Rank |
Caption |
Mean |
Precision |
Total votes |
"Unfunny" votes |
"Somewhat funny" votes |
"Funny" votes |
0 |
Congratulations. We've found millions of compatible donors. |
1.7939 |
0.01875 |
1718 |
732 |
608 |
378 |
1 |
You might want to put on your surprised eyebrows for what I’m about to say. |
1.7816 |
0.01377 |
3453 |
1590 |
1027 |
836 |
2 |
What is your level of pain? Six-potato, seven-potato, eight-potato, more? |
1.7709 |
0.01961 |
1750 |
835 |
481 |
434 |
3 |
At your age, just be thankful you still have all your original parts. |
1.7590 |
0.01510 |
2610 |
1167 |
905 |
538 |
4 |
You're in good hands. He's in 4th grade and has performed hundreds of these surgeries since kindergarden |
1.7506 |
0.01543 |
2634 |
1236 |
819 |
579 |
5 |
So is it Mr. Potāto, or Mr. Potäto? |
1.7480 |
0.01557 |
2579 |
1213 |
803 |
563 |
6 |
A bit less time on the couch, perhaps. |
1.7391 |
0.01558 |
2507 |
1175 |
811 |
521 |
7 |
Have you tried pulling it out and putting it back in? |
1.7388 |
0.01559 |
2577 |
1231 |
788 |
558 |
8 |
Yes sir, we can schedule you for the nose job. But it’ll cost you an arm and a leg. |
1.7366 |
0.01874 |
1758 |
835 |
551 |
372 |
9 |
It doesn't look good, I'm afraid. You have a tuber. |
1.7359 |
0.01953 |
1613 |
765 |
509 |
339 |
10 |
Your bloodwork is back. I’ve never seen this before - it just says, “Needs salt.” |
1.7311 |
0.01775 |
1967 |
945 |
606 |
416 |
11 |
Correct, Mr. Tater, tying your tubers means no more tots. |
1.7210 |
0.01616 |
2556 |
1309 |
651 |
596 |
12 |
Well in my experience these things don't just fall off. |
1.7157 |
0.01570 |
2385 |
1136 |
791 |
458 |
13 |
We'll have to do more tests, but it appears you're in a vegetative state. |
1.7118 |
0.01704 |
2085 |
1018 |
650 |
417 |
14 |
''We can rule out your neck.'' |
1.7076 |
0.01538 |
2534 |
1238 |
799 |
497 |
15 |
The problem appears to be all in your head. |
1.7039 |
0.01504 |
2641 |
1295 |
833 |
513 |
16 |
No more butter, sour cream, bacon, cheese or salt. |
1.7031 |
0.01570 |
2482 |
1237 |
745 |
500 |
17 |
When was the last time you had your eyes replaced? |
1.7030 |
0.01865 |
1596 |
750 |
570 |
276 |
18 |
Do you spend much time on your couch? |
1.6994 |
0.01871 |
1700 |
838 |
535 |
327 |
19 |
I keep telling you, french fries will be the death of you. |
1.6885 |
0.01629 |
2363 |
1223 |
653 |
487 |
20 |
It’s all in your head. |
1.6876 |
0.01453 |
2804 |
1405 |
870 |
529 |
21 |
Second opinion? I think you're delicious. |
1.6865 |
0.02127 |
1314 |
661 |
404 |
249 |
22 |
So how are the tots doing? |
1.6821 |
0.01458 |
2812 |
1429 |
848 |
535 |
23 |
Good news: I believe we can just turn that frown upside down |
1.6751 |
0.01813 |
1668 |
816 |
578 |
274 |
24 |
Don’t worry. This surgery is child’s play. |
1.6693 |
0.01776 |
1624 |
773 |
615 |
236 |
25 |
Initial test results from the colonoscopy indicate we have located your glasses, your angry eyes, and your wife's purse. |
1.6652 |
0.01853 |
1822 |
977 |
478 |
367 |
26 |
Stay away from the butter, sour cream and chives and you'll live a lot longer |
1.6600 |
0.01965 |
1450 |
736 |
471 |
243 |
27 |
Let's pull off a shoe and check your prostate. |
1.6592 |
0.02072 |
1385 |
728 |
401 |
256 |
28 |
You skipped the end-of-life directive. What'll it be pal? French, Scalloped, or Mashed? |
1.6554 |
0.01959 |
1544 |
815 |
446 |
283 |
29 |
In your case, smoking pot and getting baked has very different consequences. |
1.6539 |
0.01869 |
1670 |
876 |
496 |
298 |
30 |
Your cholesterol is fine, but your starch level is off the charts. |
1.6507 |
0.01797 |
1709 |
874 |
558 |
277 |
31 |
This procedure will stop you from having tots. |
1.6476 |
0.01712 |
2131 |
1173 |
536 |
422 |
32 |
Luckily, you're a great candidate for a transplant. |
1.6470 |
0.01724 |
1847 |
948 |
603 |
296 |
33 |
According to your chart you can literally turn that frown upside down |
1.6461 |
0.02134 |
1229 |
638 |
388 |
203 |
34 |
My god, Larry, has no one ever told you that you are what you eat? |
1.6412 |
0.01731 |
1965 |
1057 |
556 |
352 |
35 |
Your potassium is a little high. |
1.6330 |
0.01813 |
1564 |
794 |
550 |
220 |
36 |
This procedure usually involves long, complex plastic surgery. But in your case, I could give you a completely new nose in under a minute. |
1.6296 |
0.01814 |
1582 |
813 |
542 |
227 |
37 |
Normally a full facial reconstruction is an arduous procedure but in your case…. |
1.6250 |
0.01832 |
1512 |
773 |
533 |
206 |
38 |
I know you're *Mr.* Potato Head, but the toy company just never made the part you're inquiring about. I'm sorry. |
1.6250 |
0.01996 |
1496 |
831 |
395 |
270 |
39 |
And where, exactly, are you feeling this headache? |
1.6232 |
0.02000 |
1457 |
802 |
402 |
253 |
40 |
We’ll change out a few parts and you’ll be a new man. |
1.6229 |
0.01925 |
1379 |
710 |
479 |
190 |
41 |
You look good for a man in your shape. |
1.6185 |
0.01939 |
1342 |
692 |
470 |
180 |
42 |
We're transferring you to MASH. |
1.6158 |
0.02185 |
1140 |
613 |
352 |
175 |
43 |
Stop stressing. Losing body parts is just part of the aging process. |
1.6154 |
0.01985 |
1269 |
655 |
447 |
167 |
44 |
We’ve run the DNA, Mr P. The tots are yours. |
1.6143 |
0.02069 |
1501 |
883 |
314 |
304 |
45 |
The x-rays revealed 2 pairs of shoes, 3 hats, and what appears to be an extra nose. |
1.6141 |
0.02083 |
1244 |
668 |
388 |
188 |
46 |
How long have you been peeling like this? |
1.6107 |
0.02068 |
1220 |
648 |
399 |
173 |
47 |
Your plastic surgery looks like it was done by a kindergartner. |
1.6011 |
0.02240 |
1078 |
592 |
324 |
162 |
48 |
When did you first notice your knee problem? |
1.5998 |
0.02567 |
832 |
461 |
243 |
128 |
49 |
I’m afraid it’s a tuber. |
1.5996 |
0.02311 |
1079 |
613 |
285 |
181 |
50 |
We have to remove everything. |
1.5986 |
0.02309 |
1009 |
555 |
304 |
150 |
51 |
You may want to put on your surprised eyebrows for this |
1.5888 |
0.02499 |
980 |
584 |
215 |
181 |
52 |
So I’m just going to pop that ear out and have a look |
1.5878 |
0.02335 |
997 |
561 |
286 |
150 |
53 |
And you say it just fell off? |
1.5870 |
0.02313 |
1000 |
559 |
295 |
146 |
54 |
Besides the persistent vegetative state, everything else looks good. |
1.5862 |
0.02363 |
1003 |
574 |
270 |
159 |
55 |
Apparently the kit does not include ALL the desired body parts... |
1.5852 |
0.02532 |
904 |
527 |
225 |
152 |
56 |
If your sugars get any higher you will be a sweet potato. |
1.5844 |
0.02510 |
883 |
505 |
240 |
138 |
57 |
According to your chart, I haven't seen you since I was ten. |
1.5819 |
0.02770 |
830 |
510 |
157 |
163 |
58 |
You appear to have a detachment disorder. |
1.5806 |
0.02519 |
868 |
497 |
238 |
133 |
59 |
The good news is that from the neck up you are fine; the bad news is that we cannot find the rest of you. |
1.5806 |
0.02558 |
825 |
468 |
235 |
122 |
60 |
Your DNA results... You are definitely not Irish but you do have deep roots in Idaho. |
1.5800 |
0.02459 |
881 |
497 |
257 |
127 |
61 |
Remember, just because something fits into an orifice doesn’t mean it should. |
1.5781 |
0.02561 |
922 |
555 |
201 |
166 |
62 |
For nose jobs, I send all my patients to Alison in Mrs. Armstrong's kindergarten class. |
1.5747 |
0.02549 |
837 |
481 |
231 |
125 |
63 |
It may be tuberculous. |
1.5742 |
0.02571 |
862 |
507 |
215 |
140 |
64 |
The only diagnosis I can come up with is half-baked. |
1.5739 |
0.02531 |
873 |
509 |
227 |
137 |
65 |
Idaho, huh? Heard that’s a beautiful state. |
1.5700 |
0.02729 |
721 |
415 |
201 |
105 |
66 |
I want you to apply sour cream at mealtime. |
1.5680 |
0.02560 |
838 |
489 |
222 |
127 |
67 |
As I thought, it's terminal. What do you wish us to do with your remains? Chips? Fries? Vodka? |
1.5637 |
0.02733 |
793 |
483 |
173 |
137 |
68 |
Good news. Your tuber is benign. |
1.5601 |
0.02763 |
741 |
444 |
179 |
118 |
69 |
Try a different nose for the congestion. |
1.5592 |
0.02734 |
735 |
435 |
189 |
111 |
70 |
It appears it's all in your head. |
1.5588 |
0.02840 |
655 |
381 |
182 |
92 |
71 |
I'm worried about your potassium level. |
1.5584 |
0.02825 |
634 |
362 |
190 |
82 |
72 |
Would you be open to plastic inserts? |
1.5561 |
0.02797 |
624 |
352 |
197 |
75 |
73 |
Great news. Your gender reassignment surgery will be a breeze. |
1.5559 |
0.02764 |
725 |
433 |
181 |
111 |
74 |
The operation will take about three seconds. |
1.5526 |
0.02804 |
646 |
373 |
189 |
84 |
75 |
No need to be alarmed, it's just a sprout. |
1.5519 |
0.02834 |
645 |
376 |
182 |
87 |
76 |
Welcome to your new life in Witness Protection |
1.5509 |
0.02899 |
648 |
387 |
165 |
96 |
77 |
I've never had a patient with such a morbid fear of sour cream. |
1.5508 |
0.02912 |
581 |
332 |
178 |
71 |
78 |
In layman's terms, you're a couch potato. |
1.5494 |
0.02816 |
668 |
395 |
179 |
94 |
79 |
No worries. These days people will understand if you want to become Mrs. Potato Head. |
1.5491 |
0.02753 |
703 |
417 |
186 |
100 |
80 |
My advice is to stay away from mayonnaise, mustard, celery, green peppers, and sliced eggs |
1.5453 |
0.02887 |
607 |
354 |
175 |
78 |
81 |
Just tell me how you got up there. |
1.5443 |
0.02941 |
610 |
363 |
162 |
85 |
82 |
First, how did you get up on the examination table? |
1.5430 |
0.02856 |
639 |
379 |
173 |
87 |
83 |
Are you sure this is your first plastic surgery? |
1.5421 |
0.02808 |
605 |
346 |
190 |
69 |
84 |
Get plenty of rest and stay in a cool, dark cellar. |
1.5398 |
0.02888 |
591 |
344 |
175 |
72 |
85 |
I suggest you quit while you're a head. |
1.5392 |
0.03051 |
612 |
380 |
134 |
98 |
86 |
Viagra won’t help. The only thing I can suggest is that you keep looking around until you find it. |
1.5392 |
0.03212 |
549 |
340 |
122 |
87 |
87 |
You Tuber? |
1.5383 |
0.03137 |
509 |
299 |
146 |
64 |
88 |
It's a simple procedure, if we can find a right ear donor. |
1.5378 |
0.03054 |
569 |
343 |
146 |
80 |
89 |
Fortunately for you, I did my residency at the Mayo Clinic. |
1.5363 |
0.03024 |
619 |
385 |
136 |
98 |
90 |
From my assessment, it looks like you really need to get off the couch more often. |
1.5354 |
0.02878 |
594 |
348 |
174 |
72 |
91 |
Now, how much time do you spend on the couch? |
1.5331 |
0.02838 |
619 |
366 |
176 |
77 |
92 |
Now, let's see if we can turn that frown upside down. |
1.5328 |
0.02897 |
610 |
365 |
165 |
80 |
93 |
So what brings you to the Mayo Clinic? |
1.5299 |
0.03839 |
385 |
242 |
82 |
61 |
94 |
Now what’s this about having eyes in the back of your head? |
1.5296 |
0.03106 |
557 |
342 |
135 |
80 |
95 |
If you could please remove your hat and eyes, we can take a look. |
1.5294 |
0.03047 |
510 |
297 |
156 |
57 |
96 |
Ireland? Really? Of all the places in the world you want to go to Ireland? |
1.5288 |
0.03201 |
469 |
275 |
140 |
54 |
97 |
As we suspected, it’s a tuber. |
1.5272 |
0.03212 |
514 |
315 |
127 |
72 |
98 |
the good news is that we have lots of replacement parts! |
1.5269 |
0.03114 |
520 |
312 |
142 |
66 |
99 |
You might want to put your sad eyes on for this... |
1.5258 |
0.03030 |
542 |
324 |
151 |
67 |
100 |
Good news. Your abdominal scan showed nothing. |
1.5219 |
0.03093 |
548 |
337 |
136 |
75 |
101 |
It says here that you have a fear of frying. |
1.5211 |
0.04396 |
261 |
158 |
70 |
33 |
102 |
I’m glad to see you gave up the pipe. |
1.5202 |
0.03135 |
494 |
295 |
141 |
58 |
103 |
The good news is that we can complete the sex change operation in about a minute |
1.5193 |
0.03268 |
493 |
305 |
120 |
68 |
104 |
I think we can give you a new nose without too much trouble. |
1.5190 |
0.03046 |
499 |
293 |
153 |
53 |
105 |
Just for fun, I'd like to run some tests putting your ears where your eyes go and turning your nose upside down |
1.5187 |
0.03273 |
509 |
320 |
114 |
75 |
106 |
So, how's the knee? |
1.5164 |
0.03216 |
488 |
298 |
128 |
62 |
107 |
The problem seems to be all in your head. |
1.5154 |
0.03285 |
456 |
276 |
125 |
55 |
108 |
Good news The prostate exam found nothing. Absolutely nothing. |
1.5135 |
0.04253 |
296 |
186 |
68 |
42 |
109 |
Unfortunately, the copay is an arm and a leg. |
1.5132 |
0.03383 |
454 |
282 |
111 |
61 |
110 |
Have you checked under the couch? |
1.5102 |
0.03520 |
392 |
238 |
108 |
46 |
111 |
We're going to have to just push it back in and hope it stays on. |
1.5099 |
0.03679 |
353 |
213 |
100 |
40 |
112 |
II’m afraid it is tuberculosis |
1.5096 |
0.03277 |
471 |
291 |
120 |
60 |
113 |
Frankly, it's all in your head |
1.5095 |
0.03270 |
475 |
294 |
120 |
61 |
114 |
It’s simple. We take the old one out, and put a new one in. |
1.5094 |
0.03405 |
424 |
259 |
114 |
51 |
115 |
Well we typically don’t recommend such frequent facial reconstruction |
1.5094 |
0.03144 |
481 |
290 |
137 |
54 |
116 |
If it falls off again, don’t panic. |
1.5090 |
0.03363 |
442 |
272 |
115 |
55 |
117 |
It’s the blight. If there’s been anyone other than the Mrs. you should notify them. |
1.5081 |
0.03601 |
372 |
226 |
103 |
43 |
118 |
There's no easy way to say this, but the tuber has spread throughout your entire body. |
1.5079 |
0.03373 |
443 |
274 |
113 |
56 |
119 |
As long as you keep your eyes peeled, you won't need glasses |
1.5069 |
0.03620 |
432 |
281 |
83 |
68 |
120 |
Let's pop out those eyes and have a look, shall we? |
1.5067 |
0.03588 |
446 |
292 |
82 |
72 |
121 |
Says here you're from Maine. I would have guessed Idaho. |
1.5046 |
0.03250 |
434 |
260 |
129 |
45 |
122 |
Your carbohydrates are complex. |
1.5036 |
0.03364 |
411 |
248 |
119 |
44 |
123 |
Touching your toes is not enough exercise. |
1.5012 |
0.03689 |
401 |
259 |
83 |
59 |
124 |
On the plus side, most of your parts can be replaced. |
1.5012 |
0.03410 |
415 |
255 |
112 |
48 |
125 |
We have you scheduled for rearrangement on Thursday. |
1.5000 |
0.03387 |
386 |
230 |
119 |
37 |
126 |
You have a 102 degree fever, sir; what we call a hot potato. |
1.4980 |
0.04300 |
255 |
156 |
71 |
28 |
127 |
A vasectomy will prevent you from having tater tots. |
1.4941 |
0.03420 |
427 |
269 |
105 |
53 |
128 |
All the results were good. But I'd like to send you for a microwave. |
1.4934 |
0.03644 |
377 |
238 |
92 |
47 |
129 |
It's the carbs. |
1.4922 |
0.03556 |
384 |
240 |
99 |
45 |
130 |
So, Mr. Head, how long have you had this fear of frying? |
1.4908 |
0.03691 |
381 |
245 |
85 |
51 |
131 |
Cute. But I need more specifics than "I yam how I yam." |
1.4894 |
0.03592 |
376 |
236 |
96 |
44 |
132 |
I’m not sure if turning you into Mrs. Potato Head is legal in Florida.” |
1.4852 |
0.03899 |
371 |
249 |
64 |
58 |
133 |
We do need a first name. |
1.4846 |
0.03848 |
324 |
204 |
83 |
37 |
134 |
But you DO have eyes in back of your head! |
1.4846 |
0.03897 |
324 |
206 |
79 |
39 |
135 |
And substances? How often do you get "baked?" |
1.4828 |
0.03417 |
408 |
257 |
105 |
46 |
136 |
What do you mean when you say you feel “empty inside?” |
1.4817 |
0.03812 |
328 |
207 |
84 |
37 |
137 |
You’re not going to like my attachable glove. |
1.4793 |
0.04256 |
338 |
237 |
40 |
61 |
138 |
We’ve talked about this; I can get you new ears anytime, but only in pink. |
1.4783 |
0.03718 |
345 |
219 |
87 |
39 |
139 |
Gender affirming treatment, in your case, is relatively straightforward. I'll go get the parts out of my toy box. |
1.4772 |
0.04016 |
329 |
218 |
65 |
46 |
140 |
Well I think we can rule out the prostate. |
1.4767 |
0.03812 |
365 |
242 |
72 |
51 |
141 |
I don't give this advice to many other patients, but with a couple pounds of butter and a few pounds of bacon, you'll be just right. |
1.4762 |
0.03669 |
357 |
228 |
88 |
41 |
142 |
You’re spending to much time on the couch.” |
1.4759 |
0.03807 |
353 |
231 |
76 |
46 |
143 |
Great news, you're in top shape. The missus and I would like to have you for dinner. |
1.4742 |
0.04139 |
291 |
189 |
66 |
36 |
144 |
And it just pops right off? |
1.4738 |
0.03862 |
325 |
209 |
78 |
38 |
145 |
You have an STD. Seems that lady potato you were with last week was an I-da-ho. |
1.4737 |
0.04007 |
342 |
231 |
60 |
51 |
146 |
You definitely need to get off the couch more often. |
1.4737 |
0.03442 |
361 |
222 |
107 |
32 |
147 |
It appears there’s too much starch in your diet. |
1.4732 |
0.03861 |
336 |
219 |
75 |
42 |
148 |
Please remove your shoes and eyes. |
1.4728 |
0.03618 |
349 |
220 |
93 |
36 |
149 |
To summarize, you are having difficulty getting yourself back together. |
1.4726 |
0.03835 |
328 |
211 |
79 |
38 |
150 |
I'm afraid it's a brain tuber. |
1.4720 |
0.03857 |
339 |
222 |
74 |
43 |
151 |
Your problems are all in your head. |
1.4713 |
0.03974 |
331 |
220 |
66 |
45 |
152 |
Mr. PoTAYto or PoTAHto? |
1.4708 |
0.03898 |
342 |
227 |
69 |
46 |
153 |
It's just a head cold. |
1.4697 |
0.03719 |
330 |
209 |
87 |
34 |
154 |
I see that you declined knee replacement surgery. |
1.4691 |
0.03967 |
324 |
214 |
68 |
42 |
155 |
So, tell me about this position McDonald's offered you. |
1.4677 |
0.03920 |
310 |
200 |
75 |
35 |
156 |
Your test results came back - your vitamin C is good, your potassium is good, your carbs are a little high... |
1.4659 |
0.03594 |
352 |
224 |
92 |
36 |
157 |
I can refer you to an excellent six year old. |
1.4658 |
0.03708 |
322 |
203 |
88 |
31 |
158 |
Now pass me your ears and we'll check your hearing. |
1.4658 |
0.04097 |
292 |
191 |
66 |
35 |
159 |
The x-ray shows you’ll be a vegetable for the rest of your life. |
1.4656 |
0.04028 |
320 |
214 |
63 |
43 |
160 |
I'm not peeling well |
1.4655 |
0.03862 |
333 |
219 |
73 |
41 |
161 |
Congratulations! You've been voted Speaker of the House. |
1.4644 |
0.04367 |
295 |
204 |
45 |
46 |
162 |
When did you first notice that your body parts are, as you say, “interchangeable”? |
1.4642 |
0.03690 |
321 |
202 |
89 |
30 |
163 |
In your case, gender reassignment consists primarily in removing the mustache. |
1.4641 |
0.04010 |
306 |
201 |
68 |
37 |
164 |
Well, that depends on how you define "vegetative state". |
1.4640 |
0.04063 |
278 |
178 |
71 |
29 |
165 |
The bad news: your eyes are failing.
The good news: you can grow more. |
1.4635 |
0.03846 |
315 |
203 |
78 |
34 |
166 |
Sprouting is normal at your age, just keep the hat on |
1.4633 |
0.03784 |
313 |
199 |
83 |
31 |
167 |
More Bad news, it looks like your beginning to sprout! |
1.4627 |
0.04305 |
268 |
177 |
58 |
33 |
168 |
I think it's all in your head |
1.4623 |
0.04125 |
292 |
193 |
63 |
36 |
169 |
I replace knees. I don’t add knees. |
1.4604 |
0.03832 |
328 |
215 |
75 |
38 |
170 |
Okay, now I just need you to remove your accessories and put on a gown. |
1.4601 |
0.03725 |
326 |
209 |
84 |
33 |
171 |
How frequently is it that you find your eyes in your ears? |
1.4598 |
0.03908 |
311 |
203 |
73 |
35 |
172 |
Turns out, it’s all in your head. |
1.4596 |
0.04094 |
272 |
175 |
69 |
28 |
173 |
I know how to put a smile back on your face. |
1.4589 |
0.04152 |
292 |
195 |
60 |
37 |
174 |
I’m referring you to a plastic surgeon. |
1.4585 |
0.04058 |
301 |
200 |
64 |
37 |
175 |
I can only tell you one thing: avoid very hot places in France. |
1.4582 |
0.04023 |
299 |
197 |
67 |
35 |
176 |
So, your chart says you're not peeling well? |
1.4561 |
0.03790 |
296 |
187 |
83 |
26 |
177 |
Please remove your nose. |
1.4560 |
0.03738 |
318 |
204 |
83 |
31 |
178 |
We ran the paternity test- the tater tots are definitely yours |
1.4557 |
0.04017 |
305 |
203 |
65 |
37 |
179 |
Unfortunately the scans do show a tuber. |
1.4555 |
0.04274 |
281 |
190 |
54 |
37 |
180 |
You should get off the couch more. |
1.4545 |
0.03790 |
341 |
227 |
73 |
41 |
181 |
And for your Advanced Directive, mashed, boiled, or double-baked? |
1.4545 |
0.04014 |
308 |
206 |
64 |
38 |
182 |
The good news is you’re a benign tuber. |
1.4543 |
0.03928 |
317 |
211 |
68 |
38 |
183 |
I strongly suggest you avoid sour cream,
chives and bacon bits. |
1.4539 |
0.03937 |
293 |
190 |
73 |
30 |
184 |
It appears to be all in your head. |
1.4533 |
0.04240 |
289 |
197 |
53 |
39 |
185 |
You might want to put your worried face on for this, Mr Potato Head... |
1.4527 |
0.04108 |
296 |
199 |
60 |
37 |
186 |
Could you remove your hat and shoes please? And your eyes and ears and nose and mouth. |
1.4526 |
0.04108 |
285 |
189 |
63 |
33 |
187 |
Mr. Head, I'm referring you for a game called 'Operation.' |
1.4508 |
0.04236 |
244 |
157 |
64 |
23 |
188 |
So we don't have that part in stock, but I can order it for you. |
1.4508 |
0.04315 |
244 |
159 |
60 |
25 |
189 |
Your feelings of paranoia are completely justified. There's a lot of eyes on you. |
1.4505 |
0.03876 |
293 |
189 |
76 |
28 |
190 |
I’m afraid you’ll never be able to have tots. |
1.4505 |
0.04053 |
293 |
195 |
64 |
34 |
191 |
Stay away from cooking oil, butter, sour cream, and spend less time on the couch. |
1.4498 |
0.04295 |
289 |
200 |
48 |
41 |
192 |
Please remove your hat. And nose. And ears. |
1.4498 |
0.03975 |
289 |
189 |
70 |
30 |
193 |
Well sir, we found you a donor. There’s a kid having a garage sale in New Jersey. |
1.4498 |
0.04438 |
249 |
167 |
52 |
30 |
194 |
Very sorry, Mr. Potato. Your insurer didn't approve the new features for you |
1.4498 |
0.04213 |
249 |
161 |
64 |
24 |
195 |
I have some half-baked ideas of what’s wrong with you and if we let the chips fall where they may, I think we can boil down to the problem. |
1.4494 |
0.04180 |
267 |
176 |
62 |
29 |
196 |
Well, I guess that's what makes the difference between a stud and a spud. |
1.4489 |
0.03870 |
352 |
243 |
60 |
49 |
197 |
It’s perfectly normal to feel sore after body parts are pushed into your head. |
1.4476 |
0.04005 |
286 |
188 |
68 |
30 |
198 |
Please remove your jacket. |
1.4472 |
0.04025 |
284 |
187 |
67 |
30 |
199 |
I'm prescribing 350º for 2 hours. |
1.4472 |
0.03963 |
284 |
185 |
71 |
28 |
200 |
You report having 'pain in the neck.' Where exactly is that? |
1.4468 |
0.04138 |
282 |
189 |
60 |
33 |
201 |
Be grateful it’s not a headache. |
1.4466 |
0.04096 |
262 |
170 |
67 |
25 |
202 |
You need to get off the couch and exercise more. |
1.4460 |
0.04120 |
278 |
185 |
62 |
31 |
203 |
OK, take off your hat, eyebrows, eyes, ears, nose, moustache, lips and shoes, and let’s have a look at you. |
1.4457 |
0.04343 |
267 |
182 |
51 |
34 |
204 |
I’m ordering an MRI. Are you microwave-safe? |
1.4441 |
0.04153 |
286 |
194 |
57 |
35 |
205 |
Yes, I can prescribe Viagra, but that doesn't solve your real problem. |
1.4437 |
0.03933 |
293 |
193 |
70 |
30 |
206 |
I'm going to send you to an ear, nose, and hat specialist. |
1.4436 |
0.04188 |
266 |
177 |
60 |
29 |
207 |
And how are the tots? |
1.4433 |
0.03951 |
300 |
200 |
67 |
33 |
208 |
Sprouting is totally normal at your age |
1.4425 |
0.03992 |
287 |
190 |
67 |
30 |
209 |
Results show that all your parts are in the right place. |
1.4419 |
0.03991 |
258 |
165 |
72 |
21 |
210 |
Let me make sure I have this correct, you say a door in your buttocks will not stay closed? |
1.4412 |
0.04467 |
272 |
192 |
40 |
40 |
211 |
I completely understand your fear of going under the knife. |
1.4410 |
0.04599 |
229 |
155 |
47 |
27 |
212 |
Removing your nose is a simple procedure, a 5-year-old could do it. |
1.4401 |
0.04022 |
284 |
189 |
65 |
30 |
213 |
Actually, I would describe it more as a detachment disorder. |
1.4400 |
0.04574 |
225 |
151 |
49 |
25 |
214 |
Take a long hot bath, add butter and salt and call me at 6 pm. |
1.4399 |
0.03932 |
316 |
215 |
63 |
38 |
215 |
To remove it, we'll go in through the shoes. |
1.4396 |
0.04074 |
273 |
181 |
64 |
28 |
216 |
Call me if your temperature stays above 400 degrees for an hour. |
1.4393 |
0.04494 |
239 |
162 |
49 |
28 |
217 |
I see here you're from Idaho. |
1.4393 |
0.04571 |
239 |
164 |
45 |
30 |
218 |
Mr. Quayle, I have updated your chart to your preferred pronouns of potatoe/potatoe/potatoe. |
1.4390 |
0.04245 |
246 |
162 |
60 |
24 |
219 |
You have a terrible case of Pringles. |
1.4389 |
0.04590 |
221 |
148 |
49 |
24 |
220 |
Your starch levels are dangerously elevated. |
1.4387 |
0.03946 |
269 |
174 |
72 |
23 |
221 |
I am afraid you have an inoperable tuber. |
1.4380 |
0.04566 |
242 |
167 |
44 |
31 |
222 |
How are you peeling today? |
1.4362 |
0.04241 |
243 |
160 |
60 |
23 |
223 |
Sadly, it's all going to have to come off.
But then we'll stick it back on. |
1.4354 |
0.04026 |
271 |
179 |
66 |
26 |
224 |
You've been spending too much time on the couch. |
1.4332 |
0.04381 |
247 |
168 |
51 |
28 |
225 |
Honestly, I think it’s all in your head. |
1.4314 |
0.04278 |
255 |
173 |
54 |
28 |
226 |
You might want to change into your sad eyes for this. |
1.4311 |
0.04612 |
225 |
154 |
45 |
26 |
227 |
I haven't seen a case like this since I worked in a MASH unit. |
1.4311 |
0.04346 |
225 |
148 |
57 |
20 |
228 |
Your spud pressure is high. |
1.4308 |
0.04339 |
253 |
173 |
51 |
29 |
229 |
The good news is, your transplant will be child's play. |
1.4301 |
0.04079 |
272 |
183 |
61 |
28 |
230 |
I've got your test results. Exactly how much time are you spending on the couch? |
1.4301 |
0.04163 |
279 |
192 |
54 |
33 |
231 |
I’m afraid your MRI shows a massive tuber. |
1.4286 |
0.04350 |
252 |
173 |
50 |
29 |
232 |
Your rhinoplasty should be very straightforward. Even a child could do it. |
1.4279 |
0.04289 |
229 |
151 |
58 |
20 |
233 |
In order to proceed with your prostate exam, I'm going to need a little ketchup. |
1.4279 |
0.04744 |
208 |
142 |
43 |
23 |
234 |
Of course, there's always a butter option |
1.4267 |
0.04651 |
225 |
156 |
42 |
27 |
235 |
You're a potato. You need a botanist not a doctor. |
1.4267 |
0.04477 |
225 |
152 |
50 |
23 |
236 |
Avoid butter and sour cream, and in particular hot oil. |
1.4266 |
0.04489 |
218 |
146 |
51 |
21 |
237 |
If you avoid butter and sour cream, you should be fine. |
1.4264 |
0.04274 |
258 |
177 |
52 |
29 |
238 |
Ancestry.com confirms it. You're 60% Irish and only 40% Idaho Spud. |
1.4262 |
0.04379 |
244 |
167 |
50 |
27 |
239 |
Since when did you stop feeling like a hot potato? |
1.4258 |
0.04226 |
256 |
174 |
55 |
27 |
240 |
Stay away from butter and sour cream. Chives are ok. |
1.4250 |
0.04352 |
240 |
163 |
52 |
25 |
241 |
I'm sad to have to tell you this, you have tuberculosis. |
1.4244 |
0.04338 |
238 |
161 |
53 |
24 |
242 |
Sadly , I’m afraid you might have
tuber-culosis. |
1.4244 |
0.04419 |
238 |
163 |
49 |
26 |
243 |
Luckily, our daycare center found a matching right arm for you. |
1.4238 |
0.03936 |
269 |
178 |
68 |
23 |
244 |
Only 2 eyes. At your age there’s usually more. |
1.4231 |
0.04514 |
234 |
162 |
45 |
27 |
245 |
It's pretty normal at your age to be worried about leeks |
1.4229 |
0.03995 |
253 |
166 |
67 |
20 |
246 |
I'm going to recommend that you stay away from salt, butter and sour cream. |
1.4221 |
0.04176 |
263 |
180 |
55 |
28 |
247 |
You can keep the mustache, but shoes and hat off, too, please. |
1.4219 |
0.04051 |
237 |
154 |
66 |
17 |
248 |
So, tell me how you got on the table? |
1.4213 |
0.04697 |
235 |
168 |
35 |
32 |
249 |
Diet and exercise. Cut out the butter and sour cream,
and get up off the couch. |
1.4211 |
0.04220 |
247 |
167 |
56 |
24 |
250 |
And how long has it been since you've seen your knees? |
1.4208 |
0.04115 |
259 |
175 |
59 |
25 |
251 |
First off,how the hell did you get on that table? |
1.4204 |
0.04361 |
245 |
169 |
49 |
27 |
252 |
Actually in your case baking would be just as bad as frying. |
1.4199 |
0.04472 |
231 |
159 |
47 |
25 |
253 |
Your 23 and Me results indicate that you are half Irish and one quarter each Yukon Gold and Idaho Russet |
1.4198 |
0.04672 |
212 |
146 |
43 |
23 |
254 |
I recommend less time on the couch. |
1.4189 |
0.04331 |
222 |
148 |
55 |
19 |
255 |
Has anyone ever told you your symptoms are all in your head? |
1.4188 |
0.04388 |
234 |
160 |
50 |
24 |
256 |
I can treat you, but it's gonna cost an arm and a leg. |
1.4185 |
0.04442 |
227 |
155 |
49 |
23 |
257 |
We'll need to be a bit creative with the colonoscopy |
1.4182 |
0.04724 |
220 |
155 |
38 |
27 |
258 |
Nothing a little sour cream and chives won't fix. |
1.4180 |
0.04147 |
256 |
174 |
57 |
25 |
259 |
Any history of GMOs in your family? |
1.4179 |
0.04595 |
201 |
135 |
48 |
18 |
260 |
I'm sorry, but your health insurance says we can't put you back together again. |
1.4175 |
0.04599 |
194 |
129 |
49 |
16 |
261 |
A gender reassignment surgery should be fairly straightforward. |
1.4174 |
0.04199 |
242 |
163 |
57 |
22 |
262 |
There's nothing that we can do. You are going to be a vegetable for the rest of your life. |
1.4167 |
0.04789 |
216 |
153 |
36 |
27 |
263 |
I'm afraid it's not in your head. |
1.4167 |
0.05081 |
192 |
136 |
32 |
24 |
264 |
If your temperature is over 425 degrees for more than 30 minutes, take two pats of butter and call me for dinner. |
1.4163 |
0.04605 |
233 |
165 |
39 |
29 |
265 |
First question, how did you get up on the table? |
1.4155 |
0.04694 |
219 |
154 |
39 |
26 |
266 |
Here’s the good news. The tuber is benign. |
1.4155 |
0.04465 |
219 |
149 |
49 |
21 |
267 |
I have a half-baked idea |
1.4151 |
0.04422 |
212 |
142 |
52 |
18 |
268 |
I recommend spending a little less time on your couch. |
1.4151 |
0.04522 |
212 |
144 |
48 |
20 |
269 |
I’m afraid we can’t attach THAT! |
1.4149 |
0.04169 |
241 |
162 |
58 |
21 |
270 |
At this point, I'd advise against any more implants. |
1.4149 |
0.04410 |
241 |
168 |
46 |
27 |
271 |
You need to spend less time on the couch and more in the gym. |
1.4148 |
0.04279 |
229 |
154 |
55 |
20 |
272 |
I say Mr. Potāto, but your chart says Mr. Potäto." |
1.4147 |
0.04588 |
217 |
150 |
44 |
23 |
273 |
And what gender were you assigned at birth? Male, female, or russet? |
1.4144 |
0.04689 |
222 |
157 |
38 |
27 |
274 |
I’ll actually be able to preform the rhinoplasty in minutes. |
1.4143 |
0.04502 |
210 |
142 |
49 |
19 |
275 |
What are your pronouns? |
1.4136 |
0.05044 |
191 |
135 |
33 |
23 |
276 |
And, do you want to stay on life support if you become a vegetable? |
1.4130 |
0.04442 |
247 |
175 |
42 |
30 |
277 |
Your MRI shows that you have a torn ro-tater cuff. |
1.4127 |
0.04739 |
189 |
128 |
44 |
17 |
278 |
You understand that I can't check your prostate if you don't bring you prostate, right? |
1.4123 |
0.04760 |
228 |
165 |
32 |
31 |
279 |
The chives are okay, but I'd lay off the butter and sour cream." |
1.4120 |
0.03939 |
250 |
165 |
67 |
18 |
280 |
I recommend a full body peel followed by hydrotherapy and of course, plenty of butter. |
1.4110 |
0.04312 |
236 |
162 |
51 |
23 |
281 |
I think your fear of butter and sour cream is perfectly normal. |
1.4099 |
0.04462 |
222 |
153 |
47 |
22 |
282 |
All of your appendages are in the right holes, so what seems to be the problem? |
1.4098 |
0.04307 |
205 |
135 |
56 |
14 |
283 |
You need to cut down on the sour cream. |
1.4095 |
0.04054 |
232 |
153 |
63 |
16 |
284 |
If you keep up your health behaviors, you’ll be six feet under ground and thriving in no time. |
1.4093 |
0.04615 |
215 |
150 |
42 |
23 |
285 |
I want you to spend less time sitting on the couch. |
1.4089 |
0.04463 |
225 |
156 |
46 |
23 |
286 |
I have your test results. You may want to put on your sad eyes.” |
1.4088 |
0.04885 |
181 |
124 |
40 |
17 |
287 |
Mr. Head, I’m afraid your request for a penis has been turned down by Hasbro. |
1.4086 |
0.05197 |
186 |
134 |
28 |
24 |
288 |
I see you've had a number of plastic surgery procedures. |
1.4085 |
0.04299 |
213 |
142 |
55 |
16 |
289 |
Does Mrs. Potato Head know you never had that missing part? |
1.4083 |
0.04567 |
218 |
152 |
43 |
23 |
290 |
Now if you could remove your mouth and insert your tongue and say, Ahh. |
1.4082 |
0.04195 |
245 |
168 |
54 |
23 |
291 |
Normally I would advise caution, but in your case, a nose job should be relatively simple. |
1.4082 |
0.04781 |
196 |
136 |
40 |
20 |
292 |
As your dermatologist, I’m going to recommend a peel. |
1.4079 |
0.04286 |
228 |
155 |
53 |
20 |
293 |
Actually the eyes growing on the back of your head are part of the normal aging process. |
1.4076 |
0.04629 |
211 |
147 |
42 |
22 |
294 |
Your temperature is 400. 350 is the normal range. |
1.4072 |
0.04335 |
221 |
150 |
52 |
19 |
295 |
You have SPUDS. |
1.4069 |
0.04503 |
231 |
163 |
42 |
26 |
296 |
I’m going to write a prescription for sour cream. |
1.4068 |
0.04181 |
236 |
160 |
56 |
20 |
297 |
So, you want to be a sweet potato |
1.4064 |
0.04709 |
187 |
127 |
44 |
16 |
298 |
The headaches are caused by your plug-in hat." |
1.4061 |
0.04538 |
197 |
133 |
48 |
16 |
299 |
The tests show you’re only half-baked |
1.4059 |
0.04403 |
202 |
135 |
52 |
15 |
300 |
Your blood work suggests you should eat less starch and lose the mustache . |
1.4057 |
0.04310 |
212 |
142 |
54 |
16 |
301 |
I’m afraid it’s tuber-culosis. |
1.4057 |
0.04413 |
212 |
144 |
50 |
18 |
302 |
I suggest you put on your 'concerned' eyebrows for what I'm about to tell you |
1.4051 |
0.04452 |
195 |
130 |
51 |
14 |
303 |
Your carbs are off the charts. |
1.4048 |
0.04543 |
210 |
145 |
45 |
20 |
304 |
There is some good news. Most of your problem areas are replaceable. |
1.4047 |
0.04610 |
215 |
151 |
41 |
23 |
305 |
Plain and simple. You need to give up the bacon bits. |
1.4039 |
0.04550 |
203 |
139 |
46 |
18 |
306 |
Good morning! How do you identify yourself? Russet, Red, Yukon, Purple, Baked, Fried, or Mashed? |
1.4038 |
0.04545 |
213 |
148 |
44 |
21 |
307 |
We’ll change some parts around and turn you from ‘spud’ to ‘stud’ in no time… |
1.4035 |
0.04948 |
171 |
117 |
39 |
15 |
308 |
When did you first notic your genitals were missing? |
1.4032 |
0.04598 |
186 |
125 |
47 |
14 |
309 |
Your arm isn't 'dislocated', it's missing. |
1.4031 |
0.04752 |
191 |
132 |
41 |
18 |
310 |
Could be it’s all in your head. |
1.4027 |
0.04398 |
226 |
157 |
47 |
22 |
311 |
I see here you are French, and are allergic to hot oil? |
1.4020 |
0.04637 |
204 |
142 |
42 |
20 |
312 |
Avoid butter, sour cream and chives. |
1.4018 |
0.04241 |
224 |
152 |
54 |
18 |
313 |
Please remove your hat, your shoes and your eyeballs.” |
1.4008 |
0.04163 |
237 |
162 |
55 |
20 |
314 |
I suggest applying extreme heat, sour cream and chives. |
1.4000 |
0.04341 |
220 |
151 |
50 |
19 |
315 |
Let’s start with you removing those shoes from your chin. |
1.4000 |
0.04895 |
180 |
125 |
38 |
17 |
316 |
Feeling 'fried' in what sense? |
1.4000 |
0.04265 |
195 |
128 |
56 |
11 |
317 |
When did it fall off, exactly? |
1.4000 |
0.04738 |
185 |
127 |
42 |
16 |
318 |
I imagine you're something of a couch potato? |
1.3991 |
0.04367 |
228 |
159 |
47 |
22 |
319 |
I'm sorry Mr. Head, but until Hasbro starts making adult prosthetics, there's nothing I can do about your erectile dysfunction." |
1.3990 |
0.04569 |
208 |
145 |
43 |
20 |
320 |
Good news! You won't need a hip replacement! |
1.3990 |
0.04719 |
208 |
148 |
37 |
23 |
321 |
Four years of med school, six years of residency, and I still can’t figure out how you got up on that table. |
1.3990 |
0.04669 |
208 |
147 |
39 |
22 |
322 |
I'm going to need you to take your eyes, ears, nose, mouth, mustache, eyebrows, hat, arms and legs out so that I can get a good look. |
1.3990 |
0.04825 |
193 |
136 |
37 |
20 |
323 |
How long have you been feeling half-baked? |
1.3989 |
0.04621 |
188 |
128 |
45 |
15 |
324 |
The fertility test confirms the tater tots ARE yours. |
1.3981 |
0.04764 |
211 |
152 |
34 |
25 |
325 |
Try to avoid the Cooties. |
1.3981 |
0.04950 |
211 |
156 |
26 |
29 |
326 |
Your potassium levels are off the charts. |
1.3981 |
0.04548 |
206 |
143 |
44 |
19 |
327 |
Luckily it’s easy to remove |
1.3980 |
0.04715 |
196 |
137 |
40 |
19 |
328 |
My first question is “How did you get up there?” |
1.3967 |
0.04936 |
184 |
130 |
35 |
19 |
329 |
It’s not a tuber. |
1.3961 |
0.04782 |
207 |
149 |
34 |
24 |
330 |
no really, how did you get up there? |
1.3960 |
0.04611 |
202 |
141 |
42 |
19 |
331 |
For that type of change, you need to travel to another state. |
1.3957 |
0.04757 |
187 |
130 |
40 |
17 |
332 |
And then we'll just pop a new one on! |
1.3956 |
0.04659 |
182 |
124 |
44 |
14 |
333 |
Of course it's a headache. |
1.3956 |
0.05154 |
182 |
132 |
28 |
22 |
334 |
...and I would also stay away from vegetable oil. |
1.3946 |
0.04854 |
185 |
130 |
37 |
18 |
335 |
Let's see if we can't turn that frown upside down. |
1.3941 |
0.04375 |
203 |
138 |
50 |
15 |
336 |
This will most likely cost you an arm and a leg. |
1.3937 |
0.04415 |
221 |
155 |
45 |
21 |
337 |
I highly recommend you avoid deep fried foods, sour cream, cheese and bacon |
1.3934 |
0.04415 |
211 |
146 |
47 |
18 |
338 |
I promise, after the operation, you'll feel a lot butter...I mean, better. |
1.3933 |
0.04593 |
178 |
120 |
46 |
12 |
339 |
The bad news is that the accident left you in a permanent vegetative state. The good news is that you’re still eligible to run for reelection. |
1.3930 |
0.04677 |
201 |
142 |
39 |
20 |
340 |
In your case, gender reassignment surgery is so simple a child could do it. But they don't take insurance. |
1.3927 |
0.04968 |
191 |
138 |
31 |
22 |
341 |
I've put your eyes and nose back on, but I can't find your other ear." |
1.3925 |
0.04566 |
214 |
152 |
40 |
22 |
342 |
The competency test results are in. You're perfectly fit to be President. |
1.3916 |
0.05252 |
166 |
119 |
29 |
18 |
343 |
Sorry, but THAT'S not included in your attachments. |
1.3915 |
0.04656 |
189 |
131 |
42 |
16 |
344 |
and how often do you, uh, swap pieces with the Mrs.? |
1.3913 |
0.04920 |
161 |
110 |
39 |
12 |
345 |
No couch for at least two months, sir. |
1.3909 |
0.04521 |
197 |
136 |
45 |
16 |
346 |
So, I see you have concerns about your left eye and lips falling out continually? |
1.3905 |
0.04450 |
169 |
111 |
50 |
8 |
347 |
Good news; the results of your skin test were delicious. |
1.3905 |
0.04627 |
210 |
150 |
38 |
22 |
348 |
A pair of red kissy lips requires no anesthesia and only takes a second. |
1.3904 |
0.04574 |
228 |
166 |
35 |
27 |
349 |
Stomach pain, you say? I’m afraid it’s all in your head. |
1.3901 |
0.04289 |
223 |
155 |
49 |
19 |
350 |
I’d say you are a good transplant candidate. |
1.3901 |
0.04652 |
182 |
125 |
43 |
14 |
351 |
I'd like to try a French procedure. |
1.3900 |
0.04415 |
200 |
137 |
48 |
15 |
352 |
You need to cut out the starch |
1.3898 |
0.04943 |
177 |
125 |
35 |
17 |
353 |
We're going to need a hash brown sample. |
1.3895 |
0.04813 |
190 |
135 |
36 |
19 |
354 |
You could call it sweet potato,but I believe the technical term for what you have is Diabetes |
1.3895 |
0.04870 |
190 |
136 |
34 |
20 |
355 |
Take off your hat. And also remove your nose and ears. |
1.3894 |
0.04350 |
208 |
143 |
49 |
16 |
356 |
Any travel to Ireland in the last thirty days? |
1.3892 |
0.04786 |
185 |
130 |
38 |
17 |
357 |
You say that both your mother and father both passed from the production of vodka? |
1.3889 |
0.04973 |
162 |
112 |
37 |
13 |
358 |
Turns out it was just ketchup! |
1.3880 |
0.04567 |
183 |
125 |
45 |
13 |
359 |
False alarm. It’s a tuber, not a tumor. |
1.3878 |
0.04647 |
196 |
138 |
40 |
18 |
360 |
Yes hat and shoes off too! |
1.3876 |
0.04722 |
178 |
123 |
41 |
14 |
361 |
You need to say no to all the fixings. |
1.3876 |
0.04722 |
178 |
123 |
41 |
14 |
362 |
On average how many times a week would you say you’re getting baked? |
1.3876 |
0.04855 |
178 |
125 |
37 |
16 |
363 |
Let's try staying away from butter, salt, and sour cream and see where that gets us first.. |
1.3876 |
0.04640 |
209 |
150 |
37 |
22 |
364 |
I'm glad to see you've found your feet. |
1.3873 |
0.04568 |
204 |
144 |
41 |
19 |
365 |
This procedure requires what we call a "peeler." |
1.3871 |
0.04641 |
186 |
129 |
42 |
15 |
366 |
You say at your retirement party, they were going to roast you? |
1.3871 |
0.04826 |
186 |
132 |
36 |
18 |
367 |
You say you identify as an apple ? |
1.3864 |
0.04893 |
176 |
124 |
36 |
16 |
368 |
Any relation to Tommy Tuberville? |
1.3861 |
0.04599 |
202 |
143 |
40 |
19 |
369 |
It's a simple enough surgery. Unfortunately, it will be performed by children. |
1.3855 |
0.04884 |
166 |
115 |
38 |
13 |
370 |
Of course you're depressed. You're a couch potato. |
1.3850 |
0.04804 |
187 |
133 |
36 |
18 |
371 |
Sorry, outside of Idaho, your insurance only covers emergencies. |
1.3846 |
0.04837 |
182 |
129 |
36 |
17 |
372 |
So you lost your grandparents in the famine? |
1.3846 |
0.04961 |
182 |
131 |
32 |
19 |
373 |
So you say you're missing an important part? |
1.3846 |
0.05261 |
156 |
111 |
30 |
15 |
374 |
In your specific case, the arm transplant is a minimally invasive, outpatient procedure. |
1.3846 |
0.04965 |
169 |
119 |
35 |
15 |
375 |
The good news is we found your glasses. |
1.3838 |
0.04461 |
185 |
126 |
47 |
12 |
376 |
Just stay away from the gravy and you should fine. |
1.3833 |
0.04874 |
180 |
128 |
35 |
17 |
377 |
It's nothing to worry about. Buds are a perfectly normal sign of aging..... |
1.3832 |
0.04358 |
214 |
150 |
46 |
18 |
378 |
The sprout we biopsied came back benign. |
1.3829 |
0.04561 |
175 |
119 |
45 |
11 |
379 |
You have trouble walking, you say? |
1.3827 |
0.04468 |
196 |
136 |
45 |
15 |
380 |
So this time when I say take everything off, I just mean your hat and shoes.. |
1.3825 |
0.04689 |
183 |
128 |
40 |
15 |
381 |
That’s a common misconception. The oil actually makes the dry skin crispier. |
1.3824 |
0.04455 |
204 |
143 |
44 |
17 |
382 |
My recommendation is to avoid high heat, dairy, bacon, and scallion. |
1.3822 |
0.04669 |
191 |
135 |
39 |
17 |
383 |
Stay away from the butter and sour cream. |
1.3822 |
0.04727 |
191 |
136 |
37 |
18 |
384 |
Please, detach your right arm and raise it above your head. |
1.3818 |
0.04746 |
165 |
113 |
41 |
11 |
385 |
The brain activity test results are in: you're a total vegetable. |
1.3817 |
0.04696 |
186 |
131 |
39 |
16 |
386 |
I’m afraid you’re starting to sprout. |
1.3813 |
0.05006 |
160 |
112 |
35 |
13 |
387 |
Now remove your right eye, what's the smallest letter you can see? |
1.3812 |
0.04788 |
181 |
128 |
37 |
16 |
388 |
Good news! It is a tuber, but it's benign. |
1.3804 |
0.04604 |
184 |
128 |
42 |
14 |
389 |
I would advise you to stay away from butter and sour cream. |
1.3803 |
0.04214 |
213 |
147 |
51 |
15 |
390 |
You’ve got nothing that a little Sour Cream and Bacon Bits won’t cure |
1.3800 |
0.05153 |
150 |
105 |
33 |
12 |
391 |
Well to start with you don’t need a knee replacement. |
1.3800 |
0.04570 |
200 |
142 |
40 |
18 |
392 |
The ear surgery will be a snap |
1.3799 |
0.04693 |
179 |
125 |
40 |
14 |
393 |
The specialist will be in to see you once she's done with her milk and cookies. |
1.3799 |
0.04625 |
179 |
124 |
42 |
13 |
394 |
ALL of your ancestors succumbed to McDonalds? |
1.3793 |
0.04627 |
203 |
146 |
37 |
20 |
395 |
Sorry, substituting the moustache with puffy red lips and the cowboy hat with a big curly wig is illegal in Florida. |
1.3791 |
0.05328 |
153 |
110 |
28 |
15 |
396 |
Without insurance, this is going to cost you an arm and a leg. |
1.3789 |
0.04682 |
190 |
135 |
38 |
17 |
397 |
And last name Head? |
1.3787 |
0.04885 |
169 |
119 |
36 |
14 |
398 |
The good news is that in your case, a gender change would be a simple outpatient procedure. |
1.3785 |
0.04795 |
177 |
125 |
37 |
15 |
399 |
The good news is that you have the same build as Mr. Trump. |
1.3785 |
0.05182 |
177 |
131 |
25 |
21 |
400 |
Oops - these results are for Mr. PoTAHto. |
1.3784 |
0.05012 |
185 |
136 |
28 |
21 |
401 |
I'm afraid the only way to keep you alive is strict avoidance of butter, sour cream, cheese and, especially, salt. |
1.3781 |
0.04327 |
201 |
139 |
48 |
14 |
402 |
Good news, you're a nonmalignant tubor! |
1.3779 |
0.04753 |
172 |
120 |
39 |
13 |
403 |
No matter how many ways you disguise yourself, I cannot give you anymore painkillers. |
1.3778 |
0.04737 |
180 |
127 |
38 |
15 |
404 |
Well, Mr. P, it looks like you knee removal surgery was a complete success. |
1.3778 |
0.05054 |
180 |
132 |
28 |
20 |
405 |
We could try radiation, or we could just pop it off and put in a new one.” |
1.3775 |
0.04763 |
204 |
150 |
31 |
23 |
406 |
In your case gender reassignment surgery would actually be quite simple. |
1.3774 |
0.04580 |
212 |
154 |
36 |
22 |
407 |
Mr. Potatohead, the eye on your back is not cancerous. |
1.3770 |
0.04681 |
183 |
129 |
39 |
15 |
408 |
Without insurance, I’m afraid it will cost you an arm and a leg |
1.3770 |
0.05051 |
183 |
135 |
27 |
21 |
409 |
Lets see: plastic, devoid of a soul, and owned by a multi-billion dollar corporation. Have you by chance considered politics? |
1.3767 |
0.05424 |
146 |
105 |
27 |
14 |
410 |
If you could remove your shoes, hat, and mustache, we can get started |
1.3767 |
0.05156 |
146 |
102 |
33 |
11 |
411 |
I'll consult eBay about your nose transplant." |
1.3766 |
0.05299 |
154 |
111 |
28 |
15 |
412 |
The problem is, you're a potato. |
1.3765 |
0.05328 |
162 |
119 |
25 |
18 |
413 |
I also have roots in Idaho. |
1.3764 |
0.04839 |
178 |
127 |
35 |
16 |
414 |
So, you're feeling uprooted? |
1.3758 |
0.04992 |
149 |
103 |
36 |
10 |
415 |
Referring to them as "small potatoes" may not be giving your children a healthy self-image. |
1.3758 |
0.05224 |
157 |
113 |
29 |
15 |
416 |
That isn't blood. That's ketchup. |
1.3750 |
0.04522 |
192 |
135 |
42 |
15 |
417 |
I can assure you it is phantom knee pain |
1.3750 |
0.05296 |
144 |
102 |
30 |
12 |
418 |
Your potassium is quit high |
1.3750 |
0.04437 |
208 |
148 |
42 |
18 |
419 |
Your only surgery option is, unfortunately, plastic. |
1.3743 |
0.04408 |
179 |
122 |
47 |
10 |
420 |
I’d recommend putting on your brave face. |
1.3742 |
0.05006 |
163 |
116 |
33 |
14 |
421 |
Have you tried popping it back in again? |
1.3736 |
0.04629 |
182 |
128 |
40 |
14 |
422 |
Looks like you're in a persistent vegetative state. So a clean bill of health! |
1.3736 |
0.04982 |
174 |
126 |
31 |
17 |
423 |
Bad news, I'm afraid: It's a brain tuber. |
1.3736 |
0.05178 |
174 |
129 |
25 |
20 |
424 |
So it says here you've already had 123 nose jobs. |
1.3733 |
0.05313 |
150 |
108 |
28 |
14 |
425 |
Is that with an e? |
1.3733 |
0.05397 |
150 |
109 |
26 |
15 |
426 |
Are your tater tots regular? |
1.3731 |
0.04377 |
201 |
141 |
45 |
15 |
427 |
I’m afraid it’s bad news. They used glue. |
1.3729 |
0.04984 |
177 |
129 |
30 |
18 |
428 |
Unfortunately, you’ve started to sprout. |
1.3729 |
0.04919 |
177 |
128 |
32 |
17 |
429 |
But with plastic surgery, YOU get to decide what you look like. |
1.3725 |
0.04441 |
204 |
145 |
42 |
17 |
430 |
Good news, you appear to be as fit as a fingerling. |
1.3723 |
0.04648 |
188 |
134 |
38 |
16 |
431 |
Cut down on the butter, sour cream and salt. |
1.3721 |
0.04885 |
172 |
123 |
34 |
15 |
432 |
The test was inconclusive: the tater tot may - or may not - be yours. |
1.3720 |
0.05129 |
164 |
119 |
29 |
16 |
433 |
The transitioning process is simpler than you might expect. |
1.3720 |
0.05055 |
164 |
118 |
31 |
15 |
434 |
It looks as though your insurance doesn't cover plastic surgery. |
1.3717 |
0.04473 |
191 |
134 |
43 |
14 |
435 |
As we feared, it’s tuberculosis. |
1.3714 |
0.04686 |
175 |
123 |
39 |
13 |
436 |
This is gonna cost you a shoe and an ear. |
1.3709 |
0.05284 |
151 |
109 |
28 |
14 |
437 |
Mr. Potatohead, I see here that you are a Supreme Court Judge? |
1.3709 |
0.05367 |
151 |
110 |
26 |
15 |
438 |
Despite having had your hip replaced by a six-year-old, I'd say you're in pretty good shape. |
1.3706 |
0.05063 |
170 |
124 |
29 |
17 |
439 |
Good news...everything seems to be in the right place |
1.3706 |
0.04256 |
197 |
136 |
49 |
12 |
440 |
... and avoid fried foods. |
1.3704 |
0.04362 |
216 |
155 |
42 |
19 |
441 |
You have several options: mash, scallop, fry. Or you can always choose the do nothing approach which would be couch. |
1.3704 |
0.04945 |
162 |
115 |
34 |
13 |
442 |
I'm writing you a prescription for pants. |
1.3702 |
0.04961 |
181 |
133 |
29 |
19 |
443 |
Before we do the MRI, we’ll need to poke a few holes in you with a fork. |
1.3697 |
0.04435 |
211 |
152 |
40 |
19 |
444 |
You and Mrs. Potato might want to hold off exchanging parts for awhile... |
1.3693 |
0.04868 |
176 |
127 |
33 |
16 |
445 |
I’m afraid you are a potato. |
1.3690 |
0.05105 |
168 |
123 |
28 |
17 |
446 |
The nurse will be in shortly to snap in your new right arm. |
1.3684 |
0.04731 |
152 |
104 |
40 |
8 |
447 |
I can do the procedure, but it will cost you an arm and a leg. |
1.3684 |
0.04757 |
171 |
121 |
37 |
13 |
448 |
So you got baked last night, and loaded? |
1.3681 |
0.04750 |
182 |
131 |
35 |
16 |
449 |
It's stuck where? |
1.3681 |
0.04350 |
182 |
125 |
47 |
10 |
450 |
I’m afraid we’re going to have to remove your eyes, ears, nose, mouth, arms, mustache, eyebrows, hat, and shoes. |
1.3681 |
0.05146 |
163 |
119 |
28 |
16 |
451 |
In your case, it's really a fairly simple transition. |
1.3673 |
0.05116 |
147 |
104 |
32 |
11 |
452 |
So I assume you worked from your couch while living in Idaho? |
1.3672 |
0.05040 |
177 |
131 |
27 |
19 |
453 |
I will state the obvious: Your hat is too small for your face. |
1.3672 |
0.04502 |
177 |
123 |
43 |
11 |
454 |
I advise against the chemical peel. |
1.3669 |
0.05417 |
139 |
100 |
27 |
12 |
455 |
I can make you much better by simply adding some salt |
1.3669 |
0.04568 |
169 |
117 |
42 |
10 |
456 |
And you said you did the nose job yourself? |
1.3669 |
0.04794 |
169 |
120 |
36 |
13 |
457 |
The tests did find a tuber. |
1.3669 |
0.04867 |
169 |
121 |
34 |
14 |
458 |
I'm sorry, but we found a tuber. |
1.3669 |
0.04939 |
169 |
122 |
32 |
15 |
459 |
It looks like you only have another three weeks, unless you’re kept in the crisper. |
1.3665 |
0.04881 |
161 |
114 |
35 |
12 |
460 |
Do you pronounce it "Po-tay-toe" or "Po-tah-toe?" |
1.3661 |
0.04854 |
183 |
134 |
31 |
18 |
461 |
Are you familiar with the phrase; You are what you eat? |
1.3659 |
0.04818 |
164 |
116 |
36 |
12 |
462 |
The only drawback to using medical marijuana for you, sir, is maybe being called a ‘baked potato’ from time to time. |
1.3659 |
0.05045 |
164 |
119 |
30 |
15 |
463 |
According to the tests it's all in your head. |
1.3659 |
0.04818 |
164 |
116 |
36 |
12 |
464 |
You need plastic surgery. |
1.3656 |
0.04673 |
186 |
134 |
36 |
16 |
465 |
Hmm...I see - you're a complex carb. |
1.3653 |
0.04979 |
167 |
121 |
31 |
15 |
466 |
So you want a facelift... |
1.3650 |
0.04846 |
137 |
93 |
38 |
6 |
467 |
You need to spend less time on the couch, Mister. |
1.3646 |
0.04828 |
181 |
132 |
32 |
17 |
468 |
We have three treatment options available, baked, fried or boiled. |
1.3646 |
0.04446 |
192 |
136 |
42 |
14 |
469 |
And you just popped it back in? |
1.3643 |
0.05385 |
140 |
101 |
27 |
12 |
470 |
You’re way better off than Mr Dumpty. With you, we can just replace a few pieces. |
1.3643 |
0.05572 |
140 |
103 |
23 |
14 |
471 |
Says here when you go out you don’t feel fully dressed. |
1.3642 |
0.04650 |
151 |
103 |
41 |
7 |
472 |
Good news on BAKED and BOILED. But your numbers on FRIED are concerning. |
1.3636 |
0.05306 |
165 |
124 |
22 |
19 |
473 |
On the bright side you can turn that frown upside-down. |
1.3636 |
0.05020 |
165 |
120 |
30 |
15 |
474 |
Well at least you can touch your toes |
1.3636 |
0.04794 |
165 |
117 |
36 |
12 |
475 |
I’m sorry to inform you that you’re unable to have any tots. |
1.3632 |
0.04659 |
190 |
138 |
35 |
17 |
476 |
Blood pressure is normal, but starch levels are through the roof… |
1.3631 |
0.04599 |
179 |
127 |
39 |
13 |
477 |
Actually, Bill, I can replace everything. |
1.3631 |
0.04733 |
168 |
119 |
37 |
12 |
478 |
You are spineless, but don't despair. Your condition is compatible with many career paths. |
1.3631 |
0.05203 |
157 |
115 |
27 |
15 |
479 |
Your chart says you've been experiencing stabbing pain in the top of the head, eyes, ears, nose, mustache, mouth, arms, and feet. |
1.3630 |
0.05525 |
135 |
98 |
25 |
12 |
480 |
Maybe you should consider spending less time on the couch. |
1.3626 |
0.04890 |
171 |
124 |
32 |
15 |
481 |
I'm concerned about your eyes, but they can be replaced. |
1.3625 |
0.04815 |
160 |
113 |
36 |
11 |
482 |
You should quit while you're a head. |
1.3624 |
0.05405 |
149 |
110 |
24 |
15 |
483 |
We'll try to get you under the knife around Thanksgiving. |
1.3623 |
0.04926 |
138 |
95 |
36 |
7 |
484 |
Is there an "e" on the end? |
1.3621 |
0.04760 |
174 |
125 |
35 |
14 |
485 |
We can definitely do something about that nose |
1.3621 |
0.04545 |
174 |
122 |
41 |
11 |
486 |
I'm prescribing you more marijuana. The test results show you're only half-baked. |
1.3620 |
0.04753 |
163 |
115 |
37 |
11 |
487 |
My wife says it's all in my head. |
1.3613 |
0.05249 |
155 |
114 |
26 |
15 |
488 |
Your complex carbohydrates are a little high. |
1.3611 |
0.04578 |
180 |
128 |
39 |
13 |
489 |
So the good news is, we've found your pipe... |
1.3611 |
0.05179 |
144 |
103 |
30 |
11 |
490 |
Sorry about the waiting room, I share the office with a pediatrician. |
1.3611 |
0.05084 |
144 |
102 |
32 |
10 |
491 |
A little peeling is to be expected at your age. |
1.3609 |
0.04857 |
169 |
122 |
33 |
14 |
492 |
I’d tell you to cut down on the carbs, but… |
1.3608 |
0.04854 |
158 |
112 |
35 |
11 |
493 |
We can rule out a knee problem. |
1.3605 |
0.05194 |
147 |
106 |
29 |
12 |
494 |
It's your eyes - they're starting to sprout everywhere. |
1.3600 |
0.05375 |
150 |
111 |
24 |
15 |
495 |
How the hell do I test your reflexes? |
1.3598 |
0.05035 |
164 |
120 |
29 |
15 |
496 |
Actually, a gender change to Ms. Potato Head may be less expensive than you think. |
1.3595 |
0.04873 |
153 |
108 |
35 |
10 |
497 |
Results are back. You're Ore-Ida. |
1.3593 |
0.05182 |
167 |
125 |
24 |
18 |
498 |
I'm a knee and hip Doctor. |
1.3593 |
0.05041 |
167 |
123 |
28 |
16 |
499 |
I'm most concerned with your inability to carry a wallet." |
1.3593 |
0.04821 |
167 |
120 |
34 |
13 |
500 |
Why the long face? |
1.3593 |
0.04746 |
167 |
119 |
36 |
12 |
501 |
Good news - all your sprouts are benign.” |
1.3593 |
0.05182 |
167 |
125 |
24 |
18 |
502 |
It's as I'd suspected: tuber-culosis. |
1.3588 |
0.05426 |
131 |
94 |
27 |
10 |
503 |
I need to examine your eyes. Please hand them over. |
1.3585 |
0.04910 |
159 |
114 |
33 |
12 |
504 |
I don’t see anything wrong, you seem pretty well put together to me. |
1.3585 |
0.04990 |
159 |
115 |
31 |
13 |
505 |
Your plastic surgery will be performed by kids age 2 and up. |
1.3580 |
0.04766 |
162 |
115 |
36 |
11 |
506 |
And with a simple procedure we can assign you whatever gender you want |
1.3580 |
0.05111 |
176 |
133 |
23 |
20 |
507 |
Sadly, the replacement parts aren’t covered by your insurance. |
1.3580 |
0.04783 |
176 |
128 |
33 |
15 |
508 |
Your blood sugar's a little high. Even for a sweet potato. |
1.3580 |
0.04503 |
176 |
124 |
41 |
11 |
509 |
I’m sorry. That’s the one part I can’t replace. |
1.3576 |
0.05083 |
165 |
122 |
27 |
16 |
510 |
First, go ahead and attach your "shocked" eyebrows. |
1.3575 |
0.04590 |
179 |
128 |
38 |
13 |
511 |
Your results are in. You better grab your frown. |
1.3571 |
0.04847 |
154 |
109 |
35 |
10 |
512 |
How did your penis fall off? |
1.3571 |
0.04934 |
154 |
110 |
33 |
11 |
513 |
How did you get on the table? |
1.3571 |
0.05425 |
154 |
116 |
21 |
17 |
514 |
I’m going to ask you to remove your shoes, hat, eyes and arms, please. |
1.3571 |
0.04668 |
182 |
132 |
35 |
15 |
515 |
I think you'll find that sour cream and chives will agree with you. |
1.3571 |
0.04577 |
154 |
106 |
41 |
7 |
516 |
Bad news. It's tuberculosis. |
1.3567 |
0.05192 |
157 |
116 |
26 |
15 |
517 |
I am going to put a smile on your face! |
1.3567 |
0.04867 |
157 |
112 |
34 |
11 |
518 |
How did you get up there? |
1.3562 |
0.05043 |
160 |
117 |
29 |
14 |
519 |
When I said to avoid starches, I didn't mean your family. |
1.3562 |
0.05119 |
146 |
105 |
30 |
11 |
520 |
You'll feel much better if you put on your smiley mouth. |
1.3558 |
0.04821 |
163 |
117 |
34 |
12 |
521 |
Do you pronounce it
Potayto or potahto? |
1.3557 |
0.04749 |
194 |
145 |
29 |
20 |
522 |
What do you mean your nose falls off? |
1.3556 |
0.05511 |
135 |
99 |
24 |
12 |
523 |
It’s a tuber |
1.3550 |
0.04774 |
169 |
122 |
34 |
13 |
524 |
Unfortunately, we can't find a giant lips donor match. |
1.3548 |
0.05317 |
155 |
116 |
23 |
16 |
525 |
Have you considered plastic surgery? |
1.3546 |
0.05243 |
141 |
102 |
28 |
11 |
526 |
Just pop everything out and someone will be right with you. |
1.3546 |
0.05339 |
141 |
103 |
26 |
12 |
527 |
I know a specialist, but he's in a daycare. |
1.3544 |
0.04924 |
158 |
114 |
32 |
12 |
528 |
How often do you feel that parts of you are missing? |
1.3544 |
0.05164 |
158 |
117 |
26 |
15 |
529 |
The results are definitive. All of those tots are yours. |
1.3540 |
0.05093 |
161 |
119 |
27 |
15 |
530 |
Good news, Mr. Head. In your case, gender identity is quite easy to change, and is even reversible. |
1.3540 |
0.04528 |
161 |
112 |
41 |
8 |
531 |
Doc, i'm not peeling well |
1.3537 |
0.04950 |
164 |
120 |
30 |
14 |
532 |
Have you tried not storing things in your butt? |
1.3536 |
0.04936 |
181 |
136 |
26 |
19 |
533 |
The good news is we can rule out restless leg syndrome. |
1.3533 |
0.05607 |
150 |
115 |
17 |
18 |
534 |
I'd say that you'd feel better if you cut down on carbs, but then again that would kill you. |
1.3533 |
0.05018 |
150 |
108 |
31 |
11 |
535 |
You're fine. All you need is some sour cream. |
1.3533 |
0.04561 |
184 |
133 |
37 |
14 |
536 |
When did you first notice your torso was missing? |
1.3529 |
0.04965 |
170 |
126 |
28 |
16 |
537 |
You need to lay off the starch. |
1.3526 |
0.04763 |
173 |
126 |
33 |
14 |
538 |
I'm afraid that your crop insurance won't cover this procedure. |
1.3526 |
0.04546 |
173 |
123 |
39 |
11 |
539 |
Take a long hot bath and 2 pats of butter and call me at 6pm |
1.3526 |
0.05048 |
156 |
114 |
29 |
13 |
540 |
You need to cut back on the sugar or you're going to end up vodka. |
1.3516 |
0.05611 |
128 |
94 |
23 |
11 |
541 |
I fully understand your problem sir but really you don't have a leg to stand on. |
1.3510 |
0.05078 |
151 |
110 |
29 |
12 |
542 |
You can't walk because your shoes are on your chin. |
1.3510 |
0.05575 |
151 |
116 |
17 |
18 |
543 |
Before we begin, can you please take off your hat, mustache, eyes, ears, and nose? |
1.3510 |
0.04901 |
151 |
108 |
33 |
10 |
544 |
Cheer up. You weren't this well put together on your last visit. |
1.3509 |
0.04727 |
171 |
124 |
34 |
13 |
545 |
It looks like you're missing a piece. |
1.3506 |
0.04921 |
154 |
111 |
32 |
11 |
546 |
You have to cut down on the carbs. |
1.3503 |
0.05101 |
157 |
116 |
27 |
14 |
547 |
Actually, the nose replacement is going to be much easier than you think. |
1.3500 |
0.04791 |
160 |
115 |
34 |
11 |
548 |
I’ve never seen a BMI so high. |
1.3497 |
0.04730 |
163 |
117 |
35 |
11 |
549 |
An hour at 425° should fix you right up. |
1.3497 |
0.05086 |
143 |
103 |
30 |
10 |
550 |
If you could remove your hat, eyebrows, ears, eyes, mustache, nose, mouth, arms, and feet please. |
1.3494 |
0.05046 |
166 |
124 |
26 |
16 |
551 |
You need to stop eating French fries for both health and ethical reasons. |
1.3491 |
0.04535 |
169 |
120 |
39 |
10 |
552 |
Your results are in. You’ve got eyes growing in the back of your head. |
1.3491 |
0.04836 |
169 |
124 |
31 |
14 |
553 |
Before we consider a transplant, have you checked under the bed? |
1.3490 |
0.05033 |
149 |
108 |
30 |
11 |
554 |
You're in good health in spite of the many puncture wounds |
1.3484 |
0.04539 |
155 |
108 |
40 |
7 |
555 |
It looks like all your parts are in the right place. And trust me, that's not a given. |
1.3481 |
0.04745 |
158 |
113 |
35 |
10 |
556 |
They probably thought you wouldn't need it. You're a toy. |
1.3481 |
0.04829 |
158 |
114 |
33 |
11 |
557 |
I recommend that you lay off the sour cream. |
1.3478 |
0.04601 |
161 |
114 |
38 |
9 |
558 |
Do you prefer Po-TAH-to or Po-TAY-to? |
1.3478 |
0.05005 |
161 |
119 |
28 |
14 |
559 |
Your labs looked fine but the scan showed a large pair of glasses lodged in your rectum… |
1.3476 |
0.05160 |
164 |
124 |
23 |
17 |
560 |
It's tuberculosis. |
1.3472 |
0.05245 |
144 |
106 |
26 |
12 |
561 |
No, my PhD does not stand for Potato Head Doctor. |
1.3472 |
0.05336 |
144 |
107 |
24 |
13 |
562 |
I'm afraid to say... that part did not come in the original package. |
1.3471 |
0.04954 |
170 |
127 |
27 |
16 |
563 |
He forces you into a hot oven and then he eats you? How long have you had this recurring nightmare? |
1.3464 |
0.05021 |
153 |
112 |
29 |
12 |
564 |
The results of your physical exam and your aptitude test is that you would excel at French Fries |
1.3462 |
0.05429 |
130 |
95 |
25 |
10 |
565 |
And do you have any vision problems with the eyes in the back of your head? |
1.3459 |
0.04658 |
185 |
137 |
32 |
16 |
566 |
'A pinch of chives for kicks' is not a diet plan. |
1.3457 |
0.04901 |
162 |
119 |
30 |
13 |
567 |
You have some sprouts that need to be removed. |
1.3456 |
0.05461 |
136 |
101 |
23 |
12 |
568 |
You're in what we call the "Golden Russet Years." |
1.3453 |
0.05178 |
139 |
101 |
28 |
10 |
569 |
It's going to cost you an arm and a leg. |
1.3451 |
0.05198 |
142 |
104 |
27 |
11 |
570 |
They have a name for it now. It's
called non-binary." |
1.3451 |
0.05101 |
142 |
103 |
29 |
10 |
571 |
I recommend baking at 425 degrees for 45 minutes. |
1.3450 |
0.04491 |
171 |
122 |
39 |
10 |
572 |
Turns out that rattling in your chest was just an extra arm. |
1.3448 |
0.05027 |
145 |
105 |
30 |
10 |
573 |
Are you still experiencing those stab-like pains? |
1.3448 |
0.05027 |
145 |
105 |
30 |
10 |
574 |
I'm an ear, nose, and throat doctor, so just leave those here and they can see the rest of you next door |
1.3444 |
0.05064 |
151 |
111 |
28 |
12 |
575 |
Unfortunately, you are in the wrong place. I am a veterinarian, and you need a vegetarian. |
1.3444 |
0.05402 |
151 |
115 |
20 |
16 |
576 |
So…you’re from Idaho? |
1.3444 |
0.04703 |
151 |
107 |
36 |
8 |
577 |
my boss thinks I’m baked all the time but really I’m just feeling fried, doc. |
1.3443 |
0.05909 |
122 |
92 |
18 |
12 |
578 |
I'm afraid that part isn't available. |
1.3443 |
0.05554 |
122 |
89 |
24 |
9 |
579 |
Don't you worry. This is going to be the cheapest facelift in the history of plastic surgery. |
1.3439 |
0.04492 |
157 |
110 |
40 |
7 |
580 |
It really is all in your head! |
1.3438 |
0.04779 |
160 |
116 |
33 |
11 |
581 |
I’m sure you’ll find your other arm. Check under the couch. |
1.3438 |
0.04525 |
160 |
113 |
39 |
8 |
582 |
Putting in a lot of hours on the couch, are we? |
1.3436 |
0.04797 |
163 |
119 |
32 |
12 |
583 |
For how long have you been afraid of butter and sour cream? |
1.3436 |
0.04797 |
163 |
119 |
32 |
12 |
584 |
It's gonna cost you and arm and a leg |
1.3435 |
0.04939 |
131 |
92 |
33 |
6 |
585 |
I think we're going to have to cut down on the starch. |
1.3432 |
0.04677 |
169 |
123 |
34 |
12 |
586 |
Cheer up! You're going to live forever ... especially if you can find that box you came in |
1.3431 |
0.05122 |
137 |
99 |
29 |
9 |
587 |
Is there any way to reduce the starch in your diet? |
1.3429 |
0.05147 |
140 |
102 |
28 |
10 |
588 |
I’m sorry you’re not happy with your new nose. My daughter will get that fixed right up for you as soon as she’s done with her nap |
1.3429 |
0.04418 |
175 |
125 |
40 |
10 |
589 |
I think I just ate your mother. |
1.3427 |
0.04666 |
143 |
100 |
37 |
6 |
590 |
Have you tried a different
nose and hat? |
1.3427 |
0.04873 |
143 |
102 |
33 |
8 |
591 |
It's bad news, I know. I'm sorry. Would you like me to change your eyebrows to the 'sad' position? |
1.3425 |
0.04998 |
146 |
106 |
30 |
10 |
592 |
And on a positive note, you're already ahead! |
1.3425 |
0.05274 |
146 |
109 |
24 |
13 |
593 |
Now, let's talk about how you're going to get down. |
1.3423 |
0.05196 |
149 |
111 |
25 |
13 |
594 |
Now, how about we turn that frown upside down? |
1.3423 |
0.05108 |
149 |
110 |
27 |
12 |
595 |
And where do you have these stabbing pains? |
1.3423 |
0.04928 |
149 |
108 |
31 |
10 |
596 |
It's an outpatient procedure, the whole thing should take about five seconds. |
1.3423 |
0.04928 |
149 |
108 |
31 |
10 |
597 |
No, I don't think your fear of McDonald's is unnatural at all. |
1.3421 |
0.04487 |
152 |
106 |
40 |
6 |
598 |
Your potassium levels are a little high but other than that you’re fine. |
1.3419 |
0.05132 |
155 |
116 |
25 |
14 |
599 |
You should switch to your surprise eyebrows for this one. |
1.3409 |
0.05359 |
132 |
97 |
25 |
10 |
600 |
Not surprisingly, it's all in your head. |
1.3406 |
0.05294 |
138 |
102 |
25 |
11 |
601 |
Have you noticed your features changing from day to day? |
1.3406 |
0.05091 |
138 |
100 |
29 |
9 |
602 |
I'd suggest working on that stubborn streak, Mr. Tuberville. |
1.3406 |
0.05490 |
138 |
104 |
21 |
13 |
603 |
It’s going to have to be removed, but it’s a very easy procedure.” |
1.3404 |
0.05310 |
141 |
105 |
24 |
12 |
604 |
And just when,Sir,did everything come to a head? |
1.3403 |
0.04944 |
144 |
104 |
31 |
9 |
605 |
I'm concerned about your vegetative state. |
1.3400 |
0.04714 |
150 |
107 |
35 |
8 |
606 |
With your body type, you need to limit starches in your diet. |
1.3400 |
0.04990 |
150 |
110 |
29 |
11 |
607 |
Your x-rays show a pair of glasses, and another mouth in your abdomen, but you’re otherwise quite healthy. |
1.3400 |
0.04808 |
150 |
108 |
33 |
9 |
608 |
Viagra? Really? |
1.3400 |
0.05079 |
150 |
111 |
27 |
12 |
609 |
The good news is we can replace your arm. The bad news is we have to use a leg we found under the couch. |
1.3397 |
0.04939 |
156 |
115 |
29 |
12 |
610 |
You really have to cut back on carbs. |
1.3397 |
0.04769 |
156 |
113 |
33 |
10 |
611 |
I would re-attach it right here, but unfortunately I’m not between the ages of 4-6. |
1.3396 |
0.04873 |
159 |
117 |
30 |
12 |
612 |
I see here you left gender blank. |
1.3395 |
0.04647 |
162 |
117 |
35 |
10 |
613 |
Well that was an interesting colonoscopy |
1.3394 |
0.04748 |
165 |
121 |
32 |
12 |
614 |
Judging by your x-rays, I think there may be a problem with your legs. |
1.3392 |
0.04555 |
171 |
124 |
36 |
11 |
615 |
No more more butter or sour cream for you buddy. |
1.3391 |
0.04856 |
174 |
131 |
27 |
16 |
616 |
Take this twice a day, and keep the arms out of the ear holes. |
1.3388 |
0.05574 |
121 |
89 |
23 |
9 |
617 |
In your case, gender reassignment should be reasonably straightforward. |
1.3388 |
0.04279 |
183 |
131 |
42 |
10 |
618 |
I'm prescribing exercises for your arms. |
1.3385 |
0.05070 |
130 |
93 |
30 |
7 |
619 |
So, how much time do you spend on your couch? |
1.3382 |
0.05544 |
136 |
103 |
20 |
13 |
620 |
So, Timmy made you do what with Barbie? |
1.3380 |
0.05182 |
142 |
105 |
26 |
11 |
621 |
I'm simply pointing out there is more to life than getting baked everyday. |
1.3379 |
0.05290 |
145 |
109 |
23 |
13 |
622 |
The good news is you’re gluten-free. |
1.3379 |
0.04716 |
145 |
103 |
35 |
7 |
623 |
Leg pain? Where? |
1.3378 |
0.05033 |
148 |
109 |
28 |
11 |
624 |
Try to put on a happy face. |
1.3377 |
0.05137 |
151 |
113 |
25 |
13 |
625 |
According to the medical test results, it"s not your imagination...
You are a potato.. |
1.3377 |
0.04962 |
151 |
111 |
29 |
11 |
626 |
‘ I’m sorry, your face does not qualify as an Ozempic injection site’ |
1.3377 |
0.04534 |
154 |
109 |
38 |
7 |
627 |
Your insurance only covers eye removal. |
1.3377 |
0.04980 |
154 |
114 |
28 |
12 |
628 |
Yes sir, with a vasectomy you and Mrs. Potato Head don't have to worry about having any more tots. |
1.3377 |
0.05148 |
154 |
116 |
24 |
14 |
629 |
I want you to stay away from burger joints. |
1.3376 |
0.04478 |
157 |
111 |
39 |
7 |
630 |
Just three words— too many carbs! |
1.3376 |
0.04995 |
157 |
117 |
27 |
13 |
631 |
You stuck WHAT in there?! |
1.3374 |
0.04541 |
163 |
117 |
37 |
9 |
632 |
I gonna ask you to leave your left ear today for additional tests |
1.3372 |
0.04458 |
172 |
124 |
38 |
10 |
633 |
I told you a high-carb diet wouldn't work! |
1.3361 |
0.05758 |
119 |
89 |
20 |
10 |
634 |
Mr. Potato Head, if you want to avoid a painful death, please stay away from Mc. Donald’s. |
1.3360 |
0.05321 |
125 |
91 |
26 |
8 |
635 |
Have you tried pulling it out and putting it back in again? |
1.3360 |
0.05673 |
125 |
94 |
20 |
11 |
636 |
''Is it still Mister?'' |
1.3358 |
0.05074 |
134 |
97 |
29 |
8 |
637 |
And you said they stuck your other arm up where exactly? |
1.3358 |
0.05396 |
134 |
100 |
23 |
11 |
638 |
It just fell off ! |
1.3358 |
0.05184 |
134 |
98 |
27 |
9 |
639 |
So would you say you've been feeling more baked, mashed or boiled lately? |
1.3358 |
0.05600 |
134 |
102 |
19 |
13 |
640 |
This is a full body exam. Peel. |
1.3358 |
0.05105 |
137 |
100 |
28 |
9 |
641 |
You may call me Doctor. Do you prefer Mr. Head or just Potato? |
1.3357 |
0.05327 |
140 |
105 |
23 |
12 |
642 |
I’m falling apart, doc |
1.3357 |
0.05055 |
143 |
105 |
28 |
10 |
643 |
I’m sorry, but that part has never been available. |
1.3356 |
0.05348 |
146 |
111 |
21 |
14 |
644 |
I am prescribing a hot bath in a medicinal mixture of dry vermouth, chicken broth, and chicken thighs. Give it lots of thyme and it will tranform you! |
1.3356 |
0.05348 |
146 |
111 |
21 |
14 |
645 |
When did you first notice the hat? |
1.3355 |
0.05108 |
152 |
114 |
25 |
13 |
646 |
More gym less couch. |
1.3355 |
0.04602 |
155 |
111 |
36 |
8 |
647 |
You’re fine. It appears that you only make others’ blood sugar to spike. |
1.3354 |
0.04401 |
161 |
114 |
40 |
7 |
648 |
We could switch out your moustache for your hat and see what that does. |
1.3354 |
0.04980 |
161 |
121 |
26 |
14 |
649 |
Your potassium and vitamin C levels are normal, but your carbohydrate reading was rather high. |
1.3353 |
0.04511 |
173 |
126 |
36 |
11 |
650 |
You're okay now, but eventually your eyes will have to come out. |
1.3352 |
0.04876 |
176 |
134 |
25 |
17 |
651 |
I'm sorry, Mr. Potatohead. Hair is considered cosmetic and not covered by your insurance. |
1.3333 |
0.04769 |
132 |
93 |
34 |
5 |
652 |
Do you know you're sprouting eyes on the back of your head? |
1.3333 |
0.05664 |
114 |
84 |
22 |
8 |
653 |
Take off your mouth and say ‘Aaah’. |
1.3333 |
0.04928 |
144 |
105 |
30 |
9 |
654 |
The bad news is you need a knee replacement. The good news is it should be a simple in-and-out procedure. |
1.3333 |
0.05025 |
144 |
106 |
28 |
10 |
655 |
Lose the hat and moustache,add some frilly eyelashes and voila! The sex change will be complete. |
1.3333 |
0.05341 |
132 |
98 |
24 |
10 |
656 |
I've ordered the parts for your gender reassignment. The procedure takes about 30 seconds, unless you also want the bikini peel. |
1.3333 |
0.05177 |
138 |
102 |
26 |
10 |
657 |
How long have you had this version of your face? |
1.3333 |
0.04818 |
135 |
96 |
33 |
6 |
658 |
Good news; gender reassignment for you Mr. Head, should be 'plug and play'. |
1.3333 |
0.05377 |
138 |
104 |
22 |
12 |
659 |
How long have you known you want to come out as a Yam? |
1.3333 |
0.05464 |
135 |
102 |
21 |
12 |
660 |
You appear to have an irrational fear of the French |
1.3333 |
0.05717 |
120 |
90 |
20 |
10 |
661 |
Your results came back starchy |
1.3314 |
0.04339 |
169 |
121 |
40 |
8 |
662 |
Well, it turns out that you never really had a gender anyway. |
1.3313 |
0.04610 |
163 |
119 |
34 |
10 |
663 |
Any new parts? |
1.3313 |
0.04409 |
160 |
114 |
39 |
7 |
664 |
No, I don't think the head-to-toe examination will take long." |
1.3311 |
0.04858 |
151 |
111 |
30 |
10 |
665 |
I had some family in France, and they were all very thin. |
1.3311 |
0.05208 |
151 |
115 |
22 |
14 |
666 |
You look like a whole different person since I last saw you! |
1.3310 |
0.04699 |
145 |
104 |
34 |
7 |
667 |
It's as we suspected... everything is already in the right place. |
1.3310 |
0.05184 |
145 |
109 |
24 |
12 |
668 |
You say potato, I say non deductible medical expense |
1.3310 |
0.05184 |
145 |
109 |
24 |
12 |
669 |
Do you pronounce your name po-TAY-to or po-TAH-to? |
1.3310 |
0.05262 |
142 |
107 |
23 |
12 |
670 |
Good news! Test results confirm you are gluten free! |
1.3308 |
0.05088 |
133 |
97 |
28 |
8 |
671 |
Your biopsy came back delicious. |
1.3308 |
0.05281 |
130 |
96 |
25 |
9 |
672 |
No sir, just because you're French doesn't mean your fate is sealed. |
1.3308 |
0.05503 |
130 |
98 |
21 |
11 |
673 |
We can do the procedure, but it's going to cost you an arm and a leg. |
1.3307 |
0.05483 |
127 |
95 |
22 |
10 |
674 |
This consult for rhinoplasty is unnecessary. Just order a different nose from Hasbro. |
1.3306 |
0.05796 |
121 |
92 |
18 |
11 |
675 |
Mrs. Potato Head will need to be tested as well. |
1.3304 |
0.05757 |
115 |
86 |
20 |
9 |
676 |
The problem is your weight. You need to cut down on the starches. |
1.3298 |
0.04336 |
191 |
141 |
37 |
13 |
677 |
There are strong indicators that you have eyes in the back of your head. |
1.3293 |
0.04763 |
167 |
125 |
29 |
13 |
678 |
Luckily the parts you need are in stock. |
1.3289 |
0.05008 |
152 |
114 |
26 |
12 |
679 |
I could say ditch the carbs, but there goes your raison d’être. |
1.3289 |
0.04830 |
152 |
112 |
30 |
10 |
680 |
That frying sound in your ears is probably just anxiety but if it worries you, just pull them off. |
1.3289 |
0.04897 |
149 |
110 |
29 |
10 |
681 |
Now, let's turn that frown upside down shall we? |
1.3289 |
0.04989 |
149 |
111 |
27 |
11 |
682 |
I can do the sex change but I’m afraid you’re stuck with the pronoun. |
1.3288 |
0.04967 |
146 |
108 |
28 |
10 |
683 |
Still no pulse, if you don't mind, I'd like to stick a fork in you. |
1.3287 |
0.05324 |
143 |
109 |
21 |
13 |
684 |
I’m going to refer you to our specialist in the produce section. |
1.3287 |
0.05230 |
143 |
108 |
23 |
12 |
685 |
Maybe cut down on the salt. |
1.3287 |
0.04940 |
143 |
105 |
29 |
9 |
686 |
Your test results came back negative. Turns out it’s all in your head. |
1.3285 |
0.05294 |
137 |
103 |
23 |
11 |
687 |
When you went to Vegas did you happen to spend time with an Ida-Ho.? |
1.3285 |
0.05294 |
137 |
103 |
23 |
11 |
688 |
I'm afraid you're going to have to cut out starch. |
1.3284 |
0.04943 |
134 |
97 |
30 |
7 |
689 |
I can give you something for that fear of frying. |
1.3284 |
0.05378 |
134 |
101 |
22 |
11 |
690 |
It’s the blight. Anyone other the Mrs. who should be notified? |
1.3282 |
0.05247 |
131 |
97 |
25 |
9 |
691 |
You need to spend less time on the couch. |
1.3282 |
0.05247 |
131 |
97 |
25 |
9 |
692 |
Sir, it says here you're from Idaho . |
1.3282 |
0.05018 |
131 |
95 |
29 |
7 |
693 |
So, you say you were poked in your eyes, with your eyes? Sorry, I'm not following you. |
1.3281 |
0.05216 |
128 |
94 |
26 |
8 |
694 |
Let's start by removing your legs. |
1.3281 |
0.05332 |
128 |
95 |
24 |
9 |
695 |
I've ordered the Mrs Potato-head pieces; we can start your transition in 2 weeks. |
1.3280 |
0.05178 |
125 |
91 |
27 |
7 |
696 |
You've decided you want to become a woman, again? Sure! No problem! This won't hurt a bit! |
1.3279 |
0.05514 |
122 |
91 |
22 |
9 |
697 |
I know you think you have Irish heritage, but your DNA results indicate a Peruvian ancestry. |
1.3279 |
0.05871 |
122 |
94 |
16 |
12 |
698 |
The lab results indicate that it's time to switch out your nose. |
1.3276 |
0.05581 |
116 |
86 |
22 |
8 |
699 |
The bad news: we have to cut out starch. The good news: most of your parts are replaceable. |
1.3268 |
0.04804 |
153 |
113 |
30 |
10 |
700 |
Can you be more specific other than feeling rotten and half-baked? |
1.3265 |
0.05213 |
147 |
112 |
22 |
13 |
701 |
When did you first notice your right ear was gone? |
1.3264 |
0.04709 |
144 |
104 |
33 |
7 |
702 |
I see here your starch levels seem to be very high. |
1.3262 |
0.05083 |
141 |
105 |
26 |
10 |
703 |
We'll have to send you to a toddler for rearrangement. |
1.3261 |
0.05056 |
138 |
102 |
27 |
9 |
704 |
Luckily, your Erectile Dysfunction can be cured with a little plastic surgery. |
1.3259 |
0.05344 |
135 |
102 |
22 |
11 |
705 |
Thanks for describing your symptoms, but my name is not Mr Doctorhead! |
1.3258 |
0.05536 |
132 |
101 |
19 |
12 |
706 |
Everything looks good with the exception of your head. |
1.3256 |
0.04508 |
172 |
127 |
34 |
11 |
707 |
Your new nose is looking great, but my concern is where you put the old one. |
1.3254 |
0.05265 |
126 |
93 |
25 |
8 |
708 |
I’m afraid your head is bigger than your stomach. |
1.3253 |
0.04850 |
166 |
126 |
26 |
14 |
709 |
I don’t think a third eye is a good idea. |
1.3252 |
0.05596 |
123 |
93 |
20 |
10 |
710 |
You have to cut out all starches. |
1.3250 |
0.04738 |
160 |
119 |
30 |
11 |
711 |
You need five new parts and each comes in a range of colours. |
1.3250 |
0.05314 |
120 |
88 |
25 |
7 |
712 |
Well, "No batteries required" is a pretty clear warning not to shove them up there... |
1.3248 |
0.05926 |
117 |
90 |
16 |
11 |
713 |
So you're a couch Potato? |
1.3241 |
0.05168 |
145 |
110 |
23 |
12 |
714 |
I'm afraid you're in a persistent vegetative state. |
1.3239 |
0.05052 |
142 |
106 |
26 |
10 |
715 |
I’m not sure how you’ll get down either. How did you get up? |
1.3237 |
0.05228 |
139 |
105 |
23 |
11 |
716 |
So, do you pronounce your name Pota-to or Potay-to Head? |
1.3237 |
0.05025 |
139 |
103 |
27 |
9 |
717 |
According to the pathology report, it appears to be a tuber. |
1.3237 |
0.05228 |
139 |
105 |
23 |
11 |
718 |
Yes, we can add one of those, but your insurance doesn't cover it. |
1.3235 |
0.05310 |
136 |
103 |
22 |
11 |
719 |
You seem to have entered a vegetative state |
1.3235 |
0.05101 |
136 |
101 |
26 |
9 |
720 |
So, no surprise there, given your potassium content your blood pressure is excellent! I'm not getting any pulse however ... |
1.3233 |
0.04838 |
133 |
96 |
31 |
6 |
721 |
Remember...if you notice growths starting again it means you've been spending too much time indoors. |
1.3233 |
0.05288 |
133 |
100 |
23 |
10 |
722 |
Don’t go mushy on me. |
1.3232 |
0.04489 |
164 |
120 |
35 |
9 |
723 |
OK--so they
named a famine after you. Get over it. |
1.3228 |
0.05348 |
127 |
95 |
23 |
9 |
724 |
And if all goes well, you’ll be back on eBay in no time. |
1.3226 |
0.05063 |
124 |
90 |
28 |
6 |
725 |
I recommend cheese, sour cream, chives, bacon bits...oh sorry, that's my grocery list. |
1.3226 |
0.05316 |
124 |
92 |
24 |
8 |
726 |
Once I find where to place my fingers, I’m going to ask you to cough. |
1.3223 |
0.05406 |
121 |
90 |
23 |
8 |
727 |
I see under organ donor consent you put french fries. |
1.3221 |
0.05152 |
149 |
114 |
22 |
13 |
728 |
Yours is a common problem--too much starch. |
1.3220 |
0.05630 |
118 |
89 |
20 |
9 |
729 |
I would recommend less sour cream. |
1.3219 |
0.04655 |
146 |
106 |
33 |
7 |
730 |
Let's just say that your wife's infertility may be related to one of your missing essential parts. |
1.3219 |
0.05228 |
146 |
112 |
21 |
13 |
731 |
Well, a little potato famine wouldn't do you any harm. |
1.3217 |
0.05599 |
115 |
86 |
21 |
8 |
732 |
I know you are tired of hearing it, but it really is all in your head. |
1.3214 |
0.04994 |
140 |
104 |
27 |
9 |
733 |
I’ve got bad news. You only have a shelf life of three weeks. |
1.3214 |
0.05560 |
112 |
83 |
22 |
7 |
734 |
I'll have to remove your nose... |
1.3212 |
0.04962 |
137 |
101 |
28 |
8 |
735 |
You have tuberculosis. |
1.3211 |
0.05664 |
109 |
81 |
21 |
7 |
736 |
Let's turn that mouth over and see if that cheers you up. |
1.3209 |
0.05146 |
134 |
100 |
25 |
9 |
737 |
Sure - we can add more eyes, but it would be cheaper to wait under the sink a few weeks. |
1.3209 |
0.05464 |
134 |
103 |
19 |
12 |
738 |
How are Ida and the tots? |
1.3208 |
0.06222 |
106 |
82 |
14 |
10 |
739 |
And how is Mrs. Potato Head and all the little spuds? |
1.3206 |
0.05114 |
131 |
97 |
26 |
8 |
740 |
You say you're feeling kind of fried? |
1.3206 |
0.04998 |
131 |
96 |
28 |
7 |
741 |
Honestly, this nose job is child's play. |
1.3203 |
0.04605 |
153 |
112 |
33 |
8 |
742 |
You can get a second opinion, but your brain will still be turned to mash. |
1.3203 |
0.04414 |
153 |
110 |
37 |
6 |
743 |
This motherfucker |
1.3200 |
0.05859 |
125 |
98 |
14 |
13 |
744 |
Your transition is going to be very straightforward, physically, but have you prepared yourself for the opinions of those who have no right to judge you? |
1.3200 |
0.05518 |
125 |
95 |
20 |
10 |
745 |
No, not a brain *tuber*. |
1.3200 |
0.04853 |
150 |
112 |
28 |
10 |
746 |
You’ve cut out salt, sugar and fat, now you need to work on the starch. |
1.3194 |
0.05088 |
144 |
109 |
24 |
11 |
747 |
It's actually completely normal. Just keep track of them so you can put them back in later. |
1.3193 |
0.05054 |
119 |
86 |
28 |
5 |
748 |
I'm really sorry, but, we're found several new eyes. |
1.3193 |
0.05328 |
119 |
88 |
24 |
7 |
749 |
We can rearrange things, but basically you’ll still be a potato. |
1.3190 |
0.05281 |
116 |
85 |
25 |
6 |
750 |
It says here you sit on the couch all day. |
1.3185 |
0.05221 |
135 |
102 |
23 |
10 |
751 |
No matter how you slice it, you're still a potato. |
1.3185 |
0.05428 |
135 |
104 |
19 |
12 |
752 |
It says here you're not peeling well. |
1.3185 |
0.04893 |
135 |
99 |
29 |
7 |
753 |
So we did find some interesting things during the rectal exam. |
1.3185 |
0.04785 |
157 |
118 |
28 |
11 |
754 |
Sir, I'm fairly certain you can remove that yourself. |
1.3182 |
0.05469 |
110 |
81 |
23 |
6 |
755 |
Yes, it can be somewhat traumatic, Mr. Head. However, many would consider interchangeable parts a considerable advantage in life. |
1.3182 |
0.05193 |
132 |
99 |
24 |
9 |
756 |
What is there specifically about people sticking things on you that you don’t like”. |
1.3182 |
0.05469 |
110 |
81 |
23 |
6 |
757 |
So... How many packets of ketchup would you say you consume in a typical week? |
1.3182 |
0.05909 |
110 |
84 |
17 |
9 |
758 |
So your mother was twice baked,you father was hashed. What about the tots? |
1.3182 |
0.05517 |
132 |
102 |
18 |
12 |
759 |
I’m afraid you have a brain tuber. |
1.3179 |
0.05093 |
151 |
116 |
22 |
13 |
760 |
The good news is it's a tuber, not a tumor. |
1.3178 |
0.04920 |
129 |
94 |
29 |
6 |
761 |
Before I get to your CT scan results, can you briefly explain how you got up there? |
1.3178 |
0.05042 |
129 |
95 |
27 |
7 |
762 |
Yes, I’m an ophthalmologist, but you’re going to have to see a proctologist about your eyes. |
1.3178 |
0.05879 |
107 |
81 |
18 |
8 |
763 |
In the most professional way possible, I am going to have to ask you to open your butt. |
1.3175 |
0.05363 |
126 |
95 |
22 |
9 |
764 |
It says you’re here for a nose job, an arm job, a leg job, an ear job… |
1.3175 |
0.05243 |
126 |
94 |
24 |
8 |
765 |
I may need to refer you plastic surgeon. |
1.3175 |
0.05243 |
126 |
94 |
24 |
8 |
766 |
My diagnosis is that your decisions to work from home AND get a Netflix subscription have caused you to become a couch potato. |
1.3172 |
0.04962 |
145 |
109 |
26 |
10 |
767 |
Only two eyes. You have little chance of reproducing. |
1.3171 |
0.05074 |
123 |
90 |
27 |
6 |
768 |
The knee replacement is out, but a nose job is an option. |
1.3169 |
0.04511 |
142 |
102 |
35 |
5 |
769 |
You say that life is just pulling you apart... |
1.3167 |
0.05421 |
120 |
90 |
22 |
8 |
770 |
I’m sorry to have to tell you that your growth spurt is over. |
1.3165 |
0.04498 |
158 |
116 |
34 |
8 |
771 |
Cut back on the starch. |
1.3162 |
0.05381 |
117 |
87 |
23 |
7 |
772 |
Are you sure you want a nose job? The procedure could take as much as 45 seconds. |
1.3162 |
0.04953 |
117 |
84 |
29 |
4 |
773 |
You have too few eyes for a potato of your age. |
1.3162 |
0.04862 |
136 |
100 |
29 |
7 |
774 |
For the tenth time: you don't have tuberculosis |
1.3162 |
0.05081 |
136 |
102 |
25 |
9 |
775 |
I see that you're a bit of a couch potato. |
1.3161 |
0.04461 |
155 |
113 |
35 |
7 |
776 |
Mrs. Potato Head says you always whip yourself into a frenzy right before Thanksgiving” What’s that about |
1.3158 |
0.05616 |
114 |
86 |
20 |
8 |
777 |
I'd suggest going home and relaxing in a tub full of butter or sour cream. |
1.3155 |
0.04635 |
168 |
127 |
29 |
12 |
778 |
Oh, I’m sorry. Mr. Po-tah-to Head. |
1.3154 |
0.04770 |
149 |
111 |
29 |
9 |
779 |
So, what brings you in here today? Let me guess, you can't decide if your mind is fried, or just half-baked? |
1.3154 |
0.05354 |
130 |
99 |
21 |
10 |
780 |
Actually, replacing all your features is a lot less trouble than you might have thought. |
1.3154 |
0.05241 |
130 |
98 |
23 |
9 |
781 |
Good news---we found a leg donor." |
1.3153 |
0.05427 |
111 |
82 |
23 |
6 |
782 |
There’s a lump on your neck. I’m sending you to the eye doctor. |
1.3151 |
0.04636 |
146 |
107 |
32 |
7 |
783 |
And for your tater tots, we also offer pediatric care. |
1.3151 |
0.05212 |
146 |
113 |
20 |
13 |
784 |
Sir, I'm not sure I'm qualified to talk about detachment issues... |
1.3150 |
0.05443 |
127 |
97 |
20 |
10 |
785 |
It's "DOCTOR Peoplehead" to you, sir. |
1.3148 |
0.05681 |
108 |
81 |
20 |
7 |
786 |
It's just a mild case of feigned Republican hysteria. I'm prescribing a grain of salt. |
1.3145 |
0.05168 |
124 |
92 |
25 |
7 |
787 |
Exercise is the only cure for Couch Pototoe syndrome. |
1.3145 |
0.04816 |
159 |
121 |
26 |
12 |
788 |
You shouldn't be upset. A lot of people see their relatives at McDonald's. |
1.3145 |
0.04816 |
159 |
121 |
26 |
12 |
789 |
Your fertility test shows you're not able to have tots. |
1.3143 |
0.05373 |
140 |
109 |
18 |
13 |
790 |
I'm sorry, but it's now illegal for us here in Idaho to give you any gender-affirming changes, Mx Potatohead. |
1.3143 |
0.05948 |
105 |
80 |
17 |
8 |
791 |
Would you consider becoming an organ donor? |
1.3143 |
0.05296 |
105 |
76 |
25 |
4 |
792 |
Good news. Your xray shows nothing. |
1.3143 |
0.04871 |
140 |
104 |
28 |
8 |
793 |
I'm afraid we've found a tuber. |
1.3140 |
0.04984 |
121 |
88 |
28 |
5 |
794 |
Sorry, you need to cut down on starches and carbs. |
1.3139 |
0.05155 |
137 |
104 |
23 |
10 |
795 |
So Mr. Tuberville...may I call you Tommy? |
1.3139 |
0.05258 |
137 |
105 |
21 |
11 |
796 |
So it's what I suspected, Tuberculosis. |
1.3139 |
0.05155 |
137 |
104 |
23 |
10 |
797 |
On second thought, why don't we just skip the colonoscopy. |
1.3137 |
0.04771 |
153 |
115 |
28 |
10 |
798 |
We're going to refer you to our ear, nose, eyes, hat, moustache, shoes and pants specialist. |
1.3137 |
0.05034 |
153 |
118 |
22 |
13 |
799 |
I can prescribe Velcro for the hat slippage. |
1.3136 |
0.05476 |
118 |
89 |
21 |
8 |
800 |
How are you peeling lately? |
1.3134 |
0.04903 |
134 |
99 |
28 |
7 |
801 |
You appear to be unusually high in potassium. |
1.3133 |
0.04836 |
150 |
113 |
27 |
10 |
802 |
Your carb levels are very high." |
1.3129 |
0.04904 |
147 |
111 |
26 |
10 |
803 |
The diagnostic testing indicates that the problem is all in your head. |
1.3129 |
0.04904 |
147 |
111 |
26 |
10 |
804 |
Another nose job? |
1.3125 |
0.05234 |
112 |
82 |
25 |
5 |
805 |
You need to take better care of yourself. Replacement parts are much harder to come by now. |
1.3125 |
0.05406 |
128 |
98 |
20 |
10 |
806 |
Is that "potato" or "potahto"? |
1.3125 |
0.05173 |
128 |
96 |
24 |
8 |
807 |
I know you and your wife want children, but you’ll have to settle for tots.” |
1.3121 |
0.04945 |
141 |
106 |
26 |
9 |
808 |
You're never going to guess where we found your glasses. |
1.3121 |
0.05046 |
141 |
107 |
24 |
10 |
809 |
Your colonoscopy yielded some interesting results. |
1.3120 |
0.05133 |
125 |
93 |
25 |
7 |
810 |
I see you've grown arms and feet. You should've quit while you were a head. |
1.3119 |
0.06210 |
109 |
86 |
12 |
11 |
811 |
I’m sorry but there is no insertion site for the part you are requesting |
1.3116 |
0.04911 |
138 |
103 |
27 |
8 |
812 |
Now that you're out in the sun, be careful not to peel. |
1.3116 |
0.04911 |
138 |
103 |
27 |
8 |
813 |
You're not Mr. H. Dumpty?? |
1.3115 |
0.05216 |
122 |
91 |
24 |
7 |
814 |
According to your labs, it looks like you've been spending a lot of time on the couch. |
1.3115 |
0.04950 |
122 |
89 |
28 |
5 |
815 |
I need a spudum sample. |
1.3115 |
0.05470 |
122 |
93 |
20 |
9 |
816 |
It appears you've had an excessive amount of facial reconstructive work done. |
1.3113 |
0.05899 |
106 |
81 |
17 |
8 |
817 |
I am very sorry Mr Potato Head but that part is no longer available ". |
1.3108 |
0.04968 |
148 |
113 |
24 |
11 |
818 |
More exercise . And maybe cut the carbs. |
1.3107 |
0.06019 |
103 |
79 |
16 |
8 |
819 |
You probably shouldn’t borrow your wife’s eyes even if they are a similar prescription. |
1.3106 |
0.05173 |
132 |
100 |
23 |
9 |
820 |
I'm afraid we can't accept parts of your body as payment. |
1.3106 |
0.05283 |
132 |
101 |
21 |
10 |
821 |
Let's start with your legs. You don't have any. |
1.3103 |
0.05532 |
116 |
88 |
20 |
8 |
822 |
Well…let’s remove that ear and take a look. |
1.3101 |
0.04643 |
129 |
93 |
32 |
4 |
823 |
As your doctor I can't have you for dinner, but as your friend I can. |
1.3101 |
0.05019 |
129 |
96 |
26 |
7 |
824 |
So you were born Russet but identify now as Kennebec? |
1.3101 |
0.05255 |
129 |
98 |
22 |
9 |
825 |
If only managing depression was as simple as sticking a smile onto your face. |
1.3097 |
0.05195 |
113 |
83 |
25 |
5 |
826 |
I’m Dr. Quayle. Is that Potato or Potatoe ? |
1.3097 |
0.05633 |
113 |
86 |
19 |
8 |
827 |
It turns out that when your wife called you a malignant tuber she wasn't too far off. |
1.3097 |
0.05907 |
113 |
88 |
15 |
10 |
828 |
I'm afraid it will cost you an arm and a leg. |
1.3095 |
0.04842 |
126 |
92 |
29 |
5 |
829 |
I'm sorry -- that piece wasn't in the box... |
1.3095 |
0.04972 |
126 |
93 |
27 |
6 |
830 |
We found some unexpected things during your colonoscopy. |
1.3095 |
0.05341 |
126 |
96 |
21 |
9 |
831 |
I specialize in eyes, ears, nose, throat, hat, shoes, and mustache. |
1.3091 |
0.05441 |
110 |
82 |
22 |
6 |
832 |
I have a filet mignon in the next room.
I think you two would make a perfect pair. |
1.3089 |
0.04916 |
123 |
90 |
28 |
5 |
833 |
Everything looks in place. |
1.3089 |
0.05049 |
123 |
91 |
26 |
6 |
834 |
Is that potato with an "e"? |
1.3087 |
0.04656 |
149 |
111 |
30 |
8 |
835 |
The news isn't great, but I need you to put on a happy face. |
1.3083 |
0.05265 |
120 |
90 |
23 |
7 |
836 |
And those roots are coming out of, where? |
1.3083 |
0.05131 |
120 |
89 |
25 |
6 |
837 |
Do you remember when it was last attached? |
1.3083 |
0.05265 |
120 |
90 |
23 |
7 |
838 |
I'm going to prescribe a nose with no mustache and a bigger smile mouth |
1.3077 |
0.04280 |
169 |
125 |
36 |
8 |
839 |
I'm sorry to tell you that you have Potato Head. |
1.3077 |
0.05216 |
117 |
87 |
24 |
6 |
840 |
Unfortunately the C-scan shows a large tuber |
1.3077 |
0.05333 |
130 |
100 |
20 |
10 |
841 |
I’m happy to report that all of your appendages were retrieved during the colonoscopy. |
1.3077 |
0.05552 |
130 |
102 |
16 |
12 |
842 |
I'm happy to say your surgery was a great success. Everything is back in the right place. |
1.3077 |
0.04783 |
143 |
107 |
28 |
8 |
843 |
Let's see about getting you some legs. |
1.3067 |
0.04725 |
150 |
113 |
28 |
9 |
844 |
Well, the good news is you will never have any knee problems..... |
1.3066 |
0.05340 |
137 |
107 |
18 |
12 |
845 |
I am afraid of people threatening to rearrange my face. |
1.3065 |
0.05144 |
124 |
93 |
24 |
7 |
846 |
Good news. I didn't find any soft spots. |
1.3065 |
0.05631 |
124 |
97 |
16 |
11 |
847 |
Your repeated marijuana use has led to a condition we call "twice baked". |
1.3065 |
0.05513 |
124 |
96 |
18 |
10 |
848 |
I understand you’re feeling empty inside |
1.3065 |
0.05513 |
124 |
96 |
18 |
10 |
849 |
Well, everything seems to be in the right place this time. |
1.3065 |
0.05015 |
124 |
92 |
26 |
6 |
850 |
Your gender reassignment surgery will only take two minutes. |
1.3063 |
0.06110 |
111 |
88 |
12 |
11 |
851 |
'I'm giving you a prescription for a handle bar mustache, a top hat and huge four finger hands' |
1.3061 |
0.06052 |
98 |
75 |
16 |
7 |
852 |
Well you sure have gotten the starch knocked out of you. |
1.3060 |
0.04881 |
134 |
100 |
27 |
7 |
853 |
And you're sure it's your knee that's bothering you, Mr. Head? |
1.3058 |
0.05609 |
121 |
94 |
17 |
10 |
854 |
Now tell me if it hurts if I switch your hat for your eyeball. |
1.3058 |
0.05485 |
121 |
93 |
19 |
9 |
855 |
I'm prescribing new ears, eyes and nose. |
1.3058 |
0.05228 |
121 |
91 |
23 |
7 |
856 |
Mr. Potatohead, your bloodwork indicates you have way too much starch in your diet |
1.3056 |
0.04546 |
144 |
106 |
32 |
6 |
857 |
I suspect that you spend a little too much time on the couch. |
1.3053 |
0.05185 |
131 |
100 |
22 |
9 |
858 |
Unfortunately,your symptoms appear to be all in your head. |
1.3053 |
0.05297 |
131 |
101 |
20 |
10 |
859 |
I’m going to order some sides. |
1.3053 |
0.04953 |
131 |
98 |
26 |
7 |
860 |
Let me just check in my junk drawer to see if I can find you another ear. |
1.3051 |
0.05178 |
118 |
88 |
24 |
6 |
861 |
I’m sorry. It’s blight. |
1.3050 |
0.05127 |
141 |
109 |
21 |
11 |
862 |
We could perform a French frie-ectomy to make you thinner but there are risks! |
1.3048 |
0.06071 |
105 |
82 |
14 |
9 |
863 |
And you say you keep these multiple personas...in your butt? |
1.3048 |
0.06071 |
105 |
82 |
14 |
9 |
864 |
It appears there have been some complications around your gender reassignment surgery. |
1.3047 |
0.05029 |
128 |
96 |
25 |
7 |
865 |
We can rule out any trauma to the knee. |
1.3047 |
0.05384 |
128 |
99 |
19 |
10 |
866 |
How long have you felt half baked. |
1.3047 |
0.05268 |
128 |
98 |
21 |
9 |
867 |
I’m sorry, there’s nothing we can do. To put it bluntly, you’re baked. |
1.3043 |
0.05408 |
115 |
87 |
21 |
7 |
868 |
Fortunately, you're an ideal candidate for a transplant. |
1.3041 |
0.04950 |
148 |
114 |
23 |
11 |
869 |
I hope it isn't inappropriate to say, but I'm a big fan of your work in Toy Story. |
1.3040 |
0.04980 |
125 |
93 |
26 |
6 |
870 |
I’m sorry, but we’re going to have to move around some things. |
1.3040 |
0.05591 |
125 |
98 |
16 |
11 |
871 |
Wait, ALL of your parts are interchangeable?. |
1.3040 |
0.05591 |
125 |
98 |
16 |
11 |
872 |
Well, it's not 'restless leg syndrome' |
1.3040 |
0.05355 |
125 |
96 |
20 |
9 |
873 |
You’re looking very put together today; what seems to be the problem? |
1.3040 |
0.05108 |
125 |
94 |
24 |
7 |
874 |
You have 20-20-20-20-20-20 vision. |
1.3040 |
0.05355 |
125 |
96 |
20 |
9 |
875 |
The procedure has a risk of choking hazard,small parts. |
1.3039 |
0.05709 |
102 |
77 |
19 |
6 |
876 |
My recommendation? A change of face, and you’re a new man. |
1.3037 |
0.05180 |
135 |
104 |
21 |
10 |
877 |
Those extra eyes should probably be removed. |
1.3037 |
0.04734 |
135 |
100 |
29 |
6 |
878 |
The bad news is we have to replace three vital organs. The good news is you don’t require surgery. |
1.3036 |
0.05649 |
112 |
86 |
18 |
8 |
879 |
Your temperature at 350 is concerning me. |
1.3033 |
0.04923 |
122 |
90 |
27 |
5 |
880 |
I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say you haven't been watching your carbs . . . . |
1.3032 |
0.04330 |
155 |
114 |
35 |
6 |
881 |
Please don't leave your mouth at the dentist's next time. |
1.3028 |
0.04792 |
142 |
107 |
27 |
8 |
882 |
I'm afraid your carb levels are just off the scales. |
1.3028 |
0.04996 |
142 |
109 |
23 |
10 |
883 |
Prickly sensations in the face...any other problems? |
1.3028 |
0.04996 |
142 |
109 |
23 |
10 |
884 |
I don't think you have a leg to stand on." |
1.3028 |
0.05607 |
109 |
83 |
19 |
7 |
885 |
Any replacement surgeries I should be aware of? |
1.3025 |
0.05411 |
119 |
91 |
20 |
8 |
886 |
We were able to successfully remove the extra eyes. |
1.3023 |
0.05116 |
129 |
98 |
23 |
8 |
887 |
You're in okay shape, but do you really want to go to France? |
1.3023 |
0.05677 |
129 |
103 |
13 |
13 |
888 |
The results of your rectal exam
were . . . interesting. |
1.3022 |
0.04860 |
139 |
105 |
26 |
8 |
889 |
I’m afraid it’s all in your head |
1.3020 |
0.04538 |
149 |
111 |
31 |
7 |
890 |
You need to lose some weight. I recommend we remove your hat, nose, mustache, and feet. |
1.3016 |
0.05318 |
126 |
97 |
20 |
9 |
891 |
You passed the fork test. |
1.3015 |
0.04819 |
136 |
102 |
27 |
7 |
892 |
And how long have you been spelling your name with an "e" |
1.3015 |
0.05040 |
136 |
104 |
23 |
9 |
893 |
Where's your other ear? |
1.3009 |
0.04850 |
113 |
82 |
28 |
3 |
894 |
It appears to be root-rot |
1.3009 |
0.05606 |
113 |
87 |
18 |
8 |
895 |
My diagnosis? Idaho. |
1.3009 |
0.05316 |
113 |
85 |
22 |
6 |
896 |
It's a simple procedure, but it'll cost you and arm and a leg. |
1.3008 |
0.05155 |
123 |
93 |
23 |
7 |
897 |
Your eyes, nose and ears will have to come off. |
1.3008 |
0.05024 |
123 |
92 |
25 |
6 |
898 |
I'm afraid that type of softening comes with age. |
1.3008 |
0.05648 |
123 |
97 |
15 |
11 |
899 |
"So, how do you say 'potato'?" |
1.3008 |
0.05407 |
123 |
95 |
19 |
9 |
900 |
I'm sure you already know this, but you really need to avoid getting baked or fried. |
1.3008 |
0.05407 |
123 |
95 |
19 |
9 |
901 |
So sometimes it feels as if your facial features are rearranged? |
1.3008 |
0.05407 |
123 |
95 |
19 |
9 |
902 |
Good news. Your blight, sprouts, and tuber-culosis tests came back normal." |
1.3008 |
0.04889 |
133 |
100 |
26 |
7 |
903 |
Your overall condition suggests you've been spending too much time on the couch. |
1.3008 |
0.05117 |
133 |
102 |
22 |
9 |
904 |
Not gonna sugarcoat it - you have blight. |
1.3008 |
0.05005 |
133 |
101 |
24 |
8 |
905 |
You’re fine. It’s all in your head. |
1.3007 |
0.05064 |
143 |
111 |
21 |
11 |
906 |
Your stress is almost certainly job-related. Can you find work somewhere other than McDonald's? |
1.3000 |
0.05238 |
140 |
110 |
18 |
12 |
907 |
That IS the problem.
You do have eyes in the back of your head. |
1.3000 |
0.05422 |
130 |
102 |
17 |
11 |
908 |
I'm not actually that kind of plastic surgeon. |
1.3000 |
0.04963 |
130 |
98 |
25 |
7 |
909 |
So where were you when you last saw your right arm? |
1.3000 |
0.05081 |
130 |
99 |
23 |
8 |
910 |
Well Mrs. Potatohead,your tests results from Hasbro indicate your transition will be a snap! |
1.3000 |
0.05774 |
100 |
76 |
18 |
6 |
911 |
I have a couple of half-baked ideas for your treatment. |
1.3000 |
0.05104 |
120 |
90 |
24 |
6 |
912 |
You have no legs. |
1.2993 |
0.04671 |
147 |
111 |
28 |
8 |
913 |
Good news! No parts are missing. |
1.2993 |
0.04789 |
137 |
103 |
27 |
7 |
914 |
Gender reassignment surgery is fairly easy in your case. |
1.2993 |
0.04900 |
137 |
104 |
25 |
8 |
915 |
We weren’t able to do the colonoscopy. |
1.2993 |
0.04900 |
137 |
104 |
25 |
8 |
916 |
It says here that your final wishes are to be baked and not mashed. |
1.2993 |
0.04900 |
137 |
104 |
25 |
8 |
917 |
OK you're labs are clear, but you should stay away from
butter, sour cream, cheese, bacon, salt, & of course anything fried. |
1.2992 |
0.04913 |
127 |
95 |
26 |
6 |
918 |
It says here you lost some family members in a horrible hash brown incident? |
1.2991 |
0.05328 |
117 |
89 |
21 |
7 |
919 |
I recommend you cut back on the carbs. |
1.2991 |
0.05188 |
117 |
88 |
23 |
6 |
920 |
You say you have a family history of removable parts. |
1.2991 |
0.05188 |
117 |
88 |
23 |
6 |
921 |
The good news is, you are indeed a potato. The bad news is, I'm hungry. |
1.2991 |
0.05328 |
117 |
89 |
21 |
7 |
922 |
There is also a French treatment option. I like it but I don’t think you will. |
1.2991 |
0.05510 |
107 |
81 |
20 |
6 |
923 |
Well, what can I say...you are what we eat. |
1.2991 |
0.05347 |
107 |
80 |
22 |
5 |
924 |
Your BMI is perfect, for a potato. |
1.2990 |
0.05707 |
97 |
73 |
19 |
5 |
925 |
The success of your surgery will depend on the parts department . |
1.2990 |
0.05317 |
97 |
71 |
23 |
3 |
926 |
Perfectly normal |
1.2990 |
0.05892 |
97 |
74 |
17 |
6 |
927 |
Plastic surgery is your only option. |
1.2990 |
0.05892 |
97 |
74 |
17 |
6 |
928 |
You need to cut down on starch. |
1.2987 |
0.04619 |
154 |
117 |
28 |
9 |
929 |
It says here that you also have a bucket of parts? |
1.2986 |
0.04836 |
144 |
110 |
25 |
9 |
930 |
Can you be more specific about how your life is falling to pieces? |
1.2985 |
0.04972 |
134 |
102 |
24 |
8 |
931 |
You might want to go easy on the sour cream for a while. |
1.2985 |
0.04858 |
134 |
101 |
26 |
7 |
932 |
Congratulations on the birth of your tater tots. |
1.2984 |
0.05245 |
124 |
95 |
21 |
8 |
933 |
You've changed since we last met. |
1.2984 |
0.05369 |
124 |
96 |
19 |
9 |
934 |
I'm afraid I have bad news for you. You'll be baked in a week. |
1.2984 |
0.05245 |
124 |
95 |
21 |
8 |
935 |
Mr. po-TAH-to? Sorry if I'm miss-pronouncing it. |
1.2984 |
0.04989 |
124 |
93 |
25 |
6 |
936 |
You're spending way too much time on the couch |
1.2982 |
0.05563 |
114 |
88 |
18 |
8 |
937 |
Put on your happy face. |
1.2982 |
0.05421 |
114 |
87 |
20 |
7 |
938 |
Sorry we called you in before your test results were ready. Big misunderstanding when I asked the nurse for Head. |
1.2981 |
0.06092 |
104 |
82 |
13 |
9 |
939 |
I'm sorry, Mr Head - your soft gray blemishes have metastasized and you have no pulse. Do you have a Do Not Mash Me order in place? |
1.2981 |
0.05937 |
104 |
81 |
15 |
8 |
940 |
Your headaches are likely related to the plastic spike jammed into your skull. |
1.2979 |
0.04905 |
141 |
108 |
24 |
9 |
941 |
For a potato your age, that is a perfectly normal amount of eyes. |
1.2977 |
0.04809 |
131 |
98 |
27 |
6 |
942 |
I've seen tuberculosis before, but this is ridiculous. |
1.2977 |
0.04809 |
131 |
98 |
27 |
6 |
943 |
You’ll have to tell Mrs Potato-head that Amazon no longer sells that part |
1.2975 |
0.05333 |
121 |
93 |
20 |
8 |
944 |
I'll step outside while you take off your face. |
1.2975 |
0.05202 |
121 |
92 |
22 |
7 |
945 |
So, Mr. Russett, I'm prescribing Atkins. |
1.2973 |
0.05808 |
111 |
87 |
15 |
9 |
946 |
OK, if you could just remove your hat and shoes, as well as your mustache, ears, eyes, arms and eyebrows I'll start the exam. |
1.2970 |
0.06221 |
101 |
80 |
12 |
9 |
947 |
Why, yes, I would say we are more than the sum of our parts. Why do you ask? |
1.2970 |
0.05724 |
101 |
77 |
18 |
6 |
948 |
No more stuffing yourself with butter, bacon and sour cream. |
1.2970 |
0.05179 |
101 |
74 |
24 |
3 |
949 |
Well, you're looking chipper, Mr. Potatohead...er, sorry! |
1.2969 |
0.05005 |
128 |
97 |
24 |
7 |
950 |
Good news. The tests came back today and you're a benign tuber. |
1.2969 |
0.05245 |
128 |
99 |
20 |
9 |
951 |
You need to stay off the couch and get more exercise. |
1.2969 |
0.05245 |
128 |
99 |
20 |
9 |
952 |
Hmm, so it looks like tuber-culosis. |
1.2969 |
0.05005 |
128 |
97 |
24 |
7 |
953 |
The genetic test is positive -- Irish-Russian. |
1.2966 |
0.05289 |
118 |
90 |
21 |
7 |
954 |
It seems you’re eating too much starch.” |
1.2966 |
0.05150 |
118 |
89 |
23 |
6 |
955 |
So your chart lists your occupation as “You Tuber.” Tell me more about that. |
1.2963 |
0.05305 |
108 |
81 |
22 |
5 |
956 |
I'm sorry, I can't recommend a knee replacement. |
1.2963 |
0.05773 |
108 |
84 |
16 |
8 |
957 |
Congrats, You are a perfect donor for your wife. |
1.2960 |
0.05208 |
125 |
96 |
21 |
8 |
958 |
You're starch level is too high , you have a lot of dirt in your ears , but your eyes are fine . |
1.2957 |
0.04779 |
115 |
84 |
28 |
3 |
959 |
Way too many carbs. |
1.2957 |
0.05236 |
115 |
87 |
22 |
6 |
960 |
At your age, the first thing to go is the legs. |
1.2957 |
0.05380 |
115 |
88 |
20 |
7 |
961 |
Good news! You show no signs of being half-baked. |
1.2957 |
0.05089 |
115 |
86 |
24 |
5 |
962 |
Sorry, We can exchange everything but at your core, you’ll still be a potato. |
1.2955 |
0.04898 |
132 |
100 |
25 |
7 |
963 |
Do you have a history of French fries in your family? |
1.2955 |
0.05456 |
132 |
105 |
15 |
12 |
964 |
I recommend cutting back on salt, butter and sour cream... |
1.2953 |
0.04903 |
149 |
116 |
22 |
11 |
965 |
Okay, according to your chart, last name “Potato,” first name “Head.” And the reason for your visit is “Legs too short to dance.” Do I have that right, Mr Head? |
1.2952 |
0.05567 |
105 |
80 |
19 |
6 |
966 |
Your request to become Mrs. Potato Head is possible, just take of your hat and mustache! |
1.2951 |
0.05544 |
122 |
96 |
16 |
10 |
967 |
Fine. Get a second opinion, but I’ll still be a doctor and you’ll still be a potato. |
1.2951 |
0.05421 |
122 |
95 |
18 |
9 |
968 |
This is a routine exam, no need for me to take you apart. |
1.2947 |
0.06147 |
95 |
74 |
14 |
7 |
969 |
You’ve got three options: baked, fried or, my personal recommendation, mashed with butter and chives. |
1.2946 |
0.05476 |
112 |
86 |
19 |
7 |
970 |
As I suspected,it appears to be a rather sizable tuber. |
1.2946 |
0.05327 |
112 |
85 |
21 |
6 |
971 |
Were you in Idaho during the pandemic? |
1.2946 |
0.04971 |
129 |
98 |
24 |
7 |
972 |
So is your advanced directive baked or French fries? |
1.2941 |
0.05384 |
119 |
92 |
19 |
8 |
973 |
Looks like we are still waiting for your insurance to approve the prior authorization to remove your hat. |
1.2941 |
0.05250 |
119 |
91 |
21 |
7 |
974 |
I'm sorry to have to tell you, but you've got tuber-culosis. |
1.2941 |
0.05843 |
102 |
79 |
16 |
7 |
975 |
BMI is not short for boiled, mashed or instant. |
1.2941 |
0.05642 |
119 |
94 |
15 |
10 |
976 |
Headaches - got it. Any pain in the lower body? |
1.2937 |
0.04637 |
143 |
108 |
28 |
7 |
977 |
My advice—go easy on the carbs. |
1.2937 |
0.04845 |
143 |
110 |
24 |
9 |
978 |
You might want to pop in your angry eyes before you hear this. |
1.2937 |
0.05294 |
126 |
98 |
19 |
9 |
979 |
Your vision is great! 20/20/20/20/20/20/20/20! |
1.2937 |
0.05294 |
126 |
98 |
19 |
9 |
980 |
Now, for your tuber-culosis vaccine. |
1.2937 |
0.04921 |
126 |
95 |
25 |
6 |
981 |
Sorry, but I don’t know of any way you can save face. |
1.2937 |
0.04790 |
126 |
94 |
27 |
5 |
982 |
Take two pats of butter and call me in the morning. |
1.2937 |
0.04790 |
126 |
94 |
27 |
5 |
983 |
So you feel like you have eyes growing out of the back of your head? |
1.2936 |
0.05099 |
109 |
81 |
24 |
4 |
984 |
I’m having a hard time pulling myself together Doc - I really got smashed last night! |
1.2936 |
0.05422 |
109 |
83 |
20 |
6 |
985 |
Actually, your lucky not to have any. Knees are nothing but trouble. |
1.2936 |
0.05422 |
109 |
83 |
20 |
6 |
986 |
No worries your health is fine. You’ll live forever. You’re made of plastic. |
1.2936 |
0.05873 |
109 |
86 |
14 |
9 |
987 |
Well, I have to admit that your sex reassignment surgery was much easier than I anticipated. |
1.2932 |
0.04626 |
133 |
99 |
29 |
5 |
988 |
You seem to be addicted to plastic cosmetic procedures. |
1.2932 |
0.04866 |
133 |
101 |
25 |
7 |
989 |
If you find your other ear, do come in so I can take a look. |
1.2932 |
0.04501 |
133 |
98 |
31 |
4 |
990 |
The test confirms that you have eyes in the back of your head. |
1.2932 |
0.04981 |
133 |
102 |
23 |
8 |
991 |
No worries, not being able to find your extremities comes with aging. |
1.2932 |
0.05094 |
133 |
103 |
21 |
9 |
992 |
A little sour cream and some chives and you'll be perfect. |
1.2931 |
0.05051 |
116 |
87 |
24 |
5 |
993 |
Really, I need you naked for a complete physical. No hat. No shoes. |
1.2931 |
0.05051 |
116 |
87 |
24 |
5 |
994 |
I can do the nose job, but I'll have to order the part. |
1.2929 |
0.05788 |
99 |
76 |
17 |
6 |
995 |
Last question: How did you hop up there? |
1.2929 |
0.05788 |
99 |
76 |
17 |
6 |
996 |
I’m referring you to a potiarist. |
1.2929 |
0.05964 |
99 |
77 |
15 |
7 |
997 |
If the kids won’t give you your right arm back, we can order one. |
1.2929 |
0.05607 |
99 |
75 |
19 |
5 |
998 |
But you identify as a french fry. |
1.2929 |
0.05420 |
99 |
74 |
21 |
4 |
999 |
Have you considered becoming an organ donor? |
1.2927 |
0.05257 |
123 |
95 |
20 |
8 |
1000 |
As I told you at your last exam, your high potassium levels
are hereditary. |
1.2927 |
0.05382 |
123 |
96 |
18 |
9 |
1001 |
Only two eyes but otherwise perfectly healthy. |
1.2927 |
0.05128 |
123 |
94 |
22 |
7 |
1002 |
They're all interchangeable, really. We could, say, put your ear where your nose is... |
1.2927 |
0.04861 |
123 |
92 |
26 |
5 |
1003 |
So you lost your right arm? |
1.2925 |
0.05356 |
106 |
80 |
21 |
5 |
1004 |
I’m sorry sir, but the problem appears to be entirely in your head. |
1.2925 |
0.05990 |
106 |
84 |
13 |
9 |
1005 |
You have a large tuberous growth, located, well, I guess you'd say, all over |
1.2925 |
0.05522 |
106 |
81 |
19 |
6 |
1006 |
Actually, you are in pretty good shape for your age, I have never seen a potato with just two eyes! |
1.2923 |
0.04690 |
130 |
97 |
28 |
5 |
1007 |
The procedure went excellent Mr. Head, all your parts are back in place. |
1.2923 |
0.04429 |
130 |
95 |
32 |
3 |
1008 |
Seriously, you need to get off the couch once in a while. |
1.2923 |
0.04690 |
130 |
97 |
28 |
5 |
1009 |
Let's talk about carbs. |
1.2920 |
0.05433 |
113 |
87 |
19 |
7 |
1010 |
Have you tried getting off the couch? |
1.2920 |
0.04978 |
113 |
84 |
25 |
4 |
1011 |
I'd recommend you stay away from oil. |
1.2917 |
0.05345 |
120 |
93 |
19 |
8 |
1012 |
It won’t be so easy this time. You need a new liver. |
1.2917 |
0.05908 |
96 |
74 |
16 |
6 |
1013 |
Well, sir, we now understand why Mrs. Potato Head has been unable to conceive. |
1.2917 |
0.05908 |
96 |
74 |
16 |
6 |
1014 |
You gotta lower your carb intake. |
1.2909 |
0.05379 |
110 |
84 |
20 |
6 |
1015 |
I'd suggest laying off the starchy foods. |
1.2908 |
0.04884 |
141 |
109 |
23 |
9 |
1016 |
In order to do a full physical, I'll need you to take your hat off. And how did you get up there without a stool? |
1.2906 |
0.05571 |
117 |
92 |
16 |
9 |
1017 |
Unfortunately,Mr. Head,all the available donor organs have square pegs. |
1.2906 |
0.05702 |
117 |
93 |
14 |
10 |
1018 |
So I see the facial reconstruction surgery went well! |
1.2906 |
0.05159 |
117 |
89 |
22 |
6 |
1019 |
The good news is you don’t have varicose veins; the bad news is you don’t have legs! |
1.2906 |
0.05300 |
117 |
90 |
20 |
7 |
1020 |
So. how do you feel when people say you have eyes in the back of your head? |
1.2903 |
0.05634 |
93 |
70 |
19 |
4 |
1021 |
And how long have "eyes" been appearing? |
1.2901 |
0.04784 |
131 |
99 |
26 |
6 |
1022 |
You’re going to have to avoid butter and sour cream, but chives are okay. |
1.2901 |
0.04905 |
131 |
100 |
24 |
7 |
1023 |
Doctor, I can’t feel my legs. |
1.2901 |
0.04905 |
131 |
100 |
24 |
7 |
1024 |
You're definitely a head case. |
1.2901 |
0.04400 |
131 |
96 |
32 |
3 |
1025 |
You have ingrown knees. |
1.2900 |
0.05738 |
100 |
77 |
17 |
6 |
1026 |
Well, I can get you a new hat, but I’m afraid your insurance doesn’t cover a separate torso. |
1.2900 |
0.05738 |
100 |
77 |
17 |
6 |
1027 |
Let’s see if we can get that smile back. |
1.2897 |
0.05145 |
107 |
80 |
23 |
4 |
1028 |
No legs or torso" is no longer considered to be a pre-existing condition |
1.2897 |
0.05145 |
107 |
80 |
23 |
4 |
1029 |
I’d say all your problems really are in your head. |
1.2895 |
0.04781 |
114 |
84 |
27 |
3 |
1030 |
I'm glad you came to me. You're not suitable for doctors 2 and under. |
1.2895 |
0.04941 |
114 |
85 |
25 |
4 |
1031 |
I'm prescribing sour cream. |
1.2895 |
0.05096 |
114 |
86 |
23 |
5 |
1032 |
Your insurance doesn't cover a new hat. |
1.2895 |
0.05096 |
114 |
86 |
23 |
5 |
1033 |
The test results are back. You are not Irish. |
1.2895 |
0.05534 |
114 |
89 |
17 |
8 |
1034 |
You say you feel hot, fried, and spend too much time on the couch? |
1.2895 |
0.05534 |
114 |
89 |
17 |
8 |
1035 |
Unfortunately, this operation is going to cost an arm and an ear. |
1.2893 |
0.05434 |
121 |
95 |
17 |
9 |
1036 |
How long have you identified as Barbie ? |
1.2893 |
0.05434 |
121 |
95 |
17 |
9 |
1037 |
You’ve gotta cut down on carbs. |
1.2893 |
0.04901 |
121 |
91 |
25 |
5 |
1038 |
I'll give you a prescription for some new plastic parts. |
1.2893 |
0.04901 |
121 |
91 |
25 |
5 |
1039 |
Well, you seem to have an eye growing down there. |
1.2893 |
0.05306 |
121 |
94 |
19 |
8 |
1040 |
Just for clarification, do you pronounce it 'Potato' or ' Potahto'?"
(Marie Slepin, Walla Walla WA |
1.2893 |
0.05040 |
121 |
92 |
23 |
6 |
1041 |
Your lab results came back--it looks as if you're missing a torso. |
1.2891 |
0.04979 |
128 |
98 |
23 |
7 |
1042 |
I recommend cutting down to just two nose changes a day. |
1.2887 |
0.05276 |
97 |
72 |
22 |
3 |
1043 |
I completely understand, but before we have a conversation about Viagra, maybe we should talk to Hasbro first. |
1.2887 |
0.06035 |
97 |
76 |
14 |
7 |
1044 |
I agree, if it were up to me I wouldn't call you a vegetable either. |
1.2885 |
0.04864 |
104 |
76 |
26 |
2 |
1045 |
Your in excellent shape, all of your parts seem to be in the right places
Stay away from any kitchens until after the holidays and I'll see you next year |
1.2885 |
0.05579 |
104 |
80 |
18 |
6 |
1046 |
"Looks like the knee surgery went well." |
1.2885 |
0.05744 |
104 |
81 |
16 |
7 |
1047 |
Technically the hat is not a prosthetic. |
1.2885 |
0.05234 |
104 |
78 |
22 |
4 |
1048 |
When did your legs begin to shrink? |
1.2883 |
0.05337 |
111 |
85 |
20 |
6 |
1049 |
I'm not so much worried about the size of your feet. |
1.2883 |
0.05779 |
111 |
88 |
14 |
9 |
1050 |
I'm sorry, Mr. Head... you seem seem to be in a persistent vegetative state. |
1.2883 |
0.05488 |
111 |
86 |
18 |
7 |
1051 |
Seems like you have all your parts, and in all the right places. |
1.2881 |
0.05260 |
118 |
91 |
20 |
7 |
1052 |
Unfortunately, it’s just as we thought - Tuberculosis |
1.2881 |
0.05121 |
118 |
90 |
22 |
6 |
1053 |
Have your sinus issues improved now that your nose is back in the middle of your face? |
1.2881 |
0.05260 |
118 |
91 |
20 |
7 |
1054 |
What you're doing to your body is no longer funny." |
1.2880 |
0.05183 |
125 |
97 |
20 |
8 |
1055 |
Before I begin, let me ask you if you are indeed an actual Idaho potato. |
1.2880 |
0.05306 |
125 |
98 |
18 |
9 |
1056 |
Good news, you don't have a brain tuber. |
1.2872 |
0.05583 |
94 |
71 |
19 |
4 |
1057 |
Well, Spud, everything looks pretty good. Just stay away from the butter and sour cream. |
1.2872 |
0.05374 |
94 |
70 |
21 |
3 |
1058 |
You've got potatoes in your ears. |
1.2872 |
0.05978 |
94 |
73 |
15 |
6 |
1059 |
It appears you're allergic to meatloaf and gravy. |
1.2871 |
0.05688 |
101 |
78 |
17 |
6 |
1060 |
My daughter will be performing the operation. |
1.2870 |
0.05057 |
115 |
87 |
23 |
5 |
1061 |
Your torso hurts? |
1.2870 |
0.05206 |
115 |
88 |
21 |
6 |
1062 |
I'm afraid the problem you've reported with your knees is all in your head. |
1.2869 |
0.05004 |
122 |
93 |
23 |
6 |
1063 |
The good news is, you don't need knee surgery. |
1.2868 |
0.04885 |
136 |
105 |
23 |
8 |
1064 |
Sorry about the kids in the waiting room. |
1.2868 |
0.05103 |
136 |
107 |
19 |
10 |
1065 |
Are you sure you want to be reassembled? |
1.2868 |
0.04772 |
136 |
104 |
25 |
7 |
1066 |
And after making these small changes, my guess is you're not going to recognise yourself. |
1.2867 |
0.04824 |
143 |
111 |
23 |
9 |
1067 |
I can refer you to a great cataract surgeon; or we can just wait for new eyes. |
1.2857 |
0.04893 |
126 |
96 |
24 |
6 |
1068 |
You will have to see a specialist for those parts. |
1.2857 |
0.05981 |
98 |
77 |
14 |
7 |
1069 |
Usually, people wait until I ask them to take off their clothes. |
1.2857 |
0.04982 |
112 |
84 |
24 |
4 |
1070 |
What do you mean they won't come off? |
1.2857 |
0.05365 |
105 |
80 |
20 |
5 |
1071 |
Have you thought about cutting carbs? |
1.2857 |
0.04957 |
133 |
103 |
22 |
8 |
1072 |
So Spud, you're concern is that Mrs. Potato Head says you're more dud than stud? |
1.2857 |
0.05696 |
91 |
69 |
18 |
4 |
1073 |
In your case, six feet under might not be so bad. |
1.2857 |
0.05365 |
105 |
80 |
20 |
5 |
1074 |
Sorry to have alarmed you. What I said was that I've never seen a larger TUBER. |
1.2857 |
0.05855 |
105 |
83 |
14 |
8 |
1075 |
Im sorry, it's a tuber. |
1.2857 |
0.05356 |
119 |
93 |
18 |
8 |
1076 |
For your age, you look very well put together. |
1.2857 |
0.05477 |
91 |
68 |
20 |
3 |
1077 |
I'm afraid you're going to have to cut down on your starch. |
1.2857 |
0.05356 |
119 |
93 |
18 |
8 |
1078 |
It looks like tuberculosis. |
1.2857 |
0.05696 |
91 |
69 |
18 |
4 |
1079 |
I see here you have a long history of blight in your family. |
1.2857 |
0.05012 |
105 |
78 |
24 |
3 |
1080 |
There's nothing wrong with you that a little salt and butter can't fix. |
1.2857 |
0.05387 |
126 |
100 |
16 |
10 |
1081 |
You don't have to put on a brave face for me... |
1.2857 |
0.05083 |
119 |
91 |
22 |
6 |
1082 |
Your annual physical shows that you’ve been Baked, Boiled, Fried, Mashed, Whipped, and Shredded…looks like you’ve been through the Grinder! |
1.2846 |
0.04912 |
130 |
100 |
23 |
7 |
1083 |
OK, so what exactly hurts you? Your head? Your legs...oh, sorry. I see the problem now. |
1.2846 |
0.05032 |
130 |
101 |
21 |
8 |
1084 |
In most cases, missing an entire limb would be an issue |
1.2846 |
0.05101 |
123 |
95 |
21 |
7 |
1085 |
Looks like a benign tuber |
1.2845 |
0.05020 |
116 |
88 |
23 |
5 |
1086 |
Longer legs, sure. Spud, you are God's gift to the prosthetics industry. |
1.2845 |
0.05167 |
116 |
89 |
21 |
6 |
1087 |
Your tests are all negative. I think your symptoms are in your head. |
1.2845 |
0.05310 |
116 |
90 |
19 |
7 |
1088 |
So you're having difficulty removing the examination table? |
1.2844 |
0.05389 |
109 |
84 |
19 |
6 |
1089 |
This is what happens when you hold your sneezes in. |
1.2843 |
0.05973 |
102 |
81 |
13 |
8 |
1090 |
I like your mustache; do you think I can pull it off? |
1.2843 |
0.05464 |
102 |
78 |
19 |
5 |
1091 |
I’m afraid it’s a tumor not a tuber. |
1.2842 |
0.05731 |
95 |
73 |
17 |
5 |
1092 |
Bake yourself for 45 minutes at 350 degrees, then call me in the morning. |
1.2841 |
0.06036 |
88 |
68 |
15 |
5 |
1093 |
Ordinarily transplantation is serious but, in your case, it would be ‘plug and play.’ |
1.2835 |
0.04987 |
127 |
98 |
22 |
7 |
1094 |
This, unfortunately, is what happens when you ignore the signs of tuber-culosis. |
1.2833 |
0.05317 |
120 |
94 |
18 |
8 |
1095 |
We can skip the prostate exam. |
1.2832 |
0.05254 |
113 |
87 |
20 |
6 |
1096 |
Lucky for you, the transplant will be a quick procedure. |
1.2832 |
0.04782 |
113 |
84 |
26 |
3 |
1097 |
I’m afraid your plastics level is a problem now. |
1.2832 |
0.05547 |
113 |
89 |
16 |
8 |
1098 |
On further consideration, gender reassignment surgery should be a breeze. |
1.2832 |
0.05402 |
113 |
88 |
18 |
7 |
1099 |
I think we can rule out a Prostate exam. |
1.2832 |
0.05254 |
113 |
87 |
20 |
6 |
1100 |
Your glucose levels are quite high. |
1.2830 |
0.05321 |
106 |
81 |
20 |
5 |
1101 |
About that recurring potato masher dream. |
1.2830 |
0.05321 |
106 |
81 |
20 |
5 |
1102 |
Well, let's not get a head of ourselves... |
1.2830 |
0.05648 |
106 |
83 |
16 |
7 |
1103 |
For insurance, we'll need the last four of your universal product code. |
1.2826 |
0.06051 |
92 |
72 |
14 |
6 |
1104 |
Yes, I know more than all the king's horses |
1.2826 |
0.06051 |
92 |
72 |
14 |
6 |
1105 |
All of your test results are in. Just as I suspected, it's all in your head. |
1.2826 |
0.05426 |
92 |
69 |
20 |
3 |
1106 |
I don’t think a chiropractor would be of much help. |
1.2826 |
0.05642 |
92 |
70 |
18 |
4 |
1107 |
I'd recommend cutting back on dairy products like butter and sour cream. |
1.2823 |
0.05192 |
124 |
97 |
19 |
8 |
1108 |
You can put your pants back on now. |
1.2823 |
0.05192 |
124 |
97 |
19 |
8 |
1109 |
All your eyes are in need of prescriptions. I hope you have good insurance. |
1.2821 |
0.05408 |
117 |
92 |
17 |
8 |
1110 |
You may feel a little worn-out, but at this age be thankful all your parts are still attached. |
1.2821 |
0.05408 |
117 |
92 |
17 |
8 |
1111 |
If the Vigrow doesn’t help, try immersing your lower parts in a large vat of water for a couple of weeks. |
1.2821 |
0.05128 |
117 |
90 |
21 |
6 |
1112 |
Your labs came back lumpy. |
1.2821 |
0.05270 |
117 |
91 |
19 |
7 |
1113 |
You seem to be missing the most important attachment. |
1.2818 |
0.05024 |
110 |
83 |
23 |
4 |
1114 |
When did you first notice it was missing? |
1.2818 |
0.05024 |
110 |
83 |
23 |
4 |
1115 |
Your spare limb arrived from Toys 'R' Us. |
1.2818 |
0.05500 |
110 |
86 |
17 |
7 |
1116 |
The good news is your tuber is benign |
1.2816 |
0.05590 |
103 |
80 |
17 |
6 |
1117 |
Yes,we can do your lips |
1.2816 |
0.05418 |
103 |
79 |
19 |
5 |
1118 |
I think a sour cream and chive diet is ill-advised. |
1.2815 |
0.04778 |
135 |
104 |
24 |
7 |
1119 |
Your DNA test came back. You are actually 50% sweet potato. |
1.2812 |
0.05868 |
96 |
75 |
15 |
6 |
1120 |
I'm sorry. You have tubers. |
1.2810 |
0.05010 |
121 |
93 |
22 |
6 |
1121 |
Potassium, good. |
1.2809 |
0.05977 |
89 |
69 |
15 |
5 |
1122 |
I can replace your eyes, ears and nose but we’ll need to call in a specialist for the hat. |
1.2807 |
0.05361 |
114 |
89 |
18 |
7 |
1123 |
Your options are boiled, baked, mashed, fries, or chips. |
1.2804 |
0.05757 |
107 |
85 |
14 |
8 |
1124 |
I think that you should quit while you're ahead. |
1.2804 |
0.05908 |
107 |
86 |
12 |
9 |
1125 |
It seems your insurance no longer covers replacement limbs by HASBRO. Would you consider a 3D printer? |
1.2804 |
0.05442 |
107 |
83 |
18 |
6 |
1126 |
I’m sorry I have to tell you, but you test came back positive for hash browns. |
1.2800 |
0.04899 |
125 |
96 |
23 |
6 |
1127 |
You need more protein |
1.2800 |
0.05156 |
125 |
98 |
19 |
8 |
1128 |
On the bright side, think of how many people only wish they could have eyes on the back of their head. |
1.2800 |
0.05519 |
100 |
77 |
18 |
5 |
1129 |
May I ask your pronouns? |
1.2800 |
0.05874 |
100 |
79 |
14 |
7 |
1130 |
Using medical marijuana does mean, sir, that you'll be opening yourself up to a lot of "You're a baked potato." |
1.2800 |
0.05140 |
100 |
75 |
22 |
3 |
1131 |
And how's that new nose we attached last time working out for you |
1.2800 |
0.05140 |
100 |
75 |
22 |
3 |
1132 |
How long have you identified as a zucchini? |
1.2797 |
0.05501 |
118 |
94 |
15 |
9 |
1133 |
I’m pleased to share that every eye I removed has come back negative. |
1.2797 |
0.05631 |
118 |
95 |
13 |
10 |
1134 |
Well, Mr. Potato Head, there's no easy way to say this, but, you're missing all of your vital organs. |
1.2796 |
0.06185 |
93 |
74 |
12 |
7 |
1135 |
Your blood pressure is quite high, you should stay away from mashed potatoes. |
1.2794 |
0.04972 |
136 |
107 |
20 |
9 |
1136 |
I'm afraid I have to ask ... buried, cremated or mashed? |
1.2793 |
0.05303 |
111 |
86 |
19 |
6 |
1137 |
Fortunately for you, amputation is non-invasive and totally reversible. |
1.2793 |
0.05303 |
111 |
86 |
19 |
6 |
1138 |
All seams to be ok except perhaps one little thing. |
1.2791 |
0.04919 |
129 |
100 |
22 |
7 |
1139 |
Going by these results it’s all in your head. |
1.2791 |
0.06544 |
86 |
69 |
10 |
7 |
1140 |
I'm sorry to tell you that we found a tuber. |
1.2789 |
0.04902 |
147 |
117 |
19 |
11 |
1141 |
We all fall apart as we get older. |
1.2788 |
0.05543 |
104 |
81 |
17 |
6 |
1142 |
We just need to replace your ears, eyes, shoes, hat, nose, pants and mouth - then you'll be as good as new. |
1.2788 |
0.05372 |
104 |
80 |
19 |
5 |
1143 |
Well Mr. P, all of your eyes seem fine. |
1.2788 |
0.05372 |
104 |
80 |
19 |
5 |
1144 |
'"Im afraid it's going to have to come off." |
1.2788 |
0.05012 |
104 |
78 |
23 |
3 |
1145 |
I'm sorry, Mr. Potato Head. I'm going to need to refer you to a plastic surgeon. |
1.2788 |
0.05709 |
104 |
82 |
15 |
7 |
1146 |
The medical term is dissociative identity disorder. |
1.2787 |
0.04836 |
122 |
93 |
24 |
5 |
1147 |
By adding the mustache and different hat, your transition from Mrs. Potato Head is complete. |
1.2787 |
0.05109 |
122 |
95 |
20 |
7 |
1148 |
Unfortunately, your packaging said, Penis not included. |
1.2784 |
0.06173 |
97 |
78 |
11 |
8 |
1149 |
You need to stop treating your body like a plaything. |
1.2784 |
0.05627 |
97 |
75 |
17 |
5 |
1150 |
I'm sorry you have nobody. I mean no body. |
1.2784 |
0.05997 |
97 |
77 |
13 |
7 |
1151 |
Go easy on the carbs! |
1.2784 |
0.05022 |
97 |
72 |
23 |
2 |
1152 |
Please remove your face, arms ears and shoes. The hat can stay. |
1.2784 |
0.05997 |
97 |
77 |
13 |
7 |
1153 |
Hmm. I think I’m going to send you for a microwave. |
1.2783 |
0.05319 |
115 |
90 |
18 |
7 |
1154 |
Have you tried putting your arm where mustache is? |
1.2783 |
0.05174 |
115 |
89 |
20 |
6 |
1155 |
On a scale of one to ten:
How baked do you feel? |
1.2783 |
0.05174 |
115 |
89 |
20 |
6 |
1156 |
Good news! You still have only two eyes. |
1.2778 |
0.05709 |
108 |
86 |
14 |
8 |
1157 |
My nurse tells me you're worried about the new eyes you keep growing. |
1.2778 |
0.05556 |
108 |
85 |
16 |
7 |
1158 |
Are you sure about the plastic surgery? |
1.2778 |
0.04865 |
126 |
97 |
23 |
6 |
1159 |
The reason you were having trouble hearing in your right ear was because it had been shoved up your backside. |
1.2773 |
0.05192 |
119 |
93 |
19 |
7 |
1160 |
Mr. Head, Your Carb levels are still too high. I'd also like for you to work on building up your arms. |
1.2773 |
0.05053 |
119 |
92 |
21 |
6 |
1161 |
And with respect to surgery, we've literally got tons of options. |
1.2772 |
0.05822 |
101 |
80 |
14 |
7 |
1162 |
Your sedentary lifestyle precedes you. |
1.2772 |
0.05472 |
101 |
78 |
18 |
5 |
1163 |
Don’t worry, the problem with your skin peeling is normal.” |
1.2772 |
0.05822 |
101 |
80 |
14 |
7 |
1164 |
With Thanksgiving fast approaching, you might consider going off the grid. |
1.2772 |
0.05650 |
101 |
79 |
16 |
6 |
1165 |
Unfortunately, your insurance does not cover replacement parts. |
1.2772 |
0.05288 |
101 |
77 |
20 |
4 |
1166 |
So sir, you feel like there are eyes in the back of your head? |
1.2769 |
0.04886 |
130 |
101 |
22 |
7 |
1167 |
You must eliminate starch and see me again in 3 weeks |
1.2769 |
0.04505 |
130 |
98 |
28 |
4 |
1168 |
Peeling any better? |
1.2768 |
0.04947 |
112 |
85 |
23 |
4 |
1169 |
Now about your complaint of ED, Mr. Head, I think I see the problem. |
1.2766 |
0.05538 |
94 |
72 |
18 |
4 |
1170 |
Try to cut down on starch. |
1.2764 |
0.04939 |
123 |
95 |
22 |
6 |
1171 |
Removing the eyes in the back of your head won't involve a full peel. |
1.2764 |
0.05202 |
123 |
97 |
18 |
8 |
1172 |
I’m going to refer you to an eye doctor. |
1.2762 |
0.05152 |
105 |
80 |
21 |
4 |
1173 |
I'd advise you to spend a little less time on the couch. |
1.2761 |
0.04900 |
134 |
105 |
21 |
8 |
1174 |
Your bloodwork confirms that you’re a good source of potassium. |
1.2759 |
0.04987 |
116 |
89 |
22 |
5 |
1175 |
You say you’ve been having nightmares about french fries? |
1.2759 |
0.04834 |
116 |
88 |
24 |
4 |
1176 |
You're in fine health. Just be very, very careful
getting down from there. |
1.2755 |
0.05385 |
98 |
75 |
19 |
4 |
1177 |
You need to spend a little more time at the gym and a little less on the couch. |
1.2755 |
0.05385 |
98 |
75 |
19 |
4 |
1178 |
You say you feel like you're missing something? |
1.2755 |
0.06116 |
98 |
79 |
11 |
8 |
1179 |
I'm afraid it's the famine. |
1.2747 |
0.05861 |
91 |
71 |
15 |
5 |
1180 |
'Your surgical history's quite extensive: two hip replacements, both arms, rhinoplasty, multiple eye jobs, . . . ." |
1.2747 |
0.05861 |
91 |
71 |
15 |
5 |
1181 |
Good news! Your test results revealed a tuber, not a tumor... |
1.2747 |
0.05861 |
91 |
71 |
15 |
5 |
1182 |
Good news, there is a cure. Bad news, it entails being submerged in a jacuzzi of boiling oil before being cut to pieces and having salt poured into your wounds… |
1.2747 |
0.06066 |
91 |
72 |
13 |
6 |
1183 |
You may get dressed now. |
1.2747 |
0.05861 |
91 |
71 |
15 |
5 |
1184 |
Report here says your brain is mush... I mean mashed. But better than fried. |
1.2747 |
0.05649 |
91 |
70 |
17 |
4 |
1185 |
Plastic surgery? |
1.2745 |
0.05242 |
102 |
78 |
20 |
4 |
1186 |
Your butter and chive levels are through the roof ! |
1.2745 |
0.05424 |
102 |
79 |
18 |
5 |
1187 |
So good news...we go in the box,snap the new one in place and off you go |
1.2743 |
0.05067 |
113 |
87 |
21 |
5 |
1188 |
I recommend rubbing oil on your skin to keep it soft. |
1.2742 |
0.05036 |
124 |
97 |
20 |
7 |
1189 |
Glad to see you are so well put together, Mr. P. |
1.2742 |
0.04904 |
124 |
96 |
22 |
6 |
1190 |
It appears that all of your parts are firmly intact. |
1.2742 |
0.05164 |
124 |
98 |
18 |
8 |
1191 |
On the bright side, most people thought you would be dead by now. |
1.2738 |
0.05449 |
84 |
63 |
19 |
2 |
1192 |
Your eyesight is good but you need new ears. |
1.2738 |
0.05706 |
84 |
64 |
17 |
3 |
1193 |
Well,you seem to have all your parts. |
1.2738 |
0.05706 |
84 |
64 |
17 |
3 |
1194 |
Let’s turn that frown upside down. |
1.2737 |
0.05487 |
95 |
73 |
18 |
4 |
1195 |
Exactly how many
growth hormone pills have you been taking every day, Mr. Peanut?” |
1.2737 |
0.05687 |
95 |
74 |
16 |
5 |
1196 |
If you cut down on the butter, bacon bits, sour cream, cheese, and all that stuff, you'll be in better shape, but you'll lose most of your friends. |
1.2737 |
0.06068 |
95 |
76 |
12 |
7 |
1197 |
It's the Ozempic face that concerns me, doctor. |
1.2737 |
0.05687 |
95 |
74 |
16 |
5 |
1198 |
So you're feeling empty inside... any other symptoms? |
1.2737 |
0.05687 |
95 |
74 |
16 |
5 |
1199 |
How long have you been peeling poorly? |
1.2736 |
0.05283 |
106 |
82 |
19 |
5 |
1200 |
Let's try a different nose this time. |
1.2736 |
0.05110 |
106 |
81 |
21 |
4 |
1201 |
Your coverage allows for 1.6 replacement parts per year. Let's talk about your options and priorities. |
1.2736 |
0.05451 |
106 |
83 |
17 |
6 |
1202 |
What are your pronouns again? |
1.2736 |
0.05283 |
106 |
82 |
19 |
5 |
1203 |
I could prescribe you viagra, but in your case, I feel like there's a much easier solution. |
1.2736 |
0.05283 |
106 |
82 |
19 |
5 |
1204 |
Meniscus tear?
I'm not so sure. |
1.2736 |
0.04746 |
106 |
79 |
25 |
2 |
1205 |
I suggest 350 degrees for an hour. You can stay in longer, but your skin will toughen. |
1.2736 |
0.05925 |
106 |
86 |
11 |
9 |
1206 |
I recommend 450 degrees for one hour instead of the deep fryer. |
1.2735 |
0.04949 |
117 |
90 |
22 |
5 |
1207 |
For your own health, I am advising you to quit getting loaded. |
1.2735 |
0.04642 |
117 |
88 |
26 |
3 |
1208 |
We can tackle the third eye today, but I'm afraid you'll need a referral for the missing ear. |
1.2735 |
0.04798 |
117 |
89 |
24 |
4 |
1209 |
Have you tried taking that frown and turning it upside down? |
1.2734 |
0.04798 |
128 |
99 |
23 |
6 |
1210 |
I don't know how to say this, but there's an ear where your genitals should be |
1.2734 |
0.05048 |
128 |
101 |
19 |
8 |
1211 |
I'll briefly step out of the room so you can remove your body parts. |
1.2727 |
0.05337 |
99 |
76 |
19 |
4 |
1212 |
According our records, you've had a lot of body parts replaced. |
1.2727 |
0.05151 |
110 |
85 |
20 |
5 |
1213 |
I'm afraid you have tuber culosis. |
1.2727 |
0.05710 |
99 |
78 |
15 |
6 |
1214 |
Frankly, your knee-reflex is... well, non-existent. |
1.2727 |
0.05151 |
110 |
85 |
20 |
5 |
1215 |
Let's try Viagra until your replacement part arrives. |
1.2727 |
0.04695 |
121 |
92 |
25 |
4 |
1216 |
Your genetic profile says you are more Idaho than Irish." |
1.2727 |
0.05151 |
110 |
85 |
20 |
5 |
1217 |
Dietwise, I recommend that you avoid being fried food. |
1.2727 |
0.04778 |
143 |
113 |
21 |
9 |
1218 |
The good news is you can do a knee replacement at home. |
1.2727 |
0.06203 |
88 |
70 |
12 |
6 |
1219 |
You think we're toying with you? |
1.2727 |
0.06410 |
88 |
71 |
10 |
7 |
1220 |
Your labs look pretty good but you should cut down on your carbs. |
1.2721 |
0.04722 |
136 |
106 |
23 |
7 |
1221 |
You need to cut down on the carbohydrates. |
1.2720 |
0.05128 |
125 |
99 |
18 |
8 |
1222 |
Good news: Your parts are intact until preschool opens tomorrow.
Bad news: Mike Johnson thinks Mr. Potato Head is part of some gay agenda. |
1.2720 |
0.05252 |
125 |
100 |
16 |
9 |
1223 |
And when did you first notice that your legs had disappeared? |
1.2719 |
0.04871 |
114 |
87 |
23 |
4 |
1224 |
Everyone gets wrinkles; it's just that yours are tastier. |
1.2718 |
0.05378 |
103 |
80 |
18 |
5 |
1225 |
And you say Mrs P.H. uses your missing
appendage alone? |
1.2718 |
0.05885 |
103 |
83 |
12 |
8 |
1226 |
Your pronoun of choice, please. |
1.2718 |
0.05198 |
103 |
79 |
20 |
4 |
1227 |
I might have misunderstood you. After 3 beers did you feel Smashed? or Mashed? |
1.2718 |
0.06045 |
103 |
84 |
10 |
9 |
1228 |
How often are you losing your pieces? |
1.2717 |
0.05377 |
92 |
70 |
19 |
3 |
1229 |
You’re afraid your wife’s going to leave you? She already Hasbro. |
1.2717 |
0.06007 |
92 |
73 |
13 |
6 |
1230 |
Of course, you're obese. You're a potato! |
1.2717 |
0.05595 |
92 |
71 |
17 |
4 |
1231 |
Your replacement parts are pending under couch retrieval. |
1.2712 |
0.05337 |
118 |
94 |
16 |
8 |
1232 |
Do you sometimes feel like you're a potato? |
1.2710 |
0.05240 |
107 |
83 |
19 |
5 |
1233 |
And do you find yourself falling
to
pieces over trivial
matters? |
1.2710 |
0.05566 |
107 |
85 |
15 |
7 |
1234 |
Yes, you're in great shape for another presidential run. |
1.2710 |
0.05722 |
107 |
86 |
13 |
8 |
1235 |
You’re in luck: Mrs. Potato Head is an exact donor match. |
1.2710 |
0.05405 |
107 |
84 |
17 |
6 |
1236 |
Your carbohydrates are on the high side. |
1.2708 |
0.05826 |
96 |
76 |
14 |
6 |
1237 |
Talk to Mr. peanut about his diet. |
1.2708 |
0.05017 |
96 |
72 |
22 |
2 |
1238 |
At least you won't have knee problems later. |
1.2705 |
0.04943 |
122 |
95 |
21 |
6 |
1239 |
There’s the matter of you storing spare parts near your prostate… |
1.2705 |
0.05339 |
122 |
98 |
15 |
9 |
1240 |
Your tests show good levels of calcium, potassium, vitamin C but we’ve got to watch the starch. |
1.2705 |
0.04804 |
122 |
94 |
23 |
5 |
1241 |
How long have you had these feelings that you came up from dirt |
1.2705 |
0.04804 |
122 |
94 |
23 |
5 |
1242 |
Good news - you are benign tuber. |
1.2703 |
0.05571 |
111 |
89 |
14 |
8 |
1243 |
Radiation therapy shrank the tumor, and made the entire oncology wing smell like tater tots. |
1.2703 |
0.05422 |
111 |
88 |
16 |
7 |
1244 |
And stay away from the fryer. |
1.2703 |
0.04948 |
111 |
85 |
22 |
4 |
1245 |
Good news, it’s not blight. |
1.2703 |
0.04779 |
111 |
84 |
24 |
3 |
1246 |
The rhinoplasty worked great but if you don’t like it I can switch it out in about 2 minutes |
1.2703 |
0.05111 |
111 |
86 |
20 |
5 |
1247 |
You misinterpreted quit
while you’re a head. Go back to work. |
1.2700 |
0.05478 |
100 |
78 |
17 |
5 |
1248 |
The results aren't good. You might want to put on your sad eyes. |
1.2697 |
0.06140 |
89 |
71 |
12 |
6 |
1249 |
Your son will be a vegetable. |
1.2697 |
0.06543 |
89 |
73 |
8 |
8 |
1250 |
You need to eases up on the butter and sour cream... |
1.2697 |
0.05929 |
89 |
70 |
14 |
5 |
1251 |
In your case, plastic surgery will be quick and easy, but I don't think it's going to give you the natural look you're hoping for. |
1.2697 |
0.05709 |
89 |
69 |
16 |
4 |
1252 |
I’ll refer you to a toddler who can rearrange your face. |
1.2696 |
0.04674 |
115 |
87 |
25 |
3 |
1253 |
Based on our results, we've found that you're struggling with something called,"Couch Potato Disorder" |
1.2696 |
0.05287 |
115 |
91 |
17 |
7 |
1254 |
Can remember anything about when it might’ve fallen off? |
1.2696 |
0.05429 |
115 |
92 |
15 |
8 |
1255 |
I think it's time to start backing off the carbs. |
1.2696 |
0.04835 |
115 |
88 |
23 |
4 |
1256 |
Where would you like me to stick the thermometer? |
1.2696 |
0.05141 |
115 |
90 |
19 |
6 |
1257 |
It seems you’ve been spending a little too much time on the couch. |
1.2696 |
0.05287 |
115 |
91 |
17 |
7 |
1258 |
Avoid the stove at all costs and stay away from dairy products! |
1.2696 |
0.04990 |
115 |
89 |
21 |
5 |
1259 |
Yes, you're able to have tots, however... |
1.2692 |
0.05098 |
130 |
104 |
17 |
9 |
1260 |
Nothing a little salt and ketchup won't fix. |
1.2692 |
0.05505 |
104 |
82 |
16 |
6 |
1261 |
The newest GMOs have proven quite effective. |
1.2692 |
0.04970 |
104 |
79 |
22 |
3 |
1262 |
I'm going to refer you to a plastic surgeon |
1.2689 |
0.04728 |
119 |
91 |
24 |
4 |
1263 |
Today the ears, tomorrow the nose job, but we have to work on that smile. |
1.2689 |
0.04575 |
119 |
90 |
26 |
3 |
1264 |
Sure, we can change everything, but it's going to cost you an arm and a leg. |
1.2689 |
0.05297 |
119 |
95 |
16 |
8 |
1265 |
It's a simple nose job. |
1.2688 |
0.05542 |
93 |
72 |
17 |
4 |
1266 |
Insurance won’t cover the hat transplant — it’s cosmetic. |
1.2688 |
0.05749 |
93 |
73 |
15 |
5 |
1267 |
Insurance covers the eyes and nose but not the hat. |
1.2688 |
0.05542 |
93 |
72 |
17 |
4 |
1268 |
It's quite normal for you to retain water. |
1.2685 |
0.04853 |
108 |
82 |
23 |
3 |
1269 |
Good news and bad news. The good news is, you're fine. The bad news is, I'm starving. |
1.2685 |
0.05361 |
108 |
85 |
17 |
6 |
1270 |
You say that you hardly recognize yourself? |
1.2685 |
0.05361 |
108 |
85 |
17 |
6 |
1271 |
Lucky you! You don't even have a prostate. |
1.2685 |
0.05361 |
108 |
85 |
17 |
6 |
1272 |
I'm concerned about your BMI. |
1.2685 |
0.05197 |
108 |
84 |
19 |
5 |
1273 |
The results are negative, so you can go swap out your face for a happier expression. |
1.2685 |
0.04853 |
108 |
82 |
23 |
3 |
1274 |
My condolences to the loss of your wife to a deep fryer accident |
1.2683 |
0.05768 |
82 |
63 |
16 |
3 |
1275 |
Take off your legs and lie down so we can get started. |
1.2683 |
0.05042 |
123 |
97 |
19 |
7 |
1276 |
I think it’s Covid, but I can’t rule out
Tuber-culosis |
1.2683 |
0.04770 |
123 |
95 |
23 |
5 |
1277 |
We definitely can make changes to your face, but looking “like Tom Selleck is not doable |
1.2683 |
0.05768 |
82 |
63 |
16 |
3 |
1278 |
I see you've had some work done. |
1.2680 |
0.05584 |
97 |
76 |
16 |
5 |
1279 |
And how would you rate the pain of your trauma after witnessing ketchup on fries? |
1.2680 |
0.05773 |
97 |
77 |
14 |
6 |
1280 |
I'm sorry to tell you that you have a tuber. |
1.2680 |
0.05773 |
97 |
77 |
14 |
6 |
1281 |
I'm sorry, sir, but your insurance company doesn't cover 'transitioning to Mrs. Potato Head'. |
1.2679 |
0.05379 |
112 |
89 |
16 |
7 |
1282 |
It says here they dressed you up and threw you down the stairs? |
1.2679 |
0.05670 |
112 |
91 |
12 |
9 |
1283 |
Have you tried simply avoiding the Barbie aisle? |
1.2679 |
0.04909 |
112 |
86 |
22 |
4 |
1284 |
I have the results from your biopsy. Unfortunately, it’s a tuber. |
1.2679 |
0.04743 |
112 |
85 |
24 |
3 |
1285 |
Just as I suspected..tuberculosis. |
1.2674 |
0.06282 |
86 |
69 |
11 |
6 |
1286 |
Sir, this is your 5th plastic surgery appointment this week. |
1.2674 |
0.05830 |
86 |
67 |
15 |
4 |
1287 |
I know I look put together on the outside, but I feel empty inside. |
1.2674 |
0.05830 |
86 |
67 |
15 |
4 |
1288 |
Yes, I know you don't usually fill that hole, but a prostate exam is recommended at your age. |
1.2673 |
0.05245 |
101 |
78 |
19 |
4 |
1289 |
I have bad news, try not to fall to pieces... |
1.2673 |
0.05610 |
101 |
80 |
15 |
6 |
1290 |
OK, once more. No, ED medication won't help you. |
1.2673 |
0.05430 |
101 |
79 |
17 |
5 |
1291 |
You say you are chastized by other spuds because you only have two eyse? |
1.2673 |
0.04852 |
101 |
76 |
23 |
2 |
1292 |
I'm afraid it's going to cost you an arm and a leg...and maybe an ear. |
1.2672 |
0.05387 |
116 |
93 |
15 |
8 |
1293 |
Watch the ketchup intake. |
1.2667 |
0.05458 |
105 |
83 |
16 |
6 |
1294 |
So you say you're having problems in the sack? |
1.2667 |
0.06079 |
90 |
72 |
12 |
6 |
1295 |
I’m sorry, Idaho is out of network. |
1.2667 |
0.05288 |
105 |
82 |
18 |
5 |
1296 |
I said...new ears aren't shipping for another 5 months. |
1.2667 |
0.05288 |
105 |
82 |
18 |
5 |
1297 |
I know you thought you saw blood, but it was just ketchup |
1.2667 |
0.05428 |
90 |
69 |
18 |
3 |
1298 |
You need to stretch your legs. |
1.2667 |
0.05784 |
105 |
85 |
12 |
8 |
1299 |
You have enough fiber but you need to exercise more |
1.2667 |
0.05288 |
105 |
82 |
18 |
5 |
1300 |
No, not tumor; tuber! |
1.2667 |
0.05653 |
90 |
70 |
16 |
4 |
1301 |
Well, good news. It's not a tuber. |
1.2667 |
0.05458 |
105 |
83 |
16 |
6 |
1302 |
Cut back on the carbs. |
1.2661 |
0.05006 |
124 |
98 |
19 |
7 |
1303 |
Once your biopsy is out of the fryer, you’re good to go |
1.2661 |
0.05135 |
124 |
99 |
17 |
8 |
1304 |
You suffer from blight, and it may be genetic. |
1.2661 |
0.04988 |
109 |
84 |
21 |
4 |
1305 |
Yes Mr. Potato, I can assure you that after the procedure we will be applying lactose free cheese AND lactose free sour cream near the incision. |
1.2661 |
0.04814 |
109 |
83 |
23 |
3 |
1306 |
So, are you feeling more chipper or less chipper lately? |
1.2661 |
0.04988 |
109 |
84 |
21 |
4 |
1307 |
The X-ray shows nothing.” |
1.2660 |
0.05695 |
94 |
74 |
15 |
5 |
1308 |
No, phantom leg pain is not caused by excess body starch. |
1.2660 |
0.05695 |
94 |
74 |
15 |
5 |
1309 |
I will call in a prescription for lips, but everything else looks ok. |
1.2660 |
0.06083 |
94 |
76 |
11 |
7 |
1310 |
You’re down a peg. |
1.2660 |
0.06083 |
94 |
76 |
11 |
7 |
1311 |
You'd like me to rearrange your entire face? Noooo problem. |
1.2660 |
0.05278 |
94 |
72 |
19 |
3 |
1312 |
We can replace almost everything, but you'll have to grow your own eyes. |
1.2660 |
0.05278 |
94 |
72 |
19 |
3 |
1313 |
Well Mr. Potatohead it appears that you just don’t have that particular part. |
1.2656 |
0.04896 |
128 |
101 |
20 |
7 |
1314 |
How long have you had this fear of being eaten? |
1.2655 |
0.05186 |
113 |
89 |
18 |
6 |
1315 |
Congratulation, your cholesterol level is surprising low |
1.2655 |
0.05186 |
113 |
89 |
18 |
6 |
1316 |
Okay, Mr... do you pronounce it "Po-TAY-to-hed" or "Po-TAH-to-hed?" |
1.2655 |
0.05031 |
113 |
88 |
20 |
5 |
1317 |
The test results for touching your toes were excellent. |
1.2655 |
0.04707 |
113 |
86 |
24 |
3 |
1318 |
I see you’ve lost your glasses again. |
1.2655 |
0.04536 |
113 |
85 |
26 |
2 |
1319 |
So here's a note, for whoever needs it, stating that you are a benign tuber. |
1.2655 |
0.05336 |
113 |
90 |
16 |
7 |
1320 |
I don't think a paleo diet is really the answer for you. |
1.2655 |
0.05031 |
113 |
88 |
20 |
5 |
1321 |
If you want to make tots you need to spend less time on the couch. |
1.2655 |
0.04872 |
113 |
87 |
22 |
4 |
1322 |
I’m sorry to tell you this but you’ve sprouted. It’s only a matter of days now. |
1.2655 |
0.05186 |
113 |
89 |
18 |
6 |
1323 |
You’re a surgeon’s dream…interchangeable parts.” |
1.2655 |
0.05186 |
113 |
89 |
18 |
6 |
1324 |
Yes, well with Thanksgiving coming up, feeling like you're nothing but a side dish is perfectly understandable. |
1.2653 |
0.05340 |
98 |
76 |
18 |
4 |
1325 |
I don't think Ozempic will help. |
1.2653 |
0.05340 |
98 |
76 |
18 |
4 |
1326 |
Well sir,the good news is: we’ve determined what’s causing your e.d. However, the bad news is: Hasbro doesn’t make that part. |
1.2653 |
0.05139 |
98 |
75 |
20 |
3 |
1327 |
So, how's that new eye working out for you? |
1.2653 |
0.05139 |
98 |
75 |
20 |
3 |
1328 |
You need to peel yourself off your couch and be a little more spud-taneous! |
1.2653 |
0.05533 |
98 |
77 |
16 |
5 |
1329 |
Well, you can't continue behaving like your body is just a set of parts that you can switch out willy-nilly as the mood strikes you. |
1.2653 |
0.05139 |
98 |
75 |
20 |
3 |
1330 |
Mr. P, results are good, so put on your happy face. |
1.2652 |
0.04416 |
132 |
101 |
27 |
4 |
1331 |
No, I'm sorry, but I cannot ethically give you an eye in the back of your head. |
1.2651 |
0.06658 |
83 |
68 |
8 |
7 |
1332 |
You're unable to have tots. |
1.2650 |
0.05482 |
117 |
95 |
13 |
9 |
1333 |
When was the last time you had a bowel movement? |
1.2650 |
0.05063 |
117 |
92 |
19 |
6 |
1334 |
Your cholesterol level is, well, it’s nonexistent. Keep up the good work. |
1.2647 |
0.05383 |
102 |
80 |
17 |
5 |
1335 |
I admit, your legs should be longer. |
1.2647 |
0.04810 |
136 |
108 |
20 |
8 |
1336 |
Your potassium level is high. |
1.2647 |
0.04922 |
136 |
109 |
18 |
9 |
1337 |
So, you have this feeling of pins and needles in your extremities? |
1.2647 |
0.05200 |
102 |
79 |
19 |
4 |
1338 |
I have some bad news for you, Mr. Spud. The eyes in the back of your head have cataracts. |
1.2645 |
0.05084 |
121 |
96 |
18 |
7 |
1339 |
your medical record looks good despite the years of child abuse you've endured. |
1.2645 |
0.04660 |
121 |
93 |
24 |
4 |
1340 |
You may want to take out your sad face before I read your test results. |
1.2644 |
0.05288 |
87 |
66 |
19 |
2 |
1341 |
Ok,when did everything start coming apart? |
1.2644 |
0.05535 |
87 |
67 |
17 |
3 |
1342 |
Today we'll be removing your eyes, ears, mouth, arms, legs and eyebrows. |
1.2642 |
0.05412 |
106 |
84 |
16 |
6 |
1343 |
I see here your grandmother suffered from blight. |
1.2642 |
0.05735 |
106 |
86 |
12 |
8 |
1344 |
When I said, couch, potato, I didn’t mean it as a compliment. |
1.2642 |
0.05244 |
106 |
83 |
18 |
5 |
1345 |
You should cut the carbs. |
1.2640 |
0.04420 |
125 |
95 |
27 |
3 |
1346 |
This is technically off-label, but I'm going to suggest we try super glue. |
1.2637 |
0.06019 |
91 |
73 |
12 |
6 |
1347 |
Yes, I know you’ve been tossed from one doctor to another, but with a fever at 104°F, what did you expect? |
1.2637 |
0.05813 |
91 |
72 |
14 |
5 |
1348 |
Has anyone ever told you, you look like Steve Harvey? |
1.2636 |
0.05582 |
110 |
89 |
13 |
8 |
1349 |
Yeah,I'd have to agree: "Mr. Quinoahead" may be healthier for you, but it doesn't have the same ring to it. |
1.2636 |
0.05430 |
110 |
88 |
15 |
7 |
1350 |
Good news! Based on these lab tests, you could live for centuries - even if you're accidentally buried in a landfill. |
1.2636 |
0.04948 |
110 |
85 |
21 |
4 |
1351 |
I think many of your problems could be solved with a change of hat. |
1.2632 |
0.05439 |
95 |
74 |
17 |
4 |
1352 |
So you're still having a hard time staying away from carbs? |
1.2632 |
0.05294 |
114 |
91 |
16 |
7 |
1353 |
Do you sometimes feel disconnected? |
1.2632 |
0.05641 |
95 |
75 |
15 |
5 |
1354 |
Looks like all the pieces are in place. |
1.2632 |
0.04992 |
114 |
89 |
20 |
5 |
1355 |
It so happens I'm also from Idaho |
1.2632 |
0.04834 |
114 |
88 |
22 |
4 |
1356 |
So you’ve been falling apart?” |
1.2632 |
0.05439 |
95 |
74 |
17 |
4 |
1357 |
Considering the last time you saw me you were missing one ear, your nose, your mustache, and your hat, I'd say you're looking quite good, Mr Head. |
1.2626 |
0.05668 |
99 |
79 |
14 |
6 |
1358 |
XRays show a barbie shoe, half of a crayon and a lego man, but I suppose you happened to 'fall' on those, too. |
1.2626 |
0.05483 |
99 |
78 |
16 |
5 |
1359 |
So, the bad news is, you are a potato head.
The good news is, the hat looks fabulous on you. |
1.2626 |
0.05847 |
99 |
80 |
12 |
7 |
1360 |
Not to worry, sprouts like this are perfectly normal for a potato of your age. |
1.2626 |
0.05668 |
99 |
79 |
14 |
6 |
1361 |
And do you have any implants? |
1.2626 |
0.05094 |
99 |
76 |
20 |
3 |
1362 |
So I hear you've been complaining of feeling detached? |
1.2625 |
0.06350 |
80 |
64 |
11 |
5 |
1363 |
Changing your outlook will help. What other sets of eyes do you own? |
1.2625 |
0.06350 |
80 |
64 |
11 |
5 |
1364 |
We've contacted Hasbro. Unfortunately, the attachment you're requesting isn't available. |
1.2625 |
0.06096 |
80 |
63 |
13 |
4 |
1365 |
The brain puzzle work outs have clearly worked, but you need to get back to the arm and leg exercises. |
1.2625 |
0.06595 |
80 |
65 |
9 |
6 |
1366 |
What exactly do you expect the Viagra to do? |
1.2625 |
0.05831 |
80 |
62 |
15 |
3 |
1367 |
The nurse tells me you feel you are spuddering out. |
1.2625 |
0.05831 |
80 |
62 |
15 |
3 |
1368 |
I'm feeling pretty baked. |
1.2623 |
0.04911 |
122 |
96 |
20 |
6 |
1369 |
Your tests have come back. I’m afraid you have tuberculosis. |
1.2623 |
0.04478 |
122 |
93 |
26 |
3 |
1370 |
Everything looks good — just cut back on the starch. |
1.2623 |
0.04771 |
122 |
95 |
22 |
5 |
1371 |
You definitely have to cut back on the carbs! |
1.2623 |
0.05047 |
122 |
97 |
18 |
7 |
1372 |
I’m going to refer you to an ear, nose, and hat specialist. |
1.2621 |
0.05512 |
103 |
82 |
15 |
6 |
1373 |
Says here you have a fear of being mashed! |
1.2621 |
0.05337 |
103 |
81 |
17 |
5 |
1374 |
Nothing I can do for the back - you’re spineless. |
1.2621 |
0.04967 |
103 |
79 |
21 |
3 |
1375 |
If we attach long legs your BMI will improve markedly. |
1.2621 |
0.05155 |
103 |
80 |
19 |
4 |
1376 |
Actually,we need to put something different in that hole today |
1.2621 |
0.05512 |
103 |
82 |
15 |
6 |
1377 |
Most things look OK but your starch is off the charts. |
1.2621 |
0.05682 |
103 |
83 |
13 |
7 |
1378 |
So when did this overall stiffness begin? |
1.2619 |
0.06135 |
84 |
67 |
12 |
5 |
1379 |
May I call you Potato, or do you prefer Mr. Head |
1.2619 |
0.06135 |
84 |
67 |
12 |
5 |
1380 |
Allow me to explain what will happen to your eyes |
1.2617 |
0.05028 |
107 |
83 |
20 |
4 |
1381 |
When did you first notice your penis was missing? |
1.2617 |
0.05839 |
107 |
88 |
10 |
9 |
1382 |
Luckily, your concerns are overbaked. |
1.2617 |
0.05200 |
107 |
84 |
18 |
5 |
1383 |
You're going to have to cut down on the carbs. |
1.2614 |
0.05480 |
88 |
68 |
17 |
3 |
1384 |
I see here you are worried about micro-plastics in your diet. |
1.2614 |
0.06153 |
88 |
71 |
11 |
6 |
1385 |
I'm prescribing sour cream and chives. |
1.2613 |
0.04739 |
111 |
85 |
23 |
3 |
1386 |
I understand you are feeling a bit disconnected. |
1.2613 |
0.04909 |
111 |
86 |
21 |
4 |
1387 |
Idaho? I don't think I've ever really met anyone from Idaho before! |
1.2613 |
0.05073 |
111 |
87 |
19 |
5 |
1388 |
Any sudden changes? |
1.2613 |
0.05386 |
111 |
89 |
15 |
7 |
1389 |
Mr. Potato Head, I'm sorry to say it, but... you're losing your pieces. |
1.2613 |
0.04739 |
111 |
85 |
23 |
3 |
1390 |
We need to talk about your nutrition. |
1.2613 |
0.05386 |
111 |
89 |
15 |
7 |
1391 |
In your case, a vegetative state is a plus. |
1.2609 |
0.05106 |
115 |
91 |
18 |
6 |
1392 |
It says here you are transgender? |
1.2609 |
0.05106 |
115 |
91 |
18 |
6 |
1393 |
You really do have eyes in the back of your head. |
1.2609 |
0.05106 |
115 |
91 |
18 |
6 |
1394 |
Let's put you on a low carb diet an I'll see you in a few weeks. |
1.2609 |
0.05325 |
92 |
71 |
18 |
3 |
1395 |
Unfortunately, the test results say you're basically a vegetable. |
1.2609 |
0.05960 |
92 |
74 |
12 |
6 |
1396 |
I just want to say, before we get started, the work you've had done thus far is really impressive. |
1.2609 |
0.05756 |
92 |
73 |
14 |
5 |
1397 |
And when did you first notice you had extra arms stored in your backside? |
1.2609 |
0.04636 |
115 |
88 |
24 |
3 |
1398 |
There is a high rate of phantom limb syndrome reported in your demographic group, unfortunately there's no known cure. |
1.2605 |
0.04539 |
119 |
91 |
25 |
3 |
1399 |
Have you tried taking it off and putting it back on again? |
1.2604 |
0.05389 |
96 |
75 |
17 |
4 |
1400 |
So, apart from your fears of being mashed, boiled, fried, diced,roasted, sauteed or shoe-stringed, you'd say you were happy with all the plastic bits? |
1.2604 |
0.05782 |
96 |
77 |
13 |
6 |
1401 |
I have some bad news for you Mr. Head, the lab results came back positive for tuber-culosis. |
1.2604 |
0.05969 |
96 |
78 |
11 |
7 |
1402 |
Your main problem is your high glycemic index. |
1.2604 |
0.05589 |
96 |
76 |
15 |
5 |
1403 |
Based on the size of your head, are you any relation to the previous president? |
1.2604 |
0.05182 |
96 |
74 |
19 |
3 |
1404 |
Your potassium levels are high, but no clue why your arms keep falling off. |
1.2600 |
0.05617 |
100 |
80 |
14 |
6 |
1405 |
Have you considered becoming a french fries donor? |
1.2597 |
0.06511 |
77 |
62 |
10 |
5 |
1406 |
It says here you’re scheduled for a colonoscopy but…that can’t be right. |
1.2596 |
0.05291 |
104 |
82 |
17 |
5 |
1407 |
I'm afraid you have a basal cell carcinoma on your ear. Fortunately, it will be easy to remove. |
1.2596 |
0.05112 |
104 |
81 |
19 |
4 |
1408 |
It's either poh-tay-tow or poh-tah-tow syndrome. |
1.2596 |
0.04926 |
104 |
80 |
21 |
3 |
1409 |
I have your test results and I’m pleased to say they’re interchangeable. |
1.2596 |
0.05633 |
104 |
84 |
13 |
7 |
1410 |
Just checking. In case of emergency, call Sheriff Woody? |
1.2596 |
0.05291 |
104 |
82 |
17 |
5 |
1411 |
It says here you’re not getting enough starch. How do you explain that ? |
1.2595 |
0.04672 |
131 |
103 |
22 |
6 |
1412 |
Cut down on carbs and work on upper body strength. |
1.2593 |
0.05493 |
81 |
62 |
17 |
2 |
1413 |
I see your allergies are sour cream, butter, and chives. |
1.2593 |
0.05493 |
81 |
62 |
17 |
2 |
1414 |
About that problem with your knees, when exactly was it that you last saw them? |
1.2593 |
0.06029 |
81 |
64 |
13 |
4 |
1415 |
Idaho wants you to donate your body before you die. |
1.2593 |
0.05158 |
108 |
85 |
18 |
5 |
1416 |
In your case, a nose job would be a very simple procedure. |
1.2593 |
0.04810 |
108 |
83 |
22 |
3 |
1417 |
I can do the surgery but you don’t have a knee to replace. |
1.2593 |
0.06521 |
81 |
66 |
9 |
6 |
1418 |
You may die a vegetable. |
1.2589 |
0.05343 |
112 |
90 |
15 |
7 |
1419 |
Did your depression start when kids stopped sticking pieces of plastic into vegetables and moved onto video games? |
1.2589 |
0.05343 |
112 |
90 |
15 |
7 |
1420 |
I do have a few medical questions, of course. But how did you get up on the examination table? |
1.2589 |
0.05190 |
112 |
89 |
17 |
6 |
1421 |
You seem like a good candidate for a transplant. |
1.2589 |
0.05033 |
112 |
88 |
19 |
5 |
1422 |
Sprouts are normal. Tell her there's nothing I can do. |
1.2588 |
0.06296 |
85 |
69 |
10 |
6 |
1423 |
Would you sign my lab coat? |
1.2588 |
0.05835 |
85 |
67 |
14 |
4 |
1424 |
Just put a little sour cream and chives on that and it will clear up in a jiffy. |
1.2586 |
0.05212 |
116 |
93 |
16 |
7 |
1425 |
First the bad news; you're a tuber.
On the bright side, the FDA has given you a Grade A rating. |
1.2584 |
0.05656 |
89 |
70 |
15 |
4 |
1426 |
I see here that you are feeling like a nobody and have no legs to stand on. |
1.2581 |
0.05492 |
93 |
73 |
16 |
4 |
1427 |
I'm afraid the MRI shows evidence of a large tuber. |
1.2581 |
0.05701 |
93 |
74 |
14 |
5 |
1428 |
First, I'll need you to take off your face. |
1.2577 |
0.05340 |
97 |
76 |
17 |
4 |
1429 |
You're going to need a hip replacement. It'll only take a minute. |
1.2577 |
0.05538 |
97 |
77 |
15 |
5 |
1430 |
I’m sorry, but all the parts you need are on back order. |
1.2577 |
0.05135 |
97 |
75 |
19 |
3 |
1431 |
Give us a call if you find a nose where your arm should be. |
1.2577 |
0.05340 |
97 |
76 |
17 |
4 |
1432 |
I guess coming from me, " Mash em' boil em' stick them in a stew." Would be offensive to you. |
1.2574 |
0.05743 |
101 |
82 |
12 |
7 |
1433 |
I'd like to keep you here overnight for amusement. |
1.2574 |
0.05200 |
101 |
79 |
18 |
4 |
1434 |
Doc, I’m just fried. |
1.2574 |
0.05200 |
101 |
79 |
18 |
4 |
1435 |
I'm going to refer you to a good olericulturist. |
1.2574 |
0.05200 |
101 |
79 |
18 |
4 |
1436 |
Congratulations on your successful mustache transplant. |
1.2574 |
0.05200 |
101 |
79 |
18 |
4 |
1437 |
You are in danger of becming a vegetable |
1.2574 |
0.04428 |
136 |
106 |
25 |
5 |
1438 |
You’re trapped in a New Yorker cartoon, Mr. Koslowsky. |
1.2571 |
0.05418 |
105 |
84 |
15 |
6 |
1439 |
How long have you had these "eyes" in the back of your head? |
1.2571 |
0.05069 |
105 |
82 |
19 |
4 |
1440 |
Bad news. You need to stay off the couch and eat a low carb diet. |
1.2571 |
0.05246 |
105 |
83 |
17 |
5 |
1441 |
The hands worked out well; now let’s see what we can do for your feet. |
1.2571 |
0.05069 |
105 |
82 |
19 |
4 |
1442 |
Stay away from starch. |
1.2571 |
0.04462 |
140 |
110 |
24 |
6 |
1443 |
Stay away from butter, hot oils and microwaves and you’ll be fine. |
1.2569 |
0.05279 |
109 |
87 |
16 |
6 |
1444 |
These days it's all handled by a plastic surgeon. |
1.2566 |
0.04833 |
113 |
88 |
21 |
4 |
1445 |
I’m sorry, but it’s just the way you were put together. |
1.2566 |
0.04993 |
113 |
89 |
19 |
5 |
1446 |
...and stay out of the sun, so that you don't peel |
1.2566 |
0.04833 |
113 |
88 |
21 |
4 |
1447 |
I just can't keep it together. |
1.2564 |
0.05172 |
117 |
94 |
16 |
7 |
1448 |
The tests show you can't lose weight. You're a couch potato. |
1.2564 |
0.06171 |
78 |
62 |
12 |
4 |
1449 |
You're perfectly fine...it could be Lyonnaise-by-Proxy syndrome." |
1.2564 |
0.06435 |
78 |
63 |
10 |
5 |
1450 |
You need to go on a low carb diet. |
1.2564 |
0.04879 |
117 |
92 |
20 |
5 |
1451 |
I have a treatment plan, but it is half baked |
1.2561 |
0.05151 |
82 |
62 |
19 |
1 |
1452 |
The technical term is "half-baked." |
1.2558 |
0.06006 |
86 |
69 |
12 |
5 |
1453 |
In my professional opinion, I'd recommend butter, sour cream, and chives. |
1.2558 |
0.04575 |
129 |
101 |
23 |
5 |
1454 |
I'm afraid I'll have to remove all your extremities to get to the root of your problem. |
1.2558 |
0.06006 |
86 |
69 |
12 |
5 |
1455 |
A pear-shaped body may be healthy, but you still need to cut down on the carbs! |
1.2556 |
0.05373 |
90 |
70 |
17 |
3 |
1456 |
You should cut back on your starch. |
1.2553 |
0.05002 |
94 |
72 |
20 |
2 |
1457 |
Your insurance allows one upgrade per year. Do you want a new shoe,a reading eye,or a different mustache? |
1.2553 |
0.05647 |
94 |
75 |
14 |
5 |
1458 |
I'm afraid you'll need to cut down on the starch. |
1.2553 |
0.05002 |
94 |
72 |
20 |
2 |
1459 |
Turns out you're a seed potato, not a baker. |
1.2553 |
0.05226 |
94 |
73 |
18 |
3 |
1460 |
Nice to meet you, Joe. Now I can see why the statins your primary prescribed didn't lower your catastrophic cholesterol levels. |
1.2553 |
0.05226 |
94 |
73 |
18 |
3 |
1461 |
You've got Tuber-culosis |
1.2553 |
0.05440 |
94 |
74 |
16 |
4 |
1462 |
You have Tater Tots – what humans call Hemorrhoids. |
1.2551 |
0.05292 |
98 |
77 |
17 |
4 |
1463 |
Off-the-shelf toys don't actually require a prescription. |
1.2551 |
0.05487 |
98 |
78 |
15 |
5 |
1464 |
So far, so good. Now let’s check your tater tots. |
1.2551 |
0.05676 |
98 |
79 |
13 |
6 |
1465 |
Well, other that that bat stuck up your nose, you're in great shape. |
1.2551 |
0.05676 |
98 |
79 |
13 |
6 |
1466 |
Well, everything seems normal, but what's with those little gloves? |
1.2551 |
0.05292 |
98 |
77 |
17 |
4 |
1467 |
Everything looks good. There's no reason why you can't resume your work for police departments that can't afford a sketch artist. |
1.2551 |
0.05487 |
98 |
78 |
15 |
5 |
1468 |
Your test results all look good right now, but you really need to take better care of yourself. Parts seem to fall off as we age. |
1.2551 |
0.05676 |
98 |
79 |
13 |
6 |
1469 |
Viagra? I am thinking more prosthetic. |
1.2551 |
0.05487 |
98 |
78 |
15 |
5 |
1470 |
Yes, we’ll run some tests, but I think it’s probably all in your head. |
1.2551 |
0.05292 |
98 |
77 |
17 |
4 |
1471 |
I'm sorry, Mr. Head. Anyway you slice it, you're fried. |
1.2549 |
0.05340 |
102 |
81 |
16 |
5 |
1472 |
You know what they say,you are what you eat. |
1.2549 |
0.05155 |
102 |
80 |
18 |
4 |
1473 |
You're gonna have to cut down on the carbs |
1.2549 |
0.05518 |
102 |
82 |
14 |
6 |
1474 |
The tests show nothing to be concerned about. I think it's all in your head. |
1.2547 |
0.05202 |
106 |
84 |
17 |
5 |
1475 |
We don’t accept Brown Cross Brown Shield. |
1.2547 |
0.05027 |
106 |
83 |
19 |
4 |
1476 |
The prognosis is not good--prepare to fry. |
1.2547 |
0.05372 |
106 |
85 |
15 |
6 |
1477 |
You say Humpty Dumpty is on your mother's side? |
1.2547 |
0.05202 |
106 |
84 |
17 |
5 |
1478 |
I'm afraid you only have two weeks before being mashed. |
1.2547 |
0.05537 |
106 |
86 |
13 |
7 |
1479 |
Apparently bicep add-ons are not covered by the HMO. |
1.2547 |
0.05853 |
106 |
88 |
9 |
9 |
1480 |
You have six months to live. |
1.2547 |
0.05372 |
106 |
85 |
15 |
6 |
1481 |
From now on stick to butter, bacon, and cheese. |
1.2547 |
0.05372 |
106 |
85 |
15 |
6 |
1482 |
I can see on your face that the enema worked. |
1.2545 |
0.04907 |
110 |
86 |
20 |
4 |
1483 |
Well, it's not tuberculosis. |
1.2545 |
0.04734 |
110 |
85 |
22 |
3 |
1484 |
I know you feel empty inside, but adding all this stuff on the outside isn't going to help. |
1.2545 |
0.04734 |
110 |
85 |
22 |
3 |
1485 |
Yes sir, it's true there are medications that can help with E.D., but you have to have something to E. |
1.2545 |
0.05074 |
110 |
87 |
18 |
5 |
1486 |
I really suggest you cut down on the carbs. |
1.2544 |
0.04955 |
114 |
90 |
19 |
5 |
1487 |
Have you tried replacing it with a different one? |
1.2537 |
0.04579 |
134 |
106 |
22 |
6 |
1488 |
The problem is, too much starch in your diet. |
1.2530 |
0.05378 |
83 |
64 |
17 |
2 |
1489 |
well none of your parts have fallen off |
1.2530 |
0.05899 |
83 |
66 |
13 |
4 |
1490 |
Can you stick out your tongue and say ‘Au gratin’? |
1.2529 |
0.05944 |
87 |
70 |
12 |
5 |
1491 |
Your gender reassignment surgery was a complete success, Mrs Potato. |
1.2529 |
0.06165 |
87 |
71 |
10 |
6 |
1492 |
We ran your complaint past Chat GPT and AI referenced Occams Razor and advised, "French Fries". |
1.2529 |
0.05715 |
87 |
69 |
14 |
4 |
1493 |
You can have children, but only ages two and up. |
1.2529 |
0.05226 |
87 |
67 |
18 |
2 |
1494 |
Get plenty of rest and stay in the box as much as possible. |
1.2529 |
0.05476 |
87 |
68 |
16 |
3 |
1495 |
And I’m required to ask, in the last month have you contemplated mashing, roasting, or hashing yourself? |
1.2527 |
0.05762 |
91 |
73 |
13 |
5 |
1496 |
I see you’ve taken gender-affirming care into your own hands. |
1.2527 |
0.05321 |
91 |
71 |
17 |
3 |
1497 |
You say you're having incessant nightmares of being fried, roasted, or mashed but have no idea why? |
1.2527 |
0.05762 |
91 |
73 |
13 |
5 |
1498 |
I’m prescribing a little sour cream and chives. That should make everything better. |
1.2527 |
0.05086 |
91 |
70 |
19 |
2 |
1499 |
Well,the good news is you don’t have lung cancer. |
1.2527 |
0.05762 |
91 |
73 |
13 |
5 |
1500 |
Sorry, but the exam deductable only covers two eyes. |
1.2527 |
0.05762 |
91 |
73 |
13 |
5 |
1501 |
And you’re happy with the possibility that surgery may leave you a vegetable? |
1.2527 |
0.05086 |
91 |
70 |
19 |
2 |
1502 |
I could refer you to a psychologist for your attachment issues. |
1.2526 |
0.05389 |
95 |
75 |
16 |
4 |
1503 |
Aside from that missing ear, you certainly seem chipper. |
1.2526 |
0.05593 |
95 |
76 |
14 |
5 |
1504 |
I'm afraid the MRI showed a massive tuber. |
1.2526 |
0.04956 |
95 |
73 |
20 |
2 |
1505 |
I'm sorry Mr Potato, unfortunately the donor wants his nose back. |
1.2526 |
0.05593 |
95 |
76 |
14 |
5 |
1506 |
Well, the good news is it's a benign tuber... |
1.2525 |
0.05438 |
99 |
79 |
15 |
5 |
1507 |
You really need to get off the couch! |
1.2525 |
0.05804 |
99 |
81 |
11 |
7 |
1508 |
This operation is going to cost you an arm and a leg. |
1.2524 |
0.05293 |
103 |
82 |
16 |
5 |
1509 |
Further testing is required.
Please remove your hat, eyes, nose, ears, feet and hands.
The nurse will be here to take them |
1.2523 |
0.05327 |
107 |
86 |
15 |
6 |
1510 |
You tore your tater cuff |
1.2523 |
0.04618 |
107 |
82 |
23 |
2 |
1511 |
I thought it was a Zoom filter, doc, and now I don't know what to do! |
1.2523 |
0.04618 |
107 |
82 |
23 |
2 |
1512 |
I really think we need to explore the root cause of your aversions to butter and sour cream |
1.2523 |
0.04805 |
107 |
83 |
21 |
3 |
1513 |
Whn did you start to fel that body parts were dtachd from your body |
1.2523 |
0.04868 |
111 |
87 |
20 |
4 |
1514 |
Always use a condiment as protection from unwanted blandness. |
1.2523 |
0.05349 |
111 |
90 |
14 |
7 |
1515 |
Unfortunately, it's genetics. |
1.2522 |
0.04759 |
115 |
90 |
21 |
4 |
1516 |
your orida ! |
1.2521 |
0.05094 |
119 |
96 |
16 |
7 |
1517 |
I’m afraid you need a hip replacement. |
1.2520 |
0.04842 |
123 |
98 |
19 |
6 |
1518 |
Your complaints are all in your head. |
1.2500 |
0.05038 |
92 |
71 |
19 |
2 |
1519 |
It's not cancer; it's just a s sprout. |
1.2500 |
0.05444 |
108 |
88 |
13 |
7 |
1520 |
Shoes off the table if you don't mind Mister. |
1.2500 |
0.05837 |
84 |
67 |
13 |
4 |
1521 |
I'll need you to take your shoes off for the next exam, but you can leave your face on. |
1.2500 |
0.05339 |
96 |
76 |
16 |
4 |
1522 |
I have your test results. You may want to put on a brave face. |
1.2500 |
0.05270 |
92 |
72 |
17 |
3 |
1523 |
Mind if I call you Potato? Or do you prefer Mr Head? |
1.2500 |
0.04484 |
112 |
86 |
24 |
2 |
1524 |
Your lab work looks delicious. |
1.2500 |
0.05705 |
92 |
74 |
13 |
5 |
1525 |
Unfortunately, we found a lump. |
1.2500 |
0.05152 |
112 |
90 |
16 |
6 |
1526 |
We can take you apart. But I can't guarantee we can put you back together. |
1.2500 |
0.05657 |
88 |
70 |
14 |
4 |
1527 |
I am going to write you a prescription for a butter with a higher SPF. |
1.2500 |
0.05198 |
100 |
79 |
17 |
4 |
1528 |
There's no easy way to say this—we left a scalpel in your compartment. |
1.2500 |
0.05248 |
104 |
83 |
16 |
5 |
1529 |
Replacement parts are not covered by your insurance |
1.2500 |
0.04766 |
108 |
84 |
21 |
3 |
1530 |
Before we go straight to plastic surgery, there are some other alternatives we could try first. |
1.2500 |
0.05837 |
84 |
67 |
13 |
4 |
1531 |
The good news is your parts are all attached. The bad news is your starch levels are through the roof!! |
1.2500 |
0.04911 |
96 |
74 |
20 |
2 |
1532 |
According to your chart, you have a very large head and no legs. |
1.2500 |
0.04911 |
96 |
74 |
20 |
2 |
1533 |
I'm afraid it's your butt flap. |
1.2500 |
0.05000 |
100 |
78 |
19 |
3 |
1534 |
Mr. Head, while we're all very impressed with your lovely array of outer appendages, I'm very concerned that you don't appear to have any internal organs at all. |
1.2500 |
0.05883 |
88 |
71 |
12 |
5 |
1535 |
If this prescription doesn’t resolve your sinus issues, try a different nose. |
1.2500 |
0.05186 |
80 |
61 |
18 |
1 |
1536 |
Sorry, I've looked and looked and you just don't have one. |
1.2500 |
0.05658 |
76 |
59 |
15 |
2 |
1537 |
Your gender reassignment surgery will be easy -- we'll just remove the mustache and apply lipstick. |
1.2500 |
0.06101 |
88 |
72 |
10 |
6 |
1538 |
Do you want my staff to address you as ‘Mister,’ or is just ‘Bob’ OK? |
1.2500 |
0.05152 |
112 |
90 |
16 |
6 |
1539 |
Normally a nose job is considered irreversible, but I think we have some options. |
1.2500 |
0.05000 |
100 |
78 |
19 |
3 |
1540 |
Cut back on the carbs in your diet! |
1.2500 |
0.05585 |
84 |
66 |
15 |
3 |
1541 |
You’re in luck. We can just pop out the bad one and pop in a new one. |
1.2500 |
0.05837 |
84 |
67 |
13 |
4 |
1542 |
There’s an age we all reach when it’ isn’t healthy to continue getting fried and baked |
1.2500 |
0.05423 |
104 |
84 |
14 |
6 |
1543 |
I’ll just step out while you remove everything but your briefs. |
1.2500 |
0.05705 |
92 |
74 |
13 |
5 |
1544 |
I haven't felt this bad since the Vice-President misspelled my name. |
1.2500 |
0.05657 |
88 |
70 |
14 |
4 |
1545 |
...and, you have a recurring nightmare of being chased by a masher... |
1.2500 |
0.05837 |
84 |
67 |
13 |
4 |
1546 |
You just want to see me fall, don't you? |
1.2500 |
0.06309 |
84 |
69 |
9 |
6 |
1547 |
You know what comes next, but I'm guessing you left it at home again? |
1.2500 |
0.05130 |
96 |
75 |
18 |
3 |
1548 |
So you have no idea how a hat, glasses, and extra sets of eyes, noses, and ears got stuck up your butt? |
1.2500 |
0.06110 |
92 |
76 |
9 |
7 |
1549 |
We have to talk about carbs... |
1.2500 |
0.05492 |
92 |
73 |
15 |
4 |
1550 |
Hmm... I believe it to be TUBER-culosis, oh and do get your EYES checked, stay true to your ROOTS, and say hi to Mrs. Potato for me! |
1.2500 |
0.04561 |
116 |
90 |
23 |
3 |
1551 |
Your cholesterol is high. Avoid butter and sour cream. Chives are OK. |
1.2500 |
0.04994 |
112 |
89 |
18 |
5 |
1552 |
How bad is it doc? Fried or mashed? |
1.2500 |
0.05130 |
96 |
75 |
18 |
3 |
1553 |
Head aches? |
1.2500 |
0.05585 |
84 |
66 |
15 |
3 |
1554 |
Have you gotten rid of the coach? |
1.2500 |
0.06033 |
80 |
64 |
12 |
4 |
1555 |
It’s never too late to make some changes…. |
1.2500 |
0.05130 |
96 |
75 |
18 |
3 |
1556 |
So I see here you have a problem with your nose falling off. |
1.2500 |
0.04794 |
100 |
77 |
21 |
2 |
1557 |
Have you ever thought of just gluing them on? |
1.2500 |
0.05116 |
108 |
86 |
17 |
5 |
1558 |
Who did your nose job? |
1.2500 |
0.05960 |
76 |
60 |
13 |
3 |
1559 |
Good morning, Mr. Head. May I call you Potato? |
1.2500 |
0.06101 |
88 |
72 |
10 |
6 |
1560 |
I need you to take off your ears so I can get a closer look... |
1.2479 |
0.05137 |
117 |
95 |
15 |
7 |
1561 |
To get your weight down, I'm putting you on a low-starch diet. |
1.2479 |
0.04527 |
117 |
91 |
23 |
3 |
1562 |
You’re not going to like where your new nose comes from. |
1.2478 |
0.05263 |
113 |
92 |
14 |
7 |
1563 |
And how long have you feared having your eyes plucked out? |
1.2478 |
0.05111 |
113 |
91 |
16 |
6 |
1564 |
Good news on your physical, eyes are clear and your skin is flawless". "The only thing I can recommend, is spending less time on the couch". |
1.2477 |
0.04904 |
109 |
86 |
19 |
4 |
1565 |
I think you're in the wrong office. This is Urology. |
1.2477 |
0.04904 |
109 |
86 |
19 |
4 |
1566 |
When the Vice President encouraged me to ad the "e" , I never though you would be my patient. |
1.2477 |
0.05074 |
109 |
87 |
17 |
5 |
1567 |
How many times a week do you get "baked"? |
1.2476 |
0.04838 |
105 |
82 |
20 |
3 |
1568 |
I have to be honest,the fact that you still have arms,legs,eyes and a nose at this age is remarkable. I really wouldn’t worry about the lipid panel results at this point. |
1.2476 |
0.05203 |
105 |
84 |
16 |
5 |
1569 |
You're suffering from hearing loss because your right ear is missing... |
1.2476 |
0.05376 |
105 |
85 |
14 |
6 |
1570 |
In your case, rhinoplasty should be fairly simple. |
1.2476 |
0.05203 |
105 |
84 |
16 |
5 |
1571 |
So you were the last one in,and you feel rotten? |
1.2476 |
0.05024 |
105 |
83 |
18 |
4 |
1572 |
So what makes you think you've become a couch potato? |
1.2476 |
0.05544 |
105 |
86 |
12 |
7 |
1573 |
How frequently do you have these nightmares of being skinned, chopped and fired? |
1.2476 |
0.05544 |
105 |
86 |
12 |
7 |
1574 |
I guess we’ll skip the reflexes test. |
1.2476 |
0.04645 |
105 |
81 |
22 |
2 |
1575 |
It’s an outpatient procedure. We simply replace your eyes, nose, ears, mouth, and mustache. |
1.2475 |
0.04956 |
101 |
79 |
19 |
3 |
1576 |
These concerns appear to be all in your head. |
1.2475 |
0.05152 |
101 |
80 |
17 |
4 |
1577 |
I see on your chart that you recently had a lower extremities scan, I just don't understand how. |
1.2475 |
0.05700 |
101 |
83 |
11 |
7 |
1578 |
Before we do the surgery we ask that you spend a year living as a sweet potato. |
1.2474 |
0.05490 |
97 |
78 |
14 |
5 |
1579 |
You had a great what...?? |
1.2474 |
0.05290 |
97 |
77 |
16 |
4 |
1580 |
Be careful, French fries could be fatal. |
1.2473 |
0.05650 |
93 |
75 |
13 |
5 |
1581 |
It’s time we confront your problem in the sack. |
1.2473 |
0.05439 |
93 |
74 |
15 |
4 |
1582 |
How do I put this—you’re starchy. |
1.2473 |
0.05439 |
93 |
74 |
15 |
4 |
1583 |
Moving to Idaho will certainly improve your health and popularity. |
1.2473 |
0.05220 |
93 |
73 |
17 |
3 |
1584 |
I have bad news from your rectal exam. |
1.2473 |
0.05220 |
93 |
73 |
17 |
3 |
1585 |
In your case, gender reassignment would be a snap. |
1.2473 |
0.05439 |
93 |
74 |
15 |
4 |
1586 |
Any family history of root vegetables? |
1.2473 |
0.05439 |
93 |
74 |
15 |
4 |
1587 |
According to your A1C test, we need to get you on a low carb diet. |
1.2472 |
0.05367 |
89 |
70 |
16 |
3 |
1588 |
You could definitely stand to lose some weight. As to your phobias about peelers, knives and deep-fat fryers, there's another doctor I want you to see. |
1.2472 |
0.04868 |
89 |
68 |
20 |
1 |
1589 |
And, I'm sorry to say, after these surgeries you'll basically be a side dish. |
1.2472 |
0.06039 |
89 |
73 |
10 |
6 |
1590 |
Yes, ED is a common problem |
1.2472 |
0.05824 |
89 |
72 |
12 |
5 |
1591 |
Fortunately, plastic surgery will not be necessary for the transition. |
1.2472 |
0.05367 |
89 |
70 |
16 |
3 |
1592 |
We have a little blue pill that can put the starch back into, well, that particular attachment. |
1.2472 |
0.05824 |
89 |
72 |
12 |
5 |
1593 |
I'm afraid your insurance doesn't cover missing parts |
1.2471 |
0.05775 |
85 |
68 |
13 |
4 |
1594 |
Not to worry- my five year old son will be here in five minutes to reattach your other ear. |
1.2471 |
0.05268 |
85 |
66 |
17 |
2 |
1595 |
There's too much starch in your diet. |
1.2466 |
0.06101 |
73 |
58 |
12 |
3 |
1596 |
And when you say you feel fried..... |
1.2466 |
0.06101 |
73 |
58 |
12 |
3 |
1597 |
I’ll give you some privacy while you retrieve your glasses |
1.2466 |
0.05441 |
73 |
56 |
16 |
1 |
1598 |
Baked” is still not allowed as a federal employee |
1.2458 |
0.04805 |
118 |
94 |
19 |
5 |
1599 |
We removed a few bacon bits, but otherwise, the colonoscopy went as smooth as mashed potatoes. |
1.2455 |
0.05196 |
110 |
89 |
15 |
6 |
1600 |
Unsettling news, Mr. Potato Head. Your birth certificate says you were born a yam. |
1.2455 |
0.04690 |
110 |
86 |
21 |
3 |
1601 |
Any relation to “Studs Terkel?” |
1.2455 |
0.04690 |
110 |
86 |
21 |
3 |
1602 |
You have to cut back on the starch. |
1.2455 |
0.04865 |
110 |
87 |
19 |
4 |
1603 |
The tests indicate you are a hypochondriac, it's all in your head" |
1.2455 |
0.05033 |
110 |
88 |
17 |
5 |
1604 |
Well, yes, a chemical peel would be an option. |
1.2453 |
0.04607 |
106 |
82 |
22 |
2 |
1605 |
You must cut down on your starch intake! |
1.2453 |
0.05159 |
106 |
85 |
16 |
5 |
1606 |
Cat get your tongue again? |
1.2453 |
0.05159 |
106 |
85 |
16 |
5 |
1607 |
Don't worry. We have many ways to prepare you. |
1.2453 |
0.04982 |
106 |
84 |
18 |
4 |
1608 |
I know you say you're "fried," but it doesn't look that way. |
1.2453 |
0.05330 |
106 |
86 |
14 |
6 |
1609 |
Three eyedrops a day, and you will sprout within a week. |
1.2451 |
0.05107 |
102 |
81 |
17 |
4 |
1610 |
Just french fries is not a good food choice. |
1.2451 |
0.05474 |
102 |
83 |
13 |
6 |
1611 |
Mr. Head, it looks like your insurance will cover the cosmetic surgeon for the nose job but the leg extensions will have to wait since the orthopedic surgeon is out of the pegs until after Christmas. |
1.2451 |
0.05107 |
102 |
81 |
17 |
4 |
1612 |
Your family history isn’t encouraging for longevity. |
1.2451 |
0.04712 |
102 |
79 |
21 |
2 |
1613 |
It’s rare. I’ve seen it before, when I was very young. |
1.2451 |
0.04914 |
102 |
80 |
19 |
3 |
1614 |
Both feet, check. Eyes, check. Ears, check. This is the best shape you've been in ages. |
1.2451 |
0.05474 |
102 |
83 |
13 |
6 |
1615 |
What pronouns do you prefer, Mr. Potatohead? |
1.2451 |
0.05649 |
102 |
84 |
11 |
7 |
1616 |
I believe you've been spending to much time on your couch " |
1.2449 |
0.05629 |
98 |
80 |
12 |
6 |
1617 |
Good news- costing you an arm and a leg isn't anything you're unfamiliar with. |
1.2449 |
0.05037 |
98 |
77 |
18 |
3 |
1618 |
I’m afraid I’ve found a tubor . . . |
1.2449 |
0.05991 |
98 |
82 |
8 |
8 |
1619 |
It might be a good idea to track your starch intake |
1.2449 |
0.05242 |
98 |
78 |
16 |
4 |
1620 |
I have the results of your prostate exam here and...if I may ask a few questions... |
1.2449 |
0.05439 |
98 |
79 |
14 |
5 |
1621 |
Tell me something. How did you get up on the table? |
1.2449 |
0.05629 |
98 |
80 |
12 |
6 |
1622 |
I’m afraid it’s all gone pear shaped |
1.2449 |
0.05813 |
98 |
81 |
10 |
7 |
1623 |
Is it Mr. Potato or Potatoe? |
1.2447 |
0.05796 |
94 |
77 |
11 |
6 |
1624 |
Hmmm...I'm not sure a low carb diet is right for you. |
1.2447 |
0.05596 |
94 |
76 |
13 |
5 |
1625 |
I got bad news ...you've got potatoitus! |
1.2447 |
0.06179 |
94 |
79 |
7 |
8 |
1626 |
I’m sorry Mr. Head, you seem to be in a persistent vegetative state” |
1.2447 |
0.05796 |
94 |
77 |
11 |
6 |
1627 |
Yes, I'm a plastic surgeon, but I can't turn you into a toy. |
1.2444 |
0.05544 |
90 |
72 |
14 |
4 |
1628 |
I'm more of an "Operation" specialist. |
1.2444 |
0.05314 |
90 |
71 |
16 |
3 |
1629 |
I'm sorry. It's terminal. Would you like me to adjust your eyebrows? |
1.2444 |
0.05074 |
90 |
70 |
18 |
2 |
1630 |
From what I can tell, Sir, it appears to be all in your head. |
1.2444 |
0.05074 |
90 |
70 |
18 |
2 |
1631 |
The bad news is, you’re going to die. The good news is, you’re going to be part of an absolutely delightful summer salad. |
1.2442 |
0.05214 |
86 |
67 |
17 |
2 |
1632 |
I think a temperature of 375 degrees is just to high. |
1.2442 |
0.05470 |
86 |
68 |
15 |
3 |
1633 |
The lab report says you have to cut back on starches |
1.2442 |
0.05470 |
86 |
68 |
15 |
3 |
1634 |
I wouldn't overly worry about it — your readings are actually pretty normal for a potato. |
1.2442 |
0.05470 |
86 |
68 |
15 |
3 |
1635 |
I see you are in for gender reassignment surgery. |
1.2439 |
0.06150 |
82 |
67 |
10 |
5 |
1636 |
So when did you first notice the side effects of the medication? |
1.2439 |
0.06150 |
82 |
67 |
10 |
5 |
1637 |
Yes, except for the part about your hat, that could be considered elder abuse. |
1.2439 |
0.05900 |
82 |
66 |
12 |
4 |
1638 |
Actually, the facelift is done by my two year old. |
1.2439 |
0.06150 |
82 |
67 |
10 |
5 |
1639 |
Your CT scan indicates you are slowly turning into plastic. |
1.2437 |
0.04460 |
119 |
93 |
23 |
3 |
1640 |
I wouldn’t worry about the starch, but you might consider a hat with better sun protection… |
1.2437 |
0.04460 |
119 |
93 |
23 |
3 |
1641 |
According to this, you're hyperglycemic... Oops, nope, I'm sorry.
These are Mr. Sweetpotatohead's results. |
1.2436 |
0.05824 |
78 |
62 |
13 |
3 |
1642 |
I suggest you cut back on the carbs. |
1.2435 |
0.05031 |
115 |
93 |
16 |
6 |
1643 |
Lose the mustache. |
1.2435 |
0.04877 |
115 |
92 |
18 |
5 |
1644 |
It says here you've already tried a shoe replacement. |
1.2435 |
0.04718 |
115 |
91 |
20 |
4 |
1645 |
I recommend that you cut back on carbs |
1.2435 |
0.04553 |
115 |
90 |
22 |
3 |
1646 |
I'm going to prescribe sour cream and a light dose of chive. |
1.2432 |
0.06613 |
74 |
61 |
8 |
5 |
1647 |
Lovely family story, but I said do you have any history of, ‘tumors’ |
1.2432 |
0.06027 |
74 |
59 |
12 |
3 |
1648 |
How often do you have this feeling of emptiness and that you're falling apart? |
1.2430 |
0.05116 |
107 |
86 |
16 |
5 |
1649 |
You have got to stop putting your hat and shoes in your butt. |
1.2430 |
0.05285 |
107 |
87 |
14 |
6 |
1650 |
As far as diet, zero carbs is your new routine... |
1.2430 |
0.05449 |
107 |
88 |
12 |
7 |
1651 |
The good news is your prostate isn't enlarged. |
1.2430 |
0.05116 |
107 |
86 |
16 |
5 |
1652 |
We can julienne that little rough patch. Oh, and McDonalds is paying for it. |
1.2427 |
0.05063 |
103 |
82 |
17 |
4 |
1653 |
You need an eye doctor. |
1.2427 |
0.05248 |
103 |
83 |
15 |
5 |
1654 |
You're saying, you think all your family is still in Idaho. |
1.2427 |
0.05599 |
103 |
85 |
11 |
7 |
1655 |
I’ve finally figured out the root of all of your troubles. |
1.2427 |
0.05063 |
103 |
82 |
17 |
4 |
1656 |
Sorry, we can't do any tests when you are baked. |
1.2424 |
0.04992 |
99 |
78 |
18 |
3 |
1657 |
Any feelings of emptiness? |
1.2424 |
0.04782 |
99 |
77 |
20 |
2 |
1658 |
Have you been spending a lot of time on your couch recently? |
1.2424 |
0.05390 |
99 |
80 |
14 |
5 |
1659 |
You'll get frequent fryer miles with this visit. |
1.2424 |
0.05578 |
99 |
81 |
12 |
6 |
1660 |
Good news! The other eyes came back benign. |
1.2424 |
0.05390 |
99 |
80 |
14 |
5 |
1661 |
You need a new arm, but it's going to take at least a year. Supply chain troubles. |
1.2421 |
0.05122 |
95 |
75 |
17 |
3 |
1662 |
Should we pronounce it, “Potayto” or “Potahto?” |
1.2421 |
0.05542 |
95 |
77 |
13 |
5 |
1663 |
I'll have to refer you to a plastic surgeon. |
1.2421 |
0.05337 |
95 |
76 |
15 |
4 |
1664 |
You can no longer be gender specific |
1.2421 |
0.05122 |
95 |
75 |
17 |
3 |
1665 |
Is my head too big or are my legs too short? |
1.2421 |
0.05337 |
95 |
76 |
15 |
4 |
1666 |
Are you following your low-carb diet? |
1.2421 |
0.05337 |
95 |
76 |
15 |
4 |
1667 |
The tests reflect an abnormally high level of starch in your diet. |
1.2421 |
0.05542 |
95 |
77 |
13 |
5 |
1668 |
How do you identify yourself as; boiled, mashed or sautéed? |
1.2421 |
0.06119 |
95 |
80 |
7 |
8 |
1669 |
So how does it feel without all your other eyes? |
1.2419 |
0.04908 |
124 |
101 |
16 |
7 |
1670 |
I'm sorry, but we need to reduce your carbs. |
1.2418 |
0.05918 |
91 |
75 |
10 |
6 |
1671 |
I just keep losing things... |
1.2418 |
0.05490 |
91 |
73 |
14 |
4 |
1672 |
Your tests results have come in, and it seems it’s all in your head. |
1.2418 |
0.05708 |
91 |
74 |
12 |
5 |
1673 |
It's all still in your head? |
1.2418 |
0.05708 |
91 |
74 |
12 |
5 |
1674 |
Luckily your parts were made to pop right off, so I could do the surgery now. |
1.2418 |
0.05918 |
91 |
75 |
10 |
6 |
1675 |
I realize you may have difficulty cutting down on starches. |
1.2417 |
0.04583 |
120 |
95 |
21 |
4 |
1676 |
Your vision needs correction. We’ll just switch your eyes and mouth. |
1.2417 |
0.04879 |
120 |
97 |
17 |
6 |
1677 |
I am afraid it’s french fries. |
1.2417 |
0.04733 |
120 |
96 |
19 |
5 |
1678 |
Sir, we might have an issue. Which toys were you and your wife using? |
1.2414 |
0.05656 |
87 |
70 |
13 |
4 |
1679 |
I might have to refer you to a horticulturist. |
1.2414 |
0.05887 |
87 |
71 |
11 |
5 |
1680 |
I’m confident we can rule out “restless leg syndrome”! |
1.2414 |
0.06325 |
87 |
73 |
7 |
7 |
1681 |
I agree with you, I think we should take a head cold very seriously. |
1.2414 |
0.05656 |
87 |
70 |
13 |
4 |
1682 |
take off your nose and say Ahh |
1.2414 |
0.05414 |
87 |
69 |
15 |
3 |
1683 |
The all-potato diet hasn’t worked out very well for you. Let’s switch you to a more attractive vegetable. |
1.2414 |
0.05161 |
87 |
68 |
17 |
2 |
1684 |
The encephalitis is terrible. But the good news is you have absolutely no belly fat. |
1.2411 |
0.05267 |
112 |
92 |
13 |
7 |
1685 |
You need more salt. Erm, uhh, medically speaking, of course. |
1.2411 |
0.05112 |
112 |
91 |
15 |
6 |
1686 |
Your lab results look good so I've scheduled your vegetable reassignment surgery for next Tuesday. |
1.2410 |
0.05309 |
83 |
65 |
16 |
2 |
1687 |
It seems all your parts are in place. |
1.2410 |
0.06083 |
83 |
68 |
10 |
5 |
1688 |
Transitioning to a woman should be fairly easy for you,Mr. Potato Head. |
1.2410 |
0.05579 |
83 |
66 |
14 |
3 |
1689 |
Sir, Are you currently under the influence of alcohol?
You seem half baked? |
1.2407 |
0.05241 |
108 |
88 |
14 |
6 |
1690 |
You need to cut back on the piercings. |
1.2407 |
0.05073 |
108 |
87 |
16 |
5 |
1691 |
It says here you're the head of a toy company? |
1.2407 |
0.05403 |
108 |
89 |
12 |
7 |
1692 |
I’m prescribing a change of face. |
1.2407 |
0.04900 |
108 |
86 |
18 |
4 |
1693 |
Is this the first time that you’ve considered altering your appearance? |
1.2407 |
0.05073 |
108 |
87 |
16 |
5 |
1694 |
I’ll pluck off this nose. Pop on your new nose. Should you ever decide to go back to the old one, what I’ll do for you is store it in your butt. |
1.2407 |
0.05403 |
108 |
89 |
12 |
7 |
1695 |
Well at the very least I can help with your ears and nose. |
1.2405 |
0.06033 |
79 |
64 |
11 |
4 |
1696 |
Let's take a look. Could you take off your nose, please. |
1.2405 |
0.06033 |
79 |
64 |
11 |
4 |
1697 |
Sometimes, one simply has to accept that one is a potato. |
1.2405 |
0.06033 |
79 |
64 |
11 |
4 |
1698 |
You ned to cut back on the carbohydrates, |
1.2405 |
0.05758 |
79 |
63 |
13 |
3 |
1699 |
Your test results indicate you haven’t accessorized since the 1970’s. |
1.2405 |
0.06033 |
79 |
64 |
11 |
4 |
1700 |
Well, despite unheslthy scarring from previous cosmetic surgeries, things could be worse... |
1.2404 |
0.05202 |
104 |
84 |
15 |
5 |
1701 |
Actually, with modern technology, a nose job is very simple these days. |
1.2404 |
0.05020 |
104 |
83 |
17 |
4 |
1702 |
Mister P, you are my masterpiece! |
1.2404 |
0.05020 |
104 |
83 |
17 |
4 |
1703 |
Definitely a nose job. |
1.2404 |
0.05020 |
104 |
83 |
17 |
4 |
1704 |
I'm sorry to report that Blue Cross won't cover your sprout removal--they say it's cosmetic surgery. |
1.2400 |
0.05644 |
75 |
59 |
14 |
2 |
1705 |
I'm gonna need you to lay off the starch. |
1.2400 |
0.04948 |
100 |
79 |
18 |
3 |
1706 |
Then roast at 400 degrees...oops, wrong page. |
1.2400 |
0.05148 |
100 |
80 |
16 |
4 |
1707 |
Says here you had an allergic reaction and broke out in chives. |
1.2400 |
0.06532 |
75 |
62 |
8 |
5 |
1708 |
How long have you had these headaches ? |
1.2400 |
0.05527 |
100 |
82 |
12 |
6 |
1709 |
Probably just a mild case of blight. |
1.2400 |
0.04740 |
100 |
78 |
20 |
2 |
1710 |
You have more between the ears than I would have predicted. |
1.2400 |
0.04522 |
100 |
77 |
22 |
1 |
1711 |
Are you baked right now? |
1.2400 |
0.05148 |
100 |
80 |
16 |
4 |
1712 |
Well, I think we can eliminate ED. |
1.2400 |
0.04740 |
100 |
78 |
20 |
2 |
1713 |
In your case, plastic surgery is very straightforward and carries no risk. |
1.2400 |
0.05148 |
100 |
80 |
16 |
4 |
1714 |
It's either Early Blight or Colorado Potato Beetle. |
1.2400 |
0.05148 |
100 |
80 |
16 |
4 |
1715 |
We'll notify you when the stent from Hasbro arrives. |
1.2397 |
0.04698 |
121 |
97 |
19 |
5 |
1716 |
You’re going to have to start laying off the carbs. |
1.2397 |
0.04549 |
121 |
96 |
21 |
4 |
1717 |
You are too old to be good baked, but you will still make excellent French fries. |
1.2396 |
0.05490 |
96 |
78 |
13 |
5 |
1718 |
And you’ve been on this diet for how long? |
1.2396 |
0.05075 |
96 |
76 |
17 |
3 |
1719 |
So, what would you like us to do with the eye on your backside? |
1.2396 |
0.05287 |
96 |
77 |
15 |
4 |
1720 |
Your DNA test says you're half sweet potato. |
1.2396 |
0.04623 |
96 |
74 |
21 |
1 |
1721 |
You might want to go easy on the potatoes. |
1.2396 |
0.04854 |
96 |
75 |
19 |
2 |
1722 |
You say potato. I'm not going to argue with you. |
1.2396 |
0.05287 |
96 |
77 |
15 |
4 |
1723 |
My advice for you is, stay away from the fryer, boiling water and most importantly the oven. |
1.2391 |
0.05436 |
92 |
74 |
14 |
4 |
1724 |
I don’t want to concern you, but we found a large, hollow compartment full of body parts. |
1.2391 |
0.05212 |
92 |
73 |
16 |
3 |
1725 |
I know that you aren’t Humpty Dumpty |
1.2391 |
0.05436 |
92 |
74 |
14 |
4 |
1726 |
None invasive vasectomy has come a long way. .Just a quick tug should do it |
1.2391 |
0.05651 |
92 |
75 |
12 |
5 |
1727 |
Simply....it's your ego. |
1.2391 |
0.05212 |
92 |
73 |
16 |
3 |
1728 |
I must inform you that I’ve called the police. We found extra arms and legs inside you that matched DNA from your missing wife |
1.2391 |
0.05436 |
92 |
74 |
14 |
4 |
1729 |
"Aside for missing a heart and lungs you appear to be in excellent health." |
1.2391 |
0.05436 |
92 |
74 |
14 |
4 |
1730 |
I'm disappointed too. |
1.2391 |
0.06059 |
92 |
77 |
8 |
7 |
1731 |
You don't look surprised to hear you have tuberculosis. |
1.2389 |
0.05071 |
113 |
92 |
15 |
6 |
1732 |
It says here you’ve recently had trouble with your nose falling off. |
1.2389 |
0.05071 |
113 |
92 |
15 |
6 |
1733 |
Well, you definitely have enough starch in your diet. |
1.2389 |
0.05071 |
113 |
92 |
15 |
6 |
1734 |
There's another eye under your hat. |
1.2386 |
0.05110 |
88 |
69 |
17 |
2 |
1735 |
Your tests show you’re half baked! |
1.2386 |
0.05110 |
88 |
69 |
17 |
2 |
1736 |
Ok...here are your surgery options - baked, diced & mashed. All three are risky. But delicious! |
1.2386 |
0.05110 |
88 |
69 |
17 |
2 |
1737 |
I have to be honest, Dan. Turning yourself into a potato isn't going to convince people you know how to spell it. |
1.2386 |
0.05110 |
88 |
69 |
17 |
2 |
1738 |
Good news... your leg X-rays came back negative. |
1.2386 |
0.05826 |
88 |
72 |
11 |
5 |
1739 |
As I told Mr. Dumpty, be careful where you sit… |
1.2386 |
0.05359 |
88 |
70 |
15 |
3 |
1740 |
Frankly, you’d feel much better if you pulled your smile out of your ass compartment. |
1.2386 |
0.05826 |
88 |
72 |
11 |
5 |
1741 |
Just a few minor lifestyle changes and we'll turn that frown upside down. |
1.2385 |
0.04859 |
109 |
87 |
18 |
4 |
1742 |
The procedure is straightforward: we replace your eyes with a pair we pull from your ass. |
1.2385 |
0.05514 |
109 |
91 |
10 |
8 |
1743 |
Well, here's the problem. Your temperature is only 98.6 degrees. We're going to have to get you up to 400. |
1.2385 |
0.05197 |
109 |
89 |
14 |
6 |
1744 |
And is Mrs. Potato Head your only sexual partner? |
1.2385 |
0.04859 |
109 |
87 |
18 |
4 |
1745 |
So, how long have the other potatoes been calling you "Groucho?" |
1.2381 |
0.04567 |
126 |
101 |
20 |
5 |
1746 |
Your replacement is delayed due to the supply chain problem. |
1.2381 |
0.05519 |
84 |
67 |
14 |
3 |
1747 |
Regretfully, Mr. Head, the tuber is malignant. |
1.2381 |
0.05332 |
105 |
86 |
13 |
6 |
1748 |
Carbohydrates are not your friend, I'm afraid. |
1.2381 |
0.06017 |
84 |
69 |
10 |
5 |
1749 |
Of course we can do it surgically. But it’s cheaper If you just pull out your mustache, and switch out the hat insert with a sexy blonde wig insert yourself. |
1.2381 |
0.05519 |
84 |
67 |
14 |
3 |
1750 |
It says here that you're worried about your life choices. I'd start with that hat. |
1.2381 |
0.05773 |
84 |
68 |
12 |
4 |
1751 |
You really need to get off the couch more often. |
1.2376 |
0.05293 |
101 |
82 |
14 |
5 |
1752 |
Yes Mr. Potato Head, your arms could use a little work out occasionally. |
1.2376 |
0.05103 |
101 |
81 |
16 |
4 |
1753 |
It hurts since the German car on my toe fell. |
1.2376 |
0.04905 |
101 |
80 |
18 |
3 |
1754 |
I'd probably avoid vacationing in France, if I were you. |
1.2376 |
0.04905 |
101 |
80 |
18 |
3 |
1755 |
The bad news is we have to remove your skin. The good news is we can save your eyes. |
1.2375 |
0.05108 |
80 |
62 |
17 |
1 |
1756 |
I recommend that you and your wife, Julienne, not travel to France. |
1.2375 |
0.05965 |
80 |
65 |
11 |
4 |
1757 |
Your cholesterol levels are a little high, I'd like you to cut back on the butter and sour cream |
1.2373 |
0.04451 |
118 |
93 |
22 |
3 |
1758 |
You’re going to need pre-approval for the second bake. |
1.2371 |
0.05633 |
97 |
80 |
11 |
6 |
1759 |
I recommend a cornea transplant. The procedure is very straightforward. |
1.2371 |
0.05439 |
97 |
79 |
13 |
5 |
1760 |
A genetic test shows “couch potato” is an inherited trait in your family. |
1.2371 |
0.05238 |
97 |
78 |
15 |
4 |
1761 |
Can you describe in more detail the feeling of sharp objects sticking into your brain? |
1.2371 |
0.05820 |
97 |
81 |
9 |
7 |
1762 |
If you wanna get baked, lose the hat and moustache. |
1.2371 |
0.05633 |
97 |
80 |
11 |
6 |
1763 |
A spud like you shouldn't match with hot potatas |
1.2371 |
0.05633 |
97 |
80 |
11 |
6 |
1764 |
I don't really take these symptoms seriously because you are just a potato. |
1.2371 |
0.05633 |
97 |
80 |
11 |
6 |
1765 |
I've reversed your foot, mouth and mustache disease (again) |
1.2371 |
0.05439 |
97 |
79 |
13 |
5 |
1766 |
Well, a torn meniscus is unlikely. |
1.2368 |
0.06453 |
76 |
63 |
8 |
5 |
1767 |
Yes,it looks like we’re dealing with a giant tumor. |
1.2368 |
0.05884 |
76 |
61 |
12 |
3 |
1768 |
What do you prefer, bud or buddy? |
1.2368 |
0.06453 |
76 |
63 |
8 |
5 |
1769 |
I’m strongly recommending psychotherapy for your attachment issues. |
1.2366 |
0.05383 |
93 |
75 |
14 |
4 |
1770 |
Bad news...there's a pocket of Vichyssoise behind the right optical orbit. |
1.2366 |
0.04930 |
93 |
73 |
18 |
2 |
1771 |
I want you to cut down on carbs. |
1.2366 |
0.05162 |
93 |
74 |
16 |
3 |
1772 |
Listen, you really need to cut down on your starches. |
1.2366 |
0.04930 |
93 |
73 |
18 |
2 |
1773 |
i've reviewed your tests and can tell you why you claim to be smashed and or whipped most of the time, it's because the holidays are coming. |
1.2366 |
0.05383 |
93 |
75 |
14 |
4 |
1774 |
No worries looking purple -- worry if you look green |
1.2366 |
0.04687 |
93 |
72 |
20 |
1 |
1775 |
So, you are constantly having a dream about being skinned alive? |
1.2366 |
0.04930 |
93 |
73 |
18 |
2 |
1776 |
It looks like we'll need to peel you, but don't worry, it's a routine procedure. |
1.2366 |
0.05162 |
93 |
74 |
16 |
3 |
1777 |
We were able to get you back together, but your friend humpty is still in surgery. |
1.2366 |
0.05383 |
93 |
75 |
14 |
4 |
1778 |
You should get some exercise, not being a couch potato. |
1.2364 |
0.04990 |
110 |
89 |
16 |
5 |
1779 |
Try cutting down on carbs. |
1.2364 |
0.05154 |
110 |
90 |
14 |
6 |
1780 |
I really don't think calling you a "potato head" was meant as an insult. |
1.2364 |
0.04644 |
110 |
87 |
20 |
3 |
1781 |
I’m afraid tuberculosis is rather common among your kind. |
1.2361 |
0.06094 |
72 |
58 |
11 |
3 |
1782 |
Here’s a prescription for Crazy Glue. Call me if they KEEP falling off |
1.2361 |
0.06407 |
72 |
59 |
9 |
4 |
1783 |
You’ll need a kidney transplant and we’re still looking for your right ear. |
1.2360 |
0.05305 |
89 |
71 |
15 |
3 |
1784 |
You're medically cleared to become potato salad. |
1.2360 |
0.05541 |
89 |
72 |
13 |
4 |
1785 |
Medically,no indications. I am proposing that the problem is,actually,all in your head,and I highly recommend joining a club that actually *would* have you for a member |
1.2360 |
0.05767 |
89 |
73 |
11 |
5 |
1786 |
Ok, so how did you get up on the examing table? |
1.2360 |
0.05305 |
89 |
71 |
15 |
3 |
1787 |
Mister Head, we really need to put you on a starch-free diet. |
1.2360 |
0.05541 |
89 |
72 |
13 |
4 |
1788 |
A more youthful appearance? First, I'd lose the hat. |
1.2360 |
0.05767 |
89 |
73 |
11 |
5 |
1789 |
The procedure entails swapping all your parts onto a sweet potato for a more appealing personality. |
1.2358 |
0.05616 |
106 |
89 |
9 |
8 |
1790 |
I never played with the model that contained your internal organs. |
1.2353 |
0.05198 |
85 |
67 |
16 |
2 |
1791 |
Unfortunately you have the same condition as your late wife. |
1.2353 |
0.05246 |
102 |
83 |
14 |
5 |
1792 |
It's not looking good, you have several holes in your body and a backside that won't close. |
1.2353 |
0.05461 |
85 |
68 |
14 |
3 |
1793 |
Are you still in a relationship with Mr. Peanut? |
1.2353 |
0.05712 |
85 |
69 |
12 |
4 |
1794 |
I don't understand. According to all the test results, you have zero vitals. As in you should be dead and buried in a field. |
1.2353 |
0.04862 |
102 |
81 |
18 |
3 |
1795 |
You really have to cut down on the carbs. |
1.2353 |
0.05058 |
102 |
82 |
16 |
4 |
1796 |
I’m afraid you’re too big for you’re britches. |
1.2353 |
0.05461 |
85 |
68 |
14 |
3 |
1797 |
So you say you’re feeling a little half baked ? |
1.2353 |
0.04862 |
102 |
81 |
18 |
3 |
1798 |
Your hemoglobin is 0.0 but your potassium levels are wonderfully high. |
1.2353 |
0.05712 |
85 |
69 |
12 |
4 |
1799 |
I can appreciate your philosophy, Mr. P., but please wear some clothes for our next visit. |
1.2353 |
0.05461 |
85 |
68 |
14 |
3 |
1800 |
The good news is that it's all in your mind; the bad news is in your case that's a terminal diagnosis. |
1.2353 |
0.05198 |
85 |
67 |
16 |
2 |
1801 |
It appears that there is no way to remove the hat! |
1.2353 |
0.05058 |
102 |
82 |
16 |
4 |
1802 |
Who did you say did your plastic surgery? |
1.2353 |
0.04862 |
102 |
81 |
18 |
3 |
1803 |
You can rearrange your face all you want, but you are going to have to slow down on the starch intake. |
1.2347 |
0.04767 |
98 |
77 |
19 |
2 |
1804 |
Mr Dumpty, your BMI is concerning for someone your age. |
1.2347 |
0.04983 |
98 |
78 |
17 |
3 |
1805 |
More exercise. You're going to have to get off the you-know-what. |
1.2347 |
0.04541 |
98 |
76 |
21 |
1 |
1806 |
If you want to stay in one piece, stay out of the heat, and stop mixing with onions. |
1.2347 |
0.04983 |
98 |
78 |
17 |
3 |
1807 |
Ok, let me get this straight. You're on an-all carb diet and it's working? |
1.2347 |
0.05389 |
98 |
80 |
13 |
5 |
1808 |
I would try a generous amount of softened butter, but if that doesn't work, switch to organic sour cream and fresh chives |
1.2347 |
0.05766 |
98 |
82 |
9 |
7 |
1809 |
Well, your Colon's shot and I think we both know why... |
1.2347 |
0.04983 |
98 |
78 |
17 |
3 |
1810 |
The extra arm was successfully removed and placed back in your trunk. |
1.2347 |
0.04983 |
98 |
78 |
17 |
3 |
1811 |
The results show a 99% probability that the little spud is yours. |
1.2347 |
0.04983 |
98 |
78 |
17 |
3 |
1812 |
So, you're feeling like you've lost parts of yourself... specifically, the "fun" nose and the baseball cap you prefer. But you're okay with the mustache. Do I have that right? |
1.2347 |
0.05389 |
98 |
80 |
13 |
5 |
1813 |
It wouldn’t hurt to peel off a few pounds. |
1.2346 |
0.05349 |
81 |
64 |
15 |
2 |
1814 |
Good, so your signature authorizes us to access the prostate orally, and the colonoscopy will be done through your ear. All set? |
1.2346 |
0.05898 |
81 |
66 |
11 |
4 |
1815 |
"... and above all, stay off the couch!" |
1.2340 |
0.05113 |
94 |
75 |
16 |
3 |
1816 |
Mr. Potato Head. How do you expect me to inspect your heart? |
1.2340 |
0.05941 |
94 |
79 |
8 |
7 |
1817 |
In your case the surgery will be a snap. |
1.2340 |
0.05113 |
94 |
75 |
16 |
3 |
1818 |
Do you know Stephen Colbert? |
1.2340 |
0.05113 |
94 |
75 |
16 |
3 |
1819 |
Yes, I’m telling you, it’s all in your head. |
1.2340 |
0.05332 |
94 |
76 |
14 |
4 |
1820 |
Kind of a formality, but are you sexually active? |
1.2338 |
0.05816 |
77 |
62 |
12 |
3 |
1821 |
So when did you last see your torso? |
1.2338 |
0.05816 |
77 |
62 |
12 |
3 |
1822 |
I can prescribe it, but I don’t think Viagra will do much for you. |
1.2338 |
0.05816 |
77 |
62 |
12 |
3 |
1823 |
Doc, my eyes hurt. |
1.2338 |
0.05195 |
77 |
60 |
16 |
1 |
1824 |
It could be the extra foot in your rear. |
1.2333 |
0.05708 |
90 |
74 |
11 |
5 |
1825 |
As your proctologist, I must say that area is not meant for storage. |
1.2333 |
0.05009 |
90 |
71 |
17 |
2 |
1826 |
Yes, the MRI takes slices, but they're just virtual! |
1.2333 |
0.05009 |
90 |
71 |
17 |
2 |
1827 |
We performed a full cat scan and we believe we found the problem. You've got eyes growing down there! |
1.2333 |
0.05253 |
90 |
72 |
15 |
3 |
1828 |
If you could just take your nose and hat off, I can do a full exam. |
1.2333 |
0.05009 |
90 |
71 |
17 |
2 |
1829 |
I’m afraid your insurance doesn’t cover conditions related to potato blight. |
1.2333 |
0.04483 |
90 |
69 |
21 |
0 |
1830 |
You're in perfect health---no sign of life whatever! |
1.2333 |
0.05708 |
90 |
74 |
11 |
5 |
1831 |
Well sir, it looks like your torsoectomy went well. |
1.2330 |
0.05380 |
103 |
85 |
12 |
6 |
1832 |
You've really got to get off that couch. |
1.2330 |
0.04820 |
103 |
82 |
18 |
3 |
1833 |
And Mrs Head? How is she feeling these days? |
1.2330 |
0.04618 |
103 |
81 |
20 |
2 |
1834 |
Your DNA results are in, Mr. Potatohead. You are indeed 100% Idaho Russet. |
1.2330 |
0.05014 |
103 |
83 |
16 |
4 |
1835 |
While your immune system is responding well to SpudThrax, you do seem to be experiencing some classic side effects. |
1.2330 |
0.05380 |
103 |
85 |
12 |
6 |
1836 |
I‘m referring you to the leading expert on this matter—my three-year-old daughter. |
1.2330 |
0.04820 |
103 |
82 |
18 |
3 |
1837 |
I’m afraid you have eyes on the back of your head. |
1.2330 |
0.04618 |
103 |
81 |
20 |
2 |
1838 |
Normally, headaches aren't serious, but in your case... |
1.2329 |
0.06327 |
73 |
60 |
9 |
4 |
1839 |
Should be a simple procedure - just open the flap in the back and go right in |
1.2326 |
0.05889 |
86 |
71 |
10 |
5 |
1840 |
You’re looking good, but your nose will have to be replaced. |
1.2326 |
0.05145 |
86 |
68 |
16 |
2 |
1841 |
Dude, you look baked. |
1.2326 |
0.05404 |
86 |
69 |
14 |
3 |
1842 |
Mr Potato, I am happy to report good results on your hearing test now that your ears on no longer sticking out of your torso. |
1.2326 |
0.05652 |
86 |
70 |
12 |
4 |
1843 |
On the bright side, you're not missing any body parts. |
1.2326 |
0.05652 |
86 |
70 |
12 |
4 |
1844 |
I understand you're here for a hair plug? |
1.2326 |
0.05145 |
86 |
68 |
16 |
2 |
1845 |
Dab these allergies! I said you have a tuber. |
1.2326 |
0.05652 |
86 |
70 |
12 |
4 |
1846 |
I think we'll skip the reflex hammer today. |
1.2326 |
0.05889 |
86 |
71 |
10 |
5 |
1847 |
The good news is that your ankle bone is connected to your hip bone, but your humerus is connected to your ear bone! |
1.2323 |
0.05339 |
99 |
81 |
13 |
5 |
1848 |
The good news is that your lifetime risk for prostate cancer is virtually zero. |
1.2323 |
0.04938 |
99 |
79 |
17 |
3 |
1849 |
Based on the news I'm about to give you, you may want to put on your sad face. |
1.2323 |
0.04938 |
99 |
79 |
17 |
3 |
1850 |
I must advise you, Mr. Potatohead, that the process to transition to a yam requires years of counseling and gallons of spray tan. |
1.2323 |
0.05339 |
99 |
81 |
13 |
5 |
1851 |
So when are you and the Mrs. expecting your little tater-tot? |
1.2323 |
0.05712 |
99 |
83 |
9 |
7 |
1852 |
Is there some reason you don't like French fries? |
1.2323 |
0.05142 |
99 |
80 |
15 |
4 |
1853 |
Trust me—all my patients get baked and doused in sour cream. |
1.2323 |
0.04938 |
99 |
79 |
17 |
3 |
1854 |
Please remove your hat before I begin the examination. |
1.2323 |
0.05339 |
99 |
81 |
13 |
5 |
1855 |
I can remove the five eyes from your back but I can't do anything about the missing legs unfortunately. |
1.2323 |
0.04938 |
99 |
79 |
17 |
3 |
1856 |
The only way to make your mustache grow up like a smile, is to detach it from you and turn it upside down. You need to have the kid who is your owner, be happy and do that for you. |
1.2321 |
0.04570 |
112 |
89 |
20 |
3 |
1857 |
Be sure to avoid fried foods and friers. |
1.2321 |
0.04909 |
112 |
91 |
16 |
5 |
1858 |
Most others are missing at least one appendage at your age. |
1.2321 |
0.04743 |
112 |
90 |
18 |
4 |
1859 |
You’d be healthier if you stayed away from sour cream and butter. |
1.2321 |
0.04909 |
112 |
91 |
16 |
5 |
1860 |
...and now, Mr. Dumpty, may I get your first name? |
1.2321 |
0.04743 |
112 |
90 |
18 |
4 |
1861 |
So let me get this right, your ear fell off and got lost somewhere in your shag carpeting? |
1.2317 |
0.05569 |
82 |
66 |
13 |
3 |
1862 |
You have an hour to live at 450°. |
1.2317 |
0.06086 |
82 |
68 |
9 |
5 |
1863 |
the good news is everything is attached...the bad, you have too many choices |
1.2317 |
0.04999 |
82 |
64 |
17 |
1 |
1864 |
You're just missing some vitamin D |
1.2317 |
0.05569 |
82 |
66 |
13 |
3 |
1865 |
You know the expression, 'Eyes in the back of your head'? Congratulations. |
1.2317 |
0.05569 |
82 |
66 |
13 |
3 |
1866 |
Your nose has to go, but luckily it's a snap to replace. |
1.2317 |
0.04999 |
82 |
64 |
17 |
1 |
1867 |
Unfortunately, there's nothing I can prescribe that will completely fill the void you feel inside. |
1.2317 |
0.05833 |
82 |
67 |
11 |
4 |
1868 |
It is my expert medical opinion that,yes, you will need legs to run from the mafia. |
1.2316 |
0.05281 |
95 |
77 |
14 |
4 |
1869 |
So I understand you're having trouble with your eyes. |
1.2316 |
0.04838 |
95 |
75 |
18 |
2 |
1870 |
Well, what did you think was going to happen when you replaced it with a mustache? |
1.2316 |
0.04838 |
95 |
75 |
18 |
2 |
1871 |
You actually don’t need a plastic surgeon, you can change your nose yourself |
1.2316 |
0.05065 |
95 |
76 |
16 |
3 |
1872 |
I recommend a little less time on your couch. |
1.2316 |
0.05489 |
95 |
78 |
12 |
5 |
1873 |
Your genes put you at a high risk of dismemberment by children, which is unfortunately as bad as it sounds. |
1.2316 |
0.05065 |
95 |
76 |
16 |
3 |
1874 |
I went to Harvard. I don't belong in a cartoon with a potato. |
1.2315 |
0.05361 |
108 |
90 |
11 |
7 |
1875 |
'Tell me, did the pain start before or after your election to Congress?' |
1.2315 |
0.05361 |
108 |
90 |
11 |
7 |
1876 |
« Extreme veganism has clearly gone to your head. » |
1.2308 |
0.05451 |
78 |
62 |
14 |
2 |
1877 |
I'd like you to give up gluten. |
1.2308 |
0.05155 |
104 |
85 |
14 |
5 |
1878 |
Have you ever been baked, mashed, or fried? |
1.2308 |
0.05748 |
78 |
63 |
12 |
3 |
1879 |
Stay out of the hot Arizona sun. You bake to easily. |
1.2308 |
0.05333 |
104 |
86 |
12 |
6 |
1880 |
So you're telling me your arm literally comes out of its socket? |
1.2308 |
0.05201 |
91 |
73 |
15 |
3 |
1881 |
Unfortunately, the part you’re missing isn’t being made any longer, and no one wants to donate theirs, |
1.2308 |
0.05748 |
78 |
63 |
12 |
3 |
1882 |
Name? |
1.2308 |
0.05748 |
78 |
63 |
12 |
3 |
1883 |
Best thing you ever did was stop smoking |
1.2308 |
0.06031 |
78 |
64 |
10 |
4 |
1884 |
So, when was the last time you blinked? |
1.2308 |
0.04961 |
91 |
72 |
17 |
2 |
1885 |
Mr. Russet, I’m prescribing Ozempic and you should be a thin fingerling in three months time.
Alice Hoffman, NY, NY
Aliceweisshoffman445@gmail.com |
1.2308 |
0.06031 |
78 |
64 |
10 |
4 |
1886 |
I’m afraid we’re going to have to cut out all your carbs. |
1.2308 |
0.05431 |
91 |
74 |
13 |
4 |
1887 |
Let’s look at a low carb recipe for you |
1.2308 |
0.04272 |
117 |
92 |
23 |
2 |
1888 |
Well I can prescribe some ointment for that nose-falling-off problem, but that’s about it |
1.2308 |
0.05155 |
104 |
85 |
14 |
5 |
1889 |
Well... Keto isn't for everyone. |
1.2308 |
0.05651 |
91 |
75 |
11 |
5 |
1890 |
The AI report says that you should not sit on a wall. |
1.2308 |
0.04579 |
104 |
82 |
20 |
2 |
1891 |
Maybe you feel that way because you're keeping all your emotions locked up inside you. |
1.2308 |
0.05748 |
78 |
63 |
12 |
3 |
1892 |
You are afflicted with too many moving parts, so I'm referring you to a specialist. |
1.2308 |
0.04708 |
91 |
71 |
19 |
1 |
1893 |
We were able to remove the crayon today, sir. |
1.2308 |
0.05863 |
91 |
76 |
9 |
6 |
1894 |
You're going to need to see a specialist. |
1.2308 |
0.05431 |
91 |
74 |
13 |
4 |
1895 |
Little too much starch in your diet I'm afraid.. |
1.2301 |
0.04356 |
113 |
89 |
22 |
2 |
1896 |
You look different... have you had a makeover since I last saw you? |
1.2301 |
0.04534 |
113 |
90 |
20 |
3 |
1897 |
I'm sorry that I can't help you. But please tell your family to stay in a cool dry place away from children. |
1.2300 |
0.05478 |
100 |
83 |
11 |
6 |
1898 |
I recommend dermabrasion. |
1.2300 |
0.04894 |
100 |
80 |
17 |
3 |
1899 |
Try to cut back on putting body parts in your butt. |
1.2300 |
0.05291 |
100 |
82 |
13 |
5 |
1900 |
It may take some time to get used to, but everything is in its right place. |
1.2300 |
0.05096 |
100 |
81 |
15 |
4 |
1901 |
You gotta cut down on the carbs |
1.2300 |
0.04894 |
100 |
80 |
17 |
3 |
1902 |
It's confirmed. You have tuberculosis. |
1.2300 |
0.05096 |
100 |
81 |
15 |
4 |
1903 |
I'm sorry, I can't find a source for your knee pain. |
1.2300 |
0.05660 |
100 |
84 |
9 |
7 |
1904 |
I don't know what you've been reading in toy catalogs, but removing a nose is actually quite the invasive procedure." |
1.2299 |
0.05827 |
87 |
72 |
10 |
5 |
1905 |
I'm afraid it's finally time for the knee-replacement surgery."
Mike O'Malley, Trumbull, Conn |
1.2299 |
0.05593 |
87 |
71 |
12 |
4 |
1906 |
You have too much junk in your trunk sir ! |
1.2299 |
0.05348 |
87 |
70 |
14 |
3 |
1907 |
I suggest consulting with mensa. They won't be concerned about your bottom half. |
1.2299 |
0.05593 |
87 |
71 |
12 |
4 |
1908 |
How would you like to be called Mr. Potatohead? |
1.2299 |
0.05092 |
87 |
69 |
16 |
2 |
1909 |
Well, the good news is, it should be relatively easy to replace. |
1.2299 |
0.05092 |
87 |
69 |
16 |
2 |
1910 |
Here are the results, Mr. ... what was your name again? |
1.2297 |
0.05625 |
74 |
59 |
13 |
2 |
1911 |
Now bend over and let's see if we can find those glasses. |
1.2297 |
0.06249 |
74 |
61 |
9 |
4 |
1912 |
They/them…? Absolutely! |
1.2294 |
0.05154 |
109 |
90 |
13 |
6 |
1913 |
So, you would like to transition to a french fry. |
1.2294 |
0.04813 |
109 |
88 |
17 |
4 |
1914 |
I'm sorry Mr. Potato Head, you have tuber-culosis. |
1.2292 |
0.04794 |
96 |
76 |
18 |
2 |
1915 |
I buried your biopsy; congratulations, you'll soon become a father. |
1.2292 |
0.05635 |
96 |
80 |
10 |
6 |
1916 |
You have a mild case of the hasselbacks. A pound of butter and an olive oil bath should ease your discomfort. |
1.2292 |
0.05231 |
96 |
78 |
14 |
4 |
1917 |
You need to spend more time walking and to stay off the couch as much as possible. |
1.2292 |
0.05231 |
96 |
78 |
14 |
4 |
1918 |
good news, you're still spuddering along just fine but don't go off half baked |
1.2292 |
0.05231 |
96 |
78 |
14 |
4 |
1919 |
You need to cut way back on your starches." |
1.2292 |
0.05231 |
96 |
78 |
14 |
4 |
1920 |
I am a plastic surgeon and you are made of plastic…but, I can’t make you look like Ken. |
1.2289 |
0.05508 |
83 |
67 |
13 |
3 |
1921 |
It doesn't look good, Mr. Head. You have Blight. |
1.2289 |
0.05235 |
83 |
66 |
15 |
2 |
1922 |
You need to get off the couch. |
1.2289 |
0.05508 |
83 |
67 |
13 |
3 |
1923 |
I’m going to recommend a specialist. McDonald’s the best friar in town. |
1.2289 |
0.06018 |
83 |
69 |
9 |
5 |
1924 |
You say you were born in Idaho? |
1.2289 |
0.05769 |
83 |
68 |
11 |
4 |
1925 |
I'm referring you to a headshrinker |
1.2289 |
0.05508 |
83 |
67 |
13 |
3 |
1926 |
I’m afraid I have some bad news. We seem to have attached your ‘angry eyes’ to your butt. |
1.2289 |
0.05508 |
83 |
67 |
13 |
3 |
1927 |
Look, the best your insurance can cover is going to be "angry eyes". |
1.2289 |
0.04946 |
83 |
65 |
17 |
1 |
1928 |
Well Mr. Potatohead, your problem is that you only have two eyes. |
1.2289 |
0.05508 |
83 |
67 |
13 |
3 |
1929 |
Mr Potato Head …the test revealed some bad news
In order to beat this thing you will need to be Skinned, Whipped, Scalloped, and Mashed |
1.2289 |
0.06018 |
83 |
69 |
9 |
5 |
1930 |
*Of course, before I agree to do the procedure, I will need a signed release from little Cindy." |
1.2289 |
0.05769 |
83 |
68 |
11 |
4 |
1931 |
Luckily it’s only a potato head-cold. |
1.2289 |
0.06258 |
83 |
70 |
7 |
6 |
1932 |
I’m sorry, sir, but I’m afraid your wife is likely to remain in a vegetable state for the rest of her life. |
1.2288 |
0.04725 |
118 |
96 |
17 |
5 |
1933 |
I see that you found your nose. |
1.2286 |
0.04738 |
105 |
84 |
18 |
3 |
1934 |
I must have the wrong chart. So you're not Mr. Humpty Dumpty? |
1.2286 |
0.04928 |
105 |
85 |
16 |
4 |
1935 |
We've got to get your carb count way down. |
1.2286 |
0.04928 |
105 |
85 |
16 |
4 |
1936 |
The results aren't good. Your insides are completely filled with Legos. |
1.2283 |
0.05595 |
92 |
76 |
11 |
5 |
1937 |
Couch potato! |
1.2283 |
0.05150 |
92 |
74 |
15 |
3 |
1938 |
I'm sorry Mr. Potato Head, but Hasbro has never released the parts that would allow you and your wife to have children. If you're interested in adoption, please consider your local farmer's market. |
1.2283 |
0.05150 |
92 |
74 |
15 |
3 |
1939 |
So, you’re telling me that all your weight-loss plans turn out half baked? |
1.2278 |
0.05683 |
79 |
64 |
12 |
3 |
1940 |
So how long have you and Mrs. Potato Head been trying to make some little potatoes? |
1.2278 |
0.05961 |
79 |
65 |
10 |
4 |
1941 |
It says here you’re gluten-free and vegan. |
1.2278 |
0.05390 |
79 |
63 |
14 |
2 |
1942 |
We'll need to amputate. Again. |
1.2278 |
0.06228 |
79 |
66 |
8 |
5 |
1943 |
The best and worst case prognosis is that you'll be left in a vegetative state. |
1.2278 |
0.05683 |
79 |
64 |
12 |
3 |
1944 |
Trust me. Sour cream, chives and bacon make everything better. |
1.2277 |
0.05243 |
101 |
83 |
13 |
5 |
1945 |
My diagnosis is that you've been skipping leg day at the gym." |
1.2277 |
0.04850 |
101 |
81 |
17 |
3 |
1946 |
So, once again, please tell me why you think your wife was mashed. |
1.2277 |
0.05243 |
101 |
83 |
13 |
5 |
1947 |
I’m afraid we also require a first name. |
1.2273 |
0.05294 |
88 |
71 |
14 |
3 |
1948 |
You've got a case of tuber-culosis |
1.2273 |
0.05041 |
88 |
70 |
16 |
2 |
1949 |
Mr Russett, your DNA results confirm that your father was a dic-tater. |
1.2273 |
0.05041 |
88 |
70 |
16 |
2 |
1950 |
I think you are just over roasted. |
1.2273 |
0.05041 |
88 |
70 |
16 |
2 |
1951 |
Fortunately, it's nothing that a little keto can't fix. |
1.2273 |
0.05535 |
88 |
72 |
12 |
4 |
1952 |
We can’t proceed unless you provide me with a first name. |
1.2273 |
0.06403 |
66 |
54 |
9 |
3 |
1953 |
You left it at home? |
1.2273 |
0.05535 |
88 |
72 |
12 |
4 |
1954 |
So you are sensing that people are avoiding you? |
1.2273 |
0.05535 |
88 |
72 |
12 |
4 |
1955 |
Dad, for the last time, in the office it's Dr. Potato Head. |
1.2273 |
0.05988 |
88 |
74 |
8 |
6 |
1956 |
You have cooties. |
1.2273 |
0.05041 |
88 |
70 |
16 |
2 |
1957 |
First the good news--nothing's broken. |
1.2273 |
0.05041 |
88 |
70 |
16 |
2 |
1958 |
Let me explain why you do not have tuberculosis. |
1.2273 |
0.05294 |
88 |
71 |
14 |
3 |
1959 |
Did you ever try Rogaine? |
1.2268 |
0.04518 |
97 |
76 |
20 |
1 |
1960 |
So,how long have you been a vegetarian? |
1.2268 |
0.05182 |
97 |
79 |
14 |
4 |
1961 |
We have found you not only have no legal standing here, you have no legs to stand on whatsoever. |
1.2268 |
0.04971 |
97 |
78 |
16 |
3 |
1962 |
You seem concerned with a possible breakup! |
1.2268 |
0.04750 |
97 |
77 |
18 |
2 |
1963 |
We just wanted to know how you get on the exam table. |
1.2268 |
0.05182 |
97 |
79 |
14 |
4 |
1964 |
It's time for your eye exam. This could take a while. |
1.2268 |
0.04971 |
97 |
78 |
16 |
3 |
1965 |
If you were a fingerling, I'd be more concerned about those lumps. |
1.2268 |
0.05182 |
97 |
79 |
14 |
4 |
1966 |
I'm going to put you down as "waxy". |
1.2268 |
0.04971 |
97 |
78 |
16 |
3 |
1967 |
And when did you first notice the rest of your body was missing? |
1.2268 |
0.05182 |
97 |
79 |
14 |
4 |
1968 |
We were able to pop out the obstruction so you should be good as new |
1.2267 |
0.05874 |
75 |
61 |
11 |
3 |
1969 |
Unfortunately the tumour isn't detachable. |
1.2267 |
0.06458 |
75 |
63 |
7 |
5 |
1970 |
As long as you keep your hat on, you're protected from getting mashed. |
1.2267 |
0.05558 |
75 |
60 |
13 |
2 |
1971 |
Sorry, Mr. Head, but you have tuberculosis |
1.2267 |
0.05874 |
75 |
61 |
11 |
3 |
1972 |
This will be hard to hear, but the reason you can’t have little tots is … |
1.2264 |
0.05066 |
106 |
87 |
14 |
5 |
1973 |
Physically you're fine, but you're still depressed over Don Rickles being your voice in 'Toy Story.' |
1.2264 |
0.05066 |
106 |
87 |
14 |
5 |
1974 |
Let's try Sour Cream with Chives |
1.2262 |
0.05449 |
84 |
68 |
13 |
3 |
1975 |
"Now, about your diet of butter and sour cream..." |
1.2262 |
0.05706 |
84 |
69 |
11 |
4 |
1976 |
You may now reach for your sad mouth, Sir" |
1.2262 |
0.05179 |
84 |
67 |
15 |
2 |
1977 |
How's the wife and the tots? |
1.2262 |
0.05449 |
84 |
68 |
13 |
3 |
1978 |
Parts is parts |
1.2262 |
0.04895 |
84 |
66 |
17 |
1 |
1979 |
We’re going to switch out the ears, eyes, nose, mouth, mustache and hat, and see if that helps. |
1.2262 |
0.05179 |
84 |
67 |
15 |
2 |
1980 |
Yes. I'm a 'plastic' surgeon,
but you don't need me just to change your nose. |
1.2262 |
0.05952 |
84 |
70 |
9 |
5 |
1981 |
Perhaps we could talk about how you got up there? |
1.2262 |
0.05449 |
84 |
68 |
13 |
3 |
1982 |
So, are you eating your vegetables? |
1.2262 |
0.05179 |
84 |
67 |
15 |
2 |
1983 |
...but the good news is it'll be the easiest transplant I've ever done. |
1.2262 |
0.05952 |
84 |
70 |
9 |
5 |
1984 |
Good news! You have no missing pieces. |
1.2262 |
0.05179 |
84 |
67 |
15 |
2 |
1985 |
I have only a half-baked idea of what your problem is. |
1.2258 |
0.04619 |
93 |
73 |
19 |
1 |
1986 |
'It's called "Blight", but it's not quite as serious as it sounds.' |
1.2258 |
0.05100 |
93 |
75 |
15 |
3 |
1987 |
Let’s take a look inside your back. |
1.2258 |
0.04866 |
93 |
74 |
17 |
2 |
1988 |
It's a good thought, but I honestly don't see the Paleo diet working for you. |
1.2258 |
0.05100 |
93 |
75 |
15 |
3 |
1989 |
If you fall, you may lose an ear or nose, but you will not crack open. |
1.2258 |
0.05100 |
93 |
75 |
15 |
3 |
1990 |
You need to stop getting so smashed! |
1.2258 |
0.04866 |
93 |
74 |
17 |
2 |
1991 |
I think that your best bet is to go on the Keto Diet. |
1.2255 |
0.05196 |
102 |
84 |
13 |
5 |
1992 |
Fortunately, transitioning in a case like yours is relatively easy. |
1.2255 |
0.04602 |
102 |
81 |
19 |
2 |
1993 |
I see here you've listed your occupation as a YouTuber. . . |
1.2254 |
0.06406 |
71 |
59 |
8 |
4 |
1994 |
No, nothing to worry about, two eyes is perfectly normal for someone your age. |
1.2252 |
0.05069 |
111 |
92 |
13 |
6 |
1995 |
I’m afraid that empty void you feel inside of you is a feature. |
1.2250 |
0.05329 |
80 |
64 |
14 |
2 |
1996 |
Other than that, you just needs some Leggos. |
1.2250 |
0.05618 |
80 |
65 |
12 |
3 |
1997 |
And how often did you say you’re receiving facial reconstruction surgery?” |
1.2250 |
0.05893 |
80 |
66 |
10 |
4 |
1998 |
We found eyes in the back of your head. |
1.2250 |
0.05618 |
80 |
65 |
12 |
3 |
1999 |
You say your feeling half-baked? |
1.2250 |
0.05618 |
80 |
65 |
12 |
3 |
2000 |
You've got to cut out the starch. |
1.2250 |
0.05329 |
80 |
64 |
14 |
2 |
2001 |
We're going to start you on a low-carb diet. |
1.2247 |
0.05240 |
89 |
72 |
14 |
3 |
2002 |
Feeling butter? |
1.2247 |
0.05240 |
89 |
72 |
14 |
3 |
2003 |
I'm wondering if an adverse spud event could be the root of your problem. |
1.2247 |
0.05707 |
89 |
74 |
10 |
5 |
2004 |
Just because you identify as a potato doesn't mean you're not a man. |
1.2247 |
0.04990 |
89 |
71 |
16 |
2 |
2005 |
And yet the hat suggests excellent balance. |
1.2245 |
0.05135 |
98 |
80 |
14 |
4 |
2006 |
Stay away from the sour cream and butter, and we'll see you after the holidays. |
1.2245 |
0.05529 |
98 |
82 |
10 |
6 |
2007 |
'There's no clinical study that suggests the medication I prescribed may cause leg shortening." |
1.2245 |
0.04707 |
98 |
78 |
18 |
2 |
2008 |
Cut down on the starches. |
1.2245 |
0.05135 |
98 |
80 |
14 |
4 |
2009 |
If you're planning to tan this summer, you can never have too much oil. |
1.2239 |
0.06316 |
67 |
55 |
9 |
3 |
2010 |
I'm going to need you to hop down,turn around,and pop open your spare parts hatch. |
1.2237 |
0.05493 |
76 |
61 |
13 |
2 |
2011 |
And you need to cut back on starches. Maybe get out more and meet some fruits and vegetables. |
1.2237 |
0.05164 |
76 |
60 |
15 |
1 |
2012 |
I see that the no carb diet isn't going well then. |
1.2237 |
0.05803 |
76 |
62 |
11 |
3 |
2013 |
You have to face reality…… You are not a celery stick. |
1.2237 |
0.05803 |
76 |
62 |
11 |
3 |
2014 |
Im afraid you’ll have to cut out the carbs. |
1.2237 |
0.05493 |
76 |
61 |
13 |
2 |
2015 |
Mr. P, I'm afraid your chest pains are completely mystifying to me. |
1.2237 |
0.05164 |
76 |
60 |
15 |
1 |
2016 |
No, the procedure is not dangerous. I will literally just turn your frown upside-down. |
1.2235 |
0.05391 |
85 |
69 |
13 |
3 |
2017 |
I don't know how to say this gently,but I don't think you're going to live through Thanksgiving. |
1.2235 |
0.05645 |
85 |
70 |
11 |
4 |
2018 |
Good news—tests show that you’re a benign tuber. |
1.2235 |
0.05391 |
85 |
69 |
13 |
3 |
2019 |
You are what you eat. But your cholesterol seems way too high for a starch-only diet. |
1.2235 |
0.05391 |
85 |
69 |
13 |
3 |
2020 |
Your insurance will cover all your plastic surgery except for the hat. |
1.2235 |
0.05391 |
85 |
69 |
13 |
3 |
2021 |
Doc, Don't know why; but I have to use toilet as soon as I eat anything. |
1.2235 |
0.05125 |
85 |
68 |
15 |
2 |
2022 |
Do you normally keep adult toys up there, or was it a special occasion? |
1.2235 |
0.05125 |
85 |
68 |
15 |
2 |
2023 |
We’ve contacted your insurance provider and they suggested butter, sour cream and bacon bits |
1.2235 |
0.04844 |
85 |
67 |
17 |
1 |
2024 |
Here's a twist....why don't you pay your past due bill and put a smile on MY face? |
1.2235 |
0.05391 |
85 |
69 |
13 |
3 |
2025 |
You say you have a headache, but everything hurts everywhere except your arms, hands and feet? |
1.2234 |
0.04576 |
94 |
74 |
19 |
1 |
2026 |
One option is to cut out carbs. |
1.2234 |
0.04576 |
94 |
74 |
19 |
1 |
2027 |
How long have you had this inordinate fear of paring knives Mr.... uh.... Head. |
1.2234 |
0.04820 |
94 |
75 |
17 |
2 |
2028 |
And don’t let Little Freddie stick your nose up there again. |
1.2234 |
0.05052 |
94 |
76 |
15 |
3 |
2029 |
Doctor Barbie is off today. |
1.2233 |
0.04766 |
103 |
83 |
17 |
3 |
2030 |
I can certainly reshape your nose, and the ears present no problem. However, I can't do anything about the hat. |
1.2233 |
0.05150 |
103 |
85 |
13 |
5 |
2031 |
Your cholesterol is high. You need to cut out the butter and sour cream. |
1.2233 |
0.04766 |
103 |
83 |
17 |
3 |
2032 |
As we feared, it's a tuber. |
1.2222 |
0.05087 |
99 |
81 |
14 |
4 |
2033 |
Someone’s been a bad carb |
1.2222 |
0.05270 |
81 |
65 |
14 |
2 |
2034 |
I'm afraid these test results aren't going to put a smile on your face. |
1.2222 |
0.05270 |
81 |
65 |
14 |
2 |
2035 |
I'm looking at your insurance and with your deductible, this is going to cost you an arm and a leg |
1.2222 |
0.05672 |
72 |
58 |
12 |
2 |
2036 |
Names can hurt. |
1.2222 |
0.04881 |
99 |
80 |
16 |
3 |
2037 |
The tests came back, and you're full of carbs. |
1.2222 |
0.06086 |
81 |
68 |
8 |
5 |
2038 |
Good news, the DNA results indicates that you're a potato. not a pear. Shapes can be misleading. |
1.2222 |
0.05423 |
90 |
74 |
12 |
4 |
2039 |
Thank you for being a donor. Blood type potat-O is very rare to find. |
1.2222 |
0.05188 |
90 |
73 |
14 |
3 |
2040 |
For better proportions, we can lengthen your legs or shorten your arms. |
1.2222 |
0.05556 |
81 |
66 |
12 |
3 |
2041 |
I think we should consider cutting back on complex carbs |
1.2222 |
0.04665 |
99 |
79 |
18 |
2 |
2042 |
You’re a long way from the Yukon—and I’m afraid out of network. |
1.2222 |
0.06007 |
72 |
59 |
10 |
3 |
2043 |
It says here you’ve been losing parts… |
1.2222 |
0.04881 |
99 |
80 |
16 |
3 |
2044 |
...and these nightmares, they are about Picasso? |
1.2222 |
0.05556 |
81 |
66 |
12 |
3 |
2045 |
You have to stop eating spuds! |
1.2222 |
0.05188 |
90 |
73 |
14 |
3 |
2046 |
I'll do it for free if you'll play with my kid. |
1.2222 |
0.05188 |
90 |
73 |
14 |
3 |
2047 |
Yes I do appreciate the irony of telling you to cut down on carbs. |
1.2222 |
0.04682 |
90 |
71 |
18 |
1 |
2048 |
Now which eye seems to be the problem? |
1.2222 |
0.05423 |
90 |
74 |
12 |
4 |
2049 |
You say it feels like your nose is about to pop off your face? |
1.2222 |
0.04969 |
81 |
64 |
16 |
1 |
2050 |
Did it hurt when Dan Quayle did not spell your name correctly? |
1.2222 |
0.05188 |
90 |
73 |
14 |
3 |
2051 |
Unfortunately, the one thing we can’t change about you is the problem. |
1.2222 |
0.04665 |
99 |
79 |
18 |
2 |
2052 |
I don't think the keto diet is working.... |
1.2222 |
0.05286 |
99 |
82 |
12 |
5 |
2053 |
Any recent changes I should know about? |
1.2222 |
0.04804 |
108 |
88 |
16 |
4 |
2054 |
Have you tried putting sour cream on it? |
1.2212 |
0.05284 |
104 |
87 |
11 |
6 |
2055 |
Best if you remove your ears. |
1.2212 |
0.05105 |
104 |
86 |
13 |
5 |
2056 |
Your wellness checkup looks great. Enjoy your move to Idaho! |
1.2212 |
0.04918 |
104 |
85 |
15 |
4 |
2057 |
I'm sorry, Mr. Head, you'll have to see a plastic surgeon for that. |
1.2211 |
0.05223 |
95 |
78 |
13 |
4 |
2058 |
I‘m glad to hear you‘re getting in better shape, but take it slow. Remember, you‘ve pretty much been a couch potato your whole life. |
1.2211 |
0.05223 |
95 |
78 |
13 |
4 |
2059 |
Mister Head, how long have you been missing your right ear |
1.2211 |
0.05223 |
95 |
78 |
13 |
4 |
2060 |
I'm afraid your insurance doesn't cover transplants |
1.2211 |
0.05004 |
95 |
77 |
15 |
3 |
2061 |
...a lot of these, "half-baked," ailments are all in your head. |
1.2211 |
0.05223 |
95 |
78 |
13 |
4 |
2062 |
Child’s play! We can do it now if you brought the lady parts. |
1.2211 |
0.05004 |
95 |
77 |
15 |
3 |
2063 |
You really need to stop sticking your spare parts there. |
1.2209 |
0.05072 |
86 |
69 |
15 |
2 |
2064 |
I think you're beyond knee replacements. |
1.2209 |
0.05335 |
86 |
70 |
13 |
3 |
2065 |
It’s okay to hold some things inside but in this case, to save face, I think you should just let it all out. |
1.2209 |
0.05072 |
86 |
69 |
15 |
2 |
2066 |
The procedure will be risky and fun. |
1.2209 |
0.05335 |
86 |
70 |
13 |
3 |
2067 |
So, a sixty year old found you in her attic? |
1.2209 |
0.05585 |
86 |
71 |
11 |
4 |
2068 |
Look, I know “gym potato” isn’t really a thing, but you’ve got to get yourself off the couch. |
1.2209 |
0.05335 |
86 |
70 |
13 |
3 |
2069 |
So when did you first notice this overwhelming craving for gravy? |
1.2209 |
0.05825 |
86 |
72 |
9 |
5 |
2070 |
Why are you tired of being ahead? |
1.2209 |
0.05825 |
86 |
72 |
9 |
5 |
2071 |
Your couch-potato lifestyle needs to change. |
1.2209 |
0.05335 |
86 |
70 |
13 |
3 |
2072 |
My friends enjoy roasting me as well, but that's something you ought to discuss with your psychiatrist, Mr. Head. |
1.2209 |
0.05335 |
86 |
70 |
13 |
3 |
2073 |
I’m afraid you’ve grown a rather large tuber. |
1.2209 |
0.05335 |
86 |
70 |
13 |
3 |
2074 |
We first,you have to peel of about 20 pounds. |
1.2209 |
0.05072 |
86 |
69 |
15 |
2 |
2075 |
Fortunately for you, gender reassignment surgery is pretty simple. |
1.2209 |
0.05072 |
86 |
69 |
15 |
2 |
2076 |
So. You’ve had a chip on your shoulder ever since your wife ask you to remove the mustache. |
1.2209 |
0.05825 |
86 |
72 |
9 |
5 |
2077 |
I'm a proctologist, but if you'll turn around I'm pretty sure I could help you with a nose job and a new glasses prescription. |
1.2208 |
0.05429 |
77 |
62 |
13 |
2 |
2078 |
Type 2 diabetes. |
1.2208 |
0.05735 |
77 |
63 |
11 |
3 |
2079 |
You say sometimes you feel like you're going to pieces? |
1.2208 |
0.05735 |
77 |
63 |
11 |
3 |
2080 |
Take off your hat, eyebrows, eyes, ears, nose, mustache, arms, and legs and weigh yourself again. |
1.2208 |
0.05735 |
77 |
63 |
11 |
3 |
2081 |
What do you mean you didn't put that part on |
1.2208 |
0.05429 |
77 |
62 |
13 |
2 |
2082 |
It says here you're interested in getting plastic surgery? |
1.2208 |
0.05104 |
77 |
61 |
15 |
1 |
2083 |
You’re a funny guy, Mr. Head, but the staff feels you could be funnier. |
1.2206 |
0.05482 |
68 |
54 |
13 |
1 |
2084 |
It's just as we feared. Those growths you were concerned about? Eyes. |
1.2206 |
0.06231 |
68 |
56 |
9 |
3 |
2085 |
We need to have a conversation about starch. |
1.2203 |
0.04525 |
118 |
96 |
18 |
4 |
2086 |
Things aren't looking too good spud. You should take it easy on the starches. |
1.2202 |
0.04195 |
109 |
86 |
22 |
1 |
2087 |
I recommend less starch. |
1.2202 |
0.04764 |
109 |
89 |
16 |
4 |
2088 |
Well, the good news is you have an extra face inside your butt. |
1.2202 |
0.04764 |
109 |
89 |
16 |
4 |
2089 |
We'll pull your arms and legs off and examine them in a separate room |
1.2202 |
0.04582 |
109 |
88 |
18 |
3 |
2090 |
If you don't spend less time in the sun, you'll fry. |
1.2200 |
0.05238 |
100 |
83 |
12 |
5 |
2091 |
You're going to have to start limiting your sodium, but feel free to continue use of the pepper. |
1.2200 |
0.04399 |
100 |
79 |
20 |
1 |
2092 |
That's just the way you're put together. |
1.2198 |
0.04893 |
91 |
73 |
16 |
2 |
2093 |
I'm not sure I can help you, but I can refer you to a knee and ankle specialist if you like. |
1.2198 |
0.04893 |
91 |
73 |
16 |
2 |
2094 |
You have tuberculosis. Unfortunately your insurance doesn't cover the treatment. It's a preexisting condition. |
1.2198 |
0.05369 |
91 |
75 |
12 |
4 |
2095 |
Yes, we'd be happy to furnish you with a prosthetic right arm ... |
1.2198 |
0.05806 |
91 |
77 |
8 |
6 |
2096 |
You should be happy. I had a cold when I left the voice message. I said, "Large tuber" not "Large tumor." |
1.2198 |
0.05136 |
91 |
74 |
14 |
3 |
2097 |
I recommend a colonoscopy. |
1.2198 |
0.05591 |
91 |
76 |
10 |
5 |
2098 |
Many men would envy you, Mr. Testicle. |
1.2198 |
0.05369 |
91 |
75 |
12 |
4 |
2099 |
I've been feeling like I could fall apart at any moment. |
1.2198 |
0.05591 |
91 |
76 |
10 |
5 |
2100 |
You need to cut back on your carbohydrates. |
1.2195 |
0.05494 |
82 |
67 |
12 |
3 |
2101 |
Just to clear this up sir, you feel that parts of you are missing frequently? |
1.2195 |
0.05494 |
82 |
67 |
12 |
3 |
2102 |
Your brain is fried and your head is a bit mashed up, but you should be fine once you peel off the hat. |
1.2195 |
0.05213 |
82 |
66 |
14 |
2 |
2103 |
When did these dreams about turning into a bowl of french fries begin? |
1.2195 |
0.05494 |
82 |
67 |
12 |
3 |
2104 |
The numbers aren’t good. You’re going to have to cut back on carbs. |
1.2195 |
0.05213 |
82 |
66 |
14 |
2 |
2105 |
Your body fat percentage is shockingly low. |
1.2195 |
0.05762 |
82 |
68 |
10 |
4 |
2106 |
Any hoo, it's malignant. |
1.2195 |
0.05213 |
82 |
66 |
14 |
2 |
2107 |
I'm afraid it's blight. |
1.2192 |
0.05602 |
73 |
59 |
12 |
2 |
2108 |
Are you looking to just switch out an eye or an ear, or did you want the complete overhaul? |
1.2192 |
0.05602 |
73 |
59 |
12 |
2 |
2109 |
Quite frankly, it's not the spores I'm concerned about. It's that mustache that keeps me awake at night. |
1.2192 |
0.05932 |
73 |
60 |
10 |
3 |
2110 |
I'm sorry sir, but your insurance doesn't cover cosmetic surgery. |
1.2192 |
0.05602 |
73 |
59 |
12 |
2 |
2111 |
What do you mean you keep all your accessories in your butt? |
1.2190 |
0.04684 |
105 |
85 |
17 |
3 |
2112 |
We see these problems of loneliness with other You-tubers. |
1.2190 |
0.04876 |
105 |
86 |
15 |
4 |
2113 |
At this age, you may notice some changes sprouting up. |
1.2190 |
0.04876 |
105 |
86 |
15 |
4 |
2114 |
The urologist says you don't come with that part. |
1.2190 |
0.04276 |
105 |
83 |
21 |
1 |
2115 |
Any food allergies? |
1.2190 |
0.04684 |
105 |
85 |
17 |
3 |
2116 |
Knee replacement, hip replacement, no problem. I've written you a prescription. You can have it filled at any toy store. |
1.2188 |
0.05581 |
96 |
81 |
9 |
6 |
2117 |
Unfortunately the bill might make your eyes pop out. |
1.2188 |
0.04957 |
96 |
78 |
15 |
3 |
2118 |
Tell me more about this hollow feeling you have recently experienced. |
1.2188 |
0.04730 |
96 |
77 |
17 |
2 |
2119 |
If you want to live longer. I recommend that you avoid butter and sour cream. |
1.2188 |
0.04957 |
96 |
78 |
15 |
3 |
2120 |
It says here that you are Irish and missing your right ear? |
1.2188 |
0.05381 |
96 |
80 |
11 |
5 |
2121 |
You've got to cut out the carbs |
1.2188 |
0.04957 |
96 |
78 |
15 |
3 |
2122 |
Yes, you are definitle a candidate for Ozempic. |
1.2185 |
0.04944 |
119 |
100 |
12 |
7 |
2123 |
I’ve never seen a patient so calm when faced with major surgery. |
1.2184 |
0.04746 |
87 |
69 |
17 |
1 |
2124 |
Turns out your'e some stud,Spud. |
1.2184 |
0.05526 |
87 |
72 |
11 |
4 |
2125 |
Cut down on the carbs. |
1.2184 |
0.05279 |
87 |
71 |
13 |
3 |
2126 |
I'll stop calling you spud when you stop calling me bud. |
1.2184 |
0.05279 |
87 |
71 |
13 |
3 |
2127 |
Looks like all the transplants were a success. |
1.2179 |
0.05046 |
78 |
62 |
15 |
1 |
2128 |
I’m not sure you’d be happy with the results of a facial peel. |
1.2179 |
0.05366 |
78 |
63 |
13 |
2 |
2129 |
When did you stop smoking a pipe. |
1.2179 |
0.05954 |
78 |
65 |
9 |
4 |
2130 |
We can go ahead and swap your eyes with Mrs. Potato Head's, but Billy left her ears at Megan's house so that'll mean a twelve thousand dollar co-pay |
1.2178 |
0.05378 |
101 |
85 |
10 |
6 |
2131 |
How long would you say you haven't had any feeling in your legs? |
1.2174 |
0.05086 |
92 |
75 |
14 |
3 |
2132 |
I’m afraid, sir, that you need a coach, not a couch. |
1.2174 |
0.04845 |
92 |
74 |
16 |
2 |
2133 |
Can you show me where do you feel the most pain in the neck? |
1.2174 |
0.05086 |
92 |
75 |
14 |
3 |
2134 |
The plastic surgery was a success. |
1.2174 |
0.05086 |
92 |
75 |
14 |
3 |
2135 |
In my opinion, you should lose some weight and the hat. |
1.2174 |
0.05086 |
92 |
75 |
14 |
3 |
2136 |
I can cure your baldness by replacing the hat with the moustache. |
1.2174 |
0.04845 |
92 |
74 |
16 |
2 |
2137 |
So glad to see you’re still not smoking. |
1.2170 |
0.04645 |
106 |
86 |
17 |
3 |
2138 |
Your rhinoplasty will only take a minute, Mr. Potato Head. |
1.2170 |
0.04645 |
106 |
86 |
17 |
3 |
2139 |
To be honest, you stopped looking like Angelina Jolie six plastic surgeries ago. |
1.2169 |
0.05950 |
83 |
70 |
8 |
5 |
2140 |
No, I don’t recommend removing your eyes. |
1.2169 |
0.05434 |
83 |
68 |
12 |
3 |
2141 |
You're back I see. Glad you have your ears in this time. |
1.2169 |
0.05434 |
83 |
68 |
12 |
3 |
2142 |
Risk factor assessment; do your friends frequently get smashed? |
1.2169 |
0.05434 |
83 |
68 |
12 |
3 |
2143 |
The eye exam will cost extra. |
1.2169 |
0.05156 |
83 |
67 |
14 |
2 |
2144 |
Contrary to what most Americans think, a potato is not a vegetable. And in your case, that's a good thing. |
1.2169 |
0.05434 |
83 |
68 |
12 |
3 |
2145 |
It's time for your plastic implants to be replaced. |
1.2169 |
0.05434 |
83 |
68 |
12 |
3 |
2146 |
Nobody wears hats anymore. |
1.2169 |
0.05698 |
83 |
69 |
10 |
4 |
2147 |
So, I would advice against the chemical peel. |
1.2165 |
0.05124 |
97 |
80 |
13 |
4 |
2148 |
Regrettably Mr. Spud, if you continue with your party-game lifestyle, your declining years will be spent in a casserole. |
1.2165 |
0.05124 |
97 |
80 |
13 |
4 |
2149 |
Chives are OK, but you should cut back on the sour cream. |
1.2165 |
0.04203 |
97 |
76 |
21 |
0 |
2150 |
I’m afraid you’ve got a bone spud. |
1.2165 |
0.04910 |
97 |
79 |
15 |
3 |
2151 |
I’m concerned that you seem to have only two eyes. |
1.2165 |
0.05124 |
97 |
80 |
13 |
4 |
2152 |
So, you say it been how long since you've seen your knees? |
1.2165 |
0.05124 |
97 |
80 |
13 |
4 |
2153 |
It appears to be a simple sprout, but just to be on the safe side, let's microwave it. |
1.2162 |
0.05188 |
74 |
59 |
14 |
1 |
2154 |
I’ve never had that request before, but I don’t see why not. |
1.2162 |
0.05533 |
74 |
60 |
12 |
2 |
2155 |
Don't worry, we're going to turn that frown upside down |
1.2162 |
0.05533 |
74 |
60 |
12 |
2 |
2156 |
First, we need to do something about that hat. |
1.2162 |
0.05858 |
74 |
61 |
10 |
3 |
2157 |
I feel fried. |
1.2162 |
0.05533 |
74 |
60 |
12 |
2 |
2158 |
I'm going to pieces! |
1.2159 |
0.05225 |
88 |
72 |
13 |
3 |
2159 |
So, how exactly did Timmy's parents play with you? |
1.2159 |
0.05225 |
88 |
72 |
13 |
3 |
2160 |
We were able to put your ear and nose back where they belong. But unfortunatley you still dont have pants on. |
1.2159 |
0.05225 |
88 |
72 |
13 |
3 |
2161 |
Your waistline could use some work |
1.2159 |
0.04968 |
88 |
71 |
15 |
2 |
2162 |
If you feel this mashed now, just wait until November 23rd and you see your next visit deductible cost. |
1.2159 |
0.05469 |
88 |
73 |
11 |
4 |
2163 |
Turn yourself and cough. |
1.2159 |
0.04411 |
88 |
69 |
19 |
0 |
2164 |
Have you sent a form to the manufacturer for replacement parts? |
1.2159 |
0.05469 |
88 |
73 |
11 |
4 |
2165 |
Good morning Mr. Head. Are you the one they call Spud? |
1.2159 |
0.05469 |
88 |
73 |
11 |
4 |
2166 |
May I ask you to remove your hat, ears, eyes, nose, mustache…” |
1.2159 |
0.05703 |
88 |
74 |
9 |
5 |
2167 |
There is a genetic marker. Are you closely related to the Dumpty family? |
1.2157 |
0.05144 |
102 |
85 |
12 |
5 |
2168 |
It’s true, you are what you eat |
1.2152 |
0.05603 |
79 |
65 |
11 |
3 |
2169 |
First get rid of that couch. |
1.2152 |
0.04990 |
79 |
63 |
15 |
1 |
2170 |
I’m sorry, but we need to take both feet, an ear and your nose. |
1.2152 |
0.05885 |
79 |
66 |
9 |
4 |
2171 |
About that rectal exam… |
1.2152 |
0.05305 |
79 |
64 |
13 |
2 |
2172 |
Do you want your test results julienne or crinkle-cut? |
1.2152 |
0.05305 |
79 |
64 |
13 |
2 |
2173 |
Your insurance only covers chips” |
1.2152 |
0.05603 |
79 |
65 |
11 |
3 |
2174 |
Well Mr. Planter, I’m sorry to inform you that your genetic profile reveals you to be not nut but bean” |
1.2152 |
0.04653 |
79 |
62 |
17 |
0 |
2175 |
You would not BELIEVE what we found shoved up your butt. |
1.2151 |
0.05263 |
93 |
77 |
12 |
4 |
2176 |
No we can't just remove it and replace it with a bigger one. |
1.2151 |
0.04798 |
93 |
75 |
16 |
2 |
2177 |
Unfortunately it's genetic, meaning you may pass it down to any tater tots you may have. |
1.2151 |
0.04548 |
93 |
74 |
18 |
1 |
2178 |
We'll have to amputate your legs, arms, ears, nose, eyes, eyebrows, mustache and hat. |
1.2151 |
0.05481 |
93 |
78 |
10 |
5 |
2179 |
If it happens again, to restore your previous appearance I'd recommend using "Krazy Glue". |
1.2151 |
0.04548 |
93 |
74 |
18 |
1 |
2180 |
Since you have no excretion mechanisms, everything you eat accumulates. |
1.2150 |
0.04974 |
107 |
89 |
13 |
5 |
2181 |
I’m afraid it’s all going to have to come off |
1.2150 |
0.04605 |
107 |
87 |
17 |
3 |
2182 |
Your starch levels are incredibly high. |
1.2143 |
0.05375 |
84 |
69 |
12 |
3 |
2183 |
So how long have you felt this top heavy? |
1.2143 |
0.05077 |
98 |
81 |
13 |
4 |
2184 |
Finally, the nuances of being an egghead! |
1.2143 |
0.05375 |
84 |
69 |
12 |
3 |
2185 |
We all change as we get older |
1.2143 |
0.04644 |
98 |
79 |
17 |
2 |
2186 |
I don't normally recommend hash. |
1.2143 |
0.05101 |
84 |
68 |
14 |
2 |
2187 |
Unfortunately, my diagnosis is couch potato. |
1.2143 |
0.06068 |
70 |
58 |
9 |
3 |
2188 |
We can tell by your skinny arms that you are a tech worker |
1.2143 |
0.05101 |
84 |
68 |
14 |
2 |
2189 |
You're a potato. |
1.2143 |
0.05885 |
84 |
71 |
8 |
5 |
2190 |
bad news..we're going to have to put your ears where your eyes are. |
1.2143 |
0.05101 |
84 |
68 |
14 |
2 |
2191 |
You need to lose enough weight to at least be able to see your legs. |
1.2143 |
0.04812 |
84 |
67 |
16 |
1 |
2192 |
Okay, lose the boots...let's have a look at those tots. |
1.2143 |
0.05636 |
84 |
70 |
10 |
4 |
2193 |
Gastric bypass might help, but getting off the couch would be a first good step. |
1.2143 |
0.05375 |
84 |
69 |
12 |
3 |
2194 |
Yes, Mr. Potato Head. Bad eyes are a common tater trait. |
1.2143 |
0.05636 |
84 |
70 |
10 |
4 |
2195 |
You're healthy. Just don't get loaded. |
1.2143 |
0.05375 |
84 |
69 |
12 |
3 |
2196 |
As your doctor I recommend against getting smashed this Thanksgiving |
1.2143 |
0.04865 |
98 |
80 |
15 |
3 |
2197 |
If you want to have kids, you are going to have to poke your eyes out. |
1.2143 |
0.05717 |
70 |
57 |
11 |
2 |
2198 |
Given the shape you’re in, I recommend a low-carb diet. |
1.2143 |
0.05077 |
98 |
81 |
13 |
4 |
2199 |
When I suggested cutting out carbs, I didn't mean doing away with the missus. |
1.2143 |
0.04865 |
98 |
80 |
15 |
3 |
2200 |
Your diet chart indicates that you need to limit your carbs. |
1.2137 |
0.04514 |
117 |
96 |
17 |
4 |
2201 |
Again, stay away from the starch! |
1.2136 |
0.05281 |
103 |
87 |
10 |
6 |
2202 |
You're low on potassium. |
1.2136 |
0.04503 |
103 |
83 |
18 |
2 |
2203 |
I've never seen anything like this...you're a potato. |
1.2136 |
0.05281 |
103 |
87 |
10 |
6 |
2204 |
I can promise you, everything is where it should be. |
1.2136 |
0.04503 |
103 |
83 |
18 |
2 |
2205 |
Why yes, I believe we have a couch in exam room A. |
1.2135 |
0.04918 |
89 |
72 |
15 |
2 |
2206 |
So, the gown didn't fit? |
1.2135 |
0.05171 |
89 |
73 |
13 |
3 |
2207 |
Unfortunately your insurance won’t cover medication for depression no matter how empty you feel inside. |
1.2135 |
0.04368 |
89 |
70 |
19 |
0 |
2208 |
I'd recommend a flu shot, but, you won't be
'certified organic' any more. |
1.2135 |
0.04651 |
89 |
71 |
17 |
1 |
2209 |
Your carbs are a little high… |
1.2135 |
0.05171 |
89 |
73 |
13 |
3 |
2210 |
I suspect chronic anthropomorphism. |
1.2135 |
0.05171 |
89 |
73 |
13 |
3 |
2211 |
That x ray gave us quite a scare but we’re pretty sure you’re a carb |
1.2135 |
0.04918 |
89 |
72 |
15 |
2 |
2212 |
The good news: we found a torso donor. The bad news: it's a yam. |
1.2135 |
0.05171 |
89 |
73 |
13 |
3 |
2213 |
You might want to reduce your carbohydrates. |
1.2135 |
0.04918 |
89 |
72 |
15 |
2 |
2214 |
Is it pronounced Mr. Potātohead or Mr. Potátohead? |
1.2135 |
0.05171 |
89 |
73 |
13 |
3 |
2215 |
Police said they found you in a moderate oven with the timer set for forty-five minutes. Therapy should help deal with your suicidal ideation. |
1.2135 |
0.04918 |
89 |
72 |
15 |
2 |
2216 |
Not a concern. People live long and healthy lives without a torso. |
1.2135 |
0.05643 |
89 |
75 |
9 |
5 |
2217 |
It’s as I thought. You have too much starch in your diet. |
1.2135 |
0.05412 |
89 |
74 |
11 |
4 |
2218 |
So your say your symptoms are a hollow feeling and you keep falling apart? |
1.2133 |
0.05467 |
75 |
61 |
12 |
2 |
2219 |
So let me get this straight. You say a child pulled your ear off your head and put it where your arm is supposed to be? |
1.2133 |
0.05127 |
75 |
60 |
14 |
1 |
2220 |
I’m afraid it’s serious. You have no internal organs. |
1.2133 |
0.05127 |
75 |
60 |
14 |
1 |
2221 |
She may say she has an intolerance, but you tell your wife you're gluten-free |
1.2133 |
0.05787 |
75 |
62 |
10 |
3 |
2222 |
Your test results are in. I recommend you get off the couch a little more often. |
1.2133 |
0.05787 |
75 |
62 |
10 |
3 |
2223 |
Any mobility issues? |
1.2133 |
0.06090 |
75 |
63 |
8 |
4 |
2224 |
"When I saw 'full-body headache' on the paperwork, I thought the Neurology folks were pranking me again." |
1.2133 |
0.05127 |
75 |
60 |
14 |
1 |
2225 |
You need to exercise more - water pressure is too high. |
1.2128 |
0.04752 |
94 |
76 |
16 |
2 |
2226 |
Now if I told you once, I told you twice Mr. Dumpty that if sit on that wall it can lead to consequences. |
1.2128 |
0.05427 |
94 |
79 |
10 |
5 |
2227 |
You have Air Fryer fear. |
1.2128 |
0.04244 |
94 |
74 |
20 |
0 |
2228 |
It took two years but we got you back together. |
1.2128 |
0.05427 |
94 |
79 |
10 |
5 |
2229 |
No, your eyes are not poisonous. |
1.2128 |
0.05212 |
94 |
78 |
12 |
4 |
2230 |
Avoid being mashed, au gratin, french fried, or in tater salad. |
1.2128 |
0.04987 |
94 |
77 |
14 |
3 |
2231 |
You are too much over carbohydrates Mr. Potato head. |
1.2128 |
0.04987 |
94 |
77 |
14 |
3 |
2232 |
Well, Harry, you’re way out of shape and your starch level is off the charts. |
1.2128 |
0.04987 |
94 |
77 |
14 |
3 |
2233 |
You’ll be good to go after I snap on a new right arm. |
1.2125 |
0.05539 |
80 |
66 |
11 |
3 |
2234 |
Well, we did find a tuber, but that's not surprising. |
1.2125 |
0.05245 |
80 |
65 |
13 |
2 |
2235 |
You appear to be genetically predisposed to run for office. |
1.2125 |
0.05539 |
80 |
66 |
11 |
3 |
2236 |
It says your wife is concerned you're a malignant tuber... |
1.2125 |
0.05245 |
80 |
65 |
13 |
2 |
2237 |
Fortunately, we found a donor. |
1.2125 |
0.04934 |
80 |
64 |
15 |
1 |
2238 |
No, I don’t think it’s all in your head. |
1.2125 |
0.05817 |
80 |
67 |
9 |
4 |
2239 |
Yes, fertility is a concern and no, we do not carry that part. |
1.2125 |
0.05817 |
80 |
67 |
9 |
4 |
2240 |
Well, looks like all your parts check out. |
1.2125 |
0.05245 |
80 |
65 |
13 |
2 |
2241 |
That second opinion? Sounds half baked! |
1.2125 |
0.05817 |
80 |
67 |
9 |
4 |
2242 |
Overall, I'd say you are hot, sweet, baked, mashed, and couchy, as I would have expected. |
1.2125 |
0.05539 |
80 |
66 |
11 |
3 |
2243 |
Well Spud, technically you are a vegetable. |
1.2125 |
0.05539 |
80 |
66 |
11 |
3 |
2244 |
So you feel like a part of you is missing? |
1.2125 |
0.04934 |
80 |
64 |
15 |
1 |
2245 |
The good news is your parts are reattachable |
1.2125 |
0.05539 |
80 |
66 |
11 |
3 |
2246 |
Don't worry. Most guys your age are half-baked, |
1.2125 |
0.05245 |
80 |
65 |
13 |
2 |
2247 |
Have you considered donating your body to the Children's Hospital after you pass? |
1.2121 |
0.05231 |
99 |
83 |
11 |
5 |
2248 |
I remind you that this is your fifth and final full facial transplant. |
1.2121 |
0.05030 |
99 |
82 |
13 |
4 |
2249 |
It's just chlorophyll causing your green bottom. It's harmless, but everyone will wonder if you're toxic. |
1.2121 |
0.05030 |
99 |
82 |
13 |
4 |
2250 |
Are you fairly active or are you more of a couch potato? |
1.2121 |
0.04372 |
99 |
79 |
19 |
1 |
2251 |
The good news is yes—in your case, a sex change operation is extremely possible. The bad news is I’m a dentist. |
1.2121 |
0.06660 |
66 |
56 |
6 |
4 |
2252 |
Normally, I would recommend that you store your additional eyes, noses, ears, and lips elsewhere. |
1.2121 |
0.06301 |
66 |
55 |
8 |
3 |
2253 |
Looks like carbs are keeping you in good shape. |
1.2121 |
0.04821 |
99 |
81 |
15 |
3 |
2254 |
You look good. But I am again recommending you avoid contact with any frying pans. |
1.2118 |
0.05317 |
85 |
70 |
12 |
3 |
2255 |
I'm referring you to a Botanical Neurologist. |
1.2118 |
0.05317 |
85 |
70 |
12 |
3 |
2256 |
You have to cut out the french fries. |
1.2118 |
0.04762 |
85 |
68 |
16 |
1 |
2257 |
It's all your mother's fault! |
1.2118 |
0.05047 |
85 |
69 |
14 |
2 |
2258 |
I'm afraid your plan considers plastic surgery elective. |
1.2118 |
0.04762 |
85 |
68 |
16 |
1 |
2259 |
Great costume Mr. Trump....but should they call you Dick or Mr. Tater |
1.2118 |
0.05575 |
85 |
71 |
10 |
4 |
2260 |
I'm afraid those eyes have got to go. |
1.2118 |
0.05820 |
85 |
72 |
8 |
5 |
2261 |
If there are symptoms of blight then they appear to be only in your head |
1.2118 |
0.05575 |
85 |
71 |
10 |
4 |
2262 |
I'm afraid you have tatertotophobia |
1.2118 |
0.05317 |
85 |
70 |
12 |
3 |
2263 |
Those aren't potato eyes, they’re anal warts. |
1.2115 |
0.04864 |
104 |
86 |
14 |
4 |
2264 |
You might want to cut down on the carbs |
1.2115 |
0.04464 |
104 |
84 |
18 |
2 |
2265 |
I’d tell you to lay off the carbs, but you are a carb. |
1.2115 |
0.04864 |
104 |
86 |
14 |
4 |
2266 |
I do have some recommendations, Mr. Starchy McStarchface. |
1.2115 |
0.04668 |
104 |
85 |
16 |
3 |
2267 |
Too much starch, let's find ways to work more green vegetables into your diet. |
1.2115 |
0.04864 |
104 |
86 |
14 |
4 |
2268 |
Well, at your age it is typical to sprout new eyes but a face peel is out of the question. |
1.2113 |
0.05275 |
71 |
57 |
13 |
1 |
2269 |
We’ve run all the tests and, once again, rest assured, everything is exactly where it should be. |
1.2113 |
0.05275 |
71 |
57 |
13 |
1 |
2270 |
Sorry, my nurse didn't say stud. She said, "I put the spud in room four. |
1.2113 |
0.05644 |
71 |
58 |
11 |
2 |
2271 |
Luckily the transplant will be a simple procedure |
1.2113 |
0.05644 |
71 |
58 |
11 |
2 |
2272 |
Frankly, sir, you don’t want to see the X-Ray. |
1.2111 |
0.04869 |
90 |
73 |
15 |
2 |
2273 |
First off let me just say, I'm a big fan of your work. |
1.2111 |
0.05119 |
90 |
74 |
13 |
3 |
2274 |
Good news, your insurance covers all your plastic prosthetic replacements. |
1.2111 |
0.05357 |
90 |
75 |
11 |
4 |
2275 |
Your lab tests all look fine but you may want to cut down on the starches for a while. |
1.2110 |
0.04890 |
109 |
91 |
13 |
5 |
2276 |
You need to cut back on carbohydrates |
1.2110 |
0.04337 |
109 |
88 |
19 |
2 |
2277 |
You say your name is Mr. Potato Head and you're seeking vegetable change surgery? |
1.2110 |
0.04713 |
109 |
90 |
15 |
4 |
2278 |
I'm surprised by your starchy reaction to this prognosis. |
1.2105 |
0.05402 |
76 |
62 |
12 |
2 |
2279 |
Would you introduce me to Woody and Buzz? |
1.2105 |
0.05717 |
76 |
63 |
10 |
3 |
2280 |
The Good News is that your facelift will be an out-patient procedure.. |
1.2105 |
0.04708 |
76 |
60 |
16 |
0 |
2281 |
You must limit your carbs |
1.2105 |
0.05161 |
95 |
79 |
12 |
4 |
2282 |
The probability you will have a fall is very high. |
1.2105 |
0.05717 |
76 |
63 |
10 |
3 |
2283 |
So how does it make you feel to be living above ground? |
1.2105 |
0.05717 |
76 |
63 |
10 |
3 |
2284 |
I'm very sorry Mr.Chaney, but little can be done for werepotato condition. |
1.2105 |
0.05161 |
95 |
79 |
12 |
4 |
2285 |
I see here you a donor, organic vodka. Nice. |
1.2105 |
0.06301 |
76 |
65 |
6 |
5 |
2286 |
Is potato |
1.2105 |
0.06301 |
76 |
65 |
6 |
5 |
2287 |
The good news is that in your case, gender affirming care is rather rudimentary. |
1.2105 |
0.06301 |
76 |
65 |
6 |
5 |
2288 |
Do you have a family history of scalloped, mashed or baked? |
1.2105 |
0.04940 |
95 |
78 |
14 |
3 |
2289 |
We could make your facial features removable, but you're still going to be a potato. You're never going to be an eggplant. |
1.2105 |
0.05402 |
76 |
62 |
12 |
2 |
2290 |
Believe it or not, new eye growth isn’t that uncommon at your age. |
1.2105 |
0.05402 |
76 |
62 |
12 |
2 |
2291 |
I know it will be difficult. But you need to cut back on carbs. |
1.2100 |
0.04984 |
100 |
83 |
13 |
4 |
2292 |
I'm a little worried about your hips and knees. |
1.2100 |
0.04984 |
100 |
83 |
13 |
4 |
2293 |
I think we can get the replacement parts from Amazon. |
1.2100 |
0.04777 |
100 |
82 |
15 |
3 |
2294 |
Relax! Idaho farmers are introducing Miss Sweet Potatoes |
1.2100 |
0.04777 |
100 |
82 |
15 |
3 |
2295 |
We’d like to enroll you in our organ donation program. |
1.2099 |
0.05187 |
81 |
66 |
13 |
2 |
2296 |
It sounds like glue might do the trick. |
1.2099 |
0.04880 |
81 |
65 |
15 |
1 |
2297 |
Well, the good news is your vitamin C levels are strong. The bad news is we can't find a heartbeat. |
1.2099 |
0.05187 |
81 |
66 |
13 |
2 |
2298 |
DR : " you have multiple punctures in your skin and say you are ' 'feeling baked ' . apply butter, sour cream and salt and pepper for some relief , mister P " |
1.2099 |
0.05476 |
81 |
67 |
11 |
3 |
2299 |
Oh Mr. Potatohead tell me, is it true that pain is beauty. |
1.2099 |
0.05751 |
81 |
68 |
9 |
4 |
2300 |
So,which part is hurting you today? |
1.2099 |
0.05187 |
81 |
66 |
13 |
2 |
2301 |
You're allergic to ketchup. |
1.2099 |
0.04880 |
81 |
65 |
15 |
1 |
2302 |
Since you've made it this far as you are,just keep doing what you're doing. |
1.2099 |
0.04880 |
81 |
65 |
15 |
1 |
2303 |
Call me a narcissist,doc- I love carbs. |
1.2099 |
0.05187 |
81 |
66 |
13 |
2 |
2304 |
Frankly I find it a little hard to believe that you "just fell" on it. But, yes, we can get it out of there. |
1.2099 |
0.05751 |
81 |
68 |
9 |
4 |
2305 |
How many carbs do eat in a day? |
1.2099 |
0.05476 |
81 |
67 |
11 |
3 |
2306 |
'Let me guess: headaches again?' |
1.2099 |
0.04880 |
81 |
65 |
15 |
1 |
2307 |
I wish I had better news so you might want to get your frown out for this. |
1.2099 |
0.05751 |
81 |
68 |
9 |
4 |
2308 |
So, you can't decide if you want to be fried, boiled or baked. |
1.2099 |
0.05751 |
81 |
68 |
9 |
4 |
2309 |
We think your health will return if you resume your role as Mr. Potato Head. |
1.2099 |
0.04880 |
81 |
65 |
15 |
1 |
2310 |
I didn't know they ever used real potatoes. |
1.2095 |
0.05188 |
105 |
89 |
10 |
6 |
2311 |
I don't want to toy with you. If we don't get to the root of the problem, you may have to have parts transplants. |
1.2095 |
0.04822 |
105 |
87 |
14 |
4 |
2312 |
I think you should cut down on the carbs. |
1.2095 |
0.04426 |
105 |
85 |
18 |
2 |
2313 |
Your cholesterol is fine, but your blight seems to be acting up. |
1.2093 |
0.05515 |
86 |
72 |
10 |
4 |
2314 |
Well, your eyes are excellent. |
1.2093 |
0.04712 |
86 |
69 |
16 |
1 |
2315 |
Your drug test shows that you're half-baked. |
1.2093 |
0.04994 |
86 |
70 |
14 |
2 |
2316 |
It appears you have spudliois. |
1.2093 |
0.04994 |
86 |
70 |
14 |
2 |
2317 |
A loaded potato does not mean what you think it is. |
1.2093 |
0.05758 |
86 |
73 |
8 |
5 |
2318 |
You're going to have to layoff carbs. |
1.2093 |
0.05515 |
86 |
72 |
10 |
4 |
2319 |
It's not a prostate problem. You can't pee because you're a potato. |
1.2093 |
0.05261 |
86 |
71 |
12 |
3 |
2320 |
I don't think it's leprosy. |
1.2093 |
0.05261 |
86 |
71 |
12 |
3 |
2321 |
Now, tell me again how you got on the table? |
1.2093 |
0.04712 |
86 |
69 |
16 |
1 |
2322 |
Nothing appears to be out of place. |
1.2093 |
0.04994 |
86 |
70 |
14 |
2 |
2323 |
Not to worry. This scrip will turn you from a spud to a stud |
1.2093 |
0.05515 |
86 |
72 |
10 |
4 |
2324 |
Obviously the statin isn't working as we'd hoped. |
1.2093 |
0.05515 |
86 |
72 |
10 |
4 |
2325 |
I'm writing a new prescription: no more
sitting on walls. |
1.2093 |
0.04412 |
86 |
68 |
18 |
0 |
2326 |
All you need is some good sleep… and maybe some butter, chives, cheese, bacon bits, a dollop of sour cream… sorry did I say that last part out loud? |
1.2091 |
0.04849 |
110 |
92 |
13 |
5 |
2327 |
Let's start with the starch. |
1.2090 |
0.06214 |
67 |
56 |
8 |
3 |
2328 |
Do you mind removing your nose for me? |
1.2090 |
0.06568 |
67 |
57 |
6 |
4 |
2329 |
Therapy will include one hour at 425 degrees, followed by large doses of butter and sour cream. |
1.2088 |
0.04560 |
91 |
73 |
17 |
1 |
2330 |
Good news! Your skin is quite healthy. |
1.2088 |
0.04821 |
91 |
74 |
15 |
2 |
2331 |
Hmm, I’m a little concerned about your BMI Mr Beautato! |
1.2088 |
0.05303 |
91 |
76 |
11 |
4 |
2332 |
Yes, diarrhea and constipation are side-effects of Ozempic. But once again, and I can't stress this enough, you don't have an anus. |
1.2088 |
0.05745 |
91 |
78 |
7 |
6 |
2333 |
I’m sorry, but you have a brain tuber. |
1.2088 |
0.05068 |
91 |
75 |
13 |
3 |
2334 |
For this exam, you'll need to remove your hat, eyebrows, eyes, ears, nose, mouth, arms, feet and mustache. |
1.2083 |
0.05573 |
72 |
59 |
11 |
2 |
2335 |
Try cutting back on starch |
1.2083 |
0.05573 |
72 |
59 |
11 |
2 |
2336 |
You need to do more walking or you're baked. |
1.2083 |
0.06235 |
72 |
61 |
7 |
4 |
2337 |
So I see you’re quite the spud now. |
1.2083 |
0.05112 |
96 |
80 |
12 |
4 |
2338 |
You didn't fill out your marital status. Is there a Mrs. Potato Head? |
1.2083 |
0.05210 |
72 |
58 |
13 |
1 |
2339 |
Oh it's you, from the hat transplant! |
1.2083 |
0.04663 |
96 |
78 |
16 |
2 |
2340 |
Cut back on the ketchup and bacon bits and you will be fine in no time. |
1.2083 |
0.05112 |
96 |
80 |
12 |
4 |
2341 |
We both agree it's plastic surgery, but your insurance company will not cover mustache removal. |
1.2083 |
0.05112 |
96 |
80 |
12 |
4 |
2342 |
You’re too heavy, either lose the couch or lose the mouth. |
1.2083 |
0.05112 |
96 |
80 |
12 |
4 |
2343 |
We removed your appendix and placed it somewhere else. |
1.2083 |
0.05913 |
72 |
60 |
9 |
3 |
2344 |
No, dude, a headache and a stomachache are totally different things. |
1.2083 |
0.05573 |
72 |
59 |
11 |
2 |
2345 |
Either pull yourself together or go to pieces. |
1.2083 |
0.04893 |
96 |
79 |
14 |
3 |
2346 |
It says here, sir, that you claimed you wanted to go on a diet that would make you 'flatter than a tortilla.' |
1.2083 |
0.04820 |
72 |
57 |
15 |
0 |
2347 |
Let me start with good news,your head size is normal. |
1.2079 |
0.04734 |
101 |
83 |
15 |
3 |
2348 |
Soak yourself in buttermilk and see me tomorrow with a pinch of salt. |
1.2079 |
0.05324 |
101 |
86 |
9 |
6 |
2349 |
And no carbs. I mean really, none. |
1.2079 |
0.04939 |
101 |
84 |
13 |
4 |
2350 |
Too much starch in your diet.
And avoid fried foods. |
1.2078 |
0.05338 |
77 |
63 |
12 |
2 |
2351 |
I know this will be difficult, but it's time to cut back on the carbs. |
1.2078 |
0.05338 |
77 |
63 |
12 |
2 |
2352 |
I suggest you cut back on carbs. |
1.2078 |
0.05649 |
77 |
64 |
10 |
3 |
2353 |
Well I never thought I’d encounter this situation, but I’ll have to get Dr. Smith to complete your prescription - the pharmacy just won’t believe we coincidentally have the same name |
1.2078 |
0.05649 |
77 |
64 |
10 |
3 |
2354 |
Don't think of it as a procedure, think of it as a rearrangement |
1.2078 |
0.05649 |
77 |
64 |
10 |
3 |
2355 |
Good news. We know why you've been constipated. |
1.2075 |
0.05143 |
106 |
90 |
10 |
6 |
2356 |
Well Mister P, other than those dark spots on your body, everything is fine. |
1.2075 |
0.04589 |
106 |
87 |
16 |
3 |
2357 |
Your glucose is elevated. |
1.2075 |
0.04965 |
106 |
89 |
12 |
5 |
2358 |
Maybe try switching over to the smiley mouth and thumbs up arm? |
1.2073 |
0.05129 |
82 |
67 |
13 |
2 |
2359 |
I'm afraid your insurance doesn't cover any other mustaches. |
1.2073 |
0.05686 |
82 |
69 |
9 |
4 |
2360 |
Changing your nose should be easy. |
1.2073 |
0.05415 |
82 |
68 |
11 |
3 |
2361 |
Let's get that junk out of your trunk. |
1.2073 |
0.05686 |
82 |
69 |
9 |
4 |
2362 |
It says here that you'd like to have an enema. |
1.2073 |
0.05945 |
82 |
70 |
7 |
5 |
2363 |
The exam is usually done with MY hand. |
1.2073 |
0.05129 |
82 |
67 |
13 |
2 |
2364 |
Your problem is that you're a potato. |
1.2073 |
0.05686 |
82 |
69 |
9 |
4 |
2365 |
You have blight. |
1.2073 |
0.05129 |
82 |
67 |
13 |
2 |
2366 |
It shows that you are one third Dumpty |
1.2073 |
0.05945 |
82 |
70 |
7 |
5 |
2367 |
What! You didn’t wear a mask?!? |
1.2073 |
0.04504 |
82 |
65 |
17 |
0 |
2368 |
I can give you a cream but you really shouldn’t be storing anything in there. |
1.2073 |
0.05129 |
82 |
67 |
13 |
2 |
2369 |
Do you have a family history of being cut in half and having all your insides taken out? |
1.2073 |
0.05129 |
82 |
67 |
13 |
2 |
2370 |
You're medically cleared to travel abroad, Mr. Potato-head. Just stay away from hot tubs if you're in France. |
1.2073 |
0.05129 |
82 |
67 |
13 |
2 |
2371 |
The procedure's pretty simple. We're gonna pop out your nose and put a new one in. |
1.2069 |
0.05206 |
87 |
72 |
12 |
3 |
2372 |
So, you planned to propose but realized you don't have knees? |
1.2069 |
0.05456 |
87 |
73 |
10 |
4 |
2373 |
Rather than put you on a vigorous exercise program, I think I'll just change out your arms. |
1.2069 |
0.04942 |
87 |
71 |
14 |
2 |
2374 |
Yes, we will be examining the contents of your posterior compartment today, but the procedure is painless. |
1.2069 |
0.04942 |
87 |
71 |
14 |
2 |
2375 |
The good news is, you still have appeal. |
1.2069 |
0.05206 |
87 |
72 |
12 |
3 |
2376 |
The problem is you have no body. |
1.2069 |
0.05456 |
87 |
73 |
10 |
4 |
2377 |
Yes, now that Halloween is over, you’re safe transitioning to a pumpkin. |
1.2069 |
0.05456 |
87 |
73 |
10 |
4 |
2378 |
If you don't stop walking the actor's strike picket line, you'll be baked in no time. |
1.2069 |
0.05206 |
87 |
72 |
12 |
3 |
2379 |
So how long have you been afraid of kids? |
1.2069 |
0.04942 |
87 |
71 |
14 |
2 |
2380 |
I want you to see an ENT doc. That ear is a bit too loose. |
1.2069 |
0.05206 |
87 |
72 |
12 |
3 |
2381 |
Turn around for me and drop you butt hatch, and I’ll take a look at your other parts. |
1.2069 |
0.05206 |
87 |
72 |
12 |
3 |
2382 |
Well, the thing about low-carb is... |
1.2069 |
0.05456 |
87 |
73 |
10 |
4 |
2383 |
I’m afraid I can’t help you, I’m a urologist. |
1.2065 |
0.05017 |
92 |
76 |
13 |
3 |
2384 |
Lay off the starches. |
1.2065 |
0.04773 |
92 |
75 |
15 |
2 |
2385 |
Your blood sugar is low, but your carbs need some work. |
1.2065 |
0.04516 |
92 |
74 |
17 |
1 |
2386 |
Your preference, boiled, baked, or fried. |
1.2065 |
0.05017 |
92 |
76 |
13 |
3 |
2387 |
I'm sorry, Mr. Head, but I'm afraid you're going to need more than a tummy tuck. |
1.2065 |
0.05017 |
92 |
76 |
13 |
3 |
2388 |
High blood sugar -sure; but the good news is that you have low cholesterol! |
1.2065 |
0.05017 |
92 |
76 |
13 |
3 |
2389 |
So, you want me to put your spuds back on
so you can make some more baby potatoes? |
1.2065 |
0.05250 |
92 |
77 |
11 |
4 |
2390 |
Sir, even the best plastic surgeon in the world can't just take your nose off and reattach it. |
1.2065 |
0.04773 |
92 |
75 |
15 |
2 |
2391 |
Yikes. Not good. |
1.2065 |
0.04773 |
92 |
75 |
15 |
2 |
2392 |
And I say dia-BEE-tes. Either way, we’ll start you on insulin. |
1.2065 |
0.04773 |
92 |
75 |
15 |
2 |
2393 |
Your knees are gone! |
1.2065 |
0.05017 |
92 |
76 |
13 |
3 |
2394 |
Your colonoscopy shows you have a blockage. It appears to be a second outfit and a nose. |
1.2062 |
0.05064 |
97 |
81 |
12 |
4 |
2395 |
Normally it's best you keep your organs attached to your body. |
1.2059 |
0.05760 |
68 |
56 |
10 |
2 |
2396 |
Your head is fine, but your body is missing. |
1.2059 |
0.05089 |
102 |
86 |
11 |
5 |
2397 |
We can switch out your eyes, ears, nose and you’ll look like a different person. |
1.2059 |
0.05760 |
68 |
56 |
10 |
2 |
2398 |
Hat and shoes also, Dave, if we're gonna do this right. |
1.2059 |
0.05089 |
102 |
86 |
11 |
5 |
2399 |
Sorry to hear that hilarious new part is causing such pain . Let's have it out, shall we? |
1.2059 |
0.05760 |
68 |
56 |
10 |
2 |
2400 |
The MRI revealed a very large head mass but unfortunately it is inoperable. That'll be $7509.36 for the imaging. The radiologist charges separately. Oh, I see here you are not in our network. |
1.2059 |
0.05760 |
68 |
56 |
10 |
2 |
2401 |
I’d recommend skipping France and returning to Idaho |
1.2059 |
0.05760 |
68 |
56 |
10 |
2 |
2402 |
Your checkup today comes with a pat of butter and chives. |
1.2059 |
0.04894 |
102 |
85 |
13 |
4 |
2403 |
I'm sorry Mr. Head, your stiff neck appears genetic, but the nose job and ear bob will be no problem. |
1.2059 |
0.05760 |
68 |
56 |
10 |
2 |
2404 |
If you don't start listening to me, you are going to end up back in the ground |
1.2059 |
0.06478 |
68 |
58 |
6 |
4 |
2405 |
Your friend notified us once you started calling him "Woody". |
1.2059 |
0.05366 |
68 |
55 |
12 |
1 |
2406 |
Unfortunately, your insurance doesn't cover body implants. |
1.2056 |
0.04351 |
107 |
87 |
18 |
2 |
2407 |
We need to take the nose. |
1.2055 |
0.05839 |
73 |
61 |
9 |
3 |
2408 |
As a diabetic, you will, of course, have to cut down on carbohydrates. |
1.2055 |
0.05503 |
73 |
60 |
11 |
2 |
2409 |
You're have to cut back on the pretend carbs. |
1.2055 |
0.06156 |
73 |
62 |
7 |
4 |
2410 |
Bad news is you are super overweight, good news is your cholesterol is zero. |
1.2055 |
0.05146 |
73 |
59 |
13 |
1 |
2411 |
The results came in. You're having Tots. |
1.2051 |
0.05873 |
78 |
66 |
8 |
4 |
2412 |
Congrats. What you have is Appendage Detachment Disorder, A.D.D., which was made available when attention deficit disorder merger with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. |
1.2051 |
0.05873 |
78 |
66 |
8 |
4 |
2413 |
Mr. Potato, the X-rays indicate it's all in your head. |
1.2051 |
0.05583 |
78 |
65 |
10 |
3 |
2414 |
Doctor: "I'm sorry but it's terminal. They will eat you." |
1.2051 |
0.05583 |
78 |
65 |
10 |
3 |
2415 |
And you have NO IDEA how they got up there? |
1.2051 |
0.05873 |
78 |
66 |
8 |
4 |
2416 |
I feel disconnected. |
1.2048 |
0.05073 |
83 |
68 |
13 |
2 |
2417 |
Why you are wearing a hat inside? |
1.2048 |
0.05073 |
83 |
68 |
13 |
2 |
2418 |
A headache? That's serious! |
1.2048 |
0.05073 |
83 |
68 |
13 |
2 |
2419 |
Doc, I can't get off the couch. |
1.2048 |
0.05623 |
83 |
70 |
9 |
4 |
2420 |
Wd need to talk about carbs. |
1.2048 |
0.05623 |
83 |
70 |
9 |
4 |
2421 |
Cutting out starch would have terrible consequences for you. |
1.2048 |
0.05355 |
83 |
69 |
11 |
3 |
2422 |
So, your here because you wish to get your tubers tied? |
1.2048 |
0.05355 |
83 |
69 |
11 |
3 |
2423 |
2 tablespoons of butter, a teaspoon of salt and a nice hot bath should fix you right up. |
1.2048 |
0.05355 |
83 |
69 |
11 |
3 |
2424 |
The good news is that you have all of your parts. The bad news is that one wants to play with you anymore. |
1.2045 |
0.05152 |
88 |
73 |
12 |
3 |
2425 |
Would you mind telling me how you got here? |
1.2045 |
0.05152 |
88 |
73 |
12 |
3 |
2426 |
It says here you need a new pair of angry eyes since you accidentally flushed yours down the toilet. |
1.2045 |
0.05636 |
88 |
75 |
8 |
5 |
2427 |
We'll have to run some more tests to get to the root of your problem |
1.2045 |
0.04617 |
88 |
71 |
16 |
1 |
2428 |
You’re going to have to wear pants. |
1.2045 |
0.05152 |
88 |
73 |
12 |
3 |
2429 |
I suggest you don't work in the oil business - you could end up as a latke... |
1.2045 |
0.05152 |
88 |
73 |
12 |
3 |
2430 |
You're fine, but I think a snap brim fedora would take years off your look." |
1.2045 |
0.05636 |
88 |
75 |
8 |
5 |
2431 |
Let me refer you to a head-shrinker. |
1.2045 |
0.04891 |
88 |
72 |
14 |
2 |
2432 |
Have you considered the Atkins diet? |
1.2045 |
0.04617 |
88 |
71 |
16 |
1 |
2433 |
If you keep up with the tanning bed, I’m afraid you’ll become delicious. |
1.2043 |
0.05198 |
93 |
78 |
11 |
4 |
2434 |
I'm afraid we have to bill you an arm and a leg for that. |
1.2043 |
0.05630 |
93 |
80 |
7 |
6 |
2435 |
It seems your brain has been fried. |
1.2043 |
0.04968 |
93 |
77 |
13 |
3 |
2436 |
There appears to be an eye under your left ear. |
1.2043 |
0.04727 |
93 |
76 |
15 |
2 |
2437 |
I feel empty inside." -Ashley Caudill, 13 years ol |
1.2043 |
0.04968 |
93 |
77 |
13 |
3 |
2438 |
Everything looks fine, except for your eyes” |
1.2043 |
0.04968 |
93 |
77 |
13 |
3 |
2439 |
It could be tuberculosis. |
1.2043 |
0.04968 |
93 |
77 |
13 |
3 |
2440 |
Bad news. Your entire face is on upside down. |
1.2041 |
0.04577 |
98 |
80 |
16 |
2 |
2441 |
So you want a touch up before Toy Story 5? |
1.2041 |
0.05016 |
98 |
82 |
12 |
4 |
2442 |
Are you African American, Asian, Hispanic, White, or prefer not to answer? |
1.2041 |
0.04802 |
98 |
81 |
14 |
3 |
2443 |
Well at least your vitamin levels are high. |
1.2039 |
0.04851 |
103 |
86 |
13 |
4 |
2444 |
How did you get on top of the wall in the first place... |
1.2039 |
0.05228 |
103 |
88 |
9 |
6 |
2445 |
The eyes will have to come out. |
1.2039 |
0.04441 |
103 |
84 |
17 |
2 |
2446 |
It's all in your head - you need a shrink |
1.2037 |
0.04699 |
108 |
90 |
14 |
4 |
2447 |
Now, if I could just check your reflexes... |
1.2031 |
0.05968 |
64 |
53 |
9 |
2 |
2448 |
I'm afraid your eye exam is inconclusive. |
1.2031 |
0.05069 |
64 |
51 |
13 |
0 |
2449 |
Now, please remove your hat, shoes, nose, ears, and eyes and roll over. |
1.2029 |
0.05684 |
69 |
57 |
10 |
2 |
2450 |
The parts would be easy enough to swap out, but not in Idaho.” |
1.2029 |
0.06047 |
69 |
58 |
8 |
3 |
2451 |
Those eyes have been growing, which is not unusual for a potato of your age. |
1.2027 |
0.05766 |
74 |
62 |
9 |
3 |
2452 |
A potatoscopy will not make you feel better. |
1.2027 |
0.05435 |
74 |
61 |
11 |
2 |
2453 |
You're right to want a physical trainer, but I would say that first of all you'll need a completely new cartoonist. |
1.2027 |
0.05435 |
74 |
61 |
11 |
2 |
2454 |
You just need some rest and limit your starches .... |
1.2027 |
0.05435 |
74 |
61 |
11 |
2 |
2455 |
You report that, at times, you lose your sight, or hearing, nose, eyebrows and mustache. Your wife reported the same thing, but she never wears a mustache! |
1.2027 |
0.05083 |
74 |
60 |
13 |
1 |
2456 |
As a proctologist, it’s not often that I’m asked to look for a patient’s ‘other mustache.’ But, yes, we found it. |
1.2027 |
0.06079 |
74 |
63 |
7 |
4 |
2457 |
Your colonoscopy revealed a second set of facial features. |
1.2027 |
0.06079 |
74 |
63 |
7 |
4 |
2458 |
I agree: pear-shaped is neither a scientific nor inclusive body type description. |
1.2027 |
0.05435 |
74 |
61 |
11 |
2 |
2459 |
No. You can’t be a couch potato if you don’t have a TV |
1.2027 |
0.05766 |
74 |
62 |
9 |
3 |
2460 |
You'll be a new potato in no time. |
1.2025 |
0.05518 |
79 |
66 |
10 |
3 |
2461 |
I remember learning about your condition when playing doctor in preschool.” |
1.2025 |
0.05804 |
79 |
67 |
8 |
4 |
2462 |
Your heart... it's mashed. |
1.2025 |
0.05215 |
79 |
65 |
12 |
2 |
2463 |
I'm afraid if you have lost your other pieces, your only option is mild bemusement. |
1.2025 |
0.05215 |
79 |
65 |
12 |
2 |
2464 |
You should mix more with carrots, onions, broth, garlic,
squash, and greens. |
1.2025 |
0.05804 |
79 |
67 |
8 |
4 |
2465 |
i'm a vegetarian |
1.2025 |
0.04894 |
79 |
64 |
14 |
1 |
2466 |
I'd try to cut down on the carbs. |
1.2025 |
0.04550 |
79 |
63 |
16 |
0 |
2467 |
Now I'll need to remove a shoe and hear you cough |
1.2025 |
0.05804 |
79 |
67 |
8 |
4 |
2468 |
We found several items in your butt, including false teeth. |
1.2025 |
0.04894 |
79 |
64 |
14 |
1 |
2469 |
The tests indicate you’re a nut case. |
1.2025 |
0.05518 |
79 |
66 |
10 |
3 |
2470 |
So you're saying you have a spare arm in your butt? |
1.2025 |
0.05215 |
79 |
65 |
12 |
2 |
2471 |
I can't recommend that kind of peel. |
1.2025 |
0.05215 |
79 |
65 |
12 |
2 |
2472 |
All the tests are normal, but I'm worried about cognitive impairment. It says here you don't know your first name. |
1.2025 |
0.05518 |
79 |
66 |
10 |
3 |
2473 |
Your DNA test shows roots back to Peru. |
1.2025 |
0.05518 |
79 |
66 |
10 |
3 |
2474 |
So. I am counting 9 Prostheses including the Hat. |
1.2025 |
0.05518 |
79 |
66 |
10 |
3 |
2475 |
Looks like you'll have to cut back on the butter and sour cream. |
1.2025 |
0.05518 |
79 |
66 |
10 |
3 |
2476 |
So how often do you feel your arms have been dislocated? |
1.2024 |
0.05019 |
84 |
69 |
13 |
2 |
2477 |
Sir, I highly recommend we operate before they sprout. |
1.2024 |
0.04724 |
84 |
68 |
15 |
1 |
2478 |
Having two eyes is actually well below average. |
1.2024 |
0.04410 |
84 |
67 |
17 |
0 |
2479 |
I’ll trust your reflexes are fine. |
1.2024 |
0.04724 |
84 |
68 |
15 |
1 |
2480 |
You're in luck. You CAN get a plug-in member! |
1.2024 |
0.05019 |
84 |
69 |
13 |
2 |
2481 |
Any peanut allergies? |
1.2024 |
0.05019 |
84 |
69 |
13 |
2 |
2482 |
Just maybe switch to rice? |
1.2024 |
0.04724 |
84 |
68 |
15 |
1 |
2483 |
I'm afraid we'll have to ampotate. |
1.2024 |
0.05019 |
84 |
69 |
13 |
2 |
2484 |
In a jiffy--I've got a box of unused Mrs. Potato Head parts in the other room. |
1.2024 |
0.05019 |
84 |
69 |
13 |
2 |
2485 |
I need you to turn your head and cough. |
1.2024 |
0.05813 |
84 |
72 |
7 |
5 |
2486 |
I'm sorry to tell you, but you're past expiration. |
1.2024 |
0.05297 |
84 |
70 |
11 |
3 |
2487 |
Says here...so you don't want to end up like your great, great, great, grandson? |
1.2022 |
0.04570 |
89 |
72 |
16 |
1 |
2488 |
."I have a strange fear of cooking oil." |
1.2022 |
0.05099 |
89 |
74 |
12 |
3 |
2489 |
You blood test came back negative ...for blood. |
1.2022 |
0.04570 |
89 |
72 |
16 |
1 |
2490 |
You’ll need a different type of plastic surgeon. |
1.2022 |
0.04570 |
89 |
72 |
16 |
1 |
2491 |
Why don't your stretch your legs a little? |
1.2022 |
0.05343 |
89 |
75 |
10 |
4 |
2492 |
We've come to understand that their location is not clinically relevant. What's key is that you should have no more than two eyes. |
1.2022 |
0.05343 |
89 |
75 |
10 |
4 |
2493 |
Now I'm going to give you three words to remember, Mr. Dumpty. Sat. Wall. Fall." |
1.2022 |
0.05099 |
89 |
74 |
12 |
3 |
2494 |
I'm sorry, the news couldn't be worse: it's a fungus. |
1.2022 |
0.05099 |
89 |
74 |
12 |
3 |
2495 |
After the procedure you won't be able to have tots. |
1.2022 |
0.05343 |
89 |
75 |
10 |
4 |
2496 |
I warned you about eating too many carbs! |
1.2022 |
0.05099 |
89 |
74 |
12 |
3 |
2497 |
You have leprosy. |
1.2022 |
0.05801 |
89 |
77 |
6 |
6 |
2498 |
Doc, I know I'm overweight, but my shredded friends are not any happier. |
1.2022 |
0.04842 |
89 |
73 |
14 |
2 |
2499 |
A recent study showed that for people such as you an addition of sour cream could improve you greatly." |
1.2021 |
0.04920 |
94 |
78 |
13 |
3 |
2500 |
Would you prefer to be mashed or fried? |
1.2021 |
0.04920 |
94 |
78 |
13 |
3 |
2501 |
I know it’s a gross thought, Mr. Potato Head, but you are what you eat |
1.2021 |
0.05147 |
94 |
79 |
11 |
4 |
2502 |
Let’s talk carbs |
1.2021 |
0.04682 |
94 |
77 |
15 |
2 |
2503 |
I have the results of your tests. You've smoked so much marijuana that you're baked. |
1.2021 |
0.04920 |
94 |
78 |
13 |
3 |
2504 |
We can remove the mustache, but not the hat. |
1.2021 |
0.05147 |
94 |
79 |
11 |
4 |
2505 |
When did you start having this impulse to sit on walls? |
1.2020 |
0.04969 |
99 |
83 |
12 |
4 |
2506 |
Good news is, we found your glasses, bad news is where we found them. |
1.2019 |
0.04808 |
104 |
87 |
13 |
4 |
2507 |
Didn't we discuss cutting back on those carbs? |
1.2019 |
0.04998 |
104 |
88 |
11 |
5 |
2508 |
For you, plastic surgery will be relatively cheap. |
1.2018 |
0.04280 |
109 |
89 |
18 |
2 |
2509 |
I'm sorry but we still have yet to locate your missing ear from the surgery. |
1.2017 |
0.04711 |
119 |
101 |
12 |
6 |
2510 |
Legs are on back order. |
1.2000 |
0.04839 |
80 |
65 |
14 |
1 |
2511 |
Mr. Head, our tests confirm that you are, in fact, 96% enormous potato. |
1.2000 |
0.05369 |
75 |
62 |
11 |
2 |
2512 |
Really nothing to worry about. We'll be searching toy chests and dog excrement for the next few days. We're very optimistic." |
1.2000 |
0.05883 |
65 |
54 |
9 |
2 |
2513 |
Getting baked and loaded every night is no solution to being canceled. |
1.2000 |
0.05883 |
65 |
54 |
9 |
2 |
2514 |
I don’t suppose I could get you to switch to a sweet potatohead? |
1.2000 |
0.04389 |
95 |
77 |
17 |
1 |
2515 |
They aren't what you think. Stop trusting medical advice from YouTubers. |
1.2000 |
0.06003 |
75 |
64 |
7 |
4 |
2516 |
I think I need to recuse myself and see a psychiatrist. |
1.2000 |
0.05500 |
85 |
72 |
9 |
4 |
2517 |
Another nose job sure, but I’m not writing ‘Taylor Swift’ on your foot. |
1.2000 |
0.05695 |
75 |
63 |
9 |
3 |
2518 |
I’m going to recommend you see an eye doctor. |
1.2000 |
0.05454 |
80 |
67 |
10 |
3 |
2519 |
The most common complication is something we call a rearrangement. |
1.2000 |
0.04839 |
80 |
65 |
14 |
1 |
2520 |
Maybe you should change your face. |
1.2000 |
0.05500 |
85 |
72 |
9 |
4 |
2521 |
I can certainly write you a prescription for a larger hat. |
1.2000 |
0.05022 |
75 |
61 |
13 |
1 |
2522 |
No, sir, that is sprouting, not hemorrhoids. |
1.2000 |
0.05156 |
80 |
66 |
12 |
2 |
2523 |
I c |
1.2000 |
0.05239 |
85 |
71 |
11 |
3 |
2524 |
So, how do you think the no-carbs diet is going ? |
1.2000 |
0.04621 |
110 |
92 |
14 |
4 |
2525 |
You're not supposed to be able to see out of all those "eyes." You're fine. |
1.2000 |
0.05454 |
80 |
67 |
10 |
3 |
2526 |
Bad news, your insurance doesn't cover elective surgery. |
1.2000 |
0.05239 |
85 |
71 |
11 |
3 |
2527 |
Yes, you are organic. But that doesn’t mean you have functioning organs. |
1.2000 |
0.05228 |
70 |
57 |
12 |
1 |
2528 |
Before I tell you these results, I have to ask: Did you bring your frowny face? |
1.2000 |
0.05519 |
90 |
77 |
8 |
5 |
2529 |
Doc, I'm finding it hard to hold it together... |
1.2000 |
0.04965 |
85 |
70 |
13 |
2 |
2530 |
Actually, Russ we can do all the work ; nose, ears, eyes and eyebrows, today as an outpatient. |
1.2000 |
0.05883 |
65 |
54 |
9 |
2 |
2531 |
A tuber that identifies as a fruit? Wait 'til JK Rowling gets a load of this. |
1.2000 |
0.04872 |
95 |
79 |
13 |
3 |
2532 |
I see. Well, do you think you could bring it to your next appointment? |
1.2000 |
0.05737 |
80 |
68 |
8 |
4 |
2533 |
You've got WHAT in your butt? |
1.2000 |
0.05156 |
80 |
66 |
12 |
2 |
2534 |
Im' sorry, but the tests show you are definately baked. |
1.2000 |
0.04839 |
80 |
65 |
14 |
1 |
2535 |
So when was the last time Andy stole your nose? |
1.2000 |
0.04364 |
105 |
86 |
17 |
2 |
2536 |
We haven’t found the loose screw, but we’ve called proctologist to get to the bottom of this. |
1.2000 |
0.04793 |
90 |
74 |
14 |
2 |
2537 |
I’m sorry, it just wasn’t in the box. |
1.2000 |
0.05239 |
85 |
71 |
11 |
3 |
2538 |
Could you wear a better face for me? |
1.2000 |
0.04674 |
85 |
69 |
15 |
1 |
2539 |
Does mashed potatoes run in your family? |
1.2000 |
0.06625 |
70 |
61 |
4 |
5 |
2540 |
Lucky for you, all your features are easily removable and replaceable. |
1.2000 |
0.05097 |
95 |
80 |
11 |
4 |
2541 |
I'm recommending 450 degrees for 60 minutes. |
1.2000 |
0.05500 |
85 |
72 |
9 |
4 |
2542 |
You’re gonna need to spend less time on the couch and lay off the chips. |
1.2000 |
0.06279 |
65 |
55 |
7 |
3 |
2543 |
You’ll need to leave that eye with me for about a week. |
1.2000 |
0.04264 |
100 |
81 |
18 |
1 |
2544 |
Well, Mr P., in my opinion it’s all in your head. |
1.2000 |
0.05737 |
80 |
68 |
8 |
4 |
2545 |
It's more of a stabbing pain... |
1.2000 |
0.05500 |
85 |
72 |
9 |
4 |
2546 |
Lay off the fried foods. |
1.2000 |
0.05500 |
85 |
72 |
9 |
4 |
2547 |
I’m sorry sir but we also require a first name ? |
1.2000 |
0.06651 |
65 |
56 |
5 |
4 |
2548 |
Good news! These are definitely your salad years. |
1.2000 |
0.05156 |
80 |
66 |
12 |
2 |
2549 |
Th drug test results are clear. You're baked. |
1.2000 |
0.05737 |
80 |
68 |
8 |
4 |
2550 |
Come back in a week. If the bumps turn green and leafy, we’ll have to remove them. |
1.2000 |
0.04815 |
70 |
56 |
14 |
0 |
2551 |
I'm not sure you should be seeing a cardiologist |
1.2000 |
0.04714 |
100 |
83 |
14 |
3 |
2552 |
I’ll call you Mr. if you insist, but I really need a first name to put down on the form. |
1.2000 |
0.05047 |
90 |
75 |
12 |
3 |
2553 |
You have hypoactive testicles. |
1.2000 |
0.06198 |
60 |
50 |
8 |
2 |
2554 |
Let's start out with the patellar reflex test, shall we? |
1.1981 |
0.04724 |
106 |
89 |
13 |
4 |
2555 |
I’m recommending a second set of eyes. |
1.1981 |
0.04530 |
106 |
88 |
15 |
3 |
2556 |
The problem is with your fallopian tuber. |
1.1980 |
0.05269 |
101 |
87 |
8 |
6 |
2557 |
So how do you see your life in general? |
1.1980 |
0.03985 |
101 |
81 |
20 |
0 |
2558 |
We’re going to put you on a diet of chives, sour cream and shredded Colby Jack. |
1.1980 |
0.04226 |
101 |
82 |
18 |
1 |
2559 |
No, actually. You can't simply "take off" your cancerous growths. |
1.1979 |
0.04593 |
96 |
79 |
15 |
2 |
2560 |
We're going have to put you on a low carb diet. |
1.1979 |
0.04593 |
96 |
79 |
15 |
2 |
2561 |
This will be the easiest surgery yet to change the gender. |
1.1979 |
0.05048 |
96 |
81 |
11 |
4 |
2562 |
I prescribe sour cream and chives… |
1.1979 |
0.04826 |
96 |
80 |
13 |
3 |
2563 |
Your head is fine. It's your eyes I'm worried about. |
1.1979 |
0.04593 |
96 |
79 |
15 |
2 |
2564 |
You need to have your appendage removed. |
1.1978 |
0.05682 |
91 |
79 |
6 |
6 |
2565 |
No, I don't think that the hat makes you look ridiculous. |
1.1978 |
0.05234 |
91 |
77 |
10 |
4 |
2566 |
Your test results show an excess of starch in your diet. Add more protein, vitamins and minerals. |
1.1978 |
0.04745 |
91 |
75 |
14 |
2 |
2567 |
The good news is we got all the sprouts for now.
The bad news is they'll be back. |
1.1978 |
0.04745 |
91 |
75 |
14 |
2 |
2568 |
No walls for thirty days. |
1.1978 |
0.04996 |
91 |
76 |
12 |
3 |
2569 |
Your carbohydrate levels are as expected. |
1.1978 |
0.04745 |
91 |
75 |
14 |
2 |
2570 |
Your sugar level is too high. Eating a lot of carbs? |
1.1978 |
0.04745 |
91 |
75 |
14 |
2 |
2571 |
So you’re telling me you want an arm transplant, foot transplant, ear transplant, eye transplant, nose transplant, and a mouth transplant? |
1.1978 |
0.04996 |
91 |
76 |
12 |
3 |
2572 |
I accept that you're the focus of a game. It's the objective that I'm struggling with. |
1.1978 |
0.04996 |
91 |
76 |
12 |
3 |
2573 |
With the recent advances in 3D printing, medication isn’t the only option you have for a more fulfilling sex life. |
1.1977 |
0.05183 |
86 |
72 |
11 |
3 |
2574 |
I'm sorry - did you say you feel detached, or detachable? |
1.1977 |
0.05183 |
86 |
72 |
11 |
3 |
2575 |
You need to be prepared. |
1.1977 |
0.05183 |
86 |
72 |
11 |
3 |
2576 |
Yes, in men your age, it can often swell, often to three times the size of a walnut. But in your case, I definitely recommend we have a few things tested. |
1.1977 |
0.05183 |
86 |
72 |
11 |
3 |
2577 |
I'm sorry sir, we can't x-ray your broken foot. The radiation will cook you. |
1.1977 |
0.05183 |
86 |
72 |
11 |
3 |
2578 |
The good news is you won’t be needing the vasectomy. |
1.1977 |
0.05687 |
86 |
74 |
7 |
5 |
2579 |
I don’t think your all-starch diet is helping. |
1.1977 |
0.05183 |
86 |
72 |
11 |
3 |
2580 |
Mr. Potato, having no legs or neck puts you at a disadvantage crossing streets. |
1.1977 |
0.05183 |
86 |
72 |
11 |
3 |
2581 |
It's understandable that you feel congested. You're a potato head! |
1.1977 |
0.04912 |
86 |
71 |
13 |
2 |
2582 |
Well...it seems that things have come to a head. |
1.1977 |
0.04912 |
86 |
71 |
13 |
2 |
2583 |
If you just get off the couch I wouldn’t have to prescribe Ozempic |
1.1977 |
0.05183 |
86 |
72 |
11 |
3 |
2584 |
Your arm replacement went smoothly |
1.1977 |
0.04625 |
86 |
70 |
15 |
1 |
2585 |
I want to remove your nose and put on a smaller one. |
1.1977 |
0.04912 |
86 |
71 |
13 |
2 |
2586 |
Please turn your head and cough |
1.1977 |
0.05183 |
86 |
72 |
11 |
3 |
2587 |
I need to run a few more tests, but it appears you have a potato stuck up your ass. |
1.1977 |
0.05441 |
86 |
73 |
9 |
4 |
2588 |
You say Po-TAY-to. I say it's terminal. |
1.1975 |
0.05937 |
81 |
70 |
6 |
5 |
2589 |
Unfortunately, we don't cover detaching body part syndrome, but we can refer you to Home Depot for some superglue |
1.1975 |
0.05392 |
81 |
68 |
10 |
3 |
2590 |
So you decline to state your sex? |
1.1975 |
0.05671 |
81 |
69 |
8 |
4 |
2591 |
Well Mr. Head it’s time for me to examine your storage container again… |
1.1975 |
0.05392 |
81 |
68 |
10 |
3 |
2592 |
So just how long have you been feeling empty inside? |
1.1975 |
0.05392 |
81 |
68 |
10 |
3 |
2593 |
You'd feel more comfortable being examined by another potato? |
1.1975 |
0.05392 |
81 |
68 |
10 |
3 |
2594 |
Good news, you will never need a screening colonoscopy. |
1.1975 |
0.05392 |
81 |
68 |
10 |
3 |
2595 |
It says here your biggest fears are ketchup and ranch dip. |
1.1975 |
0.05098 |
81 |
67 |
12 |
2 |
2596 |
Yeah, it might be easier if you just take it off and show me. |
1.1975 |
0.05098 |
81 |
67 |
12 |
2 |
2597 |
Please remove your eyes, ears, feet, and arms, and put on the robe open to the back. |
1.1975 |
0.05392 |
81 |
68 |
10 |
3 |
2598 |
We can’t trace your family tree. |
1.1975 |
0.05098 |
81 |
67 |
12 |
2 |
2599 |
Your eyes are ?, you’re too big to bake , your major risk is frying |
1.1975 |
0.05392 |
81 |
68 |
10 |
3 |
2600 |
You may suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous misfortune but you're basically healthy. |
1.1975 |
0.05098 |
81 |
67 |
12 |
2 |
2601 |
You really need to cut out the carbs |
1.1975 |
0.05392 |
81 |
68 |
10 |
3 |
2602 |
Are you stoned? You look pretty baked. |
1.1974 |
0.05305 |
76 |
63 |
11 |
2 |
2603 |
I'm going to recommend that you keep your eyes, ears, nose and so on in their proper slots for thirty days and then come back in for a follow-up. |
1.1974 |
0.05626 |
76 |
64 |
9 |
3 |
2604 |
Are you happy with your plastic surgery? |
1.1974 |
0.04596 |
76 |
61 |
15 |
0 |
2605 |
Are thoughts about blight interfering with your work or relationships? |
1.1974 |
0.05305 |
76 |
63 |
11 |
2 |
2606 |
Well, I see all your parts are in the right place. |
1.1974 |
0.04963 |
76 |
62 |
13 |
1 |
2607 |
Be sure to avoid direct sunlight as you are already half baked. |
1.1974 |
0.04963 |
76 |
62 |
13 |
1 |
2608 |
Is Mrs. Potato Head aware you have other personalities that you keep inside of you? |
1.1974 |
0.05626 |
76 |
64 |
9 |
3 |
2609 |
So how long have you not been “peeling” well? |
1.1974 |
0.04963 |
76 |
62 |
13 |
1 |
2610 |
Don’t worry. It’s all in your head. |
1.1974 |
0.04963 |
76 |
62 |
13 |
1 |
2611 |
You don't look like you're peeling well |
1.1974 |
0.05929 |
76 |
65 |
7 |
4 |
2612 |
The good news is that the transplant procedure is very simple. The bad news is that the parts have been on backorder for 9 months already. |
1.1972 |
0.05537 |
71 |
59 |
10 |
2 |
2613 |
Your x-ray reveals a small chip on your shoulder. |
1.1972 |
0.05161 |
71 |
58 |
12 |
1 |
2614 |
We need to cut down the starch in your diet. |
1.1972 |
0.05537 |
71 |
59 |
10 |
2 |
2615 |
I’m sorry to inform you sir, but you are suffering from obsolete toy syndrome. |
1.1972 |
0.05161 |
71 |
58 |
12 |
1 |
2616 |
You have a little too much starch in your body.
Nice stache though. |
1.1972 |
0.05161 |
71 |
58 |
12 |
1 |
2617 |
I’m afraid, Mr. Potato, that skin’s going to peel. |
1.1972 |
0.05537 |
71 |
59 |
10 |
2 |
2618 |
I think your nose reduction procedure will be straightforward. |
1.1972 |
0.04755 |
71 |
57 |
14 |
0 |
2619 |
I’m not a proctologist, but if you turn over I can retrieve your hidden body parts for you.” |
1.1972 |
0.05161 |
71 |
58 |
12 |
1 |
2620 |
It says here that your symptoms of anxiety intensify in November. |
1.1972 |
0.04755 |
71 |
57 |
14 |
0 |
2621 |
'Well Mr Dumpty stay out of hot water and please don't sit on any walls!" |
1.1972 |
0.06537 |
71 |
62 |
4 |
5 |
2622 |
Lotta potatoes your age have trouble sprouting |
1.1972 |
0.05537 |
71 |
59 |
10 |
2 |
2623 |
The Organ Donor Program doesn’t get a lot of requests for ears or mustaches. |
1.1972 |
0.05537 |
71 |
59 |
10 |
2 |
2624 |
Says here you're only insured for ear and nose work. |
1.1972 |
0.05161 |
71 |
58 |
12 |
1 |
2625 |
Please turn your head and…oh, never mind. |
1.1970 |
0.05385 |
66 |
54 |
11 |
1 |
2626 |
Take some sour cream, chives and bacon bits and call me in the morning. |
1.1970 |
0.05802 |
66 |
55 |
9 |
2 |
2627 |
So, how do you let off a little steam? |
1.1964 |
0.03979 |
112 |
91 |
20 |
1 |
2628 |
Let's get to the root of your problem |
1.1961 |
0.05031 |
102 |
87 |
10 |
5 |
2629 |
How did you get here? |
1.1961 |
0.04629 |
102 |
85 |
14 |
3 |
2630 |
I’m going to have to refer you to a therapist, it’s in the head. |
1.1961 |
0.04835 |
102 |
86 |
12 |
4 |
2631 |
Your labs came back. I'm afraid your sour cream and chive levels are through the roof. |
1.1959 |
0.04780 |
97 |
81 |
13 |
3 |
2632 |
I'm afraid it's tuber-culous |
1.1959 |
0.04308 |
97 |
79 |
17 |
1 |
2633 |
Any family history of eye problems? |
1.1959 |
0.04780 |
97 |
81 |
13 |
3 |
2634 |
I'm sorry, it's terminal. |
1.1959 |
0.05000 |
97 |
82 |
11 |
4 |
2635 |
According to this you have eyes in the back of your head. |
1.1959 |
0.04550 |
97 |
80 |
15 |
2 |
2636 |
It's just your age. From now on, I don't want you doing anything spud-taneously |
1.1957 |
0.05407 |
92 |
79 |
8 |
5 |
2637 |
You know it's just an expression, right? We don't literally do that. |
1.1957 |
0.04698 |
92 |
76 |
14 |
2 |
2638 |
Skin growths are a normal part of growing older. |
1.1957 |
0.04946 |
92 |
77 |
12 |
3 |
2639 |
We’re well beyond just knee and hip replacement nowadays. |
1.1957 |
0.05182 |
92 |
78 |
10 |
4 |
2640 |
Only two eyes cause your tunnel vision! |
1.1957 |
0.04946 |
92 |
77 |
12 |
3 |
2641 |
Yes, it may cost you an arm and a leg, but you really need the surgery. |
1.1957 |
0.05182 |
92 |
78 |
10 |
4 |
2642 |
Tell me about your carb intake |
1.1957 |
0.05182 |
92 |
78 |
10 |
4 |
2643 |
You don't need glasses, you need knees |
1.1954 |
0.04861 |
87 |
72 |
13 |
2 |
2644 |
For a 71-year-old, you're in great shape. |
1.1954 |
0.05128 |
87 |
73 |
11 |
3 |
2645 |
Yes, Mr.Potato Head, as I've told you countless times before," you are gluten free. |
1.1954 |
0.05128 |
87 |
73 |
11 |
3 |
2646 |
We will have to cut you open, but that’ll allow the recipe to work. |
1.1954 |
0.04276 |
87 |
70 |
17 |
0 |
2647 |
A rhinoplasty would be quick, but I think it'd still leave you feeling hollow. |
1.1954 |
0.05128 |
87 |
73 |
11 |
3 |
2648 |
Your inseam measurement has me concerned about your growth projections. |
1.1954 |
0.05383 |
87 |
74 |
9 |
4 |
2649 |
Without proper diet and exercise you're likely to end up all crinkeled |
1.1954 |
0.04578 |
87 |
71 |
15 |
1 |
2650 |
The test confirms that you have, in fact, gone pear-shaped. |
1.1954 |
0.04861 |
87 |
72 |
13 |
2 |
2651 |
Hmmm... could be the starch |
1.1954 |
0.04861 |
87 |
72 |
13 |
2 |
2652 |
I'm happy to hear that you're feeling butter. |
1.1954 |
0.05128 |
87 |
73 |
11 |
3 |
2653 |
How's your balance these days? |
1.1954 |
0.04578 |
87 |
71 |
15 |
1 |
2654 |
Mr. Potato Head, our genetic tests indicate you are actually a pear. |
1.1954 |
0.05128 |
87 |
73 |
11 |
3 |
2655 |
Too many carbs, you see. |
1.1954 |
0.04578 |
87 |
71 |
15 |
1 |
2656 |
You need to cut back on the carbs, Mr. Head. |
1.1954 |
0.05383 |
87 |
74 |
9 |
4 |
2657 |
I frankly think all your professed medical issues are really just in your head. |
1.1954 |
0.05626 |
87 |
75 |
7 |
5 |
2658 |
Well yes, I'm a urologist, but... |
1.1954 |
0.05128 |
87 |
73 |
11 |
3 |
2659 |
I'll need to remove an ear. |
1.1951 |
0.05041 |
82 |
68 |
12 |
2 |
2660 |
Sorry, ear-and-nose transposition surgery isn't covered by your insurance. |
1.1951 |
0.05331 |
82 |
69 |
10 |
3 |
2661 |
It says that after a night with an Easy Bake you felt a burning sensation... |
1.1951 |
0.05041 |
82 |
68 |
12 |
2 |
2662 |
Changing your body to one you identify with should be this simple for everyone. |
1.1951 |
0.05041 |
82 |
68 |
12 |
2 |
2663 |
So, you want to be affirmed as Mrs. Potato head? |
1.1951 |
0.05041 |
82 |
68 |
12 |
2 |
2664 |
The kid keeps telling me I need glasses. |
1.1951 |
0.05331 |
82 |
69 |
10 |
3 |
2665 |
Now, how long have you been feeling these stabbing pains? |
1.1951 |
0.04733 |
82 |
67 |
14 |
1 |
2666 |
Now, now Mr. Head, no need for you to be coming to pieces |
1.1951 |
0.05041 |
82 |
68 |
12 |
2 |
2667 |
I'm sorry we won't be able to lengthen your legs, but we can transplant an ear to an eye socket if you like? |
1.1951 |
0.04403 |
82 |
66 |
16 |
0 |
2668 |
There's a WHAT up your ass? |
1.1951 |
0.05331 |
82 |
69 |
10 |
3 |
2669 |
Approximately how often are you 'baked', Mr. Spud? |
1.1951 |
0.05041 |
82 |
68 |
12 |
2 |
2670 |
Actually the procedure will only take a few seconds. |
1.1951 |
0.05041 |
82 |
68 |
12 |
2 |
2671 |
You have to avoid all starches, including Mrs.Potatohead. |
1.1951 |
0.05331 |
82 |
69 |
10 |
3 |
2672 |
Preferred pronoun? |
1.1951 |
0.05607 |
82 |
70 |
8 |
4 |
2673 |
The operation was successful, your facial features have been restored, and we used Krazy Glue to protect you from sadistic 3-year olds. |
1.1948 |
0.05558 |
77 |
65 |
9 |
3 |
2674 |
It seems the X-rays revealed two spare mouths and an old Mardi Gras necklace. |
1.1948 |
0.05558 |
77 |
65 |
9 |
3 |
2675 |
When did you first have the feeling that your head was WAY TOO BIG for the rest of your body? |
1.1948 |
0.04905 |
77 |
63 |
13 |
1 |
2676 |
You need more exercise. |
1.1948 |
0.05242 |
77 |
64 |
11 |
2 |
2677 |
Hmm...in your case it might all be brown fat |
1.1948 |
0.05242 |
77 |
64 |
11 |
2 |
2678 |
And how long have you been a giant potato? |
1.1948 |
0.05242 |
77 |
64 |
11 |
2 |
2679 |
Your health looks OK, but I'm afraid the knee replacement is out. |
1.1948 |
0.04905 |
77 |
63 |
13 |
1 |
2680 |
So you're saying you haven't gained weight? It's just the shoes and the hat? And the arms and the nose and the mouth and the mustache and the ears and the eyes and the eyebrows? |
1.1948 |
0.05242 |
77 |
64 |
11 |
2 |
2681 |
You say your wife frittered away with a fry cook? |
1.1948 |
0.05558 |
77 |
65 |
9 |
3 |
2682 |
I'm sorry to report that your body is rejecting your new hat" |
1.1948 |
0.04905 |
77 |
63 |
13 |
1 |
2683 |
On average, how many days a week have you been getting baked? |
1.1948 |
0.04543 |
77 |
62 |
15 |
0 |
2684 |
I'll be honest, I'm worried about the weight Steve...you need to find your inner French fry. |
1.1948 |
0.05558 |
77 |
65 |
9 |
3 |
2685 |
BIG BMI and Small brain ! |
1.1948 |
0.05242 |
77 |