Contest #866


Cartoon

866


Name Value
Submission deadline -
Voting started -
Voting ended -
Finalists announced -
Magazine(s) announcing finalists issued -
Number of captions 5190
Number of responses 1042413
Number of participants -


Dashboard

In this table, the "mean" means the empirically measured average funniness score when the "unfunny", "somewhat funny" and "funny" receive a funniness score of 1, 2, 3 respectively. "Precison" is the standard error of the mean, the standard deviation of the mean estimate. With that, a caption with an empirical mean μ and precision σ has true mean in the range [μ - 2σ, μ + 2σ] with 95% probability by the 68-95-99.7 rule assuming the responses are indepedent and identically distributed.

Rank Caption Mean Precision Total votes "Unfunny" votes "Somewhat funny" votes "Funny" votes
0 Yeah, that was me. I have greenhouse gas. 1.8284 0.01927 1900 861 504 535
1 Thirty years ago I was way cooler. 1.7875 0.01727 2193 999 661 533
2 Is the whole room spinning or is it just me? 1.7767 0.01939 1742 808 515 419
3 Have 8 billion kids”, they said. “They’ll look after you in your old age”, they said 1.7404 0.02452 1090 535 303 252
4 She used to think I was the center of the universe. 1.6992 0.01579 2400 1187 748 465
5 I've been taking a lot of heat lately. 1.6887 0.01630 2165 1064 711 390
6 I could use a little more ice 1.6852 0.01894 1639 821 513 305
7 I just found out I'm bipolar. 1.6816 0.01690 2249 1194 577 478
8 It just feels like I’ve been going in circles for years. 1.6766 0.01488 2721 1402 797 522
9 Look, pal — I know when something is seventy percent water. 1.6722 0.01251 4246 2334 970 942
10 It’s mostly water weight. 1.6708 0.00912 8136 4531 1752 1853
11 ...and I'm constantly being mooned! 1.6593 0.01882 1761 951 459 351
12 I remember the day that Mars said “You’ll regret being habitable” 1.6517 0.01569 2575 1421 630 524
13 Before Copernicus I was at the center of it all 1.6476 0.01531 2514 1340 720 454
14 Could I get some more ice? 1.6399 0.01472 2630 1393 791 446
15 It's five o'clock somewhere. 1.6378 0.01257 4133 2368 894 871
16 Everything I drink goes to my equator.” 1.6368 0.00935 7410 4233 1635 1542
17 And then the Sun says to me, “Actually your life does revolve around me.” 1.6253 0.01759 1935 1077 506 352
18 So I say to the guy, “YOU try having Florida stuck to your ass all day.” 1.6221 0.01748 2048 1174 474 400
19 I think I’m bipolar. 1.6198 0.01346 3382 1923 822 637
20 For just once, I’d like it if things didn’t revolve around me 1.6125 0.02237 1107 604 328 175
21 I turn around and the day is gone. 1.6116 0.01093 5080 2910 1233 937
22 Did I mention that I'm bipolar? 1.6056 0.01138 4653 2681 1126 846
23 One more round and I'll call it a day. 1.6048 0.01077 5291 3082 1218 991
24 Oh yeah, well I said it was "Last Call" 20 years ago & no one listened to me! 1.6043 0.01811 1731 969 478 284
25 I'll take another hurricane. 1.6025 0.01653 2035 1131 582 322
26 Excuse me, but there's plastic in my water. 1.5901 0.01599 2203 1257 592 354
27 I have to watch what I drink—I’m bipolar. 1.5865 0.01371 3139 1843 751 545
28 The drinks are good but there’s no atmosphere. 1.5811 0.01630 1986 1114 590 282
29 I miss the old atmosphere." 1.5755 0.01644 2033 1173 550 310
30 She left me for someone cooler. 1.5715 0.01488 2399 1371 685 343
31 So what if I’m in the perfect position to harbor life? Maybe I wanted a career. 1.5686 0.01725 1880 1106 479 295
32 I just discovered I'm bipolar. 1.5675 0.01224 3884 2334 896 654
33 I’ll take a frozen ANYTHING! 1.5671 0.01568 2183 1265 599 319
34 I think I’ll call it a night. 1.5652 0.01673 1824 1034 549 241
35 My problems started when I gave Saturn a ring. 1.5633 0.01312 3185 1872 832 481
36 I just found out that I’m bipolar 1.5620 0.01190 4142 2519 918 705
37 If you’ve got the tequila, I’ve got the sunrise. 1.5523 0.01515 2457 1489 579 389
38 In about a minute you'll have the world at your feet. 1.5521 0.01465 2704 1661 593 450
39 Venus is beautiful but extremely toxic. We haven't been together since the birth of our sun. 1.5441 0.01689 1849 1101 490 258
40 When I dry out, they complain about the droughts. When I drink, they complain about the floods. You can't win with these people! 1.5348 0.01615 1881 1102 552 227
41 Another double please, I’m having a global crisis over here! 1.5322 0.01644 1845 1093 522 230
42 No, you’re the one spinning. 1.5311 0.01759 1798 1119 403 276
43 Can you turn on the A/C? 1.5252 0.01634 1786 1051 532 203
44 A hot planet walks into a bar and no one seems to care. Get it? 1.5185 0.01571 1996 1203 551 242
45 So then, I turned around and caught them together—the light of my life and the freaking moon. 1.5149 0.01685 1816 1122 453 241
46 The trouble is that this place ain't got no atmosphere. 1.5118 0.01562 1944 1167 559 218
47 Everything’s on me. 1.5114 0.01388 3019 1975 544 500
48 Turns out I'm bipolar. 1.5083 0.01384 2835 1809 611 415
49 I really miss the dinosaurs. 1.5034 0.01631 1778 1081 499 198
50 Give me another one. My doctor just told me I don't have long to live! 1.5025 0.01667 1773 1097 461 215
51 Lenny, you ever wake up one day and realize you're just not as cool as you were 100 years ago? 1.4996 0.01529 2396 1570 455 371
52 How does it feel to be the world’s favorite bartender? 1.4964 0.01499 2343 1504 515 324
53 Is it getting warmer in here, or is it just me? 1.4961 0.01511 2310 1484 506 320
54 I used to be a lot cooler. 1.4957 0.01423 2191 1317 662 212
55 It's 5 o'clock somewhere. 1.4910 0.01681 2118 1447 302 369
56 My sun thinks the world revolves around him. 1.4895 0.01563 2090 1339 479 272
57 Do you accept carbon credits? 1.4892 0.02829 646 416 144 86
58 I was cool with moonogamy until I met Jupiter. 1.4891 0.01722 2116 1480 237 399
59 I finally got diagnosed. Turns out I'm bipolar. 1.4809 0.01752 1730 1141 346 243
60 I don’t want another Manhattan. 1.4795 0.01799 1656 1099 320 237
61 I never wanted to be a planet. I wanted to be a star. 1.4782 0.01767 1650 1080 351 219
62 Everyone just walks all over me. 1.4780 0.01572 1707 1038 522 147
63 I look in the mirror and suddenly I'm 4.5 billion years old. And what have I done with my life? 1.4748 0.01812 1548 1013 335 200
64 My wife thinks I'm at the planetarium. 1.4741 0.01846 1563 1043 299 221
65 Work's been crazy - I've been on a non-stop rotation 24/7! 1.4714 0.01820 1523 999 330 194
66 Have you got anything that will stop the spinning? 1.4708 0.01828 1506 988 327 191
67 Tomorrow I'll be right back where I started. 1.4706 0.01824 1464 949 341 174
68 What I need now is love, sweet love. 1.4689 0.02471 836 553 174 109
69 OK, I'll put in in your language: The temperature of "room temperature" beer is getting too warm even for the Brits. 1.4647 0.02062 1134 739 263 132
70 Don't judge me. I know for a fact it's five o'clock somewhere. 1.4627 0.02010 1273 853 251 169
71 It isn't the heat, it's the stupidity. 1.4613 0.01954 1292 854 280 158
72 Can I get more ice? Mine melted. 1.4610 0.01886 1423 950 290 183
73 If Venus calls, I’m not here. 1.4587 0.01842 1393 910 327 156
74 They say the earth's getting hotter, but I'm still single. 1.4582 0.01957 1281 849 277 155
75 I'm running low on ice. 1.4574 0.01886 1220 775 332 113
76 Last call? Why, yes. Yes it is. 1.4560 0.01927 1296 856 289 151
77 I feel I’m always half in the dark! 1.4556 0.01945 1238 810 292 136
78 Yeah, I'm new here. What did the Old World order? 1.4481 0.02145 1011 668 233 110
79 What a millennium I'm having. 1.4477 0.01974 1108 714 292 102
80 People walk all over me. 1.4451 0.01883 1056 653 336 67
81 I’ve got to cut back, one day I’m drowning Burning Man, and the next I’m frying Phoenix. 1.4423 0.02103 979 637 251 91
82 It’s 5:00 somewhere. 1.4400 0.02201 975 656 209 110
83 Is the room spinning or is it me? 1.4396 0.02143 969 639 234 96
84 I need more ice. 1.4394 0.02121 1040 698 227 115
85 I'll take whatever stops the spinning. 1.4390 0.02009 1073 702 271 100
86 She said, ‘It’s like we’re from different planets,’ and just walked out. 1.4389 0.02128 1064 722 217 125
87 Hey, uh, Frank, can I get a bit more ice? 1.4385 0.02153 1033 700 213 120
88 I stopped drinking and then this climate change thing came up. 1.4383 0.02164 956 633 227 96
89 The sun? Ugh, that guy thinks everything revolves around him. 1.4371 0.02178 986 664 213 109
90 Yes, I’m round! Why is that so hard to believe? 1.4366 0.02153 962 638 228 96
91 I've only been carded once, at a Creationism mixer. 1.4357 0.02294 902 612 187 103
92 The flat-earthers called me fat! 1.4354 0.02205 937 627 212 98
93 Aw, I’m already polluted. 1.4344 0.02207 914 608 215 91
94 They refuse to acknowledge my preference and keep calling me mother. 1.4343 0.02293 944 652 174 118
95 Anything but oil. 1.4337 0.02187 913 604 222 87
96 And then he shrugged and here I am. 1.4331 0.02363 875 602 167 106
97 I’m already 70% water...more scotch, please 1.4324 0.02266 939 644 184 111
98 You’re the biggest bartender I’ve ever seen! 1.4316 0.02337 862 587 178 97
99 Aw, c’mon, it’s 5:00 o’clock somewhere. 1.4314 0.02313 911 628 173 110
100 Global warming can make a guy very thirsty. 1.4313 0.02277 881 594 194 93
101 You're out of ice too? 1.4310 0.02369 877 607 162 108
102 I don't even know where to start. I have about 7 billion problems... 1.4297 0.02174 975 661 209 105
103 You ever think about where you'll be in five years? 1.4287 0.02246 863 575 206 82
104 I don't care what she's told you -- we're done. I'm over the moon. 1.4269 0.02276 869 587 193 89
105 I'll have another one...I give up...i've given them all the signs of climate change and they just want Hunter Biden's laptop. 1.4261 0.02517 819 582 125 112
106 Oh so thirsty, 96.5% ocean and not a drop to drink 1.4255 0.02242 832 550 210 72
107 ...and then there's "PLATE TECHTONICS" 1.4248 0.02319 831 562 185 84
108 I had it all. And then out of nowhere...daylight savings. 1.4248 0.02255 864 581 199 84
109 I think global, but I drink local. 1.4242 0.02422 759 513 170 76
110 No more for me--it feels like my head is spinning out of control. 1.4242 0.02326 745 488 198 59
111 Do you have some aspirin? I'm feeling unusually warm. 1.4237 0.02233 819 539 213 67
112 Didn’t I have an ice cap when I came in? 1.4234 0.02391 803 549 168 86
113 I really need to cool off. 1.4234 0.02240 829 549 209 71
114 To be a caption voter ‘influencer’, you need to name your weekly podcast something along the line of — ‘The New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest Podcast’. (Like Beth Lawler and Paul Nesja did.) 1.4221 0.02683 860 658 41 161
115 Paul Nesja and Beth Lawler should NOT be permitted to submit captions that they promote on their — 'New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest Podcast' (which is followed by — and guested by — those who are affiliated with the magazine and the contest)." 1.4221 0.02731 815 619 48 148
116 Oh, come on! It's five o'clock somewhere 1.4214 0.02310 871 600 175 96
117 Another ice water double…and keep ‘em coming! 1.4207 0.02303 832 564 186 82
118 I mean, come on, do I look flat to you? 1.4203 0.02377 778 527 175 76
119 I seem to be getting these hot flashes all the time. 1.4195 0.02395 770 523 171 76
120 I guess I'm just not good with people. 1.4190 0.02439 809 566 147 96
121 And I'm like, can't I have a dark side, too?" 1.4185 0.02347 798 542 178 78
122 You mean we're BOTH out of ice? 1.4185 0.02321 810 549 183 78
123 Caption contest finalists — Paul Nesja and Beth Lawler have their own podcast; whereon, they inform their loyal listeners of their weekly entries; as well as point out to them, the awfulness of the two captions that they ultimately compete against. 1.4180 0.02683 835 635 51 149
124 Believe it or not, there was a time when I was incontinent. 1.4179 0.02434 737 500 166 71
125 I don’t want to get bombed. 1.4169 0.02400 818 570 155 93
126 I just get this feeling I'm going in circles. 1.4168 0.02386 751 507 175 69
127 I woulda given her the world! 1.4159 0.02301 803 542 188 73
128 I've come to realize that everything doesn't revolve around me. 1.4153 0.02375 732 490 180 62
129 I don't care how it sounds. I miss the Covid-19 lockdown. 1.4147 0.02528 680 463 152 65
130 I only drink bottled water. 1.4146 0.02344 779 528 179 72
131 The kids are right. I'm just not as cool as I used to be. 1.4139 0.02447 674 449 171 54
132 Could use a little more ice please. 1.4133 0.02323 830 572 173 85
133 Cut me off if the room stops spinning. 1.4127 0.02426 773 536 155 82
134 So the doc says, "I got bad news for ya, you've got HUMANS". 1.4126 0.02447 761 528 152 81
135 I'm sweating all the time and no one believes me. 1.4113 0.02454 688 464 165 59
136 Just give me something that will help me forget the hot flashes 1.4113 0.02282 834 571 183 80
137 And then, he just shrugged. 1.4086 0.02747 629 445 111 73
138 All this melted ice is making me incontinent. 1.4084 0.02542 742 527 127 88
139 “It’s 5 o’clock somewhere, Jimmy.” 1.4076 0.02564 763 551 113 99
140 I’m telling you Bob, these people are killing me. 1.4069 0.02614 698 496 120 82
141 So I says to him: seven days? You kidding? 1.4036 0.02642 659 465 122 72
142 People are always complaining, ‘What’s wrong with the world these days?!’ It starts to get to you. 1.4035 0.02609 679 480 124 75
143 She said I was flat! Do I look flat to you? 1.4034 0.02573 652 451 139 62
144 My equator says to close out the tab, but my polar cap is saying vodka and make it a double. 1.4024 0.02542 656 452 144 60
145 So I says to him I says, "Pluto! You are not a planet!" But does he listen? 1.4006 0.02640 659 467 120 72
146 My wife complains I’m fat but it’s mostly water weight. 1.4000 0.02528 705 497 134 74
147 Let me apologize in advance. I just passed some greenhouse gas. 1.4000 0.02758 595 420 112 63
148 Now she's complaining I'm TOO hot! 1.3985 0.02497 665 458 149 58
149 And then she says, 'Quit acting like everything revolves around you.' 1.3981 0.02529 643 442 146 55
150 I've got stage 4 humans 1.3980 0.02720 603 425 116 62
151 I don’t know, Mac. Maybe it’s “the change” but I feel hot all the time these days. 1.3979 0.02566 666 467 133 66
152 I feel like I'm just constantly going around in circles. 1.3974 0.02444 682 468 157 57
153 Can I get some ice? 1.3971 0.02431 680 465 160 55
154 At least when you shout “Last call” they take you seriously. 1.3967 0.02772 605 433 104 68
155 I used to be cool! 1.3951 0.02504 648 446 148 54
156 Life was better during the Paleozoic. 1.3946 0.02654 626 442 121 63
157 How to be a caption finalist: A) Have a weekly podcast (to promote your captions); and, B) Submit each caption, several times (using different email addresses); so that voters won’t have to wade through thousands of entries, to get to your caption. 1.3944 0.03058 606 466 41 99
158 Save my seat—I’ll be back in twenty-four hours. 1.3936 0.02854 564 404 98 62
159 My name isn’t Paul Nesja. Can I be a caption finalist, too? 1.3931 0.02744 720 546 65 109
160 What have you got on the menu for a Low Carbon Diet? 1.3929 0.02876 537 381 101 55
161 It's always "You're too hot!", "You're too cold!", "You're unpredictable!". And never "How are you feeling?" 1.3928 0.02669 639 457 113 69
162 A plastic cup? Really? 1.3925 0.02604 642 453 126 63
163 more ice please, mine's melting 1.3917 0.02553 605 415 143 47
164 And just like that, Pluto was gone! 1.3908 0.02633 568 390 134 44
165 No I dont want to look at Uranus again 1.3907 0.02670 581 405 125 51
166 Everything was going great until people showed up. 1.3902 0.02687 569 396 124 49
167 Must caption finalists frequently be those who have self-promoting podcasts, and/or those who vote for themselves, hundreds of times (by creating bogus New Yorker accounts, using throwaway email addresses)?” 1.3894 0.03009 642 502 30 110
168 All my ice has melted. 1.3878 0.02501 575 387 153 35
169 Think globally. Drink locally. 1.3877 0.02792 552 391 108 53
170 Doc says I'm bipolar 1.3871 0.02728 589 420 110 59
171 And she said, get this, I wasn't hot enough. Well I'll show her! 1.3869 0.02685 579 407 120 52
172 And if that isn’t enough, now they want to leave me for Mars 1.3865 0.02782 564 402 106 56
173 Sorry, my ice has melted" 1.3858 0.02523 591 404 146 41
174 There I was. Happy and content for billions of years. Then it happened. People ... PEOPLE! And there's nothing you can take for that. 1.3852 0.02901 553 403 87 63
175 Excuse me, my ice has melted. 1.3834 0.02564 592 410 137 45
176 I'm not drunk, I'm tilted on my axis. 1.3833 0.02886 480 335 106 39
177 Venus was here? Did she mention me? 1.3817 0.02825 545 391 100 54
178 I told her I needed some space. 1.3810 0.02556 559 382 141 36
179 Actually, the moon is a real asshole. 1.3795 0.02693 585 418 112 55
180 On the rocks, please. Lots of them. 1.3785 0.02780 494 343 115 36
181 Global warming? I thought it was just menopause. 1.3781 0.02822 529 378 102 49
182 I'm telling ya, what goes around, comes around. 1.3779 0.02757 553 395 107 51
183 I’m tired of everyone walking all over me. 1.3778 0.02916 450 313 104 33
184 Hey, so what happened to the atmosphere? 1.3757 0.02820 519 370 103 46
185 And on top of all that, my shrink says I'm bipolar. 1.3743 0.02925 545 404 78 63
186 I could use some more ice. 1.3740 0.02720 524 368 116 40
187 These hot flashes are getting worse 1.3732 0.02723 568 409 106 53
188 Then she says, " We don't travel in the same orbit" 1.3728 0.02899 515 374 90 51
189 Of course I drink alone! Jupiter and Saturn - just huge and gassy. Venus is cold as hell, Neptune's gone sideways, Pluto's out the club, and moon can't even reach the bar! Just keep 'em coming... 1.3725 0.03079 459 334 79 46
190 I just feel like I'm going in circles. 1.3722 0.02596 497 337 135 25
191 Damn right it's always 5 o'clock somewhere. 1.3702 0.02948 524 388 78 58
192 Warmest summer in recorded history and she tells me I’m ‘not hot enough’ for her… 1.3699 0.03193 438 325 65 48
193 I offered her the world but she wanted the moon and the stars. 1.3694 0.02989 471 341 86 44
194 What do you mean last call, I'm just warming up. 1.3691 0.02867 485 346 99 40
195 ...and then she accuses me of being "bipolar"! 1.3690 0.03003 496 366 77 53
196 It all started with a big bang. 1.3677 0.03042 446 322 84 40
197 These days I revolve around gin. 1.3674 0.03206 479 365 52 62
198 This bar has no atmosphere. 1.3674 0.02727 509 359 113 37
199 And she thinks everything revolves around her 1.3667 0.02847 510 369 95 46
200 Yeah, I know, small world. 1.3658 0.03027 462 337 81 44
201 Is the room spinning, or is it just me? 1.3643 0.02978 560 430 56 74
202 Earth to bartender! 1.3641 0.03139 423 308 76 39
203 No more, I'm polluted! 1.3632 0.03076 435 316 80 39
204 Me? I’m the 3rd one out of 8. Used to be 9, but we don’t even mention him anymore . 1.3626 0.03125 422 307 77 38
205 Is the room starting to spin or is it just me?" 1.3625 0.02646 480 331 124 25
206 Her name was Venus. She was so hot, but she traveled in different circles. 1.3621 0.02993 475 349 80 46
207 Is it hot, or is it just me? 1.3601 0.02835 436 305 105 26
208 So how come people listen when YOU shout "last call!"? 1.3598 0.02964 428 305 92 31
209 When my continents start drifting, call a cab 1.3591 0.02867 479 346 94 39
210 Is it just me or is it getting warmer around here? 1.3590 0.02643 493 344 121 28
211 I'm tired of listening to Sun. He thinks everything revolves around him. 1.3590 0.03013 429 309 86 34
212 Seriously? Do I look Flat to you? 1.3589 0.02809 482 345 101 36
213 The room's spinning. Or is it just me? 1.3581 0.02958 444 320 89 35
214 I thought being named to the Hottest Planets list would make me more popular, but everyone is mad at me. 1.3581 0.02959 458 333 86 39
215 You think global warming is the only thing on my mind. Try getting fracked. 1.3580 0.03098 405 292 81 32
216 Turns out I've got Humans. The doctor gave me six weeks. 1.3570 0.03312 395 294 61 40
217 If that's Venus calling, tell her I'm not here ! 1.3566 0.03139 401 291 77 33
218 Is the A.C. working in this joint? I’m melting over here. 1.3564 0.02811 477 342 100 35
219 Is it me or is the room spinning? 1.3558 0.03076 430 315 77 38
220 Is it getting hotter in here,is it just me? 1.3546 0.02874 454 326 95 33
221 No more for me. I'm quite polluted already. 1.3544 0.03250 395 292 66 37
222 Your polar cap is melting too, huh? 1.3540 0.03096 452 338 68 46
223 I'm 5 billion years old - and having hot flashes like I'm 40! 1.3534 0.02939 498 372 76 50
224 Yeah, Venus is hot, but she's way out of my orbit. 1.3529 0.03229 408 304 64 40
225 Did you turn the heat up or it just me? 1.3527 0.02933 448 325 88 35
226 And then he shrugged! 1.3524 0.02816 471 339 98 34
227 What on earth do you want now? 1.3514 0.03100 407 297 77 33
228 No ice? Join the club! 1.3511 0.02869 413 291 99 23
229 This place could use a little atmosphere. 1.3507 0.02976 442 323 83 36
230 No more, Joe; I’m incontinent. 1.3503 0.03271 394 294 62 38
231 Wait, you don’t have any ice either? 1.3494 0.03044 435 321 76 38
232 If you heard "it's a small world after all" as many times as I have, you'd drink too. 1.3491 0.03189 401 297 68 36
233 Got anything for global warming? 1.3489 0.02936 407 290 92 25
234 I feel Ike I work so hard, and at the end of the year I’m back where I started.” 1.3489 0.03020 450 334 75 41
235 Don’t worry, the Sun’s gravity is my designated driver. 1.3470 0.03226 438 336 52 50
236 You don't know what it's like to be a small world after all. 1.3469 0.03239 392 292 64 36
237 My problem is that Republicans don't understand me. 1.3465 0.03283 404 306 56 42
238 On second thought, forget the drink, gimme more ice! 1.3463 0.02800 436 310 101 25
239 More ice, lots of ice. And hurry! 1.3458 0.02771 480 348 98 34
240 Can I get two more? I only face this way once a day. 1.3455 0.02980 440 324 80 36
241 Worst date ever! She claimed that I was actually flat, and just contorting myself to fit some UN world order narrative. 1.3452 0.03205 365 266 72 27
242 She said she needed more space. 1.3449 0.02778 403 281 105 17
243 No thanks, I’ll pass. The room is spinning! 1.3446 0.02782 444 317 101 26
244 This place has no atmosphere. 1.3444 0.02940 392 279 91 22
245 I wish I had a nickel for every person who tells me it's not the end of the world. 1.3437 0.03065 419 310 74 35
246 The kids tell me I'm not as cool as I used to be. 1.3427 0.03259 356 261 68 27
247 So you're losing your hair? I'm losing my ozone layer! 1.3426 0.03141 394 291 71 32
248 I identify as global. My pronouns are worldwide, universal and international. 1.3412 0.03172 381 281 70 30
249 He's small and gray, and he was right next to me! 1.3407 0.03156 405 303 66 36
250 So I said, it’s not the heat, it’s the stupidity! 1.3406 0.03427 320 235 61 24
251 Can I get more ice? Mine is melting. 1.3404 0.02874 376 264 96 16
252 And then things started to get heated… 1.3404 0.03041 376 271 82 23
253 Dude, I am so fucked. 1.3398 0.03210 412 313 58 41
254 I used to be able to hold my groundwater for decades! 1.3385 0.03158 390 290 68 32
255 Believe me, my other half has a very dark side! 1.3375 0.02826 400 284 97 19
256 Three billion inhabited planets, and I get the nut jobs! 1.3373 0.03346 338 250 62 26
257 It’s not just the heat, it’s the stupidity. 1.3370 0.03465 365 281 45 39
258 My life revolves around my sun. 1.3369 0.03054 377 274 79 24
259 I mean, I want to believe I'm round, but whenever I look in a mirror, all I see is 'flat'. 1.3367 0.03186 392 294 64 34
260 This is like 2/3 water. 1.3366 0.02788 413 294 99 20
261 As if everything revolves around her?! 1.3365 0.02903 419 305 87 27
262 Hello! Earth to Larry!! 1.3365 0.03407 318 234 61 23
263 That earthquake really shook me up. 1.3363 0.03131 342 246 77 19
264 I’m telling you Frank. Sell the condo in Boca. 1.3360 0.03335 381 291 52 38
265 You sure you haven't seen her? A small, grey sphere. Answers to "Luna." 1.3356 0.03079 435 330 64 41
266 I just feel like every time I turn around another day has passed me by 1.3343 0.03342 338 251 61 26
267 She said I was hot and left. 1.3342 0.03044 374 272 79 23
268 But my head always feels like it's spinning. 1.3342 0.03030 401 296 76 29
269 Venus is hot but out of my orbit. 1.3333 0.03066 378 277 76 25
270 I feel like I've just been going round in circles. 1.3333 0.02979 390 284 82 24
271 It’s been a rough summer. 1.3333 0.02949 354 251 88 15
272 I don't know. I've been having these hot flashes lately. 1.3325 0.03037 403 299 74 30
273 Is everything spinning or is it just me? 1.3324 0.02973 364 261 85 18
274 And that is just in the northern hemisphere 1.3324 0.03022 355 255 82 18
275 Be honest, is my ice receding? 1.3323 0.03446 334 252 53 29
276 Is this room spinning right now? 1.3315 0.03305 368 279 56 33
277 What do you mean you're out of ice? 1.3314 0.03187 353 260 69 24
278 I'll see you same time tomorrow. 1.3312 0.03308 314 229 66 19
279 Let me tell you, Joe. I've got a lot on my tectonic plates. 1.3307 0.03074 384 284 73 27
280 I gave you humans everything I have, but you just treat me like a garbage bin. I need another drink. 1.3303 0.03197 330 240 71 19
281 You're the only one that listens to me. 1.3301 0.02652 412 290 108 14
282 If I'm Earth, what are you standing on? 1.3295 0.03946 261 199 38 24
283 I think I'm going to need more ice. 1.3294 0.02948 337 238 87 12
284 Another day, another round. 1.3290 0.03186 383 289 62 32
285 And for the record, I'm not a mother. 1.3289 0.03066 377 278 74 25
286 I knew him, yes, but then he shrugged! 1.3289 0.03679 298 227 44 27
287 Can I get some moonshine? 1.3288 0.03069 368 270 75 23
288 Do I really look like Gorbachev? 1.3274 0.03598 281 209 52 20
289 I’m done with the cosmos. Give me a whiskey. 1.3272 0.03120 379 283 68 28
290 I'm gonna need a little ice. 1.3270 0.03181 318 230 72 16
291 Make it a double, I just found out I have asteroids. 1.3270 0.03531 315 239 49 27
292 I think you know my ‘sun’! 1.3258 0.03359 310 229 61 20
293 She was my universe, man. 1.3256 0.02916 433 324 77 32
294 'hello, earth to bartender.....' 1.3256 0.03364 344 261 54 29
295 I'm a hot mess. 1.3256 0.03313 344 259 58 27
296 And the hot flashes, they just keep coming. 1.3255 0.03385 341 259 53 29
297 Sometimes I just get tired of going around in circles 1.3255 0.03451 298 221 57 20
298 And I've been having hot flashes like there's no tomorrow! 1.3254 0.03381 338 256 54 28
299 Definitely on the rocks. 1.3252 0.04331 206 156 33 17
300 I like coming for the atmosphere. 1.3249 0.02897 437 327 78 32
301 Do I look flat to you? 1.3246 0.03148 345 254 70 21
302 My ice melted. 1.3246 0.03326 342 258 57 27
303 I can't stop thinking about Venus - She's not just bright. She's really hot. 1.3242 0.03569 330 256 41 33
304 The moon keeps complaining about being in my shadow. I hope it's just a phase. 1.3242 0.03523 293 219 53 21
305 So then––and no, I'm not kidding––my doctor tells me, 'The foreseeable future will be utter hell.' 1.3238 0.03201 349 260 65 24
306 You spend billions of years to get it right, then they stumble upon the Industrial Revolution and arrogantly think they know how to do better and, in a blink of an eye, phhtt! 1.3233 0.03333 300 220 63 17
307 And I'm just getting warmed up! 1.3231 0.03611 294 223 47 24
308 You know, Joe, I've never really recovered from that big bang . 1.3229 0.03347 353 270 52 31
309 Why can't everything revolve around me? 1.3229 0.02882 415 307 82 26
310 Who's gonna hire a four-and-a-half-billion-year-old planet? 1.3223 0.03454 301 225 55 21
311 Cut me off. I'm starting to spin. 1.3220 0.03141 354 263 68 23
312 So, do you know this Venus? She's about my size, very bright, and hot. 1.3220 0.02779 410 298 92 20
313 I plan on getting drunk off my axis. 1.3218 0.03478 317 241 50 26
314 Is it me, or is it getting hotter in here everyday? 1.3213 0.03105 333 243 73 17
315 Can I get some ice? I feel warm all over. 1.3210 0.03038 324 233 78 13
316 It's a birthmark. Why? 1.3208 0.03484 293 219 54 20
317 First of all, no one NEEDS a Jeep! 1.3205 0.03209 312 228 68 16
318 Help! I’ve been drawn by a cartoonist looking to elicit a flood of virtue-signaling captions! 1.3204 0.03706 334 267 27 40
319 It's been a long Anthropocene. 1.3204 0.03240 334 249 63 22
320 Excuse me, I’m going to need some ice. 1.3201 0.03318 353 270 53 30
321 I think I'm overheated 1.3197 0.02968 319 227 82 10
322 Be honest. Does this outfit make me look flat? 1.3194 0.03367 382 301 40 41
323 You didn’t know the earth was a heavy drinker? I didn’t know the moon was a nosy bartender. 1.3190 0.03424 348 270 45 33
324 Excuse me, I asked for the carbon neutral! 1.3182 0.03233 308 226 66 16
325 And after four and half billion years of showing my whole self every day, the moon still won’t show me her dark side. 1.3180 0.03283 327 245 60 22
326 I’m not drunk. I’m always spinning on a tilt. 1.3180 0.02920 327 233 84 10
327 It's always five o'clock somewhere. 1.3178 0.03069 365 272 70 23
328 You have to cut me off after 3 martinis or I reverse polarity and everyone dies. 1.3176 0.03481 340 265 42 33
329 Yes, I'm over 21 1.3175 0.03152 315 230 70 15
330 My ice melted again. 1.3173 0.03421 312 236 53 23
331 ...and to top it off, she said I needed a latitude adjustment. 1.3172 0.03392 331 253 51 27
332 Tell me the truth. Do I look flat? 1.3169 0.03237 325 242 63 20
333 They scoffed at me when I told them about my invisible friend; now "dark matter" is all they can talk about. 1.3161 0.03435 310 235 52 23
334 And what’s with all the phases of the moon? Just pick one. 1.3152 0.02872 368 268 84 16
335 Give me all the ice you have. 1.3148 0.02968 378 281 75 22
336 You ever feel like you’re just spinning in circles? 1.3147 0.03271 340 258 57 25
337 Something cool, please. 1.3146 0.02767 356 254 92 10
338 Where's the can? I can feel my sea levels rising,. 1.3143 0.03303 315 236 59 20
339 Make mine on the rocks, I've been getting some hot flashes lately 1.3128 0.02811 390 286 86 18
340 You ever feel like you're just going in circles? 1.3127 0.03145 355 268 63 24
341 So I'm like, 'Proof of age? Really?' 1.3125 0.03375 336 259 49 28
342 I’m so fracked. 1.3121 0.03116 314 230 70 14
343 I’ve got a fracking headache 1.3112 0.03140 347 261 64 22
344 You won't believe the summer I just had. 1.3109 0.02923 341 248 80 13
345 And don't get me started about the drilling. 1.3104 0.03015 335 246 74 15
346 It just feels like a world of hurt! 1.3104 0.02955 335 244 78 13
347 Something to cool me off, please! 1.3104 0.03136 364 277 61 26
348 Some days, I just miss Pluto. 1.3103 0.03237 319 239 61 19
349 And then I told her that the world doesn't revolve around her. 1.3102 0.03480 303 232 48 23
350 She said we "weren't on the same axis." 1.3098 0.03261 297 220 62 15
351 Joe,you ever get the feeling no one cares if you live or die? 1.3098 0.03431 297 225 52 20
352 It’s always 5 o’clock somewhere. 1.3096 0.03494 281 212 51 18
353 Wait, am I drinking my own water? 1.3095 0.03489 294 224 49 21
354 I'm just getting warmed up. 1.3091 0.03248 317 238 60 19
355 Doesn't it feel warm in here?" 1.3086 0.03374 324 249 50 25
356 You people will be the death of me . 1.3082 0.03186 292 214 66 12
357 Do I look like I need ice!? 1.3082 0.03235 305 227 62 16
358 7 billion martinis, please. 1.3080 0.03645 276 212 43 21
359 Nobody understands the gravity of my situation. 1.3074 0.03626 270 206 45 19
360 Excuse me, but by "on the rocks" I meant something igneous or metamorphic. 1.3070 0.02939 342 251 77 14
361 I'll give you a hundred bucks for 5 minutes in the walk-in. 1.3067 0.03302 300 225 58 17
362 My whole life I've been going in circles. 1.3066 0.03473 274 206 52 16
363 If I had any idea, I would never have allowed them to land in the first place. 1.3065 0.03478 310 240 45 25
364 I wish he WOULD go to Mars. 1.3065 0.02994 310 225 75 10
365 The last time God threw a rock at me, I was scared. Now, I'm like; "hello darkness my old friend". 1.3065 0.03478 310 240 45 25
366 I suspect he is seeing other planets. 1.3059 0.03496 304 235 45 24
367 More ice, please. Mine has melted 1.3059 0.03202 340 259 58 23
368 I hope they leave for Mars soon. 1.3056 0.03194 337 256 59 22
369 I can't shake the feeling. Like something's crawling all over me 1.3055 0.03501 275 208 50 17
370 I can’t get these people off my back! 1.3049 0.03391 305 233 51 21
371 Could you put some ice in my drink? I need to cool down. 1.3040 0.03099 329 246 66 17
372 People are walking all over me. 1.3038 0.03635 260 198 45 17
373 My life is going around and around, day after day! 1.3038 0.03021 316 232 72 12
374 And I told them, 'listen, you'd self-medicate too, if you'd had the epoch I'm having!' 1.3030 0.03213 297 221 62 14
375 Oh, boo-hoo. ‘I’ haven’t had a vacation in 4 billion years! 1.3027 0.03233 294 219 61 14
376 So then I asked em’ “what do you mean my temperature is rising?” 1.3026 0.03264 304 229 58 17
377 "Global warming. Global hunger. Global terror. Why is it always about me?" 1.3026 0.03719 271 211 38 22
378 Can I have some more ice, please? 1.3019 0.03197 318 240 60 18
379 I ever tell you about me and Pluto? 1.3019 0.03228 318 241 58 19
380 So, how do these rising seas look on me? 1.3016 0.03085 305 225 68 12
381 "How would you like to spin on your axis 24 hours a day?" 1.3015 0.03529 262 198 49 15
382 The truth is, I’ve changed. 1.3011 0.03506 269 204 49 16
383 Do you ever get that 'stop the solar system I want to get off' feeling? 1.3009 0.03181 329 250 59 20
384 I used to be big - people thought I was the center of the universe. 1.3007 0.03250 296 222 59 15
385 One drunken night with Venus and BOOM I have a moon now! 1.3006 0.03239 316 240 57 19
386 Welcome to my world. 1.3006 0.03141 326 246 62 18
387 You need the ice, I need the ice. Who knew ice was so important? 1.3003 0.03446 293 225 48 20
388 Yes, I am 71% water, but after this summer, I need a drink! 1.3000 0.03183 290 215 63 12
389 Then she says, ‘It’s not like I’m asking for the moon.’ 1.2993 0.03759 284 226 31 27
390 You ever feel like you're spinning? 1.2991 0.03334 331 258 47 26
391 It’s been a long day. 1.2991 0.03078 321 240 66 15
392 Is it warm in here or is it just me? 1.2990 0.03476 301 234 44 23
393 Did you moon me? 1.2989 0.03399 281 213 52 16
394 So then,as a joke,I ordered the Baked Alaska. 1.2989 0.03561 271 208 45 18
395 Keep ’em coming. My girl Luna is going through another one of her phases. 1.2989 0.03637 271 210 41 20
396 Buddy, I gotta world of troubles. 1.2984 0.03210 315 239 58 18
397 It feels like I'm just goin' around in circles. 1.2984 0.03273 315 241 54 20
398 Keep the climate change. 1.2979 0.03238 292 219 59 14
399 I see your ice is melting, too. 1.2974 0.02890 306 222 77 7
400 Sometimes I feel so alone in the universe; the other planets I meet are all so lifeless... 1.2972 0.03498 286 221 45 20
401 Make it a double. I have a world of trouble. 1.2970 0.03359 303 233 50 20
402 People, am I right? 1.2964 0.03690 280 221 35 24
403 So I asked them, "Do I look flat to you?" 1.2955 0.03318 308 237 51 20
404 I'd like the Tectonic Plate, please. 1.2955 0.03813 264 209 32 23
405 I just feel like no one gets it.... 1.2955 0.03197 264 194 62 8
406 Why is there plastic in my drink? 1.2955 0.03619 264 204 42 18
407 I'm in a world of hurt tonight. 1.2953 0.03117 298 222 64 12
408 I feel like I'm taken for granite 1.2953 0.03081 298 221 66 11
409 Water? Water? I'm two thirds Water. Now pour me a whiskey! 1.2953 0.03760 254 198 37 19
410 They only ever ask about my temperature, not my feelings. 1.2950 0.03688 261 203 39 19
411 You'd drink too... 1.2949 0.03082 356 274 59 23
412 It's a hell of a thing, the politicians in Washington are older than I am. 1.2949 0.03418 295 228 47 20
413 What is the name of the continent on the back of your head? 1.2948 0.03770 268 212 33 23
414 I don't know if it's obvious, but i've been going through a lot of changes lately 1.2947 0.03125 302 226 63 13
415 So I said, sure I'll take 'em. Now all the other planets laugh at me. 1.2941 0.03199 306 232 58 16
416 And to top it off, then I got mooned! 1.2941 0.03635 289 229 35 25
417 They say I've never been hotter, yet Venus still won't give me the time of day. 1.2941 0.03618 272 212 40 20
418 It's a birthmark! 1.2939 0.03183 313 238 58 17
419 It was just one joke. I didn’t know Uranus was so sensitive. 1.2939 0.03442 279 214 48 17
420 It feels like there's 8 billion of them. 1.2935 0.03598 293 232 36 25
421 Continental Breakfast. 1.2932 0.02799 307 222 80 5
422 Everywhere I go, I hear "The world just ain't what it used to be." 1.2931 0.03279 290 220 55 15
423 Yeah but my problems are your problems. 1.2929 0.03364 297 229 49 19
424 Is it me or has it gotten warmer in here? 1.2928 0.03343 304 235 49 20
425 If Mother Nature calls, tell her I’m not here. 1.2927 0.03617 287 227 36 24
426 Sometimes I feel like I have the weight of me on my shoulders. 1.2924 0.03604 277 217 39 21
427 If he’s elected, I’m moving to Mercury. 1.2920 0.03833 226 174 38 14
428 I'm in a relationship with 8 billion people; and it's just not working out. 1.2920 0.03440 250 188 51 11
429 I just came in to cool off. 1.2920 0.03710 250 194 39 17
430 Bring back the whole bottle. 1.2917 0.02858 288 208 76 4
431 Your reviews say you have a good atmosphere? 1.2913 0.03078 333 254 61 18
432 Australia is really burning my ass! 1.2913 0.03107 333 255 59 19
433 I could really use some water. 1.2912 0.03160 285 213 61 11
434 ID? I’m 4.543 billion years old. 1.2912 0.03836 261 208 30 23
435 Tourism is way down. Now it's Mars, Mars, Mars. 1.2910 0.03649 268 210 38 20
436 I'll take another, people talk about having the world on their shoulders as if it's a bad thing. 1.2908 0.03192 306 233 57 16
437 Have you ever felt like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders? 1.2905 0.03333 296 228 50 18
438 I feel like I just keep going in circles 1.2905 0.03617 241 184 44 13
439 You think you’ve got problems? Welcome to my world! 1.2904 0.03336 272 206 53 13
440 More ice, please. Much more ice. 1.2904 0.03536 303 241 36 26
441 And then she tells me I mean the world to her. 1.2903 0.03723 279 223 31 25
442 It's like having 8 billion ungrateful bed bugs. 1.2900 0.03713 269 213 34 22
443 And that's just the industrial revolution. You would not believe what happened next! 1.2898 0.03646 314 256 25 33
444 Okay, stop me if you've heard it. 8 million people walk into a bar... 1.2895 0.03627 266 208 39 19
445 Keep ‘‘em coming! It’s been a bad year!! 1.2895 0.03953 228 179 32 17
446 Let's be honest - I miss the dinosaurs. 1.2894 0.03523 273 212 43 18
447 I told her, it's mostly water weight! 1.2890 0.03655 263 206 38 19
448 How would you like people talking about a hole in your southern hemisphere? 1.2885 0.03756 253 199 35 19
449 The truth is I'm incontinent 1.2885 0.03476 260 199 47 14
450 Excuse me, either your barstool is wet or another one of my icecaps has melted. 1.2884 0.03575 267 208 41 18
451 What I would really like is to meet a large gas giant, settle down, and raise a couple of moons. 1.2883 0.03511 274 213 43 18
452 Would it kill them to call their mother? 1.2883 0.03261 281 213 55 13
453 Could I get something with more of an earthy tone? 1.2880 0.02888 309 228 73 8
454 My moon doesn't understand me. 1.2879 0.03223 264 197 58 9
455 Hey, can I pay with plastic? 1.2878 0.03399 278 214 48 16
456 And I can never figure out where to go on vacation! 1.2875 0.03853 240 189 33 18
457 What do you mean 'you can't do anything about the ice melting'? 1.2873 0.03278 268 202 55 11
458 Could I please have some ice? 1.2872 0.02965 289 213 69 7
459 And now my doctor says I need to cut back on my drinking because my sea levels are rising! 1.2872 0.03417 289 225 45 19
460 …I’m actually not a people person. 1.2864 0.03980 213 166 33 14
461 I'm really just a small world. 1.2863 0.03428 255 194 49 12
462 Don’t worry about drink size—I’m already polluted. 1.2862 0.03355 283 218 49 16
463 He's leaving me for Mars! 1.2857 0.03301 280 214 52 14
464 Sometimes you gotta just call it a day 1.2857 0.03358 287 222 48 17
465 You think you've got problems!? I gotta be carbon neutral by 2037! 1.2852 0.03268 263 198 55 10
466 If I’m here, what are you standing on?! 1.2846 0.03993 246 199 24 23
467 My wife thinks I'm too geocentric. 1.2840 0.03604 250 194 41 15
468 Another hurricane please... 1.2838 0.03676 229 176 41 12
469 I’ve got a good one: Mars, Earth, and Elon walk into a bar… 1.2833 0.03610 240 185 42 13
470 I know Dionne Warwick said I need love, but what the world needs now is a drink. 1.2830 0.03661 265 210 35 20
471 My problem? People 1.2829 0.03691 258 204 35 19
472 It all started with capitalism… 1.2826 0.03205 276 209 56 11
473 Why do I drink? Have you seen the news lately? 1.2819 0.03498 298 238 36 24
474 If I got a nickel every time someone said, "It's a small world..." 1.2815 0.03722 238 186 37 15
475 I just don’t know what I’m coming to… 1.2815 0.03453 270 210 44 16
476 Ever feel like there are billions of bugs crawling all over you? 1.2810 0.03338 274 211 49 14
477 It's like they're *trying* to kill me. 1.2810 0.03678 242 189 38 15
478 At first I thought it was just menopause, but now I am quite certain it is global warming. 1.2809 0.04033 235 190 24 21
479 Problems? Dude, I got problems on a global scale. 1.2805 0.03917 221 174 32 15
480 More ice cubes please, and can you turn up the AC? 1.2803 0.03585 264 208 38 18
481 Then she says I’m from Mars and she’s from Venus! 1.2803 0.03294 289 224 49 16
482 Gimmie the next one on the rocks - my ice has melted. 1.2801 0.03128 307 236 56 15
483 Is it me, or is it getting hotter out there? 1.2799 0.03467 268 209 43 16
484 Why do I have hands? 1.2797 0.03654 261 207 35 19
485 Straight up. I'm already 71% water. 1.2797 0.03490 236 180 46 10
486 Things are heating up for me. 1.2792 0.03064 283 213 61 9
487 Can you believe the weather? 1.2791 0.03641 258 204 36 18
488 Pretty soon, we’ll all be drinking neat. 1.2788 0.04002 226 181 27 18
489 And last night,she said “It’s a small world!” 1.2786 0.03245 280 215 52 13
490 and the hot flashes, never been this bad ! 1.2785 0.03628 237 184 40 13
491 I like it here. Everybody knows my name. 1.2785 0.03677 237 185 38 14
492 I joined the Flat Earth Society to try and lose a few pounds. 1.2780 0.03727 223 173 38 12
493 I feel like I can't stop spinning. 1.2780 0.02905 295 220 68 7
494 ...And don't even get me started on the wildfires... 1.2778 0.03825 252 203 28 21
495 Have you run out of ice too? 1.2776 0.03158 263 198 57 8
496 Oh brother, if I hear another person say that they carry the world on their shoulders 1.2773 0.03663 238 186 38 14
497 Look, I’m depressed for good reasons. It’s not just because I’m bi-polar! 1.2772 0.03318 303 239 44 20
498 I’m not as Worldly as I look!! 1.2768 0.03174 289 222 54 13
499 He'll never find a better planet then me. 1.2767 0.03281 253 192 52 9
500 No! I'm just a marble. 1.2762 0.03650 239 187 38 14
501 She told me she needed some space 1.2760 0.03628 250 197 37 16
502 May I have more ice? 1.2759 0.03215 261 198 54 9
503 They tell me the first step is admitting I have a problem. 1.2757 0.02954 272 202 65 5
504 Parched doesn't begin to describe it. 1.2757 0.03363 243 185 49 9
505 Hey, all of my ice has melted! 1.2756 0.03698 225 175 38 12
506 Excuse me, do you have any more ice? Mine melted too quickly. 1.2754 0.03824 236 188 31 17
507 I need another round to get through the day 1.2754 0.03228 276 212 52 12
508 Why must it always be Mercator! 1.2753 0.03227 247 186 54 7
509 You don’t understand how fragile I am right now! 1.2752 0.03834 258 210 25 23
510 If you had this many humans living with you, you would also be constantly drunk. 1.2747 0.03660 233 182 38 13
511 Keep the ice coming! 1.2745 0.03259 255 194 52 9
512 Is it the drink, or am I spinning? 1.2744 0.03553 266 211 37 18
513 What ID? I am older than dirt. 1.2742 0.03507 248 193 42 13
514 And the worst of it is the hot flashes. 1.2742 0.03461 248 192 44 12
515 So I'm on this date with Mercury, who is just super hot by the way, and then I literally start erupting. She excused herself and told me she needed to spend more time with her sun. 1.2739 0.03764 241 192 32 17
516 Ever feel like you've got the weight of . . . forget it, I'm drunk. 1.2738 0.03647 252 200 35 17
517 You are huge. 1.2738 0.03194 263 200 54 9
518 Why does everything revolve around me! 1.2736 0.03043 307 236 58 13
519 On the rocks. On second thought, just the rocks. 1.2735 0.03660 223 173 39 11
520 Are you out of ice, too? 1.2731 0.03554 238 185 41 12
521 ”I’m the world, and I matter, damn it! 1.2731 0.03401 249 192 46 11
522 Please, no more nuts! 1.2731 0.03401 249 192 46 11
523 Can I have some more ice? Mine keeps melting. 1.2727 0.03228 264 202 52 10
524 So she says to me "take out the trash already" so I says to her "where do you expect me to take 145 trillion tons of trash?" 1.2723 0.03999 213 170 28 15
525 Whoa! I can't stop spinning! 1.2720 0.03111 261 197 57 7
526 I'm 4.5 Billion years old--and 70% water, just like your drinks. 1.2720 0.03483 250 195 42 13
527 My drink is flat. 1.2719 0.03810 228 181 32 15
528 I tell you these changes I'm going through are not natural! 1.2717 0.03417 276 218 41 17
529 I'm just warming up. 1.2716 0.03549 243 190 40 13
530 Who cares if I'm flat or round? Can't I just be loved for who I am? 1.2712 0.03569 236 184 40 12
531 Hey, I need some ice 1.2711 0.03281 273 212 48 13
532 One for the orbit, please. 1.2711 0.03198 273 210 52 11
533 She said she wanted someone cooler. 1.2710 0.03576 214 164 42 8
534 I'm sick of people. 1.2710 0.03372 262 204 45 13
535 So then I find out that my brother 'Pluto' isn't really my brother at all! 1.2706 0.03764 218 171 35 12
536 Part of me feels like my days are getting shorter. 1.2706 0.03248 255 195 51 9
537 A little more ice, please? 1.2703 0.03483 259 204 40 15
538 I'm getting tired of everyone carrying me on their shoulders. 1.2702 0.03589 248 196 37 15
539 The Sun, that bastard, won’t take even one single iota of responsibility. He’s like, “It’s not me. It’s you!” 1.2701 0.04020 211 169 27 15
540 It's five o'clock everywhere. 1.2700 0.03402 237 182 46 9
541 Am running out of ice !! 1.2700 0.03295 237 180 50 7
542 Can I get some ice with that? 1.2698 0.03622 215 166 40 9
543 No one cares about to me! 1.2695 0.03046 282 215 58 9
544 Just like me, your drinks are 71% water. 1.2694 0.03571 245 193 38 14
545 I haven't had a day off in seven billion years. 1.2694 0.03293 271 211 47 13
546 Does this outfit make me look flat? 1.2692 0.04171 208 169 22 17
547 I’ve got pollution, I’ve got war, and on top of all that, I’ve got Elon Musk. 1.2691 0.03756 223 176 34 13
548 Get me some ice in this, I’m burning up! 1.2691 0.03914 223 179 28 16
549 No, thanks. I don’t need any more nuts. 1.2689 0.03755 264 216 25 23
550 It all started when I heard a big bang! 1.2688 0.03982 186 145 32 9
551 The next round is on me. 1.2688 0.03161 253 192 54 7
552 A little ice over here. I'm burning up. 1.2685 0.03486 216 165 44 7
553 Can you crank up the A/C, please? My ice caps are melting. 1.2684 0.03561 231 180 40 11
554 Are your children as ungrateful as mine? 1.2683 0.03511 246 193 40 13
555 I'm tellin' you, Joe, these 8 billion people are drivin' me to drink. 1.2681 0.03163 317 251 47 19
556 Is there anything we can do about the a/c? 1.2678 0.03271 239 182 50 7
557 She thinks I’m bipolar. 1.2677 0.03654 254 204 32 18
558 I said I want global cooling. 1.2675 0.03424 228 175 45 8
559 Give me some ice, I'm burning up 1.2673 0.03767 217 171 34 12
560 I had it all. Everything revolved around me until Copernicus shows up. 1.2670 0.04503 176 143 19 14
561 Just one more rotation. 1.2670 0.03719 221 174 35 12
562 Mercury and Venus, don't get me started. 1.2667 0.03566 240 189 38 13
563 it was so much easier when I was flat. 1.2664 0.03620 244 194 35 15
564 So she says to me,”why is it so hard to get to your core?” 1.2664 0.03277 244 187 49 8
565 Would humans say Mars is flat if they lived there? 1.2662 0.03263 263 204 48 11
566 People kill me. I mean it literally—they’re trying to kill me. 1.2662 0.03394 263 207 42 14
567 I gotta tell ya, they're killing me. 1.2661 0.03737 233 186 32 15
568 I believe I asked for saltwater. 1.2658 0.03442 237 184 43 10
569 I asked for still, not flat. 1.2655 0.03083 275 211 55 9
570 I’ve been feeling kind of flat, lately. 1.2654 0.03834 211 167 32 12
571 Is it the whiskey or did I just feel a tsunami? 1.2653 0.03607 245 195 35 15
572 And then Atlas shrugged 1.2652 0.03508 230 179 41 10
573 No more happy hour! What's the world coming to? 1.2651 0.03841 215 171 31 13
574 I tell ya, man — my inhabitants just don’t understand me. 1.2647 0.03377 238 184 45 9
575 And if you could stop using styrofoam cups, I’d really appreciate it. 1.2646 0.03262 257 199 48 10
576 Anything cool, please--I'm warming. 1.2646 0.03405 223 171 45 7
577 When I asked him who besides him was going to carry me, Atlas shrugged. 1.2645 0.03819 242 197 26 19
578 I need all the ice you've got and a shot of oxygen. 1.2641 0.03601 231 182 37 12
579 So I says, “I’ll tell you what the world is coming to!” 1.2639 0.03499 269 216 35 18
580 You would not believe the millenium I've had. 1.2638 0.03293 235 180 48 7
581 I bet you're wondering why a guy like me ordered a glass of water. 1.2638 0.03285 254 197 47 10
582 Make it look like an accident. 1.2637 0.02866 273 205 64 4
583 And on top of everything else, my poles are shifting! 1.2637 0.04022 201 161 27 13
584 You’d drink too if you had my problems. 1.2636 0.03370 220 168 46 6
585 It’s terminal – I’ve got humans. 1.2634 0.03729 224 178 33 13
586 Double up on the ice, pal, I'm dyin' here. 1.2634 0.03622 243 194 34 15
587 Keep them coming. I'm going to get polluted 1.2632 0.03187 266 206 50 10
588 I says to Copernicus, “Keep it to yourself.” Such a jerk. 1.2632 0.03467 228 177 42 9
589 Can you believe this heat? 1.2630 0.02834 270 202 65 3
590 You think you have problems!? 1.2627 0.03494 236 185 40 11
591 Hot enough for you? 1.2626 0.03663 198 153 38 7
592 Please just let me have a cold one for once 1.2625 0.03554 240 190 37 13
593 It’s not the heat, it’s the humidity! 1.2624 0.03761 221 176 32 13
594 And that was when I realized, I drink to make other planets interesting. 1.2624 0.03761 221 176 32 13
595 Hey! you really think one drink is going to do it" 1.2624 0.03116 263 202 53 8
596 I'll have another round 1.2620 0.03946 187 147 31 9
597 I swear, Sammy. Two of these and I start to wobble. 1.2620 0.03721 229 183 32 14
598 Just a big cup of ice, please. 1.2615 0.03189 218 164 51 3
599 Please no more plastic cups 1.2615 0.03681 218 172 35 11
600 The only flat thing I am is broke. 1.2611 0.03646 226 179 35 12
601 I'm feeling a little wobbly, but the doc says it's just a seasonal thing... 1.2611 0.03537 226 177 39 10
602 … and so I drink. 1.2611 0.03247 226 172 49 5
603 You call it "blacking out," I call it an eclipse. 1.2609 0.03748 207 163 34 10
604 Seriously. This drawing qualified for The New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest?! 1.2607 0.03730 257 211 25 21
605 You'd better pour me a cold one. 1.2605 0.03618 238 190 34 14
606 I’m thirsty, feverish, sweat soaked and balding. Don’t get me started! 1.2603 0.03528 242 192 37 13
607 None of the other planets have to deal with people! 1.2602 0.03886 196 155 31 10
608 My therapist says to ignore them, but what if I really am flat? 1.2601 0.03785 223 179 30 14
609 No matter who calls, I'm not here. 1.2601 0.03838 223 180 28 15
610 Everything seems to be spinning 1.2598 0.03458 254 202 38 14
611 If I turn a little, can we extend Happy Hour? 1.2597 0.04320 181 147 21 13
612 Frankly, I'm only here 'cos you have air conditioning. 1.2596 0.03159 285 224 48 13
613 Any more worldly advice? 1.2596 0.03547 235 186 37 12
614 Hey! My ice melted! 1.2594 0.03392 266 212 39 15
615 Could I get some more ice,please? 1.2593 0.03515 243 193 37 13
616 I'm, like, hello?!? There can only be one Amazon. 1.2593 0.03923 216 175 26 15
617 You know that movie 'Groundhog Day'? 1.2591 0.03818 220 177 29 14
618 I've been waiting for my sandwich since Pangea 1.2589 0.03377 224 173 44 7
619 Trust me, alcohol is the least of my problems. 1.2587 0.03944 201 161 28 12
620 A plastic cup? You moron! 1.2586 0.03678 232 186 32 14
621 You outta ice too?” 1.2585 0.03533 236 187 37 12
622 Don’t tell me that you’re out of ice! 1.2585 0.03584 236 188 35 13
623 This really is the last shot. 1.2579 0.03522 221 173 39 9
624 On the rocks. Lots of rocks. 1.2579 0.03745 190 148 35 7
625 I just need to cool off a bit, okay? 1.2577 0.03441 260 208 37 15
626 I have people 1.2577 0.03526 260 210 33 17
627 You’d think I’d be flattered, but I just don’t want to be this hot! 1.2575 0.03509 233 184 38 11
628 What's a world supposed to do? 1.2574 0.03718 237 192 29 16
629 Is it warm in here? 1.2573 0.03419 206 158 43 5
630 ...but that's just my world view 1.2571 0.03822 210 168 30 12
631 Jeez, is everyone out of ice these days? 1.2566 0.03687 226 181 32 13
632 No more thanks, but I will come back in 24 hours 1.2565 0.03590 230 183 35 12
633 another round please 1.2563 0.03700 199 156 35 8
634 Another round. More ice; hold the CO2. 1.2558 0.03757 215 172 31 12
635 Then she called me toxic. 1.2557 0.03536 219 172 38 9
636 I’ll have my usual. 71% water, 29% terra firma 1.2557 0.03594 219 173 36 10
637 More ice and make it quick! 1.2555 0.03273 274 218 42 14
638 I swear, I’m not Gorbachev. 1.2554 0.03679 231 186 31 14
639 Keep’em coming. I’m in a world of hurt right now. 1.2553 0.03430 235 185 40 10
640 Let me tell ya,I get no respect! 1.2552 0.03178 239 184 49 6
641 Of course I'm old enough to be in here. 1.2550 0.03399 200 153 43 4
642 People say they care, but it doesn’t feel that way. 1.2549 0.03766 204 162 32 10
643 So this lady comes up and says she want to teach me how to sing. 1.2549 0.04074 204 167 22 15
644 Doctor told me that my fever is rising 1.8 degrees a year 1.2549 0.03702 204 161 34 9
645 So then I sez to him, 'Buddy, you think you've got problems...' 1.2547 0.03790 212 170 30 12
646 So, my mother was a cartographer...... 1.2546 0.03683 216 172 33 11
647 I just wanted to know where you source your ice. Mine is all melting. 1.2545 0.03462 220 172 40 8
648 I could really use an icecap. 1.2541 0.03442 244 194 38 12
649 All I can say is I tried. 1.2540 0.03321 252 199 42 11
650 Can I get the next one with extra ice? 1.2537 0.03599 201 157 37 7
651 I couldn't take the heat anymore. 1.2537 0.03458 201 155 41 5
652 Next thing I knew, Atlas shrugged. 1.2537 0.03937 205 166 26 13
653 Now that I'm a regular here, I think I deserve a concave barstool. 1.2534 0.03327 221 171 44 6
654 At first I thought it was hot flashes, but now I think it's global warming. 1.2533 0.03537 229 182 36 11
655 Is it hot in here or is it me? 1.2532 0.03548 233 186 35 12
656 It’s hard to trust someone who made you incontinent, if you get my drift. 1.2528 0.04350 178 146 19 13
657 I miss the old days, like the Ice Age. 1.2528 0.03969 178 141 29 8
658 Some call it evolution, to me it's still slime. 1.2526 0.03873 190 151 30 9
659 Have a few drinks, have a few laughs, I mean what could go wrong? 1.2524 0.03362 210 162 43 5
660 Is it true that I can get dehydrated from this? 1.2523 0.03699 214 171 32 11
661 You're kidding, right? Where am I going to find a designated driver? 1.2523 0.03653 218 174 33 11
662 Didn't help. I'm still the Blue Planet. 1.2523 0.03435 222 174 40 8
663 I've been better. 1.2522 0.03565 226 180 35 11
664 Then I said to her, "I know I was cold to you before, but I've changed!" 1.2521 0.03586 234 188 33 13
665 Women! Now at this late age, they tell me that I am hot. 1.2521 0.03553 242 195 33 14
666 Last call? I'm just warming up! 1.2520 0.03380 250 199 39 12
667 You can just close it. I don't know how much longer I'm going to be here. 1.2519 0.03217 258 203 45 10
668 Everyone just wants to go to Mars! 1.2513 0.03587 195 152 37 6
669 And… he won’t let me TOUCH the thermostat! 1.2513 0.04198 199 165 18 16
670 Sometimes I feel like I'm just going around in circles. 1.2512 0.03608 211 167 35 9
671 It’s like I’ve got the weight of a man on my shoulders. 1.2511 0.03274 219 169 45 5
672 Are you sure Atlas has not been in? He swore he would pick me up here. 1.2511 0.03650 223 179 32 12
673 And then he said i was getting too close to Venus. 1.2511 0.03139 235 181 49 5
674 Any chance you know of a good A/C technician? 1.2510 0.03219 239 186 46 7
675 I never get drunk because I'm mostly water. 1.2510 0.03142 255 199 48 8
676 For 165 million years, me and the dinosaurs had a good thing going. Then that stupid asteroid hits and the next thing I know I'm stuck with you morons! 1.2510 0.03684 259 215 23 21
677 ....And Republicans seem surprised that I'm not flat. 1.2500 0.03784 216 175 28 13
678 If you had to support eight billion people, you'd need a drink too. 1.2500 0.03892 188 150 29 9
679 Can you PLEASE turn the air on? 1.2500 0.03100 232 178 50 4
680 This is an oxygen bar, isn’t it? 1.2500 0.03330 244 193 41 10
681 Listen, I’m not flat and I do have an end! 1.2500 0.03549 216 171 36 9
682 Remember, I'm your mother. Doesn't that count for something? 1.2500 0.03279 244 192 43 9
683 You wouldn't believe the century I've had! 1.2500 0.03380 244 194 39 11
684 Gimme a highball, but hold the carbonation. 1.2500 0.03356 252 201 39 12
685 Hey! Where’d my ice go? 1.2489 0.03689 233 190 28 15
686 Can you get me another drink? I am having a world of troubles! 1.2489 0.03240 229 178 45 6
687 I swear, I'm not flat, just a little tipsy! 1.2489 0.03493 221 175 37 9
688 It's just so hard being bipolar. 1.2488 0.03748 209 168 30 11
689 I'm getting tried of being asked what in the world is going on. 1.2488 0.03748 209 168 30 11
690 Pluto's still outside asking us to buy him drinks. 1.2488 0.03511 201 157 38 6
691 These people are killing me 1.2487 0.03748 193 153 32 8
692 ...and then he MOONED me! 1.2487 0.03958 193 156 26 11
693 Ever feel like you're just going around in circles" 1.2484 0.04408 161 131 20 10
694 Here we are again, solving the world's problems. 1.2479 0.03161 238 185 47 6
695 I feel the weight of the world on my ... well, actually, all over! 1.2479 0.03573 234 189 32 13
696 I know what you’re thinking! It’s a small world after all. 1.2478 0.03766 226 185 26 15
697 Monde dieu! 1.2478 0.03202 226 175 46 5
698 Is it warming up in here…or is it me? 1.2477 0.03537 222 177 35 10
699 All agree that I'm getting hotter so why can't I attract a date? 1.2475 0.03634 202 160 34 8
700 I can't feel my legs! 1.2474 0.04265 194 162 16 16
701 “If the moon calls, tell her I’m not here.” 1.2474 0.03708 190 150 33 7
702 I have been taking care of you, please take care of me. 1.2473 0.04197 186 153 20 13
703 If only Global Warming was all I had to worry about… 1.2469 0.03366 239 190 39 10
704 Pop, Set em up before I pop! 1.2469 0.03094 239 185 49 5
705 I don't know how else to explain it. That's just the way of the world. 1.2466 0.03223 223 173 45 5
706 You’re the only one who listens to me. 1.2463 0.03481 203 159 38 6
707 No more. I'm spinning already. 1.2462 0.03714 195 155 32 8
708 I don't know what this world is coming to. 1.2454 0.03712 216 175 29 12
709 I’m anxious, stressed, I’m all over the map. 1.2449 0.03697 196 156 32 8
710 I swear, Pluto's not mine. 1.2448 0.03071 241 187 49 5
711 Keep those hurricanes coming. 1.2446 0.03191 233 182 45 6
712 Sir, I’m just boiling in here. Can you turn down the thermostat? 1.2446 0.03249 233 183 43 7
713 I don' know which way to turn. 1.2446 0.03696 184 145 33 6
714 I'm a small world after all." 1.2443 0.04128 176 143 23 10
715 I feel like I'm goin' to hell, I tell yuh. 1.2442 0.03146 258 204 45 9
716 Next thing I know, I've been mooned." 1.2442 0.04113 172 139 24 9
717 I keep telling them I’m sick. Nobody listens but you! 1.2439 0.03967 205 169 22 14
718 I wouldn’t wish my last four-billion years on anyone. 1.2439 0.03718 205 165 30 10
719 There’s no atmosphere in here. 1.2439 0.03310 205 159 42 4
720 And then she said, 'Well, just get out of the kitchen!' 1.2439 0.04159 164 132 24 8
721 This drink is making my head spin. Keep them coming. 1.2435 0.03271 230 181 42 7
722 Seriously! Plastic? 1.2434 0.03998 189 154 24 11
723 I'm over 14 billion years old. How about a little respect! 1.2431 0.03565 218 175 33 10
724 Yeah, one more please, I’m feeling kind of flat today. 1.2424 0.04225 165 134 22 9
725 Listen, it’s 5 o’ clock in this region right here. 1.2422 0.03565 223 180 32 11
726 If God calls, I'm not here. 1.2421 0.03764 190 152 30 8
727 I’m trying to reduce my bourbon footprint. 1.2421 0.04117 190 157 20 13
728 My wife and I are worlds apart. 1.2419 0.03471 215 171 36 8
729 I coulda been a star! 1.2418 0.04546 153 126 17 10
730 Is this drink getting warmer, or is it just me? 1.2418 0.03304 244 195 39 10
731 Let me tell you where it all went wrong. 1.2417 0.03287 240 191 40 9
732 I threw it all at them: record-hot summers, wildfires, earthquakes, volcanos, floods, oversized hurricanes - yet people still won't listen. 1.2415 0.03991 207 172 20 15
733 When does the priest and the rabbi show up? 1.2414 0.03069 232 180 48 4
734 ...I can't seem to stop moving in the same old circles. 1.2414 0.03799 203 165 27 11
735 Well, it's Earth Day somewhere. 1.2414 0.03734 203 164 29 10
736 Then to cap it all, Atlas left me, 1.2411 0.03377 224 178 38 8
737 They want me to drink methane too! 1.2410 0.04103 195 162 19 14
738 Weight of the world? I am the world! 1.2410 0.03696 195 156 31 8
739 But why can't they treat me like I'm irreplaceable? 1.2410 0.03258 249 199 40 10
740 Better make it a double, global warming is a bitch! 1.2409 0.03594 220 178 31 11
741 Global warming has really got me down 1.2409 0.03229 220 172 43 5
742 Do you know what it’s like going around in circles 24 hours a day 1.2408 0.04230 191 160 16 15
743 Don't you think I know that I'm a hot mess? 1.2406 0.03804 212 174 25 13
744 Club soda, please. I'm already polluted. 1.2404 0.03794 208 170 26 12
745 Ok, but it better be Earth shattering. 1.2402 0.03448 204 161 37 6
746 What time does happy hour begin? 1.2402 0.03115 254 201 45 8
747 Is it just me or is the room spinning? 1.2400 0.03883 175 140 28 7
748 Do you have a plastic straw? 1.2400 0.03962 200 165 22 13
749 She keeps acting like everything revolves around her. 1.2400 0.03561 200 159 34 7
750 I’m through letting people walk all over me. 1.2400 0.03631 200 160 32 8
751 Sure, I love the moon, but sometimes I need a little space. 1.2396 0.03442 217 173 36 8
752 Bartender, ice please, it's way too hot in here. 1.2396 0.03564 217 175 32 10
753 The world keeps changing: it’s sphere today, gone tomorrow. 1.2394 0.03608 213 172 31 10
754 Could I get some Ice please? I need to cool down! 1.2394 0.03780 188 151 29 8
755 An order of ozone, please! 1.2393 0.03598 234 192 28 14
756 Whoa, the room is spinning! Oh wait, that’s me. 1.2393 0.04337 163 134 19 10
757 Maybe they’ll all have to move to Mars — unfortunately for Mars. 1.2391 0.03589 230 188 29 13
758 Wow, where in the world do I start? 1.2391 0.03910 184 149 26 9
759 Could I have some water please? Doc says that my condition is worsening. 1.2390 0.04228 159 129 22 8
760 You're right. I've had enough. 1.2389 0.03351 226 180 38 8
761 I am thinking about leaving the galaxy. 1.2389 0.03170 226 177 44 5
762 No ice? C'mon man, I'm burning up here 1.2388 0.03816 201 164 26 11
763 You don't have any ice either? 1.2388 0.03615 201 161 32 8
764 Are you sure this is 97% salt water? 1.2387 0.03266 222 175 41 6
765 You don’t know what it’s like having the weight of the world on your shoulders. 1.2386 0.03662 197 158 31 8
766 And then she said, “I’m Venus and I can spin by myself.” 1.2385 0.03724 218 179 26 13
767 Hey, barkeep! I need more ice! 1.2385 0.03549 218 176 32 10
768 I've been diagnosed as bipolar years ago 1.2385 0.03493 239 195 31 13
769 I'll have another - anything to make me forget all the hot flashes lately. 1.2381 0.03700 210 171 28 11
770 I should have just been a moon. 1.2381 0.03170 210 163 44 3
771 I am dying. Make it a double 1.2379 0.03277 206 161 41 4
772 She says I am flat 1.2377 0.03493 223 180 33 10
773 It's warm here 1.2372 0.03054 215 166 47 2
774 No ice. Hilarious 1.2371 0.03508 232 189 31 12
775 And then she called me geocentric...can you believe that? 1.2370 0.03623 211 171 30 10
776 I need Love, Sweet, Love. 1.2368 0.03744 190 153 29 8
777 Next round, as always, is on me. 1.2367 0.04048 169 137 24 8
778 Well, if you think you've got it rough, come live in my world for a day. 1.2365 0.03782 203 166 26 11
779 And then she said I could be hotter 1.2365 0.04032 203 170 18 15
780 You'd drink too if all you ever heard all day was, "Hey, small world." 1.2364 0.04374 165 137 17 11
781 Maybe if I get totally drunk people will fall off of me and I will feel better. 1.2364 0.04022 165 133 25 7
782 Where in the world am I? 1.2362 0.03629 199 160 31 8
783 People suck. 1.2358 0.03729 212 174 26 12
784 What happened to the priest and rabbi I walked in with? 1.2358 0.03729 212 174 26 12
785 What’s a World gotta do to get some service around here? 1.2358 0.03144 212 165 44 3
786 I used to have hair on the back too, but now look at me! 1.2358 0.03214 212 166 42 4
787 Keep it full until I start spinning. 1.2356 0.04130 174 143 21 10
788 She said I wasn't down-to-earth enough. 1.2356 0.03589 208 168 31 9
789 And then they invented plastic! 1.2353 0.03447 221 178 34 9
790 They're walking all over me, I tell ya. 1.2353 0.03853 187 152 26 9
791 Whadja put in this? My head's spinning!!! 1.2350 0.03374 234 189 35 10
792 Excuse me, is this organic. 1.2350 0.03548 217 176 31 10
793 Apparently,Retirement isn’t an option……. 1.2350 0.03488 217 175 33 9
794 Hey this is a Hurricane. I asked for a Sea Breeze. 1.2350 0.03750 200 163 27 10
795 I’m telling you this drink is flat - not me! 1.2350 0.04205 183 153 17 13
796 I drink because I have Venus envy. 1.2347 0.03653 213 174 28 11
797 I'm in a world of trouble, you have no idea. 1.2347 0.03660 196 158 30 8
798 Do me a favor and stop saying 'small world.' 1.2347 0.03439 196 155 36 5
799 Mind adjusting AC? I’m a bit too warm. 1.2344 0.03508 209 168 33 8
800 So, I just found out I have humans. 1.2344 0.03573 209 169 31 9
801 I need a stiff drink. I'm having a meltdown. 1.2344 0.03709 192 155 29 8
802 May I have some ice? I feel a bit warm. 1.2344 0.03709 192 155 29 8
803 I”m not flat but I’m flat broke. 1.2341 0.03552 205 165 32 8
804 I can't abide these hot flashes anymore. 1.2340 0.03079 235 185 45 5
805 I'm 4.5 billion years old, and you're still going to card me?! 1.2340 0.04996 141 120 9 12
806 They keep calling me flat...do I look flat to you? 1.2339 0.04091 171 140 22 9
807 Do you really want to know or are you just being polite? 1.2337 0.03966 184 151 23 10
808 I used to be a big star. 1.2335 0.04069 167 136 23 8
809 I'll have the continental breakfast. 1.2335 0.04156 167 137 21 9
810 I had my choice of planets, Neptune, Saturn or any of them. But no I had to choose Earth. You'd be drinking too. 1.2335 0.03424 197 156 36 5
811 I'm not drunk, it's my continental drift. 1.2335 0.03644 197 159 30 8
812 My children give me Earth Day, but what about the rest of the year? 1.2333 0.03868 180 146 26 8
813 I just can't get away from it all. 1.2331 0.04314 163 135 18 10
814 I’m drunk off my axis.” “Where is the restroom? Gotta go drain the ole south pole 1.2331 0.03454 236 193 31 12
815 So get this, she's like, "You're not cool anymore." 1.2330 0.04007 176 144 23 9
816 You would think they'd respect their "Mother" 1.2330 0.04166 176 146 19 11
817 So then then, Zeus was like I gotta punish Atlas. So he's gonna carry you everywhere. Have you smelled that guy? Tell me who's getting punished here? 1.2330 0.03925 176 143 25 8
818 I need new ownership but the Aliens won't make an offer! 1.2328 0.04032 189 157 20 12
819 Trust me, it's half empty. 1.2327 0.03649 202 164 29 9
820 Can you tell me what a hand basket looks like? 1.2327 0.03846 202 167 23 12
821 It feels like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders 1.2326 0.03438 215 173 34 8
822 Who is this “Gorbachev?” 1.2326 0.03810 172 138 28 6
823 I'm going bald too! 1.2324 0.03946 185 152 23 10
824 Oh no, I just sat on a pole. 1.2324 0.03871 185 151 25 9
825 …so she says ‘ you my friend live in a world of your own’… 1.2323 0.04560 155 130 14 11
826 Is there a carbon credit for not ordering ice? 1.2321 0.04219 168 139 19 10
827 Could I get a little more ice? 1.2321 0.03958 168 136 25 7
828 I don't care what you give me, just give it a lot of ice. 1.2320 0.03768 181 146 28 7
829 I need to cut about 8 billion people out of my life. Then I'll begin to feel normal again. 1.2318 0.04249 151 123 21 7
830 Lately I've been feeling kinda flat. 1.2318 0.04646 151 127 13 11
831 The reason I drink so much is because I’m bipolar. 1.2316 0.04144 177 147 19 11
832 I’m telling ya man, there’s these little things crawling all over me! 1.2315 0.03486 216 175 32 9
833 Of course I worry about arms control. 1.2312 0.03698 186 150 29 7
834 You're wrong! This is your last call! 1.2312 0.03852 186 152 25 9
835 My hot flashes are getting worse and worse every year! 1.2312 0.03816 199 164 24 11
836 I really just need Water. 1.2311 0.03507 225 184 30 11
837 My doctor said I am way too old for hot flashes so something else is causing all of these problems. 1.2308 0.03414 234 191 32 11
838 I need ice, and hurry, please! 1.2308 0.03467 234 192 30 12
839 Another one for the road? 1.2308 0.03370 221 178 35 8
840 Could you please turn down the thermostat? 1.2308 0.04152 156 127 22 7
841 How many times do I gotta tell you this? IM HOT! 1.2304 0.03397 230 187 33 10
842 Why can't you see my point? 1.2304 0.03396 191 151 36 4
843 I've tried wildfires, hurricanes, earthquakes...and I still can't get the humans to leave. 1.2303 0.04045 178 147 21 10
844 I'm a glass half full kind of guy, but this is ridiculous. 1.2303 0.03885 178 145 25 8
845 I may seem more worldly, but I'm really just depressed. 1.2303 0.03885 178 145 25 8
846 It wasn’t a conference after all. It was an intervention! Mars, Venus…everyone said I’ve changed and not for the better. 1.2303 0.04199 178 149 17 12
847 If a young Swedish girl calls I'm not here. 1.2303 0.04179 165 136 20 9
848 No more for me. I'm already spinning! 1.2301 0.03493 226 185 30 11
849 When I stop drinking I feel like I'm covered with bugs. 1.2300 0.03318 213 170 37 6
850 I know...they think I'm bigger. 1.2300 0.03524 200 161 32 7
851 I'll have large cup of COOLADE! 1.2300 0.03452 200 160 34 6
852 Yeah, you try it for an eon or two. 1.2297 0.03357 222 179 35 8
853 Can I get an ice age? 1.2297 0.03424 209 168 34 7
854 Can I get all of your ice? 1.2295 0.03699 244 207 18 19
855 I feel like I just keep going around in circles." 1.2294 0.03518 218 178 30 10
856 Sam, how would you feel if 20 times a day you heard someone say you're going to Hell? 1.2292 0.04593 144 120 15 9
857 I bet you never run out of ice! 1.2291 0.03866 179 146 25 8
858 If you stopped serving meat I'd have a chance 1.2290 0.03099 214 168 43 3
859 With ice. 1.2289 0.04243 166 138 18 10
860 My son thinks everything revolves around him. 1.2289 0.04156 166 137 20 9
861 Yeah, it's been all downhill for me since Atlas shrugged... 1.2287 0.03740 188 153 27 8
862 Actually, it's last call for you. 1.2287 0.04032 188 157 19 12
863 So I keep having hot flashes like I’m on fire, and then I’m freezing cold and no one will listen to me! 1.2286 0.03541 210 171 30 9
864 Tell me. How do you cope with losing your polar cap? 1.2284 0.03765 197 162 25 10
865 I just can't believe Jimmy Buffet died. 1.2280 0.03886 193 160 22 11
866 'I'll have a Dark and Stormy 1.2278 0.04297 158 131 18 9
867 Make it a double. I gave Atlas the day off and my feet are killing me. 1.2278 0.03419 180 142 35 3
868 The Moon hasn't spoken to me in six million years. 1.2277 0.03631 202 165 28 9
869 This drink isn't carbonated, is it? 1.2277 0.03698 202 166 26 10
870 I’m gonna need, like, waaay more ice in this. 1.2276 0.04564 145 121 15 9
871 Excuse me? Would you mind turning on the air conditioning? 1.2275 0.03870 189 156 23 10
872 Yes, I started on “As the World Turns” years ago but the network did didn’t renew my contract. It’s earth-shattering really. 1.2275 0.03645 189 153 29 7
873 I just feel like this guy has the weight of me on his shoulders... 1.2275 0.03070 233 185 43 5
874 And why is Earth Day in April? My birthday is in September. 1.2273 0.03985 176 145 22 9
875 Yes a hurricane ... but in a pilsner glass. I don't need any more trouble. 1.2271 0.03635 207 170 27 10
876 I just get this feeling no one will ever really know what's at my core. 1.2270 0.03695 185 150 28 7
877 I feel like they're crawling all over me 1.2270 0.04017 163 133 23 7
878 Sir, you don’t understand. If I don’t continue drinking, I will stop spinning. 1.2267 0.03961 172 141 23 8
879 Right! My hairline too! 1.2266 0.03681 203 167 26 10
880 Do you ever feel like your just going around in circles? 1.2266 0.03334 203 162 36 5
881 Honestly, do I look like I'm under twenty-one? 1.2265 0.03906 181 149 23 9
882 I go from burning up to freezing, unexpected tremors and winds, can't cultivate anything and these tenants who think they can help me, when they're the problem. 1.2265 0.04135 181 152 17 12
883 No one understands me. 1.2265 0.03311 181 142 37 2
884 Got any icecaps? 1.2263 0.03628 190 154 29 7
885 First my hair turned white, now it is all falling out. 1.2263 0.03307 190 150 37 3
886 Nice atmosphere you got here. 1.2263 0.03778 190 156 25 9
887 Wake up. Spin. Go to sleep. Spin. I gotta get another job. 1.2262 0.04023 168 138 22 8
888 Yeah, I was the source for drilling all that oil, but it was never my idea to burn it! 1.2261 0.03661 199 163 27 9
889 It is really hot in here or is it just me? 1.2261 0.03492 230 190 28 12
890 My shrink tells me I should worry less. My troubles will soon be over. 1.2260 0.03421 208 168 33 7
891 And you really believe that someday there will be a happy hour again? 1.2258 0.03515 186 149 32 5
892 What do you mean, “How’s the world been treating you?“ 1.2258 0.03907 186 154 22 10
893 I keep getting this warming sensation. 1.2258 0.03597 186 150 30 6
894 I KNOW I look hot! 1.2258 0.03980 186 155 20 11
895 I feel flushed, do I look flushed? 1.2254 0.03854 173 141 25 7
896 THIS motherfucker… 1.2254 0.03857 213 180 18 15
897 Oh Atlantis? My derm said it was suspicious, had it scraped. 1.2253 0.03727 182 148 27 7
898 Hard to date when you’re constantly on the move. 1.2253 0.03808 182 149 25 8
899 What in the world is happening to me...? 1.2251 0.03761 191 157 25 9
900 My ice keeps melting. 1.2250 0.03176 240 194 38 8
901 She's about one quarter my size, pocked marked with craters, but reflects light in a lovely romantic way. Have you seen her? 1.2249 0.04088 169 140 20 9
902 Look, I'm 4 1/2 billion years old and these 315,000 year old brats think they own the place. Give me a double! 1.2247 0.03944 178 147 22 9
903 Can I get this decarbonated? 1.2247 0.04102 178 149 18 11
904 Whatever, it's not like it's the end of the world. 1.2247 0.03231 227 183 37 7
905 You gave me neat, I said over. 1.2246 0.04033 187 157 18 12
906 I still miss the Ice Age. 1.2246 0.03498 187 150 32 5
907 My ex was the best...very religious...looked at me like I was only 5,000 1.2245 0.03693 196 161 26 9
908 I'm so hot I'm gonna need an ice age to cool off! 1.2242 0.04154 165 137 19 9
909 This job isn't what it used to be. 1.2241 0.04004 174 144 21 9
910 He said it like a “globalist” is a bad thing. 1.2240 0.03627 183 148 29 6
911 Please take my keys—the room is spinning. 1.2239 0.03559 201 164 29 8
912 My head is spinning 1.2238 0.03391 210 170 33 7
913 More water! 1.2237 0.03426 219 179 31 9
914 Beware…the end is near! 1.2237 0.04298 152 126 18 8
915 And then they keep drilling holes in me. In unspeakable places. 1.2236 0.03465 237 197 27 13
916 I feel like I got my own weight on my shoulders! 1.2235 0.03980 170 140 22 8
917 If the future calls, tell it I’m not here. 1.2235 0.04066 170 141 20 9
918 My life's one disaster after another! 1.2235 0.03676 179 145 28 6
919 I need a cold drink that's not carbonated. 1.2235 0.03590 179 144 30 5
920 I take the same route every day but today he decides to pull me over. Tells me I’m going almost 1,000 miles per hour. 1.2234 0.03458 197 159 32 6
921 After all I've done for them, is it too much to ask for a little respect? 1.2234 0.03532 197 160 30 7
922 Sure, I'd love to leave the Solar System, but I don't think you understand the gravity of the situation. 1.2230 0.04479 148 124 15 9
923 What about a round for me? 1.2230 0.04375 148 123 17 8
924 Sometimes I feel like a jigsaw puzzle with a few pieces missing. 1.2229 0.04200 157 130 19 8
925 Is it just me or is it warm in here? 1.2229 0.03983 175 145 21 9
926 And then, before I knew it, the jerk had me on a string and started singing about it. It was horrible, horrible. 1.2227 0.03264 229 186 35 8
927 I feel the earth move under my feet 1.2222 0.03572 180 145 30 5
928 Mind if I ask if any people ruined your life? 1.2222 0.03658 180 146 28 6
929 Do you ever feel like you're carrying the weight of the world? 1.2222 0.04066 153 125 22 6
930 It ain't right Gus. After four billion years together Mother Nature packs up and moves in with her sister in Jersey. 1.2222 0.03824 180 148 24 8
931 She was the most beautiful world in the world. 1.2217 0.03663 203 168 25 10
932 Can you find a Manhattan? 1.2216 0.03829 185 153 23 9
933 Why do people call me the blue planet? I can be happy! 1.2216 0.03708 176 143 27 6
934 A birthmark, no, that's South America. 1.2216 0.03795 176 144 25 7
935 If Venus calls, tell her I’m not here. 1.2216 0.04123 176 148 17 11
936 The world needs something but the man just stands there 1.2215 0.04271 158 132 17 9
937 Hey, I'm melting over here. 1.2212 0.03333 208 168 34 6
938 No ice? 1.2212 0.03402 208 169 32 7
939 Could I have more ice? 1.2212 0.03402 208 169 32 7
940 How could I possibly be flat? It's so annoying. 1.2211 0.03846 199 167 20 12
941 I know its crazy, but I am in love with Exxon and Greta Thunberg. 1.2211 0.03903 190 159 20 11
942 Pardon me, is the room spinning or is it just me? 1.2210 0.03640 181 147 28 6
943 Last call, it's only 2023?! 1.2209 0.03850 172 141 24 7
944 If I hear " It's a small world" one more time, I'm gonna burst. 1.2209 0.04023 172 143 20 9
945 For me it's one revolution after another. 1.2209 0.03990 163 134 22 7
946 Another frozen mojito, please ... and could you turn the AC down one-and-a-half degrees Celsius? 1.2208 0.04247 154 128 18 8
947 I don’t just have the world on my shoulders; I am the world. 1.2207 0.03282 213 172 35 6
948 Climate Change, the War in Ukraine, Donald Trump, Hell yes!!!! I’m having a double ‘cause it’s five o’clock all over me! 1.2206 0.03580 204 168 27 9
949 And then they say they're leaving me like I'm the problem! 1.2204 0.03574 186 151 29 6
950 Turns out we were polar opposites -- literally. 1.2204 0.03733 186 153 25 8
951 She thinks my life revolves around hers. 1.2204 0.03492 186 150 31 5
952 What's my poison? Humans. 1.2203 0.03860 177 146 23 8
953 Does it look like it's receding? 1.2201 0.04151 159 132 19 8
954 Do you get my continental drift? 1.2201 0.03387 209 170 32 7
955 Just hand me the bottle. I'm always five o'clock somewhere. 1.2201 0.03649 209 174 24 11
956 My people don’t understand me! 1.2200 0.04322 150 125 17 8
957 Do you know what it is like to have the world's problems? 1.2200 0.03484 200 163 30 7
958 Don't ask about Madonna's World Tour! 1.2199 0.03740 191 158 24 9
959 So, a grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender say, "we've got a drink named after you". The grasshopper replies, "you've got a drink called, 'Tom'? 1.2198 0.04311 182 157 10 15
960 So I told her, ‘You knew this when you married me… I’ve always been bipolar.’ 1.2198 0.03786 182 150 24 8
961 They never ever ask how I feel...and the things they say! 1.2197 0.03917 173 143 22 8
962 She was my sun, my moon and all my stars but then she left me 1.2197 0.04002 173 144 20 9
963 I've had all I can take. 1.2196 0.03334 214 174 33 7
964 I used to be a ball of fun, now some say I'm just a square. 1.2196 0.03131 214 171 39 4
965 Is this tap water? 1.2194 0.03181 237 193 36 8
966 Man, it’s hot out there! 1.2194 0.03453 196 159 31 6
967 Can I get more ice, please? I'm burning up over here. 1.2194 0.03453 196 159 31 6
968 You people drive me to drink.” 1.2193 0.03637 187 153 27 7
969 Humans? Oh my god, they're such mean children. 1.2192 0.03018 219 174 42 3
970 Last call? Tell me about it... 1.2192 0.04291 146 121 18 7
971 So then I’m like, “Sunny! It’s not like the whole world revolves around YOU.” 1.2191 0.03840 178 147 23 8
972 What’s happened to the atmosphere in this place? 1.2189 0.03977 169 140 21 8
973 Whaddya mean, the ice machine is busted? 1.2188 0.03722 192 159 24 9
974 It’s not the heat, it’s the human idiocy! 1.2188 0.03795 192 160 22 10
975 Every day is Earth Day on this barstool, Fred. 1.2184 0.03981 174 145 20 9
976 The wife says I’m in my own world. 1.2184 0.03632 174 141 28 5
977 Atlas left me. 1.2182 0.03852 165 135 24 6
978 The ice in my glass keeps melting. 1.2182 0.03270 220 179 34 7
979 I was a relatively temperate planet for so long. Now I'm wasted. 1.2181 0.03285 243 201 31 11
980 Got anything to cool me down? 1.2181 0.03773 188 156 23 9
981 It’s a wonderful world, it’s a wonderful world…how many times a day is that song played…??” “Do you know the pressure I’m under??? 1.2181 0.03697 188 155 25 8
982 If it weren't for this place, I'd erupt a lot more often. 1.2181 0.03290 188 150 35 3
983 Do you know what it's like to have things crawling on you all the time? 1.2181 0.03620 188 154 27 7
984 Venus swiped left. 1.2180 0.03679 211 177 22 12
985 Make it a lite beer. Gettin’ a bit large around the equator. 1.2179 0.03476 179 144 31 4
986 You don't have to tell me we're out of ice! 1.2179 0.03820 179 148 23 8
987 The astrophysicist? She left me John, said she got tired of me acting like the center of the universe. 1.2179 0.03981 179 150 19 10
988 I used to be the center of the solar system and look at me now! 1.2177 0.04373 147 123 16 8
989 No rest for the weary Charlie. They got me working 24/7. 1.2176 0.03682 170 138 27 5
990 Evolve! I should 've stopped with the chimps. 1.2176 0.03866 170 140 23 7
991 Everyone I talk with seems so unworldly! 1.2176 0.03866 170 140 23 7
992 Can you turn down the heat? It’s like a greenhouse in here. 1.2176 0.03705 193 160 24 9
993 Let's slow down, I'm burning up. 1.2174 0.03502 184 149 30 5
994 I just turned 4.5 billion and my life is still going in circles!” 1.2171 0.03703 175 143 26 6
995 What do you mean you're running low on ice? 1.2171 0.03613 175 142 28 5
996 Gimme anything on ice. 1.2171 0.03876 175 145 22 8
997 I can order beer in 140 languages. 1.2171 0.03876 175 145 22 8
998 It's brutal out there. 1.2170 0.03207 212 171 36 5
999 If Venus calls, I was never here. 1.2168 0.04227 143 118 19 6
1000 One small drink for me and a large one for the end of mankind! 1.2168 0.04109 143 117 21 5
1001 I feel like I’m spinning. 1.2167 0.03218 203 163 36 4
1002 Kids! They never listen! 1.2167 0.04039 180 152 17 11
1003 There was room for ice. 1.2167 0.03275 180 143 35 2
1004 Even when I'm sober, it feels like I'm spinning. 1.2166 0.04073 157 130 20 7
1005 You don’t know the half of it. 1.2165 0.03539 194 159 28 7
1006 Call me old fashioned but I prefer it with ice. 1.2164 0.04414 134 111 17 6
1007 And then I dreamed they were crawling all over me and buzzing around me and...it was just awful. 1.2162 0.03884 185 155 20 10
1008 Do you know how hard it is to find signs of intelligent life around here? 1.2162 0.03650 185 152 26 7
1009 I don't know what happened. I used to be so much more together. 1.2160 0.03889 162 133 23 6
1010 I think this place needs a bit more atmosphere. 1.2159 0.03856 176 146 22 8
1011 I'm just tired of being toxic. 1.2159 0.03684 176 144 26 6
1012 Why in the world do I remind you of Gorbachev? 1.2158 0.04653 139 118 12 9
1013 At first I didn’t think the Dinosaurs had anything to worry about; I couldn’t have been more wrong. 1.2158 0.04653 139 118 12 9
1014 Do you have anything stronger? I’m already 70% water.. 1.2158 0.03737 190 158 23 9
1015 I’m always at war with myself 1.2158 0.03662 190 157 25 8
1016 After all I've done for them, they're making plans to leave me for Mars. 1.2158 0.03585 190 156 27 7
1017 This is the kind of atmosphere I've been needing. 1.2157 0.03423 204 167 30 7
1018 Everything’s inflamed - or maybe it’s just plaque psoriasis. 1.2157 0.03278 204 165 34 5
1019 Do you have any idea where this goes? 1.2157 0.03204 204 164 36 4
1020 Another Atlantic Ocean please! 1.2157 0.04344 153 129 15 9
1021 If anyone in the solar system calls, I'm not here. 1.2156 0.03714 167 136 26 5
1022 It’s enough to make your head spin 1.2155 0.03941 181 152 19 10
1023 Believe it or not, I've got a world of problems. 1.2155 0.03700 181 149 25 7
1024 No, I'll just nurse this one for a few millenia 'till I cool off a bit. 1.2155 0.03782 181 150 23 8
1025 I've sent them Floods, Droughts, Hurricanes, Cyclones, Earthquakes and still they just don't get it! 1.2154 0.03447 195 159 30 6
1026 Can you make it stronger? I'm 70% water. 1.2151 0.03999 172 144 19 9
1027 Water straight up. No ice. 1.2151 0.03632 186 153 26 7
1028 Do I look mad, mad, mad, mad to you?" 1.2148 0.04319 149 125 16 8
1029 No more Fireballs. 1.2147 0.03768 163 133 25 5
1030 I won't be mostly water for long. Keep em coming. 1.2147 0.03768 163 133 25 5
1031 One scotch I’m a shining orb. Two? I’m a sweaty, overweight globule. 1.2147 0.03665 177 145 26 6
1032 I haven't been clean in years! 1.2147 0.03836 177 147 22 8
1033 When we first met, she thought the world of me. 1.2143 0.03507 196 161 28 7
1034 Gotta roll. See you same time tomorrow. 1.2143 0.04218 154 129 17 8
1035 On top of that I have plate tectonics. 1.2139 0.03615 187 154 26 7
1036 Do you want to go rotate after this? 1.2139 0.03534 187 153 28 6
1037 I miss the Middle Ages. 1.2139 0.03192 187 149 36 2
1038 Got anything for a fever? 1.2139 0.03716 173 142 25 6
1039 Between the world conflicts, wild fires, and flooding conditions, I needed a drink! 1.2139 0.03893 173 144 21 8
1040 I will drink to death rather than burn to death 1.2139 0.03893 173 144 21 8
1041 Why do people walk all over me? 1.2138 0.03938 145 118 23 4
1042 You look in the mirror one morning and realise you’re 4 billion years old. 1.2137 0.04469 131 109 16 6
1043 "With extra ice. 1.2136 0.03377 220 182 29 9
1044 Man, you should've seen me in my glory days. I was hot once! Well, cold... 1.2135 0.03551 192 158 27 7
1045 I have enough water as it is. 1.2135 0.03646 178 146 26 6
1046 I need some attention, Man!!! 1.2134 0.03845 164 135 23 6
1047 I’ve been dry for a long time. 1.2134 0.04035 164 137 19 8
1048 You think you have troubles! I'll be Andromeda dust in just 5 billion years. 1.2132 0.03416 197 161 30 6
1049 Being hot isn't all it's cracked up to be. 1.2132 0.03636 197 164 24 9
1050 I just feel like I've got the weight of humanity on my shoulders, you know? 1.2131 0.03823 183 153 21 9
1051 Yes, mamas, babies, brothers, sisters. We were ALL in his hands! 1.2131 0.03663 183 151 25 7
1052 No one's listening 1.2131 0.03580 183 150 27 6
1053 Do you have anything for fever? 1.2129 0.03360 202 165 31 6
1054 Make it another double; I've got the weight of the world on my shoulders. 1.2128 0.03597 188 155 26 7
1055 How on earth did I end up like this? 1.2126 0.03378 207 170 30 7
1056 Worse than that…She says I’m flat. 1.2126 0.03446 207 171 28 8
1057 My moon has a dark side. 1.2125 0.03589 160 129 28 3
1058 I’m gonna need more ice. 1.2125 0.04288 160 136 14 10
1059 And then I said, 'How funny it that we both know Jimmy?' And she was like, 'I KNOW. Small world!' 1.2125 0.04003 160 133 20 7
1060 I feel so rejected with everyone trying to visit the moon and Mars. 1.2125 0.04468 160 138 10 12
1061 You know, it's just ... I feel like I have the weight of a man on my shoulders. 1.2124 0.03534 193 159 27 7
1062 Is the bar spinning or is it just me? 1.2123 0.04260 146 122 17 7
1063 Trust me, I’m dying. I may be bipolar but I’m not crazy. 1.2123 0.04260 146 122 17 7
1064 I’ll be back in the same spot tomorrow. 1.2123 0.03664 146 117 27 2
1065 Sometimes it just feels like people are against me. 1.2123 0.03797 179 149 22 8
1066 My kids. Ugh! What can I say? 1.2123 0.04037 179 152 16 11
1067 My doctor says it’s terminal. 1.2121 0.03522 165 133 29 3
1068 I get no respect! 1.2121 0.04104 165 139 17 9
1069 This is half empty. I asked for half full. 1.2121 0.03246 198 160 34 4
1070 My round 1.2120 0.03725 184 153 23 8
1071 Yeah, me too. I’ve had nothing but complaints all day.” 1.2120 0.03303 184 148 33 3
1072 I feel like I’ve just been going in circles. 1.2120 0.03392 184 149 31 4
1073 Do you ever feel like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders? 1.2120 0.03303 184 148 33 3
1074 Is it too much to ask for a little Novocain before all the drilling? 1.2119 0.04161 151 126 18 7
1075 Man, do I appreciate the AC in this place. 1.2119 0.04161 151 126 18 7
1076 Just make it look like we're talking - Pluto's here. 1.2116 0.03734 189 158 22 9
1077 No, I don't want another Hurricane. 1.2116 0.03580 189 156 26 7
1078 Then she said she’s worldly wise. 1.2115 0.03222 208 169 34 5
1079 And, don't even get me started on where Atlas was holding his hands 1.2115 0.03965 156 129 21 6
1080 When I said “top me off” I didn’t mean with fossil fuels. 1.2115 0.04068 156 130 19 7
1081 I'm bipolar and I'm having a meltdown. 1.2115 0.03860 156 128 23 5
1082 Then make it a double, the way things are going it's last call for both of us. 1.2114 0.03587 175 143 27 5
1083 I am so lonely since Pluto went away. 1.2114 0.03936 175 147 19 9
1084 I thought this would help, but I’m still spinning. 1.2114 0.04358 123 101 18 4
1085 I think it's time for me to move 1.2113 0.03115 194 155 37 2
1086 Can I get a little more ice? 1.2113 0.04220 142 118 18 6
1087 No one listens to me anymore! 1.2111 0.03609 180 148 26 6
1088 The moon said she's leaving me. 1.2111 0.03694 180 149 24 7
1089 If Mars is for men and Venus is for women, who am I stuck with? 1.2111 0.03694 180 149 24 7
1090 Would you have one of those swivel chairs? I'm trying to work remotely. 1.2111 0.03150 180 143 36 1
1091 Lots more ice in my next one. I have to cool off fast. 1.2111 0.03385 199 163 30 6
1092 Another round! (Thomas Nestos, 13 years old) 1.2111 0.03602 199 166 24 9
1093 I came here hoping for a better atmosphere. 1.2111 0.03602 199 166 24 9
1094 I just need to cool down, yah know? 1.2108 0.03706 166 136 25 5
1095 Life hasn't been worth living since Atlas shrugged..... 1.2108 0.03545 185 152 27 6
1096 You’re 70% water, too - don’t you get thirsty? 1.2108 0.03473 204 169 27 8
1097 I feel like I'm just stuck in this empty void 1.2105 0.04136 152 127 18 7
1098 Make it a double. Mercury's in retrograde! 1.2105 0.04136 152 127 18 7
1099 My life revolves around her, do you know what I mean!?! 1.2105 0.04441 152 130 12 10
1100 How am I doing?! Hot flashes. Bipolar disorder. Night sweats. Abandonment issues. I'll stop there. And you? 1.2105 0.04136 152 127 18 7
1101 It's yolk stain. I tried to catch poor Humpty when he took that great fall. 1.2103 0.02870 214 170 43 1
1102 I feel as if the weight of me is on my shoulders. 1.2100 0.03443 200 165 28 7
1103 ``Frank, I don't even recognize myself anymore.'' 1.2100 0.03369 200 164 30 6
1104 Tell her I’m still in orbit. 1.2100 0.03369 200 164 30 6
1105 i keep getting these hot flashes 1.2099 0.03416 181 147 30 4
1106 Believe me, everything was fine until the Humans arrived. 1.2099 0.03760 162 133 24 5
1107 Just something cold, anything! 1.2098 0.04309 143 120 16 7
1108 And the whole 'Pluto' thing wasn't even my fault! 1.2098 0.04074 143 118 20 5
1109 I get blamed for everything. 1.2097 0.03528 186 153 27 6
1110 Whaddya got to cool me down? 1.2097 0.03767 186 156 21 9
1111 And then he says "Don't go changing", like it's up to me! 1.2096 0.02966 229 185 40 4
1112 Can I get some ice? I'm running out 1.2096 0.03877 167 139 21 7
1113 Can I get something on the rocks? 1.2096 0.03877 167 139 21 7
1114 After this past week, I’d like to be 70% whiskey. 1.2095 0.04096 148 123 19 6
1115 Don't stop until I'm 71% vodka. 1.2095 0.04096 148 123 19 6
1116 I swear Joe, it's like they don't even care! 1.2094 0.03387 191 156 30 5
1117 The giant oil corporations and the filthy bootlick pols who serve them are out to end me and I gladly, at least when I'm high, accept that challenge. 1.2093 0.04224 172 148 12 12
1118 Sometimes I feel like I have the whole world on my shoulders... 1.2093 0.03476 215 180 25 10
1119 I’m feeling flat. Can I get another round? 1.2092 0.04005 153 127 20 6
1120 Joe,I had the world on a string 1.2090 0.03727 177 147 23 7
1121 I miss the good-old days when I was Gaia. 1.2090 0.03640 177 146 25 6
1122 Another round. 1.2090 0.04247 134 111 18 5
1123 I swear I am over 21 years old. 1.2090 0.03279 201 164 32 5
1124 God, it’s been a rough full rotation.” 1.2090 0.03499 201 167 26 8
1125 Everything was great for 4 1/2 billion years. 1.2090 0.04247 134 111 18 5
1126 It's been a long day. Make it a double!" 1.2088 0.03657 182 151 24 7
1127 And she said I meant the world to her. 1.2088 0.03740 182 152 22 8
1128 You don't really believe I'm flat, do you? 1.2088 0.03740 182 152 22 8
1129 You think you've seen some fucked up humans... 1.2086 0.04031 163 137 18 8
1130 I swear I only drink this much when I’m overheated 1.2086 0.03936 163 136 20 7
1131 Just call me Mother. 1.2086 0.03748 187 157 21 9
1132 Can you line up another couple of cold ones? 1.2086 0.03748 187 157 21 9
1133 no matter what i do, i can't seem to shake this fever 1.2083 0.03762 168 139 23 6
1134 Do you think I'm hot? 1.2083 0.03927 144 118 22 4
1135 I'll have another shot of carbon dioxide 1.2083 0.04167 144 120 18 6
1136 No matter what you give me, my head just keeps spinning. 1.2083 0.03856 168 140 21 7
1137 I’m looking for a girl that’s down to earth. 1.2081 0.03868 173 145 20 8
1138 I've got a story you ought to know. 1.2081 0.03958 149 123 21 5
1139 You think you had it bad. I had to deal with an ice age, and now global warming. 1.2079 0.03532 178 146 27 5
1140 I'm dying for some ice. 1.2079 0.03956 178 151 17 10
1141 Did you just say "Last call?" 1.2079 0.03532 178 146 27 5
1142 Used to be being earthy was a good thing 1.2078 0.04087 154 129 18 7
1143 I think I just flooded myself! 1.2078 0.04289 154 131 14 9
1144 What do you mean "Cool down"?? I can't--that's the damned problem! 1.2077 0.03556 183 151 26 6
1145 Can I have some more ice! 1.2077 0.03383 183 149 30 4
1146 I drink to try to forget Venus." 1.2077 0.03639 183 152 24 7
1147 Do you have anything non-carbonated? 1.2077 0.03556 183 151 26 6
1148 I’ve always felt like the weight of the world was on my shoulders. 1.2075 0.04096 159 134 17 8
1149 Can I get more ice? It keeps melting. 1.2075 0.03577 159 129 27 3
1150 Can you believe it? My Glaciers are all melting! 1.2074 0.03494 188 155 27 6
1151 Cut me off, Bill. I’m spinning. 1.2074 0.03494 188 155 27 6
1152 I was Iceland before Global Warming... 1.2074 0.04219 135 112 18 5
1153 My kids are bleeding me dry! 1.2073 0.03663 193 162 22 9
1154 Goodbye from Planet Earth. 1.2071 0.04476 140 119 13 8
1155 And then they said I was flat! 1.2071 0.03835 169 141 21 7
1156 I'm the ghost of earth past." 1.2071 0.03646 169 139 25 5
1157 No more for me, pal. I'm already spinning. 1.2071 0.03223 198 161 33 4
1158 I can never find pants that fit... 1.2069 0.04366 145 123 14 8
1159 My temperature keeps rising, and no one seems to care! 1.2067 0.03773 179 150 21 8
1160 Does it have to be a Coke? 1.2067 0.03936 179 152 17 10
1161 Even Atlas has given up on me. 1.2067 0.03235 179 144 33 2
1162 If Atlas calls, you haven't seen me. 1.2067 0.04365 150 128 13 9
1163 My God, these people are driving me to extinction! 1.2065 0.03702 184 154 22 8
1164 Sitting on a rainbow wears me out. 1.2065 0.03936 184 157 16 11
1165 What about Mars? Mars has it easy! I bet you never see Mars in here, do you? 1.2065 0.03621 184 153 24 7
1166 Can you tell me how to get my kids to clean up their mess? 1.2065 0.03958 155 129 20 6
1167 It's not the drink, I'm always spinning. 1.2065 0.03958 155 129 20 6
1168 I’ll take any drink you’ve got but a Hurricane. 1.2065 0.03740 155 127 24 4
1169 Sorry, I haven't been helped yet. 1.2063 0.03875 160 133 21 6
1170 Oh no. I'm starting to get the spins. 1.2062 0.03418 194 160 28 6
1171 Then this comet..what's it's name, almost sideswiped me.." 1.2062 0.03002 194 155 38 1
1172 Thanks for solving all of my problems. 1.2060 0.03437 199 165 27 7
1173 They're killing me... 1.2059 0.03904 170 143 19 8
1174 So a globe walks into a bar and the bartender says, “I’ve bet you’ve been around.” 1.2059 0.03722 170 141 23 6
1175 The “X” man has got me by the ass! 1.2057 0.03467 175 143 28 4
1176 Hey, remember that cute comet that was here about seventy-five years ago? You haven’t seen her lately, have you? 1.2057 0.03560 175 144 26 5
1177 I’ve been experiencing an untreatable fever lately. 1.2057 0.03740 175 146 22 7
1178 I went through this 65 million years ago. I don't think I can handle it a second time. 1.2057 0.04447 141 120 13 8
1179 You got any ice? Mine’s all melted. 1.2057 0.03965 141 116 21 4
1180 The difficulty about climate change for me, is the hot flashes and water retention. 1.2057 0.04331 141 119 15 7
1181 They're even going up in space to avoid me. 1.2056 0.03994 180 154 15 11
1182 If I am such a great planet, why are they trying so hard to get off me?! 1.2056 0.03670 180 150 23 7
1183 And the next thing you know, I’m seeing satellites circling! 1.2055 0.04338 146 124 14 8
1184 What I need is love. Sweet love. 1.2054 0.03763 185 156 20 9
1185 They were right, I'm flat! 1.2054 0.03261 185 150 32 3
1186 I never used to drink before the humans arrived. 1.2053 0.04130 151 127 17 7
1187 Again! The hot flashes seem to be constant now! 1.2053 0.04022 151 126 19 6
1188 D'ya ever feel like you're just spinning in circles? 1.2053 0.04130 151 127 17 7
1189 I always tip 23.4%, no matter what 1.2053 0.04339 151 129 13 9
1190 Is it hot in here,or is it your imagination? 1.2053 0.04022 151 126 19 6
1191 'Stop me if you've heard this one before" 1.2051 0.03606 156 127 26 3
1192 I'm supposed to be out there circling the sun and you're telling me you got problems? 1.2051 0.03628 195 164 22 9
1193 It wasn't that bad until the industrial revolution. . . 1.2050 0.03635 200 169 21 10
1194 "Oy vey! Do I have global issues...." 1.2050 0.04049 161 136 17 8
1195 Why doesn’t Elon Musk just hurry up and leave already? 1.2048 0.04144 166 142 14 10
1196 The doctor said I have about 8 billion parasites. 1.2048 0.03677 166 137 24 5
1197 So I says to him, you breathe that crap all day every day -- you'd be hot too! 1.2047 0.03702 171 142 23 6
1198 If it’s my wife, I’m not a sphere. 1.2047 0.03511 171 140 27 4
1199 I'm feeling more and more blue every day. 1.2045 0.03807 176 148 20 8
1200 She says I think the universe revolves around me. 1.2045 0.04530 132 112 13 7
1201 My doctor keeps telling me to cut back on fossil fuels,but who can afford clean energy in this economy! 1.2045 0.03807 176 148 20 8
1202 She broke it off. Said things were getting too hot and unstable. 1.2044 0.03734 181 152 21 8
1203 Yes, people always mistake me for Gorbachev. 1.2044 0.04413 137 116 14 7
1204 I started drinking more during the pandemic 1.2043 0.02964 186 148 38 0
1205 My air is thinning. 1.2043 0.03666 186 156 22 8
1206 Trust me, it's five o'clock somewhere. 1.2042 0.04186 142 119 17 6
1207 I wish they’d just start keeping their promises 1.2042 0.04186 142 119 17 6
1208 I'm sad. 1.2042 0.03444 191 158 27 6
1209 So all I said was that I needed a little space, and she downgraded me. 1.2041 0.03973 147 122 20 5
1210 I turn around and around, there she is again–beaming at me. 1.2041 0.03973 147 122 20 5
1211 Does this make me look flat? 1.2039 0.03887 152 126 21 5
1212 Is the whole world going to hell, or is it just me? 1.2039 0.04210 152 129 15 8
1213 I feel like I’m spinning in circles! 1.2038 0.03912 157 131 20 6
1214 HOWARD, I’M HOT AS HELL AND I’M NOT GONNA TAKE IT ANYMORE 1.2037 0.03831 162 135 21 6
1215 Everybody has problems but I've got thousands of people who think I'm f lat 1.2037 0.03930 162 136 19 7
1216 Can you turn the heat down? 1.2036 0.04032 167 142 16 9
1217 I forgot my ID but swear I'm four billion years old." 1.2036 0.03657 167 138 24 5
1218 For the love of god, can I get some ice! 1.2036 0.03755 167 139 22 6
1219 I don't think you understand the gravity of the situation. 1.2036 0.03755 167 139 22 6
1220 Are you not going to ask me what in the world am I doing in here? 1.2036 0.04121 167 143 14 10
1221 When they complain about how difficult it is out there? I'M 'out there.' 1.2034 0.03431 177 145 28 4
1222 It's like I'm on fire right now and no one acknowledges it. 1.2034 0.03871 177 150 18 9
1223 Honestly, I long for another asteroid. 1.2033 0.03462 182 150 27 5
1224 So Venus says I'm looking really hot? 1.2033 0.03876 182 155 17 10
1225 …and then there’s, you know, gravity. 1.2031 0.03583 192 161 23 8
1226 Being called flat hurts. It really hurts. 1.2031 0.03264 192 157 31 4
1227 Could I get something less carbonated? 1.2030 0.03371 197 163 28 6
1228 Could I have some ice for this, please? 1.2029 0.03119 207 169 34 4
1229 And that's when I said, "I don't care about Uranus, show me your moon." 1.2027 0.04390 148 127 12 9
1230 I'm here because people keep thinking I'm flat 1.2027 0.04175 148 125 16 7
1231 No, I'm fine. I've had the spins forever. 1.2027 0.04063 148 124 18 6
1232 I better stop. The room is spinning. 1.2026 0.03864 153 127 21 5
1233 Everyone always asks me, 'What's this world coming to?' 1.2026 0.04184 153 130 15 8
1234 It's like they're trying to find all my faults! 1.2026 0.03974 153 128 19 6
1235 Could I have another ice cube? 1.2025 0.03565 158 129 26 3
1236 What do you mean designated driver? I have only one way to go 1.2025 0.03784 158 131 22 5
1237 I just feel like my life is going in circles. 1.2025 0.03605 163 134 25 4
1238 ''All anybody wants to talk about is the weather.'' 1.2025 0.03809 163 136 21 6
1239 Life is short, and then you die. 1.2025 0.03908 163 137 19 7
1240 So that’s the story on my birthmark. 1.2025 0.03908 163 137 19 7
1241 Do you have some salt? This water is tasteless. 1.2025 0.03908 163 137 19 7
1242 Have you seen my pants?! 1.2025 0.03605 163 134 25 4
1243 My ice is melting. Can you refresh me? 1.2024 0.03436 168 137 28 3
1244 I'm not going anywhere, but I'm sad 'cus I'll miss some of you guys. 1.2024 0.03637 168 139 24 5
1245 Extra ice, please. I’m burning up. 1.2024 0.03637 168 139 24 5
1246 Are you trying to kill me? Vodka Straight, not Soda! 1.2023 0.03474 173 142 27 4
1247 I’ll have another. My head stopped spinning. 1.2023 0.03928 173 147 17 9
1248 Now Venus says she thinks I've become too close to Moon! She just doesn't understand the gravity of the situation! 1.2023 0.03842 173 146 19 8
1249 Hey, has Atlas been around? 1.2022 0.03682 178 149 22 7
1250 Now the Doc says I have greenhouse gas. 1.2022 0.03851 178 151 18 9
1251 Do you have a glass? I’m already full of plastic. 1.2021 0.03630 188 158 22 8
1252 Seriously, the dinosaurs were way better. 1.2020 0.03577 198 167 22 9
1253 Does on the rocks mean nothing to you all anymore"? 1.2020 0.03199 198 162 32 4
1254 Sure, I think globally, but I drink locally. 1.2017 0.04859 119 102 10 7
1255 leaving so soon? 1.2016 0.04432 124 104 15 5
1256 Wow. That tilts your axis! 1.2016 0.04282 124 103 17 4
1257 I need a cold one. I've never been this hot! 1.2015 0.04339 134 113 15 6
1258 I'm all out of ice. 1.2014 0.04354 139 118 14 7
1259 I gotta tell you I’m over this ‘hot world summer’. 1.2014 0.04107 139 116 18 5
1260 I’ve been trucking along for four and a half billion years. 1.2013 0.04038 149 125 18 6
1261 Jeeeeess, Larry, those humans burning fossil fuels are really making my asthma act up! 1.2013 0.04159 154 131 15 8
1262 Do you have any idea how emasculating it is to always be referred to as "Mother Earth?' 1.2013 0.04159 154 131 15 8
1263 I tried the Marie Kondo method,but humans just don 1.2013 0.03867 159 133 20 6
1264 Why me? 1.2013 0.04067 159 135 16 8
1265 Was I modeled after you 1.2013 0.03762 159 132 22 5
1266 I'd like a cooler on the rocks. 1.2013 0.03655 159 131 24 4
1267 You got any ice? 1.2013 0.03968 159 134 18 7
1268 I just keep going round and round. 1.2013 0.03762 159 132 22 5
1269 It's last call for me, so just leave the bottle. 1.2012 0.03886 164 138 19 7
1270 Why do they keep insisting that I am not too hot? 1.2012 0.03788 164 137 21 6
1271 How about one more for the orbit? 1.2012 0.03981 164 139 17 8
1272 War, pestilence, floods; give me a break! 1.2012 0.03714 169 141 22 6
1273 Please, Sir. Can I have more ice? I’m trying to cool off. 1.2012 0.03519 169 139 26 4
1274 Stop me if I mention climate change. 1.2012 0.03417 169 138 28 3
1275 Then, they invented something called MILF island… 1.2011 0.03907 174 148 17 9
1276 Don’t get me started 1.2011 0.03340 184 151 29 4
1277 I'm getting low on ice! 1.2011 0.03689 189 160 20 9
1278 What do climate scientists say about self-medicating? 1.2010 0.03165 209 172 32 5
1279 Then she says “you’re not worldly enough”. Can you believe that? 1.2000 0.03844 160 134 20 6
1280 Could you please turn the heat down a degree? I'm melting. 1.2000 0.03342 175 143 29 3
1281 What in the world can I do? 1.2000 0.03634 160 132 24 4
1282 Whoa! You're huge! 1.2000 0.03598 170 141 24 5
1283 Screw it— give me a plastic straw. 1.2000 0.04442 140 120 12 8
1284 This eco disaster has driven me to drink 1.2000 0.03866 145 120 21 4
1285 And don’t get me started on the hot flashes. 1.2000 0.04230 150 128 14 8
1286 … and that’s why they call it a Tequila sunrise. 1.2000 0.03559 180 150 24 6
1287 I get the whole fauna and flora diversity thing but flightless birds, what's that about? 1.2000 0.03900 150 125 20 5
1288 Hey, it’s hotter can you turn on the AC in here? 1.2000 0.03634 160 132 24 4
1289 I'll have a triple & hold the water since everybody is sucking it out so fast there're running low. 1.2000 0.04668 140 122 8 10
1290 A round for everyone please. 1.2000 0.04221 145 123 15 7
1291 And THEN they started burning this thing called coal 1.2000 0.04555 130 111 12 7
1292 No plastic straws, and it's for my own good? 1.2000 0.04310 135 114 15 6
1293 Boy it's awfully warm in in here 1.2000 0.03988 145 121 19 5
1294 My name is NOT Sherwin Williams! 1.2000 0.04080 140 117 18 5
1295 Give me one goddam reason not to tell the Moon to get lost! 1.2000 0.03878 170 144 18 8
1296 I swear to you I’m old enough 1.2000 0.04436 135 115 13 7
1297 Joe, do you believe she left me for an asteroid? 1.2000 0.04106 145 122 17 6
1298 Nope. I'm still spinn 1.2000 0.03878 170 144 18 8
1299 And then she said, "You are not my whole world, you know!" 1.2000 0.04286 130 109 16 5
1300 I haven’t had a headache like this since the dinosaurs went extinct. 1.2000 0.03400 200 167 26 7
1301 Every where I go, that's all I hear. "Last call! Last call!" 1.2000 0.04106 145 122 17 6
1302 It won't hurt the planet to add a little ice next time. Trust me. 1.2000 0.04032 155 131 17 7
1303 More ice — and please hurry. 1.2000 0.03818 155 129 21 5
1304 I have a bad case of humans. 1.2000 0.03579 185 155 23 7
1305 I don’t know why she left - I thought talking about global warming would be a good icebreaker. 1.1989 0.03626 181 152 22 7
1306 Remember the good old days, when climate change meant a new season 1.1989 0.03710 181 153 20 8
1307 Both candidates are too old! 1.1989 0.03363 181 149 28 4
1308 Evidently, I'm in a world of trouble. 1.1989 0.03514 176 146 25 5
1309 My southern hemisphere is hemorrhoidal! 1.1989 0.03694 176 148 21 7
1310 More clean water,please 1.1988 0.03766 171 144 20 7
1311 I’m getting the spins 1.1988 0.03546 166 137 25 4
1312 Please, no more dark and stormies 1.1988 0.03842 166 140 19 7
1313 Everybody talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it. 1.1988 0.03823 161 135 20 6
1314 Hey Mac, all my ice melted. 1.1987 0.03571 156 128 25 3
1315 There’s no “we” about it. I am the world. 1.1987 0.04008 156 132 17 7
1316 Could I get a little ice? 1.1987 0.03989 151 127 18 6
1317 Hey buddy, can I get a little more ice? 1.1987 0.04204 151 129 14 8
1318 I'll tell ya -- the number of people I'm supporting, it would make your head spin. 1.1987 0.04098 151 128 16 7
1319 Sometimes I feel like I got myself on my shoulders. 1.1986 0.04080 146 123 17 6
1320 Have you got a few billion years? 1.1984 0.04367 126 106 15 5
1321 I don't care. Let the bastards move elsewhere. 1.1983 0.04169 121 100 18 3
1322 The guy whose shoulders I'm standing on is complaining I'm too heavy. 1.1980 0.03499 197 166 23 8
1323 You forgot the dang ice! 1.1979 0.03403 192 160 26 6
1324 And THEN someone blue mooned me. 1.1978 0.03772 182 155 18 9
1325 Don't you have enough water to give me a full glass?" -sk whidbey island w 1.1978 0.03435 182 151 26 5
1326 The only thing they haven't messed with is my planetary orbit. When they screw with that, I'm outta here. 1.1978 0.03930 182 157 14 11
1327 I prefer to be stirred, not shaken. 1.1978 0.03435 182 151 26 5
1328 Whaddaya mean you're out of ice? 1.1977 0.03403 177 146 27 4
1329 Give me a heads up if any more humans come in. 1.1977 0.03403 177 146 27 4
1330 The dinosaurs were bad, but you guys? You guys were a death sentence. 1.1977 0.03746 172 145 20 7
1331 Is it me or is it hot in here? 1.1977 0.03924 172 147 16 9
1332 Give me whisky, I can’t drink the water in my oceans, rivers, and lakes anymore. 1.1977 0.03746 172 145 20 7
1333 No thanks. After one drink my head starts spinning and everyone gets dizzy! 1.1977 0.03261 172 140 30 2
1334 Give me a stiff one. I've been reading the headlines. 1.1976 0.03423 167 137 27 3
1335 I'm just too hot. 1.1976 0.03726 167 140 21 6
1336 I could cry you a river. 1.1975 0.03373 162 132 28 2
1337 Sometimes I feel like I'm just going in circles. 1.1975 0.03900 162 137 18 7
1338 What do you mean you've run out of ice ? 1.1975 0.03801 162 136 20 6
1339 Ever since I was a kid I've really wanted to be Saturn. 1.1975 0.03801 162 136 20 6
1340 Got any more ice? 1.1975 0.03664 157 130 23 4
1341 You got anything non-carbonated? 1.1974 0.04282 152 131 12 9
1342 But today is Earth Day! 1.1974 0.04282 152 131 12 9
1343 Do you mind if I smoke? 1.1973 0.03938 147 123 19 5
1344 IF one more person tells me it's 5 o'clock somewhere! 1.1973 0.04278 147 126 13 8
1345 This fever won't go away. 1.1972 0.03637 142 116 24 2
1346 Water I got, could you put some vodka in here ! 1.1972 0.04150 142 120 16 6
1347 What do you mean, Happy Hour is over? 1.1972 0.04384 142 122 12 8
1348 Hey, Fred, could I get a few million cubic yards of ice? 1.1971 0.03083 208 171 33 4
1349 Better cut me off. I’ve got the spins! 1.1971 0.04123 137 115 17 5
1350 This beer is flat. 1.1971 0.03854 137 113 21 3
1351 I started drinking when I heard climate change was a hoax. 1.1971 0.04123 137 115 17 5
1352 Nobody cares about me or my needs. 1.1969 0.03307 193 160 28 5
1353 We've been a couple for 4.5 billion years, Ok. Called herself Astroid. Then, out of the blue, she comes crashing into me like a fireball! So she's actually "a meteor right?" #mynewyorkercaption 1.1969 0.03692 193 165 18 10
1354 I told my son I'd come around in a year 1.1969 0.04189 127 106 17 4
1355 Don't you think I've had enough? 1.1968 0.03361 188 156 27 5
1356 I tell you,Man,the World 1.1968 0.03187 188 154 31 3
1357 I feel so small. 1.1968 0.03097 188 153 33 2
1358 i've been around the block and then some. 1.1967 0.03329 183 151 28 4
1359 For the first million years they were kind of cute. But now, Frankly, I'll be really glad when they leave. All 8 billion of them. 1.1967 0.03832 183 157 16 10
1360 Clearly we don’t have the same worldview! 1.1967 0.04134 183 161 8 14
1361 Ice on the rocks. Please. 1.1966 0.03656 178 150 21 7
1362 It all started when she said I was Bipolar. 1.1965 0.03541 173 144 24 5
1363 And then I said that's not my wife, that's the moon! 1.1965 0.03815 173 147 18 8
1364 I’m going to need a lot more ice. 1.1965 0.03280 229 194 25 10
1365 And to make things worse, I am the weight of the world." 1.1964 0.03800 168 142 19 7
1366 Earthquakes, and fires, and storms, oh my! 1.1964 0.03800 168 142 19 7
1367 Here’s an idea. Play some Perry Como once in awhile. 1.1963 0.03573 163 135 24 4
1368 I know I'm worldly but I still got problems! 1.1963 0.03975 163 139 16 8
1369 The moon is always hanging around, pulling on me! 1.1962 0.03643 158 131 23 4
1370 I like this bar because it is so down to earth. 1.1962 0.03643 158 131 23 4
1371 Could I get 2 billion more waters? 1.1962 0.03961 158 134 17 7
1372 Do you have something for a headache. 1.1961 0.04049 153 130 16 7
1373 Why the longitude face? 1.1961 0.03830 153 128 20 5
1374 And on top of it all, I'm dealing with a bad parasite infection. 1.1961 0.04153 153 131 14 8
1375 What if there really is an Earth 2 ? 1.1959 0.04142 148 126 15 7
1376 'Make it a double, I just saw the polar ice caps on Instagram.'" 1.1959 0.04251 148 127 13 8
1377 Continental drift is bad enough, but this incontinental drip is really killing me. 1.1959 0.04142 148 126 15 7
1378 And I said, “Your shoulders? What about what’s on my shoulders for god’s sake?” -Wade Munday, Nashville, Tenn 1.1959 0.03794 148 123 21 4
1379 Excuse me,may I have some more ice,please? 1.1959 0.04251 148 127 13 8
1380 Atlas? He is shopping for Ove Gloves. 1.1959 0.03038 194 158 34 2
1381 Help ! 1.1958 0.04123 143 121 16 6
1382 Stop me if I’m going in circles. 1.1958 0.03748 143 118 22 3
1383 Thing is, I feel like I'm spinning out of control. 1.1958 0.04123 143 121 16 6
1384 Joe, I feel like I've got the weight of, well, me on my shoulders. 1.1958 0.03877 143 119 20 4
1385 Extra ice and make it a double. 1.1957 0.03965 138 115 19 4
1386 All my problems are global problems! 1.1957 0.04096 138 116 17 5
1387 Everybody’s giving me a hard time! YOU’D have hot flashes too if you were 4.5 billion years old! 1.1957 0.03734 184 157 18 9
1388 I'm over-heating here. I need a Scotch on the rocks - but hold the Scotch 1.1956 0.03067 225 187 32 6
1389 Do you have a continental breakfast? 1.1955 0.03550 179 150 23 6
1390 A billion years of continental drift and I get itches near the equator. 1.1955 0.03461 179 149 25 5
1391 She said she was looking for someone "less worldly." 1.1954 0.03966 174 150 14 10
1392 What?! That's nothing - I gotta worry about ASTERoids. 1.1953 0.03779 169 143 19 7
1393 Do you ever feel like the weight of world is on your shoulders? 1.1953 0.03872 169 144 17 8
1394 I'm not drunk, I'm just a little off my axis. 1.1953 0.03872 169 144 17 8
1395 I could really use another ice cube, they keep melting! 1.1951 0.03856 164 139 18 7
1396 People are always asking how we save the planet, but never how it's actually feeling. 1.1951 0.03657 164 137 22 5
1397 She said I was gassy. Can you believe that? 1.1951 0.03856 164 139 18 7
1398 Just one more. I need to chill. 1.1951 0.03336 164 134 28 2
1399 This drink will make me more dizzy than me orbiting around the sun. 1.1951 0.03447 164 135 26 3
1400 Even the Earth prefers no straw to paper straws. 1.1951 0.03554 164 136 24 4
1401 And a big cup of ice on the side. 1.1950 0.03302 200 167 27 6
1402 I know I should keep it light and cheery, but I just effing hate Republicans. 1.1950 0.03523 200 170 21 9
1403 She complains that I am too distant. 1.1948 0.03578 154 127 24 3
1404 The good news is I don’t have an ice cream headache any more. 1.1948 0.04230 154 133 12 9
1405 I never get no respect! Every night I get mooned! 1.1948 0.04230 154 133 12 9
1406 She’ll be quite a bit smaller than me, but very luminous. 1.1948 0.03332 154 125 28 1
1407 ...and, on top of all that, they have the unmitigated audacity to call ME a hothead. 1.1946 0.03889 149 125 19 5
1408 Feels like I’m carrying the whole world on my shoulders. 1.1946 0.04004 149 126 17 6
1409 ”Venus gets all the sexy hoopla. Mars gets a candy bar named after him. Me? I get a crappy pair of shoes named after me! 1.1946 0.03889 149 125 19 5
1410 If I told you all my problems, we'd be here until the world ended. 1.1944 0.03532 180 151 23 6
1411 ...I even started finding them all over my southern pole! 1.1944 0.04213 144 123 14 7
1412 Venus just doesn't get me. 1.1944 0.03258 180 148 29 3
1413 My wife is a slut. 1.1944 0.04327 144 124 12 8
1414 Doctor says the fever will pass in a few hundred thousand years. 1.1943 0.03504 175 146 24 5
1415 And then she said “you better just cool off”! 1.1943 0.03687 175 148 20 7
1416 I got the moon's pronouns wrong so they dumped me. 1.1942 0.04317 139 119 13 7
1417 I'll have a double. Over ICE! 1.1942 0.03804 139 115 21 3
1418 Hey, Doc, I think I may be dying of thirst. 1.1942 0.03236 206 172 28 6
1419 No more drinks, I'm already spinning. 1.1941 0.03569 170 142 23 5
1420 Another round for all the king’s horses and men, please. 1.1941 0.04113 170 148 11 11
1421 I was a cool calm planet until I crossed global warning's path. 1.1940 0.04031 134 112 18 4
1422 No,No,I need a LOT of water! 1.1940 0.04300 134 114 14 6
1423 How am I doing? well....I think I'm going through ' the change' I keep getting these hot flashes " 1.1939 0.03835 165 140 18 7
1424 Turns out, it’s called vertigo. 1.1939 0.03930 165 141 16 8
1425 How big is your ice machine? 1.1938 0.04273 129 109 15 5
1426 You think you've got problems? My wife left me for another planet. 1.1938 0.04548 129 111 11 7
1427 So then my therapist tells me that my problem is that I’m bipolar. 1.1938 0.04014 160 137 15 8
1428 I used to be the center of her universe, before she met that Copernicus guy. 1.1938 0.03709 160 134 21 5
1429 I’ll have 8 billion burgers, please. 1.1938 0.04111 160 138 13 9
1430 I shouldn’t, but I turn to drink when I miss Pluto. 1.1938 0.03709 160 134 21 5
1431 Excuse me, why do I have to pay for water? 1.1937 0.03475 191 161 23 7
1432 I don't push they other planets away, but I never let them get closer to me, either. 1.1937 0.03395 191 160 25 6
1433 Im not toasting—I am toast. 1.1935 0.03785 155 130 20 5
1434 And do they really think that nammg a day after me makes up for all the crap I have to put up with? 1.1935 0.03281 186 154 28 4
1435 No thanks. I'm already polluted... 1.1935 0.04103 155 133 14 8
1436 I mean, is anyone out there? 1.1935 0.03894 155 131 18 6
1437 Do you have any more of this clean water back there? I'm running low. 1.1935 0.03785 155 130 20 5
1438 I used to be a meteorologist. 1.1935 0.04303 155 135 10 10
1439 And then she said, “You rock!” 1.1934 0.03426 181 151 25 5
1440 If the Moon calls looking for me, I'm not here. 1.1933 0.04304 150 130 11 9
1441 Wish I could return to the old world order 1.1933 0.04304 150 130 11 9
1442 But Venus just says my problems are nothing compared to hers. 1.1933 0.04198 150 129 13 8
1443 My doctor says I’m bipolar. 1.1933 0.03865 150 126 19 5
1444 I thought I said, "No carbon." 1.1933 0.03748 150 125 21 4
1445 I've got over 8 billion problems and you are just one 1.1931 0.03828 145 121 20 4
1446 I'll take a Hurricane, an Earthquake, and a Mudslide, please. 1.1931 0.04070 145 123 16 6
1447 With the dinosaurs, I swear I only drank on weekends 1.1930 0.03830 171 146 17 8
1448 Is it just me or has the whole place gone to hell? 1.1930 0.03452 171 142 25 4
1449 I’ve got something called homo-sapien-carcinoma. I don’t think I’m going to make it. I should have been born outside the inhabitable zone. 1.1929 0.04042 140 118 17 5
1450 She liked my magnetism, but didn’t like that I was bipolar. 1.1928 0.03716 166 140 20 6
1451 We’re all screwed! 1.1928 0.03716 166 140 20 6
1452 Can I get some extra ice? 1.1926 0.04139 135 114 16 5
1453 We go on one date and poof! I never hear from Pluto again. 1.1925 0.03175 187 154 30 3
1454 It all started with the evolution of homo sapiens 1.1923 0.04179 156 135 12 9
1455 And THAT'S why I drink Scotch neat. 1.1923 0.03496 182 153 23 6
1456 Finally, I found a neutral party to discuss the world’s problems. 1.1923 0.04515 130 112 11 7
1457 ice please! 1.1923 0.03318 182 151 27 4
1458 Show my ID? I don’t look 4.5 billion to you? 1.1923 0.04079 156 134 14 8
1459 I'd like to try that new drink you have..."Out Of This World" 1.1923 0.03871 156 132 18 6
1460 She really had me in her hands… 1.1921 0.03559 177 149 22 6
1461 This is my way of keeping hydrated. 1.1921 0.03725 151 126 21 4
1462 Hey, I'm burning up over here. How about a cold one? 1.1921 0.03955 151 128 17 6
1463 Hey...I'm not kidding. Pour me another. This one is flat. 1.1920 0.04204 125 105 16 4
1464 I know a thing or two about multiple personalities. 1.1919 0.03626 172 145 21 6
1465 I know you've heard it before, but this relationship I'm in is literally toxic. 1.1918 0.04160 146 125 14 7
1466 She said we’re polar opposites. 1.1918 0.03547 146 120 24 2
1467 You won’t believe the millennium I’ve had! 1.1917 0.04315 120 101 15 4
1468 Easy on the Tabasco, I'm burning up. 1.1916 0.03696 167 141 20 6
1469 Admittedly a cartoon dog ain't great, but much worse is being named after DIRT! 1.1916 0.03597 167 140 22 5
1470 Too late for last call? 1.1916 0.03391 167 138 26 3
1471 I used to mean the world to her. 1.1915 0.04140 141 120 15 6
1472 Let’s get them scrambled, I’m sick of sunny-side up. 1.1915 0.03887 141 118 19 4
1473 Will you call a cab so I can get out of here? 1.1915 0.04140 141 120 15 6
1474 I can’t remember my last happy hour! 1.1915 0.03335 188 157 26 5
1475 I can't stand it! I'm getting trashed 1.1913 0.03391 183 153 25 5
1476 In his hands", "On his shoulders" - I'm sick of being handled 1.1913 0.03302 183 152 27 4
1477 I'll stop drinking when they are all polluting Mars. 1.1913 0.03209 183 151 29 3
1478 How do I tell Atlas that he has to do a better job? 1.1912 0.04241 136 116 14 6
1479 It's that I'm burning up over it all & have no idea what to do about it! 1.1912 0.03692 136 112 22 2
1480 Well it was either come here or go to hell in a handbasket. 1.1911 0.04055 157 135 14 8
1481 The Horrors. 1.1910 0.03450 178 149 24 5
1482 I’m considered the galaxy’s Florida. 1.1908 0.04483 131 113 11 7
1483 Sir, can I have some more ice? It's all melting way too fast 1.1908 0.04040 152 130 15 7
1484 Water, please. I'm so dry and parched and hot. 1.1908 0.03583 152 126 23 3
1485 Honestly, what I need now is love, sweet love. 1.1908 0.03703 152 127 21 4
1486 No, you’re thinking of my brother, The Earth. I’m just A Ping Pong Ball With Lesions. 1.1905 0.04323 126 107 14 5
1487 How about one more for my last orbit? 1.1905 0.03476 168 140 24 4
1488 Make it a double and double that. 1.1905 0.03577 168 141 22 5
1489 You ever get the feeling that you're carrying the whole world on your shoulders? 1.1905 0.03901 147 124 18 5
1490 I would wear sunglasses at this point,but you know,no ears. 1.1905 0.04019 147 125 16 6
1491 I used to be a glass half full kind of planet. 1.1905 0.03780 147 123 20 4
1492 Could I have one more for the orbit? 1.1905 0.04018 126 105 18 3
1493 I'll have a mudslide, dark 'n' stormy, flaming volcano, hurricane, earthquake, tsunami, and some soft pretzels. 1.1902 0.03749 163 138 19 6
1494 Can you turn the AC on? I’m burning up. 1.1902 0.03541 163 136 23 4
1495 ''She said I wasn't edgy enough.'' 1.1902 0.03749 163 138 19 6
1496 So then I said: no, YOU'RE flat. 1.1902 0.04133 163 142 11 10
1497 It has been one disaster after another! 1.1901 0.03862 142 119 19 4
1498 Oh yeah?...well, I got 8 billion stories to tell you... 1.1901 0.03731 142 118 21 3
1499 Got anything with no carbon? 1.1901 0.03862 142 119 19 4
1500 More and more I’ve been wondering if the Sun and I are too close. 1.1898 0.04213 137 117 14 6
1501 Refill please… I’m just warming up. 1.1898 0.03668 137 113 22 2
1502 Another one of those and my world will be spinning. 1.1897 0.03084 195 161 31 3
1503 Is it hot in here, or is it just me? 1.1895 0.03796 153 129 19 5
1504 Could ya get me a glass of ice water, I’m feelin a little over heated. 1.1895 0.03796 153 129 19 5
1505 Hey barkeep, do you see the moon behind me? Seems like he has been following me for eons !!! 1.1894 0.04580 132 115 9 8
1506 'Sir, why did you put some pep in my drink?' 'Because the world needs to f*cking wake up.' 1.1893 0.03843 169 145 16 8
1507 I could use more ice, please. 1.1893 0.03458 169 141 24 4
1508 Where do I go if George Soros gives up on me? 1.1893 0.03656 169 143 20 6
1509 It all just spun out of control from that point on! 1.1892 0.03994 148 126 16 6
1510 I like a lot of my tenants but I'm trying to kick the humans out. 1.1892 0.04107 148 127 14 7
1511 So then he says to me, " Are you from another planet?" 1.1892 0.03757 148 124 20 4
1512 This is what the world has come to. 1.1892 0.04107 148 127 14 7
1513 I mean it this time—tomorrow morning, I'm turning things around. 1.1892 0.03994 148 126 16 6
1514 I thought I'd experienced everything; then last week I had a Brazilian done. 1.1890 0.03626 164 138 21 5
1515 I know I sound paranoid but I feel humans have ganged up to destroy me. 1.1890 0.04291 127 108 14 5
1516 I tell ya, I'm coming to an. end!?! 1.1890 0.04143 127 107 16 4
1517 I just don't know why they don't like me! They're killing me! 1.1890 0.04434 127 109 12 6
1518 Do you have lots of ice? Because I think I'm gonna need lots of ice. 1.1888 0.04320 143 124 11 8
1519 ...and all of a sudden, I start having these hot flashes. 1.1887 0.03588 159 133 22 4
1520 Where's your restroom? I've got gas. 1.1887 0.03697 159 134 20 5
1521 Since my 4.543 billion year birthday, I haven’t been feeling right. 1.1886 0.03380 175 146 25 4
1522 She had me on a string wrapped around her little finger. 1.1886 0.03380 175 146 25 4
1523 All that drinking and now my sea levels have risen. I'm a goner. 1.1884 0.03786 138 115 20 3
1524 Hey, Joe. Is it hot in here, or is it me? 1.1883 0.03773 154 130 19 5
1525 It's way too warm here -- I need some ice. 1.1883 0.03659 154 129 21 4
1526 ..........and it's all water weight! 1.1882 0.03336 170 141 26 3
1527 Yeah, I have a question. What's wrong with you people? You're killing me. 1.1882 0.03162 186 154 29 3
1528 My life is just a never-ending 'Shake, Rattle, and Roll'. 1.1882 0.03341 186 156 25 5
1529 I was able to handle the stress of my plate tectonics for eons, but these damn rising sea levels have driven me to drink. 1.1880 0.04365 117 99 14 4
1530 Yeah, sure they act locally, but they do not have a clue how to think globally! 1.1880 0.04015 133 112 17 4
1531 You wouldn’t believe the day I’ve had. 1.1879 0.03482 149 123 24 2
1532 Will this make the world go away? 1.1879 0.03969 149 127 16 6
1533 Has Venus asked about me/ 1.1879 0.03969 149 127 16 6
1534 I am exactly where I was a year ago, and the year before that. 1.1879 0.03733 149 125 20 4
1535 I've got a bad case of humans 1.1879 0.03501 165 138 23 4
1536 My asteroid belt makes me look fat so I am thinking of switching to asteroid suspenders. 1.1879 0.03605 165 139 21 5
1537 Nobody respects me anymore. 1.1879 0.03284 165 136 27 2
1538 Whaddya mean ...last call! 1.1875 0.04402 128 110 12 6
1539 Pour me a double, boss, they told me I only got twelve years. 1.1875 0.04673 128 112 8 8
1540 Just trying to replenish some liquid I have lost. 1.1875 0.03567 160 134 22 4
1541 Line ‘em up Sam. It’s gonna be a long story with a sad ending. 1.1875 0.04060 144 123 15 6
1542 ...and one more for the orbit. 1.1875 0.04060 144 123 15 6
1543 Another huge asteroid would fix me right up, but until that day comes along, I drink. 1.1875 0.04060 144 123 15 6
1544 Put it on humanity's tab. 1.1875 0.03984 160 138 14 8
1545 You hiring? I think my current gig is just about up. 1.1875 0.03938 144 122 17 5
1546 It's quarter to three There's no-one in the place 'Cept You and me. So set 'em up Joe, Make it one for my baby, and one more For the road 1.1875 0.04178 144 124 13 7
1547 Are we completely out of ice? 1.1872 0.03234 203 171 26 6
1548 Have anything non-carbonated? 1.1871 0.03421 171 143 24 4
1549 I'm just saying, I remember when Mars came in here. 1.1871 0.03318 171 142 26 3
1550 How would you feel if everyone called you, “messed up?” 1.1871 0.03520 171 144 22 5
1551 Did you feel that? It felt like a tectonic shift." 1.1871 0.03318 171 142 26 3
1552 Excuse me, all of my ice melted. 1.1871 0.03616 171 145 20 6
1553 Everything was fine until someone invented 'God'. 1.1871 0.03968 155 133 15 7
1554 No matter how much I drink, I keep getting warmer 1.1871 0.03750 155 131 19 5
1555 I don't think you understand what it is to have the weight of the world on your shoulders. 1.1871 0.04156 139 119 14 6
1556 Can I get some more ice, please? 1.1871 0.03897 139 117 18 4
1557 People keep saying I'm too hot for them. 1.1871 0.03897 139 117 18 4
1558 I'm so hot all the time, but no one seems to care. 1.1871 0.04156 139 119 14 6
1559 This job is killin me. 1.1871 0.04280 139 120 12 7
1560 So then Atlas said to me that he needed more space. 1.1870 0.04373 123 105 13 5
1561 Do I look flat in this globe? 1.1870 0.04218 123 104 15 4
1562 Another one on ice… I really need to cool down 1.1870 0.04218 123 104 15 4
1563 I need a towel. My ice caps are melting. 1.1868 0.03196 182 151 28 3
1564 I was promised a spin off when 'As the World Turns' ended, but that never happened. 1.1868 0.03556 182 155 20 7
1565 Climate talks are over, next? 1.1867 0.04056 150 129 14 7
1566 You should have seen the rings on her 1.1867 0.03829 150 127 18 5
1567 It's like I said. They'll be sorry when they discover they don't have me to kick around anymore." 1.1867 0.03944 150 128 16 6
1568 And things aren’t much better on Mars. 1.1867 0.03711 150 126 20 4
1569 So I said, ‘If it’s a hoax, they sure fooled me.’ 1.1867 0.04056 150 129 14 7
1570 I just don’t like when people call me flat. 1.1867 0.03829 150 127 18 5
1571 Make it on the rocks; the heat is really getting to me. 1.1865 0.02997 193 159 32 2
1572 Make it a double. A strong double. 1.1863 0.04058 161 140 12 9
1573 How I wish to get as old as you. 1.1863 0.03321 161 133 26 2
1574 I'm flat and broke! 1.1863 0.03760 161 137 18 6
1575 No more thanks, I am already seeing two moons. 1.1863 0.03655 161 136 20 5
1576 I don't know why everyone keeps saying that. It's NOT a stage. 1.1862 0.03913 145 123 17 5
1577 Would it be presumptuous to ask for Moonshine? 1.1862 0.03789 145 122 19 4
1578 To make the world go away I am gonna need another shot 1.1860 0.04370 129 111 12 6
1579 Did you know that they named the "highball" after me! 1.1860 0.03196 172 142 28 2
1580 This is my last one. I’ve got the spins. 1.1859 0.03838 156 133 17 6
1581 Is it just me or is it hot in here? 1.1857 0.03872 140 118 18 4
1582 ...and the people have their head up where the Sun don't shine. 1.1857 0.04002 140 119 16 5
1583 Whaddaya mean it's last call? 1.1857 0.03597 140 116 22 2
1584 Don't kill the messenger, but Ireland is asking for something a wee bit stronger. 1.1857 0.04251 140 121 12 7
1585 and then the guy bet me a drink that i was flat 1.1857 0.04002 140 119 16 5
1586 May I have more ice please? 1.1856 0.03665 167 142 19 6
1587 I got plenty of water, I just want a stiff drink. 1.1856 0.03463 167 140 23 4
1588 Sure it’s bad but it’s even worse on Pluto. 1.1854 0.03920 151 129 16 6
1589 Last Call! Or What? 1.1854 0.03920 151 129 16 6
1590 It's getting hot in here 1.1854 0.03566 151 126 22 3
1591 I tried to warn them, but now it’s so hot we’ve run out of ice. 1.1854 0.03688 151 127 20 4
1592 Ice please--350 billion tons a year. 1.1854 0.03920 151 129 16 6
1593 I said "Stare decisis," but they didn't hear. 1.1854 0.03806 151 128 18 5
1594 I told you, 'No carbonated drinks! Now I'm overheating!.' 1.1854 0.03566 151 126 22 3
1595 Is it Last Call yet? 1.1854 0.03688 151 127 20 4
1596 Things were great then I had a outbreak of humans around my Fertile Crescent, full blown pyramids too. 1.1854 0.04245 151 132 10 9
1597 I'm telling you it's half empty; mark my words. 1.1852 0.03960 135 114 17 4
1598 Give me a double - it's terminal. 1.1852 0.03527 162 136 22 4
1599 How could you possibly run out of fresh water? 1.1852 0.03417 162 135 24 3
1600 No, I'm drinking for 8,045,311,447. 1.1852 0.04230 135 116 13 6
1601 I just call it "warming" 1.1852 0.04230 135 116 13 6
1602 ...so i say 'Go to Mars, see if I care!' 1.1852 0.03839 162 139 16 7
1603 How about an ice cube? 1.1852 0.03527 162 136 22 4
1604 Yeah, I get a pension. But now I’ve got 7.5 billion years with nothing to do. 1.1852 0.04097 135 115 15 5
1605 Hi, Name’s Gorbachev 1.1852 0.04230 135 116 13 6
1606 I’m usually a glass half full type of planet, but come on! 1.1850 0.03384 173 145 24 4
1607 He had the whole me... in his hands. He had the whole me in his hands! 1.1850 0.03179 173 143 28 2
1608 What's so great about Mars 1.1850 0.03384 173 145 24 4
1609 Don’t even ask me about the chatter on Mars 1.1849 0.03637 146 122 21 3
1610 I just worry I’m a bad mother. 1.1849 0.03637 146 122 21 3
1611 Thanks Buddy. I'm parched! 1.1849 0.04124 146 126 13 7
1612 Doc says 5 years. I’m saying I have another ice age in me. 1.1849 0.04128 119 100 16 3
1613 I glad I found you, almost half the Earth is dry. 1.1847 0.03815 157 134 17 6
1614 I fell to earth, I know not where. 1.1847 0.03594 157 132 21 4
1615 Technically, alcohol is a coolant. 1.1847 0.03706 157 133 19 5
1616 If I could afford it, I’d splurge on a water, but just give me another Chateau Lafite. 1.1847 0.03706 157 133 19 5
1617 She cheated on me with Uranus!? 1.1847 0.03706 157 133 19 5
1618 Hypothetically, if someone clogged your toilet, would you be mad or like cool and understanding about it? 1.1847 0.03920 157 135 15 7
1619 Before climate change, it was a peninsular. 1.1847 0.03479 157 131 23 3
1620 What about the weight on MY shoulders? Ever think of that? 1.1846 0.04055 130 110 16 4
1621 I've got one humongous hemorrhoid. Come on guess what I named him. 1.1844 0.03712 141 118 20 3
1622 Do you know where Mother Nature is? 1.1844 0.04101 141 121 14 6
1623 It's just that all my friends have turned against me. 1.1844 0.03846 141 119 18 4
1624 Problems? I got a whole me of 'em! 1.1844 0.03976 141 120 16 5
1625 I'm so sick of being called flat... 1.1844 0.03404 179 151 23 5
1626 I said listen sun, give me till tomorrow, I’ll cool down ok?! 1.1844 0.03584 179 153 19 7
1627 One disaster after another, and they say it's all in my head. 1.1842 0.03896 152 130 16 6
1628 Hey, is the room spinning or is it me? 1.1842 0.03896 152 130 16 6
1629 It's so rare to find a place with clean water and a pleasant atmosphere. 1.1842 0.03666 152 128 20 4
1630 They offered me a continental breakfast... 1.1840 0.03507 163 137 22 4
1631 8 billion roommates and not one of them pays me rent! 1.1840 0.03397 163 136 24 3
1632 Nobody listens. 1.1840 0.03167 163 134 28 1
1633 I'm spinning already. What's one more? 1.1840 0.03997 125 105 17 3
1634 You don't know what it's like to be so hot. 1.1839 0.03464 174 147 22 5
1635 It’s not easy trying to be green. 1.1839 0.03464 174 147 22 5
1636 My glass is definitely half empty. 1.1838 0.03792 136 114 19 3
1637 So Planet Earth walks into a bar and says, “I'll have something non-carbonated.” 1.1838 0.04201 136 117 13 6
1638 75% of my surface is water, but you would’nt believe how hard it is for me to get a drink! 1.1838 0.03933 136 115 17 4
1639 God, I hate people. 1.1838 0.03585 185 159 18 8
1640 My therapist said to stop blaming other people for my problems. 1.1837 0.03741 147 124 19 4
1641 Shakiness, flooding, overheating, maybe it's menopause? 1.1835 0.04099 158 138 11 9
1642 Everyone’s trying to change me. 1.1835 0.03792 158 135 17 6
1643 Make the World go away! Make the World go away! That’s all I hear these days! 1.1835 0.03574 158 133 21 4
1644 I said ice water! 1.1834 0.03425 169 142 23 4
1645 Call me a hypochondriac, but it feels like I'm burning up 1.1834 0.03625 169 144 19 6
1646 And don't get me started on the moon: New moon, full moon, blue moon, harvest moon, super moon, lunar eclipse, give me a break. 1.1833 0.04581 120 104 10 6
1647 Small world...meeting you here. 1.1832 0.03877 131 110 18 3
1648 I may present like a globalist but I drink like an isolationist. 1.1832 0.04169 131 112 14 5
1649 I admit it. I'm a mess. 1.1831 0.04195 142 123 12 7
1650 If the moon calls, I'm not here. 1.1831 0.03821 142 120 18 4
1651 Hey there, barkeep! What do you have that’ll cool me down a few degrees! 1.1830 0.03644 153 129 20 4
1652 Then, Pluto left ... Not a word. 1.1830 0.03644 153 129 20 4
1653 I need a drink. I'm hot. 1.1829 0.03593 164 139 20 5
1654 I only drink when Mercury is in retrograde 1.1829 0.03593 164 139 20 5
1655 You ever feel like your life is just going around in circles? 1.1829 0.03593 164 139 20 5
1656 Earth calling! I'm running dry over here! 1.1829 0.03249 175 146 26 3
1657 Yes I agree with you...it's metaphysically impossible. Yet here we are. 1.1826 0.04381 115 98 13 4
1658 Don't even get me started on the Big Bang. 1.1825 0.03968 126 106 17 3
1659 You'd drink too if you knew the sun was going to grow into a red giant in 7.5 billion years and vaporize you! 1.1825 0.04042 137 117 15 5
1660 It was better when I was flat! 1.1825 0.04299 137 119 11 7
1661 I guess it all started the day you were all born 1.1825 0.03767 137 115 19 3
1662 Hey Buddy, you mind helping me get this continent out of my eye? 1.1825 0.04173 137 118 13 6
1663 I had a great fall, but the people I sued had greater lawyers. 1.1825 0.03767 137 115 19 3
1664 I guess I just have a lot on my continents. 1.1825 0.04042 137 117 15 5
1665 More, please. I’m so very dry 1.1824 0.03840 148 126 17 5
1666 And then she just walked out. Said I'm not cool anymore. 1.1824 0.03958 148 127 15 6
1667 My water is getting warm. Could you bring me some ice? 1.1824 0.04072 148 128 13 7
1668 Earth Day is great, but I need more than one day off a year! 1.1824 0.03327 148 122 25 1
1669 Just when I thought I'd seen it all, along comes George Santos. 1.1824 0.03770 159 136 17 6
1670 My therapist says I put too much weight on my shoulders. 1.1824 0.03874 159 137 15 7
1671 If I'm so hot, how come I can't get a date in here? 1.1824 0.03770 159 136 17 6
1672 The atmosphere is so much better in here. 1.1824 0.03321 159 132 25 2
1673 People keep saying that I'm getting hot. 1.1824 0.03663 159 135 19 5
1674 I guess it’s time to close out my tab. 1.1824 0.03663 159 135 19 5
1675 I feel like I'm carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders. 1.1824 0.03196 170 141 27 2
1676 My ice melted again, can I have some more? 1.1824 0.03794 170 147 15 8
1677 I'm polluted. 1.1818 0.04232 121 103 14 4
1678 This global warming is giving me a hell of a thirst! 1.1818 0.03850 132 111 18 3
1679 Here’s proof you can’t eliminate global warming with deodorant. 1.1818 0.04540 132 116 8 8
1680 Everyone says its terminal. 1.1818 0.04277 132 114 12 6
1681 And then she says to me, "what are you coming to?" 1.1818 0.04140 132 113 14 5
1682 Pour me another one--I can still feel them crawling all over me! 1.1818 0.03360 165 138 24 3
1683 I'll go another round 1.1818 0.03360 165 138 24 3
1684 You know, it's not the heat; it's the humidity. Also the carbon dioxide, the methane, the nitrogen oxides, the halogenated gases, the sulphur dioxide, the... 1.1818 0.03797 143 121 18 4
1685 It started in the damn '70s. Everyone was buying me a Coke, I needed something stronger and it's been downhill ever since. 1.1818 0.03797 143 121 18 4
1686 It's my Earth Day and my ice is leaving me. 1.1818 0.03503 154 129 22 3
1687 I haven't felt the need to drink since the ice age. 1.1818 0.03665 143 120 20 3
1688 And now Antarctica won't allow any more colonoscopies" 1.1818 0.03924 143 122 16 5
1689 I've got forest fires - can you give me a bigger glass? 1.1818 0.04064 154 134 12 8
1690 Can I get more ice in my water? It keeps melting! 1.1818 0.03180 198 167 26 5
1691 Hit me with something, anything to cool me down! 1.1812 0.03419 160 134 23 3
1692 People keep saying the world is getting smaller. Tell me about it. 1.1812 0.03419 160 134 23 3
1693 Global warming not real? I've got burning hemorrhoids, dry mouth, and acid reflux 1.1812 0.03748 160 137 17 6
1694 Don't ask. 1.1812 0.03816 149 127 17 5
1695 The constant hot flashes are killing me. 1.1812 0.03816 149 127 17 5
1696 Trust me. I can say “I’ll have another” in two hundred languages. 1.1812 0.03816 149 127 17 5
1697 The doc says the cancer has globalized. 1.1812 0.03695 149 126 19 4
1698 Boy, do I need a stiff drink! 1.1812 0.03695 149 126 19 4
1699 I got my own problems. 1.1812 0.03441 149 124 23 2
1700 I'll take my check please. I'm starting to spin. 1.1812 0.03881 138 117 17 4
1701 Basically, I’m a hot mess. 1.1812 0.04270 138 120 11 7
1702 All I want to do is this: I just want to find 11,780 votes, which is one more than we have. 1.1812 0.04015 138 118 15 5
1703 Doc says my high temperatures and chills are due to an imbalance in my macrobiome,whatever that means. Plus I’m really greenhouse gassy lately. 1.1812 0.04144 138 119 13 6
1704 Hey! My ice is melting over here! 1.1812 0.04392 138 121 9 8
1705 Hey! Yes you. I'm waiting for some attention over here! 1.1812 0.04144 138 119 13 6
1706 No, you don't understand. It takes a village. 1.1812 0.03448 138 114 23 1
1707 I drink to fill the hole in my ozone layer. 1.1812 0.03598 138 115 21 2
1708 What do you mean, last call? 1.1811 0.04390 127 110 11 6
1709 Could I get something non-carbonated? 1.1811 0.04245 127 109 13 5
1710 abandoning me for Mars is so not cool… 1.1811 0.04095 127 108 15 4
1711 I'm a glass half-full kind of planet 1.1811 0.03940 127 107 17 3
1712 Seriously, where did I go wrong with mankind? 1.1806 0.03715 155 132 18 5
1713 Rand McNally is full of s#*t! 1.1806 0.03715 155 132 18 5
1714 Do you ever see any meteorites in here? I’m hoping to not run into any of them. 1.1806 0.03715 155 132 18 5
1715 You remember me? I know I’ve aged but underneath it’s the same old me. 1.1806 0.03600 155 131 20 4
1716 It's a Sad, Sad, Sad, Sad World. 1.1806 0.03899 144 123 16 5
1717 How'd _you_ like to be mooned 24/7? 1.1806 0.03772 144 122 18 4
1718 On the rocks, please - and keep 'em coming 1.1806 0.04022 144 124 14 6
1719 And you think your life is complicated ... ? 1.1806 0.03772 144 122 18 4
1720 Just water. I'm hot! 1.1806 0.03506 144 120 22 2
1721 I can't wait till Musk sends you all to Mars. 1.1806 0.04141 144 125 12 7
1722 I don't care that it was 180 million years ago, a break up's a break up! 1.1806 0.03772 144 122 18 4
1723 That moon keeps following me, tugging at me day and night. 1.1806 0.03772 144 122 18 4
1724 It’s like an invisible force keeps me spinning in circles. 1.1806 0.04256 144 126 10 8
1725 More ice. 1.1805 0.04111 133 114 14 5
1726 Next time, can you hold the carbonation? 1.1805 0.04111 133 114 14 5
1727 I just need my space. 1.1805 0.03970 133 113 16 4
1728 I wish Atlas hadn’t gone into the moving business. 1.1805 0.03970 133 113 16 4
1729 And bring some ice please. Mine's melting. 1.1805 0.04379 133 116 10 7
1730 Nobody believes me. I’m not faking it, my wobble is a little off 1.1802 0.03370 172 145 23 4
1731 'I'll have a planet-sized margarita, please. Just trying to take the edge off climate change!' 1.1802 0.03470 172 146 21 5
1732 Panic Cocktail please! with ice on top and bottom only. 1.1802 0.03567 172 147 19 6
1733 So I told her I prefer sexy, not hot 1.1802 0.03470 172 146 21 5
1734 For years,I had it practically all to myself and then this wise guy Hobbs comes along! 1.1801 0.03512 161 136 21 4
1735 Nice chatting with you Atlas 1.1801 0.03621 161 137 19 5
1736 ...and you think you've got problems. 1.1801 0.04027 161 141 11 9
1737 Easy for you to tell me to keep cool 1.1801 0.03163 161 133 27 1
1738 I’m gonna need several more of these. 1.1801 0.03621 161 137 19 5
1739 Is it me or is it getting really warm in here? 1.1801 0.03163 161 133 27 1
1740 And then this skinny guy with a fedora throws a string around me and starts singin'." 1.1801 0.03727 161 138 17 6
1741 The topper is that Elon Musk want to live on Mars. 1.1800 0.03792 150 128 17 5
1742 You wouldn't believe the problems I have. 1.1800 0.03792 150 128 17 5
1743 Wow, do you have anything a little more polluted? 1.1800 0.03548 150 126 21 3
1744 Is it me, or is it a bit too hot in here? 1.1800 0.03908 150 129 15 6
1745 What I really need is some ice. 1.1799 0.02900 189 156 32 1
1746 So you think I had enough already, eh? Let me tell you something. I’m not flat, you know! 1.1799 0.04362 139 122 9 8
1747 As a kid, no one ever wanted to give me a piggy back ride. 1.1799 0.03855 139 118 17 4
1748 I've been dying for some nice clean water. 1.1799 0.03988 139 119 15 5
1749 My glass is half empty, just like the heads of the climate deniers. 1.1799 0.04116 139 120 13 6
1750 Could I please have some extra ice, mine's all melted! 1.1799 0.03717 139 117 19 3
1751 I’m just saying it tastes like it’s more than two-thirds water. 1.1798 0.03199 178 149 26 3
1752 Sometimes I feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders. 1.1798 0.03199 178 149 26 3
1753 Thanks. I’m parched! 1.1797 0.04065 128 109 15 4
1754 I feel like it’s the room that’s spinning 1.1797 0.04214 128 110 13 5
1755 And that's why I'm glad you didn't give me a straw for my drink. 1.1796 0.03732 167 144 16 7
1756 You can't imagine the day I've had. 1.1796 0.03213 167 139 26 2
1757 I need a quick pick me up! 1.1795 0.04479 117 101 11 5
1758 Do I have to do everything around here? I mean, can a mother get a little help? 1.1795 0.03462 156 131 22 3
1759 I know most people's looks decline with age, but I'm getting hotter all the time. 1.1793 0.03996 145 125 14 6
1760 Atlas? Oh sure, he said he'd carry me, but look where I wound up. 1.1793 0.03748 145 123 18 4
1761 Hey Bert could I get a double shot of floods? Boy it’s getting hot in here! 1.1793 0.03748 145 123 18 4
1762 And then, all these royal horsemen show up and try to put me back together. 1.1793 0.04229 145 127 10 8
1763 When do the pole dancers start? 1.1793 0.03874 145 124 16 5
1764 You wouldn't believe how hot it is out there. 1.1793 0.03618 145 122 20 3
1765 Well, excuse me for wanting to cool down a little. 1.1793 0.03996 145 125 14 6
1766 Hey Bud if world peace were that easy I wouldn’t need this drink! 1.1793 0.03996 145 125 14 6
1767 With these Goldilocks Planets it’s all about “location, location, location”. 1.1793 0.03874 145 124 16 5
1768 My scalp is melting, my backside is hot, itchy, and wet, and my belly is either sweaty or burning. I'll take your midlife crisis anytime. 1.1792 0.03451 173 147 21 5
1769 I'm gonna need something stronger; I just watched An Inconvenient Truth. 1.1792 0.03251 173 145 25 3
1770 Oh! I'd be just fine without people! 1.1791 0.04082 134 115 14 5
1771 Surprise me . 1.1790 0.03705 162 139 17 6
1772 Wars, famine, global warming, I can't seem to get a break. Make the next one a double 1.1790 0.03265 162 135 25 2
1773 Well-l-l, Rand, he's OK...but that McNally, he's a real S.O.B.! 1.1790 0.03265 162 135 25 2
1774 Another--I'm still not rotating fast enough! 1.1790 0.03705 162 139 17 6
1775 Does it feel warmin here to you? 1.1790 0.03600 162 138 19 5
1776 I would like water that you can’t walk on. 1.1788 0.03650 151 128 19 4
1777 The bar-sign said "Ice Cold Beer!" 1.1788 0.03399 151 126 23 2
1778 Hey, buddy, I need more ice...a whole lot more ice, here! 1.1788 0.03884 151 130 15 6
1779 I have been going around in circles for a long time. 1.1788 0.03650 151 128 19 4
1780 Can you fucking believe it? A season-ending Achilles tear on his FOURTH SNAP?! 1.1788 0.03650 151 128 19 4
1781 Hey, earth to bartender, another whiskey please! 1.1788 0.03884 151 130 15 6
1782 Do you think I should see a doctor? I've been running a fever for the last decade or two. 1.1788 0.03996 151 131 13 7
1783 Whoa. Now I'm really spinning.” 1.1788 0.03884 151 130 15 6
1784 I thought I had problems. Boy Barkeep, you have the weight of the world on your bar. 1.1788 0.03374 179 152 22 5
1785 In the future... even Earth can't get ice. 1.1786 0.03711 168 145 16 7
1786 She said she wanted to see the world.And the next thing I know I'm in handcuffs! 1.1786 0.03961 140 120 15 5
1787 Do you have any low carb(on) beers? 1.1786 0.03961 140 120 15 5
1788 Thanks for listening. It's tough having the weight of the world on my shoulders. 1.1786 0.04089 140 121 13 6
1789 Give it to me straight! Do I look like Humpty Dumpty? 1.1786 0.04089 140 121 13 6
1790 So, I'm world weary..what of it? 1.1786 0.04089 140 121 13 6
1791 Stop, I'm incontinent. 1.1786 0.03961 140 120 15 5
1792 She's been acting weird ever since the eclipse. I think she might be cheating on me. 1.1783 0.03558 157 133 20 4
1793 I’ve got this infection called people and it’s killing me 1.1783 0.03321 157 131 24 2
1794 I can give her the world. But, she just wants Paris. 1.1783 0.04184 129 111 13 5
1795 Whoa, it's making me feeling warm all over. 1.1783 0.04036 129 110 15 4
1796 Keep the drinks coming until I’m in retrograde 1.1783 0.03724 129 108 19 2
1797 I get they’re unhappy, but looking for life somewhere else? 1.1783 0.04184 129 111 13 5
1798 What IS so funny about peace, love, and understanding? 1.1783 0.04464 129 113 9 7
1799 Why do I let people walk all over me? 1.1783 0.04464 129 113 9 7
1800 It’s to darn hot out there 1.1782 0.03021 174 144 29 1
1801 I’ll take a carbon capture on the rocks 1.1781 0.03596 146 123 20 3
1802 I know it’s meta. Please listen to my problems anyway! 1.1781 0.03596 146 123 20 3
1803 Bartender can I get some more ice? All mine has melted. 1.1781 0.03970 146 126 14 6
1804 If my life calls, I'm not here. 1.1781 0.03970 146 126 14 6
1805 Can I get half the booze but double the rocks? 1.1781 0.03725 146 124 18 4
1806 And then she said, "you're just not hot enough for me." 1.1781 0.03725 146 124 18 4
1807 Ugh, you know me. I have the whole world on my shoulders. 1.1781 0.03725 146 124 18 4
1808 Being the third of eight I don’t get much attention but as you’ve heard, I could use some help. 1.1781 0.03849 146 125 16 5
1809 Hit me again 1.1781 0.03596 146 123 20 3
1810 I know I look terrible. It's called climate change! 1.1781 0.04312 146 129 8 9
1811 I got a garbage patch as big as Texas, a wart on my ass the size of Mount Everest and my dick is shaped like New Zealand — but you know me, I can't complain! 1.1780 0.03635 191 167 14 10
1812 I’m really not sure how much more of this I can take! 1.1780 0.04604 118 103 9 6
1813 No one wants to visit me. 1.1779 0.03684 163 140 17 6
1814 Keep ‘em coming, Joe. And make sure there’s enough for everybody. 1.1779 0.03580 163 139 19 5
1815 Father Time is running out on us and our mom, Mother Earth. 1.1779 0.03580 163 139 19 5
1816 How come I'm the only planet here at Planet Hollywood? 1.1778 0.04567 135 120 6 9
1817 I told her my world revolves around her but she said she's more attracted to black holes. 1.1778 0.03915 135 115 16 4
1818 Could you turn up the A.C. a little? 1.1778 0.03537 180 155 18 7
1819 Bartender: Say, we don't get many planets in here. Earth: And at these prices — plus global warming, of course — you won't get many more. 1.1778 0.04318 135 118 10 7
1820 I found standing in a freezer helps with the baldness. 1.1778 0.03915 135 115 16 4
1821 Could you turn up the a/c? I’m boiling. 1.1778 0.03357 180 153 22 5
1822 It may be a small world, but it's giving me a big headache. 1.1778 0.03915 135 115 16 4
1823 Oh my God,I am so trashed! 1.1778 0.04054 135 116 14 5
1824 I'm just looking for something chill. 1.1776 0.03746 152 130 17 5
1825 A cold one, please. 1.1776 0.03860 152 131 15 6
1826 Oh, and don't get me started on the so called "Flat Earthers!" 1.1776 0.03379 152 127 23 2
1827 Set me up, Joe. I’ll have one more for Mother Nature and one more for the road. 1.1776 0.04080 152 133 11 8
1828 Hit me again, Sam. I feel like I’m carrying the weight of the world around these days. 1.1776 0.03972 152 132 13 7
1829 Could you show me the way to the next solar system 1.1774 0.04292 124 107 12 5
1830 One more for the orbit. 1.1773 0.03669 141 119 19 3
1831 I 'm simply fed up being on everyone's string! 1.1773 0.03528 141 118 21 2
1832 I am composed of 71% water, and that’s what you serve me? 1.1773 0.04062 141 122 13 6
1833 You would also badly need a drink if you had the kind of year I’ve had. 1.1772 0.03537 158 134 20 4
1834 They spin me more than they look at me 1.1772 0.03421 158 133 22 3
1835 Give me a Fireball shot. I’m giving up. 1.1772 0.03758 158 136 16 6
1836 I'll take a shot of climate stability 1.1772 0.03301 158 132 24 2
1837 It’s a Small World After All” drove me to drink 1.1772 0.03758 158 136 16 6
1838 We’re drinkin’, my friend, to the end of a brief cosmological episode, made briefer, I might add, by your massively screwed up species, Joe. 1.1771 0.03692 175 152 15 8
1839 Global warming makes me thirsty. 1.1769 0.03856 130 110 17 3
1840 I'll have another - double. This may be my last drink ever! 1.1769 0.04153 130 112 13 5
1841 And why is it always a "handbasket"? 1.1769 0.04153 130 112 13 5
1842 Hit me again...I'm feelin' a little shaky. 1.1769 0.04153 130 112 13 5
1843 The world's no place for a guy like me. 1.1769 0.04007 130 111 15 4
1844 I tried the Marie Kondo method, but humans just don’t spark joy. 1.1769 0.04061 147 128 12 7
1845 And the meteor like came out of nowhere man! 1.1769 0.03701 147 125 18 4
1846 Now 10 percent of the Earth is tequila! 1.1769 0.03573 147 124 20 3
1847 Earth? I'm Gorbachev's twin brother! 1.1769 0.03945 147 127 14 6
1848 That moonshine sure has a way of sneaking up on me. 1.1769 0.03945 147 127 14 6
1849 Hey would you mind watching my drink for 24 seconds? 1.1769 0.03573 147 124 20 3
1850 Don’t tell Mother Earth I’m here! 1.1769 0.04175 147 129 10 8
1851 It’s always something. 1.1769 0.04061 147 128 12 7
1852 I don't know why all the other planets feel so distant. 1.1769 0.03701 147 125 18 4
1853 Please tell me that this not last call. 1.1769 0.03701 147 125 18 4
1854 Hey, bartender, are you hot? I'm hot, I'm really hot, are you hot? 1.1768 0.03151 181 152 26 3
1855 Excuse me! Do you have any idea why my drink keeps getting warmer? 1.1768 0.03340 181 154 22 5
1856 Have you seen this guy Gorbachev? 1.1765 0.03889 136 116 16 4
1857 No straw, please. 1.1765 0.03889 136 116 16 4
1858 Atlas shrugged 1.1765 0.03598 136 114 20 2
1859 Thanks, but I'm not sure that's going to fix my drought problem! 1.1765 0.03476 170 145 20 5
1860 So it turns out, my brother's hiding behind the sun all this time. 1.1765 0.04244 119 102 13 4
1861 I just can't take it anymore. 1.1765 0.03889 136 116 16 4
1862 This wine has kind of an “earthy” aroma. 1.1765 0.03574 170 146 18 6
1863 And I always end up exactly where I began 1.1765 0.04159 136 118 12 6
1864 Give me something stiffer. We're running out of time. 1.1765 0.03374 170 144 22 4
1865 Global warming my ass. It’s herpes and some purple-haired tree hugger gave it to me. 1.1761 0.03491 176 151 19 6
1866 I don’t need to mix in water, I’m already 70% water. 1.1761 0.03672 176 153 15 8
1867 Ice quick! I’m burning up over here! 1.1761 0.03402 159 134 22 3
1868 Bartender, this drink is flat. 1.1761 0.03283 159 133 24 2
1869 I have no idea what I’m doing with my life. 1.1761 0.03283 159 133 24 2
1870 What's a world to do? 1.1761 0.04157 142 124 11 7
1871 Stop telling me the glass is half-full and just keep pouring. 1.1761 0.04157 142 124 11 7
1872 Can I get a little ice, please? 1.1761 0.03505 142 119 21 2
1873 Beach front property my foot! 1.1760 0.03945 125 106 16 3
1874 Oh, boy...have I had a day! 1.1760 0.04106 125 107 14 4
1875 I'm telling you, they don't do this crap to Mars or Venus. 1.1760 0.04692 125 111 6 8
1876 Hello! Hello! Glass half empty! 1.1758 0.03324 165 139 23 3
1877 I've tried quakes, floods just can't get rid of this infestation. 1.1758 0.03643 165 142 17 6
1878 Bye, Bye. 1.1758 0.03540 165 141 19 5
1879 I've got humans coming out my axis. 1.1757 0.03551 148 125 20 3
1880 The wall had zero posted warnings and all the King’s men were worthless. 1.1757 0.04036 148 129 12 7
1881 Make it a double, I’m dying. 1.1757 0.03419 148 124 22 2
1882 My ice keeps melting! Is this a man-made bar or what? 1.1757 0.03920 148 128 14 6
1883 If Trump calls, tell him I'm not here. 1.1757 0.03920 148 128 14 6
1884 It's all Mars, Mars, Mars -- no one cares about old Earth anymore! 1.1756 0.03979 131 112 15 4
1885 Day after day I revolve around others - but what do *I* want? 1.1756 0.03829 131 111 17 3
1886 So she told me, “The world doesn’t revolve around you!” 1.1756 0.03979 131 112 15 4
1887 Do you have decaffeinated dark matter? 1.1754 0.03356 171 145 22 4
1888 So Doc, I says, I really don't think these heat-flashes are menopause related. 1.1753 0.03584 154 131 19 4
1889 I have billions of these things on me, they itch, and I feel hot. 1.1753 0.03701 154 132 17 5
1890 Seriously?!? You've never even heard of 'ice'? 1.1753 0.03584 154 131 19 4
1891 A bartender, a rotating globe... it's just a job, not who we are! 1.1752 0.04383 137 121 8 8
1892 I drink because of childhood trauma. Let's just say he had the whole world in his hands. 1.1752 0.03862 137 117 16 4
1893 I could use one more but I already came in spinning. 1.1750 0.03496 160 136 20 4
1894 Yeah, I know, I was the temperate one for a while there 1.1750 0.03714 160 138 16 6
1895 May I have more ice in my drink? Mine has already melted. 1.1750 0.03496 160 136 20 4
1896 Please, I just want something cold and refreshing… 1.1750 0.04374 120 104 11 5
1897 And my axis, don't even get me started on my axis. 1.1748 0.04009 143 124 13 6
1898 If Musk gets his way, I'll be out of work sooner than everyone thinks. 1.1748 0.03884 143 123 15 5
1899 And just who do you think is carrying the 'cares of the world' on their shoulders? Jim Beam. That's who. 1.1748 0.04130 143 125 11 7
1900 My satellite doesn't understand me. 1.1748 0.03755 143 122 17 4
1901 This is my last one. My head is spinning. 1.1748 0.03338 143 119 23 1
1902 Don't I know you from sedimentary school? 1.1748 0.03884 143 123 15 5
1903 Since you don't have bar stools, let me also buy a drink for the poor slob I'm sitting on, who's got the weight of the world on his shoulders. 1.1747 0.03818 166 145 13 8
1904 I want another hot toddy 1.1747 0.03415 166 141 21 4
1905 Would a double on the rocks improve my spin on global warming? 1.1747 0.03415 166 141 21 4
1906 The source of all of life as we know it and all I get is one lousy day in April. 1.1747 0.03306 166 140 23 3
1907 All my ice melted. Gimme another double, all rocks. 1.1747 0.03520 166 142 19 5
1908 I'm a hot mess . . . either dehydrated or retaining water. 1.1746 0.04075 126 108 14 4
1909 I remember when they came down from the trees like it was yesterday. 1.1746 0.04075 126 108 14 4
1910 I'm in a me of trouble. 1.1746 0.03751 126 106 18 2
1911 Hot flashes? Brother, I’m dealing with global warming. 1.1746 0.04075 126 108 14 4
1912 Help me out buddy — where in me is Carmen Sandiego? 1.1746 0.04519 126 111 8 7
1913 I've got the weight of me on me. 1.1745 0.03529 149 126 20 3
1914 Until recently, I did not believe there was a hell 1.1745 0.03398 149 125 22 2
1915 And so I said to her, "No, I don't think everything revolves around me." 1.1745 0.03895 149 129 14 6
1916 Just a cold one please, 1.1744 0.03017 172 143 28 1
1917 I just flew around the sun and boy are my arms tired. 1.1742 0.03951 132 113 15 4
1918 I'm not sure "Don't sweat it" is the best advice you could give me. 1.1742 0.03802 132 112 17 3
1919 Not only that, there's no damned handbasket! 1.1742 0.03951 132 113 15 4
1920 You try being dropped by a Titan. 1.1742 0.04234 132 115 11 6
1921 Make it a double Sam! 1.1742 0.03951 132 113 15 4
1922 I'm feeling the weight of the world. 1.1742 0.04368 132 116 9 7
1923 I feel like I've got the weight of me on my shoulders. 1.1742 0.04095 132 114 13 5
1924 So, a star walks into a bar... 1.1742 0.03563 155 132 19 4
1925 Where do you want me to start? 1.1739 0.04473 138 123 6 9
1926 My head is still spinning 1.1739 0.03245 161 135 24 2
1927 Give me a double, I don't expect to be around much longer. 1.1739 0.03972 138 119 14 5
1928 "All my homo sapiens have gone out of their ever-loving minds. 1.1739 0.03476 161 137 20 4
1929 You have to let me in; they're trying to kill me out there 1.1739 0.03972 138 119 14 5
1930 So then she calls me an oddball. 1.1736 0.04103 144 126 11 7
1931 I just don’t know where the time goes. It’s as if I turn around and another day has gone by. 1.1736 0.03731 144 123 17 4
1932 Sure, Venus is lovely, but don't get me started about Mars. 1.1736 0.03859 144 124 15 5
1933 Sometimes I just feel like I’m in someone else’s shadow. 1.1736 0.03983 144 125 13 6
1934 Can I have some ice please? 1.1736 0.03859 144 124 15 5
1935 Everything was going great for 4 billion years, then the monkeys started using fire, and the next thing you know, they're messing with my climate!! 1.1736 0.04496 121 106 9 6
1936 Yes, believe it or. It, I can have a few bad turns now and then! 1.1736 0.04340 121 105 11 5
1937 Is it getting hot in here or is it just me? 1.1733 0.03754 150 129 16 5
1938 Climate change has driven me to drink! 1.1733 0.03507 150 127 20 3
1939 I'm feeling a little warm -- you sure this stuff's environmentally friendly? 1.1732 0.04045 127 109 14 4
1940 See you on the dark side of the moon. Cheers! 1.1732 0.04045 127 109 14 4
1941 Ever since I realized Lin-Manuel Miranda lives on me,it's sent me into an alcohol fueled depression. I also never really fully processed 9/11. 1.1732 0.04045 127 109 14 4
1942 Can i get the next one on the rocks? 1.1731 0.03656 156 134 17 5
1943 Mars told me I'm looking more like him every solar year. 1.1729 0.03923 133 114 15 4
1944 Gimme another water. I'm burnin' up." 1.1729 0.03775 133 113 17 3
1945 Are you too warm, or is it just me? 1.1729 0.03923 133 114 15 4
1946 I’ll have another fire and rain! 1.1729 0.04337 133 117 9 7
1947 Do you know any mature adults who are looking for a lonely planet? 1.1729 0.04337 133 117 9 7
1948 Why would anyone want to go to Mars? 1.1729 0.03923 133 114 15 4
1949 You’d drink too if you were me! 1.1728 0.03566 162 139 18 5
1950 Everyone calls me Mother Earth, but I’ve transitioned. 1.1728 0.03775 162 141 14 7
1951 I'm feeling kind of warm- may a have some ice? 1.1728 0.03672 162 140 16 6
1952 Extra ice, please... 1.1727 0.03811 139 119 16 4
1953 Just like everyone else: no one will listen. 1.1727 0.04201 139 122 10 7
1954 You think your life is boring, I spend the whole day going round and round. 1.1727 0.03811 139 119 16 4
1955 NO! That's the thing. I'm just a randomly colored sphere with a drinking problem. 1.1727 0.03945 139 120 14 5
1956 I'm telling ya, it was so hot in my house, I didn't catch a wink of sleep in July. 1.1727 0.03811 139 119 16 4
1957 Thanks for the drink. I was running dry. 1.1727 0.04075 139 121 12 6
1958 Do you see trees of green, red roses too? Well, I don't! 1.1727 0.03945 139 120 14 5
1959 Climate change? I think I've got Covid. 1.1727 0.03811 139 119 16 4
1960 Yeah, yeah, I look like earth. Lotta good that does me! 1.1727 0.03945 139 120 14 5
1961 My universe doesn't understand me! 1.1727 0.03945 139 120 14 5
1962 Another year and I'm right back where I started. 1.1727 0.04075 139 121 12 6
1963 One day you're the world to everyone, the next they anthropomorphize you into something comical! 1.1727 0.03671 139 118 18 3
1964 'It just seems like every time I turn around it's a new day!' 1.1726 0.03481 168 144 19 5
1965 More ice - quickly 1.1724 0.03296 145 121 23 1
1966 Lately, I do feel flat... 1.1724 0.04626 116 102 8 6
1967 Gorbachev had it easy. 1.1724 0.03707 145 124 17 4
1968 Hey, bartender, I'm dyin over here. 1.1724 0.04112 116 99 14 3
1969 Wiki defines me as a 'washed up cliché'!" 1.1724 0.03957 145 126 13 6
1970 I'm really not on anyone's back ! 1.1724 0.04076 145 127 11 7
1971 So then these punks start calling me 'flat.' Do I look flat to you? 1.1724 0.03575 145 123 19 3
1972 Another Round, please. This one’s gone Flat. 1.1724 0.03575 145 123 19 3
1973 More water, please. I have a notion that my oceans are drying up. 1.1722 0.03731 151 130 16 5
1974 She used to think the world of me. 1.1722 0.03960 151 132 12 7
1975 I tell ya, sometimes I feel the weight of me is on my shoulders 1.1722 0.03960 151 132 12 7
1976 I gave Atlas my key -- has he been in here lately? 1.1722 0.03731 151 130 16 5
1977 I just feel like I am being pulled in all different directions. 1.1722 0.04177 151 134 8 9
1978 I gotta tell you, it makes my head spin 1.1722 0.03960 151 132 12 7
1979 And at the end of the day that's all I am. A pale blue dot. 1.1721 0.04462 122 107 9 6
1980 They tell me “Hang on Humpty Dumpty” 1.1721 0.04147 122 105 13 4
1981 If the Sun calls, tell her I'm not here. 1.1721 0.04307 122 106 11 5
1982 They're killing me Joe! 1.1720 0.03853 157 137 13 7
1983 Could I get some ice for my drink? I'm running out. 1.1720 0.03280 157 132 23 2
1984 Did this drink have any plastics in it? I'm allergic to plastic! 1.1720 0.03745 157 136 15 6
1985 What on earth are we going to do? 1.1719 0.03860 128 109 16 3
1986 I’m seeing stars 1.1719 0.03697 128 108 18 2
1987 They say the earth's getting hotter, so why am I still single? 1.1719 0.03697 128 108 18 2
1988 I don't need a change of climate. 1.1718 0.03437 163 139 20 4
1989 Can you please play some Eartha? 1.1718 0.03437 163 139 20 4
1990 How about a glass of ice? 1.1718 0.03545 163 140 18 5
1991 And then it turns out that carbon dioxide is actually good for you! 1.1718 0.03437 163 139 20 4
1992 Pardon me, I'm hot and really need to Crack A Cold One. 1.1718 0.03545 163 140 18 5
1993 This climate change stuff is driving me to drink! 1.1718 0.03209 163 137 24 2
1994 What about me? When is it going to be MY turn to go into retrograde?" 1.1716 0.04037 134 116 13 5
1995 Look pal, if a big gray rock comes in asking about me, you never saw me. 1.1716 0.04174 134 117 11 6
1996 An ocean of your best chardonnay, Joe! 1.1716 0.04174 134 117 11 6
1997 So I says, ‘Sorry Pluto, we can’t date. You’re not even a planet.’ 1.1716 0.04174 134 117 11 6
1998 I swear its water! 1.1714 0.03479 175 151 18 6
1999 I feel like my head's spinning. 1.1714 0.03503 140 118 20 2
2000 I'm in a world of hurt. 1.1714 0.03785 140 120 16 4
2001 You know how it goes: everybody celebrates Earth DAY, but at night, I'm on my own. 1.1714 0.03919 140 121 14 5
2002 Don't be so stingy. I'm not asking you to serve everyone on the planet. 1.1714 0.04173 140 123 10 7
2003 People keep talking about my glow up but honestly I haven't been feeling that hot about myself lately. 1.1714 0.03919 140 121 14 5
2004 I need more than a drink. 1.1712 0.03417 146 123 21 2
2005 What’s in this drink? My head is spinning.” 1.1712 0.04050 146 128 11 7
2006 I complain about my hot flashes and I'm told they're not real. I just want to be heard, y'know? 1.1712 0.03809 146 126 15 5
2007 A triple water, please. And keep ‘em coming! 1.1712 0.03683 146 125 17 4
2008 I think that the Moon stood me up again" 1.1712 0.03683 146 125 17 4
2009 I'm afraid it was just another abusive relationship. 1.1712 0.04050 146 128 11 7
2010 Though I am crawling with them, I assure you they are not ants!” 1.1711 0.03708 152 131 16 5
2011 Can I have some more ice? I'm really burning up! 1.1711 0.03337 152 128 22 2
2012 I haven’t missed a day in 4.5 billion years and yet it feels like no one there even cares about me!” 1.1709 0.04079 117 100 14 3
2013 I don't know why Mars is so desirable, do you? 1.1709 0.03723 158 137 15 6
2014 A big serving of whirled peas, please. 1.1707 0.03525 164 141 18 5
2015 Can I get a bunch of ice? 1.1707 0.04115 123 106 13 4
2016 Nothing personal, but of all my parasites your kind is the worst.” 1.1707 0.04274 123 107 11 5
2017 May I have some ice? I think I’m going through climate change! 1.1707 0.03525 164 141 18 5
2018 No one seems to care about me. 1.1706 0.03443 170 146 19 5
2019 Neat please! I’m done with shaken, stirred and on the rocks. 1.1706 0.03639 170 148 15 7
2020 Sometimes I just wish an asteroid would come along and put me out of my misery! 1.1705 0.04280 129 113 10 6
2021 Do you know what's like when they say 'the whole world is watching?' 1.1705 0.03832 129 110 16 3
2022 Joe, don't they realize life on Earth itches? 1.1705 0.04136 129 112 12 5
2023 Can you believe this, I gave her the world and she ends up with Uranus. 1.1705 0.04280 129 113 10 6
2024 This heat is a killer. Make it another cold one. 1.1705 0.03987 129 111 14 4
2025 They say that love makes the world go round. But believe me, Joe, it's alcohol. 1.1705 0.04280 129 113 10 6
2026 When I was kid I was 3/4 water. 1.1704 0.04276 135 119 9 7
2027 Hit me! Everybody else is doing it. 1.1704 0.04145 135 118 11 6
2028 If I hear one more time-What on Earth are you doing here! 1.1704 0.03724 135 115 17 3
2029 Sorry there is no more ice left for you to cool you down. 1.1704 0.03724 135 115 17 3
2030 These climate deniers are driving me to drink. 1.1704 0.03869 135 116 15 4
2031 Can I get a seat on that mission to Mars? 1.1704 0.03724 135 115 17 3
2032 My biggest problem is that I'm bipolar. 1.1704 0.04009 135 117 13 5
2033 Have you seen a little hottie called Venus - she's so high? 1.1704 0.04009 135 117 13 5
2034 Sir, my ice melted. 1.1704 0.03572 135 114 19 2
2035 I lost my ring Bob, Saturn's gonna kill me! 1.1702 0.03760 141 121 16 4
2036 I'm seriously thinking of ending it all... 1.1702 0.03760 141 121 16 4
2037 Does it LOOK like I'm going to hell 1.1702 0.03893 141 122 14 5
2038 Check please. It's been a long day. 1.1702 0.03893 141 122 14 5
2039 The world is going to hell and nobody cares. What do I do now? 1.1702 0.03623 141 120 18 3
2040 A fire, a tornado, and a hurricane walk into a bar....ah, never mind." 1.1702 0.03893 141 122 14 5
2041 Man, I have mountains of problems. My governments have caused me floods of tears and horrible breaking winds, the tree-huggers are dirt poor, the oligarchs are using up my natural oils, and Russia will not behave no matter how many rocks I throw! 1.1701 0.03785 147 127 15 5
2042 Cut me off before I start spinning. 1.1701 0.03530 147 125 19 3
2043 Atlas needed to take the day off, his neck's in pretty bad shape. 1.1701 0.03906 147 128 13 6
2044 A/C not working today??? 1.1701 0.03660 147 126 17 4
2045 That was tough when he had the whole of me in his hands. 1.1701 0.03660 147 126 17 4
2046 ...so then I say to my Boss, "What's a Human?" 1.1701 0.03530 147 125 19 3
2047 What am I doing here? What am I doing here? Have you been reading the newspapers or watching CNN? 1.1699 0.03800 153 133 14 6
2048 I miss my friends the dinosaurs. 1.1699 0.03567 153 131 18 4
2049 Just water, thanks. I’m trying to flatten out. 1.1699 0.03567 153 131 18 4
2050 I have no idea how a cue ball gets an STD... 1.1698 0.03701 159 138 15 6
2051 …And yet I’m still dizzy, after spinning for ages! 1.1698 0.04126 106 90 14 2
2052 And then all my glaciers melted. 1.1698 0.03480 159 136 19 4
2053 Ho, boy, what I could tell you, you don't wanna know!" 1.1697 0.03173 165 139 24 2
2054 Sometimes I feel like no one cares! 1.1696 0.04373 112 97 11 4
2055 So I told him, “you can’t take him off the team! We need nine to play ball!” 1.1696 0.03523 171 148 17 6
2056 I think the planet deserves a good stiff drink 1.1696 0.03217 171 145 23 3
2057 Where's the ice? 1.1695 0.04390 118 103 10 5
2058 Goodbye cruel bar. 1.1695 0.03348 177 152 20 5
2059 Every day is a revolution. Want to join? 1.1695 0.04552 118 104 8 6
2060 I never wanted to get divorced, but Sunny thought my life should revolve around her! 1.1695 0.04390 118 103 10 5
2061 Stop calling me Patches. I have vitiligo. 1.1695 0.04222 118 102 12 4
2062 The other planets voted me designated drinker. 1.1694 0.04084 124 107 13 4
2063 No one understands me. I have needs too. 1.1694 0.04084 124 107 13 4
2064 It’s like they don’t even care. 1.1694 0.03570 124 104 19 1
2065 Did you hear the one about the earth walks into a bar ? 1.1694 0.03921 124 106 15 3
2066 I feel like my life just goes in circles. 1.1692 0.03958 130 112 14 4
2067 I’ve got the weight of some guy on my shoulders! 1.1692 0.03805 130 111 16 3
2068 Atlas dropped me when I was a child! 1.1692 0.04249 130 114 10 6
2069 I know they don't mean it, but 'the whole world just sucks' hurts. 1.1692 0.04106 130 113 12 5
2070 I said neat. Do I look like I need more water? 1.1692 0.03645 130 110 18 2
2071 It has been a rough year. Make it a double, please! 1.1692 0.04106 130 113 12 5
2072 Look at me...and they keep sayin' it's just a hoax! 1.1692 0.03958 130 112 14 4
2073 Wait, I ordered a Cosmos 1.1691 0.03843 136 117 15 4
2074 Hi, from the world. 1.1691 0.03843 136 117 15 4
2075 If you really wanted to save the planet, the next drink would be on the house. 1.1690 0.03867 142 123 14 5
2076 Can I get some ice, I’m boiling over here. 1.1690 0.03600 142 121 18 3
2077 I just caught 7 other planets circling my beloved sunshine! 1.1690 0.03600 142 121 18 3
2078 The wildfires were the final straw. 1.1690 0.03458 142 120 20 2
2079 But there’s still 90 seconds to midnight. 1.1690 0.03994 142 124 12 6
2080 Not shaken, not stirred. Just on the rocks, all night long! 1.1690 0.03600 142 121 18 3
2081 Is it getting warm in here -- or is it me? 1.1689 0.03637 148 127 17 4
2082 It’s your fault, you know. 1.1689 0.03761 148 128 15 5
2083 What do you mean? You only take bitcoin? 1.1689 0.03375 148 125 21 2
2084 And so I said, "do you think I'm hot". 1.1689 0.03508 148 126 19 3
2085 I just need the booze, I'm already mostly made of water. 1.1689 0.03761 148 128 15 5
2086 Half full? Half empty? Just top me off. 1.1689 0.03881 148 129 13 6
2087 It really burns me up the way they treat me! 1.1688 0.03545 154 132 18 4
2088 Even the ice in my drink melts. 1.1688 0.03545 154 132 18 4
2089 Oh man, you will not believe the day I have had. 1.1688 0.03663 154 133 16 5
2090 I ordered a DOUBLE Long Drink, Sir 1.1688 0.03297 154 130 22 2
2091 I’m parched, make it a double! 1.1687 0.03486 166 143 18 5
2092 Is this filtered?? 1.1687 0.03269 166 141 22 3
2093 Hot flashes, man—now I REALLY get it! 1.1681 0.04151 113 97 13 3
2094 You gotta believe me, Charlie. I'm flushed and winded, have tremors, and feel like I'm spinning out of control. 1.1681 0.03956 113 96 15 2
2095 Being the host of parasitic humans has nearly ruined me. That’s why I drink. 1.1681 0.03834 119 101 16 2
2096 I’m afraid I tell you, there trying to kill me 1.1680 0.04361 125 110 9 6
2097 Anything on the rocks and make it a double. 1.1680 0.04506 125 111 7 7
2098 And if Trump wins... 1.1679 0.03930 131 113 14 4
2099 Buddy, I've got a world of problems... 1.1679 0.04077 131 114 12 5
2100 Just bring me the bottle 1.1679 0.03930 131 113 14 4
2101 Is it true that single malt absorbs CO2? 1.1679 0.03930 131 113 14 4
2102 You think this is hot? You shoulda been here for the big bang. 1.1679 0.03930 131 113 14 4
2103 Believe me, I really don't know what went wrong 1.1679 0.03930 131 113 14 4
2104 Keep 'em coming, I'm two thirds water! 1.1679 0.03930 131 113 14 4
2105 And then she says, “Cool it! You’re getting too heated!” 1.1679 0.03930 131 113 14 4
2106 Make it a "triple" this time. I can't go back out there sober! 1.1679 0.03524 137 116 19 2
2107 It's hard to resist, when it's always 5:00 somewhere in the world. 1.1679 0.04088 137 120 11 6
2108 Problems? You bet. No one treats me with respect anymore. 1.1679 0.03673 137 117 17 3
2109 All these sectarian conflicts are wearing me out. What do you have for that? 1.1679 0.03524 137 116 19 2
2110 Do you have any peanuts? It’s been a long time since I’ve had anything complimentary. 1.1679 0.03673 137 117 17 3
2111 Can I get some more ice, I'm burning up over here. 1.1679 0.03816 137 118 15 4
2112 If I don't have a reason to DRINK no one does. Who do those radical, republican, science deniers think they are? 1.1679 0.03955 137 119 13 5
2113 Well, if I rotate the other way a little bit, then it won’t be closing time. So, just chill and let me finish my story. 1.1679 0.04088 137 120 11 6
2114 It’s not my fault things are changing for the worse for me. 1.1678 0.03842 143 124 14 5
2115 Troubles? Talk about troubles? I'm just warming up. 1.1678 0.03576 143 122 18 3
2116 I tell you, I'm dying, and too few give a shit! 1.1678 0.04090 143 126 10 7
2117 It's either a melanoma or plate tectonics. 1.1678 0.03712 143 123 16 4
2118 What in the world are you talking about? 1.1678 0.03436 143 121 20 2
2119 So I says to the guy, boy is it hot in here. 1.1678 0.03576 143 122 18 3
2120 Five years at this job and I'm still going around in circles. 1.1678 0.03857 149 130 13 6
2121 Better bring me the bottle. 1.1678 0.03354 149 126 21 2
2122 And then Luna tells me, “We just keep going round and round and never getting anywhere.” 1.1678 0.03738 149 129 15 5
2123 I'm burning up! Can I get some environmental protection with that side of ice please? 1.1677 0.03524 155 133 18 4
2124 A double scotch will fix the Panama Canal Nancy M. Frieden 2202 Kendal Way, Sleepy Hollosw, NY 10591 914 922 1843 1.1677 0.03641 155 134 16 5
2125 You don't want to know what I've been through. 1.1677 0.03277 155 131 22 2
2126 Everyone is always complaining about the weight of the world on their shoulders. But it's mostly water weight! 1.1677 0.03524 155 133 18 4
2127 It's all messed up, no matter what spin I put on it 1.1677 0.03403 155 132 20 3
2128 ...and now they expect me to return to the office as if nothing happened. 1.1677 0.03403 155 132 20 3
2129 When I'm the one that needs a drink, there's a problem. 1.1677 0.03658 161 140 15 6
2130 So…people think I’m cruel? 1.1677 0.03251 167 142 22 3
2131 Water? Please, anything but water." Curt Wyffels, Plymouth, M 1.1677 0.03360 167 143 20 4
2132 Okay, I'm the one who loaded up the jukebox with Air Supply. 1.1667 0.04117 114 98 13 3
2133 This heat is killing me.” 1.1667 0.03256 132 110 22 0
2134 Lately, they're all on thin ice. 1.1667 0.03902 132 114 14 4
2135 Why do people insist on talking about my weight? 1.1667 0.03928 138 120 13 5
2136 Then she sez 'you got cooties! Eight billion of them!' 1.1667 0.04060 138 121 11 6
2137 I just need an unexhaustable supply of cool, clear water. 1.1667 0.03530 162 140 17 5
2138 God, Nobody listens to me. 1.1667 0.03791 138 119 15 4
2139 Could you refill my ice? 1.1667 0.03791 138 119 15 4
2140 She knew the moon and I were attracted to each other way before we got married" 1.1667 0.03414 144 122 20 2
2141 Why am I the only one concerned with my fate? 1.1667 0.03465 150 128 19 3
2142 At our age, you’d think we wouldn’t be changing so much. 1.1667 0.03342 168 144 20 4
2143 I think the Earth is out of place 1.1667 0.03553 144 123 18 3
2144 Could I get some water? 1.1667 0.03751 132 113 16 3
2145 Nah, seriously! I'm in a whole world of hurt. or Don't look at me like that. My crisis is everybody's crisis! 1.1667 0.04188 138 122 9 7
2146 HELP ME FATHER 1.1667 0.03200 180 154 22 4
2147 I'm done with you guys! 1.1667 0.03447 168 145 18 5
2148 I'm sick and tired of heating up, make the next drink a double. 1.1667 0.03233 168 143 22 3
2149 More ice. Less water! 1.1667 0.03346 138 116 21 1
2150 Every time I complain, "It's so hot," some wiseass shouts "How hot is it?". I've run out of punchlines. 1.1667 0.03791 138 119 15 4
2151 And then Venus walked in. So hot and red. It was all over for me. 1.1667 0.04179 126 110 11 5
2152 I’m in a world of hurt, I tell ya, a world of hurt! 1.1667 0.03817 144 125 14 5
2153 My whole world is falling apart! 1.1667 0.04063 144 127 10 7
2154 Keep ‘em coming. I’m just warming up. 1.1667 0.03695 126 107 17 2
2155 I feel like like I'm not getting anywhere. Like I'm just going around in circles. 1.1667 0.03530 162 140 17 5
2156 The earth is drinking water because the water is eighty percent of the body 1.1667 0.03592 150 129 17 4
2157 it’s called a world wide, sake, schnapps, and bourbon 1.1667 0.03804 120 102 16 2
2158 I’m here to solve the problems of the world. 1.1667 0.04648 114 101 7 6
2159 Can you recommend a strong, pick-me-upper? 1.1667 0.03751 132 113 16 3
2160 Could I get some more ice? Mine’s melting. 1.1667 0.03833 150 131 13 6
2161 Thanks,Sam. Guess I'll be wobbling off now. 1.1667 0.03346 138 116 21 1
2162 It all started with Adam and Eve 1.1667 0.03102 180 153 24 3
2163 I have all the problems in the world 1.1667 0.03863 126 108 15 3
2164 Why so glum Charlie? People think the world of you. 1.1667 0.03188 162 137 23 2
2165 Thank you! You help me keep the peace. 1.1667 0.04188 132 116 10 6
2166 Whoa! This drink tastes likes it's 71% water. 1.1667 0.03503 156 134 18 4
2167 It hurts too much to laugh and I am too old to cry 1.1667 0.03928 138 120 13 5
2168 Is it me, or is it getting too hot in here? 1.1667 0.03902 132 114 14 4
2169 She said I looked hot…should I have asked for her number? 1.1667 0.03863 126 108 15 3
2170 Make it a double. No, triple. Oh, just give me the whole bottle. 1.1667 0.03503 156 134 18 4
2171 Excuse me. I ordered a hurricane. 1.1667 0.03503 156 134 18 4
2172 And now I'm "cancelled" because I flooded a couple islands down in the Carribean. Big deal! No one even knew they existed before! *heavy sigh* Sometimes I wish I could be sucked into a black hole. 1.1657 0.03529 169 147 16 6
2173 Just one more to warm up, please! 1.1656 0.03287 163 139 21 3
2174 Another ice water, please. And make it a triple shot. 1.1656 0.03597 157 136 16 5
2175 Did you say last call? 1.1656 0.03239 157 133 22 2
2176 I’ve been hearing voices. 1.1656 0.03482 157 135 18 4
2177 The earth wants to talk to the bartender 1.1656 0.03691 151 131 15 5
2178 Who is this 'Atlas' guy anyway? 1.1656 0.03177 151 127 23 1
2179 Thanks for listening, it means the world to me. 1.1656 0.03570 151 130 17 4
2180 Not only is this drink flat … 1.1656 0.03444 151 129 19 3
2181 I keep telling her I can't be her whole world. 1.1656 0.03691 151 131 15 5
2182 WTF?! 1.1655 0.03916 145 127 12 6
2183 Oh it's excruciating, but I've tried everything, and I can't get them off. 1.1655 0.03916 145 127 12 6
2184 Do you want to know about the problems of the world? 1.1655 0.03664 145 125 16 4
2185 When the world has had enough 1.1655 0.03664 145 125 16 4
2186 She ran off with some hot shot comet, she claims that I've changed. 1 degree, Hank, I changed 1 degree! 1.1655 0.03792 145 126 14 5
2187 It seems like this is the only place anyone will listen to Me anymore! Gimme another 1.1655 0.03531 145 124 18 3
2188 Yes,ice again please. 1.1655 0.03392 145 123 20 2
2189 Seriously, that’s all I get? You do know your entire existence depends on me…right? 1.1655 0.03664 145 125 16 4
2190 Let me tell you what’ s wrong with me 1.1655 0.03624 139 119 17 3
2191 Ok ok ok let me tell you about Mars: man, I mean...fuck Mars. 1.1655 0.04160 139 123 9 7
2192 Please make the next one 'on the rocks.' 1.1655 0.03477 139 118 19 2
2193 I have needs, Man. 1.1655 0.03477 139 118 19 2
2194 This is going to end in disaster. 1.1655 0.04033 139 122 11 6
2195 Bubbles alone are fine, it’s the carbonation I can do without. 1.1655 0.03624 139 119 17 3
2196 WHO just fired me. 1.1655 0.03477 139 118 19 2
2197 I've been a globalist forever but why are people upset about it now? 1.1654 0.04019 133 116 12 5
2198 Can you open a few windows? 1.1654 0.03875 133 115 14 4
2199 Joe, what's in this drink? I feel like I'm spinning. 1.1654 0.04019 133 116 12 5
2200 I won't be here for long, so make the next one a double. 1.1654 0.04159 133 117 10 6
2201 Is it just me or are you feeling warmer too? 1.1654 0.03725 133 114 16 3
2202 Why do you hate me? 1.1654 0.03569 133 113 18 2
2203 Thanks for the clear clean water. I really needed it.” 1.1654 0.04296 127 112 9 6
2204 I’m still struggling with my ‘flat’ complex. 1.1654 0.04148 127 111 11 5
2205 Everything just seems to run hot and cold lately. 1.1654 0.03994 127 110 13 4
2206 Anything on ice; Hold the Anything. 1.1653 0.03953 121 104 14 3
2207 She said I was her whole world. 1.1653 0.04124 121 105 12 4
2208 So this one dog says “I made the moon disappear, top that!” Next thing I know I’m sitting here. 1.1653 0.04445 121 107 8 6
2209 And don't even get me started on the hot flashes! 1.1653 0.04124 121 105 12 4
2210 ...and then I found out the Moon is seeing other planets. 1.1652 0.04266 115 100 11 4
2211 I'm a walking example of what the world will look like if we don't do something about climate change. 1.1652 0.03892 115 98 15 2
2212 I just lost my mother 1.1646 0.03031 164 138 25 1
2213 How many millennia do I have to put up with this shitty climate?" 1.1646 0.03490 164 142 17 5
2214 I need a cold one. Temperatures have been out of control! 1.1646 0.03268 164 140 21 3
2215 Nobody cares. 1.1646 0.03220 158 134 22 2
2216 I’ve seen the dark side of the moon. 1.1646 0.03795 158 139 12 7
2217 And then he says, "You've got carbon up the kazoo," as if it's MY fault! 1.1646 0.03576 158 137 16 5
2218 Atlas shrugged and now I'm going to pieces. 1.1645 0.03668 152 132 15 5
2219 I'll have a Corpse Reviver No. 2, please 1.1645 0.03548 152 131 17 4
2220 when the world waves good-bye to you. 1.1645 0.03785 152 133 13 6
2221 So set'em up,Joe,I have a little story I think you should know. 1.1645 0.03423 152 130 19 3
2222 Earth: “Bourbon on the rocks” Bartender: “We are out of ice” Earth: “Same” 1.1645 0.03548 152 131 17 4
2223 YOU FORGOT THE ICE! 1.1644 0.03640 146 126 16 4
2224 See you later Joe, my whole body is spinning. 1.1644 0.03768 146 127 14 5
2225 Is it pumpkin spice season yet? 1.1644 0.03768 146 127 14 5
2226 What's the world coming to? Joe's bar as you can see 1.1644 0.04011 146 129 10 7
2227 No more for me, I’m trying to watch my equator. 1.1644 0.03508 146 125 18 3
2228 Seriously men! I have fleas … Look! Look! … they walk all over! 1.1644 0.03508 146 125 18 3
2229 Ya know,some days I feel like I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders. 1.1644 0.03640 146 126 16 4
2230 Yo, can you turn on the air conditioning please? 1.1643 0.04005 140 123 11 6
2231 Excuse me can I use the bathroom? I have diarrhea. 1.1643 0.04132 140 124 9 7
2232 Yeah, don't even get me started on the Moon! 1.1643 0.03875 140 122 13 5
2233 What do you mean your ice machine is broken?! 1.1643 0.04005 140 123 11 6
2234 Remember me, Earth 1.1643 0.03740 140 121 15 4
2235 Am I looking a little round to you? 1.1643 0.03600 140 120 17 3
2236 Can you point me somewhere that isn’t Last Chance Saloon? 1.1643 0.03600 140 120 17 3
2237 No respect. I tell ya Mack I get no respect at all. 1.1642 0.03991 134 117 12 5
2238 No, she didn’t leave me for another planet. She left me for a ‘dwarf’ planet! 1.1642 0.03848 134 116 14 4
2239 I can’t wait to fall back. 1.1642 0.03991 134 117 12 5
2240 Fill my glass up from my Mississippi. 1.1642 0.03544 134 114 18 2
2241 I'm drinking what?! 1.1642 0.03544 134 114 18 2
2242 Wind was here? And Fire?! 1.1642 0.03848 134 116 14 4
2243 It really was out of this world. 1.1642 0.03699 134 115 16 3
2244 You'll tell when I've had enough, right? 1.1642 0.04263 134 119 8 7
2245 …and the wildfires! Oh boy, if the floods weren’t bad enough!” 1.1642 0.03991 134 117 12 5
2246 I tell ya I'm feeling seismic changes in my personality! 1.1642 0.03848 134 116 14 4
2247 The world does not revolve around you, Sam. 1.1642 0.03544 134 114 18 2
2248 Men from Mars, women from Venus, and I keep getting caught between them. 1.1641 0.04117 128 112 11 5
2249 Am I all there is? 1.1641 0.03965 128 111 13 4
2250 It's no use: I can't hold my water. 1.1641 0.03965 128 111 13 4
2251 I tell you, first they suck you dry, then they pump you full of gas and light a match…what are you gonna do? 1.1639 0.04092 122 106 12 4
2252 Can I have some ice caps? 1.1639 0.04092 122 106 12 4
2253 It's not like I never had problems, but man, in the past few years, it has been one crisis after another. 1.1639 0.04411 122 108 8 6
2254 Have any ice? Mine is melting. 1.1636 0.03250 165 141 21 3
2255 Do you have anything for an infestation of bipeds? 1.1636 0.04190 110 95 12 3
2256 Is this place hot, or is it just me? 1.1635 0.03323 159 136 20 3
2257 Do you know what it's like to have the weight of the world on your shoulders? 1.1635 0.03441 159 137 18 4
2258 I should never have given up drinking! 1.1634 0.03139 153 129 23 1
2259 More ice, please. I'm dying here. 1.1633 0.03617 147 127 16 4
2260 I lost a bet. 1.1633 0.03350 147 125 20 2
2261 They're still discussing 1.1633 0.03617 147 127 16 4
2262 I need a cold one! 1.1633 0.03486 147 126 18 3
2263 And another, bartender. Blue planet got the blues. 1.1633 0.03744 147 128 14 5
2264 Ice? Can't remember the last time I had ice! 1.1631 0.03432 141 120 19 2
2265 It's so hard! At my core I'm an introvert. 1.1631 0.03715 141 122 15 4
2266 Make it a double. I'm just warming up. 1.1631 0.03849 141 123 13 5
2267 I need a bit more than an ice cold sex on the beach! 1.1631 0.03849 141 123 13 5
2268 Sometimes it feels like I'm carrying the world on my shoulders. 1.1630 0.03674 135 116 16 3
2269 My lifeforms don't understand me. 1.1630 0.04100 135 119 10 6
2270 Whaddaya mean there’s no ice? 1.1630 0.03963 135 118 12 5
2271 Can I have some ice? 1.1630 0.03520 135 115 18 2
2272 I'll take anything without carbonation. 1.1630 0.03821 135 117 14 4
2273 On the rocks,and quick - before that narcissist Sun gets here. 1.1630 0.03674 135 116 16 3
2274 And what does he do? He just SHRUGS! 1.1630 0.03520 135 115 18 2
2275 They’re trying to leave me for Mars 1.1630 0.03963 135 118 12 5
2276 Covid, el nino, fires, floods, quakes, hurricanes, heat waves - and you wonder what am I coming too? 1.1630 0.03821 135 117 14 4
2277 Four and a half billion years old, and now I get hot flashes?! 1.1630 0.03963 135 118 12 5
2278 Have you seen a guy called Atlas lately? 1.1630 0.03963 135 118 12 5
2279 On second thought, make it on the rocks. 1.1628 0.03936 129 112 13 4
2280 Can you recommend a suitable iced cocktail that will cool me down? 1.1628 0.04087 129 113 11 5
2281 Atlas shrugged. Need I say more? 1.1628 0.03615 129 110 17 2
2282 And it feels like I'm on fire, you know, but nobody's listening. 1.1628 0.03779 129 111 15 3
2283 If Pluto can lose his job, it can happen to any of us! 1.1628 0.04087 129 113 11 5
2284 can you lend a hand... 1.1628 0.03615 129 110 17 2
2285 A little ice? 1.1626 0.04061 123 107 12 4
2286 I’m dying anyway. Give me a double! 1.1626 0.04061 123 107 12 4
2287 Bartender. Could you turn off the AC, it's killing me! 1.1626 0.04527 123 110 6 7
2288 How's about some ice in it; I'm feeling warmer lately. 1.1625 0.03421 160 138 18 4
2289 I've been talking about UFO's for centuries! 1.1625 0.03644 160 140 14 6
2290 No one respects me anymore. It is like I'm not even here. 1.1624 0.04018 117 101 13 3
2291 Oh no! I think my South Pole is leaking. 1.1624 0.03633 117 99 17 1
2292 What I really need now is love sweet love. 1.1623 0.03381 154 132 19 3
2293 Oy, am I schvitzing over here... 1.1622 0.03720 148 129 14 5
2294 Sunrise...sunset".. 1.1622 0.03329 148 126 20 2
2295 Thanks for the quencher. It's just too hot out there. 1.1622 0.03959 148 131 10 7
2296 Why do I need water? I’m mostly water 1.1622 0.03024 185 158 24 3
2297 They keep telling me to chill out! 1.1622 0.03188 148 125 22 1
2298 You know, no one ever says ‘Big world!’” 1.1622 0.03594 148 128 16 4
2299 I haven't any drinkable water left. Where do you get yours? 1.1622 0.03594 148 128 16 4
2300 I just wanna cool down a bit. 1.1620 0.03952 142 125 11 6
2301 What's on the menu for World Order? 1.1620 0.03553 142 122 17 3
2302 Thanks using a glass. I’m sick of water bottles. 1.1620 0.03553 142 122 17 3
2303 I don't know how much more of this climate change I can handle. 1.1620 0.03824 142 124 13 5
2304 It's like all the good single ladies have disappeared into a black hole! 1.1620 0.03691 142 123 15 4
2305 By the time I leave, I want to be mostly scotch and water. 1.1620 0.03691 142 123 15 4
2306 Is it just me, or is it hot in here? _______________________________ ~ Ellen Zaslow, Sausalito, CA 1.1620 0.03553 142 122 17 3
2307 I come here for the grasshoppers because they're still green. 1.1620 0.03409 142 121 19 2
2308 If I tell you something Atlas, promise not to shrug again? 1.1620 0.03553 142 122 17 3
2309 My axis of evil is acting up again. 1.1619 0.04514 105 92 9 4
2310 And then I find out she's had a thing with all ALL the inner planets. 1.1618 0.03936 136 119 12 5
2311 It's hard being Earth. 1.1618 0.03496 136 116 18 2
2312 It's getting so bad here, I am thinking of changing orbits 1.1618 0.03795 136 118 14 4
2313 I'm just trying to cool off 1.1618 0.03795 136 118 14 4
2314 I'll have another Climate Change, with very little ice. 1.1618 0.03795 136 118 14 4
2315 On the rocks, please. I need to cool off. 1.1618 0.03795 136 118 14 4
2316 Im going through the change, hot flashes and all. 1.1618 0.04072 136 120 10 6
2317 Oh, come on! Do I look flat to you? I wish. 1.1618 0.03795 136 118 14 4
2318 The universe has it out for me. 1.1618 0.03496 136 116 18 2
2319 Easy for you to say. You aren't stuck with Darwin's theory of evolution. 1.1618 0.03649 136 117 16 3
2320 Yeah,I know…I look like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders. 1.1618 0.03936 136 119 12 5
2321 My sense of humor is too polarized for relevant social commentary. 1.1615 0.03752 130 112 15 3
2322 I’ll take your specialty, around the world cocktail! 1.1615 0.03419 130 110 19 1
2323 This drink is watered down. Trust me, I'd know. 1.1615 0.04057 130 114 11 5
2324 Sorry, my bad... Volcanoes. 1.1615 0.03752 130 112 15 3
2325 Is it just me or does anyone else think it's getting hot? 1.1615 0.03752 130 112 15 3
2326 I'm not feeling well. 1.1615 0.03752 130 112 15 3
2327 With things as they are, I'm pretty sure I don't want to have children. 1.1615 0.03908 130 113 13 4
2328 She was getting thinner and thinner and then one night she just up and disappears 1.1615 0.03752 130 112 15 3
2329 It’s like, this bar is the only place my head isn’t spinning, you know!? 1.1615 0.03401 161 139 18 4
2330 Can I get a refill? I'm burning up over here. 1.1615 0.03285 161 138 20 3
2331 ...Really, I'm just tired of being orbited! They keep pulling on my tides like I wont notice... 1.1613 0.03102 155 131 23 1
2332 I just worry that if there were an "Earth 2", I'd probably be the last to know about it. 1.1613 0.04030 124 108 12 4
2333 I've got a whole world of problems, but who would listen...? 1.1613 0.03864 124 107 14 3
2334 All I said was, “Let’s eat, Uranus!” 1.1613 0.03864 124 107 14 3
2335 I just need a little something to cool me down. 1.1613 0.03361 155 133 19 3
2336 Heard the one about the climate denialist and the flat-earther who walked into a bar together? 1.1613 0.04030 124 108 12 4
2337 People make me sick! 1.1613 0.04190 124 109 10 5
2338 If I was flat, it would all be different! 1.1613 0.04190 124 109 10 5
2339 She told me I was 'hot', and like an idiot I took it the wrong way. 1.1613 0.04030 124 108 12 4
2340 Can I get a Hurricane chaser? 1.1611 0.03572 149 129 16 4
2341 Is it just me, or is the whole world spinning? 1.1611 0.03934 149 132 10 7
2342 I tell ya buddy, it sure is a small world after-all. 1.1611 0.03572 149 129 16 4
2343 I’ve got the weight of my shoulders on my shoulders. 1.1611 0.03572 149 129 16 4
2344 Hey since it looks like nobody is going to show up and save me could I at least get another vodka tonic on the house? 1.1611 0.03572 149 129 16 4
2345 Is it me, or is it getting hotter in here? 1.1610 0.04164 118 103 11 4
2346 It's not like I want to spew lava and spawn tornadoes, earthquakes, and hurricanes, but you people are killing me 1.1610 0.04335 118 104 9 5
2347 Can you blame me? 1.1608 0.03667 143 124 15 4
2348 It’s no fun being a stage when these are the men and women as players I’m dealing with. 1.1608 0.03530 143 123 17 3
2349 C’mon man! This glass of water won’t fix it! Al tried to warn you 17 years ago….it’s not the heat, it’s the blanket of gases you have thrown on me and I’m HOT! 1.1608 0.03667 143 124 15 4
2350 I may be 71 percent water, but tonight I'm shooting for 10 percent tequila. 1.1608 0.03799 143 125 13 5
2351 OMG,the whole World has gone crazy 1.1608 0.03387 143 122 19 2
2352 Oh sure, now it's all the rage to protect the planet. 1.1608 0.03667 143 124 15 4
2353 You think old age has been cruel to you? 1.1608 0.03799 143 125 13 5
2354 Water, water everywhere but not a drop to drink 1.1607 0.03306 168 145 19 4
2355 I'm running a little temperature, but mostly I worry about becoming incontinent. 1.1607 0.03920 112 96 14 2
2356 I could really use some more ice. 1.1606 0.03624 137 118 16 3
2357 Is it getting hotter in here? 1.1606 0.03473 137 117 18 2
2358 I’ve never felt so down to earth 1.1606 0.03769 137 119 14 4
2359 No more ice, ever?! 1.1606 0.03624 137 118 16 3
2360 give me something to forget about my pain 1.1605 0.03382 162 140 18 4
2361 Get off me! No means no! 1.1605 0.03022 162 137 24 1
2362 Fired for harassment, after calling me flat for years! 1.1605 0.03493 162 141 16 5
2363 The Climate Committee says I've changed. 1.1603 0.03725 131 113 15 3
2364 Another glass of seawater, please. With extra ice cubes! 1.1603 0.04028 131 115 11 5
2365 Humans are not what the earth needs right now. 1.1603 0.04171 131 116 9 6
2366 Would you mind pouring this in a glass? I've had enough plastic to last me a millennium. 1.1603 0.03725 131 113 15 3
2367 You don't have any hand baskets back there, do you? 1.1603 0.03725 131 113 15 3
2368 I'm starting to think it's more serious than just a fever. 1.1603 0.03725 131 113 15 3
2369 My life doesn't love me. 1.1603 0.03694 156 137 13 6
2370 I’ve got the spins. 1.1603 0.03341 156 134 19 3
2371 I've been aching for over a year in my Russian area. 1.1600 0.03550 150 130 16 4
2372 You think you have problems? I got a world of problems! 1.1600 0.03421 150 129 18 3
2373 Yeah, I remember Atlas. The bastard shrugged! 1.1600 0.04000 125 109 12 4
2374 My twin--oh, Venus! We're on the same orbit but how come we're not able to hang out? 1.1600 0.03835 125 108 14 3
2375 Could you spare some more ice? 1.1600 0.04000 125 109 12 4
2376 And then he said I “wasn’t” at the center of the galaxy, the nerve! 1.1600 0.03835 125 108 14 3
2377 Is this purified water? 1.1600 0.03835 125 108 14 3
2378 People are leaving me to live on Mars. What a bummer. 1.1600 0.03003 150 126 24 0
2379 One minute it's chills, then shakes, then fever. And boy have I been windy lately. 1.1597 0.03643 144 125 15 4
2380 If you were warming as fast as I am, you’d be thirsty too 1.1597 0.03366 144 123 19 2
2381 It all started in the Mesozoic era... 1.1597 0.03366 144 123 19 2
2382 Do you have anything without CO2, please? I’m getting a bit warm. 1.1597 0.03218 144 122 21 1
2383 Because my mother told me I was the center of the universe! 1.1597 0.03507 144 124 17 3
2384 I’m a mess …! 1.1597 0.03774 144 126 13 5
2385 This weather, huh? 1.1597 0.03771 119 102 15 2
2386 Make it a double. I' ve got a splitting continent. 1.1597 0.04300 119 105 9 5
2387 I mean . . . what would YOU do? 1.1594 0.03599 138 119 16 3
2388 I'm telling you Joe, I get no RESPECT! 1.1594 0.03882 138 121 12 5
2389 New World Order ing 1.1594 0.03599 138 119 16 3
2390 So I said to me ex, you try living with the weight of the world on your shoulders! 1.1594 0.03882 138 121 12 5
2391 The worst thing is they itch like crazy 1.1592 0.03321 157 135 19 3
2392 Could I get an extra ice cube? 1.1592 0.03321 157 135 19 3
2393 Give me a double. I got a global species of hairless apes causing an entirely avoidable mass extinction and I need to take the edge off. 1.1591 0.03852 132 115 13 4
2394 One more ‘continental drift ‘ please. 1.1591 0.03372 132 112 19 1
2395 No more for me, my head is already spinning. 1.1591 0.03539 132 113 17 2
2396 Hey. Can a fella get something to help him cool off around here? 1.1591 0.03852 132 115 13 4
2397 I’m gonna need more water in a few decades. 1.1591 0.03539 132 113 17 2
2398 Please don't say, "Hot enough for ya?" 1.1591 0.03699 132 114 15 3
2399 The hair? Yeah. Nothing you can do. I got ice like that. 1.1591 0.03852 132 115 13 4
2400 Did you hear the one about the iceburg? 1.1591 0.02991 176 150 24 2
2401 Say,you wouldn 1.1591 0.03852 132 115 13 4
2402 I swear, I don't feel overheated. 1.1589 0.03268 151 129 20 2
2403 The doctor said I need to get rid of the paracites. 1.1589 0.04017 107 92 13 2
2404 Problems? I have the weight of everyone’s troubles on me. 1.1588 0.03049 170 145 23 2
2405 Temperatures are rising, and yet all the profiteers insist on looking the other way based on a slough of false narratives! 1.1588 0.03374 170 148 17 5
2406 Do you have something that will let me forget populists? 1.1587 0.03807 126 109 14 3
2407 Something mild; my stomach's really churning. 1.1587 0.04127 126 111 10 5
2408 Why would He put me here and then cover me with this fungus that I call humanity? 1.1587 0.04278 126 112 8 6
2409 And then, after making all that junk, what do they do with with it? Sweep it into my oceans where they don't have to look at it. 1.1587 0.04127 126 111 10 5
2410 Wait, that's not the end of the story. It's just a period of transition. 1.1587 0.03970 126 110 12 4
2411 Got any bread? 1.1587 0.03807 126 109 14 3
2412 Give me one good reason why I shouldn't have another. 1.1587 0.03807 126 109 14 3
2413 Everybody has problems, but I'm always in a world of trouble. 1.1587 0.04278 126 112 8 6
2414 Its hot, and I am feeling bloated. What is going on around here? 1.1587 0.03970 126 110 12 4
2415 I want to stop the world and get off, but I am the world. 1.1586 0.03875 145 128 11 6
2416 Could you turn up the A/C? 1.1586 0.03619 145 126 15 4
2417 Hey barkeep, if I drift off, just give me a swift slap on my Canada. 1.1586 0.03484 145 125 17 3
2418 The Koch brothers just walked in! Where do I hide? 1.1586 0.03619 145 126 15 4
2419 I feel like I'm coming apart at the seams. Do you get my drift?" 1.1586 0.03619 145 126 15 4
2420 Don’t ask me 1.1586 0.03749 145 127 13 5
2421 What do you mean, "Last call." I've got oil left. 1.1585 0.03343 164 142 18 4
2422 Make mine dirty, like Uranus. 1.1585 0.03664 164 145 12 7
2423 More ice, please. I'm roasting! 1.1585 0.02816 183 155 27 1
2424 Make it a double with ice cubes. 1.1583 0.03924 120 104 13 3
2425 Could I get my water without fizz? I'm trying to cut back on gas" 1.1583 0.04266 120 106 9 5
2426 WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO? 1.1583 0.03718 139 121 14 4
2427 Check please. Time to go home, loosen up my equator and watch some Dancing with the Stars. 1.1583 0.03575 139 120 16 3
2428 If it’s not too much trouble, can you spare more ice? 1.1583 0.03718 139 121 14 4
2429 Hurricane happy hour? 1.1583 0.03271 139 118 20 1
2430 You know what gets me hot? People that don't think I'm hot. 1.1583 0.03426 139 119 18 2
2431 I’m warming! Get me renewable energy! 1.1583 0.03856 139 122 12 5
2432 Ah, we are way past the glass half full or empty with this one. There will be no glass. 1.1583 0.03575 139 120 16 3
2433 I used to be a globe trotter. Now I'm just a homebody. 1.1583 0.03718 139 121 14 4
2434 It’s just nice to have someone that listens to you. 1.1582 0.03177 158 135 21 2
2435 Top me off with some ice? I'm getting low over here. 1.1582 0.03048 158 134 23 1
2436 Yesterday I accidentally stepped into a Mars bar. 1.1579 0.04240 114 100 10 4
2437 I'm telling you, I've had enough. 1.1579 0.03144 171 147 21 3
2438 I get a dry throat and itchy feet when my southern hemisphere is deciding where to vacation. 1.1579 0.03971 133 117 11 5
2439 It's feels like I'm the weight on someone's shoulders 1.1579 0.03628 152 133 14 5
2440 And then a guy walks up to me and asks " have you seen Oppenheimer yet?" 1.1579 0.03111 152 129 22 1
2441 I’m sick and tired of hearing that damn song about how wonderful I am. 1.1579 0.03971 133 117 11 5
2442 Hey Mac, Do you have anything stronger? 1.1579 0.04080 152 137 6 9
2443 And don’t even ask me about my polar caps… 1.1579 0.03506 152 132 16 4
2444 so she says to me, I prefer Uranus 1.1579 0.03514 133 114 17 2
2445 She’s about yay high, little wide at the equator, two nice moons that would make your head spin… 1.1579 0.03971 133 117 11 5
2446 I’m telling you Joe, the whole solar system is rigged! 1.1579 0.03514 133 114 17 2
2447 I'm under unimaginable stress. 1.1579 0.03673 133 115 15 3
2448 Aren’t you supposed to cut me off when I’ve had too many greenhouse gases?! 1.1579 0.04053 114 99 12 3
2449 I got a world of troubles, my friend. 1.1579 0.03514 133 114 17 2
2450 It's *constantly* five o'clock somewhere! 1.1576 0.03198 184 160 19 5
2451 My ice is melting. 1.1576 0.03211 165 142 20 3
2452 It's just way too much responsibility. 1.1576 0.03094 165 141 22 2
2453 [No caption needed. This is perfect as is.] 1.1575 0.03323 146 125 19 2
2454 I’ll have a double ice cap. 1.1575 0.03596 146 127 15 4
2455 So I sez, Can I buy you a drink? And she sez, Duh, Earth to Earth. 1.1575 0.03178 146 124 21 1
2456 It's time — goodbye cruel world. 1.1575 0.03596 146 127 15 4
2457 You look dizzy 1.1575 0.03462 146 126 17 3
2458 I tell ya, this world is not what it’s cracked up to be 1.1575 0.03596 146 127 15 4
2459 The moon and me, we've been together a long time. It's good. But predictable. And lately we've been drifting apart. 1.1575 0.03596 146 127 15 4
2460 Man, if you were me you’d see this cup as half empty too! 1.1575 0.03462 146 126 17 3
2461 I'm in a world of trouble. 1.1575 0.03941 127 111 12 4
2462 No chaser necessary. I brought my own. 1.1575 0.03941 127 111 12 4
2463 I'll take another scotch and the total annihilation of the human race. 1.1575 0.03779 127 110 14 3
2464 What harm is one drink going to do. I've already been polluted with toxic waste!! 1.1575 0.04246 127 113 8 6
2465 On top of everything else, I have to start planning my five-billionth birthday. 1.1574 0.04588 108 96 7 5
2466 What in the world! 1.1572 0.03159 159 136 21 2
2467 You too will be burning the ice tonight? 1.1572 0.03402 159 138 17 4
2468 Do you have something that will stop my head from spinning? 1.1571 0.03693 140 122 14 4
2469 Easy on the ice. I'm 70% water as it is. 1.1571 0.03404 140 120 18 2
2470 She just spun me around! 1.1571 0.03830 140 123 12 5
2471 Seriously, I'm leaning toward bringing back the Jurrasic 1.1571 0.03962 140 124 10 6
2472 They make me feel so flat! 1.1571 0.03693 140 122 14 4
2473 So then I met this guy Atlas.... 1.1571 0.03551 140 121 16 3
2474 I'll take one more for the skillet. 1.1571 0.04089 140 125 8 7
2475 Alcohol is not going to kill me. Humans are going to frickin kill me. 1.1571 0.04089 140 125 8 7
2476 Could I have some more ice? I really need to cool down. 1.1570 0.03894 121 105 13 3
2477 And then he asked if I could get a world in edgeways. 1.1570 0.03713 121 104 15 2
2478 Yo barkeep, can you save my spot? Niagara Falls is callin'. 1.1570 0.04067 121 106 11 4
2479 Please Pray for Global Cooling. 1.1567 0.03647 134 116 15 3
2480 I revolve around so many people, yet all I have is the moon. 1.1567 0.03798 134 117 13 4
2481 Sure,you think you have the weight of the world on your shoulders, but let me tell you, bub, I live it 24/7/365/4,000,000,000. 1.1567 0.04083 134 119 9 6
2482 Everyone keeps telling me that I'm the only one in the entire universe who gets hotter with age! 1.1567 0.03798 134 117 13 4
2483 I stopped the world to let people off! 1.1567 0.03647 134 116 15 3
2484 It's like a merry-go-round. When will it stop? 1.1567 0.03798 134 117 13 4
2485 I wish He'd come down here. 1.1567 0.03798 134 117 13 4
2486 I've had a day. 1.1567 0.03325 134 114 19 1
2487 I need another. Got the world on my shoulders! 1.1566 0.03077 166 142 22 2
2488 I ordered it "on-the-rocks", I'm having hot flashes! 1.1565 0.04205 115 101 10 4
2489 You wouldn't believe the day I'm having 1.1565 0.03440 147 127 17 3
2490 Just water; I'm overheated and dehydrated. 1.1565 0.03701 147 129 13 5
2491 ...and don't even get me started on that Middle East.... 1.1565 0.03158 147 125 21 1
2492 Do you have aanything colder? 1.1565 0.03440 147 127 17 3
2493 Some of my best friends are "Flat Earthers"... 1.1565 0.03573 147 128 15 4
2494 Climate change; you can’t live with it and and can’t foresee a century without it. 1.1562 0.03382 160 139 17 4
2495 Has Planet Pluto been around lately ? 1.1562 0.04215 128 114 8 6
2496 I'm telling you, I've never seen anything land the moon. 1.1562 0.03141 160 137 21 2
2497 ..."and they promised before they got off the arc!" 1.1562 0.03912 128 112 12 4
2498 Keep my tab open! 1.1562 0.03912 128 112 12 4
2499 Quick! Ice! 1.1561 0.03217 173 150 19 4
2500 I don’t know why I keep making the same mistake with that wall. 1.1560 0.03669 141 123 14 4
2501 Could I have more ice please? Mine has melted. 1.1560 0.03381 141 121 18 2
2502 You know those wildfires? You aint seen nothin yet. 1.1560 0.03669 141 123 14 4
2503 I was just twirling around the sun, minding my own business when I came upon a bottle that said, "Drink me..." 1.1560 0.04158 109 95 11 3
2504 What do you mean I can't put it on my tab? 1.1558 0.03584 154 135 14 5
2505 You ran out of ice? 1.1557 0.03496 122 104 17 1
2506 Set me up again Joe. I tells ya, it never ends with these people. The next meteor can't come quickly enough. 1.1557 0.04036 122 107 11 4
2507 No discounts on “Earth Day?!” I can’t catch a break anywhere! 1.1557 0.03864 122 106 13 3
2508 Then she accused me of being overheated. 1.1557 0.04036 122 107 11 4
2509 So Jupiter and Venus orbit into a bar… 1.1557 0.04200 122 108 9 5
2510 With ice! No matter how much I blow off steam, I can’t seem to cool off. 1.1556 0.03622 135 117 15 3
2511 Could you wack on the air conditioning? 1.1556 0.03915 135 119 11 5
2512 It's like they want me to die, but without me, WHERE WOULD THEY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I just asked if you wanted a refill............ 1.1556 0.03915 135 119 11 5
2513 My brother, Earth, just passed away. 1.1556 0.03772 135 118 13 4
2514 Sometimes the itch is so bad, I just want to spin out of control! 1.1556 0.03622 135 117 15 3
2515 ...and then the doctor tells me I'm just going through menopause! I don't think so! There's got to be something else causing these hot flashes! 1.1556 0.03772 135 118 13 4
2516 I swear, Herb, these people are going to be the death of me. 1.1556 0.03915 135 119 11 5
2517 I’ve a crisis of confidence ever since Atlas shrugged. 1.1556 0.03772 135 118 13 4
2518 Don't you get tired of people thinking they can walk all over you? 1.1556 0.03772 135 118 13 4
2519 One minute I was diagnosed with climate change and the next thing I knew they were telling me that I was suffering from climate catastrophe! 1.1556 0.04054 135 120 9 6
2520 Straight up please, I've got plenty of rocks. 1.1556 0.03915 135 119 11 5
2521 She left me because she said my head was too round, and she wanted a guy with a flattop. 1.1556 0.03303 135 115 19 1
2522 I’m telling you everyone here is crazy and I can’t do a thing to humble them 1.1554 0.03138 148 126 21 1
2523 I could use a few more ice cubes. 1.1553 0.03245 161 139 19 3
2524 A couple of drinks, and I'm fine. But you guys are screwed. 1.1553 0.03245 161 139 19 3
2525 Same again, but with more ice. 1.1552 0.03987 116 101 12 3
2526 Could I get a lot more ice? 1.1552 0.03794 116 100 14 2
2527 Bartender. May I have this on the rocks, please? 1.1552 0.03987 116 101 12 3
2528 Last Call? 1.1550 0.04036 129 114 10 5
2529 She said I was too gassy. 1.1550 0.03558 129 111 16 2
2530 Man, is it hot enough for ya? 1.1550 0.03883 129 113 12 4
2531 And then Atlas said I was getting too hot to handle. 1.1550 0.03558 129 111 16 2
2532 It was bad enough when I was just bipolar. 1.1550 0.03883 129 113 12 4
2533 My Manhattan smells funny. 1.1550 0.03558 129 111 16 2
2534 From now on it's going to be the priest, the rabbi and the planet 1.1550 0.03558 129 111 16 2
2535 Whiskey on the rocks... hold the whiskey 1.1550 0.03883 129 113 12 4
2536 Did you hear the one about the three aliens...? 1.1550 0.03558 129 111 16 2
2537 I'm going to need alot of ice! 1.1550 0.03883 129 113 12 4
2538 So should I have lied when she asked, “Do you think my life revolves around you?” 1.1550 0.04036 129 114 10 5
2539 ...but my therapist says I'm just spinning 1.1550 0.03883 129 113 12 4
2540 Pangaea, man! Pangaea! I drink to forget my big split-up! 1.1549 0.03207 142 121 20 1
2541 It can't be last call. 1.1549 0.03644 142 124 14 4
2542 The humans are at it again... 1.1549 0.03779 142 125 12 5
2543 I said, "keep it neat please." 1.1549 0.03359 142 122 18 2
2544 A guy walked into a bar and said to the guy behind the bar as he pushed his glass forward" beam me up scotty" 1.1549 0.03779 142 125 12 5
2545 I feel like the room is revolving. 1.1549 0.03359 142 122 18 2
2546 I have one more, pls; on the Rockies. 1.1549 0.03909 142 126 10 6
2547 Could I have this on the rocks? I need to cool off! 1.1549 0.03644 142 124 14 4
2548 Could I have some ice in the drink? I feel very warm and dizzy; maybe I am having a heat stroke.. 1.1549 0.03359 142 122 18 2
2549 Help me. I'm parched 1.1548 0.03562 155 136 14 5
2550 A bucket of ice. I need it for a toupee over my poles. 1.1548 0.02915 155 131 24 0
2551 She said I was the world to her! 1.1548 0.03442 155 135 16 4
2552 I’d give the world for a good set of teeth. 1.1548 0.03190 155 133 20 2
2553 This world’s ‘Best Friend’? Al Gore every time! But poor Al’s ‘Inconvenient Truth’ is like two teenagers with raging hormones trying to get it on; as long as ‘the old man’ rides shotgun on dates, they might just as well watch a movie! 1.1548 0.03679 168 150 10 8
2554 Pluto? Oh, he's no longer in my circle. You know, I didn't completely disagree when he chastised me for getting around. But I knew our relationship was over when he said I was spinning out of control. 1.1545 0.04122 110 96 11 3
2555 Can you turn on the air conditioner? 1.1545 0.04320 110 97 9 4
2556 How much does a planet have to suffer to get a drink around here? 1.1545 0.03695 110 94 15 1
2557 Yes, with a twist. But not straight up. With a slight tilt to the axis. 1.1545 0.04005 123 108 11 4
2558 First world problems 1.1545 0.03657 123 106 15 2
2559 I reallly need to rehydrate these days! 1.1545 0.03657 123 106 15 2
2560 D’ya have any idea what it’s like to be me? 1.1545 0.04325 123 110 7 6
2561 What's to say? It's been another helluva week here! 1.1545 0.03657 123 106 15 2
2562 Could I get another water, I'm really over heating. 1.1545 0.03657 123 106 15 2
2563 How about one more for the road. 1.1545 0.04168 123 109 9 5
2564 Bitters…just bitters. 1.1545 0.04168 123 109 9 5
2565 Sorry, I have to go. I can't work remotely anymore." 1.1545 0.04168 123 109 9 5
2566 Can I get a drink the Milky Way. 1.1545 0.04325 123 110 7 6
2567 Why is it every time I come in and tell you what a crappy day I've had, you just shrug. 1.1545 0.03835 123 107 13 3
2568 ...and then she left me! Went to 'colonize' my neighbor. What's he got that I don't, anyway? 1.1545 0.04005 123 108 11 4
2569 Why should I care? I was here when your crowd came in the front door and I'll be here long after you go. 1.1544 0.03746 136 119 13 4
2570 You think you've got problems? I'm running a fever in places I didn't know were even places. 1.1544 0.03746 136 119 13 4
2571 Do you have anything cleaner? 1.1544 0.03597 136 118 15 3
2572 Barkeep, I'm telling ya, I'm too young to die. 1.1544 0.03442 136 117 17 2
2573 Excuse me, could I please get some ice? 1.1544 0.03746 136 119 13 4
2574 Yeah, my Weltschmerz is driving me to drink. So what of it? 1.1544 0.03888 136 120 11 5
2575 Do you ever feel like no one is listening? 1.1544 0.04026 136 121 9 6
2576 Everybody seems to think they know how to “solve the world’s problems.” 1.1544 0.03597 136 118 15 3
2577 What do you mean, you’re also running out of ice? 1.1544 0.03597 136 118 15 3
2578 I thought I meant the world to her. 1.1544 0.03746 136 119 13 4
2579 Oh, God -- now I have the spins. 1.1544 0.03442 136 117 17 2
2580 Got anything with ice in it? 1.1544 0.03261 149 128 19 2
2581 Another moonshine 1.1544 0.03397 149 129 17 3
2582 Glow-ball is coming around to fine spirits. 1.1544 0.03654 149 131 13 5
2583 When I said I wanted a drink I didn’t mean water! 1.1544 0.03397 149 129 17 3
2584 What do you mean you’re out of water? 1.1544 0.03528 149 130 15 4
2585 How does a Young Earth Creationist end up bartending? 1.1544 0.03119 149 127 21 1
2586 I’m running dry, can you get me a refill? 1.1543 0.03455 162 142 15 5
2587 Excuse me, I’m in desperate need of a water refill over here! 1.1538 0.03186 143 122 20 1
2588 My ice is melting, can you turn it down a bit. 1.1538 0.03764 117 101 14 2
2589 You know I am not entirely against global warming. It is a chance do get almost eight billion things off my back. 1.1538 0.03337 143 123 18 2
2590 Can you turn down the heat? My ice keeps melting away. 1.1538 0.03337 143 123 18 2
2591 I’m so tired of carrying everyone else! 1.1538 0.03754 143 126 12 5
2592 Problems? Problems? Where do you want me to start? 1.1538 0.03532 130 112 16 2
2593 Don't ask me where these arms came from, I'm just a cartoon. 1.1538 0.03561 169 150 12 7
2594 I'm tired of drinking all this oil. do any bars around here have good drinks 1.1538 0.03697 130 113 14 3
2595 Have I got a world of problems! 1.1538 0.03482 143 124 16 3
2596 I just don't know why I keep getting friendzoned! 1.1538 0.03620 143 125 14 4
2597 Mars?! I'm telling you, what's a planet got to do to get some respect? 1.1538 0.03186 143 122 20 1
2598 Woe is me, I bet on the Yankees and Mets this year. 1.1538 0.03655 156 138 12 6
2599 Would you know how it is to always be tilted? 1.1538 0.03186 143 122 20 1
2600 Atlas shrugged. What do I do now? 1.1538 0.03855 130 114 12 4
2601 How 'bout a round of eight billion. 1.1538 0.03186 143 122 20 1
2602 Oh, don't start about Mercury. I'm heating up just as fast, and he's right next to the sun. Please! 1.1538 0.04007 130 115 10 5
2603 No more hurricanes, please. 1.1538 0.03620 143 125 14 4
2604 I just don't feel like he's got the "whole me" in his hands! 1.1538 0.03697 130 113 14 3
2605 Political Climate Change 1.1538 0.03855 130 114 12 4
2606 so, I said to this guy Mars, I'm coming for you. 1.1538 0.03855 130 114 12 4
2607 You don’t know what it’s like to live every day with a nasty case of the spins” 1.1538 0.03955 117 102 12 3
2608 And then , that guy, the moon, hit me! 1.1538 0.04007 130 115 10 5
2609 Look mack, I've been around the block and I can tell you this global warming shit is for real. 1.1538 0.03337 143 123 18 2
2610 It all started when I was born. 1.1538 0.03855 130 114 12 4
2611 ...And then, I top of all that, I feel like my life is spinning out of control !!! 1.1538 0.03482 143 124 16 3
2612 I know I’m mostly water, but why the little glass? 1.1538 0.03855 130 114 12 4
2613 I know what I am talking about, it’s a global problem! 1.1538 0.03540 156 137 14 5
2614 It’s like I got the weight of the world on my shoulders. 1.1538 0.03186 143 122 20 1
2615 What does Mars have that I don 1.1538 0.03620 143 125 14 4
2616 Am I spinning, or you? 1.1538 0.03697 130 113 14 3
2617 I need something wet, but go light on the water. 1.1538 0.03955 117 102 12 3
2618 My ice is melting faster than expected. 1.1538 0.03855 130 114 12 4
2619 I asked you for the Sunrise Cocktail not the Sunset. 1.1538 0.03855 130 114 12 4
2620 Sorry bud, but I’m gonna need waaay more ice. 1.1533 0.03631 150 132 13 5
2621 Hey buddy, can I get another hurricane over here? 1.1533 0.03241 150 129 19 2
2622 Can we skip 'Last Call' for another time? 1.1533 0.03376 150 130 17 3
2623 Quick, anorher shot, please. I don't have much time left. 1.1533 0.03419 137 118 17 2
2624 They say I’m blue. Why wouldn’t I be? 1.1533 0.03573 137 119 15 3
2625 I'm hoping that the next ice age comes soon because you ain't exactly generous on ice in my drink 1.1533 0.03573 137 119 15 3
2626 She said she couldn't wait thousands of years for me to change 1.1533 0.03861 137 121 11 5
2627 a double big reforestation with a little CO 2 reduction, please! 1.1533 0.03419 137 118 17 2
2628 This global warming is making me thirsty. 1.1533 0.03419 137 118 17 2
2629 Writers, actors, ... What about us studio logos? 1.1532 0.03806 124 108 13 3
2630 Just one more, you know, for world peace? 1.1532 0.03806 124 108 13 3
2631 I'm sad as hell and I just can't take it anymore. 1.1532 0.03806 124 108 13 3
2632 Gimme two Tylenol and a glass of ice water. 1.1529 0.03123 170 147 20 3
2633 No need for plastic cups. 1.1529 0.03279 157 136 18 3
2634 Dammit Frank, how about a little ice for a melting gal! 1.1529 0.03519 157 138 14 5
2635 My wife left me for another planet. 1.1528 0.03729 144 127 12 5
2636 The doctor said the hot flashes were early menopause, but I know it's global warming. 1.1528 0.03597 144 126 14 4
2637 Can I please get a water? That last drink knocked me off my axis! 1.1528 0.03597 144 126 14 4
2638 I don't mean to be rude, but, as species go, yours sucks! 1.1528 0.03597 144 126 14 4
2639 I'm motha ***ing earth damn it! What do I have to do to get their attention? 1.1528 0.03729 144 127 12 5
2640 Thanks. Another sake. But cold this time. 1.1528 0.03597 144 126 14 4
2641 Could you warm me up? 1.1528 0.03597 144 126 14 4
2642 I'm not drunk. There are actually people on me who think I'm flat! 1.1528 0.03316 144 124 18 2
2643 I think I need to slow down until everything stops spinning. 1.1527 0.03671 131 114 14 3
2644 Barkeep, another Thirsty Icecap! 1.1527 0.03827 131 115 12 4
2645 I didn't ask for a shot; I said, "Shoot me!" 1.1527 0.03827 131 115 12 4
2646 It's all my fault! 1.1527 0.04123 131 117 8 6
2647 Give me one for the orbit! 1.1527 0.03978 131 116 10 5
2648 Total eclipse. TOTAL. 1.1527 0.03507 131 113 16 2
2649 I said I was 3/4 water, not that I wanted 3/4 water. 1.1527 0.03978 131 116 10 5
2650 It helps me come out of my shell. 1.1525 0.03734 118 102 14 2
2651 On the rocks please. 1.1525 0.04104 118 104 10 4
2652 I used to be the big shot, the center of everything, but now it's just Sun, Sun, Sun. 1.1525 0.04104 118 104 10 4
2653 Christ, what an asshole! 1.1524 0.03416 164 144 15 5
2654 This glass is half empty. 1.1523 0.03081 151 129 21 1
2655 I am going to miss my human inhabitants. 1.1523 0.03355 151 131 17 3
2656 I've go to say, sometimes all this spinning and orbiting makes me dizzy. 1.1523 0.03221 151 130 19 2
2657 I don't know...sometimes I feel like I'm just spinning around in circles... 1.1523 0.03484 151 132 15 4
2658 Yeah, I suppose I've had enough. How can you tell my head is spinning? 1.1522 0.03970 138 123 9 6
2659 Believe me, I know. It's five clock somewhere. 1.1522 0.03835 138 122 11 5
2660 I think we have a global drink problem! 1.1522 0.03548 138 120 15 3
2661 Enough of "the usual." you're wrecking my life! 1.1522 0.03548 138 120 15 3
2662 Thanks for the water, but I need something stronger. 1.1522 0.03835 138 122 11 5
2663 Man I'm Hot. 1.1522 0.03694 138 121 13 4
2664 And they still say I'm flat. 1.1520 0.03944 125 110 11 4
2665 And then my doctor said, "It's Weltschmerz, and there's no cure!" 1.1520 0.03418 125 107 17 1
2666 ...and I think the world of you. 1.1520 0.03602 125 108 15 2
2667 How would you feel, living with such an existential threat? 1.1519 0.03612 158 140 12 6
2668 What have you got that's cold 1.1519 0.03259 158 137 18 3
2669 I don't like what's happening, but they wouldn't listen! Except you, Joe. 1.1518 0.04247 112 99 9 4
2670 Is it me, or is it getting warm in here? 1.1517 0.03437 145 126 16 3
2671 Not only that, but my innards feel like they're going to explode! 1.1517 0.03705 145 128 12 5
2672 Give me double bartender, and plan on me being here for a long, long time. 1.1517 0.03437 145 126 16 3
2673 I hear the rumors around the observatory. The moon is leaving me. 1.1517 0.03437 145 126 16 3
2674 Anyway, that whole ‘birth of the cosmos’ thing just left me feeling flat… 1.1515 0.03800 132 116 12 4
2675 So you say, " Just drink the kool aid and will be cool". 1.1515 0.03800 132 116 12 4
2676 I KNEW SHE HAD A DARK SIDE, BUT I WASN'T READY FOR A COMPLETE ECLIPSE. 1.1515 0.04093 132 118 8 6
2677 It’s always the same thing. “You look thinner in your Tinder Profile.” 1.1515 0.03052 165 142 21 2
2678 I'm going to need more ice -- I'm really warming up. 1.1515 0.03800 132 116 12 4
2679 It was paradise for billions of years then humans arrived. 1.1515 0.03949 132 117 10 5
2680 Is it the alcohol or is it really hot in here? 1.1515 0.03645 132 115 14 3
2681 The song says you got the whole world in your hands, but I haven't had a date in a million years. 1.1513 0.03463 152 133 15 4
2682 On and on she waxes and wanes, I am sooo over the moon. 1.1513 0.03586 152 134 13 5
2683 I'd like to buy the world a drink on me. 1.1513 0.03586 152 134 13 5
2684 CAN'T YOU PUT SOME ICE IN THIS 1.1513 0.03893 119 104 12 3
2685 It seems like I need a drink a lot more often these days. 1.1513 0.04243 119 106 8 5
2686 Sick man of the Universe! 1.1513 0.03893 119 104 12 3
2687 So this guy hops in, lights up. Sorry, no smoking, I sez, I got a condition. Just Drive, he sez, and blows his smoke my way. 1.1513 0.04071 119 105 10 4
2688 Everybody mistakes me for their oyster. 1.1511 0.03524 139 121 15 3
2689 Yeah, I'm almost out of ice, too. 1.1511 0.03373 139 120 17 2
2690 My life doesn't understand me. 1.1511 0.03809 139 123 11 5
2691 They said a case of humans is fatal 1.1511 0.03669 139 122 13 4
2692 I feel like I get stepped on all the time!!! 1.1511 0.03524 139 121 15 3
2693 Don’t cut me off. I am losing my ozone layer and things are getting out of control. 1.1511 0.03524 139 121 15 3
2694 It keeps getting hotter I need water! 1.1511 0.03373 139 120 17 2
2695 I can't remember whose shoulders I'm supposed to be on. 1.1511 0.03524 139 121 15 3
2696 Actually, I prefer the Devonian Era. 1.1511 0.03809 139 123 11 5
2697 So then she says I’m not as flat as I used to be. 1.1511 0.03524 139 121 15 3
2698 What in the world is he going to ask for now?! 1.1509 0.03240 159 138 18 3
2699 Ever feel like you're out of your orbit? 1.1509 0.04195 106 93 10 3
2700 It's getting too hot not to drink heavily. 1.1508 0.03915 126 111 11 4
2701 I didn't start drinking until the Anthropocene. 1.1508 0.03749 126 110 13 3
2702 So... how do you think we can fix climate change? 1.1508 0.04227 126 113 7 6
2703 Just leave the bottle 1.1508 0.03915 126 111 11 4
2704 That's an astronomical service fee! 1.1508 0.04074 126 112 9 5
2705 Do you need some ice in your drink to cool off? 1.1508 0.03749 126 110 13 3
2706 We both spin around poles, yes, but these strippers aren’t getting any hotter in the next decade… 1.1508 0.03915 126 111 11 4
2707 My head just keeps spinning! Got anything for that? 1.1508 0.03749 126 110 13 3
2708 One more before closing? Better make it a strong one - I'm already 70% water. 1.1508 0.03915 126 111 11 4
2709 I'll have another double scotch, hold the glacial ice. 1.1508 0.03749 126 110 13 3
2710 Can I actually have some root beer instead of water? I’m tired of hurricanes. 1.1508 0.04074 126 112 9 5
2711 I know you've heard this before, but I have the weight of the world on my shoulders" 1.1508 0.03749 126 110 13 3
2712 Hey! Really needed that seventh day off, did you? 1.1508 0.03915 126 111 11 4
2713 Yes I have faults. And don’t even get me started on water retention. 1.1507 0.03415 146 127 16 3
2714 I don't know what the big deal is....is it because of my addiction global warming exists and everything is nothing-but a figment of our imagination? 1.1507 0.03681 146 129 12 5
2715 All I want is a little respect! Is that so much to ask? 1.1507 0.03807 146 130 10 6
2716 The Doc just told me I have 20 years to live. 1.1507 0.03273 146 126 18 2
2717 Yeah, they wouldn't let me in the Macy's Parade! 1.1507 0.03681 146 129 12 5
2718 Same old same old with me-global warming, mass extinctions, the next doomsday tech craze, all thanks to, no offense, your kind. But tell me more about how your wife has started to make her shepherd's pie with ground turkey instead of ground beef. 1.1504 0.04211 113 100 9 4
2719 And if that is not enough , I have IBS 1.1504 0.03619 133 116 14 3
2720 But when he started singing "I've got the whole world in my hands" I knew it was time to get out of there. 1.1504 0.03773 133 117 12 4
2721 Make it one for my baby and one more for the world. 1.1504 0.03619 133 116 14 3
2722 Lydia, oh! Lydia, say have you met Lydia. 1.1504 0.03773 133 117 12 4
2723 They did it in a cave, Martin. A CAVE!!! 1.1504 0.03773 133 117 12 4
2724 I’ve got an eye on South America, but I’m also leaning toward Australia. 1.1504 0.03458 133 115 16 2
2725 I think I need my drinks on the rocks. 1.1504 0.03458 133 115 16 2
2726 It’s called weltschmertz. 1.1504 0.03458 133 115 16 2
2727 Sam, it was so much easier just dealing with volcanoes, earthquakes, and dinosaurs. 1.1504 0.03289 133 114 18 1
2728 I can’t tell if this Musk guy is my friend or my enemy. 1.1504 0.03619 133 116 14 3
2729 So two planets came into a bar... 1.1504 0.03619 133 116 14 3
2730 So I said, fine, if you’re going to trash me, I’m just gonna go get wasted. 1.1504 0.03289 133 114 18 1
2731 What’s one more drink gonna do? I’m already dying. 1.1503 0.03314 153 133 17 3
2732 Everybody's yelling at me, 'Stop, I want to get off!' 1.1500 0.03457 160 141 14 5
2733 All I want is one day off per week. 1.1500 0.04039 120 106 10 4
2734 Well, it all started with a small pimple on my forehead…. 1.1500 0.03862 120 105 12 3
2735 It all started with sewage overflows and bilge cleanings and now I can’t stop this binge. 1.1500 0.03862 120 105 12 3
2736 Back then someone would buy me a Coke and keep me company. 1.1500 0.03862 120 105 12 3
2737 And then she said I'm her whole world, but I'm everyone's whole world! 1.1500 0.03645 140 123 13 4
2738 You don't know the half-life of it! 1.1500 0.03457 160 141 14 5
2739 Tommy, I know the Lord won’t give me more than I can handle but sometimes I wish he didn’t have quite so much faith in me. 1.1500 0.03862 120 105 12 3
2740 You’re really cutting me off for spinning!?” 1.1500 0.03501 140 122 15 3
2741 In the real world, sobriety is overrated. 1.1500 0.03351 140 121 17 2
2742 Another ice water. Make it a double. 1.1500 0.03351 140 121 17 2
2743 For the love of God! Help me father!! 1.1497 0.03657 147 130 12 5
2744 Can you recommend something that will cool me down? 1.1497 0.03783 147 131 10 6
2745 You can keep the change! 1.1497 0.03783 147 131 10 6
2746 Can I get some ice, I'm dying over here. 1.1496 0.03721 127 111 13 3
2747 The chemo’s been tough, but my geologist says I’m nearly hydrocarbon-free now. 1.1496 0.03885 127 112 11 4
2748 Wait. What are we standing on? 1.1496 0.03885 127 112 11 4
2749 I'll have another. Make it 2/3 water. 1.1496 0.04043 127 113 9 5
2750 I said on the rocks. 1.1496 0.03885 127 112 11 4
2751 I really need something cooling. 1.1496 0.03549 127 110 15 2
2752 I just tried Ozempic and it rocked my world 1.1496 0.04043 127 113 9 5
2753 Give me a Frozen Daiquiri. 1.1496 0.03885 127 112 11 4
2754 And you think you have problems, 1.1496 0.03369 127 109 17 1
2755 You pulling a fast one? This is 70% water. 1.1496 0.03885 127 112 11 4
2756 This guy orbits into a bar... 1.1496 0.03721 127 111 13 3
2757 Something on the rocks. 1.1494 0.02882 154 131 23 0
2758 I'll have a Manhattan -- unless it's already submerged. 1.1493 0.03594 134 117 14 3
2759 So this world walks into a bar . . . . 1.1493 0.03594 134 117 14 3
2760 Father, I feel preyed upon. 1.1493 0.03594 134 117 14 3
2761 It would mean the world to me for another shot. 1.1493 0.03594 134 117 14 3
2762 So anyway...every time I tell someone I feel hot, they tell me it's all in my head. Can you believe that? 1.1493 0.04035 134 120 8 6
2763 Anything with ice. It's hot as hell out there. 1.1493 0.04172 134 121 6 7
2764 I feel the weight of me is on my shoulders. 1.1493 0.03266 134 115 18 1
2765 Excuse me! What is the pH of this water? 1.1493 0.03746 134 118 12 4
2766 Have you seen my friend? He's a horse, long face, about this big. 1.1491 0.04358 114 102 7 5
2767 If Venus calls, I'm not here, OK? 1.1491 0.03986 114 100 11 3
2768 I feel like I’ve got the weight of the world on me….. 1.1491 0.04358 114 102 7 5
2769 On top of that, they said I was flat! Can you believe this? 1.1491 0.04358 114 102 7 5
2770 Tough sales meeting today. I was bullied by Jupiter 'cuz I referred to Pluto as an out-of-market PLANET. 1.1491 0.03786 114 99 13 2
2771 I’m warning you Eddie. I’m gonna punch the next singing drunk who wants to buy me a Coke. 1.1491 0.03548 161 143 12 6
2772 My in-laws from Alpha Centauri are visiting. 1.1491 0.03656 161 144 10 7
2773 First the asteroid hit with the tilt. Fine, I can deal with it. Then continental drift. OK, I get it; it's gonna happen. But climate change? Come On! 1.1489 0.03758 141 125 11 5
2774 Just one more glass of water before you're closed for good? 1.1489 0.03620 141 124 13 4
2775 I feel like I'm carrying the weight of the world... 1.1489 0.03620 141 124 13 4
2776 It’s just hot flash after hot flash! 1.1489 0.03329 141 122 17 2
2777 Order in the world. 1.1489 0.03329 141 122 17 2
2778 What I'd give to trade places with Uranus. 1.1489 0.03478 141 123 15 3
2779 And then she said she was not worldly enough for me. 1.1489 0.03478 141 123 15 3
2780 What's wromg with Biden? I'll tell you what's wromg with Biden. 1.1489 0.03478 141 123 15 3
2781 I feel like you're not really putting yourself in my shoes. 1.1488 0.03648 121 105 14 2
2782 Why can't you understand that just because I'm drunk doesn't mean I have a drinking problem. 1.1488 0.04176 121 108 8 5
2783 On second thought, yes to the ice. 1.1488 0.03832 121 106 12 3
2784 I've had a fever, can I get some ice? 1.1488 0.04176 121 108 8 5
2785 Save me ! 1.1488 0.03832 121 106 12 3
2786 I've spun out of control. 1.1488 0.03648 121 105 14 2
2787 Ever hear of global warming? Well, how about some ice cubes then? 1.1488 0.04008 121 107 10 4
2788 I know my surface is 71% water but I'm still thirsty. 1.1488 0.03832 121 106 12 3
2789 A shot of Fireball? Is this some kind of sick joke? 1.1488 0.03454 121 104 16 1
2790 I've been indicted. Who's left? 1.1488 0.03832 121 106 12 3
2791 Just because I’m 3/4ths water, doesn’t mean this drink should be. 1.1488 0.04338 121 109 6 6
2792 "Could it get worse? Try getting hit by an asteroid. It's a game changer." 1.1488 0.03832 121 106 12 3
2793 More ice. More ice! 1.1486 0.03371 148 129 16 3
2794 Ever get the feeling that you're just not appreciated enough? 1.1484 0.03523 128 111 15 2
2795 He had 7 rings so she chose him. 1.1484 0.03694 128 112 13 3
2796 Would you phone a cab to take me back to my place? It's just between Venus and Mars. 1.1484 0.04013 128 114 9 5
2797 Put some ice in it -- I really need to cool down." 1.1484 0.03694 128 112 13 3
2798 It's not the alcohol. I'm naturally vertiginous. 1.1484 0.03694 128 112 13 3
2799 ... and it felt like the end of the world. 1.1484 0.03857 128 113 11 4
2800 The experts all say to drink more water, but then they told me my water levels are rising too high. 1.1484 0.04013 128 114 9 5
2801 THAT LUCKY 'OLE SUN ROLLS AROUND HEAVEN WHILE I HAVE TO DEAL WITH YOU GUYS!!! 1.1484 0.03694 128 112 13 3
2802 And don’t get me started on microplastics 1.1484 0.03523 128 111 15 2
2803 Just one thing pal … please don’t ask me what in the world is going on” 1.1484 0.04013 128 114 9 5
2804 The abuse is getting to be too much! I’ll take another double of ice on the rocks. 1.1484 0.03694 128 112 13 3
2805 And on top of everything else, they broke the air conditioning. 1.1484 0.03694 128 112 13 3
2806 Bartender, give me another, I'm in a world of trouble... 1.1484 0.03857 128 113 11 4
2807 "Next round is on me" 1.1484 0.03274 155 135 17 3
2808 Is it hot in here or is that just my imagination? 1.1481 0.03569 135 118 14 3
2809 She left me for another planet. 1.1481 0.03720 135 119 12 4
2810 You think you've got problems,let me tell you about the people living on me! 1.1481 0.03244 135 116 18 1
2811 Can you turn up the air conditioning? It’s getting warm in here 1.1481 0.03866 135 120 10 5
2812 Did ya hear the one about the asteroid and the dinosaurs? 1.1481 0.03569 135 118 14 3
2813 They tell me it's gonna be a light-year or two for the replacement parts. 1.1481 0.02933 162 139 22 1
2814 Honest to God, those Flat Earthers are just trying to body shame me. 1.1481 0.03866 135 120 10 5
2815 Is it Last Call? 1.1481 0.03410 135 117 16 2
2816 Is it me? Have I been too subtle? I’ve given so many signs… 1.1481 0.03302 162 142 16 4
2817 Drinking this stuff is how I stay down to earth. 1.1479 0.03733 142 126 11 5
2818 Why in the world can't everyone just get along? 1.1479 0.03455 142 124 15 3
2819 Please cut me off before I get the spins. 1.1479 0.03596 142 125 13 4
2820 All those kids and not one takes care of me. 1.1479 0.03307 142 123 17 2
2821 ... have you seen a woman of the world? 1.1478 0.03953 115 101 11 3
2822 Can I have a stronger drink? 1.1478 0.04142 115 102 9 4
2823 Yeah, sure, She's the light of my life, center of my universe, but lately it just feels like everything we do revolves around her. 1.1477 0.03350 149 130 16 3
2824 I know I'm three-fifths water, but even I need a drink now and then. 1.1477 0.03212 149 129 18 2
2825 Sometimes I can’t tell if I’m awake or asleep! 1.1477 0.03483 149 131 14 4
2826 Then she said I was a mess. 1.1477 0.03483 149 131 14 4
2827 Have you seen my sun? 1.1477 0.03350 149 130 16 3
2828 What did I ever do you guys? Why are you trying to kill me off?" 1.1475 0.04304 122 110 6 6
2829 I’m dirty enough as it is. 1.1475 0.03620 122 106 14 2
2830 Pluto? The guy’s not even a planet anymore. 1.1475 0.03620 122 106 14 2
2831 Hey, where's the ice! 1.1475 0.03428 122 105 16 1
2832 Gimme a sea breeze cooler and make it quick! 1.1475 0.04304 122 110 6 6
2833 I told them that crew they brought in 300,000 years ago was going to drive the place into the ground. 1.1475 0.03977 122 108 10 4
2834 Rocks please. Quick! No drink, just rocks! 1.1475 0.03802 122 107 12 3
2835 Hemorrhoids? Try sitting on the Himalayas for an hour. 1.1475 0.04143 122 109 8 5
2836 Isn't it normal to move to a warmer state when you get older? 1.1473 0.03498 129 112 15 2
2837 Salted or unsalted? 1.1473 0.03498 129 112 15 2
2838 ... and so I said to the Sun, 'Hey buddy, could you back off a few thousand light years please?' 1.1473 0.03132 129 110 19 0
2839 No sun in the next one. 1.1473 0.03828 129 114 11 4
2840 Am I the Earth or just a dirty golf ball? I don't know anymore. 1.1473 0.04416 129 118 3 8
2841 We're screwed ! 1.1473 0.03983 129 115 9 5
2842 Why do they call me the blue planet? How much time have ya got? 1.1473 0.03667 129 113 13 3
2843 Do you have any ice water? I'm burning up over here. 1.1473 0.03828 129 114 11 4
2844 Yes, it's an OK remodeling job, but I liked the old atmosphere better. 1.1473 0.03667 129 113 13 3
2845 Every day it's the same ol' round and round 1.1473 0.03667 129 113 13 3
2846 I mean... I'm not blaming anything on you. But then again... I am. 1.1473 0.03828 129 114 11 4
2847 I'm too late AGAIN for Happy Millennium? 1.1472 0.03397 163 144 14 5
2848 Everyone just takes me for granted. It’s like nobody cares about MY problems. 1.1471 0.03839 136 121 10 5
2849 Hey Buddy, You have no idea the pressure I’m under. 1.1471 0.03387 136 118 16 2
2850 He said I was flat. I'm a 32DD! 1.1471 0.03222 136 117 18 1
2851 You should see what’s goin’ on, on my backside ! 1.1471 0.03544 136 119 14 3
2852 My wife thinks I'm heavy, but it's mostly water 1.1471 0.03694 136 120 12 4
2853 I didn't order a boilermaker! 1.1471 0.03694 136 120 12 4
2854 There's just so much I can take.. let them go to Mars! 1.1471 0.03694 136 120 12 4
2855 Excuse me sir,would you mind turning down the heat a little? 1.1471 0.03694 136 120 12 4
2856 I knew I was in trouble when people replaced "worldwide" with "New York City." 1.1471 0.03694 136 120 12 4
2857 Anything but a carbonated drink will do." 1.1471 0.03302 170 150 15 5
2858 Check. I'm trashed. 1.1471 0.03544 136 119 14 3
2859 When the world gives you lemons, make lemonade 1.1471 0.03839 136 121 10 5
2860 You got any more ice? Mine melted. 1.1471 0.03387 136 118 16 2
2861 First I was square. Then I was 80% water. When will this end? 1.1469 0.02899 177 153 22 2
2862 A very LARGE asteroid, straight up please… 1.1469 0.03708 143 127 11 5
2863 I just feel like nobody cares about me anymore, you know? 1.1469 0.03965 143 129 7 7
2864 C'mon, Al. One more and I'll have made it around the world. 1.1469 0.02970 143 122 21 0
2865 Just one more, I need to remember how I contracted Humans. 1.1468 0.04289 109 97 8 4
2866 Could you fix me a quick breakfast before your human customers arrive? 1.1468 0.04482 109 98 6 5
2867 What do I owe you? 1.1466 0.03725 116 101 13 2
2868 We haven't crossed paths in ages. 1.1466 0.03518 116 100 15 1
2869 What do you mean? Vodka is sanctioned? 1.1466 0.03921 116 102 11 3
2870 I did stop drinking for a while, but then I felt humans crawling all over me. 1.1466 0.03921 116 102 11 3
2871 Would you believe sailors actually have willingly gone in my mouth? More than once? 1.1463 0.03773 123 108 12 3
2872 And then she says "Oh yeah, because the universe revolves around you!", which I thought was a low blow. 1.1463 0.03773 123 108 12 3
2873 And then he said, “I’ve got the whole world in my hands!” So I ran like hell! 1.1463 0.03773 123 108 12 3
2874 Those North Korean rockets are a nuisance. 1.1463 0.04111 123 110 8 5
2875 Do you ever feel like you’re always just going around in circles? 1.1463 0.03773 123 108 12 3
2876 I can’t help but feel that these volcanic eruptions are all my fault. Oop! There goes another one. Would you mind scratching my back? 1.1463 0.03946 123 109 10 4
2877 Excuse me, is this drink 71% water? 1.1463 0.03773 123 108 12 3
2878 I know you hear it all the time but TRULY, the weight of the… 1.1463 0.03773 123 108 12 3
2879 Still or sparkling - I’ll take either! 1.1463 0.03946 123 109 10 4
2880 There's word out 1.1463 0.03773 123 108 12 3
2881 I was just down the block at the Mars Bar. No atmosphere. 1.1462 0.03387 171 152 13 6
2882 I ordered it on the rocks! 1.1462 0.03067 171 149 19 3
2883 If that's God on the phone, just say I'm cleaning up before I head home. 1.1462 0.03296 130 112 17 1
2884 Phew! Is it just me or is it hot in here?! 1.1462 0.03640 130 114 13 3
2885 I've got plenty of water, but I could use more food. 1.1462 0.03640 130 114 13 3
2886 Can I also get some ice please? 1.1462 0.03801 130 115 11 4
2887 I feel like I have the whole world on my shoulders! 1.1462 0.03296 130 112 17 1
2888 … and 30% rum! 1.1462 0.03640 130 114 13 3
2889 So where exactly are you standing? 1.1462 0.03296 130 112 17 1
2890 Can you point me in the direction of the UN? 1.1462 0.03640 130 114 13 3
2891 I can't keep this up every day. It is only a matter of time before I am knocked off my axis. 1.1460 0.03669 137 121 12 4
2892 Are you God? 1.1460 0.03520 137 120 14 3
2893 This always happens: after a few drinks, my eye is on South America 1.1460 0.03812 137 122 10 5
2894 I'm sorry,but I'm going to have to cut you off. Floods and earthquakes while drunk just aren't funny. 1.1460 0.04084 137 124 6 7
2895 Drinks for everyone on me! 1.1460 0.03364 137 119 16 2
2896 ...and she said, "Buddy, you're in a world of hurt." 1.1460 0.03951 137 123 8 6
2897 And now I hear they're leaving me for Mars! 1.1460 0.03669 137 121 12 4
2898 I hate to complain, but I can’t seem to shake this fever. 1.1458 0.03409 144 126 15 3
2899 I hate to complain, but I have a world of problems. 1.1458 0.03409 144 126 15 3
2900 Is this what menopause is supposed to feel like??? 1.1458 0.03683 144 128 11 5
2901 It started as a tiny human infection, now my doc says it's terminal! 1.1458 0.03112 144 124 19 1
2902 ...and the whole world is out to get me. 1.1458 0.03264 144 125 17 2
2903 Hey ! Did you forget about me ? 1.1458 0.03409 144 126 15 3
2904 People think I'm all water and no scotch! 1.1458 0.03112 144 124 19 1
2905 OK, I give up! 1.1457 0.03172 151 131 18 2
2906 Even Charlie Chaplin won't play with me anymore! 1.1457 0.03172 151 131 18 2
2907 Me too -- as I age, I just keep getting bigger around the middle. 1.1456 0.02954 158 136 21 1
2908 I can’t get any sleep, there’s always a part of me going 1.1456 0.03339 158 139 15 4
2909 My populations just don't understand me. 1.1455 0.04051 110 97 10 3
2910 Im telling ya, I need a big turn around in the next day 1.1455 0.03839 110 96 12 2
2911 Just one more drink for world pieces. 1.1453 0.03889 117 103 11 3
2912 What do you mean 'no ice"? 1.1453 0.03889 117 103 11 3
2913 Bartender, what on earth is going on ? 1.1453 0.03695 117 102 13 2
2914 …and then BAM! Something hits me in the head. I wake up and have all these furry things in me. 1.1453 0.04074 117 104 9 4
2915 Pour me a Double!" 1.1452 0.03565 124 108 14 2
2916 Pour me another, I've got the quakes! 1.1452 0.03565 124 108 14 2
2917 Could I have some ice please? 1.1452 0.03745 124 109 12 3
2918 Then pow11...earthquake in Morocco. 1.1452 0.03916 124 110 10 4
2919 Trust me. I know it. I can feel it. The world is going to hell. 1.1452 0.04080 124 111 8 5
2920 I need a double! The weight of the world is on me!! 1.1452 0.03745 124 109 12 3
2921 Why do you think I need a drink? 1.1452 0.03745 124 109 12 3
2922 Got any ice? 1.1452 0.03565 124 108 14 2
2923 How do you beat loneliness when you don't have a friend in the world? 1.1450 0.03773 131 115 11 4
2924 I need a quick "pick me up", it's been a tough century. 1.1450 0.03448 131 114 15 2
2925 What in the world do you want me to think? 1.1450 0.03614 131 115 13 3
2926 Can you believe it? Cow farts will bring my demise! 1.1450 0.03614 131 115 13 3
2927 It’s not me, it’s you *enters heat death* 1.1450 0.04072 131 118 7 6
2928 Give me another one with extra ice. 1.1450 0.03926 131 117 9 5
2929 If he's got the whole world in his hands does this explain why my hands are so small? -- and while you think about that I'll have another. Also keep in mind i'll say anything to cause an ear worm. 1.1450 0.03926 131 117 9 5
2930 I'll tell ya... The WHOLE WORLD is crazy. 1.1450 0.03773 131 116 11 4
2931 My right eye is a bit watery 1.1450 0.03273 131 113 17 1
2932 Is it me…or are the martinis much dryer than in the past? 1.1450 0.03614 131 115 13 3
2933 I thought being a ‘hottie’ was a good thing 1.1450 0.03773 131 116 11 4
2934 Hey, turn up the AC, will you? I’m melting here! 1.1450 0.03273 131 113 17 1
2935 I hope nobody submits a caption. None's needed 1.1449 0.03341 138 120 16 2
2936 Have you got something that will cool me off? 1.1449 0.03179 138 119 18 1
2937 You really need to adjust your world view! 1.1449 0.03179 138 119 18 1
2938 I heard this was a hotspot for stars. 1.1449 0.03341 138 120 16 2
2939 I swear to you I’m round”. 1.1449 0.03179 138 119 18 1
2940 This water gets my stomach upset" 1.1448 0.03387 145 127 15 3
2941 This'll be my last drink. I already feel like I'm spinning. 1.1448 0.03659 145 129 11 5
2942 I’m struggling with anxiety. 1.1447 0.03153 152 132 18 2
2943 Why did earth have to come to Pluto for a beer? 1.1447 0.03418 152 134 14 4
2944 Don’t let me get too wobbly. My climate is already in an uproar. 1.1447 0.03153 152 132 18 2
2945 Are you baking souls in here?", George Koomullil, Monrovia, Mary 1.1442 0.04193 104 92 9 3
2946 You've got your troubles and I've got mine. Wait that's not it. I've got my troubles and they're you." 1.1442 0.04193 104 92 9 3
2947 I ordered an ocean's worth.. 1.1441 0.04016 111 98 10 3
2948 What do you mean you’re all out of ice? 1.1441 0.04042 118 105 9 4
2949 Can I get some ice in my water. I'm getting awfully warm. 1.1441 0.03858 118 104 11 3
2950 We used to hang out all the time, but ever since Wind and Fire got girlfriends I sit here drinking alone like a schmuck! 1.1440 0.03886 125 111 10 4
2951 The problem is that none of the other planets understand me. 1.1440 0.03539 125 109 14 2
2952 I don't get it. Everyone says I'm getting hotter, but I still can't get a text back. 1.1440 0.03153 125 107 18 0
2953 What if they can't stop feral swine? Or the lantern fly gets a foothold? And don't even get me started about the Emerald ash borer! You can't get a good ash bat anymore. That's why Major League averages are down so much. Not enough ash wood bats! 1.1440 0.03886 125 111 10 4
2954 We had a moment when you guys re-introduced wolves, but since then I’ve taken some hits. 1.1440 0.03886 125 111 10 4
2955 I hate those commercial air flights. 1.1440 0.03716 125 110 12 3
2956 I just feel small. And the hot flushes, oi! 1.1439 0.03897 132 118 9 5
2957 I’m the one with the weight of everyone else on my shoulders! 1.1439 0.03588 132 116 13 3
2958 All she said was ‘ buddy, size does matter’ and she left with that Jupiter guy. 1.1439 0.03746 132 117 11 4
2959 Chris says there's no global warming." 1.1439 0.03746 132 117 11 4
2960 I have enough water, thank you. 1.1439 0.03423 132 115 15 2
2961 Waiter, there’s a micro plastic in my drink 1.1439 0.03423 132 115 15 2
2962 Is it just me or is it getting hot in here? 1.1439 0.03472 139 122 14 3
2963 Believe it or not, I used to be really hot! 1.1439 0.03318 139 121 16 2
2964 Hey old timer, remember me? 1.1439 0.03157 139 120 18 1
2965 What about me? Maybe I need help being grounded. 1.1439 0.03619 139 123 12 4
2966 No more for me. I was already spinning when I walked in 1.1439 0.03472 139 122 14 3
2967 I think I'm feverish. 1.1439 0.03619 139 123 12 4
2968 You'll have to ask ExxonMobil to pay the tab. They're bleeding me dry. 1.1439 0.03472 139 122 14 3
2969 I'm telling you, it's not my fault! 1.1439 0.03318 139 121 16 2
2970 No more...I'll fall on my axis! 1.1439 0.02988 139 119 20 0
2971 Close my tab. I’ve got the spins. 1.1439 0.03472 139 122 14 3
2972 Have you seen my buddies Pluto and Mars? We haven't run into each other in a long time. 1.1439 0.03760 139 124 10 5
2973 Ans so I told them, The older I get the more hot flashes I get. They still don't understand! 1.1438 0.03503 146 129 13 4
2974 Seriously, dude? A glass of water? For my melting glaciers? 1.1438 0.03366 146 128 15 3
2975 Sometimes I feel like I have the whole world in my hands! 1.1438 0.03072 146 126 19 1
2976 Can you put some ice in it?? I'm burning up here. 1.1438 0.03635 146 130 11 5
2977 Help ! No one believes in Climate Change. 1.1438 0.03397 153 135 14 4
2978 What in the world is this? 1.1437 0.03095 167 146 18 3
2979 I hope it’s not too late to get another shot. 1.1437 0.02905 174 151 21 2
2980 It all started when I couldn't come up with a pronoun. 1.1429 0.03296 140 122 16 2
2981 I’m parched. 1.1429 0.03828 119 105 11 3
2982 Could you turn down the heat? I'm burning up. 1.1429 0.03399 133 116 15 2
2983 Hey, could I get a little help please? 1.1429 0.03512 126 110 14 2
2984 Sorry to bother you again but the ice keeps melting. 1.1429 0.03869 133 119 9 5
2985 With all these hot flashes, I must be going through menopause. 1.1429 0.03512 126 110 14 2
2986 I thought the first version of Planet of The Apes would have tipped you people off, but Nooooooooo. 1.1429 0.03857 126 112 10 4
2987 … and then she says I am too into earthly pleasures… 1.1429 0.03280 161 142 15 4
2988 Are then she said “who in the world do you think you are!” throwing me into the worst existential crisis ever! 1.1429 0.02968 140 120 20 0
2989 I can feel my temperature rising. 1.1429 0.03115 154 134 18 2
2990 I feel like I have the world on my shoulders. 1.1429 0.03719 133 118 11 4
2991 Who do you have to snog to get a little ice in here? 1.1429 0.03296 140 122 16 2
2992 No more firewater. 1.1429 0.03399 133 116 15 2
2993 What' chimate kange? I feel fust jine. 1.1429 0.03857 126 112 10 4
2994 I just don't know what to do. I can't seem to keep cool any more. I feel like I have a fever, but will the doctor do anything about it? Nooo. 1.1429 0.04350 119 108 5 6
2995 Three human planet-killers walked into a bar. 1.1429 0.04018 126 113 8 5
2996 So I say, "Ok mother, but a little nurture wouldn't hurt" 1.1429 0.03689 126 111 12 3
2997 Don't give me more water, I'm flooding 1.1429 0.03594 140 124 12 4
2998 God and an astrophysicist walked to a bar..... 1.1429 0.03399 133 116 15 2
2999 I said five, Jack. That's four more and I want them all now, lined up in a nice pretty row. 1.1429 0.03857 126 112 10 4
3000 On second thought, can I change my entire order? 1.1429 0.03857 126 112 10 4
3001 I’ve got an ocean of problems in a world of worries. 1.1429 0.03159 161 141 17 3
3002 I’m going to need more ice…I’m melting I’m melting…what a cruel world! 1.1429 0.03982 112 99 10 3
3003 All the talk is terraforming Mars, colonizing the Moon, exploring the moons of Jupiter…I’m standing right here! 1.1429 0.03227 133 115 17 1
3004 Not with soda. Carbonated drinks increase my CO2. 1.1429 0.03719 133 118 11 4
3005 Hey, is it hot in here or is it me? 1.1429 0.03399 133 116 15 2
3006 They say it's terminal, but I'm hoping they find a cure before it's too late. 1.1429 0.03719 133 118 11 4
3007 Hey, Norm, you got anything stiffer? 1.1429 0.03828 119 105 11 3
3008 J thought at least there'd be some ice left here! 1.1429 0.03857 126 112 10 4
3009 You mean y'all don't have to go in circles all the time? 1.1429 0.03982 112 99 10 3
3010 Not another hurricane! 1.1429 0.03435 119 103 15 1
3011 Sure the separation was rough, but worst part is now my sun won't come close to me! 1.1429 0.03227 133 115 17 1
3012 Do you have any ice? I am really hot. 1.1429 0.03512 126 110 14 2
3013 I think you added a bit too much micro plastics to my drink. 1.1429 0.03512 126 110 14 2
3014 Cheers mate 1.1429 0.03296 140 122 16 2
3015 Three times I’ve auditioned for the Planetary Symphony Orchestra and they kept saying too flat, too flat.” 1.1429 0.04156 105 93 9 3
3016 I may look like a water guy but I'm gonna need something stronger. 1.1429 0.03481 147 129 13 4
3017 I'm in a world of trouble. Got any advice? 1.1429 0.03296 140 122 16 2
3018 I'm just saying it gets a little tiring just being at everyone's feet all day. 1.1429 0.03982 112 99 10 3
3019 wow, pretty potent! Everything's spinning. 1.1429 0.03857 126 112 10 4
3020 Do you ever feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders? 1.1429 0.03828 119 105 11 3
3021 If I don’t get away from that Moon occasionally, I go crazy. 1.1429 0.03296 140 122 16 2
3022 Hand to God - what on Earth is going on!? 1.1429 0.04018 126 113 8 5
3023 So exactly how am I supposed to think globally but act locally?! 1.1429 0.03982 112 99 10 3
3024 I think I'm getting sick. My head's a bit cold, but down south it just keeps getting warmer! 1.1429 0.03512 126 110 14 2
3025 I thought the meteor was going to get me that time! 1.1429 0.03248 154 135 16 3
3026 It's not my fault the ice cube keeps melting. 1.1429 0.02975 154 133 20 1
3027 Double magma. Neat. 1.1429 0.04183 119 107 7 5
3028 I don't even have any last legs. 1.1429 0.03046 133 114 19 0
3029 I’m not flat, but this soda is 1.1429 0.03435 119 103 15 1
3030 I just feel so flat 1.1429 0.03594 140 124 12 4
3031 It all started with cow farts, and now, billionaires and rappers gassing up private airplanes for 12 minute flights. 1.1420 0.03173 169 149 16 4
3032 Does if feel hot to you in here? 1.1419 0.03323 148 130 15 3
3033 Do you have any ice? I'm all out. 1.1419 0.03458 148 131 13 4
3034 I need another shot of Kyoto. 1.1419 0.03181 148 129 17 2
3035 I feel like everyone takes me for granted, you know what I mean? 1.1419 0.03181 148 129 17 2
3036 I'll take one global warming on the rocks please. 1.1418 0.03426 141 124 14 3
3037 I'm tired of the same old orbit. 1.1418 0.03426 141 124 14 3
3038 The world should be stirred,not shaken. 1.1418 0.03570 141 125 12 4
3039 I guess what I'm saying is I'm beginning to take things personally. 1.1418 0.03375 134 117 15 2
3040 Do you ever get the feeling that things are crawling all over you? 1.1418 0.03538 134 118 13 3
3041 Why is everyone angry at me? I’m just one of God’s trillions of soccer balls! 1.1418 0.03693 134 119 11 4
3042 I keep getting this fever but the doctor says it's nothing. 1.1418 0.03025 134 115 19 0
3043 Know a good dermatologist? It feels like I have eight billion fleas crawling all over my body… 1.1418 0.03375 134 117 15 2
3044 Would you mind freshening this up,my ice is all melting. 1.1418 0.03693 134 119 11 4
3045 Too hot, too cold, uncontrollable crying, irritability….are you sure this is just a normal phase of aging? 1.1418 0.03538 134 118 13 3
3046 You better make it a double! I'm going to be here a while. 1.1418 0.03375 134 117 15 2
3047 I literally can’t anymore. 1.1418 0.03538 134 118 13 3
3048 I tell you, I'm goin' to hell in a handbasket! Don't let nobody tell you different. When you were a kid, I used to be great! 1.1418 0.03538 134 118 13 3
3049 Is this oil gluten free? 1.1418 0.03375 134 117 15 2
3050 I'LL HAVE A METHANE SOUR ON THE ROCKS. CO2 ROCKS. OF COURSE. 1.1417 0.03486 127 111 14 2
3051 NOBODY KNOWS MY NAME. 1.1417 0.03828 127 113 10 4
3052 I’m no longer even sure how to spin it at this point… 1.1417 0.03828 127 113 10 4
3053 I'm not self-centered, you know, but there can't really be life on other planets, right? 1.1417 0.03988 127 114 8 5
3054 I’m looking for a remedy for this terrible fungus that keeps on spreading all over me, which is called the Homo Sapiens chaos. 1.1417 0.03988 127 114 8 5
3055 One more round. I'm meeting with mother nature and father time for a bitch session. Any guess who we're bitchin' about? 1.1417 0.03988 127 114 8 5
3056 No, I didn't order port wine! 1.1417 0.03797 120 106 11 3
3057 Please stop humming "he's got the world in his hands." It makes me feel very self-conscious 1.1417 0.03977 120 107 9 4
3058 I’m tired of these constant hot flashes. Especially since they are not all my fault. 1.1417 0.03797 120 106 11 3
3059 I can't wait for you people to kill yourselves off so I can get back on the wagon. 1.1417 0.03977 120 107 9 4
3060 Three planets walk into a bar. 1.1417 0.03797 120 106 11 3
3061 Ever since I contracted humans, it's like I'm some lost world, drowning my problems in a sea of melted dreams 1.1417 0.03608 120 105 13 2
3062 I fell off the barstool again?! 1.1416 0.03743 113 99 12 2
3063 ...even the moon's moving away from me... 1.1415 0.04118 106 94 9 3
3064 You think you've got troubles? 1.1410 0.03209 156 137 16 3
3065 He said: Stop the world; I want to get off." So, I stopped. 1.1410 0.03335 156 138 14 4
3066 Well, how would you like it if millions of people died in horrific and unspeakable ways, and then we called that Brian War I and Brian War II? 1.1410 0.03689 156 141 8 7
3067 Do you all know that I'm burning up? 1.1410 0.03457 156 139 12 5
3068 I got together with that comet one time, like, a billion years ago and now it feels like they're all over me. 1.1409 0.03302 149 131 15 3
3069 I have the weight of global warming on my shoulders. 1.1409 0.03302 149 131 15 3
3070 You think you got problems, try living in my world. 1.1408 0.03253 142 124 16 2
3071 The glass half-full is not going to solve my warming issues - gimme a double, on the rocks! 1.1408 0.03095 142 123 18 1
3072 …and my lawyer said that I have no recourse. He doesn’t know me very well. 1.1408 0.03253 142 124 16 2
3073 Think you've heard some real problems? Wait until I tell you mine. 1.1408 0.03547 142 126 12 4
3074 My best material and the jokes kept falling flat 1.1408 0.03253 142 124 16 2
3075 Hey, thanks for the water. It's hot down here! 1.1407 0.03815 135 121 9 5
3076 It's too hot to go outside, give me another cold beer. 1.1407 0.03667 135 120 11 4
3077 And on top of all of that, I'm having terrible hot flashes. 1.1407 0.03513 135 119 13 3
3078 I've had one too many. I'm getting a spinning sensation. 1.1407 0.03513 135 119 13 3
3079 I'm talking. Stand still for a minute. 1.1407 0.03667 135 120 11 4
3080 Why didn't you stop at lunch time on the Sixth Day? 1.1406 0.03800 128 114 10 4
3081 They don't even care about earth day can you believe that! 1.1406 0.03800 128 114 10 4
3082 Seems like I can't get anything on ice anymore. 1.1406 0.03461 128 112 14 2
3083 I need more water 1.1406 0.03634 128 113 12 3
3084 I don’t understand it. If I ’m such a hottie how come I can’t pick up chicks? 1.1406 0.03800 128 114 10 4
3085 I love 'em to death, but my kids are killing me! 1.1406 0.03278 128 111 16 1
3086 It's just that I'm hot all the time lately. Do you think it could be perimenopause? 1.1406 0.03634 128 113 12 3
3087 Between the fires, earthquakes, floods and divisiveness, I've been diagnosed as bipolar! 1.1406 0.03461 128 112 14 2
3088 This will be my last drink, I hear a black hole calling my name! 1.1406 0.03461 128 112 14 2
3089 I need more ice! I'm burning up... 1.1406 0.03461 128 112 14 2
3090 Can I have two aspirins with that? 1.1406 0.03958 128 115 8 5
3091 It's got to be five o'clock somewhere, right? 1.1406 0.03085 128 110 18 0
3092 I've got a fever or I'm hypothermic. I'm dehydrated and then I'm retaining water. I should have more kinds of fish. Joe, I'm glad you're a climate change denier so I have a minute to hear myself think. 1.1406 0.04111 128 116 6 6
3093 Doctor says I am hopeless. 1.1406 0.03800 128 114 10 4
3094 Having your ear means the world to me. 1.1406 0.03634 128 113 12 3
3095 No, it’s not the end. I’m just a yard sale globe. 1.1406 0.03634 128 113 12 3
3096 So I said, "Everybody needs a little escape valve. So I have a little earthquake here, a tsunami, there . . . you'd think I was suggesting jumping into a black hole, the way everyone carries on!" 1.1405 0.03768 121 107 11 3
3097 The climate change is killing me, but they won't listen! 1.1405 0.03768 121 107 11 3
3098 We've been together for so long I thought we had something, the moon and I, but we just keep going around and around without getting any closer. 1.1405 0.03946 121 108 9 4
3099 Who'd a thought I'd ever miss the Jurassic period! 1.1405 0.03580 121 106 13 2
3100 Of all the gin joints in all towns in all the world, I walked into yours. The drinks should be on the house. 1.1405 0.04117 121 109 7 5
3101 During a typical shift at The Interstellar Café, Gus has to hear a lot about Real World's problems. 1.1405 0.03768 121 107 11 3
3102 Sam, give me another Dark and Stormy. 1.1405 0.03382 121 105 15 1
3103 I don't know she left me. I thought the world of her. 1.1405 0.03946 121 108 9 4
3104 I'm so trashed. 1.1405 0.03768 121 107 11 3
3105 I’m serious! I’m about to take my company global! 1.1404 0.02911 171 149 20 2
3106 I will have a martian sunrise,please.And make it double.I'm feeling out of this world today! 1.1404 0.03712 114 100 12 2
3107 Hey Fred...I need another double...I'm felling a bit 'quakey' today 1.1404 0.03712 114 100 12 2
3108 Straight whiskey. I'm over-carbonated. 1.1404 0.03712 114 100 12 2
3109 They’re always trying to leave me. 1.1402 0.02854 164 142 21 1
3110 Do you know who 'Henny-Penny' is? 1.1402 0.03860 107 94 11 2
3111 Can I get some more ice, I'm a little overheated. 1.1401 0.02779 157 135 22 0
3112 I'm out of ice. 1.1400 0.03281 150 132 15 3
3113 But then my Pangea broke apart and that was the end of my child acting career 1.1400 0.03281 150 132 15 3
3114 Got any advice for a guy who has been treated badly? 1.1400 0.03543 150 134 11 5
3115 And then Mars said “Did you see what Saturn was wearing?” 1.1399 0.03660 143 128 10 5
3116 Wow, this is a shot heard round the world. 1.1399 0.03523 143 127 12 4
3117 Thanks for holding the Scotch. All I need is water...lots of it. 1.1399 0.03380 143 126 14 3
3118 Can I get some ice water? It's getting kinda warm in here. 1.1399 0.03231 143 125 16 2
3119 My head is spinning 365 days a year! 1.1399 0.03660 143 128 10 5
3120 ...ya, I tell ya, I've got a world of problems! 1.1399 0.03380 143 126 14 3
3121 Weird. One minute I'm telling God the Circling Uranus in Search of Klingons joke and the next minute I'm standing naked in a bar! 1.1399 0.03792 143 129 8 6
3122 Why does anybody buy a Jeep?! 1.1397 0.03641 136 121 11 4
3123 Make it a double. I'm 71% water. 1.1397 0.03329 136 119 15 2
3124 Let me tell you about having a bad day! 1.1397 0.03641 136 121 11 4
3125 Please!! Tell me your problems! 1.1397 0.03489 136 120 13 3
3126 I'm exhausted after losing most of my earthly possessions and now that I need a vacation, I can't even hitch a ride into outer space because of my toxic climate! 1.1397 0.03929 136 123 7 6
3127 Excuse me, may I have more ice? Mine is all melting way 1.1397 0.03489 136 120 13 3
3128 Hey, when did ice become such a hot commodity? 1.1397 0.03641 136 121 11 4
3129 You wouldn’t believe what they did to Pluto. 1.1395 0.03607 129 114 12 3
3130 Ever considered Humpty Dumpty's side of it? 1.1395 0.03254 129 112 16 1
3131 I just went to see my shrink. 1.1395 0.03435 129 113 14 2
3132 It's like I just can't drink enough-- 1.1395 0.03063 129 111 18 0
3133 Lava is flowing everywhere...I need to cool off." 1.1395 0.03254 129 112 16 1
3134 I'm not smoking, I swear. 1.1395 0.03435 129 113 14 2
3135 At first, the doctors thought it was acne, but it turns out it was just continental drift.” 1.1395 0.03607 129 114 12 3
3136 I know I shouldn’t be crying over melted ice. 1.1395 0.03435 129 113 14 2
3137 I ordered this on my rocks. 1.1395 0.03607 129 114 12 3
3138 No more for me, thanks, the room is starting to spin. 1.1393 0.03915 122 109 9 4
3139 So there I am, minding my own business, and the guy says, 'Epstein didn't kill himself'... blew my mind.... wait, where's Shelly? 1.1393 0.03915 122 109 9 4
3140 She wants me to change but I told her that’s not good for anybody!” 1.1393 0.03915 122 109 9 4
3141 I'm just a speck of dust in the universe 1.1393 0.03738 122 108 11 3
3142 I'm warming to our relationship... 1.1393 0.03738 122 108 11 3
3143 You think you could turn up the AC in here? 1.1393 0.03553 122 107 13 2
3144 All of my glacial ice caps…I mean…ice cubes…melted. Can I get a refill? 1.1393 0.03553 122 107 13 2
3145 Give me a double of water @ a splash of life, hold the humans!” 1.1393 0.03553 122 107 13 2
3146 Please,quit serving Greenland seawater on Antarctica ice as the “Apocalypse” 1.1393 0.04085 122 110 7 5
3147 I'll have one last round for Mankind ! 1.1393 0.03357 122 106 15 1
3148 I'll have a gin and tectonic...my plates feel slightly askew. 1.1393 0.03738 122 108 11 3
3149 …and after the date, she said I was flat!? 1.1393 0.03738 122 108 11 3
3150 Sure, I sound like a pacifist. But look closely. I'm a Pacificist. 1.1393 0.03738 122 108 11 3
3151 Look, none of my siblings have creatures like you boring holes and mucking up the place.There’s a reason I’m the family soak.” 1.1392 0.03171 158 139 16 3
3152 You are killing me! Can I have another? 1.1391 0.03884 115 102 10 3
3153 Have you seen the state of me?! I'm falling apart! 1.1391 0.03682 115 101 12 2
3154 And then she says, ‘this is just a natural cycle!’ I’m so steamed! 1.1391 0.03682 115 101 12 2
3155 Is this light beer? The whole "weight of the world" thing is really starting to bother me. 1.1391 0.04075 115 103 8 4
3156 And yet my health should mean the world to everybody! 1.1391 0.04075 115 103 8 4
3157 Things are getting so bad that I'm beginning to think that my drink might outlast me. 1.1391 0.04075 115 103 8 4
3158 Bottoms up Mo, you’re right when you say this species is trying TE-KILL-YA!!” 1.1391 0.03393 151 134 13 4
3159 You're not really paying attention to me. 1.1391 0.03393 151 134 13 4
3160 The hot flashes are getting more frequent, and worse! 1.1391 0.02977 151 131 19 1
3161 Is it getting warm in here? 1.1389 0.03500 144 128 12 4
3162 What I want is a Cosmopolitan with a beer chaser. 1.1389 0.03358 144 127 14 3
3163 Ice! I need lots more ice! 1.1389 0.03358 144 127 14 3
3164 I need a cold drink 1.1389 0.04254 108 97 7 4
3165 Make mine AlkaSeltzer 1.1389 0.03055 144 125 18 1
3166 Venus and Mars told me the neighborhood had changed... they were right! 1.1389 0.03358 144 127 14 3
3167 Yea, I know, small world. I hear it all day. Now if I get another drink soon, I'll have an ice age. 1.1389 0.04046 108 96 9 3
3168 Well wait til you hear this one! 1.1389 0.04254 108 97 7 4
3169 I'm sure everything will be alright, is that all you got? 1.1387 0.03140 137 119 17 1
3170 You listen. Why doesn't anyone else? 1.1387 0.03616 137 122 11 4
3171 One dark and stormy, please. 1.1387 0.03306 137 120 15 2
3172 Better make this my last drink,the room stopped spinning. 1.1387 0.03762 137 123 9 5
3173 One more of these and I’ll wake up with the spins! 1.1387 0.03465 137 121 13 3
3174 I'll have five more. 1.1387 0.03465 137 121 13 3
3175 Why should it be only the world leaders who get drunk on power? Give the world a chance! 1.1387 0.03140 137 119 17 1
3176 I am just tired of having the weight of the world on my shoulders. 1.1387 0.03306 137 120 15 2
3177 Ya know, if someone would just draw the longitudinal lines, I wouldn’t look this fat. 1.1387 0.03616 137 122 11 4
3178 I knew it was over when she likened me to an oyster. 1.1387 0.03616 137 122 11 4
3179 It's been a really tough year! 1.1386 0.02949 166 145 19 2
3180 It’s you. Hi. You’re the problem it’s you. 1.1385 0.03581 130 115 12 3
3181 World weary? Try walking in my shoes, Bud! 1.1385 0.03581 130 115 12 3
3182 Earth telling a fat guy to stop eating. 1.1385 0.03744 130 116 10 4
3183 Please! I'm so hot. Can I have some more ice? 1.1385 0.03231 130 113 16 1
3184 Is it me or is it warm in here?” 1.1385 0.03411 130 114 14 2
3185 Then I heard the human vaccine was a hoax, but now I have them everywhere. 1.1385 0.03231 130 113 16 1
3186 It’s been another rough day in the galaxy! 1.1385 0.03411 130 114 14 2
3187 Better make it a double I'm fading fast! 1.1385 0.03581 130 115 12 3
3188 Easy. I don't need to spin any faster. 1.1385 0.03581 130 115 12 3
3189 Hit me up again. It’s expected I’ll drink up a storm. 1.1385 0.03581 130 115 12 3
3190 Make the next one on the rocks—I’m warming up. 1.1385 0.03744 130 116 10 4
3191 Hey Mac, please give me something cool. I’m overheating. 1.1384 0.03152 159 140 16 3
3192 Give me another double. I'm about to explode! 1.1382 0.03525 123 108 13 2
3193 And then, in 5 billion years, the sun... 1.1382 0.03710 123 109 11 3
3194 Did I leave a moon around here somewhere? 1.1382 0.03525 123 108 13 2
3195 I know I'm 71% water, but I still want a drink! 1.1382 0.03710 123 109 11 3
3196 You tell me your troubles, I'll tell you mine. 1.1382 0.03885 123 110 9 4
3197 My problems are bigger than global warming. 1.1382 0.03710 123 109 11 3
3198 Excuse me bartender but my ice has melted. 1.1382 0.03885 123 110 9 4
3199 I might be dirty, but I like my drinks neat. 1.1382 0.03710 123 109 11 3
3200 Keep the change,pal. Dimes have been causing earthquakes. 1.1382 0.03885 123 110 9 4
3201 Thanks, there ate few placrs where a planet can get a cool drink of watee. 1.1382 0.03885 123 110 9 4
3202 Excuse me. I’m so hot!! Could I get this on the rocks? 1.1382 0.03710 123 109 11 3
3203 The Doc told me to lay off the carbonated stuff.. 1.1382 0.03710 123 109 11 3
3204 Is the room spinning our is it just me?" Mary Livesay, Claremont, C 1.1382 0.03240 152 134 15 3
3205 Do you think it's odd that I would need a drink? 1.1379 0.04042 116 104 8 4
3206 Tell the chef this needs more salt. 1.1379 0.04223 116 105 6 5
3207 I can't help it, I start spinning every time I see a fat-bottomed girl. 1.1379 0.03477 145 129 12 4
3208 And on top of it, I'm losing my ice. 1.1379 0.03652 116 102 12 2
3209 That was some drink! Better have all the king’s horses and all the king’s men as well as all the democracies ready…I’m going to hit the dirt. 1.1379 0.04223 116 105 6 5
3210 Did you hear the one about the jackass who set his own house on fire? 1.1379 0.03441 116 101 14 1
3211 My fever just isn’t subsiding, and my doctor won’t see me! 1.1379 0.03477 145 129 12 4
3212 I’m up all day and all night with these horrible hot flashes 1.1379 0.03336 145 128 14 3
3213 Hey, my problems are your problems, whether you think so or not! 1.1379 0.03652 116 102 12 2
3214 I'm two thirds water - why would I want a drink? 1.1379 0.03336 145 128 14 3
3215 And then Doc says these hot flashes are normal at my age. 1.1379 0.03612 145 130 10 5
3216 Do you want to go around the world or not? 1.1377 0.02932 167 146 19 2
3217 Whata ya got for global warming? 1.1377 0.03591 138 123 11 4
3218 I am hot as hell in here,but I hate to ask you to turn the AC down 1.1377 0.03284 138 121 15 2
3219 I'm a planet: I drink-I spin-I orbit. 1.1377 0.03284 138 121 15 2
3220 Now all I hear is, Mars, Mars, Mars! 1.1376 0.03793 109 96 11 2
3221 Yeah, "A globe walks into a bar." I'm always the joke, but do I ever get a punch line? 1.1376 0.04217 109 98 7 4
3222 What in the world could I do? 1.1375 0.03005 160 140 18 2
3223 You ever feel like there are different people inside you? Like, 8-billion of them, all vying for control? 1.1374 0.03555 131 116 12 3
3224 I keep telling people I've changed, but no one believes me! 1.1374 0.03386 131 115 14 2
3225 As if things weren’t bad enough already, they then went ahead and invented the combustion engine! 1.1374 0.03386 131 115 14 2
3226 I’m going for the world record. 1.1374 0.03555 131 116 12 3
3227 I bought everybody a round, but it was flat! 1.1374 0.03555 131 116 12 3
3228 Why is it so hot in here? 1.1374 0.03555 131 116 12 3
3229 Hand to God, its my first since the equinox! 1.1374 0.03555 131 116 12 3
3230 Could ya put more ice in my drink? I really need to cool down. 1.1374 0.03872 131 118 8 5
3231 You have no idea how people mistreat me. 1.1374 0.03208 131 114 16 1
3232 By the looks of that hairline, I see your polar icecaps are melting too 1.1374 0.03717 131 117 10 4
3233 What's good for drowning my sorrows? 1.1374 0.03555 131 116 12 3
3234 Why? I drink because Mercury is hot; Venus, mysterious; Mars, explorable, but me, I get all the garbage. 1.1374 0.03555 131 116 12 3
3235 I’m telling you, man, I hate having vertigo. Do you know any good neurologysts? 1.1374 0.03872 131 118 8 5
3236 Please make this stronger! 1.1374 0.03717 131 117 10 4
3237 And, I am the weight on your shoulders. 1.1374 0.03386 131 115 14 2
3238 I’m running a fever, and I have hot water coming out both of my poles. 1.1374 0.03386 131 115 14 2
3239 And then he dropped me! 1.1373 0.03084 153 134 17 2
3240 Hello Henry. This is Earth. 1.1373 0.03220 153 135 15 3
3241 Have you got anything that will cool me down?" 1.1371 0.03855 124 111 9 4
3242 If my wife calls, I wasn't sphere. 1.1371 0.03306 124 108 15 1
3243 I can’t take it anymore! Everyone’s telling me I’m going to hell in a hand basket! 1.1371 0.03499 124 109 13 2
3244 I wish someone would take the weight of me off of me. 1.1371 0.03499 124 109 13 2
3245 Brother,do I need to cool down. 1.1371 0.03101 124 107 17 0
3246 I've lost my global view. 1.1371 0.03306 124 108 15 1
3247 I swear. The planet was full of water. And you were there, too, Uncle Ed. 1.1371 0.03681 124 110 11 3
3248 what in the world were your thinking? make it a triple! 1.1371 0.03855 124 111 9 4
3249 Just pour a double over my head - - feeling uncomfortably warm 1.1371 0.03306 124 108 15 1
3250 I'm not drunk; I'm always spinning! 1.1370 0.03315 146 129 14 3
3251 And then they all want to move to Mars! 1.1370 0.03016 146 127 18 1
3252 What does that even mean, hospice? 1.1370 0.03169 146 128 16 2
3253 Can you put the next one on the rocks? I’ve been feeling warmer recently. 1.1368 0.03821 117 104 10 3
3254 Another round of ice, please? 1.1368 0.04009 117 105 8 4
3255 Emissions trading? Carbon capture? Well, why don't you rearrange the deck chairs while you're at it? 1.1368 0.03623 117 103 12 2
3256 Remember me, gorby as in Gorbychov? 1.1368 0.04189 117 106 6 5
3257 Could you turn up the A/C? (submitted by Oscar Klein, Brooklyn NY) 1.1368 0.03623 117 103 12 2
3258 Can I get some extra ice over here? 1.1368 0.03821 117 104 10 3
3259 Atlas shrugged so I really need this drink. 1.1368 0.03821 117 104 10 3
3260 The Creator always thought I was the runt of the family. 1.1368 0.03623 117 103 12 2
3261 I need someone’s attention! 1.1367 0.03417 139 123 13 3
3262 Hurry up, barman. I’m getting rather thirsty around the Sahara. 1.1367 0.03417 139 123 13 3
3263 No one talks about hot flashes when you're young. 1.1367 0.03567 139 124 11 4
3264 Hey, Buddy. I could use some ice in here. 1.1367 0.03567 139 124 11 4
3265 I don't care that it's always 5 o'clock somewhere. If you give me one more Hurricane, I'll go insane. 1.1367 0.03261 139 122 15 2
3266 Your hands big enough? 1.1364 0.03532 110 96 13 1
3267 I'm just saying, I'd be a lot happier now if he'd taken the whole weekend off. 1.1364 0.03362 132 116 14 2
3268 You will not believe what I’ve been through today. 1.1364 0.03362 132 116 14 2
3269 A detox please 1.1364 0.03690 132 118 10 4
3270 I'm scheduled for Tommy John surgery on this arm because the weight of 7 billion people is throwing off my delivery. 1.1364 0.03201 154 136 15 3
3271 I'm feeling Weltschmerz again. 1.1364 0.03530 132 117 12 3
3272 Waiting on the world. 1.1364 0.03201 154 136 15 3
3273 They're destroying me! For real! In real time! 1.1364 0.03530 132 117 12 3
3274 Everyone thought the world of me. NowI'm just another highball . 1.1364 0.03760 110 97 11 2
3275 I could have been a Forever 1.1364 0.03530 132 117 12 3
3276 The horses did it! 1.1364 0.03530 132 117 12 3
3277 No ice in my drink, my icecaps are melting, and you're going bald - what's the world coming to? 1.1364 0.03532 110 96 13 1
3278 One cup of water is not enough. 1.1364 0.03530 132 117 12 3
3279 That world was my whole girl! 1.1364 0.03530 132 117 12 3
3280 Do you have anything much, much stronger? 1.1364 0.03530 132 117 12 3
3281 When faced with the dark void of space, I turn to the sun. 1.1364 0.04181 110 99 7 4
3282 I need something to cure this fever. 1.1361 0.03149 147 129 16 2
3283 I've been reassured that it's just a common cold. 1.1361 0.03149 147 129 16 2
3284 Is it just me or is it getting a little warm in here? 1.1361 0.03293 147 130 14 3
3285 More ice, please! 1.1360 0.03281 125 109 15 1
3286 Head? No, it’s enough to make your world spin. 1.1360 0.03281 125 109 15 1
3287 Can I get some more ice? 1.1360 0.03653 125 111 11 3
3288 You think you've got problems! 1.1360 0.03078 125 108 17 0
3289 Nobody knows the trouble I've seen. 1.1360 0.03472 125 110 13 2
3290 I know you've heard this before! 1.1360 0.03826 125 112 9 4
3291 I tell you, I was spinning ... 1.1360 0.03472 125 110 13 2
3292 Do you have anything besides Fireball? 1.1360 0.03653 125 111 11 3
3293 It's always a quarter to three somewhere, so set 'em up, Joe 1.1360 0.03826 125 112 9 4
3294 I guarantee you never heard problems like MINE! 1.1360 0.03653 125 111 11 3
3295 My job makes me dizzy! 1.1360 0.03472 125 110 13 2
3296 Don't know why I can't get a date. It's almost like I'm too hot. 1.1360 0.03472 125 110 13 2
3297 Half of them said I was "Hot" and the other half told me to "Shut up"! 1.1360 0.03991 125 113 7 5
3298 Have you ever been trapped in a relationship that's just not working anymore? 1.1360 0.03653 125 111 11 3
3299 Those other guys are big, but when is everyone going to realize they're full of hot air? 1.1360 0.03472 125 110 13 2
3300 Atlas and I, you know, he just got up and left me. 1.1360 0.03472 125 110 13 2
3301 I've been trying to kill myself for 10 years. Almost there. 1.1360 0.03472 125 110 13 2
3302 Why won't anyone listen to me. Susan Hanna, Columbus, Ohio 1.1360 0.03826 125 112 9 4
3303 Got anything with a little less CO2? 1.1360 0.03472 125 110 13 2
3304 I thought you were supposed to be worldly! 1.1358 0.03097 162 143 16 3
3305 Barkeep, I said on the rocks! That means ice! I. C. E.!!! 1.1357 0.03239 140 123 15 2
3306 Hello Sir - remember me? I'm the planet you live on! 1.1357 0.03543 140 125 11 4
3307 I have a worldwide headache! 1.1357 0.03543 140 125 11 4
3308 Better make that a double. 1.1357 0.03239 140 123 15 2
3309 My uncle raped me! 1.1357 0.03685 140 126 9 5
3310 You have drained me 1.1357 0.03077 140 122 17 1
3311 As it turns out, the earth may not abideth forever. 1.1357 0.03239 140 123 15 2
3312 Of course, the problems of one little planet don't amount to a hill of beans in this crazy, mixed-up universe. 1.1357 0.03543 140 125 11 4
3313 WHY CAN'T THE HUMAN SPECIES ACT RATIONALLY? 1.1357 0.03239 140 123 15 2
3314 Bless me Father , I am the eye of the storm 1.1357 0.03239 140 123 15 2
3315 Another hurricane please. I need to build up my tolerance for them. 1.1357 0.03685 140 126 9 5
3316 Can I get the sustainable menu, please? 1.1357 0.03685 140 126 9 5
3317 You would not believe the shape I’m in. 1.1356 0.03976 118 106 8 4
3318 Better make it a double, I won't be coming around again for awhile. 1.1356 0.03790 118 105 10 3
3319 Hot, hot, hot and no relief in sight! 1.1356 0.03790 118 105 10 3
3320 Why is it every time I tell you about my crappy day you tell me to cool down? 1.1356 0.03790 118 105 10 3
3321 And worst of all, my Florida don't work no more. 1.1356 0.03790 118 105 10 3
3322 What started as a touch of Pangea has developed into a full-fledged fever. 1.1356 0.03790 118 105 10 3
3323 It's worse than you think... 1.1353 0.03163 133 116 16 1
3324 Pour me a hurricane. 1.1353 0.03338 133 117 14 2
3325 I'm really thirsty, Bob; line 'em up! 1.1353 0.03664 133 119 10 4
3326 I mean, my whole life revolves around her, but I keep getting burned… 1.1353 0.03505 133 118 12 3
3327 Cut off? But this is just how my head spins! 1.1353 0.03505 133 118 12 3
3328 Give me Scotland on the rocks, please. 1.1353 0.03338 133 117 14 2
3329 Cut off?! I haven’t even told you about Clear Pepsi yet! 1.1353 0.03505 133 118 12 3
3330 You kept telling me there’d always be more fish in the sea! 1.1353 0.03664 133 119 10 4
3331 I heard your shots are revolutionary. 1.1353 0.03505 133 118 12 3
3332 Mama always said—never end up in someone else's science project... 1.1353 0.03505 133 118 12 3
3333 So what's wrong with knocking down a few? 1.1351 0.03410 148 132 12 4
3334 And I don't like being called Moonface 1.1351 0.04145 111 100 7 4
3335 And then they all left me for Mars. What does he got that I don't? 1.1351 0.02820 148 128 20 0
3336 On the rocks, please. I can't chill with this lukewarm solution. 1.1351 0.03129 148 130 16 2
3337 Another glass, if you don’t mind. It’s become warmer these past few decades… 1.1351 0.03728 111 98 11 2
3338 I’m burning up over here! I’ll take another. 1.1349 0.03797 126 113 9 4
3339 « Ménopause is such a nightmare! » 1.1349 0.03797 126 113 9 4
3340 I just don’t know how much more crap I can take! 1.1349 0.03626 126 112 11 3
3341 Hey, is the room spinning for you too? 1.1349 0.03626 126 112 11 3
3342 Fusion Smusion! Just call your café "GOOD EATS" ! 1.1349 0.03797 126 113 9 4
3343 Believe you me; I'm in a world of hurt. 1.1349 0.03797 126 113 9 4
3344 On the rocks? Not funny. 1.1349 0.03797 126 113 9 4
3345 Could you please add some ice to this. I'm burning up! 1.1348 0.03056 141 123 17 1
3346 Then he had the nerve to call me a "STAGE"! Can you believe that? Worst playwright ever. 1.1348 0.03372 141 125 13 3
3347 So I says to my doc, Atlas shrugged and I end up with a hernia. Go figure. 1.1348 0.03519 141 126 11 4
3348 I've tried everything else, let's see if alcohol can fix this. 1.1345 0.03565 119 105 12 2
3349 Barkeep, more water! 1.1345 0.03565 119 105 12 2
3350 Is it too warm in here,or is it just me? 1.1345 0.03945 119 107 8 4
3351 I know I'm in denial,but I'm not changing,I'll have my usual ok ? 1.1345 0.03565 119 105 12 2
3352 So then this watering hole was the only one around. 1.1345 0.03760 119 106 10 3
3353 Last call? Seriously? 1.1345 0.03945 119 107 8 4
3354 Are those humans sent to hell or here? 1.1343 0.03638 134 120 10 4
3355 Can I pay my tab next orbit? 1.1343 0.03315 134 118 14 2
3356 Yo, I'm almost out of ice again. 1.1343 0.03480 134 119 12 3
3357 God, can I get a break from this job? 1.1343 0.03638 134 120 10 4
3358 So then Elon says to her, ‘I’m going to give you the world.’ And we all thought he was kidding. 1.1343 0.03638 134 120 10 4
3359 What do you mean you don’t take plastic? 1.1342 0.03388 149 133 12 4
3360 Normally I’m on someone’s string, but it broke. 1.1342 0.03252 149 132 14 3
3361 I could really use some ice. 1.1339 0.03697 112 99 11 2
3362 Don’t worry, I always have the spins 1.1339 0.03908 112 100 9 3
3363 You better cut me off; I feel like I'm constantly turning. 1.1339 0.03908 112 100 9 3
3364 I’m telling you man I get the crap kicked out of me every day and I keep coming back for more. My analyst says I should push back more. 1.1339 0.03908 112 100 9 3
3365 Could I have some more water, life is too complicated right now. 1.1339 0.03908 112 100 9 3
3366 I adored her until she said I was her oyster 1.1339 0.03768 127 114 9 4
3367 I’ll know I’ve had too many once my head stops spinning. 1.1339 0.03768 127 114 9 4
3368 How am I doing?? You had to ask!! 1.1339 0.03233 127 111 15 1
3369 My ice has melted! 1.1339 0.03768 127 114 9 4
3370 Water, water everywhere and never a drop to drink" Samuel Coleridge, 179 1.1339 0.03421 127 112 13 2
3371 You know what kind of pressure comes with that "You mean the world to me" crap? 1.1339 0.03599 127 113 11 3
3372 Why the long face? 1.1339 0.03421 127 112 13 2
3373 I never thought hot flashes would get this bad! 1.1339 0.03421 127 112 13 2
3374 I'm World Weary, what's your name? 1.1339 0.03421 127 112 13 2
3375 So Mars and Venus walk into a bar… 1.1339 0.03599 127 113 11 3
3376 Another Pangaea for old memories. 1.1339 0.03421 127 112 13 2
3377 It’s my 79th day. Can’t quit now. 1.1338 0.03349 142 126 13 3
3378 I know flat when I see it. 1.1338 0.03349 142 126 13 3
3379 Anything on ice. 1.1338 0.03197 142 125 15 2
3380 I thought I was done for. But, Sir Elmer had this stuff that helped me put myself together. 1.1338 0.03036 142 124 17 1
3381 I am nervous; you people are not interested in reducing my temperature! 1.1338 0.03197 142 125 15 2
3382 Make it a double, bartender. I've got the world on my shoulders...and I don't have shoulders. 1.1338 0.03495 142 127 11 4
3383 Sometimes it feels like I've got the weight of the whole universe on my shoulders. 1.1338 0.03349 142 126 13 3
3384 What in the world is this drink called? 1.1338 0.03270 157 140 13 4
3385 Can you start serving that giant cube? The rocks melt too fast. 1.1338 0.03143 157 139 15 3
3386 It's not my fault there's no more ice! 1.1333 0.03906 135 123 6 6
3387 Just one drink and it goes right to my Arctic. 1.1333 0.03231 150 133 14 3
3388 If the Green New Deal doesn't pass my whole life will be up in smoke! 1.1333 0.03537 120 106 12 2
3389 It’s Quarter to Three. Now there’s really No-One left Except You and Me! 1.1333 0.03292 135 119 14 2
3390 68? You're in way better condition than me, and I'm a billion times older- 1.1333 0.02941 150 131 18 1
3391 It's not fair! Merc & Venus don't have any. I've got one. Jupiter has twelve. Even Pluto, that's not even a planet anymore, has five moons! 1.1333 0.03913 120 108 8 4
3392 I've lost my orbit. 1.1333 0.03333 120 105 14 1
3393 The Solar System is going to Hell in a Handbasket! What's a planet to do?! 1.1333 0.03119 135 118 16 1
3394 I tell ya. No one listens to me. 1.1333 0.03730 120 107 10 3
3395 …and then I got burned by a terrible fire. 1.1333 0.02941 150 131 18 1
3396 It feels like I'm spinning around in circles. 1.1333 0.03844 105 93 10 2
3397 I swear I’m over 21! 1.1333 0.03333 120 105 14 1
3398 Think locally - Drink globally. 1.1333 0.03762 135 122 8 5
3399 You think this is some kind of joke? 1.1333 0.03537 120 106 12 2
3400 … after decades of criticizing my shape and constantly comparing my size to that of the other planets… they just decided that I am flat now, and the hottest thing in the universe… 1.1333 0.03913 120 108 8 4
3401 Thanks but I’ve had enough fossil fuel for a lifetime 1.1333 0.03292 135 119 14 2
3402 Could I have some more ice? Mine keeps melting. 1.1333 0.03730 120 107 10 3
3403 Quarter to three...why is it only you and me? 1.1329 0.03124 158 140 15 3
3404 I asked for iced coffee. I'm plenty warm already. 1.1329 0.03327 143 127 13 3
3405 Ice caps, ice caps, always the ice caps. Can't they take their Scotch straight up like me 1.1329 0.03175 143 126 15 2
3406 Drinking's how I forget about the seven billion jerks who walk all over me. 1.1329 0.03472 143 128 11 4
3407 And it seems every time I turn around... there's more of 'em! 1.1329 0.03175 143 126 15 2
3408 There's fire in my belly but I just keep spinning. 1.1328 0.03572 128 114 11 3
3409 Sometimes I feel like the weight of me is on my shoulders. 1.1328 0.03740 128 115 9 4
3410 Yes, all the world's a stage, but the players are beginning to wear on my floorboards. 1.1328 0.03901 128 116 7 5
3411 I tell ya, I get no respect! No respect at all. 1.1328 0.03572 128 114 11 3
3412 Sure! Now that I’m hot I get all the attention! 1.1328 0.03395 128 113 13 2
3413 I have the spins. 1.1328 0.03572 128 114 11 3
3414 So I says to Venus, “Not all of us can take the heat like you.” Then she calls me a wuss. To my face! TO MY FACE! 1.1328 0.03901 128 116 7 5
3415 For heaven's sake, man, would you put on the AC. I'm burning up. 1.1328 0.03572 128 114 11 3
3416 No really Mack, I’ve got a world of troubles. 1.1328 0.03572 128 114 11 3
3417 So I said, "I'm no flatter than you are," and now somehow I'm the bad guy. 1.1328 0.03395 128 113 13 2
3418 Hey, Bartender! My ice melted. 1.1327 0.03876 113 101 9 3
3419 The weight of the world?”… To me that’s just fat shaming 1.1327 0.03444 113 99 13 1
3420 ...but when I looked up, it was Uranus ! 1.1327 0.04074 113 102 7 4
3421 I just say I'm one of the Real World's "helpers' ...it shuts the kids right up. 1.1327 0.04074 113 102 7 4
3422 Just half a shot and I feel like I'm already spinning. 1.1327 0.03876 113 101 9 3
3423 ... but then Charlton Heston finds the Statue of Liberty blown up on the beach, and I tell you what, I haven't slept a full night since. 1.1325 0.03211 151 134 14 3
3424 And...insult to injury.. .I don't even have shoulders., 1.1325 0.03346 151 135 12 4
3425 How would you like to have the weight of me on your shoulders? 1.1324 0.03269 136 120 14 2
3426 A few more edits and I tell you I’m going global. 1.1324 0.03735 136 123 8 5
3427 I have some earth-shattering news! 1.1324 0.03269 136 120 14 2
3428 Too many hot flashes. 1.1324 0.03098 136 119 16 1
3429 No worries, the moon will tide me over. 1.1324 0.03431 136 121 12 3
3430 Put me on Atlas’ tab. 1.1324 0.03269 136 120 14 2
3431 I can't tell if it's Starlink or just floaters, but they are driving me crazy. 1.1324 0.03269 136 120 14 2
3432 Thank for the water, I just came in to cool off a bit. 1.1324 0.03269 136 120 14 2
3433 I’m gonna stay here until things simmer down. 1.1324 0.03269 136 120 14 2
3434 To me, there's no such thing as a "good burn" 1.1322 0.03092 121 105 16 0
3435 How much to unbottle me some water? 1.1322 0.03701 121 108 10 3
3436 Whaddaya mean, virtue signalling?! With Greenland? Of course I'll take it neat. 1.1322 0.03882 121 109 8 4
3437 This is the only bar in the universe that will serve me. 1.1322 0.03701 121 108 10 3
3438 What state am I in? 1.1321 0.04038 106 95 8 3
3439 may I have more water I think mines polluted" 1.1319 0.03305 144 128 13 3
3440 First they dug a trench though Panama, dropped nukes on islands in the middle of nowhere and I thought that was there best shot. Then they invented the aerosol can! 1.1319 0.03720 144 131 7 6
3441 I’m afraid all my ice melted. 1.1319 0.03155 144 127 15 2
3442 Your equator has expanded since last time I was here. 1.1319 0.03449 144 129 11 4
3443 That churchgoing gal was no fun, but she sure made me feel young. 1.1319 0.03449 144 129 11 4
3444 Father, I’ve been doing a lot of drinking and thinking and drinking. Maybe a do over, like the time you did the flood? 1.1319 0.03155 144 127 15 2
3445 You probably don’t want to hear about the problems of the world, but… 1.1318 0.03371 129 114 13 2
3446 What do you mean, "We're out of rocks." 1.1318 0.03713 129 116 9 4
3447 I ordered water on the rocks -- this is just water. 1.1318 0.02990 129 112 17 0
3448 So he says Global Warming is a hoax! Gimme another ice cube! 1.1318 0.03713 129 116 9 4
3449 Excuse me. This water tastes a little like plastic. 1.1318 0.03546 129 115 11 3
3450 No more for me thanks, I don't want a super volcano eruption! 1.1318 0.03371 129 114 13 2
3451 So I told them, is it hot in here or is it just me? 1.1318 0.03546 129 115 11 3
3452 And then a big asteroid hit and wiped out the dinosaurs. I tell ya man I can't take it any longer. 1.1318 0.03546 129 115 11 3
3453 It just doesn’t make a world of difference to me any more. 1.1316 0.03191 152 135 14 3
3454 Can you turn up the air conditioning Mac? It's getting hot in here. 1.1316 0.03636 114 101 11 2
3455 C'mon, just one more -- climate change is a hoax! 1.1316 0.03843 114 102 9 3
3456 Goodbye, cruel world! 1.1316 0.02905 152 133 18 1
3457 Lately, I'm more of a glass-half-full kind of Earth. 1.1316 0.03636 114 101 11 2
3458 Hey man things are getting really hot these days” 1.1316 0.03843 114 102 9 3
3459 Be honest—do you think I’m small? 1.1314 0.03077 137 120 16 1
3460 Where I come from, we don’t have water, just whiskey, thanks. 1.1314 0.03562 137 123 10 4
3461 The doctor just told me to wear sun block! 1.1314 0.03077 137 120 16 1
3462 Really, salt water? You know that drinking that can kill someone! 1.1314 0.03562 137 123 10 4
3463 Sometimes it just feels like I gotta hit the Space Bar to continue. 1.1314 0.03246 137 121 14 2
3464 I dunno. One minute I'm freezing, the next I'm burning. I'm cranky then crying. Is this what menopause is supposed to be like? 1.1314 0.03246 137 121 14 2
3465 Venus? Mars? They suck! 1.1314 0.03988 137 126 4 7
3466 I'll have a Kamikaze. 1.1311 0.03482 122 108 12 2
3467 I can't believe she left me for the moon! 1.1311 0.03852 122 110 8 4
3468 Could you tell me which body of water this came out of? Some of it is more polluted than others. 1.1311 0.03852 122 110 8 4
3469 I think it’s obvious if you’re gonna keep digging, dumping and prodding then this relationship is pretty limited. 1.1311 0.03852 122 110 8 4
3470 I miss how we were! 1.1311 0.03482 122 108 12 2
3471 What can I say? The trigger is "Humpty Dumpty." As soon as I hear it, I start drinking again. 1.1311 0.03672 122 109 10 3
3472 Is this the world order? 1.1311 0.03672 122 109 10 3
3473 So the earth walks into a bar,and the bartender says 1.1311 0.03282 122 107 14 1
3474 Stop saying I'm hot! 1.1311 0.03282 122 107 14 1
3475 I feel like I’m carrying the world on my shoulders. 1.1311 0.03672 122 109 10 3
3476 One more cup of oil, and let's call it a night. 1.1310 0.03563 145 131 9 5
3477 And then one day, I was upside down! 1.1308 0.04002 107 96 8 3
3478 global relief 1.1308 0.04002 107 96 8 3
3479 I have a question, God. Why have you infested me with humans? 1.1308 0.03534 107 94 12 1
3480 No, my Doctors say I can't drink gasoline anymore! They recommend a scotch and solar instead. 1.1308 0.03346 130 115 13 2
3481 What on earth are you doing here?! 1.1308 0.03346 130 115 13 2
3482 Sure, I'm miserable with these humans but soon enough the Anthropocene epoch will yield to the Simian age. 1.1308 0.03520 130 116 11 3
3483 They never really loved me. 1.1308 0.02968 130 113 17 0
3484 Can you give me something stronger? I’m in a world of trouble! 1.1308 0.03346 130 115 13 2
3485 Man, you can't believe what it's like to carry the weight of a single person on your shoulders. 1.1308 0.03685 130 117 9 4
3486 I get all scrambled when I have more than one. 1.1308 0.03346 130 115 13 2
3487 I spin on my axis 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. The moon is standing in for me while I take a break. 1.1308 0.03346 130 115 13 2
3488 I can't seem to get rid of this pesky rash, so I'm trying heat 1.1308 0.03346 130 115 13 2
3489 The ice cubes in my drink keep melting, bartender! 1.1308 0.03685 130 117 9 4
3490 Where is the support group meeting? 1.1308 0.03163 130 114 15 1
3491 It was humiliating when they said I was no long the center of attention. Now that I'm supposedly one in million is devistating! 1.1308 0.03685 130 117 9 4
3492 If you get a new collar, you'd look just like the Pope! 1.1308 0.03346 130 115 13 2
3493 Hey there, can you recommend a place with a better atmosphere? 1.1308 0.03520 130 116 11 3
3494 Whiskey, on the rocks. A trillion trillion goddamn rocks! 1.1304 0.03537 138 124 10 4
3495 Got a few hours? Let me tell you what a year it's been. 1.1304 0.03056 138 121 16 1
3496 To be truthful, I'm warming up to turn all my oceans into scotch. 1.1304 0.03811 115 103 9 3
3497 I think I’ve had one too many. Feels like the room is spinning. 1.1304 0.03811 115 103 9 3
3498 Something to help me try and cool down, please. 1.1304 0.03606 115 102 11 2
3499 Why me? Even Uranus has it easier! 1.1304 0.03387 115 101 13 1
3500 Do I really have to give up drinking to stay afloat? 1.1304 0.03606 115 102 11 2
3501 Can I get a ‘good luck’ ? 1.1304 0.03384 138 123 12 3
3502 The glass is half Full! 1.1304 0.03811 115 103 9 3
3503 I said still water , not gas. 1.1304 0.03811 115 103 9 3
3504 We need to adopt a global perspective on this matter. 1.1304 0.03056 138 121 16 1
3505 Give me a double EV Martini with a wind turbine chaser. 1.1304 0.03056 138 121 16 1
3506 Another shot of fireball, sir. I can already feel the burn as it goes down. 1.1304 0.03811 115 103 9 3
3507 I'd love some ice to cool down a bit. 1.1301 0.02794 146 127 19 0
3508 I can quit whenever I want, Davey. 1.1301 0.03262 146 130 13 3
3509 I said "on the rocks." Haven't you heard? I'm burning up. 1.1301 0.03643 123 110 10 3
3510 You got anything that also kills parasites? 1.1301 0.03643 123 110 10 3
3511 Do you ever feel both shaken AND stirred? 1.1301 0.03456 123 109 12 2
3512 So he says "I'll give you the world",but does anyone ask if it's ok with me? Nope,Nada. 1.1301 0.03456 123 109 12 2
3513 So the Atlantic Ocean opens up 200 million years ago. And that pushes North America westward, right? Then, the continent drifts away from Pangaea I'm like oh no, oh no, and sure enough. Seattle gets stuck right in my eye. 1.1301 0.03822 123 111 8 4
3514 How do I get a refill? My lakes are half empty. 1.1301 0.03456 123 109 12 2
3515 …so, when all the kings men couldn’t put me back together, they stuck me in this globe. 1.1301 0.03643 123 110 10 3
3516 I'm actually a kickball. This is just jizz. 1.1301 0.03643 123 110 10 3
3517 Got any stronger electrolytes to treat this dehydration? This blazing heat has caused me to lose about 50% of my water 1.1301 0.03456 123 109 12 2
3518 People keep telling me not to get so hot and bothered but it's hard, you know what I mean? 1.1301 0.03643 123 110 10 3
3519 I only got this drink cause it comes with ice. Have you noticed how hot it’s been lately? 1.1301 0.03257 123 108 14 1
3520 The weight of the world 1.1301 0.03257 123 108 14 1
3521 You think you’ve got problems, I have Homo sapien cancer . 1.1301 0.03643 123 110 10 3
3522 Bartender, can I get something to cool me off? 1.1301 0.03257 123 108 14 1
3523 I'm bushed... have you seen Atlas around here? 1.1298 0.03322 131 116 13 2
3524 I am FLAT out over these silly rumors about me! 1.1298 0.03322 131 116 13 2
3525 Let me tell ya buddy, that sun has been on me all day. He thinks everything revolves around him! 1.1298 0.03658 131 118 9 4
3526 Tell me all your worldly problems 1.1298 0.03322 131 116 13 2
3527 I'll take the usual, even if it kills me. 1.1298 0.03494 131 117 11 3
3528 A glass of lemonade, just ice please. Madeleine Boudreau Dover, MA 1.1298 0.03140 131 115 15 1
3529 Believe me, the glass isn't even half-full. 1.1298 0.03140 131 115 15 1
3530 Forget about internal conflict. It's the external conflicts that keep me up at night. 1.1296 0.03967 108 97 8 3
3531 I just feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders. 1.1295 0.03202 139 123 14 2
3532 I'm dyin' out there 1.1295 0.03361 139 124 12 3
3533 Duh! Of course I want ice! Do you read??? 1.1295 0.03202 139 123 14 2
3534 You shoulda seen the other guy! 1.1295 0.03202 139 123 14 2
3535 There I was just running down the road trying loosen my load… 1.1295 0.03658 139 126 8 5
3536 No flat jokes. 1.1295 0.03035 139 122 16 1
3537 Did you ever hear that song 'Forever Young'? 1.1293 0.03576 116 103 11 2
3538 Honest…I’m trying to replenish the rivers, glaciers, oceans, and my skin condition. 1.1293 0.03576 116 103 11 2
3539 Last call? What in the world?!?! 1.1293 0.03360 116 102 13 1
3540 I'm going through the change. The hot flashes are the worst. 1.1293 0.03576 116 103 11 2
3541 Thay said I had the World in Hands. I believed them. 1.1293 0.03576 116 103 11 2
3542 Yo! Earth to Barney! I'm not here, okay 1.1293 0.03360 116 102 13 1
3543 Please save me! 1.1293 0.03576 116 103 11 2
3544 I suppose it's too late to switch to a new line of work? 1.1293 0.03780 116 104 9 3
3545 I'm just so tired of constant spin. 1.1293 0.03576 116 103 11 2
3546 I have to keep one foot on the floor to stop the spins. 1.1293 0.03241 147 131 13 3
3547 ...and then she says to me -- to me! -- she says, 'Oh, you've got problems? Well, I've got me a world of problems!' 1.1293 0.03241 147 131 13 3
3548 I know I shouldn't drink so much, but given my condition, I don't really care. 1.1290 0.03615 124 111 10 3
3549 If it's not one thing, it's the other. 1.1290 0.03429 124 110 12 2
3550 Every year I feel more watered down. 1.1290 0.03232 124 109 14 1
3551 I’m hot and tired. Do you have any ice cubes? 1.1290 0.03429 124 110 12 2
3552 I’d like to propose a toast: A round for everyone! 1.1290 0.02996 155 137 16 2
3553 Don’t give me an oily, petrochemical martini in a plastic cup. 1.1290 0.03792 124 112 8 4
3554 Uhhh, where's the ice? 1.1290 0.02852 155 136 18 1
3555 Just saying,they really screwed things up for me. 1.1288 0.03632 132 119 9 4
3556 Globalization is really getting to me. 1.1288 0.03118 132 116 15 1
3557 How am I? I'm hot. I'm cold. I'm dry. I'm wet. I'm high. I'm low. I feel like I'm just going in circles. And I'm infected with billions of noisy, messy, dirty, multiplying and spreading little destructive pests. 1.1288 0.03298 132 117 13 2
3558 Do you have anything strong enough to make all my troubles go away? 1.1288 0.03632 132 119 9 4
3559 It's tough to carry the whole world on my shoulders. 1.1288 0.03469 132 118 11 3
3560 Of course I'm blue, I'm the Earth! 1.1288 0.03298 132 117 13 2
3561 Nobody listens to me. 1.1288 0.03632 132 119 9 4
3562 I said I wanted my drink with ice and plenty of it! 1.1288 0.03788 132 120 7 5
3563 He said he was going to build a wall 1.1288 0.03469 132 118 11 3
3564 I can't get over being so hot all the time now. 1.1288 0.03632 132 119 9 4
3565 You know this global warming thing seems to be draining my oceans… 1.1288 0.03298 132 117 13 2
3566 Hey, is the liquor supposed to give me climate change? 1.1288 0.03469 132 118 11 3
3567 Did somebody order “water on the rocks with a twist?” 1.1286 0.03181 140 124 14 2
3568 So this gorilla walks into a bar. 1.1286 0.03489 140 126 10 4
3569 I'm not sure how much more I can take. 1.1284 0.04143 109 99 6 4
3570 I need to drink this water because I'm losing all of mine 1.1284 0.03074 148 131 15 2
3571 It’s not my fault I always get a Dark and Stormy 1.1284 0.03220 148 132 13 3
3572 So you want to talk about hoax? 1.1284 0.03360 148 133 11 4
3573 I fell through a hole in the Ozone and can’t phone home 1.1282 0.03104 117 102 15 0
3574 Do you have a prayer room? 1.1282 0.03104 117 102 15 0
3575 Thanks to people like you the world is easier to deal with. 1.1282 0.03547 117 104 11 2
3576 Give me a cold one - I'm burning up. 1.1282 0.03333 117 103 13 1
3577 The Half-Glass Full Barfly 1.1282 0.03333 117 103 13 1
3578 And did I tell you about pollution?! 1.1282 0.03547 117 104 11 2
3579 Can you please turn down the heat? 1.1282 0.03547 117 104 11 2
3580 I asked for ice! 1.1280 0.03403 125 111 12 2
3581 Could I get another one but with no fizz this time? 1.1280 0.03403 125 111 12 2
3582 Is it hotter than usual in here, or is it just me? 1.1280 0.03208 125 110 14 1
3583 I tell ya I get no respect. 1.1280 0.03763 125 113 8 4
3584 It's one of those stop the world I want to get off days. 1.1280 0.03588 125 112 10 3
3585 Why do you New York bartenders think the only thing worth offering is a Manhattan? 1.1280 0.03208 125 110 14 1
3586 My life just goes around in circles, and I’ve started losing control. 1.1280 0.03403 125 111 12 2
3587 Everyone says that I have gone crazy! But I say that the people are the ones that have gone crazy! Know what I mean! 1.1280 0.03763 125 113 8 4
3588 Another Dark N’ Stormy, extra stormy. 1.1280 0.03403 125 111 12 2
3589 … and I’ve been in trouble with Gaia since she knows I won’t clean up my act. 1.1280 0.03403 125 111 12 2
3590 I get splitting headaches from asteroids. 1.1278 0.03096 133 117 15 1
3591 What's the world coming to? 1.1278 0.03444 133 119 11 3
3592 Hand to God, I AM the weight of the world. 1.1278 0.03606 133 120 9 4
3593 She keeps trying to get me read "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"... 1.1278 0.03606 133 120 9 4
3594 You know what l always say. Drink gin. Save that tap water to keep America’s lawns green. 1.1278 0.03444 133 119 11 3
3595 My ice is all melted! 1.1278 0.03606 133 120 9 4
3596 I understand, my ice has been melting too 1.1278 0.03444 133 119 11 3
3597 Everyone complains about the weight of the world on their shoulders, and yet they promise the world. Which is it? 1.1278 0.03275 133 118 13 2
3598 I said ‘with ice!’” Saman Mojibi Santa Monica, Cali 1.1278 0.03275 133 118 13 2
3599 It's like I've got the weight of me on my shoulders. 1.1278 0.03444 133 119 11 3
3600 I think I'm lost. 1.1278 0.03275 133 118 13 2
3601 My friends keep trying to get me to quit, but the doctor says I'm dying anyways so what's the point? 1.1278 0.03444 133 119 11 3
3602 That last sea breeze was a bit too strong. It was more like a hurricane. 1.1277 0.02995 141 124 16 1
3603 I've got the weight of the world and no shoulders. 1.1277 0.03159 141 125 14 2
3604 What in the world did you put in this drink? It’s fantastic1 1.1277 0.03159 141 125 14 2
3605 You think you have troubles! 1.1275 0.02742 149 130 19 0
3606 But why am I complaining to you? You guys never listen. 1.1275 0.02902 149 131 17 1
3607 The daily hot flashes -- after 4 billion years, it must be menopause. 1.1275 0.02902 149 131 17 1
3608 Then Saturn turns to me and says,what are you complaining about? You only have one moon to worry about. 1.1275 0.04103 102 92 7 3
3609 Mars hasn’t been in, right, red, yay high, cold and dry, because he said one more probe and he would wring me dry. 1.1274 0.02960 157 139 16 2
3610 Is it just me, or is it really hot in here? 1.1273 0.04106 110 100 6 4
3611 Make the next one on the rocks, I really need to cool off 1.1273 0.03678 110 98 10 2
3612 Your special to reduce global warming anxiety--is that shaken or stirred? 1.1273 0.03898 110 99 8 3
3613 Ned,how much carbonation was in that mixed drink ? I feel bubbly. 1.1273 0.03898 110 99 8 3
3614 I feel like all I'm doing is going around in circles. 1.1271 0.03719 118 106 9 3
3615 Please, just line 'em up! 1.1271 0.03519 118 105 11 2
3616 Can I get some more ice? Mine's melted 1.1271 0.03306 118 104 13 1
3617 Hey buddy! Help! I got the spins! 1.1271 0.03519 118 105 11 2
3618 Clearly one drink won’t cut it. 1.1271 0.03719 118 106 9 3
3619 My original plan was to keep spinning for another thousand years while building up my 401k and then retire to another solar system. 1.1271 0.03519 118 105 11 2
3620 i sued ot be so nice and flat. I can't beleive how round and fat I've become. 1.1271 0.03306 118 104 13 1
3621 It’s getting a little hot in here. Could you please turn down the greenhouse gasses? 1.1271 0.03519 118 105 11 2
3622 Thanks, Leo, I knew you’d understand my situation. 1.1271 0.03719 118 106 9 3
3623 My problems are outta this world. 1.1271 0.03519 118 105 11 2
3624 Gimme another Catastrophe with a twist of lemon! 1.1270 0.03735 126 114 8 4
3625 i'm the forgotten Mother... 1.1270 0.03561 126 113 10 3
3626 I'm feeling a little bloated... 1.1270 0.02978 126 110 16 0
3627 Bring me a couple of coolers. 1.1270 0.03561 126 113 10 3
3628 Everyday I feel like I have a fever, my doctor says I have too much water weight, and I may be losing my job to the moon. 1.1270 0.03378 126 112 12 2
3629 I don’t know what happened Carl, but I used to have it all together. 1.1270 0.03561 126 113 10 3
3630 Have you ever looked up the definition of 'oblate'? It's not flattering. 1.1270 0.03735 126 114 8 4
3631 What happened to the ice cubes in my drinks? 1.1270 0.03378 126 112 12 2
3632 Another moonshot please. 1.1270 0.03561 126 113 10 3
3633 Can we drink to world peace? 1.1270 0.03378 126 112 12 2
3634 Actually, can I get this on the rocks? 1.1270 0.03378 126 112 12 2
3635 But there are plenty of fish in ME! 1.1269 0.03074 134 118 15 1
3636 More ice please. My hot flashes are getting unbearable. 1.1269 0.03074 134 118 15 1
3637 I don't know why they tell me I'm flat" 1.1269 0.03420 134 120 11 3
3638 All I want is a second chance! 1.1269 0.03580 134 121 9 4
3639 I’m suffering from drought and wildfires on every continent; so line up another double drink please! 1.1269 0.03580 134 121 9 4
3640 Thanks! I needed this! 1.1269 0.03580 134 121 9 4
3641 What do you mean I only get one shot? 1.1269 0.02886 134 117 17 0
3642 Hey I have some problems Want to hear ? 1.1269 0.03580 134 121 9 4
3643 Mom's been a real pain in my neck lately. 1.1269 0.03252 134 119 13 2
3644 The doc gave me 13 years to live. 1.1269 0.03252 134 119 13 2
3645 Ok, Joe. I'll have one more for the orbit. 1.1269 0.03420 134 120 11 3
3646 Do you have a nightmare-blizzard? 1.1268 0.03138 142 126 14 2
3647 Cut me off if I order more boilermakers. 1.1268 0.03294 142 127 12 3
3648 Sure, call me paranoid, but have you seen Pluto in here lately? 1.1268 0.03138 142 126 14 2
3649 Is it me, or does it feel hot in here? 1.1268 0.02975 142 125 16 1
3650 Excuse me, sir, but this beverage is making my sea levels rise. 1.1268 0.02802 142 124 18 0
3651 And I can't even get property insurance! 1.1262 0.04065 103 93 7 3
3652 All the world's a bar. 1.1261 0.03864 111 100 8 3
3653 It just feels like I'm carrying the weight of the world. 1.1261 0.03646 111 99 10 2
3654 What do you mean, you don't have any ice either? 1.1261 0.03414 111 98 12 1
3655 Is this water polluted" "Why the hell do you care? 1.1261 0.04267 111 102 4 5
3656 Make my next water a triple. I'm not back to 70% yet. 1.1261 0.03864 111 100 8 3
3657 How many of these plastic glasses do you go through in a week? 1.1261 0.03491 119 106 11 2
3658 I’ve got a scorching headache, I’m belching smoke and my throat is parched…hit me again! 1.1261 0.03689 119 107 9 3
3659 So then my sun said, "I'm gonna last longer than you are, ya know." I mean, kids these days. 1.1261 0.03491 119 106 11 2
3660 Monsignor, tell God that I will be just fine after my global warming phase gets rid of all my human parasites. 1.1261 0.03689 119 107 9 3
3661 Just water. I’m already spinning. 1.1261 0.03491 119 106 11 2
3662 I’ve seen the world, but yet I am still alive? 1.1261 0.03689 119 107 9 3
3663 If I look like Earth with little doll arms, then don't pour me another. 1.1261 0.03055 119 104 15 0
3664 On second thought, I’d better get a double. 1.1261 0.03877 119 108 7 4
3665 Why a cold brew ? I feel a couple of degrees warmer . 1.1261 0.03689 119 107 9 3
3666 Sorry, but I'm afraid it's closing time. 1.1261 0.03689 119 107 9 3
3667 Your drinks are out of this world 1.1261 0.03877 119 108 7 4
3668 I still haven’t gotten over losing Pluto. 1.1261 0.03689 119 107 9 3
3669 I know I shouldn't but could I have one more...? 1.1260 0.03534 127 114 10 3
3670 Thanks to climate change I am now living with Chronic Coastline Revision Syndrome (CCRS). 1.1260 0.03534 127 114 10 3
3671 So, this guy I met thinks the world of me. 1.1260 0.03534 127 114 10 3
3672 Bartender, what I really need is cure for people, but I’ll settle for three fingers of Lagavulin. 1.1260 0.03534 127 114 10 3
3673 Could you please turn up the air conditioning? 1.1260 0.03352 127 113 12 2
3674 '.....and it doesn't seem to matter what I tell them!' 1.1260 0.03707 127 115 8 4
3675 The world is too much with me. 1.1260 0.03352 127 113 12 2
3676 I can’t stop thinking about how much poop is on me right now! 1.1260 0.03161 127 112 14 1
3677 Is it warm in here or is it me? 1.1260 0.03161 127 112 14 1
3678 I have switched from beer to the hard stuff since watching OPPENHEIMER 1.1260 0.03161 127 112 14 1
3679 Put some ice in it. I’m all out. 1.1260 0.03534 127 114 10 3
3680 I've got a whole world full of problems, I'm just a speck in the universe, it's no wonder I'm spinning." 1.1260 0.03707 127 115 8 4
3681 Hello! Sir? Can I get a little attention here? 1.1260 0.03352 127 113 12 2
3682 You're just like them. 1.1260 0.03707 127 115 8 4
3683 You mean you don't believe in Gaia? 1.1260 0.03707 127 115 8 4
3684 Well if you must know, global warming has driven me to drink 1.1260 0.03352 127 113 12 2
3685 What. On. Earth. 1.1259 0.03229 135 120 13 2
3686 Who am I? Gorbachev? Phantom of the Opera? A fallen Humpty Dumpty? Guess…Who am I? 1.1259 0.03555 135 122 9 4
3687 You think you got troubles? I got every trouble in the world. 1.1259 0.03053 135 119 15 1
3688 No hard feelings 1.1259 0.03053 135 119 15 1
3689 And then the doctor said that I needed to lay off the hot drinks due to my melting ice caps! 1.1259 0.03555 135 122 9 4
3690 I'm fine, but my resources are wasted." 1.1259 0.03053 135 119 15 1
3691 Nope. Still not happy. 1.1259 0.02955 143 126 16 1
3692 Please tell the chef, it’s real 1.1259 0.03117 143 127 14 2
3693 No thanks. I've got a mix of nuts up to here. 1.1259 0.03272 143 128 12 3
3694 Hey,pal! Over here! I’m feeling totally forgotten! 1.1259 0.02955 143 126 16 1
3695 It sure is hot out! 1.1259 0.03272 143 128 12 3
3696 I couldn’t find another way to avoid reality. 1.1259 0.02955 143 126 16 1
3697 Can I get my oyster shooters? 1.1259 0.03117 143 127 14 2
3698 My girl gives me lots of Global Warming, but now that she's going through, 'the change, Climate Change,' Venus has become 'distant.' 1.1258 0.03159 151 135 13 3
3699 Refill, please. 1.1250 0.03328 128 114 12 2
3700 And then Venus said, I'm outta here! 1.1250 0.03137 128 113 14 1
3701 I’ve had some calamities in my lower region. 1.1250 0.03463 120 107 11 2
3702 pp 1.1250 0.03679 128 116 8 4
3703 When the world ends,where will I drink? 1.1250 0.03097 144 128 14 2
3704 What? No ice? 1.1250 0.03032 136 120 15 1
3705 And then he says to me, "You can take your climate change and shove it up Uranus. 1.1250 0.03846 120 109 7 4
3706 I just spin and spin. No breaks. I just cannot take it anymore. I should have jumped in that black hole when I had the chance, you know. 1.1250 0.03660 120 108 9 3
3707 Yes, I am the earth, but I didn't planet. 1.1250 0.03530 136 123 9 4
3708 You wouldn't believe the week I had! 1.1250 0.03328 128 114 12 2
3709 It ain't easy being this hot! 1.1250 0.03372 136 122 11 3
3710 I'm always hot. My doc says I need to get off the stuff. But just give me one more before you close up, Sam. 1.1250 0.03328 128 114 12 2
3711 Peace on it! 1.1250 0.03140 152 136 13 3
3712 Sorry, I don't mean to go on about the whole world's problems. 1.1250 0.03206 136 121 13 2
3713 Hey Buddy, could you help me solve a few problems? 1.1250 0.03463 120 107 11 2
3714 I feel like I've got the whole world on my shoulders. Except for an active volcano in my left foot, but that might be plantar fasciitis. 1.1250 0.03250 144 129 12 3
3715 I didn't think things could get worse, but they sure did. Give me another double. 1.1250 0.03660 120 108 9 3
3716 And then she told me I wasn't hot enough for her - - - how ridiculous is that! 1.1250 0.03463 120 107 11 2
3717 Get off my back,” he says. 1.1250 0.03463 120 107 11 2
3718 Remember the world is your oyster. Bill Hill Encino, CA 1.1250 0.03328 128 114 12 2
3719 And the pennies from Heaven, aren't even copper. 1.1250 0.03328 128 114 12 2
3720 I have to get used to having mine neat. 1.1250 0.03372 136 122 11 3
3721 Don't know what is going on with me! I got the cold sweats but feel like I am burning up! I'm so bloated that I'm sure I'm going to blow up! I can hardly catch my breath! But, on a more positive note, my doctor says I have nothing to worry about. 1.1250 0.04253 104 95 5 4
3722 Excuse me, I’m running low on ice! 1.1250 0.03140 152 136 13 3
3723 You'd be surprised how hard it is to get water that's not served in plastic. 1.1250 0.02935 128 112 16 0
3724 You ever have one of those days when you feel like you have the weight of the whole world on your shoulders? 1.1250 0.03660 120 108 9 3
3725 No, I asked for water on my back. 1.1250 0.03679 128 116 8 4
3726 You know Joe, I feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders. 1.1250 0.03463 120 107 11 2
3727 My worst day - a lunar eclipse. Between the gasses and the mooning, the atmosphere is toxic. 1.1250 0.03254 120 106 13 1
3728 I'm telling you, it's not easy carrying the weight of me on these inadequate shoulders 1.1250 0.04231 112 103 4 5
3729 But nobody would really listen to me. 1.1250 0.03463 120 107 11 2
3730 You know, every time I look at your head, I think of Baja California. 1.1250 0.03530 136 123 9 4
3731 Water! Make it a double! 1.1250 0.03372 136 122 11 3
3732 It seems like my days are numbered. At first people thought the world was flat, then my time came and it's been great. But now everyone is realizing the world is crooked! 1.1250 0.02907 160 142 16 2
3733 Can I recycle this? 1.1250 0.03846 120 109 7 4
3734 More water please. Mine's evaporating. 1.1250 0.02846 136 119 17 0
3735 I got it bad but Atlas has it worse. 1.1242 0.03120 153 137 13 3
3736 "You gotta do better than this. I'm burning up!" 1.1241 0.03077 145 129 14 2
3737 You can't possibly imagine the world of problems I'm carrying. 1.1241 0.02748 145 127 18 0
3738 I’m looking for Charles Atlas. You look like a monk! 1.1241 0.03077 145 129 14 2
3739 I swear I will call an Uber 1.1241 0.03655 137 125 7 5
3740 Just neat... No water... I'm already 75% water. No more water! 1.1241 0.03348 137 123 11 3
3741 I wish people would stop telling me I'm shrinking. 1.1241 0.03184 137 122 13 2
3742 Do you ever get the feeling you have zillions of microbes crawling over you too? 1.1241 0.03184 137 122 13 2
3743 Are you sure you are not Atlas. 1.1241 0.03184 137 122 13 2
3744 Excuse me, sir? Could I trouble you for a full pitcher? I really am very hot. 1.1241 0.03348 137 123 11 3
3745 You're getting nowhere, spinning in circles", she says. "No wonder you're the only habitable planet in the whole universe". 1.1240 0.03651 129 117 8 4
3746 Thanks, Barkeep, but I don't think you have nearly enough time to listen. 1.1240 0.03303 129 115 12 2
3747 I'm telling you, buddy, you don't know the half of it. 1.1240 0.03482 129 116 10 3
3748 In the condition I 'm in,I will need you to "keep them coming". 1.1240 0.03651 129 117 8 4
3749 I dunno, Joe. Sometimes it just feels like I’m going round in circles. 1.1240 0.03482 129 116 10 3
3750 Could you turn the heat down, buddy? I’m burning up. 1.1240 0.03303 129 115 12 2
3751 That guy Atlas was a schmuck, and then some 1.1240 0.03303 129 115 12 2
3752 Two beers?! Who are you -Ted Cruz? 1.1240 0.03303 129 115 12 2
3753 Come on man, gimme one more shot. I've been through worse. 1.1240 0.03482 129 116 10 3
3754 Ever look into a black hole? 1.1240 0.02913 129 113 16 0
3755 Hey! A little help here. My glass is only half full! 1.1240 0.03303 129 115 12 2
3756 I can't take it anymore. 1.1240 0.03114 129 114 14 1
3757 See ya' around... 1.1240 0.03303 129 115 12 2
3758 Even my wife says I’m not a planet any more. 1.1240 0.03482 129 116 10 3
3759 I need a cold drink to help me cool off. 1.1240 0.03114 129 114 14 1
3760 Did you ever feel like the whole world was on your shoulders?" 1.1240 0.03303 129 115 12 2
3761 And then there’s my glaciers! Don’t even get me started on my glaciers! 1.1240 0.03436 121 108 11 2
3762 I feel terrible about it! The more I learn worse it seems. What can I do to stop burning people? 1.1240 0.03631 121 109 9 3
3763 You tell me, what on earth's a guy to do? 1.1240 0.03631 121 109 9 3
3764 Make it a double – humans are stressing me out. 1.1240 0.03229 121 107 13 1
3765 These humans, I tell ya. Ive tried burning them, flooding them, zapping them with lightning. I miss the dinosaurs... 1.1240 0.03436 121 108 11 2
3766 I was HOT. Everyone was talking about me. Then, nothing. 1.1240 0.03631 121 109 9 3
3767 Wait, are you all drinking this filtered? 1.1240 0.03631 121 109 9 3
3768 Just need to break out of the daily grind. 1.1240 0.03631 121 109 9 3
3769 And another thing.....He DOESN'T have me in His hands! 1.1240 0.03436 121 108 11 2
3770 May I please have a drink large enough to reverse my aquifer depletion? 1.1239 0.04002 113 103 6 4
3771 I don't get what women want these days. She says she wants a worldly guy, here I am. Then she says she wants someone who's hot. That's me, and I'm only getting hotter! 1.1239 0.03585 113 101 10 2
3772 It won't be long now. 1.1239 0.03585 113 101 10 2
3773 And just like that they left me 1.1239 0.03585 113 101 10 2
3774 Cut me off! I feel like I’m spinning! 1.1239 0.03585 113 101 10 2
3775 Take my strife - Please! 1.1239 0.03585 113 101 10 2
3776 I’ll have another but this time on the rocks. 1.1239 0.03799 113 102 8 3
3777 You wouldn’t believe the pain from the weight on my shoulders! 1.1239 0.03585 113 101 10 2
3778 Cut me off,Bill. My vertigo is starting to act up. 1.1234 0.03101 154 138 13 3
3779 They want me to solve the world's problems, can you believe it? 1.1233 0.03208 146 131 12 3
3780 I know it’s insane sounding but I’m telling you man they really think I’m flat! 1.1233 0.03208 146 131 12 3
3781 May I have some water from a different planet? 1.1233 0.02898 146 129 16 1
3782 Is it just me? 1.1232 0.02808 138 121 17 0
3783 I don't know what you're complaining about; I've always been bald. 1.1232 0.03162 138 123 13 2
3784 Please gimme some ice with this! 1.1232 0.03481 138 125 9 4
3785 My Solar System doesn’t understand me! 1.1232 0.02990 138 122 15 1
3786 I'm getting more and more of these hot flashes these days. Something's not right. 1.1232 0.02990 138 122 15 1
3787 Excuse me, I asked for 71% water 1.1232 0.03162 138 123 13 2
3788 It's only half full. 1.1232 0.03325 138 124 11 3
3789 anything on ice for me, Sir 1.1232 0.03162 138 123 13 2
3790 Does it feel really hot to you? 1.1232 0.03325 138 124 11 3
3791 I got a real big tip for you. 1.1232 0.03162 138 123 13 2
3792 Make it another cold one, Sam. I still can't cool off. 1.1232 0.03325 138 124 11 3
3793 If you think I need help, you should see my Mother! 1.1232 0.03162 138 123 13 2
3794 Please bring another drink with lots of ice this time. It is a global issue. 1.1231 0.03456 130 117 10 3
3795 One Purgative Presto--and keep 'em coming. 1.1231 0.03456 130 117 10 3
3796 Thanks, sir. Really helps cool me down in this hellish climate we're having. 1.1231 0.03625 130 118 8 4
3797 I guess you are doing Halloween just as early as I am. 1.1231 0.03279 130 116 12 2
3798 Oh, just try to tell me about hot flashes! 1.1231 0.03456 130 117 10 3
3799 What does it take to get a world some oysters? 1.1231 0.03279 130 116 12 2
3800 If I get tipsy, then we're all in trouble. 1.1231 0.03456 130 117 10 3
3801 Hi! You didn't recognize me. I used to be Western Europe. 1.1231 0.03625 130 118 8 4
3802 Give me something to cool me down. 1.1230 0.03204 122 108 13 1
3803 And after all that, they have the nerve to leave me for Mars? 1.1230 0.03204 122 108 13 1
3804 So I take a drink cause I’m so DRY there, you know?, and, like right away!, there’s like a FLOOD instead!! … Hit me … 1.1230 0.03602 122 110 9 3
3805 No, make this the last round--if I have one more, my sea level will rise even faster!" 1.1230 0.03409 122 109 11 2
3806 I'll always be a divided self - either hot on top and cold on bottom at the same time. or cold on top, hot on bottom. 1.1230 0.02985 122 107 15 0
3807 Why do I feel like Humpty-Dumpty on a wall? 1.1230 0.03204 122 108 13 1
3808 A shot of fireball is the last thing I need right now. Can I get an ice water instead? 1.1230 0.03409 122 109 11 2
3809 It’s not just one strain of humans, I found I’ve got all of the strains on humans! 1.1230 0.03204 122 108 13 1
3810 She was out of this world. 1.1230 0.02985 122 107 15 0
3811 I’ve got the whole world on my shoulders. 1.1230 0.03409 122 109 11 2
3812 Here I am, over 70% of me covered with water — and still my glass is only half full! 1.1230 0.03602 122 110 9 3
3813 Being a large sentient marble with arms is rough 1.1230 0.02985 122 107 15 0
3814 I’m mostly water, and this drink is mostly water! 1.1230 0.03204 122 108 13 1
3815 What does an egg need to do to get a drink around here. Steve Weiss Chicago, illinois 1.1228 0.03555 114 102 10 2
3816 my turn? 1.1228 0.03555 114 102 10 2
3817 I think I drank too much, everything's not spinning! 1.1228 0.03767 114 103 8 3
3818 Hi Joe,got a lot stories I want you to know. 1.1228 0.03968 114 104 6 4
3819 you're killin me smalls! 1.1228 0.04159 114 105 4 5
3820 Some ice, please - I need to cool down. 1.1226 0.03720 106 95 9 2
3821 I'll have a burger, but do not cook it. 1.1226 0.03955 106 96 7 3
3822 I know it doesn’t look like I need it, but I’m only made of 3% freshwater. 1.1224 0.04170 98 89 6 3
3823 I want your most cooling drink before I melt completely.. 1.1224 0.02880 147 130 16 1
3824 And then I got a letter threatening to throw me out of the solar system! 1.1223 0.03141 139 124 13 2
3825 I’m hot and still can’t get a date! 1.1223 0.03303 139 125 11 3
3826 And then it hit me...it's bar stools all the way down. 1.1223 0.03604 139 127 7 5
3827 Relax. Did I ever tell you about the meteor in Yucatan? 1.1223 0.02970 139 123 15 1
3828 Is it me or is it really hot in here? 1.1223 0.03303 139 125 11 3
3829 Things were going OK most of the time. Then, about 200,000 years ago, a new weed species appeared. 1.1223 0.03457 139 126 9 4
3830 ....and then she says, "It's always something with you, isn't it?" 1.1223 0.03141 139 124 13 2
3831 Why does she keep calling me her Oyster? 1.1221 0.03758 131 120 6 5
3832 I mean, the Cardinals haven’t really been worthwhile since the Whitey Herzog days. 1.1221 0.03598 131 119 8 4
3833 I hear Google, Tesla and Apple are bidding to slap their corporate name on me, so you can kiss Earth goodbye. 1.1221 0.03598 131 119 8 4
3834 I lost my buddy - he's about so big and used to hang around me constantly! 1.1221 0.03598 131 119 8 4
3835 I guess I am no longer in his hands. 1.1221 0.03255 131 117 12 2
3836 Can I have another shot? 1.1221 0.03255 131 117 12 2
3837 I'm sure glad you have air conditioning. 1.1221 0.02872 131 115 16 0
3838 When you're 71% water, you get thirsty. 1.1221 0.03255 131 117 12 2
3839 Day after day spinning around... 1.1221 0.03070 131 116 14 1
3840 So what are you telling me…there’s no more ice? 1.1221 0.03255 131 117 12 2
3841 No, really – can I get some ice? 1.1220 0.03574 123 111 9 3
3842 Can I have one of those liquid nitrogen beverages please? Make it a double and hurry. 1.1220 0.03574 123 111 9 3
3843 My ice is all watery, can I get another round please? 1.1220 0.02963 123 108 15 0
3844 I respectly disagree with the plastic glass. 1.1220 0.03383 123 110 11 2
3845 Of course I self-medicate, No one will listen to me! 1.1220 0.03180 123 109 13 1
3846 So what, I’m a small world - why doesn’t anyone want to paint me? 1.1220 0.03180 123 109 13 1
3847 I don't care whether the glass is half full or half empty; the beer has just gone flat, and everything else seems to be going wrong. 1.1220 0.03930 123 113 5 5
3848 And then they insisted I could only have carbon cocktails! 1.1220 0.03180 123 109 13 1
3849 My cousin Venus went to hell in a handbasket! Give me another... 1.1220 0.02963 123 108 15 0
3850 It’s stressful ya know. One tiny bit out of orbit and the whole human race, not to mention discovery…gone. 1.1220 0.03383 123 110 11 2
3851 I don't know about you, but I've been SO thirsty lately. 1.1220 0.03930 123 113 5 5
3852 Can you make the next one 'on the rocks', I'm starting to feel very warm. 1.1220 0.03756 123 112 7 4
3853 I’ve really been having a lot of hot flashes lately! Do you think I’m menopausal? 1.1220 0.03574 123 111 9 3
3854 Is there such a thing as a triple shot? 1.1220 0.03383 123 110 11 2
3855 On the rocks, please. I keep hearing I need to cool down. 1.1220 0.03180 123 109 13 1
3856 I actually prefer it warmer. 1.1217 0.03526 115 103 10 2
3857 … and now all I hear is Mars, Mars, Mars…. Moon, Moon , Moon!!! Is it hot in here , or is it just me??? 1.1217 0.03062 115 101 14 0
3858 We're going to need something stronger than this! 1.1217 0.03526 115 103 10 2
3859 Hit me with your best shot!” Alan Mitchell, St. Louis, M 1.1217 0.03935 115 105 6 4
3860 Can you call me a taxi? 1.1215 0.03919 107 97 7 3
3861 What about MY shoulders? Anyone care about that? No, of course not. 1.1215 0.03919 107 97 7 3
3862 I feel as if I’ve been going round in elipses. 1.1214 0.03280 140 126 11 3
3863 Does a flush beat a full house ? 1.1214 0.03119 140 125 13 2
3864 Excuse me, Sir... This water is too warm and all of my ice has melted. 1.1212 0.03406 132 119 10 3
3865 It’s more of a comment than a question. 1.1212 0.03406 132 119 10 3
3866 Hey bud; just a tray of your best ice cubes please 1.1212 0.03048 132 117 14 1
3867 Do you have anything that would help a volcanic eruption? 1.1212 0.03572 132 120 8 4
3868 It’s 5 o’clock somewhere in the world. 1.1212 0.03406 132 119 10 3
3869 I’m gonna need some ice with this. 1.1212 0.03048 132 117 14 1
3870 They've now reached the age in which they think they are intelligent 1.1212 0.03048 132 117 14 1
3871 I’d give myself for a drink. 1.1210 0.03727 124 113 7 4
3872 Got any extra space in your cooler? 1.1210 0.03155 124 110 13 1
3873 I kept warning him, ‘Atlas, don’t go!’ But did he listen?” 1.1210 0.03547 124 112 9 3
3874 One last shot before I go,Sam. 1.1210 0.03547 124 112 9 3
3875 I need another drink fast, before a blow up or drown! 1.1210 0.03357 124 111 11 2
3876 This may sound off the wall, but I'm not feeling quite together. 1.1210 0.03547 124 112 9 3
3877 Hey, I got my spin and they got theirs. Wait a year and see who's still around!" 1.1210 0.03155 124 110 13 1
3878 It's on my shoulders... 1.1210 0.03727 124 113 7 4
3879 Wait, so there's no more ice? 1.1210 0.03357 124 111 11 2
3880 I tell you, the world is going to hell in a bucket. 1.1210 0.03155 124 110 13 1
3881 I damned well am getting hot and bothered. 1.1210 0.03155 124 110 13 1
3882 I feel like I've got the world on my shoulders, and i don't even have shoulders. 1.1210 0.03357 124 111 11 2
3883 This is a $16 pour? 1.1207 0.03497 116 104 10 2
3884 Do you sometimes feel I am spinning out of control? 1.1207 0.03705 116 105 8 3
3885 I told you I need more ice 1.1207 0.03497 116 104 10 2
3886 Bill, I believe this is killing me… 1.1207 0.03497 116 104 10 2
3887 But,I’m only flat in 2-D! 1.1207 0.03705 116 105 8 3
3888 I'm trying as hard as I can but the micro-organisms just won't let up. 1.1206 0.03098 141 126 13 2
3889 Everybody thinks I'm too warm but my wife says I'm cold. 1.1206 0.02930 141 125 15 1
3890 Is it just me or has the whole world gone crazy? 1.1206 0.03098 141 126 13 2
3891 Yea, well, I’ve been here before but man, this really ramped up fast this time! 1.1204 0.03884 108 98 7 3
3892 Pray for me, Father Rigoletto, I'm overheating. Have a cold one with me? 1.1204 0.03884 108 98 7 3
3893 This Fireball is on the house," said the bar tender... as he loved to watch the world burn 1.1204 0.04101 108 99 5 4
3894 Hey, ground control to Major Tom. I said no ice. 1.1204 0.03884 108 98 7 3
3895 No, I said EXTRA ice. Am I the only one burning up over here? 1.1203 0.02831 133 117 16 0
3896 So I tell the guy, look, I’m nobody’s oyster. 1.1203 0.03382 133 120 10 3
3897 Half of me thinks I'm not getting hotter. 1.1203 0.03209 133 119 12 2
3898 Sometimes I feel like I'm carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders.... 1.1203 0.03209 133 119 12 2
3899 Can't you see he shape we're in? 1.1200 0.03520 125 113 9 3
3900 A duck goes into a bar… 1.1200 0.03331 125 112 11 2
3901 Quick, 'tender, pour me a cold one! I'm overheating. 1.1200 0.03126 150 135 12 3
3902 To think there was a time when I meant the world to people. 1.1200 0.03331 125 112 11 2
3903 Everybody talks about the weather, but no one -- fuhgeddaboutit. 1.1200 0.03520 125 113 9 3
3904 I hoped I could get together again with that comet, but she said she needed space 1.1200 0.02979 150 134 14 2
3905 Egg whites in drinks? Is no place safe? 1.1200 0.03698 125 114 7 4
3906 I finally got my notice 1.1200 0.02979 150 134 14 2
3907 For all the whiskey in the me, I still can't explain how someone like Biden became president. In all my history, there's never been such an incompetent buffoon. 1.1197 0.03387 142 129 9 4
3908 ...I said, 'Look, Sheila, I know I don't revolve around myself, but some of us have lives, ya know?... 1.1197 0.02734 142 125 17 0
3909 Every day, I find my head spinning faster and faster. 1.1197 0.03468 117 105 10 2
3910 He just shrugged & waved good bye. 1.1197 0.03468 117 105 10 2
3911 Yes, I need to address Global Issues 1.1197 0.03468 117 105 10 2
3912 Now I'd like a Pacífico. 1.1197 0.03249 117 104 12 1
3913 Keep ‘em coming. My shoulders are killing me. 1.1197 0.03249 117 104 12 1
3914 I gave them their middle fingers. 1.1194 0.03521 134 122 8 4
3915 I’m nobody’s oyster! 1.1194 0.03186 134 120 12 2
3916 Is the burning feeling normal..? 1.1194 0.03186 134 120 12 2
3917 And then they ate the radioactive sushi! 1.1194 0.03005 134 119 14 1
3918 I swear, I have more problems than anyone. 1.1194 0.03521 134 122 8 4
3919 Ch-ch-Charlie? From the 7th grade? 1.1194 0.03357 134 121 10 3
3920 Who knew there would be a Global Negroni week??? 1.1194 0.03005 134 119 14 1
3921 …so she says, ‘I wouldn’t marry you if you were the last man on earth!’ 1.1194 0.03186 134 120 12 2
3922 If my life calls, tell ‘‘em I’m not here 1.1193 0.03850 109 99 7 3
3923 Floods in some places, droughts in others, what a Mother to do? 1.1193 0.03850 109 99 7 3
3924 I'm feeling feverish. Got some ice? 1.1193 0.04065 109 100 5 4
3925 Weight of the world on my shoulders? You have no idea. 1.1192 0.02961 151 135 14 2
3926 And then she was like, "I'm leaving you for Mars." 1.1190 0.03108 126 112 13 1
3927 and then they had the audacity to call me flat-chested 1.1190 0.03493 126 114 9 3
3928 No matter how much clean water I drink,my bowels are clogged. Got anything for digestion? 1.1190 0.02897 126 111 15 0
3929 The doctor said I could eat whatever I wanted. This is a good thing, right? 1.1190 0.03306 126 113 11 2
3930 Glass half full? I’d settle for some ice. 1.1190 0.03493 126 114 9 3
3931 They said it would only last a few years! 1.1190 0.03670 126 115 7 4
3932 Look at me! I'm practically unrecognizable now. 1.1190 0.03493 126 114 9 3
3933 Now they're using my ice cap to chill their nightcaps 1.1190 0.03493 126 114 9 3
3934 turn on the damn air conditioner already! 1.1190 0.03306 126 113 11 2
3935 But it’s happy hour on this hand. 1.1190 0.03493 126 114 9 3
3936 Please- no more shots! 1.1190 0.03306 126 113 11 2
3937 And then I realised, it's just circles, you know? 1.1190 0.03839 126 116 5 5
3938 Poor me! poor me! pour me another! 1.1190 0.03306 126 113 11 2
3939 And then she said, "You make me want to find another solar system to live in!". 1.1190 0.03108 126 112 13 1
3940 But I was told you could solve all of my problems. 1.1190 0.03306 126 113 11 2
3941 I have eight siblings that run circles around me. 1.1190 0.03306 126 113 11 2
3942 Do you know of a good designated driver or something like that ? That Atlas guy quit on me. 1.1189 0.02892 143 127 15 1
3943 And then she says, 'I'm tired of carrying your weight on my shoulders. I want a divorce!' 1.1189 0.03214 143 129 11 3
3944 I’m really glad I finally found someone to listen before closing time… 1.1189 0.03057 143 128 13 2
3945 A tall cold one ASAP! 1.1189 0.02892 143 127 15 1
3946 No, they broke up with me. 1.1188 0.04513 101 94 2 5
3947 Listen, being on shoulders all day is no picnic either. 1.1188 0.03799 101 91 8 2
3948 Can you turn on the AC? I 1.1186 0.03645 118 107 8 3
3949 I'd tell you all of my problems, but it would make my head spin. 1.1186 0.03440 118 106 10 2
3950 Nobody loves me. 1.1186 0.03838 118 108 6 4
3951 Oh, it's really OK. Just a case of Venus envy. 1.1186 0.03440 118 106 10 2
3952 Hit me again, Joe. I feel the weight of myself on my shoulders... 1.1186 0.03440 118 106 10 2
3953 Go away you say? Well a couple more snorts and maybe I will. 1.1186 0.03838 118 108 6 4
3954 I feel very hot. I can't seem to breathe well and I think I have cataracts because my vision is hazy. 1.1186 0.03645 118 107 8 3
3955 Then they burned my ass, man. My ASS! 1.1186 0.03223 118 105 12 1
3956 Yes, I am the designated Moon driver 1.1186 0.03440 118 106 10 2
3957 my father was round but my mother was flat. So what does that make me? 1.1185 0.03334 135 122 10 3
3958 Ya know, I think the world of you, but it’s not my problem! 1.1185 0.02984 135 120 14 1
3959 So I swear to God,the guy comes up to me and says I thought you was flat so I says to him who are you calling flat so you know what he says to me he says why I oughtta’ so you know what I said to him I says you big ugly lug for two stinking cents I…. 1.1185 0.03334 135 122 10 3
3960 Do you have any seasonal specials? I haven’t been around in a while.” 1.1185 0.03163 135 121 12 2
3961 Do you have a local beer? 1.1185 0.02984 135 120 14 1
3962 Just dump the whole ice chest over my head." 1.1184 0.02790 152 135 16 1
3963 The people are great, but the atmosphere is stuffy. 1.1184 0.02790 152 135 16 1
3964 What a world--don't you think? 1.1184 0.02790 152 135 16 1
3965 Last time I had a ‘roid, I nearly died. 1.1182 0.04029 110 101 5 4
3966 Can I get some more ice? Please don't tell me it's last call... 1.1182 0.03816 110 100 7 3
3967 Do I really look that weather beaten? 1.1181 0.03281 127 114 11 2
3968 All day, every day, all I hear is, the world is going to hell. How else can I deal with it. 1.1181 0.03085 127 113 13 1
3969 Could I get a whole lot more fresh water than this? 1.1181 0.03085 127 113 13 1
3970 Rollo, could you turn up the AC? 1.1181 0.03466 127 115 9 3
3971 I tell ya, it never stops. They just keep turning up the heat on me. 1.1181 0.03466 127 115 9 3
3972 I’m on fire. Keep dousing me. 1.1181 0.03085 127 113 13 1
3973 I’m not slurring my worlds… 1.1181 0.03281 127 114 11 2
3974 How is it that I’m the only mother in our solar system that has been suffering from hot flashes? You explain it to me! 1.1181 0.03642 127 116 7 4
3975 I ask you. Is that any way to treat your mother? 1.1181 0.03281 127 114 11 2
3976 An egg goes into a bar, sits down, but then falls off the stool. 1.1181 0.03085 127 113 13 1
3977 It’s like an itchy rash, should clear up soon 1.1181 0.02875 127 112 15 0
3978 Ever feel like you bear the weight of the world? 1.1181 0.03281 127 114 11 2
3979 And they say I’m 70% water! 1.1181 0.03085 127 113 13 1
3980 Keep em coming til I stop spinning. 1.1176 0.03197 119 106 12 1
3981 Nowadays, I feel like my whole me has been turned upside down. 1.1176 0.03310 136 123 10 3
3982 So hot and bothered. Give me a double! 1.1176 0.03413 119 107 10 2
3983 This time could I have 1 billion scotch on the rocks hold the scotch? 1.1176 0.03615 119 108 8 3
3984 My glass is half empty and I need ice. 1.1176 0.03807 119 109 6 4
3985 I was the center of her universe until Copernicus. … Well, everyone’s. But only she was the center of mine. 1.1176 0.03471 136 124 8 4
3986 Feverish. So I came in here to cool off. 1.1176 0.03413 119 107 10 2
3987 Listen man,I feel like I got my whole self on my shoulders. 1.1176 0.03310 136 123 10 3
3988 Make it a cold one. I'm running a fever of 1.5 degrees Celsius. 1.1176 0.03197 119 106 12 1
3989 I'd say I'm feeling the weight of the world, but, then again, been there, done that. 1.1176 0.03310 136 123 10 3
3990 Call a cab; I think I have the spins. 1.1176 0.02924 153 137 14 2
3991 Im starting to think I have a problem. Michael Riley 1.1176 0.03413 119 107 10 2
3992 I'm telling you, it's flat. This beer is flat! 1.1176 0.03141 136 122 12 2
3993 Please...boiling temperatures, mudslides, forest fires, earth quacks, rising oceans, tsunamis, a hurricane a week. They're killing me. Make it a double. 1.1176 0.03624 136 125 6 5
3994 SINCE GLOBAL WARMING KICKED IN I CAN'T SEEM TO GET ENOUGH FLUIDS! 1.1172 0.03319 145 132 9 4
3995 All my landmass is going away. I feel so bloated 1.1172 0.03062 128 114 13 1
3996 I feel like I've been used while my own needs have been cast aside. Thanks for listening to my story -- noone else seems to care. 1.1172 0.03615 128 117 7 4
3997 I’ll have the wight au jus, a la carte. And, I think its time to sip a bud. 1.1172 0.03257 128 115 11 2
3998 This time with a paper straw, barkeep. I'm on a diet. 1.1172 0.03257 128 115 11 2
3999 Is this place spinning around or is it just me? 1.1172 0.03257 128 115 11 2
4000 My humans don't understand me. 1.1172 0.03257 128 115 11 2
4001 There’s a drunk Australian down under causing trouble 1.1172 0.03257 128 115 11 2
4002 They always say they see the potential for life in me but they're looking at me from 120 years ago, you know? What if that's not who I am anymore? 1.1172 0.03440 128 116 9 3
4003 Just watering myself down,trying to keep the sea levels low. 1.1172 0.03440 128 116 9 3
4004 Some of our best wine areas are suffering from drought and others are being devastated by flooding. 1.1172 0.03257 128 115 11 2
4005 So tell me, if the world was a glass, would it be half-full or half-empty? 1.1172 0.03615 128 117 7 4
4006 You can't stop serving me! I'm dehydrated I tells ya! 1.1171 0.03560 111 100 9 2
4007 Sir, is my table ready for me? Sir is my table ready for me ? 1.1171 0.03783 111 101 7 3
4008 I know I have a drinking problem's it's actually become a Global Problem! 1.1171 0.03560 111 100 9 2
4009 I know I need to drink water to stay highdrated, but I am already too high from all the methane. 1.1171 0.03783 111 101 7 3
4010 -I drink only to make humans seem interesting… 1.1171 0.03783 111 101 7 3
4011 What’s your vote Joe? Planet? or not ? 1.1171 0.03560 111 100 9 2
4012 another night cap...no ice... 1.1168 0.02942 137 122 14 1
4013 I could use more ice. 1.1168 0.03120 137 123 12 2
4014 If I start falling, don't grab me by the South Pole 1.1168 0.03120 137 123 12 2
4015 Nothing carbonated please. 1.1168 0.03287 137 124 10 3
4016 My wife won't go around the world anymore! 1.1167 0.03777 120 110 6 4
4017 It’s really getting warm . 1.1167 0.03385 120 108 10 2
4018 I'll be right back for my drink. . . It's a small world but even smaller bladder! 1.1167 0.03172 120 107 12 1
4019 My water levels are rising. Make my next one neat. 1.1167 0.03586 120 109 8 3
4020 If you really want to address climate change, give me something strong enough to get me off my axis. 1.1167 0.03385 120 108 10 2
4021 And then they told... they told me.. ..mee... that the solar system does.. doesn't revolve around me.... What do they know?!? At least you get me.. 1.1167 0.03586 120 109 8 3
4022 Each time I break a plate I feel like Humpety Dumpety 1.1167 0.03586 120 109 8 3
4023 Let me tell you all my problems... 1.1167 0.03385 120 108 10 2
4024 Can I get a little help here? 1.1167 0.03385 120 108 10 2
4025 Excuse me! Do you think getting another cup of water is too much? 1.1167 0.03777 120 110 6 4
4026 Shaking, sweating, and hot. Covid? 1.1167 0.03586 120 109 8 3
4027 Could I get some ice with this, please? 1.1165 0.03975 103 94 6 3
4028 So, bartender, the sun is dying. Never again will I hitch my wagon to a star! 1.1164 0.02835 146 130 15 1
4029 I feel I have a great weight on my shoulders! 1.1163 0.03233 129 116 11 2
4030 Another shot of bourbon,sir! Might as well end this with a bang not a whimper. 1.1163 0.03233 129 116 11 2
4031 I can’t for the world of me why I can’t pick-up a girl. 1.1163 0.03415 129 117 9 3
4032 Half empty or half full? 1.1163 0.03415 129 117 9 3
4033 It's scary out there, trust me. 1.1163 0.02833 129 114 15 0
4034 What? No! It’ wasn’t me, it’s those wind farms! 1.1163 0.03415 129 117 9 3
4035 I tried to plan it, but it didn't work out. 1.1163 0.03588 129 118 7 4
4036 I am aging too fast! 1.1163 0.03415 129 117 9 3
4037 You have no ice! I really need to cool down, man. 1.1163 0.02833 129 114 15 0
4038 Don’t you get it? The weight of the world is on my shoulders. 1.1163 0.03588 129 118 7 4
4039 I don't know why I got a negative performance review. Do I look like a Pluto to you? 1.1161 0.03530 112 101 9 2
4040 More ice; hurry! 1.1161 0.03294 112 100 11 1
4041 When I drink too much, I get the spins. 1.1161 0.03751 112 102 7 3
4042 Do you have any ice? Mine has melted. 1.1161 0.03040 112 99 13 0
4043 I’d love to be impeached. Any chance of that happening? 1.1161 0.03294 112 100 11 1
4044 What on earth is this world coming too? 1.1161 0.03530 112 101 9 2
4045 I keep trying to get closer, but it's as if the moon can't hear me. 1.1159 0.03098 138 124 12 2
4046 It's not climate change that drives me to drink; it's the idiots that say it is not happening! 1.1159 0.03264 138 125 10 3
4047 Then she said I was flatter in person 1.1159 0.03264 138 125 10 3
4048 The ginger, apple cider vinegar & turmeric shot please 1.1159 0.02735 138 122 16 0
4049 Hey! I had a fight with my axis and now she's my ex. 1.1159 0.03264 138 125 10 3
4050 ...and, keep 'em comin'! 1.1159 0.02920 164 148 13 3
4051 Water please, humans are only 60 percent water, I’m in the mid 70 percent, so water now! 1.1157 0.03359 121 109 10 2
4052 I worry a lot, too. But what am I gonna wear on my shoulders, huh? 1.1157 0.03359 121 109 10 2
4053 I’ll try the latest fad please. Fresh water. 1.1157 0.02920 121 107 14 0
4054 It's more than the hot buttered rums that's doing this to me. 1.1157 0.03359 121 109 10 2
4055 I can't have anything with C02 in it. Doc says it may kill me someday!! 1.1157 0.03558 121 110 8 3
4056 That last Super Blue Moon just did me in! 1.1157 0.03147 121 108 12 1
4057 Could I get a cup of ice? 1.1157 0.03558 121 110 8 3
4058 You think you've got it bad? I've got the whole world on my shoulders! 1.1157 0.03359 121 109 10 2
4059 Both of us lost something. 1.1156 0.03131 147 133 11 3
4060 And then the Chinese opened another coal-fired power station. 1.1154 0.03209 130 117 11 2
4061 Bartender, keep 'em coming! It's been a loooong Anthropocene. 1.1154 0.03561 130 119 7 4
4062 No ice? Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, I walk into the one that's never heard of global warming! 1.1154 0.03390 130 118 9 3
4063 I'm severely dehydrated: another glass please! 1.1154 0.03432 104 93 10 1
4064 Earth to barkeep I need a drink fast 1.1154 0.03017 130 116 13 1
4065 These hot flashes are killing me 1.1154 0.02813 130 115 15 0
4066 Do you know what it feels like being a globe in a Chicago public school? 1.1154 0.03390 130 118 9 3
4067 I take no responsibility for the actions of those strangers who call me Mother Earth 1.1154 0.03017 130 116 13 1
4068 Hey buddy, what does it take to get some ice over here? 1.1154 0.03017 130 116 13 1
4069 For heavens sake, I said ON THE ROCKS! 1.1154 0.03432 104 93 10 1
4070 If you hug me, you can say you have the whole world in your hands. 1.1154 0.03390 130 118 9 3
4071 A priest and a rabbi walk into a bar... 1.1154 0.03694 104 94 8 2
4072 He just had me there, in his hands. 1.1154 0.03209 130 117 11 2
4073 Yes - I am here alone! Atlas and I need a break! 1.1151 0.03077 139 125 12 2
4074 Have you got and Aspirin? 1.1151 0.03077 139 125 12 2
4075 Give me another cold one, Joe. It's a scorcher out there. 1.1150 0.03500 113 102 9 2
4076 Why so down today? 1.1150 0.03719 113 103 7 3
4077 Not wasted yet! But I'm been gulping Chevrons and BPs all night! 1.1150 0.03500 113 102 9 2
4078 Now think about maintaining a 71% hydration level. 1.1150 0.03267 113 101 11 1
4079 The other planets say I've changed my weather. 1.1150 0.03267 113 101 11 1
4080 She says I'm not the man she fell in love with, I feel so deforested. 1.1149 0.02959 148 133 13 2
4081 Yeah, the hair is the first to go! 1.1148 0.03332 122 110 10 2
4082 Excuse me... I vave been waiting for someone to notice me for a very long time. I'll have something dry, cool,and wet please. 1.1148 0.03717 122 112 6 4
4083 A double bromo and an alka! 1.1148 0.03530 122 111 8 3
4084 Sorry, Monsignor. Worldly woes have finally turned me to drink. 1.1148 0.03530 122 111 8 3
4085 How do you expect me to manage the climate when I have one eye stuck in the ocean? 1.1148 0.03530 122 111 8 3
4086 Humans! I’m crawling with ‘em and can’t shake ‘em off! I’ve got dry skin and the shakes! Hit me with another! 1.1148 0.03332 122 110 10 2
4087 Earthquakes, floods, hurricanes, tornados--what's it take to get these people off my back? 1.1148 0.03530 122 111 8 3
4088 Not this kind of cider! Are you trying to ruin the atmosphere? 1.1148 0.03332 122 110 10 2
4089 Earth to bartender,Earth to bartender. Can I get another? 1.1148 0.03717 122 112 6 4
4090 Earth to bartender, I’m telling you my problems here. 1.1148 0.03123 122 109 12 1
4091 Joe, am I going through menopause? I’m lost!! Hot and cold and holes all over? What’s wrong with these so called friends of mine 1.1145 0.03365 131 119 9 3
4092 I get the chills, then I'm burning alive, man. I tell you . . . 1.1145 0.03186 131 118 11 2
4093 WHAT have you been serving lately??? 1.1145 0.03535 131 120 7 4
4094 I liked being Mr. Met much more. 1.1145 0.03697 131 121 5 5
4095 I'll never forget something a Shell Oil executive told me in the 80s: "Being hot isn't about looking good, it's about drawing out what's inside you and using it." 1.1145 0.03697 131 121 5 5
4096 Some days I just feel like I've been shrugged off! 1.1145 0.03186 131 118 11 2
4097 Sure, I've got the hydrogen and the nitrogen, but this place? There's real atmosphere. 1.1145 0.03186 131 118 11 2
4098 Make it a double. You won’t believe the millennia I’ve had! 1.1143 0.03902 105 96 6 3
4099 Yes, I'm parched and in five minutes I'll have a raging fever. 1.1143 0.02883 140 125 14 1
4100 I’m dying! Six of my nine boundaries have now been crossed . 1.1143 0.02699 140 124 16 0
4101 Can I get some ice? I just can’t cool down. 1.1143 0.03902 105 96 6 3
4102 I’m tired of this job, but I can’t find anyone to replace me. 1.1143 0.03220 140 127 10 3
4103 and then, there's that guy who thinks he has me on his shoulders 1.1141 0.03090 149 135 11 3
4104 I'd like a Grey Goose neat. 1.1140 0.03239 114 102 11 1
4105 So, it all started when my wife asked me if her skirt made her look flat. 1.1140 0.03688 114 104 7 3
4106 Do you hippies have anything not locally made? 1.1140 0.03688 114 104 7 3
4107 My human inhabitants don't understand me. 1.1140 0.03471 114 103 9 2
4108 This is definitely NOT enough water!!! 1.1140 0.03471 114 103 9 2
4109 It feels like I've got about 8 billion ants on me making me hot and itchy! 1.1140 0.03688 114 104 7 3
4110 Those drinks really hit the spot in my Atlantic Ocean! 1.1138 0.03098 123 110 12 1
4111 I was discussing my percentage of water the other day with my doctor...it seems to be creeping upward 1.1138 0.03098 123 110 12 1
4112 I'm not an alcoholic! These fires in California are making me thirsty, okay? 1.1138 0.03502 123 112 8 3
4113 I tell you, this climate change stuff is getting me down. 1.1138 0.03502 123 112 8 3
4114 You think I have a difficult time, my brother is always, I say always, mooning someone or something. 1.1138 0.03307 123 111 10 2
4115 And now I keep having constant hot flashes! 1.1138 0.02875 123 109 14 0
4116 I'm bi-Heluspherical, but curious. How's your New Zealand Cab? 1.1138 0.03502 123 112 8 3
4117 My moon just up and left me. I just don't feel like you understand the gravity of the situation. 1.1136 0.02974 132 118 13 1
4118 Are you kidding?….. You don’t see the eyes of the hurricanes? 1.1136 0.02974 132 118 13 1
4119 Why isn't God saving me? 1.1136 0.03340 132 120 9 3
4120 Diet beer, Morty. Diet beer. The world's gone downhill since they invented THAT... 1.1136 0.03163 132 119 11 2
4121 ...and then it was like hot lava shooting out of my a** 1.1136 0.03163 132 119 11 2
4122 Do I look like I need a watered down drink? 1.1136 0.03163 132 119 11 2
4123 Can I have another asteroid cocktail? I need a reset... 1.1136 0.03340 132 120 9 3
4124 Can you water it down, I prefer it that way! 1.1136 0.03340 132 120 9 3
4125 No matter how hard I try, I just don’t blend in. 1.1136 0.02974 132 118 13 1
4126 This drink is heating me up. 1.1136 0.03163 132 119 11 2
4127 I've got the weight of me on my shoulders... 1.1135 0.03035 141 127 12 2
4128 I'd like a water chaser please 1.1135 0.03035 141 127 12 2
4129 And after all that, she tells me I'm too warm. 1.1133 0.03213 150 137 9 4
4130 Excuse me sir, I asked for a cosmo not the Cosmos. 1.1130 0.03213 115 103 11 1
4131 I tell you...It's a lot. 1.1130 0.03213 115 103 11 1
4132 Then, they dumped their garbage in my backyard! 1.1130 0.02966 115 102 13 0
4133 It's too hot in here; the ice caps are melting! 1.1130 0.03213 115 103 11 1
4134 I'll have another year round the sun please 1.1130 0.03213 115 103 11 1
4135 It’s quarter till three there’s no one in the bar except you and me 1.1130 0.03657 115 105 7 3
4136 So, Mac, it's like a keep telling ya-- nobody listens to me. 1.1130 0.03213 115 103 11 1
4137 This is the end, World 1.1129 0.03281 124 112 10 2
4138 Clean your ears buddy -- I didn't say let's have a toast, I said we ARE toast! 1.1129 0.03281 124 112 10 2
4139 The funny thing is, I'll be fine. They're the ones I'm worried about. 1.1129 0.03659 124 114 6 4
4140 I've been feeling a bit wobbly lately! 1.1129 0.03281 124 112 10 2
4141 Oh, fuck! 1.1129 0.03281 124 112 10 2
4142 And no, a 7-up won't cool my continents! 1.1129 0.03834 124 115 4 5
4143 It's tough, you know? writing your own orbit-uary 1.1129 0.03475 124 113 8 3
4144 Cause I’m carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders 1.1129 0.03659 124 114 6 4
4145 Joe, I’m tellin’ ya, I’m throwin’ in the towel. 1.1129 0.03475 124 113 8 3
4146 Y'know that high ball I asked for? I'm finally here. 1.1128 0.03140 133 120 11 2
4147 I mean, sure we're attracted to each other, but she just disappears for a day or so at least once a month. 1.1128 0.02953 133 119 13 1
4148 The usual? Not for the next 26 million years. 1.1128 0.03140 133 120 11 2
4149 I feel the weight of being always on the move 1.1128 0.02953 133 119 13 1
4150 Is it just me, or is it getting kind of hot in here? 1.1128 0.02953 133 119 13 1
4151 Tell me - did I ask to be the hot topic? 1.1128 0.02753 133 118 15 0
4152 can i ask for more ice and less war please? 1.1128 0.02953 133 119 13 1
4153 Another round, please. I'm trying to get a brain freeze. 1.1128 0.03316 133 121 9 3
4154 Hey, pal, my weight is none of your business. 1.1127 0.03015 142 128 12 2
4155 Adios 1.1127 0.03015 142 128 12 2
4156 Two moons? You want two damned moons? Fuck you! 1.1127 0.02844 142 127 14 1
4157 It's just not the same without Pluto 1.1126 0.03051 151 137 11 3
4158 Make it a hurricane before I go insane. It's only half past twelve, but I don't care. It's five o'clock somewhere. 1.1126 0.03193 151 138 9 4
4159 I am going to need a lot more water than that. 1.1121 0.03594 107 97 8 2
4160 Sorry about the bald joke...with all this heat I'm getting a little salty. 1.1121 0.03186 116 104 11 1
4161 Doesn't seem to matter how close I get to the sun, they still keep producing that darn CO2. 1.1121 0.03413 116 105 9 2
4162 That’s about all the moonshine I can handle. 1.1121 0.03626 116 106 7 3
4163 Can I still get a Long Island Iced Tea or is that just saltwater on the rocks? 1.1121 0.03413 116 105 9 2
4164 And then Neptune said… 1.1121 0.03413 116 105 9 2
4165 Oh Migod the Pacific again! When 60 million square miles of urging water beckons you answer! What'll be Men's room or another Damn Dam Dammit? 1.1121 0.03626 116 106 7 3
4166 Hurricanes, earthquakes, floods. That’s all I ever hear about. 1.1121 0.03413 116 105 9 2
4167 Hey my ice is melted 1.1121 0.03626 116 106 7 3
4168 Droughts! They want water. I get steamed and melt my ice. They have more water. Now they want less water. Make up your mind! 1.1121 0.03626 116 106 7 3
4169 This is the hottest summer of my life. 1.1121 0.03828 116 107 5 4
4170 I tell you, Joe -- people just aren't very worldly these days. The young folks don't have a clue who I am. And just down the street, some old guy mistook me for Mikhail Gorbachev. 1.1120 0.03256 125 113 10 2
4171 Can you make my next one a double, I’m taking a lot of heat at work these days. 1.1120 0.03051 125 112 12 1
4172 So she says, I wouldn't go home with you if you were the last man on you. 1.1120 0.03448 125 114 8 3
4173 Sometimes I wonder if I had taken the Humpty Dumpty gig whether my life would have been less chaotic. 1.1120 0.03256 125 113 10 2
4174 Make that a double. I'm 71% water! 1.1120 0.03256 125 113 10 2
4175 Is it just the vodka, or is it warm in here? 1.1120 0.03051 125 112 12 1
4176 Could I get some ice? 1.1119 0.03293 134 122 9 3
4177 I'm really puzzled by the whole world now. 1.1119 0.02734 134 119 15 0
4178 Could I please have a non carbonated water? 1.1119 0.02932 134 120 13 1
4179 That's just it ... I can't get out of the kitchen. 1.1119 0.02734 134 119 15 0
4180 I need an ice cold beer. This global warming is getting to me. 1.1119 0.02932 134 120 13 1
4181 Turn up the AC! I’m burning up in here! 1.1119 0.02734 134 119 15 0
4182 Bad day? Let me tell you about the year I’ve had. 1.1119 0.03307 143 131 8 4
4183 Believe me, I'd rather fall off the wagon 1.1119 0.03155 143 130 10 3
4184 Help me out here. Do I have Weltschmerz or Schadenfreude? 1.1119 0.02995 143 129 12 2
4185 Just something to settle my Europe,please. 1.1119 0.02995 143 129 12 2
4186 What do you have to be to get another drink in this place, King of the World? 1.1111 0.03597 117 107 7 3
4187 What no ice? This is a joke right? 1.1111 0.03231 126 114 10 2
4188 Roz Chast has had it too. 1.1111 0.03028 126 113 12 1
4189 She said I was flat, and tried to flat-shame me. Any idiot can see that I'm round! 1.1111 0.03028 126 113 12 1
4190 Can you add some more ice on the top of my head? 1.1111 0.03563 108 98 8 2
4191 Sometimes I feel like so many people are trying to help me and care about my future, but other times I feel like everyone's given up on me. 1.1111 0.03796 117 108 5 4
4192 Excuse me sir, I'd prefer not to sit on the wall. 1.1111 0.03028 126 113 12 1
4193 Hello Earth! A This is heaven! HEEEeeelP!!!!! 1.1111 0.03597 117 107 7 3
4194 I've got the whole world in my head...and it's aching. 1.1111 0.03160 117 105 11 1
4195 Everyone says I'm hotter than ever... so how come Venus keeps her distance? 1.1111 0.03597 117 107 7 3
4196 Two ounces when I'm spinning, spinning, spinning, sweating, freezing, earthquakes, floods, hurricanes? I need the entire bottle, maybe two. 1.1111 0.03422 126 115 8 3
4197 I’ll have another, even though the administration and the world says things are great…I think I’ll drink to that anyway… 1.1111 0.02811 126 112 14 0
4198 Carbonated water... seriously? 1.1111 0.02918 117 104 13 0
4199 Check this out, I call this one the 'Tidal Wave!' 1.1111 0.03160 117 105 11 1
4200 I'm drinking till I'm round enough, and then they'll have to believe me! 1.1111 0.02911 135 121 13 1
4201 I'm too much with me! 1.1111 0.03231 126 114 10 2
4202 Have you heard this one? Mars, Venus and Pluto walk into a solar system ... 1.1111 0.03269 135 123 9 3
4203 I think I have too many toxic friends! They don’t stop spewing garbage! 1.1111 0.03231 126 114 10 2
4204 Please bartender if you knew what was going on inside me, you’d be drinking too. 1.1111 0.03603 126 116 6 4
4205 What do you mean, the air conditioner here can't go on because of an energy shortage? 1.1111 0.03095 135 122 11 2
4206 I feel like I'm spinning in circles, carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders. 1.1111 0.03269 135 123 9 3
4207 So these two fossil fuels walk into a bar... 1.1111 0.03231 126 114 10 2
4208 My doctor says I have lung cancer. 1.1111 0.03311 108 97 10 1
4209 I’m drinking, my friend, to the end… 1.1111 0.03597 117 107 7 3
4210 Bartender, I'm so parched. 1.1111 0.03285 144 132 8 4
4211 Don't you think the marketing campaign should have been, ‘I’d like to buy the world a rum and Coke?’” 1.1111 0.03385 117 106 9 2
4212 And Atlas's lawyers are suing me for his medical bills! 1.1111 0.03095 135 122 11 2
4213 *Self-centered, Atlas actually called me self-centered! " 1.1111 0.03269 135 123 9 3
4214 I know can’t solve the world’s problems! Make it a double and leave the bottle. 1.1111 0.03422 126 115 8 3
4215 Everyone asks about my mother, but what about me?! 1.1111 0.02975 144 130 12 2
4216 Sure, your place isn't all that it's cracked up to be, but I feel right at home here. 1.1111 0.03385 117 106 9 2
4217 So then she said she was tired of always being in my orbit and that she wanted to be with someone cooler. 1.1111 0.03385 117 106 9 2
4218 You don’t understand… She was my whole world! 1.1103 0.03074 136 123 11 2
4219 Buddy, I just can't get THAT song out of my head!" 1.1103 0.03246 136 124 9 3
4220 Sometimes it just feels all my weight is carried on my shoulders. 1.1103 0.03074 136 123 11 2
4221 I'll tell you Buddy, there's no way one shot of water is going to cool down this hot flash!" 1.1103 0.03074 136 123 11 2
4222 I miss the simple times when everyone thought I was flat. 1.1103 0.03566 136 126 5 5
4223 What planet do you think you’re living on? 1.1103 0.03246 136 124 9 3
4224 I’m confused, Harry…is my glass half full or half empty? 1.1103 0.02891 136 122 13 1
4225 Earth to bartender!...When you ignore me it makes it makes my temperature rise! 1.1103 0.02891 136 122 13 1
4226 So I was like, "Hello?,,,You need me! 1.1103 0.03410 136 125 7 4
4227 And then you guys came along. Sheesh! 1.1102 0.03207 127 115 10 2
4228 And then he said we should burn more beautiful clean coal. 1.1102 0.03396 127 116 8 3
4229 I’m overheated. Can I have some ice? 1.1102 0.03396 127 116 8 3
4230 Make it one for the pleasure of my people and one more for my time beyond 1.1102 0.03207 127 115 10 2
4231 Honest . . . to God, I was told I'd survive them/you lot too! 1.1102 0.02790 127 113 14 0
4232 You know where a planet like me can find a stray asteroid or two? I’m overdue for a cleanse. 1.1102 0.03006 127 114 12 1
4233 So you are gonna charge me for the water! 1.1102 0.02790 127 113 14 0
4234 I'm spinning out of control 1.1102 0.03006 127 114 12 1
4235 You got some cold lemonade? I'm burning up! 1.1102 0.02790 127 113 14 0
4236 Salt water is very dehydrating. 1.1102 0.03207 127 115 10 2
4237 I always thought if I kept spinning the twain would eventually meet…… 1.1102 0.03396 127 116 8 3
4238 Global, Schmobal! 1.1102 0.03006 127 114 12 1
4239 See you again in 365 days, 6 hours and 9 minutes! 1.1102 0.03006 127 114 12 1
4240 And I said "that's enough already" !! 1.1102 0.03396 127 116 8 3
4241 Don’t you think it’s time to tell your people that they have done a tremendous amount of harm to me and time to stop and undo some of the damage 1.1102 0.03006 127 114 12 1
4242 Sometimes I feel like the weight of the world is resting on my shoulders 1.1102 0.03358 118 107 9 2
4243 So I says to him, "Just a Coke? Have you seen the news lately. Better buy me a double scotch on the rocks, Pal! 1.1102 0.03135 118 106 11 1
4244 I swear, I’m the one that sat on that wall 1.1102 0.03358 118 107 9 2
4245 Yes, I know I look like I got the weight of the world on my shoulders...because I DO!!" Maureen W Philadelphia, P 1.1102 0.02895 118 105 13 0
4246 This ice is melting so fast! 1.1102 0.03135 118 106 11 1
4247 I can’t take this heat anymore. 1.1102 0.03358 118 107 9 2
4248 Not so good - I think I have a fever. 1.1102 0.03135 118 106 11 1
4249 Hey, I know I'm hot. But I can't find a man who is interested in a long term, loving relationship with me. 1.1102 0.03567 118 108 7 3
4250 One for the road.....I mean galaxy. 1.1102 0.03135 118 106 11 1
4251 I paid $16.00 for one drink, and now I feel like I'm spinning. 1.1101 0.03531 109 99 8 2
4252 All this carbonation is making me sweat. 1.1101 0.03983 109 101 4 4
4253 -"Are you okay?" -"Relax..I can keep going" 1.1095 0.03052 137 124 11 2
4254 Can't I get at least one free drink on Earth Day? 1.1094 0.03183 128 116 10 2
4255 I'm going to be just fine. But y'all have to get your act together for a similar outcome. You get that, right? 1.1094 0.03183 128 116 10 2
4256 Gimme a cool me down cocktail. 1.1094 0.02983 128 115 12 1
4257 Got to have ice in all my drinks these days”. 1.1094 0.03183 128 116 10 2
4258 Too much complaining from different areas! I'm starting to suffer from IN continents. 1.1094 0.03371 128 117 8 3
4259 You might think otherwise, but it's never my turn. 1.1094 0.03371 128 117 8 3
4260 I need to find a more welcoming galaxy 1.1094 0.03371 128 117 8 3
4261 Could you please turn the heat down? 1.1094 0.02983 128 115 12 1
4262 I asked for a full proof solution. All I got was melted ice. 1.1094 0.03371 128 117 8 3
4263 I don't get no respect! 1.1092 0.03331 119 108 9 2
4264 The desk clerk says it happens every day! 1.1092 0.03538 119 109 7 3
4265 How Many Days Would it take to Sail around the World ? 1.1092 0.03331 119 108 9 2
4266 Rocks. On the rocks. I want that ice in there! 1.1092 0.03331 119 108 9 2
4267 You better bring me the bottle ...I just don't think anyone really gets how dire my situation really is. 1.1092 0.03331 119 108 9 2
4268 Is it hot in here, or is it just gradually me? 1.1092 0.03538 119 109 7 3
4269 Help! I think I swallowed England! 'Can't you trump it out?' No sir, let's try the heimlich. 1.1092 0.03538 119 109 7 3
4270 Venus broke up with me because our romance was getting too hot. 1.1092 0.03331 119 108 9 2
4271 Hate to be the one break it to you, but do I look like your oyster? 1.1092 0.03538 119 109 7 3
4272 People say I'm getting more extreme. What do they expect? I'm under a lot of stress and I'm bipolar. 1.1092 0.03734 119 110 5 4
4273 No matter how much ice you put in my drinks, I still feel warmer… 1.1092 0.03331 119 108 9 2
4274 But why pick on me? It’s not like I’m the only planet around. 1.1091 0.03253 110 99 10 1
4275 I need a little something to cool me off. 1.1091 0.03500 110 100 8 2
4276 See how Red I'm becoming! 1.1089 0.03697 101 92 7 2
4277 Can you get them to stop saying "This round's on me."? 1.1088 0.02917 147 133 12 2
4278 Go light on the tobasco this round: you almost melted my icecaps! 1.1087 0.03201 138 126 9 3
4279 I've tried every cleanse in the book. You got anything stronger? 1.1087 0.03031 138 125 11 2
4280 Last call?! Uh, yeah! Hello?! You have a chaser to go with that shot of tragic irony that I don't recall ordering, wise guy? Let me just leave you a well-deserved tip of poetic justice and zero sense. 1.1087 0.02659 138 123 15 0
4281 C’mon, Glenn, I’m perfectly fine! It’s just that everyone *else* is tilted over 23.5 degrees… 1.1087 0.02851 138 124 13 1
4282 What's your biggest regret? 1.1085 0.03345 129 118 8 3
4283 It’s the same old thing, day in and day out. 1.1085 0.03159 129 117 10 2
4284 Hey, d'ya think that just one drink will calm me down? 1.1085 0.03159 129 117 10 2
4285 I swear, they must hate me. 1.1085 0.03159 129 117 10 2
4286 Uber's bringing me a handbasket... 1.1085 0.03345 129 118 8 3
4287 My wife is cheating on me with Mars. 1.1085 0.02961 129 116 12 1
4288 The world is my oyster, they said. 1.1085 0.03159 129 117 10 2
4289 Can I place my order? A Planet B, please. 1.1085 0.03159 129 117 10 2
4290 Maybe COVID. Everything’s spinning and I’m burning up. 1.1085 0.03159 129 117 10 2
4291 I keep saying this is about me, not you. 1.1083 0.03704 120 111 5 4
4292 Talking about global warming does nothing for my ozone layer. 1.1083 0.03704 120 111 5 4
4293 Problems…problems..problems 1.1083 0.03304 120 109 9 2
4294 Father how long has it been since your last confession? 1.1083 0.03085 120 108 11 1
4295 Just because my surface is more than 70 percent water doesn’t mean my drink has to be. 1.1083 0.03304 120 109 9 2
4296 Being round is a lot more stressful than being flat. 1.1083 0.03304 120 109 9 2
4297 They don't get it. They can't kill me they can only kill life. 1.1083 0.03510 120 110 7 3
4298 I don't know; I used to have more friends. 1.1083 0.03888 120 112 3 5
4299 Can I get more ice, please? 1.1083 0.03085 120 108 11 1
4300 I'm telling you, Sam, I just don't know what this world is coming to. 1.1083 0.03304 120 109 9 2
4301 I just got the word from on high, she’s fed up and ready to start over again; find yourself a boat or learn to snorkel for forty days. 1.1083 0.03510 120 110 7 3
4302 Maybe one more for the road, but I think I might be getting a little floody over here. 1.1083 0.03304 120 109 9 2
4303 My Anthropocene is just killing me! 1.1083 0.03085 120 108 11 1
4304 Help me Father, I’m dying! 1.1083 0.02849 120 107 13 0
4305 Bartender! One more for the universe. 1.1083 0.03304 120 109 9 2
4306 Is it me or is it starting to get really hot in here? 1.1081 0.03470 111 101 8 2
4307 You really expect me to weather this drink?! 1.1081 0.03470 111 101 8 2
4308 You are the first person to actually see a gravitional wave. 1.1081 0.02898 148 134 12 2
4309 Do you have any dry and earthy red “whine” specials? 1.1081 0.03470 111 101 8 2
4310 AND Venus tells me that Mars went through this whole climate crisis business 2 million years ago! Can you imagine? She says it was habitable, even beautiful, a resort for interplanetary travelers. BUT THEY HAD REPUBLICANS TOO!! 1.1081 0.03699 111 102 6 3
4311 Children! They don’t take care of what we give them! 1.1079 0.02641 139 124 15 0
4312 Just needed to vent--nothing earth shaking! 1.1079 0.03179 139 127 9 3
4313 Can't ya see my hand is up fifteen minutes ago? 1.1077 0.03136 130 118 10 2
4314 Make the next one a double. The heat outside is killing me. 1.1077 0.03136 130 118 10 2
4315 Is absinthe low carb? 1.1077 0.03136 130 118 10 2
4316 Father ,forgive me I have sinned 1.1077 0.02940 130 117 12 1
4317 Sigh! And how am I supposed to move to another planet? 1.1077 0.03136 130 118 10 2
4318 And to think she told me I was FLAT! 1.1077 0.02729 130 116 14 0
4319 I asked for rocks, no salt. 1.1077 0.03136 130 118 10 2
4320 And then she left me. 1.1077 0.02940 130 117 12 1
4321 Let me tell you about my pogroms. 1.1077 0.03321 130 119 8 3
4322 Make it a double. I hate it when I feel like I'm spinning outta control. 1.1074 0.03674 121 112 5 4
4323 "How about joining me for a cold one? I it is lonely around here, you know.ou know." 1.1074 0.03061 121 109 11 1
4324 Scotch, neat. We’re running low on ice. 1.1074 0.03278 121 110 9 2
4325 Did I ever tell you the story of Y2K? 1.1074 0.03278 121 110 9 2
4326 I’ll have a shot of world peace! 1.1074 0.03061 121 109 11 1
4327 I’ve got a world of problems! 1.1074 0.03278 121 110 9 2
4328 Yes. A stiff barrel !!!. I’m beyond fill er up!! 1.1074 0.03278 121 110 9 2
4329 Everyone around me either runs too hot or too cold 1.1074 0.03278 121 110 9 2
4330 And now they claim they didn't do it. 1.1074 0.03061 121 109 11 1
4331 What am I to do? Every specialist, every complaint, they tell me it's just gas. 1.1074 0.03061 121 109 11 1
4332 Where in the World am I? I ask! 1.1074 0.03278 121 110 9 2
4333 Make it a double; the election season is beginning early. 1.1071 0.03667 112 103 6 3
4334 Left me for her personal trainer, Atlas. Said she wanted someone who wasn't crying all the time. Said she didn't believe I have a 'condition.' 1.1071 0.03440 112 102 8 2
4335 Record-breaking temperatures, floods, you name it! My world is on the brink of collapse! 1.1071 0.03316 140 129 7 4
4336 You don't know what it's like out there! 1.1071 0.02812 140 126 13 1
4337 I'm out with this little sexpot last week. Leather everything. Pack of marbs peekin' outta her purse. She says, "you're the guy on the cover of that Vampire Weekend album." You have any idea how much I hate that album? Ezra Koenig, that smug fuck. 1.1069 0.03296 131 120 8 3
4338 'No more mudslides - my head's already spinning!' 1.1069 0.02710 131 117 14 0
4339 I’ll take another round the sun 1.1069 0.03113 131 119 10 2
4340 Hold the water chaser! 1.1069 0.03113 131 119 10 2
4341 Something to calm my nerves 1.1069 0.03113 131 119 10 2
4342 What dya mean I'm not gettin' my keys back? 1.1069 0.03635 131 122 4 5
4343 I’m gonna step out for some fresh air. 1.1067 0.03013 150 137 10 3
4344 Can I get some ice? Mine seems to be melting at a very alarming pace. 1.1067 0.03013 150 137 10 3
4345 After everything I've done for them!!! 1.1066 0.03037 122 110 11 1
4346 I've got problems. Leave the bottle. 1.1066 0.03645 122 113 5 4
4347 I'll have another double wobble! 1.1066 0.03252 122 111 9 2
4348 He had the whole world in his hands and then just... crushed me. 1.1066 0.03037 122 110 11 1
4349 Half baked!" he calls me." Then I says, "You want a piece of me?" 1.1066 0.03037 122 110 11 1
4350 Globalzation? Internationalism? Transnationalism? It's too complex! 1.1066 0.03454 122 112 7 3
4351 Revolving around the sun all day’s not what it used to be Barney. I’m starting to want a bit a nightlife you know. 1.1066 0.03252 122 111 9 2
4352 Even I'm beginning to question my existence. 1.1066 0.03645 122 113 5 4
4353 Another freshwater, please. Mine keeps getting stolen. 1.1064 0.02969 141 128 11 2
4354 It’s Self-Medicating 1.1062 0.02747 160 145 13 2
4355 No one ever believes me when I tell them I got a monster fever. 1.1062 0.03411 113 103 8 2
4356 Let me sum up my problem with a nursery rhyme; All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put the earth back together again. 1.1062 0.03411 113 103 8 2
4357 I'm boiling! More oil! 1.1062 0.03411 113 103 8 2
4358 Did you see the moon, last week? It wasn't there!!" 1.1062 0.03171 113 102 10 1
4359 Anything with ice, and keep them coming! 1.1062 0.03171 113 102 10 1
4360 ...and He says, 'warming, schmarming, man has free will.' 1.1062 0.03411 113 103 8 2
4361 Is the room spinning? 1.1062 0.03171 113 102 10 1
4362 "Looks like I might be joining Pluto. They indicted him and I just KNOW he's talking." 1.1062 0.03847 113 105 4 4
4363 I’m really not that small. 1.1061 0.02690 132 118 14 0
4364 Can I have one of those really big ice cubes? 1.1061 0.02897 132 119 12 1
4365 Don't ask me for a tip... I voted green. 1.1061 0.03090 132 120 10 2
4366 And then they discovered fossil fuels! 1.1061 0.02897 132 119 12 1
4367 What’s the point? 1.1061 0.02581 132 120 11 1
4368 Thanks to Global Warming I am so thirsty I desperately need a drink. 1.1061 0.03090 132 120 10 2
4369 How the hell can all the problems in the world be on my shoulders if I don't have any? 1.1058 0.03594 104 95 7 2
4370 It's not just the climate that's changing. 1.1057 0.03427 123 113 7 3
4371 How can you serve me when you are on me? 1.1057 0.03427 123 113 7 3
4372 You won't believe the day(s) I had! 1.1057 0.03013 123 111 11 1
4373 And I can’t even carry the weight, I have no shoulders! 1.1057 0.03013 123 111 11 1
4374 Then Elon got angry and challenged me to a duel !! 1.1057 0.03013 123 111 11 1
4375 I keep going in circles and never getting anywhere. 1.1057 0.03427 123 113 7 3
4376 I tell ya, I don't get no respect. No respect at all. 1.1056 0.02589 142 127 15 0
4377 I tell ya, I don't get no respect !!!!!!!!! 1.1056 0.02589 142 127 15 0
4378 The Sun dumped me last winter. Said I was getting too distant. 1.1053 0.02877 133 120 12 1
4379 don't count on me. 1.1053 0.02877 133 120 12 1
4380 I’ve been around and hope is needed everywhere.” 1.1053 0.03382 114 104 8 2
4381 What in the world are you saying? 1.1053 0.02877 133 120 12 1
4382 Did you ever feel like you had the weight of the world on your shoulders? 1.1053 0.03382 114 104 8 2
4383 It's flat. 1.1053 0.02877 133 120 12 1
4384 Can I get some bread? 1.1053 0.03144 114 103 10 1
4385 Wish you were here. 1.1053 0.03144 114 103 10 1
4386 She thinks I’m dull compared to sunshine and moonlight.” 1.1053 0.03144 114 103 10 1
4387 Not much, what about you? 1.1053 0.03068 133 121 10 2
4388 My wife's a pain in the ass. She's always busting my friggin' agates, my daughter's married to a jadrool loser bastard, and I got a rash so bad on my ass, I can't even sit down. But you know me. I can't complain. 1.1053 0.03419 133 123 6 4
4389 It's like the weight of the world is on my shoulders! 1.1053 0.03144 114 103 10 1
4390 Wow, this drink is out of this world! 1.1053 0.03068 133 121 10 2
4391 Set ‘em up Joe, I got a world a’ troubles. 1.1053 0.03248 133 122 8 3
4392 And then they say, *hick* they say, they want to leave me for more resources! 1.1048 0.02990 124 112 11 1
4393 I’m gonna need another boilermaker!” 1.1048 0.03202 124 113 9 2
4394 Can I have a double? 1.1048 0.02990 124 112 11 1
4395 I go rounds after rounds, round and round, and yet manage to fly the same path every, damn, year! 1.1048 0.02990 124 112 11 1
4396 'You folks resemble those human beings on my planet. Just hope you are a lot smarter! " 1.1048 0.03202 124 113 9 2
4397 This drink is 71% water. 1.1048 0.02990 124 112 11 1
4398 Who turned the heat up in here? 1.1048 0.02990 124 112 11 1
4399 “What does a planet have to do to get some respect these days? Pluto has FIVE known moons, and you see what good that has done it.” 1.1048 0.03561 105 96 7 2
4400 It's a first-world problem. 1.1045 0.03046 134 122 10 2
4401 The earth: I lost the green like you lost the hair. 1.1045 0.03225 134 123 8 3
4402 No, the thing is, Joe, I can't tell if I'm parched or if I'm drowning! 1.1045 0.02652 134 120 14 0
4403 As far as I'm concerned, you can ALL go to the moon. 1.1045 0.03046 134 122 10 2
4404 One more of those and you'll really be spinning. 1.1045 0.03225 134 123 8 3
4405 And get this,I had to listen to somebody going on the other day saying, ‘it feels like I’ve got the weight of the world on my shoulders’. 1.1045 0.03225 134 123 8 3
4406 ...the end is near." 1.1045 0.02856 134 121 12 1
4407 The atmosphere here just isn't what it used to be. 1.1045 0.03046 134 122 10 2
4408 Father, hit me with another shot of Communion Wine, I hear it solves all problems, I hope God know I have enough of them! 1.1043 0.03574 115 106 6 3
4409 Is this REALLY the last call? 1.1043 0.03118 115 104 10 1
4410 I feel like I need to pee every five minutes. 1.1043 0.03118 115 104 10 1
4411 1-More water, please. Also, I need it with ice, it's getting hot in here. 1.1043 0.03118 115 104 10 1
4412 Don’t let the door hit you in the butt on your way out. 1.1043 0.03574 115 106 6 3
4413 ...and now she's dating Mars because he doesn't wet the bed! 1.1043 0.03118 115 104 10 1
4414 Forget about changing the orbital path. It's too complicated. 1.1042 0.02738 144 130 13 1
4415 Make it a double with a side of Sunscreen 1.1042 0.03072 144 132 9 3
4416 It's like I'm carrying the whole between my arms. 1.1040 0.03374 125 115 7 3
4417 Son, I have to tell you something... 1.1040 0.03374 125 115 7 3
4418 Hey, this drink is 71 percent water! 1.1040 0.02967 125 113 11 1
4419 Ugh, I've been feeling terrible. I've been running a fever, there's an earthquake in my head, and I have a hurricane in my stomach. I'm in a world of pain, but it's nothing a stiff drink can't cure! 1.1040 0.03177 125 114 9 2
4420 Listen, dude, I'm not saying my ass is giant but I'm not freakin' flat! 1.1040 0.02967 125 113 11 1
4421 My Ukraine is sore ! 1.1040 0.03177 125 114 9 2
4422 I’ve hot nowhere to go. 1.1040 0.02967 125 113 11 1
4423 I am seventy percent water. So straight up next time. 1.1040 0.02967 125 113 11 1
4424 It's just not my day. 1.1040 0.03177 125 114 9 2
4425 It’s been a tough week, but….I really do appreciate the fact you're sittin' here Your voice sounds so wonderful But yer face don't look too clear 1.1038 0.03264 106 96 9 1
4426 What can you get me beside climate change? 1.1038 0.03264 106 96 9 1
4427 I didn't order a hot toddy! I'm already warming up too much as it is! 1.1037 0.03025 135 123 10 2
4428 What do mean my tab is almost full? 1.1037 0.03025 135 123 10 2
4429 I got the cure for Global warming gimme an ice cold beer. 1.1037 0.03025 135 123 10 2
4430 I really need someone to listen to me. 1.1037 0.03025 135 123 10 2
4431 ...and that's not the worst of my problems - even though I'm getting hotter every day, I caught my wife, Venus, with Mars again. 1.1037 0.03202 135 124 8 3
4432 Close the bar I want to go home. 1.1037 0.02836 135 122 12 1
4433 Im running out of ice over here. 1.1037 0.03025 135 123 10 2
4434 I'm telling you, no one understands me. 1.1037 0.03025 135 123 10 2
4435 Everyone wants to change the world. 1.1037 0.02836 135 122 12 1
4436 Help, Help!! I am poisoned. 1.1037 0.02836 135 122 12 1
4437 Play to win. 1.1037 0.03025 135 123 10 2
4438 Marxaholism is going to be the death of me. 1.1034 0.03326 116 106 8 2
4439 Tough week? Let me tell you. I wake up, can't see a thing. Next day light everywhere. Next day things flying all over and something wiggling in the water. Then huge creatures chasing each other. I really need a day of rest! 1.1034 0.03093 116 105 10 1
4440 Would you like to see my impression of Jeremy Irons doing his impression of Claus von Bülow doing his impression of Queen Victoria? 1.1034 0.03326 116 106 8 2
4441 I mean, what's it take to get a little ice around here? 1.1034 0.03326 116 106 8 2
4442 I’ll follow that Manhattan with a London Fog, a Parisian, a Moscow Mule. And an Osaka Dry. 1.1034 0.03326 116 106 8 2
4443 Am I polluted? Am I polluted? Alright, Max, you get to keep your double entendre gold medal for another year. 1.1034 0.03544 116 107 6 3
4444 Ask the Lord why is HE so angry? 1.1034 0.03750 116 108 4 4
4445 Listen to me, things are going to get bad. -Alicia Chinatomby, Los Angeles, CA 1.1034 0.03326 116 106 8 2
4446 You think you've got problems? I feel like I carry the weight of the world around all day! 1.1032 0.02945 126 114 11 1
4447 I know it was last call, but Atlas should be back before closing time. 1.1032 0.02945 126 114 11 1
4448 I think I'm having a nervous breakdown!!! 1.1032 0.02945 126 114 11 1
4449 I need a double--my problems are big. 1.1032 0.02945 126 114 11 1
4450 It's feeling a little warm in here. Could you turn up the AC? 1.1032 0.03153 126 115 9 2
4451 I can put you together again 1.1032 0.02945 126 114 11 1
4452 Exhausted due to global warming, I need a drink to cool off. 1.1032 0.03153 126 115 9 2
4453 Well, for 76 years I was the ninth planet... 1.1032 0.03153 126 115 9 2
4454 Another double. I feel an earthquake coming on. 1.1032 0.03348 126 116 7 3
4455 Hard choice, do I die in glacial waters or with vodka? 1.1032 0.02945 126 114 11 1
4456 ...so then I tried to tell them 'it's getting hot in here,' but that just made them party harder! 1.1032 0.03348 126 116 7 3
4457 Shoulders? They slowly disappeared under all the weight. 1.1032 0.03153 126 115 9 2
4458 Got a thermometer? 1.1029 0.02816 136 123 12 1
4459 I haven’t changed, have I? 1.1029 0.03179 136 125 8 3
4460 There's not enough alcohol on...., well me, to make me forget what people are doing to me everyday. 1.1029 0.03003 136 124 10 2
4461 I'll need another fifteen sextillion shots of distilled water for my fish. 1.1029 0.02816 136 123 12 1
4462 Can you make the next one a bit stronger? I'm 75% water? 1.1028 0.02950 107 96 11 0
4463 The Earth goes around the Sun. 1.1028 0.03497 107 98 7 2
4464 Could you turn down the heat please? 1.1026 0.03067 117 106 10 1
4465 Where in the world can I get a decent cocktail. 1.1026 0.03299 117 107 8 2
4466 As I get older, my health isn’t what it used to be 1.1026 0.02817 117 105 12 0
4467 It's THEM that don't want you to know I'm flat 1.1026 0.03299 117 107 8 2
4468 Close my tab, any more and I’ll be spinning off my axis! 1.1026 0.03719 117 109 4 4
4469 No matter what I do, the universe still gives me hell! 1.1026 0.02902 156 143 10 3
4470 I gotta go, the room is starting to stop spinning. 1.1024 0.02923 127 115 11 1
4471 Five more years of this and then I’m retiring. 1.1024 0.02923 127 115 11 1
4472 Ya know, I just need a break. I feel so dizzy. 1.1024 0.03129 127 116 9 2
4473 …and to top it all off, I think I’m getting a fever. 1.1024 0.02923 127 115 11 1
4474 ‘I don’t appreciate a watered down drink. I’m already 70% water.’ Mira Dragisic Elmhurst, Illinois 1.1024 0.02700 127 114 13 0
4475 Imagine how it feels to constantly have eight thousand cameras pointed at you. 1.1024 0.02923 127 115 11 1
4476 So then I tore down that wall! 1.1022 0.02982 137 125 10 2
4477 Water I have, something stronger please? 1.1022 0.02796 137 124 12 1
4478 She keeps following me 'round and 'round. 1.1020 0.02685 147 133 13 1
4479 Whaddya mean, no more on the rocks? 1.1019 0.03707 108 100 5 3
4480 And then I said 'Get my string off your finger right now!' 1.1019 0.03206 108 98 9 1
4481 Have I got troubles." 1.1019 0.03466 108 99 7 2
4482 What do you mean i’m shut off? 1.1019 0.03466 108 99 7 2
4483 I'll have a glass of your finest greenwashed label. 1.1017 0.03042 118 107 10 1
4484 Have I got a sob story to tell you! 1.1017 0.03272 118 108 8 2
4485 I'm in distress. I need Sex on the Beach! 1.1017 0.03272 118 108 8 2
4486 Venus said to me, 'Boy, are you hot!' 1.1017 0.03486 118 109 6 3
4487 And then they asked for me to be well-done! 1.1017 0.02794 118 106 12 0
4488 …but the doc says if I can get rid of ‘em, it should take care of the fever. 1.1017 0.03042 118 107 10 1
4489 All of the problems I have just keep my head spinning around! 1.1017 0.03486 118 109 6 3
4490 And then they started spinning me around. 1.1016 0.03298 128 118 7 3
4491 This climate change mumbo-jumbo has really given me IBS 1.1016 0.03106 128 117 9 2
4492 However many more it will take. 1.1016 0.03298 128 118 7 3
4493 A single? Do you know how many shoulders I’ve been on today? 1.1016 0.02901 128 116 11 1
4494 With all this Global tension, why in the World would you eliminate Happy Hour? 1.1014 0.02777 138 125 12 1
4495 I always drink a toast for world peace 1.1014 0.03135 138 127 8 3
4496 Please....no cream cheese on the bagel! 1.1009 0.03178 109 99 9 1
4497 I’m dying of thirst over here 1.1009 0.03435 109 100 7 2
4498 If I hadn't gone public with all my shares of water 4 billion years ago, I'd be a multi-billionaire today. 1.1008 0.03245 119 109 8 2
4499 I'm not the aggressor here... I'm the victim. 1.1008 0.03018 119 108 10 1
4500 Bar Keep... Hit me with another. I got big problems. 1.1008 0.03458 119 110 6 3
4501 Get me a screwdriver. I need to fix a few things. 1.1008 0.03245 119 109 8 2
4502 Believe me, Atlas doesn’t do ALL the worrying. 1.1008 0.03018 119 108 10 1
4503 So I told her, you really brighten my days. 1.1008 0.03245 119 109 8 2
4504 Gimme some ozone, and don't be stingy. 1.1008 0.03083 129 118 9 2
4505 You don’t need to worry about my troubles, nobody ever does. 1.1008 0.02661 129 116 13 0
4506 I’ll take another Angry Mother, on the rocks. And make it a double this time. 1.1008 0.03453 129 120 5 4
4507 Make my next round a double, please. 1.1008 0.03083 129 118 9 2
4508 ...and the icecaps, rainforests, the plastics... I just want them to see me for what's on the inside again. 1.1007 0.03276 139 129 6 4
4509 They think I revolve around them 1.1007 0.02941 139 127 10 2
4510 What do mean it's closing time! 1.1000 0.03430 120 111 6 3
4511 Better make it a double, I’m in deep trouble! 1.1000 0.03060 130 119 9 2
4512 Can you believe it? My mother just told me that I'm going to hell in a breadbasket. 1.1000 0.03060 130 119 9 2
4513 You haven't by any chance seen an underage Moon in here, have you? 1.1000 0.02921 140 128 10 2
4514 So much for this guy being a well rounded individual" 1.1000 0.03430 120 111 6 3
4515 You’re so right! With Judy being a Flat-earther, our relationship was doomed from the start. 1.1000 0.03060 130 119 9 2
4516 I can't stand this heatwave. 1.1000 0.02858 130 118 11 1
4517 So there I am, orbiting and rotating, like every other day of my life for the last 4.5 billion years, and Venus has the balls to tell me my axial wobble is harshing her mellow. 1.1000 0.02858 130 118 11 1
4518 New ice, please. And make it's snappy!! 1.1000 0.02641 130 117 13 0
4519 So I said "sun, darling, why does everything always has to revolve around you!" 1.1000 0.03427 130 121 5 4
4520 Francis, good to Si you! 1.1000 0.03150 110 100 9 1
4521 I'll take a blue glacier cocktail, please! 1.1000 0.02858 130 118 11 1
4522 What a relief! I was diagnosed with Humans today. They said I could shake them in a century, maybe two. No meds; my immune system will wipe them out with a bit of heat, fire, and seawater. No big deal,another freshwater, please, and leave the bottle. 1.1000 0.03624 100 92 6 2
4523 Hey, you got any damp-rid?? 1.1000 0.02641 130 117 13 0
4524 Please! No more Fireball! 1.1000 0.03427 130 121 5 4
4525 I think this could be the year for the Titans. 1.1000 0.03430 120 111 6 3
4526 Another wine cooler might just help save the polar ice cap. 1.1000 0.02921 140 128 10 2
4527 I said, it's hot! Where's my ice? 1.1000 0.03150 110 100 9 1
4528 So, my wife tells me that I’m not worldly enough! 1.1000 0.02994 120 109 10 1
4529 Another drink would make THIS world go 1.1000 0.02750 120 108 12 0
4530 No whiskey. I'm too hot. Just bive me an ive cold beer! 1.1000 0.03060 130 119 9 2
4531 Although I offer them the world, the ladies are still not interested. 1.1000 0.03060 130 119 9 2
4532 You think you have problems? Let me tell you that they pale in comparison to mine. 1.1000 0.03219 120 110 8 2
4533 'Mars' this and 'Mars' that. Just leave already! 1.1000 0.02739 140 127 12 1
4534 I know I've had enough, but if I stop drinking, I'll stop spinning, and then we'll have real problems. 1.1000 0.03219 120 110 8 2
4535 I'm heading toward a dry January. 1.1000 0.03628 120 112 4 4
4536 Oy! If only you knew my troubles. 1.0992 0.02622 131 118 13 0
4537 Dad the voices are trying to wake the dinosaurs again. 1.0992 0.03037 131 120 9 2
4538 And I say to myself, what a wonderful world." Well, not really 1.0992 0.03037 131 120 9 2
4539 It's been rough. Continuous fever and drenching sweat. 1.0992 0.02837 131 119 11 1
4540 I feel I am going all out to sea 1.0992 0.02837 131 119 11 1
4541 I have a lot of troubles. 1.0992 0.02837 131 119 11 1
4542 I swear. It's not my fault your hot tub is cooler than the Atlantic! 1.0992 0.03225 131 121 7 3
4543 Then everything starts spinning and I wake up all wet. 1.0992 0.03037 131 120 9 2
4544 And then I went blind for 160 million years until Pangea finally broke up. 1.0992 0.03225 131 121 7 3
4545 So long, it’s been good to know you. 1.0992 0.03194 121 111 8 2
4546 if its not one thing its another, fill it to the top 1.0992 0.03194 121 111 8 2
4547 No one understands the weight on my shoulders. 1.0992 0.03194 121 111 8 2
4548 I tell ya I’m tired of holding up my end of the bargain… 1.0992 0.02729 121 109 12 0
4549 I don't think whiskey is helping my hot flashes 1.0992 0.03403 121 112 6 3
4550 Problems! I got Problems, how would you like Mt.Kilauea erupting out of your butt? 1.0992 0.03403 121 112 6 3
4551 Give me a double. I'm trying to forget what they have done to the planet 1.0992 0.03194 121 111 8 2
4552 Globe's Last Call: Bottoms Up, World!" 1.0992 0.03403 121 112 6 3
4553 What worldly drink do you have? 1.0992 0.02729 121 109 12 0
4554 No other planet wants to date someone with pets! 1.0991 0.03375 111 102 7 2
4555 Can I get ice in this please, I seem to be running a fever. 1.0991 0.03375 111 102 7 2
4556 What do I gotta do to get those idiots to listen? 1.0991 0.03123 111 101 9 1
4557 And then the Taliban’s “PR department” said planting trees wasn't masculine enough 1.0991 0.03375 111 102 7 2
4558 I’m way too hot! But everybody acts like they’re deaf when I tell them they gotta help me cool off. 1.0990 0.02987 101 91 10 0
4559 How would you feel if man's greatest achievement was to leave you? 1.0990 0.03302 101 92 8 1
4560 I'm going to hell. 1.0985 0.03201 132 122 7 3
4561 A little bicarbonate? Everything's burning. 1.0985 0.03201 132 122 7 3
4562 C'mon, man. I need something much stronger. I'm carrying the world on my shoulders. 1.0985 0.02817 132 120 11 1
4563 One more for the road. We need more roads 1.0985 0.03201 132 122 7 3
4564 I'm trying pasteurization for the 2 legged parasites 1.0985 0.03015 132 121 9 2
4565 And that's how it all went down. 1.0985 0.03015 132 121 9 2
4566 Whiskey - on the rocks, makes me nostalgic. 1.0985 0.03015 132 121 9 2
4567 Is the A/C not on? 1.0984 0.03375 122 113 6 3
4568 No more for me Jerry, I'm getting the 'quakes! 1.0984 0.02947 122 111 10 1
4569 I think I need an enema to crap out all the plastic debris in my system. 1.0984 0.02947 122 111 10 1
4570 Of course I look like I have a fever! 1.0984 0.02947 122 111 10 1
4571 I'm starting to contemplate that I am not the only planet in the universe with intelligent life. 1.0984 0.03168 122 112 8 2
4572 I lost my ID, but you can measure my carbon. 1.0984 0.02947 122 111 10 1
4573 I can't drink this water--it's horrible... 1.0984 0.03375 122 113 6 3
4574 Can I get some pi to go? 1.0984 0.03168 122 112 8 2
4575 I said "ON THE ROCKS!" forPete's sake... 1.0984 0.02947 122 111 10 1
4576 And now they're saying that global warming is my fault! 1.0984 0.02947 122 111 10 1
4577 Things aren't so bad. I can count the number of my mass extinctions on one hand. 1.0982 0.03578 112 104 5 3
4578 My niño’s running a temp again! 1.0982 0.03346 112 103 7 2
4579 I’m done! I don’t get no respect anymore. 1.0982 0.03096 112 102 9 1
4580 Hey bartender, tell me, how can I stop these spins? 1.0982 0.03578 112 104 5 3
4581 Double shot of sunscreen, extra ice 1.0980 0.04065 102 96 2 4
4582 Make mine a double! 1.0979 0.02862 143 131 10 2
4583 They heat me up, they beat me up, you'd think they'd give me a lousy glass of water. 1.0979 0.02494 143 129 14 0
4584 You can't possibly think that one is enough! 1.0979 0.02862 143 131 10 2
4585 I need something strong and on the rocks that won't dissolve my polar ice caps! 1.0979 0.02684 143 130 12 1
4586 I have a world of problems going on, Mac! But the doctors keep saying it's tinnitus?! 1.0979 0.03029 143 132 8 3
4587 Can you believe that they said that I was full of hot air? 1.0977 0.02796 133 121 11 1
4588 Only half a glass? Don't you believe in global warming? 1.0977 0.02585 133 120 13 0
4589 Hey there, Can I get some ice too..? 1.0977 0.02585 133 120 13 0
4590 Can I have some ice? Mine’s melt. 1.0976 0.02924 123 112 10 1
4591 Nobody listens but you. 1.0976 0.03144 123 113 8 2
4592 I'm going to hell in a hand basket. Make it a double. 1.0976 0.02686 123 111 12 0
4593 Another one, Joe, but more ice. Can't take this heat! 1.0976 0.03349 123 114 6 3
4594 Do you think I've changed? Climatologically that is. 1.0976 0.03144 123 113 8 2
4595 My wife ran away with the children and I don't know where in the world they are. 1.0976 0.03144 123 113 8 2
4596 Okay, so I get a little hot under the collar. 1.0976 0.02686 123 111 12 0
4597 Please, more ice. 1.0976 0.03144 123 113 8 2
4598 Hi. It’s me. I’m the problem. It’s me 1.0976 0.03349 123 114 6 3
4599 Quick, more ice!! 1.0976 0.02924 123 112 10 1
4600 Can you get me something that isn't too dry, too wet, too hot, or too cold? 1.0976 0.02686 123 111 12 0
4601 I feel like I have the weight of the whole world on my shoulders. 1.0976 0.03144 123 113 8 2
4602 At this point it's definitely half empty. 1.0976 0.02924 123 112 10 1
4603 This place is apocalyptic; can I get a ticket to Mars? 1.0976 0.02924 123 112 10 1
4604 All this climate change hoopla is driving me crazy! 1.0976 0.02924 123 112 10 1
4605 You are good with making it dry. 1.0976 0.03144 123 113 8 2
4606 I've been telling you for years. It's not going to work out between us. 1.0973 0.03070 113 103 9 1
4607 Too much rain lately... make it a dry one! 1.0973 0.03070 113 103 9 1
4608 This global warming makes me really thirsty! 1.0973 0.03070 113 103 9 1
4609 Why do you care if I have too much and tilt the wrong way 1.0973 0.02801 113 102 11 0
4610 and then she says to me "it's the same thing day in and day out - all you do is rotate around the sun' 1.0973 0.03070 113 103 9 1
4611 Hey Joe!Give me one more for the road. 1.0973 0.03070 113 103 9 1
4612 How am I? You can't be serious! 1.0971 0.03782 103 96 4 3
4613 Globe: "It's my world you're just living in it” 1.0970 0.02776 134 122 11 1
4614 Whatcha got for hot flashes? 1.0970 0.02776 134 122 11 1
4615 Maybe it is the end of the world ! 1.0970 0.02972 134 123 9 2
4616 Fires, floods, record heat, wars, pollution….no wonder I erupt and quake. Better make it a double!” 1.0970 0.02972 134 123 9 2
4617 You gotta tell your people to stop beating up on me. 1.0970 0.03328 134 125 5 4
4618 This other-Eden is getting hot as hell. 1.0970 0.02776 134 122 11 1
4619 I meant Earth water. 1.0968 0.02901 124 113 10 1
4620 Can you turn up the air conditioning? 1.0968 0.03323 124 115 6 3
4621 One for the road? 1.0968 0.02666 124 112 12 0
4622 I've got the weight of the world on my shoulders. 1.0968 0.03323 124 115 6 3
4623 Venus? Water doesn’t seem to impress her, she keeps pointing out I have just one moon. 1.0968 0.03119 124 114 8 2
4624 Not a fizzy water right? 1.0968 0.03119 124 114 8 2
4625 How’d you guess I prefer the ac on??? 1.0968 0.02901 124 113 10 1
4626 I've been downgraded to dwarf status. 1.0968 0.03119 124 114 8 2
4627 It's time to say goodbye! 1.0968 0.02666 124 112 12 0
4628 Everyone wants to break the ice tonight--I don't have much left! 1.0968 0.02666 124 112 12 0
4629 Could I have a glass of water. I’m overheating and need to hydrate. 1.0966 0.02649 145 132 12 1
4630 All I need is a big drink of ice water. Is that really too much to ask? 1.0965 0.03289 114 105 7 2
4631 The weight of the world is on my shoulders, and I don’t have any! 1.0965 0.03044 114 104 9 1
4632 And then she says, "look, this relationship just isn't revolving". 1.0965 0.03732 114 107 3 4
4633 Wait Atlas only holds up the stars,not the globe? THEN WHO’S UNDER MY BAR STOOL? 1.0965 0.03517 114 106 5 3
4634 Hey bartender. Can ya make it a double cuz I’m in big trouble! 1.0965 0.03289 114 105 7 2
4635 Look, can you just call Al Gore? He'll pay my tab. 1.0965 0.03044 114 104 9 1
4636 Hey there. I’ll have another hurricane, a Moscow mule and three shots of Fireball. 1.0965 0.03517 114 106 5 3
4637 I feel like I've got the whole world on my shoulders. 1.0965 0.03044 114 104 9 1
4638 And even then they’ll probably whine about not getting their security deposit back. 1.0963 0.02757 135 123 11 1
4639 She said I was too plastic! 1.0963 0.02950 135 124 9 2
4640 I could’ve been a contender. 1.0963 0.02757 135 123 11 1
4641 Tell me more that we share the same global circumference, defined by scale & degrees of stupidity. 1.0962 0.03489 104 96 6 2
4642 You think you got it bad?! My ice caps are melting, and my doctor says its a hoax from China. 1.0960 0.02879 125 114 10 1
4643 Spaceships! The fear of abandonment feels worse than the abuse. 1.0960 0.02879 125 114 10 1
4644 I'll take another double, my oceans are a little low. 1.0960 0.02879 125 114 10 1
4645 Yeah, I agree. It's going to be a hot one. 1.0960 0.02879 125 114 10 1
4646 So I says ‘why do I keep doing this? They treat me like shit!’” 1.0960 0.03095 125 115 8 2
4647 Boy, it was a lot cooler last time I went around the sun! 1.0960 0.02879 125 114 10 1
4648 I'm burning up like a house on fire I've got the shakes & quakes so dire I'm sweating like a flood and ofter stuck in the mud Hey barkeep, thanks for listening to my ongoing transitioning 1.0960 0.03095 125 115 8 2
4649 I'm running out of fresh water! 1.0960 0.02879 125 114 10 1
4650 Can't even pull in this climate ! 1.0959 0.02805 146 134 10 2
4651 I’m going to need a lot more than this…… 1.0957 0.03262 115 106 7 2
4652 Who lifts the weight off MY shoulders ?! 1.0957 0.03019 115 105 9 1
4653 You drank me dry! 1.0957 0.03019 115 105 9 1
4654 Yeah, it’s hot, but it’s not my fault! 1.0957 0.03262 115 106 7 2
4655 Waiter! Waiter! More microplastics please! 1.0956 0.02737 136 124 11 1
4656 Mr. Pope you think you have problems, let me tell you mine. 1.0952 0.03272 126 117 6 3
4657 Why are you looking at me like that. You are the ones who are destroying the planet? 1.0952 0.02857 126 115 10 1
4658 I'm just really struggling to warm up to people. It makes my head spin. 1.0952 0.03181 105 96 8 1
4659 Doc says it's "climate change". I thought it was the flu! 1.0952 0.02878 105 95 10 0
4660 I only have a drink once in a blue moon,what's wrong with that? 1.0952 0.02857 126 115 10 1
4661 Hey, waiter, can I get some ice? I’m dying here… 1.0952 0.02787 147 135 10 2
4662 You had to ask, What on earth am I doing? 1.0952 0.03181 105 96 8 1
4663 Lately, I'm feeling very misunderstood and underappreciated." Howie Lipstein, Suffern, N 1.0952 0.03071 126 116 8 2
4664 I'm not asking for the world. I'm asking for *me*. 1.0952 0.03071 126 116 8 2
4665 Hit me. 1.0949 0.02718 137 125 11 1
4666 For weeks now, this inexplicable fear of handbags. 1.0948 0.02994 116 106 9 1
4667 More ice, please. I need to cool down. 1.0948 0.03235 116 107 7 2
4668 Who..where..what in the world am I? 1.0948 0.02994 116 106 9 1
4669 Can you ask your boss to “turn the heat down”? 1.0948 0.02994 116 106 9 1
4670 You have no idea what they have been putting me through !!!! 1.0946 0.02597 148 135 12 1
4671 We both are losing cover'age'! 1.0945 0.03247 127 118 6 3
4672 Hey guess the moon has more water than me. -Abhya Jain Bangalore, India. 1.0945 0.03048 127 117 8 2
4673 …so my doctor says, “I’m telling you for the last time - no more carbonated drinks!” 1.0945 0.03048 127 117 8 2
4674 It’s like cheap vodka, I am burning inside. 1.0945 0.02836 127 116 10 1
4675 Hey, No Shade. I need a drink. I've done my best and there is no shade left any where. 1.0945 0.02606 127 115 12 0
4676 And then the news says that drinking alcohol dehydrates you and makes you even warmer! 1.0945 0.03048 127 117 8 2
4677 Just a couple of ice cubes? 1.0945 0.03048 127 117 8 2
4678 I don't know how many more years I have myself 1.0945 0.02836 127 116 10 1
4679 Gimme another. I’m having severe weather. 1.0943 0.03152 106 97 8 1
4680 You'd drink too if you had the same troubles I have... make the next a double. 1.0943 0.03678 106 99 4 3
4681 I like my water sparkling with a side of salt. 1.0940 0.03208 117 108 7 2
4682 Excuse me — I said I wanted a sea-breeze, not a boiler-maker... 1.0940 0.03208 117 108 7 2
4683 You NEVER heard of Global warming? 1.0940 0.02969 117 107 9 1
4684 I can't figure out what's worse: hot flashes or cold 1.0940 0.02969 117 107 9 1
4685 people were saying it's a wide world so I went on a diet, now I'm hearing it's a small world so I'm back to drinking again" 1.0940 0.03208 117 108 7 2
4686 Global warming is a hoax ! 1.0940 0.03430 117 109 5 3
4687 Give me more of the usual, Never mind the damage! 1.0940 0.03208 117 108 7 2
4688 I'm not kidding. I really do have the weight of the world on my shoulders! You think you've got troubles, Joe! 1.0938 0.02814 128 117 10 1
4689 I tell you Gus, I'm about to just give it all up. 1.0938 0.03025 128 118 8 2
4690 So then Jupiter says 'I got 69 moons and you only got one, so I says... 1.0938 0.03025 128 118 8 2
4691 My temperature keeps rising! Are menopausal hot flashes always this bad? 1.0938 0.03222 128 119 6 3
4692 What do these hot flashes really mean? 1.0938 0.02814 128 117 10 1
4693 Is there any hope? 1.0938 0.03651 96 89 5 2
4694 Really small planets get no respect. 1.0935 0.03045 139 129 7 3
4695 Nobody knows me anymore in this neighborhood." 1.0935 0.03045 139 129 7 3
4696 Do you have any ice? 1.0935 0.02479 139 126 13 0
4697 Hey, this tastes like water! Can't you see I don't need more of it? 1.0935 0.03045 139 129 7 3
4698 Trust me, I'd love a hot toddy. But do you know what kind of blowback I'd get? 1.0935 0.03394 107 99 6 2
4699 And then the inhabitants blamed me for the storms 1.0935 0.03645 107 100 4 3
4700 I've always been a glass-half-full kinda guy, but I'll be damned -- something's changing. 1.0935 0.03645 107 100 4 3
4701 I’ll close out. I’m starting to get the spins. 1.0935 0.03123 107 98 8 1
4702 What's wrong with this world? 1.0933 0.02733 150 138 10 2
4703 Excuse Me .Wheres the ice? 1.0932 0.02945 118 108 9 1
4704 Hasta la vista baby! 1.0932 0.02688 118 107 11 0
4705 I can't take the heat! 1.0932 0.03182 118 109 7 2
4706 And then she said, "Leave your little world behind and come with me." 1.0932 0.03182 118 109 7 2
4707 Set 'em up. I'm going to need lotsa drinks. 1.0932 0.03182 118 109 7 2
4708 You got any aspirin? I think I'm running a fever. 1.0932 0.03182 118 109 7 2
4709 Stop me if you've heard this on. 1.0932 0.02945 118 108 9 1
4710 I'm all a Twitter 1.0932 0.02945 118 108 9 1
4711 Is it hot in here? 1.0930 0.03002 129 119 8 2
4712 Can I urgently have more ice, please? 1.0930 0.03002 129 119 8 2
4713 So this guy bumped into me the other day, that didn’t really bother me too much, but he has started following me around everywhere whispering in my ear “I’m your Moon now, your itty bitty moon boy”. 1.0930 0.03382 129 121 4 4
4714 You wouldn't believe the crazy things I have spinning around in my head. 1.0930 0.02793 129 118 10 1
4715 I can smell your cunt, David Remnick. 1.0926 0.03844 108 102 2 4
4716 She found out they have a mutual friend from college. So why does that make ME small?! 1.0926 0.03364 108 100 6 2
4717 Better make it a double. My list of troubles is sad and long. 1.0926 0.03096 108 99 8 1
4718 Got any aspirin? I feel a supercontinent coming on. 1.0926 0.03364 108 100 6 2
4719 You know,I think I prefer the Old Fashioned. 1.0924 0.03156 119 110 7 2
4720 What do you mean...you ran out of ice?! 1.0924 0.03156 119 110 7 2
4721 Whewww, I feel like an Atomic Spritzer with a Hydrogen Chaser! 1.0924 0.03156 119 110 7 2
4722 And then when it finally dawned on them that I was getting really really hot, they came up with these huge stupid pickups with huge stupid tires that only made things worse. 1.0924 0.03374 119 111 5 3
4723 My drink is a little weak, I'm already 70% water. How about another shot of 70 proof scotch? - Don Bernhardt Nyack, NY 1.0924 0.02666 119 108 11 0
4724 It's getting hot here, and I don't think it's my drink 1.0924 0.02921 119 109 9 1
4725 WHAT IN THE WORLD ARE THEY DOING TO ME 1.0924 0.02666 119 108 11 0
4726 Never tell a trucker, you don’t know where OLAY is. 1.0924 0.03156 119 110 7 2
4727 It’s this barstool you should be asking, not me. 1.0924 0.03156 119 110 7 2
4728 So, is it half-empty or half-full? 1.0924 0.02921 119 109 9 1
4729 I'm trying to get out of my shell. 1.0924 0.03156 119 110 7 2
4730 What on earth are you doing? Can't you see I am technically incontinent? 1.0924 0.03156 119 110 7 2
4731 Man, why on Earth is it so hot? 1.0924 0.02921 119 109 9 1
4732 Don’t even get me started about billionaires on Mars. 1.0923 0.03174 130 121 6 3
4733 And then there's the hot flashes 1.0923 0.03174 130 121 6 3
4734 Listen buddy, I don't want it on the rocks. 1.0923 0.02773 130 119 10 1
4735 Ever since this Jesus guy showed up, I've been feeling all woozy-maybe you'd know something about it? 1.0923 0.02980 130 120 8 2
4736 No, gluten’s fine. Any fossil fuel-free beer, though? 1.0923 0.03174 130 121 6 3
4737 I figured you'd come to me sooner or later. Take a sip while I put on my white skull cap and mitre. 1.0922 0.03003 141 131 7 3
4738 Thanks, but I've had enough. 1.0917 0.03579 109 102 4 3
4739 It’s a birthmark, ok. What on earth did you think it was? 1.0917 0.03068 109 100 8 1
4740 But getting a single malt scotch really does makes a world of difference 1.0917 0.03334 109 101 6 2
4741 ...but then everything started getting hotter. 1.0917 0.03346 120 112 5 3
4742 Set 'um up, Joe I got a world Fulla problems I think you should know... 1.0917 0.03130 120 111 7 2
4743 So I told her, “Hey babe, quit trying to change me. I’m a single successful guy, and I owe it to myself to be free.” 1.0917 0.03130 120 111 7 2
4744 Ice cubes. Quickly ! The new ones in designer shapes. I’ll make you millions, no billions, of ice cubes. 1.0916 0.02752 131 120 10 1
4745 Can you put more ice in my next drink. I tend to run hot. 1.0916 0.02752 131 120 10 1
4746 And then I heard there was an earthquake, a fire and a flood. Oh my! 1.0916 0.03150 131 122 6 3
4747 What's the deal with humans, I fed them gave them water and now they think they own the place. 1.0916 0.02752 131 120 10 1
4748 One corona ain't enough Jack, you better make it three. 1.0916 0.02958 131 121 8 2
4749 I'll have another. 1.0909 0.03304 110 102 6 2
4750 I've got the weight of myself on my shoulders. 1.0909 0.02875 121 111 9 1
4751 Did I hear you sing " Make The World Go Away " ? 1.0909 0.02732 132 121 10 1
4752 This whole climate change thing has really got me down. 1.0909 0.02624 121 110 11 0
4753 Some days I just wanna say “Enough already with the spinning!” 1.0909 0.02732 132 121 10 1
4754 You... you wanna give me a high five? 1.0909 0.03548 110 103 4 3
4755 What can I do? The world's going to hell in a hand basket! 1.0909 0.02412 143 130 13 0
4756 I thought He held the whole world in his hands? How did I wind up here?? 1.0909 0.03105 121 112 7 2
4757 To be honest I only come in here to get out of the heat. 1.0909 0.03320 121 113 5 3
4758 Hey, my glaciers are melting over here. Where can I “drain my oceans”… 1.0909 0.03041 110 101 8 1
4759 What do you mean drink up and go home? 1.0909 0.03320 121 113 5 3
4760 My life is going to hell in a hand basket. 1.0909 0.03320 121 113 5 3
4761 “Make that a double shot; I have this terrible human rash that’s killing me.” 1.0909 0.02624 121 110 11 0
4762 This is my last round, close me out. 1.0909 0.02732 132 121 10 1
4763 I always assumed it was vitiligo. 1.0909 0.03105 121 112 7 2
4764 They're a 10, but their smoking habit keeps clouding my atmosphere. 1.0903 0.02591 144 132 11 1
4765 If global warming is just a hoax, why do I keep getting all these hot flashes?!?! 1.0902 0.02713 133 122 10 1
4766 and by 'on the rocks', i mean glaciers. i'm CRAZY LOW on glaciers. 1.0902 0.02494 133 121 12 0
4767 Global warmed pal... pour me another 1.0902 0.02915 133 123 8 2
4768 What do you mean the ice melted? 1.0902 0.02915 133 123 8 2
4769 If I have another you’ll have to roll me home 1.0902 0.03080 122 113 7 2
4770 I swear it was pangea not panegyric 1.0902 0.03293 122 114 5 3
4771 Have you ever been accused of cruelty? 1.0902 0.02852 122 112 9 1
4772 I have no complaints. 1.0902 0.03080 122 113 7 2
4773 And then the guy looks at me like I was from another planet! 1.0902 0.03080 122 113 7 2
4774 No! No! I don't want to buy a round for the house. 1.0901 0.03275 111 103 6 2
4775 It's not just the heat. It's the fumes, the plastic, 1.0901 0.03015 111 102 8 1
4776 You think Rodney Dangerfield had it bad, I get zero respect! 1.0901 0.03015 111 102 8 1
4777 I just wished the me revolved around me… 1.0900 0.03509 100 93 5 2
4778 All these computer coders would type out Hello World but no one would ever to to me. 1.0896 0.03082 134 125 6 3
4779 And then it got even worse 1.0896 0.02894 134 124 8 2
4780 The zipper broke off, and I've been trapped in this sweltering thing for nearly a year! 1.0896 0.02894 134 124 8 2
4781 A priest, a rabbi, a duck, and Henry Kissinger walk into a bar... 1.0896 0.02476 134 122 12 0
4782 I need a drink for hot flashes and cold chills. 1.0894 0.02830 123 113 9 1
4783 You take them...I need a break! 1.0894 0.02830 123 113 9 1
4784 Hey, I need more than one shot to adjust my attitude. 1.0894 0.02584 123 112 11 0
4785 Do think global warming is the reason for my hot flashes or am I simply going through menopause? 1.0894 0.03267 123 115 5 3
4786 The Cosmopolitan is so overrated. 1.0894 0.03056 123 114 7 2
4787 I know I'm drunk, but wouldn't you be too, if you had the weight of the world on you? Oh wait, I mean the OVERWEIGHT of the world. Sorry I lied about my weight. 1.0889 0.03235 135 127 4 4
4788 Somehow,howling at the black hole is not quite the same 1.0889 0.02674 135 124 10 1
4789 How about throwing a couple of Hail Marys my way? 1.0887 0.02808 124 114 9 1
4790 I understand what you're saying but I've got my problems too. 1.0887 0.02808 124 114 9 1
4791 I don’t get it. One day they’re saying nice things about me and the next day I don’t get no respect. 1.0887 0.02808 124 114 9 1
4792 How was I supposed to know Mars would get so upset 1.0887 0.02808 124 114 9 1
4793 No salt needed around the rim on the next one, thanks! 1.0887 0.03032 124 115 7 2
4794 I'm going to need something stronger to cool down. 1.0887 0.02808 124 114 9 1
4795 Water on the rocks. 1.0885 0.02964 113 104 8 1
4796 All I ever drink now are Hot Toddys. 1.0885 0.02964 113 104 8 1
4797 I know I'm 70% water... but I need a drink! 1.0885 0.02964 113 104 8 1
4798 Please, don’t judge me, I’m only a planet ? 1.0885 0.02964 113 104 8 1
4799 It’s a small world. 1.0882 0.02655 136 125 10 1
4800 I’ll have a shot of fireball and make jt strong 1.0882 0.02853 136 126 8 2
4801 I was born as a tiny island. 1.0880 0.02786 125 115 9 1
4802 Excuse me, but my ice is melting. 1.0880 0.02786 125 115 9 1
4803 I’m having an “Annus Horribilis,” and even the Moon is eclipsing me these days. 1.0880 0.03009 125 116 7 2
4804 YOU say you've heard it all! 1.0877 0.02938 114 105 8 1
4805 I've been pretty under the weather lately; I'm always burning up." - Ella Jane Simmons, Oxford, M 1.0877 0.02938 114 105 8 1
4806 I'm the one that made their very existence possible, and now ... this. 1.0877 0.03192 114 106 6 2
4807 help, i’m warming! haha just kidding, my man, i’ll be fine. your good buddy earth’ll be here— just, you know, humanity and a bunch of other species won’t be. and you know what? no one will miss ‘em. so how’s about a jäegermeister, right here on libya 1.0877 0.03426 114 107 4 3
4808 It’s quarter to three, and I’m feeling world weary. 1.0877 0.03192 114 106 6 2
4809 This is over 70% water 1.0876 0.02636 137 126 10 1
4810 Why did you skimp on the ice? I told you I was getting hot! 1.0876 0.02833 137 127 8 2
4811 ...and get me an ice water back, I'm really warm! 1.0874 0.03410 103 96 5 2
4812 The doc said I don't have much time, but I think if I just wait it out, it'll go away. No matter which way it goes, I'll miss our talks. 1.0874 0.03118 103 95 7 1
4813 One more round of climate control, please. 1.0873 0.02525 126 115 11 0
4814 Woah, hold on. When we negotiated, «on the rocks » was about using rocks, not ice. 1.0873 0.03384 126 119 3 4
4815 You think you have issues? 1.0873 0.02525 126 115 11 0
4816 More water, please! But only in the right places. 1.0873 0.02765 126 116 9 1
4817 Then they got rid of me in order to facilitate an intergalactic highway construction project for a hyperspace express route 1.0873 0.03191 126 118 5 3
4818 Please don't listen to those young earthers! I swear I'm old enough! 1.0873 0.02765 126 116 9 1
4819 I never thought “bottoms up” would come to this. 1.0873 0.02765 126 116 9 1
4820 Don't blame me! 1.0873 0.02765 126 116 9 1
4821 The world is thirsty...keep 'em coming. 1.0872 0.02682 149 138 9 2
4822 I'm warming, Lou! Start me off with a billion frozen daiquiris, and keep 'em coming. 1.0870 0.03165 115 107 6 2
4823 What's that huge growth below your South Pole? 1.0870 0.02618 138 127 10 1
4824 Give me something strong. I’m tired of being taken for granite. 1.0870 0.02914 115 106 8 1
4825 What do people want from me. That's a good question. I'm not sure but, I don't have much left to give them. Another Negroni, please." 1.0870 0.03165 115 107 6 2
4826 Can you turn up the a/c, I’m burning up over here! 1.0870 0.02914 115 106 8 1
4827 They care more about staying in power than about me. 1.0870 0.02639 115 105 10 0
4828 Tell ya what....everybody's back talking to me now...even the friggin moon for goodness sakes! 1.0866 0.03167 127 119 5 3
4829 I dunno. Just pour me one...and another...and another...and ano-- 1.0866 0.02506 127 116 11 0
4830 George Carlin told them the truth about trying to save me, but would they listen No NO NNOO! 1.0866 0.02963 127 118 7 2
4831 Can I go play with the other kids now? 1.0866 0.02963 127 118 7 2
4832 The way things are going,pretty soon things will stop growin 1.0865 0.03378 104 97 5 2
4833 Just water, no ice. 1.0862 0.03138 116 108 6 2
4834 I may not be your entire world, but don’t just ignore me. 1.0862 0.02617 116 106 10 0
4835 As the world continued to blabber on about its problems, God realized what so many people had been saying all along. He didn't care. 1.0862 0.02617 116 106 10 0
4836 Gimme another shot a oil. 1.0862 0.02890 116 107 8 1
4837 I'm going to be meeting Venus here. Do you serve Molten Lava Martinis? 1.0859 0.02487 128 117 11 0
4838 Just one more Scotch on the rocks, please? I really need both to cool down and to blackout until I can't remember. 1.0859 0.02940 128 119 7 2
4839 Everybody wants me; everybody uses me. 1.0859 0.02487 128 117 11 0
4840 I don't need water or a fan. Do you know where I can get a colonoscopy? 1.0859 0.02723 128 118 9 1
4841 Why can't I run up a bar tab like everyone else? 1.0857 0.03346 105 98 5 2
4842 I'm looking for a hot time! Do you know any planets that might be interested in global warming? 1.0857 0.02745 105 96 9 0
4843 Please testify I didn't order ice for the drink! 1.0855 0.03341 117 110 4 3
4844 And how am I supposed to react, being treated thet way? 1.0855 0.02596 117 107 10 0
4845 It's like no one takes me seriously any more. Sometimes I just feel so alone in this world. 1.0855 0.03112 117 109 6 2
4846 And then the humans dumped me and all my dogs died. 1.0855 0.02866 117 108 8 1
4847 . . . “So then, I melted some glaciers, made some forest fires and spawned a few category 5 hurricanes - and still, they are not doing much to help me out”. 1.0855 0.02596 117 107 10 0
4848 Problems? MY problems? I got all the problems of the..ah, forget it." 1.0855 0.02866 117 108 8 1
4849 You pour them heavy here. I feel like I'm spinning 1.0855 0.03554 117 111 2 4
4850 This isn`t helping. How about some plain water? 1.0855 0.02596 117 107 10 0
4851 Do you have any idea how hard it is to be this hot? 1.0855 0.02596 117 107 10 0
4852 Quick! Before it's too late! 1.0855 0.02866 117 108 8 1
4853 I'm feeling warm, I need a cool drink. 1.0853 0.02918 129 120 7 2
4854 I swear to you, that huge dish I saw flying towards me was full of immigrants coming from other planets. I think they were asking for asylum. 1.0847 0.03313 118 111 4 3
4855 My big break came with a wall gig..and I might add with no help whatsoever from the kings men… 1.0847 0.03087 118 110 6 2
4856 So you don't feel like you're spinning? 1.0847 0.03313 118 111 4 3
4857 Check, please, I'm feeling my climate change. 1.0847 0.02575 118 108 10 0
4858 I’ve only got a few minutes…My O-zone meter is running up. 1.0847 0.02575 118 108 10 0
4859 Yeah, I'm weary! Wouldn't be sitting here if I weren't. 1.0847 0.02575 118 108 10 0
4860 Aren’t you going to tell me that I’ve had enough? 1.0847 0.02842 118 109 8 1
4861 Yes, a refill would mean the world to me! 1.0846 0.02450 130 119 11 0
4862 Can I get another... wait... did I turn off my stove? 1.0846 0.02896 130 121 7 2
4863 ....so then my wife says she wants a divorce and that our marriage has been a "hell on earth". 1.0846 0.02896 130 121 7 2
4864 Quick,something cold to drink! 1.0846 0.02450 130 119 11 0
4865 So you say I look like I'm carrying the world on my shoulders? What if I got no shoulders... 1.0846 0.02896 130 121 7 2
4866 So then I said, "You have no idea what it's like to have the weight of the world on your shoulders." 1.0841 0.03285 107 100 5 2
4867 Are you my Uber driver? 1.0841 0.03005 107 99 7 1
4868 Did you find my world beats 7 tape? 1.0841 0.03005 107 99 7 1
4869 I'll be fine. Being 70% water is key for preventing hangovers. 1.0841 0.02696 107 98 9 0
4870 Hit me with another around." 1.0840 0.03061 119 111 6 2
4871 Can I get a glass of water? I'm feeling quite hot. 1.0840 0.02554 119 109 10 0
4872 Believe it or not, I was once a member of the Globesquaters. 1.0840 0.03061 119 111 6 2
4873 Can you see the world through my eyes? 1.0840 0.02875 131 122 7 2
4874 Stop the me! I want to get off. 1.0840 0.02432 131 120 11 0
4875 Yeah, I’m trying to cut back. Apparently the “weight of the world” is too heavy. 1.0840 0.02663 131 121 9 1
4876 hey buddy. anybody find a moon floating around in here? 1.0840 0.02432 131 120 11 0
4877 I DON'T GET IT! EVEN THOUGH I'M TWO-THIRDS WATER I'M ALWAYS THIRSTY! 1.0840 0.03072 131 123 5 3
4878 Those avalanches really get to me. 1.0839 0.02530 143 132 10 1
4879 Another Boilermaker. 1.0833 0.02311 144 132 12 0
4880 Sorry, Fred, just humor me here: Half full or half empty? I'm payin' either way, I swear... 1.0833 0.02796 120 111 8 1
4881 How about putting somewhat more gin in this gin-tonic? That would improve my quality tremendously. 1.0833 0.03256 108 101 5 2
4882 Do you have something cool and refreshing? 1.0833 0.02796 120 111 8 1
4883 Can you make it on the rocks? I need to cool down. 1.0833 0.02978 108 100 7 1
4884 This round is on the House, the Senate, or the Executive Branch. 1.0833 0.02672 108 99 9 0
4885 And somehow I'm supposed to shoulder on? 1.0833 0.02643 132 122 9 1
4886 Excuse me, can you please lower the temperature in here? The ice in my drink keeps melting. 1.0833 0.02854 132 123 7 2
4887 I thought this was going to cool me down. 1.0833 0.02796 120 111 8 1
4888 I'll have a frozen margarita, and keep 'em coming! 1.0833 0.02672 108 99 9 0
4889 It's no hoax, but quite a sobering thought. 1.0828 0.02681 145 135 8 2
4890 I don't want to hear the news 1.0827 0.02833 133 124 7 2
4891 I've had it with you humans. I'm getting on the next SpaceX launch and I'm outta here! 1.0827 0.02833 133 124 7 2
4892 I think I have the right to say it's coming to an end! 1.0821 0.02605 134 124 9 1
4893 I tell ya, sometimes things go crazy and I just don't know where to turn. Can I have another? The same. 1.0821 0.02812 134 125 7 2
4894 I was tryin' to pull her but she said our interests don't align. 1.0821 0.02605 134 124 9 1
4895 This guy tried to pick me up and when I said I'd never heard of him -- Elon Musk -- he just lost it! 1.0820 0.02752 122 113 8 1
4896 And the worst of it? The night sweats. I’ve never felt hotter! 1.0820 0.02494 122 112 10 0
4897 Don't get started on the people who think I owe them something. I was here first. 1.0820 0.02988 122 114 6 2
4898 Man! The room is spinning! 1.0820 0.02988 122 114 6 2
4899 No one wants to die alone, you know? 1.0820 0.02752 122 113 8 1
4900 After a couple drinks, I’m suddenly spinning around and seeing stars. It’s like my life flashing before me. 1.0820 0.02988 122 114 6 2
4901 What’s wrong with me today? 1.0820 0.02988 122 114 6 2
4902 Whaddya mean, "It's closing time?" 1.0820 0.02752 122 113 8 1
4903 Ok God, can I now try the artificial intelligence shot? 1.0820 0.02988 122 114 6 2
4904 It's me, Hi...you're the problem for me. 1.0820 0.02752 122 113 8 1
4905 Hey, I didn't want all those people in Morrocco to die! These plates, man, their crazy! 1.0818 0.02625 110 101 9 0
4906 ...and all those ants have given me equator rash! 1.0815 0.02792 135 126 7 2
4907 One drink will never make me feel better. 1.0815 0.02587 135 125 9 1
4908 Please. Your tallest glass of atmosphere on the rocks. 1.0815 0.02587 135 125 9 1
4909 Ramaswarmy said my bad rash is just a hoax! 1.0813 0.02730 123 114 8 1
4910 So I told her, "Air travel isn't making me smaller, but it IS making me hotter," and she threw me out of the house! 1.0811 0.02900 111 103 7 1
4911 I’m gonna have to cut you off buddy… your head is spinning. 1.0809 0.02772 136 127 7 2
4912 More water, please 1.0806 0.02709 124 115 8 1
4913 I need a cold one, wait ... make it a double. 1.0806 0.02709 124 115 8 1
4914 Hey barkeep, I've got the world under my shoulders! 1.0806 0.02709 124 115 8 1
4915 Pour me another and make it snappy! I only have 90 seconds left according to the Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists. 1.0806 0.02455 124 114 10 0
4916 You and everyone else say I'm well-rounded, but a lotta good that does me when Venus tells me I'm completely unattractive. 1.0806 0.02941 124 116 6 2
4917 They anagrammed my complaint about "global warming" and said I'm "a growling lamb". 1.0804 0.02580 112 103 9 0
4918 Thanks for listening about how the world is affecting me. 1.0804 0.02580 112 103 9 0
4919 Do you have anything to cool me down? 1.0804 0.03142 112 105 5 2
4920 Another water please. It’s like I’m made (mostly) of water. 1.0800 0.02918 125 117 6 2
4921 My cousin Humpty says your martinis will really knock me out . 1.0800 0.02688 125 116 8 1
4922 I'm not sure if I should be worried about the hot flashes, or whether they are just a natural part of aging. 1.0800 0.02688 125 116 8 1
4923 Everyone says, the world is crazy…stop the world I’m getting off. What about me? Can I get off? 1.0796 0.02850 113 105 7 1
4924 So I tell the boss, the moon and I have circled back to this point over 10 billion times and it ain't getting better. 1.0796 0.02850 113 105 7 1
4925 And China is getting more aggressive, and there's that Putin guy in Russia, and there's global warming, and over population, and Covid......... 1.0796 0.02558 113 104 9 0
4926 You wanna talk migraines? North America just broke free over my left eye. 1.0796 0.03115 113 106 5 2
4927 Doc says I have a case of America. 1.0794 0.02667 126 117 8 1
4928 I'm not pointing any fingers....it's just that after awhile, the heat got to be too much! 1.0794 0.02896 126 118 6 2
4929 Yes, it's Weltsmerz! 1.0794 0.02896 126 118 6 2
4930 What with all the rotating and revolving how can I ever know if I've had too much? 1.0794 0.02667 126 117 8 1
4931 I am beginning to regret this whole adoption thing 1.0794 0.02667 126 117 8 1
4932 Bigger glass please - don’t you know we’re running out of potable water? 1.0794 0.02418 126 116 10 0
4933 If you had 8 billion bugs dermaforming you, you’d drink too 1.0791 0.02298 139 128 11 0
4934 No. I don’t need the usual. I said I need an ambulance! 1.0791 0.02714 139 130 7 2
4935 Can I send this back and get a Mind Eraser? 1.0791 0.02515 139 129 9 1
4936 You're fine, have another shot! 1.0791 0.02298 139 128 11 0
4937 Why is your roasted appetizer called "The Preview?" 1.0789 0.02826 114 106 7 1
4938 If the world ends tonight, Sal, it drowns with drinks from every continent, okay? 1.0787 0.02873 127 119 6 2
4939 Listen, you do not understand how itchy these humans are! 1.0787 0.02647 127 118 8 1
4940 Better give me a glass of water with that, I'm feeling pretty dehydrated these days... 1.0787 0.02873 127 119 6 2
4941 It's. ALL your fault! 1.0787 0.02647 127 118 8 1
4942 Half my life is gone, my wife is getting more distant, my kids don't respect me -- I think that calls for another double. 1.0786 0.02497 140 130 9 1
4943 I feel like I got the weight of the world on my shoulders 1.0786 0.02695 140 131 7 2
4944 Another shot heard 'round me, please! 1.0786 0.02282 140 129 11 0
4945 Do you ever feel like a piece of you is missing? And is in constant orbit around you causes high tides? 1.0783 0.02802 115 107 7 1
4946 Where did Luna go? 1.0783 0.03062 115 108 5 2
4947 You ever feel like you have the world on your shoulders? 1.0783 0.03302 115 109 3 3
4948 My wife doesn't think the world of me. 1.0783 0.02802 115 107 7 1
4949 I got a world of trouble,friend! 1.0783 0.02802 115 107 7 1
4950 Earth's cosmic pit-stop: H2O on the rocks, please! 1.0783 0.02802 115 107 7 1
4951 They forgot it was my Earth Day. 1.0783 0.02802 115 107 7 1
4952 Sheeze, Venus has a sulfuric acid veil and sticks up her nose at be for a little too much methane. 1.0783 0.02515 115 106 9 0
4953 Kool-aid with a twist? 1.0781 0.02627 128 119 8 1
4954 Sometimes I feel like the whole world’s against me. 1.0780 0.02267 141 130 11 0
4955 Can I please have some more ice in my drink? I feel like it getting really warm in here. 1.0777 0.02988 103 96 6 1
4956 Hey, what happened to my ice? 1.0776 0.03274 116 110 3 3
4957 Hey Bud,I appreciate the offer of your best single-malt rocks. But I’m stressed about sustaining life on the plant - so a “splash of water on the side” not gonna cut it. 1.0776 0.02495 116 107 9 0
4958 My doctor saysI gotta spend more time in the sauna, but I don’t think even that’s gonna get rid of them. 1.0776 0.02779 116 108 7 1
4959 I keep the sunbathers happy, then the next thing I hear is the wine lovers complaining about the vintage. 1.0776 0.02779 116 108 7 1
4960 These politicians are too old to make decisions that are in my best interest, but you're probably thinking that I have no room to talk because I'm 4.5 billion years old. 1.0776 0.02779 116 108 7 1
4961 I need a drink, something “on the rocks”. 1.0776 0.03037 116 109 5 2
4962 No ice ?” LD Soderlind, Mpls,M 1.0776 0.02495 116 107 9 0
4963 I'll stick with water. After two drinks I feel like my head is spinning. 1.0776 0.02495 116 107 9 0
4964 Let’s make it a double this time..my head is still spinning 1.0775 0.02607 129 120 8 1
4965 I cam here because the whole world needed a drink. 1.0775 0.02830 129 121 6 2
4966 excuse me sir, I need some more water with a side of humanity and peace please 1.0775 0.02830 129 121 6 2
4967 My therapist said my life shouldn't revolve around her just because she's hot. 1.0775 0.02830 129 121 6 2
4968 And then they made me change. Dressed me up in plastic and rubbed oil all over me. Why? I liked me just the way I was--originally, I mean. 1.0769 0.02626 104 96 8 0
4969 It sets me spinning! All I hear is people saying, 'what's wrong with the World?' 1.0769 0.02588 130 121 8 1
4970 So I said, "You can't keep me spinning around you forever!" and ever since leaving, I'm just so lost. 1.0769 0.03011 117 110 5 2
4971 She turned out to be just another greenwasher 1.0769 0.02588 130 121 8 1
4972 You’re cutting me off?! I’m just getting warmed up here! 1.0769 0.02756 117 109 7 1
4973 I'm telling you, I've never anything land on the moon. 1.0763 0.02569 131 122 8 1
4974 Problems......let me tell ya 1.0763 0.02569 131 122 8 1
4975 I beg you, no more Dark and Stormies! Tobin Wirt, Sandwich, Massachusetts 1.0763 0.02788 131 123 6 2
4976 I'm doomed! Mars refused to trade places. 1.0763 0.02788 131 123 6 2
4977 If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t have a drop to drink. 1.0763 0.02454 118 109 9 0
4978 I've got the weight of the world on my feet. 1.0763 0.02733 118 110 7 1
4979 I'm Mother Earth's youngest kid. 1.0763 0.02733 118 110 7 1
4980 Would you mind cranking up the AC? My ice is melting. 1.0763 0.02733 118 110 7 1
4981 That’s not how you make a Mojito! 1.0763 0.02733 118 110 7 1
4982 No more hurricanes or fireballs-how about just a dark and stormy? 1.0763 0.02733 118 110 7 1
4983 uh, I think someone spilled something in my water 1.0762 0.02602 105 97 8 0
4984 I tell ya, it's tough out there, and in here, and...well, everywhere. And nobody, but you, Charlie, wants to hear anything from me anymore. 1.0756 0.02434 119 110 9 0
4985 Gotta tell you,I’m really depressed 1.0756 0.02711 119 111 7 1
4986 So, the doc said it’s menopause, I’m hot, I’m cold, it never stops.” Marty Orgel Petaluma, CA 1.0756 0.02711 119 111 7 1
4987 I tell ya... the guy couldn't take a yolk. 1.0756 0.02962 119 112 5 2
4988 I mean climate change isn't an 'opinion' it's real boss, it's the most real thing there is. 1.0752 0.02295 133 123 10 0
4989 Where's the can? This climate change has wreaked havoc on my sea levels. 1.0752 0.02531 133 124 8 1
4990 Half full my ass! Joel Styzens, Chicago, IL ? 1.0752 0.02747 133 125 6 2
4991 I have been moving around. Which time zone is your bar in? 1.0752 0.02531 133 124 8 1
4992 Sunny, my therapist, says to fix my problems I need to start thinking outside the orbit. 1.0752 0.02295 133 123 10 0
4993 I wanted this on the rocks, not warm. 1.0750 0.02689 120 112 7 1
4994 Tell Joe Biden that I am flat and still have few beaches for him to hide at instead of pretending to be president. 1.0750 0.02938 120 113 5 2
4995 All the horrible things happening are making my head spin! 1.0750 0.02415 120 111 9 0
4996 Pour me another, Ted, I always wobble on my axis. 1.0750 0.02415 120 111 9 0
4997 Is it too much to ask for just a little respect? 1.0748 0.02879 107 100 6 1
4998 You think you have problems? I'm constantly at war with myself. 1.0748 0.03171 107 101 4 2
4999 If you wait any longer to act you’ll be as bald as me! 1.0746 0.02727 134 126 6 2
5000 On the rocks or with a twist, Your Holiness? I'll spin it your way! 1.0746 0.02727 134 126 6 2
5001 Man they got me messed up calling me “flat”, they just mad they don’t know how to handle all these curves. 1.0746 0.02727 134 126 6 2
5002 Hey god,it me,earth. Remember,you created me seven days ago! 1.0744 0.02395 121 112 9 0
5003 I tell you -- I have had the worst week -- ever! 1.0744 0.02914 121 114 5 2
5004 You got any natural wine? 1.0744 0.02667 121 113 7 1
5005 I'll have a large water, on the rocks, barkeep. Well, make that a double. This one was too short. And keep it coming. 1.0741 0.02262 135 125 10 0
5006 And so I'm like; "Bro, I know, I get it, without you, all life would perish!" Sheesh... 1.0741 0.02853 108 101 6 1
5007 You are gonna fie when you heat this” 1.0741 0.02853 108 101 6 1
5008 Things got so bad that Atlas left me. 1.0741 0.02707 135 127 6 2
5009 Another gin and tonic on the rocks. And why do I want a cool drink, you ask? Have an hour or so? 1.0741 0.02707 135 127 6 2
5010 Doc I've been trying for years, but I just can't keep cool. 1.0741 0.02532 108 100 8 0
5011 I met a nice fella named Jupiter,but he 1.0738 0.02646 122 114 7 1
5012 It’s been rough out there. Whatcha got that’s cooling? 1.0738 0.02376 122 113 9 0
5013 I work every day of the year and what do I get? They say my life is rock and roll. 1.0738 0.02646 122 114 7 1
5014 I haven’t felt right since the 1970s. First I’m freezing to death next I’m running a fever. 1.0734 0.03114 109 103 4 2
5015 I said 'On the rocks', but they sent an asteroid instead! 1.0734 0.02828 109 102 6 1
5016 We must be attending a wine and cheese pawrty. 1.0734 0.03114 109 103 4 2
5017 I swear! WIt’s all true 1.0732 0.02625 123 115 7 1
5018 I can’t afford just to talk about my problems anymore. It’s time for real climate action. Cheers to climate justice! 1.0732 0.02868 123 116 5 2
5019 I feel like I'm just burdened with shoulders. 1.0732 0.02625 123 115 7 1
5020 And those are just my first set of problems! 1.0730 0.02459 137 128 8 1
5021 More ice please? I’m getting quite warm lately. 1.0730 0.02459 137 128 8 1
5022 but queen elizabeth had children 1.0727 0.02803 110 103 6 1
5023 All the King's horses and All the King's Men could nullify the election if Humpy has his way 1.0727 0.03086 110 104 4 2
5024 Have you noticed how hot it is lately ? 1.0727 0.02487 110 102 8 0
5025 OK, I've got a hot one for your! 1.0726 0.02605 124 116 7 1
5026 Sure it's half-full, but half-full of gasoline. 1.0726 0.02339 124 115 9 0
5027 Why is it that so many conspiracy theories float around me? And most come from people who say I am flat! 1.0726 0.02339 124 115 9 0
5028 I tell ya, it's slippin'. New York? Somewhere beneath my right armpit. 1.0726 0.02339 124 115 9 0
5029 So I was like, "Seriously, what on Earth is going on around here." 1.0722 0.02641 97 90 7 0
5030 Yep,global warming is thirty work. 1.0721 0.02466 111 103 8 0
5031 He said his shoulders couldn't take it anymore. 1.0714 0.02304 126 117 9 0
5032 Is the AC on in here? I'm sweltering" 1.0714 0.02304 126 117 9 0
5033 I don't have any ice! 1.0714 0.02444 112 104 8 0
5034 I know I'm 70% water, but a guy needs something stronger every once in a while. 1.0714 0.02801 126 119 5 2
5035 Most likely it's me talking to myself but—it's never a last call. 1.0714 0.03032 112 106 4 2
5036 " Hit me again, Joe, and leave the bottle. 1.0714 0.03032 112 106 4 2
5037 Another glass of water on ?, please. 1.0709 0.02286 127 118 9 0
5038 Why will no public house trust me to open a tab? A few bad health reports and everyone thinks that I'll be dead soon. Joe Ryan 1.0709 0.02545 127 119 7 1
5039 Hey Buddy! Can you boost the AC? 1.0708 0.02730 113 106 6 1
5040 Hey I said I need more ICE! 1.0708 0.02730 113 106 6 1
5041 Ms Moon decided she needed some space so we separated. I swear, the loneliness and stress is making me bi-polar. 1.0708 0.03006 113 107 4 2
5042 Can you turn on the AC please? Im getting kinda warm 1.0708 0.03006 113 107 4 2
5043 I avoid public bathrooms because everyone thinks I’m a urinal. 1.0708 0.02730 113 106 6 1
5044 I heard about this called “Go-Fund Me”, do you think it’ll work for me? Plus can I get another round? 1.0703 0.02525 128 120 7 1
5045 Buddy, can you spare a dime 1.0703 0.02758 128 121 5 2
5046 She complained I only had one moon and I looked too worldly. You can't please anyone these days. 1.0702 0.02707 114 107 6 1
5047 I ‘ve had bad news all week, Tony 1.0702 0.02403 114 106 8 0
5048 Oh man Oman. Nothing changed. All the same! 1.0702 0.02403 114 106 8 0
5049 Oh don't even get me started with the global warming, do you know how many I've been through. 1.0700 0.02932 100 94 5 1
5050 Father, I know you have the promise of everlasting life but, for me, this is it! 1.0699 0.02559 143 135 6 2
5051 Hey, youse! Youse over there, barkeep! I need me another vodka stinger. I’m the fuckin’ planet Earth. I’m Earth and I’m getting fucked up in this goddamn son of a bitch, you hear me? Now—pour, you little bitch! Pour. 1.0694 0.02126 144 134 10 0
5052 And have your bought a new car battery lately? I remember when you used to be able to buy a top of the line die hard for $79.99. 1.0693 0.02904 101 95 5 1
5053 İ am afraid i will become a looser. 1.0692 0.02488 130 122 7 1
5054 I'm so tired of keeping Venus and Mars apart. I mean who needs more asteroids? 1.0692 0.02235 130 121 9 0
5055 I'm actually rooting for Putin. 1.0690 0.02363 116 108 8 0
5056 Do you have any global coolers? 1.0690 0.02661 116 109 6 1
5057 I need help getting the weight of the world off my shoulders. 1.0690 0.02929 116 110 4 2
5058 My baby done left me, and that's OK, but she took my dog and my truck. 1.0687 0.02469 131 123 7 1
5059 I told her I’m short and two-toned, she told me she was string bean tall. I didn’t realize how tall she’d be, but I don’t care. I’m in love, I tell ya. I’m in love! 1.0682 0.02676 132 125 5 2
5060 I was her oyster,until she was beguiled by the sea star. 1.0678 0.02617 118 111 6 1
5061 Why can't you get it Right for a Change? 1.0678 0.02324 118 110 8 0
5062 Can’t you see I’m sweating? Why are you cutting me off? 1.0678 0.02324 118 110 8 0
5063 Please tell me how do I get off this planet. 1.0677 0.02433 133 125 7 1
5064 I'd love to see more of her, but she just won't budge. 1.0673 0.02822 104 98 5 1
5065 You wouldn't believe the hot flashes I've been feeling now. 1.0673 0.02469 104 97 7 0
5066 I think your a little too big for me. 1.0672 0.02596 119 112 6 1
5067 Things were fine until Atlas got a cramp 1.0672 0.02305 119 111 8 0
5068 My titan left me and I feel so unsupported. 1.0672 0.02857 119 113 4 2
5069 The guy just sat there, his face filled with despair, his voice frail and hollow, and he asks me… ‘Just what kind of a world is this anyways?’ 1.0672 0.02415 134 126 7 1
5070 Lets just say there are consequences to winning the grand prize at this Globalization conference 1.0672 0.02637 134 127 5 2
5071 My egg-nog recipe is the greatest 1.0667 0.02287 120 112 8 0
5072 Just one more please… The moon is in retrograde and they’re driving me crazy! 1.0667 0.02795 105 99 5 1
5073 Y'know, Harry, bartenders just ain't the same as they used to be." 1.0667 0.02834 120 114 4 2
5074 You would not believe how much catastrophe I can create if those humans don't stop polluting my air! 1.0667 0.02575 120 113 6 1
5075 Yea, I’m sick of all of ya! 1.0667 0.02834 120 114 4 2
5076 Hy, pal, would you mind blasting the AC in here? Maybe it's just me, but I feel like I'm burning up everywhere I go. 1.0667 0.02834 120 114 4 2
5077 Father, lemme ask you... Do you ever have those days when you hear and feel really bad rumblings going on and you could swear that you're going to implode? Well, lately I've felt that rumbling going on everywhere. Can you say a prayer for me? 1.0667 0.02618 135 128 5 2
5078 I really miss my baby brother Pluto 1.0667 0.02834 120 114 4 2
5079 Stop me next time before I say "All the drinks on me". 1.0667 0.02287 120 112 8 0
5080 You can’t cut me off! 1.0661 0.02554 121 114 6 1
5081 Something REALLY refreshing, please! 1.0661 0.02268 121 113 8 0
5082 I'm Humpty Dumpty's twin brother, had too much to drink and about to fall. Save me! 1.0661 0.02554 121 114 6 1
5083 Then she says, what happened to you, you used to be good looking. 1.0656 0.02250 122 114 8 0
5084 Their trying to kill me! 1.0656 0.02788 122 116 4 2
5085 Hey Joe, Can you just leave the bottle 1.0654 0.02402 107 100 7 0
5086 So I go out on a date with her, and she says, “you look like you’re overheating!” -Lucy Hine, Leland, M 1.0654 0.02744 107 101 5 1
5087 So I end up screaming, "I'm not flat! Open your eyes!" And the crazy broad laughs, walks away like she knows something. 1.0650 0.02233 123 115 8 0
5088 'It's really getting too much... every day, another crisis...' 1.0648 0.02719 108 102 5 1
5089 I hear ya earth, but that water was before inflation. 1.0645 0.02215 124 116 8 0
5090 If only I could get travel points for my business trips. 1.0645 0.02494 124 117 6 1
5091 Sorry to bug you, but could I get an Old Fashioned on the rocks? 1.0645 0.02215 124 116 8 0
5092 Keep 'em coming! 1.0642 0.02695 109 103 5 1
5093 These people are @#&%in crazy. I can't take it any more! 1.0642 0.02994 109 104 3 2
5094 So, when I told my doctor I wanted to talk about ‘the hurts of the world’, he just scratched his head. 1.0642 0.02359 109 102 7 0
5095 I’d take a blue moon but I don’t have any 1.0640 0.02198 125 117 8 0
5096 Even Father Time gets excused from hosting everyone's world of pain. 1.0640 0.02474 125 118 6 1
5097 The hot flashes just keep getting worse! 1.0636 0.02671 110 104 5 1
5098 She left me because she said that she didn't want the whole world on her shoulders 1.0634 0.02052 142 133 9 0
5099 Bartender: "For once in my life, I have no words." 1.0631 0.02318 111 104 7 0
5100 I feel like the whole world is against me. But you are the whole world. Yeah. Sucks. 1.0631 0.02318 111 104 7 0
5101 Garcon; better bring the bottle. My boyfriend Humpty Dumpty and I have drifted apart and I am lost in an endless ocean. 1.0631 0.02318 111 104 7 0
5102 Do you ask all your customers to bring their own plates? 1.0631 0.02318 111 104 7 0
5103 Man, I miss my sun. 1.0630 0.02680 127 121 4 2
5104 Hey can you turn up the AC, I’m meltin over here! 1.0625 0.02148 128 120 8 0
5105 ...and so, when all the King's men put me back together again, that's how I wound up looking like a global map. 1.0625 0.02148 128 120 8 0
5106 Lend me your ears and I’ll sing you a song. Okay I’ll tell you another one. Hey, if my wife calls tell her I’m not ear. Ha ha. 1.0620 0.02132 129 121 8 0
5107 I do not look like Charlie Brown. 1.0619 0.02278 113 106 7 0
5108 Can you make it a double? My ice melted too quickly. 1.0619 0.02602 113 107 5 1
5109 Do they know how crushes work? 1.0619 0.02278 113 106 7 0
5110 Hey, it is the earth. May I please get some RICE? (Rest, ice, compression and elevation.) 1.0615 0.02116 130 122 8 0
5111 Even a double won’t help 1.0614 0.02258 114 107 7 0
5112 Hand to God. The work I had done was just reconstructive. 1.0611 0.02100 131 123 8 0
5113 Yup. I'm stopping the world and I want to get off. 1.0609 0.02557 115 109 5 1
5114 It is rare to see such well behaved water - I am getting tired of floods, droughts, sea level rise and what not! 1.0609 0.02557 115 109 5 1
5115 All this guy does is whine about how everybody in high school used to call him pizzaface. He needs to get over it already. 1.0606 0.02581 132 126 4 2
5116 I tried to live with her,but she just keeps trying to change me. 1.0606 0.02410 99 93 6 0
5117 What do you mean I've had enough? 1.0603 0.02221 116 109 7 0
5118 No fireball this time. Let’s alternate with something that helps me drown my sorrows. 1.0603 0.02221 116 109 7 0
5119 The whole world needs a Happy Drink! 1.0603 0.02536 116 110 5 1
5120 I am home away from the solar system and it is very hot out there. Give me a cold one" 1.0603 0.02221 116 109 7 0
5121 Make it a double - shot of REPURPOSED WATER!!! 1.0602 0.02329 133 126 6 1
5122 Every time I turn around someone's asking 'What's wrong with the world?' How do you think I feel? 1.0598 0.02202 117 110 7 0
5123 Are you kidding me? I'd give anything to have the weight of a bartender on my shoulders! 1.0598 0.02515 117 111 5 1
5124 Hello? A little service here? Jeez, what am I, a potted planet? 1.0598 0.02202 117 110 7 0
5125 Sometimes I just get the feeling that half the people in my inner circle don't respect me, ya know? 1.0597 0.02054 134 126 8 0
5126 So then I said, 'Hey, I'm SO much more than just a weight on your shoulders'! 1.0593 0.02494 118 112 5 1
5127 No Chuck, I have NOT seen my anus nor yours for that matter. 1.0593 0.02184 118 111 7 0
5128 And they all left me for another planet. 1.0593 0.02494 118 112 5 1
5129 My hair & rear end are on fire. I also have dry skin in funny places and I'm hot all over! The Moon says 'get over it, just look at me!'! Worse yet all Mother Nature mumbles, don' worry 'I'll get 'em back!'" But what about me! 1.0593 0.02295 135 128 6 1
5130 Gimme a extra cold one Al, I feel like I'm burning up lately! 1.0588 0.02473 119 113 5 1
5131 What can I do? They keep dumping radio active waste in my oceans & Scotch helps the pain. 1.0588 0.02025 136 128 8 0
5132 I have a fever, I cough, I shiver, I sweat excessively and excrete but nothing helps. 1.0588 0.02746 119 114 3 2
5133 Could you please make the next one a double? I'm dealing with global warming over here! 1.0583 0.02453 120 114 5 1
5134 My hair used to be like yours. Unfortunately it started covering Russia. 1.0574 0.02114 122 115 7 0
5135 You know, this drink is making me feel funny." "I roofed it." "Why would you openly admit to something so heinous?" "Because you have other things to worry about." "Like what?" "Well, some are saying you got shots, you were flat a few centuries ago 1.0569 0.02658 123 118 3 2
5136 I am sorry. I do NOT KNOW GEOGRAPHY, do not know your continent or where you might get a cab. 1.0569 0.02658 123 118 3 2
5137 I do NOT want another shot of Fireball. Look at me! 1.0560 0.02357 125 119 5 1
5138 Is it wrong if me to wish my arms were longer so i could reach my whole world and scratch a country when it itches? 1.0556 0.02214 108 102 6 0
5139 Is it a sign of the end times that I just witnessed two Irishman leaving this establishment? 1.0551 0.02320 127 121 5 1
5140 I want bottled, filtered distilled water, please! 1.0551 0.02575 127 122 3 2
5141 Big guy. Enormous shoulders. Seen him 1.0545 0.02175 110 104 6 0
5142 And Venus left me, and the rest of planets want to impeach me, and I am running a fever and can't get health care coverage; I'd have to sue humanity for damages. 1.0541 0.02507 111 106 4 1
5143 I've Had It Up to Here 1.0541 0.02156 111 105 6 0
5144 I flew all the way to Amsterdam, and I can’t find the famous Subduction Zone … 1.0541 0.02097 148 141 6 1
5145 Freshen it, fast! The ice is melting! 1.0538 0.01987 130 123 7 0
5146 Hold the ice!! 1.0538 0.02268 130 124 5 1
5147 Do you have any non-carbonated drinks? 1.0534 0.01972 131 124 7 0
5148 A familiar stranger 1.0534 0.01972 131 124 7 0
5149 My God! Who told you that you could make a "Water and Water"? This is disgusting! 1.0522 0.01929 134 127 7 0
5150 Honestly, I don't know what's going on with me lately. I really needed this drink. 1.0519 0.01915 135 128 7 0
5151 Pray for me, Father, for I have sinned! 1.0517 0.02401 116 111 4 1
5152 ...and then they poured oil all over me, and turned on the heat lamp, and I couldn't breath the air, and... 1.0517 0.02401 116 111 4 1
5153 They really think I care about their own self destruction! Like why are they so obsessed with what I think of them? I couldn’t care less about horses if I tried. 1.0517 0.02695 116 112 2 2
5154 Just get me something with ice, I'm burning up." 1.0515 0.02169 136 130 5 1
5155 Can I get some ice for my water? 1.0513 0.02048 117 111 6 0
5156 Tell me again how it all ended for Mars? 1.0508 0.02031 118 112 6 0
5157 Bye, bye Mr. Priest. I thought I was in your orbit, but I that is not longer true. 1.0508 0.02031 118 112 6 0
5158 Hey Mr Hooper from Sesame Street, how about another booze for world peace? 1.0508 0.02361 118 113 4 1
5159 All I want to do is escape this world with a quiet drink in nice bar. 1.0505 0.02637 99 95 3 1
5160 For the remainder of this night, geocentrism is reality. 1.0504 0.02341 119 114 4 1
5161 Shcuse me bartender, I'm gonna need shomethin' shtronger. 1.0504 0.02014 119 113 6 0
5162 If I'd known they were gonna treat me like this....I'd have disowned them long ago!! 1.0500 0.01998 120 114 6 0
5163 So I said to God, why does my eye Look like this? It’s ridiculous!! 1.0500 0.01998 120 114 6 0
5164 Any opportunities for a retiring planet? 1.0490 0.02148 102 97 5 0
5165 The last thing I need is another glass of water! 1.0490 0.02065 143 137 5 1
5166 Where's the can? I feel like my eyeballs are floating. 1.0488 0.01950 123 117 6 0
5167 And the migrants are invading the neighborhood. Take Oumuamua... 1.0484 0.02248 124 119 4 1
5168 They say size doesn't matter, but at least Pluto got away with it. 1.0484 0.01935 124 118 6 0
5169 The goddamn oil spills are putting a kink in my shorts. 1.0480 0.01920 125 119 6 0
5170 I’m so tired of people always fighting over pieces of me. 1.0476 0.02088 105 100 5 0
5171 I thought change is supposed to be a good thing! 1.0459 0.02398 109 105 3 1
5172 Is it just me, or is everything not spinning 1.0455 0.01995 110 105 5 0
5173 when the world has problems 1.0455 0.02114 132 127 4 1
5174 What I really need is a world liter. 1.0455 0.01995 110 105 5 0
5175 Now it's Planet B this, Planet B that . .Sometimes I feel like Both Poles must be melting !! 1.0451 0.02098 133 128 4 1
5176 The tell me it’s not the heat - it’s the humidity… 1.0446 0.02335 112 108 3 1
5177 I need an ocean of water and two continents of ice, PLEASE! Oh, and turn down all the smoke and heat! 1.0442 0.02634 113 110 1 2
5178 The Greta Thunberg-a-rita? Surprisingly, not that sour. 1.0442 0.01943 113 108 5 0
5179 Dude, I've had a hell of a day bartender! We just lost Pluto, who's next Mickey or Goofy? - Quinn Juhlin 1.0427 0.01878 117 112 5 0
5180 So long its been nice to know ya 1.0424 0.01862 118 113 5 0
5181 So then I told her SHE was all wet and we haven't spoken since. 1.0424 0.01862 118 113 5 0
5182 Um,hello? I have been waiting for 4.543 billion years for you to take my order!” 1.0420 0.01847 119 114 5 0
5183 are you telling me i'm made of 90% water? 1.0408 0.02009 98 94 4 0
5184 Atlas shrugged me off, Elon picked me up at SpaceX. Now he wants a kid. 1.0404 0.01989 99 95 4 0
5185 Hey Bud. I appreciate the offer of your best “single-malt rocks”. But I’m stressed out about sustaining life on the planet - so a “splash of water” on the side - just not gonna cut it. 1.0397 0.02078 126 122 3 1
5186 Is it too much to ask for a little respect ? !! 1.0331 0.01632 121 117 4 0
5187 Nah, I'm not much of a drinker: those hollow earth rumors aren't true. 1.0294 0.01681 102 99 3 0
5188 Has Anyone Who Looks Like Me Been Here Recently? 1.0241 0.02410 83 82 0 1
5189 Good morning,. Prime mover ( wire-Puller)what's news.. 1.0231 0.01322 130 127 3 0