Contest #878


Cartoon

878


Name Value
Submission deadline -
Voting started -
Voting ended -
Finalists announced -
Magazine(s) announcing finalists issued -
Number of captions 4535
Number of responses 777292
Number of participants -


Dashboard

In this table, the "mean" means the empirically measured average funniness score when the "unfunny", "somewhat funny" and "funny" receive a funniness score of 1, 2, 3 respectively. "Precison" is the standard error of the mean, the standard deviation of the mean estimate. With that, a caption with an empirical mean μ and precision σ has true mean in the range [μ - 2σ, μ + 2σ] with 95% probability by the 68-95-99.7 rule assuming the responses are indepedent and identically distributed.

Rank Caption Mean Precision Total votes "Unfunny" votes "Somewhat funny" votes "Funny" votes
0 Take those off! They’ll give you mistle toe. 1.8199 0.01455 3082 1333 971 778
1 Don't look at me that way. We're Jewish, and I'm cold. 1.7789 0.01484 2858 1285 920 653
2 I left one for you. Use your imagination. 1.7383 0.01379 3195 1497 1037 661
3 I am the present, Stephen. I am the present. 1.7373 0.01555 2349 1056 854 439
4 You said that all you wanted for Christmas was me in stockings. 1.7225 0.02131 1308 620 431 257
5 When you said you’d be in stockings when I got home, I had something else in mind. 1.7215 0.01228 4072 1975 1256 841
6 Your family doesn’t do this? 1.7035 0.01720 1838 853 677 308
7 Don’t look at me like that, you know you’ve thought about it too. 1.7028 0.01532 2285 1053 858 374
8 Well, it's either this, or you let ME control the thermostat for a change 1.6956 0.01359 3006 1431 1059 516
9 25 years later and they still fit 1.6945 0.02160 1234 601 409 224
10 He said to meet him on the roof wearing these. 1.6924 0.01268 3534 1714 1193 627
11 I figured I should put something in them, because you never do. 1.6919 0.01584 2272 1105 762 405
12 The stockings were hung by the chimney with care But the house is so cold I took these down to wear. 1.6906 0.02131 1309 654 406 249
13 Wait'll you see what I do with the wreath! 1.6899 0.01399 2796 1333 997 466
14 You’re home early. 1.6791 0.01280 3680 1889 1083 708
15 Screw the kids. I’m freezing. 1.6763 0.01416 2898 1462 912 524
16 Do these make my calves look fat? 1.6749 0.01404 2913 1464 932 517
17 Now, where is that tree skirt? 1.6746 0.01171 4207 2120 1336 751
18 Pro Tip...take the Lego pieces out before you try this. 1.6676 0.01292 3219 1578 1133 508
19 They go with the Christmas tree skirt..... 1.6563 0.01370 2953 1500 968 485
20 Remember last year? When you got wasted and wore all three? 1.6538 0.01378 3111 1644 900 567
21 Wait until you see what I do with the third one. 1.6508 0.01381 2935 1513 934 488
22 Would you hand me that necklace? 1.6490 0.01359 3199 1703 916 580
23 Jerrold... You're home early... 1.6469 0.01546 2311 1190 747 374
24 Get the cap and the little reindeer whip, and I'll give you your present right now. 1.6392 0.01412 2910 1558 844 508
25 'Twas the night before laundry day. 1.6384 0.01191 3758 1926 1265 567
26 I didn’t have an ugly sweater. 1.6315 0.02258 1034 533 349 152
27 I knew it!—yours is bigger. 1.6134 0.02417 913 488 290 135
28 No idea. Did you check the dryer? 1.6124 0.01357 2882 1539 921 422
29 Are you sure this is how the goyim celebrate Christmas? 1.6092 0.01769 1776 976 518 282
30 So these aren’t the kind of kinky stockings you had in mind? 1.6088 0.01505 2375 1285 734 356
31 I thought I was all you wanted. 1.6056 0.01366 2774 1480 908 386
32 I asked you to turn up the heat and you said no. Then I asked you to start a fire in the fireplace and you said no again. I'm done asking. 1.5997 0.01357 2868 1561 894 413
33 Day 14 of the laundry boycott. Things are getting desperate. 1.5979 0.01262 3163 1688 1059 416
34 I can put on the Santa suit but it’ll cost extra. 1.5961 0.01331 2954 1610 927 417
35 Fine, then you do laundry. 1.5949 0.01539 2160 1167 701 292
36 Well, you always said you wanted to see me in stockings! 1.5948 0.01353 2742 1468 917 357
37 Did you check the dryer? 1.5813 0.01359 2792 1549 863 380
38 ... they had my name on them 1.5809 0.01480 2317 1277 734 306
39 If you stretch them out they fit more presents 1.5789 0.02906 577 313 194 70
40 You said you’d like me to wear stockings. 1.5715 0.01329 2782 1535 904 343
41 To hell with Santa, I’m cold 1.5701 0.01333 2912 1648 868 396
42 You should have sprung for my Uggs 1.5678 0.01299 2874 1586 944 344
43 Now, you get to guess where that last sock goes. 1.5667 0.01327 2855 1604 884 367
44 Santa may think it’s naughty, but it sure feels nice. 1.5597 0.01365 2512 1384 850 278
45 I thought it’s about time we started some of our own holiday traditions. 1.5571 0.01374 2468 1363 835 270
46 Just stepping into the holidays.” 1.5547 0.01308 3458 2135 728 595
47 I can't justify keeping something we only use once a year. 1.5447 0.01463 2080 1152 723 205
48 Really, John? How about instead of looking for another stocking, you just do a load of laundry! 1.5375 0.01631 1866 1094 541 231
49 They’ll always come back in season. 1.5322 0.01658 1661 949 540 172
50 This is what they originally meant by “stocking stuffers” 1.5319 0.01659 1662 951 538 173
51 Why? What did your family do with them? 1.5302 0.03493 430 261 110 59
52 I didn't mean those stockings, Clara! 1.5255 0.01754 1473 849 474 150
53 Because they spark joy. 1.5232 0.01796 1485 878 437 170
54 It is so weird...same story with the washing machine. I hung four and this morning there were only three. 1.5228 0.02709 681 410 186 85
55 It’s a family tradition: you have your stupid matching pajamas, we do this 1.5221 0.02282 971 588 259 124
56 The invitation specifically said, 'holiday attire.' 1.5168 0.01585 1842 1086 560 196
57 It’s called upcycling, Gene. 1.5160 0.01856 1347 796 407 144
58 Santa won't be here for a week. My feet are cold now. 1.5158 0.01745 1578 946 450 182
59 These will go perfectly with my tree skirt. 1.5132 0.01738 1738 1085 414 239
60 It’s like Christmas morning but kinkier. 1.5124 0.01917 1245 736 380 129
61 It just seems a shame not to wear them 1.5073 0.01949 1159 681 368 110
62 I think I just found the afikomen. 1.5040 0.02042 1619 1147 128 344
63 I think I found the hamster Santa got you last year 1.5038 0.01875 1568 1014 318 236
64 Reduce, reuse, recycle. 1.5000 0.02492 748 454 214 80
65 I thought these would go well with the tree skirt. 1.4970 0.01943 1342 847 323 172
66 They help my mistletoe. 1.4887 0.01980 1324 855 291 178
67 They're the only things that still fit after Thanksgiving. 1.4879 0.01996 1242 788 302 152
68 This may not be the best time to tell you,but I'm leaving with the guy on the roof." 1.4824 0.02130 1134 737 247 150
69 Uh oh. I think I found the hamster. 1.4812 0.02182 1089 711 232 146
70 Birkenstockings 1.4773 0.02251 991 643 223 125
71 Remember when I almost left you and then got cold feet? 1.4768 0.02163 1101 722 233 146
72 I told you, Bob. For Christmas, I wear a 13WW. 1.4734 0.02423 1071 767 101 203
73 I'm aware that they don't match, Bob. 1.4721 0.02176 1023 660 243 120
74 Look Brad, you have your family traditions. I have mine. 1.4696 0.02248 937 602 230 105
75 You know you can’t get away with the „I’m the gift“ - thing every year… 1.4682 0.02176 991 636 246 109
76 Let me slip into something more seasonal. 1.4652 0.02285 905 585 219 101
77 Maybe Santa will bring you someone who can tolerate a thermostat set below 68. 1.4625 0.02299 906 591 211 104
78 cold feet know no season 1.4624 0.02254 811 502 243 66
79 I mean, have YOU not always wanted to try them on?! 1.4623 0.02213 915 583 241 91
80 Fine, you’re right - it’s time to do the laundry. 1.4621 0.02237 937 607 227 103
81 I'm leaving and I'm taking the holiday spirit with me. 1.4621 0.02361 857 559 200 98
82 I’m dreaming of a warm Christmas. 1.4614 0.02465 893 612 150 131
83 Why not? He’s obviously a no show. 1.4581 0.02426 823 543 183 97
84 I am the best stocking stuffer you'll ever get! 1.4563 0.02335 846 550 206 90
85 Your family has weird traditions. 1.4562 0.02211 890 567 240 83
86 You said all you want for Christmas is me. 1.4554 0.02365 874 581 188 105
87 Come on…You’ve never thought about it? 1.4547 0.02349 827 537 204 86
88 And the stockings were hung by the chimney with Claire. 1.4524 0.02534 714 466 173 75
89 Are my seams straight? 1.4508 0.02617 590 370 174 46
90 If we take turns, we can make it to New Year's without doing laundry. 1.4495 0.02305 763 480 223 60
91 Stan’s desire to see Carol in ‘stockings’ didn’t go as he had fantasized. 1.4438 0.02736 667 455 128 84
92 I was going for "sexy elf." 1.4427 0.02797 515 327 148 40
93 I see you found the egg nog 1.4397 0.02775 630 428 127 75
94 What did you put in that eggnog? 1.4395 0.02631 612 397 161 54
95 Then why would we call them that? 1.4394 0.02524 701 463 168 70
96 I’m sure these are mine - did you look in the dryer? 1.4393 0.02493 758 510 163 85
97 Maybe Santa will bring you the other one? 1.4387 0.02393 718 462 197 59
98 Sorry it was buy 2 get 1 free! 1.4375 0.02595 656 433 159 64
99 I’m sorry but there is only one left. You’ll have to hop. 1.4350 0.02586 662 439 158 65
100 You’ve gotta stuff your own stockings in this world, son. 1.4337 0.02802 498 318 144 36
101 Slippers should have been on both our lists. 1.4332 0.02477 644 413 183 48
102 Well, the weather outside is frightful. 1.4325 0.02418 696 451 189 56
103 ‘I saw the ring box in the other stocking and I got cold feet’ 1.4253 0.02842 569 388 120 61
104 Well you won't let me touch the thermostat, so... 1.4238 0.02617 604 399 154 51
105 Fine. Don't turn up the heat. 1.4237 0.02673 583 386 147 50
106 Hey, light that fire, and off they'll come! 1.4229 0.02625 584 383 155 46
107 You try being barefoot and pregnant for three years. 1.4229 0.02938 532 364 111 57
108 Yes, I am using these to keep my feet warm. Do you still not know what to get me for Christmas? 1.4228 0.02634 615 411 148 56
109 I’m just going to take out the trash. 1.4216 0.02867 491 323 129 39
110 I found the missing LEGO. 1.4197 0.02676 598 402 141 55
111 This is how I show you I don't want socks again for Xmas. 1.4156 0.02644 551 361 151 39
112 Will you grab me the tree skirt? 1.4114 0.03072 508 359 89 60
113 Go get your Santa hat and let's see what happens. 1.4111 0.02881 523 358 115 50
114 How long do you think until mom notices? 1.4105 0.02770 514 342 133 39
115 Oh, you’re home already. 1.4096 0.02819 542 371 120 51
116 It was easy. I just moved the lumps of coal to your stocking. 1.4085 0.02691 585 399 133 53
117 They’re so warm and cozy. Too bad we only had three kids. 1.4083 0.02930 529 369 104 56
118 But I thought all you wanted for Christmas was me? 1.4075 0.02706 508 334 141 33
119 I’m stocking up 1.4072 0.02958 528 371 99 58
120 Mind grabbing me the tree skirt? 1.4069 0.03081 494 349 89 56
121 It’s an ugly sox party, Harold! 1.4067 0.02707 563 382 133 48
122 They go back to being for decoration when you let me touch the thermostat 1.4043 0.03090 465 324 94 47
123 Heat the person, not the room. That’s what they say nowadays. 1.4036 0.03776 280 189 69 22
124 If Santa had gotten me the Uggs, we wouldn’t be having this conversation. 1.4034 0.03013 523 373 89 61
125 You wanted spontaneity. I'm giving you spontaneity. 1.4030 0.02782 531 362 124 45
126 The dryer ate all of the socks 1.4021 0.02960 480 330 107 43
127 You said you wanted to see me in tight stockings. Here you go, jolly boy. 1.4004 0.02942 477 327 109 41
128 He can't come down a cartoon fireplace and my feet are cold! 1.3986 0.03128 444 310 91 43
129 So proud of myself, Arnie—twenty years and they still fit. 1.3981 0.03183 427 298 88 41
130 Cheaper than Uggs 1.3975 0.02957 473 326 106 41
131 Look what’s in your stocking this year! 1.3968 0.02950 504 354 100 50
132 Look, you're the one who said I'd look sexy in stockings. 1.3968 0.03012 499 354 92 53
133 I'm all the Christmas present you're gonna need 1.3962 0.02946 472 325 107 40
134 But, baby, it's cold inside. 1.3958 0.02932 475 327 108 40
135 Are you going to stand there, or are you going to hand me the wreath? 1.3957 0.03047 460 321 96 43
136 Don't blame me, you're the one who refuses to raise the heat. 1.3956 0.02807 498 339 121 38
137 Too ethnic? 1.3919 0.03317 370 256 83 31
138 You can't unwrap me until Christmas day. 1.3909 0.02992 417 282 107 28
139 That one's for the dog. You're on your own. 1.3906 0.02809 466 314 122 30
140 I'm just getting the mail, Todd. 1.3900 0.03020 441 305 100 36
141 Let’s see one of these try to get lost in the dryer. 1.3894 0.03286 398 281 79 38
142 You never fill them, so I thought I would 1.3880 0.02866 482 333 111 38
143 Don’t judge me, it’s laundry day. 1.3878 0.02934 490 345 100 45
144 Don’t tell me you’ve never thought about it! 1.3872 0.03212 390 271 87 32
145 If I wear these we don't need to worry about filling them with useless items. 1.3869 0.03096 411 284 95 32
146 What makes you think that holiday stress is getting to me? 1.3867 0.03168 450 324 78 48
147 Well, you said to fill 'em with things you like. 1.3864 0.03157 396 274 91 31
148 I've already got my two front teeth; all I want this Christmas is two warm feet. 1.3854 0.03100 410 284 94 32
149 Christmas stockings are the new Uggs. 1.3852 0.03107 405 280 94 31
150 Does this make me look naughty, or nice? 1.3852 0.02846 431 289 118 24
151 You said ? all you want for Christmas is me ? 1.3837 0.03130 404 281 91 32
152 You turn up the heat, I'll re-hang the stockings. 1.3836 0.03033 451 318 93 40
153 I don't care if it burns his jolly ass. Light the fire. I'm freezing. 1.3828 0.03394 418 309 58 51
154 It's just until laundry day. 1.3822 0.03140 416 293 87 36
155 Not what I meant by 'All I want for Christmas is you.' 1.3816 0.03187 414 294 82 38
156 Well you did say fill them with presence! 1.3814 0.03140 409 287 88 34
157 It doesn't mean you're about to get lucky. It means my feet are cold. 1.3801 0.03192 413 294 81 38
158 Your mother is never going to accuse me again of not having the Christmas Spirit. 1.3780 0.03257 381 269 80 32
159 For the person who has nothing. 1.3779 0.03253 344 236 86 22
160 Your search history said you liked a woman in stockings. 1.3778 0.03272 405 292 73 40
161 I think I found your missing Christmas chocolates. 1.3776 0.03312 339 234 82 23
162 This is what happens when you let the laundry pile up. 1.3760 0.03275 367 258 80 29
163 Am I not the best stocking present you ever got? 1.3760 0.03285 383 273 76 34
164 Of course on Christmas morning, I won't wear anything but the stockings. 1.3760 0.03347 383 276 70 37
165 If you mean fishnet, say fishnet. 1.3750 0.03717 320 233 54 33
166 I think I just found Hammy. 1.3750 0.03079 440 315 85 40
167 Are you upset we didn’t buy 4 stockings? 1.3739 0.03192 353 243 88 22
168 I’ll be your stocking stuffer! 1.3706 0.03089 402 283 89 30
169 I don’t know—check the dryer. 1.3697 0.03078 422 301 86 35
170 Did he put candy in my underwear, too? 1.3691 0.03611 298 211 64 23
171 I ate all those milk and cookies, too. 1.3676 0.03294 340 238 79 23
172 What do you mean, I'm unclear on the concept? 1.3676 0.03225 370 262 80 28
173 I’ll put them back after you turn up the thermostat. 1.3668 0.03214 368 260 81 27
174 They should pair nicely with your ugly sweater! 1.3667 0.03171 390 278 81 31
175 Am I not everything you ever wanted? 1.3653 0.03129 386 273 85 28
176 So turn up the thermostat! 1.3644 0.03206 365 258 81 26
177 They fit fine except for the coal at the bottom. 1.3632 0.03120 391 278 84 29
178 Oh, you meant wear the Christmas stockings and nothing else. 1.3627 0.03685 306 223 55 28
179 Honey, when I said 'big presents this year,' I meant jewelry, not jumbo hosiery. 1.3625 0.03399 320 226 72 22
180 But it's okay for you to wear a Christmas bow as a tie? 1.3612 0.03399 335 240 69 26
181 And then I’ll quietly follow you around in these. I call them ‘stalkings.’ 1.3610 0.03473 349 256 60 33
182 This year I’m walking into Christmas like I own it! 1.3603 0.03292 358 257 73 28
183 Guess what turns out to be the perfect stocking stuffers? 1.3603 0.03268 383 279 70 34
184 Or you could raise the thermostat. 1.3593 0.03430 334 241 66 27
185 You try keeping up with The Twelve Days of Laundry. 1.3591 0.03380 362 265 64 33
186 This could have been avoided if Santa brought me the Ugg boots I asked for. 1.3588 0.03413 340 246 66 28
187 Don’t act like you’ve never wanted to wear them. 1.3580 0.03154 352 247 84 21
188 You're right, Hanukkah is easier to explain 1.3559 0.03620 295 213 59 23
189 The first one felt naughty, but this one feels nice. 1.3558 0.03291 326 230 76 20
190 The cat's on the warpath again. You're on your own! 1.3558 0.03403 326 234 68 24
191 What! I left you the best one! 1.3556 0.03276 315 220 78 17
192 I know it’s June, but these are the best slippers. 1.3552 0.03326 366 268 66 32
193 What? I didn’t do laundry, alright.” 1.3550 0.03127 338 235 86 17
194 It's either this, or you turn up the damned thermostat. 1.3547 0.03755 265 190 56 19
195 Okay, I give in. We'll put in underfloor heating. 1.3544 0.03534 316 230 60 26
196 Reduce, Reuse and Recycle Todd; but in a festive way. 1.3543 0.03083 350 244 88 18
197 Baby, it's cold i͟n͟s͟i͟d͟e͟. 1.3540 0.03286 322 227 76 19
198 It was either this or let your mother sneak some coal into my stocking. 1.3537 0.03544 311 226 60 25
199 NOW can we turn the heat up? 1.3535 0.03491 314 227 63 24
200 C'mon. Give it a try. They're so roomy you won't even feel the coal. 1.3525 0.03346 366 270 63 33
201 We just have got to get more use out of these things 1.3522 0.03281 335 239 74 22
202 Could I try the eight and a half? 1.3510 0.03428 302 215 68 19
203 I gave away all my socks. Blame Marie Kondo 1.3506 0.03409 328 238 65 25
204 If you want a pair of Uggs, just say so! 1.3499 0.03329 343 249 68 26
205 It looked sexier in my head. 1.3497 0.03853 286 214 44 28
206 I plan to wear these until you turn up the thermostat. 1.3495 0.03341 309 219 72 18
207 There's a lump of something in the left one. 1.3481 0.03320 316 225 72 19
208 How much rum did you put in that eggnog? 1.3475 0.03759 282 208 50 24
209 These will go perfectly with my new tree skirt. 1.3469 0.03349 294 207 72 15
210 They’re the new ugly sweaters. 1.3465 0.03605 254 179 62 13
211 Or, you can start the fire. 1.3458 0.03398 321 233 65 23
212 I wanted to do this since I was 5. 1.3455 0.03789 275 203 49 23
213 Do these make my butt look big? 1.3447 0.03937 264 197 43 24
214 Get creative George, there is only one stocking left. 1.3435 0.03829 294 223 41 30
215 They’re by Kenneth Coal. 1.3430 0.03800 277 206 47 24
216 Ugly sweaters are out. 1.3426 0.03450 289 207 65 17
217 They ARE called stockings! 1.3420 0.03234 348 253 71 24
218 These look warmer than the tube socks they'll be full of in the morning. 1.3415 0.03306 325 235 69 21
219 They match the sweater you got me last year. 1.3415 0.03257 328 236 72 20
220 You try on the wreath. 1.3404 0.03611 282 206 56 20
221 I know we're Jewish but she was such a great salesperson. 1.3403 0.04113 238 178 39 21
222 Meet me in the bedroom. 1.3401 0.03643 297 221 51 25
223 These will look great with my new Christmas tree skirt!!! 1.3393 0.03490 333 250 53 30
224 You're just mad I thought of it first. 1.3390 0.03595 295 218 54 23
225 Do these make my legs look fat? 1.3388 0.03489 304 223 59 22
226 This evening your mom isn’t going to guilt me about never wearing her gifts. 1.3385 0.03972 260 196 40 24
227 My turn to shovel the driveway. 1.3380 0.03597 287 211 55 21
228 No, I’m pretty sure the lyrics are ‘hung by the stocking with Claire.’ 1.3379 0.03643 293 218 51 24
229 Why should I only use them once a year? 1.3366 0.03258 309 221 72 16
230 This is getting ridiculous. Let's just do the laundry. 1.3360 0.04043 250 189 38 23
231 Have you SEEN the electric bill?! 1.3355 0.03375 310 226 64 20
232 Consider your stockings stuffed 1.3348 0.04060 227 168 42 17
233 My Uggs don't fit any more. 1.3347 0.03747 242 175 53 14
234 We may have reached an inflection point in our quest to postpone doing laundry. 1.3346 0.03932 263 199 40 24
235 Tell me you've never thought about it. 1.3346 0.03597 266 193 57 16
236 You get the hooks. 1.3345 0.03523 287 210 58 19
237 I like to stretch them out so Santa can put more in them. 1.3345 0.03540 293 216 56 21
238 What? I'm cold and we don't need them for another three weeks 1.3333 0.03544 276 201 58 17
239 Gordon, he’s really not coming. 1.3333 0.03725 276 206 48 22
240 All I want for Christmas is for the thermostat to be higher than 62 degrees. 1.3333 0.03618 276 203 54 19
241 Are you sure a psychotic episode is the only way we can leave the office party early? 1.3333 0.03711 258 189 52 17
242 ChatGPT states that stockings are donned by the chimney with care. 1.3323 0.03531 316 238 51 27
243 I don't have an ugly Christmas sweater for the party. 1.3322 0.03680 295 223 46 26
244 They’re called stockings, not hangings. 1.3311 0.03342 296 214 66 16
245 These will look great with my tree skirt. 1.3308 0.03630 266 195 54 17
246 Did you look in the dryer? 1.3308 0.03852 263 198 43 22
247 Just get three you said. 1.3299 0.03516 291 215 56 20
248 Remember that hard-boiled Easter egg we couldn't find? 1.3297 0.03748 273 205 46 22
249 Later on we’ll conspire. 1.3297 0.03748 273 205 46 22
250 What!? It’s a fake fireplace and I’m cold! 1.3295 0.03745 258 191 49 18
251 You used to like it when I dressed up as your present. 1.3294 0.03856 255 191 44 20
252 Santa can fit more presents inside if you stretch ‘em out first. 1.3288 0.04102 219 163 40 16
253 Ugly Sweaters are so passé 1.3284 0.03759 268 201 46 21
254 If the Christmas stocking fits, why not wear it? 1.3282 0.03500 262 189 60 13
255 You have your traditions, I have mine. 1.3281 0.03668 253 185 53 15
256 These boots were made for stocking… 1.3278 0.03642 302 230 45 27
257 Can you hand me the collar? 1.3277 0.04040 235 177 39 19
258 He already knows I've been naughty, so to hell with it. 1.3264 0.03703 288 219 44 25
259 Oh Yeah! So, what was your family’s Christmas Stocking tradition? 1.3255 0.04137 212 158 39 15
260 I’m just stocking up. 1.3252 0.03864 246 184 44 18
261 You want stocking stuffers? I’ll show you stocking stuffers. 1.3245 0.03857 265 202 40 23
262 Now don the wreath, Paul. And surprise me 1.3243 0.03883 259 197 40 22
263 Wait ‘til you see the skirt. 1.3242 0.03796 256 192 45 19
264 This again? 1.3238 0.03840 244 182 45 17
265 The dog ate my Uggs. 1.3232 0.04335 198 149 34 15
266 that wasn’t quite what I had in mind when you said you were going to slip into something more comfortable Suzan… 1.3232 0.04452 198 151 30 17
267 Well, Dear, all I want for Christmas is for the thermostat to stay where I set it. 1.3228 0.03733 254 189 48 17
268 I took them from the chimney with care, in the hope that St. Nicholas brings you another pair. 1.3224 0.03738 245 181 49 15
269 Okay dimwit, let me do the work for you: I’m the gift. Get it? I.AM.THE.GIFT! 1.3221 0.03758 267 202 44 21
270 Cindy, we're Jewish. 1.3214 0.04218 224 172 32 20
271 You should see where I put the Nutcracker. 1.3213 0.04070 249 193 32 24
272 Wait until you see the skirt that goes with them! 1.3208 0.03834 240 179 45 16
273 They're really comfortable except for the coal in the toe 1.3205 0.03554 259 190 55 14
274 Just say you're half Jewish. 1.3199 0.03517 272 201 55 16
275 These'll work with the tree skirt and festive oven mitts. 1.3198 0.03785 222 162 49 11
276 Well, next time you'll have to be more specific in describing your fetish. 1.3197 0.03962 244 186 38 20
277 Voilà! Stockings filled. 1.3190 0.04096 210 157 39 14
278 Since you insist on 68 degrees… 1.3187 0.03798 251 189 44 18
279 I like role playing, but I was thinking fishnet stockings. 1.3185 0.03610 248 182 53 13
280 I've always wanted to do this. 1.3182 0.03397 286 211 59 16
281 Guess what's in your stocking this year! 1.3182 0.03324 286 209 63 14
282 Check the dryer. 1.3180 0.03746 239 177 48 14
283 What do you mean I take things too literally? 1.3178 0.03428 258 187 60 11
284 Well, yes, I am feeling mirthful. 1.3176 0.03811 233 173 46 14
285 I am your gift. 1.3172 0.03586 268 200 51 17
286 I told you I’d fill the stockings. 1.3170 0.04064 224 170 37 17
287 Get it? Because I’m a goddamn gift, Charles. 1.3169 0.03882 243 184 41 18
288 You believe in Santa; I believe in warm feet. 1.3164 0.03522 275 205 53 17
289 I love them, I just wish they weren't full of other little gifts. 1.3160 0.03652 269 203 47 19
290 Let me touch the thermostat and they go back up 1.3158 0.04153 228 176 32 20
291 Please unlock the thermostat. 1.3158 0.03642 266 200 48 18
292 I have to take these back to the office 1.3156 0.03549 263 195 53 15
293 These stockings aren't going to fill themselves, Bob! 1.3152 0.03729 257 194 45 18
294 Just once I'd like to do the wash without losing a matching sock 1.3149 0.03971 235 179 38 18
295 I am your Christmas gift 🤗😜 1.3144 0.03799 229 170 46 13
296 I never thought I'd say this, but I prefer the Crocs. 1.3140 0.03887 242 184 40 18
297 I’m then going to put on the Christmas tree skirt. 1.3137 0.03629 271 205 47 19
298 I did say no more Christmas sweaters. 1.3136 0.03864 236 178 42 16
299 Can’t we just start a fire already?! 1.3135 0.03692 252 189 47 16
300 As if you never get behind on laundry. 1.3134 0.03547 284 215 49 20
301 Be right back - we're out of eggnog. 1.3134 0.03718 284 220 39 25
302 They hold more if you break them in 1.3133 0.03893 249 191 38 20
303 They go great with my ugly Christmas sweater. 1.3131 0.04084 214 162 37 15
304 But they fit. 1.3128 0.03662 227 166 51 10
305 Do I look fat? 1.3128 0.04113 227 175 33 19
306 Are you trying to seduce me? 1.3120 0.03673 266 202 45 19
307 Do you think anyone will notice they don't match? 1.3116 0.03390 276 204 58 14
308 Fine I'll get you the Uggs. 1.3113 0.03680 257 194 46 17
309 Face it Ned, we're naughty. 1.3112 0.04028 196 145 41 10
310 Be careful wearing those, they can sometimes lead to a bad case of mistletoe! 1.3111 0.03708 270 207 42 21
311 Well wearing one would just look ridiculous 1.3108 0.04176 222 172 31 19
312 Oh, uh… you’re home early 1.3107 0.03468 280 210 53 17
313 I'm wearing yours because the coal exfoliates my callouses. 1.3102 0.03758 245 185 44 16
314 I’ll guess . . . Legos. 1.3099 0.03604 242 179 51 12
315 Be honest. Do they make my feet look fat? 1.3096 0.04381 197 152 29 16
316 I think I found the lost kitten you gave me last Christmas. 1.3094 0.03960 223 169 39 15
317 I couldn't take wearing an ugly sweater this year. 1.3093 0.03855 236 179 41 16
318 What?? They aren’t coming and I’m cold! 1.3092 0.03310 304 228 58 18
319 Oversized socks with silly seasonal pictures that don't match and that I can only wear for up to 4 weeks a year? How did you know?! 1.3086 0.03639 243 181 49 13
320 Didn’t do laundry this week? 1.3086 0.03426 256 188 57 11
321 Well dear when we’re the only Jews invited to a Christmas party I figure we should try to blend in. 1.3085 0.04139 201 152 36 13
322 It's a Jewish tradition. 1.3083 0.03572 240 177 52 11
323 Waddaya mean you were hoping to find something other than me in your Christmas stockings? 1.3083 0.03808 240 182 42 16
324 I’m hanging out in them, by the chimney with care. 1.3083 0.03715 240 180 46 14
325 Susan accessorized hoping to win the ugly sweater contest. 1.3080 0.03794 237 179 43 15
326 Just until you can manage to get a fire going. 1.3080 0.03658 250 188 47 15
327 Well, somebody's got to go up there and look for him. 1.3077 0.04041 208 157 38 13
328 I heard you say you wanted something "nice and sweet" in your stockings 1.3074 0.03672 257 195 45 17
329 If you turn up the heat, I'll put them back on the mantle. 1.3070 0.04228 228 180 26 22
330 Yeah, like you never wanted to do this. 1.3070 0.03893 215 161 42 12
331 That's not what I meant when I said I'd love to see you in stockings. 1.3065 0.03712 261 200 42 19
332 It’s our first Christmas together— time we start our own traditions! 1.3065 0.03675 248 187 46 15
333 It's this, or you let me touch the thermostat. 1.3059 0.03950 219 166 39 14
334 They said all they want for Christmas is me. 1.3052 0.04159 249 200 22 27
335 ♫♫ "Merry Christmas Mister President." ♫♫ 1.3052 0.03914 213 160 41 12
336 Yes, I get it, you're my present. Ha, ha. 1.3050 0.03565 259 195 49 15
337 You can tell your mom we’re using the stockings. 1.3050 0.03522 259 194 51 14
338 No one ever listens when I say I just want socks. 1.3049 0.04001 223 171 36 16
339 Walter,the twins are forty. 1.3049 0.03507 246 182 53 11
340 All I need is the Christmas tree skirt and I’ve got my holiday party outfit 1.3047 0.03832 233 177 41 15
341 No Don, this is not my gay apparel. 1.3041 0.04331 217 172 24 21
342 Of course I remember how excited I was the first time you wore those, but … they were the only clothes you wore. 1.3041 0.03917 217 164 40 13
343 Somehow this made more sense when I was a child” 1.3041 0.04396 171 129 32 10
344 Well Steve, you said all I want for Christmas is you. Ta da! 1.3040 0.03950 227 174 37 16
345 It's either this or we turn up the thermostat. 1.3033 0.03886 244 189 36 19
346 Can you hand me my necklace? 1.3029 0.03786 241 184 41 16
347 It's either this or you turn up the heat 1.3029 0.04087 208 159 35 14
348 If you'd let the thermostat go above 68, I wouldn't have to do this. 1.3026 0.04079 228 178 31 19
349 It was buy two, get one free. 1.3023 0.03882 215 162 41 12
350 Honey, you're sleepstocking again 1.3023 0.04047 215 165 35 15
351 Start the darn fireplace Mr. Scrooge! 1.3022 0.05070 139 107 22 10
352 Sorry, your other sock was lost in the laundry. 1.3021 0.03755 235 178 43 14
353 Be careful, one of mine had Legos in it. 1.3021 0.03755 235 178 43 14
354 It was weird. The store only had lefts. 1.3018 0.03689 222 165 47 10
355 Trust me? I saw it on tik tok 1.3018 0.03798 222 167 43 12
356 Because I'M the present 1.3017 0.03788 232 176 42 14
357 Prepare for a Lappdance. 1.3011 0.04351 186 143 30 13
358 According to your browser history, I'm giving you what you really want. 1.3010 0.04495 196 155 23 18
359 Thanks for the new puppy. Too bad he chewed up all our shoes." 1.3008 0.03930 236 183 35 18
360 You said you liked me in stockings, so here you go big boy. 1.3004 0.04091 223 174 31 18
361 What? I don’t judge you for wearing crocs! 1.3004 0.03837 223 169 41 13
362 For the love of God, Jim, please turn up the thermostat 1.3000 0.03996 210 160 37 13
363 I'm your little stocking stuffer. 1.3000 0.04109 210 162 33 15
364 If you don’t fix the washing machine today, I’m leaving you. 1.3000 0.04109 210 162 33 15
365 It's ok, it's ok! The kids are rejecting flagrant materialism this year.. 1.3000 0.03817 220 166 42 12
366 I googled tips for looking extra sexy and Cosmo suggested wearing stockings. 1.3000 0.04370 200 157 26 17
367 I am getting ready to watch a Hallmark movie. 1.2996 0.03915 237 184 35 18
368 You can’t tell me a guy who died for our sins would also want me to have cold feet. 1.2995 0.04206 207 161 30 16
369 Well, they were just going to hang there, weren’t they? 1.2995 0.03853 197 146 43 8
370 Finally, the season where my fashion choices go from 'quirky' to 'festive.' 1.2995 0.04331 187 144 30 13
371 It's only until the washing machine is fixed. 1.2991 0.03856 234 180 38 16
372 I call them…mistletoes. 1.2991 0.04106 214 166 32 16
373 No I love them, it’s just not what I had in mind when I asked for stockings 1.2990 0.04219 194 149 32 13
374 Did you think I have three feet? 1.2989 0.03574 261 199 46 16
375 When you finally admit that you’re empty nesters… 1.2988 0.03672 251 192 43 16
376 They look homier if they're broken in. 1.2986 0.03636 221 164 48 9
377 Baby it’s cold inside! 1.2985 0.03866 201 150 42 9
378 Ugly sweaters are so last year. 1.2976 0.04432 168 128 30 10
379 Now will you start a fire? 1.2971 0.04154 175 131 36 8
380 They're way more stylish and functional than Crocs. 1.2968 0.03595 219 162 49 8
381 Because my feet are cold, we don’t have kids, and this is a fake fireplace! Get over it Chad! 1.2963 0.04667 189 152 18 19
382 Turn up the thermostat and I’ll take them off. 1.2957 0.03433 257 193 52 12
383 Jack Frost was nipping at my toes. 1.2952 0.04380 166 126 31 9
384 I had cold feet and I don't care anymore. 1.2946 0.03650 224 168 46 10
385 Next time, don't forget to buy me slippers. 1.2944 0.03782 231 177 40 14
386 If you'd turn up the thermostat... 1.2936 0.03769 218 165 42 11
387 Put on the wreath and let’s get naughty. 1.2935 0.04103 201 155 33 13
388 Have I got a stocking stuffer for you! 1.2934 0.03844 242 189 35 18
389 That one has your name on it. 1.2934 0.03708 242 186 41 15
390 I can't find my Uggs. 1.2933 0.03948 208 159 37 12
391 Who are we kidding, Irving, we’re the Schwartz’s and my feet are freezing. 1.2931 0.03865 232 180 36 16
392 Look, it’s nothing personal. But Santa and I are leaving for the Bahamas. 1.2928 0.04052 181 136 37 8
393 Because inflation is so high, I'm going to repurpose these to save money. 1.2928 0.03554 222 165 49 8
394 You're right of course ... much better without the oranges. 1.2925 0.04008 212 164 34 14
395 We really need to do laundry today. 1.2924 0.03911 236 185 33 18
396 Light a fire or turn up the thermostat. Otherwise, this is happening. 1.2922 0.03641 219 164 46 9
397 I'm foggy and a little hungover. 1.2922 0.04211 243 199 17 27
398 I like the feeling of warm chocolate between my toes. 1.2918 0.03802 233 180 38 15
399 Thought about hanging these up, but I got cold feet! 1.2917 0.04101 192 147 34 11
400 You can't get the fire started and I'm freezing...you have a better idea? 1.2915 0.04127 199 154 32 13
401 Personally, I am OK with it, but I suspect little Jodi and Bobby Jr. might object. 1.2914 0.04294 175 134 31 10
402 These socks weren't made for walking, but that's just what I'll do. 1.2913 0.03933 230 180 33 17
403 I figured neither of us would need them this year because we've both been so bad. 1.2911 0.03756 237 183 39 15
404 They're warm tidings of comfort and joy. 1.2910 0.03541 244 185 47 12
405 I'm an originalist. 1.2909 0.03849 220 169 38 13
406 I’m starting to get cold feet about this relationship 1.2907 0.03715 227 173 42 12
407 I asked you a million times to do the laundry 1.2905 0.03664 241 185 42 14
408 Next year I’ll hang four socks. 1.2903 0.03548 248 189 46 13
409 Ugly Christmas sweaters are passé. 1.2903 0.04117 186 142 34 10
410 Hey, it was your turn to do the laundry this week. 1.2903 0.03829 217 166 39 12
411 I prefer the fishnets. 1.2900 0.03921 200 152 38 10
412 Just finding a use for these now you've told the kids that Santa isn't real. 1.2900 0.04047 200 154 34 12
413 For Pete's sake Bob...it's not like we ever get anything good in them. 1.2899 0.03600 169 121 47 1
414 When you married a podiatrist you made certain concessions. 1.2896 0.03669 221 167 44 10
415 I’m sorry, but strip poker with your parents is just weird. Now hand me that wreath. 1.2895 0.04322 190 149 27 14
416 I celebrate traditions older than Christmas 1.2892 0.03298 249 185 56 8
417 Light the fire, Steve. I'm begging you. 1.2891 0.03660 211 158 45 8
418 Oh, grow up! He's not real. 1.2890 0.04029 218 171 31 16
419 You can put yours on however you want to! 1.2889 0.04131 180 137 34 9
420 It’s called upcycling, Todd. 1.2888 0.03605 232 176 45 11
421 It's ugly sock day at work. 1.2887 0.04256 194 152 28 14
422 Reduce, recycle, reuse. 1.2882 0.03582 229 173 46 10
423 One for you, one for me, and one for the dog who has no f***ing clue what Christmas is and yet always seems to get a better present than me. 1.2881 0.03638 243 187 42 14
424 It’s not what you think. 1.2880 0.04038 191 146 35 10
425 I saw Taylor Swift wearing a pair. 1.2879 0.04193 198 155 29 14
426 You and Santa had 12 days to fill 'em 1.2877 0.04052 212 166 31 15
427 I wouldn't have to succumb to this if you kept the thermostat above 62 degrees. 1.2866 0.04558 164 128 25 11
428 They're perfect for that sweater you got me last year....... 1.2865 0.04231 178 137 31 10
429 I told you this last year. If you refuse to turn up the heat, you'll be getting NO presents! 1.2857 0.03961 210 163 34 13
430 I don't have an ugly Christmas sweater. 1.2857 0.03933 203 156 36 11
431 If you are too cheap to light the fire, then I have to do what I have to do. 1.2851 0.03768 221 170 39 12
432 All I want for Christmas is warm feet. 1.2850 0.03757 207 157 41 9
433 It's your lucky night... I'm your stocking stuffer 1.2850 0.03940 207 160 35 12
434 What? Is it because they don't match? 1.2850 0.03940 207 160 35 12
435 Do these stockings make my legs look fat? 1.2850 0.03999 207 161 33 13
436 Ugly sweaters are so last season 1.2843 0.04155 204 161 28 15
437 Give me two minutes, then join me in the bedroom. 1.2842 0.04308 190 150 26 14
438 Just leave a note thanking the kids for the cookies, and saying that Santa's feet were cold. 1.2842 0.04357 183 144 26 13
439 The fireplace is just not doing it for me. 1.2838 0.03570 229 174 45 10
440 Oh sorry did you want the snowman? 1.2838 0.03587 222 168 45 9
441 I asked Santa for Uggs. I guess he forgot. 1.2837 0.03779 215 165 39 11
442 The medium is the message. 1.2836 0.03954 201 155 35 11
443 Not wearing heels is the greatest gift of all. 1.2832 0.04225 173 133 31 9
444 Okay I’ll put them back, but you’ve got stop lowering the thermostat. 1.2830 0.03871 212 164 36 12
445 I'll stop "ruining Christmas" when you stop touching the thermostat. 1.2830 0.03928 212 165 34 13
446 Cold feet or holiday cheer? 1.2829 0.03899 205 158 36 11
447 They were toasty, ok? 1.2829 0.03775 205 156 40 9
448 My last husband only had one leg. 1.2829 0.04020 205 160 32 13
449 Do these stockings make my butt look big? 1.2829 0.04218 152 114 33 5
450 They were 3 for a dollar 1.2825 0.04235 177 137 30 10
451 My mother says I dress like a ho ho ho. 1.2825 0.04457 177 140 24 13
452 I also can't find my earrings, so be a dear and grab me a couple of ornaments. 1.2822 0.03936 202 156 35 11
453 I'm your present this year. 1.2822 0.03999 202 157 33 12
454 It's your turn to do laundry. 1.2821 0.04032 195 151 33 11
455 ‘Stockings’ is plural. 1.2816 0.03695 206 156 42 8
456 I like the way the candy canes feel between my toes. 1.2811 0.04128 217 174 25 18
457 Put on your gear, Santa needs us. 1.2811 0.03805 217 168 37 12
458 The good news is that you're getting a dog for Christmas. The bad news is that he chewed all our socks. 1.2811 0.04643 185 151 16 18
459 What do you mean, "In the video they were fishnet?" 1.2811 0.04315 185 146 26 13
460 sorry i thought these were for me 1.2800 0.03856 175 131 39 5
461 Says the guy who covered the house in one million tiny lights. 1.2800 0.04203 200 159 26 15
462 … just a little more stretching to make room for that new phone 1.2800 0.03893 200 154 36 10
463 I don't care who's coming, my feet are cold now. 1.2798 0.03789 218 169 37 12
464 I just need one more leg." 1.2796 0.03815 211 163 37 11
465 To hell with the kids. My feet are cold. 1.2796 0.03714 186 139 42 5
466 Why not? 1.2793 0.04194 179 139 30 10
467 I haven’t had time for laundry. 1.2792 0.03930 197 152 35 10
468 Hon, we're Jewish. 1.2791 0.04309 172 134 28 10
469 I know only two of us live here, but he won't know. 1.2789 0.04095 190 148 31 11
470 Babe, the invitation said ugly SWEATER party. 1.2789 0.04162 190 149 29 12
471 Just pretend it’s Easter and hop on one foot. 1.2788 0.04349 165 128 28 9
472 Don't I make a great stocking stuffer! 1.2785 0.03718 219 169 39 11
473 Or, will you finally turn up the heat? 1.2785 0.03662 219 168 41 10
474 Goodbye, Tom. Thank you for the dinner 1.2784 0.04315 176 138 27 11
475 Sweetie, that’s not how you stuff Christmas stockings. 1.2784 0.03969 194 150 34 10
476 So that's your "Christmas stripper" fantasy? 1.2781 0.04277 169 131 29 9
477 Honey that wasn’t quite what I had in mind when I asked if you’d wear stockings. 1.2781 0.04277 169 131 29 9
478 It’s this or turn up the heat, Jerry. 1.2781 0.04109 169 129 33 7
479 If you don't like it, get me those Gucci boots on my Christmas list! 1.2780 0.03824 205 158 37 10
480 These stockings were hung by the chimney to wear. 1.2780 0.03834 223 175 34 14
481 Two for me, one for you. 1.2778 0.03978 198 154 33 11
482 Yule jog! 1.2778 0.03780 198 151 39 8
483 Well, I didn’t get the Uggs I asked for. 1.2778 0.03913 198 153 35 10
484 If it’s a no-shoes-household they should really provide socks 1.2778 0.05256 144 118 12 14
485 It’s my passive aggressive way of saying I’m cold. 1.2775 0.03796 191 145 39 7
486 They fit like a stocking. 1.2775 0.03796 191 145 39 7
487 I don’t have time to explain now, Robert, just run. 1.2773 0.03868 220 173 33 14
488 Off your meds again, dear? 1.2772 0.04109 184 143 31 10
489 We can only afford either heat or Christmas, Chad. Pick one. 1.2772 0.03650 184 137 43 4
490 You were in charge of laundry. 1.2770 0.04580 148 115 25 8
491 Well, don't you prefer your holidays to be wacky over embittered and stressful? 1.2770 0.03542 213 161 45 7
492 Fashion over function, honey. 1.2769 0.03673 195 147 42 6
493 These stockings don't fit me. Who is she? 1.2768 0.04368 177 140 25 12
494 You can wear the wreath and shove the log down your pants. 1.2768 0.03973 224 179 28 17
495 A, I don't believe in Santa Claus and B, my feet are cold. 1.2766 0.04186 188 148 28 12
496 I’m a mom, Jared. This is the only way I know there will be something in my stocking. 1.2766 0.04386 188 151 22 15
497 I wouldn’t have to if somebody had gotten me the slippers I asked for. 1.2764 0.03763 199 152 39 8
498 Oh, you don't remember promising to do laundry this week? 1.2764 0.03896 199 154 35 10
499 The coal reduces the foot odor. 1.2762 0.04369 181 144 24 13
500 You got me the same thing last year. 1.2762 0.04153 181 141 30 10
501 Remember when we said we'd make our own traditions? Well... 1.2761 0.04109 163 124 33 6
502 I think Santa did come... my foot is soggy! 1.2760 0.04190 192 152 27 13
503 Why is it always my turn? 1.2760 0.03779 192 146 39 7
504 I was really hoping for mittens. 1.2759 0.03941 174 132 36 6
505 It’s freaking cold, Mark. 1.2759 0.04186 174 135 30 9
506 Well *someone* has to go out for more wood. 1.2754 0.04044 167 127 34 6
507 Well, you voted for him and now we can’t afford heating oil, those made-in-China solar panels don’t work in a blizzard, and the wind farms shut down when it’s icy. My Dad told me you were a moron. 1.2753 0.04560 178 144 19 15
508 OMG, I love them, thank you so much. 1.2751 0.03814 189 144 38 7
509 Mistletoe. Get it? 1.2751 0.03814 189 144 38 7
510 Be honest- too matchy matchy? 1.2750 0.04429 160 125 26 9
511 They're not empty any more. 1.2747 0.04133 182 142 30 10
512 Well I won’t fit under the tree. 1.2745 0.04470 153 119 26 8
513 They're comfortable but I'm afraid they're too seasonal. 1.2742 0.03925 186 143 35 8
514 You're the past, I'm the present. 1.2741 0.03916 197 153 34 10
515 I don't know. I'm Jewish. 1.2739 0.04748 157 126 19 12
516 The stockings were hung by the chimney with care, but it's too freaking cold if my footies are bare 1.2738 0.04523 168 134 22 12
517 You snooze you lose, Bud. 1.2737 0.04080 190 149 30 11
518 I really need to do the laundry. 1.2737 0.03941 190 147 34 9
519 I made them, I can use them however I want 1.2737 0.04011 190 148 32 10
520 You think that I look silly? You're the one that's only gonna have one stocking at the party! 1.2733 0.04523 172 138 21 13
521 You don’t have to know what it means. Santa knows what it means. 1.2733 0.04211 172 134 29 9
522 You like when I wear stockings 1.2732 0.03888 183 140 36 7
523 You're Prancer and I'm Vixen. 1.2732 0.03745 194 148 39 7
524 if we could just set the thermostat a couple degrees higher, i wouldn't have to ruin the holidays 1.2732 0.03885 194 150 35 9
525 Thanks. These are great, but I still want some furniture. 1.2727 0.04222 176 138 28 10
526 Mrs. Robinson, you're trying seduce me...aren't you? 1.2727 0.04298 176 139 26 11
527 Go ahead, but you’re going to look silly with just one on. 1.2727 0.04539 154 121 24 9
528 I know what you are thinking…we should have had four children 1.2727 0.04259 187 149 25 13
529 If Santa's not coming, I might as well use them! 1.2723 0.03845 202 157 35 10
530 We're empty nesters now, might as well repurpose the socks. 1.2723 0.03780 202 156 37 9
531 The stockings were hung by the chimney with care, but not at the price of my feet going bare. 1.2717 0.04020 184 143 32 9
532 What?!? You said you're into girls in stockings... 1.2717 0.03869 184 141 36 7
533 Honey I think you have had enough of the eggnog 1.2713 0.04171 188 149 27 12
534 I am filling your socks with what you had better want! 1.2713 0.04032 188 147 31 10
535 Why? Because I refuse to be part of the patriarchal overly commercialized Santa industrial complex, that’s why. Also, my feet are damn cold. 1.2713 0.03961 188 146 33 9
536 I also got you socks for Christmas! 1.2710 0.04513 155 122 24 9
537 Stocking up for Christmas ! 1.2708 0.03834 192 148 36 8
538 You've never seen anyone in their stocking feet before? 1.2708 0.03834 192 148 36 8
539 Fine. I will hang them. But I think he knows there is only two of us here. 1.2707 0.03828 181 138 37 6
540 All I want for Christmas are two warm feet! 1.2706 0.04153 170 132 30 8
541 We've all done it once. 1.2706 0.04068 170 131 32 7
542 I am thinking of wearing them to the company holiday party 1.2703 0.03717 222 174 36 12
543 Don't know how Amy and the rest of her mates in "Cartoons" come up with these overly-imaginative, wonderous graphics, but thought this an equally incongruent attempt to wish Emma and the rest of them a very merry and happy Holiday. 1.2703 0.04678 185 154 12 19
544 Yes, I lost the bet. 1.2703 0.03927 185 143 34 8
545 Quick! Take my picture. I want to be a holiday influencer. 1.2700 0.04054 200 159 28 13
546 Come on, baby, light my fire. 1.2699 0.04357 163 128 26 9
547 Because I’ve always wanted to do this, that’s why. 1.2697 0.04026 178 138 32 8
548 Bare feet in December? You look ridiculous! 1.2697 0.04544 178 145 18 15
549 The candy hurts. 1.2695 0.04112 167 129 31 7
550 Uh oh, I think there’s a gift left in here from last year. 1.2692 0.03966 182 141 33 8
551 It’s this or my cold feet on your back tonight 1.2692 0.04116 182 143 29 10
552 He didn't leave anything in this one either. 1.2688 0.03833 186 143 36 7
553 Your gift to me can be doing the laundry for a change. 1.2688 0.04264 186 149 24 13
554 I told you my family's holiday traditions are weird. Wait till you see what I do with the wreath. 1.2688 0.04054 186 146 30 10
555 Turn up the heat? Don’t be silly. 1.2688 0.04036 160 122 33 5
556 No, I don't want to guess where Elf on the Shelf is hiding tonight! 1.2687 0.03493 227 175 43 9
557 Really? Never seen a woman in stockings? 1.2683 0.04333 164 129 26 9
558 Light my fire, Todd. 1.2683 0.04419 164 130 24 10
559 You're certain he will come down this chimney if I put on these things? 1.2682 0.03621 220 171 39 10
560 This is the only way we can afford to fill these stockings this year. 1.2682 0.04234 179 142 26 11
561 What? It's December 26th. 1.2680 0.03869 194 151 34 9
562 Well, they're stockings, aren't they? 1.2680 0.03729 194 149 38 7
563 Just always wanted to do this. 1.2679 0.04091 168 130 31 7
564 Do these make me look fat? 1.2678 0.03947 183 142 33 8
565 Merry Effin’ Christmas, you 62-degree-thermostat cheapskate.” 1.2678 0.04447 183 149 19 15
566 The dog peed on the rug again 1.2678 0.04169 183 145 27 11
567 Wanna see my Nancy Sinatra rendition 1.2675 0.04553 157 125 22 10
568 It feels like . . . a book?? 1.2674 0.04027 172 133 32 7
569 The weather outside is frightful. 1.2673 0.03699 202 156 38 8
570 Yes George, it was your week to do laundry 1.2673 0.04018 202 161 28 13
571 Unwrap me, you savage. 1.2671 0.04384 161 127 25 9
572 No dibs. I saw these first. 1.2670 0.03883 176 135 35 6
573 You really shouldn't have. 1.2670 0.04205 176 139 27 10
574 Until YOU figure out how to start a fire….. 1.2670 0.03966 176 136 33 7
575 Yes I know, they're mismatched 1.2670 0.03883 176 135 35 6
576 We either light the fire or I’m wearing these. 1.2670 0.03763 191 147 37 7
577 The other one's probably in the dryer. 1.2667 0.03668 210 163 38 9
578 What? I’m late and I can’t find my ugly Christmas sweater! 1.2667 0.04053 195 155 28 12
579 That one is yours, mister don’t-touch-the-thermostat. And let me tell you how you can keep your other foot warm… 1.2667 0.04698 150 120 20 10
580 The washer lost your other sock. 1.2663 0.03931 199 157 31 11
581 If we have 1 more kid, you can have a pair, too 1.2663 0.04076 184 145 29 10
582 Well, this is embarrassing. 1.2663 0.04402 169 135 23 11
583 Turn up the thermostat and then we can discuss taking them off. 1.2663 0.03892 169 129 35 5
584 You were giving me socks anyway. 1.2660 0.04086 188 149 28 11
585 I'll hang them by the chimney with care as soon as you turn the thermostat up somewhere past 48 1.2659 0.04482 173 140 20 13
586 Well I just don’t get how this is any different from your prancing around the office with that ridiculous Santa hat” 1.2659 0.04090 173 135 30 8
587 They fit okay,but the candy canes are uncomfortable. 1.2659 0.04251 173 137 26 10
588 I'm stepping in those little round chocolates, aren't I? 1.2658 0.04155 158 122 30 6
589 Santa isn’t going to pay our heating bill. 1.2657 0.03700 207 161 37 9
590 It’s the new ugly Christmas sweater trend 1.2656 0.03746 192 148 37 7
591 I'm your present tonight. 1.2655 0.03780 177 135 37 5
592 I’m really into stocking stuffers. 1.2652 0.03967 181 141 32 8
593 He can’t fill them with coal if he can’t find them. 1.2652 0.03967 181 141 32 8
594 Why not? Santa won't be coming here this year. We've been naughty 1.2648 0.03792 219 174 32 13
595 When you turn 30, warm feet become more important than small gifts. 1.2647 0.04134 170 133 29 8
596 I’m leaving you, Jerry 1.2647 0.04379 170 136 23 11
597 So I tell the girls, 'Stop getting into my closet and borrowing my stuff!' But do they listen? No... 1.2646 0.04067 189 150 28 11
598 Best stocking stuffer of the holiday, Honey! 1.2646 0.03926 189 148 32 9
599 Remember when you said that I was all you wanted? 1.2644 0.04069 174 136 30 8
600 So I’m wearing the wreath tonight? 1.2642 0.03940 193 152 31 10
601 Just wait till I put on the tree skirt as well. 1.2642 0.04412 159 126 24 9
602 I always get cold feet around Christmas. 1.2640 0.04086 178 140 29 9
603 I didn't know you were home. 1.2640 0.04238 178 142 25 11
604 These stockings will go great with my ugly Christmas sweater. 1.2640 0.04007 178 139 31 8
605 I'm leaving you. 1.2640 0.04080 197 158 26 13
606 Someone's gotta go out in the snow and look for the cat. 1.2637 0.03948 182 142 32 8
607 Umm, you could just hop? 1.2634 0.03843 205 162 32 11
608 So sweet of you honey, they fit perfectly. 1.2632 0.04276 171 136 25 10
609 Then why are they called 'stockings'? 1.2632 0.04356 171 137 23 11
610 Screw Santa, my feet are cold! 1.2632 0.04028 171 133 31 7
611 Can’t you see I’m at least donning them with care? 1.2632 0.03941 171 132 33 6
612 These fit perfectly, I guess Santa thought you had one leg. 1.2628 0.03976 156 119 33 4
613 The kids will never know. 1.2628 0.04736 156 127 17 12
614 Well, you keep singing "all I want for Christmas is you." 1.2626 0.04061 198 159 26 13
615 I'll let you decide where you want the third stocking to go. 1.2626 0.03867 198 156 32 10
616 It’s applied art, Jerry. 1.2626 0.04217 179 143 25 11
617 All I want for Christmas is two warm feet 1.2625 0.04205 160 125 28 7
618 This year, I'll be more present. 1.2623 0.04152 183 146 26 11
619 The dog will like the toys we fill these with more if they smell like my socks. 1.2623 0.03852 183 142 34 7
620 Only one left,deal with it! 1.2622 0.04313 164 130 25 9
621 I knew I should’ve gotten these in an 8. 1.2622 0.04483 164 132 21 11
622 I decided to really get into the decorations this year. 1.2621 0.03888 206 164 30 12
623 Wait until you see what I did with our Menorah. 1.2621 0.04896 145 118 16 11
624 You’ve never seen an atheist with poor circulation celebrate Christmas? 1.2620 0.04089 187 149 27 11
625 Who's been a naughty boy? 1.2619 0.04157 168 132 28 8
626 You’re not from around here, are you? 1.2616 0.04007 172 134 31 7
627 If this doesn't put me in the Christmas spirit, then nothing will. 1.2614 0.04018 153 117 32 4
628 No, we fill them with presents, not with your presence! 1.2614 0.04186 176 140 26 10
629 Sweetie, those aren’t your Uggs. 1.2614 0.04028 176 138 30 8
630 It’s kick boxing day. 1.2611 0.03889 180 140 33 7
631 Am I naughty or nice? 1.2611 0.03808 180 139 35 6
632 I hope Santa brings a couple of insoles. 1.2609 0.04363 161 128 24 9
633 My Christmas wish is to get the washer fixed. 1.2609 0.04059 184 146 28 10
634 They're just for kicks. 1.2609 0.03910 184 144 32 8
635 I can’t believe after 25 years of marriage you just figured out I’m Santa Claus 1.2609 0.04451 161 129 22 10
636 Your mother knows I’m Jewish, right? 1.2606 0.04139 188 151 25 12
637 Baby, it's cold in here! 1.2604 0.03961 169 131 32 6
638 Fine, I won't touch the thermostat. 1.2601 0.04152 173 137 27 9
639 It's this or turn up the heat. 1.2601 0.04232 173 138 25 10
640 I use the candy canes as ankle supports. 1.2600 0.03767 200 157 34 9
641 You can have the hula hoop. 1.2597 0.04175 181 145 25 11
642 Don't worry. I'll hang them back up before Santa arrives. 1.2597 0.04101 181 144 27 10
643 I’ve been looking for these boots since you gave them to me last year. 1.2597 0.04248 181 146 23 12
644 Oh by the way we need more rum and egg nog. 1.2595 0.04040 185 147 28 10
645 I’m sick of shopping for stocking stuffers. 1.2595 0.04040 185 147 28 10
646 Were you using these? 1.2595 0.03815 185 144 34 7
647 I'm leaving you for an older man with a long white beard. 1.2593 0.04814 135 108 19 8
648 You don't have to believe in anything to know your feet are warm. 1.2593 0.04119 189 152 25 12
649 I said 'stockings.' Stockings would be sexy... 1.2593 0.04187 189 153 23 13
650 If you press down hard enough the lumps of coal turn into diamonds. 1.2590 0.04434 166 134 21 11
651 My other pair had a run in them. 1.2590 0.04596 166 136 17 13
652 Don't laugh: you thought my menorah was a backscratcher. 1.2590 0.04826 139 112 18 9
653 For YOU––and your 'foot thing.' 1.2589 0.03591 197 152 39 6
654 No stocking stuffers until you agree to turn up the thermostat. 1.2588 0.04197 170 135 26 9
655 Is this enough 'stepping into the holidays' for you, Jim? 1.2586 0.03882 174 135 33 6
656 Honey, you got ME for Christmas! 1.2586 0.04210 174 139 25 10
657 And the great thing is, they're cheaper than Uggs. 1.2586 0.03967 174 136 31 7
658 I’m trying to live in the present? 1.2586 0.03967 174 136 31 7
659 A nice thought, but it’s okay to admit you forgot to go shopping. 1.2584 0.03988 178 140 30 8
660 I'm suddenly getting cold feet about this whole Santa Claus malarky. 1.2584 0.03717 209 165 34 10
661 Go ahead and laugh, but they're doing wonders for my plantar fasciitis. 1.2581 0.04653 155 126 18 11
662 When I suggested that you put on some stockings by the fireplace, I had a different visual in mind. 1.2581 0.04020 186 148 28 10
663 I’ll go with it but that garter is way too big 1.2581 0.04469 155 124 22 9
664 This is the year they learn that I'VE been the REAL gift, all along. 1.2579 0.03745 190 148 35 7
665 This is not what I pictured when you said you were in red stockings. 1.2579 0.04205 159 125 27 7
666 I'm guessing you are new to this whole Christmas thing? 1.2577 0.03906 194 154 30 10
667 It's the new old-fashioned way. 1.2577 0.03695 194 151 36 7
668 Admit it. You've always wanted to try this. 1.2577 0.03837 194 153 32 9
669 You’ll have to hop. 1.2577 0.04488 163 132 20 11
670 I would rather just have warm feet. 1.2576 0.04641 132 104 22 6
671 This is the gayest apparel I could find. 1.2575 0.04492 167 136 19 12
672 Santa only gives me socks anyway. 1.2575 0.04070 167 131 29 7
673 Then turn up the heat 1.2574 0.03800 202 160 32 10
674 They may have been hung by the chimney with care, but I can't feel my toes. 1.2571 0.03777 175 135 35 5
675 I am the stocking stuffer. 1.2571 0.04189 175 140 25 10
676 Warm toes are the best present of all. 1.2570 0.04199 179 144 24 11
677 ...since the kids are gone.... 1.2568 0.03910 183 144 31 8
678 Now, you hula hoop the wreath and we go rock around the Christmas tree. Then we take another drink of eggnog. 1.2564 0.04536 156 126 20 10
679 It’s no different than wearing a bathing suit when you run out of underwear 1.2561 0.04204 164 130 26 8
680 Because I’m filled with the spirit of the season and I haven’t done laundry in two weeks. 1.2560 0.04221 168 134 25 9
681 I hate buying single use items. 1.2560 0.04136 168 133 27 8
682 happy wife, happy life 1.2560 0.04305 168 135 23 10
683 This is me getting into the season 1.2559 0.03297 211 161 46 4
684 Well, I’m not allowed to touch the thermostat so… 1.2558 0.03900 172 134 32 6
685 I’ve decided to be all-in this year. 1.2556 0.03788 180 140 34 6
686 All you want for Christmas is me. 1.2554 0.03967 184 146 29 9
687 They don’t have to match;I’m making a statement! 1.2554 0.03892 184 145 31 8
688 Quite frankly, it is none of your business. 1.2553 0.04870 141 115 16 10
689 Sorry, it’s laundry day 1.2553 0.03762 188 147 34 7
690 He's not coming and I'm cold. Light the &%@$# fire! 1.2552 0.03783 192 151 33 8
691 I now consider these stockings stuffed 1.2551 0.03870 196 156 30 10
692 You wear them around like this for a week to stretch them out, and you get twice as much useless junk. 1.2547 0.04159 161 127 27 7
693 I may have misunderstood what a stocking stuffer is 1.2547 0.03968 161 125 31 5
694 You can have the stockings back after you start the fire 1.2545 0.04269 165 132 24 9
695 Hot or not? 1.2545 0.04181 165 131 26 8
696 I thought they were UGGs. 1.2545 0.04092 165 130 28 7
697 Santa knows you have been naughty and have a foot fetish. 1.2545 0.04354 165 133 22 10
698 Well now that the holidays are over, it’d just be wasteful not to. 1.2545 0.04354 165 133 22 10
699 So sue me, my feet are cold. 1.2544 0.03939 169 132 31 6
700 I'm so glad I finally decided to try Christmas! 1.2544 0.03863 228 187 24 17
701 What are you the sock police? 1.2543 0.03793 173 134 34 5
702 Sweetie, that last one isn’t for your feet. 1.2541 0.04007 181 144 28 9
703 Tell me again, why did we have to run barefoot through the snow? 1.2541 0.04007 181 144 28 9
704 I thought 'stocking stuffers' meant feet." 1.2541 0.04165 185 150 23 12
705 My toes need to be holly jolly, too. 1.2541 0.03948 185 147 29 9
706 Yes, one of your feet will be cold until you light that log. 1.2541 0.03948 185 147 29 9
707 And I cannot wait for you to see how I wear the Christmas tree! 1.2536 0.03701 209 166 33 10
708 You get me socks every year. 1.2532 0.04278 154 122 25 7
709 I learned this during my Peace Corps rotation at the North Pole. 1.2532 0.04300 158 126 24 8
710 Reuse, recycle, rejoice! 1.2531 0.04043 162 127 29 6
711 Oh,relax. Once I get outside the chocolate firms up again like magic. 1.2531 0.04318 162 130 23 9
712 It gives a more homey feeling if I break them in first. 1.2529 0.04007 170 134 29 7
713 They’re UGG’s. 1.2529 0.03829 170 132 33 5
714 I based your stocking stuffers on your search history. 1.2529 0.04270 174 141 22 11
715 My ride's arrived. I'm out of here. 1.2528 0.04126 178 143 25 10
716 I think you misunderstood when I said I wanted you to wear stockings to bed FOR Christmas... 1.2527 0.03910 182 144 30 8
717 You play the naughty elf! 1.2527 0.04137 182 147 24 11
718 Maybe if Santa pays our heating bill this year I can take these off 1.2527 0.04063 182 146 26 10
719 It’s 17 degrees outside. If not now, when? 1.2525 0.03768 198 157 32 9
720 I might as well put these to some use since no one stuffs my stocking anyway 1.2525 0.03901 198 159 28 11
721 Your wildest Christmas dreams have been filled! 1.2524 0.03859 206 166 28 12
722 I don’t have a Christmas sweater to wear 1.2519 0.04669 135 108 20 7
723 No shoes allowed in the house? These are perfect! 1.2519 0.04169 135 104 28 3
724 I doesn't matter how much care they were hung with...my feet are cold. 1.2518 0.04462 139 110 23 6
725 Who said they can’t be multi-purpose? 1.2517 0.04704 143 116 18 9
726 Time to reboot. 1.2517 0.04225 151 119 26 6
727 Found the Leggos 1.2517 0.04225 151 119 26 6
728 Look, we did your thing with the 8 candles. Now we do mine. 1.2516 0.04631 155 127 17 11
729 I’ve been trying to figure out how to tell you the kids aren’t coming home for Christmas. 1.2516 0.03947 155 120 31 4
730 I lost the other one in the dryer 1.2515 0.04381 163 132 21 10
731 These are my 'you should have turned up the heat" stockings. 1.2515 0.04205 163 130 25 8
732 Oh, it’s this new TikTok challenge. 1.2515 0.04205 163 130 25 8
733 You get two stockings if you've been good. 1.2515 0.04137 167 133 26 8
734 Gotta love empty nesting! 1.2515 0.04223 167 134 24 9
735 The dryer's on the fritz. 1.2515 0.03899 171 134 31 6
736 Sure hope Santa brings some Uggs 1.2515 0.04071 171 136 27 8
737 You’d get it wrong too if you were raised by wolves. 1.2515 0.04237 171 138 23 10
738 Do I look too much like a ho ho ho? 1.2514 0.04090 175 140 26 9
739 Well, I don't have a sweater. 1.2514 0.04090 175 140 26 9
740 Well if you'd gotten me the wool socks I asked for *last* year .... 1.2514 0.04009 175 139 28 8
741 What? My feet are cold. 1.2513 0.03761 187 147 33 7
742 I AM filling your stocking! 1.2512 0.03608 211 167 35 9
743 The oven mitts were too small. 1.2500 0.04483 132 104 23 5
744 I know, but they're really warm. And festive. 1.2500 0.04069 176 141 26 9
745 I'm not sure that's what they meant by "wear Christmas attire" 1.2500 0.04227 124 95 27 2
746 Sorry, but it's the kinkiest boots I have... 1.2500 0.04008 180 144 27 9
747 It’s called repurposing. 1.2500 0.04130 156 123 27 6
748 I think that goes on the other foot. 1.2500 0.04326 156 125 23 8
749 Your Spotify shuffle played 'All I Want for Christmas is You' for a hundred times and I take the hint. 1.2500 0.03906 176 139 30 7
750 I'm your present, and also Dave's. Greg's getting something else" 1.2500 0.04008 180 144 27 9
751 Now lift me onto the mantel. 1.2500 0.04201 152 120 26 6
752 I wear the socks in this family! 1.2500 0.03904 164 128 31 5
753 This is what happens when you forget to do the laundry 1.2500 0.03699 172 133 35 4
754 Since you refuse to turn up the thermostat… 1.2500 0.03795 184 145 32 7
755 Now that you mention it, they do look a bit like Christmas stockings. 1.2500 0.03734 200 159 32 9
756 You told me not to warm my feet on your body anymore 1.2500 0.04782 148 122 15 11
757 I thought all you wanted for Christmas was me! 1.2500 0.04270 164 132 23 9
758 Warm wife means a good life 1.2500 0.03850 180 142 31 7
759 All I really want for Christmas are warm feet ! 1.2500 0.04159 160 127 26 7
760 What? I was cold. 1.2500 0.04403 152 122 22 8
761 Hint, hint:light the fire. 1.2500 0.03879 172 135 31 6
762 This is the best stocking stuff you’ll ever get 1.2500 0.04096 152 119 28 5
763 Thought I’d get into the Holiday Spirit 1.2500 0.03904 164 128 31 5
764 This year’s been tight 1.2500 0.03795 184 145 32 7
765 And we will just take turns leaving the house! 1.2487 0.03628 197 155 35 7
766 I stretch them out every year to enlarge them from last 1.2487 0.03969 197 160 25 12
767 Santa isn't real, Rick. 1.2486 0.04127 177 143 24 10
768 You just stepped on my candy, Joanne. 1.2486 0.04112 173 139 25 9
769 Well George, you said it was my turn to fill the stockings! 1.2486 0.03859 173 136 31 6
770 You better have bought me boots this year. 1.2485 0.04093 169 135 26 8
771 Just until you manage to light the fireplace 1.2484 0.04041 161 127 28 6
772 Oh honey, just what I needed! 1.2484 0.04229 161 129 24 8
773 Wait! NOW you believe in Santa?? 1.2484 0.04577 157 129 17 11
774 If the stocking fits 1.2484 0.04205 157 125 25 7
775 No, no, no, Rebecca. Santa goes on the left foot. 1.2484 0.04663 153 126 16 11
776 This is where your foray into crypto has gotten us 1.2484 0.04844 153 128 12 13
777 If you would just let me put my feet on you to warm up this wouldn’t be an issue. 1.2481 0.04189 133 103 27 3
778 Have you seen the price of Uggs lately!!?? 1.2473 0.03601 186 145 36 5
779 Are they Bombas? 1.2472 0.03867 178 141 30 7
780 Where did you ever find socks in my size? 1.2472 0.04183 178 145 22 11
781 If I have to go to your company Christmas party, then at least I’ll be comfortable. 1.2472 0.04106 178 144 24 10
782 Times are hard, Frank! 1.2472 0.03784 178 140 32 6
783 Didn’t you say all I want for Christmas is me? 1.2471 0.04091 174 140 25 9
784 Life's a lot simpler now that the kids have grown up. 1.2471 0.03752 174 136 33 5
785 The only things stuffing these stockings are my cold feet. 1.2471 0.04156 170 137 24 9
786 If Trump comes down that chimney, I'm gonna kick his ass! 1.2471 0.04156 170 137 24 9
787 All you get for Christmas is my two front feet 1.2471 0.03985 170 135 28 7
788 Well, my feet were cold. 1.2470 0.03956 166 131 29 6
789 Santa doesn't need to know that I haven't shaved my legs since Halloween. 1.2470 0.04310 166 135 21 10
790 I didn't spend 29.99 just to use these once a year 1.2470 0.03863 166 130 31 5
791 I’m sorry, Cole. It would just be weird if you wore them. 1.2470 0.04137 166 133 25 8
792 Ugly sweaters are so 20th century 1.2469 0.04295 162 131 22 9
793 I am your present! 1.2468 0.03984 158 124 29 5
794 You know this Fireplace is fake? 1.2468 0.04084 158 125 27 6
795 Think they’ll look good with my little black dress? 1.2468 0.04448 154 125 20 9
796 The washing machine ate one of yours. 1.2468 0.04543 154 126 18 10
797 Oh dear, have I ruined another holiday tradition? 1.2467 0.04328 150 120 23 7
798 This is affecting my mantel health! 1.2467 0.04224 150 119 25 6
799 I saw it on tik tok, okay?? 1.2467 0.04328 150 120 23 7
800 What's wrong - I left you one 1.2465 0.04143 142 111 27 4
801 Because the weather outside is frightful." 1.2464 0.04217 138 108 26 4
802 Last Christmas I gave you my heart, this year the rest of me 1.2463 0.03751 203 163 30 10
803 I hope no one will notice they are mismatched! 1.2458 0.03929 179 143 28 8
804 With all this merrymaking I haven't had time to do laundry. 1.2457 0.04150 175 142 23 10
805 They're not going to stuff themselves 1.2457 0.04150 175 142 23 10
806 Phil told me you have a stocking fetish. 1.2457 0.03905 175 139 29 7
807 Can you believe that Dad still won’t let us turn the thermostat above sixty-eight?! 1.2456 0.04297 171 140 20 11
808 What? Both my feet are cold, okay?? 1.2456 0.03695 171 133 34 4
809 There. Can you still smell my feet? 1.2456 0.03964 171 136 28 7
810 Just keeping my mistletoes warm 1.2455 0.04026 167 133 27 7
811 Well it isn't as silly looking as when you put my mother's menorah on the piano and did your Liberace impression. 1.2454 0.04359 163 133 20 10
812 It beats the tube socks my parents gave me for Hanukah. 1.2454 0.03901 163 128 30 5
813 Why not? The kids have finally moved out. 1.2454 0.04091 163 130 26 7
814 The garland is going to be my garter belt 1.2452 0.04327 155 125 22 8
815 I find that if I break them in, their volume increases measurably. 1.2452 0.04128 155 123 26 6
816 I'm taking the reindeer for a walk 1.2450 0.04303 151 121 23 7
817 I've fallen pretty behind on the laundry. 1.2450 0.03784 200 161 29 10
818 I told you… if they don’t fit, you must acquit. 1.2449 0.04588 147 120 18 9
819 But they were hung with such care.” 1.2448 0.04571 143 116 19 8
820 Wait here. I heard something on the roof. 1.2447 0.03873 188 151 28 9
821 mistle TOE 1.2446 0.04004 184 149 25 10
822 The war on Christmas will not be won with cold feet” 1.2443 0.04049 176 142 25 9
823 I guess you didn't like the Uggs I got you for Christmas. 1.2443 0.03801 176 139 31 6
824 Aren’t they stuffed with what you wished for? 1.2443 0.03885 176 140 29 7
825 The coal keeps me warm. 1.2443 0.04049 176 142 25 9
826 What? I can’t find my slippers. 1.2442 0.04113 172 139 24 9
827 You told me, ‘All I want for Christmas is you.’ 1.2442 0.04275 172 141 20 11
828 I'm giving you everything I've got. 1.2442 0.03767 172 135 32 5
829 Wait 'til you see my shoes. 1.2442 0.04113 172 139 24 9
830 I’ll take them off when you learn how to light the fire. 1.2442 0.03767 172 135 32 5
831 But baby, it’s cold outside. 1.2441 0.04964 127 104 15 8
832 Well, they're also going to the grocery store with care. 1.2440 0.04179 168 136 23 9
833 I’m going to kick them in their 'Season Greetings' asses. 1.2440 0.04346 168 138 19 11
834 I'm goin' in. 1.2440 0.04093 168 135 25 8
835 Peace on Earth" means no boots on the ground. 1.2439 0.04159 164 132 24 8
836 Stockings on the mantle? In THIS economy? 1.2439 0.03975 164 130 28 6
837 Get over it,The kids are grown. 1.2437 0.04039 160 127 27 6
838 They still fit! 1.2437 0.03940 160 126 29 5
839 Socks and stuffers 1.2437 0.04321 160 130 21 9
840 Oh good! They still fit. I try them on every year since our wedding day. 1.2436 0.04670 156 130 14 12
841 Again, Harold, I am the gift you have been waiting for. 1.2436 0.04302 156 126 22 8
842 This is the last time we wash all of our socks at once 1.2436 0.04204 156 125 24 7
843 The kids will never notice. 1.2436 0.04105 156 124 26 6
844 You said I’d look great in a pair of thigh high stockings. 1.2435 0.03802 193 155 29 9
845 My dog chewed up my winter boots. 1.2434 0.04174 152 121 25 6
846 I don’t feel the edibles - should I take more? 1.2434 0.04378 152 123 21 8
847 Nope, no coal 1.2434 0.03927 189 153 26 10
848 I'm appropriating these until you agree to turn the heat up. 1.2432 0.04354 148 119 22 7
849 This is what happens when you refuse to burn fossil fuels during winter, Kevin. 1.2432 0.04560 148 121 18 9
850 They're warm, but they do crunch when I walk 1.2431 0.03810 181 144 30 7
851 Ok Doris, I get it, it’s time to turn on the heat. 1.2429 0.03948 177 142 27 8
852 Reduce, reuse, repurpose. 1.2429 0.04286 140 111 24 5
853 Diane, I have a restraining order. You need to stop stocking me 1.2429 0.04519 140 113 20 7
854 Just til Christmas Eve! They’re more comfy than my Uggs. 1.2429 0.04164 140 110 26 4
855 This proves that Santa could fit way more gifts inside these stockings 1.2429 0.04164 140 110 26 4
856 They are called Uggs. These are Christmas stockings. There is a difference Bob. 1.2429 0.04164 140 110 26 4
857 SINCE YOU ARE ONLY HALF -JEWISH .... 1.2428 0.04331 173 143 18 12
858 What? There's no Santa so I'm repurposing them. 1.2428 0.03923 173 138 28 7
859 I miss my Uggs. 1.2426 0.04366 136 108 23 5
860 I'm a present that comes in two stockings. 1.2426 0.04071 169 136 25 8
861 You do you, but all I want for Christmas is two warm feet. 1.2426 0.03894 169 134 29 6
862 Quick- now you grab those presents from under the tree and we’ll get out of here 1.2426 0.03709 169 132 33 4
863 New boots, Brad. I want new boots for Christmas. 1.2424 0.04046 165 132 26 7
864 These are from the Bernie Sanders Holiday Collection. 1.2424 0.04703 132 107 18 7
865 When interfaith marriage goes wrong. 1.2424 0.04561 165 138 14 13
866 What? You said you found me sexy in stockings. 1.2424 0.04137 165 133 24 8
867 Uh-oh, I don't think these boots are made for walking'. 1.2422 0.04929 128 105 15 8
868 This is the one time of the year where I can find socks to actually fit my uniquely shaped feet. 1.2422 0.04259 128 100 25 3
869 You get to unwrap me at Christmas, lover boy. 1.2420 0.03980 157 124 28 5
870 Yes, Charles, I have been sleeping with Santa and he's waiting for me on the roof. 1.2420 0.04277 157 127 22 8
871 Well then, what DID you mean when you said I should stuff the stockings? 1.2419 0.03966 186 151 25 10
872 Can you explain Christmas to me again? 1.2418 0.04352 153 124 21 8
873 I know, I need to do laundry. 1.2418 0.04352 153 124 21 8
874 Sorry, I'm wrapping your present. 1.2418 0.04352 153 124 21 8
875 And don't even think about re-gifting me! 1.2416 0.04431 149 121 20 8
876 But, they looked so cozy! 1.2416 0.04328 149 120 22 7
877 You’re just planning to give me socks again, so why not? 1.2414 0.04407 145 117 21 7
878 What? I'm cold! 1.2414 0.03817 174 138 30 6
879 Thanks for the air fryer and the digital picture frame; guess I’ll wear these out to dinner tonight. 1.2414 0.04407 145 117 21 7
880 I AM your stocking stuffer! 1.2414 0.03948 145 113 29 3
881 Let’s face it. You were gonna put socks in there anyway. 1.2412 0.03716 199 160 30 9
882 I'm the gift! 1.2412 0.04049 170 137 25 8
883 I forgot to shave my legs. 1.2412 0.04380 170 141 17 12
884 Well, put it on then ... 1.2412 0.03874 170 135 29 6
885 I saw this great laundry hack on TikTok. 1.2410 0.04202 166 135 22 9
886 What?! He's not coming for a few weeks--I'm freezing! 1.2410 0.03839 166 131 30 5
887 Times are tough, Steve. 1.2410 0.04114 166 134 24 8
888 What? . . . . My feet are frozen. 1.2409 0.04459 137 110 21 6
889 These are the only stocking stuffers I can afford. 1.2407 0.04361 162 133 19 10
890 May as well wear them, we can’t afford heat, or stocking stuffers. 1.2407 0.04361 162 133 19 10
891 Frank and Carol never missed a game of hide the mistle-toe. 1.2406 0.04671 133 108 18 7
892 OK, ok.. I will turn up the heat. 1.2406 0.04420 133 106 22 5
893 Honey, it's not Christmas. It's an intervention 1.2403 0.04894 129 106 15 8
894 Ho ho hosiery." 1.2403 0.04126 154 123 25 6
895 Because my feet are cold. 1.2403 0.04022 154 122 27 5
896 You're right, I do feel younger. 1.2403 0.03915 154 121 29 4
897 I found the perfect stocking stuffers! 1.2400 0.03978 150 118 28 4
898 You're confused? Try puting Bombas at the top of your list and receiving a negligee. 1.2400 0.04197 150 120 24 6
899 You've made your point. I'll do the laundry. 1.2400 0.03967 175 141 26 8
900 Santa is going to have to deal with it, my feet are cold. 1.2400 0.03710 175 138 32 5
901 Alright put a sock in it 1.2400 0.04302 150 121 22 7
902 Yes, I'm stocking you. 1.2400 0.04089 150 119 26 5
903 Size matters. 1.2398 0.03942 171 137 27 7
904 What! They're stockings. 1.2397 0.03802 146 113 31 2
905 I got your stocking stuffer right here, big boy. 1.2397 0.04692 146 121 15 10
906 I decided to stuff my own stockings this year. 1.2397 0.04043 146 115 27 4
907 I’m stuffing the stockings this year. 1.2395 0.03723 167 131 32 4
908 So? Since when does fashion sense have to make sense? 1.2395 0.03723 167 131 32 4
909 When I suggested wearing stockings to bed, this wasn't quite what I had in mind. 1.2394 0.04680 142 117 16 9
910 Remember when you said, 'All I want for Christmas is you'? 1.2394 0.04572 142 116 18 8
911 It's laundry day. 1.2393 0.03972 163 130 27 6
912 I see the mistletoe, but I got cold feet. 1.2393 0.04067 163 131 25 7
913 Not as cozy as they look 1.2393 0.04067 163 131 25 7
914 I'll take warmth over presents any day. 1.2391 0.04548 138 112 19 7
915 These stockings were made for walking and that's just what I'll do. 1.2391 0.04775 138 114 15 9
916 Fine, you caught me. I’m Mrs. Claus. 1.2391 0.04548 138 112 19 7
917 You said you were tired of ugly Christmas sweaters. 1.2390 0.04133 159 128 24 7
918 What’s the last one for? 1.2390 0.03936 159 126 28 5
919 Isn't this what you meant when you said "why don't you put some stockings on"? 1.2390 0.03936 159 126 28 5
920 Have you seen my reindeer orthotics? 1.2386 0.04108 176 144 22 10
921 Comfort and Joy? 1.2385 0.04341 130 103 23 4
922 You could have told me you put tubes of super glue as stocking stuffers! 1.2384 0.04478 151 124 18 9
923 I was excited for my stocking stuffers and you didn’t disappoint !! 1.2384 0.03834 172 137 29 6
924 This is what happens when you forget to pay the heating bill. 1.2381 0.03798 168 133 30 5
925 It’s coal or me buster, take your pick! 1.2381 0.04070 168 136 24 8
926 It was at this moment that Bill knew they culturally too dissimilar to have a future. 1.2381 0.04837 126 103 16 7
927 Darling, I hate to tell you this but your campaign to be put on Santa’s “nice” list has suffered a major setback tonight. 1.2381 0.04426 126 100 22 4
928 Well, what are they for, then? 1.2381 0.03780 147 114 31 2
929 Festive Foot Fetish Foreplay 1.2381 0.04704 126 102 18 6
930 Do these stockings make my ankles look fat? 1.2381 0.04353 147 119 21 7
931 I wanted to see if they worked. 1.2378 0.03657 185 147 32 6
932 Carol it’s been 15 years - a little late for cold feet don’t you think? 1.2378 0.03757 164 129 31 4
933 They're orthopedic. 1.2377 0.04807 122 99 17 6
934 Going to get some Christmas garters. 1.2376 0.03599 202 162 32 8
935 You have been a very good boy this year. 1.2376 0.03789 181 145 29 7
936 Holiday UGGs? 1.2374 0.04402 139 112 21 6
937 Well, either knit another sock or light the fire. 1.2374 0.04402 139 112 21 6
938 Oh, you meant fishnet stockings? 1.2374 0.04519 139 113 19 7
939 Only a third of our kids still believe in Santa Claus, like a third of the population believes in Donald Trump. 1.2372 0.04179 156 126 23 7
940 This way nobody will feel compelled to get me socks 1.2372 0.04558 156 130 15 11
941 Well, you can hop, or we can have another kid. 1.2372 0.04277 156 127 21 8
942 OK, I’ll unlock the thermostat, already! 1.2370 0.04233 135 107 24 4
943 Yes, it's cold but this is more of a Cosplay thing. 1.2370 0.04487 135 109 20 6
944 Do my new Uggs look too much like Christmas stockings? 1.2367 0.04134 169 138 22 9
945 Don't be a baby! You can hop on one foot. 1.2367 0.03960 169 136 26 7
946 It's the new ugly Christmas sweater 1.2366 0.04576 131 106 19 6
947 It’s just decorative. 1.2366 0.04703 131 107 17 7
948 You ever wonder if maybe we’re getting this part all wrong? 1.2366 0.04019 186 153 22 11
949 it seems morre carbon neutral than lighting the fire! 1.2365 0.03995 148 117 27 4
950 I'm starting the re-gifting. 1.2365 0.04219 148 119 23 6
951 I only wear sustainable, cruelty free holiday decorations. 1.2365 0.04108 148 118 25 5
952 Open these at midnight. 1.2365 0.03995 148 117 27 4
953 If you weren’t such a tightwad, Harry, we could have a fire in the fireplace and I could wear silk slippers instead. 1.2365 0.04219 148 119 23 6
954 Well you did say “All I want for Christmas is you”… 1.2364 0.04202 165 135 21 9
955 Ugh(s). 1.2363 0.03929 182 148 25 9
956 Office party today. I went as the Ho-Ho ho. 1.2361 0.04180 144 115 24 5
957 Perfect! Lucky thing I was born with two left feet. 1.2360 0.04087 161 130 24 7
958 I guess we know who was naughty and who was nice. 1.2360 0.03893 161 128 28 5
959 No, they don't make you look thinner, but you make the fireplace look asymmetrical. 1.2360 0.03741 178 142 30 6
960 All I want for Christmas is my two warm feet! 1.2358 0.04630 123 99 19 5
961 Don't ask where I've put the mistletoe. 1.2357 0.04489 140 114 19 7
962 But I thought you were all in to sustainability! 1.2357 0.04254 140 112 23 5
963 The lump of coal keeps my feet warm. 1.2357 0.04252 157 128 21 8
964 Can we PLEASE turn on the heat? 1.2357 0.04055 157 126 25 6
965 I was thinking how we might re-imagine Christmas 1.2356 0.03881 174 140 27 7
966 It’s for the annual Xmas costume party; I’m going as a stocking stuffer. 1.2353 0.04017 153 122 26 5
967 Honey, I am giving you the best gift that you already have 1.2353 0.03797 153 120 30 3
968 Let’s three-legged race around the living room while the kids are sleeping. 1.2353 0.05022 119 98 14 7
969 I'll admit it, the stockings were sexier on your birthday. 1.2353 0.05022 119 98 14 7
970 I’m sorry, I thought it was my turn to ruin Christmas 1.2353 0.04074 136 107 26 3
971 These come off when you stop being a grinch about the thermostat. 1.2353 0.04074 136 107 26 3
972 Let's get this party started. 1.2349 0.03908 166 133 27 6
973 I thought he misspoke when he said I had pretty big socks to fill 1.2349 0.04001 166 134 25 7
974 Look, Linda and Nathan Jr. are never coming back. You know this. 1.2349 0.04300 149 121 21 7
975 Warm feet are the best gift of all. 1.2349 0.04300 149 121 21 7
976 You’re ‘Big Foot’? 1.2348 0.04676 115 92 19 4
977 Lacking a sweater ugly enough to win, competitive Cathy decided to change to the paradigm. 1.2348 0.04337 115 90 23 2
978 It’s me… I’m the gift 1.2346 0.04122 179 148 20 11
979 Honey, at some point you really have to do laundry. 1.2346 0.04338 162 134 18 10
980 OUCH. There’s a Lego in this one. 1.2346 0.03871 162 129 28 5
981 I'm taking the kids' 1.2346 0.03969 162 130 26 6
982 It's laundry day and I have a meeting downtown. They will be back up tonight, I promise. 1.2346 0.04064 162 131 24 7
983 « It’s for a meme, alright? » 1.2346 0.03969 162 130 26 6
984 I need to do laundry. 1.2345 0.04486 145 119 18 8
985 Thank You! I love them!! 1.2345 0.04486 145 119 18 8
986 I'll put them back as soon as the kids arrive. 1.2344 0.04365 128 102 22 4
987 Well all I ever get is socks in my stockings 1.2343 0.03861 175 141 27 7
988 Santa comes once a year but my toes have been cold since Thanksgiving. 1.2343 0.04028 175 143 23 9
989 Better than coal. 1.2343 0.03504 175 137 35 3
990 I'm expanding my palette beyond ugly sweaters. 1.2342 0.04131 158 128 23 7
991 What? They’re my duel purpose Christmas Stockings and Fireplace Heated Leg Warmers. 1.2342 0.04322 158 130 19 9
992 Don’t worry; I won’t leave them on until March like last year. 1.2342 0.04032 158 127 25 6
993 If it's like the last 15 years, you were giving me socks anyway. 1.2340 0.04346 141 114 21 6
994 You'd think they come in matching pairs. 1.2338 0.03661 154 120 32 2
995 Yeah, I know it’s weird but what do you expect from us?” “Our eyes and our mouths are on one side of our noses. 1.2335 0.04242 167 138 19 10
996 You wanted me to be more present 1.2333 0.04984 120 99 14 7
997 Seriously honey, you don't have to get me anything for Christmas, its fine. 1.2333 0.04168 150 121 23 6
998 You said I should stuff it 1.2331 0.04760 133 110 15 8
999 No thanks. I’m stuffed. 1.2330 0.04087 176 145 21 10
1000 Nope nothing in this one either 1.2327 0.04010 159 128 25 6
1001 What did you expect? You're a nut about the thermostat. 1.2327 0.03909 159 127 27 5
1002 See? It covers my cast perfectly! 1.2326 0.04472 129 104 20 5
1003 I thought you said all you want for Christmas is me 1.2326 0.04861 129 107 14 8
1004 Clara: Your mother said they were a fire hazard. Steve: She also said we should have gotten divorced ten years ago. 1.2326 0.04069 172 141 22 9
1005 Let’s be honest—nothing I really want fits in them anyway. 1.2323 0.04276 155 127 20 8
1006 I wanna be your stocking stuffer!! 1.2323 0.04177 155 126 22 7
1007 I'm wearing a mistletoe belt in case you're wondering. 1.2321 0.04303 168 140 17 11
1008 I'm getting into the spirit of the true meaning of stockings. 1.2321 0.03773 168 134 29 5
1009 It's the latest in fetish wear. 1.2320 0.03768 181 146 28 7
1010 I left one for you. You know where to put it 1.2320 0.04563 125 101 19 5
1011 Do these stockings make me look fat? 1.2319 0.04633 138 114 16 8
1012 Oddly enough the snowman stocking is warmer than the Christmas tree one. 1.2319 0.04399 138 112 20 6
1013 You're the best stocking gift ever, honey. 1.2319 0.04277 138 111 22 5
1014 Well, then you should have hung them by the chimney with care. 1.2318 0.04452 151 125 17 9
1015 I forgot to take the garbage out 1.2318 0.04249 151 123 21 7
1016 The toy cars hurt a little but the tangerines and chocolate feel pretty nice. 1.2318 0.04249 151 123 21 7
1017 They were on sale 1.2318 0.04249 151 123 21 7
1018 This way I can go one more day before I have to do laundry. 1.2317 0.04020 164 133 24 7
1019 This way I won’t forget to hang them up when we go to bed. 1.2317 0.04020 164 133 24 7
1020 I keep losing my socks in the dryer. 1.2316 0.03822 177 143 27 7
1021 Don't look at me that way. We're Jewish! 1.2313 0.04845 134 112 13 9
1022 Yes, I realize they were hung there with care, but, in this instance, I believe my need for warm feet trumps your need to maintain proper, yuletide etiquette. 1.2313 0.04535 147 122 16 9
1023 I thought you like when I wear stockings. 1.2313 0.04215 147 119 22 6
1024 My podiatrist’s office is having an ugly Christmas sock contest. I’m a shoo-in. 1.2313 0.04535 147 122 16 9
1025 Light the fire - Burn the sox. Wear the sox - Save the sox. Either way I'm warm. 1.2312 0.04180 160 131 21 8
1026 No Gary, I don't mind that you didn't get me UGGs for Christmas. I'm alllll gooooood. 1.2312 0.04085 160 130 23 7
1027 You got me, I'm, Jewish. 1.2312 0.04180 160 131 21 8
1028 Just to emphasize that I’m expecting Santa to knock my socks off! 1.2312 0.04180 160 131 21 8
1029 I didn't feel like doing the laundry. 1.2312 0.03887 160 128 27 5
1030 Looking at the world right now, I opt for cozy. 1.2312 0.03790 173 139 28 6
1031 What? My laundry has an hour left. 1.2308 0.03461 169 132 35 2
1032 It's either these are you turn up the thermostat. 1.2308 0.04291 143 116 21 6
1033 They fit but don't match. 1.2308 0.04096 117 91 25 1
1034 I love the feeling of warm Hershey’s Kisses between my toes. 1.2308 0.04441 130 105 20 5
1035 All my socks are in the dirty clothes hamper. 1.2308 0.04305 130 104 22 4
1036 You're right -- Reese's do melt faster than Almond Roca. 1.2308 0.05205 117 98 11 8
1037 i thought you said stockings were sexy… 1.2308 0.03931 143 113 27 3
1038 I mean… I did say I’d try anything once… 1.2308 0.04404 143 117 19 7
1039 Don't give me that look, Santa's not coming anyway 1.2303 0.04045 178 147 21 10
1040 It was a two for one sale, Dan. I told you to use the coupon. 1.2303 0.03718 178 143 29 6
1041 Since none of our gifts fit in them... 1.2303 0.03998 165 134 24 7
1042 Close, except my request to Santa was ten years younger and fifteen pounds lighter. 1.2303 0.04089 165 135 22 8
1043 They ARE stockings! 1.2303 0.04119 152 123 23 6
1044 Figured I'd put them to good use instead of letting them fill up with coal. 1.2303 0.04012 152 122 25 5
1045 This is one of your odder sexual fantasies 1.2302 0.04714 139 116 14 9
1046 You've driven me to it. Who keeps the thermostat set at 59 degrees? 1.2302 0.04530 126 102 19 5
1047 And just like every year before, mom fills her own stockings. 1.2302 0.04802 126 104 15 7
1048 Well if you’re not going to turn on the heat… 1.2299 0.03943 174 142 24 8
1049 My feet would not be so cold if you had simply lit the fire 1.2298 0.03965 161 130 25 6
1050 Here comes your perfect Christmas present. 1.2298 0.03659 161 127 31 3
1051 I’m tired of fighting over the thermostat. 1.2297 0.03964 148 118 26 4
1052 I thought I would save you the trouble filling them with the usual crap. 1.2297 0.04298 148 121 20 7
1053 Yes, this is a hint. I need new slippers. 1.2297 0.04190 148 120 22 6
1054 Well, we are empty nesters now! 1.2297 0.04507 148 123 16 9
1055 This isn't what I meant by 'put on your stockings' 1.2296 0.04576 135 111 17 7
1056 Looks like you have one leg too many 1.2294 0.04004 170 139 23 8
1057 If you stretch them out you get more gifts! 1.2294 0.04090 170 140 21 9
1058 I thought you said ‘all you wanted for Christmas is me?’ 1.2294 0.04004 170 139 23 8
1059 Look, you can do hygge your way. 1.2294 0.04004 170 139 23 8
1060 I saw a Kardashian wearing them. 1.2292 0.04030 144 115 25 4
1061 It’s okay, these are compression stockings. 1.2292 0.04593 144 120 15 9
1062 I TOLD you they’re SOCKS! 1.2292 0.04148 144 116 23 5
1063 Practical. 1.2292 0.04593 144 120 15 9
1064 Oh you meant those stockings 1.2292 0.04376 144 118 19 7
1065 I'm not hanging them until you either get a fire going or turn up the thermostat. 1.2290 0.04411 131 106 20 5
1066 That’s right. I’M your stocking stuffer this year, babe. 1.2290 0.03991 131 103 26 2
1067 One of us has to get him out of there; and I’m not ruining the Manolos you got me!” 1.2289 0.04067 166 136 22 8
1068 Yes I asked for socks for Christmas; just not these socks. 1.2289 0.04067 166 136 22 8
1069 I forgot about these. You can scratch the Uggs off my Christmas list. 1.2289 0.03976 166 135 24 7
1070 Christmas is the time we should be thinking of… WOAH these are comfy 1.2288 0.04300 153 126 19 8
1071 What? I have bad circulation. 1.2286 0.04342 140 114 20 6
1072 You'll just have to hop. 1.2286 0.04342 140 114 20 6
1073 Santa" never game me the furry slippers I asked for.. 1.2286 0.03752 175 141 28 6
1074 Recession chic 1.2286 0.04098 140 112 24 4
1075 Thanks for nothing. 1.2284 0.03765 197 162 25 10
1076 I was very bad so these would just hang there empty. 1.2284 0.04039 162 132 23 7
1077 We have our Zoom holiday party at work today 1.2284 0.03943 162 131 25 6
1078 I didn't do laundry yesterday, and these were right here, so.... 1.2284 0.03844 162 130 27 5
1079 …. and that’s why you should always buy them in pairs, honey! 1.2284 0.04133 162 133 21 8
1080 What?! I’m just running out to the mailbox. 1.2284 0.03844 162 130 27 5
1081 I'm an atheist. 1.2282 0.04377 149 123 18 8
1082 You already put the oranges in them, didn’t you? 1.2282 0.04054 149 120 24 5
1083 They’re cheaper than uggs 1.2281 0.03806 171 138 27 6
1084 You said you liked me in stockings 1.2279 0.04424 136 111 19 6
1085 Honey, those aren’t exactly the stockings I was hoping to see you in. 1.2278 0.04297 158 131 18 9
1086 Yes-I’ll put them back up by Xmas Eve… 1.2278 0.03926 180 148 23 9
1087 I'm really feeling the Christmas spirit! And the cold. 1.2276 0.03883 145 115 27 3
1088 Keeping my stocking stuffers toasty, that's all. 1.2276 0.04123 145 117 23 5
1089 Baby, it's cold outside. 1.2275 0.03955 167 136 24 7
1090 You’re kidding me! They’re meant to be hung with care? 1.2275 0.03862 167 135 26 6
1091 Get your own, I’m not sharing. 1.2275 0.03955 167 136 24 7
1092 Since these are empty, I'm going out to see if "Santa" left something in the garage! 1.2273 0.04372 154 128 17 9
1093 I guess you'll have to hop. 1.2273 0.03965 154 124 25 5
1094 Go ahead and say Ugg, Mr. Smarty-pants. 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
1095 What? Baby it's cold outside... 1.2273 0.03965 154 124 25 5
1096 Quick! The floor is egg nog. 1.2273 0.03857 154 123 27 4
1097 Look, I got house shoes; what did you get? 1.2270 0.04201 163 135 19 9
1098 Uggs weren’t in the budget, Randy. 1.2270 0.04017 163 133 23 7
1099 Do they make me look too hot? 1.2270 0.04314 141 115 20 6
1100 That one is for Mr. Peyronie's. 1.2267 0.04139 150 122 22 6
1101 Santa likes me naughty. 1.2267 0.04139 150 122 22 6
1102 What? 1.2267 0.04030 150 121 24 5
1103 “Yes, I’m coming, but I’m surprised these stockings are what you had in mind, love.” 1.2266 0.04182 128 102 23 3
1104 My doctor said stockings would help my varicose veins 1.2263 0.04515 137 113 17 7
1105 Guess where I put the tree. 1.2263 0.04515 137 113 17 7
1106 But my mother said wearing stockings really used to turn men on. 1.2262 0.04023 168 138 22 8
1107 It was your turn to do the laundry. 1.2262 0.03933 168 137 24 7
1108 I’d rather be warm than gifted. 1.2262 0.03933 168 137 24 7
1109 All I want for Christmas is for you to appreciate my avant-garde approach to festive fashion. 1.2262 0.04023 168 138 22 8
1110 Sweets in that one, savory treats in these two? 1.2260 0.04430 146 121 17 8
1111 Like you asked, again and again, all you'll get for Christmas is me. 1.2260 0.04211 146 119 21 6
1112 I saw this life hack on TikTok 1.2260 0.03980 146 117 25 4
1113 For the last time, dear, 'ultimate stocking stuffer' is not to be taken literally. 1.2260 0.04045 177 147 20 10
1114 I'm gonna catch him this year on his own turf. 1.2258 0.04837 124 103 14 7
1115 I'm out of here. 1.2258 0.04837 124 103 14 7
1116 If the shoe fits... 1.2258 0.03942 155 125 25 5
1117 These are socks, aren't they? 1.2258 0.03431 186 148 34 4
1118 I'M ALREADY ON THE NAUGHTY LIST. 1.2256 0.04087 164 135 21 8
1119 Just for decor? In THIS economy?! 1.2256 0.04178 164 136 19 9
1120 This is obviously the only way I’ll get anything in my stocking, so… 1.2256 0.03703 164 131 29 4
1121 I feel like you're stocking me. 1.2254 0.04287 142 116 20 6
1122 These are stockings, right!? 1.2254 0.04514 142 118 16 8
1123 All I want for Christmas is for Santa to pay the gas bill….. 1.2252 0.03660 151 119 30 2
1124 Stocking stuffer? I hardly know her! 1.2252 0.04114 151 123 22 6
1125 I'm tired of getting socks for Christmas. 1.2252 0.03779 151 120 28 3
1126 I don’t have an ugly Christmas sweater for the party, but I have these socks. 1.2250 0.04501 120 97 19 4
1127 I'm sorry to upset you, but I'm getting cold feet. 1.2250 0.03650 160 127 30 3
1128 The old traditions are lame and it's cold outside. I'm going shopping 1.2250 0.04058 160 131 22 7
1129 This is how I get Christmas spirit from my head to my toes. 1.2250 0.03960 160 130 24 6
1130 What? You were supposed to start a fire. My feet were cold. 1.2250 0.03757 160 128 28 4
1131 Ugg, I can’t find my boots! 1.2246 0.04485 138 114 17 7
1132 I’m leaving that one hanging by the chimney with care just in case. 1.2246 0.04116 138 111 23 4
1133 No, the weird thing is that I don't wear these all year round. 1.2246 0.04485 138 114 17 7
1134 It’s called fashion Dave, look it up. 1.2245 0.04072 147 119 23 5
1135 I can do the holiday shopping or I can do the laundry, but I can't do both. 1.2245 0.04609 147 124 13 10
1136 I’ve been naughty 1.2245 0.04402 147 122 17 8
1137 I can never find a pair that match. 1.2245 0.04072 147 119 23 5
1138 I'm running away with Santa, and this is how he wants me. 1.2245 0.04185 147 120 21 6
1139 . "All my other socks are dirty." 1.2245 0.04072 147 119 23 5
1140 Can you pass me that necklace as well. 1.2244 0.04125 156 128 21 7
1141 You shouldn't have. 1.2244 0.04321 156 130 17 9
1142 What? Your sock drawer was empty. 1.2244 0.03920 156 126 25 5
1143 If this was a real fireplace, I wouldn't need to wear these! 1.2244 0.03813 156 125 27 4
1144 Coal…really? 1.2242 0.03782 165 133 27 5
1145 Either build a wood fire or you spend Christmas with one very cold foot.” 1.2240 0.04379 125 101 20 4
1146 Well, I sold my only shoes for your gift. 1.2240 0.04379 125 101 20 4
1147 Well, it’s better than an ugly Christmas sweater. 1.2240 0.04524 125 102 18 5
1148 You’ve been seeing Klaus again, haven’t you? 1.2238 0.04373 143 118 18 7
1149 I'll put them back up after I put out the garbage. 1.2238 0.04485 143 119 16 8
1150 A whole new meaning to Stocking Stuffer! 1.2237 0.04090 152 124 22 6
1151 The Missing Sock! 1.2236 0.03838 161 130 26 5
1152 Are these slippers cute or what? 1.2236 0.04131 161 133 20 8
1153 Stockings? No, these are my new Christmas UGGS. 1.2236 0.04035 161 132 22 7
1154 I’m too lazy to do laundry right now 1.2235 0.03924 179 148 22 9
1155 Someone needs to let Santa in. 1.2231 0.04619 121 99 17 5
1156 My mistletoe is cold. 1.2231 0.04793 130 109 13 8
1157 I couldn’t find any matches 1.2231 0.04404 130 106 19 5
1158 It’s my new decarbonization strategy. 1.2230 0.04048 148 120 23 5
1159 … And I should have married a man that knows how to start a fire… 1.2230 0.04375 148 123 17 8
1160 Carol was surprised that Nick even cared. 1.2230 0.04160 148 121 21 6
1161 And this is the foot I'm going to use to kick your ass. 1.2229 0.04101 157 129 21 7
1162 I thought they were holiday-themed Uggs. 1.2229 0.04001 157 128 23 6
1163 Well, you wanted our stockings to be full this year. 1.2229 0.03569 157 124 31 2
1164 Call me greedy. I'm stretching them out. 1.2229 0.04296 157 131 17 9
1165 Babe, this year, your present, you're looking at it. 1.2229 0.04042 166 137 21 8
1166 We should lower kids' expectations a bit 1.2229 0.03815 175 143 25 7
1167 Did you put Legos in Junior’s stocking?! 1.2222 0.04543 135 112 16 7
1168 Your culture frightens and confuses me. 1.2222 0.04107 162 134 20 8
1169 Don’t worry, on December 26th they’re back in the attic. 1.2222 0.04293 135 110 20 5
1170 For naughty kids, they say the smell is more effective than coal. 1.2222 0.04663 135 113 14 8
1171 They’re warmer than plastic bread bags. 1.2222 0.04346 144 119 18 7
1172 I decided to fill my own damned stockings this year. 1.2222 0.04013 162 133 22 7
1173 You were only getting coal anyway. 1.2222 0.03689 171 138 28 5
1174 These are not too sheer, are they? 1.2222 0.03594 171 137 30 4
1175 What? My one-legged ex-husband and I wore these for years. 1.2222 0.04066 153 125 22 6
1176 Wow, that eggnog was…wow. 1.2222 0.04560 117 95 18 4
1177 But they're COLD! 1.2222 0.03959 153 124 24 5
1178 I guess we should buy one more 1.2222 0.03817 162 131 26 5
1179 The stockings were hung by the chimney with care Until Marcia wore them everywhere. 1.2222 0.04027 135 108 24 3
1180 Dear, I don't think you can put off doing the laundry any longer. 1.2216 0.03543 167 133 31 3
1181 Hey, if the shoe fits... 1.2216 0.03741 167 135 27 5
1182 maybe now you’ll light the fire, John. 1.2215 0.03769 158 127 27 4
1183 So, light the damn fire! 1.2215 0.04023 149 121 23 5
1184 I guess I’m a stocking stuffer. 1.2215 0.03909 149 120 25 4
1185 Why? Because you’re too cheap to turn up the heat! 1.2215 0.04023 149 121 23 5
1186 I thought you said I was your greatest gift? 1.2215 0.03791 149 119 27 3
1187 Too much egg nog again, Margaret? 1.2215 0.04134 149 122 21 6
1188 I promise it’s just cold feet 1.2215 0.04134 149 122 21 6
1189 Next year, we go back to doing Elf on the Shelf, okay?? 1.2214 0.04309 140 115 19 6
1190 They’re all the rage this year. 1.2214 0.04238 131 106 21 4
1191 I always wanted stocking feet for Christmas. 1.2214 0.04506 131 108 17 6
1192 I heard if you click your heels together three times you end up in the North Pole 1.2214 0.04635 131 109 15 7
1193 Are you sure that's’ all you want for Christmas? 1.2213 0.04434 122 99 19 4
1194 Now put me up on the fireplace, I'm gonna catch the guy in the red suit red handed. 1.2213 0.04584 122 100 17 5
1195 I filled two stockings. 1.2209 0.03990 163 134 22 7
1196 This is what happens when you won't turn up the thermostat 1.2209 0.03894 163 133 24 6
1197 I will do anything to avoid doing laundry. 1.2209 0.03796 163 132 26 5
1198 Just what I need for New York Fashion Week. 1.2208 0.04346 154 129 16 9
1199 You ask for sexy stockings, I'll meet you halfway. 1.2208 0.04042 154 126 22 6
1200 Looks like you're going to have to hop on one foot 1.2208 0.03936 154 125 24 5
1201 Let's get naked! 1.2208 0.04346 154 129 16 9
1202 You're right. I should have taken the coal out first. 1.2208 0.03936 154 125 24 5
1203 If you would light the damned fire, I wouldn't have to wear these. 1.2207 0.03972 145 117 24 4
1204 Well someone has to climb up there and unstick him! 1.2206 0.04390 136 112 18 6
1205 Well turn on the fireplace and I might not be so cold! 1.2206 0.04264 136 111 20 5
1206 You deal with our empty nest your way, I’ll deal with it my way. 1.2206 0.04390 136 112 18 6
1207 Wreather Madness 1.2206 0.04390 136 112 18 6
1208 People have been wearing these on TikTok 1.2206 0.04264 136 111 20 5
1209 I can feel the Christmas sprit spreading from head to toe. 1.2205 0.04598 127 105 16 6
1210 I'll go shovel the roof. 1.2203 0.04193 118 94 22 2
1211 It’s the historically accurate way to use them, Greg. 1.2203 0.04683 118 97 16 5
1212 Aside from the oranges and lumps of coal, they’re super comfortable. 1.2203 0.04362 118 95 20 3
1213 Doesn't that 'de- feet" the purpose? 1.2201 0.04246 159 133 17 9
1214 Okay…I’ve always wanted to do this! 1.2200 0.03999 150 122 23 5
1215 They are stockings, right? My feet are cold. 1.2200 0.04217 150 124 19 7
1216 I think the cat might've already hung something with care. 1.2200 0.04109 150 123 21 6
1217 What? It’s hard to find festive wide-calf stockings! 1.2200 0.03768 150 120 27 3
1218 Are they naughty or nice? 1.2199 0.04038 141 114 23 4
1219 Until you agree to turn up the heat, these are my stocking stuffers. 1.2199 0.04161 141 115 21 5
1220 I thought a visual might get the point across that I'm tired of getting slippers every year. 1.2199 0.04281 141 116 19 6
1221 Oh, please. Hang it up. 1.2199 0.04161 141 115 21 5
1222 It was the only clean pair I could find. 1.2197 0.04475 132 109 17 6
1223 What? I didn't have a childhood. 1.2197 0.04344 132 108 19 5
1224 ‘Twas the eggnog before Xmas. 1.2197 0.04475 132 109 17 6
1225 Can you help me with the groceries? 1.2195 0.04551 123 101 17 5
1226 Do these look ok? I forgot to buy an ugly Christmas sweater for the office party 1.2195 0.04551 123 101 17 5
1227 You can go stuff yourself 1.2194 0.04222 155 129 18 8
1228 I am gifted, John. 1.2194 0.04121 155 128 20 7
1229 Be patient and wait for your turn, George. 1.2194 0.03913 155 126 24 5
1230 Can we please light a fire? 1.2192 0.03700 146 116 28 2
1231 I know it, someone needs to do the laundry. 1.2192 0.03947 146 118 24 4
1232 I'm leaving you Johnny. 1.2192 0.04180 146 120 20 6
1233 Balenciaga charges thousands for these 1.2192 0.04506 146 123 14 9
1234 Your text said, “Put on something sexy, I’ll be home in 20.” Was this not what you meant? 1.2192 0.04400 146 122 16 8
1235 It's treatment for the agony of de feet. 1.2190 0.04107 137 111 22 4
1236 I thought you said all you wanted for Christmas was me. 1.2190 0.03837 137 109 26 2
1237 I never liked you. 1.2188 0.04404 160 136 13 11
1238 You said I’m your best Christmas present. 1.2188 0.04031 160 132 21 7
1239 Either you relent and we turn on the heat, or I keep wearing them. 1.2185 0.04085 151 124 21 6
1240 Warm feet ARE the spirit of Christmas. 1.2185 0.04191 151 125 19 7
1241 If you wanted a pair, you shouldn't have had the vasectomy. 1.2185 0.04191 151 125 19 7
1242 It’s on TikTok!” #xmassock 1.2185 0.04191 151 125 19 7
1243 Why would I wear the wreath? 1.2185 0.04491 119 97 18 4
1244 I refuse to be barefoot and pregnant on Christmas. 1.2184 0.03896 174 144 22 8
1245 Andy Borowitz would have a good line for this drawing! 1.2184 0.03810 174 143 24 7
1246 I thought I'd share athlete's foot this season. 1.2183 0.04135 142 116 21 5
1247 Think of me as Santa, and I am filling your stockings... 1.2183 0.04483 142 119 15 8
1248 Your turn! Put the third one on wherever you want 1.2183 0.04370 142 118 17 7
1249 We could make a three-legged race our new Christmas tradition. 1.2183 0.04254 142 117 19 6
1250 I’ve been exploring alternative therapies for seasonal depression. 1.2182 0.05227 110 93 10 7
1251 In my opinion, the kids' greatest gift is me. 1.2180 0.04694 133 112 13 8
1252 This is what happens when it's YOUR turn to do the laundry and you don't! 1.2180 0.04444 133 110 17 6
1253 We’ll share them. 1.2180 0.04180 133 108 21 4
1254 I’m starting a new tradition. 1.2179 0.03890 156 127 24 5
1255 I didn't fully understand the consequences of having one child 1.2179 0.04097 156 129 20 7
1256 You’re the one that wants to keep the thermostat down to save money! 1.2179 0.03890 156 127 24 5
1257 This will beat any sweater at the party! 1.2179 0.03995 156 128 22 6
1258 If it doesn’t fit, you must acquit. 1.2177 0.04517 124 102 17 5
1259 ..... or would you rather have coal? 1.2177 0.04660 124 103 15 6
1260 your present is inbetween 1.2177 0.04373 147 123 16 8
1261 I don’t care if your mother did make these by hand — 1.2177 0.04154 147 121 20 6
1262 What? I'm upcycling. 1.2176 0.03866 170 140 23 7
1263 Why not? By the time you finish the bottle of eggnog you'll be wearing the Christmas tree. 1.2174 0.04416 115 93 19 3
1264 "I just found out how an old and stale Christmas Cookie crumbles." 1.2174 0.04080 138 112 22 4
1265 They’re Christmas compression stockings 1.2174 0.04749 115 95 15 5
1266 Yup. Now put on the third one. 1.2174 0.04452 138 115 16 7
1267 I prefer practical gifts. 1.2174 0.04240 115 92 21 2
1268 Why try? I’m the best gift you’re ever gonna get 1.2174 0.03910 161 132 23 6
1269 I heard that because of Santa's diabetes he had to have one leg amputated. 1.2168 0.04563 143 121 13 9
1270 If you let me turn the heat up, I wouldn't have to resort to this... 1.2168 0.04342 143 119 17 7
1271 All I want for Christmas is my two front feet. 1.2168 0.04454 143 120 15 8
1272 No one will guess that they are orthotics! 1.2167 0.04761 120 100 14 6
1273 I wear the stockings in this family. 1.2164 0.04661 134 113 13 8
1274 Well since YOU won’t give me a footrub… 1.2162 0.04016 148 121 22 5
1275 This one feels like oranges. 1.2162 0.04016 148 121 22 5
1276 They keep my feet warm, but I tend to melt the chocolate. 1.2162 0.03899 148 120 24 4
1277 Beverly came up with a clever way to remind Tom that slippers were on her gift wish list. 1.2162 0.04128 148 122 20 6
1278 And you can be the naughty boy that can’t wait to open your gifts. 1.2162 0.04450 148 125 14 9
1279 Yeah but they’re still socks. 1.2162 0.03899 148 120 24 4
1280 What choice do I have? You won't light the fireplace and my feet are cold. 1.2160 0.03789 162 132 25 5
1281 Behold the world's cutest stocking stuffer. 1.2160 0.04174 162 136 17 9
1282 Straight off the catwalk in Milan, the salesperson said. 1.2160 0.04626 125 104 15 6
1283 You can roast your chestnuts on the open fire for all I care. 1.2160 0.04484 125 103 17 5
1284 He married a nice Jewish girl this year. She'll get the hang of it. 1.2158 0.04181 139 114 20 5
1285 The beauty is, you get to choose which foot. 1.2158 0.04303 139 115 18 6
1286 This takes on a new meaning of put a sock on it. 1.2158 0.04423 139 116 16 7
1287 Should I hang these on the mantle, or are your toes still cold? 1.2157 0.03703 153 123 27 3
1288 Did I complain when you put twenty-five inflated Santas in the front yard? 1.2157 0.04244 153 128 17 8
1289 I don't think the children will miss these. Do you? 1.2155 0.04550 116 95 17 4
1290 Sorry honey, I’ve got cold feet…. 1.2154 0.03935 130 104 24 2
1291 It's such a waste to only use perfectly good stockings one day per year. 1.2153 0.04083 144 118 21 5
1292 Okay, I'm headed up see what's going down 1.2153 0.03962 144 117 23 4
1293 This is what happens when you do the laundry YOUR way, Tom. 1.2153 0.04083 144 118 21 5
1294 ‘Do you think these will run?’ 1.2153 0.03962 144 117 23 4
1295 Well, if we're not going to have a fire... 1.2152 0.03846 158 129 24 5
1296 The only promotion better than a twofer is a threefer. 1.2152 0.04148 158 132 18 8
1297 Quit whining. Learn how to hop. 1.2149 0.04868 121 102 12 7
1298 What?! They're literally called stockings. 1.2149 0.04265 121 98 20 3
1299 I was afraid that coal would ruin the white fur. 1.2148 0.03988 135 109 23 3
1300 Wait 'til you see where I put the other one! 1.2148 0.04384 135 112 17 6
1301 Looks like Santa put me in your stockings. Guess I’m your gift again. 1.2148 0.04124 135 110 21 4
1302 No, it's my turn to stalk him. 1.2148 0.04508 135 113 15 7
1303 I didn't want to start the fire. 1.2148 0.04256 135 111 19 5
1304 Andre, I looked at your search history. I now know what you want. 1.2148 0.04384 135 112 17 6
1305 Well, at least that saves me a few bucks on candy this year. 1.2148 0.03991 149 122 22 5
1306 Ok fine, I'll turn up the thermostat. 1.2148 0.03991 149 122 22 5
1307 Honey, where’s my other one? 1.2148 0.04103 149 123 20 6
1308 Or we can light the fire. 1.2143 0.04028 140 114 22 4
1309 This is me saying I am the gift, that money is too tight for me to offer anything but my love, that we must offer support where we once traded presents. And, okay, yes, my eyes are so tiny I mistook these for my shoes. I can’t see shit. 1.2143 0.04509 140 118 14 8
1310 'Victoria's secret? She's married to Santa.' 1.2143 0.03898 140 113 24 3
1311 It's no sillier than you with the olives on your fingers at Thanksgiving. 1.2143 0.04275 140 116 18 6
1312 That’s “care” NOT “wear!” 1.2143 0.04288 112 90 20 2
1313 You said you wanted me to slip into something more comfortable… 1.2143 0.04452 126 104 17 5
1314 ‘Hung by the chimney with care…’ Whatever. This year I’m all about self care.” 1.2143 0.04157 126 102 21 3
1315 You said all you wanted for Christmas was me 1.2138 0.03926 159 131 22 6
1316 Either chop more wood or set the thermostat up to 68. 1.2137 0.04056 131 106 22 3
1317 So...I left yours up! 1.2137 0.03908 131 105 24 2
1318 The real gift is warm toes 1.2137 0.03908 131 105 24 2
1319 All I want for Christmas are two big feet. 1.2137 0.04198 131 107 20 4
1320 It’s all about reduce, reuse, recycle. 1.2137 0.04198 131 107 20 4
1321 What? I wanted to see if they fit. 1.2137 0.04599 131 110 14 7
1322 Nietzsche Christmas 1.2137 0.04514 117 96 17 4
1323 Honey, I appreciate the effort, but this isn't quite what I had in mind when I suggested we spice things up. 1.2137 0.04830 117 98 13 6
1324 I suppose you’re wondering what happened to the candle that was up there. 1.2137 0.04980 117 99 11 7
1325 Didn't you say that all you wanted for Christmas was me? 1.2135 0.03816 178 148 22 8
1326 I deserve two stockings, I'm a Mom. 1.2134 0.03942 164 136 21 7
1327 Why hang them by the chimney with care when I’ve got cold feet? 1.2133 0.04594 150 129 10 11
1328 Are they on the right feet? 1.2132 0.04478 136 114 15 7
1329 And you accused me of getting cold feet when we first met. 1.2132 0.04355 136 113 17 6
1330 So I greased the chimney and Santa's head will be mounted on that wreath. Then you will be the next Kris Kringle, Eugene. 1.2130 0.04293 169 145 12 12
1331 Just leave them hanging there? In this economy? 1.2130 0.03769 169 139 24 6
1332 I thought I’d better practice for the Christmas strip show at your work party tomorrow night”. 1.2129 0.03989 155 128 21 6
1333 Honey! These boots were made for STOCKING. Get it? 1.2128 0.04480 141 119 14 8
1334 Turn up the heat or next I light the wreath on fire. 1.2128 0.04480 141 119 14 8
1335 This is the only way I will fill these this year. 1.2128 0.04365 141 118 16 7
1336 I need socks more than I need the kids believing in a giant guy in a red suit breaking into peoples’ houses and giving them stuff. 1.2128 0.03740 141 113 26 2
1337 Mom takes additional measures to ensure her stocking is not empty again this year 1.2128 0.04127 141 116 20 5
1338 At least something's getting stuffed this year, Greg. 1.2128 0.04248 141 117 18 6
1339 I’m noodling for Swedish Fish. 1.2128 0.04248 141 117 18 6
1340 Yours isn't for the foot, Tiger. 1.2126 0.04420 127 105 17 5
1341 Santa who? 1.2126 0.04559 127 106 15 6
1342 ...so why are they called stockings? 1.2126 0.04276 127 104 19 4
1343 The stockings were hung by the chimney with care, I slipped them on to ward off the cold air. 1.2126 0.04276 127 104 19 4
1344 It was gonna be socks anyway. This just cuts out the middle man. 1.2126 0.03973 127 102 23 2
1345 I can't get them off! 1.2124 0.04254 113 91 20 2
1346 Take this as a strong hint about me wanting slippers for Christmas. 1.2124 0.04611 113 93 16 4
1347 Haven't you always wanted to do this?! 1.2123 0.04148 146 121 19 6
1348 You said I’m all you want for Christmas … 1.2123 0.03797 179 149 22 8
1349 I don't want you to see my feet. I've got missle-toes. 1.2121 0.04028 132 107 22 3
1350 It’s laundry day, you can enjoy walking on the cold floor barefoot. 1.2121 0.04028 132 107 22 3
1351 So the kid won’t hear “Santa” carrying all the presents past his bedroom door! 1.2121 0.04028 132 107 22 3
1352 I'm stuffing them, why? 1.2121 0.04169 132 108 20 4
1353 I stalked you before, I’m stocking you now. Deal with it. 1.2121 0.04306 132 109 18 5
1354 didn’t you say to keep the dogs inside ? 1.2121 0.04028 132 107 22 3
1355 Okay. You can buy yourself some new winter boots. 1.2119 0.04161 151 126 18 7
1356 Just doing my part to reduce places where we use coal! 1.2119 0.04315 118 96 19 3
1357 I, um… thought I had the house to myself tonight… 1.2119 0.04315 118 96 19 3
1358 Uh, I ate a gummy at lunch. 1.2119 0.04792 118 99 13 6
1359 I had a run in my other stockings. 1.2117 0.04200 137 113 19 5
1360 These days, you have to get the most out of every dollar you spend. 1.2117 0.04070 137 112 21 4
1361 Why did you only hang one up? Where’s your other stocking? 1.2117 0.04326 137 114 17 6
1362 Because I’m a millennial, and ugly sweaters are so Gen X. 1.2115 0.04068 156 130 19 7
1363 The coal cleans my nail fungus. 1.2115 0.03860 156 128 23 5
1364 Fine, we can hang them up, but you have to turn on the heater now 1.2115 0.03751 156 127 25 4
1365 It’s me. Hi. I’m your present- it’s me. 1.2115 0.05053 104 87 12 5
1366 I can take hint. So you need some new socks. 1.2114 0.04203 123 100 20 3
1367 I'm into instant gratification. 1.2114 0.04358 123 101 18 4
1368 What? All of mine are in the laundry. 1.2114 0.04509 123 102 16 5
1369 It make very little sense to leave them empty until Christmas eve. 1.2114 0.04358 123 101 18 4
1370 I'm going to start a new tradition. 1.2113 0.03849 142 115 24 3
1371 Put them back before She comes. 1.2113 0.03977 142 116 22 4
1372 Bare feet are not a winter option. 1.2112 0.03569 161 130 28 3
1373 I told you last year I wanted new socks. 1.2112 0.03677 161 131 26 4
1374 I always thought it said, ‘by the chimney with Claire’. 1.2110 0.04713 109 90 15 4
1375 How soon do you think I can get on Shark Tank? 1.2110 0.05061 109 92 11 6
1376 It's the latest trend with the 1%. 1.2110 0.04890 109 91 13 5
1377 Today's laundry day. 1.2109 0.04246 128 105 19 4
1378 I think Santa would prefer cookies. 1.2109 0.04098 128 104 21 3
1379 TikTok said these were a dupe for Uggs. 1.2109 0.04098 128 104 21 3
1380 Well, if you'd let me light a fire. 1.2109 0.03889 147 120 23 4
1381 I’ll take them off before Christmas eve. 1.2109 0.04122 147 122 19 6
1382 I got them from the attic. My hands were full. 1.2109 0.04007 147 121 21 5
1383 Put a sock in it. 1.2108 0.04256 166 142 13 11
1384 Wait til you see the matching garter belt? 1.2105 0.04276 133 110 18 5
1385 Maybe you'd have two stockings yourself if you helped with the laundry when I asked. 1.2105 0.04029 152 126 20 6
1386 I'm getting a little behind with my laundry! 1.2105 0.04276 133 110 18 5
1387 Yes, Steve, I’m still cold 1.2105 0.04574 114 94 16 4
1388 Well, at least you haven't got three feet. 1.2101 0.03772 138 111 25 2
1389 We need to have one more kid 1.2101 0.04297 138 115 17 6
1390 Now I know how Mrs. Claus feels. 1.2101 0.04172 138 114 19 5
1391 Now that we're empty nesters, I figured I could upcycle these. 1.2101 0.03910 138 112 23 3
1392 They go well with my holiday sweater. 1.2101 0.04902 119 101 11 7
1393 Honey those weren’t the stocking I was talking about 1.2100 0.04777 100 82 15 3
1394 Look, Hon, I know what's on your mind, but I've got cold feet. 1.2098 0.03951 143 117 22 4
1395 The stalemate over laundry folding has gone far enough. 1.2097 0.04475 124 103 16 5
1396 People who insist on the 'no shoe rule' are usually so thoughtless. 1.2097 0.04620 124 104 14 6
1397 They fit perfectly. 1.2097 0.04172 124 101 20 3
1398 I paid $80 a piece for these suckers, you better believe this is happening 1.2097 0.04620 124 104 14 6
1399 It's a hint, Greg. I want someone to fill me instead of drain me once in a while. 1.2095 0.05008 105 88 12 5
1400 The coal helps with my toe fungus. 1.2095 0.03983 148 122 21 5
1401 Oh, alright. I'll put your's back up. 1.2095 0.03983 148 122 21 5
1402 What am I, chopped liver?" Thought the third stocking 1.2091 0.04674 110 91 15 4
1403 I have a stocking fetish. 1.2091 0.04674 110 91 15 4
1404 If you need me, I’ll be on the couch under the tree skirt. 1.2090 0.04247 134 111 18 5
1405 Because you've been a good boy... 1.2090 0.03974 134 109 22 3
1406 You weren't going to put anything in them anyway 1.2089 0.03919 158 131 21 6
1407 I saw it on TikTok. 1.2087 0.04703 115 96 14 5
1408 Money’s tight dear, these are considered dual purpose. 1.2087 0.04703 115 96 14 5
1409 You should have deleted your search history. 1.2086 0.04145 139 115 19 5
1410 I'm a utilitarian Christian. 1.2086 0.04389 139 117 15 7
1411 We all know I’m the real gift in this family Burt 1.2086 0.04145 139 115 19 5
1412 No more lighting fires? Then I’m repurposing these puppies! 1.2083 0.04082 120 97 21 2
1413 I think you’re putting it on the wrong foot. 1.2083 0.04048 144 119 20 5
1414 What?! TikTok said this is rizz. 1.2083 0.04167 144 120 18 6
1415 It's beginning to smell a lot like Christmas. 1.2083 0.04048 144 119 20 5
1416 Maureen, did you put my keys in the refrigerator? 1.2083 0.04412 120 99 17 4
1417 You told me to get into the Christmas spirit Carl. 1.2083 0.04250 120 98 19 3
1418 You said I was a gift didn’t you? 1.2083 0.04048 144 119 20 5
1419 Yes, I am Jewish. Why? 1.2081 0.03958 149 123 21 5
1420 LL Bean has outdone it this year. 1.2081 0.04181 149 125 17 7
1421 Relax, it’s just until our socks come out of the dryer. 1.2081 0.03958 149 123 21 5
1422 Now that we’ve murdered the family, let’s steal their stockings. 1.2081 0.04594 149 129 9 11
1423 Ok, OK! I'll turn on the heat! 1.2080 0.04142 125 102 20 3
1424 I’m pregnant 1.2080 0.04586 125 105 14 6
1425 They're nice, but now I have to get a matching purse. 1.2078 0.03873 154 127 22 5
1426 I’ll be d*mned if I catch a cold this year while waiting for you to do the laundry. 1.2078 0.03981 154 128 20 6
1427 I'm your present this year, honey---get it? 1.2077 0.04462 130 109 15 6
1428 Keep looking at me like that and I’m using the nutcracker next. 1.2077 0.04186 130 107 19 4
1429 I needed to warm up my misteltoes. 1.2077 0.04594 130 110 13 7
1430 The therapist suggested I be more present with you Bob...so I'm trying, really ...I am 1.2077 0.04462 130 109 15 6
1431 No gifts this year. Elon Musk just acquired the North Pole. 1.2075 0.04780 106 88 14 4
1432 If it were a real fireplace, our feet wouldn't be cold. 1.2075 0.03577 159 129 27 3
1433 Linda, you do this every year, and every year I tell you the same thing: you're turning me on. 1.2075 0.04589 106 87 16 3
1434 We have lost too many socks to the dryer. 1.2075 0.03793 159 131 23 5
1435 Yes, I am your present! 1.2074 0.03948 135 110 22 3
1436 Is this your way of asking for slippers this year? 1.2074 0.04085 135 111 20 4
1437 I forgot to pack any socks! 1.2074 0.03948 135 110 22 3
1438 Dashing through the snow again,my love? 1.2074 0.04085 135 111 20 4
1439 All I want for Christmas is my two feet warm. 1.2074 0.04085 135 111 20 4
1440 It may be Christmas, but I’m still an alcoholic 1.2074 0.04473 135 114 14 7
1441 When I said "fill it", I meant with Christmas goodies. 1.2071 0.04118 140 116 19 5
1442 How about turning up the heat? 1.2071 0.03584 140 112 27 1
1443 Feet are the best stocking stuffer. 1.2071 0.03860 140 114 23 3
1444 I guess I miscounted. 1.2071 0.04241 140 117 17 6
1445 i feel like you’re trampling on my beliefs 1.2071 0.03991 140 115 21 4
1446 I put my foot in it again! 1.2069 0.03777 145 118 24 3
1447 It fits! 1.2069 0.04502 116 96 16 4
1448 Wait 'till you see what's on the inside of this stocking! 1.2069 0.03648 145 117 26 2
1449 These are the only stockings you're seeing me in until you stop turning down the thermostat." 1.2069 0.04502 116 96 16 4
1450 Just until you get that fire going. 1.2067 0.03819 150 123 23 4
1451 Sorry. Maybe there'll be an extra one under the tree for you. 1.2067 0.03700 150 122 25 3
1452 Socks still fit after all these years. 1.2067 0.04046 150 125 19 6
1453 I'm wearing these till you learn how to make a fire 1.2067 0.04155 150 126 17 7
1454 Is that a hint to light the fire? 1.2066 0.04378 121 100 17 4
1455 Sorry,slowpoke. Your turn to just wear one. 1.2066 0.04533 121 101 15 5
1456 Climate change. 1.2066 0.04218 121 99 19 3
1457 Why do the holidays always have to be about you? 1.2066 0.04533 121 101 15 5
1458 Dang it, they're two left stockings AGAIN! 1.2066 0.04218 121 99 19 3
1459 You always cheat at strip poker. 1.2065 0.03740 155 127 24 4
1460 You got them a size too small. 1.2063 0.04410 126 105 16 5
1461 Thanks for getting me down off the mantle. 1.2063 0.04410 126 105 16 5
1462 I just got tired of waiting for you to shovel the driveway 1.2063 0.04410 126 105 16 5
1463 I told you I would be stuffing the stockings this year. 1.2063 0.04552 126 106 14 6
1464 His 'Safe Word' is "Coal" 1.2063 0.04410 126 105 16 5
1465 It’s for the ugly socks party at the office. 1.2063 0.04261 160 137 13 10
1466 Are you ready to unwrap this stocking stuffer? 1.2063 0.03975 160 134 19 7
1467 You better not shout, Kevin 1.2063 0.03875 160 133 21 6
1468 I'll put em back when he gets here, my feet are cold. 1.2061 0.04157 131 108 19 4
1469 Because the deluxe play kitchen and Barbie's dreamhouse will be a tight fit. 1.2061 0.04688 131 112 11 8
1470 Well, at least they're filled! 1.2061 0.04431 131 110 15 6
1471 We're late. Just put on your ugly sweater, the wreath and stocking and let's go. 1.2061 0.04296 131 109 17 5
1472 I couldn't help myself; they are so well hung. 1.2061 0.04431 131 110 15 6
1473 These are the only boots I was able to afford this year 1.2061 0.04296 131 109 17 5
1474 You are aspirational. I am practical. 1.2059 0.04190 136 113 18 5
1475 They're cozy, but I'd prefer them without mixed nuts. 1.2059 0.04443 136 115 14 7
1476 Ew! I just stepped in a Peep. 1.2059 0.04318 136 114 16 6
1477 All I want for Christmas is my own two feet! 1.2059 0.04318 136 114 16 6
1478 You give me socks every year, I’m cutting out the middle man. 1.2059 0.04058 136 112 20 4
1479 New tradition: not freezing my %*#$ing toes off 1.2057 0.04331 141 119 15 7
1480 What? We aren’t Christians. 1.2057 0.04091 141 117 19 5
1481 Don’t you dare kink shame me after that sh*t you pulled at thanksgiving 1.2057 0.04213 141 118 17 6
1482 They're cheaper than pantyhose! 1.2056 0.04922 107 90 12 5
1483 The more stockings you hang up the more gifts you get. 1.2055 0.03754 146 119 24 3
1484 Don't worry hon, they're all for you because you have two left feet. 1.2055 0.04445 146 125 12 9
1485 Who knew? 1.2054 0.04769 112 94 13 5
1486 Go get several more hooks for our pants, shirts, and underwear 1.2053 0.03910 151 125 21 5
1487 Victoria Secret’s stocking collection was pretty literal this Christmas. 1.2053 0.03910 151 125 21 5
1488 This way he can’t put coal in them. 1.2053 0.03910 151 125 21 5
1489 Maybe if I wear them, the kids won't notice that they're empty. 1.2053 0.04130 151 127 17 7
1490 it's your tradition, don't look at me. 1.2051 0.03606 156 127 26 3
1491 What? It’s the latest trend. 1.2051 0.04140 156 132 16 8
1492 This is why you ask guests to take their shoes off? 1.2051 0.04140 156 132 16 8
1493 It’s precautionary. We have too much coal as it is. 1.2050 0.03646 161 132 25 4
1494 Santa doesn't exist, and these things are warm. 1.2049 0.04187 122 100 19 3
1495 Now will you look at me with a childlike sense of wonder and anticipation? 1.2049 0.04647 122 103 13 6
1496 I'm coal'd 1.2047 0.04378 127 106 16 5
1497 Once the fireplace is lit, they'll be rehung with care. 1.2047 0.04378 127 106 16 5
1498 My Uggs were getting a little stinky. 1.2047 0.04788 127 109 10 8
1499 The holidays are really taking a toll on my mantle health. 1.2047 0.04655 127 108 12 7
1500 Hung with care, my ass. 1.2045 0.04778 132 114 9 9
1501 We’ll, why did you think we deck the halls *before* we don we now our gay apparel? 1.2045 0.03986 132 108 21 3
1502 Aren't your feet cold? 1.2044 0.04289 137 115 16 6
1503 Start the fire or walk around with one bare foot. It's your choice. 1.2042 0.04186 142 119 17 6
1504 My feet are cold, that’s why. 1.2041 0.04201 147 124 16 7
1505 This one must be mom's because it's empty. 1.2041 0.04522 147 127 10 10
1506 Don't be sad. There's still one left. 1.2039 0.04210 152 129 15 8
1507 For once I am going to get my money's worth! 1.2037 0.04315 108 88 18 2
1508 I saw your search history and it saved me a lot of time 1.2037 0.04120 162 138 15 9
1509 I have to take out the trash but I left my shoes upstairs. 1.2037 0.04699 108 90 14 4
1510 They sure don't feel like stockings. 1.2033 0.04156 123 101 19 3
1511 I don't want to hear about your chestnuts, Dave. just light the fire, please, I'm cold. 1.2033 0.04465 123 103 15 5
1512 I’ve never heard of a stockings fetish, but hey, tis the season 1.2033 0.04313 123 102 17 4
1513 Eh, a little snug. Do we have any size 7’s in the attic? 1.2033 0.04313 123 102 17 4
1514 It’s the green alternative to coal. 1.2031 0.04054 128 105 20 3
1515 I don't know ... I still think the stack of gifts looks better on me. 1.2031 0.04347 128 107 16 5
1516 Boost me up? 1.2031 0.04347 128 107 16 5
1517 You're the one that only wanted one child. 1.2031 0.04486 128 108 14 6
1518 I guess it’s laundry day. 1.2031 0.03899 128 104 22 2
1519 In Finland, we take these down and do a reindeer dance. 1.2031 0.04203 128 106 18 4
1520 Because sending a link to the slippers I want might not be enough. 1.2031 0.04347 128 107 16 5
1521 Did you save the receipt. I think they might be a half size too big? 1.2030 0.04369 133 112 15 6
1522 To be honest, this is not the worst thing you caught me doing. 1.2030 0.03959 133 109 21 3
1523 I told you I found the perfect stocking stuffers this year 1.2030 0.04369 133 112 15 6
1524 I think that's there is a life saver from last year on my toe. 1.2029 0.04005 138 114 20 4
1525 Stretching them out for the big day. 1.2029 0.04135 138 115 18 5
1526 Gosh, Santa knew just what I wanted. 1.2029 0.03870 138 113 22 3
1527 There you go again; jumping into the season with both feet. 1.2029 0.04135 138 115 18 5
1528 Are you sure you don’t want another kid? 1.2029 0.04005 138 114 20 4
1529 It's a damn cheap present! 1.2028 0.04608 143 124 9 10
1530 Beautiful AND practical. 1.2028 0.03787 143 117 23 3
1531 I don’t care if you’re cold. I’m not turning up the heat! 1.2028 0.04039 143 119 19 5
1532 Who wore the third one? 1.2027 0.04063 148 124 18 6
1533 This isn't what "stocking stuffer" means, is it? 1.2027 0.03948 148 123 20 5
1534 These are they only boots we can afford." 1.2025 0.03676 158 130 24 4
1535 Don't look so confused ! You said that we had to cut back this year, and my feet were cold. 1.2025 0.03565 158 129 26 3
1536 I told you we needed another one 1.2025 0.03991 158 133 18 7
1537 Christmas costs an arm and a leg this year. 1.2025 0.03809 163 136 21 6
1538 My sweater isn’t ugly enough. 1.2018 0.04660 109 91 14 4
1539 I'm wreath-inking my sock choice 1.2018 0.04692 114 96 13 5
1540 What? Nobody wears matching socks any more! 1.2017 0.04398 119 99 16 4
1541 Careful, I saw some mouse poop. 1.2017 0.04233 119 98 18 3
1542 This is what happens when we fight over the thermostat 1.2017 0.04233 119 98 18 3
1543 And one day you’ll realize I’m the greatest gift, Kevin. 1.2017 0.04711 119 101 12 6
1544 I’ve gotta run in my stockings.” 1.2016 0.04432 124 104 15 5
1545 My Uggs are at the cleaners. 1.2016 0.04432 124 104 15 5
1546 You hang stockings with care by the chimney your way; I'll do it mine. 1.2016 0.03872 129 105 22 2
1547 Don't worry. I'll get them back up before Santa arrives. 1.2016 0.04026 129 106 20 3
1548 Two on the feet beats one on the mantle. 1.2016 0.04588 129 110 12 7
1549 I want him to smell my feet. 1.2016 0.04316 129 108 16 5
1550 Well, it sure beats using the tree skirt as a poncho! 1.2016 0.04588 129 110 12 7
1551 Because if you think about it, I'm the best present this family has ever gotten. 1.2015 0.04467 134 114 13 7
1552 The chocolate feels great between my toes. 1.2015 0.04339 134 113 15 6
1553 These would fit better if you took the coal out. 1.2015 0.04339 134 113 15 6
1554 Don't worry, I'll be back before Christmas Eve. 1.2014 0.03845 139 114 22 3
1555 My feet are cold, but I will hang them back up on Christmas eve. 1.2014 0.03978 139 115 20 4
1556 Better than having them filled with coal like last year! 1.2014 0.04013 144 120 19 5
1557 No room for coal in these stockings! 1.2014 0.04132 144 121 17 6
1558 Have you got this in a Size 8? 1.2014 0.03890 144 119 21 4
1559 This is to surprise Santa. 1.2014 0.03763 144 118 23 3
1560 Santa knows we’re broke. 1.2013 0.04149 149 126 16 7
1561 Did you happen to put Christmas pudding in my stocking? 1.2013 0.04038 149 125 18 6
1562 Why leave them hanging there, doing nothing. 1.2013 0.03924 149 124 20 5
1563 I think the dryer ate my socks 1.2013 0.03924 149 124 20 5
1564 It is a rather particular kink. 1.2013 0.03613 154 126 25 3
1565 How do atheists keep their feet warm? 1.2013 0.03841 154 128 21 5
1566 Santa's got a foot fetish. 1.2013 0.03950 154 129 19 6
1567 ‘Tis the season you complain about the heating bill. 1.2013 0.03867 159 133 20 6
1568 It's cold! ... I thought you were going to light my fire. 1.2000 0.04684 125 107 11 7
1569 Now pass me the evergreen belt. 1.2000 0.04032 155 131 17 7
1570 I'm certain "The stockings were 'hung' by the chimney with care" not "worn." 1.2000 0.04286 130 109 16 5
1571 It beats one foot in the fire. 1.2000 0.04221 145 123 15 7
1572 Their comfy, but I think there's a melted piece of chocolate at the bottom of this one. 1.2000 0.03683 140 114 24 2
1573 Well, it worked for Bernie Sanders. 1.2000 0.04969 110 94 10 6
1574 Turns out Santa is a kinky freak. I wear these barefoot the whole month without washing them right up to Christmas Eve. Last year I got a Ferrari. 1.2000 0.04106 145 122 17 6
1575 I say, if the stocking fits, wear it. 1.2000 0.04286 130 109 16 5
1576 Well, now that the kids are gone... 1.2000 0.03524 160 131 26 3
1577 I love them! But you stink at hiding presents! 1.2000 0.04144 130 108 18 4
1578 I promise to hang them back up with care. 1.2000 0.04250 125 104 17 4
1579 The forecast is 6 inches of snow. 1.2000 0.04179 135 113 17 5
1580 I found the perfect stocking stuffers, Gary. 1.2000 0.04144 130 108 18 4
1581 Get the sleigh, the toys and the reindeer ready while I finish dressing. 1.2000 0.04096 125 103 19 3
1582 So here I am,lumbering along in our two-stocking system while that third party hangs over there like a wish unfulfilled. 1.2000 0.04969 110 94 10 6
1583 who said they had to match? 1.2000 0.04286 130 109 16 5
1584 Light the fire already. 1.2000 0.03988 145 121 19 5
1585 what do you mean you put things in it!? 1.2000 0.04013 150 126 18 6
1586 Whose idea was this? 1.2000 0.04096 125 103 19 3
1587 They’re pretty comfortable once you get used to the bits at the bottom. 1.2000 0.04013 150 126 18 6
1588 But these are the sexiest ones I have. 1.2000 0.04286 130 109 16 5
1589 Candy cane splinters! Ouch! 1.2000 0.04522 120 101 14 5
1590 Well, maybe if you'd given me socks like I asked for, I wouldn't have to "disgrace" myself like this, Steven. 1.2000 0.04096 125 103 19 3
1591 They fit. Good. Now all I need is a tutu and a top hat. 1.2000 0.03988 145 121 19 5
1592 you can hop 1.2000 0.04106 145 122 17 6
1593 Could you help me stretch the third one over my head? 1.2000 0.04436 135 115 13 7
1594 When you said you’d be wearing stockings, I had something else in mind. 1.2000 0.03707 155 128 23 4
1595 Maybe I'm your present. What then? 1.2000 0.04522 120 101 14 5
1596 We can have another child, then you'll get a pair next year. 1.2000 0.04399 125 105 15 5
1597 The stockings were torn from the chimney with care, in hopes that her raynaud's would soon disappear. 1.2000 0.04798 110 93 12 5
1598 What do you mean this isn’t what you meant when you said you wanted me to wear thigh highs? 1.2000 0.04250 125 104 17 4
1599 I came up with the perfect stocking stuffers given your foot fetish! 1.2000 0.03900 150 125 20 5
1600 Now that the kids are all grown up, I can wear my favorites socks again 1.2000 0.04201 120 99 18 3
1601 I knew we should have had a second kid. 1.2000 0.04250 125 104 17 4
1602 You’re right. These are WAY better than those fancy recovery boots. 1.2000 0.03634 160 132 24 4
1603 I’ll start keeping up with the laundry pile in the new year. 1.2000 0.04144 130 108 18 4
1604 Isn't one of those supposed to be for the dog? 1.1988 0.03766 171 144 20 7
1605 Look who won the office Ugly Uggs contest! 1.1987 0.04098 151 128 16 7
1606 Well, no one gave me those socks I asked for. 1.1986 0.03962 146 122 19 5
1607 As soon as you turn the heat up, I’ll put them back. 1.1986 0.03962 146 122 19 5
1608 Of course I haven't forgotten! Am I not the best gift? 1.1986 0.04177 141 119 16 6
1609 Don't worry, I'll wash them before Christmas Eve. 1.1986 0.04177 141 119 16 6
1610 I’m taking these since I was cheated out of tooth fairy money. 1.1986 0.03519 141 114 26 1
1611 Well, what were YOU going to fill them with?? 1.1985 0.03433 136 109 27 0
1612 Janice I want a divorce 1.1985 0.04151 136 114 17 5
1613 Well, if someone I know would turn the heat on... 1.1985 0.04115 131 109 18 4
1614 Ok, now put that wreath you know where. 1.1985 0.04115 131 109 18 4
1615 You do know that those are just decorative, right? 1.1985 0.03970 131 108 20 3
1616 Go look in the back of the washing machine, that’s where they normally are 1.1985 0.04115 131 109 18 4
1617 Weren’t you just singing, “All I want for Christmas is you?” 1.1985 0.04115 131 109 18 4
1618 My warmest stockings and you want to put them on the mantle?! Pleeeze. 1.1984 0.04066 126 104 19 3
1619 This perfectly comports with both my minimalist and sustainable identities. 1.1984 0.03907 126 103 21 2
1620 You said knee high stockings. 1.1984 0.04219 126 105 17 4
1621 Let’s see him put coal in there NOW. 1.1984 0.04649 126 108 11 7
1622 What are you looking at? Turn on the heater cheapskate 1.1984 0.03907 126 103 21 2
1623 Being that you got that big raise, I’m stretching them so they can fit more. 1.1983 0.04331 121 101 16 4
1624 Did you like the stuffed eggs? 1.1983 0.04487 121 102 14 5
1625 Well if you won’t turn the heat on I have no other options. 1.1983 0.04487 121 102 14 5
1626 With rising prices, multi purpose items are more important than ever. 1.1983 0.04331 121 101 16 4
1627 Do I have to spell it out for you? I need stuffin’ too!” (Bedroom eyes 1.1983 0.04169 121 100 18 3
1628 Ok, they' re not fishnet. 1.1983 0.04280 116 96 17 3
1629 Peg, this fantasy you have about Santa has got to stop. 1.1983 0.04617 116 98 13 5
1630 If someone would just let me raise the thermostat, this wouldn’t be happening. 1.1981 0.04114 106 86 19 1
1631 Couldn’t you just raise the temperature? 1.1975 0.03801 162 136 20 6
1632 That's not very funny. 1.1972 0.04028 142 119 18 5
1633 Well they weren’t going to fit you now, were they? 1.1972 0.04268 142 121 14 7
1634 I bought these at Coal's. 1.1971 0.03854 137 113 21 3
1635 Coal-d Feet 1.1971 0.03854 137 113 21 3
1636 You get the second one if you're around next year. 1.1970 0.04618 132 114 10 8
1637 Turns out that isn’t a real fireplace. 1.1970 0.04226 132 111 16 5
1638 It's time I told you a secret I've been hiding from you for 10 years. I am Santa. 1.1970 0.04087 132 110 18 4
1639 I think there's a lump of coal in this one. 1.1970 0.03943 132 109 20 3
1640 I have cold feet this year, Karen 1.1970 0.03943 132 109 20 3
1641 I’m heading out to find the guy who stole all our shoes. 1.1970 0.04226 132 111 16 5
1642 What? You wanted me to help bring in the groceries didn’t you? 1.1970 0.04087 132 110 18 4
1643 I'm finally warm! 1.1969 0.04189 127 106 17 4
1644 I told you, this Christmas, I wanted to be more present. 1.1969 0.04615 127 109 11 7
1645 ...just until the fire is going! 1.1967 0.04454 122 103 14 5
1646 I just read that the best gift of all is someone you love. 1.1967 0.04454 122 103 14 5
1647 This year she decided to take care of herself first. 1.1967 0.04299 122 102 16 4
1648 These boots are made for wrapping. 1.1967 0.04138 122 101 18 3
1649 I think this one might be yours. Feels like a lump of coal in it. 1.1966 0.04247 117 97 17 3
1650 Now click your heels three times,and election news will disappear 1.1966 0.04247 117 97 17 3
1651 Honey, we live in Florida. 1.1964 0.04545 112 94 14 4
1652 What? I’m giving my presence. 1.1964 0.04545 112 94 14 4
1653 Your mom said she respects repurposing. 1.1964 0.04545 112 94 14 4
1654 Your dad won't let me turn up the thermostat. 1.1964 0.04364 112 93 16 3
1655 And our parents said an interfaith marriage would never work? Won't they be embarrassed! 1.1961 0.03941 153 129 18 6
1656 You said to expect socks as my present this year. 1.1961 0.03830 153 128 20 5
1657 I challenge you, where are they more festive? 1.1961 0.03830 153 128 20 5
1658 Who knew? A perfect 6 1/2. 1.1959 0.04780 97 81 13 3
1659 Have you seen the weather forecast? 1.1958 0.04002 143 120 18 5
1660 Maybe Santa will bring you a second stocking. 1.1958 0.03877 143 119 20 4
1661 I'll probably need to size down. 1.1957 0.04223 138 117 15 6
1662 Babe, c'mon, they're all the rage on the Dollar Store catwalk! 1.1957 0.04096 138 116 17 5
1663 Now, touch your nose! 1.1957 0.04096 138 116 17 5
1664 And if you don't turn up the thermostat, that wreath will go up in flames. Along with those sweat pants. 1.1957 0.04467 138 119 11 8
1665 Be honest, do my legs look fat in these socks? 1.1957 0.03965 138 115 19 4
1666 Somehow they discovered we’re Jewish. 1.1957 0.04347 138 118 13 7
1667 My snowflake pair are in the wash 1.1957 0.04096 138 116 17 5
1668 I’ll hang out here and take them off when he comes. 1.1955 0.04197 133 112 16 5
1669 My feet are the only stocking stuffers we can afford this year. 1.1955 0.04330 133 113 14 6
1670 I knew I should have married a Boy Scout. 1.1955 0.03916 133 110 20 3
1671 I do not have fat calves! 1.1953 0.04304 128 108 15 5
1672 This isn't what it looks like. 1.1953 0.03852 128 105 21 2
1673 Irrational exuberance?" "Great Expectations! 1.1953 0.04159 128 107 17 4
1674 Ok, but you know I’m Jewish, right? 1.1953 0.04159 128 107 17 4
1675 I know it runs up the bill, but can we please turn the heat up. 1.1951 0.03942 123 101 20 2
1676 This is probably as kinky as it gets. 1.1951 0.04267 123 103 16 4
1677 If we'd had another kid like I wanted, you'd have two stockings too. 1.1951 0.04107 123 102 18 3
1678 You remembered the decorations but you forgot to pay our heating bill. 1.1951 0.04420 123 104 14 5
1679 Look i do not have a ugly sweater to wear to the office christmas party, so i thought i'd wear these instead. 1.1951 0.04267 123 103 16 4
1680 Well, what do you do when your kid puts catsup in a dryer full of our socks? 1.1951 0.04420 123 104 14 5
1681 Holiday feet pics pay extra 1.1951 0.03769 123 100 22 1
1682 It's the one night each year i can have warm feet without any coal. 1.1950 0.03938 159 135 17 7
1683 What can I say? My feet were cold. 1.1949 0.04039 118 97 19 2
1684 I’m case you forget that I have enough socks. 1.1949 0.04702 118 101 11 6
1685 You know how to hop, don'tcha? 1.1949 0.04383 118 99 15 4
1686 You know what they say - if the shoe fits…. 1.1949 0.04545 118 100 13 5
1687 Oops! Sorry about that. Can you hop? 1.1949 0.04214 118 98 17 3
1688 Me having warm feet is really a gift to both of us. 1.1949 0.04214 118 98 17 3
1689 I'll take 'em off before Santa arrives. 1.1948 0.03807 154 129 20 5
1690 The goodies I prefer to put into my stockings are my cold feet! 1.1948 0.03694 154 128 22 4
1691 It's so hard to find anything in a size 15. 1.1948 0.03578 154 127 24 3
1692 At least they'll be filled with something this year 1.1947 0.04680 113 96 12 5
1693 Just checking for leftover chocolate kisses. 1.1947 0.04846 113 97 10 6
1694 Stop whining!….. I left your sock up. 1.1947 0.04508 113 95 14 4
1695 Based on what you gave me last year, I'm sticking with these. 1.1946 0.04004 149 126 17 6
1696 If I don't, who will? 1.1946 0.03771 149 124 21 4
1697 Let's just hope Santa has a cold and has lost his sense of smell. 1.1944 0.04254 108 89 17 2
1698 Our fireplace doesn't have a chimney. 1.1942 0.03939 139 116 19 4
1699 Does it even matter anymore? 1.1940 0.04031 134 112 18 4
1700 I did say I wanted to see you in stockings. This is on me. 1.1940 0.03742 134 110 22 2
1701 If you would light the fire, I wouldn't need to wear these. 1.1940 0.03889 134 111 20 3
1702 What oranges? 1.1940 0.04031 134 112 18 4
1703 Oh, NOW you understand why they should always come in pairs. 1.1940 0.03742 134 110 22 2
1704 Well you won’t let me touch the thermostat. 1.1940 0.04300 134 114 14 6
1705 You're the one who only wanted one kid. 1.1939 0.05161 98 84 9 5
1706 I forgot to hang the rest of the laundry by the chimney with care. 1.1938 0.04129 129 108 17 4
1707 'Trick or treat, smell my feet' is the real nightmare before Christmas. 1.1938 0.04273 129 109 15 5
1708 I saw that you’d hung them by the chimney but I didn’t think you’d care. 1.1938 0.04273 129 109 15 5
1709 Don't blame me. You're the one who put me in charge of stocking stuffers. 1.1938 0.04129 129 108 17 4
1710 If I stretch them, Santa can fit more. 1.1935 0.03894 155 131 18 6
1711 Cheapest way to fill them. 1.1935 0.03894 155 131 18 6
1712 This way Santa will take me with him and leave you the lumps of coal 1.1935 0.04235 124 104 16 4
1713 They look nice. Well, I did have to eat the candy. 1.1933 0.04008 119 98 19 2
1714 I'm giving you one last hint. 1.1933 0.04509 119 101 13 5
1715 And I use the wreath to sit on when I go to the bathroom 1.1933 0.04509 119 101 13 5
1716 My presence is your present. 1.1933 0.04008 119 98 19 2
1717 Because Santa shows up one night a year. My feet are cold every day.” 1.1933 0.04182 119 99 17 3
1718 Oh, these are *decorative* stockings? 1.1933 0.03826 119 97 21 1
1719 I’ll prove to you why socks as a stocking stuffer is stupid. 1.1933 0.04182 119 99 17 3
1720 You can just hop around. 1.1931 0.04186 145 124 14 7
1721 Lucky you. I’m your gift! 1.1931 0.04186 145 124 14 7
1722 If the shoe fits, wear it. 1.1931 0.03951 145 122 18 5
1723 I've given up, Phil! And that goes for the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny too! 1.1930 0.04471 114 96 14 4
1724 I’m trying to regain a foothold on my innocence. 1.1930 0.03916 114 93 20 1
1725 If you are really good, maybe Santa will bring you a stocking for your other foot. 1.1930 0.04294 114 95 16 3
1726 They don't make me look like a ho ho ho, do they? 1.1930 0.04294 114 95 16 3
1727 I wanted to make sure that this year you liked your stocking stuffer. 1.1930 0.03916 114 93 20 1
1728 Put yourself in my stockings, Bob 1.1930 0.04642 114 97 12 5
1729 Don’t touch the thermostat I went over on our Christmas budget 1.1930 0.04109 114 94 18 2
1730 Looks like Santa knew you have a foot fetish.. 1.1930 0.04471 114 96 14 4
1731 They're T-Uggs. 1.1929 0.04042 140 118 17 5
1732 What? You and I both know we’re getting coal this year, and I thought if I wear these to bed, well, there’s nothing Santa can do about that! 1.1929 0.03779 140 116 21 3
1733 As we all know but refuse to admit : these are the greatest socks ever created. 1.1929 0.03779 140 116 21 3
1734 Now try putting both hands inside the last one. 1.1929 0.03913 140 117 19 4
1735 You're right. It's not fair. 1.1929 0.04042 140 118 17 5
1736 You can fill them with diamonds later. My ankles are cold. 1.1927 0.04785 109 93 11 5
1737 Its my post-empty nest, pre -knitting phase. 1.1926 0.04003 135 113 18 4
1738 I'm stocking my stockings. 1.1926 0.03717 135 111 22 2
1739 It’s a Christmas miracle Todd! My stocking is filled this year. 1.1926 0.04139 135 114 16 5
1740 Making more room for presents. 1.1923 0.03952 130 108 19 3
1741 Until you get the fire going the socks stay on. 1.1923 0.04100 130 109 17 4
1742 Since the kids aren't coming for Christmas,I'm just going to stomp around wearing their Christmas stockings. That'll show 'em. 1.1923 0.04243 130 110 15 5
1743 They're more sustainable than single-use stockings 1.1923 0.04100 130 109 17 4
1744 My feet are cold. But if I start the fire, Santa can't come down the chimney! 1.1923 0.04100 130 109 17 4
1745 You are getting an amazing stocking stuffer this year. 1.1923 0.04100 130 109 17 4
1746 What? Am I not enough for you? 1.1923 0.04548 104 87 14 3
1747 It's me, i'm your gift 1.1923 0.04749 104 88 12 4
1748 'See, festive and frugal...'. 1.1923 0.03952 130 108 19 3
1749 This is how you get that Christmas smell. 1.1920 0.04204 125 105 16 4
1750 Your gift is somewhere in between. 1.1920 0.04355 125 106 14 5
1751 I TOLD you you'd be sorry if you played that Mariah Carey song one more time! 1.1920 0.03885 125 103 20 2
1752 These stockings are made for walking. Goodbye and Merry Christmas scrooge! 1.1920 0.04778 125 109 8 8
1753 Honey, there’s something I never told you about me… I’m part elf. 1.1920 0.04355 125 106 14 5
1754 I’m the gift this year. 1.1920 0.03885 125 103 20 2
1755 Until you turn on the heat, this is how I'm stuffing our stockings. 1.1919 0.05112 99 85 9 5
1756 Help me find my Lego? 1.1918 0.04045 146 124 16 6
1757 I promise to get them back before Santa Claus arrives. 1.1917 0.03977 120 99 19 2
1758 I think I need a size 6 1.1917 0.04475 120 102 13 5
1759 I forgot to do laundry, okay? 1.1917 0.04150 120 100 17 3
1760 The fireplace may be fake but the stockings are REAL. 1.1915 0.03887 141 118 19 4
1761 I wish we could afford real boots for Christmas... 1.1913 0.04435 115 97 14 4
1762 I smell last year's marzipan. 1.1913 0.04435 115 97 14 4
1763 I told you we should get four. *Now* you're jealous? 1.1913 0.04435 115 97 14 4
1764 Wow. This is so great. Where did you find these legs for my stockings? 1.1912 0.04111 136 115 16 5
1765 How did you know they're what I wanted and why did you buy three? 1.1912 0.03837 136 113 20 3
1766 You know I’m always cold. 1.1912 0.03837 136 113 20 3
1767 Inflation 1.1912 0.03837 136 113 20 3
1768 They wouldn’t fit you. 1.1911 0.03397 157 129 26 2
1769 They told me I have to wear stockings to work. 1.1909 0.03980 110 90 19 1
1770 Fine Carl, keep the thermostat at 60. See what happens. 1.1908 0.04071 131 110 17 4
1771 "I'm going curling. Where's that broom we used at Halloween? 1.1908 0.04483 131 113 11 7
1772 Don’t! You’ll kill the goldfish! 1.1908 0.03772 131 108 21 2
1773 Either light the fire or turn up the thermostat! 1.1905 0.04323 126 107 14 5
1774 No heat, no feet! 1.1905 0.03857 126 104 20 2
1775 Oh! Somehow I envisioned fish nets ones in our very personal holiday scene by the fireplace. 1.1905 0.04323 126 107 14 5
1776 I've been too busy decorating to do the laundry. 1.1905 0.04018 126 105 18 3
1777 I told you, no more single use items this year. 1.1905 0.04018 126 105 18 3
1778 Elton said to step into it... 1.1905 0.04300 105 87 16 2
1779 That's exactly why people say having Christmas at our house stinks, Margaret. 1.1905 0.04467 126 108 12 6
1780 Both kids said they wanted to spend more time with me. 1.1905 0.04018 126 105 18 3
1781 They said, no shoes allowed. 1.1905 0.03901 147 124 18 5
1782 It's just a precaution, so you don't give me a monitor lizard again, like last year. 1.1905 0.04323 126 107 14 5
1783 Slippers again? 1.1905 0.04018 126 105 18 3
1784 What? I thought after you brought out your chestnuts at the party last night we've decided to be literal this year. 1.1901 0.04232 142 122 13 7
1785 Until we can afford more wood and some furniture, I'm Wearing these babies, thank you. 1.1901 0.03862 142 119 19 4
1786 I’m just going on a little gift run. 1.1901 0.04282 121 102 15 4
1787 Seems that every time we want to be romantic, one of us gets cold feet. 1.1901 0.04593 121 104 11 6
1788 No honey, I meant your fishnets. 1.1900 0.04861 100 85 11 4
1789 They match the hat you got me last year. 1.1898 0.04083 137 116 16 5
1790 The fireplace is just a mock up. My feet are freezing. 1.1898 0.03950 137 115 18 4
1791 Santa can't put coal in my stockings if I'm wearing them Henry. 1.1898 0.04083 137 116 16 5
1792 You never fill my stocking, so I figured I'd use it for something else. 1.1898 0.03950 137 115 18 4
1793 You're going to look so stupid with only one stocking 1.1897 0.04729 116 100 10 6
1794 ‘‘Twas the night before Christmas, And all through the house, Not a creature was stirring, But now I’m aroused. 1.1897 0.04729 116 100 10 6
1795 It was at this point Bill realized the true meaning of Christmas stockings. 1.1895 0.03796 153 129 19 5
1796 The viral Ugg minis were sold out 1.1895 0.03796 153 129 19 5
1797 Because you're the one too cheap to turn on the gas logs. 1.1895 0.04802 95 80 12 3
1798 You can’t have us both Sarah. You have to choose. 1.1894 0.04043 132 111 17 4
1799 They’re filled now. 1.1894 0.04043 132 111 17 4
1800 Buy new socks? In this economy? 1.1894 0.03897 132 110 19 3
1801 It’s environmentally friendly. This will keep me just as warm as the coal. 1.1894 0.04043 132 111 17 4
1802 Aren't you getting into the holiday spirit a little early? Today's April Fool's Day. 1.1892 0.04527 111 94 13 4
1803 They're the ultimate Christmas fashion statement. 1.1892 0.04705 111 95 11 5
1804 You're my gift this year AGAIN! 1.1892 0.04527 111 94 13 4
1805 The tag says “multi-use” 1.1892 0.04343 111 93 15 3
1806 Since we agreed on no gifts... 1.1892 0.04343 111 93 15 3
1807 And look,I got you a hat! 1.1890 0.04143 127 107 16 4
1808 You’ve been good this year, so… 1.1890 0.04291 127 108 14 5
1809 My stockings were worn by the chimney with care. 1.1890 0.03829 127 105 20 2
1810 Of course my feet are clean... 1.1890 0.03829 127 105 20 2
1811 I thought you might want to get ME for Christmas. 1.1890 0.04143 127 107 16 4
1812 How thoughtful of you honey. Now I feel bad that I only bought you one. 1.1890 0.04434 127 109 12 6
1813 It's better to be warm today than to receive a gift tomorrow 1.1890 0.04434 127 109 12 6
1814 Don’t just stand there, grab my phone. Should I hashtag this StockingStomp or SingleGirlSantaPaws? 1.1890 0.04143 127 107 16 4
1815 i'm leaving you, mark 1.1890 0.04434 127 109 12 6
1816 I’m in my Christmas stocking era. 1.1890 0.04291 127 108 14 5
1817 I’m making my own mistletoes this year 1.1888 0.03837 143 120 19 4
1818 Nope, no Legos this year! 1.1885 0.04846 122 107 7 8
1819 After 22 years asking for furry slippers, Jane tried a visual prompt. 1.1885 0.04088 122 102 17 3
1820 What? It’s cold in here. 1.1885 0.04250 122 103 15 4
1821 Give them back. 1.1885 0.04250 122 103 15 4
1822 We might as well use them for something! 1.1884 0.03644 138 114 22 2
1823 I guess you're right. Those chololates did melt all on their own. 1.1884 0.03923 138 116 18 4
1824 Because your right is prosthetic. That's why. 1.1884 0.03923 138 116 18 4
1825 Things have gotten so expensive. I thought I'd use them for more than one thing. 1.1884 0.04056 138 117 16 5
1826 Mom said we need to help get the groceries from the car. 1.1884 0.04056 138 117 16 5
1827 I’ll be ready for strip poker as soon as I put on a hat. 1.1883 0.03541 154 128 23 3
1828 Look: some of us have ‘rizz’ and some of us don’t, hon. 1.1883 0.03659 154 129 21 4
1829 This socks. 1.1881 0.04386 101 84 15 2
1830 I’ll hang them back up with care once I get my tootsies warm! 1.1881 0.04606 101 85 13 3
1831 I didn't buy us socks this year. 1.1881 0.04386 101 84 15 2
1832 I know times are tight but you're calling these leg warmers? 1.1880 0.04365 117 99 14 4
1833 There is a simple explanation for this which, unfortunately, I’m unable to remember. 1.1880 0.04014 117 97 18 2
1834 Getting cold feet about my parents coming for Christmas? 1.1880 0.04365 117 99 14 4
1835 Since there's only one left, be creative. 1.1880 0.04365 117 99 14 4
1836 I saw it on Instagram. 1.1880 0.04193 117 98 16 3
1837 It’s called repurposing, Carl. Look it up. 1.1880 0.04531 117 100 12 5
1838 Yah - cold feet, eh? Well, me, too. I knit 'em, I get 'em. 1.1880 0.04015 133 112 17 4
1839 Since we are atheists, I thought that we should get some real use from them. 1.1880 0.04015 133 112 17 4
1840 You’re so sweet! I thought we were going to pass on gifts this year - do these come in half sizes? 1.1880 0.04154 133 113 15 5
1841 I am the best gift you can hope for, right? 1.1880 0.03871 133 111 19 3
1842 I get mine and my mom's and you'd have a pair if you mother wasn't dead. 1.1880 0.04289 133 114 13 6
1843 I told you to me UGGS for Christmas. 1.1880 0.04015 133 112 17 4
1844 My plantar fasciitis found a home for the holidays. 1.1880 0.03720 133 110 21 2
1845 What? All my other ones were dirty 1.1879 0.03605 165 139 21 5
1846 Well, this was fun. Let me know if you find my socks. 1.1875 0.03802 128 106 20 2
1847 See? This stocking design has never served a functional purpose. 1.1875 0.04113 128 108 16 4
1848 I just know we'll win the Anderson’s annual 3-legged Santa dash down Chestnut Street! 1.1875 0.03802 128 106 20 2
1849 We'll need to add odor eaters as stocking stuffers for these two. 1.1875 0.03938 144 122 17 5
1850 Hear me out; we'll save on both the heating bill and stocking stuffers. 1.1875 0.04666 112 96 11 5
1851 Why can’t Santa just use the front door? It’s freezing in here. 1.1875 0.04260 128 109 14 5
1852 When I’m done wearing these the kids will wish they got coal in their stockings 1.1875 0.04666 112 96 11 5
1853 You keep stealing my socks 1.1875 0.03961 128 107 18 3
1854 My contribution to climate control....just try to stuff an ounce of coal in these babies 1.1871 0.03637 155 130 21 4
1855 Well,it was these or the Santa suit. 1.1871 0.03761 139 116 20 3
1856 Don't get upset with me, my feet are freezing and you won't light the fire. 1.1870 0.04809 123 108 7 8
1857 Gen Z says boots can’t go above the knee, Greg. 1.1870 0.04218 123 104 15 4
1858 This way you don’t have to worry about getting anything for my stocking 1.1869 0.04430 107 90 14 3
1859 If the mistle is for toe, stocking is for foot. 1.1866 0.03844 134 112 19 3
1860 I mean, have you seen inflation? 1.1866 0.03844 134 112 19 3
1861 It's cold and the fireplace isn't working. 1.1864 0.04495 118 101 12 5
1862 We both know you’re getting me socks for Christmas - I’m just skipping the middle step. 1.1864 0.04331 118 100 14 4
1863 My stockings are stuffed by my legs with hair 1.1864 0.04495 118 101 12 5
1864 Turn the heating on then. 1.1864 0.04331 118 100 14 4
1865 Relax, his reindeer smell worse. 1.1863 0.03436 161 134 24 3
1866 Don't get mad. I'm Jewish didn't know what they were for. 1.1863 0.04564 102 86 13 3
1867 Even these are mismatched. 1.1863 0.04564 102 86 13 3
1868 Now you can stuff my stocking. 1.1863 0.04772 102 87 11 4
1869 Oven mitts would work better. 1.1860 0.04084 129 109 16 4
1870 It was a Christmasy money-saving tip on Martha Stewart. 1.1860 0.04370 129 111 12 6
1871 Yah, they fit perfectly.. 1.1860 0.03775 129 107 20 2
1872 I told you that you wouldn't want to know what I do for a living. 1.1860 0.04370 129 111 12 6
1873 Looks like I’m gonna beat you in the Jingle Bell 5k this year! 1.1860 0.03440 129 105 24 0
1874 I guess I'll just have to fill my own stocking 1.1860 0.04084 129 109 16 4
1875 We can hang these for now, but December 25th I am putting them right back on. 1.1860 0.03775 129 107 20 2
1876 If one partner secretly lowers the heat the other partner can do this. 1.1858 0.03885 113 93 19 1
1877 That’s what you get for being naughty 1.1858 0.04272 113 95 15 3
1878 Its my turn tonight, you got them last night. 1.1858 0.04453 113 96 13 4
1879 See? I told you, feet are the literal best stocking stuffers. 1.1858 0.04272 113 95 15 3
1880 It doesnt have to go on your foot. 1.1858 0.04453 113 96 13 4
1881 I’m cold. If you’ll light the Yule log that you say is ‘only seasonal decor’ then the stockings can be ‘just decorative.’ Your call. 1.1857 0.04129 140 120 14 6
1882 Did you really think filling these with warm jello would stop me, Alan? Did you? Did you really? It’s Christmas, Alan. It only happens once a year. 1.1857 0.03872 140 118 18 4
1883 I don't know about you, but I don't plan on shaving until December 26th. 1.1856 0.04933 97 83 10 4
1884 No, I have to. 1.1855 0.03861 124 103 19 2
1885 It’s because Santa loves me more, dummy. 1.1855 0.04340 124 106 13 5
1886 If you weren't sure, you could ask. 1.1855 0.04187 124 105 15 4
1887 What? You said you wouldn't turn up the thermostat. 1.1855 0.03861 124 103 19 2
1888 Every year you wait, but he never comes down the chimney and doesn't touch the milk and cookies so either start a fire or I'm wearing these damn things. 1.1855 0.04187 124 105 15 4
1889 They told me this is American Christmas custom. 1.1855 0.04340 124 106 13 5
1890 We agreed no gifts this year 1.1855 0.03687 124 102 21 1
1891 You know I like to get into the holidays. 1.1855 0.04340 124 106 13 5
1892 I thought they would match my sweater. 1.1855 0.03861 124 103 19 2
1893 It’s the only way to ensure the Grinch doesn’t get them this year. 1.1855 0.04027 124 104 17 3
1894 And then we call it an "Ugly sock party...." 1.1854 0.04139 151 131 12 8
1895 Do these make me look jolly? 1.1852 0.04191 108 90 16 2
1896 Never wish for more wishes 1.1852 0.04393 108 91 14 3
1897 I thought we agreed to be more open and understanding of one another's sexual needs? 1.1852 0.04393 108 91 14 3
1898 Nobody can fill Santa’s shoes. 1.1852 0.03517 135 111 23 1
1899 Dual purpose. Go stand in the corner and I’ll get the decorations. 1.1849 0.04128 119 100 16 3
1900 Thanksgiving fell on laundry day, and threw the whole schedule off; we're just gonna have to make do. 1.1849 0.03952 119 99 18 2
1901 What? I wanted to see what it would feel like if mine wasn’t empty for once. 1.1849 0.04128 119 100 16 3
1902 I am NOT going back to work. 1.1848 0.05110 92 79 9 4
1903 Just until the 24th. 1.1846 0.03749 130 108 20 2
1904 You hid WHAT in yours? 1.1846 0.04339 130 112 12 6
1905 It's hard to find a matching pair. 1.1846 0.03749 130 108 20 2
1906 You got me a pet snake! Oh wow! Is it under the tree? 1.1845 0.04308 103 86 15 2
1907 If they're not used, Santa can smell it. 1.1845 0.04926 103 89 9 5
1908 Just running out to get some stocking stuffers. 1.1844 0.03846 141 119 18 4
1909 If I stretch them out, I'll get more in them. 1.1844 0.04101 141 121 14 6
1910 Come on, scrunch the coal in as much as possible, they'll be awake soon. 1.1842 0.03783 152 129 18 5
1911 Santa Claus is coming to town. 1.1842 0.04238 114 96 15 3
1912 You could hop... 1.1842 0.04238 114 96 15 3
1913 Athleisure,baby! 1.1842 0.04050 114 95 17 2
1914 Feet: the original stocking stuffers 1.1842 0.04238 114 96 15 3
1915 Hey! Im the best stocking stuffers you and the baby can have. 1.1842 0.04050 114 95 17 2
1916 I’ve gotten them for the past 5 years. Might as well skip the formalities. 1.1842 0.03783 152 129 18 5
1917 Well, you wouldn’t turn up the thermostat! 1.1840 0.03833 125 104 19 2
1918 And this is me channeling Nancy Sinatra. 1.1840 0.04156 125 106 15 4
1919 These socks were made for walking. 1.1840 0.04308 125 107 13 5
1920 I'm giving mine a good stretch, so they will hold more. 1.1840 0.03833 125 104 19 2
1921 How fitting! 1.1840 0.04156 125 106 15 4
1922 I've stuffed the stockings, how about you stuff the turkey? 1.1840 0.04156 125 106 15 4
1923 Well, one of us is going to have to change. 1.1840 0.03997 125 105 17 3
1924 Are we really out of matches again? 1.1838 0.03646 136 113 21 2
1925 No,i meant the other left foot! 1.1838 0.03933 136 115 17 4
1926 Are you going to light a fire or not? 1.1838 0.04069 136 116 15 5
1927 Once you get past the stab of the broken candy canes, they are really quite comfortable. 1.1837 0.04435 98 82 14 2
1928 I believe there is coal in one of these. 1.1837 0.04435 98 82 14 2
1929 I know, but the matching one was lost in the laundry 1.1835 0.03792 158 135 17 6
1930 It’s decided. You’re giving me a foot massage for Christmas. 1.1835 0.04355 109 92 14 3
1931 All I want for Christmas is shoe. 1.1835 0.04729 109 94 10 5
1932 Mrs Claus is still working on the other. 1.1835 0.04156 109 91 16 2
1933 There's a hockey stick in here. 1.1835 0.04355 109 92 14 3
1934 Guess what you are getting this Christmas? 1.1835 0.04729 109 94 10 5
1935 The kids said they wanted hot dogs in their stockings this year. 1.1835 0.04546 109 93 12 4
1936 The husband looks like this isn’t his first rodeo so I’m going with: “Honey, we’ve discussed this before.” 🙃 1.1835 0.04729 109 94 10 5
1937 I want to spread the Christmas spirit while shoveling snow. 1.1833 0.04264 120 102 14 4
1938 I guess you don't need another pair of socks this year. 1.1833 0.03547 120 98 22 0
1939 It was BOGO… don’t judge. 1.1833 0.03547 120 98 22 0
1940 Did you check the dryer for your other one? 1.1833 0.04264 120 102 14 4
1941 Sorry Dear, but we're downsizing Christmas this year. The other stocking is all yours. 1.1832 0.04026 131 111 16 4
1942 …well with inflation, this year will need to look a little different. 1.1832 0.03877 131 110 18 3
1943 Santa will be so excited to see you in your stockings. 1.1832 0.04026 131 111 16 4
1944 Rivkah’s first Christmas 1.1832 0.04308 131 113 12 6
1945 Look if you’re not going to let me touch the thermostat… 1.1832 0.03877 131 110 18 3
1946 I thought you would like a little Ho Ho Ho in your stockings. 1.1831 0.04074 142 122 14 6
1947 I'm sorry if your presents smell like my feet. 1.1831 0.04074 142 122 14 6
1948 Visions of sugar plums won’t be the only thing dancing in your head. 1.1831 0.04074 142 122 14 6
1949 Wait till you see where grandpa puts the tree! 1.1831 0.04195 142 123 12 7
1950 brb, going to walk the dog. 1.1831 0.04074 142 122 14 6
1951 But I already got stocking stuffers. 1.1827 0.04687 104 89 11 4
1952 They don't come in half -sizes. 1.1827 0.04045 104 86 17 1
1953 Christmas is over, so these are back in rotation. 1.1827 0.04687 104 89 11 4
1954 You put that one on,and we'll share this one for a 3-legged Christmas walk! 1.1826 0.04381 115 98 13 4
1955 A sock hop on Christmas Eve? 1.1826 0.03618 115 94 21 0
1956 For kindling tonight I say we use the electricity bill. 1.1825 0.04125 126 107 15 4
1957 Last year's coal residue is a great antifungal treatment. 1.1825 0.04422 126 109 11 6
1958 Maybe if you didn't jack off into yours you could join in the fun. 1.1825 0.04276 126 108 13 5
1959 The dryer ate all my other socks 1.1825 0.03968 126 106 17 3
1960 Back off--it's cold out! 1.1825 0.04042 137 117 15 5
1961 I don’t think the kids will see it that way 1.1825 0.03767 137 115 19 3
1962 Where do you want me to hang you up? 1.1825 0.04042 137 117 15 5
1963 This is what happens when you’re on laundry duty 1.1825 0.03622 137 114 21 2
1964 Sacrilegious? How about all those times you ate meat on Fridays? 1.1825 0.03622 137 114 21 2
1965 That’s not what I meant by “let’s kick off this Christmas” 1.1825 0.04042 137 117 15 5
1966 You need to stretch them out to make more room. 1.1818 0.04508 110 94 12 4
1967 What do you mean 'I'm using it wrong'? 1.1818 0.04689 110 95 10 5
1968 So you won’t give me yet another pair of slippers. 1.1818 0.04391 121 104 12 5
1969 Well you keep insisting I wear stockings, are you happy now? 1.1818 0.03998 132 112 16 4
1970 Reusing is recycling. 1.1818 0.04232 121 103 14 4
1971 Jesus Simon you're barefoot 1.1818 0.04232 121 103 14 4
1972 The kids have been so naughty this year,I want their coal to smell like feet. 1.1818 0.04319 110 93 14 3
1973 We never kiss under the mistletoe, burn the yule log or play house with the nativity scene anymore. I've had enough! 1.1818 0.04508 110 94 12 4
1974 I got carried away at the sock drive. 1.1818 0.03537 132 109 22 1
1975 Well, now that Timmy found out about Santa... 1.1818 0.03998 132 112 16 4
1976 I thought you said I could stuff them 1.1818 0.03892 121 101 18 2
1977 Next year, I want socks for Christmas. 1.1818 0.04140 132 113 14 5
1978 I say the hell with Christmas tradition. 1.1812 0.04015 138 118 15 5
1979 I thought we agreed you’d knock before coming in the family room. 1.1812 0.03742 138 116 19 3
1980 Snow boots were on my Christmas list. 1.1811 0.03940 127 107 17 3
1981 This is exactly what it looks like--goodbye, Steve. 1.1811 0.03778 127 106 19 2
1982 You did say you were getting her a pony, right? 1.1811 0.03940 127 107 17 3
1983 My feet smelled like your breath 1.1811 0.04666 127 112 7 8
1984 I love my new holiday Uggs! 1.1811 0.03940 127 107 17 3
1985 Santa can shove it. I'm cold and you're too stingy to turn the heat up. 1.1811 0.04095 127 108 15 4
1986 Cuz, all I want for Christmas is you... 1.1811 0.03940 127 107 17 3
1987 You'd better hope that Santa didn't put any Legos in your stocking 1.1810 0.04515 116 100 11 5
1988 I think you are missing the point. 1.1810 0.04515 116 100 11 5
1989 Here comes your wildest Christmas wish! 1.1810 0.04346 116 99 13 4
1990 Finally, stockings that don’t run! 1.1810 0.04170 116 98 15 3
1991 Mom said to get the groceries from the trunk, but my shoes are upstairs. 1.1810 0.04170 116 98 15 3
1992 I wish you were that hot in bed! 1.1810 0.04645 105 90 11 4
1993 We’ll why not…You know I’m the practical one when it Comes to Christmas traditions 1.1810 0.04444 105 89 13 3
1994 Compression socks! Oh honey, how did you know? 1.1810 0.04444 105 89 13 3
1995 You didn't tell me your family was coming, and it looks like I'm walking home." 1.1809 0.04528 94 79 13 2
1996 Wait, so these aren't for stalking people? 1.1806 0.03641 144 121 20 3
1997 Now...Hang me up there before the kids wake up !! 1.1806 0.03772 144 122 18 4
1998 Didn't you say these stockings were for the dogs? 1.1805 0.03824 133 112 18 3
1999 well, until you turn up the heat 1.1805 0.03970 133 113 16 4
2000 Barefoot makes it artisanal. 1.1805 0.03824 133 112 18 3
2001 We could just start a fire if you’re cold…. 1.1805 0.04111 133 114 14 5
2002 The dog ate all my other socks 1.1805 0.03824 133 112 18 3
2003 don't judge, my feet were cold 1.1803 0.04199 122 104 14 4
2004 You can open me on Christmas morning. 1.1803 0.03684 122 101 20 1
2005 Well, I have to get warm somehow since I can't risk burning Santa! 1.1803 0.04035 122 103 16 3
2006 I’m just doing my part to combat fast fashion. 1.1803 0.04199 122 104 14 4
2007 Who has NEVER tried one of these on. 1.1803 0.04035 122 103 16 3
2008 What? My feet are cold and I'm too lazy to go upstairs. 1.1803 0.04358 122 105 12 5
2009 I'm leaving you Harold. You never get Christmas right. 1.1803 0.04511 122 106 10 6
2010 They’re actually cheaper than socks. 1.1803 0.04035 122 103 16 3
2011 Are you the Ho Ho Ho? 1.1802 0.04283 111 94 14 3
2012 Why waste them on the mantelpiece when they fit my feet perfectly? 1.1802 0.04087 111 93 16 2
2013 Creative Ways to Tell Him You're Pregnant - Holiday Edition 1.1802 0.04470 111 95 12 4
2014 My knees were cold 1.1802 0.04283 111 94 14 3
2015 But I just hung those by the chimney with care! 1.1802 0.04087 111 93 16 2
2016 Well, I'm a bit concerned about your mantle health. 1.1800 0.04795 100 86 10 4
2017 I have no idea where all the socks have gone. 1.1799 0.03574 139 116 21 2
2018 Did you know “stockings” are actually socks? Grab a thesaurus. Look it up. 1.1799 0.03574 139 116 21 2
2019 Sees you when you're sleeping - check. Knows when you're awake - check. Why bother Santa with the 'stocking' when I'm right next door? 1.1799 0.03855 139 118 17 4
2020 Yeah well I guess it’s time _someone_ did the laundry. 1.1797 0.03911 128 108 17 3
2021 I’m Jewish. 1.1797 0.03583 128 106 21 1
2022 Who cares? You never fill mine anyway. 1.1797 0.03911 128 108 17 3
2023 Now will you raise the thermostat? 1.1797 0.03911 128 108 17 3
2024 Stocking stuffers, of course. 1.1797 0.03911 128 108 17 3
2025 In this economy, have to make the most of everything 1.1797 0.03751 128 107 19 2
2026 Like they say, reduce, reuse, recycle! 1.1795 0.03764 117 97 19 1
2027 This isn’t what you meant when you said we should be more spontaneous? 1.1795 0.04137 117 99 15 3
2028 Would it be ok for me to suggest this would be better if you were naked? 1.1795 0.04137 117 99 15 3
2029 When the stocking stuffer quits. 1.1795 0.03955 117 98 17 2
2030 I'm sorry your feet are cold, but you we're the one who didn't want another child. 1.1795 0.04312 117 100 13 4
2031 The screen name of the guy requesting this is really Frosty The Toe Man? 1.1795 0.04948 117 104 5 8
2032 Well, if you're not going to light the fireplace... 1.1795 0.03955 117 98 17 2
2033 I left that third one for you, Gary. Wink, wink. 1.1795 0.04137 117 99 15 3
2034 Jan was soon brought up on charges of criminal stocking. 1.1795 0.04479 117 101 11 5
2035 Do we add the garland boa or is that too formal for your office holiday party? 1.1793 0.03618 145 122 20 3
2036 We both knew inflation would affect the holidays. 1.1792 0.04196 106 89 15 2
2037 Its the not the Destination, It's the Journey. 1.1792 0.04405 106 90 13 3
2038 Best stocking stuffers I know of!! 1.1791 0.04082 134 115 14 5
2039 I have cold feet, and you won't light my fire! 1.1791 0.04082 134 115 14 5
2040 Just trying to get my money's worth 1.1791 0.03647 134 112 20 2
2041 Why did you get rid of all the shoes? 1.1791 0.03798 134 113 18 3
2042 I told you it was your turn to do the laundry. 1.1791 0.03798 134 113 18 3
2043 Talk about a mix-up: when I said I wanted more booty in our relationship, this isn't exactly what I had in mind! 1.1791 0.03798 134 113 18 3
2044 I knew we shouldn't have invested in Bitcoin. 1.1789 0.04959 95 82 9 4
2045 I'm the gift, what else did you expect? 1.1789 0.04728 95 81 11 3
2046 They’re not christmas Uggs? 1.1789 0.04484 95 80 13 2
2047 I usually wear a medium but these are fine, honest. 1.1789 0.03835 123 103 18 2
2048 What’ll it be - Naughty or nice? 1.1789 0.04168 123 105 14 4
2049 I've decided to go meta this year: From now on, the stocking IS the gift. 1.1789 0.03835 123 103 18 2
2050 Dang! There's a Hershey Bar between my toes! 1.1789 0.04168 123 105 14 4
2051 First one up, lights the fire, right? 1.1789 0.04168 123 105 14 4
2052 Hinting? Well, maybe just a little." 1.1789 0.04005 123 104 16 3
2053 I know… but who stuffs these anyway? 1.1789 0.03835 123 103 18 2
2054 My feet are freezing Carl 1.1789 0.03835 123 103 18 2
2055 So no more of that, ‘Don’t knock it til you try it, Nancy’ 1.1788 0.03769 151 129 17 5
2056 Let's find out how well the Odor Eaters you got me really work. 1.1786 0.04247 112 95 14 3
2057 How nice. They fit. 1.1786 0.04247 112 95 14 3
2058 They double as compression stockings for those long holiday travels 1.1786 0.04433 112 96 12 4
2059 It’s my way of giving the boot to the commercialism of Christmas. 1.1786 0.04054 112 94 16 2
2060 One man's festive is another man's idiosyncratic." 1.1783 0.03883 129 109 17 3
2061 It’s the twelve DAYS of Christmas, not the 12 steps 1.1783 0.03383 129 106 23 0
2062 Why do I always have to stuff my own stockings? 1.1783 0.03724 129 108 19 2
2063 Can't afford stocking stuffers and can't afford socks, I'd call this a win/win 1.1783 0.04184 129 111 13 5
2064 I’m putting myself in the stockings this year since I’m so sweet 1.1783 0.04326 129 112 11 6
2065 Honey, I really need these in a size 10 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
2066 Had he remembered to light a fire maybe his wife would be taking things off. 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
2067 My feet were coal. 1.1781 0.03596 146 123 20 3
2068 I’ve always wanted to try this! 1.1780 0.04278 118 101 13 4
2069 We could use them until Christmas, Santa will understand 1.1780 0.04105 118 100 15 3
2070 You say anything about "coal in the stockings" and I'll kick you. 1.1778 0.05377 90 79 6 5
2071 That's for flirting with the waitress at IHOP. 1.1778 0.04054 135 116 14 5
2072 With all the holiday hustle and bustle, I didn't have time to do laundry. 1.1778 0.03622 135 113 20 2
2073 You can't have Christmas without a little rizz. 1.1778 0.03915 135 115 16 4
2074 Come at me, bro. 1.1776 0.03860 152 131 15 6
2075 The Marranos lit candles in their basements, my family does this... we all have our own traditions Carl! 1.1776 0.03712 107 88 19 0
2076 They're still a little too big - pass me more candy to put around the heel. 1.1776 0.04367 107 91 13 3
2077 Don't get any ideas. My feet are cold. 1.1774 0.03630 124 103 20 1
2078 I hear they stretch out. 1.1774 0.04136 124 106 14 4
2079 He's going to be very disappointed that he can't put coal in my stocking this year. 1.1774 0.03630 124 103 20 1
2080 Oy vey these are a little tight but I love them. 1.1773 0.04304 141 124 9 8
2081 Look--they're stockings, okay? Stockings! 1.1773 0.03669 141 119 19 3
2082 Aren't you putting yours on? 1.1771 0.04441 96 81 13 2
2083 I'm pregnant, so I get to wear for two. 1.1770 0.04021 113 95 16 2
2084 If you must know, I have been listening to Nancy Sinatra. 1.1770 0.04021 113 95 16 2
2085 I wouldn't wear them if you'd let me control the thermostat. 1.1770 0.04213 113 96 14 3
2086 I have your candy cane between my toes 1.1770 0.04021 113 95 16 2
2087 To show just how naughty they've been, I walked through dog poop first. 1.1769 0.04153 130 112 13 5
2088 It's not naughty -- it's nice! 1.1769 0.04007 130 111 15 4
2089 It's cheaper than turning on the heat. 1.1769 0.03698 130 109 19 2
2090 Lil' old stocking stuffer, me. 1.1769 0.03698 130 109 19 2
2091 Or I can be the goalie. 1.1765 0.04409 119 103 11 5
2092 I ran out of clean socks. 1.1765 0.04073 119 101 15 3
2093 I’m not just making fun of your prosthesis. 1.1765 0.04409 119 103 11 5
2094 Sorry. Misunderstood. 1.1765 0.03894 119 100 17 2
2095 I have to go clean the driveway. 1.1765 0.03606 153 130 19 4
2096 Just this once, can’t we light it? 1.1765 0.04073 119 101 15 3
2097 nan 1.1765 0.04567 119 104 9 6
2098 Isn't this what you meant when you told me I would look sexy in stockings? 1.1765 0.04244 119 102 13 4
2099 Mine is mine and yours is mine." 1.1765 0.04275 102 86 14 2
2100 I'm pretending they are Uggs. 1.1765 0.04073 119 101 15 3
2101 I didn't understand. I'm Jewish 1.1765 0.04496 102 87 12 3
2102 Wait til December 24th. He'll bring yours then. 1.1765 0.04073 119 101 15 3
2103 Honey, your Christmas gift. 1.1765 0.03894 119 100 17 2
2104 I can explain - it's not what it looks like... 1.1765 0.04244 119 102 13 4
2105 How clever of you to hide my gift in plain sight… 1.1765 0.03889 136 116 16 4
2106 All my other stockings are in the wash. 1.1765 0.03894 119 100 17 2
2107 What are you looking at?(psycho) 1.1765 0.04073 119 101 15 3
2108 How was I supposed to know we'd both have the same stupid idea for festive footwear day? 1.1765 0.05103 102 90 6 6
2109 Barefoot, say hello to Pregnant! 1.1765 0.05103 102 90 6 6
2110 Nothing....... just stocking up on gifts 1.1765 0.04159 136 118 12 6
2111 my new year’s resolution was to dress with the times 1.1765 0.03746 136 115 18 3
2112 It’s either this or I use them as kindling. 1.1761 0.03645 142 120 19 3
2113 Let me guess. Elf on a Shelf is now a fashion influencer. 1.1760 0.04106 125 107 14 4
2114 My gift to you is me. A Merry inflation Christmas 1.1760 0.04260 125 108 12 5
2115 We burned all the coal Santa left us last year… now my feet are cold. 1.1760 0.03945 125 106 16 3
2116 Don’t use mine, you’ll get coal dust all over your feet. 1.1760 0.03945 125 106 16 3
2117 Enough with hinting! Just tell me what you want. 1.1760 0.04106 125 107 14 4
2118 If you insist the fireplace is purely decorative, then this is what you get. 1.1760 0.04106 125 107 14 4
2119 3 socks, 4 feet. Don't look at me like that. Give me a high five! 1.1760 0.03945 125 106 16 3
2120 They weren’t going to fill themselves. 1.1760 0.03945 125 106 16 3
2121 Inflation...? Am I right? 1.1760 0.03945 125 106 16 3
2122 They are red bottoms! 1.1760 0.03945 125 106 16 3
2123 Saving money on fire wood. 1.1759 0.04525 108 93 11 4
2124 What?! The washing machine is broken and my feet are cold! 1.1759 0.04329 108 92 13 3
2125 Don't frown, there's one left. 1.1759 0.04124 108 91 15 2
2126 I call this 'wearable Christmas'. Guess where the mistletoe is. 1.1759 0.04329 108 92 13 3
2127 What do you mean they’re not my presents? 1.1759 0.04329 108 92 13 3
2128 Al misread your Christmas wishlist as something to warm the soul. 1.1759 0.04329 108 92 13 3
2129 WE BOTH KNOW THAT MINE IS JUST FOR DECORATION ANYWAY 1.1759 0.04329 108 92 13 3
2130 Something’s gotta get stuffed around here 1.1759 0.03909 108 90 17 1
2131 Money is tight, we need something to fill the stockings. 1.1758 0.04840 91 78 10 3
2132 Coal is bad for the environment. 1.1757 0.03678 148 126 18 4
2133 Yes and Alice B Toklas brownies for Christmas eve, too. 1.1756 0.04124 131 113 13 5
2134 I better remove the candy 1.1756 0.03829 131 111 17 3
2135 On the fifth day of Christmas my true love gave to me 3 stockings, a wreath and a log. 1.1756 0.03829 131 111 17 3
2136 Again, the cleaners misplaced your Uggs. 1.1756 0.03979 131 112 15 4
2137 I’m sorry there’s not an extra stocking for you but you can just hop around on that one until the furnace gets fixed. 1.1754 0.04535 114 99 10 5
2138 They said we had to don we now our gay apparel, and the wreath isn't flattering, so... 1.1754 0.04360 114 98 12 4
2139 I need another leg! 1.1754 0.03988 114 96 16 2
2140 I'll fill the stockings if you make the latkes. 1.1754 0.03789 114 95 18 1
2141 Not the thigh highs I had in mind 1.1754 0.04178 114 97 14 3
2142 You wanna get outta here? 1.1754 0.04535 114 99 10 5
2143 Something in this house ought to be well hung. 1.1753 0.05079 97 85 7 5
2144 We can hang them after my feet warm up. 1.1753 0.04399 97 82 13 2
2145 I heard Santa is using Amazon this year. 1.1753 0.04148 97 81 15 1
2146 I thought you liked feet? 1.1753 0.04399 97 82 13 2
2147 Fine, you wear the stalkings in this house. 1.1752 0.03862 137 117 16 4
2148 I hope Santa will fill both my socks with coal so we can have a bigger fire 1.1752 0.03721 137 116 18 3
2149 If you've been a good boy all year Santa may bring you the second one. 1.1750 0.04211 120 103 13 4
2150 And you want me to hang a candy cane on my what now? Real mature, Sharon. 1.1750 0.04211 120 103 13 4
2151 And what do you suppose I should wear on my right foot? 1.1750 0.03864 120 101 17 2
2152 I'm going for a walk, that's "where"! Everything seems so fake this year, from the electric Yule log to the polyester Christmas tree... even my civility to your parents. Right now, my outrage at you is feigned. Did you need anything from the CVS? 1.1748 0.04247 143 126 9 8
2153 Wait til you see your mitten! 1.1748 0.04455 103 88 12 3
2154 Yeah, we should have had the second child, shouldn't we. 1.1748 0.04664 103 89 10 4
2155 If you want two socks, do the laundry, Dude. 1.1748 0.04664 103 89 10 4
2156 I'm telling you, this feetfinder thing WILL end up paying the rent 1.1748 0.04236 103 87 14 2
2157 It was only then that Mark finally stopped asking Susan for help bringing in the groceries. 1.1748 0.04455 103 88 12 3
2158 To make sure my point about your aim in the bathroom hits home, that’s why. 1.1746 0.04228 126 109 12 5
2159 It’s ok, I’m Jew-ish 1.1746 0.04228 126 109 12 5
2160 The boots at the store were too expensive. 1.1746 0.03916 126 107 16 3
2161 How did you know I wanted Boombas? 1.1746 0.04228 126 109 12 5
2162 The kids are using ours for their annual night before Christmas sock puppet show 1.1746 0.03751 126 106 18 2
2163 I am going dashing through the snow! 1.1746 0.03916 126 107 16 3
2164 Santa’s socks aren’t too big to fill after all! 1.1746 0.04519 126 111 8 7
2165 If you've ever had cold feet you would understand. 1.1746 0.04228 126 109 12 5
2166 Bet this’ll get me on Santa’s naughty list. 1.1746 0.03916 126 107 16 3
2167 I thought I would repurpose them. 1.1745 0.03529 149 126 20 3
2168 This way we don't need stocking stuffers. 1.1743 0.04090 109 92 15 2
2169 The true stocking stuffer. 1.1743 0.04090 109 92 15 2
2170 It's just until you get the gas logs working. 1.1743 0.04090 109 92 15 2
2171 It was 'turkey legs' at Thanksgiving, now this?" 1.1743 0.04292 109 93 13 3
2172 I am keeping these on, until we turn the heating up. 1.1743 0.04090 109 92 15 2
2173 Now, hand me the hula hoop. 1.1743 0.04292 109 93 13 3
2174 I don’t know if you could tell by my bangs and my new modern yet whimsically nostalgic sense of style, but I want a divorce. 1.1743 0.04486 109 94 11 4
2175 Here. For you. 1.1742 0.03951 132 113 15 4
2176 One of us has to get the dog out. 1.1742 0.03484 132 110 21 1
2177 The are still socks after all. 1.1739 0.03956 115 97 16 2
2178 Don’t need candy. Need warm toes. 1.1739 0.04325 115 99 12 4
2179 It's normal, the day before, to get cold feet. 1.1739 0.04145 115 98 14 3
2180 Bombas Shmombas! 1.1739 0.04325 115 99 12 4
2181 I'll definitely need the bigger fit! 1.1739 0.04145 115 98 14 3
2182 Why so upset? You know Santa's just going to put coals in them, right? 1.1739 0.04535 92 78 12 2
2183 Well, someone had to fill them 1.1739 0.04145 115 98 14 3
2184 This is the family tradition I was mentioning. 1.1739 0.03696 138 117 18 3
2185 Socks or stockings. Heat or rent. You can’t have both. 1.1739 0.03972 138 119 14 5
2186 Look, Frank. I've told you over and over that I need new boots. AI just taught me how to convince you. 1.1736 0.03457 121 100 21 0
2187 I'm sorry. I saw socks. I thought, "Hanukkah present." 1.1736 0.04179 121 104 13 4
2188 What? They’re great for long flights. 1.1736 0.04179 121 104 13 4
2189 What's the problem? You said you have a stocking fetish. 1.1736 0.04011 121 103 15 3
2190 I was looking for these, where did you find them 1.1736 0.03835 121 102 17 2
2191 You know… It’s not the 80s. Women don’t wear stockings anymore. 1.1736 0.04011 121 103 15 3
2192 You refuse to build a fire! 1.1735 0.04109 98 82 15 1
2193 Did you put coal in these? 1.1735 0.04109 98 82 15 1
2194 Honey, to tell you the truth I was getting cold feet about celebrating my first Christmas with you. 1.1735 0.05030 98 86 7 5
2195 These are too cute to waste on trinkets. 1.1732 0.03724 127 107 18 2
2196 You said to stay toe-sty 1.1732 0.03724 127 107 18 2
2197 You didn’t want to light the fire! 1.1732 0.03552 127 106 20 1
2198 I…didn’t know how to light the fire and I was getting cold. 1.1732 0.03888 127 108 16 3
2199 Stock footage? 1.1731 0.04415 104 89 12 3
2200 Some grapes, some yeast, a few stomps, and Santa won't just be getting milk this year. 1.1731 0.04622 104 90 10 4
2201 I don't care if I ruined your decorations - I'm cold! 1.1731 0.04199 104 88 14 2
2202 Great , Do you expect Me to Hop ? 1.1731 0.03970 104 87 16 1
2203 At this point I'll try anything for my plantar fasciitis. 1.1729 0.03621 133 112 19 2
2204 Oh. When you said Christmas stockings, I just presumed... 1.1729 0.03621 133 112 19 2
2205 What?!! I took the coal out first! 1.1729 0.03923 133 114 15 4
2206 so santa has a shoe fetish 1.1727 0.04448 110 95 11 4
2207 Just alternate with the remaining stocking until the heat returns. 1.1727 0.04055 110 93 15 2
2208 Chad, why the look? You said I’m hotter with my stockings on. 1.1727 0.03621 110 91 19 0
2209 Let’s see what your mother has to say about my Christmas spirit THIS year 1.1727 0.04055 110 93 15 2
2210 For me it’s a dream come true! 1.1724 0.03522 116 96 20 0
2211 Forty years old and finally the truth about Santa Claus. I might as well do something useful with these. 1.1724 0.04112 116 99 14 3
2212 I told you we should have had another child! 1.1724 0.04112 116 99 14 3
2213 I think they look cuter on me. 1.1724 0.04290 116 100 12 4
2214 cost of living crisis 1.1724 0.03729 116 97 18 1
2215 I asked for socks for Christmas not stockings!! 1.1724 0.04112 116 99 14 3
2216 You should get me something else for Christmas, I’ve already got a pair of socks right here. 1.1724 0.03925 116 98 16 2
2217 It’s called role playing Harry. I’m your stocking stuffer. 1.1724 0.03729 116 97 18 1
2218 I know it’s cold outside, but I really can’t stay…and don’t call me, “baby”. 1.1724 0.04290 116 100 12 4
2219 we could try the potato sack race style 1.1721 0.04147 122 105 13 4
2220 Of course I'm Jewish like my profile says. Oy vey, why do you ask? 1.1721 0.04147 122 105 13 4
2221 Can’t afford silk this year 1.1721 0.03980 122 104 15 3
2222 My therapist told me I needed to be more present... Surprise 1.1721 0.04307 122 106 11 5
2223 If the radiant floor heating isn’t installed before Christmas, something else around here is going to be ice cold. 1.1720 0.04743 93 80 10 3
2224 Well, you said to stuff the stockings 1.1720 0.04221 93 78 14 1
2225 It’s a fake fireplace. 1.1719 0.04166 128 111 12 5
2226 Whatever works for you, honey… 1.1719 0.03348 128 106 22 0
2227 Are you sure this is the idea you want to send to Shark Tank? 1.1719 0.04016 128 110 14 4
2228 No, they don’t make your head look fat. 1.1719 0.04166 128 111 12 5
2229 So… I’m guessing you want socks for Christmas. 1.1719 0.03697 128 108 18 2
2230 What are you-” “Put a stock in it Paul” 1.1719 0.03697 128 108 18 2
2231 I've been thinking... we should have a another kid. 1.1719 0.03697 128 108 18 2
2232 I value warm feet more than anything Santa could stuff in here. 1.1717 0.04549 99 85 11 3
2233 These boots are made of stockings. And that's just what I'll do. One of these days I'm gonna stock all over yule. 1.1717 0.04771 99 86 9 4
2234 No fire, no smoke. So I'm reducing my carbon footprint, and keeping my feet warm. 1.1717 0.04071 99 83 15 1
2235 I must’ve been bad this year because now my feet are coaled 1.1717 0.04549 99 85 11 3
2236 Everything will be either edible or wearable this year 1.1717 0.04549 99 85 11 3
2237 It’s called “girl math” 1.1716 0.04037 134 116 13 5
2238 It just seemed like such a waste to hang them above the fireplace. 1.1714 0.04162 105 89 14 2
2239 And I can't be the gift? 1.1714 0.04162 105 89 14 2
2240 Try it without the chocolate gift box. 1.1714 0.04376 105 90 12 3
2241 Why not? I think what we did in the bedroom puts us on the naughty list. 1.1714 0.04162 105 89 14 2
2242 If you insist on keeping the thermostat at 62 we'll have to get creative. 1.1712 0.03813 111 93 17 1
2243 Do you think it will be ok to go out in them if I need to because they really don't match, do they? 1.1712 0.04220 111 95 13 3
2244 Ok babe, WHERE did you find compression stockings!? 1.1712 0.04592 111 97 9 5
2245 Surprise! I'm your present! 1.1709 0.04079 117 100 14 3
2246 Well, quit turning off the heater all the time. 1.1709 0.03700 117 98 18 1
2247 With our wedding coming up soon, I don’t want to take any chances. 1.1709 0.04256 117 101 12 4
2248 You don’t have to get me socks I promise. I have a hack 1.1709 0.03894 117 99 16 2
2249 Time to get naughty - we could use some coal. 1.1707 0.04427 123 108 9 6
2250 Sorry babe, you’re gonna just have to wear one. 1.1707 0.03950 123 105 15 3
2251 I love your stocking stuffers! 1.1707 0.03778 123 104 17 2
2252 This is not what I meant by 'Christmas-theme stockings' for the party. 1.1707 0.04274 123 107 11 5
2253 The coal keeps my feet warm. 1.1705 0.03987 129 111 14 4
2254 This is a great way to deal with empty nest syndrome, 1.1705 0.03832 129 110 16 3
2255 You said put on something sexy. 1.1705 0.03987 129 111 14 4
2256 I thought socks that don’t match were trendy these days. 1.1705 0.03671 129 109 18 2
2257 He,s a fat guy. So I think these will do it! 1.1704 0.03869 135 116 15 4
2258 Don't worry; the lump of coal will remove the smell. 1.1704 0.04009 135 117 13 5
2259 Is there a gift receipt? 1.1704 0.03572 135 114 19 2
2260 How will Saint Nicholas know we have only one young one! 1.1701 0.03530 147 125 19 3
2261 You said we couldn’t turn the heat up? 1.1701 0.03396 147 124 21 2
2262 I'm out of nylons." 1.1700 0.04277 100 85 13 2
2263 Maybe we should suspend the no underwear and no socks gifting this year. 1.1700 0.04034 100 84 15 1
2264 This is what I get for marrying a foot fetishist. 1.1698 0.04338 106 91 12 3
2265 Of course you should put that stocking on. We know that Santa would prefer we keep warm. 1.1698 0.04338 106 91 12 3
2266 Next time, don't get me a fruitcake. 1.1698 0.04338 106 91 12 3
2267 I was more amused last month when you put the turkey on your head. 1.1698 0.04540 106 92 10 4
2268 It was a perfect fit . . . before the coal. 1.1698 0.03902 106 89 16 1
2269 No more coal for me. 1.1698 0.04126 106 90 14 2
2270 You have no idea how naughty my bunions have been this year. 1.1698 0.04540 106 92 10 4
2271 We'll have to take turns going outside. 1.1696 0.03988 112 95 15 2
2272 If the stocking doesn’t fit Santa must acquit! 1.1696 0.04185 112 96 13 3
2273 If you must know, the reason I don't wear your stocking is because the coal hurts my feet. 1.1696 0.04185 112 96 13 3
2274 We must, indeed, all hang together or, most assuredly, we shall all hang separately. Benjamin Franklin. 1.1696 0.04185 112 96 13 3
2275 They're as snug as our budget. 1.1696 0.03781 112 94 17 1
2276 If you put your left foot down, you'll crush the kitten. 1.1696 0.04373 112 97 11 4
2277 I thought this would be more effective than putting coal in their stockings. 1.1696 0.04553 112 98 9 5
2278 Yule first. 1.1696 0.03988 112 95 15 2
2279 George, why do you keep hanging my orthopedic Christmas stockings by the fire with care? 1.1696 0.04373 112 97 11 4
2280 I’m keeping them warm ,for Santa . 1.1696 0.04373 112 97 11 4
2281 What? You told me not to buy any more shoes. 1.1696 0.04185 112 96 13 3
2282 What, I'm not enough for you? 1.1695 0.04222 118 102 12 4
2283 Since we can't light the fire tonight, I need some way to keep my feet warm. 1.1695 0.04390 118 103 10 5
2284 Sorry, one of your feet is going to be cold. Next time bring your own pair. 1.1695 0.03864 118 100 16 2
2285 We both know I’m getting coal anyway. 1.1694 0.04084 124 107 13 4
2286 What? Their Balenciaga 1.1694 0.03921 124 106 15 3
2287 Since we do not have kids, I thought I could wear them instead of just hanging them up. 1.1694 0.03921 124 106 15 3
2288 I thought I'd give Santa a little present in the stocking this year 1.1694 0.03921 124 106 15 3
2289 All I want for Christmas is foot surgery. 1.1694 0.03750 124 105 17 2
2290 What? It´s Christmas season on Feetfinder, too. 1.1694 0.03921 124 106 15 3
2291 This is for bootleg liquor. 1.1692 0.03477 130 109 20 1
2292 Warm feet are the best present 1.1692 0.03958 130 112 14 4
2293 No free feet pics until Christmas 1.1692 0.03645 130 110 18 2
2294 Today's the vlog day, why are you looking at me like that? 1.1692 0.04106 130 113 12 5
2295 You did say you liked me in stockings 😏 1.1691 0.03698 136 116 17 3
2296 I forgot to do laundry and I’m late for work! 1.1690 0.03867 142 123 14 5
2297 Why are my stockings getting smaller? 1.1689 0.03881 148 129 13 6
2298 I can’t afford Skims 1.1684 0.04650 95 82 10 3
2299 You get the Sock of Christmas Future. 1.1683 0.04465 101 87 11 3
2300 I'm preparing your best gift for Christmas 1.1683 0.04238 101 86 13 2
2301 You forgot to log in. 1.1683 0.03997 101 85 15 1
2302 I used the coal to heat the house. 1.1682 0.04090 107 91 14 2
2303 They're from Coal-Hahn. 1.1682 0.04090 107 91 14 2
2304 I've been invited to the White House. 1.1682 0.04500 107 93 10 4
2305 Look, it is a difficult time. I would appreciate no judgement. 1.1682 0.04300 107 92 12 3
2306 I said it was a good time of year to take stock, not stockings! 1.1682 0.04300 107 92 12 3
2307 Now get the hacksaw and the kids will wake to a marvellous gift. 1.1682 0.03868 107 90 16 1
2308 I found the Gummies you hid from the kids. 1.1682 0.04300 107 92 12 3
2309 Coal is so yesterday, wait till those brats get a whiff of these dogs 1.1682 0.04692 107 94 8 5
2310 I'm going out to buy the stuffers. Scratch tickets and Hershey kisses 1.1682 0.04877 107 95 6 6
2311 Now, don’t tickle me when you put in the presents. Well, maybe just a little. 1.1682 0.03868 107 90 16 1
2312 I think the kids may have been hoping for a different stocking stuffer! 1.1681 0.04151 113 97 13 3
2313 Don't judge- I'm a Jew. 1.1681 0.03956 113 96 15 2
2314 If you don't like it you can clean the chimney your way 1.1681 0.03956 113 96 15 2
2315 Just stepping into christmas. 1.1681 0.04015 119 102 14 3
2316 OMG! The Perfect gift!!! 1.1681 0.03643 119 100 18 1
2317 Sorry dear, you snooze, you lose. 1.1681 0.04189 119 103 12 4
2318 I can't afford UGGS! 1.1681 0.04015 119 102 14 3
2319 Is that a lump of coal I'm feeling? 1.1681 0.04015 119 102 14 3
2320 Your present is my presence 1.1681 0.04189 119 103 12 4
2321 If you won’t let me light the fire, I’ll have to resort to extreme measures. 1.1681 0.03442 119 99 20 0
2322 I'LL HANG THEM UP CHRISTMAS EVE BEFORE WE GO TO BED... 1.1680 0.04054 125 108 13 4
2323 That's why I never put my stockings in the dryer. 1.1680 0.03544 125 105 19 1
2324 You're sure this wasn't a last-minute gift idea? 1.1680 0.03722 125 106 17 2
2325 We have four feet and only three Christmas stockings between us. Yes, that is odd! 1.1680 0.03891 125 107 15 3
2326 These will go great with that Christmas sweater that makes all that fake snow! 1.1679 0.03778 131 112 16 3
2327 Does this mean the wedding is off? 1.1679 0.03955 137 119 13 5
2328 Not the role play that I was hoping for. 1.1667 0.04461 108 94 10 4
2329 It's actually this year's hottest fashion trend! 1.1667 0.03695 126 107 17 2
2330 Guess we'll have to have another kid. 1.1667 0.03924 114 97 15 2
2331 You said: "All I want for Christmas is you." 1.1667 0.05058 96 85 6 5
2332 You weren't going to fill my stocking anyway. 1.1667 0.04048 132 115 12 5
2333 Yeah, they’re mismatched. So what? 1.1667 0.03961 102 86 15 1
2334 This will get the message across as much as any lump of coal. 1.1667 0.03695 126 107 17 2
2335 At my age, being warm is the only present I want. 1.1667 0.03791 138 119 15 4
2336 It's bipartisan: the left is planting a tree, while the right has a traditional snowman with carrot nose and coal eyes. 1.1667 0.04179 126 110 11 5
2337 I’m going to the Holiday Bazaar. 1.1667 0.04424 102 88 11 3
2338 Apparel these days just isn’t as gay as it used to be. 1.1667 0.03594 132 112 18 2
2339 Don't knock it til you stuff it. 1.1667 0.04055 108 92 14 2
2340 It's okay, we don't have to turn the heat up. 1.1667 0.03863 126 108 15 3
2341 Except for the candy cane stabbing my toe, they fit perfectly. 1.1667 0.03721 114 96 17 1
2342 Don’t you get it? Jeez! Take your clothes off before I change my mind! 1.1667 0.04117 114 98 13 3
2343 I'm jumping into Christmas feet first the year. 1.1667 0.04604 96 83 10 3
2344 Waste not want not 1.1667 0.03721 114 96 17 1
2345 I hope you kept the receipt Susan 1.1667 0.04055 108 92 14 2
2346 What!?! Who hasn’t worn them three weeks before Christmas at least once in their life? 1.1667 0.03721 114 96 17 1
2347 I’ve been really bad this year. I’m measuring my carbon footprint. 1.1667 0.04461 108 94 10 4
2348 honey, we don’t need resort to this. Let me just turn the heat on 1.1667 0.03804 120 102 16 2
2349 Onlyfans says these are priceless. 1.1667 0.04117 114 98 13 3
2350 Can you help me get the wreath on next? 1.1667 0.04263 108 93 12 3
2351 My feet are cold. Lynn Jacobs, Metairie, Louisiana 1.1655 0.03624 139 119 17 3
2352 Better utility and less chance of disappointment. 1.1654 0.03725 133 114 16 3
2353 ...but isn't a stocking just a sock? 1.1654 0.03668 127 108 17 2
2354 What if I want presents by the boot full? 1.1654 0.03493 127 107 19 1
2355 I’m stalking Santa this year. 1.1654 0.03834 127 109 15 3
2356 Well that explains why the kids say the smell of cheese reminds them of christmas 🧀🦶 1.1654 0.04296 127 112 9 6
2357 Your mother knitted two for me and one for you. 1.1653 0.03953 121 104 14 3
2358 I'm not from here 1.1653 0.03588 121 102 18 1
2359 Sorry. Didn't you say "Let's get it on with some festive socks around the fireplace" ? 1.1653 0.04124 121 105 12 4
2360 I hear its all the rage amongst tik-tac's fashionistas. 1.1653 0.04124 121 105 12 4
2361 Don't you dare touch that thermostat. 1.1653 0.03775 121 103 16 2
2362 They're still a little damp. Let's just light the fire. 1.1653 0.03953 121 104 14 3
2363 It's giving sexy Santa. 1.1653 0.03775 121 103 16 2
2364 What? You didn’t light the fireplace. 1.1653 0.04124 121 105 12 4
2365 Did I mention I need a washing machine for Christmas ? 1.1652 0.04441 115 101 9 5
2366 I warned you Ralph! No Crocs! 1.1652 0.04083 115 99 13 3
2367 Screw the empty nest syndrome, let’s live a little! 1.1652 0.04266 115 100 11 4
2368 Must have lost your other sock in the wash last Christmas. 1.1652 0.04266 115 100 11 4
2369 Storage space is so hard to come by, finally I can wear different socks 1.1652 0.04441 115 101 9 5
2370 You thought outside the box, I'll give you that. 1.1652 0.04441 115 101 9 5
2371 These are for me. Maybe Santa will bring you the other one next Christmas. 1.1652 0.03892 115 98 15 2
2372 Can you please stop putting my stockings in the dryer? None of these match. 1.1651 0.04423 109 95 10 4
2373 You asked me to put on stockings, I'm putting on stockings. What's this look? 1.1651 0.04611 109 96 8 5
2374 Well, I think you're forgetting our heartfelt mutual commitment to minimalism. 1.1651 0.04020 109 93 14 2
2375 Yes, I think you can get them both in there. 1.1651 0.04020 109 93 14 2
2376 I was sorta hoping for a new iPhone 1.1651 0.04226 109 94 12 3
2377 I don't need any slippers for Christmas 1.1651 0.03803 109 92 16 1
2378 If we only get them out once a year I really want to get good use out of them. 1.1651 0.04226 109 94 12 3
2379 Well, what you get for a partner with a foot fetish? 1.1650 0.04161 103 88 13 2
2380 Those aren't the stockings I bought you and you know it 1.1650 0.04161 103 88 13 2
2381 No, I washed my feet first. 1.1650 0.03926 103 87 15 1
2382 There's a new elf in town. 1.1650 0.04384 103 89 11 3
2383 With care, now. 1.1650 0.04384 103 89 11 3
2384 I got here first. You'll have to have one cold foot. 1.1650 0.04161 103 88 13 2
2385 With the New Year around the corner I've resolved to give up on tap dancing. 1.1650 0.04596 103 90 9 4
2386 What do you mean you want a "super-divorce"? 1.1650 0.04993 103 92 5 6
2387 Why is there one Ugg on the Fireplace? 1.1650 0.03926 103 87 15 1
2388 You put your left foot in… 1.1650 0.04384 103 89 11 3
2389 It's just more practical this way. 1.1649 0.04318 97 83 12 2
2390 And please don't tell me what your ex used these for! 1.1649 0.04318 97 83 12 2
2391 I think having me as a mom is the best gift a kid can get 1.1649 0.04560 97 84 10 3
2392 I thought I'd try on being naughty not nice. 1.1642 0.03699 134 115 16 3
2393 “It’s called downsizing.” 1.1642 0.03382 134 113 20 1
2394 You can run around barefoot. My toes are friggin’ freezin’! 1.1641 0.04264 128 113 9 6
2395 Is it my turn to do the laundry? 1.1641 0.03468 128 108 19 1
2396 Ambien? No no, that was an advil I took. 1.1641 0.03641 128 109 17 2
2397 The list said something “priceless”… 1.1641 0.03965 128 111 13 4
2398 I’m testing out some festive themes for feet finder 1.1641 0.03468 128 108 19 1
2399 All I want for Christmas is you, plus a little extra. 1.1639 0.03923 122 105 14 3
2400 The inside is still slick from the eels you gave me last year. 1.1639 0.04255 122 107 10 5
2401 They're with their in-laws this year. 1.1638 0.03861 116 99 15 2
2402 As a matter of fact, no. I haven’t heard of Christmas before, Clark.” 1.1638 0.04232 116 101 11 4
2403 Please. This is the only time of year my feet are warm. 1.1638 0.04051 116 100 13 3
2404 Sally, we should have had another child. 1.1638 0.04051 116 100 13 3
2405 I asked you nicely to turn up the heat. 1.1638 0.04232 116 101 11 4
2406 To hell with holiday spirit. I want some Uggs. 1.1638 0.03861 116 99 15 2
2407 I read online it’s good for stress reduction. 1.1638 0.03662 116 98 17 1
2408 These are socks, right? 1.1638 0.04051 116 100 13 3
2409 Well, if Santa really isn't going to come. 1.1636 0.04385 110 96 10 4
2410 These Boots Are Made for Walkin 1.1636 0.03986 110 94 14 2
2411 Last Christmas I used the wreath as a belt 1.1636 0.04385 110 96 10 4
2412 How much egg nog did you put in the rum? 1.1636 0.04385 110 96 10 4
2413 tis the season to be jolly, now put on the other stocking and stuff it! 1.1636 0.03986 110 94 14 2
2414 This Christmas, we can't afford to fill the stockings or put the heating on. 1.1636 0.03986 110 94 14 2
2415 The directions are in the song. They only have to be hung if they are by a fire. 1.1636 0.04190 110 95 12 3
2416 I'm filling my own stockings this year. 1.1635 0.04124 104 89 13 2
2417 You don't get the hint, do you? 1.1635 0.04345 104 90 11 3
2418 Your ones with the coal are a lot heavier. 1.1635 0.04124 104 89 13 2
2419 Either turn up the heat or all you're getting is coal in your stocking. 1.1635 0.04124 104 89 13 2
2420 This is great! Now which way is the underwear fireplace? 1.1635 0.04124 104 89 13 2
2421 The other one contained coal so I threw it out. 1.1635 0.03891 104 88 15 1
2422 And you said my fetish was weird. 1.1635 0.04345 104 90 11 3
2423 Don't forget to light my fire! 1.1635 0.04755 104 92 7 5
2424 Turn that heat on or nobody's getting anything for Christmas! 1.1635 0.04345 104 90 11 3
2425 Ready to put your "All I want for Christmas is you" song obsession to the test? 1.1633 0.04277 98 84 12 2
2426 What? It’s not like you were going to fill them. 1.1633 0.04743 98 86 8 4
2427 I'm leaving you for Chris. 1.1633 0.04516 98 85 10 3
2428 I guess that one's for naughty. These are nice. 1.1633 0.04277 98 84 12 2
2429 Well, they’re not going to stuff themselves. 1.1633 0.04277 98 84 12 2
2430 Are you trying to tell me I have two left feet? 1.1630 0.05190 92 82 5 5
2431 I put the treetop star in the closet so we can see what the heck we're looking at in there. 1.1628 0.05194 86 76 6 4
2432 Now that the kids are gone, I thought it was time to repurpose 1.1628 0.03444 129 109 19 1
2433 Well you said all you want for Christmas is me so… 1.1628 0.03779 129 111 15 3
2434 Get the hint Ken, stop buying me socks for Christmas 1.1628 0.03615 129 110 17 2
2435 Why did you think I told you to get two for yourself, Jerry? 1.1628 0.03936 129 112 13 4
2436 TikTok told me to." 1.1626 0.03893 123 106 14 3
2437 Are you sure that I am better than coal? 1.1626 0.04061 123 107 12 4
2438 You were right. I should have removed the stocking stuffers before putting them on. 1.1626 0.03893 123 106 14 3
2439 Well in this economy, you gotta not only fake it to make it but reuse it and abuse it . 1.1626 0.03718 123 105 16 2
2440 But what could be sweeter than me? 1.1626 0.03718 123 105 16 2
2441 Now that we’re empty- nesters I figured I’d put these to good use! 1.1626 0.03718 123 105 16 2
2442 I heard these make one feel frisky. 1.1626 0.03893 123 106 14 3
2443 I’ve decided to live my life literally. 1.1626 0.03718 123 105 16 2
2444 It's in holiday season. 1.1624 0.03633 117 99 17 1
2445 It’s either this or you turn the thermostat up 1.1624 0.04018 117 101 13 3
2446 There's only one stocking left, no fire, and I've got cold feet! 1.1624 0.04198 117 102 11 4
2447 Stop! Don't move! I just remembered Frank was messing around with his Legos today." 1.1624 0.04198 117 102 11 4
2448 What? I’m allergic to nylon. 1.1624 0.03424 117 98 19 0
2449 Only one place I can think of for you to wear that last sock. 1.1622 0.04710 111 99 6 6
2450 Since your Christmas gifts usually suck, the solutionist in me has taken a proactive approach. 1.1622 0.04155 111 96 12 3
2451 This is how it works; I put on the stockings and hop towards you, then you close your eyes and imagine that I am all the gifts you will have to buy this year. 1.1622 0.04155 111 96 12 3
2452 They are warmer than regular socks. 1.1622 0.04155 111 96 12 3
2453 Our Very First Interfaith Christmas 1.1622 0.04532 111 98 8 5
2454 Christmas is so complicated... 1.1622 0.03740 111 94 16 1
2455 I was twice as nice as you last year so I got these in a wide width too. 1.1620 0.03824 142 124 13 5
2456 Okay baby,I'm your stocking filler !! 1.1620 0.03824 142 124 13 5
2457 Honey, I meant your OTHER holiday stockings… 1.1619 0.03857 105 89 15 1
2458 If we have another child, you’ll have a pair too. Or we can just buy socks. 1.1619 0.04088 105 90 13 2
2459 I sure hope Santa delivers on those heat pumps this year. 1.1619 0.03857 105 89 15 1
2460 Keeps him from putting coal in them. 1.1619 0.04088 105 90 13 2
2461 I'm trying to win the ugly footwear contest at my office holiday party this year. 1.1619 0.04306 105 91 11 3
2462 It's fine, I'm late...but if you just did the laundry like I asked... 1.1619 0.03857 105 89 15 1
2463 The stockings were put on my icy-cold feet, In hopes that St. Nicholas would turn up the heat. 1.1619 0.03857 105 89 15 1
2464 It's the only way that my stocking will be full. 1.1619 0.04514 105 92 9 4
2465 You know the old saying, if the Christmas stocking fits, wear it. 1.1616 0.04237 99 85 12 2
2466 I like to break them in first. 1.1616 0.03986 99 84 14 1
2467 This will save us exponentially in the stuffers department. 1.1616 0.03986 99 84 14 1
2468 Sally knew she'd get away with being Alan's Christmas gift, she just didn't have the right size box. 1.1616 0.04698 99 87 8 4
2469 Until you put the heating on, this is what's happening 1.1616 0.04698 99 87 8 4
2470 Thank you for the new stockings! Why are there only three? 1.1616 0.04473 99 86 10 3
2471 Socks really are the best gift once you reach a certain age. 1.1615 0.03240 130 109 21 0
2472 Are you anti-Christmas or just cold? 1.1615 0.03908 130 113 13 4
2473 ... but they were on sale! 1.1615 0.03908 130 113 13 4
2474 What? It’s laundry day. 1.1613 0.04128 93 79 13 1
2475 I wonder if these are one size fits all 1.1613 0.03864 124 107 14 3
2476 I got cold feet. 1.1613 0.03864 124 107 14 3
2477 Maybe it’s the eggnog talking but that wreath looks like Colonel Sanders. 1.1613 0.03691 124 106 16 2
2478 You said you wanted a gift money can't buy. 1.1613 0.03508 124 105 18 1
2479 Is this full enough for you, dear? 1.1613 0.04190 124 109 10 5
2480 The only problem with Christmas is I end up going barefoot. 1.1613 0.03508 124 105 18 1
2481 I thought you said stockings would spice things up in the bedroom Manuka Clarke - FARR WEST LINGERIE 1.1613 0.04402 93 80 11 2
2482 You think those hooks will hold? 1.1613 0.03864 124 107 14 3
2483 Great egg nog honey! 1.1610 0.03986 118 102 13 3
2484 Don’t you fucken judge me 1.1610 0.04335 118 104 9 5
2485 What happend to your other sock? At your girlfriend's place 1.1610 0.04164 118 103 11 4
2486 Well I might as well wear them. I know you got me socks AGAIN... 1.1610 0.03986 118 102 13 3
2487 What? They’re cheaper than Uggs. 1.1610 0.03605 118 100 17 1
2488 It was meant to be a surprise - you always said you only wanted me for Christmas. 1.1607 0.04120 112 97 12 3
2489 When removing decorations you said to jump in first first. 1.1607 0.03920 112 96 14 2
2490 Remind me to take these off before Santa comes. 1.1607 0.03710 112 95 16 1
2491 Is there something you need to tell me? 1.1607 0.03486 112 94 18 0
2492 The stockings were hung by the chimney with a spare. 1.1607 0.04311 112 98 10 4
2493 Just until my other pair get out of the dryer. 1.1607 0.04311 112 98 10 4
2494 Better put a sock on; I just stepped into chocolate goo. 1.1607 0.03710 112 95 16 1
2495 At least your Mom can't accuse me of putting my foot in my mouth 1.1607 0.04120 112 97 12 3
2496 I thrifted them 1.1607 0.03920 112 96 14 2
2497 You know, Walter, it seems that as a mom, this is the ONLY way I can get MY stocking filled. 1.1607 0.04120 112 97 12 3
2498 I think the man online wanted to buy your other used stockings, honey 1.1604 0.04052 106 91 13 2
2499 I wanted more for Chrismas than you. 1.1604 0.04474 106 93 9 4
2500 Uggh... 1.1604 0.04268 106 92 11 3
2501 Mom is finding subtle ways to hint that she's sick of being the only one with an empty stocking every year. 1.1604 0.04474 106 93 9 4
2502 I use the other one as a toque. 1.1604 0.04268 106 92 11 3
2503 I thought since the kids are out of the house, I would put these to use. 1.1604 0.03824 106 90 15 1
2504 This is why supply side economics doesn’t work. 1.1604 0.04268 106 92 11 3
2505 Now that Santa's done his thing with these, I'll do mine. 1.1604 0.04052 106 91 13 2
2506 Yeah, well fishnet stockings were too expensive, Carl. 1.1604 0.04268 106 92 11 3
2507 It’s an UGG sweater party 1.1604 0.04268 106 92 11 3
2508 I should have emptied them first... 1.1603 0.03395 131 111 19 1
2509 It's a boring cartoon, right? Maybe Canadian?" 1.1603 0.04028 131 115 11 5
2510 I should have taken the coal out first 1.1603 0.04028 131 115 11 5
2511 I’m really into practical gifts. 1.1603 0.03725 131 113 15 3
2512 Does this mean your answer is yes? 1.1600 0.04158 125 110 10 5
2513 This way, I know I'll end up with something I can use. 1.1600 0.03949 100 85 14 1
2514 It's just till the kids get back from college. 1.1600 0.03673 150 131 14 5
2515 You've hinted all month that you want slippers; I get it. 1.1600 0.03663 125 107 16 2
2516 Well, we can't use the fireplace to keep warm. 1.1600 0.04197 100 86 12 2
2517 I know you don't believe in Santa Claus, but you don't have to rub it in. 1.1600 0.04866 100 89 6 5
2518 I hear him coming down, get ready to kick. 1.1600 0.03835 125 108 14 3
2519 Turns, we have to take turns. 1.1600 0.04431 100 87 10 3
2520 Carbon offset credit from not lighting the Yule log. 1.1600 0.04431 100 87 10 3
2521 It's supposed to reduce migraines" 1.1600 0.03663 125 107 16 2
2522 To clarify, this ISN’T what you meant by “reduce, reuse and recycle”? 1.1600 0.03949 100 85 14 1
2523 I did it all for the nookie. 1.1600 0.04654 100 88 8 4
2524 « Since Santa didn’t come, we might as well put the stockings to good use » 1.1600 0.04431 100 87 10 3
2525 With bills rising, we’ve all got to improvise, Kevin. 1.1600 0.04197 100 86 12 2
2526 Hun, I can only wear ONE stocking, b’cuz of my weird missile-toe! 1.1600 0.04000 125 109 12 4
2527 These socks never fit right 1.1597 0.03955 119 103 13 3
2528 I'm your special stocking stuffer. 1.1597 0.04300 119 105 9 5
2529 Cosmo was right! Wearing stockings does make me feel confident and sexy. 1.1597 0.04131 119 104 11 4
2530 I’m going Christmas shopping. Need anything? 1.1597 0.03771 119 102 15 2
2531 One size fits all and to all one size fits. 1.1597 0.03955 119 103 13 3
2532 I know, next year you get two and I get one 1.1596 0.04358 94 81 11 2
2533 Jamie told Claire it was an old Scottish tradition for papists in Outlander novella # 257! Take me?? 1.1596 0.04358 94 81 11 2
2534 I know what you did with your other stocking. ;-) 1.1594 0.04016 138 122 10 6
2535 I know, “ The stockings were hung by the chimney”… Don’t care!! If I am not getting Uggs, I have nothing to wear. 1.1593 0.04086 113 98 12 3
2536 Well what did you think I did with them the rest of the year then? 1.1593 0.04275 113 99 10 4
2537 Santa doesn't due mistletoe ! 1.1593 0.04086 113 98 12 3
2538 Feet are the original stocking stuffers. 1.1593 0.03888 113 97 14 2
2539 Would you mind just putting potpourri in these this year? 1.1593 0.03888 113 97 14 2
2540 They need to be stretched out. 1.1593 0.03888 113 97 14 2
2541 It’s cheaper than lighting a fire. 1.1593 0.03888 113 97 14 2
2542 yes dear, I found out about your foot fetish 1.1593 0.03888 113 97 14 2
2543 We’ll need another kid for you to have a matching set 1.1593 0.03679 113 96 16 1
2544 I couldn’t find the matches, so… 1.1593 0.04275 113 99 10 4
2545 Just for a while, my feet are cold! 1.1591 0.03699 132 114 15 3
2546 I heard Santa has a foot fetish and i want to be safe. 1.1591 0.04818 88 77 8 3
2547 Dorene said up-cycling was all the rage.” 1.1591 0.03539 132 113 17 2
2548 You got two of the three last year. 1.1591 0.03372 132 112 19 1
2549 The OG stocking stuffer. 1.1589 0.03551 107 90 17 0
2550 Heat pump is an oxymoron. 1.1589 0.03791 107 91 15 1
2551 Somebody's got to wear the booties in this family! 1.1589 0.03551 107 90 17 0
2552 Why is it sticky in these! Jeremy! Why are these stockings sticky! 1.1589 0.03791 107 91 15 1
2553 The house is drafty, so I’m just warming up ol’ Dasher and Dancer here. 1.1589 0.04017 107 92 13 2
2554 I'm putting my foot down on gift giving this year. 1.1589 0.04017 107 92 13 2
2555 What are you putting in my stocking? 1.1589 0.03791 107 91 15 1
2556 John, I'm leaving you for old St. Nick. 1.1589 0.04017 107 92 13 2
2557 In this economy, coziness makes the best stocking stuffer. 1.1589 0.04017 107 92 13 2
2558 I agree it's a little meta but it's warm 1.1589 0.04017 107 92 13 2
2559 Maybe now I won’t get cold feet about inviting your mother to Christmas dinner. 1.1589 0.04017 107 92 13 2
2560 So, with the cost of living and all, I have been saving on socks. 1.1587 0.03807 126 109 14 3
2561 Okay, Scrooge, it's time to turn on the heat. 1.1587 0.03970 126 110 12 4
2562 I'm still a Sox fan...and you still like Shoeless Joe? 1.1587 0.03636 126 108 16 2
2563 But you specifically said you wanted me to wear stockings for the holidays! 1.1587 0.03807 126 109 14 3
2564 What? Socks have gone up 30%. 1.1587 0.04127 126 111 10 5
2565 What? Socks are $20 a pair now, Gary. It’s called up-cycling. 1.1587 0.03807 126 109 14 3
2566 My feet are freezing. Light the fire! 1.1586 0.03749 145 127 13 5
2567 I’ll get the coal for you. 1.1584 0.03913 101 86 14 1
2568 The last stocking was the smallest.. but still too big for you. Just sayin. 1.1584 0.04390 101 88 10 3
2569 Seriously Roger, why don’t you get a pair? 1.1584 0.04610 101 89 8 4
2570 More like hung with flair! 1.1584 0.04390 101 88 10 3
2571 I’m sorry but cost of living crisis 🤷🏻‍♀️ 1.1584 0.04158 101 87 12 2
2572 I’m really sorry honey I thought I bought four 1.1584 0.03913 101 86 14 1
2573 Tik Tok told me knee highs were in this season 1.1584 0.04390 101 88 10 3
2574 Are you trying to tell me you need new socks for Christmas? 1.1584 0.03913 101 86 14 1
2575 Oh, honey, I meant the other stockings. 1.1583 0.03742 120 103 15 2
2576 I figured I’d save you the trouble of buying me slippers again this year. 1.1583 0.03742 120 103 15 2
2577 Another Christmas, another wardrobe malfunction. 1.1579 0.04048 95 81 13 1
2578 Not lighting a fire reduces our carbon footprint...and hopping on one foot should help you keep warm. 1.1579 0.04419 114 101 8 5
2579 I'm tired of all this commercialism- maybe I should just leave my foot in this one! 1.1579 0.04053 114 99 12 3
2580 I can keep my feet warm and polish the floor at the same time . 1.1579 0.03856 114 98 14 2
2581 I use them for stalking 1.1579 0.04053 114 99 12 3
2582 Somehow, I don’t think that’s what they mean by ‘stocking stuffers’. 1.1579 0.04053 114 99 12 3
2583 Santa doesn't have cold feet, but I do 1.1579 0.04568 95 83 9 3
2584 How can you say I'm being greedy when I literally have TWO feet? 1.1579 0.03856 114 98 14 2
2585 Think this gag will go over the kids heads? 1.1579 0.04316 95 82 11 2
2586 This'll crush those candy canes for sprinkles on their hot chocolate! 1.1579 0.04053 114 99 12 3
2587 All of my socks are too small. 1.1579 0.03430 114 96 18 0
2588 It's gonna be a Mariah Carey Christmas. 1.1579 0.04053 114 99 12 3
2589 This is just a start - wait until you see my Christmas shoes! 1.1579 0.03650 114 97 16 1
2590 Awh! I can feel the chocolate! 1.1579 0.04048 95 81 13 1
2591 You know. Just trying to make them look more vintage. 1.1579 0.03825 133 116 13 4
2592 What do you mean I'm stocking you? 1.1579 0.04240 114 100 10 4
2593 You told me you were into feet. 1.1575 0.03432 127 108 18 1
2594 You knew I had the Bedelia genes when you married me. 1.1575 0.03779 127 110 14 3
2595 Yes, I'm getting COALed feet. 1.1575 0.03779 127 110 14 3
2596 Until I see some chestnuts roasting, my cold tootsies will be the only stuffing in these stockings 1.1574 0.04194 108 94 11 3
2597 They’ll never go out of style! 1.1574 0.04194 108 94 11 3
2598 Aren't you also dressing for the Ugly Boots contest? 1.1574 0.04194 108 94 11 3
2599 Amazingly, yours was half-price. 1.1574 0.04194 108 94 11 3
2600 Well, you wanted eggnog spice it up.. What do you think my little Santa baby? 1.1574 0.04194 108 94 11 3
2601 Fido's stocking stays. 1.1574 0.04194 108 94 11 3
2602 I've just gotten tired of compression socks, that's why. 1.1574 0.04395 108 95 9 4
2603 I’ve always wanted to be gifted. 1.1574 0.03982 108 93 13 2
2604 Come with me if you want. 1.1574 0.03758 108 92 15 1
2605 I'm going to sell them on my onlyfans 1.1574 0.04194 108 94 11 3
2606 Better to put them to practical use since we can't afford to stuff them. 1.1573 0.04491 89 77 10 2
2607 Next year no metal jacks please.. 1.1570 0.04067 121 106 11 4
2608 How else am I going to keep warm when you dont start the fire 1.1570 0.04067 121 106 11 4
2609 There's coal in the third stocking for the fire or for you. 1.1570 0.03713 121 104 15 2
2610 You may have forgotten but it is Chritmas day! Merry Chritmas my dear 1.1570 0.04067 121 106 11 4
2611 Awww -- You're my favorite stocking stuffer. 1.1570 0.03894 121 105 13 3
2612 It’s a stocking stuffer for your foot fetish. 1.1570 0.04393 121 108 7 6
2613 Check out these red bottoms! 1.1570 0.03894 121 105 13 3
2614 Ok, hang me up on the mantel and act surprised in the morning. 1.1569 0.04567 102 90 8 4
2615 Slippers, what a thoughtful Christmas present! 1.1569 0.04350 102 89 10 3
2616 I’ve already filled the stockings. 1.1569 0.04350 102 89 10 3
2617 They’re tougher to fill with coal this way. 1.1569 0.03878 102 87 14 1
2618 I know what you are thinking, dear: If only the tradition involved boots, a there was a dancer's pole in yours 1.1566 0.05279 83 74 5 4
2619 It's time we had a practical holiday for once. 1.1565 0.04020 115 100 12 3
2620 So what if I start the fire and we forget about the carbon footprint? 1.1565 0.04205 115 101 10 4
2621 Well, Gerry, if you had let me get two dogs instead of one, you would have had a pair as well. 1.1565 0.04020 115 100 12 3
2622 Well we can't light the fireplace for obvious reasons, so this is how we've got to stay warm. 1.1565 0.03825 115 99 14 2
2623 I'd rather not light your fire. 1.1565 0.03403 115 97 18 0
2624 Ugly Christmas sweaters are out. 1.1565 0.03620 115 98 16 1
2625 The first two were easy, any suggestions on that one? 1.1565 0.04020 115 100 12 3
2626 You promise to stop begging, agreed? 1.1565 0.04020 115 100 12 3
2627 Well if you weren't too frugal to start a fire... 1.1565 0.04020 115 100 12 3
2628 What? Heating costs are through the roof and you know gangrene runs in my family. 1.1565 0.03403 115 97 18 0
2629 I'll put them back before midnight. 1.1565 0.04020 115 100 12 3
2630 I will put them back as soon as you turn up the heat, Scrooge. 1.1562 0.04274 96 83 11 2
2631 Austerity 1.1562 0.04066 128 113 10 5
2632 Thanks for lifting me off the mantel. 1.1562 0.03583 128 110 16 2
2633 Eso sí que es. S.O.C.K.S. 1.1562 0.04274 96 83 11 2
2634 That's all I've got! The Christmas tree skirt didn't fit! 1.1562 0.04523 96 84 9 3
2635 My presence is the present. 1.1562 0.03912 128 112 12 4
2636 Let's play stockings vs skins. 1.1562 0.03751 128 111 14 3
2637 I’ll put them back if I can change the thermostat! 1.1562 0.03408 128 109 18 1
2638 On three, I want you to lift me onto the mantel 1.1562 0.04009 96 82 13 1
2639 These will have to do until you get me those Uggs you keep promising me 1.1562 0.04009 96 82 13 1
2640 What holiday stockings did you think I was just going to slip into? 1.1560 0.03491 109 92 17 0
2641 I don't want to get mistletoe. 1.1560 0.03948 109 94 13 2
2642 They're not just decorative. 1.1560 0.03948 109 94 13 2
2643 I'm waiting on the roof this year; all night if I have to! 1.1560 0.03948 109 94 13 2
2644 This year, I am giving Santa the boot! 1.1560 0.04158 109 95 11 3
2645 Nobody is using them Chad 1.1560 0.03727 109 93 15 1
2646 Our first Christmas together and our fire is already gone 1.1560 0.04158 109 95 11 3
2647 Either you fix the fireplace, or Braden and Emily get toe fungus for Christmas. 1.1558 0.05865 77 70 2 5
2648 Well, I know you're good at hopping. 1.1557 0.03864 122 106 13 3
2649 You do WHAT with them? 1.1557 0.03864 122 106 13 3
2650 #regifting 1.1557 0.03685 122 105 15 2
2651 Go ask the O’Malley’s for another 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
2652 I'm thinking these'll be easy to take off, after shoveling out the car! 1.1556 0.03622 135 117 15 3
2653 I just hope they won’t be too disappointed to learn it’s not the smell of Santa’s feet they’ve been crazy for all these years 1.1554 0.03801 148 131 11 6
2654 I just had to try it once. 1.1553 0.03843 103 88 14 1
2655 I'm a re-gifter." 1.1553 0.04083 103 89 12 2
2656 You don’t like it? Light the fire. 1.1553 0.04310 103 90 10 3
2657 Christmas stocking faux pas 1.1553 0.04310 103 90 10 3
2658 I got your stocking stuffers right here, my little barefoot elf! 1.1553 0.04310 103 90 10 3
2659 I thought that all you wanted for Christmas was... me? 1.1553 0.03843 103 88 14 1
2660 They’ll beg for lumps of coal after getting a whiff of these. 1.1553 0.03843 103 88 14 1
2661 Yes, I do feel the warm coal. 1.1553 0.04310 103 90 10 3
2662 What? I forgot to ask Santa for SKIMS. Sometimes, you've just gotta make do. 1.1553 0.03843 103 88 14 1
2663 I’m doing Santa’s job for him 1.1552 0.03591 116 99 16 1
2664 Beat you to them. Maybe you'll get around to the laundry now. 1.1552 0.03987 116 101 12 3
2665 I think you forgot to remove the Tootsie Rolls from last year. 1.1552 0.03987 116 101 12 3
2666 Honey, I told you to stay away from 'one size fits all' items. These socks are not even in pairs. 1.1552 0.03794 116 100 14 2
2667 The heat is out . . . literally. 1.1552 0.03376 116 98 18 0
2668 It's one of the many benefits of having an empty nest. 1.1550 0.03383 129 110 18 1
2669 Now that we’re remote, I need new ways to get into the Christmas spirit. 1.1550 0.03558 129 111 16 2
2670 I’m pretty sure you're going on the naughty list after this. 1.1546 0.04479 97 85 9 3
2671 Santa put a dreidel in my sock. I feel like a schlemiel. 1.1546 0.04713 97 86 7 4
2672 He sees you when you’re sleeping, he knows when you’re awake, he knows if you’ve been bad or good or if your stockings are fake. 1.1546 0.03971 97 83 13 1
2673 Just until we find my slippers. 1.1546 0.04232 97 84 11 2
2674 Umm, can’t think of a better stocking stuffer, am I right? 1.1546 0.04232 97 84 11 2
2675 Really, honey, you shouldn't have. 1.1545 0.04690 110 99 5 6
2676 You better wear your stockings so we don't end up with coal. 1.1545 0.03915 110 95 13 2
2677 THC Eggnog hun? 1.1545 0.04122 110 96 11 3
2678 One more stocking and some matches would make it the best Christmas ever. 1.1545 0.03915 110 95 13 2
2679 Then when Santa comes to stuff my socks you tackle him ,okay" 1.1545 0.03915 110 95 13 2
2680 You think a lump of coal smells that way naturally? 1.1545 0.04122 110 96 11 3
2681 Glad you socked it to me! 1.1545 0.03915 110 95 13 2
2682 Do they fit? I picked them up last minute. 1.1545 0.03915 110 95 13 2
2683 I've spent this night with him the last five years. 1.1545 0.04122 110 96 11 3
2684 You can have them back when you turn the heating on 1.1545 0.04122 110 96 11 3
2685 That one is for the cat 1.1545 0.03915 110 95 13 2
2686 My feet are cold. 1.1545 0.03657 123 106 15 2
2687 You're such a Grinch! 1.1545 0.03657 123 106 15 2
2688 Do you want to borrow one of mine? 1.1545 0.03657 123 106 15 2
2689 I don’t need anything. 1.1545 0.04005 123 108 11 4
2690 ‘Trevor why are there oranges in my socks?’ 1.1545 0.04005 123 108 11 4
2691 The fire was delightful. 1.1545 0.03657 123 106 15 2
2692 Your foot fetish is easy on my gift budget. 1.1544 0.03746 136 119 13 4
2693 Didn't you suggest I take a hike? 1.1544 0.03888 136 120 11 5
2694 If we can't burn wood I'm wearing them! 1.1538 0.03955 117 102 12 3
2695 HUMBUG! 1.1538 0.04399 91 79 10 2
2696 If they'd been hung by the FIRE with care, I wouldn't need them." 1.1538 0.03809 104 89 14 1
2697 Let’s be real-you and I get oranges from the counter. 1.1538 0.04046 104 90 12 2
2698 Light the fire or I’m wearing these. 1.1538 0.03697 130 113 14 3
2699 Grab a pic before I miss the trend! 1.1538 0.03555 104 88 16 0
2700 Do. The. Laundry! I need clean socks! 1.1538 0.04046 104 90 12 2
2701 You're right, toe jam will send a much stronger message to the kids than coal. 1.1538 0.04484 104 92 8 4
2702 I thought these were my presents. I was just using my presents. 1.1538 0.04271 104 91 10 3
2703 I hear the Sopranos use steel-toe stockings. 1.1538 0.04668 91 80 8 3
2704 Do you ever get the feeling there’s an all-powerful deity named Amy Hwang that makes you do things for no good reason? 1.1538 0.03955 117 102 12 3
2705 Sorry, it must've gotten lost in the laundry. 1.1538 0.04137 117 103 10 4
2706 I just heard Santa won’t be here tonight. He allegedly caught Rudolph with Mrs. Claus playing little reindeer games.” 1.1538 0.04137 117 103 10 4
2707 That’s nothing. When I was a kid I had to wear bread bags when I trudged ten miles to school and back in a blizzard. 1.1532 0.03974 124 109 11 4
2708 Isn't this how stocking stuffing works? 1.1532 0.03806 124 108 13 3
2709 Since the kids are not coming for Christmas every again I thought of putting there stockings to good use 1.1532 0.03444 124 106 17 1
2710 Beware of the legos. 1.1532 0.04087 111 97 11 3
2711 I just thought of something to get you for Christmas! 1.1532 0.03665 111 95 15 1
2712 If this fireplace is only for decor, then I have to wear the decor. 1.1532 0.04087 111 97 11 3
2713 I wrote Santa to bring you some socks. 1.1531 0.04192 98 85 11 2
2714 You have to admit it,Allan,ugly Christmas sweaters are so 2019. 1.1531 0.04436 98 86 9 3
2715 No,it isn't that I gained weight! I think the snowman's supposed to go on the rihgt foot and the Christmas tree on the left. 1.1531 0.04436 98 86 9 3
2716 Wait. There’s something in this one. 1.1529 0.04269 85 73 11 1
2717 Given inflation, I thought this a better use of our stockings. 1.1527 0.03827 131 115 12 4
2718 It’s snowing and I don’t have any boots. That’s why I’m putting them on. 1.1527 0.03827 131 115 12 4
2719 There better not be any coal lumps in here! 1.1527 0.03507 131 113 16 2
2720 They were out of fishnets. 1.1527 0.03507 131 113 16 2
2721 If you think I'm passive aggressively telling you to turn the temperature up, you're right. 1.1525 0.03734 118 102 14 2
2722 If you'd let me turn up the thermostat, my feet wouldn't be this cold. 1.1525 0.03535 118 101 16 1
2723 When you said "all I want for Christmas is you" I thought you were serious. 1.1524 0.04232 105 92 10 3
2724 I’ve always pulled myself by my own bootstraps. 1.1524 0.04010 105 91 12 2
2725 My Balenciagas got wet. 1.1524 0.04010 105 91 12 2
2726 Stockings and suspenders you asked for. The suspense is killing me 1.1524 0.04010 105 91 12 2
2727 You should try them, Will! I have only two legs. 1.1524 0.04645 105 94 6 5
2728 These stockings really ARE magical. They help me tiptoe through the minefield that is our family holiday dinner. 1.1522 0.04354 92 80 10 2
2729 Don't worry, a little spritz of pine-scented Febreze and they'll be fine. 1.1520 0.03418 125 107 17 1
2730 Just hang me by the chimney with care. 1.1520 0.03777 125 109 13 3
2731 Boyfriends from Christmas past 1.1520 0.03777 125 109 13 3
2732 What is this ! Prop Comedy ? 1.1520 0.03224 125 106 19 0
2733 No one will know” “They’re gonna know 1.1520 0.03944 125 110 11 4
2734 I was hoping for a matching pair, but I suppose it’s the thought that counts. 1.1519 0.04445 79 68 10 1
2735 Call the cops! Santa is stocking me again! 1.1518 0.04053 112 98 11 3
2736 Shopping. Why do you ask? 1.1518 0.04053 112 98 11 3
2737 Money’s tight. We’ll take turns. 1.1518 0.03849 112 97 13 2
2738 See, we need to have a second child. 1.1518 0.03849 112 97 13 2
2739 I couldn't wait to fill your stockings. 1.1518 0.03634 112 96 15 1
2740 Ho, Ho, Ho yourself! 1.1518 0.03634 112 96 15 1
2741 No clean socks 1.1518 0.03849 112 97 13 2
2742 Won't the kids be surprised! 1.1515 0.03896 99 85 13 1
2743 Your childhood is one of the main contributing influences to your self-confidence. 1.1515 0.03645 132 115 14 3
2744 I was serious about asking for more socks for Christmas. 1.1515 0.03622 99 84 15 0
2745 See, I don't need more socks this year. 1.1515 0.03645 132 115 14 3
2746 Bigfoot IS real. 1.1515 0.03896 99 85 13 1
2747 Plus, all the crushed up peppermints make me smell like holiday cheer! 1.1515 0.04152 99 86 11 2
2748 All I got was Uggs knockoffs. 1.1513 0.03893 119 104 12 3
2749 Well we might as well get some use out of them! 1.1513 0.03508 119 102 16 1
2750 Your fire went out. Whadya expect? 1.1513 0.03893 119 104 12 3
2751 But you always get me socks for Christmas! 1.1513 0.03508 119 102 16 1
2752 If you’re my gift then I’m unsure if I’m on the naughty or nice list this year. 1.1513 0.03893 119 104 12 3
2753 Although I think it's a great gift, I'm not sure stuffing you into the stockings was Santa's 1st choice. 1.1513 0.03298 119 101 18 0
2754 ``Poor sweetie only gets one stocking. Are we in for another silent night?'' 1.1513 0.03893 119 104 12