buddy. It's April! 1.2000 0.04437 110 91 16 3
2240 No, not surprised: I heard the floorboards creak. 1.2000 0.04437 110 91 16 3
2241 You are a dream come true. 1.2000 0.04714 100 83 14 3
2242 So you want to freeze your DNA? 1.2000 0.04525 90 73 16 1
2243 Okay !! Okay !! Dont give such look , I will tell you the story. 1.2000 0.04637 95 78 15 2
2244 Yes, this book is banned. No, you can’t burn it. 1.2000 0.06264 80 70 4 6
2245 Mildred? Where are you, Mildred? 1.2000 0.04969 110 94 10 6
2246 We’ll have to get that overbite fixed. 1.1986 0.03927 141 117 20 4
2247 What did you expect, it’s a pop up book! 1.1985 0.04280 136 115 15 6
2248 When you're done vacuuming in here, you can start on the bedroom. 1.1985 0.04406 136 116 13 7
2249 Just let me finish this chapter. 1.1983 0.03825 121 98 22 1
2250 The library’s returns department was testing out a new intimidation tactic. 1.1983 0.04452 116 97 15 4
2251 Have you been eating peanut butter again? 1.1983 0.04452 116 97 15 4
2252 Oh, you need readers? Who’s the dinosaur now? 1.1983 0.04280 116 96 17 3
2253 No, Smaug isn't really dead. He's just pretending. Everything is going to be fine. 1.1982 0.04210 111 91 18 2
2254 I was just reading your biography and how it all ends. 1.1982 0.04400 111 92 16 3
2255 I just walked you five minutes ago! 1.1982 0.04210 111 91 18 2
2256 In Cold Blood." Do you like Capote 1.1981 0.04724 106 89 13 4
2257 Did you eat the elephant that was in here? 1.1981 0.04911 106 90 11 5
2258 A stork. 1.1981 0.04724 106 89 13 4
2259 It won't hurt you. It was just a mouse. 1.1981 0.04724 106 89 13 4
2260 Now that I'm 45, I feel like a total dinosaur. 1.1981 0.04327 106 87 17 2
2261 I already told you to use the dragon box in the bathroom. I'm not taking you for a walk! 1.1981 0.04530 106 88 15 3
2262 You'd have more friends if you flossed." 1.1981 0.04530 106 88 15 3
2263 Oh really? And what exactly is a neurosurgeon ‘supposed’ to look like? 1.1981 0.04530 106 88 15 3
2264 Not everyone has to believe in evolution, you know... 1.1981 0.04327 106 87 17 2
2265 ‘When he awoke, the dinosaur was still there.’ That’s it, that’s the story. 1.1981 0.04114 106 86 19 1
2266 Bob, I'm tired of you talking about the elephant. I'm here too. 1.1981 0.04911 106 90 11 5
2267 Can you explain bitcoin? 1.1981 0.04530 106 88 15 3
2268 God, you need to lay off on the chips. 1.1980 0.05078 101 86 10 5
2269 So, it’s no longer just a fine for an overdue book? 1.1980 0.04671 101 84 14 3
2270 Here’s a story you could really sink your teeth into. 1.1980 0.04454 101 83 16 2
2271 ANOTHER vegan cookbook?! 1.1980 0.04454 101 83 16 2
2272 Are you afraid there's a monster under your bed? 1.1980 0.04671 101 84 14 3
2273 Hi, I saw your ad for a rental space on SirCraigslist 1.1980 0.04671 101 84 14 3
2274 Brian, I’m happy to help you with your taxes, but I have a couple of questions about these deductions you’re claiming. 1.1980 0.04226 101 82 18 1
2275 don’t be ridiculous darling, you look ravishing 1.1980 0.04454 101 83 16 2
2276 Oh, sorry. I forgot to set out your breakfast. 1.1980 0.04454 101 83 16 2
2277 Excuse me, is the seat free? 1.1980 0.04671 101 84 14 3
2278 What fresh Hell is this? 1.1980 0.04226 101 82 18 1
2279 Kathryn, please cut your nails. 1.1980 0.04879 101 85 12 4
2280 Your breath smells. Did you eat the subway again? 1.1980 0.04879 101 85 12 4
2281 I said “Kant,” not “Kong!” No need to worry. 1.1980 0.04226 101 82 18 1
2282 “ Nice, but you’re two months late for Chinese New Year.” 1.1979 0.04826 96 80 13 3
2283 I thought you don’t like non-fiction. 1.1979 0.04826 96 80 13 3
2284 I didn't mean to say you aren't real. It's just that little Jimmy is afraid of monsters under the bed. 1.1979 0.04348 96 78 17 1
2285 I just took you for a walk less than a chapter ago! 1.1979 0.04348 96 78 17 1
2286 Asteroid? Millions of years ago. Ring a bell? 1.1978 0.04745 91 75 14 2
2287 Well, at least someone's still interested in ancient history. 1.1978 0.05234 91 77 10 4
2288 Aren't you a little too DEAD to be here? 1.1978 0.05463 91 78 8 5
2289 No! I will not get you a dog. You ate the last three. 1.1978 0.04745 91 75 14 2
2290 Yes, the White whale is still alive. 1.1978 0.04745 91 75 14 2
2291 You know, I was actually born a book worm 1.1978 0.04745 91 75 14 2
2292 I said I’m reading *Oedipus* Rex. 1.1978 0.05234 91 77 10 4
2293 Yes, I know that the madeleine is a metaphor for how concrete objects prompt involuntary memory… say it, don’t spray it. 1.1977 0.05183 86 72 11 3
2294 The dentist is NOT in. 1.1977 0.05183 86 72 11 3
2295 No need, I ate the elephant already 1.1975 0.05671 81 69 8 4
2296 And then the very hungry and ummm, friendly ogre hugged the poor alone little girl. The end. 1.1970 0.04226 132 111 16 5
2297 So he huffed and he puffed and he blew the house down. 1.1969 0.04189 127 106 17 4
2298 I'm checking, but so far there's nothing in here about huge lizards. 1.1969 0.04189 127 106 17 4
2299 I-I-I'm sorry for that particular extinction. We are currently working on our own. 1.1969 0.04037 127 105 19 3
2300 How did you get past my deadbolt? I’m curious. 1.1969 0.04336 127 107 15 5
2301 Age-appropriate reading is in your room. 1.1966 0.04070 117 96 19 2
2302 Hey Love Sponge, I'm trying to read. 1.1966 0.04417 117 98 15 4
2303 I'm reading! Shouldn't you be trampling Tokyo? 1.1966 0.04070 117 96 19 2
2304 No. King Kong wins in this version. Why do ask? 1.1964 0.03979 112 91 20 1
2305 Could I at least finish this chapter on escaping the clutches of giant lizards? 1.1964 0.04176 112 92 18 2
2306 I always knew it would end like this. 1.1964 0.04364 112 93 16 3
2307 The dragon ate the nasty Prince,And the Princess and the dragon lived happily ever after. 1.1964 0.04545 112 94 14 4
2308 Yes, you can stay home from school, but don’t eat the maid. 1.1963 0.04491 107 89 15 3
2309 Hey! I'm reading here! 1.1963 0.04491 107 89 15 3
2310 Just let me finish the chapter and I'll take you out. 1.1963 0.03858 107 86 21 0
2311 If there's a sequel to Jurassic Park I want to be script consultant 1.1963 0.04491 107 89 15 3
2312 Girlfriend farts in your apartment. You and your dog: 1.1963 0.04491 107 89 15 3
2313 We’ll go for a walk as soon as the imaginary rain stops. 1.1961 0.04189 102 83 18 1
2314 I’ve told you a dozen times. Meteors do not hit Earth. 1.1961 0.05031 102 87 10 5
2315 I should have watched the movie. 1.1961 0.04629 102 85 14 3
2316 So you ate the city and now you want dessert? 1.1961 0.04415 102 84 16 2
2317 Don’t you have homework? 1.1961 0.04835 102 86 12 4
2318 And you are?? 1.1961 0.04835 102 86 12 4
2319 Can I get you anything else to eat? 1.1961 0.04835 102 86 12 4
2320 According to this, I’m just a figment of your imagination. 1.1961 0.04189 102 83 18 1
2321 Big deal, so you're nearing extinction, get your own giant couch! 1.1959 0.04550 97 80 15 2
2322 Sorry, buddy, no more walkies until we get the excavator back from the repair shop". 1.1959 0.04550 97 80 15 2
2323 Well, reviewers gave it resounding praise. 1.1959 0.04780 97 81 13 3
2324 This is the new normal. We don’t have to go out… Welcome to Jurassic Couch. 1.1959 0.04780 97 81 13 3
2325 I called you because this story is about you 1.1959 0.04780 97 81 13 3
2326 Back to bed, Kevin. There's no one under it. 1.1957 0.04946 92 77 12 3
2327 I already have a dog. 1.1957 0.04698 92 76 14 2
2328 Relax! I said this book is about Natal Meters, not Fatal Meteors. 1.1957 0.04698 92 76 14 2
2329 Sit, like a good monster and I’ll give you a treat. 1.1957 0.05182 92 78 10 4
2330 Nobody puts Baby in a corner! 1.1957 0.04946 92 77 12 3
2331 I didn't write it! That's just how it ends! 1.1957 0.04437 92 75 16 1
2332 The New Yorker called it bingeworthy. 1.1957 0.04698 92 76 14 2
2333 What have I told you about eating the dog? Bad dinosaur. Bad! 1.1957 0.04437 92 75 16 1
2334 It says here in the PC Handbook that if you identify as a dragonfly, then by golly you’re a dragonfly! 1.1957 0.05182 92 78 10 4
2335 Go get your leash and I’ll take you for a walk after I finish this chapter. 1.1957 0.04698 92 76 14 2
2336 Today is the first day of Elmer’s remaining days. 1.1957 0.05182 92 78 10 4
2337 You better be careful I'm a voracious reader 1.1955 0.04197 133 112 16 5
2338 My God, Zilla. It's just a recipe book for good meat meals. 1.1955 0.04460 133 114 12 7
2339 Ok, one more story and you go to bed…once upon a time, there was a beautiful and misunderstood monster named Godzilla. 1.1954 0.04861 87 72 13 2
2340 I guess I’m not reading fiction. 1.1954 0.04276 87 70 17 0
2341 Can’t you go on the mat just this once? 1.1954 0.04861 87 72 13 2
2342 One more chapter and then its time for bed. 1.1953 0.03852 128 105 21 2
2343 Alright, one more story if you brush your teeth. 1.1951 0.04733 82 67 14 1
2344 Not to worry. It's Moby Dick, not Moby Dinosaur. 1.1951 0.03942 123 101 20 2
2345 My God, Zilla, you're right! King Kong's new bio really is a bloody PR disaster! 1.1951 0.05041 82 68 12 2
2346 Eragon saw that his dragon nest had been tipped by the wind force and her egg was rolling toward the edge… would she be able keep it reach it in time… ? 1.1951 0.04267 123 103 16 4
2347 This is the scary part, sure you want me to read it? 1.1951 0.03769 123 100 22 1
2348 You can devour it next. 1.1949 0.04214 118 98 17 3
2349 I know you’ve been cheating, I can smell the little floozy on you! 1.1949 0.04545 118 100 13 5
2350 You would not believe the little slug you were at birth… 1.1949 0.04383 118 99 15 4
2351 Look “slayed” might have been a strong word, but definitely subdued 1.1949 0.04383 118 99 15 4
2352 I can read you another one if you want. 1.1949 0.04039 118 97 19 2
2353 Well those mean birds are right I’m not your biological father. It all started on 1993 when mom watched Jurassic Park … 1.1949 0.04545 118 100 13 5
2354 That Japanese tourist warned me you would grow out of the shoe box. 1.1949 0.04039 118 97 19 2
2355 I'll read aloud if you stop the fire-breathing. 1.1947 0.04329 113 94 16 3
2356 According to the Bible, Jeffrey, there WERE humans there! 1.1944 0.04826 108 92 11 5
2357 Someone needs to floss better. 1.1944 0.04254 108 89 17 2
2358 Although the title sounds promising, I don't think this story about St. George and a Dragon will be the feel-good book you want it to be. 1.1944 0.04453 108 90 15 3
2359 Are you here for the rent? 1.1944 0.04643 108 91 13 4
2360 Little Jackie Paper, Loved that Rascal puff... 1.1944 0.04643 108 91 13 4
2361 I’ve told you before: we already know where the wild things are. 1.1944 0.04254 108 89 17 2
2362 What happened to your nose? 1.1944 0.04453 108 90 15 3
2363 Guess what's scarier than national illiteracy? 1.1944 0.04453 108 90 15 3
2364 No! We have no more toothpaste 1.1942 0.03917 103 83 20 0
2365 I will deal with your litter box, Max, when I'm done reading this chapter. 1.1942 0.04376 103 85 16 2
2366 Hey, don’t feel lonely. At least you were out of town when the meteor hit. 1.1942 0.04376 103 85 16 2
2367 Quit begging. You’ve had quite enough neighborhood children for the day. 1.1942 0.04791 103 87 12 4
2368 Go back outside. I promise I will let you know when I get to the Godzilla section 1.1942 0.04153 103 84 18 1
2369 I need to train you to use the toilet. 1.1942 0.04376 103 85 16 2
2370 This AI stuff has gone too far. 1.1942 0.04376 103 85 16 2
2371 I know it's not fair. Maybe Mark Twain had trouble imagining a T-Rex painting a fence. 1.1942 0.04588 103 86 14 3
2372 I can't sleep... I'm thirsty and I need to wee and can you read just one more story please, oh please? 1.1940 0.04168 134 113 16 5
2373 No. I’ve already read you Where The Wild Things Are four times today. 1.1939 0.04268 98 80 17 1
2374 Who Wants To Bite Whom!! 1.1939 0.04953 98 83 11 4
2375 Don’t be afraid, Rex. Comets aren’t real. 1.1939 0.04735 98 82 13 3
2376 Sorry. Is this your seat? 1.1939 0.04508 98 81 15 2
2377 Then the knight drew his sword tipped with a s’more for the dragon to roast and share. 1.1939 0.04735 98 82 13 3
2378 The bird feeder's empty. 1.1939 0.04268 98 80 17 1
2379 Can you hold it for a few more minutes. 1.1939 0.04508 98 81 15 2
2380 Emily Bronte-saurus, I presume?" jessicasswaim@aol.co 1.1938 0.04273 129 109 15 5
2381 No, no more rescues! 1.1935 0.04897 93 78 12 3
2382 Stop getting so hung up on whether it's fantasy or non-fiction. 1.1935 0.04119 93 75 18 0
2383 And then St. George said, “I don’t like dragons, especially big ugly ones.” 1.1935 0.04897 93 78 12 3
2384 I just confirmed that you are a vegetarian 1.1935 0.04394 93 76 16 1
2385 Yes, I will, after you brush your teeth and get in your jammies. 1.1935 0.04897 93 78 12 3
2386 I can’t stay mad at you. 1.1935 0.04652 93 77 14 2
2387 Oh alright — if you’re sure that the children are well and fully terrorized, you can be on your iPhone. But just for an hour . . . 1.1933 0.04349 119 100 15 4
2388 Flushing me down the toilet only made me stronger! 1.1933 0.04509 119 101 13 5
2389 I'll take that book. I am hungry for Knowledge. 1.1933 0.04509 119 101 13 5
2390 All right, one more time. ‘Rex! What’s for dinner? What’s for dinner, good boy!’ 1.1933 0.04182 119 99 17 3
2391 No, I don't have an appointment... 1.1932 0.05566 88 76 7 5
2392 Are you here to replace the elephant in the room? 1.1932 0.04810 88 73 13 2
2393 OK, I lied. They DID live happily ever after. 1.1932 0.05075 88 74 11 3
2394 I don't do genre. 1.1930 0.04806 114 98 10 6
2395 Well, I warned you, Lois—only a monster peeks at the end of the book. 1.1930 0.03916 114 93 20 1
2396 Don’t blame me when you have a nightmare, I told you scary stories before bed was a bad idea 1.1930 0.04471 114 96 14 4
2397 Geoffrey, it’s just not working anymore. I’ve evolved. 1.1928 0.05544 83 71 8 4
2398 Stop it -- you don't even like Bukowski. 1.1927 0.04013 109 89 19 1
2399 Please. You're not an elephant. 1.1927 0.04604 109 92 13 4
2400 Yes I'll read to you. No you can't sit on my lap. 1.1927 0.04416 109 91 15 3
2401 You are in my light 1.1927 0.04604 109 92 13 4
2402 Honey, you're home. 1.1923 0.04117 104 85 18 1
2403 I knew this day was coming-are you breaking up with me? 1.1923 0.04548 104 87 14 3
2404 There are no monsters under your bed. 1.1923 0.03638 130 106 23 1
2405 I told you not to worry— Harry Potter isn’t real! 1.1923 0.04117 104 85 18 1
2406 “ I think you need to consider that new toothbrush I got you” 1.1923 0.04548 104 87 14 3
2407 Have you tried Listerine bro!!! 1.1923 0.04117 104 85 18 1
2408 That teeth whitening toothpaste really works. 1.1923 0.04548 104 87 14 3
2409 Now how long has it been since you've eaten? 1.1923 0.04338 104 86 16 2
2410 Again? We just went for a walk! 1.1923 0.04117 104 85 18 1
2411 Yes I took it from your bookshelf. Find something else to read. 1.1923 0.04548 104 87 14 3
2412 I think this story is too scary for you. 1.1923 0.04338 104 86 16 2
2413 Nope, sorry. It says right here in the DSM that dysphoria is a mental illness. You are not a cat, you are a mentally ill giant iguana. 1.1923 0.04941 104 89 10 5
2414 And the brave dragon ate George who never became king. The end. 1.1920 0.03715 125 102 22 1
2415 I think it would be to your advantage to tell me a bedtime story 1.1920 0.03715 125 102 22 1
2416 NO. I’m devouring this book. 1.1919 0.04691 99 83 13 3
2417 No Gordo—if you want a story, get off the couch. 1.1919 0.04691 99 83 13 3
2418 Oh my... is it already time for tea, Rex? 1.1919 0.04906 99 84 11 4
2419 I ordered an elephant for this room. 1.1919 0.04466 99 82 15 2
2420 Did you use my toothbrush? 1.1919 0.04906 99 84 11 4
2421 ...how hungry? 1.1919 0.04691 99 83 13 3
2422 What's for dinner? 1.1919 0.04466 99 82 15 2
2423 Spoiler alert: the Megalosauripus did it. 1.1919 0.04466 99 82 15 2
2424 Ok, one more glass of water.” — please put the word “one” in italics 1.1919 0.04466 99 82 15 2
2425 Yes, leave. Already, the elephant is enough. 1.1919 0.04229 99 81 17 1
2426 I need to raise my hourly rate for babysitting in this neighborhood." 1.1917 0.04150 120 100 17 3
2427 I just want to be seen! 1.1917 0.04150 120 100 17 3
2428 And they lived happily ever after, now it's bed time. 1.1917 0.04315 120 101 15 4
2429 Did the Tremor cause your BooBoo ? 1.1915 0.05300 94 81 8 5
2430 Please scratch behind my ears. 1.1915 0.04849 94 79 12 3
2431 Be patient, we're ten pages from the end. 1.1915 0.05079 94 80 10 4
2432 I wonder what'll happen when I start reading Penthouse Forum. 1.1915 0.04351 94 77 16 1
2433 I never noticed your eyes before, you have really pretty eyes. 1.1913 0.04435 115 97 14 4
2434 Yes, you can lick the gilt when I’m done. 1.1913 0.04077 115 95 18 2
2435 Relax! It is not dinner time yet! 1.1910 0.05022 89 75 11 3
2436 This book is not food. Sit! 1.1910 0.04761 89 74 13 2
2437 What have I told you about begging? 1.1910 0.05022 89 75 11 3
2438 I'll scratch your tummy when I finish this chapter. 1.1910 0.04485 89 73 15 1
2439 Slide over handsome. 1.1909 0.03764 110 89 21 0
2440 Michael Crichton is my favorite author, too. 1.1909 0.04184 110 91 17 2
2441 Hey! You’re in my chair. 1.1909 0.04745 110 94 11 5
2442 Is that the abridged version? 1.1909 0.04565 110 93 13 4
2443 Once upon a slime... 1.1909 0.04565 110 93 13 4
2444 You did something different with your hair? 1.1909 0.04379 110 92 15 3
2445 Excuse me, but this is supposed to be fiction. 1.1905 0.05214 84 71 10 3
2446 I promise, I've read this one, and I feel the author gives a more balanced view than most, in terms of the dragon character. 1.1905 0.04300 105 87 16 2
2447 I know how you feel. Readers are also going extinct. 1.1905 0.04707 105 89 12 4
2448 I think that’s the pizza delivery at the door. This time don’t eat her. 1.1905 0.04081 105 86 18 1
2449 I thought you were coming up to read me a bedtime story. 1.1905 0.04897 105 90 10 5
2450 Wrong book. This is a THESAURUS. 1.1905 0.04897 105 90 10 5
2451 Remember, the first rule of our book club is to give each other space. 1.1905 0.04897 105 90 10 5
2452 Did you feel the earthquake too? 1.1905 0.04300 105 87 16 2
2453 It's not time for another walk Leosophorus! You just got back from a walk. 1.1905 0.04508 105 88 14 3
2454 Oooo scary. Read me the one about the kid on top of my bed!! 1.1905 0.04508 105 88 14 3
2455 Good morning, Sunshine! 1.1905 0.04300 105 87 16 2
2456 No. I don't see any parsley between your teeth. 1.1905 0.04508 105 88 14 3
2457 'Ba Boing' 1.1905 0.05081 105 91 8 6
2458 I was told you’d be an elephant. 1.1905 0.04300 105 87 16 2
2459 Go away you only scare me when you’re under the bed. 1.1905 0.04631 84 69 14 1
2460 You don’t look like the elephant in the room! 1.1901 0.04118 121 101 17 3
2461 This story is too scary for me. 1.1901 0.04282 121 102 15 4
2462 I'm want to be more than just your figment. 1.1901 0.03769 121 99 21 1
2463 No, I will not get you another swamp of water. Go back to bed. 1.1901 0.04282 121 102 15 4
2464 Is that the new Trump bible you are reading? 1.1900 0.04861 100 85 11 4
2465 Ok, you can stay, but try to hold back your tears at the sad parts. 1.1900 0.04648 100 84 13 3
2466 That's ridiculous. There's nothing under your bed, so go back to sleep. 1.1900 0.04426 100 83 15 2
2467 WOW! Those new pet vitamins really work wonders! 1.1900 0.03943 100 81 19 0
2468 Can you help an old pal with glaucoma? Puff! I thought you were dead! 1.1900 0.04426 100 83 15 2
2469 'And they all lived happily ever after! ...Everyone! ...Creatures great and small! ...In total harmony! ...Happily ever after!' 1.1900 0.04648 100 84 13 3
2470 You said I should take emotional space 1.1900 0.04426 100 83 15 2
2471 I don’t care if you have it on hold. 1.1900 0.04861 100 85 11 4
2472 I told you no dessert until you finish eating your skyscrapers. 1.1899 0.05428 79 67 9 3
2473 No more stories, no drink of water. Go to bed! 1.1899 0.05428 79 67 9 3
2474 No I don't want a BJ. Thanks though. 1.1897 0.04400 116 98 14 4
2475 Here's how it starts: "As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from uneasy dreams..." 1.1897 0.04045 116 96 18 2
2476 Okay, okay! Saint George couldn't defeat the dragon, and the princess and the dragon lived happily ever after. 1.1897 0.04567 116 99 12 5
2477 Sit, Fluffy, sit. 1.1897 0.04045 116 96 18 2
2478 For the 1000th time: don't sneak up on me like that! 1.1895 0.04802 95 80 12 3
2479 The monster in me is the monster in you? 1.1895 0.05030 95 81 10 4
2480 Excuse me, Dino! Go back to your chair, you know i don't feed you before 5pm. 1.1895 0.05030 95 81 10 4
2481 Can we just go back to the good ol' days with the elephant in the room? 1.1895 0.04563 95 79 14 2
2482 Please don’t worry. All you’re having is a check-up and a cleaning. 1.1895 0.05457 95 83 6 6
2483 Are you ready for dinner? 1.1895 0.05030 95 81 10 4
2484 I already checked under your bed and in your closet, go back to sleep. 1.1895 0.04563 95 79 14 2
2485 MARJORIE? What time did you last feed Wilfred? 1.1895 0.04802 95 80 12 3
2486 You're not supposed to still be here. 1.1895 0.05030 95 81 10 4
2487 For the last time, there are no monsters under your bed! Now go back to sleep! 1.1895 0.04802 95 80 12 3
2488 Seriously? Alright, one more story and then straight to bed. 1.1895 0.04802 95 80 12 3
2489 If I stare into its soul maybe, just maybe, it wont realize i'm here. 1.1895 0.04802 95 80 12 3
2490 We are running out of groomers and you need your nails trimmed. 1.1895 0.04310 95 78 16 1
2491 Mind if I sit here with you and wait for the eclipse to start? 1.1895 0.04042 95 77 18 0
2492 I didn’t finish the reading. What happens after that meteor hits? 1.1895 0.04563 95 79 14 2
2493 Last time I kept reading you ended up stealing all of my covers. 1.1894 0.04451 132 114 11 7
2494 Did you get to the scary part yet? 1.1894 0.03746 132 109 21 2
2495 Probably better if mom drives you to soccer, honey. This is my 'macro-dose' day. 1.1892 0.04705 111 95 11 5
2496 'Grandmother, what big teeth you have!' said Little Re- 1.1892 0.04527 111 94 13 4
2497 What are you doing here? 1.1892 0.04705 111 95 11 5
2498 I'll have you know I won my University's Stare Down contest! 1.1892 0.04150 111 92 17 2
2499 It doesn’t mean anyone’s going to chase you, personally. 1.1892 0.04527 111 94 13 4
2500 Is that your tummy growling? 1.1892 0.04527 111 94 13 4
2501 Don’t worry buddy, there are no asteroids underneath your bed 1.1889 0.04713 90 75 13 2
2502 Pretending you can't see the monster doesn't mean it isn't there 1.1889 0.04970 90 76 11 3
2503 #Damn, these virtual reality books are getting too real.” 1.1889 0.04970 90 76 11 3
2504 Next time say spoiler alert before you tell me the ending. 1.1887 0.04263 106 88 16 2
2505 Get back in the closet and close the door! 1.1887 0.04665 106 90 12 4
2506 No spoilers! 1.1887 0.04263 106 88 16 2
2507 Dad there’s a human above my bed! 1.1887 0.04469 106 89 14 3
2508 Sit, Princess. Sit! 1.1887 0.04665 106 90 12 4
2509 OK. OK. I promise to put the toilet seat down from now on. 1.1887 0.04263 106 88 16 2
2510 I'm lost. Can you tell me Where The Wild Things Are? 1.1887 0.04469 106 89 14 3
2511 Read faster. I'm starving 1.1887 0.04263 106 88 16 2
2512 So this is where evolution led us 1.1887 0.04263 106 88 16 2
2513 That’s not how Toothless does it in the movies. Go again. 1.1887 0.04263 106 88 16 2
2514 Don't give me those eyes, you've had your walk. 1.1885 0.04088 122 102 17 3
2515 Why Grandma! What big teeth you have! 1.1882 0.05157 85 72 10 3
2516 It looks like we’re both voracious readers. 1.1882 0.05157 85 72 10 3
2517 You have to wait for the ending to see if the dragon lives happily ever after. 1.1882 0.04878 85 71 12 2
2518 I told you not to read over my shoulder. 1.1881 0.04816 101 86 11 4
2519 Don’t whine at me like that, you’re the one that ate Mommy. 1.1881 0.04386 101 84 15 2
2520 Love your teeth. Who's your dentist? 1.1881 0.04606 101 85 13 3
2521 Don't fret, sometimes monsters DO get happy endings!" 1.1881 0.04386 101 84 15 2
2522 It really is time to clean that toilet. 1.1881 0.04154 101 83 17 1
2523 And so the princess told the mean old knight to put down his sword, and then she made brownies, and she gave the little dragon 8 of them, and he was very, very happy... 1.1881 0.04154 101 83 17 1
2524 Have you seen an orthodontist? 1.1881 0.04386 101 84 15 2
2525 No, I am not going to read to you the Game of Thrones again! 1.1881 0.04816 101 86 11 4
2526 oh, please don't, Gerald. You're bigger than that. 1.1881 0.04606 101 85 13 3
2527 It was much easier to ignore the elephant, I must say 1.1881 0.04154 101 83 17 1
2528 I'm sorry Honey, I'm starting to wonder what I ever saw in you. 1.1880 0.04193 117 98 16 3
2529 Schniff schniff 1.1880 0.04014 117 97 18 2
2530 If you want something to eat, there’re still a few Karens left at the end of the block 1.1880 0.04365 117 99 14 4
2531 I'm sorry you are lonely, but you know you have to stay in the closet until bedtime. 1.1875 0.04307 112 94 15 3
2532 Basketball is out...your hands are too small..." 1.1875 0.04519 96 80 14 2
2533 Spit her out and I'll never go to a natural history museum again. 1.1875 0.04981 96 82 10 4
2534 Then the dragon ate the entire town and slayed the knight...the end. 1.1875 0.04490 112 95 13 4
2535 You’re the one who wanted me to get a love seat 1.1875 0.04519 96 80 14 2
2536 Forget it. Remember what happened last time you sat on my lap? 1.1875 0.04005 96 78 18 0
2537 How many times have I told you to get back under the bed where you belong? 1.1875 0.04270 96 79 16 1
2538 Is it dinner time yet? 1.1875 0.04116 112 93 17 2
2539 Down, Bookworm, down! 1.1875 0.04756 96 81 12 3
2540 I’m sorry, Mr. Martin hasn’t finished the series yet. 1.1875 0.04519 96 80 14 2
2541 But it says here you're extinct. 1.1875 0.04116 112 93 17 2
2542 And just when I was coming to accept the Elephant in the room ... 1.1875 0.04519 96 80 14 2
2543 You remember how it went last time we took a walk. 1.1875 0.05196 96 83 8 5
2544 Look, it's not my fault Beauty gets top billing. 1.1875 0.04490 112 95 13 4
2545 I warned you, Puff’s biography is not for the faint of heart! 1.1875 0.04307 112 94 15 3
2546 Let's get you outside before you breathe on the carpet. 1.1875 0.04490 112 95 13 4
2547 Okay, we'll go for a walk, but only if you'll wear your leash. 1.1875 0.04270 96 79 16 1
2548 I’m sorry, Spike, but you’re not a lap dinosaur anymore. 1.1875 0.04270 96 79 16 1
2549 Just kidding. Mary Shelley is not better than Godzilla v. Kong. 1.1875 0.04756 96 81 12 3
2550 Like I said, it’s only a first draft 1.1875 0.04116 112 93 17 2
2551 It isn't time for your dinner, yet. 1.1871 0.03473 139 114 24 1
2552 It's kind of a scary book. Are you sure you want me to read it to you? 1.1870 0.04057 123 103 17 3
2553 You’ve read this one already. Remember, you thought the author’s use of allegory was timeless? 1.1870 0.04523 123 106 11 6
2554 Yes, I DO still smell flies on your breath. Go brush again, and this time use floss. 1.1870 0.04057 123 103 17 3
2555 I told you I needed Invisalign! 1.1869 0.04430 107 90 14 3
2556 Why so insecure lately? O.K.! Yes! Love your dentures! 1.1869 0.04227 107 89 16 2
2557 And to think you were worrying about the elephant in the room. 1.1869 0.04625 107 91 12 4
2558 No, I will not read you "Where the Wild Things Are" again! 1.1869 0.04625 107 91 12 4
2559 Chapter 3: Th K-Pg boundary 1.1869 0.04625 107 91 12 4
2560 Sorry to disappoint you. Little Red Riding Hood never said, "what big teeth you have." 1.1869 0.04812 107 92 10 5
2561 Please use the litter box. 1.1869 0.04227 107 89 16 2
2562 I don’t suppose you’re here for book club? 1.1869 0.04013 107 88 18 1
2563 (Sniff.) 1.1869 0.04430 107 90 14 3
2564 Is it "beast in the sheets" night again? 1.1868 0.05162 91 78 9 4
2565 I've been looking everywhere for that book! 1.1868 0.04920 91 77 11 3
2566 I know,I know. You always get the Bad guy part. 1.1868 0.04920 91 77 11 3
2567 I never should read about politics late at night. 1.1868 0.04665 91 76 13 2
2568 I’d call this insecure attachment 1.1868 0.04396 91 75 15 1
2569 No you can’t go to play with King Kong 1.1868 0.04665 91 76 13 2
2570 Here, let me get that lash out of your eye. It must be driving you crazy! 1.1868 0.04920 91 77 11 3
2571 Your breath smells. 1.1868 0.04396 91 75 15 1
2572 AI is nothing compared to a good old-fashioned book and these edibles” 1.1868 0.04396 91 75 15 1
2573 I think I know how this story ends. 1.1867 0.05597 75 64 8 3
2574 Are you in one of your moods again? 1.1867 0.05597 75 64 8 3
2575 Voracious Reader versus Voracious Eater 1.1866 0.03987 134 113 17 4
2576 No, I won't read you the ending yet! 1.1864 0.04161 118 99 16 3
2577 Do you mind? 1.1864 0.04495 118 101 12 5
2578 You’re not allowed on the couch. 1.1864 0.03983 118 98 18 2
2579 Not now! I'm reading. 1.1864 0.04161 118 99 16 3
2580 No, I am not letting you out to chase the squirrels. 1.1864 0.04161 118 99 16 3
2581 Honey, did you forget to call the exterminator? 1.1863 0.04564 102 86 13 3
2582 Oh dear, I think I had too much to drink... 1.1863 0.04346 102 85 15 2
2583 Yeah, I agree. The protagonist in “The Giving Tree” is kinda monstrous. 1.1863 0.04772 102 87 11 4
2584 You forget to take your pills again dear? 1.1863 0.04346 102 85 15 2
2585 Just one more chapter, then you can eat me. 1.1863 0.04564 102 86 13 3
2586 No, I don't know where Max went. 1.1863 0.04564 102 86 13 3
2587 I'm sorry, the auditions for Jurassic Park 4 are next week! 1.1863 0.04346 102 85 15 2
2588 Why do you want to snuggle only when I'm reading?" 1.1863 0.04117 102 84 17 1
2589 And then she kissed him and he became a handsome prince. The end. 1.1863 0.04346 102 85 15 2
2590 I promise the dragon wasn't slain 1.1862 0.03913 145 123 17 5
2591 Sorry for the home visit but I couldn't get into your dental office. 1.1860 0.05101 86 73 10 3
2592 It's not scratch and sniff. 1.1860 0.05101 86 73 10 3
2593 Watch the lamp. 1.1860 0.04826 86 72 12 2
2594 No, of course not. It's the one where the dragon slays the prince. 1.1860 0.04826 86 72 12 2
2595 Are you sure you want to know how this ends? 1.1858 0.04083 113 94 17 2
2596 No, I have never seen the movie Jurassic Park. 1.1858 0.03885 113 93 19 1
2597 What do mean, where is she? You ate her on Good Friday. 1.1858 0.04083 113 94 17 2
2598 No, I don't know what happened to your squeaky toy. Where did you last have it? 1.1856 0.04476 97 81 14 2
2599 Simon says, stare at a human." 1.1856 0.04476 97 81 14 2
2600 Not today, Slaytan. I actually opened the Trump bible, and I think I'm changing my mind about a lot of things. 1.1856 0.04933 97 83 10 4
2601 Realax Dino! Dinner’s not until 5:00, the same time I feed the cat. By the way, where’s the cat?” 1.1856 0.04476 97 81 14 2
2602 Rats, bad trip. 1.1856 0.04933 97 83 10 4
2603 Why are you so upset about Mothra all of a sudden? 1.1856 0.04710 97 82 12 3
2604 I don't know if you're sniffing me or this copy of 'Infinite Jest', but we're both indigestible. 1.1856 0.04710 97 82 12 3
2605 Walkies....I hope. 1.1855 0.03861 124 103 19 2
2606 No more snacks. You just ate! 1.1852 0.05303 81 69 9 3
2607 What rhymes with Brontësaurus? 1.1852 0.04393 108 91 14 3
2608 Go get your own book! 1.1852 0.04585 108 92 12 4
2609 If you're going to read along with me, could you stop moving your mouth? 1.1852 0.04393 108 91 14 3
2610 Look at me I've got no dentures. You at least have uppers. 1.1852 0.05303 81 69 9 3
2611 Can I just see the book? Can I just smell the book? Can I just taste the book? 1.1852 0.04191 108 90 16 2
2612 No, it's not about monsters! If you sit quietly I'll read you the latest Clancy book which will be exciting for both of us! 1.1849 0.04297 119 101 14 4
2613 No, we can't go for a walk, you ate your leash....and my wife 1.1849 0.04297 119 101 14 4
2614 It's called Beowulf- you wouldn't like it. 1.1849 0.03952 119 99 18 2
2615 I'm sorry, I've already got a pet. 1.1849 0.03768 119 98 20 1
2616 Might I recommend an orthodontist? 1.1848 0.04870 92 78 11 3
2617 And then he ate the evil knight all up... now it's time for your bedtime. 1.1848 0.05338 92 80 7 5
2618 Really? I JUST took you out. 1.1848 0.04619 92 77 13 2
2619 I’ll read you a bedtime story when you get back under the bed. 1.1848 0.04619 92 77 13 2
2620 No, neither the book nor I are scratch and sniff 1.1848 0.04619 92 77 13 2
2621 And this is why our species could never coexist. 1.1848 0.04870 92 78 11 3
2622 I will take you on your walk after I finish this chapter. 1.1848 0.04619 92 77 13 2
2623 Dinner isn't til 6:00 pm! 1.1848 0.04870 92 78 11 3
2624 Can you pick my nose? 1.1848 0.04870 92 78 11 3
2625 Don't be scared. It's fiction—just like you. 1.1845 0.04523 103 87 13 3
2626 And that's the true story of how the Dinosaurs died. 1.1845 0.04729 103 88 11 4
2627 This is what happens when we ignore the elephant in the room. 1.1845 0.04523 103 87 13 3
2628 This is the last story then it’s off to bed for you 1.1845 0.03840 103 84 19 0
2629 Was I the problem Jim? Did I push her away?? 1.1842 0.04238 114 96 15 3
2630 Dinner's late, Jim. 1.1842 0.05528 76 65 8 3
2631 But you asked for a souvenir from the Museum 1.1842 0.05201 76 64 10 2
2632 Don't cry: the dragon died in the end but from their blood a rose bush grew. 1.1840 0.03997 125 105 17 3
2633 I’m sorry, I haven’t gotten to the feeding chapter of “Care and Feeding of your Dinosaur” yet. 1.1840 0.04156 125 106 15 4
2634 And that's how Hagrid lost Norbert, the Norwegian Ridgeback dragon he hatched from an egg. 1.1839 0.04775 87 73 12 2
2635 I hate to break it to you, but this book says you are extinct. 1.1839 0.04486 87 72 14 1
2636 I said go outside’ 1.1839 0.05047 87 74 10 3
2637 Tell me again how I beat King Kong." 1.1839 0.04486 87 72 14 1
2638 There are other books and magazines on the table, if you don't mind. 1.1839 0.05047 87 74 10 3
2639 That teeth-whitening stuff you got is really worth the money! 1.1837 0.04435 98 82 14 2
2640 Sit Rex! We'll take a walk when I finish this chapter. 1.1837 0.04435 98 82 14 2
2641 There are no monsters in your closet. Go back to bed. Kate Bast Madison WI 53711 1.1837 0.04886 98 84 10 4
2642 I don’t feel so strongly about these 3-D stories anymore… 1.1837 0.04435 98 82 14 2
2643 Now sit still. This page doesn't have any pictures on it. 1.1837 0.04435 98 82 14 2
2644 Have you seen my razor? 1.1837 0.05097 98 85 8 5
2645 Someone needs a dental stick. 1.1837 0.04435 98 82 14 2
2646 And they lived happily ever after…still hungry? 1.1837 0.04191 98 81 16 1
2647 I'd like to borrow a cup of sugar. 1.1835 0.04355 109 92 14 3
2648 Fifi! You've left paw prints all over the carpet! 1.1835 0.03946 109 90 18 1
2649 And what happened after the meteor hit? 1.1835 0.04156 109 91 16 2
2650 It's called hyperbole when the reviewer says it's a book you can sink your teeth into." 1.1835 0.04355 109 92 14 3
2651 Here it says that you were feathered and 5 feet tall , but, you know, early paleontologists had a strong imagination 1.1835 0.04355 109 92 14 3
2652 No, I guana read right now. 1.1835 0.03946 109 90 18 1
2653 I just think you need to hear my side of the story. 1.1835 0.04546 109 93 12 4
2654 You know, maybe the prince dies at the end. 1.1833 0.04264 120 102 14 4
2655 Yes, as a matter of fact I am reading ‘Game of Thrones'. 1.1833 0.04097 120 101 16 3
2656 …does the King know you’re gone? 1.1833 0.03922 120 100 18 2
2657 What now? 1.1829 0.04947 82 69 11 2
2658 Yes, you can have ten minutes' screen time if you listen to the end of the story. 1.1828 0.04573 93 78 13 2
2659 No. I told you, you're not allowed to lie on the couch. 1.1828 0.04573 93 78 13 2
2660 I took you for a walk just five million years ago! 1.1828 0.04822 93 79 11 3
2661 Yes, it's dinner time, but don't look at me like that. 1.1828 0.04310 93 77 15 1
2662 Don't be afraid, it's only a story. Monsters don't exist in real life. 1.1828 0.05058 93 80 9 4
2663 How Do Humans Go to Sleep? 1.1828 0.04822 93 79 11 3
2664 So, you’ve finally decided to show your face. 1.1828 0.05284 93 81 7 5
2665 And that’s how the dinosaurs became extinct. 1.1828 0.04573 93 78 13 2
2666 You don't look anything like your profile picture !! 1.1828 0.05284 93 81 7 5
2667 I think it’s just parsley. 1.1828 0.04822 93 79 11 3
2668 I just need a hug. 1.1828 0.04310 93 77 15 1
2669 Iguana read you a bigger book. 1.1828 0.04310 93 77 15 1
2670 What’s for dinner Majorie? 1.1828 0.04822 93 79 11 3
2671 What chapter do you go back to your cave? 1.1827 0.04687 104 89 11 4
2672 Mealtime!! 1.1827 0.04483 104 88 13 3
2673 If today is not Halloween, I’m in big trouble. 1.1827 0.04483 104 88 13 3
2674 Don't worry . . . I'm a vegan! Where's the kitchen? 1.1827 0.04483 104 88 13 3
2675 Oh, hi. Uhhhhhhm, well...and then all the monsters lived happily ever after and never ate another man reading a book...on a couch...in his home...minding his own business...all peaceful-like. 1.1827 0.04483 104 88 13 3
2676 Rex, despite endless research, I still can't find a cure for your dino-sore. 1.1827 0.04483 104 88 13 3
2677 I told you to cut back on the macchiatos. 1.1827 0.04270 104 87 15 2
2678 Will you read me a bedtime story? Mom's busy. 1.1827 0.04882 104 90 9 5
2679 OK, one more story and then please get the hell out of here. 1.1827 0.04270 104 87 15 2
2680 Three short pages from the end. Oh, the irony! 1.1827 0.04045 104 86 17 1
2681 I have the feeling you think I'm expendable. 1.1826 0.04204 115 97 15 3
2682 Sorry, the monster doesn't make it in the end. 1.1826 0.03823 115 95 19 1
2683 "Oh, no--not another Overbiteosaurus!" 1.1825 0.03805 126 105 19 2
2684 *Why is it that every time I sit down to read, you have to go potty?" 1.1818 0.04994 88 75 10 3
2685 OK, OK! You can eat it when I'm finished! 1.1818 0.03914 110 91 18 1
2686 Fred had recently retired to Florida only to find the invasive green iguana a large problem. 1.1818 0.04393 99 83 14 2
2687 Boo-Boo need walk-walk? 1.1818 0.04393 99 83 14 2
2688 Where's the elephant? 1.1818 0.04319 110 93 14 3
2689 No, you tell me ... what happened to the elephant in the room? 1.1818 0.04622 99 84 12 3
2690 Garlic, Fred? Really? 1.1818 0.04840 99 85 10 4
2691 No, I don't believe you are a chick magnet. 1.1818 0.04840 99 85 10 4
2692 You gonna finish that? 1.1818 0.04508 110 94 12 4
2693 Two taps? An asteroid is coming? 1.1818 0.04622 99 84 12 3
2694 Look, just let me finish the chapter, then we'll go out. 1.1818 0.04121 110 92 16 2
2695 I told you dinner is not until 6:00! 1.1818 0.04508 110 94 12 4
2696 You didn't eat your veggies so no book time young fella. 1.1818 0.04152 99 82 16 1
2697 Do you even know what "looking over my shoulder" means? 1.1818 0.03896 99 81 18 0
2698 You are THE biggest nudge. 1.1818 0.04622 99 84 12 3
2699 'There's a 'what' at the door?' 1.1818 0.04440 88 73 14 1
2700 Relax, I just went to the Natural History Museum. 1.1818 0.04622 99 84 12 3
2701 Let's read the part again where the wild things go to bed without their supper. 1.1818 0.04622 99 84 12 3
2702 My therapist insists that you are a figment of my imagination and that I am perfectly safe when I tell you to stop trying to consume me. 1.1818 0.04622 99 84 12 3
2703 Rub the very back of your tongue?? Now?? 1.1818 0.04121 110 92 16 2
2704 Got someone in your teeth? 1.1818 0.04393 99 83 14 2
2705 sorry only short stories 1.1818 0.04393 99 83 14 2
2706 I hate it when you grovel. 1.1818 0.04152 99 82 16 1
2707 Please hold it in until I finish this chapter 1.1818 0.04393 99 83 14 2
2708 'This story is too unrealistic." 1.1818 0.04152 99 82 16 1
2709 I think you need a 'dinodontist'! 1.1818 0.04994 88 75 10 3
2710 If I was not drawn this way, I wouldn't have to sneak up on you. 1.1818 0.04152 99 82 16 1
2711 I'm reading. 1.1810 0.03986 116 97 17 2
2712 Stop that! It's too early for your walk. 1.1810 0.03986 116 97 17 2
2713 Blame my meds, but I prefer fictional to literal manifestations of pure evil. 1.1810 0.03986 116 97 17 2
2714 Fair warning if you’d like to leave the room. I’m about to read about the mass extinction event. 1.1810 0.04010 105 87 17 1
2715 Who left the pet door open? 1.1810 0.04645 105 90 11 4
2716 I don't like people reading over my shoulder, but for you I can make an exception. 1.1810 0.04010 105 87 17 1
2717 The barn’s on fire? Timmy fell in the well? You ate Timmy?! 1.1810 0.04232 105 88 15 2
2718 Don't get your scales in an uproar. I'm just about finished then you can have it. 1.1810 0.04232 105 88 15 2
2719 Keep reading. I can't sleep. There's a monster under my bed. 1.1810 0.04232 105 88 15 2
2720 Perhaps there is a correlation between a solar eclipse and the ice age 1.1810 0.04010 105 87 17 1
2721 What’s a Kindle? 1.1810 0.04444 105 89 13 3
2722 Don’t mention it. 1.1810 0.04232 105 88 15 2
2723 Yes the princess knew where the pea was. 1.1810 0.04444 105 89 13 3
2724 Once a time, long, long ago in a galaxy far, far away, there was a little dragon.. 1.1809 0.04528 94 79 13 2
2725 Excuse me, did an elephant just come through here? 1.1809 0.03991 94 77 17 0
2726 Change you back to normal, dear? That's what they did. 1.1809 0.04774 94 80 11 3