Contest #845


Cartoon

845


Name Value
Submission deadline -
Voting started -
Voting ended -
Finalists announced -
Magazine(s) announcing finalists issued -
Number of captions 4469
Number of responses 689283
Number of participants -


Dashboard

In this table, the "mean" means the empirically measured average funniness score when the "unfunny", "somewhat funny" and "funny" receive a funniness score of 1, 2, 3 respectively. "Precison" is the standard error of the mean, the standard deviation of the mean estimate. With that, a caption with an empirical mean μ and precision σ has true mean in the range [μ - 2σ, μ + 2σ] with 95% probability by the 68-95-99.7 rule assuming the responses are indepedent and identically distributed.

Rank Caption Mean Precision Total votes "Unfunny" votes "Somewhat funny" votes "Funny" votes
0 A mortgage I’ll approve for thee, if you can solve these riddles three. 1.6844 0.01742 1993 1016 590 387
1 It's not just the name of my business- I am, in fact, the tax wizard. 1.6699 0.02947 615 299 220 96
2 If you take the 8:05 tonight, you can arrive last Thursday, in plenty time for yesterday's Powerball. 1.6608 0.02235 1250 674 326 250
3 And that is how cryptocurrency works. 1.6575 0.01327 3594 1963 899 732
4 ...and that's how bit coin works. 1.6515 0.01454 2973 1632 745 596
5 Where your money went is one of the universe’s unsolved mysteries. 1.6432 0.02744 740 385 234 121
6 I’ll take your case but I must warn you that my fees are astronomical. 1.6426 0.01704 1894 980 611 303
7 It’s actually not that complicated— you are from Mars and your wife is from Venus. 1.6389 0.01731 1875 987 578 310
8 Taylor Swift tickets! Do I look like a magician? 1.6375 0.02247 1142 611 334 197
9 Welcome to Silicon Valley Bank! 1.6359 0.02833 769 428 193 148
10 They say you should dress for the job you want. 1.6327 0.01626 2167 1165 633 369
11 This phase of couples counseling we like to call 'Finding the Magic'. 1.6236 0.02737 712 374 232 106
12 I specialize in the more arcane areas of the tax code. 1.6213 0.01298 3227 1719 1011 497
13 Were you thinking one way or round trip? 1.6157 0.01794 1634 864 534 236
14 Oh that. It’s laundry day. 1.6135 0.03338 489 264 150 75
15 Mrs. Johnson, let me say once again, that although Mr. Johnson said he would give you the moon and the stars…they are not his to give and you are therefore not entitled to half” 1.6097 0.01491 2593 1451 703 439
16 I find it relaxes people being audited. 1.6042 0.02637 768 417 238 113
17 No, no diploma per se. 1.6015 0.01595 2138 1177 636 325
18 The good news is we found your luggage; the bad news is it's gonna take 3.7 light years to get it to you. 1.5993 0.01631 2114 1187 587 340
19 I don’t think you two understand the gravity of the situation. 1.5981 0.02659 744 405 233 106
20 In Florida astrologer is the only medical professional licensed to deal with your problem. 1.5933 0.01649 2075 1179 561 335
21 Well, Joanna, what DID you mean by “needing space”? 1.5874 0.01620 1985 1095 614 276
22 Well, yes, I agree. Wealth management is not an exact science. What makes you ask? 1.5848 0.01769 1669 926 510 233
23 Our fund invests primarily in future futures. 1.5841 0.01711 1736 952 554 230
24 The stars will align for your marriage once your check clears. 1.5812 0.01638 1951 1090 588 273
25 .."And that's why Bitcoin is a solid investment...." 1.5808 0.02828 730 430 176 124
26 Maybe you both need a little bit of space. 1.5741 0.01820 1545 864 475 206
27 So where do you see yourselves, say, five light years from now? 1.5738 0.01664 1849 1035 567 247
28 I assure you, that’s all in the past. The Mormon Church today is diverse and accepting. 1.5730 0.03543 466 278 109 79
29 It's $200 for the couple's therapy package but $800 if you really want me to work my magic. 1.5679 0.03123 523 295 159 69
30 As you know, our reputation is stellar. 1.5652 0.02442 805 444 267 94
31 It appears your investments are in retrograde… 1.5597 0.03302 477 275 137 65
32 We really embrace being the safety school for kids who wanted to go to Hogwarts instead. 1.5497 0.02630 715 410 217 88
33 Your horoscopes show you'll be getting a big bill from a charlatan. 1.5464 0.01754 2101 1371 312 418
34 A lot of schools have uniforms. 1.5417 0.01896 1438 852 393 193
35 Sure, I can look at your stock portfolio but keep in mind I am not a financial wizard. 1.5396 0.01869 1427 835 414 178
36 What do you mean you can't read her mind? 1.5374 0.02949 588 349 162 77
37 You were born under the influence of Pluto, when it was still a planet. Since it's not a planet anymore, you officially have no future. 1.5372 0.02579 767 455 212 100
38 This is just a side job. I teach middle school science. 1.5311 0.01799 1557 928 431 198
39 You've no doubt heard that a lot of my former clients went on to become big stars. 1.5311 0.01867 1416 837 406 173
40 I’m not entirely clear…why are worried about your investments with us? 1.5299 0.01893 1470 895 371 204
41 Let us try to appreciate the gravity of your situation. 1.5283 0.02606 706 414 211 81
42 It helps if you think we know what we're doing. 1.5277 0.02507 741 430 231 80
43 What a lot of people don't realize about us here at NASA is that we don't know how we do it, either! 1.5276 0.02433 851 510 233 108
44 Yes, I can literally bring the magic back to your marriage. 1.5263 0.01853 1406 830 412 164
45 It's general relativity in the mornings, advanced string theory in the afternoons, and pajama day every Friday. 1.5247 0.01920 1378 833 367 178
46 yes, some people do call me a financial wizard. why do you ask 1.5239 0.01817 1441 849 429 163
47 Let's appreciate the gravity of the situation. 1.5224 0.02626 670 391 208 71
48 Having heard your tax situation, it's clear you've come to the right place. 1.5217 0.01905 1361 817 378 166
49 When the moon is in the seventh house and Jupiter aligns with Mars; move all your money to Crypto 1.5216 0.03137 485 287 143 55
50 Are you familiar with cryptocurrency? 1.5206 0.01930 1356 823 360 173
51 Of course, I must warn you that asset management is not an exact pseudo-science. 1.5203 0.01919 1382 842 361 179
52 Sorry, I can't actually put the magic back in your relationship. 1.5201 0.01857 1417 849 399 169
53 Frankly, your son is not a stellar student. 1.5186 0.02038 1184 713 328 143
54 I just do magic. You want marriage counseling --2 doors down. 1.5146 0.01945 1269 762 361 146
55 I think you two should give each other some space. 1.5138 0.01953 1265 762 356 147
56 Some call it magic, others call it tax fraud. 1.5135 0.02075 1223 764 290 169
57 Astronomy, astrology, it's all the same in my book. 1.5130 0.02526 768 466 210 92
58 If you're not into astrology, I also sell mood rings. 1.5121 0.02296 1203 818 154 231
59 Yes, I was your financial adviser, but this works just as well 1.5119 0.01977 1219 733 348 138
60 Sorry, but your magical insurance doesn't cover pre-existing curses. 1.5107 0.02098 1165 723 289 153
61 Even my magic can't help you win this contest - the Caption Contest Facebook group votes as a bloc for blockheaded captions submitted by fellow members and your funnier caption will be buried during crowdsource voting." [See what I did there, Beth? 1.5096 0.02270 1244 853 148 243
62 We caught your son playing with his wand in the bathroom again. 1.5095 0.02245 1158 761 204 193
63 It’s a good time to buy; as the universe expands, so does the market out there. 1.5079 0.01944 1203 715 365 123
64 I needed an outfit to tie the room together. 1.5065 0.02040 1149 698 320 131
65 Your moon is in Virgo and your sun sign is ascendant but I'm afraid your form 1040 is in retrograde. 1.5036 0.02201 983 599 273 111
66 In what realm do you see yourselves in five years?” 1.5019 0.02314 1044 681 202 161
67 Unlike the other financial advisors you interview, I actually do have a crystal ball. 1.5019 0.02231 1070 684 235 151
68 You mentioned that your last therapist was too “down to earth?” 1.5016 0.03900 321 198 85 38
69 Sorry. Can't help you with something like that . You'll have to contact one of the conspiracy experts in either Georgia or Florida. 1.5000 0.02606 750 472 181 97
70 When did you notice the magic was gone? 1.4995 0.02325 973 621 218 134
71 Now that I have tenure, this is a great way to get out of committee work. 1.4986 0.02154 1055 655 274 126
72 Yes, our fees are astronomical. But you make it sound like a bad thing. 1.4985 0.02146 1029 631 283 115
73 Earth may have taken a turn for the worse, but I can promise you the moon and the stars. 1.4963 0.02597 681 414 196 71
74 Technically, the funds were evaporated, not embezzled. 1.4960 0.02316 1000 647 210 143
75 What makes you think your luggage is here? 1.4945 0.02294 993 637 221 135
76 And, that’s how we come up with credit scores. 1.4937 0.02311 950 603 225 122
77 Both of you need to come down to earth. 1.4927 0.02928 548 338 150 60
78 If i weren't a very good lawyer, do you think I could get away with this clown suit? 1.4913 0.02553 688 418 202 68
79 For my next trick, I'll try to find your money before you retire. 1.4910 0.02364 837 517 229 91
80 Now when you said “bring the magic back to the relationship” I think there was a misunderstanding. 1.4905 0.02225 946 585 258 103
81 Mr Wizard was my dad,call me Don. 1.4902 0.03196 459 284 125 50
82 Excuse my raspy voice. I have a frog in my throat. 1.4865 0.02588 849 571 143 135
83 Well just what does a real lawyer look like Mr. Thomas? 1.4844 0.02643 799 535 141 123
84 Now this is gonna sound way out there, but... 1.4838 0.02689 616 378 178 60
85 As your tax lawyer, I can make your problems with the IRS disappear. 1.4813 0.02381 802 498 222 82
86 I’m sorry but Abracadabra can’t fix this. 1.4804 0.02349 841 527 224 90
87 Perhaps a little magic is just what this marriage needs? 1.4803 0.02260 862 530 250 82
88 Heavens, no. 1.4796 0.02447 784 494 204 86
89 My father always told me to dress for the job you want. 1.4782 0.02458 824 532 190 102
90 So, you're looking for universal healthcare? You've come to the right place. 1.4779 0.02514 770 493 186 91
91 According to the planets, you will have a couple good years, a couple bad years, and some entirely forgettable years….just like everyone else. 1.4754 0.02448 732 453 210 69
92 So, the magic is gone.I hear that a lot." 1.4753 0.02792 789 558 87 144
93 I'm here to return the magic to your relationship. 1.4730 0.02468 742 466 201 75
94 Listen, this is Florida. Schools have to work with what we're left with. 1.4723 0.02736 739 502 125 112
95 There is no spell powerful enough to remove your son from your basement and out on his own. 1.4702 0.02776 704 476 125 103
96 Not even I can connect you with customer service. 1.4675 0.02704 693 458 146 89
97 So, you're here to see if you can get the magic back into your relationship. 1.4669 0.02557 724 467 176 81
98 Yes, I'm a white guy in a pointed hat. What's your question? 1.4653 0.02721 649 422 152 75
99 Correct: Magic is still the only proven method to cancel a Timeshare contract. 1.4625 0.02896 640 436 112 92
100 Some people are drawn to this profession by the wonder of the universe. For me, it was the pointy hat. 1.4618 0.02839 602 395 136 71
101 I've already said "Abracadabra". There's really nothing more I can do. 1.4618 0.02766 615 399 148 68
102 We have a hot defamation suit right now involving a certain former planet suing for damages... I can't name names...but it starts with a P. 1.4602 0.03002 502 322 129 51
103 We offer universal coverage. 1.4600 0.02852 587 384 136 67
104 Yes, I’m an actual financial wizard. 1.4593 0.02757 651 432 139 80
105 I bet you're wondering why I summoned you here today.” 1.4589 0.02928 645 447 100 98
106 Yes we do invest in futures. 1.4577 0.02763 627 412 143 72
107 Good news—we've finally found some properties in your price range. 1.4576 0.02931 590 396 118 76
108 So…am I hearing you say that you need some magic put back in your relationship? 1.4567 0.02616 635 404 172 59
109 Well, I discovered my “gift” during the Covid lockdown. 1.4545 0.02578 638 404 178 56
110 So you want to go to Mars and she wants to go to Venus. 1.4541 0.02773 632 420 137 75
111 We deal with hocus-pocus not hanky-panky. Divorce lawyer is across the hall. 1.4516 0.02840 620 418 124 78
112 I'm not sure why you would question the credibility of our law firm. 1.4509 0.02809 621 416 130 75
113 I don’t believe you understand the gravity of the situation. 1.4497 0.02936 547 362 124 61
114 This is my second calling. In high school, I was a dunce. 1.4488 0.03027 557 380 104 73
115 What exactly do you mean by certified? 1.4456 0.02879 570 380 126 64
116 Welcome to the complaints desk, where all your issues vanish.” 1.4456 0.03079 588 417 80 91
117 I know what you are thinking folks, can we really trust our life savings to a man with a moustache? 1.4455 0.03038 541 368 105 68
118 I know Harry Potter and, believe me, your son is no Harry Potter. 1.4452 0.02850 575 382 130 63
119 Flying monkeys could do your job. 1.4450 0.03222 591 436 47 108
120 I see Alchemy as the golden opportunity. 1.4426 0.03133 418 267 117 34
121 What did you think when Yelp said "Out of this world?" 1.4424 0.03115 425 272 118 35
122 We're a little short-staffed right now. Donald Trump is utilizing most of our people. 1.4420 0.03186 500 344 91 65
123 Excuse me but I'm a financial wizard, not planner. 1.4412 0.03114 485 325 106 54
124 I'm sorry, but 'Abracadabra' won't fix your taxes. 1.4411 0.02849 560 371 131 58
125 Marriage takes work, I can’t just wave a magic wand. 1.4407 0.02974 531 356 116 59
126 How did you expect a financial wizard to dress? 1.4398 0.02898 573 388 118 67
127 No. I don't have the slightest interest in astronomy. Why do you ask? 1.4382 0.02913 534 355 124 55
128 What did you expect a financial wizard to look like? 1.4381 0.02811 582 389 131 62
129 As for your feeling that the entire Universe is against you, it is. 1.4381 0.02921 541 362 121 58
130 So you want the magic back in your marriage? 1.4378 0.02952 539 363 116 60
131 I never said I was a financial wizard 1.4373 0.02932 526 350 122 54
132 As it turns out, rocket science isn't really rocket science. 1.4367 0.02932 529 353 121 55
133 I’m guessing you’ve eliminated all the normal travel planners. 1.4357 0.02914 521 345 125 51
134 For a higher fee, I can tell you something really great about your future. 1.4355 0.03020 496 331 114 51
135 Basically, horoscopes make more sense than tax law. 1.4355 0.03332 434 296 87 51
136 Those aren't posters. They’re windows. 1.4350 0.03100 531 370 91 70
137 I know “financial wizard” gets thrown around a lot, but I think you’ll find I’m the only one with the hat. 1.4346 0.03082 497 337 104 56
138 Now that we’ve discussed the truly grand scale of the cosmos, I hope you can come to appreciate how it is that we lost your son on that field trip 1.4345 0.03012 527 359 107 61
139 All I have left is the disappearing act. You decide who goes 1.4341 0.03304 387 253 100 34
140 Because I outperform the market when I wear it. Next question. 1.4339 0.03143 484 330 98 56
141 Yes, the bill for this consultation will also be astronomical. 1.4336 0.03139 482 328 99 55
142 When the moon is in the seventh house, you should pack up and be out of yours." 1.4329 0.02968 492 325 121 46
143 I'm seeing two options: we sue for the cost of repairing the corner of the shed their tree damaged, or... and this is totally up to you, we melt them with a fireball. 1.4325 0.03298 437 298 89 50
144 The difference between astronomy and astrology is the cap and gown. 1.4317 0.03036 498 336 109 53
145 Your loan application was referred to the Magical Thinking department. 1.4310 0.03135 471 319 101 51
146 I don't solve problems. I make them disappear." 1.4303 0.03026 488 327 112 49
147 As new platinum level members of the Republican Party, you’ll need to be fitted for your robes and hats. 1.4303 0.03151 509 356 87 66
148 You do realize that financial investing is not an exact science? 1.4300 0.03085 493 336 102 55
149 You’re one to talk. Who wears white after Labor Day? 1.4294 0.03117 489 335 98 56
150 It's a quiet neighborhood. But the commute is challenging. 1.4294 0.02923 489 321 126 42
151 So, which one of you was a frog? 1.4294 0.03044 496 336 107 53
152 I’m afraid I’ve made your 401(k) disappear. 1.4289 0.03318 436 300 85 51
153 After I tell you my hourly rate, your intentions to get a divorce will magically disappear 1.4286 0.02969 504 338 116 50
154 Sorry to say that your daughter faces expulsion because of her realistic expectations of our institution. 1.4283 0.02957 460 299 125 36
155 I can help you put the magic back in your marriage. 1.4265 0.03165 476 328 93 55
156 Thanks for choosing TaxWizard. 1.4259 0.02933 486 321 123 42
157 Certified public astrologer. 1.4259 0.03445 425 299 71 55
158 So. Your down payment has disappeared. 1.4254 0.03348 362 237 96 29
159 So you’re looking for more magic in your relationship? 1.4254 0.03087 449 299 109 41
160 Look, I'm just a wizard, not a marriage counselor. 1.4248 0.03207 459 316 91 52
161 First, forget everything you’ve heard about traditional stock analysis. 1.4233 0.03100 489 337 97 55
162 Well if the abracadabra didn't work, I don't know what to tell you. 1.4230 0.03227 409 273 99 37
163 '"dress for the job you want" does sound like something I would have told your son.' 1.4223 0.03140 457 311 99 47
164 I make audits fun for everyone. 1.4223 0.03920 296 202 63 31
165 It's not just OUR bank, the whole banking industry is going through a change!" 1.4213 0.03138 432 289 104 39
166 You're right Mr. and Mrs. Johnson, as a psychic I should have known not to wear this outfit today. 1.4205 0.03298 390 261 94 35
167 We caught your daughter reading a textbook. 1.4192 0.03565 365 252 73 40
168 For your marriage to work, you must be open to presto chango. 1.4186 0.03077 430 285 110 35
169 Do you like it? It's made of tinfoil. Marjorie Taylor Greene made it for me. 1.4165 0.03364 461 333 64 64
170 I’m not sure you know what a therapist to the stars does 1.4149 0.03351 429 302 76 51
171 How much risk are you willing to take? 1.4145 0.03243 415 283 92 40
172 What in the world brings you in today?” 1.4144 0.03187 444 306 92 46
173 Now, this may sound a little far-fetched. 1.4141 0.03310 384 259 91 34
174 Social Security used to be a dependable source of retirement income, and Pluto used to be a planet. 1.4135 0.03336 399 274 85 40
175 I'm so sorry, but there's just no way to comprehend Trump's mind. 1.4130 0.03557 414 301 55 58
176 Your son is going to be a star. 1.4121 0.03391 347 231 89 27
177 For a donation of $5000 you can take a trip to Mars on an astral plane with Marjorie Taylor Greene. 1.4115 0.03485 435 318 55 62
178 Let's talk about my fee...it will be astronomical. 1.4103 0.03410 390 271 78 41
179 As you see, here at SpaceX, we are completely invested in our mission. 1.4103 0.03450 312 204 88 20
180 Cryptocurrency can be risky, so I’d I suggest balancing out your portfolio with some faerie dust, a treasure map, and a ten percent interest in a unicorn farm. 1.4097 0.03578 371 262 66 43
181 This is where the magic happens. 1.4091 0.03235 396 268 94 34
182 I'm sorry for the misunderstanding but I'm not a financial wizard. 1.4087 0.03234 416 286 90 40
183 It’s a common mistake, we’re the National Astrology and Space Association.” 1.4084 0.03265 404 277 89 38
184 Actually, it is rocket science. 1.4080 0.03384 375 257 83 35
185 Of course I’m a real accountant. What a silly question. 1.4077 0.03245 417 288 88 41
186 So, you want to invest in crypto. 1.4073 0.03332 383 262 86 35
187 In the multiverse, there’s a world where we’re sitting here and I’m telling you that I invested your money wisely and you are now very rich. 1.4070 0.03473 371 258 75 38
188 Let’s try to put the magic back in your relationship. 1.4069 0.03333 408 285 80 43
189 Sure, the stars are in your favor, but there's still no way you're getting that loan. 1.4065 0.03243 401 274 91 36
190 Here at the University of Florida,we have rediscovered recently that the earth is actually flat. 1.4059 0.03502 409 296 60 53
191 I see you paying me, before we begin. 1.4047 0.04563 215 150 43 22
192 Laundry day. 1.4046 0.03677 346 245 62 39
193 We came to you because our finances are literally in a black hole 1.4043 0.03605 324 222 73 29
194 In terms of saving your marriage, I'm a wizard, not a miracle worker. 1.4027 0.03468 365 254 75 36
195 Why would you ask if we're accredited? 1.4026 0.03286 390 268 87 35
196 And that's the magic of compound interest. 1.4025 0.03216 395 269 93 33
197 I can read the stars but most people just have me do their taxes." 1.4021 0.03358 388 270 80 38
198 I’m sorry I can’t help you. I’m a pinball wizard. 1.4021 0.03397 388 272 76 40
199 Have you tried giving each other some space? 1.4017 0.03539 361 254 69 38
200 Fix your relationship? I perform magic, not miracles. 1.4016 0.03510 371 262 69 40
201 Dress for the job you want. 1.4016 0.03402 381 266 77 38
202 I don’t know how to tell you this, but at recess your son pulled a sword out of a stone. 1.4011 0.03717 349 251 56 42
203 Folks, this won't work unless you're serious; I'm a marriage counselor, not a wizard! 1.4010 0.03160 394 266 98 30
204 Trust me. When the magic's gone, it's gone. 1.4006 0.03643 347 246 63 38
205 My personal expertise is in the futures market. 1.4005 0.03261 407 283 85 39
206 How far are you willing to commute? 1.4000 0.03420 375 262 76 37
207 Mercury is in retrograde around 70 days a year. Have you ever considered you're just bad at communicating? 1.3983 0.03462 359 250 75 34
208 I understand everything in the Universe, except women. 1.3981 0.03512 427 318 48 61
209 Yes, we believe our method of picking stocks is unlike anyone else’s. 1.3969 0.03577 320 220 73 27
210 Sometimes couples just need a little space. 1.3963 0.03451 376 266 71 39
211 In light of the recent economic turmoil, the bank has adopted some new methods of interest rate forecasting. 1.3963 0.03368 376 262 79 35
212 How should I know? 1.3961 0.03218 414 289 86 39
213 All signs point to yes. 1.3960 0.04503 202 139 46 17
214 Let’s just say we take an interdisciplinary approach to wealth management here at Kaplan & Monteith. 1.3957 0.03718 278 188 70 20
215 What kind of universal healthcare did you think I meant? 1.3955 0.03630 354 254 60 40
216 'Sorry i can't help this marriage. I am a Wizard, not a magician!" 1.3943 0.03615 350 250 62 38
217 It has come to my attention that your daughter believes in science. 1.3941 0.03669 340 243 60 37
218 Actually, our investment advice has been rated somewhat above the industry average. 1.3940 0.03397 368 257 77 34
219 The bad news is that your signs are incompatible. The good news is that my associate is a lawyer. 1.3933 0.03264 389 270 85 34
220 Before you came in I took the liberty of looking into your future. 1.3918 0.03309 388 272 80 36
221 I'm not your typical sex therapist. 1.3908 0.04016 284 204 49 31
222 I saw your portfolio. I regret to tell you that I'm a financial wizard, not a miracle worker. 1.3908 0.03791 325 235 53 37
223 Sir, your astrology test results are in… You have Cancer in Uranus 1.3907 0.03600 366 266 57 43
224 Get the magic back? Of course. That's what I do. 1.3906 0.03486 361 256 69 36
225 I'm a financial wizard...sometimes the magic works,sometimes it don't 1.3905 0.03410 338 232 80 26
226 Do I look like I'm not being serious? 1.3901 0.03654 323 228 64 31
227 Here at Cosmos Savings and Loan, we do things a little differently. For instance, returns on your investments might take thousands of light years. 1.3891 0.03630 329 233 64 32
228 I could just make one of you disappear. 1.3891 0.03553 329 230 70 29
229 Now, some financial advisors will promise you the sun and the moon, but can they really deliver? 1.3889 0.03696 342 248 55 39
230 Per your instructions I invested your retirement savings in futures. 1.3886 0.03587 350 251 62 37
231 No matter how the stars align, you're screwed. 1.3880 0.03863 299 214 54 31
232 Astronomy, astrology…I grant it could have been a clerical error, but the funding came to us and we plan to keep it. 1.3875 0.03556 351 251 64 36
233 Apologies, it’s laundry day. 1.3872 0.03519 359 257 65 37
234 The good news is that you’ll be in an accident next week and none of this will matter 1.3870 0.03677 323 230 61 32
235 Weren't you both here in a previous life? 1.3867 0.03552 300 205 74 21
236 Sorry, but even I can't find you an affordable house. 1.3861 0.03708 303 213 63 27
237 Do I look like I have a crystal ball? 1.3859 0.03456 355 251 71 33
238 Our rates are astronomical 1.3855 0.03480 358 255 68 35
239 Yes, we have a full astrophysics major for your daughter, but I find this outfit really brings the Harry Potter crowd into our introductory classes. 1.3854 0.03618 288 197 71 20
240 Bitcoin, huh? Hold on while I get one of our younger wizards in here. 1.3851 0.03830 296 211 56 29
241 I used to work children’s birthdays, but marital strife pays better. 1.3851 0.03736 322 232 56 34
242 I mean really, do you think those fancy Wall Street types do it any differently? 1.3846 0.03772 299 212 59 28
243 You see, when the Moon is in the seventh house and Jupiter aligns with Mars… 1.3846 0.03606 325 230 65 30
244 The zodiac reassignment therapy might be difficult, but it's definitely worth it. 1.3846 0.03632 325 231 63 31
245 It sounds like you both need some space. 1.3841 0.03715 302 213 62 27
246 It'll be an extra $50 if you want the marriage dissolved into actual dust. 1.3839 0.03644 336 242 59 35
247 I’m afraid your tax refund is in retrograde. 1.3835 0.03357 352 245 79 28
248 I'm required to tell you that this method of financial planning is somewhat unorthodox. 1.3832 0.03690 321 230 59 32
249 So, do I hear you'd like to be realigned? 1.3832 0.03416 321 220 79 22
250 I wear it once in a blue moon. 1.3829 0.04140 269 196 43 30
251 No, I'm an economist. 1.3827 0.03818 324 238 48 38
252 Let's just say your portfolio's in retrograde." 1.3825 0.03422 366 261 70 35
253 May I suggest you try couple‘s therapy first? 1.3821 0.03397 335 232 78 25
254 Don’t feel too bad; many first-time home buyers are being priced outside the asteroid beltway. 1.3820 0.03574 322 227 67 28
255 So, you're probably wondering why I'm wearing a tie. 1.3819 0.03821 309 224 52 33
256 We are big proponents of universal health care. 1.3813 0.03647 299 209 66 24
257 My fees are astronomical. 1.3811 0.03732 328 239 53 36
258 The secrets of the universe I can tell you, sir, but no, I cannot tell you what women want. 1.3807 0.03631 331 238 60 33
259 Your mortgage approval is still light years away. 1.3802 0.03756 313 226 55 32
260 Let me tell you about our Expanded Life Care program. 1.3800 0.03637 300 210 66 24
261 Business has been booming ever since Warren Buffett said that 'the only value of stock forecasters is to make fortune tellers look good.' " 1.3799 0.03820 329 244 45 40
262 If payment is an issue, I can refer you to a really reputable alchemist. 1.3799 0.03596 329 235 63 31
263 Robert is very gifted, but he's got to stop turning the other students into frogs. 1.3797 0.03620 316 224 64 28
264 Your son’s in retrograde. 1.3787 0.03293 338 232 84 22
265 So what you are saying is that bribery did not work and now, you would like try magic for your child’s college admission” 1.3784 0.03763 296 211 58 27
266 The stars are telling me it’s terminal. Well, the stars and the MRI. 1.3781 0.03950 283 205 49 29
267 If I had a magic wand, do you think I'd be here? 1.3778 0.03816 315 231 49 35
268 We need to talk about your daughter's retrogrades. 1.3774 0.03934 265 188 54 23
269 Your daughter has started identifying as a Leo. 1.3769 0.04077 268 195 45 28
270 Look I’m a magician not a marriage counselor. 1.3764 0.03497 348 250 65 33
271 And that folks, is the magic of compound interest. 1.3764 0.03870 271 192 56 23
272 I'm afraid which of you shall control the remote is beyond my powers. 1.3758 0.03671 306 218 61 27
273 Full disclosure- I’m still an Apprentice 1.3758 0.03582 306 215 67 24
274 So what you're saying is, you need more space? 1.3750 0.03746 304 219 56 29
275 Let me guess...you promised her the moon. 1.3746 0.03867 291 211 51 29
276 Well, Neil deGrasse Tyson has really raised the bar on flair for us astronomers. 1.3742 0.03453 326 229 72 25
277 Our market prediction methods are lightyears ahead of the rest. 1.3741 0.03522 294 203 72 19
278 Come on, sit for a spell. 1.3740 0.04107 262 191 44 27
279 So, you're wanting to recapture some of the magic from when you first met, yes? 1.3738 0.03406 313 216 77 20
280 There is still a small group of us here at NASA who question science. 1.3726 0.04094 263 192 44 27
281 I think you both just need a little space. 1.3720 0.03783 293 211 55 27
282 Why, yes, I am a certified financial planner. 1.3712 0.03787 299 217 53 29
283 Gwyneth Paltrow clears everything with me. 1.3711 0.03782 318 235 48 35
284 So I hear you are interested in cryptocurrency. 1.3704 0.03652 297 211 62 24
285 For full disclosure, I'm just an apprentice. 1.3682 0.03696 277 195 62 20
286 On the positive side, raising a frog is going to be way less expensive than a child. 1.3682 0.03936 277 202 48 27
287 No, seriously, I'm not THAT Grand Wizard. 1.3681 0.03654 307 221 59 27
288 So what brings you to cosmic uncoupling? 1.3678 0.03634 329 241 55 33
289 I think you two need some space. 1.3677 0.03797 291 211 53 27
290 Wait, you came here thinking you could hire me to do a child’s birthday party? I’m a certified astrologer… Ok, what does it pay? 1.3676 0.03372 340 241 73 26
291 As you can see, this is where the magic happens 1.3671 0.03714 286 204 59 23
292 Mr and Mrs Stevens, I'm not a magician. 1.3669 0.04152 248 181 43 24
293 Past prophesies are not indicative of future results. 1.3665 0.03584 322 233 60 29
294 My approach to stock-picking is a bit unorthodox. 1.3664 0.03915 262 188 52 22
295 Sky’s the limit. 1.3657 0.03605 309 222 61 26
296 Do I have to spell it out for you? 1.3655 0.04017 290 218 38 34
297 Even with Jupiter in retrograde, Carl’s still failing science. 1.3649 0.03819 285 207 52 26
298 I'm afraid that a new mortgage is just not in the stars for you at this time. 1.3643 0.03917 258 185 52 21
299 And while time may be an illusion, I charge $350 an hour for that illusion. 1.3643 0.03801 280 202 54 24
300 Well, we can’t actually guarantee a safe return. 1.3643 0.03698 291 209 58 24
301 The good news is the baby’s perfectly healthy. The bad news she is an Aries sun, Leo moon, Sagittarius rising. 1.3643 0.03761 291 211 54 26
302 As your investment advisor, I must warn you that we are entering the Age of Uncertainty. 1.3642 0.03456 324 231 68 25
303 Now i understand your'e looking for a small planet to call home? 1.3636 0.03927 264 191 50 23
304 I recommend weekly spell checks. 1.3636 0.03739 264 186 60 18
305 So tell me again, who wants whom to disappear? 1.3628 0.03425 328 234 69 25
306 So the magic has gone out of your relationship? 1.3624 0.03816 298 220 48 30
307 I'm afraid your son has violated the school dress code. 1.3619 0.04194 268 203 33 32
308 The first session is free. Subsequent sessions are, frankly, astronomical. 1.3605 0.03988 258 188 47 23
309 No planets on the market for that price. Have you considered renting a moon? 1.3595 0.03563 306 220 62 24
310 Oh no, I'm so sorry, I'm a 'mirage' counselor. 1.3587 0.04341 223 164 38 21
311 Let me tell you more about universal life insurance. 1.3586 0.03699 290 210 56 24
312 Just some of my vacation pictures. 1.3584 0.03936 279 207 44 28
313 So, I gather you have lost the magic in your relationship.” 1.3583 0.04031 240 173 48 19
314 Sorry, I can't just wave a magic wand. 1.3582 0.03905 282 209 45 28
315 You're probably wondering why I'm wearing these silly glasses. 1.3579 0.03665 271 192 61 18
316 The good news is, your relationship will last until the end of time. The bad news is, the end of time is next month. 1.3579 0.04088 271 204 37 30
317 I am obligated to tell you up front that I am not a typical financial planner. 1.3576 0.03651 288 207 59 22
318 We just need him to stop turning the teachers into toads. 1.3571 0.04052 252 185 44 23
319 If your three wishes are life insurance, tax consulting, and portfolio management, you've come to the right place. 1.3571 0.03891 280 207 46 27
320 Those are windows, not pictures. 1.3568 0.04102 241 176 44 21
321 We take a unique approach to providing universal health care. 1.3566 0.03799 272 197 53 22
322 What do you think I am, a financial wizard? 1.3556 0.03684 284 205 57 22
323 You realize, of course, that I can't promise you the moon. 1.3554 0.03820 287 212 48 27
324 There is no planetary alignment that gets you a refund this year. 1.3553 0.04221 228 167 41 20
325 Yes, our investment strategy is tied to moon phases - but it's safer than Crypto. 1.3550 0.04118 262 197 37 28
326 I dress the job I want, not the job I have. 1.3547 0.03977 265 196 44 25
327 Your issue is well known: you are from Mars and she is from Venus 1.3543 0.03589 302 219 59 24
328 I have a great couples retreat in Sagittarius. 1.3537 0.03333 311 219 74 18
329 Ha! You think the distance between you is big? 1.3532 0.04002 269 201 41 27
330 And for an additional fee, you can take a moonbeam home in a jar. 1.3527 0.03970 275 206 41 28
331 I started out as a meteorologist but found it too unpredictable. 1.3525 0.04091 261 196 38 27
332 I won't charge you for this session. My Magic 8 Ball is in the shop. 1.3524 0.03934 210 146 54 10
333 I thought it was appropriate that I dress this way considering what you are asking me to do with your tax return this year. 1.3519 0.03750 287 211 51 25
334 As your lawyer, I’d say our chances of winning are astronomical. 1.3516 0.03783 273 199 52 22
335 You say that, but no one ever appreciates magic insurance until they need it. 1.3515 0.04032 239 174 46 19
336 You want affordable housing...and in this galaxy? 1.3514 0.03682 276 199 57 20
337 Do you need me to spell it out for you? 1.3511 0.03764 282 207 51 24
338 Good news. Your loan will be approved when the moon is in the 7th house and Jupiter aligns with Mars. 1.3509 0.03750 265 191 55 19
339 Well, yes, Hogwarts was my first choice, but I'm very happy here. 1.3509 0.03735 285 209 52 24
340 That is correct... I am a financial wizard 1.3504 0.03980 254 187 45 22
341 Whatever you might have read, let me assure you right now there's nothing speculative about cryptocurrency. 1.3500 0.04026 260 194 41 25
342 The universe is saying divorce. 1.3500 0.03989 260 193 43 24
343 Crazy isn't just for politicians anymore. 1.3498 0.04233 223 164 40 19
344 Of course, past performance is no guarantee of future results. 1.3496 0.03813 266 194 51 21
345 Space tourism is now safer than driving 1.3496 0.03820 246 176 54 16
346 Relevant background and experience? Undoubtedly my tenure as chairman of the Federal Reserve 1.3491 0.04490 212 159 32 21
347 Based on my readings, I’ve no idea how you two stayed married for this long. 1.3490 0.03928 255 187 47 21
348 Unfortunately due to the space-time continuum, this therapy session was up before you arrived. 1.3489 0.04378 235 179 30 26
349 Your son is not space cadet material. 1.3488 0.03895 258 189 48 21
350 And I always have my spell checker turned on. 1.3484 0.04354 221 165 35 21
351 Now, when you say you want an "out of this world" trip... 1.3482 0.04023 224 161 48 15
352 As to your daughter's final project, gravity isn't magic. 1.3478 0.03827 253 183 52 18
353 I hear you’re looking for something spacious. 1.3478 0.03988 253 187 44 22
354 We believe that celestial alignment is far and away the best predictor of high yields 1.3478 0.04183 230 170 40 20
355 This may surprise you, but I'm not your typical travel agent. 1.3477 0.03714 256 183 57 16
356 I am going to lay my cards on the table. 1.3468 0.04194 222 163 41 18
357 You see, they thought a wizard teaching the natural sciences might get the 5th graders more engaged. 1.3466 0.03720 251 179 57 15
358 I can predict your future. I can't fix your past. 1.3465 0.03971 228 164 49 15
359 I'd love to help you, but my staff is on vacation. 1.3465 0.04312 254 197 26 31
360 You realize, of course, that a rent-controlled apartment on the Upper East Side will require an agreement to sell your soul to Satan? 1.3457 0.04479 188 137 37 14
361 If you're not interested in our Mars package, how about a bus trip to Poughkeepsie? 1.3455 0.04186 246 186 35 25
362 Before we begin, I'll need your signs. 1.3453 0.03510 278 198 64 16
363 So when people say the magic has gone out of their relationship, it's not a literal thing. 1.3448 0.03825 232 165 54 13
364 Although our motto is “We make the impossible possible!” - trying to get Mr. Trump to tell the truth is beyond the capabilities of even our most talented magician! 1.3448 0.03870 290 220 40 30
365 I’m a financial wizard, not an astrologer. 1.3448 0.04016 232 169 46 17
366 Well, yes, that's been known to happen...but only once in a blue moon. 1.3447 0.04025 235 172 45 18
367 Believe me when I tell you, the magic is gone. 1.3443 0.03772 273 201 50 22
368 It's a common question, but yes, you are also married in any parallel universes. 1.3433 0.04152 201 144 45 12
369 It depends on how you define a " long commute. 1.3432 0.04099 236 175 41 20
370 Science is just magic you can major in. 1.3430 0.04508 207 156 31 20
371 Peace will guide the planets. Love will steer the stars. Trust me on this. 1.3430 0.03983 242 178 45 19
372 To be honest, I'm pretty sure your son is the first student ever to flunk out of astrology college. 1.3429 0.04074 245 183 40 22
373 I'll never understand why everyone walks in here expecting miracles! 1.3425 0.03889 254 187 47 20
374 I'm not a lawyer, but I can summon a demon to do your will. 1.3421 0.04154 228 169 40 19
375 Your money isn't really gone, it's just on a different astral plane. 1.3420 0.04206 231 173 37 21
376 I can't offer the moon or stars, but I do have a few planets in your price range... 1.3418 0.03641 275 200 56 19
377 Well, I say a lot of funeral directors just don’t have my pizazz. 1.3418 0.04128 237 177 39 21
378 I regret to inform you that all of your funds at Merlin Investments have magically disappeared. 1.3417 0.03826 240 173 52 15
379 I failed out of Sorcery so I switched to Accounting. 1.3416 0.04137 243 183 37 23
380 What do you think, is the hat too much? 1.3413 0.04331 208 154 37 17
381 Unfortunately The Age of Aquarius Package is No Longer Available! 1.3413 0.04331 208 154 37 17
382 Yes, I can help you restore the magic in your relationship. 1.3413 0.03827 252 184 50 18
383 So you are interested in a time share, far far away? 1.3413 0.03989 252 188 42 22
384 Harvard, actually; why do you ask? 1.3412 0.04339 211 157 36 18
385 And how long ago did the magic disappear? 1.3404 0.04195 235 177 36 22
386 The costume is just to give me credibility. 1.3396 0.03814 268 199 47 22
387 Yes, Earth is for sale but I would invest in something a little more stable. 1.3395 0.03748 271 200 50 21
388 We at Fly, Bye & Knight recommend a balanced blend of investments that include crypto currency and NFTs. All well researhed by a large bank of Ouija boards and dart boards. 1.3391 0.04077 230 170 42 18
389 Let me get this right...you knew he was a Capricorn and you knew she was an Aries and you still got married? 1.3391 0.03983 230 168 46 16
390 Let me stop you right there… I’m a Certified Planetary Astrologer, not an accountant 1.3391 0.04040 233 172 43 18
391 Today we’ll see if we can find that old black magic call love. 1.3388 0.04148 245 186 35 24
392 This isn't your father's Witness Protection Program. 1.3386 0.03916 251 186 45 20
393 We're concerned your child is too down to earth. 1.3384 0.04246 198 144 41 13
394 Plan for death and taxes. 1.3380 0.04001 216 156 47 13
395 As you can see, we’re not a traditional law firm. 1.3380 0.04054 216 157 45 14
396 I'd like to help you, but it's not like I can just wave a magic wand. 1.3377 0.04147 228 170 39 19
397 If you’re looking for astronomical returns, you’ve come to the right place. 1.3376 0.04159 234 176 37 21
398 I can't promise you the moon, but I do try to move Heaven and Earth for my clients. 1.3376 0.04033 237 176 42 19
399 60% stocks, 30% bonds, 10% eye of newt. 1.3374 0.03962 243 180 44 19
400 In what universe do you think your marriage could be saved? 1.3373 0.04097 249 189 36 24
401 I'm afraid there's no magic solution to your marital problems. 1.3372 0.03758 258 189 51 18
402 I'm sorry we're out of network for your insurance 1.3363 0.04064 223 164 43 16
403 When the moon is in the seventh house, and Jupiter aligns with Mars. That will be $200 1.3363 0.03964 223 162 47 14
404 I’m afraid it’s Cancer. 1.3362 0.04093 232 173 40 19
405 I, of course, know exactly why you're here, but, in your own words, why don't you tell me exactly why you're here. 1.3349 0.04277 218 164 35 19
406 Nobody really knows how the market works anyway. 1.3347 0.03951 236 174 45 17
407 I can tell the magic is gone. 1.3333 0.04109 207 151 43 13
408 Time and space appear to be turning inward, so if you book now, there's a chance you might escape climate change and outstanding parking violations. 1.3333 0.03748 246 179 52 15
409 I know you were hoping for a tax refund this year but I’m a wizard, not a magician. 1.3333 0.04244 213 159 37 17
410 Yes I am Donald Trump’s tax accountant. Why do you ask? 1.3333 0.04134 255 197 31 27
411 I don’t see me giving you your money back in the future. 1.3333 0.04451 192 143 34 15
412 Was there something in particular you didn’t like about our investment strategies? 1.3321 0.03681 265 195 52 18
413 Once a light year you’ll get to choose a week from any of our luxury properties. 1.3320 0.03865 247 183 46 18
414 They say 'Dress for the job you want.' 1.3319 0.04018 226 167 43 16
415 We specialize in guiding our clients through the enchanted forest of arcane tax deductions. 1.3319 0.04067 226 168 41 17
416 Standard package is two spells. Gold package includes a full blown curse. 1.3318 0.04175 214 159 39 16
417 It's couples therapy. It's not magic. 1.3317 0.04175 202 148 41 13
418 For a small fee, I will reveal the mysteries of white privilege. 1.3315 0.04572 181 135 32 14
419 And poof! Your investment accounts have disappeared. 1.3308 0.03845 260 195 44 21
420 My hourly rate is astronomical. 1.3306 0.03919 242 180 44 18
421 I have an amazing timeshare opportunity that’s out of this world, but you have to act now. 1.3304 0.04108 230 173 38 19
422 Let's begin by acknowledging that, in galactic years, you've been waiting for racial justice for less than a day. 1.3303 0.04318 218 166 32 20
423 I'm a tax wizard yes, but for an audit you need a miracle. 1.3303 0.04318 218 166 32 20
424 I'm licensed in three galaxies, just not this one. 1.3303 0.04118 218 162 40 16
425 Sorry, I spaced out there for a sec. 1.3302 0.03998 215 157 45 13
426 Have you invested in crypto before? 1.3302 0.04092 212 156 42 14
427 You will definitely want travel insurance. 1.3302 0.04037 212 155 44 13
428 It's a very exact science 1.3291 0.03883 237 175 46 16
429 It seems like you both need space. 1.3290 0.03952 231 171 44 16
430 I'll try my best to get you that loan, but it's not like I can work magic here. 1.3286 0.04021 213 156 44 13
431 It's pronounced Uranus. 1.3285 0.04268 207 155 36 16
432 I'm filling in for the Doctor today. 1.3280 0.04553 189 143 30 16
433 And of course your deposits are 100% safe. 1.3278 0.03925 241 180 43 18
434 The planets may be aligned, but your marriage is not. 1.3278 0.03881 241 179 45 17
435 I lost a bet. 1.3277 0.04568 177 132 32 13
436 Who do you think the banks,hedge funds,and financial analysts turn to when they are having trouble figuring out the stock market? 1.3274 0.04107 226 170 38 18
437 Using the new Webb telescope we’ve added thousands of new destinations. 1.3274 0.03997 223 165 43 15
438 No, Mr. Johnson, you can't blame your marital problems on our wife being from Venus. That's not a thing. 1.3274 0.03946 223 164 45 14
439 And what makes you think I'm not realistic 1.3273 0.04236 220 167 34 19
440 Which would you rather hear the stars are not aligning in your favor or the shits about to hit the fan? 1.3263 0.04244 236 183 29 24
441 'Every relationship needs space...' 1.3262 0.04392 187 139 35 13
442 You’d be amazed at the opportunities in the pinball industry. 1.3261 0.04325 230 179 27 24
443 I use magic. It's less invasive than a colonoscopy. 1.3260 0.04186 227 173 34 20
444 The fault is not in your stars, but in yourselves. 1.3258 0.04219 221 168 34 19
445 You say astronomy, I say astrology... 1.3256 0.03698 258 191 50 17
446 Your child is excellent at spelling. 1.3253 0.03915 249 188 41 20
447 You want a house with lots of space on YOUR budget! What do I look like, a magician? 1.3251 0.04264 203 152 36 15
448 I can't promise you'll be happy, but I can make your problem disappear. 1.3249 0.04143 237 182 33 22
449 I can assure you the itineraries for interplanetary travel are stellar. The prices are astronomical too. 1.3248 0.03909 234 174 44 16
450 Men are from Mars; women are from Venus. Apart from that, I've got nothing. 1.3244 0.04017 225 168 41 16
451 Actually, the fault does lie in yourselves. 1.3241 0.04133 216 162 38 16
452 Gregorian or Julian Calendar? 1.3238 0.04106 210 156 40 14
453 I have to warn you, my fees are astronomical. 1.3234 0.04404 201 153 31 17
454 As your financial advisor, I want you to to feel assured that your money will be invested based upon sound judgement! 1.3231 0.04260 195 145 37 13
455 I’m not a miracle worker 1.3228 0.04287 189 140 37 12
456 What leads you to believe my counseling fees would be astronomical? 1.3227 0.04077 220 165 39 16
457 Now that I have your attention, I'd like to tell you about an incredible business opportunity that a lot of smart people are talking about. 1.3223 0.04198 211 159 36 16
458 So the magic has died? 1.3219 0.03915 233 174 43 16
459 Trust me. I'm an economist. 1.3218 0.04329 202 153 33 16
460 You promised her the moon. We’re here to deliver. 1.3217 0.03853 230 170 46 14
461 Sorry. I am a wizard, but not a financial one. 1.3217 0.03803 230 169 48 13
462 No, I don’t know why you’re here today. 1.3214 0.04539 196 151 27 18
463 We have beautiful quarter-acre lots to offer you, with breathtaking views. 1.3214 0.04363 196 148 33 15
464 Our mortgage rates have gotten quite astronomical. 1.3214 0.04073 224 169 38 17
465 My prediction is that your bank account will be emptied within the month 1.3211 0.04460 190 144 31 15
466 I'm afraid your son has gone retrograde. 1.3211 0.04136 190 139 41 10
467 Other brokers will tell you they don’t have a crystal ball. 1.3208 0.03699 265 199 47 19
468 This would be more of an apprenticeship. 1.3205 0.03505 234 167 59 8
469 Your child is struggling to spell. 1.3204 0.04096 206 153 40 13
470 So it seems like you need a little space. 1.3200 0.03958 225 168 42 15
471 So I understand that you two have tried everything. 1.3198 0.03943 222 165 43 14
472 Can I save your marriage? I'm a wizard, not a magician! 1.3198 0.04145 222 169 35 18
473 I can get you a ring with a view on Saturn 1.3198 0.04494 172 128 33 11
474 My advice - go all in on brooms. 1.3198 0.04716 172 131 27 14
475 Yes, this couple therapy is based on the fact that men come literally from Mars and women from Venus. 1.3197 0.04004 244 187 36 21
476 So, you’ve lost the magic? 1.3196 0.04084 219 165 38 16
477 So youd like a 30 year mortgage, but you’re a Taurus and Virgo? Let’s look at 6 month CDs instead… 1.3196 0.04284 219 169 30 20
478 Wealth is an illusion. As your financial wizard, I can help you realize your illusionary retirement. 1.3196 0.04628 194 151 24 19
479 You say abracadabra didn’t work? 1.3196 0.04451 194 148 30 16
480 Your investments are in retrograde. 1.3191 0.04361 188 141 34 13
481 We need you to stop telling your son that the world revolves around him. 1.3190 0.03825 232 172 46 14
482 We'll just need your W-2 and your exact time of birth to get started. 1.3184 0.04279 201 152 34 15
483 Let’s be honest. Hogwarts is not a realistic goal for Franklin. 1.3184 0.03979 223 167 41 15
484 Let's talk about why your son is spacing out in class. 1.3179 0.04547 173 130 31 12
485 As your lawyer, I have to tell you it’s against the law. But as your astrologer, I also have to tell you it’s against the law. 1.3179 0.04763 173 133 25 15
486 Have I got a spell for you! 1.3179 0.04692 173 132 27 14
487 So in round figures, just how much magic would you like back in your marriage? 1.3179 0.04547 173 130 31 12
488 Help you figure out health plans? I'm a wizard not a miracle worker!" 1.3176 0.04181 233 181 30 22
489 Yes, unlike traditional financial planning firms, we specialize in Crypto. 1.3175 0.04142 189 139 40 10
490 It’s a timeshare on a galaxy That is really not that far away. 1.3175 0.04405 189 143 32 14
491 You wished upon a star, but did you read the fine print? 1.3171 0.03924 205 150 45 10
492 I only work Magic. Miracles are another department. 1.3167 0.04052 221 167 38 16
493 There are only two signs in the Zodiac. Leos, and those that wish they were. 1.3164 0.04613 177 135 28 14
494 There are no quick fixes, but there IS a magical solution 1.3163 0.04040 196 144 42 10
495 I was always told to dress for the job that I want. 1.3163 0.04077 215 162 38 15
496 The fault is not in not in your stars, but in yourselves. 1.3153 0.04185 203 153 36 14
497 I am assuming you’ve tried marriage counseling, right? 1.3152 0.05072 165 130 18 17
498 I think you misinterpreted my “bring the magic back into your relationship” ad. 1.3150 0.04228 200 151 35 14
499 Im a magician not a marriage counselor. 1.3150 0.04168 200 150 37 13
500 It's not rocket science 1.3148 0.04217 216 166 32 18
501 And you're here to see me because, because, because, because, because, because of the wonderful things I do? 1.3146 0.04520 178 135 30 13
502 I'm not sure why you keep asking, but yes, I am a Certified Financial Planner. 1.3143 0.04141 210 159 36 15
503 Never daydreaming, always paying attention. You're child is just too grounded for this academy. 1.3141 0.04237 191 143 36 12
504 Speaking as your attorney, I'd advise you to get another attorney. 1.3140 0.04293 207 159 31 17
505 Astrologer and Financial Advisor have more in common than you think. 1.3135 0.04330 185 139 34 12
506 Your stars say crypto currency is where you should be 1.3133 0.04747 166 127 26 13
507 As you can see, I will be adding magic to your investments 1.3132 0.04515 182 139 29 14
508 I'm sorry, even I can't help you with your taxes. 1.3125 0.04220 208 159 33 16
509 Is it the mustache? My wife says it makes me look ridiculous. 1.3125 0.04218 192 144 36 12
510 I have a PhD in economics, but it is really just guess work. 1.3120 0.03883 234 177 41 16
511 No, I'm a *mirage* counselor. 1.3119 0.04133 218 167 34 17
512 By all means, then, tell me how a respectable astrophysicist *should* dress. 1.3119 0.04476 202 158 25 19
513 Your "time share" will allow you to stay on any planet any time of the year 1.3117 0.04060 231 178 34 19
514 I am your financial planning specialist for buying futures. 1.3117 0.04013 231 177 36 18
515 All right, you two. Let’s get Sirius. 1.3116 0.04412 199 154 28 17
516 Zelda failed spelling, but on a positive note, her cursing is exemplary. 1.3116 0.04412 199 154 28 17
517 If you came to me for advice you must be in real trouble. 1.3109 0.04135 193 144 38 11
518 So you've lost the magic in your relationship? 1.3105 0.04244 190 143 35 12
519 You're probably wondering why I've summoned you. 1.3103 0.04174 203 154 35 14
520 Understand, financial planning isn’t an exact science.” 1.3103 0.03995 203 151 41 11
521 I should mention the "$9,999 Destination Jupiter" package does not include airfare. 1.3103 0.04865 174 137 20 17
522 Thank you for coming, Mr. and Mrs. Houston. I'm afraid we have a problem. 1.3102 0.04051 216 164 37 15
523 Have you thought about investing in crypto?" 1.3102 0.03998 216 163 39 14
524 I was able to make your Investment disappear. 1.3100 0.04505 200 157 24 19
525 Unfortunately, space law is pretty clear that promising the stars and the moon is legally binding. 1.3096 0.04322 197 151 31 15
526 A lot couples find they need space in their marriage 1.3096 0.04261 197 150 33 14
527 Donald Trump's attorney was here only last week 1.3093 0.04548 194 152 24 18
528 The dancing brooms are just roombas now. 1.3092 0.04172 207 158 34 15
529 So, you both agree that the magic is gone. 1.3092 0.03820 207 152 46 9
530 So I hear you've lost the magic, is that right? 1.3091 0.04910 165 129 21 15
531 Yes,the Mars vacation package is still a one way trip. 1.3088 0.04271 204 157 31 16
532 Okay maybe I'm not technically sane, but I get the feeling I'm the last one on your list sooo 1.3085 0.04079 201 151 38 12
533 I encourage you to invest in futures. 1.3081 0.04248 185 139 35 11
534 I work with the other Metaverse. 1.3081 0.04384 185 141 31 13
535 I’m not sure you understand the gravity of the situation. 1.3081 0.04243 198 151 33 14
536 You've lost the magic? 1.3077 0.04434 182 139 30 13
537 We received word your daughter wished upon a star ... we need you to sign a parent's permission slip. 1.3077 0.04162 195 147 36 12
538 We're here to talk about your son's retrogrades. 1.3074 0.03763 244 185 43 16
539 It's a classic dilemma. I can either conjure up a rich husband for your daughter or I can get her into the college of her choice, which will it be? 1.3073 0.04334 192 147 31 14
540 Cult" is such a pejorative term 1.3073 0.04343 179 135 33 11
541 Sorry, there isn't a spell that will make him put down the toilet seat. 1.3065 0.04297 186 141 33 12
542 I wore this because I thought the all-white version might disconcert you." 1.3064 0.03953 235 181 36 18
543 Here at Astrology Accountants, we like to think of 'filing taxes' as sending something into the universe and seeing what returns. 1.3062 0.03967 209 157 40 12
544 Are you interested in our 3 wish plan? 1.3061 0.04329 196 151 30 15
545 Keep in mind, our timeshare includes all three planets. 1.3061 0.04329 196 151 30 15
546 You see folks, space isn’t just for white people anymore. 1.3059 0.04003 219 167 37 15
547 After solving the mysteries of the cosmos, I thought collegiate admissions would be a good challenge. 1.3059 0.04573 170 130 28 12
548 Unlike other marriage counselors I can perform miracles. 1.3057 0.04073 229 178 32 19
549 Unfortunately, even I can't abracadabra your marriage. 1.3056 0.04322 180 136 33 11
550 I'm your doctor, lawyer, financial adviser or whatever. It depends on what hat I'm wearing today. 1.3052 0.03857 213 159 43 11
551 So, neither of you is a Leo? 1.3046 0.04570 174 134 27 13
552 Behold, as I make your money disappear and reappear in my account. 1.3046 0.04544 197 156 22 19
553 And if we happen to lose the case, I can simply make you disappear! 1.3046 0.04126 197 149 36 12
554 I' am the new science teacher....any questions ?" 1.3043 0.03865 230 175 40 15
555 Unfortunately, no amount of wizardry can help your marriage at this point. 1.3041 0.04356 194 150 29 15
556 Yes, it is a timeshare. 1.3041 0.04950 148 114 23 11
557 How far can you commute? 1.3037 0.04212 191 145 34 12
558 I can help you, but I can’t do magic. 1.3036 0.04528 168 128 29 11
559 I think you'll find that we do things a *bit* differently here at this fertility clinic. 1.3035 0.04187 201 154 33 14
560 I’m an advisor to the stars. 1.3032 0.04324 188 144 31 13
561 Where do you see yourselves five light years from now? 1.3030 0.04895 165 130 20 15
562 I am an astrologer so don't know about life on mars, you need to see an astronomer. 1.3029 0.04547 175 135 27 13
563 Our firm can make your household debt disappear. 1.3022 0.03869 225 171 40 14
564 Let me spell this out for you. 1.3022 0.04281 182 138 33 11
565 I regret to inform you that your son with the Ph.D., and whose college loan you are now paying, won't be able to pay his rent and will move back in with you. 1.3018 0.04505 169 129 29 11
566 Your son is a fine student, but Hogwarts is looking like a reach. 1.3017 0.04026 232 181 32 19
567 I hate to break this to you, but when you're couples counselor said, 'You don't need me, you need a magician!' he was being sarcastic. 1.3017 0.04677 179 141 22 16
568 To be fair, he said he'd love you to the moon and back and well, here we are. 1.3016 0.04496 189 148 25 16
569 You both asked me in private to make the other disappear. 1.3015 0.04212 199 153 32 14
570 This is not red-lining. There is a silver lining if you move far, far away. And the view is spectacular. 1.3014 0.04070 209 160 35 14
571 It’s like traditional couples counseling, but more magical. 1.3014 0.04181 209 162 31 16
572 I'm afraid we're taking this company in a new direction. 1.3013 0.04762 156 120 25 11
573 Yes, financial planning has changed quite a bit. 1.3012 0.04639 166 128 26 12
574 Legally, I can't tell you the future. 1.3011 0.04378 176 134 31 11
575 Yes, I'm certain there's a Black Hole we could name after Justice Thomas. 1.3011 0.04351 186 143 30 13
576 Like I said on the phone, I'm a financial wizard 1.3010 0.04256 196 151 31 14
577 According to my best calculations,when Mercury,Venus,Mars and Jupiter align,it will be a good time to invest 1.3010 0.04052 206 157 36 13
578 I believe I can put the magic back in your marriage. 1.3010 0.04167 206 159 32 15
579 We would be happy to book you but our earliest Saturn departure is in 2062." 1.3007 0.04456 153 114 32 7
580 Sadly, I don’t see a universe where you two stay together. 1.3006 0.04533 163 124 29 10
581 This meeting could’ve been a note attached to a ravens foot. 1.3006 0.04651 173 135 24 14
582 It's not fraud if you conjured the money out of thin air. 1.3006 0.04504 173 133 28 12
583 I know you're not happy with our overall perfomance this year, but it's not like I have a crystal ball. I can't just waive a magic wand and make the markets turn around! 1.3005 0.04032 203 154 37 12
584 Some people will tell you the secret to a good marriage isn't magic. They're wrong. 1.3000 0.04590 160 122 28 10
585 The tax credit refund from our organization is ASTRONOMICAL. 1.3000 0.04015 190 142 39 9
586 Your son, Harry, is a wizard. 1.2995 0.04358 197 154 27 16
587 I'm old school, we still believe in Pluto as a planet 1.2994 0.04282 177 134 33 10
588 I know I didn't file your taxes in time; but as i'm sure you're aware, Mercury was in retrograde. 1.2990 0.04091 194 147 36 11
589 What hat? 1.2990 0.04344 194 151 28 15
590 Your horoscopes are worrisome but if you wait a moment, I’ll remove this hat and give you my medical opinion. 1.2989 0.04482 174 134 28 12
591 What makes you think I am not the psychiatrist but a patient? 1.2985 0.04116 201 154 34 13
592 Your daughter is indeed a talented wizard. Unfortunately, she sent the entire cafeteria staff to somewhere in the Kuiper Belt and we haven't yet been able to locate them. 1.2980 0.04032 198 150 37 11
593 A lot of renters are having to look outside their target areas. 1.2979 0.04310 188 145 30 13
594 I see a clown in your future giving you crazy-ass advice. 1.2976 0.04057 205 157 35 13
595 Many couples reach a point where they feel the magic’s gone. 1.2976 0.03998 205 156 37 12
596 No, Shakespeare was wrong. The fault is in our stars. 1.2975 0.04710 158 122 25 11
597 I'm afraid your moon is in the house of bankruptcy. 1.2974 0.04073 195 148 36 11
598 Do you really want to give her the sun, the moon and the stars? 1.2973 0.04290 185 142 31 12
599 Your son simply does not have what it takes to be a professional astrologist. Has he tried his hand at Scientology? 1.2972 0.04236 212 167 27 18
600 I didn't say I was a financial wizard, I just said I was a wizard. 1.2972 0.04289 212 168 25 19
601 I’m a wizard, not a tax accountant! 1.2972 0.04289 212 168 25 19
602 As a matter of fact, yes, I did graduate from Yale. 1.2970 0.04567 165 127 27 11
603 I like you two. Let me tell you a secret... get close. You are in a cartoon, none of this is real. 1.2970 0.04804 165 130 21 14
604 You've come to the right place. I specialize in star-crossed lovers. 1.2969 0.04048 192 145 37 10
605 Believe me. My financial advice is solid - none of that hocus pocus nonsense. 1.2968 0.04772 155 120 24 11
606 If you go for the Big Bang treatment, then I'll need a deposit... 1.2963 0.04089 189 143 36 10
607 Before we start, who can say magic word?” 1.2959 0.04865 169 135 18 16
608 We actually just sell ice cream 1.2955 0.04212 176 133 34 9
609 Yes, I can make all of your problems disappear. 1.2955 0.05014 132 101 23 8
610 Your future is clear, you're paying me an astronomical figure. 1.2949 0.04657 156 120 26 10
611 I tell people I'm not a relationship wizard but they don't believe me. 1.2947 0.04138 190 145 34 11
612 Sadly, I can't just wave a magic wand to get your loan approved 1.2947 0.03844 207 156 41 10
613 I see two people who'll believe anything. 1.2946 0.03863 224 172 38 14
614 I’m a wizard. What you need is an astronomer. 1.2945 0.04346 163 123 32 8
615 Don't let the wizard outfit scare you, Im a very good heart surgeon 1.2944 0.04365 180 139 29 12
616 Black and trans? Oh, we’d love to interview your kid…unlike SOME wizarding school whose name shall not be spoken. 1.2941 0.04383 187 146 27 14
617 Did you read the fine print on the consent form? Johnny will return from the science project in 2058. 1.2941 0.04626 153 117 27 9
618 And that , in essence, is why we suggest crypto. 1.2941 0.04063 204 157 34 13
619 Your son is being ex-spelled. 1.2938 0.04558 177 139 24 14
620 If I could fix things with the wave of a wand, do you think I’d be teaching here? 1.2937 0.04637 143 108 28 7
621 We are a boutique travel agency. 1.2933 0.04781 150 116 24 10
622 It doesn't take a wizard to see that that you two need help. 1.2930 0.04971 157 125 18 14
623 We’ve determined that this is a rare case where the fault lies in the stars, not in yourselves. 1.2928 0.04414 181 141 27 13
624 What gives you the idea that I might not relate to where you’re coming from? 1.2928 0.04273 181 139 31 11
625 I approach tax accounting from a different angle. 1.2928 0.03986 222 173 33 16
626 so you want to rekindle the magic? 1.2927 0.04104 205 159 32 14
627 Your son doesn't seem to be grasping the immaterial. 1.2926 0.04491 188 149 23 16
628 The world doesn't revolve around you, Bob. 1.2926 0.04023 188 142 37 9
629 So your referral suggested me "because, because, because, because, because,... because of the wonderful things he does? 1.2926 0.04162 188 144 33 11
630 So, you're saying the magic is gone? 1.2925 0.03837 212 161 40 11
631 your relationship is not stellar, I suggest some more space. 1.2924 0.04285 171 130 32 9
632 I can defy the laws of physics, but you're still going to have to pay alimony. 1.2919 0.04548 161 124 27 10
633 We recommend that your taxes be X-filed. 1.2919 0.04284 161 121 33 7
634 « And you’re sure it was the ‘abracadabra’? » 1.2917 0.04915 144 112 22 10
635 It sounds like you're having some difficulty accepting her magical thinking. 1.2913 0.04028 206 159 34 13
636 Listen, I can’t work miracles. Your parents are still going to call. 1.2913 0.04201 206 162 28 16
637 Yes,I admit the title of grand wizard is problematic. 1.2910 0.04143 189 145 33 11
638 Today is Bring Your Inner Child to Work Day. 1.2910 0.04211 189 146 31 12
639 Here at Intergalactic Motors, we only sell Mercurys, Saturns, and Novas -- but our prices are out of this world. 1.2907 0.04645 172 136 22 14
640 His teachers feel he spends too much time in the real world. 1.2907 0.04645 172 136 22 14
641 I’ve consulted your star charts and regret to inform you that no, you will not be able to afford your own home in this lifetime. 1.2907 0.04420 172 133 28 11
642 Nobody beats the Wiz. 1.2906 0.03884 203 154 39 10
643 I can't even make my own bills disappear, let alone yours. 1.2905 0.04299 179 138 30 11
644 We have a very strict set of rules and regulations you will have to follow if you wish to run for governor here in Fla 1.2903 0.05011 155 124 17 14
645 ‘‘ So you both feel the magic has gone?’ 1.2898 0.04495 176 138 25 13
646 If you act now, I’ve gotten excellent vibes regarding real estate on Saturn. 1.2897 0.05078 145 115 18 12
647 And how is it you heard about heaven? 1.2896 0.04372 183 143 27 13
648 Well, I majored in accounting at Hogwarts, but I have a minor in the Dark Arts... 1.2893 0.04833 159 126 20 13
649 I am required to inform you that past alignments cannot predict future performance. 1.2890 0.04242 173 132 32 9
650 Financial planning is based on many realms. 1.2890 0.04398 173 134 28 11
651 You think I have a crystal ball? 1.2888 0.03955 187 141 38 8
652 Your down payment on your new home on Mars will in fact be cheaper than your current NYC rent, even when we factor in commuting expense 1.2888 0.04167 187 144 32 11
653 Well, she’s been asking me for more space. 1.2887 0.04193 194 151 30 13
654 Don’t be too upset. Kids get accidentally turned into rats here ALL the time. 1.2886 0.04497 149 113 29 7
655 Let me spell it out for you - not even my magic can save your marriage. 1.2885 0.03994 208 161 34 13
656 What did you think would happen when you promised her the stars? 1.2885 0.04456 156 119 29 8
657 I mostly try to explain Social Security supplement plans. 1.2882 0.04527 170 133 25 12
658 They say you should dress for the job you want so…ta-da! 1.2880 0.04282 184 143 29 12
659 I'm a wizard, not a magician. 1.2880 0.04105 191 147 33 11
660 It helps to know there will be pretzels. 1.2878 0.03973 205 158 35 12
661 So, you want Space in your relationship? 1.2876 0.04699 153 119 24 10
662 Really the only difficult part of my job is doorways. 1.2874 0.04503 167 130 26 11
663 Let's face it-you're not a match made in heaven. 1.2874 0.04960 167 136 14 17
664 How can we help you in derivatives today? 1.2873 0.04329 181 141 28 12
665 Should I spell it out for you? 1.2872 0.03790 188 140 42 6
666 Your son has been ex-spelled. 1.2872 0.04110 195 151 32 12
667 Past abracadabras are no guarantee of future alakazams. 1.2867 0.04925 143 112 21 10
668 Don't worry. I've charted this course before." 1.2867 0.04720 143 110 25 8
669 Unicorns? Please. This is serious business. 1.2867 0.05024 143 113 19 11
670 It's about Pluto... 1.2867 0.04855 150 118 21 11
671 My investment strategy simply put is a balanced strategy of stocks in space exploration and big pharma. 1.2866 0.04432 157 120 29 8
672 The stars tell me that you should find another financial adviser. 1.2866 0.04719 164 130 21 13
673 So, about your destination wedding plans. 1.2864 0.04051 199 154 33 12
674 Here at NASA we offer generous compensation, an excellent 401k plan… and three wishes. 1.2857 0.04729 147 114 24 9
675 You may just fit in. We’re looking for inhabitants that would like to keep the place as is. 1.2857 0.04786 140 108 24 8
676 This kind of thing happens once in a blue moon. 1.2857 0.04672 154 120 24 10
677 So, where do you see yourselves three-thousand years from now? 1.2857 0.04558 168 132 24 12
678 Guess who's not wearing any pants? 1.2857 0.04502 175 138 24 13
679 It’s always taken a bit of black magic to get admitted to this college. But these days “eye of newt” has been replaced by “pile of loot”. 1.2857 0.04185 210 167 26 17
680 I can tell you this, you don’t need a Wizard to tell you what you already know. 1.2857 0.04479 168 131 26 11
681 Clarence Thomas, I presume? Here for the luxury interstellar package from Merlin & Co.? The no extradition package is included courtesy of the DOJ. 1.2857 0.05291 133 106 16 11
682 You both want to join NASA? 1.2848 0.04451 165 128 27 10
683 It’s all about trust. 1.2848 0.04367 165 127 29 9
684 I can help you work through your problems, but putting the magic back in your marriage will cost extra. 1.2848 0.04587 158 123 25 10
685 Look, I'm not a miracle worker. 1.2848 0.04345 151 114 31 6
686 We here at the Federal Reserve... 1.2847 0.04692 144 111 25 8
687 Here we believe fashion is the final frontier. 1.2843 0.04137 197 154 30 13
688 It's casual friday -do I have to spell it out for you? 1.2833 0.04189 180 139 31 10
689 The way the stars are aligning, best I can do is amicable split with joint custody of the dogs. 1.2832 0.04304 173 134 29 10
690 No, actually it’s judges who don’t wear pants under their robes. 1.2831 0.04428 166 129 27 10
691 There are other financial planning options offered by others, but our returns run light years ahead. 1.2831 0.04589 166 131 23 12
692 I have some bad news, your health insurance is not going to cover this. 1.2830 0.04648 159 125 23 11
693 I’d like to talk to you about your son’s retrogrades. 1.2830 0.04816 159 127 19 13
694 As your financial advisor, I would like to inform you that you're FUCKED 1.2828 0.05151 145 117 15 13
695 I find your story spellbinding. 1.2828 0.04663 145 112 25 8
696 And the name of this yappy little terrier you wish would disappear? 1.2826 0.03903 184 139 38 7
697 Weather: April fourth is going to be an ARRAIGNING in New York 1.2821 0.04708 156 123 22 11
698 Sorry folks, I'm not a magician. 1.2821 0.04032 195 151 33 11
699 Unfortunately, being "star-crossed" is not a good predictor of marital happiness. 1.2819 0.04201 188 147 29 12
700 No, I'm not the kind of wizard who makes audits disappear. 1.2819 0.04575 149 115 26 8
701 And so… to conclude… our prices are out of this world! 1.2819 0.04475 149 114 28 7
702 How much space do you need? 1.2816 0.04359 174 136 27 11
703 I can put you into L-46 spiral arm 14.223.HL.6, sure. But is that really all you can afford? 1.2812 0.04953 128 99 22 7
704 We do have some spots left on Saturn’s outer ring, unfortunately the inner ring is now full after some finance guys decided to turn it all into Airbnbs. 1.2810 0.04859 153 122 19 12
705 Neither your husband nor myself are mind readers. 1.2807 0.04331 171 133 28 10
706 ‘Dress for the job you want. Not the job you have’ 1.2807 0.04410 171 134 26 11
707 I'm sorry but the prognosis is not stellar. 1.2806 0.04327 196 157 23 16
708 I'm afraid that our dream travel destinations don't, as a rule, cater to pickleballers. 1.2805 0.04457 164 128 26 10
709 I asked "What if I was the last man on earth?" and she said she wanted to know about men on other planets 1.2805 0.04286 164 126 30 8
710 I'm afraid there is no cure for Cancer. 1.2804 0.04249 189 149 27 13
711 Oddly enough, you’ve come to the right place. 1.2800 0.04183 175 135 31 9
712 I think the real issue here is you promised your wife the moon and the stars and neglected to consult with me first 1.2800 0.04261 175 136 29 10
713 Tell me again how the magic has gone out of your marriage… 1.2798 0.04381 168 131 27 10
714 We've gentrified everything else. 1.2798 0.04299 168 130 29 9
715 You're sitting on my wand. 1.2797 0.04903 143 113 20 10
716 For her final project, she disappeared into another dimension, but that did earn her an A in the course. 1.2796 0.04086 186 144 32 10
717 Frankly, it's not rocket science. 1.2795 0.04680 161 128 21 12
718 To be honest, I only got into astrology for the fashion. 1.2795 0.04424 161 125 27 9
719 We need to put the magic back in your marriage. 1.2794 0.04631 136 104 26 6
720 I'm afraid there's bad news about your Pluto portfolio. 1.2791 0.04229 172 133 30 9
721 I’m sorry, Mr. Jones, but I don’t think this is what your wife had in mind when she said that she needed more space. 1.2789 0.04358 190 152 23 15
722 It's the latest style from the Klan's Spring Collection. 1.2789 0.04806 147 116 21 10
723 Unfortunately I am not able to take the mystery out of the college admissions process. 1.2786 0.04974 140 111 19 10
724 I’ll need a $15,000 retainer to get started. Plus some nightshade and eye of newt. 1.2785 0.04655 158 125 22 11
725 How much wizardry can you afford? 1.2785 0.04567 158 124 24 10
726 I'm afraid we have run out of space. 1.2785 0.04567 158 124 24 10
727 My suit was at the dry cleaners. 1.2785 0.04741 158 126 20 12
728 I'm sorry but the stars and the moon are just not lining up for you! 1.2785 0.04387 158 122 28 8
729 We try to look at the big picture here 1.2784 0.03921 176 133 37 6
730 My Saturn and Pluto returns beat the S&P returns every year" 1.2782 0.04815 133 103 23 7
731 What sort of otherworldly experience did you have in mind? 1.2781 0.04619 151 118 24 9
732 I've got to be honest with you. This is only to get some black characters in a New Yorker cartoon; nothing more. 1.2781 0.04517 169 134 23 12
733 It’s likely that your stars are no longer aligned. Fortunately, I also do divorces. 1.2778 0.04400 162 126 27 9
734 I think maybe probably almost positively yes or no. 1.2778 0.04222 162 124 31 7
735 I’m really that good of a financial advisor 1.2775 0.04076 191 149 31 11
736 No, this is "Duncing With The Stars." "Dancing With The Stars" is across the hall. 1.2774 0.04803 155 124 19 12
737 Okay, yes, Jupiter did indeed align with Mars. But past performance is no guarantee of future results. 1.2771 0.04326 166 129 28 9
738 And we're committed to having a human baby, yes? 1.2770 0.04680 148 116 23 9
739 Dr. Oz is not in but perhaps I can help you. 1.2769 0.05124 130 103 18 9
740 I like to describe my style as down to earth. 1.2768 0.04294 177 139 27 11
741 What's your level of risk tolerance these days?" 1.2767 0.04714 159 127 20 12
742 My fees, unlike my advice, will be astronomical. 1.2764 0.03960 199 155 33 11
743 There’s talk about replacing me with a Magic Eight Ball. 1.2763 0.04868 152 122 18 12
744 You must be desperate to be here. 1.2763 0.04592 152 119 24 9
745 Yes, Mr. Davis, we can provide you with a wizard's hat, but I'm afraid that a French beret is the only style suitable for Mrs. Davis. 1.2761 0.05013 134 106 19 9
746 No, I'm not changing out of the robe. Now let's take a look at your taxes. 1.2761 0.04546 163 129 23 11
747 Of course I do research when I manage your investments, and I can promise you the stars. 1.2756 0.04508 156 122 25 9
748 Your son won't stay in orbit. 1.2754 0.04468 167 132 24 11
749 It's time to take the next step in your retirement projections. 1.2754 0.04132 167 128 32 7
750 You have to make your own magic. 1.2754 0.04573 138 106 26 6
751 Rest assured. We have tax preparation down to a pseudoscience. 1.2754 0.04573 138 106 26 6
752 To be perfectly honest, the only thing I can predict with certainty is that one of these days you’re both going to die. 1.2753 0.04419 178 142 23 13
753 I got locked out of my apartment getting the paper in my underwear and I live above a costume store. Now can we please talk mortgages." 1.2753 0.04272 178 140 27 11
754 It's obvious that your marriage was not made in heaven. 1.2752 0.04349 149 114 29 6
755 I can help you with the death part, but not the taxes. 1.2752 0.04652 149 117 23 9
756 I'm afraid your child can't spell. 1.2751 0.04099 189 148 30 11
757 In this line of work, you can't just DRESS the part. You have to deliver. 1.2750 0.04517 160 126 24 10
758 I would like to appeal your case to a higher plane of existence. 1.2750 0.04248 160 123 30 7
759 Those are my diplomas. 1.2750 0.04248 160 123 30 7
760 Tuition is astronomical. 1.2749 0.04546 171 137 21 13
761 We are on the verge of a Taurus market." 1.2749 0.04151 171 132 31 8
762 What can I help you with via magical thinking? 1.2746 0.04703 142 111 23 8
763 Have you seen my stapler? 1.2746 0.04808 142 112 21 9
764 So, what brings you in to my orbit? 1.2746 0.04486 142 109 27 6
765 So you are saying this "wizard" is with you in this room right now? 1.2746 0.03971 193 150 33 10
766 Your son has started mooning other students. 1.2744 0.04438 164 129 25 10
767 Our most popular plan is called "Ordinary Magic". Included are 2 wands, 3 incantations and full DIY instructions. 1.2744 0.04178 164 126 31 7
768 I'm sorry, but as principal it's my job to tell you that your son has disappeared 1.2743 0.04320 175 138 26 11
769 Actually, I don’t think your faults are in your stars. 1.2743 0.04543 175 141 20 14
770 Here at Emerald City we know there’s no place like home, which is why our time shares come with complimentary Ruby Slippers. 1.2741 0.05090 135 108 17 10
771 And that’s why J.K. Rowling doesn’t work here anymore. Any questions? 1.2741 0.05090 135 108 17 10
772 With new information coming in every day from the James Webb SpaceTelescope, we’re rethinking the old “Men are from Mars” trope. 1.2740 0.04910 146 117 18 11
773 So, you ignored the stars, Tarot Cards, Zodiac Signs and your mothers' pleas and you want me to help? 1.2734 0.05048 128 101 19 8
774 To get the old magic back into a relationship, I usually start by turning the husband into a frog. 1.2734 0.04768 139 109 22 8
775 You don't have to be a wiz to understand universal insurance, but it helps. 1.2734 0.04768 139 109 22 8
776 Well yes, sorcery is my birthright but sound financial planning is my passion. 1.2733 0.04427 150 116 27 7
777 Actual psychology didn't work at your last counseling session, so lets try something outside the box, shall we? 1.2733 0.04316 161 125 28 8
778 I’m afraid your son created a wormhole during recess, and now half the class is missing. 1.2733 0.04597 172 139 19 14
779 Let’s talk retirement destinations. 1.2732 0.04039 183 142 32 9
780 A software program can find deductions and credits, but only by accounting wizardry can you create them. 1.2727 0.04145 176 137 30 9
781 This isn’t rocket science. 1.2727 0.05168 132 106 16 10
782 It's just that wearing white before May makes you look ridiculous. 1.2727 0.04232 143 108 31 4
783 You'll love the Magical Mystery Tour Timeshare. It's out of this world. 1.2727 0.04330 165 129 27 9
784 Actually, it's magic that any marriages work 1.2727 0.04568 143 111 25 7
785 Will you be willing to complete a three minute survey if you make it back? 1.2722 0.04367 158 123 27 8
786 So you say the magic is gone? 1.2722 0.04178 158 121 31 6
787 ...But we may have room for her in one of our satellite schools! 1.2722 0.04273 158 122 29 7
788 It's down to the two of you for the apprenticeship. 1.2722 0.04080 158 120 33 5
789 Madoff, you say? 1.2722 0.04273 158 122 29 7
790 I am not just a financial advisor. I am also a fiduciary. 1.2721 0.04784 147 117 20 10
791 I see a bad moon rising. 1.2721 0.04947 136 108 19 9
792 Why do people coming in here think I can fix them with the wave of a magic wand? 1.2717 0.04093 184 144 30 10
793 I get that a lot, actually. I’m his brother, Mycroft Dumbledore. 1.2717 0.04165 184 145 28 11
794 Our travel package is out of this world! 1.2716 0.04292 162 126 28 8
795 I'm not as Jung as I used to be. 1.2716 0.04202 162 125 30 7
796 You should be able to see from my outfit that I'm an astrologer, not an astronomer 1.2716 0.04202 162 125 30 7
797 Yes I can fly you to Mars but you’ll have to sit next to Elon Musk and for most, that’s a deal-breaker 1.2716 0.04552 162 129 22 11
798 Yes, I am the star dunce, as you can plainly see 1.2715 0.04597 151 119 23 9
799 This isn't rocket science...it's rocket magic. 1.2714 0.04950 140 112 18 10
800 Have you tried saying the magic words? 1.2713 0.03961 188 146 33 9
801 No, I can't make your son's failing grade in Algebra " disappear". 1.2710 0.04513 155 122 24 9
802 Your credit is excellent. But the bank can't approve your mortgage unless Jupiter aligns with Mars 1.2708 0.03974 192 150 32 10
803 I'll start by saying astrological financial planning isn't an exact science... 1.2708 0.04749 144 114 21 9
804 Our main mode of transportation is mushrooms. 1.2707 0.04136 181 142 29 10
805 You'd think I could just wave a magic wand and make this all disappear. 1.2706 0.04236 170 133 28 9
806 First off, I'm legally required to say that I can't actually perform magic. 1.2704 0.04250 159 123 29 7
807 You may be familiar with my work on fortune cookies. 1.2701 0.04168 174 136 29 9
808 I don’t just have employees; I have a magic staff. 1.2701 0.04006 174 134 33 7
809 Let me save you years of couples counseling--the magic is gone. 1.2701 0.04691 137 107 23 7
810 I’m afraid none of our previous travelers are available. 1.2697 0.04570 152 120 23 9
811 You will depart from Platform 9 3/4 1.2697 0.04474 152 119 25 8
812 Well, I am a visionary who can tell your future...or a clown for your kid's party. How much money you got? 1.2697 0.04180 178 140 28 10
813 So one of you will have to pick a different birth month. 1.2697 0.04180 178 140 28 10
814 Your son is failing geography. 1.2697 0.04474 178 144 20 14
815 Sorry. I don't know any black magic. 1.2695 0.04919 141 113 18 10
816 [Best without a caption.] 1.2695 0.04919 141 113 18 10
817 Of course we can’t predict the rate of return on your investments but we’re trying really hard to get you to believe we can. 1.2695 0.04488 141 109 26 6
818 Have you tried moving in different orbits? 1.2692 0.03888 182 140 35 7
819 Your loan denial has nothing to do with race. It’s just not in the stars. 1.2690 0.04617 145 114 23 8
820 Here at Cosmic Despair, we offer an alternative to thoughts and prayers. 1.2690 0.04720 145 115 21 9
821 No, I can't magically accept your application. 1.2690 0.04720 145 115 21 9
822 it seems you have not even TRIED embracing our new corporate identity. 1.2689 0.05686 119 98 10 11
823 Do you want to go to the same planet at the same time? 1.2688 0.04226 160 124 29 7
824 Hush now, don’t you worry. I’ve been in the business a long time, and I can get you a hat just as pointy as mine. Maybe even pointier! 1.2687 0.05099 134 108 16 10
825 No can do. I literally just fired Pluto 16 years ago. 1.2680 0.04729 153 123 19 11
826 I said that I felt like we had lost the magic and needed space, she told me ‘I know just the guy’ 1.2680 0.04637 153 122 21 10
827 We're here because our usual CPA said she was not a magician. 1.2679 0.04261 168 132 27 9
828 Frankly, I myself have changed due to psychedelic therapy." 1.2676 0.04460 142 110 26 6
829 I don't take bitcoin. 1.2675 0.04275 157 122 28 7
830 My financial forecasting services may appear a bit unique, but rest assured your life savings are in good hands with me. 1.2674 0.04111 172 134 30 8
831 Your son thinks everything revolves around him. 1.2674 0.03942 172 132 34 6
832 In hindsight my parents were right about sociology 1.2672 0.04575 131 101 25 5
833 If you sign up now, we'll include a free crystal ball. 1.2671 0.04157 146 111 31 4
834 Obviously, Mars is not aligned with Venus. 1.2671 0.04485 146 114 25 7
835 Unfortunately, your son has been caught cursing in class again. 1.2671 0.04485 146 114 25 7
836 Then peace will guide the planets, and GM and Coke will steer the market." 1.2671 0.04472 161 128 23 10
837 How fussy are you about breathing sulfur? 1.2671 0.04472 161 128 23 10
838 Here at Zodiac Financial Advisors, we have a slightly different investment philosophy. 1.2671 0.04472 161 128 23 10
839 Your investments are safe with me. 1.2667 0.04403 150 117 26 7
840 Yes, that all makes perfect sense, but my magical thinking prevents me from agreeing with you. 1.2667 0.04045 165 127 32 6
841 I’d suggest putting your cash under your mattress. 1.2667 0.04841 135 107 20 8
842 As your Financial Wizard, I strongly advise... 1.2667 0.04504 150 118 24 8
843 We offer the same education at half the price of Hogwarts. 1.2663 0.04155 169 132 29 8
844 I did warn you, when I presented you my draft of your prenup, that Virgos and Capricorns are incompatible? 1.2662 0.04852 139 111 19 9
845 Unfortunately, I'm just a wizard. You need a miracle. 1.2659 0.04406 173 139 22 12
846 Travel to Venus requires vaccination! 1.2659 0.04171 173 136 28 9
847 And then they said Pluto couldn't be a planet anymore, so you can see why I desperately need these grant funds. 1.2658 0.04702 158 128 18 12
848 I understand your skepticism, but this is not rocket science. 1.2658 0.04345 158 124 26 8
849 Let's face it...you're here because the magic is gone from the marriage. 1.2657 0.04086 143 108 32 3
850 Then I sprinkle on a little fairy dust and...Presto!...You're taxes are done! 1.2656 0.04225 192 155 23 14
851 Mars is entering retrograde. Sell, sell, sell! 1.2656 0.04769 128 100 22 6
852 We appreciate your interest. 1.2654 0.04271 162 127 27 8
853 As a charter school, we are free to develop our own STEM curricula. 1.2653 0.04761 147 118 19 10
854 That’s not a problem, I can make it disappear. 1.2652 0.05028 132 106 17 9
855 You need to give each other space. 1.2651 0.04535 166 134 20 12
856 Yes, your deposits are safe. Our investment strategies are based on the soundest principles. 1.2649 0.04575 151 120 22 9
857 Let's try this today. Therapy only goes so far. 1.2649 0.04575 151 120 22 9
858 You should see my shower curtain. 1.2649 0.04378 151 118 26 7
859 This is no longer a hex. Now you’re dealing full-blown curse. 1.2649 0.04199 185 148 25 12
860 To begin with, financial planning isn't a science... 1.2649 0.03984 185 145 31 9
861 We'd like to see a little more focus on the hocus pocus. 1.2647 0.04695 136 107 22 7
862 I am just not sure what else I would wear on casual Fridays 1.2647 0.05031 136 110 16 10
863 Your son is doing wonderfully here at the Academy of Magic. It's his rabbit that has us concerned. 1.2643 0.04713 140 111 21 8
864 I assure you that I'm not that kind of 'Grand Wizard.' 1.2642 0.04501 159 127 22 10
865 Make like Saturn and put a ring on it, Kevin. 1.2642 0.04501 159 127 22 10
866 I recommend space for all my couples” 1.2642 0.04035 159 122 32 5
867 What I’m trying to tell you is, men go to Mars, and women go to Venus 1.2642 0.04759 159 130 16 13
868 I’m sorry, what funny hat? 1.2640 0.05098 125 100 17 8
869 Let me get right to the point... 1.2640 0.04970 125 99 19 7
870 I have been appointed by the school board to make sure that our students do not get upset by the material being taught. 1.2639 0.05120 144 119 12 13
871 Here at "Stars-R-Us" our excursions may be astronomically expensive, but the experience is out of this world! 1.2639 0.04926 144 117 16 11
872 DeSantis ran the magic out of Disneyland, and NASA was hiring, so.. 1.2638 0.04423 163 130 23 10
873 Yes. I did go to Hogwarts and no. I don't know him. 1.2638 0.04336 163 129 25 9
874 Your son is behind in all his classes, but, in fairness, mercury is in retrograde. 1.2638 0.04508 163 131 21 11
875 I understand the other student started it, but turning him into a cockroach and stepping on him is still not an acceptable response. 1.2638 0.04336 163 129 25 9
876 Why do you laugh when I tell you that our bank adheres only to the most accepted time proven financial principles? 1.2636 0.04736 129 101 22 6
877 This marriage was not made in heaven. 1.2636 0.04862 129 102 20 7
878 I think you need to be more realistic.... 1.2635 0.04534 148 117 23 8
879 I understand your desire to buy a house in that neighborhood. But I’m a wizard, not a magician. 1.2635 0.04829 148 120 17 11
880 . . . and of course, that is why we call it 'magical thinking'. 1.2635 0.04348 167 133 24 10
881 Look, I'm considered to be a wizard at finding affordable housing in LA, but let's be realistic." 1.2635 0.04091 167 130 30 7
882 There are also no state taxes there. 1.2632 0.04548 152 121 22 9
883 It's like money. But it's magic money. 1.2632 0.04515 133 103 25 5
884 Do you realize how many parents think their kid is the next Harry Potter? 1.2632 0.04195 171 135 27 9
885 In spite of your hatred for one another,my charts say you are a perfect match so either one of you is lying about your birth date or babies were switched at the hospital. In either case,you don’t get your money back. 1.2632 0.05004 152 126 12 14
886 I’m afraid that an early retirement just isn’t in the stars for you. 1.2632 0.04387 133 102 27 4
887 Please, no jokes about Uranus. 1.2632 0.04041 152 116 32 4
888 I've looked over both of your horoscopes, and I'm afraid that I have some bad news. 1.2628 0.04277 156 122 27 7
889 OK folks, you're here because you say you are mystified by your late fee. 1.2628 0.04277 156 122 27 7
890 Please understand that future performance does not guarantee eternal performance. 1.2628 0.04889 137 110 18 9
891 And now I will take you on the mystical journey that is your 1040 tax return form.” 1.2626 0.03998 198 158 28 12
892 I was tired of being told my fees are astronomical. 1.2625 0.04476 160 128 22 10
893 I'll admit, our approach to investing is somewhat unusual, but our returns are out of this world. 1.2625 0.04563 160 129 20 11
894 Remember the 3 things that matter most in property: location, location, location 1.2625 0.04476 160 128 22 10
895 No, it’s not a dunce cap. 1.2623 0.05047 122 97 18 7
896 Unfortunately your wife is right about that in every universe 1.2623 0.04911 122 96 20 6
897 Sorry, I don't do misfortunes. 1.2622 0.04483 164 132 21 11
898 To the moon and back is not an option. 1.2622 0.04136 164 128 29 7
899 Our investing strategies follow the idea that the stock market is “Astrology for men”” 1.2622 0.04399 164 131 23 10
900 It’s not just a timeshare, it’s a lifestyle.” 1.2619 0.04805 126 99 21 6
901 Yes it will take some other worldly magic in order for you to retire. 1.2619 0.04242 168 133 26 9
902 You're wondering where your taxes are... 1.2619 0.04070 168 131 30 7
903 Maybe Hogwarts isn't the best choice for your daughter. 1.2617 0.04507 149 118 23 8
904 Don't let the dunce cap fool you. 1.2617 0.04194 149 115 29 5
905 Granting you marital bliss will be a cosmic task. 1.2617 0.04606 149 119 21 9
906 I understand you feel that the magic is gone... 1.2615 0.04704 130 102 22 6
907 I'm not actually a wizard. I just forgot to do my laundry last week. 1.2612 0.04486 134 104 25 5
908 What brings you into my Orbit today? 1.2612 0.04486 134 104 25 5
909 Here at Magical Thinking Incorporated, we try to make everything better without changing anything” 1.2612 0.04486 134 104 25 5
910 Past performance is no guarantee of future results. 1.2611 0.04155 157 122 29 6
911 This this the hardest part of my job: your son just isn't wizard material. 1.2611 0.04348 157 124 25 8
912 Ironically no, futures are not our specialty. 1.2611 0.03889 180 140 33 7
913 Regretfully, we must ex-spell your son.” 1.2609 0.04623 161 131 18 12
914 As your marriage counselor, my best advice is to open up your heart and let the sunshine in, let it shine on in. 1.2609 0.04965 138 112 16 10
915 Wait, I thought you summoned me here 1.2606 0.04375 165 132 23 10
916 You will soon incur a substantial expense! 1.2606 0.04545 142 112 23 7
917 Fly him to the moon 1.2606 0.05065 142 117 13 12
918 I'm afraid that you are star crossed. 1.2606 0.04965 142 116 15 11
919 I'm afraid that your problems are insufficiently cosmic. 1.2606 0.04654 142 113 21 8
920 Tell me about why you’d like to adopt a planet. 1.2606 0.04545 142 112 23 7
921 What's it gonna take to get you into a car today? 1.2605 0.05128 119 95 17 7
922 For miracles our fee is astronomical 1.2604 0.04463 169 137 20 12
923 In retrospect, labeling myself as “Grand Wizard” was a regrettable error. 1.2604 0.04463 169 137 20 12
924 Honestly, your son is a bit of a weirdo. 1.2603 0.04767 146 118 18 10
925 And that’s how I won the Nobel Prize in Economics 1.2603 0.04565 146 116 22 8
926 I suggest a more down to earth approach given your difficulties. 1.2603 0.04460 146 115 24 7
927 You know, when I began my work in space tourism, I was worried people wouldn't take me seriously. 1.2602 0.05142 123 99 16 8
928 My pronoun. is WIZ 1.2598 0.04501 127 98 25 4
929 Thanks to an app called 'Spell-check', I never had a curse of mine backfire." 1.2597 0.04302 154 121 26 7
930 Sadly, your portfolio doesn't include the future" 1.2597 0.04100 154 119 30 5
931 And they said I'm in-network? 1.2595 0.04415 158 126 23 9
932 Affordable housing that is not light years away from work. I'm a wizard, not a magician! 1.2595 0.04323 158 125 25 8
933 I assure you, “legal wizard” is an actual thing. 1.2595 0.04323 158 125 25 8
934 My predictions tend to be more favorable if you sign up as a premium member. 1.2593 0.04159 162 127 28 7
935 Hogwarts is a fictional school, unlike ours. 1.2593 0.04698 135 107 21 7
936 And if you get the Intergalactic Membership, you'll have access to timeshare units on any planet you want! 1.2593 0.04579 135 106 23 6
937 I’m sorry, I can’t cure IBS either. 1.2593 0.04698 135 107 21 7
938 Planetary real estate’s the next boom. The opportunities are endless. 1.2593 0.04698 135 107 21 7
939 It’s $950,000 or 2000 frequent flyer light years per round-trip ticket - you are allowed 2 carry-ons. 1.2593 0.04250 162 128 26 8
940 Congratulations. It might seem expensive, but you'll be the first residents of a minority planet. 1.2590 0.04933 139 113 16 10
941 Welcome, folks! I’m your loan officer. 1.2590 0.04933 139 113 16 10
942 Despite our best efforts, your little lad refuses to have his head in the clouds. 1.2587 0.04517 143 113 23 7
943 I gave up computers: they are just too unreliable 1.2586 0.04761 116 90 22 4
944 Merlin Vacations doesn’t provide brochures, but we do provide telescopes. 1.2585 0.04835 147 120 16 11
945 I get that a lot. But, no, I'm ALVIN Dumbledore. 1.2585 0.04218 147 114 28 5
946 I assure you, I'm one of the top scienticianists in my field. Have you even noticed my hat? 1.2583 0.04659 120 93 23 4
947 Here at Wizard Vacations, clients find our timesshares magical precisely because they’re so remote. 1.2583 0.04454 151 120 23 8
948 Sorry, but your child was not accepted to Hogwarts. 1.2581 0.04742 155 127 16 12
949 Between flat earthers,horoscopes,cosmology,and cosmetology,I just kind of gave up. 1.2581 0.04374 155 123 24 8
950 You will see it when you believe it. 1.2581 0.05231 124 101 14 9
951 I'm sitting here then one day I said, you know what..... why not be a Wizard. 1.2581 0.04841 124 98 20 6
952 If you don't see a meteor, you get a 10% refund. 1.2581 0.04077 155 120 30 5
953 As I told you before there's risk involved with any investment. 1.2579 0.04480 159 128 21 10
954 I'm afraid that when Pluto was declassified as a planet you lost most of your nest egg. 1.2578 0.05348 128 106 11 11
955 We're rebranding. 1.2578 0.04866 128 102 19 7
956 Welcome! Now how can I help you with your investments? 1.2577 0.04227 163 129 26 8
957 Think of estate planning as the final frontier. 1.2576 0.04641 132 104 22 6
958 Absolutely,your investment returns are out of this world. 1.2576 0.04641 132 104 22 6
959 I see a long trip in your future. 1.2575 0.04649 167 138 15 14
960 Yes, I'm a financial wizard, but I can't promise you the moon. 1.2571 0.04576 140 111 22 7
961 Honest...The answer is written in the stars. 1.2571 0.03947 175 137 31 7
962 Yes, we do have cremation options as well. Your mother was made of stardust and to stardust she shall return. 1.2571 0.04795 140 113 18 9
963 As it turns out, I was mistaken, the IRS will not accept "mercury in retrograde" as a deduction. 1.2566 0.04428 152 121 23 8
964 So, you want to be all moved into your new planet by Nov 2024? 1.2566 0.04428 152 121 23 8
965 Actually, the financial wizard is down the hall. 1.2566 0.04805 152 125 15 12
966 I fancy myself more as a wizard slash divorce lawyer. 1.2566 0.04328 152 120 25 7
967 Tax preparation is an arcane art. 1.2564 0.04444 156 125 22 9
968 The problem is you’re from Mars and she’s from Venus 1.2564 0.04349 156 124 24 8
969 However, the signs say WE could be quite compatible. 1.2564 0.05450 117 96 12 9
970 I can understand needing a little space. 1.2564 0.05028 117 93 18 6
971 You have to understand, as a school principal I wear many different hats 1.2564 0.05028 117 93 18 6
972 When the moon is in the 7th house, short all your Apple holdings. 1.2563 0.04543 160 130 19 11
973 What? You think all I have to do is wave a magic wand? 1.2563 0.04455 160 129 21 10
974 If you prefer - my apprentice’s rates are lower. 1.2562 0.05186 121 98 15 8
975 Sorry, in your price range, nothing inside the Sarurn orbit, and even that will take a miracle. 1.2562 0.05052 121 97 17 7
976 You don’t qualify for a loan here on earth, but Mars, no problem. 1.2562 0.04771 121 95 21 5
977 I'm sorry, but your daughter is just too down to earth for this school. 1.2561 0.04378 164 132 22 10
978 I prepare your taxes using a higher authority than the IRS. 1.2560 0.04136 168 133 27 8
979 Well there is a difference between wizard and smart. 1.2560 0.04387 168 136 21 11
980 I assure you that all your investments are safe in my hands. 1.2560 0.04221 168 134 25 9
981 Yes, I am a Certified Financial Planner 1.2560 0.04387 168 136 21 11
982 Welcome to Planets "R" us 1.2556 0.04610 133 105 22 6
983 Of Wall Street” is not merely a boast, it’s also my legal last name 1.2556 0.04610 133 105 22 6
984 We just do time travel. Race relations is out of our league. 1.2555 0.04751 137 110 19 8
985 So, as I understand it, you feel that the magic is gone from your relationship. Is that correct? 1.2555 0.04637 137 109 21 7
986 It's not just your daughter's presence in class. We need her to be visible. 1.2552 0.04671 145 117 19 9
987 What brings you to NASA? 1.2552 0.04567 145 116 21 8
988 So she's from Venus and you're from Mars. 1.2552 0.04567 145 116 21 8
989 We specialize in partnership taxation, estate planning, and children’s birthday parties. 1.2552 0.04353 145 114 25 6
990 We want you to have a "feeling we're not in Kansas anymore moment" 1.2550 0.04680 149 121 18 10
991 Please don't call it a dunce cap. 1.2550 0.04680 149 121 18 10
992 The fault, dear folk, is not in yourselves but in your stars. 1.2549 0.04498 153 123 21 9
993 No, we don't use wands anymore. That's very archaic tech. 1.2547 0.04342 161 129 23 9
994 As you can see on the wall behind me, I have not a degree of lunacy, but three 1.2545 0.04439 165 134 20 11
995 Sure, I can get your daughter into that college. With a wave of my wand, she’ll be a rower. 1.2545 0.05074 110 87 18 5
996 I’m glad we can finally sit down and talk about Uranus. 1.2545 0.04181 165 131 26 8
997 Your investment goals will materialize in time 1.2544 0.04199 169 135 25 9
998 As Wall Street's most famous & most respected financial astrologer, I can assure you that Mercury in Retrograde while the Full Moon is in Gemini does NOT mean that you should do massive short-selling like there's no tomorrow. 1.2542 0.04298 177 144 21 12
999 Then Darth is like, 'I've got a secret,' and Luke is all, 'oh yeah?' and Darth goes, 'guess who your dad is,' and Luke says, 'Yoda?' and Darth is like, 'guess again.' 1.2540 0.04904 126 101 18 7
1000 I could see how you might have some lingering concerns, but I swear on the grave of Robert E. Lee, the new Rainbow Klan is committed to the ideals of Diversity, Equity and Inclusion. 1.2540 0.04772 126 100 20 6
1001 And our company prides itself on being down to earth." 1.2538 0.04411 130 101 25 4
1002 I know our packages seems a little far out, but I guarantee you that we're down to Earth when it comes down to costs. 1.2536 0.04939 138 113 15 10
1003 Where do you see yourself in a thousand years? 1.2535 0.04518 142 113 22 7
1004 Tax preparation is my side job. The rest of the year I'm a wizard. 1.2535 0.04734 142 115 18 9
1005 No no, the Voodoo economist is down the hall. 1.2535 0.04838 142 116 16 10
1006 Yes, black holes matter. 1.2534 0.04539 146 117 21 8
1007 Your son's spelling could use some work. 1.2534 0.04216 146 114 27 5
1008 Here’s my fresh take. You’re Mars, she’s Venus. 1.2533 0.04456 150 120 22 8
1009 You should know that I graduated from Hogwarts at the top of my class. 1.2532 0.04376 154 123 23 8
1010 Unfortunately your son's been ex-spelled." 1.2532 0.04393 158 127 22 9
1011 Our real estate options are out of this world 1.2531 0.04043 162 127 29 6
1012 Now let me tell you why it is a great time to invest in mysto-currency. 1.2530 0.03979 166 130 30 6
1013 I’m sorry you feel that way, but did you really think the tuition would be anything other than astronomical? 1.2529 0.04340 170 138 21 11
1014 Local banks are failing so we need to go outside our solar system. 1.2522 0.04916 115 91 19 5
1015 It worked for Nancy Reagan. 1.2521 0.04952 119 95 18 6
1016 It’s not so much that I’ve lost your money, it’s that I’ve misplaced my magic wand. 1.2520 0.04739 127 101 20 6
1017 The hat is just for show 1.2520 0.04739 127 101 20 6
1018 We have a great vacation trip to Kansas. 1.2520 0.04996 127 103 16 8
1019 It brightens the office atmosphere. 1.2519 0.04513 131 103 23 5
1020 Yes, indeed, astrology is a science as noble as cosmology and as precise as cosmetology. 1.2519 0.04888 131 106 17 8
1021 As your Certified Public Astrologist, I can offer tax advice that mocks both time and space. 1.2519 0.04299 135 105 26 4
1022 Witch is a strong word... 1.2517 0.04598 143 115 20 8
1023 All the trips to Oz are overbooked, but we do have some openings for the Narnia tour. 1.2517 0.04598 143 115 20 8
1024 Now is an auspicious time to start a business, but beware the advice of a charlatan. 1.2517 0.04808 143 117 16 10
1025 I'm afraid my fee is astronomical. 1.2517 0.04148 143 111 28 4
1026 Look, I'm a financial wizard, not a miracle worker." 1.2517 0.04490 143 114 22 7
1027 Remember —I’m a scientist, not a magician. 1.2517 0.04407 147 117 23 7
1028 It will take a wizard to solve your marital problems. 1.2517 0.04190 147 115 27 5
1029 Yes,I am a Professor of Astronomy but I find I get more interest from people when I dress like this. 1.2517 0.04300 147 116 25 6
1030 I never wanted to be a wizard, I always wanted to be a software developer. 1.2517 0.04528 151 122 20 9
1031 So,you want a no fault divorce? What’s the magic word? 1.2517 0.04429 151 121 22 8
1032 The retirement plan I recommend to my clients, and you may recognize the basic outline here, is called 'magical thinking.' 1.2515 0.04551 163 134 17 12
1033 Well, astrologically speaking, your marriage is kaput. 1.2515 0.04381 163 132 21 10
1034 And just like that,your student load debt has been canceled. 1.2515 0.03866 167 130 32 5
1035 Your son is more of a space cadet than a wizard, I'm afraid. 1.2500 0.04994 112 89 18 5
1036 I'm sorry, we don't offer trip insurance on faster than light speed, or interdimensional cruises. 1.2500 0.04403 152 122 22 8
1037 Our portfolio returns are, dare I say, stellar. 1.2500 0.04960 128 104 16 8
1038 I can't help your marriage, I'm a wizard, not a magician. 1.2500 0.04675 144 117 18 9
1039 I’m afraid therapy would be a waste of time. You see, Venus was in retrograde when you guys met. 1.2500 0.04352 144 114 24 6
1040 No, I don't believe in horoscopes. Why do you ask? 1.2500 0.04442 164 134 19 11
1041 Have you thought about wearing a hat to hide your bald spot? 1.2500 0.04586 148 120 19 9
1042 I think that you'll find that I'm very down-to-earth. 1.2500 0.04915 120 96 18 6
1043 Sorry we can't offer your son a basketball scholarship... does he play Quidditch? 1.2500 0.04501 152 123 20 9
1044 My advice is to give each other some space. 1.2500 0.04029 156 122 29 5
1045 Financial markets are inherently unpredictable. 1.2500 0.04123 144 112 28 4
1046 We've ran all the tests. An Aries rising and a Capricorn moon are not destined to run a coffee shop together 1.2500 0.04854 132 107 17 8
1047 Let’s keep this real, shall we… 1.2500 0.04397 136 107 24 5
1048 Hearts & Courage we got, but there's a shortage of brains lately. 1.2500 0.04994 112 89 18 5
1049 I have no idea. 1.2500 0.04381 148 118 23 7
1050 They told us it would take a magician to save our marriage. 1.2500 0.04979 140 116 13 11
1051 Yes, your son took our interplanetary tour. However, because he chose to travel with checked baggage, we have no idea where he is. 1.2500 0.04484 148 119 21 8
1052 the magician's council apologizes but Presto the magnificent made your son disappear. 1.2500 0.05192 120 98 14 8
1053 You need more than a wizard. You need a miracle! 1.2500 0.04879 116 92 19 5
1054 Do you want to fly business class? 1.2500 0.04807 124 99 19 6
1055 Even I can't get you front row tickets to Taylor Swift! 1.2500 0.04854 132 107 17 8
1056 How did you guess I was interested in astrology? 1.2485 0.04093 169 135 26 8
1057 I'm sorry for your losses, but I never said I was a financial wizard! 1.2484 0.04487 157 128 19 10
1058 Yes, I am the Dumbledore Chair for the combined Astronomy / Astrology program here at the university. 1.2483 0.04558 149 121 19 9
1059 I can't help you with your sex life. I'm a wizard, not a fairy godmother. 1.2482 0.04630 141 114 19 8
1060 ...and my fees aren't astronomical. 1.2482 0.04369 137 108 24 5
1061 The fault really does lie in you. 1.2482 0.04490 137 109 22 6
1062 When the moon is in the seventh house… 1.2482 0.04608 137 110 20 7
1063 Your chart suggests you could easily fix dinner more often. 1.2481 0.05052 133 110 13 10
1064 Our vessels use "wand power"...so a minimum of discomfort and you are there before you can say "Hocus Pocus" 1.2481 0.04702 133 107 19 7
1065 About your investment, there's good news and bad news. The good news, I'm a financial wizard; the bad news, my spell with your portfolio wasn't successful. 1.2481 0.04821 133 108 17 8
1066 You can't expect these things to work like magic. 1.2481 0.04801 129 104 18 7
1067 You each need more space. 1.2481 0.04673 129 103 20 6
1068 A rather normal suburban upbringing, why do you ask? 1.2480 0.05163 125 103 13 9
1069 What will it take to get you two into a brand new two-seater time machine today? 1.2480 0.04906 125 101 17 7
1070 So the magic has gone out of your marriage? 1.2480 0.04773 125 100 19 6
1071 Your child needs extra help in spelling. 1.2480 0.04773 125 100 19 6
1072 Now, about putting some magic back into the old marriage... 1.2480 0.04906 125 101 17 7
1073 It’s hopeless. You’re Gryffindor and she’s Slytherin. 1.2479 0.05153 121 99 14 8
1074 Bring me the broomstick. 1.2479 0.04879 121 97 18 6
1075 That was the old IRS. I already know your future." 1.2479 0.05137 117 95 15 7
1076 It's simple. Conquer the galaxy, get the hat. 1.2468 0.04370 158 128 21 9
1077 Yes, those actually are the views from my windows. Why? 1.2468 0.04277 158 127 23 8
1078 What I’m hearing is there’s no magic in the bedroom anymore, and you’ve come to me to fix that. 1.2468 0.04152 154 122 26 6
1079 This is how I see it: Men are from 14 Andromedae b, women are from 51 Pegasi b. 1.2467 0.04530 150 122 19 9
1080 A lot of people seem to think what I do is all Hocus-Pocus. 1.2466 0.04407 146 117 22 7
1081 Even I can't restore the magic. 1.2465 0.04490 142 114 21 7
1082 Is everything okay at home? Josh just seems a little spacey in class lately. 1.2465 0.04378 142 113 23 6
1083 Moonshot Travel’s executive package includes scented oxygen resupplies to your cabin, radiation shields, afternoon powdered tea, individualized urine recyclers, and a 100% outbound guarantee. 1.2465 0.04600 142 115 19 8
1084 I mean, I'm no rocket scientist... 1.2465 0.04378 142 113 23 6
1085 You are from Mars and he is from Venus; I have never come across this before . 1.2464 0.04578 138 111 20 7
1086 I'm afraid your marriage is in retrograde. 1.2464 0.04341 138 109 24 5
1087 I'll do what I can, but I'm going through a rough spell. 1.2463 0.04295 134 105 25 4
1088 It’s a lot cheaper if you go during the offseason. 1.2462 0.04768 130 105 18 7
1089 Believe me, I've tried every spell in the book with your kid. 1.2462 0.04768 130 105 18 7
1090 Nothing to worry about, we're taking the Klan in a whole new direction. 1.2459 0.05115 122 100 14 8
1091 I'm sort of a last resort for couples to find magic in the universe. 1.2459 0.04843 122 98 18 6
1092 Now, about that 'Equality' myth here in Florida... 1.2458 0.04953 118 95 17 6
1093 Why yes, it is cashmere. 1.2458 0.05374 118 98 11 9
1094 So how long has your marriage been missing that "magic?" 1.2456 0.04217 171 139 22 10
1095 The accounts department of Hogwarts isn't the most fun part of the school but it's where you end up when you fall behind on the fees. 1.2455 0.05033 110 88 17 5
1096 My wife made the hat. 1.2455 0.05196 110 89 15 6
1097 The stars say trading your 401k for some magic beans have a better shot. 1.2453 0.04345 159 129 21 9
1098 You don't have cancer. That's only for those born June 22 to July 22. 1.2453 0.05159 106 85 16 5
1099 Why are you here? 1.2453 0.05330 106 86 14 6
1100 Mr. and Mrs. Davis I'm afraid your son has gone missing to another dimension. Not to worry, this isn't the first time it has happened to one of our students. 1.2452 0.04422 155 126 20 9
1101 Choosing an investment counselor is an important decision. 1.2452 0.04128 155 123 26 6
1102 Your son’s doing well in most of his classes, but unfortunately his math scores are in retrograde. 1.2452 0.04128 155 123 26 6
1103 I’d like to talk to you about your cars extended warranty 1.2452 0.04229 155 124 24 7
1104 I'd like to start with a brief incantation. 1.2450 0.04303 151 121 23 7
1105 I can make all your problems disappear, but I'd still recommend you visit twice a week. 1.2450 0.04092 151 119 27 5
1106 You think you got problems? My wife is a astronomer. 1.2449 0.04588 147 120 18 9
1107 I am sorry, but I do not agree with your other witch doctor. 1.2448 0.04236 143 113 25 5
1108 I'm sorry, but your tax situation is even beyond the powers of a mighty wizard." 1.2448 0.04118 143 112 27 4
1109 Unfortunately,Your son has been expelled from our School of Wizardry for becoming Christian.... 1.2448 0.04571 143 116 19 8
1110 So, you saw my ad for an agent to the stars. 1.2446 0.04662 139 113 18 8
1111 Yes, it is a silly hat and robe, but I know things you don't. 1.2446 0.04772 139 114 16 9
1112 really?...you've not used your Mars timeshare even once this year? 1.2446 0.04548 139 112 20 7
1113 No, no - I'm a cosmologist, I study wrinkles in time. 1.2444 0.04872 135 111 15 9
1114 My last gig was in astrophysics, but people couldn't relate." 1.2444 0.04757 135 110 17 8
1115 I should tell you that some may say that my approach is whacko. 1.2443 0.04735 131 106 18 7
1116 This timeshare offer won't last long. 1.2443 0.04347 131 103 24 4
1117 Merlin was my dad’s name, I’m Paul. 1.2443 0.04068 131 101 28 2
1118 I'm afraid Harry has been apparating into the girl's locker room again. 1.2441 0.04571 127 101 21 5
1119 I’m like Fox News. My job is to tell you what you want to hear, and get paid for it. 1.2441 0.04706 127 102 19 6
1120 And for another $500 I’ll throw in a weekend on Neptune ..! 1.2441 0.04432 127 100 23 4
1121 I want to reassure you that we fully support Gary's transition as a centaur. 1.2441 0.04837 127 103 17 7
1122 Of course time travel is available. But not in your income bracket. 1.2439 0.04944 123 100 16 7
1123 I think there's something bigger going on here. 1.2439 0.04667 123 98 20 5
1124 I trained as an astro-physicist, but astrology gets you more respect 1.2437 0.04411 160 131 19 10
1125 Let's just make sure that all of our planets are aligned 1.2436 0.04490 156 128 18 10
1126 I'm sorry, I can't help you—I'm not a miracle worker. 1.2435 0.05180 115 94 14 7
1127 Think of my services as a bus ride, not a taxi ride. You pay when you get on, not when you get off. 1.2435 0.05467 115 96 10 9
1128 So you want to be a star 1.2434 0.04069 152 120 27 5
1129 The stars no longer see you as aligned. 1.2432 0.04354 148 119 22 7
1130 So you were over the moon when you first met and now…not so much? 1.2432 0.04354 148 119 22 7
1131 When the spell is lifted, everyone will be able to understand Critical Race Theory. 1.2432 0.05462 111 92 11 8
1132 Therapists keep telling us that spite can't hold a marriage together, so we're seeking a 47th opinion. 1.2432 0.04853 148 124 12 12
1133 You're in luck. Jupiter aligned with Mars just as your loan application was being processed. 1.2431 0.04543 144 117 19 8
1134 Qualified?....LSD in Astro-psychology UC Davis 69' 1.2431 0.04648 144 118 17 9
1135 The laws of the universe being what they are, you really should’ve come to me first. 1.2431 0.04543 144 117 19 8
1136 You're BOTH Leo's? I don't think we can help you. 1.2430 0.05116 107 86 16 5
1137 Do you know why you're in the principal's office? 1.2429 0.04286 140 111 24 5
1138 How long a commute are you willing to consider? 1.2429 0.04164 140 110 26 4
1139 There’s no secret to a good relationship. It’s an illusion. 1.2429 0.04519 140 113 20 7
1140 And for how long have you been identifying as a wizard? 1.2427 0.05766 103 86 9 8
1141 Did you ask for the moon when you already had the stars? 1.2426 0.04725 136 111 17 8
1142 You don't have to be a wizard to know your taxes are due. 1.2426 0.04489 136 109 21 6
1143 We might be able to help since we're a brand-new government agency that's designed to determine your true medical costs. 1.2424 0.04450 132 105 22 5
1144 So he promised you the moon and the stars? 1.2424 0.04824 132 108 16 8
1145 So you'd like to adopt a star? 1.2424 0.04450 132 105 22 5
1146 I told you it wasn't a zoom filter. 1.2424 0.04396 165 136 18 11
1147 Why yes, I am a wizard! 1.2422 0.04386 161 132 19 10
1148 Yes, we can guarantee you a magical adventure. And no, the price is not astronomical 1.2422 0.03918 161 127 29 5
1149 We specialize in finding affordable real estate. 1.2422 0.04802 128 104 17 7
1150 When you become Director of NASA, then you can pick the uniforms! 1.2422 0.04673 128 103 19 6
1151 I'm not a real wizard. I only play one in cartoons. 1.2422 0.04802 128 104 17 7
1152 I’ll end your dry spell, but I can’t make your mother-in-law disappear. 1.2420 0.04371 157 128 20 9
1153 Well, we do have an “all inclusive “ to the wonderful Land of Oz. 1.2419 0.04908 124 101 16 7
1154 I guess what concerns us is the hat. 1.2419 0.04773 124 100 18 6
1155 Alas, it seems the fault is in yourselves. 1.2419 0.05040 124 102 14 8
1156 We can go two ways. Payment in advance, of course. 1.2418 0.04150 153 122 25 6
1157 I can tell you have questions. 1.2417 0.04879 120 97 17 6
1158 Trust me, I’m a wizard at picking stocks. 1.2417 0.05292 120 100 11 9
1159 I never catch your daughter looking out the window during class. Not a good sign. 1.2414 0.05140 116 95 14 7
1160 Elon insists all of his tax attorneys dress like this. 1.2414 0.04514 145 118 19 8
1161 I can turn you into homeowners, but only in a parallel universe. 1.2414 0.04514 145 118 19 8
1162 If the spell doesn’t work you should probably see a doctor. 1.2414 0.04514 145 118 19 8
1163 Why do you need space in your marriage? 1.2411 0.04602 141 115 18 8
1164 What made you think I had some kind of magical solution? 1.2411 0.04490 141 114 20 7
1165 We think your daughter is somewhere between Earth and Mars, but our internet is down and my IT guy should be back tomorrow. 1.2411 0.04616 112 88 21 3
1166 Among my eventually satisfied customers are Dorothy and her friends. 1.2409 0.04459 137 110 21 6
1167 She’s from Mars? And you’re from Venus? 1.2409 0.04917 137 114 13 10
1168 I can recommend some stellar investments 1.2409 0.04694 137 112 17 8
1169 So, you're hoping to bring a little magic into the relationship? 1.2409 0.04337 137 109 23 5
1170 Sorry, a happy marriage is not in the stars 1.2406 0.04547 133 107 20 6
1171 ...Or there’s always Canada. 1.2406 0.04791 133 109 16 8
1172 I may look ridiculous but attendance at the planetarium has skyrocketed 1.2405 0.04059 158 126 26 6
1173 Of course, if you include Pluto as a planet it's a little costlier. 1.2403 0.04371 129 102 23 4
1174 I'll do my best, but I'm not a magician. 1.2403 0.04769 129 105 17 7
1175 I’m sorry, but your new mortgage just isn’t written in the stars 1.2403 0.04508 129 103 21 5
1176 We take a slightly different approach to wealth management. 1.2403 0.04424 154 126 19 9
1177 Sorcery will not solve this. 1.2403 0.04519 154 127 17 10
1178 I can't believe I'm saying this, but the problems in your relationship lie not in the stars, but within yourselves. 1.2400 0.03746 150 116 32 2
1179 That's right, three percent interest, no money down. 1.2400 0.04738 125 101 18 6
1180 We need to talk about your sun. 1.2400 0.04311 125 98 24 3
1181 There is no scientific answer. I use a crystal ball and you can’t argue with that.” 1.2400 0.04458 125 99 22 4
1182 It just makes my Wills and Trusts practice a little more exiting. 1.2397 0.04380 146 118 21 7
1183 Whom were you expecting? 1.2397 0.04843 121 98 17 6
1184 The front office lost your fortune, but I'm still a superb notary public. 1.2397 0.05119 121 100 13 8
1185 What do you want me to do, wave a magic wand? 1.2397 0.04698 121 97 19 5
1186 So you say the magic is no longer there. 1.2395 0.03818 167 132 30 5
1187 I'm afraid there's nothing in your price range in the inner planets. Had you thought about a longer commute, such as Pluto? 1.2394 0.04348 142 114 22 6
1188 I am from France. 1.2394 0.04572 142 116 18 8
1189 The prospects of this investment are astronomical. 1.2394 0.04572 142 116 18 8
1190 Before we begin, what's your sign? 1.2393 0.04485 117 92 22 3
1191 What’s it going to take to get you into this geosynchronous orbit? 1.2393 0.05242 117 97 12 8
1192 You married a Taurus, what did you expect? 1.2393 0.04953 117 95 16 6
1193 Yes. No oxygen there. But also no income or real estate tax. 1.2391 0.04185 138 109 25 4
1194 Sure, I have references; check my TikTok page. 1.2391 0.04775 138 114 15 9
1195 It's not that the stars are against you. Your goals are just unrealistic. 1.2391 0.04663 138 113 17 8
1196 I would like to help you stay firmly grounded. 1.2391 0.04309 138 110 23 5
1197 As you might imagine, my rates are out of this world. 1.2389 0.04749 113 90 19 4
1198 I was looking for something a little more predictable than banking. 1.2389 0.05225 113 93 13 7
1199 'We like to take this opportunity to assure all parents of magically gifted children, THAT WOMAN does not speak for us!' 1.2389 0.05071 113 92 15 6
1200 It's not in your heads. It's in Uranus. 1.2388 0.04875 134 111 14 9
1201 I recommend your daughter study on Venus. Mars is mostly men. 1.2388 0.04261 134 106 24 4
1202 Your stars show a divorce made in heaven. 1.2388 0.04759 134 110 16 8
1203 Three magical words are - I love you. 1.2385 0.05814 109 93 6 10
1204 The cloak came with the desk, so I thought, "When in Rome..." 1.2385 0.05197 109 89 14 6
1205 Oh! Why um...that Colonial on Venus seems to urgh... have been taken. But we do have a wonderful split ranch on the dark... ugh, I mean far side of the moon! 1.2385 0.04859 109 87 18 4
1206 🙌 ‘Picture it, Saturn…3055…’ 1.2385 0.05666 109 92 8 9
1207 We offer the lowest mortgages in the known universe. 1.2385 0.04341 130 103 23 4
1208 This a just s consultation. A potion will be extra. 1.2384 0.04378 151 123 20 8
1209 At this time, I can only guarantee a one way flight. 1.2384 0.04575 151 125 16 10
1210 I'm a magician, not a miracle worker. 1.2381 0.04562 147 121 17 9
1211 Let’s chalk it up to muggles being muggles. 1.2381 0.04704 126 102 18 6
1212 Secrets of the universe? Sorry no. I provide rumours of the neighborhood. 1.2381 0.04019 147 116 27 4
1213 Whatever else you may have heard, the fault DOES lie in our stars. 1.2381 0.04967 126 104 14 8
1214 Sorry, I can't perform miracles. 1.2381 0.04567 126 101 20 5
1215 I can offer some gravity for your “spaced out” relationship 1.2381 0.05158 105 85 15 5
1216 . "As it turns out, we are from another planet " 1.2381 0.04245 147 118 23 6
1217 You need to diversify your portfolio and Earth isn’t looking too good right now. 1.2378 0.04206 143 114 24 5
1218 Pluto was a difficult decision but we must stand by it. 1.2378 0.04321 143 115 22 6
1219 And that’s how IVF works… 1.2377 0.04363 122 96 23 3
1220 Our tuition is half of Hogwarts' 1.2377 0.04807 122 99 17 6
1221 Well yes, a lot of bankers are failed astronomers, why do you ask? 1.2377 0.04363 122 96 23 3
1222 It’s not like I can wave a magic wand and fix this marriage, but I’ve got some other tools. 1.2377 0.04363 122 96 23 3
1223 I envision then advise. 1.2376 0.05103 101 81 16 4
1224 This is an intergalactic flight, so there’s a thirty-five dollar luggage fee. 1.2376 0.04905 101 80 18 3
1225 I see a nice little investment for you on one of the Carme group of Jovian satellites. 1.2375 0.04388 160 132 18 10
1226 Do I LOOK like a miracle worker? 1.2374 0.04744 139 115 15 9
1227 Oh Yes. Investing in the stock market is an exact science. 1.2373 0.04915 118 96 16 6
1228 Empirical data is a thing of the past, whimsy is the order of the day. 1.2373 0.04611 118 94 20 4
1229 Finding space won’t be an issue, but the escrow tends to take a bit longer. 1.2370 0.04362 135 108 22 5
1230 The I.R.S. let's me wear the outfit as long as your return has some basis in reality. 1.2370 0.04362 135 108 22 5
1231 Unfortunately,there is no Planetary Alignment which can assure a return to Pre Trump Normalcy. 1.2368 0.05331 114 95 11 8
1232 I have a better track record than most financial planners. 1.2368 0.04041 152 121 26 5
1233 Sorry - was I just wizardsplaining? 1.2368 0.04874 114 92 17 5
1234 I can help you with celestial predictions on timing your investments and such. But naming a star after someone is across the hall. 1.2368 0.05183 114 94 13 7
1235 On a per square foot basis, our real estate is some of the most affordable out there!" 1.2366 0.04576 131 106 19 6
1236 I’m not Your average travel agent! 1.2366 0.04446 131 105 21 5
1237 I assure you, my practice of black magic is NOT cultural appropriation. 1.2365 0.04431 148 121 19 8
1238 I have a crater front lot available on Mars. 1.2365 0.04534 148 122 17 9
1239 So you say "Oo ee oo ah ah ting tang walla walla bing bang." (-Raia, age 7) 1.2365 0.04219 148 119 23 6
1240 This year’s special is the 12 day interplanetary loop with wine and moon excursions included. 1.2362 0.04803 127 104 16 7
1241 So it looks like you're seeking some space in your relationship 1.2362 0.04535 127 102 20 5
1242 You can expect both safety and growth with me managing your savings 1.2362 0.04671 127 103 18 6
1243 Your son is failing spelling. 1.2361 0.04180 144 115 24 5
1244 So you feel like you need more space? 1.2361 0.04294 144 116 22 6
1245 Sorry, folks. There is no magic powerful enough to save your marriage. 1.2361 0.04294 144 116 22 6
1246 The test results say that you're a wizard. 1.2358 0.04749 106 84 19 3
1247 It's not rocket science, butttt..... 1.2358 0.04332 123 97 23 3
1248 We're branching out from cryptocurrency. 1.2358 0.04630 123 99 19 5
1249 Apologies for the outfit, it’s laundry day. Where were we? 1.2357 0.04489 140 114 19 7
1250 At this hospital, brain surgery is no science. 1.2353 0.05058 102 82 16 4
1251 Let's start with getting you two feeling more grounded. 1.2353 0.04457 136 110 20 6
1252 Your most influential planet is the one you're sitting on. 1.2353 0.05775 102 86 8 8
1253 Sooo, after consulting our star charts, you are eligible for a loan. 1.2353 0.04577 136 111 18 7
1254 Your son used ChatGPT on his spelling test and now he is lost somewhere in cyberspace. 1.2349 0.04606 149 124 15 10
1255 Actually, I'm an astronomer - but no one believes me. 1.2349 0.04404 149 122 19 8
1256 Why OF COURSE you will have enough to retire! 1.2348 0.04283 132 105 23 4
1257 Gone are the days of dry tax accounting conversations. Show me your palm, Linda. 1.2348 0.05028 132 111 11 10
1258 No, Mr. Wizard was my father. You can just call me Jimmy. 1.2348 0.04991 115 94 15 6
1259 We take diversity very seriously here! 1.2348 0.04676 115 92 19 4
1260 So what do you mean when you say white people are crazy ? 1.2348 0.04836 115 93 17 5
1261 Abracadabra! Your marriage is fixed. You still owe for the whole hour, though. 1.2348 0.04676 115 92 19 4
1262 Sorry I spaced out 1.2345 0.04378 145 118 20 7
1263 It's a tough case, but luckily I can work magic. 1.2344 0.04503 128 103 20 5
1264 I'm afraid your son is too smart and too rational to fit into our science department at Hogwash University. 1.2342 0.05270 111 92 12 7
1265 I'm an astrologer, not a Psychiatrist! 1.2342 0.04781 111 89 18 4
1266 Enough with the Arthurian negativity. Do you want to find the grail or not? 1.2342 0.04781 111 89 18 4
1267 So, which planet would you like to visit today? We have some beautiful three bedroom homes for sale on Neptune?" 1.2342 0.05270 111 92 12 7
1268 Trust me regarding your son. I know a star student when I see one. 1.2342 0.04131 158 128 23 7
1269 You don't need a marriage counselor, you need a wizard. 1.2342 0.04228 158 129 21 8
1270 I understand that you think your children are a bit spacey and here at our academy we encourage them to be full blown space cadets." 1.2340 0.04461 141 115 19 7
1271 Horoscopes require your astrological sign, preferred pronoun, and political affiliation 1.2340 0.04573 141 116 17 8
1272 Your guess is as good as mine 1.2340 0.04573 141 116 17 8
1273 Earth? I think you’ll find more intelligent life in other galaxies. 1.2340 0.04461 141 115 19 7
1274 Hey. My eyes are down here. 1.2340 0.04461 141 115 19 7
1275 Let’s talk about your 401-K. 1.2339 0.04873 124 102 15 7
1276 Remember, I only make money when you make money. 1.2339 0.04596 124 100 19 5
1277 Technically, I'm an astrowizardist. 1.2339 0.04596 124 100 19 5
1278 We just can't allow close encounters of the third kind on school property. 1.2339 0.04873 124 102 15 7
1279 I can put you into a starter planet for a lot less than you’d think. 1.2336 0.05568 107 90 9 8
1280 I know you might not have expected this kind of legal wizard. 1.2336 0.05407 107 89 11 7
1281 Have I got an investment for you--its returns are out of this world! 1.2336 0.05070 107 87 15 5
1282 I’ve found that dressing like this actually reduces the number of questions I get about the legitimacy of my astrological practice. 1.2336 0.05407 107 89 11 7
1283 Bring me the flag from the Mississippi courthouse and I’ll grant your wish. 1.2336 0.04178 137 109 24 4
1284 I do understand how being in alignment can be dull, but it's not all bad. Being star-crossed never ends well. 1.2336 0.04664 137 113 16 8
1285 I can also advise you in cryptocurrency. 1.2336 0.04305 137 110 22 5
1286 And for the low price of $19.95 I’ll make any of your paintings into custom pajamas. 1.2336 0.04428 137 111 20 6
1287 When the moon hits your eyes like a big pizza pie, that's amore 1.2333 0.04841 120 98 16 6
1288 Sorry, we don’t have any bucket-carrying brooms available at the moment. They’re all on strike. 1.2333 0.04578 150 125 15 10
1289 Your stars are aligned my friends - no further visits required. 1.2333 0.04694 120 97 18 5
1290 All extraterrestrial civilizations are definitely white, and no, my robe and cap are not reversible. 1.2333 0.04984 120 99 14 7
1291 So, let me explain how an annuity works. 1.2333 0.04386 120 95 22 3
1292 I can make all your troubles....disappear 1.2333 0.04479 150 124 17 9
1293 You would have three nights every five years on Venus, with access to the main pool. 1.2333 0.04378 150 123 19 8
1294 Dammit Jim, I’m a wizard not a doctor! 1.2333 0.05122 120 100 12 8
1295 Restoring the magic is expensive and often temporary. Have you considered interdimensional travel? 1.2331 0.04639 133 109 17 7
1296 Yes, I am indeed a magician. But I still cannot approve your mortgage application. 1.2329 0.04351 146 119 20 7
1297 I'm sorry to say this, but your child's misbehavior is a bigger threat to Hogwarts than Voldemort ever was 1.2329 0.04351 146 119 20 7
1298 we sent your son to pluto 1.2328 0.04640 116 93 19 4
1299 My ESP tells me that, for the right price, you can be the first couple of color to have a true honey "moon" 1.2328 0.05101 116 96 13 7
1300 Magic Eightball says you owe us $1,200 in tax and penalties. 1.2328 0.04475 116 92 21 3
1301 I'm afraid I'm not qualified to give you fashion advice. 1.2328 0.05387 116 98 9 9
1302 I am a wizard 1.2328 0.05101 116 96 13 7
1303 Yes, you two came to the right place….. I am a Marriage Magician, and I can either make your marriage work….. or just disappear. 1.2326 0.04335 129 103 22 4
1304 Your retirement funds are safe in my hands. I'm somewhat of a wizard with these things, I'm told. 1.2326 0.04735 129 106 16 7
1305 I know crypto didn’t perform as well as we’d hoped, but there’s really no way of predicting something like that. I mean, what do I look like? 1.2326 0.04606 129 105 18 6
1306 Truth be told, I can predict and explain almost everything, but regrettably not your families! 1.2324 0.04543 142 117 17 8
1307 It doesn’t matter which planet I teleport you to. White people got there first. 1.2324 0.04318 142 115 21 6
1308 Unlike others who charge by the trick, we were able to unionize. 1.2323 0.05712 99 83 9 7
1309 Now, can I help you with astrology or astronomy today? 1.2323 0.06062 99 85 5 9
1310 You'll need to pass spellcheck. 1.2320 0.04702 125 102 17 6
1311 I think the solution for saving your marriage is magic. 1.2320 0.04419 125 100 21 4
1312 We like your son. He's spacey. 1.2319 0.04517 138 113 18 7
1313 A one way ticket for two to the outer galaxy is $1,612,000 but you each will receive this hat and cape I am modeling. 1.2319 0.04277 138 111 22 5
1314 I can't predict anything but I love wearing the hat! 1.2319 0.04746 138 115 14 9
1315 It's Person of Wicca." 1.2315 0.05028 108 88 15 5
1316 My approach to estate planning extends beyond earthly concerns. 1.2314 0.04946 121 100 14 7
1317 The stars don't compel. And I don't take Medicare. 1.2314 0.04659 121 98 18 5
1318 I predict that index funds will be the wave of the future 1.2314 0.04805 121 99 16 6
1319 perhaps you'd prefer the Wizard of ID 1.2314 0.04805 121 99 16 6
1320 We do offer a range of attractive packages should you decide to spend eternity together. 1.2314 0.04354 121 96 22 3
1321 Therapy can’t fix this. 1.2314 0.04946 121 100 14 7
1322 They call me "the Wizard of Wall Street." 1.2313 0.04091 134 106 25 3
1323 Your daughter has been selling Saturn's rings to the other students as NFTs 1.2312 0.04364 160 133 17 10
1324 If you’re serious I can have you orbiting in about 8 weeks. 1.2308 0.04291 143 116 21 6
1325 So, while it is true that the survival rate for Capricorn / Sagittarius relationships is statistically very low, there are treatment options available, and it's important we don't give up hope. 1.2308 0.04970 104 84 16 4
1326 There, you will be judged by the content of your character. 1.2308 0.04573 130 106 18 6
1327 I mean seriously, do I need to spell it out for you? 1.2308 0.04914 117 96 15 6
1328 Our goal is to put the universe back into university. 1.2308 0.04914 117 96 15 6
1329 Obviously, I believe, the cornerstone to a healthy relationship is not taking yourself too seriously! 1.2308 0.04914 117 96 15 6
1330 Our Firm bases it's futures on a highly risk averse algorithm. 1.2308 0.04305 130 104 22 4
1331 Full disclosure: Not even I can predict what the Fed will do next. 1.2303 0.04325 152 125 19 8
1332 As your financial planner, I will make sure all the stars are aligned before purchasing stocks for your portfolio. 1.2302 0.04488 139 114 18 7
1333 Well, an astronomical experience requires an astronomical cost." 1.2302 0.04488 139 114 18 7
1334 We're a different kind of IVF clinic Mr. & Mrs. Jones. 1.2302 0.04602 139 115 16 8
1335 Look, I can't just magically fix things. 1.2302 0.04370 139 113 20 6
1336 I’m sorry. Magical thinking just isn’t going to work in your case. 1.2302 0.04668 126 103 17 6
1337 Visa approvals typically take light years." 1.2302 0.04241 126 100 23 3
1338 I’m afraid you misheard me. I said the *hex* would be out of this world. 1.2302 0.04933 126 105 13 8
1339 We’ll, I’m not a magician, but I think I can help. 1.2301 0.04705 113 91 18 4
1340 ' Naming a star can be pretty expensive but I think I can find you a good meteor' 1.2301 0.04705 113 91 18 4
1341 5 magic words to change your life: time-share condo on Mars. 1.2300 0.05291 100 82 13 5
1342 A 3.8 GPA? Maybe a 2nd tier state school. Do I look like a magician? 1.2298 0.04156 161 132 21 8
1343 Did I mention there's no property tax on Mars? 1.2297 0.04078 148 119 24 5
1344 Look, I’m only a wizard. 1.2296 0.04064 135 107 25 3
1345 What made you think I’d have the ‘magic solution’ to your problems? 1.2296 0.04695 135 112 15 8
1346 no hocus pocus here 1.2296 0.04454 135 110 19 6
1347 You know, I'm not a magician, just a wizard! 1.2295 0.04909 122 101 14 7
1348 It's all an illusion. You're sitting in your backyard. 1.2295 0.04769 122 100 16 6
1349 Look, I’m no wizard! 1.2295 0.04322 122 97 22 3
1350 I’m the only astrologer / marriage license probate in the state. 1.2294 0.05154 109 90 13 6
1351 So the Magic School Bus seems to have had an unsuccessful return from their field trip... 1.2292 0.05635 96 80 10 6
1352 So you both believe free will is an illusion? 1.2292 0.04794 96 76 18 2
1353 While our firm practices all due diligence with your investments, past phantasmagorical returns are no guarantee of future phantasmagorical returns. 1.2292 0.04376 144 118 19 7
1354 Thank you for applying for NASA’s colonization program. 1.2292 0.04264 144 117 21 6
1355 In this classroom we teach facts and science. Now, is your card the 7 of hearts?” 1.2292 0.05017 96 77 16 3
1356 I don't believe it's Cancer, but I'll need to take a closer look at Uranus. 1.2290 0.04793 131 109 14 8
1357 First, let me assure you that my financial planning methods are highly scientific. 1.2290 0.04669 131 108 16 7
1358 I feel you two will be fine, you just need a little space. 1.2290 0.04542 131 107 18 6
1359 We’re having serious concerns about your daughter’s spelling. 1.2290 0.04542 131 107 18 6
1360 As your accountant, I can only offer advice, I can’t tell you what to do. 1.2288 0.04876 118 97 15 6
1361 On your budget, you can only buy her the moon. 1.2288 0.04725 118 96 17 5
1362 I’m sorry. “Abracadabra” won’t bring back the zing here. No hat, no rabbit. 1.2288 0.04569 118 95 19 4
1363 Any trepidations about the universe before we begin? 1.2288 0.04725 118 96 17 5
1364 I prefer the term Warlock. 1.2288 0.04569 118 95 19 4
1365 We all know that marriage isn’t magic - But that doesn’t mean divorce can’t be. 1.2286 0.04928 105 85 16 4
1366 We are looking to escape Trump World. 1.2286 0.05622 105 89 8 8
1367 This is not the Magic Mike I wanted for my birthday, Jerry 1.2286 0.04459 140 115 18 7
1368 I regret to inform you, but it’s not in the stars for you two. 1.2284 0.04133 162 133 21 8
1369 What leads you to believe I can put the magic back into your marriage? 1.2283 0.04635 127 104 17 6
1370 First of all, there’s no truth to the claim that men are from Mars, women are from Venus… 1.2283 0.04060 127 100 25 2
1371 We’re re-branding: welcome to Saturn Venus Bank. 1.2283 0.04635 127 104 17 6
1372 Yes on handling the dragon, but no on doing your taxes. 1.2282 0.04164 149 121 22 6
1373 First, what are your signs? 1.2281 0.04831 114 93 16 5
1374 Our investment options are out of this world! 1.2281 0.04668 114 92 18 4
1375 Actually, I don't think I have a spell strong enough to convince your child to stop watching TikTok. 1.2281 0.04831 114 93 16 5
1376 Of course your investment is safe with me, those other guys are missing the bigger picture. 1.2281 0.05143 114 95 12 7
1377 Your marriage doesn't need a wizard - it needs a miracle! 1.2279 0.04779 136 114 13 9
1378 It’s my best guess. 1.2279 0.04545 136 112 17 7
1379 If you're hired, how much can you pretend ? 1.2278 0.04105 158 129 22 7
1380 I've gotta be honest- your student creeps me out. 1.2277 0.05243 101 83 13 5
1381 Your name may very well be Oz, but I’m not your wizard. 1.2276 0.04591 123 100 18 5
1382 Gazing is free! 1.2276 0.04591 123 100 18 5
1383 Am going to lose it if someone asks again whether I have crystal balls under this outfit. 1.2276 0.04132 123 97 24 2
1384 You two have to do the work. Despite appearances I'm not a magician. 1.2273 0.04381 132 107 20 5
1385 You’ll do fine. My last apprentice was a mouse and now he runs one of the biggest companies in the world.” 1.2273 0.04511 132 108 18 6
1386 As a trained economist, I can confidently make the following prediction … 1.2273 0.05111 110 91 13 6
1387 Sorry, parking validation is not in your stars. 1.2273 0.04511 132 108 18 6
1388 So, you’re interested in opening a crypto account. 1.2273 0.04511 132 108 18 6
1389 When the moon is in the seventh house, I’d itemize deductions for 1 through 6. 1.2273 0.05271 110 92 11 7
1390 Your finances will be guided by a diversified strategy: a wand, a spell, and the position of my cousin's warts. 1.2273 0.05111 110 91 13 6
1391 Around here, we never talk about God's eighth day. 1.2270 0.04430 141 116 18 7
1392 Your next home will have all of the modern features you're used to, other than an atmosphere, that is." 1.2269 0.04209 119 94 23 2
1393 We can’t all be Harry Potter…some of us have to work a living.” 1.2269 0.04839 119 98 15 6
1394 Our returns are out of this world. 1.2269 0.04209 119 94 23 2
1395 As principal of the school I cannot foresee a need to teach CRT . And why are you here today, Mr and Mrs Lincoln? 1.2268 0.05582 97 81 10 6
1396 Is your child a space cadet? We want them. 1.2266 0.04466 128 104 19 5
1397 I told my wife I needed space. 1.2266 0.04602 128 105 17 6
1398 Thought I’d focus less on the financial and more on the wizard. 1.2266 0.04734 128 106 15 7
1399 Yeah, I loved "Sol Train," too. 1.2266 0.04602 128 105 17 6
1400 We generally don’t like to split couples up, but the Sorting Hat insisted that you’re in Hufflepuff and you’re in Gryffindor. 1.2266 0.04466 128 104 19 5
1401 Sadly, The Stars Say Your Relationship is Misaligned. 1.2266 0.04466 128 104 19 5
1402 Your astral projections are not looking so hot this quarter 1.2266 0.04602 128 105 17 6
1403 George,you said when you're feeling this way that you need more "space". Can you elaborate on that? 1.2263 0.04271 137 111 21 5
1404 I'm sorry, but I'm afraid your school voucher simply isn't going to work here at Hogwarts. 1.2261 0.04950 115 95 14 6
1405 I see very bad things ahead for you as a result of your wearing those shoes before Memorial Day 1.2261 0.05249 115 97 10 8
1406 When the moon is in the Seventh House And Jupiter aligns with Mars Then peace will guide the planets And you will be audited in the fall.... 1.2261 0.04793 115 94 16 5
1407 No... it's not laundry day, why do you ask? 1.2261 0.04793 115 94 16 5
1408 You're a Leo and she's a Pisces. It's a miracle you're still married. 1.2258 0.04103 124 98 24 2
1409 It wasn’t until my senior year at Hogwart’s that I fell in love with accounting. 1.2258 0.04557 124 101 18 5
1410 Well, it might speed things up if you two could bring the Eye of Newt. 1.2258 0.04557 124 101 18 5
1411 Actually, I'm only an accounting wizard. 1.2256 0.04480 133 109 18 6
1412 This time share opportunity is out of this world. 1.2256 0.04480 133 109 18 6
1413 Yes, I’ve had many years experience at Microsoft. 1.2256 0.04605 133 110 16 7
1414 I found it in a second hand store in Mississippi. 1.2255 0.05380 102 85 11 6
1415 Our premium package includes three planets and four moons 1.2254 0.04514 142 118 16 8
1416 I can't just make your problems disappear. 1.2252 0.04735 111 90 17 4
1417 I think you both need a little space. 1.2252 0.04904 111 91 15 5
1418 Will you be traveling together in the same time-space continuum? 1.2252 0.04904 111 91 15 5
1419 I think we can get the magic back in your marriage. 1.2250 0.04342 120 96 21 3
1420 When I said 'Clan" of course that's spelled with a 'C'!" 1.2250 0.04654 120 98 17 5
1421 So, what are you hoping to get from these sessions? 1.2250 0.04802 120 99 15 6
1422 Im afraid hell need a 1600 on his birthchart to get in. 1.2250 0.04654 120 98 17 5
1423 I’m afraid “the magic” has left your relationship. 1.2250 0.04654 120 98 17 5
1424 It’s a regularly reimagined display: next week we’ll have diplomas and stock charts and I’ll be in a suit. Come back then if it would make you feel better. 1.2248 0.04435 129 105 19 5
1425 So....you want an out-of-world experience. I can do that. 1.2248 0.04435 129 105 19 5
1426 As you may have noticed, our Space Camp goes for a NASA meets Hogwarts vibe. 1.2248 0.04153 129 103 23 3
1427 I'm Professor Constellation, but my friends call me 'Distant'. 1.2246 0.04602 138 115 15 8
1428 So you want to live in interesting times. We'll have I got a place for you. 1.2246 0.04602 138 115 15 8
1429 My great grandfather was named Merlin, my name is Myron, can I interest you fine folks in a beautiful time-share unit in the heart of Camelot? 1.2246 0.04602 138 115 15 8
1430 Can my wife become a Shriner also? 1.2245 0.04185 147 120 21 6
1431 So your kid is failing science. What do you expect of me? 1.2245 0.05335 98 81 12 5
1432 If you’d believe it, being a relationship therapist wasn’t my first choice career. 1.2245 0.04185 147 120 21 6
1433 So when did you first lose faith in my recommendations? 1.2243 0.05023 107 88 14 5
1434 Let me tell you a bit about astrotherapy. 1.2241 0.04756 116 95 16 5
1435 No,as I said before,your child can still live in the Milky Way even though they are lactose intolerant. 1.2241 0.04596 116 94 18 4
1436 The crystal ball is out of service, so I’ve been called in. 1.2241 0.04596 116 94 18 4
1437 Here at Hogwarts, we expect all our children to spell. 1.2241 0.04911 116 96 14 6
1438 Do you think anybody in the universe cares about YOUR problems? 1.2240 0.04524 125 102 18 5
1439 Typically I would advise you to sing “twinkle twinkle little star” together…but your marital problems may require a rendition of “rocket man” 1.2240 0.04379 125 101 20 4
1440 Unlike what some couples think.....counseling is not magic." 1.2240 0.04524 125 102 18 5
1441 So about that investment in Abracadabra inc.,it seems like your stock has magically disappeared. 1.2240 0.04074 125 99 24 2
1442 Mars and Venus? Ha! Men and women are actually from different galaxies. 1.2239 0.04322 134 109 20 5
1443 I called you in because your son made the Moon dissapear 1.2238 0.04593 143 120 14 9
1444 I'm sorry. It's Cancer. 1.2238 0.04259 143 117 20 6
1445 And that is how I found the magical world of car insurance. 1.2238 0.04142 143 116 22 5
1446 We take our fertility work very seriously here. 1.2238 0.04593 143 120 14 9
1447 Rest assured, your cremains will be scattered in the best galaxy. 1.2236 0.03410 161 126 34 1
1448 I'm sorry, but two virgos together will only end in murder. 1.2233 0.05332 103 86 11 6
1449 No, we're not that Scientology. 1.2233 0.04962 103 84 15 4
1450 I just don't know. 1.2233 0.04962 103 84 15 4
1451 I deal with planetary rotation. For crop rotation, you need to consult the agronomy department. 1.2233 0.04766 103 83 17 3
1452 You can't expect ME to have all the answers! 1.2232 0.05185 112 94 11 7
1453 Solipsism makes it hard to connect. 1.2232 0.04696 112 91 17 4
1454 Our financing IS "Out of This World"—but it's still 6% APR. 1.2231 0.04467 121 98 19 4
1455 We’re concerned your child isn’t spacey enough. 1.2231 0.04404 130 106 19 5
1456 I think you both need more space. 1.2231 0.04667 130 108 15 7
1457 Well, yes. It does have a tinfoil lining. Why do you ask? 1.2231 0.04667 130 108 15 7
1458 Your child is too down-to-earth for our school. 1.2231 0.04125 130 104 23 3
1459 I advise you to sell. 1.2230 0.04215 139 113 21 5
1460 I can help with other things, but for finance you need a specialist. 1.2230 0.04456 139 115 17 7
1461 This type of therapy is not covered by your insurance. 1.2230 0.04456 139 115 17 7
1462 I have to level with you -- my own horoscope says it's all hopeless. 1.2230 0.04456 139 115 17 7
1463 Dr. DeGrasse Tyson, I’ve ask you here to talk to you about Pluto. 1.2230 0.04215 139 113 21 5
1464 I’m sorry. We didn’t see this coming 1.2230 0.03932 148 119 25 4
1465 I've been chief adviser to an ex- president. 1.2222 0.04396 117 94 20 3
1466 I don't know if that planet will accept minorities, either. 1.2222 0.04419 135 111 18 6
1467 I'm a wizard, not a miracle worker. 1.2222 0.04396 117 94 20 3
1468 Upon reflection, I may not be the best financial advisor around. 1.2222 0.04719 117 96 16 5
1469 But Portugal is also nice this time of year. 1.2222 0.04419 135 111 18 6
1470 As your family wizard, I strongly suggest you diversify your portfolio. Hey, wanna see me turn into a snake? 1.2222 0.05286 99 82 12 5
1471 I'm sorry to report that your son has been dabbling in Astronomy. 1.2222 0.05166 117 99 10 8
1472 It’s just my side gig. 1.2222 0.05151 108 90 12 6
1473 Magic can be astonishingly arbitrary. My spell can only give your son an A in courses with numbers divisible by three. 1.2222 0.05087 99 81 14 4
1474 You don't have to be mad to work here - but I am. 1.2222 0.05166 117 99 10 8
1475 So, tell me about your space. 1.2222 0.04981 108 89 14 5
1476 Everyone’s situation and risk tolerance is different, but 40% magic beans, 30% gold-egg-laying geese, and the rest in Crypto is a good starting place 1.2222 0.04766 126 105 14 7
1477 If the Moon were in the Seventh House and Jupiter aligned with Mars I would agree with you. 1.2222 0.04348 126 102 20 4
1478 I wish I could wave a magic wand and make this disappear 1.2222 0.04200 126 101 22 3
1479 He promised the moon and the stars?Why would you need more? 1.2222 0.04766 126 105 14 7
1480 Nowhere in our contract does it state that A Wrinkle In Timeshare would provide transportation. 1.2222 0.04396 117 94 20 3
1481 Location, location, location! And with zero gravity, you'll never have to worry about sinking property values. 1.2222 0.04719 117 96 16 5
1482 At Universe University our curriculum is out of this world. 1.2222 0.04419 135 111 18 6
1483 Here we teach kids that if you cannot join the stars, wear them. 1.2214 0.04374 131 107 19 5
1484 No, you’re in the right place, you were thinking of the other Grand Wizard. 1.2214 0.05000 131 112 9 10
1485 I wanted an office with more space. 1.2213 0.03949 122 96 25 1
1486 Well, our take on life insurance is a bit different... 1.2213 0.05008 122 103 11 8
1487 In addition to giving you very solid investment advise, I'm going to tell you this fall's World Series winner and next year's election results." 1.2213 0.04434 122 99 19 4
1488 Sorry I lost all your money but I did warn you I’m not a financial wizard. 1.2212 0.04825 113 93 15 5
1489 They told us this was the place to report our abduction? 1.2212 0.04986 113 94 13 6
1490 When I said "Take her to the moon," it was more of a metaphor 1.2212 0.04825 113 93 15 5
1491 Unfortunate typo. Yale is normally impressive, but we’re looking for someone with more relevant experience 1.2212 0.04659 113 92 17 4
1492 People trust us a lot more now that we changed the name to The Magic Department 1.2212 0.05142 113 95 11 7
1493 If the commute isn't a concern, I can show you our newest planned subdivision. 1.2212 0.04918 104 85 15 4
1494 I decorated with AI. 1.2212 0.04523 104 83 19 2
1495 Good food *and* a good location? I'm sorry, even I can't do that. 1.2206 0.04390 136 112 18 6
1496 And if we're going to work together, you have to stop saying "Gee whiz." 1.2206 0.04000 136 109 24 3
1497 I know I have the hat and robe, but I’m not a miracle worker. 1.2206 0.04264 136 111 20 5
1498 I'm no rocket scientist but... 1.2205 0.04598 127 105 16 6
1499 Look, I am a wizard at accounting but you wanted to write off what? 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
1500 Yes, I'm certified as a financial planner; this just helps to manage expectations. 1.2205 0.04598 127 105 16 6
1501 What did you think we meant when we said our timeshares were a magical experience? 1.2205 0.04598 127 105 16 6
1502 The rewards of opening an account with us are absolutely out of this world. 1.2203 0.04835 118 98 14 6
1503 Just so we're clear - My name is Larry Trotter, I'm a magician, not a wizard. And although it's not my field of expertise, from what I recall, men are from MARS, not Uranus. I'm free for kids' parties and weddings. I don't do relationship advice. 1.2203 0.04835 118 98 14 6
1504 Nothing we do seems to be working against these interest rates. 1.2203 0.04525 118 96 18 4
1505 Have you tried using a combustion spell to rekindle the spark? 1.2203 0.04982 118 99 12 7
1506 Interest rates may be out of this world, but that is where we come in. 1.2202 0.05108 109 91 12 6
1507 To open a new account for you, I'm just going to need to see your crystal ball. 1.2202 0.04764 109 89 16 4
1508 Nothin’ up my sleeve 1.2202 0.05108 109 91 12 6
1509 Let's ponder your dilemma for a spell. 1.2202 0.04764 109 89 16 4
1510 I guess we should’ve done this via zoom. 1.2202 0.04393 109 87 20 2
1511 Saturn is in conjunction with Aries the RAM and Ford Taurus so it’s a good time to buy a car. 1.2200 0.05041 100 82 14 4
1512 I’m not a wizard, I just really like things with an outer space theme. 1.2200 0.04837 100 81 16 3
1513 I don't think you can join, I mean, you didn't even know the sun is a star. 1.2197 0.04726 132 111 13 8
1514 The "no pet policy" here at Waverly Place has one exception: Owls. 1.2197 0.04344 132 108 19 5
1515 Unfortunately The Age of Aquarius Is No Longer An Option! 1.2197 0.04344 132 108 19 5
1516 I’d like to talk about your cars extended warranty, we have options.. 1.2197 0.04475 132 109 17 6
1517 No, we are not affiliated with the Star Trek Academy. 1.2195 0.04695 123 102 15 6
1518 I’d like to take a moment to talk to you about your broom’s extended warranty 1.2195 0.04551 123 101 17 5
1519 Even in your seventh house, you've got to remember to lower the toilet seat." 1.2193 0.04622 114 93 17 4
1520 I'm not interested in Uranus. 1.2193 0.04622 114 93 17 4
1521 These tough conversations about your sexual relationship would be much heavier if we conducted them on Jupiter. 1.2193 0.04622 114 93 17 4
1522 I’m sorry, there’s no spell to make housing affordable. 1.2193 0.04622 114 93 17 4
1523 Why don’t you take a trip to your own anuses? 1.2193 0.04946 114 95 13 6
1524 I went to Mars in '21, and I'm due back any day now. Questions? 1.2192 0.04291 146 121 18 7
1525 I'm sorry to inform you that your request for magic beans was not approved. 1.2192 0.04291 146 121 18 7
1526 There's been a bit of a misunderstanding about last night's "white tie formal" and my regrettable wardrobe decisions. As you can see, I always wear a hat like this, and a cloak. It's my religion, and the constitution protects it. 1.2190 0.04876 105 86 15 4
1527 So, let's start at the beginning. 1.2190 0.04876 105 86 15 4
1528 So, the moon was in the seventh house, and Jupiter aligned with Mars. What happened next....? 1.2190 0.05238 105 88 11 6
1529 No, not his attitude, it's just that he's been turned into a frog 1.2190 0.05060 105 87 13 5
1530 Even though I’m a financial wizard, somehow your life savings went ‘Poof’. 1.2190 0.04600 137 115 14 8
1531 We can offer an economy Uranus package but can't promise a return trip to Kansas. 1.2188 0.04565 128 106 16 6
1532 As for the getup, patients have been more receptive to "oz" than "doctor" recently. 1.2188 0.04698 128 107 14 7
1533 I'm just your marriage counselor---why do you expect me to do magic? 1.2188 0.04428 128 105 18 5
1534 Have you considered the possibility that your issues are the result of a temporal paradox caused by your future selves meddling in your past? 1.2188 0.04428 128 105 18 5
1535 My prediction is there's a 50/50 chance the marriage will work. 1.2185 0.04647 119 98 16 5
1536 The first thing I tell my clients- there is no such thing as too much space." 1.2183 0.04370 142 118 17 7
1537 Sorry, but down to earth solutions sold out last year. 1.2183 0.04012 142 115 23 4
1538 What I can tell you with 100% certainty is the Knicks will not win the title this year. 1.2182 0.04545 110 89 18 3
1539 What I do here is out of this world. 1.2182 0.04725 110 90 16 4
1540 It's Laundry Day... 1.2182 0.05065 110 92 12 6
1541 I did say the property is out of this world. 1.2182 0.04725 110 90 16 4
1542 Speaking professionally as your wizard, I’m afraid we’re all out of spells at this time - but you know [quietly] as your friend, well let’s just say I may still have one or two tricks up my sleeve. 1.2182 0.05065 110 92 12 6
1543 I assure you, we offer more variety than the sperm bank. 1.2180 0.04571 133 111 15 7
1544 As your financial wizard, I highly recommend a balanced portfolio of Hocus Pocus, Abracadabra, and Alakazam. 1.2180 0.04314 133 109 19 5
1545 My spells work Monday through Friday, 9 am to 5 pm. 1.2180 0.04314 133 109 19 5
1546 Welcome to the center of the universe. 1.2178 0.05378 101 85 10 6
1547 Warrantee? No. There’s no warrantee. 1.2177 0.04217 124 100 21 3
1548 Why, yes, muggle children count towards our diversity goals. 1.2177 0.04660 124 103 15 6
1549 I can show you a great three-bedroom townhouse on Mercury, but there’s no atmosphere. 1.2177 0.04058 124 99 23 2
1550 Frankly, your sun is simply not as bright as the rest of our star students... 1.2177 0.04370 124 101 19 4
1551 I seem to have forgotten my wand, so we are going to have to fix your relationship the old fashioned way 1.2177 0.04660 124 103 15 6
1552 Let me explain the odds of us paying your insurance claim. Have you ever been hit by a meteor? 1.2177 0.04660 124 103 15 6
1553 I’d love to do your taxes, but i’m only a wizard 1.2174 0.04749 115 95 15 5
1554 Think of it as Hogwarts with science." 1.2174 0.04585 115 94 17 4
1555 Your child has many strengths, but being a sorcerer's apprentice isn't one of them. 1.2174 0.04749 115 95 15 5
1556 I may look like an Imperial Wizard, but I'm really a Master of the Universe. 1.2174 0.04585 115 94 17 4
1557 Yes I was in the Klan but I got some mustard on my whites and decided to convert to a real wizard. 1.2174 0.04907 115 96 13 6
1558 Reparations are for a million light years 1.2174 0.04452 138 115 16 7
1559 Marriage counseling on Mars 1.2174 0.04907 115 96 13 6
1560 The stars say you are going to get audited. 1.2171 0.04112 129 104 22 3
1561 Our long term investment strategy relies on whatever the Universe tells us. 1.2170 0.05193 106 89 11 6
1562 I'll concede that our prices are "out of the world", but.... 1.2170 0.04645 106 86 17 3
1563 Look, I'm a magician, not a therapist. If your problem is deeper than a top hat, I'm out. 1.2170 0.05193 106 89 11 6
1564 There's no magic about it. To be an effective couples therapist, I need to wear different hats. 1.2168 0.04454 143 120 15 8
1565 Consider filing an extension when Mercury is no longer in retrograde. 1.2167 0.04611 120 99 16 5
1566 Saturn is in the House of Orion, so it can be counted as a dependent. 1.2167 0.04761 120 100 14 6
1567 I’m not really into standard portfolio theory. I would advise you to invest in collectibles like moon rocks, ancient alchemy texts and antique ouija boards. 1.2165 0.05124 97 80 13 4
1568 You don’t have to be a wizard to know this marriage is over 1.2165 0.05330 97 81 11 5
1569 I’m not that ‘Dr. Strange’, there is no way out, no multiverse, I’m afraid…” 1.2165 0.05124 97 80 13 4
1570 I’m sensing stocks not bonds. 1.2164 0.04414 134 111 17 6
1571 I am a wizard, but there is no way I can conjure up a 30 year 2.5% mortgage. 1.2162 0.04322 111 89 20 2
1572 I think I can easily make your differences just disappear. 1.2162 0.04322 111 89 20 2
1573 Have you considered investing in emerging markets? 1.2162 0.04858 111 92 14 5
1574 This is unprecedented! It appears that your Moon is crossed by an asparagus! 1.2162 0.04858 111 92 14 5
1575 Looks like I'm gonna have to spell this out for you. 1.2162 0.04686 111 91 16 4
1576 And this is all the bells and whistles. 1.2162 0.05023 111 93 12 6
1577 I'm so very sorry--my title of Grand Wizard was badly misconstrued in our marketing materials. 1.2162 0.05184 111 94 10 7
1578 That's funny. No one has ever accused me of magical thinking. 1.2162 0.04686 111 91 16 4
1579 As your marriage counselor, I DO have a magic wand. 1.2162 0.04858 111 92 14 5
1580 Fix Congress? I'm a wizard, not a magician! 1.2160 0.04763 125 105 13 7
1581 I predict your tomatoes will turn red soon. 1.2160 0.04897 125 106 11 8
1582 Now that you have reached the top of your scientific fields and have more questions than before you started, I feel compelled to come clean. It is just magic; it is all just magic….magic, magic, magic. 1.2160 0.04484 125 103 17 5
1583 I'm afraid I can't help once you're married. 1.2160 0.04626 125 104 15 6
1584 Why yes I have invested heavily in cryptocurrency, why do you ask? 1.2160 0.04484 125 103 17 5
1585 I predict your next consultation will be with a tax lawyer. 1.2158 0.04303 139 115 18 6
1586 Crypto currency? Yes! Put all of your money there. 1.2157 0.04751 102 83 16 3
1587 Well, here it is. I can't provide you with a time-reversal button as you've requested..but I can make a referral to a Fitness-For-The-Unfit Center I've recently opened. 1.2157 0.04951 102 84 14 4
1588 You know, retirement planning isn’t all magical thinking. 1.2157 0.04036 153 126 21 6
1589 Everything about me is phony. Even my mustache is drawn in with a pencil. 1.2157 0.05144 102 85 12 5
1590 Here at Starfleet Academy we are very selective in terms of which students we accept. Tell me, has your son been able to create a Black Hole with his chemistry set yet? 1.2155 0.05310 116 100 7 9
1591 For the full cosmos tour, I can cut you a 10% off deal with a side trip to Alpha Centauri. 1.2155 0.04711 116 96 15 5
1592 And when do you want to go to Mars? 1.2155 0.04550 116 95 17 4
1593 Fix your marriage? What do you think I am? Some kind of miracle worker? 1.2154 0.04366 130 107 18 5
1594 Historically, we don't trust grand wizards. 1.2154 0.04227 130 106 20 4
1595 I realize your first choice was Neil Degrasse Tyson, and your second choice was Dumbledore, but I am the only one available this week. 1.2154 0.04366 130 107 18 5
1596 No, I meant "magical mysteries of the universe" literally. 1.2154 0.04631 130 109 14 7
1597 I’ll see what I can do, but I’m a sorcerer, not a magician. 1.2153 0.04083 144 118 21 5
1598 I understand. My wife and I argue about the legitimacy of my work too. 1.2153 0.04083 144 118 21 5
1599 What on Earth would you like me to do about your marriage? 1.2151 0.05263 93 77 12 4
1600 I’m afraid we’ve detected a complication with Uranus. 1.2150 0.04605 107 87 17 3
1601 Yes, I'm a wizard, but as I said, I am not a miracle worker. 1.2150 0.04205 107 85 21 1
1602 I don't usually see clients during Comicon... 1.2150 0.04974 107 89 13 5
1603 I am sorry, but not even sorcery can help your relationship! 1.2150 0.04605 107 87 17 3
1604 As soon as they legalize the magic mushrooms we will send you on an astral plane to places you have never imagined" 1.2149 0.04868 121 102 12 7
1605 Do you want to get a home loan? 1.2149 0.04577 121 100 16 5
1606 Your son is a bit spacey. 1.2149 0.04725 121 101 14 6
1607 ‘So I lost a bet’ 1.2149 0.04725 121 101 14 6
1608 Look, if I had a ‘magic wand’ to approve your application, I’d use it. 1.2149 0.04725 121 101 14 6
1609 Your daughter hasn't been seen ever since she aced her teleportation exam. 1.2149 0.04424 121 99 18 4
1610 Yes, Hogwarts is good, too. But we feel that the Trump School of Obfuscation and Magic is just the best there ever was! 1.2148 0.04629 135 114 13 8
1611 I understand your concern about using astrology to determine your investment strategy, but, statistically speaking, we perform on par with the guys at Wall Street. 1.2148 0.04384 135 112 17 6
1612 Let's consider alternative options when Mercury is in retrograde. 1.2148 0.03988 135 109 23 3
1613 Contrary to what you may have heard, I can only predict the past. 1.2148 0.04629 135 114 13 8
1614 I can’t help with your intimacy issues, but I may be able to send you to Oz. 1.2143 0.04592 126 105 15 6
1615 I’m sorry, I think you’re mistaken. I just dress like this. 1.2143 0.04818 112 93 14 5
1616 Considering your credit score I assume you won’t get approved, but I may be able to work some magic. 1.2143 0.04865 98 80 15 3
1617 Your therapist referred you to me in hopes I might help you to resolve your political differences. 1.2143 0.05077 98 81 13 4
1618 You two could really use some space. 1.2143 0.04157 126 102 21 3
1619 When a coin lands on heads, it's really landing on tails. 1.2143 0.05280 98 82 11 5
1620 NASA’s making us wear these wizard outfits now, they think we’ll seem more credible this way. 1.2143 0.04728 126 106 13 7
1621 I’m sorry, we have spells that will move mountains and turn back time but we’re powerless to help you clean up your e-mail inbox. 1.2143 0.04648 112 92 16 4
1622 There's nothing magical about life insurance. 1.2143 0.04818 112 93 14 5
1623 We can't find your prostate. 1.2138 0.04397 145 122 15 8
1624 “People tend to think of us as different, if you can handle that.” 1.2137 0.04599 131 110 14 7
1625 Work is a sore spot for my wife and me as well. 1.2137 0.04599 131 110 14 7
1626 The ticket to Pluto includes a season pass to Disney World and 10 percent equity in the Brooklyn Bridge. 1.2137 0.04469 131 109 16 6
1627 I can send you there. Prices vary. 1.2137 0.04198 131 107 20 4
1628 Welcome to the Elon Musk Agency for Intergalactic Travel. 1.2137 0.04675 117 97 15 5
1629 Yes, the decor is out of this world. We planet that way. 1.2137 0.04675 117 97 15 5
1630 You want to go to Paris in June? Sorry, that’s magic I can’t do. 1.2137 0.04830 117 98 13 6
1631 On the other hand, your mortgage is written in stone. 1.2137 0.04514 117 96 17 4
1632 I’m afraid you’re a Cancer. 1.2137 0.04675 117 97 15 5
1633 Why, yes you are correct. The stars are glow-in-the-dark. 1.2137 0.04830 117 98 13 6
1634 Alakazam!…That will be 500 dollars. 1.2137 0.04675 117 97 15 5
1635 You two must be a very difficult case if you were referred to me. 1.2136 0.04907 103 85 14 4
1636 I'm sorry. A spell won't save your marriage. What you need is a miracle. 1.2132 0.03962 136 110 23 3
1637 Well sir, I have consulted with the Universe and the stars are just not aligning for you.... 1.2132 0.03962 136 110 23 3
1638 It's Best to Call it Quits! Venus and Mars will never be in Sync !! 1.2131 0.04391 122 100 18 4
1639 It's normal for healthy marriages to go through a bad spell. 1.2131 0.04391 122 100 18 4
1640 Your son’s head seems to be in the clouds and he’s out of touch with reality. 1.2131 0.04391 122 100 18 4
1641 For your relationship to work, I recommend you be born two days earlier, sir. 1.2131 0.04234 122 99 20 3
1642 Yes... but this is a different kind of enterprise. 1.2131 0.04970 122 104 10 8
1643 Nothing yet for Venus, but we do have a three-week, all-inclusive tour of Mars scheduled for April 1, 2024. 1.2131 0.04689 122 102 14 6
1644 …and each year we’ll send you a bag of fortune cookies. 1.2130 0.05104 108 91 11 6
1645 Target. It was on sale. Why do you ask? 1.2130 0.04567 108 88 17 3
1646 We're here, Mr Jones, to discuss your daughter's decision to drop Astronomy. 1.2128 0.03752 188 157 22 9
1647 The question is, do WE have enough space for YOU? 1.2128 0.05427 94 79 10 5
1648 The universe also offers a payment plan. 1.2126 0.04420 127 105 17 5
1649 She's not the stellar performer we were hoping for. 1.2126 0.04420 127 105 17 5
1650 Your son got a bit carried away with Quantum Leap." 1.2126 0.04127 127 103 21 3
1651 NIMBY isn’t a thing there…yet. 1.2126 0.04127 127 103 21 3
1652 I'm sorry but your child is not Space Force material 1.2126 0.04127 127 103 21 3
1653 Our firm uses the most reliable tools available to plan your investment portfolio. 1.2124 0.04779 113 94 14 5
1654 We take passive aggressive behavior very seriously. 1.2124 0.04941 113 95 12 6
1655 Now wait - just what do you mean when you say 'holding space'? 1.2124 0.04941 113 95 12 6
1656 Sorry but no amount of magic can save your relationship. 1.2124 0.04611 113 93 16 4
1657 And where do you see yourselves in another thousand years? 1.2124 0.04436 113 92 18 3
1658 I’m sorry, but your son has been in a terrible quidditch accident. 1.2124 0.05099 113 96 10 7
1659 Alas, our spacetime is up. 1.2121 0.04567 132 111 14 7
1660 The value of your government bonds is descending but your stocks are in the ascent due to a Taurus market. 1.2121 0.03882 132 106 24 2
1661 where do you see yourself in ten years 1.2121 0.04306 132 109 18 5
1662 These days consulting a Wizard is preferred by most over accountants, lawyers, or doctors. 1.2121 0.04821 99 81 15 3
1663 Accredited? Not really, but we have 98% acceptance rate! 1.2121 0.04602 99 80 17 2
1664 Trust me, your money is safe at SVB. 1.2119 0.04480 118 97 17 4
1665 It will take you guys about 2 years of training to become a true Sorcerer! 1.2119 0.04638 118 98 15 5
1666 Please don't ground him. 1.2119 0.04792 118 99 13 6
1667 Now, allow me explain our remote learning program. 1.2119 0.04480 118 97 17 4
1668 Wizard, yes, wizard powers, no. 1.2115 0.04864 104 86 14 4
1669 What sorcery is this? Allow me to explain. 1.2115 0.04864 104 86 14 4
1670 Full disclosure: my degree is in 'astro-law-gy,' but I'm confident I can still help. 1.2114 0.04509 123 102 16 5
1671 To begin with, I'm goig to teach you how to laugh. 1.2114 0.04358 123 101 18 4
1672 The difference? In economy you have to bring your own oxygen. 1.2114 0.04358 123 101 18 4
1673 Seriously, you're name is Cosmo? 1.2110 0.04713 109 90 15 4
1674 I see couples therapy as a magical journey. 1.2110 0.05061 109 92 11 6
1675 I'm afraid all the planets in the universe have already been named. 1.2110 0.05061 109 92 11 6
1676 You see, Mr. Phillips, we’re not like other magnet schools. We are literally magnetic. 1.2110 0.04890 109 91 13 5
1677 I see that you two would end up in a 2 stars only...hotel or marriage, not clear ! 1.2109 0.04246 128 105 19 4
1678 Unfortunately, I don't have a crystal ball. 1.2109 0.04388 128 106 17 5
1679 Your marriage may be on the rocks now, but five months with me and your planets will be aligned. 1.2109 0.03889 147 120 23 4
1680 For some reason, all of our other tax advisors are busy. 1.2109 0.04122 147 122 19 6
1681 Being a financial wizard was unfulfilling. 1.2105 0.04001 133 108 22 3
1682 Welcome to the Age of Aquarius ... 1.2105 0.04940 95 78 14 3
1683 So you can literally go to anywhere and or to anytime and all you want is to be disassociated from Clarence Thomas? 1.2105 0.04535 133 112 14 7
1684 The universe is silent on the question of almond milk versus oat milk. 1.2101 0.04172 138 114 19 5
1685 As you may have noticed, this isn't your typical H&R Block office. 1.2101 0.04445 119 98 17 4
1686 There is still a lot of fine real estate on Mars, but I’d act quickly. 1.2101 0.04603 119 99 15 5
1687 Here, the students are not allowed to phone home. 1.2101 0.04282 119 97 19 3
1688 The last guy was a clown. 1.2101 0.04445 119 98 17 4
1689 You confused me with "The Wiz" 1.2100 0.04984 100 83 13 4
1690 What neighborhood, exactly?" 1.2100 0.04777 100 82 15 3
1691 My goal is to put the magic back in your relationship. 1.2100 0.04984 100 83 13 4
1692 So did the cheating happen while Mercury was in retrograde or after? 1.2100 0.04777 100 82 15 3
1693 Underneath my hat, I too, have a receding hairline 1.2100 0.04984 100 83 13 4
1694 As I see it, magic is your only remaining solution! 1.2100 0.05183 100 84 11 5
1695 Let me first have your exact birth dates. 1.2100 0.04560 100 81 17 2
1696 Being a wizard on Wall Street helps me to make sound financial planning decisions for you.” 1.2097 0.04326 124 102 18 4
1697 I'm sorry, your HMO only covers acupuncture, reiki, and powdered animal enemas. 1.2097 0.04172 124 101 20 3
1698 I'm afraid Johnny has fallen way behind in his spelling. 1.2097 0.04895 124 106 10 8
1699 I got it, one of you is from Mars the other is from Venis. I want you to focus on what you have in common: you are both stuck on Earth with two kids in tow. 1.2097 0.04620 124 104 14 6
1700 Meta..as in mucil... 1.2097 0.04620 124 104 14 6
1701 They don’t let just anyone paint a dunce hat. 1.2097 0.04759 124 105 12 7
1702 Does it give me more or less credibility? 1.2095 0.04822 105 87 14 4
1703 How shall I say this, he was here and then he suddenly, well, disappeared. 1.2095 0.04628 105 86 16 3
1704 Could you tell us about the future? 1.2095 0.04822 105 87 14 4
1705 So you're both from Venus? 1.2095 0.05530 105 91 6 8
1706 Who told you it would take a wizard to solve your marital problems? 1.2095 0.05008 105 88 12 5
1707 Yes, it’s pointed, so what? 1.2095 0.05008 105 88 12 5
1708 You’re indulging in magical thinking again. 1.2095 0.04822 105 87 14 4
1709 Your ‘Tax Wizard’ recommends a schedule F-ckd. 1.2095 0.05188 105 89 10 6
1710 We may not be Hogworts, but your child will get a wand. 1.2095 0.03983 148 122 21 5
1711 You don't really need a spell they have pills for that 1.2095 0.03745 148 120 25 3
1712 ....and as your financial advisor... 1.2091 0.05018 110 93 11 6
1713 Yes, that's the magic of it! 1.2091 0.04492 110 90 17 3
1714 Hey, look - I’m a marriage counselor - Not a magician! 1.2091 0.05018 110 93 11 6
1715 The stars are aligned for you to buy this house. 1.2090 0.04504 134 113 14 7
1716 Welcome to Space Force. 1.2090 0.04247 134 111 18 5
1717 Some people think life insurance is just a load of hocus-pocus. 1.2088 0.05068 91 75 13 3
1718 Can't do it myself, but I know a guy who can turn a 9-year old misdemanor into a felony. 1.2087 0.04862 115 97 12 6
1719 So, I hear your marriage is going through a rough spell. 1.2087 0.04703 115 96 14 5
1720 Our extraplanetary field trip is one of the highlights most of our students find both educational and enjoyable. 1.2087 0.04537 115 95 16 4
1721 Even I can't work magic on a boring marriage. 1.2087 0.05016 115 98 10 7
1722 I won't be managing your retirement account, I'm just here to help you planet. 1.2087 0.04862 115 97 12 6
1723 Relax. Your money is safe with our investment group. And I can say that as a PhD economist and certified financial advisor. 1.2087 0.05016 115 98 10 7
1724 Travel Agencies may be a thing of the past, but space and time travel is the future. 1.2087 0.05166 115 99 8 8
1725 You might find our transportation . . . unusual. 1.2086 0.04145 139 115 19 5
1726 Trust me, I do a lot of Research before I recommend a stock portfolio for my clients. 1.2083 0.04718 120 101 13 6
1727 While we do share some precepts, what I do is much more science based than voodoo. 1.2083 0.04048 144 119 20 5
1728 I think your relationship would benefit from some space. 1.2083 0.04568 120 100 15 5
1729 No, your son disappeared because he failed his spelling test. 1.2083 0.04167 144 120 18 6
1730 As your Fianancial Wizard I am obliged to inform you, there are other options out there for you. 1.2083 0.04412 120 99 17 4
1731 I could get you into a nice little place on the outskirts of Neptune. 1.2083 0.05112 96 80 12 4
1732 My name is Mr. Diggs, and I'll be your Family Court Wizard. 1.2083 0.04718 120 101 13 6
1733 At Cosmic U your daughter will find her own orbit, not be trapped inexorably in yours. 1.2080 0.04724 125 106 12 7
1734 The Market" has decided! Your fate is.. 1.2080 0.04859 125 107 10 8
1735 We're a fiduciary. 1.2080 0.03983 125 101 22 2
1736 Annulments are down the hall. 1.2080 0.04295 125 103 18 4
1737 I'm sorry. Your loan is not in the stars. 1.2080 0.04295 125 103 18 4
1738 So you want me to help you find the magic? 1.2080 0.04586 125 105 14 6
1739 Because I have a pointed head. 1.2080 0.04859 125 107 10 8
1740 According to the galaxy, stars, and endless universe...you should definitely brush your teeth. 1.2079 0.04939 101 84 13 4
1741 Being a marriage counselor is no monkey business. 1.2079 0.04734 101 83 15 3
1742 ...And that was how the solar system got created. But now let's go back at what brings you were, when did your marriage got into trouble? 1.2079 0.04295 101 81 19 1
1743 I regret to inform you that Pluto is not a planet. 1.2079 0.04520 101 82 17 2
1744 Today's Klan continues a tradition of fashion, fashion, fashion! 1.2077 0.04594 130 110 13 7
1745 If you put a bigger down payment then your lease will be smaller month to month. Unless, of course, you want to pay in full right now. I hate this job. 1.2077 0.04186 130 107 19 4
1746 As a fiduciary financial advisor I am required to state that "the capital value of units in the fund can fluctuate and the price of units can go down as well as up and is not guaranteed". 1.2075 0.04965 106 89 12 5
1747 I'm glad you were able to come in. We need to talk to about Pluto. 1.2075 0.04589 106 87 16 3
1748 It was not your cheating on her that ruined the relationship. It was Gemini in Pluto. 1.2075 0.04780 106 88 14 4
1749 Pack light and bring traveler's checks." 1.2072 0.04976 111 94 11 6
1750 His moon and Uranus aren’t aligned. 1.2072 0.04267 111 90 19 2
1751 What is unique about this timeshare....... 1.2072 0.04635 111 92 15 4
1752 Yes, I do birthday parties. 1.2072 0.04455 111 91 17 3
1753 Our STEM program is magical! 1.2072 0.04455 111 91 17 3
1754 I became a marriage counselor after my financial adviser business failed. 1.2072 0.04976 111 94 11 6
1755 Saving your marriage? I'm a counselor, not a magician. 1.2072 0.04809 111 93 13 5
1756 . “Lets see how the indictment goes first.” 1.2071 0.04476 140 119 13 8
1757 The fault lies not in the stars, but in your marriage 1.2069 0.04665 116 97 14 5
1758 Where do you see yourselves in five minutes? 1.2069 0.04665 116 97 14 5
1759 Like all kids, your son wants to be a star, but he doesn't seem to understand that he first has to master being a planet. 1.2069 0.04502 116 96 16 4
1760 It's lonely and solitary work, the study of Uranus. 1.2069 0.04823 116 98 12 6
1761 Yes, my insight is different than most. Why do you ask? 1.2066 0.04533 121 101 15 5
1762 Is where I got my license more important to you than the advice I'm giving you? 1.2066 0.04218 121 99 19 3
1763 It's beyond my powers. You'll have to make a deal with the Devil to find an affordable three bedroom apartment in Manhattan. 1.2066 0.04682 121 102 13 6
1764 Because Mars is in conjunction with Venus,unless you pay my fee right now,I won't file your income tax. 1.2066 0.04533 121 101 15 5
1765 No, I'm not affiliated with the school at all. I just get notified any time there is a star next to some student's name. 1.2066 0.04682 121 102 13 6
1766 Now that you've tried and failed couples counseling, are you finally ready for a quick fix? 1.2066 0.04378 121 100 17 4
1767 Yea, I am a wiz at taxes. But if the IRS disagrees, I can whisk you a ff to a planet where the IRS will never find you 1.2065 0.05893 92 80 5 7
1768 While considering my qualifications as a Wizard, I ask that you disregard my race." 1.2063 0.04823 126 108 10 8
1769 Why do you think you need more space? 1.2063 0.04552 126 106 14 6
1770 Looking ahead at your financial future, the stars are not aligned for an early retirement. 1.2063 0.04410 126 105 16 5
1771 Yes, I see what you mean, but I'm afraid I cannot make your tax debt disappear. 1.2062 0.04620 97 79 16 2
1772 My magic spells can keep your tax returns from being audited. Unless the IRS starts using spell-check. 1.2062 0.05271 97 82 10 5
1773 I'm sorry to say that you are really out of alignment. 1.2062 0.04847 97 80 14 3
1774 As your tax wizard I suggest you move to Pluto not Wyoming for a lower your taxes. 1.2062 0.05064 97 81 12 4
1775 We'll go ahead with your surgery when Jupiter aligns with Mars. 1.2062 0.05064 97 81 12 4
1776 Because ... it was at the dry cleaner's last time." 1.2062 0.05064 97 81 12 4
1777 I'm sorry, but even I cannot help you afford a house in this market. 1.2062 0.05271 97 82 10 5
1778 I can’t promise you the stars, but I can promise you the moon. 1.2061 0.04014 131 107 21 3
1779 This session is not covered by your insurance. 1.2061 0.04296 131 109 17 5
1780 And was it your last therapist who recommended me? 1.2061 0.04431 131 110 15 6
1781 What, you think I'm a mind reader? I'm just another offbeat shrink. 1.2059 0.04692 102 84 15 3
1782 I'm afraid 'to the moon and back' isn't far enough to save your marriage. 1.2059 0.04894 102 85 13 4
1783 We specialise in intergalactic boarding school placement. We only take kids who want to shoot for the stars. 1.2059 0.04692 102 84 15 3
1784 Sit tight, folks. And I'll get back to you in a spell. 1.2059 0.04692 102 84 15 3
1785 I offer you an imagery life, it is better what you have now. 1.2059 0.04058 136 112 20 4
1786 I think you misunderstood us when we told you could turn this into "your space." 1.2056 0.04922 107 90 12 5
1787 It may surprise you, but I know very little about financial planning. 1.2056 0.05098 107 91 10 6
1788 When were you planning to go? 1.2056 0.04739 107 89 14 4
1789 Excuse me, but the name is Fred. Why do you insist upon calling me Merlin?” 1.2056 0.04550 107 88 16 3
1790 I have consulted the oracle, and am pleased to report that we will be covering your kidney transplant operation. 1.2054 0.04769 112 94 13 5
1791 My son loves your daughter. We can make this work, I hope. 1.2054 0.04233 112 91 19 2
1792 Im afraid we don’t know how to change Earl junior back from a rabbit. 1.2054 0.04935 112 95 11 6
1793 Sorry, I'm not that kind of wizard. But I make a great martini. 1.2054 0.04935 112 95 11 6
1794 Could I interest you in a one way journey? 1.2054 0.04039 112 90 21 1
1795 I’m not sure why people don’t take astrology seriously ! 1.2051 0.04467 117 97 16 4
1796 Unfortunately, I didn't have time to change after Fantasia practice. 1.2051 0.03941 117 94 22 1
1797 I'm afraid the problem is Uranus. 1.2051 0.04785 117 99 12 6
1798 And… If you get the extended warranty, you’ll get “spell“ check for an entire year! 1.2051 0.04937 117 100 10 7
1799 Yes, regardless of the price, the trip would be one way. 1.2051 0.04785 117 99 12 6
1800 And to make sure there isn't an error I always use Spell Check. 1.2049 0.04790 122 104 11 7
1801 I can make you a special deal on Pluto. 1.2049 0.04346 122 101 17 4
1802 As a fiduciary I must act in the best interest of the Universe. 1.2049 0.04346 122 101 17 4
1803 I'm pleased to hear that my clients at Oz referred you to me. 1.2049 0.04499 122 102 15 5
1804 Did you say, this planet isn't big enough for the both of you? 1.2049 0.04187 122 100 19 3
1805 Since you’re both Democrats, you’ll believe anything, so let’s get started… 1.2049 0.04790 122 104 11 7
1806 How much are you wanting to invest? 1.2049 0.04647 122 103 13 6
1807 Don't listen to those other guys, I'm the only broker that can see the future 1.2049 0.04187 122 100 19 3
1808 No you aren’t crazy, we detected voter fraud as well. 1.2049 0.04930 122 105 9 8
1809 Sorry... Marriage counselling is down the hall to the right. 1.2047 0.04519 127 107 14 6
1810 Based on my experience, you are not the first black couple seeking a less volatile planet. 1.2047 0.04378 127 106 16 5
1811 Magic is more edge. 1.2047 0.04233 127 105 18 4
1812 Yes, on our private school your son will spell enchantments on mandarin and French too 1.2045 0.05152 88 73 12 3
1813 Unfortunately, you are from Venus and your wife is from Mars. This will be a very difficult case! 1.2044 0.04162 137 114 18 5
1814 As Mercury is in retrograde, I suggest remaining overweight in blue-chips until celestial realignment. 1.2044 0.04031 137 113 20 4
1815 Were only selling one way tickets at this time 1.2042 0.04418 142 121 13 8
1816 ‘Now’s the time to put it all out in the Universe’ 1.2042 0.03940 142 117 21 4
1817 And what did you ask? I spaced out. 1.2041 0.05016 98 82 12 4
1818 No sir, your daughter was not rejected based on her race. I'm afraid we are unable to accept applicants whose birth dates fall when Mercury was in retrograde. 1.2041 0.05016 98 82 12 4
1819 I'm afraid that, in life, there are no magic answers. . . 1.2041 0.04802 98 81 14 3
1820 How do you feel Mercury being in retrograde has affected your relationship? 1.2041 0.05016 98 82 12 4
1821 As a certified cosmic seer I have certain fiduciary responsibilities. 1.2041 0.05610 98 85 6 7
1822 And that's why I don't think Jerry is a good fit for our program. He seems less interested in Astrophysics than in pretending he is the prefect of Ravenclaw. And he insists on calling me "Headmaster". 1.2041 0.04802 98 81 14 3
1823 We specialize in back-up plans for the 2024 election. 1.2041 0.04802 98 81 14 3
1824 Sadly, pulling the sword out of the stone can’t save your marriage. 1.2041 0.04577 98 80 16 2
1825 Am I any good? Why, I’m out of this world! 1.2041 0.05016 98 82 12 4
1826 It's as if your son is from another world. Very common at his age. 1.2039 0.05043 103 87 11 5
1827 We deal in facts here, gentlemen. 1.2039 0.04851 103 86 13 4
1828 Grand Wizard? No, you must be thinking of some other institution. 1.2037 0.04699 108 90 14 4
1829 Our lunar burial plots are quite popular. 1.2037 0.04511 108 89 16 3
1830 Sorry I'm late but my asteroid ran out of minerals. 1.2037 0.04511 108 89 16 3
1831 ‘Firstly, thanks for coming all the way out here..’ 1.2037 0.04699 108 90 14 4
1832 I regret to inform you that your child was ex-spelled from Wizarding School. 1.2035 0.04383 113 93 17 3
1833 Even a wizard can't solve your problems. 1.2035 0.04199 113 92 19 2
1834 We'll require full payment up front, 1.2034 0.04092 118 96 20 2
1835 It's an interesting case, but frankly I specialize in Kepler's Laws. 1.2034 0.04265 118 97 18 3
1836 I honestly don't know where the market's headed. I'm just really into outer space. 1.2034 0.04748 118 100 12 6
1837 I'm a CFP. The outfit makes me reassuring, like the ads. 1.2034 0.04092 118 96 20 2
1838 Equality? Yes...I see it someday.... 1.2034 0.04265 118 97 18 3
1839 … while Little Mikey isn’t a ‘whiz-kid’ in the traditional sense… 1.2034 0.04265 118 97 18 3
1840 Yes, there in only so much a marrage couselor can do. 1.2033 0.04612 123 104 13 6
1841 I'm afraid we lost several boys and girls from our new Astral Projection class! 1.2033 0.03822 123 99 23 1
1842 I apologize for the losses you incurred on your investments. Here at Squib Financial, we pride ourselves in providing our clients with sound advice, but we clearly did not see that coming. 1.2033 0.04612 123 104 13 6
1843 I have a spell for that but you'll probably still get audited. 1.2033 0.04465 123 103 15 5
1844 I can't prescribe magic sir, just perform it. 1.2033 0.04612 123 104 13 6
1845 Oh no, Ellen's Algebra will be excellent. It's her future Astrology grades I'm concerned about. 1.2031 0.04347 128 107 16 5
1846 You're saying that you wouldn't trust my advice on investments?! 1.2031 0.04054 128 105 20 3
1847 Yes, predicting the market has changed over the last few years. Why do you ask? 1.2031 0.04486 128 108 14 6
1848 I don’t think I’ve adequately explained the gravity of the situation 1.2031 0.04203 128 106 18 4
1849 Here, I can assure you, we think outside the box. 1.2031 0.04054 128 105 20 3
1850 I'm sorry, but your son doesn't know his ABRACADABRAs. 1.2030 0.04498 133 113 13 7
1851 I was a psychologist at NASA, but found astrology to be more helpful when counseling married couples. 1.2030 0.04237 133 111 17 5
1852 My staff can make it happen for you. 1.2030 0.04100 133 110 19 4
1853 Yes doc, I see your point 1.2029 0.04135 138 115 18 5
1854 She's from Venus and you're from Mars. Welcome to cosmic counselling! 1.2029 0.03870 138 113 22 3
1855 I don't see a one bedroom in New York City for less than 4 grand. 1.2029 0.04261 138 116 16 6
1856 What's it worth to get your son into Hogwarts? 1.2028 0.04389 143 122 13 8
1857 The other attorneys call me "The Wizard of Laws." 1.2028 0.04275 143 121 15 7
1858 I used to do children’s birthday parties but there is more money in this. 1.2021 0.05147 94 79 11 4
1859 ..and so I had to have the hat custom made. 1.2021 0.05775 94 82 5 7
1860 I'm afraid your child can't tell which end is up. 1.2020 0.04969 99 83 12 4
1861 You must remember that every journey begins with just a single light year. 1.2020 0.04758 99 82 14 3
1862 I'm sure you'll agree, there's a lot more space in the office now. 1.2020 0.05173 99 84 10 5
1863 You’re not alone, King Arthur and Guinevere had similar problems. 1.2020 0.04969 99 83 12 4
1864 We at Coo, Cluck & Plan are here to help you. 1.2020 0.04969 99 83 12 4
1865 Sorry, we don't deal in facts here. 1.2020 0.04758 99 82 14 3
1866 Since you are people of color, I should start by saying that this outfit I'm wearing is exactly what you fear it may be. We dropped all white years ago. Now, give me your Zodiacs. 1.2020 0.04536 99 81 16 2
1867 Unfortunately our space program has lost a lot of funding since your son convinced all basketball fans the earth is flat. 1.2020 0.05368 99 85 8 6
1868 Did you think these tuition checks magically wrote themselves? 1.2019 0.05182 104 89 9 6
1869 No, I don’t have a pointy head. 1.2019 0.04808 104 87 13 4
1870 Let me get this straight: you are phycicists from MIT and you want me to send you inside a black hole and back so you can win the Nobel prize? 1.2019 0.04998 104 88 11 5
1871 I'm sorry to tell that your son is not a wizard, he's just really, really stupid. 1.2019 0.05182 104 89 9 6
1872 The decor and costume are in keeping with the astronomical fees I charge. 1.2019 0.04402 104 85 17 2
1873 I’m sorry to disappoint you, but you’ll have to go to Harvard or Yale. Your SAT scores were simply too high to get in here. 1.2019 0.04808 104 87 13 4
1874 Unfortunately, your child is a Scorpio moon. 1.2019 0.04998 104 88 11 5
1875 Seriously? Every single therapist? 1.2018 0.04839 109 92 12 5
1876 So Why did you choose us over all the other travel agencies? 1.2018 0.04839 109 92 12 5
1877 Your refund will appear in three weeks. 1.2018 0.04855 114 97 11 6
1878 Sorry, just because we're on Pluto does not mean this is a plutocracy. 1.2018 0.04855 114 97 11 6
1879 I know a few tricks for building your portfolio. 1.2018 0.04349 114 94 17 3
1880 I can get you into a Saturn plan for just 90 thousand a week. 1.2018 0.04692 114 96 13 5
1881 And that’s when I knew I shouldn’t have done ayahuasca. 1.2018 0.04692 114 96 13 5
1882 When did you say the magic left your marriage? 1.2017 0.04557 119 100 14 5
1883 The good news is I finished your taxes. 1.2017 0.04398 119 99 16 4
1884 I told You not to take the ambien & sonata tonight. 1.2017 0.04557 119 100 14 5
1885 Let me just start by saying your child's work is out of this world 1.2017 0.04233 119 98 18 3
1886 No, I can't fix your marriage by waving a magic wand, because your insurance doesn't cover it. 1.2017 0.04233 119 98 18 3
1887 What did you expect a spacesuit to look like? 1.2017 0.04398 119 99 16 4
1888 I advise you to stay at home for 4 years and wear a mask whenever you leave the house. 1.2017 0.04859 119 102 10 7
1889 Our firms’ approach to wealth management is unique. 1.2017 0.04711 119 101 12 6
1890 Nobody told me we stopped doing Casual Friday’s. 1.2016 0.04578 124 105 13 6
1891 I’m not a magician! 1.2016 0.04282 124 103 17 4
1892 No, men and women aren't from Mars or Venus. We are all from Xlonflorp-7. 1.2016 0.04282 124 103 17 4
1893 Sorry, but there are no more rentals here at this time...You'l have to move to a new galaxy. 1.2016 0.04432 124 104 15 5
1894 As your divorce lawyer, I'm sensing some tension in the room. As your astrologist, I probably should've seen this coming. 1.2016 0.04432 124 104 15 5
1895 Look you two wanted magical marital miracle. Reality costs extra. 1.2016 0.03963 124 101 21 2
1896 Before I make your problems disappear, you will need to read and agree with these terms and condition. 1.2016 0.04126 124 102 19 3
1897 … Magic is not an exact science 1.2016 0.04578 124 105 13 6
1898 Sure, I can work magic and align all types of planets, but save your marriage? Some things only God can do 1.2016 0.04588 129 110 12 7
1899 We can give your son a diploma in astronomy for $10,000 telescope included. 1.2016 0.04316 129 108 16 5
1900 No, I’m not sure how to cause “a series of little, tiny quakes on Mars”. And why would you want me to do that, anyway?° 1.2016 0.04316 129 108 16 5
1901 We offer couples packages that are magical! 1.2016 0.04173 129 107 18 4
1902 Yes, it is literally men are from Mars, and women are from Venus. 1.2015 0.04073 134 111 19 4
1903 The ad actually stated "council" not "counsel." I think you might have been mislead by the part that suggested I had a history of representing several "star" clients. 1.2000 0.04798 110 93 12 5
1904 Tell me again how the magic has gone out of your relationship. 1.2000 0.05312 95 81 9 5
1905 When astrology goes corporate. 1.2000 0.05312 95 81 9 5
1906 Sorry, I can't wave a magic wand and get your Crypto money back. 1.2000 0.04364 105 86 17 2
1907 This hat isn’t going to pay for itself. 1.2000 0.04314 115 95 17 3
1908 At Magic Wand University with have a perfect graduation rate. 1.2000 0.03998 130 107 20 3
1909 Does either one of you have specific questions about your IRS report and our conclusions? 1.2000 0.04045 135 112 19 4
1910 So, I imagine you're wondering why I called you here today. 1.2000 0.04924 100 84 12 4
1911 We reserve the lowest mortgage rates to level 4 initiates. Would you like to get started on the paperwork? 1.2000 0.04872 95 79 13 3
1912 Although the IRS doesn’t generally recognize astrology as a valid tax analysis tool, their current staffing levels make it fully appropriate for out-of-this-world savings! 1.2000 0.05288 90 76 10 4
1913 I'm only credentialed to enact semi-miraculous reconciliations. 1.2000 0.05318 100 86 8 6
1914 And is that your only sun? 1.2000 0.04149 105 85 19 1
1915 I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but Jupiter didn't actually align with Mars. 1.2000 0.04149 105 85 19 1
1916 Your transcendental journey has been interrupted by supply chain issues, but I can put you in a used Prius for a fair price. 1.2000 0.04286 130 109 16 5
1917 Your timeshare on Jupiter will be absolutely amazing, believe me. 1.2000 0.05125 100 85 10 5
1918 I'll take you to realms unseen, help you move between multiversal planes, and link you to unseen cosmic forces - oh, and I can validate your parking, too. 1.2000 0.04621 110 92 14 4
1919 I hate to be a Debbie Downer Diviner,but the cosmos will be of no use stopping his snoring. 1.2000 0.04621 110 92 14 4
1920 I still don't understand how you want me to make your problems disappear. 1.2000 0.04674 120 102 12 6
1921 It depends on how long you can wait, but I forsee being able to move to another planet being possible within the next millennium or so. 1.2000 0.04364 120 100 16 4
1922 What makes you think I'm a magician? 1.2000 0.04924 100 84 12 4
1923 The Court has ruled that the stars aren’t aligned to grant you justice in this case. 1.2000 0.05047 90 75 12 3
1924 You have nothing to worry about, I’m a real legal wizard. 1.2000 0.04766 105 88 13 4
1925 So from where I sit, I don't see any reason you wouldn't want to join our highly esteemed organization. 1.2000 0.04654 115 97 13 5
1926 Sorry, we only have one way tickets to Mars. 1.2000 0.03945 115 93 21 1
1927 I assure you,I'm not that kind of Grand Wizard. 1.2000 0.04149 105 85 19 1
1928 I suggest your daughter switch from political to intergalactic science. 1.2000 0.04364 120 100 16 4
1929 Let’s try some Magic: The Gathering. 1.2000 0.04924 100 84 12 4
1930 Don’t worry. It’s not tax evasion. It’s just magic. 1.2000 0.04621 110 92 14 4
1931 Don't let the posters fool you. 1.2000 0.04399 125 105 15 5
1932 So, you want me to take your son on a tour in space for his birthday? Don't you think an autograph would do? 1.2000 0.04714 100 83 14 3
1933 Yes, well, Gerard is undeniably gifted, but his propensity for turning the younger students into frogs is causing some concern 1.2000 0.04621 110 92 14 4
1934 And you expect me to believe you just 'wand-ered' in here by accident? 1.2000 0.05047 90 75 12 3
1935 Were you expecting Mickey Mouse? 1.2000 0.05125 100 85 10 5
1936 Technically a CPA, but that wizard label can really stick. 1.1986 0.04054 141 118 18 5
1937 When it comes to the market, none of us has a crystal ball. JK, I totally do. 1.1985 0.03737 136 111 23 2
1938 Reports from the summer camp on Jupiter are that your son has, indeed, gotten stupider. 1.1985 0.04255 131 110 16 5
1939 Could I interest you in one of our No-Load Multidimensional Funds? 1.1985 0.04776 131 114 8 9
1940 The other option is to cast the wedding ring into the fires of Mount Doom in Mordor. 1.1984 0.04066 126 104 19 3
1941 Sir I’m just playing wizard. For the last time, I can’t predict your wife’s mood based on the stars 1.1984 0.04219 126 105 17 4
1942 All the signs are there. This time-share will prove to be a stellar investment indeed. 1.1983 0.04331 121 101 16 4
1943 You gotta look at all the factors. Yeah, the yield curve on the 10 year T-bill is in negative territory, but Jupiter is retrograde. I say buy. 1.1983 0.04638 121 103 12 6
1944 Let me guess, you are here about the balloon problem. 1.1983 0.04638 121 103 12 6
1945 Why in the world wouldn't you want to make America great again? 1.1983 0.04452 116 97 15 4
1946 Yes, I'm the "Tax Wizard" on TV. But, come on, I'm not a magician. 1.1983 0.04280 116 96 17 3
1947 If I’m not clear , I can use sign language. 1.1982 0.04400 111 92 16 3
1948 How the hell do I know? I just like the outfit. 1.1982 0.04400 111 92 16 3
1949 cryptocurencies; or "plastics" 1.1982 0.04400 111 92 16 3
1950 I understand you’d like to revive the magic in your marriage. 1.1982 0.04400 111 92 16 3
1951 And then he said that you were crazy? 1.1982 0.04400 111 92 16 3
1952 The stars are just not aligning on this one 1.1982 0.04758 111 94 12 5
1953 When you die you will have eternal consciousness. But my fee is payable up front. 1.1982 0.04582 111 93 14 4
1954 I’m just your financial advisor, not a magician. 1.1982 0.04582 111 93 14 4
1955 As an educator, I pride myself on turning whiz kids into whiz adults. 1.1981 0.04530 106 88 15 3
1956 The earth is flat. So are my rates! 1.1981 0.04327 106 87 17 2
1957 Well no, not the financial kind. 1.1981 0.04530 106 88 15 3
1958 This is not what I was picturing when you said 'therapist for the stars' 1.1981 0.05090 106 91 9 6
1959 and Melania will be the top announcer on Fox 1.1981 0.04724 106 89 13 4
1960 We'll get to all that. What signs are you? 1.1981 0.04724 106 89 13 4
1961 What is your stance on Jim Crow ? 1.1981 0.04724 106 89 13 4
1962 'Having me as your primary physician means that you will benefit from my knowledge of the occult, as well as being able to have access to all of the medicines you've seen advertised on TV!' 1.1981 0.05264 106 92 7 7
1963 It's nobody's fault. Your signs are incompatible. 1.1981 0.04114 106 86 19 1
1964 Your son has been grounded after a levitation incident. 1.1980 0.05078 101 86 10 5
1965 So, your daughter wants to be a star. 1.1980 0.04454 101 83 16 2
1966 Maybe in some other universe. 1.1980 0.04671 101 84 14 3
1967 But I told you.... I'm not a mind reader. 1.1980 0.05269 101 87 8 6
1968 Your portfolio is safe in my hands. 1.1980 0.04671 101 84 14 3
1969 You say that the magic has gone out of your marriage. That’s why I’m here. 1.1980 0.04879 101 85 12 4
1970 I think I can get you a ticket to Mars. I understand they are getting more popular 1.1980 0.04879 101 85 12 4
1971 Are you accusing us of magical thinking? 1.1980 0.04879 101 85 12 4
1972 I practice a more non-traditional financial planning. 1.1980 0.04226 101 82 18 1
1973 I'm afraid to tell you that your marital issues can't be solved, even with magic. 1.1979 0.04593 96 79 15 2
1974 I can't work magic, but you never know. 1.1979 0.04826 96 80 13 3
1975 With the decline in science based thinking, Astrology is the most popular minor at the university now. 1.1979 0.04593 96 79 15 2
1976 Usually my assistant, Mickey, would be here to help, but he's been very busy taking care of business down in Florida. 1.1979 0.05465 96 83 7 6
1977 My fees aren't outlandish when you consider that I can see into the future. 1.1979 0.05048 96 81 11 4
1978 No, all signs point to an audit because I'm a terrible CPA. 1.1978 0.05234 91 77 10 4
1979 Well, you said it would take a wizard to save your marriage 1.1978 0.05234 91 77 10 4
1980 Voodoo economics simply don’t pay returns like ours. 1.1978 0.05463 91 78 8 5
1981 What makes you think I'm some kind of marriage wizard? 1.1977 0.05441 86 73 9 4
1982 We're sure your daughter is safe, but we're not sure exactly where she is... 1.1977 0.05441 86 73 9 4
1983 I'm a magician, not a shrink! 1.1971 0.03565 137 111 25 1
1984 Unfortunately, this isn't your standard abracadabra situation. 1.1971 0.03854 137 113 21 3
1985 When I said my advice is "outside the box", I really meant "out of this world". 1.1971 0.04123 137 115 17 5
1986 Your sun is a star! 1.1970 0.04087 132 110 18 4
1987 Take two asteroids and call me in the morning!” 1.1969 0.04336 127 107 15 5
1988 You need to give each other more space. 1.1969 0.04336 127 107 15 5
1989 Yes, it’s a Ten Billion Year mortgage but then you’ll own your own planet! 1.1969 0.04336 127 107 15 5
1990 Your son’s inability to spell is affecting his grades. 1.1967 0.04454 122 103 14 5
1991 I'm sorry to tell you; you were born on the wrong planet... 1.1967 0.04603 122 104 12 6
1992 Your future happiness depends on your incontrovertible belief in what I'm about to reveal. 1.1967 0.04299 122 102 16 4
1993 For a couple like you, looking for space, you've come to the right man." 1.1967 0.04138 122 101 18 3
1994 No, it's Larry, not Harry 1.1966 0.04417 117 98 15 4
1995 So many Americans want to escape our gravity belt for another, less politically fraught planet that I'm afraid it's really the worst possible time to be planning this kind of trip. 1.1966 0.05040 117 102 7 8
1996 Frankly, you should've left the womb two days earlier and been a Libra instead of a Scorpio. 1.1966 0.04247 117 97 17 3
1997 I know it says 'Dr Aziw' in the ad, but unfortunately it was printed backwards 1.1966 0.04247 117 97 17 3
1998 What about a duplex on Mars? 1.1966 0.04070 117 96 19 2
1999 In the world of marriage counseling, I'm known as a "Wizard" -- not an Einstein! 1.1964 0.04176 112 92 18 2
2000 So tell me why you decided to try planetary therepy. 1.1964 0.04886 112 96 10 6
2001 Dunce? Of course not -- I assure you I'm a wizard! 1.1964 0.04364 112 93 16 3
2002 I can make your portfolio reappear. But I must ask you not to question my methods. 1.1964 0.04545 112 94 14 4
2003 Unfortunately, your enchantment did default. 1.1964 0.04545 112 94 14 4
2004 Taxes? Let me see...No, no taxes on Uranus. And I have a budget plan to get you there! 1.1964 0.04545 112 94 14 4
2005 Oz is one of our most popular destinations. 1.1964 0.04545 112 94 14 4
2006 Can you explain why your son believes the earth is flat? 1.1964 0.03979 112 91 20 1
2007 Your savings have…disappeared! 1.1964 0.04718 112 95 12 5
2008 It sounds like you each need more space in your marriage. 1.1963 0.04080 107 87 19 1
2009 I’m not some accountant that can just calculate a bunch of numbers for you… 1.1963 0.04491 107 89 15 3
2010 Forget Federal and State. Let's talk about universal taxation. 1.1963 0.04868 107 91 11 5
2011 Hi, I’m Rod and I’ll be handling your account from here on out. Bill had to step away from the company because he realized we’re adult magicians and he shot himself in the head. 1.1963 0.04491 107 89 15 3
2012 I'm the man behind the curtain. 1.1963 0.04290 107 88 17 2
2013 For obvious reasons, I changed from my white robe and hood. 1.1963 0.04683 107 90 13 4
2014 Yes, this is the official astronomer uniform 1.1963 0.04491 107 89 15 3
2015 The interest rate on your mortgage loan is currently in a 20 degree ascension above the ecliptic. 1.1961 0.04629 102 85 14 3
2016 So, you’re saying you’re having galactic problems… 1.1961 0.05221 102 88 8 6
2017 We appreciate your interest in Cosmological Condominiums, but our remaining units have been bought out by SpaceX. 1.1961 0.05031 102 87 10 5
2018 Your regular genie is out with COVID. 1.1961 0.04629 102 85 14 3
2019 Once you've finished my program, at least you'll find it comforting to know that you tried absolutely everything. 1.1961 0.04835 102 86 12 4
2020 So you are comfortable being inter-spacial adoptees 1.1959 0.04550 97 80 15 2
2021 Only my family calls me "Merlin." Please call me "Mickey." 1.1959 0.05412 97 84 7 6
2022 We specialize in booking one-way non-stop flights. 1.1959 0.04780 97 81 13 3
2023 That's a tall ask...I fabricate things out of thin air but I'm no politician 1.1959 0.04780 97 81 13 3
2024 Ok,last guess, is it the ten of clubs. 1.1959 0.04780 97 81 13 3
2025 I've reviewed your aura, and the results aren't good 1.1959 0.04308 97 79 17 1
2026 With the moon in the seventh house, and Jupiter aligned with Mars, our market analysts consider this a great time to invest. 1.1957 0.05182 92 78 10 4
2027 So, you could easily trade your Lunar timeshare with a Martian timeshare. 1.1955 0.03916 133 110 20 3
2028 I predict that within a year, GOP states will declare your votes to be worth only 3/5’s of a white person. 1.1953 0.04159 128 107 17 4
2029 I’m afraid your planet’s orbit is unstable. I can’t understate the gravity of the situation. 1.1953 0.04008 128 106 19 3
2030 By “stellar” rates we mean out of this world. 1.1951 0.04107 123 102 18 3
2031 I'll find you tax deductions beyond your wildest dreams. 1.1951 0.04107 123 102 18 3
2032 It's not the stars you need to be worried about, it's your bank account. 1.1951 0.04267 123 103 16 4
2033 Yes, Proctastrology is a thing. I mean: “The moon.” “Uranus.” I didn’t make those up. 1.1949 0.04383 118 99 15 4
2034 Your mother wanted the entirety of her estate placed in orbit. 1.1949 0.04383 118 99 15 4
2035 Take two potions and call me in the morning. 1.1949 0.04214 118 98 17 3
2036 You need to get the vaccine. 1.1949 0.04702 118 101 11 6
2037 In April, we all discover that accounting is not an exact science. 1.1949 0.04545 118 100 13 5
2038 I understand your concerns, but the church of Scientology is perfectly normal. 1.1949 0.04039 118 97 19 2
2039 Mr. and Mrs. Tyson, your son isn’t prepared to be an astrologer. 1.1949 0.04039 118 97 19 2
2040 Our annual review process is pretty much a black hole, if the stars align. 1.1947 0.04508 113 95 14 4
2041 As your tax advisor, I think the sky is the limit for your future! 1.1947 0.04508 113 95 14 4
2042 Oh, we just changed our costumes. 1.1947 0.04329 113 94 16 3
2043 Yes, but I'm the sorcerer with the best outfit. 1.1947 0.04508 113 95 14 4
2044 If you end up divorced, I’ll waive the co-pay. How’s that?” 1.1947 0.04329 113 94 16 3
2045 I sense by the looks on your faces that you are uncomfortable with cultural appropriation. 1.1944 0.04643 108 91 13 4
2046 I'm sorry guys, Hogwarts already has Cho Chang. Rowling says that's the limit. 1.1944 0.04453 108 90 15 3
2047 You want to give each other space? 1.1944 0.05002 108 93 9 6
2048 Your 90 minutes are almost up. 1.1944 0.03976 144 121 18 5
2049 This week I'm having a special on a spell that I think will be perfect for you. 1.1944 0.04453 108 90 15 3
2050 I’m a financial advisor, not a fortune teller. 1.1944 0.04643 108 91 13 4
2051 I think you wanted an ASTROLOGIST. 1.1944 0.04826 108 92 11 5
2052 To be honest, we're not really interested in buying a time-share, we’re just here for the free gift. 1.1942 0.04153 103 84 18 1
2053 I don’t yet have my real estate license but I can make magic happen for you in finding the exotic faraway place you hoped to afford. By the way, did you bring any sushi? 1.1942 0.04986 103 88 10 5
2054 My parents pushed me to go into science, but I've always preferred the arts. 1.1942 0.04588 103 86 14 3
2055 You say in your relationship that you no longer see stars. 1.1942 0.04791 103 87 12 4
2056 I'm afraid your signs aren't even in the same solar system 1.1942 0.04376 103 85 16 2
2057 The unfortunate part outside of this world is that you will still have to pay property taxes. 1.1942 0.04791 103 87 12 4
2058 I can assure you Timmy is fine and he hope to return him back to human form as quickly as possible" 1.1942 0.04986 103 88 10 5
2059 I understand you want the magic formular of a happy marriage. 1.1942 0.04986 103 88 10 5
2060 So you feel you're light years apart in your marriage. 1.1942 0.04986 103 88 10 5
2061 We provide stellar service, but space is tight. 1.1940 0.04168 134 113 16 5
2062 Are you sure it was a dream? 1.1940 0.04300 134 114 14 6
2063 I could show you the worlds. 1.1939 0.05361 98 85 7 6
2064 What??? Who do you think I am? A wizard?? 1.1939 0.04735 98 82 13 3
2065 Astrologically speaking, you’re screwed! 1.1939 0.05161 98 84 9 5
2066 "I wouldn't say your son is a bad child. He just can't spell." 1.1939 0.04735 98 82 13 3
2067 I'm sorry but your son was born just after midnight on March 21 which makes him an Aries. We're really looking for a Pisces. 1.1939 0.05161 98 84 9 5
2068 Which type of “whizzing” did you have in mind. 1.1939 0.04508 98 81 15 2
2069 Unfortunately, our policy now requires that you are granted written permission from all cosmic, ephemeral, transitory and- most importantly, STATE agencies involved. 1.1938 0.03980 129 107 19 3
2070 I am sorry but the Mars child care program is already filled - Jupiter may have an opening. 1.1938 0.03980 129 107 19 3
2071 The planets say that your hairline will only continue to recede. 1.1935 0.03913 124 102 20 2
2072 Your Retirement money is in a far happier place now. 1.1935 0.04387 124 105 14 5
2073 Predicting the stock market is not a science. 1.1935 0.04077 124 103 18 3
2074 Ned Wozniak: Private Astronomer 1.1935 0.05353 93 80 8 5
2075 By attending this school, you and your bank account will learn what a black hole is 1.1935 0.05130 93 79 10 4
2076 You can afford a starter home on Mars. I can get you one with air conditioning. Think of it as a way of working your way to a beautiful home with a view on Venus. You'll be able to retire on Earth. 1.1935 0.04235 124 104 16 4
2077 What do you have against pointed hats? 1.1935 0.04235 124 104 16 4
2078 I'm trying everything I can think of to improve your son's terrible academic performance 1.1933 0.04815 119 103 9 7
2079 Real-world advice is way overrated. 1.1933 0.04509 119 101 13 5
2080 Yes, I am also certified for your investments in this dimension. 1.1930 0.04294 114 95 16 3
2081 Unfortunately, We still don't really have it down to a science. 1.1930 0.04471 114 96 14 4
2082 Rest assured, our approach to cryptocurrency trading is highly scientific. 1.1930 0.04294 114 95 16 3
2083 A one-way trip, are you sure? 1.1930 0.04294 114 95 16 3
2084 So far, there’s been no response to treatment. We’ve tried everything from “alakazam” to “bippity boppity boo.” 1.1930 0.04294 114 95 16 3
2085 Our firm does offer augmentus spells for your 401K at a nominal fee. 1.1928 0.05272 83 70 10 3
2086 Sure, Neil deGrasse Tyson has a bunch of fancy degrees, a TV show and a really cool space tie… but I have this hat. 1.1927 0.04416 109 91 15 3
2087 Based on your horoscope, I recommend a diversified portfolio. 1.1927 0.04219 109 90 17 2
2088 You need a little more space in your relationship! 1.1927 0.04604 109 92 13 4
2089 Your fate is in the stars 1.1926 0.04139 135 114 16 5
2090 No. This is not an updated Klan outfit. 1.1923 0.04749 104 88 12 4
2091 Michelangelo's entire sculpture won't be invisible. Just the penis. 1.1923 0.04941 104 89 10 5
2092 When Uranus teams up with Mars, all your problems will be solved.. That will be $6000.00 1.1923 0.04941 104 89 10 5
2093 Your tax bill is out of this world. 1.1923 0.04338 104 86 16 2
2094 I'm sorry, we're all out of brains, courage and heart. But if you'd like, we're running a special this week on chutzpah. 1.1923 0.04941 104 89 10 5
2095 You came to the right place for financial planning. 1.1923 0.04749 104 88 12 4
2096 I’m not that kind of wizard. I’m just really good at doing taxes. 1.1923 0.04548 104 87 14 3
2097 Now tell me, what is it about this outfit that seems to make everybody think I’m a wizard? 1.1923 0.04749 104 88 12 4
2098 Frankly Mr. and Mrs. Riddle, it’s a case of Fool me once, shame on you… 1.1920 0.04500 125 107 12 6
2099 The hat's just until the hair plugs are established. 1.1919 0.05112 99 85 9 5
2100 Our 5 Star Program can help you achieve stellar returns. 1.1919 0.04691 99 83 13 3
2101 There are marriage problems on every planet, yes. 1.1919 0.04691 99 83 13 3
2102 I’m afraid we’ll have to hold him back if he can’t learn to fly on a broomstick. 1.1917 0.04475 120 102 13 5
2103 Space insurance is becoming increasingly necessary these days. 1.1917 0.04628 120 103 11 6
2104 We only offer one way travel tickets to the stars. 1.1917 0.04628 120 103 11 6
2105 So you’re looking to put a little magic back into your sex life? 1.1917 0.04475 120 102 13 5
2106 Well, I have your test results, and let’s just say I can no longer tell your future. 1.1917 0.04315 120 101 15 4
2107 Am I accredited? No, why do you ask? 1.1915 0.05079 94 80 10 4
2108 You said, 'I need my own space.' I can help. 1.1915 0.05300 94 81 8 5
2109 We provide the Muskatel for your “Trip” 1.1915 0.05300 94 81 8 5
2110 It's casual Friday here at the bank. 1.1915 0.04849 94 79 12 3
2111 The white one is in the wash. 1.1915 0.05300 94 81 8 5
2112 I didn't believe it either but in just under one week, you too can earn a PhD in astrology 1.1915 0.05300 94 81 8 5
2113 Its a a verry long term real estate play. 1.1913 0.04435 115 97 14 4
2114 Look, I wish there was a magic wand I could wave to make your problems just disappear, but the truth is, I've misplaced it. 1.1913 0.04077 115 95 18 2
2115 What questions do you have about your vacation in outerspace? 1.1913 0.04435 115 97 14 4
2116 We tried several investment strategies, and this one worked as well as any. 1.1913 0.04260 115 96 16 3
2117 This probably shouldn’t come as a surprise, but I earned my degree at the University of Make-Pretend. 1.1913 0.04767 115 99 10 6
2118 I’m a magician not a doctor 1.1913 0.04260 115 96 16 3
2119 Wizard? Absolutely. Financially speaking though I’m more of a risk manager. 1.1913 0.04435 115 97 14 4
2120 Your uncle said he's still not speaking to you. 1.1910 0.05507 89 77 7 5
2121 Today we're going to do some role-playing. You'll be from Venus, and your husband will be from Mars. 1.1910 0.05270 89 76 9 4
2122 I said I’m sorry for making you black. What more do you want me to do? 1.1909 0.04565 110 93 13 4
2123 Step 1 is to admit powerlessness over Star Trek programs 1.1909 0.04184 110 91 17 2
2124 And here at Enchanted Time-Shares Inc., we have investment opportunities that are out of this world. 1.1909 0.04565 110 93 13 4
2125 Why yes,there ARE soul food restaurants in the Land of Oz. 1.1909 0.04184 110 91 17 2
2126 I'm the head wizard, not the Grand Wizard, to be clear. 1.1909 0.04184 110 91 17 2
2127 It’s nothing to be ashamed of. Many couples choose cosmic uncoupling. 1.1909 0.04745 110 94 11 5
2128 Don’t worry, it makes no difference who you are. 1.1909 0.04917 110 95 9 6
2129 I promise to get you both onto the next plane. 1.1908 0.04071 131 110 17 4
2130 Before I give you the results, let me tell you a story about a galaxy far, far away. 1.1905 0.04173 126 106 16 4
2131 I recommend filing jointly because you're both Scorpios. 1.1905 0.04631 84 69 14 1
2132 Your session will end when I wave my magic wand. 1.1905 0.05482 84 72 8 4
2133 No,no,the hat just matched the robe so well. 1.1905 0.05214 84 71 10 3
2134 Without a legacy preference your child is just not getting into Hogwarts 1.1905 0.04897 105 90 10 5
2135 You can invest with us. It's going to be a soft landing. 1.1905 0.04897 105 90 10 5
2136 I called the two of you in because I don’t have a clue about what’s going on out there! 1.1905 0.04508 105 88 14 3
2137 Well if your wife was abducted by aliens you’ve come to the right guy to find her! 1.1905 0.04707 105 89 12 4
2138 Sorry I can't read your horoscope now.The moon presently is in the 7th house which happens to be an AirBnB. 1.1905 0.04508 105 88 14 3
2139 Give it to me straight. Am I a Cancer? 1.1905 0.04707 105 89 12 4
2140 In other words, yes, she's going to die. 1.1905 0.04508 105 88 14 3
2141 I could recommend Viagra,but for just an extra $29.99 I could give you a love potion. 1.1905 0.05258 105 92 6 7
2142 I can make a bunch of expenses appear and most of your income disappear. 1.1905 0.04508 105 88 14 3
2143 I see that your stars are beginning to be aligned! 1.1905 0.04508 105 88 14 3
2144 My treatment recommendation may surprise you, but I’m going to recommend magic. 1.1905 0.04707 105 89 12 4
2145 When the moon is in the eighth house, your wife will be taking yours 1.1900 0.04861 100 85 11 4
2146 I think I know your problem. Men are from Mars and women are from Venus. 1.1900 0.04861 100 85 11 4
2147 Abracadabra. You’re gay. 1.1900 0.04648 100 84 13 3
2148 If you don't believe in the stars, I have some sacrificed animal entrails for you to look at." 1.1898 0.04083 137 116 16 5
2149 As your travel consultant, all I can say is that you’ll have a magical experience. 1.1897 0.04226 116 97 16 3
2150 We are here Mr. Tarot because she says you turned over The Empress on the deck 1.1897 0.04226 116 97 16 3
2151 No you cant see your children. They are in the Sea Org. 1.1897 0.04226 116 97 16 3
2152 Alternative investments are our specialty... We will always have a way to contact your money... 1.1897 0.04729 116 100 10 6
2153 So unfortunately, I can't make your marital issues disappear. 1.1897 0.04226 116 97 16 3
2154 I recommend a Short Sale, the asteroid hits a week from Friday. 1.1895 0.05247 95 82 8 5
2155 When PIMCO aligns with Vanguard and Fidelity is in retrograde, we'll bet the farm on Elon. 1.1895 0.05247 95 82 8 5
2156 When the moon is in the seventh house And Jupiter aligns with Mars…… 1.1895 0.04802 95 80 12 3
2157 Dragons are tax deductible. Aardvarks are not. Astro-art is more of a long term investment. My guess is these behind me are now worth millions. My children haven't spoken to me in years, so they get nothing. Let's order some Peking duck. Burrrrp! 1.1895 0.05247 95 82 8 5
2158 Every celestial body has a unique non-fungible token, you see… 1.1892 0.04150 111 92 17 2
2159 The stars tell me it's going to cost $250 per hour. 1.1892 0.04343 111 93 15 3
2160 I could just wave a magic wand to make your problems go away, but would you be any happier? 1.1892 0.04343 111 93 15 3
2161 You’ve been misinformed. We’re not a charm school 1.1892 0.04343 111 93 15 3
2162 No, really, I am NOT that kind of grand wizard! 1.1892 0.04527 111 94 13 4
2163 Who farted? 1.1892 0.04527 111 94 13 4
2164 Mr. Mendez, please. Scientology is not a laughing matter. 1.1892 0.04527 111 94 13 4
2165 The intergalactic laxative will get you from here to there. 1.1892 0.04876 111 96 9 6
2166 Well, I consulted with the stars. But they haven’t seen your keys, either. 1.1892 0.04150 111 92 17 2
2167 As former Special Envoys to Pluto, we were hoping you would consider being guest speakers for this year's "Second Career Day" 1.1892 0.03948 111 91 19 1
2168 We've got some lovely properties in your price range, but they're a bit far out of the city. 1.1890 0.04291 127 108 14 5
2169 You should find my advice heavenly, but with my rates very down to earth 1.1890 0.04434 127 109 12 6
2170 "You have a question about the STEM school uniforms?" 1.1890 0.03989 127 106 18 3
2171 Unlike other therapists I guarantee to put the magic back in your relationship 1.1889 0.04440 90 74 15 1
2172 Did you say it was Merlin or Gandaff who sent you? 1.1889 0.04713 90 75 13 2
2173 Richard, don’t you see how telling Mary that you love her to the moon and back could make her feel a little under appreciated? 1.1889 0.04713 90 75 13 2
2174 So you say you want to put magic back into your relationship? 1.1887 0.03818 106 86 20 0
2175 In my expert opinion, the magic in your relationship is dead and you should split up. 1.1887 0.04854 106 91 10 5
2176 You wouldn't believe the place where I can see your future is. 1.1887 0.04854 106 91 10 5
2177 Of course, we accept Medicare Advantage--Welcome aboard! 1.1887 0.04469 106 89 14 3
2178 Let’s concentrate on the big picture. 1.1887 0.04263 106 88 16 2
2179 I can't just wave a magic wand and make all this go away 1.1887 0.04469 106 89 14 3
2180 This couples therapist is truly an out-of-this-world wizard 1.1887 0.04854 106 91 10 5
2181 You’re welcome to sit for a spell. 1.1887 0.04469 106 89 14 3
2182 I can’t do THAT. What do you think I am, so sort of wizard?! 1.1887 0.04469 106 89 14 3
2183 So you said you wanna kick off your retirement with a vacation that’s ‘out of this world’… 1.1887 0.04263 106 88 16 2
2184 I hope you don’t think there’s a magic formula for saving your marriage. 1.1885 0.04407 122 104 13 5
2185 Did you enjoy your ride on the Tunnel of Love on the way in?” 1.1885 0.04407 122 104 13 5
2186 No, I am an astronomy teacher, not a grand wizard. 1.1885 0.04407 122 104 13 5
2187 Due to recent budget cuts, NASA has had to compromise on a few things. 1.1885 0.04088 122 102 17 3
2188 Yes, I understand your son intended to enroll in astronomy but perhaps he should have taken a course in spelling first. 1.1882 0.05916 85 75 4 6
2189 Hogwarts? No, sorry, never heard of it. 1.1882 0.05422 85 73 8 4
2190 You see,after our last session it became clear that you think I am a magician. So today,I chose my attire accordingly. 1.1881 0.05017 101 87 9 5
2191 You're right your problems are out of this world 1.1881 0.04606 101 85 13 3
2192 You're not really expecting me to perform miracles, are you? 1.1881 0.05017 101 87 9 5
2193 I bet you're looking for cosmetic surgery not cosmic surgery. 1.1881 0.04386 101 84 15 2
2194 Back in the day I was originally a cone head 1.1881 0.04154 101 83 17 1
2195 Don’t worry, I don’t buy that mercury in retrograde mumbo jumbo 1.1881 0.04606 101 85 13 3
2196 I agree my outfit can be somewhat problematic. 1.1881 0.04606 101 85 13 3
2197 They say no one can hear you fart in space 1.1881 0.04606 101 85 13 3
2198 Of course I’m trying to trick you. 1.1881 0.04386 101 84 15 2
2199 As your attorney and astrological advisor, I strongly suggest you wait until Jupiter aligns with Mars in this matter. 1.1881 0.04816 101 86 11 4
2200 « I really need you to take me seriously on this » 1.1881 0.05017 101 87 9 5
2201 The stars say that you will hire me for your child’s birthday party. 1.1880 0.04691 117 101 10 6
2202 So , thank your lucky stars you found me 1.1880 0.04531 117 100 12 5
2203 We are equal opportunity but we're casting munchkins. 1.1880 0.04531 117 100 12 5
2204 I do appreciate the gravity of layoffs. 1.1880 0.04193 117 98 16 3
2205 I'm definitely more reliable than your financial consultant! 1.1880 0.04365 117 99 14 4
2206 Have you ever considered separate tax returns?” 1.1880 0.04014 117 97 18 2
2207 Common mistake. This is the Astropsychics Department 1.1880 0.04420 133 115 11 7
2208 We used to be SVB but we've rebranded as Snobwarts, the bank where anything can happen. 1.1875 0.04116 112 93 17 2
2209 It’s quite simple….Cryptocurrency is any form of currency that exists virtually and uses cryptography to secure transactions. 1.1875 0.04307 112 94 15 3
2210 Your daughter will definitely diversify the sorcerer student body if she enrolls. 1.1875 0.04307 112 94 15 3
2211 You are both officially hired here at the Lucky Charms Cereal Company! 1.1875 0.04116 112 93 17 2
2212 Yes, I'm a wizard. But I can't help you find your remote control. 1.1875 0.05652 80 69 7 4
2213 Wizard? Of course not, whatever made you think that? 1.1875 0.04490 112 95 13 4
2214 No, I'm a very good accountant, but I'm a terrible wizard. 1.1875 0.04756 96 81 12 3
2215 Because my mother’s name is Crystal Ball. 1.1875 0.04835 112 97 9 6
2216 I doubt if I can put the magic back into your life. 1.1875 0.04490 112 95 13 4
2217 For an extra $100, I strongly encourage you to take out our extended spell warranty. 1.1875 0.04490 112 95 13 4
2218 The stars are telling me that you should not be here. I have no qualifications for this. 1.1875 0.04402 128 110 12 6
2219 The Grand Wizard is on vacation “ 1.1875 0.04756 96 81 12 3
2220 Might I suggest a Reverse Mortgage? 1.1875 0.05196 96 83 8 5
2221 Sorry,your application for a planet transfer has been wait-listed. 1.1875 0.04307 112 94 15 3
2222 As your financial advisor, I suggest to avoid toil and trouble, you diversify into eye of newt and toe of frog, wool of bat and tongue of dog. 1.1875 0.05196 96 83 8 5
2223 At least one infant’s worth of collateral is standard, I’m afraid. 1.1875 0.04756 96 81 12 3
2224 And then your son started speaking gibberish. Sorry I meant German. 1.1875 0.04490 112 95 13 4
2225 I'm sorry Mr and Mrs Leyton, but the next time we catch you little girl doing card tricks in the school facilities we'll have to expel her from the school. 1.1875 0.04490 112 95 13 4
2226 Investing can involve the risk of loss. 1.1870 0.04218 123 104 15 4
2227 I'm sorry but if you exited the magic box before your legs were properly reattached, I can't help you. 1.1870 0.04218 123 104 15 4
2228 So you want to go to the stars? 1.1869 0.04013 107 88 18 1
2229 What do you think of me so far? 1.1869 0.04430 107 90 14 3
2230 yes indeed, I am John Smith, the CPA, how can I help you? 1.1869 0.04430 107 90 14 3
2231 Waiting for a perfect alignment, 1.1869 0.04625 107 91 12 4
2232 Johnny isn't really lost, he just needed some space. 1.1869 0.04430 107 90 14 3
2233 Do you realize I'm the NEW revised Ku Klux Clan 1.1869 0.04812 107 92 10 5
2234 Now about my fee, let's get down-to-earth. 1.1869 0.04992 107 93 8 6
2235 This travel agency may look out of this world, but I actually specialize in European river cruises. 1.1869 0.04227 107 89 16 2
2236 Hahgwahts. Hahvahd. I lot of people from Boston get confused. 1.1868 0.05162 91 78 9 4
2237 Look, I can't even win the lottery, what makes you think I can help you? 1.1868 0.04665 91 76 13 2
2238 No, that whole ballon thing was too twentieth century. 1.1868 0.04665 91 76 13 2
2239 We take a pre-analytics approach to investing. 1.1868 0.05162 91 78 9 4
2240 Yes, I will do your taxes. 1.1868 0.04396 91 75 15 1
2241 I see interest rates skyrocketing on Mars, but I can get you in at 1% on Jupiter. 1.1868 0.04396 91 75 15 1
2242 You can book now for 2025, but we don't know when you'll be able to book a return. 1.1868 0.05393 91 79 7 5
2243 The rates on our home equity lines are out of this world. 1.1868 0.05162 91 78 9 4
2244 I'll have what she's having 1.1868 0.04396 91 75 15 1
2245 Sure, lots of people will SAY they offer reverse mortgages... 1.1868 0.04920 91 77 11 3
2246 Yes, I certainly understand your desire to be able to continue to vote here in Florida and I assure you both came to the right place… 1.1866 0.03844 134 112 19 3
2247 When you get there, don't breathe, there's no oxygen. 1.1866 0.04260 134 115 13 6
2248 Intergalactic law is my passion, but we practice the regular kind too. 1.1864 0.04331 118 100 14 4
2249 I can offer you one extra week time-travel-share, if you sign today. 1.1864 0.04654 118 102 10 6
2250 In the vast yawning infinity of the cosmos, an IRS audit is meaningless. 1.1864 0.04161 118 99 16 3
2251 Unfortunately, I forgot the magic formula that would make the broomstick stop carrying the water. 1.1864 0.04331 118 100 14 4
2252 I’m sorry the planets just haven’t aligned. And not even we believe in astrology. I recommend a break and see how that feels. 1.1864 0.03983 118 98 18 2
2253 Will your money be safe invested with me? Oh, you are such an Aries. 1.1863 0.04772 102 87 11 4
2254 No, I was not resorting to magical thinking when I said, ‘May the market force be with you next year.’” 1.1863 0.04564 102 86 13 3
2255 If your son doesn’t put in more effort, he shall not pass. 1.1863 0.04346 102 85 15 2
2256 Bad news, the moon is in fuckup. 1.1863 0.04117 102 84 17 1
2257 You're confusing me with my brother,The Imperial Wizard. 1.1863 0.04772 102 87 11 4
2258 White nationalism is in your future. 1.1863 0.04564 102 86 13 3
2259 The way to a happy marriage isn’t Science. 1.1863 0.04772 102 87 11 4
2260 You can count on it: a bull market is coming. 1.1863 0.04772 102 87 11 4
2261 You know, no one’s ever asked me that before. 1.1863 0.04971 102 88 9 5
2262 The good news is the transfer was successful. The bad news is… you’re going to have a muggle. 1.1863 0.04772 102 87 11 4
2263 We can talk about my anus another time. Let's focus on you today. 1.1860 0.04826 86 72 12 2
2264 All these worlds are yours except Europa. Attempt no landing there. 1.1860 0.04533 86 71 14 1
2265 When I heard grand wizard I was expecting something way cooler. 1.1860 0.04826 86 72 12 2
2266 We like to call it interplanetary counseling. It's very expansive. What doesn't work on Earth might work on one of Saturn's moons. 1.1860 0.04084 129 109 16 4
2267 I keep finding your son hovering around the halls 1.1860 0.05363 86 74 8 4
2268 If I can't solve you tax issues, we have a leprechaun in the office next door who might be able to. 1.1860 0.04229 129 110 14 5
2269 I want to assure you that the fiduciary responsibility entrusted to me is my highest priority. 1.1858 0.04453 113 96 13 4
2270 Unfortunately the destination you are interested in was actually destroyed a long time ago and the light we are seeing now actually took thousands of years to reach us here. 1.1858 0.04453 113 96 13 4
2271 Let me assure you that the Hale-Bopp thing was a one off. THAT guy was crazy. 1.1858 0.04272 113 95 15 3
2272 In my professional opinion it’s a planet, but you may want to seek a second opinion. 1.1858 0.04083 113 94 17 2
2273 so you reached for the stars and here we are. 1.1858 0.04795 113 98 9 6
2274 I have to agree with your partner. It sounds fishy that you would spend your holiday alone in Venus 1.1856 0.04933 97 83 10 4
2275 ‘’I might be the principal but even I can’t make your teenager disappear.’’ 1.1856 0.05146 97 84 8 5
2276 I'm sorry. There is no inhabitable planet without telemarketers 1.1856 0.04933 97 83 10 4
2277 So,I heard you wanted to focus on space issues in your relationship 1.1856 0.04710 97 82 12 3
2278 Although karma is a universal constant, rest assured, the gravity of your situation will vary from place to place. 1.1856 0.04476 97 81 14 2
2279 We're going for a more universal appeal. 1.1855 0.04027 124 104 17 3
2280 I can see that you are regretting your choice of a personal fitness trainer. 1.1855 0.04340 124 106 13 5
2281 At the moment, all seats are first class. 1.1855 0.04187 124 105 15 4
2282 I've calculated the alignments, checked the signs, and can only conclude that I make a better astrophysicist than a marriage counselor. 1.1855 0.04187 124 105 15 4
2283 Perhaps you need to give each other space. 1.1852 0.04393 108 91 14 3
2284 I know the celestial hat and robe seem silly. We used to go with simple white ones,but,well… You know— 1.1852 0.04359 135 117 11 7
2285 Book 27: Harry Potter and the Wrath of the PTA 1.1852 0.04393 108 91 14 3
2286 So, what brings you both here? 1.1852 0.04770 108 93 10 5
2287 We do have an emphasis on the Black Arts, here.” 1.1852 0.05856 81 71 5 5
2288 As your counselor, this warlock is all about the wedlock. 1.1852 0.04948 108 94 8 6
2289 Why should we hire you? 1.1852 0.04393 108 91 14 3
2290 The fault, dear Folks, IS in the stars. 1.1852 0.04191 108 90 16 2
2291 I'm sorry but it doesn't look like early retirement is in your stars 1.1852 0.04191 108 90 16 2
2292 A timeshare on Pluto is really your best investment in this uncertain market. 1.1852 0.04393 108 91 14 3
2293 We have affordable lots with great views… and these won’t last… 1.1849 0.04617 119 103 10 6
2294 Yes I can provide clarity about your taxes 1.1849 0.04128 119 100 16 3
2295 As new employees, you will have go through your probation period, then the hat and gown will be provided along with health benefits and a 401(k) plan. 1.1848 0.04619 92 77 13 2
2296 Why do you keep banging on about your kid's safety? Yes, the building is old, poorly maintained, full of monsters, and some members of the faculty actively try to kill the children. But hey, that's wizard school; take it or leave it. 1.1848 0.05110 92 79 9 4
2297 Are you more interested in a packaged tour or solo travel? Perhaps an all-inclusive resort? 1.1848 0.05110 92 79 9 4
2298 My legal instincts are more cosmic than killer. 1.1848 0.05110 92 79 9 4
2299 What leads you to believe the universe is real? 1.1848 0.05110 92 79 9 4
2300 So I've made the mole disappear, but tell me what you know about radiation poisoning... 1.1848 0.04619 92 77 13 2
2301 The hat looked much better in the store 1.1846 0.04055 130 110 16 4
2302 Your marriage is in retrograde 1.1845 0.04729 103 88 11 4
2303 This time share is far out. 1.1845 0.04308 103 86 15 2
2304 The NASDAQ? Hmmm, your guess is as good as mine. 1.1845 0.04308 103 86 15 2
2305 You two may have more issues than what my magic & potions can fix 1.1845 0.04729 103 88 11 4
2306 I'm afraid I cannot help you. Perhaps an alternative less mainstream therapy may be the answer. 1.1845 0.04308 103 86 15 2
2307 Don't worry, the brooms do most of the work. 1.1845 0.04308 103 86 15 2
2308 A tax wizard, is still by all ACCOUNTS a wizard. Sorry tax wizard humor 1.1845 0.04308 103 86 15 2
2309 No, the miles from your recent Miami trip will not help. 1.1840 0.04308 125 107 13 5
2310 Of course, I'd like to help, but the stars' alignment does not permit it. 1.1839 0.05047 87 74 10 3
2311 But you have to cross a bridge in Brooklyn to get there. 1.1839 0.04775 87 73 12 2
2312 We’ll be opening our first fully integrated housing community in Galaxy 2 within 300 years. Now might be a good time to buy in! 1.1839 0.05047 87 74 10 3
2313 Look, magic isn't for everyone. Maybe your son can try being a doctor instead. 1.1838 0.03933 136 115 17 4
2314 I'm sorry, but our GoEverywhere Package does not include Pluto. 1.1837 0.04435 98 82 14 2
2315 I promise you that in the next few sessions your every fantasy will be fully explored. 1.1837 0.04886 98 84 10 4
2316 I know nothing about astrology. But I'd like to sell you some life insurance. 1.1837 0.04666 98 83 12 3
2317 You seem like nice people, so I'll let you in on a little secret - most days, I'm just winging it on the horoscopes. 1.1837 0.04435 98 82 14 2
2318 I assure you the quality of our services is out of this world. 1.1837 0.05097 98 85 8 5
2319 Do you want the good news or bad news first. 1.1837 0.04435 98 82 14 2
2320 I recommend redirecting a sizeable portion of your investment portfolio into cryptocurrency futures. 1.1837 0.04435 98 82 14 2
2321 Wizard of OS (outer space) 😬 1.1837 0.04435 98 82 14 2
2322 All the kids stay inside. Open Spaces scare us. 1.1835 0.04546 109 93 12 4
2323 I've been in cryptocurrency since the beginning. 1.1835 0.04355 109 92 14 3
2324 You can get close to the stars with my tour featuring a trip to Hollywood. 1.1835 0.04156 109 91 16 2
2325 There's no easy way to say this, but...you're not a wizard, Harry. 1.1835 0.04355 109 92 14 3
2326 Yes, your little space cadet must take the moon field trip. Wearing the pointy hat is optional. 1.1835 0.04355 109 92 14 3
2327 I'll be wearing this until your child is released. 1.1835 0.04156 109 91 16 2
2328 In my defense, my ad does says that I’m a ‘wizard’ at solving marriage problems. 1.1835 0.04355 109 92 14 3
2329 Why yes, my audit style is considered a bit trippy. 1.1833 0.04264 120 102 14 4
2330 Our financial plans are out of this world. 1.1833 0.04264 120 102 14 4
2331 New York State doesn't license wizards, so I'm afraid I don't have anything on paper I can show you folks. 1.1833 0.04097 120 101 16 3
2332 O.K. so let me get this straight... You thought a guy with a hat like mine would be able to predict whether the stars would align for you to pick this week's winning Powerball numbers? 1.1833 0.03922 120 100 18 2
2333 We don't have accommodations as yet on all the planets. Which one did you have in mind? 1.1833 0.03739 120 99 20 1
2334 Where Do You Want To Go Today? 1.1833 0.04097 120 101 16 3
2335 Indeed your daughter is one of the more grounded students in our academy, and I’m pleased to say we have a solution for that. 1.1828 0.04822 93 79 11 3
2336 I’m sorry. I can’t control interest rates. 1.1828 0.04822 93 79 11 3
2337 Our 9 3/4 syllabus has a long a successful history. 1.1828 0.04573 93 78 13 2
2338 Yes, I am the dad. Mel Potter at your service. 1.1828 0.05284 93 81 7 5
2339 Your case is not within my orbit, but I can see where you want to go with it. 1.1828 0.05284 93 81 7 5
2340 My rate is $30 an hour. I don't sing. I don't dance. I make no physical contact with any child. What I do is to tell the little ones at the party the true story of my captivity on Planet Screwloose in the Galaxy Nutso as photographed to my right. 1.1828 0.04822 93 79 11 3
2341 I can offer you my financial services, but the moon and the stars can only come from you. 1.1827 0.04483 104 88 13 3
2342 How can I help you? 1.1827 0.04687 104 89 11 4
2343 Sorry, you're dreaming. I can't help you. 1.1827 0.04687 104 89 11 4
2344 I am a wizard fiduciary. 1.1827 0.05069 104 91 7 6
2345 The next trip to Mars is in 2027. 1.1827 0.05069 104 91 7 6
2346 Who sent you here? 1.1827 0.04687 104 89 11 4
2347 And for a mere one million more, we can even show you the cow who jumped over the moon. 1.1827 0.04882 104 90 9 5
2348 I predict that your marriage will last 1 revolution across the sun. 1.1827 0.04270 104 87 15 2
2349 We need to talk about your son's spelling. 1.1827 0.04483 104 88 13 3
2350 Yes, but the flier did say "astrologist for hire" ... 1.1826 0.04018 115 96 17 2
2351 Unfortunately our "Dorothy" package has been cancelled. 1.1826 0.04204 115 97 15 3
2352 In space, no one can hear you vent. 1.1826 0.04018 115 96 17 2
2353 Your son must apply himself if he wants better grades. It’s not magic. 1.1826 0.04552 115 99 11 5
2354 Your wish is to make one misdemeanor into a felony? 1.1826 0.04552 115 99 11 5
2355 Jackie Robinson, you probably remember, was an Aquarius. 1.1825 0.04276 126 108 13 5
2356 Where do you see yourselves in 80,000 years? 1.1818 0.04152 99 82 16 1
2357 The first step in couples therapy is realizing that men are from Venus… 1.1818 0.04393 99 83 14 2
2358 Your son hasn't been cheating on his homework. 1.1818 0.04840 99 85 10 4
2359 I prefer the title Soothsayer. 1.1818 0.04319 110 93 14 3
2360 I feel like you're both spacing out on me. 1.1818 0.04840 99 85 10 4
2361 When doing an estate plan, most lawyers will say that no one has a crystal ball. But I do. 1.1818 0.04840 99 85 10 4
2362 I'd say finding a judge without bias in this district is beyond me. 1.1818 0.04232 121 103 14 4
2363 The good news is they’re not using the term ‘llegal aliens’ anymore.” 1.1818 0.04622 99 84 12 3
2364 Welcome to Astro-therapy, by focusing less on relationship problems and more on the impending doom of earth I believe we can help you. 1.1818 0.04066 121 102 16 3
2365 I wanted to be a dolphin trainer. 1.1818 0.04622 99 84 12 3
2366 So tell me Mr. President... 1.1818 0.04391 121 104 12 5
2367 Nostradamus predicted it, so there’s nothing to be done. 1.1818 0.04994 88 75 10 3
2368 We all know traditional therapy doesn't work. 1.1818 0.04319 110 93 14 3
2369 So, tell me what you are feeling… 1.1818 0.04393 99 83 14 2
2370 Well , Mr. and Mrs. Smith, the good news is you are both Geminis. The bad news is you are fraternal twins. 1.1818 0.04508 110 94 12 4
2371 We begin each day with a rendition of Are the Stars Out Tonight. 1.1818 0.04393 99 83 14 2
2372 I'm only dressed this way to make forecasts seem seem more credible. 1.1818 0.04319 110 93 14 3
2373 Look, I can’t work miracles 1.1818 0.04152 99 82 16 1
2374 Th added feature for this insurance policy is a trip to the moon. 1.1818 0.04622 99 84 12 3
2375 Unfortunately, we are wizards not magicians, we cannot make your son eat his vegetables 1.1818 0.04689 110 95 10 5
2376 For that I need to consult with ChatGPT. 1.1818 0.04622 99 84 12 3
2377 Five Star Total Landscaping is actually across town. 1.1818 0.04319 110 93 14 3
2378 It would take more than a wizard to bring you two back together again." 1.1818 0.04622 99 84 12 3
2379 I am taking you off of lexapro and prescribing you amethyst. Be wary of the next 2 weeks of feeling a little off, it is just because mercury is in retrograde. 1.1811 0.04095 127 108 15 4
2380 I assure you our interplantary investments are safe. It's not like we are investing in crypto. 1.1810 0.04170 116 98 15 3
2381 I am sorry, but Mars has been Red-lined. Perhaps we might find a parcel that would be to your liking on the dark side of the Moon. 1.1810 0.04170 116 98 15 3
2382 Marriage counseling for you? No, I only advise the stars. 1.1810 0.04346 116 99 13 4
2383 No, really, there’s nothing magic about building a good relationship. 1.1810 0.04170 116 98 15 3
2384 Divorced. Why? 1.1810 0.04645 105 90 11 4
2385 I don't like having a boss breathing down my neck! 1.1810 0.04645 105 90 11 4
2386 Downturn? Not in your lifetime. Then again, how old did you say you were? 1.1810 0.04232 105 88 15 2
2387 Just as we predicted, the American mice 1.1810 0.04232 105 88 15 2
2388 There’s something eerily familiar with you hat. 1.1810 0.04645 105 90 11 4
2389 As we begin,please remember this can be a very involved and time consuming process. Your dedication and patience is appreciated. Currently we have some supernovas that have been waiting billions and billions of years to be adopted... 1.1810 0.04645 105 90 11 4
2390 I'm sorry. I don't deal in black holes. I'm a white astrologer. 1.1810 0.05024 105 92 7 6
2391 Your daughter was not admitted because her IQ is too high. 1.1810 0.04444 105 89 13 3
2392 Sorry, the next seven Elon Express trips to Mars are all booked but we can get you on the wait list for Saturn. 1.1809 0.04774 94 80 11 3
2393 I assume you're looking to put a little magic back into your relationship. 1.1809 0.04774 94 80 11 3
2394 It is evident that we are from alternative universes. 1.1809 0.04774 94 80 11 3
2395 As your wizard, I advise against getting Lana Del Rey's latest recording - those one-of-her-best-yet raves defy credibility. Also, I'd warn you against eating at restaurants with peanut shells on the floor, but you don't need a wizard to say that. 1.1809 0.05231 94 82 7 5
2396 Retirement planning is really more of a dark art than a dark science. 1.1809 0.04528 94 79 13 2
2397 What's in the starts for you? The same as for the rest of us - WE"RE TOAST! 1.1809 0.05008 94 81 9 4
2398 You may find our Liability-Waiver rather lengthy. 1.1809 0.04268 94 78 15 1
2399 They told me to dress fancy for the health and safety inspections.. I now understand this is not what they meant 1.1809 0.04268 94 78 15 1
2400 Wiccan I do for you? 1.1807 0.05723 83 73 5 5
2401 Don't worry about saving for your grandson's education, we'll all be burnt toast by then 1.1803 0.04199 122 104 14 4
2402 We’re in Taurus, go with beef futures. 1.1803 0.04199 122 104 14 4
2403 Don't let CNN distract you. 1.1803 0.04035 122 103 16 3
2404 As your financial advisor must advise you that’s not a good way to pick stocks. 1.1802 0.04470 111 95 12 4
2405 Sadly, the planets are not in your favor. That'll be $500. 1.1802 0.04283 111 94 14 3
2406 No, no, It's true. When the planets align, it's best to place all assets in my personal account until the economy improves, or until you can locate me. 1.1802 0.04470 111 95 12 4
2407 Would you say this problem started around the time you went to Jupiter to get more stupider? 1.1802 0.04283 111 94 14 3
2408 Parent-teacher meeting. 1.1800 0.04115 100 83 16 1
2409 You been outbid on the White Dwarf in Andromeda. But if you don't mind a further commute there's a Red Giant coming on the market in Milky Way soon. 1.1800 0.04115 100 83 16 1
2410 no, I can't take you to oz 1.1800 0.04579 100 85 12 3
2411 have you tried roleplaying? 1.1800 0.04579 100 85 12 3
2412 I'm here to help couples for whom tradtional counseling methods have failed. 1.1800 0.04579 100 85 12 3
2413 Dry spells are my forté. 1.1800 0.04579 100 85 12 3
2414 I’m glad you have your partner here for these results… Due to the current location of Mercury, this month you will find yourself busy with many tasks around the house. 1.1800 0.04795 100 86 10 4
2415 ...Even I Can't Get You A House In THAT Neighborhood! 1.1800 0.04579 100 85 12 3
2416 Your children are concerned that you are a bit stodgy. 1.1798 0.04941 89 76 10 3
2417 Normally we have children, but you will have to do. 1.1798 0.05193 89 77 8 4
2418 Let's talk about the magic of marriage. 1.1797 0.03911 128 108 17 3
2419 Grand Wizard" means something very different here, I assure you 1.1797 0.04065 128 109 15 4
2420 Not the place for down to earth advice 1.1795 0.04137 117 99 15 3
2421 So tell me, is this your first trip to fantasyland? 1.1795 0.04137 117 99 15 3
2422 No it is not a clown suit. 1.1795 0.04797 117 103 7 7
2423 Why, of course, financial advising is a science. 1.1795 0.04137 117 99 15 3
2424 I am your great and powerful wizard! I guarantee that Tennessee is not the state for you! Run, run, run! Do not pass GO and do not collect $200. 1.1795 0.04312 117 100 13 4
2425 For that, I'll need to summon my staff" 1.1795 0.03955 117 98 17 2
2426 Yes, the JK Rowling situation has indeed affected ALL wizards. 1.1795 0.04312 117 100 13 4
2427 I don't know what to tell you, virgos and pisces just aren't compatible. 1.1795 0.03764 117 97 19 1
2428 Your wife says you keep spacing out. 1.1792 0.04795 106 92 9 5
2429 Not to worry, yours is a universal, binary dilemma. 1.1792 0.04604 106 91 11 4
2430 You are beyond a marriage counselor 1.1792 0.04405 106 90 13 3
2431 I’m somewhat of an astronomy wiz myself. 1.1792 0.04196 106 89 15 2
2432 I’m a Certified Financial Astrologer, and I predict great things for your portfolio. 1.1792 0.04604 106 91 11 4
2433 You will benefit from a vacation in Remulak, where you can study advanced marital techniques from erotically accomplished Coneheads. 1.1789 0.04484 95 80 13 2
2434 I'm afraid you don't qualify for a loan. The stars just didn't align. 1.1789 0.04728 95 81 11 3
2435 We don't know why, but your child is indulging in magical thinking. 1.1789 0.04728 95 81 11 3
2436 It's not about flowers, it's the idea of being thought of, no, please don't reach into your sleeve. 1.1789 0.04728 95 81 11 3
2437 I’m sensing that Mercury is always in retrograde for you. 1.1789 0.04728 95 81 11 3
2438 You can’t expect me to make your couple’s problems magically disappear.” Nico Gatti Roaf, Washington D 1.1789 0.04959 95 82 9 4
2439 Yes, we were once Mr. Trump's auditors, why do you ask? 1.1789 0.05180 95 83 7 5
2440 see i told you pisces and libra is a very bad match 1.1789 0.04484 95 80 13 2
2441 Your child’s curriculum will be light years ahead of other schools in the district. 1.1789 0.04325 123 106 12 5
2442 The treatment I am proposing for you has proven very successful so far with fictional persons. 1.1786 0.04433 112 96 12 4
2443 Her Aries beats your soft, sweet Aquarius. She controls the remote. 1.1786 0.03850 112 93 18 1
2444 Sorry, I can't make you stars. 1.1786 0.04247 112 95 14 3
2445 Your galaxy trip insurance must be paid in full with Milky Ways. 1.1786 0.04782 112 98 8 6
2446 What goes around, comes around. 1.1786 0.04247 112 95 14 3
2447 Your son will be fully human again by the next full moon. Please don't send him mail before then, as he won't be able to read it. 1.1786 0.05399 84 73 7 4
2448 Cosmic forces shall determine how we handle your investments. 1.1786 0.04247 112 95 14 3
2449 Its not traditional, true, but we feel it is apropos for how we come up with our financial advice. 1.1783 0.04036 129 110 15 4
2450 As you know, Gov. DeSantis has Muggle Studies on the chopping block. 1.1783 0.03883 129 109 17 3
2451 I'm so sorry. The Moon is in Uranus. 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
2452 Tax season has been hard on all of us 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
2453 No, we will not give you a loan in this universe or any other. 1.1782 0.04954 101 88 8 5
2454 Where is Karnak when you need him? 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
2455 Welcome to Supreme Astrology justice and Ms Thomas . I see dark clouds in your future. 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
2456 I just wanted to reassure you that J.K Rowling has no association with us anymore. 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
2457 Couples Therapy Chapter One: The sun is the center of the universe, not your marital struggles. 1.1778 0.05377 90 79 6 5
2458 I’m the guy that sets the odds on Draft Kings. 1.1778 0.04890 90 77 10 3
2459 I’m sorry, Mr. and Mrs. Stanley, but I can’t help you; my hands are tied. Literally. 1.1778 0.05377 90 79 6 5
2460 Just tell me your problem. I have an answer for everything 1.1778 0.05139 90 78 8 4
2461 unfortunately, your stars are not aligned and the planets, don't even ask. 1.1778 0.05139 90 78 8 4
2462 I’m sensing that you both need some space. 1.1778 0.04628 90 76 12 2
2463 The markets will crash, the ocean will flood your retirement home but Law and Order will have a 55th season. 1.1778 0.04890 90 77 10 3
2464 How about one week a year of sublime Martian sunsets? 1.1778 0.04350 90 75 14 1
2465 I’m no wizard. I just like this look! 1.1776 0.04564 107 92 11 4
2466 We can definitely take an alternative look at your case. 1.1776 0.04753 107 93 9 5
2467 Your deposits are perfectly safe. Certain banks got into some weird, risky assets in recent years, but not us. I've never even heard of this "Mooncoin" thing you're talking about, and I'm definitely not rekt or a bagholder, OK? Whatever that means. 1.1776 0.04160 107 90 15 2
2468 Your son vanishes before every assembly . 1.1776 0.04564 107 92 11 4
2469 So your wife tells me you promised her the moon and the stars 1.1776 0.04753 107 93 9 5
2470 Although the housing market right now is problematic, our firm believes that people should consider larger options. 1.1774 0.04136 124 106 14 4
2471 The space station trip is 250K each,the moon pricing is TBD. 1.1774 0.03806 124 104 18 2
2472 Do you have any idea how many people have asked me that question? 1.1773 0.03804 141 120 17 4
2473 My wife said she needed space. 1.1772 0.05018 79 67 10 2
2474 There’s been a change in management that you should know about. C. Tom Howes 507 Valley Road Havertown,PA 19083 610-789-3176 1.1771 0.05540 96 86 3 7
2475 Many couples find a change of scenery can recharge their relationships. 1.1771 0.04441 96 81 13 2
2476 Well I have sun news, and I have moon news. 1.1771 0.04910 96 83 9 4
2477 I’m spacing out about who you folks are? 1.1771 0.04910 96 83 9 4
2478 You want me to make her forget what? 1.1771 0.04910 96 83 9 4
2479 I like to dress for the job. Now, about your investments . . . 1.1771 0.04187 96 80 15 1
2480 Just say “Hey Presto” three times and your marital problems will disappear. 1.1771 0.04682 96 82 11 3
2481 Yes, I do honeymoons too. 1.1771 0.04441 96 81 13 2
2482 We can guarantee both the gender and which sign they're born under. 1.1770 0.04213 113 96 14 3
2483 I can't make your marital problems disappear. I'm a wizard, not a magician. 1.1770 0.04213 113 96 14 3
2484 Once you get the astronaut bug it doesn't leave you. 1.1770 0.04213 113 96 14 3
2485 Our planetary time shares are purchased in light years for use by generations to come 1.1770 0.04213 113 96 14 3
2486 Sorry about the wait. I’ve been putting together a lot of travel packages for billionaires. 1.1765 0.03707 119 99 19 1
2487 I'm sorry but astrology has its limits. 1.1765 0.04496 102 87 12 3
2488 Yes, even our potions will require a booster. 1.1765 0.04275 102 86 14 2
2489 Yes, our rocket company is just like all the others, only without the waiting list." 1.1765 0.04496 102 87 12 3
2490 It's the latest thing in adventure travel: Space. We are taking reservations now. 1.1765 0.04275 102 86 14 2
2491 Technically, I’m a nerd, but I minored in wizardry. 1.1765 0.04275 102 86 14 2
2492 Yes, the new yorker could also be considered as 'state-affiliated media' 1.1765 0.03894 119 100 17 2
2493 As your accountant, I must tell you I see an audit in your future. 1.1760 0.04260 125 108 12 5
2494 I wanted to talk about your child's spelling lessons. 1.1760 0.04106 125 107 14 4
2495 Indeed, there are sound investment opportunities in the gas giants. 1.1760 0.04553 125 110 8 7
2496 Are you kidding me? 1.1759 0.04124 108 91 15 2
2497 My stock tips are out of this world. 1.1759 0.04329 108 92 13 3
2498 You're from Mars. She's from Venus. 1.1759 0.04329 108 92 13 3
2499 I can’t say for sure what the future holds for you, but for fifty bucks I’ll name a star after you. 1.1759 0.04124 108 91 15 2
2500 As you may already know, I’m a wizard when it comes to Universal Life insurance. 1.1759 0.04329 108 92 13 3
2501 I'll get to your taxes, but first I want to review your moon sign. 1.1758 0.04840 91 78 10 3
2502 Any sufficiently advanced marriage is indistinguishable from magic. 1.1758 0.04581 91 77 12 2
2503 I recommend that we schedule a screening to look at Uranus. 1.1758 0.04306 91 76 14 1
2504 Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. And vice versa." 1.1758 0.04013 91 75 16 0
2505 What if we rewrite the stars? Say he was made to be mine?” 1.1758 0.04581 91 77 12 2
2506 No. This is not a dunce cap. I know everything about anything. Pay my fee and I will tell you what you want to know. 1.1758 0.04840 91 78 10 3
2507 Please excuse my white asteroid privilege. 1.1754 0.04360 114 98 12 4
2508 Believe in Witchcraft, and all will be as it should be! 1.1754 0.04360 114 98 12 4
2509 A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away. . . 1.1754 0.04360 114 98 12 4
2510 I don't usually write wills, but I'm open to the challenge. 1.1754 0.04178 114 97 14 3
2511 As if by magic, your investment in bitcoin may beat the S&P. 1.1754 0.04178 114 97 14 3
2512 I see you in a time share on Mars 1.1754 0.04360 114 98 12 4
2513 She told me she needs some space. 1.1754 0.04178 114 97 14 3
2514 I'm NASA's A.I. director You want to go where? 1.1753 0.04399 97 82 13 2
2515 Two of my kids aren't wizards and they're perfectly happy. 1.1753 0.04148 97 81 15 1
2516 I see no reason why I can't get you into a low interest mortgage today. 1.1753 0.04399 97 82 13 2
2517 Actually, I charge by the planet. 1.1753 0.04399 97 82 13 2
2518 I'm in charge of all the reservations to The Magic Galaxy. 1.1753 0.05079 97 85 7 5
2519 As your financial advisor, I’ve got to ask… have you heard of the James Webb Space Telescope?” 1.1753 0.04863 97 84 9 4
2520 Okay, enough jokes, let's keep it serious here. 1.1753 0.04637 97 83 11 3
2521 Leo and Libra, you've got a situation!" 1.1753 0.04637 97 83 11 3
2522 I’ll have to read my horoscope before I reach a decision. 1.1753 0.04399 97 82 13 2
2523 My track record is stellar 1.1753 0.04637 97 83 11 3
2524 And then, once your check clears, Harry Potter will hand you your diplomas. 1.1750 0.04211 120 103 13 4
2525 As there is a star war going on in Washington I cannot recommend you the Super Sunny Holiday on Venus for next weekend. 1.1748 0.04236 103 87 14 2
2526 Your daughter will be alright, but her wand was not intended to be used so vigorously. 1.1748 0.04864 103 90 8 5
2527 I'm afraid if your son won't start behaving, he might just disappear. 1.1748 0.04455 103 88 12 3
2528 When the moon is in the 7th house and Jupiter aligns with Mars,then peace will guide the planets and love will steer the stars...now about your tax returns.” 1.1748 0.04455 103 88 12 3
2529 I used to be an econometrician, but I get better forecasts with astrology. 1.1748 0.04236 103 87 14 2
2530 As your divorce counselor, I strongly encourage you to give each other some space. 1.1746 0.03916 126 107 16 3
2531 Using Mars and Venus as a way to describe male-female relationships, is outdated. We are now looking much deeper into the universe to discover these distinctions. 1.1746 0.03916 126 107 16 3
2532 Sure, he’s gifted, but certainly no Harry Potter! 1.1744 0.05015 86 74 9 3
2533 You'll be happy to know that space played no part in this decision. 1.1744 0.05015 86 74 9 3
2534 Yes, this college offers a discount to science students born under the sign of Aries. 1.1744 0.05015 86 74 9 3
2535 I’m really an actor this is just a side gig 1.1744 0.05281 86 75 7 4
2536 I’m not your usual marriage counselor. 1.1743 0.04090 109 92 15 2
2537 Yes, you'll be white when you wake up! 1.1743 0.04671 109 95 9 5
2538 I am granting you eternal life...exactly as you are now 1.1743 0.04292 109 93 13 3
2539 I am a star for financial retirement advice 1.1743 0.04292 109 93 13 3
2540 You may have come to me today to book your trip to Hawaii, but I've got something better for you: a virtual reality trip to Mars! Shall I get you set up with a pair of VR goggles? 1.1743 0.03876 109 91 17 1
2541 Welcome to the good place. 1.1743 0.04090 109 92 15 2
2542 You see, I learned early on that accounting is just a lot of money, a lot of numbers, and a little pinch of magic 1.1743 0.04486 109 94 11 4
2543 At the Celestial School of Wizardry, we believe in educating the whole person, even if that person falls light years behind the rest of the class. 1.1742 0.03951 132 113 15 4
2544 I am concerned about your son's spelling skills. 1.1739 0.04791 92 79 10 3
2545 Maybe you should apologize for what you did in her dream." 1.1739 0.04325 115 99 12 4
2546 You must go to the second star on the right and then straight off till morning. 1.1739 0.04791 92 79 10 3
2547 If the NY Attorney General comes after us we can use this outfit as leverage in our incompetency hearing 1.1739 0.04535 92 78 12 2
2548 Looking into the future? It's really the best way to prepare your taxes. 1.1739 0.04535 92 78 12 2
2549 I've been told you have a question about Vanderpump Rules. 1.1739 0.04325 115 99 12 4
2550 Three bedrooms is pushing it but I can probably try for two, in an elevator building. 1.1739 0.03956 115 97 16 2
2551 My approach to providing financial planning advice has changed to accommodate the current economic climate 1.1739 0.04535 92 78 12 2
2552 Congratulations— you’ve been upgraded from Cancer to Taurus. 1.1739 0.04535 92 78 12 2
2553 Wizard you go I go 1.1739 0.04535 92 78 12 2
2554 Trust me, your safest investment would be intergalactic cryptocurrency real estate. 1.1739 0.04791 92 79 10 3
2555 I can't just move constellations around to make you more compatible 1.1739 0.04535 92 78 12 2
2556 I'm sorry, we only do White magic here. 1.1739 0.04263 92 77 14 1
2557 If you want your son to get into Hogwarts you’re going to need to start building his wizardry profile.” 1.1736 0.04179 121 104 13 4
2558 If the world’s your oyster, I’d give it a crack. 1.1736 0.04340 121 105 11 5
2559 Listen, you do not just walk into Mordor. It would be such folly! The only food there is man fleash and NO WiFi! 1.1735 0.04358 98 83 13 2
2560 I can assue you the celestial galaxy is post-racist. 1.1735 0.04358 98 83 13 2
2561 Please don't tell anyone I'm a Deep Fake. 1.1735 0.04593 98 84 11 3
2562 I look like a Magician, but this doesn't work with all couples, unfortunately. 1.1735 0.04358 98 83 13 2
2563 So as far as your marriage is concerned, you know I am a wizard, NOT a magician. 1.1732 0.03724 127 107 18 2
2564 With all the markers up in the air, I've got a better score than Warren Buffett. 1.1731 0.04199 104 88 14 2
2565 So, you’re talking about attaching a solar system to you house? 1.1731 0.04622 104 90 10 4
2566 When we changed our name to QAnon we upgraded the uniform. 1.1731 0.04622 104 90 10 4
2567 I'm afraid your son's interest in this so-called 'science' is adversely affecting his alchemy studies. 1.1731 0.04199 104 88 14 2
2568 You two are our first clients to travel with our space rocket so unfortunately we do not have any information to provide 1.1731 0.03970 104 87 16 1
2569 Wait, did you ask to speak to the Astrology advisor or the Astronomy advisor? 1.1727 0.04631 110 96 9 5
2570 Frankly, I'm concerned your child is falling behind in Alakazaminomics. 1.1727 0.04631 110 96 9 5
2571 But marriage isn’t rocket science… 1.1727 0.03844 110 92 17 1
2572 I SEE ONE OF OUR MARS TIME SHARES IN YOUR FUTURE 1.1727 0.04055 110 93 15 2
2573 'Don't worry, I can make your star signs match' 1.1727 0.04631 110 96 9 5
2574 So, which travel plan would you like? 1.1724 0.04112 116 99 14 3
2575 I'm sorry, but the tests came back negative, your son is not a wizard. 1.1724 0.04684 87 74 11 2
2576 I see Saturn rising up Uranus. 1.1724 0.04461 116 101 10 5
2577 You're in luck,the sun,stars,and planets are in total sync. However, I have no idea what that means. 1.1724 0.04961 87 75 9 3
2578 With just a few sessions you marriage can ascend from the grave to out of this world! 1.1724 0.04684 87 74 11 2
2579 Putting adultery aside, it could be the expanding universe. 1.1724 0.04389 87 73 13 1
2580 Honestly, not even a wizard can fix your relationship. 1.1724 0.04290 116 100 12 4
2581 Your retirement savings would go a lot further on Venus. Plus, you’ll love the summers there - hardly any sulphuric acid rain. 1.1724 0.04290 116 100 12 4
2582 Sure, you can start being accountable for your actions, but it’s so much easier to blame it all on Mercury and your zodiac sign. 1.1724 0.04961 87 75 9 3
2583 Name that broadway musical “when the moon is in the seventh house, an Jupiter aligns with Mars”. 1.1724 0.04961 87 75 9 3
2584 My husband and I need some space. 1.1721 0.04307 122 106 11 5
2585 I think you'll find my fee quite astronomical. 1.1721 0.04147 122 105 13 4
2586 You last saw your kids at the border? I'll look up the record. 1.1720 0.04490 93 79 12 2
2587 There’s nothing Mickey Mouse about this. 1.1720 0.04221 93 78 14 1
2588 I am a funny clown. Just not a "Ha-Ha" funny clown. 1.1720 0.04983 93 81 8 4
2589 There is a certain amount of magic in a happy marriage 1.1720 0.04221 93 78 14 1
2590 You've come to the right law firm, but I'm afraid your case against that astrologist is not in the stars. However, your lucky numbers today are going to be 11 and 4, and stay away from Sagittarius co-workers. 1.1720 0.04983 93 81 8 4
2591 You see the grand wizard I was, not the financial wizard I am. 1.1720 0.04490 93 79 12 2
2592 I have good news and bad news. 1.1720 0.04490 93 79 12 2
2593 I think you’ll find through this process that I’m a real down to earth guy 1.1720 0.04743 93 80 10 3
2594 You can’t time the market. 1.1717 0.04071 99 83 15 1
2595 Just remember, you wouldn't have been allowed in Kolob before 1978. 1.1717 0.04771 99 86 9 4
2596 When they said you had a stellar reputation, I didn't think they meant it literally 1.1717 0.04317 99 84 13 2
2597 We accept what Hogwarts rejects. 1.1717 0.04317 99 84 13 2
2598 Personally, I don't believe all that astrology crap. 1.1717 0.04317 99 84 13 2
2599 If you can wait it out, I see your relationship improving dramatically after Jupiter revolves once around the sun... or twelve Earth years. 1.1717 0.04317 99 84 13 2
2600 You two need to make some space for the magic to happen. 1.1717 0.04317 99 84 13 2
2601 You want a fixed term at that interest rate!? I'm not a magician. 1.1717 0.04071 99 83 15 1
2602 So do you REALLY want me to do this? 1.1717 0.04317 99 84 13 2
2603 I’m sorry but a tax refund this year is not in your stars. 1.1714 0.04162 105 89 14 2
2604 What planet do you want him to come from? 1.1714 0.04581 105 91 10 4
2605 We don't call it a dunce cap. I see that you'll both die in a fire..tomorrow. 1.1714 0.03936 105 88 16 1
2606 Sorry, without Pluto the planets can no longer align. 1.1714 0.04376 105 90 12 3
2607 Our next Comet Rendezvous Getaway is fully booked, but our mega asteroid cruise is expected to be a big hit. 1.1714 0.04581 105 91 10 4
2608 I'm sorry, I can't say with certainty where in the universe you'd be welcome. 1.1714 0.04162 105 89 14 2
2609 We have several new destinations to choose from 1.1714 0.04162 105 89 14 2
2610 We can make your money work for you with our new state of the art financial forecasting prediction models 1.1714 0.04777 105 92 8 5
2611 Not wearing masks proves we all believe in a higher power! 1.1714 0.04581 105 91 10 4
2612 Oh, gosh, no. My name is MERLIN. The asshat in the white version of this outfit you’re thinking of is ‘Merle’. He’s not even a real wizard and lives in a trailer with his mom. 1.1714 0.04777 105 92 8 5
2613 Thanks for the appointment, Mr Nesmer! 1.1714 0.04376 105 90 12 3
2614 The planets I realize are better at counseling and that's why I've shed my shrink image. 1.1712 0.04022 111 94 15 2
2615 Yes, it is true, Oz is my home planet. 1.1712 0.04410 111 96 11 4
2616 He's looking for a little space. 1.1712 0.04410 111 96 11 4
2617 If you can't be serious I don't know what you expect of me. 1.1712 0.04220 111 95 13 3
2618 Your son's 'magical thinking' has permeated every department. We'd like to increase his scholarship to keep him here in Florida. 1.1709 0.04256 117 101 12 4
2619 So, Congressman Santos, the Space Force Secretary sent us to ask how you determined that Neptune is not a planet either. 1.1709 0.04256 117 101 12 4
2620 But my book presupposes that men actually are from Mars and women literally are from Venus. 1.1707 0.04848 82 70 10 2
2621 Happy to tell you that you’re pre-approved for not one, but two of our fictional kingdoms. 1.1707 0.04848 82 70 10 2
2622 Sir…No!… You still owe her alimony if you move to the moon! 1.1707 0.05149 82 71 8 3
2623 No, I do not know very much about the so called Hollywood stars as they seem to burn out quite frequently! 1.1707 0.04848 82 70 10 2
2624 I’m sorry, but you two are just never going to align. 1.1707 0.04848 82 70 10 2
2625 I can see the future. And well, it's not looking good. 1.1705 0.05167 88 77 7 4
2626 For now, your cosmic spirits are stuck in Acme, South Dakota--but for another five hundred bucks, I can get you crusing on the astral plains of Orion. 1.1705 0.05167 88 77 7 4
2627 Yes, I know you trained for this mission, but your birth charts are not compatible. 1.1705 0.04634 88 75 11 2
2628 Welcome to Starry Night Marriage Counseling 1.1705 0.04908 88 76 9 3
2629 So what it’s sounding like to me is that your daughter manifested your divorce 1.1705 0.04908 88 76 9 3
2630 I'm sorry your investments have crashed, but I never claimed to be a financial wizard... 1.1705 0.04343 88 74 13 1
2631 I can’t make your problems disappear, but I can saw your tax exposure in half. 1.1705 0.04031 88 73 15 0
2632 This world needs you more than you need it. 1.1705 0.05167 88 77 7 4
2633 We strive to provide support to keep our students grounded. 1.1705 0.04343 88 74 13 1
2634 Jupiter’s in retrograde. Sell all your investments 1.1705 0.04343 88 74 13 1
2635 It all started with the second season of Stranger Things. 1.1702 0.04696 94 81 10 3
2636 Welcome to cosplay academy 1.1702 0.04696 94 81 10 3
2637 From what I have been able to see, your son does not have any type of problem that needs to be checked. 1.1702 0.04446 94 80 12 2
2638 Your cancer is in remission, but unfortunately your Gemini moon is rising 1.1702 0.04180 94 79 14 1
2639 You will need the blessing of the cosmos to save your marriage. 1.1702 0.04933 94 82 8 4
2640 Astrological advice for your finances may sound risky, but my track record is better than crypto. 1.1702 0.04696 94 81 10 3
2641 I think I might help you get the magic back. 1.1702 0.04180 94 79 14 1
2642 I often find some personal space to be the best solution. 1.1702 0.04180 94 79 14 1
2643 Don't let the stars get in your eyes. 1.1700 0.04507 100 86 11 3
2644 Don't think I'm clowning around! 1.1700 0.04726 100 87 9 4
2645 No, astronomy is not on the syllabus; why do you ask? 1.1700 0.04277 100 85 13 2
2646 To increase school enrolment, our marketing team suggested this. 1.1700 0.04277 100 85 13 2
2647 The stars are not properly aligned for a reconciliation. 1.1700 0.04277 100 85 13 2
2648 Yes it is true. You too can get yourself a robe and hat after only three years. 1.1700 0.04726 100 87 9 4
2649 We are still searching, but we have not found Toto yet. 1.1700 0.04507 100 86 11 3
2650 And what would YOU do if you had a magic wand? 1.1700 0.04726 100 87 9 4
2651 It doesn’t exactly work like that. 1.1700 0.04277 100 85 13 2
2652 I agree. There's absolutely nothing even remotely funny about this cartoon. 1.1700 0.04726 100 87 9 4
2653 Unfortunately, your insurance policy does not cover incantations. 1.1700 0.03775 100 83 17 0
2654 All the cylinder hats were taken 1.1700 0.04277 100 85 13 2
2655 Hi, I am Star E. Knight 1.1700 0.04935 100 88 7 5
2656 But with my other hat on, I would say you should get divorced. 1.1698 0.04126 106 90 14 2
2657 If you know the magic word I can probably get you a mortgage 2 points below prime. 1.1698 0.03664 106 88 18 0
2658 Look, I'm not saying your son's costume wasn't creative. 1.1698 0.04540 106 92 10 4
2659 Yes, I have removed the curtain and changed to a new suit, but I am the wonderful wizard of Oz. 1.1698 0.04126 106 90 14 2
2660 I've never said this before, but you need to see someone with even more powers 1.1698 0.04338 106 91 12 3
2661 Unfortunately Jupiter is ascending into Gemini. That means your insurance won't cover cancer treatment. Now if it was Saturn in Cancer, it'd be a different story. 1.1698 0.04338 106 91 12 3
2662 what do you think I am? A magician? 1.1698 0.04734 106 93 8 5
2663 Mercury retrograde has tightened our belt, I'm afraid. 1.1696 0.04373 112 97 11 4
2664 Mr. Branson recommended you as our space travel agent 1.1695 0.03671 118 99 18 1
2665 I was expecting Dorothy and her dog Toto. 1.1695 0.04047 118 101 14 3
2666 What’s a flat earther? 1.1695 0.04222 118 102 12 4
2667 The planets tell me it'll be a bad year for tech stocks. 1.1694 0.03921 124 106 15 3
2668 Sure, it's *like* Hogwarts. But for wizards who've got no time for all the transphobia. 1.1688 0.05669 77 68 5 4
2669 We stole your sons parts and he is no longer a student. 1.1688 0.05030 77 66 9 2
2670 yeah, you got that right. I do P.R. for N.A.S.A. 1.1687 0.05639 83 74 4 5
2671 No, I can't turn him back into a rabbit, Mrs. Wilson, no matter how little magic remains in your marriage. 1.1687 0.04793 83 71 10 2
2672 There are no blacks in Camelot, but would you care to integrate? 1.1685 0.04299 89 75 13 1
2673 We're tired of being the only ones who can't use magic to meet our quotas. 1.1685 0.05113 89 78 7 4
2674 I trained at Goldman Sachs 1.1685 0.04856 89 77 9 3
2675 Oh, "Ad astra per aspera" doesn't mean "To the stars by dressing like an ass?" 1.1685 0.04299 89 75 13 1
2676 Cosmic investments are risky. But the allure of a big bang boosting your return is very attractive. 1.1685 0.05113 89 78 7 4
2677 Our prices are the cheapest in the universe but you have to wear this cosmic uniform during your flight. 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
2678 First off, being a bald Wizard, I feel more confident predicting with coverage. 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
2679 As your attorney, everything you tell me is strictly confidential, except if it pertains to the end of civilization as we know it. 1.1684 0.04650 95 82 10 3
2680 It’s the system, sir. It’s solar. 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
2681 Yes, we provide transcendental bathrooms for all our students. 1.1684 0.04884 95 83 8 4
2682 People don’t understand that the astrology business is 90% paperwork. 1.1684 0.04650 95 82 10 3
2683 It's not often the planets align for a couple. 1.1684 0.04884 95 83 8 4
2684 As your accountant, I’m a wizard with numbers. 1.1683 0.04238 101 86 13 2
2685 I wouldn't expect any magic if I were you. 1.1683 0.03741 101 84 17 0
2686 You've come to the right place to find an affordable home. 1.1683 0.04465 101 87 11 3
2687 Invest now. Returns are out of this world. 1.1683 0.04238 101 86 13 2
2688 First, you need to stop thinking that astrology is the answer to all your problems. 1.1683 0.04465 101 87 11 3
2689 As your financial advisor, I can assure you this is the right move to make now. 1.1683 0.03997 101 85 15 1
2690 To be frank,I can't fix your marriage. I'm a wizard,not a miracle worker. 1.1683 0.04682 101 88 9 4
2691 If you can traverse NYC in a jeep then traveling in a rocket to Saturn should be a cinch. 1.1683 0.04465 101 87 11 3
2692 I'm sorry, there isn't much I can do. You're not the only couple trying to escape from Earth. We do have some lots on Kepler-442b available though, if you're interested. 1.1683 0.04238 101 86 13 2
2693 Ever since I was a young boy, I played the silver ball. 1.1683 0.03997 101 85 15 1
2694 I’m afraid you’re having a muggle. 1.1683 0.04889 101 89 7 5
2695 Yes, I can answer your question. That's my point. 1.1682 0.04090 107 91 14 2
2696 Your Pisces swimming with her Virgo may have resulted in a Cancer. 1.1682 0.04500 107 93 10 4
2697 We have always outperformed the market. But past results are no guarantee. 1.1682 0.04090 107 91 14 2
2698 and i can send you elsewhere 1.1682 0.04300 107 92 12 3
2699 I am not a broker. We are a fiduciary. 1.1682 0.04300 107 92 12 3
2700 Well, Saturn, not Jupiter, is where you should have your 401k 1.1682 0.04300 107 92 12 3
2701 Frankly, your son’s obsession with the stars is a bit of a mystery. 1.1682 0.03633 107 89 18 0
2702 Yes, I am a wizard in the field of Astronomy, thank you for noticing! 1.1682 0.04090 107 91 14 2
2703 From a scientific point of view your relationship is imaginary but from a material, it has a great future. 1.1682 0.03633 107 89 18 0
2704 Well, your admission into the society will certainly add a new twist to the term 'space race' 1.1682 0.04300 107 92 12 3
2705 At the Space Travel Agency we have vacation packages that are truly out of this world. 1.1682 0.04300 107 92 12 3
2706 The cosmos is flat. 1.1681 0.03956 113 96 15 2
2707 Come back on a casual Friday and you'll see that I'm still a financial wizard. 1.1681 0.04151 113 97 13 3
2708 "After that regrettable contretemps with Dorothy and Toto, a desk job began to look more attractive ." 1.1681 0.04337 113 98 11 4
2709 My apologies, but it turns out that the arc of the universe just bends. 1.1681 0.03956 113 96 15 2
2710 We said we were the school “of” the stars..not “to” the Stars! 1.1681 0.03956 113 96 15 2
2711 Billy is a math wizard but lets talk about his social skills. 1.1681 0.03956 113 96 15 2
2712 Magic’s gotten a bit old fashioned, don’t you think? How about instead I offer you an interest-free loan with a totally normal number of strings attached? 1.1681 0.04337 113 98 11 4
2713 When the moon is in the seventh house, and Jupiter aligns with Mars, buy SuxCo low and sell high. 1.1681 0.04189 119 103 12 4
2714 I can make you resident on Mars, but you will still be audited 1.1680 0.03891 125 107 15 3
2715 …and our Deluxe Package is truly out of this world. 1.1679 0.04088 137 120 11 6
2716 What you’re asking me to do is impossible. I’m a Wizard not a Marriage Counselor. 1.1667 0.04263 108 93 12 3
2717 We have a special offer for trip to a galaxy not too far away. 1.1667 0.04360 96 82 12 2
2718 Children making you crazy? Witching hour advice is two doors down. 1.1667 0.03924 114 97 15 2
2719 Let's not shoot for the stars, mortgage rates are still relatively high on Neptune… 1.1667 0.04539 90 77 11 2
2720 And most importantly, you get to wear this outfit. 1.1667 0.04424 102 88 11 3
2721 Any chance you two are virgos? 1.1667 0.04360 96 82 12 2
2722 As your Wordle consultant I recommend starting with MAGIC. 1.1667 0.05270 96 86 4 6
2723 I certainly am glad I didn’t wear my… other robes to this meeting 1.1667 0.04623 78 66 11 1
2724 Your stars are not lining up. 1.1667 0.04539 90 77 11 2
2725 I know how this looks, but marriage counseling isn’t like waving a magic wand.” 1.1667 0.04301 114 99 11 4
2726 When it comes to meteorite insurance, we're Number One! 1.1667 0.03961 102 86 15 1
2727 Don't look so starry-eyed. It's affordable 1.1667 0.04360 96 82 12 2
2728 Back from the field trip, maybe not. But we've narrowed it down to 'somewhere in the multiverse.' 1.1667 0.04424 102 88 11 3
2729 We seriously want to bring back the magic! 1.1667 0.03924 114 97 15 2
2730 Let the magician do the magic and let the patients be patient 1.1667 0.04651 108 95 8 5
2731 With my special potion, I can take you anywhere in the Universe and back for a small fee. 1.1667 0.04055 108 92 14 2
2732 When were you planning to relocate? 1.1667 0.03804 120 102 16 2
2733 Sounds like your sex life could use a little ‘big bang’ ! You’ve come to the right place! 1.1667 0.04843 102 90 7 5
2734 Scorpio. You? 1.1667 0.05311 84 74 6 4
2735 I'm afraid this is going to require some magical thinking. 1.1667 0.04117 114 98 13 3
2736 Welcome to the Elon Musk counseling service. 1.1667 0.04740 84 72 10 2
2737 What I hear you saying is there's no magic between you. I believe I can help. 1.1667 0.03924 114 97 15 2
2738 I must say that your problems seem so small. 1.1667 0.04837 96 84 8 4
2739 Unfortunately, Marjorie Taylor Greene has bought all of the tickets for the Space Wizard Excursion for a long time. The next open flight is January 7, 2025. 1.1667 0.04424 102 88 11 3
2740 You must believe me. 1.1667 0.04055 108 92 14 2
2741 Mmmhmm, yes, I see, of course, I understand......Mrs. Williams, can I ask you something, do you like bunnies? 1.1667 0.05300 90 80 5 5
2742 'it will cost $50,000 to fly you to the moon and let you swing upon the stars, it will cost $100,000 extra to let you know what life is like on Jupiter and Mars.... No hand-holding!' 1.1667 0.04539 90 77 11 2
2743 No no… we just wanted advice on our self managed Super Fund… 1.1667 0.04806 90 78 9 3
2744 I offer individual, couple and family horoscope packages. 1.1667 0.03924 114 97 15 2
2745 I can assure you, our curriculum is every bit as rigorous as Hogwarts. 1.1667 0.04651 108 95 8 5
2746 I’ll try, but I’m not a magician. 1.1667 0.04360 96 82 12 2
2747 Astrology, astronomy… it’s all the same to me. Do you want your palms read or not? 1.1667 0.04539 90 77 11 2
2748 I am required to advise you that this outfit is one of the terms of my probation." 1.1667 0.04255 90 76 13 1
2749 Let's wait on the medical tests until we see what the spell results tell us. 1.1667 0.04100 96 81 14 1
2750 So, you wanna know why I was written out of the revival of "Camelot"? 1.1667 0.03961 102 86 15 1
2751 We take our dress code very seriously 1.1667 0.05294 78 68 7 3
2752 While Little Mikey isn't a 'Whiz-Kid' per se... 1.1667 0.05034 84 73 8 3
2753 I know your son is invisible, but you signed a waiver. 1.1667 0.04539 90 77 11 2
2754 Do I have a problem…with doorways? 1.1667 0.03804 120 102 16 2
2755 We can finance your mortgage, but the interest rates are astronomical. 1.1667 0.04806 90 78 9 3
2756 So, you need some Social Security and Medicare advice? 1.1667 0.04424 102 88 11 3
2757 I"m hoping you can help me understand why your daughter complained to the dean that I wield my power as an old white man. 1.1667 0.04461 108 94 10 4
2758 It appears your stars are not aligned 1.1667 0.04199 102 87 13 2
2759 Not only is she pregnant, it’s with a demon baby. 1.1667 0.04806 90 78 9 3
2760 Essentially it’s all poker, folks. 1.1667 0.04360 96 82 12 2
2761 Sometimes, by near accident, something exceptionally rare and special crosses your path. Life turns on your seeing clearly what’s in front of you. 1.1667 0.04604 96 83 10 3
2762 Magical thinking will not help get your taxes done. 1.1667 0.04055 108 92 14 2
2763 Here’s the deal, i can make guarantees, but the spell for a happy marriage that i am able to perform requires that you first destroy the marriage of another happier couple and bring their tears to me in a vial. 1.1667 0.04424 102 88 11 3
2764 Charles, I don't care if not an accurate depiction of the night sky, it's COMFORTABLE. 1.1667 0.04199 102 87 13 2
2765 Not in this universe. 1.1654 0.03725 133 114 16 3
2766 I will have to refer you to a Warlock, but there shouldn't be an additional copay. 1.1652 0.04266 115 100 11 4
2767 I keep telling you, I was on my way to a costume party when I got the call. Anyway, you have about six months to live... 1.1651 0.04423 109 95 10 4
2768 I may need to charge more if I have to involve the Crystal Ball 1.1651 0.04226 109 94 12 3
2769 I can save any marriage, with just the wave of my magic wand. 1.1651 0.04226 109 94 12 3
2770 So, you want to know how far you have to travel to get away from hearing about Elon Musk? 1.1651 0.04226 109 94 12 3
2771 I advise itemizing with individual returns. 1.1651 0.04020 109 93 14 2
2772 Sorry, I may look like a wizard, but I can't magically make your deadlines disappear just like that. Although, I'm happy to give it a try! 1.1651 0.04226 109 94 12 3
2773 I am sorry Karen you can’t use you sunsign as an excuse to be rude 1.1651 0.04423 109 95 10 4
2774 It's Casual Friday, the other Grand Wizards don't mind. 1.1650 0.04384 103 89 11 3
2775 So you want to visit Mar-a-Lago? 1.1650 0.04596 103 90 9 4
2776 Sagan dubbed me: 'The Flying Sorcerer'.....but I'm really just your normal tour guide 1.1650 0.04161 103 88 13 2
2777 If you're looking for astronomical investment returns you're in the right place. 1.1650 0.04596 103 90 9 4
2778 According to Mercury,I don't think there will be any children. 1.1649 0.04560 97 84 10 3
2779 3rd dimension vacations are a blast. 1.1649 0.04318 97 83 12 2
2780 The Artemis 3 mission has already been filled what other moon mission would you like to go on?" 1.1649 0.04789 97 85 8 4
2781 I have a different approach to guidance counseling. 1.1649 0.04560 97 84 10 3
2782 OK, since this is neither Mars nor Venus, you two are now in a neutral place where you can begin to work on your relationship. But with what you've told me so far, it's going to take some wizardry to be of help.... 1.1649 0.04560 97 84 10 3
2783 Our charges are usually estimated with 100% accuracy 1.1649 0.03788 97 81 16 0
2784 Welcome to new age couples counseling. 1.1649 0.04318 97 83 12 2
2785 I assure you, no red shifting is practiced here. 1.1649 0.04318 97 83 12 2
2786 However, unfortunately, Mars is in retrograde 1.1649 0.04318 97 83 12 2
2787 Well, I'm not a magician but you're going to work this out on your own. 1.1648 0.04492 91 78 11 2
2788 Taxes are also magic to me. 1.1648 0.04756 91 79 9 3
2789 I dress like this because we Wall Street folks think is what Black People think a Financial Wizard should look like 1.1648 0.04756 91 79 9 3
2790 Or...we could talk about space? 1.1648 0.04492 91 78 11 2
2791 I hear you’re skeptical about astrology? 1.1648 0.04756 91 79 9 3
2792 Just like me, you'll be able to rip people off. 1.1648 0.04756 91 79 9 3
2793 Going away to school has advantages over a commuter school, though it's harder to come home for a weekend. 1.1647 0.05252 85 75 6 4
2794 Yes, I have a universal degree 1.1647 0.04688 85 73 10 2
2795 You're safe. I am not THAT kind of wizard! 1.1639 0.03923 122 105 14 3
2796 Hello Donald. Your wife has reasons to believe you are a flat earther... 1.1638 0.04232 116 101 11 4
2797 We guarantee you'll be over the moon with your tax return. 1.1638 0.03861 116 99 15 2
2798 I'm sorry, but you can't expect miracles. 1.1638 0.03861 116 99 15 2
2799 Thank you for coming in. I think you will find our approach to investing considers everything. 1.1638 0.04232 116 101 11 4
2800 I realise now I misunderstood when you suggested I should dress for the job I want,not the one I have 1.1638 0.03662 116 98 17 1
2801 Stick with Treasuries. 1.1636 0.04190 110 95 12 3
2802 I perform magic as a wizard, not a marriage counselor! 1.1636 0.04190 110 95 12 3
2803 I'll be honest with you that most of the time even I do not understand the new tax laws completely. 1.1636 0.04190 110 95 12 3
2804 ....so your portfolio is quite safe in our hands. 1.1636 0.04385 110 96 10 4
2805 I assure you, this is where the magic happens. 1.1636 0.04190 110 95 12 3
2806 I don't see what that has to do with your loan application, but yes I can name all the planets in our solar system. 1.1636 0.04190 110 95 12 3
2807 As you might have guessed, there are additional pictures of outer space in the file cabinets. 1.1636 0.03986 110 94 14 2
2808 Hogwarts gave our school a very bad reputation. We do have the normal school curriculum. Running or flying is not allowed on the corridor. 1.1636 0.03986 110 94 14 2
2809 I can't advise you on beating the spread. 1.1635 0.04345 104 90 11 3
2810 Trust me, Mars is a great place to raise a family. 1.1635 0.04345 104 90 11 3
2811 Oh this? This is just our school uniform. 1.1635 0.04124 104 89 13 2
2812 Any other questions about my powers, Mr. Duke? 1.1635 0.04345 104 90 11 3
2813 That'll be ten percent up front and thirty percent upon the completion of each wish. 1.1635 0.04555 104 91 9 4
2814 Unfortunately I can’t wave a wand and make your problems disappear. You need to work on communication 1.1635 0.04124 104 89 13 2
2815 Our problems are too big for this world. 1.1633 0.04516 98 85 10 3
2816 I needed more office space. 1.1633 0.04277 98 84 12 2
2817 When the moon is in the seventh house,and Jupiter aligns with Mars,then we can talk about a mortgage. 1.1633 0.04277 98 84 12 2
2818 I wanted to match my decor to my uniform. 1.1633 0.04743 98 86 8 4
2819 Unfortunately, we can't process your tax return because your moon is not in the second house. 1.1633 0.04277 98 84 12 2
2820 Sorry, but I can only offer Camelot on other planets, not in the USA 1.1633 0.04277 98 84 12 2
2821 Have you tried just casting a spell when you disagree? 1.1633 0.04277 98 84 12 2
2822 For only $400 a month, your timeshare on the moon will be the perfect getaway. 1.1633 0.04743 98 86 8 4
2823 Think of me as your marriage reboot's install wizard." 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
2824 I am glad you have come to see me. Amicable divorces are my specialty. 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
2825 Are you sure you want your daughter to attend the College for Weirdos? 1.1630 0.04955 92 81 7 4
2826 I predict health, wealth, and a shorter wait for Amazon parcels. 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
2827 The world will stop spinning in 18 days. 1.1630 0.04955 92 81 7 4
2828 We at KKKosmic believe that EVERYONE should have equal access to affordable housing - as long as it's off-planet. 1.1630 0.04955 92 81 7 4
2829 What do you mean, 'the magic is gone?'" Andy Mathieson, Los Angeles, Cali 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
2830 I’m afraid the planet Affirmative Action is not in alignment 1.1630 0.04955 92 81 7 4
2831 Yes, I agree! Marriage is a spaceless concept. 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
2832 There's only so much a Wizard can do ... fixing an election is not one of them. 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
2833 As for your personalized investment strategy ... 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
2834 The loan is interst only for the first lunar year and then adjusts astronomically every full moon. 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
2835 Our prices are substantial, but I'm not sure what you mean by "astronomical." 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
2836 The universe is telling me your marriage was doomed from the start. 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
2837 I think the real question is *why* do we choose to saw people in half for fun? 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
2838 You know, sex can’t be “out of the world” every time. 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
2839 I’m a wizard, not a magician. Fixing this relationship is going to take effort from both of you. 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
2840 I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but your son is a Cancer. 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
2841 Good news. Your membership to Augusta National will be approved. 1.1628 0.04637 86 74 10 2
2842 So, college prospects from our lesser-known school of wizardry are not promising -- but our graduates excel at local magic fairs and children's parties... They also do great at Medieval Times! 1.1628 0.04637 86 74 10 2
2843 What do I have to do to prove that you’ll find the trip to be out of this world? 1.1628 0.04004 86 72 14 0
2844 If it's any constellation, you are not the first couple to confuse me with a romance counselor, and I can definitely help you in exploring Uranus. 1.1628 0.05451 86 77 4 5
2845 Yes, I can make your teenage son disappear, but, if you want it to be permanent, that'll cost extra. 1.1628 0.04924 86 75 8 3
2846 Welcome to wizard Mac's therapy how may I be unhelpful and simply a nuisance that you go to only because you paid for it. 1.1628 0.04924 86 75 8 3
2847 I see a ranch in the suburbs under your budget, but theres better value a bit farther out. 1.1628 0.03779 129 111 15 3
2848 It failed orbital geometry and has been fighting with Neptune, so I'm afraid we have to demote little Pluto to dwarf planet. 1.1626 0.04061 123 107 12 4
2849 Well quite frankly — you are on two entirely different celestial plains, and your child has become a celestial pain. 1.1626 0.04222 123 108 10 5
2850 Well, when the moon IS in the seventh house an Airbnb investment has proven to be lucrative. 1.1625 0.05169 80 70 7 3
2851 Our prepaid vacations are out of this world bargains! 1.1625 0.04516 80 68 11 1
2852 You’re not my typical clients, but then again, I don’t have typical clients. 1.1625 0.05169 80 70 7 3
2853 Oz is just one of our destinations. 1.1625 0.04853 80 69 9 2
2854 As I’ve said many times before, you just need to follow the science 1.1624 0.03831 117 100 15 2
2855 Your son misunderstood our spelling bee. 1.1624 0.03831 117 100 15 2
2856 I’m sorry, but you’re son is not a wizard, Harry. 1.1624 0.03633 117 99 17 1
2857 No, magical thinking is not what you need. You need me, a real magician. 1.1622 0.03953 111 95 14 2
2858 You should shoot for the stars for your marital problems!! 1.1622 0.05101 74 64 8 2
2859 Unfortunately, we are all out of shooting stars to wish upon. I can recommend a good marriage & family counselor though. 1.1622 0.04710 111 99 6 6
2860 Now, your first class ticket includes a three course dinner with a Mars bar for dessert! 1.1619 0.03857 105 89 15 1
2861 .. also, the view of earth is great. 1.1619 0.04514 105 92 9 4
2862 I hate to tell you this, but Expeliarmus. 1.1619 0.04514 105 92 9 4
2863 Have you consider a trip to the fifth dimension for this summer? 1.1619 0.04088 105 90 13 2
2864 The stock I advised you to buy was SVB. 1.1616 0.04237 99 85 12 2
2865 I'm sorry. I don't work with Muggles. 1.1616 0.04473 99 86 10 3
2866 This week’s assignment will be for you to work as a couple carrying buckets to fill the cistern. 1.1616 0.04698 99 87 8 4
2867 There's no substitute for astrology guided couple counseling. 1.1616 0.04237 99 85 12 2
2868 As your investment advisor, I thought it befitting. Are you saying the hat is too much? 1.1616 0.04698 99 87 8 4
2869 The sun, the moon, the stars--what's your pleasure? 1.1616 0.04698 99 87 8 4
2870 We've been trying to reach you about your ship's extended warranty. 1.1616 0.03986 99 84 14 1
2871 I design non-gender sleepwear for Team NASA . 1.1616 0.04473 99 86 10 3
2872 It was either this or the clown suit. 1.1616 0.04698 99 87 8 4
2873 It's probably just a dry spell 1.1616 0.04237 99 85 12 2
2874 There are three options. The one-off "Miracle" with no commitment, the "Three Wish" package with no expiration date, or you can pay our consulting fee and we'll be available whenever you click your heels... 1.1616 0.04698 99 87 8 4
2875 Will both of you be traveling round-trip? Or... 1.1616 0.04473 99 86 10 3
2876 It's not a timeshare, it's a vacation club. 1.1616 0.04237 99 85 12 2
2877 Financial wizardry is my speciality,but I also cast horoscopes. 1.1616 0.03986 99 84 14 1
2878 I'd be happy to provide references for my love spells. Kurt and Goldie will definitely vouch for me. 1.1616 0.04473 99 86 10 3
2879 Yes, our curriculum is entirely hocus-pocus. 1.1616 0.04473 99 86 10 3
2880 You want your house fairly appraised? That certainly qualifies as wishful thinking, so I'm your guy. 1.1616 0.04237 99 85 12 2
2881 Opposites might attract, but a Cancer should never marry a Capricorn. 1.1616 0.03986 99 84 14 1
2882 Look, on what planet am I trading derivatives this year? 1.1616 0.04698 99 87 8 4
2883 As your financial planner, let me start by saying Mercury is in retrograde. 1.1616 0.04473 99 86 10 3
2884 Unfortunately, honeymoon phase magic is not my specialty. 1.1616 0.04698 99 87 8 4
2885 Look, I’m not the best accountant but people like my showmanship— I have 4.5 stars on Google. 1.1616 0.04237 99 85 12 2
2886 So I see that your lawsuit has been dismissed and now you’re seeking a magical opinion 1.1616 0.04237 99 85 12 2
2887 Our bank offers out of this world rates. 1.1613 0.04660 93 81 9 3
2888 Yes, banking is a rewarding career. 1.1613 0.04904 93 82 7 4
2889 No, erectile dysfunction disorder is NOT caused by gamma rays from Saturn. 1.1613 0.04660 93 81 9 3
2890 Yes, I am known as a wizard in legal cases,, However, very few know that I use astrology as my secret power. 1.1613 0.03835 93 78 15 0
2891 You say Astronomy, I say Astrology; but everything in the sky is magic, isn't it? 1.1613 0.04660 93 81 9 3
2892 Well, my team used our best scrying glasses but the answer does not lie in the cosmos. Maybe you just shouldn’t have had all those affairs. 1.1613 0.04904 93 82 7 4
2893 Your portfolio is a mess! What a mess! What a medieval muddle! We’ll have to modernize it. 1.1613 0.04402 93 80 11 2
2894 We take a holistic approach to savings, retirement, and divorce planning. 1.1613 0.04904 93 82 7 4
2895 I wear a tie to add a layer of formality to my fortune telling business. 1.1613 0.04402 93 80 11 2
2896 This magic is the test of character. What possesses you is the price paid for trade. 1.1613 0.04402 93 80 11 2
2897 We provide the most up to date astrological data of any school in the US 1.1610 0.04335 118 104 9 5
2898 I'll have to check with my manager but I'm sure your sleepy time plot, uh, villa, can be yours for less than asking price. 1.1610 0.03800 118 101 15 2
2899 Don't expect instant results. I'm not a magician. 1.1610 0.03986 118 102 13 3
2900 After claims of false advertising, it's either change the slogan or really be a wizard of accounting. 1.1609 0.04870 87 76 8 3
2901 It’s not in my hands, your future is in the stars. 1.1609 0.04870 87 76 8 3
2902 You have come so far. It takes time. We must wait for the stars to align. 1.1609 0.04588 87 75 10 2
2903 As your coach, if I waved a magic wand, what would your relationship look like? Raymond Victorio, Fairfield, CA 1.1609 0.04588 87 75 10 2
2904 The forms require that you name a beneficiary. Just leave it blank and I'll fill it in later. 1.1607 0.03920 112 96 14 2
2905 It's an understandable mistake, but I assure you that we here at Kennedy, Kelly, and Knight are only wizards at tax prep. 1.1607 0.04120 112 97 12 3
2906 The stars tell me your son will not pass astronomy. 1.1607 0.03920 112 96 14 2
2907 White lab coats are out. DEI outfits are all the rage now. 1.1607 0.03920 112 96 14 2
2908 No sir, my fees are not astronomical. 1.1607 0.04311 112 98 10 4
2909 Before we get started I would like your opinion on my outfit. 1.1607 0.04120 112 97 12 3
2910 So you’re fans of the Twilight Zone? 1.1607 0.04120 112 97 12 3
2911 Luckily, I also a licensed science counselor. 1.1605 0.04797 81 70 9 2
2912 Your astrological sign is not important but what is your credit card number. 1.1604 0.04052 106 91 13 2
2913 Quantum physics is all well and good but I find 'abracadabra' more efficient. 1.1604 0.04052 106 91 13 2
2914 On behalf of all of us here, at the IRS. I want to thank you for coming in to discuss your next years taxes 1.1604 0.04268 106 92 11 3
2915 He cheated in your dreams doesn't call for a dream couple's counselling 1.1604 0.04052 106 91 13 2
2916 There wasn’t any grant money predicting eclipses, so we’ve switched to catastrophes. 1.1604 0.04670 106 94 7 5
2917 Which of our vacation specials do you want? 1.1604 0.04474 106 93 9 4
2918 A dunce nor a wizard am I; for I am your daughter's guidance counselor, here to shepherd her through middle school. 1.1604 0.04268 106 92 11 3
2919 Would you like to hear about our last minute vacation deals? 1.1604 0.04474 106 93 9 4
2920 Being female your daughter lacks what we call an "Astrological Brain". I suggest you enroll her at the Domestic Alchemical Academy. We feel she'll be happier there" 1.1604 0.04474 106 93 9 4
2921 As your financial advisor I can reassure you that my methods are guaranteed to get better returns than traditional advisors that study the markets 1.1604 0.04474 106 93 9 4
2922 When you hold your gender reveal party you can just say, "We are made of star-stuff." 1.1600 0.03685 100 84 16 0
2923 Believe me, investing in plots on my asteroid is a no-brainer 1.1600 0.04866 100 89 6 5
2924 There is a little delay, we apologize for any inconvenience. 1.1600 0.04431 100 87 10 3
2925 You really don't want to know... 1.1600 0.04431 100 87 10 3
2926 Politics, financial, kids, take your choice, it's all a crap shoot. 1.1600 0.04431 100 87 10 3
2927 I understand Mercury retrograde happens, sir. However, our terms & conditions still apply. 1.1600 0.04197 100 86 12 2
2928 Our school motto has always been: Make Astronomy Great Again 1.1600 0.04197 100 86 12 2
2929 No, for the caps and gowns—which we consider added value—you’ll be looking at another fifteen percent.” 1.1600 0.04431 100 87 10 3
2930 I'm afraid Hermione has been bullying some of the other kids. 1.1600 0.04197 100 86 12 2
2931 Yes, I told you two you would make a good couple. I didn’t tell you couple of what! 1.1600 0.03949 100 85 14 1
2932 Here at ‘Cosmos Advisors’ our investment performance is out of this world! 1.1600 0.04431 100 87 10 3
2933 Professor we’re just saying that the track record of safety incidents here at Hogwarts is beginning to alarm more than just us! 1.1600 0.04431 100 87 10 3
2934 I'm sorry, Dr. deGrasse Tyson is on vacation this week so I'll be doing your horoscopes today. 1.1596 0.04613 94 82 9 3
2935 Honey, you did't tell me he was a Jew. 1.1596 0.04358 94 81 11 2
2936 The students learn better when astronomy presented when I dress up, and hasn't been banned yet. 1.1596 0.04088 94 80 13 1
2937 I'm not a Wiz.... But I can help you Wiz your mortgage. 1.1596 0.04613 94 82 9 3
2938 Dotted comets only 1.1596 0.04358 94 81 11 2
2939 It doesn't take a wizard to know that investing in crypto was probably a dumb idea. 1.1596 0.04358 94 81 11 2
2940 As I was saying, we ordered Hogwarts and received these instead. 1.1596 0.04358 94 81 11 2
2941 Well, one of us has been to wizard school. 1.1596 0.04088 94 80 13 1
2942 Unfortunately, all of our inter-dimensional vacation rentals are booked out for the season, but I can offer you a discount on being shot into the sun 1.1596 0.04358 94 81 11 2
2943 He's a very gifted student, but I wouldn't say he is 'out of this world.' 1.1596 0.04088 94 80 13 1
2944 Welcome to Universal Boomer Retirement Planning 1.1591 0.05082 88 78 6 4
2945 And, all of our meat is hat to table. 1.1591 0.04539 88 76 10 2
2946 The price of the Moon Voyage is about $500,00. Or for $50 you can have a spiffy outfit just like mine. 1.1591 0.05082 88 78 6 4
2947 Believe me, I wish I could predict interest rates! 1.1591 0.04539 88 76 10 2
2948 I'm sorry, there is no place in this universe or any other where you'll never hear the words 'Donald Trump' again. 1.1591 0.05082 88 78 6 4
2949 We’re seeing historically low interest rates on Venus. It’s an investment opportunity plus a much warmer winter.” 1.1591 0.04818 88 77 8 3
2950 Welcome to 5 Star Accounting 1.1591 0.04539 88 76 10 2
2951 So, you’re telling me you’ve lost the magic? 1.1591 0.04539 88 76 10 2
2952 After I closed my practice, I moved from prophecies to projections. 1.1589 0.04434 107 94 9 4
2953 Any counseling is just a guessing game. 1.1589 0.04017 107 92 13 2
2954 It’s not a dunce cap, it’s my stick picking secret weapon. Your money will be very safe. 1.1589 0.04434 107 94 9 4
2955 Look, there's astronomy and then there's astrology. 1.1589 0.04434 107 94 9 4
2956 You woke me up for this? 1.1589 0.03791 107 91 15 1
2957 I get much better results this way than in the old days when I was a renowned Mathematicist... 1.1585 0.04414 82 70 11 1
2958 It’s Casual Friday 1.1585 0.05050 82 72 7 3
2959 I have good news. It appears your cancer is in retrograde. 1.1585 0.04743 82 71 9 2
2960 Even my magic can't get you back together. You'll have to see a certified therapist. 1.1584 0.04390 101 88 10 3
2961 Although new, trust me when I say the results are nothing short of magical... 1.1584 0.03651 101 85 16 0
2962 Have you considered galactic therapy? 1.1584 0.04158 101 87 12 2
2963 Peter keeps disrupting Astrology Class with his actual knowledge about celestial objects. 1.1584 0.04390 101 88 10 3
2964 You are each going to meet someone who will influence your divorce. 1.1584 0.04390 101 88 10 3
2965 so you feel like ‘the magic’ is gone? 1.1584 0.04820 101 90 6 5
2966 Eat me! 1.1579 0.04048 95 81 13 1
2967 Yes, I can align your planets. 1.1579 0.04316 95 82 11 2
2968 She definitely has abilities, but she seems to want to use them for something called "reading" and "mathematics". 1.1579 0.04568 95 83 9 3
2969 You do realize I'm the Grand Wizard of the KKK? 1.1579 0.04568 95 83 9 3
2970 And don't think you're limited to this galaxy. We've recently put together a seven day/six night package to Andromeda. Interior stateroom at the prices we've been discussing, of course. 1.1579 0.04568 95 83 9 3
2971 As you know, the markets these days are mysterious... 1.1579 0.03856 114 98 14 2
2972 I do see the future, but not for this. 1.1579 0.04568 95 83 9 3
2973 I think we should start with sixpence. 1.1579 0.04975 76 66 8 2
2974 So what’s this hang up you have about “following the science”? 1.1579 0.04316 95 82 11 2
2975 Alas yes, Simone got injured in our self-driving clown car on Mars. 1.1579 0.04807 95 84 7 4
2976 I used to freelance a lot." 1.1579 0.04316 95 82 11 2
2977 Well, according to your star chart, your marriage is doomed... unless you start putting the toilet seat down, Bob.(ChatGPT) 1.1579 0.04568 95 83 9 3
2978 I’m afraid to tell you we have found Cancer- it’s your moon sign. 1.1579 0.04316 95 82 11 2
2979 I’m sorry to tell you that your son flunked out of Astronaut School. 1.1579 0.04316 95 82 11 2
2980 Is it the mustache? 1.1579 0.04568 95 83 9 3
2981 As your boss I have nothing to do with you both being fired, it was written in the stars 1.1579 0.03856 114 98 14 2
2982 The stars did not align themselves for your marriage. 1.1579 0.04807 95 84 7 4
2983 I'll be the first to admit that my 2022 prediction to invest everything in Bitcoin and FTX turned out badly. However, I am 100% confident these 2023 crypto currencies are magical. 1.1575 0.03779 127 110 14 3
2984 I see putting you in a mix of mid-cap mutuals with a bond fund foundation. 1.1575 0.03610 127 109 16 2
2985 I believe we may have angered the Sun. 1.1574 0.03758 108 92 15 1
2986 I can assure the two of you that your relationship is out of this world. 1.1574 0.03982 108 93 13 2
2987 Marriage counselor? I can't work that kind of magic 1.1574 0.04194 108 94 11 3
2988 I'm hearing that you need more space. Well, you've come to the right place. 1.1574 0.04194 108 94 11 3
2989 What specifically do you find triggering about my outfit? 1.1574 0.03982 108 93 13 2
2990 I can see the future, and therefore demand payment in cash immediately. 1.1573 0.04491 89 77 10 2
2991 In the scheme of things, I can handle your taxes. 1.1573 0.05028 89 79 6 4
2992 I'm confident your investment will increase when the planets align. 1.1573 0.04767 89 78 8 3
2993 You both understand that grant stipulates that all people working on the Horoscope project will have to wear this outfit." 1.1573 0.04767 89 78 8 3
2994 We like to present ourselves as well-educated, credentialed, experienced and fully professional in all phases of money magic. 1.1573 0.05028 89 79 6 4
2995 Yeah, I don't really see that happening. 1.1573 0.04767 89 78 8 3
2996 I graduated at the top of my class in wizard school. 1.1573 0.04491 89 77 10 2
2997 No, in fact, crytocurrency lacks the solid base our instruments provide. 1.1573 0.04491 89 77 10 2
2998 Yes, Mars is rising and Venus is in Aquarius. Now if you get out your W-2 and 1040 we can begin. 1.1573 0.04491 89 77 10 2
2999 Although your daughter earned the highest GPA in recorded history, she's not quite spacey enough for our program. 1.1569 0.04567 102 90 8 4
3000 How do like the new KKK uniform? Do I look friendlier? 1.1569 0.04567 102 90 8 4
3001 And our investment advisory services also include weekly crystal ball updates at no extra cost. 1.1569 0.04120 102 88 12 2
3002 I'm an accountant, not a tax wizard. 1.1569 0.04120 102 88 12 2
3003 Now, the issue revolving your son… 1.1569 0.04350 102 89 10 3
3004 Astrologically speaking, it's hopeless. 1.1569 0.04120 102 88 12 2
3005 If you really want it be legal, go to Las Vegas and get married by an Elvis impesonator. 1.1569 0.04567 102 90 8 4
3006 What do you want to know? 1.1569 0.04120 102 88 12 2
3007 The good news is Mercury goes direct the day of your surgery. 1.1569 0.04120 102 88 12 2
3008 Well, I'm no wizard... 1.1569 0.04120 102 88 12 2
3009 Welcome to my new office space. What's up? 1.1569 0.04350 102 89 10 3
3010 mortgages for black people is like magic and astronomy. But I'll see what I can do at a fair price. 1.1569 0.03878 102 87 14 1
3011 I'm afraid to tell you Jimmy insist the earth is round. 1.1566 0.04992 83 73 7 3
3012 When do you wish to go"? sam teller, bolton, c 1.1566 0.05279 83 74 5 4
3013 Gee wiz, I wish I could help you with your marital issues!" 1.1566 0.04992 83 73 7 3
3014 We think your stock portfolio will double in value by the 4th quarter of the millennium. 1.1565 0.04205 115 101 10 4
3015 Yes, you made the right move bringing all your savings into crypto-currency. Now let me give you the magic word chant and just watch your fortune climb. 1.1565 0.04205 115 101 10 4
3016 That all depends on whether the stars align. 1.1565 0.03620 115 98 16 1
3017 If you want your marriage to work, you gotta come back to earth 1.1565 0.03825 115 99 14 2
3018 Honestly, I'm not really good at this. 1.1565 0.03620 115 98 16 1
3019 I’m afraid I’ve offered them all my tricks, but the government still wants taxes. 1.1565 0.03620 115 98 16 1
3020 There isn't a spell in the world that can solve your marriage problems. 1.1565 0.03620 115 98 16 1
3021 I can't do your financial retirement planning until I know your signs. 1.1562 0.04009 96 82 13 1
3022 We promise our interest rates will have you over the moon. 1.1562 0.04523 96 84 9 3
3023 Predictions of more than three quarters out are less reliable. Especially with a portfolio of tech stocks. 1.1562 0.04759 96 85 7 4
3024 I'm going to need you to go ahead and convert all our telescopes into horoscopes. 1.1562 0.04984 96 86 5 5
3025 I think the Golden 18 inch wand with the LED light on the tip is best for you 1.1562 0.04523 96 84 9 3
3026 We've waited for half a century to return to the moon, so you're trip may take a little more time. 1.1562 0.04274 96 83 11 2
3027 We don’t track planetary reincarnation. 1.1562 0.04759 96 85 7 4
3028 Sorry, but our institution prohibits black magic. 1.1562 0.04274 96 83 11 2
3029 It only called the Barnum Effect with people less intelligent than yourselves. Spacecoin will be much safer than Bitcoin, I can assure you. 1.1560 0.04158 109 95 11 3
3030 " Yes." 1.1560 0.04158 109 95 11 3
3031 No, really ... everybody IS a star. 1.1560 0.03491 109 92 17 0
3032 So, according to your application, you're claiming asylum due to gang violence in your home country? 1.1560 0.03948 109 94 13 2
3033 Ah, yes, I get many questions about cryptocurrency. 1.1560 0.03948 109 94 13 2
3034 With your allergies, I would advise not trying Mercury. 1.1560 0.04357 109 96 9 4
3035 Well, I wouldn't say he's a "whiz"–ard... 1.1558 0.04914 77 67 8 2
3036 I’m not one of those read your palm hacks. I just need to find my crystal ball. 1.1556 0.04717 90 79 8 3
3037 I am afraid your application for Mars travel loan is declined. 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
3038 Your marriage, like a black hole, suffers from the sunk cost fallacy. 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
3039 Our school prides itself on down-to-earth relationships among children. 1.1556 0.04717 90 79 8 3
3040 Folks, please be honest. Is it the planetary posters that are making you uncomfortable with me? 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
3041 You have to get creative when dealing with the I.R.S. 1.1556 0.04717 90 79 8 3
3042 I was a urologist before I went into astronomy. Let's just say I prefer these robes over my old ones. 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
3043 Yes, I realize my attire might not be what you'd expect, but everyone's entitled to their own fashion sense. Now, do you have receipts for your charitable contributions? I can't do your taxes without them. It's not like I have a magic wand or something. 1.1556 0.04717 90 79 8 3
3044 In my experience, Gemini and Scorpio are incompatible so I don't think your marriage can be saved. 1.1553 0.04310 103 90 10 3
3045 Trust me, the profits in your crypto trading accounts are out of this world. 1.1553 0.04310 103 90 10 3
3046 I'm happy to discuss our most popular honeymoon options. 1.1553 0.04310 103 90 10 3
3047 I sense that there is a bit of cosmic disturbance in your galaxy. 1.1553 0.04310 103 90 10 3
3048 As your oncologist, I want you to be comfortable with my advice. 1.1553 0.04310 103 90 10 3
3049 There's a real science as to how we review your application 1.1553 0.04083 103 89 12 2
3050 …and that explains why we have no responsibility for the past, and why reparations are an idea born of psuedo-science. 1.1553 0.04525 103 91 8 4
3051 We're continuing where Bowie left off. 1.1553 0.03843 103 88 14 1
3052 It's all inclusive but the outfit is extra. 1.1553 0.04083 103 89 12 2
3053 No, this is not Hogwarts. 1.1553 0.04310 103 90 10 3
3054 We can’t guarantee the teleportation will take you somewhere in another galaxy or with oxygen per se but you will get a nifty wizard outfit for the parties 1.1553 0.04083 103 89 12 2
3055 Return rockets are scheduled at least once a century. 1.1552 0.03987 116 101 12 3
3056 Perhaps you’d prefer a less risky investment strategy 1.1550 0.03724 129 112 14 3
3057 So you're an astrophysicist, can you please tell what's the fault in our stars? 1.1550 0.04036 129 114 10 5
3058 Investment advice is as much art as science. 1.1548 0.04316 84 72 11 1
3059 This is couple's therapy. What else did you expect? 1.1548 0.05219 84 75 5 4
3060 Fee, Fie, Foe, Fum. I smell the blood of a Labrador Retriever. Named Blackie. 1.1548 0.04637 84 73 9 2
3061 Sorry folks, Pluto is no longer a planet. Not coming back! 1.1548 0.04637 84 73 9 2
3062 I'm afraid your son Pluto is about to be expelled. 1.1546 0.04713 97 86 7 4
3063 Let’s start with infinity. How much do you know about infinity? 1.1546 0.03971 97 83 13 1
3064 I’m afraid your sparkle index is very low. 1.1546 0.04232 97 84 11 2
3065 I see a tax audit in your future 1.1546 0.04232 97 84 11 2
3066 I know the hat looks familiar, but don't mistake the style from the substance. 1.1546 0.04232 97 84 11 2
3067 I’m sorry Dr. Tyson, that’s not how this works. 1.1546 0.04713 97 86 7 4
3068 Let's get one thing straight...I'm a sorcerer not a travel agent! 1.1546 0.04479 97 85 9 3
3069 Yes, the tunic came with the posters 1.1546 0.04713 97 86 7 4
3070 Making someone 'disappear' is not something I do, and I don't think you'd be here if that's how you really felt. 1.1546 0.04232 97 84 11 2
3071 Unfortunately our teleportation vacations are currently one way tickets only 1.1546 0.04479 97 85 9 3
3072 A Leo and Sagittarius will never work 1.1546 0.04232 97 84 11 2
3073 You say he’s got a spell over you, but ask yourself: Is all this hocus pocus really worth the open sesame? 1.1546 0.04713 97 86 7 4
3074 Astrology / astronomy, tomayto / tomahto 🤷🏻‍♂️. 1.1546 0.04713 97 86 7 4
3075 It’s not surprising that your son Pluto is having an identity crisis. 1.1545 0.03915 110 95 13 2
3076 Xenu should be here any minute…..Tom Cruise is in the other room though, if you’d like to meet him! 1.1545 0.04122 110 96 11 3
3077 This is an odd case. You both agreed to see me 1.1545 0.04122 110 96 11 3
3078 If she really wants more space, might I suggest separate bedrooms? 1.1545 0.04320 110 97 9 4
3079 Out of this world" stands for everything good 1.1545 0.04122 110 96 11 3
3080 Tommy’s adamant that he meant to say ‘abra cadabra’ instead of ‘avada kedavra.’ 1.1545 0.03695 110 94 15 1
3081 Sorry, spaced out there for a second. Unfortunately there's nothing I can do about the extradition. 1.1545 0.03657 123 106 15 2
3082 I realized hate mongering just isn't as lucrative as couples therapy. 1.1538 0.04668 91 80 8 3
3083 This motherfucker. 1.1538 0.05165 91 82 4 5
3084 Now tell me, what exactly do you see here in this photo on my left? 1.1538 0.04484 104 92 8 4
3085 Yes, and here are the reasons why I am the best choice to be your financial planner… 1.1538 0.04271 104 91 10 3
3086 Resolving your marital problems is about my power! 1.1538 0.04484 104 92 8 4
3087 Rest assured, I'm not just an Accountant to the Stars. 1.1538 0.04668 91 80 8 3
3088 According to my knowledge of the stars, I can imagine tomorrow is the best day for your son to do his engagement. Basharmal Qazi, Chicago, IL 1.1538 0.04271 104 91 10 3
3089 Is it the coat and hat you’re having a problem with? Or just the hat? 1.1538 0.04399 91 79 10 2
3090 'I am afraid you are star-crossed lovers' 1.1538 0.04484 104 92 8 4
3091 In college, I studied astronomy, thinking it was astrology, so I practice both too... Anyway, shall we get started on your taxidermy? 1.1538 0.04484 104 92 8 4
3092 The cleaners mixed up my suits with someone else’s. 1.1538 0.04112 91 78 12 1
3093 Even though yo’ve expanded your location expectations, I’m afraid your loan application is still going to require some special processing. 1.1538 0.04112 91 78 12 1
3094 I said I know astronomy not astrology. 1.1538 0.04399 91 79 10 2
3095 You can trust me as your financial advisor. I'm not going anywhere. 1.1538 0.04046 104 90 12 2
3096 At our school the S in the STEM Program stands for sorcery . 1.1538 0.04112 91 78 12 1
3097 So you want your marriage to be more magical. 1.1538 0.04399 91 79 10 2
3098 As you can see your son has made Uranus bigger than any other planet. Is everything okay at home? 1.1538 0.04399 91 79 10 2
3099 All Your Base Are Belong to Us” 1.1538 0.04046 104 90 12 2
3100 Everyone was wishing upon a star. So I took it to the next level and became,The Star Whisperer. 1.1538 0.03955 117 102 12 3
3101 Deciding which streaming service to subscribe to has proven to be the most complex problem I've tackled... 1.1538 0.04046 104 90 12 2
3102 Sorry, my boss Oz left for the way beyond. 1.1532 0.03629 124 107 15 2
3103 Our best deal is the Mercury In Retrograde package. 1.1532 0.04283 111 98 9 4
3104 I can make you both stars. 1.1532 0.03882 111 96 13 2
3105 I see. So your 'star-crossed" love needs some realignment. You've come to the right place." 1.1532 0.03665 111 95 15 1
3106 In his defense, Mr. and Mrs. Fuchs, he’s a flagrant misspeller.” 1.1532 0.03665 111 95 15 1
3107 And for the voyage around Titan, this month all drinks are free. 1.1532 0.04087 111 97 11 3
3108 They said I could have my own space, you see. 1.1532 0.03882 111 96 13 2
3109 All your destination planets are white like me. Is that a problem? 1.1531 0.04436 98 86 9 3
3110 I can see you’re skeptical but think about it - I got you into this cartoon, didn’t I? 1.1531 0.04436 98 86 9 3
3111 Your financial future is looking very cloudy at the moment. I wish I had my crystal ball so I could be clearer on the details. 1.1531 0.04436 98 86 9 3
3112 So, you both want to work for the Fed ? 1.1531 0.03933 98 84 13 1
3113 The concept of men are from Mars and women are from Venus is crucial for a lasting marriage. 1.1531 0.04436 98 86 9 3
3114 Since there is no earthly chance you can win that case, I thought we'd try something else. 1.1531 0.04436 98 86 9 3
3115 Your child is just too intelligent to be an astrologist. 1.1531 0.04192 98 85 11 2
3116 I can offer you miracles, not help. 1.1531 0.04192 98 85 11 2
3117 We’re not Scientologist yet,but we’re getting there ! 1.1531 0.04887 98 88 5 5
3118 Cyd Celestial, at your service. 1.1529 0.04881 85 75 7 3
3119 I see a trip to Costco in your future. 1.1529 0.05160 85 76 5 4
3120 Yes I know the hat is a bit much, but the gods require it. Do you think I could pull it off at the Kentucky Derby 1.1529 0.04585 85 74 9 2
3121 Your relationship problems will require a realignment of the stars, but I’m no magician! 1.1529 0.04881 85 75 7 3
3122 Each travel-in-time share includes a free nights stay and dinner. 1.1529 0.04585 85 74 9 2
3123 The University takes our Astrophysics major quite seriously. 1.1529 0.04585 85 74 9 2
3124 I would like to welcome you to couples therapy. 1.1529 0.04585 85 74 9 2
3125 Now just nod along and pretend that you know what a rising moon sign is. 1.1525 0.03734 118 102 14 2
3126 I'll have my staff prepare the summons...Mary--the one with the crystal handle, please. 1.1525 0.04104 118 104 10 4
3127 I know, but tenure isn't what it used to be. 1.1524 0.04010 105 91 12 2
3128 I don't think not wanting Ed to saw me in half is the same as "trust issues". 1.1524 0.04232 105 92 10 3
3129 I only see two possibilities for your future, either one affair or one tax audit... either way you’re screwed. 1.1524 0.04444 105 93 8 4
3130 Sadly, Wordle is beyond even my vast abilities. 1.1524 0.04010 105 91 12 2
3131 Finding a home can be difficult, I will put you in touch with some aliens I know. 1.1524 0.04010 105 91 12 2
3132 Sorry for the confusion. Astrologers don't do colonoscopies. 1.1524 0.04444 105 93 8 4
3133 Oh, fuck! 1.1524 0.04232 105 92 10 3
3134 So, the planets are telling me the best time to invest was last year. 1.1524 0.04010 105 91 12 2
3135 Did you feel gullible when you accepted the theory of relativity as fact? 1.1522 0.04620 92 81 8 3
3136 We are waiting for the most auspicious planetary alignment before applying for NASA media accreditation. 1.1522 0.04620 92 81 8 3
3137 This is not some grand ollusiI’m just here to present the facts. 1.1522 0.04620 92 81 8 3
3138 Yes, pretty much the same everywhere. 1.1522 0.04070 92 79 12 1
3139 The moon is in the 7th House, and Jupiter is aligned with Mars. Sympathy and trust abounding. No more falsehoods or derisions. And with that I regret to tell you I forgot my password, am locked out of Turbotax, and so your tax forms aren't ready. 1.1522 0.04620 92 81 8 3
3140 Unfortunately, the cards indicate that the Fed will raise interest rates. 1.1522 0.04354 92 80 10 2
3141 Right now, we"re only booking one-way flights to Jupiter. You'll have to find your own way home. 1.1522 0.04872 92 82 6 4
3142 What else did you except for the low-budget "Seeing Stars in Hollywood" tour? 1.1520 0.03944 125 110 11 4
3143 Our loans are out of this world. 1.1519 0.04445 79 68 10 1
3144 I have a few Astronomy facts up my sleeve. 1.1519 0.04797 79 69 8 2
3145 I'm sorry for comparing your child's anus to a black hole, but I assure you, I didn't mean it in a racist way. 1.1518 0.04053 112 98 11 3
3146 I'm free to take your case after halloween! 1.1518 0.04432 112 100 7 5
3147 An astronomy wiz? No, I'm an astronomical wizard! 1.1518 0.04053 112 98 11 3
3148 There’s no real spell for that… we just prescribe viagra 1.1518 0.04432 112 100 7 5
3149 Yes, the view is nice from the 123,456,789,012,345,678,901,234,567,890th floor. 1.1518 0.04053 112 98 11 3
3150 I’ve divined your results, but it’s not an exact science 1.1518 0.03849 112 97 13 2
3151 So they say men are from Mars and women are from Venus. 1.1515 0.04152 99 86 11 2
3152 Your alien status is still pending 1.1515 0.03896 99 85 13 1
3153 I'm sorry but we take absenteeism very seriously, regardless of the invisibility spell 1.1515 0.04152 99 86 11 2
3154 "Have you tried reading 'Goodnight Moon' to get to sleep?" 1.1515 0.04393 99 87 9 3
3155 You imagined all the racism; it happened in an alternate universe. 1.1515 0.03896 99 85 13 1
3156 I can't magically refill your 401K, but I can help you communicate telepathically with your lost money. 1.1515 0.04152 99 86 11 2
3157 We've got a nice little fixer-upper on the moon for just $1200 hern 1.1515 0.04393 99 87 9 3
3158 With me, your investment portfolio is in safe hands. 1.1515 0.04152 99 86 11 2
3159 Interest rates are astronomical. In order to approve the loan, your credit is going to have to be out of this world. 1.1515 0.04152 99 86 11 2
3160 Final Interview for the Sorcerer’s Apprentice 1.1515 0.03896 99 85 13 1
3161 Welcome to Hogwarts for grownups. I promise you won’t have to play Quidditch. 1.1515 0.04393 99 87 9 3
3162 No, you can not pull on my finger and see what happens! 1.1513 0.04071 119 105 10 4
3163 The cosmos is advising that you put off retirement until all your stars are aligned 1.1513 0.03508 119 102 16 1
3164 But your pointy hat is a red flag… 1.1512 0.04535 86 75 9 2
3165 Yes, I believe the salvation of your marriage lies in the stars and, good news . . . I'm also a travel agent! 1.1512 0.04535 86 75 9 2
3166 You know, I'm somewhat of a financial wizard myself. 1.1512 0.04223 86 74 11 1
3167 Listen, we’d love to help, but we can’t move Heaven and Earth. 1.1512 0.04827 86 76 7 3
3168 Welcome to hell. I will be your overlord. 1.1509 0.04404 106 94 8 4
3169 As your intergalactic travel agent Wizard, I suggest you go with Branson over Musk since Branson has economy seating in his rocket ship and cheaper excursions on Mars. 1.1509 0.03975 106 92 12 2
3170 No fortunes, just interstellar travel. 1.1509 0.04195 106 93 10 3
3171 Wands are extra. 1.1509 0.03494 106 90 16 0
3172 Can you tell, us why are we here? 1.1509 0.04404 106 94 8 4
3173 I encourage you to keep working,because magical thinking alone won't increase the size of your 401(k). 1.1507 0.05038 73 64 7 2
3174 I know I look like the Cookie Crisp Wizard but the stars are good for branding! 1.1505 0.03728 93 79 14 0
3175 I might be able to work a little magic and get you into something other worldly. 1.1505 0.04310 93 81 10 2
3176 If my thinking is too conventional for you I can recommend a therapist who is really out there 1.1505 0.04573 93 82 8 3
3177 We don't do Moral Arcs here . .due to what happened to Rainbows. We stick to Old Fashioned science 1.1505 0.04030 93 80 12 1
3178 This is how this is going to work: You give me a coin. I flip it and if it's heads, then I win and if it's tails, then we go back in time and change it so Tony Soprano gets rubbed out in the series finale'. 1.1505 0.04573 93 82 8 3
3179 I don't need no stinking wand! 1.1505 0.04573 93 82 8 3
3180 My specialty is exploring the many definitions of, “fine.” 1.1505 0.04310 93 81 10 2
3181 Advanced Astronomy is no laughing matter. 1.1505 0.04573 93 82 8 3
3182 WizardCoin IS the next big investment! Up is Down, Right is Wrong, and your money is safe with us! 1.1505 0.04573 93 82 8 3
3183 I may be a magician 1.1505 0.04030 93 80 12 1
3184 Just between you and me, you might be better off visiting the Hayden Planetarium! 1.1505 0.04573 93 82 8 3
3185 I'm sorry. I can't help you. 2 Gemini!?, it will never work. You should have consulted an Astrologist BEFORE you got married. 1.1505 0.04573 93 82 8 3
3186 Psychotherapy is a complicated service... 1.1505 0.04573 93 82 8 3
3187 Our admissions process has moved to spell-optional 1.1505 0.04030 93 80 12 1
3188 Thanks to you two, company sales have shot right up to space. Now you’ll have to fire some your your subordinates to become more capital efficient . 1.1505 0.04310 93 81 10 2
3189 A stellium could spice up the aspects of your relationship in retrograde 1.1505 0.04030 93 80 12 1
3190 After a careful reading of the charts, we’re recommending that you buy low, and sell high. 1.1505 0.04310 93 81 10 2
3191 We’re afraid your son is falling behind in class. Is there anything in the home that might distracting him? 1.1505 0.04310 93 81 10 2
3192 The Wiz with taxes is next door 1.1504 0.04019 113 99 11 3
3193 Sorry. Your money has disappeared in cyberspace. 1.1504 0.03604 113 97 15 1
3194 We have an exceptional study abroad program here that I’m sure your son will love. 1.1504 0.03604 113 97 15 1
3195 A good old-fashioned Quidditch match should do just the trick. 1.1500 0.04352 100 88 9 3
3196 Not even a wizard can help you through your marital problems. 1.1500 0.03860 100 86 13 1
3197 Creative accounting is so passé 1.1500 0.03589 100 85 15 0
3198 So, Oz is really an expensive trip! 1.1500 0.03860 100 86 13 1
3199 My fee goes up when I use my crystal ball. 1.1500 0.03860 100 86 13 1
3200 Whizzy wee, whizzy woe, mind the Wizard, don't you know! 1.1500 0.03862 120 105 12 3
3201 This is a space safe space. 1.1500 0.04578 100 89 7 4
3202 I am not the Grand Wizard who burned your house down. I am an astrologer. 1.1500 0.04113 100 87 11 2
3203 The 60/40 equity to bond ratio still works. 1.1500 0.04113 100 87 11 2
3204 My marriage counselling practice focuses on spouses that want space. 1.1500 0.04794 100 90 5 5
3205 Thank you for coming, but I really don't need the staff. 1.1500 0.04578 100 89 7 4
3206 And, you see the black holes were really just dust that fell of my wand and got on the telescope lens. 1.1500 0.04352 100 88 9 3
3207 My accreditation requires me to tell you that using the zodiac to heal your tax return's aura is not an exact science. 1.1495 0.03940 107 93 12 2
3208 With great power comes an even better APR. 1.1495 0.03710 107 92 14 1
3209 I advise all my clients to shoot for the stars 1.1495 0.03940 107 93 12 2
3210 So now for the bad news. 1.1495 0.04365 107 95 8 4
3211 Most couples therapists will tell you they can't perform magic. This, my friends, is what sets my services apart. 1.1495 0.03940 107 93 12 2
3212 I think you need to be more grounded. 1.1495 0.03940 107 93 12 2
3213 Marriage counseling is provided only in terms of alternate reality 1.1495 0.04158 107 94 10 3
3214 Cryptos may sound funny, but they're a lot safer than mutual funds. 1.1495 0.03710 107 92 14 1
3215 But this is nothing compared to king Arthur’s court 1.1495 0.03710 107 92 14 1
3216 You can tell me your problems, I’m sworn to secrecy. 1.1494 0.04178 87 75 11 1
3217 You've apparently mistaken me for some kind of wizard..... 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
3218 It's your sky full of stars 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
3219 You see wizardry is not an exact science, so I could be wrong 1.1494 0.04178 87 75 11 1
3220 For just $5,000, 000 you get a trip around Ursus Major, with Ursus Minor added for a small supplemental package fee. 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
3221 And that's the basis of fiat currency... 1.1494 0.04775 87 77 7 3
3222 Yeah the Standard Model of physics gets the job done. But can I interest you in the Premium Model? 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
3223 I’m sorry, but I’m not the Wizard of Oz. I can’t give you the heart, the brain, or the courage to do what you should already be doing. 1.1491 0.03575 114 98 15 1
3224 Yes! I am the Grand Wizard.. And you are inquiring about open enrollment? 1.1491 0.03786 114 99 13 2
3225 I don’t know what’s got into young Harry. 1.1491 0.04176 114 101 9 4
3226 What’s your life insurance situation? 1.1491 0.04176 114 101 9 4
3227 Surprisingly, 'the stars are all aligned’ isn’t science-based. 1.1489 0.04267 94 82 10 2
3228 I'm embracing it. 1.1489 0.04527 94 83 8 3
3229 May I ask how you learned of our interplanetary relocation services? 1.1489 0.04527 94 83 8 3
3230 You need a lawyer with a few tricks up his sleeve. 1.1489 0.04267 94 82 10 2
3231 I promise to provide an outside perspective on your relationship. 1.1489 0.03990 94 81 12 1
3232 Why don't you understand? Pajamas are the new casual Friday Every day outerwear. 1.1489 0.04527 94 83 8 3
3233 Actually I am a magician and a lawyer - A Wizardtorney if you will! 1.1489 0.04527 94 83 8 3
3234 And this month only, we are also offering a BOGO plan. Would you like to hear more about that as well? 1.1489 0.05007 94 85 4 5
3235 I'm a marriage counselor, and a miracle worker. This miracle ain't working. 1.1489 0.04267 94 82 10 2
3236 As difficult as they may be, dry spells are completely normal in a relationship. 1.1489 0.04527 94 83 8 3
3237 I am well aware that Pluto has recently lost its planetary designation, but I assure you that my degree from Pluto Polytechnic is recognized throughout the solar system. 1.1488 0.04176 121 108 8 5
3238 You think you have problems? Look at my hat. 1.1485 0.04311 101 89 9 3
3239 Being a magician, I can do amazing things. But I'm not the Pied Piper. 1.1485 0.04075 101 88 11 2
3240 I can have you on another planet by close of day. Dealer prep,oxygen,water and gravity charges apply. 1.1485 0.03824 101 87 13 1
3241 Constellation is our future, again. 1.1485 0.04075 101 88 11 2
3242 I understand you want to go back to your future. What has not worked out for you so far? 1.1485 0.04535 101 90 7 4
3243 My reviews on the internet don’t tell the whole story. 1.1485 0.04075 101 88 11 2
3244 As it turns out, Mr. and Mrs. Johnson, your second home on Mars is not tax-deductible after all. 1.1485 0.04311 101 89 9 3
3245 Actually, I have three hundred sixty degrees, mostly honorary. 1.1485 0.03824 101 87 13 1
3246 I called you in here today to report that your son tried to use a forbidden spell on me. ‘Legilimency’... to access my thoughts and memories. We had to confiscate his wand. 1.1485 0.04075 101 88 11 2
3247 My mind is a blank and I'll smash your face for you, yarblockos. 1.1485 0.04311 101 89 9 3
3248 No. I am not a member of the Kook Klucks Klan 1.1485 0.04311 101 89 9 3
3249 Let me see..are you the Ruggles of Red Gap, or are you Muggles? 1.1485 0.04311 101 89 9 3
3250 Yes, since the James Webb has exposed me, I'm now offering my services at half price. The deal is quite out of this world. 1.1485 0.04075 101 88 11 2
3251 I'm a 'fiduciary' independent financial advisor. 1.1481 0.03906 108 94 12 2
3252 Mercury being in retrograde your chances are not good. 1.1481 0.03678 108 93 14 1
3253 When is the last time Harry had his eyes checked? 1.1481 0.04326 108 96 8 4
3254 I have good news. We have discovered a planet, 47 light years away, where your loan application might be approved. 1.1481 0.04685 81 71 8 2
3255 For just $44.99 you can have your very own solar system. 1.1481 0.04685 81 71 8 2
3256 I’m sorry, it’s like Jimmy has his head in the clouds. I’m not sure he’s Flying Start Academy material. 1.1481 0.05003 81 72 6 3
3257 The Moon is in the Seventh House, and Jupiter is aligned with Mars, so Seventh Federal's 5.98% 15-year mortgage rate looks propitious. 1.1481 0.04522 108 97 6 5
3258 Forget retrogade, Mercury is in its kween slay-era. 1.1481 0.04121 108 95 10 3
3259 We put all of our energy into creating magical memories, and that's a lot of unforgettable moments to share. 1.1481 0.04326 108 96 8 4
3260 I really appreciate having my own space. 1.1481 0.04685 81 71 8 2
3261 His homework is great - but in class - Jeremy spends most of his time in fantasy. 1.1481 0.03906 108 94 12 2
3262 I believe Astrophysics grounds you. 1.1478 0.03953 115 101 11 3
3263 We believe in the magical world of old school grading! 1.1477 0.04438 88 77 9 2
3264 We can include Pluto in the horoscope,but it will cost extra. 1.1477 0.04438 88 77 9 2
3265 Thank you for your interest in Orbit Funeral Services. Your loved one's ashes will circle the planet of your choice for aeons. Have you written the orbituary? 1.1477 0.04133 88 76 11 1
3266 I think I can get you on the next trip to the astral plain - would you mind sitting in the back? 1.1477 0.04992 88 79 5 4
3267 Let's take a heavenly body break. 1.1477 0.04438 88 77 9 2
3268 My prices are out of this world! 1.1477 0.04133 88 76 11 1
3269 …and so, those are the nine disclosure exemptions and three Special Protection Provision/Exclusion categories of records not subject to FOIA requirements. Any questions 1.1475 0.03428 122 105 16 1
3270 We do both time shares to the moon and a weird 21st-century version of Marriage Encounter, whichever you prefer. 1.1475 0.03620 122 106 14 2
3271 Of course I can't predict the exact outcome of your case, but I do know that when the moon is in the Seventh House and Jupiter aligns with Mars, then peace will guide the planets and love will steer the stars." 1.1474 0.04482 95 84 8 3
3272 He went down the hallway to take another wiz. 1.1474 0.04482 95 84 8 3
3273 As I've gotten older and wiser, I also realize that there are so many things I don't know. Thus, the celestial dunce cap. 1.1474 0.04482 95 84 8 3
3274 Shadow Wizard Money Gang, we love casting spells 1.1474 0.03951 95 82 12 1
3275 You’re looking for a single solar system home in a far away galaxy where your children can easily fly to school, do I have that right? 1.1474 0.04482 95 84 8 3
3276 I believe your marriage would be improved by expanding your horizons. 1.1474 0.04225 95 83 10 2
3277 Sure, your marriage is happy — but it’s not Space Wiz happy. 1.1474 0.04482 95 84 8 3
3278 It's basically SpaceX, but with less rockets and more mushrooms. 1.1474 0.04225 95 83 10 2
3279 So we do have something similar to the Hogwarts house quiz, it's called a birthchart 1.1474 0.04725 95 85 6 4
3280 I'm sorry. Even my powers can't locate Shelly Miscavige 1.1471 0.04493 102 91 7 4
3281 You may think that an all-inclusive trip to the Moon is far-fetched, but Tucker Carlson is my partner on this project. 1.1471 0.04493 102 91 7 4
3282 I can move your funds, but your stars not so much. 1.1471 0.03790 102 88 13 1
3283 I'm sorry, Mr. and Mrs. Jones, the rocket club sent Johnny to Mars this morning. 1.1471 0.04271 102 90 9 3
3284 I can't guarantee your investments will increase in value, even if I am a financial wizard. 1.1471 0.03790 102 88 13 1
3285 I’m sending you to Mars And your wife to Venus. 1.1471 0.03790 102 88 13 1
3286 A time share on Mars will appreciate as more people travel far beyond the Earth's atmosphere. 1.1471 0.04271 102 90 9 3
3287 We recommend Mars in the summer, and Venus in the winter. 1.1471 0.03790 102 88 13 1
3288 How many planets we implant will depend on many factors. 1.1471 0.03790 102 88 13 1
3289 We’re happy to give you a loan but the interest rate will be out of this world 1.1471 0.03790 102 88 13 1
3290 Regretfully, your child is not a science wizard" 1.1471 0.03790 102 88 13 1
3291 I know you've proudly 'put it out there',' but as its senior representative, it is my duty to inform you that the universe doesn't see you getting the Nobel Prize for your blog about refinancing your mortgage." 1.1468 0.03646 109 94 14 1
3292 If Jupiter is redlined, this is the first I've heard of it. 1.1468 0.03646 109 94 14 1
3293 For $99.99 I'll tell you about the aliens. 1.1468 0.03872 109 95 12 2
3294 OK, I can get you on the next Virgin Galactica, but there are no minority discounts. 1.1468 0.03872 109 95 12 2
3295 Your son has too much reality in his life. 1.1466 0.03921 116 102 11 3
3296 I dress like this for all of my clients. 1.1466 0.03725 116 101 13 2
3297 Our trips are all fun and magical. 1.1463 0.03592 123 107 14 2
3298 We don’t teach magic here, actually, but enrollment has nevertheless doubled since we adopted the new uniforms. 1.1463 0.03927 82 70 12 0
3299 Frankly, we're not sure where your application is. 1.1463 0.04293 82 71 10 1
3300 Thoughts and prayers? No, not at this firm. You must be thinking of our competitor. 1.1463 0.04293 82 71 10 1
3301 No I don’t think our fight had anything to do with Saturns rings 1.1463 0.04631 82 72 8 2
3302 When the moon is in the seventh house and jupiter aligns with mars you get 20% off your entire stay and we throw in a free breakfast buffet. 1.1461 0.04090 89 77 11 1
3303 We've located your son. He's hiding out on an alien planet. 1.1461 0.04673 89 79 7 3
3304 If Hear me out on Lunar Timeshares and one grandchild can claim an acre on Mars. 1.1461 0.04673 89 79 7 3
3305 First impressions can be misleading. 1.1461 0.04673 89 79 7 3
3306 I predict you' ll laugh about my outfit when you leave this consultation. 1.1458 0.04183 96 84 10 2
3307 You want a magical vacay--I'm your guy. 1.1458 0.04437 96 85 8 3
3308 The flight to Mars is magical, and even cheap -- just a one-way ticket. 1.1458 0.04678 96 86 6 4
3309 I’ve heard your request, but you forgot the magic word. 1.1458 0.03912 96 83 12 1
3310 Mercury is in retrograde and all your money is gone. 1.1458 0.03621 96 82 14 0
3311 These investments are for saving the Universe. 1.1458 0.03912 96 83 12 1
3312 Job entails monitoring the Pluto primary election between the cone heads and the dunce caps. 1.1458 0.04437 96 85 8 3
3313 I'm afraid your Necromancy Rewards points can't be used for car rental fees in Cleveland. They're only valid for travel in the Metaphysical realm. 1.1458 0.04437 96 85 8 3
3314 Your child is wandering around like she's on a different planet. I'm nominating her for class-president. 1.1458 0.04678 96 86 6 4
3315 What makes you think I can cast a spell? 1.1458 0.04183 96 84 10 2
3316 None of your ideas are out there enough for me. 1.1458 0.04183 96 84 10 2
3317 We see your point...but the cosmos is over our head. 1.1458 0.04437 96 85 8 3
3318 NASA Communications Outreach Specialist Dr. Howard Gallan was widely criticized for his mystical ideology. 1.1458 0.04437 96 85 8 3
3319 A simple "Presto Chango"- and history shifted to fit the right-wing narrative. 1.1458 0.04437 96 85 8 3
3320 You'll see, Regwards is even better. 1.1458 0.03912 96 83 12 1
3321 Accounting wizard? I consider myself more of a 'refund conjure' 1.1458 0.04183 96 84 10 2
3322 So, is this the first time you've sought Astro-Wizardry Couples Therapy? 1.1456 0.03755 103 89 13 1
3323 The universe and my marital therapy degree indicate you two are a disaster! 1.1456 0.04001 103 90 11 2
3324 Normally with an all-cash offer above asking price we would wave all contingencies. Unfortunately, I forgot my wand at home. 1.1456 0.04232 103 91 9 3
3325 I see circles and dots in your future. 1.1456 0.03755 103 89 13 1
3326 You have two options,Mr. Johnson. Either Sheila takes half of your assets,or I make them disappear myself. 1.1456 0.04001 103 90 11 2
3327 It’s not a timeshare in space, it’s a vacation club… in space 1.1456 0.03755 103 89 13 1
3328 I suggest you make consistent appointments until using 'expecto patronum' produces a corporal form 1.1455 0.03615 110 95 14 1
3329 So, is there any way to reverse our son's expulsion from wizarding school? 1.1455 0.03839 110 96 12 2
3330 We’re going to have to expel your child from Hogwarts. We caught him using ChatGPT in potions class. 1.1455 0.03615 110 95 14 1
3331 Of course we have a payment plan, but you'll have to invest in CryptoSpaceCoin to qualify. 1.1453 0.03889 117 103 11 3
3332 Here at Spaced Out Funding, you can make payments based on any planet's rotation. 1.1446 0.04889 83 74 6 3
3333 Come on now, even The Amazing Mysterio can’t predict every market downturn! 1.1446 0.04578 83 73 8 2
3334 I'm bullish on Taurus.com. Scale back on Libra.com. 1.1446 0.04889 83 74 6 3
3335 Just who do you think I am? 1.1446 0.04578 83 73 8 2
3336 My crystal ball is in the shop so I'm afraid we won't be able to speak to your grandparents today. 1.1444 0.04048 90 78 11 1
3337 I’ll tell you what I tell all my clients, ‘ you’re nuts.’ 1.1444 0.04623 90 80 7 3
3338 Yes, Elon is indeed my Bastard Son. He was a really weird kid. 1.1444 0.04886 90 81 5 4
3339 So as you can tell, I’ve made this my whole personality 1.1444 0.04623 90 80 7 3
3340 No, I didn’t foresee your appointment was today. 1.1444 0.04048 90 78 11 1
3341 Uranus seems to be in the way 1.1444 0.04886 90 81 5 4
3342 Time to sa-turn this marriage around. 1.1444 0.03726 90 77 13 0
3343 So you say you’ve lost that magic spark. May I recommend more realistic expectations? 1.1444 0.04345 90 79 9 2
3344 I'm afraid with interest rates like these you can't afford to purchase a home anywhere in the universe. No, not even the outer Nebula. 1.1444 0.04623 90 80 7 3
3345 Here at Milky Way accounting, we’ll shoot the moon on getting you a big bang on your tax return! 1.1444 0.04345 90 79 9 2
3346 My practice is mostly all referral work from Madame Cherbourg, our local fortune teller. 1.1443 0.03875 97 84 12 1
3347 When you learn your CPA has a weekend side hustle as an astrologer. 1.1443 0.04142 97 85 10 2
3348 that house you wanted. I'm sorry, it just not in your stars 1.1443 0.04142 97 85 10 2
3349 I’d like you to get comfortable considering me as your reformed Ku Klux Klanner slash marriage counselor. 1.1443 0.04142 97 85 10 2
3350 For most of my clients, this couples therapy is intended to restore a little magic into the relationship. 1.1443 0.03875 97 84 12 1
3351 Admittedly, we lose a few to the Elks and the Kawanis, but at the end of the day, the astral plane beckons! 1.1443 0.04394 97 86 8 3
3352 Then there's the executive spell package: 20 SleakSneakys, 10 DynaBangs, 5 ColussAblams and, today only, I will throw in a full head of hair" 1.1443 0.04142 97 85 10 2
3353 The hat? It's religious. 1.1443 0.04142 97 85 10 2
3354 Your going to have to work on your relationship, I cast spells not miracles. 1.1443 0.04394 97 86 8 3
3355 Yes, your son is trapped in an intergalactic time loop. Do you recall the waiver that you signed when you enrolled him in our program? 1.1442 0.03722 104 90 13 1
3356 Our methodology is scientific - but you gotta believe! 1.1442 0.04193 104 92 9 3
3357 Our timeshares are out of this world. 1.1442 0.03722 104 90 13 1
3358 As things stand now, you will likely be able to retire when Halley’s comet returns. 1.1442 0.04193 104 92 9 3
3359 Do you wish you were on another planet right now? 1.1442 0.03965 104 91 11 2
3360 What are your retirement goals? 1.1441 0.04016 111 98 10 3
3361 The uniform is non-negotiable and tuition is non-refundable. 1.1441 0.03807 111 97 12 2
3362 Indeed, space magic has saved many relationships. 1.1441 0.03462 118 102 15 1
3363 Yeah, the wizarding academy did not work out the way I had hoped. 1.1429 0.03555 112 97 14 1
3364 I only take moon dust. No cash or credit.” -Alison K. I Burns, M 1.1429 0.03841 84 72 12 0
3365 I'll be frank with you: Your daughter will never be a star. 1.1429 0.04351 98 87 8 3
3366 We will have to continue this therapy on another planet to be helpful. 1.1429 0.04300 91 80 9 2
3367 Some say my services are out of this world. 1.1429 0.04300 91 80 9 2
3368 Don't worry, it's not what you suspect. I'm into D&D cosplay. 1.1429 0.03838 98 85 12 1
3369 Sorry to say, not even all the magic in the world can save your two marriage. 1.1429 0.04103 98 86 10 2
3370 I'm sorry. Your son is just not woke enough for this class. 1.1429 0.04006 91 79 11 1
3371 You see, ever since we added members of the Kindergarten Class to our Board of Trustees, there have been some changes to the Dress Code. In any case, I’m delighted with your daughter’s progress this term in Astronomy class. 1.1429 0.04006 91 79 11 1
3372 You'd be light years ahead if you invested in Interplanetary Futures. 1.1429 0.04835 91 82 5 4
3373 You do know that your child is never going to get into Hogwarts 1.1429 0.04527 84 74 8 2
3374 I equate a solid marriage to the galactic forces that bind our solar system together. Don’t let small, Pluto-sized differences knock you out of orbit. 1.1429 0.03929 105 92 11 2
3375 I can't help you. I'm a grand wizard of the Space Force Klan. 1.1429 0.04006 91 79 11 1
3376 There's no magic spell to repair a marriage, I just like wearing it. 1.1429 0.04527 84 74 8 2
3377 So I thought, hey, I've already got the wardrobe. Why not repurpose it? 1.1429 0.04790 77 68 7 2
3378 Your future is unclear. 1.1429 0.04351 98 87 8 3
3379 Yes, I think I can conjure you up something out of this world. 1.1429 0.04156 105 93 9 3
3380 I want to thank you personally for entrusting your life savings with us at SVB. 1.1429 0.04351 98 87 8 3
3381 We try to instill in our students the knowledge that they can just wave a magic wand and get whatever they want. 1.1429 0.05121 84 76 4 4
3382 I have been preparing IRS returns for many years. Believe me, I can do the absolutely best magic there is for you. 1.1429 0.04575 91 81 7 3
3383 I'm not an actual Wizard, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night. 1.1429 0.04300 91 80 9 2
3384 I see you getting screwed in the very near future.... 1.1429 0.04587 98 88 6 4
3385 I’m not just a wizard, I have my doctorate in financial magic. 1.1429 0.03838 98 85 12 1
3386 As part of your couples counselling,I recommend taking a vacation to Saturn. 1.1429 0.04103 98 86 10 2
3387 We’re not calling Hermione a TERF, but we have some concerns… 1.1429 0.04006 91 79 11 1
3388 As your broker, it was my duty to liquidate your portfolio before Mercury went into retrograde. 1.1429 0.04103 98 86 10 2
3389 If I could predict the future, would I be sitting here talking to you? 1.1429 0.04014 77 66 11 0
3390 It’s a great time to buy, but I can’t predict the market when mercury enters retrograde. 1.1429 0.04103 98 86 10 2
3391 Congratulations, you will be pregnant. 1.1429 0.04351 98 87 8 3
3392 According to our files you need to different color shoes before we fulfill your fantasy. 1.1429 0.03838 98 85 12 1
3393 Remember that magic takes time. 1.1429 0.03838 98 85 12 1
3394 Hi, I'm Norm, your new financial advisor. 1.1429 0.04103 98 86 10 2
3395 Can I interest you in our e-lawn service for your yard? 1.1429 0.04183 119 107 7 5
3396 I’m denying your loan. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to pick up my business whites from the dry cleaner. 1.1429 0.04527 84 74 8 2
3397 So you say your daughter is good with a wand? 1.1416 0.03743 113 99 12 2
3398 I guarantee out-of-this-world returns on your investments. 1.1415 0.03656 106 92 13 1
3399 I suggest you start with the good news. 1.1415 0.03656 106 92 13 1
3400 I'd like to help, but what do you think I am: a magician? 1.1415 0.03894 106 93 11 2
3401 It's Casual Friday--and my white robe is at the cleaners anyway. 1.1415 0.03656 106 92 13 1
3402 A lot of clients like the simplicity of a target retirement galaxy cryo-sleep. 1.1415 0.04118 106 94 9 3
3403 And we’ll win without artificial intelligence. 1.1415 0.03894 106 93 11 2
3404 I'm sorry, I'm not the loan officer but perhaps I can do something else for you? 1.1415 0.03401 106 91 15 0
3405 ‘booking intergalactic travel through an intergalactic travel agent is important because…’ 1.1415 0.03894 106 93 11 2
3406 We’re anticipating that almost no one will submit a caption for this stupid cartoon - could be a record-low participant week! 1.1414 0.04310 99 88 8 3
3407 The problem as I see it is that we are on this planet rather than any other one. 1.1414 0.03520 99 85 14 0
3408 Your daughter is doing great but you two don't seem to be fitting in. 1.1414 0.04064 99 87 10 2
3409 The ad was for "mage" counseling, not marriage counseling. 1.1414 0.03801 99 86 12 1
3410 If men are from Mars and women are from Venus, no wonder it took Earth to bring them together! 1.1414 0.03801 99 86 12 1
3411 Yes, well, thank you for coming in. I'm afraid that your son has taken up in some bad circles..." 1.1414 0.03520 99 85 14 0
3412 We only offer astronomy as a major here. 1.1414 0.03801 99 86 12 1
3413 Do you really think Mars is a good destination for a wedding when Mercury will enter Taurus who is ruled by Venus. . . and then there's the eclipse. 1.1414 0.04310 99 88 8 3
3414 No ma’am you can’t adopt a baby alien, there’s plenty of kids on earth that would like a home. 1.1414 0.03801 99 86 12 1
3415 No,wizards can be accountants but not vice versa. 1.1413 0.04784 92 83 5 4
3416 Our Supreme Package C does indeed predict your date of death, but, believe me – in your case – it's not worth the extra cost. 1.1413 0.03965 92 80 11 1
3417 Nobody knows where Bitcoin is going. 1.1413 0.04256 92 81 9 2
3418 Alright, the spoon few around the kithen, and then what? 1.1413 0.04528 92 82 7 3
3419 It seems your little Wanda has been casting spells again. 1.1413 0.04256 92 81 9 2
3420 And you're refusing to go back into your bottle? 1.1413 0.04256 92 81 9 2
3421 Sorry actually moving to a different planet is not an option but I am a good hypnotist. 1.1413 0.04528 92 82 7 3
3422 I'm afraid the costs would be astronomical. 1.1413 0.04256 92 81 9 2
3423 Wizardry can't help you Clarence. You must resign. 1.1413 0.04256 92 81 9 2
3424 I see erectile dysfunction in your future 1.1413 0.04256 92 81 9 2
3425 I’m sorry, but there’s racism in the whole Universe. 1.1413 0.04528 92 82 7 3
3426 As your financial advisers we make no pretense that we can predict anything. 1.1413 0.04784 92 83 5 4
3427 Sales forecasts aren't looking good. 1.1413 0.04528 92 82 7 3
3428 The era of 2060 "Welcome sir where would you want to buy a retirement home? Saturn, Moon, or a lavish flat at Tesla apartment on Mars? 1.1413 0.04784 92 83 5 4
3429 So you say you've lost the magic in your relationship... 1.1413 0.04528 92 82 7 3
3430 The good news is that Bobby has mastered the disappearing spell... 1.1413 0.04528 92 82 7 3
3431 Well, maam, it doesn't really matter if he's Gemini or not. 1.1413 0.03965 92 80 11 1
3432 Will you be paying for the Air and the B&B together or separately? 1.1412 0.04476 85 75 8 2
3433 My psychiatrist told me that clothes make the man! 1.1412 0.04476 85 75 8 2
3434 Your son's teacher reports he is just not getting with the program. Are you noticing unusual behavior at home. 1.1412 0.04779 85 76 6 3
3435 It's a white world, innit? 1.1412 0.04779 85 76 6 3
3436 I, can assure you, that your faults are defininitly not in the stars. 1.1412 0.04476 85 75 8 2
3437 It’s just that Wizardry for us was never thought of as a degreed program 1.1410 0.04366 78 68 9 1
3438 I can predict that you are in the wrong office, the seer's place is down the hall. 1.1402 0.03624 107 93 13 1
3439 First let me ask, have you worked with a financial advisor before? 1.1402 0.04082 107 95 9 3
3440 What galaxy did you see yourselves living in? 1.1402 0.03860 107 94 11 2
3441 It's all a little hocus pocus to me 1.1402 0.03624 107 93 13 1
3442 Have you ever tried the ol' Hocus Pocus? 1.1402 0.03860 107 94 11 2
3443 Well, because of your political differences, I could turn you into independents. 1.1402 0.03624 107 93 13 1
3444 For a limited time, we have this amazing deal to experience the afterlife in space. -Alicia Chinatomby, Los Angeles, CA 1.1402 0.04082 107 95 9 3
3445 I wish I could help. Frankly, when our smoke detector batteries began to die, we moved. 1.1402 0.03860 107 94 11 2
3446 Are you serious about wanting to attain wizard hood? 1.1402 0.03624 107 93 13 1
3447 Without the proper costume nobody in the astronomy field will take you seriously. 1.1400 0.04025 100 88 10 2
3448 Also, I’ve got a time-share on Planet Zippy. 1.1400 0.04269 100 89 8 3
3449 I don't have a spell, but I do have a magic pill. 1.1400 0.04025 100 88 10 2
3450 N.A.S.A. is next door. 1.1400 0.03487 100 86 14 0
3451 We thank you for choosing Sorcerer Savings and Loan for your business, but unfortunately I will not be able to conjure a lower loan rate” 1.1400 0.04269 100 89 8 3
3452 If I weren't a wizard I might be able to help but I only deal with fantasy, not marriage" 1.1400 0.04269 100 89 8 3
3453 You’ll be time-share pioneers, and we’re fairly confident your internal organs won’t explode. 1.1400 0.03766 100 87 12 1
3454 I still do this part-time for the money,but, mostly, I’m retired. 1.1400 0.04269 100 89 8 3
3455 We're all just bits of the universe experiencing itself- my advice: worry less about taxes, focus more on sherbert exploration. 1.1400 0.04269 100 89 8 3
3456 I’m afraid it’ll take more than waving my magic wand to save your relationship. 1.1400 0.04025 100 88 10 2
3457 I'm actually an astronomer, the costume is to make me listen 1.1400 0.03487 100 86 14 0
3458 I’m sorry Mr. Jones. As a Cancer, your prognosis doesn’t look good. 1.1400 0.04269 100 89 8 3
3459 Our gifted children program is out of this world. 1.1398 0.04735 93 84 5 4
3460 FOMO? Take it from me, that way lies madness! 1.1398 0.04213 93 82 9 2
3461 At first we were starry eyed, but now it’s like we live on different planets. 1.1398 0.04213 93 82 9 2
3462 That really would be an interesting vacation,but intergalactic travel is way beyond our budget. 1.1398 0.04213 93 82 9 2
3463 Yes. Most of our graduates have personal one-on-one contact with successful people....while serving them coffee 1.1398 0.04213 93 82 9 2
3464 Don't worry, astrology is just as effective as andrology concerning fertility issues! 1.1398 0.04735 93 84 5 4
3465 Real estate prices are better on other planets. Do you want to stay close to Earth or are you willing to commute a couple of lightyears? 1.1398 0.04213 93 82 9 2
3466 Well, after all, we are called Abracadabra Couples Counseling 1.1398 0.04213 93 82 9 2
3467 All my other businesses are running smoothly without me, so I decided to get into real estate. 1.1398 0.03925 93 81 11 1
3468 I'm sorry but I can't undo the trick if you've already eaten the Easter eggs I turned your son into. That's impossible! 1.1398 0.04481 93 83 7 3
3469 I’d strongly encourage your son to apply to a state wizarding school. 1.1398 0.04213 93 82 9 2
3470 I try to keep my goals within easy reach. 1.1395 0.04106 86 75 10 1
3471 Some call it couple's therapy, others call it the cosmos. Either way, we're going to figure out what's the matter. 1.1395 0.03758 86 74 12 0
3472 Your son was disciplined for not adhering to the school's dress code; he would not wear a matching coat and hat! 1.1395 0.04726 86 77 6 3
3473 Travel agents provide flights. Now if it's FLIGHT you want, . . . . 1.1395 0.04427 86 76 8 2
3474 Basically, we will digitize your brain and laser beam it to Titan where it will be downloaded into an avatar of your own choice 1.1395 0.04106 86 75 10 1
3475 Sure I’m all-knowing, but it’s still good for you to practice. 1.1395 0.04427 86 76 8 2
3476 I assure you, our company's expansion plans are out of this world. 1.1395 0.04106 86 75 10 1
3477 Our sorcerers aren’t familiar with these deductibles. To get this done by the 15th, we recommend the mystics at TurboTax 1.1395 0.04427 86 76 8 2
3478 Take it from me, men are not from Mars and women are not from Venus 1.1392 0.05010 79 71 5 3
3479 I BELIEVE THE SHARE MARKET IS IN THE ASCEDENCY SO WE CAN PICK MY RECOMMENDED STOCKS FOR YOU TO BUY 1.1392 0.04675 79 70 7 2
3480 There’s no easy way to say this, but your son is being expelled for flying under the influence. 1.1391 0.03682 115 101 12 2
3481 Your child is always distracted,his head is in the stars... 1.1389 0.03593 108 94 13 1
3482 Ma'am to make a further diagnosis I will need to look at Uranus. 1.1389 0.04254 108 97 7 4
3483 Don't worry, astrology is just as effective as andrology for fertility issues! 1.1389 0.03826 108 95 11 2
3484 Unfortunately, your universal life policy expired a two millennias ago. 1.1386 0.03731 101 88 12 1
3485 It’s our annual wear your PJs to work day …. very comfy. 1.1386 0.03988 101 89 10 2
3486 Interstellar travel IS magical, sir. 1.1386 0.04229 101 90 8 3
3487 I assure you, the commute isn’t as bad as you think once you get on the freeway 1.1386 0.03988 101 89 10 2
3488 Unfortunately your moon is homeless. 1.1383 0.03886 94 82 11 1
3489 The secret to success is keeping your feet on the ground 1.1383 0.03886 94 82 11 1
3490 My advice to you may sound otherworldly but I assure you it is flatly down-to-earth. 1.1383 0.04687 94 85 5 4
3491 There’s a three year layover on Venus. 1.1383 0.03886 94 82 11 1
3492 When people finally stop being in denial about the magic of existing, and start talking to wizards. 1.1383 0.04170 94 83 9 2
3493 No worries, here “cosmic” is just an expression! 1.1382 0.03125 123 106 17 0
3494 Well this is nothing a little nightcap can't fix! 1.1379 0.04674 87 78 6 3
3495 Clearly I have out of this world power. But I won't be able to get you that small business loan. 1.1379 0.04379 87 77 8 2
3496 I think your problems relate to the fact that you're a Virgo and he's a Leo." 1.1379 0.03652 116 102 12 2
3497 My outfit is a “little too familiar” how? 1.1379 0.04952 87 79 4 4
3498 I can’t recommend your children for the gifted program, but our apprenticeships are unmatched. 1.1379 0.04674 87 78 6 3
3499 Don’t worry, every couple has dry spells. 1.1379 0.04062 87 76 10 1
3500 Well, to be blunt, the stars all say that you two are assholes. 1.1379 0.04674 87 78 6 3
3501 I'm afraid at this point, your problems are astronomical. 1.1379 0.04062 87 76 10 1
3502 No this isn’t a pyramid scheme! Humans didn’t even make the pyramids, so… 1.1379 0.04379 87 77 8 2
3503 Unfortunately, it doesn't seem like the Institution of Magic will be accepting more applications 1.1376 0.03793 109 96 11 2
3504 I realized with just a few minor changes I could still be the grand wizard 1.1375 0.04620 80 71 7 2
3505 You don't want to child to be a scorpio, don't you? 1.1373 0.03951 102 90 10 2
3506 I may be a wizard, but not at helping you with your tax problem. 1.1373 0.03951 102 90 10 2
3507 I magically transform your arguments into a united dislike of me. 1.1373 0.03951 102 90 10 2
3508 Well, I know you weren’t “expecto patronuming” this, but we are going to “expelliarmus” your son. 1.1370 0.04497 73 64 8 1
3509 So, what this travel agency specializes in off world travel. 1.1368 0.03545 95 82 13 0
3510 Now, would you like your brooms set to Beethoven or Tchaikovsky? 1.1368 0.04129 95 84 9 2
3511 I'm afraid I have some bad news regarding your accounts at Pluto Savings and Trust. 1.1368 0.04391 95 85 7 3
3512 Your daughter is a textbook case of having a star-crossed lover. 1.1368 0.04129 95 84 9 2
3513 Doctor Dumbledorestein: 'One incantation and your son will be trading his action figures for a makeup collection!' 1.1368 0.04129 95 84 9 2
3514 concerning your divorce....the stars say go 1.1368 0.04129 95 84 9 2
3515 I am of course a science based technical finance advisor! 1.1368 0.04129 95 84 9 2
3516 I think your child will find many doors to open here at Sun Ra elementary 1.1368 0.04129 95 84 9 2
3517 I'm really an astronomer, never mind the fancy hat. I read the stars for crazy people part time. 1.1368 0.04391 95 85 7 3
3518 I'm a wizard at finding deals on intergalactic tracel. 1.1368 0.04129 95 84 9 2
3519 as the grand wizard of drumpfism I must advise you to take eveything I say with a semi-trailer full of salt. 1.1368 0.04129 95 84 9 2
3520 Hi I’m Merlin, your financial wizard 1.1368 0.04391 95 85 7 3
3521 It's terminal. 1.1368 0.04639 95 86 5 4
3522 I can assure you that I'm a wizard at fixing marriages. 1.1368 0.03821 117 104 10 3
3523 I've got a beautiful time share for you on the coast of Betelgeuse. 1.1364 0.03976 110 98 9 3
3524 Well your moon is in Taurus, so basically you're screwed. 1.1364 0.04019 88 77 10 1
3525 We do have a number of installment agreements, or you can pay now if you have the magic beans on you. 1.1364 0.04331 88 78 8 2
3526 Our campaign to name the next planet 'Abracadabra' didn't pan out. 1.1364 0.04331 88 78 8 2
3527 I looked at your chart. It’s bad. Cancer. With a Libra rising. 1.1364 0.04019 88 77 10 1
3528 That's a common mistake, astrology is the one with costumes. 1.1364 0.04019 88 77 10 1
3529 Yes, I am a climate forecaster and no, this is not a dunce cap. 1.1364 0.04019 88 77 10 1
3530 So, you would like a copy of next weeks Wallstreet Journal.. 1.1364 0.04623 88 79 6 3
3531 Im not a miracle worker but many I can help. Eleanor Piersig, Langhorne, Pennsylvania. 1.1364 0.04019 88 77 10 1
3532 Please understand, I'm a planet viewer, not an event planner. 1.1364 0.04623 88 79 6 3
3533 For a nominal service charge, you could reach Nirvana tonight… 1.1364 0.03760 110 97 11 2
3534 Honestly, the heavens find your problems quite insignificant. 1.1359 0.03663 103 90 12 1
3535 In order to qualify for immigration status you have to appear at your hearing in a costume like this 1.1359 0.03663 103 90 12 1
3536 I'm no *financial* wizard.... 1.1359 0.03663 103 90 12 1
3537 I’m sorry, but we have no more space left. 1.1359 0.03914 103 91 10 2
3538 "No, nothing in that system. We do have one planet where I think you might feel ... more comfortable." 1.1359 0.03393 103 89 14 0
3539 The truth is always singular! 1.1359 0.03914 103 91 10 2
3540 ...and you'll be able to collect Social Security when you reach the age of Aquarious. 1.1359 0.03663 103 90 12 1
3541 I've been arguing for years to have my job title of Grand Wizard changed to Headmaster. 1.1359 0.03663 103 90 12 1
3542 From my investigations your son should be located approximately near Jupiter. 1.1359 0.03663 103 90 12 1
3543 Will be wild! 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
3544 Enrollment is down so we are trying a new business model. I’m going to need you to stop teaching literature and start teaching the magical arts. 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
3545 Maybe a trip to Aries and Aquarius might spark that adventurous spirit 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
3546 For last time, I'm an astronomer. I can't tell you if you two are compatible based on your star signs. 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
3547 Do I look like I can conjure up money out of thin air? 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
3548 I am the grand wizard of the kkk 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
3549 I'm afraid there's not too much you can do about it. 1.1356 0.03594 118 104 12 2
3550 The answers to your questions about my degree and parking validation are yes and no, but not necessarily in that order. 1.1354 0.04088 96 85 9 2
3551 I’m afraid Voodoo isn’t my thing. 1.1354 0.03810 96 84 11 1
3552 Of course, we can name a planet in honor of your 25th anniversary. Do you have any special galaxy in mind? 1.1354 0.03511 96 83 13 0
3553 What makes you think weathermen can't predict weather? 1.1354 0.03810 96 84 11 1
3554 Sorry, I can’t summon that many different passwords 1.1354 0.04088 96 85 9 2
3555 It appears that your funds have vanished. 1.1354 0.04348 96 86 7 3
3556 Your uncle put me in charge of everything. You get nothing. 1.1354 0.03810 96 84 11 1
3557 Unfortunately, after a-bad-cadabra, Mercury is now in retrograde. 1.1354 0.04088 96 85 9 2
3558 The waning moon is the best time for your 401k. 1.1351 0.03942 111 99 9 3
3559 I think you both just need some space. 1.1351 0.04440 74 65 8 1
3560 Just what kind of time travel were you looking for? 1.1351 0.03728 111 98 11 2
3561 You need to decide between location and privacy. 1.1351 0.03728 111 98 11 2
3562 I'll get you both a coffee, but first What's the magic word ? 1.1351 0.03942 111 99 9 3
3563 Problem is we’re not 100% certain which dimension she chose to actually be delinquent in 1.1351 0.03728 111 98 11 2
3564 ...although infinity might best be exemplified by a sentence that begins with a supposition along the lines of: there is no difference between everything and nothing except in so far as one's mind, unable elude pareidolia thanks to its apophatic... 1.1348 0.04285 89 79 8 2
3565 I'm not clowning around about your future... understand that? 1.1348 0.04285 89 79 8 2
3566 Our legal expertise is out of this world 1.1348 0.04845 89 81 4 4
3567 I dropped my crystal ball. But don’t worry, we can ask ChatGPT. 1.1348 0.04573 89 80 6 3
3568 I'm sorry, I don't know that answer. The small print disclaimer on my website discloses that I'm not perfect. 1.1348 0.04285 89 79 8 2
3569 There is no magic cookie-wand" 1.1348 0.03976 89 78 10 1
3570 "It will cost you a fortune. 1.1348 0.04573 89 80 6 3
3571 Ever since I added the word ‘Doctor’ to my name, business has been out of this world. 1.1348 0.04573 89 80 6 3
3572 This isn’t what we meant by universal pre-K 1.1348 0.04285 89 79 8 2
3573 I’m afraid both of you are utterly pointless. 1.1348 0.04285 89 79 8 2
3574 It's a good time to buy property Mars is selling out fast. 1.1346 0.03630 104 91 12 1
3575 It's been many months, and it may have cost you a small fortune, but you're finally ready for the "Magic Word", Mr. Stephens. And here it is: "Yes, Dear" 1.1346 0.04112 104 93 8 3
3576 I’ve found the key to happiness in a relationship is living backwards. 1.1346 0.03363 104 90 14 0
3577 Rest assured, I'll make lawsuit disappear. 1.1341 0.04165 82 72 9 1
3578 Well, Dorothy, you're not in Kansas any more, but I susggest you quit calling your husband Toto!" 1.1341 0.04165 82 72 9 1
3579 Rest assured, when it comes to investing, I'm a bit of a wizard. 1.1341 0.04512 82 73 7 2
3580 No, I don’t think it’s a conflict of interest. 1.1341 0.03787 82 71 11 0
3581 You are the first earthlings to come in for a loan in over 2000 years 1.1341 0.04165 82 72 9 1
3582 I can set up the off shore accounts on Proxima Centauri b if you like. 1.1341 0.04165 82 72 9 1
3583 My specialty is “magical legalism.” 1.1341 0.04835 82 74 5 3
3584 I read an article saying dress for the job you want, not the job you have. 1.1341 0.04512 82 73 7 2
3585 It’s cancer… 1.1341 0.04165 82 72 9 1
3586 I'm afraid your son doesn't know who. 1.1340 0.03773 97 85 11 1
3587 The sun told me you do not have one anymore. 1.1340 0.04048 97 86 9 2
3588 So, what makes you think you're cut out to be a wizard, wise guy? 1.1340 0.04048 97 86 9 2
3589 I'm concerned you aren't taking space-wizard Wednesday seriously. 1.1340 0.04048 97 86 9 2
3590 I'm afraid you have to pay taxes on Mars as well. 1.1340 0.04048 97 86 9 2
3591 Please, I’m just a magician. I’m not a marriage counselor! 1.1340 0.04048 97 86 9 2
3592 I take it you're looking for a magical vacation? 1.1340 0.04305 97 87 7 3
3593 It could be that this month you have Mercury in Uranus! 1.1340 0.03773 97 85 11 1
3594 Have you both have made final arrangements? 1.1340 0.04305 97 87 7 3
3595 If you both like to become stars, you have addressed the right person. 1.1340 0.04048 97 86 9 2
3596 I might be biased, but one psychedelic trip to the edge of the universe is the only way to salvage this marriage. 1.1340 0.04305 97 87 7 3
3597 We have to actually see the scar on your son’s forehead before we can admit him. 1.1339 0.03473 112 98 13 1
3598 Sir, I am a necromancer. A wizard or magician. For neck romance, I suggest you read a vampire love story 1.1333 0.04240 90 80 8 2
3599 Now your son isn't missing, he just disappeared. 1.1333 0.04525 90 81 6 3
3600 Look, you're on Earth now. You can only have one moon in the Seventh House. 1.1333 0.04777 75 67 6 2
3601 We will launch you into space for $25.39. 1.1333 0.03598 105 92 12 1
3602 Our summer camp uniquely combines two things your kids love--space exploration and fashion design! 1.1333 0.04240 90 80 8 2
3603 Yeah, pretty good thanks. Yourself? 1.1333 0.04240 90 80 8 2
3604 Unfortunately your loan has been denied based on your less than stellar credit, you’re what we in the biz call a ‘black hole investment’. 1.1333 0.04240 90 80 8 2
3605 Let us just say, He’s no Harry Potter! 1.1333 0.04525 90 81 6 3
3606 We thought we ordered the adult sized chairs but didn’t realize it was the Pottery Barn kids catalog 1.1333 0.03935 90 79 10 1
3607 No, Pluto is not for sale. 1.1333 0.04525 90 81 6 3
3608 Gaze, absolutely. Fortell, not so much. 1.1333 0.04240 90 80 8 2
3609 My preferred method of space travel is multiplying broomsticks. 1.1333 0.03935 90 79 10 1
3610 Pay no attention to the pointy hat. It helps with the cosmic airflow. 1.1333 0.04240 90 80 8 2
3611 I must warn you. Predicting the future isn't just a one-size-fits-all situation. 1.1333 0.04240 90 80 8 2
3612 Welcome to SVB Galactic where we safely store all digital currency in an occupy mars settlement. With merely a few waves of my wand your investment has the opportunity to compound interest over lightyears or completely disappear. 1.1333 0.03952 75 65 10 0
3613 There’s no magic in having a successful relationship 1.1333 0.03603 90 78 12 0
3614 You should definitely opt for one of our Mars timeshares. The maintenance fees and taxes for Lake Tahoe are astronomical. 1.1333 0.04075 105 94 8 3
3615 Just call Dorothy Gale if you want a reference. You may already know her. She has a small dog named Toto. 1.1333 0.04075 105 94 8 3
3616 When our accountant told us to “reach for the stars”, we could tell he was serious. 1.1333 0.03333 105 91 14 0
3617 How can I help “You People” 1.1333 0.03935 90 79 10 1
3618 She wants stability but you want drama. 1.1333 0.03935 90 79 10 1
3619 I'm afraid your son will never be a real astronomer; he has an unhealthy obsession with some dwarf planet. 1.1327 0.04263 98 88 7 3
3620 You need to take the first star to the left, and straight on til morning. 1.1327 0.03737 98 86 11 1
3621 Your signs are compatible, and I’d recommend marriage when the moon is in the seventh house 1.1327 0.04009 98 87 9 2
3622 Don't have the sun in the morning and the moon at night, but there are other options. 1.1327 0.04009 98 87 9 2
3623 We strongly recommend you buy two-way tickets, in case you find that the heat and atmosphere on Venus are deadly. 1.1327 0.03737 98 86 11 1
3624 Oh yes- we have plenty of fun in this office. For example, today is Wizard Wednesday! 1.1327 0.04009 98 87 9 2
3625 Hello Mr and Mrs Mercury. Call me Mars. 1.1327 0.03737 98 86 11 1
3626 Well your health insurance won't cover me but I do charge lower rates then your clinic. 1.1327 0.04009 98 87 9 2
3627 When you choose SpacetimeShare, the Milky Way really is the limit. 1.1325 0.04118 83 73 9 1
3628 When you wish upon a star, it does not matter who you are... 1.1325 0.04461 83 74 7 2
3629 We need to discuss your daughter’s tiresome obsession with archaeology. 1.1325 0.04118 83 73 9 1
3630 Are you ready for your space travel? 1.1322 0.03701 121 108 10 3
3631 My grandfather specialized in "over the rainbow," but I've taken the family practice to higher levels! 1.1321 0.03304 106 92 14 0
3632 I'm sorry . I am not licensed to work in bedrooms . 1.1321 0.03809 106 94 10 2
3633 As soon as interest rates come down, the resale value of these properties will go up astronomically. 1.1321 0.03566 106 93 12 1
3634 We’ve reached maximum capacity. 1.1321 0.03566 106 93 12 1
3635 It's not a dunce hat! 1.1321 0.03809 106 94 10 2
3636 But before we make a final decision we will need to know your astrological signs. 1.1321 0.03566 106 93 12 1
3637 My job here is to help you both wiz better. 1.1321 0.03566 106 93 12 1
3638 I'm surprised that you want to know more about our Cosmic Travel Protection Plan - we are simply unable to predict emergency medical costs on other planets! 1.1319 0.04477 91 82 6 3
3639 I specialize in putting the magic back in your relationship. I mean, just look at me. 1.1319 0.03566 91 79 12 0
3640 You might think psychotherapy is more effective than magic—and you’d be right… 1.1319 0.03894 91 80 10 1
3641 Let's see, women are from Venus and men are from Mars. We should keep that in mind as we proceed. 1.1319 0.03894 91 80 10 1
3642 I have a magic spell to bring back the passion in your marriage. 1.1319 0.03566 91 79 12 0
3643 Trust me, visual arousal is key to propelling your relationship plateau to cosmic heights. 1.1319 0.04477 91 82 6 3
3644 Technically, I’m your cardi-astrologist. 1.1319 0.04196 91 81 8 2
3645 We must often seek planetary guidance for the troubles in our earthbound relationships. Before we go further, I must tell you that I book at a rate of $200 per hour and I only accept checks. Make that out to Cosmos...Cosmos Kramer! 1.1319 0.04477 91 82 6 3
3646 Thankyou for coming in today. Uranus has been acting out in class 1.1319 0.03894 91 80 10 1
3647 Staying together is harder these days. 1.1319 0.04477 91 82 6 3
3648 We are Stars. Don’t get me started on Stripes. 1.1319 0.04742 91 83 4 4
3649 I'm sorry, my practice doesn't cover the magic of love. 1.1316 0.03636 114 101 11 2
3650 Yes, this type of hat has negative historical implications; but stars and moons make it okay, right? 1.1313 0.03970 99 88 9 2
3651 What pictures? 1.1313 0.03702 99 87 11 1
3652 Only the Hat will be able to tell if you both belong in the same house. 1.1313 0.03970 99 88 9 2
3653 Social collapse is one of the best retirement plans we have " 1.1313 0.03970 99 88 9 2
3654 I'm sorry. I've lost all of your money investing in NFTs. 1.1310 0.04410 84 75 7 2
3655 Oh, you said "meta verse"! 1.1310 0.03703 84 73 11 0
3656 Mr. and Mrs. Parsons, I'm here to give you car legal services that are out of this world 1.1310 0.03703 84 73 11 0
3657 You'll need the usual passport, but no visa to go to any planet in our galaxy 1.1310 0.04410 84 75 7 2
3658 I see your daughter graduating with a 4.0 and I see you making a tuition deposit of a hundred thousand dollars. 1.1310 0.04072 84 74 9 1
3659 I can't make your marital problems magically disappear. But I'm a wiz at dispensing useless advice. 1.1310 0.04410 84 75 7 2
3660 No, we are not just an ordinary superstition. 1.1310 0.04410 84 75 7 2
3661 I cannot make justice and equality appear. I am a wizard. Not a magician. 1.1310 0.04072 84 74 9 1
3662 Have you all ever considered a romantic vacation to Mars? 1.1308 0.03776 107 95 10 2
3663 Your issues are astronomical, and beyond my power to fix. 1.1308 0.03534 107 94 12 1
3664 Our maps are for locations of 'celestial' stars not 'celebrity' stars. 1.1304 0.03854 92 81 10 1
3665 We at Merlin Financial Take Our Fiduciary Obligations Seriously 1.1304 0.03854 92 81 10 1
3666 I would warn you about the politics on Pluto! 1.1304 0.04431 92 83 6 3
3667 I'm afraid our last magic carpet has already been booked. 1.1304 0.04431 92 83 6 3
3668 Sir, it is always improper for someone to ask which of these units I come from. 1.1304 0.03854 92 81 10 1
3669 Recent economic developments require a whole new approach to managing your portfolio. 1.1304 0.04152 92 82 8 2
3670 Sorry if my Halloween costume offends you. 1.1304 0.04152 92 82 8 2
3671 I think you need to give each other some space. 1.1304 0.03530 92 80 12 0
3672 I'm no Wizard, you guys have to figure out your own problems 1.1304 0.03854 92 81 10 1
3673 Normally a divination costs a little bit extra, but I’m willing to lower the price for you. 1.1300 0.03933 100 89 9 2
3674 Is THIS your interest rate? 1.1300 0.03380 100 87 13 0
3675 Let's start this counseling session with your Zodiac signs. 1.1300 0.04181 100 90 7 3
3676 For complete spiritual contact, payment must be made in advance. 1.1300 0.03380 100 87 13 0
3677 If you're irreverent, illegal, or fatally ill, you've come to the right place. 1.1300 0.04181 100 90 7 3
3678 I lost twenty pounds since I put my head where the ice cream used to go. 1.1300 0.03933 100 89 9 2
3679 Searching for a new investment manager with a fresh perspective? 1.1300 0.03933 100 89 9 2
3680 You did right to shoot for the moon but, alas, you’ve landed among the stars. 1.1300 0.03933 100 89 9 2
3681 Use solar panels, or else choose a new home from the pictures laid at my back or from my stinky suit. #solarsystem #unfunnypic #saveearth 1.1299 0.04659 77 69 6 2
3682 You could say, NASA and I just didn't see universe to universe. 1.1299 0.05012 77 70 4 3
3683 There seems to be a large problem on Uranus 1.1299 0.04659 77 69 6 2
3684 My advice is to invest your entire life savings into asteroid mining. 1.1296 0.03742 108 96 10 2
3685 Good afternoon,I am your newly appointed financial advisor. Our objective is performance that is out of this world. 1.1296 0.03504 108 95 12 1
3686 Hyperpop is the answer. 1.1296 0.03504 108 95 12 1
3687 It's a Mystery 1.1294 0.04671 85 77 5 3
3688 I can't magically change your son's grades 1.1294 0.04361 85 76 7 2
3689 Nothing to see here 1.1294 0.04671 85 77 5 3
3690 If you sign up today for the deluxe Saturn package, we can offer this complimentary hat and robe. 1.1294 0.04361 85 76 7 2
3691 You don't have to on "dress down Friday" 1.1294 0.04671 85 77 5 3
3692 Astrology, of course, is more of an Art than a Science... 1.1294 0.03662 85 74 11 0
3693 All of our properties have vanishing pools. 1.1294 0.04361 85 76 7 2
3694 We were expecting Black magic,Mr. Wiz. 1.1294 0.04361 85 76 7 2
3695 Listen, guys, as you can see by my pointing hat, I work with Planets and stars but I won't work with that "sorrowscopes" stories. 1.1294 0.04671 85 77 5 3
3696 Full disclosure before we begin counseling. I'm a wizard - not a miracle worker. 1.1290 0.04110 93 83 8 2
3697 Will Elon Musk be our guide?" 1.1290 0.04110 93 83 8 2
3698 But you're too close to have Quantum Entanglement, it must be your Mirror Neurons are misfiring. 1.1290 0.04110 93 83 8 2
3699 Your astrology charts are very compatible. But, the divorce rate is over 50%. ( submitted by Katy Byrne at katybyrne@aol.com) 1.1290 0.03815 93 82 10 1
3700 ...the good news is that the condition is 100% treatable when I combine astrology with modern wizard-craft. 1.1290 0.04385 93 84 6 3
3701 My parents didn't want me investing in futures. But they didn't have a crystal ball. 1.1290 0.03815 93 82 10 1
3702 Go home or go gnome. 1.1290 0.03815 93 82 10 1
3703 Unfortunately, Mr Johnson, the stars say steak is not on the menu for dinner tonight 1.1290 0.03815 93 82 10 1
3704 I’m sorry but your application for a loan SHALL NOT PASS! 1.1290 0.04110 93 83 8 2
3705 We have some great mortgage rates for properties on Saturn, Jupiter and the moon. 1.1287 0.03632 101 89 11 1
3706 Wakanda? No. Marvel's got the copyright, and no wizard alive would mess with them. 1.1287 0.04142 101 91 7 3
3707 You want me to help with your marriage and your stocks? 1.1287 0.03632 101 89 11 1
3708 We do offer an exclusive Magical Mystery Tour 1.1287 0.03632 101 89 11 1
3709 Astro-fertilization is out of this world! 1.1287 0.03349 101 88 13 0
3710 Our funds offer a balanced portfolio of planets, asteroids, and developing solar systems. 1.1287 0.03632 101 89 11 1
3711 As your astrological consultant, I recommend that you not make any major purchases until after Mercury goes retrograde. 1.1284 0.03219 109 95 14 0
3712 And, yes, you still owe me 38 bucks! 1.1284 0.03473 109 96 12 1
3713 There's nothing magical about restrictive covenants. 1.1282 0.04602 78 70 6 2
3714 It really is a bunch of nonsense. 1.1282 0.04224 78 69 8 1
3715 Yes, I did make my point. 1.1282 0.04224 78 69 8 1
3716 I can’t change your moon phases to match, but I can tell you all the ways them not matching will cause problems in your marriage 1.1282 0.04602 78 70 6 2
3717 Yes, we can do equal opportunity spells. 1.1282 0.04602 78 70 6 2
3718 I worry your son isn't taking our school motto of 'shoot for the stars' literally 1.1282 0.04224 78 69 8 1
3719 As your astrologer and as your attorney and with the legal substantiation that you are in fact the sole owners,evicting the moon from your seventh house is going to be a colossal,time sucking pain in the ass. 1.1279 0.04312 86 77 7 2
3720 Recall when I used a calculator to do your tax return? That was so pre-post-truth. 1.1277 0.03777 94 83 10 1
3721 -You came to wrong weddingmoon agent. 1.1277 0.03777 94 83 10 1
3722 Your right I'm on the wrong planet 1.1277 0.03460 94 82 12 0
3723 Our Venus suites will make you feel as if you’re on a different planet. 1.1277 0.04068 94 84 8 2
3724 I can't help you if you won't admit men are from Mars. 1.1277 0.04068 94 84 8 2
3725 As a marriage counselor, I'm not surprised by your signs. 1.1277 0.04068 94 84 8 2
3726 Yes I am Neil DeGrasse Tyson and I am a black extra terrestrial." 1.1277 0.03777 94 83 10 1
3727 This isn't the tradition way to get a prognosis, but I guess everyone is losing faith in healthcare... 1.1277 0.04340 94 85 6 3
3728 Mercury can't help you, but a budget planner might. 1.1275 0.03599 102 90 11 1
3729 So... Science couldn't fix your marriage. 1.1275 0.03859 102 91 9 2
3730 Ok, for 50 bucks I'll wave my magic wand. 1.1275 0.03599 102 90 11 1
3731 Well, I'm no wizard but... 1.1275 0.03859 102 91 9 2
3732 Unfortunately, I will have to refer you to Human Resources for your failure to meet our workplace standards of dress. 1.1275 0.03599 102 90 11 1
3733 Luckily for you, the signs point to an acceptance at Brown.... 1.1275 0.03318 102 89 13 0
3734 None of your ideas are helping. You're both on another planet. 1.1275 0.04103 102 92 7 3
3735 The school understands the backlash on the whole wizard thing but I missed wearing the hat. 1.1275 0.03859 102 91 9 2
3736 Because outer space law is cutting edge and new this outfit may look silly now. But one day this hat and cloak will be to space lawyers what the powdered wig is to the British Barristers. 1.1275 0.03599 102 90 11 1
3737 I'd love to help, but I'm not that kind of "wand expert". 1.1273 0.03444 110 97 12 1
3738 So I understand that this is the first time you have looked into buying life insurance. 1.1266 0.04546 79 71 6 2
3739 Sorry, I specialize in marriage counseling specifically for star-crossed lovers. 1.1266 0.03765 79 69 10 0
3740 Unless one of you changes your sign, I don't think your marriage will work. 1.1264 0.04265 87 78 7 2
3741 I promise to bring the magic back into your relationship, so you are starry-eyed together again. 1.1264 0.03584 87 76 11 0
3742 What if, instead of a 'Black Hole,' we called it a 'They Hole'?" 1.1264 0.04265 87 78 7 2
3743 Yes, Harry Potter was my grandfather. Now, who are you reporting is the new Voldemort? 1.1264 0.04568 87 79 5 3
3744 This offer is good only at participating planets. Terms and conditions may apply. 1.1264 0.04568 87 79 5 3
3745 We need a telescope to see Uranus.” #newyorkercartoon 1.1264 0.04568 87 79 5 3
3746 Ok, now I know you’ve just added the clear coat and interior package but let’s talk about that one thing not covered in the extended warranty…asteroid collisions. 1.1264 0.03939 87 77 9 1
3747 Personally, I subscribe to the Harry Potter school of divination. 1.1263 0.04296 95 86 6 3
3748 No, I’m actually a tech wiz. You’ve got the wrong department. Let me transport to the right place. 1.1263 0.03739 95 84 10 1
3749 Thanks for coming to the National All White office. Yes, we have another planet for you. 1.1263 0.04027 95 85 8 2
3750 You’ll want comprehensive coverage out there. 1.1263 0.04027 95 85 8 2
3751 I'm afraid I might not be the best couples counselor. 1.1263 0.03426 95 83 12 0
3752 I am so sorry to tell you but your baby will be born under a bad sign. 1.1263 0.04296 95 86 6 3
3753 I can beam you up right now, but you’ll have to pay full fare. 1.1263 0.03739 95 84 10 1
3754 My apprentiship was the usual, Leopold Stokoski, over and over. 1.1263 0.04296 95 86 6 3
3755 Hey, whatever keeps the donors happy. 1.1263 0.03739 95 84 10 1
3756 I'm from a galaxy far, far away so I really can't help you. 1.1263 0.04027 95 85 8 2
3757 We are only considering stellar applicants at this time. 1.1263 0.03739 95 84 10 1
3758 Just because she calls you a fool and you refer to her as a dog, doesn't mean you fit the description for the #TarotDeck initiation." ; 1.1263 0.03739 95 84 10 1
3759 Well, what with crypto, NFTs, AI trends..we sensed a need for expansion in our analytics 1.1262 0.03288 103 90 13 0
3760 Yes,we encourage transformations,but He was born with male genitals. 1.1262 0.03824 103 92 9 2
3761 And what do you mean by that phrase, "need some space"? 1.1262 0.03566 103 91 11 1
3762 My official title is senior professor in the department of American literature studies. But I like to be known as the 'king of swing'. 1.1262 0.03824 103 92 9 2
3763 I suggest you look elsewhere for your space flight. Despite my appearance, clothes don't guarantee success! 1.1262 0.03566 103 91 11 1
3764 That's a good question. My guess would be Mars for the first "Grab n' Go Taco" franchise. 1.1262 0.04065 103 93 7 3
3765 It's in the stars to purchase our Deluxe Lunar Timeshare. 1.1262 0.03566 103 91 11 1
3766 So what makes you think you need a wizard to save your marriage? 1.1261 0.03414 111 98 12 1
3767 Of course I can help you if the magic has gone out of your marriage. I’m a certified Wizard with a Marriage Magic endorsement. 1.1261 0.03689 119 107 9 3
3768 We last saw him when he took a drink up to Major Tom. 1.1250 0.04124 80 71 8 1
3769 My medical license was revoked 3 years ago, however... 1.1250 0.03702 96 85 10 1
3770 Yes, I am a grand wizard, but not THAT Grand Wizard. 1.1250 0.04219 88 79 7 2
3771 I took a look at your retirement account and poof all the money was gone. 1.1250 0.04219 88 79 7 2
3772 Each of you will get a separate broomstick. 1.1250 0.03259 104 91 13 0
3773 Yes,about your future,well…it’s not looking that bright. 1.1250 0.03534 104 92 11 1
3774 OK, so, both your systems look good for now - but as something to look out for, they'll collide with each other in about 4.5 billion years. 1.1250 0.03789 104 93 9 2
3775 Lrt me work my magic 1.1250 0.04219 88 79 7 2
3776 Yes, I am the Great Capricorn! 1.1250 0.04253 96 87 6 3
3777 I certainly can help you get to the moon. I just need a certified check. I know there are seats available. Just let me call. Richard Branson. 1.1250 0.04219 88 79 7 2
3778 Silicon Valley Bank Stocks 1.1250 0.03987 96 86 8 2
3779 So, our interstellar vacation package comes with a number of amenities 1.1250 0.04124 80 71 8 1
3780 Not only are the rents more affordable, but the commute is definitely improving 1.1250 0.03789 104 93 9 2
3781 I hate to break it to you, but the admission fee for the school is astronomical. 1.1250 0.03546 88 77 11 0
3782 No, I’m not the Wizard of Oz! 1.1250 0.03987 96 86 8 2
3783 ... and you do understand that your diploma from our school will only be valid with the hocus pocus crowd. 1.1250 0.04253 96 87 6 3
3784 Yes, Pluto is only a Disney character now, but that could change at any moment during running for the next election. 1.1250 0.03534 104 92 11 1
3785 I'll take a quantum leap and guess that you're interested in a time share. 1.1250 0.04124 80 71 8 1
3786 Mary’s Violet Eyes Make John Sit Up Nights 1.1250 0.04492 80 72 6 2
3787 Regardless of whose fault it is, it seems to lie in your stars. 1.1250 0.03721 80 70 10 0
3788 Is this your idea of planning a romantic vacation? 1.1250 0.03546 88 77 11 0
3789 You'd think it wouldn't amount to a hill of beans.... 1.1250 0.04820 72 65 5 2
3790 Dressing up as my favorite magician/ probably not a great idea. 1.1250 0.03897 88 78 9 1
3791 When even magic needs a little explaining." 1.1250 0.03987 96 86 8 2
3792 I'm afraid I can't just "poof" away the communication problems in your marriage, Mr. Edwards. 1.1250 0.04124 80 71 8 1
3793 Magic is all smoke & mirrors, Mr. Bragg. I don’t see any reason it can’t be applied to prosecuting your political enemy. 1.1250 0.03534 104 92 11 1
3794 I go by the grant "sorcerer" now, following a couple mixups. 1.1239 0.03113 113 99 14 0
3795 We use the tuition to help students find joy. Any information they need they need can be googled. 1.1238 0.03754 105 94 9 2
3796 I'm not very good at putting Magic back in relationships. 1.1238 0.03754 105 94 9 2
3797 I’m short . . . we’re doomed. 1.1238 0.03991 105 95 7 3
3798 Sad to say, Earth is the least racial planet. 1.1237 0.03948 97 87 8 2
3799 Fortunately for you Mr and Mrs Obama, our branch of the Klan only discriminates on the basis of intelligence and not race. 1.1237 0.03948 97 87 8 2
3800 The good news is, no matter how loans it takes to find her, she will not have aged much at all. 1.1237 0.03666 97 86 10 1
3801 On Vega interest rates and inflation are extremely low. The climate is stable too. 1.1237 0.03948 97 87 8 2
3802 How strange! You grew a mustache! 1.1237 0.04211 97 88 6 3
3803 Bob and Joan had forgotten it was Astronomy Day at couples therapy. 1.1237 0.03360 97 85 12 0
3804 Next Monday at 9:06am is the perfect time, based on my charts, to open that new bank account which will make you rich.. 1.1237 0.03666 97 86 10 1
3805 Tell me, have you computed your taxes with a wizard before? 1.1237 0.03948 97 87 8 2
3806 I am an astrologist, a financial advisor, and a fiduciary. 1.1236 0.04173 89 80 7 2
3807 I'm sorry you find it offensive. What do you suggest I call my type of magic? 1.1236 0.04173 89 80 7 2
3808 If i were a financial wizard, would I look like this? 1.1236 0.03508 89 78 11 0
3809 'Space: the Final Frontier' is no longer an option. Neither is 'Live Long and Prosper.' 1.1236 0.03855 89 79 9 1
3810 Before we can let you onto the space station, we're going to have to talk about that bridgework. 1.1236 0.04173 89 80 7 2
3811 So you thought you won a trip to the Jersey Shore??? 1.1236 0.03855 89 79 9 1
3812 Myrtle Beach for ten days? I'm afraid we don't cover the Carolinas. 1.1236 0.04173 89 80 7 2
3813 The Tin Man and Witch of the North have agreed to sponsor you, but we're still waiting to hear from the Cowardly Lion. 1.1236 0.04173 89 80 7 2
3814 See, you’re from Mars and she’s from Venus. 1.1236 0.03855 89 79 9 1
3815 No, I am sorry, it's final. You both need to stay in Slytherin 1.1235 0.03678 81 71 10 0
3816 There is an uptick of interest given what could be in the stars for 2024. Mary Joan Kirkegard, Mahwah, NJ 1.1235 0.04773 81 74 4 3
3817 I’m a big star! 1.1235 0.04438 81 73 6 2
3818 I'm afraid she's right. Boys do go to Jupiter to get more stupider. 1.1235 0.04438 81 73 6 2
3819 Astroglide. Yes, I promise. 1.1235 0.04438 81 73 6 2
3820 Whole life insurance is out of this world! 1.1226 0.03720 106 95 9 2
3821 You heard me right: along with Tesla's extended warranty, we'll keep it charged until you return. 1.1226 0.03720 106 95 9 2
3822 I have seats available. 1.1226 0.03471 106 94 11 1
3823 I'm no magician but if I were you I'd invest in 30 year bonds with the rest going into short term high growth funds. 1.1226 0.03471 106 94 11 1
3824 Oh please understand, I can't undo the trick if you've already eaten the Easter eggs that I had turned your son into. 1.1226 0.03471 106 94 11 1
3825 Sure, I could display my credentials, but wouldn't you rather be distracted by our corporate sponsor tie-ins? 1.1224 0.03328 98 86 12 0
3826 No, the Stars and Moon Academy is a progressive school. Dunce is not in our vocabulary. 1.1224 0.04170 98 89 6 3
3827 With used car prices "outta this world", I figured what the heck! 1.1224 0.03910 98 88 8 2
3828 Let me guess. You two are not in the age of Aquarius? 1.1224 0.03631 98 87 10 1
3829 While we’re delighted that your child would like to attend our academy it’s essential they understand there’s more to wizardry than what you see in Harry Potter movies.. 1.1224 0.03910 98 88 8 2
3830 DO YOU WANT TO GO TO THE MOON, OR TO MARS? 1.1224 0.03910 98 88 8 2
3831 I'm sorry to have to tell you that Jupiter no longer allows interplanetary adoptions. 1.1224 0.03631 98 87 10 1
3832 Well, Dr. Katz, when you mentioned that role playing might spice up our marriage, this isn’t quite what we had in mind. 1.1224 0.03631 98 87 10 1
3833 ur. unus. 1.1224 0.03631 98 87 10 1
3834 Shall we agree...women are not from Venus, men are not from Mars. The Universe has spoken! 1.1222 0.04129 90 81 7 2
3835 If you agree to relocate to Trump Universe on planet XG372, you will live in a beautiful house and all your needs will be met. You only need to help harvest the cotton crop 1.1222 0.04421 90 82 5 3
3836 I'm sorry, we have several rabbits and I have no record of which was used in any particular performance. 1.1222 0.04421 90 82 5 3
3837 Since Mars' orbit has been redlined, all the good asteroids have been gobbled up. How about an affordable moon of Saturn?" 1.1222 0.03815 90 80 9 1
3838 I know what I’m talking about - my credentials are clearly displayed on the wall behind me. 1.1222 0.03815 90 80 9 1
3839 so you're saying we should really believe there is a moon and stars. 1.1222 0.04129 90 81 7 2
3840 Well, have you considered Mars? 1.1222 0.03815 90 80 9 1
3841 We have packages ranging from one week on the Moon to four years to Mars and back. 1.1222 0.03815 90 80 9 1
3842 You are not familiar with cosplay therapy? 1.1222 0.03815 90 80 9 1
3843 I'm going to shove this hat up your ass! 1.1222 0.04695 90 83 3 4
3844 Investing diversification in money and life is key. Take me for example. 1.1220 0.04717 82 75 4 3
3845 Your relationship needs a magician. 1.1216 0.03825 74 65 9 0
3846 So what appears to be the problem? 1.1216 0.04282 74 66 7 1
3847 Changing lead into gold would be easier 1.1215 0.03440 107 95 11 1
3848 Space is the place to deal with uptight relationships. 1.1215 0.03440 107 95 11 1
3849 The problem with your relationship is that Mercury is in retrograde. 1.1215 0.03687 107 96 9 2
3850 I’m sorry to have to tell you, Johnny is very down-to-earth in class. 1.1212 0.03872 99 89 8 2
3851 Merlin was my great, great uncle, on my mother's side! 1.1212 0.03872 99 89 8 2
3852 Mr and Mrs Lucas, thank you for coming to see me about George. 1.1212 0.03872 99 89 8 2
3853 What makes you say my financial advice is off the charts? 1.1212 0.03872 99 89 8 2
3854 Okay, but before you can trip the light fantastic you must take out the trash and walk the dog. 1.1212 0.04372 99 91 4 4
3855 Love is magic so I can't tell you its secret. 1.1212 0.03872 99 89 8 2
3856 Sorry Mr. Jones but no amount of magic will help you get it up! 1.1212 0.03872 99 89 8 2
3857 There’s also a magical side door for acceptance 1.1212 0.03872 99 89 8 2
3858 I'm, Mr and Mrs Flanders, we do offer sorcery art studies, but Professor Potter is no longer on staff. 1.1209 0.03436 91 80 11 0
3859 Hmmm, after reviewing your story, I'm not sure astrology would be helpful in a home burglary case. 1.1209 0.04374 91 83 5 3
3860 If the planets align, I can help you put the magic back into your marriage. 1.1209 0.03436 91 80 11 0
3861 we have nothing in common with those three letters 1.1209 0.03775 91 81 9 1
3862 Based on my observation that sir crossed his leg away from madame, I predict and early divorce. 1.1209 0.03775 91 81 9 1
3863 Look, do you want your taxes done or not? 1.1209 0.04645 91 84 3 4
3864 Well,there are no guarantees about the male enhancement results,but we're pretty sure your donation will up your chances of landing a substantial inheritance from distant Nigerian relatives. 1.1209 0.03436 91 80 11 0
3865 Listen! If you think you have economic problems now, wait and see what is awaiting you in the future. So, go and tell your family that Christmas has been canceled and from now on you are a charity dependent institution. 1.1209 0.04086 91 82 7 2
3866 Do I hear you saying you want to reignite passion in your marriage with sex that's out of this world? 1.1209 0.04086 91 82 7 2
3867 Our speciality is long distance travel. Interested? 1.1209 0.04086 91 82 7 2
3868 The tuition may be astronomical, but our dorms and food service are out of this world. 1.1209 0.04086 91 82 7 2
3869 " Your Horoscopes don't favor a trip to China." 1.1205 0.04336 83 75 6 2
3870 What we are really looking for is someone with a religious background mixed with some racial prejudice. 1.1205 0.04662 83 76 4 3
3871 After two decades of messed up communication, regular marriage counseling is not enough! 1.1205 0.04336 83 75 6 2
3872 First, let’s get this straight. They are not your stars. 1.1205 0.04336 83 75 6 2
3873 We used to think men were from Mars and women were from Venus, but turns it we had it backwards. 1.1205 0.03983 83 74 8 1
3874 I am the Grand Wizard of the Universe. 1.1205 0.04336 83 75 6 2
3875 I understand you thanked them...but now it's time for the next step. 1.1205 0.03595 83 73 10 0
3876 Mr Green, it‘s the 21st century, an independent successfull woman is NOT a witch 1.1205 0.04662 83 76 4 3
3877 Would you have found it more believable if I had Merlin’s beard? 1.1205 0.03983 83 74 8 1
3878 I'm telling you, I'm on your side with the whole Pluto fiasco but my hands are tied. 1.1204 0.03655 108 97 9 2
3879 Well,it is common for Virgos to suffer from ulcers. I recommend some Tums and a hot bath. 1.1200 0.03835 100 90 8 2
3880 Yes, I was the boy who lived, but now I just do tax preparation. 1.1200 0.05008 75 69 3 3
3881 To understand each other’s point of view, I suggest that she vacation on Mars and he on Venus, before returning to Earth. 1.1200 0.03562 100 89 10 1
3882 You prefer the moon/June rhyme too? That's good. 1.1200 0.04634 75 68 5 2
3883 You seem to be stuck in the Mudroom of your Fifth House. 1.1200 0.03835 100 90 8 2
3884 Do you think that a cosmic separation might enable you both to get on with your journeys? 1.1200 0.04634 75 68 5 2
3885 Red Planet Lining 1.1200 0.04090 100 91 6 3
3886 Don't worry, your investment in Virgin Galactic is secure. The laws of Bankruptcy don't apply in space. 1.1200 0.03835 100 90 8 2
3887 It’ll be better than the stock market- it’s real magic! 1.1197 0.03013 117 103 14 0
3888 I am going to have to make you both blind and deaf because you can’t know about me. Lol. Yes I just said lol in real life. Get over it haters. This is why we are such a hated race. People hate wizards. I am going to rob you when you are blind. 1.1196 0.04043 92 83 7 2
3889 And it what universe do you think your Marxist agenda will actually work? 1.1196 0.04328 92 84 5 3
3890 As your accountant, a quick perusal of your tax liabilities, and poof - they’ve gone. 1.1196 0.04043 92 83 7 2
3891 Oh yes, couple-ship is a great mystery even for the grand wizzard and his wife. 1.1196 0.04043 92 83 7 2
3892 Your marriage, alas, was not written among the stars. 1.1196 0.04043 92 83 7 2
3893 All is not as it appears. 1.1196 0.03736 92 82 9 1
3894 It's foreseeable 1.1196 0.04043 92 83 7 2
3895 Our fast fashion moves at light speed. 1.1196 0.04043 92 83 7 2
3896 Why would you possibly think that space is a hoax? 1.1196 0.04043 92 83 7 2
3897 I don't mean to brag, but some of my clients have said I'm a financial wizard. 1.1196 0.04328 92 84 5 3
3898 we need to discuss your child's most recent Magic Murder 101™ homework assignment. 1.1193 0.03380 109 97 11 1
3899 He’s suspend until he learns how to sit quietly and stop giggling. 1.1190 0.04286 84 76 6 2
3900 I’m actually a smart phone alpha 1.1190 0.03938 84 75 8 1
3901 Winter is Coming 1.1190 0.03938 84 75 8 1
3902 First, let me make this perfectly clear, its Mr Wizard and not, Mr Cone Head. Now that's understood, who would you like , turned into a FROG...? 1.1190 0.04609 84 77 4 3
3903 Your relationship is in a desperate need of a magical miracle. 1.1190 0.04609 84 77 4 3
3904 In my expert opinion, you’re neither from Venus nor Mars. It’s just your zodiac signs are incompatible. 1.1190 0.04286 84 76 6 2
3905 Alternative Dispute Resolution to save your marriage? Sorry we offer trips to the alternate universe. 1.1188 0.03799 101 91 8 2
3906 Their party is definitely more crazy than ours. Why do you ask? 1.1188 0.03799 101 91 8 2
3907 Based on your financial records ... 1.1188 0.03799 101 91 8 2
3908 As far from Tennessee as possible? Including free speech? Hmmm. Randolph Phillip Dale Hayward, WI 1.1188 0.03236 101 89 12 0
3909 I realize you're bogged down with tax issues. lets reach out for some other options 1.1188 0.03528 101 90 10 1
3910 Spock: The Early Years- “Your son’s been teasing schoolmates with his ‘Vulcan Death Grip’ !” 1.1188 0.03528 101 90 10 1
3911 Buy one! 1.1184 0.04175 76 68 7 1
3912 Thank you for coming. I was skeptical about hiring a marketing consultant, but you come highly recommended. Anyway, I'm the Grand Wizard here at Black Magic Travel. 1.1184 0.03731 76 67 9 0
3913 And rest assured I did train with Merlin. 1.1184 0.04175 76 68 7 1
3914 I'm starry to inform you that you are in an astronomical amount of debt and will need to file for bankruptcy. I understand if you need time and space to process this. 1.1184 0.04944 76 70 3 3
3915 . " so yah, you guys can lead the EDI dept here. It's written in the stars". 1.1184 0.04175 76 68 7 1
3916 My thoughts are closer to earth 1.1183 0.03698 93 83 9 1
3917 No this is not the auditions for Black KKKlansman. 1.1183 0.03698 93 83 9 1
3918 This costume is rented. 1.1183 0.04001 93 84 7 2
3919 You're not from around here. are you? 1.1183 0.03698 93 83 9 1
3920 I understand why your friend would suggest Paris for your honeymoon. But trust me, Uranus is far nicer this time of year. 1.1183 0.03698 93 83 9 1
3921 Yes, my friends, Astrology IS a Science. 1.1183 0.04001 93 84 7 2
3922 Your relationship is in a retrograde: going backwards from an outside perspective. Let me refer you to a relativity specialist. 1.1183 0.04001 93 84 7 2
3923 Oh wait, I AM a magician. 1.1183 0.03698 93 83 9 1
3924 So what are we thinking for this year? Maybe a stunning trip through the asteroid belt to Jupiter? 1.1183 0.03698 93 83 9 1
3925 Unfortunately, today's crystal balls do not work well on darker-skinned people as they are underrepresented in the training data. 1.1183 0.04548 93 86 3 4
3926 Look, I used up all of the tricks up my sleeve, your marriage seems to be a cosmic error 1.1183 0.04001 93 84 7 2
3927 Yes, we do this all the time. 1.1183 0.03698 93 83 9 1
3928 Cooking classes? I do astronomy not gastronomy! 1.1182 0.03591 110 99 9 2
3929 'Oh no, that curtain and balloon thing was just movie nonsense. However, if you want a home in the suburbs you'll still have to bring me something exotic. The going rate is the orange toupee from No. 45.' 1.1182 0.03591 110 99 9 2
3930 Well, we tried IVF, but no result. I’m suggesting a difference approach . . . 1.1176 0.03496 102 91 10 1
3931 I really do need that broom. 1.1176 0.03496 102 91 10 1
3932 The other Compliance Officers call me Grumbledore. 1.1176 0.04238 85 77 6 2
3933 So how serious are younabout a loan? 1.1176 0.03206 102 90 12 0
3934 I've checked with Elon Musk, there are no seats open on the next rocket to Mars. 1.1176 0.03893 85 76 8 1
3935 Yes, I think I could turn your son into a Magic Johnson superstar." 1.1176 0.03515 85 75 10 0
3936 I do not think solving your marital issues is in the stars. 1.1176 0.03893 85 76 8 1
3937 Here's the best way to save your marriage, lighten up! 1.1176 0.03763 102 92 8 2
3938 We arrange a happy star no matter the customer's race and gender. For our records, just your area code, please. 1.1176 0.03893 85 76 8 1
3939 No, no, it’s my estranged cousin you want, the so-called “grand” wizard. We call him the “black” sheep of the family, which never ceases to annoy him. 1.1176 0.04238 85 77 6 2
3940 Alchemy of moon & stars is free. Any exoplanets are charged al la carte. 1.1176 0.03206 102 90 12 0
3941 Despite appearances, there’s really no magic to the application process. 1.1176 0.03893 85 76 8 1
3942 I can give you some Nebula's advice. 1.1176 0.03763 102 92 8 2
3943 Are the pictures portals to the galaxy? Why, no! Why would you think that? 1.1176 0.04238 85 77 6 2
3944 I'm not sure why everyone says admissions prices are out of this world. 1.1176 0.03893 85 76 8 1
3945 I'm so sorry but your planets have collided and ceated a mess that I can't help you clean up. 1.1176 0.03893 85 76 8 1
3946 No, we do not board or kennel warthogs. 1.1176 0.03893 85 76 8 1
3947 Unfortunately, I must end your son's apprenticeship because the spirits he has summoned are harming my business. 1.1176 0.03496 102 91 10 1
3948 And, our properties are generally cheaper than the Metaverse. 1.1170 0.03961 94 85 7 2
3949 So you want me to magically make your mortgage reduced to 0 % over 5 years, is that what I'm hearing? 1.1169 0.04123 77 69 7 1
3950 The AI that will manage your crypto-currency investments is totally science-based. 1.1165 0.03463 103 92 10 1
3951 We thought our son said his principal was a weasel not a wizard ! 1.1165 0.03463 103 92 10 1
3952 I can do many things, but Scarsdale? That's a lot to ask. 1.1165 0.03463 103 92 10 1
3953 Let me guess… you wishes upon a star 1.1165 0.03728 103 93 8 2
3954 Look, we’ve got to increase our wizard market share, or it’s Chapter 11 for us. 1.1163 0.03477 86 76 10 0
3955 What if we send you back to Mars instead? 1.1163 0.03850 86 77 8 1
3956 We have great insight and vision, your money will be safe with us! 1.1163 0.03850 86 77 8 1
3957 Welcome to the economy tour of Universal Pictures 1.1163 0.04191 86 78 6 2
3958 Some people think it’s a lot of hooey, but they haven’t tried it. 1.1163 0.03477 86 76 10 0
3959 I don't think my trip to space changed me. 1.1163 0.04191 86 78 6 2
3960 I know, I know but we just use his name for marketing….Oz is now somewhere over the rainbow 1.1163 0.03850 86 77 8 1
3961 We’re sold out of the Neptune units but we have some availability in Uranus 1.1158 0.04197 95 87 5 3
3962 Sorry! Loan application denied. I’m a magician, NOT a miracle worker 1.1158 0.04197 95 87 5 3
3963 Yep, Mercury is ascendant and Jim Crow is coming back. 1.1158 0.03300 95 84 11 0
3964 Yer a Wizard, Barry 1.1158 0.03921 95 86 7 2
3965 Forget the stars. Any Muskfree planetoid wll do." 1.1157 0.02920 121 107 14 0
3966 The dust which was once your grandmother has now been evenly distributed throughout the wide vacant space of the universe. That will be $24.99, not including tax or tip. 1.1154 0.04463 78 71 5 2
3967 Like I said, why pay for long term care insurance when you pay in to retire in outer space. We have a number of different plans, depending on the solar system . 1.1154 0.03938 104 95 6 3
3968 No. Couple therapy is not a joke, but something to do with heart of universe itself.. 1.1154 0.04821 78 72 3 3
3969 I'm really an astronomer, but HR got the spelling wrong. 1.1154 0.03432 104 93 10 1
3970 So, you married expecting the sun, the moon and the stars, but it didn't turn out? 1.1149 0.03808 87 78 8 1
3971 I'm sorry...I'm afraid your scientific background are incompatible with this University academic foundations... 1.1149 0.04144 87 79 6 2
3972 The real estate market is tough I can't make magic happen 1.1149 0.03808 87 78 8 1
3973 Unfortunately it's not in the stars that your son will get into Harvard. 1.1149 0.03808 87 78 8 1
3974 I’m hoping the rebrand will broaden our appeal 1.1146 0.03588 96 86 9 1
3975 Congratulations! By seeking the dark arts you are on the first steps to enlightenment. 1.1146 0.03881 96 87 7 2
3976 Hotels on all of our 8 planets in the solar system are currently accepting job applications. 1.1146 0.03588 96 86 9 1
3977 You said the magic has gone out of your marriage? 1.1146 0.03268 96 85 11 0
3978 I’m actually not a wizard at this, but it must appear that way. 1.1146 0.03268 96 85 11 0
3979 Plus, at Quantum Bank, there are no ATM fees at any of our parallel universe branches” 1.1146 0.04154 96 88 5 3
3980 It is a statement and it's your tuition, but maybe rethink your daughter's ambition to be a fashion designer. 1.1146 0.03881 96 87 7 2
3981 I work in an Astronomy Department and I can tell you one thing for sure: Mercury is in retrograde. 1.1146 0.03881 96 87 7 2
3982 Oh, your trip will be executed with the newest and best Black Hole AI technology...nothing whatsoever to be concerned about! 1.1146 0.03881 96 87 7 2
3983 I can only foretell the future -- not figure out politics. I don't know if Trump will be convicted. 1.1146 0.03881 96 87 7 2
3984 Actually I do have a crystal ball. 1.1146 0.04154 96 88 5 3
3985 'I recommend she try the magic wand' 1.1146 0.03588 96 86 9 1
3986 You give me your money I say Abradaba You go home and wait and pray. 1.1143 0.03660 105 95 8 2
3987 Sorry but Scorpios and Libras just don't get along! 1.1143 0.04337 70 63 6 1
3988 Im sorry, Mr. and Mrs. James, our moon phases just don't align 1.1140 0.03471 114 103 9 2
3989 Let's do an itinerary that's out of this world 1.1139 0.04023 79 71 7 1
3990 The PTA suggested the school needed more space. 1.1139 0.04762 79 73 3 3
3991 OK , he didn't show up on Jupiter, let's try Mars. 1.1136 0.03767 88 79 8 1
3992 So you want a refund because the magic went out of your marriage before the advertised expiration date? 1.1136 0.04099 88 80 6 2
3993 So did you want to buy the Couples Astral Projection Vacation Package or the Weekend Retreat at our Mothership Landing Site? Both are budget friendly and great for those not ready for the full Alien Abduction experience. 1.1136 0.04406 88 81 4 3
3994 I know I'm your last resort; for most of the people I deal with, I'm the first. 1.1136 0.03767 88 79 8 1
3995 There's a pool a tennis court and a three-car garage in a quiet neighborhood. 1.1134 0.04366 97 90 3 4
3996 I work is between the sun and moon, but I never heard of your description living in heaven or hell 1.1134 0.03553 97 87 9 1
3997 Wife: “I need my space.” Husband: “I can’t just magically disappear.” Magician: ~stares into camera~ 1.1134 0.03553 97 87 9 1
3998 Thanks for noticing. I got it on a trip to Europa in the 70s. 1.1134 0.03843 97 88 7 2
3999 If I could say 'Alakazam' and approve this short-term payday loan, I would. 1.1132 0.03370 106 95 10 1
4000 Doing taxes as a C.P.A. is more complicated than it used to be. 1.1132 0.03627 106 96 8 2
4001 I'm sorry that I can't be more specific Mr. & Mrs. Jones. All I CAN tell you is that you might want to start looking behind you occasionally, and ALWAYS sit with your backs to the wall. 1.1132 0.03627 106 96 8 2
4002 You think we are from different planets? 1.1129 0.03281 124 112 10 2
4003 Maybe it’s Mercury… 1.1127 0.04279 71 64 6 1
4004 It's okay-We're a more peaceful, Kosmic Klan. 1.1125 0.04355 80 73 5 2
4005 Don't hold your breath - your tax rebate may take a spell. 1.1125 0.03975 80 72 7 1
4006 You wanna go back to the year 1999! 1.1125 0.03975 80 72 7 1
4007 Sorry, that's still gonna take a bit longer. 1.1125 0.03975 80 72 7 1
4008 Stay away from pumpkins! 1.1124 0.03727 89 80 8 1
4009 Your broken marriage is beyond my powers as a wizard. Let me refer you to a miracle worker. 1.1124 0.03727 89 80 8 1
4010 Your charts indicate the first auspicious day for starting your business comes in Ausgus of 2025 1.1124 0.03727 89 80 8 1
4011 We’re trying to change our image. 1.1124 0.03727 89 80 8 1
4012 The reason I had to call you in is, even though it is April 8, you still can not wear white until Easter! 1.1124 0.04358 89 82 4 3
4013 This time share is in the very desirable “Uranus Adjacent” sector. 1.1124 0.03727 89 80 8 1
4014 Don't give up on your marriage - it'll blossom anew with a harmonious Venus aspect this June. That'll be $500. 1.1122 0.03805 98 89 7 2
4015 So your wife tells me you're looking for a home with more space. 1.1122 0.03205 98 87 11 0
4016 Please, call me Puzzlemaster. 1.1122 0.03518 98 88 9 1
4017 The results have come back; unfortunately, your son's hog has warts. 1.1122 0.03518 98 88 9 1
4018 I said I was a Planetologist not a Parentologist. 1.1122 0.03805 98 89 7 2
4019 Welcome to UNIVERS-AL Insurance Agency. I'm AL. 1.1121 0.03065 107 95 12 0
4020 On which planet would you like to vacation? 1.1111 0.04011 90 82 6 2
4021 Now the fee for your time share on Saturn is a mere... 1.1111 0.03514 81 72 9 0
4022 I’m only a Pretty Good Wizard. 1.1111 0.03687 90 81 8 1
4023 I'm so sorry, the woman and the black guy had been already selected for Artemis missions. Maybe next century. 1.1111 0.03928 81 73 7 1
4024 So we need you for a Horror-scopic movie…” 1.1111 0.03331 90 80 10 0
4025 Come back when you've calculated the last digit of pi and I'll have the answer to your question. 1.1111 0.04011 90 82 6 2
4026 Both of you have your Moon in Saturn. I’m afraid that means you’re going to lose your house. 1.1111 0.04011 90 82 6 2
4027 You think I'm a lunatic? Well, I was crazy about the moon early in my career, but now I focus on planetary astrology. 1.1111 0.03028 126 113 12 1
4028 The financial markets are so unpredictable nowadays that your financial advisory firm has contracted me to use wizardry to plan your financial future! 1.1111 0.04011 90 82 6 2
4029 Your stars will never align until you give up your fidelity to astronomy. It's all nonsense. Trust me. 1.1111 0.03331 90 80 10 0
4030 As your financial sorcerer, I foresee great things for you and unimaginable fees and commissions coming my way in your future. 1.1111 0.03687 90 81 8 1
4031 My wizard company has gone bankrupt. I had to let my staff go. 1.1111 0.03768 99 90 7 2
4032 You are not fooling US Joe - They keep telling US you are the president. Tell me it ain't so! 1.1111 0.03768 99 90 7 2
4033 Yes, I do perform outer space weddings. Can you wait 'till we go to Mars? 1.1111 0.04303 81 74 5 2
4034 That’s a common misconception. I collect this stuff because I actually hate space and everything it stands for. 1.1111 0.04011 90 82 6 2
4035 …and tell me, did Venus blow your mind?” @trai 1.1111 0.03687 90 81 8 1
4036 What can I help you get installed today? 1.1111 0.04011 90 82 6 2
4037 According to cosmic law, you should get a divorce. 1.1101 0.03012 109 97 12 0
4038 Are my keenly honed instincts telling me you’re thinking ‘Imperial Wizard, Ku Klux Klan,’ and not ‘Merlin Stanley, old world magic, new world financial security?’ 1.1100 0.03451 100 90 9 1
4039 No need to worry, Mr. and Mrs. Smith, I believe Timmy's grades are slipping because Saturn is in retrograde 1.1099 0.03969 91 83 6 2
4040 Look! Your Eyes may have Aligned. Your Hearts, too.... But the Stars, the Stars don't see you Two as One. 1.1099 0.03648 91 82 8 1
4041 I’m Dr Moons new Marriage councilor assistant. He is Star Gazing on his vacation. 1.1099 0.03297 91 81 10 0
4042 Regulators now insist we grant loans based on cosmic energy 1.1099 0.03648 91 82 8 1
4043 I may be a wizard but you’re out of this world. 1.1099 0.03648 91 82 8 1
4044 I'm sorry, but I can't put the magic back in your marriage. 1.1098 0.03883 82 74 7 1
4045 Yes, our bitcoin investments will get our other worldly returns? 1.1098 0.03883 82 74 7 1
4046 I'm sorry but you really need to *believe* to grow your retirement savings 1.1098 0.03473 82 73 9 0
4047 Let’s see, full moon, some of the planets are lined up…I will try and resurrect The WHO for you. 1.1096 0.04166 73 66 6 1
4048 In summary, I would be a thrilling addition to the cast of your son’s 7th birthday party. 1.1096 0.04166 73 66 6 1
4049 Little Jimmy shows aptitude, but after the whole 2020 incident, maybe God School just isn't for him. It's going to take years to fix the damage he caused. 1.1091 0.02986 110 98 12 0
4050 Bull markets generally occur in Taurus. Right now, Jupiter is aligned with Mars. 1.1091 0.03500 110 100 8 2
4051 On behalf of myself and the entire astronomy department my sincere apologies. You must find the wizard hat and robe extremely insulting. 1.1089 0.03697 101 92 7 2
4052 I suggest putting all your money in astrology and setting a little aside for counseling 1.1089 0.03115 101 90 11 0
4053 I can medicate your conscious brain, but I am not a spiritual teacher! 1.1087 0.03610 92 83 8 1
4054 Well, when it comes to time travel, I believe we can point you fine folks in the right direction. 1.1087 0.03610 92 83 8 1
4055 You tell me. . . 1.1087 0.03927 92 84 6 2
4056 After SpaceX lured me away from my carnival job, I now consider myself a practicing agent of intergalactic travel. 1.1087 0.03610 92 83 8 1
4057 The bloodwork? I thought we should first talk about your future. 1.1087 0.03610 92 83 8 1
4058 I said we should try the merLOT. 1.1087 0.03610 92 83 8 1
4059 Unfortunately, your children have ended up in space and we can no longer return them 1.1087 0.03263 92 82 10 0
4060 So you just have to prove you’re combined wealth is in the billions, give us the down payment and then the rocket is all yours. 1.1087 0.03263 92 82 10 0
4061 I don’t promise you the moon and stars. I just wear them. 1.1084 0.03838 83 75 7 1
4062 Well, yes, it is "The Car of the Future" but floormats are still extra. 1.1084 0.03838 83 75 7 1
4063 But Mr. and Mrs. Miller, that was back on Earth 1.1084 0.03838 83 75 7 1
4064 Do not gift the virtual games, better, gift the portion of land on the moon to your wife! 1.1084 0.03838 83 75 7 1
4065 Yes, the Klan has moved on into outer space. We're a travel agency now. 1.1084 0.04203 83 76 5 2
4066 And then I became a stock broker. 1.1084 0.03838 83 75 7 1
4067 Crypto"...no. I said "Krypton. 1.1084 0.03838 83 75 7 1
4068 I know he said I have a dream,but I have a scheme 1.1084 0.04203 83 76 5 2
4069 I'm not a wizard, you're a wizard. 1.1084 0.03434 83 74 9 0
4070 His grades are fine but he's falling behind in broom and water maintenance. 1.1081 0.04112 74 67 6 1
4071 What I can see is that you've maxed out two credit cards. We're cash only now. 1.1081 0.04540 74 68 4 2
4072 As you’ll learn astrology is not like cosmology, but it is like wizardry. 1.1081 0.03634 74 66 8 0
4073 I've established a colony on Venus, and would like you to join me there! 1.1078 0.03086 102 91 11 0
4074 …and if by chance things work out and you do decide to have kids some day, remember I’m free most weekends. 1.1078 0.03386 102 92 9 1
4075 I am solar-ly confident I can land you a good settlement. 1.1075 0.03573 93 84 8 1
4076 ..... yes, but does Hogwarts offer job placement services? 1.1075 0.04177 93 86 4 3
4077 We recommend these trips when couples need to give each some space. 1.1075 0.03230 93 83 10 0
4078 Unfortunately there is still a lot we don’t know about the female pleasure zones 1.1075 0.03887 93 85 6 2
4079 No magic to it: Our Race-to-the-Moon selection process is very black and white. 1.1071 0.03395 84 75 9 0
4080 this particular cruise includes … rectal and reproductive system examinations, psychological experimentation, two days of inter-species breeding and … the unlimited drinks package 1.1071 0.04155 84 77 5 2
4081 Yes --- I was KKK --- but it wasn't cosmic enough. 1.1071 0.03395 84 75 9 0
4082 Your marriage definitely requires our astral program. 1.1071 0.03794 84 76 7 1
4083 I have received a message from deep within the cosmos…and the cosmos told me yo mama is fat 1.1071 0.03794 84 76 7 1
4084 Now I take pride in my work, but I'm no magic worker 1.1071 0.03794 84 76 7 1
4085 Arcturus University, why do you ask? 1.1068 0.03628 103 94 7 2
4086 I’m afraid Uranus is in retrograde. 1.1068 0.03628 103 94 7 2
4087 Today's Klan is all in on DEI. 1.1068 0.03628 103 94 7 2
4088 I tried providing couples therapy using science. 1.1067 0.04060 75 68 6 1
4089 You've come to the right place for a home solar system..... 1.1067 0.03588 75 67 8 0
4090 Our crypto exchange will guarantee a safe profit for you, Mr. Wilson. 1.1067 0.03588 75 67 8 0
4091 Your son is doing well in our wizard school but let's face it : he's no Harry Potter. 1.1064 0.03847 94 86 6 2
4092 Mr. and Mrs. Jones , Like I was sayin' the Majic is in the madness ! 1.1064 0.03537 94 85 8 1
4093 I can assure you, everyone here at the Arizona State University Space Program are fully qualified houseboat astronauts. 1.1064 0.03847 94 86 6 2
4094 Your marriage is a cancer and it's falling to pisces. 1.1064 0.03537 94 85 8 1
4095 It's no exaggeration to say that the premiums I can offer you on car insurance are out of this world. 1.1059 0.03751 85 77 7 1
4096 Okay, I think we've thoroughly outlined the goal you're trying to hit. So roll a twenty. 1.1059 0.04108 85 78 5 2
4097 Oh dear. I came from the future and was not expecting whole blacks in my space travel. 1.1059 0.03751 85 77 7 1
4098 Don't worry, we have an app to calculate your time share. 1.1059 0.04108 85 78 5 2
4099 I suppose you folks think this profession is all wizardry. 1.1059 0.03357 85 76 9 0
4100 Thank you for choosing the April 15 tax return package 1.1059 0.03751 85 77 7 1
4101 I can make that happen, it's not rocket science 1.1058 0.03030 104 93 11 0
4102 It's too late to get in on the ground floor. 1.1053 0.03501 95 86 8 1
4103 these are the rules to are program 1.1053 0.03501 95 86 8 1
4104 To not know when to stop—you have to get far away. 1.1053 0.03382 114 104 8 2
4105 For another $50, I'll throw in a real wizard. 1.1053 0.04008 76 69 6 1
4106 We strongly suggest Muggle Studies 1.1053 0.03808 95 87 6 2
4107 Do you want the standard planetary realignment — that includes taking your Mercury out of retrograde for free. 1.1053 0.04805 76 71 2 3
4108 Trust me-being an astrophysicist normalizes you. 1.1053 0.03165 95 85 10 0
4109 I'm more abjuration than conjuration. 1.1053 0.03808 95 87 6 2
4110 Since it doesn’t rain in space, we’ll prorate your mortgage minus a roof. 1.1053 0.03501 95 86 8 1
4111 Obviously I’m a Sagittarius 1.1053 0.03808 95 87 6 2
4112 Im sorry to tell you but your son... he's a cancer. 1.1048 0.03561 105 96 7 2
4113 Yes, I dress this way on purpose. 1.1047 0.04061 86 79 5 2
4114 Your advisor says our psychic services investments are stellar. 1.1047 0.03320 86 77 9 0
4115 We're offering a special ticket price this week for those who are ready to take a chance on any one of these three planets as their destination. It's a real Deal! 1.1047 0.04385 86 80 3 3
4116 I am the portal to fulfilling your cosmic dreams. Dream carefully and choose wisely 1.1047 0.03709 86 78 7 1
4117 Galactic gentrification is becoming a thing, but there are a few galaxies still universal to all. 1.1047 0.03709 86 78 7 1
4118 If i, the gatekeeper of the cosmos, can’t cure you from “caring”, then back to the hostile, communal life you go. 1.1047 0.03709 86 78 7 1
4119 We need to teleport about Billy. 1.1047 0.03320 86 77 9 0
4120 I’m afraid we don’t offer pottery classes for young Harry … 1.1042 0.03466 96 87 8 1
4121 Now come on...what really bothering you two??? 1.1042 0.03466 96 87 8 1
4122 I'm afraid your little Suzie is just too advanced for our elementary Wizard School. Her Black Girl Magic is already upper-level. 1.1042 0.03769 96 88 6 2
4123 Your daughter has been acting out again, and I'd like to know if everything is ok at home? 1.1042 0.03134 96 86 10 0
4124 Statistics show my wearing a wizard's robe and hat softens the impact when parents are informed their child is being expelled. My adding: 'There has been outrageous muggle behavior' seems also to have positive effect. 1.1042 0.03466 96 87 8 1
4125 Next trip to Mars is 2035 - or The dunce with the degree 1.1039 0.03958 77 70 6 1
4126 So,just what do you remember about your encounter with the UFO an how would you rate it? 1.1038 0.03529 106 97 7 2
4127 I’m afraid that we have no apartments available now, but my son will be elected President someday. 1.1034 0.04016 87 80 5 2
4128 Yes, I'm a CPA - Certified Psychic Advisor - but I wouldn't even do my own taxes. 1.1034 0.03668 87 79 7 1
4129 You want her to orbit around you, but you are actually a dead star. 1.1034 0.03284 87 78 9 0
4130 After communicating with Donald Trump, I found that you don't qualify for anything! 1.1034 0.03284 87 78 9 0
4131 I expected more from your son, Pames Jotter 1.1031 0.03104 97 87 10 0
4132 The good news is that the moon is in the seventh house. The bad news involves Jupiter-Mars alignment. 1.1031 0.03104 97 87 10 0
4133 Couples therapy is for everyone. 1.1031 0.03432 97 88 8 1
4134 I just found a listing with four unlit chambers and 2 1/2 seance rooms 1.1028 0.03497 107 98 7 2
4135 I see a couch in your future. 1.1028 0.02950 107 96 11 0
4136 As I see it---wait who am I kidding, I can't see anything because I don't have eyes 1.1026 0.04314 78 72 4 2
4137 Unfortunately I only deal with outer world experiences. 1.1026 0.02817 117 105 12 0
4138 So you are interested in astrology? 1.1026 0.03457 78 70 8 0
4139 Three Saturns go for 60$ , one Milky Way for 55$.. 1.1026 0.04314 78 72 4 2
4140 With your new Medicare plan, I an offer you a way out of the universe... 1.1023 0.03249 88 79 9 0
4141 Mr. and Mrs. Allen releasing the troll from the dungeon was strike three. Your son is expelled from Wizarding School. 1.1023 0.03628 88 80 7 1
4142 Mister will be back tomorrow. 1.1023 0.03628 88 80 7 1
4143 I don’t need a crystal ball to see you two kids need counseling … 1.1023 0.03628 88 80 7 1
4144 I'm glad you are impressed with my outfit. Without it, I'm just a regular everyday loon. 1.1023 0.03628 88 80 7 1
4145 Have you thought about a different line of work? Contest 843 Steve Weiss, Chicago, Illinois 1.1023 0.03628 88 80 7 1
4146 You'll soon be coming into a token sum of money. 1.1020 0.03970 98 91 4 3
4147 I’m pleased to inform you the tumor has completely disappeared. 1.1020 0.03695 98 90 6 2
4148 Dare I say, and nothing to do with you, but we do have a problem with Black Holes! 1.1020 0.03399 98 89 8 1
4149 That's right - our specialty is working with couples who want to explore some space. 1.1019 0.02924 108 97 11 0
4150 So, I’ve been told you know how to figure out my cell phone bill. 1.1019 0.03206 108 98 9 1
4151 Insomnia medication is covered by most insurance, but the pointy hat is gonna cost you 1.1013 0.03862 79 72 6 1
4152 I'm a wiz with numbers. 1.1011 0.03589 89 81 7 1
4153 The two of you should never have gotten married. 1.1011 0.03929 89 82 5 2
4154 I’m sorry sir but not what we meant when we said we want our taxes done by a Financial Wizard 1.1011 0.03929 89 82 5 2
4155 I'm leaning toward Dartmouth on a Muay Thai athletic scholarship with Basque second language angle. 1.1011 0.03589 89 81 7 1
4156 I can assure you, the stock market will recover. 1.1011 0.03214 89 80 9 0
4157 We have Gringott's, of course. You Muggles, though, have unmagical IRA's. 1.1011 0.03929 89 82 5 2
4158 I’ m very sorry— your horoscope predictions are not covered by your private insurance” Jeffrey Manly Toronto, On 1.1011 0.03214 89 80 9 0
4159 Let's start with why you two decided to attend Mage Counseling in the first place. 1.1011 0.03929 89 82 5 2
4160 I'm afraid that the Ministry of Magic does not accept American Express. 1.1011 0.03589 89 81 7 1
4161 I'm just the dean of students,but some people think I'm a flying sorcerer from out of space somehow." 1.1011 0.04241 89 83 3 3
4162 Well, the good news is it's a very big universe. 1.1010 0.03659 99 91 6 2
4163 I’m afraid I cannot approve your small businesses loan here in Id. I am the Wizard, not the Miracle Worker. 1.1010 0.03659 99 91 6 2
4164 OK, your interstellar round trip flight is all arranged, and since you asked, I spent the last 45 years sitting in the corner of my kindergarten class wearing these clothes. 1.1010 0.03044 99 89 10 0
4165 Marriage is a union between two people, which establishes rights and obligations between them, often constituting institutional legal and cultural norms. It's not magic. 1.1000 0.03551 90 82 7 1
4166 I've looked and looked, but your love just isn't written in the stars. 1.1000 0.03815 80 73 6 1
4167 I was transferred from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry 1.1000 0.03551 90 82 7 1
4168 Yes, of course Bitcoin 401k is a solid investment - 1.1000 0.03887 90 83 5 2
4169 Sorry to tell you that the only one bedroom we have is on the next SpaceX flight that will eventually connect to the space station. 1.1000 0.03551 90 82 7 1
4170 The Webb telescope is a MAGA myth 1.1000 0.03180 90 81 9 0
4171 I am a WIZARD Mr. Jones, I don't know anything about Cats Riding Ponies, reading Tea Leaves in a Cup, talking to the Dead or calculating what numbers to pick for a Lottery." 1.1000 0.04618 70 65 3 2
4172 asking the real estate agent how far you have to move out of the city for your budget 1.1000 0.03887 90 83 5 2
4173 Why yes- we believe mercury is in retrograde at the moment, much like our society 1.1000 0.03333 100 91 8 1
4174 Mr. Robinson, you have stage 4 lung cancer 1.1000 0.03551 90 82 7 1
4175 I'm sorry, I may be a wizard, but I can't fix your relationship. 1.0991 0.02849 111 100 11 0
4176 Sorry but I'm not a travel agent 1.0990 0.02987 101 91 10 0
4177 As your financial advisor I have some bad news. 1.0990 0.02987 101 91 10 0
4178 The time continuum is in retrograde. 1.0990 0.02987 101 91 10 0
4179 I make better predictions when I'm in full Merlin. 1.0990 0.03589 101 93 6 2
4180 Yes. I’m a Grand astrologist now. 1.0989 0.03147 91 82 9 0
4181 In my day job I’m a CPA,, so for an extra $100, I can make your taxes disappear. 1.0989 0.03147 91 82 9 0
4182 I am sorry your Mars visa was declined, please expect your passport in 4-6 earth days. 1.0989 0.03513 91 83 7 1
4183 Now do you feel better about your 401K? 1.0989 0.03513 91 83 7 1
4184 Your charitable deductions can only take you so far... 1.0989 0.03513 91 83 7 1
4185 They weren't hiring at Oz or King Arthur's Court, so I thought I'd open my own shop. 1.0989 0.03513 91 83 7 1
4186 Yes, it’s true your son disappeared, but he’ll reappear soon enough. It seems a copy of the Book of Ironic Spells was left out. We expect he’ll reappear, but only when it’s very funny to do so. 1.0989 0.03513 91 83 7 1
4187 Since the last School Board meeting our revised curriculum is more "Hokus Pokus" and not so much "Wokeness"... 1.0988 0.03770 81 74 6 1
4188 So you have some reservations about our atmospheric investment returns? 1.0988 0.04159 81 75 4 2
4189 And that's why Bitcoin is going to $500,000. 1.0988 0.03336 81 73 8 0
4190 I was sorry to lose my remote work, but at least I've still got fantasy. 1.0986 0.03563 71 64 7 0
4191 Our travel bureau is a merger between Hogwarts and The Elon Musketeers. 1.0986 0.04089 71 65 5 1
4192 Forget Mars. A down-payment on the Moon will triple in value in Earth-time plus. The moon has water as well as a gorgeous pitch recorded by Frank Sinatra. "Fly me to the moon...." Yes!!!!! Sign on the extraterrestrial line. 1.0980 0.02959 102 92 10 0
4193 Yes, Pluto's Not a Planet Total Bummer Syndrome is a thing. But no and sorry, your insurance doesn't cover counseling. 1.0980 0.03271 102 93 8 1
4194 Which constellation did you say you wanted to visit? 1.0980 0.03555 102 94 6 2
4195 A lot of folks are expanding their search to less desirable neighborhoods in the hopes of finding affordable housing. 1.0978 0.03805 92 85 5 2
4196 As a wizard I’m not able to predict the market. 1.0978 0.03114 92 83 9 0
4197 A black hole is not what you’re looking for 1.0978 0.03114 92 83 9 0
4198 Hogwart's recruiting violations are well known. We can't send a dragon to pick up your daughter at school, it's illegal." 1.0978 0.03805 92 85 5 2
4199 Your stars have imploded. No one is blaming you. 1.0978 0.03805 92 85 5 2
4200 It only costs $999,999.999. 1.0978 0.03477 92 84 7 1
4201 Unfortunately Magic is fake so I can't help you. 1.0978 0.03805 92 85 5 2
4202 We offer competitive rates on travel packages to Saturn, but the Sun costs extra. 1.0978 0.03477 92 84 7 1
4203 Unfortunately, Cancer is not very compatible with Leo. 1.0978 0.03114 92 83 9 0
4204 Normally, I sell timeshares. During COVID, I switched to providing folks like yourself celestial prognostication - for a price, of course. 1.0976 0.03297 82 74 8 0
4205 I’m trying more out of the box methods for improving my bedside manner. 1.0976 0.03726 82 75 6 1
4206 Look, it's a California real estate property case: a little alchemy will help. 1.0968 0.03765 93 86 5 2
4207 No one would listen to me until I got those offers and silly costume 1.0968 0.03441 93 85 7 1
4208 Oh, you want an option for land on Mars? please contact Mr. Musk 1.0968 0.03082 93 84 9 0
4209 Look! The truth is that the James Webb has pretty much wiped the pocus off the hocus. 1.0964 0.03682 83 76 6 1
4210 Rest assured, being Accountant to the Stars in no way inhibits my ability to serve hard working people like yourselves. 1.0964 0.03682 83 76 6 1
4211 We thought the moons and stars might increase our membership 1.0964 0.03259 83 75 8 0
4212 Yes, I understand your apprehension. 1.0964 0.03682 83 76 6 1
4213 I am sorry to say some marital issues cannot be resolved with magic. 1.0964 0.04062 83 77 4 2
4214 When the fortune teller says no kids are allowed beyond this point 1.0964 0.03259 83 75 8 0
4215 So, you’re looking for a two bedroom with a view of the park under a mil. You’ve come to the right place! 1.0957 0.03405 94 86 7 1
4216 Dad, Mom, thanks for supporting me all these years but now I would rather be a lawyer than a mage. 1.0957 0.03405 94 86 7 1
4217 Well, with Mercury in retrograde and the moon in Virgo it appears as though you two are totally screwed. On the upside however, it's the perfect alignment for my vacation. 1.0952 0.04015 84 78 4 2
4218 I've determined that your stars and planets are in good alignment for climbing Mt. Everest. 1.0952 0.03640 84 77 6 1
4219 I WAS very much looking forward to the party, until I learnt the correct meaning of the Magic Mike theme. 1.0952 0.03222 84 76 8 0
4220 Well, actually I am a wizad, but you can call me an Astronomer. 1.0952 0.03222 84 76 8 0
4221 As you may know, your kids were star students this year. 1.0952 0.03640 84 77 6 1
4222 In the interest of space and time, let’s call it a black hole that you find yourselves in and only wizardry can save you now 1.0952 0.03640 84 77 6 1
4223 Wait a second, marriage counseling or necromance? 1.0947 0.03021 95 86 9 0
4224 Your grandchildren will be very happy you locked in this spot on the moon at such a low rate. 1.0947 0.03371 95 87 7 1
4225 I am sorry,but I cannot make the events of the last three years undone. 1.0947 0.03688 95 88 5 2
4226 I'd advise you to sell everything you have and move into outer space and wait till a space is available on another planet. 1.0947 0.03371 95 87 7 1
4227 I'll be gone next week. My wife and I are going to Saturn. 1.0947 0.03021 95 86 9 0
4228 You husband said you have to show me more, Lynne not Merlin 1.0947 0.03371 95 87 7 1
4229 Well, the good news is: your son is very bright. The bad news is: he thinks he’s the center of attention. 1.0946 0.03929 74 68 5 1
4230 No - - Sorry but UFO's don't count! 1.0943 0.03425 106 98 6 2
4231 I'm sorry to inform you that it's aquarius rising. 1.0943 0.03152 106 97 8 1
4232 Our analyst concludes the stars don't look good for your 401K. 1.0941 0.03186 85 77 8 0
4233 Your hemorrhoids are flaring up because the moon is close to Uranus. 1.0941 0.03186 85 77 8 0
4234 The "I have a Dream Speech" was just that. It was and always will be just a dream. 1.0941 0.03599 85 78 6 1
4235 So,your sex therapist recommended you to me. What stroke of luck do you think I can bring you? 1.0941 0.03599 85 78 6 1
4236 Uh...no I did not graduate from Hogwarts but I did receive my BS in Astrophysics from Caltech 1.0941 0.03969 85 79 4 2
4237 Actually, the new administration does have a plan for addressing systemic racism 1.0941 0.03599 85 78 6 1
4238 This year, your child will be sorted into one of these houses: gun violence, financial hardship and insecurity, discrimination and inequality, or climate change disasters. 1.0938 0.03337 96 88 7 1
4239 Are you ready to give up everything for this journey? 1.0935 0.03123 107 98 8 1
4240 Please understand that after the divorce quantum entanglement will already have locked your fates. 1.0933 0.03878 75 69 5 1
4241 Your Mars is in retrograde. . . Which could be the source of your problem. 1.0933 0.03878 75 69 5 1
4242 It appears as though your marriage has eclipsed into the “Shadow of Your Smile”. 1.0930 0.03558 86 79 6 1
4243 I don't do annulments, but would you be interested in a vanished marriage? 1.0930 0.03558 86 79 6 1
4244 When I die I expect an orbituary" 1.0930 0.03558 86 79 6 1
4245 Mr. and Mrs. Smith, I'm sorry to say that we can't summon that particular demon for you at this time. Unfortunately, your credit card doesn't include ritual summonings. 1.0930 0.03924 86 80 4 2
4246 Now what are your qualifications for becoming the next Grand Wizard? 1.0930 0.03924 86 80 4 2
4247 Past performance is not an indication of guaranteed outcomes. My wizardy is for imagination only. 1.0930 0.03558 86 79 6 1
4248 I’m a wizard of the KKK, not MediCAID. 1.0928 0.02961 97 88 9 0
4249 I'm afraid your son simply doesn't possess the skills needed to rematerialize Hazmatarians at an advanced level. 1.0928 0.03614 97 90 5 2
4250 As the setup wizard, I need to know whom you want to set up. 1.0928 0.03304 97 89 7 1
4251 Look, I just think your investments need a few more trips around the sun. 1.0928 0.02961 97 88 9 0
4252 I understand your daughter is showing talent as a witch, but you're simply not in the catchment area. 1.0928 0.03304 97 89 7 1
4253 Bitcoin, friends. Bitcoin. It's the future. It's salvation! 1.0921 0.03339 76 69 7 0
4254 They said that they did not have a corner for me to sit in. 1.0920 0.03519 87 80 6 1
4255 I'm the good kind of grand wizard! 1.0920 0.03880 87 81 4 2
4256 Why yes, I was a wizard in the KKK but there is way more money in running a private school.” 1.0920 0.03519 87 80 6 1
4257 You won't hear from your subcontractor until the Age of Aquarius ends. But it's a great time to unearth your potency. 1.0920 0.03116 87 79 8 0
4258 My best advice for you both as a couple... Look within to find without... Should help your sex life. 1.0920 0.03519 87 80 6 1
4259 Sorry, but I no longer practice law...I am selling outer space real estate while side gigging as a wizard... 1.0920 0.03116 87 79 8 0
4260 As my first 'not online' consults you will be required to pay cash in advance. 1.0920 0.03116 87 79 8 0
4261 My mission is to bring these students back “Down To Earth” 1.0920 0.03519 87 80 6 1
4262 You're in luck, my specialty is intergalactic tax law. 1.0920 0.03519 87 80 6 1
4263 I'd advise that you wait until Neptune has moved out of its 7th house. 1.0918 0.02932 98 89 9 0
4264 Well, I do have a magic wand but I’m recommending a long, hard and probably futile slog this week 1.0918 0.03271 98 90 7 1
4265 For the less adventurous, we also offer day tours of Main Street. 1.0909 0.03480 88 81 6 1
4266 For some reason, Mr. and Mrs. Nnamq, Mppho can’t spell. 1.0909 0.03082 88 80 8 0
4267 I did not study magic for 7 years to be called Mister Johnson...please, call me Warlock Johnson 1.0909 0.03082 88 80 8 0
4268 Bec, so you dislike Joe playing “childish” games? What do you think I do for a living? 1.0909 0.03780 77 71 5 1
4269 I need to know your income, your retirement goals, and your astrological sign. 1.0909 0.03082 88 80 8 0
4270 Well I'll tell you what Granddaddy told me. 'When the moon is in the Seventh House and Jupiter alines with Mars, then peace will guide the planets, and love will steer the stars.' Brings tears to my eyes just passing that on to you. 1.0909 0.03480 88 81 6 1
4271 I'm sorry. I shouldn't assume because you're black, you're too street-smart to believe my BS. 1.0909 0.03298 77 70 7 0
4272 I’m very sorry but we cannot admit your child to the MTG pre -school for no reason at all! 1.0900 0.03509 100 93 5 2
4273 As your attorney, I can tell you you’re dreaming if you think you can win this case. 1.0900 0.03208 100 92 7 1
4274 Well sir, if you were the Capricorn and she was the Pisces, the alignment would be perfect. However, as it stands, the stars are not in your favor. 1.0900 0.03509 100 93 5 2
4275 We no longer say the skies the limit 1.0900 0.03208 100 92 7 1
4276 Your child can’t get admission into Hogwarts. 1.0900 0.03208 100 92 7 1
4277 Become one with us and we will control the universe. 1.0899 0.03049 89 81 8 0
4278 Unfortunately, eye of newt can’t be substituted in the love potion” 1.0899 0.03442 89 82 6 1
4279 You have come to the wrong kind of doctor. I could predict the next nuclear war, but I cannot explain why your sex life is dull 1.0899 0.03795 89 83 4 2
4280 I am going to need you to work as couple and get my sword out of the stone 1.0899 0.03442 89 82 6 1
4281 Yes, I can see you are starry-eyed, but this is not Hollywood! 1.0897 0.03257 78 71 7 0
4282 Well, with Mercury in retrograde, I wouldn’t suggest getting into the market until the moon is in the seventh house and Jupiter aligns with Mars… 1.0897 0.04156 78 73 3 2
4283 ''Yes--I'm the Wizard of Space Oddity'' 1.0897 0.03734 78 72 5 1
4284 We use words like traveling & trekking, but never wandering." "I'm also known as the Wizard of Ego." "You'll go wherever you want. It just takes some magical thinking." "I learned from the best. Johnny Carson. "When you return, nothing will wor 1.0889 0.03405 90 83 6 1
4285 No prospective student is ever steered to any of the equally excellent areas of the rainbow spectrum of magic. 1.0889 0.04073 90 85 2 3
4286 The magic's out of your marriage? I have an incantation won't cost you much...you allergic to eye of newt? 1.0889 0.03405 90 83 6 1
4287 So you wanna learn how to be a wizard aye? 1.0889 0.03017 90 82 8 0
4288 I may be a wizard, but no magic can save your marriage. 1.0889 0.03754 90 84 4 2
4289 'Is Uranus ascendant?' , you ask. No, Uranus is ascendant. 1.0889 0.03405 90 83 6 1
4290 She'd like to enroll early for the next NASA Artemis moon mission. 1.0889 0.03405 90 83 6 1
4291 We can look for a fast return on your money, or for a real bang for your buck you might consider investing over cosmic time. 1.0889 0.03017 90 82 8 0
4292 As stated in my previous letter, you can’t just enroll at Hogwarts, you must be chosen. You’re also 45 years old. 1.0889 0.03405 90 83 6 1
4293 Principle talking to parents ~ 1.0886 0.04104 79 74 3 2
4294 And, if you pass background checks and are hired, you will never, for any reason, have to stand in the corner. 1.0886 0.03688 79 73 5 1
4295 Is our son dead? Worse -- Expelled. 1.0886 0.04104 79 74 3 2
4296 Here at Star Academy we accept with pleasure little Jupiter and Juno for the preschool program Transits and Trines affecting Wall Street. 1.0886 0.03688 79 73 5 1
4297 I’m sorry, but Xenu cannot fix your marriage. 1.0882 0.02822 102 93 9 0
4298 A word to the wise 1.0882 0.04049 68 63 4 1
4299 I think you’re looking for a mathematician 1.0882 0.03147 102 94 7 1
4300 No, I didn't lose the 2024 Election, I became the President of the Solar System. This is not about me its about you. I have some great Real Estate deals for you on Europa and Triton - much better destinations than those wannabes, Europe and Britain. 1.0879 0.03369 91 84 6 1
4301 I'm sorry, I only handle marital problems, tax issues and dog licenses if you happen to live in a parallel universe. 1.0879 0.02985 91 83 8 0
4302 Thank your lucky stars you came here. 1.0879 0.03369 91 84 6 1
4303 Unfortunately, you have Hogwarts. 1.0879 0.03369 91 84 6 1
4304 there is no magic between us anymore 1.0879 0.03369 91 84 6 1
4305 Last year we were long US Treasuries; this year it's the US Dollar. 1.0875 0.03179 80 73 7 0
4306 I've got to warn you. You might never come back. 1.0875 0.03643 80 74 5 1
4307 These marital problems all seem a bit trivial. 1.0875 0.03179 80 73 7 0
4308 All I know is I asked Siri to spell check and now I’m sitting here next to my stalker. 1.0875 0.03643 80 74 5 1
4309 Travel to Mars and back is guaranteed astrologically. 1.0875 0.03643 80 74 5 1
4310 We have a new listing for a house out on Waverly Place. 1.0875 0.03643 80 74 5 1
4311 Sorry. After notifying you, Emma and Colin decided to pick a different finalist. 1.0874 0.03118 103 95 7 1
4312 The stars are good for branding! 1.0870 0.02954 92 84 8 0
4313 What the #¥!&/ are you trying to say? 1.0870 0.03675 92 86 4 2
4314 It doesn't take a wizard to figure out that Woody Allen was not firing on all cylinders when he made Rifkin's Festival. 1.0870 0.03334 92 85 6 1
4315 I can separate you two by the law, or I can separate you magically. 1.0870 0.03675 92 86 4 2
4316 turns out your stars were nowhere near aligned 1.0870 0.02954 92 84 8 0
4317 I'm no Nostradamus, but I don't think the planets are aligned for the two of you. 1.0870 0.02954 92 84 8 0
4318 You're saying hes not allowed in because of "Black" Magic? 1.0865 0.02770 104 95 9 0
4319 Have you now or at anytime in the past asked to be referred to as ‘ FIRE-BREATHING DRAGON’? 1.0864 0.04005 81 76 3 2
4320 Frankly, your problems are beyond my Galaxy 1.0864 0.04005 81 76 3 2
4321 the stars add a ‘je ne sais quoi’ 1.0864 0.03141 81 74 7 0
4322 ... nd this is why your marriage is failing. 1.0860 0.03299 93 86 6 1
4323 The O.J. defense was just a little magic I performed for his case. 1.0860 0.03299 93 86 6 1
4324 I'm afraid that your demands are a bit too astronomical for our liking. 1.0860 0.02923 93 85 8 0
4325 I usually recommend an aggressive portfolio for any timeline less than 4 billion years. 1.0860 0.03299 93 86 6 1
4326 The “Lumos” is currently out of stock. Any thing else I could get you? 1.0860 0.02923 93 85 8 0
4327 it was a kind of magic. Now you are married 1.0860 0.02923 93 85 8 0
4328 No, we haven’t figured out free healthcare for all, but we can give treat you anywhere in the universe… 1.0860 0.03299 93 86 6 1
4329 I think I may be the wrong wizard for you... 1.0857 0.03370 70 64 6 0
4330 I RECCOMEND MERRIL LYNCH MYSELF 1.0854 0.03957 82 77 3 2
4331 My hands are tied. The Ministry of Magic licenses Apparition so there is not way I can allow your kids to teleport to Orlando. So yeah, you are going to have to pay the high airline fares. 1.0854 0.03105 82 75 7 0
4332 Look, just because I command the heavens and earth, what makes you think I can fix your relationship? 1.0851 0.03265 94 87 6 1
4333 I know this situation may make you feel alien. 1.0851 0.03903 94 89 2 3
4334 - “To be honest, we didn’t think our marriage was in this kind of trouble…” 1.0851 0.02894 94 86 8 0
4335 You've come to the right place. My expertise is in extraterrestrial affairs 1.0849 0.03316 106 99 5 2
4336 I went to great lengths to find your baby,folks.I resent being called a "Vondruke" 1.0845 0.03324 71 65 6 0
4337 Magic is in the air, much like that wizard is hiding their hair 1.0843 0.03911 83 78 3 2
4338 I have several properties in the solar system. Which planet would you like to consider buying a prime property on? The views are spectacular! 1.0843 0.03911 83 78 3 2
4339 Unfortunately I am not qualified to mediate relationships 1.0843 0.03069 83 76 7 0
4340 You're thinking of astrology 1.0843 0.03069 83 76 7 0
4341 Your child has chosen to study abroad on Mars, so will be back in a few years 1.0843 0.04270 83 79 1 3
4342 It will take light years to get there. 1.0842 0.03232 95 88 6 1
4343 I was a bit avant-garde for a Grand Wizard so now I’m just a wizard 1.0842 0.03232 95 88 6 1
4344 We like to think we take the guesswork out of your financial solutions. 1.0833 0.03474 84 78 5 1
4345 How long would you say your infertility has been going on? 1.0833 0.03199 96 89 6 1
4346 The moolahs in Iran are killing children, please forget your petty problems and help save the world. 1.0833 0.03280 72 66 6 0
4347 Astrology couples therapy 1.0833 0.03474 84 78 5 1
4348 I'll be honest. My fee is astronomical. 1.0824 0.02999 85 78 7 0
4349 As the lead counselor here at North High School, I suggest a quickie exorcism for you daughter. We want her to fit in properly. 1.0824 0.03821 85 80 3 2
4350 The universe is a magical place! 1.0822 0.03779 73 68 4 1
4351 Why it had to be white, buffoonery 1.0822 0.03237 73 67 6 0
4352 do you really think that she will fit in here? 1.0816 0.03455 98 92 4 2
4353 Now let me see, you both want to when thins get better? 1.0816 0.03136 98 91 6 1
4354 No, we haven't any vacancies right now, but I'll be sure to put you folks on the list, and get back to you. 1.0816 0.02780 98 90 8 0
4355 Congratulations on taking Mansplaining to the Nth Degree. 1.0811 0.03729 74 69 4 1
4356 It's astral travel. You won't need a passport 1.0805 0.02933 87 80 7 0
4357 I'm more of a Planetary Public. 1.0805 0.02933 87 80 7 0
4358 Accountancy never reveals the whole story." (Note - prefer "whole" is typographically emphasized. 1.0805 0.02933 87 80 7 0
4359 Journeys are sorted into number of wormholes used to get there. how many wormhole jumps do you want to use? 1.0805 0.03358 87 81 5 1
4360 So you want to find your dog in mars ? 1.0805 0.03735 87 82 3 2
4361 As an independent charter school we are not affiliated. But our accreditation from Middle States is pending. 1.0805 0.02933 87 80 7 0
4362 You should wait until Mercury is not in retrograde to make your decision yo attend Astrology U. 1.0800 0.03154 75 69 6 0
4363 Well to be frank, the studio spell is the only one that seems within your reach and we will still need two recommendations from witches or wizards in the witchinity 1.0800 0.03154 75 69 6 0
4364 Yes, I still value my time at Hogwarts, but I had to start this academy after I discovered Scientology. 1.0795 0.03321 88 82 5 1
4365 I predict if you invest $13,000 with me that you will get a $1,000 check each month for twelve months. 1.0795 0.03321 88 82 5 1
4366 There are no names because those aren't paintings. You're looking through high-powered lenses in real light-year time. 1.0795 0.02901 88 81 7 0
4367 I never learned how to get mops to wash you4 floors. 1.0795 0.02901 88 81 7 0
4368 You NEVER had a Wizzy Wizz and wonder way your child has emotional issues. 1.0795 0.02901 88 81 7 0
4369 Welcome to Other-Worldly Travel! 1.0795 0.03321 88 82 5 1
4370 Your reports are missing pizzazz 1.0795 0.03321 88 82 5 1
4371 I know it might seem a bit outre, but I really think a trip to the moon might just save your marriage. 1.0792 0.02701 101 93 8 0
4372 Unfortunately, the next preschool opening on Jupiter is in two years. 1.0789 0.03114 76 70 6 0
4373 You may be dressed like a wizard, but you’re no wizard. 1.0787 0.02870 89 82 7 0
4374 If you let us send you into space, I think we can guarantee that your marriage will survive. 1.0779 0.03588 77 72 4 1
4375 Do you have a wand? 1.0779 0.03588 77 72 4 1
4376 Great news! We've found the ideal sperm donor to help fertilize your wife. He's tall, handsome, makes good money and is a WAY better magician than David Blaine & Criss Angel." "We don't want your seed sorry." "I can pull my penis out of a hat." "No 1.0778 0.02839 90 83 7 0
4377 Yes, financial counselling has really transformed in recent years... 1.0778 0.03249 90 84 5 1
4378 So,why did you choose now to invest in Crypto? 1.0778 0.03249 90 84 5 1
4379 I can see your future with good news: The luggaje is included. 1.0769 0.03214 91 85 5 1
4380 From somewhere over the rainbow, I bring you some guidance. 1.0769 0.03574 91 86 3 2
4381 I’m sorry, but it is a matter of policy for us to deny loans from applicants that are Sagittarius. We checked with legal and they’ve assured us it’s not a protected class. 1.0769 0.03037 78 72 6 0
4382 I'm the Wizard of cOZmology. 1.0761 0.03180 92 86 5 1
4383 Sir, this is a place of science. 1.0761 0.03536 92 87 3 2
4384 Sadly, I'm a Wizard of Flaws. 1.0761 0.03180 92 86 5 1
4385 I am capable of many spells but I am unable to spell out the terms and conditions. If people really understood what they were buying into they probably wouldn’t 1.0761 0.02779 92 85 7 0
4386 How long a trip are you would you like? 1.0759 0.03499 79 74 4 1
4387 Let’s see…astrology, mysticism, black magic. Sorry. 1.0756 0.02711 119 111 7 1
4388 I’m sorry, we have run out of stock. 1.0753 0.02751 93 86 7 0
4389 I can't perform miracles. 1.0753 0.02751 93 86 7 0
4390 No sign of your Sun, yet. 1.0750 0.02963 80 74 6 0
4391 Sorry, but you just don't have that old black magic. 1.0750 0.03887 80 76 2 2
4392 Ever since you learned my name is Graham, and I'm a wizard, I feel you pulling away. 1.0741 0.03415 81 76 4 1
4393 Expect a long, hot, ultimately explosive pregnancy. 1.0741 0.03415 81 76 4 1
4394 Dorthy, TinMan, Toto, the entire Yellow Brick Road crowd are current clients. 1.0737 0.03082 95 89 5 1
4395 So the meditation and therapy isn’t working? Let’s try some magic. Just remember, if this doesn’t work, I can set up a dating app for both of you. 1.0735 0.03815 68 64 3 1
4396 yes, you need to add taxes to the cost…I have my moon in Taurus and have to keep things earthy 1.0732 0.02894 82 76 6 0
4397 You’re a wizard Joe, but you’re not Sue 1.0729 0.02668 96 89 7 0
4398 No I wasn’t going to say that you two just need some space…I was going to say you need a fresh STARt 1.0729 0.03051 96 90 5 1
4399 Now when I say "abra" what comes to mind? 1.0723 0.03334 83 78 4 1
4400 I don’t think she loves me to the moon and back.” Ya, I don’t see us shining together like moon and the stars!” So do you both want to file a divorce? Or give it another shot and aim for the moon? 1.0723 0.03334 83 78 4 1
4401 I'm your Ologist now. You should have your prostate checked. 1.0723 0.02860 83 77 6 0
4402 Well, it's like this. The stars are just refusing to line up at all right now. Perhaps you'd like to make a small donation to help fund our new telescope? 1.0723 0.02860 83 77 6 0
4403 Couples counselling is down the hall, but I assure you I can offer you what you need. 1.0714 0.02827 84 78 6 0
4404 Venus is ascendant, and Mars is retrograde. 1.0714 0.02827 84 78 6 0
4405 Our crypto platform is more decentralize 1.0714 0.03295 84 79 4 1
4406 I know Dr.Freud said we should consult a theirspist,but I didn’t know he would take us to this bozo. 1.0706 0.02795 85 79 6 0
4407 Unfortunately, you are not entitled to free couples therapy sessions due to mercury being in retrograde this month. You already used your compensation during the full moon. 1.0706 0.03257 85 80 4 1
4408 And, time shares on Mars will appreciate in the coming years. 1.0706 0.02795 85 79 6 0
4409 So you're wondering about bank interest rates? 1.0706 0.03257 85 80 4 1
4410 Frankly, I think the Age of Aquarius 1.0700 0.03258 100 95 3 2
4411 I foresee a tax-related indictment in your futures. 1.0698 0.02763 86 80 6 0
4412 Would you prefer the sunny or dark side of the Moon for your home site? 1.0698 0.03220 86 81 4 1
4413 Are you the Wizard of Wall Street ? 1.0698 0.03220 86 81 4 1
4414 We have several finance arrangements for space travel. However, given the experimental nature of our trips, you must be paid-up in full before you go! 1.0698 0.02763 86 80 6 0
4415 The results are in unfortunately your son Pluto was not accepted to the solar system for this semester 1.0698 0.03220 86 81 4 1
4416 Well you see, as per exchange and return policy, we cannot accept the exchange of your horoscope right now due to the Mercury retrograde. However i could help you with the introduction of Jupiter in it. 1.0694 0.03607 72 68 3 1
4417 Where would you like to visit? 1.0690 0.03184 87 82 4 1
4418 ... and no, there isn't a spell for reinstating a planet. 1.0690 0.02732 87 81 6 0
4419 Trust me . Doubling the value of your portfolio will be a no-brainer 1.0690 0.02732 87 81 6 0
4420 Your child is suspended for violation of our dress code and assigned to rehab on Pluto for two weeks. 1.0690 0.03184 87 82 4 1
4421 After giving this a lot of thought, I think you might be better served with a more down-to-earth attorney. 1.0686 0.03196 102 97 3 2
4422 I didn't mean to give the impression that we're police exactly. 1.0682 0.02702 88 82 6 0
4423 So you want to know whether to support Trump in 2024. 1.0682 0.02702 88 82 6 0
4424 Attempt #78362718: ‘Welcome to the Good Place.’ 1.0682 0.02702 88 82 6 0
4425 We're looking for a couple of serious space travelers. 1.0660 0.02424 106 99 7 0
4426 So, you’re not here to sign up for the trip to Planet Ogore? Can you give me a quick sec while I magically change attire and decor? 1.0659 0.03047 91 86 4 1
4427 Be assured, this academy will provide your child the very best preparation for service in the Space Force 1.0658 0.02863 76 71 5 0
4428 Oh sure, I've heard them all: LIZARD, GIZZARD, BLIZZARD, Eddie IZZARD. But it's never 'IS HEARD!' 1.0652 0.02588 92 86 6 0
4429 We're willing to accept your children in our University of Magic, but be aware that it could all be an illusion, including this meeting. 1.0649 0.03377 77 73 3 1
4430 Sorry, I can’t revive the magic in your relationship. I’m not that kind of wizard. 1.0649 0.02827 77 72 5 0
4431 Reason to you go ... they need more space. 1.0645 0.02561 93 87 6 0
4432 now i have heard you think i am too Spacey....... 1.0641 0.02791 78 73 5 0
4433 I can read YOU, but don't ask me to crack open an astrophysics book. 1.0641 0.03335 78 74 3 1
4434 We don’t just go for the full immersive experience at Disney Parks, but when we sell their timeshares as well 1.0638 0.02952 94 89 4 1
4435 The only one we have left is Love Potion Number Nine. 1.0633 0.02757 79 74 5 0
4436 And just where do you wish to go in the Cosmos? 1.0633 0.03293 79 75 3 1
4437 I am sorry your Mars visa request was declined, please expect your passport in 4-6 Earth days. 1.0633 0.02757 79 74 5 0
4438 I'm sorry, but your son won't pass my class until he lets go of Pluto. 1.0632 0.02509 95 89 6 0
4439 None of us has a magic wand, Mr. Johnson, but there are still some things we can do. 1.0625 0.02723 80 75 5 0
4440 Same story, black cast, musical and I'm the title character, I like it. 1.0625 0.02723 80 75 5 0
4441 I am confident, and that's why you're here! 1.0625 0.02483 96 90 6 0
4442 As a Capricorn, I wear many hats. Astrology’s my side hustle. 1.0625 0.02483 96 90 6 0
4443 I'm sorry to have to tell you this Mr. and Ms. Jones, but your son keeps insisting that he's failing Astronomy because he is a Taurus. 1.0617 0.03213 81 77 3 1
4444 You forgot to don your hats and pajamas. 1.0617 0.02691 81 76 5 0
4445 The good news is, your son is a very talented wizard. 1.0617 0.03213 81 77 3 1
4446 I can't identify my contact with the spirit world - but the name rhymes with a major German city. 1.0610 0.03175 82 78 3 1
4447 We need to talk about your lack of enthusiasm for Final Frontier Fridays... 1.0602 0.03137 83 79 3 1
4448 Abracadabra, this marriage has 3 people, you must kick out Debra 1.0602 0.03137 83 79 3 1
4449 I urge you not to purchase your own telescope. As your accountant, I will keep up apprised of all generally accepted signs and portents. 1.0595 0.03101 84 80 3 1
4450 After a lifetime of extensive scientific study I assure you that the proper way to approach hearing from the Celestial Sphere is to together hold hands and enthusiastically say "Bibbity,Bobbity,Boo!" 1.0588 0.03065 85 81 3 1
4451 Your son is exhibiting cosmic energy 1.0571 0.02794 70 66 4 0
4452 If you wanna get pregnan you'll have to take 2 spoons of jupiter, a little bit of Mars and 3 chops of moon every Day for 3 weeks 1.0571 0.02794 70 66 4 0
4453 I'm sorry, Mr. and Mrs. Jones, the stars just aren't aligned for a loan at this time 1.0562 0.02455 89 84 5 0
4454 Account-? Oh, no, this is the office of Charnley and Chang's *Occultant* Group, but I did pretty well in 4th grade Algebra. 1.0556 0.02428 90 85 5 0
4455 I'm pleased to share the exciting news that your young Charlie will be our valedictorian this year. The unfortunate news is that - my apologies - I've accidentally abracadabra'd my office to outer space again. 1.0549 0.02402 91 86 5 0
4456 Unlike the unpredictable annual maintenance fee for timeshare properties on earth, we actually guarantee that you will never see an annual increase over 90%, ever, when you buy timeshare in space. 1.0543 0.02835 92 88 3 1
4457 Our Deluxe Package includes Potions tutoring,an internship with an owl sanctuary,application-essay editing,and a money-back guarantee if Timmy is not admitted to Hogwarts. 1.0541 0.02647 74 70 4 0
4458 Black thetans are different from white thetans. 1.0532 0.02327 94 89 5 0
4459 My wife encouraged me to take up a new line of work but I’m still a Grand Wizard. 1.0526 0.03187 76 73 2 1
4460 I did tell you on the phone that I was a wiz of a lawyer! 1.0513 0.02514 78 74 4 0
4461 You said you were an advisor TO the stars. 1.0494 0.02422 81 77 4 0
4462 I can see that you're going on a trip out of this world. 1.0488 0.02956 82 79 2 1
4463 We hesitate to admit you people. Republicans don’t always become stellar Unitarians. 1.0482 0.02365 83 79 4 0
4464 dream analyst 1.0444 0.02184 90 86 4 0
4465 We're approaching the limits of instruction differentiation for Lance. 1.0435 0.02138 92 88 4 0
4466 Can’t help you on this planet, so pick another. 1.0395 0.02248 76 73 3 0
4467 So our daughter took video of you doing what? We couldn't imagine where she'd get such an idea. It seems unthinkable. It is clearly possible for you to wave your magic wand and make it all disappear. 1.0375 0.02137 80 77 3 0
4468 And thirty-eight percent of our graduates end up at a Wavy Length university. 1.0267 0.01873 75 73 2 0