Contest #879


Cartoon

879


Name Value
Submission deadline -
Voting started -
Voting ended -
Finalists announced -
Magazine(s) announcing finalists issued -
Number of captions 7046
Number of responses 1119122
Number of participants -


Dashboard

In this table, the "mean" means the empirically measured average funniness score when the "unfunny", "somewhat funny" and "funny" receive a funniness score of 1, 2, 3 respectively. "Precison" is the standard error of the mean, the standard deviation of the mean estimate. With that, a caption with an empirical mean μ and precision σ has true mean in the range [μ - 2σ, μ + 2σ] with 95% probability by the 68-95-99.7 rule assuming the responses are indepedent and identically distributed.

Rank Caption Mean Precision Total votes "Unfunny" votes "Somewhat funny" votes "Funny" votes
0 It started when Hell froze over 1.7628 0.02141 1311 586 450 275
1 How he keeps mixing up Shalom and Slalom is beyond me. 1.7336 0.01377 3393 1664 969 760
2 John 3:16 still the time to beat! 1.7293 0.01308 3823 1908 1042 873
3 Yeah, I know. His Dad owns the place. 1.7209 0.01318 3644 1804 1053 787
4 OMG Hell must have frozen over. 1.7171 0.01400 3319 1681 896 742
5 This is the only elevation that still gets real snow. 1.7143 0.01424 2951 1425 944 582
6 Yes, there is golf as well. 1.7122 0.01327 3124 1438 1147 539
7 Talk about a leap of faith. 1.7121 0.02079 1358 650 449 259
8 You’d think he’d wear a helmet this time 1.7102 0.01365 3206 1556 1023 627
9 Most folks opt for wings. 1.7059 0.01301 3308 1555 1171 582
10 He’s actually not dead..yet. 1.7048 0.01386 3086 1505 987 594
11 It’s not what most people expect God to look like, I know 1.7029 0.01395 3184 1599 932 653
12 Something our marketing team came up with. Extreme Afterlife. 1.7028 0.01548 2503 1233 781 489
13 He doesn't yet know that he is approaching his final gate. 1.6946 0.01372 3117 1535 999 583
14 So much for death-defying. 1.6938 0.01156 4585 2321 1347 917
15 The last run of the day is always a killer 1.6873 0.01382 3131 1578 954 599
16 There's no snow where he's going. 1.6817 0.01359 3192 1610 988 594
17 You won’t see that in hell. 1.6806 0.01312 3331 1657 1081 593
18 Technically not a miracle, but he finds it way more fun than WALKING on water. 1.6785 0.01977 1490 750 469 271
19 Looks like he missed his last gate. 1.6773 0.01552 2324 1146 782 396
20 Behold the slippery slope. 1.6713 0.01351 3161 1602 996 563
21 He'll be penalized for missing this gate. 1.6698 0.01352 3104 1562 1005 537
22 He’ll qualify when he hits the tree. 1.6664 0.01998 1460 750 447 263
23 He’s got on way too many layers for where he’s going. 1.6640 0.01258 3747 1952 1102 693
24 Here comes another one. Bless them. They think they'll make that jump every time. 1.6628 0.01827 1637 816 557 264
25 And here I always thought it was a stairway to Heaven. 1.6608 0.02111 1253 634 410 209
26 If he sticks the landing, he can stay. 1.6506 0.01424 2788 1445 872 471
27 That sport has been great for business. 1.6494 0.01433 2724 1407 865 452
28 Welcome to Heaven. It's all downhill from up here. 1.6483 0.01576 2255 1167 714 374
29 We're the only place that can afford to host the Winter Olympics. 1.6436 0.01513 2458 1285 764 409
30 Well, they do say fresh powder is heaven. 1.6396 0.01422 2633 1346 890 397
31 The fourth member of your party is arriving any second now. 1.6375 0.01402 2797 1459 893 445
32 That’s our premium level. 1.6349 0.01314 3117 1615 1025 477
33 Another perk of Heaven. No snowboarders allowed. 1.6304 0.01341 3103 1651 948 504
34 Oh, that person is a Unitarian. Unitarians have a different process. 1.6288 0.01389 2969 1606 859 504
35 Oh that's the-agony-of-defeat guy. God gave him a free pass. 1.6225 0.01334 3139 1693 938 508
36 Even before he arrived he was going downhill fast. 1.6205 0.01412 2714 1444 856 414
37 There's always someone who tries to skip the line. 1.6199 0.01315 3060 1612 999 449
38 God shows up in mysterious ways. 1.6197 0.02080 1249 665 394 190
39 Moses is back from the mountaintop. 1.6182 0.01326 3182 1729 939 514
40 He signed up for pre-check. 1.6017 0.01508 2370 1298 718 354
41 As you can see,lift passes are included 1.5942 0.02162 1072 574 359 139
42 Heaven can wait but apparently Bob can’t. 1.5878 0.02482 854 473 260 121
43 He preferred those to wings. 1.5866 0.01509 2189 1185 724 280
44 He has an E-ZPass. 1.5807 0.01604 1920 1045 635 240
45 This is his last resort. 1.5773 0.01282 3757 2290 765 702
46 Hold it! I thought we got wings. 1.5701 0.01702 1740 973 542 225
47 I’m not sure. It could be the father or the son. 1.5680 0.01753 1766 1025 479 262
48 Plenty of time for hobbies you couldn’t afford on earth here 1.5619 0.01817 1477 825 474 178
49 That's the third time this week. Looks like they switched the Heaven's Gate trail sign with Devil's Run again. 1.5603 0.01851 1517 874 436 207
50 Unfortunately, Larry went downhill very quickly. 1.5537 0.01921 1378 795 403 180
51 We had a typo in our ad… it was supposed to say “shalom." 1.5532 0.01714 2041 1271 411 359
52 When they said there is more than one way to get into Heaven, that's what they meant. 1.5468 0.01863 1399 800 433 166
53 The chosen few get unlimited season passes.” 1.5439 0.01711 2166 1406 342 418
54 We also have pickleball. 1.5431 0.01641 1950 1161 519 270
55 His last words were, “Hey, watch this!” 1.5429 0.01811 1630 978 419 233
56 Must be The Pope 1.5416 0.02204 1095 657 283 155
57 Oh those Scandinavians know how to make a grand entrance 1.5405 0.02113 1110 647 326 137
58 He died doing what he loved. 1.5383 0.02047 1202 708 341 153
59 She's overdressed for where she's headed. 1.5360 0.01771 1873 1186 370 317
60 He's having the time of his afterlife. 1.5277 0.01922 1499 936 335 228
61 His dad owns the place. 1.5272 0.01902 1599 1019 317 263
62 He's French, he's good-looking ... you know sometimes the restrictions just don't apply. 1.5245 0.02180 1001 589 299 113
63 Those damn Norwegians! 1.5241 0.02266 1038 641 250 147
64 Oh dear God, another novice on a black diamond slope! 1.5195 0.02412 820 487 240 93
65 He checked in online. 1.5177 0.01890 1437 882 366 189
66 Heaven is being able to do the things you always wanted to do in life, but never did. 1.5138 0.02340 872 523 250 99
67 He thinks he missed that tree. 1.5120 0.02100 1209 761 277 171
68 There are loopholes we couldn't have foreseen. 1.5118 0.02239 932 556 275 101
69 He still won’t wear a helmet. 1.5106 0.02117 1326 877 221 228
70 On the seventh day, He skis. 1.5097 0.02310 981 615 232 134
71 He is in our special rewards program. 1.5077 0.02319 908 555 245 108
72 It's not the first gate he's missed. 1.5071 0.02059 1195 742 300 153
73 Yes: a laudable effort, but we keep sending him back to Hell anyway. 1.5059 0.02312 931 575 241 115
74 He'll be here soon. 1.5047 0.02355 856 520 240 96
75 We have pickleball too. 1.5037 0.02154 1090 680 271 139
76 Yeah, Betty White pretty much does whatever she wants around here. 1.5035 0.02290 1140 764 178 198
77 And you’ll never have to wait for a ski lift again… 1.5023 0.02344 884 544 236 104
78 This has been happening ever since hell froze over. 1.5004 0.02194 1135 735 232 168
79 He’s gotten much better at avoiding trees since he arrived up here. 1.5000 0.02370 846 518 233 95
80 I guess Hell finally did freeze over. 1.4974 0.03675 378 239 90 49
81 Damned atheist! 1.4951 0.02556 818 529 173 116
82 Welcome to après-life. 1.4950 0.02355 1002 659 190 153
83 Skiers, sure. But never a snowboarder. 1.4917 0.02929 539 331 151 57
84 Those Giant Slalom skiers are always getting the gates mixed up! 1.4899 0.02726 592 358 178 56
85 Well, now you know. On the seventh day, He skis. 1.4894 0.02489 895 593 166 136
86 Most people die on this side of the gate. 1.4894 0.02731 705 457 151 97
87 Things were much worse when we were near an airport. 1.4890 0.02602 730 462 179 89
88 We ask all our guests to take a leap of faith 1.4887 0.02320 929 591 222 116
89 I guess hell froze over” 1.4842 0.02498 855 562 172 121
90 ‘“Someone’s always trying to avoid Judgment Day.” 1.4821 0.02585 728 463 179 86
91 Ah, the Big Guy is getting back from vacation. 1.4819 0.02488 857 564 173 120
92 That run is called Heaven’s Gate 1.4810 0.02529 788 509 179 100
93 The rules are slightly different in the Olympic years. 1.4794 0.02607 680 426 182 72
94 It's his last run. 1.4791 0.02557 716 451 187 78
95 No, sorry. To have access to the resort you need to buy Heaven+ 1.4785 0.02587 790 522 158 110
96 Drama queen incoming 1.4780 0.02816 615 394 148 73
97 He's way overdressed for where he's headed. 1.4752 0.02512 808 529 174 105
98 He should be joining you in line shortly. 1.4746 0.02556 769 501 171 97
99 He always misses the gates. 1.4744 0.02601 702 448 175 79
100 He's here on an athletic scholarship. 1.4740 0.02499 787 509 183 95
101 Jumping the line is a mortal sin. 1.4725 0.02667 673 432 164 77
102 Ah, the prodigal son returns; just in time for dinner. 1.4704 0.02682 642 408 166 68
103 I was hoping global warming would put a stop to this. 1.4704 0.02789 591 375 154 62
104 Before you enter, we ask that you sign this waiver acknowledging that Heaven is not responsible for any injuries sustained while participating in our various activities... 1.4699 0.02937 515 323 142 50
105 I know, I know...they believe they've skipped the line, but we decide where they land. 1.4697 0.02589 726 471 169 86
106 We have all sports here; except golf—that’s downstairs. 1.4690 0.02808 710 487 113 110
107 He won't need that scarf where he's going. 1.4683 0.02635 709 463 160 86
108 Fear not. We have badminton. 1.4679 0.02681 624 394 168 62
109 We've been having this problem ever since Hell froze over. 1.4672 0.02722 717 483 133 101
110 Gravity hits you a little differently up here 1.4668 0.02843 512 315 155 42
111 You can ski in but you can't ski out. 1.4663 0.02558 712 457 178 77
112 She got the season pass. 1.4658 0.02952 541 349 132 60
113 Next time get the all-access lift pass - it comes with Pearly Gates Pre-Check. 1.4651 0.02954 501 315 139 47
114 He never skated through life either. 1.4636 0.03003 453 279 138 36
115 He has been to the mountaintop. 1.4615 0.02521 676 425 190 61
116 God alps those who alp themselves. 1.4611 0.03092 488 316 119 53
117 He missed the final gate! 1.4602 0.02645 691 454 156 81
118 That feeling when you get the Wordle in one try… 1.4590 0.02994 536 352 122 62
119 No worries. He’ll be disqualified for missing a gate. 1.4578 0.02683 664 436 152 76
120 Well, it looks like Hell finally froze over. 1.4576 0.02970 590 400 110 80
121 We ran out of wings 1.4567 0.02685 646 421 155 70
122 Heaven. No lift lines and powder every day. 1.4562 0.02772 662 446 130 86
123 He's dressed way too hot for where he's going when they catch him. 1.4556 0.02793 586 380 145 61
124 Apparently we had an auto correct issue with “shalom” to “slalom”. 1.4552 0.03997 290 189 70 31
125 Why yes, everyone does get to choose what his or her version of heaven looks like! 1.4551 0.02728 602 388 154 60
126 Wings are just one of several options. 1.4550 0.02751 622 408 145 69
127 There’s a catch; the hang time is eternal. 1.4549 0.02747 587 377 153 57
128 At least all the golfers are in hell. 1.4534 0.03245 494 337 90 67
129 Wrong kind of lift ticket. 1.4531 0.03149 426 270 119 37
130 If she sticks the landing she’s in. 1.4522 0.02650 617 395 165 57
131 I'm afraid there's no snow where he's going. 1.4516 0.02702 671 449 141 81
132 For some it’s a slalom occasion. 1.4516 0.02831 609 407 129 73
133 That method of entry is outlined in one of the more obscure books of the Old Testament. 1.4508 0.02987 508 331 125 52
134 These winter sports enthusiasts, tbey’re always searching for a higher powder. 1.4502 0.02860 622 423 118 81
135 Yes, there are alternate routes. 1.4492 0.02571 630 400 177 53
136 Heaven hasn't been the same since Vail bought it 1.4491 0.02856 599 402 125 72
137 And there goes King Slalomon. 1.4486 0.02749 622 412 141 69
138 That landing will be hell. 1.4484 0.02855 591 395 127 69
139 Don’t mind him. He's just Norwegian. 1.4475 0.02765 552 353 151 48
140 He doesn't know it, but this is his last run 1.4463 0.03031 540 366 107 67
141 That's nothing. You should see him on water. 1.4458 0.03042 489 321 118 50
142 Some of us did not die from natural causes. 1.4457 0.02594 635 409 169 57
143 Yes,but our usual policy is to wait for all members of your party to arrive. 1.4449 0.02892 508 327 136 45
144 He says he’s going to ski as much as possible before his wife gets here. 1.4447 0.03194 488 332 95 61
145 Yep, he walks on water; skis if it's frozen. 1.4446 0.03024 560 385 101 74
146 Yes, unfortunately it's all downhill from here... 1.4427 0.02782 585 386 139 60
147 Yeah, pretty much all the Norwegians get straight in. 1.4423 0.03316 477 332 79 66
148 God only knows if he’ll stick the landing 1.4417 0.02801 600 402 131 67
149 He has no problems with the red and blue gates but keeps missing the Pearly ones. 1.4408 0.03144 490 332 100 58
150 Skis on air, walks on water, always something with that guy 1.4406 0.03108 522 359 96 67
151 Up here it’s not exactly death defying. 1.4404 0.02983 554 378 108 68
152 The wall was a stupid idea. 1.4395 0.03153 471 316 103 52
153 Let's just say he didn’t stick the landing. 1.4393 0.03292 412 272 99 41
154 Don't mind him. He has a season's pass. 1.4393 0.02945 535 358 119 58
155 He thought he could beat the avalanche! 1.4392 0.03404 378 248 94 36
156 Some never earn wings. 1.4389 0.02923 606 422 102 82
157 There's not much snow where that downhill ends. 1.4386 0.03156 440 289 109 42
158 "He's trying to earn his wings." 1.4386 0.03012 456 294 124 38
159 The conditions are Heavenly. 1.4383 0.02818 543 355 138 50
160 Spoiler alert. He doesn't stick the landing. 1.4374 0.02839 583 393 125 65
161 Not to worry..where he's going there's no snow. 1.4370 0.03155 476 322 100 54
162 Hell must have frozen over 1.4356 0.03038 489 326 113 50
163 She bought a chairlift to heaven. 1.4351 0.03195 416 272 107 37
164 Yes, the Caption Contests are getting more difficult. 1.4348 0.03289 506 362 68 76
165 Looks like good form, but who am I to judge? 1.4346 0.02867 520 341 132 47
166 Not everyone dies in their sleep. 1.4344 0.02986 488 322 120 46
167 Apparently, hell has finally frozen over. 1.4344 0.03349 442 305 82 55
168 This is what happens when people realize they can't die in heaven. 1.4343 0.02937 548 372 114 62
169 He's been missing gates his entire life. 1.4330 0.03021 522 356 106 60
170 Conditions are heavenly. But until you earn your wings, there’s still lift lines. 1.4330 0.02845 522 342 134 46
171 He died with his boots on. 1.4322 0.03130 472 319 102 51
172 Norway has its own entrance 1.4320 0.03046 493 332 109 52
173 Ever since hell froze over, this has been a problem." 1.4297 0.03105 519 362 91 66
174 Don’t worry, he’ll be right behind you when he lands. 1.4293 0.03265 403 267 99 37
175 You've never seen a snow angel? 1.4286 0.03118 483 330 99 54
176 That’s one way to jump the line. 1.4286 0.03153 413 270 109 34
177 Wow. Now that's something. They said he had a snowball's chance in he** of getting in here! 1.4286 0.03138 455 306 103 46
178 He hit a tree but doesn’t know it yet. 1.4283 0.03161 488 338 91 59
179 That's St. Slalomon. 1.4277 0.03068 505 347 100 58
180 Not everyone takes the stairway. 1.4274 0.03048 489 331 107 51
181 One gold medal and he thinks he's god. 1.4274 0.03089 468 315 106 47
182 You have a choice. Skis or wings? 1.4258 0.03137 458 310 101 47
183 That’s God. He was telling it on the mountain 1.4256 0.03514 390 270 74 46
184 Typical, skiers go around the gates, not through them. 1.4248 0.03306 379 250 97 32
185 Well, he had a good run. 1.4247 0.02995 485 325 114 46
186 The 'agony of defeat' guy just can't let it go. 1.4247 0.03505 365 247 81 37
187 Oh that’s just God. He thinks he’s Jean-Claude Killy. 1.4237 0.03101 465 315 103 47
188 Unfortunately he missed the Gates on both runs 1.4235 0.03158 477 330 92 55
189 He didn't stick the landing. 1.4231 0.03217 468 326 86 56
190 It's his leap of faith! 1.4231 0.03023 494 336 107 51
191 Looks like hell froze over today 1.4231 0.03313 416 284 88 44
192 The runs are amazing but the lift lines are hell! 1.4229 0.03171 454 310 96 48
193 Trust me, you'd rather be cold than hot. 1.4223 0.02893 502 334 124 44
194 He said one final run. 1.4221 0.03066 443 294 111 38
195 I greeted him with, Shalom. I believe he misunderstood. 1.4209 0.03404 392 268 83 41
196 He’ll be joining us shortly. 1.4208 0.03087 442 295 108 39
197 Oh, that's just a snow angel. 1.4208 0.03311 404 274 90 40
198 He'll be over dressed where he's headed 1.4206 0.03110 466 318 100 48
199 People got tired of the walking on water so he's trying something new. 1.4205 0.03144 459 314 97 48
200 I believe he's going to miss this last gate. 1.4198 0.03071 455 306 107 42
201 Now that his death is behind him, he’s become a risk taking badass. 1.4198 0.03044 486 332 104 50
202 Heaven, it’s all downhill from here. 1.4193 0.02999 477 321 112 44
203 He's flying like a bat out of Hell! 1.4191 0.03249 408 275 95 38
204 Sigh. That’s just Elon Musk’s latest attempt to get in. 1.4189 0.03450 413 291 71 51
205 We definitely need to build a higher wall. 1.4186 0.04874 172 114 44 14
206 That's one of the options for our Platinum Club members. 1.4185 0.03049 466 315 107 44
207 Simply walking on water has lost its appeal over the years. 1.4182 0.03210 440 302 92 46
208 He doesn't understand it's shalom, not slalom. 1.4174 0.03280 436 303 84 49
209 Looks like Lucifer doesn't want skiers either. 1.4173 0.03339 417 289 82 46
210 Sometimes they skip the hospital and come here directly. 1.4169 0.03349 391 266 87 38
211 At some point he will figure out that he didn’t outrun the avalanche. 1.4165 0.03309 425 295 83 47
212 Godspeed. 1.4136 0.03323 428 300 79 49
213 They've been getting in ever since it froze over. 1.4125 0.03248 417 286 90 41
214 It's okay, His Dad owns this place. 1.4118 0.03684 357 253 61 43
215 He's here for the powder and the glory. 1.4116 0.03253 413 283 90 40
216 Ah yes, the dearly soon-to-be departed. 1.4115 0.03228 401 271 95 35
217 For those who don’t ski we have a pickleball option. 1.4115 0.03415 401 281 75 45
218 Of course there aren't any snowboarders. This is Heaven. 1.4115 0.03508 384 270 70 44
219 Shabbat Slalom! 1.4113 0.03448 372 256 79 37
220 Some people get the fast pass. 1.4112 0.03016 445 298 111 36
221 And of course some enter having fun. We call them sinners. 1.4107 0.03416 392 273 77 42
222 I said SHAlom! 1.4099 0.03455 383 267 75 41
223 Must be Norwegian 1.4097 0.03708 288 192 74 22
224 Aspen is heaven for some, but the less said about that, the better. 1.4096 0.03470 332 222 84 26
225 Shalom Slalom 1.4095 0.03265 420 291 86 43
226 This will be his final gate. 1.4092 0.03100 391 257 108 26
227 Someone from Vail ... that's a first. 1.4091 0.03293 418 291 83 44
228 Jesus Christ, slow down!! 1.4087 0.03647 367 262 60 45
229 I told them this border wall would never work. 1.4086 0.03283 443 314 77 52
230 We ran out of wings, I'm afraid 1.4077 0.03155 417 283 98 36
231 Actually, that's his tragically overlooked brother, Good Knievel. 1.4073 0.03512 383 271 68 44
232 Not all angels have their wings... 1.4073 0.03375 356 240 87 29
233 Don't worry, there's no snow where he's going. 1.4070 0.03394 398 279 76 43
234 Walking on water just wasn't doing it for him anymore. 1.4068 0.03391 413 293 72 48
235 Now approaching his final gate without a helmet. 1.4066 0.03345 364 246 88 30
236 He'll be checking in later today. 1.4066 0.03322 364 245 90 29
237 Let’s see what the judges say. 1.4052 0.03011 427 285 111 31
238 You once could buy indulgences but now they sell season passes. 1.4046 0.03547 351 244 72 35
239 No helmet. He'll be here shortly. 1.4034 0.03516 352 244 74 34
240 And to think all this time we thought it was “Shalom?” 1.4033 0.03476 367 256 74 37
241 That's St. Sven, the patron saint of ski jumpers. 1.4031 0.03304 387 266 86 35
242 No, he's not getting special treatment, just a really big surprise when he lands. 1.4031 0.03570 325 222 75 28
243 He'll be joining you shortly. 1.4030 0.03311 402 280 82 40
244 There's goes another hurtling towards the Après-life. 1.4029 0.03169 407 277 96 34
245 I'm afraid he's going to miss this gate. 1.4020 0.03248 403 278 88 37
246 He missed another gate! 1.4019 0.03210 413 285 90 38
247 Not to worry! He’ll be next in line in just a moment! 1.4019 0.03135 413 281 98 34
248 He's fine. It's the snowboarders who go to Hell." 1.4015 0.03365 411 292 73 46
249 Will he be surprised! There’s no place to land! 1.4014 0.03111 421 287 99 35
250 Yeah, I’ll be checking him in later today. 1.4011 0.03545 354 248 70 36
251 No worries! She's in the book. 1.4011 0.03286 369 250 90 29
252 You might want to look away. This doesn't end well. 1.4010 0.03271 389 267 88 34
253 Many residents complained about a boring, sedentary after-lifestyle. 1.4005 0.03040 397 263 109 25
254 Jesus Christ!! 1.4000 0.03615 365 262 60 43
255 Looks like a new snow angel has just arrived. 1.4000 0.03453 370 259 74 37
256 Not unless you prayed for lift tickets. 1.3995 0.03399 378 264 77 37
257 It is called a leap of faith. 1.3994 0.03566 363 258 65 40
258 Ah yes, He can also turn water into powder. 1.3994 0.03731 333 237 59 37
259 Is there an express line I didn't know about? 1.3986 0.03165 424 294 91 39
260 Normally they arrive _after_ they break their necks. 1.3983 0.03451 354 245 77 32
261 Hell has the summer sports. 1.3978 0.03536 367 261 66 40
262 This happens when they type "Heavenly Valley" into their GPS. 1.3978 0.03521 357 251 70 36
263 That’s nothing. You should have seen the pole vaulter. 1.3971 0.03478 340 234 77 29
264 Jesus can't meet with you right now, he's...uh...busy. 1.3969 0.03373 388 273 76 39
265 Yeah, things are going downhill up here, too. 1.3961 0.03458 356 248 75 33
266 Shalom, slalom, whatever. 1.3956 0.03649 321 224 67 30
267 He took a leap of faith. 1.3955 0.03414 359 249 78 32
268 It's another skier from Lake Tahoe...Heavenly Resort must be sold out.. 1.3955 0.03474 311 209 81 21
269 Looks like he missed a gate. 1.3952 0.03211 377 256 93 28
270 Sure it's faster to get in but then you need to walk around in ski boots for eternity. 1.3951 0.03829 324 234 52 38
271 Every time a bell rings, an angel gets his skis. 1.3950 0.03540 357 253 67 37
272 I guess we forgot to tell you what to wear. 1.3950 0.03381 357 246 81 30
273 I keep telling Him He doesn't really need the skis 1.3949 0.03595 314 216 72 26
274 Looks like he’s going to miss another gate! 1.3947 0.03461 342 236 77 29
275 Looks like they may have made the Olympic ski jump ramp a little bit too high this year.. 1.3943 0.03429 350 242 78 30
276 Yes, but even Heaven is a slippery slope 1.3943 0.03452 350 243 76 31
277 ‘Saint Moritz’ 1.3939 0.03532 358 254 67 37
278 Happens every time hell freezes over 1.3933 0.03642 328 231 65 32
279 Joe is in the express lane. You know, ten or fewer sins. 1.3930 0.03741 313 221 61 31
280 He'll be penalized for missing the last gate. 1.3928 0.03228 415 292 83 40
281 Don't worry. That's just a downhell skier. 1.3926 0.03698 298 206 67 25
282 If he thought this line was bad, wait until he sees the one to meet Jesus 1.3918 0.03632 291 198 72 21
283 It finally froze over. 1.3917 0.03538 360 257 65 38
284 Heads up the boss is back from Vail. 1.3914 0.03567 350 249 65 36
285 Not everyone gets wings. 1.3908 0.03342 348 238 84 26
286 There is a special place for people who think they can successfully jump the line here. 1.3907 0.03516 366 262 65 39
287 He has a snowball's chance. 1.3906 0.03488 320 219 77 24
288 God decided to give the 'agony of defeat' guy one more chance. 1.3906 0.03442 361 254 73 34
289 What.....You thought He'd just be sitting around on His throne all day? 1.3894 0.03799 303 215 58 30
290 It's ok. We have been expecting him. 1.3892 0.03457 352 247 73 32
291 Only if he sticks the landing. 1.3892 0.03205 388 268 89 31
292 Unlike our competitor, here we do offer the occasional cold day just for additional perks and activities. 1.3891 0.04083 239 165 55 19
293 At least the avalanche didn’t kill his spirit. 1.3890 0.03445 347 242 75 30
294 Wait til he sees where he’s really headed. 1.3886 0.03518 350 248 68 34
295 He's tried it before but he's always sent back to the starting gate. 1.3886 0.03371 332 226 83 23
296 That was his first, and last, ski jump. 1.3882 0.03713 322 230 59 33
297 Calling these ‘gates’ does create some confusion. 1.3880 0.03702 317 225 61 31
298 He doesn't have a prayer. 1.3878 0.03518 312 214 75 23
299 And finally, your boots will fit perfectly. 1.3870 0.03930 292 210 51 31
300 Oh he will not need the scarf where he’s going. 1.3866 0.03365 344 237 81 26
301 Not only did he miss the gate, he’s way overdressed for where he’s going. 1.3865 0.03703 326 234 58 34
302 Kissinger. That's his fourth try this week. 1.3864 0.03647 339 244 59 36
303 I was hoping to spend eternity in sunny 82 degree weather. 1.3862 0.03191 347 233 94 20
304 The first time Earl rented his gear from Skis to the Kingdom would be the last time. 1.3861 0.03649 303 211 67 25
305 Apparently there is more than one way to pass judgement." 1.3858 0.03386 337 232 80 25
306 We all miss the wings. 1.3853 0.03590 340 243 63 34
307 Warm weather sports are in the other place. 1.3853 0.03467 340 238 73 29
308 Oh dear… looks like hell finally froze over. 1.3851 0.03889 296 213 52 31
309 Jesus, that guy is fast. 1.3851 0.03604 322 227 66 29
310 The only reason he would leave Heaven is if Hell freezes over. 1.3846 0.03499 325 226 73 26
311 He doesn't know it yet, but he's on his last run. 1.3839 0.03495 336 236 71 29
312 He got in on a sports scholarship. 1.3831 0.03522 355 255 64 36
313 I see he’s still not wearing a helmet. 1.3827 0.03559 324 228 68 28
314 He missed the gate. 1.3827 0.03340 358 250 79 29
315 There is only one way... Excuse me. There are only two ways to get into heaven. 1.3826 0.03897 298 216 50 32
316 I guess that’s easier than going through the eye of a needle. 1.3824 0.03176 340 228 94 18
317 'The father, the son, the powder and the glory' 1.3817 0.03473 317 219 75 23
318 Huh, who knew building a wall wouldn’t keep people out? 1.3810 0.03517 336 238 68 30
319 Impressive, but easier than a camel going through the eye of a needle.” 1.3808 0.03840 260 180 61 19
320 I wish they’d do away with legacy admissions. 1.3799 0.03855 308 225 49 34
321 Odd. They usually arrive with bits of the tree still clinging to them. 1.3794 0.03827 311 227 50 34
322 Just one last run, he said. 1.3793 0.03820 290 207 56 27
323 It's one way to get into Heaven, but the landing is hell. 1.3792 0.03864 298 216 51 31
324 In about 15 seconds he’s about to realize that just because it’s fluffy and white, doesn’t mean it’s snow. 1.3787 0.03535 301 208 72 21
325 Fools rush in… 1.3786 0.03681 280 194 66 20
326 We still have to exercise? 1.3785 0.03719 317 229 56 32
327 You guys were snowboarders, so we're still deciding. 1.3782 0.03798 275 193 60 22
328 Him? No, he actually died doing what he hated. He picked up the skiing here. 1.3781 0.03854 283 202 55 26
329 We have the same problem with pole vaulters every summer. 1.3776 0.03447 331 232 73 26
330 Him? He has Pre Check. 1.3775 0.03425 355 253 70 32
331 In case you're wondering, he's an Eternity Pass holder. 1.3772 0.03858 289 208 53 28
332 „Organ donors get VIP Check in“ 1.3772 0.03858 289 208 53 28
333 Perfect powder, every day. 1.3771 0.03691 297 210 62 25
334 I'm not quite sure, but I think Hell has frozen over. 1.3770 0.03739 305 219 57 29
335 He got bored with walking on water. 1.3763 0.03813 287 205 56 26
336 We gotta have that loophole fixed 1.3762 0.03601 311 220 65 26
337 Jesus Christ, he's such a show-off. 1.3762 0.03686 311 223 59 29
338 He’s got TSA PreCheck. 1.3761 0.03581 327 234 63 30
339 He'll be in line with you soon 1.3761 0.03520 335 239 66 30
340 Every Grand Canyon jump ends this way 1.3758 0.03505 330 234 68 28
341 Season pass, then back to eternal damnation 1.3754 0.03701 325 237 54 34
342 Admittedly, admission rates are low but the good news is that it’s all downhill from here. 1.3754 0.03374 341 239 76 26
343 That’s quite a leap of faith. 1.3750 0.03814 280 199 57 24
344 He’s checking in later today. 1.3750 0.03635 296 208 65 23
345 Oh dear. Looks like hell has frozen over again. 1.3746 0.03759 315 230 52 33
346 Welcome to the après-ski." 1.3746 0.03609 299 210 66 23
347 That’s the Owner’s Son. 1.3743 0.03626 334 243 57 34
348 He didn't want any more gold, frankincense, or myrrh, so this year, we all chipped in and got Him skis for His birthday. 1.3742 0.03625 318 228 61 29
349 His wings are in the shop. 1.3741 0.03587 294 205 68 21
350 We're a ski in, no ski out facility. 1.3741 0.03656 286 200 65 21
351 Missing a gate is what got him here. 1.3738 0.03707 305 219 58 28
352 We allow skiing on Cloud 9 1.3737 0.03803 281 200 57 24
353 Good news, he set a new record. Bad news, I'll be seeing him here soon. 1.3735 0.03355 332 231 78 23
354 He can’t see the tree either. 1.3735 0.03409 332 233 74 25
355 Too bad. Missing a gate is an automatic disqualification. 1.3735 0.03629 324 234 59 31
356 We're looking into more border control. 1.3734 0.03651 308 220 61 27
357 He's a really big donor. 1.3723 0.03857 282 203 53 26
358 Yeah that’s how most of our Unitarians get in. 1.3720 0.04016 250 178 51 21
359 It's one way in, but the landing is Hell. 1.3719 0.03795 285 204 56 25
360 Yeah, folks are getting creative since we raised the bar. 1.3718 0.03500 312 219 70 23
361 That was not a ski instructor: That was God. He just thinks he is a ski instructor. 1.3718 0.04297 234 170 41 23
362 He loves the après-life. 1.3716 0.03567 296 207 68 21
363 Yes, now that Mount Sinai is open to tourists. 1.3715 0.03473 323 228 70 25
364 He's skiing like there's snow tomorrow. 1.3714 0.03619 315 226 61 28
365 I'll be glad when he goes back to just walking on water. 1.3711 0.03893 291 213 48 30
366 Apparently, hell HAS frozen over. 1.3709 0.03730 302 218 56 28
367 Oh, him? He's headed to a different place—the après-life. 1.3709 0.03579 302 213 66 23
368 Snowboarders, of course, go straight to hell. 1.3705 0.03759 278 197 59 22
369 Powder heaven! 1.3705 0.03690 278 195 63 20
370 Some people come in the way they went out. 1.3705 0.03703 305 220 57 28
371 Hope skis eternal. 1.3704 0.04013 270 197 46 27
372 Legacy. 1.3702 0.03881 289 211 49 29
373 Don't tell me even Hell is freezing over! 1.3700 0.03717 300 216 57 27
374 How snow angels are actually made. 1.3699 0.03696 292 208 60 24
375 Another one trying to jump the line. 1.3696 0.03365 322 224 77 21
376 The powder is heavenly. 1.3695 0.03860 249 174 58 17
377 There’s another one that thinks he’s above the law 1.3693 0.03900 287 210 48 29
378 They can come and go as they like, but snowboarders go straight to Hell. 1.3692 0.03949 279 204 47 28
379 Yeah, we get a lot of new arrivals on the first day the ski jump opens. 1.3688 0.03766 301 219 53 29
380 Don’t mind him. He keeps confusing shalom and slalom. 1.3686 0.03717 293 210 58 25
381 It's the thrill of victory - although he didn't realize it at the time. 1.3684 0.03658 285 201 63 21
382 Mandatory Disqualification: Missed the Gate 1.3679 0.03723 299 216 56 27
383 Don’t worry, he’ll be DQ’d for missing the gate. 1.3675 0.03544 302 213 67 22
384 He’ll be arriving momentarily 1.3672 0.03702 256 177 64 15
385 It's all downhill from here. 1.3671 0.03714 286 204 59 23
386 It's an athiest. We're having a border crisis, too. 1.3671 0.03907 286 210 47 29
387 He's got his gates mixed up. 1.3670 0.03648 297 212 61 24
388 That's the double black diamond shortcut to getting in. 1.3670 0.03617 297 211 63 23
389 I meant shalom, not slalom! 1.3669 0.03755 278 198 58 22
390 That’s Carl. He has a season pass. 1.3662 0.03798 284 205 54 25
391 Evel Knievel got in on a motorcycle. 1.3659 0.03430 287 197 75 15
392 Those are our snow angels. 1.3659 0.03535 287 200 69 18
393 The skiing here is to die for. 1.3658 0.03969 257 185 50 22
394 Looks like Hell has finally frozen over. 1.3655 0.03835 290 212 50 28
395 No worries. It’s just a video saved to the cloud. 1.3654 0.04191 260 194 37 29
396 If you get in, there's no wait for lift tickets. 1.3652 0.03681 282 200 61 21
397 If he lands this I’ll let him stay. 1.3652 0.03681 293 210 59 24
398 Oh, God has a black-diamond run. We're not all just harps and demon fighting. 1.3650 0.03826 274 197 54 23
399 You don’t get wings right away. There’re some intermediary steps. 1.3645 0.03597 299 213 63 23
400 It hasn't been the same since hell froze over. 1.3645 0.03689 299 216 57 26
401 Yeah, well, standby for the agony of defeat. 1.3644 0.03937 225 156 56 13
402 Oh, that's Stephen Hawking. I swear he hasn't slowed down since he arrived. 1.3644 0.04412 225 166 36 23
403 Why does that guy get to keep his pants? 1.3643 0.03879 258 184 54 20
404 Heaven had terrific snow this year 1.3643 0.03733 280 200 58 22
405 As you can understand, it's been tough to fix the border. 1.3640 0.03730 261 183 61 17
406 I guess Hell finally froze over. 1.3640 0.03738 283 203 57 23
407 Oh, that's just DoorDash. 1.3636 0.03928 242 171 54 17
408 For thine is the kingdom and the powder and the glory 1.3633 0.03515 289 202 69 18
409 Happens every time there's a cold day in Hell. 1.3633 0.03649 289 206 61 22
410 Legacy admission. 1.3627 0.03629 295 211 61 23
411 We also have badminton and shuffle board. 1.3626 0.03653 273 192 63 18
412 What? Oh, that's just one of the snow angels. 1.3621 0.04043 232 165 50 17
413 Don’t worry, all the snowboarders are in hell. 1.3620 0.03908 279 205 47 27
414 Thanks to climate change, we're the last viable host for the Winter Games. 1.3618 0.04402 246 187 29 30
415 You thought I said KEYS to heaven? 1.3615 0.04005 260 190 46 24
416 This skier has a snowball's chance in hell. 1.3612 0.03958 227 159 54 14
417 He started out as a snow angel. 1.3610 0.03979 241 172 51 18
418 Nice try. The next turn goes straight to Hell. 1.3609 0.03903 266 193 50 23
419 Looks like hell has frozen over 1.3609 0.03792 266 190 56 20
420 The Norwegians have their own gate. 1.3608 0.03661 291 209 59 23
421 There’s always somebody trying to jump the line. 1.3607 0.03843 219 150 59 10
422 He insists on reliving his final moment. 1.3607 0.03830 280 204 51 25
423 Up here we're big on winter sports; if you prefer a hot climate there are other options. 1.3607 0.04071 244 177 46 21
424 As you can see, we have a wide variety of activities. 1.3607 0.03542 305 218 64 23
425 Don't worry. Wings are better. 1.3602 0.03992 211 146 54 11
426 Must be a snow angel. 1.3602 0.03880 261 188 52 21
427 Platinum card member. 1.3600 0.03471 325 234 65 26
428 Uh oh, looks like Hell froze over again. 1.3600 0.03960 250 180 50 20
429 Yet another angel earned his skis! 1.3596 0.03553 292 207 65 20
430 Finally , Hell froze over! 1.3596 0.03715 292 212 55 25
431 As a gated community we offer a surprising range of pastimes 1.3594 0.04332 217 158 40 19
432 Hang tight! It looks like we’re waiting for one more. 1.3594 0.03751 281 203 55 23
433 It was either this, or Beijing again. 1.3592 0.03974 245 176 50 19
434 He’s going for glory. 1.3590 0.04034 273 204 40 29
435 He too shall be judged on his righteousness, his compassion, and, of course, whether he sticks the landing. 1.3589 0.03526 287 202 67 18
436 Snowboarding is only in purgatory. 1.3588 0.03634 301 218 58 25
437 What can I tell you? Border walls never work, God knows. 1.3588 0.03979 262 192 46 24
438 What can I say... There's always a loophole 1.3586 0.03795 290 213 50 27
439 Well of course we have activities ,it’s not all harps and clouds here! 1.3585 0.03684 265 187 61 17
440 We do, occasionally, get flyovers. 1.3582 0.03531 282 198 67 17
441 He's overshot. He'll land in Limbo. 1.3579 0.03847 271 197 51 23
442 He paid a little more and bought a "Fast Pass" online... 1.3579 0.03525 299 213 65 21
443 It's true. Skiing is the best way to get to heaven. 1.3574 0.03843 249 177 55 17
444 Occasionally we have crash landings, but I assure you, he's dead. 1.3571 0.03723 280 202 56 22
445 Talk about jumping the line. 1.3571 0.03483 308 220 66 22
446 Yup, that's Him. Unlike us working stiffs, he does what he likes whenever he likes. 1.3569 0.03720 269 192 58 19
447 I guess ‘when the hill freezes over’ wasn’t a typo after all 1.3566 0.03734 286 208 54 24
448 That’s the Boss’ son…or the Boss. It’s easy to mix them up. You get used to it. Any OTHER questions? Really? 1.3566 0.04903 143 100 35 8
449 That’s Moses, he recently discovered extreme sports. 1.3566 0.03835 272 198 51 23
450 His parents are big donors 1.3566 0.03829 258 185 54 19
451 Fucking Millenials 1.3566 0.04188 244 181 39 24
452 The descent is hell! 1.3564 0.03363 303 212 74 17
453 I guess it froze over…. 1.3563 0.03950 261 191 47 23
454 That's why we're building a wall, and Satan's going to pay for it. 1.3559 0.03847 281 207 48 26
455 Hell froze over. 1.3557 0.03798 253 180 56 17
456 Welcome to the apres life 1.3557 0.03960 253 184 48 21
457 Amazon Same-Day Deliverance. 1.3552 0.03970 259 190 46 23
458 He'll be joining you in a second. 1.3547 0.03717 265 189 58 18
459 Walk on water, fly on skis, water into wine... Jesus is such a show-off. 1.3547 0.04098 234 170 45 19
460 Atheists have all the fun. 1.3545 0.04282 220 161 40 19
461 Coloradan. Texas angels go to a shooting range. 1.3545 0.03980 268 199 43 26
462 Oh, yeah, we froze over too. 1.3544 0.03707 285 207 55 23
463 Let’s just say there’s no snow where he’s landing. 1.3543 0.03947 254 185 48 21
464 That's the express lane for folks who don't wear helmets. 1.3542 0.03912 271 200 46 25
465 The eternal ski package is extra..interested? 1.3542 0.03734 271 195 56 20
466 Hmm . . . We weren’t expecting him until next Tuesday. 1.3537 0.03783 246 174 57 15
467 Interesting fellow. You'll have a chance to meet him in a few minutes. 1.3532 0.04046 252 186 43 23
468 Yes, it’s his idea of heaven. 1.3532 0.03714 269 193 57 19
469 I know, he's not the first one. I'd sue them all for trespassing, but where will I find a lawyer here? 1.3529 0.04463 238 183 26 29
470 And on Thursdays we have archery. 1.3529 0.04017 221 157 50 14
471 It's a double black diamond run and his weight is on the wrong ski. But we are giving him another 30 seconds to enjoy before he hits that tree. 1.3525 0.03753 261 187 56 18
472 Unlike the alternative destination, it snows here. 1.3525 0.03831 261 189 52 20
473 Yes, skiing is allowed. Pickleball, no. 1.3524 0.04137 227 165 44 18
474 He hit the same tree as you three did, but he brought his equipment with him. 1.3523 0.03800 264 191 53 20
475 He got tired of walking on water. 1.3522 0.03941 247 179 49 19
476 I agree in principle, but his parents did pay for refurbishment of the pearly gates. 1.3521 0.03769 267 193 54 20
477 Well, he obviously missed a gate. 1.3518 0.03792 253 181 55 17
478 X Games have been great for business. 1.3517 0.03592 290 209 60 21
479 For some, Heaven can't wait. 1.3516 0.03637 256 180 62 14
480 I'm afraid he missed the most important gate. 1.3512 0.03953 242 175 49 18
481 That's the boss' son. 1.3512 0.03996 242 176 47 19
482 No, he's not in yet. Depends if he sticks the landing. 1.3511 0.03813 225 157 57 11
483 Jesus, he's good. 1.3511 0.04208 225 165 41 19
484 Actually, quite a few enter that way. 1.3509 0.04075 228 165 46 17
485 A Black Diamond entry. Looks easy, but very difficult. 1.3508 0.03625 248 173 63 12
486 When he lands, he’ll be making snow angels. 1.3508 0.04561 191 140 35 16
487 We see that occasionally. He missed the last gate. 1.3507 0.03795 268 195 52 21
488 Hell has frozen over. 1.3504 0.04019 254 188 43 23
489 He came up on the gondola. How did you get here? 1.3504 0.03626 274 196 60 18
490 It’s only downhill from here 1.3502 0.03635 277 199 59 19
491 Yes, alpine only. All snowboarders are sent to the ‘other place.’ 1.3500 0.04177 220 160 43 17
492 Coming in on a wing and a prayer. 1.3500 0.04127 220 159 45 16
493 He'll be on line behind you soon. 1.3498 0.03685 283 206 55 22
494 I guess hell DID freeze over. 1.3498 0.04281 223 165 38 20
495 Some people refuse to use the stairway to heaven. 1.3497 0.04506 183 132 38 13
496 I told Him building a wall wouldn’t work… 1.3496 0.03887 266 196 47 23
497 I thought the sign said ‘Shalom’. 1.3494 0.04076 249 185 41 23
498 He’s overdressed for his final destination. 1.3492 0.04001 252 186 44 22
499 Oh, him? He has TSA pre-check. 1.3492 0.03881 252 183 50 19
500 Oh, yeah, we let them in. Snowboarders go to The Other Place. 1.3489 0.03986 235 170 48 17
501 It's his last resort. 1.3482 0.04023 224 161 48 15
502 Points for creativity. 1.3482 0.03871 224 158 54 12
503 he still refuses to wear a helmet. 1.3480 0.03859 250 181 51 18
504 We worried this would happen when hell freezes over 1.3478 0.03950 230 165 50 15
505 No helmet...make room 1.3478 0.04248 207 150 42 15
506 He'd better pray he sticks the landing. 1.3477 0.03755 256 184 55 17
507 The road to heaven is a slippery slope. 1.3475 0.04017 236 172 46 18
508 His last words were “I don’t think I need a lesson.” 1.3472 0.04327 216 160 37 19
509 That’s our no sins express lane 1.3467 0.03908 225 160 52 13
510 And snowboarders, of course, go directly to Hell. 1.3466 0.04088 251 188 39 24
511 He’s not going to like where he lands - it hasn’t frozen over yet. 1.3451 0.04038 255 191 40 24
512 I believe a pray/ski party got confused with "apres ski" party 1.3450 0.04347 200 146 39 15
513 The chief is a big fan of the Winter Olympics 1.3448 0.03969 232 168 48 16
514 He'll be disqualified, a lot of them miss this gate. 1.3443 0.03912 273 205 42 26
515 The Boss is training. If Trump wins again this place will freeze over too. 1.3441 0.03970 247 182 45 20
516 There are many ways to enter the Kingdom of God 1.3439 0.03942 253 187 45 21
517 He'll be with us in a moment. 1.3438 0.04114 224 164 43 17
518 Oh, he made it down the mountain. It’s the late equipment return fees that killed him. 1.3435 0.03920 262 195 44 23
519 Après-vie 1.3435 0.04131 230 170 41 19
520 Would you look at that, another Canadian. 1.3433 0.04269 233 176 34 23
521 Behold, the higher powder. 1.3432 0.03779 236 168 55 13
522 That’s something you don’t see in hell. 1.3430 0.03940 242 177 47 18
523 Just proves a cold day in heaven still beats a cold day in hell. 1.3430 0.04026 242 179 43 20
524 There are no snowboarders here. That's why we call it Heaven. 1.3429 0.04357 210 156 36 18
525 As you can see, entering the Pearly Gates is a Slalom occasion. 1.3427 0.03873 248 181 49 18
526 I’d hate to tell him but it’s all downhill from there. 1.3425 0.04515 219 168 27 24
527 Naturally, few find the final gate... 1.3423 0.03458 260 182 67 11
528 It’s His day off. 1.3420 0.04023 231 169 45 17
529 Ah yes,skiing comes with the Silver package. 1.3418 0.03906 237 172 49 16
530 Dude got righteous air. 1.3418 0.03860 237 171 51 15
531 That is exactly what brought him here. 1.3413 0.04489 208 157 31 20
532 Yeah, he'll be next in line. 1.3412 0.04234 211 155 40 16
533 I told Him building a wall wouldn't make any difference. 1.3412 0.03876 255 188 47 20
534 Oh, he’s a Rewards member. 1.3411 0.04086 214 155 45 14
535 There's always an influx during ski season. 1.3410 0.03940 217 155 50 12
536 When the humor is over your head, it's probably from The New Yorker. 1.3410 0.04590 217 168 24 25
537 It hasn’t hit him yet… 1.3409 0.04322 176 125 42 9
538 He won't need those where he's going. 1.3407 0.03834 226 161 53 12
539 Uhm..climate change is forcing them to practice at increasingly higher levels 1.3407 0.03936 226 163 49 14
540 He's in for one Hell of a Landing 1.3406 0.03949 229 166 48 15
541 Not to worry, you’ll meet him in a moment. 1.3405 0.04054 232 171 43 18
542 He got the Express Pass. 1.3405 0.03961 232 169 47 16
543 He thought I said Shalom. 1.3404 0.04063 235 174 42 19
544 No one’s ever tried to get in thru the no fly zone! 1.3403 0.04026 238 176 43 19
545 He’s on his way to the aprés-life. 1.3403 0.03982 238 175 45 18
546 And the summer games are in the other place. 1.3402 0.03998 244 181 43 20
547 Sorry. There's really nothing apres this. 1.3401 0.03701 294 220 48 26
548 We asked the tourism board to please stop saying their snow was “a little piece of heaven.” 1.3401 0.03476 247 172 66 9
549 This is the only gate he cleared on his last slalom run. 1.3400 0.04220 200 145 42 13
550 Yeah, we get a lot of them that way this time of year. 1.3400 0.03929 250 185 45 20
551 I suppose it really did freeze over. 1.3400 0.04220 200 145 42 13
552 He'll be fine, we're above the tree line. 1.3400 0.03929 250 185 45 20
553 It’s a loophole, but Climate Change should close it shortly. 1.3399 0.04235 203 148 41 14
554 It’s the owner’s son. Got tired of walking on water. 1.3397 0.04366 209 156 35 18
555 Do we categorise that as a leap of faith? 1.3397 0.03877 262 195 45 22
556 That one's going to get his wings sooner than he expected. 1.3395 0.04175 215 158 41 16
557 Yes, but you see, he will never land. 1.3392 0.03769 227 161 55 11
558 Tourists have no respect for the locals. 1.3392 0.04162 227 169 39 19
559 We made a deal with the Devil -- we get the skiers, he gets the skateboarders. 1.3391 0.04077 230 170 42 18
560 Looks easy but the landing’s Hell. 1.3389 0.03923 239 175 47 17
561 We're upgrading amenities for a select few based on their just rewards points 1.3389 0.03878 239 174 49 16
562 Guess he used Self Check-In…! 1.3388 0.03889 242 177 48 17
563 I know, it looks bad. What he doesn't realize is, he never lands... 1.3388 0.04418 183 133 38 12
564 This is actually the only way a rich person can get into Heaven. 1.3388 0.04681 183 137 30 16
565 He used to cut the lift line too. 1.3387 0.04301 186 134 41 11
566 It will be hell if he doesn’t stick the landing. 1.3386 0.04036 251 189 39 23
567 He’s on our fast track! 1.3385 0.03730 257 187 53 17
568 Transcendental leap of faith 1.3385 0.03701 260 189 54 17
569 Proof, I guess, that it's all about what you pray for. 1.3382 0.04160 204 148 43 13
570 ...and we have no lift lines here, either. 1.3380 0.04001 216 156 47 13
571 Mid-flight heart failure while competing in the Oslo "Jump For Jesus" competition. 1.3378 0.04227 222 166 37 19
572 He missed the important gate. 1.3378 0.03992 225 164 46 15
573 You all took the stairs, he took the lift 1.3377 0.04100 228 169 41 18
574 And of course we're proud to feature a wide variety of leisure activities for our residents. 1.3377 0.03956 228 166 47 15
575 Oh good, St Peter is back from his ski trip! 1.3377 0.04193 228 171 37 20
576 He’s next in line, he just doesn’t realize it. 1.3374 0.03843 246 180 49 17
577 Red Bull keeps sending them up here. 1.3370 0.04260 184 132 42 10
578 Surprised? Just wait til you see where they’re hosting the next Summer Olympics! 1.3369 0.04349 187 136 39 12
579 It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to ... hey! 1.3364 0.04388 214 162 32 20
580 It should be noted that missing the gate results in disqualification. 1.3362 0.03990 229 168 45 16
581 Now that's a leap of faith!!! 1.3362 0.04037 229 169 43 17
582 There are no lift lines and no-one ever falls. 1.3362 0.04093 232 173 40 19
583 We have ski angels as well as snow angels. 1.3362 0.03906 232 169 48 15
584 Slalom Aleikum 1.3361 0.03930 238 175 46 17
585 Jump the line, folks and end up down below 1.3358 0.03876 265 199 43 23
586 He's definitely a believer - otherwise he wouldn't have attempted that double black mogul run without a helmet. 1.3357 0.03613 277 203 55 19
587 That's just Jesus taking a day off. 1.3353 0.04699 167 123 32 12
588 I knew there was a stairway, but I don’t remember them installing the ski jump. 1.3350 0.03988 203 145 48 10
589 He’ll be joining us shortly after he realizes that tree is not a snow jump. 1.3349 0.04196 209 154 40 15
590 We now have self check-in. 1.3349 0.03953 215 155 48 12
591 It's his best time but he missed a gate! 1.3348 0.04098 224 166 41 17
592 I told you the season pass was worth it. 1.3348 0.03913 227 165 48 14
593 He hasn't got a snowball's chance. 1.3348 0.04116 230 172 39 19
594 Looks like it finally froze over. 1.3347 0.03996 236 175 43 18
595 HIM, AGAIN!! LAST MONTH HE TRIED TO PARACHUTE INTO HEAVEN! 1.3347 0.03849 245 180 48 17
596 Ignore him. That's just Jesus showing off. 1.3347 0.03943 248 185 43 20
597 It's the opposite of helliskiing. 1.3347 0.03859 248 183 47 18
598 He’s got E-Z Pass. 1.3346 0.03558 266 192 59 15
599 There's no snow where he's headed. 1.3346 0.03570 269 195 58 16
600 He heard a theory Hell is freezing over. We've got a Surprise for him. 1.3333 0.03814 267 200 45 22
601 Angel? No, that's just the billionaire who bought us out. 1.3333 0.04170 222 166 38 18
602 I think he missed a gate. 1.3333 0.03899 228 166 48 14
603 Those everywhere ski passes are great. 1.3333 0.03891 237 174 47 16
604 Everything’s downhill from here 1.3333 0.03857 240 176 48 16
605 People from Utah get to bypass the line. 1.3333 0.03878 234 171 48 15
606 Sorry, buddy; wrong gate. 1.3333 0.03918 213 153 49 11
607 That's Waldo. 1.3333 0.04244 189 137 41 11
608 No helmet! He’ll be here tomorrow. 1.3333 0.04133 201 146 43 12
609 Some joker is always trying to sneak in. 1.3333 0.03960 231 170 45 16
610 It’s true, the powder up here is epic 1.3333 0.04138 213 157 41 15
611 Jesus Christ. He’s being doing that all day. 1.3333 0.04403 195 145 35 15
612 OK, which one of you said you were dying to see the olympics? 1.3320 0.03811 244 179 49 16
613 I said "Sky's the limit!", not Skis. 1.3319 0.04210 226 171 35 20
614 Are all the snowboarders in hell? 1.3318 0.04056 223 165 42 16
615 I hear it’s powder everyday 1.3318 0.03940 220 160 47 13
616 Snow angel. 1.3318 0.04330 214 162 33 19
617 We're trying something different this year. Every time hell freezes over an angel gets new skis. 1.3318 0.04216 211 157 38 16
618 People hate getting sent to Hell, so we decided to make the trip down more fun. 1.3317 0.04413 205 155 32 18
619 This really is people’s last resort. 1.3317 0.04413 205 155 32 18
620 Happens all the time since hell froze over 1.3317 0.04349 202 151 35 16
621 I keep telling him, it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven from Aspen." 1.3317 0.04452 199 150 32 17
622 Yes, but we don’t let in snowboarders. 1.3316 0.04324 196 145 37 14
623 Angels get 2 weeks paid vacation too. 1.3316 0.04384 196 146 35 15
624 Devil’s Leap is a direct flight 1.3315 0.04487 178 131 35 12
625 Apparently we've frozen over too 1.3314 0.04683 175 131 30 14
626 Apparently there is more than one way to enter into the kingdom of heaven. 1.3314 0.04652 169 125 32 12
627 Pride goeth before a fall. 1.3306 0.03798 245 180 49 16
628 Apres-life, all of our accommodations are ski-in, ski-out. 1.3304 0.03870 230 168 48 14
629 And last week some guy tried skating on thin ice to get in here. 1.3304 0.04090 224 167 40 17
630 We allow our guests to come as they are. 1.3303 0.03977 221 162 45 14
631 He didn't have auto-correct. The entry password here is "Shalom," not Slalom. 1.3303 0.04219 218 164 36 18
632 Yeah,I have to warn you - it's all downhill from here. 1.3302 0.03944 215 156 47 12
633 Wings were a later interpretation by painters and poets. 1.3302 0.04106 215 159 41 15
634 There is always one, over achiever 1.3302 0.03832 215 154 51 10
635 Yes, that’s part of the all-inclusive winter package. 1.3302 0.04356 212 161 32 19
636 Looks like Hell finally froze over. 1.3302 0.04252 212 159 36 17
637 you thought walking on water was difficult 1.3302 0.04037 212 155 44 13
638 It's not the first time Elon has tried bypassing security. 1.3301 0.04296 209 157 35 17
639 Apparently hell did not freeze over 1.3301 0.04296 209 157 35 17
640 Up here, "aprés ski" has an entirely different meaning. 1.3300 0.03954 200 143 48 9
641 We have an early admission program with Aspen. 1.3299 0.04305 197 146 37 14
642 The Russian ski team always cheats. 1.3299 0.04365 197 147 35 15
643 Now that's what I call a Hail Mary. 1.3297 0.04276 182 132 40 10
644 He wants to get in one last run.... 1.3296 0.03553 270 197 57 16
645 What happens to those who sneak in? Let's just say where he's going there is no snow. 1.3295 0.04788 173 131 27 15
646 You thought harp playing was our only activity? 1.3294 0.04629 170 126 32 12
647 God is always late to work on Mondays during ski season. 1.3293 0.03881 249 186 44 19
648 I thought it was Hell that finally froze over! 1.3293 0.03914 246 184 43 19
649 The irony is he’s heading somewhere without snow. 1.3290 0.04000 231 172 42 17
650 Despite what it looks like, it's not all downhill from here.. 1.3289 0.03988 228 169 43 16
651 Those will be useless where he's going...... 1.3288 0.04051 219 162 42 15
652 Oh, him? They get a free pass since avalanches were reclassified from ‘Act of God’ to ‘climate change-related mortality’ in the insurance policies. 1.3287 0.04345 216 165 31 20
653 We're hosting the Winter Olympics this year. 1.3286 0.04183 213 159 38 16
654 He’s one of our snow angels. 1.3286 0.04059 210 154 43 13
655 Ugh this happens every time hell freezes over. 1.3286 0.04170 210 156 39 15
656 This is the only way we could get him to stop singing "I Got You Babe". 1.3285 0.04376 207 157 32 18
657 That's the only kind of mogul you'll find here 1.3285 0.04042 207 151 44 12
658 Yes, it is true, the Powder is heavenly! 1.3283 0.04103 198 144 43 11
659 The powder was so good he thinks he died and went to heaven! 1.3282 0.04332 195 145 36 14
660 We need to build a higher fence on our northern border. 1.3281 0.04379 192 143 35 14
661 God moves in mysterious ways. 1.3281 0.04253 192 141 39 12
662 He’s on cloud nine. 1.3280 0.04210 186 135 41 10
663 Trump is promising us a higher wall. 1.3280 0.04606 186 141 29 16
664 He's only in if he sticks the landing. 1.3279 0.03479 244 173 62 9
665 It's impressive but you should see the skiers in hell 1.3276 0.04764 174 132 27 15
666 Not to worry. This is how all of our slalom skiers arrive. 1.3274 0.04146 223 168 37 18
667 Slalom Aleichem! We've been expecting you! 1.3274 0.04097 223 167 39 17
668 He will be here in a moment 1.3270 0.04099 211 156 41 14
669 Usually, guys who love white powder don’t get in here. 1.3267 0.04282 202 151 36 15
670 Everybody wave hi to Jesus! 1.3267 0.04106 202 148 42 12
671 wait'll he figures out it's a cloud! 1.3267 0.04045 202 147 44 11
672 Could go either way! 1.3266 0.04147 199 146 41 12
673 She's used to skiing at Heavenly. 1.3260 0.04561 181 136 31 14
674 No, no... It's okay. He died on the slopes; he just doesn't know it yet. 1.3258 0.04546 178 133 32 13
675 Some people just aren't satisfied with natural causes. 1.3255 0.04243 212 160 35 17
676 We also offer harp courses 1.3254 0.03951 209 152 46 11
677 Yea, he got a fast pass. 1.3252 0.03807 206 147 51 8
678 That guy is enroute to missing an important gate. 1.3250 0.04130 200 147 41 12
679 A snowball doesn’t have a chance either. 1.3249 0.03829 237 175 47 15
680 The road to hell is all downhill. 1.3249 0.04046 197 143 44 10
681 Ooops! That's a 50 year purgatory penalty for missing this gate. 1.3247 0.04279 194 144 37 13
682 This is a slalom occasion. 1.3247 0.04087 194 141 43 10
683 They call it “Dead Man’s Hill”, but do people listen? 1.3245 0.04625 188 144 27 17
684 Let’s wait and see if he makes it. 1.3245 0.04240 188 138 39 11
685 All landings are soft up here. 1.3244 0.03866 225 165 47 13
686 In the Olympic years, we usually make the gates a little higher. 1.3243 0.03741 222 160 52 10
687 Missing this gate will be costly. 1.3243 0.03741 222 160 52 10
688 He’s one of our frequent flyers- I’m afraid thats only available in our reincarnation package. 1.3243 0.04004 222 165 42 15
689 And until you earn your wings, there are several other ways to get around. 1.3243 0.03795 222 161 50 11
690 Hey,I said “Shalom”, not “Slalom”. 1.3242 0.04263 182 133 39 10
691 He's here until hell freezes over. 1.3241 0.04027 216 160 42 14
692 looks like somebody expected hell to freeze over 1.3240 0.04593 179 135 30 14
693 Sure, he skips the line, but he doesn't get the complimentary robe. 1.3239 0.04226 213 161 35 17
694 When someone's last words are "hold my beer", they get to skip the line. 1.3239 0.04226 213 161 35 17
695 Contrary to popular belief, it’s all downhill from here. 1.3239 0.03899 213 155 47 11
696 Little known fact - on the seventh day he actually skis. 1.3238 0.04106 210 156 40 14
697 He still hasn't earned his wings. 1.3237 0.03643 241 175 54 12
698 He knew it was a slippery slope 1.3235 0.04188 204 152 38 14
699 He heard hell froze over and bolted. 1.3235 0.04188 204 152 38 14
700 It’s going to be harder to get back up than he thinks. 1.3234 0.03989 201 146 45 10
701 There are no shortcuts to heav…. 1.3234 0.03863 201 144 49 8
702 Let us après. 1.3233 0.03882 232 172 45 15
703 Oh, that's just Elon. He tries every so often. 1.3232 0.04509 198 152 28 18
704 I know it seems unfair, but you have to understand that he's rich. 1.3231 0.04321 195 146 35 14
705 You can purchase day passes, but the eternal package is a better deal 1.3229 0.04138 223 169 36 18
706 Am I impressed? Yes. Will it get him inside? Heavens no. 1.3228 0.04287 189 140 37 12
707 I guess he’s in a rush to get in. 1.3226 0.04571 155 113 34 8
708 The path he's on leads straight to hell. 1.3224 0.04261 214 163 33 18
709 That'll be one of the Russians again. Don't worry, they usually fail the dope test. 1.3224 0.04312 214 164 31 19
710 Oh, dear. Missing a gate is going to cost him points. 1.3220 0.04228 205 154 36 15
711 He’ll go to heaven when hell freezes over 1.3220 0.04113 205 152 40 13
712 That’s God 1.3219 0.03771 233 171 49 13
713 Oh, she purchased the Skip the Line ticket. 1.3218 0.04329 202 153 33 16
714 Any snowboarders can just turn around now. 1.3217 0.03950 230 172 42 16
715 Darn one-percenters 1.3217 0.03803 230 169 48 13
716 That’s King Slalomon. 1.3216 0.04317 199 150 34 15
717 He'll say he died with his boots on. 1.3216 0.04257 199 149 36 14
718 They started showing up after some genius in marketing started advertising the après-life. 1.3216 0.04075 199 146 42 11
719 Wait, so the choir robes aren't mandatory? 1.3216 0.04075 199 146 42 11
720 His name is Bond. James Bond. 1.3212 0.04531 193 148 28 17
721 And that’s why border walls don’t work. 1.3212 0.04590 193 149 26 18
722 I know it’s confusing, but here that’s called a snow angel. 1.3212 0.04159 193 142 40 11
723 There goes St. Moritz. 1.3211 0.04202 218 166 34 18
724 He just came from cloud 9 1.3211 0.03722 218 157 52 9
725 There goes Stephen Hawking! 1.3211 0.04252 218 167 32 19
726 Jesus he’s fast! . 1.3211 0.04399 218 170 26 22
727 We get a few a day in the winter. 1.3210 0.04348 162 117 38 7
728 I guess he didn't land that last jump. 1.3209 0.03979 215 159 43 13
729 Hell of a jump one might say 1.3209 0.03924 215 158 45 12
730 “Ever see the Wide World of Sports? Yup—that’s him.” 1.3209 0.04381 187 140 34 13
731 Are you folks familiar with our FastPass program? 1.3209 0.04247 187 138 38 11
732 You see, this is why we can’t let hell freeze over. 1.3208 0.04664 159 118 31 10
733 He's from Switzerland, where skiing is like a religion. 1.3208 0.03961 212 156 44 12
734 Yeah, they’ve been doing that since Hell froze over. 1.3208 0.04017 212 157 42 13
735 Oh no, it’s fair. She lost half a day of skiing. 1.3206 0.04056 209 155 41 13
736 He's coming in from cloud nine. 1.3204 0.04270 181 133 38 10
737 That’s how Sonny Bono got in. 1.3204 0.04481 181 136 32 13
738 The ski jump entrance is only for members of our exclusive Pearly Flight Club. You need to have been very good AND very rich. It is basically just Keanu Reeves. 1.3204 0.04616 181 138 28 15
739 I've been telling James and John we need to raise the fence. 1.3204 0.04096 206 153 40 13
740 Don’t worry, it’s only all downhill for him 1.3202 0.03956 203 148 45 10
741 Looks like it froze over. 1.3200 0.04526 200 155 26 19
742 It’ll only count if he sticks the landing. 1.3200 0.04057 200 147 42 11
743 We couldn’t send him anywhere hot, 1.3200 0.04119 200 148 40 12
744 Another arrival from Purgatory. The ones from Vail and Aspen are coming later.” 1.3200 0.04057 200 147 42 11
745 So do you guys want a day pass? 1.3200 0.04136 175 126 42 7
746 St. Peter was surprised to see Ted making yet another attempt to crash heaven’s gate. 1.3196 0.04267 194 145 36 13
747 People try the darnedest ways to get in here. 1.3194 0.03682 216 155 53 8
748 Gate crasher. 1.3194 0.04249 191 142 37 12
749 There's someone enjoying life until the very end. 1.3191 0.03950 188 135 46 7
750 We have a quick entry for gold medalists. 1.3191 0.04361 188 141 34 13
751 Oh, that? Skiers have their own gates. 1.3190 0.04205 210 159 35 16
752 There's always one that games the system 1.3188 0.04079 207 154 40 13
753 He swapped his wings for them, now he never stops showing off. 1.3187 0.04105 182 132 42 8
754 Up here he DOES have a snowball’s chance. 1.3187 0.04321 182 135 36 11
755 Apparently, he died with his boots on. 1.3186 0.04001 204 150 43 11
756 Don’t mind him, he’s just one of the snow angels 1.3186 0.04001 204 150 43 11
757 He will be with us shortly… 1.3185 0.04522 157 115 34 8
758 Things have been going down hill since 2020. 1.3184 0.04441 179 134 33 12
759 If he can nail the landing, he's in. 1.3182 0.04017 198 145 43 10
760 You know what? I'm going to let him stay just for the effort. 1.3182 0.04017 198 145 43 10
761 This only happens every four years. 1.3182 0.03821 198 142 49 7
762 It appears hell's freezing over again. 1.3180 0.04210 217 166 33 18
763 Now let's talk about our packages 1.3178 0.03930 214 158 44 12
764 They’ll try anything to bypass the pearly gates 1.3177 0.04230 192 143 37 12
765 That one mentioned ‘dying’ before paying full price for a lift ticket. 1.3176 0.04602 170 128 30 12
766 Yup, border protection is a hot issue up here too. 1.3175 0.04134 211 159 37 15
767 No lift lines. The best perk. 1.3174 0.03641 230 167 53 10
768 Well, I guess Hell froze over. 1.3173 0.04119 208 156 38 14
769 Strange, he wasn’t due for another three seconds. 1.3173 0.03946 208 153 44 11
770 Yeah, yeah, I know. You'd think just being God would be impressive enough. 1.3173 0.04175 208 157 36 15
771 It's the hike back up that kills you. 1.3169 0.04301 183 136 36 11
772 Pride goes before the fall. 1.3168 0.04023 202 149 42 11
773 As per usual, the one-percenters have found themselves a loophole. 1.3168 0.04203 202 152 36 14
774 Don't worry. He'll be escorted out and placed at the back of the line. 1.3166 0.04063 199 147 41 11
775 Wait. Can he just do that? 1.3166 0.04063 199 147 41 11
776 Oh, him? He's a platinum member. 1.3163 0.04230 196 147 36 13
777 Ignore him. That’s the Holy Spirit and he’s having a midlife crisis. 1.3163 0.04291 196 148 34 14
778 Oh, he's a member of tomorrow's group. 1.3163 0.04285 215 166 30 19
779 Hell has better water skiing. 1.3163 0.03802 215 157 48 10
780 There’s actually more than one way to get in, 1.3163 0.03802 215 157 48 10
781 He'll be disqualified for missing a gate. 1.3161 0.04141 174 126 41 7
782 He's on a very slippery slope. Let us pray. 1.3161 0.04081 193 142 41 10
783 I guess Hell has frozen over. 1.3158 0.04385 190 144 32 14
784 That definitely warrants a random urine sample. 1.3158 0.04503 171 128 32 11
785 Powder Days are our busiest. 1.3158 0.04503 171 128 32 11
786 Walking on water was just his opening act. 1.3158 0.04426 171 127 34 10
787 He is one of the snow angels. 1.3158 0.03711 228 167 50 11
788 I keep telling them, its Shalom not slalom. 1.3156 0.03898 225 168 43 14
789 We offer as part of your eternal reward the thrill of victory without the agony of defeat. 1.3155 0.04479 168 125 33 10
790 That’s not what I meant when I said “FastPass holders may jump the line.” 1.3153 0.04126 203 152 38 13
791 It’s been a big problem since Hell froze over. 1.3152 0.04485 184 140 30 14
792 Just don’t call them daredevils. 1.3150 0.04046 200 148 41 11
793 It's an unfortunate loophole. 1.3149 0.04185 181 133 39 9
794 Camels be damned, the 1% always find a way to skirt the rules. 1.3149 0.04329 181 135 35 11
795 Some of us soar like an eagle. The rest form a line. 1.3148 0.03954 216 161 42 13
796 He’ll be right with you 1.3147 0.05004 143 108 25 10
797 Wow. I guess it really did freeze over. 1.3146 0.04378 178 133 34 11
798 Unfortunately, we do have a problem with illegal immigration. 1.3144 0.03996 229 174 38 17
799 We're experimenting with self check-in. 1.3143 0.04428 175 131 33 11
800 Elon! Get back in line! 1.3143 0.04502 175 132 31 12
801 Well, we couldn't put her in hell. 1.3140 0.03952 207 153 43 11
802 That’s one way to go. 1.3140 0.04126 207 156 37 14
803 God knows he's stood in enough lines already. 1.3138 0.04283 188 141 35 12
804 Training for the Olympus. 1.3138 0.04283 188 141 35 12
805 we're all on a slippery slope up here. 1.3138 0.04283 188 141 35 12
806 We’re not happy about it, but there are other ways in. 1.3136 0.03902 220 164 43 13
807 He doesn't even realize he's dead. 1.3136 0.04007 220 166 39 15
808 Trying to sneak in again 1.3136 0.03902 220 164 43 13
809 Building a wall is not as secure as you might think. 1.3136 0.04376 169 125 35 9
810 The term 'death-defying' doesn't really apply up here. 1.3136 0.04376 169 125 35 9
811 The sad truth is, even Heaven has to deal with border security issues. 1.3135 0.04463 185 141 30 14
812 Yes, there is life Apres Ski. 1.3134 0.04090 201 150 39 12
813 This is his last run. He'll be here soon, but he doesn't know it yet. 1.3134 0.04327 201 154 31 16
814 As it says in Job 35:5: "Look to the heavens, and see. See the skis, which are higher than you." Oops! A typo. They left out an "e". 1.3134 0.05016 134 100 26 8
815 He came in the same way he went out. 1.3134 0.04210 201 152 35 14
816 That's God. He's learning to go downhill like the rest of civilization. 1.3132 0.04447 182 138 31 13
817 Ah, yes. He’ll be joining you shortly. 1.3131 0.04314 198 151 32 15
818 Looks like it was a cold day in Hell. 1.3131 0.04193 198 149 36 13
819 Don't worry he's going straight to hell. 1.3131 0.04069 198 147 40 11
820 He couldn’t avoid that tree, but he did avoid my red tape. 1.3131 0.03975 214 160 41 13
821 Looks like we're also freezing over. 1.3128 0.04174 195 146 37 12
822 Too bad he missed the gate. 1.3128 0.04113 227 175 33 19
823 On the slopes,that’s known as Hell bound. 1.3125 0.03693 224 164 50 10
824 Let's just say he won't be needing his scarf where he's going. 1.3125 0.04952 160 124 22 14
825 We still can't agree on border security. 1.3125 0.04165 208 158 35 15
826 He’s been up there for an eternity. 1.3125 0.04270 160 116 38 6
827 At that height and speed of descent I give him three minutes before joining us. 1.3125 0.04052 208 156 39 13
828 …and the best part is, membership includes absolution! 1.3125 0.04020 192 141 42 9
829 She took gold in the ‘28 Olympics in St Moritz. 1.3125 0.04109 208 157 37 14
830 Just a second while we wait for a fourth guest to join the line. 1.3122 0.04092 205 154 38 13
831 At least he'll get the gold medal posthumously. 1.3122 0.03973 205 152 42 11
832 He got bored walking on water, so ... 1.3122 0.04150 205 155 36 14
833 Excuse me, he has a reservation. 1.3116 0.04326 215 168 27 20
834 Yeaaaaaahh, we're just gonna let that one slide... 1.3116 0.04802 138 102 29 7
835 It's a blasphemous entry but I'll allow it for style points. 1.3116 0.03989 199 147 42 10
836 First-time arrivals are always surprised by the express lane. 1.3116 0.03859 199 145 46 8
837 I've been asking for better border control but the Big Guy says no. 1.3115 0.04218 183 136 37 10
838 He's part of our border patrol. 1.3115 0.04218 183 136 37 10
839 Skiers! They’re always trying to cut to the front of the line. 1.3115 0.04218 183 136 37 10
840 Hell does the summer games. 1.3112 0.04156 196 147 37 12
841 Great jump - terrible landing 1.3112 0.04280 196 149 33 14
842 Powder is great at heavenly. 1.3112 0.03963 196 144 43 9
843 That’s one way to jump the queue! 1.3111 0.04407 180 136 32 12
844 And if you don't like it here then there is always The Slippery Slope To Hell. 1.3111 0.04264 180 134 36 10
845 Sometimes it's a slippery slope between and good and evil. 1.3109 0.04002 193 142 42 9
846 There’s Waldo! 1.3108 0.04683 148 110 30 8
847 Well that's a bad gate to miss. 1.3107 0.04160 177 130 39 8
848 Oooops, a loophole. 1.3107 0.03957 206 153 42 11
849 And this is why you should always wear a helmet! 1.3106 0.04704 132 96 31 5
850 'Lifetime' ski pass isn't the deal you think it is. 1.3103 0.04361 174 130 34 10
851 Yes, the common belief among men of how angels travel is quite wrong. 1.3103 0.04232 203 155 33 15
852 Certain athletes have an easier time getting in. 1.3103 0.04511 174 132 30 12
853 Mother Teresa likes the black diamond runs. 1.3102 0.04208 216 167 31 18
854 Those Trump kids never learn. 1.3102 0.04613 187 146 24 17
855 He'll be joining us in 5, 4, 3. . . 1.3102 0.04290 187 141 34 12
856 If you want to change your mind- hell just froze over and I've heard the skiing is great. 1.3102 0.04222 187 140 36 11
857 Ah, they're making snow angels again 1.3100 0.04276 200 153 32 15
858 He'll be joining the line momentarily. 1.3099 0.04333 171 127 35 9
859 Skiers rarely come in through the gate. 1.3099 0.04250 213 165 30 18
860 He likes to make a big entrance. 1.3096 0.04011 197 146 41 10
861 Every so often He comes down from the mountaintop. 1.3096 0.04075 197 147 39 11
862 Sometimes He gets bored. 1.3094 0.04386 181 137 32 12
863 He used the app to check in. 1.3094 0.04097 181 133 40 8
864 Oh, he's TSA pre-certified. 1.3093 0.04051 194 144 40 10
865 He doesn't know he's dead yet. 1.3092 0.04058 207 156 38 13
866 Don't you just hate fast track showoffs? 1.3092 0.03820 207 152 46 9
867 The agony of defeat in 3-2-1...... 1.3091 0.04351 165 122 35 8
868 I told him building a wall won't solve the problem. 1.3090 0.04364 178 134 33 11
869 If only he'd tried as hard on Earth. 1.3089 0.03741 191 137 49 5
870 Oh don’t mind him. There’s a black diamond run that feeds directly into our welcome centre. 1.3088 0.04952 136 102 26 8
871 He’s a snow angel. 1.3087 0.04557 149 110 32 7
872 As they say, Everyone here is equal, but some are more equal than others. 1.3087 0.04752 149 112 28 9
873 Finally. Hell is frozen over. 1.3086 0.04819 162 125 24 13
874 He'll be penalized for missing a gate. 1.3086 0.04106 175 128 40 7
875 Is he in for a surprise. 1.3085 0.04135 188 140 38 10
876 Line jumper. 1.3085 0.03955 201 149 42 10
877 On a side note, you can still break your legs here. 1.3082 0.04717 159 121 27 11
878 As expected, every day is a powder day. 1.3081 0.03863 198 145 45 8
879 Well it is quicker than the usual route of good intentions. 1.3077 0.04098 195 146 38 11
880 Snowboarders? No, that's the other place. 1.3077 0.04295 182 137 34 11
881 They only wear wings for the camera. 1.3077 0.04512 156 116 32 8
882 I guess, heaven can't wait! 1.3077 0.04077 182 134 40 8
883 We take skiers but snowboarders can go to hell. 1.3077 0.05032 156 122 20 14
884 Remember, it’s a slippery slope to Hell. 1.3077 0.03769 221 164 46 11
885 Well, that’s one way to jump the line. 1.3077 0.04033 195 145 40 10
886 He died just like he raced — always missing the gates. 1.3077 0.04295 182 137 34 11
887 Trust me, when he lands he's going to experience the ultimate agony of defeat. 1.3073 0.04270 192 146 33 13
888 He’s boarding with Group 1. 1.3073 0.04415 179 136 31 12
889 We stopped legacy admissions but athletes still get a bump. 1.3073 0.04121 179 132 39 8
890 Yeah, well, we kinda waive the whole good/bad thing if you go out doing something awesome. 1.3070 0.04111 215 165 34 16
891 One day he's going to kill himself. Oh wait, he's already done that. 1.3069 0.04466 202 159 24 19
892 Ah, yes. The express lane. 1.3069 0.04000 202 151 40 11
893 Another lift line cutter going straight to hell. 1.3069 0.04239 202 155 32 15
894 He thought the lift line took an eternity, ha! 1.3068 0.04393 176 133 32 11
895 Nobody likes a show off. 1.3065 0.03712 199 144 49 6
896 It's just like college admissions: there's a separate gate for athletes. 1.3065 0.04495 186 144 27 15
897 It's a long way down if he falls. 1.3065 0.04229 186 140 35 11
898 Great run but missing the gate is an automatic disqualification. 1.3064 0.04665 173 134 25 14
899 Prosperity gospel has ruined this place. 1.3064 0.04368 173 130 33 10
900 Around here we usually only see pigs do that. 1.3062 0.04856 160 124 23 13
901 He comes for the apres vie. 1.3062 0.03967 209 157 40 12
902 We have many seasonal amenities at your disposal. 1.3061 0.04488 147 108 33 6
903 He bought an infinity pass. 1.3059 0.04055 219 168 35 16
904 Oh, that's another Bond movie being filmed on location. 1.3059 0.04419 170 128 32 10
905 They said the powder was to die for. 1.3057 0.04187 193 146 35 12
906 Another leap of faith 1.3056 0.04025 180 132 41 7
907 Oh, that is DEFINITELY not allowed. 1.3056 0.04176 180 134 37 9
908 Don't worry, he'll be joining us shortly. 1.3056 0.05052 144 111 22 11
909 Wings are optional. 1.3054 0.04222 167 123 37 7
910 Ok there's one other way to get in, but it's like super hard. 1.3053 0.04029 190 141 40 9
911 Oh, that? He bought the Fast Pass. 1.3052 0.04544 154 115 31 8
912 So hell froze over, but we didn't expect this. 1.3051 0.04371 177 134 32 11
913 This is the only place that can afford to host the Olympics now. 1.3050 0.04381 200 156 27 17
914 Wings and harps are essentially metaphors. 1.3050 0.04715 141 105 29 7
915 I recommend that you buy your own equipment. Multi-century rentals can be really expensive. 1.3046 0.04698 151 114 28 9
916 We're expecting him after one more run 1.3046 0.04249 197 151 32 14
917 And to think he took the Lord's name in vain when he missed the last gate 1.3043 0.04324 184 140 32 12
918 Happens all the time. Downhill racer. Missed a gate. 1.3043 0.04582 161 122 29 10
919 He'll be shocked when he finds out we test for drugs. 1.3043 0.04113 184 137 38 9
920 Downhill skier. Always flirting with death. 1.3041 0.04396 171 129 32 10
921 Alternatively,of course,you may choose the “leap of faith” option. 1.3041 0.04237 171 127 36 8
922 Just the razor blades I ordered. Prime same day 1.3041 0.04625 171 132 26 13
923 Show off! He was admitted a week ago in a biking accident. 1.3041 0.04761 148 112 27 9
924 The Lord is his shepherd. He will not fall. 1.3041 0.04462 148 109 33 6
925 Yeah, they think it's an easy way in, but landing on the streets paved with gold is no picnic. 1.3039 0.04442 181 139 29 13
926 It’s basically all downhill for the rest of eternity 1.3039 0.04082 181 134 39 8
927 It looks like Hell just froze over. 1.3037 0.04850 135 101 27 7
928 The border fence didn’t fix anything. 1.3037 0.04277 191 146 32 13
929 Most people request the angel wings upon admittance…. others get quite creative.” 1.3036 0.04758 168 131 23 14
930 Oh, that's St. Moritz. 1.3036 0.04606 168 129 27 12
931 That's God. He's pretending to be Jean-Claude Killy. 1.3036 0.04528 168 128 29 11
932 That's Jesus. There's always fresh powder in Heaven. 1.3036 0.04448 168 127 31 10
933 His parents gave generously to build the new bell tower, and there was an opening on the downhill skiing team 1.3032 0.03981 188 139 41 8
934 thats the exspress checkout 1.3030 0.04419 165 124 32 9
935 He’s just passing through. 1.3030 0.03979 165 119 42 4
936 Oh, Jesus Christ there he goes again. 1.3030 0.04663 165 127 26 12
937 We're still waiting for Mexico to pay for a higher wall. 1.3030 0.04502 165 125 30 10
938 Now that you're immortal, you may take advantage of our extreme sports program. 1.3028 0.05192 142 111 19 12
939 He gave up walking on water for skiing on air. 1.3026 0.04854 152 117 24 11
940 double black diamonds skip the queue. 1.3026 0.04150 195 148 35 12
941 Epic in life, epic in the afterlife. That's Mother Teresa for you. 1.3025 0.05541 119 92 18 9
942 We deduct points when they miss the gates. 1.3025 0.04558 162 123 29 10
943 Don't worry. We still don't allow snowboarders. 1.3023 0.04527 172 132 28 12
944 Last week the same guy tried a hot air balloon. 1.3023 0.04675 172 134 24 14
945 Oh yes, he goes by King Slalomon now. 1.3023 0.04374 172 130 32 10
946 Oh no, that's a disqualification, missed a gate" 1.3022 0.04281 182 138 33 11
947 Olympian or not, they should respect the process. There is a line. 1.3021 0.04258 192 147 32 13
948 These gatecrashers get more creative every year. 1.3021 0.03993 192 143 40 9
949 He was an accident waiting to happen. 1.3020 0.04637 149 112 29 8
950 He will be joining us in a moment 1.3019 0.04439 159 119 32 8
951 He'll be back soon. Someone told him about a snowball's chance in hell and he took it as a dare. 1.3018 0.04505 169 129 29 11
952 Yep. That's HIM. 1.3018 0.04426 169 128 31 10
953 We have to take sabbaticals, but it is hard for St. Peter to get away. 1.3017 0.04401 179 137 30 12
954 He needs to turn! Turn! Turn! 1.3017 0.04029 179 132 40 7
955 Last run. 1.3017 0.04029 179 132 40 7
956 I said,"Join me in a psalm," not a slalom. 1.3016 0.03892 189 139 43 7
957 Sigh. I'll get security on it. 1.3016 0.04034 189 141 39 9
958 They try everything. I doesn't work. 1.3014 0.04013 209 159 37 13
959 He won't take no for an answer. Last week he tried to tunnel under the fence. 1.3012 0.04559 166 127 28 11
960 Yes. We have Redbull in Heaven... 1.3012 0.04717 166 129 24 13
961 Yes, our premium level includes snow sports. 1.3011 0.04150 176 131 37 8
962 Yeah, the angels don’t fly using wings anymore. 1.3011 0.04595 176 137 25 14
963 We call that the 'Flyway-to-Hell'. 1.3010 0.04194 196 150 33 13
964 We were bought out by Vail last season 1.3010 0.04224 206 160 30 16
965 Well that didn't go well.. 1.3007 0.04865 143 109 25 9
966 He’ll need to take some layers off when he gets to hell. 1.3006 0.04449 163 123 31 9
967 The one percent. 1.3006 0.04363 163 122 33 8
968 You can't see it yet, but there is a tree right in front of him. 1.3006 0.04195 173 129 36 8
969 It's surfing, skiing or choir, you choose how you want to spend eternity. 1.3005 0.04534 183 143 25 15
970 He has TSA PreCheck. 1.3005 0.04044 183 136 39 8
971 He really is late to his own funeral! 1.3005 0.04534 183 143 25 15
972 I'm disappointed. I thought they had wings. 1.3005 0.04044 183 136 39 8
973 He asked if he could make one last run.. I told him he had. 1.3005 0.04425 193 151 26 16
974 That’s my son. There will never be a second coming if he won’t set some goals and finally move out on his own. 1.3005 0.04043 193 145 38 10
975 The nouveau meek think they inherited everything. 1.3005 0.03971 203 153 39 11
976 It's a terrible inconvenience, but unfortunately that resort was there before us. 1.3005 0.04151 203 156 33 14
977 On the bright side, it looks like hell’s finally frozen over. 1.3005 0.04092 203 155 35 13
978 I'll let that slide. 1.3005 0.03787 213 159 44 10
979 Some people can't see a queue without trying to jump it. 1.3000 0.04133 200 153 34 13
980 It looks impressive. But the tough part is sticking the landing. 1.3000 0.04323 170 128 33 9
981 He wrote the Book of Slaloms. 1.3000 0.04308 180 137 32 11
982 TSA pre-approved... 1.3000 0.03947 200 150 40 10
983 I guess up here we don't need helmets 1.3000 0.04010 180 133 40 7
984 Omg? Is that Icarus? 1.3000 0.04162 180 135 36 9
985 At least this time he is not wearing a gown. 1.3000 0.04235 180 136 34 10
986 He has a lot riding on hitting the landing. 1.3000 0.04284 190 146 31 13
987 That’s not how it works here Elon 1.3000 0.04450 180 139 28 13
988 He’s on team Shabbat Slalom. 1.3000 0.04512 150 112 31 7
989 That is Donald Trump practicing his posthumous plan to sneak into heaven without being judged. 1.2995 0.04237 197 152 31 14
990 He'll be here shortly. 1.2995 0.04331 187 144 30 13
991 She’s waited in enough lines. 1.2995 0.04127 187 141 36 10
992 Ignore him. He's only here for the après life. 1.2994 0.04207 177 133 35 9
993 The hell with him. 1.2994 0.04290 167 125 34 8
994 No smoking, no swearing, no snowboarding-got it ?" 1.2994 0.04455 167 127 30 10
995 The purgatory crowd gets more creative every year. 1.2994 0.04455 167 127 30 10
996 Save him a place in line, he’ll be joining you momentarily. 1.2994 0.04455 167 127 30 10
997 Now that’s ironic. That’s how I ended up here. 1.2994 0.04374 167 126 32 9
998 Shalom and slalom. 1.2994 0.04536 167 128 28 11
999 We're gonna need a bigger fence 1.2994 0.04821 157 122 23 12
1000 Oh, It's just a returning snow angel. 1.2993 0.04570 147 110 30 7
1001 Hey look! It’s King Slalomon! 1.2993 0.04961 147 114 22 11
1002 Sorry. You have the wrong address. These are the gnarly gates. 1.2990 0.04025 194 146 38 10
1003 They say the skiing is to die for. 1.2989 0.04098 184 138 37 9
1004 Yes, there are many ways to enter heaven. However, that is not one of them. 1.2989 0.04241 184 140 33 11
1005 Free all day pass in heaven! 1.2989 0.04098 184 138 37 9
1006 What do you think people reading the New Yorker are going to say. 1.2989 0.04512 184 144 25 15
1007 It's a nice try...but there's no snow where he's headed. 1.2989 0.04482 174 134 28 12
1008 You won’t need lessons for anything, trust me! 1.2989 0.04407 174 133 30 11
1009 He has the Unitarian “Skip the Line” pass. 1.2988 0.04426 164 124 31 9
1010 Slalom, shalom. Either way everyone’s welcome. 1.2988 0.04426 164 124 31 9
1011 He's only here till hell freezes over. 1.2987 0.04886 154 120 22 12
1012 He’s a large donor. 1.2985 0.04741 134 100 28 6
1013 The penalty for missing the gate is hell. 1.2985 0.04116 201 154 34 13
1014 He died six months before qualifying for the senior ski pass. The Lord, in his mercy, took pity. 1.2984 0.03997 191 143 39 9
1015 Sometimes, God needs to get away from it all. 1.2984 0.03997 191 143 39 9
1016 We have a border problem up here, too. 1.2983 0.04287 181 138 32 11
1017 You need to upgrade to the premium package for that. 1.2983 0.04287 181 138 32 11
1018 Another hotdogger trying to jump the queue. 1.2982 0.04055 171 126 39 6
1019 She came in through the powdery gates. 1.2982 0.03969 171 125 41 5
1020 Yeah, sorry. There's more douchebags in here than you'd think. 1.2981 0.04650 161 124 26 11
1021 I guess the season pass has more access than I thought. 1.2981 0.04392 161 121 32 8
1022 It's only Amazon. 1.2980 0.04584 151 114 29 8
1023 It's not a flawless system. 1.2979 0.03745 188 137 46 5
1024 If you didn't want to wait in line, you could've paid for pre-check. 1.2979 0.04108 188 142 36 10
1025 While it may look cool, it's not going to get him in. 1.2979 0.03821 188 138 44 6
1026 As you might have noticed on earth, athletes get special privileges. 1.2978 0.04186 178 134 35 9
1027 He will be in the queue very soon. 1.2978 0.04186 178 134 35 9
1028 He’ll be with us soon. 1.2976 0.04432 168 128 30 10
1029 Cut! Who opened the slopes? 1.2976 0.04184 168 125 36 7
1030 Yes folks,we also have the 1%! 1.2976 0.03877 205 154 41 10
1031 Do not worry: He will be in tomorrow’s line. 1.2973 0.04151 185 140 35 10
1032 I guess it's all downhill from here. 1.2973 0.04290 185 142 31 12
1033 Look, wings are just one of the options. 1.2971 0.04385 175 134 30 11
1034 He died on the slopes in Aspen and nobody wants to disturb him with the details. 1.2970 0.04037 202 154 36 12
1035 Build a wall they said. 1.2970 0.04403 165 125 31 9
1036 Most folks call it Heaven; he calls it Apre's Life. 1.2969 0.04114 192 146 35 11
1037 Season passes are also available. 1.2969 0.04180 192 147 33 12
1038 Don’t tell me you’ve never heard of snow angels 1.2968 0.04501 155 117 30 8
1039 Don't mind him. He's headed to the other place. 1.2967 0.04195 182 138 34 10
1040 I'm guessing he doesn't stick the landing. 1.2967 0.04338 182 140 30 12
1041 That's our new Endless Holiday Package. 1.2967 0.04115 209 162 32 15
1042 He'll be here in no time. 1.2965 0.04200 172 129 35 8
1043 If he were porkier and less athletic, I'd guess Trump -- again demanding special access. 1.2963 0.04541 162 124 28 10
1044 Looks like he’ll be next in line. 1.2963 0.04157 189 144 34 11
1045 The Black Diamond routes supply us with most of those . 1.2963 0.04541 162 124 28 10
1046 Tech money. They think the rules don't apply to them. 1.2963 0.03949 189 141 40 8
1047 Forget the hand basket. The wealthy now go to Hell on skis. 1.2963 0.04157 189 144 34 11
1048 He's going downhill all the way." 1.2961 0.03981 206 157 37 12
1049 At our community center, you can enjoy re-enacting your last moments in the temporal realm. 1.2961 0.04013 179 133 39 7
1050 I said "Welcome and shalom to heaven," not "slalom to heaven". 1.2958 0.04976 142 110 22 10
1051 He doesn't know that skipping the vetting process will land him in hot water, very hot water. 1.2958 0.04058 213 165 33 15
1052 Our Platinum members are allowed to by-pass the gate. 1.2957 0.03988 186 139 39 8
1053 The apres-ski is heaven too. 1.2957 0.03763 186 136 45 5
1054 It’s a few puffy clouds up here but it’s mostly fresh powder 1.2957 0.04201 186 142 33 11
1055 Rules are rules; he missed the gate so he is disqualified. 1.2957 0.03915 186 138 41 7
1056 Jesus! 1.2956 0.04768 159 124 23 12
1057 When I told him to skedaddle, I had no idea he would misinterpret it as skidaddle" 1.2956 0.04421 159 120 31 8
1058 The only person we've let in from Aspen in decades. 1.2956 0.04421 159 120 31 8
1059 Slalom be with you. 1.2956 0.04510 159 121 29 9
1060 We're temporarily out of handbaskets. 1.2956 0.04020 203 155 36 12
1061 I advise to enter with no preconceptions about what this place is all about. 1.2955 0.04898 132 100 25 7
1062 Skiing is to die for 1.2953 0.03823 193 143 43 7
1063 Rich people, am I right? 1.2953 0.04714 149 114 26 9
1064 It's the only way the Swiss can get in. 1.2952 0.04122 166 123 37 6
1065 OH, We got a jumper. 1.2952 0.04462 166 127 29 10
1066 Ah, here comes my three o'clock. 1.2952 0.04462 166 127 29 10
1067 He’s the keeper of the skis to the kingdom 1.2952 0.04462 166 127 29 10
1068 So it’s all downhill from here? 1.2949 0.04189 156 115 36 5
1069 That lane is TSA pre-check. 1.2947 0.04001 190 143 38 9
1070 It’s not him. 1.2947 0.04271 190 147 30 13
1071 Millennials… 1.2945 0.04576 146 110 29 7
1072 No one mentioned that on Earth??? Yes,we accept do-gooders and ski jumpers. Someone was supposed to mention that. 1.2945 0.04432 163 124 30 9
1073 We don’t call him the Super G for nothing. 1.2944 0.04221 180 137 33 10
1074 There's a special place in Heaven for giant shalom." 1.2944 0.03994 180 134 39 7
1075 He had a week-end pass. 1.2944 0.03931 214 164 37 13
1076 There are many ways to enter Heaven! 1.2941 0.04057 170 126 38 6
1077 Forget him, he's hell-bent 1.2941 0.04142 170 127 36 7
1078 Yeah, seems like it's frozen over almost every day since he first got elected. 1.2941 0.04808 153 119 23 11
1079 Guess that's cooler than just knockin' on heaven's door. 1.2941 0.04063 204 157 34 13
1080 If you were going to the other place, you would see the agony of defeat. 1.2941 0.04466 170 131 28 11
1081 We've got to do something about our borders 1.2941 0.04383 187 146 27 14
1082 He's been trying to land a spot here for years. 1.2941 0.03897 187 139 41 7
1083 The crowd yelled “heaven help him” and it worked. 1.2938 0.03944 194 146 39 9
1084 I guess it's not just the Olympics that the Russians cheat in. 1.2938 0.04207 194 150 31 13
1085 Well, I'll be damned. 1.2938 0.04415 177 137 28 12
1086 Table for 3? Err, 4? 1.2938 0.04342 177 136 30 11
1087 Actually, there is another way to get in. 1.2938 0.04267 177 135 32 10
1088 Oh, and the skiing is also heavenly. 1.2938 0.04191 177 134 34 9
1089 Vail is great, but the powder today IS divine. 1.2937 0.04397 160 121 31 8
1090 See, in heaven you don't even have to pray for snow. 1.2937 0.04530 143 107 30 6
1091 Not again. 1.2936 0.05576 109 84 18 7
1092 For some, access is quicker. 1.2935 0.03788 201 150 43 8
1093 He's TSA pre-checked. 1.2935 0.04223 201 157 29 15
1094 That's some big heavenly air ! 1.2934 0.03828 167 121 43 3
1095 Can we interest you in the upgrade 1.2934 0.04273 167 126 33 8
1096 Sadly, as it is on earth, so it is in heaven 1.2933 0.04182 150 110 36 4
1097 Hey! There's a line! 1.2931 0.04158 174 131 35 8
1098 Yes, you can stay, but you gotta stick the landing. 1.2931 0.04158 174 131 35 8
1099 Oh don't worry, he's part of our rewards program. 1.2930 0.04804 157 123 22 12
1100 This is his second home. 1.2930 0.04167 157 116 36 5
1101 He'll be here in a minute 1.2930 0.04167 157 116 36 5
1102 Honestly, when they choose not to snowboard we just let them in 1.2930 0.04631 157 121 26 10
1103 That's Gabriel. He made a deal with the boss: two weeks of skiing every millennium in exchange for not blowing his own horn so much. 1.2929 0.04808 140 107 25 8
1104 We should be seeing him soon 1.2928 0.04052 181 136 37 8
1105 Sigh...they don't seem to realize it's all downhill from here. 1.2928 0.03975 181 135 39 7
1106 Happening more & more since they increased slope takeoff angles 1.2928 0.04052 181 136 37 8
1107 Skiers yes, but no snowboarders. 1.2927 0.04235 164 123 34 7
1108 We have a lot more availability starting around June. 1.2927 0.04235 164 123 34 7
1109 It's all down hill here. 1.2926 0.03952 188 141 39 8
1110 It's God, sometimes he likes to pretend he's Jean-Claude Killy. 1.2924 0.04520 171 133 26 12
1111 Him? That’s Matthew Perry. God’s letting him play until his friends arrive. 1.2924 0.04285 171 130 32 9
1112 We get a lot here with poor judgment on Earth. 1.2923 0.04690 130 97 28 5
1113 An option for the less adventurous, of course, would be two wings and a harp. 1.2923 0.05057 130 100 22 8
1114 The young ones are always in a hurry... 1.2923 0.04059 195 149 35 11
1115 He was training for this moment his entire life. 1.2922 0.04691 154 119 25 10
1116 Ski Patrol 1.2922 0.04008 154 112 39 3
1117 Yep, that is the Indulgence Package they launched this past week. 1.2921 0.04320 178 137 30 11
1118 Once you are in, it will be downhill all the way. 1.2921 0.04246 178 136 32 10
1119 Our most recent arrival. We left the tree behind, of course 1.2919 0.04632 161 125 25 11
1120 It’s the express entry for those who took the high road. 1.2919 0.04374 161 122 31 8
1121 You guessed it! It was Aspen all along. 1.2919 0.04193 161 120 35 6
1122 Shlalom 1.2917 0.04496 168 130 27 11
1123 He just transitioned from the thrill of victory to the agony of deceased. 1.2917 0.04652 168 132 23 13
1124 Snowboarding is for the other place. 1.2914 0.04294 175 134 31 10
1125 He was having such fun that I decided to give him extra time before his accident. 1.2914 0.04370 175 135 29 11
1126 And to think - we followed all the rules and all you needed was a ticket for the ski lift. 1.2914 0.04444 175 136 27 12
1127 Apparently there is more than one way to get into heaven. 1.2914 0.04564 151 115 28 8
1128 Did I mention people are dying to get in here? 1.2914 0.05024 151 120 18 13
1129 He has a holiday pass, then he goes back to hell 1.2913 0.04028 206 159 34 13
1130 Yes, the Clear Pre-Check line is a bit faster. 1.2912 0.04107 182 138 35 9
1131 He donated an endowed cloud. 1.2912 0.03956 182 136 39 7
1132 We're gonna need a bigger wall. 1.2912 0.04323 182 141 29 12
1133 It’s called jumping the line 1.2912 0.03956 182 136 39 7
1134 He’ll find out that he’s overdressed for Hell. 1.2912 0.04461 182 143 25 14
1135 These flyovers are becoming a real problem. 1.2910 0.03934 189 142 39 8
1136 You can see how it pays to be a legacy admit. 1.2910 0.04075 189 144 35 10
1137 Evidently he paid for the Heavenly Fast Pass. 1.2909 0.04385 165 126 30 9
1138 Poor guy doesn’t know it’ll be all downhill from there! 1.2908 0.04671 141 107 27 7
1139 He just likes messing with the newbies. 1.2907 0.04420 172 133 28 11
1140 Worry not. We have a way of dealing with line jumpers. 1.2907 0.04420 172 133 28 11
1141 Aah! Another one jumping the queue. 1.2905 0.04315 148 110 33 5
1142 There'll be hell to pay for jumping this line! 1.2905 0.04523 148 112 29 7
1143 Another angel got their skis. 1.2905 0.04523 148 112 29 7
1144 We also have a golf cours 1.2905 0.04226 179 137 32 10
1145 Billionaires... 1.2905 0.04151 179 136 34 9
1146 Uh-oh, here comes George Santos again… and he’s not even dead! 1.2903 0.04753 155 121 23 11
1147 For the last time, it's pearly gates not pearly slopes. 1.2901 0.04350 162 123 31 8
1148 I told him he's going somewhere with extreme temperatures... I don't think he got the memo. 1.2900 0.03856 200 151 40 9
1149 You know the saying, the bigger the air, the closer to God. 1.2899 0.04230 169 128 33 8
1150 He has a multiple area pass. 1.2899 0.04507 138 103 30 5
1151 He has no chance of even finding a snowball down there 1.2898 0.04196 176 134 33 9
1152 Ever since hell froze over,Lucifer has picked up other interests 1.2898 0.04422 176 137 27 12
1153 I gave Jesus ski lessons for his birthday this year. 1.2897 0.04685 145 111 26 8
1154 Well, Jesus did say, ‘leap for joy, for behold, your reward is great in heaven’. 1.2897 0.04582 145 110 28 7
1155 There are, of course, exceptions. 1.2896 0.04088 183 139 35 9
1156 .......or you can just ski in. 1.2895 0.04240 152 113 34 5
1157 He is a legacy admission. 1.2895 0.04342 152 114 32 6
1158 I told the boss trees would create more early arrivals. 1.2892 0.03921 166 122 40 4
1159 He was the example of "The agony of defeat" for The Wide World of Sports every week on earth, so here he gets to experience "The thrill of victory." 1.2892 0.04278 166 126 32 8
1160 Yes,even Heaven you have to watch out for Gwyneth Paltrow. 1.2892 0.04103 166 124 36 6
1161 I've told him over and over - - -you don't have to compete here. 1.2891 0.04854 128 97 25 6
1162 No worries, he'll be here in a minute. 1.2890 0.04321 173 133 30 10
1163 Line jumping isn't a sin, but the public shaming lasts for eternity 1.2890 0.04242 173 132 32 9
1164 Our sportier angels prefer skiing to winging it. 1.2889 0.04205 180 138 32 10
1165 I always thought we were higher up 1.2888 0.04236 187 145 30 12
1166 It is easier to fly in than for a camel to go through the eye of a needle. 1.2887 0.04534 142 107 29 6
1167 Just another snow job. 1.2887 0.04749 142 109 25 8
1168 That's how they are jumping the lines these days. 1.2887 0.04308 142 105 33 4
1169 Well, that’s one way to make an entrance! 1.2887 0.03862 194 146 40 8
1170 We've updated our activity options. Eternity is a very long time. 1.2886 0.04975 149 118 19 12
1171 Oh, that. We put in a bid in to host the Olympics. The Big Guy thought it might improve attendance. 1.2886 0.04596 149 114 27 8
1172 One person's Heaven is another person's Hell. 1.2885 0.04813 156 123 21 12
1173 It's not what you think, he's on his way out 1.2885 0.04169 156 116 35 5
1174 You missed a gate! 1.2885 0.04727 156 122 23 11
1175 Try doing that in hell! 1.2882 0.04290 170 130 31 9
1176 Judge not, lest ye be judged.. 1.2881 0.03938 177 132 39 6
1177 He's Hellbent. 1.2880 0.04141 184 141 33 10
1178 Another gate crasher... 1.2880 0.04068 184 140 35 9
1179 Even here,we have people cutting the lines. 1.2880 0.04141 184 141 33 10
1180 Don't mind Him, it's just a phase. 1.2880 0.05183 125 97 20 8
1181 Lucky guy. Looks like he’s going to get a second chance. 1.2880 0.03681 191 141 45 5
1182 Now that’s what I call aprés ski. 1.2879 0.05217 132 104 18 10
1183 I wish crazy skiers would just go to hell 1.2877 0.04555 146 111 28 7
1184 Give him a few moments and he'll be joining us. 1.2877 0.04555 146 111 28 7
1185 We’re hoping he makes it this time, one way or the other! 1.2877 0.04342 146 109 32 5
1186 Anyone who dies while skiing is automatically admitted. 1.2876 0.04317 153 115 32 6
1187 You can't skate your way through life, but I guess you can ski your way into heaven. 1.2876 0.04416 153 116 30 7
1188 We get a lot of them around here, the statistics are frightening 1.2876 0.04317 153 115 32 6
1189 Another Vail elitist jumping the line... 1.2875 0.04195 160 120 34 6
1190 Ignore him, He still believes Hell will freeze over. 1.2874 0.04256 167 127 32 8
1191 That one's going downhill for eternity. 1.2874 0.04503 167 130 26 11
1192 That’s just another ‘I can handle that black diamond run’ skier.” 1.2874 0.04376 174 135 28 11
1193 They're always looking for new ways to jump the line. 1.2873 0.03959 181 136 38 7
1194 Another gate jumper. 1.2873 0.03801 181 134 42 5
1195 That would be Cher's former husband, Sonny. Just in from purgatory. 1.2873 0.04036 181 137 36 8
1196 Oh, yes, there is a vacation package available. If you get in. 1.2872 0.04349 188 148 26 14
1197 This is the afterlife, sir, not the apres ski. 1.2869 0.05137 122 94 21 7
1198 Yes, we let in one or two a year that way. 1.2868 0.04946 129 99 23 7
1199 Every time a snow Angel falls it gets it’s wings 1.2868 0.04822 129 98 25 6
1200 Michael the Archangel is a bit of a show-off 1.2868 0.04657 136 103 27 6
1201 and of course, our ski conditions are perfect year-round 1.2867 0.04824 143 111 23 9
1202 This is his seventh heaven. 1.2867 0.04471 150 114 29 7
1203 I have him listed here as a standby. 1.2867 0.04370 150 113 31 6
1204 It's one of our skills-based exemptions for entry. 1.2866 0.04432 157 120 29 8
1205 His prayers were answered. 1.2866 0.04243 157 118 33 6
1206 I guess no one told you about the ski pass? 1.2866 0.04127 164 123 35 6
1207 We're a ski-in ski-out resort. 1.2866 0.04127 164 123 35 6
1208 Oh, ignore the snow angels… 1.2865 0.04104 171 129 35 7
1209 Snowboarders go straight to hell. 1.2865 0.04579 171 135 23 13
1210 …and no lift lines 1.2865 0.04019 171 128 37 6
1211 Oh, he paid for TSA pre. 1.2865 0.04104 171 129 35 7
1212 Gotta close that loophole! 1.2865 0.03919 178 133 39 6
1213 This establishment has a strict no snowboard policy. 1.2865 0.03810 192 144 41 7
1214 He might stick the landing, or he might crash and burn. God only knows. 1.2865 0.03951 192 146 37 9
1215 Remember him? He's the ABC "Agony of Defeat" Guy. 1.2857 0.04317 168 129 30 9
1216 We have a special section just for moguls. 1.2857 0.04208 147 109 34 4
1217 There is a special place for snowboarders 1.2857 0.04530 161 125 26 10
1218 It's Elon Musk. He owns the sky and just raised our rent. 1.2857 0.04892 140 109 22 9
1219 precheck 1.2857 0.03846 189 142 40 7
1220 The powder is to die for. 1.2857 0.04289 203 162 24 17
1221 Many entrants are surprised He doesn’t just lie around on His Day of Rest… 1.2857 0.04428 175 137 26 12
1222 That’s God. He skis when he’s not playing doctor. 1.2857 0.04399 168 130 28 10
1223 Snow angels need a vacation too. 1.2857 0.04677 140 107 26 7
1224 It’s aprés-aprés-ski 1.2857 0.04200 175 134 32 9
1225 You’ll be meeting him any second now. 1.2857 0.04193 154 115 34 5
1226 We have a limited number of set-asides for athletes and legacies. 1.2857 0.04016 182 138 36 8
1227 It generally takes good deeds to get in, but a gold medal in the ski jump works, too. 1.2857 0.04424 147 111 30 6
1228 He’ll be here in a few minutes. 1.2857 0.04672 154 120 24 10
1229 There goes Saint Olaf... 1.2857 0.04237 182 141 30 11
1230 He once worked field service for IBM. They get waved-in with the rest of the martyrs, no questions asked. 1.2857 0.04129 189 146 32 11
1231 Alot of people confuse slalom with shalom 1.2857 0.04277 175 135 30 10
1232 We always recommend the eternal lift pass. 1.2857 0.04200 175 134 32 9
1233 If they call it ‘Colorado’ instead of ‘Aspen’, they go right through. 1.2857 0.03919 189 143 38 8
1234 You know what they say. "It's all downhill from here.' 1.2857 0.04399 168 130 28 10
1235 Whoa! Jesus shreds! 1.2857 0.04428 175 137 26 12
1236 Does he know there's no snow there? 1.2850 0.04068 193 149 33 11
1237 Securing our border is going to be a big election issue next year.. 1.2849 0.04172 186 144 31 11
1238 No matter how you look at it, it's all downhill from here. 1.2849 0.04498 179 142 23 14
1239 Hmm. Usually they skate by. 1.2849 0.03819 179 133 41 5
1240 Hey! You! Get off of my cloud! 1.2849 0.03980 179 135 37 7
1241 Rich men were struggling with the whole eye of the needle thing, so they learned to ski. 1.2849 0.04135 179 137 33 9
1242 It’s all downhill after death. 1.2849 0.04210 179 138 31 10
1243 Yes, we have border security problems up here too." 1.2849 0.04247 172 132 31 9
1244 Is that the guy who tried getting in on a camel earlier? 1.2848 0.04282 165 126 31 8
1245 Good Lord! There's always someone who cuts the line! 1.2848 0.04195 165 125 33 7
1246 Another one of the benefits of TSA Pre-check. 1.2848 0.04498 158 122 27 9
1247 Our season pass holders get priority. 1.2848 0.04220 158 119 33 6
1248 Wave hi to Jesus! 1.2848 0.04498 158 122 27 9
1249 Where did you think TSA came up with PreCheck? 1.2848 0.04640 151 117 25 9
1250 He took the high road 1.2848 0.04345 151 114 31 6
1251 We just added a black diamond run to Heaven’s Mountain and everyone’s dying to try it. 1.2848 0.04640 151 117 25 9
1252 Wait for it, wait for it...... 1.2847 0.04480 144 109 29 6
1253 looks like he had a fast pass 1.2847 0.04627 137 104 27 6
1254 Shalom ... or should I say, Slalom? 1.2847 0.04510 137 103 29 5
1255 You see what I mean? People are just dying to get in here. 1.2846 0.04968 123 94 23 6
1256 Did he just jump the line? 1.2842 0.03756 190 142 42 6
1257 Not everyone's dying to get in 1.2842 0.04072 183 140 34 9
1258 Yes, bucket lists still work up here. 1.2841 0.04021 176 133 36 7
1259 Technically, if he sticks the landing he can stay. 1.2841 0.04256 176 136 30 10
1260 It's the guy who crashed on the opening of ABC's Wide World of Sports. He gets to finish his jump up here. 1.2840 0.04212 169 129 32 8
1261 Relax - it’s set in Heaven, but it wasn’t actually filmed here. 1.2840 0.04127 169 128 34 7
1262 Well that’s a new twist on a leap of faith. 1.2840 0.04295 169 130 30 9
1263 Gabriel got new skis for Christmas... 1.2840 0.04041 169 127 36 6
1264 There goeth the agony of defeat. 1.2840 0.04590 162 127 24 11
1265 Some people have their own definition of heaven. 1.2840 0.04419 162 125 28 9
1266 The prodigal son...need I say more? 1.2839 0.04645 155 121 24 10
1267 There's fresh powder every hour. 1.2839 0.04554 155 120 26 9
1268 There's a 50% chance you'll meet him later 1.2839 0.04461 155 119 28 8
1269 It be more impressive if we had gravity up here. 1.2839 0.04735 155 122 22 11
1270 I knew that with climate change, they were moving the slopes higher, but this is ridiculous. 1.2839 0.04170 155 116 34 5
1271 It's my busiest season. 1.2839 0.04068 155 115 36 4
1272 He's headed to Purgatory. 1.2838 0.04292 148 111 32 5
1273 Getting in is easy. Getting a lift pass is the hard part. 1.2838 0.04072 148 109 36 3
1274 We replaced the stairway with a chair lift. 1.2837 0.04425 141 106 30 5
1275 Oh, that's one of our Premium Members 1.2837 0.04538 141 107 28 6
1276 You'd think he'd know that missing the gate means instant disqualifi...er...damnation! 1.2837 0.04648 141 108 26 7
1277 Sadly his TSA PreCheck approval was still pending, so I'm afraid he'll soon be regretting that cold weather gear too. 1.2837 0.04756 141 109 24 8
1278 Yeah. Apparently we’re hosting the Afterlife Olympics this year. 1.2837 0.04538 141 107 28 6
1279 Yes, its fun until you get to the bottom. 1.2836 0.04809 134 103 24 7
1280 For everything there is a season" 1.2835 0.04987 127 98 22 7
1281 Dude got some serious air. 1.2835 0.04860 127 97 24 6
1282 He pays for Heaven Premium. 1.2834 0.03939 187 142 37 8
1283 Yeah walls don’t work up here either. 1.2833 0.04115 180 138 33 9
1284 Well acutually, where we're sending him there is no snow. 1.2833 0.04189 180 139 31 10
1285 Ever since hell froze over we've been plagued by these darn dare devils. 1.2833 0.03961 180 136 37 7
1286 He's scheduled for next week. 1.2832 0.04225 173 133 31 9
1287 Climate change has forced the World Cup to move their starting gates to higher elevations 1.2832 0.04381 173 135 27 11
1288 The Swiss always seem to get in, first. Something about neutrality. 1.2832 0.04225 173 133 31 9
1289 We forgot to tell you? Hell’s hot, but we’re cold as hell? 1.2831 0.04173 166 126 33 7
1290 He had a TSA Precheck account. 1.2831 0.04344 166 128 29 9
1291 He had a lift ticket to paradise. 1.2830 0.04561 159 124 25 10
1292 Wrong gate! 1.2830 0.04561 159 124 25 10
1293 Gotta give him a 10 for that jump! 1.2830 0.04383 159 122 29 8
1294 The clouds don’t provide the kind of landing I think he expects. 1.2830 0.04291 159 121 31 7
1295 It looks dangerous, but the slopes are forgiving. 1.2829 0.04320 152 115 31 6
1296 Goddamn Norwegians! 1.2829 0.04706 152 119 23 10
1297 This happens every time hell freezes over. 1.2828 0.04559 145 111 27 7
1298 Lift tickets are optional. 1.2828 0.04118 145 107 35 3
1299 If he sticks the landing he deserves to be in. 1.2826 0.04125 184 142 32 10
1300 I guess the wall isn’t high enough. 1.2826 0.03827 184 138 40 6
1301 Oh ... just another atheist; they don't play by our rules. 1.2826 0.04712 138 106 25 7
1302 As I was saying, it's all downhill from here. 1.2826 0.04125 184 142 32 10
1303 He thought that ain't no mountain high enough 1.2826 0.04931 138 108 21 9
1304 He will be on line here shortly. 1.2825 0.04235 177 137 30 10
1305 Smart ass. 1.2825 0.04081 177 135 34 8
1306 Only one rule in ski heaven... no snowboarding 1.2824 0.04106 170 129 34 7
1307 Big mogul. 1.2824 0.03844 170 126 40 4
1308 His last black diamond run. 1.2824 0.04021 170 128 36 6
1309 I think this elevation is a little higher than he was expecting 1.2824 0.04190 170 130 32 8
1310 Whoa! We have a gate-crasher. 1.2824 0.04190 170 130 32 8
1311 Does he know that there’s no snow down there 1.2824 0.04190 170 130 32 8
1312 Or you can bribe me. 1.2824 0.04353 170 132 28 10
1313 Another one who wants to skip the paperwork. 1.2822 0.04396 163 126 28 9
1314 There are all manner of ways to enter the Kingdom. But, some are faster than others. 1.2822 0.04220 163 124 32 7
1315 Austrians. 1.2822 0.04129 163 123 34 6
1316 Wait 'till he tries to land. 1.2821 0.04619 156 122 24 10
1317 Don’t mind him; he is Norwegian. 1.2821 0.04795 156 124 20 12
1318 Don't believe the Red Bull ads. He's going to Hell. 1.2821 0.04708 156 123 22 11
1319 In a moment we'll have an opening for someone experienced in setting leg bones. 1.2821 0.04246 156 118 32 6
1320 Everything is downhill for that one. 1.2821 0.03898 195 149 37 9
1321 That Jesus, such a rascal. 1.2819 0.04201 188 147 29 12
1322 Since we’re all here, now seems like a good time to mention that we are hosting the 2748 Winter Olympics. 1.2819 0.04269 188 148 27 13
1323 People talk a lot about hell's heat, but usually don't realise how cold it is in heaven... 1.2819 0.04575 149 115 26 8
1324 After the Red Sea incident,Moses switched to winter sports. 1.2819 0.04769 149 117 22 10
1325 That's just Cloud Patrol. 1.2818 0.04314 181 142 27 12
1326 She bought the sports class indulgence! 1.2818 0.03863 181 136 39 6
1327 He's gonna wish he had a jet ski when he lands in the River Styx. 1.2817 0.04620 142 109 26 7
1328 He was warned, the gate is narrow. 1.2817 0.04831 142 111 22 9
1329 We offer the ultimate in out of bounds skiing. 1.2817 0.04831 142 111 22 9
1330 Looks like he is already in Heaven. 1.2817 0.04831 142 111 22 9
1331 The Big Guy still fast tracks Olympians. It's his take on nepotism. 1.2817 0.04727 142 110 24 8
1332 You get to do that when you are promoted to Archangel. 1.2815 0.05004 135 106 20 9
1333 You’ve been assigned to spend eternity at Temple Beth Slalom. 1.2814 0.04063 167 126 35 6
1334 See above for recreational activities. 1.2814 0.04322 167 129 29 9
1335 All winter sports are included in your resort fees. 1.2814 0.04063 167 126 35 6
1336 Oh my -- another asylum seeker from Hades... 1.2814 0.04237 167 128 31 8
1337 He will be entering shortly! 1.2812 0.05312 128 102 16 10
1338 What do you have to offer for the talent portion of the entrance exam? 1.2810 0.04586 153 119 25 9
1339 His sin was hubris. 1.2810 0.04491 153 118 27 8
1340 Welcome to the après-ski-life. 1.2810 0.04770 153 121 21 11
1341 I understand lift tickets are expensive, but admission to this place is priceless. 1.2810 0.04194 153 115 33 5
1342 To air is human, to land divine. 1.2810 0.04194 153 115 33 5
1343 That's how all the skiers get in, but we never let them stay. 1.2810 0.04194 153 115 33 5
1344 That "Agony of Defeat" guy finally made it. 1.2809 0.04289 178 139 28 11
1345 Those Alpine ski jumpers always go for big air. I think this one broke the record. 1.2808 0.04208 146 109 33 4
1346 He took a lot of risks in life too. 1.2807 0.03734 171 126 42 3
1347 *Sigh* He's been trying to stick the landing ever since that unfortunate practice run. 1.2807 0.04001 171 129 36 6
1348 For that, he's going straight to Hell. 1.2807 0.04169 171 131 32 8
1349 The other place appears to have frozen over. 1.2807 0.04169 171 131 32 8
1350 No,thanks. We want palm trees. 1.2807 0.04169 171 131 32 8
1351 Always somebody trying to jump the queue. 1.2807 0.04169 171 131 32 8
1352 Now that’s what I call a leap of faith. 1.2806 0.04793 139 108 23 8
1353 The Norwegians use a different entrance. 1.2806 0.04682 139 107 25 7
1354 Be advised: even inside, a slippery slope to the bottom remains. 1.2806 0.05005 139 110 19 10
1355 Another illegal entry. We thought building the wall would fix that. 1.2806 0.04682 139 107 25 7
1356 He has Pearly Gates Pre. 1.2806 0.04793 139 108 23 8
1357 They'll try anything to avoid a few simple questions. 1.2805 0.04286 164 126 30 8
1358 He’s got Global Entry” 1.2805 0.04197 164 125 32 7
1359 Slalom, shalom, salaam! 1.2805 0.04540 164 129 24 11
1360 That's a Doctors Without Borders volunteer. 1.2803 0.04726 132 101 25 6
1361 You can't just skate into here. 1.2803 0.04223 157 119 32 6
1362 Wow, the skiing conditions are just heavenly. 1.2803 0.04318 157 120 30 7
1363 See you soon. 1.2802 0.03766 182 136 41 5
1364 And here I thought he was going downhill. 1.2800 0.04243 150 113 32 5
1365 It was quicker this way, and it saved a tree. 1.2800 0.04549 150 116 26 8
1366 He’ll know soon enough: When you jump the line, you land in Hell. 1.2800 0.04646 150 117 24 9
1367 When we go high, they go higher! 1.2800 0.04183 175 135 31 9
1368 Donald again. Third attempt this week! — Security, release the griffins. 1.2800 0.04559 175 140 21 14
1369 He paid extra for the Fast-Pass. 1.2798 0.03953 168 126 37 5
1370 Skiers go express, snowboarders wait in line. 1.2795 0.04424 161 125 27 9
1371 That's the Norwegian EZPass lane. 1.2795 0.04245 161 123 31 7
1372 The only guy who got his money's worth for the lift pass. 1.2792 0.04466 154 119 27 8
1373 We're still working on beefing up border control. 1.2792 0.04370 154 118 29 7
1374 We get a lot of skiers this time of year… 1.2792 0.04370 154 118 29 7
1375 It's a great strategy until hell freezes over. 1.2791 0.04229 172 133 30 9
1376 We have heavenly sports, too. Skiing on a cloud is just one. 1.2791 0.04148 172 132 32 8
1377 That reminds me — none of you snowboard, right? 1.2789 0.04708 147 115 23 9
1378 They might not be fit to pass through the pearly gates, but they are fit enough to jump over. 1.2789 0.04608 147 114 25 8
1379 We get the occasional ski-in. 1.2788 0.04175 165 126 32 7
1380 Nice to still see skiers. They are mostly coming in on snowboards these days. 1.2788 0.04349 165 128 28 9
1381 Downhill sinner 1.2787 0.04056 183 141 33 9
1382 Hold on, I need to call down to security and let them know Bob’s trying to bypass the gate again. 1.2787 0.03748 183 137 41 5
1383 He prepaid for a season pass. 1.2786 0.04064 140 103 35 2
1384 Let us pray . 1.2786 0.04653 140 108 25 7
1385 First it was the walking on water and now this!Jeez! 1.2785 0.04567 158 124 24 10
1386 Heaven must've frozen over. 1.2784 0.04083 176 135 33 8
1387 But no snowboarders make it in. 1.2783 0.04870 115 87 24 4
1388 He's a gold medal winner. 1.2781 0.04522 151 117 26 8
1389 Though risky, the fast route is gaining in popularity 1.2781 0.04322 151 115 30 6
1390 Nice try. But he's still going to hell. 1.2781 0.04423 151 116 28 7
1391 He’s in the express lane. 1.2781 0.04423 151 116 28 7
1392 You could have taken the ski lift up here. 1.2781 0.04423 151 116 28 7
1393 You're at the wrong gate. This is the snowy gate. For further information, download the "Gatefinder" app, scroll down to "Limbo" and tap "Pearly." 1.2781 0.04358 169 132 27 10
1394 Hey That’s Cheating!! 1.2781 0.04277 169 131 29 9
1395 Once in a while, we throw one back. 1.2781 0.04358 169 132 27 10
1396 Security! 1.2781 0.04358 169 132 27 10
1397 For the record he's going for the longest jump into eternity! 1.2781 0.04137 187 146 30 11
1398 We found it quicker to allow entry directly from the black-diamond course. 1.2778 0.04487 162 127 25 10
1399 That’s God. He thinks he’s Jean-Claude Killey 1.2778 0.04312 162 125 29 8
1400 Another Norwegian long hill jumper - got him. Next! 1.2778 0.05242 126 100 17 9
1401 It's the giant shalom. 1.2778 0.04222 162 124 31 7
1402 That guy? He also figured out how to squeeze a camel through the eye of needle. 1.2778 0.04736 162 130 19 13
1403 I know this sounds crass,but how long is the chairlift line? 1.2778 0.04346 144 109 30 5
1404 Oh,he had TSA pre-check. 1.2778 0.04116 144 107 34 3
1405 I have said for millenia that walls don't work. 1.2775 0.03868 191 146 37 8
1406 Unfortunately it's all downhill from here. 1.2775 0.04208 173 134 30 9
1407 Oh, him? The agony of defeat. 1.2774 0.04148 155 117 33 5
1408 Illegal immigrants. 1.2774 0.04248 155 118 31 6
1409 When spellcheck doesn’t catch Slalom for Shalom. 1.2774 0.04441 155 120 27 8
1410 No worries,he'll keep going downhill. 1.2774 0.04717 137 106 24 7
1411 That Jesus, he always has to make an entrance! 1.2774 0.04830 137 107 22 8
1412 Just don't tell him you're snowboarders 1.2774 0.04940 137 108 20 9
1413 That’s what landed him here. 1.2774 0.04484 137 104 28 5
1414 He'll have to stick the landing if he's going to be judged worthy. 1.2774 0.04602 137 105 26 6
1415 He should be here any minute. 1.2773 0.04910 119 91 23 5
1416 There goes another pushy Norwegian. 1.2771 0.04241 166 128 30 8
1417 Oh, he's from Tahoe. 1.2770 0.04269 148 112 31 5
1418 and the lord said let there be flight' 1.2770 0.04479 148 114 27 7
1419 Their entitlement knows no bounds. 1.2770 0.04680 148 116 23 9
1420 Miniature golf and ski - first cloud to your right. 1.2770 0.04375 148 113 29 6
1421 That's Gary. Don't ask him about skiing or you'll forget you're in heaven. 1.2770 0.04580 148 115 25 8
1422 Yeah, we agreed a long time ago. We get to host the Winter Olympics up here, and the Summer Olympics are held down in that other place. 1.2769 0.05124 130 103 18 9
1423 Oy Vey! 1.2768 0.03734 177 132 41 4
1424 No means no, Kissinger! 1.2767 0.04363 159 123 28 8
1425 He is the best hope for the cloud nine team ! 1.2767 0.04271 159 122 30 7
1426 Yeah, the Bible never mentions it, but that’s a valid way in. 1.2767 0.04453 159 124 26 9
1427 They sent him up here because Hell hasnt frozen over yet. 1.2767 0.04363 159 123 28 8
1428 So once you reach the Pearly Gates, it's all downhill from here. 1.2767 0.04453 159 124 26 9
1429 One man's paradise is another man's ski slope. 1.2766 0.04513 141 108 27 6
1430 Oh, he's pre-checked under our frequent dier program. 1.2766 0.04513 141 108 27 6
1431 I think he's headed down the slipperiest slope of them all. 1.2765 0.04415 170 134 25 11
1432 He will regret that when he lands on those streets made of gold. 1.2765 0.04172 170 131 31 8
1433 You think white privilege ends on Earth? 1.2764 0.05072 123 96 20 7
1434 He really needed to get the hell out of here 1.2763 0.04195 152 115 32 5
1435 Now where does he think HE'S going? 1.2762 0.04002 181 139 34 8
1436 Yes, he was famous for the agony of defeat. 1.2761 0.04665 134 103 25 6
1437 Well, when did it freeze over? 1.2761 0.04784 134 104 23 7
1438 Evil? No, it’s Evel Knievel 1.2761 0.04784 134 104 23 7
1439 It’s the fast track for saints. 1.2761 0.04900 134 105 21 8
1440 You're going to have to wait for a table. Looks like my 11:30 just arrived. 1.2761 0.04665 134 103 25 6
1441 On our website, heaven.org, there’s an option to avoid the wait at the gate. 1.2761 0.04665 134 103 25 6
1442 Some arrive here just before they are departed. 1.2761 0.04200 163 125 31 7
1443 He's going to miss the gate! 1.2761 0.03920 163 122 37 4
1444 The Lord works in mysterious ways. 1.2761 0.04376 163 127 27 9
1445 That's how He makes snow angels. 1.2759 0.04987 116 89 22 5
1446 A teeny-tiny typo on our brochure and suddenly we're the 'Celestial Ski Haven'. 1.2759 0.04941 145 116 18 11
1447 That's our new EZpass option. 1.2759 0.04536 145 112 26 7
1448 Yea, He can walk on water too! 1.2759 0.04843 145 115 20 10
1449 That's a bit over the top 1.2759 0.04429 145 111 28 6
1450 At least "the agony of defeat" has a happy ending 1.2759 0.04743 145 114 22 9
1451 Clever, but he’ll never stick the landing. 1.2756 0.04125 156 118 33 5
1452 That's called jumping the queue . 1.2756 0.04224 156 119 31 6
1453 Well, That's new.... 1.2756 0.04224 156 119 31 6
1454 Some are more eager to arrive than others. 1.2756 0.04832 127 98 23 6
1455 Trust me, you can’t afford the lift passes. 1.2753 0.03964 178 136 35 7
1456 You'll have to go to the other place if you want to see snowboarders. 1.2753 0.04272 178 140 27 11
1457 Yes, its a rich man's sport. But, more power to him, he slalomed right through the eye of the needle. 1.2752 0.04553 149 116 25 8
1458 Yes, border security is a problem. 1.2752 0.04349 149 114 29 6
1459 We also let skiers in heaven 1.2752 0.04453 149 115 27 7
1460 That's no way to cut the line. I guess she doesn't know there no place to land. 1.2752 0.04453 149 115 27 7
1461 He's not jumping the line, he's just showing off for Gabriel. 1.2752 0.04244 149 113 31 5
1462 Apparently the Express Lane is now open. 1.2752 0.04453 149 115 27 7
1463 He'll get eternal bliss, with a slight deduction for missing the gate. 1.2750 0.04154 160 122 32 6
1464 If he makes it into heaven alive, my reputation is ruined. 1.2750 0.04058 160 121 34 5
1465 He’s just here until Hell freezes over. 1.2750 0.04517 160 126 24 10
1466 Different rules for moguls. 1.2750 0.03860 160 119 38 3
1467 Must be some mogul 1.2749 0.04151 171 132 31 8
1468 We’re hosting a super-G. The big guy likes the name. 1.2748 0.04605 131 100 26 5
1469 We're not quite as high up as everyone seems to think. 1.2747 0.03983 182 140 34 8
1470 Vail ruined this place too? 1.2746 0.04486 142 109 27 6
1471 Yes, he should be in line any minute now. 1.2745 0.04565 153 120 24 9
1472 Ski-Z Pass 1.2745 0.04067 153 115 34 4
1473 The pearly gates are not as high as they used to be. 1.2745 0.04067 153 115 34 4
1474 Wait until you see where he lands. 1.2744 0.04087 164 125 33 6
1475 Jesus is risen, folks! 1.2744 0.04178 164 126 31 7
1476 Beat that and you're in 1.2744 0.04178 164 126 31 7
1477 Holy Shit. 1.2742 0.05036 124 97 20 7
1478 He's off course. This is the final gate. 1.2741 0.04753 135 105 23 7
1479 Wait, are we in the wrong line? 1.2741 0.04390 135 102 29 4
1480 Norwegians. They have season passes. 1.2740 0.04403 146 112 28 6
1481 Yes, admission does come with access to the Pearly Slopes.” 1.2739 0.04103 157 119 33 5
1482 Yes, ski jumping is the only way out of purgatory. 1.2739 0.04391 157 122 27 8
1483 Oh him? He signed up for keyless entry 1.2739 0.04483 157 123 25 9
1484 We really need to work on border security. 1.2739 0.04297 157 121 29 7
1485 Dinner for four? 1.2738 0.04363 168 132 26 10
1486 Don't worry. When he finds out we don't have a lift, he'll be outa here. 1.2737 0.03945 179 137 35 7
1487 Am I the only one around here who gives a shit about the rules? 1.2737 0.04251 179 141 27 11
1488 How come no one told us you could get in that way? 1.2734 0.04658 139 108 24 7
1489 Skiiway to heaven 1.2734 0.04428 139 106 28 5
1490 Oh Jesus...No, I mean that really is Jesus. 1.2734 0.04768 139 109 22 8
1491 Don’t mind him. He’ll eventually wind up in line with the rest of you. 1.2733 0.04427 150 116 27 7
1492 Well, at least he made it. I can't tell you how many times we've had to repair the fence. 1.2733 0.04526 150 117 25 8
1493 Now you know - Vermont is Heaven. 1.2733 0.04220 150 114 31 5
1494 I can't tell if he's flying through the air or skiing down a hill, either. 1.2733 0.04427 150 116 27 7
1495 Few will enter, but even fewer will afford the lift pass. 1.2733 0.04324 150 115 29 6
1496 He sold his soul to the devil for a season’s pass 1.2733 0.04112 150 113 33 4
1497 Poor fellow, there is no ski lift for where he’s going. 1.2733 0.04225 161 124 30 7
1498 Don’t mind him. He’s been going downhill since he got here. 1.2733 0.04225 161 124 30 7
1499 See, this is why you can't "just build a wall"! 1.2733 0.04405 161 126 26 9
1500 We've recently added a lift to Cloud 9. 1.2733 0.04132 161 123 32 6
1501 And on Wednesdays, Christopher guides the more experienced skiers through our back woods trails. 1.2733 0.03961 172 131 35 6
1502 Sorry folks, he has a Fast Pass. 1.2732 0.03810 183 139 38 6
1503 That's a jump maneuver called 'Eye of the Needle' 1.2727 0.04458 143 110 27 6
1504 'if you think that's cool, wait until you see the fondue' 1.2727 0.03974 165 125 35 5
1505 Table for three? 1.2727 0.04330 165 129 27 9
1506 We give the fund managers a view of what could have been. 1.2727 0.04249 154 118 30 6
1507 Frigging Agnostics! 1.2727 0.04458 143 110 27 6
1508 Oh, for St. Pete's sake, here comes another one skipping the line! 1.2727 0.04155 165 127 31 7
1509 Some people skate on through, some ski. 1.2727 0.04568 143 111 25 7
1510 I see your fourth for bridge is about to arrive. 1.2727 0.04939 132 104 20 8
1511 The ski jumps seem to get higher and higher every year. 1.2727 0.04939 132 104 20 8
1512 Oh Schuss! There he goes again 1.2727 0.03783 165 123 39 3
1513 OMG is that Skesus!? 1.2727 0.04243 165 128 29 8
1514 He’s rounding the final gate! 1.2722 0.03926 180 138 35 7
1515 Willfully passing the gates of leisure and normal knees for a final plunge downhill and the potential fall before the finish line...what a familiar story my friends. 1.2722 0.04089 169 130 32 7
1516 Still, it looks a lot easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle.” 1.2722 0.04258 169 132 28 9
1517 He's happy in heaven. He used to be known as the Agony of Defeat. 1.2722 0.04175 169 131 30 8
1518 Weirdly, that's the only other way in here. 1.2722 0.03913 169 128 36 5
1519 Yep he hit a tree. Been with us 40 years. 1.2722 0.04367 158 123 27 8
1520 If you can do that, you don't have to talk with me to get inside. 1.2721 0.04784 147 117 20 10
1521 He never really wanted to wait his turn. That was his problem." 1.2721 0.04377 147 113 28 6
1522 He's on the new Ecumenical Pass. It lets you skip the lines at all the major posthumous destinations. 1.2721 0.04377 147 113 28 6
1523 OMG, why do I even bother with this list anymore 1.2721 0.04482 147 114 26 7
1524 Yes, that’s how we test if an angel did, in fact, get their wings 1.2721 0.04836 136 107 21 8
1525 I tell brahs, it is easier for a gaper to smash a switch double cork 1440 than for a rich person to enter the Kingdom of Heaven." 1.2720 0.05252 125 100 16 9
1526 Oh, trust me. His final judgement is being rendered as we determined. 1.2719 0.04542 114 85 27 2
1527 Now, THAT is some epic air. 1.2719 0.04871 114 87 23 4
1528 We are blessed, folks. God’s vacation is over. He’s back. 1.2717 0.04026 173 133 33 7
1529 He is going to Norwegian Heaven 1.2717 0.04269 173 136 27 10
1530 Yes, we have eternally good conditions at heavenly valley. 1.2717 0.04109 173 134 31 8
1531 He's going too fast and has no helmet. I may be seeing him soon. 1.2715 0.04401 151 117 27 7
1532 We have skiing but no moguls. 1.2715 0.04299 151 116 29 6
1533 Up here, there are no slippery slopes! 1.2715 0.04500 151 118 25 8
1534 And that's the other way in. 1.2715 0.03979 151 113 35 3
1535 Who knew Heaven would be cold as Hell? 1.2713 0.04766 129 100 23 6
1536 Yes. Heaven is on the EPIC Pass, but up here there are no lines. 1.2713 0.04637 129 99 25 5
1537 And whereas you three actually read the back of your lift tickets before dying in the avalanche, you can go right in. 1.2712 0.05058 118 92 20 6
1538 I guess Red Bull really does give you wings. 1.2712 0.05058 118 92 20 6
1539 He thinks he's got a world record. He's going to flip when I tell him he fell off the ski jump ramp 1.2711 0.04391 166 131 25 10
1540 Apparently there are easier ways to get into Heaven. 1.2710 0.04225 155 119 30 6
1541 Thank God my ski instructor has finally arrived. 1.2710 0.04022 155 117 34 4
1542 No snow where he's going 1.2710 0.04323 155 120 28 7
1543 Yes, just like they say in the ads, it’s a skier’s paradise. 1.2708 0.04431 144 111 27 6
1544 That’s why we built the wall. 1.2708 0.04540 144 112 25 7
1545 "Oh him? He has PreCheck." 1.2708 0.04431 144 111 27 6
1546 Try it. It won’t kill you! 1.2708 0.04431 144 111 27 6
1547 Being "the agony of defeat" for so long gave him a free pass. 1.2708 0.04431 144 111 27 6
1548 Oh, that’s Ingmar. He arrives this afternoon. 1.2707 0.04789 133 104 22 7
1549 I don't think he understands that even if he sticks the landing, he'll keep falling. 1.2706 0.04236 170 133 28 9
1550 We need to build a bigger wall.. 1.2705 0.05210 122 97 17 8
1551 Blessed are those that Shred the Gnar. 1.2703 0.04558 148 116 24 8
1552 Yes, we have an accelerated entry program 1.2703 0.04215 185 147 26 12
1553 Well, he paid to fast track admission. 1.2703 0.04558 148 116 24 8
1554 He expects that Hell will be frozen over. 1.2703 0.04657 148 117 22 9
1555 Runners may get high, but skiers ascend. 1.2703 0.04657 148 117 22 9
1556 No, now that you mention it, I don't think I've ever seen a snowboarder up here. 1.2703 0.04456 148 115 26 7
1557 After Border Patrol apprehends him,he'll wish he wasn't dressed so warmly. 1.2703 0.04851 148 119 18 11
1558 Holy, jumpin’ Jesus! 1.2703 0.04779 111 84 24 3
1559 We're trying to keep them separated from the snowboarders this year. 1.2703 0.04351 148 114 28 6
1560 Yes, passes are still available, with purchase of our upgrade package, of course. 1.2703 0.04244 148 113 30 5
1561 Going for the gold. 1.2701 0.04006 174 134 33 7
1562 That's God training for the Olympics. No one has told him about global warming yet. 1.2701 0.05023 137 110 17 10
1563 He hasn't got a prayer to win. 1.2701 0.04335 137 104 29 4
1564 He misheard me: I said there's-no tomorrow. 1.2701 0.04576 137 106 25 6
1565 His slippery slope arguments finally paid off. 1.2701 0.04457 137 105 27 5
1566 He’ll be along in a minute! 1.2699 0.03898 163 123 36 4
1567 Joke's on him - you can't get in without a lift pass. 1.2699 0.04357 163 128 26 9
1568 Thats Hans, poor soul, still trying to out run that avalanche. 1.2699 0.04443 163 129 24 10
1569 Yeah; he’s from Colorado, and prayed for fresh snow 24/7, so we answered his prayers. 1.2698 0.04835 126 98 22 6
1570 She’s also a published author. 1.2698 0.03871 189 146 35 8
1571 It’s OK, his parents paid for an athletic scholarship. 1.2698 0.04565 126 96 26 4
1572 Don't worry. He's heading "downhell." 1.2697 0.04474 152 119 25 8
1573 Ok, so perhaps there are some loopholes........ 1.2697 0.04570 152 120 23 9
1574 Sin is a slippery slope. 1.2697 0.03957 152 114 35 3
1575 That's Chad. He's a Gnarly angel. 1.2697 0.04375 152 118 27 7
1576 He's not wearing a helmet. He'll be in line with you shortly. 1.2697 0.04066 152 115 33 4
1577 They are always trying new ways to sneak in! 1.2697 0.04275 152 117 29 6
1578 I guess for him it's all downhill. 1.2695 0.04256 141 107 30 4
1579 That's the "Agony of Defeat" guy. It's not going to end well for him here either. 1.2695 0.04599 141 110 24 7
1580 Yeah, that’s Dave. Big donor to the Church. 1.2695 0.04488 141 109 26 6
1581 Well, you can ask him what he was thinking shortly when he gets in line behind you. 1.2695 0.04599 141 110 24 7
1582 Every day is a powder day, so he loves to show off for newcomers. 1.2695 0.04815 141 112 20 9
1583 I expect we'll be meeting that one shortly. 1.2695 0.04112 167 129 31 7
1584 It's not generally known but Olympic medal winners can take it with them. 1.2695 0.04284 167 131 27 9
1585 Yes that’s the big guy. He thinks he’s Jean-Claude Killy. 1.2695 0.04284 167 131 27 9
1586 He’s just passing by on his way to the other place. 1.2695 0.03840 167 126 37 4
1587 We try to do something special for Olympic athletes. 1.2692 0.04299 156 121 28 7
1588 Let us pause on this slolom occasion 1.2692 0.04734 130 101 23 6
1589 I hear some sports are transcendental. 1.2692 0.04979 130 103 19 8
1590 He paid for the fast pass. 1.2692 0.04202 156 120 30 6
1591 He’s going for the gold. 1.2692 0.04606 130 100 25 5
1592 Somebody’s getting a happy ending, for sure 1.2692 0.04606 130 100 25 5
1593 Where he’s going he won’t need those warm clothes. 1.2690 0.03962 171 131 34 6
1594 Why do you think it’s called Heavenly? 1.2690 0.04374 171 136 24 11
1595 Surely, not a medalist. 1.2690 0.04295 145 111 29 5
1596 Our elevation does have its complications. 1.2690 0.04405 145 112 27 6
1597 He's hell bent on getting in here! 1.2690 0.04182 145 110 31 4
1598 He's about to be way out over his skis. 1.2689 0.05161 119 94 18 7
1599 Apparently, he took advantage of a rare cold day in hell. 1.2689 0.05429 119 96 14 9
1600 Hell freezing over wasn't a problem. The ski jump they installed, though... 1.2688 0.04318 160 125 27 8
1601 Oh,not to worry. He has an appointment with Saint Bernard. 1.2688 0.04318 160 125 27 8
1602 It’s the quickest way in. 1.2687 0.04757 134 105 22 7
1603 He thinks it’s just a flyover. 1.2687 0.04259 134 101 30 3
1604 Yes, but when He does wipe out, it's spectacular. 1.2687 0.04637 134 104 24 6
1605 It's true. If you don't look down you keep going. 1.2687 0.04515 134 103 26 5
1606 You'd think he'd be scared of skiing after what happened. 1.2686 0.04303 175 139 25 11
1607 Happens every 4 years 1.2685 0.04915 149 121 16 12
1608 Ski is the limit! 1.2685 0.03999 149 112 34 3
1609 That's Peter for you. 1.2685 0.03999 149 112 34 3
1610 We recently included a ski resort to attract billionaires to Heaven. So far, only one has qualified! 1.2685 0.04111 149 113 32 4
1611 "Hmm, it looks like Claude hit that tree ahead of schedule." 1.2683 0.04333 164 129 26 9
1612 Express Lane 1.2682 0.03846 179 137 36 6
1613 Rest in Piste 1.2681 0.04546 138 107 25 6
1614 And in the summer it's skateboards. 1.2680 0.04148 153 117 31 5
1615 Correct,the snowboarders are at the other place. 1.2680 0.04544 153 121 23 9
1616 No lifts running, icey trails, wet gloves, no hot cocoa. Welcome to Hell. 1.2680 0.04637 153 122 21 10
1617 Lucky for him, the Boss likes winter sports. 1.2680 0.04148 153 117 31 5
1618 Bond, James Bond. 1.2680 0.04544 153 121 23 9
1619 Jesus can walk on water so Moses had to up the ante. 1.2680 0.04448 153 120 25 8
1620 See, I told you to wear your helmet! 1.2680 0.04148 153 117 31 5
1621 Another one, comin’ in hot 1.2680 0.04043 153 116 33 4
1622 Sadly, Mr. Slalom will be in line behind you in a few moments... 1.2679 0.04261 168 132 27 9
1623 He bought the season pass. 1.2677 0.04534 127 97 26 4
1624 He has no idea where he's REALLY headed just yet. 1.2677 0.04802 127 99 22 6
1625 We have a Fast Lane for downhill skiers. 1.2676 0.04347 142 109 28 5
1626 Even here, there's always somebody trying to jump the line... 1.2676 0.04460 142 110 26 6
1627 There’s always someone…. 1.2676 0.04460 142 110 26 6
1628 It's why the All Access ski passes are so expensive. 1.2676 0.04347 142 109 28 5
1629 Last week we had a paraglider 1.2675 0.04370 157 123 26 8
1630 Slalom skier! Let's hope he doesn't miss the final gate. 1.2675 0.04080 157 120 32 5
1631 It's been like this ever since they installed that chair lift on Everest 1.2672 0.04825 131 103 21 7
1632 We built a wall. What good did it do? 1.2671 0.04485 146 114 25 7
1633 Yeah, we tend to get a lot of creative gate-crashers here. 1.2671 0.04269 146 112 29 5
1634 He's got a season pass. 1.2671 0.04378 146 113 27 6
1635 Before He got the snow report,He used to rest on the Sabbath 1.2671 0.04269 146 112 29 5
1636 Snowboarders though are not allowed. 1.2671 0.04269 146 112 29 5
1637 That doesn't work. They'll just bring him back to the gate. 1.2671 0.04725 161 131 17 13
1638 God knows we're going to have to build a higher wall! 1.2671 0.04110 161 124 31 6
1639 There's more than one way to enter the kingdom of heaven. 1.2671 0.04295 161 126 27 8
1640 Technically, the Swiss are all on the ‘Hell’ list but we’ve never been able to keep them out. 1.2671 0.04015 161 123 33 5
1641 I guess it wasn’t a cold day in Hell 1.2671 0.04384 161 127 25 9
1642 It’s the most blunderful time of the year. 1.2667 0.04361 135 103 28 4
1643 On your left! 1.2667 0.05257 120 96 16 8
1644 Snow angels are different up here. 1.2667 0.04984 120 94 20 6
1645 He'll join us shortly! 1.2667 0.04504 150 118 24 8
1646 Immoral, of course, but innovative. 1.2667 0.04504 150 118 24 8
1647 ‘Unfortunately, God decided to add Heaven to the IKON pass’ 1.2667 0.04361 135 103 28 4
1648 He ck’d the “One Last Run” option. 1.2667 0.04403 150 117 26 7
1649 We don't call him 'Godspeed' for nuthin. 1.2667 0.04300 150 116 28 6
1650 This one looks like a direct flight. 1.2667 0.03745 180 137 38 5
1651 Oh, that's Hans, we sort of let him do his own thing. 1.2667 0.04694 120 92 24 4
1652 He'll need a miracle after blowing this gate. 1.2667 0.04195 150 115 30 5
1653 Should we let him in if he sticks the landing? 1.2667 0.04223 165 129 28 8
1654 Did Hell finally freeze over? 1.2667 0.04607 135 105 24 6
1655 Well there's more than one way to get past these pearly gates. 1.2663 0.03928 184 143 33 8
1656 Oh, him again -- he just won't take "Are you kidding?'"-- for an answer. 1.2663 0.04402 169 135 23 11
1657 He always did like to make an entrance. 1.2663 0.04239 169 133 27 9
1658 I know that guy! He’s been cutting the line since he was 6 years old.! 1.2662 0.04326 154 120 27 7
1659 There is no snow where he is going. 1.2662 0.04610 154 123 21 10
1660 Heaven isn't as high up as you've imagined. 1.2662 0.04518 139 108 25 6
1661 Relax, it's just a seasonal pass. 1.2662 0.04743 139 110 21 8
1662 He was in the "ski right off the mountain" Express Lane. 1.2662 0.04401 139 107 27 5
1663 Season pass holder. 1.2662 0.04401 139 107 27 5
1664 Or you can bypass the sermon if you've been to the mountain. 1.2661 0.04737 124 96 23 5
1665 Yeah, we see that but it never ends well. 1.2661 0.05006 124 98 19 7
1666 Overachiever. 1.2661 0.04873 124 97 21 6
1667 He really caught some air this time. 1.2661 0.05135 124 99 17 8
1668 So much for a “stairway to heaven” 1.2661 0.04873 124 97 21 6
1669 If you're willing to go as a triple, we can get you up faster. 1.2660 0.04086 188 149 28 11
1670 Gabriel's such a show off. In a minute his wings will come out and he'll break his own record again. And don't get me started on the trumpet when he lands. 1.2658 0.04345 158 124 26 8
1671 Ah, I see your fourth will be joining us shortly after he lands 1.2658 0.04345 158 124 26 8
1672 Yes, Norwegians do have it all: a huge national investment fund, great healthcare, top notch educational achievement, equality, and best of all - a free pass into Heaven. Next! 1.2657 0.04433 143 111 26 6
1673 It's the Sabbath! God always enjoys a bit of sport on his day of rest! 1.2657 0.04543 143 112 24 7
1674 We tried to get the Summer games, but the IOC says China has better facilities. 1.2657 0.04543 143 112 24 7
1675 It's part of God's revenue diversification strategy. 1.2657 0.04205 143 109 30 4
1676 She was fast-tracked. 1.2657 0.04320 143 110 28 5
1677 Yeah, that's Him. He's kind of an asshole. 1.2657 0.04650 143 113 22 8
1678 You probably noticed, the lifts here are free. 1.2657 0.04433 143 111 26 6
1679 He had to take his vacation time or lose it. 1.2656 0.04769 128 100 22 6
1680 The Boss’s son-in-law. 1.2656 0.04638 128 99 24 5
1681 Welp… we are going to have one extra at dinner tonight. 1.2655 0.05186 113 89 18 6
1682 He must have gotten the Epic Pass. 1.2654 0.04271 162 127 27 8
1683 That’s how you can skip the line 1.2654 0.04088 162 125 31 6
1684 He was in the Fast Pass line 1.2653 0.04133 147 112 31 4
1685 Even angels need vacations. 1.2653 0.04352 147 114 27 6
1686 Up here we don't need snow! 1.2653 0.04244 147 113 29 5
1687 We get a lot of line jumpers 1.2652 0.03809 181 139 36 6
1688 Oooh, that's going to be a mandatory -0.5 for the fatality. 1.2652 0.04416 132 101 27 4
1689 He lived in Colorado. 1.2652 0.04416 132 101 27 4
1690 Our ski lifts have heated seats. It's heaven. 1.2652 0.04146 132 99 31 2
1691 God likes thrill seekers. 1.2650 0.04443 117 88 27 2
1692 Remember the ‘agony of defeat’ guy? 1.2649 0.04575 151 120 22 9
1693 He doesn't know it yet! 1.2649 0.04477 151 119 24 8
1694 I guess Red Bull does give you wings. 1.2649 0.04575 151 120 22 9
1695 Apparently, Aspen's Season Pass has extended benefits. 1.2649 0.04064 151 115 32 4
1696 He doesn't know it, but he's just passing through. 1.2647 0.04695 136 107 22 7
1697 Last year it was tunnels. 1.2647 0.04048 170 132 31 7
1698 He thinks he can freestyle it into Heaven. 1.2647 0.04333 136 104 28 4
1699 Not to worry, he'll be here right after he lands. 1.2647 0.04695 136 107 22 7
1700 Not sure how I'm going to explain that one to the big guy. 1.2647 0.04299 170 135 25 10
1701 Ok, there are TWO ways to get in. 1.2647 0.04577 136 106 24 6
1702 Ski ya on the inside! 1.2647 0.04457 136 105 26 5
1703 So that’s what they meant by the binding of Isaac 1.2645 0.04397 155 122 25 8
1704 Some go where angels fear to tread." 1.2645 0.04202 155 120 29 6
1705 I keep telling them it’s “hallelujah”, not “yeehaw”. 1.2645 0.04202 155 120 29 6
1706 He opted for the season pass 1.2645 0.04301 155 121 27 7
1707 Rushing to Judgement! 1.2645 0.04301 155 121 27 7
1708 We drew the line with high jumpers and pole vaulters. Now we get this crap. 1.2645 0.04674 155 125 19 11
1709 That's God. He makes it look so easy. 1.2645 0.04806 121 94 22 5
1710 He was headed for the Olympics until that tree got in the way 1.2644 0.03987 174 135 32 7
1711 The recession hit is pretty hard, so we double as a ski resort. 1.2644 0.04150 174 137 28 9
1712 Not to worry ... it's seasonal. 1.2643 0.04132 140 106 31 3
1713 He is certainly a higher powder. 1.2643 0.04489 140 109 25 6
1714 He was the only billionaire who got in this year! 1.2643 0.04602 140 110 23 7
1715 I'm afraid I'm going to have to tell him we don't get much snow here. 1.2642 0.04035 159 122 32 5
1716 That's Saint Slalom 1.2640 0.03927 178 138 33 7
1717 He walked on water; now he skis on the clouds. 1.2640 0.04970 125 99 19 7
1718 There's an ongoing problem with Google-maps. 1.2640 0.04703 125 97 23 5
1719 He's here for the Tammy Faye Bakker ski invitational. Conditions are great - six inches of base, nine inches of powder. 1.2639 0.04725 144 115 20 9
1720 New Yorkers will do anything to avoid waiting on lines! 1.2639 0.04406 144 112 26 6
1721 Almost Heaven, West Virginia… 1.2639 0.04515 144 113 24 7
1722 Unfortunately for him, it's all downhill from here. 1.2639 0.04621 144 114 22 8
1723 That explains how Evel Knievel got in. 1.2639 0.04515 144 113 24 7
1724 Those Evangelicals are getting desperate… 1.2639 0.04621 144 114 22 8
1725 I've heard of cheating on entrance exams but this is ridiculous! 1.2639 0.04515 144 113 24 7
1726 „Europeans” 1.2638 0.04248 163 128 27 8
1727 Death hack. 1.2637 0.03948 182 142 32 8
1728 Last summer we had a pole-vaulter ... now this. Oy. 1.2636 0.04607 129 100 24 5
1729 What some people will do to avoid lines. 1.2636 0.04862 129 102 20 7
1730 Damn, I was hoping to get into Summer Heaven. 1.2635 0.04326 148 115 27 6
1731 I told Him building a wall wouldn’t keep them out… 1.2635 0.04219 148 114 29 5
1732 Express entry from Aspen. 1.2635 0.04431 148 116 25 7
1733 Don’t worry he’ll be taken out by killer drones… 1.2634 0.03815 186 144 35 7
1734 In Heaven there are no moguls. 1.2632 0.04119 133 100 31 2
1735 After the avalanche wiped him out, We wanted to give him this little perk. 1.2632 0.03931 152 115 34 3
1736 He hasn't earned his wings yet, but he's getting wicked air on the jumps. 1.2632 0.04761 133 105 21 7
1737 You chose a great time to die; it is the Heaven and Hell Olympics this week. 1.2632 0.04761 133 105 21 7
1738 Confidence can be a virtue or a downfall. 1.2632 0.04761 133 105 21 7
1739 It's been getting crowded up here since hell froze over. 1.2632 0.04352 152 119 26 7
1740 When I said "YOU JUST CAN'T SKATE IN" I thought people would understand it's just a metaphor. 1.2632 0.04387 133 102 27 4
1741 Well, that's another way to get to heaven 1.2629 0.04361 175 141 22 12
1742 Heavenly Gate: hardest gate of them all 1.2629 0.03967 175 136 32 7
1743 Obviously he's disqualified. 1.2629 0.03967 175 136 32 7
1744 Jesus showing off again. 1.2628 0.03976 156 119 33 4
1745 He took it up when he found out that snow is just frozen water and skiing is more fun than walking on it 1.2628 0.04372 156 123 25 8
1746 Everyone has a different heaven 1.2628 0.04372 156 123 25 8
1747 The Angels have taken up a new hobby. 1.2628 0.04428 137 106 26 5
1748 Interesting strategy - haven't seen that one before.... 1.2628 0.04889 137 110 18 9
1749 Looks like the IOC increased the size of the ski jump for the 2024 Olympics 1.2628 0.04428 137 106 26 5
1750 Highway to Hell 1.2628 0.04306 137 105 28 4
1751 Real estate values have really increased here after we became a ski destination. 1.2628 0.04889 137 110 18 9
1752 It's an Amazon delivery. 1.2627 0.04728 118 91 23 4
1753 Oh, that's just God. He thinks he's Trump. 1.2627 0.05440 118 96 13 9
1754 Shalom, and, yes, slalom too. 1.2626 0.04142 179 142 27 10
1755 the gentleman on the luge did not fare as well… 1.2626 0.03987 179 140 31 8
1756 I cautioned God walls don’t work. 1.2624 0.04683 141 112 21 8
1757 I am sorry. Sonny Bono is such a show off. 1.2624 0.04574 141 111 23 7
1758 Is this the highway to heaven? 1.2624 0.04574 141 111 23 7
1759 The landing isn’t as soft as you’d think 1.2624 0.04683 141 112 21 8
1760 Just like before, rich people have a separate entrance. 1.2623 0.04627 122 94 24 4
1761 Missing a gate results in disqualification 1.2622 0.04136 164 128 29 7
1762 Oh, he’s from Colorado. That state has earned it! 1.2622 0.04044 164 127 31 6
1763 Everyone knows Heaven is fresh powder. 1.2622 0.04225 164 129 27 8
1764 Charlie lost his wings so he's looking for alternatives. 1.2621 0.05155 103 80 19 4
1765 Aprè-ski is in this year. 1.2621 0.04593 145 115 22 8
1766 He'll be joining us any moment now. 1.2621 0.04379 145 113 26 6
1767 Sure, they’re happy when they get their wings. But having sculpted glutes is its own type of benediction. 1.2621 0.04696 145 116 20 9
1768 Yes, heaven is ski in, ski out 1.2621 0.04593 145 115 22 8
1769 More often they just have one ski. 1.2619 0.04671 126 98 23 5
1770 Our new “Faithful Fast Pass”. 1.2619 0.04805 126 99 21 6
1771 I told the boss several times not to create Aspen so close. 1.2617 0.04405 149 117 25 7
1772 Her great-great-great grandmother is a saint and that's how she always wanted to get here. 1.2617 0.04085 149 114 31 4
1773 He came in on a talent visa. 1.2617 0.04085 149 114 31 4
1774 “He enjoys showing off for new arrivals!” 1.2617 0.03972 149 113 33 3
1775 The new border wall isn't working on the Norwegians. 1.2617 0.04704 149 120 19 10
1776 He loves it, powder AND no snow boarders... 1.2617 0.04507 149 118 23 8
1777 I told them we needed a higher fence. 1.2617 0.04507 149 118 23 8
1778 Looks like we have an early check-in arriving soon. 1.2617 0.03856 149 112 35 2
1779 Is this the high way to hell ? 1.2617 0.04405 149 117 25 7
1780 Someone's jumping in from the Cloud. 1.2617 0.05529 107 86 14 7
1781 He says he's looking for Purgatory but made a wrong turn somewhere along the line. 1.2616 0.04333 172 138 23 11
1782 It’s an agnostic thing. Still taking his chances. 1.2615 0.04443 130 100 26 4
1783 That’s Jesus's brother Ted. He tends to overcompensate. 1.2615 0.04575 130 101 24 5
1784 I didn’t realize there was an express line. 1.2615 0.04575 130 101 24 5
1785 Oh, he’s trying to get in here before the devil knows he’s dead! 1.2615 0.04829 130 103 20 7
1786 Being rad also gets you in.” 1.2615 0.04307 130 99 28 3
1787 He’ll be right where you’re standing now, in… oh, say about :20. 1.2615 0.04829 130 103 20 7
1788 Sure it's rare but every once in a while someone hits a tree and arrives up here for a change. 1.2615 0.04307 130 99 28 3
1789 Yea, he will not hit that landing very well. 1.2614 0.04226 153 119 28 6
1790 That’s one way to get in 1.2614 0.04327 153 120 26 7
1791 Snowbirds from Hell 1.2614 0.04226 153 119 28 6
1792 Sorry for the mess, we’re hosting the winter Olympics this year 1.2614 0.04018 153 117 32 4
1793 It really is all downhill from here. 1.2614 0.04327 153 120 26 7
1794 We have TSA Pre up here too 1.2614 0.04018 153 117 32 4
1795 Don't worry, we're going to build a wall and the devil is going to pay for it. 1.2613 0.05536 111 90 13 8
1796 No, this is Aspen and I'm assuming you have reservations. 1.2612 0.04609 134 105 23 6
1797 Looks like we need to build the wall higher. 1.2612 0.04729 134 106 21 7
1798 Looks like you’re at the head of the lift line, at last. 1.2612 0.04486 134 104 25 5
1799 That's our Amazon, one day, free delivery service. 1.2612 0.04486 134 104 25 5
1800 Yeah, He's been taking a few centuries off. 1.2612 0.04609 134 105 23 6
1801 Some people really hate lines. 1.2612 0.04486 134 104 25 5
1802 If you want to ski, you will need an iCloud account 1.2612 0.04359 134 103 27 4
1803 I guess Jim got the express pass 1.2612 0.04486 134 104 25 5
1804 Going off-trail isn’t a cardinal sin. But it’s a slippery slope. 1.2611 0.04348 157 124 25 8
1805 It's a nice try, but where he's going the snow melted am eternity ago. 1.2611 0.04253 157 123 27 7
1806 Looks as though that 'cold day' may be upon us. 1.2611 0.03954 157 120 33 4
1807 How RUDE! Jumping ahead of the line like that. 1.2609 0.04153 138 105 30 3
1808 Form is just OK, but level of difficulty is unbelievable. 1.2609 0.04519 138 108 24 6
1809 I guess border walls really don't work. 1.2609 0.05253 115 92 16 7
1810 Well I will be damned, Hell must have frozen over. 1.2609 0.04635 138 109 22 7
1811 Welcome to Aspen. 1.2609 0.04636 115 88 24 3
1812 But NO SNOWBOARDS! 1.2609 0.04797 115 89 22 4
1813 It’s warm up here, so this is hell for him. 1.2609 0.04153 138 105 30 3
1814 We do judge for creativity and form….. 1.2609 0.04519 138 108 24 6
1815 Skip the lines with Global Entry. 1.2609 0.04519 138 108 24 6
1816 He'd been denied the entry several times. He is now trying to skip my book check 1.2609 0.04519 138 108 24 6
1817 Call security, tRUMP’s trying to get in again. 1.2609 0.04857 138 111 18 9
1818 Don't feel bad, it was a pretty sweet jump. 1.2606 0.04114 165 129 29 7
1819 That's God. Every now and then he likes to pretend he's Lindsay Vonn. 1.2606 0.04760 142 114 19 9
1820 People are dying to get in. 1.2606 0.04434 142 111 25 6
1821 ... and no lift lines or need for a helmet ! 1.2606 0.04654 142 113 21 8
1822 We also offer scuba lessons. 1.2606 0.04545 142 112 23 7
1823 There's a penalty for missing the gate. 1.2606 0.04202 142 109 29 4
1824 Don't worry. He'll be deported. 1.2606 0.04545 142 112 23 7
1825 Cloud Nine is where all the snow is. 1.2606 0.04545 142 112 23 7
1826 You thought these were clouds? 1.2606 0.04202 142 109 29 4
1827 It’s a metaphorical gate, you moron! 1.2605 0.04842 119 93 21 5
1828 He’s due here in 5 seconds. 1.2605 0.04693 119 92 23 4
1829 It's just until he earns his wings. 1.2604 0.04049 169 132 30 7
1830 Looks like Hell froze over again. 1.2603 0.04460 146 115 24 7
1831 Oh him? He will train you all on how to properly make Snow Angels!" 1.2603 0.04130 146 112 30 4
1832 Skiers are fine, it is the motocross people that I worry about. 1.2603 0.04460 146 115 24 7
1833 Some Dudes just shred their way in. 1.2603 0.04565 146 116 22 8
1834 Yes.We get a few illegals now and then. 1.2603 0.04460 146 115 24 7
1835 Normally we don't allow that, but the 'agony of defeat' guy got special dispensation. 1.2603 0.04460 146 115 24 7
1836 Heaven sent! 1.2603 0.04767 146 118 18 10
1837 He’s going to struggle when he gets to the stairway. 1.2603 0.04130 146 112 30 4
1838 Singles get to skip the line. 1.2603 0.04243 146 113 28 5
1839 He'll be here for a 6pm check-in tonight. 1.2602 0.04447 123 94 26 3
1840 "He was granted an eternal lift pass for his exemplary life." 1.2602 0.04737 123 96 22 5
1841 No gravity in heaven! 1.2602 0.04876 123 97 20 6
1842 Oh dear, here comes another one! 1.2600 0.03949 150 114 33 3
1843 Well, that's a new record, but probably not what he was planning on. 1.2600 0.04170 150 116 29 5
1844 It’s either a sign from god or the chairlift is working again. 1.2600 0.04276 150 117 27 6
1845 People who die in skiing accidents are the worst. 1.2599 0.04087 177 140 28 9
1846 Don't worry, they'll only be here until hell freezes over. 1.2598 0.04501 127 98 25 4
1847 St.Moritz. Why? 1.2598 0.04771 127 100 21 6
1848 Well those aren't the gates he's supposed to pass... 1.2598 0.04360 127 97 27 3
1849 Yeah we need a higher fence. 1.2598 0.04501 127 98 25 4
1850 Build the wall, I said, but did anyone listen? Nooooo. 1.2597 0.04400 154 122 24 8
1851 There goes another one... I knew I shouldn’t have let Lucifer build that ramp. 1.2597 0.04589 154 124 20 10
1852 No one skates into heaven 1.2597 0.04202 154 120 28 6
1853 Oh, you'll see him at apres apres-ski. 1.2597 0.04302 154 121 26 7
1854 Death-defying feats and daredevils aside, it's pretty laidback. 1.2595 0.04672 131 103 22 6
1855 We have our share of dare angels up here. 1.2595 0.04132 158 123 29 6
1856 Talk about taking the high road! 1.2595 0.04034 158 122 31 5
1857 Delivery for Domino's Pizza... 30 minutes or it's free. 1.2593 0.04814 135 108 19 8
1858 I told Angel Trump that the wall wouldn't work! 1.2593 0.05323 108 86 16 6
1859 Of course, he doesn’t have a snowball’s chance in Hell. 1.2593 0.04427 162 130 22 10
1860 High flyers don’t always get in.” 1.2593 0.04579 135 106 23 6
1861 He’s coming in a little too high” 1.2593 0.04201 135 103 29 3
1862 Looks like hell has frozen over again 1.2593 0.04579 135 106 23 6
1863 No lift lines. We told you it was worth it 1.2593 0.04579 135 106 23 6
1864 We fixed the ramp on Mount Purgatory. 1.2590 0.04351 166 133 23 10
1865 They always find a loophole. 1.2590 0.04002 166 129 31 6
1866 He says that heaven is a disappointment compared to Jackson Hole 1.2590 0.04490 139 109 24 6
1867 Doesn't he know that he has to enter through the gates? 1.2590 0.04717 139 111 20 8
1868 Oh, Jesus. Ever since he walked on water, he keeps pushing the limits 1.2590 0.04605 139 110 22 7
1869 …10:00 to 11:00 is lamb yoga. 11:00-12:00 is Team Building, then there’s 30 minutes of rec time before lunch… 1.2590 0.04717 139 111 20 8
1870 Unlike you, he's never fallen. 1.2589 0.04871 112 87 21 4
1871 If he overshoots the landing he'll be Satan's problem. 1.2588 0.04279 170 136 24 10
1872 Express Check-in 1.2587 0.04406 143 112 25 6
1873 We made our artificial ski slopes available until hell freezes over. 1.2587 0.04406 143 112 25 6
1874 I didn't realize that was an option. 1.2587 0.04517 143 113 23 7
1875 Uh oh! He's going down. 1.2587 0.04406 143 112 25 6
1876 It’s cooler than hell. 1.2587 0.04406 143 112 25 6
1877 Well, it’s certainly better than his first attempt. 1.2586 0.04761 116 90 22 4
1878 I give him a snowball’s chance.” 1.2585 0.04327 147 115 26 6
1879 Those not admitted may sometimes choose their own last descent 1.2585 0.04218 147 114 28 5
1880 Lord knows he has to nail the landing. 1.2585 0.04218 147 114 28 5
1881 He was a business mogul that stole from the poor; it seemed only fair that he be doomed to spending eternity on a mogul run as a terrified beginner skier. 1.2583 0.05358 120 98 13 9
1882 So Copper Peak's reopened. 1.2583 0.04506 120 92 25 3
1883 Poor guy, thinks he’s going to miss the tree. 1.2583 0.04506 120 92 25 3
1884 Climate change! 1.2583 0.04146 151 117 29 5
1885 It might just work. 1.2583 0.04038 151 116 31 4
1886 He's an economist who is looking for a soft landing. 1.2583 0.04146 151 117 29 5
1887 I’m sorry. It’s all downhill from here. 1.2583 0.04552 151 121 21 9
1888 George completed his daredevil jump off Mt. Denali by landing safely on the clouds of heaven, skipping the entrance questions. 1.2583 0.04552 151 121 21 9
1889 Don't be that guy. 1.2583 0.04251 151 118 27 6
1890 Oh, he's just practicing for the second coming. 1.2583 0.04146 151 117 29 5
1891 He thinks it will matter if he nails the landing. 1.2583 0.04454 151 120 23 8
1892 No, snowboarders still need to check in with me first. 1.2583 0.04353 151 119 25 7
1893 Christ, what an asshole! 1.2581 0.04469 155 124 22 9
1894 The Lord makes you lie down in green pastures and leads you beside still waters. He also leads you to fresh powder for epic kickers. 1.2581 0.04562 124 96 24 4
1895 Hope he sticks the landing or there will be hell to pay. 1.2581 0.04077 155 120 30 5
1896 Some aspirants choose a culminating project instead of the oral exam. 1.2581 0.04841 124 98 20 6
1897 Oh my. Hah, well, you know what they say, ‘no risk, no redemption.’ 1.2581 0.04278 155 122 26 7
1898 We can start in a minute. Gabriel’s almost here!! 1.2579 0.04110 159 124 29 6
1899 Part of your eternal reward is the thrill of victory without not the agony of defeat. 1.2579 0.04391 159 127 23 9
1900 There's more than one way to enter heaven. 1.2579 0.04391 159 127 23 9
1901 I thought you had to die FIRST! 1.2579 0.04205 159 125 27 7
1902 We used to be too high up for that to happen, but, you know, climate change. 1.2579 0.04391 159 127 23 9
1903 R.I.P. Eddie The Eagle. 1.2579 0.04480 159 128 21 10
1904 Trust me, you don't want to see how he ended up here. 1.2578 0.04331 128 98 27 3
1905 STEROIDS! 1.2578 0.04606 128 100 23 5
1906 We had to issue a recall on all wings. 1.2578 0.04738 128 101 21 6
1907 Him? He’s just returning to Hell after his Weekend Pass. 1.2578 0.04738 128 101 21 6
1908 Oh him? that's Norm. His whole life went down hill. 1.2577 0.04044 163 127 30 6
1909 don't mind him - he's heading for Cloud 9 1.2577 0.04044 163 127 30 6
1910 Looks like an avalanche lifted him to the head of the line. 1.2576 0.04385 132 102 26 4
1911 Jesus,there he goes again. 1.2576 0.04641 132 104 22 6
1912 Some people just can't wait. 1.2574 0.04303 136 105 27 4
1913 Hardly his first missed gate. 1.2574 0.04549 136 107 23 6
1914 Après-vie awaits you 1.2574 0.04174 136 104 29 3
1915 Yes, we have that kind of powder as well. 1.2574 0.04174 136 104 29 3
1916 See it was all worth it, they have powder in heaven 1.2574 0.04667 136 108 21 7
1917 Some clients opt for the “snow angel” package, which can be an upgrade. 1.2574 0.04303 136 105 27 4
1918 Oh boy, the season has started! 1.2574 0.04174 136 104 29 3
1919 Careful! That downhill goes pretty far down. 1.2571 0.04576 140 111 22 7
1920 Clearly, steroid testing in the Olympics still needs improvement. 1.2571 0.04576 140 111 22 7
1921 I'm beginning to regret I promised St.Nick forever and ever winter. 1.2571 0.04225 140 108 28 4
1922 But if you don't mind sharing, a window table for four is just about ready. 1.2571 0.05069 105 82 19 4
1923 Gabriel is big into apres ski. 1.2571 0.04345 140 109 26 5
1924 Look at that! He just flew over the fucking fence! 1.2571 0.04576 140 111 22 7
1925 May he rest in piste. 1.2569 0.04596 144 115 21 8
1926 No concern, a skier just passing through. It's all downhill for them to their final destination. 1.2569 0.04152 144 111 29 4
1927 Colorado has a special arrangement. 1.2569 0.04489 144 114 23 7
1928 We're the last gate on the slalom run. 1.2569 0.04267 144 112 27 5
1929 Sigh, I told him solemn not slalom. 1.2569 0.04489 144 114 23 7
1930 He will be here shortly. As soon as he hits the ground. 1.2569 0.04379 144 113 25 6
1931 Him? Well, next to a motorcycle or a viral TikTok stunt that's that fastest way to get here... 1.2569 0.04379 144 113 25 6
1932 It looks to me like Hell has frozen over. 1.2569 0.04802 144 117 17 10
1933 Yes, that's right, there's no global warming in heaven. 1.2569 0.04033 144 110 31 3
1934 Unfortunately there's no snow up here. 1.2569 0.04489 144 114 23 7
1935 That's a hell of a ride. 1.2568 0.04082 148 114 30 4
1936 Another organ donor in a hurry. 1.2568 0.04709 148 120 18 10
1937 We have these gatecrashers every winter 1.2568 0.04193 148 115 28 5
1938 God Damn! Again! We should make the heaven wall taller really 1.2568 0.04610 148 119 20 9
1939 Ski-jumping has always been the fastest way to get to heaven. 1.2566 0.04328 152 120 25 7
1940 That's the 1% entrance. 1.2566 0.04328 152 120 25 7
1941 Risk takers get priority. 1.2566 0.04428 152 121 23 8
1942 He’s on his way straight to hell. 1.2564 0.04155 156 122 28 6
1943 It is called the express lane. 1.2564 0.04879 117 92 20 5
1944 He's a legacy. 1.2564 0.04054 156 121 30 5
1945 Just another exempt Vermonter. 1.2564 0.04253 156 123 26 7
1946 This really wasn't what I expected when they said Hell finally froze over... 1.2564 0.04726 117 91 22 4
1947 He doesn't know that Hell's just on the other side. 1.2564 0.05028 117 93 18 6
1948 That King Slalomon is at it again. 1.2563 0.04087 160 125 29 6
1949 Downhill skiers are eligible for our “Direct Admission” process. 1.2562 0.04771 121 95 21 5
1950 No worries--we have an anti-missile defense system for would-be fly -ins. 1.2562 0.04914 121 96 19 6
1951 We're now previewing those soon to be on this line. 1.2562 0.04771 121 95 21 5
1952 It just hasn't been the same since all the glaciers went to Heaven. 1.2562 0.04771 121 95 21 5
1953 I’m afraid missing the main gate is an automatic out. 1.2562 0.04771 121 95 21 5
1954 We've installed terminal gates at the major ski resort destinations to fast track the idle rich. 1.2561 0.03928 164 127 32 5
1955 Good Heavens! Is skiing an option? 1.2561 0.04292 164 131 24 9
1956 Soon he'll be up here with us. 1.2561 0.04114 164 129 28 7
1957 Open the gates, it's Peter. 1.2560 0.04385 125 96 26 3
1958 Heavenly is more than just a ski resort in Lake Tahoe 1.2560 0.04530 125 97 24 4
1959 In her prior life she never got beyond the bunny slope. 1.2560 0.04530 125 97 24 4
1960 To be honest, there are few rules to getting into heaven. 1.2560 0.04939 125 100 18 7
1961 We've only recently introduced our FastPass system. 1.2560 0.04136 168 133 27 8
1962 It was a slippery slope but his soul was pure 1.2558 0.04159 129 98 29 2
1963 He doesn’t have a snowballs chance in hell! 1.2558 0.04302 129 99 27 3
1964 It's their idea of heaven--it's mine of hell. 1.2558 0.04440 129 100 25 4
1965 God. Yep, He's fast. 1.2556 0.04610 133 105 22 6
1966 Just a snow angel. 1.2556 0.04356 133 103 26 4
1967 Yes we open some additional gates in the winter 1.2556 0.04223 133 102 28 3
1968 There's always some guy who has a last minute leap of faith 1.2556 0.04610 133 105 22 6
1969 The Finns perfected that technique during the Winter War of 1939-40. 1.2556 0.04485 133 104 24 5
1970 I guess it WAS all downhill from there. 1.2556 0.04485 133 104 24 5
1971 He missed the last gate, he'll be here soon 1.2555 0.04637 137 109 21 7
1972 To welcome you to eternity, we like to replay the event that brought you here 1.2555 0.04637 137 109 21 7
1973 His time will come, but only the good die young. He's 93 and still a total asshole. 1.2555 0.04751 137 110 19 8
1974 Ah yes, the fast track lane. Premier members only 1.2555 0.04148 137 105 29 3
1975 Beginner, Intermediate, or Black Diamond? 1.2555 0.04751 137 110 19 8
1976 Fast track candidate. 1.2553 0.04434 141 111 24 6
1977 He opted for the activities-included package deal. 1.2553 0.04547 141 112 22 7
1978 I guess she missed her landing” 1.2553 0.04199 141 109 28 4
1979 What the fuck! There's no snow up here 1.2552 0.04127 145 112 29 4
1980 Excuse me, I have to call Border Patrol. 1.2552 0.04461 145 115 23 7
1981 I guess we can say his days of moving in mysterious ways are over. 1.2552 0.04461 145 115 23 7
1982 Jesus is a skier. RAD! 1.2552 0.04461 145 115 23 7
1983 That's gotta be some SOME kinda record. 1.2550 0.04275 149 117 26 6
1984 "Well, whoops, it looks like that ski fellow just got your spot." 1.2550 0.04275 149 117 26 6
1985 I’ve told him this is not Olympus. 1.2550 0.04380 149 118 24 7
1986 Ignoreth him as he headeth to the agony of defeat. 1.2550 0.04583 149 120 20 9
1987 Some of our new residents are eager to test the whole ‘eternal life’ thing. 1.2550 0.04483 149 119 22 8
1988 It’s fine, he’s got ST.P PreCheck. 1.2549 0.04303 153 121 25 7
1989 Every ski jump season we get a few gate jumpers. 1.2549 0.04202 153 120 27 6
1990 You’re just in time; we had snow last night. 1.2549 0.04098 153 119 29 5
1991 Darned EZ Pass 1.2549 0.04303 153 121 25 7
1992 Ugh, tough luck. That was your spot. 1.2549 0.04402 153 122 23 8
1993 Not yet Lindsey. 1.2548 0.03929 157 121 32 4
1994 We'll probably let him in, cause Hell has no snow. 1.2548 0.04229 157 124 26 7
1995 He donated his millions to charity rather than politicians... 1.2548 0.04032 157 122 30 5
1996 That must have been some Mogul! 1.2548 0.04325 157 125 24 8
1997 It’s okay, she’s Swiss. 1.2547 0.05372 106 85 15 6
1998 Relocating to Aspen has had its challenges. 1.2547 0.04159 161 127 27 7
1999 Oh, that’s the “Highway to Hell” 1.2545 0.04092 165 130 28 7
2000 No we don’t have snowboarders up here, why do you ask? 1.2545 0.05236 110 88 16 6
2001 Hm. Well, now there’s only room for two of you. 1.2544 0.04955 114 90 19 5
2002 Little known loophole for getting directly into heaven.. we don’t advertise it. 1.2542 0.04690 118 92 22 4
2003 Yeah, but when he lands, he'll make one great snow angel 1.2542 0.04990 118 94 18 6
2004 It turns out not being a snowboarder is enough. 1.2541 0.04737 122 96 21 5
2005 Even given wings, the gondola ride is still the most sought-after attraction up here. 1.2541 0.04878 122 97 19 6
2006 Normally skiers take our lift. 1.2541 0.04878 122 97 19 6
2007 I guess he did not notice that he is headed for the lion pen. 1.2541 0.04878 122 97 19 6
2008 Don't worry; he'll go to the back of the line. 1.2541 0.04878 122 97 19 6
2009 What goes down sometimes comes up. 1.2541 0.04442 122 94 25 3
2010 Yesterday we found him at the east entrance with a ladder and last week we caught him dressing-up like Mother Teressa. 1.2541 0.04878 122 97 19 6
2011 Nobody had the heart to tell him he doesn’t stick the landing. 1.2541 0.04592 122 95 23 4
2012 Nice try” 1.2540 0.04499 126 98 24 4
2013 The Lord heard him say one too many times, "I feel like i died and went to Heaven!" 1.2540 0.04772 126 100 20 6
2014 That’s what got you here in the first place! 1.2540 0.04207 126 96 28 2
2015 Him? He’ll land here but I’m not sure he’ll be staying here. 1.2540 0.04499 126 98 24 4
2016 Well,he's got an athletic scholarship. 1.2540 0.04772 126 100 20 6
2017 He never sticks the landing--but he was a good kid. 1.2540 0.04355 126 97 26 3
2018 We are working on controlling our borders 1.2538 0.04544 130 102 23 5
2019 See honey, we should have sprung for the fast pass. 1.2538 0.05158 130 107 13 10
2020 He's skiing downhell 1.2537 0.04196 134 103 28 3
2021 They never see the Hell trap in time. 1.2537 0.04700 134 107 20 7
2022 There's always someone trying to swish his way in here. 1.2537 0.04060 134 102 30 2
2023 It must be a cold day in Hell. 1.2537 0.04455 134 105 24 5
2024 I forgot that ski racers are trained to go around gates. 1.2537 0.04700 134 107 20 7
2025 Extreme sports has really upped our numbers recently. 1.2536 0.04122 138 106 29 3
2026 They mistake clouds for powder at their peril. 1.2536 0.04939 138 113 15 10
2027 He has an express pass. 1.2536 0.04371 138 108 25 5
2028 WOW! Those Club Med hassle free ski vacation are all inclusive! 1.2536 0.04122 138 106 29 3
2029 He's TSA Skichecked. 1.2536 0.04122 138 106 29 3
2030 Good Lord, this was a Hell of a jump. 1.2536 0.04607 138 110 21 7
2031 It’s all downhill for him. 1.2536 0.04122 138 106 29 3
2032 And as you can see, our snowmaking capability isn't seasonal! 1.2535 0.04052 142 109 30 3
2033 Trump is kicking everyone out of Colorado. 1.2535 0.04627 142 114 20 8
2034 Huh, hell finally froze over. 1.2535 0.04838 142 116 16 10
2035 Maybe, but first he has to nail the landing. 1.2534 0.04539 146 117 21 8
2036 Guess he blew the gates. 1.2534 0.04102 146 113 29 4
2037 Four Olympic gold medals so doesn’t need my blessing 1.2534 0.04539 146 117 21 8
2038 Just goes to show- walls really don't work 1.2534 0.04216 146 114 27 5
2039 Ski instructors skip the line. 1.2534 0.03985 146 112 31 3
2040 If you ski, it doesn't need a caption! 1.2533 0.04456 150 120 22 8
2041 He’ll be back in a few minutes. 1.2533 0.04144 150 117 28 5
2042 Never sticks the landing, that's his own personal H, E, pair of skis 1.2533 0.04144 150 117 28 5
2043 Good, we're definitely not in the warm place... 1.2533 0.04250 150 118 26 6
2044 He thinks he needs skis and we humor him. 1.2533 0.04354 150 119 24 7
2045 Damn! He missed a gate! 1.2532 0.04472 154 124 21 9
2046 Oh…that’s another one who believes hell has frozen over. 1.2532 0.04278 154 122 25 7
2047 Not your problem. 1.2532 0.04206 158 125 26 7
2048 Some do pay extra. 1.2532 0.04009 158 123 30 5
2049 In case you were wondering if star athletes get a pass forever. 1.2531 0.04043 162 127 29 6
2050 He tried a Double Black Diamond on his second day. 1.2529 0.04007 170 134 29 7
2051 Wow. Gives a whole new meaning to "Dare Devil"! 1.2524 0.04517 103 78 24 1
2052 Walls don’t work here either. 1.2524 0.05470 103 83 14 6
2053 He doesn't know it yet but we have quicksand in the back just for this purpose 1.2523 0.05327 107 86 15 6
2054 RIP: A High Flyer to the end 1.2523 0.04805 107 83 21 3
2055 Someone's about to experience the agony of defeat. 1.2523 0.04985 107 84 19 4
2056 She’s been getting some good height on her jumps since she arrived. 1.2523 0.04868 111 87 20 4
2057 I'm not that kind of judge. 1.2522 0.04916 115 91 19 5
2058 Some choose not to follow the beaten path. 1.2522 0.05217 115 93 15 7
2059 Just guessing he's not going to stick the landing. 1.2522 0.04759 115 90 21 4
2060 Once you've paid admission all the rides are free 1.2521 0.04806 119 94 20 5
2061 Going in style! 1.2521 0.04500 119 92 24 3
2062 Wait until you see the swimming without water. 1.2520 0.04559 123 96 23 4
2063 It's not going to work, Mr. Kissinger. 1.2520 0.04842 123 98 19 6
2064 We really need to get tighter security around here. 1.2520 0.04605 127 100 22 5
2065 I’m paraphrasing, but yes, it does say it’s all downhill from here. 1.2520 0.04996 127 103 16 8
2066 Yeah, there’s always one trying to slide by… 1.2520 0.04325 127 98 26 3
2067 Don't worry. That's just ski patrol. 1.2520 0.04325 127 98 26 3
2068 Seems like SOMEONE is always trying to break in line. 1.2519 0.04381 131 102 25 4
2069 What can I say, it’s Elon Musk. 1.2519 0.04641 131 104 21 6
2070 When you’re a bad person but you’re good at skiing 1.2519 0.04513 131 103 23 5
2071 Spoiler alert: He will die in heaven 1.2519 0.04641 131 104 21 6
2072 This motherfucker… 1.2519 0.05012 135 111 14 10
2073 He is skiing WAAAAYYYY out of bounds! 1.2519 0.04549 135 107 22 6
2074 Wait until you see His snow angels! 1.2519 0.04426 135 106 24 5
2075 Hey! Take a number. 1.2519 0.03894 135 102 32 1
2076 Here come the winter people 1.2519 0.04549 135 107 22 6
2077 Ruth Bader Ginsburg…hot-dogging for the new arrivals. 1.2519 0.04426 135 106 24 5
2078 That’s my husband. You have to let me in. 1.2519 0.04034 135 103 30 2
2079 You three get in as soon as hell freezes….oh, ok, come on in. 1.2519 0.04299 135 105 26 4
2080 Even God is a sports fan! 1.2519 0.04299 135 105 26 4
2081 Oh him? Yeah, we offer a sports package for an additional fee." 1.2519 0.04669 135 108 20 7
2082 He thinks he's so smart. Wait till he sees there's no snow up here. 1.2518 0.04343 139 109 25 5
2083 Heavenly conditions. 1.2518 0.04462 139 110 23 6
2084 It's the ''agony of defeat' guy, still trying to get it right. 1.2518 0.04343 139 109 25 5
2085 Yes, this is the ultimate slippery slope! 1.2517 0.04490 143 114 22 7
2086 I must reconsider. This being is not wearing a helmet. 1.2517 0.04490 143 114 22 7
2087 You’ll be reunited with your loved ones and pets. And best of all, there are no snowboarders. 1.2517 0.04265 143 112 26 5
2088 Around here, some call it Downhell racing. 1.2517 0.04148 143 111 28 4
2089 She apparently skipped the stairs to buy a Ski-Way to Heaven 1.2517 0.04490 143 114 22 7
2090 You can also sign up for our Surfs Up entrance experience. 1.2517 0.04190 147 115 27 5
2091 Skiers get a special route past the Pearly Gates when there are Cumulus clouds. 1.2517 0.04528 151 122 20 9
2092 Please have your lift tickets where I can see them. 1.2517 0.04119 151 118 28 5
2093 (Sigh) It’s a new option rather than traditional wings. 1.2517 0.04119 151 118 28 5
2094 Well, there goes my performance bonus. 1.2517 0.04429 151 121 22 8
2095 I didn't know that was an option... 1.2516 0.03947 155 120 31 4
2096 He will be next in line in a few minutes. 1.2516 0.04182 159 126 26 7
2097 Yes, some mistake clouds for snow on their way to hell. 1.2515 0.03828 163 126 33 4
2098 That's the VIP service. 1.2515 0.03958 167 131 30 6
2099 Oops, he’s not dead yet! 1.2500 0.04734 132 106 19 7
2100 Another eternal benefit for skiers is not riding the lifts. 1.2500 0.04994 112 89 18 5
2101 Yes, he moves in mysterious ways. But please don't call him a show off to his face - that won't go well for you. 1.2500 0.04944 108 85 19 4
2102 It's a loophole, but it only happens every four years. 1.2500 0.04484 112 86 24 2
2103 Yeah, that guy mistook us for Paradise Valley, Banff 1.2500 0.04467 120 93 24 3
2104 Just so you know those who choose the downhill slope will eventually run out of snow. 1.2500 0.04467 120 93 24 3
2105 Ah, Jesus is hitting the slopes again. 1.2500 0.04195 140 109 27 4
2106 Oh yes, and we now include unlimited lift tickets as part of our platinum-bliss rewards package. 1.2500 0.04166 148 116 27 5
2107 If you sign up in advance you can skip going through TSA. 1.2500 0.04142 136 105 28 3
2108 I see a metaphor coming on, but I haven't decided if it's gate clearing or gate crashing. 1.2500 0.04071 140 108 29 3
2109 must be time for après-vie 1.2500 0.04610 132 105 21 6
2110 'God knows who he is...' 1.2500 0.04239 144 113 26 5
2111 Here you can ski like a bat out of hell. 1.2500 0.04397 136 107 24 5
2112 Are those Rossignols? 1.2500 0.04622 120 94 22 4
2113 Jesus is an excellent skier 1.2500 0.05030 116 93 17 6
2114 Due to issues of potential liability, we've been advised to discontinue offering the all day lift-pass. 1.2500 0.04352 144 114 24 6
2115 They keep looking for innovative ways to get in from the other place 1.2500 0.04734 132 106 19 7
2116 That's TSA Pre-Check. 1.2500 0.03880 144 110 32 2
2117 We give new saints some time to acclimate. 1.2500 0.04078 132 101 29 2
2118 Well..that IS how he died.. 1.2500 0.04217 132 102 27 3
2119 There goes another overachiever. 1.2500 0.04296 128 99 26 3
2120 Don't worry, skiing up here is very safe. 1.2500 0.04397 136 107 24 5
2121 Well, I designed the lift. 1.2500 0.03820 148 113 33 2
2122 There's not a rule explicitly forbidding it. It's actually how most lawyers get in. 1.2500 0.04388 108 82 25 1
2123 He'll be here sooner than he thinks! 1.2500 0.04239 144 113 26 5
2124 This really is heaven!!! 1.2500 0.04296 128 99 26 3
2125 That’s our new V.I.P. entry upgrade. 1.2500 0.04879 116 92 19 5
2126 Gate crashers have no shame! 1.2500 0.04123 144 112 28 4
2127 I told Him in the Beginning that the gates were too close to the Alps. 1.2500 0.04610 132 105 21 6
2128 okay, I lied. There is one shortcut to Heaven. 1.2500 0.05389 100 80 15 5
2129 White privilege. 1.2500 0.05087 132 109 13 10
2130 Didn’t know you could jump the line.. 1.2500 0.04201 152 120 26 6
2131 Damn, another breach from the Northern border. 1.2500 0.04352 132 103 25 4
2132 That's Roger. He'll be joining the line shortly. 1.2500 0.04660 140 113 19 8
2133 I guess it's better than skating on thin Ice. 1.2500 0.04526 124 97 23 4
2134 Let’s pray he sticks the landing! 1.2500 0.04722 116 91 21 4
2135 The boss was not planning for this when he made the mountains. 1.2500 0.04403 152 122 22 8
2136 Elon? Is that you? 1.2500 0.05067 104 82 18 4
2137 It's a loophole, for sure 1.2500 0.04316 140 110 25 5
2138 It's the moguls. 1.2500 0.04352 132 103 25 4
2139 We’re part of Vail now. 1.2500 0.04142 120 91 28 1
2140 He worked 25 years at Vail. He has a free pass 1.2500 0.04519 136 108 22 6
2141 Schuss schuss schussing over heaven's door 1.2500 0.04433 140 111 23 6
2142 The tragedy is that they never seem to realise spending eternity in traction is actually a thing 1.2500 0.05192 120 98 14 8
2143 Don’t worry he’ll land this one. 1.2500 0.04669 124 98 21 5
2144 First snowfall of the season. There's always one. 1.2500 0.04462 144 115 22 7
2145 Annnd over here you have the express lane. The express lane is only available through the Mount Everest route . 1.2500 0.04734 132 106 19 7
2146 Hark! The Herald angel shreds. 1.2500 0.04622 120 94 22 4
2147 His nine lives must not be up yet. 1.2485 0.04262 169 137 22 10
2148 It seems like he’s been up there for eternity. 1.2484 0.04006 157 123 29 5
2149 He’ll die doing what he loves. 1.2484 0.03688 157 120 35 2
2150 Ironically, the fall will kill him. Again. 1.2484 0.04301 157 126 23 8
2151 There goes another one trying to jump the queue. 1.2484 0.04006 157 123 29 5
2152 Someone's in a hurry. 1.2484 0.04278 153 122 24 7
2153 Who among you doubted the return of the messiah? 1.2484 0.04377 153 123 22 8
2154 Just wait until they try to stick the landing. Gabriel will have a little surprise waiting for our gatecrasher. 1.2484 0.04278 153 122 24 7
2155 Don’t worry, if past experience is any guide, it won’t be too long before he’s in this line. 1.2484 0.03965 153 119 30 4
2156 We really need to close that loophole. 1.2484 0.04377 153 123 22 8
2157 He’ll be first to the bottom. 1.2483 0.04098 145 113 28 4
2158 Well that must have been an expensive ski pass 1.2483 0.03979 145 112 30 3
2159 Overdose. 1.2483 0.04213 145 114 26 5
2160 Need I remind you, we have resort fees here too?” 1.2483 0.04325 145 115 24 6
2161 Must be a powder day 1.2483 0.04213 145 114 26 5
2162 The championship course this year is a killer, but at least they get a soft landing. 1.2483 0.04541 145 117 20 8
2163 On Tuesdays, we have Nordic sports. The good news is you can't die again. But... 1.2483 0.04435 145 116 22 7
2164 Franz Klammer is out of gate Again! 1.2483 0.04213 145 114 26 5
2165 Jumpin' Jehoshaphat! Why can't he use the gate like everyone else? 1.2482 0.04519 141 113 21 7
2166 His coach kept telling him that the sky is the limit 1.2482 0.04289 141 111 25 5
2167 Saint Peter should be here any moment- it’s a powder day. 1.2482 0.04046 141 109 29 3
2168 Infinite recreation opportunities and no possibility of if injuries: as you would have expected. 1.2482 0.04369 137 108 24 5
2169 He's passing BY, not ON. 1.2482 0.04244 137 107 26 4
2170 Only if the landing is a perfect 10.0 1.2482 0.04116 137 106 28 3
2171 usual cheater... 1.2482 0.04608 137 110 20 7
2172 Only one person has ever stuck the landing. 1.2482 0.04244 137 107 26 4
2173 Don't worry - this is a ski-in, ski-out property. 1.2481 0.04702 133 107 19 7
2174 Autocorrect gets it wrong again. It’s “the sky’s the limit,” not “ski.” 1.2481 0.04051 133 102 29 2
2175 A flyover 1.2481 0.04453 133 105 23 5
2176 Even here, the Lord works in mysterious ways. 1.2481 0.04579 133 106 21 6
2177 I hope someone’s judging this. 1.2481 0.04453 133 105 23 5
2178 The gate is symbolic. Hell is real. 1.2481 0.04579 133 106 21 6
2179 Athletes have a different admission standard. 1.2481 0.04189 133 103 27 3
2180 A down hill to eternal life 1.2481 0.04702 133 107 19 7
2181 Well, it’s that time of the year again, the snowbirds are coming ! 1.2481 0.04323 133 104 25 4
2182 What in the high heavens? 1.2481 0.04579 133 106 21 6
2183 Must be an atheist... 1.2481 0.04407 129 101 24 4
2184 Looks like another one who didn't pay his lift ticket 1.2481 0.04407 129 101 24 4
2185 It’s always a powder day 1.2481 0.04407 129 101 24 4
2186 He's way overdressed to where he is going! 1.2481 0.04542 129 102 22 5
2187 Our more recent arrivals are not into harp playing anymore but cloud skiing is catching on. 1.2481 0.04801 129 104 18 7
2188 Now I'm worried about climate change. 1.2481 0.04542 129 102 22 5
2189 What that hell . . .? 1.2480 0.04773 125 100 19 6
2190 Oh yes,your stay also includes access to a variety of winter sports. 1.2480 0.03878 125 94 31 0
2191 Forgive me, but he won't need his scarf where he's going. 1.2480 0.05036 125 102 15 8
2192 The new ‘7th Heaven’ chairlift must’ve opened. 1.2480 0.04773 125 100 19 6
2193 Oh, entry's automatic for ski jumpers who miss their landing." 1.2479 0.04879 121 97 18 6
2194 Don't worry if he falls, he'll rise again. 1.2479 0.05278 117 96 13 8
2195 He has a pre-check card 1.2479 0.04361 117 90 25 2
2196 It’s okay. Every now and then someone from Slalom and Gomorrah jumps the line. 1.2479 0.04687 117 92 21 4
2197 Uh oh, that’s going to be a 3 day penalty if he doesn’t go between the gates. 1.2479 0.04527 117 91 23 3
2198 He doesn't realize which line he's jumping. 1.2478 0.04954 113 90 18 5
2199 The "Cold day in Hell" loophole really needs to be addressed. 1.2477 0.04728 109 85 21 3
2200 It looks like someone is in one hell of a hurry. 1.2477 0.04544 109 84 23 2
2201 He suffered the agony of defeat on the slopes so we thought he earned a little thrill of victory when he got here. 1.2477 0.05074 109 87 17 5
2202 Ski in. Ski out. Heaven has it all! 1.2476 0.05203 105 84 16 5
2203 Jesus is more into turning water into heavenly powder this time of year 1.2476 0.04645 105 81 22 2
2204 Hold on a sec, I want to see if he'll be written into the Book of the Thrill of Victory or the Book of the Agony of Defeat. 1.2475 0.05152 101 80 17 4
2205 Someone should have told him that TSA precheck does not guarantee snow in hell 1.2475 0.04752 101 78 21 2
2206 Oh, that was Lindsay Vonn attempting a comeback 1.2468 0.04049 154 121 28 5
2207 Yes,it is Sonny Bono. 1.2468 0.04049 154 121 28 5
2208 I assure you. It is not downhill from here. 1.2468 0.04049 154 121 28 5
2209 He’d better land it safely: there’s nothing under his name. 1.2467 0.04224 150 119 25 6
2210 Tsk...I hate it when they override our security wall. 1.2467 0.04224 150 119 25 6
2211 That John Kerry! He thinks the rules don’t apply to him. 1.2467 0.04116 150 118 27 5
2212 Looks like another “agony of defeat” guy is joining the cue next. 1.2466 0.04407 146 117 22 7
2213 He repented for the skiing. 1.2466 0.03956 146 113 30 3
2214 In the Olympics that would get him a 10! Up here, he gets a one-way ticket down to the unending BBQ. 1.2465 0.04490 142 114 21 7
2215 Yes, It appears he will be joining us soon. 1.2465 0.04262 142 112 25 5
2216 There goes another one heading south for the rest of eternity. 1.2465 0.04378 142 113 23 6
2217 There is no shortcut to heaven... I mean, was 1.2465 0.04262 142 112 25 5
2218 I'm sorry, you will have to wait. black diamond entrants get priority. 1.2465 0.04262 142 112 25 5
2219 Here in Heaven, we offer a variety of activities to dull the eternal monotony. 1.2464 0.03958 138 106 30 2
2220 He thinks the clouds are snow. 1.2464 0.04217 138 108 26 4
2221 Pot is legal in Colorado 1.2464 0.04461 138 110 22 6
2222 Uh Oh! I think AI misread his GPS!!!! 1.2464 0.04217 138 108 26 4
2223 The concertina wire will get him. 1.2463 0.04424 134 106 23 5
2224 She can try getting in that way, but it won’t work. Nobody gets to skip the line. 1.2463 0.04424 134 106 23 5
2225 Thank God it's not a snowboarder. 1.2463 0.04424 134 106 23 5
2226 Oh that? It's the boss's son showing off again 1.2463 0.04295 134 105 25 4
2227 When God closes a door he opens a ski resort. 1.2463 0.04670 134 108 19 7
2228 Another angel is getting his wings! 1.2463 0.04295 134 105 25 4
2229 We need to build a wall! 1.2463 0.04424 134 106 23 5
2230 We get jumpers every Winter Solstice. 1.2463 0.04162 134 104 27 3
2231 Why? Well,in life he was an Uber driver, and when he drove, people prayed. At your church services, people just slept. So… 1.2462 0.04768 130 105 18 7
2232 The millennials have figured out a new way to get into heaven. 1.2462 0.04511 130 103 22 5
2233 A shortcut to heaven 1.2462 0.04377 130 102 24 4
2234 And if you look to your left you'll see another one without a helmet. 1.2462 0.04768 130 105 18 7
2235 Don't worry. As soon as he lands, he'll fall in line behind the rest of you. 1.2460 0.04871 126 102 17 7
2236 Looks like Eddie the Eagle finally won the gold. 1.2460 0.04319 126 98 25 3
2237 Gwyneth Paltrow strikes again… 1.2460 0.05000 126 103 15 8
2238 That's why you should have signed up for our E-pass. 1.2460 0.04319 126 98 25 3
2239 He’s late again. The wings are in his locker. 1.2460 0.04463 126 99 23 4
2240 The season pass is great this time of year, but summers are hot as hell. 1.2460 0.04463 126 99 23 4
2241 Getting back down is actually harder than it looks 1.2459 0.04555 122 96 22 4
2242 He's entering heaven's airspace. 1.2459 0.04555 122 96 22 4
2243 This is one gate you don’t want to miss. 1.2459 0.04555 122 96 22 4
2244 I wouldn’t try that until you’ve got your wings! 1.2459 0.04403 122 95 24 3
2245 You’ll find the lift tickets reasonably priced. 1.2459 0.04555 122 96 22 4
2246 It’s colder at high altitudes 1.2459 0.04555 122 96 22 4
2247 He's heading to Heavenly Valley. 1.2459 0.04981 122 99 16 7
2248 I didn't think Red Bull meant it 1.2456 0.04589 114 89 22 3
2249 He can walk on water, but what he really loves is flying through the air. 1.2456 0.04589 114 89 22 3
2250 For some folks, it's all downhill from here 1.2456 0.04755 114 90 20 4
2251 Some just try harder to get in. 1.2456 0.04416 114 88 24 2
2252 He's next year! 1.2456 0.04589 114 89 22 3
2253 He's seeking asylum. 1.2456 0.04915 114 91 18 5
2254 Those guys use self check in. 1.2455 0.04865 110 87 19 4
2255 Look out for the tree ! 1.2455 0.04865 110 87 19 4
2256 Ah, there’s Gabriel - he’s a real show off. 1.2455 0.05033 110 88 17 5
2257 Yes, Jesus skis in jeans 1.2455 0.05033 110 88 17 5
2258 What do you expect from a sport that has ambulances at the bottom of the run? 1.2453 0.04345 159 129 21 9
2259 No climate change going on here 1.2453 0.04982 106 84 18 4
2260 Wait!!! I'll be there as soon as I finish this run. 1.2451 0.05107 102 81 17 4
2261 Uh-oh. 1.2450 0.04092 151 119 27 5
2262 Well, there is no snow in hell. 1.2449 0.04162 147 116 26 5
2263 We really need a disclaimer on the black diamond runs. 1.2449 0.04162 147 116 26 5
2264 Gotta do something about that mountain! 1.2449 0.03812 147 113 32 2
2265 …and if you prefer winter sports St. Bernard runs our intramural down hill skiing team. 1.2449 0.04273 147 117 24 6
2266 He lived — and died— for the slopes. 1.2449 0.04049 147 115 28 4
2267 One Flew Over The Pearly Gate 1.2448 0.03997 143 111 29 3
2268 It never occurred to you? If hell is hot then... 1.2446 0.04313 139 110 24 5
2269 Yeah, every now and then we get a gnarly free rider catching extreme air. 1.2446 0.04190 139 109 26 4
2270 Another overachiever 1.2446 0.04548 139 112 20 7
2271 We don’t actually have wings 1.2446 0.04432 139 111 22 6
2272 We are waiting for Congress to send us a new bill on boarder policy. 1.2444 0.04394 135 107 23 5
2273 He didn't stick his landing...But he keeps trying. 1.2444 0.04394 135 107 23 5
2274 He’s a Skywards Platinum+ member 1.2444 0.04518 135 108 21 6
2275 And I thought athletes had an advantage getting into college. 1.2443 0.04858 131 107 16 8
2276 He's an Eternal Passholder 1.2443 0.04480 131 104 22 5
2277 Oh, they're part of our TSA PreCheck® program... 1.2443 0.04977 131 108 14 9
2278 Don’t worry. What he doesn’t know is that cheaters fall into a trapdoor that takes them directly to that other place. 1.2443 0.04609 131 105 20 6
2279 The Ski Patrol watches over our Saint Bernards. 1.2443 0.04347 131 103 24 4
2280 He'll be at the gate in about twenty seconds. 1.2443 0.04609 131 105 20 6
2281 He bought the Skip-The-Line-Exclusive Heaven Season Pass ($799.99). These moguls, huh?! 1.2443 0.04609 131 105 20 6
2282 Unfortunately, the ski package is only for members of our sanctimony rewards program. 1.2443 0.04480 131 104 22 5
2283 Good air… 1.2443 0.04210 131 102 26 3
2284 You weren’t supposed to see that. 1.2443 0.04609 131 105 20 6
2285 In our defense, downhill skiing was not a thing when we set up the rules. 1.2441 0.04432 127 100 23 4
2286 He is in for a surprise when he sees the tree at the last second. 1.2441 0.04706 127 102 19 6
2287 He’ll get his ticket clipped and find out the other resort is not as nice. 1.2441 0.04289 127 99 25 3
2288 Even the heavens pause for extreme sports. 1.2441 0.04289 127 99 25 3
2289 Dammit. Another E-ZPass. 1.2439 0.04217 123 95 26 2
2290 It's too late to stick the landing now. 1.2439 0.04667 123 98 20 5
2291 Well, that’s one way of entering without prior approval! 1.2439 0.04217 123 95 26 2
2292 Some folks can’t do anything without making it a competition! 1.2439 0.04372 123 96 24 3
2293 Angels aren't the only ones who can fly here 1.2439 0.04944 123 100 16 7
2294 There’s that one big tree on a curve at Aspen… 1.2437 0.03940 160 126 29 5
2295 Is he on his way in or his way out 1.2437 0.04617 119 94 21 4
2296 That's the kind of antics that got him here in the first place. 1.2437 0.04916 119 96 17 6
2297 I guess he thought I said it must be his Slalom vow… 1.2437 0.04617 119 94 21 4
2298 How Norwegians get into heaven. 1.2437 0.04297 119 92 25 2
2299 Right Turn !!! 1.2437 0.04297 119 92 25 2
2300 Faster than wings. They're called skis. 1.2436 0.04003 156 123 28 5
2301 Yeah, this is not allowed in here but we look the other way: He's the boss's son. 1.2435 0.05031 115 93 16 6
2302 All are welcome to the apray-ski. 1.2435 0.04718 115 91 20 4
2303 At the speed she’s going, I’d give it another five minutes before she joins us. 1.2435 0.04877 115 92 18 5
2304 Can you believe it? He just had a hip replacement. 1.2435 0.04383 115 89 24 2
2305 JC loves to hit the slopes for his birthday 1.2435 0.05180 115 94 14 7
2306 I knew the snowboarders wouldn’t get in 1.2435 0.04553 115 90 22 3
2307 That's the Russian ski jumper from the 2014 Sochi Olympics, as soon as it was realized he wasn't going to be placed in the top 3 it was safer for him to come straight here 1.2435 0.04718 115 91 20 4
2308 We offer ski jumpers an early acceptance plan 1.2434 0.04174 152 121 25 6
2309 Welcome to Hell. It’s all downhill from here. 1.2434 0.04277 152 122 23 7
2310 What in the Sam hell? 1.2434 0.04174 152 121 25 6
2311 Incoming 1.2432 0.04653 111 87 21 3
2312 Lift lines open at 8:00 a.m. 1.2432 0.04826 111 88 19 4
2313 He's one of our snow angels in training. 1.2432 0.04653 111 87 21 3
2314 Must have been a big mogul. 1.2432 0.04354 148 119 22 7
2315 I told them, "Build a higher wall, but 'no," they wouldn't listen!" 1.2432 0.05154 111 90 15 6
2316 Look, folks If you don't get in, it's all down hill from here! 1.2431 0.04324 144 115 23 6
2317 Just another ski jumper who didn't stick the landing. 1.2431 0.04210 144 114 25 5
2318 We also feature hot air balloon rides and deep-sea scuba diving. 1.2431 0.03848 144 111 31 2
2319 Don't expect that kind of wind lift every day. 1.2431 0.04093 144 113 27 4
2320 Pre check has immediate access. 1.2430 0.04940 107 85 18 4
2321 One of our timeshare residents. His other condo is on some tropical volcano. 1.2430 0.04372 107 82 24 1
2322 He is in what we call no man's land 1.2430 0.04569 107 83 22 2
2323 It's that guy from the Charles Addams cartoon. 1.2430 0.05116 107 86 16 5
2324 We leased a few acres to the Swiss last year. 1.2430 0.05116 107 86 16 5
2325 He will be joining us soon. 1.2429 0.04519 140 113 20 7
2326 We’re waiting for one more guest who will be joining us shortly. 1.2429 0.04039 140 109 28 3
2327 Not another queue-jumper! 1.2429 0.04164 140 110 26 4
2328 Jumping the queue. 1.2429 0.04404 140 112 22 6
2329 He’s part of our VIP program. 1.2429 0.04164 140 110 26 4
2330 Oh him? He's fleeing not skiing. 1.2427 0.05248 103 83 15 5
2331 For Heaven's sake, another Gate-crasher. 1.2426 0.04366 136 108 23 5
2332 He purchased the Sonny Bono Express Pass. 1.2426 0.04109 136 106 27 3
2333 Competition is stiff on this millennium's Heaven's Got Talent. 1.2426 0.04489 136 109 21 6
2334 How did Greg afford a season pass?! 1.2426 0.04239 136 107 25 4
2335 Looks like my two o'clock just jumped the line. 1.2426 0.04489 136 109 21 6
2336 Eddie the Eagle. He would never have qualified under any conventional standard. 1.2426 0.04608 136 110 19 7
2337 Snowboarders go to Hell. 1.2426 0.04489 136 109 21 6
2338 There’s a reason the Norwegians pay higher taxes. 1.2426 0.04366 136 108 23 5
2339 Someone's always cutting to the head of the line... 1.2424 0.04450 132 105 22 5
2340 He won't look so smart when he lands on these clouds. 1.2424 0.04703 132 107 18 7
2341 He’s going straight to hell! 1.2424 0.04450 132 105 22 5
2342 Proximity to the Alps, you know... it happens sometimes. 1.2424 0.04992 99 78 18 3
2343 I think he took a wrong turn and it's all downhill from here! 1.2424 0.04450 132 105 22 5
2344 Don't be alarmed. He's there to demonstrate the spiritual and linguistic connection between slalom and shalom. 1.2424 0.04182 132 103 26 3
2345 They'll do anything to avoid snowboarders. 1.2424 0.04703 132 107 18 7
2346 Welcome to Heavenly. 1.2424 0.04578 132 106 20 6
2347 Good try, but he can't stay. It's out of bounds. 1.2422 0.04112 161 129 25 7
2348 Oh, just another novice skier who tried a black diamond run. We get a few a month. 1.2422 0.04401 128 101 23 4
2349 No helmet, he'll be next in line. 1.2422 0.04802 128 104 17 7
2350 That's a 10 1.2422 0.04539 128 102 21 5
2351 There goes John the Hypocrite. 1.2422 0.04259 128 100 25 3
2352 We had to up our amenities to stay ahead of Aspen. 1.2422 0.04539 128 102 21 5
2353 She bought an afterlifetime pass. 1.2422 0.04802 128 104 17 7
2354 The Eternal Pass gets you… 1.2422 0.04401 128 101 23 4
2355 Yeah, our altitude is not as high as you thought. 1.2420 0.03876 157 123 30 4
2356 Oh my. There's the ski jumpers. Last week it was the pole vaulters. 1.2420 0.04371 157 128 20 9
2357 We finally won the bid to host the Winter Olympics 1.2420 0.04277 157 127 22 8
2358 Of course, NOW he sticks the landing. 1.2419 0.04187 124 96 26 2
2359 That’s John Paul II - we call it “the schuss of the Fisherman” 1.2419 0.04490 124 98 22 4
2360 He won't like where he lands. 1.2417 0.04879 120 97 17 6
2361 First come first serve 1.2417 0.04427 120 94 23 3
2362 I haven’t seen that since Sonny Bono. 1.2416 0.04431 149 121 20 8
2363 He was inspired by Icarus. 1.2416 0.04113 149 118 26 5
2364 That's why God prefers snowboarding 1.2416 0.04328 149 120 22 7
2365 He has the Epic pass” @maxwellstonewinte 1.2416 0.04001 149 117 28 4
2366 Wings? Don’t be ridiculous. 1.2414 0.04350 116 90 24 2
2367 Yes, it's all included and you won't need to worry about snow anymore. 1.2414 0.04519 116 91 22 3
2368 They had a good run and are in. 1.2414 0.03825 145 112 31 2
2369 That’s the high road. 1.2414 0.04682 116 92 20 4
2370 The challenge is the lift ticket… 1.2414 0.03825 145 112 31 2
2371 Yes, we are a 4 season experience. 1.2414 0.04619 145 119 17 9
2372 The line should move faster now that he’s back from vacation. 1.2414 0.04184 145 115 25 5
2373 Heli-redemtion is the new fad. 1.2411 0.04376 141 113 22 6
2374 Yes, it is cold here, but the other place is much hotter. 1.2411 0.04376 141 113 22 6
2375 Yes, we have EZPass 1.2411 0.04138 141 111 26 4
2376 That's what I call extreme skiing. 1.2411 0.04952 112 90 17 5
2377 Forget what you’ve heard about angels. 1.2411 0.05418 112 93 11 8
2378 Yes,it is an ingenious entry method. The Almighty enjoys awarding style points. But anything less than a perfect 10 and... well, use your imagination. 1.2411 0.05267 112 92 13 7
2379 Looks like another "Agony of defeat." 1.2411 0.04616 112 88 21 3
2380 He has a season pass. 1.2409 0.04082 137 107 27 3
2381 He always wanted to vanquish a mogul. 1.2409 0.04212 137 108 25 4
2382 He’s an early arrival. 1.2409 0.04082 137 107 27 3
2383 He wanted one last run. 1.2409 0.04578 137 111 19 7
2384 That aways happens in an Olympic year 1.2407 0.05073 108 87 16 5
2385 Look, it is Elon Musk arriving in the cosmic sky skis crafted by SpaceX for his entrance to eternity. 1.2407 0.05073 108 87 16 5
2386 Another one who confuses 'apres ski' with 'afterlife'" 1.2407 0.05073 108 87 16 5
2387 She's looking for the snowball in Hell. 1.2406 0.04420 133 106 22 5
2388 He won't need that wardrobe where he's headed. 1.2406 0.04671 133 108 18 7
2389 Believe me, you'll see some weird s*** here. 1.2406 0.04420 133 106 22 5
2390 Christ has died. Christ is risen. Christ will shred the gnar. 1.2406 0.04015 133 103 28 2
2391 It's part of our new "try before you buy" program. 1.2406 0.04154 133 104 26 3
2392 Really? Nobody on earth told you that heaven is actually a time-share in Aspen? 1.2406 0.04420 133 106 22 5
2393 He has the Ski-in/Ski-out package. 1.2405 0.04157 158 127 24 7
2394 Not all angels have wings. 1.2403 0.04371 129 102 23 4
2395 Of course! That’s why he created mountains. 1.2403 0.04230 129 101 25 3
2396 Jumping the line won’t fly at the Pearly Gates 1.2403 0.04640 129 104 19 6
2397 He’s having a hard time adjusting. 1.2403 0.04085 129 100 27 2
2398 It's the annual return of the heavenly snow birds. 1.2403 0.04508 129 103 21 5
2399 It’s ok. He’s clear. 1.2403 0.04640 129 104 19 6
2400 Don't be alarmed none of this is real. 1.2403 0.04022 154 122 27 5
2401 He's just passing through, he'll go all the way down. 1.2403 0.04228 154 124 23 7
2402 That's King Slalom Man. 1.2403 0.03692 154 119 33 2
2403 Holy hell! 1.2400 0.04458 125 99 22 4
2404 It's okay. He's part of the mile high club. 1.2400 0.04458 125 99 22 4
2405 They told him he was on a slippery slope to hell... I guess he took it as a challenge 1.2400 0.03978 150 118 28 4
2406 Still trying to find a suitable name for that run. 1.2400 0.04600 125 100 20 5
2407 The express lane really isn't everything it's cracked up to be. 1.2400 0.03978 150 118 28 4
2408 ... teach a man to ski, and well... just look what happens. 1.2400 0.04302 150 121 22 7
2409 He’ll try anything to get in. He knows he’s not qualified, but I have to give him ‘A’for effort. I can’t wait to see what he’ll try tomorrow. 1.2400 0.04873 125 102 16 7
2410 One gate left to clear. 1.2400 0.04458 125 99 22 4
2411 Our passes are for eternity. 1.2400 0.04458 125 99 22 4
2412 I lived my whole Earthly life thinking the Pearly Gates were at a much higher altitude! 1.2400 0.04000 125 96 28 1
2413 I hope it’s not all downhill from here… 1.2400 0.04458 125 99 22 4
2414 He medaled, so he automatically qualifies. 1.2400 0.04600 125 100 20 5
2415 Now that’s what I call getting some air 1.2400 0.04197 150 120 24 6
2416 Last week he tried by parachute; the week before that he had them shoot him out of a cannon. 1.2397 0.04271 146 117 23 6
2417 Oh dear. Another one tried to ski a black diamond, and without a helmet. 1.2397 0.04043 146 115 27 4
2418 He’s a legacy admit. 1.2397 0.03925 146 114 29 3
2419 Climate change is forcing all the skiers farther north every year. 1.2397 0.04486 146 119 19 8
2420 That's God. He IS all-powerful—but he's no Jean-Claude Killy. 1.2397 0.04698 121 97 19 5
2421 I keep telling him that this is Saint Peter's , but he still thinks its San Moritz. 1.2397 0.04395 121 95 23 3
2422 Have you subscribed Heaven Access Premium? 1.2394 0.04348 142 114 22 6
2423 I said 'Sodom', not 'slalom'! 1.2394 0.04572 142 116 18 8
2424 Perfect ski conditions everyday and you don't have to wear a ski helmet! 1.2394 0.04348 142 114 22 6
2425 To snowboard is to be cool, but to ski is to be divine 1.2394 0.04112 142 112 26 4
2426 Privilege 1.2394 0.03862 142 110 30 2
2427 NBC's Olympic spending is getting out of hand. 1.2394 0.04112 142 112 26 4
2428 That was a misquote. It was actually the skis to heaven. 1.2394 0.04232 142 113 24 5
2429 Ironically, breakneck speed on the final gate is what got him here. 1.2393 0.04802 117 94 18 5
2430 Some people will do anything to avoid the gates. 1.2393 0.04485 117 92 22 3
2431 These days we’re a little less celestial and more alpine. 1.2393 0.04646 117 93 20 4
2432 Jesus just took up skiing. 1.2393 0.04646 117 93 20 4
2433 Sonny Bono is about to arrive. 1.2393 0.04317 117 91 24 2
2434 I do very much dislike it when they hold the downhill here at Heavenly Valley. 1.2393 0.03961 117 89 28 0
2435 Unfortunately he missed the final gate. 1.2391 0.04185 138 109 25 4
2436 Our fifth will be joining us shorty after the avalanche 1.2391 0.04309 138 110 23 5
2437 He's coming down from Aspen. 1.2391 0.04056 138 108 27 3
2438 Snow Long, Friend 1.2391 0.04430 138 111 21 6
2439 Ah, yes, that makes sense. His friends said he would make it to heaven when hell freezes over. 1.2391 0.04185 138 109 25 4
2440 He's in purgatory. 1.2391 0.04430 138 111 21 6
2441 Oh, that's too bad...he doesn't even know that he's not going to stick the landing. 1.2390 0.04133 159 128 24 7
2442 Well this takes extreme sports to a whole new level... 1.2389 0.04749 113 90 19 4
2443 Another victory for trees. 1.2389 0.04580 113 89 21 3
2444 Don't worry they all crash and burn 1.2389 0.04580 113 89 21 3
2445 That’s just His process. First He gets pissed off, then He goes off piste… 1.2389 0.04580 113 89 21 3
2446 Heavenly! 1.2388 0.04639 134 109 18 7
2447 Don't worry. ICE will get him. 1.2388 0.03989 134 104 28 2
2448 The upside of high risk ski racing is that when you end up here you can cut the line”! 1.2388 0.04127 134 105 26 3
2449 Guess he doesn’t realize it’s always 70 degrees and sunny in here. 1.2388 0.04127 134 105 26 3
2450 Apologies, Kissinger will try anything to get in here. 1.2388 0.04261 134 106 24 4
2451 The heights they're reaching in ski jumping is getting ridiculous. 1.2388 0.04261 134 106 24 4
2452 Another one who believes heaven is clouds of perfect powder 1.2388 0.03989 134 104 28 2
2453 Oh yea, that’s Gabriel rolling out our new travel system for the angels. The wings are too Old Testament. 1.2388 0.04517 134 108 20 6
2454 Cutting the line doesn't get you anywhere but points for style 1.2387 0.03893 155 122 29 4
2455 Damned queue-jumpers... Don't worry, the iron dome will get him" 1.2387 0.03999 155 123 27 5
2456 Snowboarders go to the place. 1.2385 0.04681 109 86 20 3
2457 He keeps going like that - he'll be at the back of the line very soon! 1.2385 0.04859 109 87 18 4
2458 She will be joining you all shortly." 1.2385 0.05358 109 90 12 7
2459 Practicing coming down a mountain. 1.2385 0.04859 109 87 18 4
2460 Looks like people are really utilizing the Ski Jump to Heaven 1.2385 0.04681 109 86 20 3
2461 Some poor bastards will try anything to get in. 1.2385 0.04681 109 86 20 3
2462 He was actually created using ChatGPT to test our new automated defense system. 1.2385 0.03908 130 100 29 1
2463 Free ski is heaven's version of hell. 1.2385 0.04608 130 105 19 6
2464 ...and on the 8th day, there were winter sports. 1.2385 0.04341 130 103 23 4
2465 Oh hold on. I have to call the head office again about raising the fence 1.2385 0.04202 130 102 25 3
2466 Sure they get a brief 'thrill of the victory.' Sadly, they always forget about the 'agony of defeat' part. 1.2385 0.04202 130 102 25 3
2467 Season pass 1.2384 0.04378 151 123 20 8
2468 he was a Mormon 1.2384 0.03724 151 117 32 2
2469 Apparently the Black Diamond wasn't enough.... 1.2381 0.04977 105 84 17 4
2470 We've been waiting for him. 1.2381 0.04704 126 102 18 6
2471 Some people like to make a grand entrance. 1.2381 0.04837 126 103 16 7
2472 Well, what do you want? God has a life too! 1.2381 0.04426 126 100 22 4
2473 Looks like somone overshot. 1.2381 0.04245 147 118 23 6
2474 Hey , eyes on me. Nothing to see there. 1.2381 0.04280 126 99 24 3
2475 Wow, that's some righteous air. 1.2381 0.04019 147 116 27 4
2476 That’s the bunny slope. 1.2381 0.04280 126 99 24 3
2477 He heard there's a chance of a snowball in Hell. 1.2381 0.04426 126 100 22 4
2478 He took the bronze and the pearly gate. 1.2381 0.04567 126 101 20 5
2479 Well, at least it's not another wingsuit guy. 1.2381 0.04567 126 101 20 5
2480 Oh, him again. He's tried everything to get in. Last week he was on a camel and tried to pass through the eye of a needle. 1.2381 0.04426 126 100 22 4
2481 You asked for “Truth” - he’s “Dare”. 1.2381 0.04280 126 99 24 3
2482 We call them “Ski Trumpers”. They feel it’s their only chance I guess. 1.2381 0.04426 126 100 22 4
2483 Activities include a season pass and you won’t be needing helmets 1.2381 0.04133 147 117 25 5
2484 Huh. Must be snowing in hell again. 1.2381 0.04837 126 103 16 7
2485 His patron is St. Bernard. 1.2381 0.04426 126 100 22 4
2486 Premium pass holder. 1.2381 0.04280 126 99 24 3
2487 We don’t always talk about it, but yes, there are many paths to paradise, including skiing. Next! 1.2381 0.04837 126 103 16 7
2488 Oh Zeus! Tryouts for Winter Olympians 1.2378 0.03965 143 112 28 3
2489 Not to worry. He missed the tree but will still be dead on arrival. 1.2378 0.04087 143 113 26 4
2490 No, no. You misunderstood. He said "The lord is my shredder, I shall not wax" 1.2378 0.04321 143 115 22 6
2491 What a dickhead. 1.2378 0.04434 143 116 20 7
2492 Some choose the extreme sports challenge rather than face my judgment. 1.2377 0.04664 122 98 19 5
2493 Some people just refuse to acknowledge their passing. 1.2377 0.04946 122 100 15 7
2494 We’ve added a black diamond entrance 1.2377 0.04205 122 95 25 2
2495 Well... I guess someone actually DID read the fine print. 1.2377 0.04363 122 96 23 3
2496 She has a lifetime lift pass 1.2377 0.04946 122 100 15 7
2497 People interpret "the eye of the needle" in very different ways. 1.2376 0.04905 101 80 18 3
2498 Well, he won’t need his season pass anymore anyway. 1.2376 0.05103 101 81 16 4
2499 I told him walls won’t work 1.2375 0.04388 160 132 18 10
2500 He died with his fast pass on. 1.2374 0.04158 139 110 25 4
2501 I told her she can't expect to skate through. 1.2373 0.04611 118 94 20 4
2502 Oh so the robes were optional? 1.2373 0.04611 118 94 20 4
2503 I told them building the gate wouldn’t work. 1.2373 0.04766 118 95 18 5
2504 Yeah, you could try. 1.2372 0.03976 156 124 27 5
2505 You need to travel pretty far these days to find snow. Thanks a lot climate change. 1.2372 0.04179 156 126 23 7
2506 I knew I shouldn’t have moved these gates to Aspen. 1.2371 0.05029 97 77 17 3
2507 Hell does summer sports. 1.2370 0.04608 135 110 18 7
2508 We will raise the pearly wall and the devil will pay. 1.2370 0.04487 135 109 20 6
2509 We also offer snowboarding! 1.2370 0.04487 135 109 20 6
2510 Oops. Missed the gate. That means the other place for him. 1.2370 0.04100 135 106 26 3
2511 Turn at the slalom gate,not the pearl gates. 1.2370 0.04233 135 107 24 4
2512 We recommend starting on some of the smaller slopes, as some of the crevices have no bottom 1.2370 0.04362 135 108 22 5
2513 As you can see, we do take alternate pathways into consideration. 1.2370 0.04233 135 107 24 4
2514 Ahh, that's the VIP lane - Very Imminent Passing 1.2370 0.04100 135 106 26 3
2515 How do you suppose he got a fast pass? 1.2370 0.04100 135 106 26 3
2516 Wait, you mean we’re down here? 1.2370 0.04362 135 108 22 5
2517 She skis at Heavenly. 1.2370 0.04100 135 106 26 3
2518 And recreational activities start daily at 2pm. 1.2368 0.03819 152 119 30 3
2519 That guy's goin' to hell. 1.2368 0.04712 114 91 19 4
2520 Missing the gate will put him out of medal contention for certain. 1.2368 0.04545 114 90 21 3
2521 Listen closely; he's about to call my name... 1.2368 0.04874 114 92 17 5
2522 Be faithful and I will give you the Après-life. 1.2368 0.04874 114 92 17 5
2523 Wheeee 1.2368 0.04712 114 91 19 4
2524 Nah, you guys are fine. That jump is pretty hype but we're still not going to sit her without a reservation. 1.2368 0.04874 114 92 17 5
2525 Well, they’ve got a nice form. 1.2368 0.04251 152 123 22 7
2526 Still thinks he’s ahead of the avalanche “ 1.2368 0.04712 114 91 19 4
2527 That's cheating! 1.2366 0.03882 131 101 29 1
2528 I know. No snow boards, right?! 1.2366 0.04030 131 102 27 2
2529 Gabriel hasn't been the same since he discovered extreme sports. 1.2366 0.04312 131 104 23 4
2530 Apologies, Jesus is in his aprés ski phase. 1.2366 0.04312 131 104 23 4
2531 They have an express pass. 1.2366 0.04030 131 102 27 2
2532 You know, she DID lose half a day of skiing . . . 1.2366 0.04826 131 108 15 8
2533 That’s Evil Knievel. At this point he figures what’s the harm? 1.2366 0.04446 131 105 21 5
2534 No, we do not have a ski equipment rental service... 1.2366 0.04446 131 105 21 5
2535 The powder up here is amazing. 1.2366 0.04576 131 106 19 6
2536 Last run of the day. 1.2366 0.04930 93 73 18 2
2537 Oh, that's Bodie Miller. No one knows how he got here, but he still thinks he's God. 1.2366 0.05596 93 76 12 5
2538 Yep. And the snowboarders go to hell. 1.2366 0.05596 93 76 12 5
2539 Oh, that’s the 1% pre-order entrance plan. 1.2365 0.04326 148 120 21 7
2540 He’s on the direct entry plan. 1.2364 0.04644 110 87 20 3
2541 Some are just not suited for eternity. 1.2364 0.04820 110 88 18 4
2542 She said wings just weren't her style. 1.2364 0.04644 110 87 20 3
2543 A lift ticket for that approach is for those who are willing to take a leap 1.2362 0.04535 127 102 20 5
2544 We're still working on the Finnish loophole. 1.2362 0.04395 127 101 22 4
2545 Never mind that. Do you have a reservation? 1.2362 0.03946 127 98 28 1
2546 He'll get in line when he misses his landing. 1.2361 0.04621 144 119 16 9
2547 "He's just jumping the line to get in." 1.2361 0.04062 144 114 26 4
2548 Oh that? We have our own Olympics here. Heaven is excruciatingly boring. 1.2358 0.04749 106 84 19 3
2549 He still has some sins, but he's a ringer on our ski team against Hell. 1.2358 0.04749 106 84 19 3
2550 Skiers, pole vaulters and sky divers--some people just like to game the system. 1.2358 0.04749 106 84 19 3
2551 Most people prefer flying, but there's always a few oddballs. 1.2358 0.04175 123 96 25 2
2552 He'll join the line momentarily. 1.2358 0.04483 123 98 21 4
2553 After the incident, the Olympic Committee decided to shorten the length of the ski jump hill. 1.2358 0.04483 123 98 21 4
2554 We get three or four a day. 1.2358 0.04332 123 97 23 3
2555 The xtreme youtubers are getting out of hand. 1.2358 0.04332 123 97 23 3
2556 This is a political cartoon acknowledging that rich people can afford to ski and rich people can buy their way into heaven. How clever! 1.2358 0.04909 123 101 15 7
2557 Jesus Christ, not again! 1.2358 0.04630 123 99 19 5
2558 Speed demons are the only exception 1.2358 0.04332 123 97 23 3
2559 You’ve heard of Heavenly Mountain? 1.2358 0.04483 123 98 21 4
2560 “He didn’t understand which Purgatory we’re sending him to.” 1.2358 0.04332 123 97 23 3
2561 Skiing yes, but no snowboarding. 1.2357 0.04602 140 115 17 8
2562 Looks like it's time to open the book of Slalomon again... 1.2353 0.04418 119 94 22 3
2563 Nice try, but he’ll miss the landing. 1.2353 0.04074 136 107 26 3
2564 That’s why we call him Super G 1.2353 0.04730 119 96 18 5
2565 Yes, you really can do everything down there up here. 1.2353 0.04254 119 93 24 2
2566 You still gotta get around before you get your wings. 1.2353 0.04205 136 108 24 4
2567 He got IN over his skis. 1.2353 0.05058 102 82 16 4
2568 Behold… the arrival of Saint Francis of Askiski 1.2353 0.05022 119 98 14 7
2569 We’re not in the highest place then. 1.2353 0.04418 119 94 22 3
2570 He thinks he’ll stick the landing, but it’s all downhill for him. 1.2353 0.03682 153 119 32 2
2571 He went with priority boarding. 1.2353 0.04418 119 94 22 3
2572 Pre-clearance speeds things up considerably. 1.2353 0.04254 119 93 24 2
2573 They may think they are jumping the line,but really it's a 1 way to H-E- double toothpicks! 1.2353 0.04425 153 126 18 9
2574 Premium front-of-the-line all-resorts season pass for skiers who don't ask where they'll end up. 1.2353 0.04577 119 95 20 4
2575 Oh, he'll be disqualified. 1.2353 0.04418 119 94 22 3
2576 She always jumps the line. 1.2349 0.03855 149 117 29 3
2577 Golden streets and eternal worship are now just our basic package. 1.2349 0.04404 149 122 19 8
2578 TSA Pre! 1.2348 0.04416 132 106 21 5
2579 Wow, now that’s one way to jump the queue! 1.2348 0.04146 132 104 25 3
2580 He signed up for the fast pass. 1.2348 0.04004 132 103 27 2
2581 He traded his wings for them on Craig’s List. 1.2348 0.04146 132 104 25 3
2582 Welcome to Ski Heaven where angel groomed slopes are eternal and there's never a line at the lifts. My I have your 'Get out of Earth Cards', please. 1.2348 0.04670 132 108 17 7
2583 Another lift line jumper in for a big surprise 1.2348 0.04283 132 105 23 4
2584 He’s there to help keep the snowboarders out. 1.2348 0.04283 132 105 23 4
2585 ...and he'll never break a leg. 1.2348 0.04836 115 93 17 5
2586 I don't know why this hotshot just doesn't get in line like the rest of us! 1.2348 0.04991 115 94 15 6
2587 I'm sorry--here there is no pickle ball. 1.2348 0.04836 115 93 17 5
2588 Is that another way in? 1.2348 0.04676 115 92 19 4
2589 She asked for "just one more run".... .... That's her 3rd.... 1.2348 0.04836 115 93 17 5
2590 Uh…yeah…Jesus is a big winter X-games guy now. Ever since he died for our sins God kinda just lets him do whatever he wants around here…you know he’s sponsrd by Red Bull? 1.2348 0.04836 115 93 17 5
2591 We've got our own little Aspen up here, too. 1.2347 0.04983 98 78 17 3
2592 Look! Another Millenial performs a line cutting maneuver! 1.2347 0.04983 98 78 17 3
2593 We’re testing out our “fast track” entry process; we can redirect you if any of you ski or snowboard. 1.2347 0.04983 98 78 17 3
2594 He thinks he can come in the back way. 1.2347 0.04983 98 78 17 3
2595 Oh that….it’s just the hell-o-copter drop, no lines! 1.2347 0.04983 98 78 17 3
2596 We’ve been getting an increasing number of day passes, lately. 1.2345 0.04268 145 117 22 6
2597 Not fair! He’s jumping the line! 1.2345 0.04378 145 118 20 7
2598 Don't worry, Iron Dome will kick in any second now. 1.2345 0.04037 145 115 26 4
2599 Let me also tell you the benefits of our season pass. 1.2344 0.04638 128 104 18 6
2600 She pre-registered for our express check in plan. 1.2344 0.04503 128 103 20 5
2601 As soon as he hits a tree, he'll be at the end of the line. 1.2344 0.04221 128 101 24 3
2602 He just never really accepted being know as "The Agony of Defeat". 1.2344 0.04638 128 104 18 6
2603 An atheist high flyer looking for the truth…… 1.2344 0.04073 128 100 26 2
2604 No, just downhill. For some reason he’s not big on anything that uses the word “cross”. 1.2344 0.04896 128 106 14 8
2605 Life and death IS a competition. 1.2342 0.04236 111 86 24 1
2606 Yes, well, you're going to need a hobby 1.2342 0.04781 111 89 18 4
2607 Snow? Winter? Is this HELL? 1.2342 0.04781 111 89 18 4
2608 We still aren’t letting snowboarders in Alta 1.2342 0.04781 111 89 18 4
2609 Oh, he’s a regular. He’s been defying us for years. 1.2340 0.05332 94 76 14 4
2610 They often confuse this gate with the slalom gate! 1.2340 0.04106 141 112 25 4
2611 He went downhill fast 1.2340 0.04884 94 74 18 2
2612 He’s been circling for decades, waiting for Cher. 1.2340 0.03980 141 111 27 3
2613 Hell may have frozen over, but I’m afraid he’s still a bit over his skis if he thinks he’s slipping in. 1.2340 0.03851 141 110 29 2
2614 I’ll let you in, but only if you promise to stop me from agreeing to host the Olympics again. 1.2339 0.04737 124 101 17 6
2615 He sold me a condo at Beaver Creek. 1.2339 0.04301 124 98 23 3
2616 A cold day here is a little different. 1.2339 0.04596 124 100 19 5
2617 The chairlift sends him back automatically. 1.2339 0.04596 124 100 19 5
2618 Now there's something you don't ski every day. 1.2339 0.04451 124 99 21 4
2619 Yea, that one is going downhill straight to hell. Am I right? Or am I right? 1.2339 0.04451 124 99 21 4
2620 He must have caught the chair lift to the top of Mt. Olympus. 1.2336 0.05070 107 87 15 5
2621 And there goes Saint Moritz 1.2336 0.04519 107 84 21 2
2622 No slippery slopes of sin here, just eternal powder! 1.2336 0.04305 137 110 22 5
2623 It's just Jeschuss 1.2336 0.04178 137 109 24 4
2624 There's another one who didn't understand the 'Caution!!! Barranca Ahead' sign. 1.2336 0.04664 137 113 16 8
2625 Everyone carves their own path here. 1.2336 0.03913 137 107 28 2
2626 Until that last gate , his form was heavenly 1.2336 0.04048 137 108 26 3
2627 So they ARE better than us 1.2336 0.03913 137 107 28 2
2628 Looks like someone didn't want to take the stairs 1.2336 0.03913 137 107 28 2
2629 Looks like the Winter Olympics still haven't fixed their slopes. 1.2333 0.04841 120 98 16 6
2630 Hopefully the landing goes better than his last one. 1.2333 0.04543 120 96 20 4
2631 There goes another soul misinterpreting the type of moguls we have in here… 1.2333 0.04694 120 97 18 5
2632 There goes Sonny Bono again. 1.2333 0.04386 120 95 22 3
2633 Don't be that impressed. Remember, we all float on air up here. 1.2333 0.04386 120 95 22 3
2634 You may find that during our rigorous admissions process, not all skills and attributes are weighted equally. 1.2333 0.04054 120 93 26 1
2635 After years skiing in the Northeast,Barry was relieved to be experiencing the High Way to Heaven. 1.2333 0.04168 150 121 23 6
2636 It's a slippery slope, but I guess he made it. 1.2333 0.04694 120 97 18 5
2637 I don't have today's list yet, but God is on his way to the office. 1.2333 0.04386 120 95 22 3
2638 No doubt a misunderstanding of the term “ski pass” 1.2333 0.03877 120 92 28 0
2639 Once you make it through the gates, it's all downhill from here. 1.2331 0.03850 163 130 28 5
2640 He died on a cold day in Hell. 1.2331 0.04386 133 107 21 5
2641 It’s just an angel showing off. 1.2331 0.04386 133 107 21 5
2642 They paid for the Speed Pass. 1.2331 0.04118 133 105 25 3
2643 He pre-booked. 1.2331 0.04118 133 105 25 3
2644 That guy? He has over two-million frequent prayer miles, and with our operation here, they never expire. 1.2331 0.04118 133 105 25 3
2645 That could be a new record! 1.2331 0.04118 133 105 25 3
2646 At least it'll be a soft landing this time. 1.2331 0.04386 133 107 21 5
2647 Huh,Swissair. 1.2331 0.03832 133 103 29 1
2648 He paid extra. 1.2331 0.04254 133 106 23 4
2649 Trump always finds a way to cheat! 1.2330 0.05014 103 83 16 4
2650 He never nails the landing, but we’ve awarded him style points for trying. 1.2330 0.04618 103 81 20 2
2651 The best part is, there's no agony of defeat! 1.2329 0.04128 146 117 24 5
2652 It's Nordic Nights Week. 1.2329 0.03893 146 115 28 3
2653 They don't call him Eddie "The Eagle" Edwards for nothing. 1.2328 0.04640 116 93 19 4
2654 Oh, they stopped wearing wings ever since they started watching Wide World of Sports back in the sixties. 1.2328 0.05101 116 96 13 7
2655 No jumping the line! 1.2328 0.04640 116 93 19 4
2656 God’s been practicing freestyle. 1.2328 0.04304 116 91 23 2
2657 Oh! That's our new "fast-pass" entry system . . . 1.2328 0.04798 116 94 17 5
2658 Two years ago, we moved the Processing Department closer to the ski jump hill and are already seeing a substantial boost in our efficiency rating. 1.2328 0.04640 116 93 19 4
2659 I always expected Mother Teresa would become a surfer up here. 1.2328 0.05101 116 96 13 7
2660 Remember Sonny Bono? 1.2328 0.04475 116 92 21 3
2661 Well, close enough; table for four right this way. 1.2328 0.04952 116 95 15 6
2662 Mount Olympus hasn’t hosted the Winter Olympics since before my son was born! 1.2327 0.04389 159 132 17 10
2663 Yes you can enter that way but the landing is ungodly! 1.2326 0.04335 129 103 22 4
2664 Build a wall, they said. Nothing will keep out the truly determined. 1.2326 0.04335 129 103 22 4
2665 Let's see how he likes skiing in hell. 1.2326 0.04472 129 104 20 5
2666 Yes, He does seem to be frequently oft pissed, but this is the first time I’ve seen Him off piste. 1.2326 0.04606 129 105 18 6
2667 Trust me. It’s very treacherous to veer off the designated Righteous Diamond Path. 1.2326 0.04606 129 105 18 6
2668 They never stick the landing. 1.2326 0.04193 129 102 24 3
2669 Finns have a special arrangement. 1.2326 0.04335 129 103 22 4
2670 We look for creative ways to send souls 'downstairs'. 1.2326 0.04472 129 104 20 5
2671 What can I say? At this point the Big Guy seems to be in it just for the entertainment value. 1.2326 0.04045 129 101 26 2
2672 Great. Must be another cold day in hell. 1.2326 0.04045 129 101 26 2
2673 Oops. Looks like he overshot the landing. 1.2326 0.04045 129 101 26 2
2674 You think this is bad, he cut the lift line! 1.2326 0.04335 129 103 22 4
2675 Man, I wish I took the chairlift instead of the elevator. 1.2326 0.04335 129 103 22 4
2676 Sorry, AI is still a problem! 1.2324 0.04318 142 115 21 6
2677 We never should have swapped the stairs for a ski lift. 1.2324 0.03956 142 112 27 3
2678 Looks good now but once again his landing is going straight to hell. 1.2324 0.04080 142 113 25 4
2679 He's been certified by TSA. 1.2323 0.04725 99 78 19 2
2680 Yes, he found his way here when he crashed into Gwyneth Paltrow. 1.2323 0.04938 99 79 17 3
2681 He ordered the Fast Pass. 1.2323 0.04725 99 78 19 2
2682 We didn’t know there was a shortcut. 1.2321 0.04203 112 87 24 1
2683 If you'd gone to the other place, you'd be playing mini golf. 1.2321 0.04570 112 89 20 3
2684 Oh, don't pay any mind to that. Skiers like to live life on the edge. 1.2321 0.04743 112 90 18 4
2685 He was a middle school teacher. 1.2321 0.04743 112 90 18 4
2686 We send line crashers downhill. 1.2321 0.04390 112 88 22 2
2687 He did say the mountains were calling and he had to go… 1.2321 0.04570 112 89 20 3
2688 Not every guest deserves an explanation. 1.2320 0.04419 125 100 21 4
2689 He will be joining the line soon. 1.2320 0.04271 125 99 23 3
2690 Our fourth will be here in a minute… 1.2320 0.04419 125 100 21 4
2691 He'heading to a warmer place! 1.2320 0.04563 125 101 19 5
2692 Spiritual Bipass 1.2320 0.04563 125 101 19 5
2693 Not many people know that Rosalynn was an avid skier. 1.2320 0.04419 125 100 21 4
2694 We have to get Hell’s heater fixed again. 1.2320 0.04419 125 100 21 4
2695 There's no snow in heaven - he'll see. 1.2319 0.03750 138 107 30 1
2696 The other park is for snowboarders." 1.2319 0.04151 138 110 24 4
2697 Goddammit! 1.2319 0.04277 138 111 22 5
2698 He called ahead but he will have to wait until I finish with you. 1.2319 0.04277 138 111 22 5
2699 I keep telling him we’re not Olympian gods. 1.2319 0.04399 138 112 20 6
2700 That's one way to skip the line. 1.2318 0.04351 151 124 19 8
2701 Our prayers are so powerful, even the skiers are catching some heavenly airtime!" 1.2316 0.04601 95 74 20 1
2702 The Mormons had a ramp installed last year. 1.2315 0.04853 108 87 17 4
2703 Queue jumper 1.2315 0.04853 108 87 17 4
2704 Don't worry about him, he qualified for the Fast Pass. 1.2315 0.05028 108 88 15 5
2705 Some think they can take the short cut. 1.2314 0.04509 121 97 20 4
2706 Ski racers miss gates all the time. 1.2314 0.04354 121 96 22 3
2707 Yes, this is hell. Last time we could ski like this was in 2020. 1.2314 0.04805 121 99 16 6
2708 He'll be on the other side before you guys. 1.2314 0.04659 121 98 18 5
2709 Most people react like you the first time they see a real snow angel. 1.2314 0.04659 121 98 18 5
2710 What’s the worst that could happen now? 1.2314 0.04354 121 96 22 3
2711 When you said "Shalom," he thought you said "slalom!" 1.2314 0.04192 121 95 24 2
2712 Instead of buying the Stairway, she took the Airway to Heaven. 1.2314 0.04659 121 98 18 5
2713 He purchased a Fast Pass. 1.2314 0.04192 121 95 24 2
2714 As we forgive those who trespass against us. 1.2314 0.04659 121 98 18 5
2715 He'll be here before you know it. 1.2313 0.04226 134 107 23 4
2716 That’s the fifth one this week. They really don’t enjoy the walk back home. 1.2313 0.04357 134 108 21 5
2717 Guess who got the bid for the next Winter Olympics. 1.2313 0.04226 134 107 23 4
2718 Dont be impressed theres a wall 1.2313 0.04226 134 107 23 4
2719 Skiers have gotten a free pass ever since God mistook Super-G for a personal tribute. 1.2313 0.04727 134 111 15 8
2720 I’m afraid we only offer “Ski In” here. 1.2313 0.04484 134 109 19 6
2721 That was a heavenly jump! 1.2313 0.04091 134 106 25 3
2722 Don't worry. One of our cloud to air missiles will take him out. 1.2313 0.04226 134 107 23 4
2723 That's Angel Fire back from patrol. 1.2313 0.04357 134 108 21 5
2724 Back in my day we had to take the stairway. 1.2313 0.04727 134 111 15 8
2725 Kissinger tried that too. 1.2313 0.04215 147 119 22 6
2726 We had to put in the ski hill to keep up with renovations at the OTHER place. 1.2313 0.04215 147 119 22 6
2727 We also have Fast Pass. 1.2313 0.03870 147 116 28 3
2728 Heaven’s Gate Trail is double black diamond 1.2313 0.04324 147 120 20 7
2729 Oh, he’s admitted with a sports scholarship. 1.2308 0.04152 156 127 22 7
2730 All leisure activities are included with admittance. No waiver needed. 1.2308 0.03804 143 112 29 2
2731 Frequent Flyer Miles. 1.2308 0.04272 117 92 23 2
2732 I think he is over his skis 1.2308 0.04096 117 91 25 1
2733 He bought deluxe package 1.2308 0.05155 104 85 14 5
2734 Yeah. He’s about to experience the agony of defeat…. 1.2308 0.05431 91 74 13 4
2735 We have a ski-in but no ski-out 1.2308 0.04164 130 103 24 3
2736 This place is going downhill.. 1.2308 0.04305 130 104 22 4
2737 They used to have wings 1.2308 0.04055 143 114 25 4
2738 Rest assured, his name is not written in the Book of Life. 1.2308 0.04174 143 115 23 5
2739 I am being told we only have two spots at the moment... 1.2308 0.04441 117 93 21 3
2740 He has the TSA PreCheck. 1.2308 0.04174 143 115 23 5
2741 Some gate-crashers will try anything. 1.2308 0.04961 91 72 17 2
2742 Hey, what's the worst that can happen? 1.2308 0.04305 130 104 22 4
2743 aah..we'll make that-party of four. 1.2308 0.04573 130 106 18 6
2744 I added a little action to my Zoom background. 1.2308 0.04573 130 106 18 6
2745 Eternal rewards, guys. Powder’s lightest when it’s still in the cloud. 1.2308 0.04096 117 91 25 1
2746 How glorious,he finally made it to the other side of the mountain. 1.2308 0.04441 117 93 21 3
2747 Franz Klammer died today. We expected him in '76. 1.2308 0.04441 117 93 21 3
2748 Oh crap, another Gwyneth casualty" 1.2308 0.04441 130 105 20 5
2749 Jesus got into skiing in his retirement. 1.2308 0.04441 117 93 21 3
2750 He is very much off piste. 1.2308 0.04164 130 103 24 3
2751 Yes, actually it is that guy from "The Wide World of Sports" 1.2308 0.04914 117 96 15 6
2752 He was next in line but it’s a powder day 1.2308 0.04779 104 83 18 3
2753 Another bucket list. 1.2308 0.04604 117 94 19 4
2754 It's hell if he doesn't stick the landing. 1.2308 0.04961 91 72 17 2
2755 Guess they were wrong, you CAN get to heaven...! 1.2308 0.05651 91 75 11 5
2756 Since climate change this is the only place she could ski! 1.2308 0.04970 104 84 16 4
2757 Alpine skiing won't get you in either. 1.2308 0.04305 130 104 22 4
2758 It’s actually a Quintuple Black Diamond Route 🏁 1.2308 0.04604 117 94 19 4
2759 Not everyone wants wings to fly up here. 1.2308 0.04441 117 93 21 3
2760 When he gets his wings it won’t be as enjoyable. 1.2303 0.04325 152 125 19 8
2761 That’s just one of the angels fooling around. 1.2302 0.04488 139 114 18 7
2762 He is not going to stick the landing 1.2302 0.03864 139 109 28 2
2763 Another down-hell racer! 1.2302 0.03726 139 108 30 1
2764 And one more thing, there are no hot dogs in heaven. Except for this guy. 1.2302 0.04388 126 101 21 4
2765 Hmmm...he's gotten ahead of himself, but he'll be here soon. 1.2302 0.04530 126 102 19 5
2766 He missed the Tree of Life by inches . . . 1.2302 0.04241