Contest #866


Cartoon

866


Name Value
Submission deadline -
Voting started -
Voting ended -
Finalists announced -
Magazine(s) announcing finalists issued -
Number of captions 5190
Number of responses 1042413
Number of participants -


Dashboard

In this table, the "mean" means the empirically measured average funniness score when the "unfunny", "somewhat funny" and "funny" receive a funniness score of 1, 2, 3 respectively. "Precison" is the standard error of the mean, the standard deviation of the mean estimate. With that, a caption with an empirical mean μ and precision σ has true mean in the range [μ - 2σ, μ + 2σ] with 95% probability by the 68-95-99.7 rule assuming the responses are indepedent and identically distributed.

Rank Caption Mean Precision Total votes "Unfunny" votes "Somewhat funny" votes "Funny" votes
0 Yeah, that was me. I have greenhouse gas. 1.8284 0.01927 1900 861 504 535
1 Thirty years ago I was way cooler. 1.7875 0.01727 2193 999 661 533
2 Is the whole room spinning or is it just me? 1.7767 0.01939 1742 808 515 419
3 Have 8 billion kids”, they said. “They’ll look after you in your old age”, they said 1.7404 0.02452 1090 535 303 252
4 She used to think I was the center of the universe. 1.6992 0.01579 2400 1187 748 465
5 I've been taking a lot of heat lately. 1.6887 0.01630 2165 1064 711 390
6 I could use a little more ice 1.6852 0.01894 1639 821 513 305
7 I just found out I'm bipolar. 1.6816 0.01690 2249 1194 577 478
8 It just feels like I’ve been going in circles for years. 1.6766 0.01488 2721 1402 797 522
9 Look, pal — I know when something is seventy percent water. 1.6722 0.01251 4246 2334 970 942
10 It’s mostly water weight. 1.6708 0.00912 8136 4531 1752 1853
11 ...and I'm constantly being mooned! 1.6593 0.01882 1761 951 459 351
12 I remember the day that Mars said “You’ll regret being habitable” 1.6517 0.01569 2575 1421 630 524
13 Before Copernicus I was at the center of it all 1.6476 0.01531 2514 1340 720 454
14 Could I get some more ice? 1.6399 0.01472 2630 1393 791 446
15 It's five o'clock somewhere. 1.6378 0.01257 4133 2368 894 871
16 Everything I drink goes to my equator.” 1.6368 0.00935 7410 4233 1635 1542
17 And then the Sun says to me, “Actually your life does revolve around me.” 1.6253 0.01759 1935 1077 506 352
18 So I say to the guy, “YOU try having Florida stuck to your ass all day.” 1.6221 0.01748 2048 1174 474 400
19 I think I’m bipolar. 1.6198 0.01346 3382 1923 822 637
20 For just once, I’d like it if things didn’t revolve around me 1.6125 0.02237 1107 604 328 175
21 I turn around and the day is gone. 1.6116 0.01093 5080 2910 1233 937
22 Did I mention that I'm bipolar? 1.6056 0.01138 4653 2681 1126 846
23 One more round and I'll call it a day. 1.6048 0.01077 5291 3082 1218 991
24 Oh yeah, well I said it was "Last Call" 20 years ago & no one listened to me! 1.6043 0.01811 1731 969 478 284
25 I'll take another hurricane. 1.6025 0.01653 2035 1131 582 322
26 Excuse me, but there's plastic in my water. 1.5901 0.01599 2203 1257 592 354
27 I have to watch what I drink—I’m bipolar. 1.5865 0.01371 3139 1843 751 545
28 The drinks are good but there’s no atmosphere. 1.5811 0.01630 1986 1114 590 282
29 I miss the old atmosphere." 1.5755 0.01644 2033 1173 550 310
30 She left me for someone cooler. 1.5715 0.01488 2399 1371 685 343
31 So what if I’m in the perfect position to harbor life? Maybe I wanted a career. 1.5686 0.01725 1880 1106 479 295
32 I just discovered I'm bipolar. 1.5675 0.01224 3884 2334 896 654
33 I’ll take a frozen ANYTHING! 1.5671 0.01568 2183 1265 599 319
34 I think I’ll call it a night. 1.5652 0.01673 1824 1034 549 241
35 My problems started when I gave Saturn a ring. 1.5633 0.01312 3185 1872 832 481
36 I just found out that I’m bipolar 1.5620 0.01190 4142 2519 918 705
37 If you’ve got the tequila, I’ve got the sunrise. 1.5523 0.01515 2457 1489 579 389
38 In about a minute you'll have the world at your feet. 1.5521 0.01465 2704 1661 593 450
39 Venus is beautiful but extremely toxic. We haven't been together since the birth of our sun. 1.5441 0.01689 1849 1101 490 258
40 When I dry out, they complain about the droughts. When I drink, they complain about the floods. You can't win with these people! 1.5348 0.01615 1881 1102 552 227
41 Another double please, I’m having a global crisis over here! 1.5322 0.01644 1845 1093 522 230
42 No, you’re the one spinning. 1.5311 0.01759 1798 1119 403 276
43 Can you turn on the A/C? 1.5252 0.01634 1786 1051 532 203
44 A hot planet walks into a bar and no one seems to care. Get it? 1.5185 0.01571 1996 1203 551 242
45 So then, I turned around and caught them together—the light of my life and the freaking moon. 1.5149 0.01685 1816 1122 453 241
46 The trouble is that this place ain't got no atmosphere. 1.5118 0.01562 1944 1167 559 218
47 Everything’s on me. 1.5114 0.01388 3019 1975 544 500
48 Turns out I'm bipolar. 1.5083 0.01384 2835 1809 611 415
49 I really miss the dinosaurs. 1.5034 0.01631 1778 1081 499 198
50 Give me another one. My doctor just told me I don't have long to live! 1.5025 0.01667 1773 1097 461 215
51 Lenny, you ever wake up one day and realize you're just not as cool as you were 100 years ago? 1.4996 0.01529 2396 1570 455 371
52 How does it feel to be the world’s favorite bartender? 1.4964 0.01499 2343 1504 515 324
53 Is it getting warmer in here, or is it just me? 1.4961 0.01511 2310 1484 506 320
54 I used to be a lot cooler. 1.4957 0.01423 2191 1317 662 212
55 It's 5 o'clock somewhere. 1.4910 0.01681 2118 1447 302 369
56 My sun thinks the world revolves around him. 1.4895 0.01563 2090 1339 479 272
57 Do you accept carbon credits? 1.4892 0.02829 646 416 144 86
58 I was cool with moonogamy until I met Jupiter. 1.4891 0.01722 2116 1480 237 399
59 I finally got diagnosed. Turns out I'm bipolar. 1.4809 0.01752 1730 1141 346 243
60 I don’t want another Manhattan. 1.4795 0.01799 1656 1099 320 237
61 I never wanted to be a planet. I wanted to be a star. 1.4782 0.01767 1650 1080 351 219
62 Everyone just walks all over me. 1.4780 0.01572 1707 1038 522 147
63 I look in the mirror and suddenly I'm 4.5 billion years old. And what have I done with my life? 1.4748 0.01812 1548 1013 335 200
64 My wife thinks I'm at the planetarium. 1.4741 0.01846 1563 1043 299 221
65 Work's been crazy - I've been on a non-stop rotation 24/7! 1.4714 0.01820 1523 999 330 194
66 Have you got anything that will stop the spinning? 1.4708 0.01828 1506 988 327 191
67 Tomorrow I'll be right back where I started. 1.4706 0.01824 1464 949 341 174
68 What I need now is love, sweet love. 1.4689 0.02471 836 553 174 109
69 OK, I'll put in in your language: The temperature of "room temperature" beer is getting too warm even for the Brits. 1.4647 0.02062 1134 739 263 132
70 Don't judge me. I know for a fact it's five o'clock somewhere. 1.4627 0.02010 1273 853 251 169
71 It isn't the heat, it's the stupidity. 1.4613 0.01954 1292 854 280 158
72 Can I get more ice? Mine melted. 1.4610 0.01886 1423 950 290 183
73 If Venus calls, I’m not here. 1.4587 0.01842 1393 910 327 156
74 They say the earth's getting hotter, but I'm still single. 1.4582 0.01957 1281 849 277 155
75 I'm running low on ice. 1.4574 0.01886 1220 775 332 113
76 Last call? Why, yes. Yes it is. 1.4560 0.01927 1296 856 289 151
77 I feel I’m always half in the dark! 1.4556 0.01945 1238 810 292 136
78 Yeah, I'm new here. What did the Old World order? 1.4481 0.02145 1011 668 233 110
79 What a millennium I'm having. 1.4477 0.01974 1108 714 292 102
80 People walk all over me. 1.4451 0.01883 1056 653 336 67
81 I’ve got to cut back, one day I’m drowning Burning Man, and the next I’m frying Phoenix. 1.4423 0.02103 979 637 251 91
82 It’s 5:00 somewhere. 1.4400 0.02201 975 656 209 110
83 Is the room spinning or is it me? 1.4396 0.02143 969 639 234 96
84 I need more ice. 1.4394 0.02121 1040 698 227 115
85 I'll take whatever stops the spinning. 1.4390 0.02009 1073 702 271 100
86 She said, ‘It’s like we’re from different planets,’ and just walked out. 1.4389 0.02128 1064 722 217 125
87 Hey, uh, Frank, can I get a bit more ice? 1.4385 0.02153 1033 700 213 120
88 I stopped drinking and then this climate change thing came up. 1.4383 0.02164 956 633 227 96
89 The sun? Ugh, that guy thinks everything revolves around him. 1.4371 0.02178 986 664 213 109
90 Yes, I’m round! Why is that so hard to believe? 1.4366 0.02153 962 638 228 96
91 I've only been carded once, at a Creationism mixer. 1.4357 0.02294 902 612 187 103
92 The flat-earthers called me fat! 1.4354 0.02205 937 627 212 98
93 Aw, I’m already polluted. 1.4344 0.02207 914 608 215 91
94 They refuse to acknowledge my preference and keep calling me mother. 1.4343 0.02293 944 652 174 118
95 Anything but oil. 1.4337 0.02187 913 604 222 87
96 And then he shrugged and here I am. 1.4331 0.02363 875 602 167 106
97 I’m already 70% water...more scotch, please 1.4324 0.02266 939 644 184 111
98 You’re the biggest bartender I’ve ever seen! 1.4316 0.02337 862 587 178 97
99 Aw, c’mon, it’s 5:00 o’clock somewhere. 1.4314 0.02313 911 628 173 110
100 Global warming can make a guy very thirsty. 1.4313 0.02277 881 594 194 93
101 You're out of ice too? 1.4310 0.02369 877 607 162 108
102 I don't even know where to start. I have about 7 billion problems... 1.4297 0.02174 975 661 209 105
103 You ever think about where you'll be in five years? 1.4287 0.02246 863 575 206 82
104 I don't care what she's told you -- we're done. I'm over the moon. 1.4269 0.02276 869 587 193 89
105 I'll have another one...I give up...i've given them all the signs of climate change and they just want Hunter Biden's laptop. 1.4261 0.02517 819 582 125 112
106 Oh so thirsty, 96.5% ocean and not a drop to drink 1.4255 0.02242 832 550 210 72
107 ...and then there's "PLATE TECHTONICS" 1.4248 0.02319 831 562 185 84
108 I had it all. And then out of nowhere...daylight savings. 1.4248 0.02255 864 581 199 84
109 I think global, but I drink local. 1.4242 0.02422 759 513 170 76
110 No more for me--it feels like my head is spinning out of control. 1.4242 0.02326 745 488 198 59
111 Do you have some aspirin? I'm feeling unusually warm. 1.4237 0.02233 819 539 213 67
112 Didn’t I have an ice cap when I came in? 1.4234 0.02391 803 549 168 86
113 I really need to cool off. 1.4234 0.02240 829 549 209 71
114 To be a caption voter ‘influencer’, you need to name your weekly podcast something along the line of — ‘The New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest Podcast’. (Like Beth Lawler and Paul Nesja did.) 1.4221 0.02683 860 658 41 161
115 Paul Nesja and Beth Lawler should NOT be permitted to submit captions that they promote on their — 'New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest Podcast' (which is followed by — and guested by — those who are affiliated with the magazine and the contest)." 1.4221 0.02731 815 619 48 148
116 Oh, come on! It's five o'clock somewhere 1.4214 0.02310 871 600 175 96
117 Another ice water double…and keep ‘em coming! 1.4207 0.02303 832 564 186 82
118 I mean, come on, do I look flat to you? 1.4203 0.02377 778 527 175 76
119 I seem to be getting these hot flashes all the time. 1.4195 0.02395 770 523 171 76
120 I guess I'm just not good with people. 1.4190 0.02439 809 566 147 96
121 And I'm like, can't I have a dark side, too?" 1.4185 0.02347 798 542 178 78
122 You mean we're BOTH out of ice? 1.4185 0.02321 810 549 183 78
123 Caption contest finalists — Paul Nesja and Beth Lawler have their own podcast; whereon, they inform their loyal listeners of their weekly entries; as well as point out to them, the awfulness of the two captions that they ultimately compete against. 1.4180 0.02683 835 635 51 149
124 Believe it or not, there was a time when I was incontinent. 1.4179 0.02434 737 500 166 71
125 I don’t want to get bombed. 1.4169 0.02400 818 570 155 93
126 I just get this feeling I'm going in circles. 1.4168 0.02386 751 507 175 69
127 I woulda given her the world! 1.4159 0.02301 803 542 188 73
128 I've come to realize that everything doesn't revolve around me. 1.4153 0.02375 732 490 180 62
129 I don't care how it sounds. I miss the Covid-19 lockdown. 1.4147 0.02528 680 463 152 65
130 I only drink bottled water. 1.4146 0.02344 779 528 179 72
131 The kids are right. I'm just not as cool as I used to be. 1.4139 0.02447 674 449 171 54
132 Could use a little more ice please. 1.4133 0.02323 830 572 173 85
133 Cut me off if the room stops spinning. 1.4127 0.02426 773 536 155 82
134 So the doc says, "I got bad news for ya, you've got HUMANS". 1.4126 0.02447 761 528 152 81
135 I'm sweating all the time and no one believes me. 1.4113 0.02454 688 464 165 59
136 Just give me something that will help me forget the hot flashes 1.4113 0.02282 834 571 183 80
137 And then, he just shrugged. 1.4086 0.02747 629 445 111 73
138 All this melted ice is making me incontinent. 1.4084 0.02542 742 527 127 88
139 “It’s 5 o’clock somewhere, Jimmy.” 1.4076 0.02564 763 551 113 99
140 I’m telling you Bob, these people are killing me. 1.4069 0.02614 698 496 120 82
141 So I says to him: seven days? You kidding? 1.4036 0.02642 659 465 122 72
142 People are always complaining, ‘What’s wrong with the world these days?!’ It starts to get to you. 1.4035 0.02609 679 480 124 75
143 She said I was flat! Do I look flat to you? 1.4034 0.02573 652 451 139 62
144 My equator says to close out the tab, but my polar cap is saying vodka and make it a double. 1.4024 0.02542 656 452 144 60
145 So I says to him I says, "Pluto! You are not a planet!" But does he listen? 1.4006 0.02640 659 467 120 72
146 My wife complains I’m fat but it’s mostly water weight. 1.4000 0.02528 705 497 134 74
147 Let me apologize in advance. I just passed some greenhouse gas. 1.4000 0.02758 595 420 112 63
148 Now she's complaining I'm TOO hot! 1.3985 0.02497 665 458 149 58
149 And then she says, 'Quit acting like everything revolves around you.' 1.3981 0.02529 643 442 146 55
150 I've got stage 4 humans 1.3980 0.02720 603 425 116 62
151 I don’t know, Mac. Maybe it’s “the change” but I feel hot all the time these days. 1.3979 0.02566 666 467 133 66
152 I feel like I'm just constantly going around in circles. 1.3974 0.02444 682 468 157 57
153 Can I get some ice? 1.3971 0.02431 680 465 160 55
154 At least when you shout “Last call” they take you seriously. 1.3967 0.02772 605 433 104 68
155 I used to be cool! 1.3951 0.02504 648 446 148 54
156 Life was better during the Paleozoic. 1.3946 0.02654 626 442 121 63
157 How to be a caption finalist: A) Have a weekly podcast (to promote your captions); and, B) Submit each caption, several times (using different email addresses); so that voters won’t have to wade through thousands of entries, to get to your caption. 1.3944 0.03058 606 466 41 99
158 Save my seat—I’ll be back in twenty-four hours. 1.3936 0.02854 564 404 98 62
159 My name isn’t Paul Nesja. Can I be a caption finalist, too? 1.3931 0.02744 720 546 65 109
160 What have you got on the menu for a Low Carbon Diet? 1.3929 0.02876 537 381 101 55
161 It's always "You're too hot!", "You're too cold!", "You're unpredictable!". And never "How are you feeling?" 1.3928 0.02669 639 457 113 69
162 A plastic cup? Really? 1.3925 0.02604 642 453 126 63
163 more ice please, mine's melting 1.3917 0.02553 605 415 143 47
164 And just like that, Pluto was gone! 1.3908 0.02633 568 390 134 44
165 No I dont want to look at Uranus again 1.3907 0.02670 581 405 125 51
166 Everything was going great until people showed up. 1.3902 0.02687 569 396 124 49
167 Must caption finalists frequently be those who have self-promoting podcasts, and/or those who vote for themselves, hundreds of times (by creating bogus New Yorker accounts, using throwaway email addresses)?” 1.3894 0.03009 642 502 30 110
168 All my ice has melted. 1.3878 0.02501 575 387 153 35
169 Think globally. Drink locally. 1.3877 0.02792 552 391 108 53
170 Doc says I'm bipolar 1.3871 0.02728 589 420 110 59
171 And she said, get this, I wasn't hot enough. Well I'll show her! 1.3869 0.02685 579 407 120 52
172 And if that isn’t enough, now they want to leave me for Mars 1.3865 0.02782 564 402 106 56
173 Sorry, my ice has melted" 1.3858 0.02523 591 404 146 41
174 There I was. Happy and content for billions of years. Then it happened. People ... PEOPLE! And there's nothing you can take for that. 1.3852 0.02901 553 403 87 63
175 Excuse me, my ice has melted. 1.3834 0.02564 592 410 137 45
176 I'm not drunk, I'm tilted on my axis. 1.3833 0.02886 480 335 106 39
177 Venus was here? Did she mention me? 1.3817 0.02825 545 391 100 54
178 I told her I needed some space. 1.3810 0.02556 559 382 141 36
179 Actually, the moon is a real asshole. 1.3795 0.02693 585 418 112 55
180 On the rocks, please. Lots of them. 1.3785 0.02780 494 343 115 36
181 Global warming? I thought it was just menopause. 1.3781 0.02822 529 378 102 49
182 I'm telling ya, what goes around, comes around. 1.3779 0.02757 553 395 107 51
183 I’m tired of everyone walking all over me. 1.3778 0.02916 450 313 104 33
184 Hey, so what happened to the atmosphere? 1.3757 0.02820 519 370 103 46
185 And on top of all that, my shrink says I'm bipolar. 1.3743 0.02925 545 404 78 63
186 I could use some more ice. 1.3740 0.02720 524 368 116 40
187 These hot flashes are getting worse 1.3732 0.02723 568 409 106 53
188 Then she says, " We don't travel in the same orbit" 1.3728 0.02899 515 374 90 51
189 Of course I drink alone! Jupiter and Saturn - just huge and gassy. Venus is cold as hell, Neptune's gone sideways, Pluto's out the club, and moon can't even reach the bar! Just keep 'em coming... 1.3725 0.03079 459 334 79 46
190 I just feel like I'm going in circles. 1.3722 0.02596 497 337 135 25
191 Damn right it's always 5 o'clock somewhere. 1.3702 0.02948 524 388 78 58
192 Warmest summer in recorded history and she tells me I’m ‘not hot enough’ for her… 1.3699 0.03193 438 325 65 48
193 I offered her the world but she wanted the moon and the stars. 1.3694 0.02989 471 341 86 44
194 What do you mean last call, I'm just warming up. 1.3691 0.02867 485 346 99 40
195 ...and then she accuses me of being "bipolar"! 1.3690 0.03003 496 366 77 53
196 It all started with a big bang. 1.3677 0.03042 446 322 84 40
197 These days I revolve around gin. 1.3674 0.03206 479 365 52 62
198 This bar has no atmosphere. 1.3674 0.02727 509 359 113 37
199 And she thinks everything revolves around her 1.3667 0.02847 510 369 95 46
200 Yeah, I know, small world. 1.3658 0.03027 462 337 81 44
201 Is the room spinning, or is it just me? 1.3643 0.02978 560 430 56 74
202 Earth to bartender! 1.3641 0.03139 423 308 76 39
203 No more, I'm polluted! 1.3632 0.03076 435 316 80 39
204 Me? I’m the 3rd one out of 8. Used to be 9, but we don’t even mention him anymore . 1.3626 0.03125 422 307 77 38
205 Is the room starting to spin or is it just me?" 1.3625 0.02646 480 331 124 25
206 Her name was Venus. She was so hot, but she traveled in different circles. 1.3621 0.02993 475 349 80 46
207 Is it hot, or is it just me? 1.3601 0.02835 436 305 105 26
208 So how come people listen when YOU shout "last call!"? 1.3598 0.02964 428 305 92 31
209 When my continents start drifting, call a cab 1.3591 0.02867 479 346 94 39
210 Is it just me or is it getting warmer around here? 1.3590 0.02643 493 344 121 28
211 I'm tired of listening to Sun. He thinks everything revolves around him. 1.3590 0.03013 429 309 86 34
212 Seriously? Do I look Flat to you? 1.3589 0.02809 482 345 101 36
213 The room's spinning. Or is it just me? 1.3581 0.02958 444 320 89 35
214 I thought being named to the Hottest Planets list would make me more popular, but everyone is mad at me. 1.3581 0.02959 458 333 86 39
215 You think global warming is the only thing on my mind. Try getting fracked. 1.3580 0.03098 405 292 81 32
216 Turns out I've got Humans. The doctor gave me six weeks. 1.3570 0.03312 395 294 61 40
217 If that's Venus calling, tell her I'm not here ! 1.3566 0.03139 401 291 77 33
218 Is the A.C. working in this joint? I’m melting over here. 1.3564 0.02811 477 342 100 35
219 Is it me or is the room spinning? 1.3558 0.03076 430 315 77 38
220 Is it getting hotter in here,is it just me? 1.3546 0.02874 454 326 95 33
221 No more for me. I'm quite polluted already. 1.3544 0.03250 395 292 66 37
222 Your polar cap is melting too, huh? 1.3540 0.03096 452 338 68 46
223 I'm 5 billion years old - and having hot flashes like I'm 40! 1.3534 0.02939 498 372 76 50
224 Yeah, Venus is hot, but she's way out of my orbit. 1.3529 0.03229 408 304 64 40
225 Did you turn the heat up or it just me? 1.3527 0.02933 448 325 88 35
226 And then he shrugged! 1.3524 0.02816 471 339 98 34
227 What on earth do you want now? 1.3514 0.03100 407 297 77 33
228 No ice? Join the club! 1.3511 0.02869 413 291 99 23
229 This place could use a little atmosphere. 1.3507 0.02976 442 323 83 36
230 No more, Joe; I’m incontinent. 1.3503 0.03271 394 294 62 38
231 Wait, you don’t have any ice either? 1.3494 0.03044 435 321 76 38
232 If you heard "it's a small world after all" as many times as I have, you'd drink too. 1.3491 0.03189 401 297 68 36
233 Got anything for global warming? 1.3489 0.02936 407 290 92 25
234 I feel Ike I work so hard, and at the end of the year I’m back where I started.” 1.3489 0.03020 450 334 75 41
235 Don’t worry, the Sun’s gravity is my designated driver. 1.3470 0.03226 438 336 52 50
236 You don't know what it's like to be a small world after all. 1.3469 0.03239 392 292 64 36
237 My problem is that Republicans don't understand me. 1.3465 0.03283 404 306 56 42
238 On second thought, forget the drink, gimme more ice! 1.3463 0.02800 436 310 101 25
239 More ice, lots of ice. And hurry! 1.3458 0.02771 480 348 98 34
240 Can I get two more? I only face this way once a day. 1.3455 0.02980 440 324 80 36
241 Worst date ever! She claimed that I was actually flat, and just contorting myself to fit some UN world order narrative. 1.3452 0.03205 365 266 72 27
242 She said she needed more space. 1.3449 0.02778 403 281 105 17
243 No thanks, I’ll pass. The room is spinning! 1.3446 0.02782 444 317 101 26
244 This place has no atmosphere. 1.3444 0.02940 392 279 91 22
245 I wish I had a nickel for every person who tells me it's not the end of the world. 1.3437 0.03065 419 310 74 35
246 The kids tell me I'm not as cool as I used to be. 1.3427 0.03259 356 261 68 27
247 So you're losing your hair? I'm losing my ozone layer! 1.3426 0.03141 394 291 71 32
248 I identify as global. My pronouns are worldwide, universal and international. 1.3412 0.03172 381 281 70 30
249 He's small and gray, and he was right next to me! 1.3407 0.03156 405 303 66 36
250 So I said, it’s not the heat, it’s the stupidity! 1.3406 0.03427 320 235 61 24
251 Can I get more ice? Mine is melting. 1.3404 0.02874 376 264 96 16
252 And then things started to get heated… 1.3404 0.03041 376 271 82 23
253 Dude, I am so fucked. 1.3398 0.03210 412 313 58 41
254 I used to be able to hold my groundwater for decades! 1.3385 0.03158 390 290 68 32
255 Believe me, my other half has a very dark side! 1.3375 0.02826 400 284 97 19
256 Three billion inhabited planets, and I get the nut jobs! 1.3373 0.03346 338 250 62 26
257 It’s not just the heat, it’s the stupidity. 1.3370 0.03465 365 281 45 39
258 My life revolves around my sun. 1.3369 0.03054 377 274 79 24
259 I mean, I want to believe I'm round, but whenever I look in a mirror, all I see is 'flat'. 1.3367 0.03186 392 294 64 34
260 This is like 2/3 water. 1.3366 0.02788 413 294 99 20
261 As if everything revolves around her?! 1.3365 0.02903 419 305 87 27
262 Hello! Earth to Larry!! 1.3365 0.03407 318 234 61 23
263 That earthquake really shook me up. 1.3363 0.03131 342 246 77 19
264 I’m telling you Frank. Sell the condo in Boca. 1.3360 0.03335 381 291 52 38
265 You sure you haven't seen her? A small, grey sphere. Answers to "Luna." 1.3356 0.03079 435 330 64 41
266 I just feel like every time I turn around another day has passed me by 1.3343 0.03342 338 251 61 26
267 She said I was hot and left. 1.3342 0.03044 374 272 79 23
268 But my head always feels like it's spinning. 1.3342 0.03030 401 296 76 29
269 Venus is hot but out of my orbit. 1.3333 0.03066 378 277 76 25
270 I feel like I've just been going round in circles. 1.3333 0.02979 390 284 82 24
271 It’s been a rough summer. 1.3333 0.02949 354 251 88 15
272 I don't know. I've been having these hot flashes lately. 1.3325 0.03037 403 299 74 30
273 Is everything spinning or is it just me? 1.3324 0.02973 364 261 85 18
274 And that is just in the northern hemisphere 1.3324 0.03022 355 255 82 18
275 Be honest, is my ice receding? 1.3323 0.03446 334 252 53 29
276 Is this room spinning right now? 1.3315 0.03305 368 279 56 33
277 What do you mean you're out of ice? 1.3314 0.03187 353 260 69 24
278 I'll see you same time tomorrow. 1.3312 0.03308 314 229 66 19
279 Let me tell you, Joe. I've got a lot on my tectonic plates. 1.3307 0.03074 384 284 73 27
280 I gave you humans everything I have, but you just treat me like a garbage bin. I need another drink. 1.3303 0.03197 330 240 71 19
281 You're the only one that listens to me. 1.3301 0.02652 412 290 108 14
282 If I'm Earth, what are you standing on? 1.3295 0.03946 261 199 38 24
283 I think I'm going to need more ice. 1.3294 0.02948 337 238 87 12
284 Another day, another round. 1.3290 0.03186 383 289 62 32
285 And for the record, I'm not a mother. 1.3289 0.03066 377 278 74 25
286 I knew him, yes, but then he shrugged! 1.3289 0.03679 298 227 44 27
287 Can I get some moonshine? 1.3288 0.03069 368 270 75 23
288 Do I really look like Gorbachev? 1.3274 0.03598 281 209 52 20
289 I’m done with the cosmos. Give me a whiskey. 1.3272 0.03120 379 283 68 28
290 I'm gonna need a little ice. 1.3270 0.03181 318 230 72 16
291 Make it a double, I just found out I have asteroids. 1.3270 0.03531 315 239 49 27
292 I think you know my ‘sun’! 1.3258 0.03359 310 229 61 20
293 She was my universe, man. 1.3256 0.02916 433 324 77 32
294 'hello, earth to bartender.....' 1.3256 0.03364 344 261 54 29
295 I'm a hot mess. 1.3256 0.03313 344 259 58 27
296 And the hot flashes, they just keep coming. 1.3255 0.03385 341 259 53 29
297 Sometimes I just get tired of going around in circles 1.3255 0.03451 298 221 57 20
298 And I've been having hot flashes like there's no tomorrow! 1.3254 0.03381 338 256 54 28
299 Definitely on the rocks. 1.3252 0.04331 206 156 33 17
300 I like coming for the atmosphere. 1.3249 0.02897 437 327 78 32
301 Do I look flat to you? 1.3246 0.03148 345 254 70 21
302 My ice melted. 1.3246 0.03326 342 258 57 27
303 I can't stop thinking about Venus - She's not just bright. She's really hot. 1.3242 0.03569 330 256 41 33
304 The moon keeps complaining about being in my shadow. I hope it's just a phase. 1.3242 0.03523 293 219 53 21
305 So then––and no, I'm not kidding––my doctor tells me, 'The foreseeable future will be utter hell.' 1.3238 0.03201 349 260 65 24
306 You spend billions of years to get it right, then they stumble upon the Industrial Revolution and arrogantly think they know how to do better and, in a blink of an eye, phhtt! 1.3233 0.03333 300 220 63 17
307 And I'm just getting warmed up! 1.3231 0.03611 294 223 47 24
308 You know, Joe, I've never really recovered from that big bang . 1.3229 0.03347 353 270 52 31
309 Why can't everything revolve around me? 1.3229 0.02882 415 307 82 26
310 Who's gonna hire a four-and-a-half-billion-year-old planet? 1.3223 0.03454 301 225 55 21
311 Cut me off. I'm starting to spin. 1.3220 0.03141 354 263 68 23
312 So, do you know this Venus? She's about my size, very bright, and hot. 1.3220 0.02779 410 298 92 20
313 I plan on getting drunk off my axis. 1.3218 0.03478 317 241 50 26
314 Is it me, or is it getting hotter in here everyday? 1.3213 0.03105 333 243 73 17
315 Can I get some ice? I feel warm all over. 1.3210 0.03038 324 233 78 13
316 It's a birthmark. Why? 1.3208 0.03484 293 219 54 20
317 First of all, no one NEEDS a Jeep! 1.3205 0.03209 312 228 68 16
318 Help! I’ve been drawn by a cartoonist looking to elicit a flood of virtue-signaling captions! 1.3204 0.03706 334 267 27 40
319 It's been a long Anthropocene. 1.3204 0.03240 334 249 63 22
320 Excuse me, I’m going to need some ice. 1.3201 0.03318 353 270 53 30
321 I think I'm overheated 1.3197 0.02968 319 227 82 10
322 Be honest. Does this outfit make me look flat? 1.3194 0.03367 382 301 40 41
323 You didn’t know the earth was a heavy drinker? I didn’t know the moon was a nosy bartender. 1.3190 0.03424 348 270 45 33
324 Excuse me, I asked for the carbon neutral! 1.3182 0.03233 308 226 66 16
325 And after four and half billion years of showing my whole self every day, the moon still won’t show me her dark side. 1.3180 0.03283 327 245 60 22
326 I’m not drunk. I’m always spinning on a tilt. 1.3180 0.02920 327 233 84 10
327 It's always five o'clock somewhere. 1.3178 0.03069 365 272 70 23
328 You have to cut me off after 3 martinis or I reverse polarity and everyone dies. 1.3176 0.03481 340 265 42 33
329 Yes, I'm over 21 1.3175 0.03152 315 230 70 15
330 My ice melted again. 1.3173 0.03421 312 236 53 23
331 ...and to top it off, she said I needed a latitude adjustment. 1.3172 0.03392 331 253 51 27
332 Tell me the truth. Do I look flat? 1.3169 0.03237 325 242 63 20
333 They scoffed at me when I told them about my invisible friend; now "dark matter" is all they can talk about. 1.3161 0.03435 310 235 52 23
334 And what’s with all the phases of the moon? Just pick one. 1.3152 0.02872 368 268 84 16
335 Give me all the ice you have. 1.3148 0.02968 378 281 75 22
336 You ever feel like you’re just spinning in circles? 1.3147 0.03271 340 258 57 25
337 Something cool, please. 1.3146 0.02767 356 254 92 10
338 Where's the can? I can feel my sea levels rising,. 1.3143 0.03303 315 236 59 20
339 Make mine on the rocks, I've been getting some hot flashes lately 1.3128 0.02811 390 286 86 18
340 You ever feel like you're just going in circles? 1.3127 0.03145 355 268 63 24
341 So I'm like, 'Proof of age? Really?' 1.3125 0.03375 336 259 49 28
342 I’m so fracked. 1.3121 0.03116 314 230 70 14
343 I’ve got a fracking headache 1.3112 0.03140 347 261 64 22
344 You won't believe the summer I just had. 1.3109 0.02923 341 248 80 13
345 And don't get me started about the drilling. 1.3104 0.03015 335 246 74 15
346 It just feels like a world of hurt! 1.3104 0.02955 335 244 78 13
347 Something to cool me off, please! 1.3104 0.03136 364 277 61 26
348 Some days, I just miss Pluto. 1.3103 0.03237 319 239 61 19
349 And then I told her that the world doesn't revolve around her. 1.3102 0.03480 303 232 48 23
350 She said we "weren't on the same axis." 1.3098 0.03261 297 220 62 15
351 Joe,you ever get the feeling no one cares if you live or die? 1.3098 0.03431 297 225 52 20
352 It’s always 5 o’clock somewhere. 1.3096 0.03494 281 212 51 18
353 Wait, am I drinking my own water? 1.3095 0.03489 294 224 49 21
354 I'm just getting warmed up. 1.3091 0.03248 317 238 60 19
355 Doesn't it feel warm in here?" 1.3086 0.03374 324 249 50 25
356 You people will be the death of me . 1.3082 0.03186 292 214 66 12
357 Do I look like I need ice!? 1.3082 0.03235 305 227 62 16
358 7 billion martinis, please. 1.3080 0.03645 276 212 43 21
359 Nobody understands the gravity of my situation. 1.3074 0.03626 270 206 45 19
360 Excuse me, but by "on the rocks" I meant something igneous or metamorphic. 1.3070 0.02939 342 251 77 14
361 I'll give you a hundred bucks for 5 minutes in the walk-in. 1.3067 0.03302 300 225 58 17
362 My whole life I've been going in circles. 1.3066 0.03473 274 206 52 16
363 If I had any idea, I would never have allowed them to land in the first place. 1.3065 0.03478 310 240 45 25
364 I wish he WOULD go to Mars. 1.3065 0.02994 310 225 75 10
365 The last time God threw a rock at me, I was scared. Now, I'm like; "hello darkness my old friend". 1.3065 0.03478 310 240 45 25
366 I suspect he is seeing other planets. 1.3059 0.03496 304 235 45 24
367 More ice, please. Mine has melted 1.3059 0.03202 340 259 58 23
368 I hope they leave for Mars soon. 1.3056 0.03194 337 256 59 22
369 I can't shake the feeling. Like something's crawling all over me 1.3055 0.03501 275 208 50 17
370 I can’t get these people off my back! 1.3049 0.03391 305 233 51 21
371 Could you put some ice in my drink? I need to cool down. 1.3040 0.03099 329 246 66 17
372 People are walking all over me. 1.3038 0.03635 260 198 45 17
373 My life is going around and around, day after day! 1.3038 0.03021 316 232 72 12
374 And I told them, 'listen, you'd self-medicate too, if you'd had the epoch I'm having!' 1.3030 0.03213 297 221 62 14
375 Oh, boo-hoo. ‘I’ haven’t had a vacation in 4 billion years! 1.3027 0.03233 294 219 61 14
376 So then I asked em’ “what do you mean my temperature is rising?” 1.3026 0.03264 304 229 58 17
377 "Global warming. Global hunger. Global terror. Why is it always about me?" 1.3026 0.03719 271 211 38 22
378 Can I have some more ice, please? 1.3019 0.03197 318 240 60 18
379 I ever tell you about me and Pluto? 1.3019 0.03228 318 241 58 19
380 So, how do these rising seas look on me? 1.3016 0.03085 305 225 68 12
381 "How would you like to spin on your axis 24 hours a day?" 1.3015 0.03529 262 198 49 15
382 The truth is, I’ve changed. 1.3011 0.03506 269 204 49 16
383 Do you ever get that 'stop the solar system I want to get off' feeling? 1.3009 0.03181 329 250 59 20
384 I used to be big - people thought I was the center of the universe. 1.3007 0.03250 296 222 59 15
385 One drunken night with Venus and BOOM I have a moon now! 1.3006 0.03239 316 240 57 19
386 Welcome to my world. 1.3006 0.03141 326 246 62 18
387 You need the ice, I need the ice. Who knew ice was so important? 1.3003 0.03446 293 225 48 20
388 Yes, I am 71% water, but after this summer, I need a drink! 1.3000 0.03183 290 215 63 12
389 Then she says, ‘It’s not like I’m asking for the moon.’ 1.2993 0.03759 284 226 31 27
390 You ever feel like you're spinning? 1.2991 0.03334 331 258 47 26
391 It’s been a long day. 1.2991 0.03078 321 240 66 15
392 Is it warm in here or is it just me? 1.2990 0.03476 301 234 44 23
393 Did you moon me? 1.2989 0.03399 281 213 52 16
394 So then,as a joke,I ordered the Baked Alaska. 1.2989 0.03561 271 208 45 18
395 Keep ’em coming. My girl Luna is going through another one of her phases. 1.2989 0.03637 271 210 41 20
396 Buddy, I gotta world of troubles. 1.2984 0.03210 315 239 58 18
397 It feels like I'm just goin' around in circles. 1.2984 0.03273 315 241 54 20
398 Keep the climate change. 1.2979 0.03238 292 219 59 14
399 I see your ice is melting, too. 1.2974 0.02890 306 222 77 7
400 Sometimes I feel so alone in the universe; the other planets I meet are all so lifeless... 1.2972 0.03498 286 221 45 20
401 Make it a double. I have a world of trouble. 1.2970 0.03359 303 233 50 20
402 People, am I right? 1.2964 0.03690 280 221 35 24
403 So I asked them, "Do I look flat to you?" 1.2955 0.03318 308 237 51 20
404 I'd like the Tectonic Plate, please. 1.2955 0.03813 264 209 32 23
405 I just feel like no one gets it.... 1.2955 0.03197 264 194 62 8
406 Why is there plastic in my drink? 1.2955 0.03619 264 204 42 18
407 I'm in a world of hurt tonight. 1.2953 0.03117 298 222 64 12
408 I feel like I'm taken for granite 1.2953 0.03081 298 221 66 11
409 Water? Water? I'm two thirds Water. Now pour me a whiskey! 1.2953 0.03760 254 198 37 19
410 They only ever ask about my temperature, not my feelings. 1.2950 0.03688 261 203 39 19
411 You'd drink too... 1.2949 0.03082 356 274 59 23
412 It's a hell of a thing, the politicians in Washington are older than I am. 1.2949 0.03418 295 228 47 20
413 What is the name of the continent on the back of your head? 1.2948 0.03770 268 212 33 23
414 I don't know if it's obvious, but i've been going through a lot of changes lately 1.2947 0.03125 302 226 63 13
415 So I said, sure I'll take 'em. Now all the other planets laugh at me. 1.2941 0.03199 306 232 58 16
416 And to top it off, then I got mooned! 1.2941 0.03635 289 229 35 25
417 They say I've never been hotter, yet Venus still won't give me the time of day. 1.2941 0.03618 272 212 40 20
418 It's a birthmark! 1.2939 0.03183 313 238 58 17
419 It was just one joke. I didn’t know Uranus was so sensitive. 1.2939 0.03442 279 214 48 17
420 It feels like there's 8 billion of them. 1.2935 0.03598 293 232 36 25
421 Continental Breakfast. 1.2932 0.02799 307 222 80 5
422 Everywhere I go, I hear "The world just ain't what it used to be." 1.2931 0.03279 290 220 55 15
423 Yeah but my problems are your problems. 1.2929 0.03364 297 229 49 19
424 Is it me or has it gotten warmer in here? 1.2928 0.03343 304 235 49 20
425 If Mother Nature calls, tell her I’m not here. 1.2927 0.03617 287 227 36 24
426 Sometimes I feel like I have the weight of me on my shoulders. 1.2924 0.03604 277 217 39 21
427 If he’s elected, I’m moving to Mercury. 1.2920 0.03833 226 174 38 14
428 I'm in a relationship with 8 billion people; and it's just not working out. 1.2920 0.03440 250 188 51 11
429 I just came in to cool off. 1.2920 0.03710 250 194 39 17
430 Bring back the whole bottle. 1.2917 0.02858 288 208 76 4
431 Your reviews say you have a good atmosphere? 1.2913 0.03078 333 254 61 18
432 Australia is really burning my ass! 1.2913 0.03107 333 255 59 19
433 I could really use some water. 1.2912 0.03160 285 213 61 11
434 ID? I’m 4.543 billion years old. 1.2912 0.03836 261 208 30 23
435 Tourism is way down. Now it's Mars, Mars, Mars. 1.2910 0.03649 268 210 38 20
436 I'll take another, people talk about having the world on their shoulders as if it's a bad thing. 1.2908 0.03192 306 233 57 16
437 Have you ever felt like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders? 1.2905 0.03333 296 228 50 18
438 I feel like I just keep going in circles 1.2905 0.03617 241 184 44 13
439 You think you’ve got problems? Welcome to my world! 1.2904 0.03336 272 206 53 13
440 More ice, please. Much more ice. 1.2904 0.03536 303 241 36 26
441 And then she tells me I mean the world to her. 1.2903 0.03723 279 223 31 25
442 It's like having 8 billion ungrateful bed bugs. 1.2900 0.03713 269 213 34 22
443 And that's just the industrial revolution. You would not believe what happened next! 1.2898 0.03646 314 256 25 33
444 Okay, stop me if you've heard it. 8 million people walk into a bar... 1.2895 0.03627 266 208 39 19
445 Keep ‘‘em coming! It’s been a bad year!! 1.2895 0.03953 228 179 32 17
446 Let's be honest - I miss the dinosaurs. 1.2894 0.03523 273 212 43 18
447 I told her, it's mostly water weight! 1.2890 0.03655 263 206 38 19
448 How would you like people talking about a hole in your southern hemisphere? 1.2885 0.03756 253 199 35 19
449 The truth is I'm incontinent 1.2885 0.03476 260 199 47 14
450 Excuse me, either your barstool is wet or another one of my icecaps has melted. 1.2884 0.03575 267 208 41 18
451 What I would really like is to meet a large gas giant, settle down, and raise a couple of moons. 1.2883 0.03511 274 213 43 18
452 Would it kill them to call their mother? 1.2883 0.03261 281 213 55 13
453 Could I get something with more of an earthy tone? 1.2880 0.02888 309 228 73 8
454 My moon doesn't understand me. 1.2879 0.03223 264 197 58 9
455 Hey, can I pay with plastic? 1.2878 0.03399 278 214 48 16
456 And I can never figure out where to go on vacation! 1.2875 0.03853 240 189 33 18
457 What do you mean 'you can't do anything about the ice melting'? 1.2873 0.03278 268 202 55 11
458 Could I please have some ice? 1.2872 0.02965 289 213 69 7
459 And now my doctor says I need to cut back on my drinking because my sea levels are rising! 1.2872 0.03417 289 225 45 19
460 …I’m actually not a people person. 1.2864 0.03980 213 166 33 14
461 I'm really just a small world. 1.2863 0.03428 255 194 49 12
462 Don’t worry about drink size—I’m already polluted. 1.2862 0.03355 283 218 49 16
463 He's leaving me for Mars! 1.2857 0.03301 280 214 52 14
464 Sometimes you gotta just call it a day 1.2857 0.03358 287 222 48 17
465 You think you've got problems!? I gotta be carbon neutral by 2037! 1.2852 0.03268 263 198 55 10
466 If I’m here, what are you standing on?! 1.2846 0.03993 246 199 24 23
467 My wife thinks I'm too geocentric. 1.2840 0.03604 250 194 41 15
468 Another hurricane please... 1.2838 0.03676 229 176 41 12
469 I’ve got a good one: Mars, Earth, and Elon walk into a bar… 1.2833 0.03610 240 185 42 13
470 I know Dionne Warwick said I need love, but what the world needs now is a drink. 1.2830 0.03661 265 210 35 20
471 My problem? People 1.2829 0.03691 258 204 35 19
472 It all started with capitalism… 1.2826 0.03205 276 209 56 11
473 Why do I drink? Have you seen the news lately? 1.2819 0.03498 298 238 36 24
474 If I got a nickel every time someone said, "It's a small world..." 1.2815 0.03722 238 186 37 15
475 I just don’t know what I’m coming to… 1.2815 0.03453 270 210 44 16
476 Ever feel like there are billions of bugs crawling all over you? 1.2810 0.03338 274 211 49 14
477 It's like they're *trying* to kill me. 1.2810 0.03678 242 189 38 15
478 At first I thought it was just menopause, but now I am quite certain it is global warming. 1.2809 0.04033 235 190 24 21
479 Problems? Dude, I got problems on a global scale. 1.2805 0.03917 221 174 32 15
480 More ice cubes please, and can you turn up the AC? 1.2803 0.03585 264 208 38 18
481 Then she says I’m from Mars and she’s from Venus! 1.2803 0.03294 289 224 49 16
482 Gimmie the next one on the rocks - my ice has melted. 1.2801 0.03128 307 236 56 15
483 Is it me, or is it getting hotter out there? 1.2799 0.03467 268 209 43 16
484 Why do I have hands? 1.2797 0.03654 261 207 35 19
485 Straight up. I'm already 71% water. 1.2797 0.03490 236 180 46 10
486 Things are heating up for me. 1.2792 0.03064 283 213 61 9
487 Can you believe the weather? 1.2791 0.03641 258 204 36 18
488 Pretty soon, we’ll all be drinking neat. 1.2788 0.04002 226 181 27 18
489 And last night,she said “It’s a small world!” 1.2786 0.03245 280 215 52 13
490 and the hot flashes, never been this bad ! 1.2785 0.03628 237 184 40 13
491 I like it here. Everybody knows my name. 1.2785 0.03677 237 185 38 14
492 I joined the Flat Earth Society to try and lose a few pounds. 1.2780 0.03727 223 173 38 12
493 I feel like I can't stop spinning. 1.2780 0.02905 295 220 68 7
494 ...And don't even get me started on the wildfires... 1.2778 0.03825 252 203 28 21
495 Have you run out of ice too? 1.2776 0.03158 263 198 57 8
496 Oh brother, if I hear another person say that they carry the world on their shoulders 1.2773 0.03663 238 186 38 14
497 Look, I’m depressed for good reasons. It’s not just because I’m bi-polar! 1.2772 0.03318 303 239 44 20
498 I’m not as Worldly as I look!! 1.2768 0.03174 289 222 54 13
499 He'll never find a better planet then me. 1.2767 0.03281 253 192 52 9
500 No! I'm just a marble. 1.2762 0.03650 239 187 38 14
501 She told me she needed some space 1.2760 0.03628 250 197 37 16
502 May I have more ice? 1.2759 0.03215 261 198 54 9
503 They tell me the first step is admitting I have a problem. 1.2757 0.02954 272 202 65 5
504 Parched doesn't begin to describe it. 1.2757 0.03363 243 185 49 9
505 Hey, all of my ice has melted! 1.2756 0.03698 225 175 38 12
506 Excuse me, do you have any more ice? Mine melted too quickly. 1.2754 0.03824 236 188 31 17
507 I need another round to get through the day 1.2754 0.03228 276 212 52 12
508 Why must it always be Mercator! 1.2753 0.03227 247 186 54 7
509 You don’t understand how fragile I am right now! 1.2752 0.03834 258 210 25 23
510 If you had this many humans living with you, you would also be constantly drunk. 1.2747 0.03660 233 182 38 13
511 Keep the ice coming! 1.2745 0.03259 255 194 52 9
512 Is it the drink, or am I spinning? 1.2744 0.03553 266 211 37 18
513 What ID? I am older than dirt. 1.2742 0.03507 248 193 42 13
514 And the worst of it is the hot flashes. 1.2742 0.03461 248 192 44 12
515 So I'm on this date with Mercury, who is just super hot by the way, and then I literally start erupting. She excused herself and told me she needed to spend more time with her sun. 1.2739 0.03764 241 192 32 17
516 Ever feel like you've got the weight of . . . forget it, I'm drunk. 1.2738 0.03647 252 200 35 17
517 You are huge. 1.2738 0.03194 263 200 54 9
518 Why does everything revolve around me! 1.2736 0.03043 307 236 58 13
519 On the rocks. On second thought, just the rocks. 1.2735 0.03660 223 173 39 11
520 Are you out of ice, too? 1.2731 0.03554 238 185 41 12
521 ”I’m the world, and I matter, damn it! 1.2731 0.03401 249 192 46 11
522 Please, no more nuts! 1.2731 0.03401 249 192 46 11
523 Can I have some more ice? Mine keeps melting. 1.2727 0.03228 264 202 52 10
524 So she says to me "take out the trash already" so I says to her "where do you expect me to take 145 trillion tons of trash?" 1.2723 0.03999 213 170 28 15
525 Whoa! I can't stop spinning! 1.2720 0.03111 261 197 57 7
526 I'm 4.5 Billion years old--and 70% water, just like your drinks. 1.2720 0.03483 250 195 42 13
527 My drink is flat. 1.2719 0.03810 228 181 32 15
528 I tell you these changes I'm going through are not natural! 1.2717 0.03417 276 218 41 17
529 I'm just warming up. 1.2716 0.03549 243 190 40 13
530 Who cares if I'm flat or round? Can't I just be loved for who I am? 1.2712 0.03569 236 184 40 12
531 Hey, I need some ice 1.2711 0.03281 273 212 48 13
532 One for the orbit, please. 1.2711 0.03198 273 210 52 11
533 She said she wanted someone cooler. 1.2710 0.03576 214 164 42 8
534 I'm sick of people. 1.2710 0.03372 262 204 45 13
535 So then I find out that my brother 'Pluto' isn't really my brother at all! 1.2706 0.03764 218 171 35 12
536 Part of me feels like my days are getting shorter. 1.2706 0.03248 255 195 51 9
537 A little more ice, please? 1.2703 0.03483 259 204 40 15
538 I'm getting tired of everyone carrying me on their shoulders. 1.2702 0.03589 248 196 37 15
539 The Sun, that bastard, won’t take even one single iota of responsibility. He’s like, “It’s not me. It’s you!” 1.2701 0.04020 211 169 27 15
540 It's five o'clock everywhere. 1.2700 0.03402 237 182 46 9
541 Am running out of ice !! 1.2700 0.03295 237 180 50 7
542 Can I get some ice with that? 1.2698 0.03622 215 166 40 9
543 No one cares about to me! 1.2695 0.03046 282 215 58 9
544 Just like me, your drinks are 71% water. 1.2694 0.03571 245 193 38 14
545 I haven't had a day off in seven billion years. 1.2694 0.03293 271 211 47 13
546 Does this outfit make me look flat? 1.2692 0.04171 208 169 22 17
547 I’ve got pollution, I’ve got war, and on top of all that, I’ve got Elon Musk. 1.2691 0.03756 223 176 34 13
548 Get me some ice in this, I’m burning up! 1.2691 0.03914 223 179 28 16
549 No, thanks. I don’t need any more nuts. 1.2689 0.03755 264 216 25 23
550 It all started when I heard a big bang! 1.2688 0.03982 186 145 32 9
551 The next round is on me. 1.2688 0.03161 253 192 54 7
552 A little ice over here. I'm burning up. 1.2685 0.03486 216 165 44 7
553 Can you crank up the A/C, please? My ice caps are melting. 1.2684 0.03561 231 180 40 11
554 Are your children as ungrateful as mine? 1.2683 0.03511 246 193 40 13
555 I'm tellin' you, Joe, these 8 billion people are drivin' me to drink. 1.2681 0.03163 317 251 47 19
556 Is there anything we can do about the a/c? 1.2678 0.03271 239 182 50 7
557 She thinks I’m bipolar. 1.2677 0.03654 254 204 32 18
558 I said I want global cooling. 1.2675 0.03424 228 175 45 8
559 Give me some ice, I'm burning up 1.2673 0.03767 217 171 34 12
560 I had it all. Everything revolved around me until Copernicus shows up. 1.2670 0.04503 176 143 19 14
561 Just one more rotation. 1.2670 0.03719 221 174 35 12
562 Mercury and Venus, don't get me started. 1.2667 0.03566 240 189 38 13
563 it was so much easier when I was flat. 1.2664 0.03620 244 194 35 15
564 So she says to me,”why is it so hard to get to your core?” 1.2664 0.03277 244 187 49 8
565 Would humans say Mars is flat if they lived there? 1.2662 0.03263 263 204 48 11
566 People kill me. I mean it literally—they’re trying to kill me. 1.2662 0.03394 263 207 42 14
567 I gotta tell ya, they're killing me. 1.2661 0.03737 233 186 32 15
568 I believe I asked for saltwater. 1.2658 0.03442 237 184 43 10
569 I asked for still, not flat. 1.2655 0.03083 275 211 55 9
570 I’ve been feeling kind of flat, lately. 1.2654 0.03834 211 167 32 12
571 Is it the whiskey or did I just feel a tsunami? 1.2653 0.03607 245 195 35 15
572 And then Atlas shrugged 1.2652 0.03508 230 179 41 10
573 No more happy hour! What's the world coming to? 1.2651 0.03841 215 171 31 13
574 I tell ya, man — my inhabitants just don’t understand me. 1.2647 0.03377 238 184 45 9
575 And if you could stop using styrofoam cups, I’d really appreciate it. 1.2646 0.03262 257 199 48 10
576 Anything cool, please--I'm warming. 1.2646 0.03405 223 171 45 7
577 When I asked him who besides him was going to carry me, Atlas shrugged. 1.2645 0.03819 242 197 26 19
578 I need all the ice you've got and a shot of oxygen. 1.2641 0.03601 231 182 37 12
579 So I says, “I’ll tell you what the world is coming to!” 1.2639 0.03499 269 216 35 18
580 You would not believe the millenium I've had. 1.2638 0.03293 235 180 48 7
581 I bet you're wondering why a guy like me ordered a glass of water. 1.2638 0.03285 254 197 47 10
582 Make it look like an accident. 1.2637 0.02866 273 205 64 4
583 And on top of everything else, my poles are shifting! 1.2637 0.04022 201 161 27 13
584 You’d drink too if you had my problems. 1.2636 0.03370 220 168 46 6
585 It’s terminal – I’ve got humans. 1.2634 0.03729 224 178 33 13
586 Double up on the ice, pal, I'm dyin' here. 1.2634 0.03622 243 194 34 15
587 Keep them coming. I'm going to get polluted 1.2632 0.03187 266 206 50 10
588 I says to Copernicus, “Keep it to yourself.” Such a jerk. 1.2632 0.03467 228 177 42 9
589 Can you believe this heat? 1.2630 0.02834 270 202 65 3
590 You think you have problems!? 1.2627 0.03494 236 185 40 11
591 Hot enough for you? 1.2626 0.03663 198 153 38 7
592 Please just let me have a cold one for once 1.2625 0.03554 240 190 37 13
593 It’s not the heat, it’s the humidity! 1.2624 0.03761 221 176 32 13
594 And that was when I realized, I drink to make other planets interesting. 1.2624 0.03761 221 176 32 13
595 Hey! you really think one drink is going to do it" 1.2624 0.03116 263 202 53 8
596 I'll have another round 1.2620 0.03946 187 147 31 9
597 I swear, Sammy. Two of these and I start to wobble. 1.2620 0.03721 229 183 32 14
598 Just a big cup of ice, please. 1.2615 0.03189 218 164 51 3
599 Please no more plastic cups 1.2615 0.03681 218 172 35 11
600 The only flat thing I am is broke. 1.2611 0.03646 226 179 35 12
601 I'm feeling a little wobbly, but the doc says it's just a seasonal thing... 1.2611 0.03537 226 177 39 10
602 … and so I drink. 1.2611 0.03247 226 172 49 5
603 You call it "blacking out," I call it an eclipse. 1.2609 0.03748 207 163 34 10
604 Seriously. This drawing qualified for The New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest?! 1.2607 0.03730 257 211 25 21
605 You'd better pour me a cold one. 1.2605 0.03618 238 190 34 14
606 I’m thirsty, feverish, sweat soaked and balding. Don’t get me started! 1.2603 0.03528 242 192 37 13
607 None of the other planets have to deal with people! 1.2602 0.03886 196 155 31 10
608 My therapist says to ignore them, but what if I really am flat? 1.2601 0.03785 223 179 30 14
609 No matter who calls, I'm not here. 1.2601 0.03838 223 180 28 15
610 Everything seems to be spinning 1.2598 0.03458 254 202 38 14
611 If I turn a little, can we extend Happy Hour? 1.2597 0.04320 181 147 21 13
612 Frankly, I'm only here 'cos you have air conditioning. 1.2596 0.03159 285 224 48 13
613 Any more worldly advice? 1.2596 0.03547 235 186 37 12
614 Hey! My ice melted! 1.2594 0.03392 266 212 39 15
615 Could I get some more ice,please? 1.2593 0.03515 243 193 37 13
616 I'm, like, hello?!? There can only be one Amazon. 1.2593 0.03923 216 175 26 15
617 You know that movie 'Groundhog Day'? 1.2591 0.03818 220 177 29 14
618 I've been waiting for my sandwich since Pangea 1.2589 0.03377 224 173 44 7
619 Trust me, alcohol is the least of my problems. 1.2587 0.03944 201 161 28 12
620 A plastic cup? You moron! 1.2586 0.03678 232 186 32 14
621 You outta ice too?” 1.2585 0.03533 236 187 37 12
622 Don’t tell me that you’re out of ice! 1.2585 0.03584 236 188 35 13
623 This really is the last shot. 1.2579 0.03522 221 173 39 9
624 On the rocks. Lots of rocks. 1.2579 0.03745 190 148 35 7
625 I just need to cool off a bit, okay? 1.2577 0.03441 260 208 37 15
626 I have people 1.2577 0.03526 260 210 33 17
627 You’d think I’d be flattered, but I just don’t want to be this hot! 1.2575 0.03509 233 184 38 11
628 What's a world supposed to do? 1.2574 0.03718 237 192 29 16
629 Is it warm in here? 1.2573 0.03419 206 158 43 5
630 ...but that's just my world view 1.2571 0.03822 210 168 30 12
631 Jeez, is everyone out of ice these days? 1.2566 0.03687 226 181 32 13
632 No more thanks, but I will come back in 24 hours 1.2565 0.03590 230 183 35 12
633 another round please 1.2563 0.03700 199 156 35 8
634 Another round. More ice; hold the CO2. 1.2558 0.03757 215 172 31 12
635 Then she called me toxic. 1.2557 0.03536 219 172 38 9
636 I’ll have my usual. 71% water, 29% terra firma 1.2557 0.03594 219 173 36 10
637 More ice and make it quick! 1.2555 0.03273 274 218 42 14
638 I swear, I’m not Gorbachev. 1.2554 0.03679 231 186 31 14
639 Keep’em coming. I’m in a world of hurt right now. 1.2553 0.03430 235 185 40 10
640 Let me tell ya,I get no respect! 1.2552 0.03178 239 184 49 6
641 Of course I'm old enough to be in here. 1.2550 0.03399 200 153 43 4
642 People say they care, but it doesn’t feel that way. 1.2549 0.03766 204 162 32 10
643 So this lady comes up and says she want to teach me how to sing. 1.2549 0.04074 204 167 22 15
644 Doctor told me that my fever is rising 1.8 degrees a year 1.2549 0.03702 204 161 34 9
645 So then I sez to him, 'Buddy, you think you've got problems...' 1.2547 0.03790 212 170 30 12
646 So, my mother was a cartographer...... 1.2546 0.03683 216 172 33 11
647 I just wanted to know where you source your ice. Mine is all melting. 1.2545 0.03462 220 172 40 8
648 I could really use an icecap. 1.2541 0.03442 244 194 38 12
649 All I can say is I tried. 1.2540 0.03321 252 199 42 11
650 Can I get the next one with extra ice? 1.2537 0.03599 201 157 37 7
651 I couldn't take the heat anymore. 1.2537 0.03458 201 155 41 5
652 Next thing I knew, Atlas shrugged. 1.2537 0.03937 205 166 26 13
653 Now that I'm a regular here, I think I deserve a concave barstool. 1.2534 0.03327 221 171 44 6
654 At first I thought it was hot flashes, but now I think it's global warming. 1.2533 0.03537 229 182 36 11
655 Is it hot in here or is it me? 1.2532 0.03548 233 186 35 12
656 It’s hard to trust someone who made you incontinent, if you get my drift. 1.2528 0.04350 178 146 19 13
657 I miss the old days, like the Ice Age. 1.2528 0.03969 178 141 29 8
658 Some call it evolution, to me it's still slime. 1.2526 0.03873 190 151 30 9
659 Have a few drinks, have a few laughs, I mean what could go wrong? 1.2524 0.03362 210 162 43 5
660 Is it true that I can get dehydrated from this? 1.2523 0.03699 214 171 32 11
661 You're kidding, right? Where am I going to find a designated driver? 1.2523 0.03653 218 174 33 11
662 Didn't help. I'm still the Blue Planet. 1.2523 0.03435 222 174 40 8
663 I've been better. 1.2522 0.03565 226 180 35 11
664 Then I said to her, "I know I was cold to you before, but I've changed!" 1.2521 0.03586 234 188 33 13
665 Women! Now at this late age, they tell me that I am hot. 1.2521 0.03553 242 195 33 14
666 Last call? I'm just warming up! 1.2520 0.03380 250 199 39 12
667 You can just close it. I don't know how much longer I'm going to be here. 1.2519 0.03217 258 203 45 10
668 Everyone just wants to go to Mars! 1.2513 0.03587 195 152 37 6
669 And… he won’t let me TOUCH the thermostat! 1.2513 0.04198 199 165 18 16
670 Sometimes I feel like I'm just going around in circles. 1.2512 0.03608 211 167 35 9
671 It’s like I’ve got the weight of a man on my shoulders. 1.2511 0.03274 219 169 45 5
672 Are you sure Atlas has not been in? He swore he would pick me up here. 1.2511 0.03650 223 179 32 12
673 And then he said i was getting too close to Venus. 1.2511 0.03139 235 181 49 5
674 Any chance you know of a good A/C technician? 1.2510 0.03219 239 186 46 7
675 I never get drunk because I'm mostly water. 1.2510 0.03142 255 199 48 8
676 For 165 million years, me and the dinosaurs had a good thing going. Then that stupid asteroid hits and the next thing I know I'm stuck with you morons! 1.2510 0.03684 259 215 23 21
677 ....And Republicans seem surprised that I'm not flat. 1.2500 0.03784 216 175 28 13
678 If you had to support eight billion people, you'd need a drink too. 1.2500 0.03892 188 150 29 9
679 Can you PLEASE turn the air on? 1.2500 0.03100 232 178 50 4
680 This is an oxygen bar, isn’t it? 1.2500 0.03330 244 193 41 10
681 Listen, I’m not flat and I do have an end! 1.2500 0.03549 216 171 36 9
682 Remember, I'm your mother. Doesn't that count for something? 1.2500 0.03279 244 192 43 9
683 You wouldn't believe the century I've had! 1.2500 0.03380 244 194 39 11
684 Gimme a highball, but hold the carbonation. 1.2500 0.03356 252 201 39 12
685 Hey! Where’d my ice go? 1.2489 0.03689 233 190 28 15
686 Can you get me another drink? I am having a world of troubles! 1.2489 0.03240 229 178 45 6
687 I swear, I'm not flat, just a little tipsy! 1.2489 0.03493 221 175 37 9
688 It's just so hard being bipolar. 1.2488 0.03748 209 168 30 11
689 I'm getting tried of being asked what in the world is going on. 1.2488 0.03748 209 168 30 11
690 Pluto's still outside asking us to buy him drinks. 1.2488 0.03511 201 157 38 6
691 These people are killing me 1.2487 0.03748 193 153 32 8
692 ...and then he MOONED me! 1.2487 0.03958 193 156 26 11
693 Ever feel like you're just going around in circles" 1.2484 0.04408 161 131 20 10
694 Here we are again, solving the world's problems. 1.2479 0.03161 238 185 47 6
695 I feel the weight of the world on my ... well, actually, all over! 1.2479 0.03573 234 189 32 13
696 I know what you’re thinking! It’s a small world after all. 1.2478 0.03766 226 185 26 15
697 Monde dieu! 1.2478 0.03202 226 175 46 5
698 Is it warming up in here…or is it me? 1.2477 0.03537 222 177 35 10
699 All agree that I'm getting hotter so why can't I attract a date? 1.2475 0.03634 202 160 34 8
700 I can't feel my legs! 1.2474 0.04265 194 162 16 16
701 “If the moon calls, tell her I’m not here.” 1.2474 0.03708 190 150 33 7
702 I have been taking care of you, please take care of me. 1.2473 0.04197 186 153 20 13
703 If only Global Warming was all I had to worry about… 1.2469 0.03366 239 190 39 10
704 Pop, Set em up before I pop! 1.2469 0.03094 239 185 49 5
705 I don't know how else to explain it. That's just the way of the world. 1.2466 0.03223 223 173 45 5
706 You’re the only one who listens to me. 1.2463 0.03481 203 159 38 6
707 No more. I'm spinning already. 1.2462 0.03714 195 155 32 8
708 I don't know what this world is coming to. 1.2454 0.03712 216 175 29 12
709 I’m anxious, stressed, I’m all over the map. 1.2449 0.03697 196 156 32 8
710 I swear, Pluto's not mine. 1.2448 0.03071 241 187 49 5
711 Keep those hurricanes coming. 1.2446 0.03191 233 182 45 6
712 Sir, I’m just boiling in here. Can you turn down the thermostat? 1.2446 0.03249 233 183 43 7
713 I don' know which way to turn. 1.2446 0.03696 184 145 33 6
714 I'm a small world after all." 1.2443 0.04128 176 143 23 10
715 I feel like I'm goin' to hell, I tell yuh. 1.2442 0.03146 258 204 45 9
716 Next thing I know, I've been mooned." 1.2442 0.04113 172 139 24 9
717 I keep telling them I’m sick. Nobody listens but you! 1.2439 0.03967 205 169 22 14
718 I wouldn’t wish my last four-billion years on anyone. 1.2439 0.03718 205 165 30 10
719 There’s no atmosphere in here. 1.2439 0.03310 205 159 42 4
720 And then she said, 'Well, just get out of the kitchen!' 1.2439 0.04159 164 132 24 8
721 This drink is making my head spin. Keep them coming. 1.2435 0.03271 230 181 42 7
722 Seriously! Plastic? 1.2434 0.03998 189 154 24 11
723 I'm over 14 billion years old. How about a little respect! 1.2431 0.03565 218 175 33 10
724 Yeah, one more please, I’m feeling kind of flat today. 1.2424 0.04225 165 134 22 9
725 Listen, it’s 5 o’ clock in this region right here. 1.2422 0.03565 223 180 32 11
726 If God calls, I'm not here. 1.2421 0.03764 190 152 30 8
727 I’m trying to reduce my bourbon footprint. 1.2421 0.04117 190 157 20 13
728 My wife and I are worlds apart. 1.2419 0.03471 215 171 36 8
729 I coulda been a star! 1.2418 0.04546 153 126 17 10
730 Is this drink getting warmer, or is it just me? 1.2418 0.03304 244 195 39 10
731 Let me tell you where it all went wrong. 1.2417 0.03287 240 191 40 9
732 I threw it all at them: record-hot summers, wildfires, earthquakes, volcanos, floods, oversized hurricanes - yet people still won't listen. 1.2415 0.03991 207 172 20 15
733 When does the priest and the rabbi show up? 1.2414 0.03069 232 180 48 4
734 ...I can't seem to stop moving in the same old circles. 1.2414 0.03799 203 165 27 11
735 Well, it's Earth Day somewhere. 1.2414 0.03734 203 164 29 10
736 Then to cap it all, Atlas left me, 1.2411 0.03377 224 178 38 8
737 They want me to drink methane too! 1.2410 0.04103 195 162 19 14
738 Weight of the world? I am the world! 1.2410 0.03696 195 156 31 8
739 But why can't they treat me like I'm irreplaceable? 1.2410 0.03258 249 199 40 10
740 Better make it a double, global warming is a bitch! 1.2409 0.03594 220 178 31 11
741 Global warming has really got me down 1.2409 0.03229 220 172 43 5
742 Do you know what it’s like going around in circles 24 hours a day 1.2408 0.04230 191 160 16 15
743 Don't you think I know that I'm a hot mess? 1.2406 0.03804 212 174 25 13
744 Club soda, please. I'm already polluted. 1.2404 0.03794 208 170 26 12
745 Ok, but it better be Earth shattering. 1.2402 0.03448 204 161 37 6
746 What time does happy hour begin? 1.2402 0.03115 254 201 45 8
747 Is it just me or is the room spinning? 1.2400 0.03883 175 140 28 7
748 Do you have a plastic straw? 1.2400 0.03962 200 165 22 13
749 She keeps acting like everything revolves around her. 1.2400 0.03561 200 159 34 7
750 I’m through letting people walk all over me. 1.2400 0.03631 200 160 32 8
751 Sure, I love the moon, but sometimes I need a little space. 1.2396 0.03442 217 173 36 8
752 Bartender, ice please, it's way too hot in here. 1.2396 0.03564 217 175 32 10
753 The world keeps changing: it’s sphere today, gone tomorrow. 1.2394 0.03608 213 172 31 10
754 Could I get some Ice please? I need to cool down! 1.2394 0.03780 188 151 29 8
755 An order of ozone, please! 1.2393 0.03598 234 192 28 14
756 Whoa, the room is spinning! Oh wait, that’s me. 1.2393 0.04337 163 134 19 10
757 Maybe they’ll all have to move to Mars — unfortunately for Mars. 1.2391 0.03589 230 188 29 13
758 Wow, where in the world do I start? 1.2391 0.03910 184 149 26 9
759 Could I have some water please? Doc says that my condition is worsening. 1.2390 0.04228 159 129 22 8
760 You're right. I've had enough. 1.2389 0.03351 226 180 38 8
761 I am thinking about leaving the galaxy. 1.2389 0.03170 226 177 44 5
762 No ice? C'mon man, I'm burning up here 1.2388 0.03816 201 164 26 11
763 You don't have any ice either? 1.2388 0.03615 201 161 32 8
764 Are you sure this is 97% salt water? 1.2387 0.03266 222 175 41 6
765 You don’t know what it’s like having the weight of the world on your shoulders. 1.2386 0.03662 197 158 31 8
766 And then she said, “I’m Venus and I can spin by myself.” 1.2385 0.03724 218 179 26 13
767 Hey, barkeep! I need more ice! 1.2385 0.03549 218 176 32 10
768 I've been diagnosed as bipolar years ago 1.2385 0.03493 239 195 31 13
769 I'll have another - anything to make me forget all the hot flashes lately. 1.2381 0.03700 210 171 28 11
770 I should have just been a moon. 1.2381 0.03170 210 163 44 3
771 I am dying. Make it a double 1.2379 0.03277 206 161 41 4
772 She says I am flat 1.2377 0.03493 223 180 33 10
773 It's warm here 1.2372 0.03054 215 166 47 2
774 No ice. Hilarious 1.2371 0.03508 232 189 31 12
775 And then she called me geocentric...can you believe that? 1.2370 0.03623 211 171 30 10
776 I need Love, Sweet, Love. 1.2368 0.03744 190 153 29 8
777 Next round, as always, is on me. 1.2367 0.04048 169 137 24 8
778 Well, if you think you've got it rough, come live in my world for a day. 1.2365 0.03782 203 166 26 11
779 And then she said I could be hotter 1.2365 0.04032 203 170 18 15
780 You'd drink too if all you ever heard all day was, "Hey, small world." 1.2364 0.04374 165 137 17 11
781 Maybe if I get totally drunk people will fall off of me and I will feel better. 1.2364 0.04022 165 133 25 7
782 Where in the world am I? 1.2362 0.03629 199 160 31 8
783 People suck. 1.2358 0.03729 212 174 26 12
784 What happened to the priest and rabbi I walked in with? 1.2358 0.03729 212 174 26 12
785 What’s a World gotta do to get some service around here? 1.2358 0.03144 212 165 44 3
786 I used to have hair on the back too, but now look at me! 1.2358 0.03214 212 166 42 4
787 Keep it full until I start spinning. 1.2356 0.04130 174 143 21 10
788 She said I wasn't down-to-earth enough. 1.2356 0.03589 208 168 31 9
789 And then they invented plastic! 1.2353 0.03447 221 178 34 9
790 They're walking all over me, I tell ya. 1.2353 0.03853 187 152 26 9
791 Whadja put in this? My head's spinning!!! 1.2350 0.03374 234 189 35 10
792 Excuse me, is this organic. 1.2350 0.03548 217 176 31 10
793 Apparently,Retirement isn’t an option……. 1.2350 0.03488 217 175 33 9
794 Hey this is a Hurricane. I asked for a Sea Breeze. 1.2350 0.03750 200 163 27 10
795 I’m telling you this drink is flat - not me! 1.2350 0.04205 183 153 17 13
796 I drink because I have Venus envy. 1.2347 0.03653 213 174 28 11
797 I'm in a world of trouble, you have no idea. 1.2347 0.03660 196 158 30 8
798 Do me a favor and stop saying 'small world.' 1.2347 0.03439 196 155 36 5
799 Mind adjusting AC? I’m a bit too warm. 1.2344 0.03508 209 168 33 8
800 So, I just found out I have humans. 1.2344 0.03573 209 169 31 9
801 I need a stiff drink. I'm having a meltdown. 1.2344 0.03709 192 155 29 8
802 May I have some ice? I feel a bit warm. 1.2344 0.03709 192 155 29 8
803 I”m not flat but I’m flat broke. 1.2341 0.03552 205 165 32 8
804 I can't abide these hot flashes anymore. 1.2340 0.03079 235 185 45 5
805 I'm 4.5 billion years old, and you're still going to card me?! 1.2340 0.04996 141 120 9 12
806 They keep calling me flat...do I look flat to you? 1.2339 0.04091 171 140 22 9
807 Do you really want to know or are you just being polite? 1.2337 0.03966 184 151 23 10
808 I used to be a big star. 1.2335 0.04069 167 136 23 8
809 I'll have the continental breakfast. 1.2335 0.04156 167 137 21 9
810 I had my choice of planets, Neptune, Saturn or any of them. But no I had to choose Earth. You'd be drinking too. 1.2335 0.03424 197 156 36 5
811 I'm not drunk, it's my continental drift. 1.2335 0.03644 197 159 30 8
812 My children give me Earth Day, but what about the rest of the year? 1.2333 0.03868 180 146 26 8
813 I just can't get away from it all. 1.2331 0.04314 163 135 18 10
814 I’m drunk off my axis.” “Where is the restroom? Gotta go drain the ole south pole 1.2331 0.03454 236 193 31 12
815 So get this, she's like, "You're not cool anymore." 1.2330 0.04007 176 144 23 9
816 You would think they'd respect their "Mother" 1.2330 0.04166 176 146 19 11
817 So then then, Zeus was like I gotta punish Atlas. So he's gonna carry you everywhere. Have you smelled that guy? Tell me who's getting punished here? 1.2330 0.03925 176 143 25 8
818 I need new ownership but the Aliens won't make an offer! 1.2328 0.04032 189 157 20 12
819 Trust me, it's half empty. 1.2327 0.03649 202 164 29 9
820 Can you tell me what a hand basket looks like? 1.2327 0.03846 202 167 23 12
821 It feels like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders 1.2326 0.03438 215 173 34 8
822 Who is this “Gorbachev?” 1.2326 0.03810 172 138 28 6
823 I'm going bald too! 1.2324 0.03946 185 152 23 10
824 Oh no, I just sat on a pole. 1.2324 0.03871 185 151 25 9
825 …so she says ‘ you my friend live in a world of your own’… 1.2323 0.04560 155 130 14 11
826 Is there a carbon credit for not ordering ice? 1.2321 0.04219 168 139 19 10
827 Could I get a little more ice? 1.2321 0.03958 168 136 25 7
828 I don't care what you give me, just give it a lot of ice. 1.2320 0.03768 181 146 28 7
829 I need to cut about 8 billion people out of my life. Then I'll begin to feel normal again. 1.2318 0.04249 151 123 21 7
830 Lately I've been feeling kinda flat. 1.2318 0.04646 151 127 13 11
831 The reason I drink so much is because I’m bipolar. 1.2316 0.04144 177 147 19 11
832 I’m telling ya man, there’s these little things crawling all over me! 1.2315 0.03486 216 175 32 9
833 Of course I worry about arms control. 1.2312 0.03698 186 150 29 7
834 You're wrong! This is your last call! 1.2312 0.03852 186 152 25 9
835 My hot flashes are getting worse and worse every year! 1.2312 0.03816 199 164 24 11
836 I really just need Water. 1.2311 0.03507 225 184 30 11
837 My doctor said I am way too old for hot flashes so something else is causing all of these problems. 1.2308 0.03414 234 191 32 11
838 I need ice, and hurry, please! 1.2308 0.03467 234 192 30 12
839 Another one for the road? 1.2308 0.03370 221 178 35 8
840 Could you please turn down the thermostat? 1.2308 0.04152 156 127 22 7
841 How many times do I gotta tell you this? IM HOT! 1.2304 0.03397 230 187 33 10
842 Why can't you see my point? 1.2304 0.03396 191 151 36 4
843 I've tried wildfires, hurricanes, earthquakes...and I still can't get the humans to leave. 1.2303 0.04045 178 147 21 10
844 I'm a glass half full kind of guy, but this is ridiculous. 1.2303 0.03885 178 145 25 8
845 I may seem more worldly, but I'm really just depressed. 1.2303 0.03885 178 145 25 8
846 It wasn’t a conference after all. It was an intervention! Mars, Venus…everyone said I’ve changed and not for the better. 1.2303 0.04199 178 149 17 12
847 If a young Swedish girl calls I'm not here. 1.2303 0.04179 165 136 20 9
848 No more for me. I'm already spinning! 1.2301 0.03493 226 185 30 11
849 When I stop drinking I feel like I'm covered with bugs. 1.2300 0.03318 213 170 37 6
850 I know...they think I'm bigger. 1.2300 0.03524 200 161 32 7
851 I'll have large cup of COOLADE! 1.2300 0.03452 200 160 34 6
852 Yeah, you try it for an eon or two. 1.2297 0.03357 222 179 35 8
853 Can I get an ice age? 1.2297 0.03424 209 168 34 7
854 Can I get all of your ice? 1.2295 0.03699 244 207 18 19
855 I feel like I just keep going around in circles." 1.2294 0.03518 218 178 30 10
856 Sam, how would you feel if 20 times a day you heard someone say you're going to Hell? 1.2292 0.04593 144 120 15 9
857 I bet you never run out of ice! 1.2291 0.03866 179 146 25 8
858 If you stopped serving meat I'd have a chance 1.2290 0.03099 214 168 43 3
859 With ice. 1.2289 0.04243 166 138 18 10
860 My son thinks everything revolves around him. 1.2289 0.04156 166 137 20 9
861 Yeah, it's been all downhill for me since Atlas shrugged... 1.2287 0.03740 188 153 27 8
862 Actually, it's last call for you. 1.2287 0.04032 188 157 19 12
863 So I keep having hot flashes like I’m on fire, and then I’m freezing cold and no one will listen to me! 1.2286 0.03541 210 171 30 9
864 Tell me. How do you cope with losing your polar cap? 1.2284 0.03765 197 162 25 10
865 I just can't believe Jimmy Buffet died. 1.2280 0.03886 193 160 22 11
866 'I'll have a Dark and Stormy 1.2278 0.04297 158 131 18 9
867 Make it a double. I gave Atlas the day off and my feet are killing me. 1.2278 0.03419 180 142 35 3
868 The Moon hasn't spoken to me in six million years. 1.2277 0.03631 202 165 28 9
869 This drink isn't carbonated, is it? 1.2277 0.03698 202 166 26 10
870 I’m gonna need, like, waaay more ice in this. 1.2276 0.04564 145 121 15 9
871 Excuse me? Would you mind turning on the air conditioning? 1.2275 0.03870 189 156 23 10
872 Yes, I started on “As the World Turns” years ago but the network did didn’t renew my contract. It’s earth-shattering really. 1.2275 0.03645 189 153 29 7
873 I just feel like this guy has the weight of me on his shoulders... 1.2275 0.03070 233 185 43 5
874 And why is Earth Day in April? My birthday is in September. 1.2273 0.03985 176 145 22 9
875 Yes a hurricane ... but in a pilsner glass. I don't need any more trouble. 1.2271 0.03635 207 170 27 10
876 I just get this feeling no one will ever really know what's at my core. 1.2270 0.03695 185 150 28 7
877 I feel like they're crawling all over me 1.2270 0.04017 163 133 23 7
878 Sir, you don’t understand. If I don’t continue drinking, I will stop spinning. 1.2267 0.03961 172 141 23 8
879 Right! My hairline too! 1.2266 0.03681 203 167 26 10
880 Do you ever feel like your just going around in circles? 1.2266 0.03334 203 162 36 5
881 Honestly, do I look like I'm under twenty-one? 1.2265 0.03906 181 149 23 9
882 I go from burning up to freezing, unexpected tremors and winds, can't cultivate anything and these tenants who think they can help me, when they're the problem. 1.2265 0.04135 181 152 17 12
883 No one understands me. 1.2265 0.03311 181 142 37 2
884 Got any icecaps? 1.2263 0.03628 190 154 29 7
885 First my hair turned white, now it is all falling out. 1.2263 0.03307 190 150 37 3
886 Nice atmosphere you got here. 1.2263 0.03778 190 156 25 9
887 Wake up. Spin. Go to sleep. Spin. I gotta get another job. 1.2262 0.04023 168 138 22 8
888 Yeah, I was the source for drilling all that oil, but it was never my idea to burn it! 1.2261 0.03661 199 163 27 9
889 It is really hot in here or is it just me? 1.2261 0.03492 230 190 28 12
890 My shrink tells me I should worry less. My troubles will soon be over. 1.2260 0.03421 208 168 33 7
891 And you really believe that someday there will be a happy hour again? 1.2258 0.03515 186 149 32 5
892 What do you mean, “How’s the world been treating you?“ 1.2258 0.03907 186 154 22 10
893 I keep getting this warming sensation. 1.2258 0.03597 186 150 30 6
894 I KNOW I look hot! 1.2258 0.03980 186 155 20 11
895 I feel flushed, do I look flushed? 1.2254 0.03854 173 141 25 7
896 THIS motherfucker… 1.2254 0.03857 213 180 18 15
897 Oh Atlantis? My derm said it was suspicious, had it scraped. 1.2253 0.03727 182 148 27 7
898 Hard to date when you’re constantly on the move. 1.2253 0.03808 182 149 25 8
899 What in the world is happening to me...? 1.2251 0.03761 191 157 25 9
900 My ice keeps melting. 1.2250 0.03176 240 194 38 8
901 She's about one quarter my size, pocked marked with craters, but reflects light in a lovely romantic way. Have you seen her? 1.2249 0.04088 169 140 20 9
902 Look, I'm 4 1/2 billion years old and these 315,000 year old brats think they own the place. Give me a double! 1.2247 0.03944 178 147 22 9
903 Can I get this decarbonated? 1.2247 0.04102 178 149 18 11
904 Whatever, it's not like it's the end of the world. 1.2247 0.03231 227 183 37 7
905 You gave me neat, I said over. 1.2246 0.04033 187 157 18 12
906 I still miss the Ice Age. 1.2246 0.03498 187 150 32 5
907 My ex was the best...very religious...looked at me like I was only 5,000 1.2245 0.03693 196 161 26 9
908 I'm so hot I'm gonna need an ice age to cool off! 1.2242 0.04154 165 137 19 9
909 This job isn't what it used to be. 1.2241 0.04004 174 144 21 9
910 He said it like a “globalist” is a bad thing. 1.2240 0.03627 183 148 29 6
911 Please take my keys—the room is spinning. 1.2239 0.03559 201 164 29 8
912 My head is spinning 1.2238 0.03391 210 170 33 7
913 More water! 1.2237 0.03426 219 179 31 9
914 Beware…the end is near! 1.2237 0.04298 152 126 18 8
915 And then they keep drilling holes in me. In unspeakable places. 1.2236 0.03465 237 197 27 13
916 I feel like I got my own weight on my shoulders! 1.2235 0.03980 170 140 22 8
917 If the future calls, tell it I’m not here. 1.2235 0.04066 170 141 20 9
918 My life's one disaster after another! 1.2235 0.03676 179 145 28 6
919 I need a cold drink that's not carbonated. 1.2235 0.03590 179 144 30 5
920 I take the same route every day but today he decides to pull me over. Tells me I’m going almost 1,000 miles per hour. 1.2234 0.03458 197 159 32 6
921 After all I've done for them, is it too much to ask for a little respect? 1.2234 0.03532 197 160 30 7
922 Sure, I'd love to leave the Solar System, but I don't think you understand the gravity of the situation. 1.2230 0.04479 148 124 15 9
923 What about a round for me? 1.2230 0.04375 148 123 17 8
924 Sometimes I feel like a jigsaw puzzle with a few pieces missing. 1.2229 0.04200 157 130 19 8
925 Is it just me or is it warm in here? 1.2229 0.03983 175 145 21 9
926 And then, before I knew it, the jerk had me on a string and started singing about it. It was horrible, horrible. 1.2227 0.03264 229 186 35 8
927 I feel the earth move under my feet 1.2222 0.03572 180 145 30 5
928 Mind if I ask if any people ruined your life? 1.2222 0.03658 180 146 28 6
929 Do you ever feel like you're carrying the weight of the world? 1.2222 0.04066 153 125 22 6
930 It ain't right Gus. After four billion years together Mother Nature packs up and moves in with her sister in Jersey. 1.2222 0.03824 180 148 24 8
931 She was the most beautiful world in the world. 1.2217 0.03663 203 168 25 10
932 Can you find a Manhattan? 1.2216 0.03829 185 153 23 9
933 Why do people call me the blue planet? I can be happy! 1.2216 0.03708 176 143 27 6
934 A birthmark, no, that's South America. 1.2216 0.03795 176 144 25 7
935 If Venus calls, tell her I’m not here. 1.2216 0.04123 176 148 17 11
936 The world needs something but the man just stands there 1.2215 0.04271 158 132 17 9
937 Hey, I'm melting over here. 1.2212 0.03333 208 168 34 6
938 No ice? 1.2212 0.03402 208 169 32 7
939 Could I have more ice? 1.2212 0.03402 208 169 32 7
940 How could I possibly be flat? It's so annoying. 1.2211 0.03846 199 167 20 12
941 I know its crazy, but I am in love with Exxon and Greta Thunberg. 1.2211 0.03903 190 159 20 11
942 Pardon me, is the room spinning or is it just me? 1.2210 0.03640 181 147 28 6
943 Last call, it's only 2023?! 1.2209 0.03850 172 141 24 7
944 If I hear " It's a small world" one more time, I'm gonna burst. 1.2209 0.04023 172 143 20 9
945 For me it's one revolution after another. 1.2209 0.03990 163 134 22 7
946 Another frozen mojito, please ... and could you turn the AC down one-and-a-half degrees Celsius? 1.2208 0.04247 154 128 18 8
947 I don’t just have the world on my shoulders; I am the world. 1.2207 0.03282 213 172 35 6
948 Climate Change, the War in Ukraine, Donald Trump, Hell yes!!!! I’m having a double ‘cause it’s five o’clock all over me! 1.2206 0.03580 204 168 27 9
949 And then they say they're leaving me like I'm the problem! 1.2204 0.03574 186 151 29 6
950 Turns out we were polar opposites -- literally. 1.2204 0.03733 186 153 25 8
951 She thinks my life revolves around hers. 1.2204 0.03492 186 150 31 5
952 What's my poison? Humans. 1.2203 0.03860 177 146 23 8
953 Does it look like it's receding? 1.2201 0.04151 159 132 19 8
954 Do you get my continental drift? 1.2201 0.03387 209 170 32 7
955 Just hand me the bottle. I'm always five o'clock somewhere. 1.2201 0.03649 209 174 24 11
956 My people don’t understand me! 1.2200 0.04322 150 125 17 8
957 Do you know what it is like to have the world's problems? 1.2200 0.03484 200 163 30 7
958 Don't ask about Madonna's World Tour! 1.2199 0.03740 191 158 24 9
959 So, a grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender say, "we've got a drink named after you". The grasshopper replies, "you've got a drink called, 'Tom'? 1.2198 0.04311 182 157 10 15
960 So I told her, ‘You knew this when you married me… I’ve always been bipolar.’ 1.2198 0.03786 182 150 24 8
961 They never ever ask how I feel...and the things they say! 1.2197 0.03917 173 143 22 8
962 She was my sun, my moon and all my stars but then she left me 1.2197 0.04002 173 144 20 9
963 I've had all I can take. 1.2196 0.03334 214 174 33 7
964 I used to be a ball of fun, now some say I'm just a square. 1.2196 0.03131 214 171 39 4
965 Is this tap water? 1.2194 0.03181 237 193 36 8
966 Man, it’s hot out there! 1.2194 0.03453 196 159 31 6
967 Can I get more ice, please? I'm burning up over here. 1.2194 0.03453 196 159 31 6
968 You people drive me to drink.” 1.2193 0.03637 187 153 27 7
969 Humans? Oh my god, they're such mean children. 1.2192 0.03018 219 174 42 3
970 Last call? Tell me about it... 1.2192 0.04291 146 121 18 7
971 So then I’m like, “Sunny! It’s not like the whole world revolves around YOU.” 1.2191 0.03840 178 147 23 8
972 What’s happened to the atmosphere in this place? 1.2189 0.03977 169 140 21 8
973 Whaddya mean, the ice machine is busted? 1.2188 0.03722 192 159 24 9
974 It’s not the heat, it’s the human idiocy! 1.2188 0.03795 192 160 22 10
975 Every day is Earth Day on this barstool, Fred. 1.2184 0.03981 174 145 20 9
976 The wife says I’m in my own world. 1.2184 0.03632 174 141 28 5
977 Atlas left me. 1.2182 0.03852 165 135 24 6
978 The ice in my glass keeps melting. 1.2182 0.03270 220 179 34 7
979 I was a relatively temperate planet for so long. Now I'm wasted. 1.2181 0.03285 243 201 31 11
980 Got anything to cool me down? 1.2181 0.03773 188 156 23 9
981 It’s a wonderful world, it’s a wonderful world…how many times a day is that song played…??” “Do you know the pressure I’m under??? 1.2181 0.03697 188 155 25 8
982 If it weren't for this place, I'd erupt a lot more often. 1.2181 0.03290 188 150 35 3
983 Do you know what it's like to have things crawling on you all the time? 1.2181 0.03620 188 154 27 7
984 Venus swiped left. 1.2180 0.03679 211 177 22 12
985 Make it a lite beer. Gettin’ a bit large around the equator. 1.2179 0.03476 179 144 31 4
986 You don't have to tell me we're out of ice! 1.2179 0.03820 179 148 23 8
987 The astrophysicist? She left me John, said she got tired of me acting like the center of the universe. 1.2179 0.03981 179 150 19 10
988 I used to be the center of the solar system and look at me now! 1.2177 0.04373 147 123 16 8
989 No rest for the weary Charlie. They got me working 24/7. 1.2176 0.03682 170 138 27 5
990 Evolve! I should 've stopped with the chimps. 1.2176 0.03866 170 140 23 7
991 Everyone I talk with seems so unworldly! 1.2176 0.03866 170 140 23 7
992 Can you turn down the heat? It’s like a greenhouse in here. 1.2176 0.03705 193 160 24 9
993 Let's slow down, I'm burning up. 1.2174 0.03502 184 149 30 5
994 I just turned 4.5 billion and my life is still going in circles!” 1.2171 0.03703 175 143 26 6
995 What do you mean you're running low on ice? 1.2171 0.03613 175 142 28 5
996 Gimme anything on ice. 1.2171 0.03876 175 145 22 8
997 I can order beer in 140 languages. 1.2171 0.03876 175 145 22 8
998 It's brutal out there. 1.2170 0.03207 212 171 36 5
999 If Venus calls, I was never here. 1.2168 0.04227 143 118 19 6
1000 One small drink for me and a large one for the end of mankind! 1.2168 0.04109 143 117 21 5
1001 I feel like I’m spinning. 1.2167 0.03218 203 163 36 4
1002 Kids! They never listen! 1.2167 0.04039 180 152 17 11
1003 There was room for ice. 1.2167 0.03275 180 143 35 2
1004 Even when I'm sober, it feels like I'm spinning. 1.2166 0.04073 157 130 20 7
1005 You don’t know the half of it. 1.2165 0.03539 194 159 28 7
1006 Call me old fashioned but I prefer it with ice. 1.2164 0.04414 134 111 17 6
1007 And then I dreamed they were crawling all over me and buzzing around me and...it was just awful. 1.2162 0.03884 185 155 20 10
1008 Do you know how hard it is to find signs of intelligent life around here? 1.2162 0.03650 185 152 26 7
1009 I don't know what happened. I used to be so much more together. 1.2160 0.03889 162 133 23 6
1010 I think this place needs a bit more atmosphere. 1.2159 0.03856 176 146 22 8
1011 I'm just tired of being toxic. 1.2159 0.03684 176 144 26 6
1012 Why in the world do I remind you of Gorbachev? 1.2158 0.04653 139 118 12 9
1013 At first I didn’t think the Dinosaurs had anything to worry about; I couldn’t have been more wrong. 1.2158 0.04653 139 118 12 9
1014 Do you have anything stronger? I’m already 70% water.. 1.2158 0.03737 190 158 23 9
1015 I’m always at war with myself 1.2158 0.03662 190 157 25 8
1016 After all I've done for them, they're making plans to leave me for Mars. 1.2158 0.03585 190 156 27 7
1017 This is the kind of atmosphere I've been needing. 1.2157 0.03423 204 167 30 7
1018 Everything’s inflamed - or maybe it’s just plaque psoriasis. 1.2157 0.03278 204 165 34 5
1019 Do you have any idea where this goes? 1.2157 0.03204 204 164 36 4
1020 Another Atlantic Ocean please! 1.2157 0.04344 153 129 15 9
1021 If anyone in the solar system calls, I'm not here. 1.2156 0.03714 167 136 26 5
1022 It’s enough to make your head spin 1.2155 0.03941 181 152 19 10
1023 Believe it or not, I've got a world of problems. 1.2155 0.03700 181 149 25 7
1024 No, I'll just nurse this one for a few millenia 'till I cool off a bit. 1.2155 0.03782 181 150 23 8
1025 I've sent them Floods, Droughts, Hurricanes, Cyclones, Earthquakes and still they just don't get it! 1.2154 0.03447 195 159 30 6
1026 Can you make it stronger? I'm 70% water. 1.2151 0.03999 172 144 19 9
1027 Water straight up. No ice. 1.2151 0.03632 186 153 26 7
1028 Do I look mad, mad, mad, mad to you?" 1.2148 0.04319 149 125 16 8
1029 No more Fireballs. 1.2147 0.03768 163 133 25 5
1030 I won't be mostly water for long. Keep em coming. 1.2147 0.03768 163 133 25 5
1031 One scotch I’m a shining orb. Two? I’m a sweaty, overweight globule. 1.2147 0.03665 177 145 26 6
1032 I haven't been clean in years! 1.2147 0.03836 177 147 22 8
1033 When we first met, she thought the world of me. 1.2143 0.03507 196 161 28 7
1034 Gotta roll. See you same time tomorrow. 1.2143 0.04218 154 129 17 8
1035 On top of that I have plate tectonics. 1.2139 0.03615 187 154 26 7
1036 Do you want to go rotate after this? 1.2139 0.03534 187 153 28 6
1037 I miss the Middle Ages. 1.2139 0.03192 187 149 36 2
1038 Got anything for a fever? 1.2139 0.03716 173 142 25 6
1039 Between the world conflicts, wild fires, and flooding conditions, I needed a drink! 1.2139 0.03893 173 144 21 8
1040 I will drink to death rather than burn to death 1.2139 0.03893 173 144 21 8
1041 Why do people walk all over me? 1.2138 0.03938 145 118 23 4
1042 You look in the mirror one morning and realise you’re 4 billion years old. 1.2137 0.04469 131 109 16 6
1043 "With extra ice. 1.2136 0.03377 220 182 29 9
1044 Man, you should've seen me in my glory days. I was hot once! Well, cold... 1.2135 0.03551 192 158 27 7
1045 I have enough water as it is. 1.2135 0.03646 178 146 26 6
1046 I need some attention, Man!!! 1.2134 0.03845 164 135 23 6
1047 I’ve been dry for a long time. 1.2134 0.04035 164 137 19 8
1048 You think you have troubles! I'll be Andromeda dust in just 5 billion years. 1.2132 0.03416 197 161 30 6
1049 Being hot isn't all it's cracked up to be. 1.2132 0.03636 197 164 24 9
1050 I just feel like I've got the weight of humanity on my shoulders, you know? 1.2131 0.03823 183 153 21 9
1051 Yes, mamas, babies, brothers, sisters. We were ALL in his hands! 1.2131 0.03663 183 151 25 7
1052 No one's listening 1.2131 0.03580 183 150 27 6
1053 Do you have anything for fever? 1.2129 0.03360 202 165 31 6
1054 Make it another double; I've got the weight of the world on my shoulders. 1.2128 0.03597 188 155 26 7
1055 How on earth did I end up like this? 1.2126 0.03378 207 170 30 7
1056 Worse than that…She says I’m flat. 1.2126 0.03446 207 171 28 8
1057 My moon has a dark side. 1.2125 0.03589 160 129 28 3
1058 I’m gonna need more ice. 1.2125 0.04288 160 136 14 10
1059 And then I said, 'How funny it that we both know Jimmy?' And she was like, 'I KNOW. Small world!' 1.2125 0.04003 160 133 20 7
1060 I feel so rejected with everyone trying to visit the moon and Mars. 1.2125 0.04468 160 138 10 12
1061 You know, it's just ... I feel like I have the weight of a man on my shoulders. 1.2124 0.03534 193 159 27 7
1062 Is the bar spinning or is it just me? 1.2123 0.04260 146 122 17 7
1063 Trust me, I’m dying. I may be bipolar but I’m not crazy. 1.2123 0.04260 146 122 17 7
1064 I’ll be back in the same spot tomorrow. 1.2123 0.03664 146 117 27 2
1065 Sometimes it just feels like people are against me. 1.2123 0.03797 179 149 22 8
1066 My kids. Ugh! What can I say? 1.2123 0.04037 179 152 16 11
1067 My doctor says it’s terminal. 1.2121 0.03522 165 133 29 3
1068 I get no respect! 1.2121 0.04104 165 139 17 9
1069 This is half empty. I asked for half full. 1.2121 0.03246 198 160 34 4
1070 My round 1.2120 0.03725 184 153 23 8
1071 Yeah, me too. I’ve had nothing but complaints all day.” 1.2120 0.03303 184 148 33 3
1072 I feel like I’ve just been going in circles. 1.2120 0.03392 184 149 31 4
1073 Do you ever feel like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders? 1.2120 0.03303 184 148 33 3
1074 Is it too much to ask for a little Novocain before all the drilling? 1.2119 0.04161 151 126 18 7
1075 Man, do I appreciate the AC in this place. 1.2119 0.04161 151 126 18 7
1076 Just make it look like we're talking - Pluto's here. 1.2116 0.03734 189 158 22 9
1077 No, I don't want another Hurricane. 1.2116 0.03580 189 156 26 7
1078 Then she said she’s worldly wise. 1.2115 0.03222 208 169 34 5
1079 And, don't even get me started on where Atlas was holding his hands 1.2115 0.03965 156 129 21 6
1080 When I said “top me off” I didn’t mean with fossil fuels. 1.2115 0.04068 156 130 19 7
1081 I'm bipolar and I'm having a meltdown. 1.2115 0.03860 156 128 23 5
1082 Then make it a double, the way things are going it's last call for both of us. 1.2114 0.03587 175 143 27 5
1083 I am so lonely since Pluto went away. 1.2114 0.03936 175 147 19 9
1084 I thought this would help, but I’m still spinning. 1.2114 0.04358 123 101 18 4
1085 I think it's time for me to move 1.2113 0.03115 194 155 37 2
1086 Can I get a little more ice? 1.2113 0.04220 142 118 18 6
1087 No one listens to me anymore! 1.2111 0.03609 180 148 26 6
1088 The moon said she's leaving me. 1.2111 0.03694 180 149 24 7
1089 If Mars is for men and Venus is for women, who am I stuck with? 1.2111 0.03694 180 149 24 7
1090 Would you have one of those swivel chairs? I'm trying to work remotely. 1.2111 0.03150 180 143 36 1
1091 Lots more ice in my next one. I have to cool off fast. 1.2111 0.03385 199 163 30 6
1092 Another round! (Thomas Nestos, 13 years old) 1.2111 0.03602 199 166 24 9
1093 I came here hoping for a better atmosphere. 1.2111 0.03602 199 166 24 9
1094 I just need to cool down, yah know? 1.2108 0.03706 166 136 25 5
1095 Life hasn't been worth living since Atlas shrugged..... 1.2108 0.03545 185 152 27 6
1096 You’re 70% water, too - don’t you get thirsty? 1.2108 0.03473 204 169 27 8
1097 I feel like I'm just stuck in this empty void 1.2105 0.04136 152 127 18 7
1098 Make it a double. Mercury's in retrograde! 1.2105 0.04136 152 127 18 7
1099 My life revolves around her, do you know what I mean!?! 1.2105 0.04441 152 130 12 10
1100 How am I doing?! Hot flashes. Bipolar disorder. Night sweats. Abandonment issues. I'll stop there. And you? 1.2105 0.04136 152 127 18 7
1101 It's yolk stain. I tried to catch poor Humpty when he took that great fall. 1.2103 0.02870 214 170 43 1
1102 I feel as if the weight of me is on my shoulders. 1.2100 0.03443 200 165 28 7
1103 ``Frank, I don't even recognize myself anymore.'' 1.2100 0.03369 200 164 30 6
1104 Tell her I’m still in orbit. 1.2100 0.03369 200 164 30 6
1105 i keep getting these hot flashes 1.2099 0.03416 181 147 30 4
1106 Believe me, everything was fine until the Humans arrived. 1.2099 0.03760 162 133 24 5
1107 Just something cold, anything! 1.2098 0.04309 143 120 16 7
1108 And the whole 'Pluto' thing wasn't even my fault! 1.2098 0.04074 143 118 20 5
1109 I get blamed for everything. 1.2097 0.03528 186 153 27 6
1110 Whaddya got to cool me down? 1.2097 0.03767 186 156 21 9
1111 And then he says "Don't go changing", like it's up to me! 1.2096 0.02966 229 185 40 4
1112 Can I get some ice? I'm running out 1.2096 0.03877 167 139 21 7
1113 Can I get something on the rocks? 1.2096 0.03877 167 139 21 7
1114 After this past week, I’d like to be 70% whiskey. 1.2095 0.04096 148 123 19 6
1115 Don't stop until I'm 71% vodka. 1.2095 0.04096 148 123 19 6
1116 I swear Joe, it's like they don't even care! 1.2094 0.03387 191 156 30 5
1117 The giant oil corporations and the filthy bootlick pols who serve them are out to end me and I gladly, at least when I'm high, accept that challenge. 1.2093 0.04224 172 148 12 12
1118 Sometimes I feel like I have the whole world on my shoulders... 1.2093 0.03476 215 180 25 10
1119 I’m feeling flat. Can I get another round? 1.2092 0.04005 153 127 20 6
1120 Joe,I had the world on a string 1.2090 0.03727 177 147 23 7
1121 I miss the good-old days when I was Gaia. 1.2090 0.03640 177 146 25 6
1122 Another round. 1.2090 0.04247 134 111 18 5
1123 I swear I am over 21 years old. 1.2090 0.03279 201 164 32 5
1124 God, it’s been a rough full rotation.” 1.2090 0.03499 201 167 26 8
1125 Everything was great for 4 1/2 billion years. 1.2090 0.04247 134 111 18 5
1126 It's been a long day. Make it a double!" 1.2088 0.03657 182 151 24 7
1127 And she said I meant the world to her. 1.2088 0.03740 182 152 22 8
1128 You don't really believe I'm flat, do you? 1.2088 0.03740 182 152 22 8
1129 You think you've seen some fucked up humans... 1.2086 0.04031 163 137 18 8
1130 I swear I only drink this much when I’m overheated 1.2086 0.03936 163 136 20 7
1131 Just call me Mother. 1.2086 0.03748 187 157 21 9
1132 Can you line up another couple of cold ones? 1.2086 0.03748 187 157 21 9
1133 no matter what i do, i can't seem to shake this fever 1.2083 0.03762 168 139 23 6
1134 Do you think I'm hot? 1.2083 0.03927 144 118 22 4
1135 I'll have another shot of carbon dioxide 1.2083 0.04167 144 120 18 6
1136 No matter what you give me, my head just keeps spinning. 1.2083 0.03856 168 140 21 7
1137 I’m looking for a girl that’s down to earth. 1.2081 0.03868 173 145 20 8
1138 I've got a story you ought to know. 1.2081 0.03958 149 123 21 5
1139 You think you had it bad. I had to deal with an ice age, and now global warming. 1.2079 0.03532 178 146 27 5
1140 I'm dying for some ice. 1.2079 0.03956 178 151 17 10
1141 Did you just say "Last call?" 1.2079 0.03532 178 146 27 5
1142 Used to be being earthy was a good thing 1.2078 0.04087 154 129 18 7
1143 I think I just flooded myself! 1.2078 0.04289 154 131 14 9
1144 What do you mean "Cool down"?? I can't--that's the damned problem! 1.2077 0.03556 183 151 26 6
1145 Can I have some more ice! 1.2077 0.03383 183 149 30 4
1146 I drink to try to forget Venus." 1.2077 0.03639 183 152 24 7
1147 Do you have anything non-carbonated? 1.2077 0.03556 183 151 26 6
1148 I’ve always felt like the weight of the world was on my shoulders. 1.2075 0.04096 159 134 17 8
1149 Can I get more ice? It keeps melting. 1.2075 0.03577 159 129 27 3
1150 Can you believe it? My Glaciers are all melting! 1.2074 0.03494 188 155 27 6
1151 Cut me off, Bill. I’m spinning. 1.2074 0.03494 188 155 27 6
1152 I was Iceland before Global Warming... 1.2074 0.04219 135 112 18 5
1153 My kids are bleeding me dry! 1.2073 0.03663 193 162 22 9
1154 Goodbye from Planet Earth. 1.2071 0.04476 140 119 13 8
1155 And then they said I was flat! 1.2071 0.03835 169 141 21 7
1156 I'm the ghost of earth past." 1.2071 0.03646 169 139 25 5
1157 No more for me, pal. I'm already spinning. 1.2071 0.03223 198 161 33 4
1158 I can never find pants that fit... 1.2069 0.04366 145 123 14 8
1159 My temperature keeps rising, and no one seems to care! 1.2067 0.03773 179 150 21 8
1160 Does it have to be a Coke? 1.2067 0.03936 179 152 17 10
1161 Even Atlas has given up on me. 1.2067 0.03235 179 144 33 2
1162 If Atlas calls, you haven't seen me. 1.2067 0.04365 150 128 13 9
1163 My God, these people are driving me to extinction! 1.2065 0.03702 184 154 22 8
1164 Sitting on a rainbow wears me out. 1.2065 0.03936 184 157 16 11
1165 What about Mars? Mars has it easy! I bet you never see Mars in here, do you? 1.2065 0.03621 184 153 24 7
1166 Can you tell me how to get my kids to clean up their mess? 1.2065 0.03958 155 129 20 6
1167 It's not the drink, I'm always spinning. 1.2065 0.03958 155 129 20 6
1168 I’ll take any drink you’ve got but a Hurricane. 1.2065 0.03740 155 127 24 4
1169 Sorry, I haven't been helped yet. 1.2063 0.03875 160 133 21 6
1170 Oh no. I'm starting to get the spins. 1.2062 0.03418 194 160 28 6
1171 Then this comet..what's it's name, almost sideswiped me.." 1.2062 0.03002 194 155 38 1
1172 Thanks for solving all of my problems. 1.2060 0.03437 199 165 27 7
1173 They're killing me... 1.2059 0.03904 170 143 19 8
1174 So a globe walks into a bar and the bartender says, “I’ve bet you’ve been around.” 1.2059 0.03722 170 141 23 6
1175 The “X” man has got me by the ass! 1.2057 0.03467 175 143 28 4
1176 Hey, remember that cute comet that was here about seventy-five years ago? You haven’t seen her lately, have you? 1.2057 0.03560 175 144 26 5
1177 I’ve been experiencing an untreatable fever lately. 1.2057 0.03740 175 146 22 7
1178 I went through this 65 million years ago. I don't think I can handle it a second time. 1.2057 0.04447 141 120 13 8
1179 You got any ice? Mine’s all melted. 1.2057 0.03965 141 116 21 4
1180 The difficulty about climate change for me, is the hot flashes and water retention. 1.2057 0.04331 141 119 15 7
1181 They're even going up in space to avoid me. 1.2056 0.03994 180 154 15 11
1182 If I am such a great planet, why are they trying so hard to get off me?! 1.2056 0.03670 180 150 23 7
1183 And the next thing you know, I’m seeing satellites circling! 1.2055 0.04338 146 124 14 8
1184 What I need is love. Sweet love. 1.2054 0.03763 185 156 20 9
1185 They were right, I'm flat! 1.2054 0.03261 185 150 32 3
1186 I never used to drink before the humans arrived. 1.2053 0.04130 151 127 17 7
1187 Again! The hot flashes seem to be constant now! 1.2053 0.04022 151 126 19 6
1188 D'ya ever feel like you're just spinning in circles? 1.2053 0.04130 151 127 17 7
1189 I always tip 23.4%, no matter what 1.2053 0.04339 151 129 13 9
1190 Is it hot in here,or is it your imagination? 1.2053 0.04022 151 126 19 6
1191 'Stop me if you've heard this one before" 1.2051 0.03606 156 127 26 3
1192 I'm supposed to be out there circling the sun and you're telling me you got problems? 1.2051 0.03628 195 164 22 9
1193 It wasn't that bad until the industrial revolution. . . 1.2050 0.03635 200 169 21 10
1194 "Oy vey! Do I have global issues...." 1.2050 0.04049 161 136 17 8
1195 Why doesn’t Elon Musk just hurry up and leave already? 1.2048 0.04144 166 142 14 10
1196 The doctor said I have about 8 billion parasites. 1.2048 0.03677 166 137 24 5
1197 So I says to him, you breathe that crap all day every day -- you'd be hot too! 1.2047 0.03702 171 142 23 6
1198 If it’s my wife, I’m not a sphere. 1.2047 0.03511 171 140 27 4
1199 I'm feeling more and more blue every day. 1.2045 0.03807 176 148 20 8
1200 She says I think the universe revolves around me. 1.2045 0.04530 132 112 13 7
1201 My doctor keeps telling me to cut back on fossil fuels,but who can afford clean energy in this economy! 1.2045 0.03807 176 148 20 8
1202 She broke it off. Said things were getting too hot and unstable. 1.2044 0.03734 181 152 21 8
1203 Yes, people always mistake me for Gorbachev. 1.2044 0.04413 137 116 14 7
1204 I started drinking more during the pandemic 1.2043 0.02964 186 148 38 0
1205 My air is thinning. 1.2043 0.03666 186 156 22 8
1206 Trust me, it's five o'clock somewhere. 1.2042 0.04186 142 119 17 6
1207 I wish they’d just start keeping their promises 1.2042 0.04186 142 119 17 6
1208 I'm sad. 1.2042 0.03444 191 158 27 6
1209 So all I said was that I needed a little space, and she downgraded me. 1.2041 0.03973 147 122 20 5
1210 I turn around and around, there she is again–beaming at me. 1.2041 0.03973 147 122 20 5
1211 Does this make me look flat? 1.2039 0.03887 152 126 21 5
1212 Is the whole world going to hell, or is it just me? 1.2039 0.04210 152 129 15 8
1213 I feel like I’m spinning in circles! 1.2038 0.03912 157 131 20 6
1214 HOWARD, I’M HOT AS HELL AND I’M NOT GONNA TAKE IT ANYMORE 1.2037 0.03831 162 135 21 6
1215 Everybody has problems but I've got thousands of people who think I'm f lat 1.2037 0.03930 162 136 19 7
1216 Can you turn the heat down? 1.2036 0.04032 167 142 16 9
1217 I forgot my ID but swear I'm four billion years old." 1.2036 0.03657 167 138 24 5
1218 For the love of god, can I get some ice! 1.2036 0.03755 167 139 22 6
1219 I don't think you understand the gravity of the situation. 1.2036 0.03755 167 139 22 6
1220 Are you not going to ask me what in the world am I doing in here? 1.2036 0.04121 167 143 14 10
1221 When they complain about how difficult it is out there? I'M 'out there.' 1.2034 0.03431 177 145 28 4
1222 It's like I'm on fire right now and no one acknowledges it. 1.2034 0.03871 177 150 18 9
1223 Honestly, I long for another asteroid. 1.2033 0.03462 182 150 27 5
1224 So Venus says I'm looking really hot? 1.2033 0.03876 182 155 17 10
1225 …and then there’s, you know, gravity. 1.2031 0.03583 192 161 23 8
1226 Being called flat hurts. It really hurts. 1.2031 0.03264 192 157 31 4
1227 Could I get something less carbonated? 1.2030 0.03371 197 163 28 6
1228 Could I have some ice for this, please? 1.2029 0.03119 207 169 34 4
1229 And that's when I said, "I don't care about Uranus, show me your moon." 1.2027 0.04390 148 127 12 9
1230 I'm here because people keep thinking I'm flat 1.2027 0.04175 148 125 16 7
1231 No, I'm fine. I've had the spins forever. 1.2027 0.04063 148 124 18 6
1232 I better stop. The room is spinning. 1.2026 0.03864 153 127 21 5
1233 Everyone always asks me, 'What's this world coming to?' 1.2026 0.04184 153 130 15 8
1234 It's like they're trying to find all my faults! 1.2026 0.03974 153 128 19 6
1235 Could I have another ice cube? 1.2025 0.03565 158 129 26 3
1236 What do you mean designated driver? I have only one way to go 1.2025 0.03784 158 131 22 5
1237 I just feel like my life is going in circles. 1.2025 0.03605 163 134 25 4
1238 ''All anybody wants to talk about is the weather.'' 1.2025 0.03809 163 136 21 6
1239 Life is short, and then you die. 1.2025 0.03908 163 137 19 7
1240 So that’s the story on my birthmark. 1.2025 0.03908 163 137 19 7
1241 Do you have some salt? This water is tasteless. 1.2025 0.03908 163 137 19 7
1242 Have you seen my pants?! 1.2025 0.03605 163 134 25 4
1243 My ice is melting. Can you refresh me? 1.2024 0.03436 168 137 28 3
1244 I'm not going anywhere, but I'm sad 'cus I'll miss some of you guys. 1.2024 0.03637 168 139 24 5
1245 Extra ice, please. I’m burning up. 1.2024 0.03637 168 139 24 5
1246 Are you trying to kill me? Vodka Straight, not Soda! 1.2023 0.03474 173 142 27 4
1247 I’ll have another. My head stopped spinning. 1.2023 0.03928 173 147 17 9
1248 Now Venus says she thinks I've become too close to Moon! She just doesn't understand the gravity of the situation! 1.2023 0.03842 173 146 19 8
1249 Hey, has Atlas been around? 1.2022 0.03682 178 149 22 7
1250 Now the Doc says I have greenhouse gas. 1.2022 0.03851 178 151 18 9
1251 Do you have a glass? I’m already full of plastic. 1.2021 0.03630 188 158 22 8
1252 Seriously, the dinosaurs were way better. 1.2020 0.03577 198 167 22 9
1253 Does on the rocks mean nothing to you all anymore"? 1.2020 0.03199 198 162 32 4
1254 Sure, I think globally, but I drink locally. 1.2017 0.04859 119 102 10 7
1255 leaving so soon? 1.2016 0.04432 124 104 15 5
1256 Wow. That tilts your axis! 1.2016 0.04282 124 103 17 4
1257 I need a cold one. I've never been this hot! 1.2015 0.04339 134 113 15 6
1258 I'm all out of ice. 1.2014 0.04354 139 118 14 7
1259 I gotta tell you I’m over this ‘hot world summer’. 1.2014 0.04107 139 116 18 5
1260 I’ve been trucking along for four and a half billion years. 1.2013 0.04038 149 125 18 6
1261 Jeeeeess, Larry, those humans burning fossil fuels are really making my asthma act up! 1.2013 0.04159 154 131 15 8
1262 Do you have any idea how emasculating it is to always be referred to as "Mother Earth?' 1.2013 0.04159 154 131 15 8
1263 I tried the Marie Kondo method,but humans just don 1.2013 0.03867 159 133 20 6
1264 Why me? 1.2013 0.04067 159 135 16 8
1265 Was I modeled after you 1.2013 0.03762 159 132 22 5
1266 I'd like a cooler on the rocks. 1.2013 0.03655 159 131 24 4
1267 You got any ice? 1.2013 0.03968 159 134 18 7
1268 I just keep going round and round. 1.2013 0.03762 159 132 22 5
1269 It's last call for me, so just leave the bottle. 1.2012 0.03886 164 138 19 7
1270 Why do they keep insisting that I am not too hot? 1.2012 0.03788 164 137 21 6
1271 How about one more for the orbit? 1.2012 0.03981 164 139 17 8
1272 War, pestilence, floods; give me a break! 1.2012 0.03714 169 141 22 6
1273 Please, Sir. Can I have more ice? I’m trying to cool off. 1.2012 0.03519 169 139 26 4
1274 Stop me if I mention climate change. 1.2012 0.03417 169 138 28 3
1275 Then, they invented something called MILF island… 1.2011 0.03907 174 148 17 9
1276 Don’t get me started 1.2011 0.03340 184 151 29 4
1277 I'm getting low on ice! 1.2011 0.03689 189 160 20 9
1278 What do climate scientists say about self-medicating? 1.2010 0.03165 209 172 32 5
1279 Then she says “you’re not worldly enough”. Can you believe that? 1.2000 0.03844 160 134 20 6
1280 Could you please turn the heat down a degree? I'm melting. 1.2000 0.03342 175 143 29 3
1281 What in the world can I do? 1.2000 0.03634 160 132 24 4
1282 Whoa! You're huge! 1.2000 0.03598 170 141 24 5
1283 Screw it— give me a plastic straw. 1.2000 0.04442 140 120 12 8
1284 This eco disaster has driven me to drink 1.2000 0.03866 145 120 21 4
1285 And don’t get me started on the hot flashes. 1.2000 0.04230 150 128 14 8
1286 … and that’s why they call it a Tequila sunrise. 1.2000 0.03559 180 150 24 6
1287 I get the whole fauna and flora diversity thing but flightless birds, what's that about? 1.2000 0.03900 150 125 20 5
1288 Hey, it’s hotter can you turn on the AC in here? 1.2000 0.03634 160 132 24 4
1289 I'll have a triple & hold the water since everybody is sucking it out so fast there're running low. 1.2000 0.04668 140 122 8 10
1290 A round for everyone please. 1.2000 0.04221 145 123 15 7
1291 And THEN they started burning this thing called coal 1.2000 0.04555 130 111 12 7
1292 No plastic straws, and it's for my own good? 1.2000 0.04310 135 114 15 6
1293 Boy it's awfully warm in in here 1.2000 0.03988 145 121 19 5
1294 My name is NOT Sherwin Williams! 1.2000 0.04080 140 117 18 5
1295 Give me one goddam reason not to tell the Moon to get lost! 1.2000 0.03878 170 144 18 8
1296 I swear to you I’m old enough 1.2000 0.04436 135 115 13 7
1297 Joe, do you believe she left me for an asteroid? 1.2000 0.04106 145 122 17 6
1298 Nope. I'm still spinn 1.2000 0.03878 170 144 18 8
1299 And then she said, "You are not my whole world, you know!" 1.2000 0.04286 130 109 16 5
1300 I haven’t had a headache like this since the dinosaurs went extinct. 1.2000 0.03400 200 167 26 7
1301 Every where I go, that's all I hear. "Last call! Last call!" 1.2000 0.04106 145 122 17 6
1302 It won't hurt the planet to add a little ice next time. Trust me. 1.2000 0.04032 155 131 17 7
1303 More ice — and please hurry. 1.2000 0.03818 155 129 21 5
1304 I have a bad case of humans. 1.2000 0.03579 185 155 23 7
1305 I don’t know why she left - I thought talking about global warming would be a good icebreaker. 1.1989 0.03626 181 152 22 7
1306 Remember the good old days, when climate change meant a new season 1.1989 0.03710 181 153 20 8
1307 Both candidates are too old! 1.1989 0.03363 181 149 28 4
1308 Evidently, I'm in a world of trouble. 1.1989 0.03514 176 146 25 5
1309 My southern hemisphere is hemorrhoidal! 1.1989 0.03694 176 148 21 7
1310 More clean water,please 1.1988 0.03766 171 144 20 7
1311 I’m getting the spins 1.1988 0.03546 166 137 25 4
1312 Please, no more dark and stormies 1.1988 0.03842 166 140 19 7
1313 Everybody talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it. 1.1988 0.03823 161 135 20 6
1314 Hey Mac, all my ice melted. 1.1987 0.03571 156 128 25 3
1315 There’s no “we” about it. I am the world. 1.1987 0.04008 156 132 17 7
1316 Could I get a little ice? 1.1987 0.03989 151 127 18 6
1317 Hey buddy, can I get a little more ice? 1.1987 0.04204 151 129 14 8
1318 I'll tell ya -- the number of people I'm supporting, it would make your head spin. 1.1987 0.04098 151 128 16 7
1319 Sometimes I feel like I got myself on my shoulders. 1.1986 0.04080 146 123 17 6
1320 Have you got a few billion years? 1.1984 0.04367 126 106 15 5
1321 I don't care. Let the bastards move elsewhere. 1.1983 0.04169 121 100 18 3
1322 The guy whose shoulders I'm standing on is complaining I'm too heavy. 1.1980 0.03499 197 166 23 8
1323 You forgot the dang ice! 1.1979 0.03403 192 160 26 6
1324 And THEN someone blue mooned me. 1.1978 0.03772 182 155 18 9
1325 Don't you have enough water to give me a full glass?" -sk whidbey island w 1.1978 0.03435 182 151 26 5
1326 The only thing they haven't messed with is my planetary orbit. When they screw with that, I'm outta here. 1.1978 0.03930 182 157 14 11
1327 I prefer to be stirred, not shaken. 1.1978 0.03435 182 151 26 5
1328 Whaddaya mean you're out of ice? 1.1977 0.03403 177 146 27 4
1329 Give me a heads up if any more humans come in. 1.1977 0.03403 177 146 27 4
1330 The dinosaurs were bad, but you guys? You guys were a death sentence. 1.1977 0.03746 172 145 20 7
1331 Is it me or is it hot in here? 1.1977 0.03924 172 147 16 9
1332 Give me whisky, I can’t drink the water in my oceans, rivers, and lakes anymore. 1.1977 0.03746 172 145 20 7
1333 No thanks. After one drink my head starts spinning and everyone gets dizzy! 1.1977 0.03261 172 140 30 2
1334 Give me a stiff one. I've been reading the headlines. 1.1976 0.03423 167 137 27 3
1335 I'm just too hot. 1.1976 0.03726 167 140 21 6
1336 I could cry you a river. 1.1975 0.03373 162 132 28 2
1337 Sometimes I feel like I'm just going in circles. 1.1975 0.03900 162 137 18 7
1338 What do you mean you've run out of ice ? 1.1975 0.03801 162 136 20 6
1339 Ever since I was a kid I've really wanted to be Saturn. 1.1975 0.03801 162 136 20 6
1340 Got any more ice? 1.1975 0.03664 157 130 23 4
1341 You got anything non-carbonated? 1.1974 0.04282 152 131 12 9
1342 But today is Earth Day! 1.1974 0.04282 152 131 12 9
1343 Do you mind if I smoke? 1.1973 0.03938 147 123 19 5
1344 IF one more person tells me it's 5 o'clock somewhere! 1.1973 0.04278 147 126 13 8
1345 This fever won't go away. 1.1972 0.03637 142 116 24 2
1346 Water I got, could you put some vodka in here ! 1.1972 0.04150 142 120 16 6
1347 What do you mean, Happy Hour is over? 1.1972 0.04384 142 122 12 8
1348 Hey, Fred, could I get a few million cubic yards of ice? 1.1971 0.03083 208 171 33 4
1349 Better cut me off. I’ve got the spins! 1.1971 0.04123 137 115 17 5
1350 This beer is flat. 1.1971 0.03854 137 113 21 3
1351 I started drinking when I heard climate change was a hoax. 1.1971 0.04123 137 115 17 5
1352 Nobody cares about me or my needs. 1.1969 0.03307 193 160 28 5
1353 We've been a couple for 4.5 billion years, Ok. Called herself Astroid. Then, out of the blue, she comes crashing into me like a fireball! So she's actually "a meteor right?" #mynewyorkercaption 1.1969 0.03692 193 165 18 10
1354 I told my son I'd come around in a year 1.1969 0.04189 127 106 17 4
1355 Don't you think I've had enough? 1.1968 0.03361 188 156 27 5
1356 I tell you,Man,the World 1.1968 0.03187 188 154 31 3
1357 I feel so small. 1.1968 0.03097 188 153 33 2
1358 i've been around the block and then some. 1.1967 0.03329 183 151 28 4
1359 For the first million years they were kind of cute. But now, Frankly, I'll be really glad when they leave. All 8 billion of them. 1.1967 0.03832 183 157 16 10
1360 Clearly we don’t have the same worldview! 1.1967 0.04134 183 161 8 14
1361 Ice on the rocks. Please. 1.1966 0.03656 178 150 21 7
1362 It all started when she said I was Bipolar. 1.1965 0.03541 173 144 24 5
1363 And then I said that's not my wife, that's the moon! 1.1965 0.03815 173 147 18 8
1364 I’m going to need a lot more ice. 1.1965 0.03280 229 194 25 10
1365 And to make things worse, I am the weight of the world." 1.1964 0.03800 168 142 19 7
1366 Earthquakes, and fires, and storms, oh my! 1.1964 0.03800 168 142 19 7
1367 Here’s an idea. Play some Perry Como once in awhile. 1.1963 0.03573 163 135 24 4
1368 I know I'm worldly but I still got problems! 1.1963 0.03975 163 139 16 8
1369 The moon is always hanging around, pulling on me! 1.1962 0.03643 158 131 23 4
1370 I like this bar because it is so down to earth. 1.1962 0.03643 158 131 23 4
1371 Could I get 2 billion more waters? 1.1962 0.03961 158 134 17 7
1372 Do you have something for a headache. 1.1961 0.04049 153 130 16 7
1373 Why the longitude face? 1.1961 0.03830 153 128 20 5
1374 And on top of it all, I'm dealing with a bad parasite infection. 1.1961 0.04153 153 131 14 8
1375 What if there really is an Earth 2 ? 1.1959 0.04142 148 126 15 7
1376 'Make it a double, I just saw the polar ice caps on Instagram.'" 1.1959 0.04251 148 127 13 8
1377 Continental drift is bad enough, but this incontinental drip is really killing me. 1.1959 0.04142 148 126 15 7
1378 And I said, “Your shoulders? What about what’s on my shoulders for god’s sake?” -Wade Munday, Nashville, Tenn 1.1959 0.03794 148 123 21 4
1379 Excuse me,may I have some more ice,please? 1.1959 0.04251 148 127 13 8
1380 Atlas? He is shopping for Ove Gloves. 1.1959 0.03038 194 158 34 2
1381 Help ! 1.1958 0.04123 143 121 16 6
1382 Stop me if I’m going in circles. 1.1958 0.03748 143 118 22 3
1383 Thing is, I feel like I'm spinning out of control. 1.1958 0.04123 143 121 16 6
1384 Joe, I feel like I've got the weight of, well, me on my shoulders. 1.1958 0.03877 143 119 20 4
1385 Extra ice and make it a double. 1.1957 0.03965 138 115 19 4
1386 All my problems are global problems! 1.1957 0.04096 138 116 17 5
1387 Everybody’s giving me a hard time! YOU’D have hot flashes too if you were 4.5 billion years old! 1.1957 0.03734 184 157 18 9
1388 I'm over-heating here. I need a Scotch on the rocks - but hold the Scotch 1.1956 0.03067 225 187 32 6
1389 Do you have a continental breakfast? 1.1955 0.03550 179 150 23 6
1390 A billion years of continental drift and I get itches near the equator. 1.1955 0.03461 179 149 25 5
1391 She said she was looking for someone "less worldly." 1.1954 0.03966 174 150 14 10
1392 What?! That's nothing - I gotta worry about ASTERoids. 1.1953 0.03779 169 143 19 7
1393 Do you ever feel like the weight of world is on your shoulders? 1.1953 0.03872 169 144 17 8
1394 I'm not drunk, I'm just a little off my axis. 1.1953 0.03872 169 144 17 8
1395 I could really use another ice cube, they keep melting! 1.1951 0.03856 164 139 18 7
1396 People are always asking how we save the planet, but never how it's actually feeling. 1.1951 0.03657 164 137 22 5
1397 She said I was gassy. Can you believe that? 1.1951 0.03856 164 139 18 7
1398 Just one more. I need to chill. 1.1951 0.03336 164 134 28 2
1399 This drink will make me more dizzy than me orbiting around the sun. 1.1951 0.03447 164 135 26 3
1400 Even the Earth prefers no straw to paper straws. 1.1951 0.03554 164 136 24 4
1401 And a big cup of ice on the side. 1.1950 0.03302 200 167 27 6
1402 I know I should keep it light and cheery, but I just effing hate Republicans. 1.1950 0.03523 200 170 21 9
1403 She complains that I am too distant. 1.1948 0.03578 154 127 24 3
1404 The good news is I don’t have an ice cream headache any more. 1.1948 0.04230 154 133 12 9
1405 I never get no respect! Every night I get mooned! 1.1948 0.04230 154 133 12 9
1406 She’ll be quite a bit smaller than me, but very luminous. 1.1948 0.03332 154 125 28 1
1407 ...and, on top of all that, they have the unmitigated audacity to call ME a hothead. 1.1946 0.03889 149 125 19 5
1408 Feels like I’m carrying the whole world on my shoulders. 1.1946 0.04004 149 126 17 6
1409 ”Venus gets all the sexy hoopla. Mars gets a candy bar named after him. Me? I get a crappy pair of shoes named after me! 1.1946 0.03889 149 125 19 5
1410 If I told you all my problems, we'd be here until the world ended. 1.1944 0.03532 180 151 23 6
1411 ...I even started finding them all over my southern pole! 1.1944 0.04213 144 123 14 7
1412 Venus just doesn't get me. 1.1944 0.03258 180 148 29 3
1413 My wife is a slut. 1.1944 0.04327 144 124 12 8
1414 Doctor says the fever will pass in a few hundred thousand years. 1.1943 0.03504 175 146 24 5
1415 And then she said “you better just cool off”! 1.1943 0.03687 175 148 20 7
1416 I got the moon's pronouns wrong so they dumped me. 1.1942 0.04317 139 119 13 7
1417 I'll have a double. Over ICE! 1.1942 0.03804 139 115 21 3
1418 Hey, Doc, I think I may be dying of thirst. 1.1942 0.03236 206 172 28 6
1419 No more drinks, I'm already spinning. 1.1941 0.03569 170 142 23 5
1420 Another round for all the king’s horses and men, please. 1.1941 0.04113 170 148 11 11
1421 I was a cool calm planet until I crossed global warning's path. 1.1940 0.04031 134 112 18 4
1422 No,No,I need a LOT of water! 1.1940 0.04300 134 114 14 6
1423 How am I doing? well....I think I'm going through ' the change' I keep getting these hot flashes " 1.1939 0.03835 165 140 18 7
1424 Turns out, it’s called vertigo. 1.1939 0.03930 165 141 16 8
1425 How big is your ice machine? 1.1938 0.04273 129 109 15 5
1426 You think you've got problems? My wife left me for another planet. 1.1938 0.04548 129 111 11 7
1427 So then my therapist tells me that my problem is that I’m bipolar. 1.1938 0.04014 160 137 15 8
1428 I used to be the center of her universe, before she met that Copernicus guy. 1.1938 0.03709 160 134 21 5
1429 I’ll have 8 billion burgers, please. 1.1938 0.04111 160 138 13 9
1430 I shouldn’t, but I turn to drink when I miss Pluto. 1.1938 0.03709 160 134 21 5
1431 Excuse me, why do I have to pay for water? 1.1937 0.03475 191 161 23 7
1432 I don't push they other planets away, but I never let them get closer to me, either. 1.1937 0.03395 191 160 25 6
1433 Im not toasting—I am toast. 1.1935 0.03785 155 130 20 5
1434 And do they really think that nammg a day after me makes up for all the crap I have to put up with? 1.1935 0.03281 186 154 28 4
1435 No thanks. I'm already polluted... 1.1935 0.04103 155 133 14 8
1436 I mean, is anyone out there? 1.1935 0.03894 155 131 18 6
1437 Do you have any more of this clean water back there? I'm running low. 1.1935 0.03785 155 130 20 5
1438 I used to be a meteorologist. 1.1935 0.04303 155 135 10 10
1439 And then she said, “You rock!” 1.1934 0.03426 181 151 25 5
1440 If the Moon calls looking for me, I'm not here. 1.1933 0.04304 150 130 11 9
1441 Wish I could return to the old world order 1.1933 0.04304 150 130 11 9
1442 But Venus just says my problems are nothing compared to hers. 1.1933 0.04198 150 129 13 8
1443 My doctor says I’m bipolar. 1.1933 0.03865 150 126 19 5
1444 I thought I said, "No carbon." 1.1933 0.03748 150 125 21 4
1445 I've got over 8 billion problems and you are just one 1.1931 0.03828 145 121 20 4
1446 I'll take a Hurricane, an Earthquake, and a Mudslide, please. 1.1931 0.04070 145 123 16 6
1447 With the dinosaurs, I swear I only drank on weekends 1.1930 0.03830 171 146 17 8
1448 Is it just me or has the whole place gone to hell? 1.1930 0.03452 171 142 25 4
1449 I’ve got something called homo-sapien-carcinoma. I don’t think I’m going to make it. I should have been born outside the inhabitable zone. 1.1929 0.04042 140 118 17 5
1450 She liked my magnetism, but didn’t like that I was bipolar. 1.1928 0.03716 166 140 20 6
1451 We’re all screwed! 1.1928 0.03716 166 140 20 6
1452 Can I get some extra ice? 1.1926 0.04139 135 114 16 5
1453 We go on one date and poof! I never hear from Pluto again. 1.1925 0.03175 187 154 30 3
1454 It all started with the evolution of homo sapiens 1.1923 0.04179 156 135 12 9
1455 And THAT'S why I drink Scotch neat. 1.1923 0.03496 182 153 23 6
1456 Finally, I found a neutral party to discuss the world’s problems. 1.1923 0.04515 130 112 11 7
1457 ice please! 1.1923 0.03318 182 151 27 4
1458 Show my ID? I don’t look 4.5 billion to you? 1.1923 0.04079 156 134 14 8
1459 I'd like to try that new drink you have..."Out Of This World" 1.1923 0.03871 156 132 18 6
1460 She really had me in her hands… 1.1921 0.03559 177 149 22 6
1461 This is my way of keeping hydrated. 1.1921 0.03725 151 126 21 4
1462 Hey, I'm burning up over here. How about a cold one? 1.1921 0.03955 151 128 17 6
1463 Hey...I'm not kidding. Pour me another. This one is flat. 1.1920 0.04204 125 105 16 4
1464 I know a thing or two about multiple personalities. 1.1919 0.03626 172 145 21 6
1465 I know you've heard it before, but this relationship I'm in is literally toxic. 1.1918 0.04160 146 125 14 7
1466 She said we’re polar opposites. 1.1918 0.03547 146 120 24 2
1467 You won’t believe the millennium I’ve had! 1.1917 0.04315 120 101 15 4
1468 Easy on the Tabasco, I'm burning up. 1.1916 0.03696 167 141 20 6
1469 Admittedly a cartoon dog ain't great, but much worse is being named after DIRT! 1.1916 0.03597 167 140 22 5
1470 Too late for last call? 1.1916 0.03391 167 138 26 3
1471 I used to mean the world to her. 1.1915 0.04140 141 120 15 6
1472 Let’s get them scrambled, I’m sick of sunny-side up. 1.1915 0.03887 141 118 19 4
1473 Will you call a cab so I can get out of here? 1.1915 0.04140 141 120 15 6
1474 I can’t remember my last happy hour! 1.1915 0.03335 188 157 26 5
1475 I can't stand it! I'm getting trashed 1.1913 0.03391 183 153 25 5
1476 In his hands", "On his shoulders" - I'm sick of being handled 1.1913 0.03302 183 152 27 4
1477 I'll stop drinking when they are all polluting Mars. 1.1913 0.03209 183 151 29 3
1478 How do I tell Atlas that he has to do a better job? 1.1912 0.04241 136 116 14 6
1479 It's that I'm burning up over it all & have no idea what to do about it! 1.1912 0.03692 136 112 22 2
1480 Well it was either come here or go to hell in a handbasket. 1.1911 0.04055 157 135 14 8
1481 The Horrors. 1.1910 0.03450 178 149 24 5
1482 I’m considered the galaxy’s Florida. 1.1908 0.04483 131 113 11 7
1483 Sir, can I have some more ice? It's all melting way too fast 1.1908 0.04040 152 130 15 7
1484 Water, please. I'm so dry and parched and hot. 1.1908 0.03583 152 126 23 3
1485 Honestly, what I need now is love, sweet love. 1.1908 0.03703 152 127 21 4
1486 No, you’re thinking of my brother, The Earth. I’m just A Ping Pong Ball With Lesions. 1.1905 0.04323 126 107 14 5
1487 How about one more for my last orbit? 1.1905 0.03476 168 140 24 4
1488 Make it a double and double that. 1.1905 0.03577 168 141 22 5
1489 You ever get the feeling that you're carrying the whole world on your shoulders? 1.1905 0.03901 147 124 18 5
1490 I would wear sunglasses at this point,but you know,no ears. 1.1905 0.04019 147 125 16 6
1491 I used to be a glass half full kind of planet. 1.1905 0.03780 147 123 20 4
1492 Could I have one more for the orbit? 1.1905 0.04018 126 105 18 3
1493 I'll have a mudslide, dark 'n' stormy, flaming volcano, hurricane, earthquake, tsunami, and some soft pretzels. 1.1902 0.03749 163 138 19 6
1494 Can you turn the AC on? I’m burning up. 1.1902 0.03541 163 136 23 4
1495 ''She said I wasn't edgy enough.'' 1.1902 0.03749 163 138 19 6
1496 So then I said: no, YOU'RE flat. 1.1902 0.04133 163 142 11 10
1497 It has been one disaster after another! 1.1901 0.03862 142 119 19 4
1498 Oh yeah?...well, I got 8 billion stories to tell you... 1.1901 0.03731 142 118 21 3
1499 Got anything with no carbon? 1.1901 0.03862 142 119 19 4
1500 More and more I’ve been wondering if the Sun and I are too close. 1.1898 0.04213 137 117 14 6
1501 Refill please… I’m just warming up. 1.1898 0.03668 137 113 22 2
1502 Another one of those and my world will be spinning. 1.1897 0.03084 195 161 31 3
1503 Is it hot in here, or is it just me? 1.1895 0.03796 153 129 19 5
1504 Could ya get me a glass of ice water, I’m feelin a little over heated. 1.1895 0.03796 153 129 19 5
1505 Hey barkeep, do you see the moon behind me? Seems like he has been following me for eons !!! 1.1894 0.04580 132 115 9 8
1506 'Sir, why did you put some pep in my drink?' 'Because the world needs to f*cking wake up.' 1.1893 0.03843 169 145 16 8
1507 I could use more ice, please. 1.1893 0.03458 169 141 24 4
1508 Where do I go if George Soros gives up on me? 1.1893 0.03656 169 143 20 6
1509 It all just spun out of control from that point on! 1.1892 0.03994 148 126 16 6
1510 I like a lot of my tenants but I'm trying to kick the humans out. 1.1892 0.04107 148 127 14 7
1511 So then he says to me, " Are you from another planet?" 1.1892 0.03757 148 124 20 4
1512 This is what the world has come to. 1.1892 0.04107 148 127 14 7
1513 I mean it this time—tomorrow morning, I'm turning things around. 1.1892 0.03994 148 126 16 6
1514 I thought I'd experienced everything; then last week I had a Brazilian done. 1.1890 0.03626 164 138 21 5
1515 I know I sound paranoid but I feel humans have ganged up to destroy me. 1.1890 0.04291 127 108 14 5
1516 I tell ya, I'm coming to an. end!?! 1.1890 0.04143 127 107 16 4
1517 I just don't know why they don't like me! They're killing me! 1.1890 0.04434 127 109 12 6
1518 Do you have lots of ice? Because I think I'm gonna need lots of ice. 1.1888 0.04320 143 124 11 8
1519 ...and all of a sudden, I start having these hot flashes. 1.1887 0.03588 159 133 22 4
1520 Where's your restroom? I've got gas. 1.1887 0.03697 159 134 20 5
1521 Since my 4.543 billion year birthday, I haven’t been feeling right. 1.1886 0.03380 175 146 25 4
1522 She had me on a string wrapped around her little finger. 1.1886 0.03380 175 146 25 4
1523 All that drinking and now my sea levels have risen. I'm a goner. 1.1884 0.03786 138 115 20 3
1524 Hey, Joe. Is it hot in here, or is it me? 1.1883 0.03773 154 130 19 5
1525 It's way too warm here -- I need some ice. 1.1883 0.03659 154 129 21 4
1526 ..........and it's all water weight! 1.1882 0.03336 170 141 26 3
1527 Yeah, I have a question. What's wrong with you people? You're killing me. 1.1882 0.03162 186 154 29 3
1528 My life is just a never-ending 'Shake, Rattle, and Roll'. 1.1882 0.03341 186 156 25 5
1529 I was able to handle the stress of my plate tectonics for eons, but these damn rising sea levels have driven me to drink. 1.1880 0.04365 117 99 14 4
1530 Yeah, sure they act locally, but they do not have a clue how to think globally! 1.1880 0.04015 133 112 17 4
1531 You wouldn’t believe the day I’ve had. 1.1879 0.03482 149 123 24 2
1532 Will this make the world go away? 1.1879 0.03969 149 127 16 6
1533 Has Venus asked about me/ 1.1879 0.03969 149 127 16 6
1534 I am exactly where I was a year ago, and the year before that. 1.1879 0.03733 149 125 20 4
1535 I've got a bad case of humans 1.1879 0.03501 165 138 23 4
1536 My asteroid belt makes me look fat so I am thinking of switching to asteroid suspenders. 1.1879 0.03605 165 139 21 5
1537 Nobody respects me anymore. 1.1879 0.03284 165 136 27 2
1538 Whaddya mean ...last call! 1.1875 0.04402 128 110 12 6
1539 Pour me a double, boss, they told me I only got twelve years. 1.1875 0.04673 128 112 8 8
1540 Just trying to replenish some liquid I have lost. 1.1875 0.03567 160 134 22 4
1541 Line ‘em up Sam. It’s gonna be a long story with a sad ending. 1.1875 0.04060 144 123 15 6
1542 ...and one more for the orbit. 1.1875 0.04060 144 123 15 6
1543 Another huge asteroid would fix me right up, but until that day comes along, I drink. 1.1875 0.04060 144 123 15 6
1544 Put it on humanity's tab. 1.1875 0.03984 160 138 14 8
1545 You hiring? I think my current gig is just about up. 1.1875 0.03938 144 122 17 5
1546 It's quarter to three There's no-one in the place 'Cept You and me. So set 'em up Joe, Make it one for my baby, and one more For the road 1.1875 0.04178 144 124 13 7
1547 Are we completely out of ice? 1.1872 0.03234 203 171 26 6
1548 Have anything non-carbonated? 1.1871 0.03421 171 143 24 4
1549 I'm just saying, I remember when Mars came in here. 1.1871 0.03318 171 142 26 3
1550 How would you feel if everyone called you, “messed up?” 1.1871 0.03520 171 144 22 5
1551 Did you feel that? It felt like a tectonic shift." 1.1871 0.03318 171 142 26 3
1552 Excuse me, all of my ice melted. 1.1871 0.03616 171 145 20 6
1553 Everything was fine until someone invented 'God'. 1.1871 0.03968 155 133 15 7
1554 No matter how much I drink, I keep getting warmer 1.1871 0.03750 155 131 19 5
1555 I don't think you understand what it is to have the weight of the world on your shoulders. 1.1871 0.04156 139 119 14 6
1556 Can I get some more ice, please? 1.1871 0.03897 139 117 18 4
1557 People keep saying I'm too hot for them. 1.1871 0.03897 139 117 18 4
1558 I'm so hot all the time, but no one seems to care. 1.1871 0.04156 139 119 14 6
1559 This job is killin me. 1.1871 0.04280 139 120 12 7
1560 So then Atlas said to me that he needed more space. 1.1870 0.04373 123 105 13 5
1561 Do I look flat in this globe? 1.1870 0.04218 123 104 15 4
1562 Another one on ice… I really need to cool down 1.1870 0.04218 123 104 15 4
1563 I need a towel. My ice caps are melting. 1.1868 0.03196 182 151 28 3
1564 I was promised a spin off when 'As the World Turns' ended, but that never happened. 1.1868 0.03556 182 155 20 7
1565 Climate talks are over, next? 1.1867 0.04056 150 129 14 7
1566 You should have seen the rings on her 1.1867 0.03829 150 127 18 5
1567 It's like I said. They'll be sorry when they discover they don't have me to kick around anymore." 1.1867 0.03944 150 128 16 6
1568 And things aren’t much better on Mars. 1.1867 0.03711 150 126 20 4
1569 So I said, ‘If it’s a hoax, they sure fooled me.’ 1.1867 0.04056 150 129 14 7
1570 I just don’t like when people call me flat. 1.1867 0.03829 150 127 18 5
1571 Make it on the rocks; the heat is really getting to me. 1.1865 0.02997 193 159 32 2
1572 Make it a double. A strong double. 1.1863 0.04058 161 140 12 9
1573 How I wish to get as old as you. 1.1863 0.03321 161 133 26 2
1574 I'm flat and broke! 1.1863 0.03760 161 137 18 6
1575 No more thanks, I am already seeing two moons. 1.1863 0.03655 161 136 20 5
1576 I don't know why everyone keeps saying that. It's NOT a stage. 1.1862 0.03913 145 123 17 5
1577 Would it be presumptuous to ask for Moonshine? 1.1862 0.03789 145 122 19 4
1578 To make the world go away I am gonna need another shot 1.1860 0.04370 129 111 12 6
1579 Did you know that they named the "highball" after me! 1.1860 0.03196 172 142 28 2
1580 This is my last one. I’ve got the spins. 1.1859 0.03838 156 133 17 6
1581 Is it just me or is it hot in here? 1.1857 0.03872 140 118 18 4
1582 ...and the people have their head up where the Sun don't shine. 1.1857 0.04002 140 119 16 5
1583 Whaddaya mean it's last call? 1.1857 0.03597 140 116 22 2
1584 Don't kill the messenger, but Ireland is asking for something a wee bit stronger. 1.1857 0.04251 140 121 12 7
1585 and then the guy bet me a drink that i was flat 1.1857 0.04002 140 119 16 5
1586 May I have more ice please? 1.1856 0.03665 167 142 19 6
1587 I got plenty of water, I just want a stiff drink. 1.1856 0.03463 167 140 23 4
1588 Sure it’s bad but it’s even worse on Pluto. 1.1854 0.03920 151 129 16 6
1589 Last Call! Or What? 1.1854 0.03920 151 129 16 6
1590 It's getting hot in here 1.1854 0.03566 151 126 22 3
1591 I tried to warn them, but now it’s so hot we’ve run out of ice. 1.1854 0.03688 151 127 20 4
1592 Ice please--350 billion tons a year. 1.1854 0.03920 151 129 16 6
1593 I said "Stare decisis," but they didn't hear. 1.1854 0.03806 151 128 18 5
1594 I told you, 'No carbonated drinks! Now I'm overheating!.' 1.1854 0.03566 151 126 22 3
1595 Is it Last Call yet? 1.1854 0.03688 151 127 20 4
1596 Things were great then I had a outbreak of humans around my Fertile Crescent, full blown pyramids too. 1.1854 0.04245 151 132 10 9
1597 I'm telling you it's half empty; mark my words. 1.1852 0.03960 135 114 17 4
1598 Give me a double - it's terminal. 1.1852 0.03527 162 136 22 4
1599 How could you possibly run out of fresh water? 1.1852 0.03417 162 135 24 3
1600 No, I'm drinking for 8,045,311,447. 1.1852 0.04230 135 116 13 6
1601 I just call it "warming" 1.1852 0.04230 135 116 13 6
1602 ...so i say 'Go to Mars, see if I care!' 1.1852 0.03839 162 139 16 7
1603 How about an ice cube? 1.1852 0.03527 162 136 22 4
1604 Yeah, I get a pension. But now I’ve got 7.5 billion years with nothing to do. 1.1852 0.04097 135 115 15 5
1605 Hi, Name’s Gorbachev 1.1852 0.04230 135 116 13 6
1606 I’m usually a glass half full type of planet, but come on! 1.1850 0.03384 173 145 24 4
1607 He had the whole me... in his hands. He had the whole me in his hands! 1.1850 0.03179 173 143 28 2
1608 What's so great about Mars 1.1850 0.03384 173 145 24 4
1609 Don’t even ask me about the chatter on Mars 1.1849 0.03637 146 122 21 3
1610 I just worry I’m a bad mother. 1.1849 0.03637 146 122 21 3
1611 Thanks Buddy. I'm parched! 1.1849 0.04124 146 126 13 7
1612 Doc says 5 years. I’m saying I have another ice age in me. 1.1849 0.04128 119 100 16 3
1613 I glad I found you, almost half the Earth is dry. 1.1847 0.03815 157 134 17 6
1614 I fell to earth, I know not where. 1.1847 0.03594 157 132 21 4
1615 Technically, alcohol is a coolant. 1.1847 0.03706 157 133 19 5
1616 If I could afford it, I’d splurge on a water, but just give me another Chateau Lafite. 1.1847 0.03706 157 133 19 5
1617 She cheated on me with Uranus!? 1.1847 0.03706 157 133 19 5
1618 Hypothetically, if someone clogged your toilet, would you be mad or like cool and understanding about it? 1.1847 0.03920 157 135 15 7
1619 Before climate change, it was a peninsular. 1.1847 0.03479 157 131 23 3
1620 What about the weight on MY shoulders? Ever think of that? 1.1846 0.04055 130 110 16 4
1621 I've got one humongous hemorrhoid. Come on guess what I named him. 1.1844 0.03712 141 118 20 3
1622 Do you know where Mother Nature is? 1.1844 0.04101 141 121 14 6
1623 It's just that all my friends have turned against me. 1.1844 0.03846 141 119 18 4
1624 Problems? I got a whole me of 'em! 1.1844 0.03976 141 120 16 5
1625 I'm so sick of being called flat... 1.1844 0.03404 179 151 23 5
1626 I said listen sun, give me till tomorrow, I’ll cool down ok?! 1.1844 0.03584 179 153 19 7
1627 One disaster after another, and they say it's all in my head. 1.1842 0.03896 152 130 16 6
1628 Hey, is the room spinning or is it me? 1.1842 0.03896 152 130 16 6
1629 It's so rare to find a place with clean water and a pleasant atmosphere. 1.1842 0.03666 152 128 20 4
1630 They offered me a continental breakfast... 1.1840 0.03507 163 137 22 4
1631 8 billion roommates and not one of them pays me rent! 1.1840 0.03397 163 136 24 3
1632 Nobody listens. 1.1840 0.03167 163 134 28 1
1633 I'm spinning already. What's one more? 1.1840 0.03997 125 105 17 3
1634 You don't know what it's like to be so hot. 1.1839 0.03464 174 147 22 5
1635 It’s not easy trying to be green. 1.1839 0.03464 174 147 22 5
1636 My glass is definitely half empty. 1.1838 0.03792 136 114 19 3
1637 So Planet Earth walks into a bar and says, “I'll have something non-carbonated.” 1.1838 0.04201 136 117 13 6
1638 75% of my surface is water, but you would’nt believe how hard it is for me to get a drink! 1.1838 0.03933 136 115 17 4
1639 God, I hate people. 1.1838 0.03585 185 159 18 8
1640 My therapist said to stop blaming other people for my problems. 1.1837 0.03741 147 124 19 4
1641 Shakiness, flooding, overheating, maybe it's menopause? 1.1835 0.04099 158 138 11 9
1642 Everyone’s trying to change me. 1.1835 0.03792 158 135 17 6
1643 Make the World go away! Make the World go away! That’s all I hear these days! 1.1835 0.03574 158 133 21 4
1644 I said ice water! 1.1834 0.03425 169 142 23 4
1645 Call me a hypochondriac, but it feels like I'm burning up 1.1834 0.03625 169 144 19 6
1646 And don't get me started on the moon: New moon, full moon, blue moon, harvest moon, super moon, lunar eclipse, give me a break. 1.1833 0.04581 120 104 10 6
1647 Small world...meeting you here. 1.1832 0.03877 131 110 18 3
1648 I may present like a globalist but I drink like an isolationist. 1.1832 0.04169 131 112 14 5
1649 I admit it. I'm a mess. 1.1831 0.04195 142 123 12 7
1650 If the moon calls, I'm not here. 1.1831 0.03821 142 120 18 4
1651 Hey there, barkeep! What do you have that’ll cool me down a few degrees! 1.1830 0.03644 153 129 20 4
1652 Then, Pluto left ... Not a word. 1.1830 0.03644 153 129 20 4
1653 I need a drink. I'm hot. 1.1829 0.03593 164 139 20 5
1654 I only drink when Mercury is in retrograde 1.1829 0.03593 164 139 20 5
1655 You ever feel like your life is just going around in circles? 1.1829 0.03593 164 139 20 5
1656 Earth calling! I'm running dry over here! 1.1829 0.03249 175 146 26 3
1657 Yes I agree with you...it's metaphysically impossible. Yet here we are. 1.1826 0.04381 115 98 13 4
1658 Don't even get me started on the Big Bang. 1.1825 0.03968 126 106 17 3
1659 You'd drink too if you knew the sun was going to grow into a red giant in 7.5 billion years and vaporize you! 1.1825 0.04042 137 117 15 5
1660 It was better when I was flat! 1.1825 0.04299 137 119 11 7
1661 I guess it all started the day you were all born 1.1825 0.03767 137 115 19 3
1662 Hey Buddy, you mind helping me get this continent out of my eye? 1.1825 0.04173 137 118 13 6
1663 I had a great fall, but the people I sued had greater lawyers. 1.1825 0.03767 137 115 19 3
1664 I guess I just have a lot on my continents. 1.1825 0.04042 137 117 15 5
1665 More, please. I’m so very dry 1.1824 0.03840 148 126 17 5
1666 And then she just walked out. Said I'm not cool anymore. 1.1824 0.03958 148 127 15 6
1667 My water is getting warm. Could you bring me some ice? 1.1824 0.04072 148 128 13 7
1668 Earth Day is great, but I need more than one day off a year! 1.1824 0.03327 148 122 25 1
1669 Just when I thought I'd seen it all, along comes George Santos. 1.1824 0.03770 159 136 17 6
1670 My therapist says I put too much weight on my shoulders. 1.1824 0.03874 159 137 15 7
1671 If I'm so hot, how come I can't get a date in here? 1.1824 0.03770 159 136 17 6
1672 The atmosphere is so much better in here. 1.1824 0.03321 159 132 25 2
1673 People keep saying that I'm getting hot. 1.1824 0.03663 159 135 19 5
1674 I guess it’s time to close out my tab. 1.1824 0.03663 159 135 19 5
1675 I feel like I'm carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders. 1.1824 0.03196 170 141 27 2
1676 My ice melted again, can I have some more? 1.1824 0.03794 170 147 15 8
1677 I'm polluted. 1.1818 0.04232 121 103 14 4
1678 This global warming is giving me a hell of a thirst! 1.1818 0.03850 132 111 18 3
1679 Here’s proof you can’t eliminate global warming with deodorant. 1.1818 0.04540 132 116 8 8
1680 Everyone says its terminal. 1.1818 0.04277 132 114 12 6
1681 And then she says to me, "what are you coming to?" 1.1818 0.04140 132 113 14 5
1682 Pour me another one--I can still feel them crawling all over me! 1.1818 0.03360 165 138 24 3
1683 I'll go another round 1.1818 0.03360 165 138 24 3
1684 You know, it's not the heat; it's the humidity. Also the carbon dioxide, the methane, the nitrogen oxides, the halogenated gases, the sulphur dioxide, the... 1.1818 0.03797 143 121 18 4
1685 It started in the damn '70s. Everyone was buying me a Coke, I needed something stronger and it's been downhill ever since. 1.1818 0.03797 143 121 18 4
1686 It's my Earth Day and my ice is leaving me. 1.1818 0.03503 154 129 22 3
1687 I haven't felt the need to drink since the ice age. 1.1818 0.03665 143 120 20 3
1688 And now Antarctica won't allow any more colonoscopies" 1.1818 0.03924 143 122 16 5
1689 I've got forest fires - can you give me a bigger glass? 1.1818 0.04064 154 134 12 8
1690 Can I get more ice in my water? It keeps melting! 1.1818 0.03180 198 167 26 5
1691 Hit me with something, anything to cool me down! 1.1812 0.03419 160 134 23 3
1692 People keep saying the world is getting smaller. Tell me about it. 1.1812 0.03419 160 134 23 3
1693 Global warming not real? I've got burning hemorrhoids, dry mouth, and acid reflux 1.1812 0.03748 160 137 17 6
1694 Don't ask. 1.1812 0.03816 149 127 17 5
1695 The constant hot flashes are killing me. 1.1812 0.03816 149 127 17 5
1696 Trust me. I can say “I’ll have another” in two hundred languages. 1.1812 0.03816 149 127 17 5
1697 The doc says the cancer has globalized. 1.1812 0.03695 149 126 19 4
1698 Boy, do I need a stiff drink! 1.1812 0.03695 149 126 19 4
1699 I got my own problems. 1.1812 0.03441 149 124 23 2
1700 I'll take my check please. I'm starting to spin. 1.1812 0.03881 138 117 17 4
1701 Basically, I’m a hot mess. 1.1812 0.04270 138 120 11 7
1702 All I want to do is this: I just want to find 11,780 votes, which is one more than we have. 1.1812 0.04015 138 118 15 5
1703 Doc says my high temperatures and chills are due to an imbalance in my macrobiome,whatever that means. Plus I’m really greenhouse gassy lately. 1.1812 0.04144 138 119 13 6
1704 Hey! My ice is melting over here! 1.1812 0.04392 138 121 9 8
1705 Hey! Yes you. I'm waiting for some attention over here! 1.1812 0.04144 138 119 13 6
1706 No, you don't understand. It takes a village. 1.1812 0.03448 138 114 23 1
1707 I drink to fill the hole in my ozone layer. 1.1812 0.03598 138 115 21 2
1708 What do you mean, last call? 1.1811 0.04390 127 110 11 6
1709 Could I get something non-carbonated? 1.1811 0.04245 127 109 13 5
1710 abandoning me for Mars is so not cool… 1.1811 0.04095 127 108 15 4
1711 I'm a glass half-full kind of planet 1.1811 0.03940 127 107 17 3
1712 Seriously, where did I go wrong with mankind? 1.1806 0.03715 155 132 18 5
1713 Rand McNally is full of s#*t! 1.1806 0.03715 155 132 18 5
1714 Do you ever see any meteorites in here? I’m hoping to not run into any of them. 1.1806 0.03715 155 132 18 5
1715 You remember me? I know I’ve aged but underneath it’s the same old me. 1.1806 0.03600 155 131 20 4
1716 It's a Sad, Sad, Sad, Sad World. 1.1806 0.03899 144 123 16 5
1717 How'd _you_ like to be mooned 24/7? 1.1806 0.03772 144 122 18 4
1718 On the rocks, please - and keep 'em coming 1.1806 0.04022 144 124 14 6
1719 And you think your life is complicated ... ? 1.1806 0.03772 144 122 18 4
1720 Just water. I'm hot! 1.1806 0.03506 144 120 22 2
1721 I can't wait till Musk sends you all to Mars. 1.1806 0.04141 144 125 12 7
1722 I don't care that it was 180 million years ago, a break up's a break up! 1.1806 0.03772 144 122 18 4
1723 That moon keeps following me, tugging at me day and night. 1.1806 0.03772 144 122 18 4
1724 It’s like an invisible force keeps me spinning in circles. 1.1806 0.04256 144 126 10 8
1725 More ice. 1.1805 0.04111 133 114 14 5
1726 Next time, can you hold the carbonation? 1.1805 0.04111 133 114 14 5
1727 I just need my space. 1.1805 0.03970 133 113 16 4
1728 I wish Atlas hadn’t gone into the moving business. 1.1805 0.03970 133 113 16 4
1729 And bring some ice please. Mine's melting. 1.1805 0.04379 133 116 10 7
1730 Nobody believes me. I’m not faking it, my wobble is a little off 1.1802 0.03370 172 145 23 4
1731 'I'll have a planet-sized margarita, please. Just trying to take the edge off climate change!' 1.1802 0.03470 172 146 21 5
1732 Panic Cocktail please! with ice on top and bottom only. 1.1802 0.03567 172 147 19 6
1733 So I told her I prefer sexy, not hot 1.1802 0.03470 172 146 21 5
1734 For years,I had it practically all to myself and then this wise guy Hobbs comes along! 1.1801 0.03512 161 136 21 4
1735 Nice chatting with you Atlas 1.1801 0.03621 161 137 19 5
1736 ...and you think you've got problems. 1.1801 0.04027 161 141 11 9
1737 Easy for you to tell me to keep cool 1.1801 0.03163 161 133 27 1
1738 I’m gonna need several more of these. 1.1801 0.03621 161 137 19 5
1739 Is it me or is it getting really warm in here? 1.1801 0.03163 161 133 27 1
1740 And then this skinny guy with a fedora throws a string around me and starts singin'." 1.1801 0.03727 161 138 17 6
1741 The topper is that Elon Musk want to live on Mars. 1.1800 0.03792 150 128 17 5
1742 You wouldn't believe the problems I have. 1.1800 0.03792 150 128 17 5
1743 Wow, do you have anything a little more polluted? 1.1800 0.03548 150 126 21 3
1744 Is it me, or is it a bit too hot in here? 1.1800 0.03908 150 129 15 6
1745 What I really need is some ice. 1.1799 0.02900 189 156 32 1
1746 So you think I had enough already, eh? Let me tell you something. I’m not flat, you know! 1.1799 0.04362 139 122 9 8
1747 As a kid, no one ever wanted to give me a piggy back ride. 1.1799 0.03855 139 118 17 4
1748 I've been dying for some nice clean water. 1.1799 0.03988 139 119 15 5
1749 My glass is half empty, just like the heads of the climate deniers. 1.1799 0.04116 139 120 13 6
1750 Could I please have some extra ice, mine's all melted! 1.1799 0.03717 139 117 19 3
1751 I’m just saying it tastes like it’s more than two-thirds water. 1.1798 0.03199 178 149 26 3
1752 Sometimes I feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders. 1.1798 0.03199 178 149 26 3
1753 Thanks. I’m parched! 1.1797 0.04065 128 109 15 4
1754 I feel like it’s the room that’s spinning 1.1797 0.04214 128 110 13 5
1755 And that's why I'm glad you didn't give me a straw for my drink. 1.1796 0.03732 167 144 16 7
1756 You can't imagine the day I've had. 1.1796 0.03213 167 139 26 2
1757 I need a quick pick me up! 1.1795 0.04479 117 101 11 5
1758 Do I have to do everything around here? I mean, can a mother get a little help? 1.1795 0.03462 156 131 22 3
1759 I know most people's looks decline with age, but I'm getting hotter all the time. 1.1793 0.03996 145 125 14 6
1760 Atlas? Oh sure, he said he'd carry me, but look where I wound up. 1.1793 0.03748 145 123 18 4
1761 Hey Bert could I get a double shot of floods? Boy it’s getting hot in here! 1.1793 0.03748 145 123 18 4
1762 And then, all these royal horsemen show up and try to put me back together. 1.1793 0.04229 145 127 10 8
1763 When do the pole dancers start? 1.1793 0.03874 145 124 16 5
1764 You wouldn't believe how hot it is out there. 1.1793 0.03618 145 122 20 3
1765 Well, excuse me for wanting to cool down a little. 1.1793 0.03996 145 125 14 6
1766 Hey Bud if world peace were that easy I wouldn’t need this drink! 1.1793 0.03996 145 125 14 6
1767 With these Goldilocks Planets it’s all about “location, location, location”. 1.1793 0.03874 145 124 16 5
1768 My scalp is melting, my backside is hot, itchy, and wet, and my belly is either sweaty or burning. I'll take your midlife crisis anytime. 1.1792 0.03451 173 147 21 5
1769 I'm gonna need something stronger; I just watched An Inconvenient Truth. 1.1792 0.03251 173 145 25 3
1770 Oh! I'd be just fine without people! 1.1791 0.04082 134 115 14 5
1771 Surprise me . 1.1790 0.03705 162 139 17 6
1772 Wars, famine, global warming, I can't seem to get a break. Make the next one a double 1.1790 0.03265 162 135 25 2
1773 Well-l-l, Rand, he's OK...but that McNally, he's a real S.O.B.! 1.1790 0.03265 162 135 25 2
1774 Another--I'm still not rotating fast enough! 1.1790 0.03705 162 139 17 6
1775 Does it feel warmin here to you? 1.1790 0.03600 162 138 19 5
1776 I would like water that you can’t walk on. 1.1788 0.03650 151 128 19 4
1777 The bar-sign said "Ice Cold Beer!" 1.1788 0.03399 151 126 23 2
1778 Hey, buddy, I need more ice...a whole lot more ice, here! 1.1788 0.03884 151 130 15 6
1779 I have been going around in circles for a long time. 1.1788 0.03650 151 128 19 4
1780 Can you fucking believe it? A season-ending Achilles tear on his FOURTH SNAP?! 1.1788 0.03650 151 128 19 4
1781 Hey, earth to bartender, another whiskey please! 1.1788 0.03884 151 130 15 6
1782 Do you think I should see a doctor? I've been running a fever for the last decade or two. 1.1788 0.03996 151 131 13 7
1783 Whoa. Now I'm really spinning.” 1.1788 0.03884 151 130 15 6
1784 I thought I had problems. Boy Barkeep, you have the weight of the world on your bar. 1.1788 0.03374 179 152 22 5
1785 In the future... even Earth can't get ice. 1.1786 0.03711 168 145 16 7
1786 She said she wanted to see the world.And the next thing I know I'm in handcuffs! 1.1786 0.03961 140 120 15 5
1787 Do you have any low carb(on) beers? 1.1786 0.03961 140 120 15 5
1788 Thanks for listening. It's tough having the weight of the world on my shoulders. 1.1786 0.04089 140 121 13 6
1789 Give it to me straight! Do I look like Humpty Dumpty? 1.1786 0.04089 140 121 13 6
1790 So, I'm world weary..what of it? 1.1786 0.04089 140 121 13 6
1791 Stop, I'm incontinent. 1.1786 0.03961 140 120 15 5
1792 She's been acting weird ever since the eclipse. I think she might be cheating on me. 1.1783 0.03558 157 133 20 4
1793 I’ve got this infection called people and it’s killing me 1.1783 0.03321 157 131 24 2
1794 I can give her the world. But, she just wants Paris. 1.1783 0.04184 129 111 13 5
1795 Whoa, it's making me feeling warm all over. 1.1783 0.04036 129 110 15 4
1796 Keep the drinks coming until I’m in retrograde 1.1783 0.03724 129 108 19 2
1797 I get they’re unhappy, but looking for life somewhere else? 1.1783 0.04184 129 111 13 5
1798 What IS so funny about peace, love, and understanding? 1.1783 0.04464 129 113 9 7
1799 Why do I let people walk all over me? 1.1783 0.04464 129 113 9 7
1800 It’s to darn hot out there 1.1782 0.03021 174 144 29 1
1801 I’ll take a carbon capture on the rocks 1.1781 0.03596 146 123 20 3
1802 I know it’s meta. Please listen to my problems anyway! 1.1781 0.03596 146 123 20 3
1803 Bartender can I get some more ice? All mine has melted. 1.1781 0.03970 146 126 14 6
1804 If my life calls, I'm not here. 1.1781 0.03970 146 126 14 6
1805 Can I get half the booze but double the rocks? 1.1781 0.03725 146 124 18 4
1806 And then she said, "you're just not hot enough for me." 1.1781 0.03725 146 124 18 4
1807 Ugh, you know me. I have the whole world on my shoulders. 1.1781 0.03725 146 124 18 4
1808 Being the third of eight I don’t get much attention but as you’ve heard, I could use some help. 1.1781 0.03849 146 125 16 5
1809 Hit me again 1.1781 0.03596 146 123 20 3
1810 I know I look terrible. It's called climate change! 1.1781 0.04312 146 129 8 9
1811 I got a garbage patch as big as Texas, a wart on my ass the size of Mount Everest and my dick is shaped like New Zealand — but you know me, I can't complain! 1.1780 0.03635 191 167 14 10
1812 I’m really not sure how much more of this I can take! 1.1780 0.04604 118 103 9 6
1813 No one wants to visit me. 1.1779 0.03684 163 140 17 6
1814 Keep ‘em coming, Joe. And make sure there’s enough for everybody. 1.1779 0.03580 163 139 19 5
1815 Father Time is running out on us and our mom, Mother Earth. 1.1779 0.03580 163 139 19 5
1816 How come I'm the only planet here at Planet Hollywood? 1.1778 0.04567 135 120 6 9
1817 I told her my world revolves around her but she said she's more attracted to black holes. 1.1778 0.03915 135 115 16 4
1818 Could you turn up the A.C. a little? 1.1778 0.03537 180 155 18 7
1819 Bartender: Say, we don't get many planets in here. Earth: And at these prices — plus global warming, of course — you won't get many more. 1.1778 0.04318 135 118 10 7
1820 I found standing in a freezer helps with the baldness. 1.1778 0.03915 135 115 16 4
1821 Could you turn up the a/c? I’m boiling. 1.1778 0.03357 180 153 22 5
1822 It may be a small world, but it's giving me a big headache. 1.1778 0.03915 135 115 16 4
1823 Oh my God,I am so trashed! 1.1778 0.04054 135 116 14 5
1824 I'm just looking for something chill. 1.1776 0.03746 152 130 17 5
1825 A cold one, please. 1.1776 0.03860 152 131 15 6
1826 Oh, and don't get me started on the so called "Flat Earthers!" 1.1776 0.03379 152 127 23 2
1827 Set me up, Joe. I’ll have one more for Mother Nature and one more for the road. 1.1776 0.04080 152 133 11 8
1828 Hit me again, Sam. I feel like I’m carrying the weight of the world around these days. 1.1776 0.03972 152 132 13 7
1829 Could you show me the way to the next solar system 1.1774 0.04292 124 107 12 5
1830 One more for the orbit. 1.1773 0.03669 141 119 19 3
1831 I 'm simply fed up being on everyone's string! 1.1773 0.03528 141 118 21 2
1832 I am composed of 71% water, and that’s what you serve me? 1.1773 0.04062 141 122 13 6
1833 You would also badly need a drink if you had the kind of year I’ve had. 1.1772 0.03537 158 134 20 4
1834 They spin me more than they look at me 1.1772 0.03421 158 133 22 3
1835 Give me a Fireball shot. I’m giving up. 1.1772 0.03758 158 136 16 6
1836 I'll take a shot of climate stability 1.1772 0.03301 158 132 24 2
1837 It’s a Small World After All” drove me to drink 1.1772 0.03758 158 136 16 6
1838 We’re drinkin’, my friend, to the end of a brief cosmological episode, made briefer, I might add, by your massively screwed up species, Joe. 1.1771 0.03692 175 152 15 8
1839 Global warming makes me thirsty. 1.1769 0.03856 130 110 17 3
1840 I'll have another - double. This may be my last drink ever! 1.1769 0.04153 130 112 13 5
1841 And why is it always a "handbasket"? 1.1769 0.04153 130 112 13 5
1842 Hit me again...I'm feelin' a little shaky. 1.1769 0.04153 130 112 13 5
1843 The world's no place for a guy like me. 1.1769 0.04007 130 111 15 4
1844 I tried the Marie Kondo method, but humans just don’t spark joy. 1.1769 0.04061 147 128 12 7
1845 And the meteor like came out of nowhere man! 1.1769 0.03701 147 125 18 4
1846 Now 10 percent of the Earth is tequila! 1.1769 0.03573 147 124 20 3
1847 Earth? I'm Gorbachev's twin brother! 1.1769 0.03945 147 127 14 6
1848 That moonshine sure has a way of sneaking up on me. 1.1769 0.03945 147 127 14 6
1849 Hey would you mind watching my drink for 24 seconds? 1.1769 0.03573 147 124 20 3
1850 Don’t tell Mother Earth I’m here! 1.1769 0.04175 147 129 10 8
1851 It’s always something. 1.1769 0.04061 147 128 12 7
1852 I don't know why all the other planets feel so distant. 1.1769 0.03701 147 125 18 4
1853 Please tell me that this not last call. 1.1769 0.03701 147 125 18 4
1854 Hey, bartender, are you hot? I'm hot, I'm really hot, are you hot? 1.1768 0.03151 181 152 26 3
1855 Excuse me! Do you have any idea why my drink keeps getting warmer? 1.1768 0.03340 181 154 22 5
1856 Have you seen this guy Gorbachev? 1.1765 0.03889 136 116 16 4
1857 No straw, please. 1.1765 0.03889 136 116 16 4
1858 Atlas shrugged 1.1765 0.03598 136 114 20 2
1859 Thanks, but I'm not sure that's going to fix my drought problem! 1.1765 0.03476 170 145 20 5
1860 So it turns out, my brother's hiding behind the sun all this time. 1.1765 0.04244 119 102 13 4
1861 I just can't take it anymore. 1.1765 0.03889 136 116 16 4
1862 This wine has kind of an “earthy” aroma. 1.1765 0.03574 170 146 18 6
1863 And I always end up exactly where I began 1.1765 0.04159 136 118 12 6
1864 Give me something stiffer. We're running out of time. 1.1765 0.03374 170 144 22 4
1865 Global warming my ass. It’s herpes and some purple-haired tree hugger gave it to me. 1.1761 0.03491 176 151 19 6
1866 I don’t need to mix in water, I’m already 70% water. 1.1761 0.03672 176 153 15 8
1867 Ice quick! I’m burning up over here! 1.1761 0.03402 159 134 22 3
1868 Bartender, this drink is flat. 1.1761 0.03283 159 133 24 2
1869 I have no idea what I’m doing with my life. 1.1761 0.03283 159 133 24 2
1870 What's a world to do? 1.1761 0.04157 142 124 11 7
1871 Stop telling me the glass is half-full and just keep pouring. 1.1761 0.04157 142 124 11 7
1872 Can I get a little ice, please? 1.1761 0.03505 142 119 21 2
1873 Beach front property my foot! 1.1760 0.03945 125 106 16 3
1874 Oh, boy...have I had a day! 1.1760 0.04106 125 107 14 4
1875 I'm telling you, they don't do this crap to Mars or Venus. 1.1760 0.04692 125 111 6 8
1876 Hello! Hello! Glass half empty! 1.1758 0.03324 165 139 23 3
1877 I've tried quakes, floods just can't get rid of this infestation. 1.1758 0.03643 165 142 17 6
1878 Bye, Bye. 1.1758 0.03540 165 141 19 5
1879 I've got humans coming out my axis. 1.1757 0.03551 148 125 20 3
1880 The wall had zero posted warnings and all the King’s men were worthless. 1.1757 0.04036 148 129 12 7
1881 Make it a double, I’m dying. 1.1757 0.03419 148 124 22 2
1882 My ice keeps melting! Is this a man-made bar or what? 1.1757 0.03920 148 128 14 6
1883 If Trump calls, tell him I'm not here. 1.1757 0.03920 148 128 14 6
1884 It's all Mars, Mars, Mars -- no one cares about old Earth anymore! 1.1756 0.03979 131 112 15 4
1885 Day after day I revolve around others - but what do *I* want? 1.1756 0.03829 131 111 17 3
1886 So she told me, “The world doesn’t revolve around you!” 1.1756 0.03979 131 112 15 4
1887 Do you have decaffeinated dark matter? 1.1754 0.03356 171 145 22 4
1888 So Doc, I says, I really don't think these heat-flashes are menopause related. 1.1753 0.03584 154 131 19 4
1889 I have billions of these things on me, they itch, and I feel hot. 1.1753 0.03701 154 132 17 5
1890 Seriously?!? You've never even heard of 'ice'? 1.1753 0.03584 154 131 19 4
1891 A bartender, a rotating globe... it's just a job, not who we are! 1.1752 0.04383 137 121 8 8
1892 I drink because of childhood trauma. Let's just say he had the whole world in his hands. 1.1752 0.03862 137 117 16 4
1893 I could use one more but I already came in spinning. 1.1750 0.03496 160 136 20 4
1894 Yeah, I know, I was the temperate one for a while there 1.1750 0.03714 160 138 16 6
1895 May I have more ice in my drink? Mine has already melted. 1.1750 0.03496 160 136 20 4
1896 Please, I just want something cold and refreshing… 1.1750 0.04374 120 104 11 5
1897 And my axis, don't even get me started on my axis. 1.1748 0.04009 143 124 13 6
1898 If Musk gets his way, I'll be out of work sooner than everyone thinks. 1.1748 0.03884 143 123 15 5
1899 And just who do you think is carrying the 'cares of the world' on their shoulders? Jim Beam. That's who. 1.1748 0.04130 143 125 11 7
1900 My satellite doesn't understand me. 1.1748 0.03755 143 122 17 4
1901 This is my last one. My head is spinning. 1.1748 0.03338 143 119 23 1
1902 Don't I know you from sedimentary school? 1.1748 0.03884 143 123 15 5
1903 Since you don't have bar stools, let me also buy a drink for the poor slob I'm sitting on, who's got the weight of the world on his shoulders. 1.1747 0.03818 166 145 13 8
1904 I want another hot toddy 1.1747 0.03415 166 141 21 4
1905 Would a double on the rocks improve my spin on global warming? 1.1747 0.03415 166 141 21 4
1906 The source of all of life as we know it and all I get is one lousy day in April. 1.1747 0.03306 166 140 23 3
1907 All my ice melted. Gimme another double, all rocks. 1.1747 0.03520 166 142 19 5
1908 I'm a hot mess . . . either dehydrated or retaining water. 1.1746 0.04075 126 108 14 4
1909 I remember when they came down from the trees like it was yesterday. 1.1746 0.04075 126 108 14 4
1910 I'm in a me of trouble. 1.1746 0.03751 126 106 18 2
1911 Hot flashes? Brother, I’m dealing with global warming. 1.1746 0.04075 126 108 14 4
1912 Help me out buddy — where in me is Carmen Sandiego? 1.1746 0.04519 126 111 8 7
1913 I've got the weight of me on me. 1.1745 0.03529 149 126 20 3
1914 Until recently, I did not believe there was a hell 1.1745 0.03398 149 125 22 2
1915 And so I said to her, "No, I don't think everything revolves around me." 1.1745 0.03895 149 129 14 6
1916 Just a cold one please, 1.1744 0.03017 172 143 28 1
1917 I just flew around the sun and boy are my arms tired. 1.1742 0.03951 132 113 15 4
1918 I'm not sure "Don't sweat it" is the best advice you could give me. 1.1742 0.03802 132 112 17 3
1919 Not only that, there's no damned handbasket! 1.1742 0.03951 132 113 15 4
1920 You try being dropped by a Titan. 1.1742 0.04234 132 115 11 6
1921 Make it a double Sam! 1.1742 0.03951 132 113 15 4
1922 I'm feeling the weight of the world. 1.1742 0.04368 132 116 9 7
1923 I feel like I've got the weight of me on my shoulders. 1.1742 0.04095 132 114 13 5
1924 So, a star walks into a bar... 1.1742 0.03563 155 132 19 4
1925 Where do you want me to start? 1.1739 0.04473 138 123 6 9
1926 My head is still spinning 1.1739 0.03245 161 135 24 2
1927 Give me a double, I don't expect to be around much longer. 1.1739 0.03972 138 119 14 5
1928 "All my homo sapiens have gone out of their ever-loving minds. 1.1739 0.03476 161 137 20 4
1929 You have to let me in; they're trying to kill me out there 1.1739 0.03972 138 119 14 5
1930 So then she calls me an oddball. 1.1736 0.04103 144 126 11 7
1931 I just don’t know where the time goes. It’s as if I turn around and another day has gone by. 1.1736 0.03731 144 123 17 4
1932 Sure, Venus is lovely, but don't get me started about Mars. 1.1736 0.03859 144 124 15 5
1933 Sometimes I just feel like I’m in someone else’s shadow. 1.1736 0.03983 144 125 13 6
1934 Can I have some ice please? 1.1736 0.03859 144 124 15 5
1935 Everything was going great for 4 billion years, then the monkeys started using fire, and the next thing you know, they're messing with my climate!! 1.1736 0.04496 121 106 9 6
1936 Yes, believe it or. It, I can have a few bad turns now and then! 1.1736 0.04340 121 105 11 5
1937 Is it getting hot in here or is it just me? 1.1733 0.03754 150 129 16 5
1938 Climate change has driven me to drink! 1.1733 0.03507 150 127 20 3
1939 I'm feeling a little warm -- you sure this stuff's environmentally friendly? 1.1732 0.04045 127 109 14 4
1940 See you on the dark side of the moon. Cheers! 1.1732 0.04045 127 109 14 4
1941 Ever since I realized Lin-Manuel Miranda lives on me,it's sent me into an alcohol fueled depression. I also never really fully processed 9/11. 1.1732 0.04045 127 109 14 4
1942 Can i get the next one on the rocks? 1.1731 0.03656 156 134 17 5
1943 Mars told me I'm looking more like him every solar year. 1.1729 0.03923 133 114 15 4
1944 Gimme another water. I'm burnin' up." 1.1729 0.03775 133 113 17 3
1945 Are you too warm, or is it just me? 1.1729 0.03923 133 114 15 4
1946 I’ll have another fire and rain! 1.1729 0.04337 133 117 9 7
1947 Do you know any mature adults who are looking for a lonely planet? 1.1729 0.04337 133 117 9 7
1948 Why would anyone want to go to Mars? 1.1729 0.03923 133 114 15 4
1949 You’d drink too if you were me! 1.1728 0.03566 162 139 18 5
1950 Everyone calls me Mother Earth, but I’ve transitioned. 1.1728 0.03775 162 141 14 7
1951 I'm feeling kind of warm- may a have some ice? 1.1728 0.03672 162 140 16 6
1952 Extra ice, please... 1.1727 0.03811 139 119 16 4
1953 Just like everyone else: no one will listen. 1.1727 0.04201 139 122 10 7
1954 You think your life is boring, I spend the whole day going round and round. 1.1727 0.03811 139 119 16 4
1955 NO! That's the thing. I'm just a randomly colored sphere with a drinking problem. 1.1727 0.03945 139 120 14 5
1956 I'm telling ya, it was so hot in my house, I didn't catch a wink of sleep in July. 1.1727 0.03811 139 119 16 4
1957 Thanks for the drink. I was running dry. 1.1727 0.04075 139 121 12 6
1958 Do you see trees of green, red roses too? Well, I don't! 1.1727 0.03945 139 120 14 5
1959 Climate change? I think I've got Covid. 1.1727 0.03811 139 119 16 4
1960 Yeah, yeah, I look like earth. Lotta good that does me! 1.1727 0.03945 139 120 14 5
1961 My universe doesn't understand me! 1.1727 0.03945 139 120 14 5
1962 Another year and I'm right back where I started. 1.1727 0.04075 139 121 12 6
1963 One day you're the world to everyone, the next they anthropomorphize you into something comical! 1.1727 0.03671 139 118 18 3
1964 'It just seems like every time I turn around it's a new day!' 1.1726 0.03481 168 144 19 5
1965 More ice - quickly 1.1724 0.03296 145 121 23 1
1966 Lately, I do feel flat... 1.1724 0.04626 116 102 8 6
1967 Gorbachev had it easy. 1.1724 0.03707 145 124 17 4
1968 Hey, bartender, I'm dyin over here. 1.1724 0.04112 116 99 14 3
1969 Wiki defines me as a 'washed up cliché'!" 1.1724 0.03957 145 126 13 6
1970 I'm really not on anyone's back ! 1.1724 0.04076 145 127 11 7
1971 So then these punks start calling me 'flat.' Do I look flat to you? 1.1724 0.03575 145 123 19 3
1972 Another Round, please. This one’s gone Flat. 1.1724 0.03575 145 123 19 3
1973 More water, please. I have a notion that my oceans are drying up. 1.1722 0.03731 151 130 16 5
1974 She used to think the world of me. 1.1722 0.03960 151 132 12 7
1975 I tell ya, sometimes I feel the weight of me is on my shoulders 1.1722 0.03960 151 132 12 7
1976 I gave Atlas my key -- has he been in here lately? 1.1722 0.03731 151 130 16 5
1977 I just feel like I am being pulled in all different directions. 1.1722 0.04177 151 134 8 9
1978 I gotta tell you, it makes my head spin 1.1722 0.03960 151 132 12 7
1979 And at the end of the day that's all I am. A pale blue dot. 1.1721 0.04462 122 107 9 6
1980 They tell me “Hang on Humpty Dumpty” 1.1721 0.04147 122 105 13 4
1981 If the Sun calls, tell her I'm not here. 1.1721 0.04307 122 106 11 5
1982 They're killing me Joe! 1.1720 0.03853 157 137 13 7
1983 Could I get some ice for my drink? I'm running out. 1.1720 0.03280 157 132 23 2
1984 Did this drink have any plastics in it? I'm allergic to plastic! 1.1720 0.03745 157 136 15 6
1985 What on earth are we going to do? 1.1719 0.03860 128 109 16 3
1986 I’m seeing stars 1.1719 0.03697 128 108 18 2
1987 They say the earth's getting hotter, so why am I still single? 1.1719 0.03697 128 108 18 2
1988 I don't need a change of climate. 1.1718 0.03437 163 139 20 4
1989 Can you please play some Eartha? 1.1718 0.03437 163 139 20 4
1990 How about a glass of ice? 1.1718 0.03545 163 140 18 5
1991 And then it turns out that carbon dioxide is actually good for you! 1.1718 0.03437 163 139 20 4
1992 Pardon me, I'm hot and really need to Crack A Cold One. 1.1718 0.03545 163 140 18 5
1993 This climate change stuff is driving me to drink! 1.1718 0.03209 163 137 24 2
1994 What about me? When is it going to be MY turn to go into retrograde?" 1.1716 0.04037 134 116 13 5
1995 Look pal, if a big gray rock comes in asking about me, you never saw me. 1.1716 0.04174 134 117 11 6
1996 An ocean of your best chardonnay, Joe! 1.1716 0.04174 134 117 11 6
1997 So I says, ‘Sorry Pluto, we can’t date. You’re not even a planet.’ 1.1716 0.04174 134 117 11 6
1998 I swear its water! 1.1714 0.03479 175 151 18 6
1999 I feel like my head's spinning. 1.1714 0.03503 140 118 20 2
2000 I'm in a world of hurt. 1.1714 0.03785 140 120 16 4
2001 You know how it goes: everybody celebrates Earth DAY, but at night, I'm on my own. 1.1714 0.03919 140 121 14 5
2002 Don't be so stingy. I'm not asking you to serve everyone on the planet. 1.1714 0.04173 140 123 10 7
2003 People keep talking about my glow up but honestly I haven't been feeling that hot about myself lately. 1.1714 0.03919 140 121 14 5
2004 I need more than a drink. 1.1712 0.03417 146 123 21 2
2005 What’s in this drink? My head is spinning.” 1.1712 0.04050 146 128 11 7
2006 I complain about my hot flashes and I'm told they're not real. I just want to be heard, y'know? 1.1712 0.03809 146 126 15 5
2007 A triple water, please. And keep ‘em coming! 1.1712 0.03683 146 125 17 4
2008 I think that the Moon stood me up again" 1.1712 0.03683 146 125 17 4
2009 I'm afraid it was just another abusive relationship. 1.1712 0.04050 146 128 11 7
2010 Though I am crawling with them, I assure you they are not ants!” 1.1711 0.03708 152 131 16 5
2011 Can I have some more ice? I'm really burning up! 1.1711 0.03337 152 128 22 2
2012 I haven’t missed a day in 4.5 billion years and yet it feels like no one there even cares about me!” 1.1709 0.04079 117 100 14 3
2013 I don't know why Mars is so desirable, do you? 1.1709 0.03723 158 137 15 6
2014 A big serving of whirled peas, please. 1.1707 0.03525 164 141 18 5
2015 Can I get a bunch of ice? 1.1707 0.04115 123 106 13 4
2016 Nothing personal, but of all my parasites your kind is the worst.” 1.1707 0.04274 123 107 11 5
2017 May I have some ice? I think I’m going through climate change! 1.1707 0.03525 164 141 18 5
2018 No one seems to care about me. 1.1706 0.03443 170 146 19 5
2019 Neat please! I’m done with shaken, stirred and on the rocks. 1.1706 0.03639 170 148 15 7
2020 Sometimes I just wish an asteroid would come along and put me out of my misery! 1.1705 0.04280 129 113 10 6
2021 Do you know what's like when they say 'the whole world is watching?' 1.1705 0.03832 129 110 16 3
2022 Joe, don't they realize life on Earth itches? 1.1705 0.04136 129 112 12 5
2023 Can you believe this, I gave her the world and she ends up with Uranus. 1.1705 0.04280 129 113 10 6
2024 This heat is a killer. Make it another cold one. 1.1705 0.03987 129 111 14 4
2025 They say that love makes the world go round. But believe me, Joe, it's alcohol. 1.1705 0.04280 129 113 10 6
2026 When I was kid I was 3/4 water. 1.1704 0.04276 135 119 9 7
2027 Hit me! Everybody else is doing it. 1.1704 0.04145 135 118 11 6
2028 If I hear one more time-What on Earth are you doing here! 1.1704 0.03724 135 115 17 3
2029 Sorry there is no more ice left for you to cool you down. 1.1704 0.03724 135 115 17 3
2030 These climate deniers are driving me to drink. 1.1704 0.03869 135 116 15 4
2031 Can I get a seat on that mission to Mars? 1.1704 0.03724 135 115 17 3
2032 My biggest problem is that I'm bipolar. 1.1704 0.04009 135 117 13 5
2033 Have you seen a little hottie called Venus - she's so high? 1.1704 0.04009 135 117 13 5
2034 Sir, my ice melted. 1.1704 0.03572 135 114 19 2
2035 I lost my ring Bob, Saturn's gonna kill me! 1.1702 0.03760 141 121 16 4
2036 I'm seriously thinking of ending it all... 1.1702 0.03760 141 121 16 4
2037 Does it LOOK like I'm going to hell 1.1702 0.03893 141 122 14 5
2038 Check please. It's been a long day. 1.1702 0.03893 141 122 14 5
2039 The world is going to hell and nobody cares. What do I do now? 1.1702 0.03623 141 120 18 3
2040 A fire, a tornado, and a hurricane walk into a bar....ah, never mind." 1.1702 0.03893 141 122 14 5
2041 Man, I have mountains of problems. My governments have caused me floods of tears and horrible breaking winds, the tree-huggers are dirt poor, the oligarchs are using up my natural oils, and Russia will not behave no matter how many rocks I throw! 1.1701 0.03785 147 127 15 5
2042 Cut me off before I start spinning. 1.1701 0.03530 147 125 19 3
2043 Atlas needed to take the day off, his neck's in pretty bad shape. 1.1701 0.03906 147 128 13 6
2044 A/C not working today??? 1.1701 0.03660 147 126 17 4
2045 That was tough when he had the whole of me in his hands. 1.1701 0.03660 147 126 17 4
2046 ...so then I say to my Boss, "What's a Human?" 1.1701 0.03530 147 125 19 3
2047 What am I doing here? What am I doing here? Have you been reading the newspapers or watching CNN? 1.1699 0.03800 153 133 14 6
2048 I miss my friends the dinosaurs. 1.1699 0.03567 153 131 18 4
2049 Just water, thanks. I’m trying to flatten out. 1.1699 0.03567 153 131 18 4
2050 I have no idea how a cue ball gets an STD... 1.1698 0.03701 159 138 15 6
2051 …And yet I’m still dizzy, after spinning for ages! 1.1698 0.04126 106 90 14 2
2052 And then all my glaciers melted. 1.1698 0.03480 159 136 19 4
2053 Ho, boy, what I could tell you, you don't wanna know!" 1.1697 0.03173 165 139 24 2
2054 Sometimes I feel like no one cares! 1.1696 0.04373 112 97 11 4
2055 So I told him, “you can’t take him off the team! We need nine to play ball!” 1.1696 0.03523 171 148 17 6
2056 I think the planet deserves a good stiff drink 1.1696 0.03217 171 145 23 3
2057 Where's the ice? 1.1695 0.04390 118 103 10 5
2058 Goodbye cruel bar. 1.1695 0.03348 177 152 20 5
2059 Every day is a revolution. Want to join? 1.1695 0.04552 118 104 8 6
2060 I never wanted to get divorced, but Sunny thought my life should revolve around her! 1.1695 0.04390 118 103 10 5
2061 Stop calling me Patches. I have vitiligo. 1.1695 0.04222 118 102 12 4
2062 The other planets voted me designated drinker. 1.1694 0.04084 124 107 13 4
2063 No one understands me. I have needs too. 1.1694 0.04084 124 107 13 4
2064 It’s like they don’t even care. 1.1694 0.03570 124 104 19 1
2065 Did you hear the one about the earth walks into a bar ? 1.1694 0.03921 124 106 15 3
2066 I feel like my life just goes in circles. 1.1692 0.03958 130 112 14 4
2067 I’ve got the weight of some guy on my shoulders! 1.1692 0.03805 130 111 16 3
2068 Atlas dropped me when I was a child! 1.1692 0.04249 130 114 10 6
2069 I know they don't mean it, but 'the whole world just sucks' hurts. 1.1692 0.04106 130 113 12 5
2070 I said neat. Do I look like I need more water? 1.1692 0.03645 130 110 18 2
2071 It has been a rough year. Make it a double, please! 1.1692 0.04106 130 113 12 5
2072 Look at me...and they keep sayin' it's just a hoax! 1.1692 0.03958 130 112 14 4
2073 Wait, I ordered a Cosmos 1.1691 0.03843 136 117 15 4
2074 Hi, from the world. 1.1691 0.03843 136 117 15 4
2075 If you really wanted to save the planet, the next drink would be on the house. 1.1690 0.03867 142 123 14 5
2076 Can I get some ice, I’m boiling over here. 1.1690 0.03600 142 121 18 3
2077 I just caught 7 other planets circling my beloved sunshine! 1.1690 0.03600 142 121 18 3
2078 The wildfires were the final straw. 1.1690 0.03458 142 120 20 2
2079 But there’s still 90 seconds to midnight. 1.1690 0.03994 142 124 12 6
2080 Not shaken, not stirred. Just on the rocks, all night long! 1.1690 0.03600 142 121 18 3
2081 Is it getting warm in here -- or is it me? 1.1689 0.03637 148 127 17 4
2082 It’s your fault, you know. 1.1689 0.03761 148 128 15 5
2083 What do you mean? You only take bitcoin? 1.1689 0.03375 148 125 21 2
2084 And so I said, "do you think I'm hot". 1.1689 0.03508 148 126 19 3
2085 I just need the booze, I'm already mostly made of water. 1.1689 0.03761 148 128 15 5
2086 Half full? Half empty? Just top me off. 1.1689 0.03881 148 129 13 6
2087 It really burns me up the way they treat me! 1.1688 0.03545 154 132 18 4
2088 Even the ice in my drink melts. 1.1688 0.03545 154 132 18 4
2089 Oh man, you will not believe the day I have had. 1.1688 0.03663 154 133 16 5
2090 I ordered a DOUBLE Long Drink, Sir 1.1688 0.03297 154 130 22 2
2091 I’m parched, make it a double! 1.1687 0.03486 166 143 18 5
2092 Is this filtered?? 1.1687 0.03269 166 141 22 3
2093 Hot flashes, man—now I REALLY get it! 1.1681 0.04151 113 97 13 3
2094 You gotta believe me, Charlie. I'm flushed and winded, have tremors, and feel like I'm spinning out of control. 1.1681 0.03956 113 96 15 2
2095 Being the host of parasitic humans has nearly ruined me. That’s why I drink. 1.1681 0.03834 119 101 16 2
2096 I’m afraid I tell you, there trying to kill me 1.1680 0.04361 125 110 9 6
2097 Anything on the rocks and make it a double. 1.1680 0.04506 125 111 7 7
2098 And if Trump wins... 1.1679 0.03930 131 113 14 4
2099 Buddy, I've got a world of problems... 1.1679 0.04077 131 114 12 5
2100 Just bring me the bottle 1.1679 0.03930 131 113 14 4
2101 Is it true that single malt absorbs CO2? 1.1679 0.03930 131 113 14 4
2102 You think this is hot? You shoulda been here for the big bang. 1.1679 0.03930 131 113 14 4
2103 Believe me, I really don't know what went wrong 1.1679 0.03930 131 113 14 4
2104 Keep 'em coming, I'm two thirds water! 1.1679 0.03930 131 113 14 4
2105 And then she says, “Cool it! You’re getting too heated!” 1.1679 0.03930 131 113 14 4
2106 Make it a "triple" this time. I can't go back out there sober! 1.1679 0.03524 137 116 19 2
2107 It's hard to resist, when it's always 5:00 somewhere in the world. 1.1679 0.04088 137 120 11 6
2108 Problems? You bet. No one treats me with respect anymore. 1.1679 0.03673 137 117 17 3
2109 All these sectarian conflicts are wearing me out. What do you have for that? 1.1679 0.03524 137 116 19 2
2110 Do you have any peanuts? It’s been a long time since I’ve had anything complimentary. 1.1679 0.03673 137 117 17 3
2111 Can I get some more ice, I'm burning up over here. 1.1679 0.03816 137 118 15 4
2112 If I don't have a reason to DRINK no one does. Who do those radical, republican, science deniers think they are? 1.1679 0.03955 137 119 13 5
2113 Well, if I rotate the other way a little bit, then it won’t be closing time. So, just chill and let me finish my story. 1.1679 0.04088 137 120 11 6
2114 It’s not my fault things are changing for the worse for me. 1.1678 0.03842 143 124 14 5
2115 Troubles? Talk about troubles? I'm just warming up. 1.1678 0.03576 143 122 18 3
2116 I tell you, I'm dying, and too few give a shit! 1.1678 0.04090 143 126 10 7
2117 It's either a melanoma or plate tectonics. 1.1678 0.03712 143 123 16 4
2118 What in the world are you talking about? 1.1678 0.03436 143 121 20 2
2119 So I says to the guy, boy is it hot in here. 1.1678 0.03576 143 122 18 3
2120 Five years at this job and I'm still going around in circles. 1.1678 0.03857 149 130 13 6
2121 Better bring me the bottle. 1.1678 0.03354 149 126 21 2
2122 And then Luna tells me, “We just keep going round and round and never getting anywhere.” 1.1678 0.03738 149 129 15 5
2123 I'm burning up! Can I get some environmental protection with that side of ice please? 1.1677 0.03524 155 133 18 4
2124 A double scotch will fix the Panama Canal Nancy M. Frieden 2202 Kendal Way, Sleepy Hollosw, NY 10591 914 922 1843 1.1677 0.03641 155 134 16 5
2125 You don't want to know what I've been through. 1.1677 0.03277 155 131 22 2
2126 Everyone is always complaining about the weight of the world on their shoulders. But it's mostly water weight! 1.1677 0.03524 155 133 18 4
2127 It's all messed up, no matter what spin I put on it 1.1677 0.03403 155 132 20 3
2128 ...and now they expect me to return to the office as if nothing happened. 1.1677 0.03403 155 132 20 3
2129 When I'm the one that needs a drink, there's a problem. 1.1677 0.03658 161 140 15 6
2130 So…people think I’m cruel? 1.1677 0.03251 167 142 22 3
2131 Water? Please, anything but water." Curt Wyffels, Plymouth, M 1.1677 0.03360 167 143 20 4
2132 Okay, I'm the one who loaded up the jukebox with Air Supply. 1.1667 0.04117 114 98 13 3
2133 This heat is killing me.” 1.1667 0.03256 132 110 22 0
2134 Lately, they're all on thin ice. 1.1667 0.03902 132 114 14 4
2135 Why do people insist on talking about my weight? 1.1667 0.03928 138 120 13 5
2136 Then she sez 'you got cooties! Eight billion of them!' 1.1667 0.04060 138 121 11 6
2137 I just need an unexhaustable supply of cool, clear water. 1.1667 0.03530 162 140 17 5
2138 God, Nobody listens to me. 1.1667 0.03791 138 119 15 4
2139 Could you refill my ice? 1.1667 0.03791 138 119 15 4
2140 She knew the moon and I were attracted to each other way before we got married" 1.1667 0.03414 144 122 20 2
2141 Why am I the only one concerned with my fate? 1.1667 0.03465 150 128 19 3
2142 At our age, you’d think we wouldn’t be changing so much. 1.1667 0.03342 168 144 20 4
2143 I think the Earth is out of place 1.1667 0.03553 144 123 18 3
2144 Could I get some water? 1.1667 0.03751 132 113 16 3
2145 Nah, seriously! I'm in a whole world of hurt. or Don't look at me like that. My crisis is everybody's crisis! 1.1667 0.04188 138 122 9 7
2146 HELP ME FATHER 1.1667 0.03200 180 154 22 4
2147 I'm done with you guys! 1.1667 0.03447 168 145 18 5
2148 I'm sick and tired of heating up, make the next drink a double. 1.1667 0.03233 168 143 22 3
2149 More ice. Less water! 1.1667 0.03346 138 116 21 1
2150 Every time I complain, "It's so hot," some wiseass shouts "How hot is it?". I've run out of punchlines. 1.1667 0.03791 138 119 15 4
2151 And then Venus walked in. So hot and red. It was all over for me. 1.1667 0.04179 126 110 11 5
2152 I’m in a world of hurt, I tell ya, a world of hurt! 1.1667 0.03817 144 125 14 5
2153 My whole world is falling apart! 1.1667 0.04063 144 127 10 7
2154 Keep ‘em coming. I’m just warming up. 1.1667 0.03695 126 107 17 2
2155 I feel like like I'm not getting anywhere. Like I'm just going around in circles. 1.1667 0.03530 162 140 17 5
2156 The earth is drinking water because the water is eighty percent of the body 1.1667 0.03592 150 129 17 4
2157 it’s called a world wide, sake, schnapps, and bourbon 1.1667 0.03804 120 102 16 2
2158 I’m here to solve the problems of the world. 1.1667 0.04648 114 101 7 6
2159 Can you recommend a strong, pick-me-upper? 1.1667 0.03751 132 113 16 3
2160 Could I get some more ice? Mine’s melting. 1.1667 0.03833 150 131 13 6
2161 Thanks,Sam. Guess I'll be wobbling off now. 1.1667 0.03346 138 116 21 1
2162 It all started with Adam and Eve 1.1667 0.03102 180 153 24 3
2163 I have all the problems in the world 1.1667 0.03863 126 108 15 3
2164 Why so glum Charlie? People think the world of you. 1.1667 0.03188 162 137 23 2
2165 Thank you! You help me keep the peace. 1.1667 0.04188 132 116 10 6
2166 Whoa! This drink tastes likes it's 71% water. 1.1667 0.03503 156 134 18 4
2167 It hurts too much to laugh and I am too old to cry 1.1667 0.03928 138 120 13 5
2168 Is it me, or is it getting too hot in here? 1.1667 0.03902 132 114 14 4
2169 She said I looked hot…should I have asked for her number? 1.1667 0.03863 126 108 15 3
2170 Make it a double. No, triple. Oh, just give me the whole bottle. 1.1667 0.03503 156 134 18 4
2171 Excuse me. I ordered a hurricane. 1.1667 0.03503 156 134 18 4
2172 And now I'm "cancelled" because I flooded a couple islands down in the Carribean. Big deal! No one even knew they existed before! *heavy sigh* Sometimes I wish I could be sucked into a black hole. 1.1657 0.03529 169 147 16 6
2173 Just one more to warm up, please! 1.1656 0.03287 163 139 21 3
2174 Another ice water, please. And make it a triple shot. 1.1656 0.03597 157 136 16 5
2175 Did you say last call? 1.1656 0.03239 157 133 22 2
2176 I’ve been hearing voices. 1.1656 0.03482 157 135 18 4
2177 The earth wants to talk to the bartender 1.1656 0.03691 151 131 15 5
2178 Who is this 'Atlas' guy anyway? 1.1656 0.03177 151 127 23 1
2179 Thanks for listening, it means the world to me. 1.1656 0.03570 151 130 17 4
2180 Not only is this drink flat … 1.1656 0.03444 151 129 19 3
2181 I keep telling her I can't be her whole world. 1.1656 0.03691 151 131 15 5
2182 WTF?! 1.1655 0.03916 145 127 12 6
2183 Oh it's excruciating, but I've tried everything, and I can't get them off. 1.1655 0.03916 145 127 12 6
2184 Do you want to know about the problems of the world? 1.1655 0.03664 145 125 16 4
2185 When the world has had enough 1.1655 0.03664 145 125 16 4
2186 She ran off with some hot shot comet, she claims that I've changed. 1 degree, Hank, I changed 1 degree! 1.1655 0.03792 145 126 14 5
2187 It seems like this is the only place anyone will listen to Me anymore! Gimme another 1.1655 0.03531 145 124 18 3
2188 Yes,ice again please. 1.1655 0.03392 145 123 20 2
2189 Seriously, that’s all I get? You do know your entire existence depends on me…right? 1.1655 0.03664 145 125 16 4
2190 Let me tell you what’ s wrong with me 1.1655 0.03624 139 119 17 3
2191 Ok ok ok let me tell you about Mars: man, I mean...fuck Mars. 1.1655 0.04160 139 123 9 7
2192 Please make the next one 'on the rocks.' 1.1655 0.03477 139 118 19 2
2193 I have needs, Man. 1.1655 0.03477 139 118 19 2
2194 This is going to end in disaster. 1.1655 0.04033 139 122 11 6
2195 Bubbles alone are fine, it’s the carbonation I can do without. 1.1655 0.03624 139 119 17 3
2196 WHO just fired me. 1.1655 0.03477 139 118 19 2
2197 I've been a globalist forever but why are people upset about it now? 1.1654 0.04019 133 116 12 5
2198 Can you open a few windows? 1.1654 0.03875 133 115 14 4
2199 Joe, what's in this drink? I feel like I'm spinning. 1.1654 0.04019 133 116 12 5
2200 I won't be here for long, so make the next one a double. 1.1654 0.04159 133 117 10 6
2201 Is it just me or are you feeling warmer too? 1.1654 0.03725 133 114 16 3
2202 Why do you hate me? 1.1654 0.03569 133 113 18 2
2203 Thanks for the clear clean water. I really needed it.” 1.1654 0.04296 127 112 9 6
2204 I’m still struggling with my ‘flat’ complex. 1.1654 0.04148 127 111 11 5
2205 Everything just seems to run hot and cold lately. 1.1654 0.03994 127 110 13 4
2206 Anything on ice; Hold the Anything. 1.1653 0.03953 121 104 14 3
2207 She said I was her whole world. 1.1653 0.04124 121 105 12 4
2208 So this one dog says “I made the moon disappear, top that!” Next thing I know I’m sitting here. 1.1653 0.04445 121 107 8 6
2209 And don't even get me started on the hot flashes! 1.1653 0.04124 121 105 12 4
2210 ...and then I found out the Moon is seeing other planets. 1.1652 0.04266 115 100 11 4
2211 I'm a walking example of what the world will look like if we don't do something about climate change. 1.1652 0.03892 115 98 15 2
2212 I just lost my mother 1.1646 0.03031 164 138 25 1
2213 How many millennia do I have to put up with this shitty climate?" 1.1646 0.03490 164 142 17 5
2214 I need a cold one. Temperatures have been out of control! 1.1646 0.03268 164 140 21 3
2215 Nobody cares. 1.1646 0.03220 158 134 22 2
2216 I’ve seen the dark side of the moon. 1.1646 0.03795 158 139 12 7
2217 And then he says, "You've got carbon up the kazoo," as if it's MY fault! 1.1646 0.03576 158 137 16 5
2218 Atlas shrugged and now I'm going to pieces. 1.1645 0.03668 152 132 15 5
2219 I'll have a Corpse Reviver No. 2, please 1.1645 0.03548 152 131 17 4
2220 when the world waves good-bye to you. 1.1645 0.03785 152 133 13 6
2221 So set'em up,Joe,I have a little story I think you should know. 1.1645 0.03423 152 130 19 3
2222 Earth: “Bourbon on the rocks” Bartender: “We are out of ice” Earth: “Same” 1.1645 0.03548 152 131 17 4
2223 YOU FORGOT THE ICE! 1.1644 0.03640 146 126 16 4
2224 See you later Joe, my whole body is spinning. 1.1644 0.03768 146 127 14 5
2225 Is it pumpkin spice season yet? 1.1644 0.03768 146 127 14 5
2226 What's the world coming to? Joe's bar as you can see 1.1644 0.04011 146 129 10 7
2227 No more for me, I’m trying to watch my equator. 1.1644 0.03508 146 125 18 3
2228 Seriously men! I have fleas … Look! Look! … they walk all over! 1.1644 0.03508 146 125 18 3
2229 Ya know,some days I feel like I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders. 1.1644 0.03640 146 126 16 4
2230 Yo, can you turn on the air conditioning please? 1.1643 0.04005 140 123 11 6
2231 Excuse me can I use the bathroom? I have diarrhea. 1.1643 0.04132 140 124 9 7
2232 Yeah, don't even get me started on the Moon! 1.1643 0.03875 140 122 13 5
2233 What do you mean your ice machine is broken?! 1.1643 0.04005 140 123 11 6
2234 Remember me, Earth 1.1643 0.03740 140 121 15 4
2235 Am I looking a little round to you? 1.1643 0.03600 140 120 17 3
2236 Can you point me somewhere that isn’t Last Chance Saloon? 1.1643 0.03600 140 120 17 3
2237 No respect. I tell ya Mack I get no respect at all. 1.1642 0.03991 134 117 12 5
2238 No, she didn’t leave me for another planet. She left me for a ‘dwarf’ planet! 1.1642 0.03848 134 116 14 4
2239 I can’t wait to fall back. 1.1642 0.03991 134 117 12 5
2240 Fill my glass up from my Mississippi. 1.1642 0.03544 134 114 18 2
2241 I'm drinking what?! 1.1642 0.03544 134 114 18 2
2242 Wind was here? And Fire?! 1.1642 0.03848 134 116 14 4
2243 It really was out of this world. 1.1642 0.03699 134 115 16 3
2244 You'll tell when I've had enough, right? 1.1642 0.04263 134 119 8 7
2245 …and the wildfires! Oh boy, if the floods weren’t bad enough!” 1.1642 0.03991 134 117 12 5
2246 I tell ya I'm feeling seismic changes in my personality! 1.1642 0.03848 134 116 14 4
2247 The world does not revolve around you, Sam. 1.1642 0.03544 134 114 18 2
2248 Men from Mars, women from Venus, and I keep getting caught between them. 1.1641 0.04117 128 112 11 5
2249 Am I all there is? 1.1641 0.03965 128 111 13 4
2250 It's no use: I can't hold my water. 1.1641 0.03965 128 111 13 4
2251 I tell you, first they suck you dry, then they pump you full of gas and light a match…what are you gonna do? 1.1639 0.04092 122 106 12 4
2252 Can I have some ice caps? 1.1639 0.04092 122 106 12 4
2253 It's not like I never had problems, but man, in the past few years, it has been one crisis after another. 1.1639 0.04411 122 108 8 6
2254 Have any ice? Mine is melting. 1.1636 0.03250 165 141 21 3
2255 Do you have anything for an infestation of bipeds? 1.1636 0.04190 110 95 12 3
2256 Is this place hot, or is it just me? 1.1635 0.03323 159 136 20 3
2257 Do you know what it's like to have the weight of the world on your shoulders? 1.1635 0.03441 159 137 18 4
2258 I should never have given up drinking! 1.1634 0.03139 153 129 23 1
2259 More ice, please. I'm dying here. 1.1633 0.03617 147 127 16 4
2260 I lost a bet. 1.1633 0.03350 147 125 20 2
2261 They're still discussing 1.1633 0.03617 147 127 16 4
2262 I need a cold one! 1.1633 0.03486 147 126 18 3
2263 And another, bartender. Blue planet got the blues. 1.1633 0.03744 147 128 14 5
2264 Ice? Can't remember the last time I had ice! 1.1631 0.03432 141 120 19 2
2265 It's so hard! At my core I'm an introvert. 1.1631 0.03715 141 122 15 4
2266 Make it a double. I'm just warming up. 1.1631 0.03849 141 123 13 5
2267 I need a bit more than an ice cold sex on the beach! 1.1631 0.03849 141 123 13 5
2268 Sometimes it feels like I'm carrying the world on my shoulders. 1.1630 0.03674 135 116 16 3
2269 My lifeforms don't understand me. 1.1630 0.04100 135 119 10 6
2270 Whaddaya mean there’s no ice? 1.1630 0.03963 135 118 12 5
2271 Can I have some ice? 1.1630 0.03520 135 115 18 2
2272 I'll take anything without carbonation. 1.1630 0.03821 135 117 14 4
2273 On the rocks,and quick - before that narcissist Sun gets here. 1.1630 0.03674 135 116 16 3
2274 And what does he do? He just SHRUGS! 1.1630 0.03520 135 115 18 2
2275 They’re trying to leave me for Mars 1.1630 0.03963 135 118 12 5
2276 Covid, el nino, fires, floods, quakes, hurricanes, heat waves - and you wonder what am I coming too? 1.1630 0.03821 135 117 14 4
2277 Four and a half billion years old, and now I get hot flashes?! 1.1630 0.03963 135 118 12 5
2278 Have you seen a guy called Atlas lately? 1.1630 0.03963 135 118 12 5
2279 On second thought, make it on the rocks. 1.1628 0.03936 129 112 13 4
2280 Can you recommend a suitable iced cocktail that will cool me down? 1.1628 0.04087 129 113 11 5
2281 Atlas shrugged. Need I say more? 1.1628 0.03615 129 110 17 2
2282 And it feels like I'm on fire, you know, but nobody's listening. 1.1628 0.03779 129 111 15 3
2283 If Pluto can lose his job, it can happen to any of us! 1.1628 0.04087 129 113 11 5
2284 can you lend a hand... 1.1628 0.03615 129 110 17 2
2285 A little ice? 1.1626 0.04061 123 107 12 4
2286 I’m dying anyway. Give me a double! 1.1626 0.04061 123 107 12 4
2287 Bartender. Could you turn off the AC, it's killing me! 1.1626 0.04527 123 110 6 7
2288 How's about some ice in it; I'm feeling warmer lately. 1.1625 0.03421 160 138 18 4
2289 I've been talking about UFO's for centuries! 1.1625 0.03644 160 140 14 6
2290 No one respects me anymore. It is like I'm not even here. 1.1624 0.04018 117 101 13 3
2291 Oh no! I think my South Pole is leaking. 1.1624 0.03633 117 99 17 1
2292 What I really need now is love sweet love. 1.1623 0.03381 154 132 19 3
2293 Oy, am I schvitzing over here... 1.1622 0.03720 148 129 14 5
2294 Sunrise...sunset".. 1.1622 0.03329 148 126 20 2
2295 Thanks for the quencher. It's just too hot out there. 1.1622 0.03959 148 131 10 7
2296 Why do I need water? I’m mostly water 1.1622 0.03024 185 158 24 3
2297 They keep telling me to chill out! 1.1622 0.03188 148 125 22 1
2298 You know, no one ever says ‘Big world!’” 1.1622 0.03594 148 128 16 4
2299 I haven't any drinkable water left. Where do you get yours? 1.1622 0.03594 148 128 16 4
2300 I just wanna cool down a bit. 1.1620 0.03952 142 125 11 6
2301 What's on the menu for World Order? 1.1620 0.03553 142 122 17 3
2302 Thanks using a glass. I’m sick of water bottles. 1.1620 0.03553 142 122 17 3
2303 I don't know how much more of this climate change I can handle. 1.1620 0.03824 142 124 13 5
2304 It's like all the good single ladies have disappeared into a black hole! 1.1620 0.03691 142 123 15 4
2305 By the time I leave, I want to be mostly scotch and water. 1.1620 0.03691 142 123 15 4
2306 Is it just me, or is it hot in here? _______________________________ ~ Ellen Zaslow, Sausalito, CA 1.1620 0.03553 142 122 17 3
2307 I come here for the grasshoppers because they're still green. 1.1620 0.03409 142 121 19 2
2308 If I tell you something Atlas, promise not to shrug again? 1.1620 0.03553 142 122 17 3
2309 My axis of evil is acting up again. 1.1619 0.04514 105 92 9 4
2310 And then I find out she's had a thing with all ALL the inner planets. 1.1618 0.03936 136 119 12 5
2311 It's hard being Earth. 1.1618 0.03496 136 116 18 2
2312 It's getting so bad here, I am thinking of changing orbits 1.1618 0.03795 136 118 14 4
2313 I'm just trying to cool off 1.1618 0.03795 136 118 14 4
2314 I'll have another Climate Change, with very little ice. 1.1618 0.03795 136 118 14 4
2315 On the rocks, please. I need to cool off. 1.1618 0.03795 136 118 14 4
2316 Im going through the change, hot flashes and all. 1.1618 0.04072 136 120 10 6
2317 Oh, come on! Do I look flat to you? I wish. 1.1618 0.03795 136 118 14 4
2318 The universe has it out for me. 1.1618 0.03496 136 116 18 2
2319 Easy for you to say. You aren't stuck with Darwin's theory of evolution. 1.1618 0.03649 136 117 16 3
2320 Yeah,I know…I look like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders. 1.1618 0.03936 136 119 12 5
2321 My sense of humor is too polarized for relevant social commentary. 1.1615 0.03752 130 112 15 3
2322 I’ll take your specialty, around the world cocktail! 1.1615 0.03419 130 110 19 1
2323 This drink is watered down. Trust me, I'd know. 1.1615 0.04057 130 114 11 5
2324 Sorry, my bad... Volcanoes. 1.1615 0.03752 130 112 15 3
2325 Is it just me or does anyone else think it's getting hot? 1.1615 0.03752 130 112 15 3
2326 I'm not feeling well. 1.1615 0.03752 130 112 15 3
2327 With things as they are, I'm pretty sure I don't want to have children. 1.1615 0.03908 130 113 13 4
2328 She was getting thinner and thinner and then one night she just up and disappears 1.1615 0.03752 130 112 15 3
2329 It’s like, this bar is the only place my head isn’t spinning, you know!? 1.1615 0.03401 161 139 18 4
2330 Can I get a refill? I'm burning up over here. 1.1615 0.03285 161 138 20 3
2331 ...Really, I'm just tired of being orbited! They keep pulling on my tides like I wont notice... 1.1613 0.03102 155 131 23 1
2332 I just worry that if there were an "Earth 2", I'd probably be the last to know about it. 1.1613 0.04030 124 108 12 4
2333 I've got a whole world of problems, but who would listen...? 1.1613 0.03864 124 107 14 3
2334 All I said was, “Let’s eat, Uranus!” 1.1613 0.03864 124 107 14 3
2335 I just need a little something to cool me down. 1.1613 0.03361 155 133 19 3
2336 Heard the one about the climate denialist and the flat-earther who walked into a bar together? 1.1613 0.04030 124 108 12 4
2337 People make me sick! 1.1613 0.04190 124 109 10 5
2338 If I was flat, it would all be different! 1.1613 0.04190 124 109 10 5
2339 She told me I was 'hot', and like an idiot I took it the wrong way. 1.1613 0.04030 124 108 12 4
2340 Can I get a Hurricane chaser? 1.1611 0.03572 149 129 16 4
2341 Is it just me, or is the whole world spinning? 1.1611 0.03934 149 132 10 7
2342 I tell ya buddy, it sure is a small world after-all. 1.1611 0.03572 149 129 16 4
2343 I’ve got the weight of my shoulders on my shoulders. 1.1611 0.03572 149 129 16 4
2344 Hey since it looks like nobody is going to show up and save me could I at least get another vodka tonic on the house? 1.1611 0.03572 149 129 16 4
2345 Is it me, or is it getting hotter in here? 1.1610 0.04164 118 103 11 4
2346 It's not like I want to spew lava and spawn tornadoes, earthquakes, and hurricanes, but you people are killing me 1.1610 0.04335 118 104 9 5
2347 Can you blame me? 1.1608 0.03667 143 124 15 4
2348 It’s no fun being a stage when these are the men and women as players I’m dealing with. 1.1608 0.03530 143 123 17 3
2349 C’mon man! This glass of water won’t fix it! Al tried to warn you 17 years ago….it’s not the heat, it’s the blanket of gases you have thrown on me and I’m HOT! 1.1608 0.03667 143 124 15 4
2350 I may be 71 percent water, but tonight I'm shooting for 10 percent tequila. 1.1608 0.03799 143 125 13 5
2351 OMG,the whole World has gone crazy 1.1608 0.03387 143 122 19 2
2352 Oh sure, now it's all the rage to protect the planet. 1.1608 0.03667 143 124 15 4
2353 You think old age has been cruel to you? 1.1608 0.03799 143 125 13 5
2354 Water, water everywhere but not a drop to drink 1.1607 0.03306 168 145 19 4
2355 I'm running a little temperature, but mostly I worry about becoming incontinent. 1.1607 0.03920 112 96 14 2
2356 I could really use some more ice. 1.1606 0.03624 137 118 16 3
2357 Is it getting hotter in here? 1.1606 0.03473 137 117 18 2
2358 I’ve never felt so down to earth 1.1606 0.03769 137 119 14 4
2359 No more ice, ever?! 1.1606 0.03624 137 118 16 3
2360 give me something to forget about my pain 1.1605 0.03382 162 140 18 4
2361 Get off me! No means no! 1.1605 0.03022 162 137 24 1
2362 Fired for harassment, after calling me flat for years! 1.1605 0.03493 162 141 16 5
2363 The Climate Committee says I've changed. 1.1603 0.03725 131 113 15 3
2364 Another glass of seawater, please. With extra ice cubes! 1.1603 0.04028 131 115 11 5
2365 Humans are not what the earth needs right now. 1.1603 0.04171 131 116 9 6
2366 Would you mind pouring this in a glass? I've had enough plastic to last me a millennium. 1.1603 0.03725 131 113 15 3
2367 You don't have any hand baskets back there, do you? 1.1603 0.03725 131 113 15 3
2368 I'm starting to think it's more serious than just a fever. 1.1603 0.03725 131 113 15 3
2369 My life doesn't love me. 1.1603 0.03694 156 137 13 6
2370 I’ve got the spins. 1.1603 0.03341 156 134 19 3
2371 I've been aching for over a year in my Russian area. 1.1600 0.03550 150 130 16 4
2372 You think you have problems? I got a world of problems! 1.1600 0.03421 150 129 18 3
2373 Yeah, I remember Atlas. The bastard shrugged! 1.1600 0.04000 125 109 12 4
2374 My twin--oh, Venus! We're on the same orbit but how come we're not able to hang out? 1.1600 0.03835 125 108 14 3
2375 Could you spare some more ice? 1.1600 0.04000 125 109 12 4
2376 And then he said I “wasn’t” at the center of the galaxy, the nerve! 1.1600 0.03835 125 108 14 3
2377 Is this purified water? 1.1600 0.03835 125 108 14 3
2378 People are leaving me to live on Mars. What a bummer. 1.1600 0.03003 150 126 24 0
2379 One minute it's chills, then shakes, then fever. And boy have I been windy lately. 1.1597 0.03643 144 125 15 4
2380 If you were warming as fast as I am, you’d be thirsty too 1.1597 0.03366 144 123 19 2
2381 It all started in the Mesozoic era... 1.1597 0.03366 144 123 19 2
2382 Do you have anything without CO2, please? I’m getting a bit warm. 1.1597 0.03218 144 122 21 1
2383 Because my mother told me I was the center of the universe! 1.1597 0.03507 144 124 17 3
2384 I’m a mess …! 1.1597 0.03774 144 126 13 5
2385 This weather, huh? 1.1597 0.03771 119 102 15 2
2386 Make it a double. I' ve got a splitting continent. 1.1597 0.04300 119 105 9 5
2387 I mean . . . what would YOU do? 1.1594 0.03599 138 119 16 3
2388 I'm telling you Joe, I get no RESPECT! 1.1594 0.03882 138 121 12 5
2389 New World Order ing 1.1594 0.03599 138 119 16 3
2390 So I said to me ex, you try living with the weight of the world on your shoulders! 1.1594 0.03882 138 121 12 5
2391 The worst thing is they itch like crazy 1.1592 0.03321 157 135 19 3
2392 Could I get an extra ice cube? 1.1592 0.03321 157 135 19 3
2393 Give me a double. I got a global species of hairless apes causing an entirely avoidable mass extinction and I need to take the edge off. 1.1591 0.03852 132 115 13 4
2394 One more ‘continental drift ‘ please. 1.1591 0.03372 132 112 19 1
2395 No more for me, my head is already spinning. 1.1591 0.03539 132 113 17 2
2396 Hey. Can a fella get something to help him cool off around here? 1.1591 0.03852 132 115 13 4
2397 I’m gonna need more water in a few decades. 1.1591 0.03539 132 113 17 2
2398 Please don't say, "Hot enough for ya?" 1.1591 0.03699 132 114 15 3
2399 The hair? Yeah. Nothing you can do. I got ice like that. 1.1591 0.03852 132 115 13 4
2400 Did you hear the one about the iceburg? 1.1591 0.02991 176 150 24 2
2401 Say,you wouldn 1.1591 0.03852 132 115 13 4
2402 I swear, I don't feel overheated. 1.1589 0.03268 151 129 20 2
2403 The doctor said I need to get rid of the paracites. 1.1589 0.04017 107 92 13 2
2404 Problems? I have the weight of everyone’s troubles on me. 1.1588 0.03049 170 145 23 2
2405 Temperatures are rising, and yet all the profiteers insist on looking the other way based on a slough of false narratives! 1.1588 0.03374 170 148 17 5
2406 Do you have something that will let me forget populists? 1.1587 0.03807 126 109 14 3
2407 Something mild; my stomach's really churning. 1.1587 0.04127 126 111 10 5
2408 Why would He put me here and then cover me with this fungus that I call humanity? 1.1587 0.04278 126 112 8 6
2409 And then, after making all that junk, what do they do with with it? Sweep it into my oceans where they don't have to look at it. 1.1587 0.04127 126 111 10 5
2410 Wait, that's not the end of the story. It's just a period of transition. 1.1587 0.03970 126 110 12 4
2411 Got any bread? 1.1587 0.03807 126 109 14 3
2412 Give me one good reason why I shouldn't have another. 1.1587 0.03807 126 109 14 3
2413 Everybody has problems, but I'm always in a world of trouble. 1.1587 0.04278 126 112 8 6
2414 Its hot, and I am feeling bloated. What is going on around here? 1.1587 0.03970 126 110 12 4
2415 I want to stop the world and get off, but I am the world. 1.1586 0.03875 145 128 11 6
2416 Could you turn up the A/C? 1.1586 0.03619 145 126 15 4
2417 Hey barkeep, if I drift off, just give me a swift slap on my Canada. 1.1586 0.03484 145 125 17 3
2418 The Koch brothers just walked in! Where do I hide? 1.1586 0.03619 145 126 15 4
2419 I feel like I'm coming apart at the seams. Do you get my drift?" 1.1586 0.03619 145 126 15 4
2420 Don’t ask me 1.1586 0.03749 145 127 13 5
2421 What do you mean, "Last call." I've got oil left. 1.1585 0.03343 164 142 18 4
2422 Make mine dirty, like Uranus. 1.1585 0.03664 164 145 12 7
2423 More ice, please. I'm roasting! 1.1585 0.02816 183 155 27 1
2424 Make it a double with ice cubes. 1.1583 0.03924 120 104 13 3
2425 Could I get my water without fizz? I'm trying to cut back on gas" 1.1583 0.04266 120 106 9 5
2426 WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO? 1.1583 0.03718 139 121 14 4
2427 Check please. Time to go home, loosen up my equator and watch some Dancing with the Stars. 1.1583 0.03575 139 120 16 3
2428 If it’s not too much trouble, can you spare more ice? 1.1583 0.03718 139 121 14 4
2429 Hurricane happy hour? 1.1583 0.03271 139 118 20 1
2430 You know what gets me hot? People that don't think I'm hot. 1.1583 0.03426 139 119 18 2
2431 I’m warming! Get me renewable energy! 1.1583 0.03856 139 122 12 5
2432 Ah, we are way past the glass half full or empty with this one. There will be no glass. 1.1583 0.03575 139 120 16 3
2433 I used to be a globe trotter. Now I'm just a homebody. 1.1583 0.03718 139 121 14 4
2434 It’s just nice to have someone that listens to you. 1.1582 0.03177 158 135 21 2
2435 Top me off with some ice? I'm getting low over here. 1.1582 0.03048 158 134 23 1
2436 Yesterday I accidentally stepped into a Mars bar. 1.1579 0.04240 114 100 10 4
2437 I'm telling you, I've had enough. 1.1579 0.03144 171 147 21 3
2438 I get a dry throat and itchy feet when my southern hemisphere is deciding where to vacation. 1.1579 0.03971 133 117 11 5
2439 It's feels like I'm the weight on someone's shoulders 1.1579 0.03628 152 133 14 5
2440 And then a guy walks up to me and asks " have you seen Oppenheimer yet?" 1.1579 0.03111 152 129 22 1
2441 I’m sick and tired of hearing that damn song about how wonderful I am. 1.1579 0.03971 133 117 11 5
2442 Hey Mac, Do you have anything stronger? 1.1579 0.04080 152 137 6 9
2443 And don’t even ask me about my polar caps… 1.1579 0.03506 152 132 16 4
2444 so she says to me, I prefer Uranus 1.1579 0.03514 133 114 17 2
2445 She’s about yay high, little wide at the equator, two nice moons that would make your head spin… 1.1579 0.03971 133 117 11 5
2446 I’m telling you Joe, the whole solar system is rigged! 1.1579 0.03514 133 114 17 2
2447 I'm under unimaginable stress. 1.1579 0.03673 133 115 15 3
2448 Aren’t you supposed to cut me off when I’ve had too many greenhouse gases?! 1.1579 0.04053 114 99 12 3
2449 I got a world of troubles, my friend. 1.1579 0.03514 133 114 17 2
2450 It's *constantly* five o'clock somewhere! 1.1576 0.03198 184 160 19 5
2451 My ice is melting. 1.1576 0.03211 165 142 20 3
2452 It's just way too much responsibility. 1.1576 0.03094 165 141 22 2
2453 [No caption needed. This is perfect as is.] 1.1575 0.03323 146 125 19 2
2454 I’ll have a double ice cap. 1.1575 0.03596 146 127 15 4
2455 So I sez, Can I buy you a drink? And she sez, Duh, Earth to Earth. 1.1575 0.03178 146 124 21 1
2456 It's time — goodbye cruel world. 1.1575 0.03596 146 127 15 4
2457 You look dizzy 1.1575 0.03462 146 126 17 3
2458 I tell ya, this world is not what it’s cracked up to be 1.1575 0.03596 146 127 15 4
2459 The moon and me, we've been together a long time. It's good. But predictable. And lately we've been drifting apart. 1.1575 0.03596 146 127 15 4
2460 Man, if you were me you’d see this cup as half empty too! 1.1575 0.03462 146 126 17 3
2461 I'm in a world of trouble. 1.1575 0.03941 127 111 12 4
2462 No chaser necessary. I brought my own. 1.1575 0.03941 127 111 12 4
2463 I'll take another scotch and the total annihilation of the human race. 1.1575 0.03779 127 110 14 3
2464 What harm is one drink going to do. I've already been polluted with toxic waste!! 1.1575 0.04246 127 113 8 6
2465 On top of everything else, I have to start planning my five-billionth birthday. 1.1574 0.04588 108 96 7 5
2466 What in the world! 1.1572 0.03159 159 136 21 2
2467 You too will be burning the ice tonight? 1.1572 0.03402 159 138 17 4
2468 Do you have something that will stop my head from spinning? 1.1571 0.03693 140 122 14 4
2469 Easy on the ice. I'm 70% water as it is. 1.1571 0.03404 140 120 18 2
2470 She just spun me around! 1.1571 0.03830 140 123 12 5
2471 Seriously, I'm leaning toward bringing back the Jurrasic 1.1571 0.03962 140 124 10 6
2472 They make me feel so flat! 1.1571 0.03693 140 122 14 4
2473 So then I met this guy Atlas.... 1.1571 0.03551 140 121 16 3
2474 I'll take one more for the skillet. 1.1571 0.04089 140 125 8 7
2475 Alcohol is not going to kill me. Humans are going to frickin kill me. 1.1571 0.04089 140 125 8 7
2476 Could I have some more ice? I really need to cool down. 1.1570 0.03894 121 105 13 3
2477 And then he asked if I could get a world in edgeways. 1.1570 0.03713 121 104 15 2
2478 Yo barkeep, can you save my spot? Niagara Falls is callin'. 1.1570 0.04067 121 106 11 4
2479 Please Pray for Global Cooling. 1.1567 0.03647 134 116 15 3
2480 I revolve around so many people, yet all I have is the moon. 1.1567 0.03798 134 117 13 4
2481 Sure,you think you have the weight of the world on your shoulders, but let me tell you, bub, I live it 24/7/365/4,000,000,000. 1.1567 0.04083 134 119 9 6
2482 Everyone keeps telling me that I'm the only one in the entire universe who gets hotter with age! 1.1567 0.03798 134 117 13 4
2483 I stopped the world to let people off! 1.1567 0.03647 134 116 15 3
2484 It's like a merry-go-round. When will it stop? 1.1567 0.03798 134 117 13 4
2485 I wish He'd come down here. 1.1567 0.03798 134 117 13 4
2486 I've had a day. 1.1567 0.03325 134 114 19 1
2487 I need another. Got the world on my shoulders! 1.1566 0.03077 166 142 22 2
2488 I ordered it "on-the-rocks", I'm having hot flashes! 1.1565 0.04205 115 101 10 4
2489 You wouldn't believe the day I'm having 1.1565 0.03440 147 127 17 3
2490 Just water; I'm overheated and dehydrated. 1.1565 0.03701 147 129 13 5
2491 ...and don't even get me started on that Middle East.... 1.1565 0.03158 147 125 21 1
2492 Do you have aanything colder? 1.1565 0.03440 147 127 17 3
2493 Some of my best friends are "Flat Earthers"... 1.1565 0.03573 147 128 15 4
2494 Climate change; you can’t live with it and and can’t foresee a century without it. 1.1562 0.03382 160 139 17 4
2495 Has Planet Pluto been around lately ? 1.1562 0.04215 128 114 8 6
2496 I'm telling you, I've never seen anything land the moon. 1.1562 0.03141 160 137 21 2
2497 ..."and they promised before they got off the arc!" 1.1562 0.03912 128 112 12 4
2498 Keep my tab open! 1.1562 0.03912 128 112 12 4
2499 Quick! Ice! 1.1561 0.03217 173 150 19 4
2500 I don’t know why I keep making the same mistake with that wall. 1.1560 0.03669 141 123 14 4
2501 Could I have more ice please? Mine has melted. 1.1560 0.03381 141 121 18 2
2502 You know those wildfires? You aint seen nothin yet. 1.1560 0.03669 141 123 14 4
2503 I was just twirling around the sun, minding my own business when I came upon a bottle that said, "Drink me..." 1.1560 0.04158 109 95 11 3
2504 What do you mean I can't put it on my tab? 1.1558 0.03584 154 135 14 5
2505 You ran out of ice? 1.1557 0.03496 122 104 17 1
2506 Set me up again Joe. I tells ya, it never ends with these people. The next meteor can't come quickly enough. 1.1557 0.04036 122 107 11 4
2507 No discounts on “Earth Day?!” I can’t catch a break anywhere! 1.1557 0.03864 122 106 13 3
2508 Then she accused me of being overheated. 1.1557 0.04036 122 107 11 4
2509 So Jupiter and Venus orbit into a bar… 1.1557 0.04200 122 108 9 5
2510 With ice! No matter how much I blow off steam, I can’t seem to cool off. 1.1556 0.03622 135 117 15 3
2511 Could you wack on the air conditioning? 1.1556 0.03915 135 119 11 5
2512 It's like they want me to die, but without me, WHERE WOULD THEY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I just asked if you wanted a refill............ 1.1556 0.03915 135 119 11 5
2513 My brother, Earth, just passed away. 1.1556 0.03772 135 118 13 4
2514 Sometimes the itch is so bad, I just want to spin out of control! 1.1556 0.03622 135 117 15 3
2515 ...and then the doctor tells me I'm just going through menopause! I don't think so! There's got to be something else causing these hot flashes! 1.1556 0.03772 135 118 13 4
2516 I swear, Herb, these people are going to be the death of me. 1.1556 0.03915 135 119 11 5
2517 I’ve a crisis of confidence ever since Atlas shrugged. 1.1556 0.03772 135 118 13 4
2518 Don't you get tired of people thinking they can walk all over you? 1.1556 0.03772 135 118 13 4
2519 One minute I was diagnosed with climate change and the next thing I knew they were telling me that I was suffering from climate catastrophe! 1.1556 0.04054 135 120 9 6
2520 Straight up please, I've got plenty of rocks. 1.1556 0.03915 135 119 11 5
2521 She left me because she said my head was too round, and she wanted a guy with a flattop. 1.1556 0.03303 135 115 19 1
2522 I’m telling you everyone here is crazy and I can’t do a thing to humble them 1.1554 0.03138 148 126 21 1
2523 I could use a few more ice cubes. 1.1553 0.03245 161 139 19 3
2524 A couple of drinks, and I'm fine. But you guys are screwed. 1.1553 0.03245 161 139 19 3
2525 Same again, but with more ice. 1.1552 0.03987 116 101 12 3
2526 Could I get a lot more ice? 1.1552 0.03794 116 100 14 2
2527 Bartender. May I have this on the rocks, please? 1.1552 0.03987 116 101 12 3
2528 Last Call? 1.1550 0.04036 129 114 10 5
2529 She said I was too gassy. 1.1550 0.03558 129 111 16 2
2530 Man, is it hot enough for ya? 1.1550 0.03883 129 113 12 4
2531 And then Atlas said I was getting too hot to handle. 1.1550 0.03558 129 111 16 2
2532 It was bad enough when I was just bipolar. 1.1550 0.03883 129 113 12 4
2533 My Manhattan smells funny. 1.1550 0.03558 129 111 16 2
2534 From now on it's going to be the priest, the rabbi and the planet 1.1550 0.03558 129 111 16 2
2535 Whiskey on the rocks... hold the whiskey 1.1550 0.03883 129 113 12 4
2536 Did you hear the one about the three aliens...? 1.1550 0.03558 129 111 16 2
2537 I'm going to need alot of ice! 1.1550 0.03883 129 113 12 4
2538 So should I have lied when she asked, “Do you think my life revolves around you?” 1.1550 0.04036 129 114 10 5
2539 ...but my therapist says I'm just spinning 1.1550 0.03883 129 113 12 4
2540 Pangaea, man! Pangaea! I drink to forget my big split-up! 1.1549 0.03207 142 121 20 1
2541 It can't be last call. 1.1549 0.03644 142 124 14 4
2542 The humans are at it again... 1.1549 0.03779 142 125 12 5
2543 I said, "keep it neat please." 1.1549 0.03359 142 122 18 2
2544 A guy walked into a bar and said to the guy behind the bar as he pushed his glass forward" beam me up scotty" 1.1549 0.03779 142 125 12 5
2545 I feel like the room is revolving. 1.1549 0.03359 142 122 18 2
2546 I have one more, pls; on the Rockies. 1.1549 0.03909 142 126 10 6
2547 Could I have this on the rocks? I need to cool off! 1.1549 0.03644 142 124 14 4
2548 Could I have some ice in the drink? I feel very warm and dizzy; maybe I am having a heat stroke.. 1.1549 0.03359 142 122 18 2
2549 Help me. I'm parched 1.1548 0.03562 155 136 14 5
2550 A bucket of ice. I need it for a toupee over my poles. 1.1548 0.02915 155 131 24 0
2551 She said I was the world to her! 1.1548 0.03442 155 135 16 4
2552 I’d give the world for a good set of teeth. 1.1548 0.03190 155 133 20 2
2553 This world’s ‘Best Friend’? Al Gore every time! But poor Al’s ‘Inconvenient Truth’ is like two teenagers with raging hormones trying to get it on; as long as ‘the old man’ rides shotgun on dates, they might just as well watch a movie! 1.1548 0.03679 168 150 10 8
2554 Pluto? Oh, he's no longer in my circle. You know, I didn't completely disagree when he chastised me for getting around. But I knew our relationship was over when he said I was spinning out of control. 1.1545 0.04122 110 96 11 3
2555 Can you turn on the air conditioner? 1.1545 0.04320 110 97 9 4
2556 How much does a planet have to suffer to get a drink around here? 1.1545 0.03695 110 94 15 1
2557 Yes, with a twist. But not straight up. With a slight tilt to the axis. 1.1545 0.04005 123 108 11 4
2558 First world problems 1.1545 0.03657 123 106 15 2
2559 I reallly need to rehydrate these days! 1.1545 0.03657 123 106 15 2
2560 D’ya have any idea what it’s like to be me? 1.1545 0.04325 123 110 7 6
2561 What's to say? It's been another helluva week here! 1.1545 0.03657 123 106 15 2
2562 Could I get another water, I'm really over heating. 1.1545 0.03657 123 106 15 2
2563 How about one more for the road. 1.1545 0.04168 123 109 9 5
2564 Bitters…just bitters. 1.1545 0.04168 123 109 9 5
2565 Sorry, I have to go. I can't work remotely anymore." 1.1545 0.04168 123 109 9 5
2566 Can I get a drink the Milky Way. 1.1545 0.04325 123 110 7 6
2567 Why is it every time I come in and tell you what a crappy day I've had, you just shrug. 1.1545 0.03835 123 107 13 3
2568 ...and then she left me! Went to 'colonize' my neighbor. What's he got that I don't, anyway? 1.1545 0.04005 123 108 11 4
2569 Why should I care? I was here when your crowd came in the front door and I'll be here long after you go. 1.1544 0.03746 136 119 13 4
2570 You think you've got problems? I'm running a fever in places I didn't know were even places. 1.1544 0.03746 136 119 13 4
2571 Do you have anything cleaner? 1.1544 0.03597 136 118 15 3
2572 Barkeep, I'm telling ya, I'm too young to die. 1.1544 0.03442 136 117 17 2
2573 Excuse me, could I please get some ice? 1.1544 0.03746 136 119 13 4
2574 Yeah, my Weltschmerz is driving me to drink. So what of it? 1.1544 0.03888 136 120 11 5
2575 Do you ever feel like no one is listening? 1.1544 0.04026 136 121 9 6
2576 Everybody seems to think they know how to “solve the world’s problems.” 1.1544 0.03597 136 118 15 3
2577 What do you mean, you’re also running out of ice? 1.1544 0.03597 136 118 15 3
2578 I thought I meant the world to her. 1.1544 0.03746 136 119 13 4
2579 Oh, God -- now I have the spins. 1.1544 0.03442 136 117 17 2
2580 Got anything with ice in it? 1.1544 0.03261 149 128 19 2
2581 Another moonshine 1.1544 0.03397 149 129 17 3
2582 Glow-ball is coming around to fine spirits. 1.1544 0.03654 149 131 13 5
2583 When I said I wanted a drink I didn’t mean water! 1.1544 0.03397 149 129 17 3
2584 What do you mean you’re out of water? 1.1544 0.03528 149 130 15 4
2585 How does a Young Earth Creationist end up bartending? 1.1544 0.03119 149 127 21 1
2586 I’m running dry, can you get me a refill? 1.1543 0.03455 162 142 15 5
2587 Excuse me, I’m in desperate need of a water refill over here! 1.1538 0.03186 143 122 20 1
2588 My ice is melting, can you turn it down a bit. 1.1538 0.03764 117 101 14 2
2589 You know I am not entirely against global warming. It is a chance do get almost eight billion things off my back. 1.1538 0.03337 143 123 18 2
2590 Can you turn down the heat? My ice keeps melting away. 1.1538 0.03337 143 123 18 2
2591 I’m so tired of carrying everyone else! 1.1538 0.03754 143 126 12 5
2592 Problems? Problems? Where do you want me to start? 1.1538 0.03532 130 112 16 2
2593 Don't ask me where these arms came from, I'm just a cartoon. 1.1538 0.03561 169 150 12 7
2594 I'm tired of drinking all this oil. do any bars around here have good drinks 1.1538 0.03697 130 113 14 3
2595 Have I got a world of problems! 1.1538 0.03482 143 124 16 3
2596 I just don't know why I keep getting friendzoned! 1.1538 0.03620 143 125 14 4
2597 Mars?! I'm telling you, what's a planet got to do to get some respect? 1.1538 0.03186 143 122 20 1
2598 Woe is me, I bet on the Yankees and Mets this year. 1.1538 0.03655 156 138 12 6
2599 Would you know how it is to always be tilted? 1.1538 0.03186 143 122 20 1
2600 Atlas shrugged. What do I do now? 1.1538 0.03855 130 114 12 4
2601 How 'bout a round of eight billion. 1.1538 0.03186 143 122 20 1
2602 Oh, don't start about Mercury. I'm heating up just as fast, and he's right next to the sun. Please! 1.1538 0.04007 130 115 10 5
2603 No more hurricanes, please. 1.1538 0.03620 143 125 14 4
2604 I just don't feel like he's got the "whole me" in his hands! 1.1538 0.03697 130 113 14 3
2605 Political Climate Change 1.1538 0.03855 130 114 12 4
2606 so, I said to this guy Mars, I'm coming for you. 1.1538 0.03855 130 114 12 4
2607 You don’t know what it’s like to live every day with a nasty case of the spins” 1.1538 0.03955 117 102 12 3
2608 And then , that guy, the moon, hit me! 1.1538 0.04007 130 115 10 5
2609 Look mack, I've been around the block and I can tell you this global warming shit is for real. 1.1538 0.03337 143 123 18 2
2610 It all started when I was born. 1.1538 0.03855 130 114 12 4
2611 ...And then, I top of all that, I feel like my life is spinning out of control !!! 1.1538 0.03482 143 124 16 3
2612 I know I’m mostly water, but why the little glass? 1.1538 0.03855 130 114 12 4
2613 I know what I am talking about, it’s a global problem! 1.1538 0.03540 156 137 14 5
2614 It’s like I got the weight of the world on my shoulders. 1.1538 0.03186 143 122 20 1
2615 What does Mars have that I don 1.1538 0.03620 143 125 14 4
2616 Am I spinning, or you? 1.1538 0.03697 130 113 14 3
2617 I need something wet, but go light on the water. 1.1538 0.03955 117 102 12 3
2618 My ice is melting faster than expected. 1.1538 0.03855 130 114 12 4
2619 I asked you for the Sunrise Cocktail not the Sunset. 1.1538 0.03855 130 114 12 4
2620 Sorry bud, but I’m gonna need waaay more ice. 1.1533 0.03631 150 132 13 5
2621 Hey buddy, can I get another hurricane over here? 1.1533 0.03241 150 129 19 2
2622 Can we skip 'Last Call' for another time? 1.1533 0.03376 150 130 17 3
2623 Quick, anorher shot, please. I don't have much time left. 1.1533 0.03419 137 118 17 2
2624 They say I’m blue. Why wouldn’t I be? 1.1533 0.03573 137 119 15 3
2625 I'm hoping that the next ice age comes soon because you ain't exactly generous on ice in my drink 1.1533 0.03573 137 119 15 3
2626 She said she couldn't wait thousands of years for me to change 1.1533 0.03861 137 121 11 5
2627 a double big reforestation with a little CO 2 reduction, please! 1.1533 0.03419 137 118 17 2
2628 This global warming is making me thirsty. 1.1533 0.03419 137 118 17 2
2629 Writers, actors, ... What about us studio logos? 1.1532 0.03806 124 108 13 3
2630 Just one more, you know, for world peace? 1.1532 0.03806 124 108 13 3
2631 I'm sad as hell and I just can't take it anymore. 1.1532 0.03806 124 108 13 3
2632 Gimme two Tylenol and a glass of ice water. 1.1529 0.03123 170 147 20 3
2633 No need for plastic cups. 1.1529 0.03279 157 136 18 3
2634 Dammit Frank, how about a little ice for a melting gal! 1.1529 0.03519 157 138 14 5
2635 My wife left me for another planet. 1.1528 0.03729 144 127 12 5
2636 The doctor said the hot flashes were early menopause, but I know it's global warming. 1.1528 0.03597 144 126 14 4
2637 Can I please get a water? That last drink knocked me off my axis! 1.1528 0.03597 144 126 14 4
2638 I don't mean to be rude, but, as species go, yours sucks! 1.1528 0.03597 144 126 14 4
2639 I'm motha ***ing earth damn it! What do I have to do to get their attention? 1.1528 0.03729 144 127 12 5
2640 Thanks. Another sake. But cold this time. 1.1528 0.03597 144 126 14 4
2641 Could you warm me up? 1.1528 0.03597 144 126 14 4
2642 I'm not drunk. There are actually people on me who think I'm flat! 1.1528 0.03316 144 124 18 2
2643 I think I need to slow down until everything stops spinning. 1.1527 0.03671 131 114 14 3
2644 Barkeep, another Thirsty Icecap! 1.1527 0.03827 131 115 12 4
2645 I didn't ask for a shot; I said, "Shoot me!" 1.1527 0.03827 131 115 12 4
2646 It's all my fault! 1.1527 0.04123 131 117 8 6
2647 Give me one for the orbit! 1.1527 0.03978 131 116 10 5
2648 Total eclipse. TOTAL. 1.1527 0.03507 131 113 16 2
2649 I said I was 3/4 water, not that I wanted 3/4 water. 1.1527 0.03978 131 116 10 5
2650 It helps me come out of my shell. 1.1525 0.03734 118 102 14 2
2651 On the rocks please. 1.1525 0.04104 118 104 10 4
2652 I used to be the big shot, the center of everything, but now it's just Sun, Sun, Sun. 1.1525 0.04104 118 104 10 4
2653 Christ, what an asshole! 1.1524 0.03416 164 144 15 5
2654 This glass is half empty. 1.1523 0.03081 151 129 21 1
2655 I am going to miss my human inhabitants. 1.1523 0.03355 151 131 17 3
2656 I've go to say, sometimes all this spinning and orbiting makes me dizzy. 1.1523 0.03221 151 130 19 2
2657 I don't know...sometimes I feel like I'm just spinning around in circles... 1.1523 0.03484 151 132 15 4
2658 Yeah, I suppose I've had enough. How can you tell my head is spinning? 1.1522 0.03970 138 123 9 6
2659 Believe me, I know. It's five clock somewhere. 1.1522 0.03835 138 122 11 5
2660 I think we have a global drink problem! 1.1522 0.03548 138 120 15 3
2661 Enough of "the usual." you're wrecking my life! 1.1522 0.03548 138 120 15 3
2662 Thanks for the water, but I need something stronger. 1.1522 0.03835 138 122 11 5
2663 Man I'm Hot. 1.1522 0.03694 138 121 13 4
2664 And they still say I'm flat. 1.1520 0.03944 125 110 11 4
2665 And then my doctor said, "It's Weltschmerz, and there's no cure!" 1.1520 0.03418 125 107 17 1
2666 ...and I think the world of you. 1.1520 0.03602 125 108 15 2
2667 How would you feel, living with such an existential threat? 1.1519 0.03612 158 140 12 6
2668 What have you got that's cold 1.1519 0.03259 158 137 18 3
2669 I don't like what's happening, but they wouldn't listen! Except you, Joe. 1.1518 0.04247 112 99 9 4
2670 Is it me, or is it getting warm in here? 1.1517 0.03437 145 126 16 3
2671 Not only that, but my innards feel like they're going to explode! 1.1517 0.03705 145 128 12 5
2672 Give me double bartender, and plan on me being here for a long, long time. 1.1517 0.03437 145 126 16 3
2673 I hear the rumors around the observatory. The moon is leaving me. 1.1517 0.03437 145 126 16 3
2674 Anyway, that whole ‘birth of the cosmos’ thing just left me feeling flat… 1.1515 0.03800 132 116 12 4
2675 So you say, " Just drink the kool aid and will be cool". 1.1515 0.03800 132 116 12 4
2676 I KNEW SHE HAD A DARK SIDE, BUT I WASN'T READY FOR A COMPLETE ECLIPSE. 1.1515 0.04093 132 118 8 6
2677 It’s always the same thing. “You look thinner in your Tinder Profile.” 1.1515 0.03052 165 142 21 2
2678 I'm going to need more ice -- I'm really warming up. 1.1515 0.03800 132 116 12 4
2679 It was paradise for billions of years then humans arrived. 1.1515 0.03949 132 117 10 5
2680 Is it the alcohol or is it really hot in here? 1.1515 0.03645 132 115 14 3
2681 The song says you got the whole world in your hands, but I haven't had a date in a million years. 1.1513 0.03463 152 133 15 4
2682 On and on she waxes and wanes, I am sooo over the moon. 1.1513 0.03586 152 134 13 5
2683 I'd like to buy the world a drink on me. 1.1513 0.03586 152 134 13 5
2684 CAN'T YOU PUT SOME ICE IN THIS 1.1513 0.03893 119 104 12 3
2685 It seems like I need a drink a lot more often these days. 1.1513 0.04243 119 106 8 5
2686 Sick man of the Universe! 1.1513 0.03893 119 104 12 3
2687 So this guy hops in, lights up. Sorry, no smoking, I sez, I got a condition. Just Drive, he sez, and blows his smoke my way. 1.1513 0.04071 119 105 10 4
2688 Everybody mistakes me for their oyster. 1.1511 0.03524 139 121 15 3
2689 Yeah, I'm almost out of ice, too. 1.1511 0.03373 139 120 17 2
2690 My life doesn't understand me. 1.1511 0.03809 139 123 11 5
2691 They said a case of humans is fatal 1.1511 0.03669 139 122 13 4
2692 I feel like I get stepped on all the time!!! 1.1511 0.03524 139 121 15 3
2693 Don’t cut me off. I am losing my ozone layer and things are getting out of control. 1.1511 0.03524 139 121 15 3
2694 It keeps getting hotter I need water! 1.1511 0.03373 139 120 17 2
2695 I can't remember whose shoulders I'm supposed to be on. 1.1511 0.03524 139 121 15 3
2696 Actually, I prefer the Devonian Era. 1.1511 0.03809 139 123 11 5
2697 So then she says I’m not as flat as I used to be. 1.1511 0.03524 139 121 15 3
2698 What in the world is he going to ask for now?! 1.1509 0.03240 159 138 18 3
2699 Ever feel like you're out of your orbit? 1.1509 0.04195 106 93 10 3
2700 It's getting too hot not to drink heavily. 1.1508 0.03915 126 111 11 4
2701 I didn't start drinking until the Anthropocene. 1.1508 0.03749 126 110 13 3
2702 So... how do you think we can fix climate change? 1.1508 0.04227 126 113 7 6
2703 Just leave the bottle 1.1508 0.03915 126 111 11 4
2704 That's an astronomical service fee! 1.1508 0.04074 126 112 9 5
2705 Do you need some ice in your drink to cool off? 1.1508 0.03749 126 110 13 3
2706 We both spin around poles, yes, but these strippers aren’t getting any hotter in the next decade… 1.1508 0.03915 126 111 11 4
2707 My head just keeps spinning! Got anything for that? 1.1508 0.03749 126 110 13 3
2708 One more before closing? Better make it a strong one - I'm already 70% water. 1.1508 0.03915 126 111 11 4
2709 I'll have another double scotch, hold the glacial ice. 1.1508 0.03749 126 110 13 3
2710 Can I actually have some root beer instead of water? I’m tired of hurricanes. 1.1508 0.04074 126 112 9 5
2711 I know you've heard this before, but I have the weight of the world on my shoulders" 1.1508 0.03749 126 110 13 3
2712 Hey! Really needed that seventh day off, did you? 1.1508 0.03915 126 111 11 4
2713 Yes I have faults. And don’t even get me started on water retention. 1.1507 0.03415 146 127 16 3
2714 I don't know what the big deal is....is it because of my addiction global warming exists and everything is nothing-but a figment of our imagination? 1.1507 0.03681 146 129 12 5
2715 All I want is a little respect! Is that so much to ask? 1.1507 0.03807 146 130 10 6
2716 The Doc just told me I have 20 years to live. 1.1507 0.03273 146 126 18 2
2717 Yeah, they wouldn't let me in the Macy's Parade! 1.1507 0.03681 146 129 12 5
2718 Same old same old with me-global warming, mass extinctions, the next doomsday tech craze, all thanks to, no offense, your kind. But tell me more about how your wife has started to make her shepherd's pie with ground turkey instead of ground beef. 1.1504 0.04211 113 100 9 4
2719 And if that is not enough , I have IBS 1.1504 0.03619 133 116 14 3
2720 But when he started singing "I've got the whole world in my hands" I knew it was time to get out of there. 1.1504 0.03773 133 117 12 4
2721 Make it one for my baby and one more for the world. 1.1504 0.03619 133 116 14 3
2722 Lydia, oh! Lydia, say have you met Lydia. 1.1504 0.03773 133 117 12 4
2723 They did it in a cave, Martin. A CAVE!!! 1.1504 0.03773 133 117 12 4
2724 I’ve got an eye on South America, but I’m also leaning toward Australia. 1.1504 0.03458 133 115 16 2
2725 I think I need my drinks on the rocks. 1.1504 0.03458 133 115 16 2
2726 It’s called weltschmertz. 1.1504 0.03458 133 115 16 2
2727 Sam, it was so much easier just dealing with volcanoes, earthquakes, and dinosaurs. 1.1504 0.03289 133 114 18 1
2728 I can’t tell if this Musk guy is my friend or my enemy. 1.1504 0.03619 133 116 14 3
2729 So two planets came into a bar... 1.1504 0.03619 133 116 14 3
2730 So I said, fine, if you’re going to trash me, I’m just gonna go get wasted. 1.1504 0.03289 133 114 18 1
2731 What’s one more drink gonna do? I’m already dying. 1.1503 0.03314 153 133 17 3
2732 Everybody's yelling at me, 'Stop, I want to get off!' 1.1500 0.03457 160 141 14 5
2733 All I want is one day off per week. 1.1500 0.04039 120 106 10 4
2734 Well, it all started with a small pimple on my forehead…. 1.1500 0.03862 120 105 12 3
2735 It all started with sewage overflows and bilge cleanings and now I can’t stop this binge. 1.1500 0.03862 120 105 12 3
2736 Back then someone would buy me a Coke and keep me company. 1.1500 0.03862 120 105 12 3
2737 And then she said I'm her whole world, but I'm everyone's whole world! 1.1500 0.03645 140 123 13 4
2738 You don't know the half-life of it! 1.1500 0.03457 160 141 14 5
2739 Tommy, I know the Lord won’t give me more than I can handle but sometimes I wish he didn’t have quite so much faith in me. 1.1500 0.03862 120 105 12 3
2740 You’re really cutting me off for spinning!?” 1.1500 0.03501 140 122 15 3
2741 In the real world, sobriety is overrated. 1.1500 0.03351 140 121 17 2
2742 Another ice water. Make it a double. 1.1500 0.03351 140 121 17 2
2743 For the love of God! Help me father!! 1.1497 0.03657 147 130 12 5