Rank |
Caption |
Mean |
Precision |
Total votes |
"Unfunny" votes |
"Somewhat funny" votes |
"Funny" votes |
0 |
Yeah, that was me. I have greenhouse gas. |
1.8284 |
0.01927 |
1900 |
861 |
504 |
535 |
1 |
Thirty years ago I was way cooler. |
1.7875 |
0.01727 |
2193 |
999 |
661 |
533 |
2 |
Is the whole room spinning or is it just me? |
1.7767 |
0.01939 |
1742 |
808 |
515 |
419 |
3 |
Have 8 billion kids”, they said. “They’ll look after you in your old age”, they said |
1.7404 |
0.02452 |
1090 |
535 |
303 |
252 |
4 |
She used to think I was the center of the universe. |
1.6992 |
0.01579 |
2400 |
1187 |
748 |
465 |
5 |
I've been taking a lot of heat lately. |
1.6887 |
0.01630 |
2165 |
1064 |
711 |
390 |
6 |
I could use a little more ice |
1.6852 |
0.01894 |
1639 |
821 |
513 |
305 |
7 |
I just found out I'm bipolar. |
1.6816 |
0.01690 |
2249 |
1194 |
577 |
478 |
8 |
It just feels like I’ve been going in circles for years. |
1.6766 |
0.01488 |
2721 |
1402 |
797 |
522 |
9 |
Look, pal — I know when something is seventy percent water. |
1.6722 |
0.01251 |
4246 |
2334 |
970 |
942 |
10 |
It’s mostly water weight. |
1.6708 |
0.00912 |
8136 |
4531 |
1752 |
1853 |
11 |
...and I'm constantly being mooned! |
1.6593 |
0.01882 |
1761 |
951 |
459 |
351 |
12 |
I remember the day that Mars said “You’ll regret being habitable” |
1.6517 |
0.01569 |
2575 |
1421 |
630 |
524 |
13 |
Before Copernicus I was at the center of it all |
1.6476 |
0.01531 |
2514 |
1340 |
720 |
454 |
14 |
Could I get some more ice? |
1.6399 |
0.01472 |
2630 |
1393 |
791 |
446 |
15 |
It's five o'clock somewhere. |
1.6378 |
0.01257 |
4133 |
2368 |
894 |
871 |
16 |
Everything I drink goes to my equator.” |
1.6368 |
0.00935 |
7410 |
4233 |
1635 |
1542 |
17 |
And then the Sun says to me, “Actually your life does revolve around me.” |
1.6253 |
0.01759 |
1935 |
1077 |
506 |
352 |
18 |
So I say to the guy, “YOU try having Florida stuck to your ass all day.” |
1.6221 |
0.01748 |
2048 |
1174 |
474 |
400 |
19 |
I think I’m bipolar. |
1.6198 |
0.01346 |
3382 |
1923 |
822 |
637 |
20 |
For just once, I’d like it if things didn’t revolve around me |
1.6125 |
0.02237 |
1107 |
604 |
328 |
175 |
21 |
I turn around and the day is gone. |
1.6116 |
0.01093 |
5080 |
2910 |
1233 |
937 |
22 |
Did I mention that I'm bipolar? |
1.6056 |
0.01138 |
4653 |
2681 |
1126 |
846 |
23 |
One more round and I'll call it a day. |
1.6048 |
0.01077 |
5291 |
3082 |
1218 |
991 |
24 |
Oh yeah, well I said it was "Last Call" 20 years ago & no one listened to me! |
1.6043 |
0.01811 |
1731 |
969 |
478 |
284 |
25 |
I'll take another hurricane. |
1.6025 |
0.01653 |
2035 |
1131 |
582 |
322 |
26 |
Excuse me, but there's plastic in my water. |
1.5901 |
0.01599 |
2203 |
1257 |
592 |
354 |
27 |
I have to watch what I drink—I’m bipolar. |
1.5865 |
0.01371 |
3139 |
1843 |
751 |
545 |
28 |
The drinks are good but there’s no atmosphere. |
1.5811 |
0.01630 |
1986 |
1114 |
590 |
282 |
29 |
I miss the old atmosphere." |
1.5755 |
0.01644 |
2033 |
1173 |
550 |
310 |
30 |
She left me for someone cooler. |
1.5715 |
0.01488 |
2399 |
1371 |
685 |
343 |
31 |
So what if I’m in the perfect position to harbor life? Maybe I wanted a career. |
1.5686 |
0.01725 |
1880 |
1106 |
479 |
295 |
32 |
I just discovered I'm bipolar. |
1.5675 |
0.01224 |
3884 |
2334 |
896 |
654 |
33 |
I’ll take a frozen ANYTHING! |
1.5671 |
0.01568 |
2183 |
1265 |
599 |
319 |
34 |
I think I’ll call it a night. |
1.5652 |
0.01673 |
1824 |
1034 |
549 |
241 |
35 |
My problems started when I gave Saturn a ring. |
1.5633 |
0.01312 |
3185 |
1872 |
832 |
481 |
36 |
I just found out that I’m bipolar |
1.5620 |
0.01190 |
4142 |
2519 |
918 |
705 |
37 |
If you’ve got the tequila, I’ve got the sunrise. |
1.5523 |
0.01515 |
2457 |
1489 |
579 |
389 |
38 |
In about a minute you'll have the world at your feet. |
1.5521 |
0.01465 |
2704 |
1661 |
593 |
450 |
39 |
Venus is beautiful but extremely toxic. We haven't been together since the birth of our sun. |
1.5441 |
0.01689 |
1849 |
1101 |
490 |
258 |
40 |
When I dry out, they complain about the droughts. When I drink, they complain about the floods. You can't win with these people! |
1.5348 |
0.01615 |
1881 |
1102 |
552 |
227 |
41 |
Another double please, I’m having a global crisis over here! |
1.5322 |
0.01644 |
1845 |
1093 |
522 |
230 |
42 |
No, you’re the one spinning. |
1.5311 |
0.01759 |
1798 |
1119 |
403 |
276 |
43 |
Can you turn on the A/C? |
1.5252 |
0.01634 |
1786 |
1051 |
532 |
203 |
44 |
A hot planet walks into a bar and no one seems to care. Get it? |
1.5185 |
0.01571 |
1996 |
1203 |
551 |
242 |
45 |
So then, I turned around and caught them together—the light of my life and the freaking moon. |
1.5149 |
0.01685 |
1816 |
1122 |
453 |
241 |
46 |
The trouble is that this place ain't got no atmosphere. |
1.5118 |
0.01562 |
1944 |
1167 |
559 |
218 |
47 |
Everything’s on me. |
1.5114 |
0.01388 |
3019 |
1975 |
544 |
500 |
48 |
Turns out I'm bipolar. |
1.5083 |
0.01384 |
2835 |
1809 |
611 |
415 |
49 |
I really miss the dinosaurs. |
1.5034 |
0.01631 |
1778 |
1081 |
499 |
198 |
50 |
Give me another one. My doctor just told me I don't have long to live! |
1.5025 |
0.01667 |
1773 |
1097 |
461 |
215 |
51 |
Lenny, you ever wake up one day and realize you're just not as cool as you were 100 years ago? |
1.4996 |
0.01529 |
2396 |
1570 |
455 |
371 |
52 |
How does it feel to be the world’s favorite bartender? |
1.4964 |
0.01499 |
2343 |
1504 |
515 |
324 |
53 |
Is it getting warmer in here, or is it just me? |
1.4961 |
0.01511 |
2310 |
1484 |
506 |
320 |
54 |
I used to be a lot cooler. |
1.4957 |
0.01423 |
2191 |
1317 |
662 |
212 |
55 |
It's 5 o'clock somewhere. |
1.4910 |
0.01681 |
2118 |
1447 |
302 |
369 |
56 |
My sun thinks the world revolves around him. |
1.4895 |
0.01563 |
2090 |
1339 |
479 |
272 |
57 |
Do you accept carbon credits? |
1.4892 |
0.02829 |
646 |
416 |
144 |
86 |
58 |
I was cool with moonogamy until I met Jupiter. |
1.4891 |
0.01722 |
2116 |
1480 |
237 |
399 |
59 |
I finally got diagnosed. Turns out I'm bipolar. |
1.4809 |
0.01752 |
1730 |
1141 |
346 |
243 |
60 |
I don’t want another Manhattan. |
1.4795 |
0.01799 |
1656 |
1099 |
320 |
237 |
61 |
I never wanted to be a planet. I wanted to be a star. |
1.4782 |
0.01767 |
1650 |
1080 |
351 |
219 |
62 |
Everyone just walks all over me. |
1.4780 |
0.01572 |
1707 |
1038 |
522 |
147 |
63 |
I look in the mirror and suddenly I'm 4.5 billion years old. And what have I done with my life? |
1.4748 |
0.01812 |
1548 |
1013 |
335 |
200 |
64 |
My wife thinks I'm at the planetarium. |
1.4741 |
0.01846 |
1563 |
1043 |
299 |
221 |
65 |
Work's been crazy - I've been on a non-stop rotation 24/7! |
1.4714 |
0.01820 |
1523 |
999 |
330 |
194 |
66 |
Have you got anything that will stop the spinning? |
1.4708 |
0.01828 |
1506 |
988 |
327 |
191 |
67 |
Tomorrow I'll be right back where I started. |
1.4706 |
0.01824 |
1464 |
949 |
341 |
174 |
68 |
What I need now is love, sweet love. |
1.4689 |
0.02471 |
836 |
553 |
174 |
109 |
69 |
OK, I'll put in in your language: The temperature of "room temperature" beer is getting too warm even for the Brits. |
1.4647 |
0.02062 |
1134 |
739 |
263 |
132 |
70 |
Don't judge me. I know for a fact it's five o'clock somewhere. |
1.4627 |
0.02010 |
1273 |
853 |
251 |
169 |
71 |
It isn't the heat, it's the stupidity. |
1.4613 |
0.01954 |
1292 |
854 |
280 |
158 |
72 |
Can I get more ice? Mine melted. |
1.4610 |
0.01886 |
1423 |
950 |
290 |
183 |
73 |
If Venus calls, I’m not here. |
1.4587 |
0.01842 |
1393 |
910 |
327 |
156 |
74 |
They say the earth's getting hotter, but I'm still single. |
1.4582 |
0.01957 |
1281 |
849 |
277 |
155 |
75 |
I'm running low on ice. |
1.4574 |
0.01886 |
1220 |
775 |
332 |
113 |
76 |
Last call? Why, yes. Yes it is. |
1.4560 |
0.01927 |
1296 |
856 |
289 |
151 |
77 |
I feel I’m always half in the dark! |
1.4556 |
0.01945 |
1238 |
810 |
292 |
136 |
78 |
Yeah, I'm new here. What did the Old World order? |
1.4481 |
0.02145 |
1011 |
668 |
233 |
110 |
79 |
What a millennium I'm having. |
1.4477 |
0.01974 |
1108 |
714 |
292 |
102 |
80 |
People walk all over me. |
1.4451 |
0.01883 |
1056 |
653 |
336 |
67 |
81 |
I’ve got to cut back, one day I’m drowning Burning Man, and the next I’m frying Phoenix. |
1.4423 |
0.02103 |
979 |
637 |
251 |
91 |
82 |
It’s 5:00 somewhere. |
1.4400 |
0.02201 |
975 |
656 |
209 |
110 |
83 |
Is the room spinning or is it me? |
1.4396 |
0.02143 |
969 |
639 |
234 |
96 |
84 |
I need more ice. |
1.4394 |
0.02121 |
1040 |
698 |
227 |
115 |
85 |
I'll take whatever stops the spinning. |
1.4390 |
0.02009 |
1073 |
702 |
271 |
100 |
86 |
She said, ‘It’s like we’re from different planets,’ and just walked out. |
1.4389 |
0.02128 |
1064 |
722 |
217 |
125 |
87 |
Hey, uh, Frank, can I get a bit more ice? |
1.4385 |
0.02153 |
1033 |
700 |
213 |
120 |
88 |
I stopped drinking and then this climate change thing came up. |
1.4383 |
0.02164 |
956 |
633 |
227 |
96 |
89 |
The sun? Ugh, that guy thinks everything revolves around him. |
1.4371 |
0.02178 |
986 |
664 |
213 |
109 |
90 |
Yes, I’m round!
Why is that so hard to believe? |
1.4366 |
0.02153 |
962 |
638 |
228 |
96 |
91 |
I've only been carded once, at a Creationism mixer. |
1.4357 |
0.02294 |
902 |
612 |
187 |
103 |
92 |
The flat-earthers called me fat! |
1.4354 |
0.02205 |
937 |
627 |
212 |
98 |
93 |
Aw, I’m already polluted. |
1.4344 |
0.02207 |
914 |
608 |
215 |
91 |
94 |
They refuse to acknowledge my preference and keep calling me mother. |
1.4343 |
0.02293 |
944 |
652 |
174 |
118 |
95 |
Anything but oil. |
1.4337 |
0.02187 |
913 |
604 |
222 |
87 |
96 |
And then he shrugged and here I am. |
1.4331 |
0.02363 |
875 |
602 |
167 |
106 |
97 |
I’m already 70% water...more scotch, please |
1.4324 |
0.02266 |
939 |
644 |
184 |
111 |
98 |
You’re the biggest bartender I’ve ever seen! |
1.4316 |
0.02337 |
862 |
587 |
178 |
97 |
99 |
Aw, c’mon, it’s 5:00 o’clock somewhere. |
1.4314 |
0.02313 |
911 |
628 |
173 |
110 |
100 |
Global warming can make a guy very thirsty. |
1.4313 |
0.02277 |
881 |
594 |
194 |
93 |
101 |
You're out of ice too? |
1.4310 |
0.02369 |
877 |
607 |
162 |
108 |
102 |
I don't even know where to start. I have about 7 billion problems... |
1.4297 |
0.02174 |
975 |
661 |
209 |
105 |
103 |
You ever think about where you'll be in five years? |
1.4287 |
0.02246 |
863 |
575 |
206 |
82 |
104 |
I don't care what she's told you -- we're done. I'm over the moon. |
1.4269 |
0.02276 |
869 |
587 |
193 |
89 |
105 |
I'll have another one...I give up...i've given them all the signs of climate change and they just want Hunter Biden's laptop. |
1.4261 |
0.02517 |
819 |
582 |
125 |
112 |
106 |
Oh so thirsty, 96.5% ocean and not a drop to drink |
1.4255 |
0.02242 |
832 |
550 |
210 |
72 |
107 |
...and then there's "PLATE TECHTONICS" |
1.4248 |
0.02319 |
831 |
562 |
185 |
84 |
108 |
I had it all. And then out of nowhere...daylight savings. |
1.4248 |
0.02255 |
864 |
581 |
199 |
84 |
109 |
I think global, but I drink local. |
1.4242 |
0.02422 |
759 |
513 |
170 |
76 |
110 |
No more for me--it feels like my head is spinning out of control. |
1.4242 |
0.02326 |
745 |
488 |
198 |
59 |
111 |
Do you have some aspirin? I'm feeling unusually warm. |
1.4237 |
0.02233 |
819 |
539 |
213 |
67 |
112 |
Didn’t I have an ice cap when I came in? |
1.4234 |
0.02391 |
803 |
549 |
168 |
86 |
113 |
I really need to cool off. |
1.4234 |
0.02240 |
829 |
549 |
209 |
71 |
114 |
To be a caption voter ‘influencer’, you need to name your weekly podcast something along the line of — ‘The New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest Podcast’. (Like Beth Lawler and Paul Nesja did.) |
1.4221 |
0.02683 |
860 |
658 |
41 |
161 |
115 |
Paul Nesja and Beth Lawler should NOT be permitted to submit captions that they promote on their — 'New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest Podcast' (which is followed by — and guested by — those who are affiliated with the magazine and the contest)." |
1.4221 |
0.02731 |
815 |
619 |
48 |
148 |
116 |
Oh, come on! It's five o'clock somewhere |
1.4214 |
0.02310 |
871 |
600 |
175 |
96 |
117 |
Another ice water double…and keep ‘em coming! |
1.4207 |
0.02303 |
832 |
564 |
186 |
82 |
118 |
I mean, come on, do I look flat to you? |
1.4203 |
0.02377 |
778 |
527 |
175 |
76 |
119 |
I seem to be getting these hot flashes all the time. |
1.4195 |
0.02395 |
770 |
523 |
171 |
76 |
120 |
I guess I'm just not good with people. |
1.4190 |
0.02439 |
809 |
566 |
147 |
96 |
121 |
And I'm like, can't I have a dark side, too?" |
1.4185 |
0.02347 |
798 |
542 |
178 |
78 |
122 |
You mean we're BOTH out of ice? |
1.4185 |
0.02321 |
810 |
549 |
183 |
78 |
123 |
Caption contest finalists — Paul Nesja and Beth Lawler have their own podcast; whereon, they inform their loyal listeners of their weekly entries; as well as point out to them, the awfulness of the two captions that they ultimately compete against. |
1.4180 |
0.02683 |
835 |
635 |
51 |
149 |
124 |
Believe it or not, there was a time when I was incontinent. |
1.4179 |
0.02434 |
737 |
500 |
166 |
71 |
125 |
I don’t want to get bombed. |
1.4169 |
0.02400 |
818 |
570 |
155 |
93 |
126 |
I just get this feeling I'm going in circles. |
1.4168 |
0.02386 |
751 |
507 |
175 |
69 |
127 |
I woulda given her the world! |
1.4159 |
0.02301 |
803 |
542 |
188 |
73 |
128 |
I've come to realize that everything doesn't revolve around me. |
1.4153 |
0.02375 |
732 |
490 |
180 |
62 |
129 |
I don't care how it sounds. I miss the Covid-19 lockdown. |
1.4147 |
0.02528 |
680 |
463 |
152 |
65 |
130 |
I only drink bottled water. |
1.4146 |
0.02344 |
779 |
528 |
179 |
72 |
131 |
The kids are right. I'm just not as cool as I used to be. |
1.4139 |
0.02447 |
674 |
449 |
171 |
54 |
132 |
Could use a little more ice please. |
1.4133 |
0.02323 |
830 |
572 |
173 |
85 |
133 |
Cut me off if the room stops spinning. |
1.4127 |
0.02426 |
773 |
536 |
155 |
82 |
134 |
So the doc says, "I got bad news for ya, you've got HUMANS". |
1.4126 |
0.02447 |
761 |
528 |
152 |
81 |
135 |
I'm sweating all the time and no one believes me. |
1.4113 |
0.02454 |
688 |
464 |
165 |
59 |
136 |
Just give me something that will help me forget the hot flashes |
1.4113 |
0.02282 |
834 |
571 |
183 |
80 |
137 |
And then, he just shrugged. |
1.4086 |
0.02747 |
629 |
445 |
111 |
73 |
138 |
All this melted ice is making me incontinent. |
1.4084 |
0.02542 |
742 |
527 |
127 |
88 |
139 |
“It’s 5 o’clock somewhere, Jimmy.” |
1.4076 |
0.02564 |
763 |
551 |
113 |
99 |
140 |
I’m telling you Bob, these people are killing me. |
1.4069 |
0.02614 |
698 |
496 |
120 |
82 |
141 |
So I says to him: seven days? You kidding? |
1.4036 |
0.02642 |
659 |
465 |
122 |
72 |
142 |
People are always complaining, ‘What’s wrong with the world these days?!’ It starts to get to you. |
1.4035 |
0.02609 |
679 |
480 |
124 |
75 |
143 |
She said I was flat! Do I look flat to you? |
1.4034 |
0.02573 |
652 |
451 |
139 |
62 |
144 |
My equator says to close out the tab, but my polar cap is saying vodka and make it a double. |
1.4024 |
0.02542 |
656 |
452 |
144 |
60 |
145 |
So I says to him I says, "Pluto! You are not a planet!" But does he listen? |
1.4006 |
0.02640 |
659 |
467 |
120 |
72 |
146 |
My wife complains I’m fat but it’s mostly water weight. |
1.4000 |
0.02528 |
705 |
497 |
134 |
74 |
147 |
Let me apologize in advance. I just passed some greenhouse gas. |
1.4000 |
0.02758 |
595 |
420 |
112 |
63 |
148 |
Now she's complaining I'm TOO hot! |
1.3985 |
0.02497 |
665 |
458 |
149 |
58 |
149 |
And then she says, 'Quit acting like everything revolves around you.' |
1.3981 |
0.02529 |
643 |
442 |
146 |
55 |
150 |
I've got stage 4 humans |
1.3980 |
0.02720 |
603 |
425 |
116 |
62 |
151 |
I don’t know, Mac. Maybe it’s “the change” but I feel hot all the time these days. |
1.3979 |
0.02566 |
666 |
467 |
133 |
66 |
152 |
I feel like I'm just constantly going around in circles. |
1.3974 |
0.02444 |
682 |
468 |
157 |
57 |
153 |
Can I get some ice? |
1.3971 |
0.02431 |
680 |
465 |
160 |
55 |
154 |
At least when you shout “Last call” they take you seriously. |
1.3967 |
0.02772 |
605 |
433 |
104 |
68 |
155 |
I used to be cool! |
1.3951 |
0.02504 |
648 |
446 |
148 |
54 |
156 |
Life was better during the Paleozoic. |
1.3946 |
0.02654 |
626 |
442 |
121 |
63 |
157 |
How to be a caption finalist: A) Have a weekly podcast (to promote your captions); and, B) Submit each caption, several times (using different email addresses); so that voters won’t have to wade through thousands of entries, to get to your caption. |
1.3944 |
0.03058 |
606 |
466 |
41 |
99 |
158 |
Save my seat—I’ll be back in twenty-four hours. |
1.3936 |
0.02854 |
564 |
404 |
98 |
62 |
159 |
My name isn’t Paul Nesja. Can I be a caption finalist, too? |
1.3931 |
0.02744 |
720 |
546 |
65 |
109 |
160 |
What have you got on the menu for a Low Carbon Diet? |
1.3929 |
0.02876 |
537 |
381 |
101 |
55 |
161 |
It's always "You're too hot!", "You're too cold!", "You're unpredictable!".
And never "How are you feeling?" |
1.3928 |
0.02669 |
639 |
457 |
113 |
69 |
162 |
A plastic cup? Really? |
1.3925 |
0.02604 |
642 |
453 |
126 |
63 |
163 |
more ice please, mine's melting |
1.3917 |
0.02553 |
605 |
415 |
143 |
47 |
164 |
And just like that, Pluto was gone! |
1.3908 |
0.02633 |
568 |
390 |
134 |
44 |
165 |
No I dont want to look at Uranus again |
1.3907 |
0.02670 |
581 |
405 |
125 |
51 |
166 |
Everything was going great until people showed up. |
1.3902 |
0.02687 |
569 |
396 |
124 |
49 |
167 |
Must caption finalists frequently be those who have self-promoting podcasts, and/or those who vote for themselves, hundreds of times
(by creating bogus New Yorker accounts, using throwaway email addresses)?” |
1.3894 |
0.03009 |
642 |
502 |
30 |
110 |
168 |
All my ice has melted. |
1.3878 |
0.02501 |
575 |
387 |
153 |
35 |
169 |
Think globally. Drink locally. |
1.3877 |
0.02792 |
552 |
391 |
108 |
53 |
170 |
Doc says I'm bipolar |
1.3871 |
0.02728 |
589 |
420 |
110 |
59 |
171 |
And she said, get this, I wasn't hot enough. Well I'll show her! |
1.3869 |
0.02685 |
579 |
407 |
120 |
52 |
172 |
And if that isn’t enough, now they want to leave me for Mars |
1.3865 |
0.02782 |
564 |
402 |
106 |
56 |
173 |
Sorry, my ice has melted" |
1.3858 |
0.02523 |
591 |
404 |
146 |
41 |
174 |
There I was. Happy and content for billions of years.
Then it happened. People ... PEOPLE! And there's
nothing you can take for that. |
1.3852 |
0.02901 |
553 |
403 |
87 |
63 |
175 |
Excuse me, my ice has melted. |
1.3834 |
0.02564 |
592 |
410 |
137 |
45 |
176 |
I'm not drunk, I'm tilted on my axis. |
1.3833 |
0.02886 |
480 |
335 |
106 |
39 |
177 |
Venus was here? Did she mention me? |
1.3817 |
0.02825 |
545 |
391 |
100 |
54 |
178 |
I told her I needed some space. |
1.3810 |
0.02556 |
559 |
382 |
141 |
36 |
179 |
Actually, the moon is a real asshole. |
1.3795 |
0.02693 |
585 |
418 |
112 |
55 |
180 |
On the rocks, please. Lots of them. |
1.3785 |
0.02780 |
494 |
343 |
115 |
36 |
181 |
Global warming? I thought it was just menopause. |
1.3781 |
0.02822 |
529 |
378 |
102 |
49 |
182 |
I'm telling ya, what goes around, comes around. |
1.3779 |
0.02757 |
553 |
395 |
107 |
51 |
183 |
I’m tired of everyone walking all over me. |
1.3778 |
0.02916 |
450 |
313 |
104 |
33 |
184 |
Hey, so what happened to the atmosphere? |
1.3757 |
0.02820 |
519 |
370 |
103 |
46 |
185 |
And on top of all that, my shrink says I'm bipolar. |
1.3743 |
0.02925 |
545 |
404 |
78 |
63 |
186 |
I could use some more ice. |
1.3740 |
0.02720 |
524 |
368 |
116 |
40 |
187 |
These hot flashes are getting worse |
1.3732 |
0.02723 |
568 |
409 |
106 |
53 |
188 |
Then she says, " We don't travel in the same orbit" |
1.3728 |
0.02899 |
515 |
374 |
90 |
51 |
189 |
Of course I drink alone! Jupiter and Saturn - just huge and gassy. Venus is cold as hell, Neptune's gone sideways, Pluto's out the club, and moon can't even reach the bar! Just keep 'em coming... |
1.3725 |
0.03079 |
459 |
334 |
79 |
46 |
190 |
I just feel like I'm going in circles. |
1.3722 |
0.02596 |
497 |
337 |
135 |
25 |
191 |
Damn right it's always 5 o'clock somewhere. |
1.3702 |
0.02948 |
524 |
388 |
78 |
58 |
192 |
Warmest summer in recorded history and she tells me I’m ‘not hot enough’ for her… |
1.3699 |
0.03193 |
438 |
325 |
65 |
48 |
193 |
I offered her the world but she wanted the moon and the stars. |
1.3694 |
0.02989 |
471 |
341 |
86 |
44 |
194 |
What do you mean last call, I'm just warming up. |
1.3691 |
0.02867 |
485 |
346 |
99 |
40 |
195 |
...and then she accuses me of being "bipolar"! |
1.3690 |
0.03003 |
496 |
366 |
77 |
53 |
196 |
It all started with a big bang. |
1.3677 |
0.03042 |
446 |
322 |
84 |
40 |
197 |
These days I revolve around gin. |
1.3674 |
0.03206 |
479 |
365 |
52 |
62 |
198 |
This bar has no atmosphere. |
1.3674 |
0.02727 |
509 |
359 |
113 |
37 |
199 |
And she thinks everything revolves around her |
1.3667 |
0.02847 |
510 |
369 |
95 |
46 |
200 |
Yeah, I know, small world. |
1.3658 |
0.03027 |
462 |
337 |
81 |
44 |
201 |
Is the room spinning, or is it just me? |
1.3643 |
0.02978 |
560 |
430 |
56 |
74 |
202 |
Earth to bartender! |
1.3641 |
0.03139 |
423 |
308 |
76 |
39 |
203 |
No more, I'm polluted! |
1.3632 |
0.03076 |
435 |
316 |
80 |
39 |
204 |
Me? I’m the 3rd one out of 8. Used to be 9, but we don’t even mention him anymore . |
1.3626 |
0.03125 |
422 |
307 |
77 |
38 |
205 |
Is the room starting to spin or is it just me?" |
1.3625 |
0.02646 |
480 |
331 |
124 |
25 |
206 |
Her name was Venus. She was so hot, but she traveled in different circles. |
1.3621 |
0.02993 |
475 |
349 |
80 |
46 |
207 |
Is it hot, or is it just me? |
1.3601 |
0.02835 |
436 |
305 |
105 |
26 |
208 |
So how come people listen when YOU shout "last call!"? |
1.3598 |
0.02964 |
428 |
305 |
92 |
31 |
209 |
When my continents start drifting, call a cab |
1.3591 |
0.02867 |
479 |
346 |
94 |
39 |
210 |
Is it just me or is it getting warmer around here? |
1.3590 |
0.02643 |
493 |
344 |
121 |
28 |
211 |
I'm tired of listening to Sun. He thinks everything revolves around him. |
1.3590 |
0.03013 |
429 |
309 |
86 |
34 |
212 |
Seriously? Do I look Flat to you? |
1.3589 |
0.02809 |
482 |
345 |
101 |
36 |
213 |
The room's spinning.
Or is it just me? |
1.3581 |
0.02958 |
444 |
320 |
89 |
35 |
214 |
I thought being named to the Hottest Planets list would make me more popular, but everyone is mad at me. |
1.3581 |
0.02959 |
458 |
333 |
86 |
39 |
215 |
You think global warming is the only thing on my mind. Try getting fracked. |
1.3580 |
0.03098 |
405 |
292 |
81 |
32 |
216 |
Turns out I've got Humans. The doctor gave me six weeks. |
1.3570 |
0.03312 |
395 |
294 |
61 |
40 |
217 |
If that's Venus calling, tell her I'm not here ! |
1.3566 |
0.03139 |
401 |
291 |
77 |
33 |
218 |
Is the A.C. working in this joint? I’m melting over here. |
1.3564 |
0.02811 |
477 |
342 |
100 |
35 |
219 |
Is it me or is the room spinning? |
1.3558 |
0.03076 |
430 |
315 |
77 |
38 |
220 |
Is it getting hotter in here,is it just me? |
1.3546 |
0.02874 |
454 |
326 |
95 |
33 |
221 |
No more for me. I'm quite polluted already. |
1.3544 |
0.03250 |
395 |
292 |
66 |
37 |
222 |
Your polar cap is melting too, huh? |
1.3540 |
0.03096 |
452 |
338 |
68 |
46 |
223 |
I'm 5 billion years old - and having hot flashes like I'm 40! |
1.3534 |
0.02939 |
498 |
372 |
76 |
50 |
224 |
Yeah, Venus is hot, but she's way out of my orbit. |
1.3529 |
0.03229 |
408 |
304 |
64 |
40 |
225 |
Did you turn the heat up or it just me? |
1.3527 |
0.02933 |
448 |
325 |
88 |
35 |
226 |
And then he shrugged! |
1.3524 |
0.02816 |
471 |
339 |
98 |
34 |
227 |
What on earth do you want now? |
1.3514 |
0.03100 |
407 |
297 |
77 |
33 |
228 |
No ice? Join the club! |
1.3511 |
0.02869 |
413 |
291 |
99 |
23 |
229 |
This place could use a little atmosphere. |
1.3507 |
0.02976 |
442 |
323 |
83 |
36 |
230 |
No more, Joe; I’m incontinent. |
1.3503 |
0.03271 |
394 |
294 |
62 |
38 |
231 |
Wait, you don’t have any ice either? |
1.3494 |
0.03044 |
435 |
321 |
76 |
38 |
232 |
If you heard "it's a small world after all" as many times as I have, you'd drink too. |
1.3491 |
0.03189 |
401 |
297 |
68 |
36 |
233 |
Got anything for global warming? |
1.3489 |
0.02936 |
407 |
290 |
92 |
25 |
234 |
I feel Ike I work so hard, and at the end of the year I’m back where I started.” |
1.3489 |
0.03020 |
450 |
334 |
75 |
41 |
235 |
Don’t worry, the Sun’s gravity is my designated driver. |
1.3470 |
0.03226 |
438 |
336 |
52 |
50 |
236 |
You don't know what it's like to be a small world after all. |
1.3469 |
0.03239 |
392 |
292 |
64 |
36 |
237 |
My problem is that Republicans don't understand me. |
1.3465 |
0.03283 |
404 |
306 |
56 |
42 |
238 |
On second thought, forget the drink, gimme more ice! |
1.3463 |
0.02800 |
436 |
310 |
101 |
25 |
239 |
More ice, lots of ice. And hurry! |
1.3458 |
0.02771 |
480 |
348 |
98 |
34 |
240 |
Can I get two more? I only face this way once a day. |
1.3455 |
0.02980 |
440 |
324 |
80 |
36 |
241 |
Worst date ever! She claimed that I was actually flat, and just contorting myself to fit some UN world order narrative. |
1.3452 |
0.03205 |
365 |
266 |
72 |
27 |
242 |
She said she needed more space. |
1.3449 |
0.02778 |
403 |
281 |
105 |
17 |
243 |
No thanks, I’ll pass. The room is spinning! |
1.3446 |
0.02782 |
444 |
317 |
101 |
26 |
244 |
This place has no atmosphere. |
1.3444 |
0.02940 |
392 |
279 |
91 |
22 |
245 |
I wish I had a nickel for every person who tells me it's not the end of the world. |
1.3437 |
0.03065 |
419 |
310 |
74 |
35 |
246 |
The kids tell me I'm not as cool as I used to be. |
1.3427 |
0.03259 |
356 |
261 |
68 |
27 |
247 |
So you're losing your hair? I'm losing my ozone layer! |
1.3426 |
0.03141 |
394 |
291 |
71 |
32 |
248 |
I identify as global. My pronouns are worldwide, universal and international. |
1.3412 |
0.03172 |
381 |
281 |
70 |
30 |
249 |
He's small and gray, and he was right next to me! |
1.3407 |
0.03156 |
405 |
303 |
66 |
36 |
250 |
So I said, it’s not the heat, it’s the stupidity! |
1.3406 |
0.03427 |
320 |
235 |
61 |
24 |
251 |
Can I get more ice? Mine is melting. |
1.3404 |
0.02874 |
376 |
264 |
96 |
16 |
252 |
And then things started to get heated… |
1.3404 |
0.03041 |
376 |
271 |
82 |
23 |
253 |
Dude, I am so fucked. |
1.3398 |
0.03210 |
412 |
313 |
58 |
41 |
254 |
I used to be able to hold my groundwater for decades! |
1.3385 |
0.03158 |
390 |
290 |
68 |
32 |
255 |
Believe me, my other half has a very dark side! |
1.3375 |
0.02826 |
400 |
284 |
97 |
19 |
256 |
Three billion inhabited planets, and I get the nut jobs! |
1.3373 |
0.03346 |
338 |
250 |
62 |
26 |
257 |
It’s not just the heat, it’s the stupidity. |
1.3370 |
0.03465 |
365 |
281 |
45 |
39 |
258 |
My life revolves around my sun. |
1.3369 |
0.03054 |
377 |
274 |
79 |
24 |
259 |
I mean, I want to believe I'm round, but whenever I look in a mirror, all I see is 'flat'. |
1.3367 |
0.03186 |
392 |
294 |
64 |
34 |
260 |
This is like 2/3 water. |
1.3366 |
0.02788 |
413 |
294 |
99 |
20 |
261 |
As if everything revolves around her?! |
1.3365 |
0.02903 |
419 |
305 |
87 |
27 |
262 |
Hello! Earth to Larry!! |
1.3365 |
0.03407 |
318 |
234 |
61 |
23 |
263 |
That earthquake really shook me up. |
1.3363 |
0.03131 |
342 |
246 |
77 |
19 |
264 |
I’m telling you Frank. Sell the condo in Boca. |
1.3360 |
0.03335 |
381 |
291 |
52 |
38 |
265 |
You sure you haven't seen her? A small, grey sphere. Answers to "Luna." |
1.3356 |
0.03079 |
435 |
330 |
64 |
41 |
266 |
I just feel like every time I turn around another day has passed me by |
1.3343 |
0.03342 |
338 |
251 |
61 |
26 |
267 |
She said I was hot and left. |
1.3342 |
0.03044 |
374 |
272 |
79 |
23 |
268 |
But my head always feels like it's spinning. |
1.3342 |
0.03030 |
401 |
296 |
76 |
29 |
269 |
Venus is hot but out of my orbit. |
1.3333 |
0.03066 |
378 |
277 |
76 |
25 |
270 |
I feel like I've just been going round in circles. |
1.3333 |
0.02979 |
390 |
284 |
82 |
24 |
271 |
It’s been a rough summer. |
1.3333 |
0.02949 |
354 |
251 |
88 |
15 |
272 |
I don't know. I've been having these hot flashes lately. |
1.3325 |
0.03037 |
403 |
299 |
74 |
30 |
273 |
Is everything spinning or is it just me? |
1.3324 |
0.02973 |
364 |
261 |
85 |
18 |
274 |
And that is just in the northern hemisphere |
1.3324 |
0.03022 |
355 |
255 |
82 |
18 |
275 |
Be honest, is my ice receding? |
1.3323 |
0.03446 |
334 |
252 |
53 |
29 |
276 |
Is this room spinning right now? |
1.3315 |
0.03305 |
368 |
279 |
56 |
33 |
277 |
What do you mean you're out of ice? |
1.3314 |
0.03187 |
353 |
260 |
69 |
24 |
278 |
I'll see you same time tomorrow. |
1.3312 |
0.03308 |
314 |
229 |
66 |
19 |
279 |
Let me tell you, Joe. I've got a lot on my tectonic plates. |
1.3307 |
0.03074 |
384 |
284 |
73 |
27 |
280 |
I gave you humans everything I have, but you just treat me like a garbage bin. I need another drink. |
1.3303 |
0.03197 |
330 |
240 |
71 |
19 |
281 |
You're the only one that listens to me. |
1.3301 |
0.02652 |
412 |
290 |
108 |
14 |
282 |
If I'm Earth, what are you standing on? |
1.3295 |
0.03946 |
261 |
199 |
38 |
24 |
283 |
I think I'm going to need more ice. |
1.3294 |
0.02948 |
337 |
238 |
87 |
12 |
284 |
Another day, another round. |
1.3290 |
0.03186 |
383 |
289 |
62 |
32 |
285 |
And for the record, I'm not a mother. |
1.3289 |
0.03066 |
377 |
278 |
74 |
25 |
286 |
I knew him, yes, but then he shrugged! |
1.3289 |
0.03679 |
298 |
227 |
44 |
27 |
287 |
Can I get some moonshine? |
1.3288 |
0.03069 |
368 |
270 |
75 |
23 |
288 |
Do I really look like Gorbachev? |
1.3274 |
0.03598 |
281 |
209 |
52 |
20 |
289 |
I’m done with the cosmos. Give me a whiskey. |
1.3272 |
0.03120 |
379 |
283 |
68 |
28 |
290 |
I'm gonna need a little ice. |
1.3270 |
0.03181 |
318 |
230 |
72 |
16 |
291 |
Make it a double, I just found out I have asteroids. |
1.3270 |
0.03531 |
315 |
239 |
49 |
27 |
292 |
I think you know my ‘sun’! |
1.3258 |
0.03359 |
310 |
229 |
61 |
20 |
293 |
She was my universe, man. |
1.3256 |
0.02916 |
433 |
324 |
77 |
32 |
294 |
'hello, earth to bartender.....' |
1.3256 |
0.03364 |
344 |
261 |
54 |
29 |
295 |
I'm a hot mess. |
1.3256 |
0.03313 |
344 |
259 |
58 |
27 |
296 |
And the hot flashes, they just keep coming. |
1.3255 |
0.03385 |
341 |
259 |
53 |
29 |
297 |
Sometimes I just get tired of going around in circles |
1.3255 |
0.03451 |
298 |
221 |
57 |
20 |
298 |
And I've been having hot flashes like there's no tomorrow! |
1.3254 |
0.03381 |
338 |
256 |
54 |
28 |
299 |
Definitely on the rocks. |
1.3252 |
0.04331 |
206 |
156 |
33 |
17 |
300 |
I like coming for the atmosphere. |
1.3249 |
0.02897 |
437 |
327 |
78 |
32 |
301 |
Do I look flat to you? |
1.3246 |
0.03148 |
345 |
254 |
70 |
21 |
302 |
My ice melted. |
1.3246 |
0.03326 |
342 |
258 |
57 |
27 |
303 |
I can't stop thinking about Venus - She's not just bright. She's really hot. |
1.3242 |
0.03569 |
330 |
256 |
41 |
33 |
304 |
The moon keeps complaining about being in my shadow. I hope it's just a phase. |
1.3242 |
0.03523 |
293 |
219 |
53 |
21 |
305 |
So then––and no, I'm not kidding––my doctor tells me, 'The foreseeable future will be utter hell.' |
1.3238 |
0.03201 |
349 |
260 |
65 |
24 |
306 |
You spend billions of years to get it right, then they stumble upon the Industrial Revolution and arrogantly think they know how to do better and, in a blink of an eye, phhtt! |
1.3233 |
0.03333 |
300 |
220 |
63 |
17 |
307 |
And I'm just getting warmed up! |
1.3231 |
0.03611 |
294 |
223 |
47 |
24 |
308 |
You know, Joe, I've never really recovered from that big bang . |
1.3229 |
0.03347 |
353 |
270 |
52 |
31 |
309 |
Why can't everything revolve around me? |
1.3229 |
0.02882 |
415 |
307 |
82 |
26 |
310 |
Who's gonna hire a four-and-a-half-billion-year-old planet? |
1.3223 |
0.03454 |
301 |
225 |
55 |
21 |
311 |
Cut me off. I'm starting to spin. |
1.3220 |
0.03141 |
354 |
263 |
68 |
23 |
312 |
So, do you know this Venus? She's about my size, very bright, and hot. |
1.3220 |
0.02779 |
410 |
298 |
92 |
20 |
313 |
I plan on getting drunk off my axis. |
1.3218 |
0.03478 |
317 |
241 |
50 |
26 |
314 |
Is it me, or is it getting hotter in here everyday? |
1.3213 |
0.03105 |
333 |
243 |
73 |
17 |
315 |
Can I get some ice? I feel warm all over. |
1.3210 |
0.03038 |
324 |
233 |
78 |
13 |
316 |
It's a birthmark. Why? |
1.3208 |
0.03484 |
293 |
219 |
54 |
20 |
317 |
First of all, no one NEEDS a Jeep! |
1.3205 |
0.03209 |
312 |
228 |
68 |
16 |
318 |
Help! I’ve been drawn by a cartoonist looking to elicit a flood of virtue-signaling captions! |
1.3204 |
0.03706 |
334 |
267 |
27 |
40 |
319 |
It's been a long Anthropocene. |
1.3204 |
0.03240 |
334 |
249 |
63 |
22 |
320 |
Excuse me, I’m going to need some ice. |
1.3201 |
0.03318 |
353 |
270 |
53 |
30 |
321 |
I think I'm overheated |
1.3197 |
0.02968 |
319 |
227 |
82 |
10 |
322 |
Be honest. Does this outfit make me look flat? |
1.3194 |
0.03367 |
382 |
301 |
40 |
41 |
323 |
You didn’t know the earth was a heavy drinker? I didn’t know the moon was a nosy bartender. |
1.3190 |
0.03424 |
348 |
270 |
45 |
33 |
324 |
Excuse me, I asked for the carbon neutral! |
1.3182 |
0.03233 |
308 |
226 |
66 |
16 |
325 |
And after four and half billion years of showing my whole self every day, the moon still won’t show me her dark side. |
1.3180 |
0.03283 |
327 |
245 |
60 |
22 |
326 |
I’m not drunk. I’m always spinning on a tilt. |
1.3180 |
0.02920 |
327 |
233 |
84 |
10 |
327 |
It's always five o'clock somewhere. |
1.3178 |
0.03069 |
365 |
272 |
70 |
23 |
328 |
You have to cut me off after 3 martinis or I reverse polarity and everyone dies. |
1.3176 |
0.03481 |
340 |
265 |
42 |
33 |
329 |
Yes, I'm over 21 |
1.3175 |
0.03152 |
315 |
230 |
70 |
15 |
330 |
My ice melted again. |
1.3173 |
0.03421 |
312 |
236 |
53 |
23 |
331 |
...and to top it off, she said I needed a latitude adjustment. |
1.3172 |
0.03392 |
331 |
253 |
51 |
27 |
332 |
Tell me the truth. Do I look flat? |
1.3169 |
0.03237 |
325 |
242 |
63 |
20 |
333 |
They scoffed at me when I told them about my invisible friend; now "dark matter" is all they can talk about. |
1.3161 |
0.03435 |
310 |
235 |
52 |
23 |
334 |
And what’s with all the phases of the moon? Just pick one. |
1.3152 |
0.02872 |
368 |
268 |
84 |
16 |
335 |
Give me all the ice you have. |
1.3148 |
0.02968 |
378 |
281 |
75 |
22 |
336 |
You ever feel like you’re just spinning in circles? |
1.3147 |
0.03271 |
340 |
258 |
57 |
25 |
337 |
Something cool, please. |
1.3146 |
0.02767 |
356 |
254 |
92 |
10 |
338 |
Where's the can? I can feel my sea levels rising,. |
1.3143 |
0.03303 |
315 |
236 |
59 |
20 |
339 |
Make mine on the rocks, I've been getting some hot flashes lately |
1.3128 |
0.02811 |
390 |
286 |
86 |
18 |
340 |
You ever feel like you're just going in circles? |
1.3127 |
0.03145 |
355 |
268 |
63 |
24 |
341 |
So I'm like, 'Proof of age? Really?' |
1.3125 |
0.03375 |
336 |
259 |
49 |
28 |
342 |
I’m so fracked. |
1.3121 |
0.03116 |
314 |
230 |
70 |
14 |
343 |
I’ve got a fracking headache |
1.3112 |
0.03140 |
347 |
261 |
64 |
22 |
344 |
You won't believe the summer I just had. |
1.3109 |
0.02923 |
341 |
248 |
80 |
13 |
345 |
And don't get me started about the drilling. |
1.3104 |
0.03015 |
335 |
246 |
74 |
15 |
346 |
It just feels like a world of hurt! |
1.3104 |
0.02955 |
335 |
244 |
78 |
13 |
347 |
Something to cool me off, please! |
1.3104 |
0.03136 |
364 |
277 |
61 |
26 |
348 |
Some days, I just miss Pluto. |
1.3103 |
0.03237 |
319 |
239 |
61 |
19 |
349 |
And then I told her that the world doesn't revolve around her. |
1.3102 |
0.03480 |
303 |
232 |
48 |
23 |
350 |
She said we "weren't on the same axis." |
1.3098 |
0.03261 |
297 |
220 |
62 |
15 |
351 |
Joe,you ever get the feeling no one cares if you live or die? |
1.3098 |
0.03431 |
297 |
225 |
52 |
20 |
352 |
It’s always 5 o’clock somewhere. |
1.3096 |
0.03494 |
281 |
212 |
51 |
18 |
353 |
Wait, am I drinking my own water? |
1.3095 |
0.03489 |
294 |
224 |
49 |
21 |
354 |
I'm just getting warmed up. |
1.3091 |
0.03248 |
317 |
238 |
60 |
19 |
355 |
Doesn't it feel warm in here?" |
1.3086 |
0.03374 |
324 |
249 |
50 |
25 |
356 |
You people will be the death of me . |
1.3082 |
0.03186 |
292 |
214 |
66 |
12 |
357 |
Do I look like I need ice!? |
1.3082 |
0.03235 |
305 |
227 |
62 |
16 |
358 |
7 billion martinis, please. |
1.3080 |
0.03645 |
276 |
212 |
43 |
21 |
359 |
Nobody understands the gravity of my situation. |
1.3074 |
0.03626 |
270 |
206 |
45 |
19 |
360 |
Excuse me, but by "on the rocks" I meant something igneous or metamorphic. |
1.3070 |
0.02939 |
342 |
251 |
77 |
14 |
361 |
I'll give you a hundred bucks for 5 minutes in the walk-in. |
1.3067 |
0.03302 |
300 |
225 |
58 |
17 |
362 |
My whole life I've been going in circles. |
1.3066 |
0.03473 |
274 |
206 |
52 |
16 |
363 |
If I had any idea, I would never have allowed them to land in the first place. |
1.3065 |
0.03478 |
310 |
240 |
45 |
25 |
364 |
I wish he WOULD go to Mars. |
1.3065 |
0.02994 |
310 |
225 |
75 |
10 |
365 |
The last time God threw a rock at me, I was scared. Now, I'm like; "hello darkness my old friend". |
1.3065 |
0.03478 |
310 |
240 |
45 |
25 |
366 |
I suspect he is seeing other planets. |
1.3059 |
0.03496 |
304 |
235 |
45 |
24 |
367 |
More ice, please. Mine has melted |
1.3059 |
0.03202 |
340 |
259 |
58 |
23 |
368 |
I hope they leave for Mars soon. |
1.3056 |
0.03194 |
337 |
256 |
59 |
22 |
369 |
I can't shake the feeling. Like something's crawling all over me |
1.3055 |
0.03501 |
275 |
208 |
50 |
17 |
370 |
I can’t get these people off my back! |
1.3049 |
0.03391 |
305 |
233 |
51 |
21 |
371 |
Could you put some ice in my drink? I need to cool down. |
1.3040 |
0.03099 |
329 |
246 |
66 |
17 |
372 |
People are walking all over me. |
1.3038 |
0.03635 |
260 |
198 |
45 |
17 |
373 |
My life is going around and around, day after day! |
1.3038 |
0.03021 |
316 |
232 |
72 |
12 |
374 |
And I told them, 'listen, you'd self-medicate too, if you'd had the epoch I'm having!' |
1.3030 |
0.03213 |
297 |
221 |
62 |
14 |
375 |
Oh, boo-hoo. ‘I’ haven’t had a vacation in 4 billion years! |
1.3027 |
0.03233 |
294 |
219 |
61 |
14 |
376 |
So then I asked em’ “what do you mean my temperature is rising?” |
1.3026 |
0.03264 |
304 |
229 |
58 |
17 |
377 |
"Global warming. Global hunger. Global terror.
Why is it always about me?" |
1.3026 |
0.03719 |
271 |
211 |
38 |
22 |
378 |
Can I have some more ice, please? |
1.3019 |
0.03197 |
318 |
240 |
60 |
18 |
379 |
I ever tell you about me and Pluto? |
1.3019 |
0.03228 |
318 |
241 |
58 |
19 |
380 |
So, how do these rising seas look on me? |
1.3016 |
0.03085 |
305 |
225 |
68 |
12 |
381 |
"How would you like to spin on your axis 24 hours a day?" |
1.3015 |
0.03529 |
262 |
198 |
49 |
15 |
382 |
The truth is, I’ve changed. |
1.3011 |
0.03506 |
269 |
204 |
49 |
16 |
383 |
Do you ever get that 'stop the solar system I want to get off' feeling? |
1.3009 |
0.03181 |
329 |
250 |
59 |
20 |
384 |
I used to be big - people thought I was the center of the universe. |
1.3007 |
0.03250 |
296 |
222 |
59 |
15 |
385 |
One drunken night with Venus and BOOM I have a moon now! |
1.3006 |
0.03239 |
316 |
240 |
57 |
19 |
386 |
Welcome to my world. |
1.3006 |
0.03141 |
326 |
246 |
62 |
18 |
387 |
You need the ice, I need the ice. Who knew ice was so important? |
1.3003 |
0.03446 |
293 |
225 |
48 |
20 |
388 |
Yes, I am 71% water, but after this summer, I need a drink! |
1.3000 |
0.03183 |
290 |
215 |
63 |
12 |
389 |
Then she says, ‘It’s not like I’m asking for the moon.’ |
1.2993 |
0.03759 |
284 |
226 |
31 |
27 |
390 |
You ever feel like you're spinning? |
1.2991 |
0.03334 |
331 |
258 |
47 |
26 |
391 |
It’s been a long day. |
1.2991 |
0.03078 |
321 |
240 |
66 |
15 |
392 |
Is it warm in here or is it just me? |
1.2990 |
0.03476 |
301 |
234 |
44 |
23 |
393 |
Did you moon me? |
1.2989 |
0.03399 |
281 |
213 |
52 |
16 |
394 |
So then,as a joke,I ordered the Baked Alaska. |
1.2989 |
0.03561 |
271 |
208 |
45 |
18 |
395 |
Keep ’em coming. My girl Luna is going through another one of her phases. |
1.2989 |
0.03637 |
271 |
210 |
41 |
20 |
396 |
Buddy, I gotta world of troubles. |
1.2984 |
0.03210 |
315 |
239 |
58 |
18 |
397 |
It feels like I'm just goin' around in circles. |
1.2984 |
0.03273 |
315 |
241 |
54 |
20 |
398 |
Keep the climate change. |
1.2979 |
0.03238 |
292 |
219 |
59 |
14 |
399 |
I see your ice is melting, too. |
1.2974 |
0.02890 |
306 |
222 |
77 |
7 |
400 |
Sometimes I feel so alone in the universe; the other planets I meet are all so lifeless... |
1.2972 |
0.03498 |
286 |
221 |
45 |
20 |
401 |
Make it a double. I have a world of trouble. |
1.2970 |
0.03359 |
303 |
233 |
50 |
20 |
402 |
People, am I right? |
1.2964 |
0.03690 |
280 |
221 |
35 |
24 |
403 |
So I asked them, "Do I look flat to you?" |
1.2955 |
0.03318 |
308 |
237 |
51 |
20 |
404 |
I'd like the Tectonic Plate, please. |
1.2955 |
0.03813 |
264 |
209 |
32 |
23 |
405 |
I just feel like no one gets it.... |
1.2955 |
0.03197 |
264 |
194 |
62 |
8 |
406 |
Why is there plastic in my drink? |
1.2955 |
0.03619 |
264 |
204 |
42 |
18 |
407 |
I'm in a world of hurt tonight. |
1.2953 |
0.03117 |
298 |
222 |
64 |
12 |
408 |
I feel like I'm taken for granite |
1.2953 |
0.03081 |
298 |
221 |
66 |
11 |
409 |
Water? Water? I'm two thirds Water. Now pour me a whiskey! |
1.2953 |
0.03760 |
254 |
198 |
37 |
19 |
410 |
They only ever ask about my temperature, not my feelings. |
1.2950 |
0.03688 |
261 |
203 |
39 |
19 |
411 |
You'd drink too... |
1.2949 |
0.03082 |
356 |
274 |
59 |
23 |
412 |
It's a hell of a thing, the politicians in Washington are older than I am. |
1.2949 |
0.03418 |
295 |
228 |
47 |
20 |
413 |
What is the name of the continent on the back of your head? |
1.2948 |
0.03770 |
268 |
212 |
33 |
23 |
414 |
I don't know if it's obvious, but i've been going through a lot of changes lately |
1.2947 |
0.03125 |
302 |
226 |
63 |
13 |
415 |
So I said, sure I'll take 'em. Now all the other planets laugh at me. |
1.2941 |
0.03199 |
306 |
232 |
58 |
16 |
416 |
And to top it off, then I got mooned! |
1.2941 |
0.03635 |
289 |
229 |
35 |
25 |
417 |
They say I've never been hotter, yet Venus still won't give me the time of day. |
1.2941 |
0.03618 |
272 |
212 |
40 |
20 |
418 |
It's a birthmark! |
1.2939 |
0.03183 |
313 |
238 |
58 |
17 |
419 |
It was just one joke. I didn’t know Uranus was so sensitive. |
1.2939 |
0.03442 |
279 |
214 |
48 |
17 |
420 |
It feels like there's 8 billion of them. |
1.2935 |
0.03598 |
293 |
232 |
36 |
25 |
421 |
Continental Breakfast. |
1.2932 |
0.02799 |
307 |
222 |
80 |
5 |
422 |
Everywhere I go, I hear "The world just ain't what it used to be." |
1.2931 |
0.03279 |
290 |
220 |
55 |
15 |
423 |
Yeah but my problems are your problems. |
1.2929 |
0.03364 |
297 |
229 |
49 |
19 |
424 |
Is it me or has it gotten warmer in here? |
1.2928 |
0.03343 |
304 |
235 |
49 |
20 |
425 |
If Mother Nature calls, tell her I’m not here. |
1.2927 |
0.03617 |
287 |
227 |
36 |
24 |
426 |
Sometimes I feel like I have the weight of me on my shoulders. |
1.2924 |
0.03604 |
277 |
217 |
39 |
21 |
427 |
If he’s elected, I’m moving to Mercury. |
1.2920 |
0.03833 |
226 |
174 |
38 |
14 |
428 |
I'm in a relationship with 8 billion people; and it's just not working out. |
1.2920 |
0.03440 |
250 |
188 |
51 |
11 |
429 |
I just came in to cool off. |
1.2920 |
0.03710 |
250 |
194 |
39 |
17 |
430 |
Bring back the whole bottle. |
1.2917 |
0.02858 |
288 |
208 |
76 |
4 |
431 |
Your reviews say you have a good atmosphere? |
1.2913 |
0.03078 |
333 |
254 |
61 |
18 |
432 |
Australia is really burning my ass! |
1.2913 |
0.03107 |
333 |
255 |
59 |
19 |
433 |
I could really use some water. |
1.2912 |
0.03160 |
285 |
213 |
61 |
11 |
434 |
ID? I’m 4.543 billion years old. |
1.2912 |
0.03836 |
261 |
208 |
30 |
23 |
435 |
Tourism is way down. Now it's Mars, Mars, Mars. |
1.2910 |
0.03649 |
268 |
210 |
38 |
20 |
436 |
I'll take another, people talk about having the world on their shoulders as if it's a bad thing. |
1.2908 |
0.03192 |
306 |
233 |
57 |
16 |
437 |
Have you ever felt like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders? |
1.2905 |
0.03333 |
296 |
228 |
50 |
18 |
438 |
I feel like I just keep going in circles |
1.2905 |
0.03617 |
241 |
184 |
44 |
13 |
439 |
You think you’ve got problems? Welcome to my world! |
1.2904 |
0.03336 |
272 |
206 |
53 |
13 |
440 |
More ice, please. Much more ice. |
1.2904 |
0.03536 |
303 |
241 |
36 |
26 |
441 |
And then she tells me I mean the world to her. |
1.2903 |
0.03723 |
279 |
223 |
31 |
25 |
442 |
It's like having 8 billion ungrateful bed bugs. |
1.2900 |
0.03713 |
269 |
213 |
34 |
22 |
443 |
And that's just the industrial revolution. You would not believe what happened next! |
1.2898 |
0.03646 |
314 |
256 |
25 |
33 |
444 |
Okay, stop me if you've heard it. 8 million people walk into a bar... |
1.2895 |
0.03627 |
266 |
208 |
39 |
19 |
445 |
Keep ‘‘em coming! It’s been a bad year!! |
1.2895 |
0.03953 |
228 |
179 |
32 |
17 |
446 |
Let's be honest - I miss the dinosaurs. |
1.2894 |
0.03523 |
273 |
212 |
43 |
18 |
447 |
I told her, it's mostly water weight! |
1.2890 |
0.03655 |
263 |
206 |
38 |
19 |
448 |
How would you like people talking about a hole in your southern hemisphere? |
1.2885 |
0.03756 |
253 |
199 |
35 |
19 |
449 |
The truth is I'm incontinent |
1.2885 |
0.03476 |
260 |
199 |
47 |
14 |
450 |
Excuse me, either your barstool is wet or another one of my icecaps has melted. |
1.2884 |
0.03575 |
267 |
208 |
41 |
18 |
451 |
What I would really like is to meet a large gas giant, settle down, and raise a couple of moons. |
1.2883 |
0.03511 |
274 |
213 |
43 |
18 |
452 |
Would it kill them to call their mother? |
1.2883 |
0.03261 |
281 |
213 |
55 |
13 |
453 |
Could I get something with more of an earthy tone? |
1.2880 |
0.02888 |
309 |
228 |
73 |
8 |
454 |
My moon doesn't understand me. |
1.2879 |
0.03223 |
264 |
197 |
58 |
9 |
455 |
Hey, can I pay with plastic? |
1.2878 |
0.03399 |
278 |
214 |
48 |
16 |
456 |
And I can never figure out where to go on vacation! |
1.2875 |
0.03853 |
240 |
189 |
33 |
18 |
457 |
What do you mean 'you can't do anything about the ice melting'? |
1.2873 |
0.03278 |
268 |
202 |
55 |
11 |
458 |
Could I please have some ice? |
1.2872 |
0.02965 |
289 |
213 |
69 |
7 |
459 |
And now my doctor says I need to cut back on my drinking because my sea levels are rising! |
1.2872 |
0.03417 |
289 |
225 |
45 |
19 |
460 |
…I’m actually not a people person. |
1.2864 |
0.03980 |
213 |
166 |
33 |
14 |
461 |
I'm really just a small world. |
1.2863 |
0.03428 |
255 |
194 |
49 |
12 |
462 |
Don’t worry about drink size—I’m already polluted. |
1.2862 |
0.03355 |
283 |
218 |
49 |
16 |
463 |
He's leaving me for Mars! |
1.2857 |
0.03301 |
280 |
214 |
52 |
14 |
464 |
Sometimes you gotta just call it a day |
1.2857 |
0.03358 |
287 |
222 |
48 |
17 |
465 |
You think you've got problems!? I gotta be carbon neutral by 2037! |
1.2852 |
0.03268 |
263 |
198 |
55 |
10 |
466 |
If I’m here, what are you standing on?! |
1.2846 |
0.03993 |
246 |
199 |
24 |
23 |
467 |
My wife thinks I'm too geocentric. |
1.2840 |
0.03604 |
250 |
194 |
41 |
15 |
468 |
Another hurricane please... |
1.2838 |
0.03676 |
229 |
176 |
41 |
12 |
469 |
I’ve got a good one: Mars, Earth, and Elon walk into a bar… |
1.2833 |
0.03610 |
240 |
185 |
42 |
13 |
470 |
I know Dionne Warwick said I need love, but what the world needs now is a drink. |
1.2830 |
0.03661 |
265 |
210 |
35 |
20 |
471 |
My problem? People |
1.2829 |
0.03691 |
258 |
204 |
35 |
19 |
472 |
It all started with capitalism… |
1.2826 |
0.03205 |
276 |
209 |
56 |
11 |
473 |
Why do I drink? Have you seen the news lately? |
1.2819 |
0.03498 |
298 |
238 |
36 |
24 |
474 |
If I got a nickel every time someone said, "It's a small world..." |
1.2815 |
0.03722 |
238 |
186 |
37 |
15 |
475 |
I just don’t know what I’m coming to… |
1.2815 |
0.03453 |
270 |
210 |
44 |
16 |
476 |
Ever feel like there are billions
of bugs crawling all over you? |
1.2810 |
0.03338 |
274 |
211 |
49 |
14 |
477 |
It's like they're *trying* to kill me. |
1.2810 |
0.03678 |
242 |
189 |
38 |
15 |
478 |
At first I thought it was just menopause, but now I am quite certain it is global warming. |
1.2809 |
0.04033 |
235 |
190 |
24 |
21 |
479 |
Problems? Dude, I got problems on a global scale. |
1.2805 |
0.03917 |
221 |
174 |
32 |
15 |
480 |
More ice cubes please, and can you turn up the AC? |
1.2803 |
0.03585 |
264 |
208 |
38 |
18 |
481 |
Then she says I’m from Mars and she’s from Venus! |
1.2803 |
0.03294 |
289 |
224 |
49 |
16 |
482 |
Gimmie the next one on the rocks - my ice has melted. |
1.2801 |
0.03128 |
307 |
236 |
56 |
15 |
483 |
Is it me, or is it getting hotter out there? |
1.2799 |
0.03467 |
268 |
209 |
43 |
16 |
484 |
Why do I have hands? |
1.2797 |
0.03654 |
261 |
207 |
35 |
19 |
485 |
Straight up. I'm already 71% water. |
1.2797 |
0.03490 |
236 |
180 |
46 |
10 |
486 |
Things are heating up for me. |
1.2792 |
0.03064 |
283 |
213 |
61 |
9 |
487 |
Can you believe the weather? |
1.2791 |
0.03641 |
258 |
204 |
36 |
18 |
488 |
Pretty soon, we’ll all be drinking neat. |
1.2788 |
0.04002 |
226 |
181 |
27 |
18 |
489 |
And last night,she said “It’s a small world!” |
1.2786 |
0.03245 |
280 |
215 |
52 |
13 |
490 |
and the hot flashes, never been this bad ! |
1.2785 |
0.03628 |
237 |
184 |
40 |
13 |
491 |
I like it here. Everybody knows my name. |
1.2785 |
0.03677 |
237 |
185 |
38 |
14 |
492 |
I joined the Flat Earth Society to try and lose a few pounds. |
1.2780 |
0.03727 |
223 |
173 |
38 |
12 |
493 |
I feel like I can't stop spinning. |
1.2780 |
0.02905 |
295 |
220 |
68 |
7 |
494 |
...And don't even get me started on the wildfires... |
1.2778 |
0.03825 |
252 |
203 |
28 |
21 |
495 |
Have you run out of ice too? |
1.2776 |
0.03158 |
263 |
198 |
57 |
8 |
496 |
Oh brother, if I hear another person say that they carry the world on their shoulders |
1.2773 |
0.03663 |
238 |
186 |
38 |
14 |
497 |
Look, I’m depressed for good reasons. It’s not just because I’m bi-polar! |
1.2772 |
0.03318 |
303 |
239 |
44 |
20 |
498 |
I’m not as Worldly as I look!! |
1.2768 |
0.03174 |
289 |
222 |
54 |
13 |
499 |
He'll never find a better planet then me. |
1.2767 |
0.03281 |
253 |
192 |
52 |
9 |
500 |
No! I'm just a marble. |
1.2762 |
0.03650 |
239 |
187 |
38 |
14 |
501 |
She told me she needed some space |
1.2760 |
0.03628 |
250 |
197 |
37 |
16 |
502 |
May I have more ice? |
1.2759 |
0.03215 |
261 |
198 |
54 |
9 |
503 |
They tell me the first step is admitting I have a problem. |
1.2757 |
0.02954 |
272 |
202 |
65 |
5 |
504 |
Parched doesn't begin to describe it. |
1.2757 |
0.03363 |
243 |
185 |
49 |
9 |
505 |
Hey, all of my ice has melted! |
1.2756 |
0.03698 |
225 |
175 |
38 |
12 |
506 |
Excuse me, do you have any more ice? Mine melted too quickly. |
1.2754 |
0.03824 |
236 |
188 |
31 |
17 |
507 |
I need another round to get through the day |
1.2754 |
0.03228 |
276 |
212 |
52 |
12 |
508 |
Why must it always be Mercator! |
1.2753 |
0.03227 |
247 |
186 |
54 |
7 |
509 |
You don’t understand how fragile I am right now! |
1.2752 |
0.03834 |
258 |
210 |
25 |
23 |
510 |
If you had this many humans living with you, you would also be constantly drunk. |
1.2747 |
0.03660 |
233 |
182 |
38 |
13 |
511 |
Keep the ice coming! |
1.2745 |
0.03259 |
255 |
194 |
52 |
9 |
512 |
Is it the drink, or am I spinning? |
1.2744 |
0.03553 |
266 |
211 |
37 |
18 |
513 |
What ID? I am older than dirt. |
1.2742 |
0.03507 |
248 |
193 |
42 |
13 |
514 |
And the worst of it is the hot flashes. |
1.2742 |
0.03461 |
248 |
192 |
44 |
12 |
515 |
So I'm on this date with Mercury, who is just super hot by the way, and then I literally start erupting. She excused herself and told me she needed to spend more time with her sun. |
1.2739 |
0.03764 |
241 |
192 |
32 |
17 |
516 |
Ever feel like you've got the weight of . . . forget it, I'm drunk. |
1.2738 |
0.03647 |
252 |
200 |
35 |
17 |
517 |
You are huge. |
1.2738 |
0.03194 |
263 |
200 |
54 |
9 |
518 |
Why does everything revolve around me! |
1.2736 |
0.03043 |
307 |
236 |
58 |
13 |
519 |
On the rocks. On second thought, just the rocks. |
1.2735 |
0.03660 |
223 |
173 |
39 |
11 |
520 |
Are you out of ice, too? |
1.2731 |
0.03554 |
238 |
185 |
41 |
12 |
521 |
”I’m the world, and I matter, damn it! |
1.2731 |
0.03401 |
249 |
192 |
46 |
11 |
522 |
Please, no more nuts! |
1.2731 |
0.03401 |
249 |
192 |
46 |
11 |
523 |
Can I have some more ice? Mine keeps melting. |
1.2727 |
0.03228 |
264 |
202 |
52 |
10 |
524 |
So she says to me "take out the trash already" so I says to her "where do you expect me to take 145 trillion tons of trash?" |
1.2723 |
0.03999 |
213 |
170 |
28 |
15 |
525 |
Whoa! I can't stop spinning! |
1.2720 |
0.03111 |
261 |
197 |
57 |
7 |
526 |
I'm 4.5 Billion years old--and 70% water, just like your drinks. |
1.2720 |
0.03483 |
250 |
195 |
42 |
13 |
527 |
My drink is flat. |
1.2719 |
0.03810 |
228 |
181 |
32 |
15 |
528 |
I tell you these changes I'm going through are not natural! |
1.2717 |
0.03417 |
276 |
218 |
41 |
17 |
529 |
I'm just warming up. |
1.2716 |
0.03549 |
243 |
190 |
40 |
13 |
530 |
Who cares if I'm flat or round? Can't I just be loved for who I am? |
1.2712 |
0.03569 |
236 |
184 |
40 |
12 |
531 |
Hey, I need some ice |
1.2711 |
0.03281 |
273 |
212 |
48 |
13 |
532 |
One for the orbit, please. |
1.2711 |
0.03198 |
273 |
210 |
52 |
11 |
533 |
She said she wanted someone cooler. |
1.2710 |
0.03576 |
214 |
164 |
42 |
8 |
534 |
I'm sick of people. |
1.2710 |
0.03372 |
262 |
204 |
45 |
13 |
535 |
So then I find out that my brother 'Pluto' isn't really my brother at all! |
1.2706 |
0.03764 |
218 |
171 |
35 |
12 |
536 |
Part of me feels like my days are getting shorter. |
1.2706 |
0.03248 |
255 |
195 |
51 |
9 |
537 |
A little more ice, please? |
1.2703 |
0.03483 |
259 |
204 |
40 |
15 |
538 |
I'm getting tired of everyone carrying me on their shoulders. |
1.2702 |
0.03589 |
248 |
196 |
37 |
15 |
539 |
The Sun, that bastard, won’t take even one single iota of responsibility.
He’s like, “It’s not me. It’s you!” |
1.2701 |
0.04020 |
211 |
169 |
27 |
15 |
540 |
It's five o'clock everywhere. |
1.2700 |
0.03402 |
237 |
182 |
46 |
9 |
541 |
Am running out of ice !! |
1.2700 |
0.03295 |
237 |
180 |
50 |
7 |
542 |
Can I get some ice with that? |
1.2698 |
0.03622 |
215 |
166 |
40 |
9 |
543 |
No one cares about to me! |
1.2695 |
0.03046 |
282 |
215 |
58 |
9 |
544 |
Just like me, your drinks are 71% water. |
1.2694 |
0.03571 |
245 |
193 |
38 |
14 |
545 |
I haven't had a day off in seven billion years. |
1.2694 |
0.03293 |
271 |
211 |
47 |
13 |
546 |
Does this outfit make me look flat? |
1.2692 |
0.04171 |
208 |
169 |
22 |
17 |
547 |
I’ve got pollution, I’ve got war, and on top of all that, I’ve got Elon Musk. |
1.2691 |
0.03756 |
223 |
176 |
34 |
13 |
548 |
Get me some ice in this, I’m burning up! |
1.2691 |
0.03914 |
223 |
179 |
28 |
16 |
549 |
No, thanks. I don’t need any more nuts. |
1.2689 |
0.03755 |
264 |
216 |
25 |
23 |
550 |
It all started when I heard a big bang! |
1.2688 |
0.03982 |
186 |
145 |
32 |
9 |
551 |
The next round is on me. |
1.2688 |
0.03161 |
253 |
192 |
54 |
7 |
552 |
A little ice over here. I'm burning up. |
1.2685 |
0.03486 |
216 |
165 |
44 |
7 |
553 |
Can you crank up the A/C, please? My ice caps are melting. |
1.2684 |
0.03561 |
231 |
180 |
40 |
11 |
554 |
Are your children as ungrateful as mine? |
1.2683 |
0.03511 |
246 |
193 |
40 |
13 |
555 |
I'm tellin' you, Joe, these 8 billion people are drivin' me to drink. |
1.2681 |
0.03163 |
317 |
251 |
47 |
19 |
556 |
Is there anything we can do about the a/c? |
1.2678 |
0.03271 |
239 |
182 |
50 |
7 |
557 |
She thinks I’m bipolar. |
1.2677 |
0.03654 |
254 |
204 |
32 |
18 |
558 |
I said I want global cooling. |
1.2675 |
0.03424 |
228 |
175 |
45 |
8 |
559 |
Give me some ice, I'm burning up |
1.2673 |
0.03767 |
217 |
171 |
34 |
12 |
560 |
I had it all. Everything revolved around me until Copernicus shows up. |
1.2670 |
0.04503 |
176 |
143 |
19 |
14 |
561 |
Just one more rotation. |
1.2670 |
0.03719 |
221 |
174 |
35 |
12 |
562 |
Mercury and Venus, don't get me started. |
1.2667 |
0.03566 |
240 |
189 |
38 |
13 |
563 |
it was so much easier when I was flat. |
1.2664 |
0.03620 |
244 |
194 |
35 |
15 |
564 |
So she says to me,”why is it so hard to get to your core?” |
1.2664 |
0.03277 |
244 |
187 |
49 |
8 |
565 |
Would humans say Mars is flat if they lived there? |
1.2662 |
0.03263 |
263 |
204 |
48 |
11 |
566 |
People kill me. I mean it literally—they’re trying to kill me. |
1.2662 |
0.03394 |
263 |
207 |
42 |
14 |
567 |
I gotta tell ya, they're killing me. |
1.2661 |
0.03737 |
233 |
186 |
32 |
15 |
568 |
I believe I asked for saltwater. |
1.2658 |
0.03442 |
237 |
184 |
43 |
10 |
569 |
I asked for still, not flat. |
1.2655 |
0.03083 |
275 |
211 |
55 |
9 |
570 |
I’ve been feeling kind of flat, lately. |
1.2654 |
0.03834 |
211 |
167 |
32 |
12 |
571 |
Is it the whiskey or did I just feel a tsunami? |
1.2653 |
0.03607 |
245 |
195 |
35 |
15 |
572 |
And then Atlas shrugged |
1.2652 |
0.03508 |
230 |
179 |
41 |
10 |
573 |
No more happy hour! What's the world coming to? |
1.2651 |
0.03841 |
215 |
171 |
31 |
13 |
574 |
I tell ya, man — my inhabitants just don’t understand me. |
1.2647 |
0.03377 |
238 |
184 |
45 |
9 |
575 |
And if you could stop using styrofoam cups, I’d really appreciate it. |
1.2646 |
0.03262 |
257 |
199 |
48 |
10 |
576 |
Anything cool, please--I'm warming. |
1.2646 |
0.03405 |
223 |
171 |
45 |
7 |
577 |
When I asked him who besides him was going to carry me, Atlas shrugged. |
1.2645 |
0.03819 |
242 |
197 |
26 |
19 |
578 |
I need all the ice you've got and a shot of oxygen. |
1.2641 |
0.03601 |
231 |
182 |
37 |
12 |
579 |
So I says, “I’ll tell you what the world is coming to!” |
1.2639 |
0.03499 |
269 |
216 |
35 |
18 |
580 |
You would not believe the millenium I've had. |
1.2638 |
0.03293 |
235 |
180 |
48 |
7 |
581 |
I bet you're wondering why a guy like me ordered a glass of water. |
1.2638 |
0.03285 |
254 |
197 |
47 |
10 |
582 |
Make it look like an accident. |
1.2637 |
0.02866 |
273 |
205 |
64 |
4 |
583 |
And on top of everything else, my poles are shifting! |
1.2637 |
0.04022 |
201 |
161 |
27 |
13 |
584 |
You’d drink too if you had my problems. |
1.2636 |
0.03370 |
220 |
168 |
46 |
6 |
585 |
It’s terminal – I’ve got humans. |
1.2634 |
0.03729 |
224 |
178 |
33 |
13 |
586 |
Double up on the ice, pal, I'm dyin' here. |
1.2634 |
0.03622 |
243 |
194 |
34 |
15 |
587 |
Keep them coming. I'm going to get polluted |
1.2632 |
0.03187 |
266 |
206 |
50 |
10 |
588 |
I says to Copernicus, “Keep it to yourself.” Such a jerk. |
1.2632 |
0.03467 |
228 |
177 |
42 |
9 |
589 |
Can you believe this heat? |
1.2630 |
0.02834 |
270 |
202 |
65 |
3 |
590 |
You think you have problems!? |
1.2627 |
0.03494 |
236 |
185 |
40 |
11 |
591 |
Hot enough for you? |
1.2626 |
0.03663 |
198 |
153 |
38 |
7 |
592 |
Please just let me have a cold one for once |
1.2625 |
0.03554 |
240 |
190 |
37 |
13 |
593 |
It’s not the heat, it’s the humidity! |
1.2624 |
0.03761 |
221 |
176 |
32 |
13 |
594 |
And that was when I realized, I drink to make other planets interesting. |
1.2624 |
0.03761 |
221 |
176 |
32 |
13 |
595 |
Hey! you really think one drink is going to do it" |
1.2624 |
0.03116 |
263 |
202 |
53 |
8 |
596 |
I'll have another round |
1.2620 |
0.03946 |
187 |
147 |
31 |
9 |
597 |
I swear, Sammy. Two of these and I start to wobble. |
1.2620 |
0.03721 |
229 |
183 |
32 |
14 |
598 |
Just a big cup of ice, please. |
1.2615 |
0.03189 |
218 |
164 |
51 |
3 |
599 |
Please no more plastic cups |
1.2615 |
0.03681 |
218 |
172 |
35 |
11 |
600 |
The only flat thing I am is broke. |
1.2611 |
0.03646 |
226 |
179 |
35 |
12 |
601 |
I'm feeling a little wobbly, but the doc says it's just a seasonal thing... |
1.2611 |
0.03537 |
226 |
177 |
39 |
10 |
602 |
… and so I drink. |
1.2611 |
0.03247 |
226 |
172 |
49 |
5 |
603 |
You call it "blacking out," I call it an eclipse. |
1.2609 |
0.03748 |
207 |
163 |
34 |
10 |
604 |
Seriously. This drawing qualified for The New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest?! |
1.2607 |
0.03730 |
257 |
211 |
25 |
21 |
605 |
You'd better pour me a cold one. |
1.2605 |
0.03618 |
238 |
190 |
34 |
14 |
606 |
I’m thirsty, feverish, sweat soaked and balding. Don’t get me started! |
1.2603 |
0.03528 |
242 |
192 |
37 |
13 |
607 |
None of the other planets have to deal with people! |
1.2602 |
0.03886 |
196 |
155 |
31 |
10 |
608 |
My therapist says to ignore them, but what if I really am flat? |
1.2601 |
0.03785 |
223 |
179 |
30 |
14 |
609 |
No matter who calls, I'm not here. |
1.2601 |
0.03838 |
223 |
180 |
28 |
15 |
610 |
Everything seems to be spinning |
1.2598 |
0.03458 |
254 |
202 |
38 |
14 |
611 |
If I turn a little, can we extend Happy Hour? |
1.2597 |
0.04320 |
181 |
147 |
21 |
13 |
612 |
Frankly, I'm only here 'cos you have air conditioning. |
1.2596 |
0.03159 |
285 |
224 |
48 |
13 |
613 |
Any more worldly advice? |
1.2596 |
0.03547 |
235 |
186 |
37 |
12 |
614 |
Hey! My ice melted! |
1.2594 |
0.03392 |
266 |
212 |
39 |
15 |
615 |
Could I get some more ice,please? |
1.2593 |
0.03515 |
243 |
193 |
37 |
13 |
616 |
I'm, like, hello?!? There can only be one Amazon. |
1.2593 |
0.03923 |
216 |
175 |
26 |
15 |
617 |
You know that movie 'Groundhog Day'? |
1.2591 |
0.03818 |
220 |
177 |
29 |
14 |
618 |
I've been waiting for my sandwich since Pangea |
1.2589 |
0.03377 |
224 |
173 |
44 |
7 |
619 |
Trust me, alcohol is the least of my problems. |
1.2587 |
0.03944 |
201 |
161 |
28 |
12 |
620 |
A plastic cup? You moron! |
1.2586 |
0.03678 |
232 |
186 |
32 |
14 |
621 |
You outta ice too?” |
1.2585 |
0.03533 |
236 |
187 |
37 |
12 |
622 |
Don’t tell me that you’re out of ice! |
1.2585 |
0.03584 |
236 |
188 |
35 |
13 |
623 |
This really is the last shot. |
1.2579 |
0.03522 |
221 |
173 |
39 |
9 |
624 |
On the rocks. Lots of rocks. |
1.2579 |
0.03745 |
190 |
148 |
35 |
7 |
625 |
I just need to cool off a bit, okay? |
1.2577 |
0.03441 |
260 |
208 |
37 |
15 |
626 |
I have people |
1.2577 |
0.03526 |
260 |
210 |
33 |
17 |
627 |
You’d think I’d be flattered, but I just don’t want to be this hot! |
1.2575 |
0.03509 |
233 |
184 |
38 |
11 |
628 |
What's a world supposed to do? |
1.2574 |
0.03718 |
237 |
192 |
29 |
16 |
629 |
Is it warm in here? |
1.2573 |
0.03419 |
206 |
158 |
43 |
5 |
630 |
...but that's just my world view |
1.2571 |
0.03822 |
210 |
168 |
30 |
12 |
631 |
Jeez, is everyone out of ice these days? |
1.2566 |
0.03687 |
226 |
181 |
32 |
13 |
632 |
No more thanks, but I will come back in 24 hours |
1.2565 |
0.03590 |
230 |
183 |
35 |
12 |
633 |
another round please |
1.2563 |
0.03700 |
199 |
156 |
35 |
8 |
634 |
Another round. More ice; hold the CO2. |
1.2558 |
0.03757 |
215 |
172 |
31 |
12 |
635 |
Then she called me toxic. |
1.2557 |
0.03536 |
219 |
172 |
38 |
9 |
636 |
I’ll have my usual. 71% water, 29% terra firma |
1.2557 |
0.03594 |
219 |
173 |
36 |
10 |
637 |
More ice and make it quick! |
1.2555 |
0.03273 |
274 |
218 |
42 |
14 |
638 |
I swear, I’m not Gorbachev. |
1.2554 |
0.03679 |
231 |
186 |
31 |
14 |
639 |
Keep’em coming. I’m in a world of hurt right now. |
1.2553 |
0.03430 |
235 |
185 |
40 |
10 |
640 |
Let me tell ya,I get no respect! |
1.2552 |
0.03178 |
239 |
184 |
49 |
6 |
641 |
Of course I'm old enough to be in here. |
1.2550 |
0.03399 |
200 |
153 |
43 |
4 |
642 |
People say they care, but it doesn’t feel that way. |
1.2549 |
0.03766 |
204 |
162 |
32 |
10 |
643 |
So this lady comes up and says she want to teach me how to sing. |
1.2549 |
0.04074 |
204 |
167 |
22 |
15 |
644 |
Doctor told me that my fever is rising 1.8 degrees a year |
1.2549 |
0.03702 |
204 |
161 |
34 |
9 |
645 |
So then I sez to him, 'Buddy, you think you've got problems...' |
1.2547 |
0.03790 |
212 |
170 |
30 |
12 |
646 |
So, my mother was a cartographer...... |
1.2546 |
0.03683 |
216 |
172 |
33 |
11 |
647 |
I just wanted to know where you source your ice. Mine is all melting. |
1.2545 |
0.03462 |
220 |
172 |
40 |
8 |
648 |
I could really use an icecap. |
1.2541 |
0.03442 |
244 |
194 |
38 |
12 |
649 |
All I can say is I tried. |
1.2540 |
0.03321 |
252 |
199 |
42 |
11 |
650 |
Can I get the next one with extra ice? |
1.2537 |
0.03599 |
201 |
157 |
37 |
7 |
651 |
I couldn't take the heat anymore. |
1.2537 |
0.03458 |
201 |
155 |
41 |
5 |
652 |
Next thing I knew, Atlas shrugged. |
1.2537 |
0.03937 |
205 |
166 |
26 |
13 |
653 |
Now that I'm a regular here, I think I deserve a concave barstool. |
1.2534 |
0.03327 |
221 |
171 |
44 |
6 |
654 |
At first I thought it was hot flashes, but now I think it's global warming. |
1.2533 |
0.03537 |
229 |
182 |
36 |
11 |
655 |
Is it hot in here or is it me? |
1.2532 |
0.03548 |
233 |
186 |
35 |
12 |
656 |
It’s hard to trust someone who made you incontinent, if you get my drift. |
1.2528 |
0.04350 |
178 |
146 |
19 |
13 |
657 |
I miss the old days, like the Ice Age. |
1.2528 |
0.03969 |
178 |
141 |
29 |
8 |
658 |
Some call it evolution, to me it's still slime. |
1.2526 |
0.03873 |
190 |
151 |
30 |
9 |
659 |
Have a few drinks, have a few laughs, I mean what could go wrong? |
1.2524 |
0.03362 |
210 |
162 |
43 |
5 |
660 |
Is it true that I can get dehydrated from this? |
1.2523 |
0.03699 |
214 |
171 |
32 |
11 |
661 |
You're kidding, right? Where am I going to find a designated driver? |
1.2523 |
0.03653 |
218 |
174 |
33 |
11 |
662 |
Didn't help. I'm still the Blue Planet. |
1.2523 |
0.03435 |
222 |
174 |
40 |
8 |
663 |
I've been better. |
1.2522 |
0.03565 |
226 |
180 |
35 |
11 |
664 |
Then I said to her, "I know I was cold to you before, but I've changed!" |
1.2521 |
0.03586 |
234 |
188 |
33 |
13 |
665 |
Women! Now at this late age, they tell me that I am hot. |
1.2521 |
0.03553 |
242 |
195 |
33 |
14 |
666 |
Last call? I'm just warming up! |
1.2520 |
0.03380 |
250 |
199 |
39 |
12 |
667 |
You can just close it. I don't know how much longer I'm going to be here. |
1.2519 |
0.03217 |
258 |
203 |
45 |
10 |
668 |
Everyone just wants to go to Mars! |
1.2513 |
0.03587 |
195 |
152 |
37 |
6 |
669 |
And… he won’t let me TOUCH the thermostat! |
1.2513 |
0.04198 |
199 |
165 |
18 |
16 |
670 |
Sometimes I feel like I'm just going around in circles. |
1.2512 |
0.03608 |
211 |
167 |
35 |
9 |
671 |
It’s like I’ve got the weight of a man on my shoulders. |
1.2511 |
0.03274 |
219 |
169 |
45 |
5 |
672 |
Are you sure Atlas has not been in? He swore he would pick me up here. |
1.2511 |
0.03650 |
223 |
179 |
32 |
12 |
673 |
And then he said i was getting too close to Venus. |
1.2511 |
0.03139 |
235 |
181 |
49 |
5 |
674 |
Any chance you know of a good A/C technician? |
1.2510 |
0.03219 |
239 |
186 |
46 |
7 |
675 |
I never get drunk because I'm mostly water. |
1.2510 |
0.03142 |
255 |
199 |
48 |
8 |
676 |
For 165 million years, me and the dinosaurs had a good thing going. Then that stupid asteroid hits and the next thing I know I'm stuck with you morons! |
1.2510 |
0.03684 |
259 |
215 |
23 |
21 |
677 |
....And Republicans seem surprised that I'm not flat. |
1.2500 |
0.03784 |
216 |
175 |
28 |
13 |
678 |
If you had to support eight billion people, you'd need a drink too. |
1.2500 |
0.03892 |
188 |
150 |
29 |
9 |
679 |
Can you PLEASE turn the air on? |
1.2500 |
0.03100 |
232 |
178 |
50 |
4 |
680 |
This is an oxygen bar, isn’t it? |
1.2500 |
0.03330 |
244 |
193 |
41 |
10 |
681 |
Listen, I’m not flat and I do have an end! |
1.2500 |
0.03549 |
216 |
171 |
36 |
9 |
682 |
Remember, I'm your mother. Doesn't that count for something? |
1.2500 |
0.03279 |
244 |
192 |
43 |
9 |
683 |
You wouldn't believe the century I've had! |
1.2500 |
0.03380 |
244 |
194 |
39 |
11 |
684 |
Gimme a highball, but hold the carbonation. |
1.2500 |
0.03356 |
252 |
201 |
39 |
12 |
685 |
Hey! Where’d my ice go? |
1.2489 |
0.03689 |
233 |
190 |
28 |
15 |
686 |
Can you get me another drink? I am having a world of troubles! |
1.2489 |
0.03240 |
229 |
178 |
45 |
6 |
687 |
I swear, I'm not flat, just a little tipsy! |
1.2489 |
0.03493 |
221 |
175 |
37 |
9 |
688 |
It's just so hard being bipolar. |
1.2488 |
0.03748 |
209 |
168 |
30 |
11 |
689 |
I'm getting tried of being asked what in the world is going on. |
1.2488 |
0.03748 |
209 |
168 |
30 |
11 |
690 |
Pluto's still outside asking us to buy him drinks. |
1.2488 |
0.03511 |
201 |
157 |
38 |
6 |
691 |
These people are killing me |
1.2487 |
0.03748 |
193 |
153 |
32 |
8 |
692 |
...and then he MOONED me! |
1.2487 |
0.03958 |
193 |
156 |
26 |
11 |
693 |
Ever feel like you're just going around in circles" |
1.2484 |
0.04408 |
161 |
131 |
20 |
10 |
694 |
Here we are again, solving the world's problems. |
1.2479 |
0.03161 |
238 |
185 |
47 |
6 |
695 |
I feel the weight of the world on my ... well, actually, all over! |
1.2479 |
0.03573 |
234 |
189 |
32 |
13 |
696 |
I know what you’re thinking! It’s a small world after all. |
1.2478 |
0.03766 |
226 |
185 |
26 |
15 |
697 |
Monde dieu! |
1.2478 |
0.03202 |
226 |
175 |
46 |
5 |
698 |
Is it warming up in here…or is it me? |
1.2477 |
0.03537 |
222 |
177 |
35 |
10 |
699 |
All agree that I'm getting hotter so why can't I attract a date? |
1.2475 |
0.03634 |
202 |
160 |
34 |
8 |
700 |
I can't feel my legs! |
1.2474 |
0.04265 |
194 |
162 |
16 |
16 |
701 |
“If the moon calls, tell her I’m not here.” |
1.2474 |
0.03708 |
190 |
150 |
33 |
7 |
702 |
I have been taking care of you, please take care of me. |
1.2473 |
0.04197 |
186 |
153 |
20 |
13 |
703 |
If only Global Warming was all I had to worry about… |
1.2469 |
0.03366 |
239 |
190 |
39 |
10 |
704 |
Pop,
Set em up
before I pop! |
1.2469 |
0.03094 |
239 |
185 |
49 |
5 |
705 |
I don't know how else to explain it. That's just the way of the world. |
1.2466 |
0.03223 |
223 |
173 |
45 |
5 |
706 |
You’re the only one who listens to me. |
1.2463 |
0.03481 |
203 |
159 |
38 |
6 |
707 |
No more. I'm spinning already. |
1.2462 |
0.03714 |
195 |
155 |
32 |
8 |
708 |
I don't know what this world is coming to. |
1.2454 |
0.03712 |
216 |
175 |
29 |
12 |
709 |
I’m anxious, stressed, I’m all over the map. |
1.2449 |
0.03697 |
196 |
156 |
32 |
8 |
710 |
I swear, Pluto's not mine. |
1.2448 |
0.03071 |
241 |
187 |
49 |
5 |
711 |
Keep those hurricanes coming. |
1.2446 |
0.03191 |
233 |
182 |
45 |
6 |
712 |
Sir, I’m just boiling in here. Can you turn down the thermostat? |
1.2446 |
0.03249 |
233 |
183 |
43 |
7 |
713 |
I don' know which way to turn. |
1.2446 |
0.03696 |
184 |
145 |
33 |
6 |
714 |
I'm a small world after all." |
1.2443 |
0.04128 |
176 |
143 |
23 |
10 |
715 |
I feel like I'm goin' to hell, I tell yuh. |
1.2442 |
0.03146 |
258 |
204 |
45 |
9 |
716 |
Next thing I know, I've been mooned." |
1.2442 |
0.04113 |
172 |
139 |
24 |
9 |
717 |
I keep telling them I’m sick. Nobody listens but you! |
1.2439 |
0.03967 |
205 |
169 |
22 |
14 |
718 |
I wouldn’t wish my last four-billion years on anyone. |
1.2439 |
0.03718 |
205 |
165 |
30 |
10 |
719 |
There’s no atmosphere in here. |
1.2439 |
0.03310 |
205 |
159 |
42 |
4 |
720 |
And then she said, 'Well, just get out of the kitchen!' |
1.2439 |
0.04159 |
164 |
132 |
24 |
8 |
721 |
This drink is making my head spin. Keep them coming. |
1.2435 |
0.03271 |
230 |
181 |
42 |
7 |
722 |
Seriously! Plastic? |
1.2434 |
0.03998 |
189 |
154 |
24 |
11 |
723 |
I'm over 14 billion years old. How about a little respect! |
1.2431 |
0.03565 |
218 |
175 |
33 |
10 |
724 |
Yeah, one more please, I’m feeling kind of flat today. |
1.2424 |
0.04225 |
165 |
134 |
22 |
9 |
725 |
Listen, it’s 5 o’ clock in this region right here. |
1.2422 |
0.03565 |
223 |
180 |
32 |
11 |
726 |
If God calls, I'm not here. |
1.2421 |
0.03764 |
190 |
152 |
30 |
8 |
727 |
I’m trying to reduce my bourbon footprint. |
1.2421 |
0.04117 |
190 |
157 |
20 |
13 |
728 |
My wife and I are worlds apart. |
1.2419 |
0.03471 |
215 |
171 |
36 |
8 |
729 |
I coulda been a star! |
1.2418 |
0.04546 |
153 |
126 |
17 |
10 |
730 |
Is this drink getting warmer, or is it just me? |
1.2418 |
0.03304 |
244 |
195 |
39 |
10 |
731 |
Let me tell you where it all went wrong. |
1.2417 |
0.03287 |
240 |
191 |
40 |
9 |
732 |
I threw it all at them: record-hot summers, wildfires, earthquakes, volcanos, floods, oversized hurricanes - yet people still won't listen. |
1.2415 |
0.03991 |
207 |
172 |
20 |
15 |
733 |
When does the priest and the rabbi show up? |
1.2414 |
0.03069 |
232 |
180 |
48 |
4 |
734 |
...I can't seem to stop moving in the same old circles. |
1.2414 |
0.03799 |
203 |
165 |
27 |
11 |
735 |
Well, it's Earth Day somewhere. |
1.2414 |
0.03734 |
203 |
164 |
29 |
10 |
736 |
Then to cap it all, Atlas left me, |
1.2411 |
0.03377 |
224 |
178 |
38 |
8 |
737 |
They want me to drink methane too! |
1.2410 |
0.04103 |
195 |
162 |
19 |
14 |
738 |
Weight of the world? I am the world! |
1.2410 |
0.03696 |
195 |
156 |
31 |
8 |
739 |
But why can't they treat me like I'm irreplaceable? |
1.2410 |
0.03258 |
249 |
199 |
40 |
10 |
740 |
Better make it a double, global warming is a bitch! |
1.2409 |
0.03594 |
220 |
178 |
31 |
11 |
741 |
Global warming has really got me down |
1.2409 |
0.03229 |
220 |
172 |
43 |
5 |
742 |
Do you know what it’s like going around in circles 24 hours a day |
1.2408 |
0.04230 |
191 |
160 |
16 |
15 |
743 |
Don't you think I know that I'm a hot mess? |
1.2406 |
0.03804 |
212 |
174 |
25 |
13 |
744 |
Club soda, please. I'm already polluted. |
1.2404 |
0.03794 |
208 |
170 |
26 |
12 |
745 |
Ok, but it better be Earth shattering. |
1.2402 |
0.03448 |
204 |
161 |
37 |
6 |
746 |
What time does happy hour begin? |
1.2402 |
0.03115 |
254 |
201 |
45 |
8 |
747 |
Is it just me or is the room spinning? |
1.2400 |
0.03883 |
175 |
140 |
28 |
7 |
748 |
Do you have a plastic straw? |
1.2400 |
0.03962 |
200 |
165 |
22 |
13 |
749 |
She keeps acting like everything revolves around her. |
1.2400 |
0.03561 |
200 |
159 |
34 |
7 |
750 |
I’m through letting people walk all over me. |
1.2400 |
0.03631 |
200 |
160 |
32 |
8 |
751 |
Sure, I love the moon, but sometimes I need a little space. |
1.2396 |
0.03442 |
217 |
173 |
36 |
8 |
752 |
Bartender, ice please, it's way too hot in here. |
1.2396 |
0.03564 |
217 |
175 |
32 |
10 |
753 |
The world keeps changing: it’s sphere today, gone tomorrow. |
1.2394 |
0.03608 |
213 |
172 |
31 |
10 |
754 |
Could I get some Ice please? I need to cool down! |
1.2394 |
0.03780 |
188 |
151 |
29 |
8 |
755 |
An order of ozone, please! |
1.2393 |
0.03598 |
234 |
192 |
28 |
14 |
756 |
Whoa, the room is spinning! Oh wait, that’s me. |
1.2393 |
0.04337 |
163 |
134 |
19 |
10 |
757 |
Maybe they’ll all have to move to Mars — unfortunately for Mars. |
1.2391 |
0.03589 |
230 |
188 |
29 |
13 |
758 |
Wow, where in the world do I start? |
1.2391 |
0.03910 |
184 |
149 |
26 |
9 |
759 |
Could I have some water please? Doc says that my condition is worsening. |
1.2390 |
0.04228 |
159 |
129 |
22 |
8 |
760 |
You're right. I've had enough. |
1.2389 |
0.03351 |
226 |
180 |
38 |
8 |
761 |
I am thinking about leaving the galaxy. |
1.2389 |
0.03170 |
226 |
177 |
44 |
5 |
762 |
No ice? C'mon man, I'm burning up here |
1.2388 |
0.03816 |
201 |
164 |
26 |
11 |
763 |
You don't have any ice either? |
1.2388 |
0.03615 |
201 |
161 |
32 |
8 |
764 |
Are you sure this is 97% salt water? |
1.2387 |
0.03266 |
222 |
175 |
41 |
6 |
765 |
You don’t know what it’s like having the weight of the world on your shoulders. |
1.2386 |
0.03662 |
197 |
158 |
31 |
8 |
766 |
And then she said, “I’m Venus and I can spin by myself.” |
1.2385 |
0.03724 |
218 |
179 |
26 |
13 |
767 |
Hey, barkeep! I need more ice! |
1.2385 |
0.03549 |
218 |
176 |
32 |
10 |
768 |
I've been diagnosed as bipolar years ago |
1.2385 |
0.03493 |
239 |
195 |
31 |
13 |
769 |
I'll have another - anything to make me forget all the hot flashes lately. |
1.2381 |
0.03700 |
210 |
171 |
28 |
11 |
770 |
I should have just been a moon. |
1.2381 |
0.03170 |
210 |
163 |
44 |
3 |
771 |
I am dying. Make it a double |
1.2379 |
0.03277 |
206 |
161 |
41 |
4 |
772 |
She says I am flat |
1.2377 |
0.03493 |
223 |
180 |
33 |
10 |
773 |
It's warm here |
1.2372 |
0.03054 |
215 |
166 |
47 |
2 |
774 |
No ice. Hilarious |
1.2371 |
0.03508 |
232 |
189 |
31 |
12 |
775 |
And then she called me geocentric...can you believe that? |
1.2370 |
0.03623 |
211 |
171 |
30 |
10 |
776 |
I need Love, Sweet, Love. |
1.2368 |
0.03744 |
190 |
153 |
29 |
8 |
777 |
Next round, as always, is on me. |
1.2367 |
0.04048 |
169 |
137 |
24 |
8 |
778 |
Well, if you think you've got it rough, come live in my world for a day. |
1.2365 |
0.03782 |
203 |
166 |
26 |
11 |
779 |
And then she said I could be hotter |
1.2365 |
0.04032 |
203 |
170 |
18 |
15 |
780 |
You'd drink too if all you ever heard all day was, "Hey, small world." |
1.2364 |
0.04374 |
165 |
137 |
17 |
11 |
781 |
Maybe if I get totally drunk people will fall off of me and I will feel better. |
1.2364 |
0.04022 |
165 |
133 |
25 |
7 |
782 |
Where in the world am I? |
1.2362 |
0.03629 |
199 |
160 |
31 |
8 |
783 |
People suck. |
1.2358 |
0.03729 |
212 |
174 |
26 |
12 |
784 |
What happened to the priest and rabbi I walked in with? |
1.2358 |
0.03729 |
212 |
174 |
26 |
12 |
785 |
What’s a World gotta do to get some service around here? |
1.2358 |
0.03144 |
212 |
165 |
44 |
3 |
786 |
I used to have hair on the back too, but now look at me! |
1.2358 |
0.03214 |
212 |
166 |
42 |
4 |
787 |
Keep it full until I start spinning. |
1.2356 |
0.04130 |
174 |
143 |
21 |
10 |
788 |
She said I wasn't down-to-earth enough. |
1.2356 |
0.03589 |
208 |
168 |
31 |
9 |
789 |
And then they invented plastic! |
1.2353 |
0.03447 |
221 |
178 |
34 |
9 |
790 |
They're walking all over me, I tell ya. |
1.2353 |
0.03853 |
187 |
152 |
26 |
9 |
791 |
Whadja put in this? My head's spinning!!! |
1.2350 |
0.03374 |
234 |
189 |
35 |
10 |
792 |
Excuse me, is this organic. |
1.2350 |
0.03548 |
217 |
176 |
31 |
10 |
793 |
Apparently,Retirement isn’t
an option……. |
1.2350 |
0.03488 |
217 |
175 |
33 |
9 |
794 |
Hey this is a Hurricane. I asked for a Sea Breeze. |
1.2350 |
0.03750 |
200 |
163 |
27 |
10 |
795 |
I’m telling you this drink is flat - not me! |
1.2350 |
0.04205 |
183 |
153 |
17 |
13 |
796 |
I drink because I have Venus envy. |
1.2347 |
0.03653 |
213 |
174 |
28 |
11 |
797 |
I'm in a world of trouble, you have no idea. |
1.2347 |
0.03660 |
196 |
158 |
30 |
8 |
798 |
Do me a favor and stop saying 'small world.' |
1.2347 |
0.03439 |
196 |
155 |
36 |
5 |
799 |
Mind adjusting AC? I’m a bit too warm. |
1.2344 |
0.03508 |
209 |
168 |
33 |
8 |
800 |
So, I just found out I have humans. |
1.2344 |
0.03573 |
209 |
169 |
31 |
9 |
801 |
I need a stiff drink. I'm having a meltdown. |
1.2344 |
0.03709 |
192 |
155 |
29 |
8 |
802 |
May I have some ice? I feel a bit warm. |
1.2344 |
0.03709 |
192 |
155 |
29 |
8 |
803 |
I”m not flat but I’m flat broke. |
1.2341 |
0.03552 |
205 |
165 |
32 |
8 |
804 |
I can't abide these hot flashes anymore. |
1.2340 |
0.03079 |
235 |
185 |
45 |
5 |
805 |
I'm 4.5 billion years old, and you're still going to card me?! |
1.2340 |
0.04996 |
141 |
120 |
9 |
12 |
806 |
They keep calling me flat...do I look flat to you? |
1.2339 |
0.04091 |
171 |
140 |
22 |
9 |
807 |
Do you really want to know or are you just being polite? |
1.2337 |
0.03966 |
184 |
151 |
23 |
10 |
808 |
I used to be a big star. |
1.2335 |
0.04069 |
167 |
136 |
23 |
8 |
809 |
I'll have the continental breakfast. |
1.2335 |
0.04156 |
167 |
137 |
21 |
9 |
810 |
I had my choice of planets, Neptune, Saturn or any of them. But no I had to choose Earth. You'd be drinking too. |
1.2335 |
0.03424 |
197 |
156 |
36 |
5 |
811 |
I'm not drunk, it's my continental drift. |
1.2335 |
0.03644 |
197 |
159 |
30 |
8 |
812 |
My children give me Earth Day, but what about the rest of the year? |
1.2333 |
0.03868 |
180 |
146 |
26 |
8 |
813 |
I just can't get away from it all. |
1.2331 |
0.04314 |
163 |
135 |
18 |
10 |
814 |
I’m drunk off my axis.”
“Where is the restroom? Gotta go drain the ole south pole |
1.2331 |
0.03454 |
236 |
193 |
31 |
12 |
815 |
So get this, she's like, "You're not cool anymore." |
1.2330 |
0.04007 |
176 |
144 |
23 |
9 |
816 |
You would think they'd respect their "Mother" |
1.2330 |
0.04166 |
176 |
146 |
19 |
11 |
817 |
So then then, Zeus was like I gotta punish Atlas. So he's gonna carry you everywhere. Have you smelled that guy? Tell me who's getting punished here? |
1.2330 |
0.03925 |
176 |
143 |
25 |
8 |
818 |
I need new ownership but the Aliens won't make an offer! |
1.2328 |
0.04032 |
189 |
157 |
20 |
12 |
819 |
Trust me, it's half empty. |
1.2327 |
0.03649 |
202 |
164 |
29 |
9 |
820 |
Can you tell me what a hand basket looks like? |
1.2327 |
0.03846 |
202 |
167 |
23 |
12 |
821 |
It feels like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders |
1.2326 |
0.03438 |
215 |
173 |
34 |
8 |
822 |
Who is this “Gorbachev?” |
1.2326 |
0.03810 |
172 |
138 |
28 |
6 |
823 |
I'm going bald too! |
1.2324 |
0.03946 |
185 |
152 |
23 |
10 |
824 |
Oh no, I just sat on a pole. |
1.2324 |
0.03871 |
185 |
151 |
25 |
9 |
825 |
…so she says ‘ you my friend live in a world of your own’… |
1.2323 |
0.04560 |
155 |
130 |
14 |
11 |
826 |
Is there a carbon credit for not ordering ice? |
1.2321 |
0.04219 |
168 |
139 |
19 |
10 |
827 |
Could I get a little more ice? |
1.2321 |
0.03958 |
168 |
136 |
25 |
7 |
828 |
I don't care what you give me, just give it a lot of ice. |
1.2320 |
0.03768 |
181 |
146 |
28 |
7 |
829 |
I need to cut about 8 billion people out of my life. Then I'll begin to feel normal again. |
1.2318 |
0.04249 |
151 |
123 |
21 |
7 |
830 |
Lately I've been feeling kinda flat. |
1.2318 |
0.04646 |
151 |
127 |
13 |
11 |
831 |
The reason I drink so much is because I’m bipolar. |
1.2316 |
0.04144 |
177 |
147 |
19 |
11 |
832 |
I’m telling ya man, there’s these little things crawling all over me! |
1.2315 |
0.03486 |
216 |
175 |
32 |
9 |
833 |
Of course I worry about arms control. |
1.2312 |
0.03698 |
186 |
150 |
29 |
7 |
834 |
You're wrong! This is your last call! |
1.2312 |
0.03852 |
186 |
152 |
25 |
9 |
835 |
My hot flashes are getting worse and worse every year! |
1.2312 |
0.03816 |
199 |
164 |
24 |
11 |
836 |
I really just need Water. |
1.2311 |
0.03507 |
225 |
184 |
30 |
11 |
837 |
My doctor said I am way too old for hot flashes so something else is causing all of these problems. |
1.2308 |
0.03414 |
234 |
191 |
32 |
11 |
838 |
I need ice, and hurry, please! |
1.2308 |
0.03467 |
234 |
192 |
30 |
12 |
839 |
Another one for the road? |
1.2308 |
0.03370 |
221 |
178 |
35 |
8 |
840 |
Could you please turn down the thermostat? |
1.2308 |
0.04152 |
156 |
127 |
22 |
7 |
841 |
How many times do I gotta tell you this? IM HOT! |
1.2304 |
0.03397 |
230 |
187 |
33 |
10 |
842 |
Why can't you see my point? |
1.2304 |
0.03396 |
191 |
151 |
36 |
4 |
843 |
I've tried wildfires, hurricanes, earthquakes...and I still can't get the humans to leave. |
1.2303 |
0.04045 |
178 |
147 |
21 |
10 |
844 |
I'm a glass half full kind of guy, but this is ridiculous. |
1.2303 |
0.03885 |
178 |
145 |
25 |
8 |
845 |
I may seem more worldly, but I'm really just depressed. |
1.2303 |
0.03885 |
178 |
145 |
25 |
8 |
846 |
It wasn’t a conference after all. It was an intervention! Mars, Venus…everyone said I’ve changed and not for the better. |
1.2303 |
0.04199 |
178 |
149 |
17 |
12 |
847 |
If a young Swedish girl calls I'm not here. |
1.2303 |
0.04179 |
165 |
136 |
20 |
9 |
848 |
No more for me. I'm already spinning! |
1.2301 |
0.03493 |
226 |
185 |
30 |
11 |
849 |
When I stop drinking I feel like I'm covered with bugs. |
1.2300 |
0.03318 |
213 |
170 |
37 |
6 |
850 |
I know...they think I'm bigger. |
1.2300 |
0.03524 |
200 |
161 |
32 |
7 |
851 |
I'll have large cup of COOLADE! |
1.2300 |
0.03452 |
200 |
160 |
34 |
6 |
852 |
Yeah, you try it for an eon or two. |
1.2297 |
0.03357 |
222 |
179 |
35 |
8 |
853 |
Can I get an ice age? |
1.2297 |
0.03424 |
209 |
168 |
34 |
7 |
854 |
Can I get all of your ice? |
1.2295 |
0.03699 |
244 |
207 |
18 |
19 |
855 |
I feel like I just keep going around in circles." |
1.2294 |
0.03518 |
218 |
178 |
30 |
10 |
856 |
Sam, how would you feel if 20 times a day you heard someone say you're going to Hell? |
1.2292 |
0.04593 |
144 |
120 |
15 |
9 |
857 |
I bet you never run out of ice! |
1.2291 |
0.03866 |
179 |
146 |
25 |
8 |
858 |
If you stopped serving meat I'd have a chance |
1.2290 |
0.03099 |
214 |
168 |
43 |
3 |
859 |
With ice. |
1.2289 |
0.04243 |
166 |
138 |
18 |
10 |
860 |
My son thinks everything revolves around him. |
1.2289 |
0.04156 |
166 |
137 |
20 |
9 |
861 |
Yeah, it's been all downhill for me since Atlas shrugged... |
1.2287 |
0.03740 |
188 |
153 |
27 |
8 |
862 |
Actually, it's last call for you. |
1.2287 |
0.04032 |
188 |
157 |
19 |
12 |
863 |
So I keep having hot flashes like I’m on fire, and then I’m freezing cold and no one will listen to me! |
1.2286 |
0.03541 |
210 |
171 |
30 |
9 |
864 |
Tell me. How do you cope with losing your polar cap? |
1.2284 |
0.03765 |
197 |
162 |
25 |
10 |
865 |
I just can't believe Jimmy Buffet died. |
1.2280 |
0.03886 |
193 |
160 |
22 |
11 |
866 |
'I'll have a Dark and Stormy |
1.2278 |
0.04297 |
158 |
131 |
18 |
9 |
867 |
Make it a double. I gave Atlas the day off and my feet are killing me. |
1.2278 |
0.03419 |
180 |
142 |
35 |
3 |
868 |
The Moon hasn't spoken to me in six million years. |
1.2277 |
0.03631 |
202 |
165 |
28 |
9 |
869 |
This drink isn't carbonated, is it? |
1.2277 |
0.03698 |
202 |
166 |
26 |
10 |
870 |
I’m gonna need, like, waaay more ice in this. |
1.2276 |
0.04564 |
145 |
121 |
15 |
9 |
871 |
Excuse me? Would you mind turning on the air conditioning? |
1.2275 |
0.03870 |
189 |
156 |
23 |
10 |
872 |
Yes, I started on “As the World Turns” years ago but the network did didn’t renew my contract. It’s earth-shattering really. |
1.2275 |
0.03645 |
189 |
153 |
29 |
7 |
873 |
I just feel like this guy has the weight of me on his shoulders... |
1.2275 |
0.03070 |
233 |
185 |
43 |
5 |
874 |
And why is Earth Day in April? My birthday is in September. |
1.2273 |
0.03985 |
176 |
145 |
22 |
9 |
875 |
Yes a hurricane ... but in a pilsner glass. I don't need any more trouble. |
1.2271 |
0.03635 |
207 |
170 |
27 |
10 |
876 |
I just get this feeling no one will ever really know what's at my core. |
1.2270 |
0.03695 |
185 |
150 |
28 |
7 |
877 |
I feel like they're crawling all over me |
1.2270 |
0.04017 |
163 |
133 |
23 |
7 |
878 |
Sir, you don’t understand. If I don’t continue drinking, I will stop spinning. |
1.2267 |
0.03961 |
172 |
141 |
23 |
8 |
879 |
Right! My hairline too! |
1.2266 |
0.03681 |
203 |
167 |
26 |
10 |
880 |
Do you ever feel like your just going around in circles? |
1.2266 |
0.03334 |
203 |
162 |
36 |
5 |
881 |
Honestly, do I look like I'm under twenty-one? |
1.2265 |
0.03906 |
181 |
149 |
23 |
9 |
882 |
I go from burning up to freezing, unexpected tremors and winds, can't cultivate anything and these tenants who think they can help me, when they're the problem. |
1.2265 |
0.04135 |
181 |
152 |
17 |
12 |
883 |
No one understands me. |
1.2265 |
0.03311 |
181 |
142 |
37 |
2 |
884 |
Got any icecaps? |
1.2263 |
0.03628 |
190 |
154 |
29 |
7 |
885 |
First my hair turned white, now it is all falling out. |
1.2263 |
0.03307 |
190 |
150 |
37 |
3 |
886 |
Nice atmosphere you got here. |
1.2263 |
0.03778 |
190 |
156 |
25 |
9 |
887 |
Wake up. Spin. Go to sleep. Spin. I gotta get another job. |
1.2262 |
0.04023 |
168 |
138 |
22 |
8 |
888 |
Yeah, I was the source for drilling all that oil, but it was never my idea to burn it! |
1.2261 |
0.03661 |
199 |
163 |
27 |
9 |
889 |
It is really hot in here or is it just me? |
1.2261 |
0.03492 |
230 |
190 |
28 |
12 |
890 |
My shrink tells me I should worry less. My troubles will soon be over. |
1.2260 |
0.03421 |
208 |
168 |
33 |
7 |
891 |
And you really believe that someday there will be a happy hour again? |
1.2258 |
0.03515 |
186 |
149 |
32 |
5 |
892 |
What do you mean, “How’s the world been treating you?“ |
1.2258 |
0.03907 |
186 |
154 |
22 |
10 |
893 |
I keep getting this warming sensation. |
1.2258 |
0.03597 |
186 |
150 |
30 |
6 |
894 |
I KNOW I look hot! |
1.2258 |
0.03980 |
186 |
155 |
20 |
11 |
895 |
I feel flushed, do I look flushed? |
1.2254 |
0.03854 |
173 |
141 |
25 |
7 |
896 |
THIS motherfucker… |
1.2254 |
0.03857 |
213 |
180 |
18 |
15 |
897 |
Oh Atlantis? My derm said it was suspicious, had it scraped. |
1.2253 |
0.03727 |
182 |
148 |
27 |
7 |
898 |
Hard to date when you’re constantly on the move. |
1.2253 |
0.03808 |
182 |
149 |
25 |
8 |
899 |
What in the world is happening to me...? |
1.2251 |
0.03761 |
191 |
157 |
25 |
9 |
900 |
My ice keeps melting. |
1.2250 |
0.03176 |
240 |
194 |
38 |
8 |
901 |
She's about one quarter my size, pocked marked with craters, but reflects light in a lovely romantic way. Have you seen her? |
1.2249 |
0.04088 |
169 |
140 |
20 |
9 |
902 |
Look, I'm 4 1/2 billion years old
and these 315,000 year old brats
think they own the place.
Give me a double! |
1.2247 |
0.03944 |
178 |
147 |
22 |
9 |
903 |
Can I get this decarbonated? |
1.2247 |
0.04102 |
178 |
149 |
18 |
11 |
904 |
Whatever, it's not like it's the end of the world. |
1.2247 |
0.03231 |
227 |
183 |
37 |
7 |
905 |
You gave me neat, I said over. |
1.2246 |
0.04033 |
187 |
157 |
18 |
12 |
906 |
I still miss the Ice Age. |
1.2246 |
0.03498 |
187 |
150 |
32 |
5 |
907 |
My ex was the best...very religious...looked at me like I was only 5,000 |
1.2245 |
0.03693 |
196 |
161 |
26 |
9 |
908 |
I'm so hot I'm gonna need an ice age to cool off! |
1.2242 |
0.04154 |
165 |
137 |
19 |
9 |
909 |
This job isn't what it used to be. |
1.2241 |
0.04004 |
174 |
144 |
21 |
9 |
910 |
He said it like a “globalist” is a bad thing. |
1.2240 |
0.03627 |
183 |
148 |
29 |
6 |
911 |
Please take my keys—the room is spinning. |
1.2239 |
0.03559 |
201 |
164 |
29 |
8 |
912 |
My head is spinning |
1.2238 |
0.03391 |
210 |
170 |
33 |
7 |
913 |
More water! |
1.2237 |
0.03426 |
219 |
179 |
31 |
9 |
914 |
Beware…the end is near! |
1.2237 |
0.04298 |
152 |
126 |
18 |
8 |
915 |
And then they keep drilling holes in me. In unspeakable places. |
1.2236 |
0.03465 |
237 |
197 |
27 |
13 |
916 |
I feel like I got my own weight on my shoulders! |
1.2235 |
0.03980 |
170 |
140 |
22 |
8 |
917 |
If the future calls, tell it I’m not here. |
1.2235 |
0.04066 |
170 |
141 |
20 |
9 |
918 |
My life's one disaster after another! |
1.2235 |
0.03676 |
179 |
145 |
28 |
6 |
919 |
I need a cold drink that's not carbonated. |
1.2235 |
0.03590 |
179 |
144 |
30 |
5 |
920 |
I take the same route every day but today he decides to pull me over. Tells me I’m going almost 1,000 miles per hour. |
1.2234 |
0.03458 |
197 |
159 |
32 |
6 |
921 |
After all I've done for them, is it too much to ask for a little respect? |
1.2234 |
0.03532 |
197 |
160 |
30 |
7 |
922 |
Sure, I'd love to leave the Solar System, but I don't think you understand the gravity of the situation. |
1.2230 |
0.04479 |
148 |
124 |
15 |
9 |
923 |
What about a round for me? |
1.2230 |
0.04375 |
148 |
123 |
17 |
8 |
924 |
Sometimes I feel like a jigsaw puzzle with a few pieces missing. |
1.2229 |
0.04200 |
157 |
130 |
19 |
8 |
925 |
Is it just me or is it warm in here? |
1.2229 |
0.03983 |
175 |
145 |
21 |
9 |
926 |
And then, before I knew it, the jerk had me on a string and started singing about it. It was horrible, horrible. |
1.2227 |
0.03264 |
229 |
186 |
35 |
8 |
927 |
I feel the earth move under my feet |
1.2222 |
0.03572 |
180 |
145 |
30 |
5 |
928 |
Mind if I ask if any people ruined your life? |
1.2222 |
0.03658 |
180 |
146 |
28 |
6 |
929 |
Do you ever feel like you're carrying the weight of the world? |
1.2222 |
0.04066 |
153 |
125 |
22 |
6 |
930 |
It ain't right Gus. After four billion years together Mother Nature packs up and moves in with her sister in Jersey. |
1.2222 |
0.03824 |
180 |
148 |
24 |
8 |
931 |
She was the most beautiful world in the world. |
1.2217 |
0.03663 |
203 |
168 |
25 |
10 |
932 |
Can you find a Manhattan? |
1.2216 |
0.03829 |
185 |
153 |
23 |
9 |
933 |
Why do people call me the blue planet? I can be happy! |
1.2216 |
0.03708 |
176 |
143 |
27 |
6 |
934 |
A birthmark, no, that's South America. |
1.2216 |
0.03795 |
176 |
144 |
25 |
7 |
935 |
If Venus calls, tell her I’m not here. |
1.2216 |
0.04123 |
176 |
148 |
17 |
11 |
936 |
The world needs something but the man just stands there |
1.2215 |
0.04271 |
158 |
132 |
17 |
9 |
937 |
Hey, I'm melting over here. |
1.2212 |
0.03333 |
208 |
168 |
34 |
6 |
938 |
No ice? |
1.2212 |
0.03402 |
208 |
169 |
32 |
7 |
939 |
Could I have more ice? |
1.2212 |
0.03402 |
208 |
169 |
32 |
7 |
940 |
How could I possibly be flat? It's so annoying. |
1.2211 |
0.03846 |
199 |
167 |
20 |
12 |
941 |
I know its crazy, but I am in love with Exxon and Greta Thunberg. |
1.2211 |
0.03903 |
190 |
159 |
20 |
11 |
942 |
Pardon me, is the room spinning or is it just me? |
1.2210 |
0.03640 |
181 |
147 |
28 |
6 |
943 |
Last call, it's only 2023?! |
1.2209 |
0.03850 |
172 |
141 |
24 |
7 |
944 |
If I hear " It's a small world" one more time, I'm gonna burst. |
1.2209 |
0.04023 |
172 |
143 |
20 |
9 |
945 |
For me it's one revolution after another. |
1.2209 |
0.03990 |
163 |
134 |
22 |
7 |
946 |
Another frozen mojito, please ... and could you turn the AC down one-and-a-half degrees Celsius? |
1.2208 |
0.04247 |
154 |
128 |
18 |
8 |
947 |
I don’t just have the world on my shoulders; I am the world. |
1.2207 |
0.03282 |
213 |
172 |
35 |
6 |
948 |
Climate Change, the War in Ukraine, Donald Trump, Hell yes!!!! I’m having a double ‘cause it’s five o’clock all over me! |
1.2206 |
0.03580 |
204 |
168 |
27 |
9 |
949 |
And then they say they're leaving me like I'm the problem! |
1.2204 |
0.03574 |
186 |
151 |
29 |
6 |
950 |
Turns out we were polar opposites -- literally. |
1.2204 |
0.03733 |
186 |
153 |
25 |
8 |
951 |
She thinks my life revolves around hers. |
1.2204 |
0.03492 |
186 |
150 |
31 |
5 |
952 |
What's my poison? Humans. |
1.2203 |
0.03860 |
177 |
146 |
23 |
8 |
953 |
Does it look like it's receding? |
1.2201 |
0.04151 |
159 |
132 |
19 |
8 |
954 |
Do you get my continental drift? |
1.2201 |
0.03387 |
209 |
170 |
32 |
7 |
955 |
Just hand me the bottle. I'm always five o'clock somewhere. |
1.2201 |
0.03649 |
209 |
174 |
24 |
11 |
956 |
My people don’t understand me! |
1.2200 |
0.04322 |
150 |
125 |
17 |
8 |
957 |
Do you know what it is like to have the world's problems? |
1.2200 |
0.03484 |
200 |
163 |
30 |
7 |
958 |
Don't ask about Madonna's World Tour! |
1.2199 |
0.03740 |
191 |
158 |
24 |
9 |
959 |
So, a grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender say, "we've
got a drink named after you". The grasshopper replies, "you've got
a drink called, 'Tom'? |
1.2198 |
0.04311 |
182 |
157 |
10 |
15 |
960 |
So I told her, ‘You knew this when you married me… I’ve always been bipolar.’ |
1.2198 |
0.03786 |
182 |
150 |
24 |
8 |
961 |
They never ever ask how I feel...and the things they say! |
1.2197 |
0.03917 |
173 |
143 |
22 |
8 |
962 |
She was my sun, my moon and all my stars but then she left me |
1.2197 |
0.04002 |
173 |
144 |
20 |
9 |
963 |
I've had all I can take. |
1.2196 |
0.03334 |
214 |
174 |
33 |
7 |
964 |
I used to be a ball of fun, now some say I'm just a square. |
1.2196 |
0.03131 |
214 |
171 |
39 |
4 |
965 |
Is this tap water? |
1.2194 |
0.03181 |
237 |
193 |
36 |
8 |
966 |
Man, it’s hot out there! |
1.2194 |
0.03453 |
196 |
159 |
31 |
6 |
967 |
Can I get more ice, please? I'm burning up over here. |
1.2194 |
0.03453 |
196 |
159 |
31 |
6 |
968 |
You people drive me to drink.” |
1.2193 |
0.03637 |
187 |
153 |
27 |
7 |
969 |
Humans? Oh my god, they're such mean children. |
1.2192 |
0.03018 |
219 |
174 |
42 |
3 |
970 |
Last call? Tell me about it... |
1.2192 |
0.04291 |
146 |
121 |
18 |
7 |
971 |
So then I’m like, “Sunny! It’s not like the whole world revolves around YOU.” |
1.2191 |
0.03840 |
178 |
147 |
23 |
8 |
972 |
What’s happened to the atmosphere in this place? |
1.2189 |
0.03977 |
169 |
140 |
21 |
8 |
973 |
Whaddya mean, the ice machine is busted? |
1.2188 |
0.03722 |
192 |
159 |
24 |
9 |
974 |
It’s not the heat, it’s the human idiocy! |
1.2188 |
0.03795 |
192 |
160 |
22 |
10 |
975 |
Every day is Earth Day on this barstool, Fred. |
1.2184 |
0.03981 |
174 |
145 |
20 |
9 |
976 |
The wife says I’m in my own world. |
1.2184 |
0.03632 |
174 |
141 |
28 |
5 |
977 |
Atlas left me. |
1.2182 |
0.03852 |
165 |
135 |
24 |
6 |
978 |
The ice in my glass keeps melting. |
1.2182 |
0.03270 |
220 |
179 |
34 |
7 |
979 |
I was a relatively temperate planet for so long. Now I'm wasted. |
1.2181 |
0.03285 |
243 |
201 |
31 |
11 |
980 |
Got anything to cool me down? |
1.2181 |
0.03773 |
188 |
156 |
23 |
9 |
981 |
It’s a wonderful world, it’s a wonderful world…how many times a day is that song played…??”
“Do you know the pressure I’m under??? |
1.2181 |
0.03697 |
188 |
155 |
25 |
8 |
982 |
If it weren't for this place, I'd erupt a lot more often. |
1.2181 |
0.03290 |
188 |
150 |
35 |
3 |
983 |
Do you know what it's like to have things crawling on you all the time? |
1.2181 |
0.03620 |
188 |
154 |
27 |
7 |
984 |
Venus swiped left. |
1.2180 |
0.03679 |
211 |
177 |
22 |
12 |
985 |
Make it a lite beer. Gettin’ a bit large around the equator. |
1.2179 |
0.03476 |
179 |
144 |
31 |
4 |
986 |
You don't have to tell me we're out of ice! |
1.2179 |
0.03820 |
179 |
148 |
23 |
8 |
987 |
The astrophysicist? She left me John, said she got tired of me acting like the center of the universe. |
1.2179 |
0.03981 |
179 |
150 |
19 |
10 |
988 |
I used to be the center of the solar system and look at me now! |
1.2177 |
0.04373 |
147 |
123 |
16 |
8 |
989 |
No rest for the weary Charlie. They got me working 24/7. |
1.2176 |
0.03682 |
170 |
138 |
27 |
5 |
990 |
Evolve! I should 've stopped with the chimps. |
1.2176 |
0.03866 |
170 |
140 |
23 |
7 |
991 |
Everyone I talk with seems so unworldly! |
1.2176 |
0.03866 |
170 |
140 |
23 |
7 |
992 |
Can you turn down the heat? It’s like a greenhouse in here. |
1.2176 |
0.03705 |
193 |
160 |
24 |
9 |
993 |
Let's slow down, I'm burning up. |
1.2174 |
0.03502 |
184 |
149 |
30 |
5 |
994 |
I just turned 4.5 billion and my life is still going in circles!” |
1.2171 |
0.03703 |
175 |
143 |
26 |
6 |
995 |
What do you mean you're running low on ice? |
1.2171 |
0.03613 |
175 |
142 |
28 |
5 |
996 |
Gimme anything on ice. |
1.2171 |
0.03876 |
175 |
145 |
22 |
8 |
997 |
I can order beer in 140 languages. |
1.2171 |
0.03876 |
175 |
145 |
22 |
8 |
998 |
It's brutal out there. |
1.2170 |
0.03207 |
212 |
171 |
36 |
5 |
999 |
If Venus calls, I was never here. |
1.2168 |
0.04227 |
143 |
118 |
19 |
6 |
1000 |
One small drink for me and a large one for the end of mankind! |
1.2168 |
0.04109 |
143 |
117 |
21 |
5 |
1001 |
I feel like I’m spinning. |
1.2167 |
0.03218 |
203 |
163 |
36 |
4 |
1002 |
Kids! They never listen! |
1.2167 |
0.04039 |
180 |
152 |
17 |
11 |
1003 |
There was room for ice. |
1.2167 |
0.03275 |
180 |
143 |
35 |
2 |
1004 |
Even when I'm sober, it feels like I'm spinning. |
1.2166 |
0.04073 |
157 |
130 |
20 |
7 |
1005 |
You don’t know the half of it. |
1.2165 |
0.03539 |
194 |
159 |
28 |
7 |
1006 |
Call me old fashioned but I prefer it with ice. |
1.2164 |
0.04414 |
134 |
111 |
17 |
6 |
1007 |
And then I dreamed they were crawling all over me and buzzing around me and...it was just awful. |
1.2162 |
0.03884 |
185 |
155 |
20 |
10 |
1008 |
Do you know how hard it is to find signs of intelligent life around here? |
1.2162 |
0.03650 |
185 |
152 |
26 |
7 |
1009 |
I don't know what happened. I used to be so much more together. |
1.2160 |
0.03889 |
162 |
133 |
23 |
6 |
1010 |
I think this place needs a bit more atmosphere. |
1.2159 |
0.03856 |
176 |
146 |
22 |
8 |
1011 |
I'm just tired of being toxic. |
1.2159 |
0.03684 |
176 |
144 |
26 |
6 |
1012 |
Why in the world do I remind you of Gorbachev? |
1.2158 |
0.04653 |
139 |
118 |
12 |
9 |
1013 |
At first I didn’t think the Dinosaurs had anything to worry about; I couldn’t have been more wrong. |
1.2158 |
0.04653 |
139 |
118 |
12 |
9 |
1014 |
Do you have anything stronger? I’m already 70% water.. |
1.2158 |
0.03737 |
190 |
158 |
23 |
9 |
1015 |
I’m always at war with myself |
1.2158 |
0.03662 |
190 |
157 |
25 |
8 |
1016 |
After all I've done for them, they're making plans to leave me for Mars. |
1.2158 |
0.03585 |
190 |
156 |
27 |
7 |
1017 |
This is the kind of atmosphere I've been needing. |
1.2157 |
0.03423 |
204 |
167 |
30 |
7 |
1018 |
Everything’s inflamed - or maybe it’s just plaque psoriasis. |
1.2157 |
0.03278 |
204 |
165 |
34 |
5 |
1019 |
Do you have any idea where this goes? |
1.2157 |
0.03204 |
204 |
164 |
36 |
4 |
1020 |
Another Atlantic Ocean please! |
1.2157 |
0.04344 |
153 |
129 |
15 |
9 |
1021 |
If anyone in the solar system calls, I'm not here. |
1.2156 |
0.03714 |
167 |
136 |
26 |
5 |
1022 |
It’s enough to make your head spin |
1.2155 |
0.03941 |
181 |
152 |
19 |
10 |
1023 |
Believe it or not, I've got a world of problems. |
1.2155 |
0.03700 |
181 |
149 |
25 |
7 |
1024 |
No, I'll just nurse this one for a few millenia 'till I cool off a bit. |
1.2155 |
0.03782 |
181 |
150 |
23 |
8 |
1025 |
I've sent them Floods, Droughts, Hurricanes, Cyclones, Earthquakes and still they just don't get it! |
1.2154 |
0.03447 |
195 |
159 |
30 |
6 |
1026 |
Can you make it stronger? I'm 70% water. |
1.2151 |
0.03999 |
172 |
144 |
19 |
9 |
1027 |
Water straight up. No ice. |
1.2151 |
0.03632 |
186 |
153 |
26 |
7 |
1028 |
Do I look mad, mad, mad, mad to you?" |
1.2148 |
0.04319 |
149 |
125 |
16 |
8 |
1029 |
No more Fireballs. |
1.2147 |
0.03768 |
163 |
133 |
25 |
5 |
1030 |
I won't be mostly water for long. Keep em coming. |
1.2147 |
0.03768 |
163 |
133 |
25 |
5 |
1031 |
One scotch I’m a shining orb. Two? I’m a sweaty, overweight globule. |
1.2147 |
0.03665 |
177 |
145 |
26 |
6 |
1032 |
I haven't been clean in years! |
1.2147 |
0.03836 |
177 |
147 |
22 |
8 |
1033 |
When we first met, she thought the world of me. |
1.2143 |
0.03507 |
196 |
161 |
28 |
7 |
1034 |
Gotta roll. See you same time tomorrow. |
1.2143 |
0.04218 |
154 |
129 |
17 |
8 |
1035 |
On top of that I have plate tectonics. |
1.2139 |
0.03615 |
187 |
154 |
26 |
7 |
1036 |
Do you want to go rotate after this? |
1.2139 |
0.03534 |
187 |
153 |
28 |
6 |
1037 |
I miss the Middle Ages. |
1.2139 |
0.03192 |
187 |
149 |
36 |
2 |
1038 |
Got anything for a fever? |
1.2139 |
0.03716 |
173 |
142 |
25 |
6 |
1039 |
Between the world conflicts, wild fires, and flooding conditions, I needed a drink! |
1.2139 |
0.03893 |
173 |
144 |
21 |
8 |
1040 |
I will drink to death rather than burn to death |
1.2139 |
0.03893 |
173 |
144 |
21 |
8 |
1041 |
Why do people walk all over me? |
1.2138 |
0.03938 |
145 |
118 |
23 |
4 |
1042 |
You look in the mirror one morning and realise you’re 4 billion years old. |
1.2137 |
0.04469 |
131 |
109 |
16 |
6 |
1043 |
"With extra ice. |
1.2136 |
0.03377 |
220 |
182 |
29 |
9 |
1044 |
Man, you should've seen me in my glory days. I was hot once! Well, cold... |
1.2135 |
0.03551 |
192 |
158 |
27 |
7 |
1045 |
I have enough water as it is. |
1.2135 |
0.03646 |
178 |
146 |
26 |
6 |
1046 |
I need some attention, Man!!! |
1.2134 |
0.03845 |
164 |
135 |
23 |
6 |
1047 |
I’ve been dry for a long time. |
1.2134 |
0.04035 |
164 |
137 |
19 |
8 |
1048 |
You think you have troubles! I'll be Andromeda dust in just 5 billion years. |
1.2132 |
0.03416 |
197 |
161 |
30 |
6 |
1049 |
Being hot isn't all it's cracked up to be. |
1.2132 |
0.03636 |
197 |
164 |
24 |
9 |
1050 |
I just feel like I've got the weight of humanity on my shoulders, you know? |
1.2131 |
0.03823 |
183 |
153 |
21 |
9 |
1051 |
Yes, mamas, babies, brothers, sisters.
We were ALL in his hands! |
1.2131 |
0.03663 |
183 |
151 |
25 |
7 |
1052 |
No one's listening |
1.2131 |
0.03580 |
183 |
150 |
27 |
6 |
1053 |
Do you have anything for fever? |
1.2129 |
0.03360 |
202 |
165 |
31 |
6 |
1054 |
Make it another double; I've got the weight of the world on my shoulders. |
1.2128 |
0.03597 |
188 |
155 |
26 |
7 |
1055 |
How on earth did I end up like this? |
1.2126 |
0.03378 |
207 |
170 |
30 |
7 |
1056 |
Worse than that…She says I’m flat. |
1.2126 |
0.03446 |
207 |
171 |
28 |
8 |
1057 |
My moon has a dark side. |
1.2125 |
0.03589 |
160 |
129 |
28 |
3 |
1058 |
I’m gonna need more ice. |
1.2125 |
0.04288 |
160 |
136 |
14 |
10 |
1059 |
And then I said, 'How funny it that we both know Jimmy?' And she was like, 'I KNOW. Small world!' |
1.2125 |
0.04003 |
160 |
133 |
20 |
7 |
1060 |
I feel so rejected with everyone trying to visit the moon and Mars. |
1.2125 |
0.04468 |
160 |
138 |
10 |
12 |
1061 |
You know, it's just ... I feel like I have the weight of a man on my shoulders. |
1.2124 |
0.03534 |
193 |
159 |
27 |
7 |
1062 |
Is the bar spinning or is it just me? |
1.2123 |
0.04260 |
146 |
122 |
17 |
7 |
1063 |
Trust me, I’m dying. I may be bipolar but I’m not crazy. |
1.2123 |
0.04260 |
146 |
122 |
17 |
7 |
1064 |
I’ll be back in the same spot tomorrow. |
1.2123 |
0.03664 |
146 |
117 |
27 |
2 |
1065 |
Sometimes it just feels like people are against me. |
1.2123 |
0.03797 |
179 |
149 |
22 |
8 |
1066 |
My kids. Ugh! What can I say? |
1.2123 |
0.04037 |
179 |
152 |
16 |
11 |
1067 |
My doctor says it’s terminal. |
1.2121 |
0.03522 |
165 |
133 |
29 |
3 |
1068 |
I get no respect! |
1.2121 |
0.04104 |
165 |
139 |
17 |
9 |
1069 |
This is half empty. I asked for half full. |
1.2121 |
0.03246 |
198 |
160 |
34 |
4 |
1070 |
My round |
1.2120 |
0.03725 |
184 |
153 |
23 |
8 |
1071 |
Yeah, me too. I’ve had nothing but complaints all day.” |
1.2120 |
0.03303 |
184 |
148 |
33 |
3 |
1072 |
I feel like I’ve just been going in circles. |
1.2120 |
0.03392 |
184 |
149 |
31 |
4 |
1073 |
Do you ever feel like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders? |
1.2120 |
0.03303 |
184 |
148 |
33 |
3 |
1074 |
Is it too much to ask for a little Novocain before all the drilling? |
1.2119 |
0.04161 |
151 |
126 |
18 |
7 |
1075 |
Man, do I appreciate the AC in this place. |
1.2119 |
0.04161 |
151 |
126 |
18 |
7 |
1076 |
Just make it look like we're talking - Pluto's here. |
1.2116 |
0.03734 |
189 |
158 |
22 |
9 |
1077 |
No, I don't want another Hurricane. |
1.2116 |
0.03580 |
189 |
156 |
26 |
7 |
1078 |
Then she said she’s worldly wise. |
1.2115 |
0.03222 |
208 |
169 |
34 |
5 |
1079 |
And, don't even get me started on where Atlas was holding his hands |
1.2115 |
0.03965 |
156 |
129 |
21 |
6 |
1080 |
When I said “top me off” I didn’t mean with fossil fuels. |
1.2115 |
0.04068 |
156 |
130 |
19 |
7 |
1081 |
I'm bipolar and I'm having a meltdown. |
1.2115 |
0.03860 |
156 |
128 |
23 |
5 |
1082 |
Then make it a double, the way things are going it's last call for both of us. |
1.2114 |
0.03587 |
175 |
143 |
27 |
5 |
1083 |
I am so lonely since Pluto went away. |
1.2114 |
0.03936 |
175 |
147 |
19 |
9 |
1084 |
I thought this would help, but I’m still spinning. |
1.2114 |
0.04358 |
123 |
101 |
18 |
4 |
1085 |
I think it's time for me to move |
1.2113 |
0.03115 |
194 |
155 |
37 |
2 |
1086 |
Can I get a little more ice? |
1.2113 |
0.04220 |
142 |
118 |
18 |
6 |
1087 |
No one listens to me anymore! |
1.2111 |
0.03609 |
180 |
148 |
26 |
6 |
1088 |
The moon said she's leaving me. |
1.2111 |
0.03694 |
180 |
149 |
24 |
7 |
1089 |
If Mars is for men and Venus is for women, who am I stuck with? |
1.2111 |
0.03694 |
180 |
149 |
24 |
7 |
1090 |
Would you have one of those swivel chairs? I'm trying to work remotely. |
1.2111 |
0.03150 |
180 |
143 |
36 |
1 |
1091 |
Lots more ice in my next one. I have to cool off fast. |
1.2111 |
0.03385 |
199 |
163 |
30 |
6 |
1092 |
Another round!
(Thomas Nestos, 13 years old) |
1.2111 |
0.03602 |
199 |
166 |
24 |
9 |
1093 |
I came here hoping for a better atmosphere. |
1.2111 |
0.03602 |
199 |
166 |
24 |
9 |
1094 |
I just need to cool down, yah know? |
1.2108 |
0.03706 |
166 |
136 |
25 |
5 |
1095 |
Life hasn't been worth living since Atlas shrugged..... |
1.2108 |
0.03545 |
185 |
152 |
27 |
6 |
1096 |
You’re 70% water, too - don’t you get thirsty? |
1.2108 |
0.03473 |
204 |
169 |
27 |
8 |
1097 |
I feel like I'm just stuck in this empty void |
1.2105 |
0.04136 |
152 |
127 |
18 |
7 |
1098 |
Make it a double. Mercury's in retrograde! |
1.2105 |
0.04136 |
152 |
127 |
18 |
7 |
1099 |
My life revolves around her, do you know what I mean!?! |
1.2105 |
0.04441 |
152 |
130 |
12 |
10 |
1100 |
How am I doing?! Hot flashes. Bipolar disorder. Night sweats. Abandonment issues. I'll stop there. And you? |
1.2105 |
0.04136 |
152 |
127 |
18 |
7 |
1101 |
It's yolk stain. I tried to catch poor Humpty when he took that great fall. |
1.2103 |
0.02870 |
214 |
170 |
43 |
1 |
1102 |
I feel as if the weight of me is on my shoulders. |
1.2100 |
0.03443 |
200 |
165 |
28 |
7 |
1103 |
``Frank, I don't even recognize myself anymore.'' |
1.2100 |
0.03369 |
200 |
164 |
30 |
6 |
1104 |
Tell her I’m still in orbit. |
1.2100 |
0.03369 |
200 |
164 |
30 |
6 |
1105 |
i keep getting these hot flashes |
1.2099 |
0.03416 |
181 |
147 |
30 |
4 |
1106 |
Believe me, everything was fine until the Humans arrived. |
1.2099 |
0.03760 |
162 |
133 |
24 |
5 |
1107 |
Just something cold, anything! |
1.2098 |
0.04309 |
143 |
120 |
16 |
7 |
1108 |
And the whole 'Pluto' thing wasn't even my fault! |
1.2098 |
0.04074 |
143 |
118 |
20 |
5 |
1109 |
I get blamed for everything. |
1.2097 |
0.03528 |
186 |
153 |
27 |
6 |
1110 |
Whaddya got to cool me down? |
1.2097 |
0.03767 |
186 |
156 |
21 |
9 |
1111 |
And then he says "Don't go changing", like it's up to me! |
1.2096 |
0.02966 |
229 |
185 |
40 |
4 |
1112 |
Can I get some ice? I'm running out |
1.2096 |
0.03877 |
167 |
139 |
21 |
7 |
1113 |
Can I get something on the rocks? |
1.2096 |
0.03877 |
167 |
139 |
21 |
7 |
1114 |
After this past week, I’d like to be 70% whiskey. |
1.2095 |
0.04096 |
148 |
123 |
19 |
6 |
1115 |
Don't stop until I'm 71% vodka. |
1.2095 |
0.04096 |
148 |
123 |
19 |
6 |
1116 |
I swear Joe, it's like they don't even care! |
1.2094 |
0.03387 |
191 |
156 |
30 |
5 |
1117 |
The giant oil corporations and the filthy bootlick pols who serve them are out to end me and I gladly, at least when I'm high, accept that challenge. |
1.2093 |
0.04224 |
172 |
148 |
12 |
12 |
1118 |
Sometimes I feel like I have the whole world on my shoulders... |
1.2093 |
0.03476 |
215 |
180 |
25 |
10 |
1119 |
I’m feeling flat. Can I get another round? |
1.2092 |
0.04005 |
153 |
127 |
20 |
6 |
1120 |
Joe,I had the world on a string |
1.2090 |
0.03727 |
177 |
147 |
23 |
7 |
1121 |
I miss the good-old days when I was Gaia. |
1.2090 |
0.03640 |
177 |
146 |
25 |
6 |
1122 |
Another round. |
1.2090 |
0.04247 |
134 |
111 |
18 |
5 |
1123 |
I swear I am over 21 years old. |
1.2090 |
0.03279 |
201 |
164 |
32 |
5 |
1124 |
God, it’s been a rough full rotation.” |
1.2090 |
0.03499 |
201 |
167 |
26 |
8 |
1125 |
Everything was great for 4 1/2 billion years. |
1.2090 |
0.04247 |
134 |
111 |
18 |
5 |
1126 |
It's been a long day.
Make it a double!" |
1.2088 |
0.03657 |
182 |
151 |
24 |
7 |
1127 |
And she said I meant the world to her. |
1.2088 |
0.03740 |
182 |
152 |
22 |
8 |
1128 |
You don't really believe I'm flat, do you? |
1.2088 |
0.03740 |
182 |
152 |
22 |
8 |
1129 |
You think you've seen some fucked up humans... |
1.2086 |
0.04031 |
163 |
137 |
18 |
8 |
1130 |
I swear I only drink this much when I’m overheated |
1.2086 |
0.03936 |
163 |
136 |
20 |
7 |
1131 |
Just call me Mother. |
1.2086 |
0.03748 |
187 |
157 |
21 |
9 |
1132 |
Can you line up another couple of cold ones? |
1.2086 |
0.03748 |
187 |
157 |
21 |
9 |
1133 |
no matter what i do, i can't seem to shake this fever |
1.2083 |
0.03762 |
168 |
139 |
23 |
6 |
1134 |
Do you think I'm hot? |
1.2083 |
0.03927 |
144 |
118 |
22 |
4 |
1135 |
I'll have another shot of carbon dioxide |
1.2083 |
0.04167 |
144 |
120 |
18 |
6 |
1136 |
No matter what you give me, my head just keeps spinning. |
1.2083 |
0.03856 |
168 |
140 |
21 |
7 |
1137 |
I’m looking for a girl that’s down to earth. |
1.2081 |
0.03868 |
173 |
145 |
20 |
8 |
1138 |
I've got a story you ought to know. |
1.2081 |
0.03958 |
149 |
123 |
21 |
5 |
1139 |
You think you had it bad. I had to deal with an ice age, and now global warming. |
1.2079 |
0.03532 |
178 |
146 |
27 |
5 |
1140 |
I'm dying for some ice. |
1.2079 |
0.03956 |
178 |
151 |
17 |
10 |
1141 |
Did you just say "Last call?" |
1.2079 |
0.03532 |
178 |
146 |
27 |
5 |
1142 |
Used to be being earthy was a good thing |
1.2078 |
0.04087 |
154 |
129 |
18 |
7 |
1143 |
I think I just flooded myself! |
1.2078 |
0.04289 |
154 |
131 |
14 |
9 |
1144 |
What do you mean "Cool down"?? I can't--that's the damned problem! |
1.2077 |
0.03556 |
183 |
151 |
26 |
6 |
1145 |
Can I have some more ice! |
1.2077 |
0.03383 |
183 |
149 |
30 |
4 |
1146 |
I drink to try to forget Venus." |
1.2077 |
0.03639 |
183 |
152 |
24 |
7 |
1147 |
Do you have anything non-carbonated? |
1.2077 |
0.03556 |
183 |
151 |
26 |
6 |
1148 |
I’ve always felt like the weight of the world was on my shoulders. |
1.2075 |
0.04096 |
159 |
134 |
17 |
8 |
1149 |
Can I get more ice? It keeps melting. |
1.2075 |
0.03577 |
159 |
129 |
27 |
3 |
1150 |
Can you believe it? My Glaciers are all melting! |
1.2074 |
0.03494 |
188 |
155 |
27 |
6 |
1151 |
Cut me off, Bill. I’m spinning. |
1.2074 |
0.03494 |
188 |
155 |
27 |
6 |
1152 |
I was Iceland before Global Warming... |
1.2074 |
0.04219 |
135 |
112 |
18 |
5 |
1153 |
My kids are bleeding me dry! |
1.2073 |
0.03663 |
193 |
162 |
22 |
9 |
1154 |
Goodbye from Planet Earth. |
1.2071 |
0.04476 |
140 |
119 |
13 |
8 |
1155 |
And then they said I was flat! |
1.2071 |
0.03835 |
169 |
141 |
21 |
7 |
1156 |
I'm the ghost of earth past." |
1.2071 |
0.03646 |
169 |
139 |
25 |
5 |
1157 |
No more for me, pal. I'm already spinning. |
1.2071 |
0.03223 |
198 |
161 |
33 |
4 |
1158 |
I can never find pants that fit... |
1.2069 |
0.04366 |
145 |
123 |
14 |
8 |
1159 |
My temperature keeps rising, and no one seems to care! |
1.2067 |
0.03773 |
179 |
150 |
21 |
8 |
1160 |
Does it have to be a Coke? |
1.2067 |
0.03936 |
179 |
152 |
17 |
10 |
1161 |
Even Atlas has given up on me. |
1.2067 |
0.03235 |
179 |
144 |
33 |
2 |
1162 |
If Atlas calls, you haven't seen me. |
1.2067 |
0.04365 |
150 |
128 |
13 |
9 |
1163 |
My God, these people are driving me to extinction! |
1.2065 |
0.03702 |
184 |
154 |
22 |
8 |
1164 |
Sitting on a rainbow wears me out. |
1.2065 |
0.03936 |
184 |
157 |
16 |
11 |
1165 |
What about Mars? Mars has it easy! I bet you never see Mars in here, do you? |
1.2065 |
0.03621 |
184 |
153 |
24 |
7 |
1166 |
Can you tell me how to get my kids to clean up their mess? |
1.2065 |
0.03958 |
155 |
129 |
20 |
6 |
1167 |
It's not the drink, I'm always spinning. |
1.2065 |
0.03958 |
155 |
129 |
20 |
6 |
1168 |
I’ll take any drink you’ve got but a Hurricane. |
1.2065 |
0.03740 |
155 |
127 |
24 |
4 |
1169 |
Sorry, I haven't been helped yet. |
1.2063 |
0.03875 |
160 |
133 |
21 |
6 |
1170 |
Oh no. I'm starting to get the spins. |
1.2062 |
0.03418 |
194 |
160 |
28 |
6 |
1171 |
Then this comet..what's it's name, almost sideswiped me.." |
1.2062 |
0.03002 |
194 |
155 |
38 |
1 |
1172 |
Thanks for solving all of my problems. |
1.2060 |
0.03437 |
199 |
165 |
27 |
7 |
1173 |
They're killing me... |
1.2059 |
0.03904 |
170 |
143 |
19 |
8 |
1174 |
So a globe walks into a bar
and the bartender says,
“I’ve bet you’ve been around.” |
1.2059 |
0.03722 |
170 |
141 |
23 |
6 |
1175 |
The “X” man has got me by the ass! |
1.2057 |
0.03467 |
175 |
143 |
28 |
4 |
1176 |
Hey, remember that cute comet that was here about seventy-five years ago? You haven’t seen her lately, have you? |
1.2057 |
0.03560 |
175 |
144 |
26 |
5 |
1177 |
I’ve been experiencing an untreatable fever lately. |
1.2057 |
0.03740 |
175 |
146 |
22 |
7 |
1178 |
I went through this 65 million years ago. I don't think I can handle it a second time. |
1.2057 |
0.04447 |
141 |
120 |
13 |
8 |
1179 |
You got any ice? Mine’s all melted. |
1.2057 |
0.03965 |
141 |
116 |
21 |
4 |
1180 |
The difficulty about climate change for me, is the hot flashes and water retention. |
1.2057 |
0.04331 |
141 |
119 |
15 |
7 |
1181 |
They're even going up in space to avoid me. |
1.2056 |
0.03994 |
180 |
154 |
15 |
11 |
1182 |
If I am such a great planet, why are they trying so hard to get off me?! |
1.2056 |
0.03670 |
180 |
150 |
23 |
7 |
1183 |
And the next thing you know, I’m seeing satellites circling! |
1.2055 |
0.04338 |
146 |
124 |
14 |
8 |
1184 |
What I need is love. Sweet love. |
1.2054 |
0.03763 |
185 |
156 |
20 |
9 |
1185 |
They were right, I'm flat! |
1.2054 |
0.03261 |
185 |
150 |
32 |
3 |
1186 |
I never used to drink before the humans arrived. |
1.2053 |
0.04130 |
151 |
127 |
17 |
7 |
1187 |
Again! The hot flashes seem to be constant now! |
1.2053 |
0.04022 |
151 |
126 |
19 |
6 |
1188 |
D'ya ever feel like you're just spinning in circles? |
1.2053 |
0.04130 |
151 |
127 |
17 |
7 |
1189 |
I always tip 23.4%, no matter what |
1.2053 |
0.04339 |
151 |
129 |
13 |
9 |
1190 |
Is it hot in here,or is it your imagination? |
1.2053 |
0.04022 |
151 |
126 |
19 |
6 |
1191 |
'Stop me if you've heard this one before" |
1.2051 |
0.03606 |
156 |
127 |
26 |
3 |
1192 |
I'm supposed to be out there circling the sun and you're telling me you got problems? |
1.2051 |
0.03628 |
195 |
164 |
22 |
9 |
1193 |
It wasn't that bad until the industrial revolution. . . |
1.2050 |
0.03635 |
200 |
169 |
21 |
10 |
1194 |
"Oy vey! Do I have global issues...." |
1.2050 |
0.04049 |
161 |
136 |
17 |
8 |
1195 |
Why doesn’t Elon Musk just hurry up and leave already? |
1.2048 |
0.04144 |
166 |
142 |
14 |
10 |
1196 |
The doctor said I have about 8 billion parasites. |
1.2048 |
0.03677 |
166 |
137 |
24 |
5 |
1197 |
So I says to him, you breathe that crap all day every day -- you'd be hot too! |
1.2047 |
0.03702 |
171 |
142 |
23 |
6 |
1198 |
If it’s my wife, I’m not a sphere. |
1.2047 |
0.03511 |
171 |
140 |
27 |
4 |
1199 |
I'm feeling more and more blue every day. |
1.2045 |
0.03807 |
176 |
148 |
20 |
8 |
1200 |
She says I think the universe revolves around me. |
1.2045 |
0.04530 |
132 |
112 |
13 |
7 |
1201 |
My doctor keeps telling me to cut back on fossil fuels,but who can afford clean energy in this economy! |
1.2045 |
0.03807 |
176 |
148 |
20 |
8 |
1202 |
She broke it off. Said things were getting too hot and unstable. |
1.2044 |
0.03734 |
181 |
152 |
21 |
8 |
1203 |
Yes, people always mistake me for Gorbachev. |
1.2044 |
0.04413 |
137 |
116 |
14 |
7 |
1204 |
I started drinking more during the pandemic |
1.2043 |
0.02964 |
186 |
148 |
38 |
0 |
1205 |
My air is thinning. |
1.2043 |
0.03666 |
186 |
156 |
22 |
8 |
1206 |
Trust me, it's five o'clock somewhere. |
1.2042 |
0.04186 |
142 |
119 |
17 |
6 |
1207 |
I wish they’d just start keeping their promises |
1.2042 |
0.04186 |
142 |
119 |
17 |
6 |
1208 |
I'm sad. |
1.2042 |
0.03444 |
191 |
158 |
27 |
6 |
1209 |
So all I said was that I needed a little space, and she downgraded me. |
1.2041 |
0.03973 |
147 |
122 |
20 |
5 |
1210 |
I turn around and around, there she is again–beaming at me. |
1.2041 |
0.03973 |
147 |
122 |
20 |
5 |
1211 |
Does this make me look flat? |
1.2039 |
0.03887 |
152 |
126 |
21 |
5 |
1212 |
Is the whole world going to hell,
or is it just me? |
1.2039 |
0.04210 |
152 |
129 |
15 |
8 |
1213 |
I feel like I’m spinning in circles! |
1.2038 |
0.03912 |
157 |
131 |
20 |
6 |
1214 |
HOWARD, I’M HOT AS HELL AND I’M NOT GONNA TAKE IT ANYMORE |
1.2037 |
0.03831 |
162 |
135 |
21 |
6 |
1215 |
Everybody has problems but I've got thousands of people who think I'm f lat |
1.2037 |
0.03930 |
162 |
136 |
19 |
7 |
1216 |
Can you turn the heat down? |
1.2036 |
0.04032 |
167 |
142 |
16 |
9 |
1217 |
I forgot my ID but swear I'm four billion years old." |
1.2036 |
0.03657 |
167 |
138 |
24 |
5 |
1218 |
For the love of god, can I get some ice! |
1.2036 |
0.03755 |
167 |
139 |
22 |
6 |
1219 |
I don't think you understand the gravity of the situation. |
1.2036 |
0.03755 |
167 |
139 |
22 |
6 |
1220 |
Are you not going to ask me what in the world am I doing in here? |
1.2036 |
0.04121 |
167 |
143 |
14 |
10 |
1221 |
When they complain about how difficult it is out there?
I'M 'out there.' |
1.2034 |
0.03431 |
177 |
145 |
28 |
4 |
1222 |
It's like I'm on fire right now and no one acknowledges it. |
1.2034 |
0.03871 |
177 |
150 |
18 |
9 |
1223 |
Honestly, I long for another asteroid. |
1.2033 |
0.03462 |
182 |
150 |
27 |
5 |
1224 |
So Venus says I'm looking really hot? |
1.2033 |
0.03876 |
182 |
155 |
17 |
10 |
1225 |
…and then there’s, you know, gravity. |
1.2031 |
0.03583 |
192 |
161 |
23 |
8 |
1226 |
Being called flat hurts. It really hurts. |
1.2031 |
0.03264 |
192 |
157 |
31 |
4 |
1227 |
Could I get something less carbonated? |
1.2030 |
0.03371 |
197 |
163 |
28 |
6 |
1228 |
Could I have some ice for this, please? |
1.2029 |
0.03119 |
207 |
169 |
34 |
4 |
1229 |
And that's when I said, "I don't care about Uranus, show me your moon." |
1.2027 |
0.04390 |
148 |
127 |
12 |
9 |
1230 |
I'm here because people keep thinking I'm flat |
1.2027 |
0.04175 |
148 |
125 |
16 |
7 |
1231 |
No, I'm fine. I've had the spins forever. |
1.2027 |
0.04063 |
148 |
124 |
18 |
6 |
1232 |
I better stop. The room is spinning. |
1.2026 |
0.03864 |
153 |
127 |
21 |
5 |
1233 |
Everyone always asks me, 'What's this world coming to?' |
1.2026 |
0.04184 |
153 |
130 |
15 |
8 |
1234 |
It's like they're trying to find all my faults! |
1.2026 |
0.03974 |
153 |
128 |
19 |
6 |
1235 |
Could I have another ice cube? |
1.2025 |
0.03565 |
158 |
129 |
26 |
3 |
1236 |
What do you mean designated driver? I have only one way to go |
1.2025 |
0.03784 |
158 |
131 |
22 |
5 |
1237 |
I just feel like my life is going in circles. |
1.2025 |
0.03605 |
163 |
134 |
25 |
4 |
1238 |
''All anybody wants to talk about is the weather.'' |
1.2025 |
0.03809 |
163 |
136 |
21 |
6 |
1239 |
Life is short, and then you die. |
1.2025 |
0.03908 |
163 |
137 |
19 |
7 |
1240 |
So that’s the story on my birthmark. |
1.2025 |
0.03908 |
163 |
137 |
19 |
7 |
1241 |
Do you have some salt? This water is tasteless. |
1.2025 |
0.03908 |
163 |
137 |
19 |
7 |
1242 |
Have you seen my pants?! |
1.2025 |
0.03605 |
163 |
134 |
25 |
4 |
1243 |
My ice is melting. Can you refresh me? |
1.2024 |
0.03436 |
168 |
137 |
28 |
3 |
1244 |
I'm not going anywhere, but I'm sad 'cus I'll miss some of you guys. |
1.2024 |
0.03637 |
168 |
139 |
24 |
5 |
1245 |
Extra ice, please. I’m burning up. |
1.2024 |
0.03637 |
168 |
139 |
24 |
5 |
1246 |
Are you trying to kill me? Vodka Straight, not Soda! |
1.2023 |
0.03474 |
173 |
142 |
27 |
4 |
1247 |
I’ll have another.
My head stopped spinning. |
1.2023 |
0.03928 |
173 |
147 |
17 |
9 |
1248 |
Now Venus says she thinks I've become too close to Moon! She just doesn't understand the gravity of the situation! |
1.2023 |
0.03842 |
173 |
146 |
19 |
8 |
1249 |
Hey, has Atlas been around? |
1.2022 |
0.03682 |
178 |
149 |
22 |
7 |
1250 |
Now the Doc says I have greenhouse gas. |
1.2022 |
0.03851 |
178 |
151 |
18 |
9 |
1251 |
Do you have a glass? I’m already full of plastic. |
1.2021 |
0.03630 |
188 |
158 |
22 |
8 |
1252 |
Seriously, the dinosaurs were way better. |
1.2020 |
0.03577 |
198 |
167 |
22 |
9 |
1253 |
Does on the rocks mean nothing to you all anymore"? |
1.2020 |
0.03199 |
198 |
162 |
32 |
4 |
1254 |
Sure, I think globally, but I drink locally. |
1.2017 |
0.04859 |
119 |
102 |
10 |
7 |
1255 |
leaving so soon? |
1.2016 |
0.04432 |
124 |
104 |
15 |
5 |
1256 |
Wow. That tilts your axis! |
1.2016 |
0.04282 |
124 |
103 |
17 |
4 |
1257 |
I need a cold one. I've never been this hot! |
1.2015 |
0.04339 |
134 |
113 |
15 |
6 |
1258 |
I'm all out of ice. |
1.2014 |
0.04354 |
139 |
118 |
14 |
7 |
1259 |
I gotta tell you I’m over this ‘hot world summer’. |
1.2014 |
0.04107 |
139 |
116 |
18 |
5 |
1260 |
I’ve been trucking along for four and a half billion years. |
1.2013 |
0.04038 |
149 |
125 |
18 |
6 |
1261 |
Jeeeeess, Larry, those humans burning fossil fuels are really making my asthma act up! |
1.2013 |
0.04159 |
154 |
131 |
15 |
8 |
1262 |
Do you have any idea how emasculating it is to always be referred to as "Mother Earth?' |
1.2013 |
0.04159 |
154 |
131 |
15 |
8 |
1263 |
I tried the Marie Kondo method,but humans just don |
1.2013 |
0.03867 |
159 |
133 |
20 |
6 |
1264 |
Why me? |
1.2013 |
0.04067 |
159 |
135 |
16 |
8 |
1265 |
Was I modeled after you |
1.2013 |
0.03762 |
159 |
132 |
22 |
5 |
1266 |
I'd like a cooler on the rocks. |
1.2013 |
0.03655 |
159 |
131 |
24 |
4 |
1267 |
You got any ice? |
1.2013 |
0.03968 |
159 |
134 |
18 |
7 |
1268 |
I just keep going round and round. |
1.2013 |
0.03762 |
159 |
132 |
22 |
5 |
1269 |
It's last call for me, so just leave the bottle. |
1.2012 |
0.03886 |
164 |
138 |
19 |
7 |
1270 |
Why do they keep insisting that I am not too hot? |
1.2012 |
0.03788 |
164 |
137 |
21 |
6 |
1271 |
How about one more for the orbit? |
1.2012 |
0.03981 |
164 |
139 |
17 |
8 |
1272 |
War, pestilence, floods; give me a break! |
1.2012 |
0.03714 |
169 |
141 |
22 |
6 |
1273 |
Please, Sir. Can I have more ice? I’m trying to cool off. |
1.2012 |
0.03519 |
169 |
139 |
26 |
4 |
1274 |
Stop me if I mention climate change. |
1.2012 |
0.03417 |
169 |
138 |
28 |
3 |
1275 |
Then, they invented something called MILF island… |
1.2011 |
0.03907 |
174 |
148 |
17 |
9 |
1276 |
Don’t get me started |
1.2011 |
0.03340 |
184 |
151 |
29 |
4 |
1277 |
I'm getting low on ice! |
1.2011 |
0.03689 |
189 |
160 |
20 |
9 |
1278 |
What do climate scientists say about self-medicating? |
1.2010 |
0.03165 |
209 |
172 |
32 |
5 |
1279 |
Then she says “you’re not worldly enough”. Can you believe that? |
1.2000 |
0.03844 |
160 |
134 |
20 |
6 |
1280 |
Could you please turn the heat down a degree? I'm melting. |
1.2000 |
0.03342 |
175 |
143 |
29 |
3 |
1281 |
What in the world can I do? |
1.2000 |
0.03634 |
160 |
132 |
24 |
4 |
1282 |
Whoa! You're huge! |
1.2000 |
0.03598 |
170 |
141 |
24 |
5 |
1283 |
Screw it— give me a plastic straw. |
1.2000 |
0.04442 |
140 |
120 |
12 |
8 |
1284 |
This eco disaster has driven me to drink |
1.2000 |
0.03866 |
145 |
120 |
21 |
4 |
1285 |
And don’t get me started on the hot flashes. |
1.2000 |
0.04230 |
150 |
128 |
14 |
8 |
1286 |
… and that’s why they call it a Tequila sunrise. |
1.2000 |
0.03559 |
180 |
150 |
24 |
6 |
1287 |
I get the whole fauna and flora diversity thing but flightless birds, what's that about? |
1.2000 |
0.03900 |
150 |
125 |
20 |
5 |
1288 |
Hey, it’s hotter can you turn on the AC in here? |
1.2000 |
0.03634 |
160 |
132 |
24 |
4 |
1289 |
I'll have a triple & hold the water since everybody is sucking it out so fast there're running low. |
1.2000 |
0.04668 |
140 |
122 |
8 |
10 |
1290 |
A round for everyone please. |
1.2000 |
0.04221 |
145 |
123 |
15 |
7 |
1291 |
And THEN they started burning this thing called coal |
1.2000 |
0.04555 |
130 |
111 |
12 |
7 |
1292 |
No plastic straws, and it's for my own good? |
1.2000 |
0.04310 |
135 |
114 |
15 |
6 |
1293 |
Boy it's awfully warm in in here |
1.2000 |
0.03988 |
145 |
121 |
19 |
5 |
1294 |
My name is NOT Sherwin Williams! |
1.2000 |
0.04080 |
140 |
117 |
18 |
5 |
1295 |
Give me one goddam reason not to tell the Moon to get lost! |
1.2000 |
0.03878 |
170 |
144 |
18 |
8 |
1296 |
I swear to you I’m old enough |
1.2000 |
0.04436 |
135 |
115 |
13 |
7 |
1297 |
Joe, do you believe she left me for an asteroid? |
1.2000 |
0.04106 |
145 |
122 |
17 |
6 |
1298 |
Nope. I'm still spinn |
1.2000 |
0.03878 |
170 |
144 |
18 |
8 |
1299 |
And then she said, "You are not my whole world, you know!" |
1.2000 |
0.04286 |
130 |
109 |
16 |
5 |
1300 |
I haven’t had a headache like this since the dinosaurs went extinct. |
1.2000 |
0.03400 |
200 |
167 |
26 |
7 |
1301 |
Every where I go, that's all I hear. "Last call! Last call!" |
1.2000 |
0.04106 |
145 |
122 |
17 |
6 |
1302 |
It won't hurt the planet to add a little ice next time. Trust me. |
1.2000 |
0.04032 |
155 |
131 |
17 |
7 |
1303 |
More ice — and please hurry. |
1.2000 |
0.03818 |
155 |
129 |
21 |
5 |
1304 |
I have a bad case of humans. |
1.2000 |
0.03579 |
185 |
155 |
23 |
7 |
1305 |
I don’t know why she left - I thought talking about global warming would be a good icebreaker. |
1.1989 |
0.03626 |
181 |
152 |
22 |
7 |
1306 |
Remember the good old days, when climate change meant a new season |
1.1989 |
0.03710 |
181 |
153 |
20 |
8 |
1307 |
Both candidates are too old! |
1.1989 |
0.03363 |
181 |
149 |
28 |
4 |
1308 |
Evidently, I'm in a world of trouble. |
1.1989 |
0.03514 |
176 |
146 |
25 |
5 |
1309 |
My southern hemisphere is hemorrhoidal! |
1.1989 |
0.03694 |
176 |
148 |
21 |
7 |
1310 |
More clean water,please |
1.1988 |
0.03766 |
171 |
144 |
20 |
7 |
1311 |
I’m getting the spins |
1.1988 |
0.03546 |
166 |
137 |
25 |
4 |
1312 |
Please, no more dark and stormies |
1.1988 |
0.03842 |
166 |
140 |
19 |
7 |
1313 |
Everybody talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it. |
1.1988 |
0.03823 |
161 |
135 |
20 |
6 |
1314 |
Hey Mac, all my ice melted. |
1.1987 |
0.03571 |
156 |
128 |
25 |
3 |
1315 |
There’s no “we” about it. I am the world. |
1.1987 |
0.04008 |
156 |
132 |
17 |
7 |
1316 |
Could I get a little ice? |
1.1987 |
0.03989 |
151 |
127 |
18 |
6 |
1317 |
Hey buddy, can I get a little more ice? |
1.1987 |
0.04204 |
151 |
129 |
14 |
8 |
1318 |
I'll tell ya -- the number of people I'm supporting, it would make your head spin. |
1.1987 |
0.04098 |
151 |
128 |
16 |
7 |
1319 |
Sometimes I feel like I got myself on my shoulders. |
1.1986 |
0.04080 |
146 |
123 |
17 |
6 |
1320 |
Have you got a few billion years? |
1.1984 |
0.04367 |
126 |
106 |
15 |
5 |
1321 |
I don't care. Let the bastards move elsewhere. |
1.1983 |
0.04169 |
121 |
100 |
18 |
3 |
1322 |
The guy whose shoulders I'm standing on is complaining I'm too heavy. |
1.1980 |
0.03499 |
197 |
166 |
23 |
8 |
1323 |
You forgot the dang ice! |
1.1979 |
0.03403 |
192 |
160 |
26 |
6 |
1324 |
And THEN someone blue mooned me. |
1.1978 |
0.03772 |
182 |
155 |
18 |
9 |
1325 |
Don't you have enough water to give me a full glass?"
-sk whidbey island w |
1.1978 |
0.03435 |
182 |
151 |
26 |
5 |
1326 |
The only thing they haven't messed with is my planetary orbit. When they screw with that, I'm outta here. |
1.1978 |
0.03930 |
182 |
157 |
14 |
11 |
1327 |
I prefer to be stirred, not shaken. |
1.1978 |
0.03435 |
182 |
151 |
26 |
5 |
1328 |
Whaddaya mean you're out of ice? |
1.1977 |
0.03403 |
177 |
146 |
27 |
4 |
1329 |
Give me a heads up if any more humans come in. |
1.1977 |
0.03403 |
177 |
146 |
27 |
4 |
1330 |
The dinosaurs were bad, but you guys? You guys were a death sentence. |
1.1977 |
0.03746 |
172 |
145 |
20 |
7 |
1331 |
Is it me or is it hot in here? |
1.1977 |
0.03924 |
172 |
147 |
16 |
9 |
1332 |
Give me whisky, I can’t drink the water in my oceans, rivers, and lakes anymore. |
1.1977 |
0.03746 |
172 |
145 |
20 |
7 |
1333 |
No thanks. After one drink my head starts spinning and everyone gets dizzy! |
1.1977 |
0.03261 |
172 |
140 |
30 |
2 |
1334 |
Give me a stiff one. I've been reading the headlines. |
1.1976 |
0.03423 |
167 |
137 |
27 |
3 |
1335 |
I'm just too hot. |
1.1976 |
0.03726 |
167 |
140 |
21 |
6 |
1336 |
I could cry you a river. |
1.1975 |
0.03373 |
162 |
132 |
28 |
2 |
1337 |
Sometimes I feel like I'm just going in circles. |
1.1975 |
0.03900 |
162 |
137 |
18 |
7 |
1338 |
What do you mean you've run out of ice ? |
1.1975 |
0.03801 |
162 |
136 |
20 |
6 |
1339 |
Ever since I was a kid I've really wanted to be Saturn. |
1.1975 |
0.03801 |
162 |
136 |
20 |
6 |
1340 |
Got any more ice? |
1.1975 |
0.03664 |
157 |
130 |
23 |
4 |
1341 |
You got anything non-carbonated? |
1.1974 |
0.04282 |
152 |
131 |
12 |
9 |
1342 |
But today is Earth Day! |
1.1974 |
0.04282 |
152 |
131 |
12 |
9 |
1343 |
Do you mind if I smoke? |
1.1973 |
0.03938 |
147 |
123 |
19 |
5 |
1344 |
IF one more person tells me it's 5 o'clock somewhere! |
1.1973 |
0.04278 |
147 |
126 |
13 |
8 |
1345 |
This fever won't go away. |
1.1972 |
0.03637 |
142 |
116 |
24 |
2 |
1346 |
Water I got, could you put some vodka in here ! |
1.1972 |
0.04150 |
142 |
120 |
16 |
6 |
1347 |
What do you mean, Happy Hour is over? |
1.1972 |
0.04384 |
142 |
122 |
12 |
8 |
1348 |
Hey, Fred, could I get a few million cubic yards of ice? |
1.1971 |
0.03083 |
208 |
171 |
33 |
4 |
1349 |
Better cut me off. I’ve got the spins! |
1.1971 |
0.04123 |
137 |
115 |
17 |
5 |
1350 |
This beer is flat. |
1.1971 |
0.03854 |
137 |
113 |
21 |
3 |
1351 |
I started drinking when I heard climate change was a hoax. |
1.1971 |
0.04123 |
137 |
115 |
17 |
5 |
1352 |
Nobody cares about me or my needs. |
1.1969 |
0.03307 |
193 |
160 |
28 |
5 |
1353 |
We've been a couple for 4.5 billion years, Ok. Called herself Astroid. Then, out of the blue, she comes crashing into me like a fireball! So she's actually "a meteor right?" #mynewyorkercaption |
1.1969 |
0.03692 |
193 |
165 |
18 |
10 |
1354 |
I told my son I'd come around in a year |
1.1969 |
0.04189 |
127 |
106 |
17 |
4 |
1355 |
Don't you think I've had enough? |
1.1968 |
0.03361 |
188 |
156 |
27 |
5 |
1356 |
I tell you,Man,the World |
1.1968 |
0.03187 |
188 |
154 |
31 |
3 |
1357 |
I feel so small. |
1.1968 |
0.03097 |
188 |
153 |
33 |
2 |
1358 |
i've been around the block and then some. |
1.1967 |
0.03329 |
183 |
151 |
28 |
4 |
1359 |
For the first million years they were kind of cute.
But now, Frankly, I'll be really glad when they leave.
All 8 billion of them. |
1.1967 |
0.03832 |
183 |
157 |
16 |
10 |
1360 |
Clearly we don’t have the same worldview! |
1.1967 |
0.04134 |
183 |
161 |
8 |
14 |
1361 |
Ice on the rocks. Please. |
1.1966 |
0.03656 |
178 |
150 |
21 |
7 |
1362 |
It all started when she said I was Bipolar. |
1.1965 |
0.03541 |
173 |
144 |
24 |
5 |
1363 |
And then I said that's not my wife, that's the moon! |
1.1965 |
0.03815 |
173 |
147 |
18 |
8 |
1364 |
I’m going to need a lot more ice. |
1.1965 |
0.03280 |
229 |
194 |
25 |
10 |
1365 |
And to make things worse, I am the weight of the world." |
1.1964 |
0.03800 |
168 |
142 |
19 |
7 |
1366 |
Earthquakes, and fires, and storms, oh my! |
1.1964 |
0.03800 |
168 |
142 |
19 |
7 |
1367 |
Here’s an idea. Play some Perry Como once in awhile. |
1.1963 |
0.03573 |
163 |
135 |
24 |
4 |
1368 |
I know I'm worldly but I still
got problems! |
1.1963 |
0.03975 |
163 |
139 |
16 |
8 |
1369 |
The moon is always hanging around, pulling on me! |
1.1962 |
0.03643 |
158 |
131 |
23 |
4 |
1370 |
I like this bar because it is so down to earth. |
1.1962 |
0.03643 |
158 |
131 |
23 |
4 |
1371 |
Could I get 2 billion more waters? |
1.1962 |
0.03961 |
158 |
134 |
17 |
7 |
1372 |
Do you have something for a headache. |
1.1961 |
0.04049 |
153 |
130 |
16 |
7 |
1373 |
Why the longitude face? |
1.1961 |
0.03830 |
153 |
128 |
20 |
5 |
1374 |
And on top of it all, I'm dealing with a bad parasite infection. |
1.1961 |
0.04153 |
153 |
131 |
14 |
8 |
1375 |
What if there really is an Earth 2 ? |
1.1959 |
0.04142 |
148 |
126 |
15 |
7 |
1376 |
'Make it a double, I just saw the polar ice caps on Instagram.'" |
1.1959 |
0.04251 |
148 |
127 |
13 |
8 |
1377 |
Continental drift is bad enough, but this incontinental drip is really killing me. |
1.1959 |
0.04142 |
148 |
126 |
15 |
7 |
1378 |
And I said, “Your shoulders? What about what’s on my shoulders for god’s sake?”
-Wade Munday, Nashville, Tenn |
1.1959 |
0.03794 |
148 |
123 |
21 |
4 |
1379 |
Excuse me,may I have some more ice,please? |
1.1959 |
0.04251 |
148 |
127 |
13 |
8 |
1380 |
Atlas? He is shopping for Ove Gloves. |
1.1959 |
0.03038 |
194 |
158 |
34 |
2 |
1381 |
Help ! |
1.1958 |
0.04123 |
143 |
121 |
16 |
6 |
1382 |
Stop me if I’m going in circles. |
1.1958 |
0.03748 |
143 |
118 |
22 |
3 |
1383 |
Thing is, I feel like I'm spinning out of control. |
1.1958 |
0.04123 |
143 |
121 |
16 |
6 |
1384 |
Joe, I feel like I've got the weight of, well, me on my shoulders. |
1.1958 |
0.03877 |
143 |
119 |
20 |
4 |
1385 |
Extra ice and make it a double. |
1.1957 |
0.03965 |
138 |
115 |
19 |
4 |
1386 |
All my problems are global problems! |
1.1957 |
0.04096 |
138 |
116 |
17 |
5 |
1387 |
Everybody’s giving me a hard time! YOU’D have hot flashes too if you were 4.5 billion years old! |
1.1957 |
0.03734 |
184 |
157 |
18 |
9 |
1388 |
I'm over-heating here. I need a Scotch on the rocks - but hold the Scotch |
1.1956 |
0.03067 |
225 |
187 |
32 |
6 |
1389 |
Do you have a continental breakfast? |
1.1955 |
0.03550 |
179 |
150 |
23 |
6 |
1390 |
A billion years of continental drift and I get itches near the equator. |
1.1955 |
0.03461 |
179 |
149 |
25 |
5 |
1391 |
She said she was looking for someone "less worldly." |
1.1954 |
0.03966 |
174 |
150 |
14 |
10 |
1392 |
What?! That's nothing - I gotta worry about ASTERoids. |
1.1953 |
0.03779 |
169 |
143 |
19 |
7 |
1393 |
Do you ever feel like the weight of world is on your shoulders? |
1.1953 |
0.03872 |
169 |
144 |
17 |
8 |
1394 |
I'm not drunk, I'm just a little off my axis. |
1.1953 |
0.03872 |
169 |
144 |
17 |
8 |
1395 |
I could really use another ice cube, they keep melting! |
1.1951 |
0.03856 |
164 |
139 |
18 |
7 |
1396 |
People are always asking how we save the planet, but never how it's actually feeling. |
1.1951 |
0.03657 |
164 |
137 |
22 |
5 |
1397 |
She said I was gassy.
Can you believe that? |
1.1951 |
0.03856 |
164 |
139 |
18 |
7 |
1398 |
Just one more. I need to chill. |
1.1951 |
0.03336 |
164 |
134 |
28 |
2 |
1399 |
This drink will make me more dizzy than me orbiting around the sun. |
1.1951 |
0.03447 |
164 |
135 |
26 |
3 |
1400 |
Even the Earth prefers no straw to paper straws. |
1.1951 |
0.03554 |
164 |
136 |
24 |
4 |
1401 |
And a big cup of ice on the side. |
1.1950 |
0.03302 |
200 |
167 |
27 |
6 |
1402 |
I know I should keep it light and cheery, but I just effing hate Republicans. |
1.1950 |
0.03523 |
200 |
170 |
21 |
9 |
1403 |
She complains that I am too distant. |
1.1948 |
0.03578 |
154 |
127 |
24 |
3 |
1404 |
The good news is I don’t have an ice cream headache any more. |
1.1948 |
0.04230 |
154 |
133 |
12 |
9 |
1405 |
I never get no respect! Every night I get mooned! |
1.1948 |
0.04230 |
154 |
133 |
12 |
9 |
1406 |
She’ll be quite a bit smaller than me, but very luminous. |
1.1948 |
0.03332 |
154 |
125 |
28 |
1 |
1407 |
...and, on top of all that, they have the unmitigated audacity to call ME a hothead. |
1.1946 |
0.03889 |
149 |
125 |
19 |
5 |
1408 |
Feels like I’m carrying the whole world on my shoulders. |
1.1946 |
0.04004 |
149 |
126 |
17 |
6 |
1409 |
”Venus gets all the sexy hoopla. Mars gets a candy bar named after him. Me? I get a crappy pair of shoes named after me! |
1.1946 |
0.03889 |
149 |
125 |
19 |
5 |
1410 |
If I told you all my problems, we'd be here until the world ended. |
1.1944 |
0.03532 |
180 |
151 |
23 |
6 |
1411 |
...I even started finding them all over my southern pole! |
1.1944 |
0.04213 |
144 |
123 |
14 |
7 |
1412 |
Venus just doesn't get me. |
1.1944 |
0.03258 |
180 |
148 |
29 |
3 |
1413 |
My wife is a slut. |
1.1944 |
0.04327 |
144 |
124 |
12 |
8 |
1414 |
Doctor says the fever will pass in a few hundred thousand years. |
1.1943 |
0.03504 |
175 |
146 |
24 |
5 |
1415 |
And then she said “you better just cool off”! |
1.1943 |
0.03687 |
175 |
148 |
20 |
7 |
1416 |
I got the moon's pronouns wrong so they dumped me. |
1.1942 |
0.04317 |
139 |
119 |
13 |
7 |
1417 |
I'll have a double. Over ICE! |
1.1942 |
0.03804 |
139 |
115 |
21 |
3 |
1418 |
Hey, Doc, I think I may be dying of thirst. |
1.1942 |
0.03236 |
206 |
172 |
28 |
6 |
1419 |
No more drinks, I'm already spinning. |
1.1941 |
0.03569 |
170 |
142 |
23 |
5 |
1420 |
Another round for all the king’s horses and men, please. |
1.1941 |
0.04113 |
170 |
148 |
11 |
11 |
1421 |
I was a cool calm planet until I crossed global warning's path. |
1.1940 |
0.04031 |
134 |
112 |
18 |
4 |
1422 |
No,No,I need a LOT of water! |
1.1940 |
0.04300 |
134 |
114 |
14 |
6 |
1423 |
How am I doing? well....I think I'm going through ' the change' I keep getting these hot flashes " |
1.1939 |
0.03835 |
165 |
140 |
18 |
7 |
1424 |
Turns out, it’s called vertigo. |
1.1939 |
0.03930 |
165 |
141 |
16 |
8 |
1425 |
How big is your ice machine? |
1.1938 |
0.04273 |
129 |
109 |
15 |
5 |
1426 |
You think you've got problems? My wife left me for another planet. |
1.1938 |
0.04548 |
129 |
111 |
11 |
7 |
1427 |
So then my therapist tells me that my problem is that I’m bipolar. |
1.1938 |
0.04014 |
160 |
137 |
15 |
8 |
1428 |
I used to be the center of her universe, before she met that Copernicus guy. |
1.1938 |
0.03709 |
160 |
134 |
21 |
5 |
1429 |
I’ll have 8 billion burgers, please. |
1.1938 |
0.04111 |
160 |
138 |
13 |
9 |
1430 |
I shouldn’t, but I turn to drink when I miss Pluto. |
1.1938 |
0.03709 |
160 |
134 |
21 |
5 |
1431 |
Excuse me, why do I have to pay for water? |
1.1937 |
0.03475 |
191 |
161 |
23 |
7 |
1432 |
I don't push they other planets away, but I never let them get closer to me, either. |
1.1937 |
0.03395 |
191 |
160 |
25 |
6 |
1433 |
Im not toasting—I am toast. |
1.1935 |
0.03785 |
155 |
130 |
20 |
5 |
1434 |
And do they really think that nammg a day after me makes up for all the crap I have to put up with? |
1.1935 |
0.03281 |
186 |
154 |
28 |
4 |
1435 |
No thanks.
I'm already polluted... |
1.1935 |
0.04103 |
155 |
133 |
14 |
8 |
1436 |
I mean, is anyone out there? |
1.1935 |
0.03894 |
155 |
131 |
18 |
6 |
1437 |
Do you have any more of this clean water back there? I'm running low. |
1.1935 |
0.03785 |
155 |
130 |
20 |
5 |
1438 |
I used to be a meteorologist. |
1.1935 |
0.04303 |
155 |
135 |
10 |
10 |
1439 |
And then she said, “You rock!” |
1.1934 |
0.03426 |
181 |
151 |
25 |
5 |
1440 |
If the Moon calls looking for me, I'm not here. |
1.1933 |
0.04304 |
150 |
130 |
11 |
9 |
1441 |
Wish I could return to the old world order |
1.1933 |
0.04304 |
150 |
130 |
11 |
9 |
1442 |
But Venus just says my problems are nothing compared to hers. |
1.1933 |
0.04198 |
150 |
129 |
13 |
8 |
1443 |
My doctor says I’m bipolar. |
1.1933 |
0.03865 |
150 |
126 |
19 |
5 |
1444 |
I thought I said, "No carbon." |
1.1933 |
0.03748 |
150 |
125 |
21 |
4 |
1445 |
I've got over 8 billion problems and you are just one |
1.1931 |
0.03828 |
145 |
121 |
20 |
4 |
1446 |
I'll take a Hurricane, an Earthquake, and a Mudslide, please. |
1.1931 |
0.04070 |
145 |
123 |
16 |
6 |
1447 |
With the dinosaurs, I swear I only drank on weekends |
1.1930 |
0.03830 |
171 |
146 |
17 |
8 |
1448 |
Is it just me or has the whole place gone to hell? |
1.1930 |
0.03452 |
171 |
142 |
25 |
4 |
1449 |
I’ve got something called homo-sapien-carcinoma. I don’t think I’m going to make it. I should have been born outside the inhabitable zone. |
1.1929 |
0.04042 |
140 |
118 |
17 |
5 |
1450 |
She liked my magnetism, but didn’t like that I was bipolar. |
1.1928 |
0.03716 |
166 |
140 |
20 |
6 |
1451 |
We’re all screwed! |
1.1928 |
0.03716 |
166 |
140 |
20 |
6 |
1452 |
Can I get some extra ice? |
1.1926 |
0.04139 |
135 |
114 |
16 |
5 |
1453 |
We go on one date and poof! I never hear from Pluto again. |
1.1925 |
0.03175 |
187 |
154 |
30 |
3 |
1454 |
It all started with the evolution of homo sapiens |
1.1923 |
0.04179 |
156 |
135 |
12 |
9 |
1455 |
And THAT'S why I drink Scotch neat. |
1.1923 |
0.03496 |
182 |
153 |
23 |
6 |
1456 |
Finally, I found a neutral party to discuss the world’s problems. |
1.1923 |
0.04515 |
130 |
112 |
11 |
7 |
1457 |
ice please! |
1.1923 |
0.03318 |
182 |
151 |
27 |
4 |
1458 |
Show my ID? I don’t look 4.5 billion to you? |
1.1923 |
0.04079 |
156 |
134 |
14 |
8 |
1459 |
I'd like to try that new drink you have..."Out Of This World" |
1.1923 |
0.03871 |
156 |
132 |
18 |
6 |
1460 |
She really had me in her hands… |
1.1921 |
0.03559 |
177 |
149 |
22 |
6 |
1461 |
This is my way of keeping hydrated. |
1.1921 |
0.03725 |
151 |
126 |
21 |
4 |
1462 |
Hey, I'm burning up over here. How about a cold one? |
1.1921 |
0.03955 |
151 |
128 |
17 |
6 |
1463 |
Hey...I'm not kidding. Pour me another. This one is flat. |
1.1920 |
0.04204 |
125 |
105 |
16 |
4 |
1464 |
I know a thing or two about multiple personalities. |
1.1919 |
0.03626 |
172 |
145 |
21 |
6 |
1465 |
I know you've heard it before, but this relationship I'm in is literally toxic. |
1.1918 |
0.04160 |
146 |
125 |
14 |
7 |
1466 |
She said we’re polar opposites. |
1.1918 |
0.03547 |
146 |
120 |
24 |
2 |
1467 |
You won’t believe the millennium I’ve had! |
1.1917 |
0.04315 |
120 |
101 |
15 |
4 |
1468 |
Easy on the Tabasco, I'm burning up. |
1.1916 |
0.03696 |
167 |
141 |
20 |
6 |
1469 |
Admittedly a cartoon dog ain't great, but much worse is being named after DIRT! |
1.1916 |
0.03597 |
167 |
140 |
22 |
5 |
1470 |
Too late for last call? |
1.1916 |
0.03391 |
167 |
138 |
26 |
3 |
1471 |
I used to mean the world to her. |
1.1915 |
0.04140 |
141 |
120 |
15 |
6 |
1472 |
Let’s get them scrambled, I’m sick of sunny-side up. |
1.1915 |
0.03887 |
141 |
118 |
19 |
4 |
1473 |
Will you call a cab so I can get out of here? |
1.1915 |
0.04140 |
141 |
120 |
15 |
6 |
1474 |
I can’t remember my last happy hour! |
1.1915 |
0.03335 |
188 |
157 |
26 |
5 |
1475 |
I can't stand it! I'm getting trashed |
1.1913 |
0.03391 |
183 |
153 |
25 |
5 |
1476 |
In his hands", "On his shoulders" - I'm sick of being handled |
1.1913 |
0.03302 |
183 |
152 |
27 |
4 |
1477 |
I'll stop drinking when they are all polluting Mars. |
1.1913 |
0.03209 |
183 |
151 |
29 |
3 |
1478 |
How do I tell Atlas that he has to do a better job? |
1.1912 |
0.04241 |
136 |
116 |
14 |
6 |
1479 |
It's that I'm burning up over it all & have no idea what to do about it! |
1.1912 |
0.03692 |
136 |
112 |
22 |
2 |
1480 |
Well it was either come here or go to hell in a handbasket. |
1.1911 |
0.04055 |
157 |
135 |
14 |
8 |
1481 |
The Horrors. |
1.1910 |
0.03450 |
178 |
149 |
24 |
5 |
1482 |
I’m considered the galaxy’s Florida. |
1.1908 |
0.04483 |
131 |
113 |
11 |
7 |
1483 |
Sir, can I have some more ice? It's all melting way too fast |
1.1908 |
0.04040 |
152 |
130 |
15 |
7 |
1484 |
Water, please. I'm so dry and parched and hot. |
1.1908 |
0.03583 |
152 |
126 |
23 |
3 |
1485 |
Honestly, what I need now is love, sweet love. |
1.1908 |
0.03703 |
152 |
127 |
21 |
4 |
1486 |
No, you’re thinking of my brother, The Earth. I’m just A Ping Pong Ball With Lesions. |
1.1905 |
0.04323 |
126 |
107 |
14 |
5 |
1487 |
How about one more for my last orbit? |
1.1905 |
0.03476 |
168 |
140 |
24 |
4 |
1488 |
Make it a double and double that. |
1.1905 |
0.03577 |
168 |
141 |
22 |
5 |
1489 |
You ever get the feeling that you're carrying the whole world on your shoulders? |
1.1905 |
0.03901 |
147 |
124 |
18 |
5 |
1490 |
I would wear sunglasses at this point,but you know,no ears. |
1.1905 |
0.04019 |
147 |
125 |
16 |
6 |
1491 |
I used to be a glass half full kind of planet. |
1.1905 |
0.03780 |
147 |
123 |
20 |
4 |
1492 |
Could I have one more for the orbit? |
1.1905 |
0.04018 |
126 |
105 |
18 |
3 |
1493 |
I'll have a mudslide, dark 'n' stormy, flaming volcano, hurricane, earthquake, tsunami, and some soft pretzels. |
1.1902 |
0.03749 |
163 |
138 |
19 |
6 |
1494 |
Can you turn the AC on? I’m burning up. |
1.1902 |
0.03541 |
163 |
136 |
23 |
4 |
1495 |
''She said I wasn't edgy enough.'' |
1.1902 |
0.03749 |
163 |
138 |
19 |
6 |
1496 |
So then I said: no, YOU'RE flat. |
1.1902 |
0.04133 |
163 |
142 |
11 |
10 |
1497 |
It has been one disaster after another! |
1.1901 |
0.03862 |
142 |
119 |
19 |
4 |
1498 |
Oh yeah?...well, I got 8 billion stories to tell you... |
1.1901 |
0.03731 |
142 |
118 |
21 |
3 |
1499 |
Got anything with no carbon? |
1.1901 |
0.03862 |
142 |
119 |
19 |
4 |
1500 |
More and more I’ve been wondering if the Sun and I are too close. |
1.1898 |
0.04213 |
137 |
117 |
14 |
6 |
1501 |
Refill please… I’m just warming up. |
1.1898 |
0.03668 |
137 |
113 |
22 |
2 |
1502 |
Another one of those and my world will be spinning. |
1.1897 |
0.03084 |
195 |
161 |
31 |
3 |
1503 |
Is it hot in here, or is it just me? |
1.1895 |
0.03796 |
153 |
129 |
19 |
5 |
1504 |
Could ya get me a glass of ice water, I’m feelin a little over heated. |
1.1895 |
0.03796 |
153 |
129 |
19 |
5 |
1505 |
Hey barkeep, do you see the moon behind me? Seems like he has been following me for eons !!! |
1.1894 |
0.04580 |
132 |
115 |
9 |
8 |
1506 |
'Sir, why did you put some pep in my drink?' 'Because the world needs to f*cking wake up.' |
1.1893 |
0.03843 |
169 |
145 |
16 |
8 |
1507 |
I could use more ice, please. |
1.1893 |
0.03458 |
169 |
141 |
24 |
4 |
1508 |
Where do I go if George Soros gives up on me? |
1.1893 |
0.03656 |
169 |
143 |
20 |
6 |
1509 |
It all just spun out of control from that point on! |
1.1892 |
0.03994 |
148 |
126 |
16 |
6 |
1510 |
I like a lot of my tenants but I'm trying to kick the humans out. |
1.1892 |
0.04107 |
148 |
127 |
14 |
7 |
1511 |
So then he says to me, " Are you from another planet?" |
1.1892 |
0.03757 |
148 |
124 |
20 |
4 |
1512 |
This is what the world has come to. |
1.1892 |
0.04107 |
148 |
127 |
14 |
7 |
1513 |
I mean it this time—tomorrow morning, I'm turning things around. |
1.1892 |
0.03994 |
148 |
126 |
16 |
6 |
1514 |
I thought I'd experienced everything; then last week I had a Brazilian done. |
1.1890 |
0.03626 |
164 |
138 |
21 |
5 |
1515 |
I know I sound paranoid but I feel humans have ganged up to destroy me. |
1.1890 |
0.04291 |
127 |
108 |
14 |
5 |
1516 |
I tell ya, I'm coming to an. end!?! |
1.1890 |
0.04143 |
127 |
107 |
16 |
4 |
1517 |
I just don't know why they don't like me! They're killing me! |
1.1890 |
0.04434 |
127 |
109 |
12 |
6 |
1518 |
Do you have lots of ice? Because I think I'm gonna need lots of ice. |
1.1888 |
0.04320 |
143 |
124 |
11 |
8 |
1519 |
...and all of a sudden, I start having these hot flashes. |
1.1887 |
0.03588 |
159 |
133 |
22 |
4 |
1520 |
Where's your restroom? I've got gas. |
1.1887 |
0.03697 |
159 |
134 |
20 |
5 |
1521 |
Since my 4.543 billion year birthday, I haven’t been feeling right. |
1.1886 |
0.03380 |
175 |
146 |
25 |
4 |
1522 |
She had me on a string wrapped around her little finger. |
1.1886 |
0.03380 |
175 |
146 |
25 |
4 |
1523 |
All that drinking and now my sea levels have risen. I'm a goner. |
1.1884 |
0.03786 |
138 |
115 |
20 |
3 |
1524 |
Hey, Joe. Is it hot in here, or is it me? |
1.1883 |
0.03773 |
154 |
130 |
19 |
5 |
1525 |
It's way too warm here -- I need some ice. |
1.1883 |
0.03659 |
154 |
129 |
21 |
4 |
1526 |
..........and it's all water weight! |
1.1882 |
0.03336 |
170 |
141 |
26 |
3 |
1527 |
Yeah, I have a question. What's wrong with you people? You're killing me. |
1.1882 |
0.03162 |
186 |
154 |
29 |
3 |
1528 |
My life is just a never-ending 'Shake, Rattle, and Roll'. |
1.1882 |
0.03341 |
186 |
156 |
25 |
5 |
1529 |
I was able to handle the stress of my plate tectonics for eons, but these damn rising sea levels have driven me to drink. |
1.1880 |
0.04365 |
117 |
99 |
14 |
4 |
1530 |
Yeah, sure they act locally, but they do not have a clue how to think globally! |
1.1880 |
0.04015 |
133 |
112 |
17 |
4 |
1531 |
You wouldn’t believe the day I’ve had. |
1.1879 |
0.03482 |
149 |
123 |
24 |
2 |
1532 |
Will this make the world go away? |
1.1879 |
0.03969 |
149 |
127 |
16 |
6 |
1533 |
Has Venus asked about me/ |
1.1879 |
0.03969 |
149 |
127 |
16 |
6 |
1534 |
I am exactly where I was a year ago, and the year before that. |
1.1879 |
0.03733 |
149 |
125 |
20 |
4 |
1535 |
I've got a bad case of humans |
1.1879 |
0.03501 |
165 |
138 |
23 |
4 |
1536 |
My asteroid belt makes me look fat so I am thinking of switching to asteroid suspenders. |
1.1879 |
0.03605 |
165 |
139 |
21 |
5 |
1537 |
Nobody respects me anymore. |
1.1879 |
0.03284 |
165 |
136 |
27 |
2 |
1538 |
Whaddya mean ...last call! |
1.1875 |
0.04402 |
128 |
110 |
12 |
6 |
1539 |
Pour me a double, boss, they told me I only got twelve years. |
1.1875 |
0.04673 |
128 |
112 |
8 |
8 |
1540 |
Just trying to replenish some liquid I have lost. |
1.1875 |
0.03567 |
160 |
134 |
22 |
4 |
1541 |
Line ‘em up Sam. It’s gonna be a long story with a sad ending. |
1.1875 |
0.04060 |
144 |
123 |
15 |
6 |
1542 |
...and one more for the orbit. |
1.1875 |
0.04060 |
144 |
123 |
15 |
6 |
1543 |
Another huge asteroid would fix me right up, but until that day comes along, I drink. |
1.1875 |
0.04060 |
144 |
123 |
15 |
6 |
1544 |
Put it on humanity's tab. |
1.1875 |
0.03984 |
160 |
138 |
14 |
8 |
1545 |
You hiring? I think my current gig is just about up. |
1.1875 |
0.03938 |
144 |
122 |
17 |
5 |
1546 |
It's quarter to three
There's no-one in the place
'Cept You and me.
So set 'em up Joe,
Make it one for my baby, and one more
For the road |
1.1875 |
0.04178 |
144 |
124 |
13 |
7 |
1547 |
Are we completely out of ice? |
1.1872 |
0.03234 |
203 |
171 |
26 |
6 |
1548 |
Have anything non-carbonated? |
1.1871 |
0.03421 |
171 |
143 |
24 |
4 |
1549 |
I'm just saying, I remember when Mars came in here. |
1.1871 |
0.03318 |
171 |
142 |
26 |
3 |
1550 |
How would you feel if everyone called you, “messed up?” |
1.1871 |
0.03520 |
171 |
144 |
22 |
5 |
1551 |
Did you feel that? It felt like a tectonic shift." |
1.1871 |
0.03318 |
171 |
142 |
26 |
3 |
1552 |
Excuse me, all of my ice melted. |
1.1871 |
0.03616 |
171 |
145 |
20 |
6 |
1553 |
Everything was fine until someone invented 'God'. |
1.1871 |
0.03968 |
155 |
133 |
15 |
7 |
1554 |
No matter how much I drink, I keep getting warmer |
1.1871 |
0.03750 |
155 |
131 |
19 |
5 |
1555 |
I don't think you understand what it is to have the weight of the world on your shoulders. |
1.1871 |
0.04156 |
139 |
119 |
14 |
6 |
1556 |
Can I get some more ice, please? |
1.1871 |
0.03897 |
139 |
117 |
18 |
4 |
1557 |
People keep saying I'm too hot for them. |
1.1871 |
0.03897 |
139 |
117 |
18 |
4 |
1558 |
I'm so hot all the time, but no one seems to care. |
1.1871 |
0.04156 |
139 |
119 |
14 |
6 |
1559 |
This job is killin me. |
1.1871 |
0.04280 |
139 |
120 |
12 |
7 |
1560 |
So then Atlas said to me that he needed more space. |
1.1870 |
0.04373 |
123 |
105 |
13 |
5 |
1561 |
Do I look flat in this globe? |
1.1870 |
0.04218 |
123 |
104 |
15 |
4 |
1562 |
Another one on ice… I really need to cool down |
1.1870 |
0.04218 |
123 |
104 |
15 |
4 |
1563 |
I need a towel. My ice caps are melting. |
1.1868 |
0.03196 |
182 |
151 |
28 |
3 |
1564 |
I was promised a spin off when 'As the World Turns' ended, but that never happened. |
1.1868 |
0.03556 |
182 |
155 |
20 |
7 |
1565 |
Climate talks are over, next? |
1.1867 |
0.04056 |
150 |
129 |
14 |
7 |
1566 |
You should have seen the rings on her |
1.1867 |
0.03829 |
150 |
127 |
18 |
5 |
1567 |
It's like I said. They'll be sorry when they discover they don't have me to kick around anymore." |
1.1867 |
0.03944 |
150 |
128 |
16 |
6 |
1568 |
And things aren’t much better on Mars. |
1.1867 |
0.03711 |
150 |
126 |
20 |
4 |
1569 |
So I said, ‘If it’s a hoax, they sure fooled me.’ |
1.1867 |
0.04056 |
150 |
129 |
14 |
7 |
1570 |
I just don’t like when people call me flat. |
1.1867 |
0.03829 |
150 |
127 |
18 |
5 |
1571 |
Make it on the rocks; the heat is really getting to me. |
1.1865 |
0.02997 |
193 |
159 |
32 |
2 |
1572 |
Make it a double. A strong double. |
1.1863 |
0.04058 |
161 |
140 |
12 |
9 |
1573 |
How I wish to get as old as you. |
1.1863 |
0.03321 |
161 |
133 |
26 |
2 |
1574 |
I'm flat and broke! |
1.1863 |
0.03760 |
161 |
137 |
18 |
6 |
1575 |
No more thanks, I am already seeing two moons. |
1.1863 |
0.03655 |
161 |
136 |
20 |
5 |
1576 |
I don't know why everyone keeps saying that. It's NOT a stage. |
1.1862 |
0.03913 |
145 |
123 |
17 |
5 |
1577 |
Would it be presumptuous to ask for Moonshine? |
1.1862 |
0.03789 |
145 |
122 |
19 |
4 |
1578 |
To make the world go away I am gonna need another shot |
1.1860 |
0.04370 |
129 |
111 |
12 |
6 |
1579 |
Did you know that they named the "highball" after me! |
1.1860 |
0.03196 |
172 |
142 |
28 |
2 |
1580 |
This is my last one. I’ve got the spins. |
1.1859 |
0.03838 |
156 |
133 |
17 |
6 |
1581 |
Is it just me or is it hot in here? |
1.1857 |
0.03872 |
140 |
118 |
18 |
4 |
1582 |
...and the people have their head up where the Sun don't shine. |
1.1857 |
0.04002 |
140 |
119 |
16 |
5 |
1583 |
Whaddaya mean it's last call? |
1.1857 |
0.03597 |
140 |
116 |
22 |
2 |
1584 |
Don't kill the messenger, but Ireland is asking for something a wee bit stronger. |
1.1857 |
0.04251 |
140 |
121 |
12 |
7 |
1585 |
and then the guy bet me a drink that i was flat |
1.1857 |
0.04002 |
140 |
119 |
16 |
5 |
1586 |
May I have more ice please? |
1.1856 |
0.03665 |
167 |
142 |
19 |
6 |
1587 |
I got plenty of water, I just want a stiff drink. |
1.1856 |
0.03463 |
167 |
140 |
23 |
4 |
1588 |
Sure it’s bad but it’s even worse on Pluto. |
1.1854 |
0.03920 |
151 |
129 |
16 |
6 |
1589 |
Last Call!
Or What? |
1.1854 |
0.03920 |
151 |
129 |
16 |
6 |
1590 |
It's getting hot in here |
1.1854 |
0.03566 |
151 |
126 |
22 |
3 |
1591 |
I tried to warn them, but now it’s so hot we’ve run out of ice. |
1.1854 |
0.03688 |
151 |
127 |
20 |
4 |
1592 |
Ice please--350 billion tons a year. |
1.1854 |
0.03920 |
151 |
129 |
16 |
6 |
1593 |
I said "Stare decisis," but they didn't hear. |
1.1854 |
0.03806 |
151 |
128 |
18 |
5 |
1594 |
I told you, 'No carbonated drinks! Now I'm overheating!.' |
1.1854 |
0.03566 |
151 |
126 |
22 |
3 |
1595 |
Is it Last Call yet? |
1.1854 |
0.03688 |
151 |
127 |
20 |
4 |
1596 |
Things were great then I had a outbreak of humans around my Fertile Crescent, full blown pyramids too. |
1.1854 |
0.04245 |
151 |
132 |
10 |
9 |
1597 |
I'm telling you it's half empty; mark my words. |
1.1852 |
0.03960 |
135 |
114 |
17 |
4 |
1598 |
Give me a double - it's terminal. |
1.1852 |
0.03527 |
162 |
136 |
22 |
4 |
1599 |
How could you possibly run out of fresh water? |
1.1852 |
0.03417 |
162 |
135 |
24 |
3 |
1600 |
No, I'm drinking for 8,045,311,447. |
1.1852 |
0.04230 |
135 |
116 |
13 |
6 |
1601 |
I just call it "warming" |
1.1852 |
0.04230 |
135 |
116 |
13 |
6 |
1602 |
...so i say 'Go to Mars, see if I care!' |
1.1852 |
0.03839 |
162 |
139 |
16 |
7 |
1603 |
How about an ice cube? |
1.1852 |
0.03527 |
162 |
136 |
22 |
4 |
1604 |
Yeah, I get a pension. But now I’ve got 7.5 billion years with nothing to do. |
1.1852 |
0.04097 |
135 |
115 |
15 |
5 |
1605 |
Hi, Name’s Gorbachev |
1.1852 |
0.04230 |
135 |
116 |
13 |
6 |
1606 |
I’m usually a glass half full type of planet, but come on! |
1.1850 |
0.03384 |
173 |
145 |
24 |
4 |
1607 |
He had the whole me... in his hands. He had the whole me in his hands! |
1.1850 |
0.03179 |
173 |
143 |
28 |
2 |
1608 |
What's so great about Mars |
1.1850 |
0.03384 |
173 |
145 |
24 |
4 |
1609 |
Don’t even ask me about the chatter on Mars |
1.1849 |
0.03637 |
146 |
122 |
21 |
3 |
1610 |
I just worry I’m a bad mother. |
1.1849 |
0.03637 |
146 |
122 |
21 |
3 |
1611 |
Thanks Buddy. I'm parched! |
1.1849 |
0.04124 |
146 |
126 |
13 |
7 |
1612 |
Doc says 5 years. I’m saying I have another ice age in me. |
1.1849 |
0.04128 |
119 |
100 |
16 |
3 |
1613 |
I glad I found you, almost half the Earth is dry. |
1.1847 |
0.03815 |
157 |
134 |
17 |
6 |
1614 |
I fell to earth, I know not where. |
1.1847 |
0.03594 |
157 |
132 |
21 |
4 |
1615 |
Technically, alcohol is a coolant. |
1.1847 |
0.03706 |
157 |
133 |
19 |
5 |
1616 |
If I could afford it, I’d splurge on a water, but just give me another Chateau Lafite. |
1.1847 |
0.03706 |
157 |
133 |
19 |
5 |
1617 |
She cheated on me with Uranus!? |
1.1847 |
0.03706 |
157 |
133 |
19 |
5 |
1618 |
Hypothetically, if someone clogged your toilet, would you be mad or like cool and understanding about it? |
1.1847 |
0.03920 |
157 |
135 |
15 |
7 |
1619 |
Before climate change, it was a peninsular. |
1.1847 |
0.03479 |
157 |
131 |
23 |
3 |
1620 |
What about the weight on MY shoulders? Ever think of that? |
1.1846 |
0.04055 |
130 |
110 |
16 |
4 |
1621 |
I've got one humongous hemorrhoid.
Come on guess what I named him. |
1.1844 |
0.03712 |
141 |
118 |
20 |
3 |
1622 |
Do you know where Mother Nature is? |
1.1844 |
0.04101 |
141 |
121 |
14 |
6 |
1623 |
It's just that all my friends have turned against me. |
1.1844 |
0.03846 |
141 |
119 |
18 |
4 |
1624 |
Problems? I got a whole me of 'em! |
1.1844 |
0.03976 |
141 |
120 |
16 |
5 |
1625 |
I'm so sick of being called flat... |
1.1844 |
0.03404 |
179 |
151 |
23 |
5 |
1626 |
I said listen sun, give me till tomorrow, I’ll cool down ok?! |
1.1844 |
0.03584 |
179 |
153 |
19 |
7 |
1627 |
One disaster after another, and they say it's all in my head. |
1.1842 |
0.03896 |
152 |
130 |
16 |
6 |
1628 |
Hey, is the room spinning or is it me? |
1.1842 |
0.03896 |
152 |
130 |
16 |
6 |
1629 |
It's so rare to find a place with clean water and a pleasant atmosphere. |
1.1842 |
0.03666 |
152 |
128 |
20 |
4 |
1630 |
They offered me a continental breakfast... |
1.1840 |
0.03507 |
163 |
137 |
22 |
4 |
1631 |
8 billion roommates and not one of them pays me rent! |
1.1840 |
0.03397 |
163 |
136 |
24 |
3 |
1632 |
Nobody listens. |
1.1840 |
0.03167 |
163 |
134 |
28 |
1 |
1633 |
I'm spinning already. What's one more? |
1.1840 |
0.03997 |
125 |
105 |
17 |
3 |
1634 |
You don't know what it's like to be so hot. |
1.1839 |
0.03464 |
174 |
147 |
22 |
5 |
1635 |
It’s not easy trying to be green. |
1.1839 |
0.03464 |
174 |
147 |
22 |
5 |
1636 |
My glass is definitely half empty. |
1.1838 |
0.03792 |
136 |
114 |
19 |
3 |
1637 |
So Planet Earth walks into a bar and says, “I'll have something non-carbonated.” |
1.1838 |
0.04201 |
136 |
117 |
13 |
6 |
1638 |
75% of my surface is water, but you would’nt believe how hard it is for me to get a drink! |
1.1838 |
0.03933 |
136 |
115 |
17 |
4 |
1639 |
God, I hate people. |
1.1838 |
0.03585 |
185 |
159 |
18 |
8 |
1640 |
My therapist said to stop blaming other people for my problems. |
1.1837 |
0.03741 |
147 |
124 |
19 |
4 |
1641 |
Shakiness, flooding, overheating, maybe it's menopause? |
1.1835 |
0.04099 |
158 |
138 |
11 |
9 |
1642 |
Everyone’s trying to change me. |
1.1835 |
0.03792 |
158 |
135 |
17 |
6 |
1643 |
Make the World go away! Make the World go away! That’s all I hear these days! |
1.1835 |
0.03574 |
158 |
133 |
21 |
4 |
1644 |
I said ice water! |
1.1834 |
0.03425 |
169 |
142 |
23 |
4 |
1645 |
Call me a hypochondriac, but it feels like I'm burning up |
1.1834 |
0.03625 |
169 |
144 |
19 |
6 |
1646 |
And don't get me started on the moon: New moon, full moon, blue moon, harvest moon, super moon, lunar eclipse, give me a break. |
1.1833 |
0.04581 |
120 |
104 |
10 |
6 |
1647 |
Small world...meeting you here. |
1.1832 |
0.03877 |
131 |
110 |
18 |
3 |
1648 |
I may present like a globalist but I drink like an isolationist. |
1.1832 |
0.04169 |
131 |
112 |
14 |
5 |
1649 |
I admit it. I'm a mess. |
1.1831 |
0.04195 |
142 |
123 |
12 |
7 |
1650 |
If the moon calls, I'm not here. |
1.1831 |
0.03821 |
142 |
120 |
18 |
4 |
1651 |
Hey there, barkeep! What do you have that’ll cool me down a few degrees! |
1.1830 |
0.03644 |
153 |
129 |
20 |
4 |
1652 |
Then, Pluto left ...
Not a word. |
1.1830 |
0.03644 |
153 |
129 |
20 |
4 |
1653 |
I need a drink. I'm hot. |
1.1829 |
0.03593 |
164 |
139 |
20 |
5 |
1654 |
I only drink when Mercury is in retrograde |
1.1829 |
0.03593 |
164 |
139 |
20 |
5 |
1655 |
You ever feel like your life is just going around in circles? |
1.1829 |
0.03593 |
164 |
139 |
20 |
5 |
1656 |
Earth calling! I'm running dry over here! |
1.1829 |
0.03249 |
175 |
146 |
26 |
3 |
1657 |
Yes I agree with you...it's metaphysically impossible. Yet here we are. |
1.1826 |
0.04381 |
115 |
98 |
13 |
4 |
1658 |
Don't even get me started on the Big Bang. |
1.1825 |
0.03968 |
126 |
106 |
17 |
3 |
1659 |
You'd drink too if you knew the sun was going to grow into a red giant in 7.5 billion years and vaporize you! |
1.1825 |
0.04042 |
137 |
117 |
15 |
5 |
1660 |
It was better when I was flat! |
1.1825 |
0.04299 |
137 |
119 |
11 |
7 |
1661 |
I guess it all started the day you were all born |
1.1825 |
0.03767 |
137 |
115 |
19 |
3 |
1662 |
Hey Buddy, you mind helping me get this continent out of my eye? |
1.1825 |
0.04173 |
137 |
118 |
13 |
6 |
1663 |
I had a great fall, but the people I sued had greater lawyers. |
1.1825 |
0.03767 |
137 |
115 |
19 |
3 |
1664 |
I guess I just have a lot on my continents. |
1.1825 |
0.04042 |
137 |
117 |
15 |
5 |
1665 |
More, please. I’m so very dry |
1.1824 |
0.03840 |
148 |
126 |
17 |
5 |
1666 |
And then she just walked out. Said I'm not cool anymore. |
1.1824 |
0.03958 |
148 |
127 |
15 |
6 |
1667 |
My water is getting warm. Could you bring me some ice? |
1.1824 |
0.04072 |
148 |
128 |
13 |
7 |
1668 |
Earth Day is great, but I need more than one day off a year! |
1.1824 |
0.03327 |
148 |
122 |
25 |
1 |
1669 |
Just when I thought I'd seen it all, along comes George Santos. |
1.1824 |
0.03770 |
159 |
136 |
17 |
6 |
1670 |
My therapist says I put too much weight on my shoulders. |
1.1824 |
0.03874 |
159 |
137 |
15 |
7 |
1671 |
If I'm so hot, how come I can't get a date in here? |
1.1824 |
0.03770 |
159 |
136 |
17 |
6 |
1672 |
The atmosphere is so much better in here. |
1.1824 |
0.03321 |
159 |
132 |
25 |
2 |
1673 |
People keep saying that I'm getting hot. |
1.1824 |
0.03663 |
159 |
135 |
19 |
5 |
1674 |
I guess it’s time to close out my tab. |
1.1824 |
0.03663 |
159 |
135 |
19 |
5 |
1675 |
I feel like I'm carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders. |
1.1824 |
0.03196 |
170 |
141 |
27 |
2 |
1676 |
My ice melted again, can I have some more? |
1.1824 |
0.03794 |
170 |
147 |
15 |
8 |
1677 |
I'm polluted. |
1.1818 |
0.04232 |
121 |
103 |
14 |
4 |
1678 |
This global warming is giving me a hell of a thirst! |
1.1818 |
0.03850 |
132 |
111 |
18 |
3 |
1679 |
Here’s proof you can’t eliminate global warming with deodorant. |
1.1818 |
0.04540 |
132 |
116 |
8 |
8 |
1680 |
Everyone says its terminal. |
1.1818 |
0.04277 |
132 |
114 |
12 |
6 |
1681 |
And then she says to me, "what are you coming to?" |
1.1818 |
0.04140 |
132 |
113 |
14 |
5 |
1682 |
Pour me another one--I can still feel them crawling all over me! |
1.1818 |
0.03360 |
165 |
138 |
24 |
3 |
1683 |
I'll go another round |
1.1818 |
0.03360 |
165 |
138 |
24 |
3 |
1684 |
You know, it's not the heat; it's the humidity. Also the carbon dioxide, the methane, the nitrogen oxides, the halogenated gases, the sulphur dioxide, the... |
1.1818 |
0.03797 |
143 |
121 |
18 |
4 |
1685 |
It started in the damn '70s. Everyone was buying me a Coke, I needed something stronger and it's been downhill ever since. |
1.1818 |
0.03797 |
143 |
121 |
18 |
4 |
1686 |
It's my Earth Day and my ice is leaving me. |
1.1818 |
0.03503 |
154 |
129 |
22 |
3 |
1687 |
I haven't felt the need to drink since the ice age. |
1.1818 |
0.03665 |
143 |
120 |
20 |
3 |
1688 |
And now Antarctica won't allow any more colonoscopies" |
1.1818 |
0.03924 |
143 |
122 |
16 |
5 |
1689 |
I've got forest fires - can you give me a bigger glass? |
1.1818 |
0.04064 |
154 |
134 |
12 |
8 |
1690 |
Can I get more ice in my water? It keeps melting! |
1.1818 |
0.03180 |
198 |
167 |
26 |
5 |
1691 |
Hit me with something, anything to cool me down! |
1.1812 |
0.03419 |
160 |
134 |
23 |
3 |
1692 |
People keep saying the world is getting smaller. Tell me about it. |
1.1812 |
0.03419 |
160 |
134 |
23 |
3 |
1693 |
Global warming not real? I've got burning hemorrhoids, dry mouth, and acid reflux |
1.1812 |
0.03748 |
160 |
137 |
17 |
6 |
1694 |
Don't ask. |
1.1812 |
0.03816 |
149 |
127 |
17 |
5 |
1695 |
The constant hot flashes are killing me. |
1.1812 |
0.03816 |
149 |
127 |
17 |
5 |
1696 |
Trust me. I can say “I’ll have another” in two hundred languages. |
1.1812 |
0.03816 |
149 |
127 |
17 |
5 |
1697 |
The doc says the cancer has globalized. |
1.1812 |
0.03695 |
149 |
126 |
19 |
4 |
1698 |
Boy, do I need a stiff drink! |
1.1812 |
0.03695 |
149 |
126 |
19 |
4 |
1699 |
I got my own problems. |
1.1812 |
0.03441 |
149 |
124 |
23 |
2 |
1700 |
I'll take my check please. I'm starting to spin. |
1.1812 |
0.03881 |
138 |
117 |
17 |
4 |
1701 |
Basically, I’m a hot mess. |
1.1812 |
0.04270 |
138 |
120 |
11 |
7 |
1702 |
All I want to do is this: I just want to find 11,780 votes, which is one more than we have. |
1.1812 |
0.04015 |
138 |
118 |
15 |
5 |
1703 |
Doc says my high temperatures and chills are due to an imbalance in my macrobiome,whatever that means. Plus I’m really greenhouse gassy lately. |
1.1812 |
0.04144 |
138 |
119 |
13 |
6 |
1704 |
Hey! My ice is melting over here! |
1.1812 |
0.04392 |
138 |
121 |
9 |
8 |
1705 |
Hey! Yes you.
I'm waiting for some attention over here! |
1.1812 |
0.04144 |
138 |
119 |
13 |
6 |
1706 |
No, you don't understand. It takes a village. |
1.1812 |
0.03448 |
138 |
114 |
23 |
1 |
1707 |
I drink to fill the hole in my ozone layer. |
1.1812 |
0.03598 |
138 |
115 |
21 |
2 |
1708 |
What do you mean, last call? |
1.1811 |
0.04390 |
127 |
110 |
11 |
6 |
1709 |
Could I get something non-carbonated? |
1.1811 |
0.04245 |
127 |
109 |
13 |
5 |
1710 |
abandoning me for Mars is so not cool… |
1.1811 |
0.04095 |
127 |
108 |
15 |
4 |
1711 |
I'm a glass half-full kind of planet |
1.1811 |
0.03940 |
127 |
107 |
17 |
3 |
1712 |
Seriously, where did I go wrong with mankind? |
1.1806 |
0.03715 |
155 |
132 |
18 |
5 |
1713 |
Rand McNally is full of s#*t! |
1.1806 |
0.03715 |
155 |
132 |
18 |
5 |
1714 |
Do you ever see any meteorites in here? I’m hoping to not run into any of them. |
1.1806 |
0.03715 |
155 |
132 |
18 |
5 |
1715 |
You remember me? I know I’ve aged but underneath it’s the same old me. |
1.1806 |
0.03600 |
155 |
131 |
20 |
4 |
1716 |
It's a Sad, Sad, Sad, Sad World. |
1.1806 |
0.03899 |
144 |
123 |
16 |
5 |
1717 |
How'd _you_ like to be mooned 24/7? |
1.1806 |
0.03772 |
144 |
122 |
18 |
4 |
1718 |
On the rocks, please - and keep 'em coming |
1.1806 |
0.04022 |
144 |
124 |
14 |
6 |
1719 |
And you think your life is complicated ... ? |
1.1806 |
0.03772 |
144 |
122 |
18 |
4 |
1720 |
Just water. I'm hot! |
1.1806 |
0.03506 |
144 |
120 |
22 |
2 |
1721 |
I can't wait till Musk sends you all to Mars. |
1.1806 |
0.04141 |
144 |
125 |
12 |
7 |
1722 |
I don't care that it was 180 million years ago, a break up's a break up! |
1.1806 |
0.03772 |
144 |
122 |
18 |
4 |
1723 |
That moon keeps following me, tugging at me day and night. |
1.1806 |
0.03772 |
144 |
122 |
18 |
4 |
1724 |
It’s like an invisible force keeps me spinning in circles. |
1.1806 |
0.04256 |
144 |
126 |
10 |
8 |
1725 |
More ice. |
1.1805 |
0.04111 |
133 |
114 |
14 |
5 |
1726 |
Next time, can you hold the carbonation? |
1.1805 |
0.04111 |
133 |
114 |
14 |
5 |
1727 |
I just need my space. |
1.1805 |
0.03970 |
133 |
113 |
16 |
4 |
1728 |
I wish Atlas hadn’t gone into the moving business. |
1.1805 |
0.03970 |
133 |
113 |
16 |
4 |
1729 |
And bring some ice please. Mine's melting. |
1.1805 |
0.04379 |
133 |
116 |
10 |
7 |
1730 |
Nobody believes me. I’m not faking it, my wobble is a little off |
1.1802 |
0.03370 |
172 |
145 |
23 |
4 |
1731 |
'I'll have a planet-sized margarita, please. Just trying to take the edge off climate change!' |
1.1802 |
0.03470 |
172 |
146 |
21 |
5 |
1732 |
Panic Cocktail please! with ice on top and bottom only. |
1.1802 |
0.03567 |
172 |
147 |
19 |
6 |
1733 |
So I told her I prefer sexy, not hot |
1.1802 |
0.03470 |
172 |
146 |
21 |
5 |
1734 |
For years,I had it practically all to myself and then this wise guy Hobbs comes along! |
1.1801 |
0.03512 |
161 |
136 |
21 |
4 |
1735 |
Nice chatting with you Atlas |
1.1801 |
0.03621 |
161 |
137 |
19 |
5 |
1736 |
...and you think you've got problems. |
1.1801 |
0.04027 |
161 |
141 |
11 |
9 |
1737 |
Easy for you to tell me to keep cool |
1.1801 |
0.03163 |
161 |
133 |
27 |
1 |
1738 |
I’m gonna need several more of these. |
1.1801 |
0.03621 |
161 |
137 |
19 |
5 |
1739 |
Is it me or is it getting really warm in here? |
1.1801 |
0.03163 |
161 |
133 |
27 |
1 |
1740 |
And then this skinny guy with a fedora throws a string around me and starts singin'." |
1.1801 |
0.03727 |
161 |
138 |
17 |
6 |
1741 |
The topper is that Elon Musk want to live on Mars. |
1.1800 |
0.03792 |
150 |
128 |
17 |
5 |
1742 |
You wouldn't believe the problems I have. |
1.1800 |
0.03792 |
150 |
128 |
17 |
5 |
1743 |
Wow, do you have anything a little more polluted? |
1.1800 |
0.03548 |
150 |
126 |
21 |
3 |
1744 |
Is it me, or is it a bit too hot in here? |
1.1800 |
0.03908 |
150 |
129 |
15 |
6 |
1745 |
What I really need is some ice. |
1.1799 |
0.02900 |
189 |
156 |
32 |
1 |
1746 |
So you think I had enough already, eh? Let me tell you something. I’m not flat, you know! |
1.1799 |
0.04362 |
139 |
122 |
9 |
8 |
1747 |
As a kid, no one ever wanted to give me a piggy back ride. |
1.1799 |
0.03855 |
139 |
118 |
17 |
4 |
1748 |
I've been dying for some nice clean water. |
1.1799 |
0.03988 |
139 |
119 |
15 |
5 |
1749 |
My glass is half empty, just like the heads of the climate deniers. |
1.1799 |
0.04116 |
139 |
120 |
13 |
6 |
1750 |
Could I please have some extra ice, mine's all melted! |
1.1799 |
0.03717 |
139 |
117 |
19 |
3 |
1751 |
I’m just saying it tastes like it’s more than two-thirds water. |
1.1798 |
0.03199 |
178 |
149 |
26 |
3 |
1752 |
Sometimes I feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders. |
1.1798 |
0.03199 |
178 |
149 |
26 |
3 |
1753 |
Thanks. I’m parched! |
1.1797 |
0.04065 |
128 |
109 |
15 |
4 |
1754 |
I feel like it’s the room that’s spinning |
1.1797 |
0.04214 |
128 |
110 |
13 |
5 |
1755 |
And that's why I'm glad you didn't give me a straw for my drink. |
1.1796 |
0.03732 |
167 |
144 |
16 |
7 |
1756 |
You can't imagine the day I've had. |
1.1796 |
0.03213 |
167 |
139 |
26 |
2 |
1757 |
I need a quick pick me up! |
1.1795 |
0.04479 |
117 |
101 |
11 |
5 |
1758 |
Do I have to do everything around here?
I mean, can a mother get a little help? |
1.1795 |
0.03462 |
156 |
131 |
22 |
3 |
1759 |
I know most people's looks decline with age, but I'm getting hotter all the time. |
1.1793 |
0.03996 |
145 |
125 |
14 |
6 |
1760 |
Atlas? Oh sure, he said he'd carry me, but look where I wound up. |
1.1793 |
0.03748 |
145 |
123 |
18 |
4 |
1761 |
Hey Bert could I get a double shot of floods? Boy it’s getting hot in here! |
1.1793 |
0.03748 |
145 |
123 |
18 |
4 |
1762 |
And then, all these royal horsemen show up and try to put me back together. |
1.1793 |
0.04229 |
145 |
127 |
10 |
8 |
1763 |
When do the pole dancers start? |
1.1793 |
0.03874 |
145 |
124 |
16 |
5 |
1764 |
You wouldn't believe how hot it is out there. |
1.1793 |
0.03618 |
145 |
122 |
20 |
3 |
1765 |
Well, excuse me for wanting to cool down a little. |
1.1793 |
0.03996 |
145 |
125 |
14 |
6 |
1766 |
Hey Bud if world peace were that easy I wouldn’t need this drink! |
1.1793 |
0.03996 |
145 |
125 |
14 |
6 |
1767 |
With these Goldilocks Planets it’s all about “location, location, location”. |
1.1793 |
0.03874 |
145 |
124 |
16 |
5 |
1768 |
My scalp is melting, my backside is hot, itchy, and wet, and my belly is either sweaty or burning. I'll take your midlife crisis anytime. |
1.1792 |
0.03451 |
173 |
147 |
21 |
5 |
1769 |
I'm gonna need something stronger; I just watched An Inconvenient Truth. |
1.1792 |
0.03251 |
173 |
145 |
25 |
3 |
1770 |
Oh! I'd be just fine without people! |
1.1791 |
0.04082 |
134 |
115 |
14 |
5 |
1771 |
Surprise me . |
1.1790 |
0.03705 |
162 |
139 |
17 |
6 |
1772 |
Wars, famine, global warming, I can't seem to get a break. Make the next one a double |
1.1790 |
0.03265 |
162 |
135 |
25 |
2 |
1773 |
Well-l-l, Rand, he's OK...but that McNally, he's a real S.O.B.! |
1.1790 |
0.03265 |
162 |
135 |
25 |
2 |
1774 |
Another--I'm still not rotating fast enough! |
1.1790 |
0.03705 |
162 |
139 |
17 |
6 |
1775 |
Does it feel warmin here to you? |
1.1790 |
0.03600 |
162 |
138 |
19 |
5 |
1776 |
I would like water that you can’t walk on. |
1.1788 |
0.03650 |
151 |
128 |
19 |
4 |
1777 |
The bar-sign said "Ice Cold Beer!" |
1.1788 |
0.03399 |
151 |
126 |
23 |
2 |
1778 |
Hey, buddy, I need more ice...a whole lot more ice, here! |
1.1788 |
0.03884 |
151 |
130 |
15 |
6 |
1779 |
I have been going around in circles for a long time. |
1.1788 |
0.03650 |
151 |
128 |
19 |
4 |
1780 |
Can you fucking believe it? A season-ending Achilles tear on his FOURTH SNAP?! |
1.1788 |
0.03650 |
151 |
128 |
19 |
4 |
1781 |
Hey, earth to bartender, another whiskey please! |
1.1788 |
0.03884 |
151 |
130 |
15 |
6 |
1782 |
Do you think I should see a doctor? I've been running a fever for the last decade or two. |
1.1788 |
0.03996 |
151 |
131 |
13 |
7 |
1783 |
Whoa. Now I'm really spinning.” |
1.1788 |
0.03884 |
151 |
130 |
15 |
6 |
1784 |
I thought I had problems. Boy Barkeep, you have the weight of the world on your bar. |
1.1788 |
0.03374 |
179 |
152 |
22 |
5 |
1785 |
In the future... even Earth can't get ice. |
1.1786 |
0.03711 |
168 |
145 |
16 |
7 |
1786 |
She said she wanted to see the world.And the next thing I know I'm in handcuffs! |
1.1786 |
0.03961 |
140 |
120 |
15 |
5 |
1787 |
Do you have any low carb(on) beers? |
1.1786 |
0.03961 |
140 |
120 |
15 |
5 |
1788 |
Thanks for listening. It's tough having the weight of the world on my shoulders. |
1.1786 |
0.04089 |
140 |
121 |
13 |
6 |
1789 |
Give it to me straight! Do I look like Humpty Dumpty? |
1.1786 |
0.04089 |
140 |
121 |
13 |
6 |
1790 |
So, I'm world weary..what of it? |
1.1786 |
0.04089 |
140 |
121 |
13 |
6 |
1791 |
Stop, I'm incontinent. |
1.1786 |
0.03961 |
140 |
120 |
15 |
5 |
1792 |
She's been acting weird ever since the eclipse. I think she might be cheating on me. |
1.1783 |
0.03558 |
157 |
133 |
20 |
4 |
1793 |
I’ve got this infection called people and it’s killing me |
1.1783 |
0.03321 |
157 |
131 |
24 |
2 |
1794 |
I can give her the world. But, she just wants Paris. |
1.1783 |
0.04184 |
129 |
111 |
13 |
5 |
1795 |
Whoa, it's making me feeling warm all over. |
1.1783 |
0.04036 |
129 |
110 |
15 |
4 |
1796 |
Keep the drinks coming until I’m in retrograde |
1.1783 |
0.03724 |
129 |
108 |
19 |
2 |
1797 |
I get they’re unhappy, but looking for life somewhere else? |
1.1783 |
0.04184 |
129 |
111 |
13 |
5 |
1798 |
What IS so funny about peace, love, and understanding? |
1.1783 |
0.04464 |
129 |
113 |
9 |
7 |
1799 |
Why do I let people walk all over me? |
1.1783 |
0.04464 |
129 |
113 |
9 |
7 |
1800 |
It’s to darn hot out there |
1.1782 |
0.03021 |
174 |
144 |
29 |
1 |
1801 |
I’ll take a carbon capture on the rocks |
1.1781 |
0.03596 |
146 |
123 |
20 |
3 |
1802 |
I know it’s meta. Please listen to my problems anyway! |
1.1781 |
0.03596 |
146 |
123 |
20 |
3 |
1803 |
Bartender can I get some more ice? All mine has melted. |
1.1781 |
0.03970 |
146 |
126 |
14 |
6 |
1804 |
If my life calls, I'm not here. |
1.1781 |
0.03970 |
146 |
126 |
14 |
6 |
1805 |
Can I get half the booze but double the rocks? |
1.1781 |
0.03725 |
146 |
124 |
18 |
4 |
1806 |
And then she said, "you're just not hot enough for me." |
1.1781 |
0.03725 |
146 |
124 |
18 |
4 |
1807 |
Ugh, you know me. I have the whole world on my shoulders. |
1.1781 |
0.03725 |
146 |
124 |
18 |
4 |
1808 |
Being the third of eight I don’t get much attention but as you’ve heard, I could use some help. |
1.1781 |
0.03849 |
146 |
125 |
16 |
5 |
1809 |
Hit me again |
1.1781 |
0.03596 |
146 |
123 |
20 |
3 |
1810 |
I know I look terrible. It's called climate change! |
1.1781 |
0.04312 |
146 |
129 |
8 |
9 |
1811 |
I got a garbage patch as big as Texas, a wart on my ass the size of Mount Everest and my dick is shaped like New Zealand — but you know me, I can't complain! |
1.1780 |
0.03635 |
191 |
167 |
14 |
10 |
1812 |
I’m really not sure how much more of this I can take! |
1.1780 |
0.04604 |
118 |
103 |
9 |
6 |
1813 |
No one wants to visit me. |
1.1779 |
0.03684 |
163 |
140 |
17 |
6 |
1814 |
Keep ‘em coming, Joe. And make sure there’s enough for everybody. |
1.1779 |
0.03580 |
163 |
139 |
19 |
5 |
1815 |
Father Time is running out on us and our mom, Mother Earth. |
1.1779 |
0.03580 |
163 |
139 |
19 |
5 |
1816 |
How come I'm the only planet here at Planet Hollywood? |
1.1778 |
0.04567 |
135 |
120 |
6 |
9 |
1817 |
I told her my world revolves around her but she said she's more attracted to black holes. |
1.1778 |
0.03915 |
135 |
115 |
16 |
4 |
1818 |
Could you turn up the A.C. a little? |
1.1778 |
0.03537 |
180 |
155 |
18 |
7 |
1819 |
Bartender: Say, we don't get many planets in here.
Earth: And at these prices — plus global warming, of course — you won't get many more. |
1.1778 |
0.04318 |
135 |
118 |
10 |
7 |
1820 |
I found standing in a freezer helps with the baldness. |
1.1778 |
0.03915 |
135 |
115 |
16 |
4 |
1821 |
Could you turn up the a/c? I’m boiling. |
1.1778 |
0.03357 |
180 |
153 |
22 |
5 |
1822 |
It may be a small world, but it's giving me a big headache. |
1.1778 |
0.03915 |
135 |
115 |
16 |
4 |
1823 |
Oh my God,I am so trashed! |
1.1778 |
0.04054 |
135 |
116 |
14 |
5 |
1824 |
I'm just looking for something chill. |
1.1776 |
0.03746 |
152 |
130 |
17 |
5 |
1825 |
A cold one, please. |
1.1776 |
0.03860 |
152 |
131 |
15 |
6 |
1826 |
Oh, and don't get me started on the so called "Flat Earthers!" |
1.1776 |
0.03379 |
152 |
127 |
23 |
2 |
1827 |
Set me up, Joe. I’ll have one more for Mother Nature and one more for the road. |
1.1776 |
0.04080 |
152 |
133 |
11 |
8 |
1828 |
Hit me again, Sam. I feel like I’m carrying the weight of the world around these days. |
1.1776 |
0.03972 |
152 |
132 |
13 |
7 |
1829 |
Could you show me the way to the next solar system |
1.1774 |
0.04292 |
124 |
107 |
12 |
5 |
1830 |
One more for the orbit. |
1.1773 |
0.03669 |
141 |
119 |
19 |
3 |
1831 |
I 'm simply fed up being on everyone's string! |
1.1773 |
0.03528 |
141 |
118 |
21 |
2 |
1832 |
I am composed of 71% water, and that’s what you serve me? |
1.1773 |
0.04062 |
141 |
122 |
13 |
6 |
1833 |
You would also badly need a drink if you had the kind of year I’ve had. |
1.1772 |
0.03537 |
158 |
134 |
20 |
4 |
1834 |
They spin me more than they look at me |
1.1772 |
0.03421 |
158 |
133 |
22 |
3 |
1835 |
Give me a Fireball shot. I’m giving up. |
1.1772 |
0.03758 |
158 |
136 |
16 |
6 |
1836 |
I'll take a shot of climate stability |
1.1772 |
0.03301 |
158 |
132 |
24 |
2 |
1837 |
It’s a Small World After All” drove me to drink |
1.1772 |
0.03758 |
158 |
136 |
16 |
6 |
1838 |
We’re drinkin’, my friend, to the end of a brief cosmological episode, made briefer, I might add, by your massively screwed up species, Joe. |
1.1771 |
0.03692 |
175 |
152 |
15 |
8 |
1839 |
Global warming makes me thirsty. |
1.1769 |
0.03856 |
130 |
110 |
17 |
3 |
1840 |
I'll have another - double. This may be my last drink ever! |
1.1769 |
0.04153 |
130 |
112 |
13 |
5 |
1841 |
And why is it always a "handbasket"? |
1.1769 |
0.04153 |
130 |
112 |
13 |
5 |
1842 |
Hit me again...I'm feelin' a little shaky. |
1.1769 |
0.04153 |
130 |
112 |
13 |
5 |
1843 |
The world's no place for a guy like me. |
1.1769 |
0.04007 |
130 |
111 |
15 |
4 |
1844 |
I tried the Marie Kondo method, but humans just don’t spark joy. |
1.1769 |
0.04061 |
147 |
128 |
12 |
7 |
1845 |
And the meteor like came out of nowhere man! |
1.1769 |
0.03701 |
147 |
125 |
18 |
4 |
1846 |
Now 10 percent of the Earth is tequila! |
1.1769 |
0.03573 |
147 |
124 |
20 |
3 |
1847 |
Earth? I'm Gorbachev's twin brother! |
1.1769 |
0.03945 |
147 |
127 |
14 |
6 |
1848 |
That moonshine sure has a way of sneaking up on me. |
1.1769 |
0.03945 |
147 |
127 |
14 |
6 |
1849 |
Hey would you mind watching my drink for 24 seconds? |
1.1769 |
0.03573 |
147 |
124 |
20 |
3 |
1850 |
Don’t tell Mother Earth I’m here! |
1.1769 |
0.04175 |
147 |
129 |
10 |
8 |
1851 |
It’s always something. |
1.1769 |
0.04061 |
147 |
128 |
12 |
7 |
1852 |
I don't know why all the other planets feel so distant. |
1.1769 |
0.03701 |
147 |
125 |
18 |
4 |
1853 |
Please tell me that this not last call. |
1.1769 |
0.03701 |
147 |
125 |
18 |
4 |
1854 |
Hey, bartender, are you hot? I'm hot, I'm really hot, are you hot? |
1.1768 |
0.03151 |
181 |
152 |
26 |
3 |
1855 |
Excuse me! Do you have any idea why my drink keeps getting warmer? |
1.1768 |
0.03340 |
181 |
154 |
22 |
5 |
1856 |
Have you seen this guy Gorbachev? |
1.1765 |
0.03889 |
136 |
116 |
16 |
4 |
1857 |
No straw, please. |
1.1765 |
0.03889 |
136 |
116 |
16 |
4 |
1858 |
Atlas shrugged |
1.1765 |
0.03598 |
136 |
114 |
20 |
2 |
1859 |
Thanks, but I'm not sure that's going to fix my drought problem! |
1.1765 |
0.03476 |
170 |
145 |
20 |
5 |
1860 |
So it turns out, my brother's hiding behind the sun all this time. |
1.1765 |
0.04244 |
119 |
102 |
13 |
4 |
1861 |
I just can't take it anymore. |
1.1765 |
0.03889 |
136 |
116 |
16 |
4 |
1862 |
This wine has kind of an “earthy” aroma. |
1.1765 |
0.03574 |
170 |
146 |
18 |
6 |
1863 |
And I always end up exactly where I began |
1.1765 |
0.04159 |
136 |
118 |
12 |
6 |
1864 |
Give me something stiffer. We're running out of time. |
1.1765 |
0.03374 |
170 |
144 |
22 |
4 |
1865 |
Global warming my ass. It’s herpes and some purple-haired tree hugger gave it to me. |
1.1761 |
0.03491 |
176 |
151 |
19 |
6 |
1866 |
I don’t need to mix in water, I’m already 70% water. |
1.1761 |
0.03672 |
176 |
153 |
15 |
8 |
1867 |
Ice quick! I’m burning up over here! |
1.1761 |
0.03402 |
159 |
134 |
22 |
3 |
1868 |
Bartender, this drink is flat. |
1.1761 |
0.03283 |
159 |
133 |
24 |
2 |
1869 |
I have no idea what I’m doing with my life. |
1.1761 |
0.03283 |
159 |
133 |
24 |
2 |
1870 |
What's a world to do? |
1.1761 |
0.04157 |
142 |
124 |
11 |
7 |
1871 |
Stop telling me the glass is half-full and just keep pouring. |
1.1761 |
0.04157 |
142 |
124 |
11 |
7 |
1872 |
Can I get a little ice, please? |
1.1761 |
0.03505 |
142 |
119 |
21 |
2 |
1873 |
Beach front property my foot! |
1.1760 |
0.03945 |
125 |
106 |
16 |
3 |
1874 |
Oh, boy...have I had a day! |
1.1760 |
0.04106 |
125 |
107 |
14 |
4 |
1875 |
I'm telling you, they don't do this crap to Mars or Venus. |
1.1760 |
0.04692 |
125 |
111 |
6 |
8 |
1876 |
Hello! Hello! Glass half empty! |
1.1758 |
0.03324 |
165 |
139 |
23 |
3 |
1877 |
I've tried quakes, floods just can't get rid of this infestation. |
1.1758 |
0.03643 |
165 |
142 |
17 |
6 |
1878 |
Bye, Bye. |
1.1758 |
0.03540 |
165 |
141 |
19 |
5 |
1879 |
I've got humans coming out my axis. |
1.1757 |
0.03551 |
148 |
125 |
20 |
3 |
1880 |
The wall had zero posted warnings and all the King’s men were worthless. |
1.1757 |
0.04036 |
148 |
129 |
12 |
7 |
1881 |
Make it a double, I’m dying. |
1.1757 |
0.03419 |
148 |
124 |
22 |
2 |
1882 |
My ice keeps melting! Is this a man-made bar or what? |
1.1757 |
0.03920 |
148 |
128 |
14 |
6 |
1883 |
If Trump calls, tell him I'm not here. |
1.1757 |
0.03920 |
148 |
128 |
14 |
6 |
1884 |
It's all Mars, Mars, Mars -- no one cares about old Earth anymore! |
1.1756 |
0.03979 |
131 |
112 |
15 |
4 |
1885 |
Day after day I revolve around others - but what do *I* want? |
1.1756 |
0.03829 |
131 |
111 |
17 |
3 |
1886 |
So she told me, “The world doesn’t revolve around you!” |
1.1756 |
0.03979 |
131 |
112 |
15 |
4 |
1887 |
Do you have decaffeinated dark matter? |
1.1754 |
0.03356 |
171 |
145 |
22 |
4 |
1888 |
So Doc, I says, I really don't think these heat-flashes are menopause related. |
1.1753 |
0.03584 |
154 |
131 |
19 |
4 |
1889 |
I have billions of these things on me, they itch, and I feel hot. |
1.1753 |
0.03701 |
154 |
132 |
17 |
5 |
1890 |
Seriously?!? You've never even heard of 'ice'? |
1.1753 |
0.03584 |
154 |
131 |
19 |
4 |
1891 |
A bartender, a rotating globe... it's just a job, not who we are! |
1.1752 |
0.04383 |
137 |
121 |
8 |
8 |
1892 |
I drink because of childhood trauma. Let's just say he had the whole world in his hands. |
1.1752 |
0.03862 |
137 |
117 |
16 |
4 |
1893 |
I could use one more but I already came in spinning. |
1.1750 |
0.03496 |
160 |
136 |
20 |
4 |
1894 |
Yeah, I know, I was the temperate one for a while there |
1.1750 |
0.03714 |
160 |
138 |
16 |
6 |
1895 |
May I have more ice in my drink? Mine has already melted. |
1.1750 |
0.03496 |
160 |
136 |
20 |
4 |
1896 |
Please, I just want something cold and refreshing… |
1.1750 |
0.04374 |
120 |
104 |
11 |
5 |
1897 |
And my axis, don't even get me started on my axis. |
1.1748 |
0.04009 |
143 |
124 |
13 |
6 |
1898 |
If Musk gets his way, I'll be out of work sooner than everyone thinks. |
1.1748 |
0.03884 |
143 |
123 |
15 |
5 |
1899 |
And just who do you think is carrying the 'cares of the world' on their shoulders? Jim Beam. That's who. |
1.1748 |
0.04130 |
143 |
125 |
11 |
7 |
1900 |
My satellite doesn't understand me. |
1.1748 |
0.03755 |
143 |
122 |
17 |
4 |
1901 |
This is my last one. My head is spinning. |
1.1748 |
0.03338 |
143 |
119 |
23 |
1 |
1902 |
Don't I know you from sedimentary school? |
1.1748 |
0.03884 |
143 |
123 |
15 |
5 |
1903 |
Since you don't have bar stools, let me also buy a drink for the poor slob I'm sitting on, who's got the weight of the world on his shoulders. |
1.1747 |
0.03818 |
166 |
145 |
13 |
8 |
1904 |
I want another hot toddy |
1.1747 |
0.03415 |
166 |
141 |
21 |
4 |
1905 |
Would a double on the rocks improve my spin on global warming? |
1.1747 |
0.03415 |
166 |
141 |
21 |
4 |
1906 |
The source of all of life as we know it and all I get is one lousy day in April. |
1.1747 |
0.03306 |
166 |
140 |
23 |
3 |
1907 |
All my ice melted. Gimme another double, all rocks. |
1.1747 |
0.03520 |
166 |
142 |
19 |
5 |
1908 |
I'm a hot mess . . . either dehydrated or retaining water. |
1.1746 |
0.04075 |
126 |
108 |
14 |
4 |
1909 |
I remember when they came down from the trees like it was yesterday. |
1.1746 |
0.04075 |
126 |
108 |
14 |
4 |
1910 |
I'm in a me of trouble. |
1.1746 |
0.03751 |
126 |
106 |
18 |
2 |
1911 |
Hot flashes? Brother, I’m dealing with global warming. |
1.1746 |
0.04075 |
126 |
108 |
14 |
4 |
1912 |
Help me out buddy — where in me is Carmen Sandiego? |
1.1746 |
0.04519 |
126 |
111 |
8 |
7 |
1913 |
I've got the weight of me on me. |
1.1745 |
0.03529 |
149 |
126 |
20 |
3 |
1914 |
Until recently, I did not believe there was a hell |
1.1745 |
0.03398 |
149 |
125 |
22 |
2 |
1915 |
And so I said to her, "No, I don't think everything revolves around me." |
1.1745 |
0.03895 |
149 |
129 |
14 |
6 |
1916 |
Just a cold one please, |
1.1744 |
0.03017 |
172 |
143 |
28 |
1 |
1917 |
I just flew around the sun and boy are my arms tired. |
1.1742 |
0.03951 |
132 |
113 |
15 |
4 |
1918 |
I'm not sure "Don't sweat it" is the best advice you could give me. |
1.1742 |
0.03802 |
132 |
112 |
17 |
3 |
1919 |
Not only that, there's no damned handbasket! |
1.1742 |
0.03951 |
132 |
113 |
15 |
4 |
1920 |
You try being dropped by a Titan. |
1.1742 |
0.04234 |
132 |
115 |
11 |
6 |
1921 |
Make it a double Sam! |
1.1742 |
0.03951 |
132 |
113 |
15 |
4 |
1922 |
I'm feeling the weight of the world. |
1.1742 |
0.04368 |
132 |
116 |
9 |
7 |
1923 |
I feel like I've got the weight of me on my shoulders. |
1.1742 |
0.04095 |
132 |
114 |
13 |
5 |
1924 |
So, a star walks into a bar... |
1.1742 |
0.03563 |
155 |
132 |
19 |
4 |
1925 |
Where do you want me to start? |
1.1739 |
0.04473 |
138 |
123 |
6 |
9 |
1926 |
My head is still spinning |
1.1739 |
0.03245 |
161 |
135 |
24 |
2 |
1927 |
Give me a double, I don't expect to be around much longer. |
1.1739 |
0.03972 |
138 |
119 |
14 |
5 |
1928 |
"All my homo sapiens have gone out of their ever-loving minds. |
1.1739 |
0.03476 |
161 |
137 |
20 |
4 |
1929 |
You have to let me in; they're trying to kill me out there |
1.1739 |
0.03972 |
138 |
119 |
14 |
5 |
1930 |
So then she calls me an oddball. |
1.1736 |
0.04103 |
144 |
126 |
11 |
7 |
1931 |
I just don’t know where the time goes. It’s as if I turn around and another day has gone by. |
1.1736 |
0.03731 |
144 |
123 |
17 |
4 |
1932 |
Sure, Venus is lovely, but don't get me started about Mars. |
1.1736 |
0.03859 |
144 |
124 |
15 |
5 |
1933 |
Sometimes I just feel like I’m in someone else’s shadow. |
1.1736 |
0.03983 |
144 |
125 |
13 |
6 |
1934 |
Can I have some ice please? |
1.1736 |
0.03859 |
144 |
124 |
15 |
5 |
1935 |
Everything was going great for 4 billion years, then the monkeys started using fire, and the next thing you know, they're messing with my climate!! |
1.1736 |
0.04496 |
121 |
106 |
9 |
6 |
1936 |
Yes, believe it or. It, I can have a few bad turns now and then! |
1.1736 |
0.04340 |
121 |
105 |
11 |
5 |
1937 |
Is it getting hot in here or is it just me? |
1.1733 |
0.03754 |
150 |
129 |
16 |
5 |
1938 |
Climate change has driven me to drink! |
1.1733 |
0.03507 |
150 |
127 |
20 |
3 |
1939 |
I'm feeling a little warm -- you sure this stuff's environmentally friendly? |
1.1732 |
0.04045 |
127 |
109 |
14 |
4 |
1940 |
See you on the dark side of the moon. Cheers! |
1.1732 |
0.04045 |
127 |
109 |
14 |
4 |
1941 |
Ever since I realized Lin-Manuel Miranda lives on me,it's sent me into an alcohol fueled depression. I also never really fully processed 9/11. |
1.1732 |
0.04045 |
127 |
109 |
14 |
4 |
1942 |
Can i get the next one on the rocks? |
1.1731 |
0.03656 |
156 |
134 |
17 |
5 |
1943 |
Mars told me I'm looking more like him every solar year. |
1.1729 |
0.03923 |
133 |
114 |
15 |
4 |
1944 |
Gimme another water. I'm burnin' up." |
1.1729 |
0.03775 |
133 |
113 |
17 |
3 |
1945 |
Are you too warm, or is it just me? |
1.1729 |
0.03923 |
133 |
114 |
15 |
4 |
1946 |
I’ll have another fire and rain! |
1.1729 |
0.04337 |
133 |
117 |
9 |
7 |
1947 |
Do you know any mature adults who are looking for a lonely planet? |
1.1729 |
0.04337 |
133 |
117 |
9 |
7 |
1948 |
Why would anyone want to go to Mars? |
1.1729 |
0.03923 |
133 |
114 |
15 |
4 |
1949 |
You’d drink too if you were me! |
1.1728 |
0.03566 |
162 |
139 |
18 |
5 |
1950 |
Everyone calls me Mother Earth, but I’ve transitioned. |
1.1728 |
0.03775 |
162 |
141 |
14 |
7 |
1951 |
I'm feeling kind of warm- may a have some ice? |
1.1728 |
0.03672 |
162 |
140 |
16 |
6 |
1952 |
Extra ice, please... |
1.1727 |
0.03811 |
139 |
119 |
16 |
4 |
1953 |
Just like everyone else: no one will listen. |
1.1727 |
0.04201 |
139 |
122 |
10 |
7 |
1954 |
You think your life is boring, I spend the whole day going round and round. |
1.1727 |
0.03811 |
139 |
119 |
16 |
4 |
1955 |
NO! That's the thing. I'm just a randomly colored sphere with a drinking problem. |
1.1727 |
0.03945 |
139 |
120 |
14 |
5 |
1956 |
I'm telling ya, it was so hot in my house, I didn't catch a wink of sleep in July. |
1.1727 |
0.03811 |
139 |
119 |
16 |
4 |
1957 |
Thanks for the drink. I was running dry. |
1.1727 |
0.04075 |
139 |
121 |
12 |
6 |
1958 |
Do you see trees of green, red roses too? Well, I don't! |
1.1727 |
0.03945 |
139 |
120 |
14 |
5 |
1959 |
Climate change? I think I've got Covid. |
1.1727 |
0.03811 |
139 |
119 |
16 |
4 |
1960 |
Yeah, yeah, I look like earth. Lotta good that does me! |
1.1727 |
0.03945 |
139 |
120 |
14 |
5 |
1961 |
My universe doesn't understand me! |
1.1727 |
0.03945 |
139 |
120 |
14 |
5 |
1962 |
Another year and I'm right back where I started. |
1.1727 |
0.04075 |
139 |
121 |
12 |
6 |
1963 |
One day you're the world to everyone, the next they anthropomorphize you into something comical! |
1.1727 |
0.03671 |
139 |
118 |
18 |
3 |
1964 |
'It just seems like every time I turn around it's a new day!' |
1.1726 |
0.03481 |
168 |
144 |
19 |
5 |
1965 |
More ice - quickly |
1.1724 |
0.03296 |
145 |
121 |
23 |
1 |
1966 |
Lately, I do feel flat... |
1.1724 |
0.04626 |
116 |
102 |
8 |
6 |
1967 |
Gorbachev had it easy. |
1.1724 |
0.03707 |
145 |
124 |
17 |
4 |
1968 |
Hey, bartender, I'm dyin over here. |
1.1724 |
0.04112 |
116 |
99 |
14 |
3 |
1969 |
Wiki defines me as a 'washed up cliché'!" |
1.1724 |
0.03957 |
145 |
126 |
13 |
6 |
1970 |
I'm really not on anyone's back ! |
1.1724 |
0.04076 |
145 |
127 |
11 |
7 |
1971 |
So then these punks start calling me 'flat.' Do I look flat to you? |
1.1724 |
0.03575 |
145 |
123 |
19 |
3 |
1972 |
Another Round, please. This one’s gone Flat. |
1.1724 |
0.03575 |
145 |
123 |
19 |
3 |
1973 |
More water, please. I have a notion that my oceans are drying up. |
1.1722 |
0.03731 |
151 |
130 |
16 |
5 |
1974 |
She used to think the world of me. |
1.1722 |
0.03960 |
151 |
132 |
12 |
7 |
1975 |
I tell ya, sometimes I feel the weight of
me is on my shoulders |
1.1722 |
0.03960 |
151 |
132 |
12 |
7 |
1976 |
I gave Atlas my key --
has he been in here lately? |
1.1722 |
0.03731 |
151 |
130 |
16 |
5 |
1977 |
I just feel like I am being pulled in all different directions. |
1.1722 |
0.04177 |
151 |
134 |
8 |
9 |
1978 |
I gotta tell you, it makes my head spin |
1.1722 |
0.03960 |
151 |
132 |
12 |
7 |
1979 |
And at the end of the day that's all I am. A pale blue dot. |
1.1721 |
0.04462 |
122 |
107 |
9 |
6 |
1980 |
They tell me “Hang on Humpty Dumpty” |
1.1721 |
0.04147 |
122 |
105 |
13 |
4 |
1981 |
If the Sun calls, tell her I'm not here. |
1.1721 |
0.04307 |
122 |
106 |
11 |
5 |
1982 |
They're killing me Joe! |
1.1720 |
0.03853 |
157 |
137 |
13 |
7 |
1983 |
Could I get some ice for my drink? I'm running out. |
1.1720 |
0.03280 |
157 |
132 |
23 |
2 |
1984 |
Did this drink have any plastics in it? I'm allergic to plastic! |
1.1720 |
0.03745 |
157 |
136 |
15 |
6 |
1985 |
What on earth are we going to do? |
1.1719 |
0.03860 |
128 |
109 |
16 |
3 |
1986 |
I’m seeing stars |
1.1719 |
0.03697 |
128 |
108 |
18 |
2 |
1987 |
They say the earth's getting hotter, so why am I still single? |
1.1719 |
0.03697 |
128 |
108 |
18 |
2 |
1988 |
I don't need a change of climate. |
1.1718 |
0.03437 |
163 |
139 |
20 |
4 |
1989 |
Can you please play some Eartha? |
1.1718 |
0.03437 |
163 |
139 |
20 |
4 |
1990 |
How about a glass of ice? |
1.1718 |
0.03545 |
163 |
140 |
18 |
5 |
1991 |
And then it turns out that carbon dioxide is actually good for you! |
1.1718 |
0.03437 |
163 |
139 |
20 |
4 |
1992 |
Pardon me, I'm hot and really need to Crack A Cold One. |
1.1718 |
0.03545 |
163 |
140 |
18 |
5 |
1993 |
This climate change stuff is driving me to drink! |
1.1718 |
0.03209 |
163 |
137 |
24 |
2 |
1994 |
What about me? When is it going to be MY turn to go into retrograde?" |
1.1716 |
0.04037 |
134 |
116 |
13 |
5 |
1995 |
Look pal, if a big gray rock comes in asking about me, you never saw me. |
1.1716 |
0.04174 |
134 |
117 |
11 |
6 |
1996 |
An ocean of your best chardonnay, Joe! |
1.1716 |
0.04174 |
134 |
117 |
11 |
6 |
1997 |
So I says, ‘Sorry Pluto, we can’t date. You’re not even a planet.’ |
1.1716 |
0.04174 |
134 |
117 |
11 |
6 |
1998 |
I swear its water! |
1.1714 |
0.03479 |
175 |
151 |
18 |
6 |
1999 |
I feel like my head's spinning. |
1.1714 |
0.03503 |
140 |
118 |
20 |
2 |
2000 |
I'm in a world of hurt. |
1.1714 |
0.03785 |
140 |
120 |
16 |
4 |
2001 |
You know how it goes: everybody celebrates Earth DAY, but at night, I'm on my own. |
1.1714 |
0.03919 |
140 |
121 |
14 |
5 |
2002 |
Don't be so stingy. I'm not asking you to serve everyone on the planet. |
1.1714 |
0.04173 |
140 |
123 |
10 |
7 |
2003 |
People keep talking about my glow up but honestly I haven't been feeling that hot about myself lately. |
1.1714 |
0.03919 |
140 |
121 |
14 |
5 |
2004 |
I need more than a drink. |
1.1712 |
0.03417 |
146 |
123 |
21 |
2 |
2005 |
What’s in this drink? My head is spinning.” |
1.1712 |
0.04050 |
146 |
128 |
11 |
7 |
2006 |
I complain about my hot flashes and I'm told they're not real. I just want to be heard, y'know? |
1.1712 |
0.03809 |
146 |
126 |
15 |
5 |
2007 |
A triple water, please. And keep ‘em coming! |
1.1712 |
0.03683 |
146 |
125 |
17 |
4 |
2008 |
I think that the Moon stood me up again" |
1.1712 |
0.03683 |
146 |
125 |
17 |
4 |
2009 |
I'm afraid it was just another abusive relationship. |
1.1712 |
0.04050 |
146 |
128 |
11 |
7 |
2010 |
Though I am crawling with them, I assure you they are not ants!” |
1.1711 |
0.03708 |
152 |
131 |
16 |
5 |
2011 |
Can I have some more ice? I'm really burning up! |
1.1711 |
0.03337 |
152 |
128 |
22 |
2 |
2012 |
I haven’t missed a day in 4.5 billion years and yet it feels like no one there even cares about me!” |
1.1709 |
0.04079 |
117 |
100 |
14 |
3 |
2013 |
I don't know why Mars is so desirable, do you? |
1.1709 |
0.03723 |
158 |
137 |
15 |
6 |
2014 |
A big serving of whirled peas, please. |
1.1707 |
0.03525 |
164 |
141 |
18 |
5 |
2015 |
Can I get a bunch of ice? |
1.1707 |
0.04115 |
123 |
106 |
13 |
4 |
2016 |
Nothing personal, but of all my parasites your kind is the worst.” |
1.1707 |
0.04274 |
123 |
107 |
11 |
5 |
2017 |
May I have some ice? I think I’m going through climate change! |
1.1707 |
0.03525 |
164 |
141 |
18 |
5 |
2018 |
No one seems to care about me. |
1.1706 |
0.03443 |
170 |
146 |
19 |
5 |
2019 |
Neat please! I’m done with shaken, stirred and on the rocks. |
1.1706 |
0.03639 |
170 |
148 |
15 |
7 |
2020 |
Sometimes I just wish an asteroid would come along and put me out of my misery! |
1.1705 |
0.04280 |
129 |
113 |
10 |
6 |
2021 |
Do you know what's like when they say 'the whole world is watching?' |
1.1705 |
0.03832 |
129 |
110 |
16 |
3 |
2022 |
Joe, don't they realize life on Earth itches? |
1.1705 |
0.04136 |
129 |
112 |
12 |
5 |
2023 |
Can you believe this, I gave her the world and she ends up with Uranus. |
1.1705 |
0.04280 |
129 |
113 |
10 |
6 |
2024 |
This heat is a killer. Make it another cold one. |
1.1705 |
0.03987 |
129 |
111 |
14 |
4 |
2025 |
They say that love makes the world go round. But believe me, Joe, it's alcohol. |
1.1705 |
0.04280 |
129 |
113 |
10 |
6 |
2026 |
When I was kid I was 3/4 water. |
1.1704 |
0.04276 |
135 |
119 |
9 |
7 |
2027 |
Hit me! Everybody else is doing it. |
1.1704 |
0.04145 |
135 |
118 |
11 |
6 |
2028 |
If I hear one more time-What on Earth are you doing here! |
1.1704 |
0.03724 |
135 |
115 |
17 |
3 |
2029 |
Sorry there is no more ice left for you to cool you down. |
1.1704 |
0.03724 |
135 |
115 |
17 |
3 |
2030 |
These climate deniers are driving me to drink. |
1.1704 |
0.03869 |
135 |
116 |
15 |
4 |
2031 |
Can I get a seat on that mission to Mars? |
1.1704 |
0.03724 |
135 |
115 |
17 |
3 |
2032 |
My biggest problem is that I'm bipolar. |
1.1704 |
0.04009 |
135 |
117 |
13 |
5 |
2033 |
Have you seen a little hottie called Venus - she's so high? |
1.1704 |
0.04009 |
135 |
117 |
13 |
5 |
2034 |
Sir, my ice melted. |
1.1704 |
0.03572 |
135 |
114 |
19 |
2 |
2035 |
I lost my ring Bob, Saturn's gonna kill me! |
1.1702 |
0.03760 |
141 |
121 |
16 |
4 |
2036 |
I'm seriously thinking of ending it all... |
1.1702 |
0.03760 |
141 |
121 |
16 |
4 |
2037 |
Does it LOOK like I'm going to hell |
1.1702 |
0.03893 |
141 |
122 |
14 |
5 |
2038 |
Check please. It's been a long day. |
1.1702 |
0.03893 |
141 |
122 |
14 |
5 |
2039 |
The world is going to hell and nobody cares. What do I do now? |
1.1702 |
0.03623 |
141 |
120 |
18 |
3 |
2040 |
A fire, a tornado, and a hurricane walk into a bar....ah, never mind." |
1.1702 |
0.03893 |
141 |
122 |
14 |
5 |
2041 |
Man, I have mountains of problems. My governments have caused me floods of tears and horrible breaking winds, the tree-huggers are dirt poor, the oligarchs are using up my natural oils, and Russia will not behave no matter how many rocks I throw! |
1.1701 |
0.03785 |
147 |
127 |
15 |
5 |
2042 |
Cut me off before I start spinning. |
1.1701 |
0.03530 |
147 |
125 |
19 |
3 |
2043 |
Atlas needed to take the day off, his neck's in pretty bad shape. |
1.1701 |
0.03906 |
147 |
128 |
13 |
6 |
2044 |
A/C not working today??? |
1.1701 |
0.03660 |
147 |
126 |
17 |
4 |
2045 |
That was tough when he had the whole of me in his hands. |
1.1701 |
0.03660 |
147 |
126 |
17 |
4 |
2046 |
...so then I say to my Boss, "What's a Human?" |
1.1701 |
0.03530 |
147 |
125 |
19 |
3 |
2047 |
What am I doing here? What am I doing here? Have you been reading the newspapers or watching CNN? |
1.1699 |
0.03800 |
153 |
133 |
14 |
6 |
2048 |
I miss my friends the dinosaurs. |
1.1699 |
0.03567 |
153 |
131 |
18 |
4 |
2049 |
Just water, thanks. I’m trying to flatten out. |
1.1699 |
0.03567 |
153 |
131 |
18 |
4 |
2050 |
I have no idea how a cue ball gets an STD... |
1.1698 |
0.03701 |
159 |
138 |
15 |
6 |
2051 |
…And yet I’m still dizzy, after spinning for ages! |
1.1698 |
0.04126 |
106 |
90 |
14 |
2 |
2052 |
And then all my glaciers melted. |
1.1698 |
0.03480 |
159 |
136 |
19 |
4 |
2053 |
Ho, boy, what I could tell you,
you don't wanna know!" |
1.1697 |
0.03173 |
165 |
139 |
24 |
2 |
2054 |
Sometimes I feel like no one cares! |
1.1696 |
0.04373 |
112 |
97 |
11 |
4 |
2055 |
So I told him, “you can’t take him off the team! We need nine to play ball!” |
1.1696 |
0.03523 |
171 |
148 |
17 |
6 |
2056 |
I think the planet deserves a good stiff drink |
1.1696 |
0.03217 |
171 |
145 |
23 |
3 |
2057 |
Where's the ice? |
1.1695 |
0.04390 |
118 |
103 |
10 |
5 |
2058 |
Goodbye cruel bar. |
1.1695 |
0.03348 |
177 |
152 |
20 |
5 |
2059 |
Every day is a revolution. Want to join? |
1.1695 |
0.04552 |
118 |
104 |
8 |
6 |
2060 |
I never wanted to get divorced, but Sunny thought my life should revolve around her! |
1.1695 |
0.04390 |
118 |
103 |
10 |
5 |
2061 |
Stop calling me Patches. I have vitiligo. |
1.1695 |
0.04222 |
118 |
102 |
12 |
4 |
2062 |
The other planets voted me designated drinker. |
1.1694 |
0.04084 |
124 |
107 |
13 |
4 |
2063 |
No one understands me. I have needs too. |
1.1694 |
0.04084 |
124 |
107 |
13 |
4 |
2064 |
It’s like they don’t even care. |
1.1694 |
0.03570 |
124 |
104 |
19 |
1 |
2065 |
Did you hear the one about the earth walks into a bar ? |
1.1694 |
0.03921 |
124 |
106 |
15 |
3 |
2066 |
I feel like my life just goes in circles. |
1.1692 |
0.03958 |
130 |
112 |
14 |
4 |
2067 |
I’ve got the weight of some guy on my shoulders! |
1.1692 |
0.03805 |
130 |
111 |
16 |
3 |
2068 |
Atlas dropped me when I was a child! |
1.1692 |
0.04249 |
130 |
114 |
10 |
6 |
2069 |
I know they don't mean it, but 'the whole world just sucks' hurts. |
1.1692 |
0.04106 |
130 |
113 |
12 |
5 |
2070 |
I said neat. Do I look like I need more water? |
1.1692 |
0.03645 |
130 |
110 |
18 |
2 |
2071 |
It has been a rough year. Make it a double, please! |
1.1692 |
0.04106 |
130 |
113 |
12 |
5 |
2072 |
Look at me...and they keep sayin' it's just a hoax! |
1.1692 |
0.03958 |
130 |
112 |
14 |
4 |
2073 |
Wait, I ordered a Cosmos |
1.1691 |
0.03843 |
136 |
117 |
15 |
4 |
2074 |
Hi, from the world. |
1.1691 |
0.03843 |
136 |
117 |
15 |
4 |
2075 |
If you really wanted to save the planet, the next drink would be on the house. |
1.1690 |
0.03867 |
142 |
123 |
14 |
5 |
2076 |
Can I get some ice, I’m boiling over here. |
1.1690 |
0.03600 |
142 |
121 |
18 |
3 |
2077 |
I just caught 7 other planets circling my beloved sunshine! |
1.1690 |
0.03600 |
142 |
121 |
18 |
3 |
2078 |
The wildfires were the final straw. |
1.1690 |
0.03458 |
142 |
120 |
20 |
2 |
2079 |
But there’s still 90 seconds to midnight. |
1.1690 |
0.03994 |
142 |
124 |
12 |
6 |
2080 |
Not shaken, not stirred. Just on the rocks, all night long! |
1.1690 |
0.03600 |
142 |
121 |
18 |
3 |
2081 |
Is it getting warm in here -- or is it me? |
1.1689 |
0.03637 |
148 |
127 |
17 |
4 |
2082 |
It’s your fault, you know. |
1.1689 |
0.03761 |
148 |
128 |
15 |
5 |
2083 |
What do you mean? You only take bitcoin? |
1.1689 |
0.03375 |
148 |
125 |
21 |
2 |
2084 |
And so I said, "do you think I'm hot". |
1.1689 |
0.03508 |
148 |
126 |
19 |
3 |
2085 |
I just need the booze, I'm already mostly made of water. |
1.1689 |
0.03761 |
148 |
128 |
15 |
5 |
2086 |
Half full? Half empty? Just top me off. |
1.1689 |
0.03881 |
148 |
129 |
13 |
6 |
2087 |
It really burns me up the way they treat me! |
1.1688 |
0.03545 |
154 |
132 |
18 |
4 |
2088 |
Even the ice in my drink melts. |
1.1688 |
0.03545 |
154 |
132 |
18 |
4 |
2089 |
Oh man, you will not believe the day I have had. |
1.1688 |
0.03663 |
154 |
133 |
16 |
5 |
2090 |
I ordered a DOUBLE Long Drink, Sir |
1.1688 |
0.03297 |
154 |
130 |
22 |
2 |
2091 |
I’m parched, make it a double! |
1.1687 |
0.03486 |
166 |
143 |
18 |
5 |
2092 |
Is this filtered?? |
1.1687 |
0.03269 |
166 |
141 |
22 |
3 |
2093 |
Hot flashes, man—now I REALLY get it! |
1.1681 |
0.04151 |
113 |
97 |
13 |
3 |
2094 |
You gotta believe me, Charlie. I'm flushed and winded, have tremors, and feel like I'm spinning out of control. |
1.1681 |
0.03956 |
113 |
96 |
15 |
2 |
2095 |
Being the host of parasitic humans has nearly ruined me. That’s why I drink. |
1.1681 |
0.03834 |
119 |
101 |
16 |
2 |
2096 |
I’m afraid I tell you, there trying to kill me |
1.1680 |
0.04361 |
125 |
110 |
9 |
6 |
2097 |
Anything on the rocks and make it a double. |
1.1680 |
0.04506 |
125 |
111 |
7 |
7 |
2098 |
And if Trump wins... |
1.1679 |
0.03930 |
131 |
113 |
14 |
4 |
2099 |
Buddy, I've got a world of problems... |
1.1679 |
0.04077 |
131 |
114 |
12 |
5 |
2100 |
Just bring me the bottle |
1.1679 |
0.03930 |
131 |
113 |
14 |
4 |
2101 |
Is it true that single malt absorbs CO2? |
1.1679 |
0.03930 |
131 |
113 |
14 |
4 |
2102 |
You think this is hot? You shoulda been here for the big bang. |
1.1679 |
0.03930 |
131 |
113 |
14 |
4 |
2103 |
Believe me, I really don't know what went wrong |
1.1679 |
0.03930 |
131 |
113 |
14 |
4 |
2104 |
Keep 'em coming, I'm two thirds water! |
1.1679 |
0.03930 |
131 |
113 |
14 |
4 |
2105 |
And then she says, “Cool it! You’re getting too heated!” |
1.1679 |
0.03930 |
131 |
113 |
14 |
4 |
2106 |
Make it a "triple" this time. I can't go back out there sober! |
1.1679 |
0.03524 |
137 |
116 |
19 |
2 |
2107 |
It's hard to resist, when it's always 5:00 somewhere in the world. |
1.1679 |
0.04088 |
137 |
120 |
11 |
6 |
2108 |
Problems? You bet. No one treats me with respect anymore. |
1.1679 |
0.03673 |
137 |
117 |
17 |
3 |
2109 |
All these sectarian conflicts are wearing me out. What do you have for that? |
1.1679 |
0.03524 |
137 |
116 |
19 |
2 |
2110 |
Do you have any peanuts? It’s been a long time since I’ve had anything complimentary. |
1.1679 |
0.03673 |
137 |
117 |
17 |
3 |
2111 |
Can I get some more ice, I'm burning up over here. |
1.1679 |
0.03816 |
137 |
118 |
15 |
4 |
2112 |
If I don't have a reason to DRINK no one does. Who do those radical, republican, science deniers think they are? |
1.1679 |
0.03955 |
137 |
119 |
13 |
5 |
2113 |
Well, if I rotate the other way a little bit, then it won’t be closing time. So, just chill and let me finish my story. |
1.1679 |
0.04088 |
137 |
120 |
11 |
6 |
2114 |
It’s not my fault things are changing for the worse for me. |
1.1678 |
0.03842 |
143 |
124 |
14 |
5 |
2115 |
Troubles? Talk about troubles? I'm just warming up. |
1.1678 |
0.03576 |
143 |
122 |
18 |
3 |
2116 |
I tell you, I'm dying, and too few give a shit! |
1.1678 |
0.04090 |
143 |
126 |
10 |
7 |
2117 |
It's either a melanoma or plate tectonics. |
1.1678 |
0.03712 |
143 |
123 |
16 |
4 |
2118 |
What in the world are you talking about? |
1.1678 |
0.03436 |
143 |
121 |
20 |
2 |
2119 |
So I says to the guy, boy is it hot in here. |
1.1678 |
0.03576 |
143 |
122 |
18 |
3 |
2120 |
Five years at this job and I'm still going around in circles. |
1.1678 |
0.03857 |
149 |
130 |
13 |
6 |
2121 |
Better bring me the bottle. |
1.1678 |
0.03354 |
149 |
126 |
21 |
2 |
2122 |
And then Luna tells me, “We just keep going round and round and never getting anywhere.” |
1.1678 |
0.03738 |
149 |
129 |
15 |
5 |
2123 |
I'm burning up! Can I get some environmental protection with that side of ice please? |
1.1677 |
0.03524 |
155 |
133 |
18 |
4 |
2124 |
A double scotch will fix the Panama Canal
Nancy M. Frieden
2202 Kendal Way, Sleepy Hollosw, NY 10591
914 922 1843 |
1.1677 |
0.03641 |
155 |
134 |
16 |
5 |
2125 |
You don't want to know what I've been through. |
1.1677 |
0.03277 |
155 |
131 |
22 |
2 |
2126 |
Everyone is always complaining about the weight of the world on their shoulders. But it's mostly water weight! |
1.1677 |
0.03524 |
155 |
133 |
18 |
4 |
2127 |
It's all messed up, no matter what spin I put on it |
1.1677 |
0.03403 |
155 |
132 |
20 |
3 |
2128 |
...and now they expect me to return to the office as if nothing happened. |
1.1677 |
0.03403 |
155 |
132 |
20 |
3 |
2129 |
When I'm the one that needs a drink, there's a problem. |
1.1677 |
0.03658 |
161 |
140 |
15 |
6 |
2130 |
So…people think I’m cruel? |
1.1677 |
0.03251 |
167 |
142 |
22 |
3 |
2131 |
Water? Please, anything but water."
Curt Wyffels, Plymouth, M |
1.1677 |
0.03360 |
167 |
143 |
20 |
4 |
2132 |
Okay, I'm the one who loaded up the jukebox with Air Supply. |
1.1667 |
0.04117 |
114 |
98 |
13 |
3 |
2133 |
This heat is killing me.” |
1.1667 |
0.03256 |
132 |
110 |
22 |
0 |
2134 |
Lately, they're all on thin ice. |
1.1667 |
0.03902 |
132 |
114 |
14 |
4 |
2135 |
Why do people insist on talking about my weight? |
1.1667 |
0.03928 |
138 |
120 |
13 |
5 |
2136 |
Then she sez 'you got cooties! Eight billion of them!' |
1.1667 |
0.04060 |
138 |
121 |
11 |
6 |
2137 |
I just need an unexhaustable supply of cool, clear water. |
1.1667 |
0.03530 |
162 |
140 |
17 |
5 |
2138 |
God, Nobody listens to me. |
1.1667 |
0.03791 |
138 |
119 |
15 |
4 |
2139 |
Could you refill my ice? |
1.1667 |
0.03791 |
138 |
119 |
15 |
4 |
2140 |
She knew the moon and I were attracted to each other way before we got married" |
1.1667 |
0.03414 |
144 |
122 |
20 |
2 |
2141 |
Why am I the only one concerned with my fate? |
1.1667 |
0.03465 |
150 |
128 |
19 |
3 |
2142 |
At our age, you’d think we wouldn’t be changing so much. |
1.1667 |
0.03342 |
168 |
144 |
20 |
4 |
2143 |
I think the Earth is out of place |
1.1667 |
0.03553 |
144 |
123 |
18 |
3 |
2144 |
Could I get some water? |
1.1667 |
0.03751 |
132 |
113 |
16 |
3 |
2145 |
Nah, seriously! I'm in a whole world of hurt.
or
Don't look at me like that. My crisis is everybody's crisis! |
1.1667 |
0.04188 |
138 |
122 |
9 |
7 |
2146 |
HELP ME FATHER |
1.1667 |
0.03200 |
180 |
154 |
22 |
4 |
2147 |
I'm done with you guys! |
1.1667 |
0.03447 |
168 |
145 |
18 |
5 |
2148 |
I'm sick and tired of heating up, make the next drink a double. |
1.1667 |
0.03233 |
168 |
143 |
22 |
3 |
2149 |
More ice. Less water! |
1.1667 |
0.03346 |
138 |
116 |
21 |
1 |
2150 |
Every time I complain, "It's so hot," some wiseass shouts "How hot is it?". I've run out of punchlines. |
1.1667 |
0.03791 |
138 |
119 |
15 |
4 |
2151 |
And then Venus walked in. So hot and red. It was all over for me. |
1.1667 |
0.04179 |
126 |
110 |
11 |
5 |
2152 |
I’m in a world of hurt, I tell ya, a world of hurt! |
1.1667 |
0.03817 |
144 |
125 |
14 |
5 |
2153 |
My whole world is falling apart! |
1.1667 |
0.04063 |
144 |
127 |
10 |
7 |
2154 |
Keep ‘em coming. I’m just warming up. |
1.1667 |
0.03695 |
126 |
107 |
17 |
2 |
2155 |
I feel like like I'm not getting anywhere. Like I'm just going around in circles. |
1.1667 |
0.03530 |
162 |
140 |
17 |
5 |
2156 |
The earth is drinking water because the water is eighty percent of the body |
1.1667 |
0.03592 |
150 |
129 |
17 |
4 |
2157 |
it’s called a world wide, sake, schnapps, and bourbon |
1.1667 |
0.03804 |
120 |
102 |
16 |
2 |
2158 |
I’m here to solve the problems of the world. |
1.1667 |
0.04648 |
114 |
101 |
7 |
6 |
2159 |
Can you recommend a strong, pick-me-upper? |
1.1667 |
0.03751 |
132 |
113 |
16 |
3 |
2160 |
Could I get some more ice? Mine’s melting. |
1.1667 |
0.03833 |
150 |
131 |
13 |
6 |
2161 |
Thanks,Sam. Guess I'll be wobbling off now. |
1.1667 |
0.03346 |
138 |
116 |
21 |
1 |
2162 |
It all started with Adam and Eve |
1.1667 |
0.03102 |
180 |
153 |
24 |
3 |
2163 |
I have all the problems in the world |
1.1667 |
0.03863 |
126 |
108 |
15 |
3 |
2164 |
Why so glum Charlie? People think the world of you. |
1.1667 |
0.03188 |
162 |
137 |
23 |
2 |
2165 |
Thank you! You help me keep the peace. |
1.1667 |
0.04188 |
132 |
116 |
10 |
6 |
2166 |
Whoa! This drink tastes likes it's 71% water. |
1.1667 |
0.03503 |
156 |
134 |
18 |
4 |
2167 |
It hurts too much to laugh and I am too old to cry |
1.1667 |
0.03928 |
138 |
120 |
13 |
5 |
2168 |
Is it me, or is it getting too hot in here? |
1.1667 |
0.03902 |
132 |
114 |
14 |
4 |
2169 |
She said I looked hot…should I have asked for her number? |
1.1667 |
0.03863 |
126 |
108 |
15 |
3 |
2170 |
Make it a double. No, triple. Oh, just give me the whole bottle. |
1.1667 |
0.03503 |
156 |
134 |
18 |
4 |
2171 |
Excuse me. I ordered a hurricane. |
1.1667 |
0.03503 |
156 |
134 |
18 |
4 |
2172 |
And now I'm "cancelled" because I flooded a couple islands down in the Carribean. Big deal! No one even knew they existed before!
*heavy sigh*
Sometimes I wish I could be sucked into a black hole. |
1.1657 |
0.03529 |
169 |
147 |
16 |
6 |
2173 |
Just one more to warm up, please! |
1.1656 |
0.03287 |
163 |
139 |
21 |
3 |
2174 |
Another ice water, please. And make it a triple shot. |
1.1656 |
0.03597 |
157 |
136 |
16 |
5 |
2175 |
Did you say last call? |
1.1656 |
0.03239 |
157 |
133 |
22 |
2 |
2176 |
I’ve been hearing voices. |
1.1656 |
0.03482 |
157 |
135 |
18 |
4 |
2177 |
The earth wants to talk to the bartender |
1.1656 |
0.03691 |
151 |
131 |
15 |
5 |
2178 |
Who is this 'Atlas' guy anyway? |
1.1656 |
0.03177 |
151 |
127 |
23 |
1 |
2179 |
Thanks for listening, it means the world to me. |
1.1656 |
0.03570 |
151 |
130 |
17 |
4 |
2180 |
Not only is this drink flat … |
1.1656 |
0.03444 |
151 |
129 |
19 |
3 |
2181 |
I keep telling her I can't be her whole world. |
1.1656 |
0.03691 |
151 |
131 |
15 |
5 |
2182 |
WTF?! |
1.1655 |
0.03916 |
145 |
127 |
12 |
6 |
2183 |
Oh it's excruciating, but I've tried everything, and I can't get them off. |
1.1655 |
0.03916 |
145 |
127 |
12 |
6 |
2184 |
Do you want to know about the problems of the world? |
1.1655 |
0.03664 |
145 |
125 |
16 |
4 |
2185 |
When the world has had enough |
1.1655 |
0.03664 |
145 |
125 |
16 |
4 |
2186 |
She ran off with some hot shot comet, she claims that I've changed. 1 degree, Hank, I changed 1 degree! |
1.1655 |
0.03792 |
145 |
126 |
14 |
5 |
2187 |
It seems like this is the only place anyone will listen to Me anymore! Gimme another |
1.1655 |
0.03531 |
145 |
124 |
18 |
3 |
2188 |
Yes,ice again please. |
1.1655 |
0.03392 |
145 |
123 |
20 |
2 |
2189 |
Seriously, that’s all I get? You do know your entire existence depends on me…right? |
1.1655 |
0.03664 |
145 |
125 |
16 |
4 |
2190 |
Let me tell you what’ s wrong with me |
1.1655 |
0.03624 |
139 |
119 |
17 |
3 |
2191 |
Ok ok ok let me tell you about Mars: man, I mean...fuck Mars. |
1.1655 |
0.04160 |
139 |
123 |
9 |
7 |
2192 |
Please make the next one 'on the rocks.' |
1.1655 |
0.03477 |
139 |
118 |
19 |
2 |
2193 |
I have needs, Man. |
1.1655 |
0.03477 |
139 |
118 |
19 |
2 |
2194 |
This is going to end in disaster. |
1.1655 |
0.04033 |
139 |
122 |
11 |
6 |
2195 |
Bubbles alone are fine, it’s the carbonation I can do without. |
1.1655 |
0.03624 |
139 |
119 |
17 |
3 |
2196 |
WHO just fired me. |
1.1655 |
0.03477 |
139 |
118 |
19 |
2 |
2197 |
I've been a globalist forever but why are people upset about it now? |
1.1654 |
0.04019 |
133 |
116 |
12 |
5 |
2198 |
Can you open a few windows? |
1.1654 |
0.03875 |
133 |
115 |
14 |
4 |
2199 |
Joe, what's in this drink? I feel like I'm spinning. |
1.1654 |
0.04019 |
133 |
116 |
12 |
5 |
2200 |
I won't be here for long, so make the next one a double. |
1.1654 |
0.04159 |
133 |
117 |
10 |
6 |
2201 |
Is it just me or are you feeling warmer too? |
1.1654 |
0.03725 |
133 |
114 |
16 |
3 |
2202 |
Why do you hate me? |
1.1654 |
0.03569 |
133 |
113 |
18 |
2 |
2203 |
Thanks for the clear clean water. I really needed it.” |
1.1654 |
0.04296 |
127 |
112 |
9 |
6 |
2204 |
I’m still struggling with my ‘flat’ complex. |
1.1654 |
0.04148 |
127 |
111 |
11 |
5 |
2205 |
Everything just seems to run hot and cold lately. |
1.1654 |
0.03994 |
127 |
110 |
13 |
4 |
2206 |
Anything on ice;
Hold the Anything. |
1.1653 |
0.03953 |
121 |
104 |
14 |
3 |
2207 |
She said I was her whole world. |
1.1653 |
0.04124 |
121 |
105 |
12 |
4 |
2208 |
So this one dog says “I made the moon disappear, top that!” Next thing I know I’m sitting here. |
1.1653 |
0.04445 |
121 |
107 |
8 |
6 |
2209 |
And don't even get me started on the hot flashes! |
1.1653 |
0.04124 |
121 |
105 |
12 |
4 |
2210 |
...and then I found out the Moon is seeing other planets. |
1.1652 |
0.04266 |
115 |
100 |
11 |
4 |
2211 |
I'm a walking example of what the world will look like if we don't do something about climate change. |
1.1652 |
0.03892 |
115 |
98 |
15 |
2 |
2212 |
I just lost my mother |
1.1646 |
0.03031 |
164 |
138 |
25 |
1 |
2213 |
How many millennia do I have to put up with this shitty climate?" |
1.1646 |
0.03490 |
164 |
142 |
17 |
5 |
2214 |
I need a cold one. Temperatures have been out of control! |
1.1646 |
0.03268 |
164 |
140 |
21 |
3 |
2215 |
Nobody cares. |
1.1646 |
0.03220 |
158 |
134 |
22 |
2 |
2216 |
I’ve seen the dark side of the moon. |
1.1646 |
0.03795 |
158 |
139 |
12 |
7 |
2217 |
And then he says, "You've got carbon up the kazoo," as if it's MY fault! |
1.1646 |
0.03576 |
158 |
137 |
16 |
5 |
2218 |
Atlas shrugged and now I'm going to pieces. |
1.1645 |
0.03668 |
152 |
132 |
15 |
5 |
2219 |
I'll have a Corpse Reviver No. 2, please |
1.1645 |
0.03548 |
152 |
131 |
17 |
4 |
2220 |
when the world waves good-bye to you. |
1.1645 |
0.03785 |
152 |
133 |
13 |
6 |
2221 |
So set'em up,Joe,I have a little story I think you should know. |
1.1645 |
0.03423 |
152 |
130 |
19 |
3 |
2222 |
Earth: “Bourbon on the rocks”
Bartender: “We are out of ice”
Earth: “Same” |
1.1645 |
0.03548 |
152 |
131 |
17 |
4 |
2223 |
YOU FORGOT THE ICE! |
1.1644 |
0.03640 |
146 |
126 |
16 |
4 |
2224 |
See you later Joe, my whole body is spinning. |
1.1644 |
0.03768 |
146 |
127 |
14 |
5 |
2225 |
Is it pumpkin spice season yet? |
1.1644 |
0.03768 |
146 |
127 |
14 |
5 |
2226 |
What's the world coming to? Joe's bar as you can see |
1.1644 |
0.04011 |
146 |
129 |
10 |
7 |
2227 |
No more for me, I’m trying to watch my equator. |
1.1644 |
0.03508 |
146 |
125 |
18 |
3 |
2228 |
Seriously men! I have fleas … Look! Look! … they walk all over! |
1.1644 |
0.03508 |
146 |
125 |
18 |
3 |
2229 |
Ya know,some days I feel like I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders. |
1.1644 |
0.03640 |
146 |
126 |
16 |
4 |
2230 |
Yo, can you turn on the air conditioning please? |
1.1643 |
0.04005 |
140 |
123 |
11 |
6 |
2231 |
Excuse me can I use the bathroom? I have diarrhea. |
1.1643 |
0.04132 |
140 |
124 |
9 |
7 |
2232 |
Yeah, don't even get me started on the Moon! |
1.1643 |
0.03875 |
140 |
122 |
13 |
5 |
2233 |
What do you mean your ice machine is broken?! |
1.1643 |
0.04005 |
140 |
123 |
11 |
6 |
2234 |
Remember me, Earth |
1.1643 |
0.03740 |
140 |
121 |
15 |
4 |
2235 |
Am I looking a little round to you? |
1.1643 |
0.03600 |
140 |
120 |
17 |
3 |
2236 |
Can you point me somewhere that isn’t Last Chance Saloon? |
1.1643 |
0.03600 |
140 |
120 |
17 |
3 |
2237 |
No respect. I tell ya Mack I get no respect at all. |
1.1642 |
0.03991 |
134 |
117 |
12 |
5 |
2238 |
No, she didn’t leave me for another planet. She left me for a ‘dwarf’ planet! |
1.1642 |
0.03848 |
134 |
116 |
14 |
4 |
2239 |
I can’t wait to fall back. |
1.1642 |
0.03991 |
134 |
117 |
12 |
5 |
2240 |
Fill my glass up from my Mississippi. |
1.1642 |
0.03544 |
134 |
114 |
18 |
2 |
2241 |
I'm drinking what?! |
1.1642 |
0.03544 |
134 |
114 |
18 |
2 |
2242 |
Wind was here? And Fire?! |
1.1642 |
0.03848 |
134 |
116 |
14 |
4 |
2243 |
It really was out of this world. |
1.1642 |
0.03699 |
134 |
115 |
16 |
3 |
2244 |
You'll tell when I've had enough, right? |
1.1642 |
0.04263 |
134 |
119 |
8 |
7 |
2245 |
…and the wildfires! Oh boy, if the floods weren’t bad enough!” |
1.1642 |
0.03991 |
134 |
117 |
12 |
5 |
2246 |
I tell ya I'm feeling seismic changes in my personality! |
1.1642 |
0.03848 |
134 |
116 |
14 |
4 |
2247 |
The world does not revolve around you, Sam. |
1.1642 |
0.03544 |
134 |
114 |
18 |
2 |
2248 |
Men from Mars, women from Venus, and I keep getting caught between them. |
1.1641 |
0.04117 |
128 |
112 |
11 |
5 |
2249 |
Am I all there is? |
1.1641 |
0.03965 |
128 |
111 |
13 |
4 |
2250 |
It's no use: I can't hold my water. |
1.1641 |
0.03965 |
128 |
111 |
13 |
4 |
2251 |
I tell you, first they suck you dry, then they pump you full of gas and light a match…what are you gonna do? |
1.1639 |
0.04092 |
122 |
106 |
12 |
4 |
2252 |
Can I have some ice caps? |
1.1639 |
0.04092 |
122 |
106 |
12 |
4 |
2253 |
It's not like I never had problems, but man, in the past few years, it has been one crisis after another. |
1.1639 |
0.04411 |
122 |
108 |
8 |
6 |
2254 |
Have any ice? Mine is melting. |
1.1636 |
0.03250 |
165 |
141 |
21 |
3 |
2255 |
Do you have anything for an infestation of bipeds? |
1.1636 |
0.04190 |
110 |
95 |
12 |
3 |
2256 |
Is this place hot, or is it just me? |
1.1635 |
0.03323 |
159 |
136 |
20 |
3 |
2257 |
Do you know what it's like to have the weight of the world on your shoulders? |
1.1635 |
0.03441 |
159 |
137 |
18 |
4 |
2258 |
I should never have given up drinking! |
1.1634 |
0.03139 |
153 |
129 |
23 |
1 |
2259 |
More ice, please. I'm dying here. |
1.1633 |
0.03617 |
147 |
127 |
16 |
4 |
2260 |
I lost a bet. |
1.1633 |
0.03350 |
147 |
125 |
20 |
2 |
2261 |
They're still discussing |
1.1633 |
0.03617 |
147 |
127 |
16 |
4 |
2262 |
I need a cold one! |
1.1633 |
0.03486 |
147 |
126 |
18 |
3 |
2263 |
And another, bartender. Blue planet got the blues. |
1.1633 |
0.03744 |
147 |
128 |
14 |
5 |
2264 |
Ice? Can't remember the last time I had ice! |
1.1631 |
0.03432 |
141 |
120 |
19 |
2 |
2265 |
It's so hard! At my core I'm an introvert. |
1.1631 |
0.03715 |
141 |
122 |
15 |
4 |
2266 |
Make it a double. I'm just warming up. |
1.1631 |
0.03849 |
141 |
123 |
13 |
5 |
2267 |
I need a bit more than an ice cold sex on the beach! |
1.1631 |
0.03849 |
141 |
123 |
13 |
5 |
2268 |
Sometimes it feels like I'm carrying the world on my shoulders. |
1.1630 |
0.03674 |
135 |
116 |
16 |
3 |
2269 |
My lifeforms don't understand me. |
1.1630 |
0.04100 |
135 |
119 |
10 |
6 |
2270 |
Whaddaya mean there’s no ice? |
1.1630 |
0.03963 |
135 |
118 |
12 |
5 |
2271 |
Can I have some ice? |
1.1630 |
0.03520 |
135 |
115 |
18 |
2 |
2272 |
I'll take anything without carbonation. |
1.1630 |
0.03821 |
135 |
117 |
14 |
4 |
2273 |
On the rocks,and quick - before that narcissist Sun gets here. |
1.1630 |
0.03674 |
135 |
116 |
16 |
3 |
2274 |
And what does he do? He just SHRUGS! |
1.1630 |
0.03520 |
135 |
115 |
18 |
2 |
2275 |
They’re trying to leave me for Mars |
1.1630 |
0.03963 |
135 |
118 |
12 |
5 |
2276 |
Covid, el nino, fires, floods, quakes, hurricanes, heat waves - and you wonder what am I coming too? |
1.1630 |
0.03821 |
135 |
117 |
14 |
4 |
2277 |
Four and a half billion years old, and now I get hot flashes?! |
1.1630 |
0.03963 |
135 |
118 |
12 |
5 |
2278 |
Have you seen a guy called Atlas lately? |
1.1630 |
0.03963 |
135 |
118 |
12 |
5 |
2279 |
On second thought, make it on the rocks. |
1.1628 |
0.03936 |
129 |
112 |
13 |
4 |
2280 |
Can you recommend a suitable iced cocktail that will cool me down? |
1.1628 |
0.04087 |
129 |
113 |
11 |
5 |
2281 |
Atlas shrugged. Need I say more? |
1.1628 |
0.03615 |
129 |
110 |
17 |
2 |
2282 |
And it feels like I'm on fire, you know, but nobody's listening. |
1.1628 |
0.03779 |
129 |
111 |
15 |
3 |
2283 |
If Pluto can lose his job, it can happen to any of us! |
1.1628 |
0.04087 |
129 |
113 |
11 |
5 |
2284 |
can you lend a hand... |
1.1628 |
0.03615 |
129 |
110 |
17 |
2 |
2285 |
A little ice? |
1.1626 |
0.04061 |
123 |
107 |
12 |
4 |
2286 |
I’m dying anyway. Give me a double! |
1.1626 |
0.04061 |
123 |
107 |
12 |
4 |
2287 |
Bartender. Could you turn off the AC, it's killing me! |
1.1626 |
0.04527 |
123 |
110 |
6 |
7 |
2288 |
How's about some ice in it; I'm feeling warmer lately. |
1.1625 |
0.03421 |
160 |
138 |
18 |
4 |
2289 |
I've been talking about UFO's for centuries! |
1.1625 |
0.03644 |
160 |
140 |
14 |
6 |
2290 |
No one respects me anymore. It is like I'm not even here. |
1.1624 |
0.04018 |
117 |
101 |
13 |
3 |
2291 |
Oh no! I think my South Pole is leaking. |
1.1624 |
0.03633 |
117 |
99 |
17 |
1 |
2292 |
What I really need now is love sweet love. |
1.1623 |
0.03381 |
154 |
132 |
19 |
3 |
2293 |
Oy, am I schvitzing over here... |
1.1622 |
0.03720 |
148 |
129 |
14 |
5 |
2294 |
Sunrise...sunset".. |
1.1622 |
0.03329 |
148 |
126 |
20 |
2 |
2295 |
Thanks for the quencher. It's just too hot out there. |
1.1622 |
0.03959 |
148 |
131 |
10 |
7 |
2296 |
Why do I need water? I’m mostly water |
1.1622 |
0.03024 |
185 |
158 |
24 |
3 |
2297 |
They keep telling me to chill out! |
1.1622 |
0.03188 |
148 |
125 |
22 |
1 |
2298 |
You know, no one ever says ‘Big world!’” |
1.1622 |
0.03594 |
148 |
128 |
16 |
4 |
2299 |
I haven't any drinkable water left. Where do you get yours? |
1.1622 |
0.03594 |
148 |
128 |
16 |
4 |
2300 |
I just wanna cool down a bit. |
1.1620 |
0.03952 |
142 |
125 |
11 |
6 |
2301 |
What's on the menu for World Order? |
1.1620 |
0.03553 |
142 |
122 |
17 |
3 |
2302 |
Thanks using a glass. I’m sick of water bottles. |
1.1620 |
0.03553 |
142 |
122 |
17 |
3 |
2303 |
I don't know how much more of this climate change I can handle. |
1.1620 |
0.03824 |
142 |
124 |
13 |
5 |
2304 |
It's like all the good single ladies have disappeared into a black hole! |
1.1620 |
0.03691 |
142 |
123 |
15 |
4 |
2305 |
By the time I leave, I want to be mostly scotch and water. |
1.1620 |
0.03691 |
142 |
123 |
15 |
4 |
2306 |
Is it just me, or is it hot in here?
_______________________________
~ Ellen Zaslow, Sausalito, CA |
1.1620 |
0.03553 |
142 |
122 |
17 |
3 |
2307 |
I come here for the grasshoppers because they're still green. |
1.1620 |
0.03409 |
142 |
121 |
19 |
2 |
2308 |
If I tell you something Atlas, promise not to shrug again? |
1.1620 |
0.03553 |
142 |
122 |
17 |
3 |
2309 |
My axis of evil is acting up again. |
1.1619 |
0.04514 |
105 |
92 |
9 |
4 |
2310 |
And then I find out she's had a thing with all ALL the inner planets. |
1.1618 |
0.03936 |
136 |
119 |
12 |
5 |
2311 |
It's hard being Earth. |
1.1618 |
0.03496 |
136 |
116 |
18 |
2 |
2312 |
It's getting so bad here, I am thinking of changing orbits |
1.1618 |
0.03795 |
136 |
118 |
14 |
4 |
2313 |
I'm just trying to cool off |
1.1618 |
0.03795 |
136 |
118 |
14 |
4 |
2314 |
I'll have another Climate Change, with very little ice. |
1.1618 |
0.03795 |
136 |
118 |
14 |
4 |
2315 |
On the rocks, please. I need to cool off. |
1.1618 |
0.03795 |
136 |
118 |
14 |
4 |
2316 |
Im going through the change, hot flashes and all. |
1.1618 |
0.04072 |
136 |
120 |
10 |
6 |
2317 |
Oh, come on!
Do I look flat to you? I wish. |
1.1618 |
0.03795 |
136 |
118 |
14 |
4 |
2318 |
The universe has it out for me. |
1.1618 |
0.03496 |
136 |
116 |
18 |
2 |
2319 |
Easy for you to say. You aren't stuck with Darwin's theory of evolution. |
1.1618 |
0.03649 |
136 |
117 |
16 |
3 |
2320 |
Yeah,I know…I look like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders. |
1.1618 |
0.03936 |
136 |
119 |
12 |
5 |
2321 |
My sense of humor is too polarized for relevant social commentary. |
1.1615 |
0.03752 |
130 |
112 |
15 |
3 |
2322 |
I’ll take your specialty, around the world cocktail! |
1.1615 |
0.03419 |
130 |
110 |
19 |
1 |
2323 |
This drink is watered down. Trust me, I'd know. |
1.1615 |
0.04057 |
130 |
114 |
11 |
5 |
2324 |
Sorry, my bad... Volcanoes. |
1.1615 |
0.03752 |
130 |
112 |
15 |
3 |
2325 |
Is it just me or does anyone else think it's getting hot? |
1.1615 |
0.03752 |
130 |
112 |
15 |
3 |
2326 |
I'm not feeling well. |
1.1615 |
0.03752 |
130 |
112 |
15 |
3 |
2327 |
With things as they are, I'm pretty sure I don't want to have children. |
1.1615 |
0.03908 |
130 |
113 |
13 |
4 |
2328 |
She was getting thinner and thinner and then one night she just up and disappears |
1.1615 |
0.03752 |
130 |
112 |
15 |
3 |
2329 |
It’s like, this bar is the only place my head isn’t spinning, you know!? |
1.1615 |
0.03401 |
161 |
139 |
18 |
4 |
2330 |
Can I get a refill? I'm burning up over here. |
1.1615 |
0.03285 |
161 |
138 |
20 |
3 |
2331 |
...Really, I'm just tired of being orbited! They keep pulling on my tides like I wont notice... |
1.1613 |
0.03102 |
155 |
131 |
23 |
1 |
2332 |
I just worry that if there were an "Earth 2", I'd probably be the last to know about it. |
1.1613 |
0.04030 |
124 |
108 |
12 |
4 |
2333 |
I've got a whole world of problems, but who would listen...? |
1.1613 |
0.03864 |
124 |
107 |
14 |
3 |
2334 |
All I said was, “Let’s eat, Uranus!” |
1.1613 |
0.03864 |
124 |
107 |
14 |
3 |
2335 |
I just need a little something to cool me down. |
1.1613 |
0.03361 |
155 |
133 |
19 |
3 |
2336 |
Heard the one about the climate denialist and the flat-earther who walked into a bar together? |
1.1613 |
0.04030 |
124 |
108 |
12 |
4 |
2337 |
People make me sick! |
1.1613 |
0.04190 |
124 |
109 |
10 |
5 |
2338 |
If I was flat, it would all be different! |
1.1613 |
0.04190 |
124 |
109 |
10 |
5 |
2339 |
She told me I was 'hot', and like an idiot I took it the wrong way. |
1.1613 |
0.04030 |
124 |
108 |
12 |
4 |
2340 |
Can I get a Hurricane chaser? |
1.1611 |
0.03572 |
149 |
129 |
16 |
4 |
2341 |
Is it just me, or is the whole world spinning? |
1.1611 |
0.03934 |
149 |
132 |
10 |
7 |
2342 |
I tell ya buddy, it sure is a small world after-all. |
1.1611 |
0.03572 |
149 |
129 |
16 |
4 |
2343 |
I’ve got the weight of my shoulders on my shoulders. |
1.1611 |
0.03572 |
149 |
129 |
16 |
4 |
2344 |
Hey since it looks like nobody is going to show up and save me could I at least get another vodka tonic on the house? |
1.1611 |
0.03572 |
149 |
129 |
16 |
4 |
2345 |
Is it me, or is it getting hotter in here? |
1.1610 |
0.04164 |
118 |
103 |
11 |
4 |
2346 |
It's not like I want to spew lava and spawn tornadoes, earthquakes, and hurricanes, but you people are killing me |
1.1610 |
0.04335 |
118 |
104 |
9 |
5 |
2347 |
Can you blame me? |
1.1608 |
0.03667 |
143 |
124 |
15 |
4 |
2348 |
It’s no fun being a stage when these are the men and women as players I’m dealing with. |
1.1608 |
0.03530 |
143 |
123 |
17 |
3 |
2349 |
C’mon man! This glass of water won’t fix it! Al tried to warn you 17 years ago….it’s not the heat, it’s the blanket of gases you have thrown on me and I’m HOT! |
1.1608 |
0.03667 |
143 |
124 |
15 |
4 |
2350 |
I may be 71 percent water, but tonight I'm shooting for 10 percent tequila. |
1.1608 |
0.03799 |
143 |
125 |
13 |
5 |
2351 |
OMG,the whole World has gone crazy |
1.1608 |
0.03387 |
143 |
122 |
19 |
2 |
2352 |
Oh sure, now it's all the rage to protect the planet. |
1.1608 |
0.03667 |
143 |
124 |
15 |
4 |
2353 |
You think old age has been cruel to you? |
1.1608 |
0.03799 |
143 |
125 |
13 |
5 |
2354 |
Water, water everywhere but not a drop to drink |
1.1607 |
0.03306 |
168 |
145 |
19 |
4 |
2355 |
I'm running a little temperature, but mostly I worry about becoming incontinent. |
1.1607 |
0.03920 |
112 |
96 |
14 |
2 |
2356 |
I could really use some more ice. |
1.1606 |
0.03624 |
137 |
118 |
16 |
3 |
2357 |
Is it getting hotter in here? |
1.1606 |
0.03473 |
137 |
117 |
18 |
2 |
2358 |
I’ve never felt so down to earth |
1.1606 |
0.03769 |
137 |
119 |
14 |
4 |
2359 |
No more ice, ever?! |
1.1606 |
0.03624 |
137 |
118 |
16 |
3 |
2360 |
give me something to forget about my pain |
1.1605 |
0.03382 |
162 |
140 |
18 |
4 |
2361 |
Get off me! No means no! |
1.1605 |
0.03022 |
162 |
137 |
24 |
1 |
2362 |
Fired for harassment, after calling me flat for years! |
1.1605 |
0.03493 |
162 |
141 |
16 |
5 |
2363 |
The Climate Committee says I've changed. |
1.1603 |
0.03725 |
131 |
113 |
15 |
3 |
2364 |
Another glass of seawater, please. With extra ice cubes! |
1.1603 |
0.04028 |
131 |
115 |
11 |
5 |
2365 |
Humans are not what the earth needs right now. |
1.1603 |
0.04171 |
131 |
116 |
9 |
6 |
2366 |
Would you mind pouring this in a glass? I've had enough plastic to last me a millennium. |
1.1603 |
0.03725 |
131 |
113 |
15 |
3 |
2367 |
You don't have any hand baskets back there, do you? |
1.1603 |
0.03725 |
131 |
113 |
15 |
3 |
2368 |
I'm starting to think it's more serious than just a fever. |
1.1603 |
0.03725 |
131 |
113 |
15 |
3 |
2369 |
My life doesn't love me. |
1.1603 |
0.03694 |
156 |
137 |
13 |
6 |
2370 |
I’ve got the spins. |
1.1603 |
0.03341 |
156 |
134 |
19 |
3 |
2371 |
I've been aching for over a year in my Russian area. |
1.1600 |
0.03550 |
150 |
130 |
16 |
4 |
2372 |
You think you have problems? I got a world of problems! |
1.1600 |
0.03421 |
150 |
129 |
18 |
3 |
2373 |
Yeah, I remember Atlas.
The bastard shrugged! |
1.1600 |
0.04000 |
125 |
109 |
12 |
4 |
2374 |
My twin--oh, Venus! We're on the same orbit but how come we're not able to hang out? |
1.1600 |
0.03835 |
125 |
108 |
14 |
3 |
2375 |
Could you spare some more ice? |
1.1600 |
0.04000 |
125 |
109 |
12 |
4 |
2376 |
And then he said I “wasn’t” at the center of the galaxy, the nerve! |
1.1600 |
0.03835 |
125 |
108 |
14 |
3 |
2377 |
Is this purified water? |
1.1600 |
0.03835 |
125 |
108 |
14 |
3 |
2378 |
People are leaving me to live on Mars. What a bummer. |
1.1600 |
0.03003 |
150 |
126 |
24 |
0 |
2379 |
One minute it's chills, then shakes, then fever. And boy have I been windy lately. |
1.1597 |
0.03643 |
144 |
125 |
15 |
4 |
2380 |
If you were warming as fast as I am, you’d be thirsty too |
1.1597 |
0.03366 |
144 |
123 |
19 |
2 |
2381 |
It all started in the Mesozoic era... |
1.1597 |
0.03366 |
144 |
123 |
19 |
2 |
2382 |
Do you have anything without CO2, please? I’m getting a bit warm. |
1.1597 |
0.03218 |
144 |
122 |
21 |
1 |
2383 |
Because my mother told me I was the center of the universe! |
1.1597 |
0.03507 |
144 |
124 |
17 |
3 |
2384 |
I’m a mess …! |
1.1597 |
0.03774 |
144 |
126 |
13 |
5 |
2385 |
This weather, huh? |
1.1597 |
0.03771 |
119 |
102 |
15 |
2 |
2386 |
Make it a double. I' ve got a splitting continent. |
1.1597 |
0.04300 |
119 |
105 |
9 |
5 |
2387 |
I mean . . . what would YOU do? |
1.1594 |
0.03599 |
138 |
119 |
16 |
3 |
2388 |
I'm telling you Joe, I get no RESPECT! |
1.1594 |
0.03882 |
138 |
121 |
12 |
5 |
2389 |
New World Order ing |
1.1594 |
0.03599 |
138 |
119 |
16 |
3 |
2390 |
So I said to me ex, you try living with the weight of the world on your shoulders! |
1.1594 |
0.03882 |
138 |
121 |
12 |
5 |
2391 |
The worst thing is they itch like crazy |
1.1592 |
0.03321 |
157 |
135 |
19 |
3 |
2392 |
Could I get an extra ice cube? |
1.1592 |
0.03321 |
157 |
135 |
19 |
3 |
2393 |
Give me a double. I got a global species of hairless apes causing an entirely avoidable mass extinction and I need to take the edge off. |
1.1591 |
0.03852 |
132 |
115 |
13 |
4 |
2394 |
One more ‘continental drift ‘ please. |
1.1591 |
0.03372 |
132 |
112 |
19 |
1 |
2395 |
No more for me, my head is already spinning. |
1.1591 |
0.03539 |
132 |
113 |
17 |
2 |
2396 |
Hey. Can a fella get something to help him cool off around here? |
1.1591 |
0.03852 |
132 |
115 |
13 |
4 |
2397 |
I’m gonna need more water in a few decades. |
1.1591 |
0.03539 |
132 |
113 |
17 |
2 |
2398 |
Please don't say, "Hot enough for ya?" |
1.1591 |
0.03699 |
132 |
114 |
15 |
3 |
2399 |
The hair? Yeah. Nothing you can do. I got ice like that. |
1.1591 |
0.03852 |
132 |
115 |
13 |
4 |
2400 |
Did you hear the one about the iceburg? |
1.1591 |
0.02991 |
176 |
150 |
24 |
2 |
2401 |
Say,you wouldn |
1.1591 |
0.03852 |
132 |
115 |
13 |
4 |
2402 |
I swear, I don't feel overheated. |
1.1589 |
0.03268 |
151 |
129 |
20 |
2 |
2403 |
The doctor said I need to get rid of the paracites. |
1.1589 |
0.04017 |
107 |
92 |
13 |
2 |
2404 |
Problems? I have the weight of everyone’s troubles on me. |
1.1588 |
0.03049 |
170 |
145 |
23 |
2 |
2405 |
Temperatures are rising, and yet all the profiteers insist on looking the other way based on a slough of false narratives! |
1.1588 |
0.03374 |
170 |
148 |
17 |
5 |
2406 |
Do you have something that will let me forget populists? |
1.1587 |
0.03807 |
126 |
109 |
14 |
3 |
2407 |
Something mild; my stomach's really churning. |
1.1587 |
0.04127 |
126 |
111 |
10 |
5 |
2408 |
Why would He put me here and then cover me with this fungus that I call humanity? |
1.1587 |
0.04278 |
126 |
112 |
8 |
6 |
2409 |
And then, after making all that junk, what do they do with with it? Sweep it into my oceans where they don't have to look at it. |
1.1587 |
0.04127 |
126 |
111 |
10 |
5 |
2410 |
Wait, that's not the end of the story. It's just a period of transition. |
1.1587 |
0.03970 |
126 |
110 |
12 |
4 |
2411 |
Got any bread? |
1.1587 |
0.03807 |
126 |
109 |
14 |
3 |
2412 |
Give me one good reason why I shouldn't have another. |
1.1587 |
0.03807 |
126 |
109 |
14 |
3 |
2413 |
Everybody has problems, but I'm always in a world of trouble. |
1.1587 |
0.04278 |
126 |
112 |
8 |
6 |
2414 |
Its hot, and I am feeling bloated. What is going on around here? |
1.1587 |
0.03970 |
126 |
110 |
12 |
4 |
2415 |
I want to stop the world and get off, but I am the world. |
1.1586 |
0.03875 |
145 |
128 |
11 |
6 |
2416 |
Could you turn up the A/C? |
1.1586 |
0.03619 |
145 |
126 |
15 |
4 |
2417 |
Hey barkeep, if I drift off, just give me a swift slap on my Canada. |
1.1586 |
0.03484 |
145 |
125 |
17 |
3 |
2418 |
The Koch brothers just walked in! Where do I hide? |
1.1586 |
0.03619 |
145 |
126 |
15 |
4 |
2419 |
I feel like I'm coming apart at the seams. Do you get my drift?" |
1.1586 |
0.03619 |
145 |
126 |
15 |
4 |
2420 |
Don’t ask me |
1.1586 |
0.03749 |
145 |
127 |
13 |
5 |
2421 |
What do you mean, "Last call." I've got oil left. |
1.1585 |
0.03343 |
164 |
142 |
18 |
4 |
2422 |
Make mine dirty, like Uranus. |
1.1585 |
0.03664 |
164 |
145 |
12 |
7 |
2423 |
More ice, please. I'm roasting! |
1.1585 |
0.02816 |
183 |
155 |
27 |
1 |
2424 |
Make it a double with ice cubes. |
1.1583 |
0.03924 |
120 |
104 |
13 |
3 |
2425 |
Could I get my water without fizz? I'm trying to cut back on gas" |
1.1583 |
0.04266 |
120 |
106 |
9 |
5 |
2426 |
WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO? |
1.1583 |
0.03718 |
139 |
121 |
14 |
4 |
2427 |
Check please. Time to go home, loosen up my equator and watch some Dancing with the Stars. |
1.1583 |
0.03575 |
139 |
120 |
16 |
3 |
2428 |
If it’s not too much trouble, can you spare more ice? |
1.1583 |
0.03718 |
139 |
121 |
14 |
4 |
2429 |
Hurricane happy hour? |
1.1583 |
0.03271 |
139 |
118 |
20 |
1 |
2430 |
You know what gets me hot?
People that don't think I'm hot. |
1.1583 |
0.03426 |
139 |
119 |
18 |
2 |
2431 |
I’m warming! Get me renewable energy! |
1.1583 |
0.03856 |
139 |
122 |
12 |
5 |
2432 |
Ah, we are way past the glass half full or empty with this one. There will be no glass. |
1.1583 |
0.03575 |
139 |
120 |
16 |
3 |
2433 |
I used to be a globe trotter. Now I'm just a homebody. |
1.1583 |
0.03718 |
139 |
121 |
14 |
4 |
2434 |
It’s just nice to have someone that listens to you. |
1.1582 |
0.03177 |
158 |
135 |
21 |
2 |
2435 |
Top me off with some ice? I'm getting low over here. |
1.1582 |
0.03048 |
158 |
134 |
23 |
1 |
2436 |
Yesterday I accidentally stepped into a Mars bar. |
1.1579 |
0.04240 |
114 |
100 |
10 |
4 |
2437 |
I'm telling you, I've had enough. |
1.1579 |
0.03144 |
171 |
147 |
21 |
3 |
2438 |
I get a dry throat and itchy feet when my southern hemisphere is deciding where to vacation. |
1.1579 |
0.03971 |
133 |
117 |
11 |
5 |
2439 |
It's feels like I'm the weight on someone's shoulders |
1.1579 |
0.03628 |
152 |
133 |
14 |
5 |
2440 |
And then a guy walks up to me and asks " have you seen Oppenheimer yet?" |
1.1579 |
0.03111 |
152 |
129 |
22 |
1 |
2441 |
I’m sick and tired of hearing that damn song about how wonderful I am. |
1.1579 |
0.03971 |
133 |
117 |
11 |
5 |
2442 |
Hey Mac, Do you have anything stronger? |
1.1579 |
0.04080 |
152 |
137 |
6 |
9 |
2443 |
And don’t even ask me about my polar caps… |
1.1579 |
0.03506 |
152 |
132 |
16 |
4 |
2444 |
so she says to me, I prefer Uranus |
1.1579 |
0.03514 |
133 |
114 |
17 |
2 |
2445 |
She’s about yay high, little wide at the equator, two nice moons that would make your head spin… |
1.1579 |
0.03971 |
133 |
117 |
11 |
5 |
2446 |
I’m telling you Joe, the whole solar system is rigged! |
1.1579 |
0.03514 |
133 |
114 |
17 |
2 |
2447 |
I'm under unimaginable stress. |
1.1579 |
0.03673 |
133 |
115 |
15 |
3 |
2448 |
Aren’t you supposed to cut me off when I’ve had too many greenhouse gases?! |
1.1579 |
0.04053 |
114 |
99 |
12 |
3 |
2449 |
I got a world of troubles, my friend. |
1.1579 |
0.03514 |
133 |
114 |
17 |
2 |
2450 |
It's *constantly* five o'clock somewhere! |
1.1576 |
0.03198 |
184 |
160 |
19 |
5 |
2451 |
My ice is melting. |
1.1576 |
0.03211 |
165 |
142 |
20 |
3 |
2452 |
It's just way too much responsibility. |
1.1576 |
0.03094 |
165 |
141 |
22 |
2 |
2453 |
[No caption needed. This is perfect as is.] |
1.1575 |
0.03323 |
146 |
125 |
19 |
2 |
2454 |
I’ll have a double ice cap. |
1.1575 |
0.03596 |
146 |
127 |
15 |
4 |
2455 |
So I sez, Can I buy you a drink? And she sez, Duh, Earth to Earth. |
1.1575 |
0.03178 |
146 |
124 |
21 |
1 |
2456 |
It's time — goodbye cruel world. |
1.1575 |
0.03596 |
146 |
127 |
15 |
4 |
2457 |
You look dizzy |
1.1575 |
0.03462 |
146 |
126 |
17 |
3 |
2458 |
I tell ya, this world is not what it’s cracked up to be |
1.1575 |
0.03596 |
146 |
127 |
15 |
4 |
2459 |
The moon and me, we've been together a long time. It's good. But predictable. And lately we've been drifting apart. |
1.1575 |
0.03596 |
146 |
127 |
15 |
4 |
2460 |
Man, if you were me you’d see this cup as half empty too! |
1.1575 |
0.03462 |
146 |
126 |
17 |
3 |
2461 |
I'm in a world of trouble. |
1.1575 |
0.03941 |
127 |
111 |
12 |
4 |
2462 |
No chaser necessary. I brought my own. |
1.1575 |
0.03941 |
127 |
111 |
12 |
4 |
2463 |
I'll take another scotch and the total annihilation of the human race. |
1.1575 |
0.03779 |
127 |
110 |
14 |
3 |
2464 |
What harm is one drink going to do. I've already been polluted with toxic waste!! |
1.1575 |
0.04246 |
127 |
113 |
8 |
6 |
2465 |
On top of everything else, I have to start planning my five-billionth birthday. |
1.1574 |
0.04588 |
108 |
96 |
7 |
5 |
2466 |
What in the world! |
1.1572 |
0.03159 |
159 |
136 |
21 |
2 |
2467 |
You too will be burning the ice tonight? |
1.1572 |
0.03402 |
159 |
138 |
17 |
4 |
2468 |
Do you have something that will stop my head from spinning? |
1.1571 |
0.03693 |
140 |
122 |
14 |
4 |
2469 |
Easy on the ice. I'm 70% water as it is. |
1.1571 |
0.03404 |
140 |
120 |
18 |
2 |
2470 |
She just spun me around! |
1.1571 |
0.03830 |
140 |
123 |
12 |
5 |
2471 |
Seriously, I'm leaning toward bringing back the Jurrasic |
1.1571 |
0.03962 |
140 |
124 |
10 |
6 |
2472 |
They make me feel so flat! |
1.1571 |
0.03693 |
140 |
122 |
14 |
4 |
2473 |
So then I met this guy Atlas.... |
1.1571 |
0.03551 |
140 |
121 |
16 |
3 |
2474 |
I'll take one more for the skillet. |
1.1571 |
0.04089 |
140 |
125 |
8 |
7 |
2475 |
Alcohol is not going to kill me. Humans are going to frickin kill me. |
1.1571 |
0.04089 |
140 |
125 |
8 |
7 |
2476 |
Could I have some more ice? I really need to cool down. |
1.1570 |
0.03894 |
121 |
105 |
13 |
3 |
2477 |
And then he asked if I could get a world in edgeways. |
1.1570 |
0.03713 |
121 |
104 |
15 |
2 |
2478 |
Yo barkeep, can you save my spot? Niagara Falls is callin'. |
1.1570 |
0.04067 |
121 |
106 |
11 |
4 |
2479 |
Please Pray for Global Cooling. |
1.1567 |
0.03647 |
134 |
116 |
15 |
3 |
2480 |
I revolve around so many people, yet all I have is the moon. |
1.1567 |
0.03798 |
134 |
117 |
13 |
4 |
2481 |
Sure,you think you have the weight of the world on your shoulders, but let me tell you, bub, I live it 24/7/365/4,000,000,000. |
1.1567 |
0.04083 |
134 |
119 |
9 |
6 |
2482 |
Everyone keeps telling me that I'm the only one in the entire universe who gets hotter with age! |
1.1567 |
0.03798 |
134 |
117 |
13 |
4 |
2483 |
I stopped the world to let people off! |
1.1567 |
0.03647 |
134 |
116 |
15 |
3 |
2484 |
It's like a merry-go-round.
When will it stop? |
1.1567 |
0.03798 |
134 |
117 |
13 |
4 |
2485 |
I wish He'd come down here. |
1.1567 |
0.03798 |
134 |
117 |
13 |
4 |
2486 |
I've had a day. |
1.1567 |
0.03325 |
134 |
114 |
19 |
1 |
2487 |
I need another. Got the world on my shoulders! |
1.1566 |
0.03077 |
166 |
142 |
22 |
2 |
2488 |
I ordered it "on-the-rocks", I'm having hot flashes! |
1.1565 |
0.04205 |
115 |
101 |
10 |
4 |
2489 |
You wouldn't believe the day I'm having |
1.1565 |
0.03440 |
147 |
127 |
17 |
3 |
2490 |
Just water; I'm overheated and dehydrated. |
1.1565 |
0.03701 |
147 |
129 |
13 |
5 |
2491 |
...and don't even get me started on that Middle East.... |
1.1565 |
0.03158 |
147 |
125 |
21 |
1 |
2492 |
Do you have aanything colder? |
1.1565 |
0.03440 |
147 |
127 |
17 |
3 |
2493 |
Some of my best friends are "Flat Earthers"... |
1.1565 |
0.03573 |
147 |
128 |
15 |
4 |
2494 |
Climate change; you can’t live with it and and can’t foresee a century without it. |
1.1562 |
0.03382 |
160 |
139 |
17 |
4 |
2495 |
Has Planet Pluto been around lately ? |
1.1562 |
0.04215 |
128 |
114 |
8 |
6 |
2496 |
I'm telling you, I've never seen anything land the moon. |
1.1562 |
0.03141 |
160 |
137 |
21 |
2 |
2497 |
..."and they promised before they got off the arc!" |
1.1562 |
0.03912 |
128 |
112 |
12 |
4 |
2498 |
Keep my tab open! |
1.1562 |
0.03912 |
128 |
112 |
12 |
4 |
2499 |
Quick! Ice! |
1.1561 |
0.03217 |
173 |
150 |
19 |
4 |
2500 |
I don’t know why I keep making the same mistake with that wall. |
1.1560 |
0.03669 |
141 |
123 |
14 |
4 |
2501 |
Could I have more ice please? Mine has melted. |
1.1560 |
0.03381 |
141 |
121 |
18 |
2 |
2502 |
You know those wildfires?
You aint seen nothin yet. |
1.1560 |
0.03669 |
141 |
123 |
14 |
4 |
2503 |
I was just twirling around the sun, minding my own business when I came upon a bottle that said, "Drink me..." |
1.1560 |
0.04158 |
109 |
95 |
11 |
3 |
2504 |
What do you mean I can't put it on my tab? |
1.1558 |
0.03584 |
154 |
135 |
14 |
5 |
2505 |
You ran out of ice? |
1.1557 |
0.03496 |
122 |
104 |
17 |
1 |
2506 |
Set me up again Joe. I tells ya, it never ends with these people. The next meteor can't come quickly enough. |
1.1557 |
0.04036 |
122 |
107 |
11 |
4 |
2507 |
No discounts on “Earth Day?!” I can’t catch a break anywhere! |
1.1557 |
0.03864 |
122 |
106 |
13 |
3 |
2508 |
Then she accused me of being overheated. |
1.1557 |
0.04036 |
122 |
107 |
11 |
4 |
2509 |
So Jupiter and Venus orbit into a bar… |
1.1557 |
0.04200 |
122 |
108 |
9 |
5 |
2510 |
With ice! No matter how much I blow off steam, I can’t seem to cool off. |
1.1556 |
0.03622 |
135 |
117 |
15 |
3 |
2511 |
Could you wack on the air conditioning? |
1.1556 |
0.03915 |
135 |
119 |
11 |
5 |
2512 |
It's like they want me to die, but without me, WHERE WOULD THEY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I just asked if you wanted a refill............ |
1.1556 |
0.03915 |
135 |
119 |
11 |
5 |
2513 |
My brother, Earth, just passed away. |
1.1556 |
0.03772 |
135 |
118 |
13 |
4 |
2514 |
Sometimes the itch is so bad, I just want to spin out of control! |
1.1556 |
0.03622 |
135 |
117 |
15 |
3 |
2515 |
...and then the doctor tells me I'm just going through menopause! I don't think so! There's got to be something else causing these hot flashes! |
1.1556 |
0.03772 |
135 |
118 |
13 |
4 |
2516 |
I swear, Herb, these people are going to be the death of me. |
1.1556 |
0.03915 |
135 |
119 |
11 |
5 |
2517 |
I’ve a crisis of confidence ever since Atlas shrugged. |
1.1556 |
0.03772 |
135 |
118 |
13 |
4 |
2518 |
Don't you get tired of people thinking they can walk all over you? |
1.1556 |
0.03772 |
135 |
118 |
13 |
4 |
2519 |
One minute I was diagnosed with climate change and the next thing I knew they were telling me that I was suffering from climate catastrophe! |
1.1556 |
0.04054 |
135 |
120 |
9 |
6 |
2520 |
Straight up please, I've got plenty of rocks. |
1.1556 |
0.03915 |
135 |
119 |
11 |
5 |
2521 |
She left me because she said my head was too round, and she wanted a guy with a flattop. |
1.1556 |
0.03303 |
135 |
115 |
19 |
1 |
2522 |
I’m telling you everyone here is crazy and I can’t do a thing to humble them |
1.1554 |
0.03138 |
148 |
126 |
21 |
1 |
2523 |
I could use a few more ice cubes. |
1.1553 |
0.03245 |
161 |
139 |
19 |
3 |
2524 |
A couple of drinks, and I'm fine. But you guys are screwed. |
1.1553 |
0.03245 |
161 |
139 |
19 |
3 |
2525 |
Same again, but with more ice. |
1.1552 |
0.03987 |
116 |
101 |
12 |
3 |
2526 |
Could I get a lot more ice? |
1.1552 |
0.03794 |
116 |
100 |
14 |
2 |
2527 |
Bartender. May I have this on the rocks, please? |
1.1552 |
0.03987 |
116 |
101 |
12 |
3 |
2528 |
Last Call? |
1.1550 |
0.04036 |
129 |
114 |
10 |
5 |
2529 |
She said I was too gassy. |
1.1550 |
0.03558 |
129 |
111 |
16 |
2 |
2530 |
Man, is it hot enough for ya? |
1.1550 |
0.03883 |
129 |
113 |
12 |
4 |
2531 |
And then Atlas said I was getting too hot to handle. |
1.1550 |
0.03558 |
129 |
111 |
16 |
2 |
2532 |
It was bad enough when I was just bipolar. |
1.1550 |
0.03883 |
129 |
113 |
12 |
4 |
2533 |
My Manhattan smells funny. |
1.1550 |
0.03558 |
129 |
111 |
16 |
2 |
2534 |
From now on it's going to be the priest, the rabbi and the planet |
1.1550 |
0.03558 |
129 |
111 |
16 |
2 |
2535 |
Whiskey on the rocks... hold the whiskey |
1.1550 |
0.03883 |
129 |
113 |
12 |
4 |
2536 |
Did you hear the one about the three aliens...? |
1.1550 |
0.03558 |
129 |
111 |
16 |
2 |
2537 |
I'm going to need alot of ice! |
1.1550 |
0.03883 |
129 |
113 |
12 |
4 |
2538 |
So should I have lied when she asked, “Do you think my life revolves around you?” |
1.1550 |
0.04036 |
129 |
114 |
10 |
5 |
2539 |
...but my therapist says I'm just spinning |
1.1550 |
0.03883 |
129 |
113 |
12 |
4 |
2540 |
Pangaea, man! Pangaea! I drink to forget my big split-up! |
1.1549 |
0.03207 |
142 |
121 |
20 |
1 |
2541 |
It can't be last call. |
1.1549 |
0.03644 |
142 |
124 |
14 |
4 |
2542 |
The humans are at it again... |
1.1549 |
0.03779 |
142 |
125 |
12 |
5 |
2543 |
I said, "keep it neat please." |
1.1549 |
0.03359 |
142 |
122 |
18 |
2 |
2544 |
A guy walked into a bar and said to the guy behind the bar as he pushed his glass forward" beam me up scotty" |
1.1549 |
0.03779 |
142 |
125 |
12 |
5 |
2545 |
I feel like the room is revolving. |
1.1549 |
0.03359 |
142 |
122 |
18 |
2 |
2546 |
I have one more, pls; on the Rockies. |
1.1549 |
0.03909 |
142 |
126 |
10 |
6 |
2547 |
Could I have this on the rocks? I need to cool off! |
1.1549 |
0.03644 |
142 |
124 |
14 |
4 |
2548 |
Could I have some ice in the drink? I feel very warm and dizzy; maybe I am having a heat stroke.. |
1.1549 |
0.03359 |
142 |
122 |
18 |
2 |
2549 |
Help me. I'm parched |
1.1548 |
0.03562 |
155 |
136 |
14 |
5 |
2550 |
A bucket of ice. I need it for a toupee over my poles. |
1.1548 |
0.02915 |
155 |
131 |
24 |
0 |
2551 |
She said I was the world to her! |
1.1548 |
0.03442 |
155 |
135 |
16 |
4 |
2552 |
I’d give the world for a good set of teeth. |
1.1548 |
0.03190 |
155 |
133 |
20 |
2 |
2553 |
This world’s ‘Best Friend’? Al Gore every time!
But poor Al’s ‘Inconvenient Truth’ is like two teenagers with raging hormones trying to get it on; as long as ‘the old man’ rides shotgun on dates, they might just as well watch a movie! |
1.1548 |
0.03679 |
168 |
150 |
10 |
8 |
2554 |
Pluto? Oh, he's no longer in my circle. You know, I didn't completely disagree when he chastised me for getting around. But I knew our relationship was over when he said I was spinning out of control. |
1.1545 |
0.04122 |
110 |
96 |
11 |
3 |
2555 |
Can you turn on the air conditioner? |
1.1545 |
0.04320 |
110 |
97 |
9 |
4 |
2556 |
How much does a planet have to suffer to get a drink around here? |
1.1545 |
0.03695 |
110 |
94 |
15 |
1 |
2557 |
Yes, with a twist. But not straight up. With a slight tilt to the axis. |
1.1545 |
0.04005 |
123 |
108 |
11 |
4 |
2558 |
First world problems |
1.1545 |
0.03657 |
123 |
106 |
15 |
2 |
2559 |
I reallly need to rehydrate these days! |
1.1545 |
0.03657 |
123 |
106 |
15 |
2 |
2560 |
D’ya have any idea what it’s like to be me? |
1.1545 |
0.04325 |
123 |
110 |
7 |
6 |
2561 |
What's to say? It's been another helluva week here! |
1.1545 |
0.03657 |
123 |
106 |
15 |
2 |
2562 |
Could I get another water, I'm really over heating. |
1.1545 |
0.03657 |
123 |
106 |
15 |
2 |
2563 |
How about one more for the road. |
1.1545 |
0.04168 |
123 |
109 |
9 |
5 |
2564 |
Bitters…just bitters. |
1.1545 |
0.04168 |
123 |
109 |
9 |
5 |
2565 |
Sorry, I have to go. I can't work remotely anymore." |
1.1545 |
0.04168 |
123 |
109 |
9 |
5 |
2566 |
Can I get a drink the Milky Way. |
1.1545 |
0.04325 |
123 |
110 |
7 |
6 |
2567 |
Why is it every time I come in and tell you what a crappy day I've had, you just shrug. |
1.1545 |
0.03835 |
123 |
107 |
13 |
3 |
2568 |
...and then she left me! Went to 'colonize' my neighbor. What's he got that I don't, anyway? |
1.1545 |
0.04005 |
123 |
108 |
11 |
4 |
2569 |
Why should I care? I was here when your crowd came in the front door and I'll be here long after you go. |
1.1544 |
0.03746 |
136 |
119 |
13 |
4 |
2570 |
You think you've got problems? I'm running a fever in places I didn't know were even places. |
1.1544 |
0.03746 |
136 |
119 |
13 |
4 |
2571 |
Do you have anything cleaner? |
1.1544 |
0.03597 |
136 |
118 |
15 |
3 |
2572 |
Barkeep, I'm telling ya, I'm too young to die. |
1.1544 |
0.03442 |
136 |
117 |
17 |
2 |
2573 |
Excuse me, could I please get some ice? |
1.1544 |
0.03746 |
136 |
119 |
13 |
4 |
2574 |
Yeah, my Weltschmerz is driving me to drink. So what of it? |
1.1544 |
0.03888 |
136 |
120 |
11 |
5 |
2575 |
Do you ever feel like no one is listening? |
1.1544 |
0.04026 |
136 |
121 |
9 |
6 |
2576 |
Everybody seems to think they know how to “solve the world’s problems.” |
1.1544 |
0.03597 |
136 |
118 |
15 |
3 |
2577 |
What do you mean, you’re also running out of ice? |
1.1544 |
0.03597 |
136 |
118 |
15 |
3 |
2578 |
I thought I meant the world to her. |
1.1544 |
0.03746 |
136 |
119 |
13 |
4 |
2579 |
Oh, God -- now I have the spins. |
1.1544 |
0.03442 |
136 |
117 |
17 |
2 |
2580 |
Got anything with ice in it? |
1.1544 |
0.03261 |
149 |
128 |
19 |
2 |
2581 |
Another moonshine |
1.1544 |
0.03397 |
149 |
129 |
17 |
3 |
2582 |
Glow-ball is coming around to fine spirits. |
1.1544 |
0.03654 |
149 |
131 |
13 |
5 |
2583 |
When I said I wanted a drink I didn’t mean water! |
1.1544 |
0.03397 |
149 |
129 |
17 |
3 |
2584 |
What do you mean you’re out of water? |
1.1544 |
0.03528 |
149 |
130 |
15 |
4 |
2585 |
How does a Young Earth Creationist end up bartending? |
1.1544 |
0.03119 |
149 |
127 |
21 |
1 |
2586 |
I’m running dry, can you get me a refill? |
1.1543 |
0.03455 |
162 |
142 |
15 |
5 |
2587 |
Excuse me, I’m in desperate need of a water refill over here! |
1.1538 |
0.03186 |
143 |
122 |
20 |
1 |
2588 |
My ice is melting, can you turn it down a bit. |
1.1538 |
0.03764 |
117 |
101 |
14 |
2 |
2589 |
You know I am not entirely against global warming. It is a chance do get almost eight billion things off my back. |
1.1538 |
0.03337 |
143 |
123 |
18 |
2 |
2590 |
Can you turn down the heat? My ice keeps melting away. |
1.1538 |
0.03337 |
143 |
123 |
18 |
2 |
2591 |
I’m so tired of carrying everyone else! |
1.1538 |
0.03754 |
143 |
126 |
12 |
5 |
2592 |
Problems? Problems? Where do you want me to start? |
1.1538 |
0.03532 |
130 |
112 |
16 |
2 |
2593 |
Don't ask me where these arms came from, I'm just a cartoon. |
1.1538 |
0.03561 |
169 |
150 |
12 |
7 |
2594 |
I'm tired of drinking all this oil. do any bars around here have good drinks |
1.1538 |
0.03697 |
130 |
113 |
14 |
3 |
2595 |
Have I got a world of problems! |
1.1538 |
0.03482 |
143 |
124 |
16 |
3 |
2596 |
I just don't know why I keep getting friendzoned! |
1.1538 |
0.03620 |
143 |
125 |
14 |
4 |
2597 |
Mars?! I'm telling you, what's a planet got to do to get some respect? |
1.1538 |
0.03186 |
143 |
122 |
20 |
1 |
2598 |
Woe is me, I bet on the Yankees and Mets this year. |
1.1538 |
0.03655 |
156 |
138 |
12 |
6 |
2599 |
Would you know how it is to always be tilted? |
1.1538 |
0.03186 |
143 |
122 |
20 |
1 |
2600 |
Atlas shrugged. What do I do now? |
1.1538 |
0.03855 |
130 |
114 |
12 |
4 |
2601 |
How 'bout a round of eight billion. |
1.1538 |
0.03186 |
143 |
122 |
20 |
1 |
2602 |
Oh, don't start about Mercury. I'm heating up just as fast, and he's right next to the sun. Please! |
1.1538 |
0.04007 |
130 |
115 |
10 |
5 |
2603 |
No more hurricanes, please. |
1.1538 |
0.03620 |
143 |
125 |
14 |
4 |
2604 |
I just don't feel like he's got the "whole me" in his hands! |
1.1538 |
0.03697 |
130 |
113 |
14 |
3 |
2605 |
Political Climate Change |
1.1538 |
0.03855 |
130 |
114 |
12 |
4 |
2606 |
so, I said to this guy Mars, I'm coming for you. |
1.1538 |
0.03855 |
130 |
114 |
12 |
4 |
2607 |
You don’t know what it’s like to live every day with a nasty case of the spins” |
1.1538 |
0.03955 |
117 |
102 |
12 |
3 |
2608 |
And then , that guy, the moon, hit me! |
1.1538 |
0.04007 |
130 |
115 |
10 |
5 |
2609 |
Look mack, I've been around the block and I can tell you this global warming shit is for real. |
1.1538 |
0.03337 |
143 |
123 |
18 |
2 |
2610 |
It all started when I was born. |
1.1538 |
0.03855 |
130 |
114 |
12 |
4 |
2611 |
...And then, I top of all that, I feel like my life is spinning out of control !!! |
1.1538 |
0.03482 |
143 |
124 |
16 |
3 |
2612 |
I know I’m mostly water, but why the little glass? |
1.1538 |
0.03855 |
130 |
114 |
12 |
4 |
2613 |
I know what I am talking about, it’s a global problem! |
1.1538 |
0.03540 |
156 |
137 |
14 |
5 |
2614 |
It’s like I got the weight of the world on my shoulders. |
1.1538 |
0.03186 |
143 |
122 |
20 |
1 |
2615 |
What does Mars have that I don |
1.1538 |
0.03620 |
143 |
125 |
14 |
4 |
2616 |
Am I spinning, or you? |
1.1538 |
0.03697 |
130 |
113 |
14 |
3 |
2617 |
I need something wet, but go light on the water. |
1.1538 |
0.03955 |
117 |
102 |
12 |
3 |
2618 |
My ice is melting faster than expected. |
1.1538 |
0.03855 |
130 |
114 |
12 |
4 |
2619 |
I asked you for the Sunrise Cocktail not the Sunset. |
1.1538 |
0.03855 |
130 |
114 |
12 |
4 |
2620 |
Sorry bud, but I’m gonna need waaay more ice. |
1.1533 |
0.03631 |
150 |
132 |
13 |
5 |
2621 |
Hey buddy, can I get another hurricane over here? |
1.1533 |
0.03241 |
150 |
129 |
19 |
2 |
2622 |
Can we skip 'Last Call' for another time? |
1.1533 |
0.03376 |
150 |
130 |
17 |
3 |
2623 |
Quick, anorher shot, please. I don't have much time left. |
1.1533 |
0.03419 |
137 |
118 |
17 |
2 |
2624 |
They say I’m blue. Why wouldn’t I be? |
1.1533 |
0.03573 |
137 |
119 |
15 |
3 |
2625 |
I'm hoping that the next ice age comes soon because you ain't exactly generous on ice in my drink |
1.1533 |
0.03573 |
137 |
119 |
15 |
3 |
2626 |
She said she couldn't wait thousands of years for me to change |
1.1533 |
0.03861 |
137 |
121 |
11 |
5 |
2627 |
a double big reforestation with a little CO 2 reduction, please! |
1.1533 |
0.03419 |
137 |
118 |
17 |
2 |
2628 |
This global warming is making me thirsty. |
1.1533 |
0.03419 |
137 |
118 |
17 |
2 |
2629 |
Writers, actors, ... What about us studio logos? |
1.1532 |
0.03806 |
124 |
108 |
13 |
3 |
2630 |
Just one more, you know, for world peace? |
1.1532 |
0.03806 |
124 |
108 |
13 |
3 |
2631 |
I'm sad as hell and I just can't take it anymore. |
1.1532 |
0.03806 |
124 |
108 |
13 |
3 |
2632 |
Gimme two Tylenol and a glass of ice water. |
1.1529 |
0.03123 |
170 |
147 |
20 |
3 |
2633 |
No need for plastic cups. |
1.1529 |
0.03279 |
157 |
136 |
18 |
3 |
2634 |
Dammit Frank, how about a little ice for a melting gal! |
1.1529 |
0.03519 |
157 |
138 |
14 |
5 |
2635 |
My wife left me for another planet. |
1.1528 |
0.03729 |
144 |
127 |
12 |
5 |
2636 |
The doctor said the hot flashes were early menopause, but I know it's global warming. |
1.1528 |
0.03597 |
144 |
126 |
14 |
4 |
2637 |
Can I please get a water? That last drink knocked me off my axis! |
1.1528 |
0.03597 |
144 |
126 |
14 |
4 |
2638 |
I don't mean to be rude, but, as species go, yours sucks! |
1.1528 |
0.03597 |
144 |
126 |
14 |
4 |
2639 |
I'm motha ***ing earth damn it! What do I have to do to get their attention? |
1.1528 |
0.03729 |
144 |
127 |
12 |
5 |
2640 |
Thanks. Another sake. But cold this time. |
1.1528 |
0.03597 |
144 |
126 |
14 |
4 |
2641 |
Could you warm me up? |
1.1528 |
0.03597 |
144 |
126 |
14 |
4 |
2642 |
I'm not drunk. There are actually people on me who think I'm flat! |
1.1528 |
0.03316 |
144 |
124 |
18 |
2 |
2643 |
I think I need to slow down until everything stops spinning. |
1.1527 |
0.03671 |
131 |
114 |
14 |
3 |
2644 |
Barkeep, another Thirsty Icecap! |
1.1527 |
0.03827 |
131 |
115 |
12 |
4 |
2645 |
I didn't ask for a shot; I said, "Shoot me!" |
1.1527 |
0.03827 |
131 |
115 |
12 |
4 |
2646 |
It's all my fault! |
1.1527 |
0.04123 |
131 |
117 |
8 |
6 |
2647 |
Give me one for the orbit! |
1.1527 |
0.03978 |
131 |
116 |
10 |
5 |
2648 |
Total eclipse. TOTAL. |
1.1527 |
0.03507 |
131 |
113 |
16 |
2 |
2649 |
I said I was 3/4 water, not that I wanted 3/4 water. |
1.1527 |
0.03978 |
131 |
116 |
10 |
5 |
2650 |
It helps me come out of my shell. |
1.1525 |
0.03734 |
118 |
102 |
14 |
2 |
2651 |
On the rocks please. |
1.1525 |
0.04104 |
118 |
104 |
10 |
4 |
2652 |
I used to be the big shot, the center of everything, but now it's just Sun, Sun, Sun. |
1.1525 |
0.04104 |
118 |
104 |
10 |
4 |
2653 |
Christ, what an asshole! |
1.1524 |
0.03416 |
164 |
144 |
15 |
5 |
2654 |
This glass is half empty. |
1.1523 |
0.03081 |
151 |
129 |
21 |
1 |
2655 |
I am going to miss my human inhabitants. |
1.1523 |
0.03355 |
151 |
131 |
17 |
3 |
2656 |
I've go to say, sometimes all this spinning and orbiting makes me dizzy. |
1.1523 |
0.03221 |
151 |
130 |
19 |
2 |
2657 |
I don't know...sometimes I feel like I'm just spinning around in circles... |
1.1523 |
0.03484 |
151 |
132 |
15 |
4 |
2658 |
Yeah, I suppose I've had enough. How can you tell my head is spinning? |
1.1522 |
0.03970 |
138 |
123 |
9 |
6 |
2659 |
Believe me, I know. It's five clock somewhere. |
1.1522 |
0.03835 |
138 |
122 |
11 |
5 |
2660 |
I think we have a global drink problem! |
1.1522 |
0.03548 |
138 |
120 |
15 |
3 |
2661 |
Enough of "the usual." you're wrecking my life! |
1.1522 |
0.03548 |
138 |
120 |
15 |
3 |
2662 |
Thanks for the water, but I need something stronger. |
1.1522 |
0.03835 |
138 |
122 |
11 |
5 |
2663 |
Man I'm Hot. |
1.1522 |
0.03694 |
138 |
121 |
13 |
4 |
2664 |
And they still say I'm flat. |
1.1520 |
0.03944 |
125 |
110 |
11 |
4 |
2665 |
And then my doctor said, "It's Weltschmerz, and there's no cure!" |
1.1520 |
0.03418 |
125 |
107 |
17 |
1 |
2666 |
...and I think the world of you. |
1.1520 |
0.03602 |
125 |
108 |
15 |
2 |
2667 |
How would you feel, living with such an existential threat? |
1.1519 |
0.03612 |
158 |
140 |
12 |
6 |
2668 |
What have you got that's cold |
1.1519 |
0.03259 |
158 |
137 |
18 |
3 |
2669 |
I don't like what's happening, but they wouldn't listen! Except you, Joe. |
1.1518 |
0.04247 |
112 |
99 |
9 |
4 |
2670 |
Is it me, or is it getting warm in here? |
1.1517 |
0.03437 |
145 |
126 |
16 |
3 |
2671 |
Not only that, but my innards feel like they're going to explode! |
1.1517 |
0.03705 |
145 |
128 |
12 |
5 |
2672 |
Give me double bartender, and plan on me being here for a long, long time. |
1.1517 |
0.03437 |
145 |
126 |
16 |
3 |
2673 |
I hear the rumors around the observatory. The moon is leaving me. |
1.1517 |
0.03437 |
145 |
126 |
16 |
3 |
2674 |
Anyway, that whole ‘birth of the cosmos’ thing just left me feeling flat… |
1.1515 |
0.03800 |
132 |
116 |
12 |
4 |
2675 |
So you say, " Just drink the kool aid and will be cool". |
1.1515 |
0.03800 |
132 |
116 |
12 |
4 |
2676 |
I KNEW SHE HAD A DARK SIDE, BUT I WASN'T READY FOR A COMPLETE ECLIPSE. |
1.1515 |
0.04093 |
132 |
118 |
8 |
6 |
2677 |
It’s always the same thing. “You look thinner in your Tinder Profile.” |
1.1515 |
0.03052 |
165 |
142 |
21 |
2 |
2678 |
I'm going to need more ice -- I'm really warming up. |
1.1515 |
0.03800 |
132 |
116 |
12 |
4 |
2679 |
It was paradise for billions of years then humans arrived. |
1.1515 |
0.03949 |
132 |
117 |
10 |
5 |
2680 |
Is it the alcohol or is it really hot in here? |
1.1515 |
0.03645 |
132 |
115 |
14 |
3 |
2681 |
The song says you got the whole world in your hands, but I haven't had a date in a million years. |
1.1513 |
0.03463 |
152 |
133 |
15 |
4 |
2682 |
On and on she waxes and wanes, I am sooo over the moon. |
1.1513 |
0.03586 |
152 |
134 |
13 |
5 |
2683 |
I'd like to buy the world a drink on me. |
1.1513 |
0.03586 |
152 |
134 |
13 |
5 |
2684 |
CAN'T YOU PUT SOME ICE IN THIS |
1.1513 |
0.03893 |
119 |
104 |
12 |
3 |
2685 |
It seems like I need a drink a lot more often these days. |
1.1513 |
0.04243 |
119 |
106 |
8 |
5 |
2686 |
Sick man of the Universe! |
1.1513 |
0.03893 |
119 |
104 |
12 |
3 |
2687 |
So this guy hops in, lights up. Sorry, no smoking, I sez, I got a condition. Just Drive, he sez, and blows his smoke my way. |
1.1513 |
0.04071 |
119 |
105 |
10 |
4 |
2688 |
Everybody mistakes me for their oyster. |
1.1511 |
0.03524 |
139 |
121 |
15 |
3 |
2689 |
Yeah, I'm almost out of ice, too. |
1.1511 |
0.03373 |
139 |
120 |
17 |
2 |
2690 |
My life doesn't understand me. |
1.1511 |
0.03809 |
139 |
123 |
11 |
5 |
2691 |
They said a case of humans is fatal |
1.1511 |
0.03669 |
139 |
122 |
13 |
4 |
2692 |
I feel like I get stepped on all the time!!! |
1.1511 |
0.03524 |
139 |
121 |
15 |
3 |
2693 |
Don’t cut me off. I am losing my ozone layer and things are getting out of control. |
1.1511 |
0.03524 |
139 |
121 |
15 |
3 |
2694 |
It keeps getting hotter I need water! |
1.1511 |
0.03373 |
139 |
120 |
17 |
2 |
2695 |
I can't remember whose shoulders I'm supposed to be on. |
1.1511 |
0.03524 |
139 |
121 |
15 |
3 |
2696 |
Actually, I prefer the Devonian Era. |
1.1511 |
0.03809 |
139 |
123 |
11 |
5 |
2697 |
So then she says I’m not as flat as I used to be. |
1.1511 |
0.03524 |
139 |
121 |
15 |
3 |
2698 |
What in the world is he going to ask for now?! |
1.1509 |
0.03240 |
159 |
138 |
18 |
3 |
2699 |
Ever feel like you're out of your orbit? |
1.1509 |
0.04195 |
106 |
93 |
10 |
3 |
2700 |
It's getting too hot not to drink heavily. |
1.1508 |
0.03915 |
126 |
111 |
11 |
4 |
2701 |
I didn't start drinking until the Anthropocene. |
1.1508 |
0.03749 |
126 |
110 |
13 |
3 |
2702 |
So... how do you think we can fix climate change? |
1.1508 |
0.04227 |
126 |
113 |
7 |
6 |
2703 |
Just leave the bottle |
1.1508 |
0.03915 |
126 |
111 |
11 |
4 |
2704 |
That's an astronomical service fee! |
1.1508 |
0.04074 |
126 |
112 |
9 |
5 |
2705 |
Do you need some ice in your drink to cool off? |
1.1508 |
0.03749 |
126 |
110 |
13 |
3 |
2706 |
We both spin around poles, yes, but these strippers aren’t getting any hotter in the next decade… |
1.1508 |
0.03915 |
126 |
111 |
11 |
4 |
2707 |
My head just keeps spinning! Got anything for that? |
1.1508 |
0.03749 |
126 |
110 |
13 |
3 |
2708 |
One more before closing? Better make it a strong one - I'm already 70% water. |
1.1508 |
0.03915 |
126 |
111 |
11 |
4 |
2709 |
I'll have another double scotch, hold the glacial ice. |
1.1508 |
0.03749 |
126 |
110 |
13 |
3 |
2710 |
Can I actually have some root beer instead of water? I’m tired of hurricanes. |
1.1508 |
0.04074 |
126 |
112 |
9 |
5 |
2711 |
I know you've heard this before, but I have the weight of the world on my shoulders" |
1.1508 |
0.03749 |
126 |
110 |
13 |
3 |
2712 |
Hey! Really needed that seventh day off, did you? |
1.1508 |
0.03915 |
126 |
111 |
11 |
4 |
2713 |
Yes I have faults. And don’t even get me started on water retention. |
1.1507 |
0.03415 |
146 |
127 |
16 |
3 |
2714 |
I don't know what the big deal is....is it because of my addiction global warming exists and everything is nothing-but a figment of our imagination? |
1.1507 |
0.03681 |
146 |
129 |
12 |
5 |
2715 |
All I want is a little respect! Is that so much to ask? |
1.1507 |
0.03807 |
146 |
130 |
10 |
6 |
2716 |
The Doc just told me I have 20 years to live. |
1.1507 |
0.03273 |
146 |
126 |
18 |
2 |
2717 |
Yeah, they wouldn't let me in the Macy's Parade! |
1.1507 |
0.03681 |
146 |
129 |
12 |
5 |
2718 |
Same old same old with me-global warming, mass extinctions, the next doomsday tech craze, all thanks to, no offense, your kind. But tell me more about how your wife has started to make her shepherd's pie with ground turkey instead of ground beef. |
1.1504 |
0.04211 |
113 |
100 |
9 |
4 |
2719 |
And if that is not enough , I have IBS |
1.1504 |
0.03619 |
133 |
116 |
14 |
3 |
2720 |
But when he started singing "I've got the whole world in my hands" I knew it was time to get out of there. |
1.1504 |
0.03773 |
133 |
117 |
12 |
4 |
2721 |
Make it one for my baby and one more for the world. |
1.1504 |
0.03619 |
133 |
116 |
14 |
3 |
2722 |
Lydia, oh! Lydia, say have you met Lydia. |
1.1504 |
0.03773 |
133 |
117 |
12 |
4 |
2723 |
They did it in a cave, Martin. A CAVE!!! |
1.1504 |
0.03773 |
133 |
117 |
12 |
4 |
2724 |
I’ve got an eye on South America, but I’m also leaning toward Australia. |
1.1504 |
0.03458 |
133 |
115 |
16 |
2 |
2725 |
I think I need my drinks on the rocks. |
1.1504 |
0.03458 |
133 |
115 |
16 |
2 |
2726 |
It’s called weltschmertz. |
1.1504 |
0.03458 |
133 |
115 |
16 |
2 |
2727 |
Sam, it was so much easier just dealing with volcanoes, earthquakes, and dinosaurs. |
1.1504 |
0.03289 |
133 |
114 |
18 |
1 |
2728 |
I can’t tell if this Musk guy is my friend or my enemy. |
1.1504 |
0.03619 |
133 |
116 |
14 |
3 |
2729 |
So two planets came into a bar... |
1.1504 |
0.03619 |
133 |
116 |
14 |
3 |
2730 |
So I said, fine, if you’re going to trash me, I’m just gonna go get wasted. |
1.1504 |
0.03289 |
133 |
114 |
18 |
1 |
2731 |
What’s one more drink gonna do? I’m already dying. |
1.1503 |
0.03314 |
153 |
133 |
17 |
3 |
2732 |
Everybody's yelling at me, 'Stop, I want to get off!' |
1.1500 |
0.03457 |
160 |
141 |
14 |
5 |
2733 |
All I want is one day off per week. |
1.1500 |
0.04039 |
120 |
106 |
10 |
4 |
2734 |
Well, it all started with a small pimple on my forehead…. |
1.1500 |
0.03862 |
120 |
105 |
12 |
3 |
2735 |
It all started with sewage overflows and bilge cleanings and now I can’t stop this binge. |
1.1500 |
0.03862 |
120 |
105 |
12 |
3 |
2736 |
Back then someone would buy me a Coke and keep me company. |
1.1500 |
0.03862 |
120 |
105 |
12 |
3 |
2737 |
And then she said I'm her whole world, but I'm everyone's whole world! |
1.1500 |
0.03645 |
140 |
123 |
13 |
4 |
2738 |
You don't know the half-life of it! |
1.1500 |
0.03457 |
160 |
141 |
14 |
5 |
2739 |
Tommy, I know the Lord won’t give me more than I can handle but sometimes I wish he didn’t have quite so much faith in me. |
1.1500 |
0.03862 |
120 |
105 |
12 |
3 |
2740 |
You’re really cutting me off for spinning!?” |
1.1500 |
0.03501 |
140 |
122 |
15 |
3 |
2741 |
In the real world, sobriety is overrated. |
1.1500 |
0.03351 |
140 |
121 |
17 |
2 |
2742 |
Another ice water. Make it a double. |
1.1500 |
0.03351 |
140 |
121 |
17 |
2 |
2743 |
For the love of God!
Help me father!! |
1.1497 |
0.03657 |
147 |
130 |
12 |
5 |