Contest #878


Cartoon

878


Name Value
Submission deadline -
Voting started -
Voting ended -
Finalists announced -
Magazine(s) announcing finalists issued -
Number of captions 4535
Number of responses 777292
Number of participants -


Dashboard

In this table, the "mean" means the empirically measured average funniness score when the "unfunny", "somewhat funny" and "funny" receive a funniness score of 1, 2, 3 respectively. "Precison" is the standard error of the mean, the standard deviation of the mean estimate. With that, a caption with an empirical mean μ and precision σ has true mean in the range [μ - 2σ, μ + 2σ] with 95% probability by the 68-95-99.7 rule assuming the responses are indepedent and identically distributed.

Rank Caption Mean Precision Total votes "Unfunny" votes "Somewhat funny" votes "Funny" votes
0 Take those off! They’ll give you mistle toe. 1.8199 0.01455 3082 1333 971 778
1 Don't look at me that way. We're Jewish, and I'm cold. 1.7789 0.01484 2858 1285 920 653
2 I left one for you. Use your imagination. 1.7383 0.01379 3195 1497 1037 661
3 I am the present, Stephen. I am the present. 1.7373 0.01555 2349 1056 854 439
4 You said that all you wanted for Christmas was me in stockings. 1.7225 0.02131 1308 620 431 257
5 When you said you’d be in stockings when I got home, I had something else in mind. 1.7215 0.01228 4072 1975 1256 841
6 Your family doesn’t do this? 1.7035 0.01720 1838 853 677 308
7 Don’t look at me like that, you know you’ve thought about it too. 1.7028 0.01532 2285 1053 858 374
8 Well, it's either this, or you let ME control the thermostat for a change 1.6956 0.01359 3006 1431 1059 516
9 25 years later and they still fit 1.6945 0.02160 1234 601 409 224
10 He said to meet him on the roof wearing these. 1.6924 0.01268 3534 1714 1193 627
11 I figured I should put something in them, because you never do. 1.6919 0.01584 2272 1105 762 405
12 The stockings were hung by the chimney with care But the house is so cold I took these down to wear. 1.6906 0.02131 1309 654 406 249
13 Wait'll you see what I do with the wreath! 1.6899 0.01399 2796 1333 997 466
14 You’re home early. 1.6791 0.01280 3680 1889 1083 708
15 Screw the kids. I’m freezing. 1.6763 0.01416 2898 1462 912 524
16 Do these make my calves look fat? 1.6749 0.01404 2913 1464 932 517
17 Now, where is that tree skirt? 1.6746 0.01171 4207 2120 1336 751
18 Pro Tip...take the Lego pieces out before you try this. 1.6676 0.01292 3219 1578 1133 508
19 They go with the Christmas tree skirt..... 1.6563 0.01370 2953 1500 968 485
20 Remember last year? When you got wasted and wore all three? 1.6538 0.01378 3111 1644 900 567
21 Wait until you see what I do with the third one. 1.6508 0.01381 2935 1513 934 488
22 Would you hand me that necklace? 1.6490 0.01359 3199 1703 916 580
23 Jerrold... You're home early... 1.6469 0.01546 2311 1190 747 374
24 Get the cap and the little reindeer whip, and I'll give you your present right now. 1.6392 0.01412 2910 1558 844 508
25 'Twas the night before laundry day. 1.6384 0.01191 3758 1926 1265 567
26 I didn’t have an ugly sweater. 1.6315 0.02258 1034 533 349 152
27 I knew it!—yours is bigger. 1.6134 0.02417 913 488 290 135
28 No idea. Did you check the dryer? 1.6124 0.01357 2882 1539 921 422
29 Are you sure this is how the goyim celebrate Christmas? 1.6092 0.01769 1776 976 518 282
30 So these aren’t the kind of kinky stockings you had in mind? 1.6088 0.01505 2375 1285 734 356
31 I thought I was all you wanted. 1.6056 0.01366 2774 1480 908 386
32 I asked you to turn up the heat and you said no. Then I asked you to start a fire in the fireplace and you said no again. I'm done asking. 1.5997 0.01357 2868 1561 894 413
33 Day 14 of the laundry boycott. Things are getting desperate. 1.5979 0.01262 3163 1688 1059 416
34 I can put on the Santa suit but it’ll cost extra. 1.5961 0.01331 2954 1610 927 417
35 Fine, then you do laundry. 1.5949 0.01539 2160 1167 701 292
36 Well, you always said you wanted to see me in stockings! 1.5948 0.01353 2742 1468 917 357
37 Did you check the dryer? 1.5813 0.01359 2792 1549 863 380
38 ... they had my name on them 1.5809 0.01480 2317 1277 734 306
39 If you stretch them out they fit more presents 1.5789 0.02906 577 313 194 70
40 You said you’d like me to wear stockings. 1.5715 0.01329 2782 1535 904 343
41 To hell with Santa, I’m cold 1.5701 0.01333 2912 1648 868 396
42 You should have sprung for my Uggs 1.5678 0.01299 2874 1586 944 344
43 Now, you get to guess where that last sock goes. 1.5667 0.01327 2855 1604 884 367
44 Santa may think it’s naughty, but it sure feels nice. 1.5597 0.01365 2512 1384 850 278
45 I thought it’s about time we started some of our own holiday traditions. 1.5571 0.01374 2468 1363 835 270
46 Just stepping into the holidays.” 1.5547 0.01308 3458 2135 728 595
47 I can't justify keeping something we only use once a year. 1.5447 0.01463 2080 1152 723 205
48 Really, John? How about instead of looking for another stocking, you just do a load of laundry! 1.5375 0.01631 1866 1094 541 231
49 They’ll always come back in season. 1.5322 0.01658 1661 949 540 172
50 This is what they originally meant by “stocking stuffers” 1.5319 0.01659 1662 951 538 173
51 Why? What did your family do with them? 1.5302 0.03493 430 261 110 59
52 I didn't mean those stockings, Clara! 1.5255 0.01754 1473 849 474 150
53 Because they spark joy. 1.5232 0.01796 1485 878 437 170
54 It is so weird...same story with the washing machine. I hung four and this morning there were only three. 1.5228 0.02709 681 410 186 85
55 It’s a family tradition: you have your stupid matching pajamas, we do this 1.5221 0.02282 971 588 259 124
56 The invitation specifically said, 'holiday attire.' 1.5168 0.01585 1842 1086 560 196
57 It’s called upcycling, Gene. 1.5160 0.01856 1347 796 407 144
58 Santa won't be here for a week. My feet are cold now. 1.5158 0.01745 1578 946 450 182
59 These will go perfectly with my tree skirt. 1.5132 0.01738 1738 1085 414 239
60 It’s like Christmas morning but kinkier. 1.5124 0.01917 1245 736 380 129
61 It just seems a shame not to wear them 1.5073 0.01949 1159 681 368 110
62 I think I just found the afikomen. 1.5040 0.02042 1619 1147 128 344
63 I think I found the hamster Santa got you last year 1.5038 0.01875 1568 1014 318 236
64 Reduce, reuse, recycle. 1.5000 0.02492 748 454 214 80
65 I thought these would go well with the tree skirt. 1.4970 0.01943 1342 847 323 172
66 They help my mistletoe. 1.4887 0.01980 1324 855 291 178
67 They're the only things that still fit after Thanksgiving. 1.4879 0.01996 1242 788 302 152
68 This may not be the best time to tell you,but I'm leaving with the guy on the roof." 1.4824 0.02130 1134 737 247 150
69 Uh oh. I think I found the hamster. 1.4812 0.02182 1089 711 232 146
70 Birkenstockings 1.4773 0.02251 991 643 223 125
71 Remember when I almost left you and then got cold feet? 1.4768 0.02163 1101 722 233 146
72 I told you, Bob. For Christmas, I wear a 13WW. 1.4734 0.02423 1071 767 101 203
73 I'm aware that they don't match, Bob. 1.4721 0.02176 1023 660 243 120
74 Look Brad, you have your family traditions. I have mine. 1.4696 0.02248 937 602 230 105
75 You know you can’t get away with the „I’m the gift“ - thing every year… 1.4682 0.02176 991 636 246 109
76 Let me slip into something more seasonal. 1.4652 0.02285 905 585 219 101
77 Maybe Santa will bring you someone who can tolerate a thermostat set below 68. 1.4625 0.02299 906 591 211 104
78 cold feet know no season 1.4624 0.02254 811 502 243 66
79 I mean, have YOU not always wanted to try them on?! 1.4623 0.02213 915 583 241 91
80 Fine, you’re right - it’s time to do the laundry. 1.4621 0.02237 937 607 227 103
81 I'm leaving and I'm taking the holiday spirit with me. 1.4621 0.02361 857 559 200 98
82 I’m dreaming of a warm Christmas. 1.4614 0.02465 893 612 150 131
83 Why not? He’s obviously a no show. 1.4581 0.02426 823 543 183 97
84 I am the best stocking stuffer you'll ever get! 1.4563 0.02335 846 550 206 90
85 Your family has weird traditions. 1.4562 0.02211 890 567 240 83
86 You said all you want for Christmas is me. 1.4554 0.02365 874 581 188 105
87 Come on…You’ve never thought about it? 1.4547 0.02349 827 537 204 86
88 And the stockings were hung by the chimney with Claire. 1.4524 0.02534 714 466 173 75
89 Are my seams straight? 1.4508 0.02617 590 370 174 46
90 If we take turns, we can make it to New Year's without doing laundry. 1.4495 0.02305 763 480 223 60
91 Stan’s desire to see Carol in ‘stockings’ didn’t go as he had fantasized. 1.4438 0.02736 667 455 128 84
92 I was going for "sexy elf." 1.4427 0.02797 515 327 148 40
93 I see you found the egg nog 1.4397 0.02775 630 428 127 75
94 What did you put in that eggnog? 1.4395 0.02631 612 397 161 54
95 Then why would we call them that? 1.4394 0.02524 701 463 168 70
96 I’m sure these are mine - did you look in the dryer? 1.4393 0.02493 758 510 163 85
97 Maybe Santa will bring you the other one? 1.4387 0.02393 718 462 197 59
98 Sorry it was buy 2 get 1 free! 1.4375 0.02595 656 433 159 64
99 I’m sorry but there is only one left. You’ll have to hop. 1.4350 0.02586 662 439 158 65
100 You’ve gotta stuff your own stockings in this world, son. 1.4337 0.02802 498 318 144 36
101 Slippers should have been on both our lists. 1.4332 0.02477 644 413 183 48
102 Well, the weather outside is frightful. 1.4325 0.02418 696 451 189 56
103 ‘I saw the ring box in the other stocking and I got cold feet’ 1.4253 0.02842 569 388 120 61
104 Well you won't let me touch the thermostat, so... 1.4238 0.02617 604 399 154 51
105 Fine. Don't turn up the heat. 1.4237 0.02673 583 386 147 50
106 Hey, light that fire, and off they'll come! 1.4229 0.02625 584 383 155 46
107 You try being barefoot and pregnant for three years. 1.4229 0.02938 532 364 111 57
108 Yes, I am using these to keep my feet warm. Do you still not know what to get me for Christmas? 1.4228 0.02634 615 411 148 56
109 I’m just going to take out the trash. 1.4216 0.02867 491 323 129 39
110 I found the missing LEGO. 1.4197 0.02676 598 402 141 55
111 This is how I show you I don't want socks again for Xmas. 1.4156 0.02644 551 361 151 39
112 Will you grab me the tree skirt? 1.4114 0.03072 508 359 89 60
113 Go get your Santa hat and let's see what happens. 1.4111 0.02881 523 358 115 50
114 How long do you think until mom notices? 1.4105 0.02770 514 342 133 39
115 Oh, you’re home already. 1.4096 0.02819 542 371 120 51
116 It was easy. I just moved the lumps of coal to your stocking. 1.4085 0.02691 585 399 133 53
117 They’re so warm and cozy. Too bad we only had three kids. 1.4083 0.02930 529 369 104 56
118 But I thought all you wanted for Christmas was me? 1.4075 0.02706 508 334 141 33
119 I’m stocking up 1.4072 0.02958 528 371 99 58
120 Mind grabbing me the tree skirt? 1.4069 0.03081 494 349 89 56
121 It’s an ugly sox party, Harold! 1.4067 0.02707 563 382 133 48
122 They go back to being for decoration when you let me touch the thermostat 1.4043 0.03090 465 324 94 47
123 Heat the person, not the room. That’s what they say nowadays. 1.4036 0.03776 280 189 69 22
124 If Santa had gotten me the Uggs, we wouldn’t be having this conversation. 1.4034 0.03013 523 373 89 61
125 You wanted spontaneity. I'm giving you spontaneity. 1.4030 0.02782 531 362 124 45
126 The dryer ate all of the socks 1.4021 0.02960 480 330 107 43
127 You said you wanted to see me in tight stockings. Here you go, jolly boy. 1.4004 0.02942 477 327 109 41
128 He can't come down a cartoon fireplace and my feet are cold! 1.3986 0.03128 444 310 91 43
129 So proud of myself, Arnie—twenty years and they still fit. 1.3981 0.03183 427 298 88 41
130 Cheaper than Uggs 1.3975 0.02957 473 326 106 41
131 Look what’s in your stocking this year! 1.3968 0.02950 504 354 100 50
132 Look, you're the one who said I'd look sexy in stockings. 1.3968 0.03012 499 354 92 53
133 I'm all the Christmas present you're gonna need 1.3962 0.02946 472 325 107 40
134 But, baby, it's cold inside. 1.3958 0.02932 475 327 108 40
135 Are you going to stand there, or are you going to hand me the wreath? 1.3957 0.03047 460 321 96 43
136 Don't blame me, you're the one who refuses to raise the heat. 1.3956 0.02807 498 339 121 38
137 Too ethnic? 1.3919 0.03317 370 256 83 31
138 You can't unwrap me until Christmas day. 1.3909 0.02992 417 282 107 28
139 That one's for the dog. You're on your own. 1.3906 0.02809 466 314 122 30
140 I'm just getting the mail, Todd. 1.3900 0.03020 441 305 100 36
141 Let’s see one of these try to get lost in the dryer. 1.3894 0.03286 398 281 79 38
142 You never fill them, so I thought I would 1.3880 0.02866 482 333 111 38
143 Don’t judge me, it’s laundry day. 1.3878 0.02934 490 345 100 45
144 Don’t tell me you’ve never thought about it! 1.3872 0.03212 390 271 87 32
145 If I wear these we don't need to worry about filling them with useless items. 1.3869 0.03096 411 284 95 32
146 What makes you think that holiday stress is getting to me? 1.3867 0.03168 450 324 78 48
147 Well, you said to fill 'em with things you like. 1.3864 0.03157 396 274 91 31
148 I've already got my two front teeth; all I want this Christmas is two warm feet. 1.3854 0.03100 410 284 94 32
149 Christmas stockings are the new Uggs. 1.3852 0.03107 405 280 94 31
150 Does this make me look naughty, or nice? 1.3852 0.02846 431 289 118 24
151 You said ? all you want for Christmas is me ? 1.3837 0.03130 404 281 91 32
152 You turn up the heat, I'll re-hang the stockings. 1.3836 0.03033 451 318 93 40
153 I don't care if it burns his jolly ass. Light the fire. I'm freezing. 1.3828 0.03394 418 309 58 51
154 It's just until laundry day. 1.3822 0.03140 416 293 87 36
155 Not what I meant by 'All I want for Christmas is you.' 1.3816 0.03187 414 294 82 38
156 Well you did say fill them with presence! 1.3814 0.03140 409 287 88 34
157 It doesn't mean you're about to get lucky. It means my feet are cold. 1.3801 0.03192 413 294 81 38
158 Your mother is never going to accuse me again of not having the Christmas Spirit. 1.3780 0.03257 381 269 80 32
159 For the person who has nothing. 1.3779 0.03253 344 236 86 22
160 Your search history said you liked a woman in stockings. 1.3778 0.03272 405 292 73 40
161 I think I found your missing Christmas chocolates. 1.3776 0.03312 339 234 82 23
162 This is what happens when you let the laundry pile up. 1.3760 0.03275 367 258 80 29
163 Am I not the best stocking present you ever got? 1.3760 0.03285 383 273 76 34
164 Of course on Christmas morning, I won't wear anything but the stockings. 1.3760 0.03347 383 276 70 37
165 If you mean fishnet, say fishnet. 1.3750 0.03717 320 233 54 33
166 I think I just found Hammy. 1.3750 0.03079 440 315 85 40
167 Are you upset we didn’t buy 4 stockings? 1.3739 0.03192 353 243 88 22
168 I’ll be your stocking stuffer! 1.3706 0.03089 402 283 89 30
169 I don’t know—check the dryer. 1.3697 0.03078 422 301 86 35
170 Did he put candy in my underwear, too? 1.3691 0.03611 298 211 64 23
171 I ate all those milk and cookies, too. 1.3676 0.03294 340 238 79 23
172 What do you mean, I'm unclear on the concept? 1.3676 0.03225 370 262 80 28
173 I’ll put them back after you turn up the thermostat. 1.3668 0.03214 368 260 81 27
174 They should pair nicely with your ugly sweater! 1.3667 0.03171 390 278 81 31
175 Am I not everything you ever wanted? 1.3653 0.03129 386 273 85 28
176 So turn up the thermostat! 1.3644 0.03206 365 258 81 26
177 They fit fine except for the coal at the bottom. 1.3632 0.03120 391 278 84 29
178 Oh, you meant wear the Christmas stockings and nothing else. 1.3627 0.03685 306 223 55 28
179 Honey, when I said 'big presents this year,' I meant jewelry, not jumbo hosiery. 1.3625 0.03399 320 226 72 22
180 But it's okay for you to wear a Christmas bow as a tie? 1.3612 0.03399 335 240 69 26
181 And then I’ll quietly follow you around in these. I call them ‘stalkings.’ 1.3610 0.03473 349 256 60 33
182 This year I’m walking into Christmas like I own it! 1.3603 0.03292 358 257 73 28
183 Guess what turns out to be the perfect stocking stuffers? 1.3603 0.03268 383 279 70 34
184 Or you could raise the thermostat. 1.3593 0.03430 334 241 66 27
185 You try keeping up with The Twelve Days of Laundry. 1.3591 0.03380 362 265 64 33
186 This could have been avoided if Santa brought me the Ugg boots I asked for. 1.3588 0.03413 340 246 66 28
187 Don’t act like you’ve never wanted to wear them. 1.3580 0.03154 352 247 84 21
188 You're right, Hanukkah is easier to explain 1.3559 0.03620 295 213 59 23
189 The first one felt naughty, but this one feels nice. 1.3558 0.03291 326 230 76 20
190 The cat's on the warpath again. You're on your own! 1.3558 0.03403 326 234 68 24
191 What! I left you the best one! 1.3556 0.03276 315 220 78 17
192 I know it’s June, but these are the best slippers. 1.3552 0.03326 366 268 66 32
193 What? I didn’t do laundry, alright.” 1.3550 0.03127 338 235 86 17
194 It's either this, or you turn up the damned thermostat. 1.3547 0.03755 265 190 56 19
195 Okay, I give in. We'll put in underfloor heating. 1.3544 0.03534 316 230 60 26
196 Reduce, Reuse and Recycle Todd; but in a festive way. 1.3543 0.03083 350 244 88 18
197 Baby, it's cold i͟n͟s͟i͟d͟e͟. 1.3540 0.03286 322 227 76 19
198 It was either this or let your mother sneak some coal into my stocking. 1.3537 0.03544 311 226 60 25
199 NOW can we turn the heat up? 1.3535 0.03491 314 227 63 24
200 C'mon. Give it a try. They're so roomy you won't even feel the coal. 1.3525 0.03346 366 270 63 33
201 We just have got to get more use out of these things 1.3522 0.03281 335 239 74 22
202 Could I try the eight and a half? 1.3510 0.03428 302 215 68 19
203 I gave away all my socks. Blame Marie Kondo 1.3506 0.03409 328 238 65 25
204 If you want a pair of Uggs, just say so! 1.3499 0.03329 343 249 68 26
205 It looked sexier in my head. 1.3497 0.03853 286 214 44 28
206 I plan to wear these until you turn up the thermostat. 1.3495 0.03341 309 219 72 18
207 There's a lump of something in the left one. 1.3481 0.03320 316 225 72 19
208 How much rum did you put in that eggnog? 1.3475 0.03759 282 208 50 24
209 These will go perfectly with my new tree skirt. 1.3469 0.03349 294 207 72 15
210 They’re the new ugly sweaters. 1.3465 0.03605 254 179 62 13
211 Or, you can start the fire. 1.3458 0.03398 321 233 65 23
212 I wanted to do this since I was 5. 1.3455 0.03789 275 203 49 23
213 Do these make my butt look big? 1.3447 0.03937 264 197 43 24
214 Get creative George, there is only one stocking left. 1.3435 0.03829 294 223 41 30
215 They’re by Kenneth Coal. 1.3430 0.03800 277 206 47 24
216 Ugly sweaters are out. 1.3426 0.03450 289 207 65 17
217 They ARE called stockings! 1.3420 0.03234 348 253 71 24
218 These look warmer than the tube socks they'll be full of in the morning. 1.3415 0.03306 325 235 69 21
219 They match the sweater you got me last year. 1.3415 0.03257 328 236 72 20
220 You try on the wreath. 1.3404 0.03611 282 206 56 20
221 I know we're Jewish but she was such a great salesperson. 1.3403 0.04113 238 178 39 21
222 Meet me in the bedroom. 1.3401 0.03643 297 221 51 25
223 These will look great with my new Christmas tree skirt!!! 1.3393 0.03490 333 250 53 30
224 You're just mad I thought of it first. 1.3390 0.03595 295 218 54 23
225 Do these make my legs look fat? 1.3388 0.03489 304 223 59 22
226 This evening your mom isn’t going to guilt me about never wearing her gifts. 1.3385 0.03972 260 196 40 24
227 My turn to shovel the driveway. 1.3380 0.03597 287 211 55 21
228 No, I’m pretty sure the lyrics are ‘hung by the stocking with Claire.’ 1.3379 0.03643 293 218 51 24
229 Why should I only use them once a year? 1.3366 0.03258 309 221 72 16
230 This is getting ridiculous. Let's just do the laundry. 1.3360 0.04043 250 189 38 23
231 Have you SEEN the electric bill?! 1.3355 0.03375 310 226 64 20
232 Consider your stockings stuffed 1.3348 0.04060 227 168 42 17
233 My Uggs don't fit any more. 1.3347 0.03747 242 175 53 14
234 We may have reached an inflection point in our quest to postpone doing laundry. 1.3346 0.03932 263 199 40 24
235 Tell me you've never thought about it. 1.3346 0.03597 266 193 57 16
236 You get the hooks. 1.3345 0.03523 287 210 58 19
237 I like to stretch them out so Santa can put more in them. 1.3345 0.03540 293 216 56 21
238 What? I'm cold and we don't need them for another three weeks 1.3333 0.03544 276 201 58 17
239 Gordon, he’s really not coming. 1.3333 0.03725 276 206 48 22
240 All I want for Christmas is for the thermostat to be higher than 62 degrees. 1.3333 0.03618 276 203 54 19
241 Are you sure a psychotic episode is the only way we can leave the office party early? 1.3333 0.03711 258 189 52 17
242 ChatGPT states that stockings are donned by the chimney with care. 1.3323 0.03531 316 238 51 27
243 I don't have an ugly Christmas sweater for the party. 1.3322 0.03680 295 223 46 26
244 They’re called stockings, not hangings. 1.3311 0.03342 296 214 66 16
245 These will look great with my tree skirt. 1.3308 0.03630 266 195 54 17
246 Did you look in the dryer? 1.3308 0.03852 263 198 43 22
247 Just get three you said. 1.3299 0.03516 291 215 56 20
248 Remember that hard-boiled Easter egg we couldn't find? 1.3297 0.03748 273 205 46 22
249 Later on we’ll conspire. 1.3297 0.03748 273 205 46 22
250 What!? It’s a fake fireplace and I’m cold! 1.3295 0.03745 258 191 49 18
251 You used to like it when I dressed up as your present. 1.3294 0.03856 255 191 44 20
252 Santa can fit more presents inside if you stretch ‘em out first. 1.3288 0.04102 219 163 40 16
253 Ugly Sweaters are so passé 1.3284 0.03759 268 201 46 21
254 If the Christmas stocking fits, why not wear it? 1.3282 0.03500 262 189 60 13
255 You have your traditions, I have mine. 1.3281 0.03668 253 185 53 15
256 These boots were made for stocking… 1.3278 0.03642 302 230 45 27
257 Can you hand me the collar? 1.3277 0.04040 235 177 39 19
258 He already knows I've been naughty, so to hell with it. 1.3264 0.03703 288 219 44 25
259 Oh Yeah! So, what was your family’s Christmas Stocking tradition? 1.3255 0.04137 212 158 39 15
260 I’m just stocking up. 1.3252 0.03864 246 184 44 18
261 You want stocking stuffers? I’ll show you stocking stuffers. 1.3245 0.03857 265 202 40 23
262 Now don the wreath, Paul. And surprise me 1.3243 0.03883 259 197 40 22
263 Wait ‘til you see the skirt. 1.3242 0.03796 256 192 45 19
264 This again? 1.3238 0.03840 244 182 45 17
265 The dog ate my Uggs. 1.3232 0.04335 198 149 34 15
266 that wasn’t quite what I had in mind when you said you were going to slip into something more comfortable Suzan… 1.3232 0.04452 198 151 30 17
267 Well, Dear, all I want for Christmas is for the thermostat to stay where I set it. 1.3228 0.03733 254 189 48 17
268 I took them from the chimney with care, in the hope that St. Nicholas brings you another pair. 1.3224 0.03738 245 181 49 15
269 Okay dimwit, let me do the work for you: I’m the gift. Get it? I.AM.THE.GIFT! 1.3221 0.03758 267 202 44 21
270 Cindy, we're Jewish. 1.3214 0.04218 224 172 32 20
271 You should see where I put the Nutcracker. 1.3213 0.04070 249 193 32 24
272 Wait until you see the skirt that goes with them! 1.3208 0.03834 240 179 45 16
273 They're really comfortable except for the coal in the toe 1.3205 0.03554 259 190 55 14
274 Just say you're half Jewish. 1.3199 0.03517 272 201 55 16
275 These'll work with the tree skirt and festive oven mitts. 1.3198 0.03785 222 162 49 11
276 Well, next time you'll have to be more specific in describing your fetish. 1.3197 0.03962 244 186 38 20
277 Voilà! Stockings filled. 1.3190 0.04096 210 157 39 14
278 Since you insist on 68 degrees… 1.3187 0.03798 251 189 44 18
279 I like role playing, but I was thinking fishnet stockings. 1.3185 0.03610 248 182 53 13
280 I've always wanted to do this. 1.3182 0.03397 286 211 59 16
281 Guess what's in your stocking this year! 1.3182 0.03324 286 209 63 14
282 Check the dryer. 1.3180 0.03746 239 177 48 14
283 What do you mean I take things too literally? 1.3178 0.03428 258 187 60 11
284 Well, yes, I am feeling mirthful. 1.3176 0.03811 233 173 46 14
285 I am your gift. 1.3172 0.03586 268 200 51 17
286 I told you I’d fill the stockings. 1.3170 0.04064 224 170 37 17
287 Get it? Because I’m a goddamn gift, Charles. 1.3169 0.03882 243 184 41 18
288 You believe in Santa; I believe in warm feet. 1.3164 0.03522 275 205 53 17
289 I love them, I just wish they weren't full of other little gifts. 1.3160 0.03652 269 203 47 19
290 Let me touch the thermostat and they go back up 1.3158 0.04153 228 176 32 20
291 Please unlock the thermostat. 1.3158 0.03642 266 200 48 18
292 I have to take these back to the office 1.3156 0.03549 263 195 53 15
293 These stockings aren't going to fill themselves, Bob! 1.3152 0.03729 257 194 45 18
294 Just once I'd like to do the wash without losing a matching sock 1.3149 0.03971 235 179 38 18
295 I am your Christmas gift 🤗😜 1.3144 0.03799 229 170 46 13
296 I never thought I'd say this, but I prefer the Crocs. 1.3140 0.03887 242 184 40 18
297 I’m then going to put on the Christmas tree skirt. 1.3137 0.03629 271 205 47 19
298 I did say no more Christmas sweaters. 1.3136 0.03864 236 178 42 16
299 Can’t we just start a fire already?! 1.3135 0.03692 252 189 47 16
300 As if you never get behind on laundry. 1.3134 0.03547 284 215 49 20
301 Be right back - we're out of eggnog. 1.3134 0.03718 284 220 39 25
302 They hold more if you break them in 1.3133 0.03893 249 191 38 20
303 They go great with my ugly Christmas sweater. 1.3131 0.04084 214 162 37 15
304 But they fit. 1.3128 0.03662 227 166 51 10
305 Do I look fat? 1.3128 0.04113 227 175 33 19
306 Are you trying to seduce me? 1.3120 0.03673 266 202 45 19
307 Do you think anyone will notice they don't match? 1.3116 0.03390 276 204 58 14
308 Fine I'll get you the Uggs. 1.3113 0.03680 257 194 46 17
309 Face it Ned, we're naughty. 1.3112 0.04028 196 145 41 10
310 Be careful wearing those, they can sometimes lead to a bad case of mistletoe! 1.3111 0.03708 270 207 42 21
311 Well wearing one would just look ridiculous 1.3108 0.04176 222 172 31 19
312 Oh, uh… you’re home early 1.3107 0.03468 280 210 53 17
313 I'm wearing yours because the coal exfoliates my callouses. 1.3102 0.03758 245 185 44 16
314 I’ll guess . . . Legos. 1.3099 0.03604 242 179 51 12
315 Be honest. Do they make my feet look fat? 1.3096 0.04381 197 152 29 16
316 I think I found the lost kitten you gave me last Christmas. 1.3094 0.03960 223 169 39 15
317 I couldn't take wearing an ugly sweater this year. 1.3093 0.03855 236 179 41 16
318 What?? They aren’t coming and I’m cold! 1.3092 0.03310 304 228 58 18
319 Oversized socks with silly seasonal pictures that don't match and that I can only wear for up to 4 weeks a year? How did you know?! 1.3086 0.03639 243 181 49 13
320 Didn’t do laundry this week? 1.3086 0.03426 256 188 57 11
321 Well dear when we’re the only Jews invited to a Christmas party I figure we should try to blend in. 1.3085 0.04139 201 152 36 13
322 It's a Jewish tradition. 1.3083 0.03572 240 177 52 11
323 Waddaya mean you were hoping to find something other than me in your Christmas stockings? 1.3083 0.03808 240 182 42 16
324 I’m hanging out in them, by the chimney with care. 1.3083 0.03715 240 180 46 14
325 Susan accessorized hoping to win the ugly sweater contest. 1.3080 0.03794 237 179 43 15
326 Just until you can manage to get a fire going. 1.3080 0.03658 250 188 47 15
327 Well, somebody's got to go up there and look for him. 1.3077 0.04041 208 157 38 13
328 I heard you say you wanted something "nice and sweet" in your stockings 1.3074 0.03672 257 195 45 17
329 If you turn up the heat, I'll put them back on the mantle. 1.3070 0.04228 228 180 26 22
330 Yeah, like you never wanted to do this. 1.3070 0.03893 215 161 42 12
331 That's not what I meant when I said I'd love to see you in stockings. 1.3065 0.03712 261 200 42 19
332 It’s our first Christmas together— time we start our own traditions! 1.3065 0.03675 248 187 46 15
333 It's this, or you let me touch the thermostat. 1.3059 0.03950 219 166 39 14
334 They said all they want for Christmas is me. 1.3052 0.04159 249 200 22 27
335 ♫♫ "Merry Christmas Mister President." ♫♫ 1.3052 0.03914 213 160 41 12
336 Yes, I get it, you're my present. Ha, ha. 1.3050 0.03565 259 195 49 15
337 You can tell your mom we’re using the stockings. 1.3050 0.03522 259 194 51 14
338 No one ever listens when I say I just want socks. 1.3049 0.04001 223 171 36 16
339 Walter,the twins are forty. 1.3049 0.03507 246 182 53 11
340 All I need is the Christmas tree skirt and I’ve got my holiday party outfit 1.3047 0.03832 233 177 41 15
341 No Don, this is not my gay apparel. 1.3041 0.04331 217 172 24 21
342 Of course I remember how excited I was the first time you wore those, but … they were the only clothes you wore. 1.3041 0.03917 217 164 40 13
343 Somehow this made more sense when I was a child” 1.3041 0.04396 171 129 32 10
344 Well Steve, you said all I want for Christmas is you. Ta da! 1.3040 0.03950 227 174 37 16
345 It's either this or we turn up the thermostat. 1.3033 0.03886 244 189 36 19
346 Can you hand me my necklace? 1.3029 0.03786 241 184 41 16
347 It's either this or you turn up the heat 1.3029 0.04087 208 159 35 14
348 If you'd let the thermostat go above 68, I wouldn't have to do this. 1.3026 0.04079 228 178 31 19
349 It was buy two, get one free. 1.3023 0.03882 215 162 41 12
350 Honey, you're sleepstocking again 1.3023 0.04047 215 165 35 15
351 Start the darn fireplace Mr. Scrooge! 1.3022 0.05070 139 107 22 10
352 Sorry, your other sock was lost in the laundry. 1.3021 0.03755 235 178 43 14
353 Be careful, one of mine had Legos in it. 1.3021 0.03755 235 178 43 14
354 It was weird. The store only had lefts. 1.3018 0.03689 222 165 47 10
355 Trust me? I saw it on tik tok 1.3018 0.03798 222 167 43 12
356 Because I'M the present 1.3017 0.03788 232 176 42 14
357 Prepare for a Lappdance. 1.3011 0.04351 186 143 30 13
358 According to your browser history, I'm giving you what you really want. 1.3010 0.04495 196 155 23 18
359 Thanks for the new puppy. Too bad he chewed up all our shoes." 1.3008 0.03930 236 183 35 18
360 You said you liked me in stockings, so here you go big boy. 1.3004 0.04091 223 174 31 18
361 What? I don’t judge you for wearing crocs! 1.3004 0.03837 223 169 41 13
362 For the love of God, Jim, please turn up the thermostat 1.3000 0.03996 210 160 37 13
363 I'm your little stocking stuffer. 1.3000 0.04109 210 162 33 15
364 If you don’t fix the washing machine today, I’m leaving you. 1.3000 0.04109 210 162 33 15
365 It's ok, it's ok! The kids are rejecting flagrant materialism this year.. 1.3000 0.03817 220 166 42 12
366 I googled tips for looking extra sexy and Cosmo suggested wearing stockings. 1.3000 0.04370 200 157 26 17
367 I am getting ready to watch a Hallmark movie. 1.2996 0.03915 237 184 35 18
368 You can’t tell me a guy who died for our sins would also want me to have cold feet. 1.2995 0.04206 207 161 30 16
369 Well, they were just going to hang there, weren’t they? 1.2995 0.03853 197 146 43 8
370 Finally, the season where my fashion choices go from 'quirky' to 'festive.' 1.2995 0.04331 187 144 30 13
371 It's only until the washing machine is fixed. 1.2991 0.03856 234 180 38 16
372 I call them…mistletoes. 1.2991 0.04106 214 166 32 16
373 No I love them, it’s just not what I had in mind when I asked for stockings 1.2990 0.04219 194 149 32 13
374 Did you think I have three feet? 1.2989 0.03574 261 199 46 16
375 When you finally admit that you’re empty nesters… 1.2988 0.03672 251 192 43 16
376 They look homier if they're broken in. 1.2986 0.03636 221 164 48 9
377 Baby it’s cold inside! 1.2985 0.03866 201 150 42 9
378 Ugly sweaters are so last year. 1.2976 0.04432 168 128 30 10
379 Now will you start a fire? 1.2971 0.04154 175 131 36 8
380 They're way more stylish and functional than Crocs. 1.2968 0.03595 219 162 49 8
381 Because my feet are cold, we don’t have kids, and this is a fake fireplace! Get over it Chad! 1.2963 0.04667 189 152 18 19
382 Turn up the thermostat and I’ll take them off. 1.2957 0.03433 257 193 52 12
383 Jack Frost was nipping at my toes. 1.2952 0.04380 166 126 31 9
384 I had cold feet and I don't care anymore. 1.2946 0.03650 224 168 46 10
385 Next time, don't forget to buy me slippers. 1.2944 0.03782 231 177 40 14
386 If you'd turn up the thermostat... 1.2936 0.03769 218 165 42 11
387 Put on the wreath and let’s get naughty. 1.2935 0.04103 201 155 33 13
388 Have I got a stocking stuffer for you! 1.2934 0.03844 242 189 35 18
389 That one has your name on it. 1.2934 0.03708 242 186 41 15
390 I can't find my Uggs. 1.2933 0.03948 208 159 37 12
391 Who are we kidding, Irving, we’re the Schwartz’s and my feet are freezing. 1.2931 0.03865 232 180 36 16
392 Look, it’s nothing personal. But Santa and I are leaving for the Bahamas. 1.2928 0.04052 181 136 37 8
393 Because inflation is so high, I'm going to repurpose these to save money. 1.2928 0.03554 222 165 49 8
394 You're right of course ... much better without the oranges. 1.2925 0.04008 212 164 34 14
395 We really need to do laundry today. 1.2924 0.03911 236 185 33 18
396 Light a fire or turn up the thermostat. Otherwise, this is happening. 1.2922 0.03641 219 164 46 9
397 I'm foggy and a little hungover. 1.2922 0.04211 243 199 17 27
398 I like the feeling of warm chocolate between my toes. 1.2918 0.03802 233 180 38 15
399 Thought about hanging these up, but I got cold feet! 1.2917 0.04101 192 147 34 11
400 You can't get the fire started and I'm freezing...you have a better idea? 1.2915 0.04127 199 154 32 13
401 Personally, I am OK with it, but I suspect little Jodi and Bobby Jr. might object. 1.2914 0.04294 175 134 31 10
402 These socks weren't made for walking, but that's just what I'll do. 1.2913 0.03933 230 180 33 17
403 I figured neither of us would need them this year because we've both been so bad. 1.2911 0.03756 237 183 39 15
404 They're warm tidings of comfort and joy. 1.2910 0.03541 244 185 47 12
405 I'm an originalist. 1.2909 0.03849 220 169 38 13
406 I’m starting to get cold feet about this relationship 1.2907 0.03715 227 173 42 12
407 I asked you a million times to do the laundry 1.2905 0.03664 241 185 42 14
408 Next year I’ll hang four socks. 1.2903 0.03548 248 189 46 13
409 Ugly Christmas sweaters are passé. 1.2903 0.04117 186 142 34 10
410 Hey, it was your turn to do the laundry this week. 1.2903 0.03829 217 166 39 12
411 I prefer the fishnets. 1.2900 0.03921 200 152 38 10
412 Just finding a use for these now you've told the kids that Santa isn't real. 1.2900 0.04047 200 154 34 12
413 For Pete's sake Bob...it's not like we ever get anything good in them. 1.2899 0.03600 169 121 47 1
414 When you married a podiatrist you made certain concessions. 1.2896 0.03669 221 167 44 10
415 I’m sorry, but strip poker with your parents is just weird. Now hand me that wreath. 1.2895 0.04322 190 149 27 14
416 I celebrate traditions older than Christmas 1.2892 0.03298 249 185 56 8
417 Light the fire, Steve. I'm begging you. 1.2891 0.03660 211 158 45 8
418 Oh, grow up! He's not real. 1.2890 0.04029 218 171 31 16
419 You can put yours on however you want to! 1.2889 0.04131 180 137 34 9
420 It’s called upcycling, Todd. 1.2888 0.03605 232 176 45 11
421 It's ugly sock day at work. 1.2887 0.04256 194 152 28 14
422 Reduce, recycle, reuse. 1.2882 0.03582 229 173 46 10
423 One for you, one for me, and one for the dog who has no f***ing clue what Christmas is and yet always seems to get a better present than me. 1.2881 0.03638 243 187 42 14
424 It’s not what you think. 1.2880 0.04038 191 146 35 10
425 I saw Taylor Swift wearing a pair. 1.2879 0.04193 198 155 29 14
426 You and Santa had 12 days to fill 'em 1.2877 0.04052 212 166 31 15
427 I wouldn't have to succumb to this if you kept the thermostat above 62 degrees. 1.2866 0.04558 164 128 25 11
428 They're perfect for that sweater you got me last year....... 1.2865 0.04231 178 137 31 10
429 I told you this last year. If you refuse to turn up the heat, you'll be getting NO presents! 1.2857 0.03961 210 163 34 13
430 I don't have an ugly Christmas sweater. 1.2857 0.03933 203 156 36 11
431 If you are too cheap to light the fire, then I have to do what I have to do. 1.2851 0.03768 221 170 39 12
432 All I want for Christmas is warm feet. 1.2850 0.03757 207 157 41 9
433 It's your lucky night... I'm your stocking stuffer 1.2850 0.03940 207 160 35 12
434 What? Is it because they don't match? 1.2850 0.03940 207 160 35 12
435 Do these stockings make my legs look fat? 1.2850 0.03999 207 161 33 13
436 Ugly sweaters are so last season 1.2843 0.04155 204 161 28 15
437 Give me two minutes, then join me in the bedroom. 1.2842 0.04308 190 150 26 14
438 Just leave a note thanking the kids for the cookies, and saying that Santa's feet were cold. 1.2842 0.04357 183 144 26 13
439 The fireplace is just not doing it for me. 1.2838 0.03570 229 174 45 10
440 Oh sorry did you want the snowman? 1.2838 0.03587 222 168 45 9
441 I asked Santa for Uggs. I guess he forgot. 1.2837 0.03779 215 165 39 11
442 The medium is the message. 1.2836 0.03954 201 155 35 11
443 Not wearing heels is the greatest gift of all. 1.2832 0.04225 173 133 31 9
444 Okay I’ll put them back, but you’ve got stop lowering the thermostat. 1.2830 0.03871 212 164 36 12
445 I'll stop "ruining Christmas" when you stop touching the thermostat. 1.2830 0.03928 212 165 34 13
446 Cold feet or holiday cheer? 1.2829 0.03899 205 158 36 11
447 They were toasty, ok? 1.2829 0.03775 205 156 40 9
448 My last husband only had one leg. 1.2829 0.04020 205 160 32 13
449 Do these stockings make my butt look big? 1.2829 0.04218 152 114 33 5
450 They were 3 for a dollar 1.2825 0.04235 177 137 30 10
451 My mother says I dress like a ho ho ho. 1.2825 0.04457 177 140 24 13
452 I also can't find my earrings, so be a dear and grab me a couple of ornaments. 1.2822 0.03936 202 156 35 11
453 I'm your present this year. 1.2822 0.03999 202 157 33 12
454 It's your turn to do laundry. 1.2821 0.04032 195 151 33 11
455 ‘Stockings’ is plural. 1.2816 0.03695 206 156 42 8
456 I like the way the candy canes feel between my toes. 1.2811 0.04128 217 174 25 18
457 Put on your gear, Santa needs us. 1.2811 0.03805 217 168 37 12
458 The good news is that you're getting a dog for Christmas. The bad news is that he chewed all our socks. 1.2811 0.04643 185 151 16 18
459 What do you mean, "In the video they were fishnet?" 1.2811 0.04315 185 146 26 13
460 sorry i thought these were for me 1.2800 0.03856 175 131 39 5
461 Says the guy who covered the house in one million tiny lights. 1.2800 0.04203 200 159 26 15
462 … just a little more stretching to make room for that new phone 1.2800 0.03893 200 154 36 10
463 I don't care who's coming, my feet are cold now. 1.2798 0.03789 218 169 37 12
464 I just need one more leg." 1.2796 0.03815 211 163 37 11
465 To hell with the kids. My feet are cold. 1.2796 0.03714 186 139 42 5
466 Why not? 1.2793 0.04194 179 139 30 10
467 I haven’t had time for laundry. 1.2792 0.03930 197 152 35 10
468 Hon, we're Jewish. 1.2791 0.04309 172 134 28 10
469 I know only two of us live here, but he won't know. 1.2789 0.04095 190 148 31 11
470 Babe, the invitation said ugly SWEATER party. 1.2789 0.04162 190 149 29 12
471 Just pretend it’s Easter and hop on one foot. 1.2788 0.04349 165 128 28 9
472 Don't I make a great stocking stuffer! 1.2785 0.03718 219 169 39 11
473 Or, will you finally turn up the heat? 1.2785 0.03662 219 168 41 10
474 Goodbye, Tom. Thank you for the dinner 1.2784 0.04315 176 138 27 11
475 Sweetie, that’s not how you stuff Christmas stockings. 1.2784 0.03969 194 150 34 10
476 So that's your "Christmas stripper" fantasy? 1.2781 0.04277 169 131 29 9
477 Honey that wasn’t quite what I had in mind when I asked if you’d wear stockings. 1.2781 0.04277 169 131 29 9
478 It’s this or turn up the heat, Jerry. 1.2781 0.04109 169 129 33 7
479 If you don't like it, get me those Gucci boots on my Christmas list! 1.2780 0.03824 205 158 37 10
480 These stockings were hung by the chimney to wear. 1.2780 0.03834 223 175 34 14
481 Two for me, one for you. 1.2778 0.03978 198 154 33 11
482 Yule jog! 1.2778 0.03780 198 151 39 8
483 Well, I didn’t get the Uggs I asked for. 1.2778 0.03913 198 153 35 10
484 If it’s a no-shoes-household they should really provide socks 1.2778 0.05256 144 118 12 14
485 It’s my passive aggressive way of saying I’m cold. 1.2775 0.03796 191 145 39 7
486 They fit like a stocking. 1.2775 0.03796 191 145 39 7
487 I don’t have time to explain now, Robert, just run. 1.2773 0.03868 220 173 33 14
488 Off your meds again, dear? 1.2772 0.04109 184 143 31 10
489 We can only afford either heat or Christmas, Chad. Pick one. 1.2772 0.03650 184 137 43 4
490 You were in charge of laundry. 1.2770 0.04580 148 115 25 8
491 Well, don't you prefer your holidays to be wacky over embittered and stressful? 1.2770 0.03542 213 161 45 7
492 Fashion over function, honey. 1.2769 0.03673 195 147 42 6
493 These stockings don't fit me. Who is she? 1.2768 0.04368 177 140 25 12
494 You can wear the wreath and shove the log down your pants. 1.2768 0.03973 224 179 28 17
495 A, I don't believe in Santa Claus and B, my feet are cold. 1.2766 0.04186 188 148 28 12
496 I’m a mom, Jared. This is the only way I know there will be something in my stocking. 1.2766 0.04386 188 151 22 15
497 I wouldn’t have to if somebody had gotten me the slippers I asked for. 1.2764 0.03763 199 152 39 8
498 Oh, you don't remember promising to do laundry this week? 1.2764 0.03896 199 154 35 10
499 The coal reduces the foot odor. 1.2762 0.04369 181 144 24 13
500 You got me the same thing last year. 1.2762 0.04153 181 141 30 10
501 Remember when we said we'd make our own traditions? Well... 1.2761 0.04109 163 124 33 6
502 I think Santa did come... my foot is soggy! 1.2760 0.04190 192 152 27 13
503 Why is it always my turn? 1.2760 0.03779 192 146 39 7
504 I was really hoping for mittens. 1.2759 0.03941 174 132 36 6
505 It’s freaking cold, Mark. 1.2759 0.04186 174 135 30 9
506 Well *someone* has to go out for more wood. 1.2754 0.04044 167 127 34 6
507 Well, you voted for him and now we can’t afford heating oil, those made-in-China solar panels don’t work in a blizzard, and the wind farms shut down when it’s icy. My Dad told me you were a moron. 1.2753 0.04560 178 144 19 15
508 OMG, I love them, thank you so much. 1.2751 0.03814 189 144 38 7
509 Mistletoe. Get it? 1.2751 0.03814 189 144 38 7
510 Be honest- too matchy matchy? 1.2750 0.04429 160 125 26 9
511 They're not empty any more. 1.2747 0.04133 182 142 30 10
512 Well I won’t fit under the tree. 1.2745 0.04470 153 119 26 8
513 They're comfortable but I'm afraid they're too seasonal. 1.2742 0.03925 186 143 35 8
514 You're the past, I'm the present. 1.2741 0.03916 197 153 34 10
515 I don't know. I'm Jewish. 1.2739 0.04748 157 126 19 12
516 The stockings were hung by the chimney with care, but it's too freaking cold if my footies are bare 1.2738 0.04523 168 134 22 12
517 You snooze you lose, Bud. 1.2737 0.04080 190 149 30 11
518 I really need to do the laundry. 1.2737 0.03941 190 147 34 9
519 I made them, I can use them however I want 1.2737 0.04011 190 148 32 10
520 You think that I look silly? You're the one that's only gonna have one stocking at the party! 1.2733 0.04523 172 138 21 13
521 You don’t have to know what it means. Santa knows what it means. 1.2733 0.04211 172 134 29 9
522 You like when I wear stockings 1.2732 0.03888 183 140 36 7
523 You're Prancer and I'm Vixen. 1.2732 0.03745 194 148 39 7
524 if we could just set the thermostat a couple degrees higher, i wouldn't have to ruin the holidays 1.2732 0.03885 194 150 35 9
525 Thanks. These are great, but I still want some furniture. 1.2727 0.04222 176 138 28 10
526 Mrs. Robinson, you're trying seduce me...aren't you? 1.2727 0.04298 176 139 26 11
527 Go ahead, but you’re going to look silly with just one on. 1.2727 0.04539 154 121 24 9
528 I know what you are thinking…we should have had four children 1.2727 0.04259 187 149 25 13
529 If Santa's not coming, I might as well use them! 1.2723 0.03845 202 157 35 10
530 We're empty nesters now, might as well repurpose the socks. 1.2723 0.03780 202 156 37 9
531 The stockings were hung by the chimney with care, but not at the price of my feet going bare. 1.2717 0.04020 184 143 32 9
532 What?!? You said you're into girls in stockings... 1.2717 0.03869 184 141 36 7
533 Honey I think you have had enough of the eggnog 1.2713 0.04171 188 149 27 12
534 I am filling your socks with what you had better want! 1.2713 0.04032 188 147 31 10
535 Why? Because I refuse to be part of the patriarchal overly commercialized Santa industrial complex, that’s why. Also, my feet are damn cold. 1.2713 0.03961 188 146 33 9
536 I also got you socks for Christmas! 1.2710 0.04513 155 122 24 9
537 Stocking up for Christmas ! 1.2708 0.03834 192 148 36 8
538 You've never seen anyone in their stocking feet before? 1.2708 0.03834 192 148 36 8
539 Fine. I will hang them. But I think he knows there is only two of us here. 1.2707 0.03828 181 138 37 6
540 All I want for Christmas are two warm feet! 1.2706 0.04153 170 132 30 8
541 We've all done it once. 1.2706 0.04068 170 131 32 7
542 I am thinking of wearing them to the company holiday party 1.2703 0.03717 222 174 36 12
543 Don't know how Amy and the rest of her mates in "Cartoons" come up with these overly-imaginative, wonderous graphics, but thought this an equally incongruent attempt to wish Emma and the rest of them a very merry and happy Holiday. 1.2703 0.04678 185 154 12 19
544 Yes, I lost the bet. 1.2703 0.03927 185 143 34 8
545 Quick! Take my picture. I want to be a holiday influencer. 1.2700 0.04054 200 159 28 13
546 Come on, baby, light my fire. 1.2699 0.04357 163 128 26 9
547 Because I’ve always wanted to do this, that’s why. 1.2697 0.04026 178 138 32 8
548 Bare feet in December? You look ridiculous! 1.2697 0.04544 178 145 18 15
549 The candy hurts. 1.2695 0.04112 167 129 31 7
550 Uh oh, I think there’s a gift left in here from last year. 1.2692 0.03966 182 141 33 8
551 It’s this or my cold feet on your back tonight 1.2692 0.04116 182 143 29 10
552 He didn't leave anything in this one either. 1.2688 0.03833 186 143 36 7
553 Your gift to me can be doing the laundry for a change. 1.2688 0.04264 186 149 24 13
554 I told you my family's holiday traditions are weird. Wait till you see what I do with the wreath. 1.2688 0.04054 186 146 30 10
555 Turn up the heat? Don’t be silly. 1.2688 0.04036 160 122 33 5
556 No, I don't want to guess where Elf on the Shelf is hiding tonight! 1.2687 0.03493 227 175 43 9
557 Really? Never seen a woman in stockings? 1.2683 0.04333 164 129 26 9
558 Light my fire, Todd. 1.2683 0.04419 164 130 24 10
559 You're certain he will come down this chimney if I put on these things? 1.2682 0.03621 220 171 39 10
560 This is the only way we can afford to fill these stockings this year. 1.2682 0.04234 179 142 26 11
561 What? It's December 26th. 1.2680 0.03869 194 151 34 9
562 Well, they're stockings, aren't they? 1.2680 0.03729 194 149 38 7
563 Just always wanted to do this. 1.2679 0.04091 168 130 31 7
564 Do these make me look fat? 1.2678 0.03947 183 142 33 8
565 Merry Effin’ Christmas, you 62-degree-thermostat cheapskate.” 1.2678 0.04447 183 149 19 15
566 The dog peed on the rug again 1.2678 0.04169 183 145 27 11
567 Wanna see my Nancy Sinatra rendition 1.2675 0.04553 157 125 22 10
568 It feels like . . . a book?? 1.2674 0.04027 172 133 32 7
569 The weather outside is frightful. 1.2673 0.03699 202 156 38 8
570 Yes George, it was your week to do laundry 1.2673 0.04018 202 161 28 13
571 Unwrap me, you savage. 1.2671 0.04384 161 127 25 9
572 No dibs. I saw these first. 1.2670 0.03883 176 135 35 6
573 You really shouldn't have. 1.2670 0.04205 176 139 27 10
574 Until YOU figure out how to start a fire….. 1.2670 0.03966 176 136 33 7
575 Yes I know, they're mismatched 1.2670 0.03883 176 135 35 6
576 We either light the fire or I’m wearing these. 1.2670 0.03763 191 147 37 7
577 The other one's probably in the dryer. 1.2667 0.03668 210 163 38 9
578 What? I’m late and I can’t find my ugly Christmas sweater! 1.2667 0.04053 195 155 28 12
579 That one is yours, mister don’t-touch-the-thermostat. And let me tell you how you can keep your other foot warm… 1.2667 0.04698 150 120 20 10
580 The washer lost your other sock. 1.2663 0.03931 199 157 31 11
581 If we have 1 more kid, you can have a pair, too 1.2663 0.04076 184 145 29 10
582 Well, this is embarrassing. 1.2663 0.04402 169 135 23 11
583 Turn up the thermostat and then we can discuss taking them off. 1.2663 0.03892 169 129 35 5
584 You were giving me socks anyway. 1.2660 0.04086 188 149 28 11
585 I'll hang them by the chimney with care as soon as you turn the thermostat up somewhere past 48 1.2659 0.04482 173 140 20 13
586 Well I just don’t get how this is any different from your prancing around the office with that ridiculous Santa hat” 1.2659 0.04090 173 135 30 8
587 They fit okay,but the candy canes are uncomfortable. 1.2659 0.04251 173 137 26 10
588 I'm stepping in those little round chocolates, aren't I? 1.2658 0.04155 158 122 30 6
589 Santa isn’t going to pay our heating bill. 1.2657 0.03700 207 161 37 9
590 It’s the new ugly Christmas sweater trend 1.2656 0.03746 192 148 37 7
591 I'm your present tonight. 1.2655 0.03780 177 135 37 5
592 I’m really into stocking stuffers. 1.2652 0.03967 181 141 32 8
593 He can’t fill them with coal if he can’t find them. 1.2652 0.03967 181 141 32 8
594 Why not? Santa won't be coming here this year. We've been naughty 1.2648 0.03792 219 174 32 13
595 When you turn 30, warm feet become more important than small gifts. 1.2647 0.04134 170 133 29 8
596 I’m leaving you, Jerry 1.2647 0.04379 170 136 23 11
597 So I tell the girls, 'Stop getting into my closet and borrowing my stuff!' But do they listen? No... 1.2646 0.04067 189 150 28 11
598 Best stocking stuffer of the holiday, Honey! 1.2646 0.03926 189 148 32 9
599 Remember when you said that I was all you wanted? 1.2644 0.04069 174 136 30 8
600 So I’m wearing the wreath tonight? 1.2642 0.03940 193 152 31 10
601 Just wait till I put on the tree skirt as well. 1.2642 0.04412 159 126 24 9
602 I always get cold feet around Christmas. 1.2640 0.04086 178 140 29 9
603 I didn't know you were home. 1.2640 0.04238 178 142 25 11
604 These stockings will go great with my ugly Christmas sweater. 1.2640 0.04007 178 139 31 8
605 I'm leaving you. 1.2640 0.04080 197 158 26 13
606 Someone's gotta go out in the snow and look for the cat. 1.2637 0.03948 182 142 32 8
607 Umm, you could just hop? 1.2634 0.03843 205 162 32 11
608 So sweet of you honey, they fit perfectly. 1.2632 0.04276 171 136 25 10
609 Then why are they called 'stockings'? 1.2632 0.04356 171 137 23 11
610 Screw Santa, my feet are cold! 1.2632 0.04028 171 133 31 7
611 Can’t you see I’m at least donning them with care? 1.2632 0.03941 171 132 33 6
612 These fit perfectly, I guess Santa thought you had one leg. 1.2628 0.03976 156 119 33 4
613 The kids will never know. 1.2628 0.04736 156 127 17 12
614 Well, you keep singing "all I want for Christmas is you." 1.2626 0.04061 198 159 26 13
615 I'll let you decide where you want the third stocking to go. 1.2626 0.03867 198 156 32 10
616 It’s applied art, Jerry. 1.2626 0.04217 179 143 25 11
617 All I want for Christmas is two warm feet 1.2625 0.04205 160 125 28 7
618 This year, I'll be more present. 1.2623 0.04152 183 146 26 11
619 The dog will like the toys we fill these with more if they smell like my socks. 1.2623 0.03852 183 142 34 7
620 Only one left,deal with it! 1.2622 0.04313 164 130 25 9
621 I knew I should’ve gotten these in an 8. 1.2622 0.04483 164 132 21 11
622 I decided to really get into the decorations this year. 1.2621 0.03888 206 164 30 12
623 Wait until you see what I did with our Menorah. 1.2621 0.04896 145 118 16 11
624 You’ve never seen an atheist with poor circulation celebrate Christmas? 1.2620 0.04089 187 149 27 11
625 Who's been a naughty boy? 1.2619 0.04157 168 132 28 8
626 You’re not from around here, are you? 1.2616 0.04007 172 134 31 7
627 If this doesn't put me in the Christmas spirit, then nothing will. 1.2614 0.04018 153 117 32 4
628 No, we fill them with presents, not with your presence! 1.2614 0.04186 176 140 26 10
629 Sweetie, those aren’t your Uggs. 1.2614 0.04028 176 138 30 8
630 It’s kick boxing day. 1.2611 0.03889 180 140 33 7
631 Am I naughty or nice? 1.2611 0.03808 180 139 35 6
632 I hope Santa brings a couple of insoles. 1.2609 0.04363 161 128 24 9
633 My Christmas wish is to get the washer fixed. 1.2609 0.04059 184 146 28 10
634 They're just for kicks. 1.2609 0.03910 184 144 32 8
635 I can’t believe after 25 years of marriage you just figured out I’m Santa Claus 1.2609 0.04451 161 129 22 10
636 Your mother knows I’m Jewish, right? 1.2606 0.04139 188 151 25 12
637 Baby, it's cold in here! 1.2604 0.03961 169 131 32 6
638 Fine, I won't touch the thermostat. 1.2601 0.04152 173 137 27 9
639 It's this or turn up the heat. 1.2601 0.04232 173 138 25 10
640 I use the candy canes as ankle supports. 1.2600 0.03767 200 157 34 9
641 You can have the hula hoop. 1.2597 0.04175 181 145 25 11
642 Don't worry. I'll hang them back up before Santa arrives. 1.2597 0.04101 181 144 27 10
643 I’ve been looking for these boots since you gave them to me last year. 1.2597 0.04248 181 146 23 12
644 Oh by the way we need more rum and egg nog. 1.2595 0.04040 185 147 28 10
645 I’m sick of shopping for stocking stuffers. 1.2595 0.04040 185 147 28 10
646 Were you using these? 1.2595 0.03815 185 144 34 7
647 I'm leaving you for an older man with a long white beard. 1.2593 0.04814 135 108 19 8
648 You don't have to believe in anything to know your feet are warm. 1.2593 0.04119 189 152 25 12
649 I said 'stockings.' Stockings would be sexy... 1.2593 0.04187 189 153 23 13
650 If you press down hard enough the lumps of coal turn into diamonds. 1.2590 0.04434 166 134 21 11
651 My other pair had a run in them. 1.2590 0.04596 166 136 17 13
652 Don't laugh: you thought my menorah was a backscratcher. 1.2590 0.04826 139 112 18 9
653 For YOU––and your 'foot thing.' 1.2589 0.03591 197 152 39 6
654 No stocking stuffers until you agree to turn up the thermostat. 1.2588 0.04197 170 135 26 9
655 Is this enough 'stepping into the holidays' for you, Jim? 1.2586 0.03882 174 135 33 6
656 Honey, you got ME for Christmas! 1.2586 0.04210 174 139 25 10
657 And the great thing is, they're cheaper than Uggs. 1.2586 0.03967 174 136 31 7
658 I’m trying to live in the present? 1.2586 0.03967 174 136 31 7
659 A nice thought, but it’s okay to admit you forgot to go shopping. 1.2584 0.03988 178 140 30 8
660 I'm suddenly getting cold feet about this whole Santa Claus malarky. 1.2584 0.03717 209 165 34 10
661 Go ahead and laugh, but they're doing wonders for my plantar fasciitis. 1.2581 0.04653 155 126 18 11
662 When I suggested that you put on some stockings by the fireplace, I had a different visual in mind. 1.2581 0.04020 186 148 28 10
663 I’ll go with it but that garter is way too big 1.2581 0.04469 155 124 22 9
664 This is the year they learn that I'VE been the REAL gift, all along. 1.2579 0.03745 190 148 35 7
665 This is not what I pictured when you said you were in red stockings. 1.2579 0.04205 159 125 27 7
666 I'm guessing you are new to this whole Christmas thing? 1.2577 0.03906 194 154 30 10
667 It's the new old-fashioned way. 1.2577 0.03695 194 151 36 7
668 Admit it. You've always wanted to try this. 1.2577 0.03837 194 153 32 9
669 You’ll have to hop. 1.2577 0.04488 163 132 20 11
670 I would rather just have warm feet. 1.2576 0.04641 132 104 22 6
671 This is the gayest apparel I could find. 1.2575 0.04492 167 136 19 12
672 Santa only gives me socks anyway. 1.2575 0.04070 167 131 29 7
673 Then turn up the heat 1.2574 0.03800 202 160 32 10
674 They may have been hung by the chimney with care, but I can't feel my toes. 1.2571 0.03777 175 135 35 5
675 I am the stocking stuffer. 1.2571 0.04189 175 140 25 10
676 Warm toes are the best present of all. 1.2570 0.04199 179 144 24 11
677 ...since the kids are gone.... 1.2568 0.03910 183 144 31 8
678 Now, you hula hoop the wreath and we go rock around the Christmas tree. Then we take another drink of eggnog. 1.2564 0.04536 156 126 20 10
679 It’s no different than wearing a bathing suit when you run out of underwear 1.2561 0.04204 164 130 26 8
680 Because I’m filled with the spirit of the season and I haven’t done laundry in two weeks. 1.2560 0.04221 168 134 25 9
681 I hate buying single use items. 1.2560 0.04136 168 133 27 8
682 happy wife, happy life 1.2560 0.04305 168 135 23 10
683 This is me getting into the season 1.2559 0.03297 211 161 46 4
684 Well, I’m not allowed to touch the thermostat so… 1.2558 0.03900 172 134 32 6
685 I’ve decided to be all-in this year. 1.2556 0.03788 180 140 34 6
686 All you want for Christmas is me. 1.2554 0.03967 184 146 29 9
687 They don’t have to match;I’m making a statement! 1.2554 0.03892 184 145 31 8
688 Quite frankly, it is none of your business. 1.2553 0.04870 141 115 16 10
689 Sorry, it’s laundry day 1.2553 0.03762 188 147 34 7
690 He's not coming and I'm cold. Light the &%@$# fire! 1.2552 0.03783 192 151 33 8
691 I now consider these stockings stuffed 1.2551 0.03870 196 156 30 10
692 You wear them around like this for a week to stretch them out, and you get twice as much useless junk. 1.2547 0.04159 161 127 27 7
693 I may have misunderstood what a stocking stuffer is 1.2547 0.03968 161 125 31 5
694 You can have the stockings back after you start the fire 1.2545 0.04269 165 132 24 9
695 Hot or not? 1.2545 0.04181 165 131 26 8
696 I thought they were UGGs. 1.2545 0.04092 165 130 28 7
697 Santa knows you have been naughty and have a foot fetish. 1.2545 0.04354 165 133 22 10
698 Well now that the holidays are over, it’d just be wasteful not to. 1.2545 0.04354 165 133 22 10
699 So sue me, my feet are cold. 1.2544 0.03939 169 132 31 6
700 I'm so glad I finally decided to try Christmas! 1.2544 0.03863 228 187 24 17
701 What are you the sock police? 1.2543 0.03793 173 134 34 5
702 Sweetie, that last one isn’t for your feet. 1.2541 0.04007 181 144 28 9
703 Tell me again, why did we have to run barefoot through the snow? 1.2541 0.04007 181 144 28 9
704 I thought 'stocking stuffers' meant feet." 1.2541 0.04165 185 150 23 12
705 My toes need to be holly jolly, too. 1.2541 0.03948 185 147 29 9
706 Yes, one of your feet will be cold until you light that log. 1.2541 0.03948 185 147 29 9
707 And I cannot wait for you to see how I wear the Christmas tree! 1.2536 0.03701 209 166 33 10
708 You get me socks every year. 1.2532 0.04278 154 122 25 7
709 I learned this during my Peace Corps rotation at the North Pole. 1.2532 0.04300 158 126 24 8
710 Reuse, recycle, rejoice! 1.2531 0.04043 162 127 29 6
711 Oh,relax. Once I get outside the chocolate firms up again like magic. 1.2531 0.04318 162 130 23 9
712 It gives a more homey feeling if I break them in first. 1.2529 0.04007 170 134 29 7
713 They’re UGG’s. 1.2529 0.03829 170 132 33 5
714 I based your stocking stuffers on your search history. 1.2529 0.04270 174 141 22 11
715 My ride's arrived. I'm out of here. 1.2528 0.04126 178 143 25 10
716 I think you misunderstood when I said I wanted you to wear stockings to bed FOR Christmas... 1.2527 0.03910 182 144 30 8
717 You play the naughty elf! 1.2527 0.04137 182 147 24 11
718 Maybe if Santa pays our heating bill this year I can take these off 1.2527 0.04063 182 146 26 10
719 It’s 17 degrees outside. If not now, when? 1.2525 0.03768 198 157 32 9
720 I might as well put these to some use since no one stuffs my stocking anyway 1.2525 0.03901 198 159 28 11
721 Your wildest Christmas dreams have been filled! 1.2524 0.03859 206 166 28 12
722 I don’t have a Christmas sweater to wear 1.2519 0.04669 135 108 20 7
723 No shoes allowed in the house? These are perfect! 1.2519 0.04169 135 104 28 3
724 I doesn't matter how much care they were hung with...my feet are cold. 1.2518 0.04462 139 110 23 6
725 Who said they can’t be multi-purpose? 1.2517 0.04704 143 116 18 9
726 Time to reboot. 1.2517 0.04225 151 119 26 6
727 Found the Leggos 1.2517 0.04225 151 119 26 6
728 Look, we did your thing with the 8 candles. Now we do mine. 1.2516 0.04631 155 127 17 11
729 I’ve been trying to figure out how to tell you the kids aren’t coming home for Christmas. 1.2516 0.03947 155 120 31 4
730 I lost the other one in the dryer 1.2515 0.04381 163 132 21 10
731 These are my 'you should have turned up the heat" stockings. 1.2515 0.04205 163 130 25 8
732 Oh, it’s this new TikTok challenge. 1.2515 0.04205 163 130 25 8
733 You get two stockings if you've been good. 1.2515 0.04137 167 133 26 8
734 Gotta love empty nesting! 1.2515 0.04223 167 134 24 9
735 The dryer's on the fritz. 1.2515 0.03899 171 134 31 6
736 Sure hope Santa brings some Uggs 1.2515 0.04071 171 136 27 8
737 You’d get it wrong too if you were raised by wolves. 1.2515 0.04237 171 138 23 10
738 Do I look too much like a ho ho ho? 1.2514 0.04090 175 140 26 9
739 Well, I don't have a sweater. 1.2514 0.04090 175 140 26 9
740 Well if you'd gotten me the wool socks I asked for *last* year .... 1.2514 0.04009 175 139 28 8
741 What? My feet are cold. 1.2513 0.03761 187 147 33 7
742 I AM filling your stocking! 1.2512 0.03608 211 167 35 9
743 The oven mitts were too small. 1.2500 0.04483 132 104 23 5
744 I know, but they're really warm. And festive. 1.2500 0.04069 176 141 26 9
745 I'm not sure that's what they meant by "wear Christmas attire" 1.2500 0.04227 124 95 27 2
746 Sorry, but it's the kinkiest boots I have... 1.2500 0.04008 180 144 27 9
747 It’s called repurposing. 1.2500 0.04130 156 123 27 6
748 I think that goes on the other foot. 1.2500 0.04326 156 125 23 8
749 Your Spotify shuffle played 'All I Want for Christmas is You' for a hundred times and I take the hint. 1.2500 0.03906 176 139 30 7
750 I'm your present, and also Dave's. Greg's getting something else" 1.2500 0.04008 180 144 27 9
751 Now lift me onto the mantel. 1.2500 0.04201 152 120 26 6
752 I wear the socks in this family! 1.2500 0.03904 164 128 31 5
753 This is what happens when you forget to do the laundry 1.2500 0.03699 172 133 35 4
754 Since you refuse to turn up the thermostat… 1.2500 0.03795 184 145 32 7
755 Now that you mention it, they do look a bit like Christmas stockings. 1.2500 0.03734 200 159 32 9
756 You told me not to warm my feet on your body anymore 1.2500 0.04782 148 122 15 11
757 I thought all you wanted for Christmas was me! 1.2500 0.04270 164 132 23 9
758 Warm wife means a good life 1.2500 0.03850 180 142 31 7
759 All I really want for Christmas are warm feet ! 1.2500 0.04159 160 127 26 7
760 What? I was cold. 1.2500 0.04403 152 122 22 8
761 Hint, hint:light the fire. 1.2500 0.03879 172 135 31 6
762 This is the best stocking stuff you’ll ever get 1.2500 0.04096 152 119 28 5
763 Thought I’d get into the Holiday Spirit 1.2500 0.03904 164 128 31 5
764 This year’s been tight 1.2500 0.03795 184 145 32 7
765 And we will just take turns leaving the house! 1.2487 0.03628 197 155 35 7
766 I stretch them out every year to enlarge them from last 1.2487 0.03969 197 160 25 12
767 Santa isn't real, Rick. 1.2486 0.04127 177 143 24 10
768 You just stepped on my candy, Joanne. 1.2486 0.04112 173 139 25 9
769 Well George, you said it was my turn to fill the stockings! 1.2486 0.03859 173 136 31 6
770 You better have bought me boots this year. 1.2485 0.04093 169 135 26 8
771 Just until you manage to light the fireplace 1.2484 0.04041 161 127 28 6
772 Oh honey, just what I needed! 1.2484 0.04229 161 129 24 8
773 Wait! NOW you believe in Santa?? 1.2484 0.04577 157 129 17 11
774 If the stocking fits 1.2484 0.04205 157 125 25 7
775 No, no, no, Rebecca. Santa goes on the left foot. 1.2484 0.04663 153 126 16 11
776 This is where your foray into crypto has gotten us 1.2484 0.04844 153 128 12 13
777 If you would just let me put my feet on you to warm up this wouldn’t be an issue. 1.2481 0.04189 133 103 27 3
778 Have you seen the price of Uggs lately!!?? 1.2473 0.03601 186 145 36 5
779 Are they Bombas? 1.2472 0.03867 178 141 30 7
780 Where did you ever find socks in my size? 1.2472 0.04183 178 145 22 11
781 If I have to go to your company Christmas party, then at least I’ll be comfortable. 1.2472 0.04106 178 144 24 10
782 Times are hard, Frank! 1.2472 0.03784 178 140 32 6
783 Didn’t you say all I want for Christmas is me? 1.2471 0.04091 174 140 25 9
784 Life's a lot simpler now that the kids have grown up. 1.2471 0.03752 174 136 33 5
785 The only things stuffing these stockings are my cold feet. 1.2471 0.04156 170 137 24 9
786 If Trump comes down that chimney, I'm gonna kick his ass! 1.2471 0.04156 170 137 24 9
787 All you get for Christmas is my two front feet 1.2471 0.03985 170 135 28 7
788 Well, my feet were cold. 1.2470 0.03956 166 131 29 6
789 Santa doesn't need to know that I haven't shaved my legs since Halloween. 1.2470 0.04310 166 135 21 10
790 I didn't spend 29.99 just to use these once a year 1.2470 0.03863 166 130 31 5
791 I’m sorry, Cole. It would just be weird if you wore them. 1.2470 0.04137 166 133 25 8
792 Ugly sweaters are so 20th century 1.2469 0.04295 162 131 22 9
793 I am your present! 1.2468 0.03984 158 124 29 5
794 You know this Fireplace is fake? 1.2468 0.04084 158 125 27 6
795 Think they’ll look good with my little black dress? 1.2468 0.04448 154 125 20 9
796 The washing machine ate one of yours. 1.2468 0.04543 154 126 18 10
797 Oh dear, have I ruined another holiday tradition? 1.2467 0.04328 150 120 23 7
798 This is affecting my mantel health! 1.2467 0.04224 150 119 25 6
799 I saw it on tik tok, okay?? 1.2467 0.04328 150 120 23 7
800 What's wrong - I left you one 1.2465 0.04143 142 111 27 4
801 Because the weather outside is frightful." 1.2464 0.04217 138 108 26 4
802 Last Christmas I gave you my heart, this year the rest of me 1.2463 0.03751 203 163 30 10
803 I hope no one will notice they are mismatched! 1.2458 0.03929 179 143 28 8
804 With all this merrymaking I haven't had time to do laundry. 1.2457 0.04150 175 142 23 10
805 They're not going to stuff themselves 1.2457 0.04150 175 142 23 10
806 Phil told me you have a stocking fetish. 1.2457 0.03905 175 139 29 7
807 Can you believe that Dad still won’t let us turn the thermostat above sixty-eight?! 1.2456 0.04297 171 140 20 11
808 What? Both my feet are cold, okay?? 1.2456 0.03695 171 133 34 4
809 There. Can you still smell my feet? 1.2456 0.03964 171 136 28 7
810 Just keeping my mistletoes warm 1.2455 0.04026 167 133 27 7
811 Well it isn't as silly looking as when you put my mother's menorah on the piano and did your Liberace impression. 1.2454 0.04359 163 133 20 10
812 It beats the tube socks my parents gave me for Hanukah. 1.2454 0.03901 163 128 30 5
813 Why not? The kids have finally moved out. 1.2454 0.04091 163 130 26 7
814 The garland is going to be my garter belt 1.2452 0.04327 155 125 22 8
815 I find that if I break them in, their volume increases measurably. 1.2452 0.04128 155 123 26 6
816 I'm taking the reindeer for a walk 1.2450 0.04303 151 121 23 7
817 I've fallen pretty behind on the laundry. 1.2450 0.03784 200 161 29 10
818 I told you… if they don’t fit, you must acquit. 1.2449 0.04588 147 120 18 9
819 But they were hung with such care.” 1.2448 0.04571 143 116 19 8
820 Wait here. I heard something on the roof. 1.2447 0.03873 188 151 28 9
821 mistle TOE 1.2446 0.04004 184 149 25 10
822 The war on Christmas will not be won with cold feet” 1.2443 0.04049 176 142 25 9
823 I guess you didn't like the Uggs I got you for Christmas. 1.2443 0.03801 176 139 31 6
824 Aren’t they stuffed with what you wished for? 1.2443 0.03885 176 140 29 7
825 The coal keeps me warm. 1.2443 0.04049 176 142 25 9
826 What? I can’t find my slippers. 1.2442 0.04113 172 139 24 9
827 You told me, ‘All I want for Christmas is you.’ 1.2442 0.04275 172 141 20 11
828 I'm giving you everything I've got. 1.2442 0.03767 172 135 32 5
829 Wait 'til you see my shoes. 1.2442 0.04113 172 139 24 9
830 I’ll take them off when you learn how to light the fire. 1.2442 0.03767 172 135 32 5
831 But baby, it’s cold outside. 1.2441 0.04964 127 104 15 8
832 Well, they're also going to the grocery store with care. 1.2440 0.04179 168 136 23 9
833 I’m going to kick them in their 'Season Greetings' asses. 1.2440 0.04346 168 138 19 11
834 I'm goin' in. 1.2440 0.04093 168 135 25 8
835 Peace on Earth" means no boots on the ground. 1.2439 0.04159 164 132 24 8
836 Stockings on the mantle? In THIS economy? 1.2439 0.03975 164 130 28 6
837 Get over it,The kids are grown. 1.2437 0.04039 160 127 27 6
838 They still fit! 1.2437 0.03940 160 126 29 5
839 Socks and stuffers 1.2437 0.04321 160 130 21 9
840 Oh good! They still fit. I try them on every year since our wedding day. 1.2436 0.04670 156 130 14 12
841 Again, Harold, I am the gift you have been waiting for. 1.2436 0.04302 156 126 22 8
842 This is the last time we wash all of our socks at once 1.2436 0.04204 156 125 24 7
843 The kids will never notice. 1.2436 0.04105 156 124 26 6
844 You said I’d look great in a pair of thigh high stockings. 1.2435 0.03802 193 155 29 9
845 My dog chewed up my winter boots. 1.2434 0.04174 152 121 25 6
846 I don’t feel the edibles - should I take more? 1.2434 0.04378 152 123 21 8
847 Nope, no coal 1.2434 0.03927 189 153 26 10
848 I'm appropriating these until you agree to turn the heat up. 1.2432 0.04354 148 119 22 7
849 This is what happens when you refuse to burn fossil fuels during winter, Kevin. 1.2432 0.04560 148 121 18 9
850 They're warm, but they do crunch when I walk 1.2431 0.03810 181 144 30 7
851 Ok Doris, I get it, it’s time to turn on the heat. 1.2429 0.03948 177 142 27 8
852 Reduce, reuse, repurpose. 1.2429 0.04286 140 111 24 5
853 Diane, I have a restraining order. You need to stop stocking me 1.2429 0.04519 140 113 20 7
854 Just til Christmas Eve! They’re more comfy than my Uggs. 1.2429 0.04164 140 110 26 4
855 This proves that Santa could fit way more gifts inside these stockings 1.2429 0.04164 140 110 26 4
856 They are called Uggs. These are Christmas stockings. There is a difference Bob. 1.2429 0.04164 140 110 26 4
857 SINCE YOU ARE ONLY HALF -JEWISH .... 1.2428 0.04331 173 143 18 12
858 What? There's no Santa so I'm repurposing them. 1.2428 0.03923 173 138 28 7
859 I miss my Uggs. 1.2426 0.04366 136 108 23 5
860 I'm a present that comes in two stockings. 1.2426 0.04071 169 136 25 8
861 You do you, but all I want for Christmas is two warm feet. 1.2426 0.03894 169 134 29 6
862 Quick- now you grab those presents from under the tree and we’ll get out of here 1.2426 0.03709 169 132 33 4
863 New boots, Brad. I want new boots for Christmas. 1.2424 0.04046 165 132 26 7
864 These are from the Bernie Sanders Holiday Collection. 1.2424 0.04703 132 107 18 7
865 When interfaith marriage goes wrong. 1.2424 0.04561 165 138 14 13
866 What? You said you found me sexy in stockings. 1.2424 0.04137 165 133 24 8
867 Uh-oh, I don't think these boots are made for walking'. 1.2422 0.04929 128 105 15 8
868 This is the one time of the year where I can find socks to actually fit my uniquely shaped feet. 1.2422 0.04259 128 100 25 3
869 You get to unwrap me at Christmas, lover boy. 1.2420 0.03980 157 124 28 5
870 Yes, Charles, I have been sleeping with Santa and he's waiting for me on the roof. 1.2420 0.04277 157 127 22 8
871 Well then, what DID you mean when you said I should stuff the stockings? 1.2419 0.03966 186 151 25 10
872 Can you explain Christmas to me again? 1.2418 0.04352 153 124 21 8
873 I know, I need to do laundry. 1.2418 0.04352 153 124 21 8
874 Sorry, I'm wrapping your present. 1.2418 0.04352 153 124 21 8
875 And don't even think about re-gifting me! 1.2416 0.04431 149 121 20 8
876 But, they looked so cozy! 1.2416 0.04328 149 120 22 7
877 You’re just planning to give me socks again, so why not? 1.2414 0.04407 145 117 21 7
878 What? I'm cold! 1.2414 0.03817 174 138 30 6
879 Thanks for the air fryer and the digital picture frame; guess I’ll wear these out to dinner tonight. 1.2414 0.04407 145 117 21 7
880 I AM your stocking stuffer! 1.2414 0.03948 145 113 29 3
881 Let’s face it. You were gonna put socks in there anyway. 1.2412 0.03716 199 160 30 9
882 I'm the gift! 1.2412 0.04049 170 137 25 8
883 I forgot to shave my legs. 1.2412 0.04380 170 141 17 12
884 Well, put it on then ... 1.2412 0.03874 170 135 29 6
885 I saw this great laundry hack on TikTok. 1.2410 0.04202 166 135 22 9
886 What?! He's not coming for a few weeks--I'm freezing! 1.2410 0.03839 166 131 30 5
887 Times are tough, Steve. 1.2410 0.04114 166 134 24 8
888 What? . . . . My feet are frozen. 1.2409 0.04459 137 110 21 6
889 These are the only stocking stuffers I can afford. 1.2407 0.04361 162 133 19 10
890 May as well wear them, we can’t afford heat, or stocking stuffers. 1.2407 0.04361 162 133 19 10
891 Frank and Carol never missed a game of hide the mistle-toe. 1.2406 0.04671 133 108 18 7
892 OK, ok.. I will turn up the heat. 1.2406 0.04420 133 106 22 5
893 Honey, it's not Christmas. It's an intervention 1.2403 0.04894 129 106 15 8
894 Ho ho hosiery." 1.2403 0.04126 154 123 25 6
895 Because my feet are cold. 1.2403 0.04022 154 122 27 5
896 You're right, I do feel younger. 1.2403 0.03915 154 121 29 4
897 I found the perfect stocking stuffers! 1.2400 0.03978 150 118 28 4
898 You're confused? Try puting Bombas at the top of your list and receiving a negligee. 1.2400 0.04197 150 120 24 6
899 You've made your point. I'll do the laundry. 1.2400 0.03967 175 141 26 8
900 Santa is going to have to deal with it, my feet are cold. 1.2400 0.03710 175 138 32 5
901 Alright put a sock in it 1.2400 0.04302 150 121 22 7
902 Yes, I'm stocking you. 1.2400 0.04089 150 119 26 5
903 Size matters. 1.2398 0.03942 171 137 27 7
904 What! They're stockings. 1.2397 0.03802 146 113 31 2
905 I got your stocking stuffer right here, big boy. 1.2397 0.04692 146 121 15 10
906 I decided to stuff my own stockings this year. 1.2397 0.04043 146 115 27 4
907 I’m stuffing the stockings this year. 1.2395 0.03723 167 131 32 4
908 So? Since when does fashion sense have to make sense? 1.2395 0.03723 167 131 32 4
909 When I suggested wearing stockings to bed, this wasn't quite what I had in mind. 1.2394 0.04680 142 117 16 9
910 Remember when you said, 'All I want for Christmas is you'? 1.2394 0.04572 142 116 18 8
911 It's laundry day. 1.2393 0.03972 163 130 27 6
912 I see the mistletoe, but I got cold feet. 1.2393 0.04067 163 131 25 7
913 Not as cozy as they look 1.2393 0.04067 163 131 25 7
914 I'll take warmth over presents any day. 1.2391 0.04548 138 112 19 7
915 These stockings were made for walking and that's just what I'll do. 1.2391 0.04775 138 114 15 9
916 Fine, you caught me. I’m Mrs. Claus. 1.2391 0.04548 138 112 19 7
917 You said you were tired of ugly Christmas sweaters. 1.2390 0.04133 159 128 24 7
918 What’s the last one for? 1.2390 0.03936 159 126 28 5
919 Isn't this what you meant when you said "why don't you put some stockings on"? 1.2390 0.03936 159 126 28 5
920 Have you seen my reindeer orthotics? 1.2386 0.04108 176 144 22 10
921 Comfort and Joy? 1.2385 0.04341 130 103 23 4
922 You could have told me you put tubes of super glue as stocking stuffers! 1.2384 0.04478 151 124 18 9
923 I was excited for my stocking stuffers and you didn’t disappoint !! 1.2384 0.03834 172 137 29 6
924 This is what happens when you forget to pay the heating bill. 1.2381 0.03798 168 133 30 5
925 It’s coal or me buster, take your pick! 1.2381 0.04070 168 136 24 8
926 It was at this moment that Bill knew they culturally too dissimilar to have a future. 1.2381 0.04837 126 103 16 7
927 Darling, I hate to tell you this but your campaign to be put on Santa’s “nice” list has suffered a major setback tonight. 1.2381 0.04426 126 100 22 4
928 Well, what are they for, then? 1.2381 0.03780 147 114 31 2
929 Festive Foot Fetish Foreplay 1.2381 0.04704 126 102 18 6
930 Do these stockings make my ankles look fat? 1.2381 0.04353 147 119 21 7
931 I wanted to see if they worked. 1.2378 0.03657 185 147 32 6
932 Carol it’s been 15 years - a little late for cold feet don’t you think? 1.2378 0.03757 164 129 31 4
933 They're orthopedic. 1.2377 0.04807 122 99 17 6
934 Going to get some Christmas garters. 1.2376 0.03599 202 162 32 8
935 You have been a very good boy this year. 1.2376 0.03789 181 145 29 7
936 Holiday UGGs? 1.2374 0.04402 139 112 21 6
937 Well, either knit another sock or light the fire. 1.2374 0.04402 139 112 21 6
938 Oh, you meant fishnet stockings? 1.2374 0.04519 139 113 19 7
939 Only a third of our kids still believe in Santa Claus, like a third of the population believes in Donald Trump. 1.2372 0.04179 156 126 23 7
940 This way nobody will feel compelled to get me socks 1.2372 0.04558 156 130 15 11
941 Well, you can hop, or we can have another kid. 1.2372 0.04277 156 127 21 8
942 OK, I’ll unlock the thermostat, already! 1.2370 0.04233 135 107 24 4
943 Yes, it's cold but this is more of a Cosplay thing. 1.2370 0.04487 135 109 20 6
944 Do my new Uggs look too much like Christmas stockings? 1.2367 0.04134 169 138 22 9
945 Don't be a baby! You can hop on one foot. 1.2367 0.03960 169 136 26 7
946 It's the new ugly Christmas sweater 1.2366 0.04576 131 106 19 6
947 It’s just decorative. 1.2366 0.04703 131 107 17 7
948 You ever wonder if maybe we’re getting this part all wrong? 1.2366 0.04019 186 153 22 11
949 it seems morre carbon neutral than lighting the fire! 1.2365 0.03995 148 117 27 4
950 I'm starting the re-gifting. 1.2365 0.04219 148 119 23 6
951 I only wear sustainable, cruelty free holiday decorations. 1.2365 0.04108 148 118 25 5
952 Open these at midnight. 1.2365 0.03995 148 117 27 4
953 If you weren’t such a tightwad, Harry, we could have a fire in the fireplace and I could wear silk slippers instead. 1.2365 0.04219 148 119 23 6
954 Well you did say “All I want for Christmas is you”… 1.2364 0.04202 165 135 21 9
955 Ugh(s). 1.2363 0.03929 182 148 25 9
956 Office party today. I went as the Ho-Ho ho. 1.2361 0.04180 144 115 24 5
957 Perfect! Lucky thing I was born with two left feet. 1.2360 0.04087 161 130 24 7
958 I guess we know who was naughty and who was nice. 1.2360 0.03893 161 128 28 5
959 No, they don't make you look thinner, but you make the fireplace look asymmetrical. 1.2360 0.03741 178 142 30 6
960 All I want for Christmas is my two warm feet! 1.2358 0.04630 123 99 19 5
961 Don't ask where I've put the mistletoe. 1.2357 0.04489 140 114 19 7
962 But I thought you were all in to sustainability! 1.2357 0.04254 140 112 23 5
963 The lump of coal keeps my feet warm. 1.2357 0.04252 157 128 21 8
964 Can we PLEASE turn on the heat? 1.2357 0.04055 157 126 25 6
965 I was thinking how we might re-imagine Christmas 1.2356 0.03881 174 140 27 7
966 It’s for the annual Xmas costume party; I’m going as a stocking stuffer. 1.2353 0.04017 153 122 26 5
967 Honey, I am giving you the best gift that you already have 1.2353 0.03797 153 120 30 3
968 Let’s three-legged race around the living room while the kids are sleeping. 1.2353 0.05022 119 98 14 7
969 I'll admit it, the stockings were sexier on your birthday. 1.2353 0.05022 119 98 14 7
970 I’m sorry, I thought it was my turn to ruin Christmas 1.2353 0.04074 136 107 26 3
971 These come off when you stop being a grinch about the thermostat. 1.2353 0.04074 136 107 26 3
972 Let's get this party started. 1.2349 0.03908 166 133 27 6
973 I thought he misspoke when he said I had pretty big socks to fill 1.2349 0.04001 166 134 25 7
974 Look, Linda and Nathan Jr. are never coming back. You know this. 1.2349 0.04300 149 121 21 7
975 Warm feet are the best gift of all. 1.2349 0.04300 149 121 21 7
976 You’re ‘Big Foot’? 1.2348 0.04676 115 92 19 4
977 Lacking a sweater ugly enough to win, competitive Cathy decided to change to the paradigm. 1.2348 0.04337 115 90 23 2
978 It’s me… I’m the gift 1.2346 0.04122 179 148 20 11
979 Honey, at some point you really have to do laundry. 1.2346 0.04338 162 134 18 10
980 OUCH. There’s a Lego in this one. 1.2346 0.03871 162 129 28 5
981 I'm taking the kids' 1.2346 0.03969 162 130 26 6
982 It's laundry day and I have a meeting downtown. They will be back up tonight, I promise. 1.2346 0.04064 162 131 24 7
983 « It’s for a meme, alright? » 1.2346 0.03969 162 130 26 6
984 I need to do laundry. 1.2345 0.04486 145 119 18 8
985 Thank You! I love them!! 1.2345 0.04486 145 119 18 8
986 I'll put them back as soon as the kids arrive. 1.2344 0.04365 128 102 22 4
987 Well all I ever get is socks in my stockings 1.2343 0.03861 175 141 27 7
988 Santa comes once a year but my toes have been cold since Thanksgiving. 1.2343 0.04028 175 143 23 9
989 Better than coal. 1.2343 0.03504 175 137 35 3
990 I'm expanding my palette beyond ugly sweaters. 1.2342 0.04131 158 128 23 7
991 What? They’re my duel purpose Christmas Stockings and Fireplace Heated Leg Warmers. 1.2342 0.04322 158 130 19 9
992 Don’t worry; I won’t leave them on until March like last year. 1.2342 0.04032 158 127 25 6
993 If it's like the last 15 years, you were giving me socks anyway. 1.2340 0.04346 141 114 21 6
994 You'd think they come in matching pairs. 1.2338 0.03661 154 120 32 2
995 Yeah, I know it’s weird but what do you expect from us?” “Our eyes and our mouths are on one side of our noses. 1.2335 0.04242 167 138 19 10
996 You wanted me to be more present 1.2333 0.04984 120 99 14 7
997 Seriously honey, you don't have to get me anything for Christmas, its fine. 1.2333 0.04168 150 121 23 6
998 You said I should stuff it 1.2331 0.04760 133 110 15 8
999 No thanks. I’m stuffed. 1.2330 0.04087 176 145 21 10
1000 Nope nothing in this one either 1.2327 0.04010 159 128 25 6
1001 What did you expect? You're a nut about the thermostat. 1.2327 0.03909 159 127 27 5
1002 See? It covers my cast perfectly! 1.2326 0.04472 129 104 20 5
1003 I thought you said all you want for Christmas is me 1.2326 0.04861 129 107 14 8
1004 Clara: Your mother said they were a fire hazard. Steve: She also said we should have gotten divorced ten years ago. 1.2326 0.04069 172 141 22 9
1005 Let’s be honest—nothing I really want fits in them anyway. 1.2323 0.04276 155 127 20 8
1006 I wanna be your stocking stuffer!! 1.2323 0.04177 155 126 22 7
1007 I'm wearing a mistletoe belt in case you're wondering. 1.2321 0.04303 168 140 17 11
1008 I'm getting into the spirit of the true meaning of stockings. 1.2321 0.03773 168 134 29 5
1009 It's the latest in fetish wear. 1.2320 0.03768 181 146 28 7
1010 I left one for you. You know where to put it 1.2320 0.04563 125 101 19 5
1011 Do these stockings make me look fat? 1.2319 0.04633 138 114 16 8
1012 Oddly enough the snowman stocking is warmer than the Christmas tree one. 1.2319 0.04399 138 112 20 6
1013 You're the best stocking gift ever, honey. 1.2319 0.04277 138 111 22 5
1014 Well, then you should have hung them by the chimney with care. 1.2318 0.04452 151 125 17 9
1015 I forgot to take the garbage out 1.2318 0.04249 151 123 21 7
1016 The toy cars hurt a little but the tangerines and chocolate feel pretty nice. 1.2318 0.04249 151 123 21 7
1017 They were on sale 1.2318 0.04249 151 123 21 7
1018 This way I can go one more day before I have to do laundry. 1.2317 0.04020 164 133 24 7
1019 This way I won’t forget to hang them up when we go to bed. 1.2317 0.04020 164 133 24 7
1020 I keep losing my socks in the dryer. 1.2316 0.03822 177 143 27 7
1021 Don't look at me that way. We're Jewish! 1.2313 0.04845 134 112 13 9
1022 Yes, I realize they were hung there with care, but, in this instance, I believe my need for warm feet trumps your need to maintain proper, yuletide etiquette. 1.2313 0.04535 147 122 16 9
1023 I thought you like when I wear stockings. 1.2313 0.04215 147 119 22 6
1024 My podiatrist’s office is having an ugly Christmas sock contest. I’m a shoo-in. 1.2313 0.04535 147 122 16 9
1025 Light the fire - Burn the sox. Wear the sox - Save the sox. Either way I'm warm. 1.2312 0.04180 160 131 21 8
1026 No Gary, I don't mind that you didn't get me UGGs for Christmas. I'm alllll gooooood. 1.2312 0.04085 160 130 23 7
1027 You got me, I'm, Jewish. 1.2312 0.04180 160 131 21 8
1028 Just to emphasize that I’m expecting Santa to knock my socks off! 1.2312 0.04180 160 131 21 8
1029 I didn't feel like doing the laundry. 1.2312 0.03887 160 128 27 5
1030 Looking at the world right now, I opt for cozy. 1.2312 0.03790 173 139 28 6
1031 What? My laundry has an hour left. 1.2308 0.03461 169 132 35 2
1032 It's either these are you turn up the thermostat. 1.2308 0.04291 143 116 21 6
1033 They fit but don't match. 1.2308 0.04096 117 91 25 1
1034 I love the feeling of warm Hershey’s Kisses between my toes. 1.2308 0.04441 130 105 20 5
1035 All my socks are in the dirty clothes hamper. 1.2308 0.04305 130 104 22 4
1036 You're right -- Reese's do melt faster than Almond Roca. 1.2308 0.05205 117 98 11 8
1037 i thought you said stockings were sexy… 1.2308 0.03931 143 113 27 3
1038 I mean… I did say I’d try anything once… 1.2308 0.04404 143 117 19 7
1039 Don't give me that look, Santa's not coming anyway 1.2303 0.04045 178 147 21 10
1040 It was a two for one sale, Dan. I told you to use the coupon. 1.2303 0.03718 178 143 29 6
1041 Since none of our gifts fit in them... 1.2303 0.03998 165 134 24 7
1042 Close, except my request to Santa was ten years younger and fifteen pounds lighter. 1.2303 0.04089 165 135 22 8
1043 They ARE stockings! 1.2303 0.04119 152 123 23 6
1044 Figured I'd put them to good use instead of letting them fill up with coal. 1.2303 0.04012 152 122 25 5
1045 This is one of your odder sexual fantasies 1.2302 0.04714 139 116 14 9
1046 You've driven me to it. Who keeps the thermostat set at 59 degrees? 1.2302 0.04530 126 102 19 5
1047 And just like every year before, mom fills her own stockings. 1.2302 0.04802 126 104 15 7
1048 Well if you’re not going to turn on the heat… 1.2299 0.03943 174 142 24 8
1049 My feet would not be so cold if you had simply lit the fire 1.2298 0.03965 161 130 25 6
1050 Here comes your perfect Christmas present. 1.2298 0.03659 161 127 31 3
1051 I’m tired of fighting over the thermostat. 1.2297 0.03964 148 118 26 4
1052 I thought I would save you the trouble filling them with the usual crap. 1.2297 0.04298 148 121 20 7
1053 Yes, this is a hint. I need new slippers. 1.2297 0.04190 148 120 22 6
1054 Well, we are empty nesters now! 1.2297 0.04507 148 123 16 9
1055 This isn't what I meant by 'put on your stockings' 1.2296 0.04576 135 111 17 7
1056 Looks like you have one leg too many 1.2294 0.04004 170 139 23 8
1057 If you stretch them out you get more gifts! 1.2294 0.04090 170 140 21 9
1058 I thought you said ‘all you wanted for Christmas is me?’ 1.2294 0.04004 170 139 23 8
1059 Look, you can do hygge your way. 1.2294 0.04004 170 139 23 8
1060 I saw a Kardashian wearing them. 1.2292 0.04030 144 115 25 4
1061 It’s okay, these are compression stockings. 1.2292 0.04593 144 120 15 9
1062 I TOLD you they’re SOCKS! 1.2292 0.04148 144 116 23 5
1063 Practical. 1.2292 0.04593 144 120 15 9
1064 Oh you meant those stockings 1.2292 0.04376 144 118 19 7
1065 I'm not hanging them until you either get a fire going or turn up the thermostat. 1.2290 0.04411 131 106 20 5
1066 That’s right. I’M your stocking stuffer this year, babe. 1.2290 0.03991 131 103 26 2
1067 One of us has to get him out of there; and I’m not ruining the Manolos you got me!” 1.2289 0.04067 166 136 22 8
1068 Yes I asked for socks for Christmas; just not these socks. 1.2289 0.04067 166 136 22 8
1069 I forgot about these. You can scratch the Uggs off my Christmas list. 1.2289 0.03976 166 135 24 7
1070 Christmas is the time we should be thinking of… WOAH these are comfy 1.2288 0.04300 153 126 19 8
1071 What? I have bad circulation. 1.2286 0.04342 140 114 20 6
1072 You'll just have to hop. 1.2286 0.04342 140 114 20 6
1073 Santa" never game me the furry slippers I asked for.. 1.2286 0.03752 175 141 28 6
1074 Recession chic 1.2286 0.04098 140 112 24 4
1075 Thanks for nothing. 1.2284 0.03765 197 162 25 10
1076 I was very bad so these would just hang there empty. 1.2284 0.04039 162 132 23 7
1077 We have our Zoom holiday party at work today 1.2284 0.03943 162 131 25 6
1078 I didn't do laundry yesterday, and these were right here, so.... 1.2284 0.03844 162 130 27 5
1079 …. and that’s why you should always buy them in pairs, honey! 1.2284 0.04133 162 133 21 8
1080 What?! I’m just running out to the mailbox. 1.2284 0.03844 162 130 27 5
1081 I'm an atheist. 1.2282 0.04377 149 123 18 8
1082 You already put the oranges in them, didn’t you? 1.2282 0.04054 149 120 24 5
1083 They’re cheaper than uggs 1.2281 0.03806 171 138 27 6
1084 You said you liked me in stockings 1.2279 0.04424 136 111 19 6
1085 Honey, those aren’t exactly the stockings I was hoping to see you in. 1.2278 0.04297 158 131 18 9
1086 Yes-I’ll put them back up by Xmas Eve… 1.2278 0.03926 180 148 23 9
1087 I'm really feeling the Christmas spirit! And the cold. 1.2276 0.03883 145 115 27 3
1088 Keeping my stocking stuffers toasty, that's all. 1.2276 0.04123 145 117 23 5
1089 Baby, it's cold outside. 1.2275 0.03955 167 136 24 7
1090 You’re kidding me! They’re meant to be hung with care? 1.2275 0.03862 167 135 26 6
1091 Get your own, I’m not sharing. 1.2275 0.03955 167 136 24 7
1092 Since these are empty, I'm going out to see if "Santa" left something in the garage! 1.2273 0.04372 154 128 17 9
1093 I guess you'll have to hop. 1.2273 0.03965 154 124 25 5
1094 Go ahead and say Ugg, Mr. Smarty-pants. 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
1095 What? Baby it's cold outside... 1.2273 0.03965 154 124 25 5
1096 Quick! The floor is egg nog. 1.2273 0.03857 154 123 27 4
1097 Look, I got house shoes; what did you get? 1.2270 0.04201 163 135 19 9
1098 Uggs weren’t in the budget, Randy. 1.2270 0.04017 163 133 23 7
1099 Do they make me look too hot? 1.2270 0.04314 141 115 20 6
1100 That one is for Mr. Peyronie's. 1.2267 0.04139 150 122 22 6
1101 Santa likes me naughty. 1.2267 0.04139 150 122 22 6
1102 What? 1.2267 0.04030 150 121 24 5
1103 “Yes, I’m coming, but I’m surprised these stockings are what you had in mind, love.” 1.2266 0.04182 128 102 23 3
1104 My doctor said stockings would help my varicose veins 1.2263 0.04515 137 113 17 7
1105 Guess where I put the tree. 1.2263 0.04515 137 113 17 7
1106 But my mother said wearing stockings really used to turn men on. 1.2262 0.04023 168 138 22 8
1107 It was your turn to do the laundry. 1.2262 0.03933 168 137 24 7
1108 I’d rather be warm than gifted. 1.2262 0.03933 168 137 24 7
1109 All I want for Christmas is for you to appreciate my avant-garde approach to festive fashion. 1.2262 0.04023 168 138 22 8
1110 Sweets in that one, savory treats in these two? 1.2260 0.04430 146 121 17 8
1111 Like you asked, again and again, all you'll get for Christmas is me. 1.2260 0.04211 146 119 21 6
1112 I saw this life hack on TikTok 1.2260 0.03980 146 117 25 4
1113 For the last time, dear, 'ultimate stocking stuffer' is not to be taken literally. 1.2260 0.04045 177 147 20 10
1114 I'm gonna catch him this year on his own turf. 1.2258 0.04837 124 103 14 7
1115 I'm out of here. 1.2258 0.04837 124 103 14 7
1116 If the shoe fits... 1.2258 0.03942 155 125 25 5
1117 These are socks, aren't they? 1.2258 0.03431 186 148 34 4
1118 I'M ALREADY ON THE NAUGHTY LIST. 1.2256 0.04087 164 135 21 8
1119 Just for decor? In THIS economy?! 1.2256 0.04178 164 136 19 9
1120 This is obviously the only way I’ll get anything in my stocking, so… 1.2256 0.03703 164 131 29 4
1121 I feel like you're stocking me. 1.2254 0.04287 142 116 20 6
1122 These are stockings, right!? 1.2254 0.04514 142 118 16 8
1123 All I want for Christmas is for Santa to pay the gas bill….. 1.2252 0.03660 151 119 30 2
1124 Stocking stuffer? I hardly know her! 1.2252 0.04114 151 123 22 6
1125 I'm tired of getting socks for Christmas. 1.2252 0.03779 151 120 28 3
1126 I don’t have an ugly Christmas sweater for the party, but I have these socks. 1.2250 0.04501 120 97 19 4
1127 I'm sorry to upset you, but I'm getting cold feet. 1.2250 0.03650 160 127 30 3
1128 The old traditions are lame and it's cold outside. I'm going shopping 1.2250 0.04058 160 131 22 7
1129 This is how I get Christmas spirit from my head to my toes. 1.2250 0.03960 160 130 24 6
1130 What? You were supposed to start a fire. My feet were cold. 1.2250 0.03757 160 128 28 4
1131 Ugg, I can’t find my boots! 1.2246 0.04485 138 114 17 7
1132 I’m leaving that one hanging by the chimney with care just in case. 1.2246 0.04116 138 111 23 4
1133 No, the weird thing is that I don't wear these all year round. 1.2246 0.04485 138 114 17 7
1134 It’s called fashion Dave, look it up. 1.2245 0.04072 147 119 23 5
1135 I can do the holiday shopping or I can do the laundry, but I can't do both. 1.2245 0.04609 147 124 13 10
1136 I’ve been naughty 1.2245 0.04402 147 122 17 8
1137 I can never find a pair that match. 1.2245 0.04072 147 119 23 5
1138 I'm running away with Santa, and this is how he wants me. 1.2245 0.04185 147 120 21 6
1139 . "All my other socks are dirty." 1.2245 0.04072 147 119 23 5
1140 Can you pass me that necklace as well. 1.2244 0.04125 156 128 21 7
1141 You shouldn't have. 1.2244 0.04321 156 130 17 9
1142 What? Your sock drawer was empty. 1.2244 0.03920 156 126 25 5
1143 If this was a real fireplace, I wouldn't need to wear these! 1.2244 0.03813 156 125 27 4
1144 Coal…really? 1.2242 0.03782 165 133 27 5
1145 Either build a wood fire or you spend Christmas with one very cold foot.” 1.2240 0.04379 125 101 20 4
1146 Well, I sold my only shoes for your gift. 1.2240 0.04379 125 101 20 4
1147 Well, it’s better than an ugly Christmas sweater. 1.2240 0.04524 125 102 18 5
1148 You’ve been seeing Klaus again, haven’t you? 1.2238 0.04373 143 118 18 7
1149 I'll put them back up after I put out the garbage. 1.2238 0.04485 143 119 16 8
1150 A whole new meaning to Stocking Stuffer! 1.2237 0.04090 152 124 22 6
1151 The Missing Sock! 1.2236 0.03838 161 130 26 5
1152 Are these slippers cute or what? 1.2236 0.04131 161 133 20 8
1153 Stockings? No, these are my new Christmas UGGS. 1.2236 0.04035 161 132 22 7
1154 I’m too lazy to do laundry right now 1.2235 0.03924 179 148 22 9
1155 Someone needs to let Santa in. 1.2231 0.04619 121 99 17 5
1156 My mistletoe is cold. 1.2231 0.04793 130 109 13 8
1157 I couldn’t find any matches 1.2231 0.04404 130 106 19 5
1158 It’s my new decarbonization strategy. 1.2230 0.04048 148 120 23 5
1159 … And I should have married a man that knows how to start a fire… 1.2230 0.04375 148 123 17 8
1160 Carol was surprised that Nick even cared. 1.2230 0.04160 148 121 21 6
1161 And this is the foot I'm going to use to kick your ass. 1.2229 0.04101 157 129 21 7
1162 I thought they were holiday-themed Uggs. 1.2229 0.04001 157 128 23 6
1163 Well, you wanted our stockings to be full this year. 1.2229 0.03569 157 124 31 2
1164 Call me greedy. I'm stretching them out. 1.2229 0.04296 157 131 17 9
1165 Babe, this year, your present, you're looking at it. 1.2229 0.04042 166 137 21 8
1166 We should lower kids' expectations a bit 1.2229 0.03815 175 143 25 7
1167 Did you put Legos in Junior’s stocking?! 1.2222 0.04543 135 112 16 7
1168 Your culture frightens and confuses me. 1.2222 0.04107 162 134 20 8
1169 Don’t worry, on December 26th they’re back in the attic. 1.2222 0.04293 135 110 20 5
1170 For naughty kids, they say the smell is more effective than coal. 1.2222 0.04663 135 113 14 8
1171 They’re warmer than plastic bread bags. 1.2222 0.04346 144 119 18 7
1172 I decided to fill my own damned stockings this year. 1.2222 0.04013 162 133 22 7
1173 You were only getting coal anyway. 1.2222 0.03689 171 138 28 5
1174 These are not too sheer, are they? 1.2222 0.03594 171 137 30 4
1175 What? My one-legged ex-husband and I wore these for years. 1.2222 0.04066 153 125 22 6
1176 Wow, that eggnog was…wow. 1.2222 0.04560 117 95 18 4
1177 But they're COLD! 1.2222 0.03959 153 124 24 5
1178 I guess we should buy one more 1.2222 0.03817 162 131 26 5
1179 The stockings were hung by the chimney with care Until Marcia wore them everywhere. 1.2222 0.04027 135 108 24 3
1180 Dear, I don't think you can put off doing the laundry any longer. 1.2216 0.03543 167 133 31 3
1181 Hey, if the shoe fits... 1.2216 0.03741 167 135 27 5
1182 maybe now you’ll light the fire, John. 1.2215 0.03769 158 127 27 4
1183 So, light the damn fire! 1.2215 0.04023 149 121 23 5
1184 I guess I’m a stocking stuffer. 1.2215 0.03909 149 120 25 4
1185 Why? Because you’re too cheap to turn up the heat! 1.2215 0.04023 149 121 23 5
1186 I thought you said I was your greatest gift? 1.2215 0.03791 149 119 27 3
1187 Too much egg nog again, Margaret? 1.2215 0.04134 149 122 21 6
1188 I promise it’s just cold feet 1.2215 0.04134 149 122 21 6
1189 Next year, we go back to doing Elf on the Shelf, okay?? 1.2214 0.04309 140 115 19 6
1190 They’re all the rage this year. 1.2214 0.04238 131 106 21 4
1191 I always wanted stocking feet for Christmas. 1.2214 0.04506 131 108 17 6
1192 I heard if you click your heels together three times you end up in the North Pole 1.2214 0.04635 131 109 15 7
1193 Are you sure that's’ all you want for Christmas? 1.2213 0.04434 122 99 19 4
1194 Now put me up on the fireplace, I'm gonna catch the guy in the red suit red handed. 1.2213 0.04584 122 100 17 5
1195 I filled two stockings. 1.2209 0.03990 163 134 22 7
1196 This is what happens when you won't turn up the thermostat 1.2209 0.03894 163 133 24 6
1197 I will do anything to avoid doing laundry. 1.2209 0.03796 163 132 26 5
1198 Just what I need for New York Fashion Week. 1.2208 0.04346 154 129 16 9
1199 You ask for sexy stockings, I'll meet you halfway. 1.2208 0.04042 154 126 22 6
1200 Looks like you're going to have to hop on one foot 1.2208 0.03936 154 125 24 5
1201 Let's get naked! 1.2208 0.04346 154 129 16 9
1202 You're right. I should have taken the coal out first. 1.2208 0.03936 154 125 24 5
1203 If you would light the damned fire, I wouldn't have to wear these. 1.2207 0.03972 145 117 24 4
1204 Well someone has to climb up there and unstick him! 1.2206 0.04390 136 112 18 6
1205 Well turn on the fireplace and I might not be so cold! 1.2206 0.04264 136 111 20 5
1206 You deal with our empty nest your way, I’ll deal with it my way. 1.2206 0.04390 136 112 18 6
1207 Wreather Madness 1.2206 0.04390 136 112 18 6
1208 People have been wearing these on TikTok 1.2206 0.04264 136 111 20 5
1209 I can feel the Christmas sprit spreading from head to toe. 1.2205 0.04598 127 105 16 6
1210 I'll go shovel the roof. 1.2203 0.04193 118 94 22 2
1211 It’s the historically accurate way to use them, Greg. 1.2203 0.04683 118 97 16 5
1212 Aside from the oranges and lumps of coal, they’re super comfortable. 1.2203 0.04362 118 95 20 3
1213 Doesn't that 'de- feet" the purpose? 1.2201 0.04246 159 133 17 9
1214 Okay…I’ve always wanted to do this! 1.2200 0.03999 150 122 23 5
1215 They are stockings, right? My feet are cold. 1.2200 0.04217 150 124 19 7
1216 I think the cat might've already hung something with care. 1.2200 0.04109 150 123 21 6
1217 What? It’s hard to find festive wide-calf stockings! 1.2200 0.03768 150 120 27 3
1218 Are they naughty or nice? 1.2199 0.04038 141 114 23 4
1219 Until you agree to turn up the heat, these are my stocking stuffers. 1.2199 0.04161 141 115 21 5
1220 I thought a visual might get the point across that I'm tired of getting slippers every year. 1.2199 0.04281 141 116 19 6
1221 Oh, please. Hang it up. 1.2199 0.04161 141 115 21 5
1222 It was the only clean pair I could find. 1.2197 0.04475 132 109 17 6
1223 What? I didn't have a childhood. 1.2197 0.04344 132 108 19 5
1224 ‘Twas the eggnog before Xmas. 1.2197 0.04475 132 109 17 6
1225 Can you help me with the groceries? 1.2195 0.04551 123 101 17 5
1226 Do these look ok? I forgot to buy an ugly Christmas sweater for the office party 1.2195 0.04551 123 101 17 5
1227 You can go stuff yourself 1.2194 0.04222 155 129 18 8
1228 I am gifted, John. 1.2194 0.04121 155 128 20 7
1229 Be patient and wait for your turn, George. 1.2194 0.03913 155 126 24 5
1230 Can we please light a fire? 1.2192 0.03700 146 116 28 2
1231 I know it, someone needs to do the laundry. 1.2192 0.03947 146 118 24 4
1232 I'm leaving you Johnny. 1.2192 0.04180 146 120 20 6
1233 Balenciaga charges thousands for these 1.2192 0.04506 146 123 14 9
1234 Your text said, “Put on something sexy, I’ll be home in 20.” Was this not what you meant? 1.2192 0.04400 146 122 16 8
1235 It's treatment for the agony of de feet. 1.2190 0.04107 137 111 22 4
1236 I thought you said all you wanted for Christmas was me. 1.2190 0.03837 137 109 26 2
1237 I never liked you. 1.2188 0.04404 160 136 13 11
1238 You said I’m your best Christmas present. 1.2188 0.04031 160 132 21 7
1239 Either you relent and we turn on the heat, or I keep wearing them. 1.2185 0.04085 151 124 21 6
1240 Warm feet ARE the spirit of Christmas. 1.2185 0.04191 151 125 19 7
1241 If you wanted a pair, you shouldn't have had the vasectomy. 1.2185 0.04191 151 125 19 7
1242 It’s on TikTok!” #xmassock 1.2185 0.04191 151 125 19 7
1243 Why would I wear the wreath? 1.2185 0.04491 119 97 18 4
1244 I refuse to be barefoot and pregnant on Christmas. 1.2184 0.03896 174 144 22 8
1245 Andy Borowitz would have a good line for this drawing! 1.2184 0.03810 174 143 24 7
1246 I thought I'd share athlete's foot this season. 1.2183 0.04135 142 116 21 5
1247 Think of me as Santa, and I am filling your stockings... 1.2183 0.04483 142 119 15 8
1248 Your turn! Put the third one on wherever you want 1.2183 0.04370 142 118 17 7
1249 We could make a three-legged race our new Christmas tradition. 1.2183 0.04254 142 117 19 6
1250 I’ve been exploring alternative therapies for seasonal depression. 1.2182 0.05227 110 93 10 7
1251 In my opinion, the kids' greatest gift is me. 1.2180 0.04694 133 112 13 8
1252 This is what happens when it's YOUR turn to do the laundry and you don't! 1.2180 0.04444 133 110 17 6
1253 We’ll share them. 1.2180 0.04180 133 108 21 4
1254 I’m starting a new tradition. 1.2179 0.03890 156 127 24 5
1255 I didn't fully understand the consequences of having one child 1.2179 0.04097 156 129 20 7
1256 You’re the one that wants to keep the thermostat down to save money! 1.2179 0.03890 156 127 24 5
1257 This will beat any sweater at the party! 1.2179 0.03995 156 128 22 6
1258 If it doesn’t fit, you must acquit. 1.2177 0.04517 124 102 17 5
1259 ..... or would you rather have coal? 1.2177 0.04660 124 103 15 6
1260 your present is inbetween 1.2177 0.04373 147 123 16 8
1261 I don’t care if your mother did make these by hand — 1.2177 0.04154 147 121 20 6
1262 What? I'm upcycling. 1.2176 0.03866 170 140 23 7
1263 Why not? By the time you finish the bottle of eggnog you'll be wearing the Christmas tree. 1.2174 0.04416 115 93 19 3
1264 "I just found out how an old and stale Christmas Cookie crumbles." 1.2174 0.04080 138 112 22 4
1265 They’re Christmas compression stockings 1.2174 0.04749 115 95 15 5
1266 Yup. Now put on the third one. 1.2174 0.04452 138 115 16 7
1267 I prefer practical gifts. 1.2174 0.04240 115 92 21 2
1268 Why try? I’m the best gift you’re ever gonna get 1.2174 0.03910 161 132 23 6
1269 I heard that because of Santa's diabetes he had to have one leg amputated. 1.2168 0.04563 143 121 13 9
1270 If you let me turn the heat up, I wouldn't have to resort to this... 1.2168 0.04342 143 119 17 7
1271 All I want for Christmas is my two front feet. 1.2168 0.04454 143 120 15 8
1272 No one will guess that they are orthotics! 1.2167 0.04761 120 100 14 6
1273 I wear the stockings in this family. 1.2164 0.04661 134 113 13 8
1274 Well since YOU won’t give me a footrub… 1.2162 0.04016 148 121 22 5
1275 This one feels like oranges. 1.2162 0.04016 148 121 22 5
1276 They keep my feet warm, but I tend to melt the chocolate. 1.2162 0.03899 148 120 24 4
1277 Beverly came up with a clever way to remind Tom that slippers were on her gift wish list. 1.2162 0.04128 148 122 20 6
1278 And you can be the naughty boy that can’t wait to open your gifts. 1.2162 0.04450 148 125 14 9
1279 Yeah but they’re still socks. 1.2162 0.03899 148 120 24 4
1280 What choice do I have? You won't light the fireplace and my feet are cold. 1.2160 0.03789 162 132 25 5
1281 Behold the world's cutest stocking stuffer. 1.2160 0.04174 162 136 17 9
1282 Straight off the catwalk in Milan, the salesperson said. 1.2160 0.04626 125 104 15 6
1283 You can roast your chestnuts on the open fire for all I care. 1.2160 0.04484 125 103 17 5
1284 He married a nice Jewish girl this year. She'll get the hang of it. 1.2158 0.04181 139 114 20 5
1285 The beauty is, you get to choose which foot. 1.2158 0.04303 139 115 18 6
1286 This takes on a new meaning of put a sock on it. 1.2158 0.04423 139 116 16 7
1287 Should I hang these on the mantle, or are your toes still cold? 1.2157 0.03703 153 123 27 3
1288 Did I complain when you put twenty-five inflated Santas in the front yard? 1.2157 0.04244 153 128 17 8
1289 I don't think the children will miss these. Do you? 1.2155 0.04550 116 95 17 4
1290 Sorry honey, I’ve got cold feet…. 1.2154 0.03935 130 104 24 2
1291 It's such a waste to only use perfectly good stockings one day per year. 1.2153 0.04083 144 118 21 5
1292 Okay, I'm headed up see what's going down 1.2153 0.03962 144 117 23 4
1293 This is what happens when you do the laundry YOUR way, Tom. 1.2153 0.04083 144 118 21 5
1294 ‘Do you think these will run?’ 1.2153 0.03962 144 117 23 4
1295 Well, if we're not going to have a fire... 1.2152 0.03846 158 129 24 5
1296 The only promotion better than a twofer is a threefer. 1.2152 0.04148 158 132 18 8
1297 Quit whining. Learn how to hop. 1.2149 0.04868 121 102 12 7
1298 What?! They're literally called stockings. 1.2149 0.04265 121 98 20 3
1299 I was afraid that coal would ruin the white fur. 1.2148 0.03988 135 109 23 3
1300 Wait 'til you see where I put the other one! 1.2148 0.04384 135 112 17 6
1301 Looks like Santa put me in your stockings. Guess I’m your gift again. 1.2148 0.04124 135 110 21 4
1302 No, it's my turn to stalk him. 1.2148 0.04508 135 113 15 7
1303 I didn't want to start the fire. 1.2148 0.04256 135 111 19 5
1304 Andre, I looked at your search history. I now know what you want. 1.2148 0.04384 135 112 17 6
1305 Well, at least that saves me a few bucks on candy this year. 1.2148 0.03991 149 122 22 5
1306 Ok fine, I'll turn up the thermostat. 1.2148 0.03991 149 122 22 5
1307 Honey, where’s my other one? 1.2148 0.04103 149 123 20 6
1308 Or we can light the fire. 1.2143 0.04028 140 114 22 4
1309 This is me saying I am the gift, that money is too tight for me to offer anything but my love, that we must offer support where we once traded presents. And, okay, yes, my eyes are so tiny I mistook these for my shoes. I can’t see shit. 1.2143 0.04509 140 118 14 8
1310 'Victoria's secret? She's married to Santa.' 1.2143 0.03898 140 113 24 3
1311 It's no sillier than you with the olives on your fingers at Thanksgiving. 1.2143 0.04275 140 116 18 6
1312 That’s “care” NOT “wear!” 1.2143 0.04288 112 90 20 2
1313 You said you wanted me to slip into something more comfortable… 1.2143 0.04452 126 104 17 5
1314 ‘Hung by the chimney with care…’ Whatever. This year I’m all about self care.” 1.2143 0.04157 126 102 21 3
1315 You said all you wanted for Christmas was me 1.2138 0.03926 159 131 22 6
1316 Either chop more wood or set the thermostat up to 68. 1.2137 0.04056 131 106 22 3
1317 So...I left yours up! 1.2137 0.03908 131 105 24 2
1318 The real gift is warm toes 1.2137 0.03908 131 105 24 2
1319 All I want for Christmas are two big feet. 1.2137 0.04198 131 107 20 4
1320 It’s all about reduce, reuse, recycle. 1.2137 0.04198 131 107 20 4
1321 What? I wanted to see if they fit. 1.2137 0.04599 131 110 14 7
1322 Nietzsche Christmas 1.2137 0.04514 117 96 17 4
1323 Honey, I appreciate the effort, but this isn't quite what I had in mind when I suggested we spice things up. 1.2137 0.04830 117 98 13 6
1324 I suppose you’re wondering what happened to the candle that was up there. 1.2137 0.04980 117 99 11 7
1325 Didn't you say that all you wanted for Christmas was me? 1.2135 0.03816 178 148 22 8
1326 I deserve two stockings, I'm a Mom. 1.2134 0.03942 164 136 21 7
1327 Why hang them by the chimney with care when I’ve got cold feet? 1.2133 0.04594 150 129 10 11
1328 Are they on the right feet? 1.2132 0.04478 136 114 15 7
1329 And you accused me of getting cold feet when we first met. 1.2132 0.04355 136 113 17 6
1330 So I greased the chimney and Santa's head will be mounted on that wreath. Then you will be the next Kris Kringle, Eugene. 1.2130 0.04293 169 145 12 12
1331 Just leave them hanging there? In this economy? 1.2130 0.03769 169 139 24 6
1332 I thought I’d better practice for the Christmas strip show at your work party tomorrow night”. 1.2129 0.03989 155 128 21 6
1333 Honey! These boots were made for STOCKING. Get it? 1.2128 0.04480 141 119 14 8
1334 Turn up the heat or next I light the wreath on fire. 1.2128 0.04480 141 119 14 8
1335 This is the only way I will fill these this year. 1.2128 0.04365 141 118 16 7
1336 I need socks more than I need the kids believing in a giant guy in a red suit breaking into peoples’ houses and giving them stuff. 1.2128 0.03740 141 113 26 2
1337 Mom takes additional measures to ensure her stocking is not empty again this year 1.2128 0.04127 141 116 20 5
1338 At least something's getting stuffed this year, Greg. 1.2128 0.04248 141 117 18 6
1339 I’m noodling for Swedish Fish. 1.2128 0.04248 141 117 18 6
1340 Yours isn't for the foot, Tiger. 1.2126 0.04420 127 105 17 5
1341 Santa who? 1.2126 0.04559 127 106 15 6
1342 ...so why are they called stockings? 1.2126 0.04276 127 104 19 4
1343 The stockings were hung by the chimney with care, I slipped them on to ward off the cold air. 1.2126 0.04276 127 104 19 4
1344 It was gonna be socks anyway. This just cuts out the middle man. 1.2126 0.03973 127 102 23 2
1345 I can't get them off! 1.2124 0.04254 113 91 20 2
1346 Take this as a strong hint about me wanting slippers for Christmas. 1.2124 0.04611 113 93 16 4
1347 Haven't you always wanted to do this?! 1.2123 0.04148 146 121 19 6
1348 You said I’m all you want for Christmas … 1.2123 0.03797 179 149 22 8
1349 I don't want you to see my feet. I've got missle-toes. 1.2121 0.04028 132 107 22 3
1350 It’s laundry day, you can enjoy walking on the cold floor barefoot. 1.2121 0.04028 132 107 22 3
1351 So the kid won’t hear “Santa” carrying all the presents past his bedroom door! 1.2121 0.04028 132 107 22 3
1352 I'm stuffing them, why? 1.2121 0.04169 132 108 20 4
1353 I stalked you before, I’m stocking you now. Deal with it. 1.2121 0.04306 132 109 18 5
1354 didn’t you say to keep the dogs inside ? 1.2121 0.04028 132 107 22 3
1355 Okay. You can buy yourself some new winter boots. 1.2119 0.04161 151 126 18 7
1356 Just doing my part to reduce places where we use coal! 1.2119 0.04315 118 96 19 3
1357 I, um… thought I had the house to myself tonight… 1.2119 0.04315 118 96 19 3
1358 Uh, I ate a gummy at lunch. 1.2119 0.04792 118 99 13 6
1359 I had a run in my other stockings. 1.2117 0.04200 137 113 19 5
1360 These days, you have to get the most out of every dollar you spend. 1.2117 0.04070 137 112 21 4
1361 Why did you only hang one up? Where’s your other stocking? 1.2117 0.04326 137 114 17 6
1362 Because I’m a millennial, and ugly sweaters are so Gen X. 1.2115 0.04068 156 130 19 7
1363 The coal cleans my nail fungus. 1.2115 0.03860 156 128 23 5
1364 Fine, we can hang them up, but you have to turn on the heater now 1.2115 0.03751 156 127 25 4
1365 It’s me. Hi. I’m your present- it’s me. 1.2115 0.05053 104 87 12 5
1366 I can take hint. So you need some new socks. 1.2114 0.04203 123 100 20 3
1367 I'm into instant gratification. 1.2114 0.04358 123 101 18 4
1368 What? All of mine are in the laundry. 1.2114 0.04509 123 102 16 5
1369 It make very little sense to leave them empty until Christmas eve. 1.2114 0.04358 123 101 18 4
1370 I'm going to start a new tradition. 1.2113 0.03849 142 115 24 3
1371 Put them back before She comes. 1.2113 0.03977 142 116 22 4
1372 Bare feet are not a winter option. 1.2112 0.03569 161 130 28 3
1373 I told you last year I wanted new socks. 1.2112 0.03677 161 131 26 4
1374 I always thought it said, ‘by the chimney with Claire’. 1.2110 0.04713 109 90 15 4
1375 How soon do you think I can get on Shark Tank? 1.2110 0.05061 109 92 11 6
1376 It's the latest trend with the 1%. 1.2110 0.04890 109 91 13 5
1377 Today's laundry day. 1.2109 0.04246 128 105 19 4
1378 I think Santa would prefer cookies. 1.2109 0.04098 128 104 21 3
1379 TikTok said these were a dupe for Uggs. 1.2109 0.04098 128 104 21 3
1380 Well, if you'd let me light a fire. 1.2109 0.03889 147 120 23 4
1381 I’ll take them off before Christmas eve. 1.2109 0.04122 147 122 19 6
1382 I got them from the attic. My hands were full. 1.2109 0.04007 147 121 21 5
1383 Put a sock in it. 1.2108 0.04256 166 142 13 11
1384 Wait til you see the matching garter belt? 1.2105 0.04276 133 110 18 5
1385 Maybe you'd have two stockings yourself if you helped with the laundry when I asked. 1.2105 0.04029 152 126 20 6
1386 I'm getting a little behind with my laundry! 1.2105 0.04276 133 110 18 5
1387 Yes, Steve, I’m still cold 1.2105 0.04574 114 94 16 4
1388 Well, at least you haven't got three feet. 1.2101 0.03772 138 111 25 2
1389 We need to have one more kid 1.2101 0.04297 138 115 17 6
1390 Now I know how Mrs. Claus feels. 1.2101 0.04172 138 114 19 5
1391 Now that we're empty nesters, I figured I could upcycle these. 1.2101 0.03910 138 112 23 3
1392 They go well with my holiday sweater. 1.2101 0.04902 119 101 11 7
1393 Honey those weren’t the stocking I was talking about 1.2100 0.04777 100 82 15 3
1394 Look, Hon, I know what's on your mind, but I've got cold feet. 1.2098 0.03951 143 117 22 4
1395 The stalemate over laundry folding has gone far enough. 1.2097 0.04475 124 103 16 5
1396 People who insist on the 'no shoe rule' are usually so thoughtless. 1.2097 0.04620 124 104 14 6
1397 They fit perfectly. 1.2097 0.04172 124 101 20 3
1398 I paid $80 a piece for these suckers, you better believe this is happening 1.2097 0.04620 124 104 14 6
1399 It's a hint, Greg. I want someone to fill me instead of drain me once in a while. 1.2095 0.05008 105 88 12 5
1400 The coal helps with my toe fungus. 1.2095 0.03983 148 122 21 5
1401 Oh, alright. I'll put your's back up. 1.2095 0.03983 148 122 21 5
1402 What am I, chopped liver?" Thought the third stocking 1.2091 0.04674 110 91 15 4
1403 I have a stocking fetish. 1.2091 0.04674 110 91 15 4
1404 If you need me, I’ll be on the couch under the tree skirt. 1.2090 0.04247 134 111 18 5
1405 Because you've been a good boy... 1.2090 0.03974 134 109 22 3
1406 You weren't going to put anything in them anyway 1.2089 0.03919 158 131 21 6
1407 I saw it on TikTok. 1.2087 0.04703 115 96 14 5
1408 Money’s tight dear, these are considered dual purpose. 1.2087 0.04703 115 96 14 5
1409 You should have deleted your search history. 1.2086 0.04145 139 115 19 5
1410 I'm a utilitarian Christian. 1.2086 0.04389 139 117 15 7
1411 We all know I’m the real gift in this family Burt 1.2086 0.04145 139 115 19 5
1412 No more lighting fires? Then I’m repurposing these puppies! 1.2083 0.04082 120 97 21 2
1413 I think you’re putting it on the wrong foot. 1.2083 0.04048 144 119 20 5
1414 What?! TikTok said this is rizz. 1.2083 0.04167 144 120 18 6
1415 It's beginning to smell a lot like Christmas. 1.2083 0.04048 144 119 20 5
1416 Maureen, did you put my keys in the refrigerator? 1.2083 0.04412 120 99 17 4
1417 You told me to get into the Christmas spirit Carl. 1.2083 0.04250 120 98 19 3
1418 You said I was a gift didn’t you? 1.2083 0.04048 144 119 20 5
1419 Yes, I am Jewish. Why? 1.2081 0.03958 149 123 21 5
1420 LL Bean has outdone it this year. 1.2081 0.04181 149 125 17 7
1421 Relax, it’s just until our socks come out of the dryer. 1.2081 0.03958 149 123 21 5
1422 Now that we’ve murdered the family, let’s steal their stockings. 1.2081 0.04594 149 129 9 11
1423 Ok, OK! I'll turn on the heat! 1.2080 0.04142 125 102 20 3
1424 I’m pregnant 1.2080 0.04586 125 105 14 6
1425 They're nice, but now I have to get a matching purse. 1.2078 0.03873 154 127 22 5
1426 I’ll be d*mned if I catch a cold this year while waiting for you to do the laundry. 1.2078 0.03981 154 128 20 6
1427 I'm your present this year, honey---get it? 1.2077 0.04462 130 109 15 6
1428 Keep looking at me like that and I’m using the nutcracker next. 1.2077 0.04186 130 107 19 4
1429 I needed to warm up my misteltoes. 1.2077 0.04594 130 110 13 7
1430 The therapist suggested I be more present with you Bob...so I'm trying, really ...I am 1.2077 0.04462 130 109 15 6
1431 No gifts this year. Elon Musk just acquired the North Pole. 1.2075 0.04780 106 88 14 4
1432 If it were a real fireplace, our feet wouldn't be cold. 1.2075 0.03577 159 129 27 3
1433 Linda, you do this every year, and every year I tell you the same thing: you're turning me on. 1.2075 0.04589 106 87 16 3
1434 We have lost too many socks to the dryer. 1.2075 0.03793 159 131 23 5
1435 Yes, I am your present! 1.2074 0.03948 135 110 22 3
1436 Is this your way of asking for slippers this year? 1.2074 0.04085 135 111 20 4
1437 I forgot to pack any socks! 1.2074 0.03948 135 110 22 3
1438 Dashing through the snow again,my love? 1.2074 0.04085 135 111 20 4
1439 All I want for Christmas is my two feet warm. 1.2074 0.04085 135 111 20 4
1440 It may be Christmas, but I’m still an alcoholic 1.2074 0.04473 135 114 14 7
1441 When I said "fill it", I meant with Christmas goodies. 1.2071 0.04118 140 116 19 5
1442 How about turning up the heat? 1.2071 0.03584 140 112 27 1
1443 Feet are the best stocking stuffer. 1.2071 0.03860 140 114 23 3
1444 I guess I miscounted. 1.2071 0.04241 140 117 17 6
1445 i feel like you’re trampling on my beliefs 1.2071 0.03991 140 115 21 4
1446 I put my foot in it again! 1.2069 0.03777 145 118 24 3
1447 It fits! 1.2069 0.04502 116 96 16 4
1448 Wait 'till you see what's on the inside of this stocking! 1.2069 0.03648 145 117 26 2
1449 These are the only stockings you're seeing me in until you stop turning down the thermostat." 1.2069 0.04502 116 96 16 4
1450 Just until you get that fire going. 1.2067 0.03819 150 123 23 4
1451 Sorry. Maybe there'll be an extra one under the tree for you. 1.2067 0.03700 150 122 25 3
1452 Socks still fit after all these years. 1.2067 0.04046 150 125 19 6
1453 I'm wearing these till you learn how to make a fire 1.2067 0.04155 150 126 17 7
1454 Is that a hint to light the fire? 1.2066 0.04378 121 100 17 4
1455 Sorry,slowpoke. Your turn to just wear one. 1.2066 0.04533 121 101 15 5
1456 Climate change. 1.2066 0.04218 121 99 19 3
1457 Why do the holidays always have to be about you? 1.2066 0.04533 121 101 15 5
1458 Dang it, they're two left stockings AGAIN! 1.2066 0.04218 121 99 19 3
1459 You always cheat at strip poker. 1.2065 0.03740 155 127 24 4
1460 You got them a size too small. 1.2063 0.04410 126 105 16 5
1461 Thanks for getting me down off the mantle. 1.2063 0.04410 126 105 16 5
1462 I just got tired of waiting for you to shovel the driveway 1.2063 0.04410 126 105 16 5
1463 I told you I would be stuffing the stockings this year. 1.2063 0.04552 126 106 14 6
1464 His 'Safe Word' is "Coal" 1.2063 0.04410 126 105 16 5
1465 It’s for the ugly socks party at the office. 1.2063 0.04261 160 137 13 10
1466 Are you ready to unwrap this stocking stuffer? 1.2063 0.03975 160 134 19 7
1467 You better not shout, Kevin 1.2063 0.03875 160 133 21 6
1468 I'll put em back when he gets here, my feet are cold. 1.2061 0.04157 131 108 19 4
1469 Because the deluxe play kitchen and Barbie's dreamhouse will be a tight fit. 1.2061 0.04688 131 112 11 8
1470 Well, at least they're filled! 1.2061 0.04431 131 110 15 6
1471 We're late. Just put on your ugly sweater, the wreath and stocking and let's go. 1.2061 0.04296 131 109 17 5
1472 I couldn't help myself; they are so well hung. 1.2061 0.04431 131 110 15 6
1473 These are the only boots I was able to afford this year 1.2061 0.04296 131 109 17 5
1474 You are aspirational. I am practical. 1.2059 0.04190 136 113 18 5
1475 They're cozy, but I'd prefer them without mixed nuts. 1.2059 0.04443 136 115 14 7
1476 Ew! I just stepped in a Peep. 1.2059 0.04318 136 114 16 6
1477 All I want for Christmas is my own two feet! 1.2059 0.04318 136 114 16 6
1478 You give me socks every year, I’m cutting out the middle man. 1.2059 0.04058 136 112 20 4
1479 New tradition: not freezing my %*#$ing toes off 1.2057 0.04331 141 119 15 7
1480 What? We aren’t Christians. 1.2057 0.04091 141 117 19 5
1481 Don’t you dare kink shame me after that sh*t you pulled at thanksgiving 1.2057 0.04213 141 118 17 6
1482 They're cheaper than pantyhose! 1.2056 0.04922 107 90 12 5
1483 The more stockings you hang up the more gifts you get. 1.2055 0.03754 146 119 24 3
1484 Don't worry hon, they're all for you because you have two left feet. 1.2055 0.04445 146 125 12 9
1485 Who knew? 1.2054 0.04769 112 94 13 5
1486 Go get several more hooks for our pants, shirts, and underwear 1.2053 0.03910 151 125 21 5
1487 Victoria Secret’s stocking collection was pretty literal this Christmas. 1.2053 0.03910 151 125 21 5
1488 This way he can’t put coal in them. 1.2053 0.03910 151 125 21 5
1489 Maybe if I wear them, the kids won't notice that they're empty. 1.2053 0.04130 151 127 17 7
1490 it's your tradition, don't look at me. 1.2051 0.03606 156 127 26 3
1491 What? It’s the latest trend. 1.2051 0.04140 156 132 16 8
1492 This is why you ask guests to take their shoes off? 1.2051 0.04140 156 132 16 8
1493 It’s precautionary. We have too much coal as it is. 1.2050 0.03646 161 132 25 4
1494 Santa doesn't exist, and these things are warm. 1.2049 0.04187 122 100 19 3
1495 Now will you look at me with a childlike sense of wonder and anticipation? 1.2049 0.04647 122 103 13 6
1496 I'm coal'd 1.2047 0.04378 127 106 16 5
1497 Once the fireplace is lit, they'll be rehung with care. 1.2047 0.04378 127 106 16 5
1498 My Uggs were getting a little stinky. 1.2047 0.04788 127 109 10 8
1499 The holidays are really taking a toll on my mantle health. 1.2047 0.04655 127 108 12 7
1500 Hung with care, my ass. 1.2045 0.04778 132 114 9 9
1501 We’ll, why did you think we deck the halls *before* we don we now our gay apparel? 1.2045 0.03986 132 108 21 3
1502 Aren't your feet cold? 1.2044 0.04289 137 115 16 6
1503 Start the fire or walk around with one bare foot. It's your choice. 1.2042 0.04186 142 119 17 6
1504 My feet are cold, that’s why. 1.2041 0.04201 147 124 16 7
1505 This one must be mom's because it's empty. 1.2041 0.04522 147 127 10 10
1506 Don't be sad. There's still one left. 1.2039 0.04210 152 129 15 8
1507 For once I am going to get my money's worth! 1.2037 0.04315 108 88 18 2
1508 I saw your search history and it saved me a lot of time 1.2037 0.04120 162 138 15 9
1509 I have to take out the trash but I left my shoes upstairs. 1.2037 0.04699 108 90 14 4
1510 They sure don't feel like stockings. 1.2033 0.04156 123 101 19 3
1511 I don't want to hear about your chestnuts, Dave. just light the fire, please, I'm cold. 1.2033 0.04465 123 103 15 5
1512 I’ve never heard of a stockings fetish, but hey, tis the season 1.2033 0.04313 123 102 17 4
1513 Eh, a little snug. Do we have any size 7’s in the attic? 1.2033 0.04313 123 102 17 4
1514 It’s the green alternative to coal. 1.2031 0.04054 128 105 20 3
1515 I don't know ... I still think the stack of gifts looks better on me. 1.2031 0.04347 128 107 16 5
1516 Boost me up? 1.2031 0.04347 128 107 16 5
1517 You're the one that only wanted one child. 1.2031 0.04486 128 108 14 6
1518 I guess it’s laundry day. 1.2031 0.03899 128 104 22 2
1519 In Finland, we take these down and do a reindeer dance. 1.2031 0.04203 128 106 18 4
1520 Because sending a link to the slippers I want might not be enough. 1.2031 0.04347 128 107 16 5
1521 Did you save the receipt. I think they might be a half size too big? 1.2030 0.04369 133 112 15 6
1522 To be honest, this is not the worst thing you caught me doing. 1.2030 0.03959 133 109 21 3
1523 I told you I found the perfect stocking stuffers this year 1.2030 0.04369 133 112 15 6
1524 I think that's there is a life saver from last year on my toe. 1.2029 0.04005 138 114 20 4
1525 Stretching them out for the big day. 1.2029 0.04135 138 115 18 5
1526 Gosh, Santa knew just what I wanted. 1.2029 0.03870 138 113 22 3
1527 There you go again; jumping into the season with both feet. 1.2029 0.04135 138 115 18 5
1528 Are you sure you don’t want another kid? 1.2029 0.04005 138 114 20 4
1529 It's a damn cheap present! 1.2028 0.04608 143 124 9 10
1530 Beautiful AND practical. 1.2028 0.03787 143 117 23 3
1531 I don’t care if you’re cold. I’m not turning up the heat! 1.2028 0.04039 143 119 19 5
1532 Who wore the third one? 1.2027 0.04063 148 124 18 6
1533 This isn't what "stocking stuffer" means, is it? 1.2027 0.03948 148 123 20 5
1534 These are they only boots we can afford." 1.2025 0.03676 158 130 24 4
1535 Don't look so confused ! You said that we had to cut back this year, and my feet were cold. 1.2025 0.03565 158 129 26 3
1536 I told you we needed another one 1.2025 0.03991 158 133 18 7
1537 Christmas costs an arm and a leg this year. 1.2025 0.03809 163 136 21 6
1538 My sweater isn’t ugly enough. 1.2018 0.04660 109 91 14 4
1539 I'm wreath-inking my sock choice 1.2018 0.04692 114 96 13 5
1540 What? Nobody wears matching socks any more! 1.2017 0.04398 119 99 16 4
1541 Careful, I saw some mouse poop. 1.2017 0.04233 119 98 18 3
1542 This is what happens when we fight over the thermostat 1.2017 0.04233 119 98 18 3
1543 And one day you’ll realize I’m the greatest gift, Kevin. 1.2017 0.04711 119 101 12 6
1544 I’ve gotta run in my stockings.” 1.2016 0.04432 124 104 15 5
1545 My Uggs are at the cleaners. 1.2016 0.04432 124 104 15 5
1546 You hang stockings with care by the chimney your way; I'll do it mine. 1.2016 0.03872 129 105 22 2
1547 Don't worry. I'll get them back up before Santa arrives. 1.2016 0.04026 129 106 20 3
1548 Two on the feet beats one on the mantle. 1.2016 0.04588 129 110 12 7
1549 I want him to smell my feet. 1.2016 0.04316 129 108 16 5
1550 Well, it sure beats using the tree skirt as a poncho! 1.2016 0.04588 129 110 12 7
1551 Because if you think about it, I'm the best present this family has ever gotten. 1.2015 0.04467 134 114 13 7
1552 The chocolate feels great between my toes. 1.2015 0.04339 134 113 15 6
1553 These would fit better if you took the coal out. 1.2015 0.04339 134 113 15 6
1554 Don't worry, I'll be back before Christmas Eve. 1.2014 0.03845 139 114 22 3
1555 My feet are cold, but I will hang them back up on Christmas eve. 1.2014 0.03978 139 115 20 4
1556 Better than having them filled with coal like last year! 1.2014 0.04013 144 120 19 5
1557 No room for coal in these stockings! 1.2014 0.04132 144 121 17 6
1558 Have you got this in a Size 8? 1.2014 0.03890 144 119 21 4
1559 This is to surprise Santa. 1.2014 0.03763 144 118 23 3
1560 Santa knows we’re broke. 1.2013 0.04149 149 126 16 7
1561 Did you happen to put Christmas pudding in my stocking? 1.2013 0.04038 149 125 18 6
1562 Why leave them hanging there, doing nothing. 1.2013 0.03924 149 124 20 5
1563 I think the dryer ate my socks 1.2013 0.03924 149 124 20 5
1564 It is a rather particular kink. 1.2013 0.03613 154 126 25 3
1565 How do atheists keep their feet warm? 1.2013 0.03841 154 128 21 5
1566 Santa's got a foot fetish. 1.2013 0.03950 154 129 19 6
1567 ‘Tis the season you complain about the heating bill. 1.2013 0.03867 159 133 20 6
1568 It's cold! ... I thought you were going to light my fire. 1.2000 0.04684 125 107 11 7
1569 Now pass me the evergreen belt. 1.2000 0.04032 155 131 17 7
1570 I'm certain "The stockings were 'hung' by the chimney with care" not "worn." 1.2000 0.04286 130 109 16 5
1571 It beats one foot in the fire. 1.2000 0.04221 145 123 15 7
1572 Their comfy, but I think there's a melted piece of chocolate at the bottom of this one. 1.2000 0.03683 140 114 24 2
1573 Well, it worked for Bernie Sanders. 1.2000 0.04969 110 94 10 6
1574 Turns out Santa is a kinky freak. I wear these barefoot the whole month without washing them right up to Christmas Eve. Last year I got a Ferrari. 1.2000 0.04106 145 122 17 6
1575 I say, if the stocking fits, wear it. 1.2000 0.04286 130 109 16 5
1576 Well, now that the kids are gone... 1.2000 0.03524 160 131 26 3
1577 I love them! But you stink at hiding presents! 1.2000 0.04144 130 108 18 4
1578 I promise to hang them back up with care. 1.2000 0.04250 125 104 17 4
1579 The forecast is 6 inches of snow. 1.2000 0.04179 135 113 17 5
1580 I found the perfect stocking stuffers, Gary. 1.2000 0.04144 130 108 18 4
1581 Get the sleigh, the toys and the reindeer ready while I finish dressing. 1.2000 0.04096 125 103 19 3
1582 So here I am,lumbering along in our two-stocking system while that third party hangs over there like a wish unfulfilled. 1.2000 0.04969 110 94 10 6
1583 who said they had to match? 1.2000 0.04286 130 109 16 5
1584 Light the fire already. 1.2000 0.03988 145 121 19 5
1585 what do you mean you put things in it!? 1.2000 0.04013 150 126 18 6
1586 Whose idea was this? 1.2000 0.04096 125 103 19 3
1587 They’re pretty comfortable once you get used to the bits at the bottom. 1.2000 0.04013 150 126 18 6
1588 But these are the sexiest ones I have. 1.2000 0.04286 130 109 16 5
1589 Candy cane splinters! Ouch! 1.2000 0.04522 120 101 14 5
1590 Well, maybe if you'd given me socks like I asked for, I wouldn't have to "disgrace" myself like this, Steven. 1.2000 0.04096 125 103 19 3
1591 They fit. Good. Now all I need is a tutu and a top hat. 1.2000 0.03988 145 121 19 5
1592 you can hop 1.2000 0.04106 145 122 17 6
1593 Could you help me stretch the third one over my head? 1.2000 0.04436 135 115 13 7
1594 When you said you’d be wearing stockings, I had something else in mind. 1.2000 0.03707 155 128 23 4
1595 Maybe I'm your present. What then? 1.2000 0.04522 120 101 14 5
1596 We can have another child, then you'll get a pair next year. 1.2000 0.04399 125 105 15 5
1597 The stockings were torn from the chimney with care, in hopes that her raynaud's would soon disappear. 1.2000 0.04798 110 93 12 5
1598 What do you mean this isn’t what you meant when you said you wanted me to wear thigh highs? 1.2000 0.04250 125 104 17 4
1599 I came up with the perfect stocking stuffers given your foot fetish! 1.2000 0.03900 150 125 20 5
1600 Now that the kids are all grown up, I can wear my favorites socks again 1.2000 0.04201 120 99 18 3
1601 I knew we should have had a second kid. 1.2000 0.04250 125 104 17 4
1602 You’re right. These are WAY better than those fancy recovery boots. 1.2000 0.03634 160 132 24 4
1603 I’ll start keeping up with the laundry pile in the new year. 1.2000 0.04144 130 108 18 4
1604 Isn't one of those supposed to be for the dog? 1.1988 0.03766 171 144 20 7
1605 Look who won the office Ugly Uggs contest! 1.1987 0.04098 151 128 16 7
1606 Well, no one gave me those socks I asked for. 1.1986 0.03962 146 122 19 5
1607 As soon as you turn the heat up, I’ll put them back. 1.1986 0.03962 146 122 19 5
1608 Of course I haven't forgotten! Am I not the best gift? 1.1986 0.04177 141 119 16 6
1609 Don't worry, I'll wash them before Christmas Eve. 1.1986 0.04177 141 119 16 6
1610 I’m taking these since I was cheated out of tooth fairy money. 1.1986 0.03519 141 114 26 1
1611 Well, what were YOU going to fill them with?? 1.1985 0.03433 136 109 27 0
1612 Janice I want a divorce 1.1985 0.04151 136 114 17 5
1613 Well, if someone I know would turn the heat on... 1.1985 0.04115 131 109 18 4
1614 Ok, now put that wreath you know where. 1.1985 0.04115 131 109 18 4
1615 You do know that those are just decorative, right? 1.1985 0.03970 131 108 20 3
1616 Go look in the back of the washing machine, that’s where they normally are 1.1985 0.04115 131 109 18 4
1617 Weren’t you just singing, “All I want for Christmas is you?” 1.1985 0.04115 131 109 18 4
1618 My warmest stockings and you want to put them on the mantle?! Pleeeze. 1.1984 0.04066 126 104 19 3
1619 This perfectly comports with both my minimalist and sustainable identities. 1.1984 0.03907 126 103 21 2
1620 You said knee high stockings. 1.1984 0.04219 126 105 17 4
1621 Let’s see him put coal in there NOW. 1.1984 0.04649 126 108 11 7
1622 What are you looking at? Turn on the heater cheapskate 1.1984 0.03907 126 103 21 2
1623 Being that you got that big raise, I’m stretching them so they can fit more. 1.1983 0.04331 121 101 16 4
1624 Did you like the stuffed eggs? 1.1983 0.04487 121 102 14 5
1625 Well if you won’t turn the heat on I have no other options. 1.1983 0.04487 121 102 14 5
1626 With rising prices, multi purpose items are more important than ever. 1.1983 0.04331 121 101 16 4
1627 Do I have to spell it out for you? I need stuffin’ too!” (Bedroom eyes 1.1983 0.04169 121 100 18 3
1628 Ok, they' re not fishnet. 1.1983 0.04280 116 96 17 3
1629 Peg, this fantasy you have about Santa has got to stop. 1.1983 0.04617 116 98 13 5
1630 If someone would just let me raise the thermostat, this wouldn’t be happening. 1.1981 0.04114 106 86 19 1
1631 Couldn’t you just raise the temperature? 1.1975 0.03801 162 136 20 6
1632 That's not very funny. 1.1972 0.04028 142 119 18 5
1633 Well they weren’t going to fit you now, were they? 1.1972 0.04268 142 121 14 7
1634 I bought these at Coal's. 1.1971 0.03854 137 113 21 3
1635 Coal-d Feet 1.1971 0.03854 137 113 21 3
1636 You get the second one if you're around next year. 1.1970 0.04618 132 114 10 8
1637 Turns out that isn’t a real fireplace. 1.1970 0.04226 132 111 16 5
1638 It's time I told you a secret I've been hiding from you for 10 years. I am Santa. 1.1970 0.04087 132 110 18 4
1639 I think there's a lump of coal in this one. 1.1970 0.03943 132 109 20 3
1640 I have cold feet this year, Karen 1.1970 0.03943 132 109 20 3
1641 I’m heading out to find the guy who stole all our shoes. 1.1970 0.04226 132 111 16 5
1642 What? You wanted me to help bring in the groceries didn’t you? 1.1970 0.04087 132 110 18 4
1643 I'm finally warm! 1.1969 0.04189 127 106 17 4
1644 I told you, this Christmas, I wanted to be more present. 1.1969 0.04615 127 109 11 7
1645 ...just until the fire is going! 1.1967 0.04454 122 103 14 5
1646 I just read that the best gift of all is someone you love. 1.1967 0.04454 122 103 14 5
1647 This year she decided to take care of herself first. 1.1967 0.04299 122 102 16 4
1648 These boots are made for wrapping. 1.1967 0.04138 122 101 18 3
1649 I think this one might be yours. Feels like a lump of coal in it. 1.1966 0.04247 117 97 17 3
1650 Now click your heels three times,and election news will disappear 1.1966 0.04247 117 97 17 3
1651 Honey, we live in Florida. 1.1964 0.04545 112 94 14 4
1652 What? I’m giving my presence. 1.1964 0.04545 112 94 14 4
1653 Your mom said she respects repurposing. 1.1964 0.04545 112 94 14 4
1654 Your dad won't let me turn up the thermostat. 1.1964 0.04364 112 93 16 3
1655 And our parents said an interfaith marriage would never work? Won't they be embarrassed! 1.1961 0.03941 153 129 18 6
1656 You said to expect socks as my present this year. 1.1961 0.03830 153 128 20 5
1657 I challenge you, where are they more festive? 1.1961 0.03830 153 128 20 5
1658 Who knew? A perfect 6 1/2. 1.1959 0.04780 97 81 13 3
1659 Have you seen the weather forecast? 1.1958 0.04002 143 120 18 5
1660 Maybe Santa will bring you a second stocking. 1.1958 0.03877 143 119 20 4
1661 I'll probably need to size down. 1.1957 0.04223 138 117 15 6
1662 Babe, c'mon, they're all the rage on the Dollar Store catwalk! 1.1957 0.04096 138 116 17 5
1663 Now, touch your nose! 1.1957 0.04096 138 116 17 5
1664 And if you don't turn up the thermostat, that wreath will go up in flames. Along with those sweat pants. 1.1957 0.04467 138 119 11 8
1665 Be honest, do my legs look fat in these socks? 1.1957 0.03965 138 115 19 4
1666 Somehow they discovered we’re Jewish. 1.1957 0.04347 138 118 13 7
1667 My snowflake pair are in the wash 1.1957 0.04096 138 116 17 5
1668 I’ll hang out here and take them off when he comes. 1.1955 0.04197 133 112 16 5
1669 My feet are the only stocking stuffers we can afford this year. 1.1955 0.04330 133 113 14 6
1670 I knew I should have married a Boy Scout. 1.1955 0.03916 133 110 20 3
1671 I do not have fat calves! 1.1953 0.04304 128 108 15 5
1672 This isn't what it looks like. 1.1953 0.03852 128 105 21 2
1673 Irrational exuberance?" "Great Expectations! 1.1953 0.04159 128 107 17 4
1674 Ok, but you know I’m Jewish, right? 1.1953 0.04159 128 107 17 4
1675 I know it runs up the bill, but can we please turn the heat up. 1.1951 0.03942 123 101 20 2
1676 This is probably as kinky as it gets. 1.1951 0.04267 123 103 16 4
1677 If we'd had another kid like I wanted, you'd have two stockings too. 1.1951 0.04107 123 102 18 3
1678 You remembered the decorations but you forgot to pay our heating bill. 1.1951 0.04420 123 104 14 5
1679 Look i do not have a ugly sweater to wear to the office christmas party, so i thought i'd wear these instead. 1.1951 0.04267 123 103 16 4
1680 Well, what do you do when your kid puts catsup in a dryer full of our socks? 1.1951 0.04420 123 104 14 5
1681 Holiday feet pics pay extra 1.1951 0.03769 123 100 22 1
1682 It's the one night each year i can have warm feet without any coal. 1.1950 0.03938 159 135 17 7
1683 What can I say? My feet were cold. 1.1949 0.04039 118 97 19 2
1684 I’m case you forget that I have enough socks. 1.1949 0.04702 118 101 11 6
1685 You know how to hop, don'tcha? 1.1949 0.04383 118 99 15 4
1686 You know what they say - if the shoe fits…. 1.1949 0.04545 118 100 13 5
1687 Oops! Sorry about that. Can you hop? 1.1949 0.04214 118 98 17 3
1688 Me having warm feet is really a gift to both of us. 1.1949 0.04214 118 98 17 3
1689 I'll take 'em off before Santa arrives. 1.1948 0.03807 154 129 20 5
1690 The goodies I prefer to put into my stockings are my cold feet! 1.1948 0.03694 154 128 22 4
1691 It's so hard to find anything in a size 15. 1.1948 0.03578 154 127 24 3
1692 At least they'll be filled with something this year 1.1947 0.04680 113 96 12 5
1693 Just checking for leftover chocolate kisses. 1.1947 0.04846 113 97 10 6
1694 Stop whining!….. I left your sock up. 1.1947 0.04508 113 95 14 4
1695 Based on what you gave me last year, I'm sticking with these. 1.1946 0.04004 149 126 17 6
1696 If I don't, who will? 1.1946 0.03771 149 124 21 4
1697 Let's just hope Santa has a cold and has lost his sense of smell. 1.1944 0.04254 108 89 17 2
1698 Our fireplace doesn't have a chimney. 1.1942 0.03939 139 116 19 4
1699 Does it even matter anymore? 1.1940 0.04031 134 112 18 4
1700 I did say I wanted to see you in stockings. This is on me. 1.1940 0.03742 134 110 22 2
1701 If you would light the fire, I wouldn't need to wear these. 1.1940 0.03889 134 111 20 3
1702 What oranges? 1.1940 0.04031 134 112 18 4
1703 Oh, NOW you understand why they should always come in pairs. 1.1940 0.03742 134 110 22 2
1704 Well you won’t let me touch the thermostat. 1.1940 0.04300 134 114 14 6
1705 You're the one who only wanted one kid. 1.1939 0.05161 98 84 9 5
1706 I forgot to hang the rest of the laundry by the chimney with care. 1.1938 0.04129 129 108 17 4
1707 'Trick or treat, smell my feet' is the real nightmare before Christmas. 1.1938 0.04273 129 109 15 5
1708 I saw that you’d hung them by the chimney but I didn’t think you’d care. 1.1938 0.04273 129 109 15 5
1709 Don't blame me. You're the one who put me in charge of stocking stuffers. 1.1938 0.04129 129 108 17 4
1710 If I stretch them, Santa can fit more. 1.1935 0.03894 155 131 18 6
1711 Cheapest way to fill them. 1.1935 0.03894 155 131 18 6
1712 This way Santa will take me with him and leave you the lumps of coal 1.1935 0.04235 124 104 16 4
1713 They look nice. Well, I did have to eat the candy. 1.1933 0.04008 119 98 19 2
1714 I'm giving you one last hint. 1.1933 0.04509 119 101 13 5
1715 And I use the wreath to sit on when I go to the bathroom 1.1933 0.04509 119 101 13 5
1716 My presence is your present. 1.1933 0.04008 119 98 19 2
1717 Because Santa shows up one night a year. My feet are cold every day.” 1.1933 0.04182 119 99 17 3
1718 Oh, these are *decorative* stockings? 1.1933 0.03826 119 97 21 1
1719 I’ll prove to you why socks as a stocking stuffer is stupid. 1.1933 0.04182 119 99 17 3
1720 You can just hop around. 1.1931 0.04186 145 124 14 7
1721 Lucky you. I’m your gift! 1.1931 0.04186 145 124 14 7
1722 If the shoe fits, wear it. 1.1931 0.03951 145 122 18 5
1723 I've given up, Phil! And that goes for the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny too! 1.1930 0.04471 114 96 14 4
1724 I’m trying to regain a foothold on my innocence. 1.1930 0.03916 114 93 20 1
1725 If you are really good, maybe Santa will bring you a stocking for your other foot. 1.1930 0.04294 114 95 16 3
1726 They don't make me look like a ho ho ho, do they? 1.1930 0.04294 114 95 16 3
1727 I wanted to make sure that this year you liked your stocking stuffer. 1.1930 0.03916 114 93 20 1
1728 Put yourself in my stockings, Bob 1.1930 0.04642 114 97 12 5
1729 Don’t touch the thermostat I went over on our Christmas budget 1.1930 0.04109 114 94 18 2
1730 Looks like Santa knew you have a foot fetish.. 1.1930 0.04471 114 96 14 4
1731 They're T-Uggs. 1.1929 0.04042 140 118 17 5
1732 What? You and I both know we’re getting coal this year, and I thought if I wear these to bed, well, there’s nothing Santa can do about that! 1.1929 0.03779 140 116 21 3
1733 As we all know but refuse to admit : these are the greatest socks ever created. 1.1929 0.03779 140 116 21 3
1734 Now try putting both hands inside the last one. 1.1929 0.03913 140 117 19 4
1735 You're right. It's not fair. 1.1929 0.04042 140 118 17 5
1736 You can fill them with diamonds later. My ankles are cold. 1.1927 0.04785 109 93 11 5
1737 Its my post-empty nest, pre -knitting phase. 1.1926 0.04003 135 113 18 4
1738 I'm stocking my stockings. 1.1926 0.03717 135 111 22 2
1739 It’s a Christmas miracle Todd! My stocking is filled this year. 1.1926 0.04139 135 114 16 5
1740 Making more room for presents. 1.1923 0.03952 130 108 19 3
1741 Until you get the fire going the socks stay on. 1.1923 0.04100 130 109 17 4
1742 Since the kids aren't coming for Christmas,I'm just going to stomp around wearing their Christmas stockings. That'll show 'em. 1.1923 0.04243 130 110 15 5
1743 They're more sustainable than single-use stockings 1.1923 0.04100 130 109 17 4
1744 My feet are cold. But if I start the fire, Santa can't come down the chimney! 1.1923 0.04100 130 109 17 4
1745 You are getting an amazing stocking stuffer this year. 1.1923 0.04100 130 109 17 4
1746 What? Am I not enough for you? 1.1923 0.04548 104 87 14 3
1747 It's me, i'm your gift 1.1923 0.04749 104 88 12 4
1748 'See, festive and frugal...'. 1.1923 0.03952 130 108 19 3
1749 This is how you get that Christmas smell. 1.1920 0.04204 125 105 16 4
1750 Your gift is somewhere in between. 1.1920 0.04355 125 106 14 5
1751 I TOLD you you'd be sorry if you played that Mariah Carey song one more time! 1.1920 0.03885 125 103 20 2
1752 These stockings are made for walking. Goodbye and Merry Christmas scrooge! 1.1920 0.04778 125 109 8 8
1753 Honey, there’s something I never told you about me… I’m part elf. 1.1920 0.04355 125 106 14 5
1754 I’m the gift this year. 1.1920 0.03885 125 103 20 2
1755 Until you turn on the heat, this is how I'm stuffing our stockings. 1.1919 0.05112 99 85 9 5
1756 Help me find my Lego? 1.1918 0.04045 146 124 16 6
1757 I promise to get them back before Santa Claus arrives. 1.1917 0.03977 120 99 19 2
1758 I think I need a size 6 1.1917 0.04475 120 102 13 5
1759 I forgot to do laundry, okay? 1.1917 0.04150 120 100 17 3
1760 The fireplace may be fake but the stockings are REAL. 1.1915 0.03887 141 118 19 4
1761 I wish we could afford real boots for Christmas... 1.1913 0.04435 115 97 14 4
1762 I smell last year's marzipan. 1.1913 0.04435 115 97 14 4
1763 I told you we should get four. *Now* you're jealous? 1.1913 0.04435 115 97 14 4
1764 Wow. This is so great. Where did you find these legs for my stockings? 1.1912 0.04111 136 115 16 5
1765 How did you know they're what I wanted and why did you buy three? 1.1912 0.03837 136 113 20 3
1766 You know I’m always cold. 1.1912 0.03837 136 113 20 3
1767 Inflation 1.1912 0.03837 136 113 20 3
1768 They wouldn’t fit you. 1.1911 0.03397 157 129 26 2
1769 They told me I have to wear stockings to work. 1.1909 0.03980 110 90 19 1
1770 Fine Carl, keep the thermostat at 60. See what happens. 1.1908 0.04071 131 110 17 4
1771 "I'm going curling. Where's that broom we used at Halloween? 1.1908 0.04483 131 113 11 7
1772 Don’t! You’ll kill the goldfish! 1.1908 0.03772 131 108 21 2
1773 Either light the fire or turn up the thermostat! 1.1905 0.04323 126 107 14 5
1774 No heat, no feet! 1.1905 0.03857 126 104 20 2
1775 Oh! Somehow I envisioned fish nets ones in our very personal holiday scene by the fireplace. 1.1905 0.04323 126 107 14 5
1776 I've been too busy decorating to do the laundry. 1.1905 0.04018 126 105 18 3
1777 I told you, no more single use items this year. 1.1905 0.04018 126 105 18 3
1778 Elton said to step into it... 1.1905 0.04300 105 87 16 2
1779 That's exactly why people say having Christmas at our house stinks, Margaret. 1.1905 0.04467 126 108 12 6
1780 Both kids said they wanted to spend more time with me. 1.1905 0.04018 126 105 18 3
1781 They said, no shoes allowed. 1.1905 0.03901 147 124 18 5
1782 It's just a precaution, so you don't give me a monitor lizard again, like last year. 1.1905 0.04323 126 107 14 5
1783 Slippers again? 1.1905 0.04018 126 105 18 3
1784 What? I thought after you brought out your chestnuts at the party last night we've decided to be literal this year. 1.1901 0.04232 142 122 13 7
1785 Until we can afford more wood and some furniture, I'm Wearing these babies, thank you. 1.1901 0.03862 142 119 19 4
1786 I’m just going on a little gift run. 1.1901 0.04282 121 102 15 4
1787 Seems that every time we want to be romantic, one of us gets cold feet. 1.1901 0.04593 121 104 11 6
1788 No honey, I meant your fishnets. 1.1900 0.04861 100 85 11 4
1789 They match the hat you got me last year. 1.1898 0.04083 137 116 16 5
1790 The fireplace is just a mock up. My feet are freezing. 1.1898 0.03950 137 115 18 4
1791 Santa can't put coal in my stockings if I'm wearing them Henry. 1.1898 0.04083 137 116 16 5
1792 You never fill my stocking, so I figured I'd use it for something else. 1.1898 0.03950 137 115 18 4
1793 You're going to look so stupid with only one stocking 1.1897 0.04729 116 100 10 6
1794 ‘‘Twas the night before Christmas, And all through the house, Not a creature was stirring, But now I’m aroused. 1.1897 0.04729 116 100 10 6
1795 It was at this point Bill realized the true meaning of Christmas stockings. 1.1895 0.03796 153 129 19 5
1796 The viral Ugg minis were sold out 1.1895 0.03796 153 129 19 5
1797 Because you're the one too cheap to turn on the gas logs. 1.1895 0.04802 95 80 12 3
1798 You can’t have us both Sarah. You have to choose. 1.1894 0.04043 132 111 17 4
1799 They’re filled now. 1.1894 0.04043 132 111 17 4
1800 Buy new socks? In this economy? 1.1894 0.03897 132 110 19 3
1801 It’s environmentally friendly. This will keep me just as warm as the coal. 1.1894 0.04043 132 111 17 4
1802 Aren't you getting into the holiday spirit a little early? Today's April Fool's Day. 1.1892 0.04527 111 94 13 4
1803 They're the ultimate Christmas fashion statement. 1.1892 0.04705 111 95 11 5
1804 You're my gift this year AGAIN! 1.1892 0.04527 111 94 13 4
1805 The tag says “multi-use” 1.1892 0.04343 111 93 15 3
1806 Since we agreed on no gifts... 1.1892 0.04343 111 93 15 3
1807 And look,I got you a hat! 1.1890 0.04143 127 107 16 4
1808 You’ve been good this year, so… 1.1890 0.04291 127 108 14 5
1809 My stockings were worn by the chimney with care. 1.1890 0.03829 127 105 20 2
1810 Of course my feet are clean... 1.1890 0.03829 127 105 20 2
1811 I thought you might want to get ME for Christmas. 1.1890 0.04143 127 107 16 4
1812 How thoughtful of you honey. Now I feel bad that I only bought you one. 1.1890 0.04434 127 109 12 6
1813 It's better to be warm today than to receive a gift tomorrow 1.1890 0.04434 127 109 12 6
1814 Don’t just stand there, grab my phone. Should I hashtag this StockingStomp or SingleGirlSantaPaws? 1.1890 0.04143 127 107 16 4
1815 i'm leaving you, mark 1.1890 0.04434 127 109 12 6
1816 I’m in my Christmas stocking era. 1.1890 0.04291 127 108 14 5
1817 I’m making my own mistletoes this year 1.1888 0.03837 143 120 19 4
1818 Nope, no Legos this year! 1.1885 0.04846 122 107 7 8
1819 After 22 years asking for furry slippers, Jane tried a visual prompt. 1.1885 0.04088 122 102 17 3
1820 What? It’s cold in here. 1.1885 0.04250 122 103 15 4
1821 Give them back. 1.1885 0.04250 122 103 15 4
1822 We might as well use them for something! 1.1884 0.03644 138 114 22 2
1823 I guess you're right. Those chololates did melt all on their own. 1.1884 0.03923 138 116 18 4
1824 Because your right is prosthetic. That's why. 1.1884 0.03923 138 116 18 4
1825 Things have gotten so expensive. I thought I'd use them for more than one thing. 1.1884 0.04056 138 117 16 5
1826 Mom said we need to help get the groceries from the car. 1.1884 0.04056 138 117 16 5
1827 I’ll be ready for strip poker as soon as I put on a hat. 1.1883 0.03541 154 128 23 3
1828 Look: some of us have ‘rizz’ and some of us don’t, hon. 1.1883 0.03659 154 129 21 4
1829 This socks. 1.1881 0.04386 101 84 15 2
1830 I’ll hang them back up with care once I get my tootsies warm! 1.1881 0.04606 101 85 13 3
1831 I didn't buy us socks this year. 1.1881 0.04386 101 84 15 2
1832 I know times are tight but you're calling these leg warmers? 1.1880 0.04365 117 99 14 4
1833 There is a simple explanation for this which, unfortunately, I’m unable to remember. 1.1880 0.04014 117 97 18 2
1834 Getting cold feet about my parents coming for Christmas? 1.1880 0.04365 117 99 14 4
1835 Since there's only one left, be creative. 1.1880 0.04365 117 99 14 4
1836 I saw it on Instagram. 1.1880 0.04193 117 98 16 3
1837 It’s called repurposing, Carl. Look it up. 1.1880 0.04531 117 100 12 5
1838 Yah - cold feet, eh? Well, me, too. I knit 'em, I get 'em. 1.1880 0.04015 133 112 17 4
1839 Since we are atheists, I thought that we should get some real use from them. 1.1880 0.04015 133 112 17 4
1840 You’re so sweet! I thought we were going to pass on gifts this year - do these come in half sizes? 1.1880 0.04154 133 113 15 5
1841 I am the best gift you can hope for, right? 1.1880 0.03871 133 111 19 3
1842 I get mine and my mom's and you'd have a pair if you mother wasn't dead. 1.1880 0.04289 133 114 13 6
1843 I told you to me UGGS for Christmas. 1.1880 0.04015 133 112 17 4
1844 My plantar fasciitis found a home for the holidays. 1.1880 0.03720 133 110 21 2
1845 What? All my other ones were dirty 1.1879 0.03605 165 139 21 5
1846 Well, this was fun. Let me know if you find my socks. 1.1875 0.03802 128 106 20 2
1847 See? This stocking design has never served a functional purpose. 1.1875 0.04113 128 108 16 4
1848 I just know we'll win the Anderson’s annual 3-legged Santa dash down Chestnut Street! 1.1875 0.03802 128 106 20 2
1849 We'll need to add odor eaters as stocking stuffers for these two. 1.1875 0.03938 144 122 17 5
1850 Hear me out; we'll save on both the heating bill and stocking stuffers. 1.1875 0.04666 112 96 11 5
1851 Why can’t Santa just use the front door? It’s freezing in here. 1.1875 0.04260 128 109 14 5
1852 When I’m done wearing these the kids will wish they got coal in their stockings 1.1875 0.04666 112 96 11 5
1853 You keep stealing my socks 1.1875 0.03961 128 107 18 3
1854 My contribution to climate control....just try to stuff an ounce of coal in these babies 1.1871 0.03637 155 130 21 4
1855 Well,it was these or the Santa suit. 1.1871 0.03761 139 116 20 3
1856 Don't get upset with me, my feet are freezing and you won't light the fire. 1.1870 0.04809 123 108 7 8
1857 Gen Z says boots can’t go above the knee, Greg. 1.1870 0.04218 123 104 15 4
1858 This way you don’t have to worry about getting anything for my stocking 1.1869 0.04430 107 90 14 3
1859 If the mistle is for toe, stocking is for foot. 1.1866 0.03844 134 112 19 3
1860 I mean, have you seen inflation? 1.1866 0.03844 134 112 19 3
1861 It's cold and the fireplace isn't working. 1.1864 0.04495 118 101 12 5
1862 We both know you’re getting me socks for Christmas - I’m just skipping the middle step. 1.1864 0.04331 118 100 14 4
1863 My stockings are stuffed by my legs with hair 1.1864 0.04495 118 101 12 5
1864 Turn the heating on then. 1.1864 0.04331 118 100 14 4
1865 Relax, his reindeer smell worse. 1.1863 0.03436 161 134 24 3
1866 Don't get mad. I'm Jewish didn't know what they were for. 1.1863 0.04564 102 86 13 3
1867 Even these are mismatched. 1.1863 0.04564 102 86 13 3
1868 Now you can stuff my stocking. 1.1863 0.04772 102 87 11 4
1869 Oven mitts would work better. 1.1860 0.04084 129 109 16 4
1870 It was a Christmasy money-saving tip on Martha Stewart. 1.1860 0.04370 129 111 12 6
1871 Yah, they fit perfectly.. 1.1860 0.03775 129 107 20 2
1872 I told you that you wouldn't want to know what I do for a living. 1.1860 0.04370 129 111 12 6
1873 Looks like I’m gonna beat you in the Jingle Bell 5k this year! 1.1860 0.03440 129 105 24 0
1874 I guess I'll just have to fill my own stocking 1.1860 0.04084 129 109 16 4
1875 We can hang these for now, but December 25th I am putting them right back on. 1.1860 0.03775 129 107 20 2
1876 If one partner secretly lowers the heat the other partner can do this. 1.1858 0.03885 113 93 19 1
1877 That’s what you get for being naughty 1.1858 0.04272 113 95 15 3
1878 Its my turn tonight, you got them last night. 1.1858 0.04453 113 96 13 4
1879 See? I told you, feet are the literal best stocking stuffers. 1.1858 0.04272 113 95 15 3
1880 It doesnt have to go on your foot. 1.1858 0.04453 113 96 13 4
1881 I’m cold. If you’ll light the Yule log that you say is ‘only seasonal decor’ then the stockings can be ‘just decorative.’ Your call. 1.1857 0.04129 140 120 14 6
1882 Did you really think filling these with warm jello would stop me, Alan? Did you? Did you really? It’s Christmas, Alan. It only happens once a year. 1.1857 0.03872 140 118 18 4
1883 I don't know about you, but I don't plan on shaving until December 26th. 1.1856 0.04933 97 83 10 4
1884 No, I have to. 1.1855 0.03861 124 103 19 2
1885 It’s because Santa loves me more, dummy. 1.1855 0.04340 124 106 13 5
1886 If you weren't sure, you could ask. 1.1855 0.04187 124 105 15 4
1887 What? You said you wouldn't turn up the thermostat. 1.1855 0.03861 124 103 19 2
1888 Every year you wait, but he never comes down the chimney and doesn't touch the milk and cookies so either start a fire or I'm wearing these damn things. 1.1855 0.04187 124 105 15 4
1889 They told me this is American Christmas custom. 1.1855 0.04340 124 106 13 5
1890 We agreed no gifts this year 1.1855 0.03687 124 102 21 1
1891 You know I like to get into the holidays. 1.1855 0.04340 124 106 13 5
1892 I thought they would match my sweater. 1.1855 0.03861 124 103 19 2
1893 It’s the only way to ensure the Grinch doesn’t get them this year. 1.1855 0.04027 124 104 17 3
1894 And then we call it an "Ugly sock party...." 1.1854 0.04139 151 131 12 8
1895 Do these make me look jolly? 1.1852 0.04191 108 90 16 2
1896 Never wish for more wishes 1.1852 0.04393 108 91 14 3
1897 I thought we agreed to be more open and understanding of one another's sexual needs? 1.1852 0.04393 108 91 14 3
1898 Nobody can fill Santa’s shoes. 1.1852 0.03517 135 111 23 1
1899 Dual purpose. Go stand in the corner and I’ll get the decorations. 1.1849 0.04128 119 100 16 3
1900 Thanksgiving fell on laundry day, and threw the whole schedule off; we're just gonna have to make do. 1.1849 0.03952 119 99 18 2
1901 What? I wanted to see what it would feel like if mine wasn’t empty for once. 1.1849 0.04128 119 100 16 3
1902 I am NOT going back to work. 1.1848 0.05110 92 79 9 4
1903 Just until the 24th. 1.1846 0.03749 130 108 20 2
1904 You hid WHAT in yours? 1.1846 0.04339 130 112 12 6
1905 It's hard to find a matching pair. 1.1846 0.03749 130 108 20 2
1906 You got me a pet snake! Oh wow! Is it under the tree? 1.1845 0.04308 103 86 15 2
1907 If they're not used, Santa can smell it. 1.1845 0.04926 103 89 9 5
1908 Just running out to get some stocking stuffers. 1.1844 0.03846 141 119 18 4
1909 If I stretch them out, I'll get more in them. 1.1844 0.04101 141 121 14 6
1910 Come on, scrunch the coal in as much as possible, they'll be awake soon. 1.1842 0.03783 152 129 18 5
1911 Santa Claus is coming to town. 1.1842 0.04238 114 96 15 3
1912 You could hop... 1.1842 0.04238 114 96 15 3
1913 Athleisure,baby! 1.1842 0.04050 114 95 17 2
1914 Feet: the original stocking stuffers 1.1842 0.04238 114 96 15 3
1915 Hey! Im the best stocking stuffers you and the baby can have. 1.1842 0.04050 114 95 17 2
1916 I’ve gotten them for the past 5 years. Might as well skip the formalities. 1.1842 0.03783 152 129 18 5
1917 Well, you wouldn’t turn up the thermostat! 1.1840 0.03833 125 104 19 2
1918 And this is me channeling Nancy Sinatra. 1.1840 0.04156 125 106 15 4
1919 These socks were made for walking. 1.1840 0.04308 125 107 13 5
1920 I'm giving mine a good stretch, so they will hold more. 1.1840 0.03833 125 104 19 2
1921 How fitting! 1.1840 0.04156 125 106 15 4
1922 I've stuffed the stockings, how about you stuff the turkey? 1.1840 0.04156 125 106 15 4
1923 Well, one of us is going to have to change. 1.1840 0.03997 125 105 17 3
1924 Are we really out of matches again? 1.1838 0.03646 136 113 21 2
1925 No,i meant the other left foot! 1.1838 0.03933 136 115 17 4
1926 Are you going to light a fire or not? 1.1838 0.04069 136 116 15 5
1927 Once you get past the stab of the broken candy canes, they are really quite comfortable. 1.1837 0.04435 98 82 14 2
1928 I believe there is coal in one of these. 1.1837 0.04435 98 82 14 2
1929 I know, but the matching one was lost in the laundry 1.1835 0.03792 158 135 17 6
1930 It’s decided. You’re giving me a foot massage for Christmas. 1.1835 0.04355 109 92 14 3
1931 All I want for Christmas is shoe. 1.1835 0.04729 109 94 10 5
1932 Mrs Claus is still working on the other. 1.1835 0.04156 109 91 16 2
1933 There's a hockey stick in here. 1.1835 0.04355 109 92 14 3
1934 Guess what you are getting this Christmas? 1.1835 0.04729 109 94 10 5
1935 The kids said they wanted hot dogs in their stockings this year. 1.1835 0.04546 109 93 12 4
1936 The husband looks like this isn’t his first rodeo so I’m going with: “Honey, we’ve discussed this before.” 🙃 1.1835 0.04729 109 94 10 5
1937 I want to spread the Christmas spirit while shoveling snow. 1.1833 0.04264 120 102 14 4
1938 I guess you don't need another pair of socks this year. 1.1833 0.03547 120 98 22 0
1939 It was BOGO… don’t judge. 1.1833 0.03547 120 98 22 0
1940 Did you check the dryer for your other one? 1.1833 0.04264 120 102 14 4
1941 Sorry Dear, but we're downsizing Christmas this year. The other stocking is all yours. 1.1832 0.04026 131 111 16 4
1942 …well with inflation, this year will need to look a little different. 1.1832 0.03877 131 110 18 3
1943 Santa will be so excited to see you in your stockings. 1.1832 0.04026 131 111 16 4
1944 Rivkah’s first Christmas 1.1832 0.04308 131 113 12 6
1945 Look if you’re not going to let me touch the thermostat… 1.1832 0.03877 131 110 18 3
1946 I thought you would like a little Ho Ho Ho in your stockings. 1.1831 0.04074 142 122 14 6
1947 I'm sorry if your presents smell like my feet. 1.1831 0.04074 142 122 14 6
1948 Visions of sugar plums won’t be the only thing dancing in your head. 1.1831 0.04074 142 122 14 6
1949 Wait till you see where grandpa puts the tree! 1.1831 0.04195 142 123 12 7
1950 brb, going to walk the dog. 1.1831 0.04074 142 122 14 6
1951 But I already got stocking stuffers. 1.1827 0.04687 104 89 11 4
1952 They don't come in half -sizes. 1.1827 0.04045 104 86 17 1
1953 Christmas is over, so these are back in rotation. 1.1827 0.04687 104 89 11 4
1954 You put that one on,and we'll share this one for a 3-legged Christmas walk! 1.1826 0.04381 115 98 13 4
1955 A sock hop on Christmas Eve? 1.1826 0.03618 115 94 21 0
1956 For kindling tonight I say we use the electricity bill. 1.1825 0.04125 126 107 15 4
1957 Last year's coal residue is a great antifungal treatment. 1.1825 0.04422 126 109 11 6
1958 Maybe if you didn't jack off into yours you could join in the fun. 1.1825 0.04276 126 108 13 5
1959 The dryer ate all my other socks 1.1825 0.03968 126 106 17 3
1960 Back off--it's cold out! 1.1825 0.04042 137 117 15 5
1961 I don’t think the kids will see it that way 1.1825 0.03767 137 115 19 3
1962 Where do you want me to hang you up? 1.1825 0.04042 137 117 15 5
1963 This is what happens when you’re on laundry duty 1.1825 0.03622 137 114 21 2
1964 Sacrilegious? How about all those times you ate meat on Fridays? 1.1825 0.03622 137 114 21 2
1965 That’s not what I meant by “let’s kick off this Christmas” 1.1825 0.04042 137 117 15 5
1966 You need to stretch them out to make more room. 1.1818 0.04508 110 94 12 4
1967 What do you mean 'I'm using it wrong'? 1.1818 0.04689 110 95 10 5
1968 So you won’t give me yet another pair of slippers. 1.1818 0.04391 121 104 12 5
1969 Well you keep insisting I wear stockings, are you happy now? 1.1818 0.03998 132 112 16 4
1970 Reusing is recycling. 1.1818 0.04232 121 103 14 4
1971 Jesus Simon you're barefoot 1.1818 0.04232 121 103 14 4
1972 The kids have been so naughty this year,I want their coal to smell like feet. 1.1818 0.04319 110 93 14 3
1973 We never kiss under the mistletoe, burn the yule log or play house with the nativity scene anymore. I've had enough! 1.1818 0.04508 110 94 12 4
1974 I got carried away at the sock drive. 1.1818 0.03537 132 109 22 1
1975 Well, now that Timmy found out about Santa... 1.1818 0.03998 132 112 16 4
1976 I thought you said I could stuff them 1.1818 0.03892 121 101 18 2
1977 Next year, I want socks for Christmas. 1.1818 0.04140 132 113 14 5
1978 I say the hell with Christmas tradition. 1.1812 0.04015 138 118 15 5
1979 I thought we agreed you’d knock before coming in the family room. 1.1812 0.03742 138 116 19 3
1980 Snow boots were on my Christmas list. 1.1811 0.03940 127 107 17 3
1981 This is exactly what it looks like--goodbye, Steve. 1.1811 0.03778 127 106 19 2
1982 You did say you were getting her a pony, right? 1.1811 0.03940 127 107 17 3
1983 My feet smelled like your breath 1.1811 0.04666 127 112 7 8
1984 I love my new holiday Uggs! 1.1811 0.03940 127 107 17 3
1985 Santa can shove it. I'm cold and you're too stingy to turn the heat up. 1.1811 0.04095 127 108 15 4
1986 Cuz, all I want for Christmas is you... 1.1811 0.03940 127 107 17 3
1987 You'd better hope that Santa didn't put any Legos in your stocking 1.1810 0.04515 116 100 11 5
1988 I think you are missing the point. 1.1810 0.04515 116 100 11 5
1989 Here comes your wildest Christmas wish! 1.1810 0.04346 116 99 13 4
1990 Finally, stockings that don’t run! 1.1810 0.04170 116 98 15 3
1991 Mom said to get the groceries from the trunk, but my shoes are upstairs. 1.1810 0.04170 116 98 15 3
1992 I wish you were that hot in bed! 1.1810 0.04645 105 90 11 4
1993 We’ll why not…You know I’m the practical one when it Comes to Christmas traditions 1.1810 0.04444 105 89 13 3
1994 Compression socks! Oh honey, how did you know? 1.1810 0.04444 105 89 13 3
1995 You didn't tell me your family was coming, and it looks like I'm walking home." 1.1809 0.04528 94 79 13 2
1996 Wait, so these aren't for stalking people? 1.1806 0.03641 144 121 20 3
1997 Now...Hang me up there before the kids wake up !! 1.1806 0.03772 144 122 18 4
1998 Didn't you say these stockings were for the dogs? 1.1805 0.03824 133 112 18 3
1999 well, until you turn up the heat 1.1805 0.03970 133 113 16 4
2000 Barefoot makes it artisanal. 1.1805 0.03824 133 112 18 3
2001 We could just start a fire if you’re cold…. 1.1805 0.04111 133 114 14 5
2002 The dog ate all my other socks 1.1805 0.03824 133 112 18 3
2003 don't judge, my feet were cold 1.1803 0.04199 122 104 14 4
2004 You can open me on Christmas morning. 1.1803 0.03684 122 101 20 1
2005 Well, I have to get warm somehow since I can't risk burning Santa! 1.1803 0.04035 122 103 16 3
2006 I’m just doing my part to combat fast fashion. 1.1803 0.04199 122 104 14 4
2007 Who has NEVER tried one of these on. 1.1803 0.04035 122 103 16 3
2008 What? My feet are cold and I'm too lazy to go upstairs. 1.1803 0.04358 122 105 12 5
2009 I'm leaving you Harold. You never get Christmas right. 1.1803 0.04511 122 106 10 6
2010 They’re actually cheaper than socks. 1.1803 0.04035 122 103 16 3
2011 Are you the Ho Ho Ho? 1.1802 0.04283 111 94 14 3
2012 Why waste them on the mantelpiece when they fit my feet perfectly? 1.1802 0.04087 111 93 16 2
2013 Creative Ways to Tell Him You're Pregnant - Holiday Edition 1.1802 0.04470 111 95 12 4
2014 My knees were cold 1.1802 0.04283 111 94 14 3
2015 But I just hung those by the chimney with care! 1.1802 0.04087 111 93 16 2
2016 Well, I'm a bit concerned about your mantle health. 1.1800 0.04795 100 86 10 4
2017 I have no idea where all the socks have gone. 1.1799 0.03574 139 116 21 2
2018 Did you know “stockings” are actually socks? Grab a thesaurus. Look it up. 1.1799 0.03574 139 116 21 2
2019 Sees you when you're sleeping - check. Knows when you're awake - check. Why bother Santa with the 'stocking' when I'm right next door? 1.1799 0.03855 139 118 17 4
2020 Yeah well I guess it’s time _someone_ did the laundry. 1.1797 0.03911 128 108 17 3
2021 I’m Jewish. 1.1797 0.03583 128 106 21 1
2022 Who cares? You never fill mine anyway. 1.1797 0.03911 128 108 17 3
2023 Now will you raise the thermostat? 1.1797 0.03911 128 108 17 3
2024 Stocking stuffers, of course. 1.1797 0.03911 128 108 17 3
2025 In this economy, have to make the most of everything 1.1797 0.03751 128 107 19 2
2026 Like they say, reduce, reuse, recycle! 1.1795 0.03764 117 97 19 1
2027 This isn’t what you meant when you said we should be more spontaneous? 1.1795 0.04137 117 99 15 3
2028 Would it be ok for me to suggest this would be better if you were naked? 1.1795 0.04137 117 99 15 3
2029 When the stocking stuffer quits. 1.1795 0.03955 117 98 17 2
2030 I'm sorry your feet are cold, but you we're the one who didn't want another child. 1.1795 0.04312 117 100 13 4
2031 The screen name of the guy requesting this is really Frosty The Toe Man? 1.1795 0.04948 117 104 5 8
2032 Well, if you're not going to light the fireplace... 1.1795 0.03955 117 98 17 2
2033 I left that third one for you, Gary. Wink, wink. 1.1795 0.04137 117 99 15 3
2034 Jan was soon brought up on charges of criminal stocking. 1.1795 0.04479 117 101 11 5
2035 Do we add the garland boa or is that too formal for your office holiday party? 1.1793 0.03618 145 122 20 3
2036 We both knew inflation would affect the holidays. 1.1792 0.04196 106 89 15 2
2037 Its the not the Destination, It's the Journey. 1.1792 0.04405 106 90 13 3
2038 Best stocking stuffers I know of!! 1.1791 0.04082 134 115 14 5
2039 I have cold feet, and you won't light my fire! 1.1791 0.04082 134 115 14 5
2040 Just trying to get my money's worth 1.1791 0.03647 134 112 20 2
2041 Why did you get rid of all the shoes? 1.1791 0.03798 134 113 18 3
2042 I told you it was your turn to do the laundry. 1.1791 0.03798 134 113 18 3
2043 Talk about a mix-up: when I said I wanted more booty in our relationship, this isn't exactly what I had in mind! 1.1791 0.03798 134 113 18 3
2044 I knew we shouldn't have invested in Bitcoin. 1.1789 0.04959 95 82 9 4
2045 I'm the gift, what else did you expect? 1.1789 0.04728 95 81 11 3
2046 They’re not christmas Uggs? 1.1789 0.04484 95 80 13 2
2047 I usually wear a medium but these are fine, honest. 1.1789 0.03835 123 103 18 2
2048 What’ll it be - Naughty or nice? 1.1789 0.04168 123 105 14 4
2049 I've decided to go meta this year: From now on, the stocking IS the gift. 1.1789 0.03835 123 103 18 2
2050 Dang! There's a Hershey Bar between my toes! 1.1789 0.04168 123 105 14 4
2051 First one up, lights the fire, right? 1.1789 0.04168 123 105 14 4
2052 Hinting? Well, maybe just a little." 1.1789 0.04005 123 104 16 3
2053 I know… but who stuffs these anyway? 1.1789 0.03835 123 103 18 2
2054 My feet are freezing Carl 1.1789 0.03835 123 103 18 2
2055 So no more of that, ‘Don’t knock it til you try it, Nancy’ 1.1788 0.03769 151 129 17 5
2056 Let's find out how well the Odor Eaters you got me really work. 1.1786 0.04247 112 95 14 3
2057 How nice. They fit. 1.1786 0.04247 112 95 14 3
2058 They double as compression stockings for those long holiday travels 1.1786 0.04433 112 96 12 4
2059 It’s my way of giving the boot to the commercialism of Christmas. 1.1786 0.04054 112 94 16 2
2060 One man's festive is another man's idiosyncratic." 1.1783 0.03883 129 109 17 3
2061 It’s the twelve DAYS of Christmas, not the 12 steps 1.1783 0.03383 129 106 23 0
2062 Why do I always have to stuff my own stockings? 1.1783 0.03724 129 108 19 2
2063 Can't afford stocking stuffers and can't afford socks, I'd call this a win/win 1.1783 0.04184 129 111 13 5
2064 I’m putting myself in the stockings this year since I’m so sweet 1.1783 0.04326 129 112 11 6
2065 Honey, I really need these in a size 10 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
2066 Had he remembered to light a fire maybe his wife would be taking things off. 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
2067 My feet were coal. 1.1781 0.03596 146 123 20 3
2068 I’ve always wanted to try this! 1.1780 0.04278 118 101 13 4
2069 We could use them until Christmas, Santa will understand 1.1780 0.04105 118 100 15 3
2070 You say anything about "coal in the stockings" and I'll kick you. 1.1778 0.05377 90 79 6 5
2071 That's for flirting with the waitress at IHOP. 1.1778 0.04054 135 116 14 5
2072 With all the holiday hustle and bustle, I didn't have time to do laundry. 1.1778 0.03622 135 113 20 2
2073 You can't have Christmas without a little rizz. 1.1778 0.03915 135 115 16 4
2074 Come at me, bro. 1.1776 0.03860 152 131 15 6
2075 The Marranos lit candles in their basements, my family does this... we all have our own traditions Carl! 1.1776 0.03712 107 88 19 0
2076 They're still a little too big - pass me more candy to put around the heel. 1.1776 0.04367 107 91 13 3
2077 Don't get any ideas. My feet are cold. 1.1774 0.03630 124 103 20 1
2078 I hear they stretch out. 1.1774 0.04136 124 106 14 4
2079 He's going to be very disappointed that he can't put coal in my stocking this year. 1.1774 0.03630 124 103 20 1
2080 Oy vey these are a little tight but I love them. 1.1773 0.04304 141 124 9 8
2081 Look--they're stockings, okay? Stockings! 1.1773 0.03669 141 119 19 3
2082 Aren't you putting yours on? 1.1771 0.04441 96 81 13 2
2083 I'm pregnant, so I get to wear for two. 1.1770 0.04021 113 95 16 2
2084 If you must know, I have been listening to Nancy Sinatra. 1.1770 0.04021 113 95 16 2
2085 I wouldn't wear them if you'd let me control the thermostat. 1.1770 0.04213 113 96 14 3
2086 I have your candy cane between my toes 1.1770 0.04021 113 95 16 2
2087 To show just how naughty they've been, I walked through dog poop first. 1.1769 0.04153 130 112 13 5
2088 It's not naughty -- it's nice! 1.1769 0.04007 130 111 15 4
2089 It's cheaper than turning on the heat. 1.1769 0.03698 130 109 19 2
2090 Lil' old stocking stuffer, me. 1.1769 0.03698 130 109 19 2
2091 Or I can be the goalie. 1.1765 0.04409 119 103 11 5
2092 I ran out of clean socks. 1.1765 0.04073 119 101 15 3
2093 I’m not just making fun of your prosthesis. 1.1765 0.04409 119 103 11 5
2094 Sorry. Misunderstood. 1.1765 0.03894 119 100 17 2
2095 I have to go clean the driveway. 1.1765 0.03606 153 130 19 4
2096 Just this once, can’t we light it? 1.1765 0.04073 119 101 15 3
2097 nan 1.1765 0.04567 119 104 9 6
2098 Isn't this what you meant when you told me I would look sexy in stockings? 1.1765 0.04244 119 102 13 4
2099 Mine is mine and yours is mine." 1.1765 0.04275 102 86 14 2
2100 I'm pretending they are Uggs. 1.1765 0.04073 119 101 15 3
2101 I didn't understand. I'm Jewish 1.1765 0.04496 102 87 12 3
2102 Wait til December 24th. He'll bring yours then. 1.1765 0.04073 119 101 15 3
2103 Honey, your Christmas gift. 1.1765 0.03894 119 100 17 2
2104 I can explain - it's not what it looks like... 1.1765 0.04244 119 102 13 4
2105 How clever of you to hide my gift in plain sight… 1.1765 0.03889 136 116 16 4
2106 All my other stockings are in the wash. 1.1765 0.03894 119 100 17 2
2107 What are you looking at?(psycho) 1.1765 0.04073 119 101 15 3
2108 How was I supposed to know we'd both have the same stupid idea for festive footwear day? 1.1765 0.05103 102 90 6 6
2109 Barefoot, say hello to Pregnant! 1.1765 0.05103 102 90 6 6
2110 Nothing....... just stocking up on gifts 1.1765 0.04159 136 118 12 6
2111 my new year’s resolution was to dress with the times 1.1765 0.03746 136 115 18 3
2112 It’s either this or I use them as kindling. 1.1761 0.03645 142 120 19 3
2113 Let me guess. Elf on a Shelf is now a fashion influencer. 1.1760 0.04106 125 107 14 4
2114 My gift to you is me. A Merry inflation Christmas 1.1760 0.04260 125 108 12 5
2115 We burned all the coal Santa left us last year… now my feet are cold. 1.1760 0.03945 125 106 16 3
2116 Don’t use mine, you’ll get coal dust all over your feet. 1.1760 0.03945 125 106 16 3
2117 Enough with hinting! Just tell me what you want. 1.1760 0.04106 125 107 14 4
2118 If you insist the fireplace is purely decorative, then this is what you get. 1.1760 0.04106 125 107 14 4
2119 3 socks, 4 feet. Don't look at me like that. Give me a high five! 1.1760 0.03945 125 106 16 3
2120 They weren’t going to fill themselves. 1.1760 0.03945 125 106 16 3
2121 Inflation...? Am I right? 1.1760 0.03945 125 106 16 3
2122 They are red bottoms! 1.1760 0.03945 125 106 16 3
2123 Saving money on fire wood. 1.1759 0.04525 108 93 11 4
2124 What?! The washing machine is broken and my feet are cold! 1.1759 0.04329 108 92 13 3
2125 Don't frown, there's one left. 1.1759 0.04124 108 91 15 2
2126 I call this 'wearable Christmas'. Guess where the mistletoe is. 1.1759 0.04329 108 92 13 3
2127 What do you mean they’re not my presents? 1.1759 0.04329 108 92 13 3
2128 Al misread your Christmas wishlist as something to warm the soul. 1.1759 0.04329 108 92 13 3
2129 WE BOTH KNOW THAT MINE IS JUST FOR DECORATION ANYWAY 1.1759 0.04329 108 92 13 3
2130 Something’s gotta get stuffed around here 1.1759 0.03909 108 90 17 1
2131 Money is tight, we need something to fill the stockings. 1.1758 0.04840 91 78 10 3
2132 Coal is bad for the environment. 1.1757 0.03678 148 126 18 4
2133 Yes and Alice B Toklas brownies for Christmas eve, too. 1.1756 0.04124 131 113 13 5
2134 I better remove the candy 1.1756 0.03829 131 111 17 3
2135 On the fifth day of Christmas my true love gave to me 3 stockings, a wreath and a log. 1.1756 0.03829 131 111 17 3
2136 Again, the cleaners misplaced your Uggs. 1.1756 0.03979 131 112 15 4
2137 I’m sorry there’s not an extra stocking for you but you can just hop around on that one until the furnace gets fixed. 1.1754 0.04535 114 99 10 5
2138 They said we had to don we now our gay apparel, and the wreath isn't flattering, so... 1.1754 0.04360 114 98 12 4
2139 I need another leg! 1.1754 0.03988 114 96 16 2
2140 I'll fill the stockings if you make the latkes. 1.1754 0.03789 114 95 18 1
2141 Not the thigh highs I had in mind 1.1754 0.04178 114 97 14 3
2142 You wanna get outta here? 1.1754 0.04535 114 99 10 5
2143 Something in this house ought to be well hung. 1.1753 0.05079 97 85 7 5
2144 We can hang them after my feet warm up. 1.1753 0.04399 97 82 13 2
2145 I heard Santa is using Amazon this year. 1.1753 0.04148 97 81 15 1
2146 I thought you liked feet? 1.1753 0.04399 97 82 13 2
2147 Fine, you wear the stalkings in this house. 1.1752 0.03862 137 117 16 4
2148 I hope Santa will fill both my socks with coal so we can have a bigger fire 1.1752 0.03721 137 116 18 3
2149 If you've been a good boy all year Santa may bring you the second one. 1.1750 0.04211 120 103 13 4
2150 And you want me to hang a candy cane on my what now? Real mature, Sharon. 1.1750 0.04211 120 103 13 4
2151 And what do you suppose I should wear on my right foot? 1.1750 0.03864 120 101 17 2
2152 I'm going for a walk, that's "where"! Everything seems so fake this year, from the electric Yule log to the polyester Christmas tree... even my civility to your parents. Right now, my outrage at you is feigned. Did you need anything from the CVS? 1.1748 0.04247 143 126 9 8
2153 Wait til you see your mitten! 1.1748 0.04455 103 88 12 3
2154 Yeah, we should have had the second child, shouldn't we. 1.1748 0.04664 103 89 10 4
2155 If you want two socks, do the laundry, Dude. 1.1748 0.04664 103 89 10 4
2156 I'm telling you, this feetfinder thing WILL end up paying the rent 1.1748 0.04236 103 87 14 2
2157 It was only then that Mark finally stopped asking Susan for help bringing in the groceries. 1.1748 0.04455 103 88 12 3
2158 To make sure my point about your aim in the bathroom hits home, that’s why. 1.1746 0.04228 126 109 12 5
2159 It’s ok, I’m Jew-ish 1.1746 0.04228 126 109 12 5
2160 The boots at the store were too expensive. 1.1746 0.03916 126 107 16 3
2161 How did you know I wanted Boombas? 1.1746 0.04228 126 109 12 5
2162 The kids are using ours for their annual night before Christmas sock puppet show 1.1746 0.03751 126 106 18 2
2163 I am going dashing through the snow! 1.1746 0.03916 126 107 16 3
2164 Santa’s socks aren’t too big to fill after all! 1.1746 0.04519 126 111 8 7
2165 If you've ever had cold feet you would understand. 1.1746 0.04228 126 109 12 5
2166 Bet this’ll get me on Santa’s naughty list. 1.1746 0.03916 126 107 16 3
2167 I thought I would repurpose them. 1.1745 0.03529 149 126 20 3
2168 This way we don't need stocking stuffers. 1.1743 0.04090 109 92 15 2
2169 The true stocking stuffer. 1.1743 0.04090 109 92 15 2
2170 It's just until you get the gas logs working. 1.1743 0.04090 109 92 15 2
2171 It was 'turkey legs' at Thanksgiving, now this?" 1.1743 0.04292 109 93 13 3
2172 I am keeping these on, until we turn the heating up. 1.1743 0.04090 109 92 15 2
2173 Now, hand me the hula hoop. 1.1743 0.04292 109 93 13 3
2174 I don’t know if you could tell by my bangs and my new modern yet whimsically nostalgic sense of style, but I want a divorce. 1.1743 0.04486 109 94 11 4
2175 Here. For you. 1.1742 0.03951 132 113 15 4
2176 One of us has to get the dog out. 1.1742 0.03484 132 110 21 1
2177 The are still socks after all. 1.1739 0.03956 115 97 16 2
2178 Don’t need candy. Need warm toes. 1.1739 0.04325 115 99 12 4
2179 It's normal, the day before, to get cold feet. 1.1739 0.04145 115 98 14 3
2180 Bombas Shmombas! 1.1739 0.04325 115 99 12 4
2181 I'll definitely need the bigger fit! 1.1739 0.04145 115 98 14 3
2182 Why so upset? You know Santa's just going to put coals in them, right? 1.1739 0.04535 92 78 12 2
2183 Well, someone had to fill them 1.1739 0.04145 115 98 14 3
2184 This is the family tradition I was mentioning. 1.1739 0.03696 138 117 18 3
2185 Socks or stockings. Heat or rent. You can’t have both. 1.1739 0.03972 138 119 14 5
2186 Look, Frank. I've told you over and over that I need new boots. AI just taught me how to convince you. 1.1736 0.03457 121 100 21 0
2187 I'm sorry. I saw socks. I thought, "Hanukkah present." 1.1736 0.04179 121 104 13 4
2188 What? They’re great for long flights. 1.1736 0.04179 121 104 13 4
2189 What's the problem? You said you have a stocking fetish. 1.1736 0.04011 121 103 15 3
2190 I was looking for these, where did you find them 1.1736 0.03835 121 102 17 2
2191 You know… It’s not the 80s. Women don’t wear stockings anymore. 1.1736 0.04011 121 103 15 3
2192 You refuse to build a fire! 1.1735 0.04109 98 82 15 1
2193 Did you put coal in these? 1.1735 0.04109 98 82 15 1
2194 Honey, to tell you the truth I was getting cold feet about celebrating my first Christmas with you. 1.1735 0.05030 98 86 7 5
2195 These are too cute to waste on trinkets. 1.1732 0.03724 127 107 18 2
2196 You said to stay toe-sty 1.1732 0.03724 127 107 18 2
2197 You didn’t want to light the fire! 1.1732 0.03552 127 106 20 1
2198 I…didn’t know how to light the fire and I was getting cold. 1.1732 0.03888 127 108 16 3
2199 Stock footage? 1.1731 0.04415 104 89 12 3
2200 Some grapes, some yeast, a few stomps, and Santa won't just be getting milk this year. 1.1731 0.04622 104 90 10 4
2201 I don't care if I ruined your decorations - I'm cold! 1.1731 0.04199 104 88 14 2
2202 Great , Do you expect Me to Hop ? 1.1731 0.03970 104 87 16 1
2203 At this point I'll try anything for my plantar fasciitis. 1.1729 0.03621 133 112 19 2
2204 Oh. When you said Christmas stockings, I just presumed... 1.1729 0.03621 133 112 19 2
2205 What?!! I took the coal out first! 1.1729 0.03923 133 114 15 4
2206 so santa has a shoe fetish 1.1727 0.04448 110 95 11 4
2207 Just alternate with the remaining stocking until the heat returns. 1.1727 0.04055 110 93 15 2
2208 Chad, why the look? You said I’m hotter with my stockings on. 1.1727 0.03621 110 91 19 0
2209 Let’s see what your mother has to say about my Christmas spirit THIS year 1.1727 0.04055 110 93 15 2
2210 For me it’s a dream come true! 1.1724 0.03522 116 96 20 0
2211 Forty years old and finally the truth about Santa Claus. I might as well do something useful with these. 1.1724 0.04112 116 99 14 3
2212 I told you we should have had another child! 1.1724 0.04112 116 99 14 3
2213 I think they look cuter on me. 1.1724 0.04290 116 100 12 4
2214 cost of living crisis 1.1724 0.03729 116 97 18 1
2215 I asked for socks for Christmas not stockings!! 1.1724 0.04112 116 99 14 3
2216 You should get me something else for Christmas, I’ve already got a pair of socks right here. 1.1724 0.03925 116 98 16 2
2217 It’s called role playing Harry. I’m your stocking stuffer. 1.1724 0.03729 116 97 18 1
2218 I know it’s cold outside, but I really can’t stay…and don’t call me, “baby”. 1.1724 0.04290 116 100 12 4
2219 we could try the potato sack race style 1.1721 0.04147 122 105 13 4
2220 Of course I'm Jewish like my profile says. Oy vey, why do you ask? 1.1721 0.04147 122 105 13 4
2221 Can’t afford silk this year 1.1721 0.03980 122 104 15 3
2222 My therapist told me I needed to be more present... Surprise 1.1721 0.04307 122 106 11 5
2223 If the radiant floor heating isn’t installed before Christmas, something else around here is going to be ice cold. 1.1720 0.04743 93 80 10 3
2224 Well, you said to stuff the stockings 1.1720 0.04221 93 78 14 1
2225 It’s a fake fireplace. 1.1719 0.04166 128 111 12 5
2226 Whatever works for you, honey… 1.1719 0.03348 128 106 22 0
2227 Are you sure this is the idea you want to send to Shark Tank? 1.1719 0.04016 128 110 14 4
2228 No, they don’t make your head look fat. 1.1719 0.04166 128 111 12 5
2229 So… I’m guessing you want socks for Christmas. 1.1719 0.03697 128 108 18 2
2230 What are you-” “Put a stock in it Paul” 1.1719 0.03697 128 108 18 2
2231 I've been thinking... we should have a another kid. 1.1719 0.03697 128 108 18 2
2232 I value warm feet more than anything Santa could stuff in here. 1.1717 0.04549 99 85 11 3
2233 These boots are made of stockings. And that's just what I'll do. One of these days I'm gonna stock all over yule. 1.1717 0.04771 99 86 9 4
2234 No fire, no smoke. So I'm reducing my carbon footprint, and keeping my feet warm. 1.1717 0.04071 99 83 15 1
2235 I must’ve been bad this year because now my feet are coaled 1.1717 0.04549 99 85 11 3
2236 Everything will be either edible or wearable this year 1.1717 0.04549 99 85 11 3
2237 It’s called “girl math” 1.1716 0.04037 134 116 13 5
2238 It just seemed like such a waste to hang them above the fireplace. 1.1714 0.04162 105 89 14 2
2239 And I can't be the gift? 1.1714 0.04162 105 89 14 2
2240 Try it without the chocolate gift box. 1.1714 0.04376 105 90 12 3
2241 Why not? I think what we did in the bedroom puts us on the naughty list. 1.1714 0.04162 105 89 14 2
2242 If you insist on keeping the thermostat at 62 we'll have to get creative. 1.1712 0.03813 111 93 17 1
2243 Do you think it will be ok to go out in them if I need to because they really don't match, do they? 1.1712 0.04220 111 95 13 3
2244 Ok babe, WHERE did you find compression stockings!? 1.1712 0.04592 111 97 9 5
2245 Surprise! I'm your present! 1.1709 0.04079 117 100 14 3
2246 Well, quit turning off the heater all the time. 1.1709 0.03700 117 98 18 1
2247 With our wedding coming up soon, I don’t want to take any chances. 1.1709 0.04256 117 101 12 4
2248 You don’t have to get me socks I promise. I have a hack 1.1709 0.03894 117 99 16 2
2249 Time to get naughty - we could use some coal. 1.1707 0.04427 123 108 9 6
2250 Sorry babe, you’re gonna just have to wear one. 1.1707 0.03950 123 105 15 3
2251 I love your stocking stuffers! 1.1707 0.03778 123 104 17 2
2252 This is not what I meant by 'Christmas-theme stockings' for the party. 1.1707 0.04274 123 107 11 5
2253 The coal keeps my feet warm. 1.1705 0.03987 129 111 14 4
2254 This is a great way to deal with empty nest syndrome, 1.1705 0.03832 129 110 16 3
2255 You said put on something sexy. 1.1705 0.03987 129 111 14 4
2256 I thought socks that don’t match were trendy these days. 1.1705 0.03671 129 109 18 2
2257 He,s a fat guy. So I think these will do it! 1.1704 0.03869 135 116 15 4
2258 Don't worry; the lump of coal will remove the smell. 1.1704 0.04009 135 117 13 5
2259 Is there a gift receipt? 1.1704 0.03572 135 114 19 2
2260 How will Saint Nicholas know we have only one young one! 1.1701 0.03530 147 125 19 3
2261 You said we couldn’t turn the heat up? 1.1701 0.03396 147 124 21 2
2262 I'm out of nylons." 1.1700 0.04277 100 85 13 2
2263 Maybe we should suspend the no underwear and no socks gifting this year. 1.1700 0.04034 100 84 15 1
2264 This is what I get for marrying a foot fetishist. 1.1698 0.04338 106 91 12 3
2265 Of course you should put that stocking on. We know that Santa would prefer we keep warm. 1.1698 0.04338 106 91 12 3
2266 Next time, don't get me a fruitcake. 1.1698 0.04338 106 91 12 3
2267 I was more amused last month when you put the turkey on your head. 1.1698 0.04540 106 92 10 4
2268 It was a perfect fit . . . before the coal. 1.1698 0.03902 106 89 16 1
2269 No more coal for me. 1.1698 0.04126 106 90 14 2
2270 You have no idea how naughty my bunions have been this year. 1.1698 0.04540 106 92 10 4
2271 We'll have to take turns going outside. 1.1696 0.03988 112 95 15 2
2272 If the stocking doesn’t fit Santa must acquit! 1.1696 0.04185 112 96 13 3
2273 If you must know, the reason I don't wear your stocking is because the coal hurts my feet. 1.1696 0.04185 112 96 13 3
2274 We must, indeed, all hang together or, most assuredly, we shall all hang separately. Benjamin Franklin. 1.1696 0.04185 112 96 13 3
2275 They're as snug as our budget. 1.1696 0.03781 112 94 17 1
2276 If you put your left foot down, you'll crush the kitten. 1.1696 0.04373 112 97 11 4
2277 I thought this would be more effective than putting coal in their stockings. 1.1696 0.04553 112 98 9 5
2278 Yule first. 1.1696 0.03988 112 95 15 2
2279 George, why do you keep hanging my orthopedic Christmas stockings by the fire with care? 1.1696 0.04373 112 97 11 4
2280 I’m keeping them warm ,for Santa . 1.1696 0.04373 112 97 11 4
2281 What? You told me not to buy any more shoes. 1.1696 0.04185 112 96 13 3
2282 What, I'm not enough for you? 1.1695 0.04222 118 102 12 4
2283 Since we can't light the fire tonight, I need some way to keep my feet warm. 1.1695 0.04390 118 103 10 5
2284 Sorry, one of your feet is going to be cold. Next time bring your own pair. 1.1695 0.03864 118 100 16 2
2285 We both know I’m getting coal anyway. 1.1694 0.04084 124 107 13 4
2286 What? Their Balenciaga 1.1694 0.03921 124 106 15 3
2287 Since we do not have kids, I thought I could wear them instead of just hanging them up. 1.1694 0.03921 124 106 15 3
2288 I thought I'd give Santa a little present in the stocking this year 1.1694 0.03921 124 106 15 3
2289 All I want for Christmas is foot surgery. 1.1694 0.03750 124 105 17 2
2290 What? It´s Christmas season on Feetfinder, too. 1.1694 0.03921 124 106 15 3
2291 This is for bootleg liquor. 1.1692 0.03477 130 109 20 1
2292 Warm feet are the best present 1.1692 0.03958 130 112 14 4
2293 No free feet pics until Christmas 1.1692 0.03645 130 110 18 2
2294 Today's the vlog day, why are you looking at me like that? 1.1692 0.04106 130 113 12 5
2295 You did say you liked me in stockings 😏 1.1691 0.03698 136 116 17 3
2296 I forgot to do laundry and I’m late for work! 1.1690 0.03867 142 123 14 5
2297 Why are my stockings getting smaller? 1.1689 0.03881 148 129 13 6
2298 I can’t afford Skims 1.1684 0.04650 95 82 10 3
2299 You get the Sock of Christmas Future. 1.1683 0.04465 101 87 11 3
2300 I'm preparing your best gift for Christmas 1.1683 0.04238 101 86 13 2
2301 You forgot to log in. 1.1683 0.03997 101 85 15 1
2302 I used the coal to heat the house. 1.1682 0.04090 107 91 14 2
2303 They're from Coal-Hahn. 1.1682 0.04090 107 91 14 2
2304 I've been invited to the White House. 1.1682 0.04500 107 93 10 4
2305 Look, it is a difficult time. I would appreciate no judgement. 1.1682 0.04300 107 92 12 3
2306 I said it was a good time of year to take stock, not stockings! 1.1682 0.04300 107 92 12 3
2307 Now get the hacksaw and the kids will wake to a marvellous gift. 1.1682 0.03868 107 90 16 1
2308 I found the Gummies you hid from the kids. 1.1682 0.04300 107 92 12 3
2309 Coal is so yesterday, wait till those brats get a whiff of these dogs 1.1682 0.04692 107 94 8 5
2310 I'm going out to buy the stuffers. Scratch tickets and Hershey kisses 1.1682 0.04877 107 95 6 6
2311 Now, don’t tickle me when you put in the presents. Well, maybe just a little. 1.1682 0.03868 107 90 16 1
2312 I think the kids may have been hoping for a different stocking stuffer! 1.1681 0.04151 113 97 13 3
2313 Don't judge- I'm a Jew. 1.1681 0.03956 113 96 15 2
2314 If you don't like it you can clean the chimney your way 1.1681 0.03956 113 96 15 2
2315 Just stepping into christmas. 1.1681 0.04015 119 102 14 3
2316 OMG! The Perfect gift!!! 1.1681 0.03643 119 100 18 1
2317 Sorry dear, you snooze, you lose. 1.1681 0.04189 119 103 12 4
2318 I can't afford UGGS! 1.1681 0.04015 119 102 14 3
2319 Is that a lump of coal I'm feeling? 1.1681 0.04015 119 102 14 3
2320 Your present is my presence 1.1681 0.04189 119 103 12 4
2321 If you won’t let me light the fire, I’ll have to resort to extreme measures. 1.1681 0.03442 119 99 20 0
2322 I'LL HANG THEM UP CHRISTMAS EVE BEFORE WE GO TO BED... 1.1680 0.04054 125 108 13 4
2323 That's why I never put my stockings in the dryer. 1.1680 0.03544 125 105 19 1
2324 You're sure this wasn't a last-minute gift idea? 1.1680 0.03722 125 106 17 2
2325 We have four feet and only three Christmas stockings between us. Yes, that is odd! 1.1680 0.03891 125 107 15 3
2326 These will go great with that Christmas sweater that makes all that fake snow! 1.1679 0.03778 131 112 16 3
2327 Does this mean the wedding is off? 1.1679 0.03955 137 119 13 5
2328 Not the role play that I was hoping for. 1.1667 0.04461 108 94 10 4
2329 It's actually this year's hottest fashion trend! 1.1667 0.03695 126 107 17 2
2330 Guess we'll have to have another kid. 1.1667 0.03924 114 97 15 2
2331 You said: "All I want for Christmas is you." 1.1667 0.05058 96 85 6 5
2332 You weren't going to fill my stocking anyway. 1.1667 0.04048 132 115 12 5
2333 Yeah, they’re mismatched. So what? 1.1667 0.03961 102 86 15 1
2334 This will get the message across as much as any lump of coal. 1.1667 0.03695 126 107 17 2
2335 At my age, being warm is the only present I want. 1.1667 0.03791 138 119 15 4
2336 It's bipartisan: the left is planting a tree, while the right has a traditional snowman with carrot nose and coal eyes. 1.1667 0.04179 126 110 11 5
2337 I’m going to the Holiday Bazaar. 1.1667 0.04424 102 88 11 3
2338 Apparel these days just isn’t as gay as it used to be. 1.1667 0.03594 132 112 18 2
2339 Don't knock it til you stuff it. 1.1667 0.04055 108 92 14 2
2340 It's okay, we don't have to turn the heat up. 1.1667 0.03863 126 108 15 3
2341 Except for the candy cane stabbing my toe, they fit perfectly. 1.1667 0.03721 114 96 17 1
2342 Don’t you get it? Jeez! Take your clothes off before I change my mind! 1.1667 0.04117 114 98 13 3
2343 I'm jumping into Christmas feet first the year. 1.1667 0.04604 96 83 10 3
2344 Waste not want not 1.1667 0.03721 114 96 17 1
2345 I hope you kept the receipt Susan 1.1667 0.04055 108 92 14 2
2346 What!?! Who hasn’t worn them three weeks before Christmas at least once in their life? 1.1667 0.03721 114 96 17 1
2347 I’ve been really bad this year. I’m measuring my carbon footprint. 1.1667 0.04461 108 94 10 4
2348 honey, we don’t need resort to this. Let me just turn the heat on 1.1667 0.03804 120 102 16 2
2349 Onlyfans says these are priceless. 1.1667 0.04117 114 98 13 3
2350 Can you help me get the wreath on next? 1.1667 0.04263 108 93 12 3
2351 My feet are cold. Lynn Jacobs, Metairie, Louisiana 1.1655 0.03624 139 119 17 3
2352 Better utility and less chance of disappointment. 1.1654 0.03725 133 114 16 3
2353 ...but isn't a stocking just a sock? 1.1654 0.03668 127 108 17 2
2354 What if I want presents by the boot full? 1.1654 0.03493 127 107 19 1
2355 I’m stalking Santa this year. 1.1654 0.03834 127 109 15 3
2356 Well that explains why the kids say the smell of cheese reminds them of christmas 🧀🦶 1.1654 0.04296 127 112 9 6
2357 Your mother knitted two for me and one for you. 1.1653 0.03953 121 104 14 3
2358 I'm not from here 1.1653 0.03588 121 102 18 1
2359 Sorry. Didn't you say "Let's get it on with some festive socks around the fireplace" ? 1.1653 0.04124 121 105 12 4
2360 I hear its all the rage amongst tik-tac's fashionistas. 1.1653 0.04124 121 105 12 4
2361 Don't you dare touch that thermostat. 1.1653 0.03775 121 103 16 2
2362 They're still a little damp. Let's just light the fire. 1.1653 0.03953 121 104 14 3
2363 It's giving sexy Santa. 1.1653 0.03775 121 103 16 2
2364 What? You didn’t light the fireplace. 1.1653 0.04124 121 105 12 4
2365 Did I mention I need a washing machine for Christmas ? 1.1652 0.04441 115 101 9 5
2366 I warned you Ralph! No Crocs! 1.1652 0.04083 115 99 13 3
2367 Screw the empty nest syndrome, let’s live a little! 1.1652 0.04266 115 100 11 4
2368 Must have lost your other sock in the wash last Christmas. 1.1652 0.04266 115 100 11 4
2369 Storage space is so hard to come by, finally I can wear different socks 1.1652 0.04441 115 101 9 5
2370 You thought outside the box, I'll give you that. 1.1652 0.04441 115 101 9 5
2371 These are for me. Maybe Santa will bring you the other one next Christmas. 1.1652 0.03892 115 98 15 2
2372 Can you please stop putting my stockings in the dryer? None of these match. 1.1651 0.04423 109 95 10 4
2373 You asked me to put on stockings, I'm putting on stockings. What's this look? 1.1651 0.04611 109 96 8 5
2374 Well, I think you're forgetting our heartfelt mutual commitment to minimalism. 1.1651 0.04020 109 93 14 2
2375 Yes, I think you can get them both in there. 1.1651 0.04020 109 93 14 2
2376 I was sorta hoping for a new iPhone 1.1651 0.04226 109 94 12 3
2377 I don't need any slippers for Christmas 1.1651 0.03803 109 92 16 1
2378 If we only get them out once a year I really want to get good use out of them. 1.1651 0.04226 109 94 12 3
2379 Well, what you get for a partner with a foot fetish? 1.1650 0.04161 103 88 13 2
2380 Those aren't the stockings I bought you and you know it 1.1650 0.04161 103 88 13 2
2381 No, I washed my feet first. 1.1650 0.03926 103 87 15 1
2382 There's a new elf in town. 1.1650 0.04384 103 89 11 3
2383 With care, now. 1.1650 0.04384 103 89 11 3
2384 I got here first. You'll have to have one cold foot. 1.1650 0.04161 103 88 13 2
2385 With the New Year around the corner I've resolved to give up on tap dancing. 1.1650 0.04596 103 90 9 4
2386 What do you mean you want a "super-divorce"? 1.1650 0.04993 103 92 5 6
2387 Why is there one Ugg on the Fireplace? 1.1650 0.03926 103 87 15 1
2388 You put your left foot in… 1.1650 0.04384 103 89 11 3
2389 It's just more practical this way. 1.1649 0.04318 97 83 12 2
2390 And please don't tell me what your ex used these for! 1.1649 0.04318 97 83 12 2
2391 I think having me as a mom is the best gift a kid can get 1.1649 0.04560 97 84 10 3
2392 I thought I'd try on being naughty not nice. 1.1642 0.03699 134 115 16 3
2393 “It’s called downsizing.” 1.1642 0.03382 134 113 20 1
2394 You can run around barefoot. My toes are friggin’ freezin’! 1.1641 0.04264 128 113 9 6
2395 Is it my turn to do the laundry? 1.1641 0.03468 128 108 19 1
2396 Ambien? No no, that was an advil I took. 1.1641 0.03641 128 109 17 2
2397 The list said something “priceless”… 1.1641 0.03965 128 111 13 4
2398 I’m testing out some festive themes for feet finder 1.1641 0.03468 128 108 19 1
2399 All I want for Christmas is you, plus a little extra. 1.1639 0.03923 122 105 14 3
2400 The inside is still slick from the eels you gave me last year. 1.1639 0.04255 122 107 10 5
2401 They're with their in-laws this year. 1.1638 0.03861 116 99 15 2
2402 As a matter of fact, no. I haven’t heard of Christmas before, Clark.” 1.1638 0.04232 116 101 11 4
2403 Please. This is the only time of year my feet are warm. 1.1638 0.04051 116 100 13 3
2404 Sally, we should have had another child. 1.1638 0.04051 116 100 13 3
2405 I asked you nicely to turn up the heat. 1.1638 0.04232 116 101 11 4
2406 To hell with holiday spirit. I want some Uggs. 1.1638 0.03861 116 99 15 2
2407 I read online it’s good for stress reduction. 1.1638 0.03662 116 98 17 1
2408 These are socks, right? 1.1638 0.04051 116 100 13 3
2409 Well, if Santa really isn't going to come. 1.1636 0.04385 110 96 10 4
2410 These Boots Are Made for Walkin 1.1636 0.03986 110 94 14 2
2411 Last Christmas I used the wreath as a belt 1.1636 0.04385 110 96 10 4
2412 How much egg nog did you put in the rum? 1.1636 0.04385 110 96 10 4
2413 tis the season to be jolly, now put on the other stocking and stuff it! 1.1636 0.03986 110 94 14 2
2414 This Christmas, we can't afford to fill the stockings or put the heating on. 1.1636 0.03986 110 94 14 2
2415 The directions are in the song. They only have to be hung if they are by a fire. 1.1636 0.04190 110 95 12 3
2416 I'm filling my own stockings this year. 1.1635 0.04124 104 89 13 2
2417 You don't get the hint, do you? 1.1635 0.04345 104 90 11 3
2418 Your ones with the coal are a lot heavier. 1.1635 0.04124 104 89 13 2
2419 Either turn up the heat or all you're getting is coal in your stocking. 1.1635 0.04124 104 89 13 2
2420 This is great! Now which way is the underwear fireplace? 1.1635 0.04124 104 89 13 2
2421 The other one contained coal so I threw it out. 1.1635 0.03891 104 88 15 1
2422 And you said my fetish was weird. 1.1635 0.04345 104 90 11 3
2423 Don't forget to light my fire! 1.1635 0.04755 104 92 7 5
2424 Turn that heat on or nobody's getting anything for Christmas! 1.1635 0.04345 104 90 11 3
2425 Ready to put your "All I want for Christmas is you" song obsession to the test? 1.1633 0.04277 98 84 12 2
2426 What? It’s not like you were going to fill them. 1.1633 0.04743 98 86 8 4
2427 I'm leaving you for Chris. 1.1633 0.04516 98 85 10 3
2428 I guess that one's for naughty. These are nice. 1.1633 0.04277 98 84 12 2
2429 Well, they’re not going to stuff themselves. 1.1633 0.04277 98 84 12 2
2430 Are you trying to tell me I have two left feet? 1.1630 0.05190 92 82 5 5
2431 I put the treetop star in the closet so we can see what the heck we're looking at in there. 1.1628 0.05194 86 76 6 4
2432 Now that the kids are gone, I thought it was time to repurpose 1.1628 0.03444 129 109 19 1
2433 Well you said all you want for Christmas is me so… 1.1628 0.03779 129 111 15 3
2434 Get the hint Ken, stop buying me socks for Christmas 1.1628 0.03615 129 110 17 2
2435 Why did you think I told you to get two for yourself, Jerry? 1.1628 0.03936 129 112 13 4
2436 TikTok told me to." 1.1626 0.03893 123 106 14 3
2437 Are you sure that I am better than coal? 1.1626 0.04061 123 107 12 4
2438 You were right. I should have removed the stocking stuffers before putting them on. 1.1626 0.03893 123 106 14 3
2439 Well in this economy, you gotta not only fake it to make it but reuse it and abuse it . 1.1626 0.03718 123 105 16 2
2440 But what could be sweeter than me? 1.1626 0.03718 123 105 16 2
2441 Now that we’re empty- nesters I figured I’d put these to good use! 1.1626 0.03718 123 105 16 2
2442 I heard these make one feel frisky. 1.1626 0.03893 123 106 14 3
2443 I’ve decided to live my life literally. 1.1626 0.03718 123 105 16 2
2444 It's in holiday season. 1.1624 0.03633 117 99 17 1
2445 It’s either this or you turn the thermostat up 1.1624 0.04018 117 101 13 3
2446 There's only one stocking left, no fire, and I've got cold feet! 1.1624 0.04198 117 102 11 4
2447 Stop! Don't move! I just remembered Frank was messing around with his Legos today." 1.1624 0.04198 117 102 11 4
2448 What? I’m allergic to nylon. 1.1624 0.03424 117 98 19 0
2449 Only one place I can think of for you to wear that last sock. 1.1622 0.04710 111 99 6 6
2450 Since your Christmas gifts usually suck, the solutionist in me has taken a proactive approach. 1.1622 0.04155 111 96 12 3
2451 This is how it works; I put on the stockings and hop towards you, then you close your eyes and imagine that I am all the gifts you will have to buy this year. 1.1622 0.04155 111 96 12 3
2452 They are warmer than regular socks. 1.1622 0.04155 111 96 12 3
2453 Our Very First Interfaith Christmas 1.1622 0.04532 111 98 8 5
2454 Christmas is so complicated... 1.1622 0.03740 111 94 16 1
2455 I was twice as nice as you last year so I got these in a wide width too. 1.1620 0.03824 142 124 13 5
2456 Okay baby,I'm your stocking filler !! 1.1620 0.03824 142 124 13 5
2457 Honey, I meant your OTHER holiday stockings… 1.1619 0.03857 105 89 15 1
2458 If we have another child, you’ll have a pair too. Or we can just buy socks. 1.1619 0.04088 105 90 13 2
2459 I sure hope Santa delivers on those heat pumps this year. 1.1619 0.03857 105 89 15 1
2460 Keeps him from putting coal in them. 1.1619 0.04088 105 90 13 2
2461 I'm trying to win the ugly footwear contest at my office holiday party this year. 1.1619 0.04306 105 91 11 3
2462 It's fine, I'm late...but if you just did the laundry like I asked... 1.1619 0.03857 105 89 15 1
2463 The stockings were put on my icy-cold feet, In hopes that St. Nicholas would turn up the heat. 1.1619 0.03857 105 89 15 1
2464 It's the only way that my stocking will be full. 1.1619 0.04514 105 92 9 4
2465 You know the old saying, if the Christmas stocking fits, wear it. 1.1616 0.04237 99 85 12 2
2466 I like to break them in first. 1.1616 0.03986 99 84 14 1
2467 This will save us exponentially in the stuffers department. 1.1616 0.03986 99 84 14 1
2468 Sally knew she'd get away with being Alan's Christmas gift, she just didn't have the right size box. 1.1616 0.04698 99 87 8 4
2469 Until you put the heating on, this is what's happening 1.1616 0.04698 99 87 8 4
2470 Thank you for the new stockings! Why are there only three? 1.1616 0.04473 99 86 10 3
2471 Socks really are the best gift once you reach a certain age. 1.1615 0.03240 130 109 21 0
2472 Are you anti-Christmas or just cold? 1.1615 0.03908 130 113 13 4
2473 ... but they were on sale! 1.1615 0.03908 130 113 13 4
2474 What? It’s laundry day. 1.1613 0.04128 93 79 13 1
2475 I wonder if these are one size fits all 1.1613 0.03864 124 107 14 3
2476 I got cold feet. 1.1613 0.03864 124 107 14 3
2477 Maybe it’s the eggnog talking but that wreath looks like Colonel Sanders. 1.1613 0.03691 124 106 16 2
2478 You said you wanted a gift money can't buy. 1.1613 0.03508 124 105 18 1
2479 Is this full enough for you, dear? 1.1613 0.04190 124 109 10 5
2480 The only problem with Christmas is I end up going barefoot. 1.1613 0.03508 124 105 18 1
2481 I thought you said stockings would spice things up in the bedroom Manuka Clarke - FARR WEST LINGERIE 1.1613 0.04402 93 80 11 2
2482 You think those hooks will hold? 1.1613 0.03864 124 107 14 3
2483 Great egg nog honey! 1.1610 0.03986 118 102 13 3
2484 Don’t you fucken judge me 1.1610 0.04335 118 104 9 5
2485 What happend to your other sock? At your girlfriend's place 1.1610 0.04164 118 103 11 4
2486 Well I might as well wear them. I know you got me socks AGAIN... 1.1610 0.03986 118 102 13 3
2487 What? They’re cheaper than Uggs. 1.1610 0.03605 118 100 17 1
2488 It was meant to be a surprise - you always said you only wanted me for Christmas. 1.1607 0.04120 112 97 12 3
2489 When removing decorations you said to jump in first first. 1.1607 0.03920 112 96 14 2
2490 Remind me to take these off before Santa comes. 1.1607 0.03710 112 95 16 1
2491 Is there something you need to tell me? 1.1607 0.03486 112 94 18 0
2492 The stockings were hung by the chimney with a spare. 1.1607 0.04311 112 98 10 4
2493 Just until my other pair get out of the dryer. 1.1607 0.04311 112 98 10 4
2494 Better put a sock on; I just stepped into chocolate goo. 1.1607 0.03710 112 95 16 1
2495 At least your Mom can't accuse me of putting my foot in my mouth 1.1607 0.04120 112 97 12 3
2496 I thrifted them 1.1607 0.03920 112 96 14 2
2497 You know, Walter, it seems that as a mom, this is the ONLY way I can get MY stocking filled. 1.1607 0.04120 112 97 12 3
2498 I think the man online wanted to buy your other used stockings, honey 1.1604 0.04052 106 91 13 2
2499 I wanted more for Chrismas than you. 1.1604 0.04474 106 93 9 4
2500 Uggh... 1.1604 0.04268 106 92 11 3
2501 Mom is finding subtle ways to hint that she's sick of being the only one with an empty stocking every year. 1.1604 0.04474 106 93 9 4
2502 I use the other one as a toque. 1.1604 0.04268 106 92 11 3
2503 I thought since the kids are out of the house, I would put these to use. 1.1604 0.03824 106 90 15 1
2504 This is why supply side economics doesn’t work. 1.1604 0.04268 106 92 11 3
2505 Now that Santa's done his thing with these, I'll do mine. 1.1604 0.04052 106 91 13 2
2506 Yeah, well fishnet stockings were too expensive, Carl. 1.1604 0.04268 106 92 11 3
2507 It’s an UGG sweater party 1.1604 0.04268 106 92 11 3
2508 I should have emptied them first... 1.1603 0.03395 131 111 19 1
2509 It's a boring cartoon, right? Maybe Canadian?" 1.1603 0.04028 131 115 11 5
2510 I should have taken the coal out first 1.1603 0.04028 131 115 11 5
2511 I’m really into practical gifts. 1.1603 0.03725 131 113 15 3
2512 Does this mean your answer is yes? 1.1600 0.04158 125 110 10 5
2513 This way, I know I'll end up with something I can use. 1.1600 0.03949 100 85 14 1
2514 It's just till the kids get back from college. 1.1600 0.03673 150 131 14 5
2515 You've hinted all month that you want slippers; I get it. 1.1600 0.03663 125 107 16 2
2516 Well, we can't use the fireplace to keep warm. 1.1600 0.04197 100 86 12 2
2517 I know you don't believe in Santa Claus, but you don't have to rub it in. 1.1600 0.04866 100 89 6 5
2518 I hear him coming down, get ready to kick. 1.1600 0.03835 125 108 14 3
2519 Turns, we have to take turns. 1.1600 0.04431 100 87 10 3
2520 Carbon offset credit from not lighting the Yule log. 1.1600 0.04431 100 87 10 3
2521 It's supposed to reduce migraines" 1.1600 0.03663 125 107 16 2
2522 To clarify, this ISN’T what you meant by “reduce, reuse and recycle”? 1.1600 0.03949 100 85 14 1
2523 I did it all for the nookie. 1.1600 0.04654 100 88 8 4
2524 « Since Santa didn’t come, we might as well put the stockings to good use » 1.1600 0.04431 100 87 10 3
2525 With bills rising, we’ve all got to improvise, Kevin. 1.1600 0.04197 100 86 12 2
2526 Hun, I can only wear ONE stocking, b’cuz of my weird missile-toe! 1.1600 0.04000 125 109 12 4
2527 These socks never fit right 1.1597 0.03955 119 103 13 3
2528 I'm your special stocking stuffer. 1.1597 0.04300 119 105 9 5
2529 Cosmo was right! Wearing stockings does make me feel confident and sexy. 1.1597 0.04131 119 104 11 4
2530 I’m going Christmas shopping. Need anything? 1.1597 0.03771 119 102 15 2
2531 One size fits all and to all one size fits. 1.1597 0.03955 119 103 13 3
2532 I know, next year you get two and I get one 1.1596 0.04358 94 81 11 2
2533 Jamie told Claire it was an old Scottish tradition for papists in Outlander novella # 257! Take me?? 1.1596 0.04358 94 81 11 2
2534 I know what you did with your other stocking. ;-) 1.1594 0.04016 138 122 10 6
2535 I know, “ The stockings were hung by the chimney”… Don’t care!! If I am not getting Uggs, I have nothing to wear. 1.1593 0.04086 113 98 12 3
2536 Well what did you think I did with them the rest of the year then? 1.1593 0.04275 113 99 10 4
2537 Santa doesn't due mistletoe ! 1.1593 0.04086 113 98 12 3
2538 Feet are the original stocking stuffers. 1.1593 0.03888 113 97 14 2
2539 Would you mind just putting potpourri in these this year? 1.1593 0.03888 113 97 14 2
2540 They need to be stretched out. 1.1593 0.03888 113 97 14 2
2541 It’s cheaper than lighting a fire. 1.1593 0.03888 113 97 14 2
2542 yes dear, I found out about your foot fetish 1.1593 0.03888 113 97 14 2
2543 We’ll need another kid for you to have a matching set 1.1593 0.03679 113 96 16 1
2544 I couldn’t find the matches, so… 1.1593 0.04275 113 99 10 4
2545 Just for a while, my feet are cold! 1.1591 0.03699 132 114 15 3
2546 I heard Santa has a foot fetish and i want to be safe. 1.1591 0.04818 88 77 8 3
2547 Dorene said up-cycling was all the rage.” 1.1591 0.03539 132 113 17 2
2548 You got two of the three last year. 1.1591 0.03372 132 112 19 1
2549 The OG stocking stuffer. 1.1589 0.03551 107 90 17 0
2550 Heat pump is an oxymoron. 1.1589 0.03791 107 91 15 1
2551 Somebody's got to wear the booties in this family! 1.1589 0.03551 107 90 17 0
2552 Why is it sticky in these! Jeremy! Why are these stockings sticky! 1.1589 0.03791 107 91 15 1
2553 The house is drafty, so I’m just warming up ol’ Dasher and Dancer here. 1.1589 0.04017 107 92 13 2
2554 I'm putting my foot down on gift giving this year. 1.1589 0.04017 107 92 13 2
2555 What are you putting in my stocking? 1.1589 0.03791 107 91 15 1
2556 John, I'm leaving you for old St. Nick. 1.1589 0.04017 107 92 13 2
2557 In this economy, coziness makes the best stocking stuffer. 1.1589 0.04017 107 92 13 2
2558 I agree it's a little meta but it's warm 1.1589 0.04017 107 92 13 2
2559 Maybe now I won’t get cold feet about inviting your mother to Christmas dinner. 1.1589 0.04017 107 92 13 2
2560 So, with the cost of living and all, I have been saving on socks. 1.1587 0.03807 126 109 14 3
2561 Okay, Scrooge, it's time to turn on the heat. 1.1587 0.03970 126 110 12 4
2562 I'm still a Sox fan...and you still like Shoeless Joe? 1.1587 0.03636 126 108 16 2
2563 But you specifically said you wanted me to wear stockings for the holidays! 1.1587 0.03807 126 109 14 3
2564 What? Socks have gone up 30%. 1.1587 0.04127 126 111 10 5
2565 What? Socks are $20 a pair now, Gary. It’s called up-cycling. 1.1587 0.03807 126 109 14 3
2566 My feet are freezing. Light the fire! 1.1586 0.03749 145 127 13 5
2567 I’ll get the coal for you. 1.1584 0.03913 101 86 14 1
2568 The last stocking was the smallest.. but still too big for you. Just sayin. 1.1584 0.04390 101 88 10 3
2569 Seriously Roger, why don’t you get a pair? 1.1584 0.04610 101 89 8 4
2570 More like hung with flair! 1.1584 0.04390 101 88 10 3
2571 I’m sorry but cost of living crisis 🤷🏻‍♀️ 1.1584 0.04158 101 87 12 2
2572 I’m really sorry honey I thought I bought four 1.1584 0.03913 101 86 14 1
2573 Tik Tok told me knee highs were in this season 1.1584 0.04390 101 88 10 3
2574 Are you trying to tell me you need new socks for Christmas? 1.1584 0.03913 101 86 14 1
2575 Oh, honey, I meant the other stockings. 1.1583 0.03742 120 103 15 2
2576 I figured I’d save you the trouble of buying me slippers again this year. 1.1583 0.03742 120 103 15 2
2577 Another Christmas, another wardrobe malfunction. 1.1579 0.04048 95 81 13 1
2578 Not lighting a fire reduces our carbon footprint...and hopping on one foot should help you keep warm. 1.1579 0.04419 114 101 8 5
2579 I'm tired of all this commercialism- maybe I should just leave my foot in this one! 1.1579 0.04053 114 99 12 3
2580 I can keep my feet warm and polish the floor at the same time . 1.1579 0.03856 114 98 14 2
2581 I use them for stalking 1.1579 0.04053 114 99 12 3
2582 Somehow, I don’t think that’s what they mean by ‘stocking stuffers’. 1.1579 0.04053 114 99 12 3
2583 Santa doesn't have cold feet, but I do 1.1579 0.04568 95 83 9 3
2584 How can you say I'm being greedy when I literally have TWO feet? 1.1579 0.03856 114 98 14 2
2585 Think this gag will go over the kids heads? 1.1579 0.04316 95 82 11 2
2586 This'll crush those candy canes for sprinkles on their hot chocolate! 1.1579 0.04053 114 99 12 3
2587 All of my socks are too small. 1.1579 0.03430 114 96 18 0
2588 It's gonna be a Mariah Carey Christmas. 1.1579 0.04053 114 99 12 3
2589 This is just a start - wait until you see my Christmas shoes! 1.1579 0.03650 114 97 16 1
2590 Awh! I can feel the chocolate! 1.1579 0.04048 95 81 13 1
2591 You know. Just trying to make them look more vintage. 1.1579 0.03825 133 116 13 4
2592 What do you mean I'm stocking you? 1.1579 0.04240 114 100 10 4
2593 You told me you were into feet. 1.1575 0.03432 127 108 18 1
2594 You knew I had the Bedelia genes when you married me. 1.1575 0.03779 127 110 14 3
2595 Yes, I'm getting COALed feet. 1.1575 0.03779 127 110 14 3
2596 Until I see some chestnuts roasting, my cold tootsies will be the only stuffing in these stockings 1.1574 0.04194 108 94 11 3
2597 They’ll never go out of style! 1.1574 0.04194 108 94 11 3
2598 Aren't you also dressing for the Ugly Boots contest? 1.1574 0.04194 108 94 11 3
2599 Amazingly, yours was half-price. 1.1574 0.04194 108 94 11 3
2600 Well, you wanted eggnog spice it up.. What do you think my little Santa baby? 1.1574 0.04194 108 94 11 3
2601 Fido's stocking stays. 1.1574 0.04194 108 94 11 3
2602 I've just gotten tired of compression socks, that's why. 1.1574 0.04395 108 95 9 4
2603 I’ve always wanted to be gifted. 1.1574 0.03982 108 93 13 2
2604 Come with me if you want. 1.1574 0.03758 108 92 15 1
2605 I'm going to sell them on my onlyfans 1.1574 0.04194 108 94 11 3
2606 Better to put them to practical use since we can't afford to stuff them. 1.1573 0.04491 89 77 10 2
2607 Next year no metal jacks please.. 1.1570 0.04067 121 106 11 4
2608 How else am I going to keep warm when you dont start the fire 1.1570 0.04067 121 106 11 4
2609 There's coal in the third stocking for the fire or for you. 1.1570 0.03713 121 104 15 2
2610 You may have forgotten but it is Chritmas day! Merry Chritmas my dear 1.1570 0.04067 121 106 11 4
2611 Awww -- You're my favorite stocking stuffer. 1.1570 0.03894 121 105 13 3
2612 It’s a stocking stuffer for your foot fetish. 1.1570 0.04393 121 108 7 6
2613 Check out these red bottoms! 1.1570 0.03894 121 105 13 3
2614 Ok, hang me up on the mantel and act surprised in the morning. 1.1569 0.04567 102 90 8 4
2615 Slippers, what a thoughtful Christmas present! 1.1569 0.04350 102 89 10 3
2616 I’ve already filled the stockings. 1.1569 0.04350 102 89 10 3
2617 They’re tougher to fill with coal this way. 1.1569 0.03878 102 87 14 1
2618 I know what you are thinking, dear: If only the tradition involved boots, a there was a dancer's pole in yours 1.1566 0.05279 83 74 5 4
2619 It's time we had a practical holiday for once. 1.1565 0.04020 115 100 12 3
2620 So what if I start the fire and we forget about the carbon footprint? 1.1565 0.04205 115 101 10 4
2621 Well, Gerry, if you had let me get two dogs instead of one, you would have had a pair as well. 1.1565 0.04020 115 100 12 3
2622 Well we can't light the fireplace for obvious reasons, so this is how we've got to stay warm. 1.1565 0.03825 115 99 14 2
2623 I'd rather not light your fire. 1.1565 0.03403 115 97 18 0
2624 Ugly Christmas sweaters are out. 1.1565 0.03620 115 98 16 1
2625 The first two were easy, any suggestions on that one? 1.1565 0.04020 115 100 12 3
2626 You promise to stop begging, agreed? 1.1565 0.04020 115 100 12 3
2627 Well if you weren't too frugal to start a fire... 1.1565 0.04020 115 100 12 3
2628 What? Heating costs are through the roof and you know gangrene runs in my family. 1.1565 0.03403 115 97 18 0
2629 I'll put them back before midnight. 1.1565 0.04020 115 100 12 3
2630 I will put them back as soon as you turn up the heat, Scrooge. 1.1562 0.04274 96 83 11 2
2631 Austerity 1.1562 0.04066 128 113 10 5
2632 Thanks for lifting me off the mantel. 1.1562 0.03583 128 110 16 2
2633 Eso sí que es. S.O.C.K.S. 1.1562 0.04274 96 83 11 2
2634 That's all I've got! The Christmas tree skirt didn't fit! 1.1562 0.04523 96 84 9 3
2635 My presence is the present. 1.1562 0.03912 128 112 12 4
2636 Let's play stockings vs skins. 1.1562 0.03751 128 111 14 3
2637 I’ll put them back if I can change the thermostat! 1.1562 0.03408 128 109 18 1
2638 On three, I want you to lift me onto the mantel 1.1562 0.04009 96 82 13 1
2639 These will have to do until you get me those Uggs you keep promising me 1.1562 0.04009 96 82 13 1
2640 What holiday stockings did you think I was just going to slip into? 1.1560 0.03491 109 92 17 0
2641 I don't want to get mistletoe. 1.1560 0.03948 109 94 13 2
2642 They're not just decorative. 1.1560 0.03948 109 94 13 2
2643 I'm waiting on the roof this year; all night if I have to! 1.1560 0.03948 109 94 13 2
2644 This year, I am giving Santa the boot! 1.1560 0.04158 109 95 11 3
2645 Nobody is using them Chad 1.1560 0.03727 109 93 15 1
2646 Our first Christmas together and our fire is already gone 1.1560 0.04158 109 95 11 3
2647 Either you fix the fireplace, or Braden and Emily get toe fungus for Christmas. 1.1558 0.05865 77 70 2 5
2648 Well, I know you're good at hopping. 1.1557 0.03864 122 106 13 3
2649 You do WHAT with them? 1.1557 0.03864 122 106 13 3
2650 #regifting 1.1557 0.03685 122 105 15 2
2651 Go ask the O’Malley’s for another 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
2652 I'm thinking these'll be easy to take off, after shoveling out the car! 1.1556 0.03622 135 117 15 3
2653 I just hope they won’t be too disappointed to learn it’s not the smell of Santa’s feet they’ve been crazy for all these years 1.1554 0.03801 148 131 11 6
2654 I just had to try it once. 1.1553 0.03843 103 88 14 1
2655 I'm a re-gifter." 1.1553 0.04083 103 89 12 2
2656 You don’t like it? Light the fire. 1.1553 0.04310 103 90 10 3
2657 Christmas stocking faux pas 1.1553 0.04310 103 90 10 3
2658 I got your stocking stuffers right here, my little barefoot elf! 1.1553 0.04310 103 90 10 3
2659 I thought that all you wanted for Christmas was... me? 1.1553 0.03843 103 88 14 1
2660 They’ll beg for lumps of coal after getting a whiff of these. 1.1553 0.03843 103 88 14 1
2661 Yes, I do feel the warm coal. 1.1553 0.04310 103 90 10 3
2662 What? I forgot to ask Santa for SKIMS. Sometimes, you've just gotta make do. 1.1553 0.03843 103 88 14 1
2663 I’m doing Santa’s job for him 1.1552 0.03591 116 99 16 1
2664 Beat you to them. Maybe you'll get around to the laundry now. 1.1552 0.03987 116 101 12 3
2665 I think you forgot to remove the Tootsie Rolls from last year. 1.1552 0.03987 116 101 12 3
2666 Honey, I told you to stay away from 'one size fits all' items. These socks are not even in pairs. 1.1552 0.03794 116 100 14 2
2667 The heat is out . . . literally. 1.1552 0.03376 116 98 18 0
2668 It's one of the many benefits of having an empty nest. 1.1550 0.03383 129 110 18 1
2669 Now that we’re remote, I need new ways to get into the Christmas spirit. 1.1550 0.03558 129 111 16 2
2670 I’m pretty sure you're going on the naughty list after this. 1.1546 0.04479 97 85 9 3
2671 Santa put a dreidel in my sock. I feel like a schlemiel. 1.1546 0.04713 97 86 7 4
2672 He sees you when you’re sleeping, he knows when you’re awake, he knows if you’ve been bad or good or if your stockings are fake. 1.1546 0.03971 97 83 13 1
2673 Just until we find my slippers. 1.1546 0.04232 97 84 11 2
2674 Umm, can’t think of a better stocking stuffer, am I right? 1.1546 0.04232 97 84 11 2
2675 Really, honey, you shouldn't have. 1.1545 0.04690 110 99 5 6
2676 You better wear your stockings so we don't end up with coal. 1.1545 0.03915 110 95 13 2
2677 THC Eggnog hun? 1.1545 0.04122 110 96 11 3
2678 One more stocking and some matches would make it the best Christmas ever. 1.1545 0.03915 110 95 13 2
2679 Then when Santa comes to stuff my socks you tackle him ,okay" 1.1545 0.03915 110 95 13 2
2680 You think a lump of coal smells that way naturally? 1.1545 0.04122 110 96 11 3
2681 Glad you socked it to me! 1.1545 0.03915 110 95 13 2
2682 Do they fit? I picked them up last minute. 1.1545 0.03915 110 95 13 2
2683 I've spent this night with him the last five years. 1.1545 0.04122 110 96 11 3
2684 You can have them back when you turn the heating on 1.1545 0.04122 110 96 11 3
2685 That one is for the cat 1.1545 0.03915 110 95 13 2
2686 My feet are cold. 1.1545 0.03657 123 106 15 2
2687 You're such a Grinch! 1.1545 0.03657 123 106 15 2
2688 Do you want to borrow one of mine? 1.1545 0.03657 123 106 15 2
2689 I don’t need anything. 1.1545 0.04005 123 108 11 4
2690 ‘Trevor why are there oranges in my socks?’ 1.1545 0.04005 123 108 11 4
2691 The fire was delightful. 1.1545 0.03657 123 106 15 2
2692 Your foot fetish is easy on my gift budget. 1.1544 0.03746 136 119 13 4
2693 Didn't you suggest I take a hike? 1.1544 0.03888 136 120 11 5
2694 If we can't burn wood I'm wearing them! 1.1538 0.03955 117 102 12 3
2695 HUMBUG! 1.1538 0.04399 91 79 10 2
2696 If they'd been hung by the FIRE with care, I wouldn't need them." 1.1538 0.03809 104 89 14 1
2697 Let’s be real-you and I get oranges from the counter. 1.1538 0.04046 104 90 12 2
2698 Light the fire or I’m wearing these. 1.1538 0.03697 130 113 14 3
2699 Grab a pic before I miss the trend! 1.1538 0.03555 104 88 16 0
2700 Do. The. Laundry! I need clean socks! 1.1538 0.04046 104 90 12 2
2701 You're right, toe jam will send a much stronger message to the kids than coal. 1.1538 0.04484 104 92 8 4
2702 I thought these were my presents. I was just using my presents. 1.1538 0.04271 104 91 10 3
2703 I hear the Sopranos use steel-toe stockings. 1.1538 0.04668 91 80 8 3
2704 Do you ever get the feeling there’s an all-powerful deity named Amy Hwang that makes you do things for no good reason? 1.1538 0.03955 117 102 12 3
2705 Sorry, it must've gotten lost in the laundry. 1.1538 0.04137 117 103 10 4
2706 I just heard Santa won’t be here tonight. He allegedly caught Rudolph with Mrs. Claus playing little reindeer games.” 1.1538 0.04137 117 103 10 4
2707 That’s nothing. When I was a kid I had to wear bread bags when I trudged ten miles to school and back in a blizzard. 1.1532 0.03974 124 109 11 4
2708 Isn't this how stocking stuffing works? 1.1532 0.03806 124 108 13 3
2709 Since the kids are not coming for Christmas every again I thought of putting there stockings to good use 1.1532 0.03444 124 106 17 1
2710 Beware of the legos. 1.1532 0.04087 111 97 11 3
2711 I just thought of something to get you for Christmas! 1.1532 0.03665 111 95 15 1
2712 If this fireplace is only for decor, then I have to wear the decor. 1.1532 0.04087 111 97 11 3
2713 I wrote Santa to bring you some socks. 1.1531 0.04192 98 85 11 2
2714 You have to admit it,Allan,ugly Christmas sweaters are so 2019. 1.1531 0.04436 98 86 9 3
2715 No,it isn't that I gained weight! I think the snowman's supposed to go on the rihgt foot and the Christmas tree on the left. 1.1531 0.04436 98 86 9 3
2716 Wait. There’s something in this one. 1.1529 0.04269 85 73 11 1
2717 Given inflation, I thought this a better use of our stockings. 1.1527 0.03827 131 115 12 4
2718 It’s snowing and I don’t have any boots. That’s why I’m putting them on. 1.1527 0.03827 131 115 12 4
2719 There better not be any coal lumps in here! 1.1527 0.03507 131 113 16 2
2720 They were out of fishnets. 1.1527 0.03507 131 113 16 2
2721 If you think I'm passive aggressively telling you to turn the temperature up, you're right. 1.1525 0.03734 118 102 14 2
2722 If you'd let me turn up the thermostat, my feet wouldn't be this cold. 1.1525 0.03535 118 101 16 1
2723 When you said "all I want for Christmas is you" I thought you were serious. 1.1524 0.04232 105 92 10 3
2724 I’ve always pulled myself by my own bootstraps. 1.1524 0.04010 105 91 12 2
2725 My Balenciagas got wet. 1.1524 0.04010 105 91 12 2
2726 Stockings and suspenders you asked for. The suspense is killing me 1.1524 0.04010 105 91 12 2
2727 You should try them, Will! I have only two legs. 1.1524 0.04645 105 94 6 5
2728 These stockings really ARE magical. They help me tiptoe through the minefield that is our family holiday dinner. 1.1522 0.04354 92 80 10 2
2729 Don't worry, a little spritz of pine-scented Febreze and they'll be fine. 1.1520 0.03418 125 107 17 1
2730 Just hang me by the chimney with care. 1.1520 0.03777 125 109 13 3
2731 Boyfriends from Christmas past 1.1520 0.03777 125 109 13 3
2732 What is this ! Prop Comedy ? 1.1520 0.03224 125 106 19 0
2733 No one will know” “They’re gonna know 1.1520 0.03944 125 110 11 4
2734 I was hoping for a matching pair, but I suppose it’s the thought that counts. 1.1519 0.04445 79 68 10 1
2735 Call the cops! Santa is stocking me again! 1.1518 0.04053 112 98 11 3
2736 Shopping. Why do you ask? 1.1518 0.04053 112 98 11 3
2737 Money’s tight. We’ll take turns. 1.1518 0.03849 112 97 13 2
2738 See, we need to have a second child. 1.1518 0.03849 112 97 13 2
2739 I couldn't wait to fill your stockings. 1.1518 0.03634 112 96 15 1
2740 Ho, Ho, Ho yourself! 1.1518 0.03634 112 96 15 1
2741 No clean socks 1.1518 0.03849 112 97 13 2
2742 Won't the kids be surprised! 1.1515 0.03896 99 85 13 1
2743 Your childhood is one of the main contributing influences to your self-confidence. 1.1515 0.03645 132 115 14 3
2744 I was serious about asking for more socks for Christmas. 1.1515 0.03622 99 84 15 0
2745 See, I don't need more socks this year. 1.1515 0.03645 132 115 14 3
2746 Bigfoot IS real. 1.1515 0.03896 99 85 13 1
2747 Plus, all the crushed up peppermints make me smell like holiday cheer! 1.1515 0.04152 99 86 11 2
2748 All I got was Uggs knockoffs. 1.1513 0.03893 119 104 12 3
2749 Well we might as well get some use out of them! 1.1513 0.03508 119 102 16 1
2750 Your fire went out. Whadya expect? 1.1513 0.03893 119 104 12 3
2751 But you always get me socks for Christmas! 1.1513 0.03508 119 102 16 1
2752 If you’re my gift then I’m unsure if I’m on the naughty or nice list this year. 1.1513 0.03893 119 104 12 3
2753 Although I think it's a great gift, I'm not sure stuffing you into the stockings was Santa's 1st choice. 1.1513 0.03298 119 101 18 0
2754 ``Poor sweetie only gets one stocking. Are we in for another silent night?'' 1.1513 0.03893 119 104 12 3
2755 it's a CHRISTMAS story, not a CINDERELLA story. 1.1513 0.03893 119 104 12 3
2756 I’m just putting these on to take the trash out 1.1512 0.04827 86 76 7 3
2757 Try putting your coal in here fat man 1.1509 0.04404 106 94 8 4
2758 Keeps the coal out 1.1508 0.03915 126 111 11 4
2759 I do believe, but I warned we'd run out of socks by November. 1.1508 0.03393 126 108 17 1
2760 You knew I was a dumb bitch when you married me, Randall. Don't start now. 1.1508 0.03749 126 110 13 3
2761 It give me more socks appeal... 1.1505 0.04310 93 81 10 2
2762 Its January 1st, and snowing or not, its time to look for our little Billy. 1.1505 0.04310 93 81 10 2
2763 I wouldn't have to put these on, if you would just light the damn Yule logs! 1.1505 0.04573 93 82 8 3
2764 I'm your Christmas surprise from Santa. 1.1505 0.04310 93 81 10 2
2765 Our heating bill is ridiculous, it’s time to get creative. 1.1505 0.04573 93 82 8 3
2766 They'd be quite comfy if they didnt have a lump of coal inside 1.1504 0.04211 113 100 9 4
2767 The dangers of mixed marriage. 1.1504 0.04211 113 100 9 4
2768 The stockings were hung by the chimney with care but unfortunately there’s only one pair. 1.1504 0.04019 113 99 11 3
2769 I said I wanted socks and I meant it. 1.1504 0.04211 113 100 9 4
2770 I'll put them back after Thanksgiving. 1.1504 0.04019 113 99 11 3
2771 Coal, toe fungus, same idea. 1.1504 0.03604 113 97 15 1
2772 Reuse is the second of the three R's of Recycling. 1.1504 0.03817 113 98 13 2
2773 It's just like playing potato sack. 1.1504 0.03817 113 98 13 2
2774 Honey! Santa can't fill those if there on your feet. 1.1504 0.03604 113 97 15 1
2775 I found the solution to the missing sock! 1.1504 0.04019 113 99 11 3
2776 Don't tell Santa. 1.1504 0.03817 113 98 13 2
2777 Don't judge me for wearing mismatched socks. 1.1504 0.03604 113 97 15 1
2778 These fit like a glove, you should try ONE 1.1504 0.04211 113 100 9 4
2779 The coal lumps feel good under my fallen arches. 1.1500 0.03676 120 104 14 2
2780 I'm just being practical, Bob. 1.1500 0.04352 100 88 9 3
2781 The Sockholders have voted me to a majority position. 1.1500 0.03273 120 102 18 0
2782 That's strike two. One more and... 1.1500 0.03676 120 104 14 2
2783 Don’t laugh. What do you know of love? 1.1500 0.03860 100 86 13 1
2784 What? It's not like these stockings are the only things that aren't hung around here. 1.1500 0.04578 100 89 7 4
2785 You mean they actually have a function? 1.1500 0.03589 100 85 15 0
2786 What? This is how I celebrate Christmas in houses that have the thermostat set to the totally perfect temperature. 1.1500 0.04352 100 88 9 3
2787 I always wondered why you can't wear stockings, turns out there's a bunch of things inside of these! 1.1500 0.03676 120 104 14 2
2788 and they thought coal was bad 1.1500 0.03860 100 86 13 1
2789 Santa can find his own footwear for once. 1.1500 0.03589 100 85 15 0
2790 Only Santa can judge me. 1.1500 0.03860 100 86 13 1
2791 I wish I was taller 1.1500 0.03862 120 105 12 3
2792 It is “wear your favorite holiday decor” at the kid’s school tomorrow and I’m running out of ideas 1.1500 0.04113 100 87 11 2
2793 Put your sock on – the three-legged race is about to start. 1.1496 0.03885 127 112 11 4
2794 Am I supposed to put the last one on my “middle” leg? 1.1496 0.03721 127 111 13 3
2795 It's the newest TikTok dance 1.1496 0.03549 127 110 15 2
2796 Now go hang the wreath on your schlong. 1.1496 0.03885 127 112 11 4
2797 I figured I don’t need three stockings to receive my diamond bracelet 1.1496 0.03721 127 111 13 3
2798 Sorry, I'm wearing the socks this year. 1.1495 0.04158 107 94 10 3
2799 I don't know what you mean! These fit me perfectly! 1.1495 0.03940 107 93 12 2
2800 If we can't afford firewood at least we can keep our feet warm 1.1495 0.03940 107 93 12 2
2801 Stocking stuffing has been a lot easier since you came out as a foot fetishist. 1.1495 0.03710 107 92 14 1
2802 Marve and Harry were the wet bandits. We’re the stocking stuffers. Hurry Kevin, put yours on. 1.1495 0.04365 107 95 8 4
2803 I said I’d do the stocking stuffers this year, remember? 1.1495 0.04158 107 94 10 3
2804 They’re here at 6. 1.1495 0.04158 107 94 10 3
2805 It’s Santacon, I’m trying to be festive but discreet. 1.1495 0.03940 107 93 12 2
2806 I found a perfect way to recycle them.” 1.1494 0.04775 87 77 7 3
2807 There's a lump of coal in this one but at least they're dry. 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
2808 ...but they're the warmest socks I have. 1.1493 0.03746 134 118 12 4
2809 Trust me, this is what Grandma and Grandpa would have wanted 1.1491 0.03786 114 99 13 2
2810 Socks, John. I told you I wanted socks for Christmas. You did not get me socks, now I must make do. 1.1491 0.03786 114 99 13 2
2811 This will be the last time you try to become one of Santa's helpers!" myoken@umassd.edu Mel Yoken, Ph.D 1.1491 0.03986 114 100 11 3
2812 Keep the homepage burning.” 1.1491 0.03986 114 100 11 3
2813 Damn inflation, we can.t afford the gas or wood for that matter. Thank God for these sox. 1.1489 0.03758 141 125 11 5
2814 It's not even midnight; don't give up so quickly. Santa is just running late. 1.1489 0.03990 94 81 12 1
2815 Don't bother giving me socks this year. 1.1489 0.03990 94 81 12 1
2816 Last Christmas you said you only wanted me....make sure my stocking is full honey 1.1489 0.04267 94 82 10 2
2817 How’s it hanging?! 1.1489 0.03990 94 81 12 1
2818 New socks? In this economy? 1.1489 0.03692 94 80 14 0
2819 You could’ve hung a fourth. 1.1489 0.03990 94 81 12 1
2820 We're in a recession, Tom. 1.1489 0.03692 94 80 14 0
2821 If the thermostat is turned any lower.... 1.1488 0.03832 121 106 12 3
2822 You weren't ALL I wanted for Christmas... 1.1488 0.03648 121 105 14 2
2823 Just trying to preempt my disappointment. 1.1488 0.03832 121 106 12 3
2824 Getting into the holiday spirit. 1.1488 0.03248 121 103 18 0
2825 In this economy, we have to get creative 1.1488 0.03454 121 104 16 1
2826 Are you the one paying that heating bill, then stuff a sock in it 1.1488 0.03832 121 106 12 3
2827 They are very comfortable, but they didn't have any in your size. 1.1485 0.04075 101 88 11 2
2828 Don't people ever wonder why they're called stockings? 1.1485 0.04075 101 88 11 2
2829 Well, next time specify which stockings you want me to wear. 1.1485 0.03556 101 86 15 0
2830 Honey,I thought we said no gifts this year! 1.1485 0.04311 101 89 9 3
2831 The song went, "deck the halls..." , but I heard "cloak the paws..." 1.1485 0.03824 101 87 13 1
2832 Where is your other stocking? With your ex-wife?! 1.1485 0.03824 101 87 13 1
2833 Stockings with the fur??? In this economy??? 1.1485 0.04075 101 88 11 2
2834 Raised by elves 1.1485 0.04535 101 90 7 4
2835 You were expecting Mariah Carey? 1.1484 0.03523 128 111 15 2
2836 OK,but why are they filled with mayonnaise? 1.1484 0.03523 128 111 15 2
2837 Thanks. That means more for me. 1.1484 0.03694 128 112 13 3
2838 Sorry, there is a lump of coal in there! 1.1484 0.03344 128 110 17 1
2839 Maybe ChatGPT didn't quite understand the Christmas stocking concept. 1.1484 0.03694 128 112 13 3
2840 I'm not just for you this year. 1.1481 0.03906 108 94 12 2
2841 Wear them? No, silly, I'm giving the kids my feet for Christmas. 1.1481 0.04522 108 97 6 5
2842 What do you mean folks unfamiliar with Christmas traditions also attempt the New Yorker caption contest? 1.1481 0.03906 108 94 12 2
2843 The nougat heel pads are darling. 1.1481 0.04326 108 96 8 4
2844 Really? Toothpaste? 1.1481 0.03906 108 94 12 2
2845 So you like seeing me in my stockings? 1.1481 0.03906 108 94 12 2
2846 No, this is fine. I still say socks are not a good gift. 1.1481 0.03678 108 93 14 1
2847 It's that why we hang them above the fire? 1.1481 0.03906 108 94 12 2
2848 You know we all can’t be warm blooded 1.1481 0.03906 108 94 12 2
2849 I just need them to go up to the roof. 1.1481 0.03906 108 94 12 2
2850 It's not real anyway. 1.1478 0.03755 115 100 13 2
2851 Just making sure yours isn't bigger than mine. 1.1478 0.03546 115 99 15 1
2852 This is on you...you keep complaining about my cold feet in bed! 1.1478 0.03755 115 100 13 2
2853 This one is on you. I asked you to hang 4 hooks! 1.1478 0.03953 115 101 11 3
2854 Warm toe-ho-ho-ho-ho. 1.1478 0.03953 115 101 11 3
2855 The reindeer couldn’t agree on which country to boycott. 1.1478 0.03953 115 101 11 3
2856 If you're having second thoughts about celebrating Christmas together, you can tell me. 1.1478 0.03953 115 101 11 3
2857 I asked Santa for a pedicure. 1.1478 0.04142 115 102 9 4
2858 mmmmfgh.,...,, feet 1.1475 0.03224 122 104 18 0
2859 And I made one for your kicking foot. 1.1475 0.03802 122 107 12 3
2860 See, it’s like I’m Goldilocks, these are juuust riiight. 1.1475 0.03977 122 108 10 4
2861 Check out my new Coal Haans 1.1475 0.04143 122 109 8 5
2862 Saw them advertised as stocking stuffers! 1.1474 0.04225 95 83 10 2
2863 But my feet are cold! 1.1474 0.03951 95 82 12 1
2864 Sorry, Bob - odd man out. 1.1474 0.04225 95 83 10 2
2865 I’d like radiant heating for Christmas. 1.1474 0.04725 95 85 6 4
2866 it’s not my fault i have large feet 1.1474 0.04225 95 83 10 2
2867 Surprise! Santa sent me to you. 1.1474 0.03951 95 82 12 1
2868 Two socks are better than one? 1.1474 0.04482 95 84 8 3
2869 OK, now you have to play that guitar sitting in the corner you haven't touched since college. 1.1473 0.03828 129 114 11 4
2870 What more could you ask for" 1.1471 0.04271 102 90 9 3
2871 I don't care, my feet are cold. 1.1471 0.04038 102 89 11 2
2872 You owe me one, so I get to hang two 1.1471 0.04038 102 89 11 2
2873 Socks it to me 1.1471 0.03790 102 88 13 1
2874 Honey, those aren't those type of stockings..." 1.1471 0.03524 102 87 15 0
2875 I saw it on the Hallmark movie “Stockings On for Christmas.” 1.1471 0.04271 102 90 9 3
2876 Nick, this is how all stocking influencers with Riz do 1.1471 0.04271 102 90 9 3
2877 With “care,” dear. Not “hung by the chimney with Karen.” 1.1471 0.04271 102 90 9 3
2878 Christmas 2023: Amelia Bedelia is asked to stuff the stockings. 1.1471 0.04271 102 90 9 3
2879 You're the one who let the kids have a fake snowball fight with our socks outside, not me. You get one stocking. 1.1471 0.04271 102 90 9 3
2880 I asked Santa for a foot massage. 1.1468 0.03646 109 94 14 1
2881 It's called upcycling! 1.1468 0.03646 109 94 14 1
2882 With our heating bills, this is a warm and happier Christmas for me. 1.1468 0.03646 109 94 14 1
2883 It’s worth being on Santa’s naughty list. 1.1468 0.04482 109 98 6 5
2884 You've been naughty this year so Santa asked me to step in. 1.1468 0.03872 109 95 12 2
2885 These stockings are made for walkings! 1.1468 0.03872 109 95 12 2
2886 You're too cheap to turn up the heat 1.1468 0.03872 109 95 12 2
2887 What idiot left their Rubik’s Cube in here? 1.1466 0.03518 116 100 15 1
2888 Well, they do call them Christmas stockings. 1.1466 0.03725 116 101 13 2
2889 Well, it’s the only way they’ll be filled! 1.1466 0.04108 116 103 9 4
2890 Look, Bob. A "three-legged race" is a three-legged race. Go get the axe out of the garage! 1.1466 0.03921 116 102 11 3
2891 ‘It is the Yuletoe Season.’ 1.1466 0.03518 116 100 15 1
2892 Of course I get two. One for each foot. 1.1466 0.03725 116 101 13 2
2893 Because you're the only present I want 1.1463 0.04631 82 72 8 2
2894 They're surprisingly comfortable ... except for the Lego piece I assume is from your childhood. 1.1463 0.03402 123 106 16 1
2895 Inflation is affecting everything, have you seen how much socks are? 1.1463 0.03592 123 107 14 2
2896 Come on, it’s December in Sheboygan. 1.1463 0.03200 123 105 18 0
2897 my dad would never let us turn up the heat. 1.1463 0.03946 123 109 10 4
2898 I told you we should’ve bought 4 1.1462 0.03296 130 112 17 1
2899 So all I’m getting for Christmas is you? 1.1461 0.04938 89 80 5 4
2900 I gotta do something if you're not going to light the fire. 1.1461 0.04090 89 77 11 1
2901 Try to put yourself in Santa's shoes 1.1461 0.04090 89 77 11 1
2902 Since the fireplace broke, I’ve got my stockings to keep me warm. 1.1460 0.03520 137 120 14 3
2903 Hey, know what would go good with these? An Easter loincloth. 1.1458 0.04183 96 84 10 2
2904 This year, I'm putting the toe back in mistletoe. 1.1458 0.03621 96 82 14 0
2905 I'm giving them a mother's love, you give them your watch 1.1458 0.04183 96 84 10 2
2906 They're a little big. 1.1456 0.03755 103 89 13 1
2907 Its a new take on an old concept - stocking stuffers! 1.1456 0.03755 103 89 13 1
2908 What? Mom's dead, and the doctor gave you a week." 1.1456 0.03755 103 89 13 1
2909 It's win-win. I have warm feet; you enjoy my warm toes in bed tonight 1.1456 0.03755 103 89 13 1
2910 I'm finally grown up enough to wear them. 1.1456 0.03493 103 88 15 0
2911 You're an atheist, why do you care? 1.1456 0.04451 103 92 7 4
2912 What? The radiator stopped working! 1.1456 0.04232 103 91 9 3
2913 Guess I’m one step ahead of you again in more ways than one, now that there aren’t enough for both of us… 1.1456 0.03755 103 89 13 1
2914 You’re the one with a foot fetish. Merry Christmas. You’re welcome. 1.1456 0.04232 103 91 9 3
2915 I actually meant it when I said I wanted socks this year 1.1456 0.04001 103 90 11 2
2916 Christmas is more than afoot this year. 1.1456 0.03755 103 89 13 1
2917 What're you looking at? Someone's got to stuff my stalking and it's not like you're doing it anymore 1.1456 0.03755 103 89 13 1
2918 This motherfucker. 1.1455 0.04051 110 97 10 3
2919 Christmas stockings can be explained if they have a sustainable use. 1.1455 0.03615 110 95 14 1
2920 I saw this trending on TikTok to help vericose veins! 1.1455 0.03839 110 96 12 2
2921 Hula-Hooping a wreath is your talent for the Christmas show? 1.1453 0.03695 117 102 13 2
2922 Washing machine repair canceled again. 1.1453 0.03695 117 102 13 2
2923 The vacuum cleaner broke. 1.1453 0.03490 117 101 15 1
2924 Now, show me your intrusive thoughts related to Christmas. 1.1453 0.04074 117 104 9 4
2925 No coal in these two this year! 1.1453 0.03889 117 103 11 3
2926 Do these boots make my reindeer look big? 1.1453 0.03695 117 102 13 2
2927 I was worried about measles toes infection 1.1453 0.03889 117 103 11 3
2928 Just because you check them for gifts a certain way, doesn’t mean it’s the right way 1.1453 0.03695 117 102 13 2
2929 And you took the top 2 wishes. 1.1453 0.03490 117 101 15 1
2930 Do you really think red is your color? 1.1452 0.03565 124 108 14 2
2931 What better stocking gift than your mother? 1.1452 0.03916 124 110 10 4
2932 I haven't been good, so I might as well have warm slippers. 1.1452 0.03376 124 107 16 1
2933 Looks like some naughty boy wrote munching ass on their list this year. 1.1452 0.03565 124 108 14 2
2934 Sorry Honey, we ran out of socks!” Jeffrey Manly Toronto,On 1.1452 0.03745 124 109 12 3
2935 I can't wait to see how you are going to use the rest. 1.1452 0.03565 124 108 14 2
2936 Just stretching them out. 1.1449 0.03341 138 120 16 2
2937 I thought we weren't exchanging gifts this year? 1.1449 0.03496 138 121 14 3
2938 It's a gas fireplace, so Santa won't be shimmying down that chimney anytime soon to stuff these stockings." 1.1444 0.04345 90 79 9 2
2939 nan 1.1444 0.04623 90 80 7 3
2940 I've been studying the circular economy at school, so I want to repurpose these stockings as shoes. 1.1444 0.04345 90 79 9 2
2941 Don't look at me like that. It's a Tik Tok trend. 1.1444 0.04048 90 78 11 1
2942 That’s what I call a stocking stuffer. 1.1443 0.04142 97 85 10 2
2943 You'll be hopping to the party. 1.1443 0.04142 97 85 10 2
2944 A decorative stocking? In this economy?! 1.1443 0.04142 97 85 10 2
2945 Well, if you won’t build a fire… 1.1443 0.03875 97 84 12 1
2946 Stop worrying. I'll take 'em off before bed. Now gimme my boots. 1.1443 0.03875 97 84 12 1
2947 You’ve been a bad boy and I have coal-d feet… 1.1443 0.04142 97 85 10 2
2948 Hey, those are mine. 1.1443 0.03875 97 84 12 1
2949 I figure if I wear them all the time, no one could add a lump of coal this time! 1.1443 0.03587 97 83 14 0
2950 We’re saving on heating to buy presents for the kids 1.1442 0.03965 104 91 11 2
2951 Did you leave last year's candy in this one? 1.1442 0.03965 104 91 11 2
2952 It's the latest TikTok craze--Ugly Christmas Stocking contests! 1.1442 0.03722 104 90 13 1
2953 You can use it to cover the deformed one. 1.1442 0.04193 104 92 9 3
2954 Since we got lumps of coal I figure I’d use them as foot warmers. 1.1442 0.03462 104 89 15 0
2955 We used to stretch them when we were kids to get more goodies. 1.1442 0.03722 104 90 13 1
2956 I said it was time to fill the stockings, not put them on.” John Schantz, Nazareth, P 1.1442 0.03462 104 89 15 0
2957 Guess what you’re getting for Christmas? 1.1442 0.04410 104 93 7 4
2958 Great present, but the socks are too big! 1.1442 0.03965 104 91 11 2
2959 In case Santa decides to revive the tradition of throwing gold, I want to widen the cuffs. 1.1442 0.03965 104 91 11 2
2960 I love my Christmas present 1.1442 0.04193 104 92 9 3
2961 Let's spike the Eggnog and get on the naughty list! 1.1442 0.04410 104 93 7 4
2962 I was waiting for 18 years to do that. 1.1442 0.03965 104 91 11 2
2963 I just really hate doing laundry. 1.1441 0.03585 111 96 14 1
2964 I'm hoping for a pedicure. 1.1441 0.03585 111 96 14 1
2965 I think I’m ready to adopt that Saint Bernard you’ve been wanting! 1.1441 0.03349 111 95 16 0
2966 Yes, the tchotchkes inside are a bit uncomfortable. 1.1441 0.03807 111 97 12 2
2967 Some dancing Mormons on TikTok said he has a foot fetish. 1.1441 0.03807 111 97 12 2
2968 Kiss me. I'm your little stocking stuffer. 1.1441 0.04405 111 100 6 5
2969 I got mine; you gotta' get yours. 1.1441 0.03807 111 97 12 2
2970 Why look surprised? I asked for a pair of nylons and you for a balaclava.” 1.1441 0.03807 111 97 12 2
2971 My coworker suggested we try carole-play 1.1441 0.03585 111 96 14 1
2972 Two out of three ain't bad! 1.1441 0.04016 111 98 10 3
2973 Laundry Day! 1.1441 0.04042 118 105 9 4
2974 Take off your prosthetic leg and it'll all work out 1.1441 0.03858 118 104 11 3
2975 I think I will get lots of attention. 1.1441 0.03246 118 101 17 0
2976 I thought I would put on these Christmas stockings and gift to the children from me. 1.1441 0.03858 118 104 11 3
2977 Be honest. How do I look in these fabulous boots I got on sale? 1.1441 0.03462 118 102 15 1
2978 We have to be pragmatic Mark, let's pray Santa brings you socks 1.1439 0.03250 132 114 17 1
2979 I can’t find my boots, so let’s use these 1.1439 0.03746 132 117 11 4
2980 OK. NOW you can set the thermostat at 60°. 1.1429 0.03775 112 98 12 2
2981 Deck the halls, slay the socks. 1.1429 0.04009 119 106 9 4
2982 I just don’t want him to ruin them on the way down. 1.1429 0.04527 84 74 8 2
2983 Why? What do YOU do with warm socks on a cold night? 1.1429 0.03828 119 105 11 3
2984 Which of these look best with my new leggings? 1.1429 0.04103 98 86 10 2
2985 Alright, alright. When my feet warm up I'll let you borrow one of mine. 1.1429 0.04103 98 86 10 2
2986 They were back ordered 1.1429 0.03828 119 105 11 3
2987 I was cold. 1.1429 0.03838 98 85 12 1
2988 What I really need are socks. So I figure, why not cut out the middle man? 1.1429 0.04006 91 79 11 1
2989 Burn a log or wear stockings? I choose stockings. 1.1429 0.03929 105 92 11 2
2990 You know this is Minnesota don't you? 1.1429 0.03929 105 92 11 2
2991 … Well, I can’t crush grapes with cold feet either! 1.1429 0.04198 84 73 10 1
2992 Sewer backed up. 1.1429 0.03431 105 90 15 0
2993 No, Jim, I think that hanging them is the re-use repurpose. 1.1429 0.03775 112 98 12 2
2994 What do you mean these aren't the kind you meant? 1.1429 0.03929 105 92 11 2
2995 Kanye has done it again.” 1.1429 0.04009 119 106 9 4
2996 Christmas is officially over when I get to wear my socks again. 1.1429 0.03327 126 109 16 1
2997 Think of me as your double-stuff cookie. 1.1429 0.03689 105 91 13 1
2998 Oh Marge,not you again. I was hoping for a candy cane this year. 1.1429 0.04351 98 87 8 3
2999 I think it’s a good fit for him. 1.1429 0.03929 105 92 11 2
3000 Sorry Hun, warm toes top ugly holiday stockings hanging from fireplace. 1.1429 0.03929 105 92 11 2
3001 I don't think Santa really cares. 1.1429 0.04103 98 86 10 2
3002 I'm Jewish - we're resourceful. 1.1429 0.03838 98 85 12 1
3003 My feet are the gift that keeps on giving - if you like aches and pains." 1.1429 0.04370 105 94 7 4
3004 I call them SUGGS and I am pitching them on Shark Tank. 1.1429 0.04156 105 93 9 3
3005 I'm bipartisan. I've got the right stuff. I've got the left stuff. You get the abstention. 1.1429 0.03431 105 90 15 0
3006 Why not? My feet are cold. 1.1429 0.03838 98 85 12 1
3007 Are you sure the left is first? 1.1429 0.03775 112 98 12 2
3008 This does not count as a present! First of all, they dont fit. Second, I do see 2 missing stockings. And 3rd, one has your name on it! 1.1429 0.04103 98 86 10 2
3009 I found a kit online to make your own wine for stocking stuffers 1.1429 0.04370 105 94 7 4
3010 I don’t think we’ll need any stocking stuffers this year. 1.1429 0.03553 98 84 14 0
3011 You were the one! " No more single-use! Reuse! Repurpose!" 1.1429 0.03689 105 91 13 1
3012 Just checking to see that the toes were emptied from last year before we hang them by the fireplace for the old gent to fill. 1.1429 0.03982 112 99 10 3
3013 Don't get any ideas. I am only stretching them back to shape before hanging them. 1.1429 0.04575 91 81 7 3
3014 These are so toasty. Feels like warm coals or something. 1.1429 0.03838 98 85 12 1
3015 Who didn't remove the candy cane before washing the fourth one? 1.1429 0.04587 98 88 6 4
3016 I want a divorce 1.1429 0.04575 105 95 5 5
3017 Santa Socks 1.1429 0.03689 105 91 13 1
3018 I just remembered, I need new socks for Christmas 1.1429 0.03435 119 103 15 1
3019 Let’s face it…at our age, nothing will ever be well-received in these” 1.1429 0.03689 105 91 13 1
3020 He asked for foot pics. I thought I’d go one better. 1.1429 0.04156 105 93 9 3
3021 She must be pregnant 1.1418 0.03426 141 124 14 3
3022 With what I spent on your present we can't afford to put the heating on. 1.1417 0.03486 127 111 14 2
3023 a ‘down to earth’ christmas, Marge… 1.1417 0.03797 120 106 11 3
3024 The Hallmark man would know how to start a fireplace fire and I wouldn't have to resort to extremes just to keep warm. 1.1417 0.03409 120 104 15 1
3025 Sweetheart, is this to make me feel better about my artificial limbs? 1.1417 0.03797 120 106 11 3
3026 At least my feet are warm and roasty. 1.1417 0.03608 120 105 13 2
3027 Guess what you’re getting this year. 1.1417 0.03608 120 105 13 2
3028 Maybe you'll get another one or Christmas 1.1417 0.03797 120 106 11 3
3029 What? My feet are cold and the kids are dead. 1.1417 0.03977 120 107 9 4
3030 Stockings up! 1.1417 0.03409 120 104 15 1
3031 No fire? No Christmas spirit. Plus, I cannot feel my toes. 1.1416 0.03526 113 98 14 1
3032 I’ve given myself completely to the children. 1.1416 0.04144 113 101 8 4
3033 Feels like someone put a piece of coal into this one. 1.1416 0.04144 113 101 8 4
3034 I just wanted to get a leg up on Christmas. 1.1416 0.03949 113 100 10 3
3035 I told you were out of socks 1.1416 0.03526 113 98 14 1
3036 Santa requested a custom on my OnlyFans. 1.1416 0.03743 113 99 12 2
3037 Sorry hon, I have to walk the dogs and can’t seem to find my boots 1.1416 0.03743 113 99 12 2
3038 All I want this year is for my athlete's foot to clear up. 1.1416 0.04144 113 101 8 4
3039 Is this your way of hinting about designer boots? 1.1415 0.03401 106 91 15 0
3040 We have to let Santa in, we are not lighting that fire log. 1.1415 0.03401 106 91 15 0
3041 I'd really prefer walking on air1 1.1415 0.04118 106 94 9 3
3042 You can do your own stocking, Phil. 1.1415 0.03401 106 91 15 0
3043 They're Christmas Stockings! 1.1415 0.03656 106 92 13 1
3044 Finders keepers! 1.1415 0.03401 106 91 15 0
3045 It would be four if you had kept the one your grandmother knitted. 1.1415 0.03656 106 92 13 1
3046 🎶 “these boots were made for walking” 🎶 “Nancy, let it go, it’s Christmas” 1.1415 0.03401 106 91 15 0
3047 I thought these usually came in pairs. 1.1415 0.03656 106 92 13 1
3048 It's called drip, apparently. 1.1415 0.03401 106 91 15 0
3049 Packed up my summer Birkenstocks and I’m bringing out the big guns for date night” #stockings 🔥🎄🎅 1.1415 0.04331 106 95 7 4
3050 You keep the thermostat too low and anyway, the kids have moved on. 1.1414 0.03801 99 86 12 1
3051 These stockings won't stuff themselves. 1.1414 0.04064 99 87 10 2
3052 Where are the Christmas garters? 1.1414 0.03801 99 86 12 1
3053 All these years with cold feet, and who knew... ? 1.1414 0.03801 99 86 12 1
3054 The stockings weren't hung by the chimney with care 1.1414 0.04064 99 87 10 2
3055 I have a run in my other ones 1.1414 0.04064 99 87 10 2
3056 My holistic doctor says coal is good for inflammation. 1.1414 0.03801 99 86 12 1
3057 Your options are cold feet, light the fire place, or a three-legged race with me. In each case I’m covered. 1.1413 0.04256 92 81 9 2
3058 Santa left these for me last year. I hope it's not too late to return them. 1.1413 0.05028 92 84 3 5
3059 I'm being good--I'm recycling. 1.1413 0.03652 92 79 13 0
3060 wait how did you get here first? 1.1413 0.03965 92 80 11 1
3061 I feel alive for the first time in years. 1.1412 0.04779 85 76 6 3
3062 I thought you'd be happy to find me in your stockings. 1.1406 0.03278 128 111 16 1
3063 Im not being greedy, I just want to keep up with inflation... 1.1405 0.03580 121 106 13 2
3064 In this recession let’s agree to give the gift of love. 1.1405 0.03580 121 106 13 2
3065 I uhm couldn’t find my shoes 1.1405 0.03946 121 108 9 4
3066 I want them to smell like feet for the children 1.1405 0.03946 121 108 9 4
3067 I can't believe this is the first disagreement we've had since last year! 1.1404 0.03712 114 100 12 2
3068 It's a little much, I know, since we're Jewish. 1.1404 0.03497 114 99 14 1
3069 Why doncha throw another log on there, Sparky? 1.1404 0.03712 114 100 12 2
3070 what do you think? it's itching though 1.1404 0.03712 114 100 12 2
3071 You're are officially off the hook... 1.1402 0.04292 107 96 7 4
3072 They're warm and sticky, just like you used to be. 1.1402 0.03860 107 94 11 2
3073 I've decided 'smell my feet' is no longer just a Halloween tradition. 1.1402 0.03860 107 94 11 2
3074 I just thought I'd super size it with this one. 1.1402 0.04082 107 95 9 3
3075 These stockings are made for walkin', and that's just what they'll do. 1.1402 0.03860 107 94 11 2
3076 If the shoe fits,hang it. 1.1402 0.03860 107 94 11 2
3077 You still believe in this guy? Grow up, Steven. 1.1402 0.03860 107 94 11 2
3078 You are supposed to want me.more than the gifts. 1.1402 0.04292 107 96 7 4
3079 It seems like a waste to just have them hanging there. 1.1402 0.04082 107 95 9 3
3080 Thanks for drying my socks by the fire. 1.1402 0.03372 107 92 15 0
3081 Hey! Those are for the kids. 1.1400 0.03766 100 87 12 1
3082 What? You said to really fill 'em up this year. 1.1400 0.04025 100 88 10 2
3083 It’s all I could afford after rent. 1.1400 0.03487 100 86 14 0
3084 Maybe, if you turned up the heat. 1.1400 0.03766 100 87 12 1
3085 These are so cozy, plus, he'll find a way. 1.1400 0.04269 100 89 8 3
3086 Honestly, Harold, I think Santa is going to see through this disguise. 1.1400 0.03766 100 87 12 1
3087 What? You said to fill it with a stocking stuffer. 1.1400 0.03487 100 86 14 0
3088 Don’t judge. You’ve been stocking in your sleep. 1.1400 0.04025 100 88 10 2
3089 Can we light the fireplace my feet are freezing. 1.1400 0.03766 100 87 12 1
3090 Santa, uh...finds a way. 1.1400 0.03766 100 87 12 1
3091 But, daring, what I really wanted was hooves. 1.1400 0.04269 100 89 8 3
3092 None of my socks had a pair again, that stupid washing machine. 1.1400 0.04269 100 89 8 3
3093 I saw this on a TikTok 1.1400 0.03766 100 87 12 1
3094 It's weird that one of them has your name on it, but thanks anyway. 1.1400 0.04025 100 88 10 2
3095 It's a new treatment for the holiday blues: sock therapy. 1.1398 0.04213 93 82 9 2
3096 Hey, I wanted to make sure I got my money's worth 1.1398 0.04213 93 82 9 2
3097 I specifically asked you to pack the lighter, Richard. Of course you only get the one stocking. 1.1398 0.04481 93 83 7 3
3098 HEY!! Winter is here and It's cold outside. 1.1395 0.03435 129 113 14 2
3099 Just making do until my new house slippers arrive! 1.1395 0.04106 86 75 10 1
3100 I wanted two kids and you said, “No.” 1.1395 0.04726 86 77 6 3
3101 These are more comfortable than the boots you bought me. 1.1395 0.04106 86 75 10 1
3102 I think I’ve solved the cold-feet-in-bed problem. 1.1395 0.04106 86 75 10 1
3103 I’ll hang them on my feet with care” 1.1393 0.03738 122 108 11 3
3104 Guess you are out of luck. There’s only three hooks 1.1393 0.04085 122 110 7 5
3105 They’re marketed as functional and decorative, with more room for goodies after they’re broken in. 1.1391 0.03682 115 101 12 2
3106 Coal from Santa could be a good thing! 1.1391 0.04258 115 104 6 5
3107 I might be a bit cynical, but do you really think me putting these on and prancing around the house is going to lift our spirits? 1.1391 0.04075 115 103 8 4
3108 Santa did bring four but the reindeer took one to give to Rudolph to show him they love him and want him to go down in history 1.1391 0.03884 115 102 10 3
3109 This is what the kids are wearing these days 1.1391 0.03469 115 100 14 1
3110 Stretching them out so they fit…all the presents 1.1391 0.03682 115 101 12 2
3111 No tree, no presents, but at least they will still find something stuffed in their stockings... 1.1389 0.03593 108 94 13 1
3112 Whatever stocking stuffer stuff I might have gotten can't match a month of warm feet. 1.1389 0.03593 108 94 13 1
3113 where's your other stocking? 1.1389 0.04046 108 96 9 3
3114 I wonder how Santa knew the boiler would break down tonight? 1.1389 0.03593 108 94 13 1
3115 I don’t know…..the spirit just came over me”. 1.1389 0.03826 108 95 11 2
3116 i know global warming is a problem, but it's so cold in the house when you don't light the fireplace... 1.1389 0.03593 108 94 13 1
3117 Inflation has gotten pretty bad. 1.1389 0.03826 108 95 11 2
3118 Tell little Benjamin I’ve just stepped out to get cigarettes. 1.1389 0.04046 108 96 9 3
3119 You should’ve felt how cold my mistle-toes were! 1.1389 0.03593 108 94 13 1
3120 They don't know what coal is, so I'm improvising. 1.1387 0.03762 137 123 9 5
3121 Mrs. Claus said these were all the rage up north! 1.1387 0.03140 137 119 17 1
3122 These ARE my stocking stuffers; cheaper than turning up the heat. 1.1386 0.03731 101 88 12 1
3123 Does this mean I don’t have to buy you a gift? 1.1386 0.03731 101 88 12 1
3124 It's a wet snow out there, and we're out of empty Wonder Bread bags. 1.1386 0.03988 101 89 10 2
3125 I’m trying to lessen my carbon footprint No coal in these stocking ! 1.1386 0.03988 101 89 10 2
3126 Please don't put it on where you did last year.....not funny.... 1.1386 0.03988 101 89 10 2
3127 They're fleece. 1.1386 0.03731 101 88 12 1
3128 I have another pair just like them. 1.1386 0.03731 101 88 12 1
3129 It’s always “The cobbler’s children” but what about Santa’s kids? What about them? 1.1386 0.03988 101 89 10 2
3130 Sorry hon, I think I squished your M & M’s. 1.1386 0.04229 101 90 8 3
3131 What, Carl? Times are tight. Gotta stuff ‘em with something. 1.1383 0.04687 94 85 5 4
3132 It'd be so much easier to just warm my ice cold feet on your back 1.1383 0.04170 94 83 9 2
3133 A carbon neutral Christmas has its drawbacks. 1.1382 0.03885 123 110 9 4
3134 …then you put your right foot in the snowman and your left in the presents for the Holiday 3-legged Race! 1.1382 0.03710 123 109 11 3
3135 Heating the house is too expensive this month. 1.1382 0.03710 123 109 11 3
3136 It’s the only thing that helps my Raynaud's 1.1379 0.03652 116 102 12 2
3137 nan 1.1379 0.04062 87 76 10 1
3138 Sorry, but I told you we should have had another child. 1.1379 0.04223 116 105 6 5
3139 Well, my toes are coald. 1.1379 0.03441 116 101 14 1
3140 Tadhaa… your gift arrived dear. 1.1379 0.03441 116 101 14 1
3141 Santa’s cookies were especially good this year 1.1379 0.04379 87 77 8 2
3142 I wear'em for a while then sell them on the internet. 1.1376 0.03793 109 96 11 2
3143 No, they are not ski boots 1.1376 0.03562 109 95 13 1
3144 You still have one leg to stand on." 1.1376 0.03562 109 95 13 1
3145 Is Santa going to stuff you or the stockings? 1.1376 0.03562 109 95 13 1
3146 You're the man. You figure it out. 1.1376 0.04011 109 97 9 3
3147 I'm out of stockings. 1.1376 0.03793 109 96 11 2
3148 The real reason I didn’t personalize them. 1.1376 0.03315 109 94 15 0
3149 They’re from my mother, shoe-socks. 1.1373 0.03697 102 89 12 1
3150 In hindsight, I should have paid more attention when my then-girlfriend started getting cold feet about moving in together! 1.1373 0.03951 102 90 10 2
3151 I’m not living with cold feet just because our daughter won’t let us light the fire until after Christmas “just in case.” 1.1373 0.03424 102 88 14 0
3152 These are the only things going in these stockings until the heating bill is paid! 1.1373 0.03424 102 88 14 0
3153 These will fit the Jimmy Choos I showed you. 1.1373 0.04415 102 92 6 4
3154 It was only a matter of time until fast fashion consumed Christmas 1.1373 0.03697 102 89 12 1
3155 Stuff it Todd. 1.1373 0.04189 102 91 8 3
3156 What? Couldn’t find my leg warmers! 1.1373 0.03697 102 89 12 1
3157 it seems a shame to waste them, now that Christmas is over 1.1371 0.03855 124 111 9 4
3158 Feeling sexy for the holiday, I'm your Ho! Ho! Ho! 1.1371 0.03681 124 110 11 3
3159 Quit stalking me 1.1368 0.03848 95 83 11 1
3160 It’s your parents, that I have to walk on eggshells. 1.1368 0.04639 95 86 5 4
3161 I asked Santa for new feet. 1.1368 0.03413 117 102 14 1
3162 With all this inflation, we gotta use what we've got 1.1368 0.03413 117 102 14 1
3163 This stretches them out so they can fit more presents. Capishe? 1.1368 0.04009 117 105 8 4
3164 Fine, but only your second favorite fetish! 1.1368 0.03623 117 103 12 2
3165 Awh! It’s like walking on nutshells. 1.1368 0.03413 117 102 14 1
3166 I see you've given Santa the boot. 1.1364 0.03532 110 96 13 1
3167 I bought the kids some Lego sets. 1.1364 0.03760 110 97 11 2
3168 So this is what's meant by stocking-stuffers. 1.1364 0.04331 88 78 8 2
3169 Those are meant for me, as you can see the one that's left is for my middle so called, "foot"! 1.1364 0.03760 110 97 11 2
3170 The coal helps keep my toes fresh 1.1364 0.04181 110 99 7 4
3171 Is the left one supposed to be chocolaty? 1.1364 0.03760 110 97 11 2
3172 If the boots fit you must re-gift 1.1364 0.04019 88 77 10 1
3173 I can't find my Ugg Boots. 1.1364 0.03976 110 98 9 3
3174 Forget being nice. Naughty got us these artisanal coal toe warmers! 1.1364 0.03760 110 97 11 2
3175 Sorry, there is a cold draft 1.1364 0.03760 110 97 11 2
3176 Forgot again a present for me? 1.1364 0.03760 110 97 11 2
3177 I get this is our first Christmas together, but really Karen? 1.1364 0.03760 110 97 11 2
3178 … in THIS economy? 1.1364 0.03760 110 97 11 2
3179 I couldn’t think of what to get Quentin, and then it hit me! 1.1364 0.03532 110 96 13 1
3180 Thanks, dear, my feet were cold! 1.1360 0.03281 125 109 15 1
3181 Chris, I know it’s January, but we can still use the socks. 1.1360 0.03653 125 111 11 3
3182 The third stocking is right here, Todd. 1.1360 0.03653 125 111 11 3
3183 I swear, am not taking these thing off if he is going to put something in them that I don't want. 1.1359 0.04374 103 93 6 4
3184 I put fire ants in one. 1.1359 0.03914 103 91 10 2
3185 We need to get creative in this economy. 1.1359 0.03914 103 91 10 2
3186 I‘m starting a new fad - Ugly Christmas Stockings. 1.1359 0.03914 103 91 10 2
3187 I call them my "Christmas leggings." 1.1359 0.03663 103 90 12 1
3188 These are nice'n'warm. I'd rather wear them than put 'em up there this year! 1.1359 0.04150 103 92 8 3
3189 You said that we should make this a re-purposeful Christmas. 1.1359 0.03393 103 89 14 0
3190 Se me enfriaron los piececitos! 1.1359 0.03393 103 89 14 0
3191 It’s called fashion. Look it up. 1.1359 0.03663 103 90 12 1
3192 I don't want to get my fuzzy socks dirty 1.1359 0.03914 103 91 10 2
3193 Honey, would it be in the Christmas spirit to up the thermostat to slightly above freezing? 1.1356 0.03790 118 105 10 3
3194 Do they came in a larger size? 1.1356 0.03594 118 104 12 2
3195 Well, what are you wearing while roasting chestnuts? 1.1356 0.03790 118 105 10 3
3196 Please remember to pay the heating bill next month. 1.1354 0.04088 96 85 9 2
3197 Santa ain't comin' and my feet are cold. 1.1354 0.04088 96 85 9 2
3198 So now you remember the boots I asked you for in October. 1.1354 0.03810 96 84 11 1
3199 Hey, they're great around the house. 1.1354 0.03511 96 83 13 0
3200 In this economy, turns out those lumps of coal will come in handy after all, huh, Peter? 1.1354 0.04088 96 85 9 2
3201 Because, dear, you got me the wrong size again.” 1.1351 0.03728 111 98 11 2
3202 Three lumps of coal would help ease the heating bill. 1.1351 0.03260 111 96 15 0
3203 All I could afford for your stocking stuffers was me. 1.1351 0.03728 111 98 11 2
3204 Your stocking stuffer will have hair on it this Christmas, dear. 1.1351 0.03728 111 98 11 2
3205 My feet were cold because you didn't light the fire! Is this a partnership or what? (Dumbass!) 1.1351 0.03728 111 98 11 2
3206 She was worried her kids were too materialistic. I was worried about athlete's foot. A partnership was born. 1.1351 0.03728 111 98 11 2
3207 well as the saying goes, "if the shoe fits, wear it". 1.1351 0.03942 111 99 9 3
3208 Damnit Carol, we go through this every year! You’re not getting the kids stocking stuffers. 1.1351 0.03728 111 98 11 2
3209 Well, I guess it’s better than coal. 1.1351 0.03260 111 96 15 0
3210 As the song says, "these boots are made for walking. . . " 1.1349 0.03626 126 112 11 3
3211 In my country, we wear these on our feet. 1.1348 0.04285 89 79 8 2
3212 Well, it does give new meaning to holiday socks. 1.1348 0.04285 89 79 8 2
3213 The judge said: "if the socks fit, I must acquit" 1.1348 0.03976 89 78 10 1
3214 I want to tell my girlfriends you bought me stockings for Christmas. 1.1348 0.04285 89 79 8 2
3215 I’m just making sure they’re anatomically correct 1.1348 0.04285 89 79 8 2
3216 Ooo, crunchy" 1.1346 0.03630 104 91 12 1
3217 With this economy, these now have a more realistic purpose. 1.1346 0.03363 104 90 14 0
3218 Who would say that these decorations from the dollar store are cozier than the cutting-edge-over-expensive socks you gave for Thanksgiving 1.1346 0.04333 104 94 6 4
3219 Since we are both out of work and there will be nothing in them anyway..... 1.1346 0.03630 104 91 12 1
3220 Just what I always wanted. 1.1346 0.03879 104 92 10 2
3221 I'm just spreading holiday fun-gus. 1.1346 0.03879 104 92 10 2
3222 Now that the kids are gone it is time to repurpose these… 1.1346 0.03630 104 91 12 1
3223 Looks like you're out of luck, honey. 1.1346 0.03879 104 92 10 2
3224 Why of course I will hang them by the fireplace with care! 1.1346 0.03879 104 92 10 2
3225 If you don't like my new method, then YOU stuff them this year. 1.1346 0.03630 104 91 12 1
3226 It’s me, hi, I’m the present, it’s me. 1.1346 0.03879 104 92 10 2
3227 I’m gonna sing this motherf%*+#er in my stocking feet! 1.1345 0.03360 119 104 14 1
3228 I’m wearing them until you turn on the heat 1.1341 0.04512 82 73 7 2
3229 When all else fails on a winter hike with Joerg, thé pub décorations work. 1.1340 0.04305 97 87 7 3
3230 Well, last year I asked Santa for Uggs 1.1340 0.04048 97 86 9 2
3231 The stockings go back on the mantel web the thermostat goes up. 1.1340 0.04305 97 87 7 3
3232 Oh come on. Stuff it. 1.1340 0.03773 97 85 11 1
3233 This year I'm gifting you my two feet since yours don't seem to fit in your mouth. 1.1340 0.04305 97 87 7 3
3234 Now you can cross slippers of the list. Everybody wins. 1.1339 0.03697 112 99 11 2
3235 Please, no fire in the fireplace. 1.1339 0.03697 112 99 11 2
3236 It just seemed like such a waste... 1.1339 0.04109 112 101 7 4
3237 People with foot fetishes would like to receive these stockings. 1.1339 0.03473 112 98 13 1
3238 No, I'm not 'cheap', I'm 'frugal'" 1.1339 0.03233 112 97 15 0
3239 The other one burned up. I told you the tradition was “coals”, not “hot coals” 1.1339 0.03908 112 100 9 3
3240 I saw Chevy Chase did this during Christmas 1.1339 0.03697 112 99 11 2
3241 Maybe you don’t mind getting coal dust all over these nice new sweaters, Jeffrey, but me, I’m not risking it. 1.1339 0.03473 112 98 13 1
3242 That's no way to treat my mother's gift to us. 1.1339 0.03599 127 113 11 3
3243 Because I'M a gift, that's why!" Andy Mathieson, Los Angeles, Cali 1.1333 0.04240 90 80 8 2
3244 Don't worry. I'll grow into them. 1.1333 0.03844 105 93 10 2
3245 These are great stocking stuffers. 1.1333 0.04294 105 95 6 4
3246 You think that lump of coal was funny? How about I take your stocking for a walk in the mud? 1.1333 0.03537 120 106 12 2
3247 Since you forgot about my stocking last year, I decided to give you a little hint. 1.1333 0.03730 120 107 10 3
3248 Shouldn't it be, "The stockings were hanged by the chimney with care?" 1.1333 0.03333 105 91 14 0
3249 Do you know what else comes in stockings. 1.1333 0.03935 90 79 10 1
3250 You never hang my Memorial Day stockings by the fire. 1.1333 0.04075 105 94 8 3
3251 Laundry day is tomorrow. 1.1333 0.03603 90 78 12 0
3252 ‘Last year you moaned so much about what you got, so this year, I am the stocking filler’ 1.1333 0.04240 90 80 8 2
3253 What? You know I asked for new socks this year. 1.1333 0.03935 90 79 10 1
3254 Sweets, treats and stinky feet. That's MY family tradition! 1.1333 0.03935 90 79 10 1
3255 If you had agreed to the second kid, you would also have Christmas slippers. 1.1333 0.04075 105 94 8 3
3256 I'd rather wear them than have you fill them with Ozempic again. 1.1333 0.03844 105 93 10 2
3257 The bootstraps weren't working. 1.1333 0.04075 105 94 8 3
3258 They WERE. But the fireplace IS only decorative. 1.1333 0.03935 90 79 10 1
3259 Ms Santa doesn't want to stir the mouse. 1.1328 0.03740 128 115 9 4
3260 They're more comfortable than you'd think! 1.1327 0.03206 113 98 15 0
3261 You’re the one who keeps turning the thermostat down. So you’re the one who should hop around 1.1327 0.03444 113 99 13 1
3262 Dorine that's not what stockings are for! 1.1327 0.03876 113 101 9 3
3263 He's coming. Oh shit. Down the chimney. SHIT. Of course he's real. But not in the way you're thinking. Have you seen A Quiet Place? With Jim from The Office, yeah. So it's like that. Actually, Jim directed th-- NOO I FORGOT THE FIRST RULE OF QUIET PL 1.1327 0.04074 113 102 7 4
3264 Kind of ran out of stocking stuffers ideas”. 1.1327 0.03206 113 98 15 0
3265 It’s not like shoes: if you can fit into them, they’re too SMALL! 1.1327 0.03876 113 101 9 3
3266 Did you just call me a stocking stuffer? 1.1327 0.03876 113 101 9 3
3267 What, you think I’m leaving these babies for Santa! 1.1327 0.03666 113 100 11 2
3268 Santa's got a stocking exchange program this year. One more stocking and you could have joined me in Tahiti. 1.1327 0.04074 113 102 7 4
3269 I'm not looking for small. 1.1327 0.03737 98 86 11 1
3270 These socks are more useful than anything I ever get in them. 1.1327 0.03444 98 85 13 0
3271 Decided to fill them myself. 1.1327 0.03444 98 85 13 0
3272 Better than hot chocolate. I can feel it in my toes. 1.1327 0.03737 98 86 11 1
3273 I wish they came with rubber bottoms. 1.1327 0.03737 98 86 11 1
3274 We can't buy gifts so I may as well wear them. 1.1327 0.03737 98 86 11 1
3275 The ones on Amazon were out of stock. 1.1327 0.04009 98 87 9 2
3276 Let's go dancing at the Holiday Market. Whadaya think? 1.1327 0.04009 98 87 9 2
3277 Sorry, hon, I didn’t realize they were yours! 1.1327 0.04009 98 87 9 2
3278 You wanted a functional, meaningful and unique gift. 1.1327 0.04263 98 88 7 3
3279 Next time, we pay the energy bill on time 1.1327 0.03737 98 86 11 1
3280 You snooze, you lose…. 1.1327 0.04263 98 88 7 3
3281 Not only is there a funny burning smell in the chimney, but the kids haven't received their presents yet 1.1321 0.04038 106 95 8 3
3282 Screw Santa — my feet are freezing. 1.1321 0.03809 106 94 10 2
3283 The most useless holiday decoration is mom’s stocking so I might as well put it to use and drag you in with me.” 1.1321 0.03809 106 94 10 2
3284 Are you not happy with your gifts, Honey? 1.1321 0.03304 106 92 14 0
3285 Reducing my carbon footprint by not burning the yule logs this year. 1.1319 0.04196 91 81 8 2
3286 You had your chance, sweetie. Now, it's all mine. 1.1319 0.04196 91 81 8 2
3287 I'm done waiting for you to think it's cold enough for a fire, Bob. 1.1319 0.04477 91 82 6 3
3288 Looks like the stocking upgrade was quite literal this year! 1.1316 0.03636 114 101 11 2
3289 Remember from therapy? “Love recognizes no barriers!” 1.1313 0.03970 99 88 9 2
3290 Simon, the therapist suggested that stockings might help us add some spice to our marriage! 1.1313 0.03970 99 88 9 2
3291 Didn’t you say you have athlete’s foot? 1.1313 0.04222 99 89 7 3
3292 My point is: This is why we should call them socks. 1.1313 0.03412 99 86 13 0
3293 The kids are asleep. I’m putting your special gift into these socks. You naughty boy! 1.1313 0.04222 99 89 7 3
3294 Honey, are you sure you are up for this? Global Warming, Covid, can you blame him? I sure wouldn't want to be in his shoes. 1.1313 0.03970 99 88 9 2
3295 Perfect fit...for someone with two left feet! 1.1313 0.03970 99 88 9 2
3296 Gotta help bring the groceries in 1.1313 0.03970 99 88 9 2
3297 with inflation this year i figured we could repurpose them 🤷🏻‍♀️ 1.1313 0.04222 99 89 7 3
3298 Think bigger: Tesla, winter coat from Bergdorf's, Prada handbag, you get the picture. 1.1308 0.03534 107 94 12 1
3299 If you are the secret Santa for Rex Ryan why am I wearing them? 1.1308 0.03275 107 93 14 0
3300 Hey, I think I feel coal. 1.1308 0.03534 107 94 12 1
3301 How to tell your spouse you’re leaving through stockings. 1.1308 0.03776 107 95 10 2
3302 Where I come from, we don’t believe in waste. 1.1308 0.04002 107 96 8 3
3303 Now, if you give me a baby, you could have two too. 1.1308 0.03275 107 93 14 0
3304 You may have noticed that there’s a third snowshoe. 1.1308 0.03776 107 95 10 2
3305 You make me want to puke. 1.1308 0.03776 107 95 10 2
3306 Since I do all the work around here I am hanging both shoes. 1.1308 0.04217 107 97 6 4
3307 Stocking stuffers? 1.1308 0.03534 107 94 12 1
3308 Maybe if mine is the only one hanging it will actually get filled 1.1308 0.03776 107 95 10 2
3309 Sorry moneybags, budget’s too tight to not use perfectly good stockings 1.1308 0.03776 107 95 10 2
3310 Killing two birds with one stone. Making sure that Santa leaves the piece of coal you deserve in the appropriate stocking, and protesting your no-shoes-in-the-house rule! 1.1304 0.03854 92 81 10 1
3311 Well, you said you wanted me in stockings for Christmas. 1.1304 0.04152 92 82 8 2
3312 I am my best present to myself. 1.1304 0.03854 92 81 10 1
3313 Husband: “I said I like fishnet stockings, not those stockings.” 1.1304 0.03854 92 81 10 1
3314 Be sure to wear them while you eat the gingerbread house. 1.1304 0.03854 92 81 10 1
3315 If only we could have had more children like I wanted to….. 1.1304 0.03530 92 80 12 0
3316 Big Guy forgot to run the dryer. 1.1304 0.04152 92 82 8 2
3317 They'll be getting toenail fungus instead of charcoal. 1.1304 0.04431 92 83 6 3
3318 Apparently this is the only way MY stocking gets filled, Dave. 1.1304 0.03530 92 80 12 0
3319 We should just put them on and say it’s a family tradition. ‘Merry Recession…I mean, Christmas!’ 1.1304 0.04693 92 84 4 4
3320 They go perfectly with my clogs 1.1304 0.03606 115 102 11 2
3321 What? I thought you had a kink. 1.1304 0.03387 115 101 13 1
3322 It’s ok, not every man can start a fire. At least you got me these large, empty stockings for Christmas. 1.1304 0.04152 92 82 8 2
3323 When I said pull-ups, I was trying to tell you that I'm pregnant. 1.1300 0.04181 100 90 7 3
3324 Since the kids moved out we can finally put these to good use! 1.1300 0.03380 100 87 13 0
3325 You always take the extra one 1.1300 0.03933 100 89 9 2
3326 Santa’s not going to beat my stocking stuffers this year! 1.1300 0.03380 100 87 13 0
3327 Hung by the chimney with care?” Not in this economy 1.1300 0.03667 100 88 11 1
3328 Yeah, but you can put that one on your head. 1.1296 0.03742 108 96 10 2
3329 ...and whoever loses at 'musical stockings' gets one mandarin and a bone saw! 1.1296 0.04179 108 98 6 4
3330 Didn’t you ask for toe jam? 1.1296 0.03504 108 95 12 1
3331 Quick! Help me get the other one on! 1.1296 0.03967 108 97 8 3
3332 Better than barefoot shoes and will help your plantar fasciitis! 1.1296 0.03504 108 95 12 1
3333 Don't just stand there! Pass me Caesar's crown! 1.1296 0.03967 108 97 8 3
3334 Well you did say if the shoe fits, wear it 1.1293 0.03129 116 101 15 0
3335 Well, in this economy… 1.1293 0.03129 116 101 15 0
3336 I'm sure Santa won't come this year. I might as well get some use out of these. 1.1290 0.03815 93 82 10 1
3337 Standing on your own two feet is certainly a gift to me, but little Tommy's more into Pokémon cards. 1.1290 0.04110 93 83 8 2
3338 Cold feet, warm fart. 1.1290 0.03815 93 82 10 1
3339 It’s too bad there’s only one stocking left for you, but you’re the one who didn’t want another kid. 1.1290 0.04385 93 84 6 3
3340 Dear, Santa fills the stockings, not you. 1.1290 0.04110 93 83 8 2
3341 I promise. No more tap dancing. 1.1287 0.03349 101 88 13 0
3342 You always send you had a third leg, put it on that. 1.1287 0.03632 101 89 11 1
3343 Until you’re willing to turn up the thermostat, toe jam will be your stocking stuffer. 1.1287 0.04142 101 91 7 3
3344 I guess you can wear the other one. 1.1287 0.04374 101 92 5 4
3345 Yes, I'll sock it to me. 1.1287 0.03896 101 90 9 2
3346 Mismatching stockings are the #7 Christmas fashion tip on Tiktok. 1.1287 0.04374 101 92 5 4
3347 WHY? My feet were cold! 1.1287 0.03896 101 90 9 2
3348 Bah humbug! A burlap sack would be better. 1.1287 0.03896 101 90 9 2
3349 They will NEVER know 1.1287 0.03349 101 88 13 0
3350 Well, someone has to take the trash out 1.1287 0.03632 101 89 11 1
3351 I will not let the Sock Fairy nick this one 1.1287 0.03896 101 90 9 2
3352 Perfect, now we can actually light the fireplace. 1.1287 0.04374 101 92 5 4
3353 Could not have asked for a better present 1.1284 0.03932 109 98 8 3
3354 They're not empty, they're Christmas stockings. See, all warm and fuzzy? They're great. And I got one for you, too. 1.1284 0.03710 109 97 10 2
3355 For my first number Santa Baby. 1.1284 0.03932 109 98 8 3
3356 I guess you'll have to hop on one foot. 1.1284 0.03932 109 98 8 3
3357 But I am filling your Xmas stocking, Honey. With my precious toe jelly,Sweetie. Your side chick called , and informed me, on how much you love sucking her toes! 1.1284 0.03932 109 98 8 3
3358 I always wanted to be a stocking present. 1.1284 0.03473 109 96 12 1
3359 Stocking stuff-her 1.1284 0.03473 109 96 12 1
3360 Well, until he gets here, he's giving me the gift of warmth. 1.1284 0.03710 109 97 10 2
3361 It’s the only way I can get Mittens to play with me. 1.1284 0.03473 109 96 12 1
3362 Here’s to another year of rewarding your foot fetish, Merry Christmas hon! 1.1284 0.03473 109 96 12 1
3363 Can you check if there's any snakes in my boot? 1.1282 0.03749 117 105 9 3
3364 If, next year, our daughter presents me with a pair of socks for Father's Day, there's no need for you to take off yours. 1.1282 0.03333 117 103 13 1
3365 Before you say anything... The kids say this is fire emoji. 1.1282 0.03333 117 103 13 1
3366 My holiday spirit is getting off on the left foot. 1.1279 0.03623 86 75 11 0
3367 Prices went up again… it’s time to redesign stocking stuffers. 1.1279 0.03623 86 75 11 0
3368 No! I haven't seen the egg nog. Why do you ask? 1.1279 0.04312 86 77 7 2
3369 Well Howard...I'm increasing our potential earning power by expanding our markets. And you? 1.1279 0.04312 86 77 7 2
3370 Thanks for the hot cocoa. But I really can't stay. New Hampshire wants to do 15 days 1.1279 0.04312 86 77 7 2
3371 I said Ugg’s, not Stuggs! 1.1279 0.03982 86 76 9 1
3372 I'm feeling gifted today. 1.1277 0.03777 94 83 10 1
3373 The fireplace is fake. He'll have to use the fire escape 1.1277 0.03777 94 83 10 1
3374 It was just an impulse. I thought I saw a mouse in the kitchen. 1.1277 0.03777 94 83 10 1
3375 It wasn’t my idea to tell them you were half catholic.” 1.1277 0.03460 94 82 12 0
3376 New! Ugly Christmas sweater Uggs 1.1277 0.03777 94 83 10 1
3377 At least everyone will wish you "Hoppy Holidays." 1.1277 0.03460 94 82 12 0
3378 What? You turned off the gas logs "for Santa" and my feet got cold. 1.1277 0.03777 94 83 10 1
3379 I’m granting you a humanitarian pause to go to the bathroom.” 1.1277 0.04340 94 85 6 3
3380 Looks like we’re gonna have to amputate a leg… 1.1277 0.03460 94 82 12 0
3381 Weird, mine doesn’t fit. 1.1277 0.03777 94 83 10 1
3382 Fishing lures? 1.1275 0.03599 102 90 11 1
3383 "I'll consider these a Hanukkah gift." 1.1275 0.04103 102 92 7 3
3384 “I know we said no gifts this year, but this in hopes that you might again stare.” 1.1275 0.03318 102 89 13 0
3385 I always wondered if these Christmas stockings would make my feet look fat. 1.1275 0.03599 102 90 11 1
3386 Finally, a gift that really knocks my socks off... and onto my feet! 1.1275 0.04103 102 92 7 3
3387 Feel free to stuff yours with whatever body party you want. 1.1275 0.03859 102 91 9 2
3388 Well, maybe our definitions of compressions socks differ. 1.1275 0.03859 102 91 9 2
3389 Have you seen the price of socks lately? 1.1275 0.03318 102 89 13 0
3390 You did say that all you want for Christmas is me. 1.1275 0.03599 102 90 11 1
3391 I haven’t done the laundry yet 1.1275 0.04103 102 92 7 3
3392 Have you seen our heating bill? That log's got to spread Yule tidings until December 26th. 1.1275 0.03859 102 91 9 2
3393 Okay, don't judge me. I didn't have any clean socks. 1.1275 0.03859 102 91 9 2
3394 I don't think that would be Santa's version of "Fill your boots!" 1.1273 0.03444 110 97 12 1
3395 I decided I'd be home for Christmas, but you won't be. 1.1273 0.03898 110 99 8 3
3396 What ? its cold outside 1.1273 0.03898 110 99 8 3
3397 That's one way to eliminate coal. 1.1273 0.03678 110 98 10 2
3398 Stocking stuffer doesn't mean your pants. 1.1273 0.04106 110 100 6 4
3399 Do you like my new Balenciaga’s? 1.1273 0.04106 110 100 6 4
3400 C’mon! Those were supposed to be hung with care! With care! 1.1273 0.04106 110 100 6 4
3401 It's no use trying. 1.1271 0.03306 118 104 13 1
3402 Looks like we need some more firewood 1.1271 0.03306 118 104 13 1
3403 And thanks for the memories! 1.1264 0.03939 87 77 9 1
3404 I’m all you and the kid are getting for Christmas this year. 1.1264 0.04265 87 78 7 2
3405 These DO need to get some use this Christmas. 1.1264 0.04265 87 78 7 2
3406 Ta-da! This year I'm the only present...we can afford 1.1264 0.04265 87 78 7 2
3407 I’m freezing, it’s 70 degrees in here. 1.1264 0.04265 87 78 7 2
3408 If you've been a good boy, maybe Santa will leave you a pair of socks in your stocking. 1.1263 0.03739 95 84 10 1
3409 This way we reduce the number of unaffordable gifts he gives by two thirds 1.1263 0.03426 95 83 12 0
3410 It helps the toe fungus. 1.1263 0.04027 95 85 8 2
3411 See, that's why I need two. 1.1263 0.04027 95 85 8 2
3412 If you refuse to the thermostat up 1-degree, I have no choice. 1.1263 0.03739 95 84 10 1
3413 I really didn't feel like doing any Christmas shopping this year. 1.1263 0.04027 95 85 8 2
3414 I think I heard the cat throw up again. 1.1263 0.04550 95 87 4 4
3415 I’ll be your ho in the bedroom, times three.” 1.1262 0.03566 103 91 11 1
3416 Ok I will light the fire 1.1262 0.04293 103 94 5 4
3417 Just going to wear them as a reminder about that trip to Paris I was hoping for. 1.1262 0.03824 103 92 9 2
3418 Jones' Christmas Party tonight! Gotha bring our A game.. What are you wearing? 1.1262 0.03288 103 90 13 0
3419 Do you think Santa will remember me from last year ? 1.1262 0.03824 103 92 9 2
3420 Why are you looking at me like that? You said get ready for the party! I’m putting my Christmas stockings on. 1.1262 0.03824 103 92 9 2
3421 Just because I have cold feet doesn 1.1262 0.03566 103 91 11 1
3422 Why are you staring, go grab your pair by the fire Joe 1.1262 0.03566 103 91 11 1
3423 Awww the perfect stocking stuffer. 1.1262 0.03824 103 92 9 2
3424 What? These are my “taking the dogs out to go potty” shoes 1.1262 0.04065 103 93 7 3
3425 This year I'm grinding your coal down to a powder. 1.1261 0.03414 111 98 12 1
3426 We're going to put Stilton cheese in them anyway so what's the difference? 1.1261 0.03864 111 100 8 3
3427 The power might be out for a while! These are warm. 1.1261 0.03646 111 99 10 2
3428 Our washing machine is broken. 1.1261 0.03646 111 99 10 2
3429 You should put on the scarf. 1.1261 0.03646 111 99 10 2
3430 I’ve filled all my stockings. Please don’t be a jerk! 1.1261 0.03491 119 106 11 2
3431 Stockings to you; boots to me. 1.1261 0.03491 119 106 11 2
3432 see, I told you we weren’t Santa 1.1261 0.03055 119 104 15 0
3433 The capitalists have won. 1.1250 0.03897 88 78 9 1
3434 I thought I could combine the spirit of American pragmatism with....ok, I'll put them back. 1.1250 0.03534 104 92 11 1
3435 Well, you're the one that ordered takeout! 1.1250 0.03463 120 107 11 2
3436 Yes Barney, I took my meds. Santa gave them to me and told me to meet him outside for a snowball fight. 1.1250 0.03702 96 85 10 1
3437 We have to make the best with what we have… I spent our entire family budget on Christmas decorations. 1.1250 0.04253 96 87 6 3
3438 The stockings were hung by the chimney with not enough care Then used as apparel so our feet don’t go bare. -Taylor S. Boston, Massachusetts 1.1250 0.03987 96 86 8 2
3439 Doesn't the song say chestnuts nipping between my toes? 1.1250 0.03386 112 99 12 1
3440 Well, the city banned wood burning! 1.1250 0.03393 96 84 12 0
3441 With the advent of Prime-Delivery, I found a better use for these things. 1.1250 0.03702 96 85 10 1
3442 What? You said we can't have a fire and my feet are cold! 1.1250 0.03386 112 99 12 1
3443 Squished candy tastes better. 1.1250 0.03534 104 92 11 1
3444 You can put the last one over your head for not starting the fire. 1.1250 0.03789 104 93 9 2
3445 Mom needs help with the groceries 1.1250 0.03254 120 106 13 1
3446 No, I'm not being unsentimental. I'm just being practical and repurposing since the kids moved away." 1.1250 0.03789 104 93 9 2
3447 These will do fine, because they're still warm from last night. 1.1250 0.04027 104 94 7 3
3448 I want Santa to touch my feet. 1.1250 0.03987 96 86 8 2
3449 ‘Guess what I found in these, this morning. It was me, preparing to go to work during the festive rush back to the office!’ 1.1250 0.03534 104 92 11 1
3450 Why don't you do the laundry? 1.1250 0.03702 96 85 10 1
3451 Today is laundry day and you know what that means. 1.1250 0.03789 104 93 9 2
3452 Ho ho ho, Santa has to find me! 1.1250 0.03987 96 86 8 2
3453 Sorry,but my feet are cold. 1.1250 0.03721 80 70 10 0
3454 I'm rediscovering the true meaning of stockings. 1.1250 0.03386 112 99 12 1
3455 A rotten apple, left by Santa just squished, now, my foot covered in applesauce 1.1250 0.03897 88 78 9 1
3456 I just broke them in. 1.1250 0.03254 120 106 13 1
3457 You roast chestnuts. I'm toasting my feet. 1.1250 0.03546 88 77 11 0
3458 They are not waterproof. 1.1250 0.03789 104 93 9 2
3459 Ew, gross, you got them all sweaty. 1.1250 0.03259 104 91 13 0
3460 By the chimney with care" doesn't mean forever 1.1250 0.03702 96 85 10 1
3461 You forgot to clear your history,pervert 1.1250 0.03393 96 84 12 0
3462 The missing stocking got lost in the wash. 1.1250 0.03534 104 92 11 1
3463 He wants a foot rub, I’ll give him a foot rub! 1.1250 0.03534 104 92 11 1
3464 I'm stalking Santa. 1.1250 0.03897 88 78 9 1
3465 Santa's not real anyway. 1.1250 0.03534 104 92 11 1
3466 It’s my way of stuffing the stockings. 1.1250 0.03702 96 85 10 1
3467 Well, at least I'll be feeling comfortable at the Christmas party with my family this year. 1.1250 0.03393 96 84 12 0
3468 I didn't know I was getting coal in my stocking this year! 1.1250 0.03463 120 107 11 2
3469 We had no wood left and my feet were rather cold 1.1250 0.03987 96 86 8 2
3470 Yes, I’m a stocker. See? What did you think I meant? 1.1250 0.03615 112 100 10 2
3471 You’re the one who was singing “All I Want for Christmas is You” - I’m just here to grant your wish! 1.1250 0.03897 88 78 9 1
3472 You know, there’s a lot of people on the internet that would love this stocking stuffer 1.1250 0.03546 88 77 11 0
3473 Only Annie is coming home this year. 1.1240 0.03229 121 107 13 1
3474 Call me old fashioned, but I prefer the original tradition. 1.1239 0.03585 113 101 10 2
3475 'Great stocking stuffers,' says the wise guy who hasn't fixed the washer yet. 1.1239 0.03585 113 101 10 2
3476 We need to put on The Pirates of Penzance. 1.1239 0.03799 113 102 8 3
3477 I told you Santa wouldn’t come if you didn’t get the chimney cleaned. 1.1239 0.03357 113 100 12 1
3478 Yes, I already DoorDashed you another one. 1.1239 0.03585 113 101 10 2
3479 I told you - they're more like boots. 1.1238 0.03502 105 93 11 1
3480 Well I told you to do the laundry. 1.1238 0.03502 105 93 11 1
3481 AI crashed. 1.1238 0.03502 105 93 11 1
3482 Why not? I have until the night of the 24th to put them back. 1.1238 0.03230 105 92 13 0
3483 Santa's being environmentally conscious and giving you toe jam instead of coal. 1.1238 0.03502 105 93 11 1
3484 Ohhhhh. I should have made the snowman,I should have chopped the tree,my feet are cold,my tooth hurts. Oh no,I need a gift. I should…. 1.1238 0.03991 105 95 7 3
3485 I assumed I would have to stretch the stockings to accommodate your generous gifts this year, dearie. 1.1238 0.03754 105 94 9 2
3486 I thought they were the new Balenciagas. 1.1237 0.03360 97 85 12 0
3487 Next year maybe you will plan ahead. 1.1237 0.03666 97 86 10 1
3488 OK, when the jolly old elf arrives you pull the sock over his head and I'll beat him for the bike he never brought me, as he promised in, 1997! 1.1237 0.03666 97 86 10 1
3489 Mind if I borrow these in lieu of an ugly sweater? 1.1237 0.03360 97 85 12 0
3490 Sure, they SAY inflation is getting better. 1.1237 0.03666 97 86 10 1
3491 You can't have all of me...but you can have half. 1.1237 0.03948 97 87 8 2
3492 So, are you going right or left this year? 1.1237 0.03948 97 87 8 2
3493 If you can hang a pretzel wreath over the fireplace, I can wear the stuffer-stockings to walk the dog. 1.1237 0.03948 97 87 8 2
3494 Like we can afford gifts with these energy prices 1.1237 0.03666 97 86 10 1
3495 Walk a mile in these louboutons @lafreniereemily 1.1237 0.03948 97 87 8 2
3496 Surprise! It was always me, silly! 1.1237 0.03948 97 87 8 2
3497 Can't afford stocking-stuffers, can't afford socks, can't even afford to heat this place--I guess I'll just wear the dang things!! 1.1237 0.03948 97 87 8 2
3498 My other boots have pictures of Hanukkah bushes on them 1.1236 0.03855 89 79 9 1
3499 All you get for Christmas … is me. 1.1236 0.03855 89 79 9 1
3500 Oh - I thought you meant they’d be good for stalking. 1.1236 0.03855 89 79 9 1
3501 I don’t know if I’ve been good but I do know that Santa wants me to have these. 1.1236 0.04173 89 80 7 2
3502 I'm sure the kids would want me to be warm. 1.1230 0.03409 122 109 11 2
3503 My calculations indicate that if I take off these KB stockings and we do it without it snowing too much (Snowdening or 'white oil' spills), we should have a baby courtesy of a surrogate mother by December 25th." "Should we name it Old Religion?" 1.1228 0.04159 114 105 4 5
3504 Candy? I thought you were into feet… 1.1228 0.03555 114 102 10 2
3505 If this isn’t what you mean when you keep telling me to “dress to impress,” I really don’t know what is. 1.1226 0.03471 106 94 11 1
3506 There's no clutter now, Sir." Yun Jia From Cumming, GA. 1.1226 0.03955 106 96 7 3
3507 My orthopedist said I could use a little crunch in my step. 1.1226 0.03720 106 95 9 2
3508 I have to stretch them out to make room for all the crap I bought at the dollar store. 1.1226 0.03720 106 95 9 2
3509 This your you are getting a Christmas ass kicking. 1.1226 0.03471 106 94 11 1
3510 The third one is for my parrot's 103rd Christmas and he doesn't need much anymore. 1.1226 0.03471 106 94 11 1
3511 At least these aren’t from a dead animal! 1.1226 0.03201 106 93 13 0
3512 Christ, what an asshole! 1.1224 0.03328 98 86 12 0
3513 Christmas "Necessities" 1.1224 0.03328 98 86 12 0
3514 What do you expect when you now won't use gas anymore? 1.1224 0.03631 98 87 10 1
3515 Empty Nesters 1.1224 0.04170 98 89 6 3
3516 I can't find the other snowperson stocking - just like every other pair of socks we own. 1.1224 0.04170 98 89 6 3
3517 Barefoot my ass! I'm cold! 1.1224 0.03631 98 87 10 1
3518 You still haven’t done the laundry. I ran out of socks. 1.1223 0.03141 139 124 13 2
3519 After Covid, PJs aren't just for the bedroom and Christmas stockings aren't just for Santa. 1.1222 0.03815 90 80 9 1
3520 What are you looking at? I won't give your shocks back. 1.1222 0.04129 90 81 7 2
3521 Of course there's only one left for you, Allen. You should have thought of that when I asked if you want another kid. 1.1222 0.04129 90 81 7 2
3522 A little to the left. 1.1222 0.04129 90 81 7 2
3523 Bidenomics, dear. 1.1222 0.03472 90 79 11 0
3524 You’ll never find a better stocking stuffer. 1.1222 0.04421 90 82 5 3
3525 The stockings can be either hung with care or worn for self care but not both. 1.1222 0.03815 90 80 9 1
3526 If Bethlehem isn’t celebrating, then neither should we. 1.1221 0.03255 131 117 12 2
3527 Honey, you’re unclear on the concept. 1.1220 0.03574 123 111 9 3
3528 Can you hang me from the mantle with care? 1.1220 0.04387 82 74 6 2
3529 It’s cold outside, I’m leaving you merry Christmas 1.1220 0.04717 82 75 4 3
3530 I didn't get a Christmas bonus this year, but I figured maybe you'd give me bonus points for creativity. 1.1217 0.03526 115 103 10 2
3531 Yes, Ellie’s is going up top—you got a problem with that? 1.1217 0.03062 115 101 14 0
3532 Santa wouldn't have supplied three hooks if he didn't expect us to use them. 1.1215 0.03173 107 94 13 0
3533 In the spirit of upcycling…Do these stockings make me look fat? 1.1215 0.03687 107 96 9 2
3534 Form Follows Function: "It's OK, I made a million of them!" 1.1215 0.03440 107 95 11 1
3535 I’m going out to get you a Hanukkah present. We don’t have a Santa. 1.1215 0.04138 107 98 5 4
3536 Have it your way, but I get the tree. 1.1215 0.03440 107 95 11 1
3537 I’m not waiting for Santa; my feet are freezing! 1.1215 0.03687 107 96 9 2
3538 i am not risking another $200 doctor’s appointment 1.1215 0.03440 107 95 11 1
3539 I'll have what she's having 1.1215 0.04138 107 98 5 4
3540 Todd you said you wanted your stockings stuffed! 1.1215 0.03173 107 94 13 0
3541 You’re not getting a dam thing for Christmas. It’s all about me. 1.1212 0.03872 99 89 8 2
3542 I should have married a Boy Scout. 1.1212 0.03872 99 89 8 2
3543 A gift on the feet is worth two above the mantel. 1.1212 0.03872 99 89 8 2
3544 In this year of experiential gifts, I am gifting myself to you and Katie. 1.1212 0.03596 99 88 10 1
3545 I knew you would get cold feet if we had a Christmas wedding! 1.1212 0.03406 132 119 10 3
3546 I 1.1212 0.04130 99 90 6 3
3547 Looks like someone's hung their hopes by the chimney with care, in hopes that Saint Nick will fill more than just stockings this year. 1.1212 0.03872 99 89 8 2
3548 Boots the house down. 1.1212 0.03596 99 88 10 1
3549 They said the stockings were hung so... 1.1212 0.03872 99 89 8 2
3550 Your comfy new slippers? Haven't seen 'em. 1.1212 0.03872 99 89 8 2
3551 If you won't light the yule log, I'll have to wear these to get warm! 1.1212 0.03297 99 87 12 0
3552 Socking around the Christmas tree, spreading warmth and toe-tal joy by the fireplace! ?? #SockItToMeSanta 1.1212 0.03596 99 88 10 1
3553 What? I’m a Gemini. Get used to it. 1.1212 0.03297 99 87 12 0
3554 i'm not feeling comfortable that this is what the twins would have wanted 1.1212 0.03297 99 87 12 0
3555 Maybe if we start a new tradition,Santa will take the hint and deliver socks 1.1209 0.03775 91 81 9 1
3556 Our dictatorial Home Owners Association board just handed down a ruling that, in order to honor cultural diversity, we have to also put up pagan decorations and contribute money to the costs of video-recording the human sacrifice. 1.1209 0.04374 91 83 5 3
3557 I'm getting into the Christmas spirit! 1.1209 0.04086 91 82 7 2
3558 I doubt Santa can afford to fill stockings this year. 1.1209 0.03775 91 81 9 1
3559 I can't get yours on. There seems to be a lump of coal in it. 1.1209 0.03436 91 80 11 0
3560 The coal is from Santa. The smell is from me. 1.1209 0.03775 91 81 9 1
3561 I am your present and my present too, Get over it. 1.1209 0.03775 91 81 9 1
3562 Three dollars more and we wouldn't have this problem 1.1209 0.04086 91 82 7 2
3563 I’m covering my blue feet, and you should do it too. 1.1209 0.03775 91 81 9 1
3564 I heard you have a foot fetish, Merry Feetmas 1.1207 0.03705 116 105 8 3
3565 Ceasefire Now 1.1207 0.03705 116 105 8 3
3566 Will everyone think it's odd that they don't match? 1.1205 0.03983 83 74 8 1
3567 Boy, they had big feet back in olden days! 1.1205 0.03595 83 73 10 0
3568 This downdraft is unbearable! Santa be damned. 1.1204 0.03146 108 95 13 0
3569 See! They can do double duty as slippers. 1.1204 0.03410 108 96 11 1
3570 My socks are NOT to be hung by ANY CHIMNEY! 1.1204 0.03655 108 97 9 2
3571 Chatgpt said so.. 1.1204 0.03410 108 96 11 1
3572 How did you get inside my house , Amelia Bedelia?! 1.1200 0.03331 125 112 11 2
3573 It can be a matter of life and death in the War on Christmas - keeping your feet dry. 1.1200 0.03562 100 89 10 1
3574 Candy? I thought you're into feet... 1.1200 0.03562 100 89 10 1
3575 I'm glad you still believe, but they don't have to be your everyday stockings. 1.1200 0.03562 100 89 10 1
3576 Harriet, I get it, you want boots for Christmas. 1.1200 0.03266 100 88 12 0
3577 It is difficult to fit into Santa's Socks! 1.1200 0.03266 100 88 12 0
3578 But you only left one for me! 1.1200 0.04090 100 91 6 3
3579 I don't want to wear shoes and bring dirt in the house, but my feet are cold... 1.1200 0.03835 100 90 8 2
3580 Here's the plan. I give you all of me. You give me a foot. 1.1200 0.03562 100 89 10 1
3581 Sorry. I feel cold. 1.1200 0.03331 125 112 11 2
3582 Stocking around the Christmas tree? 1.1200 0.03562 100 89 10 1
3583 This is phase one of my plan to get out of selling soiled undergarments to weirdos on the internet. 1.1200 0.03562 100 89 10 1
3584 And I’m keeping them on until you start the fire. 1.1200 0.03562 100 89 10 1
3585 I’m wearing these to the Jingle Bell Sock Hop! 1.1200 0.03562 100 89 10 1
3586 What? I got cold… I couldn’t find the switch 1.1200 0.03132 125 111 13 1
3587 mine haven't dried yet 1.1200 0.03562 100 89 10 1
3588 I need to go out and get some stocking stuffers. 1.1197 0.03249 117 104 12 1
3589 Face it—he’s not coming again this year. Might as well fill them with something. 1.1196 0.03736 92 82 9 1
3590 I got a run in my stockings, luckily I found these! 1.1196 0.04043 92 83 7 2
3591 They stay even warmer with candy canes and chocolates. 1.1196 0.03736 92 82 9 1
3592 Inflation has got the better of Saint Nicholas. 1.1193 0.03623 109 98 9 2
3593 I was going to surprise you with a subscription to 'Foot Fetishist Weekly', but I thought you'd like this better. 1.1193 0.03380 109 97 11 1
3594 When I suggested Nana might like some jam as a stocking stuffer, I didn't mean toe jam! 1.1193 0.03623 109 98 9 2
3595 This is going to be my me Christmas 1.1193 0.03850 109 99 7 3
3596 You’re not doing it right. 1.1193 0.03623 109 98 9 2
3597 This year I gave you the shoes off my feet, but not the socks. 1.1193 0.03380 109 97 11 1
3598 I told you, I wanted an in unit washer dryer 1.1193 0.03623 109 98 9 2
3599 Let's have some pun! 1.1190 0.03555 84 74 10 0
3600 Life of the party, holiday edition 1.1188 0.03799 101 91 8 2
3601 They are specifically made for step-mothers. 1.1188 0.03528 101 90 10 1
3602 This is the last year we let your your sisters children make the nativity scene with sock puppets 1.1188 0.03799 101 91 8 2
3603 I have a high deductible and need foot surgery, might as well see what Santa can do. 1.1188 0.03528 101 90 10 1
3604 Do you want to do the laundry? 1.1188 0.03236 101 89 12 0
3605 These UGG are made in Australia 1.1188 0.03528 101 90 10 1
3606 When my mother said to wear stockings to church, this is not what she meant. 1.1188 0.03528 101 90 10 1
3607 I got the idea last year when Santa left us those gourmet cheeses. 1.1186 0.02990 118 104 14 0
3608 Sorry,babe. Inflation! 1.1183 0.04001 93 84 7 2
3609 Yeah, my feet are cold! Aren’t yours? 1.1183 0.03698 93 83 9 1
3610 I'm opening them up a little in case Santa brings a couple of nice magnums for our New Year's Eve party. 1.1183 0.04001 93 84 7 2
3611 Ok, I filled two. You do the other one. 1.1183 0.03698 93 83 9 1
3612 If we fill them with cheese, they'll never notice the smell. 1.1183 0.04001 93 84 7 2
3613 Just till the dryer is done. 1.1183 0.04001 93 84 7 2
3614 I thought this would be worse than lumps of coal. 1.1183 0.03698 93 83 9 1
3615 No, they won’t improve your hang time. 1.1182 0.03351 110 98 11 1
3616 It's my stocking stuffer gift to you... some rare cheese. 1.1182 0.03591 110 99 9 2
3617 Don't look at me like that, I took the satsuma out. 1.1182 0.03591 110 99 9 2
3618 It's either this or coal. 1.1182 0.03092 110 97 13 0
3619 I lost the matching pairs in the laundromat 1.1182 0.03591 110 99 9 2
3620 nan 1.1176 0.04013 102 93 6 3
3621 Fine. Then, this is what I have to do if you won’t buy a new washer and dryer. 1.1176 0.03206 102 90 12 0
3622 My boot is bigger! Does that tell you something? 1.1176 0.03496 102 91 10 1
3623 It's for my Santa Foot Fetish Only Fans page. 1.1176 0.03893 85 76 8 1
3624 I’m expecting a truly hideous sweater in the one that’s left. 1.1176 0.04013 102 93 6 3
3625 Hint: I want slippers for Christmas. 1.1176 0.04238 85 77 6 2
3626 Hitch up the sleigh. F.A.O. awaits!" 1.1176 0.03206 102 90 12 0
3627 Don’t look so disappointed. You could have gotten coal! 1.1176 0.04013 102 93 6 3
3628 -All the same 1.1176 0.03763 102 92 8 2
3629 One size fits all. 1.1176 0.04238 85 77 6 2
3630 It was between this and candy canes, so I went with the sweeter option. 1.1176 0.03763 102 92 8 2
3631 Hey honey, I've got those stocking on that you like... 1.1176 0.03197 119 106 12 1
3632 I'm transitioning us from coal. 1.1176 0.03496 102 91 10 1
3633 In case you didn’t notice, winter boots are on the wishlist. 1.1176 0.03206 102 90 12 0
3634 I’m repurposing these textiles so they don’t end up in the landfill ! 1.1176 0.03496 102 91 10 1
3635 I’m going to sell them online… it’s a very niche market. 1.1176 0.03206 102 90 12 0
3636 Don't give me that look. Yes, I know these don't match but no one will notice 1.1176 0.03515 85 75 10 0
3637 Was the coal really necessary? 1.1170 0.03961 94 85 7 2
3638 I said--and I repeat, "You ain't hangin' either of these two on the left side of the fireplace this year!" 1.1170 0.03660 94 84 9 1
3639 I said the stockings are hung by the chimney with care, not you. 1.1170 0.03961 94 85 7 2
3640 Sure stockings can be kinky, buy just wait to you see what I do with the tinsel! 1.1170 0.03660 94 84 9 1
3641 They fit great, and I love the extra traction with the candy on my soles 1.1170 0.03660 94 84 9 1
3642 All I wanted for Christmas was a new pair of socks—I’ll take what I can get. 1.1170 0.03961 94 85 7 2
3643 Wanna wassail? 1.1170 0.03660 94 84 9 1
3644 You know I’ve never felt like this before 1.1170 0.04240 94 86 5 3
3645 You’re getting coal this year anyway 1.1170 0.03660 94 84 9 1
3646 Don’t worry, I shall spray in some deodorant before hanging them back up at bedtime. 1.1170 0.03961 94 85 7 2
3647 Honey, I am going to be Santa this year!!! 1.1170 0.03961 94 85 7 2
3648 Darnit, Craig, if we can’t have a real fireplace or a real wreath, we’re going to have REAL stockings!!! 1.1170 0.03660 94 84 9 1
3649 Martha, those aren't socks for wearing. Take those off and come take your pills. 1.1170 0.03961 94 85 7 2
3650 Just be glad you're not as old as me and that your socks still fit. 1.1167 0.02943 120 106 14 0
3651 I’m not going off my diet. You get the other one. 1.1167 0.03385 120 108 10 2
3652 Warm feet makes for a Merry Christmas 1.1165 0.03463 103 92 10 1
3653 Honey! We can use these for socks! Santa will love it!! 1.1165 0.03463 103 92 10 1
3654 Whatever, bitch, it's winter. 1.1165 0.03975 103 94 6 3
3655 Because I need to turn down the thermostat to be able to fill the last one. 1.1165 0.03728 103 93 8 2
3656 It's not equal parenting, but at least the kids get one half each. 1.1165 0.03728 103 93 8 2
3657 You've certainly heard of pragmatism. 1.1165 0.03463 103 92 10 1
3658 You're the best stocking stuffer ever! 1.1165 0.03728 103 93 8 2
3659 You get me, babe 1.1163 0.03850 86 77 8 1
3660 These boots are made for walking. One of these days, they are going to walk all over you. 1.1163 0.03850 86 77 8 1
3661 But laudry day isn't until tomorrow... 1.1163 0.04505 86 79 4 3
3662 Skip to your shoe my darling. 1.1163 0.03850 86 77 8 1
3663 Boot race? 1.1161 0.03294 112 100 11 1
3664 Now I know why we don't have any art on our walls! 1.1161 0.03751 112 102 7 3
3665 My followers will love this new trend! #paidendorse 1.1161 0.03294 112 100 11 1
3666 Saving up for Christmas 1.1161 0.03294 112 100 11 1
3667 Don't you wish we had floor heating? 1.1158 0.04197 95 87 5 3
3668 We really need rubber ones! 1.1158 0.03921 95 86 7 2
3669 Well, since you never fill a stocking for me ... 1.1158 0.03624 95 85 9 1
3670 My family has had a "stocking feet" Christmas tradition ever since I can remember. 1.1158 0.03921 95 86 7 2
3671 It may look small but he wears a size 7! 1.1158 0.03624 95 85 9 1
3672 Gotta' keep them feet warm with these gas prices ! 1.1158 0.03624 95 85 9 1
3673 With this new prosthetic, I can now use two socks. 1.1158 0.03624 95 85 9 1
3674 I saw the mistletoe and got cold feet. 1.1158 0.03300 95 84 11 0
3675 Uggs are just too pricey 1.1158 0.03624 95 85 9 1
3676 Okay, let’s go unload the groceries! 1.1158 0.03921 95 86 7 2
3677 I’m all about cost per wear. 1.1158 0.03624 95 85 9 1
3678 Don't look at me like that, Craig. Either light the fire or get your other stocking from the dryer 1.1158 0.03624 95 85 9 1
3679 looks like you'll have to ask Santa fo 1.1154 0.03938 104 95 6 3
3680 Feels lke coal. 1.1154 0.03148 104 92 12 0
3681 I need to postpone our wedding 1.1154 0.03938 104 95 6 3
3682 Since we decided not to gift each other and I need socks. 1.1154 0.04169 104 96 4 4
3683 Quick, put on the life saver and hop out of the house! 1.1154 0.03694 104 94 8 2
3684 Thank you but I think I’m going to need bigger boots. 1.1154 0.03432 104 93 10 1
3685 The fire's dead, so I'm hoping Santa will just bring me coal. 1.1154 0.03432 104 93 10 1
3686 When your significant other has a foot fetish...Merry Christmas 1.1154 0.03148 104 92 12 0
3687 Next year we'll get four, meanwhile just make do with the one. 1.1150 0.03719 113 103 7 3
3688 I have even bigger stockings to replace these ones on the fireplace. 1.1150 0.03500 113 102 9 2
3689 Did you really expect the washing machine to skip making that one disappear? 1.1149 0.03808 87 78 8 1
3690 I'll be the stocking and you be the stuffer. 1.1149 0.03439 87 77 10 0
3691 The guy at the mall said everyone is wearing these. (wife nods slowly) 1.1149 0.03808 87 78 8 1
3692 I always assumed that the snowman was yours. 1.1148 0.03123 122 109 12 1
3693 This way I can hide my casts and not have to explain two broken legs while walking down the street with my head buried in my phone. 1.1146 0.03588 96 86 9 1
3694 Now you know what I want for the holidays. 1.1146 0.03881 96 87 7 2
3695 He'll never make it down the chimney with these on. 1.1146 0.03268 96 85 11 0
3696 Your stocking stuffer is the excellent film... "Happy Feet" 1.1146 0.03588 96 86 9 1
3697 I'm your huckleberry! 1.1146 0.03588 96 86 9 1
3698 I guess it's still a better gift than what you got me last year. 1.1146 0.03268 96 85 11 0
3699 I'm reducing our carbon foot print! 1.1146 0.03881 96 87 7 2
3700 Don’t knock it until you’ve walked a mile in my stockings 1.1146 0.03881 96 87 7 2
3701 I want to make sure Santa knows my size. 1.1146 0.03268 96 85 11 0
3702 The kids will love me as their stocking stuffer. 1.1146 0.03881 96 87 7 2
3703 I hope you're planning on working the "North" pole. 1.1146 0.03881 96 87 7 2
3704 So are you gonna get started on dinner or am I gonna get drunk and eat an entire jar of olives for the second time this week?" 1.1143 0.03401 105 94 10 1
3705 I'm hoping that Santa will mend my broken ankles from tripping over the yule log. 1.1143 0.03401 105 94 10 1
3706 The store was out of coal." 1.1143 0.03401 105 94 10 1
3707 I’m putting them to use before Christmas 1.1143 0.03401 105 94 10 1
3708 These really work great when I need to move that damn Elf on the Shelf. 1.1143 0.03401 105 94 10 1
3709 ‘Cause I’m the greatest gift of all time, b!tch! 1.1143 0.03660 105 95 8 2
3710 For the last time: it’s “the stockings were hung by the chimney with CARE”, not “the stockings were hung on the chimney WITH CAROL”! 1.1143 0.03660 105 95 8 2
3711 Just making sure they can hold the boots I asked for. 1.1140 0.03892 114 105 5 4
3712 I came from the chimney, I’m not stocking you though 1.1140 0.03239 114 102 11 1
3713 Don't worry, the stench of my toe jam will be overcome by peppermint patty stocking stuffers... 1.1138 0.03307 123 111 10 2
3714 The kids said no-shows are out now 1.1138 0.03098 123 110 12 1
3715 I keep forgetting to get the heater fixed. 1.1136 0.03403 88 78 10 0
3716 Duh, we share the stockings; today is my turn! 1.1136 0.03403 88 78 10 0
3717 I figure if Ol' Saint Nick gets a whiff of my toes, I might get some nail polish this year. 1.1136 0.03767 88 79 8 1
3718 I'm a traditionalist. 1.1136 0.03403 88 78 10 0
3719 I plan to just hang here this Christmas. 1.1136 0.03403 88 78 10 0
3720 Sure, I'm up for it. But the ring is a little large. 1.1136 0.03403 88 78 10 0
3721 If those aren't hing up with care like right now, we lose all hope that st. Nick will be here! 1.1134 0.03843 97 88 7 2
3722 I like this tradition of hanging your boots over the fire to dry. 1.1134 0.03843 97 88 7 2
3723 The stockings are on my feet, and I really don't care, Santa's not real, and my tootsies were bare. 1.1134 0.03553 97 87 9 1
3724 Well, they are called stockings! 1.1134 0.03236 97 86 11 0
3725 Santa stuffed the stockings with just what I wanted…you! 1.1134 0.03236 97 86 11 0
3726 Okay, let's say that one's for you. Go ahead, stiff out son. 1.1134 0.03236 97 86 11 0
3727 Nothing comin' down that chimney will be warmer than these. 1.1134 0.04113 97 89 5 3
3728 Why shouldn't I raise my expectations? 1.1134 0.03553 97 87 9 1
3729 I think the Christmas tree makes me look thinner than the packages would. What say you? 1.1134 0.03553 97 87 9 1
3730 These are what I've always wanted for Christmas. 1.1134 0.03553 97 87 9 1
3731 Do you have our tailors number? 1.1134 0.03553 97 87 9 1
3732 You said you wanted thigh stockings for Christmas. 1.1134 0.04113 97 89 5 3
3733 Alanis would understand. 1.1134 0.03236 97 86 11 0
3734 Look I got new legs for Christmas ! 1.1134 0.03843 97 88 7 2
3735 I don’t think Santa will care to stop by for the “grown-ups” this year! =( 1.1132 0.03370 106 95 10 1
3736 Reduce, reuse, recycle, reindeer! 1.1132 0.03627 106 96 8 2
3737 I'll take them off when you agree to light the fire. It's freezing in here! 1.1132 0.03092 106 94 12 0
3738 The last time I checked, we've got only this one fireplace. So tell me again where your other stocking is hung. 1.1132 0.03092 106 94 12 0
3739 It worked for Buffy Saint Marie and a bunch of academics. 1.1132 0.03627 106 96 8 2
3740 We forgot to do the laundry & I'm out of socks for my boots. 1.1132 0.03370 106 95 10 1
3741 Yeah, check this out. I used to do this when I was a kid." "Yeah, you and everyone else, Janet. 1.1132 0.03627 106 96 8 2
3742 Light the fire, or hear me sing "Baby It's Cold Outside" for, like, FOREVER! Your choice 1.1130 0.03213 115 103 11 1
3743 Oh, will one of your feet be cold? Thermostat at 67, no socks till they’re on sale, single child family—life choices Brian, life choices. 1.1124 0.04055 89 81 6 2
3744 One of these days these stockings are gonna walk all over you, Brian. 1.1124 0.04358 89 82 4 3
3745 I will say, they're more comfortable than the Ugg boots you gave me last year. 1.1122 0.03205 98 87 11 0
3746 They won't be empty this year. 1.1122 0.03805 98 89 7 2
3747 Santa Santa!My feet are cold! 1.1122 0.03205 98 87 11 0
3748 Is that your compensating for inflation boot? 1.1122 0.03518 98 88 9 1
3749 This is the fastest way I can run after Doogie! 1.1122 0.03205 98 87 11 0
3750 I’m going out to see if reindeer really know how to fly. 1.1122 0.03518 98 88 9 1
3751 What? You won’t turn up the heat or light the fire. 1.1122 0.03518 98 88 9 1
3752 They said two per guest so I’m stocking up. 1.1122 0.03518 98 88 9 1
3753 Moms, always finding a way to fill the stocking. 1.1122 0.03805 98 89 7 2
3754 I don’t know how to tell you this, but I have foot cancer. 1.1122 0.03805 98 89 7 2
3755 I used to hate finding socks in my stocking. 1.1121 0.03340 107 96 10 1
3756 I let my inner thoughts win… 1.1121 0.03065 107 95 12 0
3757 Look Andy, now I’m Gods gift too. 1.1121 0.03340 107 96 10 1
3758 they are perfect for my cold feet 1.1121 0.03340 107 96 10 1
3759 They are warm and they don't have to last very long 1.1121 0.03186 116 104 11 1
3760 Do you think this will going to surprise the kids in the morning? 1.1121 0.03413 116 105 9 2
3761 I thought you said “all I want for Christmas is you?” I was singing a song, honey. 1.1120 0.03448 125 114 8 3
3762 Rock, Paper, Scissor. You lost. 1.1111 0.03928 81 73 7 1
3763 Now I understand what Nancy Sinatra meant in her song "These Boots are Made for Walking". 1.1111 0.03385 117 106 9 2
3764 ...and the wreath completes the ensemble as my scarf. 1.1111 0.03311 108 97 10 1
3765 Your candy stinks! 1.1111 0.03484 99 89 9 1
3766 Timmy's wishes will have come true when he finds you hanging over the fireplace. 1.1111 0.03563 108 98 8 2
3767 You see. I didn't forget your christmas present. 1.1111 0.03175 99 88 11 0
3768 You're giving "stocking stuffers" a whole new meaning. 1.1111 0.03331 90 80 10 0
3769 It is only until we can light a fire in the fireplace. 1.1111 0.03385 117 106 9 2
3770 These boots are made for walking — out for Christmas dinner this year. 1.1111 0.03331 90 80 10 0
3771 Don't you have any respect for Santa Clause? 1.1111 0.03385 117 106 9 2
3772 I’ve been bad so I might as well wear them if I don’t get presents 1.1111 0.03484 99 89 9 1
3773 At least I'm better than a lump of coal. 1.1111 0.03311 108 97 10 1
3774 Hey, I'm turning the thermostat down this month. 1.1111 0.03311 108 97 10 1
3775 So, when are we finally going to buy some firewood? 1.1111 0.04011 90 82 6 2
3776 I thought you told me you want me to wear stockings more. 1.1111 0.03768 99 90 7 2
3777 Pick up your sock, Harold! 1.1111 0.03160 117 105 11 1
3778 Not until, you pay to gas bill. 1.1111 0.04303 81 74 5 2
3779 Peat and Repeat get a little Christmas treat. 1.1111 0.03798 108 99 6 3
3780 My rent is so high I can’t afford socks 1.1111 0.03311 108 97 10 1
3781 Well, I know you’ve got that foot fetish so i wanted to fill them with something you would use. 1.1111 0.03563 108 98 8 2
3782 Martha, we agreed the LARPing would stop before my parents arrive. 1.1111 0.03175 99 88 11 0
3783 All natural stocking stuffers - feet. 1.1101 0.03531 109 99 8 2
3784 I thought this year we'd hang me by the fire with care. 1.1101 0.03531 109 99 8 2
3785 I’m stiffing my own stockings this year 1.1101 0.03764 109 100 6 3
3786 Okay you can wear them now but on December 24th you need to hang them on the fireplace 1.1101 0.03282 109 98 10 1
3787 Sorry…they only had three in stock(ing). 1.1101 0.03282 109 98 10 1
3788 I have always slipped on our Christmas stockings. 1.1100 0.03994 100 92 5 3
3789 We also have one chestnut roasting on an open fire. 1.1100 0.03145 100 89 11 0
3790 Ok. I’ll wear them this one time, but I must say, it’s an odd kink. 1.1100 0.03145 100 89 11 0
3791 No ideas 1.1100 0.03145 100 89 11 0
3792 Well if you hadn't of laced my eggnog with PCP... 1.1100 0.03732 100 91 7 2
3793 I didn’t want to turn the heater on. 1.1100 0.03994 100 92 5 3
3794 St. Nick really gave me the best gift of all… my mom! 1.1100 0.03732 100 91 7 2
3795 So,do I now get all the stocking presents? 1.1100 0.03145 100 89 11 0
3796 we both said we wanted to be stuffed this xmas 1.1100 0.03451 100 90 9 1
3797 Look honey… we get to keep the Sox! 1.1100 0.03732 100 91 7 2
3798 ..."so I'm guessing secret Santa has a $20 limit." 1.1100 0.03451 100 90 9 1
3799 My feet were cold. Besides, look at the great gift you got. 1.1099 0.03969 91 83 6 2
3800 These would just be "tings" without the "sock". 1.1099 0.03648 91 82 8 1
3801 So? My feet are coaled! 1.1099 0.03648 91 82 8 1
3802 I mean they are called "Stocking Stuffers" right? Plus you didn't get me those slippers last year like I had asked, so this is really on you. 1.1099 0.03648 91 82 8 1
3803 I know that you hung only one, but there are two hooks left. 1.1099 0.03648 91 82 8 1
3804 don’t mind me stocking you 1.1099 0.03648 91 82 8 1
3805 With the rate of inflation, these babies have dual-use. 1.1099 0.03297 91 81 10 0
3806 Well, how do you prepare for Santa? 1.1099 0.03648 91 82 8 1
3807 You decide which one’s gets in the stocking and which one’s going to be firewood, Mr. Forgot the Duraflame! 1.1099 0.03648 91 82 8 1
3808 Don’t just stand there Sam login and reboot. 1.1098 0.03883 82 74 7 1
3809 I'll always be your stocking stuffer." 1.1098 0.03883 82 74 7 1
3810 I'm getting the hang of never putting my heel down with this one. 1.1098 0.04253 82 75 5 2
3811 I guess we need new socks! 1.1091 0.02986 110 98 12 0
3812 I got it. 1.1091 0.03253 110 99 10 1
3813 So, now you want to have another kid? 1.1089 0.03418 101 91 9 1
3814 i found my boots from last year, why were they hanging up there 1.1089 0.03418 101 91 9 1
3815 Thank you for taking me off your mantelpiece. You may unwrap me now 1.1089 0.03418 101 91 9 1
3816 Yes, I know I need to get to the laundry but this is a Christmas tradition! Santa is famous for his love of human feet! 1.1089 0.04198 101 94 3 4
3817 Can I just wear these till Xmas Eve? 1.1089 0.03418 101 91 9 1
3818 I'm ready to walk three miles through the snow to school. 1.1089 0.03418 101 91 9 1
3819 Empty nest, empty stockings. 1.1089 0.03418 101 91 9 1
3820 It is kind of like cheating but I prefer to think it's more practical. 1.1089 0.03697 101 92 7 2
3821 I see three options: you chop off your foot; we have another kid; or one of us finally does the laundry.” “[sigh]…I’ll get the saw 1.1089 0.03955 101 93 5 3
3822 I’m hoping for some socks for Christmas, but these’ll do for now. 1.1089 0.03418 101 91 9 1
3823 I used to believe in Santa Claus and the State of Israel. 1.1089 0.03115 101 90 11 0
3824 Sweetie, your feet are too big for these stockings anyway.” 1.1089 0.03418 101 91 9 1
3825 Well since you didn’t put anything in it Greg… 1.1089 0.03418 101 91 9 1
3826 Well, if you'd turn up the heat ... 1.1087 0.03610 92 83 8 1
3827 My present to you? I'm gifting for two! 1.1087 0.03927 92 84 6 2
3828 Who knows maybe it'll catch on & start a new trend! 1.1087 0.03610 92 83 8 1
3829 They look better than the Christmas socks you bought me. 1.1087 0.03927 92 84 6 2
3830 In this economy I'll take what I can get 1.1087 0.03263 92 82 10 0
3831 If no one’s ever going to stuff my stocking, I’ll just wear everyone else's. 1.1087 0.03610 92 83 8 1
3832 Congrats! Santa only swipes stockings from boys on his Naughty List. 1.1087 0.03263 92 82 10 0
3833 We’re in a recession. 1.1087 0.03610 92 83 8 1
3834 It's what black Jesus would have wanted 1.1087 0.03927 92 84 6 2
3835 These stocking stuffers aren’t cheap… just look at my feetfinder income this month! 1.1087 0.03610 92 83 8 1
3836 Hey, my mom says they scoffed at those sheepskin boots in the '80s. 1.1085 0.03159 129 117 10 2
3837 Just checking for holes. 1.1084 0.03838 83 75 7 1
3838 What? We're not allowed to use the fireplace. 1.1081 0.03470 111 101 8 2
3839 The word of the year is 'authentic', Brian. And pretty soon perimenopause is setting in, so why buy warm socks? 1.1081 0.02961 111 99 12 0
3840 The kids are on the naughty list, but we went green! 1.1081 0.02961 111 99 12 0
3841 If anything should happen to me during the holidays, notify my next of stockin’ 1.1078 0.03386 102 92 9 1
3842 I hope they’re into feet. 1.1078 0.03386 102 92 9 1
3843 How do you think I keep the deer out? 1.1078 0.03386 102 92 9 1
3844 We make great stocking stuffers. Too bad for you that we only have three kids. 1.1078 0.03386 102 92 9 1
3845 You said you like feet, so you're welcome I guess? 1.1078 0.03386 102 92 9 1
3846 Anything to save a little energy these days! 1.1078 0.03662 102 93 7 2
3847 I don't think so. They aren't waterproof. 1.1078 0.03662 102 93 7 2
3848 Because it's Thanksgiving and my feet are cold 1.1078 0.03918 102 94 5 3
3849 Kind of a hint that I could use some new winter boots soon. 1.1078 0.03086 102 91 11 0
3850 Look, they have never been filled in my life. I’m pretending they are Uggs, ok? 1.1078 0.03386 102 92 9 1
3851 I'm warming them up for those lumps of coal later. 1.1075 0.03887 93 85 6 2
3852 I know about your a foot fetish, so here are your stocking gifts this year. 1.1075 0.03573 93 84 8 1
3853 How did we get here? 1.1075 0.03230 93 83 10 0
3854 Who's Mariah Carey? I thought you wanted ME! 1.1075 0.03230 93 83 10 0
3855 If the fire's out, I'll skip the gifts. 1.1075 0.03230 93 83 10 0
3856 If we no longer let our fingers do the walking, I suppose it's up to our feet now 1.1075 0.03573 93 84 8 1
3857 How about one of my nylons? 1.1075 0.03573 93 84 8 1
3858 Thank goodness we didn’t get coal this year. 1.1075 0.03573 93 84 8 1
3859 I am so sorry. I thought borrowing Santa stockings was a good idea. 1.1075 0.03573 93 84 8 1
3860 Can we go just one holiday without the constant reminder of your ex-husband Ahab? 1.1075 0.03573 93 84 8 1
3861 As if my dainty little feet wouldn’t fit you dummy. OK now it’s your turn… I want to see you hula hoop the wreath!! Woo hoo!! I mean shhhh, shut up you’re gonna wake them up, no it’s you I’m actually whispering. 1.1075 0.04177 93 86 4 3
3862 The Christmas Spirit is supposed to be good for plantar fasciitis 1.1075 0.03573 93 84 8 1
3863 If you're waiting for the other sock to drop, ain't going to happen. 1.1071 0.04155 84 77 5 2
3864 So you haven't yet done your laundry? by Tim McCarthy 1.1071 0.03667 112 103 6 3
3865 I've always wanted to do this. Kinda like you that one day with the 'thing' 1.1071 0.03395 84 75 9 0
3866 Let me borrow your socks, then. Oh, that's right . . . 1.1071 0.02936 112 100 12 0
3867 My legs are the very definition of stocking stuffers 1.1068 0.03355 103 93 9 1
3868 He’ll love it if I take my stockings off… 1.1068 0.03355 103 93 9 1
3869 I know it's weird, but my feet are cold and my MukLuks are in the wash. 1.1068 0.03628 103 94 7 2
3870 Consider them as having been on loan from the Smithonian. 1.1068 0.03628 103 94 7 2
3871 Memories from last Christmas sleigh ride. 1.1064 0.03537 94 85 8 1
3872 Stocking Stuffing. 1.1064 0.03537 94 85 8 1
3873 What do you mean it was just a song and it didn't convey your wishes? 1.1064 0.03847 94 86 6 2
3874 You better give me the gifts I want or this boot is gonna walk all over you. 1.1064 0.03847 94 86 6 2
3875 You get more if they're real! 1.1064 0.03847 94 86 6 2
3876 It’s the fashion these days, geez get with the times 1.1064 0.03197 94 84 10 0
3877 I’m out of clean socks. 1.1059 0.03751 85 77 7 1
3878 Maximize to minimize. 1.1059 0.03357 85 76 9 0
3879 Chances are I’m not getting anything better than these. 1.1059 0.03751 85 77 7 1
3880 With inflation, we’re going to have to get creative around here. 1.1059 0.04108 85 78 5 2
3881 All I want for Christmas is warm feet, money, and then you. 1.1058 0.03030 104 93 11 0
3882 I'm going all in for the 'funny ho ho' look this Christmas. 1.1058 0.03324 104 94 9 1
3883 When you snooze, you lose. 1.1058 0.03030 104 93 11 0
3884 It's over, Chuck. And I'm taking the kid with me. 1.1058 0.03324 104 94 9 1
3885 I heard Santa has a female foot fetish. 1.1058 0.03324 104 94 9 1
3886 It's been a rough year. I need these booties. 1.1058 0.03324 104 94 9 1
3887 Coming up; drop mount, body scissors and gotcha ... finally! 1.1058 0.03030 104 93 11 0
3888 This is my hint for you not to buy me socks again this year, Malcolm. 1.1058 0.03030 104 93 11 0
3889 Here's your chance to learn sewing. 1.1058 0.03324 104 94 9 1
3890 nan 1.1053 0.04091 95 88 4 3
3891 Giving myself the gift of warmth since you won’t turn the heat on. 1.1053 0.03382 114 104 8 2
3892 Nose? Really?" 1.1053 0.03501 95 86 8 1
3893 I was planning to place our daughter's favorite cologne in that stocking.. 1.1053 0.03501 95 86 8 1
3894 You can't wear all... ah yeh, I guess you could." -one more for the staff 1.1053 0.03501 95 86 8 1
3895 One sock or two? It's your choice. 1.1053 0.02887 114 102 12 0
3896 You know that I am your greatest gift than anything ..so I better wear it 😉 1.1053 0.03501 95 86 8 1
3897 But you said to ‘stock up’ on the Christmas stuff! 1.1053 0.03501 95 86 8 1
3898 They’re reversible 1.1053 0.03501 95 86 8 1
3899 how else are we supposed to show strangers out ornaments? 1.1053 0.03165 95 85 10 0
3900 See, even Santa thought you were stuffy. 1.1048 0.03810 105 97 5 3
3901 I'll be your stocking stuffer gift this year. 1.1048 0.03294 105 95 9 1
3902 I've had it with you I'm leaving. I decided to go and work with Santa! 1.1048 0.03294 105 95 9 1
3903 Thank you for the sockings. They are either really creative or just a re-gift! 1.1048 0.03003 105 94 11 0
3904 Now, where are my reindeer skin boots? 1.1048 0.03561 105 96 7 2
3905 Look again! I am the flaming gift in your stocking! 1.1048 0.03561 105 96 7 2
3906 I'm starting "Slouch on the couch" early this year. Care to join me? 1.1048 0.03294 105 95 9 1
3907 They come with built in foot massagers. 1.1048 0.03561 105 96 7 2
3908 Those are not for your feet!” “yes I know they’re for “santas” fee 1.1048 0.03294 105 95 9 1
3909 The holidays are stressful and I haven’t had time to do laundry! 1.1048 0.03561 105 96 7 2
3910 Funny ! I wondered why my boots have been so tight. 1.1047 0.03320 86 77 9 0
3911 I forgot to stop by the shoe repair 1.1047 0.03709 86 78 7 1
3912 It said one size fits all. 1.1047 0.03320 86 77 9 0
3913 So is this what “Stoking up for the holidays “ means to you? 1.1042 0.03769 96 88 6 2
3914 You're the one who said I should get into the Christmas spirit 1.1042 0.03134 96 86 10 0
3915 Well, what do you know. The size 38.5 black suede Manolo slingbacks currently on sale at Saks will juuuuust fit.” 1.1042 0.03769 96 88 6 2
3916 I wouldn't have to wear these if you had given me coal for christmas 1.1042 0.03134 96 86 10 0
3917 Sorry. I 'm getting egg noggin. 1.1042 0.03769 96 88 6 2
3918 One of us still cares about our carbon footprint. 1.1042 0.03769 96 88 6 2
3919 It’s “stalking” your boyfriend for the holidays. Not “stocking.” 1.1042 0.03466 96 87 8 1
3920 Inflation, sorry 1.1042 0.03466 96 87 8 1
3921 Stuff this. 1.1042 0.04312 96 90 2 4
3922 If you turned up the thermostat I wouldn't need to wear them! 1.1039 0.03500 77 69 8 0
3923 Well, don’t just stand there.. sing it like Mariah! 1.1039 0.03500 77 69 8 0
3924 Look Paul, they’re called ‘stockings’ for a reason. 1.1038 0.03529 106 97 7 2
3925 Maybe this will convince you to buy me socks for Christmas 1.1038 0.02976 106 95 11 0
3926 I said ‘These boots are made for walking….not for stockings! 1.1038 0.03264 106 96 9 1
3927 This is your fault 1.1038 0.03264 106 96 9 1
3928 Elton John said so. 1.1038 0.03775 106 98 5 3
3929 I promise I'll wash them next year. 1.1038 0.03264 106 96 9 1
3930 My rigbht foot is always the secret Santa. 1.1034 0.03093 116 105 10 1
3931 If I stretch them out a little, they'll ho-ho-hold more treats! 1.1034 0.03668 87 79 7 1
3932 Well I’d rather have cool socks. 1.1034 0.03668 87 79 7 1
3933 The first and the eighth? Are you sure nobody looked at answer last year? 1.1034 0.03284 87 78 9 0
3934 Last year you got me a flimsy nightgown and I froze. This year Im taking these stockings to be warm. 1.1034 0.03284 87 78 9 0
3935 You tell me why your parents only left out three bed sucks? 1.1034 0.04336 87 81 3 3
3936 I'm officially returning your last year's gift to me. 1.1034 0.03284 87 78 9 0
3937 sorry, only one left for you 1.1034 0.03668 87 79 7 1
3938 You hung three hooks for two of us - so I hid your other stocking. 1.1031 0.03432 97 88 8 1
3939 Well, if we're not going to light the fire, I have to keep my feet warm somehow! 1.1031 0.03732 97 89 6 2
3940 I mean they are called 'stockings' for a reason. Especially if you aren't going to light the fire. 1.1031 0.03432 97 88 8 1
3941 These are my last pair 1.1031 0.03432 97 88 8 1
3942 Sorry. I told you we should have had another kid. 1.1031 0.03432 97 88 8 1
3943 Trust me, this is the most effective way to catch Santa. 1.1031 0.03732 97 89 6 2
3944 Your mother keeps complaining I don’t have her “special jam” in the house…well now she’s gonna get some special jam, Brad! 1.1031 0.03432 97 88 8 1
3945 Would you like to see my impression of Jeremy Irons doing his impression of Claus von Bülow doing his impression of Queen Victoria? 1.1028 0.03741 107 99 5 3
3946 Either you get this fire lit, or little Timmy is going to find some black frost bitten toes in his stocking tomorrow morning. 1.1028 0.03235 107 97 9 1
3947 You want to leave the flu open, fine, but my feet are gonna get cold. 1.1028 0.03497 107 98 7 2
3948 I heard Santa likes to ‘spread the cheer’. 1.1026 0.03067 117 106 10 1
3949 What? It's cold and we spent all our money on these and the house. 1.1026 0.03909 78 71 6 1
3950 They said the stock market would be volatile, but this is not what I expected. 1.1026 0.03909 78 71 6 1
3951 Lets save our confrontation for better times. 1.1023 0.03249 88 79 9 0
3952 I'm protesting against the use of coal. 1.1023 0.03628 88 80 7 1
3953 You want two? 1.1023 0.03249 88 79 9 0
3954 We should ask Santa for slippers. 1.1023 0.04288 88 82 3 3
3955 If you aren't going to light that fire, I am going to keep my feet warm. 1.1023 0.03972 88 81 5 2
3956 To be "authentic" Christmas stockings, they must be worn on Christmas. 1.1023 0.03628 88 80 7 1
3957 I told you there were two uses for these! 1.1023 0.03628 88 80 7 1
3958 I won’t miss him this year! 1.1020 0.03970 98 91 4 3
3959 That’s not how feet finder works. 1.1020 0.03073 98 88 10 0
3960 Screw the ‘kerchief, something ’twas definitely stirring. 1.1020 0.03073 98 88 10 0
3961 Each year it's the same, don't hang my booties uo. 1.1020 0.03073 98 88 10 0
3962 Never criticize Santa until you've walked a mile in his socks. 1.1020 0.03399 98 89 8 1
3963 These are not the UGGS I was looking for. 1.1020 0.03073 98 88 10 0
3964 What? I'm freezing and all my socks are in the laundry. 1.1020 0.03399 98 89 8 1
3965 And then, come Christmas eve, I fill them with fun little bonbons and assorted prizes for the little ones. 1.1020 0.03399 98 89 8 1
3966 Oooh! They're chilly! 1.1020 0.03399 98 89 8 1
3967 Hey, it wasn't me who lost the key to the shoe closet. 1.1019 0.03707 108 100 5 3
3968 I’m borrowing these until you get that fire going. 1.1019 0.03707 108 100 5 3
3969 All I want for Christmas is my two bunions fixed 1.1019 0.03206 108 98 9 1
3970 I told you George, you should have put stockings on your Santa list. 1.1017 0.02794 118 106 12 0
3971 My ingrown toenails are not a pretty sight. 1.1013 0.04261 79 73 4 2
3972 This is really a passive aggressive way of telling your new girlfriend she has big shoes to fill 1.1013 0.04261 79 73 4 2
3973 You're right. Christmas stockings do make good gift, and we can save money from other ones. 1.1011 0.03214 89 80 9 0
3974 You never put anything in my stocking. 1.1011 0.03589 89 81 7 1
3975 Aah, the original gangsta of stocking stuffers. 1.1011 0.03589 89 81 7 1
3976 No, these weren’t meant to be Christmas stockings. I just wanted to warm up my socks above the fire for a minute 1.1011 0.03589 89 81 7 1
3977 Comfy, except for the lumps f coal... 1.1010 0.03366 99 90 8 1
3978 Sorry, I couldn't find the fourth one in the attic. 1.1010 0.03366 99 90 8 1
3979 Better put ‘em on, we’re not even getting coal this year. 1.1010 0.03366 99 90 8 1
3980 My Christmas wish is that the landlord turns on the heater enough to warm our home. 1.1010 0.03366 99 90 8 1
3981 one step and a time ! 1.1010 0.03366 99 90 8 1
3982 Maybe if I’m stuffed into your stockings you’ll make love to me. 1.1010 0.03659 99 91 6 2
3983 If he's going to leave coal in our stockings like he did last year, he's going to have to fight me for it. 1.1010 0.03044 99 89 10 0
3984 Are your toes squished or does it fit alright in the front? 1.1010 0.03931 99 92 4 3
3985 ‘Darling - they are all the rage in Aspen’ 1.1010 0.03044 99 89 10 0
3986 The fireplace?? In this economy? 1.1010 0.03659 99 91 6 2
3987 These just need to tide me over until Santa comes through with ‘the usual.’ 1.1009 0.03178 109 99 9 1
3988 I guess you haven't seen the price of Uggs lately? 1.1000 0.03375 80 72 8 0
3989 If it does not fit, you must regift! 1.1000 0.03551 90 82 7 1
3990 What? You know I hate doing laundry. 1.1000 0.03180 90 81 9 0
3991 You know he never comes, if you want I'll buy you another one so you have a pair 1.1000 0.03333 100 91 8 1
3992 Oh well. Buying everthing on-line this year has its consequences. 1.1000 0.03624 100 92 6 2
3993 Oranges will cover the smell of my feet, so get over it! 1.1000 0.03015 100 90 10 0
3994 Didn't you tell me this was the "barefoot survival event"?? 1.1000 0.03624 100 92 6 2
3995 Listen I'm not gonna NOT put these on my feet, like - mean... they ARE stockings are they not? 1.1000 0.03624 100 92 6 2
3996 Couldn’t you have done this earlier? You had 365 days to prepare. 1.1000 0.03551 90 82 7 1
3997 If you seriously can't start this fire how else am I going to stay warm? 1.1000 0.03015 100 90 10 0
3998 Here, take these. No one will be the wiser/ 1.1000 0.03180 90 81 9 0
3999 Baby it's cold outside.. but I really can't stay, so I'm leaving. 1.1000 0.03887 90 83 5 2
4000 You’re going to melt their chocolate covered marshmallow Santas. 1.1000 0.03624 100 92 6 2
4001 No more 1.1000 0.02873 110 99 11 0
4002 I cannot dance upon my Toes— no Man instructed me (Emily Dickinson) 1.1000 0.03892 100 93 4 3
4003 I'll be back with the chestnuts and eggnog. Can you get an open fire and some mistletoe? 1.1000 0.03405 110 101 7 2
4004 This is no more wrong than the wine you chose to serve to my boss tonight 1.1000 0.03333 100 91 8 1
4005 Sadly, the only use Mom’s stocking will ever get. 1.1000 0.03624 100 92 6 2
4006 Walk a mile in these Louboutins 1.1000 0.03624 100 92 6 2
4007 Well, if you refuse to light a fire, you give me no choice but to wear the stockings. 1.1000 0.03015 100 90 10 0
4008 Well, you refuse to put the heat on! 1.1000 0.03180 90 81 9 0
4009 I’ll buy stocking stuffers that stack to my knees. 1.0991 0.03375 111 102 7 2
4010 I'm so confused. 1.0990 0.03302 101 92 8 1
4011 I thought it futile to hang these "by the chimney with care" since neither of us has any hope that St. Nicholas will soon be here. 1.0990 0.03589 101 93 6 2
4012 Where's the heat?? The fire went out again! 1.0990 0.03302 101 92 8 1
4013 That takes care of the twins. Now we just need something for jimmy. 1.0990 0.03302 101 92 8 1
4014 Next time wrap my gift, ok? 1.0990 0.03302 101 92 8 1
4015 You nutted in all my other socks. 1.0990 0.02987 101 91 10 0
4016 Only one left...your turn 😉 1.0990 0.02987 101 91 10 0
4017 Without anymore storage space, we'll have to repurpose our holiday decorations. 1.0990 0.02987 101 91 10 0
4018 My Uggs finally have a purpose. 1.0989 0.03513 91 83 7 1
4019 They said the secret to giving the best gift is putting your foot on it.. 1.0989 0.03513 91 83 7 1
4020 Well now...Merry Mukaluk to you! 1.0989 0.03147 91 82 9 0
4021 Santa doesn't know we are an odd pair. 1.0989 0.03845 91 84 5 2
4022 Santa's going to put you on the naughty list after seeing you wear those stockings around. 1.0989 0.03147 91 82 9 0
4023 "What? They're called sockings." 1.0989 0.03513 91 83 7 1
4024 Now they will have to either Share or tear me apart 1.0989 0.03513 91 83 7 1
4025 And you thought my grinch-y shoes were too tight. 1.0989 0.03845 91 84 5 2
4026 Oh dear, I see you've been finally reading my wishlist... 1.0989 0.03513 91 83 7 1
4027 Marilyn makes the best of her two left feet to the tune of “Light My Fire” at the company Christmas show. 1.0989 0.03845 91 84 5 2
4028 All I want for Christmas is a new front-loading washer/dryer set! 1.0988 0.04159 81 75 4 2
4029 All I want for Christmas is a lower heating bill. 1.0982 0.03096 112 102 9 1
4030 Well? Aren't you going to unwrap the gift that's in your stocking? 1.0980 0.03271 102 93 8 1
4031 I am my own gift 1.0980 0.03271 102 93 8 1
4032 It’s not, not working. 1.0980 0.02959 102 92 10 0
4033 I'm hoping for an extra-large number of oranges for a healthy Christmas 1.0978 0.03114 92 83 9 0
4034 Nice to have something new instead of thrift store shoes and socks. 1.0978 0.03477 92 84 7 1
4035 Resourceful sock shopping. 1.0978 0.03477 92 84 7 1
4036 Let's see how steel toecaps impact the quality of my gifts 1.0978 0.03477 92 84 7 1
4037 Somehow I felt livelier when they had coal in the toes. 1.0978 0.03114 92 83 9 0
4038 I'll hang them back up Christmas eve 1.0978 0.03114 92 83 9 0
4039 I saw it on TikTok Tok. 1.0978 0.03477 92 84 7 1
4040 Well, they’re in college and I can easily change the names with a bedazzler. 1.0978 0.03114 92 83 9 0
4041 I told you I wanted socks for Christmas. 1.0978 0.03805 92 85 5 2
4042 The settlement was clear - you get the kids; i get their stockings. 1.0976 0.03726 82 75 6 1
4043 Inflation, dear! 1.0971 0.02932 103 93 10 0
4044 Just put all my stocking stuffers under the tree. 1.0971 0.03240 103 94 8 1
4045 You’re taking regifting to a new low. 1.0971 0.02932 103 93 10 0
4046 Wait till the older two see what they’re getting. 1.0971 0.03522 103 95 6 2
4047 Heater? In this economy? 1.0971 0.03522 103 95 6 2
4048 “I’ll replace them with my bra. It’s already stuffed.” 1.0968 0.03441 93 85 7 1
4049 This is pretty much the only way I can fill these this year. 1.0968 0.03441 93 85 7 1
4050 No fire, cold feet 1.0968 0.03441 93 85 7 1
4051 Always wanted to try coal-walking. 1.0968 0.03441 93 85 7 1
4052 Come on, you know mom and dad have a foot fetish… 1.0968 0.03765 93 86 5 2
4053 I'm sockin' around the Christmas tree with mistle-toes 1.0968 0.03441 93 85 7 1
4054 In case he needs my help delivering presents. 1.0968 0.03441 93 85 7 1
4055 Why don’t you pop that other stocking on your weiner honey. Then we can switch stockings and compare smells. Have a little snifferoo hmm? You like that? 1.0965 0.03517 114 106 5 3
4056 With the way the world is going, I’ll settle for socks and call it a day. 1.0964 0.03682 83 76 6 1
4057 Why are there unwrapped LEGO pieces in these? 1.0962 0.03489 104 96 6 2
4058 These are terrible for riding horseback. 1.0957 0.04022 94 88 3 3
4059 This way I don’t feel being an empty nester so much 1.0957 0.03051 94 85 9 0
4060 Babe look! I am chimney! Babe! 1.0957 0.03726 94 87 5 2
4061 You and the dog were bad this year. 1.0957 0.03726 94 87 5 2
4062 Warm toes in winter are more important to me than candy and trinkets! 1.0957 0.03726 94 87 5 2
4063 What?! These are my new recovery boots. Saw it on Tik Tok. 1.0957 0.03726 94 87 5 2
4064 This year I thought I’d wear the stockings for my circuit training workout before filling them with coal. 1.0957 0.03405 94 86 7 1
4065 I don't know if I can trust him. Last year my stocking disappeared. 1.0957 0.03019 115 105 9 1
4066 Well, I might as well get some use out of these before Christmas Eve! 1.0952 0.03181 105 96 8 1
4067 Unlike coal, toe jam is a renewable resource. 1.0952 0.03181 105 96 8 1
4068 Wait, are these for me? I’m not the one with a third leg. 1.0952 0.03181 105 96 8 1
4069 I My Gift To Me ❤️ two times over 1.0952 0.03640 84 77 6 1
4070 I got socks every year... Why would I wait until Christmas?! 1.0952 0.03181 105 96 8 1
4071 And then it dawned on me- Santa’s sleigh isn’t running on deisel, maybe if we skip the log fire, hug a tree, blah blah blah, Santa buys me a Tesla. 1.0952 0.03457 105 97 6 2
4072 The coals in here are nice and toasty.” 1.0947 0.03371 95 87 7 1
4073 Oh. Oh. Tuition? How much? 1.0947 0.03021 95 86 9 0
4074 When you said you were going to "sock me" for cheating on you with your brother, this isn't exactly what I was expecting. 1.0947 0.03688 95 88 5 2
4075 Hint, hint. 1.0947 0.03021 95 86 9 0
4076 This Christmas I'm more than enough for the both of us. 1.0947 0.03371 95 87 7 1
4077 " This is the reason that I've always been able to foot the bill. This is the reason that I've always been able to foot the bill. 1.0947 0.03371 95 87 7 1
4078 I thought maybe he might come down my chimney! 1.0947 0.03021 95 86 9 0
4079 I'm going to need them back the day after. 1.0947 0.03021 95 86 9 0
4080 Because these are the only socks that spark joy. 1.0947 0.03371 95 87 7 1
4081 I wanted to get you a special Christmas present: A gift that keeps on giving. 1.0947 0.03371 95 87 7 1
4082 We can get more presents. 1.0947 0.03371 95 87 7 1
4083 I told you three goes into four with one left over! 1.0947 0.03021 95 86 9 0
4084 My bad, but I could only afford three with all the gifts and decorations I bought. 1.0947 0.03371 95 87 7 1
4085 I’m so sorry babe, it’s the effect of the inflaction 1.0947 0.03688 95 88 5 2
4086 If you are wearing then, he can't put coal in them. 1.0947 0.03021 95 86 9 0
4087 Sorry, they’re supposed to be hung by the fire with care. 1.0947 0.03688 95 88 5 2
4088 The kids moved out anyways 1.0947 0.03688 95 88 5 2
4089 If you expect a sock full of coal you won’t be disappointed 1.0943 0.03425 106 98 6 2
4090 I always knew these made better leg warmers than for starters. Now we can finally light the fireplace… 1.0943 0.02853 106 96 10 0
4091 What do you think?" NYTRaeFulle 1.0941 0.03186 85 77 8 0
4092 I’m stretching them out to make sure that there is enough room for whatever I’m sure that you got me. 1.0941 0.03599 85 78 6 1
4093 Sorry - no baby again this year.... 1.0941 0.03186 85 77 8 0
4094 The stores are all out of candy canes. 1.0941 0.03186 85 77 8 0
4095 Is Santa going to tickle my toes tonight? 1.0941 0.03599 85 78 6 1
4096 I'm wearing them with care in hope that St. Nicholas will come through with the sweet boots I want. 1.0941 0.03186 85 77 8 0
4097 I want you to feel like a kid again, to believe in me, and I promise to make all your dreams come true every year when you wake up 🎄 on Boxing Day. #newyorkercartoons 1.0941 0.03186 85 77 8 0
4098 'A charcoal mask will help my dry skin " 1.0941 0.03969 85 79 4 2
4099 The left and the right just aren't a matched pair. 1.0938 0.02991 96 87 9 0
4100 No fair reusing your ex’s stocking. Not gonna happen. And I know it”s not your dog’s. There’s no bone on it. Fess up. 1.0938 0.02991 96 87 9 0
4101 Listen, Julia, I understand they may be surprisingly comfortable, but could you PLEASE take the children’s candy out first? 1.0938 0.03337 96 88 7 1
4102 How am I going to make it to the eggnog with both feet in the other one? 1.0938 0.02991 96 87 9 0
4103 These can also go on your feet. 1.0938 0.03940 96 90 3 3
4104 Why don’t you ask Santa for a left stocking? 1.0938 0.02991 96 87 9 0
4105 We’re low on rent, we’re going to have to get creative. 1.0938 0.03651 96 89 5 2
4106 Ooh... I thought these were the "sexy" stockings you were talking about. 1.0938 0.03337 96 88 7 1
4107 When you finally notice why your stockings are gone and your sister’s feet are swollen 1.0938 0.03337 96 88 7 1
4108 What else would you wear on a date with Santa Claus 1.0938 0.02991 96 87 9 0
4109 I'm sorry- there wasn't enough space for your left boot. 1.0935 0.02827 107 97 10 0
4110 Of course we're not going to submit Trump to the indignity of individual Christmas lights - just to make sure how much time do we have when everything is assumed to your holiday cheer° 1.0933 0.04318 75 70 3 2
4111 Sorry, you'll have to fit both of your feet into that last one. 1.0933 0.03382 75 68 7 0
4112 I can't feel my toes. 1.0930 0.03151 86 78 8 0
4113 I need one more and then all of my digits can feel holly jolly! 1.0930 0.03558 86 79 6 1
4114 The teacher dress code says "stockings required", so I'm giving them some damn stockings! 1.0930 0.03558 86 79 6 1
4115 Don’t tell me you never did this as a kid 1.0930 0.03151 86 78 8 0
4116 don't worry, they're ergonomic. 1.0928 0.02961 97 88 9 0
4117 My new winter boots. 1.0928 0.02961 97 88 9 0
4118 DEI does not require me to share the third one! 1.0928 0.03304 97 89 7 1
4119 Your stocking-stuffers last year were soo bad, I’m just going to wear mine this year 1.0928 0.03614 97 90 5 2
4120 We're not supposed to wear them, you know. 1.0928 0.02961 97 88 9 0
4121 It's presents for little Timmy only this year. 1.0928 0.03304 97 89 7 1
4122 My feet don’t smell, no one will ever know. 1.0928 0.02961 97 88 9 0
4123 You o want me to do what with the third one? 1.0928 0.02961 97 88 9 0
4124 I have big shoes to fill 1.0928 0.03304 97 89 7 1
4125 Looks like your skiing accident should have happened today. 1.0928 0.03304 97 89 7 1
4126 Christmas in Joe Biden’s America. 1.0928 0.02961 97 88 9 0
4127 I'm putting on your stocking to let you know, I'm all yours. 1.0928 0.02961 97 88 9 0
4128 The dog is the only one who’s been good this year, so maybe if I wear them Santa won’t be able to put coal in them! 1.0926 0.03364 108 100 6 2
4129 Maybe this will help you remember this year. 1.0926 0.02802 108 98 10 0
4130 It was a spare the air day! And you refuse to turn on the heat! 1.0926 0.03364 108 100 6 2
4131 Inflation hits different this year babe. 1.0921 0.03339 76 69 7 0
4132 I have become more utilitarian this Christmas. We can display them later, but for now, warmth. You have heard of stocking stuffers, eh? 1.0921 0.03829 76 70 5 1
4133 This is all we can afford to stuff these with. 1.0920 0.03880 87 81 4 2
4134 I told you I don't want you to get anything for me this year. 1.0920 0.03116 87 79 8 0
4135 Well,YOU weren’t gonna get me those Hokas I wanted for Christmas. 1.0920 0.03880 87 81 4 2
4136 Stockings? I thought you said Sockings… 1.0920 0.03116 87 79 8 0
4137 It’s either gas or groceries this winter, forget the presents. 1.0920 0.03519 87 80 6 1
4138 At least my dogs arent barking 1.0918 0.03271 98 90 7 1
4139 After the year we've had, they'd only be full of coal anyway. 1.0918 0.03271 98 90 7 1
4140 You know that I like to have socks on Christmas Eve. 1.0918 0.03271 98 90 7 1
4141 Here we go again-Santa got stuck. The Ozempic hasn't kicked in yet 1.0918 0.03271 98 90 7 1
4142 Since you won’t let me light a fire “because Santa will burn himself,” I’m resorting to these for warmth. 1.0918 0.02932 98 89 9 0
4143 The weather outside is frightful. These are both warm and comfortingly nostalgic. 1.0909 0.03837 88 82 4 2
4144 Us? … Kids? … What makes you think I have cold feet? 1.0909 0.03480 88 81 6 1
4145 If you want stocking boots, we'll have to have another child. 1.0909 0.03240 99 91 7 1
4146 C'mon, my name is Zola Collier. You know it's funny! 1.0909 0.03304 110 102 6 2
4147 Wait a minute! Amazon just tossed your stocking stuffer short of the snowdrift at our back steps. 1.0909 0.03082 88 80 8 0
4148 I'm double dipping 1.0909 0.02754 110 100 10 0
4149 We're a one per cent household, Harold. 1.0909 0.03837 88 82 4 2
4150 Ha! Ha! honey. Sure hope this means that I'm finally getting all I want for Christmas tonight. 1.0909 0.03480 88 81 6 1
4151 I've got to do a mile. 1.0909 0.03480 88 81 6 1
4152 Oh, I guess this means you are going to have to do your own laundry. 1.0909 0.03780 77 71 5 1
4153 I’m giving you free foot massage lessons. You’re welcome! 1.0909 0.03082 88 80 8 0
4154 Just for YOU––and your 'foot thing.' 1.0909 0.03780 77 71 5 1
4155 Well how am I supposed to know you do not wear this stockings 1.0901 0.02730 111 101 10 0
4156 There was a snake in your boot. 1.0900 0.02876 100 91 9 0
4157 money is tight, can't run the heat nor buy new socks. those stocking look warm. 1.0899 0.03049 89 81 8 0
4158 Shoes for industry?" That's how we did it in our family 1.0899 0.03049 89 81 8 0
4159 Mrs. Santa brought you a double whammy this year 1.0899 0.03442 89 82 6 1
4160 C'mon, can't go wrong with the original stocking stuffer, Phil! 1.0899 0.03442 89 82 6 1
4161 Remember the talking dog story! 1.0899 0.03442 89 82 6 1
4162 Since I don't like Dick and Jane, I'll use their stockings as Christmas Uggs. Leave one up for Billy and tell them Santa did it. 1.0899 0.03049 89 81 8 0
4163 This Christmas it’s my turn to have the flue” 1.0899 0.03049 89 81 8 0
4164 I have always liked these, but they never have fit with ski boots . . . in or out. 1.0899 0.03442 89 82 6 1
4165 Marsha Marsha Marsha 1.0899 0.03442 89 82 6 1
4166 Didn’t know what else to get you, so I’m finally giving in to your foot fetish. Merry Christmas. 1.0899 0.03442 89 82 6 1
4167 I just want to make sure they fit in case I need to divorce you and run away with Red-Fatso. 1.0893 0.02989 112 103 8 1
4168 What are you gonna do? Cry? Go make breakfast. 1.0891 0.02849 101 92 9 0
4169 Since we can't find any matches, I suggest you put your sock back on, AND , look for your other one. 1.0891 0.03178 101 93 7 1
4170 I have run out of sweets, so the children will have to settle for toe jam. 1.0891 0.02849 101 92 9 0
4171 What? You asked me to handle stocking stuffing duties. Check! 1.0891 0.02849 101 92 9 0
4172 Sorry I didn't get a pair for you—a little tight, get a size up next year. Happy Christmas? 1.0891 0.03178 101 93 7 1
4173 Inflation being what it is this year, these can be my stocking stuffers.” 1.0891 0.02849 101 92 9 0
4174 I can’t believe we’re dating even though we are brother and sister…! 1.0891 0.03475 101 94 5 2
4175 You're getting some big gifts this year. Ho! Ho! Ho! 1.0889 0.03017 90 82 8 0
4176 High interest rates, high inflation lead to Christmas budget cuts and repurposing. 1.0889 0.03754 90 84 4 2
4177 Warm feet beats sugar cane anytime! 1.0889 0.03405 90 83 6 1
4178 It's a chocolate, foot bath. 1.0889 0.03405 90 83 6 1
4179 My feet were cold and I didn’t think either of these stockings were big enough to hold that box of slippers you bought me. 1.0889 0.03405 90 83 6 1
4180 Use'em or lose'em 1.0889 0.03017 90 82 8 0
4181 No, put Junior’s sock back. 1.0889 0.03405 90 83 6 1
4182 What? Santa doesn’t leave snacks in our stockings anymore so i thought id leave myself here. 1.0889 0.03017 90 82 8 0
4183 We have to make sacrifices for the children’s presents 1.0889 0.03405 90 83 6 1
4184 Don’t look at me like that - You know you forgot to do the laundry again, this is my last resort KEVIN. 1.0886 0.03688 79 73 5 1
4185 You don’t think they get enough of you already? 1.0885 0.03219 113 105 6 2
4186 If I'm so bad, at least I'll keep my feet warm. 1.0882 0.03147 102 94 7 1
4187 I am starting a new trend "wear your stockings with care". 1.0882 0.02822 102 93 9 0
4188 Did you lose your other stocking in the dryer? 1.0882 0.03147 102 94 7 1
4189 We should have another child. 1.0879 0.03714 91 85 4 2
4190 Just testing for coal 1.0879 0.03369 91 84 6 1
4191 GIFTS OR GODKAS 1.0879 0.02985 91 83 8 0
4192 Santa can’t fill them with coal now, can he? 1.0879 0.03369 91 84 6 1
4193 I knew these uggs knockoffs would serve 1.0879 0.03369 91 84 6 1
4194 Hey Santa! Since your layoff, we can only fill one sock for our kid this year! 1.0879 0.02985 91 83 8 0
4195 I’ve never met anyone that likes theqrr 1.0879 0.03714 91 85 4 2
4196 Well,that's a new take on a stocking stuffer- 1.0879 0.02985 91 83 8 0
4197 Santa told me you wanted your stockings stuffed this way. 1.0879 0.02985 91 83 8 0
4198 You've been singing for it, so all you're getting for Christmas this year is me. 1.0879 0.02985 91 83 8 0
4199 Because of Bidenomics, I can't afford other slippers. 1.0879 0.03369 91 84 6 1
4200 In our family it was always the stockings were hung by the chimney with Claire. 1.0879 0.03369 91 84 6 1
4201 I did laundry last time... 1.0874 0.03118 103 95 7 1
4202 Don't you go ho-ho-ho-ing me - my feet are freezing. 1.0874 0.03118 103 95 7 1
4203 Ummmmm... 1.0870 0.03417 69 63 6 0
4204 It's cold and I'm tired of pretending that someone else is buying the gifts. 1.0870 0.03675 92 86 4 2
4205 You aren’t going to like what’s in yours 1.0870 0.03334 92 85 6 1
4206 I’ll be comin’ down the chimney when I come. . .I’ll be ridin’ eight tiny reindeer when I come. . .And you will go out to meet me as I get stuck in the chimney; yes, you will come to meet me ‘cause I’ve been dumb! 1.0870 0.02954 92 84 8 0
4207 They've both been naughty, and should get a lump of coal. But that's not ecologically sound, so they're getting toe jam. (alternatively: "toe fuzz.") 1.0870 0.03334 92 85 6 1
4208 No, I'm not wearing your socks! 1.0870 0.02954 92 84 8 0
4209 Birthday boy said "Judge not, that ye be not judged." 1.0870 0.03334 92 85 6 1
4210 …and stay right there like that because next I’m going to take the wreath and play a little game of ring toss over your head 1.0870 0.02954 92 84 8 0
4211 Santa said I was a good enough gift for two people. 1.0870 0.02914 115 106 8 1
4212 « Inflation… » 1.0865 0.03089 104 96 7 1
4213 What do you think I’m going to do with that log. 1.0864 0.03599 81 75 5 1
4214 What better way to avoid getting coaled? 1.0864 0.03141 81 74 7 0
4215 Mother said they’re not to be worn. 1.0860 0.03299 93 86 6 1
4216 one sock per gender. 1.0860 0.03299 93 86 6 1
4217 I guess Santa won't need to fill your stockings this year. 1.0860 0.03299 93 86 6 1
4218 The coal Kurt’s my feet. 1.0860 0.03299 93 86 6 1
4219 and then I'll kick the shit out of hi 1.0860 0.03636 93 87 4 2
4220 I’m increasing the volume. 1.0860 0.03636 93 87 4 2
4221 Santa can't smell feet, but his reindeer sure can. 1.0860 0.03944 93 88 2 3
4222 I told you I was cold 🥶 1.0860 0.02923 93 85 8 0
4223 What do you mean you spent all of our Christmas budget on stockings? But look, they also double as socks! 1.0857 0.03061 105 97 7 1
4224 No, really. I’m so glad we did the no-gifts-for-each-other thing this year. 1.0857 0.03370 70 64 6 0
4225 The whole club was lookin at her…” 1.0857 0.02745 105 96 9 0
4226 When it said the stockings were hung by the chimney with care, it didn't say anyone was actually counting them. 1.0854 0.03105 82 75 7 0
4227 Maybe if you had the ability to actually light a fire, I wouldn’t have to wear these. 1.0854 0.03557 82 76 5 1
4228 So much comfier when they’re not full of hot coals! 1.0854 0.03557 82 76 5 1
4229 The coal inserts will keep your feet warm when connected to a USB charger. 1.0854 0.03557 82 76 5 1
4230 Do these make my ankles look fa-la-la-la-lat? 1.0854 0.03105 82 75 7 0
4231 Who needs fancy footwear when you can rock holiday stockings for that extra twinkle in every step? #festive #fancyfootwear 1.0854 0.03557 82 76 5 1
4232 Well, you ate all my candy. 1.0851 0.03265 94 87 6 1
4233 Lumps of coal soothe my feet. 1.0851 0.02894 94 86 8 0
4234 With all the shopping and decorating I forgot to do the laundry. You can hop to the car. 1.0851 0.03265 94 87 6 1
4235 Stomping on Christmas anxiety? 1.0851 0.03265 94 87 6 1
4236 I really appreciate it. The pain of losing one is unpairable. 1.0851 0.03598 94 88 4 2
4237 But you said you liked me " just the way I am." 1.0851 0.03265 94 87 6 1
4238 New socks, not in this economy! 1.0851 0.02894 94 86 8 0
4239 What? Did you ask Santa for something else? 1.0843 0.03069 83 76 7 0
4240 that IS too bad—but wait—isn’t that friend of yours … Ahab something or other … coming to the party tonight? 1.0842 0.02864 95 87 8 0
4241 I don't care if he failed to show up yet again; we still need to fill them with candy! 1.0842 0.03232 95 88 6 1
4242 Why should I return them to Walmart like I do every year if I can wear them all year long 1.0842 0.02864 95 87 8 0
4243 You’re not the only fungi around here, Grant. 1.0842 0.03232 95 88 6 1
4244 Did you see ? They raised the propane prices again. 1.0842 0.03561 95 89 4 2
4245 I'm staying cozy until you get that fire lit. 1.0842 0.02864 95 87 8 0
4246 For your gift this year I’ve decided to indulge your foot fetish 1.0842 0.02864 95 87 8 0
4247 Hop to, start the fire then we'll stuff the socks. 1.0841 0.02696 107 98 9 0
4248 Santa lost some weight this year. 1.0841 0.03005 107 99 7 1
4249 If I had some lingerie, I’d look just like the pin-up from your fantasy-girl magazine. 1.0833 0.03199 96 89 6 1
4250 Sorry. I am leaving, you are on your own. 1.0833 0.03474 84 78 5 1
4251 Either get that furnace fixed or the only stuffer you'll get this year will be me. 1.0833 0.02836 96 88 8 0
4252 The pharmacy was closed and it was my year to get the stocking stuffers. 1.0833 0.03034 84 77 7 0
4253 I like these better than the ones Santa gave me. 1.0833 0.03830 72 67 4 1
4254 Do you expect me to just come out and tell you what I want for Christmas? 1.0833 0.03034 84 77 7 0
4255 I didn’t know the Yule Log was a cake!! Do you have other suggestions on how to keep warm? 1.0833 0.03199 96 89 6 1
4256 Both of you are getting coal this year anyway. 1.0833 0.02836 96 88 8 0
4257 Eeny, meeny, miny, moe ... 1.0833 0.03199 96 89 6 1
4258 Unfortunately, Xenia, a spy from Cygnus X-1, gave herself away by mistaking the Christmas stockings for footwear. 1.0833 0.03474 84 78 5 1
4259 You said u wanted a gift that was out of the world 1.0833 0.03199 96 89 6 1
4260 Ugh, they don't fit like Uggs! 1.0826 0.02648 109 100 9 0
4261 I am just breaking them in. I asked Santa for a better "me" this year. 1.0825 0.03167 97 90 6 1
4262 I'm estimating two feet worth of present potential. 1.0825 0.03167 97 90 6 1
4263 What Hews’s do with Christmas stoo 1.0825 0.02808 97 89 8 0
4264 I'v got it all covered, trust me. 1.0825 0.02808 97 89 8 0
4265 The only way to fill them this season. 1.0825 0.03167 97 90 6 1
4266 You say you bought ‘only three’. Why don’t I believe you? 1.0824 0.02999 85 78 7 0
4267 Look, let's cut out the middleman. No need to give me more socks this year. 1.0824 0.03821 85 80 3 2
4268 You didn’t light the fire. 1.0824 0.03435 85 79 5 1
4269 I think these will look great at the Christmas party 1.0824 0.03821 85 80 3 2
4270 It’s my tradition, and I didn’t make fun of you for taking perfectly good oats and making reindeer food. 1.0824 0.02999 85 78 7 0
4271 Uggs are meant to be worn. 1.0816 0.03136 98 91 6 1
4272 I know you wanted me to get new stockings, but this isn't what I had in mind... 1.0816 0.03455 98 92 4 2
4273 They said one size fits all.... 1.0816 0.02780 98 90 8 0
4274 Sorry…I thought these were mittens. 1.0816 0.02780 98 90 8 0
4275 Why did you hang my shoes over the chimney? 1.0816 0.03455 98 92 4 2
4276 Santa likes 'em sweaty. 1.0814 0.02966 86 79 7 0
4277 How did you know I wished for you to have warm feet this year 1.0814 0.03396 86 80 5 1
4278 My feet felt a bit cold, so I decided to borrow them until Christmas Eve. Santa won't mind. 1.0814 0.03396 86 80 5 1
4279 You should have considered all the advantages of larger boots. 1.0814 0.02966 86 79 7 0
4280 What? I have to take the dog out. s 1.0814 0.02966 86 79 7 0
4281 Well, I got new boots on Black Friday, so… 1.0814 0.03396 86 80 5 1
4282 Then light the dam fireplace but I'm cold! 1.0811 0.03729 74 69 4 1
4283 I know my socks are big but do you think Santa will worry? 1.0811 0.03170 111 104 5 2
4284 I'm giving the gift of more o 1.0808 0.02753 99 91 8 0
4285 Ok…so once I’m on the hooks, I’ll grab the wreath and hold it out so you can jump through headfirst and land in that stocking cap…. 1.0808 0.02753 99 91 8 0
4286 It’s part of my efforts towards environmental sustainability. 1.0805 0.02933 87 80 7 0
4287 You're the one that said he wanted to play footsies in a three-way! 1.0805 0.03358 87 81 5 1
4288 SAN TA ALSO ONE FOOT AT A TIME 1.0805 0.03358 87 81 5 1
4289 nan 1.0805 0.02933 87 80 7 0
4290 Well, I can't put them both on at once. 1.0805 0.03358 87 81 5 1
4291 You said you wanted dogs for Christmas 1.0805 0.02933 87 80 7 0
4292 I’m sorry I never got my bonus! There, are you happy now! 1.0800 0.03154 75 69 6 0
4293 Nothing gets Santa's full attention like the scent of toe jam. 1.0800 0.02727 100 92 8 0
4294 This floor is freezing!Get the other one on and hop-along! 1.0800 0.03681 75 70 4 1
4295 our warmth doesn’t come in boxes. 1.0800 0.02727 100 92 8 0
4296 It’s snowing very hard…candy 1.0800 0.03075 100 93 6 1
4297 Oh go on. You can wear them. Xx 1.0800 0.02727 100 92 8 0
4298 I think it's Santa's conceptual and sustainable gift, stressing you are the only present valuable in my life. 1.0800 0.03681 75 70 4 1
4299 Readily available stocking fillers! 1.0795 0.02901 88 81 7 0
4300 Fine Honey, I will get you the inversion table for Christmas” 1.0795 0.02901 88 81 7 0
4301 Don’t be ridiculous, I am not having an affair with Santa. 1.0795 0.02901 88 81 7 0
4302 Well, it beats putting up a real tree! 1.0795 0.02901 88 81 7 0
4303 No, these are for the three-legged Santa trot race 1.0795 0.03321 88 82 5 1
4304 Your klompen are by the door, Steve. 1.0795 0.03693 88 83 3 2
4305 now trending on newyorkercaptions fashion. Christmas stockings getting ready to hit the run way fashion week & trending from whoville I think. 1.0795 0.02901 88 81 7 0
4306 Is part of the prenuptial agreement” 1.0792 0.02701 101 93 8 0
4307 This smell will guarantee Santa puts Doctor Scholl's Odor Fighting Insoles in our stockings. 1.0792 0.02701 101 93 8 0
4308 If you'd lit a fire they'd be dry by now. 1.0787 0.02870 89 82 7 0
4309 How do you feel about a reindeer rescue? 1.0787 0.02870 89 82 7 0
4310 Just checking for any nuts or candy we missed from last year. 1.0787 0.03285 89 83 5 1
4311 Happy Holidays, Santa Cos. 1.0787 0.02870 89 82 7 0
4312 I put them on for fun, but I forgot that I left those tubes of super glue in there last year. 1.0787 0.02870 89 82 7 0
4313 Thank you. I needed those! 1.0787 0.02870 89 82 7 0
4314 "It's always at Christmas that I miss Long John Silver!" 1.0787 0.03285 89 83 5 1
4315 Your foot fetish comes earlier every year. 1.0787 0.03285 89 83 5 1
4316 I’ve been looking for these all year long 1.0787 0.03653 89 84 3 2
4317 OK, you be the one to explain to least naughty 2 of our children tomorrow why there was not even lumps of coal for them. 1.0784 0.02675 102 94 8 0
4318 I’ve always wondered if these can be used as REAL stockings! 1.0779 0.03075 77 71 6 0
4319 Snowmageddon is coming. Christmas is cancelled this year 1.0778 0.03249 90 84 5 1
4320 Remember, honey? I brought the dog into this relationship 1.0778 0.02839 90 83 7 0
4321 Why are you looking at me like that, honey? Gas prices are going up! 1.0778 0.03249 90 84 5 1
4322 Just because you’ve occupied my brain for fifty-five years doesn’t mean you get to starve me to death. 1.0778 0.03613 90 85 3 2
4323 Blocked chimney? No problem. He'll see footprints in the snow. 1.0778 0.03249 90 84 5 1
4324 What did he see?, it was me - stuffing the stockings for me 1.0778 0.03249 90 84 5 1
4325 What? The fire went out and my feet were cold! 1.0778 0.03249 90 84 5 1
4326 it takes a good year before it's fully toasty! 1.0777 0.03291 103 97 4 2
4327 Waiting until February to turn on the heat was your choice. You caused this. 1.0777 0.02988 103 96 6 1
4328 I thought claiming down the chimney was your job. Just because the tradition reads Santa , it does not necessarily means that it was referring to a woman. 1.0769 0.03543 78 73 4 1
4329 Maybe stepping into the wreath would keep your other foot warm, dear. 1.0769 0.03037 78 72 6 0
4330 Christmas sucks. 1.0769 0.03214 91 85 5 1
4331 You’ll never guess where I put the Christmas Tree 1.0769 0.03214 91 85 5 1
4332 Santa baby… wrap me up underneath the wreath 1.0761 0.03536 92 87 3 2
4333 Welcome to my version of an affordable electric vehicle for 2024, honey! 1.0761 0.03180 92 86 5 1
4334 They keep my feet warm. 1.0761 0.03180 92 86 5 1
4335 A Mild Misunderstanding: The Mistake of the Satsuma Shoe Soles. 1.0761 0.02779 92 85 7 0
4336 Christmas socks again? Or Did the dryer eat my Christmas sock again this year. 1.0755 0.02578 106 98 8 0
4337 I’ll learn to fit them. 1.0753 0.03147 93 87 5 1
4338 Actually, I thought these were for wearing when it's cold outside..... 1.0753 0.03147 93 87 5 1
4339 Maybe I wouldn’t have to put these on if you cared more about paying our heating bill on time than you did hanging these by the chimney 1.0753 0.03147 93 87 5 1
4340 They’re called moon stockings 1.0753 0.03147 93 87 5 1
4341 You take the wreath down. We need lettuce. Happy sustainable Christmas! 1.0750 0.03887 80 76 2 2
4342 I'm hoping for odor eaters in my stocking 1.0745 0.02722 94 87 7 0
4343 Shall I deck the halls in my ho-ho-hose? 1.0745 0.02722 94 87 7 0
4344 It’s a capitalist scheme anyway 1.0745 0.03114 94 88 5 1
4345 Even the littlest bit of a stretch will help. 1.0741 0.03840 81 77 2 2
4346 Where is the fruit cake? 1.0737 0.03082 95 89 5 1
4347 This year I’m keeping it simple. I’m giving you ME as a gift. 1.0737 0.02695 95 88 7 0
4348 Trust me. This will pay for Christmas. 1.0737 0.02695 95 88 7 0
4349 Much more useful this way than the Stuff that Santa leaves in 'em. 1.0737 0.03082 95 89 5 1
4350 I couldn't afford blue cheese for the stocking stuffers. 1.0732 0.02894 82 76 6 0
4351 Don’t worry, the coal will neutralize the foot smell. 1.0732 0.02894 82 76 6 0
4352 I remember when I could crawl all the way in and wait for Santato come. 1.0732 0.02894 82 76 6 0
4353 Baby's First Christmas 1.0732 0.02894 82 76 6 0
4354 I'm just trying to pick myself up by my bootstraps, dear. 1.0729 0.03051 96 90 5 1
4355 I know you said we would do stockings this year, but we are either one short or one too many ! 1.0729 0.02668 96 89 7 0
4356 My Doc Martens got nothing on these... 1.0729 0.02668 96 89 7 0
4357 You really think the white trim on these is gonna show under my UGG boots? 1.0727 0.02803 110 103 6 1
4358 Fuck the three legged race and the patriarchal attachment theory it was built on. Go pound coal Sam! 1.0725 0.03761 69 65 3 1
4359 This way , for me, it's Christmas all year. 1.0723 0.02860 83 77 6 0
4360 I saw the boxes. No hope for a visit from St. Nicholas. 1.0723 0.02860 83 77 6 0
4361 I said the one thing I wanted on Christmas was a warm fire. 1.0723 0.03334 83 78 4 1
4362 Think of them as walking gifts. 1.0723 0.02860 83 77 6 0
4363 What? If I leave yours empty too, at least I get new stockings to wear. 1.0722 0.02641 97 90 7 0
4364 I'm getting cold feet about buying you a gift. 1.0722 0.02641 97 90 7 0
4365 I’ve decided to wear them as clothes. 1.0722 0.02641 97 90 7 0
4366 We'd have even fewer decorations if you hadn't won that Grand Prix 1.0714 0.03705 84 80 2 2
4367 Well, you said to fill the stockings with a gift. 1.0714 0.02827 84 78 6 0
4368 Lump of coal, unpedicured feet—same diff. 1.0714 0.03295 84 79 4 1
4369 My feet are cold; you know Santa is a hoax 1.0714 0.03324 98 93 3 2
4370 Don't you realize it's time for Christmas snow shoes? 1.0714 0.02615 98 91 7 0
4371 Where’s the other one? I thought we were going to match. 1.0714 0.02990 98 92 5 1
4372 I expect that this season the stocking will be on the other foot! 1.0714 0.02827 84 78 6 0
4373 It clearly does not need one. 1.0707 0.02589 99 92 7 0
4374 Whatever turns you on, dear. 1.0706 0.02795 85 79 6 0
4375 I'll just cut off one of my feet and we'll both be snuggly warm. 1.0706 0.03662 85 81 2 2
4376 And when you pull these stockings off, I’m also going to curl up under the tree for you 1.0706 0.03257 85 80 4 1
4377 To protect my feet when I dance around drunk all night listening to rock'n'roll music. There's one left: you know that it could be for you. 1.0702 0.02707 114 107 6 1
4378 OK, I’ll give you a hint—the present inside will keep one of your hands warm. 1.0700 0.02564 100 93 7 0
4379 SO, WE ARE DOING CHRISTMAS REAL PEOPLE? 1.0700 0.02564 100 93 7 0
4380 Well, you're already wearing your stocking feet, so... 1.0700 0.02564 100 93 7 0
4381 How ironic? Last Christmas you thought sock clips were a terrible stocking stuffer idea. 1.0698 0.03220 86 81 4 1
4382 See, I told you these DIY crafts would be worth the money someday. 1.0693 0.02540 101 94 7 0
4383 Look, I need my Ugg Boots on! 1.0693 0.02904 101 95 5 1
4384 Oh so now we need two more stockings for you 1.0690 0.02732 87 81 6 0
4385 Vintage Christmas stocking made in 2109 1.0690 0.03184 87 82 4 1
4386 I wish you would get new stockings before next winter." 1.0690 0.02732 87 81 6 0
4387 What?! They don’t care, they’re dead! 1.0690 0.03579 87 83 2 2
4388 Because if I actually wear them, I'm not just commercializing and cheating to get more gifts, why do you ask? 1.0686 0.02516 102 95 7 0
4389 Santa won't here me coming this year. 1.0685 0.02977 73 68 5 0
4390 Well, these are your gift to me, but you'll have to wait for yours 1.0682 0.02702 88 82 6 0
4391 Fits fine, sock it to me! 1.0682 0.03149 88 83 4 1
4392 Just how many pairs of stockings will this white-haired dude take from me ! 1.0682 0.02702 88 82 6 0
4393 My turn to only get YOU halfway there. 1.0682 0.02702 88 82 6 0
4394 Peace is an old chestnut.” 1.0682 0.02702 88 82 6 0
4395 If you had made a fire my feet wouldn't be cold. 1.0676 0.02938 74 69 5 0
4396 I wanted to personalize it this year and I read that Athlete's Foot is trending as THE stocking stuffer for 2023. 1.0674 0.03114 89 84 4 1
4397 After the house it's my turn to be decorated and look I bought myself these Christmas socks. Very cute !! 1.0674 0.02673 89 83 6 0
4398 Barb to Bill: "Come January 1, I'd rather not pay taxes on ALLL of these prize winnings from Santa. On me, they count as a 1099 gigworker write-off." 1.0674 0.03114 89 84 4 1
4399 What did I say about using my socks as stockings 1.0674 0.03114 89 84 4 1
4400 You get a Hanakuh gift! 1.0673 0.02469 104 97 7 0
4401 You're sure the fire is out? I'm going up! 1.0667 0.02644 90 84 6 0
4402 Just checking to see which is the largest so I’ll know which to hang. 1.0667 0.03466 75 71 3 1
4403 Finally, the mail just arrived. 1.0667 0.02644 90 84 6 0
4404 You have been a good boy this year Mr. Tarantino! 1.0660 0.02424 106 99 7 0
4405 Someone shit in the stockings. 1.0659 0.02616 91 85 6 0
4406 I figured I should wear two, and you should wear one, to represent how much work each of us does during this season. 1.0659 0.03047 91 86 4 1
4407 That is extremely uncomfortable. 1.0652 0.03015 92 87 4 1
4408 Oh good, I have you a pair that will match. 1.0652 0.03015 92 87 4 1
4409 I saw on-line that squishy chocolate does wonders for psoriasis of the feet. 1.0652 0.02588 92 86 6 0
4410 I was on my feet all day shopping for gifts, and they hurt. 1.0652 0.03015 92 87 4 1
4411 This way you can't claim that the candy canes on the felt Christmas tree stocking are my actual gift. 1.0652 0.02588 92 86 6 0
4412 I thought that designer got cancelled 1.0652 0.02588 92 86 6 0
4413 So you actually think he’s going to come down this chimney and leave you slippers. 1.0652 0.02588 92 86 6 0
4414 I don't know. ..It just came to me . . In hopes that Cute Walking would soon have a Pair . .For the Office Blow Out and then Who Knows elsewhere . . 1.0649 0.03377 77 73 3 1
4415 Because of the economy, I'm all you're getting for Christmas. 1.0645 0.02561 93 87 6 0
4416 No I'm not disappointed and of course you are a gift! 1.0645 0.02561 93 87 6 0
4417 Ten little piggies for your stocking stuffers! 1.0645 0.02983 93 88 4 1
4418 Listen,things have changed in Texas. It could plunge into an icy hell at any moment. I 1.0645 0.02561 93 87 6 0
4419 It's the only way to test if they've been stuffed. 1.0641 0.03335 78 74 3 1
4420 Why are you wearing the stockings because there not the socks you wear it’s a sock that Santa puts toys in 1.0641 0.02791 78 73 5 0
4421 I think they have more kick than a regular Christmas sweater. 1.0641 0.03335 78 74 3 1
4422 Times are tough so I'm repurposing my Christmas stockings! 1.0638 0.02535 94 88 6 0
4423 I thought these stockings would be a little more stocking-er then this…how do I look? 1.0638 0.02535 94 88 6 0
4424 Hop hop hop. 1.0638 0.02952 94 89 4 1
4425 They’re duel purpose. 1.0636 0.02338 110 103 7 0
4426 It's called a stocking, you're supposed to stock it. 1.0632 0.02921 95 90 4 1
4427 Where is your other sock? 1.0625 0.03253 80 76 3 1
4428 i couldn’t find anything more representative of “feminism” as a stocking filler 1.0625 0.02723 80 75 5 0
4429 Hmm you could take those as gifts. 1.0625 0.02723 80 75 5 0
4430 Sorry honey, we can't afford the heating, let alone any Christmas presents. 1.0619 0.02459 97 91 6 0
4431 Sorry, there's only one left for you 1.0619 0.02459 97 91 6 0
4432 Our invisible teenage son needs one, too. 1.0619 0.02459 97 91 6 0
4433 Sorry, not enough for you! 1.0617 0.02691 81 76 5 0
4434 „I guess we DO need the second cat to fullfill all the requirements of the door numer 6 adult-advent-calender your aunt gave us.“ 1.0610 0.02659 82 77 5 0
4435 Turn up the thermostat already, for Christ's sake Corey! 1.0602 0.03137 83 79 3 1
4436 Thanks for letting me borrow these. 1.0602 0.03137 83 79 3 1
4437 Honey, I said stocking stuffers not stocking stuff-hers 1.0602 0.03137 83 79 3 1
4438 ....now you know who wears the boots in the family. 1.0595 0.02597 84 79 5 0
4439 Don't worry, they canceled the meeting with the Board on the 25th. 1.0595 0.02597 84 79 5 0
4440 "I think we need a bigger size." 1.0595 0.02597 84 79 5 0
4441 These booties may not be made for walking, but I am OUT of here, and for good this time! 1.0595 0.03101 84 80 3 1
4442 Our family is about to grow by two feet 1.0595 0.02597 84 79 5 0
4443 Since it was YOUR idea to fly over the holidays, it’s up to you to get the Yule Log there without paying extra baggage fees. 1.0595 0.02597 84 79 5 0
4444 Awww yeah, we bout to bang baby. 1.0595 0.02597 84 79 5 0
4445 See? This is why I call my feet 'stuffers'. 1.0594 0.02364 101 95 6 0
4446 Well this is the kind of present I'd expect for Hanukkah, Kevin! 1.0588 0.02567 85 80 5 0
4447 I hope you took the stuffers out first. 1.0588 0.02567 85 80 5 0
4448 ? You didn’t light the fire ?? so I’ll place the stockings on my feet ? which feel cold today ? 1.0581 0.03452 86 83 1 2
4449 The heating bills are getting so expensive, I thought maybe we can turn down the heat and use these. 1.0581 0.02538 86 81 5 0
4450 But the best stocking stuffeer is a severed foot. 1.0581 0.02538 86 81 5 0
4451 I broke ankles in a sleigh ride. 1.0581 0.02538 86 81 5 0
4452 Last year they made barbecue with the coal. This year it's bad smell for them. 1.0577 0.02673 104 99 4 1
4453 I’m using the inflatable snow globe, as an exercise trampoline. 1.0575 0.02510 87 82 5 0
4454 I put them there! 1.0575 0.02510 87 82 5 0
4455 these christmas sockings are just my size. 1.0571 0.02794 70 66 4 0
4456 My stockings won’t fill themselves, Dan!” 1.0568 0.02482 88 83 5 0
4457 Trust me, that Bradshaw-Parker girl will be seen copying MY idea, and BOOM! wearing Christmas stockings will be the new thing in fashion! 1.0566 0.02255 106 100 6 0
4458 This year I'm just asking Santa for warmth. 1.0562 0.02929 89 85 3 1
4459 Listen, I know the gas prices have got down but … 1.0562 0.02455 89 84 5 0
4460 For sale: Buttcrack, never wiped 1.0561 0.02235 107 101 6 0
4461 I thought we agreed not to buy anything new this year. 1.0556 0.02428 90 85 5 0
4462 Better to have feet in them than coal 1.0556 0.02428 90 85 5 0
4463 What? Isn’t this where stockings belong? 1.0556 0.02428 90 85 5 0
4464 Friends? …. Or friendlier? 1.0549 0.02402 91 86 5 0
4465 I’d rather have coal than you. This marriage is a sham. 1.0543 0.02835 92 88 3 1
4466 That's it. You don't have to get me anything else. 1.0543 0.02376 92 87 5 0
4467 it puts the stockings on or else it gets the ho ho hos again 1.0543 0.02835 92 88 3 1
4468 Yes, I'm a believer in Big Foot! 1.0541 0.02647 74 70 4 0
4469 Bob, what did you do with your other sock? Lose it in the washing machine? 1.0538 0.02805 93 89 3 1
4470 I’m the ghost of Christmas present and am supposed to haunt you tonight but I got cold feet. 1.0538 0.02352 93 88 5 0
4471 The third stocking is for Santa in case he can't wiggle down the chimney all the way. 1.0538 0.02352 93 88 5 0
4472 On the fifth day of Christmas my true love gave to me five golden ringworms. 1.0532 0.02327 94 89 5 0
4473 And if they don't notice by Christmas day, I'll buy you that necklace. 1.0532 0.02327 94 89 5 0
4474 These are yours. Your gift is already in. Please don't wait until morning to open. 1.0532 0.02327 94 89 5 0
4475 They say the economy just keeps getting stronger! 1.0532 0.02327 94 89 5 0
4476 But you told me there ain't no Santa Claus 1.0526 0.02578 76 72 4 0
4477 I was today years old when I realized this. 1.0526 0.02303 95 90 5 0
4478 oh shit, another Coal from Cas cartoon... 1.0521 0.02280 96 91 5 0
4479 If the stocking fits, wear it. The shoe store was closed for the holidays. 1.0521 0.02280 96 91 5 0
4480 Yes, I know we said 'no shoes', but hey ... they're stockings, OK?? 1.0519 0.02546 77 73 4 0
4481 I’m sorry Herbert, I just go YOU the one… 1.0515 0.02691 97 93 3 1
4482 Never mind, you 66 have to turn the thermostat up now. 1.0513 0.03106 78 75 2 1
4483 Now that the kids are grown and flown,I didn 1.0510 0.02234 98 93 5 0
4484 Ok, now go get the hacksaw. You both get half a mom leg this Xmas! 1.0510 0.02234 98 93 5 0
4485 'Won't you prefer my stockings to get knocked off this year?' . 1.0510 0.02234 98 93 5 0
4486 Gather more firewood. The commies will shut off the electricity; they've already banned natural gas. We've got to survive so we can fight our government. 1.0500 0.02452 80 76 4 0
4487 Send them to the kids?! They won't keep anything this old! 1.0500 0.02452 80 76 4 0
4488 I've been listening to a lot of Elton John this season. 1.0500 0.02452 80 76 4 0
4489 Inflation is hitting everywhere. 1.0495 0.02586 101 97 3 1
4490 Want to play hockey? Or stupid? 1.0494 0.02422 81 77 4 0
4491 I'm being very naughty. Santa should make me moo! 1.0488 0.02956 82 79 2 1
4492 Really?? You don't think we've got enough stuff in this house?? 1.0488 0.02393 82 78 4 0
4493 They are at that age of filling their time with new sweethearts, so I'm filling their stockings with my feet. 1.0488 0.02393 82 78 4 0
4494 I told you what would happen if you kept that thermostat at 60. 1.0476 0.02338 84 80 4 0
4495 This holiday feels like such a gyp. 1.0476 0.02338 84 80 4 0
4496 It was never a 'kicking' holiday, just so you know. 1.0476 0.02338 84 80 4 0
4497 I confess, I never did believe in Santa Clause." 1.0472 0.02069 106 101 5 0
4498 Aren't you putting on the reindeer antlers? 1.0471 0.02853 85 82 2 1
4499 I thought you and Stacy would like to smell my not-washed-all-week socks on your candy canes. 1.0471 0.02311 85 81 4 0
4500 We'd have room for four stockings with a dresser. 1.0471 0.02311 85 81 4 0
4501 Tis' the season to stock up on fuzzy socks. 1.0465 0.02284 86 82 4 0
4502 Bidenomics. 1.0465 0.02820 86 83 2 1
4503 If your feet are cold too, we'll have to 3-legged-race it around the house. 1.0465 0.02284 86 82 4 0
4504 -I found your missing socks, they were hiding in the dryer. We can stocking now, if you like. 1.0465 0.02284 86 82 4 0
4505 We were invited to three different massacre parties.” 1.0463 0.02031 108 103 5 0
4506 Weird place to put your stockings :/ 1.0459 0.02013 109 104 5 0
4507 Boots with the fur 1.0444 0.02184 90 86 4 0
4508 What else am I supposed to do? Every time I turn around, Dad turns down the heat again. 1.0430 0.02115 93 89 4 0
4509 I’m returning these. The salesman is picking them up tonight. 1.0430 0.02115 93 89 4 0
4510 What? Also my OnlyFans followers love Christmas 1.0426 0.02093 94 90 4 0
4511 Wearing just one stocking couldn't contain all this holiday fun - apparently, my festive spirit needed a backup plan 1.0426 0.02093 94 90 4 0
4512 The kids have their own lives, won't be here for the holidays, and I repurposed these. 1.0421 0.02071 95 91 4 0
4513 I decided to give the kids some jam instead of coal this year. 1.0421 0.02555 95 92 2 1
4514 Well, we did sell all my dirty socks to pay off student loans, Tom. I thought you knew about it. 1.0400 0.01969 100 96 4 0
4515 Ashley and Dylan have decided to stay home this year.... 1.0395 0.02248 76 73 3 0
4516 St. Nicholas puts the candy in shoes, not stockings. You hear that Santa? 1.0395 0.02248 76 73 3 0
4517 Why are you looking at me like that? My feet are cold. 🥶 1.0385 0.02192 78 75 3 0
4518 Because you treat me like a lump of coal, Greg. 1.0380 0.02816 79 77 1 1
4519 Take me to the hospital, John. I’m having another episode…I snapped and drowned the elf on the shelf in figgy pudding…it’s bad this time. And tell your mother…I won’t be home for Christmas.” *dramatic sting* Directed by Dick Wolf 1.0380 0.02164 79 76 3 0
4520 You didn’t want to buy matching pairs. 1.0366 0.02086 82 79 3 0
4521 With the help of these radioactive stockings, I'll finally be able to defeat Coal-Heart and win back Christmas cheer. 1.0353 0.02013 85 82 3 0
4522 They say coal is good for the toes. 1.0349 0.01990 86 83 3 0
4523 …And that’s when I found out I was married to The Little Mermaid 1.0345 0.01968 87 84 3 0
4524 With inflation out of control, Amy was excited for the holidays to finally have stockings to wear 1.0337 0.01924 89 86 3 0
4525 Two of the triplets were naughty this year. 1.0294 0.02064 68 66 2 0
4526 It makes more sense for the delivery driver to leave them by the door. 1.0286 0.01634 105 102 3 0
4527 Of course I try them on! What do you think they do until next Christmas? 1.0270 0.01898 74 72 2 0
4528 There's no such thing as Santa, but there IS such a thing as frostbitten toes! 1.0247 0.01735 81 79 2 0
4529 This is my way for getting more candy during Christmas than I can steal from our kids on Halloween. 1.0244 0.02439 82 81 0 1
4530 If Oprah wanted her guests to take off their shoes AND socks she should've installed under floor heating 1.0241 0.01693 83 81 2 0
4531 My legs are your gift from Santa 1.0238 0.01673 84 82 2 0
4532 - Sorry, Joe, there’s only one left! - Don’t worry, Susan, hope this works as a wake up call to what I told you about having a second kid! 1.0233 0.01635 86 84 2 0
4533 Stockings with my two favorite people’s names? You shouldn’t have. But who’s going to wear my name on only one leg? 1.0227 0.01598 88 86 2 0
4534 I figured since Christmas is over, might as well give them another use! 1.0112 0.01130 89 88 1 0