Contest #873


Cartoon

873


Name Value
Submission deadline -
Voting started -
Voting ended -
Finalists announced -
Magazine(s) announcing finalists issued -
Number of captions 5612
Number of responses 669650
Number of participants -


Dashboard

In this table, the "mean" means the empirically measured average funniness score when the "unfunny", "somewhat funny" and "funny" receive a funniness score of 1, 2, 3 respectively. "Precison" is the standard error of the mean, the standard deviation of the mean estimate. With that, a caption with an empirical mean μ and precision σ has true mean in the range [μ - 2σ, μ + 2σ] with 95% probability by the 68-95-99.7 rule assuming the responses are indepedent and identically distributed.

Rank Caption Mean Precision Total votes "Unfunny" votes "Somewhat funny" votes "Funny" votes
0 Congratulations. We've found millions of compatible donors. 1.7939 0.01875 1718 732 608 378
1 You might want to put on your surprised eyebrows for what I’m about to say. 1.7816 0.01377 3453 1590 1027 836
2 What is your level of pain? Six-potato, seven-potato, eight-potato, more? 1.7709 0.01961 1750 835 481 434
3 At your age, just be thankful you still have all your original parts. 1.7590 0.01510 2610 1167 905 538
4 You're in good hands. He's in 4th grade and has performed hundreds of these surgeries since kindergarden 1.7506 0.01543 2634 1236 819 579
5 So is it Mr. Potāto, or Mr. Potäto? 1.7480 0.01557 2579 1213 803 563
6 A bit less time on the couch, perhaps. 1.7391 0.01558 2507 1175 811 521
7 Have you tried pulling it out and putting it back in? 1.7388 0.01559 2577 1231 788 558
8 Yes sir, we can schedule you for the nose job. But it’ll cost you an arm and a leg. 1.7366 0.01874 1758 835 551 372
9 It doesn't look good, I'm afraid. You have a tuber. 1.7359 0.01953 1613 765 509 339
10 Your bloodwork is back. I’ve never seen this before - it just says, “Needs salt.” 1.7312 0.01774 1968 945 607 416
11 Correct, Mr. Tater, tying your tubers means no more tots. 1.7210 0.01616 2556 1309 651 596
12 Well in my experience these things don't just fall off. 1.7157 0.01570 2385 1136 791 458
13 We'll have to do more tests, but it appears you're in a vegetative state. 1.7118 0.01704 2085 1018 650 417
14 ''We can rule out your neck.'' 1.7076 0.01538 2534 1238 799 497
15 The problem appears to be all in your head. 1.7039 0.01504 2641 1295 833 513
16 No more butter, sour cream, bacon, cheese or salt. 1.7031 0.01570 2482 1237 745 500
17 When was the last time you had your eyes replaced? 1.7030 0.01865 1596 750 570 276
18 Do you spend much time on your couch? 1.6994 0.01871 1700 838 535 327
19 I keep telling you, french fries will be the death of you. 1.6885 0.01629 2363 1223 653 487
20 It’s all in your head. 1.6876 0.01453 2804 1405 870 529
21 Second opinion? I think you're delicious. 1.6865 0.02127 1314 661 404 249
22 So how are the tots doing? 1.6821 0.01458 2812 1429 848 535
23 Good news: I believe we can just turn that frown upside down 1.6753 0.01812 1669 816 579 274
24 Don’t worry. This surgery is child’s play. 1.6693 0.01776 1624 773 615 236
25 Initial test results from the colonoscopy indicate we have located your glasses, your angry eyes, and your wife's purse. 1.6652 0.01853 1822 977 478 367
26 Stay away from the butter, sour cream and chives and you'll live a lot longer 1.6600 0.01965 1450 736 471 243
27 Let's pull off a shoe and check your prostate. 1.6592 0.02072 1385 728 401 256
28 You skipped the end-of-life directive. What'll it be pal? French, Scalloped, or Mashed? 1.6554 0.01959 1544 815 446 283
29 In your case, smoking pot and getting baked has very different consequences. 1.6539 0.01869 1670 876 496 298
30 Your cholesterol is fine, but your starch level is off the charts. 1.6507 0.01797 1709 874 558 277
31 This procedure will stop you from having tots. 1.6476 0.01712 2131 1173 536 422
32 Luckily, you're a great candidate for a transplant. 1.6470 0.01724 1847 948 603 296
33 According to your chart you can literally turn that frown upside down 1.6461 0.02134 1229 638 388 203
34 My god, Larry, has no one ever told you that you are what you eat? 1.6419 0.01731 1966 1057 556 353
35 Your potassium is a little high. 1.6330 0.01813 1564 794 550 220
36 This procedure usually involves long, complex plastic surgery. But in your case, I could give you a completely new nose in under a minute. 1.6296 0.01814 1582 813 542 227
37 Normally a full facial reconstruction is an arduous procedure but in your case…. 1.6250 0.01832 1512 773 533 206
38 I know you're *Mr.* Potato Head, but the toy company just never made the part you're inquiring about. I'm sorry. 1.6250 0.01996 1496 831 395 270
39 And where, exactly, are you feeling this headache? 1.6232 0.02000 1457 802 402 253
40 We’ll change out a few parts and you’ll be a new man. 1.6229 0.01925 1379 710 479 190
41 You look good for a man in your shape. 1.6185 0.01939 1342 692 470 180
42 We're transferring you to MASH. 1.6158 0.02185 1140 613 352 175
43 Stop stressing. Losing body parts is just part of the aging process. 1.6154 0.01985 1269 655 447 167
44 We’ve run the DNA, Mr P. The tots are yours. 1.6143 0.02069 1501 883 314 304
45 The x-rays revealed 2 pairs of shoes, 3 hats, and what appears to be an extra nose. 1.6141 0.02083 1244 668 388 188
46 How long have you been peeling like this? 1.6107 0.02068 1220 648 399 173
47 Your plastic surgery looks like it was done by a kindergartner. 1.6011 0.02240 1078 592 324 162
48 When did you first notice your knee problem? 1.5998 0.02567 832 461 243 128
49 I’m afraid it’s a tuber. 1.5996 0.02311 1079 613 285 181
50 We have to remove everything. 1.5986 0.02309 1009 555 304 150
51 You may want to put on your surprised eyebrows for this 1.5888 0.02499 980 584 215 181
52 So I’m just going to pop that ear out and have a look 1.5878 0.02335 997 561 286 150
53 And you say it just fell off? 1.5870 0.02313 1000 559 295 146
54 Besides the persistent vegetative state, everything else looks good. 1.5862 0.02363 1003 574 270 159
55 Apparently the kit does not include ALL the desired body parts... 1.5852 0.02532 904 527 225 152
56 If your sugars get any higher you will be a sweet potato. 1.5844 0.02510 883 505 240 138
57 According to your chart, I haven't seen you since I was ten. 1.5819 0.02770 830 510 157 163
58 You appear to have a detachment disorder. 1.5806 0.02519 868 497 238 133
59 The good news is that from the neck up you are fine; the bad news is that we cannot find the rest of you. 1.5806 0.02558 825 468 235 122
60 Your DNA results... You are definitely not Irish but you do have deep roots in Idaho. 1.5800 0.02459 881 497 257 127
61 Remember, just because something fits into an orifice doesn’t mean it should. 1.5781 0.02561 922 555 201 166
62 For nose jobs, I send all my patients to Alison in Mrs. Armstrong's kindergarten class. 1.5747 0.02549 837 481 231 125
63 It may be tuberculous. 1.5742 0.02571 862 507 215 140
64 The only diagnosis I can come up with is half-baked. 1.5739 0.02531 873 509 227 137
65 Idaho, huh? Heard that’s a beautiful state. 1.5700 0.02729 721 415 201 105
66 I want you to apply sour cream at mealtime. 1.5680 0.02560 838 489 222 127
67 As I thought, it's terminal. What do you wish us to do with your remains? Chips? Fries? Vodka? 1.5637 0.02733 793 483 173 137
68 Good news. Your tuber is benign. 1.5601 0.02763 741 444 179 118
69 Try a different nose for the congestion. 1.5592 0.02734 735 435 189 111
70 It appears it's all in your head. 1.5588 0.02840 655 381 182 92
71 I'm worried about your potassium level. 1.5584 0.02825 634 362 190 82
72 Would you be open to plastic inserts? 1.5561 0.02797 624 352 197 75
73 Great news. Your gender reassignment surgery will be a breeze. 1.5559 0.02764 725 433 181 111
74 The operation will take about three seconds. 1.5526 0.02804 646 373 189 84
75 No need to be alarmed, it's just a sprout. 1.5519 0.02834 645 376 182 87
76 Welcome to your new life in Witness Protection 1.5509 0.02899 648 387 165 96
77 I've never had a patient with such a morbid fear of sour cream. 1.5508 0.02912 581 332 178 71
78 In layman's terms, you're a couch potato. 1.5494 0.02816 668 395 179 94
79 No worries. These days people will understand if you want to become Mrs. Potato Head. 1.5491 0.02753 703 417 186 100
80 My advice is to stay away from mayonnaise, mustard, celery, green peppers, and sliced eggs 1.5453 0.02887 607 354 175 78
81 Just tell me how you got up there. 1.5443 0.02941 610 363 162 85
82 First, how did you get up on the examination table? 1.5430 0.02856 639 379 173 87
83 Are you sure this is your first plastic surgery? 1.5421 0.02808 605 346 190 69
84 Get plenty of rest and stay in a cool, dark cellar. 1.5398 0.02888 591 344 175 72
85 I suggest you quit while you're a head. 1.5392 0.03051 612 380 134 98
86 Viagra won’t help. The only thing I can suggest is that you keep looking around until you find it. 1.5392 0.03212 549 340 122 87
87 You Tuber? 1.5383 0.03137 509 299 146 64
88 It's a simple procedure, if we can find a right ear donor. 1.5378 0.03054 569 343 146 80
89 Fortunately for you, I did my residency at the Mayo Clinic. 1.5363 0.03024 619 385 136 98
90 From my assessment, it looks like you really need to get off the couch more often. 1.5354 0.02878 594 348 174 72
91 Now, how much time do you spend on the couch? 1.5331 0.02838 619 366 176 77
92 Now, let's see if we can turn that frown upside down. 1.5328 0.02897 610 365 165 80
93 Now what’s this about having eyes in the back of your head? 1.5296 0.03106 557 342 135 80
94 If you could please remove your hat and eyes, we can take a look. 1.5294 0.03047 510 297 156 57
95 Ireland? Really? Of all the places in the world you want to go to Ireland? 1.5288 0.03201 469 275 140 54
96 So what brings you to the Mayo Clinic? 1.5285 0.03832 386 243 82 61
97 As we suspected, it’s a tuber. 1.5272 0.03212 514 315 127 72
98 the good news is that we have lots of replacement parts! 1.5269 0.03114 520 312 142 66
99 You might want to put your sad eyes on for this... 1.5258 0.03030 542 324 151 67
100 Good news. Your abdominal scan showed nothing. 1.5219 0.03093 548 337 136 75
101 It says here that you have a fear of frying. 1.5211 0.04396 261 158 70 33
102 I’m glad to see you gave up the pipe. 1.5202 0.03135 494 295 141 58
103 The good news is that we can complete the sex change operation in about a minute 1.5193 0.03268 493 305 120 68
104 I think we can give you a new nose without too much trouble. 1.5190 0.03046 499 293 153 53
105 Just for fun, I'd like to run some tests putting your ears where your eyes go and turning your nose upside down 1.5187 0.03273 509 320 114 75
106 So, how's the knee? 1.5164 0.03216 488 298 128 62
107 The problem seems to be all in your head. 1.5154 0.03285 456 276 125 55
108 Good news The prostate exam found nothing. Absolutely nothing. 1.5135 0.04253 296 186 68 42
109 Unfortunately, the copay is an arm and a leg. 1.5132 0.03383 454 282 111 61
110 Have you checked under the couch? 1.5102 0.03520 392 238 108 46
111 We're going to have to just push it back in and hope it stays on. 1.5099 0.03679 353 213 100 40
112 II’m afraid it is tuberculosis 1.5096 0.03277 471 291 120 60
113 Frankly, it's all in your head 1.5095 0.03270 475 294 120 61
114 It’s simple. We take the old one out, and put a new one in. 1.5094 0.03405 424 259 114 51
115 Well we typically don’t recommend such frequent facial reconstruction 1.5094 0.03144 481 290 137 54
116 If it falls off again, don’t panic. 1.5090 0.03363 442 272 115 55
117 It’s the blight. If there’s been anyone other than the Mrs. you should notify them. 1.5081 0.03601 372 226 103 43
118 There's no easy way to say this, but the tuber has spread throughout your entire body. 1.5079 0.03373 443 274 113 56
119 As long as you keep your eyes peeled, you won't need glasses 1.5069 0.03620 432 281 83 68
120 Let's pop out those eyes and have a look, shall we? 1.5067 0.03588 446 292 82 72
121 Says here you're from Maine. I would have guessed Idaho. 1.5046 0.03250 434 260 129 45
122 Your carbohydrates are complex. 1.5036 0.03364 411 248 119 44
123 Touching your toes is not enough exercise. 1.5012 0.03689 401 259 83 59
124 On the plus side, most of your parts can be replaced. 1.5012 0.03410 415 255 112 48
125 We have you scheduled for rearrangement on Thursday. 1.5000 0.03387 386 230 119 37
126 You have a 102 degree fever, sir; what we call a hot potato. 1.4980 0.04300 255 156 71 28
127 A vasectomy will prevent you from having tater tots. 1.4941 0.03420 427 269 105 53
128 All the results were good. But I'd like to send you for a microwave. 1.4934 0.03644 377 238 92 47
129 It's the carbs. 1.4922 0.03556 384 240 99 45
130 So, Mr. Head, how long have you had this fear of frying? 1.4908 0.03691 381 245 85 51
131 Cute. But I need more specifics than "I yam how I yam." 1.4894 0.03592 376 236 96 44
132 I’m not sure if turning you into Mrs. Potato Head is legal in Florida.” 1.4852 0.03899 371 249 64 58
133 We do need a first name. 1.4846 0.03848 324 204 83 37
134 But you DO have eyes in back of your head! 1.4846 0.03897 324 206 79 39
135 And substances? How often do you get "baked?" 1.4828 0.03417 408 257 105 46
136 What do you mean when you say you feel “empty inside?” 1.4817 0.03812 328 207 84 37
137 You’re not going to like my attachable glove. 1.4793 0.04256 338 237 40 61
138 We’ve talked about this; I can get you new ears anytime, but only in pink. 1.4783 0.03718 345 219 87 39
139 Gender affirming treatment, in your case, is relatively straightforward. I'll go get the parts out of my toy box. 1.4772 0.04016 329 218 65 46
140 Well I think we can rule out the prostate. 1.4767 0.03812 365 242 72 51
141 I don't give this advice to many other patients, but with a couple pounds of butter and a few pounds of bacon, you'll be just right. 1.4762 0.03669 357 228 88 41
142 You’re spending to much time on the couch.” 1.4759 0.03807 353 231 76 46
143 Great news, you're in top shape. The missus and I would like to have you for dinner. 1.4742 0.04139 291 189 66 36
144 And it just pops right off? 1.4738 0.03862 325 209 78 38
145 You have an STD. Seems that lady potato you were with last week was an I-da-ho. 1.4737 0.04007 342 231 60 51
146 You definitely need to get off the couch more often. 1.4737 0.03442 361 222 107 32
147 It appears there’s too much starch in your diet. 1.4732 0.03861 336 219 75 42
148 Please remove your shoes and eyes. 1.4728 0.03618 349 220 93 36
149 To summarize, you are having difficulty getting yourself back together. 1.4726 0.03835 328 211 79 38
150 I'm afraid it's a brain tuber. 1.4720 0.03857 339 222 74 43
151 Your problems are all in your head. 1.4713 0.03974 331 220 66 45
152 Mr. PoTAYto or PoTAHto? 1.4708 0.03898 342 227 69 46
153 It's just a head cold. 1.4697 0.03719 330 209 87 34
154 I see that you declined knee replacement surgery. 1.4691 0.03967 324 214 68 42
155 So, tell me about this position McDonald's offered you. 1.4677 0.03920 310 200 75 35
156 Your test results came back - your vitamin C is good, your potassium is good, your carbs are a little high... 1.4659 0.03594 352 224 92 36
157 I can refer you to an excellent six year old. 1.4658 0.03708 322 203 88 31
158 Now pass me your ears and we'll check your hearing. 1.4658 0.04097 292 191 66 35
159 The x-ray shows you’ll be a vegetable for the rest of your life. 1.4656 0.04028 320 214 63 43
160 I'm not peeling well 1.4655 0.03862 333 219 73 41
161 Congratulations! You've been voted Speaker of the House. 1.4644 0.04367 295 204 45 46
162 When did you first notice that your body parts are, as you say, “interchangeable”? 1.4642 0.03690 321 202 89 30
163 In your case, gender reassignment consists primarily in removing the mustache. 1.4641 0.04010 306 201 68 37
164 Well, that depends on how you define "vegetative state". 1.4640 0.04063 278 178 71 29
165 The bad news: your eyes are failing. The good news: you can grow more. 1.4635 0.03846 315 203 78 34
166 Sprouting is normal at your age, just keep the hat on 1.4633 0.03784 313 199 83 31
167 More Bad news, it looks like your beginning to sprout! 1.4627 0.04305 268 177 58 33
168 I think it's all in your head 1.4623 0.04125 292 193 63 36
169 I replace knees. I don’t add knees. 1.4604 0.03832 328 215 75 38
170 Okay, now I just need you to remove your accessories and put on a gown. 1.4601 0.03725 326 209 84 33
171 How frequently is it that you find your eyes in your ears? 1.4598 0.03908 311 203 73 35
172 Turns out, it’s all in your head. 1.4596 0.04094 272 175 69 28
173 I know how to put a smile back on your face. 1.4589 0.04152 292 195 60 37
174 I’m referring you to a plastic surgeon. 1.4585 0.04058 301 200 64 37
175 I can only tell you one thing: avoid very hot places in France. 1.4582 0.04023 299 197 67 35
176 So, your chart says you're not peeling well? 1.4561 0.03790 296 187 83 26
177 Please remove your nose. 1.4560 0.03738 318 204 83 31
178 We ran the paternity test- the tater tots are definitely yours 1.4557 0.04017 305 203 65 37
179 Unfortunately the scans do show a tuber. 1.4555 0.04274 281 190 54 37
180 You should get off the couch more. 1.4545 0.03790 341 227 73 41
181 And for your Advanced Directive, mashed, boiled, or double-baked? 1.4545 0.04014 308 206 64 38
182 The good news is you’re a benign tuber. 1.4543 0.03928 317 211 68 38
183 I strongly suggest you avoid sour cream, chives and bacon bits. 1.4539 0.03937 293 190 73 30
184 It appears to be all in your head. 1.4533 0.04240 289 197 53 39
185 You might want to put your worried face on for this, Mr Potato Head... 1.4527 0.04108 296 199 60 37
186 Could you remove your hat and shoes please? And your eyes and ears and nose and mouth. 1.4526 0.04108 285 189 63 33
187 Mr. Head, I'm referring you for a game called 'Operation.' 1.4508 0.04236 244 157 64 23
188 So we don't have that part in stock, but I can order it for you. 1.4508 0.04315 244 159 60 25
189 Your feelings of paranoia are completely justified. There's a lot of eyes on you. 1.4505 0.03876 293 189 76 28
190 I’m afraid you’ll never be able to have tots. 1.4505 0.04053 293 195 64 34
191 Stay away from cooking oil, butter, sour cream, and spend less time on the couch. 1.4498 0.04295 289 200 48 41
192 Please remove your hat. And nose. And ears. 1.4498 0.03975 289 189 70 30
193 Well sir, we found you a donor. There’s a kid having a garage sale in New Jersey. 1.4498 0.04438 249 167 52 30
194 Very sorry, Mr. Potato. Your insurer didn't approve the new features for you 1.4498 0.04213 249 161 64 24
195 I have some half-baked ideas of what’s wrong with you and if we let the chips fall where they may, I think we can boil down to the problem. 1.4494 0.04180 267 176 62 29
196 Well, I guess that's what makes the difference between a stud and a spud. 1.4489 0.03870 352 243 60 49
197 It’s perfectly normal to feel sore after body parts are pushed into your head. 1.4476 0.04005 286 188 68 30
198 Please remove your jacket. 1.4472 0.04025 284 187 67 30
199 I'm prescribing 350º for 2 hours. 1.4472 0.03963 284 185 71 28
200 You report having 'pain in the neck.' Where exactly is that? 1.4468 0.04138 282 189 60 33
201 Be grateful it’s not a headache. 1.4466 0.04096 262 170 67 25
202 You need to get off the couch and exercise more. 1.4460 0.04120 278 185 62 31
203 OK, take off your hat, eyebrows, eyes, ears, nose, moustache, lips and shoes, and let’s have a look at you. 1.4457 0.04343 267 182 51 34
204 I’m ordering an MRI. Are you microwave-safe? 1.4441 0.04153 286 194 57 35
205 Yes, I can prescribe Viagra, but that doesn't solve your real problem. 1.4437 0.03933 293 193 70 30
206 I'm going to send you to an ear, nose, and hat specialist. 1.4436 0.04188 266 177 60 29
207 And how are the tots? 1.4433 0.03951 300 200 67 33
208 Sprouting is totally normal at your age 1.4425 0.03992 287 190 67 30
209 Results show that all your parts are in the right place. 1.4419 0.03991 258 165 72 21
210 Let me make sure I have this correct, you say a door in your buttocks will not stay closed? 1.4412 0.04467 272 192 40 40
211 I completely understand your fear of going under the knife. 1.4410 0.04599 229 155 47 27
212 Removing your nose is a simple procedure, a 5-year-old could do it. 1.4401 0.04022 284 189 65 30
213 Actually, I would describe it more as a detachment disorder. 1.4400 0.04574 225 151 49 25
214 Take a long hot bath, add butter and salt and call me at 6 pm. 1.4399 0.03932 316 215 63 38
215 To remove it, we'll go in through the shoes. 1.4396 0.04074 273 181 64 28
216 Call me if your temperature stays above 400 degrees for an hour. 1.4393 0.04494 239 162 49 28
217 I see here you're from Idaho. 1.4393 0.04571 239 164 45 30
218 Mr. Quayle, I have updated your chart to your preferred pronouns of potatoe/potatoe/potatoe. 1.4390 0.04245 246 162 60 24
219 You have a terrible case of Pringles. 1.4389 0.04590 221 148 49 24
220 Your starch levels are dangerously elevated. 1.4387 0.03946 269 174 72 23
221 I am afraid you have an inoperable tuber. 1.4380 0.04566 242 167 44 31
222 How are you peeling today? 1.4362 0.04241 243 160 60 23
223 Sadly, it's all going to have to come off. But then we'll stick it back on. 1.4354 0.04026 271 179 66 26
224 You've been spending too much time on the couch. 1.4332 0.04381 247 168 51 28
225 Honestly, I think it’s all in your head. 1.4314 0.04278 255 173 54 28
226 You might want to change into your sad eyes for this. 1.4311 0.04612 225 154 45 26
227 I haven't seen a case like this since I worked in a MASH unit. 1.4311 0.04346 225 148 57 20
228 Your spud pressure is high. 1.4308 0.04339 253 173 51 29
229 The good news is, your transplant will be child's play. 1.4301 0.04079 272 183 61 28
230 I've got your test results. Exactly how much time are you spending on the couch? 1.4301 0.04163 279 192 54 33
231 I’m afraid your MRI shows a massive tuber. 1.4286 0.04350 252 173 50 29
232 Your rhinoplasty should be very straightforward. Even a child could do it. 1.4279 0.04289 229 151 58 20
233 In order to proceed with your prostate exam, I'm going to need a little ketchup. 1.4279 0.04744 208 142 43 23
234 Of course, there's always a butter option 1.4267 0.04651 225 156 42 27
235 You're a potato. You need a botanist not a doctor. 1.4267 0.04477 225 152 50 23
236 Avoid butter and sour cream, and in particular hot oil. 1.4266 0.04489 218 146 51 21
237 If you avoid butter and sour cream, you should be fine. 1.4264 0.04274 258 177 52 29
238 Ancestry.com confirms it. You're 60% Irish and only 40% Idaho Spud. 1.4262 0.04379 244 167 50 27
239 Since when did you stop feeling like a hot potato? 1.4258 0.04226 256 174 55 27
240 Stay away from butter and sour cream. Chives are ok. 1.4250 0.04352 240 163 52 25
241 I'm sad to have to tell you this, you have tuberculosis. 1.4244 0.04338 238 161 53 24
242 Sadly , I’m afraid you might have tuber-culosis. 1.4244 0.04419 238 163 49 26
243 Luckily, our daycare center found a matching right arm for you. 1.4238 0.03936 269 178 68 23
244 Only 2 eyes. At your age there’s usually more. 1.4231 0.04514 234 162 45 27
245 It's pretty normal at your age to be worried about leeks 1.4229 0.03995 253 166 67 20
246 I'm going to recommend that you stay away from salt, butter and sour cream. 1.4221 0.04176 263 180 55 28
247 You can keep the mustache, but shoes and hat off, too, please. 1.4219 0.04051 237 154 66 17
248 So, tell me how you got on the table? 1.4213 0.04697 235 168 35 32
249 Diet and exercise. Cut out the butter and sour cream, and get up off the couch. 1.4211 0.04220 247 167 56 24
250 And how long has it been since you've seen your knees? 1.4208 0.04115 259 175 59 25
251 First off,how the hell did you get on that table? 1.4204 0.04361 245 169 49 27
252 Actually in your case baking would be just as bad as frying. 1.4199 0.04472 231 159 47 25
253 Your 23 and Me results indicate that you are half Irish and one quarter each Yukon Gold and Idaho Russet 1.4198 0.04672 212 146 43 23
254 I recommend less time on the couch. 1.4189 0.04331 222 148 55 19
255 Has anyone ever told you your symptoms are all in your head? 1.4188 0.04388 234 160 50 24
256 I can treat you, but it's gonna cost an arm and a leg. 1.4185 0.04442 227 155 49 23
257 We'll need to be a bit creative with the colonoscopy 1.4182 0.04724 220 155 38 27
258 Nothing a little sour cream and chives won't fix. 1.4180 0.04147 256 174 57 25
259 Any history of GMOs in your family? 1.4179 0.04595 201 135 48 18
260 I'm sorry, but your health insurance says we can't put you back together again. 1.4175 0.04599 194 129 49 16
261 A gender reassignment surgery should be fairly straightforward. 1.4174 0.04199 242 163 57 22
262 There's nothing that we can do. You are going to be a vegetable for the rest of your life. 1.4167 0.04789 216 153 36 27
263 I'm afraid it's not in your head. 1.4167 0.05081 192 136 32 24
264 If your temperature is over 425 degrees for more than 30 minutes, take two pats of butter and call me for dinner. 1.4163 0.04605 233 165 39 29
265 First question, how did you get up on the table? 1.4155 0.04694 219 154 39 26
266 Here’s the good news. The tuber is benign. 1.4155 0.04465 219 149 49 21
267 I have a half-baked idea 1.4151 0.04422 212 142 52 18
268 I recommend spending a little less time on your couch. 1.4151 0.04522 212 144 48 20
269 I’m afraid we can’t attach THAT! 1.4149 0.04169 241 162 58 21
270 At this point, I'd advise against any more implants. 1.4149 0.04410 241 168 46 27
271 You need to spend less time on the couch and more in the gym. 1.4148 0.04279 229 154 55 20
272 I say Mr. Potāto, but your chart says Mr. Potäto." 1.4147 0.04588 217 150 44 23
273 And what gender were you assigned at birth? Male, female, or russet? 1.4144 0.04689 222 157 38 27
274 I’ll actually be able to preform the rhinoplasty in minutes. 1.4143 0.04502 210 142 49 19
275 What are your pronouns? 1.4136 0.05044 191 135 33 23
276 And, do you want to stay on life support if you become a vegetable? 1.4130 0.04442 247 175 42 30
277 Your MRI shows that you have a torn ro-tater cuff. 1.4127 0.04739 189 128 44 17
278 You understand that I can't check your prostate if you don't bring you prostate, right? 1.4123 0.04760 228 165 32 31
279 The chives are okay, but I'd lay off the butter and sour cream." 1.4120 0.03939 250 165 67 18
280 I recommend a full body peel followed by hydrotherapy and of course, plenty of butter. 1.4110 0.04312 236 162 51 23
281 I think your fear of butter and sour cream is perfectly normal. 1.4099 0.04462 222 153 47 22
282 All of your appendages are in the right holes, so what seems to be the problem? 1.4098 0.04307 205 135 56 14
283 You need to cut down on the sour cream. 1.4095 0.04054 232 153 63 16
284 If you keep up your health behaviors, you’ll be six feet under ground and thriving in no time. 1.4093 0.04615 215 150 42 23
285 I want you to spend less time sitting on the couch. 1.4089 0.04463 225 156 46 23
286 I have your test results. You may want to put on your sad eyes.” 1.4088 0.04885 181 124 40 17
287 Mr. Head, I’m afraid your request for a penis has been turned down by Hasbro. 1.4086 0.05197 186 134 28 24
288 I see you've had a number of plastic surgery procedures. 1.4085 0.04299 213 142 55 16
289 Does Mrs. Potato Head know you never had that missing part? 1.4083 0.04567 218 152 43 23
290 Now if you could remove your mouth and insert your tongue and say, Ahh. 1.4082 0.04195 245 168 54 23
291 Normally I would advise caution, but in your case, a nose job should be relatively simple. 1.4082 0.04781 196 136 40 20
292 As your dermatologist, I’m going to recommend a peel. 1.4079 0.04286 228 155 53 20
293 Actually the eyes growing on the back of your head are part of the normal aging process. 1.4076 0.04629 211 147 42 22
294 Your temperature is 400. 350 is the normal range. 1.4072 0.04335 221 150 52 19
295 You have SPUDS. 1.4069 0.04503 231 163 42 26
296 I’m going to write a prescription for sour cream. 1.4068 0.04181 236 160 56 20
297 So, you want to be a sweet potato 1.4064 0.04709 187 127 44 16
298 The headaches are caused by your plug-in hat." 1.4061 0.04538 197 133 48 16
299 The tests show you’re only half-baked 1.4059 0.04403 202 135 52 15
300 Your blood work suggests you should eat less starch and lose the mustache . 1.4057 0.04310 212 142 54 16
301 I’m afraid it’s tuber-culosis. 1.4057 0.04413 212 144 50 18
302 I suggest you put on your 'concerned' eyebrows for what I'm about to tell you 1.4051 0.04452 195 130 51 14
303 Your carbs are off the charts. 1.4048 0.04543 210 145 45 20
304 There is some good news. Most of your problem areas are replaceable. 1.4047 0.04610 215 151 41 23
305 Plain and simple. You need to give up the bacon bits. 1.4039 0.04550 203 139 46 18
306 Good morning! How do you identify yourself? Russet, Red, Yukon, Purple, Baked, Fried, or Mashed? 1.4038 0.04545 213 148 44 21
307 We’ll change some parts around and turn you from ‘spud’ to ‘stud’ in no time… 1.4035 0.04948 171 117 39 15
308 When did you first notic your genitals were missing? 1.4032 0.04598 186 125 47 14
309 Your arm isn't 'dislocated', it's missing. 1.4031 0.04752 191 132 41 18
310 Could be it’s all in your head. 1.4027 0.04398 226 157 47 22
311 I see here you are French, and are allergic to hot oil? 1.4020 0.04637 204 142 42 20
312 Avoid butter, sour cream and chives. 1.4018 0.04241 224 152 54 18
313 Please remove your hat, your shoes and your eyeballs.” 1.4008 0.04163 237 162 55 20
314 I suggest applying extreme heat, sour cream and chives. 1.4000 0.04341 220 151 50 19
315 Let’s start with you removing those shoes from your chin. 1.4000 0.04895 180 125 38 17
316 Feeling 'fried' in what sense? 1.4000 0.04265 195 128 56 11
317 When did it fall off, exactly? 1.4000 0.04738 185 127 42 16
318 I imagine you're something of a couch potato? 1.3991 0.04367 228 159 47 22
319 I'm sorry Mr. Head, but until Hasbro starts making adult prosthetics, there's nothing I can do about your erectile dysfunction." 1.3990 0.04569 208 145 43 20
320 Good news! You won't need a hip replacement! 1.3990 0.04719 208 148 37 23
321 Four years of med school, six years of residency, and I still can’t figure out how you got up on that table. 1.3990 0.04669 208 147 39 22
322 I'm going to need you to take your eyes, ears, nose, mouth, mustache, eyebrows, hat, arms and legs out so that I can get a good look. 1.3990 0.04825 193 136 37 20
323 How long have you been feeling half-baked? 1.3989 0.04621 188 128 45 15
324 The fertility test confirms the tater tots ARE yours. 1.3981 0.04764 211 152 34 25
325 Try to avoid the Cooties. 1.3981 0.04950 211 156 26 29
326 Your potassium levels are off the charts. 1.3981 0.04548 206 143 44 19
327 Luckily it’s easy to remove 1.3980 0.04715 196 137 40 19
328 My first question is “How did you get up there?” 1.3967 0.04936 184 130 35 19
329 It’s not a tuber. 1.3961 0.04782 207 149 34 24
330 no really, how did you get up there? 1.3960 0.04611 202 141 42 19
331 For that type of change, you need to travel to another state. 1.3957 0.04757 187 130 40 17
332 And then we'll just pop a new one on! 1.3956 0.04659 182 124 44 14
333 Of course it's a headache. 1.3956 0.05154 182 132 28 22
334 ...and I would also stay away from vegetable oil. 1.3946 0.04854 185 130 37 18
335 Let's see if we can't turn that frown upside down. 1.3941 0.04375 203 138 50 15
336 This will most likely cost you an arm and a leg. 1.3937 0.04415 221 155 45 21
337 I highly recommend you avoid deep fried foods, sour cream, cheese and bacon 1.3934 0.04415 211 146 47 18
338 I promise, after the operation, you'll feel a lot butter...I mean, better. 1.3933 0.04593 178 120 46 12
339 The bad news is that the accident left you in a permanent vegetative state. The good news is that you’re still eligible to run for reelection. 1.3930 0.04677 201 142 39 20
340 In your case, gender reassignment surgery is so simple a child could do it. But they don't take insurance. 1.3927 0.04968 191 138 31 22
341 I've put your eyes and nose back on, but I can't find your other ear." 1.3925 0.04566 214 152 40 22
342 The competency test results are in. You're perfectly fit to be President. 1.3916 0.05252 166 119 29 18
343 Sorry, but THAT'S not included in your attachments. 1.3915 0.04656 189 131 42 16
344 and how often do you, uh, swap pieces with the Mrs.? 1.3913 0.04920 161 110 39 12
345 No couch for at least two months, sir. 1.3909 0.04521 197 136 45 16
346 So, I see you have concerns about your left eye and lips falling out continually? 1.3905 0.04450 169 111 50 8
347 Good news; the results of your skin test were delicious. 1.3905 0.04627 210 150 38 22
348 A pair of red kissy lips requires no anesthesia and only takes a second. 1.3904 0.04574 228 166 35 27
349 Stomach pain, you say? I’m afraid it’s all in your head. 1.3901 0.04289 223 155 49 19
350 I’d say you are a good transplant candidate. 1.3901 0.04652 182 125 43 14
351 I'd like to try a French procedure. 1.3900 0.04415 200 137 48 15
352 You need to cut out the starch 1.3898 0.04943 177 125 35 17
353 We're going to need a hash brown sample. 1.3895 0.04813 190 135 36 19
354 You could call it sweet potato,but I believe the technical term for what you have is Diabetes 1.3895 0.04870 190 136 34 20
355 Take off your hat. And also remove your nose and ears. 1.3894 0.04350 208 143 49 16
356 Any travel to Ireland in the last thirty days? 1.3892 0.04786 185 130 38 17
357 You say that both your mother and father both passed from the production of vodka? 1.3889 0.04973 162 112 37 13
358 Turns out it was just ketchup! 1.3880 0.04567 183 125 45 13
359 False alarm. It’s a tuber, not a tumor. 1.3878 0.04647 196 138 40 18
360 Yes hat and shoes off too! 1.3876 0.04722 178 123 41 14
361 You need to say no to all the fixings. 1.3876 0.04722 178 123 41 14
362 On average how many times a week would you say you’re getting baked? 1.3876 0.04855 178 125 37 16
363 Let's try staying away from butter, salt, and sour cream and see where that gets us first.. 1.3876 0.04640 209 150 37 22
364 I'm glad to see you've found your feet. 1.3873 0.04568 204 144 41 19
365 This procedure requires what we call a "peeler." 1.3871 0.04641 186 129 42 15
366 You say at your retirement party, they were going to roast you? 1.3871 0.04826 186 132 36 18
367 You say you identify as an apple ? 1.3864 0.04893 176 124 36 16
368 Any relation to Tommy Tuberville? 1.3861 0.04599 202 143 40 19
369 It's a simple enough surgery. Unfortunately, it will be performed by children. 1.3855 0.04884 166 115 38 13
370 Of course you're depressed. You're a couch potato. 1.3850 0.04804 187 133 36 18
371 Sorry, outside of Idaho, your insurance only covers emergencies. 1.3846 0.04837 182 129 36 17
372 So you lost your grandparents in the famine? 1.3846 0.04961 182 131 32 19
373 So you say you're missing an important part? 1.3846 0.05261 156 111 30 15
374 In your specific case, the arm transplant is a minimally invasive, outpatient procedure. 1.3846 0.04965 169 119 35 15
375 The good news is we found your glasses. 1.3838 0.04461 185 126 47 12
376 Just stay away from the gravy and you should fine. 1.3833 0.04874 180 128 35 17
377 It's nothing to worry about. Buds are a perfectly normal sign of aging..... 1.3832 0.04358 214 150 46 18
378 The sprout we biopsied came back benign. 1.3829 0.04561 175 119 45 11
379 You have trouble walking, you say? 1.3827 0.04468 196 136 45 15
380 So this time when I say take everything off, I just mean your hat and shoes.. 1.3825 0.04689 183 128 40 15
381 That’s a common misconception. The oil actually makes the dry skin crispier. 1.3824 0.04455 204 143 44 17
382 My recommendation is to avoid high heat, dairy, bacon, and scallion. 1.3822 0.04669 191 135 39 17
383 Stay away from the butter and sour cream. 1.3822 0.04727 191 136 37 18
384 Please, detach your right arm and raise it above your head. 1.3818 0.04746 165 113 41 11
385 The brain activity test results are in: you're a total vegetable. 1.3817 0.04696 186 131 39 16
386 I’m afraid you’re starting to sprout. 1.3813 0.05006 160 112 35 13
387 Now remove your right eye, what's the smallest letter you can see? 1.3812 0.04788 181 128 37 16
388 Good news! It is a tuber, but it's benign. 1.3804 0.04604 184 128 42 14
389 I would advise you to stay away from butter and sour cream. 1.3803 0.04214 213 147 51 15
390 You’ve got nothing that a little Sour Cream and Bacon Bits won’t cure 1.3800 0.05153 150 105 33 12
391 Well to start with you don’t need a knee replacement. 1.3800 0.04570 200 142 40 18
392 The ear surgery will be a snap 1.3799 0.04693 179 125 40 14
393 The specialist will be in to see you once she's done with her milk and cookies. 1.3799 0.04625 179 124 42 13
394 ALL of your ancestors succumbed to McDonalds? 1.3793 0.04627 203 146 37 20
395 Sorry, substituting the moustache with puffy red lips and the cowboy hat with a big curly wig is illegal in Florida. 1.3791 0.05328 153 110 28 15
396 Without insurance, this is going to cost you an arm and a leg. 1.3789 0.04682 190 135 38 17
397 And last name Head? 1.3787 0.04885 169 119 36 14
398 The good news is that in your case, a gender change would be a simple outpatient procedure. 1.3785 0.04795 177 125 37 15
399 The good news is that you have the same build as Mr. Trump. 1.3785 0.05182 177 131 25 21
400 Oops - these results are for Mr. PoTAHto. 1.3784 0.05012 185 136 28 21
401 I'm afraid the only way to keep you alive is strict avoidance of butter, sour cream, cheese and, especially, salt. 1.3781 0.04327 201 139 48 14
402 Good news, you're a nonmalignant tubor! 1.3779 0.04753 172 120 39 13
403 No matter how many ways you disguise yourself, I cannot give you anymore painkillers. 1.3778 0.04737 180 127 38 15
404 Well, Mr. P, it looks like you knee removal surgery was a complete success. 1.3778 0.05054 180 132 28 20
405 We could try radiation, or we could just pop it off and put in a new one.” 1.3775 0.04763 204 150 31 23
406 In your case gender reassignment surgery would actually be quite simple. 1.3774 0.04580 212 154 36 22
407 Mr. Potatohead, the eye on your back is not cancerous. 1.3770 0.04681 183 129 39 15
408 Without insurance, I’m afraid it will cost you an arm and a leg 1.3770 0.05051 183 135 27 21
409 Lets see: plastic, devoid of a soul, and owned by a multi-billion dollar corporation. Have you by chance considered politics? 1.3767 0.05424 146 105 27 14
410 If you could remove your shoes, hat, and mustache, we can get started 1.3767 0.05156 146 102 33 11
411 I'll consult eBay about your nose transplant." 1.3766 0.05299 154 111 28 15
412 The problem is, you're a potato. 1.3765 0.05328 162 119 25 18
413 I also have roots in Idaho. 1.3764 0.04839 178 127 35 16
414 So, you're feeling uprooted? 1.3758 0.04992 149 103 36 10
415 Referring to them as "small potatoes" may not be giving your children a healthy self-image. 1.3758 0.05224 157 113 29 15
416 That isn't blood. That's ketchup. 1.3750 0.04522 192 135 42 15
417 I can assure you it is phantom knee pain 1.3750 0.05296 144 102 30 12
418 Your potassium is quit high 1.3750 0.04437 208 148 42 18
419 Your only surgery option is, unfortunately, plastic. 1.3743 0.04408 179 122 47 10
420 I’d recommend putting on your brave face. 1.3742 0.05006 163 116 33 14
421 Have you tried popping it back in again? 1.3736 0.04629 182 128 40 14
422 Looks like you're in a persistent vegetative state. So a clean bill of health! 1.3736 0.04982 174 126 31 17
423 Bad news, I'm afraid: It's a brain tuber. 1.3736 0.05178 174 129 25 20
424 So it says here you've already had 123 nose jobs. 1.3733 0.05313 150 108 28 14
425 Is that with an e? 1.3733 0.05397 150 109 26 15
426 Are your tater tots regular? 1.3731 0.04377 201 141 45 15
427 I’m afraid it’s bad news. They used glue. 1.3729 0.04984 177 129 30 18
428 Unfortunately, you’ve started to sprout. 1.3729 0.04919 177 128 32 17
429 But with plastic surgery, YOU get to decide what you look like. 1.3725 0.04441 204 145 42 17
430 Good news, you appear to be as fit as a fingerling. 1.3723 0.04648 188 134 38 16
431 Cut down on the butter, sour cream and salt. 1.3721 0.04885 172 123 34 15
432 The test was inconclusive: the tater tot may - or may not - be yours. 1.3720 0.05129 164 119 29 16
433 The transitioning process is simpler than you might expect. 1.3720 0.05055 164 118 31 15
434 It looks as though your insurance doesn't cover plastic surgery. 1.3717 0.04473 191 134 43 14
435 As we feared, it’s tuberculosis. 1.3714 0.04686 175 123 39 13
436 This is gonna cost you a shoe and an ear. 1.3709 0.05284 151 109 28 14
437 Mr. Potatohead, I see here that you are a Supreme Court Judge? 1.3709 0.05367 151 110 26 15
438 Despite having had your hip replaced by a six-year-old, I'd say you're in pretty good shape. 1.3706 0.05063 170 124 29 17
439 Good news...everything seems to be in the right place 1.3706 0.04256 197 136 49 12
440 ... and avoid fried foods. 1.3704 0.04362 216 155 42 19
441 You have several options: mash, scallop, fry. Or you can always choose the do nothing approach which would be couch. 1.3704 0.04945 162 115 34 13
442 I'm writing you a prescription for pants. 1.3702 0.04961 181 133 29 19
443 Before we do the MRI, we’ll need to poke a few holes in you with a fork. 1.3697 0.04435 211 152 40 19
444 You and Mrs. Potato might want to hold off exchanging parts for awhile... 1.3693 0.04868 176 127 33 16
445 I’m afraid you are a potato. 1.3690 0.05105 168 123 28 17
446 The nurse will be in shortly to snap in your new right arm. 1.3684 0.04731 152 104 40 8
447 I can do the procedure, but it will cost you an arm and a leg. 1.3684 0.04757 171 121 37 13
448 So you got baked last night, and loaded? 1.3681 0.04750 182 131 35 16
449 It's stuck where? 1.3681 0.04350 182 125 47 10
450 I’m afraid we’re going to have to remove your eyes, ears, nose, mouth, arms, mustache, eyebrows, hat, and shoes. 1.3681 0.05146 163 119 28 16
451 In your case, it's really a fairly simple transition. 1.3673 0.05116 147 104 32 11
452 So I assume you worked from your couch while living in Idaho? 1.3672 0.05040 177 131 27 19
453 I will state the obvious: Your hat is too small for your face. 1.3672 0.04502 177 123 43 11
454 I advise against the chemical peel. 1.3669 0.05417 139 100 27 12
455 I can make you much better by simply adding some salt 1.3669 0.04568 169 117 42 10
456 And you said you did the nose job yourself? 1.3669 0.04794 169 120 36 13
457 The tests did find a tuber. 1.3669 0.04867 169 121 34 14
458 I'm sorry, but we found a tuber. 1.3669 0.04939 169 122 32 15
459 It looks like you only have another three weeks, unless you’re kept in the crisper. 1.3665 0.04881 161 114 35 12
460 Do you pronounce it "Po-tay-toe" or "Po-tah-toe?" 1.3661 0.04854 183 134 31 18
461 Are you familiar with the phrase; You are what you eat? 1.3659 0.04818 164 116 36 12
462 The only drawback to using medical marijuana for you, sir, is maybe being called a ‘baked potato’ from time to time. 1.3659 0.05045 164 119 30 15
463 According to the tests it's all in your head. 1.3659 0.04818 164 116 36 12
464 You need plastic surgery. 1.3656 0.04673 186 134 36 16
465 Hmm...I see - you're a complex carb. 1.3653 0.04979 167 121 31 15
466 So you want a facelift... 1.3650 0.04846 137 93 38 6
467 You need to spend less time on the couch, Mister. 1.3646 0.04828 181 132 32 17
468 We have three treatment options available, baked, fried or boiled. 1.3646 0.04446 192 136 42 14
469 And you just popped it back in? 1.3643 0.05385 140 101 27 12
470 You’re way better off than Mr Dumpty. With you, we can just replace a few pieces. 1.3643 0.05572 140 103 23 14
471 Says here when you go out you don’t feel fully dressed. 1.3642 0.04650 151 103 41 7
472 Good news on BAKED and BOILED. But your numbers on FRIED are concerning. 1.3636 0.05306 165 124 22 19
473 On the bright side you can turn that frown upside-down. 1.3636 0.05020 165 120 30 15
474 Well at least you can touch your toes 1.3636 0.04794 165 117 36 12
475 I’m sorry to inform you that you’re unable to have any tots. 1.3632 0.04659 190 138 35 17
476 Blood pressure is normal, but starch levels are through the roof… 1.3631 0.04599 179 127 39 13
477 Actually, Bill, I can replace everything. 1.3631 0.04733 168 119 37 12
478 You are spineless, but don't despair. Your condition is compatible with many career paths. 1.3631 0.05203 157 115 27 15
479 Your chart says you've been experiencing stabbing pain in the top of the head, eyes, ears, nose, mustache, mouth, arms, and feet. 1.3630 0.05525 135 98 25 12
480 Maybe you should consider spending less time on the couch. 1.3626 0.04890 171 124 32 15
481 I'm concerned about your eyes, but they can be replaced. 1.3625 0.04815 160 113 36 11
482 You should quit while you're a head. 1.3624 0.05405 149 110 24 15
483 We'll try to get you under the knife around Thanksgiving. 1.3623 0.04926 138 95 36 7
484 Is there an "e" on the end? 1.3621 0.04760 174 125 35 14
485 We can definitely do something about that nose 1.3621 0.04545 174 122 41 11
486 I'm prescribing you more marijuana. The test results show you're only half-baked. 1.3620 0.04753 163 115 37 11
487 My wife says it's all in my head. 1.3613 0.05249 155 114 26 15
488 Your complex carbohydrates are a little high. 1.3611 0.04578 180 128 39 13
489 So the good news is, we've found your pipe... 1.3611 0.05179 144 103 30 11
490 Sorry about the waiting room, I share the office with a pediatrician. 1.3611 0.05084 144 102 32 10
491 A little peeling is to be expected at your age. 1.3609 0.04857 169 122 33 14
492 I’d tell you to cut down on the carbs, but… 1.3608 0.04854 158 112 35 11
493 We can rule out a knee problem. 1.3605 0.05194 147 106 29 12
494 It's your eyes - they're starting to sprout everywhere. 1.3600 0.05375 150 111 24 15
495 How the hell do I test your reflexes? 1.3598 0.05035 164 120 29 15
496 Actually, a gender change to Ms. Potato Head may be less expensive than you think. 1.3595 0.04873 153 108 35 10
497 Results are back. You're Ore-Ida. 1.3593 0.05182 167 125 24 18
498 I'm a knee and hip Doctor. 1.3593 0.05041 167 123 28 16
499 I'm most concerned with your inability to carry a wallet." 1.3593 0.04821 167 120 34 13
500 Why the long face? 1.3593 0.04746 167 119 36 12
501 Good news - all your sprouts are benign.” 1.3593 0.05182 167 125 24 18
502 It's as I'd suspected: tuber-culosis. 1.3588 0.05426 131 94 27 10
503 I need to examine your eyes. Please hand them over. 1.3585 0.04910 159 114 33 12
504 I don’t see anything wrong, you seem pretty well put together to me. 1.3585 0.04990 159 115 31 13
505 Your plastic surgery will be performed by kids age 2 and up. 1.3580 0.04766 162 115 36 11
506 And with a simple procedure we can assign you whatever gender you want 1.3580 0.05111 176 133 23 20
507 Sadly, the replacement parts aren’t covered by your insurance. 1.3580 0.04783 176 128 33 15
508 Your blood sugar's a little high. Even for a sweet potato. 1.3580 0.04503 176 124 41 11
509 I’m sorry. That’s the one part I can’t replace. 1.3576 0.05083 165 122 27 16
510 First, go ahead and attach your "shocked" eyebrows. 1.3575 0.04590 179 128 38 13
511 Your results are in. You better grab your frown. 1.3571 0.04847 154 109 35 10
512 How did your penis fall off? 1.3571 0.04934 154 110 33 11
513 How did you get on the table? 1.3571 0.05425 154 116 21 17
514 I’m going to ask you to remove your shoes, hat, eyes and arms, please. 1.3571 0.04668 182 132 35 15
515 I think you'll find that sour cream and chives will agree with you. 1.3571 0.04577 154 106 41 7
516 Bad news. It's tuberculosis. 1.3567 0.05192 157 116 26 15
517 I am going to put a smile on your face! 1.3567 0.04867 157 112 34 11
518 How did you get up there? 1.3562 0.05043 160 117 29 14
519 When I said to avoid starches, I didn't mean your family. 1.3562 0.05119 146 105 30 11
520 You'll feel much better if you put on your smiley mouth. 1.3558 0.04821 163 117 34 12
521 Do you pronounce it Potayto or potahto? 1.3557 0.04749 194 145 29 20
522 What do you mean your nose falls off? 1.3556 0.05511 135 99 24 12
523 It’s a tuber 1.3550 0.04774 169 122 34 13
524 Unfortunately, we can't find a giant lips donor match. 1.3548 0.05317 155 116 23 16
525 Have you considered plastic surgery? 1.3546 0.05243 141 102 28 11
526 Just pop everything out and someone will be right with you. 1.3546 0.05339 141 103 26 12
527 I know a specialist, but he's in a daycare. 1.3544 0.04924 158 114 32 12
528 How often do you feel that parts of you are missing? 1.3544 0.05164 158 117 26 15
529 The results are definitive. All of those tots are yours. 1.3540 0.05093 161 119 27 15
530 Good news, Mr. Head. In your case, gender identity is quite easy to change, and is even reversible. 1.3540 0.04528 161 112 41 8
531 Doc, i'm not peeling well 1.3537 0.04950 164 120 30 14
532 Have you tried not storing things in your butt? 1.3536 0.04936 181 136 26 19
533 The good news is we can rule out restless leg syndrome. 1.3533 0.05607 150 115 17 18
534 I'd say that you'd feel better if you cut down on carbs, but then again that would kill you. 1.3533 0.05018 150 108 31 11
535 You're fine. All you need is some sour cream. 1.3533 0.04561 184 133 37 14
536 When did you first notice your torso was missing? 1.3529 0.04965 170 126 28 16
537 You need to lay off the starch. 1.3526 0.04763 173 126 33 14
538 I'm afraid that your crop insurance won't cover this procedure. 1.3526 0.04546 173 123 39 11
539 Take a long hot bath and 2 pats of butter and call me at 6pm 1.3526 0.05048 156 114 29 13
540 You need to cut back on the sugar or you're going to end up vodka. 1.3516 0.05611 128 94 23 11
541 I fully understand your problem sir but really you don't have a leg to stand on. 1.3510 0.05078 151 110 29 12
542 You can't walk because your shoes are on your chin. 1.3510 0.05575 151 116 17 18
543 Before we begin, can you please take off your hat, mustache, eyes, ears, and nose? 1.3510 0.04901 151 108 33 10
544 Cheer up. You weren't this well put together on your last visit. 1.3509 0.04727 171 124 34 13
545 It looks like you're missing a piece. 1.3506 0.04921 154 111 32 11
546 You have to cut down on the carbs. 1.3503 0.05101 157 116 27 14
547 Actually, the nose replacement is going to be much easier than you think. 1.3500 0.04791 160 115 34 11
548 I’ve never seen a BMI so high. 1.3497 0.04730 163 117 35 11
549 An hour at 425° should fix you right up. 1.3497 0.05086 143 103 30 10
550 If you could remove your hat, eyebrows, ears, eyes, mustache, nose, mouth, arms, and feet please. 1.3494 0.05046 166 124 26 16
551 You need to stop eating French fries for both health and ethical reasons. 1.3491 0.04535 169 120 39 10
552 Your results are in. You’ve got eyes growing in the back of your head. 1.3491 0.04836 169 124 31 14
553 Before we consider a transplant, have you checked under the bed? 1.3490 0.05033 149 108 30 11
554 You're in good health in spite of the many puncture wounds 1.3484 0.04539 155 108 40 7
555 It looks like all your parts are in the right place. And trust me, that's not a given. 1.3481 0.04745 158 113 35 10
556 They probably thought you wouldn't need it. You're a toy. 1.3481 0.04829 158 114 33 11
557 I recommend that you lay off the sour cream. 1.3478 0.04601 161 114 38 9
558 Do you prefer Po-TAH-to or Po-TAY-to? 1.3478 0.05005 161 119 28 14
559 Your labs looked fine but the scan showed a large pair of glasses lodged in your rectum… 1.3476 0.05160 164 124 23 17
560 It's tuberculosis. 1.3472 0.05245 144 106 26 12
561 No, my PhD does not stand for Potato Head Doctor. 1.3472 0.05336 144 107 24 13
562 I'm afraid to say... that part did not come in the original package. 1.3471 0.04954 170 127 27 16
563 He forces you into a hot oven and then he eats you? How long have you had this recurring nightmare? 1.3464 0.05021 153 112 29 12
564 The results of your physical exam and your aptitude test is that you would excel at French Fries 1.3462 0.05429 130 95 25 10
565 And do you have any vision problems with the eyes in the back of your head? 1.3459 0.04658 185 137 32 16
566 'A pinch of chives for kicks' is not a diet plan. 1.3457 0.04901 162 119 30 13
567 You have some sprouts that need to be removed. 1.3456 0.05461 136 101 23 12
568 You're in what we call the "Golden Russet Years." 1.3453 0.05178 139 101 28 10
569 It's going to cost you an arm and a leg. 1.3451 0.05198 142 104 27 11
570 They have a name for it now. It's called non-binary." 1.3451 0.05101 142 103 29 10
571 I recommend baking at 425 degrees for 45 minutes. 1.3450 0.04491 171 122 39 10
572 Turns out that rattling in your chest was just an extra arm. 1.3448 0.05027 145 105 30 10
573 Are you still experiencing those stab-like pains? 1.3448 0.05027 145 105 30 10
574 I'm an ear, nose, and throat doctor, so just leave those here and they can see the rest of you next door 1.3444 0.05064 151 111 28 12
575 Unfortunately, you are in the wrong place. I am a veterinarian, and you need a vegetarian. 1.3444 0.05402 151 115 20 16
576 So…you’re from Idaho? 1.3444 0.04703 151 107 36 8
577 my boss thinks I’m baked all the time but really I’m just feeling fried, doc. 1.3443 0.05909 122 92 18 12
578 I'm afraid that part isn't available. 1.3443 0.05554 122 89 24 9
579 Don't you worry. This is going to be the cheapest facelift in the history of plastic surgery. 1.3439 0.04492 157 110 40 7
580 It really is all in your head! 1.3438 0.04779 160 116 33 11
581 I’m sure you’ll find your other arm. Check under the couch. 1.3438 0.04525 160 113 39 8
582 Putting in a lot of hours on the couch, are we? 1.3436 0.04797 163 119 32 12
583 For how long have you been afraid of butter and sour cream? 1.3436 0.04797 163 119 32 12
584 It's gonna cost you and arm and a leg 1.3435 0.04939 131 92 33 6
585 I think we're going to have to cut down on the starch. 1.3432 0.04677 169 123 34 12
586 Cheer up! You're going to live forever ... especially if you can find that box you came in 1.3431 0.05122 137 99 29 9
587 Is there any way to reduce the starch in your diet? 1.3429 0.05147 140 102 28 10
588 I’m sorry you’re not happy with your new nose. My daughter will get that fixed right up for you as soon as she’s done with her nap 1.3429 0.04418 175 125 40 10
589 I think I just ate your mother. 1.3427 0.04666 143 100 37 6
590 Have you tried a different nose and hat? 1.3427 0.04873 143 102 33 8
591 It's bad news, I know. I'm sorry. Would you like me to change your eyebrows to the 'sad' position? 1.3425 0.04998 146 106 30 10
592 And on a positive note, you're already ahead! 1.3425 0.05274 146 109 24 13
593 Now, let's talk about how you're going to get down. 1.3423 0.05196 149 111 25 13
594 Now, how about we turn that frown upside down? 1.3423 0.05108 149 110 27 12
595 And where do you have these stabbing pains? 1.3423 0.04928 149 108 31 10
596 It's an outpatient procedure, the whole thing should take about five seconds. 1.3423 0.04928 149 108 31 10
597 No, I don't think your fear of McDonald's is unnatural at all. 1.3421 0.04487 152 106 40 6
598 Your potassium levels are a little high but other than that you’re fine. 1.3419 0.05132 155 116 25 14
599 You should switch to your surprise eyebrows for this one. 1.3409 0.05359 132 97 25 10
600 Not surprisingly, it's all in your head. 1.3406 0.05294 138 102 25 11
601 Have you noticed your features changing from day to day? 1.3406 0.05091 138 100 29 9
602 I'd suggest working on that stubborn streak, Mr. Tuberville. 1.3406 0.05490 138 104 21 13
603 It’s going to have to be removed, but it’s a very easy procedure.” 1.3404 0.05310 141 105 24 12
604 And just when,Sir,did everything come to a head? 1.3403 0.04944 144 104 31 9
605 I'm concerned about your vegetative state. 1.3400 0.04714 150 107 35 8
606 With your body type, you need to limit starches in your diet. 1.3400 0.04990 150 110 29 11
607 Your x-rays show a pair of glasses, and another mouth in your abdomen, but you’re otherwise quite healthy. 1.3400 0.04808 150 108 33 9
608 Viagra? Really? 1.3400 0.05079 150 111 27 12
609 The good news is we can replace your arm. The bad news is we have to use a leg we found under the couch. 1.3397 0.04939 156 115 29 12
610 You really have to cut back on carbs. 1.3397 0.04769 156 113 33 10
611 I would re-attach it right here, but unfortunately I’m not between the ages of 4-6. 1.3396 0.04873 159 117 30 12
612 I see here you left gender blank. 1.3395 0.04647 162 117 35 10
613 Well that was an interesting colonoscopy 1.3394 0.04748 165 121 32 12
614 Judging by your x-rays, I think there may be a problem with your legs. 1.3392 0.04555 171 124 36 11
615 No more more butter or sour cream for you buddy. 1.3391 0.04856 174 131 27 16
616 Take this twice a day, and keep the arms out of the ear holes. 1.3388 0.05574 121 89 23 9
617 In your case, gender reassignment should be reasonably straightforward. 1.3388 0.04279 183 131 42 10
618 I'm prescribing exercises for your arms. 1.3385 0.05070 130 93 30 7
619 So, how much time do you spend on your couch? 1.3382 0.05544 136 103 20 13
620 So, Timmy made you do what with Barbie? 1.3380 0.05182 142 105 26 11
621 I'm simply pointing out there is more to life than getting baked everyday. 1.3379 0.05290 145 109 23 13
622 The good news is you’re gluten-free. 1.3379 0.04716 145 103 35 7
623 Leg pain? Where? 1.3378 0.05033 148 109 28 11
624 Try to put on a happy face. 1.3377 0.05137 151 113 25 13
625 According to the medical test results, it"s not your imagination... You are a potato.. 1.3377 0.04962 151 111 29 11
626 ‘ I’m sorry, your face does not qualify as an Ozempic injection site’ 1.3377 0.04534 154 109 38 7
627 Your insurance only covers eye removal. 1.3377 0.04980 154 114 28 12
628 Yes sir, with a vasectomy you and Mrs. Potato Head don't have to worry about having any more tots. 1.3377 0.05148 154 116 24 14
629 I want you to stay away from burger joints. 1.3376 0.04478 157 111 39 7
630 Just three words— too many carbs! 1.3376 0.04995 157 117 27 13
631 You stuck WHAT in there?! 1.3374 0.04541 163 117 37 9
632 I gonna ask you to leave your left ear today for additional tests 1.3372 0.04458 172 124 38 10
633 I told you a high-carb diet wouldn't work! 1.3361 0.05758 119 89 20 10
634 Mr. Potato Head, if you want to avoid a painful death, please stay away from Mc. Donald’s. 1.3360 0.05321 125 91 26 8
635 Have you tried pulling it out and putting it back in again? 1.3360 0.05673 125 94 20 11
636 ''Is it still Mister?'' 1.3358 0.05074 134 97 29 8
637 And you said they stuck your other arm up where exactly? 1.3358 0.05396 134 100 23 11
638 It just fell off ! 1.3358 0.05184 134 98 27 9
639 So would you say you've been feeling more baked, mashed or boiled lately? 1.3358 0.05600 134 102 19 13
640 This is a full body exam. Peel. 1.3358 0.05105 137 100 28 9
641 You may call me Doctor. Do you prefer Mr. Head or just Potato? 1.3357 0.05327 140 105 23 12
642 I’m falling apart, doc 1.3357 0.05055 143 105 28 10
643 I’m sorry, but that part has never been available. 1.3356 0.05348 146 111 21 14
644 I am prescribing a hot bath in a medicinal mixture of dry vermouth, chicken broth, and chicken thighs. Give it lots of thyme and it will tranform you! 1.3356 0.05348 146 111 21 14
645 When did you first notice the hat? 1.3355 0.05108 152 114 25 13
646 More gym less couch. 1.3355 0.04602 155 111 36 8
647 You’re fine. It appears that you only make others’ blood sugar to spike. 1.3354 0.04401 161 114 40 7
648 We could switch out your moustache for your hat and see what that does. 1.3354 0.04980 161 121 26 14
649 Your potassium and vitamin C levels are normal, but your carbohydrate reading was rather high. 1.3353 0.04511 173 126 36 11
650 You're okay now, but eventually your eyes will have to come out. 1.3352 0.04876 176 134 25 17
651 I'm sorry, Mr. Potatohead. Hair is considered cosmetic and not covered by your insurance. 1.3333 0.04769 132 93 34 5
652 Do you know you're sprouting eyes on the back of your head? 1.3333 0.05664 114 84 22 8
653 Take off your mouth and say ‘Aaah’. 1.3333 0.04928 144 105 30 9
654 The bad news is you need a knee replacement. The good news is it should be a simple in-and-out procedure. 1.3333 0.05025 144 106 28 10
655 Lose the hat and moustache,add some frilly eyelashes and voila! The sex change will be complete. 1.3333 0.05341 132 98 24 10
656 I've ordered the parts for your gender reassignment. The procedure takes about 30 seconds, unless you also want the bikini peel. 1.3333 0.05177 138 102 26 10
657 How long have you had this version of your face? 1.3333 0.04818 135 96 33 6
658 Good news; gender reassignment for you Mr. Head, should be 'plug and play'. 1.3333 0.05377 138 104 22 12
659 How long have you known you want to come out as a Yam? 1.3333 0.05464 135 102 21 12
660 You appear to have an irrational fear of the French 1.3333 0.05717 120 90 20 10
661 Your results came back starchy 1.3314 0.04339 169 121 40 8
662 Well, it turns out that you never really had a gender anyway. 1.3313 0.04610 163 119 34 10
663 Any new parts? 1.3313 0.04409 160 114 39 7
664 No, I don't think the head-to-toe examination will take long." 1.3311 0.04858 151 111 30 10
665 I had some family in France, and they were all very thin. 1.3311 0.05208 151 115 22 14
666 You look like a whole different person since I last saw you! 1.3310 0.04699 145 104 34 7
667 It's as we suspected... everything is already in the right place. 1.3310 0.05184 145 109 24 12
668 You say potato, I say non deductible medical expense 1.3310 0.05184 145 109 24 12
669 Do you pronounce your name po-TAY-to or po-TAH-to? 1.3310 0.05262 142 107 23 12
670 Good news! Test results confirm you are gluten free! 1.3308 0.05088 133 97 28 8
671 Your biopsy came back delicious. 1.3308 0.05281 130 96 25 9
672 No sir, just because you're French doesn't mean your fate is sealed. 1.3308 0.05503 130 98 21 11
673 We can do the procedure, but it's going to cost you an arm and a leg. 1.3307 0.05483 127 95 22 10
674 This consult for rhinoplasty is unnecessary. Just order a different nose from Hasbro. 1.3306 0.05796 121 92 18 11
675 Mrs. Potato Head will need to be tested as well. 1.3304 0.05757 115 86 20 9
676 The problem is your weight. You need to cut down on the starches. 1.3298 0.04336 191 141 37 13
677 There are strong indicators that you have eyes in the back of your head. 1.3293 0.04763 167 125 29 13
678 Luckily the parts you need are in stock. 1.3289 0.05008 152 114 26 12
679 I could say ditch the carbs, but there goes your raison d’être. 1.3289 0.04830 152 112 30 10
680 That frying sound in your ears is probably just anxiety but if it worries you, just pull them off. 1.3289 0.04897 149 110 29 10
681 Now, let's turn that frown upside down shall we? 1.3289 0.04989 149 111 27 11
682 I can do the sex change but I’m afraid you’re stuck with the pronoun. 1.3288 0.04967 146 108 28 10
683 Still no pulse, if you don't mind, I'd like to stick a fork in you. 1.3287 0.05324 143 109 21 13
684 I’m going to refer you to our specialist in the produce section. 1.3287 0.05230 143 108 23 12
685 Maybe cut down on the salt. 1.3287 0.04940 143 105 29 9
686 Your test results came back negative. Turns out it’s all in your head. 1.3285 0.05294 137 103 23 11
687 When you went to Vegas did you happen to spend time with an Ida-Ho.? 1.3285 0.05294 137 103 23 11
688 I'm afraid you're going to have to cut out starch. 1.3284 0.04943 134 97 30 7
689 I can give you something for that fear of frying. 1.3284 0.05378 134 101 22 11
690 It’s the blight. Anyone other the Mrs. who should be notified? 1.3282 0.05247 131 97 25 9
691 You need to spend less time on the couch. 1.3282 0.05247 131 97 25 9
692 Sir, it says here you're from Idaho . 1.3282 0.05018 131 95 29 7
693 So, you say you were poked in your eyes, with your eyes? Sorry, I'm not following you. 1.3281 0.05216 128 94 26 8
694 Let's start by removing your legs. 1.3281 0.05332 128 95 24 9
695 I've ordered the Mrs Potato-head pieces; we can start your transition in 2 weeks. 1.3280 0.05178 125 91 27 7
696 You've decided you want to become a woman, again? Sure! No problem! This won't hurt a bit! 1.3279 0.05514 122 91 22 9
697 I know you think you have Irish heritage, but your DNA results indicate a Peruvian ancestry. 1.3279 0.05871 122 94 16 12
698 The lab results indicate that it's time to switch out your nose. 1.3276 0.05581 116 86 22 8
699 The bad news: we have to cut out starch. The good news: most of your parts are replaceable. 1.3268 0.04804 153 113 30 10
700 Can you be more specific other than feeling rotten and half-baked? 1.3265 0.05213 147 112 22 13
701 When did you first notice your right ear was gone? 1.3264 0.04709 144 104 33 7
702 I see here your starch levels seem to be very high. 1.3262 0.05083 141 105 26 10
703 We'll have to send you to a toddler for rearrangement. 1.3261 0.05056 138 102 27 9
704 Luckily, your Erectile Dysfunction can be cured with a little plastic surgery. 1.3259 0.05344 135 102 22 11
705 Thanks for describing your symptoms, but my name is not Mr Doctorhead! 1.3258 0.05536 132 101 19 12
706 Everything looks good with the exception of your head. 1.3256 0.04508 172 127 34 11
707 Your new nose is looking great, but my concern is where you put the old one. 1.3254 0.05265 126 93 25 8
708 I’m afraid your head is bigger than your stomach. 1.3253 0.04850 166 126 26 14
709 I don’t think a third eye is a good idea. 1.3252 0.05596 123 93 20 10
710 You have to cut out all starches. 1.3250 0.04738 160 119 30 11
711 You need five new parts and each comes in a range of colours. 1.3250 0.05314 120 88 25 7
712 Well, "No batteries required" is a pretty clear warning not to shove them up there... 1.3248 0.05926 117 90 16 11
713 So you're a couch Potato? 1.3241 0.05168 145 110 23 12
714 I'm afraid you're in a persistent vegetative state. 1.3239 0.05052 142 106 26 10
715 I’m not sure how you’ll get down either. How did you get up? 1.3237 0.05228 139 105 23 11
716 So, do you pronounce your name Pota-to or Potay-to Head? 1.3237 0.05025 139 103 27 9
717 According to the pathology report, it appears to be a tuber. 1.3237 0.05228 139 105 23 11
718 Yes, we can add one of those, but your insurance doesn't cover it. 1.3235 0.05310 136 103 22 11
719 You seem to have entered a vegetative state 1.3235 0.05101 136 101 26 9
720 So, no surprise there, given your potassium content your blood pressure is excellent! I'm not getting any pulse however ... 1.3233 0.04838 133 96 31 6
721 Remember...if you notice growths starting again it means you've been spending too much time indoors. 1.3233 0.05288 133 100 23 10
722 Don’t go mushy on me. 1.3232 0.04489 164 120 35 9
723 OK--so they named a famine after you. Get over it. 1.3228 0.05348 127 95 23 9
724 And if all goes well, you’ll be back on eBay in no time. 1.3226 0.05063 124 90 28 6
725 I recommend cheese, sour cream, chives, bacon bits...oh sorry, that's my grocery list. 1.3226 0.05316 124 92 24 8
726 Once I find where to place my fingers, I’m going to ask you to cough. 1.3223 0.05406 121 90 23 8
727 I see under organ donor consent you put french fries. 1.3221 0.05152 149 114 22 13
728 Yours is a common problem--too much starch. 1.3220 0.05630 118 89 20 9
729 I would recommend less sour cream. 1.3219 0.04655 146 106 33 7
730 Let's just say that your wife's infertility may be related to one of your missing essential parts. 1.3219 0.05228 146 112 21 13
731 Well, a little potato famine wouldn't do you any harm. 1.3217 0.05599 115 86 21 8
732 I know you are tired of hearing it, but it really is all in your head. 1.3214 0.04994 140 104 27 9
733 I’ve got bad news. You only have a shelf life of three weeks. 1.3214 0.05560 112 83 22 7
734 I'll have to remove your nose... 1.3212 0.04962 137 101 28 8
735 You have tuberculosis. 1.3211 0.05664 109 81 21 7
736 Let's turn that mouth over and see if that cheers you up. 1.3209 0.05146 134 100 25 9
737 Sure - we can add more eyes, but it would be cheaper to wait under the sink a few weeks. 1.3209 0.05464 134 103 19 12
738 How are Ida and the tots? 1.3208 0.06222 106 82 14 10
739 And how is Mrs. Potato Head and all the little spuds? 1.3206 0.05114 131 97 26 8
740 You say you're feeling kind of fried? 1.3206 0.04998 131 96 28 7
741 Honestly, this nose job is child's play. 1.3203 0.04605 153 112 33 8
742 You can get a second opinion, but your brain will still be turned to mash. 1.3203 0.04414 153 110 37 6
743 This motherfucker 1.3200 0.05859 125 98 14 13
744 Your transition is going to be very straightforward, physically, but have you prepared yourself for the opinions of those who have no right to judge you? 1.3200 0.05518 125 95 20 10
745 No, not a brain *tuber*. 1.3200 0.04853 150 112 28 10
746 You’ve cut out salt, sugar and fat, now you need to work on the starch. 1.3194 0.05088 144 109 24 11
747 It's actually completely normal. Just keep track of them so you can put them back in later. 1.3193 0.05054 119 86 28 5
748 I'm really sorry, but, we're found several new eyes. 1.3193 0.05328 119 88 24 7
749 We can rearrange things, but basically you’ll still be a potato. 1.3190 0.05281 116 85 25 6
750 It says here you sit on the couch all day. 1.3185 0.05221 135 102 23 10
751 No matter how you slice it, you're still a potato. 1.3185 0.05428 135 104 19 12
752 It says here you're not peeling well. 1.3185 0.04893 135 99 29 7
753 So we did find some interesting things during the rectal exam. 1.3185 0.04785 157 118 28 11
754 Sir, I'm fairly certain you can remove that yourself. 1.3182 0.05469 110 81 23 6
755 Yes, it can be somewhat traumatic, Mr. Head. However, many would consider interchangeable parts a considerable advantage in life. 1.3182 0.05193 132 99 24 9
756 What is there specifically about people sticking things on you that you don’t like”. 1.3182 0.05469 110 81 23 6
757 So... How many packets of ketchup would you say you consume in a typical week? 1.3182 0.05909 110 84 17 9
758 So your mother was twice baked,you father was hashed. What about the tots? 1.3182 0.05517 132 102 18 12
759 I’m afraid you have a brain tuber. 1.3179 0.05093 151 116 22 13
760 The good news is it's a tuber, not a tumor. 1.3178 0.04920 129 94 29 6
761 Before I get to your CT scan results, can you briefly explain how you got up there? 1.3178 0.05042 129 95 27 7
762 Yes, I’m an ophthalmologist, but you’re going to have to see a proctologist about your eyes. 1.3178 0.05879 107 81 18 8
763 In the most professional way possible, I am going to have to ask you to open your butt. 1.3175 0.05363 126 95 22 9
764 It says you’re here for a nose job, an arm job, a leg job, an ear job… 1.3175 0.05243 126 94 24 8
765 I may need to refer you plastic surgeon. 1.3175 0.05243 126 94 24 8
766 My diagnosis is that your decisions to work from home AND get a Netflix subscription have caused you to become a couch potato. 1.3172 0.04962 145 109 26 10
767 Only two eyes. You have little chance of reproducing. 1.3171 0.05074 123 90 27 6
768 The knee replacement is out, but a nose job is an option. 1.3169 0.04511 142 102 35 5
769 You say that life is just pulling you apart... 1.3167 0.05421 120 90 22 8
770 I’m sorry to have to tell you that your growth spurt is over. 1.3165 0.04498 158 116 34 8
771 Cut back on the starch. 1.3162 0.05381 117 87 23 7
772 Are you sure you want a nose job? The procedure could take as much as 45 seconds. 1.3162 0.04953 117 84 29 4
773 You have too few eyes for a potato of your age. 1.3162 0.04862 136 100 29 7
774 For the tenth time: you don't have tuberculosis 1.3162 0.05081 136 102 25 9
775 I see that you're a bit of a couch potato. 1.3161 0.04461 155 113 35 7
776 Mrs. Potato Head says you always whip yourself into a frenzy right before Thanksgiving” What’s that about 1.3158 0.05616 114 86 20 8
777 I'd suggest going home and relaxing in a tub full of butter or sour cream. 1.3155 0.04635 168 127 29 12
778 Oh, I’m sorry. Mr. Po-tah-to Head. 1.3154 0.04770 149 111 29 9
779 So, what brings you in here today? Let me guess, you can't decide if your mind is fried, or just half-baked? 1.3154 0.05354 130 99 21 10
780 Actually, replacing all your features is a lot less trouble than you might have thought. 1.3154 0.05241 130 98 23 9
781 Good news---we found a leg donor." 1.3153 0.05427 111 82 23 6
782 There’s a lump on your neck. I’m sending you to the eye doctor. 1.3151 0.04636 146 107 32 7
783 And for your tater tots, we also offer pediatric care. 1.3151 0.05212 146 113 20 13
784 Sir, I'm not sure I'm qualified to talk about detachment issues... 1.3150 0.05443 127 97 20 10
785 It's "DOCTOR Peoplehead" to you, sir. 1.3148 0.05681 108 81 20 7
786 It's just a mild case of feigned Republican hysteria. I'm prescribing a grain of salt. 1.3145 0.05168 124 92 25 7
787 Exercise is the only cure for Couch Pototoe syndrome. 1.3145 0.04816 159 121 26 12
788 You shouldn't be upset. A lot of people see their relatives at McDonald's. 1.3145 0.04816 159 121 26 12
789 Your fertility test shows you're not able to have tots. 1.3143 0.05373 140 109 18 13
790 I'm sorry, but it's now illegal for us here in Idaho to give you any gender-affirming changes, Mx Potatohead. 1.3143 0.05948 105 80 17 8
791 Would you consider becoming an organ donor? 1.3143 0.05296 105 76 25 4
792 Good news. Your xray shows nothing. 1.3143 0.04871 140 104 28 8
793 I'm afraid we've found a tuber. 1.3140 0.04984 121 88 28 5
794 Sorry, you need to cut down on starches and carbs. 1.3139 0.05155 137 104 23 10
795 So Mr. Tuberville...may I call you Tommy? 1.3139 0.05258 137 105 21 11
796 So it's what I suspected, Tuberculosis. 1.3139 0.05155 137 104 23 10
797 On second thought, why don't we just skip the colonoscopy. 1.3137 0.04771 153 115 28 10
798 We're going to refer you to our ear, nose, eyes, hat, moustache, shoes and pants specialist. 1.3137 0.05034 153 118 22 13
799 I can prescribe Velcro for the hat slippage. 1.3136 0.05476 118 89 21 8
800 How are you peeling lately? 1.3134 0.04903 134 99 28 7
801 You appear to be unusually high in potassium. 1.3133 0.04836 150 113 27 10
802 Your carb levels are very high." 1.3129 0.04904 147 111 26 10
803 The diagnostic testing indicates that the problem is all in your head. 1.3129 0.04904 147 111 26 10
804 Another nose job? 1.3125 0.05234 112 82 25 5
805 You need to take better care of yourself. Replacement parts are much harder to come by now. 1.3125 0.05406 128 98 20 10
806 Is that "potato" or "potahto"? 1.3125 0.05173 128 96 24 8
807 I know you and your wife want children, but you’ll have to settle for tots.” 1.3121 0.04945 141 106 26 9
808 You're never going to guess where we found your glasses. 1.3121 0.05046 141 107 24 10
809 Your colonoscopy yielded some interesting results. 1.3120 0.05133 125 93 25 7
810 I see you've grown arms and feet. You should've quit while you were a head. 1.3119 0.06210 109 86 12 11
811 I’m sorry but there is no insertion site for the part you are requesting 1.3116 0.04911 138 103 27 8
812 Now that you're out in the sun, be careful not to peel. 1.3116 0.04911 138 103 27 8
813 You're not Mr. H. Dumpty?? 1.3115 0.05216 122 91 24 7
814 According to your labs, it looks like you've been spending a lot of time on the couch. 1.3115 0.04950 122 89 28 5
815 I need a spudum sample. 1.3115 0.05470 122 93 20 9
816 It appears you've had an excessive amount of facial reconstructive work done. 1.3113 0.05899 106 81 17 8
817 I am very sorry Mr Potato Head but that part is no longer available ". 1.3108 0.04968 148 113 24 11
818 More exercise . And maybe cut the carbs. 1.3107 0.06019 103 79 16 8
819 You probably shouldn’t borrow your wife’s eyes even if they are a similar prescription. 1.3106 0.05173 132 100 23 9
820 I'm afraid we can't accept parts of your body as payment. 1.3106 0.05283 132 101 21 10
821 Let's start with your legs. You don't have any. 1.3103 0.05532 116 88 20 8
822 Well…let’s remove that ear and take a look. 1.3101 0.04643 129 93 32 4
823 As your doctor I can't have you for dinner, but as your friend I can. 1.3101 0.05019 129 96 26 7
824 So you were born Russet but identify now as Kennebec? 1.3101 0.05255 129 98 22 9
825 If only managing depression was as simple as sticking a smile onto your face. 1.3097 0.05195 113 83 25 5
826 I’m Dr. Quayle. Is that Potato or Potatoe ? 1.3097 0.05633 113 86 19 8
827 It turns out that when your wife called you a malignant tuber she wasn't too far off. 1.3097 0.05907 113 88 15 10
828 I'm afraid it will cost you an arm and a leg. 1.3095 0.04842 126 92 29 5
829 I'm sorry -- that piece wasn't in the box... 1.3095 0.04972 126 93 27 6
830 We found some unexpected things during your colonoscopy. 1.3095 0.05341 126 96 21 9
831 I specialize in eyes, ears, nose, throat, hat, shoes, and mustache. 1.3091 0.05441 110 82 22 6
832 I have a filet mignon in the next room. I think you two would make a perfect pair. 1.3089 0.04916 123 90 28 5
833 Everything looks in place. 1.3089 0.05049 123 91 26 6
834 Is that potato with an "e"? 1.3087 0.04656 149 111 30 8
835 The news isn't great, but I need you to put on a happy face. 1.3083 0.05265 120 90 23 7
836 And those roots are coming out of, where? 1.3083 0.05131 120 89 25 6
837 Do you remember when it was last attached? 1.3083 0.05265 120 90 23 7
838 I'm going to prescribe a nose with no mustache and a bigger smile mouth 1.3077 0.04280 169 125 36 8
839 I'm sorry to tell you that you have Potato Head. 1.3077 0.05216 117 87 24 6
840 Unfortunately the C-scan shows a large tuber 1.3077 0.05333 130 100 20 10
841 I’m happy to report that all of your appendages were retrieved during the colonoscopy. 1.3077 0.05552 130 102 16 12
842 I'm happy to say your surgery was a great success. Everything is back in the right place. 1.3077 0.04783 143 107 28 8
843 Let's see about getting you some legs. 1.3067 0.04725 150 113 28 9
844 Well, the good news is you will never have any knee problems..... 1.3066 0.05340 137 107 18 12
845 I am afraid of people threatening to rearrange my face. 1.3065 0.05144 124 93 24 7
846 Good news. I didn't find any soft spots. 1.3065 0.05631 124 97 16 11
847 Your repeated marijuana use has led to a condition we call "twice baked". 1.3065 0.05513 124 96 18 10
848 I understand you’re feeling empty inside 1.3065 0.05513 124 96 18 10
849 Well, everything seems to be in the right place this time. 1.3065 0.05015 124 92 26 6
850 Your gender reassignment surgery will only take two minutes. 1.3063 0.06110 111 88 12 11
851 'I'm giving you a prescription for a handle bar mustache, a top hat and huge four finger hands' 1.3061 0.06052 98 75 16 7
852 Well you sure have gotten the starch knocked out of you. 1.3060 0.04881 134 100 27 7
853 And you're sure it's your knee that's bothering you, Mr. Head? 1.3058 0.05609 121 94 17 10
854 Now tell me if it hurts if I switch your hat for your eyeball. 1.3058 0.05485 121 93 19 9
855 I'm prescribing new ears, eyes and nose. 1.3058 0.05228 121 91 23 7
856 Mr. Potatohead, your bloodwork indicates you have way too much starch in your diet 1.3056 0.04546 144 106 32 6
857 I suspect that you spend a little too much time on the couch. 1.3053 0.05185 131 100 22 9
858 Unfortunately,your symptoms appear to be all in your head. 1.3053 0.05297 131 101 20 10
859 I’m going to order some sides. 1.3053 0.04953 131 98 26 7
860 Let me just check in my junk drawer to see if I can find you another ear. 1.3051 0.05178 118 88 24 6
861 I’m sorry. It’s blight. 1.3050 0.05127 141 109 21 11
862 We could perform a French frie-ectomy to make you thinner but there are risks! 1.3048 0.06071 105 82 14 9
863 And you say you keep these multiple personas...in your butt? 1.3048 0.06071 105 82 14 9
864 It appears there have been some complications around your gender reassignment surgery. 1.3047 0.05029 128 96 25 7
865 We can rule out any trauma to the knee. 1.3047 0.05384 128 99 19 10
866 How long have you felt half baked. 1.3047 0.05268 128 98 21 9
867 I’m sorry, there’s nothing we can do. To put it bluntly, you’re baked. 1.3043 0.05408 115 87 21 7
868 Fortunately, you're an ideal candidate for a transplant. 1.3041 0.04950 148 114 23 11
869 I hope it isn't inappropriate to say, but I'm a big fan of your work in Toy Story. 1.3040 0.04980 125 93 26 6
870 I’m sorry, but we’re going to have to move around some things. 1.3040 0.05591 125 98 16 11
871 Wait, ALL of your parts are interchangeable?. 1.3040 0.05591 125 98 16 11
872 Well, it's not 'restless leg syndrome' 1.3040 0.05355 125 96 20 9
873 You’re looking very put together today; what seems to be the problem? 1.3040 0.05108 125 94 24 7
874 You have 20-20-20-20-20-20 vision. 1.3040 0.05355 125 96 20 9
875 The procedure has a risk of choking hazard,small parts. 1.3039 0.05709 102 77 19 6
876 My recommendation? A change of face, and you’re a new man. 1.3037 0.05180 135 104 21 10
877 Those extra eyes should probably be removed. 1.3037 0.04734 135 100 29 6
878 The bad news is we have to replace three vital organs. The good news is you don’t require surgery. 1.3036 0.05649 112 86 18 8
879 Your temperature at 350 is concerning me. 1.3033 0.04923 122 90 27 5
880 I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say you haven't been watching your carbs . . . . 1.3032 0.04330 155 114 35 6
881 Please don't leave your mouth at the dentist's next time. 1.3028 0.04792 142 107 27 8
882 I'm afraid your carb levels are just off the scales. 1.3028 0.04996 142 109 23 10
883 Prickly sensations in the face...any other problems? 1.3028 0.04996 142 109 23 10
884 I don't think you have a leg to stand on." 1.3028 0.05607 109 83 19 7
885 Any replacement surgeries I should be aware of? 1.3025 0.05411 119 91 20 8
886 We were able to successfully remove the extra eyes. 1.3023 0.05116 129 98 23 8
887 You're in okay shape, but do you really want to go to France? 1.3023 0.05677 129 103 13 13
888 The results of your rectal exam were . . . interesting. 1.3022 0.04860 139 105 26 8
889 I’m afraid it’s all in your head 1.3020 0.04538 149 111 31 7
890 You need to lose some weight. I recommend we remove your hat, nose, mustache, and feet. 1.3016 0.05318 126 97 20 9
891 You passed the fork test. 1.3015 0.04819 136 102 27 7
892 And how long have you been spelling your name with an "e" 1.3015 0.05040 136 104 23 9
893 Where's your other ear? 1.3009 0.04850 113 82 28 3
894 It appears to be root-rot 1.3009 0.05606 113 87 18 8
895 My diagnosis? Idaho. 1.3009 0.05316 113 85 22 6
896 It's a simple procedure, but it'll cost you and arm and a leg. 1.3008 0.05155 123 93 23 7
897 Your eyes, nose and ears will have to come off. 1.3008 0.05024 123 92 25 6
898 I'm afraid that type of softening comes with age. 1.3008 0.05648 123 97 15 11
899 "So, how do you say 'potato'?" 1.3008 0.05407 123 95 19 9
900 I'm sure you already know this, but you really need to avoid getting baked or fried. 1.3008 0.05407 123 95 19 9
901 So sometimes it feels as if your facial features are rearranged? 1.3008 0.05407 123 95 19 9
902 Good news. Your blight, sprouts, and tuber-culosis tests came back normal." 1.3008 0.04889 133 100 26 7
903 Your overall condition suggests you've been spending too much time on the couch. 1.3008 0.05117 133 102 22 9
904 Not gonna sugarcoat it - you have blight. 1.3008 0.05005 133 101 24 8
905 You’re fine. It’s all in your head. 1.3007 0.05064 143 111 21 11
906 Your stress is almost certainly job-related. Can you find work somewhere other than McDonald's? 1.3000 0.05238 140 110 18 12
907 That IS the problem. You do have eyes in the back of your head. 1.3000 0.05422 130 102 17 11
908 I'm not actually that kind of plastic surgeon. 1.3000 0.04963 130 98 25 7
909 So where were you when you last saw your right arm? 1.3000 0.05081 130 99 23 8
910 Well Mrs. Potatohead,your tests results from Hasbro indicate your transition will be a snap! 1.3000 0.05774 100 76 18 6
911 I have a couple of half-baked ideas for your treatment. 1.3000 0.05104 120 90 24 6
912 You have no legs. 1.2993 0.04671 147 111 28 8
913 Good news! No parts are missing. 1.2993 0.04789 137 103 27 7
914 Gender reassignment surgery is fairly easy in your case. 1.2993 0.04900 137 104 25 8
915 We weren’t able to do the colonoscopy. 1.2993 0.04900 137 104 25 8
916 It says here that your final wishes are to be baked and not mashed. 1.2993 0.04900 137 104 25 8
917 OK you're labs are clear, but you should stay away from butter, sour cream, cheese, bacon, salt, & of course anything fried. 1.2992 0.04913 127 95 26 6
918 It says here you lost some family members in a horrible hash brown incident? 1.2991 0.05328 117 89 21 7
919 I recommend you cut back on the carbs. 1.2991 0.05188 117 88 23 6
920 You say you have a family history of removable parts. 1.2991 0.05188 117 88 23 6
921 The good news is, you are indeed a potato. The bad news is, I'm hungry. 1.2991 0.05328 117 89 21 7
922 There is also a French treatment option. I like it but I don’t think you will. 1.2991 0.05510 107 81 20 6
923 Well, what can I say...you are what we eat. 1.2991 0.05347 107 80 22 5
924 Your BMI is perfect, for a potato. 1.2990 0.05707 97 73 19 5
925 The success of your surgery will depend on the parts department . 1.2990 0.05317 97 71 23 3
926 Perfectly normal 1.2990 0.05892 97 74 17 6
927 Plastic surgery is your only option. 1.2990 0.05892 97 74 17 6
928 You need to cut down on starch. 1.2987 0.04619 154 117 28 9
929 It says here that you also have a bucket of parts? 1.2986 0.04836 144 110 25 9
930 Can you be more specific about how your life is falling to pieces? 1.2985 0.04972 134 102 24 8
931 You might want to go easy on the sour cream for a while. 1.2985 0.04858 134 101 26 7
932 Congratulations on the birth of your tater tots. 1.2984 0.05245 124 95 21 8
933 You've changed since we last met. 1.2984 0.05369 124 96 19 9
934 I'm afraid I have bad news for you. You'll be baked in a week. 1.2984 0.05245 124 95 21 8
935 Mr. po-TAH-to? Sorry if I'm miss-pronouncing it. 1.2984 0.04989 124 93 25 6
936 You're spending way too much time on the couch 1.2982 0.05563 114 88 18 8
937 Put on your happy face. 1.2982 0.05421 114 87 20 7
938 Sorry we called you in before your test results were ready. Big misunderstanding when I asked the nurse for Head. 1.2981 0.06092 104 82 13 9
939 I'm sorry, Mr Head - your soft gray blemishes have metastasized and you have no pulse. Do you have a Do Not Mash Me order in place? 1.2981 0.05937 104 81 15 8
940 Your headaches are likely related to the plastic spike jammed into your skull. 1.2979 0.04905 141 108 24 9
941 For a potato your age, that is a perfectly normal amount of eyes. 1.2977 0.04809 131 98 27 6
942 I've seen tuberculosis before, but this is ridiculous. 1.2977 0.04809 131 98 27 6
943 You’ll have to tell Mrs Potato-head that Amazon no longer sells that part 1.2975 0.05333 121 93 20 8
944 I'll step outside while you take off your face. 1.2975 0.05202 121 92 22 7
945 So, Mr. Russett, I'm prescribing Atkins. 1.2973 0.05808 111 87 15 9
946 OK, if you could just remove your hat and shoes, as well as your mustache, ears, eyes, arms and eyebrows I'll start the exam. 1.2970 0.06221 101 80 12 9
947 Why, yes, I would say we are more than the sum of our parts. Why do you ask? 1.2970 0.05724 101 77 18 6
948 No more stuffing yourself with butter, bacon and sour cream. 1.2970 0.05179 101 74 24 3
949 Well, you're looking chipper, Mr. Potatohead...er, sorry! 1.2969 0.05005 128 97 24 7
950 Good news. The tests came back today and you're a benign tuber. 1.2969 0.05245 128 99 20 9
951 You need to stay off the couch and get more exercise. 1.2969 0.05245 128 99 20 9
952 Hmm, so it looks like tuber-culosis. 1.2969 0.05005 128 97 24 7
953 The genetic test is positive -- Irish-Russian. 1.2966 0.05289 118 90 21 7
954 It seems you’re eating too much starch.” 1.2966 0.05150 118 89 23 6
955 So your chart lists your occupation as “You Tuber.” Tell me more about that. 1.2963 0.05305 108 81 22 5
956 I'm sorry, I can't recommend a knee replacement. 1.2963 0.05773 108 84 16 8
957 Congrats, You are a perfect donor for your wife. 1.2960 0.05208 125 96 21 8
958 You're starch level is too high , you have a lot of dirt in your ears , but your eyes are fine . 1.2957 0.04779 115 84 28 3
959 Way too many carbs. 1.2957 0.05236 115 87 22 6
960 At your age, the first thing to go is the legs. 1.2957 0.05380 115 88 20 7
961 Good news! You show no signs of being half-baked. 1.2957 0.05089 115 86 24 5
962 Sorry, We can exchange everything but at your core, you’ll still be a potato. 1.2955 0.04898 132 100 25 7
963 Do you have a history of French fries in your family? 1.2955 0.05456 132 105 15 12
964 I recommend cutting back on salt, butter and sour cream... 1.2953 0.04903 149 116 22 11
965 Okay, according to your chart, last name “Potato,” first name “Head.” And the reason for your visit is “Legs too short to dance.” Do I have that right, Mr Head? 1.2952 0.05567 105 80 19 6
966 Your request to become Mrs. Potato Head is possible, just take of your hat and mustache! 1.2951 0.05544 122 96 16 10
967 Fine. Get a second opinion, but I’ll still be a doctor and you’ll still be a potato. 1.2951 0.05421 122 95 18 9
968 This is a routine exam, no need for me to take you apart. 1.2947 0.06147 95 74 14 7
969 You’ve got three options: baked, fried or, my personal recommendation, mashed with butter and chives. 1.2946 0.05476 112 86 19 7
970 As I suspected,it appears to be a rather sizable tuber. 1.2946 0.05327 112 85 21 6
971 Were you in Idaho during the pandemic? 1.2946 0.04971 129 98 24 7
972 So is your advanced directive baked or French fries? 1.2941 0.05384 119 92 19 8
973 Looks like we are still waiting for your insurance to approve the prior authorization to remove your hat. 1.2941 0.05250 119 91 21 7
974 I'm sorry to have to tell you, but you've got tuber-culosis. 1.2941 0.05843 102 79 16 7
975 BMI is not short for boiled, mashed or instant. 1.2941 0.05642 119 94 15 10
976 Headaches - got it. Any pain in the lower body? 1.2937 0.04637 143 108 28 7
977 My advice—go easy on the carbs. 1.2937 0.04845 143 110 24 9
978 You might want to pop in your angry eyes before you hear this. 1.2937 0.05294 126 98 19 9
979 Your vision is great! 20/20/20/20/20/20/20/20! 1.2937 0.05294 126 98 19 9
980 Now, for your tuber-culosis vaccine. 1.2937 0.04921 126 95 25 6
981 Sorry, but I don’t know of any way you can save face. 1.2937 0.04790 126 94 27 5
982 Take two pats of butter and call me in the morning. 1.2937 0.04790 126 94 27 5
983 So you feel like you have eyes growing out of the back of your head? 1.2936 0.05099 109 81 24 4
984 I’m having a hard time pulling myself together Doc - I really got smashed last night! 1.2936 0.05422 109 83 20 6
985 Actually, your lucky not to have any. Knees are nothing but trouble. 1.2936 0.05422 109 83 20 6
986 No worries your health is fine. You’ll live forever. You’re made of plastic. 1.2936 0.05873 109 86 14 9
987 Well, I have to admit that your sex reassignment surgery was much easier than I anticipated. 1.2932 0.04626 133 99 29 5
988 You seem to be addicted to plastic cosmetic procedures. 1.2932 0.04866 133 101 25 7
989 If you find your other ear, do come in so I can take a look. 1.2932 0.04501 133 98 31 4
990 The test confirms that you have eyes in the back of your head. 1.2932 0.04981 133 102 23 8
991 No worries, not being able to find your extremities comes with aging. 1.2932 0.05094 133 103 21 9
992 A little sour cream and some chives and you'll be perfect. 1.2931 0.05051 116 87 24 5
993 Really, I need you naked for a complete physical. No hat. No shoes. 1.2931 0.05051 116 87 24 5
994 I can do the nose job, but I'll have to order the part. 1.2929 0.05788 99 76 17 6
995 Last question: How did you hop up there? 1.2929 0.05788 99 76 17 6
996 I’m referring you to a potiarist. 1.2929 0.05964 99 77 15 7
997 If the kids won’t give you your right arm back, we can order one. 1.2929 0.05607 99 75 19 5
998 But you identify as a french fry. 1.2929 0.05420 99 74 21 4
999 Have you considered becoming an organ donor? 1.2927 0.05257 123 95 20 8
1000 As I told you at your last exam, your high potassium levels are hereditary. 1.2927 0.05382 123 96 18 9
1001 Only two eyes but otherwise perfectly healthy. 1.2927 0.05128 123 94 22 7
1002 They're all interchangeable, really. We could, say, put your ear where your nose is... 1.2927 0.04861 123 92 26 5
1003 So you lost your right arm? 1.2925 0.05356 106 80 21 5
1004 I’m sorry sir, but the problem appears to be entirely in your head. 1.2925 0.05990 106 84 13 9
1005 You have a large tuberous growth, located, well, I guess you'd say, all over 1.2925 0.05522 106 81 19 6
1006 Actually, you are in pretty good shape for your age, I have never seen a potato with just two eyes! 1.2923 0.04690 130 97 28 5
1007 The procedure went excellent Mr. Head, all your parts are back in place. 1.2923 0.04429 130 95 32 3
1008 Seriously, you need to get off the couch once in a while. 1.2923 0.04690 130 97 28 5
1009 Let's talk about carbs. 1.2920 0.05433 113 87 19 7
1010 Have you tried getting off the couch? 1.2920 0.04978 113 84 25 4
1011 I'd recommend you stay away from oil. 1.2917 0.05345 120 93 19 8
1012 It won’t be so easy this time. You need a new liver. 1.2917 0.05908 96 74 16 6
1013 Well, sir, we now understand why Mrs. Potato Head has been unable to conceive. 1.2917 0.05908 96 74 16 6
1014 You gotta lower your carb intake. 1.2909 0.05379 110 84 20 6
1015 I'd suggest laying off the starchy foods. 1.2908 0.04884 141 109 23 9
1016 In order to do a full physical, I'll need you to take your hat off. And how did you get up there without a stool? 1.2906 0.05571 117 92 16 9
1017 Unfortunately,Mr. Head,all the available donor organs have square pegs. 1.2906 0.05702 117 93 14 10
1018 So I see the facial reconstruction surgery went well! 1.2906 0.05159 117 89 22 6
1019 The good news is you don’t have varicose veins; the bad news is you don’t have legs! 1.2906 0.05300 117 90 20 7
1020 So. how do you feel when people say you have eyes in the back of your head? 1.2903 0.05634 93 70 19 4
1021 And how long have "eyes" been appearing? 1.2901 0.04784 131 99 26 6
1022 You’re going to have to avoid butter and sour cream, but chives are okay. 1.2901 0.04905 131 100 24 7
1023 Doctor, I can’t feel my legs. 1.2901 0.04905 131 100 24 7
1024 You're definitely a head case. 1.2901 0.04400 131 96 32 3
1025 You have ingrown knees. 1.2900 0.05738 100 77 17 6
1026 Well, I can get you a new hat, but I’m afraid your insurance doesn’t cover a separate torso. 1.2900 0.05738 100 77 17 6
1027 Let’s see if we can get that smile back. 1.2897 0.05145 107 80 23 4
1028 No legs or torso" is no longer considered to be a pre-existing condition 1.2897 0.05145 107 80 23 4
1029 I’d say all your problems really are in your head. 1.2895 0.04781 114 84 27 3
1030 I'm glad you came to me. You're not suitable for doctors 2 and under. 1.2895 0.04941 114 85 25 4
1031 I'm prescribing sour cream. 1.2895 0.05096 114 86 23 5
1032 Your insurance doesn't cover a new hat. 1.2895 0.05096 114 86 23 5
1033 The test results are back. You are not Irish. 1.2895 0.05534 114 89 17 8
1034 You say you feel hot, fried, and spend too much time on the couch? 1.2895 0.05534 114 89 17 8
1035 Unfortunately, this operation is going to cost an arm and an ear. 1.2893 0.05434 121 95 17 9
1036 How long have you identified as Barbie ? 1.2893 0.05434 121 95 17 9
1037 You’ve gotta cut down on carbs. 1.2893 0.04901 121 91 25 5
1038 I'll give you a prescription for some new plastic parts. 1.2893 0.04901 121 91 25 5
1039 Well, you seem to have an eye growing down there. 1.2893 0.05306 121 94 19 8
1040 Just for clarification, do you pronounce it 'Potato' or ' Potahto'?" (Marie Slepin, Walla Walla WA 1.2893 0.05040 121 92 23 6
1041 Your lab results came back--it looks as if you're missing a torso. 1.2891 0.04979 128 98 23 7
1042 I recommend cutting down to just two nose changes a day. 1.2887 0.05276 97 72 22 3
1043 I completely understand, but before we have a conversation about Viagra, maybe we should talk to Hasbro first. 1.2887 0.06035 97 76 14 7
1044 I agree, if it were up to me I wouldn't call you a vegetable either. 1.2885 0.04864 104 76 26 2
1045 Your in excellent shape, all of your parts seem to be in the right places Stay away from any kitchens until after the holidays and I'll see you next year 1.2885 0.05579 104 80 18 6
1046 "Looks like the knee surgery went well." 1.2885 0.05744 104 81 16 7
1047 Technically the hat is not a prosthetic. 1.2885 0.05234 104 78 22 4
1048 When did your legs begin to shrink? 1.2883 0.05337 111 85 20 6
1049 I'm not so much worried about the size of your feet. 1.2883 0.05779 111 88 14 9
1050 I'm sorry, Mr. Head... you seem seem to be in a persistent vegetative state. 1.2883 0.05488 111 86 18 7
1051 Seems like you have all your parts, and in all the right places. 1.2881 0.05260 118 91 20 7
1052 Unfortunately, it’s just as we thought - Tuberculosis 1.2881 0.05121 118 90 22 6
1053 Have your sinus issues improved now that your nose is back in the middle of your face? 1.2881 0.05260 118 91 20 7
1054 What you're doing to your body is no longer funny." 1.2880 0.05183 125 97 20 8
1055 Before I begin, let me ask you if you are indeed an actual Idaho potato. 1.2880 0.05306 125 98 18 9
1056 Good news, you don't have a brain tuber. 1.2872 0.05583 94 71 19 4
1057 Well, Spud, everything looks pretty good. Just stay away from the butter and sour cream. 1.2872 0.05374 94 70 21 3
1058 You've got potatoes in your ears. 1.2872 0.05978 94 73 15 6
1059 It appears you're allergic to meatloaf and gravy. 1.2871 0.05688 101 78 17 6
1060 My daughter will be performing the operation. 1.2870 0.05057 115 87 23 5
1061 Your torso hurts? 1.2870 0.05206 115 88 21 6
1062 I'm afraid the problem you've reported with your knees is all in your head. 1.2869 0.05004 122 93 23 6
1063 The good news is, you don't need knee surgery. 1.2868 0.04885 136 105 23 8
1064 Sorry about the kids in the waiting room. 1.2868 0.05103 136 107 19 10
1065 Are you sure you want to be reassembled? 1.2868 0.04772 136 104 25 7
1066 And after making these small changes, my guess is you're not going to recognise yourself. 1.2867 0.04824 143 111 23 9
1067 I can refer you to a great cataract surgeon; or we can just wait for new eyes. 1.2857 0.04893 126 96 24 6
1068 You will have to see a specialist for those parts. 1.2857 0.05981 98 77 14 7
1069 Usually, people wait until I ask them to take off their clothes. 1.2857 0.04982 112 84 24 4
1070 What do you mean they won't come off? 1.2857 0.05365 105 80 20 5
1071 Have you thought about cutting carbs? 1.2857 0.04957 133 103 22 8
1072 So Spud, you're concern is that Mrs. Potato Head says you're more dud than stud? 1.2857 0.05696 91 69 18 4
1073 In your case, six feet under might not be so bad. 1.2857 0.05365 105 80 20 5
1074 Sorry to have alarmed you. What I said was that I've never seen a larger TUBER. 1.2857 0.05855 105 83 14 8
1075 Im sorry, it's a tuber. 1.2857 0.05356 119 93 18 8
1076 For your age, you look very well put together. 1.2857 0.05477 91 68 20 3
1077 I'm afraid you're going to have to cut down on your starch. 1.2857 0.05356 119 93 18 8
1078 It looks like tuberculosis. 1.2857 0.05696 91 69 18 4
1079 I see here you have a long history of blight in your family. 1.2857 0.05012 105 78 24 3
1080 There's nothing wrong with you that a little salt and butter can't fix. 1.2857 0.05387 126 100 16 10
1081 You don't have to put on a brave face for me... 1.2857 0.05083 119 91 22 6
1082 Your annual physical shows that you’ve been Baked, Boiled, Fried, Mashed, Whipped, and Shredded…looks like you’ve been through the Grinder! 1.2846 0.04912 130 100 23 7
1083 OK, so what exactly hurts you? Your head? Your legs...oh, sorry. I see the problem now. 1.2846 0.05032 130 101 21 8
1084 In most cases, missing an entire limb would be an issue 1.2846 0.05101 123 95 21 7
1085 Looks like a benign tuber 1.2845 0.05020 116 88 23 5
1086 Longer legs, sure. Spud, you are God's gift to the prosthetics industry. 1.2845 0.05167 116 89 21 6
1087 Your tests are all negative. I think your symptoms are in your head. 1.2845 0.05310 116 90 19 7
1088 So you're having difficulty removing the examination table? 1.2844 0.05389 109 84 19 6
1089 This is what happens when you hold your sneezes in. 1.2843 0.05973 102 81 13 8
1090 I like your mustache; do you think I can pull it off? 1.2843 0.05464 102 78 19 5
1091 I’m afraid it’s a tumor not a tuber. 1.2842 0.05731 95 73 17 5
1092 Bake yourself for 45 minutes at 350 degrees, then call me in the morning. 1.2841 0.06036 88 68 15 5
1093 Ordinarily transplantation is serious but, in your case, it would be ‘plug and play.’ 1.2835 0.04987 127 98 22 7
1094 This, unfortunately, is what happens when you ignore the signs of tuber-culosis. 1.2833 0.05317 120 94 18 8
1095 We can skip the prostate exam. 1.2832 0.05254 113 87 20 6
1096 Lucky for you, the transplant will be a quick procedure. 1.2832 0.04782 113 84 26 3
1097 I’m afraid your plastics level is a problem now. 1.2832 0.05547 113 89 16 8
1098 On further consideration, gender reassignment surgery should be a breeze. 1.2832 0.05402 113 88 18 7
1099 I think we can rule out a Prostate exam. 1.2832 0.05254 113 87 20 6
1100 Your glucose levels are quite high. 1.2830 0.05321 106 81 20 5
1101 About that recurring potato masher dream. 1.2830 0.05321 106 81 20 5
1102 Well, let's not get a head of ourselves... 1.2830 0.05648 106 83 16 7
1103 For insurance, we'll need the last four of your universal product code. 1.2826 0.06051 92 72 14 6
1104 Yes, I know more than all the king's horses 1.2826 0.06051 92 72 14 6
1105 All of your test results are in. Just as I suspected, it's all in your head. 1.2826 0.05426 92 69 20 3
1106 I don’t think a chiropractor would be of much help. 1.2826 0.05642 92 70 18 4
1107 I'd recommend cutting back on dairy products like butter and sour cream. 1.2823 0.05192 124 97 19 8
1108 You can put your pants back on now. 1.2823 0.05192 124 97 19 8
1109 All your eyes are in need of prescriptions. I hope you have good insurance. 1.2821 0.05408 117 92 17 8
1110 You may feel a little worn-out, but at this age be thankful all your parts are still attached. 1.2821 0.05408 117 92 17 8
1111 If the Vigrow doesn’t help, try immersing your lower parts in a large vat of water for a couple of weeks. 1.2821 0.05128 117 90 21 6
1112 Your labs came back lumpy. 1.2821 0.05270 117 91 19 7
1113 You seem to be missing the most important attachment. 1.2818 0.05024 110 83 23 4
1114 When did you first notice it was missing? 1.2818 0.05024 110 83 23 4
1115 Your spare limb arrived from Toys 'R' Us. 1.2818 0.05500 110 86 17 7
1116 The good news is your tuber is benign 1.2816 0.05590 103 80 17 6
1117 Yes,we can do your lips 1.2816 0.05418 103 79 19 5
1118 I think a sour cream and chive diet is ill-advised. 1.2815 0.04778 135 104 24 7
1119 Your DNA test came back. You are actually 50% sweet potato. 1.2812 0.05868 96 75 15 6
1120 I'm sorry. You have tubers. 1.2810 0.05010 121 93 22 6
1121 Potassium, good. 1.2809 0.05977 89 69 15 5
1122 I can replace your eyes, ears and nose but we’ll need to call in a specialist for the hat. 1.2807 0.05361 114 89 18 7
1123 Your options are boiled, baked, mashed, fries, or chips. 1.2804 0.05757 107 85 14 8
1124 I think that you should quit while you're ahead. 1.2804 0.05908 107 86 12 9
1125 It seems your insurance no longer covers replacement limbs by HASBRO. Would you consider a 3D printer? 1.2804 0.05442 107 83 18 6
1126 I’m sorry I have to tell you, but you test came back positive for hash browns. 1.2800 0.04899 125 96 23 6
1127 You need more protein 1.2800 0.05156 125 98 19 8
1128 On the bright side, think of how many people only wish they could have eyes on the back of their head. 1.2800 0.05519 100 77 18 5
1129 May I ask your pronouns? 1.2800 0.05874 100 79 14 7
1130 Using medical marijuana does mean, sir, that you'll be opening yourself up to a lot of "You're a baked potato." 1.2800 0.05140 100 75 22 3
1131 And how's that new nose we attached last time working out for you 1.2800 0.05140 100 75 22 3
1132 How long have you identified as a zucchini? 1.2797 0.05501 118 94 15 9
1133 I’m pleased to share that every eye I removed has come back negative. 1.2797 0.05631 118 95 13 10
1134 Well, Mr. Potato Head, there's no easy way to say this, but, you're missing all of your vital organs. 1.2796 0.06185 93 74 12 7
1135 Your blood pressure is quite high, you should stay away from mashed potatoes. 1.2794 0.04972 136 107 20 9
1136 I'm afraid I have to ask ... buried, cremated or mashed? 1.2793 0.05303 111 86 19 6
1137 Fortunately for you, amputation is non-invasive and totally reversible. 1.2793 0.05303 111 86 19 6
1138 All seams to be ok except perhaps one little thing. 1.2791 0.04919 129 100 22 7
1139 Going by these results it’s all in your head. 1.2791 0.06544 86 69 10 7
1140 I'm sorry to tell you that we found a tuber. 1.2789 0.04902 147 117 19 11
1141 We all fall apart as we get older. 1.2788 0.05543 104 81 17 6
1142 We just need to replace your ears, eyes, shoes, hat, nose, pants and mouth - then you'll be as good as new. 1.2788 0.05372 104 80 19 5
1143 Well Mr. P, all of your eyes seem fine. 1.2788 0.05372 104 80 19 5
1144 '"Im afraid it's going to have to come off." 1.2788 0.05012 104 78 23 3
1145 I'm sorry, Mr. Potato Head. I'm going to need to refer you to a plastic surgeon. 1.2788 0.05709 104 82 15 7
1146 The medical term is dissociative identity disorder. 1.2787 0.04836 122 93 24 5
1147 By adding the mustache and different hat, your transition from Mrs. Potato Head is complete. 1.2787 0.05109 122 95 20 7
1148 Unfortunately, your packaging said, Penis not included. 1.2784 0.06173 97 78 11 8
1149 You need to stop treating your body like a plaything. 1.2784 0.05627 97 75 17 5
1150 I'm sorry you have nobody. I mean no body. 1.2784 0.05997 97 77 13 7
1151 Go easy on the carbs! 1.2784 0.05022 97 72 23 2
1152 Please remove your face, arms ears and shoes. The hat can stay. 1.2784 0.05997 97 77 13 7
1153 Hmm. I think I’m going to send you for a microwave. 1.2783 0.05319 115 90 18 7
1154 Have you tried putting your arm where mustache is? 1.2783 0.05174 115 89 20 6
1155 On a scale of one to ten: How baked do you feel? 1.2783 0.05174 115 89 20 6
1156 Good news! You still have only two eyes. 1.2778 0.05709 108 86 14 8
1157 My nurse tells me you're worried about the new eyes you keep growing. 1.2778 0.05556 108 85 16 7
1158 Are you sure about the plastic surgery? 1.2778 0.04865 126 97 23 6
1159 The reason you were having trouble hearing in your right ear was because it had been shoved up your backside. 1.2773 0.05192 119 93 19 7
1160 Mr. Head, Your Carb levels are still too high. I'd also like for you to work on building up your arms. 1.2773 0.05053 119 92 21 6
1161 And with respect to surgery, we've literally got tons of options. 1.2772 0.05822 101 80 14 7
1162 Your sedentary lifestyle precedes you. 1.2772 0.05472 101 78 18 5
1163 Don’t worry, the problem with your skin peeling is normal.” 1.2772 0.05822 101 80 14 7
1164 With Thanksgiving fast approaching, you might consider going off the grid. 1.2772 0.05650 101 79 16 6
1165 Unfortunately, your insurance does not cover replacement parts. 1.2772 0.05288 101 77 20 4
1166 So sir, you feel like there are eyes in the back of your head? 1.2769 0.04886 130 101 22 7
1167 You must eliminate starch and see me again in 3 weeks 1.2769 0.04505 130 98 28 4
1168 Peeling any better? 1.2768 0.04947 112 85 23 4
1169 Now about your complaint of ED, Mr. Head, I think I see the problem. 1.2766 0.05538 94 72 18 4
1170 Try to cut down on starch. 1.2764 0.04939 123 95 22 6
1171 Removing the eyes in the back of your head won't involve a full peel. 1.2764 0.05202 123 97 18 8
1172 I’m going to refer you to an eye doctor. 1.2762 0.05152 105 80 21 4
1173 I'd advise you to spend a little less time on the couch. 1.2761 0.04900 134 105 21 8
1174 Your bloodwork confirms that you’re a good source of potassium. 1.2759 0.04987 116 89 22 5
1175 You say you’ve been having nightmares about french fries? 1.2759 0.04834 116 88 24 4
1176 You're in fine health. Just be very, very careful getting down from there. 1.2755 0.05385 98 75 19 4
1177 You need to spend a little more time at the gym and a little less on the couch. 1.2755 0.05385 98 75 19 4
1178 You say you feel like you're missing something? 1.2755 0.06116 98 79 11 8
1179 I'm afraid it's the famine. 1.2747 0.05861 91 71 15 5
1180 'Your surgical history's quite extensive: two hip replacements, both arms, rhinoplasty, multiple eye jobs, . . . ." 1.2747 0.05861 91 71 15 5
1181 Good news! Your test results revealed a tuber, not a tumor... 1.2747 0.05861 91 71 15 5
1182 Good news, there is a cure. Bad news, it entails being submerged in a jacuzzi of boiling oil before being cut to pieces and having salt poured into your wounds… 1.2747 0.06066 91 72 13 6
1183 You may get dressed now. 1.2747 0.05861 91 71 15 5
1184 Report here says your brain is mush... I mean mashed. But better than fried. 1.2747 0.05649 91 70 17 4
1185 Plastic surgery? 1.2745 0.05242 102 78 20 4
1186 Your butter and chive levels are through the roof ! 1.2745 0.05424 102 79 18 5
1187 So good news...we go in the box,snap the new one in place and off you go 1.2743 0.05067 113 87 21 5
1188 I recommend rubbing oil on your skin to keep it soft. 1.2742 0.05036 124 97 20 7
1189 Glad to see you are so well put together, Mr. P. 1.2742 0.04904 124 96 22 6
1190 It appears that all of your parts are firmly intact. 1.2742 0.05164 124 98 18 8
1191 On the bright side, most people thought you would be dead by now. 1.2738 0.05449 84 63 19 2
1192 Your eyesight is good but you need new ears. 1.2738 0.05706 84 64 17 3
1193 Well,you seem to have all your parts. 1.2738 0.05706 84 64 17 3
1194 Let’s turn that frown upside down. 1.2737 0.05487 95 73 18 4
1195 Exactly how many growth hormone pills have you been taking every day, Mr. Peanut?” 1.2737 0.05687 95 74 16 5
1196 If you cut down on the butter, bacon bits, sour cream, cheese, and all that stuff, you'll be in better shape, but you'll lose most of your friends. 1.2737 0.06068 95 76 12 7
1197 It's the Ozempic face that concerns me, doctor. 1.2737 0.05687 95 74 16 5
1198 So you're feeling empty inside... any other symptoms? 1.2737 0.05687 95 74 16 5
1199 How long have you been peeling poorly? 1.2736 0.05283 106 82 19 5
1200 Let's try a different nose this time. 1.2736 0.05110 106 81 21 4
1201 Your coverage allows for 1.6 replacement parts per year. Let's talk about your options and priorities. 1.2736 0.05451 106 83 17 6
1202 What are your pronouns again? 1.2736 0.05283 106 82 19 5
1203 I could prescribe you viagra, but in your case, I feel like there's a much easier solution. 1.2736 0.05283 106 82 19 5
1204 Meniscus tear? I'm not so sure. 1.2736 0.04746 106 79 25 2
1205 I suggest 350 degrees for an hour. You can stay in longer, but your skin will toughen. 1.2736 0.05925 106 86 11 9
1206 I recommend 450 degrees for one hour instead of the deep fryer. 1.2735 0.04949 117 90 22 5
1207 For your own health, I am advising you to quit getting loaded. 1.2735 0.04642 117 88 26 3
1208 We can tackle the third eye today, but I'm afraid you'll need a referral for the missing ear. 1.2735 0.04798 117 89 24 4
1209 Have you tried taking that frown and turning it upside down? 1.2734 0.04798 128 99 23 6
1210 I don't know how to say this, but there's an ear where your genitals should be 1.2734 0.05048 128 101 19 8
1211 I'll briefly step out of the room so you can remove your body parts. 1.2727 0.05337 99 76 19 4
1212 According our records, you've had a lot of body parts replaced. 1.2727 0.05151 110 85 20 5
1213 I'm afraid you have tuber culosis. 1.2727 0.05710 99 78 15 6
1214 Frankly, your knee-reflex is... well, non-existent. 1.2727 0.05151 110 85 20 5
1215 Let's try Viagra until your replacement part arrives. 1.2727 0.04695 121 92 25 4
1216 Your genetic profile says you are more Idaho than Irish." 1.2727 0.05151 110 85 20 5
1217 Dietwise, I recommend that you avoid being fried food. 1.2727 0.04778 143 113 21 9
1218 The good news is you can do a knee replacement at home. 1.2727 0.06203 88 70 12 6
1219 You think we're toying with you? 1.2727 0.06410 88 71 10 7
1220 Your labs look pretty good but you should cut down on your carbs. 1.2721 0.04722 136 106 23 7
1221 You need to cut down on the carbohydrates. 1.2720 0.05128 125 99 18 8
1222 Good news: Your parts are intact until preschool opens tomorrow. Bad news: Mike Johnson thinks Mr. Potato Head is part of some gay agenda. 1.2720 0.05252 125 100 16 9
1223 And when did you first notice that your legs had disappeared? 1.2719 0.04871 114 87 23 4
1224 Everyone gets wrinkles; it's just that yours are tastier. 1.2718 0.05378 103 80 18 5
1225 And you say Mrs P.H. uses your missing appendage alone? 1.2718 0.05885 103 83 12 8
1226 Your pronoun of choice, please. 1.2718 0.05198 103 79 20 4
1227 I might have misunderstood you. After 3 beers did you feel Smashed? or Mashed? 1.2718 0.06045 103 84 10 9
1228 How often are you losing your pieces? 1.2717 0.05377 92 70 19 3
1229 You’re afraid your wife’s going to leave you? She already Hasbro. 1.2717 0.06007 92 73 13 6
1230 Of course, you're obese. You're a potato! 1.2717 0.05595 92 71 17 4
1231 Your replacement parts are pending under couch retrieval. 1.2712 0.05337 118 94 16 8
1232 Do you sometimes feel like you're a potato? 1.2710 0.05240 107 83 19 5
1233 And do you find yourself falling to pieces over trivial matters? 1.2710 0.05566 107 85 15 7
1234 Yes, you're in great shape for another presidential run. 1.2710 0.05722 107 86 13 8
1235 You’re in luck: Mrs. Potato Head is an exact donor match. 1.2710 0.05405 107 84 17 6
1236 Your carbohydrates are on the high side. 1.2708 0.05826 96 76 14 6
1237 Talk to Mr. peanut about his diet. 1.2708 0.05017 96 72 22 2
1238 At least you won't have knee problems later. 1.2705 0.04943 122 95 21 6
1239 There’s the matter of you storing spare parts near your prostate… 1.2705 0.05339 122 98 15 9
1240 Your tests show good levels of calcium, potassium, vitamin C but we’ve got to watch the starch. 1.2705 0.04804 122 94 23 5
1241 How long have you had these feelings that you came up from dirt 1.2705 0.04804 122 94 23 5
1242 Good news - you are benign tuber. 1.2703 0.05571 111 89 14 8
1243 Radiation therapy shrank the tumor, and made the entire oncology wing smell like tater tots. 1.2703 0.05422 111 88 16 7
1244 And stay away from the fryer. 1.2703 0.04948 111 85 22 4
1245 Good news, it’s not blight. 1.2703 0.04779 111 84 24 3
1246 The rhinoplasty worked great but if you don’t like it I can switch it out in about 2 minutes 1.2703 0.05111 111 86 20 5
1247 You misinterpreted quit while you’re a head. Go back to work. 1.2700 0.05478 100 78 17 5
1248 The results aren't good. You might want to put on your sad eyes. 1.2697 0.06140 89 71 12 6
1249 Your son will be a vegetable. 1.2697 0.06543 89 73 8 8
1250 You need to eases up on the butter and sour cream... 1.2697 0.05929 89 70 14 5
1251 In your case, plastic surgery will be quick and easy, but I don't think it's going to give you the natural look you're hoping for. 1.2697 0.05709 89 69 16 4
1252 I’ll refer you to a toddler who can rearrange your face. 1.2696 0.04674 115 87 25 3
1253 Based on our results, we've found that you're struggling with something called,"Couch Potato Disorder" 1.2696 0.05287 115 91 17 7
1254 Can remember anything about when it might’ve fallen off? 1.2696 0.05429 115 92 15 8
1255 I think it's time to start backing off the carbs. 1.2696 0.04835 115 88 23 4
1256 Where would you like me to stick the thermometer? 1.2696 0.05141 115 90 19 6
1257 It seems you’ve been spending a little too much time on the couch. 1.2696 0.05287 115 91 17 7
1258 Avoid the stove at all costs and stay away from dairy products! 1.2696 0.04990 115 89 21 5
1259 Yes, you're able to have tots, however... 1.2692 0.05098 130 104 17 9
1260 Nothing a little salt and ketchup won't fix. 1.2692 0.05505 104 82 16 6
1261 The newest GMOs have proven quite effective. 1.2692 0.04970 104 79 22 3
1262 I'm going to refer you to a plastic surgeon 1.2689 0.04728 119 91 24 4
1263 Today the ears, tomorrow the nose job, but we have to work on that smile. 1.2689 0.04575 119 90 26 3
1264 Sure, we can change everything, but it's going to cost you an arm and a leg. 1.2689 0.05297 119 95 16 8
1265 It's a simple nose job. 1.2688 0.05542 93 72 17 4
1266 Insurance won’t cover the hat transplant — it’s cosmetic. 1.2688 0.05749 93 73 15 5
1267 Insurance covers the eyes and nose but not the hat. 1.2688 0.05542 93 72 17 4
1268 It's quite normal for you to retain water. 1.2685 0.04853 108 82 23 3
1269 Good news and bad news. The good news is, you're fine. The bad news is, I'm starving. 1.2685 0.05361 108 85 17 6
1270 You say that you hardly recognize yourself? 1.2685 0.05361 108 85 17 6
1271 Lucky you! You don't even have a prostate. 1.2685 0.05361 108 85 17 6
1272 I'm concerned about your BMI. 1.2685 0.05197 108 84 19 5
1273 The results are negative, so you can go swap out your face for a happier expression. 1.2685 0.04853 108 82 23 3
1274 My condolences to the loss of your wife to a deep fryer accident 1.2683 0.05768 82 63 16 3
1275 Take off your legs and lie down so we can get started. 1.2683 0.05042 123 97 19 7
1276 I think it’s Covid, but I can’t rule out Tuber-culosis 1.2683 0.04770 123 95 23 5
1277 We definitely can make changes to your face, but looking “like Tom Selleck is not doable 1.2683 0.05768 82 63 16 3
1278 I see you've had some work done. 1.2680 0.05584 97 76 16 5
1279 And how would you rate the pain of your trauma after witnessing ketchup on fries? 1.2680 0.05773 97 77 14 6
1280 I'm sorry to tell you that you have a tuber. 1.2680 0.05773 97 77 14 6
1281 I'm sorry, sir, but your insurance company doesn't cover 'transitioning to Mrs. Potato Head'. 1.2679 0.05379 112 89 16 7
1282 It says here they dressed you up and threw you down the stairs? 1.2679 0.05670 112 91 12 9
1283 Have you tried simply avoiding the Barbie aisle? 1.2679 0.04909 112 86 22 4
1284 I have the results from your biopsy. Unfortunately, it’s a tuber. 1.2679 0.04743 112 85 24 3
1285 Just as I suspected..tuberculosis. 1.2674 0.06282 86 69 11 6
1286 Sir, this is your 5th plastic surgery appointment this week. 1.2674 0.05830 86 67 15 4
1287 I know I look put together on the outside, but I feel empty inside. 1.2674 0.05830 86 67 15 4
1288 Yes, I know you don't usually fill that hole, but a prostate exam is recommended at your age. 1.2673 0.05245 101 78 19 4
1289 I have bad news, try not to fall to pieces... 1.2673 0.05610 101 80 15 6
1290 OK, once more. No, ED medication won't help you. 1.2673 0.05430 101 79 17 5
1291 You say you are chastized by other spuds because you only have two eyse? 1.2673 0.04852 101 76 23 2
1292 I'm afraid it's going to cost you an arm and a leg...and maybe an ear. 1.2672 0.05387 116 93 15 8
1293 Watch the ketchup intake. 1.2667 0.05458 105 83 16 6
1294 So you say you're having problems in the sack? 1.2667 0.06079 90 72 12 6
1295 I’m sorry, Idaho is out of network. 1.2667 0.05288 105 82 18 5
1296 I said...new ears aren't shipping for another 5 months. 1.2667 0.05288 105 82 18 5
1297 I know you thought you saw blood, but it was just ketchup 1.2667 0.05428 90 69 18 3
1298 You need to stretch your legs. 1.2667 0.05784 105 85 12 8
1299 You have enough fiber but you need to exercise more 1.2667 0.05288 105 82 18 5
1300 No, not tumor; tuber! 1.2667 0.05653 90 70 16 4
1301 Well, good news. It's not a tuber. 1.2667 0.05458 105 83 16 6
1302 Cut back on the carbs. 1.2661 0.05006 124 98 19 7
1303 Once your biopsy is out of the fryer, you’re good to go 1.2661 0.05135 124 99 17 8
1304 You suffer from blight, and it may be genetic. 1.2661 0.04988 109 84 21 4
1305 Yes Mr. Potato, I can assure you that after the procedure we will be applying lactose free cheese AND lactose free sour cream near the incision. 1.2661 0.04814 109 83 23 3
1306 So, are you feeling more chipper or less chipper lately? 1.2661 0.04988 109 84 21 4
1307 The X-ray shows nothing.” 1.2660 0.05695 94 74 15 5
1308 No, phantom leg pain is not caused by excess body starch. 1.2660 0.05695 94 74 15 5
1309 I will call in a prescription for lips, but everything else looks ok. 1.2660 0.06083 94 76 11 7
1310 You’re down a peg. 1.2660 0.06083 94 76 11 7
1311 You'd like me to rearrange your entire face? Noooo problem. 1.2660 0.05278 94 72 19 3
1312 We can replace almost everything, but you'll have to grow your own eyes. 1.2660 0.05278 94 72 19 3
1313 Well Mr. Potatohead it appears that you just don’t have that particular part. 1.2656 0.04896 128 101 20 7
1314 How long have you had this fear of being eaten? 1.2655 0.05186 113 89 18 6
1315 Congratulation, your cholesterol level is surprising low 1.2655 0.05186 113 89 18 6
1316 Okay, Mr... do you pronounce it "Po-TAY-to-hed" or "Po-TAH-to-hed?" 1.2655 0.05031 113 88 20 5
1317 The test results for touching your toes were excellent. 1.2655 0.04707 113 86 24 3
1318 I see you’ve lost your glasses again. 1.2655 0.04536 113 85 26 2
1319 So here's a note, for whoever needs it, stating that you are a benign tuber. 1.2655 0.05336 113 90 16 7
1320 I don't think a paleo diet is really the answer for you. 1.2655 0.05031 113 88 20 5
1321 If you want to make tots you need to spend less time on the couch. 1.2655 0.04872 113 87 22 4
1322 I’m sorry to tell you this but you’ve sprouted. It’s only a matter of days now. 1.2655 0.05186 113 89 18 6
1323 You’re a surgeon’s dream…interchangeable parts.” 1.2655 0.05186 113 89 18 6
1324 Yes, well with Thanksgiving coming up, feeling like you're nothing but a side dish is perfectly understandable. 1.2653 0.05340 98 76 18 4
1325 I don't think Ozempic will help. 1.2653 0.05340 98 76 18 4
1326 Well sir,the good news is: we’ve determined what’s causing your e.d. However, the bad news is: Hasbro doesn’t make that part. 1.2653 0.05139 98 75 20 3
1327 So, how's that new eye working out for you? 1.2653 0.05139 98 75 20 3
1328 You need to peel yourself off your couch and be a little more spud-taneous! 1.2653 0.05533 98 77 16 5
1329 Well, you can't continue behaving like your body is just a set of parts that you can switch out willy-nilly as the mood strikes you. 1.2653 0.05139 98 75 20 3
1330 Mr. P, results are good, so put on your happy face. 1.2652 0.04416 132 101 27 4
1331 No, I'm sorry, but I cannot ethically give you an eye in the back of your head. 1.2651 0.06658 83 68 8 7
1332 You're unable to have tots. 1.2650 0.05482 117 95 13 9
1333 When was the last time you had a bowel movement? 1.2650 0.05063 117 92 19 6
1334 Your cholesterol level is, well, it’s nonexistent. Keep up the good work. 1.2647 0.05383 102 80 17 5
1335 I admit, your legs should be longer. 1.2647 0.04810 136 108 20 8
1336 Your potassium level is high. 1.2647 0.04922 136 109 18 9
1337 So, you have this feeling of pins and needles in your extremities? 1.2647 0.05200 102 79 19 4
1338 I have some bad news for you, Mr. Spud. The eyes in the back of your head have cataracts. 1.2645 0.05084 121 96 18 7
1339 your medical record looks good despite the years of child abuse you've endured. 1.2645 0.04660 121 93 24 4
1340 You may want to take out your sad face before I read your test results. 1.2644 0.05288 87 66 19 2
1341 Ok,when did everything start coming apart? 1.2644 0.05535 87 67 17 3
1342 Today we'll be removing your eyes, ears, mouth, arms, legs and eyebrows. 1.2642 0.05412 106 84 16 6
1343 I see here your grandmother suffered from blight. 1.2642 0.05735 106 86 12 8
1344 When I said, couch, potato, I didn’t mean it as a compliment. 1.2642 0.05244 106 83 18 5
1345 You should cut the carbs. 1.2640 0.04420 125 95 27 3
1346 This is technically off-label, but I'm going to suggest we try super glue. 1.2637 0.06019 91 73 12 6
1347 Yes, I know you’ve been tossed from one doctor to another, but with a fever at 104°F, what did you expect? 1.2637 0.05813 91 72 14 5
1348 Has anyone ever told you, you look like Steve Harvey? 1.2636 0.05582 110 89 13 8
1349 Yeah,I'd have to agree: "Mr. Quinoahead" may be healthier for you, but it doesn't have the same ring to it. 1.2636 0.05430 110 88 15 7
1350 Good news! Based on these lab tests, you could live for centuries - even if you're accidentally buried in a landfill. 1.2636 0.04948 110 85 21 4
1351 I think many of your problems could be solved with a change of hat. 1.2632 0.05439 95 74 17 4
1352 So you're still having a hard time staying away from carbs? 1.2632 0.05294 114 91 16 7
1353 Do you sometimes feel disconnected? 1.2632 0.05641 95 75 15 5
1354 Looks like all the pieces are in place. 1.2632 0.04992 114 89 20 5
1355 It so happens I'm also from Idaho 1.2632 0.04834 114 88 22 4
1356 So you’ve been falling apart?” 1.2632 0.05439 95 74 17 4
1357 Considering the last time you saw me you were missing one ear, your nose, your mustache, and your hat, I'd say you're looking quite good, Mr Head. 1.2626 0.05668 99 79 14 6
1358 XRays show a barbie shoe, half of a crayon and a lego man, but I suppose you happened to 'fall' on those, too. 1.2626 0.05483 99 78 16 5
1359 So, the bad news is, you are a potato head. The good news is, the hat looks fabulous on you. 1.2626 0.05847 99 80 12 7
1360 Not to worry, sprouts like this are perfectly normal for a potato of your age. 1.2626 0.05668 99 79 14 6
1361 And do you have any implants? 1.2626 0.05094 99 76 20 3
1362 So I hear you've been complaining of feeling detached? 1.2625 0.06350 80 64 11 5
1363 Changing your outlook will help. What other sets of eyes do you own? 1.2625 0.06350 80 64 11 5
1364 We've contacted Hasbro. Unfortunately, the attachment you're requesting isn't available. 1.2625 0.06096 80 63 13 4
1365 The brain puzzle work outs have clearly worked, but you need to get back to the arm and leg exercises. 1.2625 0.06595 80 65 9 6
1366 What exactly do you expect the Viagra to do? 1.2625 0.05831 80 62 15 3
1367 The nurse tells me you feel you are spuddering out. 1.2625 0.05831 80 62 15 3
1368 I'm feeling pretty baked. 1.2623 0.04911 122 96 20 6
1369 Your tests have come back. I’m afraid you have tuberculosis. 1.2623 0.04478 122 93 26 3
1370 Everything looks good — just cut back on the starch. 1.2623 0.04771 122 95 22 5
1371 You definitely have to cut back on the carbs! 1.2623 0.05047 122 97 18 7
1372 I’m going to refer you to an ear, nose, and hat specialist. 1.2621 0.05512 103 82 15 6
1373 Says here you have a fear of being mashed! 1.2621 0.05337 103 81 17 5
1374 Nothing I can do for the back - you’re spineless. 1.2621 0.04967 103 79 21 3
1375 If we attach long legs your BMI will improve markedly. 1.2621 0.05155 103 80 19 4
1376 Actually,we need to put something different in that hole today 1.2621 0.05512 103 82 15 6
1377 Most things look OK but your starch is off the charts. 1.2621 0.05682 103 83 13 7
1378 So when did this overall stiffness begin? 1.2619 0.06135 84 67 12 5
1379 May I call you Potato, or do you prefer Mr. Head 1.2619 0.06135 84 67 12 5
1380 Allow me to explain what will happen to your eyes 1.2617 0.05028 107 83 20 4
1381 When did you first notice your penis was missing? 1.2617 0.05839 107 88 10 9
1382 Luckily, your concerns are overbaked. 1.2617 0.05200 107 84 18 5
1383 You're going to have to cut down on the carbs. 1.2614 0.05480 88 68 17 3
1384 I see here you are worried about micro-plastics in your diet. 1.2614 0.06153 88 71 11 6
1385 I'm prescribing sour cream and chives. 1.2613 0.04739 111 85 23 3
1386 I understand you are feeling a bit disconnected. 1.2613 0.04909 111 86 21 4
1387 Idaho? I don't think I've ever really met anyone from Idaho before! 1.2613 0.05073 111 87 19 5
1388 Any sudden changes? 1.2613 0.05386 111 89 15 7
1389 Mr. Potato Head, I'm sorry to say it, but... you're losing your pieces. 1.2613 0.04739 111 85 23 3
1390 We need to talk about your nutrition. 1.2613 0.05386 111 89 15 7
1391 In your case, a vegetative state is a plus. 1.2609 0.05106 115 91 18 6
1392 It says here you are transgender? 1.2609 0.05106 115 91 18 6
1393 You really do have eyes in the back of your head. 1.2609 0.05106 115 91 18 6
1394 Let's put you on a low carb diet an I'll see you in a few weeks. 1.2609 0.05325 92 71 18 3
1395 Unfortunately, the test results say you're basically a vegetable. 1.2609 0.05960 92 74 12 6
1396 I just want to say, before we get started, the work you've had done thus far is really impressive. 1.2609 0.05756 92 73 14 5
1397 And when did you first notice you had extra arms stored in your backside? 1.2609 0.04636 115 88 24 3
1398 There is a high rate of phantom limb syndrome reported in your demographic group, unfortunately there's no known cure. 1.2605 0.04539 119 91 25 3
1399 Have you tried taking it off and putting it back on again? 1.2604 0.05389 96 75 17 4
1400 So, apart from your fears of being mashed, boiled, fried, diced,roasted, sauteed or shoe-stringed, you'd say you were happy with all the plastic bits? 1.2604 0.05782 96 77 13 6
1401 I have some bad news for you Mr. Head, the lab results came back positive for tuber-culosis. 1.2604 0.05969 96 78 11 7
1402 Your main problem is your high glycemic index. 1.2604 0.05589 96 76 15 5
1403 Based on the size of your head, are you any relation to the previous president? 1.2604 0.05182 96 74 19 3
1404 Your potassium levels are high, but no clue why your arms keep falling off. 1.2600 0.05617 100 80 14 6
1405 Have you considered becoming a french fries donor? 1.2597 0.06511 77 62 10 5
1406 It says here you’re scheduled for a colonoscopy but…that can’t be right. 1.2596 0.05291 104 82 17 5
1407 I'm afraid you have a basal cell carcinoma on your ear. Fortunately, it will be easy to remove. 1.2596 0.05112 104 81 19 4
1408 It's either poh-tay-tow or poh-tah-tow syndrome. 1.2596 0.04926 104 80 21 3
1409 I have your test results and I’m pleased to say they’re interchangeable. 1.2596 0.05633 104 84 13 7
1410 Just checking. In case of emergency, call Sheriff Woody? 1.2596 0.05291 104 82 17 5
1411 It says here you’re not getting enough starch. How do you explain that ? 1.2595 0.04672 131 103 22 6
1412 Cut down on carbs and work on upper body strength. 1.2593 0.05493 81 62 17 2
1413 I see your allergies are sour cream, butter, and chives. 1.2593 0.05493 81 62 17 2
1414 About that problem with your knees, when exactly was it that you last saw them? 1.2593 0.06029 81 64 13 4
1415 Idaho wants you to donate your body before you die. 1.2593 0.05158 108 85 18 5
1416 In your case, a nose job would be a very simple procedure. 1.2593 0.04810 108 83 22 3
1417 I can do the surgery but you don’t have a knee to replace. 1.2593 0.06521 81 66 9 6
1418 You may die a vegetable. 1.2589 0.05343 112 90 15 7
1419 Did your depression start when kids stopped sticking pieces of plastic into vegetables and moved onto video games? 1.2589 0.05343 112 90 15 7
1420 I do have a few medical questions, of course. But how did you get up on the examination table? 1.2589 0.05190 112 89 17 6
1421 You seem like a good candidate for a transplant. 1.2589 0.05033 112 88 19 5
1422 Sprouts are normal. Tell her there's nothing I can do. 1.2588 0.06296 85 69 10 6
1423 Would you sign my lab coat? 1.2588 0.05835 85 67 14 4
1424 Just put a little sour cream and chives on that and it will clear up in a jiffy. 1.2586 0.05212 116 93 16 7
1425 First the bad news; you're a tuber. On the bright side, the FDA has given you a Grade A rating. 1.2584 0.05656 89 70 15 4
1426 I see here that you are feeling like a nobody and have no legs to stand on. 1.2581 0.05492 93 73 16 4
1427 I'm afraid the MRI shows evidence of a large tuber. 1.2581 0.05701 93 74 14 5
1428 First, I'll need you to take off your face. 1.2577 0.05340 97 76 17 4
1429 You're going to need a hip replacement. It'll only take a minute. 1.2577 0.05538 97 77 15 5
1430 I’m sorry, but all the parts you need are on back order. 1.2577 0.05135 97 75 19 3
1431 Give us a call if you find a nose where your arm should be. 1.2577 0.05340 97 76 17 4
1432 I guess coming from me, " Mash em' boil em' stick them in a stew." Would be offensive to you. 1.2574 0.05743 101 82 12 7
1433 I'd like to keep you here overnight for amusement. 1.2574 0.05200 101 79 18 4
1434 Doc, I’m just fried. 1.2574 0.05200 101 79 18 4
1435 I'm going to refer you to a good olericulturist. 1.2574 0.05200 101 79 18 4
1436 Congratulations on your successful mustache transplant. 1.2574 0.05200 101 79 18 4
1437 You are in danger of becming a vegetable 1.2574 0.04428 136 106 25 5
1438 You’re trapped in a New Yorker cartoon, Mr. Koslowsky. 1.2571 0.05418 105 84 15 6
1439 How long have you had these "eyes" in the back of your head? 1.2571 0.05069 105 82 19 4
1440 Bad news. You need to stay off the couch and eat a low carb diet. 1.2571 0.05246 105 83 17 5
1441 The hands worked out well; now let’s see what we can do for your feet. 1.2571 0.05069 105 82 19 4
1442 Stay away from starch. 1.2571 0.04462 140 110 24 6
1443 Stay away from butter, hot oils and microwaves and you’ll be fine. 1.2569 0.05279 109 87 16 6
1444 These days it's all handled by a plastic surgeon. 1.2566 0.04833 113 88 21 4
1445 I’m sorry, but it’s just the way you were put together. 1.2566 0.04993 113 89 19 5
1446 ...and stay out of the sun, so that you don't peel 1.2566 0.04833 113 88 21 4
1447 I just can't keep it together. 1.2564 0.05172 117 94 16 7
1448 The tests show you can't lose weight. You're a couch potato. 1.2564 0.06171 78 62 12 4
1449 You're perfectly fine...it could be Lyonnaise-by-Proxy syndrome." 1.2564 0.06435 78 63 10 5
1450 You need to go on a low carb diet. 1.2564 0.04879 117 92 20 5
1451 I have a treatment plan, but it is half baked 1.2561 0.05151 82 62 19 1
1452 The technical term is "half-baked." 1.2558 0.06006 86 69 12 5
1453 In my professional opinion, I'd recommend butter, sour cream, and chives. 1.2558 0.04575 129 101 23 5
1454 I'm afraid I'll have to remove all your extremities to get to the root of your problem. 1.2558 0.06006 86 69 12 5
1455 A pear-shaped body may be healthy, but you still need to cut down on the carbs! 1.2556 0.05373 90 70 17 3
1456 You should cut back on your starch. 1.2553 0.05002 94 72 20 2
1457 Your insurance allows one upgrade per year. Do you want a new shoe,a reading eye,or a different mustache? 1.2553 0.05647 94 75 14 5
1458 I'm afraid you'll need to cut down on the starch. 1.2553 0.05002 94 72 20 2
1459 Turns out you're a seed potato, not a baker. 1.2553 0.05226 94 73 18 3
1460 Nice to meet you, Joe. Now I can see why the statins your primary prescribed didn't lower your catastrophic cholesterol levels. 1.2553 0.05226 94 73 18 3
1461 You've got Tuber-culosis 1.2553 0.05440 94 74 16 4
1462 You have Tater Tots – what humans call Hemorrhoids. 1.2551 0.05292 98 77 17 4
1463 Off-the-shelf toys don't actually require a prescription. 1.2551 0.05487 98 78 15 5
1464 So far, so good. Now let’s check your tater tots. 1.2551 0.05676 98 79 13 6
1465 Well, other that that bat stuck up your nose, you're in great shape. 1.2551 0.05676 98 79 13 6
1466 Well, everything seems normal, but what's with those little gloves? 1.2551 0.05292 98 77 17 4
1467 Everything looks good. There's no reason why you can't resume your work for police departments that can't afford a sketch artist. 1.2551 0.05487 98 78 15 5
1468 Your test results all look good right now, but you really need to take better care of yourself. Parts seem to fall off as we age. 1.2551 0.05676 98 79 13 6
1469 Viagra? I am thinking more prosthetic. 1.2551 0.05487 98 78 15 5
1470 Yes, we’ll run some tests, but I think it’s probably all in your head. 1.2551 0.05292 98 77 17 4
1471 I'm sorry, Mr. Head. Anyway you slice it, you're fried. 1.2549 0.05340 102 81 16 5
1472 You know what they say,you are what you eat. 1.2549 0.05155 102 80 18 4
1473 You're gonna have to cut down on the carbs 1.2549 0.05518 102 82 14 6
1474 The tests show nothing to be concerned about. I think it's all in your head. 1.2547 0.05202 106 84 17 5
1475 We don’t accept Brown Cross Brown Shield. 1.2547 0.05027 106 83 19 4
1476 The prognosis is not good--prepare to fry. 1.2547 0.05372 106 85 15 6
1477 You say Humpty Dumpty is on your mother's side? 1.2547 0.05202 106 84 17 5
1478 I'm afraid you only have two weeks before being mashed. 1.2547 0.05537 106 86 13 7
1479 Apparently bicep add-ons are not covered by the HMO. 1.2547 0.05853 106 88 9 9
1480 You have six months to live. 1.2547 0.05372 106 85 15 6
1481 From now on stick to butter, bacon, and cheese. 1.2547 0.05372 106 85 15 6
1482 I can see on your face that the enema worked. 1.2545 0.04907 110 86 20 4
1483 Well, it's not tuberculosis. 1.2545 0.04734 110 85 22 3
1484 I know you feel empty inside, but adding all this stuff on the outside isn't going to help. 1.2545 0.04734 110 85 22 3
1485 Yes sir, it's true there are medications that can help with E.D., but you have to have something to E. 1.2545 0.05074 110 87 18 5
1486 I really suggest you cut down on the carbs. 1.2544 0.04955 114 90 19 5
1487 Have you tried replacing it with a different one? 1.2537 0.04579 134 106 22 6
1488 The problem is, too much starch in your diet. 1.2530 0.05378 83 64 17 2
1489 well none of your parts have fallen off 1.2530 0.05899 83 66 13 4
1490 Can you stick out your tongue and say ‘Au gratin’? 1.2529 0.05944 87 70 12 5
1491 Your gender reassignment surgery was a complete success, Mrs Potato. 1.2529 0.06165 87 71 10 6
1492 We ran your complaint past Chat GPT and AI referenced Occams Razor and advised, "French Fries". 1.2529 0.05715 87 69 14 4
1493 You can have children, but only ages two and up. 1.2529 0.05226 87 67 18 2
1494 Get plenty of rest and stay in the box as much as possible. 1.2529 0.05476 87 68 16 3
1495 And I’m required to ask, in the last month have you contemplated mashing, roasting, or hashing yourself? 1.2527 0.05762 91 73 13 5
1496 I see you’ve taken gender-affirming care into your own hands. 1.2527 0.05321 91 71 17 3
1497 You say you're having incessant nightmares of being fried, roasted, or mashed but have no idea why? 1.2527 0.05762 91 73 13 5
1498 I’m prescribing a little sour cream and chives. That should make everything better. 1.2527 0.05086 91 70 19 2
1499 Well,the good news is you don’t have lung cancer. 1.2527 0.05762 91 73 13 5
1500 Sorry, but the exam deductable only covers two eyes. 1.2527 0.05762 91 73 13 5
1501 And you’re happy with the possibility that surgery may leave you a vegetable? 1.2527 0.05086 91 70 19 2
1502 I could refer you to a psychologist for your attachment issues. 1.2526 0.05389 95 75 16 4
1503 Aside from that missing ear, you certainly seem chipper. 1.2526 0.05593 95 76 14 5
1504 I'm afraid the MRI showed a massive tuber. 1.2526 0.04956 95 73 20 2
1505 I'm sorry Mr Potato, unfortunately the donor wants his nose back. 1.2526 0.05593 95 76 14 5
1506 Well, the good news is it's a benign tuber... 1.2525 0.05438 99 79 15 5
1507 You really need to get off the couch! 1.2525 0.05804 99 81 11 7
1508 This operation is going to cost you an arm and a leg. 1.2524 0.05293 103 82 16 5
1509 Further testing is required. Please remove your hat, eyes, nose, ears, feet and hands. The nurse will be here to take them 1.2523 0.05327 107 86 15 6
1510 You tore your tater cuff 1.2523 0.04618 107 82 23 2
1511 I thought it was a Zoom filter, doc, and now I don't know what to do! 1.2523 0.04618 107 82 23 2
1512 I really think we need to explore the root cause of your aversions to butter and sour cream 1.2523 0.04805 107 83 21 3
1513 Whn did you start to fel that body parts were dtachd from your body 1.2523 0.04868 111 87 20 4
1514 Always use a condiment as protection from unwanted blandness. 1.2523 0.05349 111 90 14 7
1515 Unfortunately, it's genetics. 1.2522 0.04759 115 90 21 4
1516 your orida ! 1.2521 0.05094 119 96 16 7
1517 I’m afraid you need a hip replacement. 1.2520 0.04842 123 98 19 6
1518 Your complaints are all in your head. 1.2500 0.05038 92 71 19 2
1519 It's not cancer; it's just a s sprout. 1.2500 0.05444 108 88 13 7
1520 Shoes off the table if you don't mind Mister. 1.2500 0.05837 84 67 13 4
1521 I'll need you to take your shoes off for the next exam, but you can leave your face on. 1.2500 0.05339 96 76 16 4
1522 I have your test results. You may want to put on a brave face. 1.2500 0.05270 92 72 17 3
1523 Mind if I call you Potato? Or do you prefer Mr Head? 1.2500 0.04484 112 86 24 2
1524 Your lab work looks delicious. 1.2500 0.05705 92 74 13 5
1525 Unfortunately, we found a lump. 1.2500 0.05152 112 90 16 6
1526 We can take you apart. But I can't guarantee we can put you back together. 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
1527 I am going to write you a prescription for a butter with a higher SPF. 1.2500 0.05198 100 79 17 4
1528 There's no easy way to say this—we left a scalpel in your compartment. 1.2500 0.05248 104 83 16 5
1529 Replacement parts are not covered by your insurance 1.2500 0.04766 108 84 21 3
1530 Before we go straight to plastic surgery, there are some other alternatives we could try first. 1.2500 0.05837 84 67 13 4
1531 The good news is your parts are all attached. The bad news is your starch levels are through the roof!! 1.2500 0.04911 96 74 20 2
1532 According to your chart, you have a very large head and no legs. 1.2500 0.04911 96 74 20 2
1533 I'm afraid it's your butt flap. 1.2500 0.05000 100 78 19 3
1534 Mr. Head, while we're all very impressed with your lovely array of outer appendages, I'm very concerned that you don't appear to have any internal organs at all. 1.2500 0.05883 88 71 12 5
1535 If this prescription doesn’t resolve your sinus issues, try a different nose. 1.2500 0.05186 80 61 18 1
1536 Sorry, I've looked and looked and you just don't have one. 1.2500 0.05658 76 59 15 2
1537 Your gender reassignment surgery will be easy -- we'll just remove the mustache and apply lipstick. 1.2500 0.06101 88 72 10 6
1538 Do you want my staff to address you as ‘Mister,’ or is just ‘Bob’ OK? 1.2500 0.05152 112 90 16 6
1539 Normally a nose job is considered irreversible, but I think we have some options. 1.2500 0.05000 100 78 19 3
1540 Cut back on the carbs in your diet! 1.2500 0.05585 84 66 15 3
1541 You’re in luck. We can just pop out the bad one and pop in a new one. 1.2500 0.05837 84 67 13 4
1542 There’s an age we all reach when it’ isn’t healthy to continue getting fried and baked 1.2500 0.05423 104 84 14 6
1543 I’ll just step out while you remove everything but your briefs. 1.2500 0.05705 92 74 13 5
1544 I haven't felt this bad since the Vice-President misspelled my name. 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
1545 ...and, you have a recurring nightmare of being chased by a masher... 1.2500 0.05837 84 67 13 4
1546 You just want to see me fall, don't you? 1.2500 0.06309 84 69 9 6
1547 You know what comes next, but I'm guessing you left it at home again? 1.2500 0.05130 96 75 18 3
1548 So you have no idea how a hat, glasses, and extra sets of eyes, noses, and ears got stuck up your butt? 1.2500 0.06110 92 76 9 7
1549 We have to talk about carbs... 1.2500 0.05492 92 73 15 4
1550 Hmm... I believe it to be TUBER-culosis, oh and do get your EYES checked, stay true to your ROOTS, and say hi to Mrs. Potato for me! 1.2500 0.04561 116 90 23 3
1551 Your cholesterol is high. Avoid butter and sour cream. Chives are OK. 1.2500 0.04994 112 89 18 5
1552 How bad is it doc? Fried or mashed? 1.2500 0.05130 96 75 18 3
1553 Head aches? 1.2500 0.05585 84 66 15 3
1554 Have you gotten rid of the coach? 1.2500 0.06033 80 64 12 4
1555 It’s never too late to make some changes…. 1.2500 0.05130 96 75 18 3
1556 So I see here you have a problem with your nose falling off. 1.2500 0.04794 100 77 21 2
1557 Have you ever thought of just gluing them on? 1.2500 0.05116 108 86 17 5
1558 Who did your nose job? 1.2500 0.05960 76 60 13 3
1559 Good morning, Mr. Head. May I call you Potato? 1.2500 0.06101 88 72 10 6
1560 I need you to take off your ears so I can get a closer look... 1.2479 0.05137 117 95 15 7
1561 To get your weight down, I'm putting you on a low-starch diet. 1.2479 0.04527 117 91 23 3
1562 You’re not going to like where your new nose comes from. 1.2478 0.05263 113 92 14 7
1563 And how long have you feared having your eyes plucked out? 1.2478 0.05111 113 91 16 6
1564 Good news on your physical, eyes are clear and your skin is flawless". "The only thing I can recommend, is spending less time on the couch". 1.2477 0.04904 109 86 19 4
1565 I think you're in the wrong office. This is Urology. 1.2477 0.04904 109 86 19 4
1566 When the Vice President encouraged me to ad the "e" , I never though you would be my patient. 1.2477 0.05074 109 87 17 5
1567 How many times a week do you get "baked"? 1.2476 0.04838 105 82 20 3
1568 I have to be honest,the fact that you still have arms,legs,eyes and a nose at this age is remarkable. I really wouldn’t worry about the lipid panel results at this point. 1.2476 0.05203 105 84 16 5
1569 You're suffering from hearing loss because your right ear is missing... 1.2476 0.05376 105 85 14 6
1570 In your case, rhinoplasty should be fairly simple. 1.2476 0.05203 105 84 16 5
1571 So you were the last one in,and you feel rotten? 1.2476 0.05024 105 83 18 4
1572 So what makes you think you've become a couch potato? 1.2476 0.05544 105 86 12 7
1573 How frequently do you have these nightmares of being skinned, chopped and fired? 1.2476 0.05544 105 86 12 7
1574 I guess we’ll skip the reflexes test. 1.2476 0.04645 105 81 22 2
1575 It’s an outpatient procedure. We simply replace your eyes, nose, ears, mouth, and mustache. 1.2475 0.04956 101 79 19 3
1576 These concerns appear to be all in your head. 1.2475 0.05152 101 80 17 4
1577 I see on your chart that you recently had a lower extremities scan, I just don't understand how. 1.2475 0.05700 101 83 11 7
1578 Before we do the surgery we ask that you spend a year living as a sweet potato. 1.2474 0.05490 97 78 14 5
1579 You had a great what...?? 1.2474 0.05290 97 77 16 4
1580 Be careful, French fries could be fatal. 1.2473 0.05650 93 75 13 5
1581 It’s time we confront your problem in the sack. 1.2473 0.05439 93 74 15 4
1582 How do I put this—you’re starchy. 1.2473 0.05439 93 74 15 4
1583 Moving to Idaho will certainly improve your health and popularity. 1.2473 0.05220 93 73 17 3
1584 I have bad news from your rectal exam. 1.2473 0.05220 93 73 17 3
1585 In your case, gender reassignment would be a snap. 1.2473 0.05439 93 74 15 4
1586 Any family history of root vegetables? 1.2473 0.05439 93 74 15 4
1587 According to your A1C test, we need to get you on a low carb diet. 1.2472 0.05367 89 70 16 3
1588 You could definitely stand to lose some weight. As to your phobias about peelers, knives and deep-fat fryers, there's another doctor I want you to see. 1.2472 0.04868 89 68 20 1
1589 And, I'm sorry to say, after these surgeries you'll basically be a side dish. 1.2472 0.06039 89 73 10 6
1590 Yes, ED is a common problem 1.2472 0.05824 89 72 12 5
1591 Fortunately, plastic surgery will not be necessary for the transition. 1.2472 0.05367 89 70 16 3
1592 We have a little blue pill that can put the starch back into, well, that particular attachment. 1.2472 0.05824 89 72 12 5
1593 I'm afraid your insurance doesn't cover missing parts 1.2471 0.05775 85 68 13 4
1594 Not to worry- my five year old son will be here in five minutes to reattach your other ear. 1.2471 0.05268 85 66 17 2
1595 There's too much starch in your diet. 1.2466 0.06101 73 58 12 3
1596 And when you say you feel fried..... 1.2466 0.06101 73 58 12 3
1597 I’ll give you some privacy while you retrieve your glasses 1.2466 0.05441 73 56 16 1
1598 Baked” is still not allowed as a federal employee 1.2458 0.04805 118 94 19 5
1599 We removed a few bacon bits, but otherwise, the colonoscopy went as smooth as mashed potatoes. 1.2455 0.05196 110 89 15 6
1600 Unsettling news, Mr. Potato Head. Your birth certificate says you were born a yam. 1.2455 0.04690 110 86 21 3
1601 Any relation to “Studs Terkel?” 1.2455 0.04690 110 86 21 3
1602 You have to cut back on the starch. 1.2455 0.04865 110 87 19 4
1603 The tests indicate you are a hypochondriac, it's all in your head" 1.2455 0.05033 110 88 17 5
1604 Well, yes, a chemical peel would be an option. 1.2453 0.04607 106 82 22 2
1605 You must cut down on your starch intake! 1.2453 0.05159 106 85 16 5
1606 Cat get your tongue again? 1.2453 0.05159 106 85 16 5
1607 Don't worry. We have many ways to prepare you. 1.2453 0.04982 106 84 18 4
1608 I know you say you're "fried," but it doesn't look that way. 1.2453 0.05330 106 86 14 6
1609 Three eyedrops a day, and you will sprout within a week. 1.2451 0.05107 102 81 17 4
1610 Just french fries is not a good food choice. 1.2451 0.05474 102 83 13 6
1611 Mr. Head, it looks like your insurance will cover the cosmetic surgeon for the nose job but the leg extensions will have to wait since the orthopedic surgeon is out of the pegs until after Christmas. 1.2451 0.05107 102 81 17 4
1612 Your family history isn’t encouraging for longevity. 1.2451 0.04712 102 79 21 2
1613 It’s rare. I’ve seen it before, when I was very young. 1.2451 0.04914 102 80 19 3
1614 Both feet, check. Eyes, check. Ears, check. This is the best shape you've been in ages. 1.2451 0.05474 102 83 13 6
1615 What pronouns do you prefer, Mr. Potatohead? 1.2451 0.05649 102 84 11 7
1616 I believe you've been spending to much time on your couch " 1.2449 0.05629 98 80 12 6
1617 Good news- costing you an arm and a leg isn't anything you're unfamiliar with. 1.2449 0.05037 98 77 18 3
1618 I’m afraid I’ve found a tubor . . . 1.2449 0.05991 98 82 8 8
1619 It might be a good idea to track your starch intake 1.2449 0.05242 98 78 16 4
1620 I have the results of your prostate exam here and...if I may ask a few questions... 1.2449 0.05439 98 79 14 5
1621 Tell me something. How did you get up on the table? 1.2449 0.05629 98 80 12 6
1622 I’m afraid it’s all gone pear shaped 1.2449 0.05813 98 81 10 7
1623 Is it Mr. Potato or Potatoe? 1.2447 0.05796 94 77 11 6
1624 Hmmm...I'm not sure a low carb diet is right for you. 1.2447 0.05596 94 76 13 5
1625 I got bad news ...you've got potatoitus! 1.2447 0.06179 94 79 7 8
1626 I’m sorry Mr. Head, you seem to be in a persistent vegetative state” 1.2447 0.05796 94 77 11 6
1627 Yes, I'm a plastic surgeon, but I can't turn you into a toy. 1.2444 0.05544 90 72 14 4
1628 I'm more of an "Operation" specialist. 1.2444 0.05314 90 71 16 3
1629 I'm sorry. It's terminal. Would you like me to adjust your eyebrows? 1.2444 0.05074 90 70 18 2
1630 From what I can tell, Sir, it appears to be all in your head. 1.2444 0.05074 90 70 18 2
1631 The bad news is, you’re going to die. The good news is, you’re going to be part of an absolutely delightful summer salad. 1.2442 0.05214 86 67 17 2
1632 I think a temperature of 375 degrees is just to high. 1.2442 0.05470 86 68 15 3
1633 The lab report says you have to cut back on starches 1.2442 0.05470 86 68 15 3
1634 I wouldn't overly worry about it — your readings are actually pretty normal for a potato. 1.2442 0.05470 86 68 15 3
1635 I see you are in for gender reassignment surgery. 1.2439 0.06150 82 67 10 5
1636 So when did you first notice the side effects of the medication? 1.2439 0.06150 82 67 10 5
1637 Yes, except for the part about your hat, that could be considered elder abuse. 1.2439 0.05900 82 66 12 4
1638 Actually, the facelift is done by my two year old. 1.2439 0.06150 82 67 10 5
1639 Your CT scan indicates you are slowly turning into plastic. 1.2437 0.04460 119 93 23 3
1640 I wouldn’t worry about the starch, but you might consider a hat with better sun protection… 1.2437 0.04460 119 93 23 3
1641 According to this, you're hyperglycemic... Oops, nope, I'm sorry. These are Mr. Sweetpotatohead's results. 1.2436 0.05824 78 62 13 3
1642 I suggest you cut back on the carbs. 1.2435 0.05031 115 93 16 6
1643 Lose the mustache. 1.2435 0.04877 115 92 18 5
1644 It says here you've already tried a shoe replacement. 1.2435 0.04718 115 91 20 4
1645 I recommend that you cut back on carbs 1.2435 0.04553 115 90 22 3
1646 I'm going to prescribe sour cream and a light dose of chive. 1.2432 0.06613 74 61 8 5
1647 Lovely family story, but I said do you have any history of, ‘tumors’ 1.2432 0.06027 74 59 12 3
1648 How often do you have this feeling of emptiness and that you're falling apart? 1.2430 0.05116 107 86 16 5
1649 You have got to stop putting your hat and shoes in your butt. 1.2430 0.05285 107 87 14 6
1650 As far as diet, zero carbs is your new routine... 1.2430 0.05449 107 88 12 7
1651 The good news is your prostate isn't enlarged. 1.2430 0.05116 107 86 16 5
1652 We can julienne that little rough patch. Oh, and McDonalds is paying for it. 1.2427 0.05063 103 82 17 4
1653 You need an eye doctor. 1.2427 0.05248 103 83 15 5
1654 You're saying, you think all your family is still in Idaho. 1.2427 0.05599 103 85 11 7
1655 I’ve finally figured out the root of all of your troubles. 1.2427 0.05063 103 82 17 4
1656 Sorry, we can't do any tests when you are baked. 1.2424 0.04992 99 78 18 3
1657 Any feelings of emptiness? 1.2424 0.04782 99 77 20 2
1658 Have you been spending a lot of time on your couch recently? 1.2424 0.05390 99 80 14 5
1659 You'll get frequent fryer miles with this visit. 1.2424 0.05578 99 81 12 6
1660 Good news! The other eyes came back benign. 1.2424 0.05390 99 80 14 5
1661 You need a new arm, but it's going to take at least a year. Supply chain troubles. 1.2421 0.05122 95 75 17 3
1662 Should we pronounce it, “Potayto” or “Potahto?” 1.2421 0.05542 95 77 13 5
1663 I'll have to refer you to a plastic surgeon. 1.2421 0.05337 95 76 15 4
1664 You can no longer be gender specific 1.2421 0.05122 95 75 17 3
1665 Is my head too big or are my legs too short? 1.2421 0.05337 95 76 15 4
1666 Are you following your low-carb diet? 1.2421 0.05337 95 76 15 4
1667 The tests reflect an abnormally high level of starch in your diet. 1.2421 0.05542 95 77 13 5
1668 How do you identify yourself as; boiled, mashed or sautéed? 1.2421 0.06119 95 80 7 8
1669 So how does it feel without all your other eyes? 1.2419 0.04908 124 101 16 7
1670 I'm sorry, but we need to reduce your carbs. 1.2418 0.05918 91 75 10 6
1671 I just keep losing things... 1.2418 0.05490 91 73 14 4
1672 Your tests results have come in, and it seems it’s all in your head. 1.2418 0.05708 91 74 12 5
1673 It's all still in your head? 1.2418 0.05708 91 74 12 5
1674 Luckily your parts were made to pop right off, so I could do the surgery now. 1.2418 0.05918 91 75 10 6
1675 I realize you may have difficulty cutting down on starches. 1.2417 0.04583 120 95 21 4
1676 Your vision needs correction. We’ll just switch your eyes and mouth. 1.2417 0.04879 120 97 17 6
1677 I am afraid it’s french fries. 1.2417 0.04733 120 96 19 5
1678 Sir, we might have an issue. Which toys were you and your wife using? 1.2414 0.05656 87 70 13 4
1679 I might have to refer you to a horticulturist. 1.2414 0.05887 87 71 11 5
1680 I’m confident we can rule out “restless leg syndrome”! 1.2414 0.06325 87 73 7 7
1681 I agree with you, I think we should take a head cold very seriously. 1.2414 0.05656 87 70 13 4
1682 take off your nose and say Ahh 1.2414 0.05414 87 69 15 3
1683 The all-potato diet hasn’t worked out very well for you. Let’s switch you to a more attractive vegetable. 1.2414 0.05161 87 68 17 2
1684 The encephalitis is terrible. But the good news is you have absolutely no belly fat. 1.2411 0.05267 112 92 13 7
1685 You need more salt. Erm, uhh, medically speaking, of course. 1.2411 0.05112 112 91 15 6
1686 Your lab results look good so I've scheduled your vegetable reassignment surgery for next Tuesday. 1.2410 0.05309 83 65 16 2
1687 It seems all your parts are in place. 1.2410 0.06083 83 68 10 5
1688 Transitioning to a woman should be fairly easy for you,Mr. Potato Head. 1.2410 0.05579 83 66 14 3
1689 Sir, Are you currently under the influence of alcohol? You seem half baked? 1.2407 0.05241 108 88 14 6
1690 You need to cut back on the piercings. 1.2407 0.05073 108 87 16 5
1691 It says here you're the head of a toy company? 1.2407 0.05403 108 89 12 7
1692 I’m prescribing a change of face. 1.2407 0.04900 108 86 18 4
1693 Is this the first time that you’ve considered altering your appearance? 1.2407 0.05073 108 87 16 5
1694 I’ll pluck off this nose. Pop on your new nose. Should you ever decide to go back to the old one, what I’ll do for you is store it in your butt. 1.2407 0.05403 108 89 12 7
1695 Well at the very least I can help with your ears and nose. 1.2405 0.06033 79 64 11 4
1696 Let's take a look. Could you take off your nose, please. 1.2405 0.06033 79 64 11 4
1697 Sometimes, one simply has to accept that one is a potato. 1.2405 0.06033 79 64 11 4
1698 You ned to cut back on the carbohydrates, 1.2405 0.05758 79 63 13 3
1699 Your test results indicate you haven’t accessorized since the 1970’s. 1.2405 0.06033 79 64 11 4
1700 Well, despite unheslthy scarring from previous cosmetic surgeries, things could be worse... 1.2404 0.05202 104 84 15 5
1701 Actually, with modern technology, a nose job is very simple these days. 1.2404 0.05020 104 83 17 4
1702 Mister P, you are my masterpiece! 1.2404 0.05020 104 83 17 4
1703 Definitely a nose job. 1.2404 0.05020 104 83 17 4
1704 I'm sorry to report that Blue Cross won't cover your sprout removal--they say it's cosmetic surgery. 1.2400 0.05644 75 59 14 2
1705 I'm gonna need you to lay off the starch. 1.2400 0.04948 100 79 18 3
1706 Then roast at 400 degrees...oops, wrong page. 1.2400 0.05148 100 80 16 4
1707 Says here you had an allergic reaction and broke out in chives. 1.2400 0.06532 75 62 8 5
1708 How long have you had these headaches ? 1.2400 0.05527 100 82 12 6
1709 Probably just a mild case of blight. 1.2400 0.04740 100 78 20 2
1710 You have more between the ears than I would have predicted. 1.2400 0.04522 100 77 22 1
1711 Are you baked right now? 1.2400 0.05148 100 80 16 4
1712 Well, I think we can eliminate ED. 1.2400 0.04740 100 78 20 2
1713 In your case, plastic surgery is very straightforward and carries no risk. 1.2400 0.05148 100 80 16 4
1714 It's either Early Blight or Colorado Potato Beetle. 1.2400 0.05148 100 80 16 4
1715 We'll notify you when the stent from Hasbro arrives. 1.2397 0.04698 121 97 19 5
1716 You’re going to have to start laying off the carbs. 1.2397 0.04549 121 96 21 4
1717 You are too old to be good baked, but you will still make excellent French fries. 1.2396 0.05490 96 78 13 5
1718 And you’ve been on this diet for how long? 1.2396 0.05075 96 76 17 3
1719 So, what would you like us to do with the eye on your backside? 1.2396 0.05287 96 77 15 4
1720 Your DNA test says you're half sweet potato. 1.2396 0.04623 96 74 21 1
1721 You might want to go easy on the potatoes. 1.2396 0.04854 96 75 19 2
1722 You say potato. I'm not going to argue with you. 1.2396 0.05287 96 77 15 4
1723 My advice for you is, stay away from the fryer, boiling water and most importantly the oven. 1.2391 0.05436 92 74 14 4
1724 I don’t want to concern you, but we found a large, hollow compartment full of body parts. 1.2391 0.05212 92 73 16 3
1725 I know that you aren’t Humpty Dumpty 1.2391 0.05436 92 74 14 4
1726 None invasive vasectomy has come a long way. .Just a quick tug should do it 1.2391 0.05651 92 75 12 5
1727 Simply....it's your ego. 1.2391 0.05212 92 73 16 3
1728 I must inform you that I’ve called the police. We found extra arms and legs inside you that matched DNA from your missing wife 1.2391 0.05436 92 74 14 4
1729 "Aside for missing a heart and lungs you appear to be in excellent health." 1.2391 0.05436 92 74 14 4
1730 I'm disappointed too. 1.2391 0.06059 92 77 8 7
1731 You don't look surprised to hear you have tuberculosis. 1.2389 0.05071 113 92 15 6
1732 It says here you’ve recently had trouble with your nose falling off. 1.2389 0.05071 113 92 15 6
1733 Well, you definitely have enough starch in your diet. 1.2389 0.05071 113 92 15 6
1734 There's another eye under your hat. 1.2386 0.05110 88 69 17 2
1735 Your tests show you’re half baked! 1.2386 0.05110 88 69 17 2
1736 Ok...here are your surgery options - baked, diced & mashed. All three are risky. But delicious! 1.2386 0.05110 88 69 17 2
1737 I have to be honest, Dan. Turning yourself into a potato isn't going to convince people you know how to spell it. 1.2386 0.05110 88 69 17 2
1738 Good news... your leg X-rays came back negative. 1.2386 0.05826 88 72 11 5
1739 As I told Mr. Dumpty, be careful where you sit… 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
1740 Frankly, you’d feel much better if you pulled your smile out of your ass compartment. 1.2386 0.05826 88 72 11 5
1741 Just a few minor lifestyle changes and we'll turn that frown upside down. 1.2385 0.04859 109 87 18 4
1742 The procedure is straightforward: we replace your eyes with a pair we pull from your ass. 1.2385 0.05514 109 91 10 8
1743 Well, here's the problem. Your temperature is only 98.6 degrees. We're going to have to get you up to 400. 1.2385 0.05197 109 89 14 6
1744 And is Mrs. Potato Head your only sexual partner? 1.2385 0.04859 109 87 18 4
1745 So, how long have the other potatoes been calling you "Groucho?" 1.2381 0.04567 126 101 20 5
1746 Your replacement is delayed due to the supply chain problem. 1.2381 0.05519 84 67 14 3
1747 Regretfully, Mr. Head, the tuber is malignant. 1.2381 0.05332 105 86 13 6
1748 Carbohydrates are not your friend, I'm afraid. 1.2381 0.06017 84 69 10 5
1749 Of course we can do it surgically. But it’s cheaper If you just pull out your mustache, and switch out the hat insert with a sexy blonde wig insert yourself. 1.2381 0.05519 84 67 14 3
1750 It says here that you're worried about your life choices. I'd start with that hat. 1.2381 0.05773 84 68 12 4
1751 You really need to get off the couch more often. 1.2376 0.05293 101 82 14 5
1752 Yes Mr. Potato Head, your arms could use a little work out occasionally. 1.2376 0.05103 101 81 16 4
1753 It hurts since the German car on my toe fell. 1.2376 0.04905 101 80 18 3
1754 I'd probably avoid vacationing in France, if I were you. 1.2376 0.04905 101 80 18 3
1755 The bad news is we have to remove your skin. The good news is we can save your eyes. 1.2375 0.05108 80 62 17 1
1756 I recommend that you and your wife, Julienne, not travel to France. 1.2375 0.05965 80 65 11 4
1757 Your cholesterol levels are a little high, I'd like you to cut back on the butter and sour cream 1.2373 0.04451 118 93 22 3
1758 You’re going to need pre-approval for the second bake. 1.2371 0.05633 97 80 11 6
1759 I recommend a cornea transplant. The procedure is very straightforward. 1.2371 0.05439 97 79 13 5
1760 A genetic test shows “couch potato” is an inherited trait in your family. 1.2371 0.05238 97 78 15 4
1761 Can you describe in more detail the feeling of sharp objects sticking into your brain? 1.2371 0.05820 97 81 9 7
1762 If you wanna get baked, lose the hat and moustache. 1.2371 0.05633 97 80 11 6
1763 A spud like you shouldn't match with hot potatas 1.2371 0.05633 97 80 11 6
1764 I don't really take these symptoms seriously because you are just a potato. 1.2371 0.05633 97 80 11 6
1765 I've reversed your foot, mouth and mustache disease (again) 1.2371 0.05439 97 79 13 5
1766 Well, a torn meniscus is unlikely. 1.2368 0.06453 76 63 8 5
1767 Yes,it looks like we’re dealing with a giant tumor. 1.2368 0.05884 76 61 12 3
1768 What do you prefer, bud or buddy? 1.2368 0.06453 76 63 8 5
1769 I’m strongly recommending psychotherapy for your attachment issues. 1.2366 0.05383 93 75 14 4
1770 Bad news...there's a pocket of Vichyssoise behind the right optical orbit. 1.2366 0.04930 93 73 18 2
1771 I want you to cut down on carbs. 1.2366 0.05162 93 74 16 3
1772 Listen, you really need to cut down on your starches. 1.2366 0.04930 93 73 18 2
1773 i've reviewed your tests and can tell you why you claim to be smashed and or whipped most of the time, it's because the holidays are coming. 1.2366 0.05383 93 75 14 4
1774 No worries looking purple -- worry if you look green 1.2366 0.04687 93 72 20 1
1775 So, you are constantly having a dream about being skinned alive? 1.2366 0.04930 93 73 18 2
1776 It looks like we'll need to peel you, but don't worry, it's a routine procedure. 1.2366 0.05162 93 74 16 3
1777 We were able to get you back together, but your friend humpty is still in surgery. 1.2366 0.05383 93 75 14 4
1778 You should get some exercise, not being a couch potato. 1.2364 0.04990 110 89 16 5
1779 Try cutting down on carbs. 1.2364 0.05154 110 90 14 6
1780 I really don't think calling you a "potato head" was meant as an insult. 1.2364 0.04644 110 87 20 3
1781 I’m afraid tuberculosis is rather common among your kind. 1.2361 0.06094 72 58 11 3
1782 Here’s a prescription for Crazy Glue. Call me if they KEEP falling off 1.2361 0.06407 72 59 9 4
1783 You’ll need a kidney transplant and we’re still looking for your right ear. 1.2360 0.05305 89 71 15 3
1784 You're medically cleared to become potato salad. 1.2360 0.05541 89 72 13 4
1785 Medically,no indications. I am proposing that the problem is,actually,all in your head,and I highly recommend joining a club that actually *would* have you for a member 1.2360 0.05767 89 73 11 5
1786 Ok, so how did you get up on the examing table? 1.2360 0.05305 89 71 15 3
1787 Mister Head, we really need to put you on a starch-free diet. 1.2360 0.05541 89 72 13 4
1788 A more youthful appearance? First, I'd lose the hat. 1.2360 0.05767 89 73 11 5
1789 The procedure entails swapping all your parts onto a sweet potato for a more appealing personality. 1.2358 0.05616 106 89 9 8
1790 I never played with the model that contained your internal organs. 1.2353 0.05198 85 67 16 2
1791 Unfortunately you have the same condition as your late wife. 1.2353 0.05246 102 83 14 5
1792 It's not looking good, you have several holes in your body and a backside that won't close. 1.2353 0.05461 85 68 14 3
1793 Are you still in a relationship with Mr. Peanut? 1.2353 0.05712 85 69 12 4
1794 I don't understand. According to all the test results, you have zero vitals. As in you should be dead and buried in a field. 1.2353 0.04862 102 81 18 3
1795 You really have to cut down on the carbs. 1.2353 0.05058 102 82 16 4
1796 I’m afraid you’re too big for you’re britches. 1.2353 0.05461 85 68 14 3
1797 So you say you’re feeling a little half baked ? 1.2353 0.04862 102 81 18 3
1798 Your hemoglobin is 0.0 but your potassium levels are wonderfully high. 1.2353 0.05712 85 69 12 4
1799 I can appreciate your philosophy, Mr. P., but please wear some clothes for our next visit. 1.2353 0.05461 85 68 14 3
1800 The good news is that it's all in your mind; the bad news is in your case that's a terminal diagnosis. 1.2353 0.05198 85 67 16 2
1801 It appears that there is no way to remove the hat! 1.2353 0.05058 102 82 16 4
1802 Who did you say did your plastic surgery? 1.2353 0.04862 102 81 18 3
1803 You can rearrange your face all you want, but you are going to have to slow down on the starch intake. 1.2347 0.04767 98 77 19 2
1804 Mr Dumpty, your BMI is concerning for someone your age. 1.2347 0.04983 98 78 17 3
1805 More exercise. You're going to have to get off the you-know-what. 1.2347 0.04541 98 76 21 1
1806 If you want to stay in one piece, stay out of the heat, and stop mixing with onions. 1.2347 0.04983 98 78 17 3
1807 Ok, let me get this straight. You're on an-all carb diet and it's working? 1.2347 0.05389 98 80 13 5
1808 I would try a generous amount of softened butter, but if that doesn't work, switch to organic sour cream and fresh chives 1.2347 0.05766 98 82 9 7
1809 Well, your Colon's shot and I think we both know why... 1.2347 0.04983 98 78 17 3
1810 The extra arm was successfully removed and placed back in your trunk. 1.2347 0.04983 98 78 17 3
1811 The results show a 99% probability that the little spud is yours. 1.2347 0.04983 98 78 17 3
1812 So, you're feeling like you've lost parts of yourself... specifically, the "fun" nose and the baseball cap you prefer. But you're okay with the mustache. Do I have that right? 1.2347 0.05389 98 80 13 5
1813 It wouldn’t hurt to peel off a few pounds. 1.2346 0.05349 81 64 15 2
1814 Good, so your signature authorizes us to access the prostate orally, and the colonoscopy will be done through your ear. All set? 1.2346 0.05898 81 66 11 4
1815 "... and above all, stay off the couch!" 1.2340 0.05113 94 75 16 3
1816 Mr. Potato Head. How do you expect me to inspect your heart? 1.2340 0.05941 94 79 8 7
1817 In your case the surgery will be a snap. 1.2340 0.05113 94 75 16 3
1818 Do you know Stephen Colbert? 1.2340 0.05113 94 75 16 3
1819 Yes, I’m telling you, it’s all in your head. 1.2340 0.05332 94 76 14 4
1820 Kind of a formality, but are you sexually active? 1.2338 0.05816 77 62 12 3
1821 So when did you last see your torso? 1.2338 0.05816 77 62 12 3
1822 I can prescribe it, but I don’t think Viagra will do much for you. 1.2338 0.05816 77 62 12 3
1823 Doc, my eyes hurt. 1.2338 0.05195 77 60 16 1
1824 It could be the extra foot in your rear. 1.2333 0.05708 90 74 11 5
1825 As your proctologist, I must say that area is not meant for storage. 1.2333 0.05009 90 71 17 2
1826 Yes, the MRI takes slices, but they're just virtual! 1.2333 0.05009 90 71 17 2
1827 We performed a full cat scan and we believe we found the problem. You've got eyes growing down there! 1.2333 0.05253 90 72 15 3
1828 If you could just take your nose and hat off, I can do a full exam. 1.2333 0.05009 90 71 17 2
1829 I’m afraid your insurance doesn’t cover conditions related to potato blight. 1.2333 0.04483 90 69 21 0
1830 You're in perfect health---no sign of life whatever! 1.2333 0.05708 90 74 11 5
1831 Well sir, it looks like your torsoectomy went well. 1.2330 0.05380 103 85 12 6
1832 You've really got to get off that couch. 1.2330 0.04820 103 82 18 3
1833 And Mrs Head? How is she feeling these days? 1.2330 0.04618 103 81 20 2
1834 Your DNA results are in, Mr. Potatohead. You are indeed 100% Idaho Russet. 1.2330 0.05014 103 83 16 4
1835 While your immune system is responding well to SpudThrax, you do seem to be experiencing some classic side effects. 1.2330 0.05380 103 85 12 6
1836 I‘m referring you to the leading expert on this matter—my three-year-old daughter. 1.2330 0.04820 103 82 18 3
1837 I’m afraid you have eyes on the back of your head. 1.2330 0.04618 103 81 20 2
1838 Normally, headaches aren't serious, but in your case... 1.2329 0.06327 73 60 9 4
1839 Should be a simple procedure - just open the flap in the back and go right in 1.2326 0.05889 86 71 10 5
1840 You’re looking good, but your nose will have to be replaced. 1.2326 0.05145 86 68 16 2
1841 Dude, you look baked. 1.2326 0.05404 86 69 14 3
1842 Mr Potato, I am happy to report good results on your hearing test now that your ears on no longer sticking out of your torso. 1.2326 0.05652 86 70 12 4
1843 On the bright side, you're not missing any body parts. 1.2326 0.05652 86 70 12 4
1844 I understand you're here for a hair plug? 1.2326 0.05145 86 68 16 2
1845 Dab these allergies! I said you have a tuber. 1.2326 0.05652 86 70 12 4
1846 I think we'll skip the reflex hammer today. 1.2326 0.05889 86 71 10 5
1847 The good news is that your ankle bone is connected to your hip bone, but your humerus is connected to your ear bone! 1.2323 0.05339 99 81 13 5
1848 The good news is that your lifetime risk for prostate cancer is virtually zero. 1.2323 0.04938 99 79 17 3
1849 Based on the news I'm about to give you, you may want to put on your sad face. 1.2323 0.04938 99 79 17 3
1850 I must advise you, Mr. Potatohead, that the process to transition to a yam requires years of counseling and gallons of spray tan. 1.2323 0.05339 99 81 13 5
1851 So when are you and the Mrs. expecting your little tater-tot? 1.2323 0.05712 99 83 9 7
1852 Is there some reason you don't like French fries? 1.2323 0.05142 99 80 15 4
1853 Trust me—all my patients get baked and doused in sour cream. 1.2323 0.04938 99 79 17 3
1854 Please remove your hat before I begin the examination. 1.2323 0.05339 99 81 13 5
1855 I can remove the five eyes from your back but I can't do anything about the missing legs unfortunately. 1.2323 0.04938 99 79 17 3
1856 The only way to make your mustache grow up like a smile, is to detach it from you and turn it upside down. You need to have the kid who is your owner, be happy and do that for you. 1.2321 0.04570 112 89 20 3
1857 Be sure to avoid fried foods and friers. 1.2321 0.04909 112 91 16 5
1858 Most others are missing at least one appendage at your age. 1.2321 0.04743 112 90 18 4
1859 You’d be healthier if you stayed away from sour cream and butter. 1.2321 0.04909 112 91 16 5
1860 ...and now, Mr. Dumpty, may I get your first name? 1.2321 0.04743 112 90 18 4
1861 So let me get this right, your ear fell off and got lost somewhere in your shag carpeting? 1.2317 0.05569 82 66 13 3
1862 You have an hour to live at 450°. 1.2317 0.06086 82 68 9 5
1863 the good news is everything is attached...the bad, you have too many choices 1.2317 0.04999 82 64 17 1
1864 You're just missing some vitamin D 1.2317 0.05569 82 66 13 3
1865 You know the expression, 'Eyes in the back of your head'? Congratulations. 1.2317 0.05569 82 66 13 3
1866 Your nose has to go, but luckily it's a snap to replace. 1.2317 0.04999 82 64 17 1
1867 Unfortunately, there's nothing I can prescribe that will completely fill the void you feel inside. 1.2317 0.05833 82 67 11 4
1868 It is my expert medical opinion that,yes, you will need legs to run from the mafia. 1.2316 0.05281 95 77 14 4
1869 So I understand you're having trouble with your eyes. 1.2316 0.04838 95 75 18 2
1870 Well, what did you think was going to happen when you replaced it with a mustache? 1.2316 0.04838 95 75 18 2
1871 You actually don’t need a plastic surgeon, you can change your nose yourself 1.2316 0.05065 95 76 16 3
1872 I recommend a little less time on your couch. 1.2316 0.05489 95 78 12 5
1873 Your genes put you at a high risk of dismemberment by children, which is unfortunately as bad as it sounds. 1.2316 0.05065 95 76 16 3
1874 I went to Harvard. I don't belong in a cartoon with a potato. 1.2315 0.05361 108 90 11 7
1875 'Tell me, did the pain start before or after your election to Congress?' 1.2315 0.05361 108 90 11 7
1876 « Extreme veganism has clearly gone to your head. » 1.2308 0.05451 78 62 14 2
1877 I'd like you to give up gluten. 1.2308 0.05155 104 85 14 5
1878 Have you ever been baked, mashed, or fried? 1.2308 0.05748 78 63 12 3
1879 Stay out of the hot Arizona sun. You bake to easily. 1.2308 0.05333 104 86 12 6
1880 So you're telling me your arm literally comes out of its socket? 1.2308 0.05201 91 73 15 3
1881 Unfortunately, the part you’re missing isn’t being made any longer, and no one wants to donate theirs, 1.2308 0.05748 78 63 12 3
1882 Name? 1.2308 0.05748 78 63 12 3
1883 Best thing you ever did was stop smoking 1.2308 0.06031 78 64 10 4
1884 So, when was the last time you blinked? 1.2308 0.04961 91 72 17 2
1885 Mr. Russet, I’m prescribing Ozempic and you should be a thin fingerling in three months time. Alice Hoffman, NY, NY Aliceweisshoffman445@gmail.com 1.2308 0.06031 78 64 10 4
1886 I’m afraid we’re going to have to cut out all your carbs. 1.2308 0.05431 91 74 13 4
1887 Let’s look at a low carb recipe for you 1.2308 0.04272 117 92 23 2
1888 Well I can prescribe some ointment for that nose-falling-off problem, but that’s about it 1.2308 0.05155 104 85 14 5
1889 Well... Keto isn't for everyone. 1.2308 0.05651 91 75 11 5
1890 The AI report says that you should not sit on a wall. 1.2308 0.04579 104 82 20 2
1891 Maybe you feel that way because you're keeping all your emotions locked up inside you. 1.2308 0.05748 78 63 12 3
1892 You are afflicted with too many moving parts, so I'm referring you to a specialist. 1.2308 0.04708 91 71 19 1
1893 We were able to remove the crayon today, sir. 1.2308 0.05863 91 76 9 6
1894 You're going to need to see a specialist. 1.2308 0.05431 91 74 13 4
1895 Little too much starch in your diet I'm afraid.. 1.2301 0.04356 113 89 22 2
1896 You look different... have you had a makeover since I last saw you? 1.2301 0.04534 113 90 20 3
1897 I'm sorry that I can't help you. But please tell your family to stay in a cool dry place away from children. 1.2300 0.05478 100 83 11 6
1898 I recommend dermabrasion. 1.2300 0.04894 100 80 17 3
1899 Try to cut back on putting body parts in your butt. 1.2300 0.05291 100 82 13 5
1900 It may take some time to get used to, but everything is in its right place. 1.2300 0.05096 100 81 15 4
1901 You gotta cut down on the carbs 1.2300 0.04894 100 80 17 3
1902 It's confirmed. You have tuberculosis. 1.2300 0.05096 100 81 15 4
1903 I'm sorry, I can't find a source for your knee pain. 1.2300 0.05660 100 84 9 7
1904 I don't know what you've been reading in toy catalogs, but removing a nose is actually quite the invasive procedure." 1.2299 0.05827 87 72 10 5
1905 I'm afraid it's finally time for the knee-replacement surgery." Mike O'Malley, Trumbull, Conn 1.2299 0.05593 87 71 12 4
1906 You have too much junk in your trunk sir ! 1.2299 0.05348 87 70 14 3
1907 I suggest consulting with mensa. They won't be concerned about your bottom half. 1.2299 0.05593 87 71 12 4
1908 How would you like to be called Mr. Potatohead? 1.2299 0.05092 87 69 16 2
1909 Well, the good news is, it should be relatively easy to replace. 1.2299 0.05092 87 69 16 2
1910 Here are the results, Mr. ... what was your name again? 1.2297 0.05625 74 59 13 2
1911 Now bend over and let's see if we can find those glasses. 1.2297 0.06249 74 61 9 4
1912 They/them…? Absolutely! 1.2294 0.05154 109 90 13 6
1913 So, you would like to transition to a french fry. 1.2294 0.04813 109 88 17 4
1914 I'm sorry Mr. Potato Head, you have tuber-culosis. 1.2292 0.04794 96 76 18 2
1915 I buried your biopsy; congratulations, you'll soon become a father. 1.2292 0.05635 96 80 10 6
1916 You have a mild case of the hasselbacks. A pound of butter and an olive oil bath should ease your discomfort. 1.2292 0.05231 96 78 14 4
1917 You need to spend more time walking and to stay off the couch as much as possible. 1.2292 0.05231 96 78 14 4
1918 good news, you're still spuddering along just fine but don't go off half baked 1.2292 0.05231 96 78 14 4
1919 You need to cut way back on your starches." 1.2292 0.05231 96 78 14 4
1920 I am a plastic surgeon and you are made of plastic…but, I can’t make you look like Ken. 1.2289 0.05508 83 67 13 3
1921 It doesn't look good, Mr. Head. You have Blight. 1.2289 0.05235 83 66 15 2
1922 You need to get off the couch. 1.2289 0.05508 83 67 13 3
1923 I’m going to recommend a specialist. McDonald’s the best friar in town. 1.2289 0.06018 83 69 9 5
1924 You say you were born in Idaho? 1.2289 0.05769 83 68 11 4
1925 I'm referring you to a headshrinker 1.2289 0.05508 83 67 13 3
1926 I’m afraid I have some bad news. We seem to have attached your ‘angry eyes’ to your butt. 1.2289 0.05508 83 67 13 3
1927 Look, the best your insurance can cover is going to be "angry eyes". 1.2289 0.04946 83 65 17 1
1928 Well Mr. Potatohead, your problem is that you only have two eyes. 1.2289 0.05508 83 67 13 3
1929 Mr Potato Head …the test revealed some bad news In order to beat this thing you will need to be Skinned, Whipped, Scalloped, and Mashed 1.2289 0.06018 83 69 9 5
1930 *Of course, before I agree to do the procedure, I will need a signed release from little Cindy." 1.2289 0.05769 83 68 11 4
1931 Luckily it’s only a potato head-cold. 1.2289 0.06258 83 70 7 6
1932 I’m sorry, sir, but I’m afraid your wife is likely to remain in a vegetable state for the rest of her life. 1.2288 0.04725 118 96 17 5
1933 I see that you found your nose. 1.2286 0.04738 105 84 18 3
1934 I must have the wrong chart. So you're not Mr. Humpty Dumpty? 1.2286 0.04928 105 85 16 4
1935 We've got to get your carb count way down. 1.2286 0.04928 105 85 16 4
1936 The results aren't good. Your insides are completely filled with Legos. 1.2283 0.05595 92 76 11 5
1937 Couch potato! 1.2283 0.05150 92 74 15 3
1938 I'm sorry Mr. Potato Head, but Hasbro has never released the parts that would allow you and your wife to have children. If you're interested in adoption, please consider your local farmer's market. 1.2283 0.05150 92 74 15 3
1939 So, you’re telling me that all your weight-loss plans turn out half baked? 1.2278 0.05683 79 64 12 3
1940 So how long have you and Mrs. Potato Head been trying to make some little potatoes? 1.2278 0.05961 79 65 10 4
1941 It says here you’re gluten-free and vegan. 1.2278 0.05390 79 63 14 2
1942 We'll need to amputate. Again. 1.2278 0.06228 79 66 8 5
1943 The best and worst case prognosis is that you'll be left in a vegetative state. 1.2278 0.05683 79 64 12 3
1944 Trust me. Sour cream, chives and bacon make everything better. 1.2277 0.05243 101 83 13 5
1945 My diagnosis is that you've been skipping leg day at the gym." 1.2277 0.04850 101 81 17 3
1946 So, once again, please tell me why you think your wife was mashed. 1.2277 0.05243 101 83 13 5
1947 I’m afraid we also require a first name. 1.2273 0.05294 88 71 14 3
1948 You've got a case of tuber-culosis 1.2273 0.05041 88 70 16 2
1949 Mr Russett, your DNA results confirm that your father was a dic-tater. 1.2273 0.05041 88 70 16 2
1950 I think you are just over roasted. 1.2273 0.05041 88 70 16 2
1951 Fortunately, it's nothing that a little keto can't fix. 1.2273 0.05535 88 72 12 4
1952 We can’t proceed unless you provide me with a first name. 1.2273 0.06403 66 54 9 3
1953 You left it at home? 1.2273 0.05535 88 72 12 4
1954 So you are sensing that people are avoiding you? 1.2273 0.05535 88 72 12 4
1955 Dad, for the last time, in the office it's Dr. Potato Head. 1.2273 0.05988 88 74 8 6
1956 You have cooties. 1.2273 0.05041 88 70 16 2
1957 First the good news--nothing's broken. 1.2273 0.05041 88 70 16 2
1958 Let me explain why you do not have tuberculosis. 1.2273 0.05294 88 71 14 3
1959 Did you ever try Rogaine? 1.2268 0.04518 97 76 20 1
1960 So,how long have you been a vegetarian? 1.2268 0.05182 97 79 14 4
1961 We have found you not only have no legal standing here, you have no legs to stand on whatsoever. 1.2268 0.04971 97 78 16 3
1962 You seem concerned with a possible breakup! 1.2268 0.04750 97 77 18 2
1963 We just wanted to know how you get on the exam table. 1.2268 0.05182 97 79 14 4
1964 It's time for your eye exam. This could take a while. 1.2268 0.04971 97 78 16 3
1965 If you were a fingerling, I'd be more concerned about those lumps. 1.2268 0.05182 97 79 14 4
1966 I'm going to put you down as "waxy". 1.2268 0.04971 97 78 16 3
1967 And when did you first notice the rest of your body was missing? 1.2268 0.05182 97 79 14 4
1968 We were able to pop out the obstruction so you should be good as new 1.2267 0.05874 75 61 11 3
1969 Unfortunately the tumour isn't detachable. 1.2267 0.06458 75 63 7 5
1970 As long as you keep your hat on, you're protected from getting mashed. 1.2267 0.05558 75 60 13 2
1971 Sorry, Mr. Head, but you have tuberculosis 1.2267 0.05874 75 61 11 3
1972 This will be hard to hear, but the reason you can’t have little tots is … 1.2264 0.05066 106 87 14 5
1973 Physically you're fine, but you're still depressed over Don Rickles being your voice in 'Toy Story.' 1.2264 0.05066 106 87 14 5
1974 Let's try Sour Cream with Chives 1.2262 0.05449 84 68 13 3
1975 "Now, about your diet of butter and sour cream..." 1.2262 0.05706 84 69 11 4
1976 You may now reach for your sad mouth, Sir" 1.2262 0.05179 84 67 15 2
1977 How's the wife and the tots? 1.2262 0.05449 84 68 13 3
1978 Parts is parts 1.2262 0.04895 84 66 17 1
1979 We’re going to switch out the ears, eyes, nose, mouth, mustache and hat, and see if that helps. 1.2262 0.05179 84 67 15 2
1980 Yes. I'm a 'plastic' surgeon, but you don't need me just to change your nose. 1.2262 0.05952 84 70 9 5
1981 Perhaps we could talk about how you got up there? 1.2262 0.05449 84 68 13 3
1982 So, are you eating your vegetables? 1.2262 0.05179 84 67 15 2
1983 ...but the good news is it'll be the easiest transplant I've ever done. 1.2262 0.05952 84 70 9 5
1984 Good news! You have no missing pieces. 1.2262 0.05179 84 67 15 2
1985 I have only a half-baked idea of what your problem is. 1.2258 0.04619 93 73 19 1
1986 'It's called "Blight", but it's not quite as serious as it sounds.' 1.2258 0.05100 93 75 15 3
1987 Let’s take a look inside your back. 1.2258 0.04866 93 74 17 2
1988 It's a good thought, but I honestly don't see the Paleo diet working for you. 1.2258 0.05100 93 75 15 3
1989 If you fall, you may lose an ear or nose, but you will not crack open. 1.2258 0.05100 93 75 15 3
1990 You need to stop getting so smashed! 1.2258 0.04866 93 74 17 2
1991 I think that your best bet is to go on the Keto Diet. 1.2255 0.05196 102 84 13 5
1992 Fortunately, transitioning in a case like yours is relatively easy. 1.2255 0.04602 102 81 19 2
1993 I see here you've listed your occupation as a YouTuber. . . 1.2254 0.06406 71 59 8 4
1994 No, nothing to worry about, two eyes is perfectly normal for someone your age. 1.2252 0.05069 111 92 13 6
1995 I’m afraid that empty void you feel inside of you is a feature. 1.2250 0.05329 80 64 14 2
1996 Other than that, you just needs some Leggos. 1.2250 0.05618 80 65 12 3
1997 And how often did you say you’re receiving facial reconstruction surgery?” 1.2250 0.05893 80 66 10 4
1998 We found eyes in the back of your head. 1.2250 0.05618 80 65 12 3
1999 You say your feeling half-baked? 1.2250 0.05618 80 65 12 3
2000 You've got to cut out the starch. 1.2250 0.05329 80 64 14 2
2001 We're going to start you on a low-carb diet. 1.2247 0.05240 89 72 14 3
2002 Feeling butter? 1.2247 0.05240 89 72 14 3
2003 I'm wondering if an adverse spud event could be the root of your problem. 1.2247 0.05707 89 74 10 5
2004 Just because you identify as a potato doesn't mean you're not a man. 1.2247 0.04990 89 71 16 2
2005 And yet the hat suggests excellent balance. 1.2245 0.05135 98 80 14 4
2006 Stay away from the sour cream and butter, and we'll see you after the holidays. 1.2245 0.05529 98 82 10 6
2007 'There's no clinical study that suggests the medication I prescribed may cause leg shortening." 1.2245 0.04707 98 78 18 2
2008 Cut down on the starches. 1.2245 0.05135 98 80 14 4
2009 If you're planning to tan this summer, you can never have too much oil. 1.2239 0.06316 67 55 9 3
2010 I'm going to need you to hop down,turn around,and pop open your spare parts hatch. 1.2237 0.05493 76 61 13 2
2011 And you need to cut back on starches. Maybe get out more and meet some fruits and vegetables. 1.2237 0.05164 76 60 15 1
2012 I see that the no carb diet isn't going well then. 1.2237 0.05803 76 62 11 3
2013 You have to face reality…… You are not a celery stick. 1.2237 0.05803 76 62 11 3
2014 Im afraid you’ll have to cut out the carbs. 1.2237 0.05493 76 61 13 2
2015 Mr. P, I'm afraid your chest pains are completely mystifying to me. 1.2237 0.05164 76 60 15 1
2016 No, the procedure is not dangerous. I will literally just turn your frown upside-down. 1.2235 0.05391 85 69 13 3
2017 I don't know how to say this gently,but I don't think you're going to live through Thanksgiving. 1.2235 0.05645 85 70 11 4
2018 Good news—tests show that you’re a benign tuber. 1.2235 0.05391 85 69 13 3
2019 You are what you eat. But your cholesterol seems way too high for a starch-only diet. 1.2235 0.05391 85 69 13 3
2020 Your insurance will cover all your plastic surgery except for the hat. 1.2235 0.05391 85 69 13 3
2021 Doc, Don't know why; but I have to use toilet as soon as I eat anything. 1.2235 0.05125 85 68 15 2
2022 Do you normally keep adult toys up there, or was it a special occasion? 1.2235 0.05125 85 68 15 2
2023 We’ve contacted your insurance provider and they suggested butter, sour cream and bacon bits 1.2235 0.04844 85 67 17 1
2024 Here's a twist....why don't you pay your past due bill and put a smile on MY face? 1.2235 0.05391 85 69 13 3
2025 You say you have a headache, but everything hurts everywhere except your arms, hands and feet? 1.2234 0.04576 94 74 19 1
2026 One option is to cut out carbs. 1.2234 0.04576 94 74 19 1
2027 How long have you had this inordinate fear of paring knives Mr.... uh.... Head. 1.2234 0.04820 94 75 17 2
2028 And don’t let Little Freddie stick your nose up there again. 1.2234 0.05052 94 76 15 3
2029 Doctor Barbie is off today. 1.2233 0.04766 103 83 17 3
2030 I can certainly reshape your nose, and the ears present no problem. However, I can't do anything about the hat. 1.2233 0.05150 103 85 13 5
2031 Your cholesterol is high. You need to cut out the butter and sour cream. 1.2233 0.04766 103 83 17 3
2032 As we feared, it's a tuber. 1.2222 0.05087 99 81 14 4
2033 Someone’s been a bad carb 1.2222 0.05270 81 65 14 2
2034 I'm afraid these test results aren't going to put a smile on your face. 1.2222 0.05270 81 65 14 2
2035 I'm looking at your insurance and with your deductible, this is going to cost you an arm and a leg 1.2222 0.05672 72 58 12 2
2036 Names can hurt. 1.2222 0.04881 99 80 16 3
2037 The tests came back, and you're full of carbs. 1.2222 0.06086 81 68 8 5
2038 Good news, the DNA results indicates that you're a potato. not a pear. Shapes can be misleading. 1.2222 0.05423 90 74 12 4
2039 Thank you for being a donor. Blood type potat-O is very rare to find. 1.2222 0.05188 90 73 14 3
2040 For better proportions, we can lengthen your legs or shorten your arms. 1.2222 0.05556 81 66 12 3
2041 I think we should consider cutting back on complex carbs 1.2222 0.04665 99 79 18 2
2042 You’re a long way from the Yukon—and I’m afraid out of network. 1.2222 0.06007 72 59 10 3
2043 It says here you’ve been losing parts… 1.2222 0.04881 99 80 16 3
2044 ...and these nightmares, they are about Picasso? 1.2222 0.05556 81 66 12 3
2045 You have to stop eating spuds! 1.2222 0.05188 90 73 14 3
2046 I'll do it for free if you'll play with my kid. 1.2222 0.05188 90 73 14 3
2047 Yes I do appreciate the irony of telling you to cut down on carbs. 1.2222 0.04682 90 71 18 1
2048 Now which eye seems to be the problem? 1.2222 0.05423 90 74 12 4
2049 You say it feels like your nose is about to pop off your face? 1.2222 0.04969 81 64 16 1
2050 Did it hurt when Dan Quayle did not spell your name correctly? 1.2222 0.05188 90 73 14 3
2051 Unfortunately, the one thing we can’t change about you is the problem. 1.2222 0.04665 99 79 18 2
2052 I don't think the keto diet is working.... 1.2222 0.05286 99 82 12 5
2053 Any recent changes I should know about? 1.2222 0.04804 108 88 16 4
2054 Have you tried putting sour cream on it? 1.2212 0.05284 104 87 11 6
2055 Best if you remove your ears. 1.2212 0.05105 104 86 13 5
2056 Your wellness checkup looks great. Enjoy your move to Idaho! 1.2212 0.04918 104 85 15 4
2057 I'm sorry, Mr. Head, you'll have to see a plastic surgeon for that. 1.2211 0.05223 95 78 13 4
2058 I‘m glad to hear you‘re getting in better shape, but take it slow. Remember, you‘ve pretty much been a couch potato your whole life. 1.2211 0.05223 95 78 13 4
2059 Mister Head, how long have you been missing your right ear 1.2211 0.05223 95 78 13 4
2060 I'm afraid your insurance doesn't cover transplants 1.2211 0.05004 95 77 15 3
2061 ...a lot of these, "half-baked," ailments are all in your head. 1.2211 0.05223 95 78 13 4
2062 Child’s play! We can do it now if you brought the lady parts. 1.2211 0.05004 95 77 15 3
2063 You really need to stop sticking your spare parts there. 1.2209 0.05072 86 69 15 2
2064 I think you're beyond knee replacements. 1.2209 0.05335 86 70 13 3
2065 It’s okay to hold some things inside but in this case, to save face, I think you should just let it all out. 1.2209 0.05072 86 69 15 2
2066 The procedure will be risky and fun. 1.2209 0.05335 86 70 13 3
2067 So, a sixty year old found you in her attic? 1.2209 0.05585 86 71 11 4
2068 Look, I know “gym potato” isn’t really a thing, but you’ve got to get yourself off the couch. 1.2209 0.05335 86 70 13 3
2069 So when did you first notice this overwhelming craving for gravy? 1.2209 0.05825 86 72 9 5
2070 Why are you tired of being ahead? 1.2209 0.05825 86 72 9 5
2071 Your couch-potato lifestyle needs to change. 1.2209 0.05335 86 70 13 3
2072 My friends enjoy roasting me as well, but that's something you ought to discuss with your psychiatrist, Mr. Head. 1.2209 0.05335 86 70 13 3
2073 I’m afraid you’ve grown a rather large tuber. 1.2209 0.05335 86 70 13 3
2074 We first,you have to peel of about 20 pounds. 1.2209 0.05072 86 69 15 2
2075 Fortunately for you, gender reassignment surgery is pretty simple. 1.2209 0.05072 86 69 15 2
2076 So. You’ve had a chip on your shoulder ever since your wife ask you to remove the mustache. 1.2209 0.05825 86 72 9 5
2077 I'm a proctologist, but if you'll turn around I'm pretty sure I could help you with a nose job and a new glasses prescription. 1.2208 0.05429 77 62 13 2
2078 Type 2 diabetes. 1.2208 0.05735 77 63 11 3
2079 You say sometimes you feel like you're going to pieces? 1.2208 0.05735 77 63 11 3
2080 Take off your hat, eyebrows, eyes, ears, nose, mustache, arms, and legs and weigh yourself again. 1.2208 0.05735 77 63 11 3
2081 What do you mean you didn't put that part on 1.2208 0.05429 77 62 13 2
2082 It says here you're interested in getting plastic surgery? 1.2208 0.05104 77 61 15 1
2083 You’re a funny guy, Mr. Head, but the staff feels you could be funnier. 1.2206 0.05482 68 54 13 1
2084 It's just as we feared. Those growths you were concerned about? Eyes. 1.2206 0.06231 68 56 9 3
2085 We need to have a conversation about starch. 1.2203 0.04525 118 96 18 4
2086 Things aren't looking too good spud. You should take it easy on the starches. 1.2202 0.04195 109 86 22 1
2087 I recommend less starch. 1.2202 0.04764 109 89 16 4
2088 Well, the good news is you have an extra face inside your butt. 1.2202 0.04764 109 89 16 4
2089 We'll pull your arms and legs off and examine them in a separate room 1.2202 0.04582 109 88 18 3
2090 If you don't spend less time in the sun, you'll fry. 1.2200 0.05238 100 83 12 5
2091 You're going to have to start limiting your sodium, but feel free to continue use of the pepper. 1.2200 0.04399 100 79 20 1
2092 That's just the way you're put together. 1.2198 0.04893 91 73 16 2
2093 I'm not sure I can help you, but I can refer you to a knee and ankle specialist if you like. 1.2198 0.04893 91 73 16 2
2094 You have tuberculosis. Unfortunately your insurance doesn't cover the treatment. It's a preexisting condition. 1.2198 0.05369 91 75 12 4
2095 Yes, we'd be happy to furnish you with a prosthetic right arm ... 1.2198 0.05806 91 77 8 6
2096 You should be happy. I had a cold when I left the voice message. I said, "Large tuber" not "Large tumor." 1.2198 0.05136 91 74 14 3
2097 I recommend a colonoscopy. 1.2198 0.05591 91 76 10 5
2098 Many men would envy you, Mr. Testicle. 1.2198 0.05369 91 75 12 4
2099 I've been feeling like I could fall apart at any moment. 1.2198 0.05591 91 76 10 5
2100 You need to cut back on your carbohydrates. 1.2195 0.05494 82 67 12 3
2101 Just to clear this up sir, you feel that parts of you are missing frequently? 1.2195 0.05494 82 67 12 3
2102 Your brain is fried and your head is a bit mashed up, but you should be fine once you peel off the hat. 1.2195 0.05213 82 66 14 2
2103 When did these dreams about turning into a bowl of french fries begin? 1.2195 0.05494 82 67 12 3
2104 The numbers aren’t good. You’re going to have to cut back on carbs. 1.2195 0.05213 82 66 14 2
2105 Your body fat percentage is shockingly low. 1.2195 0.05762 82 68 10 4
2106 Any hoo, it's malignant. 1.2195 0.05213 82 66 14 2
2107 I'm afraid it's blight. 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
2108 Are you looking to just switch out an eye or an ear, or did you want the complete overhaul? 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
2109 Quite frankly, it's not the spores I'm concerned about. It's that mustache that keeps me awake at night. 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
2110 I'm sorry sir, but your insurance doesn't cover cosmetic surgery. 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
2111 What do you mean you keep all your accessories in your butt? 1.2190 0.04684 105 85 17 3
2112 We see these problems of loneliness with other You-tubers. 1.2190 0.04876 105 86 15 4
2113 At this age, you may notice some changes sprouting up. 1.2190 0.04876 105 86 15 4
2114 The urologist says you don't come with that part. 1.2190 0.04276 105 83 21 1
2115 Any food allergies? 1.2190 0.04684 105 85 17 3
2116 Knee replacement, hip replacement, no problem. I've written you a prescription. You can have it filled at any toy store. 1.2188 0.05581 96 81 9 6
2117 Unfortunately the bill might make your eyes pop out. 1.2188 0.04957 96 78 15 3
2118 Tell me more about this hollow feeling you have recently experienced. 1.2188 0.04730 96 77 17 2
2119 If you want to live longer. I recommend that you avoid butter and sour cream. 1.2188 0.04957 96 78 15 3
2120 It says here that you are Irish and missing your right ear? 1.2188 0.05381 96 80 11 5
2121 You've got to cut out the carbs 1.2188 0.04957 96 78 15 3
2122 Yes, you are definitle a candidate for Ozempic. 1.2185 0.04944 119 100 12 7
2123 I’ve never seen a patient so calm when faced with major surgery. 1.2184 0.04746 87 69 17 1
2124 Turns out your'e some stud,Spud. 1.2184 0.05526 87 72 11 4
2125 Cut down on the carbs. 1.2184 0.05279 87 71 13 3
2126 I'll stop calling you spud when you stop calling me bud. 1.2184 0.05279 87 71 13 3
2127 Looks like all the transplants were a success. 1.2179 0.05046 78 62 15 1
2128 I’m not sure you’d be happy with the results of a facial peel. 1.2179 0.05366 78 63 13 2
2129 When did you stop smoking a pipe. 1.2179 0.05954 78 65 9 4
2130 We can go ahead and swap your eyes with Mrs. Potato Head's, but Billy left her ears at Megan's house so that'll mean a twelve thousand dollar co-pay 1.2178 0.05378 101 85 10 6
2131 How long would you say you haven't had any feeling in your legs? 1.2174 0.05086 92 75 14 3
2132 I’m afraid, sir, that you need a coach, not a couch. 1.2174 0.04845 92 74 16 2
2133 Can you show me where do you feel the most pain in the neck? 1.2174 0.05086 92 75 14 3
2134 The plastic surgery was a success. 1.2174 0.05086 92 75 14 3
2135 In my opinion, you should lose some weight and the hat. 1.2174 0.05086 92 75 14 3
2136 I can cure your baldness by replacing the hat with the moustache. 1.2174 0.04845 92 74 16 2
2137 So glad to see you’re still not smoking. 1.2170 0.04645 106 86 17 3
2138 Your rhinoplasty will only take a minute, Mr. Potato Head. 1.2170 0.04645 106 86 17 3
2139 To be honest, you stopped looking like Angelina Jolie six plastic surgeries ago. 1.2169 0.05950 83 70 8 5
2140 No, I don’t recommend removing your eyes. 1.2169 0.05434 83 68 12 3
2141 You're back I see. Glad you have your ears in this time. 1.2169 0.05434 83 68 12 3
2142 Risk factor assessment; do your friends frequently get smashed? 1.2169 0.05434 83 68 12 3
2143 The eye exam will cost extra. 1.2169 0.05156 83 67 14 2
2144 Contrary to what most Americans think, a potato is not a vegetable. And in your case, that's a good thing. 1.2169 0.05434 83 68 12 3
2145 It's time for your plastic implants to be replaced. 1.2169 0.05434 83 68 12 3
2146 Nobody wears hats anymore. 1.2169 0.05698 83 69 10 4
2147 So, I would advice against the chemical peel. 1.2165 0.05124 97 80 13 4
2148 Regrettably Mr. Spud, if you continue with your party-game lifestyle, your declining years will be spent in a casserole. 1.2165 0.05124 97 80 13 4
2149 Chives are OK, but you should cut back on the sour cream. 1.2165 0.04203 97 76 21 0
2150 I’m afraid you’ve got a bone spud. 1.2165 0.04910 97 79 15 3
2151 I’m concerned that you seem to have only two eyes. 1.2165 0.05124 97 80 13 4
2152 So, you say it been how long since you've seen your knees? 1.2165 0.05124 97 80 13 4
2153 It appears to be a simple sprout, but just to be on the safe side, let's microwave it. 1.2162 0.05188 74 59 14 1
2154 I’ve never had that request before, but I don’t see why not. 1.2162 0.05533 74 60 12 2
2155 Don't worry, we're going to turn that frown upside down 1.2162 0.05533 74 60 12 2
2156 First, we need to do something about that hat. 1.2162 0.05858 74 61 10 3
2157 I feel fried. 1.2162 0.05533 74 60 12 2
2158 I'm going to pieces! 1.2159 0.05225 88 72 13 3
2159 So, how exactly did Timmy's parents play with you? 1.2159 0.05225 88 72 13 3
2160 We were able to put your ear and nose back where they belong. But unfortunatley you still dont have pants on. 1.2159 0.05225 88 72 13 3
2161 Your waistline could use some work 1.2159 0.04968 88 71 15 2
2162 If you feel this mashed now, just wait until November 23rd and you see your next visit deductible cost. 1.2159 0.05469 88 73 11 4
2163 Turn yourself and cough. 1.2159 0.04411 88 69 19 0
2164 Have you sent a form to the manufacturer for replacement parts? 1.2159 0.05469 88 73 11 4
2165 Good morning Mr. Head. Are you the one they call Spud? 1.2159 0.05469 88 73 11 4
2166 May I ask you to remove your hat, ears, eyes, nose, mustache…” 1.2159 0.05703 88 74 9 5
2167 There is a genetic marker. Are you closely related to the Dumpty family? 1.2157 0.05144 102 85 12 5
2168 It’s true, you are what you eat 1.2152 0.05603 79 65 11 3
2169 First get rid of that couch. 1.2152 0.04990 79 63 15 1
2170 I’m sorry, but we need to take both feet, an ear and your nose. 1.2152 0.05885 79 66 9 4
2171 About that rectal exam… 1.2152 0.05305 79 64 13 2
2172 Do you want your test results julienne or crinkle-cut? 1.2152 0.05305 79 64 13 2
2173 Your insurance only covers chips” 1.2152 0.05603 79 65 11 3
2174 Well Mr. Planter, I’m sorry to inform you that your genetic profile reveals you to be not nut but bean” 1.2152 0.04653 79 62 17 0
2175 You would not BELIEVE what we found shoved up your butt. 1.2151 0.05263 93 77 12 4
2176 No we can't just remove it and replace it with a bigger one. 1.2151 0.04798 93 75 16 2
2177 Unfortunately it's genetic, meaning you may pass it down to any tater tots you may have. 1.2151 0.04548 93 74 18 1
2178 We'll have to amputate your legs, arms, ears, nose, eyes, eyebrows, mustache and hat. 1.2151 0.05481 93 78 10 5
2179 If it happens again, to restore your previous appearance I'd recommend using "Krazy Glue". 1.2151 0.04548 93 74 18 1
2180 Since you have no excretion mechanisms, everything you eat accumulates. 1.2150 0.04974 107 89 13 5
2181 I’m afraid it’s all going to have to come off 1.2150 0.04605 107 87 17 3
2182 Your starch levels are incredibly high. 1.2143 0.05375 84 69 12 3
2183 So how long have you felt this top heavy? 1.2143 0.05077 98 81 13 4
2184 Finally, the nuances of being an egghead! 1.2143 0.05375 84 69 12 3
2185 We all change as we get older 1.2143 0.04644 98 79 17 2
2186 I don't normally recommend hash. 1.2143 0.05101 84 68 14 2
2187 Unfortunately, my diagnosis is couch potato. 1.2143 0.06068 70 58 9 3
2188 We can tell by your skinny arms that you are a tech worker 1.2143 0.05101 84 68 14 2
2189 You're a potato. 1.2143 0.05885 84 71 8 5
2190 bad news..we're going to have to put your ears where your eyes are. 1.2143 0.05101 84 68 14 2
2191 You need to lose enough weight to at least be able to see your legs. 1.2143 0.04812 84 67 16 1
2192 Okay, lose the boots...let's have a look at those tots. 1.2143 0.05636 84 70 10 4
2193 Gastric bypass might help, but getting off the couch would be a first good step. 1.2143 0.05375 84 69 12 3
2194 Yes, Mr. Potato Head. Bad eyes are a common tater trait. 1.2143 0.05636 84 70 10 4
2195 You're healthy. Just don't get loaded. 1.2143 0.05375 84 69 12 3
2196 As your doctor I recommend against getting smashed this Thanksgiving 1.2143 0.04865 98 80 15 3
2197 If you want to have kids, you are going to have to poke your eyes out. 1.2143 0.05717 70 57 11 2
2198 Given the shape you’re in, I recommend a low-carb diet. 1.2143 0.05077 98 81 13 4
2199 When I suggested cutting out carbs, I didn't mean doing away with the missus. 1.2143 0.04865 98 80 15 3
2200 Your diet chart indicates that you need to limit your carbs. 1.2137 0.04514 117 96 17 4
2201 Again, stay away from the starch! 1.2136 0.05281 103 87 10 6
2202 You're low on potassium. 1.2136 0.04503 103 83 18 2
2203 I've never seen anything like this...you're a potato. 1.2136 0.05281 103 87 10 6
2204 I can promise you, everything is where it should be. 1.2136 0.04503 103 83 18 2
2205 Why yes, I believe we have a couch in exam room A. 1.2135 0.04918 89 72 15 2
2206 So, the gown didn't fit? 1.2135 0.05171 89 73 13 3
2207 Unfortunately your insurance won’t cover medication for depression no matter how empty you feel inside. 1.2135 0.04368 89 70 19 0
2208 I'd recommend a flu shot, but, you won't be 'certified organic' any more. 1.2135 0.04651 89 71 17 1
2209 Your carbs are a little high… 1.2135 0.05171 89 73 13 3
2210 I suspect chronic anthropomorphism. 1.2135 0.05171 89 73 13 3
2211 That x ray gave us quite a scare but we’re pretty sure you’re a carb 1.2135 0.04918 89 72 15 2
2212 The good news: we found a torso donor. The bad news: it's a yam. 1.2135 0.05171 89 73 13 3
2213 You might want to reduce your carbohydrates. 1.2135 0.04918 89 72 15 2
2214 Is it pronounced Mr. Potātohead or Mr. Potátohead? 1.2135 0.05171 89 73 13 3
2215 Police said they found you in a moderate oven with the timer set for forty-five minutes. Therapy should help deal with your suicidal ideation. 1.2135 0.04918 89 72 15 2
2216 Not a concern. People live long and healthy lives without a torso. 1.2135 0.05643 89 75 9 5
2217 It’s as I thought. You have too much starch in your diet. 1.2135 0.05412 89 74 11 4
2218 So your say your symptoms are a hollow feeling and you keep falling apart? 1.2133 0.05467 75 61 12 2
2219 So let me get this straight. You say a child pulled your ear off your head and put it where your arm is supposed to be? 1.2133 0.05127 75 60 14 1
2220 I’m afraid it’s serious. You have no internal organs. 1.2133 0.05127 75 60 14 1
2221 She may say she has an intolerance, but you tell your wife you're gluten-free 1.2133 0.05787 75 62 10 3
2222 Your test results are in. I recommend you get off the couch a little more often. 1.2133 0.05787 75 62 10 3
2223 Any mobility issues? 1.2133 0.06090 75 63 8 4
2224 "When I saw 'full-body headache' on the paperwork, I thought the Neurology folks were pranking me again." 1.2133 0.05127 75 60 14 1
2225 You need to exercise more - water pressure is too high. 1.2128 0.04752 94 76 16 2
2226 Now if I told you once, I told you twice Mr. Dumpty that if sit on that wall it can lead to consequences. 1.2128 0.05427 94 79 10 5
2227 You have Air Fryer fear. 1.2128 0.04244 94 74 20 0
2228 It took two years but we got you back together. 1.2128 0.05427 94 79 10 5
2229 No, your eyes are not poisonous. 1.2128 0.05212 94 78 12 4
2230 Avoid being mashed, au gratin, french fried, or in tater salad. 1.2128 0.04987 94 77 14 3
2231 You are too much over carbohydrates Mr. Potato head. 1.2128 0.04987 94 77 14 3
2232 Well, Harry, you’re way out of shape and your starch level is off the charts. 1.2128 0.04987 94 77 14 3
2233 You’ll be good to go after I snap on a new right arm. 1.2125 0.05539 80 66 11 3
2234 Well, we did find a tuber, but that's not surprising. 1.2125 0.05245 80 65 13 2
2235 You appear to be genetically predisposed to run for office. 1.2125 0.05539 80 66 11 3
2236 It says your wife is concerned you're a malignant tuber... 1.2125 0.05245 80 65 13 2
2237 Fortunately, we found a donor. 1.2125 0.04934 80 64 15 1
2238 No, I don’t think it’s all in your head. 1.2125 0.05817 80 67 9 4
2239 Yes, fertility is a concern and no, we do not carry that part. 1.2125 0.05817 80 67 9 4
2240 Well, looks like all your parts check out. 1.2125 0.05245 80 65 13 2
2241 That second opinion? Sounds half baked! 1.2125 0.05817 80 67 9 4
2242 Overall, I'd say you are hot, sweet, baked, mashed, and couchy, as I would have expected. 1.2125 0.05539 80 66 11 3
2243 Well Spud, technically you are a vegetable. 1.2125 0.05539 80 66 11 3
2244 So you feel like a part of you is missing? 1.2125 0.04934 80 64 15 1
2245 The good news is your parts are reattachable 1.2125 0.05539 80 66 11 3
2246 Don't worry. Most guys your age are half-baked, 1.2125 0.05245 80 65 13 2
2247 Have you considered donating your body to the Children's Hospital after you pass? 1.2121 0.05231 99 83 11 5
2248 I remind you that this is your fifth and final full facial transplant. 1.2121 0.05030 99 82 13 4
2249 It's just chlorophyll causing your green bottom. It's harmless, but everyone will wonder if you're toxic. 1.2121 0.05030 99 82 13 4
2250 Are you fairly active or are you more of a couch potato? 1.2121 0.04372 99 79 19 1
2251 The good news is yes—in your case, a sex change operation is extremely possible. The bad news is I’m a dentist. 1.2121 0.06660 66 56 6 4
2252 Normally, I would recommend that you store your additional eyes, noses, ears, and lips elsewhere. 1.2121 0.06301 66 55 8 3
2253 Looks like carbs are keeping you in good shape. 1.2121 0.04821 99 81 15 3
2254 You look good. But I am again recommending you avoid contact with any frying pans. 1.2118 0.05317 85 70 12 3
2255 I'm referring you to a Botanical Neurologist. 1.2118 0.05317 85 70 12 3
2256 You have to cut out the french fries. 1.2118 0.04762 85 68 16 1
2257 It's all your mother's fault! 1.2118 0.05047 85 69 14 2
2258 I'm afraid your plan considers plastic surgery elective. 1.2118 0.04762 85 68 16 1
2259 Great costume Mr. Trump....but should they call you Dick or Mr. Tater 1.2118 0.05575 85 71 10 4
2260 I'm afraid those eyes have got to go. 1.2118 0.05820 85 72 8 5
2261 If there are symptoms of blight then they appear to be only in your head 1.2118 0.05575 85 71 10 4
2262 I'm afraid you have tatertotophobia 1.2118 0.05317 85 70 12 3
2263 Those aren't potato eyes, they’re anal warts. 1.2115 0.04864 104 86 14 4
2264 You might want to cut down on the carbs 1.2115 0.04464 104 84 18 2
2265 I’d tell you to lay off the carbs, but you are a carb. 1.2115 0.04864 104 86 14 4
2266 I do have some recommendations, Mr. Starchy McStarchface. 1.2115 0.04668 104 85 16 3
2267 Too much starch, let's find ways to work more green vegetables into your diet. 1.2115 0.04864 104 86 14 4
2268 Well, at your age it is typical to sprout new eyes but a face peel is out of the question. 1.2113 0.05275 71 57 13 1
2269 We’ve run all the tests and, once again, rest assured, everything is exactly where it should be. 1.2113 0.05275 71 57 13 1
2270 Sorry, my nurse didn't say stud. She said, "I put the spud in room four. 1.2113 0.05644 71 58 11 2
2271 Luckily the transplant will be a simple procedure 1.2113 0.05644 71 58 11 2
2272 Frankly, sir, you don’t want to see the X-Ray. 1.2111 0.04869 90 73 15 2
2273 First off let me just say, I'm a big fan of your work. 1.2111 0.05119 90 74 13 3
2274 Good news, your insurance covers all your plastic prosthetic replacements. 1.2111 0.05357 90 75 11 4
2275 Your lab tests all look fine but you may want to cut down on the starches for a while. 1.2110 0.04890 109 91 13 5
2276 You need to cut back on carbohydrates 1.2110 0.04337 109 88 19 2
2277 You say your name is Mr. Potato Head and you're seeking vegetable change surgery? 1.2110 0.04713 109 90 15 4
2278 I'm surprised by your starchy reaction to this prognosis. 1.2105 0.05402 76 62 12 2
2279 Would you introduce me to Woody and Buzz? 1.2105 0.05717 76 63 10 3
2280 The Good News is that your facelift will be an out-patient procedure.. 1.2105 0.04708 76 60 16 0
2281 You must limit your carbs 1.2105 0.05161 95 79 12 4
2282 The probability you will have a fall is very high. 1.2105 0.05717 76 63 10 3
2283 So how does it make you feel to be living above ground? 1.2105 0.05717 76 63 10 3
2284 I'm very sorry Mr.Chaney, but little can be done for werepotato condition. 1.2105 0.05161 95 79 12 4
2285 I see here you a donor, organic vodka. Nice. 1.2105 0.06301 76 65 6 5
2286 Is potato 1.2105 0.06301 76 65 6 5
2287 The good news is that in your case, gender affirming care is rather rudimentary. 1.2105 0.06301 76 65 6 5
2288 Do you have a family history of scalloped, mashed or baked? 1.2105 0.04940 95 78 14 3
2289 We could make your facial features removable, but you're still going to be a potato. You're never going to be an eggplant. 1.2105 0.05402 76 62 12 2
2290 Believe it or not, new eye growth isn’t that uncommon at your age. 1.2105 0.05402 76 62 12 2
2291 I know it will be difficult. But you need to cut back on carbs. 1.2100 0.04984 100 83 13 4
2292 I'm a little worried about your hips and knees. 1.2100 0.04984 100 83 13 4
2293 I think we can get the replacement parts from Amazon. 1.2100 0.04777 100 82 15 3
2294 Relax! Idaho farmers are introducing Miss Sweet Potatoes 1.2100 0.04777 100 82 15 3
2295 We’d like to enroll you in our organ donation program. 1.2099 0.05187 81 66 13 2
2296 It sounds like glue might do the trick. 1.2099 0.04880 81 65 15 1
2297 Well, the good news is your vitamin C levels are strong. The bad news is we can't find a heartbeat. 1.2099 0.05187 81 66 13 2
2298 DR : " you have multiple punctures in your skin and say you are ' 'feeling baked ' . apply butter, sour cream and salt and pepper for some relief , mister P " 1.2099 0.05476 81 67 11 3
2299 Oh Mr. Potatohead tell me, is it true that pain is beauty. 1.2099 0.05751 81 68 9 4
2300 So,which part is hurting you today? 1.2099 0.05187 81 66 13 2
2301 You're allergic to ketchup. 1.2099 0.04880 81 65 15 1
2302 Since you've made it this far as you are,just keep doing what you're doing. 1.2099 0.04880 81 65 15 1
2303 Call me a narcissist,doc- I love carbs. 1.2099 0.05187 81 66 13 2
2304 Frankly I find it a little hard to believe that you "just fell" on it. But, yes, we can get it out of there. 1.2099 0.05751 81 68 9 4
2305 How many carbs do eat in a day? 1.2099 0.05476 81 67 11 3
2306 'Let me guess: headaches again?' 1.2099 0.04880 81 65 15 1
2307 I wish I had better news so you might want to get your frown out for this. 1.2099 0.05751 81 68 9 4
2308 So, you can't decide if you want to be fried, boiled or baked. 1.2099 0.05751 81 68 9 4
2309 We think your health will return if you resume your role as Mr. Potato Head. 1.2099 0.04880 81 65 15 1
2310 I didn't know they ever used real potatoes. 1.2095 0.05188 105 89 10 6
2311 I don't want to toy with you. If we don't get to the root of the problem, you may have to have parts transplants. 1.2095 0.04822 105 87 14 4
2312 I think you should cut down on the carbs. 1.2095 0.04426 105 85 18 2
2313 Your cholesterol is fine, but your blight seems to be acting up. 1.2093 0.05515 86 72 10 4
2314 Well, your eyes are excellent. 1.2093 0.04712 86 69 16 1
2315 Your drug test shows that you're half-baked. 1.2093 0.04994 86 70 14 2
2316 It appears you have spudliois. 1.2093 0.04994 86 70 14 2
2317 A loaded potato does not mean what you think it is. 1.2093 0.05758 86 73 8 5
2318 You're going to have to layoff carbs. 1.2093 0.05515 86 72 10 4
2319 It's not a prostate problem. You can't pee because you're a potato. 1.2093 0.05261 86 71 12 3
2320 I don't think it's leprosy. 1.2093 0.05261 86 71 12 3
2321 Now, tell me again how you got on the table? 1.2093 0.04712 86 69 16 1
2322 Nothing appears to be out of place. 1.2093 0.04994 86 70 14 2
2323 Not to worry. This scrip will turn you from a spud to a stud 1.2093 0.05515 86 72 10 4
2324 Obviously the statin isn't working as we'd hoped. 1.2093 0.05515 86 72 10 4
2325 I'm writing a new prescription: no more sitting on walls. 1.2093 0.04412 86 68 18 0
2326 All you need is some good sleep… and maybe some butter, chives, cheese, bacon bits, a dollop of sour cream… sorry did I say that last part out loud? 1.2091 0.04849 110 92 13 5
2327 Let's start with the starch. 1.2090 0.06214 67 56 8 3
2328 Do you mind removing your nose for me? 1.2090 0.06568 67 57 6 4
2329 Therapy will include one hour at 425 degrees, followed by large doses of butter and sour cream. 1.2088 0.04560 91 73 17 1
2330 Good news! Your skin is quite healthy. 1.2088 0.04821 91 74 15 2
2331 Hmm, I’m a little concerned about your BMI Mr Beautato! 1.2088 0.05303 91 76 11 4
2332 Yes, diarrhea and constipation are side-effects of Ozempic. But once again, and I can't stress this enough, you don't have an anus. 1.2088 0.05745 91 78 7 6
2333 I’m sorry, but you have a brain tuber. 1.2088 0.05068 91 75 13 3
2334 For this exam, you'll need to remove your hat, eyebrows, eyes, ears, nose, mouth, arms, feet and mustache. 1.2083 0.05573 72 59 11 2
2335 Try cutting back on starch 1.2083 0.05573 72 59 11 2
2336 You need to do more walking or you're baked. 1.2083 0.06235 72 61 7 4
2337 So I see you’re quite the spud now. 1.2083 0.05112 96 80 12 4
2338 You didn't fill out your marital status. Is there a Mrs. Potato Head? 1.2083 0.05210 72 58 13 1
2339 Oh it's you, from the hat transplant! 1.2083 0.04663 96 78 16 2
2340 Cut back on the ketchup and bacon bits and you will be fine in no time. 1.2083 0.05112 96 80 12 4
2341 We both agree it's plastic surgery, but your insurance company will not cover mustache removal. 1.2083 0.05112 96 80 12 4
2342 You’re too heavy, either lose the couch or lose the mouth. 1.2083 0.05112 96 80 12 4
2343 We removed your appendix and placed it somewhere else. 1.2083 0.05913 72 60 9 3
2344 No, dude, a headache and a stomachache are totally different things. 1.2083 0.05573 72 59 11 2
2345 Either pull yourself together or go to pieces. 1.2083 0.04893 96 79 14 3
2346 It says here, sir, that you claimed you wanted to go on a diet that would make you 'flatter than a tortilla.' 1.2083 0.04820 72 57 15 0
2347 Let me start with good news,your head size is normal. 1.2079 0.04734 101 83 15 3
2348 Soak yourself in buttermilk and see me tomorrow with a pinch of salt. 1.2079 0.05324 101 86 9 6
2349 And no carbs. I mean really, none. 1.2079 0.04939 101 84 13 4
2350 Too much starch in your diet. And avoid fried foods. 1.2078 0.05338 77 63 12 2
2351 I know this will be difficult, but it's time to cut back on the carbs. 1.2078 0.05338 77 63 12 2
2352 I suggest you cut back on carbs. 1.2078 0.05649 77 64 10 3
2353 Well I never thought I’d encounter this situation, but I’ll have to get Dr. Smith to complete your prescription - the pharmacy just won’t believe we coincidentally have the same name 1.2078 0.05649 77 64 10 3
2354 Don't think of it as a procedure, think of it as a rearrangement 1.2078 0.05649 77 64 10 3
2355 Good news. We know why you've been constipated. 1.2075 0.05143 106 90 10 6
2356 Well Mister P, other than those dark spots on your body, everything is fine. 1.2075 0.04589 106 87 16 3
2357 Your glucose is elevated. 1.2075 0.04965 106 89 12 5
2358 Maybe try switching over to the smiley mouth and thumbs up arm? 1.2073 0.05129 82 67 13 2
2359 I'm afraid your insurance doesn't cover any other mustaches. 1.2073 0.05686 82 69 9 4
2360 Changing your nose should be easy. 1.2073 0.05415 82 68 11 3
2361 Let's get that junk out of your trunk. 1.2073 0.05686 82 69 9 4
2362 It says here that you'd like to have an enema. 1.2073 0.05945 82 70 7 5
2363 The exam is usually done with MY hand. 1.2073 0.05129 82 67 13 2
2364 Your problem is that you're a potato. 1.2073 0.05686 82 69 9 4
2365 You have blight. 1.2073 0.05129 82 67 13 2
2366 It shows that you are one third Dumpty 1.2073 0.05945 82 70 7 5
2367 What! You didn’t wear a mask?!? 1.2073 0.04504 82 65 17 0
2368 I can give you a cream but you really shouldn’t be storing anything in there. 1.2073 0.05129 82 67 13 2
2369 Do you have a family history of being cut in half and having all your insides taken out? 1.2073 0.05129 82 67 13 2
2370 You're medically cleared to travel abroad, Mr. Potato-head. Just stay away from hot tubs if you're in France. 1.2073 0.05129 82 67 13 2
2371 The procedure's pretty simple. We're gonna pop out your nose and put a new one in. 1.2069 0.05206 87 72 12 3
2372 So, you planned to propose but realized you don't have knees? 1.2069 0.05456 87 73 10 4
2373 Rather than put you on a vigorous exercise program, I think I'll just change out your arms. 1.2069 0.04942 87 71 14 2
2374 Yes, we will be examining the contents of your posterior compartment today, but the procedure is painless. 1.2069 0.04942 87 71 14 2
2375 The good news is, you still have appeal. 1.2069 0.05206 87 72 12 3
2376 The problem is you have no body. 1.2069 0.05456 87 73 10 4
2377 Yes, now that Halloween is over, you’re safe transitioning to a pumpkin. 1.2069 0.05456 87 73 10 4
2378 If you don't stop walking the actor's strike picket line, you'll be baked in no time. 1.2069 0.05206 87 72 12 3
2379 So how long have you been afraid of kids? 1.2069 0.04942 87 71 14 2
2380 I want you to see an ENT doc. That ear is a bit too loose. 1.2069 0.05206 87 72 12 3
2381 Turn around for me and drop you butt hatch, and I’ll take a look at your other parts. 1.2069 0.05206 87 72 12 3
2382 Well, the thing about low-carb is... 1.2069 0.05456 87 73 10 4
2383 I’m afraid I can’t help you, I’m a urologist. 1.2065 0.05017 92 76 13 3
2384 Lay off the starches. 1.2065 0.04773 92 75 15 2
2385 Your blood sugar is low, but your carbs need some work. 1.2065 0.04516 92 74 17 1
2386 Your preference, boiled, baked, or fried. 1.2065 0.05017 92 76 13 3
2387 I'm sorry, Mr. Head, but I'm afraid you're going to need more than a tummy tuck. 1.2065 0.05017 92 76 13 3
2388 High blood sugar -sure; but the good news is that you have low cholesterol! 1.2065 0.05017 92 76 13 3
2389 So, you want me to put your spuds back on so you can make some more baby potatoes? 1.2065 0.05250 92 77 11 4
2390 Sir, even the best plastic surgeon in the world can't just take your nose off and reattach it. 1.2065 0.04773 92 75 15 2
2391 Yikes. Not good. 1.2065 0.04773 92 75 15 2
2392 And I say dia-BEE-tes. Either way, we’ll start you on insulin. 1.2065 0.04773 92 75 15 2
2393 Your knees are gone! 1.2065 0.05017 92 76 13 3
2394 Your colonoscopy shows you have a blockage. It appears to be a second outfit and a nose. 1.2062 0.05064 97 81 12 4
2395 Normally it's best you keep your organs attached to your body. 1.2059 0.05760 68 56 10 2
2396 Your head is fine, but your body is missing. 1.2059 0.05089 102 86 11 5
2397 We can switch out your eyes, ears, nose and you’ll look like a different person. 1.2059 0.05760 68 56 10 2
2398 Hat and shoes also, Dave, if we're gonna do this right. 1.2059 0.05089 102 86 11 5
2399 Sorry to hear that hilarious new part is causing such pain . Let's have it out, shall we? 1.2059 0.05760 68 56 10 2
2400 The MRI revealed a very large head mass but unfortunately it is inoperable. That'll be $7509.36 for the imaging. The radiologist charges separately. Oh, I see here you are not in our network. 1.2059 0.05760 68 56 10 2
2401 I’d recommend skipping France and returning to Idaho 1.2059 0.05760 68 56 10 2
2402 Your checkup today comes with a pat of butter and chives. 1.2059 0.04894 102 85 13 4
2403 I'm sorry Mr. Head, your stiff neck appears genetic, but the nose job and ear bob will be no problem. 1.2059 0.05760 68 56 10 2
2404 If you don't start listening to me, you are going to end up back in the ground 1.2059 0.06478 68 58 6 4
2405 Your friend notified us once you started calling him "Woody". 1.2059 0.05366 68 55 12 1
2406 Unfortunately, your insurance doesn't cover body implants. 1.2056 0.04351 107 87 18 2
2407 We need to take the nose. 1.2055 0.05839 73 61 9 3
2408 As a diabetic, you will, of course, have to cut down on carbohydrates. 1.2055 0.05503 73 60 11 2
2409 You're have to cut back on the pretend carbs. 1.2055 0.06156 73 62 7 4
2410 Bad news is you are super overweight, good news is your cholesterol is zero. 1.2055 0.05146 73 59 13 1
2411 The results came in. You're having Tots. 1.2051 0.05873 78 66 8 4
2412 Congrats. What you have is Appendage Detachment Disorder, A.D.D., which was made available when attention deficit disorder merger with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. 1.2051 0.05873 78 66 8 4
2413 Mr. Potato, the X-rays indicate it's all in your head. 1.2051 0.05583 78 65 10 3
2414 Doctor: "I'm sorry but it's terminal. They will eat you." 1.2051 0.05583 78 65 10 3
2415 And you have NO IDEA how they got up there? 1.2051 0.05873 78 66 8 4
2416 I feel disconnected. 1.2048 0.05073 83 68 13 2
2417 Why you are wearing a hat inside? 1.2048 0.05073 83 68 13 2
2418 A headache? That's serious! 1.2048 0.05073 83 68 13 2
2419 Doc, I can't get off the couch. 1.2048 0.05623 83 70 9 4
2420 Wd need to talk about carbs. 1.2048 0.05623 83 70 9 4
2421 Cutting out starch would have terrible consequences for you. 1.2048 0.05355 83 69 11 3
2422 So, your here because you wish to get your tubers tied? 1.2048 0.05355 83 69 11 3
2423 2 tablespoons of butter, a teaspoon of salt and a nice hot bath should fix you right up. 1.2048 0.05355 83 69 11 3
2424 The good news is that you have all of your parts. The bad news is that one wants to play with you anymore. 1.2045 0.05152 88 73 12 3
2425 Would you mind telling me how you got here? 1.2045 0.05152 88 73 12 3
2426 It says here you need a new pair of angry eyes since you accidentally flushed yours down the toilet. 1.2045 0.05636 88 75 8 5
2427 We'll have to run some more tests to get to the root of your problem 1.2045 0.04617 88 71 16 1
2428 You’re going to have to wear pants. 1.2045 0.05152 88 73 12 3
2429 I suggest you don't work in the oil business - you could end up as a latke... 1.2045 0.05152 88 73 12 3
2430 You're fine, but I think a snap brim fedora would take years off your look." 1.2045 0.05636 88 75 8 5
2431 Let me refer you to a head-shrinker. 1.2045 0.04891 88 72 14 2
2432 Have you considered the Atkins diet? 1.2045 0.04617 88 71 16 1
2433 If you keep up with the tanning bed, I’m afraid you’ll become delicious. 1.2043 0.05198 93 78 11 4
2434 I'm afraid we have to bill you an arm and a leg for that. 1.2043 0.05630 93 80 7 6
2435 It seems your brain has been fried. 1.2043 0.04968 93 77 13 3
2436 There appears to be an eye under your left ear. 1.2043 0.04727 93 76 15 2
2437 I feel empty inside." -Ashley Caudill, 13 years ol 1.2043 0.04968 93 77 13 3
2438 Everything looks fine, except for your eyes” 1.2043 0.04968 93 77 13 3
2439 It could be tuberculosis. 1.2043 0.04968 93 77 13 3
2440 Bad news. Your entire face is on upside down. 1.2041 0.04577 98 80 16 2
2441 So you want a touch up before Toy Story 5? 1.2041 0.05016 98 82 12 4
2442 Are you African American, Asian, Hispanic, White, or prefer not to answer? 1.2041 0.04802 98 81 14 3
2443 Well at least your vitamin levels are high. 1.2039 0.04851 103 86 13 4
2444 How did you get on top of the wall in the first place... 1.2039 0.05228 103 88 9 6
2445 The eyes will have to come out. 1.2039 0.04441 103 84 17 2
2446 It's all in your head - you need a shrink 1.2037 0.04699 108 90 14 4
2447 Now, if I could just check your reflexes... 1.2031 0.05968 64 53 9 2
2448 I'm afraid your eye exam is inconclusive. 1.2031 0.05069 64 51 13 0
2449 Now, please remove your hat, shoes, nose, ears, and eyes and roll over. 1.2029 0.05684 69 57 10 2
2450 The parts would be easy enough to swap out, but not in Idaho.” 1.2029 0.06047 69 58 8 3
2451 Those eyes have been growing, which is not unusual for a potato of your age. 1.2027 0.05766 74 62 9 3
2452 A potatoscopy will not make you feel better. 1.2027 0.05435 74 61 11 2
2453 You're right to want a physical trainer, but I would say that first of all you'll need a completely new cartoonist. 1.2027 0.05435 74 61 11 2
2454 You just need some rest and limit your starches .... 1.2027 0.05435 74 61 11 2
2455 You report that, at times, you lose your sight, or hearing, nose, eyebrows and mustache. Your wife reported the same thing, but she never wears a mustache! 1.2027 0.05083 74 60 13 1
2456 As a proctologist, it’s not often that I’m asked to look for a patient’s ‘other mustache.’ But, yes, we found it. 1.2027 0.06079 74 63 7 4
2457 Your colonoscopy revealed a second set of facial features. 1.2027 0.06079 74 63 7 4
2458 I agree: pear-shaped is neither a scientific nor inclusive body type description. 1.2027 0.05435 74 61 11 2
2459 No. You can’t be a couch potato if you don’t have a TV 1.2027 0.05766 74 62 9 3
2460 You'll be a new potato in no time. 1.2025 0.05518 79 66 10 3
2461 I remember learning about your condition when playing doctor in preschool.” 1.2025 0.05804 79 67 8 4
2462 Your heart... it's mashed. 1.2025 0.05215 79 65 12 2
2463 I'm afraid if you have lost your other pieces, your only option is mild bemusement. 1.2025 0.05215 79 65 12 2
2464 You should mix more with carrots, onions, broth, garlic, squash, and greens. 1.2025 0.05804 79 67 8 4
2465 i'm a vegetarian 1.2025 0.04894 79 64 14 1
2466 I'd try to cut down on the carbs. 1.2025 0.04550 79 63 16 0
2467 Now I'll need to remove a shoe and hear you cough 1.2025 0.05804 79 67 8 4
2468 We found several items in your butt, including false teeth. 1.2025 0.04894 79 64 14 1
2469 The tests indicate you’re a nut case. 1.2025 0.05518 79 66 10 3
2470 So you're saying you have a spare arm in your butt? 1.2025 0.05215 79 65 12 2
2471 I can't recommend that kind of peel. 1.2025 0.05215 79 65 12 2
2472 All the tests are normal, but I'm worried about cognitive impairment. It says here you don't know your first name. 1.2025 0.05518 79 66 10 3
2473 Your DNA test shows roots back to Peru. 1.2025 0.05518 79 66 10 3
2474 So. I am counting 9 Prostheses including the Hat. 1.2025 0.05518 79 66 10 3
2475 Looks like you'll have to cut back on the butter and sour cream. 1.2025 0.05518 79 66 10 3
2476 So how often do you feel your arms have been dislocated? 1.2024 0.05019 84 69 13 2
2477 Sir, I highly recommend we operate before they sprout. 1.2024 0.04724 84 68 15 1
2478 Having two eyes is actually well below average. 1.2024 0.04410 84 67 17 0
2479 I’ll trust your reflexes are fine. 1.2024 0.04724 84 68 15 1
2480 You're in luck. You CAN get a plug-in member! 1.2024 0.05019 84 69 13 2
2481 Any peanut allergies? 1.2024 0.05019 84 69 13 2
2482 Just maybe switch to rice? 1.2024 0.04724 84 68 15 1
2483 I'm afraid we'll have to ampotate. 1.2024 0.05019 84 69 13 2
2484 In a jiffy--I've got a box of unused Mrs. Potato Head parts in the other room. 1.2024 0.05019 84 69 13 2
2485 I need you to turn your head and cough. 1.2024 0.05813 84 72 7 5
2486 I'm sorry to tell you, but you're past expiration. 1.2024 0.05297 84 70 11 3
2487 Says here...so you don't want to end up like your great, great, great, grandson? 1.2022 0.04570 89 72 16 1
2488 ."I have a strange fear of cooking oil." 1.2022 0.05099 89 74 12 3
2489 You blood test came back negative ...for blood. 1.2022 0.04570 89 72 16 1
2490 You’ll need a different type of plastic surgeon. 1.2022 0.04570 89 72 16 1
2491 Why don't your stretch your legs a little? 1.2022 0.05343 89 75 10 4
2492 We've come to understand that their location is not clinically relevant. What's key is that you should have no more than two eyes. 1.2022 0.05343 89 75 10 4
2493 Now I'm going to give you three words to remember, Mr. Dumpty. Sat. Wall. Fall." 1.2022 0.05099 89 74 12 3
2494 I'm sorry, the news couldn't be worse: it's a fungus. 1.2022 0.05099 89 74 12 3
2495 After the procedure you won't be able to have tots. 1.2022 0.05343 89 75 10 4
2496 I warned you about eating too many carbs! 1.2022 0.05099 89 74 12 3
2497 You have leprosy. 1.2022 0.05801 89 77 6 6
2498 Doc, I know I'm overweight, but my shredded friends are not any happier. 1.2022 0.04842 89 73 14 2
2499 A recent study showed that for people such as you an addition of sour cream could improve you greatly." 1.2021 0.04920 94 78 13 3
2500 Would you prefer to be mashed or fried? 1.2021 0.04920 94 78 13 3
2501 I know it’s a gross thought, Mr. Potato Head, but you are what you eat 1.2021 0.05147 94 79 11 4
2502 Let’s talk carbs 1.2021 0.04682 94 77 15 2
2503 I have the results of your tests. You've smoked so much marijuana that you're baked. 1.2021 0.04920 94 78 13 3
2504 We can remove the mustache, but not the hat. 1.2021 0.05147 94 79 11 4
2505 When did you start having this impulse to sit on walls? 1.2020 0.04969 99 83 12 4
2506 Good news is, we found your glasses, bad news is where we found them. 1.2019 0.04808 104 87 13 4
2507 Didn't we discuss cutting back on those carbs? 1.2019 0.04998 104 88 11 5
2508 For you, plastic surgery will be relatively cheap. 1.2018 0.04280 109 89 18 2
2509 I'm sorry but we still have yet to locate your missing ear from the surgery. 1.2017 0.04711 119 101 12 6
2510 Legs are on back order. 1.2000 0.04839 80 65 14 1
2511 Mr. Head, our tests confirm that you are, in fact, 96% enormous potato. 1.2000 0.05369 75 62 11 2
2512 Really nothing to worry about. We'll be searching toy chests and dog excrement for the next few days. We're very optimistic." 1.2000 0.05883 65 54 9 2
2513 Getting baked and loaded every night is no solution to being canceled. 1.2000 0.05883 65 54 9 2
2514 I don’t suppose I could get you to switch to a sweet potatohead? 1.2000 0.04389 95 77 17 1
2515 They aren't what you think. Stop trusting medical advice from YouTubers. 1.2000 0.06003 75 64 7 4
2516 I think I need to recuse myself and see a psychiatrist. 1.2000 0.05500 85 72 9 4
2517 Another nose job sure, but I’m not writing ‘Taylor Swift’ on your foot. 1.2000 0.05695 75 63 9 3
2518 I’m going to recommend you see an eye doctor. 1.2000 0.05454 80 67 10 3
2519 The most common complication is something we call a rearrangement. 1.2000 0.04839 80 65 14 1
2520 Maybe you should change your face. 1.2000 0.05500 85 72 9 4
2521 I can certainly write you a prescription for a larger hat. 1.2000 0.05022 75 61 13 1
2522 No, sir, that is sprouting, not hemorrhoids. 1.2000 0.05156 80 66 12 2
2523 I c 1.2000 0.05239 85 71 11 3
2524 So, how do you think the no-carbs diet is going ? 1.2000 0.04621 110 92 14 4
2525 You're not supposed to be able to see out of all those "eyes." You're fine. 1.2000 0.05454 80 67 10 3
2526 Bad news, your insurance doesn't cover elective surgery. 1.2000 0.05239 85 71 11 3
2527 Yes, you are organic. But that doesn’t mean you have functioning organs. 1.2000 0.05228 70 57 12 1
2528 Before I tell you these results, I have to ask: Did you bring your frowny face? 1.2000 0.05519 90 77 8 5
2529 Doc, I'm finding it hard to hold it together... 1.2000 0.04965 85 70 13 2
2530 Actually, Russ we can do all the work ; nose, ears, eyes and eyebrows, today as an outpatient. 1.2000 0.05883 65 54 9 2
2531 A tuber that identifies as a fruit? Wait 'til JK Rowling gets a load of this. 1.2000 0.04872 95 79 13 3
2532 I see. Well, do you think you could bring it to your next appointment? 1.2000 0.05737 80 68 8 4
2533 You've got WHAT in your butt? 1.2000 0.05156 80 66 12 2
2534 Im' sorry, but the tests show you are definately baked. 1.2000 0.04839 80 65 14 1
2535 So when was the last time Andy stole your nose? 1.2000 0.04364 105 86 17 2
2536 We haven’t found the loose screw, but we’ve called proctologist to get to the bottom of this. 1.2000 0.04793 90 74 14 2
2537 I’m sorry, it just wasn’t in the box. 1.2000 0.05239 85 71 11 3
2538 Could you wear a better face for me? 1.2000 0.04674 85 69 15 1
2539 Does mashed potatoes run in your family? 1.2000 0.06625 70 61 4 5
2540 Lucky for you, all your features are easily removable and replaceable. 1.2000 0.05097 95 80 11 4
2541 I'm recommending 450 degrees for 60 minutes. 1.2000 0.05500 85 72 9 4
2542 You’re gonna need to spend less time on the couch and lay off the chips. 1.2000 0.06279 65 55 7 3
2543 You’ll need to leave that eye with me for about a week. 1.2000 0.04264 100 81 18 1
2544 Well, Mr P., in my opinion it’s all in your head. 1.2000 0.05737 80 68 8 4
2545 It's more of a stabbing pain... 1.2000 0.05500 85 72 9 4
2546 Lay off the fried foods. 1.2000 0.05500 85 72 9 4
2547 I’m sorry sir but we also require a first name ? 1.2000 0.06651 65 56 5 4
2548 Good news! These are definitely your salad years. 1.2000 0.05156 80 66 12 2
2549 Th drug test results are clear. You're baked. 1.2000 0.05737 80 68 8 4
2550 Come back in a week. If the bumps turn green and leafy, we’ll have to remove them. 1.2000 0.04815 70 56 14 0
2551 I'm not sure you should be seeing a cardiologist 1.2000 0.04714 100 83 14 3
2552 I’ll call you Mr. if you insist, but I really need a first name to put down on the form. 1.2000 0.05047 90 75 12 3
2553 You have hypoactive testicles. 1.2000 0.06198 60 50 8 2
2554 Let's start out with the patellar reflex test, shall we? 1.1981 0.04724 106 89 13 4
2555 I’m recommending a second set of eyes. 1.1981 0.04530 106 88 15 3
2556 The problem is with your fallopian tuber. 1.1980 0.05269 101 87 8 6
2557 So how do you see your life in general? 1.1980 0.03985 101 81 20 0
2558 We’re going to put you on a diet of chives, sour cream and shredded Colby Jack. 1.1980 0.04226 101 82 18 1
2559 No, actually. You can't simply "take off" your cancerous growths. 1.1979 0.04593 96 79 15 2
2560 We're going have to put you on a low carb diet. 1.1979 0.04593 96 79 15 2
2561 This will be the easiest surgery yet to change the gender. 1.1979 0.05048 96 81 11 4
2562 I prescribe sour cream and chives… 1.1979 0.04826 96 80 13 3
2563 Your head is fine. It's your eyes I'm worried about. 1.1979 0.04593 96 79 15 2
2564 You need to have your appendage removed. 1.1978 0.05682 91 79 6 6
2565 No, I don't think that the hat makes you look ridiculous. 1.1978 0.05234 91 77 10 4
2566 Your test results show an excess of starch in your diet. Add more protein, vitamins and minerals. 1.1978 0.04745 91 75 14 2
2567 The good news is we got all the sprouts for now. The bad news is they'll be back. 1.1978 0.04745 91 75 14 2
2568 No walls for thirty days. 1.1978 0.04996 91 76 12 3
2569 Your carbohydrate levels are as expected. 1.1978 0.04745 91 75 14 2
2570 Your sugar level is too high. Eating a lot of carbs? 1.1978 0.04745 91 75 14 2
2571 So you’re telling me you want an arm transplant, foot transplant, ear transplant, eye transplant, nose transplant, and a mouth transplant? 1.1978 0.04996 91 76 12 3
2572 I accept that you're the focus of a game. It's the objective that I'm struggling with. 1.1978 0.04996 91 76 12 3
2573 With the recent advances in 3D printing, medication isn’t the only option you have for a more fulfilling sex life. 1.1977 0.05183 86 72 11 3
2574 I'm sorry - did you say you feel detached, or detachable? 1.1977 0.05183 86 72 11 3
2575 You need to be prepared. 1.1977 0.05183 86 72 11 3
2576 Yes, in men your age, it can often swell, often to three times the size of a walnut. But in your case, I definitely recommend we have a few things tested. 1.1977 0.05183 86 72 11 3
2577 I'm sorry sir, we can't x-ray your broken foot. The radiation will cook you. 1.1977 0.05183 86 72 11 3
2578 The good news is you won’t be needing the vasectomy. 1.1977 0.05687 86 74 7 5
2579 I don’t think your all-starch diet is helping. 1.1977 0.05183 86 72 11 3
2580 Mr. Potato, having no legs or neck puts you at a disadvantage crossing streets. 1.1977 0.05183 86 72 11 3
2581 It's understandable that you feel congested. You're a potato head! 1.1977 0.04912 86 71 13 2
2582 Well...it seems that things have come to a head. 1.1977 0.04912 86 71 13 2
2583 If you just get off the couch I wouldn’t have to prescribe Ozempic 1.1977 0.05183 86 72 11 3
2584 Your arm replacement went smoothly 1.1977 0.04625 86 70 15 1
2585 I want to remove your nose and put on a smaller one. 1.1977 0.04912 86 71 13 2
2586 Please turn your head and cough 1.1977 0.05183 86 72 11 3
2587 I need to run a few more tests, but it appears you have a potato stuck up your ass. 1.1977 0.05441 86 73 9 4
2588 You say Po-TAY-to. I say it's terminal. 1.1975 0.05937 81 70 6 5
2589 Unfortunately, we don't cover detaching body part syndrome, but we can refer you to Home Depot for some superglue 1.1975 0.05392 81 68 10 3
2590 So you decline to state your sex? 1.1975 0.05671 81 69 8 4
2591 Well Mr. Head it’s time for me to examine your storage container again… 1.1975 0.05392 81 68 10 3
2592 So just how long have you been feeling empty inside? 1.1975 0.05392 81 68 10 3
2593 You'd feel more comfortable being examined by another potato? 1.1975 0.05392 81 68 10 3
2594 Good news, you will never need a screening colonoscopy. 1.1975 0.05392 81 68 10 3
2595 It says here your biggest fears are ketchup and ranch dip. 1.1975 0.05098 81 67 12 2
2596 Yeah, it might be easier if you just take it off and show me. 1.1975 0.05098 81 67 12 2
2597 Please remove your eyes, ears, feet, and arms, and put on the robe open to the back. 1.1975 0.05392 81 68 10 3
2598 We can’t trace your family tree. 1.1975 0.05098 81 67 12 2
2599 Your eyes are ?, you’re too big to bake , your major risk is frying 1.1975 0.05392 81 68 10 3
2600 You may suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous misfortune but you're basically healthy. 1.1975 0.05098 81 67 12 2
2601 You really need to cut out the carbs 1.1975 0.05392 81 68 10 3
2602 Are you stoned? You look pretty baked. 1.1974 0.05305 76 63 11 2
2603 I'm going to recommend that you keep your eyes, ears, nose and so on in their proper slots for thirty days and then come back in for a follow-up. 1.1974 0.05626 76 64 9 3
2604 Are you happy with your plastic surgery? 1.1974 0.04596 76 61 15 0
2605 Are thoughts about blight interfering with your work or relationships? 1.1974 0.05305 76 63 11 2
2606 Well, I see all your parts are in the right place. 1.1974 0.04963 76 62 13 1
2607 Be sure to avoid direct sunlight as you are already half baked. 1.1974 0.04963 76 62 13 1
2608 Is Mrs. Potato Head aware you have other personalities that you keep inside of you? 1.1974 0.05626 76 64 9 3
2609 So how long have you not been “peeling” well? 1.1974 0.04963 76 62 13 1
2610 Don’t worry. It’s all in your head. 1.1974 0.04963 76 62 13 1
2611 You don't look like you're peeling well 1.1974 0.05929 76 65 7 4
2612 The good news is that the transplant procedure is very simple. The bad news is that the parts have been on backorder for 9 months already. 1.1972 0.05537 71 59 10 2
2613 Your x-ray reveals a small chip on your shoulder. 1.1972 0.05161 71 58 12 1
2614 We need to cut down the starch in your diet. 1.1972 0.05537 71 59 10 2
2615 I’m sorry to inform you sir, but you are suffering from obsolete toy syndrome. 1.1972 0.05161 71 58 12 1
2616 You have a little too much starch in your body. Nice stache though. 1.1972 0.05161 71 58 12 1
2617 I’m afraid, Mr. Potato, that skin’s going to peel. 1.1972 0.05537 71 59 10 2
2618 I think your nose reduction procedure will be straightforward. 1.1972 0.04755 71 57 14 0
2619 I’m not a proctologist, but if you turn over I can retrieve your hidden body parts for you.” 1.1972 0.05161 71 58 12 1
2620 It says here that your symptoms of anxiety intensify in November. 1.1972 0.04755 71 57 14 0
2621 'Well Mr Dumpty stay out of hot water and please don't sit on any walls!" 1.1972 0.06537 71 62 4 5
2622 Lotta potatoes your age have trouble sprouting 1.1972 0.05537 71 59 10 2
2623 The Organ Donor Program doesn’t get a lot of requests for ears or mustaches. 1.1972 0.05537 71 59 10 2
2624 Says here you're only insured for ear and nose work. 1.1972 0.05161 71 58 12 1
2625 Please turn your head and…oh, never mind. 1.1970 0.05385 66 54 11 1
2626 Take some sour cream, chives and bacon bits and call me in the morning. 1.1970 0.05802 66 55 9 2
2627 So, how do you let off a little steam? 1.1964 0.03979 112 91 20 1
2628 Let's get to the root of your problem 1.1961 0.05031 102 87 10 5
2629 How did you get here? 1.1961 0.04629 102 85 14 3
2630 I’m going to have to refer you to a therapist, it’s in the head. 1.1961 0.04835 102 86 12 4
2631 Your labs came back. I'm afraid your sour cream and chive levels are through the roof. 1.1959 0.04780 97 81 13 3
2632 I'm afraid it's tuber-culous 1.1959 0.04308 97 79 17 1
2633 Any family history of eye problems? 1.1959 0.04780 97 81 13 3
2634 I'm sorry, it's terminal. 1.1959 0.05000 97 82 11 4
2635 According to this you have eyes in the back of your head. 1.1959 0.04550 97 80 15 2
2636 It's just your age. From now on, I don't want you doing anything spud-taneously 1.1957 0.05407 92 79 8 5
2637 You know it's just an expression, right? We don't literally do that. 1.1957 0.04698 92 76 14 2
2638 Skin growths are a normal part of growing older. 1.1957 0.04946 92 77 12 3
2639 We’re well beyond just knee and hip replacement nowadays. 1.1957 0.05182 92 78 10 4
2640 Only two eyes cause your tunnel vision! 1.1957 0.04946 92 77 12 3
2641 Yes, it may cost you an arm and a leg, but you really need the surgery. 1.1957 0.05182 92 78 10 4
2642 Tell me about your carb intake 1.1957 0.05182 92 78 10 4
2643 You don't need glasses, you need knees 1.1954 0.04861 87 72 13 2
2644 For a 71-year-old, you're in great shape. 1.1954 0.05128 87 73 11 3
2645 Yes, Mr.Potato Head, as I've told you countless times before," you are gluten free. 1.1954 0.05128 87 73 11 3
2646 We will have to cut you open, but that’ll allow the recipe to work. 1.1954 0.04276 87 70 17 0
2647 A rhinoplasty would be quick, but I think it'd still leave you feeling hollow. 1.1954 0.05128 87 73 11 3
2648 Your inseam measurement has me concerned about your growth projections. 1.1954 0.05383 87 74 9 4
2649 Without proper diet and exercise you're likely to end up all crinkeled 1.1954 0.04578 87 71 15 1
2650 The test confirms that you have, in fact, gone pear-shaped. 1.1954 0.04861 87 72 13 2
2651 Hmmm... could be the starch 1.1954 0.04861 87 72 13 2
2652 I'm happy to hear that you're feeling butter. 1.1954 0.05128 87 73 11 3
2653 How's your balance these days? 1.1954 0.04578 87 71 15 1
2654 Mr. Potato Head, our genetic tests indicate you are actually a pear. 1.1954 0.05128 87 73 11 3
2655 Too many carbs, you see. 1.1954 0.04578 87 71 15 1
2656 You need to cut back on the carbs, Mr. Head. 1.1954 0.05383 87 74 9 4
2657 I frankly think all your professed medical issues are really just in your head. 1.1954 0.05626 87 75 7 5
2658 Well yes, I'm a urologist, but... 1.1954 0.05128 87 73 11 3
2659 I'll need to remove an ear. 1.1951 0.05041 82 68 12 2
2660 Sorry, ear-and-nose transposition surgery isn't covered by your insurance. 1.1951 0.05331 82 69 10 3
2661 It says that after a night with an Easy Bake you felt a burning sensation... 1.1951 0.05041 82 68 12 2
2662 Changing your body to one you identify with should be this simple for everyone. 1.1951 0.05041 82 68 12 2
2663 So, you want to be affirmed as Mrs. Potato head? 1.1951 0.05041 82 68 12 2
2664 The kid keeps telling me I need glasses. 1.1951 0.05331 82 69 10 3
2665 Now, how long have you been feeling these stabbing pains? 1.1951 0.04733 82 67 14 1
2666 Now, now Mr. Head, no need for you to be coming to pieces 1.1951 0.05041 82 68 12 2
2667 I'm sorry we won't be able to lengthen your legs, but we can transplant an ear to an eye socket if you like? 1.1951 0.04403 82 66 16 0
2668 There's a WHAT up your ass? 1.1951 0.05331 82 69 10 3
2669 Approximately how often are you 'baked', Mr. Spud? 1.1951 0.05041 82 68 12 2
2670 Actually the procedure will only take a few seconds. 1.1951 0.05041 82 68 12 2
2671 You have to avoid all starches, including Mrs.Potatohead. 1.1951 0.05331 82 69 10 3
2672 Preferred pronoun? 1.1951 0.05607 82 70 8 4
2673 The operation was successful, your facial features have been restored, and we used Krazy Glue to protect you from sadistic 3-year olds. 1.1948 0.05558 77 65 9 3
2674 It seems the X-rays revealed two spare mouths and an old Mardi Gras necklace. 1.1948 0.05558 77 65 9 3
2675 When did you first have the feeling that your head was WAY TOO BIG for the rest of your body? 1.1948 0.04905 77 63 13 1
2676 You need more exercise. 1.1948 0.05242 77 64 11 2
2677 Hmm...in your case it might all be brown fat 1.1948 0.05242 77 64 11 2
2678 And how long have you been a giant potato? 1.1948 0.05242 77 64 11 2
2679 Your health looks OK, but I'm afraid the knee replacement is out. 1.1948 0.04905 77 63 13 1
2680 So you're saying you haven't gained weight? It's just the shoes and the hat? And the arms and the nose and the mouth and the mustache and the ears and the eyes and the eyebrows? 1.1948 0.05242 77 64 11 2
2681 You say your wife frittered away with a fry cook? 1.1948 0.05558 77 65 9 3
2682 I'm sorry to report that your body is rejecting your new hat" 1.1948 0.04905 77 63 13 1
2683 On average, how many days a week have you been getting baked? 1.1948 0.04543 77 62 15 0
2684 I'll be honest, I'm worried about the weight Steve...you need to find your inner French fry. 1.1948 0.05558 77 65 9 3
2685 BIG BMI and Small brain ! 1.1948 0.05242 77