Contest #868


Cartoon

868


Name Value
Submission deadline -
Voting started -
Voting ended -
Finalists announced -
Magazine(s) announcing finalists issued -
Number of captions 8113
Number of responses 898827
Number of participants -


Dashboard

In this table, the "mean" means the empirically measured average funniness score when the "unfunny", "somewhat funny" and "funny" receive a funniness score of 1, 2, 3 respectively. "Precison" is the standard error of the mean, the standard deviation of the mean estimate. With that, a caption with an empirical mean μ and precision σ has true mean in the range [μ - 2σ, μ + 2σ] with 95% probability by the 68-95-99.7 rule assuming the responses are indepedent and identically distributed.

Rank Caption Mean Precision Total votes "Unfunny" votes "Somewhat funny" votes "Funny" votes
0 Lately, my meltdowns are coming more frequently. 1.7554 0.02467 977 439 338 200
1 My friends complain that I’m frosty and self serving. 1.7279 0.02210 1301 638 379 284
2 I scream, you scream, we all scream. It’s like no one has actual conversations anymore. 1.7265 0.01862 1850 915 526 409
3 Everyone feels sorry for the kid who dropped the ice cream, but no one ever asks, “Is the ice cream OK?” 1.7133 0.01718 2229 1144 580 505
4 I live in fear of another meltdown 1.6990 0.02350 1063 520 343 200
5 I self identify as a dairy queen. 1.6883 0.02000 1556 802 437 317
6 One day you wake up and realize that there are no sprinkles. 1.6710 0.02628 845 431 261 153
7 Okay, I’ll give you the full scoop. 1.6697 0.02404 987 498 317 172
8 And then I found out she was lactose intolerant. 1.6687 0.01811 1778 910 547 321
9 Then she left me for a gelato, but you know how smooth those Italians are. 1.6560 0.01975 1506 790 444 272
10 And that's when I realized I have an edible complex. 1.6545 0.02052 1427 760 400 267
11 Not voices exactly. It's more of a jingle. 1.6460 0.01767 1853 980 549 324
12 I mean what are we all screaming for really? 1.6435 0.02063 1383 741 394 248
13 Of course global warming has me concerned! 1.6424 0.01963 1429 740 460 229
14 My wife says I’m too vanilla. Like, what does that even mean? 1.6367 0.01866 1569 817 505 247
15 My wife no longer finds "Mister Softee" an ironic nickname. 1.6363 0.01857 1743 956 465 322
16 ... and then everyone's screaming for ice cream and that's when I wake up. 1.6344 0.02002 1406 747 426 233
17 She said I was too cold, but at least the kids still love me. 1.6293 0.01966 1446 771 440 235
18 My childhood consisted of one licking after another. 1.6249 0.01930 1461 774 461 226
19 They keep referring to me as Cohen. It's Cone. 1.6248 0.02162 1258 694 342 222
20 I seem to be suffering from brain freeze. 1.6217 0.01906 1459 767 477 215
21 I can't seem to get hard anymore. 1.6137 0.02128 1310 739 338 233
22 No, Doc-- I said I was dropped on my head BY a small child. 1.6101 0.03045 613 340 172 101
23 I saw her with an Italian gelato.” 1.6062 0.01364 3636 2228 612 796
24 Perhaps I do have a self-serving bias 1.6051 0.02360 975 533 294 148
25 I'm ok most of the week, but I dread every Sundae. 1.6019 0.01874 1585 882 452 251
26 She left me for the "the cup", said, "he lasted longer!" 1.5993 0.01828 1692 953 464 275
27 …and then just as they were about to dip my head in butterscotch I wake up. 1.5981 0.02155 1177 653 344 180
28 Now that you mention it, maybe that chocolate shell wasn’t really protecting me from the world after all 1.5944 0.01851 1494 808 484 202
29 My mom...she's a Dairy Queen 1.5941 0.01883 1525 847 450 228
30 She’s sleeping with gelato. 1.5915 0.01844 1677 960 442 275
31 I feel as if I can never warm up to anyone. 1.5816 0.01801 1551 850 500 201
32 I wake up right before I hit the sidewalk. 1.5798 0.01691 2054 1216 485 353
33 It’s just that there’s so much swirling in my head right now. 1.5766 0.01842 1462 803 475 184
34 And to top it off, I only see my kids on sundaes. 1.5747 0.01820 1935 1206 346 383
35 I'm sure, doc. I know when I'm licked. 1.5707 0.01892 1838 1168 291 379
36 I feel women want only one thing from me 1.5701 0.01940 1412 809 401 202
37 I keep thinking I’m going soft in the head. 1.5699 0.02467 844 476 255 113
38 My biggest challenge is keeping my cool… 1.5691 0.01919 1353 754 428 171
39 I think I was either dropped as a child or by a child 1.5682 0.01951 1452 850 379 223
40 It's looking like there's never going to be a Mrs. Softee. 1.5663 0.02783 701 408 189 104
41 I have so many swirling thoughts. 1.5630 0.02291 929 518 299 112
42 'I scream inside my head, all the time..' 1.5575 0.02377 956 563 253 140
43 I know a lot of people have climate anxiety, but I’m actually losing my mind. 1.5520 0.02197 1076 628 302 146
44 It’s always ‘who wants ice cream,’ and never ‘what does ice cream want?’ 1.5503 0.02088 1363 849 278 236
45 You try to perform when she calls you Mr. Softee 1.5387 0.02294 1123 710 221 192
46 They only want me for one thing 1.5382 0.02194 994 573 307 114
47 It's been a rough week doc, I'm taking a big licking. 1.5373 0.02322 871 499 276 96
48 All of them, Doc. They all were screaming... Oh, the screaming. 1.5336 0.02416 922 563 226 133
49 Doc, I don’t last very long 1.5282 0.02336 850 492 267 91
50 I 've lost my good humor. 1.5249 0.03193 503 305 132 66
51 ‘Soft Serve is not a confidence building name…’ 1.5248 0.02385 806 467 255 84
52 I’m not hallucinating—people speak to me in tongues. 1.5198 0.02623 910 608 131 171
53 My wife complains that I'm cold and self-serving. 1.5179 0.02653 867 574 137 156
54 So I said, you knew I was vanilla when you married me. 1.5155 0.02453 873 543 210 120
55 And then one day she met a guy with sprinkles, and it was pretty much over. 1.5125 0.02540 839 531 186 122
56 I'm not the sort of person you can warm up to. 1.5116 0.02497 731 432 224 75
57 She said our love life is too vanilla. 1.5107 0.02654 703 430 187 86
58 Can't you just write me a prescription for more sprinkles? 1.5106 0.02463 803 488 220 95
59 My first mistake was moving to Phoenix. 1.5080 0.02772 689 435 158 96
60 What if it's not lactose she can't tolerate … what if it's just me? 1.5074 0.02568 808 512 182 114
61 Sundaes are the worst. 1.5064 0.02622 784 500 171 113
62 We had another fight about the thermostat. 1.5063 0.02541 794 496 194 104
63 And when did you first realize that you were self-serving? 1.5048 0.02729 735 473 153 109
64 I’m great in the morning, but by lunchtime I’m all over the place. 1.5035 0.04188 284 176 73 35
65 Some days I just really feel whipped. 1.5000 0.02778 604 367 172 65
66 I should mention I was formula fed. 1.4971 0.02608 680 414 194 72
67 So, you're saying I have an edible complex? 1.4958 0.02752 720 469 145 106
68 ...and suddenly I'm screaming, then you're screaming, then we're all screaming. 1.4958 0.02826 714 474 126 114
69 I simply cannot stop the thoughts from swirling around in my head. 1.4954 0.02693 648 398 179 71
70 They only date me because I’m rich and creamy. 1.4936 0.02801 699 458 137 104
71 My thoughts are twisted 1.4932 0.02750 588 355 176 57
72 Believe me, doc, I know when I'm licked. 1.4920 0.02808 687 449 138 100
73 I've always had a frosty relationship with my mother. 1.4912 0.02774 625 390 163 72
74 I’d rather be a dairy KING! 1.4897 0.02918 584 370 142 72
75 I'm trying to keep my head over this global warming thing! 1.4893 0.02734 560 333 180 47
76 But, do cooler heads REALLY prevail? 1.4887 0.02718 665 420 165 80
77 No matter what I say, she bites my head off. 1.4885 0.02879 608 388 143 77
78 If I hear one more joke about being a sweet guy, I'm going to have a meltdown. 1.4875 0.02784 599 371 164 64
79 I had the dream about the giant tongue again. 1.4868 0.02851 608 386 148 74
80 It's the same dream every night. I scream. You scream. We all scream. 1.4867 0.03120 600 408 92 100
81 I better talk fast. 1.4864 0.02892 625 406 134 85
82 She's too orally fixated. 1.4859 0.02948 531 329 146 56
83 I think I'm getting soft in the head. 1.4855 0.02833 585 365 156 64
84 Day after day, I just feel I'm getting licked. 1.4842 0.02830 568 351 159 58
85 I feel moving to a warmer climate would make my situation worse 1.4830 0.02695 617 380 176 61
86 And then there's the brain freeze. The constant brain freeze. 1.4828 0.02895 582 370 143 69
87 Did you say Oedipal or edible? 1.4828 0.02871 580 366 148 66
88 I came home and she was covered in chocolate! 1.4826 0.02754 634 401 160 73
89 And then I had a meltdown 1.4821 0.02856 587 371 149 67
90 I was an only chill. 1.4796 0.02739 565 343 173 49
91 Let’s face it. You are what you eat, and I’m living proof! 1.4793 0.02998 507 316 139 52
92 They scream, Doc. They all scream. 1.4791 0.03184 549 370 95 84
93 I'm afraid to tell my parents that I'm really a Dairy Queen. 1.4783 0.03223 554 379 85 90
94 As a kid I made friends easily. 1.4782 0.02843 596 380 147 69
95 She said she just wasn’t ready for dessert. 1.4761 0.03011 565 370 121 74
96 She complained I wasn’t cool enough and left me for a popsicle. 1.4746 0.02850 571 361 149 61
97 Okay if I pay you at my next appointment? 1.4733 0.03292 600 436 44 120
98 I worry that I'm just her flavor of the month. 1.4730 0.03099 518 337 117 64
99 Doc, I'm worried about global warming. 1.4726 0.02904 565 362 139 64
100 Mother was cold. 1.4722 0.02969 540 346 133 61
101 I’ve never been licked. 1.4715 0.02927 562 362 135 65
102 Somehow my kids still hate me. 1.4704 0.02961 506 317 140 49
103 My corporate clients claim I'm 'Too soft in the head.'" 1.4698 0.03017 464 286 138 40
104 People don't respect me. My wife says it's because I'm too soft. 1.4698 0.02990 496 311 137 48
105 I'm sick and tired of being called a Softee 1.4686 0.02944 510 320 141 49
106 Likeable! I told the genie I wanted to be really likeable! 1.4670 0.03352 424 274 102 48
107 Big deal. Your carpet looks like a fried egg." 1.4653 0.03230 490 326 100 64
108 I often feel just minutes away from a total meltdown. 1.4650 0.03214 443 283 114 46
109 I think people are chasing me. 1.4649 0.03134 555 379 94 82
110 She only calls when she wants a cheat day. 1.4637 0.03076 509 332 118 59
111 I feel so twisted. 1.4630 0.03065 460 289 129 42
112 Cooler heads don't often prevail. 1.4625 0.03644 333 211 90 32
113 I haven’t been the same since the split. 1.4614 0.03107 479 309 119 51
114 And there's this jingle I can't get out of my head. 1.4612 0.03246 412 260 114 38
115 In my dream, the little girl who drops me always turns out to be my mother. 1.4599 0.03351 474 323 84 67
116 My brother got all the sprinkles. 1.4599 0.03159 474 309 112 53
117 I can't get her out of my head. 1.4594 0.03464 468 326 69 73
118 I scream, you scream, the voices scream... 1.4593 0.03121 479 311 116 52
119 I just think that words like "soft" and "hard " are divisive. 1.4593 0.03257 479 321 96 62
120 I worry that you're writing down, ... twisted. 1.4593 0.03003 442 272 137 33
121 …and then everyone screams, so I scream. 1.4589 0.03234 499 338 93 68
122 I don't know how to deal with the "soft in the head" comments... 1.4582 0.02970 467 291 138 38
123 What am I missing in my life? Well, off the top of my head, I'd say "sprinkles". 1.4577 0.03311 461 309 93 59
124 Then she asked, ‘why can’t you get hard?’ 1.4575 0.03284 494 338 86 70
125 Every time I warm up to someone it just gets messy. 1.4573 0.03303 457 305 95 57
126 Doc, I am on the verge of a major meltdown! 1.4573 0.03116 468 302 118 48
127 I just can't stop thinking my thoughts are being shaped by other people. 1.4567 0.03219 462 304 105 53
128 I screamed… and then she screamed and it’s like we all screamed 1.4566 0.03110 484 316 115 53
129 Sometimes, late at night, when my family is asleep, I dip my head in chocolate and pretend I’m popular.” 1.4556 0.03327 439 291 96 52
130 I think my wife is double dipping. 1.4551 0.03159 468 306 111 51
131 I feel so alone since the banana split 1.4533 0.03342 439 293 93 53
132 No one takes my headaches seriously. 1.4525 0.03127 453 292 117 44
133 I scream. No one listens. 1.4521 0.03131 449 289 117 43
134 This ice cream headache is killing me. 1.4512 0.03254 410 263 109 38
135 My wife has Breyer’s remorse. 1.4500 0.03276 480 328 88 64
136 Why am I always a guilty pleasure, never just a pleasure? 1.4499 0.03285 429 282 101 46
137 I’m always worried she’ll drop me. 1.4476 0.03442 382 250 93 39
138 And to make matters worse, my wife is lactose intolerant. 1.4463 0.03413 410 274 89 47
139 She says I give her a headache. 1.4463 0.03388 428 289 87 52
140 She said that I was too vanilla... 1.4461 0.03093 408 255 124 29
141 Always MISTER Softee. What good is that PhD? 1.4457 0.03278 433 287 99 47
142 I can still hear their screams... 1.4452 0.03249 420 274 105 41
143 She said I was too vanilla for her. 1.4439 0.03305 410 269 100 41
144 I identify as custard 1.4410 0.03346 415 277 93 45
145 ...and then they ALL scream. 1.4390 0.03568 369 248 80 41
146 No, summer holidays weren't fun either. 1.4385 0.03288 390 253 103 34
147 Apparently, I was just the flavor of the month. 1.4379 0.03107 443 289 114 40
148 I’ve got perpetual brain freeze. 1.4378 0.03369 402 268 92 42
149 Let's talk about your most recent meltdown. 1.4375 0.03580 384 263 74 47
150 You hear the song too, right? 1.4373 0.03438 391 262 87 42
151 I’m trying to love myself, but I’m lactose intolerant. 1.4368 0.03390 380 250 94 36
152 Hey Doc ..... would you mind moving the lamp? 1.4364 0.03605 346 230 81 35
153 I don’t know… I just feel licked. 1.4348 0.03320 345 218 104 23
154 I feel like my life is swirling out of control 1.4344 0.03383 343 219 99 25
155 I’m having a meltdown. 1.4337 0.03658 362 248 71 43
156 My dad loved Ice Cream…at least once, apparently. 1.4334 0.03585 383 264 72 47
157 everyone expects me to make them happy 1.4332 0.03453 367 243 89 35
158 Is “brain freeze” really a diagnosis? 1.4330 0.03272 418 279 97 42
159 I’m just having a lot of anxiety about global warming right now. 1.4328 0.03419 372 246 91 35
160 A sherbet, Doc. She left me for a sherbet. 1.4320 0.03522 375 254 80 41
161 One minute I'm having brain freeze and the next minute a total meltdown. 1.4319 0.03679 345 234 73 38
162 I wet the bed. 1.4318 0.03760 396 287 47 62
163 Really? You think this fear of the sun is all in my head? 1.4314 0.03316 401 267 95 39
164 And then I just ...froze. 1.4313 0.03199 415 273 105 37
165 Apparently I have an edible complex. 1.4309 0.03486 362 241 86 35
166 Let's make it quick. I'm melting in this suit. 1.4309 0.03433 376 251 88 37
167 I have this recurring nightmare where I scream, you scream, we all scream... 1.4308 0.03609 390 273 66 51
168 I've been dealing with brain freeze my whole life. 1.4293 0.03476 396 272 78 46
169 I feel I’m always just on the verge of a complete meltdown. 1.4289 0.03504 408 285 71 52
170 It seems like everyone wants to bite my head off. 1.4286 0.03358 406 275 88 43
171 The prospect of kids terrifies me. 1.4282 0.03578 355 240 78 37
172 Why am I always so self-serving? 1.4281 0.03939 320 223 57 40
173 Everybody wants to bite my head off. 1.4275 0.03431 400 274 81 45
174 And I only found out because the baby came out a swirl. 1.4275 0.03542 386 267 73 46
175 Everything is a lot harder than I thought. 1.4272 0.03632 316 208 81 27
176 I hate it when my wife spoons me. 1.4262 0.03562 366 250 76 40
177 I've always hated being called a dairy queen. 1.4261 0.03391 352 230 94 28
178 I feel like my life is just melting away 1.4254 0.03464 355 236 87 32
179 I'm on the verge of a complete meltdown. 1.4250 0.03337 400 270 90 40
180 My wife says she's lactose intolerant. 1.4235 0.03475 366 247 83 36
181 Well summer’s not much fun, 1.4235 0.03228 392 258 102 32
182 She left me for the flavor of the month. 1.4232 0.03399 371 248 89 34
183 I've had some hard licks in life. 1.4230 0.03715 331 226 70 35
184 And my wife ran away with the spoon. 1.4220 0.03647 327 220 76 31
185 I scream on the inside. 1.4220 0.03573 346 234 78 34
186 I think I'm headed for a meltdown. 1.4218 0.03441 358 239 87 32
187 She left me for a waffle cone 1.4214 0.03468 337 222 88 27
188 What does it mean when you dream you're falling and you hear children crying? 1.4212 0.04076 292 204 53 35
189 Turns out I was just her flavor of the day… 1.4203 0.03626 345 236 73 36
190 How would you feel if your wife calls you Mr. Softy, 1.4176 0.03639 352 244 69 39
191 I want to get the dip but my wife says it’s cultural appropriation. 1.4174 0.03719 321 219 70 32
192 "So they said I should just come out as a Dairy Queen." 1.4157 0.03631 344 237 71 36
193 I've certainly taken my licks. 1.4157 0.03577 332 224 78 30
194 Do you know what "Mister Softee" looks like on a dating profile? 1.4150 0.03721 347 244 62 41
195 Everyone seems happy to see me but nobody takes me seriously. 1.4149 0.03931 282 192 63 27
196 At least you only went bald. 1.4147 0.03638 340 234 71 35
197 Well, you'd have an inferiority complex too if you were called "Mr. Softee" your whole life.... 1.4139 0.03609 331 225 75 31
198 I scream, you scream, we all scream. But for what? 1.4129 0.03839 310 215 62 33
199 How am I supposed to meet women with a name like 'Mr. Softee'? 1.4128 0.03629 344 238 70 36
200 No one wants to date a guy named Mr. Softee. 1.4128 0.03855 344 248 50 46
201 My wife says I'm too soft on the kids. 1.4125 0.03819 303 208 65 30
202 One minute she’s calling me sweet, the next she’s biting my head off 1.4121 0.04096 313 228 41 44
203 Well, doc, you see, um, I have trouble staying hard. 1.4108 0.03779 353 254 53 46
204 I am always on the verge of a complete meltdown. 1.4105 0.04114 285 202 49 34
205 I can’t shake feeling licked by life 1.4103 0.03755 290 195 71 24
206 I know I'm licked. When I meet someone hot, I just melt. 1.4094 0.03712 342 241 62 39
207 I just never know if people like me for MYSELF. 1.4089 0.03780 269 178 72 19
208 Do you have any idea how hard it is to meet women when your name is Mr. Softee? 1.4088 0.03852 296 204 63 29
209 All I see are tongues everywhere. 1.4086 0.03687 301 203 73 25
210 I can’t escape the feeling that below the surface, I’m just empty. 1.4078 0.03898 309 218 56 35
211 A classic edible complex Doc. 1.4074 0.03841 297 205 63 29
212 Is it OK if I scream? 1.4073 0.03909 302 212 57 33
213 She left me for some Gelato. 1.4067 0.03861 327 234 53 40
214 I had another meltdown yesterday. 1.4065 0.03638 310 210 74 26
215 I'm really worried about climate change. 1.4065 0.03751 310 214 66 30
216 My wife thinks I'm twisted and cold. 1.4063 0.03625 315 214 74 27
217 I feel like I’m just the flavor of the month. 1.4051 0.03474 316 210 84 22
218 My mother? Cold. Distant. She's the reason I came out twisted. 1.4050 0.04050 279 196 53 30
219 She wanted toppings; I didn’t. 1.4049 0.03773 284 192 69 23
220 Can I still get cremated? 1.4043 0.03922 282 195 60 27
221 I'd like to find a girl just like my Mom - but with sprinkles. 1.4040 0.03926 297 209 56 32
222 I scream, you scream….it’s all too much conflict. 1.4036 0.03961 275 190 59 26
223 My father would tell me I wasn’t worth a lick. 1.4032 0.03748 310 215 65 30
224 I still regret not getting sprinkles. 1.4026 0.03782 303 210 64 29
225 Nice try, doc. No, it's NOT better than being bald. 1.4023 0.04076 261 181 55 25
226 I just want someone to love me for who I am. Even on the cold days. 1.4019 0.03585 316 215 75 26
227 My wife’s threatening to dessert me. 1.4018 0.03511 336 230 77 29
228 …and that’s when she said she’s more of a cake person. 1.4015 0.03867 274 187 64 23
229 I’m experiencing existential dread about global warming. 1.4007 0.03965 307 221 49 37
230 I feel I'm just somebody's Flavor of the Month. 1.4006 0.03577 337 234 71 32
231 I have this recurring nightmare that I'm upside down on the sidewalk. 1.4000 0.03793 295 204 64 27
232 I’m tired of being the flavor of the month. 1.3993 0.04013 288 205 51 32
233 I know I sound a little twisted. 1.3987 0.03497 316 213 80 23
234 I scream, but no one listens. 1.3987 0.03752 306 213 64 29
235 If I hear "Keep a cool head!" one more time . . . 1.3986 0.03891 291 204 58 29
236 …and then she said “I’m lactose intolerant”… 1.3980 0.03910 304 217 53 34
237 I have a recurring dream about being licked. 1.3978 0.03758 274 185 69 20
238 My doubles partner says I'm a soft serve. 1.3975 0.03629 317 219 70 28
239 I feel like girls only want to date me for one thing ... 1.3973 0.03693 292 199 70 23
240 I'm a Dairy Queen in a Burger King body. 1.3972 0.04081 287 207 46 34
241 Except for this head cold, I feel fine, Doc. 1.3965 0.03854 285 198 61 26
242 Brain freezes aside, now my wife claims she’s lactose intolerant. 1.3964 0.03803 280 192 65 23
243 With a name like "Mr. Softee" seems to be a turn-ff with the ladies. 1.3953 0.03890 253 171 64 18
244 I got fired from my reporter job because I never got a scoop. 1.3947 0.03649 304 209 70 25
245 Sometimes I feel everyone is sticking their tongue out at me. 1.3943 0.03598 317 219 71 27
246 My relationship with my children feel so transactional. 1.3942 0.04064 241 165 57 19
247 Yes, I still have nightmares of Sundae School. 1.3942 0.04062 274 195 50 29
248 I was a middle child… the 16th of 31 flavors. 1.3942 0.03996 274 193 54 27
249 No matter what I do, I'm licked. 1.3939 0.03859 297 210 57 30
250 Then she left me for two Jewish guys in Vermont... 1.3936 0.04398 249 181 38 30
251 Everybody's screaming. 1.3930 0.03885 257 175 63 19
252 It seems no one wants plain vanilla any more. 1.3925 0.03680 293 201 69 23
253 Most days, I just feel licked. 1.3922 0.03869 283 198 59 26
254 After I introduce myself as Mister Softee, I never get a second date. 1.3912 0.03885 294 209 55 30
255 Last summer I had a total meltdown. 1.3903 0.03942 269 188 57 24
256 ...and then my girlfriend called me Mr. Softee. How am I supposed to live with that? 1.3898 0.03784 295 207 61 27
257 My life has lost its flavor. 1.3897 0.03861 290 205 57 28
258 My mother liked Chocolate more 1.3895 0.03782 285 198 63 24
259 The melt downs are non stop 1.3893 0.04025 280 201 49 30
260 Friends? Suddenly, they’re all lactose intolerant. 1.3893 0.04025 280 201 49 30
261 Sometimes I scream for no reason at all 1.3887 0.04158 265 191 45 29
262 Before we talk,do you have a napkin? 1.3876 0.04205 258 186 44 28
263 I'm not sure if I am lactose intolerant or if it's all in my head 1.3872 0.03970 266 187 55 24
264 ...I've been hearing these screams. 1.3872 0.03671 297 206 67 24
265 Where’s this going Doc? First you scream, then I scream. Pretty soon… 1.3868 0.04011 287 208 47 32
266 Doc, I'm afraid I won't be able to lick this problem. 1.3863 0.03923 277 196 55 26
267 Actually, my childhood was hard. 1.3862 0.03700 290 201 66 23
268 I can’t focus - my thoughts are swirling. 1.3862 0.03535 290 196 76 18
269 People assume I'm cool-minded, but honestly I feel like I'm always on the verge of a meltdown. 1.3860 0.03941 272 192 55 25
270 I enjoy being whipped. 1.3860 0.03611 285 194 72 19
271 I think I'm LGBTDQ 1.3859 0.04461 241 177 35 29
272 Just once, I would’ve liked to have been flavor of the month.” 1.3855 0.04120 262 188 47 27
273 Well, my mother is Neapolitan. 1.3855 0.03806 275 191 62 22
274 It's more of an upward spiral. 1.3849 0.03977 278 199 51 28
275 Ever since she discovered oat milk, she doesn’t look at me the way she did before. 1.3849 0.03742 278 192 65 21
276 I thought I was her Dairy King. 1.3843 0.03644 281 192 70 19
277 I see you got new furniture since my last meltdown. 1.3843 0.04288 242 174 43 25
278 I don't do public speaking because I tend to freeze. 1.3837 0.03538 258 170 77 11
279 I just don't like being licked all the time. Know what I mean? 1.3836 0.04189 219 151 52 16
280 "I would've been a great tennis player if it wasn't for my soft serve." 1.3826 0.04058 264 189 49 26
281 Is it warm in here? 1.3825 0.03641 285 196 69 20
282 Ok. I’ll let you. In lieu of payment. 1.3824 0.04257 238 170 45 23
283 Brain freeze? Is that all you’ve got? 1.3813 0.04063 257 183 50 24
284 I'll get straight to the pint. 1.3812 0.04035 223 152 57 14
285 Are they really all screaming for me? 1.3811 0.03865 265 185 59 21
286 But it’s not just you or I. They all scream. 1.3808 0.04138 260 188 45 27
287 My wife complains that Iv'e become a bit frosty. 1.3808 0.04029 239 166 55 18
288 It’s only a matter of time before I have a total meltdown 1.3803 0.04089 234 163 53 18
289 It just feels like my head is in a swirl. 1.3798 0.03700 258 175 68 15
290 I was born a dairy king, but I feel more like a dairy queen. 1.3795 0.04119 224 155 53 16
291 They treat me like I'm dispensable. 1.3793 0.04053 261 187 49 25
292 I don’t understand why nobody seems to look me in the eyes. 1.3793 0.03926 232 158 60 14
293 It's the same dream every time. I'm in a truck being chased by a bunch of screaming kids while a hideous tune plays over and over... 1.3793 0.04376 232 168 40 24
294 My mother was...cold. 1.3784 0.04111 259 187 46 26
295 I’m on the verge of a meltdown. 1.3784 0.04074 259 186 48 25
296 Summers are the worst. 1.3782 0.04082 238 167 52 19
297 They used to all scream for me. 1.3778 0.03811 270 189 60 21
298 Am I too self-serving? 1.3777 0.04098 278 205 41 32
299 Mother never gave me sprinkles. 1.3777 0.04360 233 169 40 24
300 ...Well it’s over, apparently she’s going lactose-free. 1.3775 0.04074 249 177 50 22
301 A month ago, she couldn't get enough, but yesterday I saw her checking out the apple cider donuts. 1.3773 0.03672 273 188 67 18
302 What do you think is triggering these meltdowns? 1.3768 0.03855 276 196 56 24
303 He gets to be the Burger King and I have to be the Dairy Queen? Is that fair? 1.3766 0.04029 231 160 55 16
304 I had another meltdown. 1.3766 0.04211 231 164 47 20
305 Never believed in this 'you are what you eat' thing and look at me now! 1.3760 0.04083 258 186 47 25
306 Mother always wanted a sundae. 1.3759 0.03874 274 195 55 24
307 It didn’t help that my mother was a chocolate lover. 1.3755 0.03599 245 163 72 10
308 She’s French kissing me one minute, then says she has a headache the next… 1.3745 0.04277 251 185 38 28
309 My thoughts are constantly swirling around in my head. 1.3745 0.04018 243 171 53 19
310 First I scream and then they scream and then we all scream and then I wake up 1.3744 0.04655 227 171 27 29
311 Do you think I have an edible complex? 1.3739 0.04087 222 154 53 15
312 They were all screaming... screaming for me. 1.3735 0.04302 249 184 37 28
313 My wife claims I give her headaches. 1.3735 0.03865 249 173 59 17
314 He screams, she screams. They all scream. 1.3735 0.03907 249 174 57 18
315 Last night in bed she yelled out "Ben!" . And then "Jerry". 1.3734 0.04248 241 175 42 24
316 I feel like I'm melting,but I know it's all in my head. 1.3730 0.04328 244 180 37 27
317 I dreamed about tongues again. 1.3729 0.04271 236 171 42 23
318 I keep having unexpected meltdowns. 1.3714 0.04114 245 176 47 22
319 Why is it that women always want chocolate? 1.3709 0.03893 275 198 52 25
320 On top of everything else, she left me for a smoothie. 1.3709 0.03789 275 195 58 22
321 Brain freeze. 1.3705 0.03963 251 178 53 20
322 My mother? She was always very cold 1.3704 0.04108 216 150 52 14
323 They say I’m cone-dependent. 1.3702 0.04152 235 168 47 20
324 My wife makes me sleep in the freezer. 1.3697 0.04199 238 172 44 22
325 I just feel like everything I’ve worked for is melting away. 1.3693 0.04077 241 172 49 20
326 “My wife says I’m too soft on our kids.” 1.3682 0.03602 258 176 69 13
327 I wouldn’t characterize it so much as brain fog…it’s more like brain freeze 1.3682 0.04100 239 171 48 20
328 It’s hard not to take global warming personally 1.3680 0.04289 231 168 41 22
329 So many things are just swirling around my head. 1.3680 0.04017 231 162 53 16
330 My childhood? Well, I guess my mother was always a little frosty... 1.3676 0.03897 253 179 55 19
331 I have all these thoughts swirling around in my head. 1.3672 0.03825 256 180 58 18
332 It’s just so hard to stay chill! 1.3672 0.03533 256 173 72 11
333 I always feel like I am about to have a melt down. 1.3671 0.04166 237 171 45 21
334 I'm afraid I'm getting soft. 1.3671 0.03663 237 160 67 10
335 I feel as though my brain is melting! 1.3668 0.04133 229 163 48 18
336 I was the Dairy Queen until drag shows were made illegal. 1.3668 0.04060 259 189 45 25
337 Before we get started could you do me a favor and turn the heat down? 1.3663 0.04091 243 175 47 21
338 Everybody assumes that I’m soft all over, but it’s just in my head. 1.3663 0.04091 243 175 47 21
339 Our date was going so well until I told her she could lick me. 1.3662 0.04500 213 156 36 21
340 I just can't stop melting down in public. 1.3660 0.03967 235 165 54 16
341 To this day, I've never been allowed back inside that haberdashery, and it hurts. 1.3659 0.04416 205 147 41 17
342 I can’t afford to have another meltdown. 1.3655 0.03977 238 168 53 17
343 Being called Mr. Softee gives me performance anxiety. 1.3648 0.04258 233 170 41 22
344 I've got brain freeze 1.3647 0.03750 255 178 61 16
345 Sometimes I'll wake up in the middle of the night and I scream 1.3644 0.04228 225 162 44 19
346 Never known a day without brain freeze. 1.3644 0.04131 236 170 46 20
347 Is it just me? Or is it hot in here? 1.3641 0.03926 217 149 57 11
348 They find me attractive, but afterward they feel ashamed. 1.3640 0.04369 228 168 37 23
349 I constantly Fear Global Warming 1.3640 0.04262 239 176 39 24
350 Sometimes I wish I could be harder. 1.3636 0.04148 220 156 48 16
351 Then she said I was cold 1.3636 0.04194 231 167 44 20
352 Fine then, I'll start at the beginning. My parents were always very cold to me... 1.3633 0.04104 245 178 45 22
353 It’s just been a week since my mother melted. 1.3633 0.03719 245 169 63 13
354 She says she loves me, but that I’m no good for her. 1.3629 0.04287 237 175 38 24
355 The first time I laid eyes on her I just melted. 1.3624 0.03985 229 161 53 15
356 Doc,I am having a meltdown! 1.3621 0.03871 243 171 56 16
357 I’ll never be able to lick this 1.3620 0.04231 221 159 44 18
358 Now my wife thinks she is lactose intolerant. 1.3613 0.04102 238 172 46 20
359 What I really wanted to be remembered for was my music. 1.3612 0.04056 227 161 50 16
360 All my life I thought I was cream, but my mother just told me we were ice milk. 1.3612 0.03704 227 154 64 9
361 I've come to realize I can't lick this problem myself, Doctor. 1.3609 0.04112 230 165 47 18
362 It is nice to be wanted, but why does everybody keep screaming for me? 1.3609 0.03971 230 162 53 15
363 I'm afraid I'm having a meltdown. 1.3607 0.04783 183 134 32 17
364 I had a killer backhand but was doomed by my soft serve. 1.3600 0.04030 225 159 51 15
365 She broke up with me because she claimed that I was too vanilla. 1.3596 0.04407 228 170 34 24
366 Supposedly my personality is too vanilla. 1.3595 0.04176 242 178 41 23
367 Everyone says my mind is twisted. 1.3595 0.04009 242 174 49 19
368 I met somebody but she's dairy free. 1.3594 0.04283 217 157 42 18
369 It’s just that every morning there’s always more than just a chance of sprinkles. 1.3593 0.04004 231 164 51 16
370 I can't shake the idea that my life is just plain vanilla. 1.3592 0.04170 206 145 48 13
371 Ok give me the scoop! 1.3586 0.04111 237 172 45 20
372 She said our sex life was too vanilla 1.3586 0.04154 237 173 43 21
373 I’m not a queen! I’m a king! 1.3585 0.04504 212 157 34 21
374 Being coolheaded is overrated. 1.3578 0.04252 204 145 45 14
375 It all started when they came out with that poop emoji. 1.3578 0.04600 218 165 28 25
376 And then she asked me if I’ve ever considered sprinkles 1.3574 0.04000 235 168 50 17
377 Why am I only attracted to lactose intolerant people?" 1.3571 0.04231 224 163 42 19
378 My thoughts keep swirling in my head. 1.3571 0.04231 224 163 42 19
379 I just feel so cold inside. 1.3568 0.04328 227 168 37 22
380 I'm worried I'm going soft in the head. 1.3568 0.03849 213 146 58 9
381 I feel I'm one lick away from a melt down. 1.3568 0.04336 213 155 40 18
382 why does she only want to see me on her cheat days 1.3568 0.04677 185 135 34 16
383 Yeah, I used to be bald too. But more importantly, what's with the fried egg rug? 1.3565 0.04440 216 160 35 21
384 You’re too vanilla,” she said. What does that even mean 1.3565 0.04242 216 156 43 17
385 Sixteen years of marriage & *now* she discovers she’s lactose intolerant? 1.3562 0.04332 233 174 35 24
386 I'm afraid kids will find out that I'm really a Dairy Queen. 1.3562 0.04022 233 167 49 17
387 OK Doc., here's the scoop. 1.3562 0.04299 219 160 40 19
388 It just seems like when I make others happy, there is less of me. 1.3561 0.04613 205 153 31 21
389 And then everybody started screaming. 1.3559 0.04110 222 159 47 16
390 My biggest fear is having a meltdown. 1.3558 0.04247 208 149 44 15
391 And then the cop said, ‘Freeze!’ 1.3558 0.04302 208 150 42 16
392 To start, can I trust you to keep the air conditioning on high? 1.3550 0.04364 200 144 41 15
393 Is it so much to ask for sprinkles? 1.3550 0.03997 231 165 50 16
394 My fantasy is to be a Dairy Queen. . 1.3548 0.04656 186 136 34 16
395 I want to be licked. 1.3538 0.04188 212 152 45 15
396 I feel like I have little time left. 1.3535 0.03932 215 150 54 11
397 ...and everyone was just... screaming... 1.3533 0.05018 150 108 31 11
398 It'd be easier to relax if you turned the thermostat down 1.3532 0.04514 201 148 35 18
399 Doc, I just need to know- is it brain freeze? Or is it just all on my head? 1.3532 0.04514 201 148 35 18
400 There's one problem I can't lick. 1.3529 0.04314 221 163 38 20
401 I’m done, doc. I’m licked. 1.3529 0.04246 187 131 46 10
402 It’s the music, doc. It follows me everywhere. 1.3527 0.04080 224 161 47 16
403 She said the thrill is gone and left me for Ben & Jerry 1.3527 0.04271 224 165 39 20
404 The doc said I have till Summer… 1.3527 0.04271 224 165 39 20
405 Maybe it's because I'm such a big Softee. 1.3527 0.04145 207 147 47 13
406 He screams. She screams. They all scream. And in that moment I just want to melt away. 1.3521 0.04225 213 154 43 16
407 Everytime I close my eyes I see a huge tongue coming towards me! 1.3518 0.04374 199 144 40 15
408 It doesn’t matter how hard I try, or what I do, people still see me as just plain vanilla. 1.3517 0.04113 236 173 43 20
409 You ever hear of brain freeze? 1.3516 0.04040 219 156 49 14
410 Sometimes I scream softly. 1.3515 0.04440 202 148 37 17
411 I’m licked, Doctor. 1.3515 0.04212 202 144 45 13
412 I think my repression comes from my parents. They were both so vanilla. And cold, come to think of it. 1.3515 0.03988 239 173 48 18
413 It's same dream every night. Dozens of kids chasing after me. 1.3514 0.04201 222 162 42 18
414 Of course I’m jealous! My brother was born a tiramisu gelato on a waffle cone! 1.3512 0.04338 205 149 40 16
415 Ice Cream and Ice Cream, Doc, but nobody hears me. 1.3511 0.03915 225 159 53 13
416 Women say I'm sweet, but I lack warmth. 1.3510 0.04556 208 156 31 21
417 My wife says I'm too vanilla. 1.3507 0.04143 211 151 46 14
418 My brother the snow cone was always the favorite, 1.3505 0.04156 214 154 45 15
419 'I scream! You scream!' It's driving me mad! 1.3504 0.04091 234 171 44 19
420 Even worse....I'm lactose intolerant. 1.3503 0.04750 177 130 32 15
421 If things heat up at work, as I expect, I know I'm going to have a major meltdown. 1.3502 0.04115 217 156 46 15
422 Life has been so vanilla lately 1.3498 0.04422 203 149 37 17
423 So my lactose intolerance is just self-loathing? 1.3498 0.04476 203 150 35 18
424 I really hate the music on the truck 1.3496 0.04049 226 163 47 16
425 I'm telling you, if I don't chill out, I'm going to have a meltdown! 1.3493 0.04435 209 155 35 19
426 My parents were always disappointed in me. They were Gelatos. 1.3491 0.04637 212 162 26 24
427 It’s like one day you wake up and realise all your sprinkles are gone. 1.3484 0.04401 221 166 33 22
428 It’s vanilla. Why did you ask? 1.3484 0.04061 221 159 47 15
429 I feel like I'm on the brink of a meltdown. 1.3478 0.04516 207 155 32 20
430 I guess it started when my mother told me, ‘You keep eating all these ice cream cones, you’re going to turn into one.’ 1.3476 0.04312 210 154 39 17
431 I think the cone envy started in middle school gym class. 1.3474 0.04511 190 139 36 15
432 But the same thoughts keep swirling in my head. 1.3472 0.04227 216 158 41 17
433 My mother radiated such warmth. It was pure agony. 1.3467 0.04423 199 146 37 16
434 I scream all the time. 1.3463 0.04077 231 169 44 18
435 My wife says I’m a big softie. 1.3459 0.03655 266 191 58 17
436 My head is spinning and I feel cold all of the time. 1.3455 0.04066 246 183 41 22
437 My parents always wanted chocolate. 1.3452 0.04734 197 150 26 21
438 Well, I survived the summer. 1.3448 0.03946 203 142 52 9
439 I didn't expect that transitioning from being a Dairy Queen to a Dairy King would be so difficult. 1.3447 0.04474 206 154 33 19
440 Everybody has been wanting to bite my head off. 1.3447 0.04257 206 150 41 15
441 I'm not in Good Humor... 1.3442 0.03803 215 150 56 9
442 All my friends have toppings. 1.3434 0.04256 198 143 42 13
443 They say I've gone soft! 1.3434 0.04134 198 141 46 11
444 She left me for two scoops of chocolate 1.3433 0.03969 201 141 51 9
445 And that’s when she told me she was lactose intolerant. 1.3431 0.04609 204 155 28 21
446 I've always felt inadequate for not being dipped 1.3431 0.04169 204 147 44 13
447 I struggle with brain freeze. 1.3430 0.04402 207 154 35 18
448 And then the headaches started. 1.3430 0.04559 207 157 29 21
449 It's all kinda swirling around in there. 1.3430 0.04070 207 148 47 12
450 I screamed; they screamed; and then we all screamed. 1.3429 0.04511 210 159 30 21
451 My mother was such a Dairy Queen. 1.3429 0.04087 210 151 46 13
452 Every day is like a Sundae... 1.3429 0.04343 175 124 42 9
453 I dread going to the beach. I witnessed my sister being abducted by a seagull." 1.3426 0.04219 216 159 40 17
454 I'm always having to say HEY, my eyes are down here !! 1.3425 0.04660 181 134 32 15
455 My head is always swirling. 1.3425 0.04127 219 160 43 16
456 I'm seriously worried about global warming, Doc. And don't tell me it's all in my head 1.3418 0.04578 196 147 31 18
457 I can't help but suffer an emotional meltdown. 1.3416 0.04310 202 148 39 15
458 I’m struggling to avoid a meltdown here. 1.3413 0.04277 208 153 39 16
459 I feel like I have a head cold, doc. 1.3412 0.04728 170 125 32 13
460 It’s not self-hatred, Doc. I’m just lactose intolerant. 1.3410 0.04811 173 129 29 15
461 “I’m telling you, doc! Everywhere I go, people scream and scream and scream…” 1.3404 0.04656 188 141 30 17
462 My wife says I've been too soft on the kids. 1.3403 0.04542 191 142 33 16
463 - you are what you eat. I can live with that. 1.3400 0.04452 200 149 34 17
464 Could this just be a case of brain freeze? 1.3399 0.04292 203 149 39 15
465 Everyone tries to top me. 1.3399 0.04118 203 146 45 12
466 Mother never let me have any sprinkles 1.3397 0.04260 209 154 39 16
467 No tissues, thank you. I prefer a giant fistful of paper napkins.” 1.3397 0.04038 209 150 47 12
468 Nobody really wants to be remembered as “Mister Softee” 1.3396 0.04110 212 154 44 14
469 Thanks for cranking up the AC! 1.3391 0.04040 233 172 43 18
470 It all started when she said she was lactose intolerant. 1.3390 0.04521 177 129 36 12
471 The screams, doc, I can't handle the screams. 1.3389 0.04803 180 136 27 17
472 She said she's "lactose intolerant" 1.3389 0.04398 180 130 39 11
473 Thank you for seeing me so soon, I’m having a real meltdown. 1.3386 0.04449 189 139 36 14
474 When I see her, my head just melts and I’m a mess 1.3383 0.04376 201 149 36 16
475 I keep dreaming of being licked. 1.3382 0.04160 204 148 43 13
476 Girls don't like me. I'm soft. 1.3381 0.04078 210 152 45 13
477 Climate change worries me, Doc. 1.3380 0.04261 216 161 37 18
478 They call me a dairy queen. 1.3377 0.04004 228 167 45 16
479 I have all these thoughts just swirling around in my head 1.3370 0.04780 181 137 27 17
480 My wife says I've been cold and distant. What choice do I have? 1.3368 0.04170 190 136 44 10
481 I’m “ too vanilla” according to her… 1.3367 0.04394 196 145 36 15
482 To her, I was just the next Flavor of the month! She’s moved on Doc! 1.3367 0.04453 196 146 34 16
483 And when people say they are lactose intolerant how does that make you feel? 1.3367 0.04106 199 143 45 11
484 And now with climate change I am even more anxious. 1.3367 0.04044 199 142 47 10
485 I can't focus, doc. My thoughts keep swirling. 1.3367 0.04462 199 149 33 17
486 And then she told me I was too vanilla in the bedroom 1.3366 0.04581 205 157 27 21
487 I had another meltdown on sundae.. 1.3365 0.04322 208 155 36 17
488 Then he called me a softie 1.3364 0.03913 214 153 50 11
489 I love my wife, I just feel like I'm indulging her. 1.3353 0.04298 167 118 42 7
490 Am I crazy or is my head a goddam ice cream cone? 1.3353 0.04861 170 128 27 15
491 May I lick? It's all I ever hear!! 1.3353 0.04789 170 127 29 14
492 ... and then the mean kids started calling me Mister Softee. 1.3352 0.04262 179 128 42 9
493 Why does everyone assume I'm such a softy? 1.3352 0.04495 182 134 35 13
494 And then, on top of everything, she called me Mister Softee. 1.3351 0.04377 185 135 38 12
495 So my mother said "soften up," and here we are. 1.3351 0.04171 185 132 44 9
496 And everyone just says, keep a cool head 1.3351 0.04171 185 132 44 9
497 I still have trouble with emotion. Growing up, it was always, "Keep your cool, Harold. Don't lose your head". 1.3351 0.04218 191 138 42 11
498 My wife got tired of soft serve. 1.3351 0.04533 191 143 32 16
499 As a kid I tried to fight back, but I always got licked. 1.3351 0.04361 194 143 37 14
500 I'm terrified of meltdowns. 1.3350 0.04004 197 140 48 9
501 Well Mister Softee, sounds to me like a self-fulfilling prophecy. 1.3350 0.04825 197 154 20 23
502 Just seeing it, I scream, you scream, we all scream. 1.3350 0.03938 197 139 50 8
503 I love her so much, but she is lactose intolerant. 1.3350 0.04433 197 147 34 16
504 It’s hard for me to warm up to anyone. 1.3349 0.04208 212 157 39 16
505 Please don’t humor me… 1.3333 0.04509 177 130 35 12
506 When she asked me if I was 'non-dairy', I just froze." 1.3333 0.04804 189 146 23 20
507 My mama has pink sprinkles. My daddy has brown sprinkles. My brother has green sprinkles. And I have a swirl on top. I am afraid I am adopted. 1.3333 0.04512 192 144 32 16
508 She says I’m too vanilla.” 1.3333 0.04424 186 137 36 13
509 I always fall for the ones who are lactose intolerant 1.3333 0.04643 201 155 25 21
510 I’m actually lactose intolerant. 1.3333 0.04457 180 132 36 12
511 Here's the scoop. 1.3333 0.04175 198 144 42 12
512 The poop emoji has ruined my life… 1.3333 0.04735 183 139 27 17
513 Is brain freeze really a thing? 1.3333 0.04296 213 160 35 18
514 I can't take the heat 1.3333 0.04608 159 115 35 9
515 I think and then I scream 1.3333 0.04113 198 143 44 11
516 Everyone thinks I'm soft! 1.3317 0.03859 208 148 51 9
517 That's when my mom admitted that she'd been hoping for a cup. 1.3317 0.04460 202 153 31 18
518 I'm just tired of all the screaming. 1.3317 0.04096 199 144 44 11
519 It’s not going to be pretty if I have a meltdown 1.3316 0.04559 196 149 29 18
520 Well, it’s not Mr. Stiffy, is it? 1.3316 0.04324 196 145 37 14
521 I’ve only got about 6 minutes here, so let me do the talking… 1.3316 0.04370 193 143 36 14
522 Everyone is always screaming. Is it me?? 1.3316 0.04492 193 145 32 16
523 And then I wake up and I scream ... 1.3316 0.04225 190 138 41 11
524 Your drapes look like the pants my clients wear. 1.3316 0.04419 190 141 35 14
525 My wife says I give her a headache. 1.3316 0.04355 190 140 37 13
526 ...they are words but they never sing them. They just scream, they all scream... 1.3316 0.04664 190 145 27 18
527 I just feel licked. 1.3315 0.04627 178 133 31 14
528 Everyone says I'm a softee. 1.3315 0.03881 178 123 51 4
529 If it’s not nuts, it’s sprinkles, or dried fruit. Why can’t I be loved for who I am? 1.3314 0.04683 175 131 30 14
530 She said I was a sweet guy but the sex was just too vanilla. 1.3314 0.04683 175 131 30 14
531 If my dad didn't want me to turn out soft, he shouldn't have married a smoothie. 1.3301 0.04296 209 157 35 17
532 I just feel like I'm having a meltdown. 1.3300 0.04039 203 147 45 11
533 I say I'll change, she says I'll always be plain vanilla. 1.3300 0.04433 200 151 32 17
534 My father was a real soda jerk. 1.3300 0.04140 200 146 42 12
535 I’m worried about having a complete meltdown. 1.3299 0.03993 197 141 47 9
536 I just don't feel delicious . 1.3299 0.04305 197 146 37 14
537 They said my brains turned soft 1.3298 0.03903 188 132 50 6
538 But what if cooler heads actually DON'T prevail? 1.3298 0.04636 188 143 28 17
539 I never see her anymore.. I think she's on a diet 1.3297 0.04366 185 136 37 12
540 I try to be assertive but everyone thinks I'm Mr. Softee. 1.3297 0.04415 182 134 36 12
541 I can't get hard. 1.3296 0.04672 179 135 29 15
542 Maybe I'm too soft... 1.3295 0.04373 176 128 38 10
543 I'm not thin enough for yogurt. I'm not rich enough for ice cream. Where do I belong? 1.3295 0.04144 176 125 44 7
544 Everyone asks about my toppings, no one asks about my feelings. 1.3295 0.04446 176 129 36 11
545 I'm a tennis pro, but lately I can only make soft serves. Do you think it's all in my head, Doc? 1.3295 0.04788 173 131 27 15
546 Then she licked me but I’m just not into that. 1.3294 0.04703 170 127 30 13
547 No matter the therapeutic modality, I keep having meltdowns. 1.3284 0.04140 204 150 41 13
548 I just keep having these melt downs. 1.3284 0.04198 204 151 39 14
549 It's hard being so soft. 1.3282 0.04271 195 144 38 13
550 I'm just feeling licked. 1.3282 0.04081 195 141 44 10
551 Cold? Sure, but never, ever distant. 1.3281 0.04317 192 142 37 13
552 Vanilla ... the word alone says it all. 1.3281 0.04562 192 146 29 17
553 I identify as ice cream 1.3280 0.04478 186 139 33 14
554 They keep telling me I’ve gone soft… that I’m vanilla… 1.3279 0.04529 183 137 32 14
555 People say I'm cold 1.3277 0.04125 177 126 44 7
556 And then she said, “you’re just too vanilla.” 1.3276 0.04834 174 133 25 16
557 They call me ‘ Softie’ but I am still a man, damn it! 1.3275 0.04376 171 124 38 9
558 It's like all she cared about was my brain 1.3274 0.04507 168 123 35 10
559 Just once I’d like someone to call me Carl. 1.3268 0.05394 153 120 16 17
560 OK Mister Softee shall we begin with the erectile dysfunction issue? 1.3267 0.04395 202 153 32 17
561 My mother always told me I was a little soft in the head, but… I had no idea!! 1.3266 0.04443 199 151 31 17
562 I'm telling you. 'Plain Vanilla.' It hurts. 1.3265 0.04606 196 151 26 19
563 My wife ran off with a milkshake. 1.3264 0.04601 193 148 27 18
564 I ask you, doctor...what did she expect? For Chrissakes, my NAME is Mr. Softee... 1.3262 0.04392 187 139 35 13
565 I’m licked, Doc, just licked 1.3260 0.04493 181 135 33 13
566 My life just seems so vanilla 1.3260 0.04283 181 132 39 10
567 Sometimes I feel like I'm going to have a melt down. 1.3258 0.04615 178 134 30 14
568 Help me, I've got brain freeze! 1.3256 0.04729 172 130 28 14
569 I’m always worried about being dipped. 1.3256 0.04432 172 126 36 10
570 It's been a rocky road. 1.3252 0.04048 206 151 43 12
571 ….and then she said I was twisted. 1.3252 0.04836 163 123 27 13
572 I knew it was over when she said I was getting soft. 1.3251 0.04088 203 149 42 12
573 I had the sidewalk dream again. 1.3250 0.04820 160 120 28 12
574 I'm just a pushover. I mean, everyone calls me Mister Softee. 1.3250 0.04536 200 154 27 19
575 I swear I saw a talking tree wearing a necktie! 1.3250 0.05136 160 124 20 16
576 Give it to me straight, doc. Am I going soft? 1.3250 0.04482 160 116 36 8
577 ...and then she broke up with me! She said she was going dairy-free. 1.3247 0.04462 194 147 31 16
578 She screamed, then I screamed. 1.3247 0.04687 154 113 32 9
579 I've always kept a cool head. 1.3246 0.04195 191 140 40 11
580 Constant, constant headaches." 1.3245 0.04307 188 139 37 12
581 She said she's giving up sweets. 1.3242 0.04472 182 136 33 13
582 When was your last meltdown? 1.3242 0.04472 182 136 33 13
583 I’m thinking of getting sprinkles. 1.3240 0.04311 179 131 38 10
584 Sure, mom liked me, but she loved Sundae the most. 1.3237 0.04776 173 132 26 15
585 Every time I try to be intimate with my wife, she says she gets a headache. 1.3237 0.03840 173 120 50 3
586 I may seem cold, unwelcoming, heartless even, but I assure you I am a softy. 1.3235 0.04616 170 127 31 12
587 Doctor, I'm simply at a point in my career when a meltdown would be disastrous. 1.3234 0.04172 201 149 39 13
588 Whenever I see her, it's like my brain freezes. 1.3234 0.04750 167 126 28 13
589 But the sprinkles never come... . 1.3229 0.04177 192 141 40 11
590 I can't shake this brain freeze. 1.3228 0.04287 189 140 37 12
591 I just can’t seem to stop my thoughts from swirling. 1.3228 0.04352 189 141 35 13
592 Worst part? Brain freeze. 1.3226 0.04401 186 139 34 13
593 The genie was hard of hearing. I said fairy queen. 1.3224 0.05164 152 117 21 14
594 Please,call me Ted. My father was Mr. Softee. 1.3221 0.04881 149 111 28 10
595 I hate sprinkles 1.3220 0.04484 177 132 33 12
596 Rainbow sprinkles would be amazing, but I'm not sure how my parents would feel. 1.3220 0.04412 177 131 35 11
597 What's my problem? Doc, all my life I've suffered from brain freeze. 1.3218 0.04682 174 132 28 14
598 Up 'til now, my life has been very vanilla." 1.3218 0.04464 174 129 34 11
599 I can still hear the kids screaming. 1.3218 0.04752 174 133 26 15
600 Sometimes I feel like people use me for their own pleasure 1.3211 0.04397 190 143 33 14
601 I believe what we are dealing with here, is a Neapolitan Complex 1.3210 0.04687 162 121 30 11
602 I need to accept that I”ll never be parfait. 1.3200 0.03995 200 146 44 10
603 My wife thinks I'm cold. 1.3200 0.04214 175 127 40 8
604 Do you think I'm too much of a Softee? 1.3200 0.04515 175 131 32 12
605 Maybe if I'd had sprinkles... 1.3198 0.04494 172 128 33 11
606 Everyone seems to think they can lick me. 1.3198 0.04418 172 127 35 10
607 All my life I have found refuge in cold, dark places. 1.3195 0.04549 169 126 32 11
608 I don't know, this might all just be a simple head cold. 1.3193 0.04837 166 127 25 14
609 I’ve softened but it still hurts. 1.3191 0.03728 188 132 52 4
610 No matter how hard I try,I always get licked. 1.3191 0.04614 188 145 26 17
611 Maybe it's true. Maybe I am a big softie. 1.3190 0.04900 163 125 24 14
612 They say cooler heads prevail, but this isn’t working for me 1.3189 0.04063 185 134 43 8
613 I just don't think I can take another meltdown 1.3187 0.04391 182 136 34 12
614 It always ends the same. The little kid drops me on the sidewalk and the dog gets me. 1.3184 0.04224 179 131 39 9
615 'Mr. Softee' --my identity and the death of my dating life. 1.3184 0.04580 179 136 29 14
616 I’m very nervous about global warming 1.3184 0.04370 179 133 35 11
617 I had another meltdown last week. 1.3184 0.04224 179 131 39 9
618 I always try to keep a cool head. 1.3184 0.04279 201 152 34 15
619 Thank you for working on a sundae. 1.3182 0.04671 154 114 31 9
620 I just feel like I’m spiraling 1.3179 0.04058 195 143 42 10
621 I don't feel appreciated at work. Whenever I offer a suggestion, my ideas are immediately dismissed as being 'too vanilla' -- whatever that means. 1.3179 0.04319 173 127 37 9
622 Sometimes I feel I have 31 personalities. 1.3179 0.04620 173 131 29 13
623 I’m suing Rogaine. 1.3179 0.04547 173 130 31 12
624 I’m starting to feel that my meltdown was all in my head. 1.3179 0.04396 173 128 35 10
625 I'm nothing but empty calories. 1.3179 0.04639 151 111 32 8
626 Nothing I do seems to make a difference. Everyone says I’m so vanilla. 1.3176 0.04448 170 126 34 10
627 And the children! Oh my god, the running children. 1.3176 0.04985 148 112 25 11
628 Life’s got me licked 1.3175 0.04276 189 141 36 12
629 Sure,you think if I keep a cool head everything will be just fine! 1.3174 0.04659 167 126 29 12
630 I have no problem getting into relationships, but they never seem to last more than ten minutes. 1.3172 0.04962 145 109 26 10
631 No matter what I say or do, people always think that I’m soft in the head. 1.3171 0.04474 164 121 34 9
632 I can't seem to get hard. 1.3169 0.04439 183 138 32 13
633 I don’t know, doc, sometimes I just feel like I’m going soft. 1.3169 0.04370 183 137 34 12
634 They keep calling me soft in the head. 1.3169 0.04832 142 105 29 8
635 But I’m NOT a softie… 1.3168 0.04144 202 151 38 13
636 I still have difficulty keeping my cool. 1.3165 0.04315 158 114 38 6
637 I always seem to freeze up in social situations. 1.3164 0.04174 177 129 40 8
638 Whenever I meet a girl I melt. 1.3164 0.04174 177 129 40 8
639 I try to be a tough guy, but everyone says I'm a softee. 1.3163 0.04230 196 147 36 13
640 I keep having terrible headaches. 1.3163 0.04291 196 148 34 14
641 Nobody orders Dairy King. 1.3161 0.04669 174 133 27 14
642 I was a popular child. 1.3158 0.04348 171 126 36 9
643 I scream. You scream. We all scream for ice cream. And then I wake up. 1.3158 0.04798 152 114 28 10
644 When they said you are what you eat, I didn’t think it would get this far. 1.3158 0.04503 171 128 32 11
645 She said I was too vanilla. I mean... hello... 1.3155 0.04498 187 143 29 15
646 I think I am just having a hard time with the end of summer meltdown. 1.3155 0.04369 187 141 33 13
647 They say I'm twisted. 1.3155 0.03973 168 119 45 4
648 Doctor, I feel like I'm having a meltdown. 1.3152 0.04281 184 137 36 11
649 When I go outdoors I feel like I'm having a meltdown 1.3149 0.04035 181 131 43 7
650 I feel like I’m on the verge of a meltdown. 1.3146 0.04230 178 131 38 9
651 The cowlick is the least of my problems. 1.3145 0.04648 159 119 30 10
652 My mother was very sweet -- and yet there was an underlying coldness. 1.3143 0.04574 175 133 29 13
653 Don't know why but my head keeps spinning. 1.3141 0.04530 156 115 33 8
654 For some reason I scream at everyone. 1.3141 0.04796 156 118 27 11
655 So that’s my inside scoop. 1.3137 0.04587 153 113 32 8
656 But it's like, what do I scream for? 1.3136 0.04762 169 130 25 14
657 I scream when I see what I've become. 1.3136 0.04534 169 127 31 11
658 From now on, no more Mr Softie! 1.3135 0.04330 185 139 34 12
659 I’m having nightmares about global warming 1.3135 0.04192 185 137 38 10
660 From the beginning they promised me a cherry on top. 1.3133 0.04510 166 124 32 10
661 Deep inside I feel conely. 1.3132 0.04447 182 138 31 13
662 What’s so wrong with being vanilla? 1.3130 0.05207 131 99 23 9
663 I scream. You scream. We all scream. And that's why I can't sleep at night. 1.3129 0.04904 147 111 26 10
664 I feel like I'm constantly on the verge of a melting down. 1.3129 0.04808 147 110 28 9
665 I just feel stuck, like I’m frozen 1.3129 0.04648 163 123 29 11
666 I feel like I have permanent brain freeze. 1.3128 0.04357 179 134 34 11
667 It's hard to get dates when your name is Mister Softee. 1.3128 0.04770 179 140 22 17
668 Doc, I think I’m too much of a softie. 1.3128 0.04174 195 146 37 12
669 Sometimes I wish it would all just melt away. 1.3125 0.04480 176 133 31 12
670 I just want people to lick me. 1.3121 0.04458 173 130 32 11
671 I don't know doc, the thoughts in my head are just so cold and twisted. 1.3121 0.04683 157 118 29 10
672 People think I'm Mr Softee but inside I feel like Rocky Road 1.3118 0.04310 186 140 34 12
673 People are out to get me. 1.3118 0.04354 170 126 35 9
674 I’m so tired of telling people, “Hey! My eyes are down here!” 1.3118 0.04434 170 127 33 10
675 I just can't handle all the screaming for me. 1.3118 0.04354 170 126 35 9
676 I’m really trying to lick this thing. 1.3117 0.04562 154 114 32 8
677 She wanted to try new things in the bedroom. I said, "I can't help it if I'm vanilla." 1.3113 0.04989 151 116 23 12
678 We’ll start licking, then she always gets a headache. 1.3111 0.04477 180 137 30 13
679 All of a sudden, she's lactose-intolerant.” 1.3111 0.04477 180 137 30 13
680 I just feel like I'm getting soft. 1.3110 0.04542 164 123 31 10
681 I can't control my meltdowns most summer days. 1.3110 0.04459 164 122 33 9
682 She said she prefers chocolate. 1.3110 0.04459 164 122 33 9
683 My mother? I loved my mother! She was a dairy queen! 1.3109 0.04627 193 152 22 19
684 I just feel like I’ve been licked. 1.3107 0.04160 177 130 39 8
685 I think I'm self-intolerant. 1.3106 0.04247 161 117 38 6
686 I know they say cooler heads prevail, but sometimes I just have a meltdown. 1.3106 0.04764 161 123 26 12
687 I’m dipping into despair… there’s not a sprinkle of hope. 1.3103 0.04361 174 130 34 10
688 Sometimes I worry that I’m just a big softee 1.3103 0.04284 174 129 36 9
689 I'm transitioning to Dairy King 1.3101 0.04481 158 117 33 8
690 Doc, you gotta help me..kids follow me wherever I go 1.3099 0.04713 171 132 25 14
691 Every woman I've dated says I'm cold. 1.3099 0.04489 171 129 31 11
692 I feel like you're twisting everything I say. 1.3099 0.04707 142 105 30 7
693 My mother? She was the Dairy Queen, and I loved her. 1.3098 0.04405 184 140 31 13
694 I can’t sleep. I’m obsessed with climate change. 1.3097 0.04806 155 118 26 11
695 And then I walked in on her spooning the gelato. 1.3097 0.04628 155 116 30 9
696 She sees someone else for a proper meal and only comes to me for dessert. 1.3097 0.04806 155 118 26 11
697 She told me I was too soft. 1.3095 0.04218 168 123 38 7
698 Sprinkles! You had to bring up sprinkles. 1.3094 0.04455 181 138 30 13
699 I was flavor of the month and then nothing... 1.3091 0.04757 165 127 25 13
700 Doctor, my head is swirling 1.3090 0.04364 178 134 33 11
701 ‘Mister’ does help, but ‘Softee’ is so emasculating. 1.3090 0.04436 178 135 31 12
702 I dreamt my Mother was a cow. 1.3089 0.03741 191 137 49 5
703 I’ve even tried rainbow sprinkles to bring back some zest into my vanilla life 1.3087 0.04140 149 106 40 3
704 This anxiety always kicks in as we approach Summer. 1.3086 0.04403 162 120 34 8
705 My wife left me for a Nutty Buddy! 1.3081 0.04466 172 130 31 11
706 Sure, I'm cold...but I'm not cool! 1.3077 0.04512 156 116 32 8
707 Heavy hangs the head that wears the cone! 1.3077 0.04748 169 131 24 14
708 I have frequent meltdowns. 1.3077 0.04162 195 147 36 12
709 I'm tired of being called Mr. Softee. 1.3068 0.04165 176 130 38 8
710 Of Course my kids love it 1.3067 0.04293 163 120 36 7
711 My wife says I’m a softy. 1.3067 0.04632 163 124 28 11
712 Maybe it’s all in my head, but everyone just seems lactose intolerant these days. 1.3067 0.04632 163 124 28 11
713 Sometimes it’s hard being soft 1.3065 0.04040 199 149 39 11
714 31 flavors, and I still couldn’t satisfy. 1.3064 0.04048 173 126 41 6
715 No one screams for ice cream any more. When did being soft serve get so hard? 1.3062 0.04433 160 119 33 8
716 It’s a horrifying recurring dream, Doc.. I scream, then you scream, we ALL scream… 1.3062 0.04691 160 122 27 11
717 The screaming’s a bit much. 1.3062 0.04343 160 118 35 7
718 Sometimes, it feels like my mind is just melting away. 1.3060 0.04547 183 142 26 15
719 Everyone says,"yeah, I've had brain-freeze," but they just don't get it. 1.3059 0.04573 170 130 28 12
720 The brain freeze is one thing, but the constant licking from complete strangers is just too much at this point. 1.3057 0.04922 157 122 22 13
721 Viagra didn't work, either. 1.3056 0.04394 180 137 31 12
722 This motherfucker. 1.3054 0.04783 167 130 23 14
723 Honestly, there are days when all I can think about are sprinkles. 1.3054 0.04630 167 128 27 12
724 I wish people would stop assuming I'm vanilla based on how I look! 1.3054 0.04222 167 123 37 7
725 She left me for Mr. Hardie 1.3054 0.04222 167 123 37 7
726 Whenever I think of it, I scream. 1.3052 0.04450 154 114 33 7
727 I feel like I'm about to have a meltdown. 1.3052 0.04637 154 116 29 9
728 Everyone treats me as if I'm just plain-vanilla. 1.3052 0.04727 154 117 27 10
729 Damn kids won’t leave me alone 1.3052 0.04637 154 116 29 9
730 Since Labor Day. 1.3051 0.04516 177 136 28 13
731 I'm always scared I'm having a meltdown. 1.3051 0.04371 177 134 32 11
732 Egghead I could deal with ... but this?! 1.3050 0.05027 141 108 23 10
733 Nobody ever screams for me." 1.3046 0.04972 151 117 22 12
734 Thanks for keeping it cool in here. 1.3046 0.04110 174 128 39 7
735 I think people like me only because I'm such a softie 1.3046 0.04190 174 129 37 8
736 People constantly mistake me for Matt Gaetz. 1.3043 0.04830 161 125 23 13
737 Seagulls. Because you never see them coming. 1.3043 0.04410 161 120 33 8
738 Sometimes I feel I'm just a people pleaser. 1.3043 0.04184 184 138 36 10
739 She only wants to lick me. 1.3043 0.04410 161 120 33 8
740 At first I thought I was just coming down with a head cold. 1.3041 0.04474 171 130 30 11
741 I don't know. I keep getting these severe headaches out of the blue. 1.3041 0.04396 171 129 32 10
742 Everybody likes me, but I’m not good for them. 1.3041 0.04550 171 131 28 12
743 So, Mr. Softee just doesn't work on the dating sites. 1.3036 0.04528 168 128 29 11
744 Everyone says vanilla like it’s a bad thing. 1.3036 0.04528 168 128 29 11
745 I keep having this dream that I want to dip my head in chocolate. 1.3034 0.04827 145 110 26 9
746 My relationships have never lasted long. 1.3034 0.04422 178 136 30 12
747 My mother? She was twisted and cold. 1.3034 0.04633 178 139 24 15
748 True!!! She's such a Dairy Queen !!! 1.3034 0.04494 178 137 28 13
749 This brain freeze thing is driving me crazy! 1.3034 0.04276 178 134 34 10
750 It makes me feel like I’m living with constant brain freeze. 1.3030 0.04335 165 123 34 8
751 My wife is frigid. 1.3029 0.04325 175 132 33 10
752 ...and people think it's OK to just lick my head! 1.3027 0.04371 185 142 30 13
753 Sure, Conehead and Dairy Queen hurt. But, they called me Milli Vanilli. 1.3027 0.04504 185 144 26 15
754 Tongues. Everywhere I go, all I see is tongues. 1.3025 0.04883 162 127 21 14
755 I feel like a pushover -- always Mr. Softie. 1.3023 0.04602 172 133 26 13
756 I know it’s all in my head. But I feel that my whole life is like …. vanilla. 1.3022 0.04281 182 138 33 11
757 Sometimes it feels like the whole world is lactose intolerant. 1.3020 0.04637 149 112 29 8
758 Every Spring I feel like I’m headed for a melt-down! 1.3019 0.04701 159 122 26 11
759 Doc, my wife's frigid! 1.3019 0.04615 159 121 28 10
760 Global warming really has me worried... 1.3018 0.04426 169 128 31 10
761 It’s like a brain freeze, only worse. 1.3018 0.04658 169 131 25 13
762 . . . but all along I knew, inside me, that I was really a Dairy King! 1.3017 0.04677 179 141 22 16
763 It’s the kids… They’re eating me alive. 1.3015 0.05455 136 108 15 13
764 I feel like such a loser. I get licked no matter what I do. 1.3013 0.04585 156 118 29 9
765 I just feel I’m licked 1.3013 0.04585 156 118 29 9
766 Everywhere I go, I get a frosty reception. 1.3012 0.04051 166 121 40 5
767 He screams, she screams, they ALL scream at me! 1.3012 0.04717 166 129 24 13
768 What does she expect? They call it soft serve for a reason! 1.3011 0.04303 176 133 33 10
769 My friends call me 'scoop' " 1.3007 0.04552 143 106 31 6
770 Ever had a brain freeze, doc? 1.3006 0.04363 163 122 33 8
771 Sometimes I just feel completely licked. 1.3006 0.04504 173 133 28 12
772 The worst part is the constant brain freeze. 1.3005 0.04302 193 149 30 14
773 You try going through high school with a name like Mister Softee 1.3000 0.04504 160 121 30 9
774 A lot of people say I come off as cold . . . 1.3000 0.04590 160 122 28 10
775 Do you think it's the dairy? 1.3000 0.04612 140 104 30 6
776 Is long brain freeze in the DSM? 1.3000 0.04610 150 113 29 8
777 I CANT LICK IT 1.3000 0.05139 140 109 20 11
778 And then there are the headaches. 1.2994 0.04455 167 127 30 10
779 I really just can’t take my licks. 1.2994 0.04470 157 118 31 8
780 I swear it's brain freeze Doc 1.2988 0.04672 164 127 25 12
781 I have a constant head cold. 1.2987 0.04526 154 116 30 8
782 Mr. Softee." "Mr. Softee." I was in Nam for Chrissakes 1.2987 0.04710 154 118 26 10
783 I don’t think you understand meltdowns like I do” 1.2987 0.04619 154 117 28 9
784 Some days, I want to top myself. 1.2987 0.04235 154 113 36 5
785 Yes I'm popular, but I know I'm fake. 1.2986 0.04525 144 107 31 6
786 I know when I'm licked. 1.2981 0.04479 161 122 30 9
787 Let’s just say that the name doesn’t exactly help with the ladies, if you know what I mean. 1.2980 0.04584 151 114 29 8
788 I never carry enough napkins... 1.2979 0.04800 141 107 26 8
789 Women aren’t interested, they say I’m vanilla. 1.2975 0.04710 158 122 25 11
790 I have this recurring nightmare about shopping for a hat. 1.2975 0.04794 158 123 23 12
791 I'm trying to not be such a softie, but it's just who I am. 1.2973 0.04544 148 111 30 7
792 Why do they all scream at me? 1.2973 0.04838 148 114 24 10
793 Well I’ll eat my hat. 1.2973 0.04337 148 109 34 5
794 She told me she can't love a man without sprinkles. 1.2973 0.04644 148 112 28 8
795 When I saw her, I just froze. 1.2973 0.04644 148 112 28 8
796 I have so many questions swirling in my head! 1.2970 0.04567 165 127 27 11
797 It’s your perspective that could change, they’re screaming for you, not at you. 1.2970 0.04486 165 126 29 10
798 Women say I make them fat, Doc. 1.2968 0.04859 155 121 22 12
799 Eyes open or closed, I’m haunted by an incessant, insistent, melody. 1.2966 0.04603 145 109 29 7
800 I feel like I'm licked and I'm about to melt down. 1.2966 0.04498 145 108 31 6
801 I can't get the jingle out of my head. 1.2963 0.04369 162 122 32 8
802 You can't imagine how embarrassing it is to be the Dairy Queen's consort. 1.2963 0.05159 135 105 20 10
803 Why is it that no matter what I do I get licked. 1.2963 0.04624 162 125 26 11
804 They lied, cooler heads do not prevail. 1.2961 0.04461 152 114 31 7
805 My father was the Good Humor man. 1.2961 0.05099 152 121 17 14
806 It's like I have a brain freeze. 1.2961 0.04461 152 114 31 7
807 I would really like to work through my anxiety. Whenever I’m in social settings, I just freeze. 1.2959 0.04489 169 130 28 11
808 Well… Word got out, and now everybody keeps calling me Mister Softee. 1.2959 0.04078 169 125 38 6
809 Yea, I had a severe meltdown the other day. It was a sticky situation. 1.2958 0.04875 142 109 24 9
810 Doctor I can’t explain it, but I feel like I always have brain freeze. 1.2956 0.04851 159 125 21 13
811 Am I too soft, doctor? 1.2956 0.04330 159 119 33 7
812 I also never last very long. 1.2956 0.04598 159 122 27 10
813 Am I afraid of intimacy? People are licking me. 1.2956 0.04598 159 122 27 10
814 First things first, can you turn the AC way down? 1.2955 0.04288 176 134 32 10
815 People keep telling me I'm soft in the head. 1.2953 0.04518 149 112 30 7
816 I’m feeling licked. 1.2953 0.04714 149 114 26 9
817 My wife says I’m cold but I’m really a big softie. 1.2953 0.04416 149 111 32 6
818 It’s like I’m melting 1.2953 0.04617 149 113 28 8
819 I guess I should be grateful. I made it through the summer without a meltdown 1.2953 0.04518 149 112 30 7
820 and then she wanted to dip me in warm chocolate” 1.2953 0.04312 149 110 34 5
821 From now on, I want you to call me Loretta. 1.2952 0.04032 166 122 39 5
822 I'm finding it hard to keep a cool head these days doc. 1.2949 0.04745 156 121 24 11
823 Mother could be downright frosty at times. 1.2945 0.04778 146 112 25 9
824 The problem is--I think I've gone soft. 1.2945 0.04576 146 110 29 7
825 My wife called me a dip. 1.2945 0.04472 146 109 31 6
826 It’s been a rocky road, doc. A rocky road. 1.2945 0.04576 146 110 29 7
827 I have this fear of being licked. 1.2945 0.04517 163 125 28 10
828 Yes, the sex is rather vanilla. 1.2941 0.04238 153 113 35 5
829 Everyone knows I'm a big softie. 1.2941 0.04626 153 117 27 9
830 I dunno Doc, sometimes I feel like I just can’t lick this thing 1.2941 0.04338 153 114 33 6
831 I love her too, but why will she only see me on her cheat days? 1.2941 0.05018 136 105 22 9
832 I start a sentence, then... 1.2938 0.04114 177 133 36 8
833 I scream a lot! 1.2937 0.04486 160 122 29 9
834 I want to date someone who's really hot! But for some reason I feel threatened. 1.2937 0.04741 160 125 23 12
835 Doc, do you think I am suffering from an Edible Complex 1.2937 0.04658 160 124 25 11
836 My parents weren't planning to have any.. I was an unexpected twist. 1.2937 0.04215 160 119 35 6
837 As a reporter I naturally told the genie that I wanted a scoop. 1.2937 0.04845 143 110 24 9
838 I was bullied as a child, but I learned to take a licking. 1.2937 0.04742 143 109 26 8
839 I feel the weight of the whirled on my shoulders 1.2937 0.04845 143 110 24 9
840 My mother was distant, and my father was so… cold. 1.2937 0.04420 143 106 32 5
841 Can you help me lick this?! 1.2934 0.04357 167 127 31 9
842 I am so embarrassed, but I can’t get hard anymore! 1.2933 0.04492 150 113 30 7
843 I had to admit to her I'm nonbinary not non dairy. 1.2933 0.04590 150 114 28 8
844 And then suddenly...my brain just freezes! 1.2931 0.04391 174 134 29 11
845 Can you believe it? My tennis coach told me I have a soft serve! 1.2930 0.04451 157 119 30 8
846 And then they started calling me a Dairy Queen!! 1.2930 0.04451 157 119 30 8
847 I just can't stop hearing it doc... the music's always there... 1.2930 0.04542 157 120 28 9
848 I mean, what even IS a conehead? 1.2930 0.04888 157 124 20 13
849 Sorry about the meltdown last time. 1.2929 0.04914 140 108 23 9
850 Yes, it's true, I am a Dairy Queen. 1.2929 0.05018 140 109 21 10
851 Let’s keep this session short before I have a meltdown. 1.2929 0.04700 140 106 27 7
852 I feel like I'm being followed. 1.2927 0.05128 123 94 22 7
853 I feel dispensable. 1.2927 0.04814 164 130 20 14
854 I want to tell you all my problems but first, can you turn up your air conditioning 1.2927 0.04408 164 125 30 9
855 I'm afraid you have a rare entity called Breyer's remorse. 1.2925 0.04942 147 115 21 11
856 Mother never hid the fact that she'd have preferred a sugar cone. 1.2925 0.05127 147 117 17 13
857 And my wife has been giving me the warm shoulder lately too. 1.2925 0.04340 147 109 33 5
858 My mother wouldn’t let me have sprinkles when I was a child. 1.2924 0.04669 171 135 22 14
859 I’m not a softie! 1.2923 0.04938 130 99 24 7
860 I feel like more and more people are becoming intolerant of me. 1.2922 0.04600 154 118 27 9
861 Every time she kisses me she claims to get a headache. 1.2920 0.04986 137 106 22 9
862 Doc, you've gotta help me lick this thing. 1.2920 0.04877 137 105 24 8
863 They say I'm soft in the head. 1.2919 0.04462 161 123 29 9
864 Sometimes I just feel like all the good things are melting away". 1.2917 0.04251 168 127 33 8
865 I was just a summer fling. 1.2914 0.04294 175 134 31 10
866 And then she said I was frigid. 1.2914 0.04466 151 114 30 7
867 I feel licked, doc. 1.2911 0.04427 158 120 30 8
868 Nobody loves me! Everyone prefers chocolate! 1.2911 0.04605 158 122 26 10
869 Just trying to make it to Sundae, doc. 1.2910 0.05061 134 104 21 9
870 I'm not even real vanilla. 1.2909 0.04213 165 124 34 7
871 So how long can a brain freeze last? 1.2909 0.04469 165 127 28 10
872 Doc, the problem is everyone thinks I'm a softee. 1.2909 0.04710 165 130 22 13
873 People keep asking if I'm related to the Coneheads. 1.2908 0.04449 141 105 31 5
874 ….and don’t even get me started about the brain freeze…. 1.2905 0.05186 148 119 15 14
875 I think it’s vanilla guilt. 1.2905 0.04096 148 108 37 3
876 I had the nightmare about the hair dryer again. 1.2903 0.05092 124 95 22 7
877 I don't understand it doctor, people take me for a softie. 1.2903 0.04256 186 144 30 12
878 People find me cold, but I'm really a softy. 1.2903 0.04290 155 116 33 6
879 Doc, I feel I’m on the verge of a meltdown. 1.2903 0.04841 155 122 21 12
880 My mother was always so cold… 1.2903 0.04481 155 118 29 8
881 Life seems so vanilla. 1.2901 0.04350 162 123 31 8
882 The horrible dream I had was that my barber used the blow dryer! 1.2901 0.04523 162 125 27 10
883 No I can't help brain freeze 1.2901 0.04438 162 124 29 9
884 It all started when I realized that, everyone screaming, was because of me. 1.2901 0.04261 162 122 33 7
885 My mother? She was a dairy queen. 1.2901 0.04771 162 128 21 13
886 Well, I've been having these headaches... 1.2899 0.04312 169 129 31 9
887 If enough people tell you you're cool-headed, you begin to believe it. 1.2899 0.04230 169 128 33 8
888 Same time next Sundae? 1.2899 0.05060 138 108 20 10
889 My attacks start with a tune that keeps repeating over and over and over and over, until finally, I get a brain freeze. 1.2897 0.04685 145 111 26 8
890 You know, sometimes I just wish my problems would melt away 1.2897 0.04786 145 112 24 9
891 Sorry I creamed on your couch. 1.2897 0.04476 145 109 30 6
892 My partner asked me last week if I came in any other flavors. 1.2897 0.04885 145 113 22 10
893 Why do you keep asking "what's eating you?" 1.2896 0.04440 183 144 25 14
894 and then we all screamed! 1.2895 0.04726 152 118 24 10
895 Can you help me? I’m about to have another meltdown. 1.2893 0.04492 159 122 28 9
896 I just can’t get past this nagging notion that I’m perceived as such a drip! 1.2893 0.04403 159 121 30 8
897 I can’t shake this head cold either. 1.2893 0.04403 159 121 30 8
898 I think your carpet is staring at me 1.2891 0.04979 128 98 23 7
899 Women treat me like the flavor of the month. 1.2887 0.04534 142 107 29 6
900 Just once I would like to be called "Mr. Tough Guy" 1.2886 0.04883 149 117 21 11
901 Some days I just don't feel that enthusiastic about sprinkles. 1.2886 0.04694 149 115 25 9
902 When I see her I just melt. Sigh. 1.2886 0.04395 149 112 31 6
903 Sometimes I just freeze up. 1.2886 0.04395 149 112 31 6
904 I can still remember him licking me 1.2885 0.04638 156 121 25 10
905 The wife and kids think I'm an old softie. 1.2885 0.04727 156 122 23 11
906 I gotta tell you, if you don't lower the temperature in here, we'll both be sorry! 1.2883 0.04499 163 126 27 10
907 Why do I always melt under pressure? 1.2882 0.04290 170 130 31 9
908 Everything just swirls in my head, doctor. 1.2882 0.04290 170 130 31 9
909 You have any idea what it's like to go into a pharmacy to pick up Viagra and tell them my name is Mr. Softee? Then I come over here for, I guess, advice from a guy who thought it was a good idea to buy an area rug that looks like a fried egg. 1.2878 0.05330 139 112 14 13
910 Why do I feel like a queen? 1.2878 0.04706 139 106 26 7
911 I’m trying to be more chill. 1.2878 0.04816 139 107 24 8
912 Brain freeze really is an occupational hazard 1.2877 0.04657 146 112 26 8
913 Usually, people come to me when they’re depressed. 1.2877 0.04856 146 114 22 10
914 Then, she said, "I need excitement! You're just too plain vanilla." 1.2876 0.04512 153 117 28 8
915 I’m having another meltdown. 1.2876 0.04512 153 117 28 8
916 So, how long have you had this “brain freeze” 1.2875 0.04468 160 123 28 9
917 My entire life has been vanilla 1.2875 0.04003 160 118 38 4
918 It’s like I have a perpetual brain freeze 1.2875 0.04195 160 120 34 6
919 Is it hot in here? 1.2869 0.05004 122 93 23 6
920 My wife said I have a twisted mind. " 1.2868 0.04772 136 104 25 7
921 The music-- it NEVER stops. 1.2867 0.04615 143 109 27 7
922 This music keeps playing in my head 1.2867 0.04762 150 117 23 10
923 I cannot remember a time when I didn't have this irrational fear of tongues. 1.2867 0.04855 150 118 21 11
924 Honestly, I thought that the doctor was going to do a hair transplant. I just told him that I wanted to look cool. 1.2867 0.04667 150 116 25 9
925 I just feel I'm predisposed to meltdowns. 1.2867 0.04762 150 117 23 10
926 I tried hobbies--tennis, but my serve was too soft. 1.2867 0.05036 150 120 17 13
927 Doc, in five minutes, your couch will be a mess. Let's skip the mommy issues and fast forward to my vanilla personality. 1.2867 0.04855 150 118 21 11
928 Soft Serve is a strength 1.2867 0.04471 150 114 29 7
929 It's like I've got permanent brain-freeze 1.2866 0.04612 157 122 25 10
930 I am tired of everyone assuming I am a softie. 1.2866 0.04612 157 122 25 10
931 And then she said our sex life was... vanilla! 1.2866 0.04871 157 125 19 13
932 It's not easy to be a softie... 1.2857 0.04452 140 105 30 5
933 I’m in a love-hate relationship with sunmer! 1.2857 0.04193 154 115 34 5
934 My wife has become lactose intolerant towards me and I'm barely allowed near the grandkids because of my refined sugars. How do I change and still be me? 1.2857 0.04345 133 98 32 3
935 I’m always taking a licking. 1.2857 0.04530 161 125 26 10
936 My parents were very cold. 1.2857 0.04530 161 125 26 10
937 My mother raised a softee. 1.2857 0.04317 147 110 32 5
938 Your problem isn’t your backhand. It’s your soft serve. 1.2857 0.04996 140 110 20 10
939 My thoughts are always swirling around and around. 1.2857 0.04528 147 112 28 7
940 There’s bravery in being soft. 1.2857 0.03986 154 113 38 3
941 ... and then my wife said it's not enough... she needs sprinkles. 1.2848 0.04614 165 130 23 12
942 Now she's saying sprinkles would make me look more interesting and edgy. 1.2848 0.04587 158 123 25 10
943 I don't know where to start... I've just got so many thoughts swirling in my head! 1.2848 0.04345 151 114 31 6
944 Everytime I have to face myself in the mirror, Ice cream 1.2848 0.04734 151 118 23 10
945 I feel like I'm going soft in the head. 1.2847 0.04794 144 112 23 9
946 You never get over a swirly. 1.2847 0.04993 144 114 19 11
947 People marvel at how I can keep a cool head in every situation 1.2847 0.04894 144 113 21 10
948 I can't even manage to be real ice cream 1.2846 0.04534 130 97 29 4
949 Thanks for closing the curtains. 1.2846 0.05032 130 101 21 8
950 In the summer, I’m Mr. Frosty. But who is Mr. Frosty in the fall? 1.2846 0.04912 130 100 23 7
951 I feel whipped. 1.2846 0.04692 123 92 27 4
952 All these thoughts keep swirling around my head 1.2846 0.04968 123 94 23 6
953 Sprinkles? Don't get me started. 1.2839 0.04735 155 122 22 11
954 I just can’t decide if I should move to Antarctica. 1.2839 0.04735 155 122 22 11
955 She told me she needed someone who was more artisanal. 1.2839 0.04645 155 121 24 10
956 I fell in love with a woman who is lactose intolerant. 1.2838 0.04701 148 115 24 9
957 You’re right, Doctor, I guess I’ve always been a softy. 1.2838 0.04602 148 114 26 8
958 I thought the first date was going so well until she told me she was lactose intolerant. 1.2838 0.04398 148 112 30 6
959 Define “lick” 1.2838 0.04701 148 115 24 9
960 And my cholesterol is through the roof 1.2838 0.04602 148 114 26 8
961 Everyone's saying that I've been acting super cold lately. 1.2838 0.04398 148 112 30 6
962 Transitioning to Dairy King has not been smooth. 1.2837 0.04756 141 109 24 8
963 Doc, I feel tired of being licked! 1.2837 0.04648 141 108 26 7
964 For the last time 'cooler heads will prevail' is not helpful advice. 1.2835 0.04987 127 98 22 7
965 I started dating Hot Fudge a year ago. But we only get together on Sundays. 1.2833 0.05447 120 95 16 9
966 Nobody takes me seriously when I say "That's MISTER Softee to you." 1.2832 0.04225 173 133 31 9
967 Maybe, this whole time, I'm the one who's been intolerant. 1.2830 0.04816 159 127 19 13
968 My wife says I’m frigid. 1.2830 0.04473 159 123 27 9
969 I admit it. I hate to loose a fight. But I sort of enjoy taking a licking. 1.2829 0.04517 152 117 27 8
970 Winters are very lonely for me. 1.2829 0.04113 152 113 35 4
971 Cup or cone….Why does it all feel so binary? 1.2829 0.04320 152 115 31 6
972 I'm just tired of being licked 1.2828 0.04765 145 113 23 9
973 People think I’m too cold when I only try to be sweet. 1.2828 0.04233 145 108 33 4
974 The weird thing is I keep hearing that same tune over and over in my head. 1.2828 0.04864 145 114 21 10
975 Even the blue pills don't help. 1.2824 0.04758 131 100 25 6
976 ....its only happened one time, but she wont stop calling me "Soft Serve". 1.2824 0.04758 131 100 25 6
977 I feel a meltdown coming on. 1.2822 0.04309 163 125 30 8
978 People always stick out their Tongue at me…how about a Hello? Thanks you! 1.2819 0.04956 149 119 18 12
979 Then she called me a snow cone! 1.2819 0.04475 149 114 28 7
980 Maybe it's just a head cold".. 1.2817 0.05132 142 114 16 12
981 I am always worried about getting dipped 1.2815 0.04778 135 104 24 7
982 The screaming, all the screaming. I just can't handle it anymore. 1.2815 0.04661 135 103 26 6
983 I'm a soft serve guy in a hard serve world. 1.2812 0.04870 160 129 17 14
984 So, you’re telling me that I’m not twisted? 1.2812 0.04080 160 120 35 5
985 Stop me before I go right to her thighs. 1.2812 0.05427 128 103 14 11
986 I just can't get climate change out of my head! 1.2810 0.04491 153 118 27 8
987 I’m afraid I’m frigid… 1.2810 0.04586 153 119 25 9
988 I don’t know, doc. I just feel licked! 1.2810 0.04770 153 121 21 11
989 I'm thinking of topping myself 1.2810 0.04586 153 119 25 9
990 I fear I may be having another meltdown 1.2810 0.04586 153 119 25 9
991 So you see doc, there’s this jingle in my head…. 1.2808 0.04427 146 111 29 6
992 Guess I'm just a big Softee... 1.2806 0.04570 139 106 27 6
993 Then I screamed, and they screamed, and well -- the rest is history. 1.2806 0.04793 139 108 23 8
994 Just once I wish someone would call me Mr. Hard Ass… 1.2806 0.04336 139 104 31 4
995 Doc, I feel like I am having a major meltdown. 1.2803 0.04726 132 101 25 6
996 The looks, I can handle. It’s all the screaming… 1.2803 0.04475 132 99 29 4
997 My ex wanted sprinkles. 1.2800 0.04741 150 118 22 10
998 Why do they all scream, scream at me? 1.2800 0.05029 125 97 21 7
999 On Fridays I can wear a cone. 1.2797 0.04483 143 109 28 6
1000 “My wife complains that I’m too vanilla.” 1.2797 0.04592 143 110 26 7
1001 I really am trying to be more assertive, doctor, but everyone says I am a hopeless softie. 1.2794 0.04631 136 104 26 6
1002 Everyone I know tells me I'm cold. 1.2792 0.04272 154 117 31 6
1003 The money and recognition are nice and all, but sometimes I just want to be plain old '"Larry" again. 1.2792 0.04560 154 120 25 9
1004 She loves to lick my head up here and not down where all the good stuff is…. and it weirdly turns me on, is that normal? 1.2792 0.04742 154 122 21 11
1005 Is global warming truly an existential threat, or am I'm just going soft in the head? 1.2791 0.04794 129 99 24 6
1006 But everyone said it would be easy to find my Dairy Queen! 1.2791 0.05041 129 101 20 8
1007 Then I wake up and the sprinkles are gone., 1.2791 0.04666 129 98 26 5
1008 Since I lost my sprinkles, life is just plain vanilla. 1.2789 0.04294 147 111 31 5
1009 So, Doc, everything I share is in the cone of silence, right? 1.2789 0.04401 147 112 29 6
1010 For me, sex has always been vanilla. 1.2789 0.04806 147 116 21 10
1011 I think it all started when I learned my real father was a 30-quart soft serve machine. 1.2789 0.04608 147 114 25 8
1012 In the dream, I am screaming, then you start screaming, then we all start screaming, but I can't remember why. 1.2787 0.05492 122 98 14 10
1013 I've always been a people pleaser. 1.2787 0.05109 122 95 20 7
1014 You don't really know the first thing about brain freeze, do you? 1.2786 0.04974 140 111 19 10
1015 You see Doctor, I keep having this recurring fantasy where I’m all covered in chocolate 1.2786 0.04762 140 109 23 8
1016 That rug is not helping! 1.2782 0.04932 133 104 21 8
1017 Everyone screams when they see me. 1.2782 0.04695 133 102 25 6
1018 Be quick, I'm afraid I'm going to have a melt down! 1.2781 0.04522 151 117 26 8
1019 Unfortunately, it’s not my first meltdown. 1.2778 0.05362 126 101 15 10
1020 I feel like people only want me as a summer fling or at their lowest point. 1.2778 0.05119 126 99 19 8
1021 And then the toppings - people just throw them on me. 1.2778 0.04654 162 129 21 12
1022 Help Doc, my wife and I have such a frosty relationship. 1.2778 0.03864 180 136 38 6
1023 My desire is to be liked by others, but autocorrect spelled it "licked." 1.2774 0.05047 137 109 18 10
1024 My anxiety is simple: I am melting. 1.2770 0.04580 148 115 25 8
1025 My tennis coach keeps telling me I have a soft serve. 1.2770 0.04777 148 117 21 10
1026 You've heard of the whole cold immersion thing, right? 1.2770 0.04680 148 116 23 9
1027 I tried keeping a cool head, but I keep having those awful meltdowns. 1.2770 0.04479 148 114 27 7
1028 So here's the twist. 1.2769 0.04762 130 100 24 6
1029 The transition to Dairy King has been difficult. 1.2768 0.04294 177 139 27 11
1030 I just feel so programmed and downright ordinary. Sometimes I dream of doing the outrageous, maybe even plunging my head into a vat of molten chocolate. 1.2767 0.04177 159 121 32 6
1031 They were all "screaming" for me but not in a good way. 1.2766 0.04624 141 109 25 7
1032 Eighteen years, and I just found out my wife prefers chocolate chip! 1.2764 0.05202 123 97 18 8
1033 People throw toppings at me. 1.2761 0.05124 134 107 17 10
1034 My fiance said I had cold feet, but I don't think that's the problem. 1.2761 0.05013 134 106 19 9
1035 It all started in Sundae School ... 1.2761 0.04665 134 103 25 6
1036 Sometimes I just feel like the flavor of the month. 1.2759 0.04429 145 111 28 6
1037 It was mentioned as a possible side effect but I didn’t think… 1.2759 0.04641 145 113 24 8
1038 Oh, Doc - I just can’t seem to control my meltdowns. 1.2756 0.04416 156 121 27 8
1039 I'm feeling terrified. Summer is coming. 1.2756 0.04508 156 122 25 9
1040 That jingle is driving me crazy. 1.2754 0.04573 138 106 26 6
1041 I just want someone to love me for me. 1.2754 0.04456 138 105 28 5
1042 Every time the conversation gets heated, I just melt. 1.2754 0.04573 138 106 26 6
1043 I'm taking a licking every day. 1.2754 0.04799 138 108 22 8
1044 I can’t get that damn tune out of my head! 1.2752 0.04349 149 114 29 6
1045 Doc- is there a cure for chronic brain freeze ? 1.2752 0.04244 149 113 31 5
1046 I screamed, she screamed, we all screamed! 1.2752 0.04843 149 119 19 11
1047 My editor said I'm too much of a softie to compete for scoops. 1.2752 0.04244 149 113 31 5
1048 I just wish they'd call me 'tough serve' for once. 1.2750 0.04874 120 92 23 5
1049 I guess I'm just a big ol' softie. 1.2748 0.04605 131 100 26 5
1050 ...and then she said it was because I was soft and servile. 1.2748 0.05089 131 104 18 9
1051 Sometimes I just feel like I'm melting into obscurity! 1.2748 0.04972 131 103 20 8
1052 It feels like my world is melting 1.2748 0.04853 131 102 22 7
1053 They say I’m vanilla like it’s a bad thing. 1.2748 0.04853 131 102 22 7
1054 Then they dipped me in chocolate, and I cracked! 1.2746 0.04703 142 111 23 8
1055 I sometimes feel objectified. 1.2746 0.04596 142 110 25 7
1056 I feel like my problems came from taking a licking all my life. 1.2746 0.04486 142 109 27 6
1057 I'm having thoughts of eating myself. 1.2746 0.04138 142 106 33 3
1058 I feel like my head is in a swirl. 1.2745 0.04373 153 118 28 7
1059 My wife's twisted. 1.2745 0.04373 153 118 28 7
1060 Doc, I know I’m getting soft in the head. 1.2742 0.04768 124 95 24 5
1061 I think you have a mild case of brain freeze. 1.2742 0.04629 124 94 26 4
1062 And then she called me a conehead. Like I've never heard that one before. 1.2741 0.05197 135 109 15 11
1063 I was always the first one in my family to receive a lickin' 1.2741 0.04635 135 104 25 6
1064 And then she ran away with the spoon. 1.2741 0.04867 135 106 21 8
1065 Just once, I'd like people to think of me as 'Mister Toughie' 1.2741 0.04514 135 103 27 5
1066 Mom always said I was a softee. 1.2741 0.04867 135 106 21 8
1067 My girl friend calls me “Mr. Softee” 1.2740 0.04294 146 111 30 5
1068 I wasn't meant for this swirl'd. 1.2740 0.04403 146 112 28 6
1069 It's just not true: we all don't scream. 1.2735 0.05239 117 92 18 7
1070 Then I told her she has a stick up her ass but I was being literal, doc. 1.2735 0.05645 117 95 12 10
1071 It seems like I'm just an old Softie. 1.2734 0.04876 139 110 20 9
1072 Truth is Doc, most days I can be both Ben AND Jerry. 1.2734 0.04982 139 111 18 10
1073 Doc, I don't think I can lick this one! 1.2733 0.04526 150 117 25 8
1074 I'm telling you, doctor, I can't listen to that jingle one more time! 1.2733 0.04225 161 124 30 7
1075 I feel like such a dip….. 1.2727 0.04348 154 119 28 7
1076 She's says I'm cold to her. 1.2727 0.04574 132 101 26 5
1077 And are these "children" in the room with us now? 1.2727 0.04939 132 104 20 8
1078 Children seem to like me, but I leave adults cold. 1.2727 0.04114 143 107 33 3
1079 Being called Mr. Softy has finally gone to my head 1.2727 0.04574 132 101 26 5
1080 My life is hard 1.2727 0.04347 143 109 29 5
1081 My father never loved me. He continually told me that I was soft in the head. 1.2727 0.04880 143 114 19 10
1082 Life is so short, Doctor. 1.2721 0.04377 147 113 28 6
1083 Everyone says I’m too soft. 1.2721 0.04722 136 106 23 7
1084 My wife ran off with a dip. 1.2721 0.04722 136 106 23 7
1085 So, you are saying that it's all in my head? 1.2721 0.04947 136 108 19 9
1086 I don’t know, Doc. It just seems wherever I go, people just want to bite my head off… 1.2720 0.04735 125 96 24 5
1087 The first time I saw her, I melted. 1.2720 0.04735 125 96 24 5
1088 I, just, I'm NOT SOFT! 1.2720 0.04735 125 96 24 5
1089 I didn't know she was lactose intolerant 1.2716 0.04110 162 124 32 6
1090 Why do people always scream at me? 1.2714 0.04401 140 107 28 5
1091 She says I'm too cold, but she used to like that 1.2714 0.04516 140 108 26 6
1092 Do you think l’m a softy? 1.2714 0.04516 140 108 26 6
1093 It's not that people don't like me. I'm just not sure they respect me. 1.2714 0.04401 140 107 28 5
1094 As a kid I wanted to be a Cone Head,but this is what happened. 1.2714 0.04035 140 104 34 2
1095 She left me for a Dilly Bar! 1.2713 0.04891 129 101 21 7
1096 I feel like a swirl trapped in a single-flavor body. 1.2713 0.04505 129 98 27 4
1097 I’m just a big Softee at heart. 1.2713 0.04637 129 99 25 5
1098 Sometimes I wonder if it’s my name that’s contributing to my lack of a sex life. 1.2712 0.05337 118 94 16 8
1099 And, well, apparently the genie had never seen SNL. 1.2708 0.04540 144 112 25 7
1100 Why does everyone prefer waffle cones? 1.2708 0.04431 144 111 27 6
1101 Doc,I got no problem keeping a cool head 1.2708 0.04431 144 111 27 6
1102 ‘Then they said I’ll have to work sundae.’ 1.2708 0.04540 144 112 25 7
1103 Being replaced by Pumpkin Spice always triggers my Seasonal Affective Disorder! 1.2707 0.04789 133 104 22 7
1104 What did I do? Why do people always want to bite my head off? 1.2703 0.04657 148 117 22 9
1105 I guess I was just a summer fling 1.2701 0.04915 137 109 19 9
1106 Since when did vanilla become a bad thing? 1.2698 0.04835 126 98 22 6
1107 From the very beginning, I knew I wasn’t like the other kids . . . 1.2698 0.04565 126 96 26 4
1108 I feel like people just like me for my flavor. 1.2695 0.05021 141 114 16 11
1109 This brain freeze is killing me! 1.2695 0.03883 141 104 36 1
1110 Do you know how hard it is to find a hat that fits? 1.2695 0.04708 141 111 22 8
1111 I just don’t understand why everybody thinks I’m so cold. 1.2692 0.05098 130 104 17 9
1112 My wife thinks I'm too vanilla. 1.2692 0.04339 130 98 29 3
1113 And that's when I walked in on my mother and the soft serve machine. 1.2692 0.04858 130 102 21 7
1114 I am having a bit of a meltdown. 1.2690 0.04820 145 116 19 10
1115 My father never licked me. 1.2689 0.05021 119 93 20 6
1116 You'd have a complex too if everyone said you were soft in the head! 1.2687 0.04987 134 107 18 9
1117 Sometimes I just need a Bad Humor day 1.2687 0.04757 134 105 22 7
1118 In my dream I was in front of class with no cone on. 1.2687 0.05207 134 109 14 11
1119 my life is one big headache 1.2687 0.04757 134 105 22 7
1120 I've got so much swirling around in my head. 1.2687 0.04637 134 104 24 6
1121 Worst of all, it's not even ice cream! 1.2687 0.04873 134 106 20 8
1122 I can’t get this one song out of my head. 1.2683 0.05042 123 97 19 7
1123 I feel like my life is on a rockey road Doc 1.2683 0.04482 123 93 27 3
1124 We can lick this problem 1.2681 0.04773 138 109 21 8
1125 Well doc, I can't seem to ever get hard... 1.2681 0.05299 138 114 11 13
1126 Can you possibly give me some pills to sprinkle on top? 1.2681 0.04883 138 110 19 9
1127 It always ends the same… you scream, I scream, we all scream 1.2681 0.04661 138 108 23 7
1128 There's this tune I can't get out of my head." 1.2680 0.04448 153 120 25 8
1129 I feel like my brain is melting. Can you help me lick this? 1.2680 0.04637 153 122 21 10
1130 My name is Beldar. I'm a Conehead. I'm from "France". 1.2679 0.05071 112 87 20 5
1131 I recently had a major meltdown and realized this can't go on 1.2677 0.04802 127 99 22 6
1132 All my thoughts are so twisted. 1.2677 0.04802 127 99 22 6
1133 I can't handle the hot fudge any longer. 1.2677 0.04670 127 98 24 5
1134 Doc, I need your help. My mind, it’s swirling. 1.2677 0.04802 127 99 22 6
1135 Yeah doc, I really think I can lick this thing 1.2677 0.04930 127 100 20 7
1136 They say cooler heads prevail... but I know when I'm licked. 1.2676 0.04571 142 111 24 7
1137 I tried to be a good boy but still my dad would give me a licking. 1.2676 0.04888 142 114 18 10
1138 I know this sounds vain, but I just think I'd have more confidence if I still had sprinkles. 1.2676 0.04571 142 111 24 7
1139 why do I feel intense guilt every time I get hard? 1.2676 0.04784 142 113 20 9
1140 Maybe I’ve overemphasized looking cool? 1.2675 0.04462 157 124 24 9
1141 It just seems like people always scream when the see me. 1.2672 0.05063 131 105 17 9
1142 I keep getting brain freeze. 1.2672 0.04575 131 101 25 5
1143 I asked for "frosted tips" and then everything got out of hand 1.2672 0.04702 131 102 23 6
1144 I identify as bi-polar. I'm only really comfortable at the North or South Pole. 1.2672 0.04825 131 103 21 7
1145 I know I’m spiraling again. 1.2672 0.04575 131 101 25 5
1146 I guess, deep down, I really just am Mister Softie 1.2672 0.05063 131 105 17 9
1147 Face it, I'm licked. 1.2667 0.05122 120 95 18 7
1148 It’s just the same thing playing in my head over and over and over. 1.2667 0.04486 135 104 26 5
1149 Is that a rug or influenza? 1.2667 0.04954 135 108 18 9
1150 I'm just an old softie, doc. 1.2667 0.04841 120 93 22 5
1151 Everyone thinks I'm a drip. 1.2667 0.04841 120 93 22 5
1152 I have this recurring nightmare in which I am being licked by Rudy Giuliani. 1.2667 0.04726 135 106 22 7
1153 I just can't seem to lick it. 1.2667 0.04984 120 94 20 6
1154 ...it always ends with me on the ground looking up at a crying child. 1.2667 0.05065 135 109 16 10
1155 Sadly doctor, Im afraid no woman will ever want a man that can only provide a soft serve. 1.2667 0.04841 120 93 22 5
1156 I am not cold enough, and then not soft enough, tell me Doc, how do I break through this outer shell? 1.2662 0.04401 139 107 27 5
1157 It's like she only wants me in the Summer. 1.2662 0.04518 139 108 25 6
1158 Everything was perfect between us until our romance began heating up and I started dripping on her sofa. 1.2662 0.04743 139 110 21 8
1159 I'm thinking of coming out as twist. 1.2662 0.04632 139 109 23 7
1160 People lovee me, but I'm really very cold-hearted 1.2661 0.04451 124 94 27 3
1161 ... and then he said, give me the scoop. 1.2661 0.05006 124 98 19 7
1162 Why does everyone think of me as such a softy? 1.2657 0.04433 143 111 26 6
1163 Everyone thinks I’m a softee. 1.2652 0.04283 132 100 29 3
1164 I'm really a sweet guy, but women keep telling me that I am cold. 1.2652 0.04793 132 104 21 7
1165 ' cold, she says I'm cold" 1.2652 0.04545 132 102 25 5
1166 Doc, I can't lick this on my own. 1.2652 0.04416 132 101 27 4
1167 I keep having this dream about a giant tongue... 1.2652 0.05028 132 106 17 9
1168 It's always: "I prefer a sugar cone." 1.2650 0.04915 117 91 21 5
1169 I wasn’t born a softee, Doc. I come from a long line of hand- scooped hard-working sugar- cone filling immigrants. 1.2650 0.04915 117 91 21 5
1170 My sweet cherry left me for an old fashioned. 1.2647 0.04810 136 108 20 8
1171 I’ve literally never been hard 1.2647 0.04810 136 108 20 8
1172 I'm afraid of the sunlight. 1.2645 0.04102 155 119 31 5
1173 So being called Mr Softee has not been great for my sex life 1.2645 0.05218 121 97 16 8
1174 Sometimes I just feel licked 1.2645 0.04947 121 95 20 6
1175 I can't leave the apartment when the temperature is over 72. 1.2645 0.04947 121 95 20 6
1176 Do you have any idea what it’s like being soft serve coming from a family of gelato? 1.2643 0.04373 140 108 27 5
1177 "Did you just say, 'Let your troubles melt away?' Really." 1.2643 0.04713 140 111 21 8
1178 The day we brought in Chip Wich and King Cone... I knew layoffs were coming. 1.2643 0.04602 140 110 23 7
1179 No show business career since I turned down the Dan Ackroyd role in 1992. 1.2642 0.04889 106 81 22 3
1180 Gotta a real head cold. 1.2640 0.04970 125 99 19 7
1181 It’s harder than it looks. 1.2640 0.04839 125 98 21 6
1182 "It was elective surgery and now I regret it." 1.2640 0.05345 125 102 13 10
1183 My internist says it's all in my head, but to me, this constant brain freeze is real. 1.2640 0.04839 125 98 21 6
1184 Doc, I know that you and I can lick this thing together. 1.2640 0.04839 125 98 21 6
1185 Constant brain freeze, Doc. 1.2640 0.04970 125 99 19 7
1186 What if I'm just too soft for that second scoop I've been dreaming of? 1.2639 0.04725 144 115 20 9
1187 I really feel like it is your turn to scream. 1.2639 0.03940 144 108 34 2
1188 Doc, even with Viagra, I can't get hard. 1.2639 0.04515 144 113 24 7
1189 Everything being put on me is just starting to feel like…nuts, you know? 1.2639 0.04621 144 114 22 8
1190 It's hard to lose the self-hatred when you're lactose intolerant... 1.2636 0.04736 129 101 22 6
1191 ...and that's when my wife deserted me. 1.2636 0.04736 129 101 22 6
1192 I feel that everybody sucks! 1.2636 0.05337 129 106 12 11
1193 Doc, I'm afraid my family won't accept me when they find out I've become a real softy and have decided to become a "Dairy Queen". 1.2635 0.04829 148 120 17 11
1194 This headache is always with me. 1.2632 0.04640 133 104 23 6
1195 It's these headaches... 1.2632 0.04147 152 117 30 5
1196 Then they ALL screamed for ice-cream. 1.2632 0.05107 133 108 15 10
1197 My mom always said my face would freeze this way, and it did. 1.2632 0.05145 114 90 18 6
1198 'I can't wear a hat." 1.2632 0.04834 114 88 22 4
1199 I think my feelings of inadequacy began when I realized I'm not everybody's flavor of the month. 1.2632 0.04761 133 105 21 7
1200 Listen I’m just REALLY freaked out about global warming lately. 1.2632 0.04255 133 101 29 3
1201 I know they’re all screaming FOR me, but it feels like they’re screaming AT me 1.2632 0.04994 133 107 17 9
1202 Just because I still have a soft spot on my head, doesn’t mean I’m immature! 1.2632 0.04255 133 101 29 3
1203 I want to ask her out, but I keep dripping all over myself. 1.2632 0.04994 133 107 17 9
1204 ...so then she says "I wanted a swirl, not vanilla!" 1.2628 0.04306 137 105 28 4
1205 When people call me 'Mr. Softee', I still turn around looking for my dad. 1.2628 0.04665 137 108 22 7
1206 I think I'm being sweet, so why does it feel like everyone wants to bite my head off? 1.2628 0.04665 137 108 22 7
1207 Why does everyone SCREAM for Ice Cream? Would it kill then to whisper just once? 1.2628 0.04428 137 106 26 5
1208 I can't figure out why people won't take me seriously. 1.2627 0.05571 118 97 11 10
1209 I, vanilla, was top of the licking order, now they want multi-colored cones. 1.2627 0.04878 118 92 21 5
1210 I’m sick of being seen as a big softee 1.2624 0.04683 141 112 21 8
1211 I’m not, I’m not a Mr. Softie. 1.2623 0.04771 122 95 22 5
1212 'it used to be about the music' 1.2623 0.04324 122 92 28 2
1213 I spent my whole childhood trying to be Gelato 1.2623 0.04627 122 94 24 4
1214 Everyone addresses me "Mister," but they don't really respect me. 1.2621 0.05847 103 84 11 8
1215 I would freeze in moments of anxiety and my wife told me it was all in my head. 1.2621 0.05155 103 80 19 4
1216 I wish I weren't such a softee. 1.2619 0.04805 126 99 21 6
1217 All everyone ever asks is "where's the ice cream?", but never "how is the ice cream?" I'm sorry... shall we go back to talking about my mother? 1.2619 0.04671 126 98 23 5
1218 I thought life would be a piece of cake and it isn’t. 1.2619 0.04671 126 98 23 5
1219 Before we begin, could we lower the thermostat? 1.2619 0.04671 126 98 23 5
1220 No, I don't need a tissue. But a paper towel would be welcome. 1.2619 0.04671 126 98 23 5
1221 My wife says I need to harden up. 1.2617 0.04664 107 81 24 2
1222 I came to you, Doc, because obviously lots of people have licked your head, too. 1.2615 0.04951 130 104 18 8
1223 I just can't handle all the screaming. 1.2615 0.04575 130 101 24 5
1224 If I could just get rid of the curl on top, I could fit in. 1.2615 0.04166 130 98 30 2
1225 I feel like such a drip when I’m out in crowds 1.2615 0.04575 130 101 24 5
1226 I guess it all started when my parents had a custardy battle over me 1.2613 0.05073 111 87 19 5
1227 And the children…the children throw sprinkles at me. 1.2613 0.05386 111 89 15 7
1228 My friends think I’m too much a plain-vanilla guy. 1.2612 0.04846 134 107 19 8
1229 I know when I’m licked, doc. 1.2612 0.04228 134 102 29 3
1230 My work has been nearly unbearable. 7 days a week, including sundaes. 1.2609 0.04635 138 109 22 7
1231 Worst brain freeze I’ve ever had, doc. I think it would help if you took a little off the top. 1.2609 0.05106 115 91 18 6
1232 I thought you said keep a DAIRY of my thoughts! 1.2609 0.05253 115 92 16 7
1233 I feel like I’m always on the verge of a meltdown. 1.2609 0.04519 138 108 24 6
1234 I do have a problem, but it doesn’t help to say you’re going to help me lick it. 1.2606 0.04863 142 115 17 10
1235 It was this or the hand churned. 1.2605 0.04693 119 92 23 4
1236 To be honest with you, I also like Chocolate best. 1.2605 0.04379 119 90 27 2
1237 I keep feeling like I'm being licked. 1.2603 0.04243 146 113 28 5
1238 How would you like it if your head came oozing out of a machine? 1.2602 0.04737 123 96 22 5
1239 My biggest fear is being trapped in a hot car. 1.2598 0.05269 127 104 13 10
1240 It’s just that I’ve always been told that cooler heads will prevail. 1.2598 0.04900 127 101 19 7
1241 But does anyone ever think about the Dairy **King**? 1.2598 0.04771 127 100 21 6
1242 Is miss the sun, isn't that ironic. 1.2598 0.04501 127 98 25 4
1243 Why does everyone love Sunday more? 1.2596 0.04926 104 80 21 3
1244 ...and that's when I realized I was lactose intolerant. 1.2596 0.05291 104 82 17 5
1245 It seems nobody wants a Dairy King. 1.2595 0.04796 131 104 20 7
1246 It's kind of like brain freeze, but different. 1.2595 0.04917 131 105 18 8
1247 The sun came out. It was hot. I was terrified. Then I woke up..that’s all I remember. 1.2595 0.04414 131 101 26 4
1248 I’ve always wanted to be a gelato. 1.2595 0.04414 131 101 26 4
1249 I invited her to meet my parents, but when we got to the drive-thru, they weren’t working. 1.2595 0.04796 131 104 20 7
1250 I could use your help in understanding my obsession with global warming. 1.2595 0.04796 131 104 20 7
1251 She always seems to have a headache. 1.2593 0.04814 135 108 19 8
1252 Gretchen will not join me in the freezer which is the only place I can function as the mate she dreams of. 1.2593 0.04928 135 109 17 9
1253 It's been all Peaches and Cream up until now, but I think it's going to be a Rocky Road ahead... 1.2593 0.04987 108 84 20 4
1254 Apparently, cooler heads don't always prevail after all. 1.2589 0.04702 112 86 23 3
1255 I scream all the time. What's wrong with me, doctor? 1.2589 0.04702 112 86 23 3
1256 I just look odd, even in my sundae best. 1.2589 0.05190 112 89 17 6
1257 And then she told me I would never be a gelato!” 1.2587 0.04517 143 113 23 7
1258 And then my wife got her inevitable headache. 1.2587 0.04293 143 111 27 5
1259 I'm lactose intolerant 1.2586 0.04916 116 91 20 5
1260 All I said was, “It’s DOCTOR Frosty, Moron.” 1.2585 0.04638 147 118 20 9
1261 I wanna be a tough guy but everyone insists I’m a softee. 1.2583 0.05358 120 98 13 9
1262 I had a refrigerator mother. 1.2583 0.04950 120 95 19 6
1263 It's really emasculating to be called soft all the time. 1.2583 0.05090 120 96 17 7
1264 But I identify as ice cream. 1.2581 0.05476 124 103 10 11
1265 My parents were cold 1.2581 0.04974 124 99 18 7
1266 Everyone calls me Mr. Robbins, but you may call me Baskin. 1.2581 0.04562 124 96 24 4
1267 I can't help but feel as if I'd be much happier as a cup. 1.2581 0.04704 124 97 22 5
1268 I don't know, it just seems like soft serve is a thing of the past. 1.2581 0.04374 155 123 24 8
1269 I just want to be hard 1.2581 0.04974 124 99 18 7
1270 I was only supposed to be Queen for a day... 1.2578 0.04606 128 100 23 5
1271 She caught me in a banana split. 1.2578 0.04866 128 102 19 7
1272 Why does everyone assume that I'm a total softy? 1.2578 0.04471 128 99 25 4
1273 My mind is in a constant swirl. 1.2576 0.04764 132 105 20 7
1274 I’m trying to be firmer with people, but my reputation is holding me back. 1.2576 0.04385 132 102 26 4
1275 I feel like I'm going to have a melt down 1.2576 0.04385 132 102 26 4
1276 Doctor, I keep having this terrible dream where I'm being dipped in chocolate. 1.2576 0.05001 132 107 16 9
1277 I think my humor is just fine but my friends tell me it's not really good 1.2576 0.04385 132 102 26 4
1278 The truth is, I’m nonbinary! 1.2576 0.04764 132 105 20 7
1279 Sure, they’ll call me ‘consistent’ or ‘dependable,’ but at the end of the day, no one wants to settle with vanilla… 1.2576 0.04515 132 103 24 5
1280 MAYBE I SHOULD CHILL 1.2574 0.05006 101 78 20 3
1281 She told me she doesn’t like it served soft. 1.2574 0.04782 136 109 19 8
1282 And just how can brain freeze be psychosomatic? 1.2574 0.04428 136 106 25 5
1283 I've been experiencing more brain freeze than ever, Doc. 1.2574 0.04174 136 104 29 3
1284 As far as our sex life goes, she’s vanilla too, but I’ve become too soft. 1.2574 0.04782 136 109 19 8
1285 How long have the screams been bothering you? 1.2574 0.04667 136 108 21 7
1286 I'm thinking of transitioning to a cone. 1.2571 0.05746 105 86 11 8
1287 My parents only praised me for keeping a cool head. 1.2569 0.04802 144 117 17 10
1288 So does it feel like you're swirling or spiraling out of control? 1.2569 0.04947 109 85 20 4
1289 Climate change is just killing me. 1.2569 0.04947 109 85 20 4
1290 And yes, I have already tried embracing pumpkin spice. And no, it hasn’t reduced my seasonal depression! 1.2569 0.05438 109 88 14 7
1291 It's even harder getting bullied when you already have a swirly. 1.2568 0.04406 148 117 24 7
1292 It's just lonely with Cherry gone, you know? 1.2566 0.04833 113 88 21 4
1293 She didn't care a lick about me. 1.2566 0.05149 113 90 17 6
1294 Everyone calls me Beldar. 1.2564 0.04726 117 91 22 4
1295 Keeping a cool head is not easy these days 1.2562 0.04625 121 94 23 4
1296 I’ve been having issues with my relationship. I melt whenever she looks at me. 1.2562 0.05052 121 97 17 7
1297 I worry the ice cream headache is all in my mind. 1.2560 0.04939 125 100 18 7
1298 I don’t know doc, the only way I can describe it is it’s like a constant Brain freeze 1.2560 0.04670 125 98 22 5
1299 I’m nothing without the sprinkles. 1.2558 0.04575 129 101 23 5
1300 Being chill 24/7 is hightly overrated, Doc. 1.2558 0.04705 129 102 21 6
1301 My doctor says I'm lactose intolerant, but I think it's all in my head. 1.2558 0.04705 129 102 21 6
1302 She always wants to go to the beach, and I keep telling her, 'Helen, it's the seagulls, for God's sake. 1.2558 0.04832 129 103 19 7
1303 I need some sprinkles in my life 1.2558 0.04832 129 103 19 7
1304 I want my partner to see me as more than just a tasty treat. 1.2556 0.04610 133 105 22 6
1305 She dumped me for being too vanilla. 1.2556 0.04356 133 103 26 4
1306 Maybe it’s me, and not the machine, that’s broken 1.2556 0.04732 133 106 20 7
1307 Which one of your 31 personalities are you today? 1.2555 0.04751 137 110 19 8
1308 I just feel like I’m in for a licking all the time. 1.2553 0.04199 141 109 28 4
1309 I just can't take the heat 1.2550 0.04380 149 118 24 7
1310 …and then there’s the headaches! 1.2550 0.04583 149 120 20 9
1311 It's over, Doc. I know when I'm licked. 1.2547 0.05537 106 86 13 7
1312 I want to tell her I love her, but every time I see her I just melt. 1.2544 0.04955 114 90 19 5
1313 Only then did Dr. Robbins realize he'd not eaten lunch. 1.2544 0.05546 114 94 11 9
1314 Sometimes, my sense of self feels so twisted. 1.2544 0.05109 114 91 17 6
1315 I have this sharp pain, like my brain is frozen, but every doctor I've seen insists it's all in my head. 1.2544 0.04795 114 89 21 4
1316 . “I have lost my joy in dairy” 1.2544 0.04955 114 90 19 5
1317 Head colds are common. 1.2542 0.04990 118 94 18 6
1318 I have all these thoughts swirling in my head 1.2542 0.04842 118 93 20 5
1319 I feel like I’m on the verge of a major meltdown. 1.2542 0.05133 118 95 16 7
1320 It started out as a wish to be recognized and desired 1.2540 0.05156 126 103 14 9
1321 … and then my heart melted. 1.2540 0.04355 126 97 26 3
1322 Honestly... I've tried so hard. 1.2540 0.04904 126 101 18 7
1323 I try to put on a tough shell, but the truth is, underneath it all, I'm really just a softie. 1.2540 0.04904 126 101 18 7
1324 It started out as brain freeze. 1.2540 0.04772 126 100 20 6
1325 Everyone thinks I am too soft. 1.2540 0.04638 126 99 22 5
1326 I think I scream too much. 1.2540 0.04772 126 100 20 6
1327 I have this feeling that everyone I meet wants to lick me. 1.2540 0.04772 126 100 20 6
1328 Something's missing from my life. You think sprinkles might help? 1.2538 0.04544 130 102 23 5
1329 I don't know, Doc, I guess I'm too soft. I meltdown whenever I'm confronted. 1.2538 0.04544 130 102 23 5
1330 I always wanted to be Doctor Softee. 1.2537 0.04579 134 106 22 6
1331 I still can't get over being rejected for a part in the Coneheads on SNL. 1.2536 0.04607 138 110 21 7
1332 But, doctor, it's the worst head cold I've ever had! 1.2533 0.04456 150 120 22 8
1333 There’s just so much intolerance in this world.” #newyorker #newyorkercartoon 1.2525 0.05624 99 80 13 6
1334 I please everyone else but myself. 1.2524 0.05110 103 81 18 4
1335 Why am I such a softee? 1.2523 0.05034 111 88 18 5
1336 Doc, I guess I just feel licked. 1.2522 0.04251 115 87 27 1
1337 All my doubts of being too ‘vanilla’ swirl around my head all the time. 1.2521 0.04656 119 93 22 4
1338 So… What’s the scoop? 1.2520 0.04410 123 95 25 3
1339 I can't stop worrying about global warming. 1.2520 0.04842 123 98 19 6
1340 But, cooler heads prevailed... 1.2520 0.04842 123 98 19 6
1341 No matter what I do, I'm always licked! 1.2520 0.05110 123 100 15 8
1342 I think I’m not cut out to be a reporter. I never get the scoop. 1.2520 0.04703 123 97 21 5
1343 I just want them to see that I'm more than just a softy 1.2520 0.04467 127 99 24 4
1344 I just get constant brain freeze whenever I try to tell her how I feel. 1.2520 0.04605 127 100 22 5
1345 Everyone thinks brain freeze is a joke." 1.2520 0.04869 127 102 18 7
1346 You know that saying, “You are what you eat”? I’ 1.2520 0.04996 127 103 16 8
1347 ...but I always identified as chocolate dipped. 1.2519 0.04641 131 104 21 6
1348 Every day I start feeling on top of the world, but within hours, I'm licked. 1.2519 0.04513 131 103 23 5
1349 It's sounds twisted doesn't it! 1.2519 0.04426 135 106 24 5
1350 And then she tells me she wants someone less vanilla in bed. 1.2519 0.04299 135 105 26 4
1351 My friends can be really hard. 1.2519 0.04169 135 104 28 3
1352 I just can't break into Big Time Tennis with my soft-serve background! 1.2517 0.04490 143 114 22 7
1353 Mr. Coffee is hot and I am not. 1.2500 0.04660 112 87 22 3
1354 People just like me because I'm a softy. 1.2500 0.04437 128 100 24 4
1355 She dumped me for gelato. 1.2500 0.04669 124 98 21 5
1356 I feel like I've been licked. 1.2500 0.04561 116 90 23 3
1357 I'm always afraid someone will bite my head off. 1.2500 0.04972 132 108 15 9
1358 Keep a cool head, they said. And now everyone wants a bite. 1.2500 0.04483 132 104 23 5
1359 Doc, I just need to find a way to lick all these problems 1.2500 0.04835 128 103 18 7
1360 It’s like a total brain freeze, all the time. 1.2500 0.04573 128 101 22 5
1361 There's this jingle I can't get out of my head. 1.2500 0.05152 112 90 16 6
1362 I am just so tired of being licked... 1.2500 0.04835 128 103 18 7
1363 I am more concerned about a brain melt. 1.2500 0.04669 124 98 21 5
1364 She.. She.. She was soft serve doc. Perfect in every way... 1.2500 0.04217 132 102 27 3
1365 How come they don't have a Dairy King 1.2500 0.04754 136 110 18 8
1366 Why must I always be Mr. Softee? 1.2500 0.04915 120 96 18 6
1367 I think I’m iconic. 1.2500 0.05444 108 88 13 7
1368 My father was very cold, too. 1.2500 0.04308 120 92 26 2
1369 Even my kids call me a cone head 1.2500 0.04807 124 99 19 6
1370 A lot of people think I’m soft in the head, but my DQ is 140. 1.2500 0.04669 124 98 21 5
1371 Women only want me for one thing. 1.2500 0.04879 116 92 19 5
1372 Would it be OK if I close the drapes completely? 1.2500 0.05592 104 85 12 7
1373 Everyone says I'm too vanilla. 1.2500 0.04669 124 98 21 5
1374 Everyone says I am just a softie 1.2500 0.04573 128 101 22 5
1375 It all started with brain freeze. 1.2500 0.04879 116 92 19 5
1376 Seasonal what? 1.2500 0.05030 116 93 17 6
1377 I sometimes wonder who would notice if I just melted away completely. 1.2500 0.04437 128 100 24 4
1378 YES, IT SEENMS TO BE WORKING. I FEEL MUCH MORE COOL-HEADED. 1.2500 0.04638 136 109 20 7
1379 Brain freeze is really debilitating 1.2500 0.05752 100 82 11 7
1380 Doc, I can’t go on…I’m licked! 1.2500 0.04437 128 100 24 4
1381 Why scream? 1.2500 0.04296 128 99 26 3
1382 My thoughts are just all swirled, doc. 1.2500 0.04069 124 94 29 1
1383 It was a beautiful first date… then I leaned into kiss her and she… she licked me. 1.2500 0.05030 116 93 17 6
1384 I have a rocky road past, doc. 1.2500 0.04195 140 109 27 4
1385 Everybody tells me I’m so vanilla. 1.2500 0.04660 112 87 22 3
1386 They always ask if the ice cream machine's broken, but never the ice cream. 1.2485 0.04262 169 137 22 10
1387 I used to be a queen before I transitioned, Dairy King just doesn’t sound right. 1.2481 0.04821 133 108 17 8
1388 My thoughts keep on swirling around in my mind. And then they melt away 1.2481 0.04673 129 103 20 6
1389 Everyone is always saying how cold I am, like on the inside 1.2481 0.04542 129 102 22 5
1390 I just can't get that jingle out of my head. 1.2480 0.04773 125 100 19 6
1391 You can’t imagine what it’s like to have permanent brain freeze. 1.2480 0.05036 125 102 15 8
1392 She wants to spoon me, but I'm just not ready. 1.2480 0.04906 125 101 17 7
1393 The kids in school would pick on me, call me names like Mister Softee. 1.2480 0.04495 125 98 23 4
1394 My wife keeps calling me a softy 1.2480 0.04773 125 100 19 6
1395 Every partner I've had has told me I'm a very sweet guy, but I've never been able to have a long-lasting relationship 1.2480 0.04773 125 100 19 6
1396 I don’t know…my heads just in a whirl 1.2480 0.04349 125 97 25 3
1397 My father was a banana. He split when I was five. 1.2479 0.05018 121 98 16 7
1398 Every time I try to unpack my emotions it's like I get brain freeze 1.2479 0.04588 121 95 22 4
1399 Do you have any family members that suffer from brain freeze? 1.2479 0.05018 121 98 16 7
1400 Vanilla, Yes, but I too can be adventurous 1.2479 0.04736 121 96 20 5
1401 People say I have no taste. 1.2479 0.04527 117 91 23 3
1402 Maybe just because it’s chic, I’ve always felt inferior to gelato 1.2479 0.04361 117 90 25 2
1403 My parents always told me to keep a cool head... 1.2478 0.04624 113 88 22 3
1404 But, Doc, I really want to be Dairy King! 1.2478 0.04954 113 90 18 5
1405 I’m always getting teased about being soft in the head ! 1.2478 0.05111 113 91 16 6
1406 I don't know what to do. Every time we start kissing she stops and tells me she has a headache. 1.2478 0.04792 113 89 20 4
1407 I finally meet a girl name Cohen, and of course she’s lactose intolerant 1.2477 0.04728 109 85 21 3
1408 Sunshine, has just the opposite effect On me and actually depresses me.' 1.2477 0.05554 109 90 11 8
1409 I’m trying to avoid another meltdown. 1.2476 0.04838 105 82 20 3
1410 They say, 'That's the way the cookie crumbles,' but I guess I never thought that applied to me. 1.2476 0.05376 105 85 14 6
1411 Ironically,it last for hours. 1.2476 0.05203 105 84 16 5
1412 Some say I’m just a big softie 1.2475 0.05152 101 80 17 4
1413 Mr. Softee was my father. I'm just Darryl. 1.2474 0.05290 97 77 16 4
1414 I was never tough, but at work they whisper behind my back: there goes Mr. Softee. 1.2463 0.04549 134 107 21 6
1415 I tried being sweet. It didn’t work. 1.2463 0.04424 134 106 23 5
1416 I'm Not a cone-head. 1.2462 0.04238 130 101 26 3
1417 It’s these damn headaches. 1.2462 0.04095 130 100 28 2
1418 I just need to be held tightly. 1.2462 0.04377 130 102 24 4
1419 My problem is headaches, doc. Constant headaches. 1.2462 0.04641 130 104 20 6
1420 She said I couldn't commit, but frankly I'm just really scared. She's so hot! 1.2460 0.04603 126 100 21 5
1421 Don't tell me to chill out. 1.2460 0.04319 126 98 25 3
1422 I will melt 1.2459 0.04403 122 95 24 3
1423 Do you realize it was the hottest summer ever? 1.2458 0.04652 118 93 21 4
1424 I have always been the softie in my relationships 1.2458 0.04805 118 94 19 5
1425 I've always wanted to be chocolate 1.2458 0.04493 118 92 23 3
1426 Everyone thinks I'm a soft touch. 1.2458 0.04953 118 95 17 6
1427 I have no problem if I am criticized, but if somebody compliments me, I just melt. 1.2458 0.04805 118 94 19 5
1428 I mean it could be paranoia…..or maybe just brain freeze? 1.2458 0.04805 118 94 19 5
1429 My wife tells me ice cream in my sleep. 1.2458 0.04805 118 94 19 5
1430 I'm from France. 1.2458 0.04953 118 95 17 6
1431 If only I had sprinkles . . . 1.2456 0.04237 114 87 26 1
1432 It was so embarrassing, Doc, I just melted in front of everyone at the sight of her. 1.2456 0.04237 114 87 26 1
1433 …then she said that she was lactose intolerant. 1.2456 0.05071 114 92 16 6
1434 I have these thoughts that keep swirling around in my head. 1.2456 0.04915 114 91 18 5
1435 Then she told me didn't care a lick about me. 1.2456 0.04755 114 90 20 4
1436 It's not easy being Kreme. 1.2456 0.04416 114 88 24 2
1437 I feel like I'm being eaten alive. 1.2455 0.04865 110 87 19 4
1438 I can't seem to lick this thing. Is it all in my head? 1.2453 0.05657 106 88 10 8
1439 « Yes, I’ve tried Viagra. » 1.2453 0.05330 106 86 14 6
1440 I don't think of myself as Vanilla. 1.2453 0.04982 106 84 18 4
1441 No one wants Vanilla. 1.2453 0.04982 106 84 18 4
1442 I thought I had it licked. 1.2453 0.04798 106 83 20 3
1443 I know I'm a softy... but does that mean I have to take a lickin' from everyone? 1.2453 0.04798 106 83 20 3
1444 Depression, no way. I know for a fact that it is brain freeze. 1.2452 0.03920 155 121 30 4
1445 ...and then I found myself just screaming. I scream and scream for no reason at all. 1.2451 0.04914 102 80 19 3
1446 Every time I close my eyes, I hear their screams. 1.2451 0.05649 102 84 11 7
1447 Climate change is beginning to take a toll on me. 1.2451 0.05107 102 81 17 4
1448 People say "Brain-Freeze" like it's a bad thing! 1.2451 0.04712 102 79 21 2
1449 She keeps trying to 'spoon' with me.... it's like she doesn't get me at all. 1.2451 0.05649 102 84 11 7
1450 I have this feeling that I'm going soft in the head 1.2449 0.05242 98 78 16 4
1451 I’m so tired of the “soft serve” jokes! 1.2448 0.04351 143 114 23 6
1452 Do you have anything for chronic brain freeze? 1.2448 0.04571 143 116 19 8
1453 Manic depressive, ok. But now lactose intolerance?! 1.2447 0.05171 94 74 17 3
1454 Doctor, my life is melting away 1.2446 0.04432 139 111 22 6
1455 My head won't stop swirling. 1.2444 0.04639 135 109 19 7
1456 I'm not ice cream, I'm soft-serve. I can't be all things to all people. 1.2443 0.04480 131 104 22 5
1457 Did you just lick me? 1.2441 0.04837 127 103 17 7
1458 I’m trying to keep a cool head. 1.2441 0.04706 127 102 19 6
1459 I have this recurring dream that I'm not really fat-free. 1.2441 0.04432 127 100 23 4
1460 You might be at risk of a melt down 1.2441 0.04964 127 104 15 8
1461 I can’t get that music out of my head! 1.2441 0.04837 127 103 17 7
1462 I feel like I'm just a French Vanilla guy in a Rocky Road world. 1.2441 0.04140 127 98 27 2
1463 The SNL skits ruined my life. 1.2441 0.04432 127 100 23 4
1464 I just cannot take being called soft anymore ! 1.2441 0.04837 127 103 17 7
1465 No one on Grindr swipes right when your name is Mister Softee. 1.2439 0.05077 123 101 14 8
1466 ...and that's when she accused me of giving her the cold shoulder. 1.2439 0.04944 123 100 16 7
1467 I… I think I’m spiraling, Doc. 1.2439 0.04808 123 99 18 6
1468 It's hard to accept that your mother is broken. 1.2437 0.04916 119 96 17 6
1469 Doctor, I use to look like you” 1.2437 0.04617 119 94 21 4
1470 Tell me when the headaches first started. 1.2437 0.04617 119 94 21 4
1471 In high school other kids called me “cone head” and then in college my girlfriend left me because I was “too vanilla” for her 1.2437 0.05059 119 97 15 7
1472 I really dread Summer 1.2435 0.05031 115 93 16 6
1473 I had a meltdown in my boss’s office today. I was such a mess. 1.2435 0.04718 115 91 20 4
1474 And people think it’s a toupee! 1.2435 0.04553 115 90 22 3
1475 Sometimes I dress as Mrs. Frosty. 1.2435 0.04877 115 92 18 5
1476 The thing is, I'm NOT always ready to serve. . . 1.2435 0.04718 115 91 20 4
1477 I might just as well not exist from the neck down. 1.2432 0.04992 111 89 17 5
1478 I'm having a quarter life crisis. Do I go with "jimmies" or do I go with "sprinkles"? 1.2432 0.04473 111 86 23 2
1479 My last meltdown was a complete mess. 1.2432 0.05154 111 90 15 6
1480 My parents would have preferred I become Doctor Softee. 1.2432 0.04992 111 89 17 5
1481 I am tired of these meltdowns !! 1.2430 0.04940 107 85 18 4
1482 I want the world to accept all my shape and sizes 1.2427 0.04672 103 80 21 2
1483 Take me back to when you were first called soft. 1.2427 0.04871 103 81 19 3
1484 My cousin's the poop emoji 1.2427 0.05766 103 86 9 8
1485 In the dream, everyone is just screaming and staring at me. 1.2424 0.05195 99 79 16 4
1486 Since taking this job I've lost all my good humor. 1.2424 0.05759 99 82 10 7
1487 You say King Kone, but I identify as Dairy Queen. 1.2424 0.04318 132 104 24 4
1488 No, that's a different conehead family 1.2422 0.04929 128 105 15 8
1489 Is it true? Am I really too vanilla? 1.2422 0.04673 128 103 19 6
1490 …and then they gave me a swirly… 1.2422 0.04259 128 100 25 3
1491 It’s just this constant pressure to always feel refreshing. 1.2422 0.04539 128 102 21 5
1492 As you can imagine, being known as Mr. Softie hasn't done wonders for my self-esteem. 1.2422 0.04802 128 104 17 7
1493 I just can't lick this feeling. 1.2422 0.04401 128 101 23 4
1494 It all started when I was just a Dixie Cup... 1.2419 0.04633 124 99 20 5
1495 Hearing the same song on repeat is giving me brain freeze. 1.2419 0.04490 124 98 22 4
1496 I really think I'm on a sugar high. 1.2419 0.04908 124 101 16 7
1497 And then I found out I was frozen yogurt. 1.2419 0.04490 124 98 22 4
1498 I get that my mother is the Dairy Queen but I just want to be accepted for my own achievements. 1.2419 0.04773 124 100 18 6
1499 My wife, Lickity, split. 1.2417 0.04583 120 95 21 4
1500 I'm starting to have anxiety attacks over climate change. 1.2417 0.04583 120 95 21 4
1501 All I ever hear is ‘vanilla privilege.’ 1.2417 0.05020 120 98 15 7
1502 It all started with an SNL skit, years ago... 1.2417 0.04583 120 95 21 4
1503 The lickings. The meltdowns. Can't get them out of my head. 1.2417 0.04733 120 96 19 5
1504 No, I think this is more than just an ice cream headache. 1.2417 0.04583 120 95 21 4
1505 Then she said I was ‘soft in the head’! What do you suppose she meant by that? 1.2417 0.04583 120 95 21 4
1506 'Hmmmm.... I scream.' 1.2416 0.04113 149 118 26 5
1507 So what you’re saying doc is that brain freeze is all in my head? 1.2416 0.04001 149 117 28 4
1508 All the girls I meet just seem interested in my brain. 1.2414 0.04992 116 94 16 6
1509 I just want to talk about my feelings without being called soft. 1.2414 0.04839 116 93 18 5
1510 They SAY they like me as is. But in the end, they always want the sprinkles. 1.2414 0.05140 116 95 14 7
1511 I fear I could be headed for a melt down 1.2414 0.04992 116 94 16 6
1512 I’m so sick of being called soft 1.2414 0.04839 116 93 18 5
1513 She called me a softie. 1.2411 0.04014 141 110 28 3
1514 Waffle cones have ruined my life" 1.2411 0.04952 112 90 17 5
1515 Thanks for keeping the AC cranked. 1.2411 0.04616 112 88 21 3
1516 You told me to chill out. And now this. 1.2411 0.04952 112 90 17 5
1517 But inside I've always felt like a twist. 1.2407 0.04900 108 86 18 4
1518 Dr. Nerfswaddle tried to concentrate on the session, but he couldn't bannish the DQ from his thoughts. 1.2407 0.04337 108 83 24 1
1519 I came to you looking for someone who could lick my chronic brain freeze. 1.2406 0.04289 133 105 24 4
1520 Give me a minute, brain-freeze. 1.2406 0.04547 133 107 20 6
1521 I feel like I scream 1.2404 0.05202 104 84 15 5
1522 In 3rd grade, they poured syrup on me. 1.2403 0.04640 129 104 19 6
1523 I feel as though I am perpetually on the verge of a meltdown. 1.2403 0.04371 129 102 23 4
1524 I'm just licked. 1.2400 0.05003 125 103 14 8
1525 Kids run way when they see me now. 1.2400 0.04948 100 79 18 3
1526 I’m not sad. I’m hot. 1.2400 0.04311 125 98 24 3
1527 Trauma? Has anyone dipped YOU in chocolate successfully? 1.2400 0.04458 125 99 22 4
1528 The irony is I'm lactose intolerant. 1.2400 0.05707 100 83 10 7
1529 They all think I'm twisted... 1.2400 0.04600 125 100 20 5
1530 Yes, but my childhood was hard. 1.2400 0.05148 100 80 16 4
1531 She said our sex life was too... you know 1.2400 0.04738 125 101 18 6
1532 Can't shake the idea that we are what we eat, doc 1.2400 0.04311 125 98 24 3
1533 I know this is supposed to be a safe space,but every time I lay down I just freeze up. 1.2397 0.04070 121 93 27 1
1534 I just have a soft spot for others. 1.2397 0.04395 121 95 23 3
1535 I guess I'm just an old Softee. 1.2397 0.04698 121 97 19 5
1536 I have this phobia when the temperature goes above 32. 1.2397 0.04549 121 96 21 4
1537 Isn't it obvious? My father was cold and my mom was a softie. 1.2397 0.04549 121 96 21 4
1538 That's right ladies, it actually DOES taste like cream 1.2397 0.04698 121 97 19 5
1539 I don’t know doc, I just feel that I will always be a single 1.2396 0.05490 96 78 13 5
1540 I'm licked! 1.2393 0.04646 117 93 20 4
1541 I keep having that recurring dream where I’m melting. 1.2393 0.04485 117 92 22 3
1542 The brain freeze never stops 1.2393 0.04646 117 93 20 4
1543 I just wanted to taste it. 1.2393 0.04485 117 92 22 3
1544 I suspect my fantasies will sound a bit vanilla. 1.2393 0.04953 117 95 16 6
1545 I just feel like I'm licked. 1.2393 0.04317 117 91 24 2
1546 So I’m left-twirled and not right-twirled … why is that so bad? 1.2393 0.04802 117 94 18 5
1547 I can’t help thinking there must be more to life than searching for the perfect topping” 1.2391 0.04977 92 72 18 2
1548 I have trouble warming up to people. 1.2391 0.04731 92 71 20 1
1549 I'm tired of keeping a cool head. I just want to have a meltdown, you know? 1.2389 0.05374 113 94 11 8
1550 Doc, I think I’m about to have a meltdown. 1.2389 0.04913 113 91 17 5
1551 Sure, I hate summer, but kids are the worst. 1.2389 0.04580 113 89 21 3
1552 I feel that my biggest anxieties stem from the social stigma I get for being a lobbyist for a fracking company. 1.2389 0.04913 113 91 17 5
1553 I mean, who calls their kid Mr Soft Whip? Who does that? 1.2389 0.05071 113 92 15 6
1554 I do feel like we’re making progress. It’s just that in real life, my brain freezes, and I can’t respond. 1.2389 0.04749 113 90 19 4
1555 Sometimes I just wanna scream. 1.2388 0.04517 134 108 20 6
1556 I don’t know why I keep getting these brain freeze things. 1.2388 0.04639 134 109 18 7
1557 You try being Mister Softee in this hard, hard world 1.2388 0.04639 134 109 18 7
1558 I feel lactose intolerant. 1.2385 0.04496 109 85 22 2
1559 I'm so tired of being just plain vanilla. 1.2385 0.05031 109 88 16 5
1560 Besides the chills, I feel like I'm going soft in the head. 1.2385 0.05031 109 88 16 5
1561 I can't shake this cold and lonely feeling. 1.2385 0.04859 109 87 18 4
1562 When the coneheads became famous I thought I'd finally be accepted. 1.2385 0.04859 109 87 18 4
1563 The thing is, I really am from France. 1.2385 0.05197 109 89 14 6
1564 I fear I'm on the verge of a major melt-down 1.2385 0.04341 130 103 23 4
1565 I feel anxious around kids! 1.2381 0.05158 105 85 15 5
1566 Girls don’t think I’m good for them. 1.2381 0.04977 105 84 17 4
1567 It's just that deep down I'm a hardass. 1.2381 0.04390 105 81 23 1
1568 I wear a few rainbow sprinkles and everyone thinks I’m gay… 1.2381 0.04704 126 102 18 6
1569 ... but I identify as an acorn 1.2381 0.04977 105 84 17 4
1570 I wanted to be a single scoop but my parents insisted I be a swirl! 1.2377 0.04664 122 98 19 5
1571 She left me for a Buster Bar. 1.2376 0.04905 101 80 18 3
1572 It all started with the to go cup. 1.2376 0.04483 101 78 22 1
1573 I’m still waiting to get scooped up by that special someone. 1.2376 0.04699 101 79 20 2
1574 After my parents split, I went a little soft in the head. 1.2373 0.04766 118 95 18 5
1575 I know my parents won’t approve, but, she’s a dish! 1.2373 0.04611 118 94 20 4
1576 It's the same dream over and over again . . . they're all screaming for ice cream. 1.2373 0.04611 118 94 20 4
1577 No doctor, not even one lick. 1.2373 0.04113 118 91 26 1
1578 I feel like I’m heading for a meltdown. 1.2373 0.04915 118 96 16 6
1579 She left me for a gelato. 1.2373 0.04766 118 95 18 5
1580 So you can see why I asked for a doctor who is lactose intolerant. 1.2373 0.04611 118 94 20 4
1581 My girlfriend just broke up with me... But I guess it serves me right. 1.2371 0.05029 97 77 17 3
1582 I scream, they scream, then we all scream. 1.2371 0.05439 97 79 13 5
1583 I’m not soft. I’m temperature dependent. 1.2371 0.04810 97 76 19 2
1584 The bullies keep licking me. 1.2370 0.04362 135 108 22 5
1585 My last shrink told me, "Sometimes an ice cream cone is only an ice cream cone." 1.2368 0.04545 114 90 21 3
1586 All I can think about is rainbow sprinkles. 1.2368 0.05331 114 95 11 8
1587 Do you have something for brain freeze? 1.2368 0.04147 152 122 24 6
1588 Everytime the temperature rises, I have a meltdown 1.2368 0.04370 114 89 23 2
1589 I met this woman who's so hot . . . 1.2366 0.05162 93 74 16 3
1590 Ben and Jerry rejected me. 1.2366 0.04930 93 73 18 2
1591 Sure I trust you, doc, but I've been told all my life that there's just no cure for a head cold. 1.2364 0.04820 110 88 18 4
1592 I had that dream again, where I see my head melting on the sidewalk. 1.2364 0.04820 110 88 18 4
1593 My wife still thinks I’m a dip. 1.2364 0.04269 110 85 24 1
1594 They promised me the "curl on top" would attract women. 1.2364 0.04644 110 87 20 3
1595 Brain freezes are no fun, Doc, I'v gotta tell ya! 1.2364 0.04990 110 89 16 5
1596 So Doc, What’s the scoop? 1.2364 0.04820 110 88 18 4
1597 Sometimes I just feel so....cold. 1.2364 0.04460 110 86 22 2
1598 I was only trying to give him a cold shoulder. 1.2364 0.04644 110 87 20 3
1599 ... And to top it off, everyone just assumes I'm bad at tennis ... 1.2364 0.04644 110 87 20 3
1600 ... and was when I worked for Ben & Jerrys 1.2362 0.04803 127 104 16 7
1601 Global warming news is all about icebergs and turtles. What about me?! 1.2362 0.04671 127 103 18 6
1602 I scream all day! Not sure what's wrong with me? 1.2358 0.04749 106 84 19 3
1603 But when I cry, it *is* spilt milk. 1.2358 0.04935 106 85 17 4
1604 I never get a second date. I think it's my plain vanilla personality. 1.2358 0.04749 106 84 19 3
1605 And then she said she wanted to lick me. 1.2358 0.05114 106 86 15 5
1606 It's hard, you know, when so many people are lactose intolerant. 1.2358 0.05114 106 86 15 5
1607 Sometimes I think I might just melt away. 1.2358 0.05114 106 86 15 5
1608 I think I’m suffering from seasonal depression. 1.2358 0.05286 106 87 13 6
1609 I had cold feet about coming here but it was all in my head. 1.2358 0.05114 106 86 15 5
1610 No matter what everyone tells me, my problems just don’t melt away 1.2358 0.04935 106 85 17 4
1611 When my head starts melting I get brain freeze. 1.2358 0.04332 123 97 23 3
1612 What do you mean, I’m sublimating? 1.2358 0.04909 123 101 15 7
1613 She keeps ordering waffles and it makes me feel plain 1.2358 0.04332 123 97 23 3
1614 I just feel like I’m always on the verge of a meltdown. 1.2353 0.05058 102 82 16 4
1615 I’d always wanted to be one of the cool kids. 1.2353 0.04658 102 80 20 2
1616 Sometimes I feel I am just a confection to her... 1.2353 0.04457 136 110 20 6
1617 No, it’s not me. You’re thinking of Dan Aykroyd 1.2353 0.04658 102 80 20 2
1618 For the last time, it’s not seasonal effective disorder. 1.2353 0.05428 102 84 12 6
1619 I just worry she’s too hot for me 1.2353 0.04577 119 95 20 4
1620 My greatest fear is global warming. 1.2348 0.04670 132 108 17 7
1621 I have this recurring dream that I’m running down a sidewalk. 1.2348 0.05142 115 95 13 7
1622 Everyone tells me it's all in my head. 1.2348 0.04676 115 92 19 4
1623 Lately, it seems as though I am experiencing brain freeze. 1.2348 0.04991 115 94 15 6
1624 My “Mr. Softserve” title doesn’t help in the dating game. 1.2348 0.04676 115 92 19 4
1625 Females aren’t into sweet… I need to be more like Rocky Road. 1.2348 0.04510 115 91 21 3
1626 I don't know, doc, every time I try to talk to her, I just freeze up. 1.2348 0.04836 115 93 17 5
1627 I can only seem to make fair weather friends. 1.2347 0.05766 98 82 9 7
1628 Calling me 'soft' is one thing, but finding out I was just her 'flavor of the month' is making my stomach churn. 1.2345 0.04378 145 118 20 7
1629 I had one meltdown and they froze me out! 1.2344 0.04503 128 103 20 5
1630 And I'll never be able to wear a fedora. 1.2344 0.04503 128 103 20 5
1631 Doc, I'm melting under the pressure at work. 1.2342 0.04607 111 88 20 3
1632 What else would I be talking about. 1.2342 0.05112 111 91 14 6
1633 So anyway, that's when they started calling me Mr. Softee 1.2342 0.04949 111 90 16 5
1634 She said I'm soft in the head. 1.2342 0.04781 111 89 18 4
1635 The Haberdasher had no hats that fit. He suggested dipping it in chocolate. 1.2342 0.04949 111 90 16 5
1636 My father never wanted a swirl. 1.2342 0.05112 111 91 14 6
1637 I dunno doc… people are always telling me I’m living a soft serve life, but these days it feels really hard serve. 1.2342 0.04607 111 88 20 3
1638 And always her sarcastic comeback, 'Don't have a meltdown!' 1.2340 0.05332 94 76 14 4
1639 In my dreams, I hear the song. 1.2339 0.04596 124 100 19 5
1640 I'm worried I come off as cold... 1.2336 0.04893 107 86 17 4
1641 Yes and I've also been getting these brain freezes Doc 1.2336 0.04710 107 85 19 3
1642 My family is always so cold to me. 1.2336 0.04519 107 84 21 2
1643 But I’m more than vanilla…I’m French Vanilla. 1.2336 0.04519 107 84 21 2
1644 You have to help me doc, I’m having a meltdown. 1.2336 0.04893 107 86 17 4
1645 Oftentimes I feel like a big softy. 1.2333 0.04543 120 96 20 4
1646 My life is so vanilla. 1.2333 0.04543 120 96 20 4
1647 I don't wanna be Mr. Softy anymore. 1.2333 0.04543 120 96 20 4
1648 I've taken just about all the licks I can take. 1.2333 0.04984 120 99 14 7
1649 My wife wants to leave me, and the dog wants to eat me. 1.2333 0.04841 120 98 16 6
1650 Every time I lick a human I get brain freeze 1.2333 0.04694 120 97 18 5
1651 Summer is hell. 1.2333 0.04694 120 97 18 5
1652 My family thrived in the summer. 1.2330 0.04820 103 82 18 3
1653 She wants me to try new things, you know...with chocolate or whipped cream. But, I just can't seem to get past being plain vanilla. 1.2330 0.05014 103 83 16 4
1654 I keep having this nightmare where I’m driving my truck and a whole neighborhood of kids are chasing me down the block. 1.2330 0.04618 103 81 20 2
1655 I understand you specialize in scream therapy. 1.2330 0.04407 103 80 22 1
1656 I didn’t think the brain freeze would last this long. 1.2330 0.04820 103 82 18 3
1657 Why do I feel like she wants to bite my head off all the time 1.2330 0.05380 103 85 12 6
1658 I have a brain freeze 1.2328 0.04798 116 94 17 5
1659 I walk around feeling like I have perpetual brain freeze 1.2328 0.05101 116 96 13 7
1660 I thought life was going to be a piece of cake..." 1.2328 0.04952 116 95 15 6
1661 I know, I know, I’m too soft. 1.2328 0.04640 116 93 19 4
1662 My thoughts are always swirling. Sometimes dark. Sometimes light. Sometimes a mix of the two…” 1.2328 0.05101 116 96 13 7
1663 It started the first time I was dipped in chocolate. 1.2326 0.04606 129 105 18 6
1664 I was not always this way---I was a real hot head 1.2326 0.04335 129 103 22 4
1665 I can't seem to get the song out of my head. 1.2321 0.04909 112 91 16 5
1666 I’ve been having the giant tongue dream again… 1.2321 0.04743 112 90 18 4
1667 My parents had a hard life. 1.2321 0.04743 112 90 18 4
1668 She said my apartment was too cold 1.2321 0.04743 112 90 18 4
1669 I asked for a combover, but they gave me a cone over. 1.2321 0.04743 112 90 18 4
1670 I only wear it because I don’t like people starring at my hair. 1.2321 0.04743 112 90 18 4
1671 And he just kept licking! 1.2321 0.04390 112 88 22 2
1672 I'm not soft. It's just hard out there. 1.2321 0.05071 112 92 14 6
1673 I can't take that label anymore. I mean... Do YOU think i'm soft, Doctor? 1.2321 0.04743 112 90 18 4
1674 I've tried to practice mindfulness,but my thoughts continue to swirl. 1.2318 0.04036 151 121 25 5
1675 People accuse me of being a softee. 1.2318 0.04351 151 124 19 8
1676 I have a drinking problem. 1.2316 0.04838 95 75 18 2
1677 My wife tells me I'm too vanilla. 1.2316 0.05065 95 76 16 3
1678 Then she dropped me - right on my head! And then there was this child screaming. Endless screaming. And no one ever came for me. 1.2316 0.05489 95 78 12 5
1679 I worry a lot about global warming. 1.2315 0.04853 108 87 17 4
1680 The last straw was when she insisted I do hot yoga with her. 1.2315 0.04671 108 86 19 3
1681 Sundaes are the hardest. 1.2315 0.04853 108 87 17 4
1682 Doc, why do I keep getting brain freezes? 1.2315 0.04482 108 85 21 2
1683 See?? Even YOU think I'm soft in the head! 1.2315 0.05197 108 89 13 6
1684 And then I found sprinkles on the back of her head... 1.2315 0.05361 108 90 11 7
1685 Don’t try to candy coat this, Doc. 1.2315 0.05028 108 88 15 5
1686 My tennis game went south when I got a soft serve. 1.2314 0.04509 121 97 20 4
1687 The continual looks of lust get old--I am not a piece of meat.... 1.2314 0.04805 121 99 16 6
1688 Don't worry, doc: I'm not about to have a meltdown - not in a week of Sundaes! 1.2314 0.04805 121 99 16 6
1689 My whole life is melting before my eyes. 1.2308 0.04779 104 83 18 3
1690 Thanks to our work I have decided to let cooler heads prevail. 1.2308 0.05155 104 85 14 5
1691 If you just keep it under 32 degrees I’ll be fine. 1.2308 0.04779 104 83 18 3
1692 I am a product of Dairy Queen. Am I gay or trans? 1.2308 0.05651 91 75 11 5
1693 I found that keeping your cool at all times is exhausting 1.2308 0.04272 117 92 23 2
1694 No one believes me that brain freezes are real. 1.2308 0.04970 104 84 16 4
1695 I've got something heavy on my mind and I just can't lick it. 1.2308 0.04970 104 84 16 4
1696 I think I'm becoming lactose intolerant 1.2308 0.05061 117 97 13 7
1697 Can you lick this problem? 1.2308 0.04761 117 95 17 5
1698 The other coneheads look down on me since I got a perm. 1.2308 0.05205 117 98 11 8
1699 I'm not the softee everyone makes me out to be. 1.2308 0.05431 91 74 13 4
1700 I can't stop this swirling effect 1.2308 0.04970 104 84 16 4
1701 In Sweden I'd be given social benefits for Ice Cream Syndrome minority. 1.2308 0.04441 117 93 21 3
1702 The last time I took a dip in chocolate, I was shamed for using blackface. 1.2308 0.04573 130 106 18 6
1703 So here’s the twist, doc… 1.2308 0.04579 104 82 20 2
1704 Well, I'm just tired of being soft serve. 1.2308 0.04779 104 83 18 3
1705 My last therapist wouldn’t let me anywhere near their furniture. What is this, suede? 1.2308 0.05431 91 74 13 4
1706 She asks where my heads at and I just freeze up! 1.2308 0.04761 117 95 17 5
1707 I had a meltdown. 1.2308 0.05155 104 85 14 5
1708 I just won the U.S. Open but they STILL call me soft serve. 1.2302 0.04241 126 100 23 3
1709 My brother always got 2 scoops 1.2302 0.04802 126 104 15 7
1710 They're all fair-weather friends. 1.2301 0.05030 113 93 14 6
1711 I have chronic brain freeze. 1.2301 0.04534 113 90 20 3
1712 Am I a racist for obsessing about how crunchy chocolate-topped scoops might have longer cones? 1.2301 0.05030 113 93 14 6
1713 The movie was one thing, but it was the SNL skits that created the lasting damage. 1.2301 0.05184 113 94 12 7
1714 You meant to say you want to pick my brain, right?!” (Note: I would like to italicize the word "pick" only, if that is an option. Thanks.) 1.2301 0.04534 113 90 20 3
1715 My wife says I'm nothing but a smoothie. 1.2301 0.04705 113 91 18 4
1716 Doctor, my brain is melting 1.2301 0.04870 113 92 16 5
1717 My wife assured me soft-serve was not going to be a deal breaker. 1.2301 0.04870 113 92 16 5
1718 People keep addressing me as Mr. Cohn. 1.2301 0.04870 113 92 16 5
1719 If only they hadn't named me "Dairy Queen." 1.2301 0.04870 113 92 16 5
1720 I got quite a licking when I returned home from the Barber Shop. 1.2301 0.05030 113 93 14 6
1721 I'm having trouble expressing my primal ice cream. 1.2301 0.03977 113 87 26 0
1722 I thought SNL would bring back the cone-heads 1.2301 0.04870 113 92 16 5
1723 And Dad said I wasn’t sprinkle worthy… 1.2301 0.04705 113 91 18 4
1724 Lately, it’s been a rocky road. 1.2301 0.04356 113 89 22 2
1725 It’s been so stressful, Doc. My mind is always in a state of McFlurry 1.2301 0.04356 113 89 22 2
1726 Climate anxiety is real 1.2301 0.05030 113 93 14 6
1727 I'm vulnerable to meltdowns. 1.2300 0.04462 100 78 21 1
1728 Dating has been a rocky road. She said I'm too vanilla! 1.2300 0.05291 100 82 13 5
1729 I think I have a brain freeze 1.2295 0.04769 122 100 16 6
1730 It's too hot for me to pretend anymore. 1.2294 0.04633 109 87 19 3
1731 This hair transplant has been a disaster! 1.2294 0.04986 109 89 15 5
1732 I can’t take it anymore. Everyone says I’m so vanilla. 1.2294 0.04250 109 85 23 1
1733 I practice shrinkflation for those suffering from smaller serving sizes this year 1.2294 0.04633 109 87 19 3
1734 I feel like I'm getting soft. 1.2294 0.04446 109 86 21 2
1735 Every time I try to talk to a good-looking gal, I literally freeze 1.2294 0.05154 109 90 13 6
1736 They say I’m too soft 1.2294 0.04633 109 87 19 3
1737 There's just no place for a plain vanilla guy anymore. 1.2294 0.04446 109 86 21 2
1738 I just can't seem to get the threat of global warming out of my head 1.2294 0.04986 109 89 15 5
1739 No, seriously…how else am I supposed to take it when she calls me “Mister Softee”? 1.2294 0.04986 109 89 15 5
1740 I’m a softie. Is that so wrong? 1.2292 0.05017 96 77 16 3
1741 Van life just isn't for me. 1.2292 0.05231 96 78 14 4
1742 She said I've lost my good humor and wants a split. 1.2288 0.05164 118 99 11 8
1743 I keep having the same dream. The president has one of me in each hand, and I can see my terror reflected in his aviators. 1.2288 0.05022 118 98 13 7
1744 Sorry, what was I saying? Brain freeze. 1.2288 0.04876 118 97 15 6
1745 Doc, I just found out that I'm lactose intolerant. 1.2288 0.04725 118 96 17 5
1746 Doctor… I just don’t understand why my brain is in a constant freeze… 1.2288 0.04408 118 94 21 3
1747 I used to be the cool guy. Now people just look at me and say they gain 20 pounds. That's pressure on a whole new level, doc. 1.2288 0.04725 118 96 17 5
1748 I feel like I'm just so VANILLA, you know? 1.2286 0.04928 105 85 16 4
1749 It’s just that I do all the work, and the Dairy QUEEN gets all the credit! 1.2286 0.05286 105 87 12 6
1750 The music follows me everywhere. 1.2286 0.04738 105 84 18 3
1751 I have a terrifying and repeating nightmare about global warming. 1.2286 0.05110 105 86 14 5
1752 I'm trying to do my job and then suddenly my brain just freezes. 1.2286 0.05110 105 86 14 5
1753 I think I'm soft in the head. 1.2283 0.04060 127 100 25 2
1754 How come you keep a giant fried egg in your office? 1.2283 0.05146 127 108 9 10
1755 I'm retiring, but can't decide on the Arctic or Antarctic. Does that make me bipolar? 1.2283 0.05150 92 74 15 3
1756 My mother was also a softie. 1.2281 0.04323 114 90 22 2
1757 Why do people scream when they could just ask quietly? 1.2281 0.04668 114 92 18 4
1758 Good humor? Good humor! That's the problem, isn't it, doc? That's always been the problem. 1.2281 0.04831 114 93 16 5
1759 Whenever I go outside, I start to melt down 1.2281 0.04499 114 91 20 3
1760 Well, I think you're just an ol' softee. 1.2281 0.04831 114 93 16 5
1761 They focus in my coldness, not my sweetness. 1.2281 0.04499 114 91 20 3
1762 She said she’s had it with the soft serve” 1.2281 0.04831 114 93 16 5
1763 So, I used the Viagra, and she still called me 'Mr. Softee." 1.2281 0.04990 114 94 14 6
1764 I just feel like life is licking me. 1.2281 0.04668 114 92 18 4
1765 How would you like to be told that 'soft serve' refers to a senior's tennis tournament? 1.2281 0.04831 114 93 16 5
1766 I thought I was an ice cream cone. 1.2281 0.04323 114 90 22 2
1767 She's on diet, again! 1.2281 0.04668 114 92 18 4
1768 Is this conversation under the cone of silence? 1.2277 0.04850 101 81 17 3
1769 Maybe I don’t want to be a king cone. 1.2277 0.05243 101 83 13 5
1770 Doc, my thoughts won't stop spiralling. 1.2276 0.04443 123 99 20 4
1771 Even my wife can't tolerate me. 1.2273 0.04595 110 88 19 3
1772 If only I'd picked the sugar cone . . . 1.2273 0.04410 110 87 21 2
1773 My life is swirling out of control. 1.2273 0.04014 110 85 25 0
1774 Everyone keeps telling me to chill, but I feel like I'm about to have a melt-down 1.2273 0.04773 110 89 17 4
1775 Before I knew it, she left me for an older guy, a popsicle?. 1.2273 0.04773 110 89 17 4
1776 I'm really getting worried about this global warming thing. 1.2273 0.04595 110 88 19 3
1777 Summers make me so sad! 1.2273 0.04246 132 106 22 4
1778 I keep waiting for the sprinkles that never came. 1.2273 0.04773 110 89 17 4
1779 Nobody is looking for soft skills anymore. 1.2269 0.04535 119 96 19 4
1780 People keep telling me that I’ve gone soft in the head! 1.2269 0.04375 119 95 21 3
1781 I don't think I can take and more licks! 1.2269 0.04535 119 96 19 4
1782 I hate that damn tune. 1.2269 0.04689 119 97 17 5
1783 Therapist: "I see you have an ice cream head. How does that make you feel?" Ice Cream Head: "Well, it's a rocky road, but I'm trying to stay cool!" 🍦😄 1.2269 0.04535 119 96 19 4
1784 She wants us to take a beach vacation... 1.2268 0.05386 97 80 12 5
1785 'It's all in my head?' That's the best you can do? Of course it's all in my head. 1.2268 0.05771 97 82 8 7
1786 Come to think of it, I guess I’ve always identified as more of a bowl than a cone. 1.2268 0.05386 97 80 12 5
1787 My waking nightmare is being chased down the block. 1.2268 0.05386 97 80 12 5
1788 Sprinkles? Jimmies? 1.2264 0.04886 106 86 16 4
1789 I’ve been licked all my life - first my dad, then the school bullies, now everyone I meet! 1.2264 0.05066 106 87 14 5
1790 Guess I've been a softie my whole life. 1.2264 0.05066 106 87 14 5
1791 I dreamt they dipped my head in a vat of chocolate. 1.2264 0.04503 106 84 20 2
1792 I keep having nightmares of being chased by a McDonald's worker. 1.2264 0.05240 106 88 12 6
1793 Enjoy it before it melts. Life. 1.2264 0.04886 106 86 16 4
1794 I’ve had thoughts about topping myself 1.2264 0.04698 106 85 18 3
1795 Keep a cool head, they said 1.2264 0.04299 106 83 22 1
1796 ...and that's how I had my first meltdown. 1.2264 0.05066 106 87 14 5
1797 They said I'd gone soft. 1.2261 0.04464 115 92 20 3
1798 Nobody wants plain vanilla any more. 1.2261 0.04631 115 93 18 4
1799 It all started as a simple brain freeze; what's next, sprinkles? 1.2261 0.04950 115 95 14 6
1800 The change of season is tough. 1.2261 0.04793 115 94 16 5
1801 My wife tells me I’m too soft. 1.2261 0.04631 115 93 18 4
1802 I started out as an ordinary conehead and then I froze. 1.2261 0.04464 115 92 20 3
1803 Even when I was little, they called me Mr. Softy 1.2261 0.04631 115 93 18 4
1804 I’d like to expand my horizons. But all my friends just want to meet me at DQ. 1.2261 0.04793 115 94 16 5
1805 My head swirls just thinking about your question. 1.2261 0.04793 115 94 16 5
1806 I struggle with thoughts of melting myself. 1.2258 0.04866 93 74 17 2
1807 I scream, you scream, we all scream... but what does any of it mean? 1.2258 0.05325 93 76 13 4
1808 My wife keeps calling me Mister Softee 1.2258 0.04260 124 99 22 3
1809 I’m afraid I won’t be able to keep a cool head. 1.2258 0.04411 124 100 20 4
1810 My father tells me I’m soft. 1.2258 0.04411 124 100 20 4
1811 Well Mr. Cone, this is certainly the most severe case of Brain-freeze that I have encountered. 1.2256 0.04218 133 107 22 4
1812 The screaming has finally taken its toll. 1.2255 0.04808 102 82 17 3
1813 My eyes are down here. 1.2255 0.04602 102 81 19 2
1814 Recently, I've felt frozen in time. 1.2255 0.04602 102 81 19 2
1815 My wife complains I'm too much of a softy. 1.2255 0.04602 102 81 19 2
1816 Mr. Softee” is my dad’s name. I wish sometimes they would just call me Steve. 1.2255 0.05729 102 87 7 8
1817 It’s just that… sometimes I want to be licked too 1.2255 0.04808 102 82 17 3
1818 Everyone talks about ice cream headaches, but no one talks about ice cream heartache. 1.2252 0.04904 111 91 15 5
1819 Even my friends call me Frosty. 1.2252 0.04375 111 88 21 2
1820 All my subordinates at work think i'm Mr Softee 1.2252 0.04735 111 90 17 4
1821 Even I don’t know the difference between cake or sugar cone. It’s like a USB cable, you never get it the first time. 1.2252 0.04558 111 89 19 3
1822 Everybody just thinks I'm a Softee... 1.2250 0.04178 120 95 23 2
1823 I just want a little sparkle in my life 1.2250 0.04654 120 98 17 5
1824 I'm starting to think this constant brain freeze is psychological, Doctor." 1.2250 0.04501 120 97 19 4
1825 I just can’t keep up with these seasonal flavors 1.2248 0.04296 129 104 21 4
1826 We almost came to blows, but cooler heads prevailed. 1.2247 0.05478 89 73 12 4
1827 I’m not soft serve, I’m frozen custard, damn it! 1.2247 0.05240 89 72 14 3
1828 The irony is that I'm hard on myself. 1.2247 0.05707 89 74 10 5
1829 Nobody licks me. 1.2245 0.05335 98 81 12 5
1830 No, more like a brain freeze than a brain fog... 1.2245 0.05335 98 81 12 5
1831 (Sigh) Just seems like soft serve is a thing of the past. 1.2245 0.05135 98 80 14 4
1832 They scream for more of me and then blame me for their headaches. 1.2245 0.05716 98 83 8 7
1833 I can't seem to lick it. 1.2245 0.04925 98 79 16 3
1834 Brain freeze? Is that the same thing as writer's block? 1.2243 0.04659 107 86 18 3
1835 Everyone thinks I'm just an old Softee! 1.2243 0.04466 107 85 20 2
1836 I’m just liked, Doctor. 1.2243 0.04659 107 86 18 3
1837 I just wish I could lick my problem. 1.2243 0.04844 107 87 16 4
1838 So I make one little mistake with my hair and now everyone thinks I'm a softy. 1.2243 0.04659 107 86 18 3
1839 But Doctor, I am ice cream. 1.2243 0.04466 107 85 20 2
1840 I have this recurring dream where everyone's screaming my name and I completely freeze up. 1.2243 0.05023 107 88 14 5
1841 Well, I'll be dipped! 1.2243 0.04844 107 87 16 4
1842 She said I'm Mr. Softee in the streets AND in the sheets 1.2241 0.04756 116 95 16 5
1843 No one does lactose anymore. 1.2241 0.03889 116 90 26 0
1844 Sometimes I feel like I’m too much of a Softee 1.2241 0.04756 116 95 16 5
1845 My stomach is churning. 1.2241 0.04257 116 92 22 2
1846 I'm constantly in a state of meltdown. 1.2240 0.04524 125 102 18 5
1847 Doctor, I know this is more than an ordinary head cold. 1.2234 0.05691 94 79 9 6
1848 She said she wanted someone with more dough. 1.2234 0.05486 94 78 11 5
1849 I've always wanted to be Mr. Potatohead, but at my age, I'm sure it will never happen! 1.2234 0.05052 94 76 15 3
1850 Wherever I go, I get licked. 1.2234 0.04820 94 75 17 2
1851 Please lower the thermostat, I don't really want my head to shrink. 1.2234 0.05052 94 76 15 3
1852 I was born a soft serve,but I always felt I was a gelato. 1.2234 0.05486 94 78 11 5
1853 I feel the name Mr. Softee weighs against my chances for a successful relationship. 1.2233 0.04962 103 84 15 4
1854 My wife says I'm a soft serve. 1.2233 0.04766 103 83 17 3
1855 I'm in crisis, Doc. I can't go through a full session without suffering a complete meltdown. 1.2232 0.04865 112 92 15 5
1856 Phallic symbol? It’s just vanilla soft serve, Doc 1.2232 0.04522 112 90 19 3
1857 Doctor, I feel my life is so vanilla. 1.2232 0.04865 112 92 15 5
1858 I had another dream about global warming." 1.2232 0.04522 112 90 19 3
1859 I have this recurring nightmare about a cow lick. 1.2232 0.05027 112 93 13 6
1860 nobody screams for ice cream anymore 1.2232 0.05027 112 93 13 6
1861 Your rug triggers me. 1.2231 0.04766 121 100 15 6
1862 The constant brain freeze is driving me crazy! 1.2231 0.04467 121 98 19 4
1863 I wanted to be a professional tennis player,but never made because of my soft serve. 1.2222 0.05663 99 84 8 7
1864 Let me just get straight to the pint 1.2222 0.05423 90 74 12 4
1865 They used to always tell me that too much ice cream goes right to your ass. 1.2222 0.04620 108 87 18 3
1866 I try to appear strong and masculine, but people still call me Mister Softee. 1.2222 0.04620 108 87 18 3
1867 I'm a full human being with a complex inner life, but all everyone wants is to lick my head 1.2222 0.04981 108 89 14 5
1868 All my co-workers call me a softy. 1.2222 0.04665 99 79 18 2
1869 It’s like half of me wants to completely start over and half of me is butter pecan. 1.2222 0.05478 99 83 10 6
1870 I'm attracted to popsicles AND cones just like me. Does that make me bipolar? 1.2222 0.04719 117 96 16 5
1871 I worry constantly about meltdowns. 1.2222 0.04719 117 96 16 5
1872 Everyone keeps judging me by my flavour… 1.2222 0.04560 117 95 18 4
1873 LGBT+ won't include DQ. 1.2222 0.04719 117 96 16 5
1874 I can't get any sleep with that damn jingle stuck in my head. 1.2222 0.04804 108 88 16 4
1875 And on Thursdays, chocolate. 1.2222 0.04019 108 84 24 0
1876 I have an obsessive urge to dip my head in chocolate sauce. 1.2222 0.05021 117 98 12 7
1877 I feel like I'm whipped. 1.2222 0.04225 117 93 22 2
1878 There are a lot of things swirling around in here. 1.2222 0.05423 90 74 12 4
1879 I have a deep fear of being dipped in chocolate syrup. 1.2222 0.05188 90 73 14 3
1880 I know I'm largely responsible for my situation, but I've also had a lot of bad licks in my life! 1.2222 0.04719 117 96 16 5
1881 It's the sun that I fear 1.2222 0.04046 126 100 24 2
1882 I keep having the same dream — I’m late for social studies class and all of my sprinkles are falling off.” 1.2222 0.05087 99 81 14 4
1883 I don't know doc, I'm just licked. 1.2222 0.04665 99 79 18 2
1884 She let her dog lick me 1.2222 0.04873 117 97 14 6
1885 …and then she tells me im ‘too vanilla’, whatever that means… 1.2222 0.04873 117 97 14 6
1886 I just don't understand it Doc, why does every girl I meet just wanna Lick My Head?" /S 1.2222 0.04200 126 101 22 3
1887 Sometimes I want to get a little hot under the collar, but I always have to keep a cool head. 1.2212 0.04659 113 92 17 4
1888 My friends all say I have a frosty temperament. 1.2212 0.04306 113 90 21 2
1889 It all started when I was four, and mother wouldn't let me get dipped in chocolate. 1.2212 0.04825 113 93 15 5
1890 So as summer gets closer, I cant shake this feeling of inexorable death 1.2212 0.04659 113 92 17 4
1891 I've always felt inferior to hand-dipped. 1.2212 0.05105 104 86 13 5
1892 My problem is very vanilla! 1.2212 0.04523 104 83 19 2
1893 So now you're going to tell me brain freeze is normal? 1.2212 0.04918 104 85 15 4
1894 Maybe I'm just a little bit too vanilla? 1.2212 0.04918 104 85 15 4
1895 My mind just keeps swirling. 1.2212 0.04523 104 83 19 2
1896 my mind's a swirl Doctor... and it's weighing me down! 1.2212 0.04918 104 85 15 4
1897 I can’t lick this obsession 1.2211 0.05635 95 80 9 6
1898 Of course I'm depressed. You try to meet women when your name is Mr. Softee. 1.2211 0.04775 95 76 17 2
1899 I always start feeling less desirable at the end of summer. 1.2211 0.05004 95 77 15 3
1900 I'm trying to understand why every time I'm asked a question, my brain just freezes. 1.2211 0.05635 95 80 9 6
1901 It started when they shortened my name to Frogurt. 1.2209 0.05825 86 72 9 5
1902 My wife told me she’s lactose intolerant. 1.2209 0.05585 86 71 11 4
1903 I’m passing as ice cream, but I’m really soft yogurt. 1.2209 0.05335 86 70 13 3
1904 I’m afraid if I let anyone get too close, they’ll consume me. 1.2209 0.05585 86 71 11 4
1905 With a name like Mr. Softee, of course I have relationship issues. 1.2203 0.04683 118 97 16 5
1906 And last night in bed, my wife called me Mister Softee. 1.2203 0.04835 118 98 14 6
1907 Thanks for closing the blinds 1.2203 0.04193 118 94 22 2
1908 It's all swirling around up there. 1.2203 0.04683 118 97 16 5
1909 I just feel like everything I’ve achieved might be melting away. 1.2202 0.04582 109 88 18 3
1910 I get brain freeze all the time. 1.2202 0.04582 109 88 18 3
1911 It's everyone's intolerance that gets me down - lactose,in particular. 1.2202 0.04939 109 90 14 5
1912 I keep worrying about hot weather. 1.2202 0.04764 109 89 16 4
1913 My parents were polar opposites — chocolate and vanilla. 1.2202 0.04939 109 90 14 5
1914 It just kills the mood when she calls me Mr. Softee. 1.2202 0.04939 109 90 14 5
1915 So then my kid said, "You have no idea how hard it is to be a chocolate-vanilla swirl." 1.2202 0.05108 109 91 12 6
1916 ...and if that isn't enough, I'm fat free, sugar free and non-GMO. 1.2202 0.04939 109 90 14 5
1917 It's pronounced Soft - Tay. Why is that so hard for everyone to understand? 1.2202 0.04939 109 90 14 5
1918 But how can I be a Softee with a heart this cold? 1.2202 0.04764 109 89 16 4
1919 The Viagara is not helping 1.2202 0.04764 109 89 16 4
1920 Well, it happened again. Can you prescribe me some Viagra? 1.2202 0.04764 109 89 16 4
1921 I’m having panic attacks about global warming 1.2200 0.05041 100 82 14 4
1922 They all ask like I'm supposed to know - sprinkles or jimmies, sprinkles or jimmies?! 1.2200 0.05041 100 82 14 4
1923 Ugh. By the end of the day I feel licked. 1.2200 0.04399 100 79 20 1
1924 Well, summer is over, so what good am I? 1.2200 0.05041 100 82 14 4
1925 Why didn’t she tell me she was lactose intolerant BEFORE the wedding?? 1.2200 0.05041 100 82 14 4
1926 I thought I had a twisted mind, but it turns out I’m just vanilla 1.2200 0.05041 100 82 14 4
1927 I’m tired of everyone being intolerant of me, like just chill out 1.2200 0.04623 100 80 18 2
1928 I’ve got brain freeze and I’m obsessed with ice cream. I need help. 1.2198 0.04893 91 73 16 2
1929 Why do I always have to wear a suit? 1.2198 0.05136 91 74 14 3
1930 My wife says I’m getting soft in the head. 1.2198 0.05136 91 74 14 3
1931 I am not a Conehead but I am from France. 1.2198 0.05591 91 76 10 5
1932 Can you change my flavor? 1.2198 0.05136 91 74 14 3
1933 I keep having a nightmare that a child kisses me and my head falls off and splats on the ground. 1.2198 0.05369 91 75 12 4
1934 Doctor , everyone wants to put their nuts on my head . 1.2195 0.04695 123 102 15 6
1935 I'm a cold person and I think that is affecting my relationships. 1.2193 0.04622 114 93 17 4
1936 I don’t know, Doc. Do you think I’m a little soft in the head? 1.2193 0.04622 114 93 17 4
1937 Thoughts keep Swirling in my head, Doc. 1.2193 0.05101 114 96 11 7
1938 ...and then my mother who kept calling me 'sorbet'... 1.2193 0.04787 114 94 15 5
1939 Doc something is eating away at me and is it hot in here or just me. 1.2193 0.04622 114 93 17 4
1940 I have nightmares about tongues. 1.2190 0.05060 105 87 13 5
1941 Sometimes I feel like I’m the opposite of Pavlov’s dog because whenever I hear a bell I imagine others salivating. 1.2190 0.04876 105 86 15 4
1942 I feel like I’m getting a brain freeze. 1.2190 0.04876 105 86 15 4
1943 The problem is that she is hot 1.2190 0.05060 105 87 13 5
1944 I’ve just always felt more like a cup than a cone” 1.2190 0.04876 105 86 15 4
1945 I just want to enjoy one sunny day without a meltdown. 1.2190 0.04485 105 84 19 2
1946 it all started when my father refused to take me to the circus. 1.2190 0.05410 105 89 9 7
1947 I am a child of divorce, and now my wife wants a custardy battle over the kids. 1.2188 0.05173 96 79 13 4
1948 I am ice cream, but I identify as frozen yogurt. 1.2188 0.04957 96 78 15 3
1949 The problem is, when I focus on my state of mind, my state of matter deteriorates. 1.2188 0.05173 96 79 13 4
1950 I prefer frigid women 1.2188 0.04957 96 78 15 3
1951 I can’t stay focused on anything. It’s like constant brain freeze. 1.2188 0.04428 128 105 18 5
1952 I feel like I'm having a meltdown. 1.2188 0.04957 96 78 15 3
1953 Doctor, you've got to help me, I think I'm on the verge of a melt-down! 1.2188 0.05581 96 81 9 6
1954 I was born a conehead... 1.2188 0.05173 96 79 13 4
1955 The hate from the lactose intolerant community has just been getting to me lately 1.2188 0.05173 96 79 13 4
1956 I've suffered a total meltdown. 1.2188 0.05173 96 79 13 4
1957 To be honest doc, it makes me feel cold. 1.2188 0.04730 96 77 17 2
1958 Am I too much of a softee? 1.2185 0.04647 119 98 16 5
1959 If I could only develop a shell, it won't hurt so much when everyone calls me a softie. 1.2184 0.04746 87 69 17 1
1960 There just seems to be so much lactose intolerance in this world 1.2182 0.04545 110 89 18 3
1961 It's just so hard, Doctor. 1.2182 0.04357 110 88 20 2
1962 it's odd...even Mr. Trump didn't seem to think it was ridiculous! 1.2182 0.04725 110 90 16 4
1963 I feel the whole world's out to lick me. 1.2182 0.04357 110 88 20 2
1964 I can do hard things 1.2182 0.04898 110 91 14 5
1965 I just feel different then everybody, ya know? Like I’ll never find my Mrs. Softee 1.2182 0.04725 110 90 16 4
1966 I’ve learned to accept that my mother was lactose intolerant. 1.2178 0.04996 101 83 14 4
1967 I worry about getting too soft. 1.2178 0.04794 101 82 16 3
1968 My wife .complains that I twist things in my head 1.2178 0.04794 101 82 16 3
1969 Admit it. You want to spoon me." 1.2178 0.04361 101 80 20 1
1970 Dan Aykroyd and Jane Curtin had it all wrong. 1.2178 0.04996 101 83 14 4
1971 I am afraid I have gone soft in the head 1.2178 0.04582 101 81 18 2
1972 Then I woke up with this bag of potatoes on my head 1.2174 0.04749 115 95 15 5
1973 I just can’t take the lickings anymore. 1.2174 0.04749 115 95 15 5
1974 And when she does that, I just melt. 1.2174 0.04592 92 73 18 1
1975 My brain is frozen. 1.2174 0.04585 115 94 17 4
1976 My past? You mean before the blizzard? 1.2174 0.05315 92 76 12 4
1977 Are you saying this unrelenting craving is all in my head? 1.2174 0.05315 92 76 12 4
1978 Wherever I go, they just keep screaming my name 1.2174 0.05315 92 76 12 4
1979 It’s always about Mr. Softee the truck and never Mr. Softee the man, you know? 1.2171 0.04397 129 106 18 5
1980 I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream… and then I wake up, sweating. 1.2170 0.04834 106 87 15 4
1981 Let’s see, your wife is cherry berry smash and you are plain vanilla. Perhaps the two of you are simply not compatible. 1.2170 0.04645 106 86 17 3
1982 She wanted a banana split. 1.2170 0.05017 106 88 13 5
1983 Mister Softee doesn’t have the same ring in bed. 1.2170 0.05017 106 88 13 5
1984 How long do you think that I will survive in the Middle East? 1.2170 0.05017 106 88 13 5
1985 Its really hard to find love when your name is Mister Softee 1.2170 0.04645 106 86 17 3
1986 CONE HEAD DOC? 1.2170 0.04447 106 85 19 2
1987 An awkward cone of silence. 1.2170 0.04645 106 86 17 3
1988 My story has a twist. 1.2170 0.04834 106 87 15 4
1989 She ended it and said it was because I am so Vanilla. 1.2170 0.04645 106 86 17 3
1990 I may be vanilla, Doc, but she’s the one making our life a rocky road. 1.2170 0.05193 106 89 11 6
1991 I have gone soft 1.2170 0.04240 106 84 21 1
1992 She says I give her brain freeze. 1.2170 0.04240 106 84 21 1
1993 Last night I dreamt I was a doughnut. 1.2170 0.05193 106 89 11 6
1994 My father, Beldar, keeps telling me I’m from Remulak but I look nothing like my sister, Connie 1.2170 0.04834 106 87 15 4
1995 They keep telling me that cooler heads will prevail. . . 1.2170 0.04645 106 86 17 3
1996 well off the top of my head..... 1.2169 0.05156 83 67 14 2
1997 Actually Doc it’s been hard being a softy! 1.2169 0.05156 83 67 14 2
1998 Women seem interested until they hear what my name is. 1.2167 0.04611 120 99 16 5
1999 People say I have a vanilla personality. 1.2165 0.04687 97 78 17 2
2000 Sure, I am cooler than Mr. Potato Head, but I am concerned about my life span 1.2165 0.05330 97 81 11 5
2001 People think I'm too soft. 1.2165 0.04452 97 77 19 1
2002 My wife forgot to buy sprinkles. I feel neglected at home. 1.2165 0.04687 97 78 17 2
2003 They won’t let me go topless. 1.2165 0.04452 97 77 19 1
2004 She said I was vanilla, as if *she’s* so exciting! 1.2165 0.04910 97 79 15 3
2005 Well it all started when the refrigerator broke and the ice cream started to melt 1.2165 0.04910 97 79 15 3
2006 No matter how hard I try, I feel I'm licked. 1.2162 0.04322 111 89 20 2
2007 That tune. That twinkly, tingling tune. It's driving me crazy. 1.2162 0.04858 111 92 14 5
2008 ED can have many causes. 1.2162 0.04686 111 91 16 4
2009 Having a meltdown on a monday. 1.2162 0.04322 111 89 20 2
2010 My biggest fear is diabetes" 1.2162 0.04686 111 91 16 4
2011 Why does everyone assume that I'm a softy? 1.2162 0.04508 111 90 18 3
2012 You might see me as well-rounded, but I'm not so sure. 1.2162 0.04686 111 91 16 4
2013 As soon as one of us falls to the floor, that's when you realize you're replaceable. 1.2162 0.04858 111 92 14 5
2014 I really long for a 6-pack. 1.2162 0.04508 111 90 18 3
2015 … every day is bad, but Sundaes are the worst. 1.2160 0.04763 125 105 13 7
2016 Mr. Milquetoast is much better. 1.2160 0.04763 125 105 13 7
2017 Is it fair to say your mind feels like it’s… swirling? 1.2160 0.04187 125 101 21 3
2018 I feel warm. Was Mr. Potato Head just here? 1.2159 0.05225 88 72 13 3
2019 It doesn't matter if I'm up for the fight, I always end up being licked!... 1.2157 0.05144 102 85 12 5
2020 ‘“I’m afraid if I get a bad licking in this election I’ll completely lose my head.” 1.2157 0.04951 102 84 14 4
2021 Just tell me, doc, if brain freeze is real. 1.2157 0.04751 102 83 16 3
2022 I scream. You scream. We all scream. 1.2157 0.05144 102 85 12 5
2023 Actually, I am defined by other people's choices. 1.2157 0.04951 102 84 14 4
2024 It's hereditary...my maternal grandfather lost his jimmies too. 1.2157 0.04542 102 82 18 2
2025 I just don't know ... it's just ... ever since I watched 'the Wizzard of Oz', a plain vanilla life as the guy with a swirl on top just seems now so less certain. 1.2157 0.04323 102 81 20 1
2026 I feel that I’m constantly being followed. 1.2157 0.04542 102 82 18 2
2027 It's like when you drink a milkshake too fast...but ALL THE TIME. 1.2157 0.04951 102 84 14 4
2028 They always go in with tongue! 1.2155 0.04711 116 96 15 5
2029 I'm tired of guys saying they can lick me. 1.2155 0.04207 116 93 21 2
2030 People say I'm too vanilla. 1.2155 0.04382 116 94 19 3
2031 I've always been a softy, even though I try to play it cool. 1.2155 0.04868 116 97 13 6
2032 I always have the same dream. I’m a stamp. 1.2151 0.05481 93 78 10 5
2033 She says I'm too sweet for my own good. 1.2151 0.05481 93 78 10 5
2034 Darn, I can't remember what I was going to say. It's like my brain just froze up. 1.2151 0.04798 93 75 16 2
2035 My thoughts are just constantly swirling around up there. 1.2151 0.04798 93 75 16 2
2036 I think your having a meltdown 1.2150 0.04793 107 88 15 4
2037 All the women, they never look below the neck. 1.2150 0.03990 107 84 23 0
2038 Beyond this soft exterior, I have a cold, frozen heart. 1.2150 0.04974 107 89 13 5
2039 I always just have meltdowns. 1.2150 0.04974 107 89 13 5
2040 First, they came for the Slushies, but I was not a Slushy... 1.2150 0.04605 107 87 17 3
2041 I just can't shake this brain freeze, doc. 1.2150 0.04410 107 86 19 2
2042 “Yes, I know that’s my name but every time she calls me that, I feel inadequate.” 1.2150 0.05316 107 91 9 7
2043 I hope you give a lick about what I'm saying. 1.2150 0.04793 107 88 15 4
2044 My arthritis, I can't put the cherry on top." 1.2150 0.04793 107 88 15 4
2045 Frozen Yogurt got promoted again. 1.2150 0.04793 107 88 15 4
2046 My problems feel so vanilla. 1.2149 0.04424 121 99 18 4
2047 Um, no. Not Hardee’s. It’s just Softee—Mr. Softee. 1.2149 0.04577 121 100 16 5
2048 I’m not sure therapy is helping me. 1.2149 0.04424 121 99 18 4
2049 I can't get that stupid song out of my head. 1.2149 0.04265 121 98 20 3
2050 I've been trying for decades, but can't think of any other songs. 1.2143 0.05077 98 81 13 4
2051 But I wanted to be chocolate! 1.2143 0.04288 112 90 20 2
2052 It's just that being lactose intolerant is killing my dreams 1.2143 0.04818 112 93 14 5
2053 People think I'm soft. 1.2143 0.04865 98 80 15 3
2054 Well... mother was a diary farmer and father was a drag queen. 1.2143 0.05077 98 81 13 4
2055 I only ever wanted a few sprinkles to be happy 1.2143 0.04865 98 80 15 3
2056 Even a bent carrot gets more respect than I do. 1.2143 0.04096 112 89 22 1
2057 In summer I do suffer meltdowns but in winter I’m rock solid. 1.2143 0.05077 98 81 13 4
2058 Intimacy? No, not really. She just licks her fingers after fondling my curls. 1.2143 0.04472 112 91 18 3
2059 I’m a hothead. 1.2143 0.04644 98 79 17 2
2060 He called me a conehead! Judah Hare, Berlin, VT, age 13 1.2143 0.04818 112 93 14 5
2061 No...I still think being a Conehead is cool. But not this kind. 1.2143 0.05280 98 82 11 5
2062 And truly,all I have ever wanted is to be licked,I mean liked. 1.2143 0.04452 126 104 17 5
2063 It's the screaming. 1.2143 0.05375 84 69 12 3
2064 I just feel totally whipped 1.2143 0.05077 98 81 13 4
2065 I scream and I scream and I scream, and still the children come 1.2143 0.04865 98 80 15 3
2066 «all these years being called soft, has made me question who i really am » 1.2143 0.04818 112 93 14 5
2067 I want to top myself. 1.2143 0.05077 98 81 13 4
2068 Now she says she realizes she's lactose intolerant. 1.2137 0.04348 117 95 19 3
2069 So you 1.2136 0.04503 103 83 18 2
2070 Oh… I hated my mother… She was a cow 1.2136 0.05281 103 87 10 6
2071 All my dates want to do is lick my head! 1.2136 0.04709 103 84 16 3
2072 Don’t sugar cone it doc 1.2136 0.04907 103 85 14 4
2073 I don’t understand. My Wife and Kids don’t think I’m cool anymore. 1.2136 0.04058 103 81 22 0
2074 I feel really insecure with climate warming. 1.2136 0.04907 103 85 14 4
2075 I'm just tired of people taking their licks 1.2136 0.04503 103 83 18 2
2076 I just don’t feel like myself lately. 1.2136 0.04907 103 85 14 4
2077 It feels like I always have an ice cream headache. 1.2136 0.04286 103 82 20 1
2078 This happens every fall. I just feel unwanted, Doc. If only I were like pumpkin spice 1.2136 0.05281 103 87 10 6
2079 No, my problem is more than brain freeze. 1.2135 0.04918 89 72 15 2
2080 The phrase "global warming" gives me anxiety attacks. 1.2131 0.04689 122 102 14 6
2081 Now that we're back in the office, everyone wants to bite my head off." 1.2130 0.04567 108 88 17 3
2082 People say I’m cold but I starting to think it’s all in my head? 1.2130 0.04753 108 89 15 4
2083 I'm not only Mr. Softy up there. 1.2130 0.04753 108 89 15 4
2084 I just feel like I'm such a big softie. 1.2130 0.04567 108 88 17 3
2085 . . . and then they all screamed for ice cream. 1.2130 0.04567 108 88 17 3
2086 I feel like I'm melting from the inside. 1.2130 0.04753 108 89 15 4
2087 It was just the way she said ‘vanilla’ 1.2130 0.04567 108 88 17 3
2088 I’m just a mess. 1.2130 0.04373 108 87 19 2
2089 I can't remember the last time I thought about sprinkles. 1.2128 0.04987 94 77 14 3
2090 ... and worst of all, I have a headache that just won't go away. 1.2128 0.04987 94 77 14 3
2091 I had this dream where I was Cherry Garcia. 1.2128 0.05212 94 78 12 4
2092 ...and then I fall to the pavement, where a dog starts licking me greedily with his tongue..... 1.2128 0.04752 94 76 16 2
2093 How do you think it makes me feel when she calls me Mr. Softee in bed? 1.2128 0.04987 94 77 14 3
2094 I worry all the time about global warming 1.2128 0.05212 94 78 12 4
2095 I guess it's because my mother never breast fed me 1.2128 0.05212 94 78 12 4
2096 Hot Fudge slipped away and was all over Miss Softee. 1.2126 0.03973 127 102 23 2
2097 All I ever wanted was to be Dairy King. 1.2125 0.05245 80 65 13 2
2098 I feel I’m getting soft. 1.2124 0.04254 113 91 20 2
2099 I just can't keep these all crazy thoughts from swirling around in my head. 1.2124 0.04254 113 91 20 2
2100 The nickname “Mr. Softee” hasn’t helped me at the mixers. 1.2124 0.04254 113 91 20 2
2101 I bet even your thinking of licking me 1.2124 0.04779 113 94 14 5
2102 But when I try to talk to her, I just melt. 1.2124 0.04436 113 92 18 3
2103 I feel a meltdown is coming. 1.2121 0.05030 99 82 13 4
2104 Coconut Vanilla to be precise 1.2121 0.04602 99 80 17 2
2105 I take the drugs, but my erection melts too quickly. 1.2121 0.04821 99 81 15 3
2106 At first I just thought it was a head cold. 1.2121 0.04821 99 81 15 3
2107 She said I’m too much of a softie… 1.2121 0.04821 99 81 15 3
2108 My wife says I'm an old softie 1.2121 0.04821 99 81 15 3
2109 Just because I'm 'Mr Frosty' at work doesn't mean I'm not emotionally connected at home 1.2119 0.04315 118 96 19 3
2110 It started in the groin area ... 1.2119 0.04315 118 96 19 3
2111 And all this time I thought I had tinnitus. 1.2118 0.05317 85 70 12 3
2112 All of a sudden my wife is allergic to dairy. 1.2118 0.05317 85 70 12 3
2113 She left me for a guy with sprinkles. 1.2115 0.04864 104 86 14 4
2114 Of course it's my mother's fault. She's the one who kept telling me, "If you keep eating so much ice cream your head will turn into a giant ice cream cone!" 1.2115 0.05234 104 88 10 6
2115 Yeah, well I have brain freeze all the time! 1.2115 0.04464 104 84 18 2
2116 Doc... it's tough to date being called Mr. Softee!" 1.2115 0.04668 104 85 16 3
2117 I can't figure out why I keep getting these headaches? 1.2114 0.04654 123 103 14 6
2118 She even told me that she had worked at an ice cream parlor, and I still let her do my hair. What was I thinking?! 1.2111 0.05119 90 74 13 3
2119 'Doc, am I wrong to think that a meltdown is inevitable?' 1.2111 0.05585 90 76 9 5
2120 Yes,but everyone keeps licking my head. What can I do? 1.2111 0.05119 90 74 13 3
2121 I never get the scoop. 1.2111 0.05585 90 76 9 5
2122 Do YOU think I look like Matt Gaetz? 1.2111 0.05357 90 75 11 4
2123 Our time together is my only cone-solation. 1.2111 0.04326 90 71 19 0
2124 Sure, I’ve come a long way since my hothead days but I assure you it’s no linear process 1.2111 0.04605 90 72 17 1
2125 It's weird but I feel like I have brain freeze all the time. 1.2111 0.05119 90 74 13 3
2126 Okay go ahead have a taste. 1.2110 0.04529 109 89 17 3
2127 You’re being way to hard on yourself Mr. Softy ! 1.2110 0.04337 109 88 19 2
2128 Everybody says I'm too soft. 1.2110 0.04529 109 89 17 3
2129 It's like I have this feeling that my season is coming to an end... 1.2110 0.04529 109 89 17 3
2130 My barber says I am using way too much gel. 1.2110 0.05386 109 94 7 8
2131 My whole family was lactose intolerant. 1.2110 0.04529 109 89 17 3
2132 I’m sick nd tired of getting licked in every Primary. 1.2110 0.04713 109 90 15 4
2133 Being called Mr. Softy on your honeymoon has a lasting impact! 1.2110 0.04890 109 91 13 5
2134 She says I’m just vanilla. 1.2110 0.04529 109 89 17 3
2135 ...And like that, the judge told me I'd been served. A soft sentence, but still. 1.2110 0.04529 109 89 17 3
2136 We have a mixed marriage,and our kids are teased because they swirl. 1.2105 0.04463 95 76 18 1
2137 Am I wrong in wanting people to know that I am the original Conehead? 1.2105 0.04940 95 78 14 3
2138 I didn't end well. She told me I was too vanilla for her and I just froze. 1.2105 0.04901 114 96 12 6
2139 I’m having thoughts about jumping in a hot tub. 1.2105 0.04401 114 93 18 3
2140 People keep saying it's only going to get harder, you know? But it doesn't. 1.2105 0.04032 114 91 22 1
2141 I don't know why Doc,I have always had this horrible feeling that people want to lick me. 1.2105 0.04940 95 78 14 3
2142 I just don’t fit in with the other coneheads. 1.2105 0.05161 95 79 12 4
2143 And here I thought I was THE Queen! 1.2105 0.04401 114 93 18 3
2144 Everyone just wants a bite. 1.2105 0.04708 95 77 16 2
2145 I’m normally cool headed. But I screamed at the barber the other day when he tried to give me a buzz cut. 1.2105 0.04940 95 78 14 3
2146 It just hasn't been the same since Sprinkles left. 1.2101 0.04755 119 100 13 6
2147 My thoughts are all twisted. 1.2100 0.04777 100 82 15 3
2148 You try going through life as Mister Softee. 1.2100 0.04777 100 82 15 3
2149 …and I was the 32nd flavor. 1.2100 0.04560 100 81 17 2
2150 Do you think my intermittent rage disorder is caused by a mono and diglyceride imbalance. 1.2100 0.04777 100 82 15 3
2151 Actually,the brain freeze I can handle, but the constant drip, drip, drip, is driving me crazy. 1.2100 0.04777 100 82 15 3
2152 I’m all Twisted up inside . . . 1.2100 0.04777 100 82 15 3
2153 And on top of it all, turns out I'm lactose intolerant. 1.2100 0.05183 100 84 11 5
2154 I have a fear of being dipped!? 1.2100 0.04777 100 82 15 3
2155 My impotence was so bad they called me ‘Mister Softy.’ 1.2100 0.04560 100 81 17 2
2156 Would you kindly use a different first question next session instead of your usual "What's the scoop this week?" 1.2100 0.04984 100 83 13 4
2157 For some reason, Doc, I've always felt like a real drip. 1.2099 0.05476 81 67 11 3
2158 I've had brain freeze since the summer. 1.2097 0.04172 124 101 20 3
2159 My girlfriend is lactose-intolerant. 1.2095 0.04628 105 86 16 3
2160 It’s not easy being called a Softee 1.2095 0.04628 105 86 16 3
2161 I have a tongue phobia 1.2095 0.04822 105 87 14 4
2162 In a twist, I learned that my father is really frozen custard. 1.2095 0.04822 105 87 14 4
2163 The other men in the E.D. support group said I was cramping their mojo." 1.2095 0.04426 105 85 18 2
2164 I worry the curl on top makes me look gay. 1.2095 0.04822 105 87 14 4
2165 I can’t concentrate. Everything is a swirl! 1.2095 0.04628 105 86 16 3
2166 The jingle is making me crazy 1.2095 0.04214 105 84 20 1
2167 The voices in my head Keep telling me, I can run for President in 2024 1.2095 0.05008 105 88 12 5
2168 I can hear you drooling. 1.2095 0.05008 105 88 12 5
2169 She didn't object to my coldness. She couldn't stand my twisted personality 1.2095 0.04822 105 87 14 4
2170 And then my Dairy Queen left me 1.2095 0.05008 105 88 12 5
2171 I used to be so smooth. 1.2095 0.04426 105 85 18 2
2172 She says I'm just a softie, too vanilla. But all I want to be is sweet. 1.2095 0.04426 105 85 18 2
2173 I just went cold after she left. 1.2095 0.04214 105 84 20 1
2174 I'm really depressed as everyone keeps calling me a big dip! 1.2093 0.05261 86 71 12 3
2175 .............. sorry, brain freeze." 1.2093 0.04994 86 70 14 2
2176 Mr. Cone, perhaps they’re screaming FOR you and not AT you. 1.2091 0.04492 110 90 17 3
2177 The truth is my mother was a dip. 1.2091 0.04849 110 92 13 5
2178 Maybe I’m not warm and fuzzy but I’m certainly not frosty. 1.2091 0.04492 110 90 17 3
2179 I just want the headaches to stop. 1.2091 0.04674 110 91 15 4
2180 I feel I am always hounded for the latest scoop... 1.2091 0.04674 110 91 15 4
2181 I always thought it was good to be cool headed. 1.2091 0.04674 110 91 15 4
2182 I can't get over the feeling that my life is just melting away 1.2091 0.04849 110 92 13 5
2183 I tell ya, doc, I know when I'm licked. 1.2091 0.05182 110 94 9 7
2184 My head isn’t the problem Doc, it’s my soggy bottom. 1.2091 0.04302 110 89 19 2
2185 Sometimes I think I've gone too soft. 1.2088 0.05745 91 78 7 6
2186 'I think I'm having a meltdown!' 1.2088 0.05068 91 75 13 3
2187 I think I may be transgender! 1.2088 0.05068 91 75 13 3
2188 Well doc, you're in for a real treat today. 1.2088 0.05303 91 76 11 4
2189 I can’t stop thinking about sprinkles. 1.2088 0.04821 91 74 15 2
2190 I love popsicles AND cones like me. Does that make me bipolar? 1.2087 0.04537 115 95 16 4
2191 …but I do try to assert myself! 1.2087 0.04366 115 94 18 3
2192 They’re all self-serving these days 1.2087 0.04703 115 96 14 5
2193 So this global warming thing…do you think it’s serious? 1.2087 0.04537 115 95 16 4
2194 Does my hair look okay? 1.2087 0.04703 115 96 14 5
2195 I just don’t know who I am. A cup? A cone? 1.2083 0.05112 96 80 12 4
2196 So you think my partner is frigid? 1.2083 0.05112 96 80 12 4
2197 It's just unbearable, the licks I've been taking. 1.2083 0.05322 96 81 10 5
2198 I've tried being more assertive, but I'm just an old Softe 1.2083 0.04893 96 79 14 3
2199 I was told to keep a cool head about things. 1.2083 0.04893 96 79 14 3
2200 I get this brain freeze 1.2083 0.04865 120 102 11 7
2201 I give up. This town has got me licked. 1.2083 0.04893 96 79 14 3
2202 Doc,you think I have a chance to lick this? 1.2083 0.04663 96 78 16 2
2203 It just ticks me off when people say I’m as cool as a cucumber 1.2083 0.04893 96 79 14 3
2204 I don’t think I cone do this anymore, doc 1.2083 0.04893 96 79 14 3
2205 Everyone just assumes I’m a softy 1.2083 0.04893 96 79 14 3
2206 People always ask if I was at Custard's Last Stand. 1.2079 0.04939 101 84 13 4
2207 You know what it feels like to be dropped right? 1.2079 0.04734 101 83 15 3
2208 I think I will need a tissue! 1.2079 0.04939 101 84 13 4
2209 That's it, Doc! I constantly have brain freeze. 1.2079 0.04939 101 84 13 4
2210 So doctor, I really have to find out what's causing these nasty headaches. 1.2079 0.04520 101 82 17 2
2211 I thought after I got my degree they would call me Dr Softee 1.2079 0.04734 101 83 15 3
2212 I'm just tired of being so cool-headed about everything... 1.2079 0.04295 101 81 19 1
2213 My parents, chocolate and strawberry, never told me I was adopted. So why am I vanilla soft serve? 1.2079 0.04295 101 81 19 1
2214 I'm sorry - I'm having a brain freeze. 1.2079 0.04734 101 83 15 3
2215 My pronouns are ice, ice and baby. 1.2079 0.04734 101 83 15 3
2216 People mistake me for being a soft touch! 1.2075 0.04780 106 88 14 4
2217 I came to you, Dr. Cohen, because I thought you'd empathize. 1.2075 0.05143 106 90 10 6
2218 Sorry, I had a brain freeze. What was I just saying? 1.2075 0.04179 106 85 20 1
2219 Gone are the good old days of having cold feet 1.2075 0.05143 106 90 10 6
2220 I don’t know what to do…. Everyone keeps telling me I am too soft. 1.2075 0.04780 106 88 14 4
2221 My family, the coneheads, call me a disgrace 1.2075 0.05143 106 90 10 6
2222 It feels like I'm melting inside. 1.2075 0.04780 106 88 14 4
2223 And to top it all off, now she says I’m a Softee. 1.2075 0.04589 106 87 16 3
2224 One moment.. brain freeze 1.2075 0.04589 106 87 16 3
2225 I just want to be licked. 1.2073 0.05415 82 68 11 3
2226 No, Viagra didn't help. 1.2073 0.04827 82 66 15 1
2227 I just can’t seem to get hard enough for her… 1.2072 0.04976 111 94 11 6
2228 She told me I was creme de la creme. 1.2072 0.04455 111 91 17 3
2229 So there’s a little blue pill that will turn me into ice cream? 1.2072 0.04071 111 89 21 1
2230 'Soft' doesn't mean pushover, you know? 1.2069 0.04665 116 97 14 5
2231 I keep freezing up. 1.2069 0.04664 87 70 16 1
2232 Sometime I don't want to be sweet. Is that bad? 1.2069 0.05206 87 72 12 3
2233 Life’s just been vanilla, you know? 1.2069 0.05696 87 74 8 5
2234 I just feel myself melting away 1.2066 0.04052 121 98 21 2
2235 ... and the English always laugh at me - something about my being one flake short of a 99 1.2065 0.05017 92 76 13 3
2236 When you ask me about my mother I just get brain freeze. 1.2065 0.05017 92 76 13 3
2237 Too late,SNL did this a long time ago 1.2065 0.04773 92 75 15 2
2238 I think I'm having a complete emotional melt-down... 1.2065 0.04773 92 75 15 2
2239 No one is more concerned about climate change than I am 1.2065 0.05250 92 77 11 4
2240 In my nightmares I see myself under chocolate storms and cream avalanches… 1.2065 0.04773 92 75 15 2
2241 And I told them, its not dandruff, its sprinkles. 1.2065 0.05473 92 78 9 5
2242 My girlfriend says I give her a headache. 1.2065 0.05250 92 77 11 4
2243 Doc am I really broken? Or is McDonalds gaslighting me 1.2065 0.05017 92 76 13 3
2244 If I hear ONE more joke about me being soft in the head... 1.2063 0.04112 126 103 20 3
2245 I feel like my head is swirling doc. 1.2062 0.05064 97 81 12 4
2246 I get pangs of existential dread whenever I think about climate change. 1.2062 0.04847 97 80 14 3
2247 Am I bi-polar if I love hot summer days but can’t stand the heat? 1.2062 0.04620 97 79 16 2
2248 It's hard to find someone who doesn't want a bowl. 1.2062 0.04847 97 80 14 3
2249 I was all set to be one of SNL's coneheads, but at the dress rehearsal I melted under the lights. 1.2062 0.04847 97 80 14 3
2250 I SCREAM for ice cream! 1.2062 0.04847 97 80 14 3
2251 I’m just trying to recreate my childhood. 1.2062 0.05064 97 81 12 4
2252 My mother never understood… Whoa ! Ouch! I’m having another brain freeze 1.2062 0.05271 97 82 10 5
2253 You scream, they scream…I’ve had it. I’m licked. 1.2062 0.04620 97 79 16 2
2254 My head's in a swirl. 1.2062 0.04847 97 80 14 3
2255 We were only five years old. How could I have possibly known that he could actually curse me? 1.2062 0.05064 97 81 12 4
2256 My parents were frigid... 1.2062 0.04381 97 78 18 1
2257 So how do you deal with any adversity?” “I scream. 1.2062 0.05064 97 81 12 4
2258 I just froze up. 1.2059 0.04692 102 84 15 3
2259 I fear the world is growing more lactose intolerant every day, Doc. 1.2059 0.04894 102 85 13 4
2260 I think it might be brain freeze. 1.2059 0.05089 102 86 11 5
2261 Wow, an insecure attachment style? 1.2059 0.05089 102 86 11 5
2262 ...then I get this melting feeling... 1.2059 0.04023 102 81 21 0
2263 My mom won't accept that I'll never become a Dairy Queen 1.2059 0.04894 102 85 13 4
2264 I feel like I will never be able to reach the issues in my head and lick lick them. 1.2059 0.04258 102 82 19 1
2265 Anytime someone says my name, I scream! 1.2056 0.05098 107 91 10 6
2266 My love life is on a rocky road. 1.2056 0.03925 107 85 22 0
2267 ...and, then, they taunt me for not being able to get hard. 1.2056 0.05098 107 91 10 6
2268 As you probably guessed, my childhood was as vanilla as it gets, and my parents were extremely frigid! 1.2056 0.04922 107 90 12 5
2269 I always feel like such a drip. 1.2056 0.04922 107 90 12 5
2270 I don’t know what’s worse. My wife thinking I’m a softie or my kids calling me cone headed. 1.2056 0.04550 107 88 16 3
2271 For once, I want to scream for myself. 1.2056 0.04550 107 88 16 3
2272 Cool heads will prevail. 1.2054 0.04597 112 93 15 4
2273 I wish I was chocolate. 1.2054 0.04233 112 91 19 2
2274 It all started when I drove past my first Dairy Queen 1.2054 0.04935 112 95 11 6
2275 Ever since the frozen yogurt craze, I’ve had an empty useless feeling 1.2054 0.04419 112 92 17 3
2276 I might melt under all this pressure. 1.2051 0.04467 117 97 16 4
2277 Do you know how hard it is being lactose intolerant 1.2048 0.05073 83 68 13 2
2278 Every night she says she has a headache, and I'm starting to feel like it's my fault. 1.2048 0.05355 83 69 11 3
2279 Some days I just don’t feel like I’m serving, you know? 1.2048 0.05073 83 68 13 2
2280 I found out my wife is seeing someone named Rocky Road. 1.2045 0.05152 88 73 12 3
2281 Yes doctor you’re right, I often feel completely whipped. 1.2045 0.05399 88 74 10 4
2282 And then she accused me of being soft in the head. 1.2045 0.05152 88 73 12 3
2283 It's a never ending brain freeze. 1.2045 0.04617 88 71 16 1
2284 My father says I'm too soft in the head. 1.2045 0.04891 88 72 14 2
2285 I had the nightmare where I'm frozen yogurt again. 1.2045 0.04891 88 72 14 2
2286 People keep telling me that I'm just plain vanilla. 1.2045 0.04617 88 71 16 1
2287 I don't know, I just feel like I have brain freeze all the time. 1.2045 0.05399 88 74 10 4
2288 I'm tired of taking a licking every day. 1.2045 0.05399 88 74 10 4
2289 Well… my friends say I’m whipped. 1.2045 0.05152 88 73 12 3
2290 Yesterday someone called me Taylor Swirl and I actually laughed. 1.2045 0.05152 88 73 12 3
2291 They've stopped screaming for me! 1.2043 0.05418 93 79 9 5
2292 I feel like I will never win the New Yorker caption conetes 1.2043 0.05630 93 80 7 6
2293 I can't stop all these thoughts from swirling around in my head! 1.2043 0.04727 93 76 15 2
2294 Sads cream 1.2043 0.04968 93 77 13 3
2295 Do something before I melt! 1.2043 0.04727 93 76 15 2
2296 Yes but how do I know when they lick me for ME? 1.2041 0.05016 98 82 12 4
2297 Sure, I knew what most people meant when they yelled "nuts." But there was always that one kid, you know? The one kid I just knew didn't mean what the others meant. 1.2041 0.04802 98 81 14 3
2298 She left me for a swirl. 1.2041 0.04577 98 80 16 2
2299 Call me a Softee, but this whole frozen yogurt thing has me twisted up inside. 1.2041 0.05016 98 82 12 4
2300 I just live with the constant fear that one day, it's all gonna just melt away. 1.2041 0.04802 98 81 14 3
2301 I wake up in the middle of the night and I scream… 1.2041 0.04802 98 81 14 3
2302 I'm having a hard time keeping a cool head 1.2041 0.05016 98 82 12 4
2303 Your rug looks like a fried egg flying saucer! 1.2039 0.04851 103 86 13 4
2304 The dry heat is OK here in Phoenix,but that humidity in Florida really sucks. 1.2039 0.05043 103 87 11 5
2305 I’m the secret love child of two Coneheads. 1.2039 0.04851 103 86 13 4
2306 I feel intimidated by Mr. Potato Head. 1.2039 0.04851 103 86 13 4
2307 There's this snippet of a melody. I can't get it out of my head. 1.2039 0.05043 103 87 11 5
2308 I scream! 1.2039 0.04221 103 83 19 1
2309 I always feel so cold. 1.2037 0.04315 108 88 18 2
2310 I don’t mind, really, but did it have to be vanilla? 1.2037 0.04511 108 89 16 3
2311 It all started when I was attacked by a radioactive fro-yo clerk... 1.2037 0.05223 108 93 8 7
2312 I had hoped it would be fun being the flavor of the week. 1.2037 0.04315 108 88 18 2
2313 Some say, I’m sweet. Others say I’m a softie. None of them ever sees a heart overflowing with mono and diglycerides, guar gum, carrageenan, and vitamin A palmitate. 1.2037 0.05054 108 92 10 6
2314 Viagra hasn’t helped. 1.2037 0.04511 108 89 16 3
2315 And in the dream my head completely melts... 1.2037 0.04110 108 87 20 1
2316 It all started when I lost my sprinkles… 1.2035 0.04383 113 93 17 3
2317 Oh, it was awful. They tried to dip my head in chocolate. That's when I ran. 1.2035 0.04560 113 94 15 4
2318 We were a perfect couple. Then, she met a guy with sprinkles. 1.2035 0.04894 113 96 11 6
2319 Doc, I think I’ve gone soft. 1.2035 0.04199 113 92 19 2
2320 I just don't understand why my friends only want to see me on hot days. 1.2034 0.04092 118 96 20 2
2321 I’ve changed my mind. I’m willing to try sprinkles. 1.2034 0.04432 118 98 16 4
2322 She said she wants to try a swirl. 1.2034 0.04265 118 97 18 3
2323 I keep having this horrible dream where I have a corn dog for a head. Crazy, right? 1.2025 0.04894 79 64 14 1
2324 They tried to lock me in a restaurant freezer. 1.2025 0.05518 79 66 10 3
2325 At prep school, the bullies on the tennis team kept calling me soft-serve. 1.2024 0.05297 84 70 11 3
2326 Why won’t people just shake hands? 1.2024 0.05297 84 70 11 3
2327 Dr., I'm tired of everyone thinking ' I'm 'Mr. Softie' 1.2024 0.05297 84 70 11 3
2328 I hate fucking sprinkles 1.2022 0.05099 89 74 12 3
2329 The "Mr. Softee" taunts have really messed with my head. 1.2022 0.05343 89 75 10 4
2330 No, my dad was Mister Softee. Call me Derek. 1.2022 0.04842 89 73 14 2
2331 Yes, I am soft in the head! But why do people assume I am stupid? 1.2022 0.05099 89 74 12 3
2332 I just can’t decide, am I sprinkles or dip-top 1.2022 0.04282 89 71 18 0
2333 Do you believe in predestination, Doctor? 1.2022 0.04842 89 73 14 2
2334 Why isn’t lactose intolerance a hate crime? 1.2021 0.04920 94 78 13 3
2335 I knew it couldn’t last after she melted my heart. 1.2021 0.04682 94 77 15 2
2336 Sorry. I just had a brain freeze. 1.2021 0.04682 94 77 15 2
2337 It's less a spiral than a swirl. 1.2021 0.04682 94 77 15 2
2338 Now Mr. Potato Head, how can I help you? 1.2021 0.04920 94 78 13 3
2339 Yes, my moniker has affected my ability to date women, 1.2021 0.04682 94 77 15 2
2340 My wife won’t let me forget it. 1.2021 0.04682 94 77 15 2
2341 I’m a natural chocolate, but I started dyeing my head after the emoji-that-must-not-be-named came out. 1.2021 0.04920 94 78 13 3
2342 Is everyone lactose intolerant or is it just me? 1.2021 0.04682 94 77 15 2
2343 When you’re just vanilla and not swirl, it’s like you always feel like you’re never quite enough. 1.2021 0.04682 94 77 15 2
2344 It’s the Lab puppy dream again! 1.2021 0.05147 94 79 11 4
2345 I have these horrible nightmares that I turn into a waffle cone…. 1.2021 0.04682 94 77 15 2
2346 People are always dressing me up. It’s like I’m not good enough as is. 1.2020 0.04758 99 82 14 3
2347 I keep hearing this silly little jingle that repeats and repeats. 1.2020 0.04969 99 83 12 4
2348 I don’t know where to begin, Doctor…my head’s a big swirl. 1.2020 0.04302 99 80 18 1
2349 Why is it,that in every relationship I am always the softee? 1.2020 0.05173 99 84 10 5
2350 Yeah? Can I blow your mind,Doc? I think your rug looks like an EGG! 1.2020 0.04969 99 83 12 4
2351 So how does Mrs. Softee feel about your brain freeze? 1.2020 0.05173 99 84 10 5
2352 It's like my brain just freezes. 1.2020 0.04758 99 82 14 3
2353 Sorry I’m so emotional today. But I know I’m not the first patient to drip on this couch. 1.2020 0.04536 99 81 16 2
2354 Very difficult to maintain a cool head 1.2020 0.05368 99 85 8 6
2355 How long has it been since your wife left you for a popsicle? 1.2020 0.04536 99 81 16 2
2356 They scream for me all day - of course, I’m having a meltdown! 1.2020 0.04536 99 81 16 2
2357 I feel like more a dairy office manager than a dairy queen. 1.2020 0.05173 99 84 10 5
2358 Just once I'd like to have an ice-cream headache. 1.2020 0.04758 99 82 14 3
2359 Some days I just wonder if I'm too plain vanilla. 1.2020 0.04969 99 83 12 4
2360 At the end of the day I'm just whipped, doctor. 1.2020 0.05173 99 84 10 5
2361 She was a nice person, but the whole evening was just plain vanilla 1.2020 0.04758 99 82 14 3
2362 Fro-yo?!! who even am I doc? 1.2020 0.04302 99 80 18 1
2363 I fall in love too easily. Some people call me an old softie. 1.2019 0.04402 104 85 17 2
2364 I feel my needs aren't being met when she sets the thermostat above 32 degrees. 1.2019 0.04402 104 85 17 2
2365 Mr. Softie does transplant? 1.2019 0.04808 104 87 13 4
2366 I need you to help me lick this brain freeze 1.2019 0.04402 104 85 17 2
2367 I’m telling you, they just won’t serve me there 1.2019 0.04609 104 86 15 3
2368 That was a rather frosty remark 1.2019 0.04609 104 86 15 3
2369 It’s as if I have permanent brain freeze. 1.2019 0.04998 104 88 11 5
2370 I feel like such a hypocrite since I found out I was lactose intolerant. 1.2019 0.04808 104 87 13 4
2371 It's hard to go on ... without sprinkles. 1.2018 0.04474 109 90 16 3
2372 Don't serve it to me softly, Doc. 1.2018 0.04474 109 90 16 3
2373 I freaked when she said she could eat me with a spoon. 1.2018 0.04839 109 92 12 5
2374 I have this recurring dream that I was once a sultan of Egypt! 1.2018 0.04474 109 90 16 3
2375 And now I fear my wife is seeing Mr. Hardee behind my back 1.2018 0.04839 109 92 12 5
2376 Umm, that's not how you use a condom 1.2018 0.04839 109 92 12 5
2377 Well, when you're Mr. Softee, people take advantage 1.2018 0.04524 114 95 15 4
2378 I really feel like a king rather than a dairy queen. 1.2017 0.04557 119 100 14 5
2379 She complained that I’m always soft! 1.2017 0.04398 119 99 16 4
2380 I feel like this job is eating away at me. 1.2016 0.04126 124 102 19 3
2381 I can always tell the juge that the music was what attracted the children. 1.2000 0.05097 95 80 11 4
2382 I don't know, I am afraid this will lead to another total meltdown. 1.2000 0.04714 100 83 14 3
2383 Please, don’t let me melt.. 1.2000 0.04264 100 81 18 1
2384 I have this constant brain freeze... 1.2000 0.04264 100 81 18 1
2385 You get bullied a lot when you are a Softee. 1.2000 0.04240 90 72 18 0
2386 People think I’m a softie. 1.2000 0.04872 95 79 13 3
2387 Caramelize this. 1.2000 0.04495 100 82 16 2
2388 I don't know why they always swipe left. 1.2000 0.04798 110 93 12 5
2389 It was tough growing up in a lactose intolerant neighborhood. 1.2000 0.04965 85 70 13 2
2390 I just can't get those songs out of my head. 1.2000 0.04872 95 79 13 3
2391 I know I'm loved, but it's eating me alive. 1.2000 0.04839 80 65 14 1
2392 All I ever heard was, 'your brother has more scoops, and sprinkles.' 1.2000 0.05311 105 91 7 7
2393 And then my dad said:"You're soft, and you'll always be soft". 1.2000 0.04839 80 65 14 1
2394 Why do I feel like you just licked my head? 1.2000 0.04134 115 94 19 2
2395 But soft-serve isn't REAL ice cream. 1.2000 0.05125 100 85 10 5
2396 I tend to keep a cool head but I have trouble with hot dates. 1.2000 0.03935 125 102 21 2
2397 Everything’s a whirl. 1.2000 0.04569 105 87 15 3
2398 I panic when they forecast sprinkles. 1.2000 0.04793 90 74 14 2
2399 The northern US has a winter demand problem. 1.2000 0.04969 110 94 10 6
2400 Does the constant brain freeze qualify for Worker’s Compensation? 1.2000 0.04495 100 82 16 2
2401 My mother was a lazy sundae 1.2000 0.04569 105 87 15 3
2402 I've had this headache my whole life. 1.2000 0.04924 100 84 12 4
2403 No one believes I can be woke and vanilla. 1.2000 0.05125 100 85 10 5
2404 You got to toughen up if you want to lose the nickname 1.2000 0.04364 105 86 17 2
2405 Sometimes I feel my brain is mush! 1.2000 0.04437 110 91 16 3
2406 It's not my IQ, it's my DQ. 1.2000 0.04965 85 70 13 2
2407 My doctor said it was just a brain freeze, but I think there’s something psychological at play here 1.2000 0.05737 80 68 8 4
2408 …and the truth is, I’m lactose intolerant.” 1.2000 0.04793 90 74 14 2
2409 I use to be hard-headed, full on Rocky Road... 1.2000 0.04637 95 78 15 2
2410 Nobody sees me as the action hero type. 1.2000 0.05695 75 63 9 3
2411 It's been 45 years, and that SNL sketch still hurts. 1.2000 0.05695 75 63 9 3
2412 I have nightmares about Dan Aykroyd and Jane Curtin. 1.2000 0.04495 100 82 16 2
2413 Keeping a cool head just isn't working,Doc. 1.2000 0.04495 100 82 16 2
2414 I know I'm a Softee, Doc, but if I were just not plain vanilla. 1.2000 0.05369 75 62 11 2
2415 Doctor, I know when I'm licked. 1.2000 0.05239 85 71 11 3
2416 I can't overcome this feeling that a dairy queen is ruling over me. 1.2000 0.04924 100 84 12 4
2417 Besides the constant brain freeze, everyone keeps throwing sprinkles at me. 1.2000 0.04924 100 84 12 4
2418 So how long have you been experiencing brain freeze? 1.2000 0.05454 80 67 10 3
2419 I told my family doctor that I keep having ice cream headaches, but he told me that is all in my head. 1.2000 0.04244 110 90 18 2
2420 I told you Jeremy that you are what you eat..... 1.2000 0.04965 85 70 13 2
2421 There’s no way I could stay in the closet. 1.2000 0.04714 100 83 14 3
2422 My wife is kosher. My sex life is a disaster. 1.2000 0.05311 105 91 7 7
2423 My wife says I'm a big softee, doc. 1.2000 0.04264 100 81 18 1
2424 And then she said you're not the flavor of the week anymore! 1.2000 0.04924 100 84 12 4
2425 It was supposed to be the perfect summer wedding. I guess she just got cold feet. 1.2000 0.04364 105 86 17 2
2426 I have too much going on in my head doc 1.2000 0.05047 90 75 12 3
2427 People think I’m as cold as ice, but deep down I’m really a softie. 1.2000 0.04714 100 83 14 3
2428 It just wasn't what I was expecting when you said to keep a cool head. 1.2000 0.04244 110 90 18 2
2429 Coneheads? Not funny. 1.2000 0.04264 100 81 18 1
2430 ‘Nobody calls me ‘Mister Softee’ anymore. It’s all ‘Yo, Softee!’ It seems so disrespectful.’ 1.2000 0.05737 80 68 8 4
2431 It just feels like I’ve always been twisted. 1.2000 0.04437 110 91 16 3
2432 My wife loves chocolate swirl more than me." 1.1982 0.04400 111 92 16 3
2433 Plain white is dignified, but my wife suggests a two-tone swirl. 1.1982 0.04582 111 93 14 4
2434 I’ve lost my sprinkles I 1.1981 0.04327 106 87 17 2
2435 Doc, I've taken my share of licks in this world. But that's not why I'm here. What's really bothering me is that I am just sick of being the "flavor of the month" with my girlfriends. 1.1981 0.04724 106 89 13 4
2436 There’s always somebody out to get me. 1.1981 0.04911 106 90 11 5
2437 I seem to be experiencing perpetual brain freeze 1.1981 0.04911 106 90 11 5
2438 I scream on a daily basis doc 1.1981 0.04114 106 86 19 1
2439 I think women pre-judge me. 1.1980 0.04454 101 83 16 2
2440 And when in childhood did you lose your sprinkles? 1.1980 0.04879 101 85 12 4
2441 Everybody thinks I'm just a softie. 1.1980 0.05269 101 87 8 6
2442 I know this is going to sound twisted. . . 1.1980 0.04879 101 85 12 4
2443 It feels like everyone just wants to get in their licks. 1.1980 0.04879 101 85 12 4
2444 People think I am cold 1.1980 0.04671 101 84 14 3
2445 I have a constant ice headache. 1.1980 0.04671 101 84 14 3
2446 I know I’m soft in the head. Steven Scher, Brookline, MA 1.1980 0.04454 101 83 16 2
2447 It’s like I always have this incredible ice-cream headache. 1.1980 0.04879 101 85 12 4
2448 Everyone makes fun of my bow tie. 1.1979 0.05048 96 81 11 4
2449 What bothers me most is when people ask if I give myself “brain freeze.” 1.1979 0.04348 96 78 17 1
2450 Sometimes I feel that people take advantage of me--that I'm just a big softie. 1.1979 0.04348 96 78 17 1
2451 Every time I hear ice cream truck music, I can't help feeling agitated. 1.1979 0.05048 96 81 11 4
2452 She said that I was just too...vanilla. 1.1979 0.04826 96 80 13 3
2453 At home, I was always the one that got a licking. 1.1979 0.04826 96 80 13 3
2454 So much for your counsel to always keep my cool. 1.1979 0.04826 96 80 13 3
2455 …the same silly tune plays over and over, and I’m being chased by dozens of children… 1.1979 0.05048 96 81 11 4
2456 It’s just that I sense everyone wants to lick me. 1.1979 0.04826 96 80 13 3
2457 I'm tired of being called "Mister Conehead" 1.1979 0.04826 96 80 13 3
2458 I just can’t get it through my head that summer’s over. 1.1979 0.04826 96 80 13 3
2459 Why did you leave her at the alter? First I had cold feet, now I think it all went to my head. 1.1979 0.04826 96 80 13 3
2460 It's hard to explain soft. 1.1979 0.05048 96 81 11 4
2461 I have this recurring dream about a cherry. 1.1979 0.05261 96 82 9 5
2462 Then she told me I was too vanilla for her. 1.1979 0.04348 96 78 17 1
2463 Our company has some strange requirements for getting ahead. 1.1978 0.04745 91 75 14 2
2464 And, they also used to say I don't have good humor. 1.1978 0.04480 91 74 16 1
2465 Sometimes the heat gets to be too much for me, you know? 1.1978 0.04745 91 75 14 2
2466 I'm not sure I should share this with you... It's kind of twisted. 1.1978 0.04996 91 76 12 3
2467 It's really hard being a cake cone in a waffle cone world. 1.1978 0.04745 91 75 14 2
2468 Every time I try to qualify for Jeopardy I have a brain freeze. 1.1978 0.04199 91 73 18 0
2469 I mean if I'm so "sweet," why can't I ever get a second date? 1.1978 0.04996 91 76 12 3
2470 It's natural for cream to rise to the top; it's the swirl we have to get to the bottom of. 1.1978 0.04745 91 75 14 2
2471 I’m feeling so whipped lately. 1.1978 0.05463 91 78 8 5
2472 I'm afraid it's a meltdown! 1.1978 0.04480 91 74 16 1
2473 ...And that's why I hate summer. 1.1978 0.04745 91 75 14 2
2474 I’m having trouble getting hard. 1.1978 0.04199 91 73 18 0
2475 Doc, I feel like a real shithead. 1.1978 0.05682 91 79 6 6
2476 I have this recurring dream of being dipped in chocolate. 1.1977 0.05183 86 72 11 3
2477 People say I leave them feeling cold. 1.1977 0.04912 86 71 13 2
2478 People keep asking me if I am Dan Ackroyd. 1.1977 0.04912 86 71 13 2
2479 I can’t get that horrible tune out of my head! 1.1977 0.04912 86 71 13 2
2480 How can I speak freely when I have a splitting ice cream headache and there's a giant fried egg on the floor. 1.1977 0.05441 86 73 9 4
2481 I have this dream in which I see this huge tongue approaching and I can’t escape. 1.1977 0.05441 86 73 9 4
2482 I aways feel like a big dip. 1.1977 0.05687 86 74 7 5
2483 My mom's a queen and dad's a conehead. 1.1977 0.04625 86 70 15 1
2484 Dr.,I‘m worried… I think I’ve gone soft in the head! 1.1977 0.04625 86 70 15 1
2485 I’m worried people are already forgetting about me. 1.1977 0.04912 86 71 13 2
2486 My father was lactose intolerant. 1.1975 0.04785 81 66 14 1
2487 So, you are here because you are about to melt down… 1.1975 0.05098 81 67 12 2
2488 She says I’m too vanilla. How is that even possible? 1.1975 0.05098 81 67 12 2
2489 I have this tune I just can't get out of my head. 1.1974 0.05626 76 64 9 3
2490 Frozen yogurt. I hate it when I hear it. 1.1974 0.05305 76 63 11 2
2491 I feel like I'm starting to have a meltdown. 1.1967 0.04454 122 103 14 5
2492 Drumstick is so handsome with the chocolate shell and nuts... he has it all. 1.1966 0.04247 117 97 17 3
2493 Is it normal for me to be in love with a sherbet? 1.1964 0.04718 112 95 12 5
2494 Sometimes I feel like such a drip. 1.1963 0.04491 107 89 15 3
2495 Mr. Softee! Mr. Softee! Mr. Softee was my father — I am Charles. 1.1963 0.04290 107 88 17 2
2496 I just hear the theme from the sting...over and over. 1.1963 0.04683 107 90 13 4
2497 I want to be loved for my body and not just for my head. 1.1963 0.04290 107 88 17 2
2498 I feel I’m a little soft. 1.1961 0.05031 102 87 10 5
2499 Doc, don't tell me you left the heat on... 1.1961 0.04629 102 85 14 3
2500 It wasn't meant to be, she's lactose intolerant. 1.1961 0.04629 102 85 14 3
2501 And then he said: "Takes a licking but keeps on ticking. 1.1961 0.04415 102 84 16 2
2502 My biggest fear is global warming 1.1961 0.04415 102 84 16 2
2503 I have this recurring dream that I’m on Saturday Night Live 1.1961 0.04415 102 84 16 2
2504 Soft serve. Why do they have to call me soft serve? 1.1961 0.04189 102 83 18 1
2505 I never minded when the ladies called Mr. Softee until I realized they weren't referring to my head. 1.1961 0.04835 102 86 12 4
2506 These thoughts of revenge are swirling around in my head. 1.1961 0.04629 102 85 14 3
2507 My life isn't worth a lick! 1.1961 0.04415 102 84 16 2
2508 I know I haven’t dated in awhile but when she said she couldn’t wait to lick me, I just fell apart. 1.1961 0.04835 102 86 12 4
2509 I just find it hard to believe that licking me is a viable treatment 1.1959 0.04780 97 81 13 3
2510 I have never accepted my mango taste 1.1959 0.04780 97 81 13 3
2511 I feel like I'm melting. 1.1959 0.04550 97 80 15 2
2512 I hate it when people ask if they can lick my hair. 1.1959 0.04308 97 79 17 1
2513 They all say I’m soft. 1.1959 0.04780 97 81 13 3
2514 You know, being an ice cream cone head is not all it’s whipped up to be. 1.1959 0.04308 97 79 17 1
2515 I want to transition to a real Conehead. 1.1959 0.04550 97 80 15 2
2516 How would you like it if people called you Egghead? 1.1959 0.04051 97 78 19 0
2517 I get depressed when summer ends. 1.1959 0.04550 97 80 15 2
2518 I keep losing friends to global warming but I don't think the science proves anything yet. 1.1959 0.04780 97 81 13 3
2519 Clearly a case of brain freeze 1.1959 0.04780 97 81 13 3
2520 It’s a Sunday kind of love. 1.1959 0.04308 97 79 17 1
2521 I'm afraid my wife thinks I'm vanilla... 1.1959 0.05000 97 82 11 4
2522 Doc, I hear that song more than 2000 times a day. Of course I'm getting a little soft in the head. 1.1959 0.04780 97 81 13 3
2523 Sprinkles…I just keep seeing sprinkles! 1.1959 0.04780 97 81 13 3
2524 plain vanilla meltdown 1.1958 0.03877 143 119 20 4
2525 The rug is an egg and the curtains remind me of supressed trauma from my youth. 1.1957 0.05407 92 79 8 5
2526 So I come home early from work one day and there she is, in bed with a waffle cone! 1.1957 0.04946 92 77 12 3
2527 So you have nightmares about your mother being licked . 1.1957 0.04698 92 76 14 2
2528 I'm worried I've gone soft." 1.1957 0.04437 92 75 16 1
2529 When I was young everyone loved vanilla! 1.1957 0.04946 92 77 12 3
2530 Mr. Frosty is my Father, please call me Bill. 1.1957 0.04946 92 77 12 3
2531 I keep asking myself: Is it too much, or just enough? 1.1957 0.05182 92 78 10 4
2532 No, Doc, I scream. 1.1957 0.04698 92 76 14 2
2533 It was supposed to be chocolate, not vanilla. 1.1957 0.04159 92 74 18 0
2534 Being the Ice Cream Man isn't as fulfilling as you might think. 1.1957 0.04698 92 76 14 2
2535 This bee hive doo has got to go. 1.1957 0.04946 92 77 12 3
2536 I feel I should soft serve a higher purpose. 1.1954 0.04861 87 72 13 2
2537 Why Lachlan and not me? 1.1954 0.05383 87 74 9 4
2538 Jimmies. Sprinkles. What’s the point, you know? 1.1954 0.05383 87 74 9 4
2539 The Bikram Yoga instructor called me a hot mess. 1.1954 0.05383 87 74 9 4
2540 Sometimes it feels like it's all in my head. 1.1954 0.04578 87 71 15 1
2541 I can take the ridicule—it’s the brain freeze that gets me down. 1.1954 0.05128 87 73 11 3
2542 My head’s in such a swirl. 1.1954 0.04861 87 72 13 2
2543 I’m worried the success is starting to go to my head. 1.1954 0.04578 87 71 15 1
2544 I fear she is in it for my head. Who knows if she really loves me. 1.1951 0.05041 82 68 12 2
2545 What seems to be the problem, Mr. Conehead? Do you have "brain-freeze"? 1.1951 0.04107 123 102 18 3
2546 Doctor, I can't feel my legs. 1.1951 0.05041 82 68 12 2
2547 I don't understand why I have chronic brain freeze. 1.1951 0.05331 82 69 10 3
2548 It’s always the same dream. I’m in sixth grade math class dressed as an ice cream sandwich. 1.1949 0.04214 118 98 17 3
2549 I really should have eaten before I started my next session. 1.1948 0.05242 77 64 11 2
2550 Everyone thinks I'm just a big Softee. 1.1948 0.04905 77 63 13 1
2551 Can't get that song out of my head 1.1948 0.05558 77 65 9 3
2552 Mr. Peanut gets dates. Tony the Tiger gets dates. The Jolly Green Giant gets dates... 1.1948 0.05857 77 66 7 4
2553 My mother was a softie. 1.1948 0.05242 77 64 11 2
2554 Viagra and therapy haven't helped... I'm still Mr. Softee. 1.1948 0.05857 77 66 7 4
2555 I can’t melt down 1.1948 0.04543 77 62 15 0
2556 . . . and unexplained headaches. 1.1948 0.05242 77 64 11 2
2557 Lately, I can’t tolerate myself. 1.1948 0.05857 77 66 7 4
2558 off the top of my head, I can’t think of a reason for my latest meltdown 1.1948 0.04905 77 63 13 1
2559 What's the scoop, Doc? 1.1947 0.04508 113 95 14 4
2560 "...and then there's Gelato!" 1.1947 0.03947 113 92 20 1
2561 It's hard being a softee in a hard-pack world. 1.1947 0.04142 113 93 18 2
2562 My wife left me. She says I'm too vanilla. 1.1944 0.04453 108 90 15 3
2563 I just freeze up when I think about it... 1.1944 0.04453 108 90 15 3
2564 My father always said I was soft. 1.1944 0.04254 108 89 17 2
2565 I just want to twist like I did last summer! 1.1944 0.04254 108 89 17 2
2566 I don't know doc, it's all a swirl up there. 1.1944 0.04643 108 91 13 4
2567 I feel so plain. 1.1942 0.04791 103 87 12 4
2568 My girlfriend hates that I have to be Mr. Softee All. The. Time. 1.1942 0.04376 103 85 16 2
2569 I keep attracting women for the wrong reasons. 1.1942 0.04791 103 87 12 4
2570 The headache just never goes away. 1.1942 0.04376 103 85 16 2
2571 I don’t mind the way it looks, it’s the constant licking that is driving me crazy. 1.1942 0.04588 103 86 14 3
2572 Those Ice Cream Headaches are getting to me! 1.1942 0.04791 103 87 12 4
2573 People say I’m cold-blooded. 1.1942 0.04376 103 85 16 2
2574 No, it feels like more than a brain freeze. 1.1942 0.04588 103 86 14 3
2575 I feel like I am on the verge of a meltdown, doctor. 1.1942 0.04588 103 86 14 3
2576 Whenever I close my eyes, Doc… it’s all I see… my Uncle’s tongue. Licking! Licking! Licking! 1.1942 0.04153 103 84 18 1
2577 I feel like everyone wants to take a lick at me! 1.1940 0.04554 134 116 10 8
2578 It's just that the other coneheads think I'm soft. 1.1939 0.04268 98 80 17 1
2579 And then I wake up screaming. 1.1939 0.04953 98 83 11 4
2580 Can you switch me to a different antidepressant? My wife keeps calling me Mr. Softee. 1.1939 0.04735 98 82 13 3
2581 Do you know how it feels to constantly melt down 1.1939 0.04735 98 82 13 3
2582 My life is meaningless -- I'm not gluten-free, dairy-free, or organic. 1.1939 0.04735 98 82 13 3
2583 I’m just plain old boring vanilla, nobody wants me 1.1939 0.04508 98 81 15 2
2584 My wife told me to come, she thinks I am identifying too much with the Cone-heads on SNL." Tracy Brown, San Rafael, CA 1.1939 0.04508 98 81 15 2
2585 I hate this Summer, because I just keep having these random meltdowns! 1.1939 0.04268 98 80 17 1
2586 Sometimes I just feel frozen out. 1.1939 0.04268 98 80 17 1
2587 Sometimes I feel like my head is melting, you know? 1.1939 0.04508 98 81 15 2
2588 I wanted to bring the Coneheads back to #SNL with a new twist, but they just weren’t interested. 1.1939 0.04735 98 82 13 3
2589 Am I a twist? A swirl? Or plain old soft serve? I’m so conflicted 1.1939 0.04508 98 81 15 2
2590 I just feel myself dripping away ya know? 1.1935 0.04394 93 76 16 1
2591 First it was Mr. Cone Head, then Mr. Softee. I am about to have a meltdown. 1.1935 0.04897 93 78 12 3
2592 Sure, they’re always happy to see me at first, but it never lasts long. 1.1935 0.04897 93 78 12 3
2593 Is this It, doc, or is there icing on the cake? 1.1935 0.04652 93 77 14 2
2594 My wife keeps accusing me of waffling. 1.1935 0.04394 93 76 16 1
2595 I think antifreeze will be more effective than antidepressants 1.1935 0.04652 93 77 14 2
2596 Yeah, but they think I'm ALWAYS 'Mister Softee' ... 1.1935 0.04394 93 76 16 1
2597 I've looked everywhere and just can't find the right hat. 1.1935 0.04652 93 77 14 2
2598 Soft in the head? Thanks, Doc, for your insight. 1.1935 0.04652 93 77 14 2
2599 First, could you maybe turn up the air conditioner? 1.1935 0.04119 93 75 18 0
2600 Then she said there was an unmistakable chill in our relationship. 1.1935 0.05130 93 79 10 4
2601 After that, I wasn't a softie anymore. 1.1935 0.04652 93 77 14 2
2602 I had that dream again. The one where I scream, you scream, we all scream. 1.1935 0.05130 93 79 10 4
2603 Most days I can’t leave the house without sprinkles 1.1935 0.04394 93 76 16 1
2604 I sick of being called cone head 1.1935 0.04394 93 76 16 1
2605 It might be a good idea to turn down the temperature first. 1.1935 0.04394 93 76 16 1
2606 Do you think my brain freeze will ever pass? 1.1935 0.04394 93 76 16 1
2607 It's been so long. I can't even remember the last time I got dipped." 1.1935 0.05353 93 80 8 5
2608 Doc, you think I'm headed for a meltdown? 1.1935 0.04119 93 75 18 0
2609 It's so unfair, she always says I'm a hot head! 1.1933 0.04182 119 99 17 3
2610 I cant seem to ignore climate warming 1.1933 0.04182 119 99 17 3
2611 I fell in love with a diabetic. 1.1932 0.05566 88 76 7 5
2612 Saturday Night Live? I loved the Conehead skits. 1.1932 0.05075 88 74 11 3
2613 I really liked the old cone head better. 1.1932 0.05075 88 74 11 3
2614 And I feel inferior whenever people mention the Italian gelato... 1.1932 0.05075 88 74 11 3
2615 They've replaced me with Ben and Jerry's! 1.1932 0.05075 88 74 11 3
2616 There's this jingle I just can't get out of my head. 1.1932 0.04810 88 73 13 2
2617 …and, every time, doc, my hard won victories just seem to melt away. 1.1932 0.04531 88 72 15 1
2618 And then she melted... 1.1932 0.04531 88 72 15 1
2619 I feel like I'm constantly on the verge of a meltdown. 1.1932 0.04810 88 73 13 2
2620 Then some guy scooped her up right in front of me. 1.1932 0.04810 88 73 13 2
2621 I feel like I have brain freeze. 1.1932 0.05566 88 76 7 5
2622 I must be anxious; my thoughts seem to swirl and freeze. 1.1932 0.04810 88 73 13 2
2623 ...and then the machine broke. 1.1932 0.04531 88 72 15 1
2624 Mainly it's the darn Brain Freeze I can't seem to shake. 1.1930 0.04471 114 96 14 4
2625 I hear the whispers. "Mechanical malfunction." What does that even mean? 1.1928 0.04985 83 69 12 2
2626 Everybody thinks I'm a softy . 1.1928 0.04681 83 68 14 1
2627 Don't soft serve me your diagnosis, Doc. 1.1928 0.04681 83 68 14 1
2628 Do you think I’m showing signs of vanility? 1.1928 0.05272 83 70 10 3
2629 All I've ever wanted was to be hugged, but all I get is licks. 1.1928 0.05272 83 70 10 3
2630 Sometimes I feel like I'm just melting into the background. 1.1928 0.04681 83 68 14 1
2631 The wife says I’m too vanilla.” 1.1928 0.04681 83 68 14 1
2632 I find myself increasingly concerned about global warming. 1.1928 0.05272 83 70 10 3
2633 So why medication rather than long-term therapy? 1.1928 0.05544 83 71 8 4
2634 I mean, ‘conehead’? Really? 1.1928 0.04985 83 69 12 2
2635 And I’ve been in a brain freeze ever since 1.1928 0.05272 83 70 10 3
2636 The cold hard facts are no match for the charm of the cherry on top 1.1927 0.04416 109 91 15 3
2637 I start thinking and my head hurts, like my brain is freezing! 1.1927 0.04416 109 91 15 3
2638 You can't tell by looking at me, but I feel empty inside. 1.1927 0.04604 109 92 13 4
2639 Everybody's hiring chocolate. 1.1927 0.04219 109 90 17 2
2640 I’ve got a lot swirling around my head. 1.1927 0.04416 109 91 15 3
2641 My father always called me soft… 1.1927 0.04219 109 90 17 2
2642 I am not a cone head, you are! 1.1923 0.04548 104 87 14 3
2643 My brain is really iced! 1.1923 0.04117 104 85 18 1
2644 I'm learning acceptance. I don't give a lick. 1.1923 0.05492 78 66 9 3
2645 When can I get my depression licked? 1.1923 0.04848 78 64 13 1
2646 I just keep freezing up. 1.1923 0.04338 104 86 16 2
2647 I feel sad that I never made it as a tennis pro. 1.1923 0.05180 78 65 11 2
2648 All my life I’ve been known as a smoothie but I’ve always identified as a tall non fat latte with extra whip 1.1923 0.04941 104 89 10 5
2649 Ben and Jerry are fucking each other. 1.1923 0.04941 104 89 10 5
2650 I appreciate the offer, doc, but shouldn’t I learn to lick my own problems 1.1919 0.04691 99 83 13 3
2651 It's very depressing to always be told that I'm soft in the head. 1.1919 0.04466 99 82 15 2
2652 Doc, I just don’t think I’ll ever get that big promotion. The other fellas at the office are all classic double or triple scoopers. Compared to them, I look soft. 1.1919 0.04906 99 84 11 4
2653 My head's just been swirling lately. 1.1919 0.04229 99 81 17 1
2654 I know, I know. Masculinity is in crisis. But I've always been a softie. 1.1919 0.04691 99 83 13 3
2655 All my life, no mater what I do, I'm always Mr. Softee.” 1.1919 0.04906 99 84 11 4
2656 Doc, it feels like my brain is constantly frozen. 1.1919 0.04229 99 81 17 1
2657 I’m okay with the bow tie and the formal gloves - it’s the dippy hat that torments me. 1.1919 0.04691 99 83 13 3
2658 I keep hearing the same song, over and over… 1.1919 0.04691 99 83 13 3
2659 Could we try something different this time. This one made me the center of attention but did little for my self esteem. 1.1919 0.04691 99 83 13 3
2660 Then she left a scooper on the counter. Right where I could see it. 1.1919 0.04466 99 82 15 2
2661 But I always wanted to be a prosecutor 1.1919 0.04691 99 83 13 3
2662 I know they say you are what you eat, but I never thought it would go this far. 1.1918 0.05740 73 62 8 3
2663 I try to comfort myself with the knowledge that at least I'm not bald 1.1918 0.05740 73 62 8 3
2664 I know. I know. Sometimes a softy is just an ice cream. 1.1918 0.06062 73 63 6 4
2665 I don't want to whipped anymore 1.1915 0.04607 94 78 14 2
2666 I consistently get brain freeze. 1.1915 0.04607 94 78 14 2
2667 It’s hard to get dates when your name is Mr. Softee. 1.1915 0.05079 94 80 10 4
2668 My life story is chilling! 1.1915 0.04351 94 77 16 1
2669 And they always expect me to be the one with a cool head in a crisis. 1.1915 0.04607 94 78 14 2
2670 You were wrong, Doc! Cooler heads DON’T prevail. 1.1915 0.05300 94 81 8 5
2671 I'm learning to set boundaries when people want to lick my hair. 1.1915 0.04351 94 77 16 1
2672 Sometimes I feel like I’m just melting into oblivion. 1.1915 0.05079 94 80 10 4
2673 "Then she said our love making is so "vanilla'". Vanilla? Who is Vanilla? I'm Pistachio!" 1.1915 0.04849 94 79 12 3
2674 Doc, I'm afraid my thoughts are getting a bit too frosty lately. 1.1915 0.04351 94 77 16 1
2675 Just once I want to be hard-headed. 1.1915 0.05300 94 81 8 5
2676 Everyone thinks I'm chill. But I don't FEEL chill. 1.1915 0.04080 94 76 18 0
2677 I’m just having a hard time realizing summer is over. 1.1915 0.04607 94 78 14 2
2678 I’m not into licking fetishes but I keep meeting people who are 1.1915 0.04351 94 77 16 1
2679 I know cooler heads should prevail, but there are limits. 1.1915 0.04607 94 78 14 2
2680 My descent into soft-serve began with cotton candy. 1.1910 0.05270 89 76 9 4
2681 Father was a Toughy. 1.1910 0.04485 89 73 15 1
2682 So you think if I get a blender and add milk I can shake this brain freeze? 1.1910 0.05270 89 76 9 4
2683 But how can I ever get a date when my name is Mr. Softee? 1.1910 0.05022 89 75 11 3
2684 I'm just don't think I can take one more licking, Doc! 1.1910 0.04761 89 74 13 2
2685 Doc, I don't want to be pushed around, but I'm such a softee. 1.1910 0.05270 89 76 9 4
2686 I’m really tired of being called Dairy King! 1.1910 0.05022 89 75 11 3
2687 Does Kanye like ice cream? 1.1910 0.04485 89 73 15 1
2688 It's either existential dread or a brain freeze. 1.1910 0.04761 89 74 13 2
2689 I'm not sure what the point is. 1.1910 0.04485 89 73 15 1
2690 She was just like my mom, so cold to me. 1.1910 0.04485 89 73 15 1
2691 Global warming, lactose intolerance, Ozempic... I just need a break! 1.1910 0.04485 89 73 15 1
2692 Hey Doc, sometimes I lose my head when I get heated, I don't know if you can see it 1.1909 0.04565 110 93 13 4
2693 I'm telling you, doctor, they're all screaming for me! 1.1905 0.04631 84 69 14 1
2694 Everyone assumes I’m Jewish just because my last name’s Cone. 1.1905 0.05482 84 72 8 4
2695 I don’t know why I’m troubled; I always have a cool head. 1.1905 0.04300 105 87 16 2
2696 When I lay my head down at night, all I hear is the screaming. 1.1905 0.04631 84 69 14 1
2697 Chocolate, of course, but when it comes to sprinkles I get all confused. 1.1905 0.04931 84 70 12 2
2698 How in the world can my girl friend call me a hothead? 1.1905 0.04707 105 89 12 4
2699 Ben? Jerry? Baskin? Robbin? I mean, who am I really? 1.1905 0.04508 105 88 14 3
2700 Needless to say, "Mrs" Softee is not at all amused by the irony. 1.1905 0.04897 105 90 10 5
2701 The ironic thing is I'm lactose intolerant. 1.1905 0.04931 84 70 12 2
2702 I wouldn't say freeze, per se.... 1.1905 0.04310 84 68 16 0
2703 No, you can't have 'just a taste'. 1.1900 0.05064 100 86 9 5
2704 I’m terrified of dogs, children, and global warming. 1.1900 0.04648 100 84 13 3
2705 I have this incredible urge to be licked and consumed. Am I sex fiend Doc? 1.1900 0.04648 100 84 13 3
2706 They think I am plain vanilla! 1.1900 0.04191 100 82 17 1
2707 Doctor, I feel like I’ve got a brain freeze 1.1900 0.04861 100 85 11 4
2708 And then she said, "You are what you eat." 1.1900 0.04426 100 83 15 2
2709 I have this constant fear that everyone around me is lactose intolerant. 1.1900 0.04191 100 82 17 1
2710 I have this constant ice cream headache. 1.1900 0.04648 100 84 13 3
2711 I’m terrified of jimmy’s 1.1900 0.04191 100 82 17 1
2712 What if I’d rather be the “bad boy” type that the soft and sweet guy? 1.1900 0.04191 100 82 17 1
2713 Do you offer conitive flavoral therapy?” 1.1900 0.04648 100 84 13 3
2714 I think down deep there's a scoop in me somewhere. 1.1900 0.04861 100 85 11 4
2715 And then things took a dip. 1.1900 0.04426 100 83 15 2
2716 Tell me more about this moment when your brain froze 1.1900 0.04648 100 84 13 3
2717 I can’t be everything to everybody. 1.1900 0.04426 100 83 15 2
2718 My heads in a swirl, doc 1.1900 0.05064 100 86 9 5
2719 All of my softness is considered weakness 1.1899 0.05120 79 66 11 2
2720 I just don't feel like being a softy anymore ! 1.1899 0.04792 79 65 13 1
2721 I don't know why, but I keep getting brain freeze. 1.1899 0.05428 79 67 9 3
2722 You have NO idea of the upkeep for hair like this. 1.1899 0.05428 79 67 9 3
2723 And on Sunday I wear my banana split. 1.1899 0.05120 79 66 11 2
2724 I feel like such a failure...my mother was a baked Alaska at Delmonico's. 1.1899 0.05428 79 67 9 3
2725 My mother was very cold. 1.1899 0.04792 79 65 13 1
2726 The brain freeze is unbearable. 1.1897 0.03855 116 95 20 1
2727 It's not easy always being soft. 1.1895 0.04310 95 78 16 1
2728 All I ever hear is Dairy Queen. Why can’t I be a Dairy King? 1.1895 0.05030 95 81 10 4
2729 If I eat too fast, I get a headache. 1.1895 0.04802 95 80 12 3
2730 The real problem is this constant headache. 1.1895 0.04563 95 79 14 2
2731 I just can’t seem to focus on anything nowadays. It’s like my head is constantly spinning. 1.1895 0.04802 95 80 12 3
2732 My childhood was a rocky road. My father was always cold and said I was too soft. 1.1895 0.04310 95 78 16 1
2733 Does it feel like you’re swirling or spiraling out of control? 1.1895 0.04802 95 80 12 3
2734 My father says I'm soft. 1.1894 0.04043 132 111 17 4
2735 I don’t mind the licking, as long as I am allowed to lick them back. 1.1892 0.05331 74 62 10 2
2736 One screamed, then another, then they all started screaming… 1.1892 0.05667 74 63 8 3
2737 These twisted thoughts swirling around my head make me want to scream 1.1892 0.06287 74 65 4 5
2738 It’s just not fair because if I scream, then I’m a narcissist. 1.1892 0.05985 74 64 6 4
2739 It all started when I misheard my mom say "Fairy Queen" 1.1889 0.04713 90 75 13 2
2740 I wish when we made love that she wouldn’t call me by formal name. 1.1889 0.04440 90 74 15 1
2741 My boyfriend says I'm way too vanilla. 1.1889 0.04713 90 75 13 2
2742 My wife complains that I'm too self-indulgent. 1.1889 0.04440 90 74 15 1
2743 I need to understand why my mother was so cold to me. 1.1889 0.04713 90 75 13 2
2744 I'm just not feeling frosty. 1.1889 0.04713 90 75 13 2
2745 My love life is terrible. Every time my wife kisses me,she gets a headache. 1.1889 0.04970 90 76 11 3
2746 what the world needs now is "Let-Me-Lick-You" therapy 1.1889 0.04970 90 76 11 3
2747 People say I look like my dad but I don't really know- he melted before I was born 1.1889 0.04970 90 76 11 3
2748 That crazy bastard, Spumoni, makes me feel so plain. 1.1889 0.04713 90 75 13 2
2749 She said I was just too soft to satisfy her. 1.1889 0.05450 90 78 7 5
2750 My time is up?? My head hasn't even melted. 1.1889 0.04970 90 76 11 3
2751 I don't understand why I keep getting these brain freezes. 1.1889 0.05216 90 77 9 4
2752 I used to be cool. 1.1889 0.04149 90 73 17 0
2753 I perceive that you’re whipped. 1.1889 0.04440 90 74 15 1
2754 I’m fine, except for my recurring dream that I'm running in slow motion from Gene Simmons. 1.1889 0.04713 90 75 13 2
2755 I said, I want to work for Mr. Softee, not BE Mr. Softee. 1.1889 0.04440 90 74 15 1
2756 Imagine having brain freeze. Now imagine having it every single day of your life. 1.1887 0.04665 106 90 12 4
2757 This brain freeze is really debilitating. 1.1887 0.04263 106 88 16 2
2758 The problem is every day I feel as if I've taken a licking. 1.1887 0.04469 106 89 14 3
2759 I really am trying my best not to sugarcoat it. 1.1887 0.04263 106 88 16 2
2760 …And then she said I was too cold and left me for a Pumpkin Spice Latte. 1.1887 0.04665 106 90 12 4
2761 I'm so tired of being a softie. 1.1882 0.04878 85 71 12 2
2762 Tell me about your brain freeze. 1.1882 0.05157 85 72 10 3
2763 I’m tired of being such a softee. 1.1882 0.04582 85 70 14 1
2764 Doctor, I am so close to a meltdown 1.1882 0.05157 85 72 10 3
2765 So———your the cone head!!! 1.1882 0.04582 85 70 14 1
2766 I was a foster child 1.1882 0.05157 85 72 10 3
2767 I just feel like I'm melting away 1.1882 0.04878 85 71 12 2
2768 I'm just discovering that "Conehead " might not be an affectionate nickname after all!" 1.1882 0.05422 85 73 8 4
2769 I just wanna be smooth and creamy with a bit of crunch Doc. 1.1882 0.04878 85 71 12 2
2770 It ended so soon. 1.1882 0.04582 85 70 14 1
2771 Doctor, sometimes I’m so depressed that I wish I had a two foot tongue and wasn’t lactose intolerant. 1.1881 0.04154 101 83 17 1
2772 You’re right, Doc: it’s time I accepted that I’ll always be just plain vanilla. 1.1881 0.04386 101 84 15 2
2773 Just can't lick this one. 1.1875 0.05061 80 67 11 2
2774 My mother was a real dilly. 1.1875 0.04519 96 80 14 2
2775 I'm tired of being plain vanilla! 1.1875 0.04756 96 81 12 3
2776 I have these recurring dreams of licking my mother... Do you think Freud may have been right? 1.1875 0.04666 112 96 11 5
2777 I call it keeping a cool head. She calls it repressing my feelings. 1.1875 0.05652 80 69 7 4
2778 Everyone else at the plant has been promoted to waffle. 1.1875 0.04270 96 79 16 1
2779 She said she loves me but I'm not good for her. 1.1875 0.04270 96 79 16 1
2780 Sorry...I forgot what I was saying...brain freeze. 1.1875 0.04519 96 80 14 2
2781 Then I gave him a soft serve and lost the set. 1.1875 0.04519 96 80 14 2
2782 Maybe I shouldn't be leading with "I'm Vanilla" 1.1875 0.04981 96 82 10 4
2783 Keeping a cool head just like you suggested! 1.1875 0.04270 96 79 16 1
2784 She said it was alright, we could just cuddle 1.1875 0.04756 96 81 12 3
2785 Sometimes at work, I can’t get over the brain freeze. 1.1875 0.04666 112 96 11 5
2786 So, this is how I die. 1.1875 0.05364 80 68 9 3
2787 The little blue pills just aren't working. 1.1875 0.05364 80 68 9 3
2788 There’s another reason that I’m called Mr. Softee… 1.1869 0.04227 107 89 16 2
2789 This head cold is killing me! 1.1869 0.04430 107 90 14 3
2790 I used to be the coolest guy on the block. 1.1868 0.04396 91 75 15 1
2791 Soft serve doesn’t cut it in the bedroom. 1.1868 0.05393 91 79 7 5
2792 It wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't for the brain freeze 1.1868 0.04665 91 76 13 2
2793 all my thoughts just seem to melt away... 1.1868 0.05162 91 78 9 4
2794 They should not have been allowed to put me through the surgery. Christ, I was only four. 1.1868 0.05393 91 79 7 5
2795 She said I wasn't as supportive as the Waffle Cone. 1.1868 0.04920 91 77 11 3
2796 I'm ashamed to say it, but it's the Queen part that gets to me. 1.1868 0.04920 91 77 11 3
2797 My life is one big ice cream headache, Doc." 1.1868 0.04108 91 74 17 0
2798 I can't keep doing handstands for every order. 1.1868 0.04108 91 74 17 0
2799 I try to keep a cool head. Honest. 1.1868 0.04108 91 74 17 0
2800 I'm so tired of people asking me if I'm from France. 1.1868 0.05393 91 79 7 5
2801 ‘By the time they get to the cherry I ‘m whipped’ 1.1868 0.04665 91 76 13 2
2802 I'm really starting to dislike my name. 1.1868 0.04665 91 76 13 2
2803 what do you mean it’s just a headache? 1.1868 0.04665 91 76 13 2
2804 The kids in school used to call me 'Vanilla Head.' It was very upsetting. 1.1867 0.05597 75 64 8 3
2805 Oh doctor, she says I'm cold-hearted, but in fact I'm freezing my head off! 1.1867 0.05597 75 64 8 3
2806 So, I guess I have been heliophobic for some time now... 1.1867 0.05597 75 64 8 3
2807 I have trouble keeping my cool. 1.1863 0.04564 102 86 13 3
2808 When Lorne told me I could be a Conehead too, this isn’t what I had in mind. 1.1863 0.04564 102 86 13 3
2809 I’m still sad that my mother never believed me about my ice cream headaches. 1.1863 0.04117 102 84 17 1
2810 It's easy for them to say climate change is a hoax. 1.1863 0.04346 102 85 15 2
2811 You don’t get to pick your flavour in life. 1.1863 0.04564 102 86 13 3
2812 I can't handle hard truths. 1.1863 0.04117 102 84 17 1
2813 It’s no use I am licked! 1.1863 0.04346 102 85 15 2
2814 There are so few of us left. 1.1863 0.04346 102 85 15 2
2815 I don’t know what’s wrong, Doc. My brain just keeps freezing. 1.1863 0.04346 102 85 15 2
2816 I feel like I have perpetual brain freeze. 1.1860 0.05101 86 73 10 3
2817 No man wants to be called Soft Serve. 1.1860 0.04826 86 72 12 2
2818 I tried primal scream therapy. You know "I scream, you scream..." and this was the rare adverse effect. 1.1860 0.05101 86 73 10 3
2819 I don’t know why, but I just melt when things get hot. 1.1860 0.04826 86 72 12 2
2820 How would you feel if everyone you met called you Mr. Softee? 1.1860 0.04826 86 72 12 2
2821 People complain I give them headaches. 1.1860 0.04826 86 72 12 2
2822 Everyone just assumes I am a Softee... 1.1860 0.04533 86 71 14 1
2823 My life has had many twists. 1.1860 0.05101 86 73 10 3
2824 Sometimes I think I'm too soft. 1.1860 0.04533 86 71 14 1
2825 My father was a real hard scoop. 1.1860 0.05101 86 73 10 3
2826 Icecream,primally. 1.1860 0.04826 86 72 12 2
2827 I pass as ice cream, but I’m really soft serve yogurt. 1.1860 0.05101 86 73 10 3
2828 Sometimes when I speak my thoughts become frozen. 1.1860 0.04533 86 71 14 1
2829 I met someone,but twists to the left. 1.1860 0.05101 86 73 10 3
2830 And my head has been in a swirl ever since. 1.1860 0.04533 86 71 14 1
2831 It's hard being soft all the time. 1.1860 0.04826 86 72 12 2
2832 I had the Tonight Show for less than year before it melted away… 1.1860 0.04533 86 71 14 1
2833 But why does she keep insisting I'm no good for her? 1.1860 0.05363 86 74 8 4
2834 Doctor, I think I've gone soft in the head. 1.1860 0.05101 86 73 10 3
2835 I always melt at the sight of hot women Doc, please help me 1.1860 0.05363 86 74 8 4
2836 She said we had just melted apart. 1.1860 0.05101 86 73 10 3
2837 All this stress I'm under has me whipped. 1.1856 0.04933 97 83 10 4
2838 I've been feeling like my brain has frozen up. 1.1856 0.04476 97 81 14 2
2839 Everything keeps swirling around in my head. 1.1856 0.04476 97 81 14 2
2840 I am not that soft, I swear! 1.1856 0.04710 97 82 12 3
2841 I think of myself as a warm person, but no one else seems to see that. 1.1856 0.04476 97 81 14 2
2842 My father was soft but cold.My mother was sweet but would melt when the heat was on. 1.1856 0.04476 97 81 14 2
2843 We never went anywhere after I won a baseball game. My parents just took me home. 1.1856 0.04476 97 81 14 2
2844 No one even knows there’s a Dairy King! 1.1856 0.04230 97 80 16 1
2845 She says I'm just too vanilla for her. 1.1856 0.04710 97 82 12 3
2846 The doctor told me the brain freeze is all in my head 1.1856 0.04710 97 82 12 3
2847 I need something good to look forward to 1.1856 0.04230 97 80 16 1
2848 Sometimes I just feel like I could scream ... 1.1856 0.04933 97 83 10 4
2849 My last therapist told me I was soft in the head. 1.1852 0.04343 81 66 15 0
2850 I just want to step out of my safety cone 1.1852 0.05303 81 69 9 3
2851 My father was an iceman and my mother, a milk maid, but I don't see how my past relates to my nightmares about melting. 1.1852 0.04685 81 67 13 1
2852 Why do they keep calling me poop emoji? 1.1852 0.05303 81 69 9 3
2853 I saw her as my dairy queen. Without her, I'm nothing. 1.1852 0.04393 108 91 14 3
2854 Why do people think there is a connection between me and that old SNL skit? 1.1852 0.05003 81 68 11 2
2855 People say I don't give a lick. 1.1852 0.05003 81 68 11 2
2856 Idk Doc, They tell me my brain is just frozen 1.1852 0.04393 108 91 14 3
2857 I keep feeling what’s the point? Everything about me will just melt away. 1.1852 0.05303 81 69 9 3
2858 I’m screaming, you’re screaming, they’re all screaming. And after a few minutes I just melt down. 1.1852 0.05586 81 70 7 4
2859 I hear music….all the time. 1.1848 0.04619 92 77 13 2
2860 Every day - I mean EVERY day - thousands of people bang on my side window for no good reason. 1.1848 0.04619 92 77 13 2
2861 I don't know Doc. We got into a heated argument, and I just melted down. 1.1848 0.05110 92 79 9 4
2862 And then all were screaming! 1.1848 0.04870 92 78 11 3
2863 My ex wife claimed that I have a cold personality! 1.1848 0.05110 92 79 9 4
2864 That’s a hard no to you licking me at the end of every session. 1.1848 0.04870 92 78 11 3
2865 Every time I need to make a decision, my brain freezes 1.1848 0.04870 92 78 11 3
2866 Everyone is always asking "Do the curtains match the drapes?" 1.1848 0.04619 92 77 13 2
2867 I still wake up screaming. 1.1848 0.04870 92 78 11 3
2868 People keep asking,'what's the scoop?' 1.1848 0.04870 92 78 11 3
2869 I knew I’d get in to see you - everyone always makes room for me. 1.1848 0.04870 92 78 11 3
2870 I just feel whipped at the end of every day. 1.1848 0.04870 92 78 11 3
2871 I keep having this dream where I'm melting,melting! 1.1848 0.04870 92 78 11 3
2872 Where have the days of chivalry and courtship gone? Every date I go on it seems like they say ‘hi, nice to meet you’ and then lean in and start trying to tongue me! 1.1848 0.04870 92 78 11 3
2873 I’m jealous of the cups. 1.1845 0.04308 103 86 15 2
2874 My life is melting apart 1.1845 0.04308 103 86 15 2
2875 I keep having these erotic fantasies about getting licked 1.1845 0.04523 103 87 13 3
2876 Nobody likes Vanilla! 1.1845 0.04523 103 87 13 3
2877 ”I’m tired of being told I have a vanilla personality. 1.1845 0.04308 103 86 15 2
2878 I melt under pressure. 1.1842 0.05201 76 64 10 2
2879 ....then she told me she never really liked vanilla anyway... 1.1842 0.05201 76 64 10 2
2880 I'm not accepted for who I am. 1.1842 0.04852 76 63 12 1
2881 Why are you looking at me that way? I came here for help. 1.1842 0.05201 76 64 10 2
2882 Having Trump-hair makes me feel insecure. 1.1842 0.05201 76 64 10 2
2883 But I'm not nuts. I'm soft serve. 1.1842 0.05201 76 64 10 2
2884 I feel so plain vanilla sometimes. 1.1842 0.05201 76 64 10 2
2885 People keep saying," you old softy you." 1.1842 0.04852 76 63 12 1
2886 Honestly, Doc -- do you see a way to get this trouble licked? 1.1839 0.05047 87 74 10 3
2887 Doc, everywhere I go, everyone screams for me! 1.1839 0.04775 87 73 12 2
2888 Sometimes, it get so painful, I scream. 1.1839 0.05305 87 75 8 4
2889 To them I'm just an Old Softie! 1.1839 0.04178 87 71 16 0
2890 I just want to be scooped, is that too much to ask? 1.1839 0.05047 87 74 10 3
2891 I have this feeling that life is melting away from me 1.1839 0.05047 87 74 10 3
2892 People accuse me of being too soft, cold, and vanilla. 1.1839 0.05047 87 74 10 3
2893 Be honest, Doc. Do you think I’m soft in the head?” 1.1839 0.04178 87 71 16 0
2894 I've gone soft, Doc 1.1839 0.04775 87 73 12 2
2895 Sundae Scaries 1.1839 0.04178 87 71 16 0
2896 (Don't lick him you can't be found licking another patient you need this job good god you're an imposter of a therapist you can't even fix yourself this is why Mary-Anne is going to leave you.) 1.1839 0.05047 87 74 10 3
2897 What the hell is the problem with them?! 1.1839 0.05047 87 74 10 3
2898 I creamed my jorts. 1.1837 0.04191 98 81 16 1
2899 Whenever I look in a mirror, I scream! 1.1837 0.04886 98 84 10 4
2900 It just seems my friends don’t have the level of anxiety that I do about the climate crisis. 1.1837 0.04435 98 82 14 2
2901 I just wish I could be like other people and wear hats. 1.1837 0.03932 98 80 18 0
2902 Everyone calls me a softee 1.1837 0.04666 98 83 12 3
2903 My wife has turned hot on me. 1.1837 0.04191 98 81 16 1
2904 It was just that little twist before my meltdown that changed my entire life! 1.1837 0.04191 98 81 16 1
2905 It was just that one time, and my wife won’t let go of the nickname! 1.1837 0.04435 98 82 14 2
2906 Mom never gave me sprinkles... 1.1837 0.04666 98 83 12 3
2907 I gotta warn you, Doc. I'm gonna be a puddle before I get out of here. 1.1837 0.05299 98 86 6 6
2908 I try to be cool, but after “drip”, “cone head” and “brain freeze”, I feel licked. 1.1837 0.04666 98 83 12 3
2909 My wife left me for the Dairy Queen." 1.1837 0.04435 98 82 14 2
2910 It’s so difficult being in a love/hate relationship! 1.1837 0.04666 98 83 12 3
2911 My head, spinning? No, it feels more like just a soft swirl. 1.1837 0.04666 98 83 12 3
2912 Everyone complains I'm too much of a softee. 1.1837 0.04435 98 82 14 2
2913 Why does my whole life constantly in a swirl? 1.1837 0.04191 98 81 16 1
2914 I dunno - my mother was always so cold, maybe that’s why I both crave and shun the warmth of a friendly embrace. 1.1837 0.04435 98 82 14 2
2915 A day didn’t go by when a bully didn’t give me a swirly. 1.1837 0.04435 98 82 14 2
2916 She said she needed time and I was cool. But now she wants to lose 5 more pounds… 1.1837 0.04191 98 81 16 1
2917 Feels like it’s been nothing but rocky roads lately 1.1837 0.04435 98 82 14 2
2918 At least my kids still like me. 1.1835 0.04156 109 91 16 2
2919 I was OK until my girlfriend started calling me Mr. Softee too 1.1829 0.04633 82 68 13 1
2920 Winter is coming. 1.1829 0.05522 82 71 7 4
2921 You have no idea how this affects my luck with the ladies. 1.1829 0.04296 82 67 15 0
2922 You wouldn’t believe how much this costs to keep up. 1.1829 0.04947 82 69 11 2
2923 I feel like everyone wants to take something from me. 1.1829 0.05522 82 71 7 4
2924 I’m a swirl of emotions and on the cusp of a meltdown’ 1.1829 0.05243 82 70 9 3
2925 My girlfriend says I have cold feet, but I don’t think that’s the problem. 1.1829 0.05243 82 70 9 3
2926 Feel like I’ll never have a healthy relationship. 1.1829 0.04947 82 69 11 2
2927 Ice cream You scream He schemes 1.1828 0.04573 93 78 13 2
2928 I can't seem to get rid of this BRAIN FREEZE! 1.1828 0.04310 93 77 15 1
2929 I thought by summer my cravings would have subsided but it looks as though I'll carry them through the winter months. 1.1828 0.04573 93 78 13 2
2930 If everyone's going to address me as 'Mister,' why did I bother getting a PhD in the first place? 1.1828 0.04573 93 78 13 2
2931 I’ve been having this recurring nightmare: I scream, you scream, we all scream. 1.1828 0.05058 93 80 9 4
2932 Your bipolar disorder will take more sessions, so let's resolve the brain freeze issue. 1.1828 0.04573 93 78 13 2
2933 …Then I was dripping. And that’s when I wake up. Heard this jingle before? 1.1828 0.04822 93 79 11 3
2934 I have such a vanilla existence. 1.1828 0.04573 93 78 13 2
2935 I am constantly worried about a meltdown 1.1828 0.05058 93 80 9 4
2936 I came from a mixed marriage. 1.1828 0.04030 93 76 17 0
2937 I mean, I can be a hard ass too when I wanna be. 1.1828 0.04822 93 79 11 3
2938 My wife is always saying I’m too soft 1.1828 0.04030 93 76 17 0
2939 I wish people would just take me at face value and not expect some sort of twist.’ 1.1827 0.04270 104 87 15 2
2940 I have too many scoops of anxiety and I can't stop overthinking its flavors 1.1827 0.04045 104 86 17 1
2941 They all say I'm vanilla 1.1827 0.04270 104 87 15 2
2942 I’m tired of being so vanilla. 1.1827 0.03807 104 85 19 0
2943 I live in a constant state of fight, flight, brain freeze. 1.1818 0.05461 77 66 8 3
2944 I dunno, doc - I just keep getting these extended periods of brain freeze . . . . 1.1818 0.04840 99 85 10 4
2945 She says she loves me but then treats me like trash. 1.1818 0.05461 77 66 8 3
2946 Doc, can we make this short, I’m starting to melt. 1.1818 0.04725 88 74 12 2
2947 So , as to the family , my mother was cold to me and my father was nuts. 1.1818 0.04725 88 74 12 2
2948 I'm trying to be more assertive but people still look at me as 'Mister Softee' . 1.1818 0.04994 88 75 10 3
2949 So this is that post Covid brain freeze? 1.1818 0.04152 99 82 16 1
2950 “They didn’t have chocolate” 1.1818 0.04152 99 82 16 1
2951 My mom gave me a lickin' . 1.1818 0.05139 77 65 10 2
2952 I need your help to not get so hot-headed when I’m upset 1.1818 0.05461 77 66 8 3
2953 You try living with a congenital ice cream headache. 1.1818 0.04994 88 75 10 3
2954 I’m constantly looking for validation from others. 1.1818 0.04440 88 73 14 1
2955 I thought that the SNL skit would fad away, but now I get calls from some Space X agent. 1.1818 0.04994 88 75 10 3
2956 No one likes plain old me. 1.1818 0.04725 88 74 12 2
2957 The scooped kids were always extremely cold towards me. 1.1818 0.04393 99 83 14 2
2958 I feel licked all the time. 1.1818 0.04440 88 73 14 1
2959 That word 'lick.' Honestly, my life is failing one lick at a time. 1.1818 0.05139 77 65 10 2
2960 I need to stop playing it cool. 1.1818 0.04440 88 73 14 1
2961 I don’t know why, but every time I hear bells I feel completely licked. 1.1818 0.04393 99 83 14 2
2962 And that's when my parents told me I was soft serve, not gelato. 1.1818 0.05139 77 65 10 2
2963 I identify as a strawberry conehead. 1.1818 0.05139 77 65 10 2
2964 So,she says you look good enough to eat! But she laughs when I propose! 1.1818 0.04840 99 85 10 4
2965 I spend a lot of time worrying about drips. 1.1818 0.04795 77 64 12 1
2966 And then suddenly, I became inappropriate 1.1818 0.04840 99 85 10 4
2967 I always thought she was a sweet mother. 1.1818 0.04393 99 83 14 2
2968 She was my one and cone-ly... 1.1818 0.03896 99 81 18 0
2969 I keep dreaming of turning the corner, hitting an inexplicable patch of those rainbow sprinkles, and losing control of my vehicle. 1.1818 0.04622 99 84 12 3
2970 People keep licking my coif. 1.1818 0.04622 99 84 12 3
2971 Its as if life keeps squeezing the air out of me, and I'm worried that if it flips me over again everything is going to spill out. 1.1818 0.05766 77 67 6 4
2972 And then all hell broke loose. The freezer died 1.1818 0.04440 88 73 14 1
2973 And she has the audacity to tell me that I'm losing my cool 1.1818 0.04795 77 64 12 1
2974 Sometimes I just feel like screaming. 1.1818 0.04725 88 74 12 2
2975 I have the disturbing feeling that I am soft in the head.' 1.1810 0.04010 105 87 17 1
2976 Getting called "Mister Softee" doesn't do much for my self-esteem. 1.1809 0.04774 94 80 11 3
2977 I feel like I have a meltdown every time I go outside. I think it's a seasonal depression. 1.1809 0.04528 94 79 13 2
2978 Ever since we got married, Mrs Frosty has become progressively frostier. 1.1809 0.04774 94 80 11 3
2979 In every dream I scream, I scream, it has to mean something. 1.1809 0.05008 94 81 9 4
2980 Dairy Queen works with therapist to prevent meltdown 1.1809 0.04774 94 80 11 3
2981 I'm still bothered by a brain-freeze... 1.1809 0.04774 94 80 11 3
2982 I think my problems began when they canceled cream. 1.1809 0.04774 94 80 11 3
2983 You know, Doc, I think I have brain freeze. 1.1809 0.04528 94 79 13 2
2984 I tell you Doc I can't quit thinking about ice cream. 1.1809 0.04774 94 80 11 3
2985 He’d whip me because he said I was a softie. But it just made things worse. 1.1809 0.05231 94 82 7 5
2986 It’s just so hard being soft. 1.1809 0.04268 94 78 15 1
2987 Ann took the kids on Monday, said she was visiting her mom, didn’t say how long, said I had a lot to figure out if I couldn’t see how much my gambling addiction was hurting our family. The college funds are drained. And the dog keeps licking my head 1.1807 0.05723 83 73 5 5
2988 I keep obsessing about global warming 1.1807 0.04892 83 70 11 2
2989 It's true, heatwaves really do bring out the worst in people. 1.1807 0.04582 83 69 13 1
2990 she told me to leave, so ice-creamed. 1.1807 0.04892 83 70 11 2
2991 I know I'm a softie, but I just melt every time she holds me. 1.1807 0.05184 83 71 9 3
2992 I’m not that much of a softee 1.1807 0.04892 83 70 11 2
2993 Growing up in a tough neighborhood, was rough. Everyone thought they could lick me. 1.1807 0.05184 83 71 9 3
2994 My parents won't accept her because she's mixed. 1.1807 0.04582 83 69 13 1
2995 I really fudged up this time, Doc. 1.1807 0.04892 83 70 11 2
2996 She let her dog lick my head and said, "At least you're not a tree." 1.1807 0.05184 83 71 9 3
2997 I'm pretty sure it was Dan Aykroyd in my dream, and he asked me if I wanted to be a Conehead. 1.1807 0.04892 83 70 11 2
2998 No one screams for me anymore. 1.1807 0.05184 83 71 9 3
2999 One leaf falls and all I hear about is Pumpkin Spice 1.1807 0.04892 83 70 11 2
3000 My name is Mister Softee, ffs. 1.1807 0.05184 83 71 9 3
3001 Amazon sent the wrong flavor -again! 1.1807 0.05184 83 71 9 3
3002 Yeah I’ve lost weight but it’s also like I don’t even want to be myself anymore on Ozempic. 1.1807 0.04249 83 68 15 0
3003 Is it that the machine is broken? Or am I? 1.1807 0.04582 83 69 13 1
3004 Doc, I’m having a gender identity crisis. Sometimes it’s Mr. Softee and others, Dairy Queen. 1.1806 0.05354 72 61 9 2
3005 I get no respect. Everyone calls me a softee.” 1.1806 0.05354 72 61 9 2
3006 I just feel like if I step outside I’m gonna die. 1.1802 0.04470 111 95 12 4
3007 People call me Conehead 1.1800 0.04579 100 85 12 3
3008 I had the Conan O'Brien dream again. 1.1800 0.05001 100 87 8 5
3009 My greatest fear used to be a meltdown. Now it's flavor identity--I want to go strawberry blond." 1.1800 0.04579 100 85 12 3
3010 I've always been too cool-headed. 1.1800 0.04353 100 84 14 2
3011 My wife says I am too vanilla for her. 1.1800 0.04353 100 84 14 2
3012 Well, of course I could be warmer. I'm Mr. Frostee, for krissakes! 1.1800 0.04353 100 84 14 2
3013 I have no choice, but to marry an ice queen. 1.1800 0.04579 100 85 12 3
3014 I told the barber I wanted something soft. 1.1800 0.04579 100 85 12 3
3015 Everyone wants to label me "Cone Head" but I want to be a S'more. 1.1800 0.04353 100 84 14 2
3016 Ever since the arrival of Pumpkin Spice, Vanilla has been having an identity crisis. 1.1800 0.04353 100 84 14 2
3017 I have this recurring dream where a woman is licking me all over the top of my head 1.1800 0.04795 100 86 10 4
3018 I can’t seem to think during the summer! 1.1800 0.04579 100 85 12 3
3019 She thinks I have a twisted sense of humor. 1.1800 0.04115 100 83 16 1
3020 Doc, I can’t really explain it. Lately I just feel frozen inside. 1.1800 0.05001 100 87 8 5
3021 Doc, I’ll need more chill pills, I feel a meltdown coming on. 1.1798 0.04676 89 75 12 2
3022 I dreamt I was sorbet again a last night 1.1798 0.04676 89 75 12 2
3023 My wife calls me Mr. Soft Serve. 1.1798 0.04676 89 75 12 2
3024 I've always longed for a swirl. 1.1798 0.04093 89 73 16 0
3025 What's a Carmen Miranda fixation? 1.1798 0.05193 89 77 8 4
3026 In my dream, there was this giant tongue... 1.1798 0.04676 89 75 12 2
3027 Conan O'Brien called. He wants his hair back. 1.1798 0.04941 89 76 10 3
3028 She claims she has fallen out of love with me and wants to be dairy-free 1.1798 0.04394 89 74 14 1
3029 Any strange thoughts swirling through your mind? 1.1798 0.04676 89 75 12 2
3030 If I were a sugar cone, she’d never have left for mister Flavor of the Month. 1.1798 0.04676 89 75 12 2
3031 I always thought I would get to be on Saturday Night Live. 1.1798 0.05193 89 77 8 4
3032 ‘Being sweet isn’t everything a girl needs’ she said. 1.1798 0.04676 89 75 12 2
3033 Doc, I feel life has me licked” 1.1798 0.05193 89 77 8 4
3034 Every time I hear the bells of an ice cream truck, I immediately go into a fetal position. 1.1795 0.05981 78 69 4 5
3035 Yes, I know it happens to a lot of men, but... 1.1795 0.05078 78 66 10 2
3036 And then he just started licking and licking and licking! 1.1795 0.05396 78 67 8 3
3037 My wife says our sex life is too vanilla. 1.1795 0.05396 78 67 8 3
3038 Trust me doc. I know when I’ve been licked. 1.1795 0.05078 78 66 10 2
3039 These thoughts keep swirling in my head. 1.1795 0.05078 78 66 10 2
3040 Please doc ... you gotta help me lick this horrible head cold! 1.1795 0.05078 78 66 10 2
3041 You try suffering from brain freeze 24/7. 1.1795 0.04739 78 65 12 1
3042 My swirlfriend keeps telling me I’m too much of a people-pleaser… 1.1795 0.04739 78 65 12 1
3043 They say I'm cold. It's not personal doc, this who I am 1.1795 0.04137 117 99 15 3
3044 It started years ago with Saturday Night Live 1.1792 0.04795 106 92 9 5
3045 Things were fine until SNL started the Conehead skits. 1.1789 0.04728 95 81 11 3
3046 Am I just twisted? 1.1789 0.04484 95 80 13 2
3047 I swear to god, if one more person says, “It’s all in your head…” 1.1789 0.04484 95 80 13 2
3048 I always feel I’m on the verge of a meltdown. 1.1789 0.04728 95 81 11 3
3049 Why does your fried-egg rug have eyelashes, Doc? 1.1789 0.04959 95 82 9 4
3050 My family just keeps taking advantage of me. They think I'm a real Softee! 1.1789 0.04959 95 82 9 4
3051 I miss my Fall break. 1.1789 0.04484 95 80 13 2
3052 I have no chill anymore. 1.1789 0.04484 95 80 13 2
3053 Are you sure you want to hear? My thoughts are chilling... 1.1789 0.04728 95 81 11 3
3054 End of Summer blues? 1.1789 0.04484 95 80 13 2
3055 Would you mind turning up the AC? 1.1789 0.04227 95 79 15 1
3056 I can't help it, I melt under pressure! 1.1789 0.04484 95 80 13 2
3057 Doc, can you just help me deal with the swirl? 1.1789 0.04728 95 81 11 3
3058 Is it cold in here? Or is it just me? 1.1789 0.04484 95 80 13 2
3059 Then I tried Viagra... 1.1786 0.04838 84 71 11 2
3060 I can be very chill, but then I think about my ex and I start melting.. 1.1786 0.05399 84 73 7 4
3061 People are always licking my do. 1.1786 0.04838 84 71 11 2
3062 It got worse when I started to notice gray sprinkles. 1.1786 0.05658 84 74 5 5
3063 She left a note, it said I'm just too soft. 1.1786 0.05126 84 72 9 3
3064 My ex just changed their status from "single" to "a la mode" 1.1786 0.05126 84 72 9 3
3065 And when she calls you “Mr. Softee”, how does that make you feel? 1.1786 0.04204 84 69 15 0
3066 And then she left me for the chocolate dip down the street. 1.1786 0.04204 84 69 15 0
3067 Yes, I’ve tried pushing my tongue to the roof of my mouth. This headache just won’t go away 1.1786 0.04838 84 71 11 2
3068 It’s impossible to find a good barber in this city 1.1786 0.05126 84 72 9 3
3069 I just feel like such a cone head sometimes.”… “Mmmm. I mean, hmmm. 1.1786 0.04054 112 94 16 2
3070 I wanna be liked,not licked. 1.1783 0.04326 129 112 11 6
3071 There's an ice cream cone that I just can't get out of my head." 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
3072 Even my own therapist thinks I'm soft-serving 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
3073 When your ice cream starts sharing its feelings, you know it's time for 'sundae' therapy! 1.1782 0.04077 101 84 16 1
3074 It’s just that I’ve always wanted to go on a beach vacation but I’m afraid I’ll lose my head. 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
3075 Everybody wants a piece of me! 1.1781 0.05962 73 64 5 4
3076 I've always been a softie... 1.1781 0.04913 73 61 11 1
3077 I'm starting to melt under the pressure. 1.1781 0.05286 73 62 9 2
3078 Don't we all just live in a gelato world? 1.1781 0.05634 73 63 7 3
3079 …and who wants to go out with a man whose name is “Mr. Softee” 1.1781 0.05634 73 63 7 3
3080 But when do I get MY sprinkles? 1.1781 0.05286 73 62 9 2
3081 I feel like a dip but I know I am not. 1.1781 0.04913 73 61 11 1
3082 She said she wanted to try a whip 1.1778 0.04890 90 77 10 3
3083 I thought I looked cool, but everyone just thinks I just soft. 1.1778 0.04350 90 75 14 1
3084 I think it’s a combination of long-term Covid and brain freeze. 1.1778 0.04628 90 76 12 2
3085 I just couldn't stand her calling me a custard-brain every day. 1.1778 0.04053 90 74 16 0
3086 Barbers don’t like me. 1.1778 0.04350 90 75 14 1
3087 I'm the black sheep of the Conehead family. 1.1778 0.04890 90 77 10 3
3088 My wife says I’m just not enough for her anymore - she’s having an affair with the hard scoop guy in the office in the sugar cone. I mean how do I compete with that? 1.1778 0.04890 90 77 10 3
3089 I'm worried I'll have a meltdown. 1.1778 0.04890 90 77 10 3
3090 …and, if all that wasn’t bad enough, I then discovered I was lactose intolerant. 1.1778 0.04350 90 75 14 1
3091 Just call me Bob please. My dad is Mr. Freeze. 1.1778 0.05139 90 78 8 4
3092 She thinks I should be warmer, but her kids love me. 1.1778 0.04890 90 77 10 3
3093 At least no one can accuse me of being hot-headed. 1.1778 0.04350 90 75 14 1
3094 It’s the SNL references that bug me the most. I mean, c’mon, really?! 1.1778 0.04890 90 77 10 3
3095 It always starts with the licking, I feel like I’m losing my head. 1.1778 0.04890 90 77 10 3
3096 I’ve been killing myself in the gym, but everybody still calls me, ‘Soft Serve’. 1.1778 0.04350 90 75 14 1
3097 The climate crisis won't stop swirling around my head 1.1778 0.04350 90 75 14 1
3098 I caught her in bed with an Italian. Said he's better for her health." 1.1772 0.04324 79 65 14 0
3099 Whatever I try I just can't seem to lick it 1.1772 0.04684 79 66 12 1
3100 It all started with my mother- she was rum raisin and a terrible drunk. 1.1772 0.05018 79 67 10 2
3101 Sometimes I think that people don't give a lick about me. 1.1772 0.04684 79 66 12 1
3102 Honestly, I thought I was too old to get a swirlee. 1.1772 0.05332 79 68 8 3
3103 She says I don't focus enough on meeting her needs. But she's lactose intolerant! 1.1772 0.05018 79 67 10 2
3104 i need help to lick this problem, doc. 1.1772 0.05018 79 67 10 2
3105 Everyone says I've got a cool head, but they don't see that I'm really just melting inside. 1.1772 0.04684 79 66 12 1
3106 But, a Stoic shouldn't melt! 1.1772 0.05018 79 67 10 2
3107 I told her, I *am* capable of warmth, it’s just not how I was raised. 1.1772 0.05018 79 67 10 2
3108 I have this reocurring dream whereI fall madly in love with a woman who turns out to be lactose intolerant. 1.1772 0.05332 79 68 8 3
3109 Friends say I'm soft in the head. 1.1772 0.04684 79 66 12 1
3110 The women all assume I have erectile dysfunction. 1.1772 0.05332 79 68 8 3
3111 You scream, they scream… Can’t I just have a day off? 1.1772 0.04684 79 66 12 1
3112 I’m having a hard time since coming out as Dairy Queen. 1.1772 0.05628 79 69 6 4
3113 Doc, thoughts of that frigid b*tch keep swirling in my head 1.1772 0.04684 79 66 12 1
3114 Dr, I'm neither ice nor cream, I'm Non Bindairy 1.1772 0.05018 79 67 10 2
3115 Yo my hair looks like a poop emoji thats messed up doc 1.1772 0.05332 79 68 8 3
3116 When I was five, I dropped it on the sidewalk. That’s when the anxiety started.” 1.1771 0.04441 96 81 13 2
3117 Why must I be dipped? Aren’t I good enough? 1.1771 0.04682 96 82 11 3
3118 They just don’t give a lick. 1.1771 0.04441 96 81 13 2
3119 Global warming has just about killed me. 1.1771 0.04187 96 80 15 1
3120 I just don’t get it Doc. Why do those kids call me cone head? 1.1771 0.04682 96 82 11 3
3121 Everyone just wants to lick me. 1.1771 0.04441 96 81 13 2
3122 It's just that I find myself wafering and waffling too much." 1.1771 0.04910 96 83 9 4
3123 No matter how I try,I just can't do chocolate 1.1771 0.04441 96 81 13 2
3124 So you’re telling me being frozen is a trauma response, not a treat? 1.1771 0.04441 96 81 13 2
3125 Growing up, my father was very hard on me. He always said I was too soft. 1.1771 0.04441 96 81 13 2
3126 Am I trully yummy or they are just saying it? 1.1771 0.03917 96 79 17 0
3127 I feel like she doesn’t take me seriously. She keeps referring to my migraines as “ice cream headaches”. 1.1771 0.04441 96 81 13 2
3128 My hair stylist assured me he was going to work magic with the few strands I had left. But look at me! LOOK at me! 1.1771 0.04682 96 82 11 3
3129 Why do all my relationships become so messy? 1.1765 0.05339 85 74 7 4
3130 I know it's my name, but imagine being that in bed. 1.1765 0.04275 102 86 14 2
3131 I can deal with the brain freeze but the bouffant is drawing stares. 1.1765 0.04707 102 88 10 4
3132 I just wish they would like for myself. 1.1765 0.04275 102 86 14 2
3133 I think I need to get some swirl into my life. 1.1765 0.04041 102 85 16 1
3134 I hate vanilla! 1.1765 0.04275 102 86 14 2
3135 I blame my mother for being too soft on me. 1.1765 0.04909 102 89 8 5
3136 I hate that song and I don't even have ears. 1.1765 0.05520 68 58 8 2
3137 Tennis relaxes me, but I've a soft serve. 1.1765 0.04484 85 71 13 1
3138 I wouldn't mind nearly so much if they'd only call me soft-hearted. 1.1765 0.04786 85 72 11 2
3139 Why can't you be more like your brother?!? Why can't you be more like your brother?!? He's hand-dipped! 1.1765 0.05339 85 74 7 4
3140 No more Mister Softee 1.1765 0.04159 85 70 15 0
3141 She says nothing I think is solid. 1.1765 0.04159 85 70 15 0
3142 We really thought this time we would leave with a child, but the machine was broken again. 1.1765 0.04786 85 72 11 2
3143 I'd always told myself that I was good enough, rich enough, interesting enough, and then I started seeing an artisan gelato. 1.1765 0.04786 85 72 11 2
3144 How do you feel when your family calls you a hothead? 1.1765 0.04909 102 89 8 5
3145 It happened again. She left me for the new flavor of the week. 1.1765 0.04786 85 72 11 2
3146 ...and then she banana split. 1.1765 0.04484 85 71 13 1
3147 I know you want to lick me... 1.1765 0.05339 85 74 7 4
3148 I feel like people only see me for my flavor. 1.1765 0.05520 68 58 8 2
3149 And that’s when the bartender said, “maybe you just have to soft serve somebody, just like everybody else”… 1.1765 0.04484 85 71 13 1
3150 And how did it make you feel when she called you “vanilla”? 1.1765 0.04484 85 71 13 1
3151 I know the world sees "Mr. Softee," but I still just feel like Eric Softkowitz from New Jersey." Imposter syndrome is real, Eric 1.1765 0.04786 85 72 11 2
3152 My mind is still swirling from last night... 1.1765 0.04484 85 71 13 1
3153 My father was sweet, but my mother was cold. 1.1759 0.04329 108 92 13 3
3154 I try to get the words out but my brain just freezes… 1.1759 0.04712 108 94 9 5
3155 I never got over it,Doc. At home I was The Emperor of Ice Cream - but at school they stuck out their tongues and called me Dairy Queen. 1.1758 0.04581 91 77 12 2
3156 I just always freeze up around people. 1.1758 0.04840 91 78 10 3
3157 Do you think I’m being too soft on myself? 1.1758 0.04306 91 76 14 1
3158 I just wish that when I screamed, you didn’t scream so much 1.1758 0.04840 91 78 10 3
3159 Please turn down the heat. 1.1758 0.04581 91 77 12 2
3160 My wife calling me "Mr Softee," makes me not want to join her in bed! 1.1758 0.04840 91 78 10 3
3161 You have no idea what being in the soft serve industry does to your head! 1.1758 0.05321 91 80 6 5
3162 They all scream! 1.1758 0.04306 91 76 14 1
3163 You're telling me my ice cream headaches are all in my head? 1.1758 0.04840 91 78 10 3
3164 I don't see myself as a 'Conehead.' 1.1758 0.04840 91 78 10 3
3165 I am constantly correcting people: it's Mr. C-O-N-E. 1.1758 0.05321 91 80 6 5
3166 I'm screaming, you're screaming, we're all screaming... and then I wake up cold and sticky 1.1758 0.04013 91 75 16 0
3167 Meltdowns are horrible for everyone, but for me they can be deadly! 1.1758 0.04581 91 77 12 2
3168 I feel like my job is my life... 1.1757 0.05219 74 63 9 2
3169 Why can’t I get hard? 1.1757 0.05219 74 63 9 2
3170 I’m tired of being a softie 1.1757 0.04852 74 62 11 1
3171 “Ever since I was little, women would call me Mr. Softie.” 1.1757 0.04852 74 62 11 1
3172 The screams, Doc! The never-ending screams... 1.1757 0.05563 74 64 7 3
3173 It’s just that I’m having a meltdown… 1.1757 0.05219 74 63 9 2
3174 No matter which parlor I go to, this is the only way they will fix my hair! 1.1757 0.05219 74 63 9 2
3175 It's all fun and games until you end up in a cone. 1.1757 0.05219 74 63 9 2
3176 And the meltdown started around noon 1.1757 0.05219 74 63 9 2
3177 Turns out, I’m Mr. Softee on the inside too 1.1757 0.04852 74 62 11 1
3178 And I thought to myself: is it the ice cream machine that’s always broken, or me? 1.1757 0.05219 74 63 9 2
3179 I have a real hard time showing affection. I’m just too cold… 1.1757 0.05563 74 64 7 3
3180 Can you help me get over my head cold? 1.1753 0.04399 97 82 13 2
3181 Doc,I am just tired of getting licked. 1.1753 0.03880 97 80 17 0
3182 No one takes me seriously anymore. 1.1753 0.04148 97 81 15 1
3183 Mom called a softy, dad called me a softy all my friends think I’m a softy. I want to be an authentic ice cream cone, but I don’t know how. 1.1753 0.05079 97 85 7 5
3184 I dated this gorgeous woman, named Bride Frankenstein, last week. She said she loved my hair. 1.1753 0.04637 97 83 11 3
3185 I always thought I was non-dairy 1.1753 0.04399 97 82 13 2
3186 Dating is even more difficult for me. People never want to rush things, and always want to take things super slow, because otherwise I’ll give them a headache. It’s a blessing and a curse. 1.1753 0.04637 97 83 11 3
3187 I keep dreaming of Cherry and a cone, to make me whole snd safe but then the dream becomes all-consuming. 1.1753 0.04148 97 81 15 1
3188 All my life I’ve been told that being sorbet is wrong 1.1753 0.04399 97 82 13 2
3189 She kept calling me a hot head, so I got some work done and now she won’t look at me the same way! 1.1753 0.04637 97 83 11 3
3190 Some people say I'm "chill," but others complain I'm "drippy." 1.1750 0.05562 80 70 6 4
3191 But I want to be loved for my mind, doc. 1.1750 0.05270 80 69 8 3
3192 Do you think sprinkles would help ? 1.1750 0.05270 80 69 8 3
3193 Whenever I try to make a decision, I feel like my brain is froze! 1.1750 0.04960 80 68 10 2
3194 My Father was cold, he froze me out emotionally." 1.1750 0.04960 80 68 10 2
3195 I’m not crying. It’s just hot in here. 1.1750 0.04960 80 68 10 2
3196 I am just tired of taking the lickings 1.1750 0.05270 80 69 8 3
3197 I know everyone says climate change is an existential crisis,but for me it really is. 1.1750 0.04630 80 67 12 1
3198 Mother had always hoped I’d be Dr. Softee. 1.1750 0.04960 80 68 10 2
3199 I’m sorry, doctor, I will never have a Good Humor in my life. I am a Softee. 1.1750 0.05562 80 70 6 4
3200 I feel I need to be more assertive 1.1750 0.04275 80 66 14 0
3201 They all just scream 1.1750 0.04630 80 67 12 1
3202 I'm can't wait for winter. I will finally get time off. 1.1750 0.05270 80 69 8 3
3203 Cone? Dish? Cone? Dish? 1.1748 0.04455 103 88 12 3
3204 I keep telling her I have these headaches and she just says, “Oh, you’re just a big old softie “. 1.1748 0.04236 103 87 14 2
3205 And then they discarded me! 1.1744 0.04116 86 71 15 0
3206 Well, I just feel like I'm always getting screamed at. 1.1744 0.04436 86 72 13 1
3207 First he screamed, then she screamed, then they all screamed...it was horrifying. 1.1744 0.05281 86 75 7 4
3208 ...and then she said she was lactose intolerant 1.1744 0.04436 86 72 13 1
3209 I think I should have been born a Dairy Queen" 1.1744 0.04116 86 71 15 0
3210 I just don't get it. Why would she leave me for shaved ice? 1.1744 0.04436 86 72 13 1
3211 I don't like kids. 1.1744 0.04734 86 73 11 2
3212 So, It seems You have taken this cone-head lifestyle to another level 1.1744 0.05015 86 74 9 3
3213 Doc, I think I'm going soft in the head. 1.1744 0.04436 86 72 13 1
3214 Whaddya say you and me relocate to a place where ice cream dreams and toupee fantasies are off the table? 1.1744 0.04436 86 72 13 1
3215 The incessant jingle I can handle, but Doc, the Viagra jokes.... 1.1744 0.04436 86 72 13 1
3216 No matter my level of commitment to tennis, they keep chanting, "soft serve." 1.1744 0.05281 86 75 7 4
3217 Some days the screams chill me to the core. 1.1744 0.05015 86 74 9 3
3218 Sometimes, it feels like I’ve been singing the same old song my whole life. 1.1744 0.04436 86 72 13 1
3219 I thought I was more of a fight-or-flight kinda guy… 1.1744 0.05015 86 74 9 3
3220 It’s not easy being cream… 1.1744 0.05534 86 76 5 5
3221 It all started when my mother said “I was soft in the head.” 1.1744 0.04436 86 72 13 1
3222 They just keep coming at me, asking for me. *sigh* I don’t know if I can give more of myself 1.1744 0.04734 86 73 11 2
3223 When she left me she said I was so cold 1.1744 0.04734 86 73 11 2
3224 Sometimes you just need to chill@out and cone-fess your problems!” 🍦😅 #therapygoal 1.1744 0.04734 86 73 11 2
3225 My girlfriend started calling me Mister Softie when...well, you know. Trouble is it's gone to my head. 1.1743 0.04292 109 93 13 3
3226 YOU try dating with a name like Mister Softee. 1.1743 0.04850 109 96 7 6
3227 She has a cruel nickname for me... 1.1739 0.04535 92 78 12 2
3228 I wanted a Sugar Cone! 1.1739 0.04791 92 79 10 3
3229 You should never blow your nose in the presence of a magician. 1.1739 0.04535 92 78 12 2
3230 Is soft in the head in the DSM? 1.1739 0.04263 92 77 14 1
3231 …and somehow, it all went to my head! 1.1739 0.04535 92 78 12 2
3232 And then she called me Mr. Softee. It was so humiliating! 1.1739 0.04535 92 78 12 2
3233 I shouldn't have changed my name from Cohen. 1.1739 0.05445 69 59 8 2
3234 I know it's in my head, Doc, but I just wish I could lick it. 1.1739 0.03973 92 76 16 0
3235 I just know Fall is coming and I will be as forgotten as the 4th of July! Happens every year. Am I not "frozen" custard? Just a few months later to knock hot chocolate off its pedestal! 1.1739 0.04263 92 77 14 1
3236 At least HE doesn't give me brain freeze", she said as she walked out the door. 1.1739 0.04535 92 78 12 2
3237 I've avoided the meltdown, but now I feel like I have permanent brain freeze. 1.1739 0.04535 92 78 12 2
3238 Doctor,why does everyone remind me to have an ice day? 1.1739 0.03973 92 76 16 0
3239 Cooler heads usually prevail,but right now THIS cooler head is not prevailing,Doc! 1.1739 0.04791 92 79 10 3
3240 I am just really struggling to understand people who want to take a bite. 1.1739 0.04263 92 77 14 1
3241 I think it’s the childhood trauma from constantly getting swirlies… 1.1739 0.04791 92 79 10 3
3242 I've been a softie all my life and confess I've had my share of lickings. 1.1735 0.04593 98 84 11 3
3243 And the Coneheads don't accept me either. 1.1735 0.04358 98 83 13 2
3244 Somehow, people just sense that I’m too in touch with my feelings. 1.1735 0.04109 98 82 15 1
3245 The truth is: I’ve never been cool enough. 1.1735 0.04358 98 83 13 2
3246 But I don't like to be licked all over. 1.1735 0.04593 98 84 11 3
3247 How can I convince everyone that I’m not a softie? 1.1735 0.05030 98 86 7 5
3248 They call me when they want to cheat but for once I’d like to be someone’s main course. 1.1735 0.04109 98 82 15 1
3249 Sometimes I feel like I’m just too vanilla. 1.1735 0.04109 98 82 15 1
3250 But it was just a lick and a promise. 1.1733 0.05155 75 64 9 2
3251 My mother would never let me sit on the living room furniture.... 1.1733 0.05155 75 64 9 2
3252 Just because I’m seeing you doesn’t make me soft in the head! 1.1733 0.05155 75 64 9 2
3253 I live in a constant fear of sprinkles 1.1733 0.05812 75 66 5 4
3254 My wife is mean….she says that I always manage to live up to my name 1.1733 0.05493 75 65 7 3
3255 Sometimes I just feel more like Mr. BadBar. 1.1733 0.05812 75 66 5 4
3256 You can’t imagine what it’s like to have an unrelenting brain freeze. 1.1733 0.05155 75 64 9 2
3257 I don't consider dipping my head into a pot of melted chocolate to be an acceptable form of therapy 1.1733 0.05493 75 65 7 3
3258 Sometimes I want someone to melt for ME. 1.1733 0.04792 75 63 11 1
3259 Looks like you’ve got a brain freeze! 1.1731 0.03970 104 87 16 1
3260 This ice cream headache is ruining my life! 1.1731 0.04199 104 88 14 2
3261 My head is swirling. 1.1728 0.05209 81 70 8 3
3262 Talk about brain freeze! 1.1728 0.04578 81 68 12 1
3263 I can't stop dreaming. 1.1728 0.04903 81 69 10 2
3264 My traditional family never did accept my preference for rainbow sprinkles. 1.1728 0.04578 81 68 12 1
3265 The brain freezes began at an early age, I think they occur because I come from a churned home. 1.1728 0.04903 81 69 10 2
3266 My wife refuses to call me the Dairy King. 1.1728 0.04903 81 69 10 2
3267 Why can't I be more like Mr. Potato Head? 1.1728 0.04903 81 69 10 2
3268 I’m not the same since I broke up with the Dairy Queen. 1.1728 0.05209 81 70 8 3
3269 She says I'm just too vanilla. 1.1728 0.04903 81 69 10 2
3270 You keep blaming my father but I think it has more to do with the fact that my head is an ice cream cone. 1.1728 0.05771 81 72 4 5
3271 How could I lose that role to Dan Aykroyd? 1.1728 0.04227 81 67 14 0
3272 Women call me soft and sweet—but I want ‘em to savor a true Rocky Road treat. 1.1728 0.04227 81 67 14 0
3273 ‪“Speak right off the top of my head? Doc, I don’t think you have the stomach for it.” ‬ 1.1728 0.04578 81 68 12 1
3274 I always seem to freeze and meltdown.” 1.1728 0.04578 81 68 12 1
3275 I guess some people are just intolerant. 1.1728 0.05497 81 71 6 4
3276 There’s nothing I can do about it. I’ve tried gel, mousse, hairspray, but I can’t tame it. 1.1728 0.04578 81 68 12 1
3277 It’s been so long since I’ve been dipped 1.1728 0.05209 81 70 8 3
3278 Sir, the 'cone head' seems childish, and shows no respect for your bald doctor. 1.1728 0.05771 81 72 4 5
3279 Warmth is just not my thing…. 1.1728 0.05209 81 70 8 3
3280 I just wish she would want me as I am, instead I have to dress up in all that chocolate and sprinkes just for her to want me. Am I not enough? 1.1728 0.05209 81 70 8 3
3281 Doc, I keep having dreams that people are trying to bite my head off! 1.1728 0.04578 81 68 12 1
3282 Everyone says I’m vanilla. 1.1727 0.03844 110 92 17 1
3283 I told the genie to make me someone everyone would LIKE! 1.1724 0.04389 87 73 13 1
3284 So, as you can see, I just can't lick this head problem on my own. 1.1724 0.04961 87 75 9 3
3285 My head is all a swirl 1.1724 0.04389 87 73 13 1
3286 She says I'm soft... 1.1724 0.04961 87 75 9 3
3287 Dad could be cold, all right. But Mom was downright icy. 1.1724 0.04389 87 73 13 1
3288 I don’t mind when I scream or you scream, but when we all scream… 1.1724 0.04389 87 73 13 1
3289 Well my last partner was a real flake… 1.1724 0.05473 87 77 5 5
3290 Aww… I’m licked. 1.1724 0.04684 87 74 11 2
3291 It offends me to be called a Conehead. I am not French ! 1.1724 0.04684 87 74 11 2
3292 Every time I go on a date I freeze up. 1.1724 0.04684 87 74 11 2
3293 Do you think it could be brain freeze? 1.1724 0.04684 87 74 11 2
3294 I suffer from chronic brain freeze. Can you help me? 1.1724 0.04389 87 73 13 1
3295 I’m just such a mess. 1.1724 0.04684 87 74 11 2
3296 I can’t get my mind to stop swirling. 1.1724 0.04389 87 73 13 1
3297 I have these weird thoughts always swirling thru my mind. 1.1724 0.04961 87 75 9 3
3298 They keep calling me soft, but I’m just nutty inside. 1.1724 0.04389 87 73 13 1
3299 I just want the brain freeze to stop. 1.1724 0.04684 87 74 11 2
3300 I just found out I am lactose intolerant. 1.1720 0.04983 93 81 8 4
3301 I shouldn't love her, but I'm just a big softie. 1.1720 0.04221 93 78 14 1
3302 They tell me this brain freeze is all in my head. 1.1720 0.04743 93 80 10 3
3303 I keep having this dream that I’m being eaten and everyone is complaining about brain freeze. 1.1720 0.04743 93 80 10 3
3304 I know it’s irrational, but I can’t help feeling that everyone I meet wants to devour me. 1.1720 0.04221 93 78 14 1
3305 Doctor,Summer is over but I still have brain freeze. 1.1720 0.04221 93 78 14 1
3306 I'm so tired of being called soft. I feel licked. 1.1720 0.04490 93 79 12 2
3307 So it turns out my wife wasn't calling me Mr. Softee because of what's above my shoulders.. 1.1720 0.04743 93 80 10 3
3308 I may be cold, but I'm still a softie inside! 1.1720 0.04221 93 78 14 1
3309 They're always taking advantage of me, but I can't help it - I'm just a Softie. 1.1720 0.04490 93 79 12 2
3310 I don't want to be that kind of sugar daddy. 1.1720 0.04490 93 79 12 2
3311 I see myself as the new cone head 1.1720 0.04221 93 78 14 1
3312 Everybody keeps calling me Softee 1.1720 0.04743 93 80 10 3
3313 I get stressed when they all scream for me. 1.1720 0.04221 93 78 14 1
3314 Doc, I am ready to give up on dating because they all say I am too vanilla. 1.1720 0.04490 93 79 12 2
3315 And how did being flipped upside down make you feel? 1.1720 0.04743 93 80 10 3
3316 I find myself haunted by all the children's screams. 1.1717 0.04771 99 86 9 4
3317 The brain freezes have become more frequent. 1.1717 0.03810 99 82 17 0
3318 It might be a symptom from always being called a Softy 1.1717 0.04071 99 83 15 1
3319 I often think that instead I should be a Dairy Queen. 1.1717 0.04317 99 84 13 2
3320 So then,gulp,she calls me Mr. Softee 1.1717 0.04549 99 85 11 3
3321 It Isn’t Easy Being A Cone Head 1.1717 0.04317 99 84 13 2
3322 I can't decide what flavor I want to be. 1.1717 0.04317 99 84 13 2
3323 My wife said she'll leave me if I soft serve her again 1.1714 0.04537 70 58 12 0
3324 No matter how hard I try, I’ll never be three scoops with a cherry on top. 1.1714 0.05373 70 60 8 2
3325 I can't get past being a meme for ED. 1.1714 0.04376 105 90 12 3
3326 You should see my bowel movements. 1.1714 0.05745 70 61 6 3
3327 White guilt doctor,how can I overcome it? Sprinkles don't seem to help. 1.1714 0.03936 105 88 16 1
3328 They say I am sweet. But am I sweet enough? 1.1714 0.05373 70 60 8 2
3329 Should I just quit if I can’t handle the heat? 1.1714 0.05373 70 60 8 2
3330 I'm torn between sprinkles and chocolate dip. 1.1714 0.04162 105 89 14 2
3331 Being cool-headed does not solve all your problems. 1.1714 0.05373 70 60 8 2
3332 It's the constant headache I resent. 1.1714 0.04973 70 59 10 1
3333 It all started when I got that swirly in high school 1.1714 0.04973 70 59 10 1
3334 It's been a really rocky road these past few years. 1.1714 0.04581 105 91 10 4
3335 The truth is, my mother was a dipshit. 1.1711 0.04348 76 63 13 0
3336 Everyone keeps trying to get inside my head. 1.1711 0.05425 76 66 7 3
3337 Living with the fear of meltdown isn't easy, but my problems are much deeper. 1.1711 0.05091 76 65 9 2
3338 Ironically, they said I need to work on my soft skills. 1.1711 0.05425 76 66 7 3
3339 Unfortunately doc, I'm beginning to suspect my wife only married me because she's addicted to carbohydrates. 1.1711 0.05425 76 66 7 3
3340 Where do I begin - A man licked my head in public without my consent 1.1711 0.05425 76 66 7 3
3341 I don’t know… I just can’t get this jingle out of my head 1.1711 0.05091 76 65 9 2
3342 I feel another meltdown coming on and need to chill out. 1.1711 0.05425 76 66 7 3
3343 I've tried Viagra, Cialis...nothing seems to work. 1.1711 0.05091 76 65 9 2
3344 Lately, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It’s just the morning.” 1.1707 0.05149 82 71 8 3
3345 I can’t self medicate. I’d eat myself alive. 1.1707 0.05149 82 71 8 3
3346 They keep calling me Dairy Queen, but I identify as Carvel. 1.1707 0.05149 82 71 8 3
3347 Doc, its been a rocky road. 1.1707 0.04527 82 69 12 1
3348 Lately I've just been feeling licked. 1.1707 0.04848 82 70 10 2
3349 I don’t mind the chill and whipping, its the licking I can’t stand. 1.1707 0.05149 82 71 8 3
3350 I just feel so licked all the time. 1.1707 0.04527 82 69 12 1
3351 I got used to the sprinkles but the chocolate dip still terrifies me. 1.1707 0.04527 82 69 12 1
3352 Mister Softee" is cute...until it isn't 1.1707 0.05434 82 72 6 4
3353 But I was THE Conehead 'til they came along . . . 1.1707 0.04527 82 69 12 1
3354 If I'm being honest, I'm not really a softy at heart. 1.1707 0.04848 82 70 10 2
3355 Some days I want scream for myself. 1.1707 0.04848 82 70 10 2
3356 Doc, I know that what I will miss most about summer is all in my head! 1.1707 0.04848 82 70 10 2
3357 and then she says, "you scream" and I'm like "I scream"? 1.1707 0.04848 82 70 10 2
3358 I’m just not seen as executive material. 1.1707 0.04527 82 69 12 1
3359 It's just that my father thinks I'm too soft. 1.1707 0.04848 82 70 10 2
3360 I feel like Mr. Softie doesn’t define me anymore. 1.1707 0.04848 82 70 10 2
3361 Would it be okay if we cut today's session short, Doc? I've got a wicked ice cream headache! 1.1707 0.04848 82 70 10 2
3362 So, I have this song stuck in my head.... 1.1707 0.04848 82 70 10 2
3363 Every time I have a meltdown, my friends just want a taste. 1.1707 0.04848 82 70 10 2
3364 I don’t know, Doc, my life just feels so vanilla.” 1.1707 0.04527 82 69 12 1
3365 Once again, Dr. Fletcher was very stoned and oh so hungry. What followed was an unfortunate and not unprecedented hat licking. 1.1707 0.05149 82 71 8 3
3366 People keep telling me I’m such a softie. 1.1705 0.04343 88 74 13 1
3367 I told the surgeon that I wanted to be the best looking Cohen. 1.1705 0.04908 88 76 9 3
3368 I only dream in chocolate. 1.1705 0.04031 88 73 15 0
3369 It’s that damn song. I just can’t get it out of my head. 1.1705 0.04031 88 73 15 0
3370 I'm always getting licked. 1.1705 0.04634 88 75 11 2
3371 Two months ago, I was in demand all over town, but now I have this feeling that nobody likes me. I think it’s some kind of seasonal disorder. 1.1705 0.04908 88 76 9 3
3372 Every time I tell people my name, they assume I'm Jewish. 1.1705 0.04634 88 75 11 2
3373 Gelato, sorbet...no one wants soft-serve vanilla in a sugar cone. 1.1705 0.04343 88 74 13 1
3374 Of course I’m anxious about climate change! 1.1705 0.04343 88 74 13 1
3375 I often wonder what it would be like if I DIDN'T have a swirly on top. 1.1705 0.04343 88 74 13 1
3376 When I came out as Conehead, I just wanted to do it my way 1.1705 0.04343 88 74 13 1
3377 And once he called me a Softee, I really lost it. 1.1705 0.04908 88 76 9 3
3378 I can’t get that song out of my head, I even have nightmares about it, it never stops! 1.1705 0.04634 88 75 11 2
3379 and then he screamed, she screamed, they all screamed.. and it was all because of me 1.1705 0.04031 88 73 15 0
3380 For some reason people just assume I’m always happy. 1.1705 0.05167 88 77 7 4
3381 Am I the freak with an ice cream head in a world of normal people, or are you the freak with a human head in a world of ice cream people? 1.1705 0.04343 88 74 13 1
3382 Then the other kids started saying my head looked like a soft serve ice cream cone. 1.1702 0.04446 94 80 12 2
3383 Frankly Doc , I don't think I can lick this! 1.1702 0.04696 94 81 10 3
3384 Is it any wonder that I see global warming as an existential threat? 1.1702 0.04696 94 81 10 3
3385 Sometimes a Mister Softee Ice Cream Cone is just a Mister Softee Ice Cream Cone 1.1702 0.04446 94 80 12 2
3386 I don’t know, my head just keeps swirling. 1.1702 0.04446 94 80 12 2
3387 Doctor, I keep having this dream that people are licking my head but its not the flavor they want! What does it mean? 1.1702 0.04446 94 80 12 2
3388 "I dread another meltdown at work." 1.1702 0.04696 94 81 10 3
3389 I can't help but notice the donut on the floor. Does that mean I'm not the only fast food that is full of self-reproach? 1.1702 0.04933 94 82 8 4
3390 I hope you can lick this thing once and for all. 1.1702 0.04696 94 81 10 3
3391 i never wanted to get involved with drive-thru 1.1702 0.04933 94 82 8 4
3392 My mother was always disappointed that I wasn’t chocolate ripple. 1.1702 0.04446 94 80 12 2
3393 I-scream in my sleep, doc. 1.1702 0.04933 94 82 8 4
3394 Someone told me they love non-dairy ice cream and I got triggered again. 1.1702 0.04933 94 82 8 4
3395 Climate change, man. My life is melting” 1.1702 0.04180 94 79 14 1
3396 I’m a bed wetter. 1.1700 0.04726 100 87 9 4
3397 My wife says I'm soft in the head. 1.1700 0.04277 100 85 13 2
3398 I've come to realize that adding the "MISTER" to Mister Softee was just me overcompensating for the fact that I'm melting inside. 1.1700 0.04034 100 84 15 1
3399 All my life, people have treated me like a “Softee” 1.1700 0.04277 100 85 13 2
3400 I"m really worried about hot weather! 1.1700 0.03775 100 83 17 0
3401 It’s once again brain freeze,Doc, and I just can’t seem to lick it.” 1.1700 0.04935 100 88 7 5
3402 I guess I’m just a softee. 1.1700 0.04034 100 84 15 1
3403 Doc,is it so wrong to lick back? 1.1698 0.04126 106 90 14 2
3404 I keep having this dream that I’m being tortured by being dunked into a vat of chocolate. 1.1692 0.05174 65 55 9 1
3405 I melt whenever I'm near her. 1.1690 0.05302 71 61 8 2
3406 The problem is, every one wants to bite my head off 1.1690 0.04479 71 59 12 0
3407 It’s hard to recall. It’s all such a swirl. 1.1688 0.05030 77 66 9 2
3408 I'm just a soft-serve man living in a hand-dipped world. 1.1688 0.05359 77 67 7 3
3409 I told the surgeon I wanted to be one of the cool guys. 1.1688 0.05359 77 67 7 3
3410 I can't get that music out of my head. Same two songs, over and over. 1.1688 0.05030 77 66 9 2
3411 People assume that just because I'm cold, I must be distant, too. 1.1688 0.05359 77 67 7 3
3412 I keep telling her: 'I don't like vanilla either.' 1.1688 0.04678 77 65 11 1
3413 Two words, Doc, sphenopalatine ganglioneuralgia. 1.1688 0.04678 77 65 11 1
3414 My wife says I'm a little soft in the head. 1.1688 0.05030 77 66 9 2
3415 Doc, I just can't lick this fear of melting. 1.1688 0.05359 77 67 7 3
3416 The minute I warm up to someone, I start losing my head. 1.1688 0.05030 77 66 9 2
3417 All this talk of global warming is going straight to my head. 1.1688 0.05030 77 66 9 2
3418 Well Doc, it all started during the Tang Dynasty… 1.1688 0.04678 77 65 11 1
3419 I know she's no good for me Doc but what can I say? I'm whipped. 1.1688 0.05030 77 66 9 2
3420 I know what you’re thinking, Doc! You think it should be easier for someone like me to keep a cool head! 1.1688 0.04678 77 65 11 1
3421 I would like to be a hot beverage option. 1.1688 0.05030 77 66 9 2
3422 My life is so… vanilla, you know? 1.1687 0.04476 83 70 12 1
3423 Somehow she ALWAYS has a headache. 1.1687 0.04793 83 71 10 2
3424 In my nightmare I was licking your head. 1.1687 0.04793 83 71 10 2
3425 Then she told me she's sick of all of the soft-serve men of my generation 1.1687 0.04793 83 71 10 2
3426 My wife says I'm "emotionally unavailable", but I'm just cold. 1.1687 0.04793 83 71 10 2
3427 For the moment, I want you to try to let everything on your mind melt away. 1.1687 0.04476 83 70 12 1
3428 Mr. Softee"- ha h 1.1687 0.04135 83 69 14 0
3429 The only friends I have are those who want to lick me 1.1687 0.04476 83 70 12 1
3430 Why do people laugh at me when I tell them I’m from France? 1.1687 0.04476 83 70 12 1
3431 You also said last week had you licked. 1.1687 0.04476 83 70 12 1
3432 I think it’s time to go beyond Vanilla… 1.1687 0.04793 83 71 10 2
3433 Value your soft side! It is not a sign of weakness! 1.1687 0.04793 83 71 10 2
3434 Does your rug look like an egg or am I just anthropomorphising? Be honest. 1.1687 0.04135 83 69 14 0
3435 How would you feel if you had to sing the same song every day for your entire life? 1.1687 0.04476 83 70 12 1
3436 I wish I wasn't such a big Softee 1.1687 0.04793 83 71 10 2
3437 I just can't get that old nursery rhyme out of my head, doc. You remember the one..."you scream, I scream..." 1.1687 0.04476 83 70 12 1
3438 It must be genetic. My brother is a Dairy Queen." -- Leo Sacks and Melinda Wilson, Queens, N 1.1687 0.04793 83 71 10 2
3439 I scream, you scream, we scream", I just want to talk sometime 1.1687 0.04793 83 71 10 2
3440 Look doc, my life just feels really cone-fined. 1.1687 0.04793 83 71 10 2
3441 So they said, "Don't worry. They'll never find you. We'll put you in Witness Protection." 1.1687 0.05372 83 73 6 4
3442 Doc, I'm licked! 1.1687 0.04135 83 69 14 0
3443 My thoughts just keep swirling around. 1.1687 0.04793 83 71 10 2
3444 Can’t they see that I serve? Why do they stop at the soft?! 1.1687 0.04135 83 69 14 0
3445 I can’t get the Dairy Queen pregnant! 1.1687 0.04476 83 70 12 1
3446 I feel like I have no space to be angry, because everyone thinks I’m so sweet. 1.1687 0.04476 83 70 12 1
3447 I think I’m starting to get cold feet. 1.1687 0.04135 83 69 14 0
3448 İ’ve got constant brain freeze 1.1687 0.04793 83 71 10 2
3449 I've always had this fear of melting 1.1685 0.04299 89 75 13 1
3450 I’m having intimacy issues with Mrs. Softie. 1.1685 0.04299 89 75 13 1
3451 Everyone takes me for a pushover,as soon as I introduce myself. 1.1685 0.03991 89 74 15 0
3452 I’m obsessed with her, but she keeps running off with the newest flavor of the month. 1.1685 0.04586 89 76 11 2
3453 Icecream is over 1.1685 0.04299 89 75 13 1
3454 Why are people sticking their tongues out at me all the time? 1.1685 0.04856 89 77 9 3
3455 I keep having these giant meltdowns and I just lose my head. 1.1685 0.04856 89 77 9 3
3456 People seem to think I'm cold. 1.1685 0.04299 89 75 13 1
3457 I’ve had these headaches ever since I was churned. 1.1685 0.04299 89 75 13 1
3458 It's so humiliating. 1.1685 0.04299 89 75 13 1
3459 All the ice creams call me an airhead. It gets to me sometimes. 1.1685 0.04299 89 75 13 1
3460 ‘And then my Dad said “if you’re Mom hadn’t babied you all those years you wouldn’t be such a softie”’ 1.1685 0.04299 89 75 13 1
3461 I can't get over this feeling that I'm taking a licking every day. 1.1685 0.04299 89 75 13 1
3462 I said that I must have sprinkles! No one listens. 1.1685 0.04586 89 76 11 2
3463 I’d really like to be a dip cone, but I worry it’ll look like I’m trying too hard to look younger. 1.1685 0.04586 89 76 11 2
3464 Ackroyd wanted me in the show but I didn't even get a call-back. 1.1685 0.04299 89 75 13 1
3465 I have an anger management problem. I scream. I scream all day, every day. 1.1685 0.04299 89 75 13 1
3466 99 problems 1.1685 0.04586 89 76 11 2
3467 Yepp doctor, things are heating up again 1.1685 0.04586 89 76 11 2
3468 So tell me more, when did she start seeing this froyo? 1.1685 0.04856 89 77 9 3
3469 I know what people think they see but I'm all swirled up on the inside 1.1685 0.04856 89 77 9 3
3470 I dont know, doc. I feel like I've had the biggest brain freeze for years. 1.1685 0.04586 89 76 11 2
3471 Doc, I just have this sensation that my life is just melting away. 1.1684 0.04884 95 83 8 4
3472 I think the lactose intolerant movement has greatly impacted my self-worth. 1.1684 0.04650 95 82 10 3
3473 She’s got a hold of me, and it’s like she’s choking me… and then she tilts her hand slightly, and I slip off and go crashing head-first onto the pavement” — I tell ya doc, it’s my worst nightmare 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
3474 The ice cream man is sick 1.1684 0.03860 95 79 16 0
3475 I feel like I'm just a sample of my former self. 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
3476 My time is melting away. 1.1684 0.04140 95 80 14 1
3477 I'm constantly being followed...by children. 1.1683 0.03997 101 85 15 1
3478 Work’s been eating me up.” 1.1683 0.04238 101 86 13 2
3479 . . . and that eye, that eye in the middle of the floor keeps staring at my vanilla swirl topping, judging me, just like my mother used to, except she'd lick her lips, something, thankfully, that eye lacks. But still . . . 1.1682 0.04500 107 93 10 4
3480 I'm pretty beat up but I don't feel licked yet. 1.1682 0.04300 107 92 12 3
3481 I never knew until she came home smelling like strawberry. 1.1667 0.04255 90 76 13 1
3482 I don't know what's worse, being called a conehead or vanilla. 1.1667 0.04970 78 67 9 2
3483 I fear the next meltdown might be it for me 1.1667 0.05233 72 62 8 2
3484 I'm freezing all the time and my thoughts are in a swirl! 1.1667 0.04604 96 83 10 3
3485 It's hard out there! there's no place for a Mister Softee anymore. 1.1667 0.04970 78 67 9 2
3486 Honestly, I just couldn’t be dipped again! 1.1667 0.04360 96 82 12 2
3487 Still no cure for the common cone 1.1667 0.04539 90 77 11 2
3488 At times I feel that I'm not hard-headed enough. 1.1667 0.04360 96 82 12 2
3489 I can't believe banana split up with me... 1.1667 0.05233 72 62 8 2
3490 Seems like everyone wants a piece of me 1.1667 0.04604 96 83 10 3
3491 I can't be a conehead, I want to be a cheesehead, even though Rogers isn't on the team anymore. 1.1667 0.04837 96 84 8 4
3492 All I do is give, give, give. But what can I do when I'm feeling sad? 1.1667 0.05600 78 69 5 4
3493 Doctor Softee, Professor Softee, The Reverend Softee ... I could keep chasing higher status but it won't fill the empty space inside. 1.1667 0.04623 78 66 11 1
3494 What makes you think this wasn't a dream? 1.1667 0.05575 84 75 4 5
3495 I am almost entirely consumed by a sense of dread. 1.1667 0.04247 78 65 13 0
3496 My head is cold 1.1667 0.03950 90 75 15 0
3497 I just feel like my life right now is so soft serving 1.1667 0.04539 90 77 11 2
3498 The genie's English was spotty,and I think he misunderstood my wish. 1.1667 0.04806 90 78 9 3
3499 She says I’m not interesting… That I’m too vanilla. 1.1667 0.04255 90 76 13 1
3500 Sorry to melt down. It's hard being a softie. 1.1667 0.04255 90 76 13 1
3501 Maybe I am a big softie at heart… 1.1667 0.04623 78 66 11 1
3502 NEED a brave lawyer to sue the Communications Security Establishment 67 million dollars for violating my charter rights and freedoms, the constitution, and for targeting me with non-lethal weapons, & electronic interference." "True and Sweet like u 1.1667 0.05270 96 86 4 6
3503 My superego seems fine, doc. It's my subconecious that's making my head swirl 1.1667 0.04970 78 67 9 2
3504 I’ve got this constant brain freeze. 1.1667 0.04623 78 66 11 1
3505 I just feel so defeated... licked you might say.. 1.1667 0.04091 84 70 14 0
3506 With all due respect doctor, I don't think my frozen brain syndrome can be fixed with chocolate sprinkles. 1.1667 0.04806 90 78 9 3
3507 She's just not down with the swirl. 1.1667 0.04623 78 66 11 1
3508 But the worst part is that I can't get that SONG out of my head! 1.1667 0.03950 90 75 15 0
3509 I was hoping to be chocolate dipped 1.1667 0.04427 84 71 12 1
3510 The muffin man got doxxed. It could happen to anyone. 1.1667 0.05233 72 62 8 2
3511 Well Doc, I think it all began when the neighborhood bullies started calling me a dairy queen. 1.1667 0.03950 90 75 15 0
3512 They all lick me, and I can't lick anybody!" 1.1667 0.04427 84 71 12 1
3513 50 minutes is too long for me to discuss my existential angst. 1.1667 0.05300 90 80 5 5
3514 I'm licked and tired of it! 1.1667 0.04740 84 72 10 2
3515 Doc, I’m having meltdown reading about global warming 1.1667 0.04970 78 67 9 2
3516 They all scream for ice cream! 1.1667 0.04360 96 82 12 2
3517 I live in fear of Kareem Abdul Jabbar. 1.1667 0.04623 78 66 11 1
3518 Finding a hat that fits is the easy part 1.1667 0.04427 84 71 12 1
3519 I can’t help feeling that I’m licked. 1.1667 0.03824 96 80 16 0
3520 I seemed to have lost my sprinkle. 1.1667 0.04845 72 61 10 1
3521 I don’t think I need to tell you why I’m here. 1.1667 0.04970 78 67 9 2
3522 What kind of a name for a CEO is Mr. Softee? 1.1667 0.04837 96 84 8 4
3523 Everyone knows I'm just a drip. 1.1667 0.04427 84 71 12 1
3524 I just feel so desserted. 1.1667 0.03950 90 75 15 0
3525 So the guys all call me Softy, and I hate that. 1.1667 0.05233 72 62 8 2
3526 My girlfriend says it's hard to warm up to me now. 1.1667 0.04970 78 67 9 2
3527 Most people don't care a lick about me. 1.1667 0.04091 84 70 14 0
3528 Sometime memory serves,but sometimes memory soft-serves. 1.1667 0.05934 72 64 4 4
3529 She says I’m too vanilla, Doc 1.1667 0.04806 90 78 9 3
3530 It all began with this brain freeze. 1.1667 0.05034 84 73 8 3
3531 It’s mostly this brain freeze. 1.1667 0.03603 108 90 18 0
3532 And then she said, 'Whip it! Whip it good!' 1.1667 0.05294 78 68 7 3
3533 I have this nightmare where teens are trying to dip me in molten chocolate. What does it mean? 1.1667 0.04623 78 66 11 1
3534 I just feel like I'm melting, doc... 1.1667 0.04623 78 66 11 1
3535 …she couldn’t accept it- she just Couldn’t Believe that I’m yogurt! 1.1667 0.04427 84 71 12 1
3536 I have come to accept that I may never find my Mrs Softy. 1.1667 0.04740 84 72 10 2
3537 Between the hair and the face, my parents couldn't help but name me: Conin'... 1.1667 0.04427 84 71 12 1
3538 Brain Freeze happens to the best of us. It's completely normal. 1.1667 0.04623 78 66 11 1
3539 I feel frozen inside 1.1667 0.04806 90 78 9 3
3540 Every date I go on, they describe me as ‘too vanilla’ for their taste. 1.1650 0.04161 103 88 13 2
3541 ...and with the last name of "Cone", everyone thinks I'm Jewish... 1.1650 0.04596 103 90 9 4
3542 I just don’t understand why everyone wants to pick on me… 1.1650 0.04161 103 88 13 2
3543 I may look like I'm always keeping it cool, but it's all because I don't want others to know I'm actually melting on the inside with anxiety. You know what I mean Doc? 1.1650 0.04161 103 88 13 2
3544 And I feel so dizzy- 1.1649 0.04318 97 83 12 2
3545 It's hard being seen as a Softee. 1.1649 0.04318 97 83 12 2
3546 And then I told the Genie I wanted to a symbol of hope. 1.1649 0.04560 97 84 10 3
3547 My self -esteem is taking a licking. 1.1649 0.04318 97 83 12 2
3548 I’m having a meltdown today. Rhoda Attwood Ottawa, Canada 1.1649 0.04318 97 83 12 2
3549 I hate the nickname Conehad! 1.1649 0.04061 97 82 14 1
3550 I'm just exceptionally anxious about global warming. 1.1648 0.04212 91 77 13 1
3551 The dating scene is tough, doc. My last date said I was too vanilla. 1.1648 0.04212 91 77 13 1
3552 I tried Viagra, but it didn't work. 1.1648 0.03911 91 76 15 0
3553 I feel like my life is just a constant headache. 1.1648 0.04756 91 79 9 3
3554 Ugh, I just feel like my life is so vanilla. 1.1648 0.03911 91 76 15 0
3555 If one more person tells me to put my tongue on the roof of my mouth, I might liqidate myself. 1.1648 0.04756 91 79 9 3
3556 I'm starting to think vertigo was a misdiagnosis. 1.1648 0.04756 91 79 9 3
3557 I'm afraid I can't take the lickin'. 1.1648 0.04492 91 78 11 2
3558 Lately, I've been getting these ice cream headaches... 1.1648 0.03911 91 76 15 0
3559 I tried your suggestion but they still call me Mr. Softee. 1.1648 0.04492 91 78 11 2
3560 My barber wants to lick the top curl. 1.1648 0.04492 91 78 11 2
3561 What are the odds that every woman I meet is lactose-intolerant? 1.1648 0.04212 91 77 13 1
3562 So you think my sudden brainfreezes might be part of my genetics? 1.1648 0.04756 91 79 9 3
3563 I have this reoccurring dream where I’m the bully giving them the swirly. 1.1648 0.05006 91 80 7 4
3564 I just feel like people don't take me seriously. 1.1647 0.04978 85 74 8 3
3565 Everyone takes advantage of me. They know I'm such a softy. 1.1647 0.04688 85 73 10 2
3566 The Dairy Queen won't marry me because she doesn't want her last name to be Taystee. 1.1647 0.04379 85 72 12 1
3567 I keep feeling I’m just a softee 1.1647 0.04688 85 73 10 2
3568 It started one by one; then suddenly it felt like everyone was screaming at me! 1.1647 0.04379 85 72 12 1
3569 Are those strawberry sprinkles? 1.1647 0.04978 85 74 8 3
3570 I just can’t get that tune out of my head! 1.1647 0.04688 85 73 10 2
3571 Sometimes my head just two flavor swirls. 1.1647 0.04688 85 73 10 2
3572 and she just melted 1.1647 0.04047 85 71 14 0
3573 … and then she pulled out the Lactaid! 1.1647 0.04978 85 74 8 3
3574 My parents were always cold to me. 1.1647 0.04978 85 74 8 3
3575 When they began comparing me to a twirly spiral compact fluorescent light bulb, I thought, "Cool - I'm Bright and Convoluted to Boot!" Now, way not so much - I'm like just obsolescent. 1.1647 0.04978 85 74 8 3
3576 Soft serve, also known as soft ice, is a frozen dessert, similar to ice cream, but softer and less dense due to more air being introduced during freezing. Soft serve has been sold commercially since the late 1930s in the United States. 1.1647 0.04978 85 74 8 3
3577 More and more people want chocolate. 1.1647 0.04379 85 72 12 1
3578 Doc, I've got brain freeze. 1.1647 0.04379 85 72 12 1
3579 Really?! 37 years they’ve been calling me ‘Mr Softee’ and you think I can just let that go?! 1.1647 0.04978 85 74 8 3
3580 My mother was cold to me. 1.1647 0.04978 85 74 8 3
3581 …then Lorne Michaels said that I wasn’t the right KIND of conehead… 1.1647 0.05252 85 75 6 4
3582 Then they made me with almond juice , no one liked me 1.1647 0.04379 85 72 12 1
3583 But my greatest regret is never having become Generalissimo Softee. 1.1646 0.05231 79 69 7 3
3584 Everyone I date says I give them a headache. Then I have a melt down.... 1.1646 0.05231 79 69 7 3
3585 Why didn't they call it Dairy King? 1.1646 0.04911 79 68 9 2
3586 Everyone thinks I'm an old Softee. 1.1646 0.04198 79 66 13 0
3587 I don't know, I thought this would make me look cool. 1.1646 0.04568 79 67 11 1
3588 I dread the summer months. 1.1646 0.04198 79 66 13 0
3589 Doc, I'm afraid I'm losing my cool. 1.1646 0.04568 79 67 11 1
3590 I resent the implication of being called, "Mr. Softee"! 1.1646 0.04198 79 66 13 0
3591 They're all over me all summer, but after Labor Day they don't even answer my bell. 1.1646 0.04568 79 67 11 1
3592 I’m lactose intolerant so naturally, I hate myself. 1.1646 0.05532 79 70 5 4
3593 Everyone just tells me I’m soft. 1.1646 0.04568 79 67 11 1
3594 She thinks I’m emotionally frozen 1.1646 0.04568 79 67 11 1
3595 My thoughts are just swirling around. 1.1646 0.04911 79 68 9 2
3596 He'd always recommended letting cooler heads prevail, but at this late hour, with the air conditioning broken and the man's vanilla fantasies right in his face, Dr. Pepper wasn't sure how long he could last before exploding. 1.1646 0.05231 79 69 7 3
3597 My dreams are never in color only chocolate and vanilla. 1.1646 0.04568 79 67 11 1
3598 Ever since Bob invented the twist cone, no one gives me a second glance. 1.1646 0.05231 79 69 7 3
3599 I’m called soft, I’m called twisted, and yesterday a man licked me on an escalator. 1.1646 0.05231 79 69 7 3
3600 I’m just so tired of being screamed at. 1.1646 0.04568 79 67 11 1
3601 It's just been such a rocky road, you know? 1.1646 0.05231 79 69 7 3
3602 If you heard the same song on loop every minute for 8 hours a day, you’d be here too! 1.1646 0.04568 79 67 11 1
3603 I try to act normal despite the fear of an imminent meltdown 1.1646 0.04568 79 67 11 1
3604 Whenever I find myself on this couch, I just know I’m going to be a mess. 1.1646 0.05532 79 70 5 4
3605 How was I supposed to know this is not what they meant when they were casting the sequel to Coneheads? 1.1646 0.04568 79 67 11 1
3606 I dream of sprinkles, every night, it’s all I think about…. but what about my career?” 1.1646 0.04911 79 68 9 2
3607 Is it weird that I eat dairy? 1.1644 0.05166 73 63 8 2
3608 I keep having this nightmare where my head is melting 1.1644 0.05166 73 63 8 2
3609 I ‘m proud of my history, but still feel inferior to gelato. 1.1644 0.04784 73 62 10 1
3610 And what do you think other people mean when they say "lick"? 1.1644 0.05166 73 63 8 2
3611 My mother wanted a waffle cone." 1.1644 0.04784 73 62 10 1
3612 I had the sprinkles dream again. 1.1644 0.05522 73 64 6 3
3613 Doc,I don't know why I keep dreaming about Dairy Queen 1.1644 0.05522 73 64 6 3
3614 Anger management?? I’m just the new flavor, PIST-TOFFEE-O! 1.1644 0.05166 73 63 8 2
3615 The other partners at the firm think I'm going soft. 1.1644 0.04784 73 62 10 1
3616 Then Aykroyd walked in and I knew I was licked. 1.1644 0.04784 73 62 10 1
3617 Being considered as a guilty pleasure or simply unnecessary didn't help my self esteem 1.1642 0.05462 67 58 7 2
3618 Every night I try to remember my dreams but they just melt away 1.1642 0.05462 67 58 7 2
3619 But wait! There's a twist...you know my stories always have one... 1.1633 0.04023 98 83 14 1
3620 But sometimes I want to be a hard-ass. 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
3621 I thought I had tmy troubles licked. 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
3622 I have irreconcilable differences with my wife over the air conditioning temperature. 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
3623 Honestly, I’m just plain licked! 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
3624 It’s really hard to be Mr. Softee. 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
3625 Life is so short 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
3626 My biggest worry is global warming. 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
3627 She told me I'm too vanilla 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
3628 Can you believe she called me a softy? 1.1630 0.04955 92 81 7 4
3629 Everyone I meet from my dating app is stuck in the oral stage. 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
3630 Frozen custard is just not who I am. 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
3631 There's a lot of pressure to go into the family business, Doc. 1.1628 0.04924 86 75 8 3
3632 Of course I get seasonal affective disorder - do you know anyone who wants ice cream in January? 1.1628 0.04004 86 72 14 0
3633 Leave. I can’t stand drips on my couch. 1.1628 0.04637 86 74 10 2
3634 Well, I'd like to confront my fears, but I so dread that first summer day! 1.1628 0.04332 86 73 12 1
3635 I have this reoccurring dream that I go outside without my hat and I just melt away! 1.1628 0.04637 86 74 10 2
3636 I thought any conehead was going to be famous 1.1628 0.04637 86 74 10 2
3637 I think I'm too go-with-the-flow. 1.1628 0.04004 86 72 14 0
3638 Every time I see her, I just melt away 1.1628 0.04004 86 72 14 0
3639 Deep down, I just want to be licked. 1.1628 0.04637 86 74 10 2
3640 Of course it hurts to have an entire category of headache named after me. 1.1628 0.04332 86 73 12 1
3641 I have a fear of the barber. 1.1628 0.04637 86 74 10 2
3642 My girlfriend thinks I should wear sprinkles. 1.1628 0.04637 86 74 10 2
3643 I expected a lot of pushback when I transitioned to yogurt, but outside of the occasional ice cream truck, everybody's been very supportive. 1.1628 0.04332 86 73 12 1
3644 Every time I start to get a little heated, I just shut it down automatically. I don't think this 'feel your feelings' thing is for me. 1.1628 0.04637 86 74 10 2
3645 I removed my sprinkles and still no one seems to take me seriously... 1.1628 0.04637 86 74 10 2
3646 I'm not complaining, but Ms.Softee always swallows. 1.1628 0.05194 86 76 6 4
3647 'Soft in the head' feels inappropriate. 1.1628 0.04332 86 73 12 1
3648 My mother always wanted me to become Gelato. 1.1628 0.04924 86 75 8 3
3649 Everyone’s always screaming at me 1.1628 0.04924 86 75 8 3
3650 Everything is just always swirling around up there, and I can't seem to stop it. 1.1628 0.04637 86 74 10 2
3651 I'm exhausted. I thought this summer would never end. 1.1628 0.04004 86 72 14 0
3652 I just feel like I’m going soft…but maybe it’s all in my head 1.1628 0.04332 86 73 12 1
3653 I may be a softie but I’m not cold-hearted 1.1628 0.04332 86 73 12 1
3654 Once women find out my name is Mr. Softee they lose interest 1.1628 0.04637 86 74 10 2
3655 The brain freeze is terrible, Doc 1.1628 0.04332 86 73 12 1
3656 Most people say I’m a softie” 1.1628 0.04332 86 73 12 1
3657 I'm here because I have meltdowns. 1.1625 0.04853 80 69 9 2
3658 I know it's different but I was tired of being Mr. Plain Vanilla. 1.1625 0.04151 80 67 13 0
3659 My brother got all the attention. He was chocolate. 1.1625 0.04853 80 69 9 2
3660 Sometimes I'd like to be a little nutty. 1.1625 0.04516 80 68 11 1
3661 I was adopted by a couple of Popsicles,whom I quickly learned were lactose intolerant. 1.1625 0.05169 80 70 7 3
3662 I'm really tired of being called 'so vanilla.' 1.1625 0.04151 80 67 13 0
3663 My wife froze me out. 1.1625 0.05169 80 70 7 3
3664 My insights keeep melting away. 1.1625 0.05169 80 70 7 3
3665 She’s convinced it’ll never work because I’m Episcopalian and she’s lactose intolerant. 1.1625 0.04853 80 69 9 2
3666 I question my masculinity when people call me a softee 1.1625 0.04516 80 68 11 1
3667 I keep getting these ice cream headaches and I just can’t seem to figure out why? 1.1625 0.04853 80 69 9 2
3668 " Try being called Mister Softee your whole life and see if you like it. 1.1625 0.04516 80 68 11 1
3669 And then I said to her "One day I hope we can have sprinkles" 1.1625 0.04516 80 68 11 1
3670 When you've got a name like Mr Softee, people think they can just walk all over you. 1.1625 0.04516 80 68 11 1
3671 I just can’t get ice cream off my mind. 1.1625 0.04853 80 69 9 2
3672 Tell me more about this "imposter syndrome." 1.1625 0.04151 80 67 13 0
3673 I’m running on empty calories. 1.1625 0.04151 80 67 13 0
3674 I’ve always thought of myself as nothing more than plain vanilla. 1.1625 0.05169 80 70 7 3
3675 Really doctor? Are you sure that my problems are caused by a brain freeze? 1.1625 0.04853 80 69 9 2
3676 Growing up I never was scooped. 1.1625 0.04151 80 67 13 0
3677 I still believe Dan Ackroyd was my father and Jane Curtin my mom! 1.1625 0.04853 80 69 9 2
3678 Sometimes I'd like to be the little spoon. 1.1625 0.05169 80 70 7 3
3679 Dip me in insights, Doc. 1.1625 0.04151 80 67 13 0
3680 I have interests other than ice cream, I just can’t remember what they are. 1.1625 0.04853 80 69 9 2
3681 I took one look at her and boom, brain freeze. I couldn’t say one word to her. Now she’s gone forever. 1.1625 0.04516 80 68 11 1
3682 Sometimes I feel like I'm screaming inside 1.1625 0.04853 80 69 9 2
3683 I am told they call it a brainfreeze. To me it just feels like a soft serve. 1.1625 0.05169 80 70 7 3
3684 You know what the real irony is? I’m diabetic. 1.1625 0.04853 80 69 9 2
3685 I've just learned that Gelato is just the Italian word for ice cream. Doc, I feel like everything I've ever been told is a lie. 1.1625 0.05169 80 70 7 3
3686 I feel like I’ve been stuck, frozen, for all of my life… 1.1625 0.04853 80 69 9 2
3687 I hear people whispering: 'he's good enough to eat' 1.1622 0.04314 74 62 12 0
3688 I 1.1622 0.04314 74 62 12 0
3689 People are always telling me I’m cold. 1.1622 0.04314 74 62 12 0
3690 Do you think Global Warming is real? Because, I'm not feeling it. 1.1622 0.05451 74 65 6 3
3691 It all started with a 'lick and a promise'" 1.1622 0.04724 74 63 10 1
3692 My name is Darryl Quest. My friends call me DQ. Cannot remember why I am here, as I am having a bit of a brain freeze. 1.1622 0.03740 111 94 16 1
3693 If only I were a cheesehead." 1.1622 0.04314 74 62 12 0
3694 Lately, my sphenopalatine ganglioneuralgia has been just terrible. Do you think it is the change to pumpkin spice? 1.1622 0.05101 74 64 8 2
3695 I really was the first of the Coneheads,but no one believes me. 1.1622 0.04724 74 63 10 1
3696 Am I woke yet? 1.1622 0.04724 74 63 10 1
3697 Sometimes my brain just seems to freeze up. 1.1622 0.04724 74 63 10 1
3698 Then she said I was too cold and too sweet. Excuse me? Total brain freeze. 1.1622 0.04314 74 62 12 0
3699 I don't mind the cold... it's the licking that bothers me. 1.1622 0.05101 74 64 8 2
3700 I just feel frozen in my life. 1.1622 0.04724 74 63 10 1
3701 Maybe I’m just too soft 1.1622 0.04314 74 62 12 0
3702 She said I gave her the cold shoulder, but look at me, how could it be possible. I just don’t get women.. 1.1622 0.03953 111 95 14 2
3703 I feel like I am always melting 1.1622 0.04724 74 63 10 1
3704 You try getting a date when your name is Mr. Softee. 1.1618 0.04963 68 58 9 1
3705 Doctor, I’ve always had an overwhelming fear of hair dryers. 1.1618 0.04963 68 58 9 1
3706 You mean it's not my imagination? 1.1618 0.05387 68 59 7 2
3707 Life's a swirl, and then you drip... 1.1618 0.05780 68 60 5 3
3708 Some of us are just plain vanilla 1.1616 0.03986 99 84 14 1
3709 I have this recurring dream that Tom Carvel is my father. 1.1613 0.04128 93 79 13 1
3710 It comes on suddenly and goes away just as fast... but I can't NOT eat it or slow down! 1.1613 0.04660 93 81 9 3
3711 I usually start off with a cool head but, when things get heated, I totally meltdown. 1.1613 0.04904 93 82 7 4
3712 Can you help me keep a cool head and avoid meltdowns? 1.1613 0.04402 93 80 11 2
3713 I’m so sick of the conehead jokes! 1.1613 0.04128 93 79 13 1
3714 When I go into meltdown, I'm a mess! 1.1613 0.04660 93 81 9 3
3715 My keep dreaming that I'm voted Wisconsin State Fair Dairy Queen. 1.1613 0.04402 93 80 11 2
3716 She's always using the 'I got brain freeze' excuse. 1.1613 0.04402 93 80 11 2
3717 They said I was "soft in the head!" 1.1613 0.04402 93 80 11 2
3718 I’m in love with this chocolate dip but I’m afraid my family won’t accept her. 1.1613 0.04402 93 80 11 2
3719 For some reason, I can’t seem to get going around lunchtime. 1.1613 0.04660 93 81 9 3
3720 You have to understand… it wasn’t just that one guy, or even just him and his friend, it’s that they were ALL screaming about me. 1.1613 0.04660 93 81 9 3
3721 It's so much pressure with everyone screaming for me. 1.1613 0.04128 93 79 13 1
3722 They just push me away and then they feel fine… but what about my brain freeze? 1.1613 0.04660 93 81 9 3
3723 To be honest with you, Doc, I thought this was an employment agency. 1.1613 0.04402 93 80 11 2
3724 I feel like my memories are frozen in time. 1.1609 0.04286 87 74 12 1
3725 It was clearly countertransference and he could lose his therapist’s license, but Jon simply HAD to fuck that soft serve cone. He pondered a moment more…he should really also buy some curtains instead of hanging those old mom jeans in the window. 1.1609 0.04588 87 75 10 2
3726 I deal with it pretty well but frankly I’m really getting tired of the sprinkles jokes. 1.1609 0.04286 87 74 12 1
3727 Is it not enough to question my manhood, do they have to hum the jingle at me too? 1.1609 0.04588 87 75 10 2
3728 Lick. Like. No straw. 1.1609 0.04588 87 75 10 2
3729 It was supposed to be Dairy King before she divorced me. 1.1609 0.03962 87 73 14 0
3730 It feels like my life is melting away before my very eyes. 1.1609 0.04588 87 75 10 2
3731 I feel incomplete. Something round, red... 1.1609 0.05137 87 77 6 4
3732 Let’s keep it cool today, otherwise I will have a melt down 1.1609 0.04588 87 75 10 2
3733 Now that summer’s over, I’m having a hard time finding meaning in my life. 1.1609 0.04870 87 76 8 3
3734 My Parents would never dip me. 1.1607 0.04311 112 98 10 4
3735 I know it happens to all guys at some point, but being called Mr. Softee is not helping. 1.1605 0.04797 81 70 9 2
3736 It’s too much responsibility to be the one thing that makes everyone happy. 1.1605 0.04464 81 69 11 1
3737 People laugh and call me a real conehead. 1.1605 0.04464 81 69 11 1
3738 My friends first Began calling me Dairy Queen on the farm and I guess it just took off from there 1.1605 0.04464 81 69 11 1
3739 Don't you feel exposed without a topping? 1.1605 0.04797 81 70 9 2
3740 I just can’t deal with beach traffic… 1.1605 0.05403 81 72 5 4
3741 I'm just tired of living a plain vanilla life! 1.1605 0.04797 81 70 9 2
3742 I'm a big softy and I'm having a total meltdown. 1.1605 0.04104 81 68 13 0
3743 Now that it’s October, my favorite hat is out of style, 1.1605 0.04464 81 69 11 1
3744 And then she called me the "Cone of Shame"... 1.1605 0.05109 81 71 7 3
3745 Screwy, isn’t it? 1.1605 0.04797 81 70 9 2
3746 Anyone...I just want to give somebody a good lickin' for once. 1.1605 0.04104 81 68 13 0
3747 Sometimes I feel as if I were melting. 1.1605 0.04797 81 70 9 2
3748 When things gets too hot—I melt. 1.1605 0.04797 81 70 9 2
3749 I really didn't think that Connie and I were that different. 1.1605 0.04464 81 69 11 1
3750 I think I have earworms,Doc. 1.1605 0.04464 81 69 11 1
3751 I can't seem to keep a relationship,they all leave me saying -I'm a big softee. 1.1605 0.04464 81 69 11 1
3752 Doc - I’m worried my brain freeze will melt on your couch. 1.1605 0.04464 81 69 11 1
3753 Maybe you just need some time in the sun. 1.1605 0.04464 81 69 11 1
3754 Mother was always disappointed in me for not having sprinkles. 1.1605 0.04464 81 69 11 1
3755 I need to get my swirl back. 1.1605 0.04464 81 69 11 1
3756 Being called "Mr. Softee" for thirty years hasn't helped. 1.1605 0.04797 81 70 9 2
3757 Kids love Mr Softee but your wife? I suggest Viagra. 1.1605 0.04797 81 70 9 2
3758 I’ll play along but lick my hair and I’m outta here. 1.1605 0.04464 81 69 11 1
3759 My cone hated me. 1.1605 0.04797 81 70 9 2
3760 She’s chocolate and I’m vanilla. I really thought we could swirl. 1.1605 0.04464 81 69 11 1
3761 It’s just been a rocky road lately. 1.1605 0.05109 81 71 7 3
3762 I’ve been attracted to gelato ever since was just a cone. Even Italian ice makes me melt. 1.1605 0.04797 81 70 9 2
3763 Even though I have a Neopolitan heritage, I just feel so vanilla. 1.1600 0.04665 75 64 10 1
3764 I'm thinking of changing my name to something more assertive. 1.1600 0.04262 75 63 12 0
3765 Tell the giant to move away from the window! 1.1600 0.05383 75 66 6 3
3766 I know I should have held firm but I guess I'm just a big softee. 1.1600 0.04262 75 63 12 0
3767 After she left I started having a meltdown. 1.1600 0.04665 75 64 10 1
3768 I keep getting these brain freezes. 1.1600 0.05383 75 66 6 3
3769 My classmates would take turns giving me a licking. 1.1600 0.05383 75 66 6 3
3770 I'm tired of being called Cone Head! 1.1600 0.05383 75 66 6 3
3771 I can't get the music out of my head, it's driving me crazy. 1.1600 0.04665 75 64 10 1
3772 My brain keeps freezing, Doctor. 1.1600 0.04262 75 63 12 0
3773 I've always been a hot head. I don't understand what's happening 1.1600 0.04197 100 86 12 2
3774 Would you like to be called soft in the head? Would you? 1.1600 0.04665 75 64 10 1
3775 But cooler heads have not prevailed, doc. 1.1600 0.05383 75 66 6 3
3776 I don't know, Doc. Everything in my head just seems twisted. 1.1600 0.04665 75 64 10 1
3777 I know I'm too soft doc, but I've always felt compelled to serve. 1.1600 0.04665 75 64 10 1
3778 There are so many thoughts swirling on my head 1.1600 0.04665 75 64 10 1
3779 I auditioned six times for Saturday Night Live, but they still don't think I'm funny! 1.1596 0.04358 94 81 11 2
3780 Well, I’ll lay it out for you, Doc. I always wanted to have a Drumstick haircut just like the other boys!” 1.1596 0.03797 94 79 15 0
3781 Everybody sees me as a softie. 1.1596 0.04088 94 80 13 1
3782 Just once I’d like a sprinkle of praise instead of, you know, tiny M&M’s. 1.1596 0.04855 94 83 7 4
3783 After years of marriage, my wife says I'm 'too vanilla' 1.1596 0.04613 94 82 9 3
3784 Even Viagra didn't work. 1.1596 0.04358 94 81 11 2
3785 I have nightmares about being dipped in chocolate 1.1594 0.05313 69 60 7 2
3786 I always try to be firm, but my friends say I’m too soft. 1.1594 0.04439 69 58 11 0
3787 I told her I had heliophobia and she said she also didn’t like balloons. 1.1594 0.05700 69 61 5 3
3788 I always feel soft in the head. 1.1594 0.04439 69 58 11 0
3789 I was hoping to bring all the boys to the yard, but I told the surgeon 'ice-cream'when I meant 'milkshake'. 😢 1.1594 0.05313 69 60 7 2
3790 I’m finally coming to grips with the possibility that the screaming might never end 1.1594 0.05313 69 60 7 2
3791 She ditched me for spumoni and sprinkles. 1.1591 0.03921 88 74 14 0
3792 My life feels so vanilla 1.1591 0.04539 88 76 10 2
3793 I keep having this dream where I'm being chased by hordes of school children with gigantic incisors, and they drive me straight into the arms of a dentist that looks like Hitler. 1.1591 0.04818 88 77 8 3
3794 My wife would keep screaming 'You're an abomination! THIS CAN'T BE!' but I'm yogurt doc, I really am. 1.1591 0.04241 88 75 12 1
3795 It's the incesant licking I can't stand. 1.1591 0.04539 88 76 10 2
3796 Doing quite well - just can't seem to break free of these headaches. 1.1591 0.04818 88 77 8 3
3797 That's the last time I do hot yoga. 1.1591 0.04818 88 77 8 3
3798 My wife thinks I’m a softy. 1.1591 0.04539 88 76 10 2
3799 This is a problem I just can't lick. 1.1591 0.04241 88 75 12 1
3800 I don't know, I'm just feeling kind of whipped lately. 1.1591 0.04818 88 77 8 3
3801 I just feel so ‘plain vanilla’. 1.1591 0.04241 88 75 12 1
3802 I keep having this reoccurring dream of having a meltdown due to global warming ! 1.1591 0.04539 88 76 10 2
3803 So I’m a softie. Is that so bad? 1.1591 0.04241 88 75 12 1
3804 . . . but whose serving me? 1.1591 0.04241 88 75 12 1
3805 I don't know doctor, sometimes I feel like I am just not cool enough 1.1591 0.04241 88 75 12 1
3806 i usually try to maintain a cool head but she really made my heart melt 1.1591 0.04539 88 76 10 2
3807 I haven’t been able to maintain an erection since 1956 1.1591 0.04818 88 77 8 3
3808 Tell me all about how this love affair with a cup came to an end 1.1589 0.03791 107 91 15 1
3809 There are just so many thoughts swirling around in there 1.1587 0.05163 63 54 8 1
3810 Then she gave me the ol’ ‘it’s not you, it’s me - I’m lactose intolerant’ line! 1.1587 0.05163 63 54 8 1
3811 ...and then she said that I am too soft to handle her cones. 1.1585 0.04743 82 71 9 2
3812 As long as I can remember, I've been treated coldly by everyone. 1.1585 0.04414 82 70 11 1
3813 I feel whipped out all the time... 1.1585 0.05050 82 72 7 3
3814 Everyone says I needn’t worry about climate change. Am I crazy doc? 1.1585 0.04414 82 70 11 1
3815 I have this recurring dream where Mother keeps licking my head. 1.1585 0.04414 82 70 11 1
3816 I just feel like I've got 99 problems 1.1585 0.04414 82 70 11 1
3817 She left me. I was just too vanilla for her. 1.1585 0.05050 82 72 7 3
3818 No one believes i'm an alien anymore.... 1.1585 0.05050 82 72 7 3
3819 Doctor, please help me. I keep having the same dream that I'm melting! 1.1585 0.04058 82 69 13 0
3820 Women think I'm sweet but lack substance 1.1585 0.05050 82 72 7 3
3821 So much of my energy goes into not being perceived as soft... 1.1585 0.04414 82 70 11 1
3822 Nobody licks me.” Paul Wigle Toronto 1.1585 0.04743 82 71 9 2
3823 We grew up poor. My parents couldn't even afford to buy us sprinkles. 1.1585 0.05050 82 72 7 3
3824 Am I a softee? 1.1585 0.04058 82 69 13 0
3825 Doc, I'm whipped. 1.1585 0.04414 82 70 11 1
3826 I'm soft, not vacuous. 1.1585 0.04414 82 70 11 1
3827 I'm told meltdowns run in my family. 1.1585 0.04414 82 70 11 1
3828 Cone heads was such a poor representation of everyone who has a cone on their head. 1.1585 0.04743 82 71 9 2
3829 Doc here’s the scoop, I scream before I have a meltdown. 1.1585 0.04058 82 69 13 0
3830 Somehow I just always feel licked 1.1585 0.04414 82 70 11 1
3831 My parents always favored my sister, Premium Hand-Scooped. 1.1585 0.04058 82 69 13 0
3832 That's when I first realized that being cool can be not cool 1.1585 0.04743 82 71 9 2
3833 "My head is all aswirl doc. 1.1585 0.04414 82 70 11 1
3834 She says I'm ice cold, and I'm like, "baby I thought that's what you wanted?" 1.1585 0.04058 82 69 13 0
3835 My mother warned me, but I kept wishing for one anyway! 1.1585 0.04414 82 70 11 1
3836 ONE Ice Cream Headache too many 1.1585 0.05050 82 72 7 3
3837 I’ve got a headache,” she’d always say, and I believed her. Then I discovered she’d been using Sensodyne the whole time 1.1585 0.04058 82 69 13 0
3838 It all started with an ice cream headache. 1.1585 0.04743 82 71 9 2
3839 Beneath the surface, I'm really just a cone-head. 1.1585 0.04743 82 71 9 2
3840 I had that nightmare of hot fudge rain showers again. 1.1585 0.04058 82 69 13 0
3841 I just can't decide doc. Waffle cone or cup? 1.1585 0.04414 82 70 11 1
3842 I have chronic brain freeze and it’s really taking a mental toll on me. 1.1585 0.04414 82 70 11 1
3843 People lick me. They really lick me. 1.1579 0.04975 76 66 8 2
3844 Why do people keep calling me Mr. Softee? 1.1579 0.04975 76 66 8 2
3845 Sometimes I just want to dip my head in chocolate sauce. 1.1579 0.04608 76 65 10 1
3846 It's getting harder to keep my cool. 1.1579 0.05316 76 67 6 3
3847 I keep worrying this huge tongue will eat my brain. 1.1579 0.04048 95 81 13 1
3848 I really need to understand how my parents shaped me into a conehead before I melt. 1.1579 0.04608 76 65 10 1
3849 ...and people call me 'cone head'..." 1.1579 0.04975 76 66 8 2
3850 ...and my sex life consists of women performing fellatio on my head. 1.1579 0.05316 76 67 6 3
3851 I still can't get over not getting the part of a conehead on SNL. 1.1579 0.05636 76 68 4 4
3852 And they call me a “Conehead.” 1.1579 0.04048 95 81 13 1
3853 SNL rejected my cone head idea. 1.1579 0.04608 76 65 10 1
3854 You know what’s really crazy! Making a movie 14 years after Aykroyd left the cast! 1.1579 0.04316 95 82 11 2
3855 You take a very vanilla approach to my problems, but there's a twist in there somewhere. 1.1579 0.04975 76 66 8 2
3856 There’s this horrible tune I can’t get out of my head. 1.1579 0.04975 76 66 8 2
3857 My partner and I get together at lunchtime for a Lickie. 1.1579 0.04608 76 65 10 1
3858 Well, of course I experience feelings of ambivalence. After all, both of my parents were waffle cones. 1.1579 0.05636 76 68 4 4
3859 I guess you're right - maybe I am a little cold 1.1579 0.04211 76 64 12 0
3860 Any chance for a discount; I can't stay the full 50 minutes. 1.1579 0.04608 76 65 10 1
3861 I've already tried "Gluten Free Singles", "Smoothies", and "Dairy Maids" 1.1579 0.04975 76 66 8 2
3862 My mother always watched the cone heads on SNL! 1.1579 0.04608 76 65 10 1
3863 I understand this has been a Rocky Road for you… 1.1579 0.04975 76 66 8 2
3864 When I meet a woman that I’m attracted to, I melt. 1.1579 0.04608 76 65 10 1
3865 The scream therapy has been too much 1.1579 0.04316 95 82 11 2
3866 Why can’t it ever be ‘Mr. Reliable’ 1.1579 0.04975 76 66 8 2
3867 I’m not very popular with the ladies. 1.1579 0.04568 95 83 9 3
3868 I just feel like my life has been on a downward vanilla swirl 1.1579 0.04608 76 65 10 1
3869 I just feel whipped. 1.1573 0.04767 89 78 8 3
3870 I just can't get that damn jingle out of my head! It's maddening. 1.1573 0.04491 89 77 10 2
3871 I thought you said “edible,” not Oedipus! 1.1573 0.04767 89 78 8 3
3872 Yes it appears odd,but underneath I'm bald,and who would want to look like that ? 1.1573 0.04491 89 77 10 2
3873 I can see that. You truly are the coolest! 1.1573 0.05028 89 79 6 4
3874 I don’t know doc, I worry that I’m not interesting. I’m not funny or smart… honestly compared to others, I just feel so vanilla. 1.1573 0.04491 89 77 10 2
3875 … then, Doc, they shouted Get Dipped. 1.1573 0.04491 89 77 10 2
3876 In a world that increasingly requires more technical expertise, I feel all I can offer is soft skills. 1.1571 0.05242 70 61 7 2
3877 I wanted to be different ! 1.1571 0.04381 70 59 11 0
3878 The ED jokes, Marge Simpson comparisons, my lactose intolerance…where to start? 1.1571 0.05623 70 62 5 3
3879 It's not a big issue in the winter, but in summer my dry-cleaning bills are outrageous. 1.1571 0.04831 70 60 9 1
3880 My parents were always very cold” 1.1571 0.05242 70 61 7 2
3881 Well my father’s nickname was banana split if that tells you anything. 1.1571 0.04831 70 60 9 1
3882 Doctor, why do I keep freezing when I'm in front of a microphone? 1.1566 0.04364 83 71 11 1
3883 I can't seem to lick this problem..... 1.1566 0.04014 83 70 13 0
3884 Worse, my middle name is Sprinkles. 1.1566 0.04364 83 71 11 1
3885 They said Brain Freeze could replace the Scarecrow in the sequel of TheWizard of Oz, but I couldn't just be a strawman. 1.1566 0.04364 83 71 11 1
3886 I thought Turkish ice cream was just a flavor...! 1.1566 0.04689 83 72 9 2
3887 It’s cold at the top, man! 1.1566 0.04364 83 71 11 1
3888 It’s been a rocky road since the divorce. 1.1566 0.04689 83 72 9 2
3889 You might get the urge to lick. Please don't. 1.1566 0.04364 83 71 11 1
3890 and to make my anxiety even worse, global warming is making it harder and harder to style my swirl. 1.1566 0.04689 83 72 9 2
3891 Every time I go to the movies someone behind me starts licking my head! 1.1566 0.05279 83 74 5 4
3892 Ben and Jerry make me feel inadequate. 1.1566 0.04364 83 71 11 1
3893 Is this all there is? I feel hollow. 1.1566 0.04364 83 71 11 1
3894 Sometimes I wish I were a brown bonnet, just to understand their experience in a vanilla world. 1.1566 0.04689 83 72 9 2
3895 I-...I-...I- just worry no one cares one lick about me anymore. 1.1566 0.04689 83 72 9 2
3896 It’s a permanent brain freeze it never melts. 1.1566 0.04364 83 71 11 1
3897 My buddies are so interesting and I just feel so...vanilla. 1.1566 0.04364 83 71 11 1
3898 It's always the same dream--a little girl walks up and asks, "Are you one scoop or two?" 1.1566 0.04689 83 72 9 2
3899 We'll tackle your problems one scoop at a time. 1.1566 0.04014 83 70 13 0
3900 Doc, I’m spiraling 1.1566 0.04014 83 70 13 0
3901 -And that was the cherry on top 1.1566 0.04364 83 71 11 1
3902 I feel like I'm swirling out of control 1.1566 0.04992 83 73 7 3
3903 Of course I have seasonal affective disorder - who wants ice cream in January? 1.1566 0.04992 83 73 7 3
3904 I keep having these dreams my brain is melting 1.1562 0.05088 64 55 8 1
3905 Vanilla is good but give red velvet a try next time" 1.1562 0.05984 64 57 4 3
3906 I'm dyslexic with a constant head cold. 1.1562 0.04274 96 83 11 2
3907 It didn’t help that, in the Men’s Room, when I was a kid, dad would point at it and yell “Me. Softee!” 1.1562 0.04523 96 84 9 3
3908 Sometimes it feels like I’m going to have a major meltdown. 1.1558 0.04553 77 66 10 1
3909 ''Look Doc, I got 99 problems but being cool ain't one.'' 1.1558 0.04914 77 67 8 2
3910 I have nightmares of kids licking me to death. 1.1558 0.04914 77 67 8 2
3911 My jingly tune attracts all the kids on the block and suddenly the wing-nuts are calling me a "groomer." 1.1558 0.05250 77 68 6 3
3912 Please, please don't ask for a lick! 1.1558 0.04553 77 66 10 1
3913 People say I’m frosty but I’m a really warm hearted guy! 1.1558 0.04161 77 65 12 0
3914 I feel like I'm melting away! 1.1558 0.04553 77 66 10 1
3915 I don't know Doc, people tell me I'm cold 1.1558 0.05250 77 68 6 3
3916 and when the summer is over,no one needs me anymore 1.1558 0.04914 77 67 8 2
3917 This writers block is like my brain is frozen. 1.1558 0.04161 77 65 12 0
3918 When she danced she held me tight and when she walked me home that night, all the stars were shining bright. And then she licked me. 1.1558 0.05566 77 69 4 4
3919 I may be twisted but I’m soft. 1.1558 0.04553 77 66 10 1
3920 And they kept licking, and licking… 1.1558 0.04914 77 67 8 2
3921 My world is just vanilla, no sprinkles, no flavor! 1.1558 0.04553 77 66 10 1
3922 When we were growing up, it was always 'Cookie Puss this' and 'Cookie Puss that.' 1.1558 0.04553 77 66 10 1
3923 I just melt so easily. 1.1558 0.04553 77 66 10 1
3924 My whole life I've tried to be more assertive, yet for some reason I'm still thought of as Mr. Softee. 1.1558 0.04914 77 67 8 2
3925 Nobody understands. I can't leave the freezer without complete strangers licking me. And the biters. They are the worst. 1.1558 0.05250 77 68 6 3
3926 No matter how sharp I dress, they keep saying my serve is soft. 1.1558 0.04553 77 66 10 1
3927 People tell me I’m getting soft in the head. 1.1558 0.04914 77 67 8 2
3928 I've always wanted to be Ms. Tastee. 1.1558 0.04914 77 67 8 2
3929 My thoughts are just swirling. 1.1558 0.04553 77 66 10 1
3930 My brain is a swirl of emotions. 1.1558 0.04553 77 66 10 1
3931 They just don't know what a 'brain freeze' really feels like. 1.1558 0.04914 77 67 8 2
3932 And to top it all off, I have the worst headache! 1.1558 0.04914 77 67 8 2
3933 I figured out why I hate myself so much. I’m lactose intolerant! 1.1558 0.04553 77 66 10 1
3934 the beat dropped and then my face just…melted. 1.1558 0.04553 77 66 10 1
3935 I just feel like my brain freezes everytime I have something important to say! 1.1558 0.04553 77 66 10 1
3936 They licked my mind. 1.1558 0.04553 77 66 10 1
3937 I feel consumed by my own EQ 1.1558 0.04553 77 66 10 1
3938 How can I tastefully tell women that I'm OK 'down there'? 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
3939 They keep telling me it's tinnitus, but no, no, I'm sure it's a memory!! 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
3940 And then she complained about the brain freezes, as if it’s my fault. 1.1556 0.04154 90 77 12 1
3941 So does this mean I'm warm-hearted? 1.1556 0.04154 90 77 12 1
3942 Doc, how can I gain some confidence when I'm always acting like such a softee? 1.1556 0.04154 90 77 12 1
3943 Do you have a rate for ten minutes? 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
3944 I have this terrible brain freeze lately. 1.1556 0.04154 90 77 12 1
3945 I keep being mistaken for a Conehead. 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
3946 Some days, I worry that I'm going soft. 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
3947 Say doc, I don’t feel very good Tell me about it It all happened so fast. Before I knew it, I felt the inside of a tongue How did that make you feel? Licked. It made me feel licked. 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
3948 I don't like the way people look at me on hot days. 1.1556 0.03842 90 76 14 0
3949 Some days I just feel like a frozen yogurt. 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
3950 My wife said I’m too vanilla. I’m trying have a sense of humor about it. 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
3951 I'm starting to wonder about the value of keeping a cool head. 1.1553 0.04310 103 90 10 3
3952 Who is it that's going to give you this "good licking"? 1.1549 0.05172 71 62 7 2
3953 I'm suffering from brain freeze.... 1.1549 0.05172 71 62 7 2
3954 I think it all started when I couldn't decide between the rainbow and chocolate sprinkles. 1.1549 0.05172 71 62 7 2
3955 Brain freeze is a killer 1.1549 0.04325 71 60 11 0
3956 I feel like I just keep getting licked. 1.1549 0.04325 71 60 11 0
3957 You know, I really think if I could just freeze time every so often, I wouldn’t melt down so easily… 1.1549 0.05172 71 62 7 2
3958 Sometimes mid sentence I just freeze... 1.1549 0.04767 71 61 9 1
3959 I live in constant fear of having a meltdown. 1.1549 0.04767 71 61 9 1
3960 My wife says I'm soft-headed 1.1549 0.04325 71 60 11 0
3961 Let me tell you quickly before I melt. 1.1549 0.05172 71 62 7 2
3962 I dreamed that they were going to ban Dairy Queen next. 1.1549 0.05172 71 62 7 2
3963 Global warming, Doc. It’s getting to me. 1.1549 0.05172 71 62 7 2
3964 It’s the music I can’t get out of my head. 1.1549 0.04767 71 61 9 1
3965 I know I look cold on the outside, doc, but trust me, I'm a real softie and melt easy. 1.1549 0.04325 71 60 11 0
3966 I don’t know if I’m Soft Serve or just another fancy coffee. 1.1548 0.04936 84 74 7 3
3967 How do I feel about that? How would YOU feel if you just learned your biological parent was an ice cream cone?? 1.1548 0.04936 84 74 7 3
3968 Everyone keeps telling me I'm one scoop shy of a full cone. Help me, Doc! 1.1548 0.04936 84 74 7 3
3969 I keep hearing this jingle. It's driving me crazy! 1.1548 0.04316 84 72 11 1
3970 Softer than that. 1.1548 0.03970 84 71 13 0
3971 …do I even have to say it? 1.1548 0.04316 84 72 11 1
3972 My mind's always in a swirl. 1.1548 0.04637 84 73 9 2
3973 This climate change situation is really beginning to affects me. 1.1548 0.03970 84 71 13 0
3974 Its always the same dream. I'm playing the wicked witch in the Wizard of Oz, and you know what happens to her in the end.... 1.1548 0.04316 84 72 11 1
3975 Man, talk about an ice cream headache! 1.1548 0.04936 84 74 7 3
3976 I can't let people find out it's really shaving cream. 1.1548 0.04637 84 73 9 2
3977 I feel like everyone thinks I'm a softie. 1.1548 0.03970 84 71 13 0
3978 Fight, flight, or freeze, eh? 1.1548 0.03970 84 71 13 0
3979 The last thing I need right now is another meltdown. 1.1548 0.04316 84 72 11 1
3980 Even with the little blue pill, I am still Mister Softee 1.1548 0.05487 84 76 3 5
3981 I don't wanna be *nice*. 1.1548 0.04637 84 73 9 2
3982 The doctor told me my ice cream headache is all in my head. Help me. 1.1548 0.04637 84 73 9 2
3983 Honestly, I haven't felt this bad since I tried Pad Thai! 1.1548 0.04637 84 73 9 2
3984 It's something about the end of summer... 1.1548 0.04936 84 74 7 3
3985 I keep having meltdowns. 1.1548 0.04316 84 72 11 1
3986 Being a cone-head is one thing...but its no fun being a Sno-Conehead. People are always asking if I'd like to be licked " 1.1548 0.03970 84 71 13 0
3987 Doc, you ever feel like you're in a constant state of brain freeze? 1.1548 0.04637 84 73 9 2
3988 They always freeze me out when the leaves begin to change, Doc. 1.1548 0.04936 84 74 7 3
3989 I know in my heart of hearts how harmful beauty standards are, but I just hate my calves. 1.1548 0.04936 84 74 7 3
3990 I’d be ok if it weren’t for the constant ice cream headaches. 1.1548 0.04637 84 73 9 2
3991 Doctor, my head just doesn’t stop spiraling 1.1548 0.04637 84 73 9 2
3992 I just can’t seem to get rid of this brain freeze 1.1548 0.04637 84 73 9 2
3993 Even glaciers are melting, I don't feel safe anymore 1.1548 0.04936 84 74 7 3
3994 At this point I'm too embarrassed to tell my barber I've been saying 'soft curls', not 'soft serve' for years. 1.1548 0.04637 84 73 9 2
3995 I am a queen, I am. 1.1546 0.03971 97 83 13 1
3996 I can't deal with the sundae scaries. 1.1546 0.03971 97 83 13 1
3997 My barber’s first career was with the Dairy Queen. 1.1545 0.03915 110 95 13 2
3998 I can’t keep pretending to be fat-free.” 1.1538 0.04923 91 81 6 4
3999 I have nightmares about my cousin, Frosty the Snowman. 1.1538 0.04498 78 67 10 1
4000 I just don't think there's a Misses Softee out there. 1.1538 0.05473 65 57 6 2
4001 I can't tell anymore if they are screaming at me or for me 1.1538 0.04112 78 66 12 0
4002 Girls think I'm cold, but I just melt at the slightest touch. 1.1538 0.04112 78 66 12 0
4003 My old therapist thinks there’s a reason I only date lactose intolerant women. 1.1538 0.04855 78 68 8 2
4004 There was a green room and a red room and a blue room and a… a… a CUM ROOM 1.1538 0.05186 78 69 6 3
4005 I thought it was cool. 1.1538 0.04271 104 91 10 3
4006 Call it what you wish, but it's global warming, and I'm worried. 1.1538 0.04923 91 81 6 4
4007 Doctor, why do some people say that I'm soft in the head? 1.1538 0.04498 78 67 10 1
4008 I can't believe she'd leave me for a sprinkle-flaunting, sugar-coned, hand-scooped gelato. A gelato! 1.1538 0.04399 91 79 10 2
4009 Remind me again about the inner child thing. 1.1538 0.04112 91 78 12 1
4010 I usually have a hard time lying down. 1.1538 0.04498 78 67 10 1
4011 they keep calling me mr. softee 1.1538 0.04399 91 79 10 2
4012 It’s just that they all seem to think I’m so boring. Always whispering behind my back “he’s plain vanilla.” 1.1538 0.05165 91 82 4 5
4013 I know, I know- I can't control the situation, but I can control my reaction. 1.1538 0.04510 65 55 10 0
4014 I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream! Doctor, can we please focus on MY feelings for a minute? 1.1538 0.04498 78 67 10 1
4015 And then those kids would yell 'Sprinkles with that?' and throw dirt on my head. 1.1538 0.05186 78 69 6 3
4016 I feel everyone wants to give me a good licking. 1.1538 0.04498 78 67 10 1
4017 I don't want to be a drip! 1.1538 0.04498 78 67 10 1
4018 I thought I was progressing, but then the brain freezes started. 1.1538 0.05186 78 69 6 3
4019 I keep thinking the rug on the floor is a melted double scoop. I feel guilty and oddly excited at the same time. 1.1538 0.04399 91 79 10 2
4020 Viagra doesn’t help, although it’s hard to admit it. 1.1538 0.04855 78 68 8 2
4021 And my parents were lactose intolerant. 1.1538 0.04498 78 67 10 1
4022 She said it was just a summer romance! 1.1538 0.05473 65 57 6 2
4023 It's this horrible, recurring nightmare. Hot sidewalks all the way to the horizon... 1.1538 0.04668 91 80 8 3
4024 It’s not that I’m afraid of the sun.. 1.1538 0.04498 78 67 10 1
4025 I told her, “You scream.” And she replied, “I scream?” And then I pointed out, “We all scream!” 1.1538 0.04855 78 68 8 2
4026 My barber is stumped. 1.1538 0.04112 78 66 12 0
4027 Doc, why am I having both hunger pangs and brain freezes? 1.1538 0.04399 91 79 10 2
4028 My partner says I should be more well-rounded. 1.1538 0.04498 78 67 10 1
4029 I miss sprinkles. 1.1538 0.04498 78 67 10 1
4030 I thought she was in love, but I guess I was just the flavor of the month... 1.1538 0.04855 78 68 8 2
4031 I can't seem to get in touch with my inner kiddie cone. 1.1538 0.04498 78 67 10 1
4032 Doc, I can’t help feel like I’m melting inside. 1.1538 0.05015 65 56 8 1
4033 My head is just swirling 1.1538 0.04855 78 68 8 2
4034 It's over! She says I'm too vanilla. 1.1538 0.05015 65 56 8 1
4035 She called me cold. Ironically, that's when I had my first meltdown. 1.1538 0.04112 78 66 12 0
4036 The brain freezes are bad enough, but it’s the constant Snickerdoodle Cookie Dough smell I can’t live with. 1.1538 0.03803 91 77 14 0
4037 I’m ready to live my truth as Miss Softie. 1.1538 0.04112 91 78 12 1
4038 Sometimes I wish I was an ice cream that everybody likes 1.1538 0.04855 78 68 8 2
4039 I’ve been called “soft” my whole life. 1.1538 0.05473 65 57 6 2
4040 Rejected from SNL, doctor, they said I’m just not funny; I guess there’s no other choice for me but to take that job as cartoon editor at the New Yorker. Dang 1.1538 0.04855 78 68 8 2
4041 I just can't get flakes out of my head 1.1538 0.04112 91 78 12 1
4042 Easy for you to say. You’re bald! 1.1538 0.04112 91 78 12 1
4043 You scream and I scream, we all scream... it's a very jarring life. 1.1538 0.04498 78 67 10 1
4044 Is my whole life just one repeating jingle? 1.1538 0.04498 78 67 10 1
4045 I just can’t get Jimmy off my mind. 1.1538 0.05498 78 70 4 4
4046 She called me Mr Softee.. IN THE BEDROOM!!! 😭😭😭😂😂😂 1.1538 0.04855 78 68 8 2
4047 Doc everyone thinks I'm soft 1.1538 0.04112 78 66 12 0
4048 I don't know doc, I think she's cheating on me with a harder man. 1.1531 0.04667 98 87 7 4
4049 I never wanted to be Mister Softee. That was my dad’s dream. I just wanted to be Ken Softee, architect. 1.1531 0.04887 98 88 5 5
4050 Doc,I don't seem to be able to get over this brain freeze. 1.1531 0.03933 98 84 13 1
4051 My wife say I'm overcompensating by being so hard on my kids. 1.1529 0.04269 85 73 11 1
4052 People keep trying to lick me! 1.1529 0.04585 85 74 9 2
4053 I'm afraid I may be using too much hair creme. 1.1529 0.04269 85 73 11 1
4054 I thought only canines were forced to wear the cone of shame 1.1529 0.04585 85 74 9 2
4055 I just keep feeling like I have brain freeze 1.1529 0.04585 85 74 9 2
4056 It's not the cold, it's the constant dripping. 1.1529 0.04269 85 73 11 1
4057 I just feel like my brain is stuck in a permanent downward spiral. 1.1529 0.04881 85 75 7 3
4058 Do you provide speedy therapy. I’ve only got 15 minutes before my brain melts. 1.1529 0.04269 85 73 11 1
4059 I wanted to be a Cone-head on SNL. 1.1529 0.04269 85 73 11 1
4060 They told me my brain was like soft serve! 1.1529 0.04269 85 73 11 1
4061 They call me a softie! 1.1529 0.04269 85 73 11 1
4062 Children follow me wherever I go. 1.1529 0.04881 85 75 7 3
4063 I'm nothing more than cookies and dreams without my toppings. 1.1529 0.04269 85 73 11 1
4064 Women find me boring. Maybe I need to spice it up with some sprinkles, nuts, hot fudge? 1.1529 0.04269 85 73 11 1
4065 I tried Viagra. It didn't help" 1.1529 0.04269 85 73 11 1
4066 My mind is twisted. 1.1529 0.04585 85 74 9 2
4067 I don't know why my wife accuses me of being cold. 1.1529 0.04585 85 74 9 2
4068 Yes, I know what my problem is, but I can’t lick it. 1.1529 0.04585 85 74 9 2
4069 I have no control - I just keep blowing my toppings. 1.1529 0.04881 85 75 7 3
4070 All this therapy, and still, I scream when I look in the mirror. 1.1529 0.04585 85 74 9 2
4071 Doc, am I that intolerable or am I just being paranoid? 1.1529 0.05160 85 76 5 4
4072 Everyone says I can't handle the hard truth 1.1529 0.03927 85 72 13 0
4073 I try to put on a brave face, but deep down I’m just a softee 1.1529 0.04269 85 73 11 1
4074 I feel like I have the worst brain freeze ever, but my wife says it’s all in my head. 1.1528 0.04706 72 62 9 1
4075 I tell ya Doctor, I'm just licked! No pun intended. 1.1528 0.04706 72 62 9 1
4076 People never want to me as a person! 1.1528 0.05474 72 64 5 3
4077 People say I'm just a softie. 1.1528 0.05104 72 63 7 2
4078 I'm tired of being a people pleaser. 1.1528 0.04706 72 62 9 1
4079 Recently, I've been so depressed, it seems as if I'm melting. 1.1528 0.04270 72 61 11 0
4080 It all started when SNL did this bit about my people being from France 1.1528 0.05104 72 63 7 2
4081 I find myself stressing about permanent brain freeze. 1.1528 0.04706 72 62 9 1
4082 I seem to have a constant brain freeze. 1.1528 0.04706 72 62 9 1
4083 Why am I called Mr. Softee behind my back? 1.1528 0.04706 72 62 9 1
4084 ...but I feel hard as a rock, inside. 1.1528 0.04270 72 61 11 0
4085 My ego is swelling in tasty ways. 1.1528 0.05104 72 63 7 2
4086 My wife's family is lactose intolerant. 1.1528 0.04706 72 62 9 1
4087 It’s just confusing…how does her milkshake bring all the boys and my yard’s always empty? 1.1528 0.05474 72 64 5 3
4088 There’s no way Oswald could have got off all those shots with that shitty rifle they found in the book depository. 1.1528 0.05104 72 63 7 2
4089 I feel like I’ve lost my sprinkles… 1.1528 0.04270 72 61 11 0
4090 My head keeps getting those cold flashes.” 1.1522 0.04070 92 79 12 1
4091 I look calm but inside I scream. 1.1522 0.04620 92 81 8 3
4092 I'm concerned about my tendency to be hot-headed 1.1522 0.04070 92 79 12 1
4093 It's all these people in my head, Doc! Sometimes I'm Ben. Sometimes I'm Jerry. And, Lordy, sometimes I'm Edy! 1.1522 0.04354 92 80 10 2
4094 I'm depressed, but don't feel like I'm totally licked yet. 1.1522 0.04354 92 80 10 2
4095 My friends tell me I’m wound too tight. 1.1522 0.04354 92 80 10 2
4096 I had that dream again—where I’m being chased. 1.1522 0.03765 92 78 14 0
4097 My mother never licked me as a child. 1.1522 0.04354 92 80 10 2
4098 I’ve really been struggling with lactose intolerance at the office. 1.1522 0.04354 92 80 10 2
4099 I know it sounds like I’m being paranoid but I just feel like all of my friends ditch me when winter comes along. 1.1519 0.04064 79 67 12 0
4100 I don’t mind how it looks; it’s the headaches that are driving me crazy. 1.1519 0.04064 79 67 12 0
4101 I can’t stop obsessing about not getting the chocolate dip. 1.1519 0.04064 79 67 12 0
4102 I'm an actor, but every time I get under the stage lights I just melt down. 1.1519 0.04064 79 67 12 0
4103 I feel like a conehead. I 'd rather be in a bowl. 1.1519 0.04445 79 68 10 1
4104 How does Tom Carvel take a dump? 1.1519 0.04064 79 67 12 0
4105 And if I were to mention, in these moments, that I strangled a complete stranger with a guitar string two weeks ago in Iowa City, just to see what it felt like, just to see if I could... Do you keep that sort of thing confidential? Hypothetically? 1.1519 0.04797 79 69 8 2
4106 It all started when they gave me a swirley. 1.1519 0.04797 79 69 8 2
4107 I also told the plastic surgeon about my fetish. 1.1519 0.04445 79 68 10 1
4108 But I identify as a smoothie. 1.1519 0.04445 79 68 10 1
4109 I just can't get it out of my head 1.1519 0.04064 79 67 12 0
4110 Everyone calls me a softie, but I'm really just a cone head. 1.1519 0.04064 79 67 12 0
4111 It began with "Dairy Queen." 1.1519 0.04797 79 69 8 2
4112 WANNA LICK? 1.1519 0.04064 79 67 12 0
4113 It's just that the snowman has a following with that little song. 1.1519 0.04064 79 67 12 0
4114 People always tell me that I'm cold. 1.1519 0.04445 79 68 10 1
4115 I don't know if it's brain-freeze or lactose intolerance. 1.1519 0.04445 79 68 10 1
4116 I mean... how would YOU feel if you were called soft your whole life? 1.1519 0.04797 79 69 8 2
4117 And how often do you have these headaches? 1.1519 0.04797 79 69 8 2
4118 My wife keeps telling me I’m too self-serving. 1.1519 0.04064 79 67 12 0
4119 ….and then life took on this twist. 1.1519 0.04445 79 68 10 1
4120 I'm just SO tired of people asking me if they can take a lick. 1.1519 0.04445 79 68 10 1
4121 My wife says I'm "too vanilla." Maybe she's right? 1.1519 0.04445 79 68 10 1
4122 My mother always called me a softie. 1.1519 0.04064 79 67 12 0
4123 My name is Jimmy, why do they need more? 1.1519 0.04445 79 68 10 1
4124 I think I'm just too soft 1.1519 0.04064 79 67 12 0
4125 ...and then Jesse left me for a cone with rainbow sprinkles. 1.1519 0.04797 79 69 8 2
4126 Are you concerned that people always stick their tongue out at you? 1.1519 0.04797 79 69 8 2
4127 I can’t seem to make a decision, I keep waffling 1.1519 0.04797 79 69 8 2
4128 I am having a very difficult time transitioning from a drag queen to a diary queen. 1.1519 0.04797 79 69 8 2
4129 I’m starting to think they’re using ‘vanilla’ as an insult. 1.1519 0.04445 79 68 10 1
4130 Everyone is telling me to chill out and it's really getting to my head. 1.1519 0.05124 79 70 6 3
4131 I'm obsessed with the idea that the Yorker toon editor is rut in a stuck. 1.1515 0.04152 99 86 11 2
4132 It used to be that everyone wanted a vanilla swirl but now all the cutest cones are looking for a combo swirl. 1.1515 0.04944 66 57 8 1
4133 I don't know what to do, doctor. I seem to melt everytime she looks at me 1.1515 0.04447 66 56 10 0
4134 …and my third wish was to be able to keep a cool head in a crisis! 1.1515 0.04944 66 57 8 1
4135 The thing is, I identify as sorbet. 1.1515 0.05395 66 58 6 2
4136 I'm stressed out about global warming. It's not a political statement. It really is an existential threat. 1.1515 0.05811 66 59 4 3
4137 Maybe I am just a softy. 1.1515 0.04944 66 57 8 1
4138 I think I need to go on FROZE-ac... 1.1515 0.04944 66 57 8 1
4139 I sometimes imagine that there's a giant amoeba on the floor. I must be going soft in the head. 1.1515 0.05395 66 58 6 2
4140 And when she referred to you as plain vanilla, how did that make you feel? 1.1515 0.04944 66 57 8 1
4141 ‘everyone calls me ‘mister softee.’ i can be strong too! i’m a man you know!!’ 1.1515 0.04840 99 89 5 5
4142 The wife got mad and you walked out? You're cold. 1.1512 0.04223 86 74 11 1
4143 I worry that I am going to have a meltdown. 1.1512 0.04223 86 74 11 1
4144 My boss keeps telling me I'm too soft. 1.1512 0.04223 86 74 11 1
4145 And on top of all that, I'm being sued by Mister Softee! 1.1512 0.04535 86 75 9 2
4146 My mother told me this would happen if I ate too many ice cream cones. 1.1512 0.04535 86 75 9 2
4147 I really loved my Dairy Queen job until I lost my identity!! 1.1512 0.04223 86 74 11 1
4148 Even the McDonald's employees think I'm beyond repair." 1.1512 0.04535 86 75 9 2
4149 They ruined my Coneheads script... 1.1512 0.04535 86 75 9 2
4150 I NEED A NEW PERSONA. 1.1512 0.04535 86 75 9 2
4151 Have you tried journaling? 1.1512 0.03885 86 73 13 0
4152 And that’s when I started to have this phobia of global warming. 1.1512 0.04223 86 74 11 1
4153 I am so depressed. Only the Dairy Queen has offered me a job. 1.1512 0.03885 86 73 13 0
4154 I’’m really interested in being a ConeHead replacement on SNL, but is it too obvious—/and what if I melt in front of the lights? 1.1512 0.03885 86 73 13 0
4155 My mother wanted me to be a chocolate sundae and my father wanted me to be a banana split. I could never make either of them happy. 1.1512 0.04535 86 75 9 2
4156 But, when will Big Pharma come up with a pill for brain freeze? 1.1512 0.04223 86 74 11 1
4157 So when ‘Ms Whippy’ came up on my dating app feed I was hoping for a soulmate not a leather fetishist 1.1512 0.04827 86 76 7 3
4158 For as long as I can remember I’ve wanted to be dipped in chocolate and licked… 1.1509 0.03975 106 92 12 2
4159 I'm so jealous of sundae heads with their whipped cream and their cherries and their gooey syrups and their fancy airs. 1.1507 0.05403 73 65 5 3
4160 My parents totally rejected me. They said I was soft in the head. 1.1507 0.05038 73 64 7 2
4161 I am a luminary. 1.1507 0.05038 73 64 7 2
4162 So you're saying I suffer from a seasonal disorder? Is that why no one wants me at Christmas? 1.1507 0.05038 73 64 7 2
4163 These thoughts keep swirling around in my head. 1.1507 0.04645 73 63 9 1
4164 I feel they’re out to get me but I’m not licked yet. 1.1507 0.05038 73 64 7 2
4165 In time, you might be able to lick your problem. 1.1507 0.04216 73 62 11 0
4166 …and then I told her we don’t carry any yogurt. 1.1507 0.05038 73 64 7 2
4167 I get it...it was fun at first...but when will all the screaming stop? 1.1507 0.05038 73 64 7 2
4168 Sometime I feel like no one would like me I weren’t cool. 1.1507 0.05038 73 64 7 2
4169 I know it shouldn't matter, but I worked hard to earn the name "Dr. Forstee." 1.1507 0.04216 73 62 11 0
4170 She was the one who got a whey. 1.1507 0.04645 73 63 9 1
4171 I just haven't been the same since Tom Carvel died. 1.1507 0.05403 73 65 5 3
4172 Doc, I’m just a Softee. 1.1507 0.04216 73 62 11 0
4173 Women don’t want to run their fingers through my hair; they want to LICK it. 1.1507 0.05038 73 64 7 2
4174 I cant imagine that I even need to tell you. 1.1507 0.05038 73 64 7 2
4175 And then she said, 'Can you top this one?' 1.1507 0.04645 73 63 9 1
4176 Then, the bullying was relentless - but lactose intolerance still plagues the frozen treat community. 1.1507 0.04645 73 63 9 1
4177 He said I'm soft in the head and then he gave me a swirly. 1.1507 0.05403 73 65 5 3
4178 I'm just worried that Viagra will affect the way I taste. 1.1507 0.04216 73 62 11 0
4179 So I finally adjusted to being called Mr Conehead. Now suddenly people are referring to me as the Dairy Queen! 1.1505 0.04822 93 83 6 4
4180 When your name is Mr. Softy, you don't get any dates. 1.1505 0.04310 93 81 10 2
4181 So what you’re saying is: If I wasn’t such a hothead, I wouldn’t be having these meltdowns all the time? 1.1505 0.04822 93 83 6 4
4182 I've got so much on my mind, doc. I feel like my brain is melting. 1.1505 0.04310 93 81 10 2
4183 Can’t somebody once offer me a salad? 1.1505 0.04310 93 81 10 2
4184 Summer was always hard, but the pandemic really made it unbearable to be dating in New York. I mean outdoor cafe heaters? Really?! 1.1505 0.04310 93 81 10 2
4185 I am attracted to women who are hot. 1.1500 0.04740 80 70 8 2
4186 I saw the Coneheads TV skits and movie… totally unrealistic. 1.1500 0.04394 80 69 10 1
4187 It's this constant brain freeze, doctor. Have I gone soft? 1.1500 0.04740 80 70 8 2
4188 Sometimes, I think I’d be better off dipped. 1.1500 0.05221 60 52 7 1
4189 Why couldn't I have been a waffle cone? Everyone loves a waffle cone. 1.1500 0.05221 60 52 7 1
4190 ...even worse, my wife is a Cone-Head. 1.1500 0.04017 80 68 12 0
4191 I just can't Doc, not with the Ice Cream Cone of Silence 1.1500 0.04394 80 69 10 1
4192 It's the seasonal depression for me. 1.1500 0.05063 80 71 6 3
4193 I think I am melting. 1.1500 0.04740 80 70 8 2
4194 I just feel with all the gluten and lactose intolerance out there,people are no longer excited to see me. 1.1500 0.04740 80 70 8 2
4195 So I keep asking myself, with sprinkle’s or without sprinkle’s ? 1.1500 0.04017 80 68 12 0
4196 Yes, doc, I spell my name “I, Sikh, Cream” 1.1500 0.05063 80 71 6 3
4197 Why do I feel like frozen yogurt? 1.1500 0.04394 80 69 10 1
4198 I can be tough. I can be mean. But no one takes me seriously, doc. 1.1500 0.04113 100 87 11 2
4199 No one likes it when I meltdown, but at least I'm not Giuliani flavored. 1.1500 0.04394 80 69 10 1
4200 But is it a phobia if going outside will actually kill me? 1.1500 0.04394 80 69 10 1
4201 Confused, one day I’m vanilla, the next chocolate, I’m swirling. 1.1500 0.04740 80 70 8 2
4202 The bullies all called me Noggin-Dazs. 1.1500 0.04740 80 70 8 2
4203 They say I’m soft in the head. They want me to chill. 1.1500 0.04113 100 87 11 2
4204 I would like to change my conplex from plain vanilla. 1.1500 0.04017 80 68 12 0
4205 Doc,my wife says all my thoughts are cold and it gives her a brain freeze. 1.1500 0.04394 80 69 10 1
4206 My wife communicates with hats when she's frustrated. 1.1500 0.04017 80 68 12 0
4207 It’s not easy being everyone’s favorite. 1.1500 0.04394 80 69 10 1
4208 On sunny days, I feel like a vampire. 1.1500 0.05063 80 71 6 3
4209 Sometimes I just want to cuddle. 1.1500 0.04740 80 70 8 2
4210 If the ice cream wasn’t soft, I would feel more manly. 1.1500 0.04394 80 69 10 1
4211 I melted for her, then she called me vanilla. 1.1500 0.04017 80 68 12 0
4212 It’s not my mother, it’s global warming. 1.1500 0.04017 80 68 12 0
4213 I’m just a regular vanilla guy, no chocolate dip, no sprinkles. Is that enough? 1.1500 0.04394 80 69 10 1
4214 I am tired of pretending to be ice cream while I am just full of myself. 1.1500 0.04394 80 69 10 1
4215 I can't think. I'm having a brain freeze. 1.1494 0.04178 87 75 11 1
4216 I have many deep feelings but it’s depressing to be called plain vanilla. 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
4217 You're wrong about the cone heads. You cannot lick them. 1.1494 0.04178 87 75 11 1
4218 I didn’t know you guys still had couches? 1.1494 0.03844 87 74 13 0
4219 I tend to melt in the face of criticism. Actually, on the face. 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
4220 The wife said,"You knew about my lactose intolerance and I can't lick it!" 1.1494 0.04178 87 75 11 1
4221 I think I’m getting soft in my old age.” (Submitted for Janet English, South Woodstock, VT 1.1494 0.04178 87 75 11 1
4222 It’s just that everything gives me an ice cream headache. 1.1494 0.04178 87 75 11 1
4223 Being vanilla is so hard. 1.1494 0.04775 87 77 7 3
4224 Sometimes it feels like my mind is swirling… 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
4225 I find it easy to keep my cool, however, if I get into a heated argument, it’s hard to avoid a meltdown. 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
4226 But I don’t want to let go.. 1.1494 0.04178 87 75 11 1
4227 She told me she was intolerant, I told her to get on the pill. 1.1494 0.04178 87 75 11 1
4228 And everybody keeps screaming for ice scream. 1.1493 0.04875 67 58 8 1
4229 When I am at that crossroads, everything is in a state of meltdown. 1.1493 0.04875 67 58 8 1
4230 All my girlfriends call me Mr. Softy! 1.1493 0.04386 67 57 10 0
4231 She was a blonde vanilla latte and I get mocha drizzle just thinking about her 1.1493 0.05318 67 59 6 2
4232 i had a choice, vanilla or chocolate. 1.1493 0.05318 67 59 6 2
4233 The kids used to give me swirlies during recess…. 1.1493 0.04386 67 57 10 0
4234 I’ve tried everything. Believe me. 1.1493 0.05318 67 59 6 2
4235 Uneasy like sundae morning 1.1493 0.04875 67 58 8 1
4236 I hate it when they say, “we only have the soft serve” 1.1493 0.04875 67 58 8 1
4237 My recurring dream? Merging with Hardee's. 1.1489 0.03692 94 80 14 0
4238 How many times do I have to say "It's Walter Cohen, not Walter Cone" before I have a nervous breakdown? 1.1489 0.04267 94 82 10 2
4239 I don’t know why, but I always seem to freeze under pressure. 1.1489 0.03990 94 81 12 1
4240 I just can’t seem to get rid of this ice cream headache 1.1489 0.04527 94 83 8 3
4241 'It started out as just a job. 1.1486 0.04974 74 65 7 2
4242 The League of Villains isn't accepting applications anymore. 1.1486 0.04164 74 63 11 0
4243 Your I-Scream therapy's working a little too well, Doc. 1.1486 0.04587 74 64 9 1
4244 I can't live up to the Coneheads 1.1486 0.04587 74 64 9 1
4245 She said she wanted to swirl…. 1.1486 0.04587 74 64 9 1
4246 Well it may be "nothing" to you Dr.Knowitall but with temperatures expected to be in the 100s next week I 'm a nervous wreck. 1.1486 0.04587 74 64 9 1
4247 I saw them all fall doc. When the machine wouldn't turn itself off he just let my brothers and sisters spill onto the tray. He didn't even give 'em a cone 1.1486 0.04164 74 63 11 0
4248 I’d rather be a cone-head than a knucklehead. 1.1486 0.04587 74 64 9 1
4249 Do you ever feel like you’re just…melting inside? 1.1486 0.04587 74 64 9 1
4250 My friend Scoop gets all the girls. But no, my parents had to name me Soft Serve!” 1.1486 0.04974 74 65 7 2
4251 It may be psychological, but I can’t shake this feeling of brain freeze. 1.1486 0.04587 74 64 9 1
4252 But how could she call me "just plain vanilla"? 1.1486 0.04974 74 65 7 2
4253 I don’t know Doc, I seem to have constant brain freeze…. 1.1486 0.04587 74 64 9 1
4254 I don't know, Doc, but all the time I feel so licked!" 1.1486 0.04587 74 64 9 1
4255 I took one look at her and my head just melted. 1.1486 0.04164 74 63 11 0
4256 If I feel a meltdown coming I will get off the couch” Ronald Hoffman, N.Y., N.Y 1.1486 0.04974 74 65 7 2
4257 I get the feeling that I'm too vanilla. 1.1486 0.04164 74 63 11 0
4258 I feel like I've been DQ'd. 1.1486 0.04164 74 63 11 0
4259 I can't get this terror of global warming out of my head. 1.1486 0.04164 74 63 11 0
4260 I had another meltdown this week. 1.1486 0.04587 74 64 9 1
4261 One look at her chocolate chip cone head and I just melted! 1.1486 0.04587 74 64 9 1
4262 No, I really cannot tell you when was the first time I experienced brain freeze. 1.1486 0.04974 74 65 7 2
4263 It's hard to find a partner when your name is 'Mr. Softee'. 1.1486 0.04974 74 65 7 2
4264 I can't understand why people think I'm a hothead. 1.1486 0.04974 74 65 7 2
4265 Dr., I think I'm suffering from brain freeze! 1.1486 0.04164 74 63 11 0
4266 Wake me up if I start to melt, Doc. 1.1486 0.04587 74 64 9 1
4267 Doc, I was hoping I would be in and out in a lick. 1.1486 0.04974 74 65 7 2
4268 Try having any success with dating after introducing yourself as ‘Mister Softee’! 1.1486 0.04587 74 64 9 1
4269 Will I still be cannibal if I had a sorbet? 1.1486 0.04587 74 64 9 1
4270 One minute we're together, the next she's locked herself in the bathroom for an hour. Is it me? 1.1486 0.04974 74 65 7 2
4271 I feel like I've gone soft in the head, doc 1.1486 0.04587 74 64 9 1
4272 Feeling a bit flaky 1.1486 0.04164 74 63 11 0
4273 I think my problems all started with the swirlies I was given in middle school 1.1486 0.04587 74 64 9 1
4274 It all started with a severe brain freeze 1.1481 0.04343 81 70 10 1
4275 When you’re Mr. Softy everybody thinks he can lick you… 1.1481 0.04343 81 70 10 1
4276 Why can’t I be Mr. Decisive? 1.1481 0.03972 81 69 12 0
4277 Shortly after I accepted my lactose intolerance, I had erectile dysfunction.....just too soft to peak. 1.1481 0.04685 81 71 8 2
4278 Everyone's always telling me I'm out of order 1.1481 0.04685 81 71 8 2
4279 Everyone tells me I'm a big softy. That brings a chill to my very core. 1.1481 0.04343 81 70 10 1
4280 With a name like Mr. Softee, I can’t even get to first base with women. 1.1481 0.04685 81 71 8 2
4281 But I'm not a 'conehead,' I'm Mr. Softee! 1.1481 0.04685 81 71 8 2
4282 I’m having a meltdown Doc, and it’s hard to keep my cool. 1.1481 0.04343 81 70 10 1
4283 I feel like I'm just a soft swirl in a hand-scooped world. 1.1481 0.04685 81 71 8 2
4284 ....and the brain freezes are driving me crazy! 1.1481 0.03972 81 69 12 0
4285 Am I a little sensitive? Sure. But Mr. Softee? 1.1481 0.04343 81 70 10 1
4286 I don't why, but my head is always in a swirl! 1.1481 0.04685 81 71 8 2
4287 Yesterday, after years of protesting against the people calling me and my family coneheads, I gave up. Yes, doc, it was custard’s last stand. 1.1481 0.04685 81 71 8 2
4288 This isn't what I thought would happen when I told the genie I wanted to be a Cone Head. 1.1481 0.05003 81 72 6 3
4289 I guess now we know licking doesn’t help. 1.1481 0.04343 81 70 10 1
4290 No, it’s not about the hair! 1.1481 0.04343 81 70 10 1
4291 I think I’m losing my edge. 1.1481 0.04343 81 70 10 1
4292 It feels like everyone’s always screaming at me… 1.1481 0.04685 81 71 8 2
4293 She said she was intolerant. I thought she meant politically. 1.1481 0.04685 81 71 8 2
4294 Everyone screams for ice cream. But what do I really scream for doc? 1.1481 0.04685 81 71 8 2
4295 You’d think I’d be used to brain freeze at this point. 1.1481 0.03972 81 69 12 0
4296 Sprinkles only made things worse. 1.1477 0.04438 88 77 9 2
4297 There’s just so much swirling through my head. 1.1477 0.04133 88 76 11 1
4298 I don't know; I feel like I could just melt away. 1.1477 0.04438 88 77 9 2
4299 It’s so strange. I have a difficult time holding it all together, but only on hot days. 1.1477 0.04723 88 78 7 3
4300 First I screamed. Then she screamed. Then she walked out the door and headed for the Dove bar. 1.1477 0.04438 88 77 9 2
4301 It was the only way to get her to call me 'Mister.' 1.1477 0.04438 88 77 9 2
4302 Why am I so soft at setting boundaries about people licking my face? 1.1477 0.03804 88 75 13 0
4303 I feel bad about giving people the cold shoulder. 1.1477 0.04133 88 76 11 1
4304 I’m tired of my mother calling me a softy! 1.1477 0.04133 88 76 11 1
4305 I LOVE Tasty Freeze! 1.1477 0.04992 88 79 5 4
4306 I don't understand; lately I just feel totally whipped. 1.1477 0.04438 88 77 9 2
4307 My pareidolia lives lactose-free in my head. 1.1477 0.04438 88 77 9 2
4308 My head hurts all the time, I feel like time is running out, and everyone is looking at me like they want to eat me alive. Is that normal? 1.1477 0.03804 88 75 13 0
4309 I just can't seem to lick this feeling. 1.1477 0.04133 88 76 11 1
4310 Why does everyone think I am such a softee? 1.1477 0.04133 88 76 11 1
4311 Nobody wants just plain old vanilla anymore. 1.1477 0.04438 88 77 9 2
4312 Mr…I feel like my mind is melting. 1.1477 0.04133 88 76 11 1
4313 Just get some sun,” they said… “Then you’ll feel better,” they said 1.1475 0.05647 61 54 5 2
4314 Maybe she was just lactose intolerant. 1.1475 0.05141 61 53 7 1
4315 My friends say I need to change my tune. 1.1474 0.04482 95 84 8 3
4316 I know I’m the better vanilla ice, but I am jealous of his rapping 1.1474 0.03951 95 82 12 1
4317 People don't treat me like I'm ice cream. 1.1474 0.03951 95 82 12 1
4318 But nothing was the same after those ‘Saturday Night Live’ skits about Coneheads. 1.1474 0.04225 95 83 10 2
4319 I can't concentrate, my brain feels like mush and I keep getting these brain freezes. 1.1471 0.04327 68 58 10 0
4320 I may scream and you may scream, and I can handle that. But when we all scream it becomes too much. 1.1471 0.04807 68 59 8 1
4321 It seemed like everyone knew who my father was. 1.1471 0.04271 102 90 9 3
4322 I get so self-conscious when I hear people talk about cone heads. 1.1471 0.04807 68 59 8 1
4323 Can we talk about my outrageous air conditioning bill? 1.1471 0.05244 68 60 6 2
4324 I do my best to keep a cool head... 1.1471 0.04327 68 58 10 0
4325 The boys at South Side called me Conehead and the girls teased me about not getting hard. 1.1471 0.04327 68 58 10 0
4326 I can't seem to get out of this vanilla rut. 1.1471 0.03524 102 87 15 0
4327 Im frozen with the fear of being dropped on my head 1.1471 0.04327 68 58 10 0
4328 They want all the toppings, it’s too much pressure. 1.1471 0.04271 102 90 9 3
4329 I know fragile masculinity is out, but some days I wish they’d call me Mister Toughy. 1.1471 0.04807 68 59 8 1
4330 I get the feeling even the floor is looking at me. 1.1471 0.05244 68 60 6 2
4331 Sometimes I think I should have been born a cup 1.1467 0.05597 75 68 3 4
4332 I can lick this, I know you can! 1.1467 0.04113 75 64 11 0
4333 This global warming stuff is really starting to effect me. 1.1467 0.04530 75 65 9 1
4334 No matter how hard I try, I just can’t seem to lick this thing. 1.1467 0.04113 75 64 11 0
4335 I'm afraid my wife and I are too vanilla in the bedroom. 1.1467 0.04113 75 64 11 0
4336 I’m done playing it safe. I’m so tempted to just dive head-first into those beautiful sprinkles. I used to live a full, colorful life. But, as you can see, I’ve taken quite the licking. She took it all, one beautiful, bright sprinkle at a time. 1.1467 0.04911 75 66 7 2
4337 My problem is in the bedroom, doc. 1.1467 0.04113 75 64 11 0
4338 Whenever I try to talk to a woman I just freeze up. 1.1467 0.04911 75 66 7 2
4339 I'm worried my cold, soft view of world conflicts will melt. 1.1467 0.04113 75 64 11 0
4340 In reality, I thought I was about to be a ‘drip,’ but I felt better just seeing that “over hard” egg on the floor. 1.1467 0.04113 75 64 11 0
4341 People say I'm soft in the head. 1.1467 0.04911 75 66 7 2
4342 Why do I keep thinking there are bees in my bonnet? 1.1467 0.04911 75 66 7 2
4343 I'm having trouble with people describing me using the word queen. 1.1467 0.04530 75 65 9 1
4344 She said she could not tolerate me anymore. She said she was lactose intolerant. 1.1467 0.05597 75 68 3 4
4345 …and then the chocolate got hard, all around my head. 1.1467 0.04911 75 66 7 2
4346 They called me "Conehead", and I don't even watch SNL... 1.1467 0.04530 75 65 9 1
4347 They all scream for ice cream, and let me tell you, Doc, that's not a good combo with my anxiety disorder. 1.1467 0.05265 75 67 5 3
4348 The Viagara isn't working! 1.1467 0.04113 75 64 11 0
4349 Every relationship is the same. They dump me, then want me. 1.1467 0.04113 75 64 11 0
4350 Do strangers ever try to lick your head? 1.1467 0.04911 75 66 7 2
4351 Well dip me in chocolate and call me a liar. 1.1467 0.05265 75 67 5 3
4352 Therapy with Cone-an O'brien 1.1467 0.04911 75 66 7 2
4353 You can’t believe anything you hear. There’s always a twist. 1.1467 0.04911 75 66 7 2
4354 It's hard being Coney O'Brien.. they ALL want a lick... 1.1467 0.04530 75 65 9 1
4355 My wife complains that I give her the cold shoulder. 1.1467 0.04530 75 65 9 1
4356 Everybody says I am soft. 1.1467 0.04911 75 66 7 2
4357 They kept saying I was soft 1.1467 0.04911 75 66 7 2
4358 Why can't I be like all the other coneheads? 1.1467 0.04911 75 66 7 2
4359 I’m tired of people screaming at me. 1.1467 0.04530 75 65 9 1
4360 My sex life @ the moment I have been getting cautious because of my last experiences. 1.1467 0.04530 75 65 9 1
4361 I know I need to be more assertive, but I'm just a big softie. 1.1467 0.04911 75 66 7 2
4362 My wife complains I'm such a softee..... 1.1467 0.04911 75 66 7 2
4363 Do Do... Do Do... Do Do... Do! 1.1467 0.04530 75 65 9 1
4364 Do you have anything for brain freeze? 1.1467 0.04530 75 65 9 1
4365 I asked for sprinkles. Chocolate, rainbow, whatever. But did they ever listen to what I wanted? 1.1467 0.04911 75 66 7 2
4366 But why does he always get to be the BIG spoon? 1.1467 0.05265 75 67 5 3
4367 She tried to lick my swirl. 1.1467 0.04530 75 65 9 1
4368 And then she said she should have known. 1.1463 0.04293 82 71 10 1
4369 People think I’m soft, but when confronted I don’t melt. 1.1463 0.04945 82 73 6 3
4370 'Why couldn't they name me 'Mr. Freeze' or 'Ice Man'?" 1.1463 0.04293 82 71 10 1
4371 I wish I could say more but I have a headache. 1.1463 0.04945 82 73 6 3
4372 So, tell me, what do you think causes these headaches? 1.1463 0.03927 82 70 12 0
4373 Shania dumped for a guy with very large sprinkles. 1.1463 0.03927 82 70 12 0
4374 Am I being too hard on myself? 1.1463 0.04293 82 71 10 1
4375 I feel so cold inside. 1.1463 0.04631 82 72 8 2
4376 I just, feel like my life is melting apart. 1.1463 0.04293 82 71 10 1
4377 I'm such a softie. 1.1463 0.04631 82 72 8 2
4378 I just feel like people think I'm too soft. 1.1463 0.04945 82 73 6 3
4379 I wish I was a hard ice cream guy just once. 1.1463 0.03927 82 70 12 0
4380 Looking on the bright side, I hear for women it goes straight to the hips. 1.1463 0.04631 82 72 8 2
4381 I don't care how cute their jingle is or how tasty their product...I still can't stand wearing this curly q on top! 1.1463 0.04293 82 71 10 1
4382 After getting covid, I just don't taste the same anymore. 1.1463 0.04293 82 71 10 1
4383 I dunno doc, lately I don’t feel soft or at EEze 1.1463 0.04293 82 71 10 1
4384 Everyone thinks I'm too much of a softee. 1.1463 0.04631 82 72 8 2
4385 I hate Dan Achroid 1.1463 0.04293 82 71 10 1
4386 I just feel so cold for some reason. 1.1463 0.03927 82 70 12 0
4387 I felt so in sync with Dan Aykroyd in the movie 1.1463 0.03927 82 70 12 0
4388 Even playing tennis, I'm criticized for my soft serve.... 1.1463 0.04945 82 73 6 3
4389 But doctor—I AM gelato... 1.1463 0.04293 82 71 10 1
4390 I'm jealous of the coneheads. 1.1463 0.04293 82 71 10 1
4391 I feel like my life is dripping away 1.1463 0.04293 82 71 10 1
4392 Both my parents are Softees but I can’t help it if I feel like hard ice cream! 1.1463 0.04631 82 72 8 2
4393 If I put a cherry on top should I schedule my next appointment to be on a Sunday? 1.1463 0.04631 82 72 8 2
4394 I worry that my face could be a cup. 1.1463 0.04945 82 73 6 3
4395 Vanilla doesn’t have to define you. 1.1463 0.04293 82 71 10 1
4396 I just am just licked out. 1.1463 0.03927 82 70 12 0
4397 Okay…my biggest fear? Getting licked to death… 1.1463 0.04631 82 72 8 2
4398 I’m so over people asking me ‘if the carpet matches the drapes’. 1.1463 0.04945 82 73 6 3
4399 And then it turns out that all along she thought it was a Hallowe'en costume! 1.1461 0.03765 89 76 13 0
4400 People think I'm a pushover. 1.1461 0.04391 89 78 9 2
4401 Viagra just doesn't cut it, Doc. 1.1461 0.04090 89 77 11 1
4402 Doc, all the jokes about my cone head leave me with such a headache. 1.1461 0.04090 89 77 11 1
4403 My mind's swirling with thoughts doc. 1.1461 0.04391 89 78 9 2
4404 How do I know my self-worth if I'm missing hot fudge dip topping? 1.1461 0.04090 89 77 11 1
4405 Conehead is offensive. I identify as Mister Softee. 1.1461 0.04673 89 79 7 3
4406 I feel invisible and unwanted. This happens every autumn. 1.1461 0.04090 89 77 11 1
4407 My visits to headhunters have been very discouraging. 1.1461 0.04673 89 79 7 3
4408 My Mr. Softee personality is not working anymore." Joan Moir, Tiburon, Ca 1.1461 0.04391 89 78 9 2
4409 In this next exercise I'll have you show me on this doll, where you were licked 1.1461 0.04673 89 79 7 3
4410 So what if I’m vegan. I’m still real ice cream…right? 1.1461 0.03765 89 76 13 0
4411 I’m just the softy they come to when they’re sad—can’t they see I’m the one spiraling out of control. 1.1461 0.04090 89 77 11 1
4412 I think it all started with the SNL skit, but I still wanted my own thing, you know? 1.1461 0.04391 89 78 9 2
4413 I gave her diarrhea. It was horrible. 1.1461 0.04090 89 77 11 1
4414 I find it vaguely offensive when people think it's their prerogative to lick my forehead or slurp my curl." 1.1458 0.03912 96 83 12 1
4415 I'm guessing you've heard of shrinkflation? 1.1458 0.03621 96 82 14 0
4416 She became lactose intolerant and that was the end of it. 1.1452 0.06017 62 56 3 3
4417 I'm too cold, they say. Well, too bad! I'm not going through another meltdown for anybody. 1.1452 0.05063 62 54 7 1
4418 I’ve been having a lot of meltdowns lately. -Harrod F. Field 1.1452 0.05560 62 55 5 2
4419 I think the sun hates me. Every time I walk outside it ruins my Pompadour. 1.1452 0.05063 62 54 7 1
4420 I thought our sex was good but she called it plain vanilla 1.1449 0.04269 69 59 10 0
4421 It’s not easy, being smooth 1.1449 0.04742 69 60 8 1
4422 I just can't get used to being called Mr. Softee. 1.1449 0.04742 69 60 8 1
4423 I wanted to stay cool, but then the climate change heat hit. 1.1449 0.04742 69 60 8 1
4424 I have a recurring dream that I'm late for a date with Carmen Miranda. 1.1449 0.05172 69 61 6 2
4425 My primary care physician diagnosed my sphenopalatine ganglioneuralgia as being all in my head. My wife thinks it is due to my being an old softee. Can you help me? 1.1449 0.04269 69 59 10 0
4426 I know it's a delusion, but the worst part is that I can't lick it! 1.1449 0.05172 69 61 6 2
4427 ...I just can't think straight with my head constantly being licked. 1.1449 0.04742 69 60 8 1
4428 If people find out that I'm not REAL ice cream, will they still accept me? 1.1449 0.04742 69 60 8 1
4429 There’s something wrong with my head. 1.1449 0.04269 69 59 10 0
4430 Truth is,I really hate kids,my life is a complete lie and that darn jingle is driving me insane. 1.1449 0.04269 69 59 10 0
4431 I can't get this haunting tune out of my soft head! 1.1449 0.04742 69 60 8 1
4432 ...And then I was turned down for a perfect role on Saturday Night Live... 1.1449 0.05172 69 61 6 2
4433 Have you treated other edible wrecks? 1.1449 0.04269 69 59 10 0
4434 When hands reach out for me I scream... 1.1449 0.04269 69 59 10 0
4435 How do you feel when people describe you as, 'soft in the head.' 1.1449 0.04742 69 60 8 1
4436 Thanks for letting me try yours, but it doesn't help. 1.1449 0.05172 69 61 6 2
4437 All the women I meet seem to be lesbians. 1.1447 0.04850 76 67 7 2
4438 I just can't that jingle out of my head 1.1447 0.04474 76 66 9 1
4439 I’ve been served. Am I soft, or what?!? 1.1447 0.04474 76 66 9 1
4440 And then I found out I was born without sprinkles... 1.1447 0.04063 76 65 11 0
4441 Every fall Pumpkin Spice comes along, and everyone forgets about me. 1.1447 0.04063 76 65 11 0
4442 You’re too soft 1.1447 0.04850 76 67 7 2
4443 So after I spent my entire childhood with a paper napkin over my face…. 1.1447 0.05199 76 68 5 3
4444 Everywhere I go, people scream at me. 1.1447 0.04850 76 67 7 2
4445 There’s something on my mind, but I can’t remember what it is. 1.1447 0.04063 76 65 11 0
4446 I get no respect. My tennis pro makes fun of my soft serve, my wife says I'm frosty, everyone calls me Beldar... 1.1447 0.04850 76 67 7 2
4447 It’s not the staring so much. It’s when they start licking their lips. 1.1447 0.04850 76 67 7 2
4448 I have recurring nightmares of being dipped in hot caramel. 1.1447 0.04063 76 65 11 0
4449 It's not so much the look as the brain freezes. 1.1447 0.05199 76 68 5 3
4450 I'm a soft serve addict... But it goes right to my head. 1.1447 0.04474 76 66 9 1
4451 My dad was always trying to toughen me up. 1.1447 0.04850 76 67 7 2
4452 I fear that I’m going to have a meltdown. 1.1447 0.04063 76 65 11 0
4453 I was well liked on Remulak, I was well liked on Remulak, I was well liked on Remulak, wait, what was I saying... Sorry doc, brain freeze. 1.1447 0.04474 76 66 9 1
4454 And then I realized, it's not ice cream! 1.1447 0.04474 76 66 9 1
4455 Just give me some Viagra and I should be ok. 1.1447 0.04474 76 66 9 1
4456 If that's cherry vanilla, I will clear your head. 1.1447 0.04474 76 66 9 1
4457 Sometimes I feel like I just disappear into the crowd... like there is nothing special or unique about me at all... 1.1447 0.04474 76 66 9 1
4458 Do you know what it's like when everyone is trying to eat you … doc? 1.1447 0.04474 76 66 9 1
4459 All the kids knew that they could always lick me. 1.1447 0.04850 76 67 7 2
4460 I don’t want to be a cone head. 1.1447 0.04850 76 67 7 2
4461 …because other supervillains just laugh when “Conehead” walks into the room. 1.1447 0.04474 76 66 9 1
4462 All the other cone heads laugh and call me names. 1.1447 0.04850 76 67 7 2
4463 First I screamed , then she screamed , and soon they all were screaming, and screaming, and screaming. 1.1447 0.04474 76 66 9 1
4464 Strangers staring at my head make me nervous. 1.1447 0.04474 76 66 9 1
4465 It's more like an ice cream heartache. 1.1447 0.04474 76 66 9 1
4466 It’s all mush in my head 1.1447 0.04063 76 65 11 0
4467 One of my nuts is bigger than the other 1.1447 0.04474 76 66 9 1
4468 Being chocolate I tell ya, imagine I had no flavor….. 1.1447 0.05199 76 68 5 3
4469 I have thermophobia. 1.1446 0.04578 83 73 8 2
4470 ...and then the sequel to Coneheads got canceled. 1.1446 0.04245 83 72 10 1
4471 I understand your and Mrs. Softee’s frustration but you must understand, your name is not your destiny. 1.1446 0.04245 83 72 10 1
4472 Doc i just cannot seem to get over this brain freeze. 1.1446 0.04889 83 74 6 3
4473 I’m just a pushover. It’s no wonder everyone call me Mr. Softee. 1.1446 0.04245 83 72 10 1
4474 I can't explain it, I don't like the rain, but I do enjoy a good sprinkle... 1.1446 0.04889 83 74 6 3
4475 How can I create personal space when everyone wants to lick me? 1.1446 0.04245 83 72 10 1
4476 I always liked being thought of as that soft-hearted guy. And then one Sundae it all came crashing down when I realized they we're saying soft-headed all along. 1.1446 0.04245 83 72 10 1
4477 This is not the conehead makeover I was promised! 1.1446 0.04245 83 72 10 1
4478 I may be soft in the head, but I still love my ex. 1.1446 0.04578 83 73 8 2
4479 There's just nothing special about me, no sprinkles, no swirl. And I have this constant dread I 'm headed for a major meltdown. 1.1446 0.04578 83 73 8 2
4480 People keep telling me I'm twisted 1.1446 0.04245 83 72 10 1
4481 I just can't take any more strangers trying to lick my head 1.1446 0.03884 83 71 12 0
4482 Somehow I can never find the cherry on top. 1.1446 0.04578 83 73 8 2
4483 Ever since I got this haircut I have an uncontrollable urge to swim in chocolate. 1.1446 0.04578 83 73 8 2
4484 Trying to convince my therapist I need medicinal Marijuana because I’m lactose intolerant 1.1446 0.04245 83 72 10 1
4485 I don’t usually take appointments on Sundaes but this looks like quite the meltdown 1.1446 0.04245 83 72 10 1
4486 They keep saying this downward spiral is all in my head…you’ve got to help me doc. 1.1446 0.04245 83 72 10 1
4487 No matter how much I beg, my wife keeps saying Sprinkles are for Winners. 1.1444 0.04886 90 81 5 4
4488 It's been nothing but brain freeze jokes my whole life. I don't think I can take it anymore. 1.1444 0.04623 90 80 7 3
4489 I feel that I am becoming colder and harder. 1.1444 0.04048 90 78 11 1
4490 I’m just not the Softee people think I am. 1.1444 0.04623 90 80 7 3
4491 Being a softy means always having to say you're sorry. 1.1444 0.04345 90 79 9 2
4492 I feel I'm always pushed at work. (John Boylston) 1.1444 0.04048 90 78 11 1
4493 This Global Warming is freaking me out! 1.1444 0.04623 90 80 7 3
4494 It's inevitable, doc. Eventually #vanillapoopemoji will go viral and ruin my life. 1.1444 0.04345 90 79 9 2
4495 I always wanted to be an egg head. 1.1444 0.03726 90 77 13 0
4496 People keep calling me "little Vivek Ramaswamy" 1.1444 0.04886 90 81 5 4
4497 Just chill out 1.1444 0.04345 90 79 9 2
4498 I just have to think about my mortality every day on this planet. 1.1444 0.04345 90 79 9 2
4499 Tell me doctor, is it brainfreeze? 1.1443 0.03875 97 84 12 1
4500 I'm too soft on everybody. 1.1429 0.04198 84 73 10 1
4501 I know I’m well liked, but some say I make them sick to their stomach. 1.1429 0.04213 70 60 10 0
4502 Doc, I could really use some sprinkle in my life 1.1429 0.04014 77 66 11 0
4503 For some reason, I can never get past third base Doc. 1.1429 0.04198 84 73 10 1
4504 My greatest fear is inflation. 1.1429 0.04300 91 80 9 2
4505 I feel licked. 1.1429 0.04014 77 66 11 0
4506 First it was frozen yogurt, than gelato and the whole vegan thing. I feel that I am losing my place in the entire frozen treat universe. 1.1429 0.04527 84 74 8 2
4507 There’s part of me that wishes I got the sprinkles when I was younger. Now, I’m just plain vanilla. 1.1429 0.05102 70 62 6 2
4508 I keep getting b 1.1429 0.04300 91 80 9 2
4509 I just can't get this song our of my head. 1.1429 0.04419 77 67 9 1
4510 How would you like to go through life being called DQ 1.1429 0.04419 77 67 9 1
4511 I am home away from the solar system and it is very hot out there 1.1429 0.04575 91 81 7 3
4512 When I was on SNL, The Coneheads were funny, today I'm asked ,"What flavor am I"? 1.1429 0.04419 77 67 9 1
4513 I can’t stop feeling like a conehead. 1.1429 0.04678 70 61 8 1
4514 I don't know, Doc. It's like a brain freeze that just won't go away. 1.1429 0.05857 70 64 2 4
4515 I picked the wrong decade to be a Conehead! 1.1429 0.05457 77 70 3 4
4516 I wanted Sunday to be changed to Sundae 1.1429 0.04198 84 73 10 1
4517 I'm afraid I'm going to have a meltdown. 1.1429 0.04014 77 66 11 0
4518 That rug is really triggering my sense of doom. 1.1429 0.05493 70 63 4 3
4519 She says it's inappropriate to wear a cup at the beach. 1.1429 0.05135 77 69 5 3
4520 Sometimes I think I'm too hardheaded . 1.1429 0.04527 84 74 8 2
4521 The transition from hand dipped has been more than I can stand. 1.1429 0.04014 77 66 11 0
4522 I was only doing my Dan Ackroyd impersonation. 1.1429 0.05102 70 62 6 2
4523 I’m not looking for some soft-serving advice. 1.1429 0.04014 77 66 11 0
4524 Between global warming and crippling brain freeze, how can I be expected to manage a hedge fund? 1.1429 0.04678 70 61 8 1
4525 I feel so broken. Even driving by McDonalds triggers my brain freeze 1.1429 0.04014 77 66 11 0
4526 Well, doctor, I have this strange compulsion to slowly wander up and down residential streets and I keep hearing this tinkling music. 1.1429 0.04678 70 61 8 1
4527 It's just too exhausting being Mr. Softee to everyone. 1.1429 0.04678 70 61 8 1
4528 Although everybody says I'm a big ole softie I always feel on the verge of a meltdown. 1.1429 0.05493 70 63 4 3
4529 Well that is a new twist on things. 1.1429 0.04014 77 66 11 0
4530 I'm very uncomfortable when people keep calling me the Dairy Queen. 1.1429 0.04351 98 87 8 3
4531 And on my school football team, I was the only player who had to wear a cone instead of a cup. 1.1429 0.05102 70 62 6 2
4532 I wish to hell I wasn't a reporter, 'cause I'm gonna lose it the next time somebody asks, "Where'd you get the scoop?" 1.1429 0.04987 63 55 7 1
4533 …so then, they started calling me Mr. Flaccid. 1.1429 0.04987 63 55 7 1
4534 Doc, me head is just swirling and I’m afraid of a melt down. 1.1429 0.04419 77 67 9 1
4535 Sometimes I feel like Mrs. Softee trapped in Mr. Softee's body. 1.1429 0.03689 91 78 13 0
4536 I keep getting these headaches. 1.1429 0.04213 70 60 10 0
4537 They’re saying I cause murder rates to go up. 1.1429 0.04790 77 68 7 2
4538 Why don't women like plain vanilla? 1.1429 0.04198 84 73 10 1
4539 My parents had brainfreeze. Do you think it is in my DNA? 1.1429 0.04014 77 66 11 0
4540 Doctor, I just need to know if other people have this problem. How do I stop strangers from licking my head? 1.1429 0.05476 63 56 5 2
4541 I just don’t understand why people like me. 1.1429 0.04678 70 61 8 1
4542 I think I’m lactose intolerant. 1.1429 0.04419 77 67 9 1
4543 Everyone takes advantage of me. 1.1429 0.03841 84 72 12 0
4544 I woner if I could dream out the carbs and the fat content. 1.1429 0.05102 70 62 6 2
4545 As a child I was creamed, and now I feel whipped. 1.1429 0.04198 84 73 10 1
4546 Constant brain freeze is killing me, doc. 1.1429 0.05102 70 62 6 2
4547 I think I have a split personality. Half of me thinks I'm soft-serve and the other thinks I'm custard. 1.1429 0.03689 91 78 13 0
4548 Parenting can be all consuming, you know. They melt my heart but I feel frozen - everyone says to be sweet but not too soft 1.1429 0.03689 91 78 13 0
4549 It all started with Dan Aykroyd on Saturday Night Live 1.1429 0.05135 77 69 5 3
4550 I’m afraid I’m about to have a serious meltdown. 1.1429 0.04014 77 66 11 0
4551 He said he couldn't be with me because I was soft... 1.1429 0.04419 77 67 9 1
4552 I’m sick of hearing women tell me I am just a really nice guy 1.1429 0.03841 84 72 12 0
4553 Obviously, I feel screwed up. 1.1429 0.04419 77 67 9 1
4554 Women complain I’m too vanilla. 1.1429 0.03841 84 72 12 0
4555 I thought getting to the top would be better, somehow. 1.1429 0.05102 70 62 6 2
4556 I didn't think I was someone who got cold feet. 1.1429 0.04419 77 67 9 1
4557 And on top of that... I feel black walnut ice cream should matter 1.1429 0.04198 84 73 10 1
4558 Does it mean I'm paranoid if I obsess about the giant tongue growing out my wife's head? 1.1429 0.03841 84 72 12 0
4559 I feel like I'm going to completely melt on your floor like your last patient. 1.1429 0.03689 91 78 13 0
4560 I don't know, Doc: FroYo, Afro....I didn't know you were going to analyze my hairdo ! 1.1429 0.04790 77 68 7 2
4561 Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to be remembered as just an old softy. 1.1429 0.04678 70 61 8 1
4562 I was born a McFlurry but at heart I’m really a McFury. 1.1429 0.05135 77 69 5 3
4563 But then she always seems to get these "headaches". 1.1429 0.04790 77 68 7 2
4564 I think my new job at the ice cream store has gone to my head 1.1429 0.04678 70 61 8 1
4565 I’m not sure how many more licks I can take. 1.1429 0.04014 77 66 11 0
4566 I thought about moving further north,but I am afraid I will melt there,too 1.1429 0.04014 77 66 11 0
4567 I don’t know, it’s just feels like I’m melting all the time… 1.1429 0.05102 70 62 6 2
4568 Not only that, but all rugs look like eggs overeasy 1.1429 0.05493 70 63 4 3
4569 Everything was fine until she called me "Mr. Softie" 1.1429 0.04103 98 86 10 2
4570 Easy for you to say, but I wonder how you would feel if everyone tried to lick your head 1.1429 0.04419 77 67 9 1
4571 ‘How are you coping with things?’ ‘I-scream into my pillow.’ 1.1429 0.04014 77 66 11 0
4572 I scream and I scream and nobody listens 1.1429 0.05102 70 62 6 2
4573 I’m constantly on the verge of a meltdown. 1.1429 0.04198 84 73 10 1
4574 …so that’s why my mom killed herself. 1.1429 0.05135 77 69 5 3
4575 And then she turned to me and said, ‘Don’t have a meltdown.’ Can you believe it?!? 1.1429 0.04987 63 55 7 1
4576 And they all just.... Lick me. Just like that 1.1429 0.04419 77 67 9 1
4577 This is my first time to try Psy-cone-alysis. I've been in a state of freeze for while now 1.1429 0.04833 84 75 6 3
4578 Nobody ever talks about how hard it is to be a Softee 1.1429 0.04103 98 86 10 2
4579 I guess living in a world with so much racism really gets me down sometimes. Lactose intolerance is one of the last acceptable forms of prejudice. 1.1429 0.04527 84 74 8 2
4580 I thought I was being sweet but she told me I was ice cold. 1.1429 0.04527 84 74 8 2
4581 I think it may be brain freeze. 1.1413 0.04256 92 81 9 2
4582 She always told me I could be anything I wanted. 1.1413 0.03965 92 80 11 1
4583 I'm fine with the conehead; its about the amoeba following me... 1.1413 0.04256 92 81 9 2
4584 So, why are you here today?" - "Is it that hard to see?! My life lacks the cherry on top! 1.1413 0.03652 92 79 13 0
4585 Nowadays it’s all, ‘oat this’ and ‘hemp that.’ Am I the imposter? 1.1413 0.03652 92 79 13 0
4586 Even my kids say I've gone soft 1.1412 0.04476 85 75 8 2
4587 My last psychologist was lactose intolerant. I thought he'd be more accepting of me. 1.1412 0.04152 85 74 10 1
4588 My wife keeps calling me Mr. Softee. Can you help me, Doc? 1.1412 0.04476 85 75 8 2
4589 … and if the glaciers are melting, what chance do I stand?! 1.1412 0.04152 85 74 10 1
4590 Nobody wants soft serve anymore. 1.1412 0.04152 85 74 10 1
4591 Keeping the twirl in shape just got to be too much! 1.1412 0.03799 85 73 12 0
4592 She's all pumpkin spice and I'm just plain vanilla. 1.1412 0.03799 85 73 12 0
4593 She said I was too soft... can you believe that?! 1.1412 0.04779 85 76 6 3
4594 I can't stop all these swirling thoughts, doc, like that rug; it looks like an egg over-easy. Way too distracting and shouldn't be in this frame. 1.1412 0.04779 85 76 6 3
4595 I can't even get a girl to talk to me. 1.1412 0.04152 85 74 10 1
4596 That’s easy for you to say. You don’t have a curly on top 1.1412 0.04476 85 75 8 2
4597 Do I call you Mister Softy or Carvel? 1.1412 0.04152 85 74 10 1
4598 I just don't get it...Warren Buffett thought I was a winner. 1.1412 0.04476 85 75 8 2
4599 Could you turn up the air conditioning for me please. 1.1412 0.03799 85 73 12 0
4600 Years of being called Mister Softee and I guess I internalized it 1.1412 0.03799 85 73 12 0
4601 I dont mind the cone so much. It's being called Mr. Softy I dont care for. 1.1412 0.03799 85 73 12 0
4602 All my friends say I’m too vanilla. 1.1412 0.04476 85 75 8 2
4603 my girlfriend has been cheating on me. Turns out she wants hard ice cream in bed 1.1412 0.04152 85 74 10 1
4604 I’ve been really trying to embrace my ‘soft girl’ era 1.1412 0.04152 85 74 10 1
4605 Everyone expects Dan Ackroyd to walk into the room; but then they see it’s just me. 1.1412 0.04476 85 75 8 2
4606 And so I said, Do you really think that you're the first one at the tennis club to tell me I have a "soft serve"? 1.1410 0.03966 78 67 11 0
4607 Perhaps first we should discuss why there is a giant amoeba on your floor? 1.1410 0.04732 78 69 7 2
4608 How would you feel if everyone called you Mr. Softee? 1.1410 0.04366 78 68 9 1
4609 It's this feeling of inferiority... all the other coneheads have a cherry on top. 1.1410 0.04366 78 68 9 1
4610 I was born the wrong flavor. I've always felt chocolate. 1.1410 0.04366 78 68 9 1
4611 I want to be hot. 1.1410 0.03966 78 67 11 0
4612 The worst part about it is that think think it's also caused non-alcoholic fatty liver. 1.1410 0.03966 78 67 11 0
4613 Mom was a cow and dad was ice cold and salty. 1.1410 0.05072 78 70 5 3
4614 It's not so much the look, it's the smell. 1.1410 0.04366 78 68 9 1
4615 I'm miserable trying to keep up the cone image when I know I'm really a cone. 1.1410 0.03966 78 67 11 0
4616 I carry a brain freeze daily. 1.1410 0.05072 78 70 5 3
4617 Girls don't scream for me any more. 1.1410 0.03966 78 67 11 0
4618 I’m tired of people taking advantage of me because of my name. 1.1410 0.04732 78 69 7 2
4619 She’s days I’m just a big softee. 1.1410 0.04732 78 69 7 2
4620 I just think I'm having a meltdown. 1.1410 0.05072 78 70 5 3
4621 I'm in agony, but no one takes me seriously when I scream. 1.1410 0.04732 78 69 7 2
4622 The Dairy Queen is just next door!! 1.1410 0.04366 78 68 9 1
4623 I'm tired of being everybody's 'Flavor of the Day'. 1.1410 0.04366 78 68 9 1
4624 I dreamt about starring in a remake of Never on a Sundae. 1.1410 0.04366 78 68 9 1
4625 When my wife calls me 'Mr. Softee' she's saying it to be mean. 1.1410 0.04366 78 68 9 1
4626 Why do I continue to get my haircut at Dairy Queen. 1.1410 0.05072 78 70 5 3
4627 Why couldn't I have been a waffle cone? 1.1410 0.03966 78 67 11 0
4628 Being repressed is bad enough; but having a meltdown is worse. 1.1410 0.03966 78 67 11 0
4629 I have this recurring nightmare that someone wants to decapitate me. 1.1410 0.04732 78 69 7 2
4630 My paranoia is better now. I avoid places that sell Icees. 1.1410 0.04366 78 68 9 1
4631 All sorts of things swirling around my head these days,Doc. 1.1410 0.04366 78 68 9 1
4632 They all say I've gone soft on them!" 1.1410 0.03966 78 67 11 0
4633 I think I’m finally ready to move on from dipping. 1.1410 0.03966 78 67 11 0
4634 I’m not a mistake. I know that. But whenever someone says ‘You got any mistakes?’ there I go, right out the window to whoever asks. 1.1410 0.05072 78 70 5 3
4635 „Sometimes I feel just like melting away…“ 1.1410 0.05072 78 70 5 3
4636 I asked for sprinkles, but they were out 1.1410 0.03966 78 67 11 0
4637 I haven't been able to move on from Summer. 1.1410 0.03966 78 67 11 0
4638 I always have a headache. 1.1410 0.04366 78 68 9 1
4639 I appear tough, but I’m just a softee. 1.1408 0.04158 71 61 10 0
4640 No one takes me seriously 1.1408 0.04158 71 61 10 0
4641 Am I too soft or is it just all in my head? 1.1408 0.04616 71 62 8 1
4642 There’s this tune in my head: it might be ’Pop goes the Weasel’. I’m not really sure…Over and over and over and over… 1.1408 0.05033 71 63 6 2
4643 All my thoughts seem to swirl or freeze. 1.1408 0.05033 71 63 6 2
4644 I just feel like I'm on the verge of a melt down. 1.1408 0.04158 71 61 10 0
4645 Why do they insist on calling me 'Conehead'? My name is Ralph. 1.1408 0.04616 71 62 8 1
4646 I've been getting these headaches. 1.1408 0.05033 71 63 6 2
4647 Why, Doctor, why all these headaches? 1.1408 0.05033 71 63 6 2
4648 It was another brain freeze. 1.1408 0.05033 71 63 6 2
4649 I’m on the verge of a complete meltdown—it’s hot enough in here to fry an egg.” 1.1408 0.05418 71 64 4 3
4650 You wouldn't believe how many hats I've ruined. 1.1408 0.04158 71 61 10 0
4651 I don't care what they say. I am NOT a dairy queen. 1.1408 0.04616 71 62 8 1
4652 Ice cream is cheaper than therapy 1.1408 0.05033 71 63 6 2
4653 The Monday usual? 1.1408 0.05033 71 63 6 2
4654 Maybe I’m not everyone’s favorite flavor. 1.1408 0.04616 71 62 8 1
4655 No longer being in a cone of silence makes me weep with relief. 1.1408 0.04616 71 62 8 1
4656 I wouldn't call it brain fog, but please don't call it brain freeze either! 1.1408 0.05033 71 63 6 2
4657 They call me a softy, but I know I’m a bad ass CEO. 1.1408 0.05418 71 64 4 3
4658 Is it the poop or are you chocolate ice cream?" She said to me ON THE FIST DATE 1.1408 0.05033 71 63 6 2
4659 My father whipped me. 1.1408 0.04616 71 62 8 1
4660 I've been told I'm sweet but a little cold 1.1408 0.05033 71 63 6 2
4661 Sometimes I just feel like I'm at my melting point. 1.1408 0.05418 71 64 4 3
4662 I just don't understand why everyone is so intolerant these days. 1.1408 0.05033 71 63 6 2
4663 So, I went forward, moving ahead, trying to detect it… 1.1408 0.05033 71 63 6 2
4664 And that’s not even the worst part, they asked for soft serve” 1.1408 0.05033 71 63 6 2
4665 ...and then she said she prefers milkshakes. 1.1408 0.04616 71 62 8 1
4666 It's like I have an ice cream headache, literally all the time. 1.1406 0.04914 64 56 7 1
4667 Sometimes, I feel like my brain is melting.... 1.1406 0.05395 64 57 5 2
4668 That “soft on crime” accusation is somehow getting traction. 1.1406 0.04914 64 56 7 1
4669 Almond, Soy, Cashew, it's just keeps getting more complicated. 1.1406 0.04914 64 56 7 1
4670 I came here thinking you could help me lick my problems. 1.1406 0.04380 64 55 9 0
4671 No one sees me for my inner self. 1.1406 0.04914 64 56 7 1
4672 I can’t explain it. It’s just like a constant feeling of brain-freeze all the time. 1.1406 0.04914 64 56 7 1
4673 Nobody cared who I was until I put the mask on. 1.1406 0.05395 64 57 5 2
4674 I feel that a little twist could change everything. 1.1404 0.04642 57 49 8 0
4675 Seems like I got stuck at the oral stage. 1.1404 0.05274 57 50 6 1
4676 It's like I get a brain freeze, only pleasant. 1.1398 0.03925 93 81 11 1
4677 I’m not even a very good Conehead. 1.1398 0.04213 93 82 9 2
4678 I feel as if everyone knows I'm impotent. 1.1395 0.04427 86 76 8 2
4679 The problem is that I'm soft all over. 1.1395 0.03758 86 74 12 0
4680 It’s more than just SAD, man. I feel so rejected every time Summer is over. 1.1395 0.04106 86 75 10 1
4681 It started in my youth – I was always the 'cool' kid, but things got messy. 1.1395 0.04106 86 75 10 1
4682 My wife just found out she's lactose intolerant. 1.1395 0.04106 86 75 10 1
4683 I'm telling you, I had a total meltdown. 1.1395 0.04726 86 77 6 3
4684 I just feel licked in this life. 1.1395 0.04106 86 75 10 1
4685 It’s the ice cream headaches again. Do you think they’re psychosomatic? 1.1395 0.04726 86 77 6 3
4686 I was subject to constant hazing in school because it wasn't chocolate 1.1395 0.04726 86 77 6 3
4687 I have this recurring dream where I’m working at McDonald’s. 1.1395 0.03758 86 74 12 0
4688 I can usually keep a cool head under pressure, but I feel like I'm about to have a meltdown. 1.1395 0.04106 86 75 10 1
4689 Despite the viagra, I still see myself as Mr. Softee. 1.1395 0.04427 86 76 8 2
4690 I'm obsessed with climate change. 1.1395 0.04427 86 76 8 2
4691 I don’t understand why everyone calls me a softy 1.1395 0.04427 86 76 8 2
4692 I’m so afraid of a melt down 1.1395 0.03758 86 74 12 0
4693 It’s bad enough that I have always been called Mister Softee, but now I am suffering from ED. 1.1395 0.04726 86 77 6 3
4694 …and I’ve had a fear of toilets flushing, ever since! 1.1395 0.04427 86 76 8 2
4695 Sometimes i wonder whether its not the machine thats broken, its me 1.1395 0.04726 86 77 6 3
4696 With every lick I scream my head off. 1.1392 0.03920 79 68 11 0
4697 Doctor, it all started when I was given the name ' Mr. Softie.' I felt so inadequate and would lose my cool. 1.1392 0.05010 79 71 5 3
4698 so i said to myself, "it's a little blue pill-what could possibly go wrong?" 1.1392 0.04675 79 70 7 2
4699 I started wearing it like this in the 50’s, because it was cool like me, but now….. 1.1392 0.04675 79 70 7 2
4700 Why do Gilda, Laraine and Jane refuse to call me cone head. 1.1392 0.04675 79 70 7 2
4701 And then one day the jingle stopped, and existential thoughts filled the void… 1.1392 0.05010 79 71 5 3
4702 Well Doc, I've taken a lot of licks this week but I'm keeping my cool. 1.1392 0.04314 79 69 9 1
4703 I have all these thoughts swirling around, and I just feel frozen. 1.1392 0.04314 79 69 9 1
4704 I just don't know what happened doc. It seemed like one day I was sitting on top of the world and the next day all anyone can talk about is that new 'Frozen Yogurt' kid they hired. 1.1392 0.03920 79 68 11 0
4705 Oh the headaches I can take, it's the thoughts swirling around in my head that are keeping me up. 1.1392 0.04314 79 69 9 1
4706 It started in elementary school, bullies calling me soft. When Mr. Tee became famous, it snow balled into Mr. Softee. 1.1392 0.04675 79 70 7 2
4707 'My mother always took me out for ice cream - I guess it all went to my head.' 1.1392 0.04314 79 69 9 1
4708 I think I'm friendly but everyone's always so formal around me. 1.1392 0.04675 79 70 7 2
4709 And sometimes I think - even my wife wants Mr. Wafflecone. 1.1392 0.04314 79 69 9 1
4710 I’m just not good being plain vanilla anymore. 1.1392 0.04314 79 69 9 1
4711 It seems like everyone is intolerant of me these days. 1.1392 0.04675 79 70 7 2
4712 She said I was too sweet and prone to meltdowns... 1.1392 0.04675 79 70 7 2
4713 I don't know why I feel so licked. 1.1392 0.04314 79 69 9 1
4714 After my recent situationship, I think I'm finally having a "meltdown". Even a vacation to the Alaskan mountains didn't help, it's too hot there nowadays. 1.1392 0.03920 79 68 11 0
4715 In my dream, unwashed hands are always grabbing at me. 1.1392 0.04675 79 70 7 2
4716 People keep saying I have a vanilla personality. 1.1392 0.03920 79 68 11 0
4717 Everyone else stopped,but I kept screaming. 1.1392 0.04675 79 70 7 2
4718 I know I need to stand up for myself more often but I'm just too soft. 1.1392 0.04314 79 69 9 1
4719 How can one be sweet and cold the same time? 1.1392 0.04314 79 69 9 1
4720 Doc, I’ve got a bad case of the sundae scaries. 1.1392 0.04675 79 70 7 2
4721 And then she said she was going to eat me in one bite 1.1392 0.04314 79 69 9 1
4722 I don’t know, doc, it just seems like my whole life my head has just been all twisted up 1.1392 0.04314 79 69 9 1
4723 Why does everyone call me Mr. Softee? 1.1392 0.03920 79 68 11 0
4724 I can’t help you. You need ‘Cone-itive Butterscotch Therapy instead.’ 1.1392 0.04675 79 70 7 2
4725 I keep hearing this constant ringing sound. 1.1389 0.04967 72 64 6 2
4726 You’re the first I’m sharing this with. I’m dairy free… 1.1389 0.04104 72 62 10 0
4727 First it was the Softee Ice cream truck jingle stuck in my head and now this. 1.1389 0.04967 72 64 6 2
4728 I was reading about brain freeze and then it happened! 1.1389 0.04967 72 64 6 2
4729 I ate it too fast and got this terrific brain-freeze! 1.1389 0.04104 72 62 10 0
4730 My father always told me I was too soft to serve. 1.1389 0.04556 72 63 8 1
4731 My girlfriend left me because I was too vanilla. 1.1389 0.04967 72 64 6 2
4732 I feel like I’m in a constant state of brain freeze. 1.1389 0.04556 72 63 8 1
4733 My wife says I'm boringly vanilla. 1.1389 0.04556 72 63 8 1
4734 So gotta keep it cool little fool 1.1389 0.04104 72 62 10 0
4735 I can tell you everything if you don’t know who I am! 1.1389 0.04104 72 62 10 0
4736 I hate it when people call me Mr. Cone instead of Mr. Cohen. 1.1389 0.04967 72 64 6 2
4737 Good Humor let me go. They say I'm a depressive 1.1389 0.04967 72 64 6 2
4738 Everyone always asks “where’s Mister Softee?”, but you’re the only one who asks “how’s Mister Softee” 1.1389 0.04556 72 63 8 1
4739 I don’t know , Doc, but I think this soft serve business is finally going to my head. 1.1389 0.04556 72 63 8 1
4740 It feels like I have brain freeze all the time 1.1389 0.04967 72 64 6 2
4741 I’m dressed for the job I want, not the job I have. 1.1389 0.04967 72 64 6 2
4742 I just think I never got over my parents melting. 1.1389 0.04556 72 63 8 1
4743 I scream every time people call me a “softee”. 1.1389 0.04556 72 63 8 1
4744 I’m no gelato, who am I kidding? Bowtie isn’t fooling anyone… 1.1389 0.04556 72 63 8 1
4745 How can I open up when we both know that instead of hearing my problems you'd rather lick my head? 1.1386 0.03731 101 88 12 1
4746 I’ve never been in love, but I’m in lots of love handles. 1.1385 0.04842 65 57 7 1
4747 I'm sorry... brain freeze is physical not psychological 1.1385 0.04842 65 57 7 1
4748 I'm sorry you've been recalled for lysteria." 1.1385 0.05315 65 58 5 2
4749 I'm just an old softy. 1.1385 0.04842 65 57 7 1
4750 I'm depressed doc. My state wants to allow only vanilla or chocolate, but ban any blended kind. 1.1385 0.04842 65 57 7 1
4751 And I was just being chill about everything but they said I need to stop being so cold. Why does no one understand me? 1.1385 0.05315 65 58 5 2
4752 Excuse me, I don't play flavourites. 1.1385 0.04842 65 57 7 1
4753 Ice cream? Frozen yogurt? I can't tell the difference. I'm just trying to move some product. Anyway...nice turtleneck. How unpretentious! 1.1385 0.05315 65 58 5 2
4754 Here again. I still can’t decide. Sprinkles, ground nuts, dip, what? 1.1385 0.05315 65 58 5 2
4755 I just wonder if people like me for me. 1.1385 0.04317 65 56 9 0
4756 My wife says I scream too much 1.1385 0.04842 65 57 7 1
4757 I just want to be like the other coneheads. 1.1383 0.03886 94 82 11 1
4758 Inflation has made me egotistical but also forgiving, to the millions of kids who cannot afford me. 1.1383 0.03886 94 82 11 1
4759 My childhood died on a specific night in 1993. The murderer? Conan O'Brien. 1.1383 0.04925 94 86 3 5
4760 I have this scary feel that my head is going to just melt away! 1.1383 0.04170 94 83 9 2
4761 The brain freeze is permanent, doctor... 1.1383 0.04170 94 83 9 2
4762 My mind’s a swirl 1.1379 0.04379 87 77 8 2
4763 I like your suit, too. 1.1379 0.04062 87 76 10 1
4764 I can’t get over that I’m too old for sprinkles. 1.1379 0.03718 87 75 12 0
4765 My last analyst called me 'twisted', but I didn't listen to his jive. 1.1379 0.04674 87 78 6 3
4766 Doctor, please! It’s not just the unnerving, repetitive song banging in my head, or the nightmares of children chasing me in the streets, nor the Erectile Disfunction I developed from years of being called Mr Softee- I’m now Lactose Intolerant too! 1.1379 0.04062 87 76 10 1
4767 I'm not long for this world. 1.1379 0.04062 87 76 10 1
4768 … but all I had asked Santa for was a rain hat. 1.1379 0.04062 87 76 10 1
4769 She said I’m too sweet, and that I’m cheap. Not cultured enough. She called me soft-serving. 1.1379 0.03718 87 75 12 0
4770 Seriously?! It's been brain freeze all along? 1.1379 0.04062 87 76 10 1
4771 I just feel like I’m going soft these days, you know? 1.1379 0.04062 87 76 10 1
4772 I’ve never understood why they didn’t add rainbow jimmies. I’ve felt vanilla my whole life. 1.1379 0.04062 87 76 10 1
4773 Inside I feel…gelato. I want to escape, but the jingle won’t let me. 1.1375 0.04620 80 71 7 2
4774 I don't want people to eat me, but they all want to eat me. 1.1375 0.04950 80 72 5 3
4775 ... and then in high school, I walked in on the PE teacher and the chaplain 69ing each other... 1.1375 0.03875 80 69 11 0
4776 I wanted to be different, but a constant brain freeze was not part of the plan. 1.1375 0.04620 80 71 7 2
4777 Then I said to him, 'Hey Mister! Who you calling Softee?' 1.1375 0.04620 80 71 7 2
4778 Doc, my thoughts are in a whirl. 1.1375 0.04263 80 70 9 1
4779 My work, my marriage, my sex life, it`s all just so vanilla. 1.1375 0.03875 80 69 11 0
4780 So, Doc, the brain freeze began ... 1.1375 0.04263 80 70 9 1
4781 I mean, it's just my name, it's not an invitation to be taken advantage of..." 1.1375 0.04950 80 72 5 3
4782 I hate being such a pushover. 1.1375 0.04620 80 71 7 2
4783 I DON'T WAN TO BE MR. SOFTEE ANY MORE! 1.1375 0.04620 80 71 7 2
4784 Doctor, my wife doesn't understand when I tell her, "not tonight I've got a brain freeze. 1.1375 0.04620 80 71 7 2
4785 It's just that when my wife calls me that . . 1.1375 0.04620 80 71 7 2
4786 I have a permanent sensation of brain freeze. 1.1375 0.04950 80 72 5 3
4787 It's been a rocky road doc - feel like I'm having a meltdown 1.1375 0.04263 80 70 9 1
4788 You know that phrase “I scream, you scream, we all scream for Ice Cream” ? 1.1375 0.04950 80 72 5 3
4789 Somehow I feel like the poster child for brain freeze 1.1375 0.04263 80 70 9 1
4790 My mind feels so twisted up - it becomes so hard to keep my cool. 1.1375 0.03875 80 69 11 0
4791 I dream of being a normal conehead. 1.1375 0.04620 80 71 7 2
4792 It's really hard out there for a soft guy like me. 1.1375 0.03875 80 69 11 0
4793 Sometimes, I don’t want to scream. 1.1375 0.04263 80 70 9 1
4794 I guess deep down, when I really think about it… I’m just self conscious about my head looking like an ice cream cone.” 1.1375 0.04263 80 70 9 1
4795 It’s around this time every year… 1.1375 0.04263 80 70 9 1
4796 and then her son ordered Organic Passion Fruit! On a Gluten-Free Cone! 1.1375 0.04620 80 71 7 2
4797 But he's a "sugar cone"- how does that even work? 1.1370 0.04902 73 65 6 2
4798 I no sooner lick one problem and another pops up! 1.1370 0.04497 73 64 8 1
4799 People say I look like an ice cream cone but I thinks that's projection. 1.1370 0.04902 73 65 6 2
4800 Yeah, I benefit from unearned vanilla privilege...but does that make me a bad flavor? 1.1370 0.04497 73 64 8 1
4801 Thoughts of being too vanilla keep swirling around my head. 1.1370 0.04902 73 65 6 2
4802 I’m just not tough enough. I always get licked. 1.1370 0.04052 73 63 10 0
4803 Sometimes I wish I were a maple creemee. 1.1370 0.04497 73 64 8 1
4804 No one understands me: I'm not a boring Vanilla cone. I'm really a cross between Mint Chocolate Chip and and Rocky Road. 1.1370 0.04497 73 64 8 1
4805 You think YOU get brain freeze? 1.1370 0.04497 73 64 8 1
4806 Mister Softee is suing me for copyright infringement! 1.1370 0.04497 73 64 8 1
4807 Its been a rocky road, Doc. First thing I lose my sprinkles then my wife leaves me for a dish of Rum Raisin. She said I was, so vanilla. I'm not, I'm Vanilla Bean! 1.1370 0.04497 73 64 8 1
4808 And this tune keeps playing in my head, over and over... 1.1370 0.04902 73 65 6 2
4809 Since when is being soft a bad thing? 1.1370 0.04497 73 64 8 1
4810 My mom was a cold and twisted woman. She took me out of the freezer as a punishment. 1.1370 0.04497 73 64 8 1
4811 I have all these troubling thoughts swirling in my head 1.1370 0.04052 73 63 10 0
4812 I can't think straight. My mind is swirling. 1.1370 0.04052 73 63 10 0
4813 And then Dan AYKROYD came along! Jonathanvantassel@gmail.com 1.1370 0.04052 73 63 10 0
4814 The licking keeps ticking me off.” 1.1370 0.04497 73 64 8 1
4815 But talking through hardness envy doesn't seem to help. 1.1370 0.04497 73 64 8 1
4816 Meditation and using a personal mantra haven’t helped. I’m still experiencing brain freeze. 1.1370 0.04902 73 65 6 2
4817 I rubbed the lamp and asked to always stay cool 1.1370 0.04497 73 64 8 1
4818 I was kind of hoping we could lick this thing together. 1.1370 0.04497 73 64 8 1
4819 Well, for one thing, I seem to be extremely prone to ice-cream headaches. 1.1370 0.04052 73 63 10 0
4820 People take advantage of me because I’m a big softy. 1.1370 0.04902 73 65 6 2
4821 Some days it seems that my head would just melt by itself... 1.1370 0.04052 73 63 10 0
4822 Is this in the cone of silence? 1.1370 0.04497 73 64 8 1
4823 And the intrusive thoughts just won’t stop swirling around my head 1.1370 0.04052 73 63 10 0
4824 Everyone thinks I’m illiterate at the Tastee Freez! 1.1370 0.04497 73 64 8 1
4825 I get all whipped up on the first date, then … nothing. 1.1370 0.04497 73 64 8 1
4826 The horrors persist, but so do the little treats. 1.1370 0.04497 73 64 8 1
4827 I used to have more sprinkles in my life. 1.1370 0.04497 73 64 8 1
4828 I hate comparing myself to frozen yogurt. Comparison is the thief of joy. 1.1370 0.04052 73 63 10 0
4829 What did I do to deserve this human body? 1.1370 0.04902 73 65 6 2
4830 The last doc called it fomoofroyo, but I could tell they were waffling. 1.1370 0.04902 73 65 6 2
4831 I just don’t understand what makes everyone so intolerant! 1.1370 0.05276 73 66 4 3
4832 I've been teased my whole life. Conehead jokes as a kid and now Mr. Softy remarks as a adult. 1.1364 0.04773 66 58 7 1
4833 Doc, that can't be the solution to my constant meltdowns! 1.1364 0.04257 66 57 9 0
4834 So I lost my cool and said, “You want a swirly? I’ll give you a swirly!” 1.1364 0.04331 88 78 8 2
4835 I asked for a silicone implant 1.1364 0.04773 66 58 7 1
4836 My mind just swirls. 1.1364 0.03679 88 76 12 0
4837 I'm a misfit. I don't fit in with the vanilla crowd nor the chocolate crowd because I'm a swirl. 1.1364 0.03679 88 76 12 0
4838 It used to be the lousy jingle, then it was the lousy kids, now it's the lousy heat. 1.1364 0.04773 66 58 7 1
4839 I'm getting so tired of people taking advantage of me doc. Maybe they have been right all along. Maybe I really AM Mr. Softee 1.1364 0.04331 88 78 8 2
4840 I have a constant urge to top myself 1.1364 0.04257 66 57 9 0
4841 They say it is called an ice cream headache, but that can't be what it is in my case? 1.1364 0.04257 66 57 9 0
4842 I, too, thought I'd be popular, but it turns out plain vanilla seldom gets picked. 1.1364 0.04257 66 57 9 0
4843 I don’t know, I feel like my thoughts are just swirling in my head. 1.1364 0.04773 66 58 7 1
4844 I'm a softie, but I'm not a pushover... 1.1364 0.04773 66 58 7 1
4845 They're just sprinkles .....my wife thought I was at a strip club. 1.1364 0.04331 88 78 8 2
4846 I've felt abandoned ever since the Coneheads left SNL 1.1364 0.04019 88 77 10 1
4847 They all think I'm a softie! 1.1364 0.04331 88 78 8 2
4848 I've always felt like I'm not cool enough... 1.1364 0.04773 66 58 7 1
4849 Ever since my wife found out she was lactose intolerant, she's barely touched me. 1.1364 0.04019 88 77 10 1
4850 I really wanter to be a queen. 1.1364 0.04773 66 58 7 1
4851 I have all these emotions swirling around in my head. 1.1364 0.04773 66 58 7 1
4852 I don’t know… maybe I’m just twisted…” 1.1364 0.04331 88 78 8 2
4853 I feel inferior when all those hard scooped showoffs point and laugh at my dippy doo....Oh but I had the last laugh when their heads dropped to the pavement! 1.1364 0.05239 66 59 5 2
4854 These thoughts just keep swirling around my head and I can’t make them stop! 1.1364 0.04019 88 77 10 1
4855 I feel like I have serious “cone-fusion” issues. 1.1364 0.03679 88 76 12 0
4856 And that’s when I realized, they’re not screaming at me, they’re screaming for me… 1.1364 0.04257 66 57 9 0
4857 I think my girlfriend is lactose intolerant? 1.1358 0.03830 81 70 11 0
4858 With the state of the climate, I'm having a hard time keeping my cool...... 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
4859 My thoughts are all awhirl. 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
4860 Some say I just froze. Others say I went a little swirly. 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
4861 I find myself always looking for a straw to get rid of my ice cream headaches. 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
4862 And then she said she’d like me more if I was yoghurt.” 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
4863 What's wrong with me Doc, when I' m here, I'm hungry for eggs! 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
4864 Conehead is so last century 1.1358 0.03830 81 70 11 0
4865 Sure, I missed not having sprinkles, but other than that, I really don't feel there was anything unusual about my childhood at all. 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
4866 I’m scared to go outside. Whenever it’s 75’ or hotter. 1.1358 0.03830 81 70 11 0
4867 I had another meltdown. McDonald keeps telling me I'm not working!" 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
4868 Mother always said I was sweet but a bit soft-headed 1.1358 0.03830 81 70 11 0
4869 Let it all out Mr.Softee, let it all out 1.1358 0.03830 81 70 11 0
4870 I have a melt down every time I go outdoors. 1.1358 0.03830 81 70 11 0
4871 Sure they'll lick me, but how do I know if they like me? 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
4872 If I could just get rid of this headache! 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
4873 It’s really tough being a journalist when you're afraid of scoops. 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
4874 Well,Doc,I'm not triggered by the ice cream truck jingle anymore,but the brain freezes are getting worse. 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
4875 I DROVE BY AND THERE WAS THIS SPECIAL 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
4876 And you are here because you watched the presidential debate? 1.1358 0.04892 81 73 5 3
4877 People keep calling me Slurpy 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
4878 Excuse me ,I need to take a little break for a some ice cream. 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
4879 Here's the thing, Doc...I feel nuts in my head. 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
4880 It just feels like people are always screaming at me. 1.1358 0.03830 81 70 11 0
4881 I felt alone and so unlickable! 1.1358 0.03830 81 70 11 0
4882 I'm afraid I might top myself. 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
4883 I just get so tired of being called “Softy” all the time. You know? 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
4884 I've been living with brain freeze since 1958. 1.1358 0.03830 81 70 11 0
4885 I'm powerless in the presence of hot fudge. 1.1358 0.03830 81 70 11 0
4886 Staying soft in this world is actually admirable. Don’t listen to Ben or Jerry. 1.1358 0.04892 81 73 5 3
4887 It just feels like everyone is always SCREAMING for me. 1.1358 0.03830 81 70 11 0
4888 It all started when my father dipped. 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
4889 Doc, I just hope that cooler heads will prevail. 1.1358 0.03830 81 70 11 0
4890 And then she told me I’m too vanilla for her. 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
4891 The Breakthrough: “Maybe I do suffer from male fragility; soft does accurately describe me.” 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
4892 I feel like life keeps giving me a licking. 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
4893 I'm just really starting to worry that I'll never find a Princess Twist of my own. 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
4894 Paranoid - of course I am; everyone wants to take my head off! 1.1356 0.05648 59 53 4 2
4895 "Sure, I look great, but the brain freeze is kind of a bummer." 1.1356 0.05648 59 53 4 2
4896 I know I'm soft, but I'm pretty sure I'm having another meltdown. 1.1354 0.04088 96 85 9 2
4897 I’m a soft-serve in a hard world ! 1.1351 0.04440 74 65 8 1
4898 Being Mister Softee is great for the neices and nephews but it’s killing me on the dating scene 1.1351 0.04839 74 66 6 2
4899 I keep dreaming about soft serve ice cream? And I just began having to use Viagra! 1.1351 0.04839 74 66 6 2
4900 And then she said it was all in me my head, and I started to feel like I was melting! 1.1351 0.04440 74 65 8 1
4901 ...one sultry day, all it took; now my face feels soggy all the time and I shed like a poodle" oh, it's fine you're just thawing 1.1351 0.04440 74 65 8 1
4902 Cute girls always want to lick me, but when we get close, I melt and they run away. 1.1351 0.04839 74 66 6 2
4903 I went to the Ice Racing contest. I got creamed. 1.1351 0.04001 74 64 10 0
4904 I think my adrenals are shot. I always feel licked. 1.1351 0.04001 74 64 10 0
4905 She said she’s leaving me because I’m not exciting enough. 1.1351 0.04440 74 65 8 1
4906 Every woman I meet just wants to know if I’d like sprinkles. 1.1351 0.04839 74 66 6 2
4907 I’m worried that being perceived as a softee will hurt my career as a defense lawyer. 1.1351 0.04839 74 66 6 2
4908 After that, I got a brain freeze. 1.1351 0.04001 74 64 10 0
4909 Of course I was scared. He said he could lick anybody in the house! 1.1351 0.04001 74 64 10 0
4910 I think I am falling in love with a waffle cone." 1.1351 0.04839 74 66 6 2
4911 I feel like I just keep getting licked when I’m down, you know? 1.1351 0.04001 74 64 10 0
4912 I think we need to begin by addressing the licking incident during our last session, you? 1.1351 0.04440 74 65 8 1
4913 Oh, people like me alright. I just feel so …….. dispensable. 1.1351 0.04001 74 64 10 0
4914 But if Jimmy, doesn't have jimmies, than who am I? 1.1351 0.04001 74 64 10 0
4915 It happened again, Doc—she flirted hard and I stood there, frozen. 1.1351 0.04440 74 65 8 1
4916 When women realize I’m Mister Softee, they lose interest. 1.1351 0.05207 74 67 4 3
4917 It’s like…Beatlemania 1.1351 0.04001 74 64 10 0
4918 I’m just so tired of everyone thinking I’m a softie… 1.1351 0.04440 74 65 8 1
4919 Is it Cree-ME? Am I the problem? 1.1351 0.04440 74 65 8 1
4920 I’m just so tired of everyone asking me if I want sprinkles. 1.1351 0.04001 74 64 10 0
4921 Why isn't doing vaudeville in chocolate dipped acceptable any more? 1.1351 0.04440 74 65 8 1
4922 I can’t get their screaming out of my head. 1.1351 0.04440 74 65 8 1
4923 Of course outside I'm all rainbow sprinkles, but inside, I'm just plain vanilla 1.1351 0.04440 74 65 8 1
4924 I have ConeHead cousins in France. 1.1348 0.03976 89 78 10 1
4925 But will anyone ever love me for myself? 1.1348 0.03976 89 78 10 1
4926 I just can't get the tune out of my head Doc 1.1348 0.04285 89 79 8 2
4927 I see myself on a farm, milking cows. A regular dairy king. 1.1348 0.03641 89 77 12 0
4928 Every day I wake up with this piercing headache. It only goes away if I spend the day in the sun. 1.1343 0.04705 67 59 7 1
4929 The self-loathing started when I turned vegan. 1.1343 0.05976 67 62 1 4
4930 In the dream I'm in a food fight and getting licked. 1.1343 0.05164 67 60 5 2
4931 The feeling always starts out as brain freeze, but soon ends in a complete meltdown. 1.1343 0.04705 67 59 7 1
4932 You said you have tried all the tricks to cool down? 1.1343 0.05164 67 60 5 2
4933 Sometimes I just feel like a big softee 1.1343 0.04197 67 58 9 0
4934 Why couldn’t they have named me Mister Hardee? 1.1343 0.04197 67 58 9 0
4935 If they would just say "hey mister" and leave it at that. 1.1343 0.04705 67 59 7 1
4936 Doc, you've got my mind swirling. 1.1343 0.04705 67 59 7 1
4937 Everything just feels so overwhelming and swirled. 1.1343 0.04705 67 59 7 1
4938 And then she said she loved me, but not 'that' way.... 1.1343 0.04197 67 58 9 0
4939 Deep down, I'm empty calories. 1.1343 0.04705 67 59 7 1
4940 I spent my youth threatened with parental 'lickin's.' ' 1.1343 0.04705 67 59 7 1
4941 I’ll tell you one thing Doc, if just one more person tells me I look good enough to lick I’m gonna lose it, I mean really lose it. 1.1343 0.04705 67 59 7 1
4942 Doreen in Accounting has it in for me. She always wants the thermostat set at 80. 1.1343 0.04197 67 58 9 0
4943 And then she slowly dripped away. 1.1343 0.04197 67 58 9 0
4944 have you licked them back like we talked about? 1.1343 0.05164 67 60 5 2
4945 I feel like such a drippy head case 1.1343 0.04197 67 58 9 0
4946 Sorry doc. Can't find the words right now, I've got brain freeze. 1.1343 0.04705 67 59 7 1
4947 My life has been going Lickety-Split. 1.1341 0.04512 82 73 7 2
4948 What if I am that easily licked? 1.1341 0.03787 82 71 11 0
4949 It's hard to chill out with global warming. 1.1341 0.03787 82 71 11 0
4950 Thanks for closing the curtains. I didn't want to have another meltdown. 1.1341 0.04512 82 73 7 2
4951 Sometimes I feel like a dip. 1.1341 0.04165 82 72 9 1
4952 I keep dreaming that I'm trapped in a giant spoon factory. 1.1341 0.04165 82 72 9 1
4953 I'm drawing a blank as to why my mind goes numb. 1.1341 0.03787 82 71 11 0
4954 How would you like to be known as a softie? 1.1341 0.03787 82 71 11 0
4955 I wish my parents or doctors had just cared enough to talk to me about the long term consequences of drinking cold beverages too fast. 1.1341 0.04165 82 72 9 1
4956 Then she split the banana... 1.1341 0.04512 82 73 7 2
4957 I’ve been staying off the hard stuff. Hot fudge and I don’t mix. 1.1341 0.04835 82 74 5 3
4958 I was the Original Cone Head! 1.1341 0.04512 82 73 7 2
4959 I'm learning to live with early onset Weisenheimers 1.1341 0.04512 82 73 7 2
4960 But I'm not a queen. I'm a king! 1.1341 0.03787 82 71 11 0
4961 I was told I needed a turbanectomy, but I'm not sure I am up for that kind of surgery. 1.1341 0.04165 82 72 9 1
4962 I’m going to need your help to get through the summer 1.1341 0.04165 82 72 9 1
4963 I know, I know, but I still can't help thinking that's not what they're talking about. 1.1341 0.04512 82 73 7 2
4964 Since then, I feel like my brain is frozen doc. 1.1341 0.04165 82 72 9 1
4965 ...Then, ever since I reached adulthood, it was always Mister Softy.. 1.1341 0.03787 82 71 11 0
4966 I’m so sick k of hearing, “Frozen yogurt, frozen yogurt, frozen yogurt!” Doesn’t anyone want ice cream anymore? 1.1341 0.04512 82 73 7 2
4967 ... and I keep getting these headaches 1.1341 0.04512 82 73 7 2
4968 My friends say I'm whipped" 1.1341 0.04165 82 72 9 1
4969 The ice cream machine is always down 1.1341 0.04165 82 72 9 1
4970 I know things are cool with the misses, but I am still worried about having a melt down..... 1.1341 0.04165 82 72 9 1
4971 My wife says I am boring. 1.1341 0.04512 82 73 7 2
4972 The beginning? Well, my mom was a Dairy Queen and my dad, a high school wrestler who was fine with minimum wage. 1.1341 0.04835 82 74 5 3
4973 I can take the sticky hat and the plain vanilla, but the brain freeze is too much. 1.1341 0.04165 82 72 9 1
4974 She left me for the Hardee's guy. 1.1341 0.04512 82 73 7 2
4975 Why won’t they lick me? 1.1341 0.04165 82 72 9 1
4976 Everyone wants to lick my brain but no one wants to pick my brain 1.1341 0.04512 82 73 7 2
4977 I know I’m Mr. Softee, but this is really hard. 1.1341 0.04165 82 72 9 1
4978 I've been binge watching SNL & having nightmares that I've become a conehead. 1.1333 0.04384 75 66 8 1
4979 It's just that I'm just a big softee. 1.1333 0.03952 75 65 10 0
4980 Apparently, I’m the wrong type of “Conehead” according to Tinder. 1.1333 0.04777 75 67 6 2
4981 Mr. Potato Head was here last week....and you think you got problems???? 1.1333 0.04384 75 66 8 1
4982 So, you think this brain freeze is getting in the way of my developing intimacy in my relationships? 1.1333 0.04384 75 66 8 1
4983 I'm only five minutes old, but I can't stop thinking about the end of the world. 1.1333 0.04777 75 67 6 2
4984 Doc, please don’t tell everyone to be a softie or I’d be out of a job! 1.1333 0.04384 75 66 8 1
4985 I just can't be locked again, Doctor! 1.1333 0.03603 90 78 12 0
4986 Why doesn’t anyone fear me on the tennis court, Doc? 1.1333 0.04384 75 66 8 1
4987 That obsessively repetitive jingle tune has swirled in my head so long 1.1333 0.03935 90 79 10 1
4988 In high school, I worked at Dairy Queen. Why do you ask? 1.1333 0.03952 75 65 10 0
4989 Don’t worry, it’s not Covid. I just have a head cold. 1.1333 0.04777 75 67 6 2
4990 We were founded in 1936! I’ve been under a lot of pressure for a very long time!! 1.1333 0.03952 75 65 10 0
4991 I don't know what went wrong doc, I thought cooler heads prevail. 1.1333 0.03952 75 65 10 0
4992 I’m sweet on the outside, but inside I feel frozen. 1.1333 0.05557 60 54 4 2
4993 I just can't seem to get... you know... hard. 1.1333 0.04777 75 67 6 2
4994 I can’t take all the screaming anymore. 1.1333 0.04384 75 66 8 1
4995 I'm just not comfortable being seen as Mr. Softie. 1.1333 0.04384 75 66 8 1
4996 She said, "you're just too vanilla." 1.1333 0.03952 75 65 10 0
4997 ... and I'm lo-fat. 1.1333 0.04384 75 66 8 1
4998 I used to have sprinkles, now I'm so vanilla! 1.1333 0.04426 60 52 8 0
4999 You know who doesn't have this problem? The mascot from Hardee's. 1.1333 0.05141 75 68 4 3
5000 I'm nothing but a softee. 1.1333 0.04240 90 80 8 2
5001 On the other hand, I am NOT a slurpee. 1.1333 0.04384 75 66 8 1
5002 I keep having this dream where strangers come up to me and ask what flavor I am." 1.1333 0.04384 75 66 8 1
5003 I can’t get plain vanilla concepts. 1.1333 0.04384 75 66 8 1
5004 It's always the same dream,first I hear that damn jingle,then it's just kids,kids,kids,lining up wanting a piece of me. 1.1333 0.04384 75 66 8 1
5005 I don’t think I can survive another meltdown. 1.1333 0.03952 75 65 10 0
5006 I’m sorry, sometimes I have a tendency to freeze up. 1.1333 0.04777 75 67 6 2
5007 I feel like a raging gelato trapped in a whip-dip physique." 1.1333 0.04384 75 66 8 1
5008 Just when I thought I had this thing licked… 1.1333 0.03952 75 65 10 0
5009 I've had too many meltdowns this summer, my concerns for the climate crisis will kill me 1.1333 0.04384 75 66 8 1
5010 . . . And that's how I found out my real father was actually made of oats 1.1333 0.04384 75 66 8 1
5011 I’m starting to understand how eating disorders require treating the mind 1.1333 0.04777 75 67 6 2
5012 I’m really trying to churn a new leaf, doc 1.1333 0.03935 90 79 10 1
5013 All that relentless licking drove me to realize - Yep, I’m a people pleaser! 1.1333 0.04384 75 66 8 1
5014 I get the sundae scaries too” 1.1333 0.04384 75 66 8 1
5015 When things get heated, it’s really hard not to have a meltdown. 1.1333 0.04384 75 66 8 1
5016 Winter is both easier and harder. 1.1333 0.03935 90 79 10 1
5017 How to convince her that I'm not a softie, Doc? 1.1333 0.03952 75 65 10 0
5018 That god awful jingle rings through my head. Then, children. No, demons! Snarling, rabid, hungry beasts. Their faces dripping with the blood of my dead friends. 1.1333 0.04777 75 67 6 2
5019 I come from a broken McDonald's machine... 1.1333 0.05141 75 68 4 3
5020 Journalling in my dairy doesn't help, and now everyone calls me Mr. Softee 1.1327 0.04009 98 87 9 2
5021 My third wish? That’s where I really screwed up…I asked for a giant ice cream cone head! 1.1325 0.04461 83 74 7 2
5022 I was going for the Saturday Night Live Conehead look, and something went terribly wrong. 1.1325 0.04461 83 74 7 2
5023 When she left, she said I’ll always be cold and single. 1.1325 0.04118 83 73 9 1
5024 I have this ice cream headache that won’t go away. They tell me it’s all in my mind. 1.1325 0.04118 83 73 9 1
5025 My anxiety over leaving air conditioned spaces is not neurotic! 1.1325 0.04118 83 73 9 1
5026 I try to keep cool, but people say I'm soft in the head. 1.1325 0.04118 83 73 9 1
5027 It's the classic complex, of course. I want to eat my father and marry my mother. 1.1325 0.04118 83 73 9 1
5028 I'm such a fraud. They want ice cream, but I'm actually just soft serve. 1.1325 0.04461 83 74 7 2
5029 First it was one of them, then another, and then just they all started screaming... 1.1325 0.04461 83 74 7 2
5030 I dream I’m melting, but I know I’m a good person 1.1325 0.03744 83 72 11 0
5031 Anywhere I go, random people come up to me to lick my head. 1.1325 0.04779 83 75 5 3
5032 My thoughts just seem to swirl around in my head. 1.1325 0.04118 83 73 9 1
5033 It’s ok doc, I know when I’ve been licked. 1.1325 0.04118 83 73 9 1
5034 If only people could see the real me beneath this creamy and crunchy trademark veneer. 1.1325 0.03744 83 72 11 0
5035 I seem to only attract really tall women -- and they never look at my eyes. 1.1325 0.04461 83 74 7 2
5036 I don’t know, Doctor, I still feel twisted by her every whim… 1.1325 0.03744 83 72 11 0
5037 I swear doc it only happened once but because of her big mouth I’ve lived with the shame every day since. 1.1325 0.04118 83 73 9 1
5038 I've always been lactose intolerant. 1.1325 0.03744 83 72 11 0
5039 I screamed a lot, but it didn’t help… 1.1325 0.03744 83 72 11 0
5040 I seem to have brain freeze lately 1.1325 0.04461 83 74 7 2
5041 The 3rd time a Tinder date told me I was the coolest head they had ever met, then... crickets. 1.1325 0.04118 83 73 9 1
5042 Instead of ruining my couch, you should probably see a therapist. 1.1325 0.04779 83 75 5 3
5043 What did my parents expect, giving me a name like Mr. Softy?!? 1.1325 0.04461 83 74 7 2
5044 My mother was always cold to me. 1.1324 0.04140 68 59 9 0
5045 If I fight, I always take a lickin'. Guess I'm just an old softie. 1.1324 0.04640 68 60 7 1
5046 After my one millionth scoop of ice cream, this happened. 1.1324 0.04640 68 60 7 1
5047 Both my parents were a bit nutty. 1.1324 0.04140 68 59 9 0
5048 When the rainbow sprinklers were discontinued I didn't know what to do. But when the butterscotch dip was cancelled . . . 1.1324 0.04640 68 60 7 1
5049 I feel naked without any sprinkles 1.1324 0.04640 68 60 7 1
5050 I wish all my problems would just melt away. 1.1324 0.04140 68 59 9 0
5051 I keep wondering if this is normal. 1.1324 0.04640 68 60 7 1
5052 I’m tired of being a big softee. 1.1324 0.04640 68 60 7 1
5053 I think I've got my sweet tooth licked. 1.1324 0.04640 68 60 7 1
5054 I think I’m too much of a softie. 1.1324 0.04140 68 59 9 0
5055 Doc - I get these terrible headaches every time I eat a human. 1.1324 0.04640 68 60 7 1
5056 Dr. I think I’m headed for a melt down! 1.1324 0.04140 68 59 9 0
5057 Doc, why does your rug look like a hairy egg?" "I dunno Mr. Swirly, why're you asking me stupid questions? 1.1324 0.05091 68 61 5 2
5058 Do YOU think I’m being too sensitive? 1.1319 0.04196 91 81 8 2
5059 Clouds, gloom, doom: when the sun comes out, I'm just a mess! 1.1319 0.03894 91 80 10 1
5060 Doc, the electrodairy therapy froze my mind and twisted it in a new way. 1.1319 0.03566 91 79 12 0
5061 She said she wants excitement and I'm too vanilla 1.1319 0.04477 91 82 6 3
5062 I worry my brain has gone soft 1.1316 0.04329 76 67 8 1
5063 I'm tired of my friends telling me I'm soft in the head. 1.1316 0.04329 76 67 8 1
5064 And I explained to her that it goes against my core values to take that little blue pill. 1.1316 0.04329 76 67 8 1
5065 I have no clout! Everyone calls me Mr. Softie. 1.1316 0.03903 76 66 10 0
5066 I know I’m emotional, but does that make me a Softee? 1.1316 0.04329 76 67 8 1
5067 You're going to have to accept reality. There is a Dairy Queen, and she's a bigger deal than you are. 1.1316 0.04329 76 67 8 1
5068 I've always been such a soft serve. I need to stand up for myself." 1.1316 0.04329 76 67 8 1
5069 I have no friends left. I sued everyone for sexual harassment because they kept licking me. 1.1316 0.04329 76 67 8 1
5070 Then when I thought I was able to finally accept my swirl who walks by with a smug expression but Ms Chiquita Banana and calls me a big drip. 1.1316 0.03903 76 66 10 0
5071 And as much as I wanted to use the strategies we talked about, the same old thing happened again, just like it always does...brain freeze. 1.1316 0.03903 76 66 10 0
5072 Do you know how it feels when everyone just wants to lick you? There's a person under here. 1.1316 0.03903 76 66 10 0
5073 I don't like the new informality, and besides, I don't have a first name. Do people ask Mr. Clean for his? 1.1316 0.04717 76 68 6 2
5074 I feel like a failure, I just can't get hard anymore. 1.1316 0.04329 76 67 8 1
5075 I don't know, Doctor...She keeps dropping hints about wanting us to vacation in Death Valley. Should I be concerned about our relationship? 1.1316 0.04329 76 67 8 1
5076 Among my fears are being frozen out and of course barbecues. 1.1316 0.03903 76 66 10 0
5077 First you felt the Potato was too hot,yet now 1.1316 0.03903 76 66 10 0
5078 . . . And on top of all that, I get the worst cases of brain freeze. 1.1316 0.04717 76 68 6 2
5079 I’ve always wanted to be ‘The Good Humor Man’. 1.1316 0.04329 76 67 8 1
5080 I told her it’s just a stage name. 1.1316 0.04329 76 67 8 1
5081 I'm sick of people asking me how I can be so cold and sweet at the same time. 1.1316 0.03903 76 66 10 0
5082 My hair is a lie- it's just mashed potatoes 1.1316 0.04329 76 67 8 1
5083 Sometimes is actually feels like a brain freeze 1.1316 0.05076 76 69 4 3
5084 Why do I hate the cone so much!? 1.1316 0.04717 76 68 6 2
5085 And I have this nightmare where Hannibal Lecter serves me a bowl of ice cream. 1.1316 0.04329 76 67 8 1
5086 I can't shake this feeling that I'm going soft. 1.1316 0.03903 76 66 10 0
5087 When they ask me who I am, I scream. 1.1316 0.04329 76 67 8 1
5088 There is so much misinformation, I feel like my brain is melting 1.1316 0.03903 76 66 10 0
5089 I hate to see her go, but I love to eat icecream without sharing 1.1316 0.04329 76 67 8 1
5090 I wish I was wanted all year round 1.1316 0.04329 76 67 8 1
5091 But it’s not just me and you. They all scream. 1.1316 0.04717 76 68 6 2
5092 This climate crisis thing is real, you know. I can feel it on my head, I think I'm having a meltdown 1.1316 0.04329 76 67 8 1
5093 I know doctor, I’m too much of a softee. 1.1316 0.03903 76 66 10 0
5094 Nobody recognizes me anymore. I don't even get snide ED remarks. Someone even asked if I was the original conehead! 1.1313 0.03702 99 87 11 1
5095 It's like my brain has been frozen recently 1.1313 0.03970 99 88 9 2
5096 My primary care doc said the brian freeze is all in my head. 1.1311 0.05470 61 55 4 2
5097 And that's when I realized that Epstein didn't kill himself.... wait, where's Shelly? 1.1311 0.05470 61 55 4 2
5098 It's worst when they start boarding be up in the fall. 1.1311 0.05470 61 55 4 2
5099 Why does everyone tell me I have a high DQ? 1.1311 0.04358 61 53 8 0
5100 Every morning I wake up and I scream "Ice Cream!" and my wife rips away the bedsheets and yells "Drip!" 1.1311 0.04945 61 54 6 1
5101 You see doc, my parents always told me brain freeze was a good thing. 1.1311 0.05470 61 55 4 2
5102 Between the lack of dilation and all the twisting due to the umbilical cord around my neck, it’s hard not to blame mother. 1.1311 0.04358 61 53 8 0
5103 It was a really bad dream. She poured me into a bowl. 1.1311 0.04945 61 54 6 1
5104 I don't have any trouble picking up women, but you wouldn't BELIEVE what they want when we get back to their place... 1.1310 0.04072 84 74 9 1
5105 As the weather gets colder I just feel unwanted 1.1310 0.03703 84 73 11 0
5106 Being called Mr. Softy makes me feel very weak. 1.1310 0.04072 84 74 9 1
5107 I'M TIRED OF FOLKS THINKING MR SOFTEE IS ABOUT THAT BEING SOFT 1.1310 0.04072 84 74 9 1
5108 Doc, is feeling like a Dairy Queen really a perversion? 1.1310 0.04072 84 74 9 1
5109 Why is everyone calling me a cone head? 1.1310 0.03703 84 73 11 0
5110 I can never decide between the chocolate or the rainbow sprinkles... 1.1310 0.03703 84 73 11 0
5111 Saturday Night Live said I was too soft. 1.1310 0.04072 84 74 9 1
5112 It's difficult to sustain a relationship when you have brain freeze 24/7. 1.1310 0.04072 84 74 9 1
5113 Why do I let people just walk all over me? 1.1310 0.04072 84 74 9 1
5114 My father was intolerant and my mother was cold. I’m pretty kinky, even though I look vanilla. When she looks at me, I melt. Please, call me Mx. Softhem. To be honest, I’m over the screaming. 1.1310 0.04072 84 74 9 1
5115 I've been living a lie; I'm lactose intolerant. 1.1310 0.04410 84 75 7 2
5116 My one regret is running the ice cream parlor instead of a barber shop." 1.1310 0.04072 84 74 9 1
5117 I'm begging for attention but nobody ever notices me. 1.1310 0.04410 84 75 7 2
5118 The Ice Cream headaches are killing me, Dr., is there something else we can try? 1.1310 0.04410 84 75 7 2
5119 Conehead 1.1310 0.04072 84 74 9 1
5120 In my heart of hearts, I know I'm meant to be a slushie. 1.1310 0.03703 84 73 11 0
5121 I feel like a cone head. 1.1310 0.03703 84 73 11 0
5122 I keep having brain freeze. 1.1310 0.03703 84 73 11 0
5123 I have this constant feeling that people are licking my head. 1.1310 0.04410 84 75 7 2
5124 But I'm NOT a drip! 1.1310 0.03703 84 73 11 0
5125 It's the incessant 'queen' taunts that bother me -- and the curl doesn't help!" 1.1310 0.04072 84 74 9 1
5126 Mr Cone, I don’t believe your issue began after changing your name. 1.1310 0.04072 84 74 9 1
5127 Why are some people so intolerant? 1.1310 0.04072 84 74 9 1
5128 I’m down, I’m blue, I’m defeated, I’m discouraged. I’m licked. 1.1310 0.04072 84 74 9 1
5129 I don’t know why, doc, but it just keeps going round and round in my head 1.1310 0.03703 84 73 11 0
5130 Have you ever considered you may be suffering from a... brain freeze? 1.1310 0.04410 84 75 7 2
5131 I think you should lighten up, you’re being a little bit of a softee 1.1310 0.04072 84 74 9 1
5132 I wish my life was less vanilla. 1.1304 0.05020 69 62 5 2
5133 I find it hard to keep my cool while listening to the media. 1.1304 0.04576 69 61 7 1
5134 In my professional opinion, you soft in the head. 1.1304 0.04084 69 60 9 0
5135 I dunno, my head's just swirling. I feel so twisted up about it, just sprinkled with doubt. The whole thing, it's such a soft serve. 1.1304 0.04576 69 61 7 1
5136 I'm in constant great if a meltdown, doctor. 1.1304 0.04084 69 60 9 0
5137 That jingle, over and over -- I can't get it to stop. 1.1304 0.05020 69 62 5 2
5138 This cone of shame is giving me constant brain freeze 1.1304 0.05020 69 62 5 2
5139 My brain freeze has no taste. 1.1304 0.03854 92 81 10 1
5140 I just find it vey depressing that no one can figure the reason for my ice cream headache. 1.1304 0.05020 69 62 5 2
5141 And then the bully says, 'I can lick you!' 1.1304 0.05020 69 62 5 2
5142 Once SNL took off, I was doomed to be ridiculed. 1.1304 0.04576 69 61 7 1
5143 I was born with a cone-shaped head. So, I figured, ‘Why not?’ 1.1304 0.04084 69 60 9 0
5144 My mother always said I was a softy. I'm strong, I tell you, I'm strong! 1.1304 0.04084 69 60 9 0
5145 My plan was to be the ice cream king, but everybody keeps calling me Dairy Queen. 1.1304 0.04576 69 61 7 1
5146 I've tried everything you said but I just can't lick it. 1.1304 0.04576 69 61 7 1
5147 To be honest, I' am really tired of Jimmy." 1.1304 0.05020 69 62 5 2
5148 They all call me Mister Softee. 1.1304 0.04084 69 60 9 0
5149 I feel like I’m nothing but a softee. 1.1304 0.04084 69 60 9 0
5150 You gotta help me whip this thing, Doc. 1.1304 0.04576 69 61 7 1
5151 I'm sick and tired of people saying I'm just a big softee! 1.1304 0.04576 69 61 7 1
5152 ..to make matters worse, my wife named my "manhood" Mister Softee. 1.1299 0.05012 77 70 4 3
5153 My wife is telling me that I need to be less vanilla 1.1299 0.03856 77 67 10 0
5154 I'm afraid to be drunk. 1.1299 0.03856 77 67 10 0
5155 What do you mean, exactly, by 'I scream.You scream.We all scream for ice cream?' 1.1299 0.04276 77 68 8 1
5156 She said let's go as Cone Heads and you be Dan Aykroyd,, so when i picked her up,, she got totally uspeet.. 1.1299 0.03856 77 67 10 0
5157 And you feel that your mother's forbiddance of sprinkles in the household growing up has held you back professionally? 1.1299 0.03856 77 67 10 0
5158 She was my queen until she became frosty 1.1299 0.03856 77 67 10 0
5159 I've always been cool headed - but the freezing has put an end to my thoughts! 1.1299 0.04276 77 68 8 1
5160 Strangely enough people always call me a sucker. 1.1299 0.04276 77 68 8 1
5161 I’m afraid she only loves me for my sweets. 1.1299 0.04659 77 69 6 2
5162 I just feel like I'm finally going to have a complete meltdown. 1.1299 0.04276 77 68 8 1
5163 I can't help that I'm such a softie. 1.1299 0.03856 77 67 10 0
5164 Have you considered covering it up with a non-novelty condom? 1.1299 0.03856 77 67 10 0
5165 My head was just spinning! I felt like I was going to have a total "meltdown!" 1.1299 0.04659 77 69 6 2
5166 Sniff, sorry I'm just a Big Softie 1.1299 0.04276 77 68 8 1
5167 Last week I went on a date with some beautiful chocolate ice cream, it turned out to be that she was just a turd. 1.1299 0.04659 77 69 6 2
5168 Doc, I just feel so plain! 1.1299 0.04276 77 68 8 1
5169 I think at heart I'm actually just a big softie. 1.1299 0.03856 77 67 10 0
5170 Sooo many people are lactose intolerant! 1.1299 0.04659 77 69 6 2
5171 My self-esteem issue.... I know it's all in my head, but I can't seem to lick it. 1.1299 0.04276 77 68 8 1
5172 It was bad enough being a cone head 1.1299 0.04659 77 69 6 2
5173 Brain freeze – why do you ask? 1.1299 0.04276 77 68 8 1
5174 The headaches seem to worsen during summer. I’d try to figure out the cause, but my brain keeps freezing up. 1.1299 0.03856 77 67 10 0
5175 I just wish they would see I’m soft on the inside too. 1.1299 0.03856 77 67 10 0
5176 Things were going great. Until I found out she's lactose intolerant. 1.1299 0.03856 77 67 10 0
5177 May you turn down the temperature 1.1294 0.04027 85 75 9 1
5178 I walk and speak like a softie but I'm not a softie! 1.1294 0.04027 85 75 9 1
5179 I have this recurring dream where I'm being chased. 1.1294 0.03662 85 74 11 0
5180 I'm a conehead, sure, but I still get brain freeze. 1.1294 0.04361 85 76 7 2
5181 Why do my friends think I’m a push over? 1.1294 0.04027 85 75 9 1
5182 Not so fast, Doc, this is giving me a headache. 1.1294 0.03662 85 74 11 0
5183 I am going to have an absolute breakdown if one more person calls me "Beldar." 1.1294 0.04027 85 75 9 1
5184 Why do I feel brain freezed all the time? 1.1294 0.03662 85 74 11 0
5185 I keep thinking I'm a bit nuts in the head, but when I look in the mirror I'm just plain boring. 1.1294 0.04027 85 75 9 1
5186 My parents gave me a lickin' 1.1294 0.03662 85 74 11 0
5187 My childhood passion was for Dairy Queen 1.1294 0.04027 85 75 9 1
5188 Others keep telling me I've gone soft in the head. 1.1294 0.03662 85 74 11 0
5189 They don’t make softee’s like me anymore 1.1294 0.04671 85 77 5 3
5190 Some days I just wish I could be enough as is. It’s always add sprinkles or cherries or something. 1.1290 0.04292 62 54 8 0
5191 I cannot help but feel that I am licked. 1.1290 0.04869 62 55 6 1
5192 So, doc, why are people telling me, "you are what you eat"! 1.1290 0.03495 93 81 12 0
5193 I’d say my biggest fear is climate change. 1.1290 0.04869 62 55 6 1
5194 Sometimes I don’t feel like an ice cream. 1.1286 0.04514 70 62 7 1
5195 then, they called me dip... 1.1286 0.04030 70 61 9 0
5196 I am experiencing something akin to a brain freeze . . . all the time. 1.1286 0.04514 70 62 7 1
5197 And how does it make you feel when people say you're soft in the head? 1.1286 0.04030 70 61 9 0
5198 I have low self-esteem, but that might be because I'm lactose intolerant. 1.1286 0.04952 70 63 5 2
5199 My head is in a constant state of swirl. 1.1286 0.04030 70 61 9 0
5200 "I know what you're thinking: 'It's all in his head.'" 1.1286 0.04514 70 62 7 1
5201 I remember it so vividly: I screamed, you screamed, we were all screaming. 1.1286 0.04514 70 62 7 1
5202 I just feel like everyone is screaming for me. 1.1286 0.04030 70 61 9 0
5203 But women supposedly like a softie.... 1.1286 0.04030 70 61 9 0
5204 My dad used to say, if you always keep a cool head people will look up to you. 1.1286 0.04514 70 62 7 1
5205 It’s just not the same without Ackroyd. 1.1286 0.04952 70 63 5 2
5206 I know what you're thinking, Doc. My shoes don't match my suit. 1.1286 0.04952 70 63 5 2
5207 But then I glanced at her and she melted, just like that. 1.1286 0.04952 70 63 5 2
5208 Women tell me I'm really cool and they want to "eat me up" but they never get below my head. 1.1286 0.04030 70 61 9 0
5209 I made it out, but my entire family is stuck inside a McDonald’s ice cream maker off I-95. 1.1286 0.04952 70 63 5 2
5210 I'm watching myself melt away. 1.1286 0.04514 70 62 7 1
5211 All I ever wanted was to be called "Sugar Cone. 1.1286 0.04514 70 62 7 1
5212 I wish somebody would buy me an ice cream cone. 1.1286 0.04514 70 62 7 1
5213 They called me “Gloppy.” 1.1286 0.04514 70 62 7 1
5214 Why do you keep asking if I'm not happy to see you? 1.1286 0.04030 70 61 9 0
5215 A rage came over me after he said, "Soft-serve is wimpy." 1.1286 0.04030 70 61 9 0
5216 I'm in constant fear of a huge meltdown! 1.1286 0.04514 70 62 7 1
5217 Doctor, I keep sweating day and night. Can it be related to stress? 1.1286 0.04030 70 61 9 0
5218 I understand. I mean, I know. The family business is important but I was born for the stage. The spotlight. Am I wrong for wanting this? 1.1286 0.04514 70 62 7 1
5219 Why does everyone assume I speak French? 1.1286 0.04952 70 63 5 2
5220 They said to be a capitalist. But where is my capital? 1.1286 0.04514 70 62 7 1
5221 I don’t know Doc, my minds all twisted. 1.1286 0.04514 70 62 7 1
5222 I’m worried that if I get too hot headed I’ll have a complete meltdown. 1.1286 0.04514 70 62 7 1
5223 Vanilla is delicious. I’m just saying. 1.1282 0.03810 78 68 10 0
5224 I don't know why but they always swipe left. 1.1282 0.03810 78 68 10 0
5225 I just don't have the head to cope with global warming 1.1282 0.04224 78 69 8 1
5226 People say they love me, but in the end they just use me for the thrill of it. 1.1282 0.04224 78 69 8 1
5227 I’m afraid of everybody. 1.1282 0.03810 78 68 10 0
5228 And I hate it when they call me softie. 1.1282 0.04224 78 69 8 1
5229 I may have vertigo, Doc. I have this strange swirling feeling 1.1282 0.03810 78 68 10 0
5230 I'm just so afraid I'll disappoint them if I show my hard side. 1.1282 0.04602 78 70 6 2
5231 OK, I know I'm soft-hearted. But it's the way certain people call me 'Mr. Softee' that makes me feel like I'm being taunted. It makes me wish I could just melt! 1.1282 0.04224 78 69 8 1
5232 I am starting to think that I'm being passed over for a promotion because I'm a softy. 1.1282 0.04602 78 70 6 2
5233 I can't pass a Dairy Queen without crying. 1.1282 0.03810 78 68 10 0
5234 Don't hang me out to dry. 1.1282 0.03810 78 68 10 0
5235 I think it started when my parents named me Richard Head. 1.1282 0.04224 78 69 8 1
5236 Being Mr. Softee has been such a headache. 1.1282 0.04224 78 69 8 1
5237 I'm just a cup in a cone's world 1.1282 0.04224 78 69 8 1
5238 It started when I was born a Dairy Queen. 1.1282 0.04224 78 69 8 1
5239 There must be something wrong with me, Doc. Everyone I get intimate with gets brain freeze. 1.1282 0.04602 78 70 6 2
5240 Doc, I'm so confused! I have so many thoughts swirling around in my head! 1.1282 0.04224 78 69 8 1
5241 My wife, her friends. Even my employees. And the name seems to have stuck. 1.1282 0.03810 78 68 10 0
5242 The brain freeze just won't stop,doc! 1.1282 0.04602 78 70 6 2
5243 My childhood was far from vanilla. When Mom was a single scoop, she met Dad at a Dilly Bar. For a while, their lives were a swirl of delight - until things got nutty. That's when they had their banana split, and me my first meltdown. 1.1282 0.04224 78 69 8 1
5244 No one seems to understand that brain freeze is a legitimate disability. 1.1282 0.04224 78 69 8 1
5245 Being Mr. Softee has become unbearable since my ED diagnosis. 1.1282 0.04602 78 70 6 2
5246 My mother insisted on youth tennis, despite the obvious nickname that soon followed 1.1282 0.04602 78 70 6 2
5247 I'll have what she's having 1.1282 0.03810 78 68 10 0
5248 I'm afraid your mother's cool indifference has scarred you. You've been hooked on one thing or another all your adult life. 1.1282 0.04224 78 69 8 1
5249 I’m tired of people seeing me as a big Softee 1.1282 0.03810 78 68 10 0
5250 Doctor your rug triggers my heliophobia, it makes me sweat 1.1282 0.04224 78 69 8 1
5251 Dairy KING! 1.1279 0.03623 86 75 11 0
5252 When I said I wanted to be like the Coneheads, this isn't what I meant. 1.1279 0.03982 86 76 9 1
5253 I scream, you scream, we all scream for therapy – and ice cream! 1.1279 0.03623 86 75 11 0
5254 Sure I love kids, but the constant licking is maddening. 1.1279 0.04312 86 77 7 2
5255 It's like I become invisible every winter. 1.1279 0.03982 86 76 9 1
5256 My wife says I’m cold. 1.1279 0.03623 86 75 11 0
5257 Conehead Chronicles 1.1279 0.03982 86 76 9 1
5258 Why does everybody tell me I'm soft in the head? 1.1279 0.03982 86 76 9 1
5259 Journalism was a disaster. My questions were all soft serve. 1.1279 0.04619 86 78 5 3
5260 I want to stop being so cold towards my family 1.1279 0.03623 86 75 11 0
5261 I don’t mind being a cone head but I hate the brain freeze 1.1279 0.03982 86 76 9 1
5262 Everyone always asks ‘what flavor?’ but never ‘WHY flavor?’ 1.1279 0.03982 86 76 9 1
5263 I'm tired of being soft. 1.1277 0.03460 94 82 12 0
5264 I tell ya doc, to this day, I still recoil at Devo's rejection of my band membership 1.1275 0.03859 102 91 9 2
5265 I wake up in the middle of the night, freezing, and I scream! 1.1273 0.05225 55 49 5 1
5266 I feel like giving up on becoming a gelato. 1.1270 0.04229 63 55 8 0
5267 But "They Softie" isn't who I am? 1.1270 0.04796 63 56 6 1
5268 My parents always wanted me to be a condiment. 1.1270 0.05303 63 57 4 2
5269 I know my fears about Global Warming may be unwarranted and over-exaggerated, doc, but I know it's here, doc. It's hear. I can feel it in my head, doc. Honest, doc. It's already here. 1.1270 0.04229 63 55 8 0
5270 So, I know this might sound twisted… 1.1270 0.04796 63 56 6 1
5271 Why does everyone tell me I’m soft in the head? 1.1270 0.04229 63 55 8 0
5272 Between the constant licks and the fear of melting in the sun, I'm all twisted up inside. 1.1270 0.04796 63 56 6 1
5273 She said she met someone in the freezer aisle. 1.1270 0.04229 63 55 8 0
5274 Since when is "just desserts" supposed to be a bad thing? 1.1270 0.04229 63 55 8 0
5275 You are confusing me Doc: Do you see me as Rob, the basket case, OR, are you diagnosing a case of Baskin-Robbins? 1.1270 0.04796 63 56 6 1
5276 Sleep? I wish! The ice-cream-truck music! I can't get it out of my head. 1.1270 0.04796 63 56 6 1
5277 In arguments, I can’t help it, but I scream 1.1270 0.04796 63 56 6 1
5278 Mr. Softee is tired of being licked. 1.1268 0.03977 71 62 9 0
5279 and then Saturday Night Live had the Coneheads... 1.1268 0.04885 71 64 5 2
5280 It's always the same nightmare. I'm being chased down the street by children while tinkly music plays in the background. 1.1268 0.04885 71 64 5 2
5281 I'm tired of people treating me like they think I'm a softy. 1.1268 0.04454 71 63 7 1
5282 I just can't decide whether sprinkles would make me more glamorous or vain. 1.1268 0.04454 71 63 7 1
5283 ...and in a mocking tone she asked, 'what're you going to do about it, Mr. Softee? ' 1.1268 0.04454 71 63 7 1
5284 With global warming, I don’t know how much longer I can go on. 1.1268 0.03977 71 62 9 0
5285 Bearing in mind the reason I’m here, do you have to keep telling me that you’re going to ‘enjoy getting inside my head?’. 1.1268 0.03977 71 62 9 0
5286 See, that's where I think I messed up. For my third wish, I wished for a giant ice cream head. 1.1268 0.04454 71 63 7 1
5287 If it wasn’t for these constant meltdowns that I keep experiencing I’d feel fine. 1.1268 0.04454 71 63 7 1
5288 I freeze up just thinking about leaving my job at Dairy Queen. 1.1268 0.04454 71 63 7 1
5289 I'm feeling somewhat emasculated these past months. There are only so many "Mr Softee" jokes a guy can stand. 1.1268 0.03977 71 62 9 0
5290 I don’t know doc it feels like people put this stuff in my head 1.1268 0.03977 71 62 9 0
5291 I've never gotten over being rejected by the Coneheads. 1.1268 0.04885 71 64 5 2
5292 Seriously, Doc, this is an ear worm to end all ear worms! 1.1268 0.03977 71 62 9 0
5293 She wanted the curl on top, OK. But chocolate sprinkles? That's not who I am. 1.1268 0.04454 71 63 7 1
5294 Do you have a headrest handy? 1.1268 0.04454 71 63 7 1
5295 Doctor, Why do I feel I'm going soft in the head? 1.1268 0.03977 71 62 9 0
5296 I often have the sensation of "brain-freeze". 1.1268 0.04454 71 63 7 1
5297 I can live with my sugar-and-ice personality, but why vanilla? 1.1268 0.04454 71 63 7 1
5298 I try to be a good man why is someone always saying I deserve a licking? 1.1268 0.03977 71 62 9 0
5299 I'm about to have a total meltdown! 1.1268 0.03977 71 62 9 0
5300 The problem is, doctor, that those things swirling around my head don't seem to be thoughts... 1.1268 0.03977 71 62 9 0
5301 I have difficulty overcoming my reputation of being soft 1.1268 0.04454 71 63 7 1
5302 It's hurtful that people think I have a cold heart as well. 1.1268 0.04885 71 64 5 2
5303 I guess the thing is, I’ve always wanted to be Mrs. Frosty 1.1268 0.04454 71 63 7 1
5304 I think the anxiety mostly comes from being softserve. 1.1268 0.03977 71 62 9 0
5305 And then they just kept flipping me upside down just to see if I’d fall 1.1268 0.04454 71 63 7 1
5306 When your mother's Dairy Queen and your father Sonic, it's hard not to feel licked like a softy, Doc. 1.1268 0.03977 71 62 9 0
5307 My father never understood that I’m not chocolate, I’m not vanilla, I’m nonbinary, fluid. But he’d just sneer and call me Swirl 1.1268 0.05281 71 65 3 3
5308 The kids... they just like me too much. 1.1268 0.04454 71 63 7 1
5309 Have you ever considered replacing your paramecium area rug? 1.1268 0.04454 71 63 7 1
5310 I keep telling every one its just a brain freeze. 1.1268 0.04454 71 63 7 1
5311 And it had to be orange ice cream.. what else could they all call me but Cone O'Brien" @conanco 1.1268 0.04885 71 64 5 2
5312 It just really hurts when everybody calls me soft 1.1268 0.03977 71 62 9 0
5313 Doc, I can tell you with almost absolute certainty—that isn't my kid! 1.1266 0.04890 79 72 4 3
5314 252+ SpA Choice Specs Beads of Ruin Chi-Yu Overheat vs. 252 HP / 4 SpD Vanilluxe in Sun on a critical hit: 2240-2636 (647.3 - 761.8%) -- guaranteed OHKO 1.1266 0.05211 79 73 2 4
5315 I know cultural taboos. But I'm obsessed with being a dairy queen. 1.1266 0.04174 79 70 8 1
5316 The hairdresser said she wanted to give me a really cool manbun. 1.1266 0.03765 79 69 10 0
5317 And then she said--quite coldly to mock my feelings--that we could never marry because I was just too vanilla for her. 1.1266 0.04546 79 71 6 2
5318 Why does everyone describe me as "Frosty"? 1.1266 0.04174 79 70 8 1
5319 I waffle on then I scream 1.1266 0.04174 79 70 8 1
5320 Hey Doc, I can't do this anymore, I'm licked! 1.1266 0.04174 79 70 8 1
5321 I can’t handle this “Mr. Softee, Mr. Softee” all the time. 1.1266 0.04174 79 70 8 1
5322 Really, Doctor, I just feel I’m getting soft in the head! 1.1266 0.04546 79 71 6 2
5323 Don't mind the tears, Doctor. I'm just an old softie. 1.1266 0.04174 79 70 8 1
5324 They say they love me, but I just feel cold. 1.1266 0.03765 79 69 10 0
5325 So what if I am a softie? What's wrong with that? 1.1266 0.03765 79 69 10 0
5326 Everyone calls me Mr. Softee, but I'm really quite macho! 1.1266 0.04174 79 70 8 1
5327 The brain freeze is taking over my life, Doc. 1.1266 0.03765 79 69 10 0
5328 Insignificance? It's worse in the Fall. 1.1266 0.04174 79 70 8 1
5329 All these thoughts swirling in my head...I think I'm on the brink of a meltdown 1.1266 0.04546 79 71 6 2
5330 And why do you think Tom Carvel took a crap on your head? 1.1266 0.04890 79 72 4 3
5331 I'm so depressed. Everyone keeps calling me 'soft.' 1.1266 0.04174 79 70 8 1
5332 I’m in denial about my tasteless personality. 1.1266 0.04174 79 70 8 1
5333 Sometimes I wish I weren’t such a softy. 1.1266 0.03765 79 69 10 0
5334 I feel as if I am about to have a meltdown 1.1266 0.04546 79 71 6 2
5335 It started in the mid-seventies when I failed an SNL audition. 1.1266 0.04174 79 70 8 1
5336 So in Scream Therapy, I start, then you scream and it ends with everyone? 1.1266 0.03765 79 69 10 0
5337 I'm very self-conscious because they make me wear these bow ties. 1.1266 0.04174 79 70 8 1
5338 Would it be so wrong of me to sport a halo top? 1.1266 0.03765 79 69 10 0
5339 …and if I use a hairdryer, I’ll drown! 1.1266 0.03765 79 69 10 0
5340 And they licked me doc!…..right there…….on my head, it was traumatizing, i think i still have ptsd from the assault… 1.1266 0.04174 79 70 8 1
5341 I don’t know Doc, I just feel like I’m on the verge of a serious meltdown.” 1.1266 0.04546 79 71 6 2
5342 My boss thinks I'm soft in the head. So do my wife and kids. Oh, and I always seem to have a melt down when the sun's out. 1.1264 0.04265 87 78 7 2
5343 I get so cold in the winter, and strangers keep trying to lick me. 1.1264 0.03939 87 77 9 1
5344 I was moved to become an SNL conehead back in the ‘80s, the body sculpting craze that ensued since then has gone horribly wrong for me… 1.1264 0.04265 87 78 7 2
5345 It’s one thing to call me a drip, but calling me a softy is bordering on trademark infringement. 1.1264 0.04265 87 78 7 2
5346 I just feel like I'm melting on the inside. 1.1264 0.03584 87 76 11 0
5347 Everyone wants a lick! It's getting old. 1.1264 0.03939 87 77 9 1
5348 My older brother always got the sprinkles and I was stuck with the twist. 1.1264 0.03939 87 77 9 1
5349 I just can’t seem to make the hard decisions in life. 1.1264 0.03939 87 77 9 1
5350 It happened one time doc. Now she won’t stop calling me Mr. Softee 1.1264 0.03939 87 77 9 1
5351 I just can't live with being called a Cone Head any longer. Will this ever melt away? 1.1264 0.03939 87 77 9 1
5352 My wife is an eager partner, but every time she comes in for a lick I melt prematurely. 1.1250 0.04167 64 56 8 0
5353 i don't know doctor.. i think it might be all in my head. 1.1250 0.04820 72 65 5 2
5354 People call me a softy and I just melt. 1.1250 0.04820 72 65 5 2
5355 I'm going nuts with everyone going on and on about global warming. 1.1250 0.04395 72 64 7 1
5356 I know I’m a cone head, but why the ice cream? 1.1250 0.04725 64 57 6 1
5357 The little girl held up her hand and told her mother I was "just soft serve, not the real stuff." Not the real stuff 1.1250 0.04395 72 64 7 1
5358 It’s the nightmares Doc. Sometimes I scream all night. 1.1250 0.03721 80 70 10 0
5359 I thought it was brain freeze until i looked in the mirror. 1.1250 0.03925 72 63 9 0
5360 Everybody keeps calling me a "softy" because I melt quicker. 1.1250 0.03925 72 63 9 0
5361 All my life, I wanted to be cool. 1.1250 0.04820 72 65 5 2
5362 I had a nightmare that soft serve is going to be replaced by AI. 1.1250 0.04395 72 64 7 1
5363 Is it about me, or do they all scream for ice cream? 1.1250 0.03925 72 63 9 0
5364 I'm constantly experiencing "brain freeze." 1.1250 0.04124 80 71 8 1
5365 " "I just feel like I've got an ice cream headache all the time." 1.1250 0.03721 80 70 10 0
5366 It's as if my whole life is moving at 2 miles an hour. 1.1250 0.04492 80 72 6 2
5367 ...and my hats don't fit anymore. 1.1250 0.04124 80 71 8 1
5368 I'm too hard on myself. 1.1250 0.03721 80 70 10 0
5369 Apparently even Viagra doesn't work for Mr. Softie 1.1250 0.04395 72 64 7 1
5370 I just can't understand why I'm constantly getting ice-cream headaches 1.1250 0.04124 80 71 8 1
5371 And then people started saying you look Chocolate to us, where’s your Vanilla Certificate buddy? 1.1250 0.04395 72 64 7 1
5372 Doctor, I keep having these really bad brain freezes. 1.1250 0.03925 72 63 9 0
5373 I mean, I told her just a little off the sides... 1.1250 0.04725 64 57 6 1
5374 So, your goal is to avoid a meltdown ? 1.1250 0.03925 72 63 9 0
5375 Do you know how hard it is to find a girlfriend with a name like mine? 1.1250 0.03925 72 63 9 0
5376 It’s the same stupid, tune, over and over and over.. 1.1250 0.05223 64 58 4 2
5377 Through everything, I've been able to keep my cool. 1.1250 0.04395 72 64 7 1
5378 My wife hates Alaska 1.1250 0.03721 80 70 10 0
5379 Why should I accept I'm just plain vanilla and not a sexy kiwi or kumquat? 1.1250 0.04831 80 73 4 3
5380 Sorry, I had another brain freeze. 1.1250 0.03721 80 70 10 0
5381 My wife is constantly nibbling me. 1.1250 0.03897 88 78 9 1
5382 Air-Head, Dead-Head, Egg-Head, War-Head, Bed-Head, God-Head, Bone-Head, Shit-Head...but never "Gelato-Head" or even "Ice-Cream -Head". I'm just invisible... 1.1250 0.04504 96 88 4 4
5383 I swear, Doc. This ice cream headache thing is real. 1.1250 0.03925 72 63 9 0
5384 Honestly doc, I'm starting to think I'll never find my true flavor. 1.1250 0.03925 72 63 9 0
5385 She keeps telling me I'm just an old softie. 1.1250 0.03897 88 78 9 1
5386 I don't know. Suddenly my head started to swirl. 1.1250 0.04395 72 64 7 1
5387 It's all those people calling me Cone-Head. 1.1250 0.04124 80 71 8 1
5388 I wish I could be the other conehead. 1.1250 0.04124 80 71 8 1
5389 People say I'm full of cold air. 1.1250 0.03721 80 70 10 0
5390 It's like I'm living with brain freeze 1.1250 0.04395 72 64 7 1
5391 I thought she was mint to be with me 1.1250 0.03925 72 63 9 0
5392 I(ce) could just sCREAM, when you keep posting psychiatrist and patient on couch cartoons. 1.1250 0.05210 72 66 3 3
5393 People only love me for my brain. 1.1250 0.05223 64 58 4 2
5394 No, brain freeze is not in your head 1.1250 0.04167 64 56 8 0
5395 Any heat and I just melt. 1.1250 0.03925 72 63 9 0
5396 I thought becoming a cone head meant I’d also become an intellectual. 1.1250 0.04725 64 57 6 1
5397 Sometimes it just feels like maybe I really do have chips-for-brains. 1.1250 0.04395 72 64 7 1
5398 My wife wants a divorce because she claims I’m also Mr. Softee in bed. 1.1250 0.04395 72 64 7 1
5399 It's these horrific nightmares. Whirring machines, pimply kids, fast food restaurants..... 1.1250 0.04124 80 71 8 1
5400 The trouble is, Doc, I don't know whether I'm chocolate, vanilla or strawberry. 1.1250 0.04124 80 71 8 1
5401 But then she told me she wanted to go 'Dutch oven'! 1.1250 0.04492 80 72 6 2
5402 How often are you having these meltdowns? 1.1250 0.04492 80 72 6 2
5403 It’s like I always have a brain freeze. 1.1250 0.04492 80 72 6 2
5404 What if I told you your rug looked like a paramecium, would you think I’d cracked my ice cream cone? 1.1250 0.04124 80 71 8 1
5405 Yeah, the whole thing is skin. The cone part, too. Can we talk about something else? 1.1250 0.04492 80 72 6 2
5406 All my thoughts are frozen. 1.1250 0.03721 80 70 10 0
5407 This may sound self-serving, but I feel I've been left out in the cold. 1.1250 0.04395 72 64 7 1
5408 It feels like they’re screaming AT me and not FOR me lately. 1.1250 0.03925 72 63 9 0
5409 My father was a hothead and I've vowed never to be like him. 1.1250 0.04167 64 56 8 0
5410 "My stomach hurts, and my head hasn't been right either." 1.1250 0.03925 72 63 9 0
5411 I was the first Conehead prototype on Saturday Night Live. I need closure. 1.1250 0.04395 72 64 7 1
5412 I’ve got 99 problems… 1.1250 0.03721 80 70 10 0
5413 She called me a conehead and that was just too much. 1.1250 0.03925 72 63 9 0
5414 Doctor, I had a bad cream last night . 1.1250 0.03925 72 63 9 0
5415 I just can't seem to whip myself into shape 1.1250 0.04124 80 71 8 1
5416 My problems all started with my mother--she ate an ice cream cone the night before I was born. 1.1250 0.04395 72 64 7 1
5417 It all started when I was dipped in lime green 1.1250 0.03925 72 63 9 0
5418 And the she says ‘honestly your just plain vanilla and I need twists in my life.’…I mean talk about a meltdown doc! 1.1250 0.04820 72 65 5 2
5419 So, I get friendzoned as the sweet one and that horrible kale gets the girl. Why? 1.1250 0.04820 72 65 5 2
5420 Thanks for not making a pun about ‘licking’ my brain. 1.1250 0.03925 72 63 9 0
5421 Everyone else is dipped. They just want an oldie like me anymore 1.1250 0.03925 72 63 9 0
5422 I'm just not the same since Sprinkles died. 1.1236 0.03508 89 78 11 0
5423 I'm Sick. I'm Tired. And I'm dis-Custard. 1.1236 0.03508 89 78 11 0
5424 Dad was an icon...vanilla soft serve. I can't get a job at a '50 retro drive-in. Damn rocky road. 1.1236 0.03508 89 78 11 0
5425 I’ve spent all my life being soft. 1.1236 0.03508 89 78 11 0
5426 But I don’t get it…I’ve seen the movie & I look nothing like a cone-head 1.1236 0.04469 89 81 5 3
5427 I've been reduced to vanilla only after a lifetime of service to chocolate and strawberry. 1.1235 0.04438 81 73 6 2
5428 My girlfriend keeps calling me Mr. Softee and know I can't get it up. 1.1235 0.03678 81 71 10 0
5429 Could you explain why I'm always getting brain freeze? 1.1235 0.04076 81 72 8 1
5430 I'm a tough guy! So why do people call me Mr. Softee? 1.1235 0.04438 81 73 6 2
5431 Chocolate? Vanilla? I'm all in a twist. 1.1235 0.04076 81 72 8 1
5432 I have this irrational fear of a meltdown. 1.1235 0.03678 81 71 10 0
5433 I'm finding it difficult to accept vanilla. 1.1235 0.03678 81 71 10 0
5434 I've been getting these splitting headaches lately. 1.1235 0.04076 81 72 8 1
5435 I can't concentrate. It's like I have brain freeze or something. 1.1235 0.03678 81 71 10 0
5436 I believe I struggle with relationships because my mother was extremely cold to me. 1.1235 0.03678 81 71 10 0
5437 Why do they keep calling me "vanilla"? 1.1235 0.03678 81 71 10 0
5438 Tell me you'd go for a guy named Mr. Softee if you were a sexy dame! 1.1235 0.04076 81 72 8 1
5439 I just feel like the "woke crowd" would like me better if I had chocolate swirl. I'm so vanilla. 1.1235 0.04076 81 72 8 1
5440 I can’t help it, doc. Every time someone calls me Softy, I have a meltdown. 1.1235 0.03678 81 71 10 0
5441 I've always felt dull compared to the sugar cone dudes. 1.1235 0.04076 81 72 8 1
5442 I'm whipped, Doc, and not in a good way. 1.1235 0.03678 81 71 10 0
5443 And then she called me vanilla, and left. 1.1235 0.04076 81 72 8 1
5444 And everyone thinks I'm too soft. 1.1235 0.04438 81 73 6 2
5445 “I heard you practice ‘cream’ therapy.” 1.1235 0.04076 81 72 8 1
5446 My exhaust gives kids lung cancer. 1.1235 0.04438 81 73 6 2
5447 There's just so much swirling around in my head these days. 1.1235 0.04773 81 74 4 3
5448 I keep dreaming of the Wicked Witch of the West screaming, "I'm melting! I'm melting!" 1.1235 0.04076 81 72 8 1
5449 She thinks I'm a little vanilla in the bedroom. 1.1235 0.03678 81 71 10 0
5450 Doc, please tell me, Is "brain freeze" suppose to be permanent? 1.1235 0.04773 81 74 4 3
5451 My regular physician could not any physical reason for my headaches and recommended that I see you to see if it is just all in my head. 1.1235 0.04438 81 73 6 2
5452 If I do a mobile order I bet I can get a free ice cream cone after this cession. 1.1235 0.04076 81 72 8 1
5453 It's difficult to date when you're known as Mr. Softee. 1.1235 0.04076 81 72 8 1
5454 Everybody's always trying to lick my head. 1.1235 0.03678 81 71 10 0
5455 What if I'm too much of a softie? 1.1235 0.04438 81 73 6 2
5456 I feel frozen, flavorless and plain. 1.1235 0.04438 81 73 6 2
5457 Im worried if my head stopped swirling i’d lose a part of my identity 1.1235 0.04076 81 72 8 1
5458 I can't stop dreaming about brain freeze. 1.1235 0.04438 81 73 6 2
5459 ….so, I feel like I’m in a permanent state of brain-freeze 1.1235 0.03678 81 71 10 0
5460 a meltdown is always just a heartbeat away 1.1235 0.03678 81 71 10 0
5461 ‘I’m expected to delight everyone all the time!’ 1.1235 0.04076 81 72 8 1
5462 The ice cream was having a meltdown, but the therapist kept his cool. 1.1233 0.04756 73 66 5 2
5463 First it was frozen yogurt, then frozen, decaf soy cappuccino, once kale gets in the mix I'm a goner! 1.1233 0.03875 73 64 9 0
5464 They keep calling me soft. 1.1233 0.03875 73 64 9 0
5465 At work, I feel like such a whippy-dip! 1.1233 0.03875 73 64 9 0
5466 Help me doc, beehive hairdos are no longer cool. 1.1233 0.04338 73 65 7 1
5467 Now, people are more understanding my brain freeze. 1.1233 0.04756 73 66 5 2
5468 Everybody says I'm sweet but nobody says I'm smart. 1.1233 0.04338 73 65 7 1
5469 On the plus side, I never lose my cool. 1.1233 0.04756 73 66 5 2
5470 My ex-wife accused me of being hostile. Maybe my self-image of being sweet is all in my head." 1.1233 0.03875 73 64 9 0
5471 the heat is killing me! 1.1233 0.04338 73 65 7 1
5472 It just feels like if I didn't give em ice cream, nobody would talk to me. 1.1233 0.03875 73 64 9 0
5473 What’s that blog on the floor 1.1233 0.04756 73 66 5 2
5474 All my life I've been labeled a softy. 1.1233 0.04756 73 66 5 2
5475 From her Hot Fudge dipped hairdo to her Waffle Cone body, I was so in love. Then she left me for Chile Pepper Bob. 1.1233 0.04338 73 65 7 1
5476 My mind is swirling, and yet I have brain freeze. 1.1233 0.04756 73 66 5 2
5477 Why must I do to convince you that your head does not look like a soft serve ice cream cone. 1.1233 0.04338 73 65 7 1
5478 I'm getting anxious that summer is coming. This season licks me every year. 1.1233 0.04338 73 65 7 1
5479 Looks like the therapy for your Brownlee Blue 1.1233 0.04756 73 66 5 2
5480 I'm not nuts Doc, they're pecans. 1.1233 0.05141 73 67 3 3
5481 All anyone does is stare. 1.1233 0.03875 73 64 9 0
5482 It's hard being Mister Softee 1.1233 0.04756 73 66 5 2
5483 I know it’s my brand, but it’s just so immasculating. 1.1233 0.04338 73 65 7 1
5484 Some days I feel we aren't all screaming for Ice Cream 1.1233 0.03875 73 64 9 0
5485 And to make it worse, she calls me Mr. Softee. It's damn insulting. 1.1233 0.04338 73 65 7 1
5486 I'm just tired of everyone screaming for me 1.1233 0.04338 73 65 7 1
5487 Everybody tells me how much they miss the real cone heads. 1.1233 0.03875 73 64 9 0
5488 First my mother ran away on a sundae, and then my father and a banana split. 1.1233 0.04338 73 65 7 1
5489 They keep saying I am. Softee 1.1233 0.04338 73 65 7 1
5490 It's the screaming, Doc. It never stops! 1.1233 0.04338 73 65 7 1
5491 I’m just so tried of being called a cone head. 1.1233 0.04338 73 65 7 1
5492 Women say they only love me for my brain. 1.1233 0.05141 73 67 3 3
5493 Global warming has me stressed. 1.1233 0.03875 73 64 9 0
5494 I just wish I weren't such a Softee. 1.1233 0.04756 73 66 5 2
5495 When I was a kid,it was easy being soft serve. Everyone loved me. Now as an adult,no one takes me seriously. 1.1233 0.04338 73 65 7 1
5496 I can never stop thinking about sugar…. 1.1233 0.04756 73 66 5 2
5497 I feel like I've gone soft, doc 1.1233 0.04338 73 65 7 1
5498 Time to chill out and relax 1.1233 0.03875 73 64 9 0
5499 I’m sorry, I have Brain Freeze. Could you please repeat the question? 1.1233 0.04338 73 65 7 1
5500 I never knew my Dairy King. 1.1233 0.03875 73 64 9 0
5501 I keep getting ice cream headaches. 1.1233 0.04756 73 66 5 2
5502 And what’s the source of your problems? Chocolate? 1.1233 0.04338 73 65 7 1
5503 Yeah, I guess sometimes a banana split is just a banana split. 1.1233 0.03875 73 64 9 0
5504 It's upsetting -- all my employees call me Mister Softie." John Canning Sea Cliff, N.Y 1.1233 0.04338 73 65 7 1
5505 I believe you'll need a lid for your id. 1.1233 0.04338 73 65 7 1
5506 Dating is impossible. Everyone Assumes I’m cold, sloppy and fragile. Do you think I should change my name? 1.1233 0.04338 73 65 7 1
5507 I feel like everyone only wants a few scoops of me 1.1233 0.04338 73 65 7 1
5508 It felt so good, doc. But I knew it would be the end of me 1.1233 0.03875 73 64 9 0
5509 Doc, am I too soft 1.1233 0.04338 73 65 7 1
5510 Maybe I am too vanilla 1.1233 0.04338 73 65 7 1
5511 When I told you to work on being a hot-head, this isn’t what I meant. 1.1233 0.03875 73 64 9 0
5512 These dark thoughts about chocolate keep swirling around in my head. 1.1233 0.03875 73 64 9 0
5513 Then I scream, I scream... and I melt down, all over again. 1.1231 0.04655 65 58 6 1
5514 I hear screaming 1.1231 0.04655 65 58 6 1
5515 Climate Change is a challenge for me. 1.1231 0.05146 65 59 4 2
5516 I don’t know…it’s like every day is the same old song. 1.1231 0.04655 65 58 6 1
5517 It's kind of like being in a perpetual state of brain freeze when everyone else seems to be so happy. 1.1231 0.04107 65 57 8 0
5518 Doc, I can’t stop the brain freeze. 1.1231 0.04655 65 58 6 1
5519 I swear, before I became his campaign adviser, I had a real brain. 1.1231 0.04107 65 57 8 0
5520 Everyone I meet out there is just too twisted 1.1231 0.04107 65 57 8 0
5521 I just keep wondering if women really are attracted to my body. 1.1231 0.04655 65 58 6 1
5522 I just found out I'm diabetic. 1.1231 0.04655 65 58 6 1
5523 I really hate kids, my entire life is a lie and that darn jingle is driving me insane. 1.1231 0.04107 65 57 8 0
5524 Like I keep on telling you Doc, I melt in the sun. I'm just not sure you get it - your rug certainly isn't helping. 1.1220 0.04029 82 73 8 1
5525 I know it's just a cold, Doc, but the wife keeps telling me it's all in my head. 1.1220 0.04029 82 73 8 1
5526 Lately I've been getting cartoonist headaches. 1.1220 0.04387 82 74 6 2
5527 So what makes you think you 1.1220 0.04029 82 73 8 1
5528 I feel like I’ve gotten soft. Is it all in my head? 1.1220 0.03636 82 72 10 0
5529 I'm well-loved and personable, but everyone still calls me a queen. 1.1220 0.04029 82 73 8 1
5530 Chocolate flakes give me a headache 1.1220 0.04029 82 73 8 1
5531 Sometimes I feel like my head is totally melting. 1.1220 0.04387 82 74 6 2
5532 My head's been swirling, doc. 1.1220 0.04029 82 73 8 1
5533 And then she told me that I'm just too vanilla. 1.1220 0.03636 82 72 10 0
5534 ...and that's when she started calling me 'Mr. Softee.' 1.1220 0.04029 82 73 8 1
5535 Brain freeze? What's that?!? 1.1220 0.04029 82 73 8 1
5536 But summer is when I’m most desirable and most at risk of melting. I can’t win. 1.1220 0.03636 82 72 10 0
5537 I just have the song stuck in my head… it plays over and over again all day long! 1.1220 0.04387 82 74 6 2
5538 It’s not like I want to say no EVERY TIME they ask me to the beach, Doc… I just have to… and like when they say “you’re so soft”…I never melt under their pressure… Doc, I just can’t go... ugh, they probably think I’m so vanilla! 1.1220 0.04717 82 75 4 3
5539 Hair loss is pretty normal with age. But I've never heard of the sun affecting it so rapidly. I can understand why you'd have concerns. 1.1220 0.04029 82 73 8 1
5540 Everybody – I mean Everybody – asks why I don't melt. And then they ask to lick me. It's pretty distracting for a snooker referee. 1.1216 0.04282 74 66 7 1
5541 Even when I'm with other coneheads I feel like an outsider. 1.1216 0.04282 74 66 7 1
5542 So you feel that softer approach works for you 1.1216 0.03825 74 65 9 0
5543 I mean, yeah, I'm from Good Humor, but don't assume I know why the chicken crossed the road. 1.1216 0.03825 74 65 9 0
5544 I just don't get it, Doc. How do Biden voters live with themselves? 1.1216 0.03825 74 65 9 0
5545 And I haven’t even gotten to Sunday, yet 1.1216 0.03825 74 65 9 0
5546 It is and ice-cream cone head seeping in an office with a potato head taking notes of him. 1.1216 0.03825 74 65 9 0
5547 I’ve been called a Dairy Queen since childhood. 1.1216 0.04282 74 66 7 1
5548 So you say I have aestophobia, the fear of melting? 1.1216 0.03825 74 65 9 0
5549 Wherever I go, people keep throwing stuff on my head. 1.1216 0.04282 74 66 7 1
5550 Is that coconut frosting your donut? 1.1216 0.04282 74 66 7 1
5551 Even my plain life needs dips and sprinkles now and then. 1.1216 0.04282 74 66 7 1
5552 Doc, what does vegan sorbet have that I don’t have? 1.1216 0.04282 74 66 7 1
5553 People are always taking advantage of me. 1.1216 0.03825 74 65 9 0
5554 I blame my father. 1.1216 0.04695 74 67 5 2
5555 Last night I dreamed nobody liked my ice cream flavor. 1.1216 0.03825 74 65 9 0
5556 Well, Doc, I just keep having the strangest feeling that people want to devour me. 1.1216 0.03825 74 65 9 0
5557 Why is it my brother, Lil Whip, ends up becoming a star on Fortnite, while I did everything the right way… college, dead end corp job… I’m nothing. 1.1216 0.04282 74 66 7 1
5558 Brain freeze is the least of my worries 1.1216 0.04282 74 66 7 1
5559 I'm whipped, Doc. Life is just one big scramble. 1.1216 0.04282 74 66 7 1
5560 Just why do you believe that some people are calling you, "Mr. Conehead"? 1.1216 0.03825 74 65 9 0
5561 That jingle was the very last thing they ever heard… 1.1216 0.04282 74 66 7 1
5562 Sometimes I just feel like less Treat, more Twistee. 1.1216 0.04695 74 67 5 2
5563 As a child I always wanted to be a conehead. 1.1216 0.03825 74 65 9 0
5564 I know this seems like a vanilla issue,but inside I'm all swirl. 1.1216 0.03825 74 65 9 0
5565 But, I wanna live my life as hard serve! 1.1216 0.04282 74 66 7 1
5566 And they said they called it a "swirly" 1.1216 0.04282 74 66 7 1
5567 Unfortunately, that's not my only soft spot. 1.1216 0.04282 74 66 7 1
5568 My father? I always felt he was too hard on me. Chris English, Boston, MA 1.1216 0.04282 74 66 7 1
5569 Doc, you've got to help me. I'm convinced I'm lactose intolerant but they keep saying it's all in my head. 1.1216 0.05074 74 68 3 3
5570 And the ironic fact is that I'm struggling to keep my head cool 1.1216 0.04282 74 66 7 1
5571 My heads all in a flurry 1.1216 0.04695 74 67 5 2
5572 This isn't what I meant when I ordered vanilla. 1.1212 0.05071 66 60 4 2
5573 It's hard being softserve in a burning world. 1.1212 0.04588 66 59 6 1
5574 I'm tired of people thinking that I'm soft in the head. 1.1212 0.04048 66 58 8 0
5575 I wanted to be the Coltrane of the Celesta, but all they let me play was that stupid jingle. 1.1212 0.05071 66 60 4 2
5576 Life is a cold, cold swill 1.1212 0.04048 66 58 8 0
5577 Nobody will date a guy called "soft-serve". 1.1212 0.04588 66 59 6 1
5578 I'm tired of feeling so licked. 1.1212 0.04048 66 58 8 0
5579 Doc, I know this sounds twisted… 1.1212 0.04588 66 59 6 1
5580 My wife wants to dip me in chocolate#$? 1.1212 0.05071 66 60 4 2
5581 The rhyme is real! 1.1212 0.04048 66 58 8 0
5582 Doc,Its like I have this brain freeze 1.1212 0.04588 66 59 6 1
5583 I feel naked without syrup. 1.1212 0.04588 66 59 6 1
5584 And for my last wish I told the genie I wanted to be whipped 😰 1.1212 0.04048 66 58 8 0
5585 ‘It’s just all the screaming… I’m not sure how much more I can take.’ @blkqueer 1.1212 0.04588 66 59 6 1
5586 Sure, ‘queen,’ but…why ‘dairy?’ 1.1209 0.03436 91 80 11 0
5587 The other coneheads won’t let me use their restroom. 1.1205 0.03983 83 74 8 1
5588 My wife refers to me as "Mr.Softee" 1.1205 0.03983 83 74 8 1
5589 She said our sex life was becoming too vanilla. 1.1205 0.03983 83 74 8 1
5590 People think I'm a softie and take advantage of me 1.1205 0.03595 83 73 10 0
5591 I just don’t get that melty feeling anymore… 1.1205 0.03595 83 73 10 0
5592 My aspirations? Only to Get through a day without post-nasal drip 1.1205 0.03595 83 73 10 0
5593 I’d feel less vulnerable with a hard shell. 1.1205 0.03983 83 74 8 1
5594 I feel chocolate syrup is running down my cheeks 1.1205 0.03595 83 73 10 0
5595 It's hard to be strong and project self-confidence when everyone calls you Mister Softee. 1.1205 0.03983 83 74 8 1
5596 'I feel like I'll never earn the respect my mother did, and I don't even blame them--The Dairy King Charles III' just doesn't have the same gravitas. 1.1205 0.04336 83 75 6 2
5597 I wish I was a Cone Head. 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
5598 And this demented old pervert with a bunch of scary men around him came up and started licking my head. 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
5599 I had the Sundae Scaries. 1.1200 0.04634 75 68 5 2
5600 I’m the only one in my family who is not a cone head. 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
5601 They wanted cone heads,not ice cream cone heads. 1.1200 0.03778 75 66 9 0
5602 How do I change from being such a softie? 1.1200 0.03778 75 66 9 0
5603 Fair warning, you should probably bring the tissues and mop out. I feel a melt-down coming on. 1.1200 0.03778 75 66 9 0
5604 Believe me, when you're called Mr. Softee all your life, it can't help but hurt your performance in the bedroom. 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
5605 If you really really think about it, vanilla is the best flavor. 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
5606 So you really think I have an edible complex? 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
5607 I feel like my head is in the ice age, but my body is elsewhere 1.1200 0.03778 75 66 9 0
5608 All the girls go to WOODSIDE CREAMERY. Nobody wants a date with MR. SOFTEE. 1.1200 0.04634 75 68 5 2
5609 My parents were bakers; they really wanted a dough-head. 1.1200 0.03778 75 66 9 0
5610 ....and then I work up the courage and my brain just freezes for some reason. 1.1200 0.04634 75 68 5 2
5611 I have a constant feeling that they are going to hang me in a closet soon. 1.1200 0.04634 75 68 5 2
5612 I never realized brain-freeze could be so depressing. 1.1200 0.03778 75 66 9 0
5613 None of the gelato's let me join in any sundae games 1.1200 0.04634 75 68 5 2
5614 I moved from Drury Lane when it became obvious that my style, my Muffin Topsy was too cupcakey for "The Man." 1.1200 0.04634 75 68 5 2
5615 Constant brain freeze is only the half of it. 1.1200 0.05008 75 69 3 3
5616 I keep my head regularly cool. 1.1200 0.03778 75 66 9 0
5617 I wanted to be a dip cone. 1.1200 0.03778 75 66 9 0
5618 I’ve been having a lot of meltdowns recently 1.1200 0.04634 75 68 5 2
5619 Face reality. You''ll never be a Cone-head! 1.1200 0.03778 75 66 9 0
5620 Everyone I date says I give them a headache. 1.1200 0.04634 75 68 5 2
5621 I'm tired of being seen as Mr."Softee". 1.1200 0.03778 75 66 9 0
5622 I guess you could say my life has been a rocky road. 1.1200 0.03778 75 66 9 0
5623 It’s draining needing to be constantly licked morning, noon, and night. 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
5624 The brain freeze is never-ending. 1.1200 0.03778 75 66 9 0
5625 I just can’t get my head straight. 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
5626 In therapy, we find comfort in the simplest of treats 1.1200 0.04634 75 68 5 2
5627 If I have one more person wanting to lick my head, I’ll melt! 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
5628 People only seem to want me right after they've been through a break-up. 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
5629 So, do I understand this correctly, mother was frigid and father was twisted? 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
5630 I could help you, but I’d have to charge. 1.1200 0.05008 75 69 3 3
5631 Just write on your notepad, "Patient appears normal", then we can all just go home and get on with our lives. 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
5632 So how long have these headaches been going on? 1.1200 0.04634 75 68 5 2
5633 But why do I always have to be soft serve when the rest of my life is so hard? 1.1200 0.03778 75 66 9 0
5634 They said it was stated in the fine print… 1.1200 0.03778 75 66 9 0
5635 It's going great until she screams, "Brain Freeze!" 1.1196 0.04043 92 83 7 2
5636 You know, Doc every time I try to clear my head it's still just this constant swirl of cold thoughts. They just won't dessert me. 1.1196 0.03401 92 81 11 0
5637 I can't through a day without a meltdown. 1.1194 0.03991 67 59 8 0
5638 The wife says I'm too soft. 1.1194 0.04523 67 60 6 1
5639 I think you’re letting this Mister Softee thing go to your head . 1.1194 0.03991 67 59 8 0
5640 I just can't stop these thoughts in my head from swirling around and around. 1.1194 0.03991 67 59 8 0
5641 I don't mind the pointing and laughing. It's all those hot licking tongues that terrify me and are melting my world. Can you help? 1.1194 0.03991 67 59 8 0
5642 My friends say I’m frosty. 1.1194 0.03991 67 59 8 0
5643 I'm just a softy! I have no hard chocolate outer shell. 1.1194 0.04523 67 60 6 1
5644 My wife is a scoop of butter pecan. She doesn't respect me. 1.1194 0.03991 67 59 8 0
5645 Fear of global warning is reducing me to a helpless puddle. 1.1194 0.03991 67 59 8 0
5646 I HATE when they call me "Mr. Softee" 1.1194 0.03991 67 59 8 0
5647 She said I'm a very cold person 1.1194 0.03991 67 59 8 0
5648 So you think if I work on my confrontational skills nobody will call me "Mr. Softy" anymore? 1.1194 0.04998 67 61 4 2
5649 I feel like I just can't control these meltdowns any more. 1.1194 0.04523 67 60 6 1
5650 She said she'd like me better if I was dipped in chocolate. 1.1194 0.03991 67 59 8 0
5651 I’m soft on her, but she thinks I’m only lickable. 1.1194 0.04523 67 60 6 1
5652 I just can't meet women. 1.1194 0.04523 67 60 6 1
5653 It’s hard to feel good about myself when everyone just sees me as a pile of poop. 1.1194 0.04523 67 60 6 1
5654 When I play tennis, everyone expecting an ace, but really I'm all about a soft serve 1.1194 0.04523 67 60 6 1
5655 I feel that I’m becoming too soft 1.1194 0.04523 67 60 6 1
5656 This patient is a true enigma. How can someone be so cold and yet... so soft 1.1194 0.04998 67 61 4 2
5657 I don’t feel like Im enough. She always asks me to bring sprinkles with me 1.1194 0.04523 67 60 6 1
5658 ….and then I dreamt I was surrounded by a thousand hungry tongues 1.1190 0.03938 84 75 8 1
5659 The stress is too much when they all scream for ice cream. 1.1190 0.03555 84 74 10 0
5660 My sprinkles have fallen out from climate anxiety. 1.1190 0.04286 84 76 6 2
5661 Women just don’t want to get to know me. They just want to lick my hair. 1.1190 0.03938 84 75 8 1
5662 I am afraid you have a classic case of sprinkle envy. 1.1190 0.03555 84 74 10 0
5663 I'm used to a bit of teasing, but it's the jokes on Sunday that I just can't stand. 1.1190 0.03938 84 75 8 1
5664 People look at me like I’ve got ice cream all over my face… 1.1190 0.03938 84 75 8 1
5665 I just feel like all my ideas are kind of vanilla. 1.1188 0.03236 101 89 12 0
5666 Nobody likes blueberry icecream anymore. 1.1186 0.04886 59 53 5 1
5667 It's a Rudy Giuliani thing, Doctor. I'm terrified that I might start dripping in the middle of an important meeting. 1.1186 0.05451 59 54 3 2
5668 I don’t mind an occasional lick, but when someone suggests chocolate sauce and krinkles, I really feel used. 1.1186 0.04246 59 52 7 0
5669 My childhood was a real Rocky Road -Taylor S. Boston, MA 1.1184 0.04175 76 68 7 1
5670 I know I have self-esteem issues about my height, but I take exception with the Neapolitan complex diagnosis. 1.1184 0.04175 76 68 7 1
5671 Strangers want to give me a licking. 1.1184 0.03731 76 67 9 0
5672 Always thinking of Dairy Queen. 1.1184 0.04576 76 69 5 2
5673 ...then she said I was sweet, but I couldn't stand the heat. 1.1184 0.03731 76 67 9 0
5674 Here I go again getting all weepy. Mr. Softie. 1.1184 0.04576 76 69 5 2
5675 So then she said, "let me guess, your name is Mr. Softee." 1.1184 0.03731 76 67 9 0
5676 I always thought I was open minded, but then she wanted to dip me. 1.1184 0.03731 76 67 9 0
5677 And why are you surprised that Saturday Night Live is suing you for royalties? 1.1184 0.04175 76 68 7 1
5678 I'm just a Dairy Queen for chrissakes; I shouldn't have to wear a suit! 1.1184 0.04175 76 68 7 1
5679 Ever since I can remember, I’ve been soft, too soft. 1.1184 0.04175 76 68 7 1
5680 I'm here because my wife says I'm soft in the head. 1.1184 0.04175 76 68 7 1
5681 They look like the trousers I used to wear before I gave up ice cream. 1.1184 0.03731 76 67 9 0
5682 I’m not accepted as a Conehead even on this planet! 1.1184 0.03731 76 67 9 0
5683 Why does it never sprinkle on me? 1.1184 0.04175 76 68 7 1
5684 Can you prescribe an intravenous viagra drip? 1.1184 0.03731 76 67 9 0
5685 What’s wrong with being plain vanilla? 1.1184 0.03731 76 67 9 0
5686 I am constantly having a brain freeze! 1.1184 0.04175 76 68 7 1
5687 I mean, yeah, it's great in the summer 1.1184 0.04576 76 69 5 2
5688 A pain that can only be desccribed as "brain freeze" has become unrelenting. 1.1184 0.03731 76 67 9 0
5689 I've been so vanilla lately. 1.1184 0.04175 76 68 7 1
5690 If I'm really so cold, why do they call me a softie? 1.1184 0.04175 76 68 7 1
5691 Apple-polishers, butt-kissers, head-lickers ... I've got to deal with them all, and it makes my workday so emotionally exhausting. 1.1184 0.04175 76 68 7 1
5692 My wife says I’m too much of a softy. Whatever that means. 1.1184 0.04175 76 68 7 1
5693 I avoid mirrors. It's a cruel reminder of my lactose intolerance 1.1184 0.04175 76 68 7 1
5694 I was told it’d be a different hat after my doctorate 1.1184 0.03731 76 67 9 0
5695 I just want to find a chill woman 1.1184 0.04175 76 68 7 1
5696 She says the thrill is dwindling.. 1.1184 0.04175 76 68 7 1
5697 I am not able to decide which topping to put on today. It is the same dilemma each day if you know what I mean 1.1184 0.03731 76 67 9 0
5698 The brain freeze is really starting to get to me. 1.1184 0.04175 76 68 7 1
5699 Some say bald is sexy, but I’d prefer any topping.” 1.1183 0.03698 93 83 9 1
5700 Doctor, I'm still struggling with brain freeze. 1.1183 0.03367 93 82 11 0
5701 I have this feeling that something is eating me from the inside. 1.1176 0.03936 68 60 8 0
5702 Why do they call me Mr. Softee 1.1176 0.03515 85 75 10 0
5703 Hard to believe, but this all started with the first lick. 1.1176 0.04459 68 61 6 1
5704 No matter how hard I try to lick it, I can't stop the brain freeze. 1.1176 0.03893 85 76 8 1
5705 But doctor, I really don't have any signs of burnout. 1.1176 0.03936 68 60 8 0
5706 What can I do--my parents named me Bel-Dar? 1.1176 0.03893 85 76 8 1
5707 I wanted to be a Conehead on Saturday Night Live, not an ice cream cone. 1.1176 0.03936 68 60 8 0
5708 And then there was this brief flirtation with a waffle cone... 1.1176 0.03936 68 60 8 0
5709 I'm having an identity crisis. I don't look anything like either of my parental units. 1.1176 0.04459 68 61 6 1
5710 Please help me doc. I feel like such a drip. 1.1176 0.04459 68 61 6 1
5711 the yellow ribbon was really getting shabby! 1.1176 0.03515 85 75 10 0
5712 I can’t understand why I’m unable to be assertive, doc. 1.1176 0.03515 85 75 10 0
5713 The brain freeze I can live with, it's being called a doodoohead that hurts 1.1176 0.04927 68 62 4 2
5714 I'm from the Canadian branch of the Coneheads family, but Beldar ignores me! 1.1176 0.04927 68 62 4 2
5715 I can't seem to shake off the feeling that I'm getting soft in the head. 1.1176 0.04927 68 62 4 2
5716 Rumor around the office is that I’m a Softee. 1.1176 0.03515 85 75 10 0
5717 I know this is unprofessional, but would you like to meet my kids? 1.1176 0.04459 68 61 6 1
5718 I'm feeling frostie. 1.1176 0.03893 85 76 8 1
5719 Doc, I'm sick of everyone saying, 'Oh look, here comes mister softtee.' 1.1176 0.04459 68 61 6 1
5720 Please may I get a 'script for my ice cream headache. 1.1176 0.03936 68 60 8 0
5721 But it worked on Saturday Night Live. 1.1176 0.03936 68 60 8 0
5722 I guess it's like, chocolate is so popular and people are always like, "You're so nuanced!" But sometimes I just want to be uncomplicated. 1.1176 0.03936 68 60 8 0
5723 You know me better than my cat knows me. 1.1176 0.03936 68 60 8 0
5724 I thought I was being chill but I guess it came off too vanilla. 1.1176 0.04927 68 62 4 2
5725 I need a much stronger prescription for the recurring brain freeze. 1.1176 0.04459 68 61 6 1
5726 I really hope you can help me lick this brain funk I've been experiencing. 1.1176 0.04459 68 61 6 1
5727 She didn’t like the way I dipped. 1.1176 0.04459 68 61 6 1
5728 I can not make a decision 1.1176 0.03936 68 60 8 0
5729 I can’t control it, sweet things are constantly on my mind…. 1.1176 0.03936 68 60 8 0
5730 I hear that truck coming up the street, that music box, that song, I just want to melt!! 1.1176 0.04459 68 61 6 1
5731 … no one loves the swirl anymore… 1.1176 0.03936 68 60 8 0
5732 Cooling hats- just what the doctor ordered! 1.1176 0.03936 68 60 8 0
5733 When I was young I was picked on by the ice cream coneheads because I was a soft serve. 1.1176 0.03936 68 60 8 0
5734 Everyone else at the firm has sprinkles. 1.1176 0.04459 68 61 6 1
5735 I just can't take working on Sundaes any more"| (Louis Narushima-Johnson, 13 1.1176 0.03936 68 60 8 0
5736 I can’t seem to just let my problems melt away. 1.1176 0.04459 68 61 6 1
5737 Sometimes I worry that I'm just too vanilla. 1.1176 0.03515 85 75 10 0
5738 I got a brain freeze! 1.1176 0.03893 85 76 8 1
5739 So many ideas swirling in my head. I wanted to be frank, just not Frank Carvel. 1.1176 0.03936 68 60 8 0
5740 I tried going on Neal Brennan's podcast, but he said "fear of sprinkles" isn't a block. 1.1176 0.03893 85 76 8 1
5741 I don’t understand why the Coneheads wouldn’t accept me. 1.1176 0.04459 68 61 6 1
5742 Doctor,global warming is killing my tribe. Can we discuss this? 1.1176 0.04459 68 61 6 1
5743 And then he bit me! With his TEETH! 1.1176 0.03936 68 60 8 0
5744 My shit does get hard, you know. Happens one time with the easiest girl on the cheerleading squad and you're Mister Softee for life. But my shit is rock hard actually. Vascular, too. Swear to god, dude. I can show you right now if you want. 1.1176 0.04927 68 62 4 2
5745 I think we've made real progress on my frigidity. 1.1176 0.03936 68 60 8 0
5746 My head has been swirling with thoughts. 1.1176 0.04459 68 61 6 1
5747 No one ever screams CONE! 1.1176 0.03936 68 60 8 0
5748 And that when the cone heads said I wasn’t one of them! 1.1176 0.04927 68 62 4 2
5749 Doctor, I’m just feeling licked… 1.1176 0.03893 85 76 8 1
5750 But I'm not a cone-head. 1.1170 0.03660 94 84 9 1
5751 I guess I’m just a big softie. 1.1169 0.03685 77 68 9 0
5752 I try to focus, but my mind is just swirling. 1.1169 0.04519 77 70 5 2
5753 I’ve been depressed since Saturday Night Live refused to pay royalties for the Conehead sketch. 1.1169 0.03685 77 68 9 0
5754 For some reason I can't get sprinkles out of my mind 1.1169 0.03685 77 68 9 0
5755 And then when I finally got accepted by the other kids that f****** conehead movie came out . 1.1169 0.04123 77 69 7 1
5756 It all started around the time I split with Banana 1.1169 0.04519 77 70 5 2
5757 Some people can't get that I'm both cold and sweet 1.1169 0.03685 77 68 9 0
5758 I hate to be a drip but there’s no way I’m gonna melt down all my problems for you. 1.1169 0.04519 77 70 5 2
5759 Please help me figure out why my soft serve is too stiff. 1.1169 0.03685 77 68 9 0
5760 Just because my name is Cone everyone just assumes I’m Jewish….and I’m simply plain vanilla 1.1169 0.04123 77 69 7 1
5761 I'm just too creative, I suppose. 1.1169 0.04123 77 69 7 1
5762 She said I was too vanilla 1.1169 0.04123 77 69 7 1
5763 I’m having a hard time finding a lover doc. Everyone assumes soft in the head also means soft in the bed. 1.1169 0.03685 77 68 9 0
5764 My mom was an ass! 1.1169 0.04123 77 69 7 1
5765 I keep repeating the same pattern. I always pull away just as things start to heat up. 1.1169 0.04123 77 69 7 1
5766 I have a sense lately, that no one is attracted to me. Could this just be seasonal affective disorder? 1.1169 0.04123 77 69 7 1
5767 There’s just a lot swirling inside my head 1.1169 0.03685 77 68 9 0
5768 I don’t understand why everyone calls me “cone head”. 1.1169 0.04123 77 69 7 1
5769 Doc, these days it feels like I have brain freeze. 1.1169 0.04123 77 69 7 1
5770 Brain freeze is my diagnosis. 1.1169 0.04123 77 69 7 1
5771 Oh sure, everyone knows I'm Mister Softee. But that name is destroying my love life. 1.1169 0.04123 77 69 7 1
5772 What bring you in today? Brain freeze. 1.1169 0.04123 77 69 7 1
5773 People accuse me of being a soft touch! 1.1169 0.03685 77 68 9 0
5774 "It's the jingle-it really makes me rethink my life choices, you know?" 1.1169 0.04519 77 70 5 2
5775 Unfortunately in this economy, Cash. Rules. Everything. Around. Me. 1.1169 0.04123 77 69 7 1
5776 Everyone calls me Mr. Softee. I get that I’m sweet and bring smiles to children but sometimes I wish I was more feared than loved. 1.1169 0.04123 77 69 7 1
5777 I'm tired of being called Mister Softee, I need help learning to assert myself better. 1.1169 0.04123 77 69 7 1
5778 She knew my name was “Mr. Softee when we first met”!!! 1.1169 0.04123 77 69 7 1
5779 This happens when I've been avoiding therapy—I turn to ice cream. 1.1167 0.04179 60 53 7 0
5780 My whole life is a cone of uncertainty. 1.1167 0.04808 60 54 5 1
5781 And then it all seems to melt away 1.1167 0.04179 60 53 7 0
5782 Yes, objectified, that’s it completely…why can’t people stare into my eyes for once? 1.1167 0.04179 60 53 7 0
5783 Cone head? Brain freeze? Don’t think we hit the bull’s eye yet. 1.1167 0.04808 60 54 5 1
5784 The emptiness of being a conehead has overtaken me. I really want to serve people instead of being served. 1.1167 0.04808 60 54 5 1
5785 Give it to me straight, doc, am I soft in the head? 1.1163 0.03850 86 77 8 1
5786 The chains, the chains were easy to break, but the whip--just can't seem to get it out of my head! 1.1163 0.03850 86 77 8 1
5787 When I think of ice cream my mind just freezes up. 1.1163 0.03850 86 77 8 1
5788 It all started when my mother took a second job at Dairy Queen. 1.1163 0.03477 86 76 10 0
5789 I feel like such a fraud. I bought a hybrid car so it looks like I care about global warming. Meanwhile, I always fill it with gas because I have such a fear of melting. 1.1163 0.03850 86 77 8 1
5790 I'm not stupid. Why do people keep calling me a conehead? 1.1163 0.03850 86 77 8 1
5791 I feel like the only one who can’t lick it. 1.1159 0.03882 69 61 8 0
5792 . . . and then I find out I'm just frozen custard. 1.1159 0.04397 69 62 6 1
5793 Nobody seems to want to date Mr. Softserve... 1.1159 0.04397 69 62 6 1
5794 I 'm not as popular as rocky road. 1.1159 0.03882 69 61 8 0
5795 I just feel like affirmative action is ruining my chances. No one wants plain vanilla anymore. 1.1159 0.03882 69 61 8 0
5796 My wife says I'm freezing her out. 1.1159 0.03882 69 61 8 0
5797 And the worst of it is, I don't like vanilla. 1.1159 0.04397 69 62 6 1
5798 I'd do-o-o anything for my dad, he's a Klondike bar. 1.1159 0.04397 69 62 6 1
5799 Just because I feel like I have many flavors I don’t think it’s fair to charge it at a group rate 1.1159 0.03882 69 61 8 0
5800 I think I’m being to hard on myself 1.1159 0.03882 69 61 8 0
5801 Sometimes I feel like I’m a slushy trapped in a soft-serve body. 1.1159 0.03882 69 61 8 0
5802 Climate Change is killing me. I lost my frozen cherry on top yesterday today and now I'm dripping all over your floor, Doc! 1.1159 0.04858 69 63 4 2
5803 I think I’m growing soft in the head. 1.1159 0.03882 69 61 8 0
5804 I’ve got 99 problems… and a British pun. 1.1159 0.04397 69 62 6 1
5805 I don't know why I can't get that jingle out of my head. 1.1159 0.04397 69 62 6 1
5806 Please tell me more about your latest meltdown. 1.1159 0.03882 69 61 8 0
5807 Once we mind meld, you'll get a taste for me. 1.1159 0.03882 69 61 8 0
5808 I won't ever be Hot. 1.1159 0.04397 69 62 6 1
5809 I don't think Cuss-Turd is what I want people calling me. Lately they've been asking if I'm Sikh. There's just so much... 1.1159 0.03882 69 61 8 0
5810 I can’t stop thinking about global warming. 1.1159 0.03882 69 61 8 0
5811 She says I’m too cold towards her. 1.1159 0.03882 69 61 8 0
5812 I'm usually okay with being a conehead doctor, but lately it has been increasingly giving me that feeling of brain-melt. 1.1159 0.04858 69 63 4 2
5813 My parents just raised me as a plain vanilla guy. How can I add some flavor to my life. 1.1159 0.03882 69 61 8 0
5814 The brain-freeze has been weighing me down lately 1.1159 0.04858 69 63 4 2
5815 It feels like my brains are melting away. 1.1159 0.04397 69 62 6 1
5816 …and then I woke up screaming.” “Ah yes, we all scream. 1.1159 0.03882 69 61 8 0
5817 I fear I've gone soft 1.1159 0.04397 69 62 6 1
5818 I can certainly understand how global warming is of particular concern to you 1.1159 0.04397 69 62 6 1
5819 I don't know what to do doc. My girlfriend used to say I was a dream come true. Now, she blames me for being soft. 1.1159 0.03882 69 61 8 0
5820 And that’s when I knew. I had to get out of there before I melted. 1.1159 0.03882 69 61 8 0
5821 My employees say I’m frigid and unrelatable, but I’d warm up quickly if they’d spend even a few minutes with me… 1.1159 0.04397 69 62 6 1
5822 I have this constant fear of getting beheaded by a Turkish ice cream guy 1.1159 0.04397 69 62 6 1
5823 If they'd just stop with the Frosty-the-snowman jokes... 1.1158 0.03624 95 85 9 1
5824 I may be a softee, but my heart is frozen solid. 1.1158 0.03624 95 85 9 1
5825 Well Doc, it all started when I was rejected by the coneheads on SNL, so I decided to be a dairy queen. 1.1154 0.04073 78 70 7 1
5826 It's the headaches, Doc, they come and go. 1.1154 0.03641 78 69 9 0
5827 I want my friends to like me for me, not just to lick me. 1.1154 0.03641 78 69 9 0
5828 They keep telling me that pressing my tongue to the roof of my mouth will help, but doc, I'm starting to think its all in my head. 1.1154 0.04073 78 70 7 1
5829 I have been trying to tell people "no", but I'm just a big Softee. 1.1154 0.04073 78 70 7 1
5830 My mother showed no affection, she was so cold. 1.1154 0.04073 78 70 7 1
5831 I go to the gym 3 times a week and they still call me Mr. Softee. 1.1154 0.04463 78 71 5 2
5832 People think that I'm a soft head! 1.1154 0.04073 78 70 7 1
5833 Doc, how do I even begin to tell the Sprinkles that I've chosen the Jimmies? 1.1154 0.04073 78 70 7 1
5834 My relationships? They just never seem to firm up enough. 1.1154 0.04073 78 70 7 1
5835 People keep saying I’m soft in the head. 1.1154 0.03641 78 69 9 0
5836 you’d think she would know what to expect… 1.1154 0.04073 78 70 7 1
5837 I don't want to be a softee anymore. 1.1154 0.03641 78 69 9 0
5838 I've been wearing bowties for years, but one day I think "I'll throw on some cotton gloves too" 1.1154 0.04463 78 71 5 2
5839 I...I don't know, doctor. It's eating me up inside. 1.1154 0.03641 78 69 9 0
5840 My wife sys I'm bland. Shoould I try chocolate sprinkles or go all out and switch to strawberry? 1.1154 0.03641 78 69 9 0
5841 And then the wife called me Mr.Softie. 1.1154 0.04073 78 70 7 1
5842 It’s just that, things get a bit heated sometimes. And honestly, I don’t know if I have it in me to take another meltdown. 1.1154 0.04073 78 70 7 1
5843 I keep sweating and melting, is it the stress or is it the climate change?” 1.1154 0.03641 78 69 9 0
5844 Have any of your other patients ever benefitted from cryotherapy? 1.1154 0.03641 78 69 9 0
5845 …and my mother-in-law licked my head…so embarrassing 1.1154 0.03641 78 69 9 0
5846 .... and the tribe gave me this crown and proclaimed me their leader ! 1.1154 0.04073 78 70 7 1
5847 And there I was… completely dairy free everyone just laughed. 1.1154 0.04073 78 70 7 1
5848 I guess you're right. I am a softy. Every time they play that jingle, I get served. 1.1154 0.04073 78 70 7 1
5849 I guess maybe I'm just tired of everyone calling me a "Conehead." 1.1149 0.04144 87 79 6 2
5850 I'm an Influencer, and I have this recurrent nightmare about losing my cool 1.1149 0.03808 87 78 8 1
5851 I seem to spend most of my time just staring into space... 1.1149 0.03808 87 78 8 1
5852 , Everyone wants to lick me, Doc. 1.1149 0.03439 87 77 10 0
5853 I long to melt my self-image as perpetually cool-headed. 1.1148 0.04115 61 54 7 0
5854 This is a chilling experience for me, one scoop at a time" 1.1148 0.05278 61 56 3 2
5855 Sprinkles! She only wanted me for my sprinkles. 1.1148 0.04732 61 55 5 1
5856 Sometimes I just… freeze! 1.1148 0.04732 61 55 5 1
5857 Never thought I’d see the day when ice cream mascots would be so insecure. 1.1148 0.04732 61 55 5 1
5858 They said I have no purpose and I'm self-licking. 1.1148 0.04115 61 54 7 0
5859 I have this recurring dream where everyone's screaming my name. 1.1148 0.04732 61 55 5 1
5860 I just can’t seem to shake it off this time. 1.1148 0.04732 61 55 5 1
5861 I didn't stand up for myself AGAIN. Just call me Mr. Softee, I guess. 1.1146 0.03588 96 86 9 1
5862 And then I wake up, but I still have a brain freeze. 1.1146 0.03268 96 85 11 0
5863 It is hard to be intimate when everyone calls you Mr. Softy. 1.1143 0.04791 70 64 4 2
5864 Between being called "Conehead" and "Mr. Softee", I had a very hard time in school. 1.1143 0.03830 70 62 8 0
5865 I thought it was a hairdryer, but it turned out to be a kitchen appliance... that's when all the trouble started. 1.1143 0.03830 70 62 8 0
5866 People seem to think I'm soft in the head!" 1.1143 0.04337 70 63 6 1
5867 I just want some reduction, I don't expect the world! 1.1143 0.04337 70 63 6 1
5868 Doc, I can’t take the ED jokes anymore 1.1143 0.03830 70 62 8 0
5869 Everyone calls me "Conehead" and it causes me melt-downs. 1.1143 0.04337 70 63 6 1
5870 Am I paranoid to be fear-filled about climate change? 1.1143 0.04337 70 63 6 1
5871 Doc, this goes beyond your everyday brain freeze. I need help. Can't you see that I am melting here... 1.1143 0.03830 70 62 8 0
5872 I feel so rejected,discriminated against. In fancy restaurants,they always ask for tortoni or spumoni,never me,frozen custard. 1.1143 0.03830 70 62 8 0
5873 I wasn’t dipped. 1.1143 0.04337 70 63 6 1
5874 So what it comes down to is 'Is it a drip or am I a drip?' 1.1143 0.04337 70 63 6 1
5875 I fear that no one will ever lick me the way I am. 1.1143 0.04791 70 64 4 2
5876 Yes, but WHY does she love me? 1.1143 0.03830 70 62 8 0
5877 As soon as I meet somebody, they just take and take 'til there's nothing left! 1.1143 0.04337 70 63 6 1
5878 I am distressed with constantly being called a “Cone Head” 1.1143 0.03830 70 62 8 0
5879 I dreamt I was a perspiring Rudy Giuliani. 1.1143 0.04337 70 63 6 1
5880 I think I have seasonal depression, doc. Like whenever summer arrives, I start feeling so sad and empty, as if I were having a meltdown. 1.1143 0.03830 70 62 8 0
5881 Well. Maybe because my father was a dairy farmer and my mother was a queen? 1.1143 0.03830 70 62 8 0
5882 I have this recurring dream of people licking my hair wherever I go. 1.1143 0.03830 70 62 8 0
5883 I’m suffering from constant breeze freeze 1.1143 0.04337 70 63 6 1
5884 My partner says I'm cold toward her. 1.1143 0.03830 70 62 8 0
5885 Sometimes it just gets so hard and I scream. 1.1143 0.04337 70 63 6 1
5886 I just don’t know why she called me frigid. 1.1143 0.03830 70 62 8 0
5887 Since I have come back from Australia, it just won’t twirl the way it always has. 1.1143 0.04337 70 63 6 1
5888 I used to be such a hot head. 1.1143 0.03830 70 62 8 0
5889 I'm just not sure doc, I feel and taste bittersweet. I try to enjoy something, but it feels like the consequences of my past actions never go away, it badly melts into my brain just by thinking about it 1.1143 0.03830 70 62 8 0
5890 He just doesn’t feel comfortable whipping me. 1.1143 0.04337 70 63 6 1
5891 In Philadelphia, I was attacked by Jimmies... everywhere else seemed friendlier. 1.1143 0.04337 70 63 6 1
5892 My wife asked for a divorce. She said I’m too soft. 1.1143 0.04791 70 64 4 2
5893 You know, I'm actually a very warm person. 1.1143 0.03830 70 62 8 0
5894 I will wait for your brain freeze to pass before we continue. 1.1143 0.04337 70 63 6 1
5895 It’s my winter depression again… 1.1143 0.04337 70 63 6 1
5896 They all say I'm not "real"...I'll show them . 1.1143 0.03830 70 62 8 0
5897 Once I hear that jingle, Doc, it’s stuck in my head forever 1.1143 0.04337 70 63 6 1
5898 Too cold to express my feeling. Or I may melt down Doctor 1.1143 0.04337 70 63 6 1
5899 Imagine being called SOFT your whole life. My dad was a popsicle for goodness, sake! 1.1143 0.04337 70 63 6 1
5900 I’ve cone to the conclusion that I am just a cold-hearted person. 1.1143 0.04337 70 63 6 1
5901 Do you know how difficult it is for me to be lactose intolerant? 1.1143 0.03830 70 62 8 0
5902 I tell you, Doc, you go through high school looking like this, you take a licking every day. 1.1139 0.04023 79 71 7 1
5903 My problem is that my head is a tub of ice cream. 1.1139 0.04408 79 72 5 2
5904 Damn that Aykroyd and Curtain! 1.1139 0.04023 79 71 7 1
5905 How long have you been feeling that way, Mr. Cone? 1.1139 0.04023 79 71 7 1
5906 Did you know that the Co-Pay allows me to lick you. 1.1139 0.04023 79 71 7 1
5907 Everyone wants me to be gelato, but I'm more soft-serve. 1.1139 0.03597 79 70 9 0
5908 Climate change—New York in summer—makes me feel like I just haven’t got a future! 1.1139 0.04023 79 71 7 1
5909 I feel like everything around me is melting! 1.1139 0.04408 79 72 5 2
5910 I'm feeling that I've gone a bit soft in the head. 1.1139 0.04023 79 71 7 1
5911 My inner child can’t be silenced 1.1139 0.03597 79 70 9 0
5912 I've been getting a lot of brain freeze lately..." 1.1139 0.04023 79 71 7 1
5913 You try thinking positive when your car's AC is dead, and summer's almost here. 1.1139 0.03597 79 70 9 0
5914 I do find it hard to focus with a constant ice cream headache. 1.1139 0.03597 79 70 9 0
5915 I can’t afford to have a meltdown right now 1.1139 0.04023 79 71 7 1
5916 She told me she 'loved ice cream,' but then I caught her ordering the tiramisu for dessert. 1.1139 0.04023 79 71 7 1
5917 I’m just sick of it always being Sunday. 1.1139 0.04023 79 71 7 1
5918 Every time I have to make a presentation, I just freeze. 1.1139 0.04408 79 72 5 2
5919 I just have these thoughts swirling in my head. 1.1139 0.03597 79 70 9 0
5920 It’s not that I hate the sun—but… 1.1139 0.04023 79 71 7 1
5921 My friends say they all get brain freeze, but this just seems like more than that. 1.1139 0.04023 79 71 7 1
5922 We could have same height, but not for same size of couch 1.1139 0.03597 79 70 9 0
5923 I had this horrible dream last night that my girlfriend cheated on me with some guy named Gelato. 1.1139 0.03597 79 70 9 0
5924 And they all laughed at me when she said, “I think I know what’s causing your headaches.” 1.1139 0.04023 79 71 7 1
5925 I can’t concentrate. It’s like I have perpetual brain freeze. 1.1139 0.03597 79 70 9 0
5926 Forget chocolate and peanut butter, the real twist is that, deep down, I AM a softee! 1.1139 0.04023 79 71 7 1
5927 Everyone sees me as Mr. Softee. 1.1139 0.03597 79 70 9 0
5928 I keep sprinkling ideas to my wife but she has a hard shell. 1.1136 0.04099 88 80 6 2
5929 If they cheat with you, they’ll on you. 1.1136 0.04099 88 80 6 2
5930 My wife is threatening to leave me. She’s says I’m just too vanilla” 1.1136 0.03403 88 78 10 0
5931 My mother always said I’m a bit soft in the head. 1.1136 0.04099 88 80 6 2
5932 Doc: I tried the hard outer shell but, inside I'm still Mr Softie! 1.1134 0.03553 97 87 9 1
5933 I can spend a lot of time trying make an impression or I can just turn up the thermostat 1.1129 0.04659 62 56 5 1
5934 As soon as I stop hitting those numbers, there's only one thing they'll all see me as. 1.1129 0.04659 62 56 5 1
5935 Everyone wants ice cream, but nobody needs ice cream. 1.1129 0.04659 62 56 5 1
5936 The thing is, I still eat Dairy but no longer identify as a Queen." Erica Weingast, New York Cit 1.1129 0.04659 62 56 5 1
5937 I feel like a drip whenever I'm around people. 1.1129 0.04659 62 56 5 1
5938 My mother keep telling me brain freeze was normal.. 1.1129 0.04659 62 56 5 1
5939 I feel so plain vanilla. 1.1129 0.04052 62 55 7 0
5940 YOU ! Want chocolate locks. I think we need to switch chairs. 1.1129 0.04659 62 56 5 1
5941 Am I soft in the head or does that the space between the drapes almost exactly match the shape of that tall leaf on your houseplant? 1.1129 0.04659 62 56 5 1
5942 …And just like that, my porn career was over 1.1129 0.04659 62 56 5 1
5943 Everyone always calls me a softie, but I'd like to think I've got a hard shell. 1.1127 0.03779 71 63 8 0
5944 Look, the one thing I can’t afford right now, is a meltdown. 1.1127 0.04279 71 64 6 1
5945 It all started when I was Milk, Sugar, Cream, Corn Syrup, Natural Flavor, Mono And Diglycerides, Cellulose Gum, Guar Gum, Carrageenan, Vitamin A Palmitate. 1.1127 0.04726 71 65 4 2
5946 ´Sometimes l feel like it’s swril’ 1.1127 0.03779 71 63 8 0
5947 They always mix another flavor in with me--I can't be myself anymore. 1.1127 0.03779 71 63 8 0
5948 31 flavours. I don’t know who the real me is doc. 1.1127 0.03779 71 63 8 0
5949 I am fine with the metaphor. I just wish my head did not hurt. 1.1127 0.03779 71 63 8 0
5950 Lately I’ve just been feeling a bit cold and twisty towards others. 1.1127 0.04279 71 64 6 1
5951 People only like me for what I give, not for me. 1.1127 0.03779 71 63 8 0
5952 It's Tom who's soft in the head. Not me! 1.1127 0.03779 71 63 8 0
5953 I was supposed to be Dr. Softee! 1.1127 0.04279 71 64 6 1
5954 So, Doc, please, can I finally have that prescription for Viagara?" Ivor Hanson, Scarsdale, New Yor 1.1127 0.04279 71 64 6 1
5955 A Softy has narry a chance with a Dairy Queen. 1.1127 0.03779 71 63 8 0
5956 I know it's not mine because gluten-free does not run in either of our families. 1.1127 0.04279 71 64 6 1
5957 There’s really not much reason to go on with these sessions. I know when I’m licked. 1.1127 0.04279 71 64 6 1
5958 Things are forever swirling around my mind, Doc. 1.1127 0.03779 71 63 8 0
5959 Rationally, I understand why people prefer sprinkles, but it hurts. 1.1127 0.03779 71 63 8 0
5960 You see, my parents were always very cold towards me. 1.1127 0.03779 71 63 8 0
5961 I just keep having meltdowns." 1.1127 0.04279 71 64 6 1
5962 I just can’t seem to set boundaries. 1.1127 0.04279 71 64 6 1
5963 My head is always cold. 1.1127 0.03779 71 63 8 0
5964 People say unsavory things about my head. 1.1127 0.03779 71 63 8 0
5965 I used to watch SNL a lot…. 1.1127 0.03779 71 63 8 0
5966 How would you feel with a permanently frozen turd on your head? 1.1127 0.04279 71 64 6 1
5967 I can't shake this feeling that I'm headed for a hard landing! 1.1127 0.03779 71 63 8 0
5968 ...and 'You're just too dippy.' I get that a lot. 1.1127 0.03779 71 63 8 0
5969 Some say we're the best therapy. But we need therapy, too, sometimes. 1.1127 0.04726 71 65 4 2
5970 Of course I'm depressed. Losing all my sprinkles is that the first sign of male pattern blandness. 1.1127 0.04279 71 64 6 1
5971 If you can help me get the music out of my head then maybe it will go away. A. Armbrust 1.1127 0.04726 71 65 4 2
5972 I’m tired of being their whippy boy. 1.1127 0.04279 71 64 6 1
5973 It seems like my body isn't really mine. It's ackward, clumsy, and hot. 1.1127 0.04279 71 64 6 1
5974 I'm just not myself during the summer. 1.1127 0.03779 71 63 8 0
5975 I just feel my life dripping away. 1.1127 0.03779 71 63 8 0
5976 I'm afraid if I don't remain emotionally cold, I'll have a meltdown. 1.1127 0.03779 71 63 8 0
5977 When adults call me by my name,it somehow feels less innocent. 1.1127 0.03779 71 63 8 0
5978 It's just hard to deal with people's intolerance. 1.1127 0.04279 71 64 6 1
5979 Yes, doctor. Last week I saw the world desperate for a drink. 1.1127 0.04279 71 64 6 1
5980 I feel that if I go out in the sun I'm going to have a meltdown. 1.1127 0.03779 71 63 8 0
5981 Sometimes I think I’m nothing more than ice cream, but maybe it’s all in my head. 1.1127 0.04726 71 65 4 2
5982 But it feels like they’re screaming AT me. 1.1127 0.04279 71 64 6 1
5983 They say I keep a cool head, but inside I'm a seething volcano. 1.1127 0.03779 71 63 8 0
5984 Those kids just started rushing toward me and I kept trying to run. One kid had a container with sprinkles. I was so scared doc... 1.1127 0.03779 71 63 8 0
5985 To be honest with you doctor, I don't know if I'll ever be able to recover the trauma I have to endure during the heat I felt for a while" 1.1127 0.03779 71 63 8 0
5986 My mind's been twisted as long as I can remember. 1.1127 0.03779 71 63 8 0
5987 I thought I’d be running my own creamery by now, but I still barely manage a truck. 1.1127 0.04726 71 65 4 2
5988 Earth is burning, but still every one wants me away 1.1127 0.03779 71 63 8 0
5989 That's the issue with you, you melt for everyone 1.1127 0.03779 71 63 8 0
5990 We all go through a period of rocky road. 1.1127 0.03779 71 63 8 0
5991 People just don't see I'm a softee on the inside, too 1.1127 0.03779 71 63 8 0
5992 Indulge in a Scoop of Sanity: Ice Cream Therapy, the Tastiest Path to Mental Wellness! 1.1127 0.03779 71 63 8 0
5993 I just can't believe she left me for a sorbet... 1.1127 0.04279 71 64 6 1
5994 The therapist fantasizes about soft serve. 1.1127 0.03779 71 63 8 0
5995 No one wants me when summer’s over 1.1125 0.03975 80 72 7 1
5996 As a teen, guys teased me with 'Look at Mr. Softie!' and then my copyright suit against the film 'Coneheads' was thrown out of court, and now all I meet are lactate intolerant women. 1.1125 0.04355 80 73 5 2
5997 It just that for the life of me, I can’t remember how that tune goes. 1.1125 0.03975 80 72 7 1
5998 For some reason, I scream every time I see ice cream... 1.1125 0.03975 80 72 7 1
5999 Every time a relationship starts to get hot, I get soft and she leaves me. 1.1125 0.03975 80 72 7 1
6000 I've gotten soft. 1.1125 0.03975 80 72 7 1
6001 I know I'm a Dairy Queen, but I'm NOT homosexual! 1.1125 0.04355 80 73 5 2
6002 Well, Doc, I wasn’t depressed at all until I became lactose intolerant” Jeffrey Manly Toronto, On 1.1125 0.04355 80 73 5 2
6003 People just don't listen to me Doc. I've told my hairdresser at least 50 times I don't want sprinkles. 1.1125 0.03975 80 72 7 1
6004 My mother thinks brain-freeze IS a psychological problem. 1.1125 0.03975 80 72 7 1
6005 Sometimes I feel that I'll never measure up to my brother, Dr. Softee. 1.1125 0.03555 80 71 9 0
6006 Why do I identify so much more with "Freeze" than "Tastee"? 1.1125 0.03975 80 72 7 1
6007 It's just, you know you might lose all of your hair one day... but then you actually do. 1.1125 0.04355 80 73 5 2
6008 ...So doctor, I believe my constant anxiety is driven by my compulsive need to know exactly when cooler heads are going to prevail. 1.1125 0.03975 80 72 7 1
6009 Ever since she’s gone vegan she goes straight for the hard stuff 1.1125 0.03975 80 72 7 1
6010 It’s becoming increasingly hard to keep my head cool in this climate 1.1125 0.03555 80 71 9 0
6011 And that was the first time I had a swirly 1.1125 0.04355 80 73 5 2
6012 Brain 🧠 freeze 🥶 1.1125 0.03975 80 72 7 1
6013 Just because you’re soft on the outside, doesn’t mean you’re not strong on the inside. 1.1125 0.03555 80 71 9 0
6014 they say I'm a softy, doc, but I'm so tired of melting down so quickly! 1.1125 0.03975 80 72 7 1
6015 And the truth is, sometimes I want to be Mr. Nobody 1.1125 0.03975 80 72 7 1
6016 It all started when I saw a man suckin’ on a chili dog. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
6017 I have an inferiority complex. I feel everyone wants to take a lick at me. 1.1111 0.04648 81 75 3 3
6018 I can't stop these cold thoughts from swirling around in my head, Doc. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
6019 …and also, I keep having this reoccurring dream that my mother’s head is a giant ice cream cone. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
6020 Every time I talk to her my brain just freezes up 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
6021 It's always, " I want Mr. Softee ! " It's NEVER, " How's Mr. Softee ? " 1.1111 0.03991 63 56 7 0
6022 It’s been swirling around my head for quite some time. 1.1111 0.04303 81 74 5 2
6023 People laugh and ask me if I'm from France. 1.1111 0.03928 81 73 7 1
6024 I’m not like the coneheads of SNL, but everyone wants to put us in the same bucket. 1.1111 0.05116 63 58 3 2
6025 I always feel chilled. 1.1111 0.04588 63 57 5 1
6026 I have always been a hard-ass. Why do people call me Mr. Softie? 1.1111 0.03928 81 73 7 1
6027 As the eerie music started to play, it would only be a matter of seconds before the manic screaming and that awful chant: 'Mr. Softee! Mr. Softee!'' 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
6028 I remember the old CONEHEAD comedies, but didnt believe them, til this. 1.1111 0.03991 63 56 7 0
6029 Ok,Doc,tell me the honest truth - and no sprinkles added. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
6030 Doc, with this healthy food fad, I feel like I've been frozen out! 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
6031 I don't know Doc, the missus wants me to be less vanilla... 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
6032 I keep having these awful headaches, Doc. 1.1111 0.03928 81 73 7 1
6033 I know vanilla is OK, but I identify as chocolate. 1.1111 0.05064 72 67 2 3
6034 In my dream, this guy licks me and says, 'Soft and sweet is just like hard and spicy.' Do I have penis envy? 1.1111 0.03514 81 72 9 0
6035 My parents taught me to always keep a cool head, but I'm really getting licked. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
6036 Chill-out." That's all ANYONE ever says to me, the second I start to melt down. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
6037 I just feel like melting into the ground. 1.1111 0.03991 63 56 7 0
6038 After all I have done, they still call me 'hot-head'. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
6039 Every time I get close to someone, all they do it bite my head off. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
6040 I know it's crazy, but I want to lick everything and when I do I get a headache. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
6041 My brother is a hard packed kind of guy and he thinks I am a real softie. 1.1111 0.03991 63 56 7 0
6042 Sometimes, Doc, I don't give a lick. 1.1111 0.03991 63 56 7 0
6043 The stark realization that there is no King of the Dairy. 1.1111 0.04303 81 74 5 2
6044 I'm melting, I'm melting! 1.1111 0.03514 81 72 9 0
6045 I always thought “brain freeze “ was a myth. 1.1111 0.03928 81 73 7 1
6046 I heard about freeze brain but never took it seriously! 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
6047 I GUESS I'VE ALWAYS BEEN A PLAIN-VANILLA KINDA GUY! 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
6048 I'm concerned my thoughts have been a bit twisted lately. 1.1111 0.03514 81 72 9 0
6049 Help me Doc, I can never keep the curl! 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
6050 I can never make any head way. I feel like I'm frozen in time. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
6051 Just relax and let your troubles melt away. 1.1111 0.03991 63 56 7 0
6052 I’ve been having nightmares about moving to Florida again… 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
6053 I had a dream that people were coming at me from all directions with little spoons saying I just want a taste. What do you think that means? 1.1111 0.03991 63 56 7 0
6054 It started when I was a kid. My nickname was Dull Whip. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
6055 I think you came to the wrong doctor for your brain freeze. 1.1111 0.03928 81 73 7 1
6056 I fear I've gone too soft! 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
6057 Pass the tissues, I'm having a meltdown. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
6058 Ice cream, it’s all I think about. It’s all I care about. Please help me. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
6059 I'm tired of life..fix me... 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
6060 It’s silent chuckle during Viagra commercials that makes me feel small. 1.1111 0.04303 81 74 5 2
6061 Everyone tells me they want to clean me up. 1.1111 0.03331 90 80 10 0
6062 She said I had a soft serve. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
6063 Everyone just assumes my pronouns. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
6064 I had a total melt down last summer! 1.1111 0.03514 81 72 9 0
6065 Doc, I think I am suffering from paranoia. When I meet someone I think they want to byte my head off. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
6066 We had to ban John Mellencamp from ordering chili dogs. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
6067 Some days I feel like my head is just going to melt! 1.1111 0.05064 72 67 2 3
6068 I'm just tired of being me, Doc. Yes, everyone likes frozen yogurt, and that's great. But no one loves you. 1.1111 0.04303 81 74 5 2
6069 I hated disappointing my mother,but I just didn't think I was made of the right stuff to be a brain surgeon. 1.1111 0.04588 63 57 5 1
6070 For reasons never explained to me, my parents changed their last name from 'Cone' to 'Cohen.' 1.1111 0.04588 63 57 5 1
6071 It started when my parents got a hairless dog. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
6072 It’s performance anxiety, 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
6073 The thoughts just keep swirling in my head. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
6074 Tell me more about feeling assaulted by jimmies 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
6075 Inflation…global warming…I’m worried I’m about to have a total melt down! 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
6076 I don’t tell anyone, but sometimes I don’t mind it when they lick me 1.1111 0.04588 63 57 5 1
6077 To scream, or not to scream… ice cream. 1.1111 0.03928 81 73 7 1
6078 Well Doc, no one seems to appreciate my shapeshifting humor ... 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
6079 I tried to spice things up, but when it comes right down to it, I'm just vanilla. 1.1111 0.03991 63 56 7 0
6080 Sometimes it’s all just too much of an icecream headache.. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
6081 I also don't think that it helps that my name is Van Illa. 1.1111 0.03991 63 56 7 0
6082 Like I told her, it's my name Doc, it refers only to my name, nothing more. 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
6083 Only child, orphan. Sometimes when the ice cream machine breaks it's personal. 1.1111 0.05116 63 58 3 2
6084 It’s like I have a ‘brain freeze’ all the time, Doctor. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
6085 I didn’t think it was bad to have the Mr Softee jingle play when she walked down the aisle but when it did play she became a runaway bride 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
6086 Doctor, I think it all goes back to the brain freeze I experienced in my childhood”. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
6087 I'm done with dating apps. They're always disappointed when they notice my height and my size. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
6088 The kids called me ‘soft serve’ in school, and it has a way of sticking, ya know? 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
6089 I feel like I’m going out of season 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
6090 and it feels like my head is freezing 1.1111 0.05711 54 50 2 2
6091 Direct sunlight puts my thought patterns in a whirl. 1.1099 0.03969 91 83 6 2
6092 How would you feel if you were the poster child for ED? 1.1099 0.03969 91 83 6 2
6093 I believe the term you’re after is #brainfreeze. 🧠🍦 1.1099 0.03297 91 81 10 0
6094 I'm tired of being vanilla in an artisanal craft flavor world. 1.1098 0.03473 82 73 9 0
6095 It just hurts when they call me "Mister Softee" 1.1098 0.03473 82 73 9 0
6096 I'm living in constant fear of global warming. 1.1098 0.04253 82 75 5 2
6097 My brother is a banana split and I know Mom always loved him best." 1.1098 0.04253 82 75 5 2
6098 The brain freeze is almost unbearable. 1.1098 0.03883 82 74 7 1
6099 I can accept seasonal, but why venti? 1.1098 0.03883 82 74 7 1
6100 I have reoccurring dreams of soft serve ice cream 1.1098 0.03883 82 74 7 1
6101 I can’t get that infernal tune out of my head. It’s driving me crazy! 1.1098 0.03473 82 73 9 0
6102 I guess I'm just not able to look people in the eye. 1.1098 0.04253 82 75 5 2
6103 I used to be identical to my cousins from Saturday Night Live, but this wrinkle cream just doesn't work anymore. 1.1098 0.03883 82 74 7 1
6104 It’s not lost on me that I’m a therapist and that we have these sessions on Sundays. 1.1096 0.03681 73 65 8 0
6105 I don't understand why I should be so anxious about a trip to Ecuador. 1.1096 0.03681 73 65 8 0
6106 It's not the global warming per se, but the ensuing baldness I'm worried about! 1.1096 0.03681 73 65 8 0
6107 I've always thought of myself as cool, and I was simply devastated when she called me softheaded. 1.1096 0.03681 73 65 8 0
6108 I can't seem to find the chocolate syrup! 1.1096 0.04997 73 68 2 3
6109 I'm such a softie, everybody licks me! 1.1096 0.03681 73 65 8 0
6110 I keep telling myself cooler heads will prevail 1.1096 0.03681 73 65 8 0
6111 She told me she's lactose intolerant. I feel so humiliated! 1.1096 0.03681 73 65 8 0
6112 Well, the soft serve slurs started at Wimbledon...then meltdown. 1.1096 0.03681 73 65 8 0
6113 I scream, you scream, but nobody screams for Me. 1.1096 0.04166 73 66 6 1
6114 It's my own fault. I never knew what I had in Häagen, doctor, till she met Dazs. And now it's too late! 1.1096 0.04166 73 66 6 1
6115 I'm upset Biden has appropriated my persona. 1.1096 0.03681 73 65 8 0
6116 Doc, Every night I dream about climate change 1.1096 0.03681 73 65 8 0
6117 I can't cope with the constant brain freeze. 1.1096 0.03681 73 65 8 0
6118 Maybe you’re right, doc; maybe thinking that people are staring at me and salivating is just all in my head. 1.1096 0.03681 73 65 8 0
6119 I don’t know, Doc. Sometimes I think “brain freeze” is named after me. 1.1096 0.03681 73 65 8 0
6120 The only emperor is the Emperor of Ice Cream. Doctor, if that's not true my name ain't His Majesty Wally Stevens II. 1.1096 0.04166 73 66 6 1
6121 Being referred to as 'soft' is causing angst. 1.1096 0.03681 73 65 8 0
6122 Dr. Scott,why am I having chilling thoughts and my feet feel frozen to the bone? 1.1096 0.03681 73 65 8 0
6123 I've been giving all those nice people freeze brain for all these years; do you know how that makes me feel? 1.1096 0.04600 73 67 4 2
6124 She used kiss me and call me "and old softie." But then she left me for a younger and harder man. 1.1096 0.04600 73 67 4 2
6125 You don't know what it's like living with brain freeze day in and day out! 1.1096 0.03681 73 65 8 0
6126 Doc, I'm still torn between Jimmies and Sprinkles... 1.1096 0.03681 73 65 8 0
6127 The heat is on at work, the heat is on at home, but all I can think about is my head. 1.1096 0.04600 73 67 4 2
6128 Just because I'm vanilla doesn't mean I can't be fun. 1.1096 0.04166 73 66 6 1
6129 As the eldest son in the Softee family, I guess it all started when my parents named me Richard. 1.1096 0.04166 73 66 6 1
6130 I keep telling them my name is Bob, not "Curly." 1.1096 0.04166 73 66 6 1
6131 Doctor, I just don’t get why people ask me if I want sprinkles on top. 1.1096 0.04166 73 66 6 1
6132 I have a brain freeze problem. Any suggestions? 1.1096 0.04600 73 67 4 2
6133 I'm so tired of everyone screaming! 1.1096 0.03681 73 65 8 0
6134 I'm afraid I'm losing my mind over global warming. 1.1096 0.04166 73 66 6 1
6135 Mister Softee,” they call me! Why not “Mister Cool,” or “Mister Smooth,” instead 1.1096 0.04166 73 66 6 1
6136 I screamed too much. 1.1096 0.04166 73 66 6 1
6137 I just can't escape this feeling of chronic brain freeze. 1.1096 0.04166 73 66 6 1
6138 I’m thinking of getting a chocolate shell. What flavor is yours? 1.1096 0.03681 73 65 8 0
6139 "I went to the ER for my "chronic brain freeze" and was chased out of town by the lactose intolerant activists." 1.1096 0.04166 73 66 6 1
6140 If anything, life has presented me with too many choices. 1.1096 0.04166 73 66 6 1
6141 When were you first called a shithead? 1.1096 0.04166 73 66 6 1
6142 ‘Yes it’s beginning to feel like cold feet’ 1.1096 0.04166 73 66 6 1
6143 So many tongues…just tongues. Not even a hello or smile… 1.1096 0.03681 73 65 8 0
6144 I've felt it difficult to keep my head cool lately. 1.1096 0.03681 73 65 8 0
6145 My father said I was a Mundae 1.1096 0.03681 73 65 8 0
6146 And do you know what they called me? Soft serve!" 1.1094 0.04519 64 58 5 1
6147 I cannot stop obsessing about global warming. 1.1094 0.04519 64 58 5 1
6148 Actually, I can understand your fear of moving to a warmer climate. 1.1094 0.03932 64 57 7 0
6149 I've tried to tell them, just as you suggested, but most people still don't think it's ice cream. 1.1094 0.03932 64 57 7 0
6150 They all say I'm a drip... 1.1094 0.03932 64 57 7 0
6151 I thought being a conehead would get me on SNL. 1.1094 0.03932 64 57 7 0
6152 I know I always wished to be an Ice-Cream man, but this isn't what I had in mind! 1.1094 0.03932 64 57 7 0
6153 It's when I discovered my girlfriend was lactose intolerant that bitterness set in! 1.1094 0.04519 64 58 5 1
6154 People tell me my head looks like an ice cream cone, I just don't get it. 1.1094 0.04519 64 58 5 1
6155 Mister Softee is not exactly a chick magnet with online dating. 1.1094 0.05038 64 59 3 2
6156 At least the slow drip into my stomach keeps me nourished. 1.1094 0.03932 64 57 7 0
6157 And then I look in the mirror. And my head is covered in chocolate. 1.1094 0.04519 64 58 5 1
6158 It’s not my fault I’m always Mr. Softee! 🍦 1.1094 0.04519 64 58 5 1
6159 Im just saying, you leave me in August, so why shouldn’t I leave from October to May? 1.1094 0.03932 64 57 7 0
6160 I always thought I was a human with a cone-shaped head, but since I’m afraid the sun, hate my reflection, and don’t go well with garlic, I might actually be a vampire. 1.1094 0.03932 64 57 7 0
6161 I keep having nightmares about the machine being broken. What does it mean?" 1.1091 0.04242 55 49 6 0
6162 I've been feeling Lite heaaded. 1.1091 0.04242 55 49 6 0
6163 My mother thinks I can do better than a cone. 1.1087 0.03610 92 83 8 1
6164 It all started when they said I was too soft for the high school football team. 1.1087 0.03610 92 83 8 1
6165 My wife says it's just not the same anymore 1.1084 0.03434 83 74 9 0
6166 I used to have a wonderful time bringing people smiles, but now I keep getting cold stares and icy shoulders. How can I get a fair shake? 1.1084 0.03434 83 74 9 0
6167 All I hear is Mr. Potatohead this, Mr. Potatohead that. No wonder I'm depressed. 1.1084 0.03838 83 75 7 1
6168 I just can’t keep a cool head when she calls me vanilla. 1.1084 0.03838 83 75 7 1
6169 I'm soft-headed and hard-assed. 1.1084 0.03838 83 75 7 1
6170 When your dad is literal frosty freeze, it makes for a chilly upbringing. 1.1084 0.04203 83 76 5 2
6171 You don’t understand, doc. That’s not ice cream, it’s ice jizz! 1.1084 0.03838 83 75 7 1
6172 Doc, when I asked for a conehead I assumed you had seen SNL. 1.1084 0.04203 83 76 5 2
6173 My kids think I’m a failure —I never got a chocolate dip! 1.1084 0.04203 83 76 5 2
6174 I tell you the children all ganged up on me when I announced I wouldn't be back until next summer. 1.1084 0.03434 83 74 9 0
6175 My seasonal affect disorder is kicking in... 1.1084 0.03838 83 75 7 1
6176 But doctor, I am Mr. Tastee 1.1084 0.03838 83 75 7 1
6177 patients with hair make me feel good about myself 1.1084 0.03838 83 75 7 1
6178 my head is always in a twist 1.1084 0.03838 83 75 7 1
6179 Have you tried Viagra? 1.1081 0.04112 74 67 6 1
6180 I guess at heart I'm just an old softee. 1.1081 0.03634 74 66 8 0
6181 They keep calling me names like Mr. Frosty or Carvel Head. 1.1081 0.03634 74 66 8 0
6182 No, it's not as simple as that. It doesn't just twist off." 1.1081 0.03634 74 66 8 0
6183 I had a nightmare that I was being dipped in chocolate. 1.1081 0.04112 74 67 6 1
6184 She kept calling me "Mister Softee" , so I thought looking the same would change things.................. 1.1081 0.04540 74 68 4 2
6185 Awake at last 1.1081 0.04112 74 67 6 1
6186 I want to be a porn star but no one will hire me. 1.1081 0.04112 74 67 6 1
6187 It's hard to talk about my feelings. It's my instinct to freeze up. 1.1081 0.04112 74 67 6 1
6188 Do you feel that you have a sweet tooth? 1.1081 0.04112 74 67 6 1
6189 I don't know, doc, I keep getting these episodes of brain freeze. 1.1081 0.04112 74 67 6 1
6190 I don’t understand why everyone thinks I’m a “softie”. 1.1081 0.04112 74 67 6 1
6191 I just want people to 'like' me not; oh God, I can't take it any more. 1.1081 0.04112 74 67 6 1
6192 I just don't know if I'm ready to try the chocolate sprinkles thing in bed yet. 1.1081 0.03634 74 66 8 0
6193 The other reporters always get the scoop on me 1.1081 0.03634 74 66 8 0
6194 I mean way back in the ‘90s, being called a Cone Head might have been a compliment. 1.1081 0.04112 74 67 6 1
6195 I've always wanted to be a cone head. 1.1081 0.03634 74 66 8 0
6196 It’s like,I have this constant brain freeze. 1.1081 0.03634 74 66 8 0
6197 I think getting swirlies in my youth softened me. 1.1081 0.04112 74 67 6 1
6198 I have meltdowns on nice sunny days. 1.1081 0.04540 74 68 4 2
6199 No ice cream in the past makes my 'I scream' last. 1.1081 0.04112 74 67 6 1
6200 The problem is I no longer give a lick. 1.1081 0.03634 74 66 8 0
6201 And what is your Favourite Flavour? 1.1081 0.03634 74 66 8 0
6202 I may seem a little cold, Doc, but at the end of the day, I’m just a big Softee. 1.1081 0.03634 74 66 8 0
6203 ... and Jerry doesn't like me either. 1.1081 0.04112 74 67 6 1
6204 And they said that I'm boring. 1.1081 0.03634 74 66 8 0
6205 Whenever my girlfriend puts on some hot lingerie - I melt. 1.1081 0.04540 74 68 4 2
6206 You just don't know how hard it is to be a vanilla male in today's society. 1.1081 0.04112 74 67 6 1
6207 Its so hard to decide, do I want to go on SNL as a cone head, or be a spokesman for Dairy Queen 1.1081 0.04112 74 67 6 1
6208 I have this crazy paranoia that people are always thinking about eating me. 1.1081 0.04112 74 67 6 1
6209 My mother always said "you are what you eat" but I didn't know those midnight raids to the freezer would do permanent damage! 1.1081 0.03634 74 66 8 0
6210 I’m so tired, doc. When it comes right down to it, I just feel licked! 1.1081 0.03634 74 66 8 0
6211 I’m just tired of people calling me soft 1.1081 0.04540 74 68 4 2
6212 I wear many hats, Doc- but this is the only one that sticks- now scream therapy is quart ordered 1.1081 0.03634 74 66 8 0
6213 Half of the time, I’m just McBroken. 1.1081 0.04112 74 67 6 1
6214 I’m boring and my friends are so much more cosmopolitan. 1.1077 0.03875 65 58 7 0
6215 I may be soft in the head. What do you think? 1.1077 0.03875 65 58 7 0
6216 I scream. And then they scream. We all scream for ice cream. 1.1077 0.03875 65 58 7 0
6217 I keep hearing voices screaming, “Dairy fat! Sugar!” 1.1077 0.03875 65 58 7 0
6218 I keep telling myself that I am NOT soft and cold.. 1.1077 0.04963 65 60 3 2
6219 My melt down began when she called me vanilla. 1.1077 0.03875 65 58 7 0
6220 I feel as though I have brain freeze. 1.1077 0.04452 65 59 5 1
6221 I'm not delusional, Dr. It's not mere ice cream, it's gelato! 1.1077 0.03875 65 58 7 0
6222 I just can't get that damned jingle out of my head! 1.1077 0.04452 65 59 5 1
6223 I have nightmares of being dunked head-first into molten chocolate. 1.1077 0.04452 65 59 5 1
6224 I'm trying to get out of the vanilla lifestyle. 1.1077 0.03875 65 58 7 0
6225 Is there a cure for being a Mister Softee? 1.1077 0.04452 65 59 5 1
6226 Doc, my meltdowns are causing me exorbitant cleaning bills. 1.1077 0.03875 65 58 7 0
6227 Yes, but my inner self is dairy intolerant. Louise Jane Ryan, Portage, Michigan 1.1077 0.04452 65 59 5 1
6228 I’m just so tired of everyone calling me a softee. 1.1077 0.03875 65 58 7 0
6229 So Mr. Softie,are you having another meltdown over Ben and Jerry at the school yard? 1.1077 0.03875 65 58 7 0
6230 I’m in constant fear of meltdown. For most of the year no one wants to know me then everyone’s out to devour me. I don’t know where to churn… 1.1077 0.03875 65 58 7 0
6231 I thought a swirly was a hair style. 1.1077 0.03875 65 58 7 0
6232 Ya see, doc it’s somethin’ even Viagra can’t fix. 1.1077 0.03875 65 58 7 0
6233 I’m not sure what my real self looks like anymore, Doctor 1.1077 0.03875 65 58 7 0
6234 Doc- I think I have brain freeze? 1.1077 0.03875 65 58 7 0
6235 Doc, why do I feel like a conehead? 1.1071 0.04155 84 77 5 2
6236 I fear that I'm loved only for my hair. 1.1071 0.04155 84 77 5 2
6237 I know I am cool but I just can't choose between maple walnut and strawberry 1.1071 0.03395 84 75 9 0
6238 Doc, I am so confused. I can’t decide between cup or cone. 1.1071 0.03794 84 76 7 1
6239 They said I would get rid of my sprinkles with ‘a lick and a prayer!’ 1.1071 0.04155 84 77 5 2
6240 Cooler heads prevail, Doc, but what about frozen heads? 1.1071 0.04155 84 77 5 2
6241 I won't be able to lick this problem unless I keep a cool head. 1.1071 0.03794 84 76 7 1
6242 They won't stop asking: is it real or coconut? 1.1071 0.03395 84 75 9 0
6243 I just can’t seem to get over my anxiety about the hot weather coming. 1.1071 0.03794 84 76 7 1
6244 « ..and, as a news reporter, I serve up only hard facts.” 1.1071 0.03794 84 76 7 1
6245 Women find me too vanilla and very soft. 1.1071 0.04155 84 77 5 2
6246 Maybe I am as broke as the machines 1.1071 0.03794 84 76 7 1
6247 I don’t know why…I just freeze up during sex. 1.1071 0.03395 84 75 9 0
6248 I take a licking but can't keep ticking 1.1067 0.04060 75 68 6 1
6249 The name throws people off--I'm actually quite pissed off most of the time." 1.1067 0.04060 75 68 6 1
6250 I’m having trouble in the bedroom.” 1.1067 0.03588 75 67 8 0
6251 Why do I feel so licked all the time? 1.1067 0.03588 75 67 8 0
6252 Why does everyone call me Ben and Jerry? 1.1067 0.04482 75 69 4 2
6253 So we're at game, set, and match point, and I get penalized for my hard serve. 1.1067 0.04060 75 68 6 1
6254 I've been loosing my head lately when it comes to ice cream. 1.1067 0.04060 75 68 6 1
6255 ....and it doesn't help that my initials are E.D. 1.1067 0.03588 75 67 8 0
6256 I don't know what's worse, the "kick me" or "lick me" signs people put on my back. 1.1067 0.04060 75 68 6 1
6257 I'm thinking of getting sprinkles just so I don't feel so vanilla. 1.1067 0.03588 75 67 8 0
6258 I really can't explain it - I'm just feeling whipped lately. 1.1067 0.03588 75 67 8 0
6259 I don't know, I guess I'm just an old softy . 1.1067 0.04482 75 69 4 2
6260 I thought it was cool to be a softy. 1.1067 0.03588 75 67 8 0
6261 People so offhandedly talk about “head freeze”… 1.1067 0.03588 75 67 8 0
6262 My fear of traveling to Florida is no longer an existential threat... 1.1067 0.03588 75 67 8 0
6263 I'm sick of hearing how I give some folks painful headaches. 1.1067 0.03588 75 67 8 0
6264 Am I missing something, or is there more to the conehead insult? 1.1067 0.04060 75 68 6 1
6265 In all my dreams there's a light rain and it's dark; I think they're sprinkles. 1.1067 0.03588 75 67 8 0
6266 How do you think I felt when SNL stole my identity, and did so with those pathetic geometric “cones”? 1.1067 0.03588 75 67 8 0
6267 No matter what changes I make to my career, I always seem to have the Sundae blues. 1.1067 0.03588 75 67 8 0
6268 Doctor, I feel so angry. Maybe, I am having a midlife meltdown. 1.1067 0.04060 75 68 6 1
6269 I always feel stirred,not shaken. 1.1067 0.03588 75 67 8 0
6270 I always have so many thoughts swirling around in my head. 1.1067 0.03588 75 67 8 0
6271 I worry that vanilla ages me. 1.1067 0.04060 75 68 6 1
6272 i just feel like the world keeps flipping me upside down 1.1067 0.03588 75 67 8 0
6273 I'm still getting brain freezes but the amoeba is now round. 1.1067 0.04060 75 68 6 1
6274 And the carpet matches the drapes. 1.1067 0.04060 75 68 6 1
6275 Contrary to the saying, they don't 'all scream for me'. 1.1061 0.03819 66 59 7 0
6276 So, tell me. When did you realize that your head was an ice cream cone? 1.1061 0.03819 66 59 7 0
6277 My life seems to be in a in a swirl and I'm just too soft to handle it! 1.1061 0.04387 66 60 5 1
6278 Everyone I know gets brain freezes when they eat ice cream too fast,except me. 1.1061 0.03819 66 59 7 0
6279 I’m tired of being called a Conehead. 1.1061 0.04387 66 60 5 1
6280 Please help me! Brain freeze is ruining my life! 1.1061 0.03819 66 59 7 0
6281 I might be the CEO of my company but I ‘ll always be Mr. Softy. 1.1061 0.03819 66 59 7 0
6282 Everyone thinks I'm so vanilla, but I have my twists. 1.1061 0.03819 66 59 7 0
6283 I know it's all in my head, but I feel everyone is looking at me. 1.1061 0.04387 66 60 5 1
6284 Primal Scream Therapy? I just can't risk that kind of meltdown. 1.1061 0.03819 66 59 7 0
6285 ... and I can't get this song out of my head ... 1.1061 0.03819 66 59 7 0
6286 With all the stress of moving to Phoenix, I'm worried about having a meltdown. 1.1061 0.04387 66 60 5 1
6287 So I have this fear of frozen things 1.1061 0.03819 66 59 7 0
6288 It used to be a cold shoulder, now this! 1.1061 0.04387 66 60 5 1
6289 My wife likes my new style but I can’t get over the brain freeze aspect. 1.1061 0.04387 66 60 5 1
6290 Why does everyone want to lick me? 1.1061 0.04387 66 60 5 1
6291 I can deal with the permanent brain freeze, but my name is Kevin!, Kevin! not KELVIN! 1.1061 0.04387 66 60 5 1
6292 I just keep getting these terrible brain-freezes! 1.1061 0.04890 66 61 3 2
6293 I like being liked but not licked. 1.1061 0.04890 66 61 3 2
6294 I have to admit I am a little obsessed by the threat of higher than normal summer heat. 1.1061 0.04387 66 60 5 1
6295 I may have over-committed to being sweet. 1.1061 0.03819 66 59 7 0
6296 People take advantage when your name is Mister Softee. 1.1061 0.04387 66 60 5 1
6297 For me, every day is like a zombie horror movie... 1.1061 0.03819 66 59 7 0
6298 People say I scream too much. 1.1061 0.04890 66 61 3 2
6299 And that’s when I said, yea soft serve! And they all laughed…I don’t get it?! 1.1061 0.03819 66 59 7 0
6300 I get brain freeze all the time now 1.1061 0.03819 66 59 7 0
6301 I mean, how am I supposed to practice confrontation, doc? I’m MR softie… 1.1061 0.04387 66 60 5 1
6302 Everybody loves Summer 1.1061 0.03819 66 59 7 0
6303 Why do all the girls want icy hard pack, Doc? Don’t they know a sensitive soft serve gets the job done too? 1.1061 0.03819 66 59 7 0
6304 Is brain freeze supposed to be chronic? 1.1061 0.03819 66 59 7 0
6305 Of course I feel inferior…I’m frozen yogurt. 1.1061 0.04890 66 61 3 2
6306 My wife thinks I'm too Softee. 1.1059 0.03357 85 76 9 0
6307 My heart feels so cold... 1.1059 0.03751 85 77 7 1
6308 If 'soft' is not weak, why can't I take the heat? 1.1059 0.04108 85 78 5 2
6309 When she left me, it hardened my heart. I'm just not the man I used to be. 1.1059 0.03751 85 77 7 1
6310 poop 1.1053 0.03544 76 68 8 0
6311 Maybe you're right -- these ice cream headaches are all in my head. 1.1053 0.03544 76 68 8 0
6312 Everyone says that I am too much of a softy! 1.1053 0.03544 76 68 8 0
6313 If cooler heads prevail, how do I stop sweating lactose? 1.1053 0.03544 76 68 8 0
6314 My friends from France are shunning me. 1.1053 0.04424 76 70 4 2
6315 I ate an ice cream cone every day of my life. Then, this happened. 1.1053 0.04805 57 52 4 1
6316 ‘People just expect me to be soft and sweet all of the time.’ 1.1053 0.03544 76 68 8 0
6317 The sugar craving hits when I bend over to tie my shoes. And you think it's because of my mother? 1.1053 0.03544 76 68 8 0
6318 She says I give her the cold treatment. 1.1053 0.04805 57 52 4 1
6319 Why can everyone get brain freeze except me? 1.1053 0.03544 76 68 8 0
6320 I don't understand why everyone wants to lick my head. 1.1053 0.03544 76 68 8 0
6321 You try to have a romantic life when everywhere you go you're followed by drooling children. 1.1053 0.04008 76 69 6 1
6322 I wanted to be a burger brand mascot but I just didn’t have the head for it. 1.1053 0.04008 76 69 6 1
6323 Doc- I don’t know why I’m having this constant brain freeze…. 1.1053 0.03544 76 68 8 0
6324 What troubles me is that I have no desire to lick it. 1.1053 0.03544 76 68 8 0
6325 I just want them to know I’m a Tastee-Freez. 1.1053 0.03544 76 68 8 0
6326 I just freeze when comes to lick me. 1.1053 0.03544 76 68 8 0
6327 This is the story of my life, what I really wanted was a banana split sundae with a cherry on top. 1.1053 0.03544 76 68 8 0
6328 Without sprinkles it's hard to keep my cool 1.1053 0.04424 76 70 4 2
6329 She told me I'm too vanilla for her taste 1.1053 0.03544 76 68 8 0
6330 I think it’s because my mom always told me I was vanilla. 1.1053 0.04008 76 69 6 1
6331 You're right Doc, I think it was my father who first called me a hothead. 1.1053 0.03544 76 68 8 0
6332 The thing I worry about most, Doc, is a complete melt down. 1.1053 0.04008 76 69 6 1
6333 I feel so empty whenever we all scream for ice cream. 1.1053 0.03544 76 68 8 0
6334 I know it has been almost 46 years, Doc, but I still can't get past being rejected by SNL. 1.1053 0.04008 76 69 6 1
6335 My head is swirling having discovered I'm plant-based. 1.1053 0.04424 76 70 4 2
6336 I just feel like a Flake inside. #iykyk 1.1053 0.03544 76 68 8 0
6337 It’s a stabbing pain, doctor. Almost like my brain is frozen. 1.1053 0.03544 76 68 8 0
6338 I just feel so limited, doc.- there must be more to life than just chocolate and vanilla. 1.1053 0.04805 57 52 4 1
6339 Pumpkin spiced latte rubs my face in it every year 1.1053 0.04008 76 69 6 1
6340 That sun-shaped rug is drip. That’s not a compliment in this case. 1.1053 0.03544 76 68 8 0
6341 I keep having this recurring dream that the ice cream machine breaks down mid serve… 1.1053 0.04008 76 69 6 1
6342 You’d think I’d be used to it by now, but every time a date says to me “Now I know why you’re called Mr. Softee” it does affect my self esteem. 1.1047 0.03709 86 78 7 1
6343 I don’t know doc! Sometimes, I am so overwhelmed that I feel like my brain is just freezing ! 1.1047 0.03709 86 78 7 1
6344 My family are hard-hearted, but I’m a softee 1.1047 0.03709 86 78 7 1
6345 But I’ve always been considered a hothead. 1.1047 0.03320 86 77 9 0
6346 People keep telling me I need to be tougher, but what can I do? I was born a softy. 1.1045 0.04324 67 61 5 1
6347 I’m afraid to go out in the sun. 1.1045 0.03765 67 60 7 0
6348 Everyone asks if I am from Beldar. 1.1045 0.04324 67 61 5 1
6349 I always thought "brain freeze" was just a myth 1.1045 0.04324 67 61 5 1
6350 I didn't think it was funny on 'Saturday Night Live,' and I don't think it's funny when people say it today. 1.1045 0.04324 67 61 5 1
6351 Unfortunately, the first thing that comes to mind is brain freeze. 1.1045 0.03765 67 60 7 0
6352 I’ve tried Viagra, but I’m still soft. 1.1045 0.03765 67 60 7 0
6353 I keep seeing a Mr. Peanuts guy wherever I go. 1.1045 0.04324 67 61 5 1
6354 Can't get over being called soft serve on my honeymoon. 1.1045 0.04324 67 61 5 1
6355 There I was...enjoying my ice cream... when all of a sudden - brain freeze!" 1.1045 0.04324 67 61 5 1
6356 Doctor, I can't understand why my career as a corporate raider is stagnating. 1.1045 0.04324 67 61 5 1
6357 My wife thinks I am too self-serving...But I feel like I just need to be served. 1.1045 0.04324 67 61 5 1
6358 What’s really upsetting, my wife insists on going South this winter. 1.1045 0.03765 67 60 7 0
6359 Well the problem is you're a softee 1.1045 0.04324 67 61 5 1
6360 The pressure of keeping cool makes me melt more. 1.1045 0.03765 67 60 7 0
6361 What is this "conehead" they call me? 1.1045 0.04324 67 61 5 1
6362 People keep calling me conehead. 1.1045 0.03765 67 60 7 0
6363 As your therapist, I believe that you suffer from brain freeze. 1.1045 0.03765 67 60 7 0
6364 I get that I'm stubborn, but when she calls me 'hard-headed' it just hits a nerve, you know? 1.1045 0.03765 67 60 7 0
6365 It is depressing. People keep asking me if I am down on my lick or if I am soft in the head. 1.1045 0.03765 67 60 7 0
6366 Now that it's fall nobody chases after me. 1.1045 0.04819 67 62 3 2
6367 I get so tired of everybody's tongues. 1.1045 0.04324 67 61 5 1
6368 ‘’The soft in the head jokes are really starting to wear on me” 1.1045 0.03765 67 60 7 0
6369 Sometimes my mind just freezes, doc. 1.1045 0.03765 67 60 7 0
6370 So you think my inner child is finally coming out? 1.1045 0.04324 67 61 5 1
6371 Is Tongue in the room with us right now? 1.1045 0.03765 67 60 7 0
6372 Hey Doc, why does everyone think I can't play hardball"? 1.1045 0.03765 67 60 7 0
6373 ''You'll never understand how differently I'm treated because of how my head looks'' 1.1045 0.04324 67 61 5 1
6374 So wait, I really am soft 1.1045 0.03765 67 60 7 0
6375 ‘Quiet? More emotional?’… sure you have my problem pegged, Doc? 1.1045 0.04324 67 61 5 1
6376 It's just that I'm ready for my next chapter but I have no idea what that could be. 1.1045 0.04324 67 61 5 1
6377 It feels like lately I just can’t stop my thoughts from spiraling… 1.1045 0.03765 67 60 7 0
6378 My wife says I read too much Kafka. 1.1045 0.04324 67 61 5 1
6379 Some days I feel like I'm melting. 1.1045 0.03765 67 60 7 0
6380 I'm in a constant state of brain freeze. 1.1039 0.04369 77 71 4 2
6381 Do people ever pay to lick your head? 1.1039 0.03500 77 69 8 0
6382 Pineapple mozzarella, chicken bacon ranch crunch, fish 'n' chips olive oil cake--these new flavors got my head aswirl, doc 1.1039 0.03500 77 69 8 0
6383 Oh Doc, everybody is just so lactose-intolerant these days! 1.1039 0.04369 77 71 4 2
6384 My dream job? To be Chocolate dipped, of course! 1.1039 0.03500 77 69 8 0
6385 I am a cone head. When should I stop screaming for help? 1.1039 0.03500 77 69 8 0
6386 When did your obsession with Mr. Softy start? 1.1039 0.03958 77 70 6 1
6387 It's just not like the good days when I was a vanilla-chocolate swirl... 1.1039 0.03958 77 70 6 1
6388 Even after all our sessions, people still think I'm soft in the head... 1.1039 0.03500 77 69 8 0
6389 yeah… ur burnt…pretty bad… 1.1039 0.03500 77 69 8 0
6390 She said she's willing to get her hands dirty but I worry my meltdowns are just too much. 1.1039 0.03958 77 70 6 1
6391 They keep asking me if I'm a whisle. 1.1039 0.03500 77 69 8 0
6392 ‘ “She said I was too soft and lacked taste.” 1.1039 0.03500 77 69 8 0
6393 I just keep hearing the Mr Softeee song over and over in my head 1.1039 0.03500 77 69 8 0
6394 Doc, I keep hearing jingling bells and hordes of kids attacking me. 1.1039 0.03958 77 70 6 1
6395 My wife has been very supportive, but she’s becoming increasingly frustrated. 1.1039 0.04369 77 71 4 2
6396 I thought I had my problem licked, doc. 1.1039 0.03958 77 70 6 1
6397 Sure, I know they mean well, but all that screaming… 1.1039 0.03958 77 70 6 1
6398 Doc,sometimes I get brain freeze and I don't know why. 1.1039 0.03500 77 69 8 0
6399 That’s the problem. I’ve kept a cool head my entire life. 1.1039 0.03500 77 69 8 0
6400 It was always ‘Hey, Conehead! Hey, Mr. Softee!’ You can’t imagine the teasing. But I was never licked. 1.1039 0.03958 77 70 6 1
6401 It's that creepy carnival music earworm again 1.1039 0.03958 77 70 6 1
6402 I always felt it was my mother’s personality disorder that drove my father to drink. 1.1039 0.03958 77 70 6 1
6403 She ran off with this dude Banana Split, can not even blame her. 1.1039 0.04369 77 71 4 2
6404 She said I'm too cold, doc. What does that even mean? 1.1039 0.03500 77 69 8 0
6405 It’s hard I admit but you’ve got to scoop it together. 1.1039 0.03958 77 70 6 1
6406 My dad grew up in a waffle cone, my mom in a blender… I don’t even know, sometimes I just wish I was fro-yo 1.1039 0.03500 77 69 8 0
6407 I don't think I can make it through Spring Meltdown 1.1034 0.03284 87 78 9 0
6408 It happened once - once - but no one's ever going to let me forget it! 1.1034 0.04725 58 53 4 1
6409 And then this huge bird flew over. 1.1034 0.03668 87 79 7 1
6410 I used to watch a lot of old SNL shows. 1.1034 0.03284 87 78 9 0
6411 And then strawberry pumpkin spice said I was too old and boring to be running for flavor of the month! 1.1034 0.04725 58 53 4 1
6412 I just don't understand how I can be so hard-headed... 1.1034 0.04034 58 52 6 0
6413 I was so hungry doc, I had no other choice out there 1.1029 0.04263 68 62 5 1
6414 Ironically, I have no problem gettin an erection. 1.1029 0.04263 68 62 5 1
6415 Okay. I’ll stop, collaborate, and listen. 1.1029 0.03713 68 61 7 0
6416 To be strictly honest, doc, I have been eating quite a few vanilla swirls 1.1029 0.03713 68 61 7 0
6417 Cream always rises. 1.1029 0.03713 68 61 7 0
6418 And then he says, what are you? Soft in the head? 1.1029 0.03713 68 61 7 0
6419 If those dessert influencers find out “Mister Softee” is going to court-ordered anger management therapy, I’m through! 1.1029 0.03713 68 61 7 0
6420 I read online that you like to take mushrooms before you see patients, is that true? 1.1029 0.04263 68 62 5 1
6421 I was popular with the Ladies..Children, even the dogs liked me.. when I worked the Mr. Tastee truck.. is this regression doctor,,??.. 1.1029 0.03713 68 61 7 0
6422 The pattern's the same.. I meet them as kids, and they can't wait to show me off to their friends.. Then a few years go by, and they start acting like they're embarrassed to be seen with me like it's my fault they put on a few extra pounds. 1.1029 0.04750 68 63 3 2
6423 I did find I had more good times with the cherry on top. 1.1029 0.04263 68 62 5 1
6424 My headaches come on suddenly. 1.1029 0.03713 68 61 7 0
6425 I guess I'm just too much of a softee. 1.1029 0.03713 68 61 7 0
6426 They all tell me I'm too soft for the courtroom, but it's always been my dream to serve under this conestitution. 1.1029 0.04263 68 62 5 1
6427 Pretty heady I know,but I don’t think I am really a narcissist ? 1.1029 0.04263 68 62 5 1
6428 I thought things were fine until we went to the seashore one sunny day and she told me I was a drip. 1.1029 0.04263 68 62 5 1
6429 My mother warned me 1.1029 0.04263 68 62 5 1
6430 So.... what's on your mind? 1.1029 0.03713 68 61 7 0
6431 The problem started when I switched from Mr. Softee to Carvel. 1.1029 0.04263 68 62 5 1
6432 Well, I guess it started when I met the Hardee's star... 1.1029 0.04263 68 62 5 1
6433 Can't you sympathize? That ice cream truck jingle is driving me crazy. Am I protected by psychiatrist/client privilege here if I tell you what I really want to do to Mr Softie? 1.1029 0.04750 68 63 3 2
6434 It’s sweet at the beginning. Then at the end, they either throw me out or just drop me. 1.1029 0.04263 68 62 5 1
6435 Everyone one says I am too sweet 1.1029 0.04263 68 62 5 1
6436 Doc,I know brain freeze isn’t in the DSM, but can’t you do something for me? 1.1029 0.03713 68 61 7 0
6437 Sometimes I feel so plain , like a Vanilla person. 1.1029 0.04263 68 62 5 1
6438 Every time I get in the game I get licked. 1.1029 0.04263 68 62 5 1
6439 I don’t know…sometimes it feels like I can’t hear the music anymore. 1.1029 0.04263 68 62 5 1
6440 It's painful when women call me Mr. Softee. 1.1029 0.03713 68 61 7 0
6441 I've lost my cherry! 1.1029 0.04263 68 62 5 1
6442 So you think my headaches are psychosomatic? 1.1029 0.04750 68 63 3 2
6443 Mister, I think you've gone soft. 1.1029 0.03713 68 61 7 0
6444 You look so good with blonde hair and black roots it’s like not even funny.” #romyandmichell 1.1029 0.04750 68 63 3 2
6445 Tell me more about RB and your attempt to set boundaries 1.1029 0.03713 68 61 7 0
6446 But, is 'brain freeze' really a thing? 1.1026 0.03457 78 70 8 0
6447 How does that make me feel? Doc, I tell them that I’m not just a cone head! I’m more than that. 1.1026 0.04314 78 72 4 2
6448 Mr Softee 1.1026 0.03457 78 70 8 0
6449 Ice cream headaches are the worst! 1.1026 0.03457 78 70 8 0
6450 And . . . and . . . and all the other frozen desserts kept screaming,"You're soft"! 1.1026 0.03457 78 70 8 0
6451 Where is Franz Kafka when you need him? 1.1026 0.03909 78 71 6 1
6452 Every time I hear a bell, I have a panic attack. 1.1026 0.03909 78 71 6 1
6453 So how’s the ice sitting?” “Very icey, I must say 1.1026 0.03457 78 70 8 0
6454 It's so depressing that the Coneheads movie isn't about me. 1.1026 0.03457 78 70 8 0
6455 No, just like the real coneheads on TV! 1.1026 0.03457 78 70 8 0
6456 I can’t understand it doc, it’s like I constantly have brain freeze 1.1026 0.03457 78 70 8 0
6457 Her focus is different than mine. 1.1026 0.03457 78 70 8 0
6458 She says gelato,and I say soft serve. 1.1026 0.03457 78 70 8 0
6459 She left me for a French man doc. 1.1026 0.03909 78 71 6 1
6460 My wife thinks brain freeze is psychosomatic. 1.1026 0.03909 78 71 6 1
6461 My mind’s just been in a swirl lately 1.1026 0.03909 78 71 6 1
6462 I just get so whipped up. 1.1026 0.03457 78 70 8 0
6463 I just don’t understand why she always feels guilty after seeing me 1.1026 0.03457 78 70 8 0
6464 Ice cream headaches are just par for the course, I guess. 1.1026 0.03457 78 70 8 0
6465 The other kids always taunted me they could lick me at sports. 1.1023 0.03249 88 79 9 0
6466 Hard to really say what’s on my mind. Everything is just kind of swirling around up there. 1.1023 0.03249 88 79 9 0
6467 Interesting dreams last night Not sure if chocolate, vanilla or combo. 1.1023 0.03628 88 80 7 1
6468 I guess I just took things a little too far… but what would one not do for true love? 1.1023 0.03249 88 79 9 0
6469 In my dreams, I scream ‘I’m a softie but don’t leave me, hun!!!’ And then she walks out… what am I to do, doctor? Help! 1.1020 0.03399 98 89 8 1
6470 Everyone seems against me, even the sun. 1.1017 0.04647 59 54 4 1
6471 All I want is to find happiness with the woman of my dreams, but my name Mr. Softee is not making it easy. 1.1017 0.04647 59 54 4 1
6472 I am always on the verge of a meltdown. 1.1017 0.04647 59 54 4 1
6473 I don’t even get why I’m here, I just came in for a head-cold 1.1017 0.03969 59 53 6 0
6474 Work is so mundane, it’s like I only exist for Sundaes. 1.1017 0.03969 59 53 6 0
6475 Is this scooper in the room with us now? 1.1014 0.04203 69 63 5 1
6476 I may look good, but mentally, I'm just soft serve torn up over toppings." 1.1014 0.03661 69 62 7 0
6477 It's just my mother's taunting voice, repeating over and over in my head: 'Soft Serve! Soft Serve!' 1.1014 0.04203 69 63 5 1
6478 The worst part is when people tell me, 'I love your costume -- Happy Halloween!' When it's July, I don't know what to say. 1.1014 0.03661 69 62 7 0
6479 I think I should break up with her. She likes beach vacations. 1.1014 0.04203 69 63 5 1
6480 I know I have anger problems. When I angry, I scream! 1.1014 0.04203 69 63 5 1
6481 My dog and my kids want to lick me to death, while my wife complains of a brain freeze whenever we kiss. 1.1014 0.04203 69 63 5 1
6482 Everyone just wants a taste of my mind. 1.1014 0.04203 69 63 5 1
6483 I keep being licked by strangers. 1.1014 0.03661 69 62 7 0
6484 She says I’m cold even when I’m trying to be cute. 1.1014 0.04203 69 63 5 1
6485 Doc, I think I'm having a meltdown. 1.1014 0.03661 69 62 7 0
6486 Recently the Mr. Softee persona has become more applicable to my carnal endeavors. 1.1014 0.04203 69 63 5 1
6487 I have nightmares that people are eating me. 1.1014 0.03661 69 62 7 0
6488 It all started when we were set up on a blind date and she suggested we go out for ice cream. 1.1014 0.03661 69 62 7 0
6489 …and she's constantly telling me, 'You're soft and you give me headaches.' 1.1014 0.03661 69 62 7 0
6490 The "Softee" surname is bad enough. But when your first name is "Ed", there's no end to a date's laughter. 1.1014 0.04683 69 64 3 2
6491 It’s taxing trying to always be America’s freshest ice cream. 1.1014 0.04203 69 63 5 1
6492 It's weird. I keep getting brain freeze. 1.1014 0.03661 69 62 7 0
6493 The constant chill in demoralizing me ! 1.1014 0.03661 69 62 7 0
6494 I have a recurring dream of my father trying to eat me. 1.1014 0.03661 69 62 7 0
6495 Doc, how would you feel if you have been called Softie all of your life? 1.1014 0.04203 69 63 5 1
6496 No. It has nothing to do with that. 1.1014 0.03661 69 62 7 0
6497 So what is the clinical term for "soft in the head?" 1.1014 0.03661 69 62 7 0
6498 She dumped me for a smoothie talker 1.1014 0.03661 69 62 7 0
6499 all you need is to get cool headed again 1.1014 0.04203 69 63 5 1
6500 What's in the mug, doc? I think you're part of the problem too. It's that time of year everyone ignores me and adores a PSL instead. 1.1014 0.03661 69 62 7 0
6501 I just wish they didn’t think I was so soft 1.1014 0.03661 69 62 7 0
6502 I can help with the brain freeze, but probably not the meltdown 1.1014 0.04203 69 63 5 1
6503 Can I put my head in the carpet doctor ? 1.1014 0.03661 69 62 7 0
6504 I have this reoccurring dream about Edvard Munch… 1.1014 0.04203 69 63 5 1
6505 I’m always classified as a dessert. No-one asks me how I want to be defined. I know I can be a sandwich. 1.1014 0.04683 69 64 3 2
6506 She said I’m just too Vanilla for her, and it’s not the first time I’ve been told this 1.1014 0.04203 69 63 5 1
6507 Sometimes I can’t even gather my own thoughts. It’s as if my brain freezes. 1.1014 0.04203 69 63 5 1
6508 So I'm not my father's Conehead. 1.1013 0.03416 79 71 8 0
6509 Why can't they judge me by soft heart, instead of my soft head? 1.1013 0.03862 79 72 6 1
6510 I feel like I'm living in a cone of silence. 1.1013 0.03862 79 72 6 1
6511 You can see for yourself, Doc, it wasn’t a meltdown. 1.1013 0.03862 79 72 6 1
6512 You just have to face reality: “I scream, you scream, we all scream for icecream.” 1.1013 0.04261 79 73 4 2
6513 I was working on a hard reset, but got this soft landing instead. 1.1013 0.03416 79 71 8 0
6514 He-he-he-he-he....was eating ice cream and smiling...and she-she-she-she-she...was eating ice cream and smiling. 1.1013 0.03862 79 72 6 1
6515 I'm running as fast as I can, but they're everywhere... big tongues, little tongues, I can't seem to escape 1.1013 0.03862 79 72 6 1
6516 I am really good with chocolate and vanilla. I just can’t handle pumpkin spice. Edith Birdsall, Houston, Texas 1.1013 0.03862 79 72 6 1
6517 It sort of feels like brain freeze 1.1013 0.03862 79 72 6 1
6518 I'm really not a cold person once you get to know me. 1.1013 0.03862 79 72 6 1
6519 My tennis partner always criticizes how hard I hit the ball. And he knows how that phrase upsets me. 1.1013 0.03862 79 72 6 1
6520 Doc, am I soft? 1.1013 0.03862 79 72 6 1
6521 The thing is, everyone always thinks that I'm a softy. 1.1013 0.03862 79 72 6 1
6522 I guess I'm just soft hearted. 1.1011 0.03589 89 81 7 1
6523 I think we have a major intimacy problem. Every time we start kissing she says she has a headache. 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
6524 I don't think I'm obsessive, I've got more at stake from climate change than most people. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
6525 Ice cream truck Mr. Softee has an end of Summer therapy session. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
6526 Doc, I keep hearing this same "tingly" song going 'round in my head 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
6527 My mother was a Conehead. He managed a Carvel store. I was a one night stand. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
6528 I keep experiencing these terrible brain freezes! 1.1000 0.03375 80 72 8 0
6529 Brain freeze is perfectly normal at times like this 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
6530 Hollywood...stardom...all the foam went to my head. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
6531 I am really worried about winter. 1.1000 0.03906 60 54 6 0
6532 …it wasn’t how I had planned to lose my cherry but I was so whipped. 1.1000 0.03375 80 72 8 0
6533 They told me I was the cream of the crop! 1.1000 0.03906 60 54 6 0
6534 Oh Doc, my head is swirling! 1.1000 0.03906 60 54 6 0
6535 I thought a cool head would prevail but I got whipped up into a freezy and then I just blew my toppings. 1.1000 0.04210 80 74 4 2
6536 I am so depressed because my life is so, how shall I put it, ... vanilla!! 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
6537 How would YOU like to known as Soft Serve? 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
6538 Whenever I step out under the sun I have a major meltdown. 1.1000 0.03375 80 72 8 0
6539 I didn't mean to hurt anyone, Doctor. It was the music, interminable, repetitive, ... Pop goes the Weasel, spiraling, SPIRALING ... 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
6540 have you noticed most revolutionaries have come from upper middle class backgrounds? 1.1000 0.03815 80 73 6 1
6541 First I thought it was the curl on top, but then maybe I'm making to much of things. 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
6542 I keep dreaming that I can’t flip my bizzard. 1.1000 0.03906 60 54 6 0
6543 Does it really matter how many e’s are in Creemee? 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
6544 I've lost hope of ever finding that cherry on top. 1.1000 0.03906 60 54 6 0
6545 I worry I lack tose qualities that would make me a better ice cream. 1.1000 0.03815 80 73 6 1
6546 Doc, I’m mixed up, my head is swirling, and everyone can see it.” 1.1000 0.03906 60 54 6 0
6547 Sometimes I think it’s all in my head. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
6548 ... and she told me, "You're just so boring! I want more flavor in my life." 1.1000 0.04572 60 55 4 1
6549 My erectile dysfunction is getting worse. I’m thinking of changing my name. And that song that’s always playing. It just destroys the mood in the bedroom. 1.1000 0.03887 90 83 5 2
6550 I just knew I had to do something to get her to notice me; this hat seemed like a safe option, no? 1.1000 0.03815 80 73 6 1
6551 All the sprinkle has gone out of my life. 1.1000 0.03375 80 72 8 0
6552 I feel much less anxiety since I found a hat to fit my head….. 1.1000 0.03906 60 54 6 0
6553 I keep having these thoughts swirling through my mind. 1.1000 0.03375 80 72 8 0
6554 But Doctor… I am Mister Softee 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
6555 I'm taking that blue pill, but they still call me Mr. Softee! 1.1000 0.03815 80 73 6 1
6556 I just wish people were less transfoodic. 1.1000 0.04572 60 55 4 1
6557 If I have to listen to one more person complain about their ‘brain freeze’ 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
6558 I’ve whipped myself up into a right state Dr.” “It won’t be the first time I’m floored by an eggs-essential crisis 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
6559 I think you’re experiencing something we psychologist call brain freeze. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
6560 Am I overcompensating? 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
6561 Everything is just twisted in my head 1.1000 0.03906 60 54 6 0
6562 I have a hairdryer phobia 1.1000 0.03375 80 72 8 0
6563 Ahh. I forgot ohh. Affogato, that's it. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
6564 I do everything for her, but at the end of the day, she complained that I'm too soft. 1.1000 0.03906 60 54 6 0
6565 And I just can’t seem to shake this song. It’s driving me crazy. 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
6566 I am melting away in the mundaneness of life, sometimes I think have lost my frost for life 1.1000 0.03906 60 54 6 0
6567 It was supposed to be about how smooth and creamy my ice cream is, not, you know, the other thing. 1.0989 0.03845 91 84 5 2
6568 Having a name like Mr. Softee is hell on my love life. 1.0989 0.04151 91 85 3 3
6569 I've had such a hard time keeping my cool these last few months. 1.0989 0.03513 91 83 7 1
6570 I just can’t take people screaming at me anymore. 1.0988 0.03770 81 74 6 1
6571 I'm plagued by the fear my brain is melting. 1.0988 0.03770 81 74 6 1
6572 'I think I've always had Cone-dependency issues." 1.0988 0.03770 81 74 6 1
6573 When I look in the mirror — when I peer deep into this horrid visage of mine — ice cream. 1.0988 0.03770 81 74 6 1
6574 Every girl I meet jokes about my soft serve. 1.0986 0.03563 71 64 7 0
6575 Is it my neediness or the lactose that people can’t tolerate? 1.0986 0.03563 71 64 7 0
6576 You are not really a cone head, you just act like one. 1.0986 0.04089 71 65 5 1
6577 I wanted the "other" Cone Head, like on TV 1.0986 0.03563 71 64 7 0
6578 My response to even minor criticism is "Lick me!" 1.0986 0.04089 71 65 5 1
6579 I’ve been pretty lonely lately… everyone’s into boba now. 1.0986 0.04089 71 65 5 1
6580 I always considered myself a cooler head until my meltdown. 1.0986 0.03563 71 64 7 0
6581 These brain freezes are paralyzing. 1.0986 0.03563 71 64 7 0
6582 I just feel like I’ve gone soft, you know? 1.0986 0.04089 71 65 5 1
6583 I know you have an ice-cream-headed-man fetish, but sleeping with your patients is unethical. 1.0986 0.03563 71 64 7 0
6584 In today's day and age, you'd think my parents would be ok with my swirl relationship. 1.0986 0.03563 71 64 7 0
6585 My wife says its the sugars that are weighing me down. What ever it is, I just can't seem to lick it! No offence Doc, but with the money I spent on therapy, I could have opened up an Ice Cream Shop...sorry, its just a real rocky road right now! 1.0986 0.04089 71 65 5 1
6586 I am not going to lie, being called cone-head has hardened my chocolate shell, but that is for another session. 1.0986 0.03563 71 64 7 0
6587 I thought I had finally met my Dairy Queen,but things melted fast. 1.0986 0.03563 71 64 7 0
6588 I think I'm losing my mind. 1.0986 0.03563 71 64 7 0
6589 How come they never ask ME if I want my head dunked in a vat of melted chocolate?” 1.0986 0.04089 71 65 5 1
6590 So I tell her, ‘I don’t believe in witchcraft’ and my voodoo wife says, ‘Well you’re just an old softy’ 1.0986 0.04089 71 65 5 1
6591 I usually keep a cool head but, this hot summer is making me lose it! 1.0986 0.03563 71 64 7 0
6592 The rumor in the office is that I was hired for my cool and smooth creaminess and not my litigation skills. 1.0986 0.03563 71 64 7 0
6593 ``Lick, lick, lick. Turn the clocks back. No one knows my name.'' 1.0986 0.03563 71 64 7 0
6594 It's a constant brain freeze. 1.0986 0.04089 71 65 5 1
6595 My name is Bob not Soft Serve — and I don’t even like Soft Serve. 1.0986 0.03563 71 64 7 0
6596 Let me tell you how I feel about global warming. 1.0986 0.03563 71 64 7 0
6597 Call me an Old Softee, but I am a Vanilla and Chocolate Guy 1.0986 0.04089 71 65 5 1
6598 It’s more like a chronic deep seated fear of melting. 1.0986 0.03563 71 64 7 0
6599 They just want one lick, I see it in everybody's eyes. 1.0986 0.04089 71 65 5 1
6600 New York Ice Cream can’t hurt you here 1.0986 0.03563 71 64 7 0
6601 Do you think I’m becoming too soft? 1.0986 0.04089 71 65 5 1
6602 they are colorful and there’s hundreds and thousands of them doc…my thoughts are never black and white 1.0986 0.04089 71 65 5 1
6603 I just feel a fake without my flake. 1.0984 0.03845 61 55 6 0
6604 At work they think I'm just a softy. 1.0984 0.03845 61 55 6 0
6605 What am I going to do about these brain-freezes?! 1.0984 0.03845 61 55 6 0
6606 Sometimes, a head is just a head, Sig. 1.0984 0.05070 61 57 2 2
6607 Talk about an ice cream headache! 1.0984 0.04499 61 56 4 1
6608 Just once I wish someone wouldn't call me a softie. 1.0984 0.03845 61 55 6 0
6609 She said I was a dip. 1.0984 0.03845 61 55 6 0
6610 Cup or come? Cup or cone? I can’t get it out of my head! 1.0984 0.04499 61 56 4 1
6611 ‘You told me to visualize my dreams.” Mandy Wolman, Philadelphia, PA 1.0984 0.03845 61 55 6 0
6612 So what’s the big deal, that I’m into Sundaes. Right, Doc? 1.0984 0.04499 61 56 4 1
6613 Why do people call me cone head? 1.0984 0.03845 61 55 6 0
6614 They called in “summer of the cone”. Yet once again, I was left to melt all alone. 1.0984 0.04499 61 56 4 1
6615 Is it so wrong, Doc, that I crave soft ice cream whenever I see an amoeba? 1.0978 0.03477 92 84 7 1
6616 I’m so confused. I identify as both cake and sugar. 1.0976 0.03726 82 75 6 1
6617 I scream...er...I mean I see. And how does that make you feel? 1.0976 0.03726 82 75 6 1
6618 At times without fail, I'm going to get licked. 1.0976 0.03726 82 75 6 1
6619 I just feel like I’ve lost my sprinkle lately 1.0976 0.03297 82 74 8 0
6620 therapist: embrace your differences patient: but I have ice cream as my face 1.0976 0.03297 82 74 8 0
6621 All brains are lipids,so does this prove that I am what I eat? 1.0976 0.03297 82 74 8 0
6622 I may seem calm on the outside, but in my head ICESCREAM 1.0976 0.03297 82 74 8 0
6623 I’m just feeling kind of soft-headed 1.0976 0.03726 82 75 6 1
6624 then this random guy came up behind me, grabbed my face, and tried to lick my forehead 1.0972 0.03516 72 65 7 0
6625 I know she gave birth to me, but sometimes she just seems so cold and mechanical. She just shuts down. 1.0972 0.04034 72 66 5 1
6626 I guess it all started at tennis camp when the other kids kept calling me "Mr. Softserve" 1.0972 0.04034 72 66 5 1
6627 I’m tired of people saying I’m an old Softee. 1.0972 0.03516 72 65 7 0
6628 And I get these TERRIBLE headaches… 1.0972 0.04034 72 66 5 1
6629 I’ve tried everything, doc: the headaches just won’t stop. 1.0972 0.03516 72 65 7 0
6630 I live in fear that the bootlickers I hire won't stop there. 1.0972 0.03516 72 65 7 0
6631 Doctor, you’ve got to help me figure out what’s eating on me! 1.0972 0.04034 72 66 5 1
6632 Valedictorian of Carvel College and I still have all these problems! 1.0972 0.03516 72 65 7 0
6633 what if saturns rings are remnants of ancient alien satellites? 1.0972 0.03516 72 65 7 0
6634 Doctor, I think I'm having an existential crisis - I keep getting the feeling that someone's watching me. And I get a stronger feeling that they're going to eat me soon! 1.0972 0.04493 72 67 3 2
6635 I melt when they call me conehead. 1.0972 0.03516 72 65 7 0
6636 My mother still tries to put sprinkles on me. 1.0972 0.03516 72 65 7 0
6637 No one likes me for myself anymore. It’s always, sprinkles, nuts, caramel… 1.0972 0.03516 72 65 7 0
6638 She said she preferred strawberry. 1.0972 0.03516 72 65 7 0
6639 Doc,I think have a brain freeze -Lucia Armellino 1.0972 0.04034 72 66 5 1
6640 When exactly did these headaches begin?" 1.0972 0.03516 72 65 7 0
6641 The problem,Doc,is that I’m just an old Softee. 1.0972 0.04493 72 67 3 2
6642 She said I was too vanilla in bed. 1.0972 0.03516 72 65 7 0
6643 Yes, it is all about my parents Dan Aykroyd and Jane Curtin. 1.0972 0.04034 72 66 5 1
6644 I've got so much swirling around in my head, Doc. I just need an outlet for it all. 1.0972 0.03516 72 65 7 0
6645 I get no respect. Everyone thinks I a softy. 1.0972 0.03516 72 65 7 0
6646 So, when exactly did your meltdown begin? 1.0972 0.03516 72 65 7 0
6647 Everyone says I’m flaky and not as sweet as I could be. 1.0972 0.04034 72 66 5 1
6648 It all started when the bullies at school threatened to give me a lickin'. I tried to keep my head together but inside I was melting. 1.0972 0.03516 72 65 7 0
6649 I can't stop this swirling going on in my head. 1.0972 0.04493 72 67 3 2
6650 I know I’m no popsicle but I’m no softer than a sundae. 1.0972 0.04034 72 66 5 1
6651 And when she soft served me the divorce papers, my heart just froze. 1.0972 0.03516 72 65 7 0
6652 There's just too many thoughts swirling around in my head 1.0972 0.04034 72 66 5 1
6653 Then she said she was looking for more of a rocky road kind of guy. 1.0972 0.03516 72 65 7 0
6654 I feel like my thoughts are always put on ice. 1.0972 0.04034 72 66 5 1
6655 It’s always WHERE IS Mr. Softee, not HOW IS Mr. Softee… 1.0972 0.04034 72 66 5 1
6656 My friends still have all their chocolate on top but I can't get dipped. 1.0968 0.04429 62 57 4 1
6657 It's not easy being Mr. Softee 1.0968 0.04429 62 57 4 1
6658 Doc, you really think my problems stem from edible issues? 1.0968 0.03785 62 56 6 0
6659 It's not easy having all of my ex's call me Mister Softee. 1.0968 0.03785 62 56 6 0
6660 So far, doctor, I have been successful in turning America into a crappaloozo with Obama's help. And now look at my head. The plugs were no help. 1.0968 0.03785 62 56 6 0
6661 Well doc..I have these constant headaches. 1.0968 0.03785 62 56 6 0
6662 I have problems keeping a cold head 1.0968 0.03785 62 56 6 0
6663 I can’t resolve my conflict between being tasty and freezing. 1.0968 0.04429 62 57 4 1
6664 I'm in constant fear of being involuntarily dipped or being rendered irrelevant by a Blizzard 1.0968 0.04991 62 58 2 2
6665 I've tried to stand up but I''m just plain licked 1.0968 0.03441 93 85 7 1
6666 Cone heads are so yesterday 1.0968 0.03785 62 56 6 0
6667 The stress is giving me ice cream headaches. 1.0968 0.03785 62 56 6 0
6668 My mom always used to say I would turn into this if I ate too much ice cream! 1.0968 0.04429 62 57 4 1
6669 I don't get why I'm so cold to everyone 1.0968 0.03785 62 56 6 0
6670 Doctor,I think i having a melt down. 1.0968 0.04429 62 57 4 1
6671 I came home early and found my sweet cherry on top of the cake. My life is ruined. 1.0968 0.04991 62 58 2 2
6672 In these situations, it’s usually cooler heads that prevail….. 1.0968 0.03785 62 56 6 0
6673 I feel like it’s all about drones and nerve about cones 1.0968 0.04429 62 57 4 1
6674 Have you ever had to run when a song comes on!? 1.0968 0.03785 62 56 6 0
6675 Why can't people call me something else rather than Curly Top? 1.0964 0.03682 83 76 6 1
6676 The name Mr. Softee has given me a lot of trauma and fear I'm on the verge of a meltdown. 1.0964 0.03682 83 76 6 1
6677 Everyone calls me, "Soft Serve!" 1.0964 0.03259 83 75 8 0
6678 I don’t know doc, every time I wake up i scream 1.0964 0.04062 83 77 4 2
6679 I'm really not crazy about "The Dairy Queen" ... but I guess it's better than "Mr. Softie"! 1.0962 0.05668 52 49 1 2
6680 Our marriage has been fraught with long bouts of freezer burn and stale sprinkles. 1.0959 0.04433 73 68 3 2
6681 Sometimes, I feel like my ideas are just sprinkles on the surface. 1.0959 0.03981 73 67 5 1
6682 I don't know, doc. Every time I'm asked at work for my opinion, I get brain freeze. 1.0959 0.03470 73 66 7 0
6683 I like cheering up others, but it's eating me alive. 1.0959 0.03981 73 67 5 1
6684 It's the name calling that's most upsetting. 1.0959 0.03981 73 67 5 1
6685 Everyone calls me hard headed, but in my heart I'm all soft-serve. 1.0959 0.03470 73 66 7 0
6686 I can't shake the feeling that people want me to cross-dress. 1.0959 0.03470 73 66 7 0
6687 I hate being creamed. I'm just a softee! 1.0959 0.03470 73 66 7 0
6688 You think I have peanut envy? 1.0959 0.03981 73 67 5 1
6689 But Doctor, I think my girlfriend only loves me for my brain. 1.0959 0.03470 73 66 7 0
6690 Doc, they say you are what you eat, brain freeze turned me into a cone head! 1.0959 0.03981 73 67 5 1
6691 I loved the original Saturday Night Live, but when I told the genie I wished to be a real conehead, turned out he doesn't watch TV. 1.0959 0.03470 73 66 7 0
6692 Mmm...it was a meltdown, you say... 1.0959 0.03981 73 67 5 1
6693 Could it be you're not afraid of intimacy, but rather the heat it brings? 1.0959 0.03470 73 66 7 0
6694 You see doctor I’m supposed to be the Dairy Queen 1.0959 0.03470 73 66 7 0
6695 If I scream, then you scream, can we all scream for ice cream? 1.0959 0.03981 73 67 5 1
6696 I quit the mascot thing but I just can’t get that song out of my head! 1.0959 0.03981 73 67 5 1
6697 I'm depressed. Sundae's in the park with George. 1.0959 0.03470 73 66 7 0
6698 I don't know Doc, I'm usually a cool-headed person. 1.0959 0.03981 73 67 5 1
6699 She said I waffle too much. That's crazy, right? Actually, don't answer that... Unless you agree with me. 1.0959 0.03981 73 67 5 1
6700 But Doc, healing my inner child is gonna make me melt! 1.0959 0.03470 73 66 7 0
6701 I thought being 'Mister Softee' would help my sex life. 1.0959 0.03981 73 67 5 1
6702 I feel I have to live up to my image as a big softy. 1.0959 0.03981 73 67 5 1
6703 And ever since then, I haven’t been able to go near a freezer. 1.0959 0.03981 73 67 5 1
6704 Doc... I think it's a brain freeze.. 1.0959 0.03981 73 67 5 1
6705 I wish people saw *me*, not simply the seasonal treat 1.0959 0.03470 73 66 7 0
6706 I just wish people would stop trying to lick my head, you know? 1.0959 0.03470 73 66 7 0
6707 I don’t really feel like I have a purpose right now. 1.0959 0.03981 73 67 5 1
6708 And lemme tell ya doc, I’m starting to think that machine WAS working 1.0959 0.03981 73 67 5 1
6709 …. So HR said I can get sprinkles, but they have to be covered in the workplace 1.0959 0.03470 73 66 7 0
6710 It's my preternatural fear of melting. 1.0957 0.03405 94 86 7 1
6711 And I think it’s because of that nickname I’ve got this hard shell… 1.0952 0.03728 63 57 6 0
6712 It started in grade school when the other kids started saying:”hey, look at the weirdo from Remulak.” 1.0952 0.04361 63 58 4 1
6713 I don't think I would be able to help you, unless you allow me to unscrew the cap and see what's really inside. 1.0952 0.04361 63 58 4 1
6714 It feels like my body is taking ‘ You are what you eat’ a little too far.” Or “I’ve tried fight and flight, now all I want to do is freeze.” Or “I just had this random thought, Doc, does ice cream ever cross the blood-brain barrier? 1.0952 0.04361 63 58 4 1
6715 Everyone is screaming at me all the time. 1.0952 0.04361 63 58 4 1
6716 I'm the real Conehead, but no one believes me because of SNL appropriation of my being! 1.0952 0.03728 63 57 6 0
6717 Thank you, Mr. Softy. Now I would like to speak with Mr. Carvel. 1.0952 0.04361 63 58 4 1
6718 Laying down doesn't work for me... 1.0952 0.03728 63 57 6 0
6719 I FEEL LIKE I AM MELTING DOWN! 1.0952 0.04361 63 58 4 1
6720 I don't know why, but I keep on having a sense of impending doom whenever I think of global warming 1.0952 0.03728 63 57 6 0
6721 OK, Mr. Cone. Tell me about a time when you didn't identify yourself as a scoop of ice cream. 1.0952 0.03728 63 57 6 0
6722 I know my hair just gives me a likeness, but when it’s really hot outside I get anxious. 1.0952 0.03728 63 57 6 0
6723 are used palettes are in & of themselves works of art? 1.0952 0.03222 84 76 8 0
6724 Every night, it all comes back - the screams, the children... 1.0952 0.04361 63 58 4 1
6725 Another tough week testing sunbeds at the tanning salon… 1.0952 0.04913 63 59 2 2
6726 I had a melt down after my partner said I was too frigid. 1.0952 0.04361 63 58 4 1
6727 Clearly it was a dream, but I was thrown by how soft I screamed. 1.0952 0.04361 63 58 4 1
6728 ....Brain Freeze, you don't know from Brain Freeze 1.0952 0.04361 63 58 4 1
6729 And now my serve ain’t the only thing that’s soft. She’s gonna divorce me. 1.0952 0.04361 63 58 4 1
6730 I don’t know Doc, sometimes my mind just gets a little swirly. 1.0952 0.04361 63 58 4 1
6731 Sometimes I think my life is just getting too vanilla! 1.0952 0.04361 63 58 4 1
6732 But Doc, I never wanted to be a vanilla conehead; I always wanted to be chocolate, like my dad, ya know." 1.0946 0.03929 74 68 5 1
6733 I dream that everyone is buying sprinkles. 1.0946 0.03929 74 68 5 1
6734 Meltdowns are the story of my life 1.0946 0.03425 74 67 7 0
6735 Some days it feels as though the very center of me is melting away. 1.0946 0.03425 74 67 7 0
6736 In the dream I became a cockroach but this is even worse! 1.0946 0.03929 74 68 5 1
6737 I'm out there everyday getting licked. 1.0946 0.03425 74 67 7 0
6738 I can’t keep global warming out of my head 1.0946 0.03929 74 68 5 1
6739 I look so different from others in my conehead family that they say I’m not biologically related. 1.0946 0.03929 74 68 5 1
6740 I really do like salty snacks. I always have, and I always will. 1.0946 0.03425 74 67 7 0
6741 I just can't help feeling that there must be more to life than just colored sprinkles 1.0946 0.03425 74 67 7 0
6742 I just want someone to dip with me 1.0946 0.03425 74 67 7 0
6743 My mind says it's warming, but my head won't accept it. 1.0946 0.03929 74 68 5 1
6744 Dr., I feel dimmer and dimmer every day. 1.0946 0.03929 74 68 5 1
6745 I pulled in to the office park 14 minutes late and they started calling me "Mr. Flaccid". 1.0946 0.03929 74 68 5 1
6746 And then in the bedroom I had that same problem again! 1.0946 0.03425 74 67 7 0
6747 Another dude-bro asked if he could lick my hair today. 1.0946 0.03929 74 68 5 1
6748 No, not emotional detachment. It’s the constant licking. 1.0946 0.03425 74 67 7 0
6749 Brain freeze is a real mental health issue that can’t be fixed with head work. 1.0946 0.03425 74 67 7 0
6750 Doc , I am very concerned as my meltdowns are more frequent , severe & now , often , mind softening . 1.0946 0.03425 74 67 7 0
6751 I have to shake off this summer depression 1.0946 0.03929 74 68 5 1
6752 I've stopped spiraling, but now I'm just swirling. 1.0946 0.03425 74 67 7 0
6753 Sure, we’re all concerned about it, but global warming just hits me different. 1.0946 0.03929 74 68 5 1
6754 I’ve had this brain-freeze kinda headache for weeks now 1.0946 0.03929 74 68 5 1
6755 I feel 30 percent lighter. 1.0946 0.03425 74 67 7 0
6756 People think that I'm angry but it's just that I always have a headache. 1.0943 0.04867 53 49 3 1
6757 I know these are soft serve problems... 1.0938 0.03672 64 58 6 0
6758 Since the divorce, I have so many thoughts swirling in my head. 1.0938 0.04295 64 59 4 1
6759 The Peaky Blinders said I was a melter. 1.0938 0.03672 64 58 6 0
6760 For starters, in the summer months, my wife makes me sleep on a sheet of plastic in the basement… 1.0938 0.04295 64 59 4 1
6761 Lately, I've just been feeling like my head's in a swirl... 1.0938 0.03672 64 58 6 0
6762 It all started when I as a kid with rewards for good behavior! 1.0938 0.03672 64 58 6 0
6763 People look at me and lick their lips 1.0938 0.04295 64 59 4 1
6764 I have this recurring nightmare that I’m being chased by the President . 1.0938 0.03672 64 58 6 0
6765 I'm having a recurring that people keep licking the top of my head. 1.0938 0.03672 64 58 6 0
6766 I’m having problems with my professional identity; everyone still thinks of me as Mr. Softee and don’t recognize my MD. 1.0938 0.03672 64 58 6 0
6767 But a Conehead is so passé these days... 1.0938 0.04295 64 59 4 1
6768 And when I saw my child was a swirl I just lost it. 1.0938 0.04295 64 59 4 1
6769 I never have sex with my wife. She always says "Not tonight dear, I have an ice cream headache." Also, she calls me Mr. Softee. 1.0938 0.04295 64 59 4 1
6770 Worst of all, my friends all insist I lead a vanilla-privileged life. 1.0938 0.04295 64 59 4 1
6771 And then she said I was soft in the head. 1.0938 0.04295 64 59 4 1
6772 And everyone asks me for money ... 1.0938 0.03672 64 58 6 0
6773 So yes, the finial is smaller than the eclair, but the eclair feels larger. And again, doctor, what was the question? 1.0938 0.03672 64 58 6 0
6774 I’m supposed to be perfect. 1.0938 0.04295 64 59 4 1
6775 The licking maybe, but the slurping… 1.0938 0.04838 64 60 2 2
6776 Life is not softy anymore 1.0938 0.04838 64 60 2 2
6777 People see the suit, but really I’m just a softie… 1.0938 0.03672 64 58 6 0
6778 Remembering the trauma of that fateful winter still gives me brain freeze. 1.0938 0.03672 64 58 6 0
6779 When a problem comes along, I must whip it. 1.0933 0.03382 75 68 7 0
6780 If my problems are in my head, how am I ever going to lick them? 1.0933 0.03382 75 68 7 0
6781 This happened after I watched SNL’s skit on the Coneheads. I LOVED that family. 1.0933 0.03878 75 69 5 1
6782 So, tell me, how long have you been a conehead? 1.0933 0.03382 75 68 7 0
6783 At tryouts they said my serve was too soft. I think it’s just lactose intolerance. 1.0933 0.03382 75 68 7 0
6784 By the time it was my turn the chocolate dip was gone. 1.0933 0.03382 75 68 7 0
6785 When I was a kid, other kids at school would try to lick me constantly. I still have nightmares about it. 1.0933 0.03878 75 69 5 1
6786 With global warming, I just can't identify with the name Mr. Frosty. 1.0933 0.04318 75 70 3 2
6787 My wife says I'm cold, but deep down I'm soft-serve. 1.0933 0.03382 75 68 7 0
6788 He called me a hot-head 1.0933 0.03382 75 68 7 0
6789 My mind can't seem to stop spinning out of control. 1.0933 0.03878 75 69 5 1
6790 I’ve been having these dreams, doc—my mother’s naked and feeding me Oreo Blizzards 1.0933 0.03382 75 68 7 0
6791 So, I laughed and said to him if you cure my psoriasis I'd happily give him soft serve forever!...I think he may have actually been the devil. 1.0933 0.03878 75 69 5 1
6792 People just don’t take me seriously. They treat me as if I am a treat. 1.0933 0.03382 75 68 7 0
6793 I keep hearing Turkey in the Straw. 1.0933 0.03382 75 68 7 0
6794 It was a dark and stormy night... 1.0933 0.03382 75 68 7 0
6795 I did not want to be plain old vanilla. I wanted to be a different flavor. 1.0933 0.03382 75 68 7 0
6796 That's what I get for trying to keep a cool head. Well no more Mr. Ice Guy 1.0933 0.04318 75 70 3 2
6797 I feel like I have this permanent brain freeze, and it's messing with my life. - 1.0933 0.03382 75 68 7 0
6798 It’s sad that society still judges us for getting married.. but it breaks my heart that our son “Swirly” faces the most discrimination. 1.0933 0.03878 75 69 5 1
6799 I'm lactose intolerant, I can't stop shitting. It's inside me, everywhere. Doc, help me 1.0933 0.03878 75 69 5 1
6800 I feel global warming moving up my legs.” 1.0930 0.03151 86 78 8 0
6801 Doc, I am melting down. But, really - do you prorate? 1.0930 0.03558 86 79 6 1
6802 People tell me I have good taste, but that I'm cold. 1.0926 0.03982 54 49 5 0
6803 Brain freeze is a real disability, you know? 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
6804 I hate having to spend half of my life in a freezer. My favorite word now is brrr! 1.0923 0.04765 65 61 2 2
6805 and,boy did i take a licking 1.0923 0.04231 65 60 4 1
6806 After the Coneheads left SNL, it's been difficult to find work, least of all a spouse. 1.0923 0.04231 65 60 4 1
6807 I feel there should be more to life than plain vanilla. 1.0923 0.04765 65 61 2 2
6808 Just once I want to be thought of as more than just my brains. 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
6809 It was a hot day and people were calling me Rudy ... 1.0923 0.04231 65 60 4 1
6810 All the gelato in the freezers right now… I can’t help but think my days are numbered. 1.0923 0.04231 65 60 4 1
6811 I have a reoccurring dream, that people only like me when I have sprinkles. 1.0923 0.04231 65 60 4 1
6812 Every time I go on a diet, it's just ice cream on the brain, day and night. 1.0923 0.04231 65 60 4 1
6813 How do I cope with my feelings of jealously - I have no chocolate dip OR sprinkles! 1.0923 0.04765 65 61 2 2
6814 Doctor, it's when they stare at me, smacking their lips with desire and hunger in their eyes. 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
6815 don't you understand? i'm MELTING!! 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
6816 I guess you could say I'm just a big softee. 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
6817 ...so in the end, turns out that the boss asked for a "professional" Slurpee. 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
6818 Doc I think I got the big L... 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
6819 I think my inner problem is that I've had no sprinkles yet. 1.0923 0.04231 65 60 4 1
6820 I’ve been whipped into shape, but I’m still sour 1.0923 0.04231 65 60 4 1
6821 No, no…it is all in your head, dear boy 1.0923 0.04765 65 61 2 2
6822 No, you are not Dan Akroyd 1.0923 0.04231 65 60 4 1
6823 My wife and I try to make love but it’s hard to get in the mood when she calls me Mr. Softee. 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
6824 You are the one who told me to be soft and kind to myself and that it would help, doc. 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
6825 Maybe I am too much of a softie. 1.0921 0.03339 76 69 7 0
6826 I'm taking lickings, Doctor, but I can't just keep on kicking anymore. 1.0921 0.04262 76 71 3 2
6827 So, what do you take for a brain freeze? 1.0921 0.03339 76 69 7 0
6828 It all started when I was a child and all the kids would disingenuously chant, “I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream.” 1.0921 0.03829 76 70 5 1
6829 I can't get this song out of my head.... 1.0921 0.03339 76 69 7 0
6830 Everyone keeps telling me that I am soft in the head. 1.0921 0.03829 76 70 5 1
6831 Let's face it -- I'm twisted. 1.0921 0.03339 76 69 7 0
6832 I feel like I’m getting older and my brain is melting… 1.0921 0.03829 76 70 5 1
6833 All I ask is they're soft and sweet in return. 1.0921 0.03829 76 70 5 1
6834 Everyone is calling me a conehead. I never even watched Saturday Night Live 1.0921 0.03339 76 69 7 0
6835 I can’t help feeling responsible for all the brain freeze. 1.0921 0.03829 76 70 5 1
6836 You are not melting down. I am. 1.0921 0.03339 76 69 7 0
6837 At age two,my dad gave me a licking for breaking my mom’s Ming Dynasty vase. It was a knockoff. In 7th grade, kids called me Conehead. Inaccurately. In college… 1.0921 0.03829 76 70 5 1
6838 Doc, Everyone seems to think I’m a softy. How can I come across as a hard ass? 1.0921 0.03829 76 70 5 1
6839 My decision to identify as Dill Pickle has left me crippled with twist anxiety 1.0920 0.03116 87 79 8 0
6840 I keep having this recurring dream where mouths are coming at me trying to eat my brain and then it melts before I can get away. 1.0920 0.03519 87 80 6 1
6841 Sometimes my head feels like an ice cream cone. 1.0920 0.03116 87 79 8 0
6842 They only want me for my sprinkles. 1.0920 0.03116 87 79 8 0
6843 No one wants plain chocolate anymore 1.0920 0.03116 87 79 8 0
6844 I'm broke, but somehow she thinks I'm too rich for her. 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
6845 I keep being wanted for my head. 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
6846 I feel like I'm dairy whipped from the very start. 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
6847 Getting called a Softee every day hurts, y'know? 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
6848 So, your Touloungeaphobia been getting increasingly worse to the point of making it hard to function in society?" "Have you considered a job at Mcdonalds, no one will look for you there 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
6849 ...and I really miss SNL's Coneheads. 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
6850 The last time you told me not to be so hot headed 1.0909 0.03298 77 70 7 0
6851 I feel so swirled up. 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
6852 I can no longer take being mistaken as a "cone" head from Saturday Night Live. 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
6853 Being a softie in a family of double scoops is no picnic. 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
6854 Make it stop, Doc! All I hear in my head is I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream! 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
6855 i always have meltdowns, why am i so soft?" 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
6856 Sorry doc, I need to cut today’s session short. I’m starting to melt. 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
6857 Donald Trump really likes to lick my head and then some ! 1.0909 0.03480 88 81 6 1
6858 I’m tired of being called soft. 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
6859 Dairy Queen never appreciated my dedication. 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
6860 Clearly, I'm spiraling into an existential melt, contemplating the paradox of my ice-olated existence. 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
6861 I know, I know--somewhere out there someone has adequate air conditioning for me 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
6862 I guess one should be more specific when asking to be a smoothie. 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
6863 All my life I’ve been asked if I’m one of the coneheads from France. 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
6864 All the women at the office want to lick me. But never the men. No men! What's wrong with me? 1.0909 0.03298 77 70 7 0
6865 Sorry,Doctor,I need a moment. I am having a brain freeze. 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
6866 Listen doc, all my troubles started the night the music died. 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
6867 First it was flavors, then gelato. My life is just so...vanilla! 1.0909 0.03780 77 71 5 1
6868 But I was everybody's favorite till old Ben and Jerry stepped in. 1.0909 0.03780 77 71 5 1
6869 I'm just tired of this bland and vanilla lifestyle. I don't have enough on my plate to feel fullfilled. 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
6870 Patient: Doctor, I am really trying to lick this problem. Doctor: Ok, keep your chin up. You can do it. 1.0909 0.03298 77 70 7 0
6871 This ice cream headache is a real fun sucker. 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
6872 They didn't get what I meant by conehead. Didn't they watch Saturday Night Live? 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
6873 I want to be tough. I don't want to be a softy 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
6874 If you're nice today you can take the first bite. 1.0909 0.03298 77 70 7 0
6875 My mother? She's how I ended up a conehead! 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
6876 S.N..L is bringing back the cone heads .Should I apply doc? 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
6877 In the next hour, I will unlock the secrets of your wet dream. 1.0909 0.03298 77 70 7 0
6878 But how do I get warm feelings for someone? 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
6879 My problem,Doc,is that to make it today you need to be cold and hard,and I'm just a softie. 1.0909 0.03780 77 71 5 1
6880 Doc, recently my head has just taken a lickin'. 1.0909 0.04695 55 51 3 1
6881 It’s my Mr Softee hat that confuses people; underneath I’m hard as nails 1.0909 0.03298 77 70 7 0
6882 It feels like my head is just swirling around. 1.0909 0.03298 77 70 7 0
6883 It feels like,ah,…brain freeze? I get confused especially when it drips in my eyes. 1.0909 0.04208 77 72 3 2
6884 Is the brain-freeze I get whenever I have ice cream for dessert associated in some way with my feeling of extreme guilt? 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
6885 So I insisted the phrase was, ‘we all scream FOR ice cream,’ not ‘At ice cream.’ Anyways, that’s when I had the meltdown. 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
6886 Things have gone hill since everyone started going vegan 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
6887 Sometimes it's just hard to keep on ticking. 1.0909 0.03780 77 71 5 1
6888 My head might next turn into a Slinky talking more about my childhood... 1.0909 0.03298 77 70 7 0
6889 My wife calls me Mr. Softee in bed. 1.0909 0.03298 77 70 7 0
6890 I know I can come off as cold...but the truth is I'm just a big ol softy. 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
6891 Everytime I hug a kid,they want to lick my head. 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
6892 I am just tired of being soft all the time 1.0909 0.03780 77 71 5 1
6893 I doubt Dan Aykroyd ever felt the way I'm feeling, doc... 1.0909 0.03298 77 70 7 0
6894 And I'll never be 'seemingly ranch.' 1.0909 0.04695 55 51 3 1
6895 They keep saying the machine is broken, but here I am 1.0909 0.03912 55 50 5 0
6896 The problem is, they all just don’t seem to scream anymore. 1.0909 0.04208 77 72 3 2
6897 No Doc, I'm actually hot chocolate. 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
6898 My brain is freezing but it’s actually melting 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
6899 I'm being harassed by racists who think I'm Muslim.Do you think I should change the flavour colour of my topping? 1.0897 0.03734 78 72 5 1
6900 Being Conehead O’Brien is just not fulfilling anymore. 1.0897 0.03257 78 71 7 0
6901 They say it’s just an ice cream headache 1.0897 0.03257 78 71 7 0
6902 Doc, I don't know what's happened to me. It's all aswirl up there. 1.0897 0.03257 78 71 7 0
6903 This music keeps running through my head. 1.0897 0.03734 78 72 5 1
6904 I know I shouldn't let it get to me, but it hurts when they freeze me out...guess I'm too soft 1.0897 0.03257 78 71 7 0
6905 Another summer gone - and with it, my popularity. 1.0897 0.03257 78 71 7 0
6906 They keep joking that I'm a softee and I don't know if they're laughing at me or with me. 1.0897 0.04156 78 73 3 2
6907 I don’t know why my customers always want to eat me 1.0897 0.03257 78 71 7 0
6908 You don't know what it's like to have everyone staring at the top on your head. 1.0897 0.03734 78 72 5 1
6909 Please help me Doctor. I'm just so twisted. 1.0897 0.03257 78 71 7 0
6910 Of course I’ve thought about taking it off. But who am I, then? 1.0897 0.03257 78 71 7 0
6911 I don’t know — is it okay to feel so soft all the time? 1.0897 0.03257 78 71 7 0
6912 The sound of the licking, the porous tongues on my soft white face. It was too much doc. That’s when I changed my name to “I scream”. It was my time to scream. 1.0897 0.04156 78 73 3 2
6913 I just wish people realized soft serve didn’t mean ‘weak serve’. 1.0897 0.03734 78 72 5 1
6914 I feel like I could just melt away and nobody would care. 1.0897 0.04156 78 73 3 2
6915 You’re right. I’ve just become too soft to stand up against the competition. 1.0896 0.03515 67 61 6 0
6916 I’m in constant fear of getting licked. 1.0896 0.04108 67 62 4 1
6917 Sometimes I wonder what it would be like as chocolate ice cream. 1.0896 0.03515 67 61 6 0
6918 Everyone says I'm just a softee. 1.0896 0.03515 67 61 6 0
6919 I don't know why I keep getting these ice cream headaches. 1.0896 0.04108 67 62 4 1
6920 Things have actually gotten worse after coning out. 1.0896 0.03515 67 61 6 0
6921 So getting called 'Sweetie' so often gets a little tiresome, huh? 1.0896 0.03515 67 61 6 0
6922 And then they called me Peppermint Stick! 1.0896 0.03515 67 61 6 0
6923 I dream about playing tennis, but it's always with a soft serve! 1.0896 0.04108 67 62 4 1
6924 Doc, I just don’t know . . . It’s either cone head or brain freeze. 1.0896 0.04108 67 62 4 1
6925 And then he told me to stop being such a dairy queen. I can't see what's wrong with being a little soft-serving sometimes. 1.0896 0.04108 67 62 4 1
6926 '"I'm having meltdowns every sundae." Zach Bibbs, Macon, Missouri. 1.0896 0.04108 67 62 4 1
6927 I don't mind the recurring dream of dipping my head in chocolate - it's the headaches that are the problem. 1.0896 0.03515 67 61 6 0
6928 I having another meltdown Doc. 1.0896 0.04108 67 62 4 1
6929 I keep getting these horrible headaches… 1.0896 0.03515 67 61 6 0
6930 Would you like to see my impression of Jeremy Irons doing his impression of Claus von Bülow doing his impression of Queen Victoria? 1.0896 0.03515 67 61 6 0
6931 Picking myself up after my meltdowns is becoming more and more difficult." 1.0896 0.04108 67 62 4 1
6932 I am tired of always staying out of the sun. 1.0896 0.04108 67 62 4 1
6933 It’s all I hear - the screams! I cone’t cope anymore! 1.0896 0.04108 67 62 4 1
6934 I blame my parents. They felt we were too good sprinkles. 1.0896 0.03515 67 61 6 0
6935 I still have that recurrent dream about an ice cream beadache.! 1.0896 0.03515 67 61 6 0
6936 At first I liked all the licking. Then the melting started and I grew more and more self conscious. 1.0896 0.04108 67 62 4 1
6937 I can feel a brain freeze coming on 1.0896 0.03515 67 61 6 0
6938 Mr Softie -- Dairy Queen...How could it go soon wrong? 1.0896 0.03515 67 61 6 0
6939 I resent all my exes for saying I’m “too vanilla. 1.0896 0.04108 67 62 4 1
6940 The trouble started when she bought a car with only one climate control zone 1.0896 0.03515 67 61 6 0
6941 I thought that the expression “frozen brain” was an inaccurate metaphor 1.0896 0.04626 67 63 2 2
6942 Ever since Jimmy died, I feel so empty headed 1.0896 0.03515 67 61 6 0
6943 „Only two months ago. I couldn’t be too cool and sweet. But whatever flavour I am, there always comes a time of year where they drop me as if I’m not sweet enough anymore. And give me the feeling, I’m too cold all of a sudden.“ 1.0896 0.04108 67 62 4 1
6944 I’m just really worried I’m going to have a meltdown 1.0896 0.03515 67 61 6 0
6945 I’m fine. My dry-cleaning is nuts. 1.0893 0.03845 56 51 5 0
6946 I feel like there’s this cone of silence around me, but it’s probably just in my head. 1.0893 0.04613 56 52 3 1
6947 Do they know how crushes work? 1.0893 0.04613 56 52 3 1
6948 My grandfather was Mr Softy, he left me with a legacy that weighs heavily on my mind" 1.0893 0.04613 56 52 3 1
6949 It's like I always have brain freeze...I just can't shake it. 1.0893 0.03845 56 51 5 0
6950 I really hate how many people refer to me as a curlicue Queen. 1.0886 0.03688 79 73 5 1
6951 They crack up when I say tennis. 'Ha! Soft Serve - the next GOAT!' 1.0886 0.03218 79 72 7 0
6952 So, I had this vivid dream about sprinkles...... 1.0886 0.03218 79 72 7 0
6953 Now, it's both the brain freeze and the swirling feeling in my head 1.0886 0.03688 79 73 5 1
6954 With the name Mr. Softy it's impossible for me to find a date let alone a lifetime partner. 1.0886 0.03218 79 72 7 0
6955 My wife says I am too much of a Mr. Softee but I feel so guilty when I set boundaries with my mother. 1.0886 0.03218 79 72 7 0
6956 People think I'm going to drip. 1.0886 0.03688 79 73 5 1
6957 So I use it to gain trust, like you say. Identify enemy, engage,neutralize, return to my truck before noon. Thanks, Doc! 1.0886 0.03218 79 72 7 0
6958 Women say I’m cold, but I’m really Mister Softee. 1.0886 0.03688 79 73 5 1
6959 Always Soft doesn’t seem to attract the women. 1.0886 0.03688 79 73 5 1
6960 People keep telling me I've gone soft in the head. 1.0886 0.03218 79 72 7 0
6961 Women only love me for my Hair 1.0886 0.03688 79 73 5 1
6962 I find that SAD is still a thing for me.. 1.0886 0.03218 79 72 7 0
6963 And they dare saying they’re in a constant state of meltdown 1.0886 0.03218 79 72 7 0
6964 It's so embarrassing, doc. On every date I want to scream, I'm not soft everywhere! 1.0886 0.03688 79 73 5 1
6965 And that's when they called me Soft Serve. 1.0886 0.03218 79 72 7 0
6966 I keep telling my parents I don't want to be frozen yogurt 1.0886 0.03218 79 72 7 0
6967 Have you considered just chilling out? People like you better that way. 1.0886 0.03688 79 73 5 1
6968 I don't know. I feel like a big drip. 1.0882 0.03465 68 62 6 0
6969 I want the girls to like me for my money, Doc, but they're all just interested in what I have for brains. 1.0882 0.04049 68 63 4 1
6970 I know it’s who I am, but “you’re an old softee” always feels like a put-down. 1.0882 0.04559 68 64 2 2
6971 Doc, some people have even called me soft. 1.0882 0.03465 68 62 6 0
6972 Why do people always expect my head to prevail? 1.0882 0.04049 68 63 4 1
6973 And that's why they call me Mr. Softee. 1.0882 0.04049 68 63 4 1
6974 I keep obsessing and ruminating about the Wicked Witch of the West screaming, “I’m melting!” 1.0882 0.04559 68 64 2 2
6975 Coneheads, Shmoneheads ... SNL had nothng on me 1.0882 0.03465 68 62 6 0
6976 Brain freeze is real. When people say, "Don't have a meltdown," it makes me feel so alone. Do you think that this relates to my abandonment issues? 1.0882 0.04049 68 63 4 1
6977 Everyone I date thinks I'm just so Vanilla. 1.0882 0.03465 68 62 6 0
6978 I'm tired of everyone treating me like an old softee. 1.0882 0.03465 68 62 6 0
6979 The other kids called me ‘Cony Island’ 1.0882 0.03465 68 62 6 0
6980 Brain freeze is making me suicidal. 1.0882 0.04049 68 63 4 1
6981 Everyone keeps filling me up with their vanilla common sense. 1.0882 0.03465 68 62 6 0
6982 I know it’s wrong, but I’m really obsessed with Fudgie the Whale 1.0882 0.03465 68 62 6 0
6983 I have frequent freeze headaches 1.0882 0.03465 68 62 6 0
6984 My wife keeps telling me I’m soft in the head! 1.0882 0.03465 68 62 6 0
6985 Is it possible, underneath it all, I’m just hard and bitter? 1.0882 0.03465 68 62 6 0
6986 I wish I could be a Sprinkles guy or a Chocolate Dip, but I'm afraid I'm just a Plain Vanilla. 1.0882 0.03465 68 62 6 0
6987 I’m just not hard headed. 1.0882 0.03465 68 62 6 0
6988 I can't resist another meltdown 1.0882 0.03465 68 62 6 0
6989 I just want them to love me for me. 1.0882 0.03465 68 62 6 0
6990 She told me to 'man-up;' that I was too soft. 1.0882 0.04559 68 64 2 2
6991 Doc, help! The missus has me whipped. 1.0882 0.04049 68 63 4 1
6992 No matter what I do, my head just keeps spiraling. 1.0882 0.03465 68 62 6 0
6993 Every time I walk outside, I can’t help having a meltdown. 1.0882 0.03465 68 62 6 0
6994 I mean, my cross court backhand is usually flawless, but I just can’t handle their soft serve. 1.0882 0.04049 68 63 4 1
6995 What's wrong with being vanilla? 1.0882 0.03465 68 62 6 0
6996 OoOoOoooOOOoOoOOOOOOOO 1.0882 0.03465 68 62 6 0
6997 Not to toot my cone horn, but I’m kind of a big deal… people know me. 1.0882 0.03465 68 62 6 0
6998 And that's just the tip of the iceberg. 1.0882 0.04049 68 63 4 1
6999 I keep dreaming I’m being chased by a mob of screaming kids waving dollar bills while the pavement gets hotter and hotter and as I start melting into a pile of cream a group of hungry alley cats starts creeping closer and closer and closer…… 1.0882 0.03465 68 62 6 0
7000 I don't know... I just can't get it up lately. 1.0877 0.03780 57 52 5 0
7001 At first, they seem to really like me, but then they go all cold and claim they have an ice cream headache. 1.0877 0.03780 57 52 5 0
7002 We accept Zelle, Venmo, Bitcoin, but not Carvel. 1.0877 0.04534 57 53 3 1
7003 Every time I get close to someone I just run away. 1.0877 0.04534 57 53 3 1
7004 I'm in my 60s and still driving a beat up truck. Of course, I have meltdowns. 1.0877 0.03780 57 52 5 0
7005 I’ve always been a soft serve.” Sue Meyer, Bala Cynwyd, Pa 1.0877 0.03780 57 52 5 0
7006 Mr. Softee was my father. I just wish people would see me as plain ol' Dave. 1.0877 0.04534 57 53 3 1
7007 Can you imagine what life's like with a constant ice cream headache? 1.0875 0.03643 80 74 5 1
7008 Sometimes I just feel like I’ve got a chip missing—maybe more than one. 1.0875 0.03179 80 73 7 0
7009 It’s like if I consume too much humanity at once, I get this deep ache at the base of my cone. 1.0875 0.03179 80 73 7 0
7010 I’ve got a constant headache. 1.0875 0.03643 80 74 5 1
7011 I am a big softy so chocolate coat it.” 1.0870 0.03417 69 63 6 0
7012 I've always been told I'm too soft. 1.0870 0.02954 92 84 8 0
7013 I want to continue the McDonald family name, but- how should I say this?- the ice cream machine is broken. 1.0870 0.03992 69 64 4 1
7014 The remarks people make... I really get how M. Night Shyamalan feels about reviews of his movies. "I see the twist coming..." 1.0870 0.03417 69 63 6 0
7015 It's bad. My dog does not lick me anymore. 1.0870 0.03992 69 64 4 1
7016 Everybody at work thinks I'm a softy. 1.0870 0.03417 69 63 6 0
7017 My brain is melting away and my dandruff tastes like plain vanilla. 1.0870 0.03417 69 63 6 0
7018 I'm too much of a softee. 1.0870 0.03992 69 64 4 1
7019 me getting therapy cuz i turned into a giant ice cream cone :/ 1.0870 0.03417 69 63 6 0
7020 Deep inside, I feel like I'm a heatwave delight. 1.0870 0.03417 69 63 6 0
7021 Every time I hear a comment about brain freeze, it sends me down another shame spiral. 1.0870 0.03992 69 64 4 1
7022 She wants me to be less vanilla, but I'm worried I might melt under the pressure. 1.0870 0.03992 69 64 4 1
7023 My friends all tell me my head’s in a twist, doc, but i think it’s just my reality 1.0870 0.03992 69 64 4 1
7024 I feel affected by a seasonal disorder. 1.0870 0.03992 69 64 4 1
7025 Do you think it's a problem that I scream? 1.0870 0.04495 69 65 2 2
7026 While I sleep, all I hear is a swirling sound and when I wake up my head is all twisted. 1.0870 0.03417 69 63 6 0
7027 Dr Freud: Well,yes,Mr. Softee,sometimes a cone is just a cone! 1.0870 0.03992 69 64 4 1
7028 I didn't realize what they ment when they asked if I wanted iceream on a Cohen 1.0870 0.02954 92 84 8 0
7029 I've got millions of ideas in my head. I just can't seem to bring even one to life. 1.0870 0.03417 69 63 6 0
7030 Doc, the one person who found humor in calling me a real softie was MY MOTHER! 1.0870 0.03417 69 63 6 0
7031 …and she even said my haircut was too vanilla! Nico Gatti Roaf Washington D.C. 1.0870 0.03992 69 64 4 1
7032 I just can’t help being Mr. Softie. 1.0870 0.03992 69 64 4 1
7033 Even the cheese heads are giving me crap. 1.0870 0.03992 69 64 4 1
7034 well.. technically you CAN call me mr.softie- and not only because of my aesthetic😢 1.0870 0.03992 69 64 4 1
7035 And then I realized i'm the true ice cream and they're the hard ones. 1.0870 0.03417 69 63 6 0
7036 I try to keep a cool head… 1.0870 0.03992 69 64 4 1
7037 I'm exhausted, Doc. Tired of being licked without my consent, like I'm just a treat on legs. 1.0870 0.03417 69 63 6 0
7038 Growing up my dad was everywhere 1.0870 0.04495 69 65 2 2
7039 I do get the Sundae scaries! I would be happier to wrap up the weekend on Taco Tuesday instead. 1.0870 0.03417 69 63 6 0
7040 I wasn’t 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯 on Saturday Night Live! 1.0870 0.03417 69 63 6 0
7041 First one screams, then two scream. Before you know it, they all scream for ice cream. 1.0870 0.03992 69 64 4 1
7042 And sometimes, without warning, and for no reason that I can figure out, I suddenly get one hell of a headache. 1.0864 0.03599 81 75 5 1
7043 but...better than a Slurpee doesn't seem to impress anyone. 1.0864 0.03141 81 74 7 0
7044 Sometimes,Doctor, I can’t get the Dairy Wuern off my mind! ‘ 1.0864 0.03141 81 74 7 0
7045 I used to love fries, but the novelty's gone 1.0864 0.03599 81 75 5 1
7046 I just don’t feel like I fit in. I’ve always been “swirl” 1.0864 0.03141 81 74 7 0
7047 And then she served me the papers.” “Well at least she wasn’t too hard on you about it. 1.0864 0.03599 81 75 5 1
7048 I fear my brain freeze is getting in the way of my relationships. 1.0864 0.03599 81 75 5 1
7049 Your curtain reminds me of all the pants I've sweat on. 1.0862 0.03718 58 53 5 0
7050 For once I'm the one who needs emotional health 1.0862 0.03718 58 53 5 0
7051 Doc, I just can’t cope with this brain freeze another day! 1.0862 0.03718 58 53 5 0
7052 And as I was walking the other day someone called me a conehead! What's that all about? 1.0862 0.04458 58 54 3 1
7053 It's not just a dream: that big bully said that he would lick me, and I grew cold. 1.0862 0.03718 58 53 5 0
7054 I'm feeling a little whipped these days. 1.0862 0.03718 58 53 5 0
7055 Am I too sweet and cold at the same time, shrink? 😢 1.0862 0.04458 58 54 3 1
7056 It’s a simple case of brain freeze. 1.0862 0.03718 58 53 5 0
7057 So, why do you think you’re too soft to serve? 1.0862 0.04458 58 54 3 1
7058 It's dairy dessert, not real ice cream - want a lick, or do you prefer a cup? 1.0857 0.03370 70 64 6 0
7059 I scream a lot now that my employer’s banned rainbow sprinkles in the workplace! 1.0857 0.03937 70 65 4 1
7060 "How could I say 'no' when she asked if she could lick my head?" 1.0857 0.03937 70 65 4 1
7061 Of course, a trip to the beach is a non-starter, and I'm tired of people shouting, "Hey, soft serve, you've got something on your chin." 1.0857 0.03370 70 64 6 0
7062 i Keep having this nightmare that I'm having SEX with Mr Softee 1.0857 0.03370 70 64 6 0
7063 Mom drank too much the other night and accidentally slurred that my real father is Mr. Creamy. 1.0857 0.04432 70 66 2 2
7064 My son's friend said that his dad could lick me. 1.0857 0.03370 70 64 6 0
7065 She thinks I’m just being “Mr. Softee” but I can’t stop getting chills obsessing over global warming! 1.0857 0.03370 70 64 6 0
7066 It’s impossible to maintain relationships with women when your name is Mr. Softee. 1.0857 0.03370 70 64 6 0
7067 We were having a pleasant conversation, and then he gently and nonchalantly served me the lawsuit papers. My stomach dropped. Can't get that soft serve out of my mind. 1.0857 0.03937 70 65 4 1
7068 Actually I’m a big prick so my Mr. Softee name hurts my image 1.0857 0.03370 70 64 6 0
7069 I can't stop thinking it's going to melt- 1.0857 0.03370 70 64 6 0
7070 I feel guilty…” “No worries, you could still be a guilty pleasure. 1.0857 0.03370 70 64 6 0
7071 I'm diabetic and I scream when summer comes 1.0857 0.03370 70 64 6 0
7072 There's just one thing on my mind: how do I keep from melting down. 1.0857 0.03937 70 65 4 1
7073 People like me have a short selflife.” 1.0857 0.03370 70 64 6 0
7074 I just can't handle the heat they're putting on me, I'm too soft for this 1.0857 0.03937 70 65 4 1
7075 I told her I'd love to vacation at the beach too... 1.0857 0.03370 70 64 6 0
7076 I want to change from vanilla to chocolate, but I want my brain to remain the same 1.0857 0.03370 70 64 6 0
7077 Sometimes I wonder if I could have been more than just soft serve—maybe even gelato. 1.0857 0.03370 70 64 6 0
7078 You say that cooler heads will prevail, but why am I so anxious? 1.0857 0.03937 70 65 4 1
7079 It's been awhile since my last meltdown, but I'm feeling better now." -Jonathan Joo, 13 years ol 1.0857 0.03370 70 64 6 0
7080 '"Doc, i can't believe that I ate a gallon of ice cream!!" 1.0857 0.03937 70 65 4 1
7081 I had to break up with the journalist because she kept asking for the inside scoo 1.0857 0.03370 70 64 6 0
7082 I just hate they blame it on me because really they just didn’t clean the machine 1.0857 0.03370 70 64 6 0
7083 She insists on calling me ‘Mr. Softee.’ 1.0857 0.03370 70 64 6 0
7084 I just need them to lick me Doc." Conehead O'Brien in therapy after three decades of late night snacking #coneheadobrien #conanobrie 1.0857 0.03370 70 64 6 0
7085 Everywhere I go, I just keep hearing that weasel song! 1.0857 0.03370 70 64 6 0
7086 if i cant keep up, what hope does anyone else have? 1.0857 0.03370 70 64 6 0
7087 Ben and Jerry just keep callin’ me a softee, and I think I’m starting to believe them 1.0857 0.03370 70 64 6 0
7088 People tell me I'm soft 1.0854 0.03105 82 75 7 0
7089 I think my problem is that I’m too soft.” Meredith Clair, Brooklyn, N 1.0854 0.03105 82 75 7 0
7090 People are always making fun of me. 1.0854 0.03557 82 76 5 1
7091 What can I tell you, doc? I'm just a Softee. 1.0854 0.03105 82 75 7 0
7092 We’ve been together for months, and NOW she tells me she’s lactose intolerant? 1.0854 0.03557 82 76 5 1
7093 Let's talk about your anger issues and these melt downs you've been having 1.0847 0.03657 59 54 5 0
7094 So many different things are weighing down my head 1.0847 0.04384 59 55 3 1
7095 It’s not the sprinkles per se. It’s why my mother felt the need to use them. 1.0847 0.04384 59 55 3 1
7096 Doc, I'm bewitched by my mother who's a hot fudge sundae 1.0847 0.04384 59 55 3 1
7097 And then she said I was too big a ‘softy’ and had better ‘grow a pair.’ 1.0847 0.03657 59 54 5 0
7098 Always the same dream. Some psycho putting fries on me... 1.0847 0.03657 59 54 5 0
7099 I give up. They are telling me I continue to give them frosty looks; whatever that means 1.0847 0.04384 59 55 3 1
7100 If you think my head looks weird, you should see my penis 1.0847 0.03657 59 54 5 0
7101 I guess the twist is that I secretly wished I came from a broken home like the McDonalds. 1.0845 0.03883 71 66 4 1
7102 Why do people think I'm always waffling? 1.0845 0.03324 71 65 6 0
7103 My older brother is a marshmallow, and he’s the one our parents always loved most of all. 1.0845 0.03324 71 65 6 0
7104 For a while I dated a conehead,but not even that worked. 1.0845 0.03324 71 65 6 0
7105 When I get near the Dairy Queen I feel like I’m melting. 1.0845 0.03324 71 65 6 0
7106 I just can't the tune out of my head 1.0845 0.03883 71 66 4 1
7107 Can i get sprinkles for my vanilla swirl? 1.0845 0.03324 71 65 6 0
7108 The best way I can describe it is it feels like brain freeze. 1.0845 0.03324 71 65 6 0
7109 I'm in love ,Doc, and I find my self melting away. 1.0845 0.03883 71 66 4 1
7110 My wife calls me a flake and I just don’t like that sort of language 1.0845 0.03324 71 65 6 0
7111 I can't begin to describe the torment I experienced in my childhood. I mean, I wanted to lick my head too, but the rest of the kids took it too far. 1.0845 0.03883 71 66 4 1
7112 What's the hope of my ever developing a strong ego when everyone always calls me soft-serve ice cream? 1.0845 0.03883 71 66 4 1
7113 SNL Totally mis-represented me 1.0845 0.03324 71 65 6 0
7114 "It happens every time I become hot-headed" 1.0845 0.03324 71 65 6 0
7115 Am I really 'less than' if I haven't been dipped? 1.0845 0.03324 71 65 6 0
7116 I would posit it's not that you're Vanilla, but that you may be dreadfully boring. 1.0845 0.03324 71 65 6 0
7117 My Nana told me to wear this cap just before she ... Oh, if only she hadn't curlicued it! 1.0845 0.03883 71 66 4 1
7118 Every Tom, Dick and Harry comes up to me in a threatening manner and says, 'I could lick you.' 1.0845 0.03883 71 66 4 1
7119 Yes, I've had brain freeze before but this is something different. 1.0845 0.03324 71 65 6 0
7120 When I was a kid, I really didn't mind being called a softie, but when they started calling me a conehead it melted my self esteem. 1.0845 0.03324 71 65 6 0
7121 You're suffering from brain freeze and I can help you in one session. 1.0845 0.03324 71 65 6 0
7122 I came from a constantly broken home… 1.0845 0.04370 71 67 2 2
7123 You’ve got brain freeze. 1.0845 0.03324 71 65 6 0
7124 Its hard getting a date when they find out my name is MR SOFTEE! 1.0843 0.03069 83 76 7 0
7125 My family won’t accept my lactose intolerance. 1.0843 0.03911 83 78 3 2
7126 This all began with my mother, Dairy Queen.” Can you tell 1.0843 0.03515 83 77 5 1
7127 It just seems like I always have ice cream on the brain. 1.0843 0.03515 83 77 5 1
7128 Could you turn down the heat. I'm melting. 1.0833 0.03598 60 55 5 0
7129 Christ, what an asshole. 1.0833 0.03280 72 66 6 0
7130 To cap off a really tough week, I've got brain freeze. I blame my parents for that too. 1.0833 0.03598 60 55 5 0
7131 Since losing that billboard job, it feels like my career path is frozen. 1.0833 0.03280 72 66 6 0
7132 I should never have asked for dairy-free" 1.0833 0.04312 60 56 3 1
7133 I have been having this recurring nightmare … This hard for me to say.. Well that I become lactose intolerant . 1.0833 0.03830 72 67 4 1
7134 I just can't lick the feeling that I'm different somehow. 1.0833 0.03598 60 55 5 0
7135 My father was hand-dipped, so there was no talking to him. 1.0833 0.03830 72 67 4 1
7136 I do now that cooler heads prevail, but ... 1.0833 0.03280 72 66 6 0
7137 He says I'm so vanilla that I have to wear rainbow sprinkles. 1.0833 0.03598 60 55 5 0
7138 My life feels like a film directed by M. Night Shyamalan and Woody Allen. 1.0833 0.03598 60 55 5 0
7139 The only good thing about this is that nowadays I can go into politics 1.0833 0.03830 72 67 4 1
7140 But NOBODY takes a ‘flavor of the month’ seriously! 1.0833 0.03830 72 67 4 1
7141 My girlfriend is leaving…because I can’t warm up to her! 1.0833 0.03280 72 66 6 0
7142 I've always felt that term trivializes my work. Let's face it, no one ever screams for soft serve. 1.0833 0.03598 60 55 5 0
7143 So how does this “brain freeze” make you feel? 1.0833 0.03034 84 77 7 0
7144 I feel like a machine that can't be fixed. 1.0833 0.03280 72 66 6 0
7145 Although usually cool heads prevail, I am concerned about keeping mine with Globe Climate change 1.0833 0.03598 60 55 5 0
7146 Truth is, I've never liked Sundaes. 1.0833 0.03280 72 66 6 0
7147 I thought only my dermatologist gave me an ice cream headache. 1.0833 0.03830 72 67 4 1
7148 I’m telling you doc, I’m always on the verge of a meltdown! 1.0833 0.03830 72 67 4 1
7149 The one that really hurts is, 'Conehead'. 1.0833 0.03830 72 67 4 1
7150 Mom never gave me any sprinkles. 1.0833 0.03598 60 55 5 0
7151 I’ve had a nagging col lately but my wife says it’s all in my head. 1.0833 0.04312 60 56 3 1
7152 Can you believe she left me just because she learned she was lactose intolerant ? 1.0833 0.03280 72 66 6 0
7153 I feel better, but I still have a headache. 1.0833 0.03598 60 55 5 0
7154 It’s hard being a cold-hearted executive when in my head I truly am a Mister Softee. 1.0833 0.03280 72 66 6 0
7155 My problem is that I can't ever warm up to people. 1.0833 0.03830 72 67 4 1
7156 It just left me feeling a little — soft. 1.0833 0.04924 60 57 1 2
7157 I sure hope you’re Jungian 1.0833 0.03280 72 66 6 0
7158 Everything is literally cool after surgery… 1.0833 0.04924 60 57 1 2
7159 Sometimes I wish they were Mr. Softee 1.0833 0.03830 72 67 4 1
7160 no matter how hard I am on them, my employees just think I’m just an old softy 1.0833 0.03280 72 66 6 0
7161 I thought being a cone head would bring me fame and fortune. 1.0824 0.03435 85 79 5 1
7162 I came from a broken home that was rarely functional. 1.0824 0.03435 85 79 5 1
7163 I think it all began when my brother gave me a swirly 1.0824 0.03821 85 80 3 2
7164 Well...my wife is big on this whole 'manifesting' thing and she said something about me being too cold... I don't know, I wasn't really listening. 1.0822 0.03237 73 67 6 0
7165 Is 'brain freeze' a real thing because I feel like I have it all the time? 1.0822 0.03779 73 68 4 1
7166 When did you start feeling lickable? 1.0822 0.03779 73 68 4 1
7167 It's tough being a professional welterweight, I keep getting licked. 1.0822 0.03237 73 67 6 0
7168 Doc, I can't help it if I have brain freeze - I love ice cream! 1.0822 0.03237 73 67 6 0
7169 What does my hat that looks like an ice cream swirl, if anything, have to do with resolving my issues? 1.0822 0.03779 73 68 4 1
7170 My constant traveling to freezing locations is driving me crazy. 1.0822 0.03779 73 68 4 1
7171 I can't live with this constant brain freeze. 1.0822 0.03779 73 68 4 1
7172 You don’t think I’m too soft, do ya doc? 1.0822 0.03779 73 68 4 1
7173 I'm such a pushover at work that everyone calls me "Mr. Softee." 1.0822 0.03237 73 67 6 0
7174 Even my wife calls me Mr. Softee. 1.0822 0.03779 73 68 4 1
7175 How do I feel about it? Your frozen yogurt is melting! How do YOU feel about it? 1.0822 0.03237 73 67 6 0
7176 I want to be more adventurous - have some sprinkles on my head. 1.0822 0.03237 73 67 6 0
7177 The voices in my head say,"yum" 1.0822 0.03237 73 67 6 0
7178 Everyone keeps telling me how sweet I am, but then the only thing that happens is I get another licking. 1.0822 0.03237 73 67 6 0
7179 Then they told me that "Conehead" had already been trademarked! 1.0822 0.03779 73 68 4 1
7180 My wife says she loves me, but she has odd ways of showing it. 1.0822 0.03237 73 67 6 0
7181 The Tennis Coach made fun of my serve again this week. 1.0822 0.03237 73 67 6 0
7182 I keep dreaming that I have to wear a cone of shame. 1.0822 0.03237 73 67 6 0
7183 It doesn’t help when everyone is goes around lactose intolerant 1.0822 0.03237 73 67 6 0
7184 There's something wrong with me doc. I just want to know why I always feel like I'm on the verge of a meltdown. 1.0822 0.03779 73 68 4 1
7185 I'm never hungry, though I often get ice cream headaches. 1.0822 0.03779 73 68 4 1
7186 So Doc, you are telling me that I have brain freeze? 1.0822 0.03779 73 68 4 1
7187 And for the record, I hate sprinkles! 1.0822 0.03237 73 67 6 0
7188 It all started when…. 1.0822 0.03779 73 68 4 1
7189 I think I'm too soft 1.0820 0.04243 61 57 3 1
7190 It all began when they said that I could rustle up One Mean Blizzard . . . Q. .. 1.0820 0.03541 61 56 5 0
7191 But what if not everybody liked vanilla?" 1.0820 0.03541 61 56 5 0
7192 I know I'm soft but I feel so rejected in the winter 1.0820 0.03541 61 56 5 0
7193 Dad always said that sprinkles are only for winners so I've never felt worthy. 1.0820 0.04243 61 57 3 1
7194 It got worse when they found out my first name is Richard 1.0820 0.04243 61 57 3 1
7195 My Dairy King business just failed miserably. 1.0820 0.04243 61 57 3 1
7196 They accuse me of double dipping! 1.0820 0.03541 61 56 5 0
7197 I just can’t tell if people love me for me or if they just have a craving for ice cream. 1.0820 0.03541 61 56 5 0
7198 Saturday Night Live is suing me for plagiarism. 1.0820 0.03541 61 56 5 0
7199 Strangers keep asking me about my role on Saturday Night Live. 1.0820 0.03541 61 56 5 0
7200 I just feel I can’t warm up to people. 1.0820 0.04845 61 58 1 2
7201 I only fear melting. 1.0820 0.03541 61 56 5 0
7202 In my current circumstances, I don't know how long I can keep a cool head. 1.0820 0.03541 61 56 5 0
7203 The brain freeze is just really getting to me, you know? 1.0820 0.03541 61 56 5 0
7204 'It's...it's like every day is Sunday "... 1.0820 0.04243 61 57 3 1
7205 I think I identify as Hershey. 1.0820 0.03541 61 56 5 0
7206 I just wanna show her that I'm not that cold doc, am I? 1.0820 0.03541 61 56 5 0
7207 I want a Love to last past Saturday night 1.0816 0.03136 98 91 6 1
7208 I spent all those years working at a Dairy Queen and never could get ahead 1.0814 0.03396 86 80 5 1
7209 Even my mother, who loves Dairy Queen, is mocking my turban. 1.0814 0.03396 86 80 5 1
7210 When did you first feel your world was spinning out of control? 1.0811 0.03195 74 68 6 0
7211 My Queen said she was leaving me for someone with a good sense of humor. 1.0811 0.03729 74 69 4 1
7212 Being lactose intolerant doesn't make me a bad person? 1.0811 0.03195 74 68 6 0
7213 And then she just melted right in front of me... 1.0811 0.03729 74 69 4 1
7214 Well Doc, all of a sudden a little "buzz" came over me and, seriously, I hadn't had a thing to drink! 1.0811 0.03729 74 69 4 1
7215 I used to be so happy until my girlfriend decided she wanted chocolate. 1.0811 0.03195 74 68 6 0
7216 My head is all twisted up. 1.0811 0.03195 74 68 6 0
7217 I was born soft, and people have been taking advantage of me ever since. 1.0811 0.03729 74 69 4 1
7218 I got fired. They said I was too soft. 1.0811 0.03195 74 68 6 0
7219 It's tough getting brain freeze all the time and I just can't lick it! 1.0811 0.03195 74 68 6 0
7220 I think I finally understand why I have always been called cone head 1.0811 0.03729 74 69 4 1
7221 I already took all the sprinkles you gave me, I'm telling you my boss is nutty. 1.0811 0.03195 74 68 6 0
7222 I can never accept being replaced by a pumpkin head. 1.0811 0.03729 74 69 4 1
7223 Let me tell you, doctor, oral fixation meant something way less creepy in my imagination. 1.0811 0.03195 74 68 6 0
7224 So, the party leaders said we are not to blame for rising temperatures. 1.0811 0.03729 74 69 4 1
7225 So, tell me about when you were an ice cream boy… 1.0811 0.03195 74 68 6 0
7226 I never lived up to my father’s expectations I would be a “gelato” instead of a soft serve. 1.0811 0.03729 74 69 4 1
7227 And then they all screamed, "ICE CREAM!" 1.0811 0.03729 74 69 4 1
7228 In my dreams, he screams, she screams, they all scream for... 1.0811 0.03195 74 68 6 0
7229 I recommend you see a sex therapist . 1.0806 0.04176 62 58 3 1
7230 And then I said that I didn't believe that another soft serve cone would affect me at all.... 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
7231 My greatest fear is being dipped in a vat of chocolate. 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
7232 It's tough, being Trey Gowdy. 1.0806 0.04176 62 58 3 1
7233 Oh Doc... I don't know what to do...I can't get any dates.. cause everyone keeps calling me Mr. Softee!!! 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
7234 Of course we have our differences. She's a single-celled organism I'm a guy with an icecream cone for a head. But love is love!! 1.0806 0.04176 62 58 3 1
7235 People dismiss me as being shallow and one-dimensional. They don't realize that my jingle actually has lyrics. 1.0806 0.04176 62 58 3 1
7236 I just want gelato more outta life 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
7237 In most scenarios, my brain always freezes. 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
7238 It’s after Labor Day and everyone treats me like I’m wearing white, for goodness sake! 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
7239 I think I'm getting soft in my old age. Janet English, PhD South Woodstock, Vermont 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
7240 I just want people to see me as I am. I am a conehead and not a softie. 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
7241 I just keep having meltdowns, and I just can't chill out. 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
7242 I can’t get over this fear of an eminent mental meltdown 1.0806 0.04176 62 58 3 1
7243 I’m sorry your mental health policy does not cover lactose deficiency. 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
7244 I feel like I’m too much of a softy. 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
7245 Do you know what it’s like to have constant brain freeze? 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
7246 My name is Mr Tasty,but sometimes I stuggle with being stereotyped. 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
7247 My wife hates me. You wouldn't believe what she calls me. 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
7248 I can’t help it, doc, I’m just a big softie. 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
7249 I can't handle people's expectations. I only ever wanted to be a cup. 1.0800 0.03681 75 70 4 1
7250 Thanks for all your help, Doc. There's no topping me now. 1.0800 0.03681 75 70 4 1
7251 Yeah, people have gotten in their licks over the years . . . they say I'm cold . . . 1.0800 0.03154 75 69 6 0
7252 I was always told that my birth parents were lactose intolerant, but then I discovered they owned an ice cream parlor...oh, here comes that brain freeze again! 1.0800 0.03154 75 69 6 0
7253 But what about the consumed? 1.0800 0.03154 75 69 6 0
7254 She makes me melt. Ugh, I'm such a softie!! 1.0800 0.03681 75 70 4 1
7255 People keep telling me I look like Dan Aykroyd, whoever that is. 1.0800 0.03154 75 69 6 0
7256 The brain freezes are really getting to me. 1.0800 0.03154 75 69 6 0
7257 I just can't seem to toughen up 1.0800 0.03876 50 46 4 0
7258 DOC, EVERYONE CALLS ME A HOT-HEAD. 1.0800 0.03154 75 69 6 0
7259 I’m just so tired of being called soft, you know? 1.0800 0.03154 75 69 6 0
7260 I have no head for this life. 1.0795 0.02901 88 81 7 0
7261 Tell me about the brain freezes. 1.0794 0.03433 63 58 5 0
7262 I’m just so cold inside. 1.0794 0.03433 63 58 5 0
7263 I know, I know, it's for the other head, but I'm an incel. 1.0794 0.03433 63 58 5 0
7264 If it's a Delusion knowing My Sprinkles Day will come .. why was I created Swirl Head Man in the first place? 1.0794 0.04693 63 60 1 2
7265 Yeah , cone head is offensive. But they don’t even say vanilla or chocolate . 1.0794 0.04112 63 59 3 1
7266 It was me but not me,you know? I was more of a swirl. 1.0794 0.03433 63 58 5 0
7267 "Every day seems the same. I spiral out of control—and that, of course, leads me to a serious meltdown. 1.0794 0.04112 63 59 3 1
7268 When I was little, I got licked on the. playground all the time... 1.0794 0.03433 63 58 5 0
7269 Doctor, I just cannot understand why I have such serious brain freeze when I go to job interviews... 1.0794 0.03433 63 58 5 0
7270 I know my father was a Mr. Softee and my father’s father was a Mr. Softee but damnit, I want to be an actor! 1.0794 0.03433 63 58 5 0
7271 Think of the law on how to protect what else I have of my property. 1.0794 0.03433 63 58 5 0
7272 It was to hot out side so he stayed inside 1.0794 0.03433 63 58 5 0
7273 Doctor, Shrink my Conehead please! 1.0794 0.04112 63 59 3 1
7274 I'm so depressed, Doctor, because of the shape of my head, I didn't have a chance to get on Saturday Night Live as one of the famous Coneheads. 1.0794 0.03433 63 58 5 0
7275 I have this recurring nightmare of Gene Simmons chasing me down the street! 1.0794 0.03433 63 58 5 0
7276 I'm depressed that I'll never be more than plain vanilla. 1.0794 0.03433 63 58 5 0
7277 I've been having that dream again where I'm mint chip. 1.0794 0.03433 63 58 5 0
7278 How do I cure my Sundae scaries? 1.0794 0.04112 63 59 3 1
7279 Every day I feel like I'm stuck in a broken machine 1.0794 0.04693 63 60 1 2
7280 You asked me not to wear my "cone of silence." 1.0794 0.03433 63 58 5 0
7281 I wish they’d stop calling me a softee. 1.0794 0.03433 63 58 5 0
7282 The days just kept getting longer… 1.0794 0.03433 63 58 5 0
7283 My parents are the McDonald’s ice cream machine, so I come from a broken family :/ 1.0794 0.03433 63 58 5 0
7284 I’ve just been feeling out of order lately. 1.0794 0.03433 63 58 5 0
7285 Why does everyone think i’m so cold 1.0794 0.04112 63 59 3 1
7286 My cousin, Gelato, keeps making fun of me. 1.0789 0.03634 76 71 4 1
7287 And then these West Indian kids started circling me and chanting - "Custards last stand!" 1.0789 0.03634 76 71 4 1
7288 I’m constantly taking a licking in life 1.0789 0.03634 76 71 4 1
7289 Licking is not my love language doc 1.0789 0.03114 76 70 6 0
7290 I'm not agoraphobic I just don't go out in warm weather. 1.0789 0.03634 76 71 4 1
7291 At first I thought it was just brain freeze. 1.0789 0.03634 76 71 4 1
7292 I just can’t figure out why I keep finding myself in the “freeze” part of “fight flight or freeze” 1.0789 0.03114 76 70 6 0
7293 I've always dreamed of having a head just like yours." 1.0789 0.03634 76 71 4 1
7294 Welcome to the best time of year where intricate Halloween costumes result in needing to see a therapist. 1.0789 0.03114 76 70 6 0
7295 The irony, Doc, is that life is served hard 1.0789 0.03114 76 70 6 0
7296 I feel like my authentic self is Italian gelato, but I accidentally emerged from a soft-serve machine somewhere in the Midwest. 1.0781 0.04049 64 60 3 1
7297 I'm listening to you. But in my head I'm thinking of ice cream. Why is it? 1.0781 0.03381 64 59 5 0
7298 I’ve always wanted to be an egghead. 1.0781 0.04049 64 60 3 1
7299 I told my internist I have brain freeze. He sent me here and said it's all in my head. 1.0781 0.03381 64 59 5 0
7300 Every time I start to think about it Ice scream! 1.0781 0.04049 64 60 3 1
7301 I just can't handle this brain freeze anymore. 1.0781 0.04049 64 60 3 1
7302 I KNOW I’m a conehead but Jane Curtin vehemently disagrees. 1.0781 0.03381 64 59 5 0
7303 I feel licked by life! 1.0781 0.03381 64 59 5 0
7304 I keep feeling like my my head is spinning. 1.0781 0.04049 64 60 3 1
7305 Doctor, the children won't stop licking me! 1.0781 0.03381 64 59 5 0
7306 I've been told that I'm too much of a softie. 1.0781 0.04049 64 60 3 1
7307 Softee? Creemee? Soft serve? It's so demeaning! 1.0781 0.04049 64 60 3 1
7308 Soft served is not a recipe for a happy marriage 1.0781 0.03381 64 59 5 0
7309 Can you acknowledge your own lactose intolerance?. 1.0781 0.03381 64 59 5 0
7310 I feel I’ve gone through life as a softee. 1.0781 0.04049 64 60 3 1
7311 I always feel so cold to everyone. 1.0781 0.03381 64 59 5 0
7312 Well my advice is if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em Mr Pothead. 1.0781 0.03381 64 59 5 0
7313 If the cone starts leaking then I go crazy. 1.0781 0.03381 64 59 5 0
7314 Yes I have issues-I don’t like being called a queen and I’m very concerned about global warming. 1.0781 0.04049 64 60 3 1
7315 Sometimes, all I want to do is cream! 1.0781 0.04049 64 60 3 1
7316 I’ve always been a pushover. Could never stand up for myself. So I got that nickname when I was a kid and it just stuck with me. 1.0781 0.04621 64 61 1 2
7317 Doc, the problem is everybody else’s oral fixations. 1.0781 0.04049 64 60 3 1
7318 My wife kicked me out for being too vanilla. 1.0781 0.03381 64 59 5 0
7319 Nice ice cream cone hat Mr. Conehead. What will you be next week? 1.0781 0.03381 64 59 5 0
7320 Things are really getting on top of me! 1.0781 0.03381 64 59 5 0
7321 „So you really think this constant brain freeze might be a mental issue?“ 1.0781 0.04049 64 60 3 1
7322 I can’t keep going on like this; for everyone else it’s a mid life crisis. For me, it’s brain freeze. 1.0781 0.03381 64 59 5 0
7323 Then he licked me like I ‘mint’ (meant) nothing to him 1.0781 0.03381 64 59 5 0
7324 « It’s like they only want me for a season you know? » 1.0781 0.04049 64 60 3 1
7325 They say I come off cold. But I don't know how to change that without fundamentally changing who I am. 1.0779 0.03075 77 71 6 0
7326 I'm not saying they have to accept me. Just stop being so intolerant... 1.0779 0.03588 77 72 4 1
7327 I'm just a Conehead without a cone. 1.0779 0.03075 77 71 6 0
7328 It’s dark and cramped, but I’m sure there are rainbow sprinkles if I could only open the door… 1.0779 0.03588 77 72 4 1
7329 All my life I’ve been underestimated. I’m so tired of being called a softy. 1.0779 0.03075 77 71 6 0
7330 I'm having a recurring nightmare that my hair is covered with chocolate. 1.0779 0.03075 77 71 6 0
7331 Okay, I’m channeling the heat from frying an egg to resolve my brain freeze. 1.0779 0.03075 77 71 6 0
7332 It's just that I worked so hard for my MBA and those big slobbering dogs still look at me as just a pup cup. 1.0779 0.03588 77 72 4 1
7333 I can't understand it- everyone used to lap me up 1.0779 0.03075 77 71 6 0
7334 My father is a coward, and I have never seen the farm my mom came from. 1.0779 0.03588 77 72 4 1
7335 Sometimes i can be Mr. Hard to get along with 1.0779 0.03075 77 71 6 0
7336 I just can't help feeling responsible for all those shark attacks... 1.0779 0.03075 77 71 6 0
7337 I get that bad feeling as soon as they lick their lips. 1.0769 0.03331 65 60 5 0
7338 I asked to be chocolate or strawberry but they said someone has to be plain vanilla. 1.0769 0.03988 65 61 3 1
7339 Those dreams keep swirling around in my head. 1.0769 0.03331 65 60 5 0
7340 My friends even gifted me a vanity license plate that says “SNOCONE”! Why, Doctor?? 1.0769 0.03331 65 60 5 0
7341 I don't really mind the adults taking a lick but all those very aggressive kids climbing up on me really triggers my anxiety. 1.0769 0.03543 78 73 4 1
7342 No, I'm not the House Whip. 1.0769 0.03331 65 60 5 0
7343 I just get so depressed. No matter the time of year, and drastically do during the summer months. 1.0769 0.03331 65 60 5 0
7344 Eventually,we all vegetate. 1.0769 0.03331 65 60 5 0
7345 I can't understand why I have a reputation as an Old Smoothie. 1.0769 0.03331 65 60 5 0
7346 Even in tennis I have a soft serve. 1.0769 0.03331 65 60 5 0
7347 Everyone I meet tells me I'm much too soft! 1.0769 0.03331 65 60 5 0
7348 And then he called me dippin dots...and I just don't know what to do 1.0769 0.03988 65 61 3 1
7349 But I am going soft on them. 1.0769 0.03331 65 60 5 0
7350 I just can’t stop thinking about what could have been and the children I’d have if that damn machine would just work once in a while. 1.0769 0.03331 65 60 5 0
7351 If I can be candid with you Dr. Cohen, you're really messing with my head. 1.0769 0.03988 65 61 3 1
7352 I don't know...I just keep hearing this...music? And it WON'T stop! 1.0769 0.03988 65 61 3 1
7353 I'm just too soft. 1.0769 0.04551 65 62 1 2
7354 The current climate has left me with no other choice, can you perform euthanasia for Ice Cream men too? 1.0769 0.03037 78 72 6 0
7355 My doctor says I'm too soft in the pooch and I'm doing a disservice to myself with my ice cream addiction. 1.0769 0.03331 65 60 5 0
7356 Doc.....I think I'm melting without the Dairy Queen...she's my cone and toppings damn it! 1.0769 0.03331 65 60 5 0
7357 Sometimes I feel like everyone one a taste of me, and my brain freezes 1.0769 0.03331 65 60 5 0
7358 She keeps telling me that I've gone soft in the head, but it's my dream to be tutti frutti. 1.0769 0.03543 78 73 4 1
7359 I feel like I’m always left out in the cold. 1.0769 0.03331 65 60 5 0
7360 I am pathetically insecure in being seen as a softee 1.0769 0.03331 65 60 5 0
7361 Everybody hates my jingle now! 1.0769 0.03331 65 60 5 0
7362 I dread that global warming will melt my life away. 1.0769 0.03988 65 61 3 1
7363 Ever since I was a little squirt, all the kids have taunted me with "I scream, you scream, we all want some ice cream!" 1.0769 0.03037 78 72 6 0
7364 I'm having an existential meltdown. Am I a man seeking meaning or just an empty cone searching for my sweet spot? I feel all swirled up inside!" 1.0769 0.03331 65 60 5 0
7365 I always wanted a recurring bit part on Saturday Night Live. 1.0769 0.03331 65 60 5 0
7366 I don't mind the commitment to "serve" Doc, but being accused of being "soft" everyday is really starting to bother me. 1.0769 0.03037 78 72 6 0
7367 I just don't feel like myself anymore. That's the cold reality. 1.0769 0.03331 65 60 5 0
7368 Do you ever feel like your life is too… vanilla?” 1.0769 0.03331 65 60 5 0
7369 Whenever I order a scoop of Chocolate, they scream 1.0769 0.03988 65 61 3 1
7370 When I let chocolate back into my life, I turned into an entirely different flavor. 1.0769 0.03988 65 61 3 1
7371 I just want to find someone who will say, 'I melt with you!'" 1.0769 0.03331 65 60 5 0
7372 And I keep getting these 10-second headaches. Do you think it’s my mother’s fault? 1.0769 0.03543 78 73 4 1
7373 I just melt when the heat gets turned up at work. 1.0769 0.03988 65 61 3 1
7374 She wants to spice things up in the bedroom, and I’m… you know… 1.0769 0.03331 65 60 5 0
7375 She called me shit head 1.0769 0.03037 78 72 6 0
7376 I have a recurring nightmare about being returned to Remulak. 1.0759 0.03499 79 74 4 1
7377 Doctor, coming here has been very therapeutic. I come here and I say, “Well, I definitely wouldn’t trade heads with this guy.” 1.0759 0.03499 79 74 4 1
7378 Mother said make a wish, and blow out the candles. 1.0759 0.03000 79 73 6 0
7379 Doctor,I 1.0759 0.03499 79 74 4 1
7380 I’m just feeling a bit frosty today, Doc…. 1.0759 0.03000 79 73 6 0
7381 i've been feeling a bit drippy lately,I might have a meltdown" 1.0758 0.03282 66 61 5 0
7382 '"All my life people have called me, 'softy', or 'dairy queen head,' doesn't help that my parent's named me cone." -sk whidbey island wa 1.0758 0.03282 66 61 5 0
7383 I'm doing my best, but Jane Curtin just laughed at me. 1.0758 0.03929 66 62 3 1
7384 And then I auditioned for the Coneheads skit on SNL but that idiot Lorne Michaels chose Dan Aykroyd instead. 1.0758 0.04483 66 63 1 2
7385 ... and I have this persistent fear of direct sunlight... 1.0758 0.03282 66 61 5 0
7386 After summer I get SAD. 1.0758 0.03282 66 61 5 0
7387 I thought for sure I'd be offered a role in 'Coneheads', but nooo. 1.0758 0.03282 66 61 5 0
7388 The Jerk Store called, they're out of you 1.0758 0.03282 66 61 5 0
7389 I've been having a persistent case of brainfreeze. 1.0758 0.03282 66 61 5 0
7390 The ringing of the flushes in my ears won’t go away Dr Those bully’s in 4th grade did this swirly when they stuffed my head in the girls room toilet 1.0758 0.03282 66 61 5 0
7391 Your treatment for brain freeze is not working. 1.0758 0.03282 66 61 5 0
7392 I feel like my mind is constantly going in circles and melting away. 1.0758 0.03282 66 61 5 0
7393 I've lost my sprinkles doc, I've lost my sprinkles and there's no way to get them back. 1.0758 0.03282 66 61 5 0
7394 I’m worried I’m just to twisted doc! 1.0758 0.03282 66 61 5 0
7395 So...they call me brain freeze! 1.0758 0.03282 66 61 5 0
7396 And ever since the incident, the kids at school started calling me "Mr. Softy" 1.0758 0.03929 66 62 3 1
7397 I have this nightmare where I scream in a cone of silence 1.0758 0.03282 66 61 5 0
7398 Well it all goes back to my childhood … 1.0758 0.03929 66 62 3 1
7399 Have you reached out to anyone from my patient support group Neapolitan? Mr. Peanut is expecting your call. 1.0758 0.03929 66 62 3 1
7400 I want women to like me for my mind...and not just my body. 1.0758 0.03282 66 61 5 0
7401 I think it’s because my father was so hard on me. 1.0758 0.03282 66 61 5 0
7402 It’s all and pumpkin spice and Christmas already. They’re starting earlier each year. 1.0758 0.03282 66 61 5 0
7403 My wife thinks I’ve gone soft with the kids. She can be hard on me sometimes. 1.0758 0.03282 66 61 5 0
7404 They accuse me of being anti-sprinkles but I'm not, I'm really not. It's just that sprinkles frigthen me. 1.0758 0.03282 66 61 5 0
7405 I don’t know what it is that makes people lick me so easily in life! 1.0758 0.03282 66 61 5 0
7406 I scream at night thinking how mundane my life is. Am I vanilla? 1.0758 0.03282 66 61 5 0
7407 I don’t understand why everyone shows me their tongues. 1.0755 0.03663 53 49 4 0
7408 I hate Sundays. 1.0755 0.03663 53 49 4 0
7409 I feel like my life is melting away!" 1.0753 0.02751 93 86 7 0
7410 I just don’t know if I’m cut out for a healthy relationship. 1.0750 0.03456 80 75 4 1
7411 I asked her to make me an ice cream cone, and she did. 1.0750 0.02963 80 74 6 0
7412 And then, just to rub it in, she got out of bed and started doing a little dance, and singing the Mister Softee song. 1.0750 0.02963 80 74 6 0
7413 I had the nightmare again last night, Doc. All the kids calling me Mr. Softee and telling me how vanilla I am. And the Good Humor man just standing there laughing right along with them. 1.0750 0.03456 80 75 4 1
7414 I’m suffering from Male Pattern Icecream 1.0746 0.03871 67 63 3 1
7415 It all started when I was picked on in grade school for being a softee. 1.0746 0.03235 67 62 5 0
7416 Hey Doc, could you turn the air up? 1.0746 0.03235 67 62 5 0
7417 I’ve never been tongue-kissed 1.0746 0.03235 67 62 5 0
7418 People act suspicious about children's interest in me. 1.0746 0.03235 67 62 5 0
7419 She wants me to be more assertive, but she married Mister Softee. 1.0746 0.03871 67 63 3 1
7420 And then I went outside because I heard there were sprinkles.... 1.0746 0.03235 67 62 5 0
7421 My wife has told me in no uncertain terms,I am no treat. 1.0746 0.03235 67 62 5 0
7422 I just can't lick the black and white thoughts that swirl around up there. 1.0746 0.03235 67 62 5 0
7423 The tragic result of an unfortunate Sleudian Frip. 1.0746 0.03871 67 63 3 1
7424 I no longer get pleasure from dipping. 1.0746 0.03235 67 62 5 0
7425 I really wanted a swirl. 1.0746 0.03235 67 62 5 0
7426 Dr, if you’re not lactose intolerant, I may need an intervention before my hour is up 1.0746 0.03235 67 62 5 0
7427 I hate it when they say 'consume mass quantities.' 1.0746 0.03235 67 62 5 0
7428 I’m not proud of it, but I served my soft time. 1.0746 0.03871 67 63 3 1
7429 Doc,sometimes I think the swirl is a little over the top. 1.0746 0.03235 67 62 5 0
7430 Five new hairstyles to light up your love life! this magazine says. Sheesh! YOU try it! 1.0746 0.03235 67 62 5 0
7431 I'm always the rebound guy after a girl gets dumped." 1.0746 0.03871 67 63 3 1
7432 I just can’t get over the Sunday night blues 1.0746 0.03235 67 62 5 0
7433 I know it’s just another season change but it’s hard to not take it personally 1.0746 0.03235 67 62 5 0
7434 It’s not brown because I’ve had my head up my ass, it’s CHOCOLATE—why won’t anyone believe me? 1.0746 0.03235 67 62 5 0
7435 It was total carnage. I can still hear ‘Pop Goes The Weasel’… 1.0746 0.03871 67 63 3 1
7436 I don’t know Doc, I just feel like I’m always on the verge of a meltdown. 1.0746 0.03235 67 62 5 0
7437 And I have brain freeze on top of it all. 1.0746 0.03235 67 62 5 0
7438 I feel life is going smoothly but then comes a twist Frank Buckley Andover MA 1.0741 0.03415 81 76 4 1
7439 After my few moments of fame from the SNL sketches, I've had no job offers. 1.0741 0.03415 81 76 4 1
7440 I need to think about what's right for ME-gurt 1.0741 0.03415 81 76 4 1
7441 'At the door, she turned and said, "I used to enjoy the swirl," and then she was gone...' 1.0741 0.03597 54 50 4 0
7442 You want me to eat it? You must be out of your mind. 1.0741 0.02928 81 75 6 0
7443 It’s like all this stuff just keeps on swirling around… 1.0741 0.02928 81 75 6 0
7444 It’s supposed to be 31 flavors… 31! 1.0741 0.02928 81 75 6 0
7445 Ever since the banana split, I've grown soft. 1.0735 0.03189 68 63 5 0
7446 Of course you're sad. Many of the cones I see suffer from Seasonal Attitude Disorder 1.0735 0.03815 68 64 3 1
7447 . . . and on top of everything, I feel like I have an ice cream headache. 1.0735 0.03189 68 63 5 0
7448 Why does my wife say I 1.0735 0.03189 68 63 5 0
7449 I felt neglected as a child and now I must confront the pain that my parents always wanted a Waffle Cone. 1.0735 0.03189 68 63 5 0
7450 You scream. They scream. Everyone screams for ice cream. I can’t take the pressure anymore 1.0735 0.03189 68 63 5 0
7451 I think it's a chronic brain freeze that's paralyzing me. 1.0735 0.03189 68 63 5 0
7452 Well, Mr Softserve, we’re seeing a lot of that these days. You’re a product of your environment. 1.0735 0.04353 68 65 1 2
7453 I don’t understand why everyone calls me Beldar. My name is Frank. 1.0735 0.03189 68 63 5 0
7454 I don't understand why I'm different from other coneheads. 1.0735 0.03189 68 63 5 0
7455 Sometimes, I feel like my life is too vanilla. 1.0735 0.03189 68 63 5 0
7456 Symptoms started when I started to reduce sugar in my diet. 1.0735 0.03189 68 63 5 0
7457 I had no idea this would happen when I challenged the IRS on double dipping. 1.0735 0.03189 68 63 5 0
7458 Doc, you gotta help me--the brain freeze is never ending... 1.0735 0.03189 68 63 5 0
7459 She said she soft served me the divorce papers because she was trying to be nice. 1.0735 0.03815 68 64 3 1
7460 It really feels like a cone of shame. 1.0735 0.03189 68 63 5 0
7461 So parents are now telling kids that the ice cream truck music plays when we’re OUT of ice cream… 1.0735 0.03189 68 63 5 0
7462 I’m not sure exactly how to describe it…it’s like every time I think about her, I get a brain freeze. 1.0735 0.03189 68 63 5 0
7463 The screaming is such a rush. But then I am left feeling alone and in a dark place”” 1.0735 0.03189 68 63 5 0
7464 I just can’t seem to meet anyone— Maybe I need to seriously consider re-branding. 1.0735 0.03189 68 63 5 0
7465 Because I'm known as Mister Softie everyone takes advantage of me 1.0732 0.02894 82 76 6 0
7466 And, then the writers' strike canceled my Conehead debut on SNL, and now I'm literally melting because, you know, climate change... 1.0732 0.02894 82 76 6 0
7467 I feel like a failure because I never made it to Saturday Night Live 1.0732 0.02894 82 76 6 0
7468 no one ever asks me if I’m screaming! 1.0732 0.03374 82 77 4 1
7469 This persistent brain freeze is just unshakable, doc. 1.0732 0.03794 82 78 2 2
7470 My feelings on this are as soft as my serve 1.0732 0.02894 82 76 6 0
7471 My new social group, The Onion Heads, is adamant about promoting the group. 1.0727 0.04384 55 52 2 1
7472 I don't usually say this to my patients, but you won't survive another meltdown. 1.0727 0.04384 55 52 2 1
7473 Well, Doc - how would it make YOU feel if everyone called you "Dip?" 1.0727 0.05095 55 53 0 2
7474 I don't know Doc but lately I've been getting brain freeze. 1.0725 0.03144 69 64 5 0
7475 I give everyone what they want, but when do I get a lick? 1.0725 0.03144 69 64 5 0
7476 But, I dunno, maybe I like being vanilla? 1.0725 0.03144 69 64 5 0
7477 In our last session you said 'revenge is a scoop best served cold.' Tell me more about that. 1.0725 0.03144 69 64 5 0
7478 I’m so afraid of it melting. 1.0725 0.03144 69 64 5 0
7479 Eggheads... Yes... Coneheads...No...or Should that be vice versa? 1.0725 0.03144 69 64 5 0
7480 I've had a lot on my mind lately. 1.0725 0.03144 69 64 5 0
7481 Everyone's always trying to lick me! 1.0725 0.03144 69 64 5 0
7482 I just don't like being licked." Howie Lipstein, Suffern, N 1.0725 0.03144 69 64 5 0
7483 Hope I qualify for the soft serve line of questioning. 1.0725 0.03144 69 64 5 0
7484 I suspect being known as Mr. Softee has not helped my love life. 1.0725 0.03144 69 64 5 0
7485 In my dream I was a little boy again begging my mother for a cherry on top and she wouldn't give me one. 1.0725 0.03144 69 64 5 0
7486 They keep telling me I'm too frosty, doc. I can't take it anymore, it's almost as if they want a piece of me! 1.0725 0.03761 69 65 3 1
7487 She says that just looking at me makes her feel flat. 1.0725 0.03144 69 64 5 0
7488 I kept hearing him say ‘which doctor’ but later I realized he was saying w-i-t-c-h doctor. 1.0725 0.03144 69 64 5 0
7489 I really want to succeed in the corporate world, but fast food seems to be where I belong. 1.0725 0.03144 69 64 5 0
7490 If one more person asks for sprinkles, I swear my head will go SPLAT! 1.0723 0.02860 83 77 6 0
7491 i’m afraid of having a meltdown again. i really lost my head 1.0723 0.02860 83 77 6 0
7492 They always ask me the same thing: 'Are you chocolate or vanilla?' I can't take it anymore! 1.0723 0.02860 83 77 6 0
7493 Do I deny my roots when I don't scream? Maybe I'm way to soft to belong. 1.0723 0.02860 83 77 6 0
7494 She always questions my integrity saying I’m like a slow moving truck, full of sweets, proudly parading myself in every neighborhood we visit” 1.0723 0.03334 83 78 4 1
7495 Women keep telling me that I’m cold and that I lose my cool easily 1.0722 0.02641 97 90 7 0
7496 I don't know, Doc. Whenever I start to tell her how I feel I suddenly get this brain freeze . . ." 1.0714 0.03100 70 65 5 0
7497 Let's face it Mr Softee is not the best name when you're on the dating apps. 1.0714 0.03295 84 79 4 1
7498 Women are always telling me I’m too soft. 1.0714 0.03100 70 65 5 0
7499 Is this the hole I screwed up through or must drill into? 1.0714 0.03100 70 65 5 0
7500 I don't know, Doc, it's just been a rocky road recently 1.0714 0.03100 70 65 5 0
7501 They call me MISTER Frosty. 1.0714 0.03100 70 65 5 0
7502 We agreed to ethical non-monogamy but she started dabbling with Dairy Queen and it was the last straw! 1.0714 0.04230 70 67 1 2
7503 For years, this same tune keeps looping round and round in my head and I just can't seem to shake it off. 1.0714 0.03100 70 65 5 0
7504 Climate scientists are reporting that global warming has put Mr Softees on the endangered list , and that curtain is letting in some sun 1.0714 0.03295 84 79 4 1
7505 I was doing fine until someone told me that "Softy" is an insult 1.0714 0.03100 70 65 5 0
7506 You’ve got to help me. I keep hearing the same song playing over and over again in my head. 1.0714 0.03100 70 65 5 0
7507 People always think I have a cool head, but on the inside I'm melting apart 1.0714 0.03473 56 52 4 0
7508 Why do i always have a brain freeze? 1.0714 0.03473 56 52 4 0
7509 I just feel like everything is twisted around. 1.0714 0.03100 70 65 5 0
7510 It was all over her hands before she even put me in her mouth 1.0714 0.03100 70 65 5 0
7511 Nah hold up, my bad for the interruption. I just noticed you got an ice cream for a head. . . . That’s weird. . . Anyways continue talking about your failing marriage or whatever you were blabbering about” 1.0714 0.03473 56 52 4 0
7512 They demand “Vanilla, Vanilla, Vanilla.” I just wish they could look at me and see Mint Chocolate Chip. 1.0714 0.03473 56 52 4 0
7513 Everything is so black&white. Maybe with some sprinklers I'll feel happier. 1.0714 0.03473 56 52 4 0
7514 People always accuse me of hustling them at my tennis club. But whatever assumptions they make are not my fault!! 1.0714 0.03100 70 65 5 0
7515 It’s sad really; over 1 billion served but only a fraction of those served the ice cream they ordered. 1.0714 0.04307 56 53 2 1
7516 So how many frosties are you doing a day? 1.0714 0.03100 70 65 5 0
7517 I had that dream where I’ve been dropped on the sidewalk. I think it has to do with feelings of inadequacy due to my mother’s intolerance of lactose. 1.0714 0.03295 84 79 4 1
7518 Everyone thinks I'm such a Softee. 1.0706 0.03257 85 80 4 1
7519 You keep telling me, "set boundaries", "stand up for yourself", "don't be such a people pleaser". Just say it: you think I'm a big softie. 1.0706 0.02795 85 79 6 0
7520 I know I'm Mr. Softee, but just once I want to be Mr. Handsome. 1.0706 0.02795 85 79 6 0
7521 I just don't know if these recent panic attacks are emanating from my childhood or the recent heat waves. 1.0704 0.03058 71 66 5 0
7522 So, how long have you had this obsession with soft ice cream ? 1.0704 0.03058 71 66 5 0
7523 Please help me understand why no woman wants to date me... 1.0704 0.03657 71 67 3 1
7524 Dripping with ideas took on added meaning. 1.0704 0.03657 71 67 3 1
7525 ....so how much oil did you mean to sell???? 1.0704 0.03058 71 66 5 0
7526 They used to call me "Mr. "Softy" but now they're saying that's too "woke" 1.0704 0.03657 71 67 3 1
7527 It all started when I asked for extra sprinkles. Now I am a swirl of emotions. 1.0704 0.03058 71 66 5 0
7528 I know when I'm licked Art Rosenbloom New York, N.Y. 1.0704 0.03058 71 66 5 0
7529 Doctor I constantly feel cold and twisted with the dreadful fear of having a meltdown. 1.0704 0.03058 71 66 5 0
7530 I’m afraid of the sun. 1.0704 0.03058 71 66 5 0
7531 I'm sick of people calling out "Hey, Beldare! How's France?" 1.0704 0.03058 71 66 5 0
7532 Well... It's kind of a long story. My uncle was Tom Carvel. Ya ever hear of him? 1.0704 0.03058 71 66 5 0
7533 I’m getting soft on my subordinates at work and I can’t figure out why. 1.0704 0.03058 71 66 5 0
7534 i think all the reality tv is melting my brain 1.0704 0.03058 71 66 5 0
7535 I'm afraid of becoming a hothead because of global warming. 1.0704 0.03657 71 67 3 1
7536 No matter what you say, I still feel like vanilla. 1.0704 0.03657 71 67 3 1
7537 Why do I get frosty every time I hear a bell ring? 1.0704 0.03657 71 67 3 1
7538 Sometimes when I talk to people, I just freeze. What is it?” “ it’s just AnxICEty: it happens to soft people 1.0704 0.03058 71 66 5 0
7539 Doctor, and then he LICKED me! I just couldn't believe it. 1.0704 0.03657 71 67 3 1
7540 It all started when the Coneheads got it wrong on SNL. 1.0704 0.03058 71 66 5 0
7541 They were the ones that made me so they know i’m soft served, yet they still hold it against 1.0704 0.03657 71 67 3 1
7542 I have an overabundance of pronouns. 1.0702 0.03413 57 53 4 0
7543 No. That was a different Dan Aykroyd movie. 1.0702 0.03413 57 53 4 0
7544 How do I shake this feeling of being soft and servile? 1.0702 0.03413 57 53 4 0
7545 My mother never gave me enough milk. 1.0698 0.02763 86 80 6 0
7546 My depression began when I was rejected by ‘Saturday Night Live’ for being the wrong type of Conehead. 1.0698 0.02763 86 80 6 0
7547 People only like me when I'm self-serving and cold. 1.0694 0.03017 72 67 5 0
7548 My doctor said to use ice for my migraines, but I only had these cones in the freezer. Now my head looks like one! 1.0694 0.03017 72 67 5 0
7549 Feels like my head is swirling 1.0694 0.03017 72 67 5 0
7550 I need guidance on how to be assertive 1.0694 0.03017 72 67 5 0
7551 I hear this constant ringing in my head. 1.0694 0.03017 72 67 5 0
7552 It's bad to be called "cone head." It's worse to be called a "cake cone head with a spit curl." 1.0694 0.03017 72 67 5 0
7553 I think all this internet news is hardening me. 1.0694 0.03607 72 68 3 1
7554 The constant buzzing is wearing me out. 1.0694 0.03607 72 68 3 1
7555 People look at me with disgust. They hate Soft Serv. 1.0694 0.03017 72 67 5 0
7556 But I'm not a man, I'm an ice-cream cone! 1.0694 0.03017 72 67 5 0
7557 Your "eye rug" keeps staring at my cone head!. 1.0694 0.03017 72 67 5 0
7558 Sometimes, I just feel like my brain is numb to everything... 1.0694 0.03017 72 67 5 0
7559 I dunno doc, lately I’ve just been feeling like something inside me has been melting away. 1.0694 0.03017 72 67 5 0
7560 My inner kiddie scoop is melting. 1.0694 0.04114 72 69 1 2
7561 They surrounded me and kept screaming that I caused the obesity epidemic. Then they chased me and pelted me with what tasted like a matcha/kale blend for 5 kilometers. I live in constant fear. 1.0694 0.03607 72 68 3 1
7562 Sometimes I freeze in big moments 1.0690 0.03356 58 54 4 0
7563 And then she called me“Mr. Softee” 1.0690 0.03356 58 54 4 0
7564 I can’t win. My partner says I’m and too soft yet somehow also too cold 1.0690 0.04161 58 55 2 1
7565 I’m worried, Doc. My freeze has lost its taste. 1.0690 0.03356 58 54 4 0
7566 I would describe it as brain freeze. 1.0690 0.04161 58 55 2 1
7567 Would living in the freezer help my distress? 1.0690 0.03356 58 54 4 0
7568 In my dream, a bully pushes my head into a toilet filled with liquid chocolate. 1.0690 0.03356 58 54 4 0
7569 I could have been a star, but Loren Michaels didn't like my hairdo. 1.0690 0.03356 58 54 4 0
7570 And it was then that my father melted. 1.0690 0.03356 58 54 4 0
7571 Even when they exclaim how sweet I am it just leaves me cold. 1.0685 0.02977 73 68 5 0
7572 The truth is, I never felt all that Tastee… 1.0685 0.02977 73 68 5 0
7573 Why does everyone think I"m a little soft in the head? 1.0685 0.02977 73 68 5 0
7574 The fear of a meltdown exists in all of us. I scream, you scream, we all scream sometimes." 1.0685 0.02977 73 68 5 0
7575 Here’s the scoop, doc—no matter how hard I try, everyone accuses me of being a softy! 1.0685 0.02977 73 68 5 0
7576 Everyone thinks I have it licked. 1.0685 0.02977 73 68 5 0
7577 Doc, I've started feeling sooo slushy! 1.0685 0.02977 73 68 5 0
7578 It’s a genetic mutation. My parents Beldar and Pryymat were normal. 1.0685 0.02977 73 68 5 0
7579 I listened to Turkey In The Straw so much that it’s taken over my life. 1.0685 0.02977 73 68 5 0
7580 I've just keep having this dream Doc where the machine is out of soft serve, and then I realize... I'm the cone. Then I wake up screaming 'where is my mind?' 1.0685 0.02977 73 68 5 0
7581 i dunno, lately my serve hasn’t felt so soft 1.0685 0.04059 73 70 1 2
7582 But I want to be Mrs. Frosty not Mr.! 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
7583 She called me vanilla. 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
7584 I mean, who can compete with sprinkles? 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
7585 Yes, I do resent being called a dairy queen. 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
7586 Dr., I think I am on the verge of a meltdown. 1.0678 0.04092 59 56 2 1
7587 Doctor, is it toxic masculinity if I just want to be her Dairy King, despite the rules of soft-serve succession? 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
7588 Summer’s over and I’m heading back into hibernation 1.0678 0.03301 59 55 4 0
7589 Are you sure my brain freeze is not a sign of dementia? 1.0676 0.02938 74 69 5 0
7590 I asked the genie for a scoop. He said my head looked like a cone. 1.0676 0.03512 74 70 3 1
7591 My girlfriend complains that I'm always a SOFTY." 1.0676 0.02938 74 69 5 0
7592 My girlfriend says I’m too vanilla in bed. 1.0676 0.02938 74 69 5 0
7593 Even in the summer sun,I get brain freeze. 1.0676 0.02938 74 69 5 0
7594 And then she said she didn't want me hanging around any more. 1.0676 0.02938 74 69 5 0
7595 She said she's a sugar cone with sprinkles kind of woman. She's so limited. And yet it hurts so much. 1.0676 0.03512 74 70 3 1
7596 When they find out its styrofoam they shun me. 1.0676 0.02938 74 69 5 0
7597 Dr., I don't know why, but women and all their licks up there - just leave me cold. 1.0676 0.02938 74 69 5 0
7598 It was glue. And now I'm stuck with it. 1.0676 0.03512 74 70 3 1
7599 I've lost all my friends, they all say I'm too soft 1.0676 0.02938 74 69 5 0
7600 I can’t help feeling like Dan Akroyd! 1.0676 0.03512 74 70 3 1
7601 They say they’re screaming *for* me, but sometimes it really feels like they’re screaming *at* me… 1.0676 0.02938 74 69 5 0
7602 No matter how hard I try, I can’t find a date… 1.0667 0.03247 60 56 4 0
7603 I feel my brain is going soft. 1.0667 0.03466 75 71 3 1
7604 Cone head, wet brain, I've heard it all 1.0667 0.04024 60 57 2 1
7605 I't's hard being alone. I want one. 1.0667 0.03466 75 71 3 1
7606 Whenever it rains, I wish it would just sprinkle in rainbow colors. 1.0667 0.03247 60 56 4 0
7607 With a name like Mister Softee, how can I ever get a date? 1.0667 0.02900 75 70 5 0
7608 Can we call it a day? These questions are giving me brainfreeze. 1.0667 0.02900 75 70 5 0
7609 Tell me about your mother…It says here she was a Diary Queen. 1.0667 0.03247 60 56 4 0
7610 I truly get a sense of unconditional positive regard from you. 1.0667 0.03466 75 71 3 1
7611 The brain freeze name-calling is bad enough, but the head licking crosses the line. 1.0667 0.03247 60 56 4 0
7612 I keep dreaming someone is dipping me in a vat of chocolate 1.0667 0.03247 60 56 4 0
7613 I thought being a people pleaser can make me happy, but I still can’t make everyone happy. 1.0667 0.03247 60 56 4 0
7614 Where should I begin? Well, for starters, everyone calls me ‘cone head’ 1.0667 0.02900 75 70 5 0
7615 It all comes down to who’s got the most cookie dough in the end, I guess 1.0667 0.03247 60 56 4 0
7616 Of course, my parents maintained that I was destined to become a king cone 1.0667 0.03247 60 56 4 0
7617 As a child, I was teased unmercifully at tennis camp. 1.0667 0.03247 60 56 4 0
7618 They said, “no brain, no pain” but this is ridiculous. 1.0667 0.04024 60 57 2 1
7619 So I have these voices swirling around my head… some are like vanilla. Others, chocolate 1.0667 0.03247 60 56 4 0
7620 Well Doc, I have this licker problem...... 1.0658 0.03421 76 72 3 1
7621 My friends say I'm hot-headed but I don't think so. 1.0658 0.02863 76 71 5 0
7622 This guy is all in. All I had to do was a grow beard for more credibility . 1.0658 0.02863 76 71 5 0
7623 Donald Trump ruins everything . . . even me! 1.0658 0.02863 76 71 5 0
7624 I feel like my mind is always in a swirl. 1.0658 0.02863 76 71 5 0
7625 Ice cream cone heads are from Northern France. 1.0658 0.02863 76 71 5 0
7626 I’ve been told I should meet a conehead. 1.0658 0.02863 76 71 5 0
7627 I can't help it – I feel like my mind is spiraling. 1.0658 0.02863 76 71 5 0
7628 Watching Fox has turned my brains to mush. 1.0658 0.02863 76 71 5 0
7629 Every year it is the same, the leaves change, the days are shorter, and I start to question my purpose in life 1.0658 0.02863 76 71 5 0
7630 Then she said, 'You head's not screwed on tight.' 1.0658 0.02863 76 71 5 0
7631 I just don’t know why they wouldn’t have me, at Devo! 🥺 1.0658 0.02863 76 71 5 0
7632 Everyone says I look to stupid in this hat but I can’t go out without it! 1.0656 0.03959 61 58 2 1
7633 I feel like the sweet things in life are out of reach. 1.0656 0.03196 61 57 4 0
7634 Doctor, I think this anxiety medication has some side effects. I could swear I have an ice cream headache. 1.0656 0.03196 61 57 4 0
7635 I'm always licked before I even start. 1.0656 0.03196 61 57 4 0
7636 It was horrible, I saw "Ole Chocolaty" being eaten right in front of my eyes. 1.0656 0.03196 61 57 4 0
7637 Doc, it's so difficult. People want me to be so many things, chocolate dipped or with sprinkles. No one can accept me just being plain. 1.0656 0.03196 61 57 4 0
7638 When the cosmetic surgeon said, “Conehead,” I thought surgery would get me a spot on Saturday Night Live. 1.0656 0.03196 61 57 4 0
7639 I'm telling you, doctor, brain freeze is real, not just something in your head. 1.0656 0.03196 61 57 4 0
7640 I can't shake the feeling that people think I'm soft in the head. 1.0656 0.03196 61 57 4 0
7641 My wife complains that I come in only one flavor. 1.0656 0.03959 61 58 2 1
7642 It's when they began calling me "Mr. Softee." That really hurt. 1.0656 0.03196 61 57 4 0
7643 Game over 1.0656 0.03196 61 57 4 0
7644 There’s nothing wrong with being a big softie 1.0656 0.03196 61 57 4 0
7645 Nobody asks Mr Whippy, “how are you feeling today?” 1.0656 0.03196 61 57 4 0
7646 I'm more than just a white popular dessert 1.0656 0.03196 61 57 4 0
7647 The double dipping…always the dipping. 1.0649 0.02827 77 72 5 0
7648 Don't get me wrong, I'd like to be more assertive. 1.0649 0.03377 77 73 3 1
7649 I don’t know why I can’t get Dan Ackroyd out of my mind 1.0649 0.03377 77 73 3 1
7650 So the language was colorful? I’m rich, I said, not vanilla. 1.0649 0.02827 77 72 5 0
7651 Doc, I wear the hat to get a good grade afterwards. 1.0649 0.02827 77 72 5 0
7652 The Man in the Hat (Who thought he was a Cat) 1.0649 0.02827 77 72 5 0
7653 It was all going well until I lost my sprinkles 1.0649 0.02827 77 72 5 0
7654 My mother-in-law is a profiterole. 1.0649 0.02827 77 72 5 0
7655 There was never any real warmth in our relationship. 1.0649 0.02827 77 72 5 0
7656 It's like, like, everyone is ghosting me... 1.0649 0.02827 77 72 5 0
7657 I know we're not doing Rorschach tests today, but what's up with your rug, dude? It looks like a rogue protozoa. 1.0645 0.03145 62 58 4 0
7658 I am delicious...but is that all there is? 1.0645 0.03145 62 58 4 0
7659 I feel so guilty! When I proposed to her she was so happy, she just melted! 1.0645 0.03145 62 58 4 0
7660 It's a fallacy, I don't always prevail 1.0645 0.03896 62 59 2 1
7661 I think I am about to have a melt down, Doc! 1.0645 0.03896 62 59 2 1
7662 My name is Coney and I've been lactose free for 30 days now. 1.0645 0.03896 62 59 2 1
7663 Again, it made me eat the ice cream too fast and it went right to my head. 1.0645 0.03145 62 58 4 0
7664 So, what's my problem, Doc? Brain Freeze, or Cone Head? 1.0645 0.03145 62 58 4 0
7665 I just can't take it anymore.... all the Conehead comments & I Scream jokes.... they're literally melting my mind! 1.0645 0.03896 62 59 2 1
7666 'I don't mind the snickering. It's the licking that's getting to me." 1.0645 0.03145 62 58 4 0
7667 Since Summer is over, and I will be ignored, it enforces my anxiety thst my mother really wanting me to be chocolate 1.0645 0.03145 62 58 4 0
7668 Why COULDN'T I have been a chocolate mousse?!? 1.0645 0.03145 62 58 4 0
7669 It's hard to stay cool when strangers keep trying to lick my hair 1.0645 0.03145 62 58 4 0
7670 You should be thankful," she said, "other people have shit for brains. 1.0645 0.03145 62 58 4 0
7671 How do you felt, Sundae?". "Better than monday, doc" 1.0645 0.03145 62 58 4 0
7672 I just don't know why everyone loves my wife, but they pretend I don't exist. 1.0641 0.02791 78 73 5 0
7673 I really can't understand why folks keep calling me a Conehead. 1.0641 0.03335 78 74 3 1
7674 Everyone I date tells me they're lactose free. I'm beginning to think they're all lying. 1.0641 0.03335 78 74 3 1
7675 Typecasting. I auditioned for Saturday Night Live only to be told that there were no more conehead episodes. 1.0635 0.03097 63 59 4 0
7676 In the end, they used me as a cheap celebration for letters on a report card. 1.0635 0.03835 63 60 2 1
7677 Everyone loves the coneheads, but cupheads have feelings too, you know. 1.0635 0.03097 63 59 4 0
7678 I resent everyone coming to me when there's trouble just because I have a cool head. 1.0635 0.03835 63 60 2 1
7679 I’m trying to allow myself to be more vulnerable, but it’s winter… 1.0635 0.03097 63 59 4 0
7680 I'm an Ice Cream Guy just like Biden call's himself. I see no problem. 1.0635 0.03097 63 59 4 0
7681 It was an NGO sponsored tour with two Bull Mastiffs for "Canine Hygiene" but we ran out of funding before hitting the Big Apple. 1.0635 0.04453 63 61 0 2
7682 How do I transition past the soft-serve stage? I desire a fulfilling love life. 1.0635 0.03097 63 59 4 0
7683 So, that's how you got all twisted! 1.0635 0.03097 63 59 4 0
7684 You know it’s hard being know as the person everyone expects to have a cool head, I get angry too 1.0635 0.03097 63 59 4 0
7685 Is that too many kinks? I don’t want to seem too vanilla 1.0635 0.03097 63 59 4 0
7686 Uh, the constant swirling of my head! 1.0635 0.03097 63 59 4 0
7687 I feel like people only like me because of all my videos on TikTok. 1.0635 0.03835 63 60 2 1
7688 When people look at me I see hunger and delight in their eyes. But then I get brain freeze." 1.0635 0.03097 63 59 4 0
7689 It's driving me crazy. All I dream about is losing weight. 1.0635 0.03097 63 59 4 0
7690 Doc, lately, I have the sensation that my brain is frozen, and I have a strange vanilla flavor in my mouth. Do you think I am becoming delusional? 1.0635 0.03097 63 59 4 0
7691 Coneheads are so pasé. 1.0635 0.03097 63 59 4 0
7692 I don’t understand why everyone thinks I’m such a softee. 1.0635 0.03097 63 59 4 0
7693 It’s like I get a brain freeze when people say “I’m too vanilla”. 1.0635 0.03097 63 59 4 0
7694 My thoughts just swirl through my mind, and I can’t seem to stop… 1.0635 0.03097 63 59 4 0
7695 I think it all goes back to my childhood bully. My last therapist called it Post Traumatic Swirly Disorder. 1.0635 0.03835 63 60 2 1
7696 She said I was too cold, am i too cold Doc? 1.0635 0.03097 63 59 4 0
7697 I feel like I'm having a brain freeze moment in my life now 1.0635 0.03097 63 59 4 0
7698 Me when someone tells me sprinkles don't belong on ice cream 1.0633 0.02757 79 74 5 0
7699 I see, Mr. Buffet, Dairy Queen gives you a headache. 1.0633 0.02757 79 74 5 0
7700 I hate being called 'soft serve' -- it's ruining my tennis rep. 1.0633 0.02757 79 74 5 0
7701 Dr: And how does that make you feel? Patient: Like I have a cold soft served sugar head rush Dr:Which makes you feel? Patient: Chocolatey 1.0633 0.02757 79 74 5 0
7702 I just get so depressed when people call me a softy. 1.0625 0.03050 64 60 4 0
7703 People always assume that I can't get tough if I need to. 1.0625 0.02723 80 75 5 0
7704 “People just don’t realize how hard it is to be soft-serve in a warming world!” 1.0625 0.03531 48 45 3 0
7705 I wouldn’t be anyone’s favorite frozen treat if they knew how many times I’ve sat alone in my room and melted uncontrollably… 1.0625 0.03050 64 60 4 0
7706 Some days I feel like chocolate, but today I’m totally vanilla. 1.0625 0.03050 64 60 4 0
7707 i do'nt know why my family says i'm a softee' 1.0625 0.03050 64 60 4 0
7708 Ever since the movie I wanted to be a cone head. I just didn’t know there were options. 1.0625 0.03050 64 60 4 0
7709 The constant SNL references are grinding but calling me a drip or a softie really goes straight to the cone! 1.0625 0.03050 64 60 4 0
7710 Can you turn down the temperature, doc, I'm starting to melt. 1.0625 0.03050 64 60 4 0
7711 People say I’m too cold and too soft.” Bob Heiss, Washington, D 1.0625 0.03050 64 60 4 0
7712 It’s like I am in a state of perpetual brain freeze. 1.0625 0.03050 64 60 4 0
7713 I suffer from migraines but everyone tells me it's all in my head. 1.0625 0.03776 64 61 2 1
7714 My mother was sweet but cold and my father, well, what did he do to that ice cream?!? 1.0625 0.03776 64 61 2 1
7715 I identify with the Coneheads, they come from France. 1.0625 0.03050 64 60 4 0
7716 I believe what you are experiencing is brain freeze. 1.0625 0.02723 80 75 5 0
7717 You see, Doc, life's just one big brain freeze for me! 1.0625 0.03050 64 60 4 0
7718 I never should’ve googled the dairy industry. 1.0625 0.02723 80 75 5 0
7719 I need something for the freeze head. 1.0625 0.03050 64 60 4 0
7720 What happened to Gary Scooper? The strong, silent type. That was an Icecream. He wasn't in touch with his feelings. He just did what he had to do.” - Coney Sopran 1.0625 0.03776 64 61 2 1
7721 Never got over Lorne Michaels killing “ice cream cone heads” SNL sketch. Woulda been sweet” 1.0625 0.03050 64 60 4 0
7722 She says I always give her a headache 1.0625 0.03050 64 60 4 0
7723 It's the same thing every year. Everything goes great for a few months and then they don't want me anymore. I'm so tired of just being somebody's summer fling. 1.0625 0.02723 80 75 5 0
7724 What she said just keeps swirling around in my head. I cone stop thinking about it. 1.0625 0.02723 80 75 5 0
7725 I’m not custard. I’m not soft serve. I’m frozen yogurt. Of course she wouldn’t want to date a guy like me! 1.0625 0.03776 64 61 2 1
7726 I keep telling them - no egg yolks!! 1.0617 0.02691 81 76 5 0
7727 And me batieron hasta punto de turrón, do you know what i mean, ve? Thats why i come 1.0617 0.02691 81 76 5 0
7728 ... And the doves' poo? I'm not even plain vanilla any more... 1.0615 0.03004 65 61 4 0
7729 None of the have any idea what those sprinkles do to my brain 1.0615 0.03004 65 61 4 0
7730 Now I know how women feel only EVERYONE objectifies me! 1.0615 0.03004 65 61 4 0
7731 They all screamed AT ice cream. 1.0615 0.03719 65 62 2 1
7732 I started my career as Sprinkles the Conehead,but I perform as Mr. Softserve now 1.0615 0.03004 65 61 4 0
7733 Why can't I admit that I enjoy vanilla privilege? 1.0615 0.03004 65 61 4 0
7734 Over and over and over again, it's the same song ringing in my head 1.0615 0.03004 65 61 4 0
7735 I always thought I was a hard guy with a condom on my head; Now I realize I'm just vanilla soft serve. 1.0615 0.03719 65 62 2 1
7736 People at work have been bullying me and calling me a "woos"! 1.0615 0.03004 65 61 4 0
7737 Doctor, I just can't understand why my the rest of my family doesn't accept me? 1.0615 0.03719 65 62 2 1
7738 Yes, it is still melting. I will stop drinking the hot tea. But I can’t do anything about the global warming nor the war! 1.0615 0.03004 65 61 4 0
7739 I just keep feeling like a conehead! 1.0610 0.02659 82 77 5 0
7740 My mother always said I was soft in the head. 1.0610 0.02659 82 77 5 0
7741 I'm not THE creemee, I'm just me. 1.0610 0.02659 82 77 5 0
7742 I’m not only Lactose Intolerant, I also have SillyAss Disease. 1.0606 0.03663 66 63 2 1
7743 When I hear people say they have 'brain freeze,' they have no idea. 1.0606 0.03663 66 63 2 1
7744 I really am trying to be less intolerant 1.0606 0.03663 66 63 2 1
7745 Tell me, doctor, what are YOUR problems? 1.0606 0.02960 66 62 4 0
7746 What the hell happened to boundaries in this society? 1.0606 0.03663 66 63 2 1
7747 I have all these thoughts, they're just swirling around in my head! 1.0606 0.02960 66 62 4 0
7748 Everyone is leaking me, I just feel like the boss on a GOP party!! 1.0606 0.02960 66 62 4 0
7749 I have this recurring dream. Children keep eating my hair, then biting into my head. 1.0606 0.02960 66 62 4 0
7750 It was fine when the Coneheads were popular on Saturday Night Live 1.0606 0.02960 66 62 4 0
7751 I've been doing good, keeping out of the sun, staying cool. 1.0606 0.02960 66 62 4 0
7752 And how long have you felt like the Emperor of Ice-Cream? 1.0606 0.03663 66 63 2 1
7753 …sooo many toppings I can’t choose!” 1.0606 0.02960 66 62 4 0
7754 When did you start feeling too vanilla? 1.0606 0.03663 66 63 2 1
7755 I'm still having that dream where I'm a praying mantis... 1.0597 0.02916 67 63 4 0
7756 No one takes me seriously since I started using this ice cream rinse. 1.0597 0.02916 67 63 4 0
7757 I found the sleeping therapy very relaxing ,what did you get out of it? 1.0597 0.02916 67 63 4 0
7758 My mother says she's the only Mrs. Softee I'll ever need. 1.0597 0.02916 67 63 4 0
7759 I lost the 'Ghostbusters' contest! 1.0597 0.02916 67 63 4 0
7760 …and my friends are saying I’m a cone-head. What do you think, Doc? 1.0597 0.02916 67 63 4 0
7761 In the nightmare my head is melting. 1.0597 0.02916 67 63 4 0
7762 My mother wouldn't give me the sprinkles I so desperately craved. 1.0597 0.03609 67 64 2 1
7763 The dream is always the same…… I’m in the desert, melting……and…and …. the soft serve machine is not working…… again…. 1.0597 0.02916 67 63 4 0
7764 'I just wish I could be hot headed for once' 1.0597 0.02916 67 63 4 0
7765 At least you have something to do around this season. It's all apple cider and pumpkin flavored anything once fall comes around and no one wants a good old-fashioned ice cream cone anymore. 1.0588 0.02875 68 64 4 0
7766 Why don’t I have a Cherry, you know for on top? 1.0588 0.03557 68 65 2 1
7767 I keep getting licked over and over, doc! I’m too soft. My only luck is my good taste. 1.0588 0.02875 68 64 4 0
7768 I want to have these sessions in an ice box. 1.0588 0.02875 68 64 4 0
7769 How can I be intimate with this constant brain freeze? 1.0588 0.02875 68 64 4 0
7770 If global temperatures raise 1.5° c do you think my brain freeze will go away? 1.0588 0.02875 68 64 4 0
7771 Tell you the truth Doc. I thught the can said foamy whipcream not foamy insulation. 1.0588 0.03557 68 65 2 1
7772 Can I offer you some Carvel, may I suggest a “Brown Bonnet “ 1.0588 0.02875 68 64 4 0
7773 Everyone keeps confusing me with that other guy. CONE-ald Trump. 1.0588 0.02875 68 64 4 0
7774 Honestly Dr. Freeze, I just wanna dip. 1.0588 0.02875 68 64 4 0
7775 Everyone keeps telling me I’m soft in the head. And sometimes I feel I’ll get so mad that I’ll respond by melting down. 1.0588 0.02875 68 64 4 0
7776 My father said I may not be a cream puff but I'd either end up getting a licking or turn into a big drip. 1.0588 0.02875 68 64 4 0
7777 I can’t say no , I’m too sweet 1.0588 0.02875 68 64 4 0
7778 It's not my fault that I'm a bipolar flavor 1.0588 0.02875 68 64 4 0
7779 So.... Waking from anxious dreams, I discovered I had been turned into an irresistible frozen treat 1.0588 0.03557 68 65 2 1
7780 I try to keep a cool head about things, but sometimes I get so mad I could melt! 1.0581 0.02538 86 81 5 0
7781 I was never invited to be on SNL. 1.0581 0.02538 86 81 5 0
7782 My mother always told me I was a softee. 1.0580 0.02834 69 65 4 0
7783 Even my kids say I've become too much of a "softie." 1.0580 0.02834 69 65 4 0
7784 Doc, I constantly feel like I have brain freeze. 1.0580 0.02834 69 65 4 0
7785 My friends just don’t understand how debilitating my brain freezes can be. 1.0580 0.03506 69 66 2 1
7786 Why is everyone so down on brain-freeze? 1.0580 0.02834 69 65 4 0
7787 If I see another tongue coming at my head, I'm going to melt. 1.0580 0.02834 69 65 4 0
7788 Lately, I just feel like I have brain freeze 24-7. 1.0580 0.02834 69 65 4 0
7789 I hate to be a drip, but I drool! 1.0580 0.02834 69 65 4 0
7790 I just seem to have an irrational fear of the sun 1.0580 0.03506 69 66 2 1
7791 I don't know. I'm so confused about my life right now, it's got my head in a swirl! 1.0580 0.02834 69 65 4 0
7792 I freeze up in the mornings and feel licked by days end 1.0580 0.02834 69 65 4 0
7793 I keep getting this feeling that I'm the only Emperor there is. 1.0571 0.02794 70 66 4 0
7794 I can't believe DQ discontinued cherry dip. 1.0571 0.02794 70 66 4 0
7795 Why don't children love me as much as a Choco Taco? 1.0571 0.02794 70 66 4 0
7796 Do you think there might be another reason why my girlfriend calls me Mr. Softy? 1.0571 0.02794 70 66 4 0
7797 Stop your complaining. You're dripping on my couch. 1.0571 0.02794 70 66 4 0
7798 I was never dipped in chocolate when I was a kid. 1.0571 0.03457 70 67 2 1
7799 I see it everywhere, Doc. Every time I look in the mirror, I scream! 1.0571 0.02794 70 66 4 0
7800 Recently, my head keeps spiraling as my confidence melts. 1.0571 0.03457 70 67 2 1
7801 I took a likin' ever single day, and not just from the bullies! 1.0571 0.02794 70 66 4 0
7802 Why does everyone think I'm such a pushover? 1.0571 0.02794 70 66 4 0
7803 Kids lick my head, then I'm called toxic! 1.0571 0.02794 70 66 4 0
7804 I also see Mister Softee for cryogenic therapy. 1.0571 0.02794 70 66 4 0
7805 Fight, Flight, Freeze, Submit. Blah. Blah. Blah. I FREEZE, DAMMIT…Every single time!!! 1.0571 0.02794 70 66 4 0
7806 It's just nobody ever calls over the holiday season 1.0571 0.02794 70 66 4 0
7807 No matter how much 'I scream', I can't get it out of my head 1.0571 0.02794 70 66 4 0
7808 I really need your help Doc. I can’t take it any more. All I ever hear is ‘hey softee, MIIIISSSTTTEEEERRR SOFTEE, Gee, Softee, you are so cool’ and more like that.” Can you help me, Doc? Please!” 1.0568 0.02962 88 84 3 1
7809 She called me 'Softie,' which would have been fine if it hadn't been our third date! 1.0566 0.03205 53 50 3 0
7810 I have a Brain Freeze constantly. 1.0566 0.03205 53 50 3 0
7811 Doc… do you know what it’s like, day in day out, when everyone wants to come? It makes me sick to my stomach! 1.0566 0.03205 53 50 3 0
7812 Is the paramecium in the room with us now, Softy Cream? 1.0566 0.03205 53 50 3 0
7813 I was, like, just chillin' when suddenly I had a brain freeze. 1.0563 0.02756 71 67 4 0
7814 I used to party hard but when I took the lampshade off my head, everyone said I had gone soft. 1.0563 0.02756 71 67 4 0
7815 I guess I'm still jealous about all the attention my cousins got on Saturday Night Live. 1.0563 0.02756 71 67 4 0
7816 It's tough to explain, but sometimes I get these dark thoughts swirling around in my head. 1.0563 0.02756 71 67 4 0
7817 They all think I'm Steve Martin. 1.0563 0.02756 71 67 4 0
7818 I've been depressed ever since Beldar and Prymatt told me I was adopted. 1.0563 0.02756 71 67 4 0
7819 I know, I should really stop licking my wounds all the time... 1.0563 0.02756 71 67 4 0
7820 She told me we couldn’t be together because she’s usually fleishig” #iyky 1.0563 0.02756 71 67 4 0
7821 I do realize it's are all in my head. But doctor these ice cream freeze headaches are unbearable . 1.0563 0.02756 71 67 4 0
7822 Press your tongue to the roof of your mouth- it’ll help with the brain freeze. 1.0563 0.02756 71 67 4 0
7823 But they didn’t think I was funny enough to be on Saturday Night Live 1.0563 0.02756 71 67 4 0
7824 I fell in love with a lady lacking toes, but my intolerant father won't hear of it. 1.0563 0.02756 71 67 4 0
7825 Doctor, do you think my ice cream headaches are imaginary? 1.0556 0.02718 72 68 4 0
7826 It all began when I was hired as "the face of Carvel " when I was 16 and some f***ing ad guy had a bright idea and introduced me to his plastic surgeon... 1.0556 0.02718 72 68 4 0
7827 It's 'freak' this, 'monster' that. Nobody sees me for me. I put my pants on one scoop at a time. 1.0556 0.02718 72 68 4 0
7828 So, you think, all things considered, if being too hard on myself? 1.0556 0.03146 54 51 3 0
7829 In my opinion, you're a whipped cream and nut case. 1.0556 0.02718 72 68 4 0
7830 I was cool and collected until the onset of global warming 1.0556 0.03146 54 51 3 0
7831 I feel like I'm past my prime. No one wants me anymore. 1.0556 0.02718 72 68 4 0
7832 Some might say my father was broken 1.0556 0.02718 72 68 4 0
7833 People keep licking my fucking head! 1.0556 0.03362 72 69 2 1
7834 Being called a conehead isn't what gets me - its that the brain freezes are dairy free. 1.0548 0.02682 73 69 4 0
7835 Being named Mr. Softee doesn't attract women. AND I'm lactose intolerant. 1.0548 0.02682 73 69 4 0
7836 Sometimes being licked is erotic, but sometimes it's a violation of my boundaries 1.0548 0.02682 73 69 4 0
7837 I hate hearing Pop Goes the Weasel, but Mr. Softy has it worse. 1.0548 0.03316 73 70 2 1
7838 They say I'm cold doc, but people keep swirling around me. What's the attraction? 1.0548 0.02682 73 69 4 0
7839 "I am confused! I don't know if I am LGBTQ or vanilla?" 1.0548 0.03316 73 70 2 1
7840 Oh Doctor, my life is so vanilla. 1.0548 0.02682 73 69 4 0
7841 All these thoughts just keep swirling around in my mind 😔 1.0548 0.02682 73 69 4 0
7842 I am no softee!! 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
7843 I just really got myself into a twist when the Coneheads came out. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
7844 Sometimes my head just feels swirled. 1.0545 0.03090 55 52 3 0
7845 Frankly, doc, sometimes I wonder if I should get a licker license... 1.0541 0.03272 74 71 2 1
7846 And I had to stop wearing my knickerbockers ! 1.0541 0.02647 74 70 4 0
7847 You say they will melt away in time, but these cold thoughts keep swirling around my head 1.0541 0.02647 74 70 4 0
7848 Why does everyone calls me Mr. Softy, doctor” 1.0541 0.02647 74 70 4 0
7849 I was arguing with the wife; she said: Chill Out... 1.0536 0.03036 56 53 3 0
7850 It’s all the traffic and that incessant music playing all day that really gets on my nerves and all the while I have to keep up this smiley face. I really hate my job! 😢 Too long? 1.0536 0.03036 56 53 3 0
7851 I know the heatwave is causing this meltdown but I wonder if I should have switched to paper cups. 1.0533 0.02612 75 71 4 0
7852 The directions for my new hair lotion say "Apply a thick coat." 1.0526 0.02578 76 72 4 0
7853 When did you begin to feel that you were now a Dairy King? 1.0526 0.02984 57 54 3 0
7854 There's this girl I like, but she says I'm too vanilla. 1.0526 0.02984 57 54 3 0
7855 I need to lose the ice cream to be a normal conehead 1.0526 0.02578 76 72 4 0
7856 You're right, at least they don't call me a cone head. 1.0526 0.02578 76 72 4 0
7857 As an LGBDQ, I get the cold shoulder from everyone I meet. 1.0526 0.02984 57 54 3 0
7858 You could try to scream in the ‘I’ voice. 1.0526 0.02578 76 72 4 0
7859 I like Saturday Night Live as much as the next guy, but my name is NOT Beldar! 1.0519 0.02546 77 73 4 0
7860 Why can't peopme understand it's just a stage name? 1.0519 0.02546 77 73 4 0
7861 Doctor, I’m afraid I’m lactose intolerant and yet all I have running through my veins is thick, creamy dairy. Is this even possible? 1.0519 0.03146 77 74 2 1
7862 I am not a conehead, never been a conehead, don't want to be identified as a conehead, dont want to be called conehead. Why don't people understand? 1.0519 0.02546 77 73 4 0
7863 Ever since management denied my transfer out of Florida I can't stop melting 1.0517 0.02933 58 55 3 0
7864 You see......I've got this obsession...... 1.0517 0.02933 58 55 3 0
7865 Life is so tough... I just feel licked all the time. 1.0517 0.02933 58 55 3 0
7866 I don’t know, Doc—I just can’t think straight. 1.0517 0.02933 58 55 3 0
7867 But would I even be the same me if Ronald was my father? 1.0517 0.02933 58 55 3 0
7868 It’s always “do you know the muffin man” never “how is the ice cream man”?! 1.0517 0.02933 58 55 3 0
7869 I scream all the time doctor, and the constant brain freeze is just the cherry on top. 1.0517 0.02933 58 55 3 0
7870 When I was little, the doctor told my mother I was lactose intolerant. So my mind took on an extra function, and adapted. 1.0513 0.02514 78 74 4 0
7871 Why do I feel like a Conehead with brain freeze? 1.0508 0.02885 59 56 3 0
7872 Sometimes I don't feel like I can carry on with so much lactose intolerance in the world 1.0508 0.02885 59 56 3 0
7873 Considering a radical change for the fall; Ditch the curl on top for a spiky look. 1.0508 0.02885 59 56 3 0
7874 I cant think lately, I get brain freeze a lot! 1.0508 0.02885 59 56 3 0
7875 I have to confess, I removed the nuts before I came in. 1.0508 0.02885 59 56 3 0
7876 And then she said, "every time you kiss me, it gives me chill, and hung up"l 1.0508 0.02885 59 56 3 0
7877 Sometimes I think I’m swirly 1.0508 0.02885 59 56 3 0
7878 and then she said i was too soft for her 1.0508 0.02885 59 56 3 0
7879 I feel rejected by the other coneheads for not being smoother..... 1.0506 0.03067 79 76 2 1
7880 Doctor, I'm so anxious. Every night I dream of tripping on myself as child and falling on my head. Then the nightmare begins as my parents come out of the shadows to yell how clumsy I am. 1.0506 0.03067 79 76 2 1
7881 I think I know how to lick your problem. 1.0500 0.03029 80 77 2 1
7882 And some people just think I'm a softie. 1.0500 0.02837 60 57 3 0
7883 I really think these sessions have helped me get my head in the right place, doc. 1.0500 0.02837 60 57 3 0
7884 I keep having this dream where I’m at a children’s birthday party and I’m yelling “You can’t lick me, just try and lick me kids.” 1.0500 0.02837 60 57 3 0
7885 I'm not as soft as everyone believes 1.0500 0.02837 60 57 3 0
7886 I've never been much of a hot-head. 1.0500 0.02837 60 57 3 0
7887 I had that dream again doc. You know, the one where they dip me in chocolate by order of the Dairy Queen! 1.0500 0.02837 60 57 3 0
7888 I just can't understand why my Mother always called me a conehead 1.0495 0.02169 101 96 5 0
7889 That damn jingle’s got me twisted, I’ve gone soft in the head 1.0492 0.02792 61 58 3 0
7890 I’m afraid my time on earth is limited. Or People only like me for my brains. Or The world seems so vanilla lately. 1.0492 0.02792 61 58 3 0
7891 I can’t get it up. 1.0492 0.02792 61 58 3 0
7892 Everything is swirling around my head 1.0492 0.02792 61 58 3 0
7893 I try to project a strong image, but I think I'm just going soft. 1.0492 0.02792 61 58 3 0
7894 When life gets rough I like to hold on to my dream of relaxing in the summer sun just letting off steam 1.0492 0.03641 61 59 1 1
7895 I finally just asked her -- why am I not enough for you without the sprinkles? 1.0492 0.02792 61 58 3 0
7896 I’m a cone man with a cone wife and 2 cone children but what about my cone dreams. 1.0492 0.02792 61 58 3 0
7897 This isn’t quite a meltdown, is it? 1.0492 0.02792 61 58 3 0
7898 You know Doctor, sometimes I feel like I'm loosing it. 1.0492 0.02792 61 58 3 0
7899 I am the original ice cream cone head. 1.0488 0.02393 82 78 4 0
7900 As a kid it was my wish that when I grow up I had so much ice cream all the time that I would be covered head to toe with ice cream and this is what happened 1.0484 0.02747 62 59 3 0
7901 And then she said," I like you better when you're softly whipped." 1.0484 0.02747 62 59 3 0
7902 And then, she called me "Mr. Softie," and all the sprinkles laughed. 1.0484 0.02747 62 59 3 0
7903 I keep having this weird dream than my mother locked me in a freezer 1.0484 0.02747 62 59 3 0
7904 I told her, Viagra or not, I am who I am. 1.0484 0.02747 62 59 3 0
7905 And then I said I said and they all started to laugh at me.... 1.0484 0.02747 62 59 3 0
7906 Well Doc, what does it feel like being Mr Softie for all these years? Two words Bro, its like a 24 Hr. 'Brain Freeze!' 1.0484 0.02747 62 59 3 0
7907 The same jangly music keeps haunting my dreams. 1.0484 0.02747 62 59 3 0
7908 It feels like everyone always wants part of me. 1.0484 0.02747 62 59 3 0
7909 I often get a chill down the back of my spine 1.0484 0.02747 62 59 3 0
7910 I never recovered from that swirlie I got back in middle school. 1.0484 0.03583 62 60 1 1
7911 I remember the feeling of going around, and a around, and around… 1.0484 0.02747 62 59 3 0
7912 She told me to put it on my head! 1.0482 0.02365 83 79 4 0
7913 It seems like women aren't interested in vanilla guys these days. 1.0476 0.02705 63 60 3 0
7914 Is it OK if I scream, then you scream, then we all scream.....? 1.0476 0.02705 63 60 3 0
7915 Well, nobody's calling me a hothead anymore. I did hear airhead, though. 1.0476 0.02705 63 60 3 0
7916 I just can't tell the difference between an iced cream headache and a migraine anymore... 1.0476 0.02705 63 60 3 0
7917 I know the saying of "I scream for Icecream", but do the mean kiddo really got to scream like fire in gasoline. 1.0476 0.03526 63 61 1 1
7918 Licktose intolerant she tells me. C'mon Doc, is that even a real condition? 1.0476 0.02705 63 60 3 0
7919 Our sessions seem to be working. I still have brain fog - nothing has changed - but having a head full of ice cream sure beats a head full of cotton wool . Matia Finn-Stevenson 1.0476 0.02705 63 60 3 0
7920 So I tried to set boundaries and said no to the Beach but now I miss the warm dunes and salty deeps, although I don't miss the disappointed look when you get finished with just a lap. 1.0476 0.02705 63 60 3 0
7921 I’m doing my best to be firm but it’s not as though they’re going to start calling me ‘Mister Boundaree’ any time soon 1.0476 0.02705 63 60 3 0
7922 My last girlfriend was cool. She was on the pill. No, not birth control; Lactaid. Otherwise she'd totally wreck the toilet after, well, you know. Anywhoozle, her job sent her to Houston, and I just...I don't know...can't commit like that again. 1.0469 0.03472 64 62 1 1
7923 Help me doc! First it was one, then it was two, then it was EVERBODY screaming for me; ICECREAM! I melted down doc! I blew my cone! Anybody would! Constant ICECREAMICECREAMICECREAM! It almost drove me to nuts and sprinkles! Help me lick it doc! 1.0469 0.02663 64 61 3 0
7924 I know I should be happy. I do not get angry and blow off steam. If I do not learn how soon, I believe I will lose my current career and my wife. This is difficult! I cannot just melt down like other people. I just do not have that to give Doc! 1.0469 0.02663 64 61 3 0
7925 No one listens to me. My name is "Brian" Freeze not "Brain" Freeze. 1.0469 0.03472 64 62 1 1
7926 I can't help being defensive when people keep telling me I am getting soft in the head. 1.0469 0.02663 64 61 3 0
7927 I told them I was a Dairy Queen. 1.0469 0.02663 64 61 3 0
7928 I keep hearing 'Pop Goes the Weasel' over and over in my head while pigeons swoop down and shit on me. 1.0469 0.02663 64 61 3 0
7929 This happens every time I drink something cold. 1.0469 0.02663 64 61 3 0
7930 No, it's not the 'Queen' part of the nickname that hurts, it's the 'Dairy' 😭. 1.0469 0.02663 64 61 3 0
7931 I thought if I churned soft, I’d be less cold… 1.0469 0.02663 64 61 3 0
7932 It's just terrible, Doc. All my relatives have normal pointed cone heads, and I'm stuck with this abnormal 'ice cream cone' head. I feel like such an outcast. 1.0462 0.02623 65 62 3 0
7933 They didn't hire me to be a conehead on SNL! 1.0462 0.02623 65 62 3 0
7934 I don’t know why everyone treats me like a softie 1.0462 0.02623 65 62 3 0
7935 I just can't lick this ice cream headache. 1.0462 0.02623 65 62 3 0
7936 I told her straight off I'm no Dirk Diggler...but 'Mister Softee'? That's just mean. 1.0462 0.02623 65 62 3 0
7937 I think I'm gonna stop working for Dairy Queen" 1.0462 0.02623 65 62 3 0
7938 Every time someone comes close, I lose a bit of myself. It’s melting my self-esteem! 1.0462 0.02623 65 62 3 0
7939 I never fight, flight or fawn. I always freeze and then have a complete melt down later. 1.0462 0.02623 65 62 3 0
7940 It started when all my friends wanted to be cone heads for Halloween but I just had to be different. 1.0455 0.02584 66 63 3 0
7941 My wife wants me to see a doctor for E.D., but I think it's more psychological. 1.0455 0.02584 66 63 3 0
7942 Just because I’m lickable doesn’t mean I want to be licked. 1.0455 0.02584 66 63 3 0
7943 I feel so overwhelmed, doctor. My head is in a swirl. 1.0455 0.02584 66 63 3 0
7944 I believe vut vee ‘ave ‘ere Is a classic case if brain freeze 1.0455 0.02584 66 63 3 0
7945 Any other flavor would be ok but I’m not a vanilla type person. 1.0455 0.02584 66 63 3 0
7946 I’m sick of everyone getting their licks in. 1.0455 0.02584 66 63 3 0
7947 Sir, you don’t have to lose your head over this. 1.0455 0.02584 66 63 3 0
7948 Calling my sprinkles “hundreds and thousands”, then just sticking a flake in and shouting “99!”… I mean, what in the Brit is that?! 1.0455 0.02584 66 63 3 0
7949 And then when I was 7, no one understood why I asked for a swirly. 1.0455 0.02584 66 63 3 0
7950 I just want her to stop saying my name when we’re in bed. 1.0455 0.02584 66 63 3 0
7951 You have to forget and forgive your cousin Sundae 1.0455 0.02584 66 63 3 0
7952 It's hard to be an assertive boss when everyone keeps calling you Mr. Softee. 1.0448 0.02546 67 64 3 0
7953 I just wish they would stop biting me. 1.0448 0.02546 67 64 3 0
7954 No one at work takes me seriously - why do they think I am a softie? 1.0448 0.02546 67 64 3 0
7955 you went to the trouble of getting your leaves done and didn't get dressed?" ps my caption is for current 9/23/23 issue showing 2 trees, one wearing a tie - the cartoon showed above is not this week's. Jill Spaldin 1.0448 0.02546 67 64 3 0
7956 Mister Softee does NOT have any sexual connotations! 1.0448 0.02546 67 64 3 0
7957 I know this sounds crazy, but I've developed this constant case of brain freeze. 1.0448 0.02546 67 64 3 0
7958 They just kept scteaming...... for....me.. 1.0448 0.02546 67 64 3 0
7959 My family has a hard time understanding my seasonal affective disorder. But as soon as the fall desserts come out, I feel like nothing I do even matters. Sometimes I think I'm being too Piehilistic 1.0448 0.02546 67 64 3 0
7960 But now when you scream and I scream I keep seeing a fire. 1.0441 0.02509 68 65 3 0
7961 In this culture, being called “Mr. Softee” all the time, even when I’m not at work, well, it gets to me. And I’m ashamed it gets to me.” 1.0441 0.02509 68 65 3 0
7962 WHAT REALLY HURT WAS WHEN SHE CALLED ME SOFT-HEADED 1.0441 0.02509 68 65 3 0
7963 I don’t know how,I can ever move out of Fairbanks 1.0441 0.02509 68 65 3 0
7964 Every time you ask about my childhood I start getting an ice cream headache. 1.0441 0.02509 68 65 3 0
7965 I’m tired of being a vanilla type of person. 1.0435 0.02473 69 66 3 0
7966 You know, Doc, being hot-headed makes me really cool. 1.0435 0.02473 69 66 3 0
7967 My whole life has been one big brain freeze 1.0435 0.03222 69 67 1 1
7968 The other Coneheads make fun of my hair. 1.0435 0.02473 69 66 3 0
7969 Amidst the icy pressures, I long to melt, to be real, to feel, but I stay frozen. A scoop of emotions held back, a cold heart craving warmth. The pressure to 'pull myself together' to not melt so that I won't be eaten faster. I wish I could decide. 1.0435 0.02473 69 66 3 0
7970 I’m lucky to have a bed for a nap; he needs coffee to fight yawns 1.0435 0.02473 69 66 3 0
7971 Everywhere where I go, it’s ‘Be careful, you’ll get a brain freeze’, like it’s the worst thing in the world. 1.0429 0.02438 70 67 3 0
7972 All my life, people have called me a “softee .” 1.0429 0.02438 70 67 3 0
7973 Don't get all whipped up about it," she told me. But did I listen? Nooooo 1.0429 0.02438 70 67 3 0
7974 Hey doc, I've been losing my cool lately. I think it might have something to do with my hot-headedness. 1.0429 0.02438 70 67 3 0
7975 Any relation to the SNL coneheads? 1.0429 0.02438 70 67 3 0
7976 … and then, when I get to the big finale, things just sort of just go flop 1.0429 0.02438 70 67 3 0
7977 I feel so unfulfilled...I struggled with those lyrics for weeks, but does anyone remember them? No-o-o-o! 1.0429 0.02438 70 67 3 0
7978 My mother used to say I was a real drip. My mother was the original ice queen. Always wagging her tongue. 1.0429 0.02438 70 67 3 0
7979 I tried, but apparently if you don't have a dagger they make you take your head thing off. 1.0423 0.02404 71 68 3 0
7980 And then she asked to see if the ice-cream machine was actually broken.” Said McDonald’s Ice-Cream Machine during his daily therapy session 1.0423 0.02404 71 68 3 0
7981 My parents wanted me to be a cone. 1.0423 0.02404 71 68 3 0
7982 It's just too hard to be mr. softee with everyone all the time! 1.0423 0.03131 71 69 1 1
7983 The fear of being licked, is melting my self esteem. 1.0423 0.02404 71 68 3 0
7984 My wife thinks it might have something to do with the fact that people can't stop calling me "Mr. Softie" everywhere I go." 1.0423 0.02404 71 68 3 0
7985 sometimes, doctor, I just feel like a complete cone. 1.0423 0.02404 71 68 3 0
7986 Am I reading too much into my dreams about my brain melting and hundreds of ants slurping it up 1.0417 0.02372 72 69 3 0
7987 At the time it seemed like the perfect compliment to the “cone head” popularity 1.0417 0.02372 72 69 3 0
7988 I’m soft ice cream, not that hard scooped based stuff. Yes I know that they predate me, I came later, I was mobile, they were in fridges. Then they put nuts IN them, crushed cookies, Pralines, whatever they are. No more Mr Softee…I was made promise 1.0417 0.02372 72 69 3 0
7989 I dated a cold woman at Wendy's until she frosted me. 1.0417 0.02372 72 69 3 0
7990 She said I was sweet but too much of a softy for her. 1.0417 0.02372 72 69 3 0
7991 I can be all fun and happiness one minute, then someone tries to lick my head and I lose it. 1.0417 0.02372 72 69 3 0
7992 My girlfriend said I am soft in the head. That really hurt my feelings. 1.0417 0.02372 72 69 3 0
7993 It all started with people calling me Mr. Softee. 1.0417 0.02372 72 69 3 0
7994 And as they were walking away, I heard them say soft serve was just an appetizer before the real ice cream…. 1.0417 0.02372 72 69 3 0
7995 They say I’m just *correlated* with homicide, but it doesn’t make me feel any better 1.0417 0.02372 72 69 3 0
7996 I feel the world is melting away. 1.0411 0.02339 73 70 3 0
7997 Someone turned the power on while I was setting up for the next run in the transmutation chamber. 1.0411 0.02339 73 70 3 0
7998 I had summer dessert preferences but they went to my head. 1.0411 0.02339 73 70 3 0
7999 So my wife said to me: 'You make me melt'. MELT! Oh, it's so hopelessly heartbreaking... 1.0411 0.02339 73 70 3 0
8000 I don't know. I'm having a brain freeze. 1.0411 0.02339 73 70 3 0
8001 Jeez Dr., even when I get mad my wife tells me that I'm sweet and soft ... Could you please explain to me why? 1.0411 0.02339 73 70 3 0
8002 She said, "Dad, don't be racist. If we have kids, they'll be chocolate and vanilla swirls, which is really common and there's nothing wrong with it." But I don't mind that he's chocolate. He's just a jerk. 1.0405 0.02308 74 71 3 0
8003 BORING! Why do I always have to be so vanilla, while that Jack in the Box guy is out there changing-up menus and having fun! 1.0405 0.02308 74 71 3 0
8004 I’m tired of being the softie in the Coneheads. 1.0405 0.02308 74 71 3 0
8005 Sometimes there's just not enough sprinkles to go around 1.0400 0.02278 75 72 3 0
8006 So what I hear you saying is, you identify as a conehead. 1.0400 0.02278 75 72 3 0
8007 Doc, every time I get the least bit uneasy I get a brain freeze. 1.0392 0.02745 51 49 2 0
8008 If we switch places, you’ll know what to do. 1.0392 0.02745 51 49 2 0
8009 It’s just … if I hear ‘Turkey in the Straw’ one more time I may just lose it!’ 1.0390 0.02220 77 74 3 0
8010 I mean, if it HAD to turn into one of the things I fantasized too much about, I guess I got pretty lucky. 1.0385 0.02192 78 75 3 0
8011 I know you won't believe this, Doctor. But I have these recurring dreams about soft vanilla ice cream cones. 1.0380 0.02164 79 76 3 0
8012 Every blind date I go on is ruined when they learn I'm Mr. Softee 1.0380 0.02164 79 76 3 0
8013 I'm afraid that if I stop holding my stomach even for an instant, my head will freeze. 1.0377 0.02643 53 51 2 0
8014 I wish everyone would stop calling me 'conehead.' So what if I have an unusual hairstyle? 1.0370 0.02594 54 52 2 0
8015 Please help me. I can’t stop wanting to lick myself. 1.0370 0.02594 54 52 2 0
8016 ...and don't even ask about my tennis game... 1.0370 0.02111 81 78 3 0
8017 Before we begin, mind if I have a lick? 1.0370 0.02594 54 52 2 0
8018 I’ve had a cold relationship with ice cream all my life. 1.0366 0.02086 82 79 3 0
8019 I can’t stand anymore… every day with this terrible headcake… 1.0366 0.02086 82 79 3 0
8020 I just want to explore why I have these cold thoughts swirling in my head. 1.0364 0.02547 55 53 2 0
8021 I've never told anyone this, but at 40, I've never tossed a hoop around a girls' head and I've never had a girl toss a hoop on mine. 1.0364 0.02547 55 53 2 0
8022 I can't escape the overwhelming feeling that life has me licked. 1.0364 0.02547 55 53 2 0
8023 I have to be a soft, pleasant treat for anyone who is having a bad day. Don't get me wrong, I love my job, but what about when I have a bad day? 1.0357 0.02502 56 54 2 0
8024 I can’t shake this feeling of impending darkness enveloping my head.” 1.0357 0.02649 84 82 1 1
8025 I don't know... Lately, my mind just feels so swirled. 1.0357 0.02502 56 54 2 0
8026 My mother is a gelato and my father is an affogato, so what does that make me? 1.0357 0.02502 56 54 2 0
8027 And then he'd dip and dip and dip. Ever since, I find it hard to come out of my shell. 1.0357 0.02502 56 54 2 0
8028 Doc, I KNOW people like me. I KNOW customers ask for me specially all the time. It's just my employer, McDonald's, has never been willing to allow me to work properly...and this goes back decades. 1.0351 0.02459 57 55 2 0
8029 It started with the name calling". "Hey Mr. Softee" 1.0351 0.02459 57 55 2 0
8030 I fell for a Diary Queen. I just couldn't keep up. 1.0351 0.02459 57 55 2 0
8031 People who call me conehead aren't including the flavor! 1.0345 0.02417 58 56 2 0
8032 I dunno, doc. I'm just not feeling the old swirl. 1.0339 0.02376 59 57 2 0
8033 Mom said I’d grow up to be a cold, cold man. 1.0339 0.02376 59 57 2 0
8034 My mother would never let me be chocolate 1.0339 0.02376 59 57 2 0
8035 I'm glad Mr. Jones , it's important to keep a cool head these days . 1.0339 0.02376 59 57 2 0
8036 My wife says I'm too cold, but I'm really just a big softy. 1.0339 0.02376 59 57 2 0
8037 I dress impeccably, am well educated, and have exquisite taste. Yet, I get no respect. 1.0339 0.02376 59 57 2 0
8038 I’ve been called soft before, but now I feel absolutely frozen. 1.0339 0.02376 59 57 2 0
8039 It happened suddenly, the ice cream man arrived, and I started sCREAMing 1.0339 0.02376 59 57 2 0
8040 I spend all day being a cup, instead of a cone. 1.0333 0.02337 60 58 2 0
8041 I scream for support at work but receive only rote sprinkles. 1.0333 0.02337 60 58 2 0
8042 I need to stop being such a softy. 1.0333 0.02337 60 58 2 0
8043 I wake up every morning feeling chilly until the feeing melts away. 1.0328 0.02299 61 59 2 0
8044 I'm better when the temp falls below 32 degrees. 1.0328 0.02299 61 59 2 0
8045 I can’t take another date where they tell me I’m too vanilla 1.0328 0.02299 61 59 2 0
8046 I'm being assaulted by a thousand tongues and then I wake up melting. 1.0323 0.02262 62 60 2 0
8047 doctor I cannot see the light at the end of the cone! 1.0323 0.02262 62 60 2 0
8048 I fear I won't be able to take a lickin' 1.0317 0.02227 63 61 2 0
8049 All they want to do is lick my hair. 1.0317 0.02227 63 61 2 0
8050 I’ve got this brain freeze that won’t go away. 1.0317 0.02227 63 61 2 0
8051 You never let me have sprinkles! Can't you make up your mind? I want Jimmies, nonpareils or chocolate sprinkles. Decide. 1.0312 0.02192 64 62 2 0
8052 Just call me the Mr. Softie of codependency. 1.0312 0.02192 64 62 2 0
8053 One more word about Taylor Swift and Travis Kelsie and my head just froze! 1.0312 0.02192 64 62 2 0
8054 My friends call me soft for not taking the chocolate dip. I don't think they realise the risk involved. 1.0312 0.02192 64 62 2 0
8055 I hate it when people say I'm svft in the head. 1.0308 0.02159 65 63 2 0
8056 It's very hard to succeed in politics and I don't know why. 1.0308 0.02159 65 63 2 0
8057 I was never seriously being considered by big Pharma as an ED spokesperson. They, and everyone else, just see me as a zoomorphic joke. 1.0308 0.02159 65 63 2 0
8058 Now that I'm cone-fessing...I was looking forward to stopping the world and melting with her. 1.0308 0.02159 65 63 2 0
8059 Everything is just swirling together in my head. 1.0308 0.02159 65 63 2 0
8060 It happens without fail, Doc. I’ll meet a woman, we’ll hit it off, then when she learns my last name, she’s out the door. 1.0308 0.02159 65 63 2 0
8061 I'm cold?! I mean, what was she expecting in this relationship? 1.0303 0.02126 66 64 2 0
8062 My wife left me because I don't like sprinkles 1.0303 0.02126 66 64 2 0
8063 I know. But I can’t rest until they let me dip in chocolate. 1.0303 0.02126 66 64 2 0
8064 Is the milliner X fro-yo pop up doing well? 1.0303 0.02126 66 64 2 0
8065 At work I am worried that everyone thinks I'm a softy. 1.0299 0.02095 67 65 2 0
8066 I have this recurring dream that I am the Wicked Witch of the West 1.0299 0.02095 67 65 2 0
8067 But Doctor, I am Pagoto 1.0299 0.02095 67 65 2 0
8068 'I feel like I can open up to you about this, but honestly doc I just don't feel like the man I was since losing all my sprinkles" 1.0299 0.02095 67 65 2 0
8069 Well, I asked you talking about your night screams, not your ice creams… 1.0294 0.02064 68 66 2 0
8070 You can’t control your twisted thoughts, only your reaction to them 1.0294 0.02064 68 66 2 0
8071 I know it's still too hot for hats but I really wanted this one in strawberry, all they had left was vanilla in small. It was tight but it shrunk more while I was sweating in it. I can't get it off. Should I try jumping on your trampoline? 1.0290 0.02034 69 67 2 0
8072 Doctor, I've lost my cone, and I'm not feeling well. Can you help me feel whole? 1.0290 0.02034 69 67 2 0
8073 I just always feel out of place, Doc. For one thing, I'm much sweeter than the other coneheads. 1.0290 0.02034 69 67 2 0
8074 And then the spider who looked like my brother crawled up the outside of our childhood home, carrying a little sac of scrunched up papers. One of them fell out, I unfurled it and read “sadness is freedom” 1.0290 0.02034 69 67 2 0
8075 It’s ok when the kids say it, but from the wife, that’s another story 1.0286 0.02006 70 68 2 0
8076 Thoughts just keep swirling in my head. 1.0286 0.02006 70 68 2 0
8077 I thought being a single-cell organism was the worse that life could offer, but checkout this softee and his shrink 1.0286 0.02006 70 68 2 0
8078 I keep dreaming of love, peace and ice-cream 1.0282 0.01978 71 69 2 0
8079 I would like to share more about my childhood, but I’m having an episode of brain freeze. 1.0282 0.01978 71 69 2 0
8080 It’s worse than brain freeze. s 1.0278 0.01950 72 70 2 0
8081 I’m trying to get out of my comfort zone but everything I try is vanilla 1.0274 0.01924 73 71 2 0
8082 I am sick of being told not to have a meltdown. 1.0267 0.01873 75 73 2 0
8083 When did you first sense you were having a meltdown? 1.0267 0.01873 75 73 2 0
8084 I know, you told me many times, "There are other ways to hang around". 1.0260 0.01825 77 75 2 0
8085 When global warming finally touches your head 1.0247 0.01735 81 79 2 0
8086 This is not what I intended when I asked the genie to make me a cone head. 1.0244 0.01714 82 80 2 0
8087 Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room! A rubber room with rats,and rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room! A rubber room with rats,and rats make me crazy. Crazy? 1.0192 0.01942 52 51 1 0
8088 what if Janice doesn’t find me attractive any more?! 1.0182 0.01835 55 54 1 0
8089 I wanted to work for Good Humor until I found out they only serve frozen dairy dessert 1.0179 0.01802 56 55 1 0
8090 I thought I was learning to hit an overhead on a soft serve, not getting a soft serve over my head. 1.0179 0.01802 56 55 1 0
8091 Maybe I should begin with the big stuff first because I'm always a melted mess by the end of our hour. 1.0175 0.01770 57 56 1 0
8092 My mother really loved that jingle. But whenever they play it, I just go, 'No, no, no . . . ' 1.0175 0.01770 57 56 1 0
8093 I've been getting ice cream headaches lately and I can't figure out why! 1.0175 0.01770 57 56 1 0
8094 I scream "ice cream" all the time... 1.0172 0.01739 58 57 1 0
8095 I really want to be the face of Viagra 1.0172 0.01739 58 57 1 0
8096 I wish my life would take a twist away from just plain vanilla. 1.0167 0.01681 60 59 1 0
8097 I just can’t shake this brain freeze, it’s like my head is always swirling 1.0164 0.01653 61 60 1 0
8098 ..And the last thing I remember the employee yelled ‘the softserve machine is broken again!’…I just don’t know how many more brain freezes I can take doc. You tell me I don’t have control of the machine..but I can’t help feeling like I’M the broken one. 1.0161 0.01626 62 61 1 0
8099 Everybody thinks I’m vanilla. But that’s not what makes me melt. 1.0159 0.01600 63 62 1 0
8100 It is cold neuralgia or sphenopalatine ganglioneuralgia! Let it just melt. 1.0159 0.01600 63 62 1 0
8101 Listen, Doc, I can't sleep, don't eat. I'm crabby, I kick the dog and shout at the kids. Wife and I haven't had sex in months. My head is exploding! Help me, please help me write a better caption. 1.0154 0.01550 65 64 1 0
8102 The women in my life call me Mr. Softy. Is that because I'm not smart or is it my dick. 1.0152 0.01527 66 65 1 0
8103 She's turned off by my receding rainbow-sprinkle-line. 1.0152 0.01527 66 65 1 0
8104 Sure, the kids love me, but to the babes at the Club, I'm just Mr. Softy. 1.0149 0.01504 67 66 1 0
8105 I'm tired of everyone thinking I'm the spokesperson for erectile disfunction. 1.0147 0.01482 68 67 1 0
8106 It's cold and melting sir—my head—a fluffy sensation—yet I feel people want to bite it off. 1.0145 0.01460 69 68 1 0
8107 Women think it is because I cannot perform in bed. 1.0133 0.01342 75 74 1 0
8108 The Dairy Queen won’t even look at me… Is it because I’m such a softee? 1.0125 0.01258 80 79 1 0
8109 When people see me they say "I scream", but I never do. I don't know where they get that idea? 1.0000 0.01905 53 53 0 0
8110 So I keep having this nightmare about my mom,you know her ,the former Wicked Witch of the West 1.0000 0.01681 60 60 0 0
8111 I;m not crazy, Doc; I gave up alcohol and smoking and switched to Creamy Whip but now I am urged to see a Shrink about my only vice?? by Janet Luckey Cordish Cincinnati, OH 1.0000 0.01980 51 51 0 0
8112 My dad always wanted me to be an ice cream salesman but it just doesn’t feel like me. 1.0000 0.01802 56 56 0 0