Rank |
Caption |
Mean |
Precision |
Total votes |
"Unfunny" votes |
"Somewhat funny" votes |
"Funny" votes |
0 |
A mortgage I’ll approve for thee, if you can solve these riddles three. |
1.6844 |
0.01742 |
1993 |
1016 |
590 |
387 |
1 |
It's not just the name of my business- I am, in fact, the tax wizard. |
1.6699 |
0.02947 |
615 |
299 |
220 |
96 |
2 |
If you take the 8:05 tonight, you can arrive last Thursday, in plenty time for yesterday's Powerball. |
1.6608 |
0.02235 |
1250 |
674 |
326 |
250 |
3 |
And that is how cryptocurrency works. |
1.6575 |
0.01327 |
3594 |
1963 |
899 |
732 |
4 |
...and that's how bit coin works. |
1.6515 |
0.01454 |
2973 |
1632 |
745 |
596 |
5 |
Where your money went is one of the universe’s unsolved mysteries. |
1.6432 |
0.02744 |
740 |
385 |
234 |
121 |
6 |
I’ll take your case but I must warn you that my fees are astronomical. |
1.6426 |
0.01704 |
1894 |
980 |
611 |
303 |
7 |
It’s actually not that complicated— you are from Mars and your wife is from Venus. |
1.6389 |
0.01731 |
1875 |
987 |
578 |
310 |
8 |
Taylor Swift tickets! Do I look like a magician? |
1.6375 |
0.02247 |
1142 |
611 |
334 |
197 |
9 |
Welcome to Silicon Valley Bank! |
1.6359 |
0.02833 |
769 |
428 |
193 |
148 |
10 |
They say you should dress for the job you want. |
1.6327 |
0.01626 |
2167 |
1165 |
633 |
369 |
11 |
This phase of couples counseling we like to call 'Finding the Magic'. |
1.6236 |
0.02737 |
712 |
374 |
232 |
106 |
12 |
I specialize in the more arcane areas of the tax code. |
1.6213 |
0.01298 |
3227 |
1719 |
1011 |
497 |
13 |
Were you thinking one way or round trip? |
1.6157 |
0.01794 |
1634 |
864 |
534 |
236 |
14 |
Oh that. It’s laundry day. |
1.6135 |
0.03338 |
489 |
264 |
150 |
75 |
15 |
Mrs. Johnson, let me say once again, that although Mr. Johnson said he would give you the moon and the stars…they are not his to give and you are therefore not entitled to half” |
1.6097 |
0.01491 |
2593 |
1451 |
703 |
439 |
16 |
I find it relaxes people being audited. |
1.6042 |
0.02637 |
768 |
417 |
238 |
113 |
17 |
No, no diploma per se. |
1.6015 |
0.01595 |
2138 |
1177 |
636 |
325 |
18 |
The good news is we found your luggage; the bad news is it's gonna take 3.7 light years to get it to you. |
1.5993 |
0.01631 |
2114 |
1187 |
587 |
340 |
19 |
I don’t think you two understand the gravity of the situation. |
1.5981 |
0.02659 |
744 |
405 |
233 |
106 |
20 |
In Florida astrologer is the only medical professional licensed to deal with your problem. |
1.5933 |
0.01649 |
2075 |
1179 |
561 |
335 |
21 |
Well, Joanna, what DID you mean by “needing space”? |
1.5874 |
0.01620 |
1985 |
1095 |
614 |
276 |
22 |
Well, yes, I agree. Wealth management is not an exact science. What makes you ask? |
1.5848 |
0.01769 |
1669 |
926 |
510 |
233 |
23 |
Our fund invests primarily in future futures. |
1.5841 |
0.01711 |
1736 |
952 |
554 |
230 |
24 |
The stars will align for your marriage once your check clears. |
1.5812 |
0.01638 |
1951 |
1090 |
588 |
273 |
25 |
.."And that's why Bitcoin is a solid investment...." |
1.5808 |
0.02828 |
730 |
430 |
176 |
124 |
26 |
Maybe you both need a little bit of space. |
1.5741 |
0.01820 |
1545 |
864 |
475 |
206 |
27 |
So where do you see yourselves, say, five light years from now? |
1.5738 |
0.01664 |
1849 |
1035 |
567 |
247 |
28 |
I assure you, that’s all in the past. The Mormon Church today is diverse and accepting. |
1.5730 |
0.03543 |
466 |
278 |
109 |
79 |
29 |
It's $200 for the couple's therapy package but $800 if you really want me to work my magic. |
1.5679 |
0.03123 |
523 |
295 |
159 |
69 |
30 |
As you know, our reputation is stellar. |
1.5652 |
0.02442 |
805 |
444 |
267 |
94 |
31 |
It appears your investments are in retrograde… |
1.5597 |
0.03302 |
477 |
275 |
137 |
65 |
32 |
We really embrace being the safety school for kids who wanted to go to Hogwarts instead. |
1.5497 |
0.02630 |
715 |
410 |
217 |
88 |
33 |
Your horoscopes show you'll be getting a big bill from a charlatan. |
1.5464 |
0.01754 |
2101 |
1371 |
312 |
418 |
34 |
A lot of schools have uniforms. |
1.5417 |
0.01896 |
1438 |
852 |
393 |
193 |
35 |
Sure, I can look at your stock portfolio but keep in mind I am not a financial wizard. |
1.5396 |
0.01869 |
1427 |
835 |
414 |
178 |
36 |
What do you mean you can't read her mind? |
1.5374 |
0.02949 |
588 |
349 |
162 |
77 |
37 |
You were born under the influence of Pluto, when it was still a planet. Since it's not a planet anymore, you officially have no future. |
1.5372 |
0.02579 |
767 |
455 |
212 |
100 |
38 |
This is just a side job. I teach middle school science. |
1.5311 |
0.01799 |
1557 |
928 |
431 |
198 |
39 |
You've no doubt heard that a lot of my former clients went on to become big stars. |
1.5311 |
0.01867 |
1416 |
837 |
406 |
173 |
40 |
I’m not entirely clear…why are worried about your investments with us? |
1.5299 |
0.01893 |
1470 |
895 |
371 |
204 |
41 |
Let us try to appreciate the gravity of your situation. |
1.5283 |
0.02606 |
706 |
414 |
211 |
81 |
42 |
It helps if you think we know what we're doing. |
1.5277 |
0.02507 |
741 |
430 |
231 |
80 |
43 |
What a lot of people don't realize about us here at NASA is that we don't know how we do it, either! |
1.5276 |
0.02433 |
851 |
510 |
233 |
108 |
44 |
Yes, I can literally bring the magic back to your marriage. |
1.5263 |
0.01853 |
1406 |
830 |
412 |
164 |
45 |
It's general relativity in the mornings, advanced string theory in the afternoons, and pajama day every Friday. |
1.5247 |
0.01920 |
1378 |
833 |
367 |
178 |
46 |
yes, some people do call me a financial wizard. why do you ask |
1.5239 |
0.01817 |
1441 |
849 |
429 |
163 |
47 |
Let's appreciate the gravity of the situation. |
1.5224 |
0.02626 |
670 |
391 |
208 |
71 |
48 |
Having heard your tax situation, it's clear you've come to the right place. |
1.5217 |
0.01905 |
1361 |
817 |
378 |
166 |
49 |
When the moon is in the seventh house and Jupiter aligns with Mars; move all your money to Crypto |
1.5216 |
0.03137 |
485 |
287 |
143 |
55 |
50 |
Are you familiar with cryptocurrency? |
1.5206 |
0.01930 |
1356 |
823 |
360 |
173 |
51 |
Of course, I must warn you that asset management is not an exact pseudo-science. |
1.5203 |
0.01919 |
1382 |
842 |
361 |
179 |
52 |
Sorry, I can't actually put the magic back in your relationship. |
1.5201 |
0.01857 |
1417 |
849 |
399 |
169 |
53 |
Frankly, your son is not a stellar student. |
1.5186 |
0.02038 |
1184 |
713 |
328 |
143 |
54 |
I just do magic. You want marriage counseling --2 doors down. |
1.5146 |
0.01945 |
1269 |
762 |
361 |
146 |
55 |
I think you two should give each other some space. |
1.5138 |
0.01953 |
1265 |
762 |
356 |
147 |
56 |
Some call it magic, others call it tax fraud. |
1.5135 |
0.02075 |
1223 |
764 |
290 |
169 |
57 |
Astronomy, astrology, it's all the same in my book. |
1.5130 |
0.02526 |
768 |
466 |
210 |
92 |
58 |
If you're not into astrology, I also sell mood rings. |
1.5121 |
0.02296 |
1203 |
818 |
154 |
231 |
59 |
Yes, I was your financial adviser, but this works just as well |
1.5119 |
0.01977 |
1219 |
733 |
348 |
138 |
60 |
Sorry, but your magical insurance doesn't cover pre-existing curses. |
1.5107 |
0.02098 |
1165 |
723 |
289 |
153 |
61 |
Even my magic can't help you win this contest - the Caption Contest Facebook group votes as a bloc for blockheaded captions submitted by fellow members and your funnier caption will be buried during crowdsource voting." [See what I did there, Beth? |
1.5096 |
0.02270 |
1244 |
853 |
148 |
243 |
62 |
We caught your son playing with his wand in the bathroom again. |
1.5095 |
0.02245 |
1158 |
761 |
204 |
193 |
63 |
It’s a good time to buy; as the universe expands, so does the market out there. |
1.5079 |
0.01944 |
1203 |
715 |
365 |
123 |
64 |
I needed an outfit to tie the room together. |
1.5065 |
0.02040 |
1149 |
698 |
320 |
131 |
65 |
Your moon is in Virgo and your sun sign is ascendant but I'm afraid your form 1040 is in retrograde. |
1.5036 |
0.02201 |
983 |
599 |
273 |
111 |
66 |
In what realm do you see yourselves in five years?” |
1.5019 |
0.02314 |
1044 |
681 |
202 |
161 |
67 |
Unlike the other financial advisors you interview, I actually do have a crystal ball. |
1.5019 |
0.02231 |
1070 |
684 |
235 |
151 |
68 |
You mentioned that your last therapist was too “down to earth?” |
1.5016 |
0.03900 |
321 |
198 |
85 |
38 |
69 |
Sorry. Can't help you with something like that . You'll have to contact one of the conspiracy experts in either Georgia or Florida. |
1.5000 |
0.02606 |
750 |
472 |
181 |
97 |
70 |
When did you notice the magic was gone? |
1.4995 |
0.02325 |
973 |
621 |
218 |
134 |
71 |
Now that I have tenure, this is a great way to get out of committee work. |
1.4986 |
0.02154 |
1055 |
655 |
274 |
126 |
72 |
Yes, our fees are astronomical. But you make it sound like a bad thing. |
1.4985 |
0.02146 |
1029 |
631 |
283 |
115 |
73 |
Earth may have taken a turn for the worse, but I can promise you the moon and the stars. |
1.4963 |
0.02597 |
681 |
414 |
196 |
71 |
74 |
Technically, the funds were evaporated, not embezzled. |
1.4960 |
0.02316 |
1000 |
647 |
210 |
143 |
75 |
What makes you think your luggage is here? |
1.4945 |
0.02294 |
993 |
637 |
221 |
135 |
76 |
And, that’s how we come up with credit scores. |
1.4937 |
0.02311 |
950 |
603 |
225 |
122 |
77 |
Both of you need to come down to earth. |
1.4927 |
0.02928 |
548 |
338 |
150 |
60 |
78 |
If i weren't a very good lawyer, do you think I could get away with this clown suit? |
1.4913 |
0.02553 |
688 |
418 |
202 |
68 |
79 |
For my next trick, I'll try to find your money before you retire. |
1.4910 |
0.02364 |
837 |
517 |
229 |
91 |
80 |
Now when you said “bring the magic back to the relationship” I think there was a misunderstanding. |
1.4905 |
0.02225 |
946 |
585 |
258 |
103 |
81 |
Mr Wizard was my dad,call me Don. |
1.4902 |
0.03196 |
459 |
284 |
125 |
50 |
82 |
Excuse my raspy voice. I have a frog in my throat. |
1.4865 |
0.02588 |
849 |
571 |
143 |
135 |
83 |
Well just what does a real lawyer look like Mr. Thomas? |
1.4844 |
0.02643 |
799 |
535 |
141 |
123 |
84 |
Now this is gonna sound way out there, but... |
1.4838 |
0.02689 |
616 |
378 |
178 |
60 |
85 |
As your tax lawyer, I can make your problems with the IRS disappear. |
1.4813 |
0.02381 |
802 |
498 |
222 |
82 |
86 |
I’m sorry but Abracadabra can’t fix this. |
1.4804 |
0.02349 |
841 |
527 |
224 |
90 |
87 |
Perhaps a little magic is just what this marriage needs? |
1.4803 |
0.02260 |
862 |
530 |
250 |
82 |
88 |
Heavens, no. |
1.4796 |
0.02447 |
784 |
494 |
204 |
86 |
89 |
My father always told me to dress for the job you want. |
1.4782 |
0.02458 |
824 |
532 |
190 |
102 |
90 |
So, you're looking for universal healthcare? You've come to the right place. |
1.4779 |
0.02514 |
770 |
493 |
186 |
91 |
91 |
According to the planets, you will have a couple good years, a couple bad years, and some entirely forgettable years….just like everyone else. |
1.4754 |
0.02448 |
732 |
453 |
210 |
69 |
92 |
So, the magic is gone.I hear that a lot." |
1.4753 |
0.02792 |
789 |
558 |
87 |
144 |
93 |
I'm here to return the magic to your relationship. |
1.4730 |
0.02468 |
742 |
466 |
201 |
75 |
94 |
Listen, this is Florida. Schools have to work with what we're left with. |
1.4723 |
0.02736 |
739 |
502 |
125 |
112 |
95 |
There is no spell powerful enough to remove your son from your basement and out on his own. |
1.4702 |
0.02776 |
704 |
476 |
125 |
103 |
96 |
Not even I can connect you with customer service. |
1.4675 |
0.02704 |
693 |
458 |
146 |
89 |
97 |
So, you're here to see if you can get the magic back into your relationship. |
1.4669 |
0.02557 |
724 |
467 |
176 |
81 |
98 |
Yes, I'm a white guy in a pointed hat. What's your question? |
1.4653 |
0.02721 |
649 |
422 |
152 |
75 |
99 |
Correct:
Magic is still the only proven method to cancel a Timeshare contract. |
1.4625 |
0.02896 |
640 |
436 |
112 |
92 |
100 |
Some people are drawn to this profession by the wonder of the universe. For me, it was the pointy hat. |
1.4618 |
0.02839 |
602 |
395 |
136 |
71 |
101 |
I've already said "Abracadabra". There's really nothing more I can do. |
1.4618 |
0.02766 |
615 |
399 |
148 |
68 |
102 |
We have a hot defamation suit right now involving a certain former planet suing for damages... I can't name names...but it starts with a P. |
1.4602 |
0.03002 |
502 |
322 |
129 |
51 |
103 |
We offer universal coverage. |
1.4600 |
0.02852 |
587 |
384 |
136 |
67 |
104 |
Yes, I’m an actual financial wizard. |
1.4593 |
0.02757 |
651 |
432 |
139 |
80 |
105 |
I bet you're wondering why I summoned you here today.” |
1.4589 |
0.02928 |
645 |
447 |
100 |
98 |
106 |
Yes we do invest in futures. |
1.4577 |
0.02763 |
627 |
412 |
143 |
72 |
107 |
Good news—we've finally found some properties in your price range. |
1.4576 |
0.02931 |
590 |
396 |
118 |
76 |
108 |
So…am I hearing you say that you need some magic put back in your relationship? |
1.4567 |
0.02616 |
635 |
404 |
172 |
59 |
109 |
Well, I discovered my “gift” during the Covid lockdown. |
1.4545 |
0.02578 |
638 |
404 |
178 |
56 |
110 |
So you want to go to Mars and she wants to go to Venus. |
1.4541 |
0.02773 |
632 |
420 |
137 |
75 |
111 |
We deal with hocus-pocus not hanky-panky. Divorce lawyer is across the hall. |
1.4516 |
0.02840 |
620 |
418 |
124 |
78 |
112 |
I'm not sure why you would question the credibility of our law firm. |
1.4509 |
0.02809 |
621 |
416 |
130 |
75 |
113 |
I don’t believe you understand the gravity of the situation. |
1.4497 |
0.02936 |
547 |
362 |
124 |
61 |
114 |
This is my second calling. In high school, I was a dunce. |
1.4488 |
0.03027 |
557 |
380 |
104 |
73 |
115 |
What exactly do you mean by certified? |
1.4456 |
0.02879 |
570 |
380 |
126 |
64 |
116 |
Welcome to the complaints desk, where all your issues vanish.” |
1.4456 |
0.03079 |
588 |
417 |
80 |
91 |
117 |
I know what you are thinking folks, can we really trust our life savings to a man with a moustache? |
1.4455 |
0.03038 |
541 |
368 |
105 |
68 |
118 |
I know Harry Potter and, believe me, your son is no Harry Potter. |
1.4452 |
0.02850 |
575 |
382 |
130 |
63 |
119 |
Flying monkeys could do your job. |
1.4450 |
0.03222 |
591 |
436 |
47 |
108 |
120 |
I see Alchemy as the golden opportunity. |
1.4426 |
0.03133 |
418 |
267 |
117 |
34 |
121 |
What did you think when Yelp said "Out of this world?" |
1.4424 |
0.03115 |
425 |
272 |
118 |
35 |
122 |
We're a little short-staffed right now. Donald Trump is utilizing most of our people. |
1.4420 |
0.03186 |
500 |
344 |
91 |
65 |
123 |
Excuse me but I'm a financial wizard, not planner. |
1.4412 |
0.03114 |
485 |
325 |
106 |
54 |
124 |
I'm sorry, but 'Abracadabra' won't fix your taxes. |
1.4411 |
0.02849 |
560 |
371 |
131 |
58 |
125 |
Marriage takes work, I can’t just wave a magic wand. |
1.4407 |
0.02974 |
531 |
356 |
116 |
59 |
126 |
How did you expect a financial wizard to dress? |
1.4398 |
0.02898 |
573 |
388 |
118 |
67 |
127 |
No. I don't have the slightest interest in astronomy. Why do you ask? |
1.4382 |
0.02913 |
534 |
355 |
124 |
55 |
128 |
What did you expect a financial wizard to look like? |
1.4381 |
0.02811 |
582 |
389 |
131 |
62 |
129 |
As for your feeling that the entire Universe is against you, it is. |
1.4381 |
0.02921 |
541 |
362 |
121 |
58 |
130 |
So you want the magic back in your marriage? |
1.4378 |
0.02952 |
539 |
363 |
116 |
60 |
131 |
I never said I was a financial wizard |
1.4373 |
0.02932 |
526 |
350 |
122 |
54 |
132 |
As it turns out, rocket science isn't really rocket science. |
1.4367 |
0.02932 |
529 |
353 |
121 |
55 |
133 |
I’m guessing you’ve eliminated all the normal travel planners. |
1.4357 |
0.02914 |
521 |
345 |
125 |
51 |
134 |
For a higher fee, I can tell you something really great about your future. |
1.4355 |
0.03020 |
496 |
331 |
114 |
51 |
135 |
Basically, horoscopes make more sense than tax law. |
1.4355 |
0.03332 |
434 |
296 |
87 |
51 |
136 |
Those aren't posters. They’re windows. |
1.4350 |
0.03100 |
531 |
370 |
91 |
70 |
137 |
I know “financial wizard” gets thrown around a lot, but I think you’ll find I’m the only one with the hat. |
1.4346 |
0.03082 |
497 |
337 |
104 |
56 |
138 |
Now that we’ve discussed the truly grand scale of the cosmos, I hope you can come to appreciate how it is that we lost your son on that field trip |
1.4345 |
0.03012 |
527 |
359 |
107 |
61 |
139 |
All I have left is the disappearing act. You decide who goes |
1.4341 |
0.03304 |
387 |
253 |
100 |
34 |
140 |
Because I outperform the market when I wear it. Next question. |
1.4339 |
0.03143 |
484 |
330 |
98 |
56 |
141 |
Yes, the bill for this consultation will also be astronomical. |
1.4336 |
0.03139 |
482 |
328 |
99 |
55 |
142 |
When the moon is in the seventh house, you should pack up and be out of yours." |
1.4329 |
0.02968 |
492 |
325 |
121 |
46 |
143 |
I'm seeing two options: we sue for the cost of repairing the corner of the shed their tree damaged, or... and this is totally up to you, we melt them with a fireball. |
1.4325 |
0.03298 |
437 |
298 |
89 |
50 |
144 |
The difference between astronomy and astrology is the cap and gown. |
1.4317 |
0.03036 |
498 |
336 |
109 |
53 |
145 |
Your loan application was referred to the Magical Thinking department. |
1.4310 |
0.03135 |
471 |
319 |
101 |
51 |
146 |
I don't solve problems. I make them disappear." |
1.4303 |
0.03026 |
488 |
327 |
112 |
49 |
147 |
As new platinum level members of the Republican Party, you’ll need to be fitted for your robes and hats. |
1.4303 |
0.03151 |
509 |
356 |
87 |
66 |
148 |
You do realize that financial investing is not an exact science? |
1.4300 |
0.03085 |
493 |
336 |
102 |
55 |
149 |
You’re one to talk. Who wears white after Labor Day? |
1.4294 |
0.03117 |
489 |
335 |
98 |
56 |
150 |
It's a quiet neighborhood. But the commute is challenging. |
1.4294 |
0.02923 |
489 |
321 |
126 |
42 |
151 |
So, which one of you was a frog? |
1.4294 |
0.03044 |
496 |
336 |
107 |
53 |
152 |
I’m afraid I’ve made your 401(k) disappear. |
1.4289 |
0.03318 |
436 |
300 |
85 |
51 |
153 |
After I tell you my hourly rate, your intentions to get a divorce will magically disappear |
1.4286 |
0.02969 |
504 |
338 |
116 |
50 |
154 |
Sorry to say that your daughter faces expulsion because of her realistic expectations of our institution. |
1.4283 |
0.02957 |
460 |
299 |
125 |
36 |
155 |
I can help you put the magic back in your marriage. |
1.4265 |
0.03165 |
476 |
328 |
93 |
55 |
156 |
Thanks for choosing TaxWizard. |
1.4259 |
0.02933 |
486 |
321 |
123 |
42 |
157 |
Certified public astrologer. |
1.4259 |
0.03445 |
425 |
299 |
71 |
55 |
158 |
So. Your down payment has disappeared. |
1.4254 |
0.03348 |
362 |
237 |
96 |
29 |
159 |
So you’re looking for more magic in your relationship? |
1.4254 |
0.03087 |
449 |
299 |
109 |
41 |
160 |
Look, I'm just a wizard, not a marriage counselor. |
1.4248 |
0.03207 |
459 |
316 |
91 |
52 |
161 |
First, forget everything you’ve heard about traditional stock analysis. |
1.4233 |
0.03100 |
489 |
337 |
97 |
55 |
162 |
Well if the abracadabra didn't work, I don't know what to tell you. |
1.4230 |
0.03227 |
409 |
273 |
99 |
37 |
163 |
'"dress for the job you want" does sound like something I would have told your son.' |
1.4223 |
0.03140 |
457 |
311 |
99 |
47 |
164 |
I make audits fun for everyone. |
1.4223 |
0.03920 |
296 |
202 |
63 |
31 |
165 |
It's not just OUR bank, the whole banking
industry is going through a change!" |
1.4213 |
0.03138 |
432 |
289 |
104 |
39 |
166 |
You're right Mr. and Mrs. Johnson, as a psychic I should have known not to wear this outfit today. |
1.4205 |
0.03298 |
390 |
261 |
94 |
35 |
167 |
We caught your daughter reading a textbook. |
1.4192 |
0.03565 |
365 |
252 |
73 |
40 |
168 |
For your marriage to work, you must be open to presto chango. |
1.4186 |
0.03077 |
430 |
285 |
110 |
35 |
169 |
Do you like it? It's made of tinfoil. Marjorie Taylor Greene made it for me. |
1.4165 |
0.03364 |
461 |
333 |
64 |
64 |
170 |
I’m not sure you know what a therapist to the stars does |
1.4149 |
0.03351 |
429 |
302 |
76 |
51 |
171 |
How much risk are you willing to take? |
1.4145 |
0.03243 |
415 |
283 |
92 |
40 |
172 |
What in the world brings you in today?” |
1.4144 |
0.03187 |
444 |
306 |
92 |
46 |
173 |
Now, this may sound a little far-fetched. |
1.4141 |
0.03310 |
384 |
259 |
91 |
34 |
174 |
Social Security used to be a dependable source of retirement income, and Pluto used to be a planet. |
1.4135 |
0.03336 |
399 |
274 |
85 |
40 |
175 |
I'm so sorry, but there's just no way to comprehend Trump's mind. |
1.4130 |
0.03557 |
414 |
301 |
55 |
58 |
176 |
Your son is going to be a star. |
1.4121 |
0.03391 |
347 |
231 |
89 |
27 |
177 |
For a donation of $5000 you can take a trip to Mars on an astral plane with Marjorie Taylor Greene. |
1.4115 |
0.03485 |
435 |
318 |
55 |
62 |
178 |
Let's talk about my fee...it will be astronomical. |
1.4103 |
0.03410 |
390 |
271 |
78 |
41 |
179 |
As you see, here at SpaceX, we are completely invested in our mission. |
1.4103 |
0.03450 |
312 |
204 |
88 |
20 |
180 |
Cryptocurrency can be risky, so I’d I suggest balancing out your portfolio with some faerie dust, a treasure map, and a ten percent interest in a unicorn farm. |
1.4097 |
0.03578 |
371 |
262 |
66 |
43 |
181 |
This is where the magic happens. |
1.4091 |
0.03235 |
396 |
268 |
94 |
34 |
182 |
I'm sorry for the misunderstanding but I'm not a financial wizard. |
1.4087 |
0.03234 |
416 |
286 |
90 |
40 |
183 |
It’s a common mistake, we’re the National Astrology and Space Association.” |
1.4084 |
0.03265 |
404 |
277 |
89 |
38 |
184 |
Actually, it is rocket science. |
1.4080 |
0.03384 |
375 |
257 |
83 |
35 |
185 |
Of course I’m a real accountant. What a silly question. |
1.4077 |
0.03245 |
417 |
288 |
88 |
41 |
186 |
So, you want to invest in crypto. |
1.4073 |
0.03332 |
383 |
262 |
86 |
35 |
187 |
In the multiverse, there’s a world where we’re sitting here and I’m telling you that I invested your money wisely and you are now very rich. |
1.4070 |
0.03473 |
371 |
258 |
75 |
38 |
188 |
Let’s try to put the magic back in your relationship. |
1.4069 |
0.03333 |
408 |
285 |
80 |
43 |
189 |
Sure, the stars are in your favor, but there's still no way you're getting that loan. |
1.4065 |
0.03243 |
401 |
274 |
91 |
36 |
190 |
Here at the University of Florida,we have rediscovered recently that the earth is actually flat. |
1.4059 |
0.03502 |
409 |
296 |
60 |
53 |
191 |
I see you paying me, before we begin. |
1.4047 |
0.04563 |
215 |
150 |
43 |
22 |
192 |
Laundry day. |
1.4046 |
0.03677 |
346 |
245 |
62 |
39 |
193 |
We came to you because our finances are literally in a black hole |
1.4043 |
0.03605 |
324 |
222 |
73 |
29 |
194 |
In terms of saving your marriage, I'm a wizard, not a miracle worker. |
1.4027 |
0.03468 |
365 |
254 |
75 |
36 |
195 |
Why would you ask if we're accredited? |
1.4026 |
0.03286 |
390 |
268 |
87 |
35 |
196 |
And that's the magic of compound interest. |
1.4025 |
0.03216 |
395 |
269 |
93 |
33 |
197 |
I can read the stars but most people just have me do their taxes." |
1.4021 |
0.03358 |
388 |
270 |
80 |
38 |
198 |
I’m sorry I can’t help you. I’m a pinball wizard. |
1.4021 |
0.03397 |
388 |
272 |
76 |
40 |
199 |
Have you tried giving each other some space? |
1.4017 |
0.03539 |
361 |
254 |
69 |
38 |
200 |
Fix your relationship? I perform magic, not miracles. |
1.4016 |
0.03510 |
371 |
262 |
69 |
40 |
201 |
Dress for the job you want. |
1.4016 |
0.03402 |
381 |
266 |
77 |
38 |
202 |
I don’t know how to tell you this, but at recess your son pulled a sword out of a stone. |
1.4011 |
0.03717 |
349 |
251 |
56 |
42 |
203 |
Folks, this won't work unless you're serious; I'm a marriage counselor, not a wizard! |
1.4010 |
0.03160 |
394 |
266 |
98 |
30 |
204 |
Trust me. When the magic's gone, it's gone. |
1.4006 |
0.03643 |
347 |
246 |
63 |
38 |
205 |
My personal expertise is in the futures market. |
1.4005 |
0.03261 |
407 |
283 |
85 |
39 |
206 |
How far are you willing to commute? |
1.4000 |
0.03420 |
375 |
262 |
76 |
37 |
207 |
Mercury is in retrograde around 70 days a year. Have you ever considered you're just bad at communicating? |
1.3983 |
0.03462 |
359 |
250 |
75 |
34 |
208 |
I understand everything in the Universe, except women. |
1.3981 |
0.03512 |
427 |
318 |
48 |
61 |
209 |
Yes, we believe our method of picking stocks is unlike anyone else’s. |
1.3969 |
0.03577 |
320 |
220 |
73 |
27 |
210 |
Sometimes couples just need a little space. |
1.3963 |
0.03451 |
376 |
266 |
71 |
39 |
211 |
In light of the recent economic turmoil, the bank has adopted some new methods of interest rate forecasting. |
1.3963 |
0.03368 |
376 |
262 |
79 |
35 |
212 |
How should I know? |
1.3961 |
0.03218 |
414 |
289 |
86 |
39 |
213 |
All signs point to yes. |
1.3960 |
0.04503 |
202 |
139 |
46 |
17 |
214 |
Let’s just say we take an interdisciplinary approach to wealth management here at Kaplan & Monteith. |
1.3957 |
0.03718 |
278 |
188 |
70 |
20 |
215 |
What kind of universal healthcare did you think I meant? |
1.3955 |
0.03630 |
354 |
254 |
60 |
40 |
216 |
'Sorry i can't help this marriage. I am a Wizard, not a magician!" |
1.3943 |
0.03615 |
350 |
250 |
62 |
38 |
217 |
It has come to my attention that your daughter believes in science. |
1.3941 |
0.03669 |
340 |
243 |
60 |
37 |
218 |
Actually, our investment advice has been rated somewhat above the industry average. |
1.3940 |
0.03397 |
368 |
257 |
77 |
34 |
219 |
The bad news is that your signs are incompatible. The good news is that my associate is a lawyer. |
1.3933 |
0.03264 |
389 |
270 |
85 |
34 |
220 |
Before you came in I took the liberty of looking into your future. |
1.3918 |
0.03309 |
388 |
272 |
80 |
36 |
221 |
I'm not your typical sex therapist. |
1.3908 |
0.04016 |
284 |
204 |
49 |
31 |
222 |
I saw your portfolio. I regret to tell you that I'm a financial wizard, not a miracle worker. |
1.3908 |
0.03791 |
325 |
235 |
53 |
37 |
223 |
Sir, your astrology test results are in…
You have Cancer in Uranus |
1.3907 |
0.03600 |
366 |
266 |
57 |
43 |
224 |
Get the magic back? Of course. That's what I do. |
1.3906 |
0.03486 |
361 |
256 |
69 |
36 |
225 |
I'm a financial wizard...sometimes the magic works,sometimes it don't |
1.3905 |
0.03410 |
338 |
232 |
80 |
26 |
226 |
Do I look like I'm not being serious? |
1.3901 |
0.03654 |
323 |
228 |
64 |
31 |
227 |
Here at Cosmos Savings and Loan, we do things a little differently.
For instance, returns on your investments might take thousands of light years. |
1.3891 |
0.03630 |
329 |
233 |
64 |
32 |
228 |
I could just make one of you disappear. |
1.3891 |
0.03553 |
329 |
230 |
70 |
29 |
229 |
Now, some financial advisors will promise you the sun and the moon, but can they really deliver? |
1.3889 |
0.03696 |
342 |
248 |
55 |
39 |
230 |
Per your instructions I invested your retirement savings in futures. |
1.3886 |
0.03587 |
350 |
251 |
62 |
37 |
231 |
No matter how the stars align, you're screwed. |
1.3880 |
0.03863 |
299 |
214 |
54 |
31 |
232 |
Astronomy, astrology…I grant it could have been a clerical error, but the funding came to us and we plan to keep it. |
1.3875 |
0.03556 |
351 |
251 |
64 |
36 |
233 |
Apologies, it’s laundry day. |
1.3872 |
0.03519 |
359 |
257 |
65 |
37 |
234 |
The good news is that you’ll be in an accident next week and none of this will matter |
1.3870 |
0.03677 |
323 |
230 |
61 |
32 |
235 |
Weren't you both here in a previous life? |
1.3867 |
0.03552 |
300 |
205 |
74 |
21 |
236 |
Sorry, but even I can't find you an affordable house. |
1.3861 |
0.03708 |
303 |
213 |
63 |
27 |
237 |
Do I look like I have a crystal ball? |
1.3859 |
0.03456 |
355 |
251 |
71 |
33 |
238 |
Our rates are astronomical |
1.3855 |
0.03480 |
358 |
255 |
68 |
35 |
239 |
Yes, we have a full astrophysics major for your daughter, but I find this outfit really brings the Harry Potter crowd into our introductory classes. |
1.3854 |
0.03618 |
288 |
197 |
71 |
20 |
240 |
Bitcoin, huh? Hold on while I get one of our younger wizards in here. |
1.3851 |
0.03830 |
296 |
211 |
56 |
29 |
241 |
I used to work children’s birthdays, but marital strife pays better. |
1.3851 |
0.03736 |
322 |
232 |
56 |
34 |
242 |
I mean really, do you think those fancy Wall Street types do it any differently? |
1.3846 |
0.03772 |
299 |
212 |
59 |
28 |
243 |
You see, when the Moon is in the seventh house and Jupiter aligns with Mars… |
1.3846 |
0.03606 |
325 |
230 |
65 |
30 |
244 |
The zodiac reassignment therapy might be difficult, but it's definitely worth it. |
1.3846 |
0.03632 |
325 |
231 |
63 |
31 |
245 |
It sounds like you both need some space. |
1.3841 |
0.03715 |
302 |
213 |
62 |
27 |
246 |
It'll be an extra $50 if you want the marriage dissolved into actual dust. |
1.3839 |
0.03644 |
336 |
242 |
59 |
35 |
247 |
I’m afraid your tax refund is in retrograde. |
1.3835 |
0.03357 |
352 |
245 |
79 |
28 |
248 |
I'm required to tell you that this method of financial planning is somewhat unorthodox. |
1.3832 |
0.03690 |
321 |
230 |
59 |
32 |
249 |
So, do I hear you'd like to be realigned? |
1.3832 |
0.03416 |
321 |
220 |
79 |
22 |
250 |
I wear it once in a blue moon. |
1.3829 |
0.04140 |
269 |
196 |
43 |
30 |
251 |
No, I'm an economist. |
1.3827 |
0.03818 |
324 |
238 |
48 |
38 |
252 |
Let's just say your portfolio's in retrograde." |
1.3825 |
0.03422 |
366 |
261 |
70 |
35 |
253 |
May I suggest you try couple‘s therapy first? |
1.3821 |
0.03397 |
335 |
232 |
78 |
25 |
254 |
Don’t feel too bad; many first-time home buyers are being priced outside the asteroid beltway. |
1.3820 |
0.03574 |
322 |
227 |
67 |
28 |
255 |
So, you're probably wondering why I'm wearing a tie. |
1.3819 |
0.03821 |
309 |
224 |
52 |
33 |
256 |
We are big proponents of universal health care. |
1.3813 |
0.03647 |
299 |
209 |
66 |
24 |
257 |
My fees are astronomical. |
1.3811 |
0.03732 |
328 |
239 |
53 |
36 |
258 |
The secrets of the universe I can tell you, sir, but no, I cannot tell you what women want. |
1.3807 |
0.03631 |
331 |
238 |
60 |
33 |
259 |
Your mortgage approval is still light years away. |
1.3802 |
0.03756 |
313 |
226 |
55 |
32 |
260 |
Let me tell you about our Expanded Life Care program. |
1.3800 |
0.03637 |
300 |
210 |
66 |
24 |
261 |
Business has been booming ever since Warren Buffett said that 'the only value of stock forecasters is to make fortune tellers look good.' " |
1.3799 |
0.03820 |
329 |
244 |
45 |
40 |
262 |
If payment is an issue, I can refer you to a really reputable alchemist. |
1.3799 |
0.03596 |
329 |
235 |
63 |
31 |
263 |
Robert is very gifted, but he's got to stop turning the other students into frogs. |
1.3797 |
0.03620 |
316 |
224 |
64 |
28 |
264 |
Your son’s in retrograde. |
1.3787 |
0.03293 |
338 |
232 |
84 |
22 |
265 |
So what you are saying is that bribery did not work and now, you would like try magic for your child’s college admission” |
1.3784 |
0.03763 |
296 |
211 |
58 |
27 |
266 |
The stars are telling me it’s terminal. Well, the stars and the MRI. |
1.3781 |
0.03950 |
283 |
205 |
49 |
29 |
267 |
If I had a magic wand, do you think I'd be here? |
1.3778 |
0.03816 |
315 |
231 |
49 |
35 |
268 |
We need to talk about your daughter's retrogrades. |
1.3774 |
0.03934 |
265 |
188 |
54 |
23 |
269 |
Your daughter has started identifying as a Leo. |
1.3769 |
0.04077 |
268 |
195 |
45 |
28 |
270 |
Look I’m a magician not a marriage counselor. |
1.3764 |
0.03497 |
348 |
250 |
65 |
33 |
271 |
And that folks, is the magic of compound interest. |
1.3764 |
0.03870 |
271 |
192 |
56 |
23 |
272 |
I'm afraid which of you shall control the remote is beyond my powers. |
1.3758 |
0.03671 |
306 |
218 |
61 |
27 |
273 |
Full disclosure- I’m still an Apprentice |
1.3758 |
0.03582 |
306 |
215 |
67 |
24 |
274 |
So what you're saying is, you need more space? |
1.3750 |
0.03746 |
304 |
219 |
56 |
29 |
275 |
Let me guess...you promised her the moon. |
1.3746 |
0.03867 |
291 |
211 |
51 |
29 |
276 |
Well, Neil deGrasse Tyson has really raised the bar on flair for us astronomers. |
1.3742 |
0.03453 |
326 |
229 |
72 |
25 |
277 |
Our market prediction methods are lightyears ahead of the rest. |
1.3741 |
0.03522 |
294 |
203 |
72 |
19 |
278 |
Come on, sit for a spell. |
1.3740 |
0.04107 |
262 |
191 |
44 |
27 |
279 |
So, you're wanting to recapture some of the magic from when you first met, yes? |
1.3738 |
0.03406 |
313 |
216 |
77 |
20 |
280 |
There is still a small group of us here at NASA who question science. |
1.3726 |
0.04094 |
263 |
192 |
44 |
27 |
281 |
I think you both just need a little space. |
1.3720 |
0.03783 |
293 |
211 |
55 |
27 |
282 |
Why, yes, I am a certified financial planner. |
1.3712 |
0.03787 |
299 |
217 |
53 |
29 |
283 |
Gwyneth Paltrow clears everything with me. |
1.3711 |
0.03782 |
318 |
235 |
48 |
35 |
284 |
So I hear you are interested in cryptocurrency. |
1.3704 |
0.03652 |
297 |
211 |
62 |
24 |
285 |
For full disclosure, I'm just an apprentice. |
1.3682 |
0.03696 |
277 |
195 |
62 |
20 |
286 |
On the positive side, raising a frog is going to be way less expensive than a child. |
1.3682 |
0.03936 |
277 |
202 |
48 |
27 |
287 |
No, seriously, I'm not THAT Grand Wizard. |
1.3681 |
0.03654 |
307 |
221 |
59 |
27 |
288 |
So what brings you to cosmic uncoupling? |
1.3678 |
0.03634 |
329 |
241 |
55 |
33 |
289 |
I think you two need some space. |
1.3677 |
0.03797 |
291 |
211 |
53 |
27 |
290 |
Wait, you came here thinking you could hire me to do a child’s birthday party? I’m a certified astrologer…
Ok, what does it pay? |
1.3676 |
0.03372 |
340 |
241 |
73 |
26 |
291 |
As you can see, this is where the magic happens |
1.3671 |
0.03714 |
286 |
204 |
59 |
23 |
292 |
Mr and Mrs Stevens, I'm not a magician. |
1.3669 |
0.04152 |
248 |
181 |
43 |
24 |
293 |
Past prophesies are not indicative of future results. |
1.3665 |
0.03584 |
322 |
233 |
60 |
29 |
294 |
My approach to stock-picking is a bit unorthodox. |
1.3664 |
0.03915 |
262 |
188 |
52 |
22 |
295 |
Sky’s the limit. |
1.3657 |
0.03605 |
309 |
222 |
61 |
26 |
296 |
Do I have to spell it out for you? |
1.3655 |
0.04017 |
290 |
218 |
38 |
34 |
297 |
Even with Jupiter in retrograde, Carl’s still failing science. |
1.3649 |
0.03819 |
285 |
207 |
52 |
26 |
298 |
I'm afraid that a new mortgage is just not in the stars for you at this time. |
1.3643 |
0.03917 |
258 |
185 |
52 |
21 |
299 |
And while time may be an illusion, I charge $350 an hour for that illusion. |
1.3643 |
0.03801 |
280 |
202 |
54 |
24 |
300 |
Well, we can’t actually guarantee a safe return. |
1.3643 |
0.03698 |
291 |
209 |
58 |
24 |
301 |
The good news is the baby’s perfectly healthy. The bad news she is an Aries sun, Leo moon, Sagittarius rising. |
1.3643 |
0.03761 |
291 |
211 |
54 |
26 |
302 |
As your investment advisor, I must warn you that we are entering the Age of Uncertainty. |
1.3642 |
0.03456 |
324 |
231 |
68 |
25 |
303 |
Now i understand your'e looking for a small planet to call home? |
1.3636 |
0.03927 |
264 |
191 |
50 |
23 |
304 |
I recommend weekly spell checks. |
1.3636 |
0.03739 |
264 |
186 |
60 |
18 |
305 |
So tell me again, who wants whom to disappear? |
1.3628 |
0.03425 |
328 |
234 |
69 |
25 |
306 |
So the magic has gone out of your relationship? |
1.3624 |
0.03816 |
298 |
220 |
48 |
30 |
307 |
I'm afraid your son has violated the school dress code. |
1.3619 |
0.04194 |
268 |
203 |
33 |
32 |
308 |
The first session is free. Subsequent sessions are, frankly, astronomical. |
1.3605 |
0.03988 |
258 |
188 |
47 |
23 |
309 |
No planets on the market for that price. Have you considered renting a moon? |
1.3595 |
0.03563 |
306 |
220 |
62 |
24 |
310 |
Oh no, I'm so sorry, I'm a 'mirage' counselor. |
1.3587 |
0.04341 |
223 |
164 |
38 |
21 |
311 |
Let me tell you more about universal life insurance. |
1.3586 |
0.03699 |
290 |
210 |
56 |
24 |
312 |
Just some of my vacation pictures. |
1.3584 |
0.03936 |
279 |
207 |
44 |
28 |
313 |
So, I gather you have lost the magic in your relationship.” |
1.3583 |
0.04031 |
240 |
173 |
48 |
19 |
314 |
Sorry, I can't just wave a magic wand. |
1.3582 |
0.03905 |
282 |
209 |
45 |
28 |
315 |
You're probably wondering why I'm wearing these silly glasses. |
1.3579 |
0.03665 |
271 |
192 |
61 |
18 |
316 |
The good news is, your relationship will last until the end of time. The bad news is, the end of time is next month. |
1.3579 |
0.04088 |
271 |
204 |
37 |
30 |
317 |
I am obligated to tell you up front that I am not a typical financial planner. |
1.3576 |
0.03651 |
288 |
207 |
59 |
22 |
318 |
We just need him to stop turning the teachers into toads. |
1.3571 |
0.04052 |
252 |
185 |
44 |
23 |
319 |
If your three wishes are life insurance, tax consulting, and portfolio management, you've come to the right place. |
1.3571 |
0.03891 |
280 |
207 |
46 |
27 |
320 |
Those are windows, not pictures. |
1.3568 |
0.04102 |
241 |
176 |
44 |
21 |
321 |
We take a unique approach to providing universal health care. |
1.3566 |
0.03799 |
272 |
197 |
53 |
22 |
322 |
What do you think I am, a financial wizard? |
1.3556 |
0.03684 |
284 |
205 |
57 |
22 |
323 |
You realize, of course, that I can't promise you the moon. |
1.3554 |
0.03820 |
287 |
212 |
48 |
27 |
324 |
There is no planetary alignment that gets you a refund this year. |
1.3553 |
0.04221 |
228 |
167 |
41 |
20 |
325 |
Yes, our investment strategy is tied to moon phases - but it's safer than Crypto. |
1.3550 |
0.04118 |
262 |
197 |
37 |
28 |
326 |
I dress the job I want, not the job I have. |
1.3547 |
0.03977 |
265 |
196 |
44 |
25 |
327 |
Your issue is well known: you are from Mars and she is from Venus |
1.3543 |
0.03589 |
302 |
219 |
59 |
24 |
328 |
I have a great couples retreat in Sagittarius. |
1.3537 |
0.03333 |
311 |
219 |
74 |
18 |
329 |
Ha! You think the distance between you is big? |
1.3532 |
0.04002 |
269 |
201 |
41 |
27 |
330 |
And for an additional fee, you can take a moonbeam home in a jar. |
1.3527 |
0.03970 |
275 |
206 |
41 |
28 |
331 |
I started out as a meteorologist but found it too unpredictable. |
1.3525 |
0.04091 |
261 |
196 |
38 |
27 |
332 |
I won't charge you for this session. My Magic 8 Ball is in the shop. |
1.3524 |
0.03934 |
210 |
146 |
54 |
10 |
333 |
I thought it was appropriate that I dress this way considering what you are asking me to do with your tax return this year. |
1.3519 |
0.03750 |
287 |
211 |
51 |
25 |
334 |
As your lawyer, I’d say our chances of winning are astronomical. |
1.3516 |
0.03783 |
273 |
199 |
52 |
22 |
335 |
You say that, but no one ever appreciates magic insurance until they need it. |
1.3515 |
0.04032 |
239 |
174 |
46 |
19 |
336 |
You want affordable housing...and in this galaxy? |
1.3514 |
0.03682 |
276 |
199 |
57 |
20 |
337 |
Do you need me to spell it out for you? |
1.3511 |
0.03764 |
282 |
207 |
51 |
24 |
338 |
Good news. Your loan will be approved when the moon is in the 7th house and Jupiter aligns with Mars. |
1.3509 |
0.03750 |
265 |
191 |
55 |
19 |
339 |
Well, yes, Hogwarts was my first choice, but I'm very happy here. |
1.3509 |
0.03735 |
285 |
209 |
52 |
24 |
340 |
That is correct... I am a financial wizard |
1.3504 |
0.03980 |
254 |
187 |
45 |
22 |
341 |
Whatever you might have read, let me assure you right now there's nothing speculative about cryptocurrency. |
1.3500 |
0.04026 |
260 |
194 |
41 |
25 |
342 |
The universe is saying divorce. |
1.3500 |
0.03989 |
260 |
193 |
43 |
24 |
343 |
Crazy isn't just for politicians anymore. |
1.3498 |
0.04233 |
223 |
164 |
40 |
19 |
344 |
Of course, past performance is no guarantee of future results. |
1.3496 |
0.03813 |
266 |
194 |
51 |
21 |
345 |
Space tourism is now safer than driving |
1.3496 |
0.03820 |
246 |
176 |
54 |
16 |
346 |
Relevant background and experience? Undoubtedly my tenure as chairman of the Federal Reserve |
1.3491 |
0.04490 |
212 |
159 |
32 |
21 |
347 |
Based on my readings, I’ve no idea how you two stayed married for this long. |
1.3490 |
0.03928 |
255 |
187 |
47 |
21 |
348 |
Unfortunately due to the space-time continuum, this therapy session was up before you arrived. |
1.3489 |
0.04378 |
235 |
179 |
30 |
26 |
349 |
Your son is not space cadet material. |
1.3488 |
0.03895 |
258 |
189 |
48 |
21 |
350 |
And I always have my spell checker turned on. |
1.3484 |
0.04354 |
221 |
165 |
35 |
21 |
351 |
Now, when you say you want an "out of this world" trip... |
1.3482 |
0.04023 |
224 |
161 |
48 |
15 |
352 |
As to your daughter's final project, gravity isn't magic. |
1.3478 |
0.03827 |
253 |
183 |
52 |
18 |
353 |
I hear you’re looking for something spacious. |
1.3478 |
0.03988 |
253 |
187 |
44 |
22 |
354 |
We believe that celestial alignment is far and away the best predictor of high yields |
1.3478 |
0.04183 |
230 |
170 |
40 |
20 |
355 |
This may surprise you, but I'm not your typical travel agent. |
1.3477 |
0.03714 |
256 |
183 |
57 |
16 |
356 |
I am going to lay my cards on the table. |
1.3468 |
0.04194 |
222 |
163 |
41 |
18 |
357 |
You see, they thought a wizard teaching the natural sciences might get the 5th graders more engaged. |
1.3466 |
0.03720 |
251 |
179 |
57 |
15 |
358 |
I can predict your future. I can't fix your past. |
1.3465 |
0.03971 |
228 |
164 |
49 |
15 |
359 |
I'd love to help you, but my staff is on vacation. |
1.3465 |
0.04312 |
254 |
197 |
26 |
31 |
360 |
You realize, of course, that a rent-controlled apartment on the Upper East Side will require an agreement to sell your soul to Satan? |
1.3457 |
0.04479 |
188 |
137 |
37 |
14 |
361 |
If you're not interested in our Mars package, how about a bus trip to Poughkeepsie? |
1.3455 |
0.04186 |
246 |
186 |
35 |
25 |
362 |
Before we begin, I'll need your signs. |
1.3453 |
0.03510 |
278 |
198 |
64 |
16 |
363 |
So when people say the magic has gone out of their relationship, it's not a literal thing. |
1.3448 |
0.03825 |
232 |
165 |
54 |
13 |
364 |
Although our motto is “We make the impossible possible!” - trying to get Mr. Trump to tell the truth is beyond the capabilities of even our most talented magician! |
1.3448 |
0.03870 |
290 |
220 |
40 |
30 |
365 |
I’m a financial wizard, not an astrologer. |
1.3448 |
0.04016 |
232 |
169 |
46 |
17 |
366 |
Well, yes, that's been known to happen...but only once in a blue moon. |
1.3447 |
0.04025 |
235 |
172 |
45 |
18 |
367 |
Believe me when I tell you, the magic is gone. |
1.3443 |
0.03772 |
273 |
201 |
50 |
22 |
368 |
It's a common question, but yes, you are also married in any parallel universes. |
1.3433 |
0.04152 |
201 |
144 |
45 |
12 |
369 |
It depends on how you define a " long commute. |
1.3432 |
0.04099 |
236 |
175 |
41 |
20 |
370 |
Science is just magic you can major in. |
1.3430 |
0.04508 |
207 |
156 |
31 |
20 |
371 |
Peace will guide the planets. Love will steer the stars. Trust me on this. |
1.3430 |
0.03983 |
242 |
178 |
45 |
19 |
372 |
To be honest, I'm pretty sure your son is the first student ever to flunk out of astrology college. |
1.3429 |
0.04074 |
245 |
183 |
40 |
22 |
373 |
I'll never understand why everyone walks in here expecting miracles! |
1.3425 |
0.03889 |
254 |
187 |
47 |
20 |
374 |
I'm not a lawyer, but I can summon a demon to do your will. |
1.3421 |
0.04154 |
228 |
169 |
40 |
19 |
375 |
Your money isn't really gone, it's just on a different astral plane. |
1.3420 |
0.04206 |
231 |
173 |
37 |
21 |
376 |
I can't offer the moon or stars, but I do have a few planets in your price range... |
1.3418 |
0.03641 |
275 |
200 |
56 |
19 |
377 |
Well, I say a lot of funeral directors just don’t have my pizazz. |
1.3418 |
0.04128 |
237 |
177 |
39 |
21 |
378 |
I regret to inform you that all of your funds at Merlin Investments have magically disappeared. |
1.3417 |
0.03826 |
240 |
173 |
52 |
15 |
379 |
I failed out of Sorcery so I switched to Accounting. |
1.3416 |
0.04137 |
243 |
183 |
37 |
23 |
380 |
What do you think, is the hat too much? |
1.3413 |
0.04331 |
208 |
154 |
37 |
17 |
381 |
Unfortunately The Age of Aquarius Package is No Longer Available! |
1.3413 |
0.04331 |
208 |
154 |
37 |
17 |
382 |
Yes, I can help you restore the magic in your relationship. |
1.3413 |
0.03827 |
252 |
184 |
50 |
18 |
383 |
So you are interested in a time share, far far away? |
1.3413 |
0.03989 |
252 |
188 |
42 |
22 |
384 |
Harvard, actually; why do you ask? |
1.3412 |
0.04339 |
211 |
157 |
36 |
18 |
385 |
And how long ago did the magic disappear? |
1.3404 |
0.04195 |
235 |
177 |
36 |
22 |
386 |
The costume is just to give me credibility. |
1.3396 |
0.03814 |
268 |
199 |
47 |
22 |
387 |
Yes, Earth is for sale but I would invest in something a little more stable. |
1.3395 |
0.03748 |
271 |
200 |
50 |
21 |
388 |
We at Fly, Bye & Knight recommend a balanced blend of investments that include crypto currency and NFTs. All well researhed by a large bank of Ouija boards and dart boards. |
1.3391 |
0.04077 |
230 |
170 |
42 |
18 |
389 |
Let me get this right...you knew he was a Capricorn and you knew she was an Aries and you still got married? |
1.3391 |
0.03983 |
230 |
168 |
46 |
16 |
390 |
Let me stop you right there… I’m a Certified Planetary Astrologer, not an accountant |
1.3391 |
0.04040 |
233 |
172 |
43 |
18 |
391 |
Today we’ll see if we can find that old black magic call love. |
1.3388 |
0.04148 |
245 |
186 |
35 |
24 |
392 |
This isn't your father's Witness Protection Program. |
1.3386 |
0.03916 |
251 |
186 |
45 |
20 |
393 |
We're concerned your child is too down to earth. |
1.3384 |
0.04246 |
198 |
144 |
41 |
13 |
394 |
Plan for death and taxes. |
1.3380 |
0.04001 |
216 |
156 |
47 |
13 |
395 |
As you can see, we’re not a traditional law firm. |
1.3380 |
0.04054 |
216 |
157 |
45 |
14 |
396 |
I'd like to help you, but it's not like I can just wave a magic wand. |
1.3377 |
0.04147 |
228 |
170 |
39 |
19 |
397 |
If you’re looking for astronomical returns, you’ve come to the right place. |
1.3376 |
0.04159 |
234 |
176 |
37 |
21 |
398 |
I can't promise you the moon, but I do try to move Heaven and Earth for my clients. |
1.3376 |
0.04033 |
237 |
176 |
42 |
19 |
399 |
60% stocks, 30% bonds, 10% eye of newt. |
1.3374 |
0.03962 |
243 |
180 |
44 |
19 |
400 |
In what universe do you think your marriage could be saved? |
1.3373 |
0.04097 |
249 |
189 |
36 |
24 |
401 |
I'm afraid there's no magic solution to your marital problems. |
1.3372 |
0.03758 |
258 |
189 |
51 |
18 |
402 |
I'm sorry we're out of network for your insurance |
1.3363 |
0.04064 |
223 |
164 |
43 |
16 |
403 |
When the moon is in the seventh house, and Jupiter aligns with Mars. That will be $200 |
1.3363 |
0.03964 |
223 |
162 |
47 |
14 |
404 |
I’m afraid it’s Cancer. |
1.3362 |
0.04093 |
232 |
173 |
40 |
19 |
405 |
I, of course, know exactly why you're here, but, in your own words, why don't you tell me exactly why you're here. |
1.3349 |
0.04277 |
218 |
164 |
35 |
19 |
406 |
Nobody really knows how the market works anyway. |
1.3347 |
0.03951 |
236 |
174 |
45 |
17 |
407 |
I can tell the magic is gone. |
1.3333 |
0.04109 |
207 |
151 |
43 |
13 |
408 |
Time and space appear to be turning inward, so if you book now, there's a chance you might escape climate change and outstanding parking violations. |
1.3333 |
0.03748 |
246 |
179 |
52 |
15 |
409 |
I know you were hoping for a tax refund this year but I’m a wizard, not a magician. |
1.3333 |
0.04244 |
213 |
159 |
37 |
17 |
410 |
Yes I am Donald Trump’s tax accountant. Why do you ask? |
1.3333 |
0.04134 |
255 |
197 |
31 |
27 |
411 |
I don’t see me giving you your money back in the future. |
1.3333 |
0.04451 |
192 |
143 |
34 |
15 |
412 |
Was there something in particular you didn’t like about our investment strategies? |
1.3321 |
0.03681 |
265 |
195 |
52 |
18 |
413 |
Once a light year you’ll get to choose a week from any of our luxury properties. |
1.3320 |
0.03865 |
247 |
183 |
46 |
18 |
414 |
They say 'Dress for the job you want.' |
1.3319 |
0.04018 |
226 |
167 |
43 |
16 |
415 |
We specialize in guiding our clients through the enchanted forest of arcane tax deductions. |
1.3319 |
0.04067 |
226 |
168 |
41 |
17 |
416 |
Standard package is two spells. Gold package includes a full blown curse. |
1.3318 |
0.04175 |
214 |
159 |
39 |
16 |
417 |
It's couples therapy. It's not magic. |
1.3317 |
0.04175 |
202 |
148 |
41 |
13 |
418 |
For a small fee, I will reveal the mysteries of white privilege. |
1.3315 |
0.04572 |
181 |
135 |
32 |
14 |
419 |
And poof! Your investment accounts have disappeared. |
1.3308 |
0.03845 |
260 |
195 |
44 |
21 |
420 |
My hourly rate is astronomical. |
1.3306 |
0.03919 |
242 |
180 |
44 |
18 |
421 |
I have an amazing timeshare opportunity that’s out of this world, but you have to act now. |
1.3304 |
0.04108 |
230 |
173 |
38 |
19 |
422 |
Let's begin by acknowledging that, in galactic years, you've been waiting for racial justice for less than a day. |
1.3303 |
0.04318 |
218 |
166 |
32 |
20 |
423 |
I'm a tax wizard yes, but for an audit you need a miracle. |
1.3303 |
0.04318 |
218 |
166 |
32 |
20 |
424 |
I'm licensed in three galaxies, just not this one. |
1.3303 |
0.04118 |
218 |
162 |
40 |
16 |
425 |
Sorry, I spaced out there for a sec. |
1.3302 |
0.03998 |
215 |
157 |
45 |
13 |
426 |
Have you invested in crypto before? |
1.3302 |
0.04092 |
212 |
156 |
42 |
14 |
427 |
You will definitely want travel insurance. |
1.3302 |
0.04037 |
212 |
155 |
44 |
13 |
428 |
It's a very exact science |
1.3291 |
0.03883 |
237 |
175 |
46 |
16 |
429 |
It seems like you both need space. |
1.3290 |
0.03952 |
231 |
171 |
44 |
16 |
430 |
I'll try my best to get you that loan, but it's not like I can work magic here. |
1.3286 |
0.04021 |
213 |
156 |
44 |
13 |
431 |
It's pronounced Uranus. |
1.3285 |
0.04268 |
207 |
155 |
36 |
16 |
432 |
I'm filling in for the Doctor today. |
1.3280 |
0.04553 |
189 |
143 |
30 |
16 |
433 |
And of course your deposits are 100% safe. |
1.3278 |
0.03925 |
241 |
180 |
43 |
18 |
434 |
The planets may be aligned, but your marriage is not. |
1.3278 |
0.03881 |
241 |
179 |
45 |
17 |
435 |
I lost a bet. |
1.3277 |
0.04568 |
177 |
132 |
32 |
13 |
436 |
Who do you think the banks,hedge funds,and financial analysts turn to when they are having trouble figuring out the stock market? |
1.3274 |
0.04107 |
226 |
170 |
38 |
18 |
437 |
Using the new Webb telescope we’ve added thousands of new destinations. |
1.3274 |
0.03997 |
223 |
165 |
43 |
15 |
438 |
No, Mr. Johnson, you can't blame your marital problems on our wife being from Venus. That's not a thing. |
1.3274 |
0.03946 |
223 |
164 |
45 |
14 |
439 |
And what makes you think I'm not realistic |
1.3273 |
0.04236 |
220 |
167 |
34 |
19 |
440 |
Which would you rather hear the stars are not aligning in your favor or the shits about to hit the fan? |
1.3263 |
0.04244 |
236 |
183 |
29 |
24 |
441 |
'Every relationship needs space...' |
1.3262 |
0.04392 |
187 |
139 |
35 |
13 |
442 |
You’d be amazed at the opportunities in the pinball industry. |
1.3261 |
0.04325 |
230 |
179 |
27 |
24 |
443 |
I use magic. It's less invasive than a colonoscopy. |
1.3260 |
0.04186 |
227 |
173 |
34 |
20 |
444 |
The fault is not in your stars,
but in yourselves. |
1.3258 |
0.04219 |
221 |
168 |
34 |
19 |
445 |
You say astronomy, I say astrology... |
1.3256 |
0.03698 |
258 |
191 |
50 |
17 |
446 |
Your child is excellent at spelling. |
1.3253 |
0.03915 |
249 |
188 |
41 |
20 |
447 |
You want a house with lots of space on YOUR budget! What do I look like, a magician? |
1.3251 |
0.04264 |
203 |
152 |
36 |
15 |
448 |
I can't promise you'll be happy, but I can make your problem disappear. |
1.3249 |
0.04143 |
237 |
182 |
33 |
22 |
449 |
I can assure you the itineraries for interplanetary travel are stellar. The prices are astronomical too. |
1.3248 |
0.03909 |
234 |
174 |
44 |
16 |
450 |
Men are from Mars; women are from Venus. Apart from that, I've got nothing. |
1.3244 |
0.04017 |
225 |
168 |
41 |
16 |
451 |
Actually, the fault does lie in yourselves. |
1.3241 |
0.04133 |
216 |
162 |
38 |
16 |
452 |
Gregorian or Julian Calendar? |
1.3238 |
0.04106 |
210 |
156 |
40 |
14 |
453 |
I have to warn you, my fees are astronomical. |
1.3234 |
0.04404 |
201 |
153 |
31 |
17 |
454 |
As your financial advisor, I want you to to feel assured that your money will be invested based upon sound judgement! |
1.3231 |
0.04260 |
195 |
145 |
37 |
13 |
455 |
I’m not a miracle worker |
1.3228 |
0.04287 |
189 |
140 |
37 |
12 |
456 |
What leads you to believe my counseling fees would be astronomical? |
1.3227 |
0.04077 |
220 |
165 |
39 |
16 |
457 |
Now that I have your attention, I'd like to tell you about an incredible business opportunity that a lot of smart people are talking about. |
1.3223 |
0.04198 |
211 |
159 |
36 |
16 |
458 |
So the magic has died? |
1.3219 |
0.03915 |
233 |
174 |
43 |
16 |
459 |
Trust me. I'm an economist. |
1.3218 |
0.04329 |
202 |
153 |
33 |
16 |
460 |
You promised her the moon. We’re here to deliver. |
1.3217 |
0.03853 |
230 |
170 |
46 |
14 |
461 |
Sorry. I am a wizard, but not a financial one. |
1.3217 |
0.03803 |
230 |
169 |
48 |
13 |
462 |
No, I don’t know why you’re here today. |
1.3214 |
0.04539 |
196 |
151 |
27 |
18 |
463 |
We have beautiful quarter-acre lots to offer you, with breathtaking views. |
1.3214 |
0.04363 |
196 |
148 |
33 |
15 |
464 |
Our mortgage rates have gotten quite astronomical. |
1.3214 |
0.04073 |
224 |
169 |
38 |
17 |
465 |
My prediction is that your bank account will be emptied within the month |
1.3211 |
0.04460 |
190 |
144 |
31 |
15 |
466 |
I'm afraid your son has gone retrograde. |
1.3211 |
0.04136 |
190 |
139 |
41 |
10 |
467 |
Other brokers will tell you they don’t have a crystal ball. |
1.3208 |
0.03699 |
265 |
199 |
47 |
19 |
468 |
This would be more of an apprenticeship. |
1.3205 |
0.03505 |
234 |
167 |
59 |
8 |
469 |
Your child is struggling to spell. |
1.3204 |
0.04096 |
206 |
153 |
40 |
13 |
470 |
So it seems like you need a little space. |
1.3200 |
0.03958 |
225 |
168 |
42 |
15 |
471 |
So I understand that you two have tried everything. |
1.3198 |
0.03943 |
222 |
165 |
43 |
14 |
472 |
Can I save your marriage? I'm a wizard, not a magician! |
1.3198 |
0.04145 |
222 |
169 |
35 |
18 |
473 |
I can get you a ring with a view on Saturn |
1.3198 |
0.04494 |
172 |
128 |
33 |
11 |
474 |
My advice - go all in on brooms. |
1.3198 |
0.04716 |
172 |
131 |
27 |
14 |
475 |
Yes, this couple therapy is based on the fact that men come literally from Mars and women from Venus. |
1.3197 |
0.04004 |
244 |
187 |
36 |
21 |
476 |
So, you’ve lost the magic? |
1.3196 |
0.04084 |
219 |
165 |
38 |
16 |
477 |
So youd like a 30 year mortgage, but you’re a Taurus and Virgo? Let’s look at 6 month CDs instead… |
1.3196 |
0.04284 |
219 |
169 |
30 |
20 |
478 |
Wealth is an illusion. As your financial wizard, I can help you realize your illusionary retirement. |
1.3196 |
0.04628 |
194 |
151 |
24 |
19 |
479 |
You say abracadabra didn’t work? |
1.3196 |
0.04451 |
194 |
148 |
30 |
16 |
480 |
Your investments are in retrograde. |
1.3191 |
0.04361 |
188 |
141 |
34 |
13 |
481 |
We need you to stop telling your son that the world revolves around him. |
1.3190 |
0.03825 |
232 |
172 |
46 |
14 |
482 |
We'll just need your W-2 and your exact time of birth to get started. |
1.3184 |
0.04279 |
201 |
152 |
34 |
15 |
483 |
Let’s be honest. Hogwarts is not a realistic goal for Franklin. |
1.3184 |
0.03979 |
223 |
167 |
41 |
15 |
484 |
Let's talk about why your son is spacing out in class. |
1.3179 |
0.04547 |
173 |
130 |
31 |
12 |
485 |
As your lawyer, I have to tell you it’s against the law. But as your astrologer, I also have to tell you it’s against the law. |
1.3179 |
0.04763 |
173 |
133 |
25 |
15 |
486 |
Have I got a spell for you! |
1.3179 |
0.04692 |
173 |
132 |
27 |
14 |
487 |
So in round figures, just how much magic would you like back in your marriage? |
1.3179 |
0.04547 |
173 |
130 |
31 |
12 |
488 |
Help you figure out health plans? I'm a wizard not a miracle worker!" |
1.3176 |
0.04181 |
233 |
181 |
30 |
22 |
489 |
Yes, unlike traditional financial planning firms, we specialize in Crypto. |
1.3175 |
0.04142 |
189 |
139 |
40 |
10 |
490 |
It’s a timeshare on a galaxy That is really not that far away. |
1.3175 |
0.04405 |
189 |
143 |
32 |
14 |
491 |
You wished upon a star, but did you read the fine print? |
1.3171 |
0.03924 |
205 |
150 |
45 |
10 |
492 |
I only work Magic. Miracles are another department. |
1.3167 |
0.04052 |
221 |
167 |
38 |
16 |
493 |
There are only two signs in the Zodiac. Leos, and those that wish they were. |
1.3164 |
0.04613 |
177 |
135 |
28 |
14 |
494 |
There are no quick fixes, but there IS a magical solution |
1.3163 |
0.04040 |
196 |
144 |
42 |
10 |
495 |
I was always told to dress for the job that I want. |
1.3163 |
0.04077 |
215 |
162 |
38 |
15 |
496 |
The fault is not in not in your stars, but in yourselves. |
1.3153 |
0.04185 |
203 |
153 |
36 |
14 |
497 |
I am assuming you’ve tried marriage counseling, right? |
1.3152 |
0.05072 |
165 |
130 |
18 |
17 |
498 |
I think you misinterpreted my “bring the magic back into your relationship” ad. |
1.3150 |
0.04228 |
200 |
151 |
35 |
14 |
499 |
Im a magician not a marriage counselor. |
1.3150 |
0.04168 |
200 |
150 |
37 |
13 |
500 |
It's not rocket science |
1.3148 |
0.04217 |
216 |
166 |
32 |
18 |
501 |
And you're here to see me because, because, because, because, because, because of the wonderful things I do? |
1.3146 |
0.04520 |
178 |
135 |
30 |
13 |
502 |
I'm not sure why you keep asking, but yes, I am a Certified Financial Planner. |
1.3143 |
0.04141 |
210 |
159 |
36 |
15 |
503 |
Never daydreaming, always paying attention. You're child is just too grounded for this academy. |
1.3141 |
0.04237 |
191 |
143 |
36 |
12 |
504 |
Speaking as your attorney, I'd advise you to get another attorney. |
1.3140 |
0.04293 |
207 |
159 |
31 |
17 |
505 |
Astrologer and Financial Advisor have more in common than you think. |
1.3135 |
0.04330 |
185 |
139 |
34 |
12 |
506 |
Your stars say crypto currency is where you should be |
1.3133 |
0.04747 |
166 |
127 |
26 |
13 |
507 |
As you can see, I will be adding magic to your investments |
1.3132 |
0.04515 |
182 |
139 |
29 |
14 |
508 |
I'm sorry, even I can't help you with your taxes. |
1.3125 |
0.04220 |
208 |
159 |
33 |
16 |
509 |
Is it the mustache? My wife says it makes me look ridiculous. |
1.3125 |
0.04218 |
192 |
144 |
36 |
12 |
510 |
I have a PhD in economics, but it is really just guess work. |
1.3120 |
0.03883 |
234 |
177 |
41 |
16 |
511 |
No, I'm a *mirage* counselor. |
1.3119 |
0.04133 |
218 |
167 |
34 |
17 |
512 |
By all means, then, tell me how a respectable astrophysicist *should* dress. |
1.3119 |
0.04476 |
202 |
158 |
25 |
19 |
513 |
Your "time share" will allow you to stay on any planet any time of the year |
1.3117 |
0.04060 |
231 |
178 |
34 |
19 |
514 |
I am your financial planning specialist for buying futures. |
1.3117 |
0.04013 |
231 |
177 |
36 |
18 |
515 |
All right, you two. Let’s get Sirius. |
1.3116 |
0.04412 |
199 |
154 |
28 |
17 |
516 |
Zelda failed spelling, but on a positive note, her cursing is exemplary. |
1.3116 |
0.04412 |
199 |
154 |
28 |
17 |
517 |
If you came to me for advice you must be in real trouble. |
1.3109 |
0.04135 |
193 |
144 |
38 |
11 |
518 |
So you've lost the magic in your relationship? |
1.3105 |
0.04244 |
190 |
143 |
35 |
12 |
519 |
You're probably wondering why I've summoned you. |
1.3103 |
0.04174 |
203 |
154 |
35 |
14 |
520 |
Understand, financial planning isn’t an exact science.” |
1.3103 |
0.03995 |
203 |
151 |
41 |
11 |
521 |
I should mention the "$9,999 Destination Jupiter" package does not include airfare. |
1.3103 |
0.04865 |
174 |
137 |
20 |
17 |
522 |
Thank you for coming, Mr. and Mrs. Houston. I'm afraid we have a problem. |
1.3102 |
0.04051 |
216 |
164 |
37 |
15 |
523 |
Have you thought about investing in crypto?" |
1.3102 |
0.03998 |
216 |
163 |
39 |
14 |
524 |
I was able to make your Investment disappear. |
1.3100 |
0.04505 |
200 |
157 |
24 |
19 |
525 |
Unfortunately, space law is pretty clear that promising the stars and the moon is legally binding. |
1.3096 |
0.04322 |
197 |
151 |
31 |
15 |
526 |
A lot couples find they need space in their marriage |
1.3096 |
0.04261 |
197 |
150 |
33 |
14 |
527 |
Donald Trump's attorney was here only last week |
1.3093 |
0.04548 |
194 |
152 |
24 |
18 |
528 |
The dancing brooms are just roombas now. |
1.3092 |
0.04172 |
207 |
158 |
34 |
15 |
529 |
So, you both agree that the magic is gone. |
1.3092 |
0.03820 |
207 |
152 |
46 |
9 |
530 |
So I hear you've lost the magic, is that right? |
1.3091 |
0.04910 |
165 |
129 |
21 |
15 |
531 |
Yes,the Mars vacation package is still a one way trip. |
1.3088 |
0.04271 |
204 |
157 |
31 |
16 |
532 |
Okay maybe I'm not technically sane, but I get the feeling I'm the last one on your list sooo |
1.3085 |
0.04079 |
201 |
151 |
38 |
12 |
533 |
I encourage you to invest in futures. |
1.3081 |
0.04248 |
185 |
139 |
35 |
11 |
534 |
I work with the other Metaverse. |
1.3081 |
0.04384 |
185 |
141 |
31 |
13 |
535 |
I’m not sure you understand the gravity of the situation. |
1.3081 |
0.04243 |
198 |
151 |
33 |
14 |
536 |
You've lost the magic? |
1.3077 |
0.04434 |
182 |
139 |
30 |
13 |
537 |
We received word your daughter wished upon a star ... we need you to sign a parent's permission slip. |
1.3077 |
0.04162 |
195 |
147 |
36 |
12 |
538 |
We're here to talk about your son's retrogrades. |
1.3074 |
0.03763 |
244 |
185 |
43 |
16 |
539 |
It's a classic dilemma. I can either conjure up a rich husband for your daughter or I can get her into the college of her choice, which will it be? |
1.3073 |
0.04334 |
192 |
147 |
31 |
14 |
540 |
Cult" is such a pejorative term |
1.3073 |
0.04343 |
179 |
135 |
33 |
11 |
541 |
Sorry, there isn't a spell that will make him put down the toilet seat. |
1.3065 |
0.04297 |
186 |
141 |
33 |
12 |
542 |
I wore this because I thought the all-white version might disconcert you." |
1.3064 |
0.03953 |
235 |
181 |
36 |
18 |
543 |
Here at Astrology Accountants, we like to think of 'filing taxes' as sending something into the universe and seeing what returns. |
1.3062 |
0.03967 |
209 |
157 |
40 |
12 |
544 |
Are you interested in our 3 wish plan? |
1.3061 |
0.04329 |
196 |
151 |
30 |
15 |
545 |
Keep in mind, our timeshare includes all three planets. |
1.3061 |
0.04329 |
196 |
151 |
30 |
15 |
546 |
You see folks, space isn’t just for white people anymore. |
1.3059 |
0.04003 |
219 |
167 |
37 |
15 |
547 |
After solving the mysteries of the cosmos, I thought collegiate admissions would be a good challenge. |
1.3059 |
0.04573 |
170 |
130 |
28 |
12 |
548 |
Unlike other marriage counselors I can perform miracles. |
1.3057 |
0.04073 |
229 |
178 |
32 |
19 |
549 |
Unfortunately, even I can't abracadabra your marriage. |
1.3056 |
0.04322 |
180 |
136 |
33 |
11 |
550 |
I'm your doctor, lawyer, financial adviser or whatever.
It depends on what hat I'm wearing today. |
1.3052 |
0.03857 |
213 |
159 |
43 |
11 |
551 |
So, neither of you is a Leo? |
1.3046 |
0.04570 |
174 |
134 |
27 |
13 |
552 |
Behold, as I make your money disappear and reappear in my account. |
1.3046 |
0.04544 |
197 |
156 |
22 |
19 |
553 |
And if we happen to lose the case, I can simply make you disappear! |
1.3046 |
0.04126 |
197 |
149 |
36 |
12 |
554 |
I' am the new science teacher....any questions ?" |
1.3043 |
0.03865 |
230 |
175 |
40 |
15 |
555 |
Unfortunately, no amount of wizardry can help your marriage at this point. |
1.3041 |
0.04356 |
194 |
150 |
29 |
15 |
556 |
Yes, it is a timeshare. |
1.3041 |
0.04950 |
148 |
114 |
23 |
11 |
557 |
How far can you commute? |
1.3037 |
0.04212 |
191 |
145 |
34 |
12 |
558 |
I can help you, but I can’t do magic. |
1.3036 |
0.04528 |
168 |
128 |
29 |
11 |
559 |
I think you'll find that we do things a *bit* differently here at this fertility clinic. |
1.3035 |
0.04187 |
201 |
154 |
33 |
14 |
560 |
I’m an advisor to the stars. |
1.3032 |
0.04324 |
188 |
144 |
31 |
13 |
561 |
Where do you see yourselves five light years from now? |
1.3030 |
0.04895 |
165 |
130 |
20 |
15 |
562 |
I am an astrologer so don't know about life on mars, you need to see an astronomer. |
1.3029 |
0.04547 |
175 |
135 |
27 |
13 |
563 |
Our firm can make your household debt disappear. |
1.3022 |
0.03869 |
225 |
171 |
40 |
14 |
564 |
Let me spell this out for you. |
1.3022 |
0.04281 |
182 |
138 |
33 |
11 |
565 |
I regret to inform you that your son with the Ph.D., and whose college loan you are now paying, won't be able to pay his rent and will move back in with you. |
1.3018 |
0.04505 |
169 |
129 |
29 |
11 |
566 |
Your son is a fine student, but Hogwarts is looking like a reach. |
1.3017 |
0.04026 |
232 |
181 |
32 |
19 |
567 |
I hate to break this to you, but when you're couples counselor said, 'You don't need me, you need a magician!' he was being sarcastic. |
1.3017 |
0.04677 |
179 |
141 |
22 |
16 |
568 |
To be fair, he said he'd love you to the moon and back and well, here we are. |
1.3016 |
0.04496 |
189 |
148 |
25 |
16 |
569 |
You both asked me in private to make the other disappear. |
1.3015 |
0.04212 |
199 |
153 |
32 |
14 |
570 |
This is not red-lining. There is a silver lining if you move far, far away. And the view is spectacular. |
1.3014 |
0.04070 |
209 |
160 |
35 |
14 |
571 |
It’s like traditional couples counseling, but more magical. |
1.3014 |
0.04181 |
209 |
162 |
31 |
16 |
572 |
I'm afraid we're taking this company in a new direction. |
1.3013 |
0.04762 |
156 |
120 |
25 |
11 |
573 |
Yes, financial planning has changed quite a bit. |
1.3012 |
0.04639 |
166 |
128 |
26 |
12 |
574 |
Legally, I can't tell you the future. |
1.3011 |
0.04378 |
176 |
134 |
31 |
11 |
575 |
Yes, I'm certain there's a Black Hole
we could name after Justice Thomas. |
1.3011 |
0.04351 |
186 |
143 |
30 |
13 |
576 |
Like I said on the phone, I'm a financial wizard |
1.3010 |
0.04256 |
196 |
151 |
31 |
14 |
577 |
According to my best calculations,when Mercury,Venus,Mars and Jupiter align,it will be a good time to invest |
1.3010 |
0.04052 |
206 |
157 |
36 |
13 |
578 |
I believe I can put the magic back in your marriage. |
1.3010 |
0.04167 |
206 |
159 |
32 |
15 |
579 |
We would be happy to book you but our earliest Saturn departure is in 2062." |
1.3007 |
0.04456 |
153 |
114 |
32 |
7 |
580 |
Sadly, I don’t see a universe where you two stay together. |
1.3006 |
0.04533 |
163 |
124 |
29 |
10 |
581 |
This meeting could’ve been a note attached to a ravens foot. |
1.3006 |
0.04651 |
173 |
135 |
24 |
14 |
582 |
It's not fraud if you conjured the money out of thin air. |
1.3006 |
0.04504 |
173 |
133 |
28 |
12 |
583 |
I know you're not happy with our overall perfomance this year, but it's not like I have a crystal ball. I can't just waive a magic wand and make the markets turn around! |
1.3005 |
0.04032 |
203 |
154 |
37 |
12 |
584 |
Some people will tell you the secret to a good marriage isn't magic. They're wrong. |
1.3000 |
0.04590 |
160 |
122 |
28 |
10 |
585 |
The tax credit refund from our organization is ASTRONOMICAL. |
1.3000 |
0.04015 |
190 |
142 |
39 |
9 |
586 |
Your son, Harry, is a wizard. |
1.2995 |
0.04358 |
197 |
154 |
27 |
16 |
587 |
I'm old school, we still believe in Pluto as a planet |
1.2994 |
0.04282 |
177 |
134 |
33 |
10 |
588 |
I know I didn't file your taxes in time; but as i'm sure you're aware, Mercury was in retrograde. |
1.2990 |
0.04091 |
194 |
147 |
36 |
11 |
589 |
What hat? |
1.2990 |
0.04344 |
194 |
151 |
28 |
15 |
590 |
Your horoscopes are worrisome but
if you wait a moment, I’ll
remove this hat and give you
my medical opinion. |
1.2989 |
0.04482 |
174 |
134 |
28 |
12 |
591 |
What makes you think I am not the psychiatrist but a patient? |
1.2985 |
0.04116 |
201 |
154 |
34 |
13 |
592 |
Your daughter is indeed a talented wizard. Unfortunately, she sent the entire cafeteria staff to somewhere in the Kuiper Belt and we haven't yet been able to locate them. |
1.2980 |
0.04032 |
198 |
150 |
37 |
11 |
593 |
A lot of renters are having to look outside their target areas. |
1.2979 |
0.04310 |
188 |
145 |
30 |
13 |
594 |
I see a clown in your future giving you crazy-ass advice. |
1.2976 |
0.04057 |
205 |
157 |
35 |
13 |
595 |
Many couples reach a point where they feel the magic’s gone. |
1.2976 |
0.03998 |
205 |
156 |
37 |
12 |
596 |
No, Shakespeare was wrong. The fault is in our stars. |
1.2975 |
0.04710 |
158 |
122 |
25 |
11 |
597 |
I'm afraid your moon is in the house of bankruptcy. |
1.2974 |
0.04073 |
195 |
148 |
36 |
11 |
598 |
Do you really want to give her the sun, the moon and the stars? |
1.2973 |
0.04290 |
185 |
142 |
31 |
12 |
599 |
Your son simply does not have what it takes to be a professional astrologist. Has he tried his hand at Scientology? |
1.2972 |
0.04236 |
212 |
167 |
27 |
18 |
600 |
I didn't say I was a financial wizard, I just said I was a wizard. |
1.2972 |
0.04289 |
212 |
168 |
25 |
19 |
601 |
I’m a wizard, not a tax accountant! |
1.2972 |
0.04289 |
212 |
168 |
25 |
19 |
602 |
As a matter of fact, yes, I did graduate from Yale. |
1.2970 |
0.04567 |
165 |
127 |
27 |
11 |
603 |
I like you two. Let me tell you a secret... get close. You are in a cartoon, none of this is real. |
1.2970 |
0.04804 |
165 |
130 |
21 |
14 |
604 |
You've come to the right place. I specialize in star-crossed lovers. |
1.2969 |
0.04048 |
192 |
145 |
37 |
10 |
605 |
Believe me. My financial advice is solid - none of that hocus pocus nonsense. |
1.2968 |
0.04772 |
155 |
120 |
24 |
11 |
606 |
If you go for the Big Bang treatment, then I'll need a deposit... |
1.2963 |
0.04089 |
189 |
143 |
36 |
10 |
607 |
Before we start, who can say magic word?” |
1.2959 |
0.04865 |
169 |
135 |
18 |
16 |
608 |
We actually just sell ice cream |
1.2955 |
0.04212 |
176 |
133 |
34 |
9 |
609 |
Yes, I can make all of your problems disappear. |
1.2955 |
0.05014 |
132 |
101 |
23 |
8 |
610 |
Your future is clear, you're paying me an astronomical figure. |
1.2949 |
0.04657 |
156 |
120 |
26 |
10 |
611 |
I tell people I'm not a relationship wizard but they don't believe me. |
1.2947 |
0.04138 |
190 |
145 |
34 |
11 |
612 |
Sadly, I can't just wave a magic wand to get your loan approved |
1.2947 |
0.03844 |
207 |
156 |
41 |
10 |
613 |
I see two people who'll believe anything. |
1.2946 |
0.03863 |
224 |
172 |
38 |
14 |
614 |
I’m a wizard. What you need is an astronomer. |
1.2945 |
0.04346 |
163 |
123 |
32 |
8 |
615 |
Don't let the wizard outfit scare you, Im a very good heart surgeon |
1.2944 |
0.04365 |
180 |
139 |
29 |
12 |
616 |
Black and trans? Oh, we’d love to interview your kid…unlike SOME wizarding school whose name shall not be spoken. |
1.2941 |
0.04383 |
187 |
146 |
27 |
14 |
617 |
Did you read the fine print on the consent form? Johnny will return from the science project in 2058. |
1.2941 |
0.04626 |
153 |
117 |
27 |
9 |
618 |
And that , in essence, is why we suggest crypto. |
1.2941 |
0.04063 |
204 |
157 |
34 |
13 |
619 |
Your son is being ex-spelled. |
1.2938 |
0.04558 |
177 |
139 |
24 |
14 |
620 |
If I could fix things with the wave of a wand, do you think I’d be teaching here? |
1.2937 |
0.04637 |
143 |
108 |
28 |
7 |
621 |
We are a boutique travel agency. |
1.2933 |
0.04781 |
150 |
116 |
24 |
10 |
622 |
It doesn't take a wizard to see that that you two need help. |
1.2930 |
0.04971 |
157 |
125 |
18 |
14 |
623 |
We’ve determined that this is a rare case where the fault lies in the stars, not in yourselves. |
1.2928 |
0.04414 |
181 |
141 |
27 |
13 |
624 |
What gives you the idea that I might not relate to where you’re coming from? |
1.2928 |
0.04273 |
181 |
139 |
31 |
11 |
625 |
I approach tax accounting from a different angle. |
1.2928 |
0.03986 |
222 |
173 |
33 |
16 |
626 |
so you want to rekindle the magic? |
1.2927 |
0.04104 |
205 |
159 |
32 |
14 |
627 |
Your son doesn't seem to be grasping the immaterial. |
1.2926 |
0.04491 |
188 |
149 |
23 |
16 |
628 |
The world doesn't revolve around you, Bob. |
1.2926 |
0.04023 |
188 |
142 |
37 |
9 |
629 |
So your referral suggested me "because, because, because, because, because,... because of the wonderful things he does? |
1.2926 |
0.04162 |
188 |
144 |
33 |
11 |
630 |
So, you're saying the magic is gone? |
1.2925 |
0.03837 |
212 |
161 |
40 |
11 |
631 |
your relationship is not stellar, I suggest some more space. |
1.2924 |
0.04285 |
171 |
130 |
32 |
9 |
632 |
I can defy the laws of physics, but you're still going to have to pay alimony. |
1.2919 |
0.04548 |
161 |
124 |
27 |
10 |
633 |
We recommend that your taxes be X-filed. |
1.2919 |
0.04284 |
161 |
121 |
33 |
7 |
634 |
« And you’re sure it was the ‘abracadabra’? » |
1.2917 |
0.04915 |
144 |
112 |
22 |
10 |
635 |
It sounds like you're having some difficulty accepting her magical thinking. |
1.2913 |
0.04028 |
206 |
159 |
34 |
13 |
636 |
Listen, I can’t work miracles. Your parents are still going to call. |
1.2913 |
0.04201 |
206 |
162 |
28 |
16 |
637 |
Yes,I admit the title of grand wizard is problematic. |
1.2910 |
0.04143 |
189 |
145 |
33 |
11 |
638 |
Today is Bring Your Inner Child to Work Day. |
1.2910 |
0.04211 |
189 |
146 |
31 |
12 |
639 |
Here at Intergalactic Motors, we only sell Mercurys, Saturns, and Novas -- but our prices are out of this world. |
1.2907 |
0.04645 |
172 |
136 |
22 |
14 |
640 |
His teachers feel he spends too much time in the real world. |
1.2907 |
0.04645 |
172 |
136 |
22 |
14 |
641 |
I’ve consulted your star charts and regret to inform you that no, you will not be able to afford your own home in this lifetime. |
1.2907 |
0.04420 |
172 |
133 |
28 |
11 |
642 |
Nobody beats the Wiz. |
1.2906 |
0.03884 |
203 |
154 |
39 |
10 |
643 |
I can't even make my own bills disappear, let alone yours. |
1.2905 |
0.04299 |
179 |
138 |
30 |
11 |
644 |
We have a very strict set of rules and regulations you will have to follow if you wish to run for governor here in Fla |
1.2903 |
0.05011 |
155 |
124 |
17 |
14 |
645 |
‘‘ So you both feel the magic has gone?’ |
1.2898 |
0.04495 |
176 |
138 |
25 |
13 |
646 |
If you act now, I’ve gotten excellent vibes regarding
real estate on Saturn. |
1.2897 |
0.05078 |
145 |
115 |
18 |
12 |
647 |
And how is it you heard about heaven? |
1.2896 |
0.04372 |
183 |
143 |
27 |
13 |
648 |
Well, I majored in accounting at Hogwarts, but I have a minor in the Dark Arts... |
1.2893 |
0.04833 |
159 |
126 |
20 |
13 |
649 |
I am required to inform you that past alignments cannot predict future performance. |
1.2890 |
0.04242 |
173 |
132 |
32 |
9 |
650 |
Financial planning is based on many realms. |
1.2890 |
0.04398 |
173 |
134 |
28 |
11 |
651 |
You think I have a crystal ball? |
1.2888 |
0.03955 |
187 |
141 |
38 |
8 |
652 |
Your down payment on your new home on Mars will in fact be cheaper than your current NYC rent, even when we factor in commuting expense |
1.2888 |
0.04167 |
187 |
144 |
32 |
11 |
653 |
Well, she’s been asking me for more space. |
1.2887 |
0.04193 |
194 |
151 |
30 |
13 |
654 |
Don’t be too upset. Kids get accidentally turned into rats here ALL the time. |
1.2886 |
0.04497 |
149 |
113 |
29 |
7 |
655 |
Let me spell it out for you - not even my magic can save your marriage. |
1.2885 |
0.03994 |
208 |
161 |
34 |
13 |
656 |
What did you think would happen when you promised her the stars? |
1.2885 |
0.04456 |
156 |
119 |
29 |
8 |
657 |
I mostly try to explain Social Security supplement plans. |
1.2882 |
0.04527 |
170 |
133 |
25 |
12 |
658 |
They say you should dress for the job you want so…ta-da! |
1.2880 |
0.04282 |
184 |
143 |
29 |
12 |
659 |
I'm a wizard, not a magician. |
1.2880 |
0.04105 |
191 |
147 |
33 |
11 |
660 |
It helps to know there will be pretzels. |
1.2878 |
0.03973 |
205 |
158 |
35 |
12 |
661 |
So, you want Space in your relationship? |
1.2876 |
0.04699 |
153 |
119 |
24 |
10 |
662 |
Really the only difficult part of my job is doorways. |
1.2874 |
0.04503 |
167 |
130 |
26 |
11 |
663 |
Let's face it-you're not a match made in heaven. |
1.2874 |
0.04960 |
167 |
136 |
14 |
17 |
664 |
How can we help you in derivatives today? |
1.2873 |
0.04329 |
181 |
141 |
28 |
12 |
665 |
Should I spell it out for you? |
1.2872 |
0.03790 |
188 |
140 |
42 |
6 |
666 |
Your son has been ex-spelled. |
1.2872 |
0.04110 |
195 |
151 |
32 |
12 |
667 |
Past abracadabras are no guarantee of future alakazams. |
1.2867 |
0.04925 |
143 |
112 |
21 |
10 |
668 |
Don't worry. I've charted this course before." |
1.2867 |
0.04720 |
143 |
110 |
25 |
8 |
669 |
Unicorns? Please. This is serious business. |
1.2867 |
0.05024 |
143 |
113 |
19 |
11 |
670 |
It's about Pluto... |
1.2867 |
0.04855 |
150 |
118 |
21 |
11 |
671 |
My investment strategy simply put is a balanced strategy of stocks in space exploration and big pharma. |
1.2866 |
0.04432 |
157 |
120 |
29 |
8 |
672 |
The stars tell me that you should find another financial adviser. |
1.2866 |
0.04719 |
164 |
130 |
21 |
13 |
673 |
So, about your destination wedding plans. |
1.2864 |
0.04051 |
199 |
154 |
33 |
12 |
674 |
Here at NASA we offer generous compensation, an excellent 401k plan… and three wishes. |
1.2857 |
0.04729 |
147 |
114 |
24 |
9 |
675 |
You may just fit in. We’re looking for inhabitants that would like to keep the place as is. |
1.2857 |
0.04786 |
140 |
108 |
24 |
8 |
676 |
This kind of thing happens once in a blue moon. |
1.2857 |
0.04672 |
154 |
120 |
24 |
10 |
677 |
So, where do you see yourselves three-thousand years from now? |
1.2857 |
0.04558 |
168 |
132 |
24 |
12 |
678 |
Guess who's not wearing any pants? |
1.2857 |
0.04502 |
175 |
138 |
24 |
13 |
679 |
It’s always taken a bit of black magic to get admitted to this college.
But these days “eye of newt” has been replaced by “pile of loot”. |
1.2857 |
0.04185 |
210 |
167 |
26 |
17 |
680 |
I can tell you this, you don’t need a Wizard to tell you what you already know. |
1.2857 |
0.04479 |
168 |
131 |
26 |
11 |
681 |
Clarence Thomas, I presume? Here for the luxury interstellar package from Merlin & Co.? The no extradition package is included courtesy of the DOJ. |
1.2857 |
0.05291 |
133 |
106 |
16 |
11 |
682 |
You both want to join NASA? |
1.2848 |
0.04451 |
165 |
128 |
27 |
10 |
683 |
It’s all about trust. |
1.2848 |
0.04367 |
165 |
127 |
29 |
9 |
684 |
I can help you work through your problems, but putting the magic back in your marriage will cost extra. |
1.2848 |
0.04587 |
158 |
123 |
25 |
10 |
685 |
Look, I'm not a miracle worker. |
1.2848 |
0.04345 |
151 |
114 |
31 |
6 |
686 |
We here at the Federal Reserve... |
1.2847 |
0.04692 |
144 |
111 |
25 |
8 |
687 |
Here we believe fashion is the final frontier. |
1.2843 |
0.04137 |
197 |
154 |
30 |
13 |
688 |
It's casual friday -do I have to spell it out for you? |
1.2833 |
0.04189 |
180 |
139 |
31 |
10 |
689 |
The way the stars are aligning, best I can do is amicable split with joint custody of the dogs. |
1.2832 |
0.04304 |
173 |
134 |
29 |
10 |
690 |
No, actually it’s judges who don’t wear pants under their robes. |
1.2831 |
0.04428 |
166 |
129 |
27 |
10 |
691 |
There are other financial planning options offered by others, but our returns run light years ahead. |
1.2831 |
0.04589 |
166 |
131 |
23 |
12 |
692 |
I have some bad news, your health insurance is not going to cover this. |
1.2830 |
0.04648 |
159 |
125 |
23 |
11 |
693 |
I’d like to talk to you about your son’s retrogrades. |
1.2830 |
0.04816 |
159 |
127 |
19 |
13 |
694 |
As your financial advisor, I would like to inform you that you're FUCKED |
1.2828 |
0.05151 |
145 |
117 |
15 |
13 |
695 |
I find your story spellbinding. |
1.2828 |
0.04663 |
145 |
112 |
25 |
8 |
696 |
And the name of this yappy little terrier you wish would disappear? |
1.2826 |
0.03903 |
184 |
139 |
38 |
7 |
697 |
Weather: April fourth is going to be an ARRAIGNING in New York |
1.2821 |
0.04708 |
156 |
123 |
22 |
11 |
698 |
Sorry folks, I'm not a magician. |
1.2821 |
0.04032 |
195 |
151 |
33 |
11 |
699 |
Unfortunately, being "star-crossed" is not a good predictor of marital happiness. |
1.2819 |
0.04201 |
188 |
147 |
29 |
12 |
700 |
No, I'm not the kind of wizard who makes audits disappear. |
1.2819 |
0.04575 |
149 |
115 |
26 |
8 |
701 |
And so… to conclude… our prices are out of this world! |
1.2819 |
0.04475 |
149 |
114 |
28 |
7 |
702 |
How much space do you need? |
1.2816 |
0.04359 |
174 |
136 |
27 |
11 |
703 |
I can put you into L-46 spiral arm 14.223.HL.6, sure. But is that really all you can afford? |
1.2812 |
0.04953 |
128 |
99 |
22 |
7 |
704 |
We do have some spots left on Saturn’s outer ring, unfortunately the inner ring is now full after some finance guys decided to turn it all into Airbnbs. |
1.2810 |
0.04859 |
153 |
122 |
19 |
12 |
705 |
Neither your husband nor myself are mind readers. |
1.2807 |
0.04331 |
171 |
133 |
28 |
10 |
706 |
‘Dress for the job you want. Not the job you have’ |
1.2807 |
0.04410 |
171 |
134 |
26 |
11 |
707 |
I'm sorry but the prognosis is not stellar. |
1.2806 |
0.04327 |
196 |
157 |
23 |
16 |
708 |
I'm afraid that our dream travel destinations don't, as a rule, cater to pickleballers. |
1.2805 |
0.04457 |
164 |
128 |
26 |
10 |
709 |
I asked "What if I was the last man on earth?" and she said she wanted to know about men on other planets |
1.2805 |
0.04286 |
164 |
126 |
30 |
8 |
710 |
I'm afraid there is no cure for Cancer. |
1.2804 |
0.04249 |
189 |
149 |
27 |
13 |
711 |
Oddly enough, you’ve come to the right place. |
1.2800 |
0.04183 |
175 |
135 |
31 |
9 |
712 |
I think the real issue here is you promised your wife the moon and the stars and neglected to consult with me first |
1.2800 |
0.04261 |
175 |
136 |
29 |
10 |
713 |
Tell me again how the magic has gone out of your marriage… |
1.2798 |
0.04381 |
168 |
131 |
27 |
10 |
714 |
We've gentrified everything else. |
1.2798 |
0.04299 |
168 |
130 |
29 |
9 |
715 |
You're sitting on my wand. |
1.2797 |
0.04903 |
143 |
113 |
20 |
10 |
716 |
For her final project, she disappeared into another dimension, but that did earn her an A in the course. |
1.2796 |
0.04086 |
186 |
144 |
32 |
10 |
717 |
Frankly, it's not rocket science. |
1.2795 |
0.04680 |
161 |
128 |
21 |
12 |
718 |
To be honest, I only got into astrology for the fashion. |
1.2795 |
0.04424 |
161 |
125 |
27 |
9 |
719 |
We need to put the magic back in your marriage. |
1.2794 |
0.04631 |
136 |
104 |
26 |
6 |
720 |
I'm afraid there's bad news about your Pluto portfolio. |
1.2791 |
0.04229 |
172 |
133 |
30 |
9 |
721 |
I’m sorry, Mr. Jones, but I don’t think this is what your wife had in mind when she said that she needed more space. |
1.2789 |
0.04358 |
190 |
152 |
23 |
15 |
722 |
It's the latest style from the Klan's Spring Collection. |
1.2789 |
0.04806 |
147 |
116 |
21 |
10 |
723 |
Unfortunately I am not able to take the mystery out of the college admissions process. |
1.2786 |
0.04974 |
140 |
111 |
19 |
10 |
724 |
I’ll need a $15,000 retainer to get started. Plus some nightshade and eye of newt. |
1.2785 |
0.04655 |
158 |
125 |
22 |
11 |
725 |
How much wizardry can you afford? |
1.2785 |
0.04567 |
158 |
124 |
24 |
10 |
726 |
I'm afraid we have run out of space. |
1.2785 |
0.04567 |
158 |
124 |
24 |
10 |
727 |
My suit was at the dry cleaners. |
1.2785 |
0.04741 |
158 |
126 |
20 |
12 |
728 |
I'm sorry but the stars and the moon are just not lining up for you! |
1.2785 |
0.04387 |
158 |
122 |
28 |
8 |
729 |
We try to look at the big picture here |
1.2784 |
0.03921 |
176 |
133 |
37 |
6 |
730 |
My Saturn and Pluto returns beat the S&P returns every year" |
1.2782 |
0.04815 |
133 |
103 |
23 |
7 |
731 |
What sort of otherworldly experience did you have in mind? |
1.2781 |
0.04619 |
151 |
118 |
24 |
9 |
732 |
I've got to be honest with you. This is only to get some black characters in a New Yorker cartoon; nothing more. |
1.2781 |
0.04517 |
169 |
134 |
23 |
12 |
733 |
It’s likely that your stars are no longer aligned. Fortunately, I also do divorces. |
1.2778 |
0.04400 |
162 |
126 |
27 |
9 |
734 |
I think maybe probably almost positively yes or no. |
1.2778 |
0.04222 |
162 |
124 |
31 |
7 |
735 |
I’m really that good of a financial advisor |
1.2775 |
0.04076 |
191 |
149 |
31 |
11 |
736 |
No, this is "Duncing With The Stars."
"Dancing With The Stars" is across the hall. |
1.2774 |
0.04803 |
155 |
124 |
19 |
12 |
737 |
Okay, yes, Jupiter did indeed align with Mars.
But past performance is no guarantee of future results. |
1.2771 |
0.04326 |
166 |
129 |
28 |
9 |
738 |
And we're committed to having a human baby, yes? |
1.2770 |
0.04680 |
148 |
116 |
23 |
9 |
739 |
Dr. Oz is not in but perhaps I can help you. |
1.2769 |
0.05124 |
130 |
103 |
18 |
9 |
740 |
I like to describe my style as down to earth. |
1.2768 |
0.04294 |
177 |
139 |
27 |
11 |
741 |
What's your level of risk tolerance these days?" |
1.2767 |
0.04714 |
159 |
127 |
20 |
12 |
742 |
My fees, unlike my advice, will be astronomical. |
1.2764 |
0.03960 |
199 |
155 |
33 |
11 |
743 |
There’s talk about replacing me with a Magic Eight Ball. |
1.2763 |
0.04868 |
152 |
122 |
18 |
12 |
744 |
You must be desperate to be here. |
1.2763 |
0.04592 |
152 |
119 |
24 |
9 |
745 |
Yes, Mr. Davis, we can provide you with a wizard's hat, but I'm afraid that a French beret is the only style suitable for Mrs. Davis. |
1.2761 |
0.05013 |
134 |
106 |
19 |
9 |
746 |
No, I'm not changing out of the robe. Now let's take a look at your taxes. |
1.2761 |
0.04546 |
163 |
129 |
23 |
11 |
747 |
Of course I do research when I manage your investments, and I can promise you the stars. |
1.2756 |
0.04508 |
156 |
122 |
25 |
9 |
748 |
Your son won't stay in orbit. |
1.2754 |
0.04468 |
167 |
132 |
24 |
11 |
749 |
It's time to take the next step in your retirement projections. |
1.2754 |
0.04132 |
167 |
128 |
32 |
7 |
750 |
You have to make your own magic. |
1.2754 |
0.04573 |
138 |
106 |
26 |
6 |
751 |
Rest assured. We have tax preparation down to a pseudoscience. |
1.2754 |
0.04573 |
138 |
106 |
26 |
6 |
752 |
To be perfectly honest, the only thing I can predict with certainty is that one of these days you’re both going to die. |
1.2753 |
0.04419 |
178 |
142 |
23 |
13 |
753 |
I got locked out of my apartment getting the paper in my underwear and I live above a costume store. Now can we please talk mortgages." |
1.2753 |
0.04272 |
178 |
140 |
27 |
11 |
754 |
It's obvious that your marriage was not made in heaven. |
1.2752 |
0.04349 |
149 |
114 |
29 |
6 |
755 |
I can help you with the death part, but not the taxes. |
1.2752 |
0.04652 |
149 |
117 |
23 |
9 |
756 |
I'm afraid your child can't spell. |
1.2751 |
0.04099 |
189 |
148 |
30 |
11 |
757 |
In this line of work, you can't just DRESS the part. You have to deliver. |
1.2750 |
0.04517 |
160 |
126 |
24 |
10 |
758 |
I would like to appeal your case to a higher plane of existence. |
1.2750 |
0.04248 |
160 |
123 |
30 |
7 |
759 |
Those are my diplomas. |
1.2750 |
0.04248 |
160 |
123 |
30 |
7 |
760 |
Tuition is astronomical. |
1.2749 |
0.04546 |
171 |
137 |
21 |
13 |
761 |
We are on the verge of a Taurus market." |
1.2749 |
0.04151 |
171 |
132 |
31 |
8 |
762 |
What can I help you with via magical thinking? |
1.2746 |
0.04703 |
142 |
111 |
23 |
8 |
763 |
Have you seen my stapler? |
1.2746 |
0.04808 |
142 |
112 |
21 |
9 |
764 |
So, what brings you in to my orbit? |
1.2746 |
0.04486 |
142 |
109 |
27 |
6 |
765 |
So you are saying this "wizard" is with you in this room right now? |
1.2746 |
0.03971 |
193 |
150 |
33 |
10 |
766 |
Your son has started mooning other students. |
1.2744 |
0.04438 |
164 |
129 |
25 |
10 |
767 |
Our most popular plan is called "Ordinary Magic". Included are 2 wands, 3 incantations and full DIY instructions. |
1.2744 |
0.04178 |
164 |
126 |
31 |
7 |
768 |
I'm sorry, but as principal it's my job to tell you that your son has disappeared |
1.2743 |
0.04320 |
175 |
138 |
26 |
11 |
769 |
Actually, I don’t think your faults are in your stars. |
1.2743 |
0.04543 |
175 |
141 |
20 |
14 |
770 |
Here at Emerald City we know there’s no place like home, which is why our time shares come with complimentary Ruby Slippers. |
1.2741 |
0.05090 |
135 |
108 |
17 |
10 |
771 |
And that’s why J.K. Rowling doesn’t work here anymore. Any questions? |
1.2741 |
0.05090 |
135 |
108 |
17 |
10 |
772 |
With new information coming in every day from the James Webb SpaceTelescope, we’re rethinking the old “Men are from Mars” trope. |
1.2740 |
0.04910 |
146 |
117 |
18 |
11 |
773 |
So, you ignored the stars, Tarot Cards, Zodiac Signs and your mothers' pleas and you want me to help? |
1.2734 |
0.05048 |
128 |
101 |
19 |
8 |
774 |
To get the old magic back into a relationship, I usually start by turning the husband into a frog. |
1.2734 |
0.04768 |
139 |
109 |
22 |
8 |
775 |
You don't have to be a wiz to understand universal insurance, but it helps. |
1.2734 |
0.04768 |
139 |
109 |
22 |
8 |
776 |
Well yes, sorcery is my birthright but sound financial planning is my passion. |
1.2733 |
0.04427 |
150 |
116 |
27 |
7 |
777 |
Actual psychology didn't work at your last counseling session, so lets try something outside the box, shall we? |
1.2733 |
0.04316 |
161 |
125 |
28 |
8 |
778 |
I’m afraid your son created a wormhole during recess, and now half the class is missing. |
1.2733 |
0.04597 |
172 |
139 |
19 |
14 |
779 |
Let’s talk retirement destinations. |
1.2732 |
0.04039 |
183 |
142 |
32 |
9 |
780 |
A software program can find deductions and credits, but only by accounting wizardry can you create them. |
1.2727 |
0.04145 |
176 |
137 |
30 |
9 |
781 |
This isn’t rocket science. |
1.2727 |
0.05168 |
132 |
106 |
16 |
10 |
782 |
It's just that wearing white before May makes you look ridiculous. |
1.2727 |
0.04232 |
143 |
108 |
31 |
4 |
783 |
You'll love the Magical Mystery Tour Timeshare. It's out of this world. |
1.2727 |
0.04330 |
165 |
129 |
27 |
9 |
784 |
Actually, it's magic that any marriages work |
1.2727 |
0.04568 |
143 |
111 |
25 |
7 |
785 |
Will you be willing to complete a three minute survey if you make it back? |
1.2722 |
0.04367 |
158 |
123 |
27 |
8 |
786 |
So you say the magic is gone? |
1.2722 |
0.04178 |
158 |
121 |
31 |
6 |
787 |
...But we may have room for her in one of our satellite schools! |
1.2722 |
0.04273 |
158 |
122 |
29 |
7 |
788 |
It's down to the two of you for the apprenticeship. |
1.2722 |
0.04080 |
158 |
120 |
33 |
5 |
789 |
Madoff, you say? |
1.2722 |
0.04273 |
158 |
122 |
29 |
7 |
790 |
I am not just a financial advisor. I am also a fiduciary. |
1.2721 |
0.04784 |
147 |
117 |
20 |
10 |
791 |
I see a bad moon rising. |
1.2721 |
0.04947 |
136 |
108 |
19 |
9 |
792 |
Why do people coming in here think I can fix them with the wave of a magic wand? |
1.2717 |
0.04093 |
184 |
144 |
30 |
10 |
793 |
I get that a lot, actually. I’m his brother, Mycroft Dumbledore. |
1.2717 |
0.04165 |
184 |
145 |
28 |
11 |
794 |
Our travel package is out of this world! |
1.2716 |
0.04292 |
162 |
126 |
28 |
8 |
795 |
I'm not as Jung as I used to be. |
1.2716 |
0.04202 |
162 |
125 |
30 |
7 |
796 |
You should be able to see from my outfit that I'm an astrologer, not an astronomer |
1.2716 |
0.04202 |
162 |
125 |
30 |
7 |
797 |
Yes I can fly you to Mars but you’ll have to sit next to Elon Musk and for most, that’s a deal-breaker |
1.2716 |
0.04552 |
162 |
129 |
22 |
11 |
798 |
Yes, I am the star dunce, as you can plainly see |
1.2715 |
0.04597 |
151 |
119 |
23 |
9 |
799 |
This isn't rocket science...it's rocket magic. |
1.2714 |
0.04950 |
140 |
112 |
18 |
10 |
800 |
Have you tried saying the magic words? |
1.2713 |
0.03961 |
188 |
146 |
33 |
9 |
801 |
No, I can't make your son's failing grade in Algebra " disappear". |
1.2710 |
0.04513 |
155 |
122 |
24 |
9 |
802 |
Your credit is excellent. But the bank can't approve your mortgage unless Jupiter aligns with Mars |
1.2708 |
0.03974 |
192 |
150 |
32 |
10 |
803 |
I'll start by saying astrological financial planning isn't an exact science... |
1.2708 |
0.04749 |
144 |
114 |
21 |
9 |
804 |
Our main mode of transportation is mushrooms. |
1.2707 |
0.04136 |
181 |
142 |
29 |
10 |
805 |
You'd think I could just wave a magic wand and make this all disappear. |
1.2706 |
0.04236 |
170 |
133 |
28 |
9 |
806 |
First off, I'm legally required to say that I can't actually perform magic. |
1.2704 |
0.04250 |
159 |
123 |
29 |
7 |
807 |
You may be familiar with my work on fortune cookies. |
1.2701 |
0.04168 |
174 |
136 |
29 |
9 |
808 |
I don’t just have employees; I have a magic staff. |
1.2701 |
0.04006 |
174 |
134 |
33 |
7 |
809 |
Let me save you years of couples counseling--the magic is gone. |
1.2701 |
0.04691 |
137 |
107 |
23 |
7 |
810 |
I’m afraid none of our previous travelers are available. |
1.2697 |
0.04570 |
152 |
120 |
23 |
9 |
811 |
You will depart from Platform 9 3/4 |
1.2697 |
0.04474 |
152 |
119 |
25 |
8 |
812 |
Well, I am a visionary who can tell your future...or a clown for your kid's party. How much money you got? |
1.2697 |
0.04180 |
178 |
140 |
28 |
10 |
813 |
So one of you will have to pick a different birth month. |
1.2697 |
0.04180 |
178 |
140 |
28 |
10 |
814 |
Your son is failing geography. |
1.2697 |
0.04474 |
178 |
144 |
20 |
14 |
815 |
Sorry. I don't know any black magic. |
1.2695 |
0.04919 |
141 |
113 |
18 |
10 |
816 |
[Best without a caption.] |
1.2695 |
0.04919 |
141 |
113 |
18 |
10 |
817 |
Of course we can’t predict the rate of return on your investments but we’re trying really hard to get you to believe we can. |
1.2695 |
0.04488 |
141 |
109 |
26 |
6 |
818 |
Have you tried moving in different orbits? |
1.2692 |
0.03888 |
182 |
140 |
35 |
7 |
819 |
Your loan denial has nothing to do with race. It’s just not in the stars. |
1.2690 |
0.04617 |
145 |
114 |
23 |
8 |
820 |
Here at Cosmic Despair, we offer an alternative to thoughts and prayers. |
1.2690 |
0.04720 |
145 |
115 |
21 |
9 |
821 |
No, I can't magically accept your application. |
1.2690 |
0.04720 |
145 |
115 |
21 |
9 |
822 |
it seems you have not even TRIED embracing our new corporate identity. |
1.2689 |
0.05686 |
119 |
98 |
10 |
11 |
823 |
Do you want to go to the same planet at the same time? |
1.2688 |
0.04226 |
160 |
124 |
29 |
7 |
824 |
Hush now, don’t you worry. I’ve been in the business a long time, and I can get you a hat just as pointy as mine. Maybe even pointier! |
1.2687 |
0.05099 |
134 |
108 |
16 |
10 |
825 |
No can do. I literally just fired Pluto 16 years ago. |
1.2680 |
0.04729 |
153 |
123 |
19 |
11 |
826 |
I said that I felt like we had lost the magic and needed space, she told me ‘I know just the guy’ |
1.2680 |
0.04637 |
153 |
122 |
21 |
10 |
827 |
We're here because our usual CPA said she was not a magician. |
1.2679 |
0.04261 |
168 |
132 |
27 |
9 |
828 |
Frankly, I myself have changed due to psychedelic therapy." |
1.2676 |
0.04460 |
142 |
110 |
26 |
6 |
829 |
I don't take bitcoin. |
1.2675 |
0.04275 |
157 |
122 |
28 |
7 |
830 |
My financial forecasting services may appear a bit unique, but rest assured your life savings are in good hands with me. |
1.2674 |
0.04111 |
172 |
134 |
30 |
8 |
831 |
Your son thinks everything revolves around him. |
1.2674 |
0.03942 |
172 |
132 |
34 |
6 |
832 |
In hindsight my parents were right about sociology |
1.2672 |
0.04575 |
131 |
101 |
25 |
5 |
833 |
If you sign up now, we'll include a free crystal ball. |
1.2671 |
0.04157 |
146 |
111 |
31 |
4 |
834 |
Obviously, Mars is not aligned with Venus. |
1.2671 |
0.04485 |
146 |
114 |
25 |
7 |
835 |
Unfortunately, your son has been caught cursing in class again. |
1.2671 |
0.04485 |
146 |
114 |
25 |
7 |
836 |
Then peace will guide the planets, and GM and Coke will steer the market." |
1.2671 |
0.04472 |
161 |
128 |
23 |
10 |
837 |
How fussy are you about breathing sulfur? |
1.2671 |
0.04472 |
161 |
128 |
23 |
10 |
838 |
Here at Zodiac Financial Advisors, we have a slightly different investment philosophy. |
1.2671 |
0.04472 |
161 |
128 |
23 |
10 |
839 |
Your investments are safe with me. |
1.2667 |
0.04403 |
150 |
117 |
26 |
7 |
840 |
Yes, that all makes perfect sense, but my magical thinking prevents me from agreeing with you. |
1.2667 |
0.04045 |
165 |
127 |
32 |
6 |
841 |
I’d suggest putting your cash under your mattress. |
1.2667 |
0.04841 |
135 |
107 |
20 |
8 |
842 |
As your Financial Wizard, I strongly advise... |
1.2667 |
0.04504 |
150 |
118 |
24 |
8 |
843 |
We offer the same education at half the price of Hogwarts. |
1.2663 |
0.04155 |
169 |
132 |
29 |
8 |
844 |
I did warn you, when I presented you my draft of your prenup, that Virgos and Capricorns are incompatible? |
1.2662 |
0.04852 |
139 |
111 |
19 |
9 |
845 |
Unfortunately, I'm just a wizard. You need a miracle. |
1.2659 |
0.04406 |
173 |
139 |
22 |
12 |
846 |
Travel to Venus requires vaccination! |
1.2659 |
0.04171 |
173 |
136 |
28 |
9 |
847 |
And then they said Pluto couldn't be a planet anymore, so you can see why I desperately need these grant funds. |
1.2658 |
0.04702 |
158 |
128 |
18 |
12 |
848 |
I understand your skepticism, but this is not rocket science. |
1.2658 |
0.04345 |
158 |
124 |
26 |
8 |
849 |
Let's face it...you're here because the magic
is gone from the marriage. |
1.2657 |
0.04086 |
143 |
108 |
32 |
3 |
850 |
Then I sprinkle on a little fairy dust and...Presto!...You're taxes are done! |
1.2656 |
0.04225 |
192 |
155 |
23 |
14 |
851 |
Mars is entering retrograde. Sell, sell, sell! |
1.2656 |
0.04769 |
128 |
100 |
22 |
6 |
852 |
We appreciate your interest. |
1.2654 |
0.04271 |
162 |
127 |
27 |
8 |
853 |
As a charter school, we are free to develop our own STEM curricula. |
1.2653 |
0.04761 |
147 |
118 |
19 |
10 |
854 |
That’s not a problem, I can make it disappear. |
1.2652 |
0.05028 |
132 |
106 |
17 |
9 |
855 |
You need to give each other space. |
1.2651 |
0.04535 |
166 |
134 |
20 |
12 |
856 |
Yes, your deposits are safe. Our investment strategies are based on the soundest principles. |
1.2649 |
0.04575 |
151 |
120 |
22 |
9 |
857 |
Let's try this today. Therapy only goes so far. |
1.2649 |
0.04575 |
151 |
120 |
22 |
9 |
858 |
You should see my shower curtain. |
1.2649 |
0.04378 |
151 |
118 |
26 |
7 |
859 |
This is no longer a hex. Now you’re dealing full-blown curse. |
1.2649 |
0.04199 |
185 |
148 |
25 |
12 |
860 |
To begin with, financial planning isn't a science... |
1.2649 |
0.03984 |
185 |
145 |
31 |
9 |
861 |
We'd like to see a little more focus on the hocus pocus. |
1.2647 |
0.04695 |
136 |
107 |
22 |
7 |
862 |
I am just not sure what else I would wear on casual Fridays |
1.2647 |
0.05031 |
136 |
110 |
16 |
10 |
863 |
Your son is doing wonderfully here at the Academy of Magic. It's his rabbit that has us concerned. |
1.2643 |
0.04713 |
140 |
111 |
21 |
8 |
864 |
I assure you that I'm not that kind of 'Grand Wizard.' |
1.2642 |
0.04501 |
159 |
127 |
22 |
10 |
865 |
Make like Saturn and put a ring on it, Kevin. |
1.2642 |
0.04501 |
159 |
127 |
22 |
10 |
866 |
I recommend space for all my couples” |
1.2642 |
0.04035 |
159 |
122 |
32 |
5 |
867 |
What I’m trying to tell you is, men go to Mars, and women go to Venus |
1.2642 |
0.04759 |
159 |
130 |
16 |
13 |
868 |
I’m sorry, what funny hat? |
1.2640 |
0.05098 |
125 |
100 |
17 |
8 |
869 |
Let me get right to the point... |
1.2640 |
0.04970 |
125 |
99 |
19 |
7 |
870 |
I have been appointed by the school board to make sure that our students do not get upset by the material being taught. |
1.2639 |
0.05120 |
144 |
119 |
12 |
13 |
871 |
Here at "Stars-R-Us" our excursions may be astronomically expensive, but the experience is out of this world! |
1.2639 |
0.04926 |
144 |
117 |
16 |
11 |
872 |
DeSantis ran the magic out of Disneyland, and NASA was hiring, so.. |
1.2638 |
0.04423 |
163 |
130 |
23 |
10 |
873 |
Yes. I did go to Hogwarts and no. I don't know him. |
1.2638 |
0.04336 |
163 |
129 |
25 |
9 |
874 |
Your son is behind in all his classes, but, in fairness, mercury is in retrograde. |
1.2638 |
0.04508 |
163 |
131 |
21 |
11 |
875 |
I understand the other student started it, but turning him into a cockroach and stepping on him is still not an acceptable response. |
1.2638 |
0.04336 |
163 |
129 |
25 |
9 |
876 |
Why do you laugh when I tell you that our bank adheres only to the most accepted time proven financial principles? |
1.2636 |
0.04736 |
129 |
101 |
22 |
6 |
877 |
This marriage was not made in heaven. |
1.2636 |
0.04862 |
129 |
102 |
20 |
7 |
878 |
I think you need to be more realistic.... |
1.2635 |
0.04534 |
148 |
117 |
23 |
8 |
879 |
I understand your desire to buy a house in that neighborhood. But I’m a wizard, not a magician. |
1.2635 |
0.04829 |
148 |
120 |
17 |
11 |
880 |
. . . and of course, that is why we call it 'magical thinking'. |
1.2635 |
0.04348 |
167 |
133 |
24 |
10 |
881 |
Look, I'm considered to be a wizard at finding affordable housing in LA, but let's be realistic." |
1.2635 |
0.04091 |
167 |
130 |
30 |
7 |
882 |
There are also no state taxes there. |
1.2632 |
0.04548 |
152 |
121 |
22 |
9 |
883 |
It's like money. But it's magic money. |
1.2632 |
0.04515 |
133 |
103 |
25 |
5 |
884 |
Do you realize how many parents think their kid is the next Harry Potter? |
1.2632 |
0.04195 |
171 |
135 |
27 |
9 |
885 |
In spite of your hatred for one another,my charts say you are a perfect match so either one of you is lying about your birth date or babies were switched at the hospital. In either case,you don’t get your money back. |
1.2632 |
0.05004 |
152 |
126 |
12 |
14 |
886 |
I’m afraid that an early retirement just isn’t in the stars for you. |
1.2632 |
0.04387 |
133 |
102 |
27 |
4 |
887 |
Please, no jokes about Uranus. |
1.2632 |
0.04041 |
152 |
116 |
32 |
4 |
888 |
I've looked over both of your horoscopes, and I'm afraid that I have some bad news. |
1.2628 |
0.04277 |
156 |
122 |
27 |
7 |
889 |
OK folks, you're here because you say you are mystified by your late fee. |
1.2628 |
0.04277 |
156 |
122 |
27 |
7 |
890 |
Please understand that future performance does not guarantee eternal performance. |
1.2628 |
0.04889 |
137 |
110 |
18 |
9 |
891 |
And now I will take you on the mystical journey that is your 1040 tax return form.” |
1.2626 |
0.03998 |
198 |
158 |
28 |
12 |
892 |
I was tired of being told my fees are astronomical. |
1.2625 |
0.04476 |
160 |
128 |
22 |
10 |
893 |
I'll admit, our approach to investing is somewhat unusual, but our returns are out of this world. |
1.2625 |
0.04563 |
160 |
129 |
20 |
11 |
894 |
Remember the 3 things that matter most in property: location, location, location |
1.2625 |
0.04476 |
160 |
128 |
22 |
10 |
895 |
No, it’s not a dunce cap. |
1.2623 |
0.05047 |
122 |
97 |
18 |
7 |
896 |
Unfortunately your wife is right about that in every universe |
1.2623 |
0.04911 |
122 |
96 |
20 |
6 |
897 |
Sorry, I don't do misfortunes. |
1.2622 |
0.04483 |
164 |
132 |
21 |
11 |
898 |
To the moon and back is not an option. |
1.2622 |
0.04136 |
164 |
128 |
29 |
7 |
899 |
Our investing strategies follow the idea that the stock market is “Astrology for men”” |
1.2622 |
0.04399 |
164 |
131 |
23 |
10 |
900 |
It’s not just a timeshare, it’s a lifestyle.” |
1.2619 |
0.04805 |
126 |
99 |
21 |
6 |
901 |
Yes it will take some other worldly magic in order for you to retire. |
1.2619 |
0.04242 |
168 |
133 |
26 |
9 |
902 |
You're wondering where your taxes are... |
1.2619 |
0.04070 |
168 |
131 |
30 |
7 |
903 |
Maybe Hogwarts isn't the best choice for your daughter. |
1.2617 |
0.04507 |
149 |
118 |
23 |
8 |
904 |
Don't let the dunce cap fool you. |
1.2617 |
0.04194 |
149 |
115 |
29 |
5 |
905 |
Granting you marital bliss will be a cosmic task. |
1.2617 |
0.04606 |
149 |
119 |
21 |
9 |
906 |
I understand you feel that the magic is gone... |
1.2615 |
0.04704 |
130 |
102 |
22 |
6 |
907 |
I'm not actually a wizard. I just forgot to do my laundry last week. |
1.2612 |
0.04486 |
134 |
104 |
25 |
5 |
908 |
What brings you into my Orbit today? |
1.2612 |
0.04486 |
134 |
104 |
25 |
5 |
909 |
Here at Magical Thinking Incorporated, we try to make everything better without changing anything” |
1.2612 |
0.04486 |
134 |
104 |
25 |
5 |
910 |
Past performance is no guarantee of future results. |
1.2611 |
0.04155 |
157 |
122 |
29 |
6 |
911 |
This this the hardest part of my job: your son just isn't wizard material. |
1.2611 |
0.04348 |
157 |
124 |
25 |
8 |
912 |
Ironically no, futures are not our specialty. |
1.2611 |
0.03889 |
180 |
140 |
33 |
7 |
913 |
Regretfully, we must ex-spell your son.” |
1.2609 |
0.04623 |
161 |
131 |
18 |
12 |
914 |
As your marriage counselor, my best advice is to open up your heart and let the sunshine in, let it shine on in. |
1.2609 |
0.04965 |
138 |
112 |
16 |
10 |
915 |
Wait, I thought you summoned me here |
1.2606 |
0.04375 |
165 |
132 |
23 |
10 |
916 |
You will soon incur a substantial expense! |
1.2606 |
0.04545 |
142 |
112 |
23 |
7 |
917 |
Fly him to the moon |
1.2606 |
0.05065 |
142 |
117 |
13 |
12 |
918 |
I'm afraid that you are star crossed. |
1.2606 |
0.04965 |
142 |
116 |
15 |
11 |
919 |
I'm afraid that your problems are insufficiently cosmic. |
1.2606 |
0.04654 |
142 |
113 |
21 |
8 |
920 |
Tell me about why you’d like to adopt a planet. |
1.2606 |
0.04545 |
142 |
112 |
23 |
7 |
921 |
What's it gonna take to get you into a car today? |
1.2605 |
0.05128 |
119 |
95 |
17 |
7 |
922 |
For miracles our fee is astronomical |
1.2604 |
0.04463 |
169 |
137 |
20 |
12 |
923 |
In retrospect, labeling myself as “Grand Wizard” was a regrettable error. |
1.2604 |
0.04463 |
169 |
137 |
20 |
12 |
924 |
Honestly, your son is a bit of a weirdo. |
1.2603 |
0.04767 |
146 |
118 |
18 |
10 |
925 |
And that’s how I won the Nobel Prize in Economics |
1.2603 |
0.04565 |
146 |
116 |
22 |
8 |
926 |
I suggest a more down to earth approach given your difficulties. |
1.2603 |
0.04460 |
146 |
115 |
24 |
7 |
927 |
You know, when I began my work in space tourism, I was worried people wouldn't take me seriously. |
1.2602 |
0.05142 |
123 |
99 |
16 |
8 |
928 |
My pronoun. is WIZ |
1.2598 |
0.04501 |
127 |
98 |
25 |
4 |
929 |
Thanks to an app called 'Spell-check', I never had a curse of mine backfire." |
1.2597 |
0.04302 |
154 |
121 |
26 |
7 |
930 |
Sadly, your portfolio doesn't include the future" |
1.2597 |
0.04100 |
154 |
119 |
30 |
5 |
931 |
And they said I'm in-network? |
1.2595 |
0.04415 |
158 |
126 |
23 |
9 |
932 |
Affordable housing that is not light years away from work. I'm a wizard, not a magician! |
1.2595 |
0.04323 |
158 |
125 |
25 |
8 |
933 |
I assure you, “legal wizard” is an actual thing. |
1.2595 |
0.04323 |
158 |
125 |
25 |
8 |
934 |
My predictions tend to be more favorable if you sign up as a premium member. |
1.2593 |
0.04159 |
162 |
127 |
28 |
7 |
935 |
Hogwarts is a fictional school, unlike ours. |
1.2593 |
0.04698 |
135 |
107 |
21 |
7 |
936 |
And if you get the Intergalactic Membership, you'll have access to timeshare units on any planet you want! |
1.2593 |
0.04579 |
135 |
106 |
23 |
6 |
937 |
I’m sorry, I can’t cure IBS either. |
1.2593 |
0.04698 |
135 |
107 |
21 |
7 |
938 |
Planetary real estate’s the next boom. The opportunities are endless. |
1.2593 |
0.04698 |
135 |
107 |
21 |
7 |
939 |
It’s $950,000 or 2000 frequent flyer light years per round-trip ticket - you are allowed 2 carry-ons. |
1.2593 |
0.04250 |
162 |
128 |
26 |
8 |
940 |
Congratulations. It might seem expensive, but you'll be the first residents of a minority planet. |
1.2590 |
0.04933 |
139 |
113 |
16 |
10 |
941 |
Welcome, folks! I’m your loan officer. |
1.2590 |
0.04933 |
139 |
113 |
16 |
10 |
942 |
Despite our best efforts, your little lad refuses to have his head in the clouds. |
1.2587 |
0.04517 |
143 |
113 |
23 |
7 |
943 |
I gave up computers: they are just too unreliable |
1.2586 |
0.04761 |
116 |
90 |
22 |
4 |
944 |
Merlin Vacations doesn’t provide brochures, but we do provide telescopes. |
1.2585 |
0.04835 |
147 |
120 |
16 |
11 |
945 |
I get that a lot. But, no, I'm ALVIN Dumbledore. |
1.2585 |
0.04218 |
147 |
114 |
28 |
5 |
946 |
I assure you, I'm one of the top scienticianists in my field. Have you even noticed my hat? |
1.2583 |
0.04659 |
120 |
93 |
23 |
4 |
947 |
Here at Wizard Vacations, clients find our timesshares magical precisely because they’re so remote. |
1.2583 |
0.04454 |
151 |
120 |
23 |
8 |
948 |
Sorry, but your child was not accepted to Hogwarts. |
1.2581 |
0.04742 |
155 |
127 |
16 |
12 |
949 |
Between flat earthers,horoscopes,cosmology,and cosmetology,I just kind of gave up. |
1.2581 |
0.04374 |
155 |
123 |
24 |
8 |
950 |
You will see it when you believe it. |
1.2581 |
0.05231 |
124 |
101 |
14 |
9 |
951 |
I'm sitting here then one day I said, you know what..... why not be a Wizard. |
1.2581 |
0.04841 |
124 |
98 |
20 |
6 |
952 |
If you don't see a meteor, you get a 10% refund. |
1.2581 |
0.04077 |
155 |
120 |
30 |
5 |
953 |
As I told you before there's risk involved with any investment. |
1.2579 |
0.04480 |
159 |
128 |
21 |
10 |
954 |
I'm afraid that when Pluto was declassified as a planet you lost most of your nest egg. |
1.2578 |
0.05348 |
128 |
106 |
11 |
11 |
955 |
We're rebranding. |
1.2578 |
0.04866 |
128 |
102 |
19 |
7 |
956 |
Welcome! Now how can I help you with your investments? |
1.2577 |
0.04227 |
163 |
129 |
26 |
8 |
957 |
Think of estate planning as the final frontier. |
1.2576 |
0.04641 |
132 |
104 |
22 |
6 |
958 |
Absolutely,your investment returns are out of this world. |
1.2576 |
0.04641 |
132 |
104 |
22 |
6 |
959 |
I see a long trip in your future. |
1.2575 |
0.04649 |
167 |
138 |
15 |
14 |
960 |
Yes, I'm a financial wizard, but I can't promise you the moon. |
1.2571 |
0.04576 |
140 |
111 |
22 |
7 |
961 |
Honest...The answer is written in the stars. |
1.2571 |
0.03947 |
175 |
137 |
31 |
7 |
962 |
Yes, we do have cremation options as well. Your mother was made of stardust and to stardust she shall return. |
1.2571 |
0.04795 |
140 |
113 |
18 |
9 |
963 |
As it turns out, I was mistaken, the IRS will not accept "mercury in retrograde" as a deduction. |
1.2566 |
0.04428 |
152 |
121 |
23 |
8 |
964 |
So, you want to be all moved into your new planet by Nov 2024? |
1.2566 |
0.04428 |
152 |
121 |
23 |
8 |
965 |
Actually, the financial wizard is down the hall. |
1.2566 |
0.04805 |
152 |
125 |
15 |
12 |
966 |
I fancy myself more as a wizard slash divorce lawyer. |
1.2566 |
0.04328 |
152 |
120 |
25 |
7 |
967 |
Tax preparation is an arcane art. |
1.2564 |
0.04444 |
156 |
125 |
22 |
9 |
968 |
The problem is you’re from Mars and she’s from Venus |
1.2564 |
0.04349 |
156 |
124 |
24 |
8 |
969 |
However, the signs say WE could be quite compatible. |
1.2564 |
0.05450 |
117 |
96 |
12 |
9 |
970 |
I can understand needing a little space. |
1.2564 |
0.05028 |
117 |
93 |
18 |
6 |
971 |
You have to understand, as a school principal I wear many different hats |
1.2564 |
0.05028 |
117 |
93 |
18 |
6 |
972 |
When the moon is in the 7th house, short all your Apple holdings. |
1.2563 |
0.04543 |
160 |
130 |
19 |
11 |
973 |
What? You think all I have to do is wave a magic wand? |
1.2563 |
0.04455 |
160 |
129 |
21 |
10 |
974 |
If you prefer - my apprentice’s rates are lower. |
1.2562 |
0.05186 |
121 |
98 |
15 |
8 |
975 |
Sorry, in your price range, nothing inside the Sarurn orbit, and even that will take a miracle. |
1.2562 |
0.05052 |
121 |
97 |
17 |
7 |
976 |
You don’t qualify for a loan here on earth, but Mars, no problem. |
1.2562 |
0.04771 |
121 |
95 |
21 |
5 |
977 |
I'm sorry, but your daughter is just too down to earth for this school. |
1.2561 |
0.04378 |
164 |
132 |
22 |
10 |
978 |
I prepare your taxes using a higher authority than the IRS. |
1.2560 |
0.04136 |
168 |
133 |
27 |
8 |
979 |
Well there is a difference between wizard and smart. |
1.2560 |
0.04387 |
168 |
136 |
21 |
11 |
980 |
I assure you that all your investments are safe in my hands. |
1.2560 |
0.04221 |
168 |
134 |
25 |
9 |
981 |
Yes, I am a Certified Financial Planner |
1.2560 |
0.04387 |
168 |
136 |
21 |
11 |
982 |
Welcome to Planets "R" us |
1.2556 |
0.04610 |
133 |
105 |
22 |
6 |
983 |
Of Wall Street” is not merely a boast, it’s also my legal last name |
1.2556 |
0.04610 |
133 |
105 |
22 |
6 |
984 |
We just do time travel. Race relations is out of our league. |
1.2555 |
0.04751 |
137 |
110 |
19 |
8 |
985 |
So, as I understand it, you feel that the magic is gone from your relationship. Is that correct? |
1.2555 |
0.04637 |
137 |
109 |
21 |
7 |
986 |
It's not just your daughter's presence in class. We need her to be visible. |
1.2552 |
0.04671 |
145 |
117 |
19 |
9 |
987 |
What brings you to NASA? |
1.2552 |
0.04567 |
145 |
116 |
21 |
8 |
988 |
So she's from Venus and you're from Mars. |
1.2552 |
0.04567 |
145 |
116 |
21 |
8 |
989 |
We specialize in partnership taxation, estate planning, and children’s birthday parties. |
1.2552 |
0.04353 |
145 |
114 |
25 |
6 |
990 |
We want you to have a "feeling we're not in Kansas anymore moment" |
1.2550 |
0.04680 |
149 |
121 |
18 |
10 |
991 |
Please don't call it a dunce cap. |
1.2550 |
0.04680 |
149 |
121 |
18 |
10 |
992 |
The fault, dear folk, is not in yourselves but in your stars. |
1.2549 |
0.04498 |
153 |
123 |
21 |
9 |
993 |
No, we don't use wands anymore. That's very archaic tech. |
1.2547 |
0.04342 |
161 |
129 |
23 |
9 |
994 |
As you can see on the wall behind me, I have not a degree of lunacy, but three |
1.2545 |
0.04439 |
165 |
134 |
20 |
11 |
995 |
Sure, I can get your daughter into that college. With a wave of my wand, she’ll be a rower. |
1.2545 |
0.05074 |
110 |
87 |
18 |
5 |
996 |
I’m glad we can finally sit down and talk about Uranus. |
1.2545 |
0.04181 |
165 |
131 |
26 |
8 |
997 |
Your investment goals will materialize in time |
1.2544 |
0.04199 |
169 |
135 |
25 |
9 |
998 |
As Wall Street's most famous & most respected financial astrologer, I can assure you that Mercury in Retrograde while the Full Moon is in Gemini does NOT mean that you should do massive short-selling like there's no tomorrow. |
1.2542 |
0.04298 |
177 |
144 |
21 |
12 |
999 |
Then Darth is like, 'I've got a secret,' and Luke is all, 'oh yeah?' and Darth goes, 'guess who your dad is,' and Luke says, 'Yoda?' and Darth is like, 'guess again.' |
1.2540 |
0.04904 |
126 |
101 |
18 |
7 |
1000 |
I could see how you might have some lingering concerns, but I swear on the grave of Robert E. Lee, the new Rainbow Klan is committed to the ideals of Diversity, Equity and Inclusion. |
1.2540 |
0.04772 |
126 |
100 |
20 |
6 |
1001 |
And our company prides itself on being down to earth." |
1.2538 |
0.04411 |
130 |
101 |
25 |
4 |
1002 |
I know our packages seems a little far out, but I guarantee you that we're down to Earth when it comes down to costs. |
1.2536 |
0.04939 |
138 |
113 |
15 |
10 |
1003 |
Where do you see yourself in a thousand years? |
1.2535 |
0.04518 |
142 |
113 |
22 |
7 |
1004 |
Tax preparation is my side job. The rest of the year I'm a wizard. |
1.2535 |
0.04734 |
142 |
115 |
18 |
9 |
1005 |
No no, the Voodoo economist is down the hall. |
1.2535 |
0.04838 |
142 |
116 |
16 |
10 |
1006 |
Yes, black holes matter. |
1.2534 |
0.04539 |
146 |
117 |
21 |
8 |
1007 |
Your son's spelling could use some work. |
1.2534 |
0.04216 |
146 |
114 |
27 |
5 |
1008 |
Here’s my fresh take. You’re Mars, she’s Venus. |
1.2533 |
0.04456 |
150 |
120 |
22 |
8 |
1009 |
You should know that I graduated from Hogwarts at the top of my class. |
1.2532 |
0.04376 |
154 |
123 |
23 |
8 |
1010 |
Unfortunately your son's been ex-spelled." |
1.2532 |
0.04393 |
158 |
127 |
22 |
9 |
1011 |
Our real estate options are out of this world |
1.2531 |
0.04043 |
162 |
127 |
29 |
6 |
1012 |
Now let me tell you why it is a great time to invest in mysto-currency. |
1.2530 |
0.03979 |
166 |
130 |
30 |
6 |
1013 |
I’m sorry you feel that way, but did you really think the tuition would be anything other than astronomical? |
1.2529 |
0.04340 |
170 |
138 |
21 |
11 |
1014 |
Local banks are failing so we need to go
outside our solar system. |
1.2522 |
0.04916 |
115 |
91 |
19 |
5 |
1015 |
It worked for Nancy Reagan. |
1.2521 |
0.04952 |
119 |
95 |
18 |
6 |
1016 |
It’s not so much that I’ve lost your money, it’s that I’ve misplaced my magic wand. |
1.2520 |
0.04739 |
127 |
101 |
20 |
6 |
1017 |
The hat is just for show |
1.2520 |
0.04739 |
127 |
101 |
20 |
6 |
1018 |
We have a great vacation trip to Kansas. |
1.2520 |
0.04996 |
127 |
103 |
16 |
8 |
1019 |
It brightens the office atmosphere. |
1.2519 |
0.04513 |
131 |
103 |
23 |
5 |
1020 |
Yes, indeed, astrology is a science as noble as cosmology and as precise as cosmetology. |
1.2519 |
0.04888 |
131 |
106 |
17 |
8 |
1021 |
As your Certified Public Astrologist, I can offer tax advice that mocks both time and space. |
1.2519 |
0.04299 |
135 |
105 |
26 |
4 |
1022 |
Witch is a strong word... |
1.2517 |
0.04598 |
143 |
115 |
20 |
8 |
1023 |
All the trips to Oz are overbooked, but we do have some openings for the Narnia tour. |
1.2517 |
0.04598 |
143 |
115 |
20 |
8 |
1024 |
Now is an auspicious time to start a business, but beware the advice of a charlatan. |
1.2517 |
0.04808 |
143 |
117 |
16 |
10 |
1025 |
I'm afraid my fee is astronomical. |
1.2517 |
0.04148 |
143 |
111 |
28 |
4 |
1026 |
Look, I'm a financial wizard, not a miracle worker." |
1.2517 |
0.04490 |
143 |
114 |
22 |
7 |
1027 |
Remember —I’m a scientist, not a magician. |
1.2517 |
0.04407 |
147 |
117 |
23 |
7 |
1028 |
It will take a wizard to solve your marital problems. |
1.2517 |
0.04190 |
147 |
115 |
27 |
5 |
1029 |
Yes,I am a Professor of Astronomy but I find I get more interest from people when I dress like this. |
1.2517 |
0.04300 |
147 |
116 |
25 |
6 |
1030 |
I never wanted to be a wizard, I always wanted to be a software developer. |
1.2517 |
0.04528 |
151 |
122 |
20 |
9 |
1031 |
So,you want a no fault divorce? What’s the magic word? |
1.2517 |
0.04429 |
151 |
121 |
22 |
8 |
1032 |
The retirement plan I recommend to my clients, and you may recognize the basic outline here, is called 'magical thinking.' |
1.2515 |
0.04551 |
163 |
134 |
17 |
12 |
1033 |
Well, astrologically speaking, your marriage is kaput. |
1.2515 |
0.04381 |
163 |
132 |
21 |
10 |
1034 |
And just like that,your student load debt has been canceled. |
1.2515 |
0.03866 |
167 |
130 |
32 |
5 |
1035 |
Your son is more of a space cadet than a wizard, I'm afraid. |
1.2500 |
0.04994 |
112 |
89 |
18 |
5 |
1036 |
I'm sorry, we don't offer trip insurance on faster than light speed, or interdimensional cruises. |
1.2500 |
0.04403 |
152 |
122 |
22 |
8 |
1037 |
Our portfolio returns are, dare I say, stellar. |
1.2500 |
0.04960 |
128 |
104 |
16 |
8 |
1038 |
I can't help your marriage, I'm a wizard, not a magician. |
1.2500 |
0.04675 |
144 |
117 |
18 |
9 |
1039 |
I’m afraid therapy would be a waste of time. You see, Venus was in retrograde when you guys met. |
1.2500 |
0.04352 |
144 |
114 |
24 |
6 |
1040 |
No, I don't believe in horoscopes. Why do you ask? |
1.2500 |
0.04442 |
164 |
134 |
19 |
11 |
1041 |
Have you thought about wearing a hat to hide your bald spot? |
1.2500 |
0.04586 |
148 |
120 |
19 |
9 |
1042 |
I think that you'll find that I'm very down-to-earth. |
1.2500 |
0.04915 |
120 |
96 |
18 |
6 |
1043 |
Sorry we can't offer your son a basketball scholarship... does he play Quidditch? |
1.2500 |
0.04501 |
152 |
123 |
20 |
9 |
1044 |
My advice is to give each other some space. |
1.2500 |
0.04029 |
156 |
122 |
29 |
5 |
1045 |
Financial markets are inherently unpredictable. |
1.2500 |
0.04123 |
144 |
112 |
28 |
4 |
1046 |
We've ran all the tests. An Aries rising and a Capricorn moon are not destined to run a coffee shop together |
1.2500 |
0.04854 |
132 |
107 |
17 |
8 |
1047 |
Let’s keep this real, shall we… |
1.2500 |
0.04397 |
136 |
107 |
24 |
5 |
1048 |
Hearts & Courage we got, but there's a shortage of brains lately. |
1.2500 |
0.04994 |
112 |
89 |
18 |
5 |
1049 |
I have no idea. |
1.2500 |
0.04381 |
148 |
118 |
23 |
7 |
1050 |
They told us it would take a magician to save our marriage. |
1.2500 |
0.04979 |
140 |
116 |
13 |
11 |
1051 |
Yes, your son took our interplanetary tour. However, because he chose to travel with checked baggage, we have no idea where he is. |
1.2500 |
0.04484 |
148 |
119 |
21 |
8 |
1052 |
the magician's council apologizes but Presto the magnificent made your son disappear. |
1.2500 |
0.05192 |
120 |
98 |
14 |
8 |
1053 |
You need more than a wizard. You need a miracle! |
1.2500 |
0.04879 |
116 |
92 |
19 |
5 |
1054 |
Do you want to fly business class? |
1.2500 |
0.04807 |
124 |
99 |
19 |
6 |
1055 |
Even I can't get you front row tickets to Taylor Swift! |
1.2500 |
0.04854 |
132 |
107 |
17 |
8 |
1056 |
How did you guess I was interested in astrology? |
1.2485 |
0.04093 |
169 |
135 |
26 |
8 |
1057 |
I'm sorry for your losses, but I never said I was a financial wizard! |
1.2484 |
0.04487 |
157 |
128 |
19 |
10 |
1058 |
Yes, I am the Dumbledore Chair for the combined Astronomy / Astrology program here at the university. |
1.2483 |
0.04558 |
149 |
121 |
19 |
9 |
1059 |
I can't help you with your sex life. I'm a wizard, not a fairy godmother. |
1.2482 |
0.04630 |
141 |
114 |
19 |
8 |
1060 |
...and my fees aren't astronomical. |
1.2482 |
0.04369 |
137 |
108 |
24 |
5 |
1061 |
The fault really does lie in you. |
1.2482 |
0.04490 |
137 |
109 |
22 |
6 |
1062 |
When the moon is in the seventh house… |
1.2482 |
0.04608 |
137 |
110 |
20 |
7 |
1063 |
Your chart suggests you could easily fix dinner more often. |
1.2481 |
0.05052 |
133 |
110 |
13 |
10 |
1064 |
Our vessels use "wand power"...so a minimum of discomfort and you are there before you can say "Hocus Pocus" |
1.2481 |
0.04702 |
133 |
107 |
19 |
7 |
1065 |
About your investment, there's good news and bad news. The good news, I'm a financial wizard; the bad news, my spell with your portfolio wasn't successful. |
1.2481 |
0.04821 |
133 |
108 |
17 |
8 |
1066 |
You can't expect these things to work like magic. |
1.2481 |
0.04801 |
129 |
104 |
18 |
7 |
1067 |
You each need more space. |
1.2481 |
0.04673 |
129 |
103 |
20 |
6 |
1068 |
A rather normal suburban upbringing, why do you ask? |
1.2480 |
0.05163 |
125 |
103 |
13 |
9 |
1069 |
What will it take to get you two into a brand new two-seater time machine today? |
1.2480 |
0.04906 |
125 |
101 |
17 |
7 |
1070 |
So the magic has gone out of your marriage? |
1.2480 |
0.04773 |
125 |
100 |
19 |
6 |
1071 |
Your child needs extra help in spelling. |
1.2480 |
0.04773 |
125 |
100 |
19 |
6 |
1072 |
Now, about putting some magic back into the old marriage... |
1.2480 |
0.04906 |
125 |
101 |
17 |
7 |
1073 |
It’s hopeless. You’re Gryffindor and she’s Slytherin. |
1.2479 |
0.05153 |
121 |
99 |
14 |
8 |
1074 |
Bring me the broomstick. |
1.2479 |
0.04879 |
121 |
97 |
18 |
6 |
1075 |
That was the old IRS. I already know your future." |
1.2479 |
0.05137 |
117 |
95 |
15 |
7 |
1076 |
It's simple. Conquer the galaxy, get the hat. |
1.2468 |
0.04370 |
158 |
128 |
21 |
9 |
1077 |
Yes, those actually are the views from my windows. Why? |
1.2468 |
0.04277 |
158 |
127 |
23 |
8 |
1078 |
What I’m hearing is there’s no magic in the bedroom anymore, and you’ve come to me to fix that. |
1.2468 |
0.04152 |
154 |
122 |
26 |
6 |
1079 |
This is how I see it: Men are from 14 Andromedae b, women are from 51 Pegasi b. |
1.2467 |
0.04530 |
150 |
122 |
19 |
9 |
1080 |
A lot of people seem to think what I do is all Hocus-Pocus. |
1.2466 |
0.04407 |
146 |
117 |
22 |
7 |
1081 |
Even I can't restore the magic. |
1.2465 |
0.04490 |
142 |
114 |
21 |
7 |
1082 |
Is everything okay at home? Josh just seems a little spacey in class lately. |
1.2465 |
0.04378 |
142 |
113 |
23 |
6 |
1083 |
Moonshot Travel’s executive package includes scented oxygen resupplies to your cabin, radiation shields, afternoon powdered tea, individualized urine recyclers, and a 100% outbound guarantee. |
1.2465 |
0.04600 |
142 |
115 |
19 |
8 |
1084 |
I mean, I'm no rocket scientist... |
1.2465 |
0.04378 |
142 |
113 |
23 |
6 |
1085 |
You are from Mars and he is from Venus; I have never come across this before . |
1.2464 |
0.04578 |
138 |
111 |
20 |
7 |
1086 |
I'm afraid your marriage is in retrograde. |
1.2464 |
0.04341 |
138 |
109 |
24 |
5 |
1087 |
I'll do what I can, but I'm going through a rough spell. |
1.2463 |
0.04295 |
134 |
105 |
25 |
4 |
1088 |
It’s a lot cheaper if you go during the offseason. |
1.2462 |
0.04768 |
130 |
105 |
18 |
7 |
1089 |
Believe me, I've tried every spell in the book with your kid. |
1.2462 |
0.04768 |
130 |
105 |
18 |
7 |
1090 |
Nothing to worry about, we're taking the Klan in a whole new direction. |
1.2459 |
0.05115 |
122 |
100 |
14 |
8 |
1091 |
I'm sort of a last resort for couples to find magic in the universe. |
1.2459 |
0.04843 |
122 |
98 |
18 |
6 |
1092 |
Now, about that 'Equality' myth here in Florida... |
1.2458 |
0.04953 |
118 |
95 |
17 |
6 |
1093 |
Why yes, it is cashmere. |
1.2458 |
0.05374 |
118 |
98 |
11 |
9 |
1094 |
So how long has your marriage been missing that "magic?" |
1.2456 |
0.04217 |
171 |
139 |
22 |
10 |
1095 |
The accounts department of Hogwarts isn't the most fun part of the school but it's where you end up when you fall behind on the fees. |
1.2455 |
0.05033 |
110 |
88 |
17 |
5 |
1096 |
My wife made the hat. |
1.2455 |
0.05196 |
110 |
89 |
15 |
6 |
1097 |
The stars say trading your 401k for some magic beans have a better shot. |
1.2453 |
0.04345 |
159 |
129 |
21 |
9 |
1098 |
You don't have cancer. That's only for those born June 22 to July 22. |
1.2453 |
0.05159 |
106 |
85 |
16 |
5 |
1099 |
Why are you here? |
1.2453 |
0.05330 |
106 |
86 |
14 |
6 |
1100 |
Mr. and Mrs. Davis I'm afraid your son has gone missing to another dimension. Not to worry, this isn't the first time it has happened to one of our students. |
1.2452 |
0.04422 |
155 |
126 |
20 |
9 |
1101 |
Choosing an investment counselor is an important decision. |
1.2452 |
0.04128 |
155 |
123 |
26 |
6 |
1102 |
Your son’s doing well in most of his classes, but unfortunately his math scores are in retrograde. |
1.2452 |
0.04128 |
155 |
123 |
26 |
6 |
1103 |
I’d like to talk to you about your cars extended warranty |
1.2452 |
0.04229 |
155 |
124 |
24 |
7 |
1104 |
I'd like to start with a brief incantation. |
1.2450 |
0.04303 |
151 |
121 |
23 |
7 |
1105 |
I can make all your problems disappear, but I'd still recommend you visit twice a week. |
1.2450 |
0.04092 |
151 |
119 |
27 |
5 |
1106 |
You think you got problems? My wife is a astronomer. |
1.2449 |
0.04588 |
147 |
120 |
18 |
9 |
1107 |
I am sorry, but I do not agree with your other witch doctor. |
1.2448 |
0.04236 |
143 |
113 |
25 |
5 |
1108 |
I'm sorry, but your tax situation is even beyond the powers of a mighty wizard." |
1.2448 |
0.04118 |
143 |
112 |
27 |
4 |
1109 |
Unfortunately,Your son has been expelled from our School of Wizardry for becoming Christian.... |
1.2448 |
0.04571 |
143 |
116 |
19 |
8 |
1110 |
So, you saw my ad for an agent to the stars. |
1.2446 |
0.04662 |
139 |
113 |
18 |
8 |
1111 |
Yes, it is a silly hat and robe, but I know things you don't. |
1.2446 |
0.04772 |
139 |
114 |
16 |
9 |
1112 |
really?...you've not used your Mars timeshare
even once this year? |
1.2446 |
0.04548 |
139 |
112 |
20 |
7 |
1113 |
No, no - I'm a cosmologist, I study wrinkles in time. |
1.2444 |
0.04872 |
135 |
111 |
15 |
9 |
1114 |
My last gig was in astrophysics, but people couldn't relate." |
1.2444 |
0.04757 |
135 |
110 |
17 |
8 |
1115 |
I should tell you that some may say that my approach is whacko. |
1.2443 |
0.04735 |
131 |
106 |
18 |
7 |
1116 |
This timeshare offer won't last long. |
1.2443 |
0.04347 |
131 |
103 |
24 |
4 |
1117 |
Merlin was my dad’s name, I’m Paul. |
1.2443 |
0.04068 |
131 |
101 |
28 |
2 |
1118 |
I'm afraid Harry has been apparating into the girl's locker room again. |
1.2441 |
0.04571 |
127 |
101 |
21 |
5 |
1119 |
I’m like Fox News. My job is to tell you what you want to hear, and get paid for it. |
1.2441 |
0.04706 |
127 |
102 |
19 |
6 |
1120 |
And for another $500 I’ll throw in a weekend on Neptune ..! |
1.2441 |
0.04432 |
127 |
100 |
23 |
4 |
1121 |
I want to reassure you that we fully support Gary's transition as a centaur. |
1.2441 |
0.04837 |
127 |
103 |
17 |
7 |
1122 |
Of course time travel is available. But not in your income bracket. |
1.2439 |
0.04944 |
123 |
100 |
16 |
7 |
1123 |
I think there's something bigger going on here. |
1.2439 |
0.04667 |
123 |
98 |
20 |
5 |
1124 |
I trained as an astro-physicist, but astrology gets you more respect |
1.2437 |
0.04411 |
160 |
131 |
19 |
10 |
1125 |
Let's just make sure that all of our planets are aligned |
1.2436 |
0.04490 |
156 |
128 |
18 |
10 |
1126 |
I'm sorry, I can't help you—I'm not a miracle worker. |
1.2435 |
0.05180 |
115 |
94 |
14 |
7 |
1127 |
Think of my services as a bus ride, not a
taxi ride.
You pay when you get on, not when you get off. |
1.2435 |
0.05467 |
115 |
96 |
10 |
9 |
1128 |
So you want to be a star |
1.2434 |
0.04069 |
152 |
120 |
27 |
5 |
1129 |
The stars no longer see you as aligned. |
1.2432 |
0.04354 |
148 |
119 |
22 |
7 |
1130 |
So you were over the moon when you first met and now…not so much? |
1.2432 |
0.04354 |
148 |
119 |
22 |
7 |
1131 |
When the spell is lifted, everyone will be able to understand Critical Race Theory. |
1.2432 |
0.05462 |
111 |
92 |
11 |
8 |
1132 |
Therapists keep telling us that spite can't hold a marriage together, so we're seeking a 47th opinion. |
1.2432 |
0.04853 |
148 |
124 |
12 |
12 |
1133 |
You're in luck. Jupiter aligned with Mars just as your loan application was being processed. |
1.2431 |
0.04543 |
144 |
117 |
19 |
8 |
1134 |
Qualified?....LSD in Astro-psychology UC Davis 69' |
1.2431 |
0.04648 |
144 |
118 |
17 |
9 |
1135 |
The laws of the universe being what they are, you really should’ve come to me first. |
1.2431 |
0.04543 |
144 |
117 |
19 |
8 |
1136 |
You're BOTH Leo's? I don't think we can help you. |
1.2430 |
0.05116 |
107 |
86 |
16 |
5 |
1137 |
Do you know why you're in the principal's office? |
1.2429 |
0.04286 |
140 |
111 |
24 |
5 |
1138 |
How long a commute are you willing to consider? |
1.2429 |
0.04164 |
140 |
110 |
26 |
4 |
1139 |
There’s no secret to a good relationship. It’s an illusion. |
1.2429 |
0.04519 |
140 |
113 |
20 |
7 |
1140 |
And for how long have you been identifying as a wizard? |
1.2427 |
0.05766 |
103 |
86 |
9 |
8 |
1141 |
Did you ask for the moon when you already had the stars? |
1.2426 |
0.04725 |
136 |
111 |
17 |
8 |
1142 |
You don't have to be a wizard to know your taxes are due. |
1.2426 |
0.04489 |
136 |
109 |
21 |
6 |
1143 |
We might be able to help since we're a brand-new government agency that's designed to determine your true medical costs. |
1.2424 |
0.04450 |
132 |
105 |
22 |
5 |
1144 |
So he promised you the moon and the stars? |
1.2424 |
0.04824 |
132 |
108 |
16 |
8 |
1145 |
So you'd like to adopt a star? |
1.2424 |
0.04450 |
132 |
105 |
22 |
5 |
1146 |
I told you it wasn't a zoom filter. |
1.2424 |
0.04396 |
165 |
136 |
18 |
11 |
1147 |
Why yes, I am a wizard! |
1.2422 |
0.04386 |
161 |
132 |
19 |
10 |
1148 |
Yes, we can guarantee you a magical adventure. And no, the price is not astronomical |
1.2422 |
0.03918 |
161 |
127 |
29 |
5 |
1149 |
We specialize in finding affordable real estate. |
1.2422 |
0.04802 |
128 |
104 |
17 |
7 |
1150 |
When you become Director of NASA,
then you can pick the uniforms! |
1.2422 |
0.04673 |
128 |
103 |
19 |
6 |
1151 |
I'm not a real wizard. I only play one in cartoons. |
1.2422 |
0.04802 |
128 |
104 |
17 |
7 |
1152 |
I’ll end your dry spell, but I can’t make your mother-in-law disappear. |
1.2420 |
0.04371 |
157 |
128 |
20 |
9 |
1153 |
Well, we do have an “all inclusive “ to the wonderful Land of Oz. |
1.2419 |
0.04908 |
124 |
101 |
16 |
7 |
1154 |
I guess what concerns us is the hat. |
1.2419 |
0.04773 |
124 |
100 |
18 |
6 |
1155 |
Alas, it seems the fault is in yourselves. |
1.2419 |
0.05040 |
124 |
102 |
14 |
8 |
1156 |
We can go two ways. Payment in advance, of course. |
1.2418 |
0.04150 |
153 |
122 |
25 |
6 |
1157 |
I can tell you have questions. |
1.2417 |
0.04879 |
120 |
97 |
17 |
6 |
1158 |
Trust me, I’m a wizard at picking stocks. |
1.2417 |
0.05292 |
120 |
100 |
11 |
9 |
1159 |
I never catch your daughter looking out the window during class. Not a good sign. |
1.2414 |
0.05140 |
116 |
95 |
14 |
7 |
1160 |
Elon insists all of his tax attorneys dress like this. |
1.2414 |
0.04514 |
145 |
118 |
19 |
8 |
1161 |
I can turn you into homeowners, but only in a parallel universe. |
1.2414 |
0.04514 |
145 |
118 |
19 |
8 |
1162 |
If the spell doesn’t work you should probably see a doctor. |
1.2414 |
0.04514 |
145 |
118 |
19 |
8 |
1163 |
Why do you need space in your marriage? |
1.2411 |
0.04602 |
141 |
115 |
18 |
8 |
1164 |
What made you think I had some kind of magical solution? |
1.2411 |
0.04490 |
141 |
114 |
20 |
7 |
1165 |
We think your daughter is somewhere between Earth and Mars, but our internet is down and my IT guy should be back tomorrow. |
1.2411 |
0.04616 |
112 |
88 |
21 |
3 |
1166 |
Among my eventually satisfied customers are Dorothy and her friends. |
1.2409 |
0.04459 |
137 |
110 |
21 |
6 |
1167 |
She’s from Mars? And you’re from Venus? |
1.2409 |
0.04917 |
137 |
114 |
13 |
10 |
1168 |
I can recommend some stellar investments |
1.2409 |
0.04694 |
137 |
112 |
17 |
8 |
1169 |
So, you're hoping to bring a little magic into the relationship? |
1.2409 |
0.04337 |
137 |
109 |
23 |
5 |
1170 |
Sorry, a happy marriage is not in the stars |
1.2406 |
0.04547 |
133 |
107 |
20 |
6 |
1171 |
...Or there’s always Canada. |
1.2406 |
0.04791 |
133 |
109 |
16 |
8 |
1172 |
I may look ridiculous but attendance at the planetarium has skyrocketed |
1.2405 |
0.04059 |
158 |
126 |
26 |
6 |
1173 |
Of course, if you include Pluto as a planet it's a little costlier. |
1.2403 |
0.04371 |
129 |
102 |
23 |
4 |
1174 |
I'll do my best, but I'm not a magician. |
1.2403 |
0.04769 |
129 |
105 |
17 |
7 |
1175 |
I’m sorry, but your new mortgage just isn’t written in the stars |
1.2403 |
0.04508 |
129 |
103 |
21 |
5 |
1176 |
We take a slightly different approach to wealth management. |
1.2403 |
0.04424 |
154 |
126 |
19 |
9 |
1177 |
Sorcery will not solve this. |
1.2403 |
0.04519 |
154 |
127 |
17 |
10 |
1178 |
I can't believe I'm saying this, but the problems in your relationship lie not in the stars, but within yourselves. |
1.2400 |
0.03746 |
150 |
116 |
32 |
2 |
1179 |
That's right, three percent interest, no money down. |
1.2400 |
0.04738 |
125 |
101 |
18 |
6 |
1180 |
We need to talk about your sun. |
1.2400 |
0.04311 |
125 |
98 |
24 |
3 |
1181 |
There is no scientific answer. I use a crystal ball and you can’t argue with that.” |
1.2400 |
0.04458 |
125 |
99 |
22 |
4 |
1182 |
It just makes my Wills and Trusts practice a little more exiting. |
1.2397 |
0.04380 |
146 |
118 |
21 |
7 |
1183 |
Whom were you expecting? |
1.2397 |
0.04843 |
121 |
98 |
17 |
6 |
1184 |
The front office lost your fortune, but I'm still a superb notary public. |
1.2397 |
0.05119 |
121 |
100 |
13 |
8 |
1185 |
What do you want me to do, wave a magic wand? |
1.2397 |
0.04698 |
121 |
97 |
19 |
5 |
1186 |
So you say the magic is no longer there. |
1.2395 |
0.03818 |
167 |
132 |
30 |
5 |
1187 |
I'm afraid there's nothing in your price range in the inner planets. Had you thought about a longer commute, such as Pluto? |
1.2394 |
0.04348 |
142 |
114 |
22 |
6 |
1188 |
I am from France. |
1.2394 |
0.04572 |
142 |
116 |
18 |
8 |
1189 |
The prospects of this investment are astronomical. |
1.2394 |
0.04572 |
142 |
116 |
18 |
8 |
1190 |
Before we begin, what's your sign? |
1.2393 |
0.04485 |
117 |
92 |
22 |
3 |
1191 |
What’s it going to take to get you into this geosynchronous orbit? |
1.2393 |
0.05242 |
117 |
97 |
12 |
8 |
1192 |
You married a Taurus, what did you expect? |
1.2393 |
0.04953 |
117 |
95 |
16 |
6 |
1193 |
Yes. No oxygen there. But also no income or real estate tax. |
1.2391 |
0.04185 |
138 |
109 |
25 |
4 |
1194 |
Sure, I have references; check my TikTok page. |
1.2391 |
0.04775 |
138 |
114 |
15 |
9 |
1195 |
It's not that the stars are against you. Your goals are just unrealistic. |
1.2391 |
0.04663 |
138 |
113 |
17 |
8 |
1196 |
I would like to help you stay firmly grounded. |
1.2391 |
0.04309 |
138 |
110 |
23 |
5 |
1197 |
As you might imagine, my rates are out of this world. |
1.2389 |
0.04749 |
113 |
90 |
19 |
4 |
1198 |
I was looking for something a little more predictable than banking. |
1.2389 |
0.05225 |
113 |
93 |
13 |
7 |
1199 |
'We like to take this opportunity to assure all parents of magically gifted children, THAT WOMAN does not speak for us!' |
1.2389 |
0.05071 |
113 |
92 |
15 |
6 |
1200 |
It's not in your heads. It's in Uranus. |
1.2388 |
0.04875 |
134 |
111 |
14 |
9 |
1201 |
I recommend your daughter study on Venus. Mars is mostly men. |
1.2388 |
0.04261 |
134 |
106 |
24 |
4 |
1202 |
Your stars show a divorce made in heaven. |
1.2388 |
0.04759 |
134 |
110 |
16 |
8 |
1203 |
Three magical words are - I love you. |
1.2385 |
0.05814 |
109 |
93 |
6 |
10 |
1204 |
The cloak came with the desk, so I thought, "When in Rome..." |
1.2385 |
0.05197 |
109 |
89 |
14 |
6 |
1205 |
Oh! Why um...that Colonial on Venus seems to urgh... have been taken. But we do have a wonderful split ranch on the dark... ugh, I mean far side of the moon! |
1.2385 |
0.04859 |
109 |
87 |
18 |
4 |
1206 |
🙌 ‘Picture it, Saturn…3055…’ |
1.2385 |
0.05666 |
109 |
92 |
8 |
9 |
1207 |
We offer the lowest mortgages in the known universe. |
1.2385 |
0.04341 |
130 |
103 |
23 |
4 |
1208 |
This a just s consultation. A potion will be extra. |
1.2384 |
0.04378 |
151 |
123 |
20 |
8 |
1209 |
At this time, I can only guarantee a one way flight. |
1.2384 |
0.04575 |
151 |
125 |
16 |
10 |
1210 |
I'm a magician, not a miracle worker. |
1.2381 |
0.04562 |
147 |
121 |
17 |
9 |
1211 |
Let’s chalk it up to muggles being muggles. |
1.2381 |
0.04704 |
126 |
102 |
18 |
6 |
1212 |
Secrets of the universe? Sorry no. I provide rumours of the neighborhood. |
1.2381 |
0.04019 |
147 |
116 |
27 |
4 |
1213 |
Whatever else you may have heard, the fault DOES lie in our stars. |
1.2381 |
0.04967 |
126 |
104 |
14 |
8 |
1214 |
Sorry, I can't perform miracles. |
1.2381 |
0.04567 |
126 |
101 |
20 |
5 |
1215 |
I can offer some gravity for your “spaced out” relationship |
1.2381 |
0.05158 |
105 |
85 |
15 |
5 |
1216 |
. "As it turns out, we are from another planet " |
1.2381 |
0.04245 |
147 |
118 |
23 |
6 |
1217 |
You need to diversify your portfolio and Earth isn’t looking too good right now. |
1.2378 |
0.04206 |
143 |
114 |
24 |
5 |
1218 |
Pluto was a difficult decision but we must stand by it. |
1.2378 |
0.04321 |
143 |
115 |
22 |
6 |
1219 |
And that’s how IVF works… |
1.2377 |
0.04363 |
122 |
96 |
23 |
3 |
1220 |
Our tuition is half of Hogwarts' |
1.2377 |
0.04807 |
122 |
99 |
17 |
6 |
1221 |
Well yes, a lot of bankers are failed astronomers, why do you ask? |
1.2377 |
0.04363 |
122 |
96 |
23 |
3 |
1222 |
It’s not like I can wave a magic wand and fix this marriage, but I’ve got some other tools. |
1.2377 |
0.04363 |
122 |
96 |
23 |
3 |
1223 |
I envision then advise. |
1.2376 |
0.05103 |
101 |
81 |
16 |
4 |
1224 |
This is an intergalactic flight, so there’s a thirty-five dollar luggage fee. |
1.2376 |
0.04905 |
101 |
80 |
18 |
3 |
1225 |
I see a nice little investment for you on one of the Carme group of Jovian satellites. |
1.2375 |
0.04388 |
160 |
132 |
18 |
10 |
1226 |
Do I LOOK like a miracle worker? |
1.2374 |
0.04744 |
139 |
115 |
15 |
9 |
1227 |
Oh Yes. Investing in the stock market is an exact science. |
1.2373 |
0.04915 |
118 |
96 |
16 |
6 |
1228 |
Empirical data is a thing of the past, whimsy is the order of the day. |
1.2373 |
0.04611 |
118 |
94 |
20 |
4 |
1229 |
Finding space won’t be an issue, but the escrow tends to take a bit longer. |
1.2370 |
0.04362 |
135 |
108 |
22 |
5 |
1230 |
The I.R.S. let's me wear the outfit as long as your return has some basis in reality. |
1.2370 |
0.04362 |
135 |
108 |
22 |
5 |
1231 |
Unfortunately,there is no Planetary Alignment which can assure a return to Pre Trump Normalcy. |
1.2368 |
0.05331 |
114 |
95 |
11 |
8 |
1232 |
I have a better track record than most financial planners. |
1.2368 |
0.04041 |
152 |
121 |
26 |
5 |
1233 |
Sorry - was I just wizardsplaining? |
1.2368 |
0.04874 |
114 |
92 |
17 |
5 |
1234 |
I can help you with celestial predictions on timing your investments and such. But naming a star after someone is across the hall. |
1.2368 |
0.05183 |
114 |
94 |
13 |
7 |
1235 |
On a per square foot basis, our real estate is some of the most affordable out there!" |
1.2366 |
0.04576 |
131 |
106 |
19 |
6 |
1236 |
I’m not Your average travel agent! |
1.2366 |
0.04446 |
131 |
105 |
21 |
5 |
1237 |
I assure you, my practice of black magic is NOT cultural appropriation. |
1.2365 |
0.04431 |
148 |
121 |
19 |
8 |
1238 |
I have a crater front lot available on Mars. |
1.2365 |
0.04534 |
148 |
122 |
17 |
9 |
1239 |
So you say "Oo ee oo ah ah ting tang walla walla bing bang." (-Raia, age 7) |
1.2365 |
0.04219 |
148 |
119 |
23 |
6 |
1240 |
This year’s special is the 12 day interplanetary loop with wine and moon excursions included. |
1.2362 |
0.04803 |
127 |
104 |
16 |
7 |
1241 |
So it looks like you're seeking some space in your relationship |
1.2362 |
0.04535 |
127 |
102 |
20 |
5 |
1242 |
You can expect both safety and growth with me managing your savings |
1.2362 |
0.04671 |
127 |
103 |
18 |
6 |
1243 |
Your son is failing spelling. |
1.2361 |
0.04180 |
144 |
115 |
24 |
5 |
1244 |
So you feel like you need more space? |
1.2361 |
0.04294 |
144 |
116 |
22 |
6 |
1245 |
Sorry, folks. There is no magic powerful
enough to save your marriage. |
1.2361 |
0.04294 |
144 |
116 |
22 |
6 |
1246 |
The test results say that you're a wizard. |
1.2358 |
0.04749 |
106 |
84 |
19 |
3 |
1247 |
It's not rocket science, butttt..... |
1.2358 |
0.04332 |
123 |
97 |
23 |
3 |
1248 |
We're branching out from cryptocurrency. |
1.2358 |
0.04630 |
123 |
99 |
19 |
5 |
1249 |
Apologies for the outfit, it’s laundry day. Where were we? |
1.2357 |
0.04489 |
140 |
114 |
19 |
7 |
1250 |
At this hospital, brain surgery is no science. |
1.2353 |
0.05058 |
102 |
82 |
16 |
4 |
1251 |
Let's start with getting you two feeling more grounded. |
1.2353 |
0.04457 |
136 |
110 |
20 |
6 |
1252 |
Your most influential planet is the one you're sitting on. |
1.2353 |
0.05775 |
102 |
86 |
8 |
8 |
1253 |
Sooo, after consulting our star charts, you are eligible for a loan. |
1.2353 |
0.04577 |
136 |
111 |
18 |
7 |
1254 |
Your son used ChatGPT on his spelling test and now he is lost somewhere in cyberspace. |
1.2349 |
0.04606 |
149 |
124 |
15 |
10 |
1255 |
Actually, I'm an astronomer - but no one believes me. |
1.2349 |
0.04404 |
149 |
122 |
19 |
8 |
1256 |
Why OF COURSE you will have enough to retire! |
1.2348 |
0.04283 |
132 |
105 |
23 |
4 |
1257 |
Gone are the days of dry tax accounting conversations. Show me your palm, Linda. |
1.2348 |
0.05028 |
132 |
111 |
11 |
10 |
1258 |
No, Mr. Wizard was my father. You can just call me Jimmy. |
1.2348 |
0.04991 |
115 |
94 |
15 |
6 |
1259 |
We take diversity very seriously here! |
1.2348 |
0.04676 |
115 |
92 |
19 |
4 |
1260 |
So what do you mean when you say white people are crazy ? |
1.2348 |
0.04836 |
115 |
93 |
17 |
5 |
1261 |
Abracadabra! Your marriage is fixed. You still owe for the whole hour, though. |
1.2348 |
0.04676 |
115 |
92 |
19 |
4 |
1262 |
Sorry I spaced out |
1.2345 |
0.04378 |
145 |
118 |
20 |
7 |
1263 |
It's a tough case, but luckily I can work magic. |
1.2344 |
0.04503 |
128 |
103 |
20 |
5 |
1264 |
I'm afraid your son is too smart and too rational to fit into our science department at Hogwash University. |
1.2342 |
0.05270 |
111 |
92 |
12 |
7 |
1265 |
I'm an astrologer, not a Psychiatrist! |
1.2342 |
0.04781 |
111 |
89 |
18 |
4 |
1266 |
Enough with the Arthurian negativity. Do you want to find the grail or not? |
1.2342 |
0.04781 |
111 |
89 |
18 |
4 |
1267 |
So, which planet would you like to visit today? We have some beautiful three bedroom homes for sale on Neptune?" |
1.2342 |
0.05270 |
111 |
92 |
12 |
7 |
1268 |
Trust me regarding your son. I know a star student when I see one. |
1.2342 |
0.04131 |
158 |
128 |
23 |
7 |
1269 |
You don't need a marriage counselor, you need a wizard. |
1.2342 |
0.04228 |
158 |
129 |
21 |
8 |
1270 |
I understand that you think your children are a bit spacey and here at our academy we encourage them to be full blown space cadets." |
1.2340 |
0.04461 |
141 |
115 |
19 |
7 |
1271 |
Horoscopes require your astrological sign, preferred pronoun, and political affiliation |
1.2340 |
0.04573 |
141 |
116 |
17 |
8 |
1272 |
Your guess is as good as mine |
1.2340 |
0.04573 |
141 |
116 |
17 |
8 |
1273 |
Earth? I think you’ll find more intelligent life in other galaxies. |
1.2340 |
0.04461 |
141 |
115 |
19 |
7 |
1274 |
Hey. My eyes are down here. |
1.2340 |
0.04461 |
141 |
115 |
19 |
7 |
1275 |
Let’s talk about your 401-K. |
1.2339 |
0.04873 |
124 |
102 |
15 |
7 |
1276 |
Remember, I only make money when you make money. |
1.2339 |
0.04596 |
124 |
100 |
19 |
5 |
1277 |
Technically, I'm an astrowizardist. |
1.2339 |
0.04596 |
124 |
100 |
19 |
5 |
1278 |
We just can't allow close encounters of the third kind on school property. |
1.2339 |
0.04873 |
124 |
102 |
15 |
7 |
1279 |
I can put you into a starter planet for a lot less than you’d think. |
1.2336 |
0.05568 |
107 |
90 |
9 |
8 |
1280 |
I know you might not have expected this kind of legal wizard. |
1.2336 |
0.05407 |
107 |
89 |
11 |
7 |
1281 |
Have I got an investment for you--its returns are out of this world! |
1.2336 |
0.05070 |
107 |
87 |
15 |
5 |
1282 |
I’ve found that dressing like this actually reduces the number of questions I get about the legitimacy of my astrological practice. |
1.2336 |
0.05407 |
107 |
89 |
11 |
7 |
1283 |
Bring me the flag from the Mississippi courthouse and I’ll grant your wish. |
1.2336 |
0.04178 |
137 |
109 |
24 |
4 |
1284 |
I do understand how being in alignment can be dull, but it's not all bad. Being star-crossed never ends well. |
1.2336 |
0.04664 |
137 |
113 |
16 |
8 |
1285 |
I can also advise you in cryptocurrency. |
1.2336 |
0.04305 |
137 |
110 |
22 |
5 |
1286 |
And for the low price of $19.95 I’ll make any of your paintings into custom pajamas. |
1.2336 |
0.04428 |
137 |
111 |
20 |
6 |
1287 |
When the moon hits your eyes like a big pizza pie, that's amore |
1.2333 |
0.04841 |
120 |
98 |
16 |
6 |
1288 |
Sorry, we don’t have any bucket-carrying brooms available at the moment. They’re all on strike. |
1.2333 |
0.04578 |
150 |
125 |
15 |
10 |
1289 |
Your stars are aligned my friends - no further visits required. |
1.2333 |
0.04694 |
120 |
97 |
18 |
5 |
1290 |
All extraterrestrial civilizations are definitely white, and no, my robe and cap are not reversible. |
1.2333 |
0.04984 |
120 |
99 |
14 |
7 |
1291 |
So, let me explain how an annuity works. |
1.2333 |
0.04386 |
120 |
95 |
22 |
3 |
1292 |
I can make all your troubles....disappear |
1.2333 |
0.04479 |
150 |
124 |
17 |
9 |
1293 |
You would have three nights every five years on Venus, with access to the main pool. |
1.2333 |
0.04378 |
150 |
123 |
19 |
8 |
1294 |
Dammit Jim, I’m a wizard not a doctor! |
1.2333 |
0.05122 |
120 |
100 |
12 |
8 |
1295 |
Restoring the magic is expensive and often temporary. Have you considered interdimensional travel? |
1.2331 |
0.04639 |
133 |
109 |
17 |
7 |
1296 |
Yes, I am indeed a magician. But I still cannot approve your mortgage application. |
1.2329 |
0.04351 |
146 |
119 |
20 |
7 |
1297 |
I'm sorry to say this, but your child's misbehavior is a bigger threat to Hogwarts than Voldemort ever was |
1.2329 |
0.04351 |
146 |
119 |
20 |
7 |
1298 |
we sent your son to pluto |
1.2328 |
0.04640 |
116 |
93 |
19 |
4 |
1299 |
My ESP tells me that, for the right price, you can be the first couple of color to have a true honey "moon" |
1.2328 |
0.05101 |
116 |
96 |
13 |
7 |
1300 |
Magic Eightball says you owe us $1,200 in tax and penalties. |
1.2328 |
0.04475 |
116 |
92 |
21 |
3 |
1301 |
I'm afraid I'm not qualified to give you fashion advice. |
1.2328 |
0.05387 |
116 |
98 |
9 |
9 |
1302 |
I am a wizard |
1.2328 |
0.05101 |
116 |
96 |
13 |
7 |
1303 |
Yes, you two came to the right place….. I am a Marriage Magician, and I can either make your marriage work….. or just disappear. |
1.2326 |
0.04335 |
129 |
103 |
22 |
4 |
1304 |
Your retirement funds are safe in my hands. I'm somewhat of a wizard with these things, I'm told. |
1.2326 |
0.04735 |
129 |
106 |
16 |
7 |
1305 |
I know crypto didn’t perform as well as we’d hoped, but there’s really no way of predicting something like that.
I mean, what do I look like? |
1.2326 |
0.04606 |
129 |
105 |
18 |
6 |
1306 |
Truth be told, I can predict and explain almost everything, but regrettably not your families! |
1.2324 |
0.04543 |
142 |
117 |
17 |
8 |
1307 |
It doesn’t matter which planet I teleport you to. White people got there first. |
1.2324 |
0.04318 |
142 |
115 |
21 |
6 |
1308 |
Unlike others who charge by the trick, we were able to unionize. |
1.2323 |
0.05712 |
99 |
83 |
9 |
7 |
1309 |
Now, can I help you with astrology or astronomy today? |
1.2323 |
0.06062 |
99 |
85 |
5 |
9 |
1310 |
You'll need to pass spellcheck. |
1.2320 |
0.04702 |
125 |
102 |
17 |
6 |
1311 |
I think the solution for saving your marriage is magic. |
1.2320 |
0.04419 |
125 |
100 |
21 |
4 |
1312 |
We like your son. He's spacey. |
1.2319 |
0.04517 |
138 |
113 |
18 |
7 |
1313 |
A one way ticket for two to the outer galaxy is $1,612,000 but you each will receive this hat and cape I am modeling. |
1.2319 |
0.04277 |
138 |
111 |
22 |
5 |
1314 |
I can't predict anything but I love wearing the hat! |
1.2319 |
0.04746 |
138 |
115 |
14 |
9 |
1315 |
It's Person of Wicca." |
1.2315 |
0.05028 |
108 |
88 |
15 |
5 |
1316 |
My approach to estate planning extends beyond earthly concerns. |
1.2314 |
0.04946 |
121 |
100 |
14 |
7 |
1317 |
The stars don't compel. And I don't take Medicare. |
1.2314 |
0.04659 |
121 |
98 |
18 |
5 |
1318 |
I predict that index funds will be the wave of the future |
1.2314 |
0.04805 |
121 |
99 |
16 |
6 |
1319 |
perhaps you'd prefer the Wizard of ID |
1.2314 |
0.04805 |
121 |
99 |
16 |
6 |
1320 |
We do offer a range of attractive packages should you decide to spend eternity together. |
1.2314 |
0.04354 |
121 |
96 |
22 |
3 |
1321 |
Therapy can’t fix this. |
1.2314 |
0.04946 |
121 |
100 |
14 |
7 |
1322 |
They call me "the Wizard of Wall Street." |
1.2313 |
0.04091 |
134 |
106 |
25 |
3 |
1323 |
Your daughter has been selling Saturn's rings to the other students as NFTs |
1.2312 |
0.04364 |
160 |
133 |
17 |
10 |
1324 |
If you’re serious I can have you orbiting in about 8 weeks. |
1.2308 |
0.04291 |
143 |
116 |
21 |
6 |
1325 |
So, while it is true that the survival rate for Capricorn / Sagittarius relationships is statistically very low, there are treatment options available, and it's important we don't give up hope. |
1.2308 |
0.04970 |
104 |
84 |
16 |
4 |
1326 |
There, you will be judged by the content of your character. |
1.2308 |
0.04573 |
130 |
106 |
18 |
6 |
1327 |
I mean seriously, do I need to spell it out for you? |
1.2308 |
0.04914 |
117 |
96 |
15 |
6 |
1328 |
Our goal is to put the universe back into university. |
1.2308 |
0.04914 |
117 |
96 |
15 |
6 |
1329 |
Obviously, I believe, the cornerstone to a healthy relationship is not taking yourself too seriously! |
1.2308 |
0.04914 |
117 |
96 |
15 |
6 |
1330 |
Our Firm bases it's futures on a highly risk averse algorithm. |
1.2308 |
0.04305 |
130 |
104 |
22 |
4 |
1331 |
Full disclosure: Not even I can predict what the Fed will do next. |
1.2303 |
0.04325 |
152 |
125 |
19 |
8 |
1332 |
As your financial planner, I will make sure all the stars are aligned before purchasing stocks for your portfolio. |
1.2302 |
0.04488 |
139 |
114 |
18 |
7 |
1333 |
Well, an astronomical experience requires an astronomical cost." |
1.2302 |
0.04488 |
139 |
114 |
18 |
7 |
1334 |
We're a different kind of IVF clinic Mr. & Mrs. Jones. |
1.2302 |
0.04602 |
139 |
115 |
16 |
8 |
1335 |
Look, I can't just magically fix things. |
1.2302 |
0.04370 |
139 |
113 |
20 |
6 |
1336 |
I’m sorry. Magical thinking just isn’t going to work in your case. |
1.2302 |
0.04668 |
126 |
103 |
17 |
6 |
1337 |
Visa approvals typically take light years." |
1.2302 |
0.04241 |
126 |
100 |
23 |
3 |
1338 |
I’m afraid you misheard me. I said the *hex* would be out of this world. |
1.2302 |
0.04933 |
126 |
105 |
13 |
8 |
1339 |
We’ll, I’m not a magician, but I think I can help. |
1.2301 |
0.04705 |
113 |
91 |
18 |
4 |
1340 |
' Naming a star can be pretty expensive but I think I can find you a good meteor' |
1.2301 |
0.04705 |
113 |
91 |
18 |
4 |
1341 |
5 magic words to change your life: time-share condo on Mars. |
1.2300 |
0.05291 |
100 |
82 |
13 |
5 |
1342 |
A 3.8 GPA? Maybe a 2nd tier state school. Do I look like a magician? |
1.2298 |
0.04156 |
161 |
132 |
21 |
8 |
1343 |
Did I mention there's no property tax on Mars? |
1.2297 |
0.04078 |
148 |
119 |
24 |
5 |
1344 |
Look, I’m only a wizard. |
1.2296 |
0.04064 |
135 |
107 |
25 |
3 |
1345 |
What made you think I’d have the ‘magic solution’ to your problems? |
1.2296 |
0.04695 |
135 |
112 |
15 |
8 |
1346 |
no hocus pocus here |
1.2296 |
0.04454 |
135 |
110 |
19 |
6 |
1347 |
You know, I'm not a magician, just a wizard! |
1.2295 |
0.04909 |
122 |
101 |
14 |
7 |
1348 |
It's all an illusion. You're sitting in your backyard. |
1.2295 |
0.04769 |
122 |
100 |
16 |
6 |
1349 |
Look, I’m no wizard! |
1.2295 |
0.04322 |
122 |
97 |
22 |
3 |
1350 |
I’m the only astrologer / marriage license probate in the state. |
1.2294 |
0.05154 |
109 |
90 |
13 |
6 |
1351 |
So the Magic School Bus seems to have had an unsuccessful return from their field trip... |
1.2292 |
0.05635 |
96 |
80 |
10 |
6 |
1352 |
So you both believe free will is an illusion? |
1.2292 |
0.04794 |
96 |
76 |
18 |
2 |
1353 |
While our firm practices all due diligence
with your investments,
past phantasmagorical returns are no guarantee of future phantasmagorical returns. |
1.2292 |
0.04376 |
144 |
118 |
19 |
7 |
1354 |
Thank you for applying for NASA’s colonization program. |
1.2292 |
0.04264 |
144 |
117 |
21 |
6 |
1355 |
In this classroom we teach facts and science. Now, is your card the 7 of hearts?” |
1.2292 |
0.05017 |
96 |
77 |
16 |
3 |
1356 |
I don't believe it's Cancer, but I'll need to take a closer look at Uranus. |
1.2290 |
0.04793 |
131 |
109 |
14 |
8 |
1357 |
First, let me assure you that my financial planning methods are highly scientific. |
1.2290 |
0.04669 |
131 |
108 |
16 |
7 |
1358 |
I feel you two will be fine, you just need a little space. |
1.2290 |
0.04542 |
131 |
107 |
18 |
6 |
1359 |
We’re having serious concerns about your daughter’s spelling. |
1.2290 |
0.04542 |
131 |
107 |
18 |
6 |
1360 |
As your accountant, I can only offer advice, I can’t tell you what to do. |
1.2288 |
0.04876 |
118 |
97 |
15 |
6 |
1361 |
On your budget, you can only buy her the moon. |
1.2288 |
0.04725 |
118 |
96 |
17 |
5 |
1362 |
I’m sorry. “Abracadabra” won’t bring back the zing here. No hat, no rabbit. |
1.2288 |
0.04569 |
118 |
95 |
19 |
4 |
1363 |
Any trepidations about the universe before we begin? |
1.2288 |
0.04725 |
118 |
96 |
17 |
5 |
1364 |
I prefer the term Warlock. |
1.2288 |
0.04569 |
118 |
95 |
19 |
4 |
1365 |
We all know that marriage isn’t magic - But that doesn’t mean divorce can’t be. |
1.2286 |
0.04928 |
105 |
85 |
16 |
4 |
1366 |
We are looking to escape Trump World. |
1.2286 |
0.05622 |
105 |
89 |
8 |
8 |
1367 |
This is not the Magic Mike I wanted for my birthday, Jerry |
1.2286 |
0.04459 |
140 |
115 |
18 |
7 |
1368 |
I regret to inform you, but it’s not in the stars for you two. |
1.2284 |
0.04133 |
162 |
133 |
21 |
8 |
1369 |
What leads you to believe I can put the magic back into your marriage? |
1.2283 |
0.04635 |
127 |
104 |
17 |
6 |
1370 |
First of all, there’s no truth to the claim that men are from Mars, women are from Venus… |
1.2283 |
0.04060 |
127 |
100 |
25 |
2 |
1371 |
We’re re-branding: welcome to
Saturn Venus Bank. |
1.2283 |
0.04635 |
127 |
104 |
17 |
6 |
1372 |
Yes on handling the dragon, but no on doing your taxes. |
1.2282 |
0.04164 |
149 |
121 |
22 |
6 |
1373 |
First, what are your signs? |
1.2281 |
0.04831 |
114 |
93 |
16 |
5 |
1374 |
Our investment options are out of this world! |
1.2281 |
0.04668 |
114 |
92 |
18 |
4 |
1375 |
Actually, I don't think I have a spell strong enough to convince your child to stop watching TikTok. |
1.2281 |
0.04831 |
114 |
93 |
16 |
5 |
1376 |
Of course your investment is safe with me, those other guys are missing the bigger picture. |
1.2281 |
0.05143 |
114 |
95 |
12 |
7 |
1377 |
Your marriage doesn't need a wizard - it needs a miracle! |
1.2279 |
0.04779 |
136 |
114 |
13 |
9 |
1378 |
It’s my best guess. |
1.2279 |
0.04545 |
136 |
112 |
17 |
7 |
1379 |
If you're hired, how much can you pretend ? |
1.2278 |
0.04105 |
158 |
129 |
22 |
7 |
1380 |
I've gotta be honest- your student creeps me out. |
1.2277 |
0.05243 |
101 |
83 |
13 |
5 |
1381 |
Your name may very well be Oz, but I’m not your wizard. |
1.2276 |
0.04591 |
123 |
100 |
18 |
5 |
1382 |
Gazing is free! |
1.2276 |
0.04591 |
123 |
100 |
18 |
5 |
1383 |
Am going to lose it if someone asks again whether I have crystal balls under this outfit. |
1.2276 |
0.04132 |
123 |
97 |
24 |
2 |
1384 |
You two have to do the work.
Despite appearances I'm not a magician. |
1.2273 |
0.04381 |
132 |
107 |
20 |
5 |
1385 |
You’ll do fine. My last apprentice was a mouse and now he runs one of the biggest companies in the world.” |
1.2273 |
0.04511 |
132 |
108 |
18 |
6 |
1386 |
As a trained economist, I can confidently make the following prediction … |
1.2273 |
0.05111 |
110 |
91 |
13 |
6 |
1387 |
Sorry, parking validation is not in your stars. |
1.2273 |
0.04511 |
132 |
108 |
18 |
6 |
1388 |
So, you’re interested in opening a crypto account. |
1.2273 |
0.04511 |
132 |
108 |
18 |
6 |
1389 |
When the moon is in the seventh house, I’d itemize deductions for 1 through 6. |
1.2273 |
0.05271 |
110 |
92 |
11 |
7 |
1390 |
Your finances will be guided by a diversified strategy: a wand, a spell, and the position of my cousin's warts. |
1.2273 |
0.05111 |
110 |
91 |
13 |
6 |
1391 |
Around here, we never talk about God's eighth day. |
1.2270 |
0.04430 |
141 |
116 |
18 |
7 |
1392 |
Your next home will have all of the modern features you're used to, other than an atmosphere, that is." |
1.2269 |
0.04209 |
119 |
94 |
23 |
2 |
1393 |
We can’t all be Harry Potter…some of us have to work a living.” |
1.2269 |
0.04839 |
119 |
98 |
15 |
6 |
1394 |
Our returns are out of this world. |
1.2269 |
0.04209 |
119 |
94 |
23 |
2 |
1395 |
As principal of the school I cannot foresee a need to teach CRT . And why are you here today, Mr and Mrs Lincoln? |
1.2268 |
0.05582 |
97 |
81 |
10 |
6 |
1396 |
Is your child a space cadet? We want them. |
1.2266 |
0.04466 |
128 |
104 |
19 |
5 |
1397 |
I told my wife I needed space. |
1.2266 |
0.04602 |
128 |
105 |
17 |
6 |
1398 |
Thought I’d focus less on the financial and more on the wizard. |
1.2266 |
0.04734 |
128 |
106 |
15 |
7 |
1399 |
Yeah, I loved "Sol Train," too. |
1.2266 |
0.04602 |
128 |
105 |
17 |
6 |
1400 |
We generally don’t like to split couples up, but the Sorting Hat insisted that you’re in Hufflepuff and you’re in Gryffindor. |
1.2266 |
0.04466 |
128 |
104 |
19 |
5 |
1401 |
Sadly, The Stars Say Your Relationship is Misaligned. |
1.2266 |
0.04466 |
128 |
104 |
19 |
5 |
1402 |
Your astral projections are not looking so hot this quarter |
1.2266 |
0.04602 |
128 |
105 |
17 |
6 |
1403 |
George,you said when you're feeling this way that you need more "space". Can you elaborate on that? |
1.2263 |
0.04271 |
137 |
111 |
21 |
5 |
1404 |
I'm sorry, but I'm afraid your school voucher simply isn't going to work here at Hogwarts. |
1.2261 |
0.04950 |
115 |
95 |
14 |
6 |
1405 |
I see very bad things ahead for you as a result of your wearing those shoes before Memorial Day |
1.2261 |
0.05249 |
115 |
97 |
10 |
8 |
1406 |
When the moon is in the Seventh House
And Jupiter aligns with Mars
Then peace will guide the planets
And you will be audited in the fall.... |
1.2261 |
0.04793 |
115 |
94 |
16 |
5 |
1407 |
No... it's not laundry day, why do you ask? |
1.2261 |
0.04793 |
115 |
94 |
16 |
5 |
1408 |
You're a Leo and she's a Pisces. It's a miracle you're still married. |
1.2258 |
0.04103 |
124 |
98 |
24 |
2 |
1409 |
It wasn’t until my senior year at Hogwart’s that I fell in love with accounting. |
1.2258 |
0.04557 |
124 |
101 |
18 |
5 |
1410 |
Well, it might speed things up if you two could bring the Eye of Newt. |
1.2258 |
0.04557 |
124 |
101 |
18 |
5 |
1411 |
Actually, I'm only an accounting wizard. |
1.2256 |
0.04480 |
133 |
109 |
18 |
6 |
1412 |
This time share opportunity is out of this world. |
1.2256 |
0.04480 |
133 |
109 |
18 |
6 |
1413 |
Yes, I’ve had many years experience at Microsoft. |
1.2256 |
0.04605 |
133 |
110 |
16 |
7 |
1414 |
I found it in a second hand store in Mississippi. |
1.2255 |
0.05380 |
102 |
85 |
11 |
6 |
1415 |
Our premium package includes three planets and four moons |
1.2254 |
0.04514 |
142 |
118 |
16 |
8 |
1416 |
I can't just make your problems disappear. |
1.2252 |
0.04735 |
111 |
90 |
17 |
4 |
1417 |
I think you both need a little space. |
1.2252 |
0.04904 |
111 |
91 |
15 |
5 |
1418 |
Will you be traveling together in the same time-space continuum? |
1.2252 |
0.04904 |
111 |
91 |
15 |
5 |
1419 |
I think we can get the magic back in your marriage. |
1.2250 |
0.04342 |
120 |
96 |
21 |
3 |
1420 |
When I said 'Clan" of course that's spelled with a 'C'!" |
1.2250 |
0.04654 |
120 |
98 |
17 |
5 |
1421 |
So, what are you hoping to get from these sessions? |
1.2250 |
0.04802 |
120 |
99 |
15 |
6 |
1422 |
Im afraid hell need a 1600 on his birthchart to get in. |
1.2250 |
0.04654 |
120 |
98 |
17 |
5 |
1423 |
I’m afraid “the magic” has left your relationship. |
1.2250 |
0.04654 |
120 |
98 |
17 |
5 |
1424 |
It’s a regularly reimagined display: next week we’ll have diplomas and stock charts and I’ll be in a suit. Come back then if it would make you feel better. |
1.2248 |
0.04435 |
129 |
105 |
19 |
5 |
1425 |
So....you want an out-of-world experience. I can do that. |
1.2248 |
0.04435 |
129 |
105 |
19 |
5 |
1426 |
As you may have noticed, our Space Camp goes for a NASA meets Hogwarts vibe. |
1.2248 |
0.04153 |
129 |
103 |
23 |
3 |
1427 |
I'm Professor Constellation, but my friends call me 'Distant'. |
1.2246 |
0.04602 |
138 |
115 |
15 |
8 |
1428 |
So you want to live in interesting times. We'll have I got a place for you. |
1.2246 |
0.04602 |
138 |
115 |
15 |
8 |
1429 |
My great grandfather was named Merlin, my name is Myron, can I interest you fine folks in a beautiful time-share unit in the heart of Camelot? |
1.2246 |
0.04602 |
138 |
115 |
15 |
8 |
1430 |
Can my wife become a Shriner also? |
1.2245 |
0.04185 |
147 |
120 |
21 |
6 |
1431 |
So your kid is failing science. What do you expect of me? |
1.2245 |
0.05335 |
98 |
81 |
12 |
5 |
1432 |
If you’d believe it, being a relationship therapist wasn’t my first choice career. |
1.2245 |
0.04185 |
147 |
120 |
21 |
6 |
1433 |
So when did you first lose faith in my recommendations? |
1.2243 |
0.05023 |
107 |
88 |
14 |
5 |
1434 |
Let me tell you a bit about astrotherapy. |
1.2241 |
0.04756 |
116 |
95 |
16 |
5 |
1435 |
No,as I said before,your child can still live in the Milky Way even though they are lactose intolerant. |
1.2241 |
0.04596 |
116 |
94 |
18 |
4 |
1436 |
The crystal ball is out of service, so I’ve been called in. |
1.2241 |
0.04596 |
116 |
94 |
18 |
4 |
1437 |
Here at Hogwarts, we expect all our children to spell. |
1.2241 |
0.04911 |
116 |
96 |
14 |
6 |
1438 |
Do you think anybody in the universe cares about YOUR problems? |
1.2240 |
0.04524 |
125 |
102 |
18 |
5 |
1439 |
Typically I would advise you to sing “twinkle twinkle little star” together…but your marital problems may require a rendition of “rocket man” |
1.2240 |
0.04379 |
125 |
101 |
20 |
4 |
1440 |
Unlike what some couples think.....counseling is not magic." |
1.2240 |
0.04524 |
125 |
102 |
18 |
5 |
1441 |
So about that investment in Abracadabra inc.,it seems like your stock has magically disappeared. |
1.2240 |
0.04074 |
125 |
99 |
24 |
2 |
1442 |
Mars and Venus? Ha! Men and women are actually from different galaxies. |
1.2239 |
0.04322 |
134 |
109 |
20 |
5 |
1443 |
I called you in because your son made the Moon dissapear |
1.2238 |
0.04593 |
143 |
120 |
14 |
9 |
1444 |
I'm sorry. It's Cancer. |
1.2238 |
0.04259 |
143 |
117 |
20 |
6 |
1445 |
And that is how I found the magical world of car insurance. |
1.2238 |
0.04142 |
143 |
116 |
22 |
5 |
1446 |
We take our fertility work very seriously here. |
1.2238 |
0.04593 |
143 |
120 |
14 |
9 |
1447 |
Rest assured, your cremains will be scattered in the best galaxy. |
1.2236 |
0.03410 |
161 |
126 |
34 |
1 |
1448 |
I'm sorry, but two virgos together will only end in murder. |
1.2233 |
0.05332 |
103 |
86 |
11 |
6 |
1449 |
No, we're not that Scientology. |
1.2233 |
0.04962 |
103 |
84 |
15 |
4 |
1450 |
I just don't know. |
1.2233 |
0.04962 |
103 |
84 |
15 |
4 |
1451 |
I deal with planetary rotation. For crop rotation, you need to consult the agronomy department. |
1.2233 |
0.04766 |
103 |
83 |
17 |
3 |
1452 |
You can't expect ME to have all the answers! |
1.2232 |
0.05185 |
112 |
94 |
11 |
7 |
1453 |
Solipsism makes it hard to connect. |
1.2232 |
0.04696 |
112 |
91 |
17 |
4 |
1454 |
Our financing IS "Out of This World"—but it's still 6% APR. |
1.2231 |
0.04467 |
121 |
98 |
19 |
4 |
1455 |
We’re concerned your child isn’t spacey enough. |
1.2231 |
0.04404 |
130 |
106 |
19 |
5 |
1456 |
I think you both need more space. |
1.2231 |
0.04667 |
130 |
108 |
15 |
7 |
1457 |
Well, yes. It does have a tinfoil lining. Why do you ask? |
1.2231 |
0.04667 |
130 |
108 |
15 |
7 |
1458 |
Your child is too down-to-earth for our school. |
1.2231 |
0.04125 |
130 |
104 |
23 |
3 |
1459 |
I advise you to sell. |
1.2230 |
0.04215 |
139 |
113 |
21 |
5 |
1460 |
I can help with other things, but for finance you need a specialist. |
1.2230 |
0.04456 |
139 |
115 |
17 |
7 |
1461 |
This type of therapy is not covered by your insurance. |
1.2230 |
0.04456 |
139 |
115 |
17 |
7 |
1462 |
I have to level with you -- my own horoscope says it's all hopeless. |
1.2230 |
0.04456 |
139 |
115 |
17 |
7 |
1463 |
Dr. DeGrasse Tyson, I’ve ask you here to talk to you about Pluto. |
1.2230 |
0.04215 |
139 |
113 |
21 |
5 |
1464 |
I’m sorry. We didn’t see this coming |
1.2230 |
0.03932 |
148 |
119 |
25 |
4 |
1465 |
I've been chief adviser to an ex- president. |
1.2222 |
0.04396 |
117 |
94 |
20 |
3 |
1466 |
I don't know if that planet will accept minorities, either. |
1.2222 |
0.04419 |
135 |
111 |
18 |
6 |
1467 |
I'm a wizard, not a miracle worker. |
1.2222 |
0.04396 |
117 |
94 |
20 |
3 |
1468 |
Upon reflection, I may not be the best financial advisor around. |
1.2222 |
0.04719 |
117 |
96 |
16 |
5 |
1469 |
But Portugal is also nice this time of year. |
1.2222 |
0.04419 |
135 |
111 |
18 |
6 |
1470 |
As your family wizard, I strongly suggest you diversify your portfolio. Hey, wanna see me turn into a snake? |
1.2222 |
0.05286 |
99 |
82 |
12 |
5 |
1471 |
I'm sorry to report that your son has been dabbling in Astronomy. |
1.2222 |
0.05166 |
117 |
99 |
10 |
8 |
1472 |
It’s just my side gig. |
1.2222 |
0.05151 |
108 |
90 |
12 |
6 |
1473 |
Magic can be astonishingly arbitrary. My spell can only give your son an A in courses with numbers divisible by three. |
1.2222 |
0.05087 |
99 |
81 |
14 |
4 |
1474 |
You don't have to be mad to work here - but I am. |
1.2222 |
0.05166 |
117 |
99 |
10 |
8 |
1475 |
So, tell me about your space. |
1.2222 |
0.04981 |
108 |
89 |
14 |
5 |
1476 |
Everyone’s situation and risk tolerance is different, but 40% magic beans, 30% gold-egg-laying geese, and the rest in Crypto is a good starting place |
1.2222 |
0.04766 |
126 |
105 |
14 |
7 |
1477 |
If the Moon were in the Seventh House and Jupiter aligned with Mars I would agree with you. |
1.2222 |
0.04348 |
126 |
102 |
20 |
4 |
1478 |
I wish I could wave a magic wand and make this disappear |
1.2222 |
0.04200 |
126 |
101 |
22 |
3 |
1479 |
He promised the moon and the stars?Why would you need more? |
1.2222 |
0.04766 |
126 |
105 |
14 |
7 |
1480 |
Nowhere in our contract does it state that A Wrinkle In Timeshare would provide transportation. |
1.2222 |
0.04396 |
117 |
94 |
20 |
3 |
1481 |
Location, location, location! And with zero gravity, you'll never have to worry about sinking property values. |
1.2222 |
0.04719 |
117 |
96 |
16 |
5 |
1482 |
At Universe University our curriculum is out of this world. |
1.2222 |
0.04419 |
135 |
111 |
18 |
6 |
1483 |
Here we teach kids that if you cannot join the stars, wear them. |
1.2214 |
0.04374 |
131 |
107 |
19 |
5 |
1484 |
No, you’re in the right place, you were thinking of the other Grand Wizard. |
1.2214 |
0.05000 |
131 |
112 |
9 |
10 |
1485 |
I wanted an office with more space. |
1.2213 |
0.03949 |
122 |
96 |
25 |
1 |
1486 |
Well, our take on life insurance is a bit different... |
1.2213 |
0.05008 |
122 |
103 |
11 |
8 |
1487 |
In addition to giving you very solid investment advise, I'm going to tell you this fall's World Series winner and next year's election results." |
1.2213 |
0.04434 |
122 |
99 |
19 |
4 |
1488 |
Sorry I lost all your money but I did warn you I’m not a financial wizard. |
1.2212 |
0.04825 |
113 |
93 |
15 |
5 |
1489 |
They told us this was the place to report our abduction? |
1.2212 |
0.04986 |
113 |
94 |
13 |
6 |
1490 |
When I said "Take her to the moon," it was more of a metaphor |
1.2212 |
0.04825 |
113 |
93 |
15 |
5 |
1491 |
Unfortunate typo. Yale is normally impressive, but we’re looking for someone with more relevant experience |
1.2212 |
0.04659 |
113 |
92 |
17 |
4 |
1492 |
People trust us a lot more now that we changed the name to The Magic Department |
1.2212 |
0.05142 |
113 |
95 |
11 |
7 |
1493 |
If the commute isn't a concern, I can show you our newest planned subdivision. |
1.2212 |
0.04918 |
104 |
85 |
15 |
4 |
1494 |
I decorated with AI. |
1.2212 |
0.04523 |
104 |
83 |
19 |
2 |
1495 |
Good food *and* a good location? I'm sorry, even I can't do that. |
1.2206 |
0.04390 |
136 |
112 |
18 |
6 |
1496 |
And if we're going to work together, you have to stop saying "Gee whiz." |
1.2206 |
0.04000 |
136 |
109 |
24 |
3 |
1497 |
I know I have the hat and robe, but I’m not a miracle worker. |
1.2206 |
0.04264 |
136 |
111 |
20 |
5 |
1498 |
I'm no rocket scientist but... |
1.2205 |
0.04598 |
127 |
105 |
16 |
6 |
1499 |
Look, I am a wizard at accounting but you wanted to write off what? |
1.2205 |
0.04460 |
127 |
104 |
18 |
5 |
1500 |
Yes, I'm certified as a financial planner; this just helps to manage expectations. |
1.2205 |
0.04598 |
127 |
105 |
16 |
6 |
1501 |
What did you think we meant when we said our timeshares were a magical experience? |
1.2205 |
0.04598 |
127 |
105 |
16 |
6 |
1502 |
The rewards of opening an account with us are absolutely out of this world. |
1.2203 |
0.04835 |
118 |
98 |
14 |
6 |
1503 |
Just so we're clear -
My name is Larry Trotter, I'm a magician, not a wizard.
And although it's not my field of expertise, from what I recall, men are from MARS, not Uranus.
I'm free for kids' parties and weddings. I don't do relationship advice. |
1.2203 |
0.04835 |
118 |
98 |
14 |
6 |
1504 |
Nothing we do seems to be working against these interest rates. |
1.2203 |
0.04525 |
118 |
96 |
18 |
4 |
1505 |
Have you tried using a combustion spell to rekindle the spark? |
1.2203 |
0.04982 |
118 |
99 |
12 |
7 |
1506 |
Interest rates may be out of this world, but that is where we come in. |
1.2202 |
0.05108 |
109 |
91 |
12 |
6 |
1507 |
To open a new account for you, I'm just going to need to see your crystal ball. |
1.2202 |
0.04764 |
109 |
89 |
16 |
4 |
1508 |
Nothin’ up my sleeve |
1.2202 |
0.05108 |
109 |
91 |
12 |
6 |
1509 |
Let's ponder your dilemma for a spell. |
1.2202 |
0.04764 |
109 |
89 |
16 |
4 |
1510 |
I guess we should’ve done this via zoom. |
1.2202 |
0.04393 |
109 |
87 |
20 |
2 |
1511 |
Saturn is in conjunction with Aries the RAM and Ford Taurus so it’s a good time to buy a car. |
1.2200 |
0.05041 |
100 |
82 |
14 |
4 |
1512 |
I’m not a wizard, I just really like things with an outer space theme. |
1.2200 |
0.04837 |
100 |
81 |
16 |
3 |
1513 |
I don't think you can join, I mean, you didn't even know the sun is a star. |
1.2197 |
0.04726 |
132 |
111 |
13 |
8 |
1514 |
The "no pet policy" here at Waverly Place has one exception: Owls. |
1.2197 |
0.04344 |
132 |
108 |
19 |
5 |
1515 |
Unfortunately The Age of Aquarius Is No Longer An Option! |
1.2197 |
0.04344 |
132 |
108 |
19 |
5 |
1516 |
I’d like to talk about your cars extended warranty, we have options.. |
1.2197 |
0.04475 |
132 |
109 |
17 |
6 |
1517 |
No, we are not affiliated with the Star Trek Academy. |
1.2195 |
0.04695 |
123 |
102 |
15 |
6 |
1518 |
I’d like to take a moment to talk to you about your broom’s extended warranty |
1.2195 |
0.04551 |
123 |
101 |
17 |
5 |
1519 |
Even in your seventh house, you've got to remember to lower the toilet seat." |
1.2193 |
0.04622 |
114 |
93 |
17 |
4 |
1520 |
I'm not interested in Uranus. |
1.2193 |
0.04622 |
114 |
93 |
17 |
4 |
1521 |
These tough conversations about your sexual relationship would be much heavier if we conducted them on Jupiter. |
1.2193 |
0.04622 |
114 |
93 |
17 |
4 |
1522 |
I’m sorry, there’s no spell to make housing affordable. |
1.2193 |
0.04622 |
114 |
93 |
17 |
4 |
1523 |
Why don’t you take a trip to your own anuses? |
1.2193 |
0.04946 |
114 |
95 |
13 |
6 |
1524 |
I went to Mars in '21, and I'm due back any day now. Questions? |
1.2192 |
0.04291 |
146 |
121 |
18 |
7 |
1525 |
I'm sorry to inform you that your request for magic beans was not approved. |
1.2192 |
0.04291 |
146 |
121 |
18 |
7 |
1526 |
There's been a bit of a misunderstanding about last night's "white tie formal" and my regrettable wardrobe decisions. As you can see, I always wear a hat like this, and a cloak. It's my religion, and the constitution protects it. |
1.2190 |
0.04876 |
105 |
86 |
15 |
4 |
1527 |
So, let's start at the beginning. |
1.2190 |
0.04876 |
105 |
86 |
15 |
4 |
1528 |
So, the moon was in the seventh house, and Jupiter aligned with Mars. What happened next....? |
1.2190 |
0.05238 |
105 |
88 |
11 |
6 |
1529 |
No, not his attitude, it's just that he's been turned into a frog |
1.2190 |
0.05060 |
105 |
87 |
13 |
5 |
1530 |
Even though I’m a financial wizard, somehow your life savings went ‘Poof’. |
1.2190 |
0.04600 |
137 |
115 |
14 |
8 |
1531 |
We can offer an economy Uranus package but can't promise a return trip to Kansas. |
1.2188 |
0.04565 |
128 |
106 |
16 |
6 |
1532 |
As for the getup, patients have been more receptive to "oz" than "doctor" recently. |
1.2188 |
0.04698 |
128 |
107 |
14 |
7 |
1533 |
I'm just your marriage counselor---why do you expect me to do magic? |
1.2188 |
0.04428 |
128 |
105 |
18 |
5 |
1534 |
Have you considered the possibility that your issues are the result of a temporal paradox caused by your future selves meddling in your past? |
1.2188 |
0.04428 |
128 |
105 |
18 |
5 |
1535 |
My prediction is there's a 50/50 chance the marriage will work. |
1.2185 |
0.04647 |
119 |
98 |
16 |
5 |
1536 |
The first thing I tell my clients- there is no such thing as too much space." |
1.2183 |
0.04370 |
142 |
118 |
17 |
7 |
1537 |
Sorry, but down to earth solutions sold out last year. |
1.2183 |
0.04012 |
142 |
115 |
23 |
4 |
1538 |
What I can tell you with 100% certainty is the Knicks will not win the title this year. |
1.2182 |
0.04545 |
110 |
89 |
18 |
3 |
1539 |
What I do here is out of this world. |
1.2182 |
0.04725 |
110 |
90 |
16 |
4 |
1540 |
It's Laundry Day... |
1.2182 |
0.05065 |
110 |
92 |
12 |
6 |
1541 |
I did say the property is out of this world. |
1.2182 |
0.04725 |
110 |
90 |
16 |
4 |
1542 |
Speaking professionally as your wizard, I’m afraid we’re all out of spells at this time - but you know [quietly] as your friend, well let’s just say I may still have one or two tricks up my sleeve. |
1.2182 |
0.05065 |
110 |
92 |
12 |
6 |
1543 |
I assure you, we offer more variety than the sperm bank. |
1.2180 |
0.04571 |
133 |
111 |
15 |
7 |
1544 |
As your financial wizard, I highly recommend a balanced portfolio of Hocus Pocus, Abracadabra, and Alakazam. |
1.2180 |
0.04314 |
133 |
109 |
19 |
5 |
1545 |
My spells work Monday through Friday, 9 am to 5 pm. |
1.2180 |
0.04314 |
133 |
109 |
19 |
5 |
1546 |
Welcome to the center of the universe. |
1.2178 |
0.05378 |
101 |
85 |
10 |
6 |
1547 |
Warrantee? No. There’s no warrantee. |
1.2177 |
0.04217 |
124 |
100 |
21 |
3 |
1548 |
Why, yes, muggle children count towards our diversity goals. |
1.2177 |
0.04660 |
124 |
103 |
15 |
6 |
1549 |
I can show you a great three-bedroom townhouse on Mercury, but there’s no atmosphere. |
1.2177 |
0.04058 |
124 |
99 |
23 |
2 |
1550 |
Frankly, your sun is simply not as bright as the rest of our star students... |
1.2177 |
0.04370 |
124 |
101 |
19 |
4 |
1551 |
I seem to have forgotten my wand, so we are going to have to fix your relationship the old fashioned way |
1.2177 |
0.04660 |
124 |
103 |
15 |
6 |
1552 |
Let me explain the odds of us paying your insurance claim. Have you ever been hit by a meteor? |
1.2177 |
0.04660 |
124 |
103 |
15 |
6 |
1553 |
I’d love to do your taxes, but i’m only a wizard |
1.2174 |
0.04749 |
115 |
95 |
15 |
5 |
1554 |
Think of it as Hogwarts with science." |
1.2174 |
0.04585 |
115 |
94 |
17 |
4 |
1555 |
Your child has many strengths, but being a sorcerer's apprentice isn't one of them. |
1.2174 |
0.04749 |
115 |
95 |
15 |
5 |
1556 |
I may look like an Imperial Wizard, but I'm really a Master of the Universe. |
1.2174 |
0.04585 |
115 |
94 |
17 |
4 |
1557 |
Yes I was in the Klan but I got some mustard on my whites and decided to convert to a real wizard. |
1.2174 |
0.04907 |
115 |
96 |
13 |
6 |
1558 |
Reparations are for a million light years |
1.2174 |
0.04452 |
138 |
115 |
16 |
7 |
1559 |
Marriage counseling on Mars |
1.2174 |
0.04907 |
115 |
96 |
13 |
6 |
1560 |
The stars say you are going to get audited. |
1.2171 |
0.04112 |
129 |
104 |
22 |
3 |
1561 |
Our long term investment strategy relies on whatever the Universe tells us. |
1.2170 |
0.05193 |
106 |
89 |
11 |
6 |
1562 |
I'll concede that our prices are "out of the world", but.... |
1.2170 |
0.04645 |
106 |
86 |
17 |
3 |
1563 |
Look, I'm a magician, not a therapist. If your problem is deeper than a top hat, I'm out. |
1.2170 |
0.05193 |
106 |
89 |
11 |
6 |
1564 |
There's no magic about it. To be an effective couples therapist, I need to wear different hats. |
1.2168 |
0.04454 |
143 |
120 |
15 |
8 |
1565 |
Consider filing an extension when Mercury is no longer in retrograde. |
1.2167 |
0.04611 |
120 |
99 |
16 |
5 |
1566 |
Saturn is in the House of Orion, so it can be counted as a dependent. |
1.2167 |
0.04761 |
120 |
100 |
14 |
6 |
1567 |
I’m not really into standard portfolio theory. I would advise you to invest in collectibles like moon rocks, ancient alchemy texts and antique ouija boards. |
1.2165 |
0.05124 |
97 |
80 |
13 |
4 |
1568 |
You don’t have to be a wizard to know this marriage is over |
1.2165 |
0.05330 |
97 |
81 |
11 |
5 |
1569 |
I’m not that ‘Dr. Strange’, there is no way out, no multiverse, I’m afraid…” |
1.2165 |
0.05124 |
97 |
80 |
13 |
4 |
1570 |
I’m sensing stocks not bonds. |
1.2164 |
0.04414 |
134 |
111 |
17 |
6 |
1571 |
I am a wizard, but there is no way I can conjure up a 30 year 2.5% mortgage. |
1.2162 |
0.04322 |
111 |
89 |
20 |
2 |
1572 |
I think I can easily make your differences just disappear. |
1.2162 |
0.04322 |
111 |
89 |
20 |
2 |
1573 |
Have you considered investing in emerging markets? |
1.2162 |
0.04858 |
111 |
92 |
14 |
5 |
1574 |
This is unprecedented! It appears that your Moon is crossed by an asparagus! |
1.2162 |
0.04858 |
111 |
92 |
14 |
5 |
1575 |
Looks like I'm gonna have to spell this out for you. |
1.2162 |
0.04686 |
111 |
91 |
16 |
4 |
1576 |
And this is all the bells and whistles. |
1.2162 |
0.05023 |
111 |
93 |
12 |
6 |
1577 |
I'm so very sorry--my title of Grand Wizard was badly misconstrued in our marketing materials. |
1.2162 |
0.05184 |
111 |
94 |
10 |
7 |
1578 |
That's funny. No one has ever accused me of magical thinking. |
1.2162 |
0.04686 |
111 |
91 |
16 |
4 |
1579 |
As your marriage counselor, I DO have a magic wand. |
1.2162 |
0.04858 |
111 |
92 |
14 |
5 |
1580 |
Fix Congress? I'm a wizard, not a magician! |
1.2160 |
0.04763 |
125 |
105 |
13 |
7 |
1581 |
I predict your tomatoes will turn red soon. |
1.2160 |
0.04897 |
125 |
106 |
11 |
8 |
1582 |
Now that you have reached the top of your scientific fields and have more questions than before you started, I feel compelled to come clean. It is just magic; it is all just magic….magic, magic, magic. |
1.2160 |
0.04484 |
125 |
103 |
17 |
5 |
1583 |
I'm afraid I can't help once you're married. |
1.2160 |
0.04626 |
125 |
104 |
15 |
6 |
1584 |
Why yes I have invested heavily in cryptocurrency, why do you ask? |
1.2160 |
0.04484 |
125 |
103 |
17 |
5 |
1585 |
I predict your next consultation will be with a tax lawyer. |
1.2158 |
0.04303 |
139 |
115 |
18 |
6 |
1586 |
Crypto currency? Yes! Put all of your money there. |
1.2157 |
0.04751 |
102 |
83 |
16 |
3 |
1587 |
Well, here it is. I can't provide you with a time-reversal button as you've requested..but I can make a referral to a Fitness-For-The-Unfit Center I've recently opened. |
1.2157 |
0.04951 |
102 |
84 |
14 |
4 |
1588 |
You know, retirement planning isn’t all magical thinking. |
1.2157 |
0.04036 |
153 |
126 |
21 |
6 |
1589 |
Everything about me is phony. Even my mustache is drawn in with a pencil. |
1.2157 |
0.05144 |
102 |
85 |
12 |
5 |
1590 |
Here at Starfleet Academy we are very selective in terms of which students we accept. Tell me, has your son been able to create a Black Hole with his chemistry set yet? |
1.2155 |
0.05310 |
116 |
100 |
7 |
9 |
1591 |
For the full cosmos tour, I can cut you a 10% off deal with a side trip to Alpha Centauri. |
1.2155 |
0.04711 |
116 |
96 |
15 |
5 |
1592 |
And when do you want to go to Mars? |
1.2155 |
0.04550 |
116 |
95 |
17 |
4 |
1593 |
Fix your marriage? What do you think I am? Some kind of miracle worker? |
1.2154 |
0.04366 |
130 |
107 |
18 |
5 |
1594 |
Historically, we don't trust grand wizards. |
1.2154 |
0.04227 |
130 |
106 |
20 |
4 |
1595 |
I realize your first choice was Neil Degrasse Tyson, and your second choice was Dumbledore, but I am the only one available this week. |
1.2154 |
0.04366 |
130 |
107 |
18 |
5 |
1596 |
No, I meant "magical mysteries of the universe" literally. |
1.2154 |
0.04631 |
130 |
109 |
14 |
7 |
1597 |
I’ll see what I can do, but I’m a sorcerer, not a magician. |
1.2153 |
0.04083 |
144 |
118 |
21 |
5 |
1598 |
I understand. My wife and I argue about the legitimacy of my work too. |
1.2153 |
0.04083 |
144 |
118 |
21 |
5 |
1599 |
What on Earth would you like me to do about your marriage? |
1.2151 |
0.05263 |
93 |
77 |
12 |
4 |
1600 |
I’m afraid we’ve detected a complication with Uranus. |
1.2150 |
0.04605 |
107 |
87 |
17 |
3 |
1601 |
Yes, I'm a wizard, but as I said, I am not a miracle worker. |
1.2150 |
0.04205 |
107 |
85 |
21 |
1 |
1602 |
I don't usually see clients during Comicon... |
1.2150 |
0.04974 |
107 |
89 |
13 |
5 |
1603 |
I am sorry, but not even sorcery can help your relationship! |
1.2150 |
0.04605 |
107 |
87 |
17 |
3 |
1604 |
As soon as they legalize the magic mushrooms we will send you on an astral plane to places you have never imagined" |
1.2149 |
0.04868 |
121 |
102 |
12 |
7 |
1605 |
Do you want to get a home loan? |
1.2149 |
0.04577 |
121 |
100 |
16 |
5 |
1606 |
Your son is a bit spacey. |
1.2149 |
0.04725 |
121 |
101 |
14 |
6 |
1607 |
‘So I lost a bet’ |
1.2149 |
0.04725 |
121 |
101 |
14 |
6 |
1608 |
Look, if I had a ‘magic wand’ to approve your application, I’d use it. |
1.2149 |
0.04725 |
121 |
101 |
14 |
6 |
1609 |
Your daughter hasn't been seen ever since she aced her teleportation exam. |
1.2149 |
0.04424 |
121 |
99 |
18 |
4 |
1610 |
Yes, Hogwarts is good, too. But we feel that the Trump School of Obfuscation and Magic is just the best there ever was! |
1.2148 |
0.04629 |
135 |
114 |
13 |
8 |
1611 |
I understand your concern about using astrology to determine your investment strategy, but, statistically speaking, we perform on par with the guys at Wall Street. |
1.2148 |
0.04384 |
135 |
112 |
17 |
6 |
1612 |
Let's consider alternative options when Mercury is in retrograde. |
1.2148 |
0.03988 |
135 |
109 |
23 |
3 |
1613 |
Contrary to what you may have heard, I can only predict the past. |
1.2148 |
0.04629 |
135 |
114 |
13 |
8 |
1614 |
I can’t help with your intimacy issues, but I may be able to send you to Oz. |
1.2143 |
0.04592 |
126 |
105 |
15 |
6 |
1615 |
I’m sorry, I think you’re mistaken. I just dress like this. |
1.2143 |
0.04818 |
112 |
93 |
14 |
5 |
1616 |
Considering your credit score I assume you won’t get approved, but I may be able to work some magic. |
1.2143 |
0.04865 |
98 |
80 |
15 |
3 |
1617 |
Your therapist referred you to me in hopes I might help you to resolve your political differences. |
1.2143 |
0.05077 |
98 |
81 |
13 |
4 |
1618 |
You two could really use some space. |
1.2143 |
0.04157 |
126 |
102 |
21 |
3 |
1619 |
When a coin lands on heads, it's really landing on tails. |
1.2143 |
0.05280 |
98 |
82 |
11 |
5 |
1620 |
NASA’s making us wear these wizard outfits now, they think we’ll seem more credible this way. |
1.2143 |
0.04728 |
126 |
106 |
13 |
7 |
1621 |
I’m sorry, we have spells that will move mountains and turn back time but we’re powerless to help you clean up your e-mail inbox. |
1.2143 |
0.04648 |
112 |
92 |
16 |
4 |
1622 |
There's nothing magical about life insurance. |
1.2143 |
0.04818 |
112 |
93 |
14 |
5 |
1623 |
We can't find your prostate. |
1.2138 |
0.04397 |
145 |
122 |
15 |
8 |
1624 |
“People tend to think of us as different, if you can handle that.” |
1.2137 |
0.04599 |
131 |
110 |
14 |
7 |
1625 |
Work is a sore spot for my wife and me as well. |
1.2137 |
0.04599 |
131 |
110 |
14 |
7 |
1626 |
The ticket to Pluto includes a season pass to Disney World and 10 percent equity in the Brooklyn Bridge. |
1.2137 |
0.04469 |
131 |
109 |
16 |
6 |
1627 |
I can send you there. Prices vary. |
1.2137 |
0.04198 |
131 |
107 |
20 |
4 |
1628 |
Welcome to the Elon Musk Agency for Intergalactic Travel. |
1.2137 |
0.04675 |
117 |
97 |
15 |
5 |
1629 |
Yes, the decor is out of this world. We planet that way. |
1.2137 |
0.04675 |
117 |
97 |
15 |
5 |
1630 |
You want to go to Paris in June? Sorry, that’s magic I can’t do. |
1.2137 |
0.04830 |
117 |
98 |
13 |
6 |
1631 |
On the other hand, your mortgage is written in stone. |
1.2137 |
0.04514 |
117 |
96 |
17 |
4 |
1632 |
I’m afraid you’re a Cancer. |
1.2137 |
0.04675 |
117 |
97 |
15 |
5 |
1633 |
Why, yes you are correct. The stars are glow-in-the-dark. |
1.2137 |
0.04830 |
117 |
98 |
13 |
6 |
1634 |
Alakazam!…That will be 500 dollars. |
1.2137 |
0.04675 |
117 |
97 |
15 |
5 |
1635 |
You two must be a very difficult case if you were referred to me. |
1.2136 |
0.04907 |
103 |
85 |
14 |
4 |
1636 |
I'm sorry. A spell won't save your marriage. What you need is a miracle. |
1.2132 |
0.03962 |
136 |
110 |
23 |
3 |
1637 |
Well sir, I have consulted with the Universe and the stars are just not aligning for you.... |
1.2132 |
0.03962 |
136 |
110 |
23 |
3 |
1638 |
It's Best to
Call it Quits! Venus and Mars will never be in Sync !! |
1.2131 |
0.04391 |
122 |
100 |
18 |
4 |
1639 |
It's normal for healthy marriages to go through a bad spell. |
1.2131 |
0.04391 |
122 |
100 |
18 |
4 |
1640 |
Your son’s head seems to be in the clouds and he’s out of touch with reality. |
1.2131 |
0.04391 |
122 |
100 |
18 |
4 |
1641 |
For your relationship to work, I recommend you be born two days earlier, sir. |
1.2131 |
0.04234 |
122 |
99 |
20 |
3 |
1642 |
Yes... but this is a different kind of enterprise. |
1.2131 |
0.04970 |
122 |
104 |
10 |
8 |
1643 |
Nothing yet for Venus, but we do have a three-week, all-inclusive tour of Mars scheduled for April 1, 2024. |
1.2131 |
0.04689 |
122 |
102 |
14 |
6 |
1644 |
…and each year we’ll send you a bag of fortune cookies. |
1.2130 |
0.05104 |
108 |
91 |
11 |
6 |
1645 |
Target. It was on sale. Why do you ask? |
1.2130 |
0.04567 |
108 |
88 |
17 |
3 |
1646 |
We're here, Mr Jones, to discuss your daughter's decision to drop Astronomy. |
1.2128 |
0.03752 |
188 |
157 |
22 |
9 |
1647 |
The question is, do WE have enough space for YOU? |
1.2128 |
0.05427 |
94 |
79 |
10 |
5 |
1648 |
The universe also offers a payment plan. |
1.2126 |
0.04420 |
127 |
105 |
17 |
5 |
1649 |
She's not the stellar performer we were hoping for. |
1.2126 |
0.04420 |
127 |
105 |
17 |
5 |
1650 |
Your son got a bit carried away with Quantum Leap." |
1.2126 |
0.04127 |
127 |
103 |
21 |
3 |
1651 |
NIMBY isn’t a thing there…yet. |
1.2126 |
0.04127 |
127 |
103 |
21 |
3 |
1652 |
I'm sorry but your child is not Space Force material |
1.2126 |
0.04127 |
127 |
103 |
21 |
3 |
1653 |
Our firm uses the most reliable tools available to plan your investment portfolio. |
1.2124 |
0.04779 |
113 |
94 |
14 |
5 |
1654 |
We take passive aggressive behavior very seriously. |
1.2124 |
0.04941 |
113 |
95 |
12 |
6 |
1655 |
Now wait - just what do you mean when you say 'holding space'? |
1.2124 |
0.04941 |
113 |
95 |
12 |
6 |
1656 |
Sorry but no amount of magic can save your relationship. |
1.2124 |
0.04611 |
113 |
93 |
16 |
4 |
1657 |
And where do you see yourselves in another thousand years? |
1.2124 |
0.04436 |
113 |
92 |
18 |
3 |
1658 |
I’m sorry, but your son has been in a terrible quidditch accident. |
1.2124 |
0.05099 |
113 |
96 |
10 |
7 |
1659 |
Alas, our spacetime is up. |
1.2121 |
0.04567 |
132 |
111 |
14 |
7 |
1660 |
The value of your government bonds is descending but your stocks are in the ascent due to a Taurus market. |
1.2121 |
0.03882 |
132 |
106 |
24 |
2 |
1661 |
where do you see yourself in ten years |
1.2121 |
0.04306 |
132 |
109 |
18 |
5 |
1662 |
These days consulting a Wizard is preferred by most over accountants, lawyers, or doctors. |
1.2121 |
0.04821 |
99 |
81 |
15 |
3 |
1663 |
Accredited? Not really, but we have 98% acceptance rate! |
1.2121 |
0.04602 |
99 |
80 |
17 |
2 |
1664 |
Trust me, your money is safe at SVB. |
1.2119 |
0.04480 |
118 |
97 |
17 |
4 |
1665 |
It will take you guys about 2 years of training to become a true Sorcerer! |
1.2119 |
0.04638 |
118 |
98 |
15 |
5 |
1666 |
Please don't ground him. |
1.2119 |
0.04792 |
118 |
99 |
13 |
6 |
1667 |
Now, allow me explain our remote learning program. |
1.2119 |
0.04480 |
118 |
97 |
17 |
4 |
1668 |
Wizard, yes, wizard powers, no. |
1.2115 |
0.04864 |
104 |
86 |
14 |
4 |
1669 |
What sorcery is this? Allow me to explain. |
1.2115 |
0.04864 |
104 |
86 |
14 |
4 |
1670 |
Full disclosure: my degree is in 'astro-law-gy,' but I'm confident I can still help. |
1.2114 |
0.04509 |
123 |
102 |
16 |
5 |
1671 |
To begin with, I'm goig to teach you how to laugh. |
1.2114 |
0.04358 |
123 |
101 |
18 |
4 |
1672 |
The difference? In economy you have to bring your own oxygen. |
1.2114 |
0.04358 |
123 |
101 |
18 |
4 |
1673 |
Seriously, you're name is Cosmo? |
1.2110 |
0.04713 |
109 |
90 |
15 |
4 |
1674 |
I see couples therapy as a magical journey. |
1.2110 |
0.05061 |
109 |
92 |
11 |
6 |
1675 |
I'm afraid all the planets in the universe have already been named. |
1.2110 |
0.05061 |
109 |
92 |
11 |
6 |
1676 |
You see, Mr. Phillips, we’re not like other magnet schools. We are literally magnetic. |
1.2110 |
0.04890 |
109 |
91 |
13 |
5 |
1677 |
I see that you two would end up in a 2 stars only...hotel or marriage, not clear ! |
1.2109 |
0.04246 |
128 |
105 |
19 |
4 |
1678 |
Unfortunately, I don't have a crystal ball. |
1.2109 |
0.04388 |
128 |
106 |
17 |
5 |
1679 |
Your marriage may be on the rocks now, but five months with me and your planets will be aligned. |
1.2109 |
0.03889 |
147 |
120 |
23 |
4 |
1680 |
For some reason, all of our other tax advisors are busy. |
1.2109 |
0.04122 |
147 |
122 |
19 |
6 |
1681 |
Being a financial wizard was unfulfilling. |
1.2105 |
0.04001 |
133 |
108 |
22 |
3 |
1682 |
Welcome to the Age of Aquarius ... |
1.2105 |
0.04940 |
95 |
78 |
14 |
3 |
1683 |
So you can literally go to anywhere and or to anytime and all you want is to be disassociated from Clarence Thomas? |
1.2105 |
0.04535 |
133 |
112 |
14 |
7 |
1684 |
The universe is silent on the question of almond milk versus oat milk. |
1.2101 |
0.04172 |
138 |
114 |
19 |
5 |
1685 |
As you may have noticed, this isn't your typical H&R Block office. |
1.2101 |
0.04445 |
119 |
98 |
17 |
4 |
1686 |
There is still a lot of fine real estate on Mars, but I’d act quickly. |
1.2101 |
0.04603 |
119 |
99 |
15 |
5 |
1687 |
Here, the students are not allowed to phone home. |
1.2101 |
0.04282 |
119 |
97 |
19 |
3 |
1688 |
The last guy was a clown. |
1.2101 |
0.04445 |
119 |
98 |
17 |
4 |
1689 |
You confused me with "The Wiz" |
1.2100 |
0.04984 |
100 |
83 |
13 |
4 |
1690 |
What neighborhood, exactly?" |
1.2100 |
0.04777 |
100 |
82 |
15 |
3 |
1691 |
My goal is to put the magic back in your relationship. |
1.2100 |
0.04984 |
100 |
83 |
13 |
4 |
1692 |
So did the cheating happen while Mercury was in retrograde or after? |
1.2100 |
0.04777 |
100 |
82 |
15 |
3 |
1693 |
Underneath my hat, I too, have a receding hairline |
1.2100 |
0.04984 |
100 |
83 |
13 |
4 |
1694 |
As I see it, magic is your only remaining solution! |
1.2100 |
0.05183 |
100 |
84 |
11 |
5 |
1695 |
Let me first have your exact birth dates. |
1.2100 |
0.04560 |
100 |
81 |
17 |
2 |
1696 |
Being a wizard on Wall Street helps me to make sound financial planning decisions for you.” |
1.2097 |
0.04326 |
124 |
102 |
18 |
4 |
1697 |
I'm sorry, your HMO only covers acupuncture, reiki, and powdered animal enemas. |
1.2097 |
0.04172 |
124 |
101 |
20 |
3 |
1698 |
I'm afraid Johnny has fallen way behind in his spelling. |
1.2097 |
0.04895 |
124 |
106 |
10 |
8 |
1699 |
I got it, one of you is from Mars the other is from Venis. I want you to focus on what you have in common: you are both stuck on Earth with two kids in tow. |
1.2097 |
0.04620 |
124 |
104 |
14 |
6 |
1700 |
Meta..as in mucil... |
1.2097 |
0.04620 |
124 |
104 |
14 |
6 |
1701 |
They don’t let just anyone paint a dunce hat. |
1.2097 |
0.04759 |
124 |
105 |
12 |
7 |
1702 |
Does it give me more or less credibility? |
1.2095 |
0.04822 |
105 |
87 |
14 |
4 |
1703 |
How shall I say this, he was here and then he suddenly, well, disappeared. |
1.2095 |
0.04628 |
105 |
86 |
16 |
3 |
1704 |
Could you tell us about the future? |
1.2095 |
0.04822 |
105 |
87 |
14 |
4 |
1705 |
So you're both from Venus? |
1.2095 |
0.05530 |
105 |
91 |
6 |
8 |
1706 |
Who told you it would take a wizard to solve your marital problems? |
1.2095 |
0.05008 |
105 |
88 |
12 |
5 |
1707 |
Yes, it’s pointed, so what? |
1.2095 |
0.05008 |
105 |
88 |
12 |
5 |
1708 |
You’re indulging in magical thinking again. |
1.2095 |
0.04822 |
105 |
87 |
14 |
4 |
1709 |
Your ‘Tax Wizard’ recommends a schedule F-ckd. |
1.2095 |
0.05188 |
105 |
89 |
10 |
6 |
1710 |
We may not be Hogworts, but your child will get a wand. |
1.2095 |
0.03983 |
148 |
122 |
21 |
5 |
1711 |
You don't really need a spell they have pills for that |
1.2095 |
0.03745 |
148 |
120 |
25 |
3 |
1712 |
....and as your financial advisor... |
1.2091 |
0.05018 |
110 |
93 |
11 |
6 |
1713 |
Yes, that's the magic of it! |
1.2091 |
0.04492 |
110 |
90 |
17 |
3 |
1714 |
Hey, look -
I’m a marriage counselor -
Not a magician! |
1.2091 |
0.05018 |
110 |
93 |
11 |
6 |
1715 |
The stars are aligned for you to buy this house. |
1.2090 |
0.04504 |
134 |
113 |
14 |
7 |
1716 |
Welcome to Space Force. |
1.2090 |
0.04247 |
134 |
111 |
18 |
5 |
1717 |
Some people think life insurance is just a load of hocus-pocus. |
1.2088 |
0.05068 |
91 |
75 |
13 |
3 |
1718 |
Can't do it myself, but I know a guy who can turn a 9-year old misdemanor into a felony. |
1.2087 |
0.04862 |
115 |
97 |
12 |
6 |
1719 |
So, I hear your marriage is going through a rough spell. |
1.2087 |
0.04703 |
115 |
96 |
14 |
5 |
1720 |
Our extraplanetary field trip is one of the highlights most of our students find both educational and enjoyable. |
1.2087 |
0.04537 |
115 |
95 |
16 |
4 |
1721 |
Even I can't work magic on a boring marriage. |
1.2087 |
0.05016 |
115 |
98 |
10 |
7 |
1722 |
I won't be managing your retirement account, I'm just here to help you planet. |
1.2087 |
0.04862 |
115 |
97 |
12 |
6 |
1723 |
Relax. Your money is safe with our investment group. And I can say that as a PhD economist and certified financial advisor. |
1.2087 |
0.05016 |
115 |
98 |
10 |
7 |
1724 |
Travel Agencies may be a thing of the past, but space and time travel is the future. |
1.2087 |
0.05166 |
115 |
99 |
8 |
8 |
1725 |
You might find our transportation . . . unusual. |
1.2086 |
0.04145 |
139 |
115 |
19 |
5 |
1726 |
Trust me, I do a lot of Research before I recommend a stock portfolio for my clients. |
1.2083 |
0.04718 |
120 |
101 |
13 |
6 |
1727 |
While we do share some precepts, what I do is much more science based than voodoo. |
1.2083 |
0.04048 |
144 |
119 |
20 |
5 |
1728 |
I think your relationship would benefit from some space. |
1.2083 |
0.04568 |
120 |
100 |
15 |
5 |
1729 |
No, your son disappeared because he failed his spelling test. |
1.2083 |
0.04167 |
144 |
120 |
18 |
6 |
1730 |
As your Fianancial Wizard I am obliged to inform you, there are other options out there for you. |
1.2083 |
0.04412 |
120 |
99 |
17 |
4 |
1731 |
I could get you into a nice little place on the outskirts of Neptune. |
1.2083 |
0.05112 |
96 |
80 |
12 |
4 |
1732 |
My name is Mr. Diggs, and I'll be your Family Court Wizard. |
1.2083 |
0.04718 |
120 |
101 |
13 |
6 |
1733 |
At Cosmic U your daughter will find her own orbit, not be trapped inexorably in yours. |
1.2080 |
0.04724 |
125 |
106 |
12 |
7 |
1734 |
The Market" has decided! Your fate is.. |
1.2080 |
0.04859 |
125 |
107 |
10 |
8 |
1735 |
We're a fiduciary. |
1.2080 |
0.03983 |
125 |
101 |
22 |
2 |
1736 |
Annulments are down the hall. |
1.2080 |
0.04295 |
125 |
103 |
18 |
4 |
1737 |
I'm sorry. Your loan is not in the stars. |
1.2080 |
0.04295 |
125 |
103 |
18 |
4 |
1738 |
So you want me to help you find the magic? |
1.2080 |
0.04586 |
125 |
105 |
14 |
6 |
1739 |
Because I have a pointed head. |
1.2080 |
0.04859 |
125 |
107 |
10 |
8 |
1740 |
According to the galaxy, stars, and endless universe...you should definitely brush your teeth. |
1.2079 |
0.04939 |
101 |
84 |
13 |
4 |
1741 |
Being a marriage counselor is no monkey business. |
1.2079 |
0.04734 |
101 |
83 |
15 |
3 |
1742 |
...And that was how the solar system got created. But now let's go back at what brings you were, when did your marriage got into trouble? |
1.2079 |
0.04295 |
101 |
81 |
19 |
1 |
1743 |
I regret to inform you that Pluto is not a planet. |
1.2079 |
0.04520 |
101 |
82 |
17 |
2 |
1744 |
Today's Klan continues a tradition of fashion, fashion, fashion! |
1.2077 |
0.04594 |
130 |
110 |
13 |
7 |
1745 |
If you put a bigger down payment then your lease will be smaller month to month. Unless, of course, you want to pay in full right now. I hate this job. |
1.2077 |
0.04186 |
130 |
107 |
19 |
4 |
1746 |
As a fiduciary financial advisor I am required to state that "the capital value of units in the fund can fluctuate and the price of units can go down as well as up and is not guaranteed". |
1.2075 |
0.04965 |
106 |
89 |
12 |
5 |
1747 |
I'm glad you were able to come in. We need to talk to about Pluto. |
1.2075 |
0.04589 |
106 |
87 |
16 |
3 |
1748 |
It was not your cheating on her that ruined the relationship. It was Gemini in Pluto. |
1.2075 |
0.04780 |
106 |
88 |
14 |
4 |
1749 |
Pack light and bring traveler's checks." |
1.2072 |
0.04976 |
111 |
94 |
11 |
6 |
1750 |
His moon and Uranus aren’t aligned. |
1.2072 |
0.04267 |
111 |
90 |
19 |
2 |
1751 |
What is unique about this timeshare....... |
1.2072 |
0.04635 |
111 |
92 |
15 |
4 |
1752 |
Yes, I do birthday parties. |
1.2072 |
0.04455 |
111 |
91 |
17 |
3 |
1753 |
Our STEM program is magical! |
1.2072 |
0.04455 |
111 |
91 |
17 |
3 |
1754 |
I became a marriage counselor after my financial adviser business failed. |
1.2072 |
0.04976 |
111 |
94 |
11 |
6 |
1755 |
Saving your marriage? I'm a counselor, not a magician. |
1.2072 |
0.04809 |
111 |
93 |
13 |
5 |
1756 |
. “Lets see how the indictment goes first.” |
1.2071 |
0.04476 |
140 |
119 |
13 |
8 |
1757 |
The fault lies not in the stars, but in your marriage |
1.2069 |
0.04665 |
116 |
97 |
14 |
5 |
1758 |
Where do you see yourselves in five minutes? |
1.2069 |
0.04665 |
116 |
97 |
14 |
5 |
1759 |
Like all kids, your son wants to be a star, but he doesn't seem to understand that he first has to master being a planet. |
1.2069 |
0.04502 |
116 |
96 |
16 |
4 |
1760 |
It's lonely and solitary work, the study of Uranus. |
1.2069 |
0.04823 |
116 |
98 |
12 |
6 |
1761 |
Yes, my insight is different than most. Why do you ask? |
1.2066 |
0.04533 |
121 |
101 |
15 |
5 |
1762 |
Is where I got my license more important to you than the advice I'm giving you? |
1.2066 |
0.04218 |
121 |
99 |
19 |
3 |
1763 |
It's beyond my powers. You'll have to make a deal with the Devil to find an affordable three bedroom apartment in Manhattan. |
1.2066 |
0.04682 |
121 |
102 |
13 |
6 |
1764 |
Because Mars is in conjunction with Venus,unless you pay my fee right now,I won't file your income tax. |
1.2066 |
0.04533 |
121 |
101 |
15 |
5 |
1765 |
No, I'm not affiliated with the school at all. I just get notified any time there is a star next to some student's name. |
1.2066 |
0.04682 |
121 |
102 |
13 |
6 |
1766 |
Now that you've tried and failed couples counseling, are you finally ready for a quick fix? |
1.2066 |
0.04378 |
121 |
100 |
17 |
4 |
1767 |
Yea, I am a wiz at taxes. But if the IRS disagrees, I can whisk you a ff to a planet where the IRS will never find you |
1.2065 |
0.05893 |
92 |
80 |
5 |
7 |
1768 |
While considering my qualifications as a Wizard,
I ask that you disregard my race." |
1.2063 |
0.04823 |
126 |
108 |
10 |
8 |
1769 |
Why do you think you need more space? |
1.2063 |
0.04552 |
126 |
106 |
14 |
6 |
1770 |
Looking ahead at your financial future, the stars are not aligned for an early retirement. |
1.2063 |
0.04410 |
126 |
105 |
16 |
5 |
1771 |
Yes, I see what you mean, but I'm afraid I cannot make your tax debt disappear. |
1.2062 |
0.04620 |
97 |
79 |
16 |
2 |
1772 |
My magic spells can keep your tax returns from being audited. Unless the IRS starts using spell-check. |
1.2062 |
0.05271 |
97 |
82 |
10 |
5 |
1773 |
I'm sorry to say that you are really out of alignment. |
1.2062 |
0.04847 |
97 |
80 |
14 |
3 |
1774 |
As your tax wizard I suggest you move to Pluto not Wyoming for a lower your taxes. |
1.2062 |
0.05064 |
97 |
81 |
12 |
4 |
1775 |
We'll go ahead with your surgery when Jupiter aligns with Mars. |
1.2062 |
0.05064 |
97 |
81 |
12 |
4 |
1776 |
Because ... it was at the dry cleaner's last time." |
1.2062 |
0.05064 |
97 |
81 |
12 |
4 |
1777 |
I'm sorry, but even I cannot help you afford a house in this market. |
1.2062 |
0.05271 |
97 |
82 |
10 |
5 |
1778 |
I can’t promise you the stars, but I can promise you the moon. |
1.2061 |
0.04014 |
131 |
107 |
21 |
3 |
1779 |
This session is not covered by your insurance. |
1.2061 |
0.04296 |
131 |
109 |
17 |
5 |
1780 |
And was it your last therapist who recommended me? |
1.2061 |
0.04431 |
131 |
110 |
15 |
6 |
1781 |
What, you think I'm a mind reader? I'm just another offbeat shrink. |
1.2059 |
0.04692 |
102 |
84 |
15 |
3 |
1782 |
I'm afraid 'to the moon and back' isn't far enough to save your marriage. |
1.2059 |
0.04894 |
102 |
85 |
13 |
4 |
1783 |
We specialise in intergalactic boarding school placement. We only take kids who want to shoot for the stars. |
1.2059 |
0.04692 |
102 |
84 |
15 |
3 |
1784 |
Sit tight, folks. And I'll get back to you in a spell. |
1.2059 |
0.04692 |
102 |
84 |
15 |
3 |
1785 |
I offer you an imagery life, it is better what you have now. |
1.2059 |
0.04058 |
136 |
112 |
20 |
4 |
1786 |
I think you misunderstood us when we told you could turn this into "your space." |
1.2056 |
0.04922 |
107 |
90 |
12 |
5 |
1787 |
It may surprise you, but I know very little about financial planning. |
1.2056 |
0.05098 |
107 |
91 |
10 |
6 |
1788 |
When were you planning to go? |
1.2056 |
0.04739 |
107 |
89 |
14 |
4 |
1789 |
Excuse me, but the name is Fred. Why do you insist upon calling me Merlin?” |
1.2056 |
0.04550 |
107 |
88 |
16 |
3 |
1790 |
I have consulted the oracle, and am pleased to report that we will be covering your kidney transplant operation. |
1.2054 |
0.04769 |
112 |
94 |
13 |
5 |
1791 |
My son loves your daughter.
We can make this work, I hope. |
1.2054 |
0.04233 |
112 |
91 |
19 |
2 |
1792 |
Im afraid we don’t know how to change Earl junior back from a rabbit. |
1.2054 |
0.04935 |
112 |
95 |
11 |
6 |
1793 |
Sorry, I'm not that kind of wizard. But I make a great martini. |
1.2054 |
0.04935 |
112 |
95 |
11 |
6 |
1794 |
Could I interest you in a one way journey? |
1.2054 |
0.04039 |
112 |
90 |
21 |
1 |
1795 |
I’m not sure why people don’t take astrology seriously ! |
1.2051 |
0.04467 |
117 |
97 |
16 |
4 |
1796 |
Unfortunately, I didn't have time to change after Fantasia practice. |
1.2051 |
0.03941 |
117 |
94 |
22 |
1 |
1797 |
I'm afraid the problem is Uranus. |
1.2051 |
0.04785 |
117 |
99 |
12 |
6 |
1798 |
And… If you get the extended warranty, you’ll get “spell“ check for an entire year! |
1.2051 |
0.04937 |
117 |
100 |
10 |
7 |
1799 |
Yes, regardless of the price, the trip would be one way. |
1.2051 |
0.04785 |
117 |
99 |
12 |
6 |
1800 |
And to make sure there isn't an error I always use Spell Check. |
1.2049 |
0.04790 |
122 |
104 |
11 |
7 |
1801 |
I can make you a special deal on Pluto. |
1.2049 |
0.04346 |
122 |
101 |
17 |
4 |
1802 |
As a fiduciary I must act in the best interest of the Universe. |
1.2049 |
0.04346 |
122 |
101 |
17 |
4 |
1803 |
I'm pleased to hear that my clients at Oz referred you to me. |
1.2049 |
0.04499 |
122 |
102 |
15 |
5 |
1804 |
Did you say, this planet isn't big enough for the both of you? |
1.2049 |
0.04187 |
122 |
100 |
19 |
3 |
1805 |
Since you’re both Democrats, you’ll believe anything, so let’s get started… |
1.2049 |
0.04790 |
122 |
104 |
11 |
7 |
1806 |
How much are you wanting to invest? |
1.2049 |
0.04647 |
122 |
103 |
13 |
6 |
1807 |
Don't listen to those other guys, I'm the only broker that can see the future |
1.2049 |
0.04187 |
122 |
100 |
19 |
3 |
1808 |
No you aren’t crazy, we detected voter fraud as well. |
1.2049 |
0.04930 |
122 |
105 |
9 |
8 |
1809 |
Sorry... Marriage counselling is down the hall to the right. |
1.2047 |
0.04519 |
127 |
107 |
14 |
6 |
1810 |
Based on my experience, you are not the first black couple seeking a less volatile planet. |
1.2047 |
0.04378 |
127 |
106 |
16 |
5 |
1811 |
Magic is more edge. |
1.2047 |
0.04233 |
127 |
105 |
18 |
4 |
1812 |
Yes, on our private school your son will spell enchantments on mandarin and French too |
1.2045 |
0.05152 |
88 |
73 |
12 |
3 |
1813 |
Unfortunately, you are from Venus and your wife is from Mars. This will be a very difficult case! |
1.2044 |
0.04162 |
137 |
114 |
18 |
5 |
1814 |
As Mercury is in retrograde, I suggest remaining overweight in blue-chips until celestial realignment. |
1.2044 |
0.04031 |
137 |
113 |
20 |
4 |
1815 |
Were only selling one way tickets at this time |
1.2042 |
0.04418 |
142 |
121 |
13 |
8 |
1816 |
‘Now’s the time to put it all out in the Universe’ |
1.2042 |
0.03940 |
142 |
117 |
21 |
4 |
1817 |
And what did you ask? I spaced out. |
1.2041 |
0.05016 |
98 |
82 |
12 |
4 |
1818 |
No sir, your daughter was not rejected based on her race. I'm afraid we are unable to accept applicants whose birth dates fall when Mercury was in retrograde. |
1.2041 |
0.05016 |
98 |
82 |
12 |
4 |
1819 |
I'm afraid that, in life, there are no magic answers. . . |
1.2041 |
0.04802 |
98 |
81 |
14 |
3 |
1820 |
How do you feel Mercury being in retrograde has affected your relationship? |
1.2041 |
0.05016 |
98 |
82 |
12 |
4 |
1821 |
As a certified cosmic seer I have certain fiduciary responsibilities. |
1.2041 |
0.05610 |
98 |
85 |
6 |
7 |
1822 |
And that's why I don't think Jerry is a good fit for our program. He seems less interested in Astrophysics than in pretending he is the prefect of Ravenclaw. And he insists on calling me "Headmaster". |
1.2041 |
0.04802 |
98 |
81 |
14 |
3 |
1823 |
We specialize in back-up plans for the 2024 election. |
1.2041 |
0.04802 |
98 |
81 |
14 |
3 |
1824 |
Sadly, pulling the sword out of the stone can’t save your marriage. |
1.2041 |
0.04577 |
98 |
80 |
16 |
2 |
1825 |
Am I any good? Why, I’m out of this world! |
1.2041 |
0.05016 |
98 |
82 |
12 |
4 |
1826 |
It's as if your son is from another world. Very common at his age. |
1.2039 |
0.05043 |
103 |
87 |
11 |
5 |
1827 |
We deal in facts here, gentlemen. |
1.2039 |
0.04851 |
103 |
86 |
13 |
4 |
1828 |
Grand Wizard? No, you must be thinking of some other institution. |
1.2037 |
0.04699 |
108 |
90 |
14 |
4 |
1829 |
Our lunar burial plots are quite popular. |
1.2037 |
0.04511 |
108 |
89 |
16 |
3 |
1830 |
Sorry I'm late but my asteroid ran out of minerals. |
1.2037 |
0.04511 |
108 |
89 |
16 |
3 |
1831 |
‘Firstly, thanks for coming all the way out here..’ |
1.2037 |
0.04699 |
108 |
90 |
14 |
4 |
1832 |
I regret to inform you that your child was ex-spelled from Wizarding School. |
1.2035 |
0.04383 |
113 |
93 |
17 |
3 |
1833 |
Even a wizard can't solve your problems. |
1.2035 |
0.04199 |
113 |
92 |
19 |
2 |
1834 |
We'll require full payment up front, |
1.2034 |
0.04092 |
118 |
96 |
20 |
2 |
1835 |
It's an interesting case, but frankly I specialize in Kepler's Laws. |
1.2034 |
0.04265 |
118 |
97 |
18 |
3 |
1836 |
I honestly don't know where the market's headed. I'm just really into outer space. |
1.2034 |
0.04748 |
118 |
100 |
12 |
6 |
1837 |
I'm a CFP. The outfit makes me reassuring, like the ads. |
1.2034 |
0.04092 |
118 |
96 |
20 |
2 |
1838 |
Equality? Yes...I see it someday.... |
1.2034 |
0.04265 |
118 |
97 |
18 |
3 |
1839 |
… while Little Mikey isn’t a ‘whiz-kid’ in the traditional sense… |
1.2034 |
0.04265 |
118 |
97 |
18 |
3 |
1840 |
Yes, there in only so much a marrage couselor can do. |
1.2033 |
0.04612 |
123 |
104 |
13 |
6 |
1841 |
I'm afraid we lost several boys and girls from our new Astral Projection class! |
1.2033 |
0.03822 |
123 |
99 |
23 |
1 |
1842 |
I apologize for the losses you incurred on your investments. Here at Squib Financial, we pride ourselves in providing our clients with sound advice, but we clearly did not see that coming. |
1.2033 |
0.04612 |
123 |
104 |
13 |
6 |
1843 |
I have a spell for that but you'll probably still get audited. |
1.2033 |
0.04465 |
123 |
103 |
15 |
5 |
1844 |
I can't prescribe magic sir, just perform it. |
1.2033 |
0.04612 |
123 |
104 |
13 |
6 |
1845 |
Oh no, Ellen's Algebra will be excellent. It's her future Astrology grades I'm concerned about. |
1.2031 |
0.04347 |
128 |
107 |
16 |
5 |
1846 |
You're saying that you wouldn't trust my advice on investments?! |
1.2031 |
0.04054 |
128 |
105 |
20 |
3 |
1847 |
Yes, predicting the market has changed over the last few years. Why do you ask? |
1.2031 |
0.04486 |
128 |
108 |
14 |
6 |
1848 |
I don’t think I’ve adequately explained the gravity of the situation |
1.2031 |
0.04203 |
128 |
106 |
18 |
4 |
1849 |
Here, I can assure you, we think outside the box. |
1.2031 |
0.04054 |
128 |
105 |
20 |
3 |
1850 |
I'm sorry, but your son doesn't know his ABRACADABRAs. |
1.2030 |
0.04498 |
133 |
113 |
13 |
7 |
1851 |
I was a psychologist at NASA, but found astrology to be more helpful when counseling married couples. |
1.2030 |
0.04237 |
133 |
111 |
17 |
5 |
1852 |
My staff can make it happen for you. |
1.2030 |
0.04100 |
133 |
110 |
19 |
4 |
1853 |
Yes doc, I see your point |
1.2029 |
0.04135 |
138 |
115 |
18 |
5 |
1854 |
She's from Venus and you're from Mars. Welcome to cosmic counselling! |
1.2029 |
0.03870 |
138 |
113 |
22 |
3 |
1855 |
I don't see a one bedroom in New York City for less than 4 grand. |
1.2029 |
0.04261 |
138 |
116 |
16 |
6 |
1856 |
What's it worth to get your son into Hogwarts? |
1.2028 |
0.04389 |
143 |
122 |
13 |
8 |
1857 |
The other attorneys call me "The Wizard of Laws." |
1.2028 |
0.04275 |
143 |
121 |
15 |
7 |
1858 |
I used to do children’s birthday parties but there is more money in this. |
1.2021 |
0.05147 |
94 |
79 |
11 |
4 |
1859 |
..and so I had to have the hat custom made. |
1.2021 |
0.05775 |
94 |
82 |
5 |
7 |
1860 |
I'm afraid your child can't tell which end is up. |
1.2020 |
0.04969 |
99 |
83 |
12 |
4 |
1861 |
You must remember that every journey begins with just a single light year. |
1.2020 |
0.04758 |
99 |
82 |
14 |
3 |
1862 |
I'm sure you'll agree, there's a lot more space in the office now. |
1.2020 |
0.05173 |
99 |
84 |
10 |
5 |
1863 |
You’re not alone, King Arthur and Guinevere had similar problems. |
1.2020 |
0.04969 |
99 |
83 |
12 |
4 |
1864 |
We at Coo, Cluck & Plan are here to help you. |
1.2020 |
0.04969 |
99 |
83 |
12 |
4 |
1865 |
Sorry, we don't deal in facts here. |
1.2020 |
0.04758 |
99 |
82 |
14 |
3 |
1866 |
Since you are people of color, I should start by saying that this outfit I'm wearing is exactly what you fear it may be. We dropped all white years ago. Now, give me your Zodiacs. |
1.2020 |
0.04536 |
99 |
81 |
16 |
2 |
1867 |
Unfortunately our space program has lost a lot of funding since your son convinced all basketball fans the earth is flat. |
1.2020 |
0.05368 |
99 |
85 |
8 |
6 |
1868 |
Did you think these tuition checks magically wrote themselves? |
1.2019 |
0.05182 |
104 |
89 |
9 |
6 |
1869 |
No, I don’t have a pointy head. |
1.2019 |
0.04808 |
104 |
87 |
13 |
4 |
1870 |
Let me get this straight: you are phycicists from MIT and you want me to send you inside a black hole and back so you can win the Nobel prize? |
1.2019 |
0.04998 |
104 |
88 |
11 |
5 |
1871 |
I'm sorry to tell that your son is not a wizard, he's just really, really stupid. |
1.2019 |
0.05182 |
104 |
89 |
9 |
6 |
1872 |
The decor and costume are in keeping with the astronomical fees I charge. |
1.2019 |
0.04402 |
104 |
85 |
17 |
2 |
1873 |
I’m sorry to disappoint you, but you’ll have to go to Harvard or Yale. Your SAT scores were simply too high to get in here. |
1.2019 |
0.04808 |
104 |
87 |
13 |
4 |
1874 |
Unfortunately, your child is a Scorpio moon. |
1.2019 |
0.04998 |
104 |
88 |
11 |
5 |
1875 |
Seriously? Every single therapist? |
1.2018 |
0.04839 |
109 |
92 |
12 |
5 |
1876 |
So Why did you choose us over all the other travel agencies? |
1.2018 |
0.04839 |
109 |
92 |
12 |
5 |
1877 |
Your refund will appear in three weeks. |
1.2018 |
0.04855 |
114 |
97 |
11 |
6 |
1878 |
Sorry, just because we're on Pluto does not mean this is a plutocracy. |
1.2018 |
0.04855 |
114 |
97 |
11 |
6 |
1879 |
I know a few tricks for building your portfolio. |
1.2018 |
0.04349 |
114 |
94 |
17 |
3 |
1880 |
I can get you into a Saturn plan for just 90 thousand a week. |
1.2018 |
0.04692 |
114 |
96 |
13 |
5 |
1881 |
And that’s when I knew I shouldn’t have done ayahuasca. |
1.2018 |
0.04692 |
114 |
96 |
13 |
5 |
1882 |
When did you say the magic left your marriage? |
1.2017 |
0.04557 |
119 |
100 |
14 |
5 |
1883 |
The good news is I finished your taxes. |
1.2017 |
0.04398 |
119 |
99 |
16 |
4 |
1884 |
I told You not to take the ambien & sonata tonight. |
1.2017 |
0.04557 |
119 |
100 |
14 |
5 |
1885 |
Let me just start by saying your child's work is out of this world |
1.2017 |
0.04233 |
119 |
98 |
18 |
3 |
1886 |
No, I can't fix your marriage by waving a magic wand, because your insurance doesn't cover it. |
1.2017 |
0.04233 |
119 |
98 |
18 |
3 |
1887 |
What did you expect a spacesuit to look like? |
1.2017 |
0.04398 |
119 |
99 |
16 |
4 |
1888 |
I advise you to stay at home for 4 years and wear a mask
whenever you leave the house. |
1.2017 |
0.04859 |
119 |
102 |
10 |
7 |
1889 |
Our firms’ approach to wealth management is unique. |
1.2017 |
0.04711 |
119 |
101 |
12 |
6 |
1890 |
Nobody told me we stopped doing Casual Friday’s. |
1.2016 |
0.04578 |
124 |
105 |
13 |
6 |
1891 |
I’m not a magician! |
1.2016 |
0.04282 |
124 |
103 |
17 |
4 |
1892 |
No, men and women aren't from Mars or Venus. We are all from Xlonflorp-7. |
1.2016 |
0.04282 |
124 |
103 |
17 |
4 |
1893 |
Sorry, but there are no more rentals here at this time...You'l have to move to a new galaxy. |
1.2016 |
0.04432 |
124 |
104 |
15 |
5 |
1894 |
As your divorce lawyer, I'm sensing some tension in the room. As your astrologist, I probably should've seen this coming. |
1.2016 |
0.04432 |
124 |
104 |
15 |
5 |
1895 |
Look you two wanted magical marital miracle. Reality costs extra. |
1.2016 |
0.03963 |
124 |
101 |
21 |
2 |
1896 |
Before I make your problems disappear, you will need to read and agree with these terms and condition. |
1.2016 |
0.04126 |
124 |
102 |
19 |
3 |
1897 |
… Magic is not an exact science |
1.2016 |
0.04578 |
124 |
105 |
13 |
6 |
1898 |
Sure, I can work magic and align all types of planets, but save your marriage? Some things only God can do |
1.2016 |
0.04588 |
129 |
110 |
12 |
7 |
1899 |
We can give your son a diploma in astronomy for $10,000 telescope included. |
1.2016 |
0.04316 |
129 |
108 |
16 |
5 |
1900 |
No, I’m not sure how to cause “a series of little, tiny quakes on Mars”. And why would you want me to do that, anyway?° |
1.2016 |
0.04316 |
129 |
108 |
16 |
5 |
1901 |
We offer couples packages that are magical! |
1.2016 |
0.04173 |
129 |
107 |
18 |
4 |
1902 |
Yes, it is literally men are from Mars, and women are from Venus. |
1.2015 |
0.04073 |
134 |
111 |
19 |
4 |
1903 |
The ad actually stated "council" not "counsel." I think you might have been mislead by the part that suggested I had a history of representing several "star" clients. |
1.2000 |
0.04798 |
110 |
93 |
12 |
5 |
1904 |
Tell me again how the magic has gone out of your relationship. |
1.2000 |
0.05312 |
95 |
81 |
9 |
5 |
1905 |
When astrology goes corporate. |
1.2000 |
0.05312 |
95 |
81 |
9 |
5 |
1906 |
Sorry, I can't wave a magic wand and get your Crypto money back. |
1.2000 |
0.04364 |
105 |
86 |
17 |
2 |
1907 |
This hat isn’t going to pay for itself. |
1.2000 |
0.04314 |
115 |
95 |
17 |
3 |
1908 |
At Magic Wand University with have a perfect graduation rate. |
1.2000 |
0.03998 |
130 |
107 |
20 |
3 |
1909 |
Does either one of you have specific questions about your IRS report and our conclusions? |
1.2000 |
0.04045 |
135 |
112 |
19 |
4 |
1910 |
So, I imagine you're wondering why I called you here today. |
1.2000 |
0.04924 |
100 |
84 |
12 |
4 |
1911 |
We reserve the lowest mortgage rates to level 4 initiates. Would you like to get started on the paperwork? |
1.2000 |
0.04872 |
95 |
79 |
13 |
3 |
1912 |
Although the IRS doesn’t generally recognize astrology as a valid tax analysis tool, their current staffing levels make it fully appropriate for out-of-this-world savings! |
1.2000 |
0.05288 |
90 |
76 |
10 |
4 |
1913 |
I'm only credentialed to enact semi-miraculous reconciliations. |
1.2000 |
0.05318 |
100 |
86 |
8 |
6 |
1914 |
And is that your only sun? |
1.2000 |
0.04149 |
105 |
85 |
19 |
1 |
1915 |
I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but Jupiter didn't actually align with Mars. |
1.2000 |
0.04149 |
105 |
85 |
19 |
1 |
1916 |
Your transcendental journey has been interrupted by supply chain issues, but I can put you in a used Prius for a fair price. |
1.2000 |
0.04286 |
130 |
109 |
16 |
5 |
1917 |
Your timeshare on Jupiter will be absolutely amazing, believe me. |
1.2000 |
0.05125 |
100 |
85 |
10 |
5 |
1918 |
I'll take you to realms unseen, help you move between multiversal planes, and link you to unseen cosmic forces - oh, and I can validate your parking, too. |
1.2000 |
0.04621 |
110 |
92 |
14 |
4 |
1919 |
I hate to be a Debbie Downer Diviner,but the cosmos will be of no use stopping his snoring. |
1.2000 |
0.04621 |
110 |
92 |
14 |
4 |
1920 |
I still don't understand how you want me to make your problems disappear. |
1.2000 |
0.04674 |
120 |
102 |
12 |
6 |
1921 |
It depends on how long you can wait, but I forsee being able to move to another planet being possible within the next millennium or so. |
1.2000 |
0.04364 |
120 |
100 |
16 |
4 |
1922 |
What makes you think I'm a magician? |
1.2000 |
0.04924 |
100 |
84 |
12 |
4 |
1923 |
The Court has ruled that the stars aren’t aligned to grant you justice in this case. |
1.2000 |
0.05047 |
90 |
75 |
12 |
3 |
1924 |
You have nothing to worry about, I’m a real legal wizard. |
1.2000 |
0.04766 |
105 |
88 |
13 |
4 |
1925 |
So from where I sit, I don't see any reason you wouldn't want to join our highly esteemed organization. |
1.2000 |
0.04654 |
115 |
97 |
13 |
5 |
1926 |
Sorry, we only have one way tickets to Mars. |
1.2000 |
0.03945 |
115 |
93 |
21 |
1 |
1927 |
I assure you,I'm not that kind of Grand Wizard. |
1.2000 |
0.04149 |
105 |
85 |
19 |
1 |
1928 |
I suggest your daughter switch from political to intergalactic science. |
1.2000 |
0.04364 |
120 |
100 |
16 |
4 |
1929 |
Let’s try some Magic: The Gathering. |
1.2000 |
0.04924 |
100 |
84 |
12 |
4 |
1930 |
Don’t worry. It’s not tax evasion. It’s just magic. |
1.2000 |
0.04621 |
110 |
92 |
14 |
4 |
1931 |
Don't let the posters fool you. |
1.2000 |
0.04399 |
125 |
105 |
15 |
5 |
1932 |
So, you want me to take your son on a tour in space for his birthday? Don't you think an autograph would do? |
1.2000 |
0.04714 |
100 |
83 |
14 |
3 |
1933 |
Yes, well, Gerard is undeniably gifted, but his propensity for turning the younger students into frogs is causing some concern |
1.2000 |
0.04621 |
110 |
92 |
14 |
4 |
1934 |
And you expect me to believe you just 'wand-ered' in here by accident? |
1.2000 |
0.05047 |
90 |
75 |
12 |
3 |
1935 |
Were you expecting Mickey Mouse? |
1.2000 |
0.05125 |
100 |
85 |
10 |
5 |
1936 |
Technically a CPA, but that wizard label can really stick. |
1.1986 |
0.04054 |
141 |
118 |
18 |
5 |
1937 |
When it comes to the market, none of us has a crystal ball. JK, I totally do. |
1.1985 |
0.03737 |
136 |
111 |
23 |
2 |
1938 |
Reports from the summer camp on Jupiter are that your son has, indeed, gotten stupider. |
1.1985 |
0.04255 |
131 |
110 |
16 |
5 |
1939 |
Could I interest you in one of our No-Load Multidimensional Funds? |
1.1985 |
0.04776 |
131 |
114 |
8 |
9 |
1940 |
The other option is to cast the wedding ring into the fires of Mount Doom in Mordor. |
1.1984 |
0.04066 |
126 |
104 |
19 |
3 |
1941 |
Sir I’m just playing wizard. For the last time, I can’t predict your wife’s mood based on the stars |
1.1984 |
0.04219 |
126 |
105 |
17 |
4 |
1942 |
All the signs are there. This time-share will prove to be a stellar investment indeed. |
1.1983 |
0.04331 |
121 |
101 |
16 |
4 |
1943 |
You gotta look at all the factors. Yeah, the yield curve on the 10 year T-bill is in negative territory, but Jupiter is retrograde. I say buy. |
1.1983 |
0.04638 |
121 |
103 |
12 |
6 |
1944 |
Let me guess, you are here about the balloon problem. |
1.1983 |
0.04638 |
121 |
103 |
12 |
6 |
1945 |
Why in the world wouldn't you want to make America great again? |
1.1983 |
0.04452 |
116 |
97 |
15 |
4 |
1946 |
Yes, I'm the "Tax Wizard" on TV. But, come on, I'm not a magician. |
1.1983 |
0.04280 |
116 |
96 |
17 |
3 |
1947 |
If I’m not clear , I can use sign language. |
1.1982 |
0.04400 |
111 |
92 |
16 |
3 |
1948 |
How the hell do I know? I just like the outfit. |
1.1982 |
0.04400 |
111 |
92 |
16 |
3 |
1949 |
cryptocurencies; or "plastics" |
1.1982 |
0.04400 |
111 |
92 |
16 |
3 |
1950 |
I understand you’d like to revive the magic in your marriage. |
1.1982 |
0.04400 |
111 |
92 |
16 |
3 |
1951 |
And then he said that you were crazy? |
1.1982 |
0.04400 |
111 |
92 |
16 |
3 |
1952 |
The stars are just not aligning on this one |
1.1982 |
0.04758 |
111 |
94 |
12 |
5 |
1953 |
When you die you will have eternal consciousness. But my fee is payable up front. |
1.1982 |
0.04582 |
111 |
93 |
14 |
4 |
1954 |
I’m just your financial advisor, not a magician. |
1.1982 |
0.04582 |
111 |
93 |
14 |
4 |
1955 |
As an educator, I pride myself on turning whiz kids into whiz adults. |
1.1981 |
0.04530 |
106 |
88 |
15 |
3 |
1956 |
The earth is flat. So are my rates! |
1.1981 |
0.04327 |
106 |
87 |
17 |
2 |
1957 |
Well no, not the financial kind. |
1.1981 |
0.04530 |
106 |
88 |
15 |
3 |
1958 |
This is not what I was picturing when you said 'therapist for the stars' |
1.1981 |
0.05090 |
106 |
91 |
9 |
6 |
1959 |
and Melania will be the top announcer on Fox |
1.1981 |
0.04724 |
106 |
89 |
13 |
4 |
1960 |
We'll get to all that. What signs are you? |
1.1981 |
0.04724 |
106 |
89 |
13 |
4 |
1961 |
What is your stance on Jim Crow ? |
1.1981 |
0.04724 |
106 |
89 |
13 |
4 |
1962 |
'Having me as your primary physician means that you will benefit from my knowledge of the occult, as well as being able to have access to all of the medicines you've seen advertised on TV!' |
1.1981 |
0.05264 |
106 |
92 |
7 |
7 |
1963 |
It's nobody's fault. Your signs are incompatible. |
1.1981 |
0.04114 |
106 |
86 |
19 |
1 |
1964 |
Your son has been grounded after a levitation incident. |
1.1980 |
0.05078 |
101 |
86 |
10 |
5 |
1965 |
So, your daughter wants to be a star. |
1.1980 |
0.04454 |
101 |
83 |
16 |
2 |
1966 |
Maybe in some other universe. |
1.1980 |
0.04671 |
101 |
84 |
14 |
3 |
1967 |
But I told you.... I'm not a mind reader. |
1.1980 |
0.05269 |
101 |
87 |
8 |
6 |
1968 |
Your portfolio is safe in my hands. |
1.1980 |
0.04671 |
101 |
84 |
14 |
3 |
1969 |
You say that the magic has gone out of your marriage. That’s why I’m here. |
1.1980 |
0.04879 |
101 |
85 |
12 |
4 |
1970 |
I think I can get you a ticket to Mars.
I understand they are getting more popular |
1.1980 |
0.04879 |
101 |
85 |
12 |
4 |
1971 |
Are you accusing us of magical thinking? |
1.1980 |
0.04879 |
101 |
85 |
12 |
4 |
1972 |
I practice a more non-traditional financial planning. |
1.1980 |
0.04226 |
101 |
82 |
18 |
1 |
1973 |
I'm afraid to tell you that your marital issues can't be solved, even with magic. |
1.1979 |
0.04593 |
96 |
79 |
15 |
2 |
1974 |
I can't work magic, but you never know. |
1.1979 |
0.04826 |
96 |
80 |
13 |
3 |
1975 |
With the decline in science based thinking, Astrology is the most popular minor at the university now. |
1.1979 |
0.04593 |
96 |
79 |
15 |
2 |
1976 |
Usually my assistant, Mickey, would be here to help, but he's been very busy taking care of business down in Florida. |
1.1979 |
0.05465 |
96 |
83 |
7 |
6 |
1977 |
My fees aren't outlandish when you consider that I can see into the future. |
1.1979 |
0.05048 |
96 |
81 |
11 |
4 |
1978 |
No, all signs point to an audit because I'm a terrible CPA. |
1.1978 |
0.05234 |
91 |
77 |
10 |
4 |
1979 |
Well, you said it would take a wizard to save your marriage |
1.1978 |
0.05234 |
91 |
77 |
10 |
4 |
1980 |
Voodoo economics simply don’t pay returns like ours. |
1.1978 |
0.05463 |
91 |
78 |
8 |
5 |
1981 |
What makes you think I'm some kind of marriage wizard? |
1.1977 |
0.05441 |
86 |
73 |
9 |
4 |
1982 |
We're sure your daughter is safe, but we're not sure exactly where she is... |
1.1977 |
0.05441 |
86 |
73 |
9 |
4 |
1983 |
I'm a magician, not a shrink! |
1.1971 |
0.03565 |
137 |
111 |
25 |
1 |
1984 |
Unfortunately, this isn't your standard abracadabra situation. |
1.1971 |
0.03854 |
137 |
113 |
21 |
3 |
1985 |
When I said my advice is "outside the box", I really meant "out of this world". |
1.1971 |
0.04123 |
137 |
115 |
17 |
5 |
1986 |
Your sun is a star! |
1.1970 |
0.04087 |
132 |
110 |
18 |
4 |
1987 |
Take two asteroids and call me in the morning!” |
1.1969 |
0.04336 |
127 |
107 |
15 |
5 |
1988 |
You need to give each other more space. |
1.1969 |
0.04336 |
127 |
107 |
15 |
5 |
1989 |
Yes, it’s a Ten Billion Year mortgage but then you’ll own your own planet! |
1.1969 |
0.04336 |
127 |
107 |
15 |
5 |
1990 |
Your son’s inability to spell is affecting his grades. |
1.1967 |
0.04454 |
122 |
103 |
14 |
5 |
1991 |
I'm sorry to tell you; you were born on the wrong planet... |
1.1967 |
0.04603 |
122 |
104 |
12 |
6 |
1992 |
Your future happiness depends on your incontrovertible belief in what I'm about to reveal. |
1.1967 |
0.04299 |
122 |
102 |
16 |
4 |
1993 |
For a couple like you, looking for space, you've come to the right man." |
1.1967 |
0.04138 |
122 |
101 |
18 |
3 |
1994 |
No, it's Larry, not Harry |
1.1966 |
0.04417 |
117 |
98 |
15 |
4 |
1995 |
So many Americans want to escape our gravity belt for another, less politically fraught planet that I'm afraid it's really the worst possible time to be planning this kind of trip. |
1.1966 |
0.05040 |
117 |
102 |
7 |
8 |
1996 |
Frankly, you should've left the womb two days earlier and been a Libra instead of a Scorpio. |
1.1966 |
0.04247 |
117 |
97 |
17 |
3 |
1997 |
I know it says 'Dr Aziw' in the ad, but unfortunately it was printed backwards |
1.1966 |
0.04247 |
117 |
97 |
17 |
3 |
1998 |
What about a duplex on Mars? |
1.1966 |
0.04070 |
117 |
96 |
19 |
2 |
1999 |
In the world of marriage counseling, I'm known as a "Wizard" -- not an Einstein! |
1.1964 |
0.04176 |
112 |
92 |
18 |
2 |
2000 |
So tell me why you decided to try planetary therepy. |
1.1964 |
0.04886 |
112 |
96 |
10 |
6 |
2001 |
Dunce? Of course not -- I assure you I'm a wizard! |
1.1964 |
0.04364 |
112 |
93 |
16 |
3 |
2002 |
I can make your portfolio reappear. But I must ask you not to question my methods. |
1.1964 |
0.04545 |
112 |
94 |
14 |
4 |
2003 |
Unfortunately, your enchantment did default. |
1.1964 |
0.04545 |
112 |
94 |
14 |
4 |
2004 |
Taxes? Let me see...No, no taxes on Uranus. And I have a budget plan to get you there! |
1.1964 |
0.04545 |
112 |
94 |
14 |
4 |
2005 |
Oz is one of our most popular destinations. |
1.1964 |
0.04545 |
112 |
94 |
14 |
4 |
2006 |
Can you explain why your son believes the earth is flat? |
1.1964 |
0.03979 |
112 |
91 |
20 |
1 |
2007 |
Your savings have…disappeared! |
1.1964 |
0.04718 |
112 |
95 |
12 |
5 |
2008 |
It sounds like you each need more space in your marriage. |
1.1963 |
0.04080 |
107 |
87 |
19 |
1 |
2009 |
I’m not some accountant that can just calculate a bunch of numbers for you… |
1.1963 |
0.04491 |
107 |
89 |
15 |
3 |
2010 |
Forget Federal and State. Let's talk about universal taxation. |
1.1963 |
0.04868 |
107 |
91 |
11 |
5 |
2011 |
Hi, I’m Rod and I’ll be handling your account from here on out. Bill had to step away from the company because he realized we’re adult magicians and he shot himself in the head. |
1.1963 |
0.04491 |
107 |
89 |
15 |
3 |
2012 |
I'm the man behind the curtain. |
1.1963 |
0.04290 |
107 |
88 |
17 |
2 |
2013 |
For obvious reasons, I changed from my white robe and hood. |
1.1963 |
0.04683 |
107 |
90 |
13 |
4 |
2014 |
Yes, this is the official astronomer uniform |
1.1963 |
0.04491 |
107 |
89 |
15 |
3 |
2015 |
The interest rate on your mortgage loan is currently in a 20 degree ascension above the ecliptic. |
1.1961 |
0.04629 |
102 |
85 |
14 |
3 |
2016 |
So, you’re saying you’re having galactic problems… |
1.1961 |
0.05221 |
102 |
88 |
8 |
6 |
2017 |
We appreciate your interest in Cosmological Condominiums, but our remaining units have been bought out by SpaceX. |
1.1961 |
0.05031 |
102 |
87 |
10 |
5 |
2018 |
Your regular genie is out with COVID. |
1.1961 |
0.04629 |
102 |
85 |
14 |
3 |
2019 |
Once you've finished my program, at least you'll find it comforting to know that you tried absolutely everything. |
1.1961 |
0.04835 |
102 |
86 |
12 |
4 |
2020 |
So you are comfortable being inter-spacial adoptees |
1.1959 |
0.04550 |
97 |
80 |
15 |
2 |
2021 |
Only my family calls me "Merlin." Please call me "Mickey." |
1.1959 |
0.05412 |
97 |
84 |
7 |
6 |
2022 |
We specialize in booking one-way non-stop flights. |
1.1959 |
0.04780 |
97 |
81 |
13 |
3 |
2023 |
That's a tall ask...I fabricate things out of thin air but I'm no politician |
1.1959 |
0.04780 |
97 |
81 |
13 |
3 |
2024 |
Ok,last guess, is it the ten of clubs. |
1.1959 |
0.04780 |
97 |
81 |
13 |
3 |
2025 |
I've reviewed your aura, and the results aren't good |
1.1959 |
0.04308 |
97 |
79 |
17 |
1 |
2026 |
With the moon in the seventh house, and Jupiter aligned with Mars, our market analysts consider this a great time to invest. |
1.1957 |
0.05182 |
92 |
78 |
10 |
4 |
2027 |
So, you could easily trade your Lunar timeshare with a Martian timeshare. |
1.1955 |
0.03916 |
133 |
110 |
20 |
3 |
2028 |
I predict that within a year, GOP states will declare your votes to be worth only 3/5’s of a white person. |
1.1953 |
0.04159 |
128 |
107 |
17 |
4 |
2029 |
I’m afraid your planet’s orbit is unstable. I can’t understate the gravity of the situation. |
1.1953 |
0.04008 |
128 |
106 |
19 |
3 |
2030 |
By “stellar” rates we mean out of this world. |
1.1951 |
0.04107 |
123 |
102 |
18 |
3 |
2031 |
I'll find you tax deductions beyond your wildest dreams. |
1.1951 |
0.04107 |
123 |
102 |
18 |
3 |
2032 |
It's not the stars you need to be worried about, it's your bank account. |
1.1951 |
0.04267 |
123 |
103 |
16 |
4 |
2033 |
Yes, Proctastrology is a thing. I mean: “The moon.” “Uranus.” I didn’t make those up. |
1.1949 |
0.04383 |
118 |
99 |
15 |
4 |
2034 |
Your mother wanted the entirety of her estate placed in orbit. |
1.1949 |
0.04383 |
118 |
99 |
15 |
4 |
2035 |
Take two potions and call me in the morning. |
1.1949 |
0.04214 |
118 |
98 |
17 |
3 |
2036 |
You need to get the vaccine. |
1.1949 |
0.04702 |
118 |
101 |
11 |
6 |
2037 |
In April, we all discover that accounting is not an exact science. |
1.1949 |
0.04545 |
118 |
100 |
13 |
5 |
2038 |
I understand your concerns, but the church of Scientology is perfectly normal. |
1.1949 |
0.04039 |
118 |
97 |
19 |
2 |
2039 |
Mr. and Mrs. Tyson, your son isn’t prepared to be an astrologer. |
1.1949 |
0.04039 |
118 |
97 |
19 |
2 |
2040 |
Our annual review process is pretty much a black hole, if the stars align. |
1.1947 |
0.04508 |
113 |
95 |
14 |
4 |
2041 |
As your tax advisor, I think the sky is the limit for your future! |
1.1947 |
0.04508 |
113 |
95 |
14 |
4 |
2042 |
Oh, we just changed our costumes. |
1.1947 |
0.04329 |
113 |
94 |
16 |
3 |
2043 |
Yes, but I'm the sorcerer with the best outfit. |
1.1947 |
0.04508 |
113 |
95 |
14 |
4 |
2044 |
If you end up divorced, I’ll waive the co-pay. How’s that?” |
1.1947 |
0.04329 |
113 |
94 |
16 |
3 |
2045 |
I sense by the looks on your faces that you are uncomfortable with cultural appropriation. |
1.1944 |
0.04643 |
108 |
91 |
13 |
4 |
2046 |
I'm sorry guys, Hogwarts already has Cho Chang. Rowling says that's the limit. |
1.1944 |
0.04453 |
108 |
90 |
15 |
3 |
2047 |
You want to give each other space? |
1.1944 |
0.05002 |
108 |
93 |
9 |
6 |
2048 |
Your 90 minutes are almost up. |
1.1944 |
0.03976 |
144 |
121 |
18 |
5 |
2049 |
This week I'm having a special on a spell that I think will be perfect for you. |
1.1944 |
0.04453 |
108 |
90 |
15 |
3 |
2050 |
I’m a financial advisor, not a fortune teller. |
1.1944 |
0.04643 |
108 |
91 |
13 |
4 |
2051 |
I think you wanted an ASTROLOGIST. |
1.1944 |
0.04826 |
108 |
92 |
11 |
5 |
2052 |
To be honest, we're not really interested in buying a time-share, we’re just here for the free gift. |
1.1942 |
0.04153 |
103 |
84 |
18 |
1 |
2053 |
I don’t yet have my real estate license but I can make magic happen for you in finding the exotic faraway place you hoped to afford. By the way, did you bring any sushi? |
1.1942 |
0.04986 |
103 |
88 |
10 |
5 |
2054 |
My parents pushed me to go into science, but I've always preferred the arts. |
1.1942 |
0.04588 |
103 |
86 |
14 |
3 |
2055 |
You say in your relationship that you no longer see stars. |
1.1942 |
0.04791 |
103 |
87 |
12 |
4 |
2056 |
I'm afraid your signs aren't even in the same solar system |
1.1942 |
0.04376 |
103 |
85 |
16 |
2 |
2057 |
The unfortunate part outside of this world is that you will still have to pay property taxes. |
1.1942 |
0.04791 |
103 |
87 |
12 |
4 |
2058 |
I can assure you Timmy is fine and he hope to return him back to human form as quickly as possible" |
1.1942 |
0.04986 |
103 |
88 |
10 |
5 |
2059 |
I understand you want the magic formular of a happy marriage. |
1.1942 |
0.04986 |
103 |
88 |
10 |
5 |
2060 |
So you feel you're light years apart in your marriage. |
1.1942 |
0.04986 |
103 |
88 |
10 |
5 |
2061 |
We provide stellar service, but space is tight. |
1.1940 |
0.04168 |
134 |
113 |
16 |
5 |
2062 |
Are you sure it was a dream? |
1.1940 |
0.04300 |
134 |
114 |
14 |
6 |
2063 |
I could show you the worlds. |
1.1939 |
0.05361 |
98 |
85 |
7 |
6 |
2064 |
What??? Who do you think I am? A wizard?? |
1.1939 |
0.04735 |
98 |
82 |
13 |
3 |
2065 |
Astrologically speaking, you’re screwed! |
1.1939 |
0.05161 |
98 |
84 |
9 |
5 |
2066 |
"I wouldn't say your son is a bad child. He just can't spell." |
1.1939 |
0.04735 |
98 |
82 |
13 |
3 |
2067 |
I'm sorry but your son was born just after midnight on March 21 which makes him an Aries. We're really looking for a Pisces. |
1.1939 |
0.05161 |
98 |
84 |
9 |
5 |
2068 |
Which type of “whizzing” did you have in mind. |
1.1939 |
0.04508 |
98 |
81 |
15 |
2 |
2069 |
Unfortunately, our policy now requires that you are granted written permission from all cosmic, ephemeral, transitory and- most importantly, STATE agencies involved. |
1.1938 |
0.03980 |
129 |
107 |
19 |
3 |
2070 |
I am sorry but the Mars child care program is already filled - Jupiter may have an opening. |
1.1938 |
0.03980 |
129 |
107 |
19 |
3 |
2071 |
The planets say that your hairline will only continue to recede. |
1.1935 |
0.03913 |
124 |
102 |
20 |
2 |
2072 |
Your Retirement money is in a far happier place now. |
1.1935 |
0.04387 |
124 |
105 |
14 |
5 |
2073 |
Predicting the stock market is not a science. |
1.1935 |
0.04077 |
124 |
103 |
18 |
3 |
2074 |
Ned Wozniak: Private Astronomer |
1.1935 |
0.05353 |
93 |
80 |
8 |
5 |
2075 |
By attending this school, you and your bank account will learn what a black hole is |
1.1935 |
0.05130 |
93 |
79 |
10 |
4 |
2076 |
You can afford a starter home on Mars. I can get you one with air conditioning. Think of it as a way of working your way to a beautiful home with a view on Venus. You'll be able to retire on Earth. |
1.1935 |
0.04235 |
124 |
104 |
16 |
4 |
2077 |
What do you have against pointed hats? |
1.1935 |
0.04235 |
124 |
104 |
16 |
4 |
2078 |
I'm trying everything I can think of to improve your son's terrible academic performance |
1.1933 |
0.04815 |
119 |
103 |
9 |
7 |
2079 |
Real-world advice is way overrated. |
1.1933 |
0.04509 |
119 |
101 |
13 |
5 |
2080 |
Yes, I am also certified for your investments in this dimension. |
1.1930 |
0.04294 |
114 |
95 |
16 |
3 |
2081 |
Unfortunately, We still don't really have it down to a science. |
1.1930 |
0.04471 |
114 |
96 |
14 |
4 |
2082 |
Rest assured, our approach to cryptocurrency trading is highly scientific. |
1.1930 |
0.04294 |
114 |
95 |
16 |
3 |
2083 |
A one-way trip, are you sure? |
1.1930 |
0.04294 |
114 |
95 |
16 |
3 |
2084 |
So far, there’s been no response to treatment. We’ve tried everything from “alakazam” to “bippity boppity boo.” |
1.1930 |
0.04294 |
114 |
95 |
16 |
3 |
2085 |
Our firm does offer augmentus spells for your 401K at a nominal fee. |
1.1928 |
0.05272 |
83 |
70 |
10 |
3 |
2086 |
Sure, Neil deGrasse Tyson has a bunch of fancy degrees, a TV show and a really cool space tie… but I have this hat. |
1.1927 |
0.04416 |
109 |
91 |
15 |
3 |
2087 |
Based on your horoscope, I recommend a diversified portfolio. |
1.1927 |
0.04219 |
109 |
90 |
17 |
2 |
2088 |
You need a little more space in your relationship! |
1.1927 |
0.04604 |
109 |
92 |
13 |
4 |
2089 |
Your fate is in the stars |
1.1926 |
0.04139 |
135 |
114 |
16 |
5 |
2090 |
No. This is not an updated Klan outfit. |
1.1923 |
0.04749 |
104 |
88 |
12 |
4 |
2091 |
Michelangelo's entire sculpture won't be invisible. Just the penis. |
1.1923 |
0.04941 |
104 |
89 |
10 |
5 |
2092 |
When Uranus teams up with Mars, all your problems will be solved..
That will be $6000.00 |
1.1923 |
0.04941 |
104 |
89 |
10 |
5 |
2093 |
Your tax bill is out of this world. |
1.1923 |
0.04338 |
104 |
86 |
16 |
2 |
2094 |
I'm sorry, we're all out of brains, courage and heart. But if you'd like, we're running a special this week on chutzpah. |
1.1923 |
0.04941 |
104 |
89 |
10 |
5 |
2095 |
You came to the right place for financial planning. |
1.1923 |
0.04749 |
104 |
88 |
12 |
4 |
2096 |
I’m not that kind of wizard. I’m just really good at doing taxes. |
1.1923 |
0.04548 |
104 |
87 |
14 |
3 |
2097 |
Now tell me, what is it about this outfit that seems to make everybody think I’m a wizard? |
1.1923 |
0.04749 |
104 |
88 |
12 |
4 |
2098 |
Frankly Mr. and Mrs. Riddle, it’s a case of Fool me once, shame on you… |
1.1920 |
0.04500 |
125 |
107 |
12 |
6 |
2099 |
The hat's just until the hair plugs are established. |
1.1919 |
0.05112 |
99 |
85 |
9 |
5 |
2100 |
Our 5 Star Program can help you achieve stellar returns. |
1.1919 |
0.04691 |
99 |
83 |
13 |
3 |
2101 |
There are marriage problems on every planet, yes. |
1.1919 |
0.04691 |
99 |
83 |
13 |
3 |
2102 |
I’m afraid we’ll have to hold him back if he can’t learn to fly on a broomstick. |
1.1917 |
0.04475 |
120 |
102 |
13 |
5 |
2103 |
Space insurance is becoming increasingly necessary these days. |
1.1917 |
0.04628 |
120 |
103 |
11 |
6 |
2104 |
We only offer one way travel tickets to the stars. |
1.1917 |
0.04628 |
120 |
103 |
11 |
6 |
2105 |
So you’re looking to put a little magic back into your sex life? |
1.1917 |
0.04475 |
120 |
102 |
13 |
5 |
2106 |
Well, I have your test results, and let’s just say I can no longer tell your future. |
1.1917 |
0.04315 |
120 |
101 |
15 |
4 |
2107 |
Am I accredited? No, why do you ask? |
1.1915 |
0.05079 |
94 |
80 |
10 |
4 |
2108 |
You said, 'I need my own space.' I can help. |
1.1915 |
0.05300 |
94 |
81 |
8 |
5 |
2109 |
We provide the Muskatel for your “Trip” |
1.1915 |
0.05300 |
94 |
81 |
8 |
5 |
2110 |
It's casual Friday here at the bank. |
1.1915 |
0.04849 |
94 |
79 |
12 |
3 |
2111 |
The white one is in the wash. |
1.1915 |
0.05300 |
94 |
81 |
8 |
5 |
2112 |
I didn't believe it either but in just under one week, you too can earn a PhD in astrology |
1.1915 |
0.05300 |
94 |
81 |
8 |
5 |
2113 |
Its a a verry long term real estate play. |
1.1913 |
0.04435 |
115 |
97 |
14 |
4 |
2114 |
Look, I wish there was a magic wand I could wave to make your problems just disappear, but the truth is, I've misplaced it. |
1.1913 |
0.04077 |
115 |
95 |
18 |
2 |
2115 |
What questions do you have about your vacation in outerspace? |
1.1913 |
0.04435 |
115 |
97 |
14 |
4 |
2116 |
We tried several investment strategies, and this one worked as well as any. |
1.1913 |
0.04260 |
115 |
96 |
16 |
3 |
2117 |
This probably shouldn’t come as a surprise, but I earned my degree at the University of Make-Pretend. |
1.1913 |
0.04767 |
115 |
99 |
10 |
6 |
2118 |
I’m a magician not a doctor |
1.1913 |
0.04260 |
115 |
96 |
16 |
3 |
2119 |
Wizard? Absolutely. Financially speaking though I’m more of a risk manager. |
1.1913 |
0.04435 |
115 |
97 |
14 |
4 |
2120 |
Your uncle said he's still not speaking to you. |
1.1910 |
0.05507 |
89 |
77 |
7 |
5 |
2121 |
Today we're going to do some role-playing. You'll be from Venus, and your husband will be from Mars. |
1.1910 |
0.05270 |
89 |
76 |
9 |
4 |
2122 |
I said I’m sorry for making you black. What more do you want me to do? |
1.1909 |
0.04565 |
110 |
93 |
13 |
4 |
2123 |
Step 1 is to admit powerlessness over Star Trek programs |
1.1909 |
0.04184 |
110 |
91 |
17 |
2 |
2124 |
And here at Enchanted Time-Shares Inc., we have investment opportunities that are out of this world. |
1.1909 |
0.04565 |
110 |
93 |
13 |
4 |
2125 |
Why yes,there ARE soul food restaurants in the Land of Oz. |
1.1909 |
0.04184 |
110 |
91 |
17 |
2 |
2126 |
I'm the head wizard, not the Grand Wizard, to be clear. |
1.1909 |
0.04184 |
110 |
91 |
17 |
2 |
2127 |
It’s nothing to be ashamed of. Many couples choose cosmic uncoupling. |
1.1909 |
0.04745 |
110 |
94 |
11 |
5 |
2128 |
Don’t worry, it makes no difference who you are. |
1.1909 |
0.04917 |
110 |
95 |
9 |
6 |
2129 |
I promise to get you both onto the next plane. |
1.1908 |
0.04071 |
131 |
110 |
17 |
4 |
2130 |
Before I give you the results, let me tell you a story about a galaxy far, far away. |
1.1905 |
0.04173 |
126 |
106 |
16 |
4 |
2131 |
I recommend filing jointly because you're both Scorpios. |
1.1905 |
0.04631 |
84 |
69 |
14 |
1 |
2132 |
Your session will end when I wave my magic wand. |
1.1905 |
0.05482 |
84 |
72 |
8 |
4 |
2133 |
No,no,the hat just matched the robe so well. |
1.1905 |
0.05214 |
84 |
71 |
10 |
3 |
2134 |
Without a legacy preference your child is just not getting into Hogwarts |
1.1905 |
0.04897 |
105 |
90 |
10 |
5 |
2135 |
You can invest with us. It's going to be a soft landing. |
1.1905 |
0.04897 |
105 |
90 |
10 |
5 |
2136 |
I called the two of you in because I don’t have a clue about what’s going on out there! |
1.1905 |
0.04508 |
105 |
88 |
14 |
3 |
2137 |
Well if your wife was abducted by aliens you’ve come to the right guy to find her! |
1.1905 |
0.04707 |
105 |
89 |
12 |
4 |
2138 |
Sorry I can't read your horoscope now.The moon presently is in the 7th house which happens to be an AirBnB. |
1.1905 |
0.04508 |
105 |
88 |
14 |
3 |
2139 |
Give it to me straight. Am I a Cancer? |
1.1905 |
0.04707 |
105 |
89 |
12 |
4 |
2140 |
In other words, yes, she's going to die. |
1.1905 |
0.04508 |
105 |
88 |
14 |
3 |
2141 |
I could recommend Viagra,but for just an extra $29.99 I could give you a love potion. |
1.1905 |
0.05258 |
105 |
92 |
6 |
7 |
2142 |
I can make a bunch of expenses appear and most of your income disappear. |
1.1905 |
0.04508 |
105 |
88 |
14 |
3 |
2143 |
I see that your stars are beginning to be aligned! |
1.1905 |
0.04508 |
105 |
88 |
14 |
3 |
2144 |
My treatment recommendation may surprise you, but I’m going to recommend magic. |
1.1905 |
0.04707 |
105 |
89 |
12 |
4 |
2145 |
When the moon is in the eighth house, your wife will be taking yours |
1.1900 |
0.04861 |
100 |
85 |
11 |
4 |
2146 |
I think I know your problem. Men are from Mars and women are from Venus. |
1.1900 |
0.04861 |
100 |
85 |
11 |
4 |
2147 |
Abracadabra. You’re gay. |
1.1900 |
0.04648 |
100 |
84 |
13 |
3 |
2148 |
If you don't believe in the stars, I have some sacrificed animal entrails for you to look at." |
1.1898 |
0.04083 |
137 |
116 |
16 |
5 |
2149 |
As your travel consultant, all I can say is that you’ll have a magical experience. |
1.1897 |
0.04226 |
116 |
97 |
16 |
3 |
2150 |
We are here Mr. Tarot because
she says you turned over
The Empress on the deck |
1.1897 |
0.04226 |
116 |
97 |
16 |
3 |
2151 |
No you cant see your children. They are in the Sea Org. |
1.1897 |
0.04226 |
116 |
97 |
16 |
3 |
2152 |
Alternative investments are our specialty...
We will always have a way to contact your money... |
1.1897 |
0.04729 |
116 |
100 |
10 |
6 |
2153 |
So unfortunately, I can't make your marital issues disappear. |
1.1897 |
0.04226 |
116 |
97 |
16 |
3 |
2154 |
I recommend a Short Sale, the asteroid hits a week from Friday. |
1.1895 |
0.05247 |
95 |
82 |
8 |
5 |
2155 |
When PIMCO aligns with Vanguard and Fidelity is in retrograde, we'll bet the farm on Elon. |
1.1895 |
0.05247 |
95 |
82 |
8 |
5 |
2156 |
When the moon is in the seventh house
And Jupiter aligns with Mars…… |
1.1895 |
0.04802 |
95 |
80 |
12 |
3 |
2157 |
Dragons are tax deductible. Aardvarks are not. Astro-art is more of a long term investment. My guess is these behind me are now worth millions. My children haven't spoken to me in years, so they get nothing. Let's order some Peking duck. Burrrrp! |
1.1895 |
0.05247 |
95 |
82 |
8 |
5 |
2158 |
Every celestial body has a unique non-fungible token, you see… |
1.1892 |
0.04150 |
111 |
92 |
17 |
2 |
2159 |
The stars tell me it's going to cost $250 per hour. |
1.1892 |
0.04343 |
111 |
93 |
15 |
3 |
2160 |
I could just wave a magic wand to make your problems go away, but would you be any happier? |
1.1892 |
0.04343 |
111 |
93 |
15 |
3 |
2161 |
You’ve been misinformed. We’re not a charm school |
1.1892 |
0.04343 |
111 |
93 |
15 |
3 |
2162 |
No, really, I am NOT that kind of grand wizard! |
1.1892 |
0.04527 |
111 |
94 |
13 |
4 |
2163 |
Who farted? |
1.1892 |
0.04527 |
111 |
94 |
13 |
4 |
2164 |
Mr. Mendez, please. Scientology is not a laughing matter. |
1.1892 |
0.04527 |
111 |
94 |
13 |
4 |
2165 |
The intergalactic laxative will get you from here to there. |
1.1892 |
0.04876 |
111 |
96 |
9 |
6 |
2166 |
Well, I consulted with the stars. But they haven’t seen your keys, either. |
1.1892 |
0.04150 |
111 |
92 |
17 |
2 |
2167 |
As former Special Envoys to Pluto, we were hoping you would consider being guest speakers for this year's "Second Career Day" |
1.1892 |
0.03948 |
111 |
91 |
19 |
1 |
2168 |
We've got some lovely properties in your price range, but they're a bit far out of the city. |
1.1890 |
0.04291 |
127 |
108 |
14 |
5 |
2169 |
You should find my advice heavenly, but with my rates very down to earth |
1.1890 |
0.04434 |
127 |
109 |
12 |
6 |
2170 |
"You have a question about the STEM school uniforms?" |
1.1890 |
0.03989 |
127 |
106 |
18 |
3 |
2171 |
Unlike other therapists I guarantee to put the magic back in your relationship |
1.1889 |
0.04440 |
90 |
74 |
15 |
1 |
2172 |
Did you say it was Merlin or Gandaff who sent you? |
1.1889 |
0.04713 |
90 |
75 |
13 |
2 |
2173 |
Richard, don’t you see how telling Mary that you love her to the moon and back could make her feel a little under appreciated? |
1.1889 |
0.04713 |
90 |
75 |
13 |
2 |
2174 |
So you say you want to put magic back into your relationship? |
1.1887 |
0.03818 |
106 |
86 |
20 |
0 |
2175 |
In my expert opinion, the magic in your relationship is dead and you should split up. |
1.1887 |
0.04854 |
106 |
91 |
10 |
5 |
2176 |
You wouldn't believe the place where I can see your future is. |
1.1887 |
0.04854 |
106 |
91 |
10 |
5 |
2177 |
Of course, we accept Medicare Advantage--Welcome aboard! |
1.1887 |
0.04469 |
106 |
89 |
14 |
3 |
2178 |
Let’s concentrate on the big picture. |
1.1887 |
0.04263 |
106 |
88 |
16 |
2 |
2179 |
I can't just wave a magic wand and make all this go away |
1.1887 |
0.04469 |
106 |
89 |
14 |
3 |
2180 |
This couples therapist is truly an out-of-this-world wizard |
1.1887 |
0.04854 |
106 |
91 |
10 |
5 |
2181 |
You’re welcome to sit for a spell. |
1.1887 |
0.04469 |
106 |
89 |
14 |
3 |
2182 |
I can’t do THAT. What do you think I am, so sort of wizard?! |
1.1887 |
0.04469 |
106 |
89 |
14 |
3 |
2183 |
So you said you wanna kick off your retirement with a vacation that’s ‘out of this world’… |
1.1887 |
0.04263 |
106 |
88 |
16 |
2 |
2184 |
I hope you don’t think there’s a magic formula for saving your marriage. |
1.1885 |
0.04407 |
122 |
104 |
13 |
5 |
2185 |
Did you enjoy your ride on the Tunnel of Love on the way in?” |
1.1885 |
0.04407 |
122 |
104 |
13 |
5 |
2186 |
No, I am an astronomy teacher, not a grand wizard. |
1.1885 |
0.04407 |
122 |
104 |
13 |
5 |
2187 |
Due to recent budget cuts, NASA has had to compromise on a few things. |
1.1885 |
0.04088 |
122 |
102 |
17 |
3 |
2188 |
Yes, I understand your son intended to enroll in astronomy
but perhaps he should have taken a course in spelling first. |
1.1882 |
0.05916 |
85 |
75 |
4 |
6 |
2189 |
Hogwarts? No, sorry, never heard of it. |
1.1882 |
0.05422 |
85 |
73 |
8 |
4 |
2190 |
You see,after our last session it became clear that you think I am a magician. So today,I chose my attire accordingly. |
1.1881 |
0.05017 |
101 |
87 |
9 |
5 |
2191 |
You're right your problems are out of this world |
1.1881 |
0.04606 |
101 |
85 |
13 |
3 |
2192 |
You're not really expecting me to perform miracles, are you? |
1.1881 |
0.05017 |
101 |
87 |
9 |
5 |
2193 |
I bet you're looking for cosmetic surgery not cosmic surgery. |
1.1881 |
0.04386 |
101 |
84 |
15 |
2 |
2194 |
Back in the day I was originally a cone head |
1.1881 |
0.04154 |
101 |
83 |
17 |
1 |
2195 |
Don’t worry, I don’t buy that mercury in retrograde mumbo jumbo |
1.1881 |
0.04606 |
101 |
85 |
13 |
3 |
2196 |
I agree my outfit can be somewhat problematic. |
1.1881 |
0.04606 |
101 |
85 |
13 |
3 |
2197 |
They say no one can hear you fart in space |
1.1881 |
0.04606 |
101 |
85 |
13 |
3 |
2198 |
Of course I’m trying to trick you. |
1.1881 |
0.04386 |
101 |
84 |
15 |
2 |
2199 |
As your attorney and astrological advisor, I strongly suggest you wait until Jupiter aligns with Mars in this matter. |
1.1881 |
0.04816 |
101 |
86 |
11 |
4 |
2200 |
« I really need you to take me seriously on this » |
1.1881 |
0.05017 |
101 |
87 |
9 |
5 |
2201 |
The stars say that you will hire me for your child’s birthday party. |
1.1880 |
0.04691 |
117 |
101 |
10 |
6 |
2202 |
So , thank your lucky stars you found me |
1.1880 |
0.04531 |
117 |
100 |
12 |
5 |
2203 |
We are equal opportunity but we're casting munchkins. |
1.1880 |
0.04531 |
117 |
100 |
12 |
5 |
2204 |
I do appreciate the gravity of layoffs. |
1.1880 |
0.04193 |
117 |
98 |
16 |
3 |
2205 |
I'm definitely more reliable than your financial consultant! |
1.1880 |
0.04365 |
117 |
99 |
14 |
4 |
2206 |
Have you ever considered separate tax returns?” |
1.1880 |
0.04014 |
117 |
97 |
18 |
2 |
2207 |
Common mistake. This is the Astropsychics Department |
1.1880 |
0.04420 |
133 |
115 |
11 |
7 |
2208 |
We used to be SVB but we've rebranded as Snobwarts, the bank where anything can happen. |
1.1875 |
0.04116 |
112 |
93 |
17 |
2 |
2209 |
It’s quite simple….Cryptocurrency is any form of currency that exists virtually and uses cryptography to secure transactions. |
1.1875 |
0.04307 |
112 |
94 |
15 |
3 |
2210 |
Your daughter will definitely diversify the sorcerer student body if she enrolls. |
1.1875 |
0.04307 |
112 |
94 |
15 |
3 |
2211 |
You are both officially hired here at the Lucky Charms Cereal Company! |
1.1875 |
0.04116 |
112 |
93 |
17 |
2 |
2212 |
Yes, I'm a wizard. But I can't help you find your remote control. |
1.1875 |
0.05652 |
80 |
69 |
7 |
4 |
2213 |
Wizard? Of course not, whatever made you think that? |
1.1875 |
0.04490 |
112 |
95 |
13 |
4 |
2214 |
No, I'm a very good accountant, but I'm a terrible wizard. |
1.1875 |
0.04756 |
96 |
81 |
12 |
3 |
2215 |
Because my mother’s name is Crystal Ball. |
1.1875 |
0.04835 |
112 |
97 |
9 |
6 |
2216 |
I doubt if I can put the magic back into your life. |
1.1875 |
0.04490 |
112 |
95 |
13 |
4 |
2217 |
For an extra $100, I strongly encourage you to take out our extended spell warranty. |
1.1875 |
0.04490 |
112 |
95 |
13 |
4 |
2218 |
The stars are telling me that you should not be here. I have no qualifications for this. |
1.1875 |
0.04402 |
128 |
110 |
12 |
6 |
2219 |
The Grand Wizard is on vacation “ |
1.1875 |
0.04756 |
96 |
81 |
12 |
3 |
2220 |
Might I suggest a Reverse Mortgage? |
1.1875 |
0.05196 |
96 |
83 |
8 |
5 |
2221 |
Sorry,your application for a planet transfer has been wait-listed. |
1.1875 |
0.04307 |
112 |
94 |
15 |
3 |
2222 |
As your financial advisor, I suggest to avoid toil and trouble, you diversify into eye of newt and toe of frog, wool of bat and tongue of dog. |
1.1875 |
0.05196 |
96 |
83 |
8 |
5 |
2223 |
At least one infant’s worth of collateral is standard, I’m afraid. |
1.1875 |
0.04756 |
96 |
81 |
12 |
3 |
2224 |
And then your son started speaking gibberish. Sorry I meant German. |
1.1875 |
0.04490 |
112 |
95 |
13 |
4 |
2225 |
I'm sorry Mr and Mrs Leyton, but the next time we catch you little girl doing card tricks in the school facilities we'll have to expel her from the school. |
1.1875 |
0.04490 |
112 |
95 |
13 |
4 |
2226 |
Investing can involve the risk of loss. |
1.1870 |
0.04218 |
123 |
104 |
15 |
4 |
2227 |
I'm sorry but if you exited the magic box before your legs were properly reattached, I can't help you. |
1.1870 |
0.04218 |
123 |
104 |
15 |
4 |
2228 |
So you want to go to the stars? |
1.1869 |
0.04013 |
107 |
88 |
18 |
1 |
2229 |
What do you think of me so far? |
1.1869 |
0.04430 |
107 |
90 |
14 |
3 |
2230 |
yes indeed, I am John Smith, the CPA, how can I help you? |
1.1869 |
0.04430 |
107 |
90 |
14 |
3 |
2231 |
Waiting for a perfect alignment, |
1.1869 |
0.04625 |
107 |
91 |
12 |
4 |
2232 |
Johnny isn't really lost, he just needed some space. |
1.1869 |
0.04430 |
107 |
90 |
14 |
3 |
2233 |
Do you realize I'm the NEW revised Ku Klux Clan |
1.1869 |
0.04812 |
107 |
92 |
10 |
5 |
2234 |
Now about my fee, let's get down-to-earth. |
1.1869 |
0.04992 |
107 |
93 |
8 |
6 |
2235 |
This travel agency may look out of this world, but I actually specialize in European river cruises. |
1.1869 |
0.04227 |
107 |
89 |
16 |
2 |
2236 |
Hahgwahts. Hahvahd. I lot of people from Boston get confused. |
1.1868 |
0.05162 |
91 |
78 |
9 |
4 |
2237 |
Look, I can't even win the lottery, what makes you
think I can help you? |
1.1868 |
0.04665 |
91 |
76 |
13 |
2 |
2238 |
No, that whole ballon thing was too twentieth century. |
1.1868 |
0.04665 |
91 |
76 |
13 |
2 |
2239 |
We take a pre-analytics approach to investing. |
1.1868 |
0.05162 |
91 |
78 |
9 |
4 |
2240 |
Yes, I will do your taxes. |
1.1868 |
0.04396 |
91 |
75 |
15 |
1 |
2241 |
I see interest rates skyrocketing on Mars, but I can get you in at 1% on Jupiter. |
1.1868 |
0.04396 |
91 |
75 |
15 |
1 |
2242 |
You can book now for 2025, but we don't know when you'll be able to book a return. |
1.1868 |
0.05393 |
91 |
79 |
7 |
5 |
2243 |
The rates on our home equity lines are out of this world. |
1.1868 |
0.05162 |
91 |
78 |
9 |
4 |
2244 |
I'll have what she's having |
1.1868 |
0.04396 |
91 |
75 |
15 |
1 |
2245 |
Sure, lots of people will SAY they offer reverse mortgages... |
1.1868 |
0.04920 |
91 |
77 |
11 |
3 |
2246 |
Yes, I certainly understand your desire to be able to continue to vote here in Florida and I assure you both came to the right place… |
1.1866 |
0.03844 |
134 |
112 |
19 |
3 |
2247 |
When you get there, don't breathe, there's no oxygen. |
1.1866 |
0.04260 |
134 |
115 |
13 |
6 |
2248 |
Intergalactic law is my passion, but we practice the regular kind too. |
1.1864 |
0.04331 |
118 |
100 |
14 |
4 |
2249 |
I can offer you one extra week time-travel-share, if you sign today. |
1.1864 |
0.04654 |
118 |
102 |
10 |
6 |
2250 |
In the vast yawning infinity of the cosmos, an IRS audit is meaningless. |
1.1864 |
0.04161 |
118 |
99 |
16 |
3 |
2251 |
Unfortunately, I forgot the magic formula that would make the broomstick stop carrying the water. |
1.1864 |
0.04331 |
118 |
100 |
14 |
4 |
2252 |
I’m sorry the planets just haven’t aligned. And not even we believe in astrology. I recommend a break and see how that feels. |
1.1864 |
0.03983 |
118 |
98 |
18 |
2 |
2253 |
Will your money be safe invested with me?
Oh, you are such an Aries. |
1.1863 |
0.04772 |
102 |
87 |
11 |
4 |
2254 |
No, I was not resorting to magical thinking when I said, ‘May the market force be with you next year.’” |
1.1863 |
0.04564 |
102 |
86 |
13 |
3 |
2255 |
If your son doesn’t put in more effort, he shall not pass. |
1.1863 |
0.04346 |
102 |
85 |
15 |
2 |
2256 |
Bad news, the moon is in fuckup. |
1.1863 |
0.04117 |
102 |
84 |
17 |
1 |
2257 |
You're confusing me with my brother,The Imperial Wizard. |
1.1863 |
0.04772 |
102 |
87 |
11 |
4 |
2258 |
White nationalism is in your future. |
1.1863 |
0.04564 |
102 |
86 |
13 |
3 |
2259 |
The way to a happy marriage isn’t
Science. |
1.1863 |
0.04772 |
102 |
87 |
11 |
4 |
2260 |
You can count on it: a bull market is coming. |
1.1863 |
0.04772 |
102 |
87 |
11 |
4 |
2261 |
You know, no one’s ever asked me that before. |
1.1863 |
0.04971 |
102 |
88 |
9 |
5 |
2262 |
The good news is the transfer was successful. The bad news is… you’re going to have a muggle. |
1.1863 |
0.04772 |
102 |
87 |
11 |
4 |
2263 |
We can talk about my anus another time. Let's focus on you today. |
1.1860 |
0.04826 |
86 |
72 |
12 |
2 |
2264 |
All these worlds are yours except Europa. Attempt no landing there. |
1.1860 |
0.04533 |
86 |
71 |
14 |
1 |
2265 |
When I heard grand wizard I was expecting something way cooler. |
1.1860 |
0.04826 |
86 |
72 |
12 |
2 |
2266 |
We like to call it interplanetary counseling. It's very expansive.
What doesn't work on Earth might work on one of Saturn's moons. |
1.1860 |
0.04084 |
129 |
109 |
16 |
4 |
2267 |
I keep finding your son hovering around the halls |
1.1860 |
0.05363 |
86 |
74 |
8 |
4 |
2268 |
If I can't solve you tax issues, we have a leprechaun in the office next door who might be able to. |
1.1860 |
0.04229 |
129 |
110 |
14 |
5 |
2269 |
I want to assure you that the fiduciary responsibility entrusted to me is my highest priority. |
1.1858 |
0.04453 |
113 |
96 |
13 |
4 |
2270 |
Unfortunately the destination you are interested in was actually destroyed a long time ago and the light we are seeing now actually took thousands of years to reach us here. |
1.1858 |
0.04453 |
113 |
96 |
13 |
4 |
2271 |
Let me assure you that the Hale-Bopp thing was a one off. THAT guy was crazy. |
1.1858 |
0.04272 |
113 |
95 |
15 |
3 |
2272 |
In my professional opinion it’s a planet, but you may want to seek a second opinion. |
1.1858 |
0.04083 |
113 |
94 |
17 |
2 |
2273 |
so you reached for the stars and here we are. |
1.1858 |
0.04795 |
113 |
98 |
9 |
6 |
2274 |
I have to agree with your partner. It sounds
fishy that you would spend your holiday alone in Venus |
1.1856 |
0.04933 |
97 |
83 |
10 |
4 |
2275 |
‘’I might be the principal but even I can’t make your teenager disappear.’’ |
1.1856 |
0.05146 |
97 |
84 |
8 |
5 |
2276 |
I'm sorry. There is no inhabitable planet without telemarketers |
1.1856 |
0.04933 |
97 |
83 |
10 |
4 |
2277 |
So,I heard you wanted to focus on space issues in your relationship |
1.1856 |
0.04710 |
97 |
82 |
12 |
3 |
2278 |
Although karma is a universal constant, rest assured, the gravity of your situation will vary from place to place. |
1.1856 |
0.04476 |
97 |
81 |
14 |
2 |
2279 |
We're going for a more universal appeal. |
1.1855 |
0.04027 |
124 |
104 |
17 |
3 |
2280 |
I can see that you are regretting your choice of a personal fitness trainer. |
1.1855 |
0.04340 |
124 |
106 |
13 |
5 |
2281 |
At the moment, all seats are first class. |
1.1855 |
0.04187 |
124 |
105 |
15 |
4 |
2282 |
I've calculated the alignments, checked the signs, and can only conclude that I make a better astrophysicist than a marriage counselor. |
1.1855 |
0.04187 |
124 |
105 |
15 |
4 |
2283 |
Perhaps you need to give each other space. |
1.1852 |
0.04393 |
108 |
91 |
14 |
3 |
2284 |
I know the celestial hat and robe seem silly. We used to go with simple white ones,but,well… You know— |
1.1852 |
0.04359 |
135 |
117 |
11 |
7 |
2285 |
Book 27: Harry Potter and the Wrath of the PTA |
1.1852 |
0.04393 |
108 |
91 |
14 |
3 |
2286 |
So, what brings you both here? |
1.1852 |
0.04770 |
108 |
93 |
10 |
5 |
2287 |
We do have an emphasis on the Black Arts, here.” |
1.1852 |
0.05856 |
81 |
71 |
5 |
5 |
2288 |
As your counselor, this warlock is all about the wedlock. |
1.1852 |
0.04948 |
108 |
94 |
8 |
6 |
2289 |
Why should we hire you? |
1.1852 |
0.04393 |
108 |
91 |
14 |
3 |
2290 |
The fault, dear Folks, IS in the stars. |
1.1852 |
0.04191 |
108 |
90 |
16 |
2 |
2291 |
I'm sorry but it doesn't look like early retirement is in your stars |
1.1852 |
0.04191 |
108 |
90 |
16 |
2 |
2292 |
A timeshare on Pluto is really your best investment in this uncertain market. |
1.1852 |
0.04393 |
108 |
91 |
14 |
3 |
2293 |
We have affordable lots with great views… and these won’t last… |
1.1849 |
0.04617 |
119 |
103 |
10 |
6 |
2294 |
Yes I can provide clarity about your taxes |
1.1849 |
0.04128 |
119 |
100 |
16 |
3 |
2295 |
As new employees, you will have go through your probation period, then the hat and gown will be provided along with health benefits and a 401(k) plan. |
1.1848 |
0.04619 |
92 |
77 |
13 |
2 |
2296 |
Why do you keep banging on about your kid's safety? Yes, the building is old, poorly maintained, full of monsters, and some members of the faculty actively try to kill the children. But hey, that's wizard school; take it or leave it. |
1.1848 |
0.05110 |
92 |
79 |
9 |
4 |
2297 |
Are you more interested in a packaged tour or solo travel? Perhaps an all-inclusive resort? |
1.1848 |
0.05110 |
92 |
79 |
9 |
4 |
2298 |
My legal instincts are more cosmic than killer. |
1.1848 |
0.05110 |
92 |
79 |
9 |
4 |
2299 |
What leads you to believe the universe is real? |
1.1848 |
0.05110 |
92 |
79 |
9 |
4 |
2300 |
So I've made the mole disappear, but tell me what you know about radiation poisoning... |
1.1848 |
0.04619 |
92 |
77 |
13 |
2 |
2301 |
The hat looked much better in the store |
1.1846 |
0.04055 |
130 |
110 |
16 |
4 |
2302 |
Your marriage is in retrograde |
1.1845 |
0.04729 |
103 |
88 |
11 |
4 |
2303 |
This time share is far out. |
1.1845 |
0.04308 |
103 |
86 |
15 |
2 |
2304 |
The NASDAQ? Hmmm, your guess is as good as mine. |
1.1845 |
0.04308 |
103 |
86 |
15 |
2 |
2305 |
You two may have more issues than what my magic & potions can fix |
1.1845 |
0.04729 |
103 |
88 |
11 |
4 |
2306 |
I'm afraid I cannot help you. Perhaps an alternative less mainstream therapy may be the answer. |
1.1845 |
0.04308 |
103 |
86 |
15 |
2 |
2307 |
Don't worry, the brooms do most of the work. |
1.1845 |
0.04308 |
103 |
86 |
15 |
2 |
2308 |
A tax wizard, is still by all ACCOUNTS a wizard. Sorry tax wizard humor |
1.1845 |
0.04308 |
103 |
86 |
15 |
2 |
2309 |
No, the miles from your recent Miami trip will not help. |
1.1840 |
0.04308 |
125 |
107 |
13 |
5 |
2310 |
Of course, I'd like to help, but the stars' alignment does not permit it. |
1.1839 |
0.05047 |
87 |
74 |
10 |
3 |
2311 |
But you have to cross a bridge in Brooklyn to get there. |
1.1839 |
0.04775 |
87 |
73 |
12 |
2 |
2312 |
We’ll be opening our first fully integrated housing community in Galaxy 2 within 300 years. Now might be a good time to buy in! |
1.1839 |
0.05047 |
87 |
74 |
10 |
3 |
2313 |
Look, magic isn't for everyone. Maybe your son can try being a doctor instead. |
1.1838 |
0.03933 |
136 |
115 |
17 |
4 |
2314 |
I'm sorry, but our GoEverywhere Package
does not include Pluto. |
1.1837 |
0.04435 |
98 |
82 |
14 |
2 |
2315 |
I promise you that in the next few sessions your every fantasy will be fully explored. |
1.1837 |
0.04886 |
98 |
84 |
10 |
4 |
2316 |
I know nothing about astrology. But I'd like to sell you some life insurance. |
1.1837 |
0.04666 |
98 |
83 |
12 |
3 |
2317 |
You seem like nice people, so I'll let you in on a little secret - most days, I'm just winging it on the horoscopes. |
1.1837 |
0.04435 |
98 |
82 |
14 |
2 |
2318 |
I assure you the quality of our services is out of this world. |
1.1837 |
0.05097 |
98 |
85 |
8 |
5 |
2319 |
Do you want the good news or bad news first. |
1.1837 |
0.04435 |
98 |
82 |
14 |
2 |
2320 |
I recommend redirecting a sizeable portion of your investment portfolio into cryptocurrency futures. |
1.1837 |
0.04435 |
98 |
82 |
14 |
2 |
2321 |
Wizard of OS (outer space) 😬 |
1.1837 |
0.04435 |
98 |
82 |
14 |
2 |
2322 |
All the kids stay inside.
Open Spaces scare us. |
1.1835 |
0.04546 |
109 |
93 |
12 |
4 |
2323 |
I've been in cryptocurrency since the beginning. |
1.1835 |
0.04355 |
109 |
92 |
14 |
3 |
2324 |
You can get close to the stars with my tour featuring a trip to Hollywood. |
1.1835 |
0.04156 |
109 |
91 |
16 |
2 |
2325 |
There's no easy way to say this, but...you're not a wizard, Harry. |
1.1835 |
0.04355 |
109 |
92 |
14 |
3 |
2326 |
Yes, your little space cadet must take the moon field trip. Wearing the pointy hat is optional. |
1.1835 |
0.04355 |
109 |
92 |
14 |
3 |
2327 |
I'll be wearing this until your child is released. |
1.1835 |
0.04156 |
109 |
91 |
16 |
2 |
2328 |
In my defense, my ad does says that I’m a ‘wizard’ at solving marriage problems. |
1.1835 |
0.04355 |
109 |
92 |
14 |
3 |
2329 |
Why yes, my audit style is considered a bit trippy. |
1.1833 |
0.04264 |
120 |
102 |
14 |
4 |
2330 |
Our financial plans are out of this world. |
1.1833 |
0.04264 |
120 |
102 |
14 |
4 |
2331 |
New York State doesn't license wizards, so I'm afraid I don't have anything on paper I can show you folks. |
1.1833 |
0.04097 |
120 |
101 |
16 |
3 |
2332 |
O.K. so let me get this straight... You thought a guy with a hat like mine would be able to predict whether the stars would align for you to pick this week's winning Powerball numbers? |
1.1833 |
0.03922 |
120 |
100 |
18 |
2 |
2333 |
We don't have accommodations as yet on all the planets. Which one did you have in mind? |
1.1833 |
0.03739 |
120 |
99 |
20 |
1 |
2334 |
Where Do You Want To Go Today? |
1.1833 |
0.04097 |
120 |
101 |
16 |
3 |
2335 |
Indeed your daughter is one of the more grounded students in our academy, and I’m pleased to say we have a solution for that. |
1.1828 |
0.04822 |
93 |
79 |
11 |
3 |
2336 |
I’m sorry. I can’t control interest rates. |
1.1828 |
0.04822 |
93 |
79 |
11 |
3 |
2337 |
Our 9 3/4 syllabus has a long a successful history. |
1.1828 |
0.04573 |
93 |
78 |
13 |
2 |
2338 |
Yes, I am the dad. Mel Potter at your service. |
1.1828 |
0.05284 |
93 |
81 |
7 |
5 |
2339 |
Your case is not within my orbit, but I can see where you want to go with it. |
1.1828 |
0.05284 |
93 |
81 |
7 |
5 |
2340 |
My rate is $30 an hour. I don't sing. I don't dance. I make no physical contact with any child.
What I do is to tell the little ones at the party the true story of my captivity on Planet Screwloose in the Galaxy Nutso as photographed to my right. |
1.1828 |
0.04822 |
93 |
79 |
11 |
3 |
2341 |
I can offer you my financial services, but the moon and the stars can only come from you. |
1.1827 |
0.04483 |
104 |
88 |
13 |
3 |
2342 |
How can I help you? |
1.1827 |
0.04687 |
104 |
89 |
11 |
4 |
2343 |
Sorry, you're dreaming. I can't help you. |
1.1827 |
0.04687 |
104 |
89 |
11 |
4 |
2344 |
I am a wizard fiduciary. |
1.1827 |
0.05069 |
104 |
91 |
7 |
6 |
2345 |
The next trip to Mars is in 2027. |
1.1827 |
0.05069 |
104 |
91 |
7 |
6 |
2346 |
Who sent you here? |
1.1827 |
0.04687 |
104 |
89 |
11 |
4 |
2347 |
And for a mere one million more, we can even show you the cow who jumped over the moon. |
1.1827 |
0.04882 |
104 |
90 |
9 |
5 |
2348 |
I predict that your marriage will last 1 revolution across the sun. |
1.1827 |
0.04270 |
104 |
87 |
15 |
2 |
2349 |
We need to talk about your son's spelling. |
1.1827 |
0.04483 |
104 |
88 |
13 |
3 |
2350 |
Yes, but the flier did say "astrologist for hire" ... |
1.1826 |
0.04018 |
115 |
96 |
17 |
2 |
2351 |
Unfortunately our "Dorothy" package has been cancelled. |
1.1826 |
0.04204 |
115 |
97 |
15 |
3 |
2352 |
In space, no one can hear you vent. |
1.1826 |
0.04018 |
115 |
96 |
17 |
2 |
2353 |
Your son must apply himself if he wants better grades. It’s not magic. |
1.1826 |
0.04552 |
115 |
99 |
11 |
5 |
2354 |
Your wish is to make one misdemeanor into a felony? |
1.1826 |
0.04552 |
115 |
99 |
11 |
5 |
2355 |
Jackie Robinson, you probably remember, was an Aquarius. |
1.1825 |
0.04276 |
126 |
108 |
13 |
5 |
2356 |
Where do you see yourselves in 80,000 years? |
1.1818 |
0.04152 |
99 |
82 |
16 |
1 |
2357 |
The first step in couples therapy is realizing that men are from Venus… |
1.1818 |
0.04393 |
99 |
83 |
14 |
2 |
2358 |
Your son hasn't been cheating on his homework. |
1.1818 |
0.04840 |
99 |
85 |
10 |
4 |
2359 |
I prefer the title Soothsayer. |
1.1818 |
0.04319 |
110 |
93 |
14 |
3 |
2360 |
I feel like you're both spacing out on me. |
1.1818 |
0.04840 |
99 |
85 |
10 |
4 |
2361 |
When doing an estate plan, most lawyers will say that no one has a crystal ball. But I do. |
1.1818 |
0.04840 |
99 |
85 |
10 |
4 |
2362 |
I'd say finding a judge without bias in this district is beyond me. |
1.1818 |
0.04232 |
121 |
103 |
14 |
4 |
2363 |
The good news is they’re not using the term ‘llegal aliens’ anymore.” |
1.1818 |
0.04622 |
99 |
84 |
12 |
3 |
2364 |
Welcome to Astro-therapy, by focusing less on relationship problems and more on the impending doom of earth I believe we can help you. |
1.1818 |
0.04066 |
121 |
102 |
16 |
3 |
2365 |
I wanted to be a dolphin trainer. |
1.1818 |
0.04622 |
99 |
84 |
12 |
3 |
2366 |
So tell me Mr. President... |
1.1818 |
0.04391 |
121 |
104 |
12 |
5 |
2367 |
Nostradamus predicted it, so there’s nothing to be done. |
1.1818 |
0.04994 |
88 |
75 |
10 |
3 |
2368 |
We all know traditional therapy doesn't work. |
1.1818 |
0.04319 |
110 |
93 |
14 |
3 |
2369 |
So, tell me what you are feeling… |
1.1818 |
0.04393 |
99 |
83 |
14 |
2 |
2370 |
Well , Mr. and Mrs. Smith, the good news is you are both Geminis. The bad news is you are fraternal twins. |
1.1818 |
0.04508 |
110 |
94 |
12 |
4 |
2371 |
We begin each day with a rendition of Are the Stars Out Tonight. |
1.1818 |
0.04393 |
99 |
83 |
14 |
2 |
2372 |
I'm only dressed this way to make forecasts seem seem more credible. |
1.1818 |
0.04319 |
110 |
93 |
14 |
3 |
2373 |
Look, I can’t work miracles |
1.1818 |
0.04152 |
99 |
82 |
16 |
1 |
2374 |
Th added feature for this insurance policy is a trip to the moon. |
1.1818 |
0.04622 |
99 |
84 |
12 |
3 |
2375 |
Unfortunately, we are wizards not magicians, we cannot make your son eat his vegetables |
1.1818 |
0.04689 |
110 |
95 |
10 |
5 |
2376 |
For that I need to consult with ChatGPT. |
1.1818 |
0.04622 |
99 |
84 |
12 |
3 |
2377 |
Five Star Total Landscaping is actually across town. |
1.1818 |
0.04319 |
110 |
93 |
14 |
3 |
2378 |
It would take more than a wizard
to bring you two back together again." |
1.1818 |
0.04622 |
99 |
84 |
12 |
3 |
2379 |
I am taking you off of lexapro and prescribing you amethyst. Be wary of the next 2 weeks of feeling a little off, it is just because mercury is in retrograde. |
1.1811 |
0.04095 |
127 |
108 |
15 |
4 |
2380 |
I assure you our interplantary investments are safe. It's not like we are investing in crypto. |
1.1810 |
0.04170 |
116 |
98 |
15 |
3 |
2381 |
I am sorry, but Mars has been Red-lined. Perhaps we might find a parcel that would be to your liking on the dark side of the Moon. |
1.1810 |
0.04170 |
116 |
98 |
15 |
3 |
2382 |
Marriage counseling for you? No, I only advise the stars. |
1.1810 |
0.04346 |
116 |
99 |
13 |
4 |
2383 |
No, really, there’s nothing magic about building a good relationship. |
1.1810 |
0.04170 |
116 |
98 |
15 |
3 |
2384 |
Divorced. Why? |
1.1810 |
0.04645 |
105 |
90 |
11 |
4 |
2385 |
I don't like having a boss breathing down my neck! |
1.1810 |
0.04645 |
105 |
90 |
11 |
4 |
2386 |
Downturn? Not in your lifetime. Then again, how old did you say you were? |
1.1810 |
0.04232 |
105 |
88 |
15 |
2 |
2387 |
Just as we predicted, the American mice |
1.1810 |
0.04232 |
105 |
88 |
15 |
2 |
2388 |
There’s something eerily familiar with you hat. |
1.1810 |
0.04645 |
105 |
90 |
11 |
4 |
2389 |
As we begin,please remember this can be a very involved and time consuming process. Your dedication and patience is appreciated. Currently we have some supernovas that have been waiting billions and billions of years to be adopted... |
1.1810 |
0.04645 |
105 |
90 |
11 |
4 |
2390 |
I'm sorry. I don't deal in black holes. I'm a white astrologer. |
1.1810 |
0.05024 |
105 |
92 |
7 |
6 |
2391 |
Your daughter was not admitted because her IQ is too high. |
1.1810 |
0.04444 |
105 |
89 |
13 |
3 |
2392 |
Sorry, the next seven Elon Express trips to Mars are all booked but we can get you on the wait list for Saturn. |
1.1809 |
0.04774 |
94 |
80 |
11 |
3 |
2393 |
I assume you're looking to put a little magic back into your relationship. |
1.1809 |
0.04774 |
94 |
80 |
11 |
3 |
2394 |
It is evident that we are from alternative universes. |
1.1809 |
0.04774 |
94 |
80 |
11 |
3 |
2395 |
As your wizard, I advise against getting Lana Del Rey's latest recording - those one-of-her-best-yet raves defy credibility. Also, I'd warn you against eating at restaurants with peanut shells on the floor, but you don't need a wizard to say that. |
1.1809 |
0.05231 |
94 |
82 |
7 |
5 |
2396 |
Retirement planning is really more of a dark art than a dark science. |
1.1809 |
0.04528 |
94 |
79 |
13 |
2 |
2397 |
What's in the starts for you? The same as for the rest of us - WE"RE TOAST! |
1.1809 |
0.05008 |
94 |
81 |
9 |
4 |
2398 |
You may find our Liability-Waiver rather lengthy. |
1.1809 |
0.04268 |
94 |
78 |
15 |
1 |
2399 |
They told me to dress fancy for the health and safety inspections.. I now understand this is not what they meant |
1.1809 |
0.04268 |
94 |
78 |
15 |
1 |
2400 |
Wiccan I do for you? |
1.1807 |
0.05723 |
83 |
73 |
5 |
5 |
2401 |
Don't worry about saving for your grandson's education, we'll all be burnt toast by then |
1.1803 |
0.04199 |
122 |
104 |
14 |
4 |
2402 |
We’re in Taurus, go with beef futures. |
1.1803 |
0.04199 |
122 |
104 |
14 |
4 |
2403 |
Don't let CNN distract you. |
1.1803 |
0.04035 |
122 |
103 |
16 |
3 |
2404 |
As your financial advisor must advise you that’s not a good way to pick stocks. |
1.1802 |
0.04470 |
111 |
95 |
12 |
4 |
2405 |
Sadly, the planets are not in your favor. That'll be $500. |
1.1802 |
0.04283 |
111 |
94 |
14 |
3 |
2406 |
No, no, It's true. When the planets align, it's best to place all assets in my personal account until the economy improves, or until you can locate me. |
1.1802 |
0.04470 |
111 |
95 |
12 |
4 |
2407 |
Would you say this problem started around the time you went to Jupiter to get more stupider? |
1.1802 |
0.04283 |
111 |
94 |
14 |
3 |
2408 |
Parent-teacher meeting. |
1.1800 |
0.04115 |
100 |
83 |
16 |
1 |
2409 |
You been outbid on the White Dwarf in Andromeda. But if you don't mind a further commute there's a Red Giant coming on the market in Milky Way soon. |
1.1800 |
0.04115 |
100 |
83 |
16 |
1 |
2410 |
no, I can't take you to oz |
1.1800 |
0.04579 |
100 |
85 |
12 |
3 |
2411 |
have you tried roleplaying? |
1.1800 |
0.04579 |
100 |
85 |
12 |
3 |
2412 |
I'm here to help couples for whom tradtional counseling methods have failed. |
1.1800 |
0.04579 |
100 |
85 |
12 |
3 |
2413 |
Dry spells are my forté. |
1.1800 |
0.04579 |
100 |
85 |
12 |
3 |
2414 |
I’m glad you have your partner here for these results… Due to the current location of Mercury, this month you will find yourself busy with many tasks around the house. |
1.1800 |
0.04795 |
100 |
86 |
10 |
4 |
2415 |
...Even I Can't Get You A House In THAT Neighborhood! |
1.1800 |
0.04579 |
100 |
85 |
12 |
3 |
2416 |
Your children are concerned that you are a bit stodgy. |
1.1798 |
0.04941 |
89 |
76 |
10 |
3 |
2417 |
Normally we have children, but you will have to do. |
1.1798 |
0.05193 |
89 |
77 |
8 |
4 |
2418 |
Let's talk about the magic of marriage. |
1.1797 |
0.03911 |
128 |
108 |
17 |
3 |
2419 |
Grand Wizard" means something very different here, I assure you |
1.1797 |
0.04065 |
128 |
109 |
15 |
4 |
2420 |
Not the place for down to earth advice |
1.1795 |
0.04137 |
117 |
99 |
15 |
3 |
2421 |
So tell me, is this your first trip to fantasyland? |
1.1795 |
0.04137 |
117 |
99 |
15 |
3 |
2422 |
No it is not a clown suit. |
1.1795 |
0.04797 |
117 |
103 |
7 |
7 |
2423 |
Why, of course, financial advising is a science. |
1.1795 |
0.04137 |
117 |
99 |
15 |
3 |
2424 |
I am your great and powerful wizard! I guarantee that Tennessee is not the state for you! Run, run, run! Do not pass GO and do not collect $200. |
1.1795 |
0.04312 |
117 |
100 |
13 |
4 |
2425 |
For that, I'll need to summon my staff" |
1.1795 |
0.03955 |
117 |
98 |
17 |
2 |
2426 |
Yes, the JK Rowling situation has indeed affected ALL wizards. |
1.1795 |
0.04312 |
117 |
100 |
13 |
4 |
2427 |
I don't know what to tell you, virgos and pisces just aren't compatible. |
1.1795 |
0.03764 |
117 |
97 |
19 |
1 |
2428 |
Your wife says you keep spacing out. |
1.1792 |
0.04795 |
106 |
92 |
9 |
5 |
2429 |
Not to worry, yours is a universal, binary dilemma. |
1.1792 |
0.04604 |
106 |
91 |
11 |
4 |
2430 |
You are beyond a marriage counselor |
1.1792 |
0.04405 |
106 |
90 |
13 |
3 |
2431 |
I’m somewhat of an astronomy wiz myself. |
1.1792 |
0.04196 |
106 |
89 |
15 |
2 |
2432 |
I’m a Certified Financial Astrologer, and I predict great things for your portfolio. |
1.1792 |
0.04604 |
106 |
91 |
11 |
4 |
2433 |
You will benefit from a vacation in Remulak, where you can study advanced marital techniques from erotically accomplished Coneheads. |
1.1789 |
0.04484 |
95 |
80 |
13 |
2 |
2434 |
I'm afraid you don't qualify for a loan. The stars just didn't align. |
1.1789 |
0.04728 |
95 |
81 |
11 |
3 |
2435 |
We don't know why, but your child is indulging in magical thinking. |
1.1789 |
0.04728 |
95 |
81 |
11 |
3 |
2436 |
It's not about flowers, it's the idea of being thought of, no, please don't reach into your sleeve. |
1.1789 |
0.04728 |
95 |
81 |
11 |
3 |
2437 |
I’m sensing that Mercury is always in retrograde for you. |
1.1789 |
0.04728 |
95 |
81 |
11 |
3 |
2438 |
You can’t expect me to make your couple’s problems magically disappear.”
Nico Gatti Roaf, Washington D |
1.1789 |
0.04959 |
95 |
82 |
9 |
4 |
2439 |
Yes, we were once Mr. Trump's auditors, why do you ask? |
1.1789 |
0.05180 |
95 |
83 |
7 |
5 |
2440 |
see i told you pisces and libra is a very bad match |
1.1789 |
0.04484 |
95 |
80 |
13 |
2 |
2441 |
Your child’s curriculum will be light years ahead of other schools in the district. |
1.1789 |
0.04325 |
123 |
106 |
12 |
5 |
2442 |
The treatment I am proposing for you has proven very successful so far with fictional persons. |
1.1786 |
0.04433 |
112 |
96 |
12 |
4 |
2443 |
Her Aries beats your soft, sweet Aquarius. She controls the remote. |
1.1786 |
0.03850 |
112 |
93 |
18 |
1 |
2444 |
Sorry, I can't make you stars. |
1.1786 |
0.04247 |
112 |
95 |
14 |
3 |
2445 |
Your galaxy trip insurance must be paid in full with Milky Ways. |
1.1786 |
0.04782 |
112 |
98 |
8 |
6 |
2446 |
What goes around, comes around. |
1.1786 |
0.04247 |
112 |
95 |
14 |
3 |
2447 |
Your son will be fully human again by the next full moon. Please don't send him mail before then, as he won't be able to read it. |
1.1786 |
0.05399 |
84 |
73 |
7 |
4 |
2448 |
Cosmic forces shall determine how we handle your investments. |
1.1786 |
0.04247 |
112 |
95 |
14 |
3 |
2449 |
Its not traditional, true, but we feel it is apropos for how we come up with our financial advice. |
1.1783 |
0.04036 |
129 |
110 |
15 |
4 |
2450 |
As you know, Gov. DeSantis has Muggle Studies on the chopping block. |
1.1783 |
0.03883 |
129 |
109 |
17 |
3 |
2451 |
I'm so sorry. The Moon is in Uranus. |
1.1782 |
0.04537 |
101 |
86 |
12 |
3 |
2452 |
Tax season has been hard on all of us |
1.1782 |
0.04537 |
101 |
86 |
12 |
3 |
2453 |
No, we will not give you a loan in this universe or any other. |
1.1782 |
0.04954 |
101 |
88 |
8 |
5 |
2454 |
Where is Karnak when you need him? |
1.1782 |
0.04537 |
101 |
86 |
12 |
3 |
2455 |
Welcome to Supreme Astrology justice and Ms Thomas . I see dark clouds in your future. |
1.1782 |
0.04313 |
101 |
85 |
14 |
2 |
2456 |
I just wanted to reassure you that J.K Rowling has no association with us anymore. |
1.1782 |
0.04537 |
101 |
86 |
12 |
3 |
2457 |
Couples Therapy Chapter One: The sun is the center of the universe, not your marital struggles. |
1.1778 |
0.05377 |
90 |
79 |
6 |
5 |
2458 |
I’m the guy that sets the odds
on Draft Kings. |
1.1778 |
0.04890 |
90 |
77 |
10 |
3 |
2459 |
I’m sorry, Mr. and Mrs. Stanley, but I can’t help you; my hands are tied. Literally. |
1.1778 |
0.05377 |
90 |
79 |
6 |
5 |
2460 |
Just tell me your problem. I have an answer for everything |
1.1778 |
0.05139 |
90 |
78 |
8 |
4 |
2461 |
unfortunately, your stars are not aligned and the planets, don't even ask. |
1.1778 |
0.05139 |
90 |
78 |
8 |
4 |
2462 |
I’m sensing that you both need some space. |
1.1778 |
0.04628 |
90 |
76 |
12 |
2 |
2463 |
The markets will crash, the ocean will flood your retirement home but Law and Order will have a 55th season. |
1.1778 |
0.04890 |
90 |
77 |
10 |
3 |
2464 |
How about one week a year of sublime Martian sunsets? |
1.1778 |
0.04350 |
90 |
75 |
14 |
1 |
2465 |
I’m no wizard. I just like this look! |
1.1776 |
0.04564 |
107 |
92 |
11 |
4 |
2466 |
We can definitely take an alternative look at your case. |
1.1776 |
0.04753 |
107 |
93 |
9 |
5 |
2467 |
Your deposits are perfectly safe. Certain banks got into some weird, risky assets in recent years, but not us. I've never even heard of this "Mooncoin" thing you're talking about, and I'm definitely not rekt or a bagholder, OK? Whatever that means. |
1.1776 |
0.04160 |
107 |
90 |
15 |
2 |
2468 |
Your son vanishes before every assembly . |
1.1776 |
0.04564 |
107 |
92 |
11 |
4 |
2469 |
So your wife tells me you promised her the moon and the stars |
1.1776 |
0.04753 |
107 |
93 |
9 |
5 |
2470 |
Although the housing market right now is problematic, our firm believes that people should consider larger options. |
1.1774 |
0.04136 |
124 |
106 |
14 |
4 |
2471 |
The space station trip is 250K each,the moon pricing is TBD. |
1.1774 |
0.03806 |
124 |
104 |
18 |
2 |
2472 |
Do you have any idea how many people have asked me that question? |
1.1773 |
0.03804 |
141 |
120 |
17 |
4 |
2473 |
My wife said she needed space. |
1.1772 |
0.05018 |
79 |
67 |
10 |
2 |
2474 |
There’s been a change in management that you should know about.
C. Tom Howes
507 Valley Road
Havertown,PA 19083
610-789-3176 |
1.1771 |
0.05540 |
96 |
86 |
3 |
7 |
2475 |
Many couples find a change of scenery can recharge their relationships. |
1.1771 |
0.04441 |
96 |
81 |
13 |
2 |
2476 |
Well I have sun news, and I have moon news. |
1.1771 |
0.04910 |
96 |
83 |
9 |
4 |
2477 |
I’m spacing out about who you folks are? |
1.1771 |
0.04910 |
96 |
83 |
9 |
4 |
2478 |
You want me to make her forget what? |
1.1771 |
0.04910 |
96 |
83 |
9 |
4 |
2479 |
I like to dress for the job. Now, about your investments . . . |
1.1771 |
0.04187 |
96 |
80 |
15 |
1 |
2480 |
Just say “Hey Presto” three times and your marital problems will disappear. |
1.1771 |
0.04682 |
96 |
82 |
11 |
3 |
2481 |
Yes, I do honeymoons too. |
1.1771 |
0.04441 |
96 |
81 |
13 |
2 |
2482 |
We can guarantee both the gender and which sign they're born under. |
1.1770 |
0.04213 |
113 |
96 |
14 |
3 |
2483 |
I can't make your marital problems disappear. I'm a wizard, not a magician. |
1.1770 |
0.04213 |
113 |
96 |
14 |
3 |
2484 |
Once you get the astronaut bug it doesn't leave you. |
1.1770 |
0.04213 |
113 |
96 |
14 |
3 |
2485 |
Our planetary time shares are purchased in light years for use by generations to come |
1.1770 |
0.04213 |
113 |
96 |
14 |
3 |
2486 |
Sorry about the wait. I’ve been putting together a lot of travel packages for billionaires. |
1.1765 |
0.03707 |
119 |
99 |
19 |
1 |
2487 |
I'm sorry but astrology has its limits. |
1.1765 |
0.04496 |
102 |
87 |
12 |
3 |
2488 |
Yes, even our potions will require a booster. |
1.1765 |
0.04275 |
102 |
86 |
14 |
2 |
2489 |
Yes, our rocket company is just like all the others, only without the waiting list." |
1.1765 |
0.04496 |
102 |
87 |
12 |
3 |
2490 |
It's the latest thing in adventure travel: Space. We are taking reservations now. |
1.1765 |
0.04275 |
102 |
86 |
14 |
2 |
2491 |
Technically, I’m a nerd, but I minored in wizardry. |
1.1765 |
0.04275 |
102 |
86 |
14 |
2 |
2492 |
Yes, the new yorker could also be considered as 'state-affiliated media' |
1.1765 |
0.03894 |
119 |
100 |
17 |
2 |
2493 |
As your accountant, I must tell you I see an audit in your future. |
1.1760 |
0.04260 |
125 |
108 |
12 |
5 |
2494 |
I wanted to talk about your child's spelling lessons. |
1.1760 |
0.04106 |
125 |
107 |
14 |
4 |
2495 |
Indeed, there are sound investment opportunities in the gas giants. |
1.1760 |
0.04553 |
125 |
110 |
8 |
7 |
2496 |
Are you kidding me? |
1.1759 |
0.04124 |
108 |
91 |
15 |
2 |
2497 |
My stock tips are out of this world. |
1.1759 |
0.04329 |
108 |
92 |
13 |
3 |
2498 |
You're from Mars. She's from Venus. |
1.1759 |
0.04329 |
108 |
92 |
13 |
3 |
2499 |
I can’t say for sure what the future holds for you, but for fifty bucks I’ll name a star after you. |
1.1759 |
0.04124 |
108 |
91 |
15 |
2 |
2500 |
As you may already know, I’m a wizard when it comes to Universal Life insurance. |
1.1759 |
0.04329 |
108 |
92 |
13 |
3 |
2501 |
I'll get to your taxes, but first I want to review your moon sign. |
1.1758 |
0.04840 |
91 |
78 |
10 |
3 |
2502 |
Any sufficiently advanced marriage is indistinguishable from magic. |
1.1758 |
0.04581 |
91 |
77 |
12 |
2 |
2503 |
I recommend that we schedule a screening to look at Uranus. |
1.1758 |
0.04306 |
91 |
76 |
14 |
1 |
2504 |
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. And vice versa." |
1.1758 |
0.04013 |
91 |
75 |
16 |
0 |
2505 |
What if we rewrite the stars? Say he was made to be mine?” |
1.1758 |
0.04581 |
91 |
77 |
12 |
2 |
2506 |
No. This is not a dunce cap. I know everything about anything. Pay my fee and I will tell you what you want to know. |
1.1758 |
0.04840 |
91 |
78 |
10 |
3 |
2507 |
Please excuse my white asteroid privilege. |
1.1754 |
0.04360 |
114 |
98 |
12 |
4 |
2508 |
Believe in Witchcraft, and all will be as it should be! |
1.1754 |
0.04360 |
114 |
98 |
12 |
4 |
2509 |
A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away. . . |
1.1754 |
0.04360 |
114 |
98 |
12 |
4 |
2510 |
I don't usually write wills, but I'm open to the challenge. |
1.1754 |
0.04178 |
114 |
97 |
14 |
3 |
2511 |
As if by magic, your investment in bitcoin may beat the S&P. |
1.1754 |
0.04178 |
114 |
97 |
14 |
3 |
2512 |
I see you in a time share on Mars |
1.1754 |
0.04360 |
114 |
98 |
12 |
4 |
2513 |
She told me she needs some space. |
1.1754 |
0.04178 |
114 |
97 |
14 |
3 |
2514 |
I'm NASA's A.I. director You want to go where? |
1.1753 |
0.04399 |
97 |
82 |
13 |
2 |
2515 |
Two of my kids aren't wizards and they're perfectly happy. |
1.1753 |
0.04148 |
97 |
81 |
15 |
1 |
2516 |
I see no reason why I can't get you into a low interest mortgage today. |
1.1753 |
0.04399 |
97 |
82 |
13 |
2 |
2517 |
Actually, I charge by the planet. |
1.1753 |
0.04399 |
97 |
82 |
13 |
2 |
2518 |
I'm in charge of all the reservations to The Magic Galaxy. |
1.1753 |
0.05079 |
97 |
85 |
7 |
5 |
2519 |
As your financial advisor, I’ve got to ask… have you heard of the James Webb Space Telescope?” |
1.1753 |
0.04863 |
97 |
84 |
9 |
4 |
2520 |
Okay, enough jokes, let's keep it serious here. |
1.1753 |
0.04637 |
97 |
83 |
11 |
3 |
2521 |
Leo and Libra, you've got a situation!" |
1.1753 |
0.04637 |
97 |
83 |
11 |
3 |
2522 |
I’ll have to read my horoscope before I reach a decision. |
1.1753 |
0.04399 |
97 |
82 |
13 |
2 |
2523 |
My track record is stellar |
1.1753 |
0.04637 |
97 |
83 |
11 |
3 |
2524 |
And then, once your check clears, Harry Potter will hand you your diplomas. |
1.1750 |
0.04211 |
120 |
103 |
13 |
4 |
2525 |
As there is a star war going on in Washington I cannot recommend you the Super Sunny Holiday on Venus for next weekend. |
1.1748 |
0.04236 |
103 |
87 |
14 |
2 |
2526 |
Your daughter will be alright, but her wand was not intended to be used so vigorously. |
1.1748 |
0.04864 |
103 |
90 |
8 |
5 |
2527 |
I'm afraid if your son won't start behaving, he might just disappear. |
1.1748 |
0.04455 |
103 |
88 |
12 |
3 |
2528 |
When the moon is in the 7th house and Jupiter aligns with Mars,then peace will guide the planets and love will steer the stars...now about your tax returns.” |
1.1748 |
0.04455 |
103 |
88 |
12 |
3 |
2529 |
I used to be an econometrician, but I get better forecasts with astrology. |
1.1748 |
0.04236 |
103 |
87 |
14 |
2 |
2530 |
As your divorce counselor, I strongly encourage you to give each other some space. |
1.1746 |
0.03916 |
126 |
107 |
16 |
3 |
2531 |
Using Mars and Venus as a way to describe male-female relationships, is outdated. We are now looking much deeper into the universe to discover these distinctions. |
1.1746 |
0.03916 |
126 |
107 |
16 |
3 |
2532 |
Sure, he’s gifted, but certainly no Harry Potter! |
1.1744 |
0.05015 |
86 |
74 |
9 |
3 |
2533 |
You'll be happy to know that space played no part in this decision. |
1.1744 |
0.05015 |
86 |
74 |
9 |
3 |
2534 |
Yes, this college offers a discount to science students born under the sign of Aries. |
1.1744 |
0.05015 |
86 |
74 |
9 |
3 |
2535 |
I’m really an actor this is just a side gig |
1.1744 |
0.05281 |
86 |
75 |
7 |
4 |
2536 |
I’m not your usual marriage counselor. |
1.1743 |
0.04090 |
109 |
92 |
15 |
2 |
2537 |
Yes, you'll be white when you wake up! |
1.1743 |
0.04671 |
109 |
95 |
9 |
5 |
2538 |
I am granting you eternal life...exactly as you are now |
1.1743 |
0.04292 |
109 |
93 |
13 |
3 |
2539 |
I am a star for financial retirement advice |
1.1743 |
0.04292 |
109 |
93 |
13 |
3 |
2540 |
You may have come to me today to book your trip to Hawaii, but I've got something better for you: a virtual reality trip to Mars! Shall I get you set up with a pair of VR goggles? |
1.1743 |
0.03876 |
109 |
91 |
17 |
1 |
2541 |
Welcome to the good place. |
1.1743 |
0.04090 |
109 |
92 |
15 |
2 |
2542 |
You see, I learned early on that accounting is just a lot of money, a lot of numbers, and a little pinch of magic |
1.1743 |
0.04486 |
109 |
94 |
11 |
4 |
2543 |
At the Celestial School of Wizardry, we believe in educating the whole person, even if that person falls light years behind the rest of the class. |
1.1742 |
0.03951 |
132 |
113 |
15 |
4 |
2544 |
I am concerned about your son's spelling skills. |
1.1739 |
0.04791 |
92 |
79 |
10 |
3 |
2545 |
Maybe you should apologize for what you did in her dream." |
1.1739 |
0.04325 |
115 |
99 |
12 |
4 |
2546 |
You must go to the second star on the right and then straight off till morning. |
1.1739 |
0.04791 |
92 |
79 |
10 |
3 |
2547 |
If the NY Attorney General comes after us we can use this outfit as leverage in our incompetency hearing |
1.1739 |
0.04535 |
92 |
78 |
12 |
2 |
2548 |
Looking into the future? It's really the best way to prepare your taxes. |
1.1739 |
0.04535 |
92 |
78 |
12 |
2 |
2549 |
I've been told you have a question about Vanderpump Rules. |
1.1739 |
0.04325 |
115 |
99 |
12 |
4 |
2550 |
Three bedrooms is pushing it but I can probably try for two, in an elevator building. |
1.1739 |
0.03956 |
115 |
97 |
16 |
2 |
2551 |
My approach to providing financial planning advice has changed to accommodate the current economic climate |
1.1739 |
0.04535 |
92 |
78 |
12 |
2 |
2552 |
Congratulations— you’ve been upgraded from Cancer to Taurus. |
1.1739 |
0.04535 |
92 |
78 |
12 |
2 |
2553 |
Wizard you go I go |
1.1739 |
0.04535 |
92 |
78 |
12 |
2 |
2554 |
Trust me, your safest investment would be intergalactic cryptocurrency real estate. |
1.1739 |
0.04791 |
92 |
79 |
10 |
3 |
2555 |
I can't just move constellations around to make you more compatible |
1.1739 |
0.04535 |
92 |
78 |
12 |
2 |
2556 |
I'm sorry, we only do White magic here. |
1.1739 |
0.04263 |
92 |
77 |
14 |
1 |
2557 |
If you want your son to get into Hogwarts you’re going to need to start building his wizardry profile.” |
1.1736 |
0.04179 |
121 |
104 |
13 |
4 |
2558 |
If the world’s your oyster, I’d give it a crack. |
1.1736 |
0.04340 |
121 |
105 |
11 |
5 |
2559 |
Listen, you do not just walk into Mordor. It would be such folly! The only food there is man fleash and NO WiFi! |
1.1735 |
0.04358 |
98 |
83 |
13 |
2 |
2560 |
I can assue you the celestial galaxy is post-racist. |
1.1735 |
0.04358 |
98 |
83 |
13 |
2 |
2561 |
Please don't tell anyone I'm a Deep Fake. |
1.1735 |
0.04593 |
98 |
84 |
11 |
3 |
2562 |
I look like a Magician, but this doesn't work with all couples, unfortunately. |
1.1735 |
0.04358 |
98 |
83 |
13 |
2 |
2563 |
So as far as your marriage is concerned, you know I am a wizard, NOT a magician. |
1.1732 |
0.03724 |
127 |
107 |
18 |
2 |
2564 |
With all the markers up in the air, I've got a better score than Warren Buffett. |
1.1731 |
0.04199 |
104 |
88 |
14 |
2 |
2565 |
So, you’re talking about attaching a solar system to you house? |
1.1731 |
0.04622 |
104 |
90 |
10 |
4 |
2566 |
When we changed our name to QAnon we upgraded the uniform. |
1.1731 |
0.04622 |
104 |
90 |
10 |
4 |
2567 |
I'm afraid your son's interest in this so-called 'science' is adversely affecting his alchemy studies. |
1.1731 |
0.04199 |
104 |
88 |
14 |
2 |
2568 |
You two are our first clients to travel with our space rocket so unfortunately we do not have any information to provide |
1.1731 |
0.03970 |
104 |
87 |
16 |
1 |
2569 |
Wait, did you ask to speak to the Astrology advisor or the Astronomy advisor? |
1.1727 |
0.04631 |
110 |
96 |
9 |
5 |
2570 |
Frankly, I'm concerned your child is falling behind in Alakazaminomics. |
1.1727 |
0.04631 |
110 |
96 |
9 |
5 |
2571 |
But marriage isn’t rocket science… |
1.1727 |
0.03844 |
110 |
92 |
17 |
1 |
2572 |
I SEE ONE OF OUR MARS TIME SHARES IN YOUR FUTURE |
1.1727 |
0.04055 |
110 |
93 |
15 |
2 |
2573 |
'Don't worry, I can make your star signs match' |
1.1727 |
0.04631 |
110 |
96 |
9 |
5 |
2574 |
So, which travel plan would you like? |
1.1724 |
0.04112 |
116 |
99 |
14 |
3 |
2575 |
I'm sorry, but the tests came back negative, your son is not a wizard. |
1.1724 |
0.04684 |
87 |
74 |
11 |
2 |
2576 |
I see Saturn rising up Uranus. |
1.1724 |
0.04461 |
116 |
101 |
10 |
5 |
2577 |
You're in luck,the sun,stars,and planets are in total sync. However, I have no idea what that means. |
1.1724 |
0.04961 |
87 |
75 |
9 |
3 |
2578 |
With just a few sessions you marriage can ascend from the grave to out of this world! |
1.1724 |
0.04684 |
87 |
74 |
11 |
2 |
2579 |
Putting adultery aside, it could be the expanding universe. |
1.1724 |
0.04389 |
87 |
73 |
13 |
1 |
2580 |
Honestly, not even a wizard can fix your relationship. |
1.1724 |
0.04290 |
116 |
100 |
12 |
4 |
2581 |
Your retirement savings would go a lot further on Venus. Plus, you’ll love the summers there - hardly any sulphuric acid rain. |
1.1724 |
0.04290 |
116 |
100 |
12 |
4 |
2582 |
Sure, you can start being accountable for your actions, but it’s so much easier to blame it all on Mercury and your zodiac sign. |
1.1724 |
0.04961 |
87 |
75 |
9 |
3 |
2583 |
Name that broadway musical “when the moon is in the seventh house, an Jupiter aligns with Mars”. |
1.1724 |
0.04961 |
87 |
75 |
9 |
3 |
2584 |
My husband and I need some space. |
1.1721 |
0.04307 |
122 |
106 |
11 |
5 |
2585 |
I think you'll find my fee quite astronomical. |
1.1721 |
0.04147 |
122 |
105 |
13 |
4 |
2586 |
You last saw your kids at the border? I'll look up the record. |
1.1720 |
0.04490 |
93 |
79 |
12 |
2 |
2587 |
There’s nothing Mickey Mouse about this. |
1.1720 |
0.04221 |
93 |
78 |
14 |
1 |
2588 |
I am a funny clown.
Just not a "Ha-Ha" funny clown. |
1.1720 |
0.04983 |
93 |
81 |
8 |
4 |
2589 |
There is a certain amount of magic in a happy marriage |
1.1720 |
0.04221 |
93 |
78 |
14 |
1 |
2590 |
You've come to the right law firm, but I'm afraid your case against that astrologist is not in the stars. However, your lucky numbers today are going to be 11 and 4, and stay away from Sagittarius co-workers. |
1.1720 |
0.04983 |
93 |
81 |
8 |
4 |
2591 |
You see the grand wizard I was, not the financial wizard I am. |
1.1720 |
0.04490 |
93 |
79 |
12 |
2 |
2592 |
I have good news and bad news. |
1.1720 |
0.04490 |
93 |
79 |
12 |
2 |
2593 |
I think you’ll find through this process that I’m a real down to earth guy |
1.1720 |
0.04743 |
93 |
80 |
10 |
3 |
2594 |
You can’t time the market. |
1.1717 |
0.04071 |
99 |
83 |
15 |
1 |
2595 |
Just remember, you wouldn't have been allowed in Kolob before 1978. |
1.1717 |
0.04771 |
99 |
86 |
9 |
4 |
2596 |
When they said you had a stellar reputation, I didn't think they meant it literally |
1.1717 |
0.04317 |
99 |
84 |
13 |
2 |
2597 |
We accept what Hogwarts rejects. |
1.1717 |
0.04317 |
99 |
84 |
13 |
2 |
2598 |
Personally, I don't believe all that astrology crap. |
1.1717 |
0.04317 |
99 |
84 |
13 |
2 |
2599 |
If you can wait it out, I see your relationship improving dramatically after Jupiter revolves once around the sun...
or twelve Earth years. |
1.1717 |
0.04317 |
99 |
84 |
13 |
2 |
2600 |
You two need to make some space for the magic to happen. |
1.1717 |
0.04317 |
99 |
84 |
13 |
2 |
2601 |
You want a fixed term at that interest rate!? I'm not a magician. |
1.1717 |
0.04071 |
99 |
83 |
15 |
1 |
2602 |
So do you REALLY want me to do this? |
1.1717 |
0.04317 |
99 |
84 |
13 |
2 |
2603 |
I’m sorry but a tax refund this year is not in your stars. |
1.1714 |
0.04162 |
105 |
89 |
14 |
2 |
2604 |
What planet do you want him to come from? |
1.1714 |
0.04581 |
105 |
91 |
10 |
4 |
2605 |
We don't call it a dunce cap. I see that you'll both die in a fire..tomorrow. |
1.1714 |
0.03936 |
105 |
88 |
16 |
1 |
2606 |
Sorry, without Pluto the planets can no longer align. |
1.1714 |
0.04376 |
105 |
90 |
12 |
3 |
2607 |
Our next Comet Rendezvous Getaway is fully booked, but our mega asteroid cruise is expected to be a big hit. |
1.1714 |
0.04581 |
105 |
91 |
10 |
4 |
2608 |
I'm sorry, I can't say with certainty where in the universe you'd be welcome. |
1.1714 |
0.04162 |
105 |
89 |
14 |
2 |
2609 |
We have several new destinations to choose from |
1.1714 |
0.04162 |
105 |
89 |
14 |
2 |
2610 |
We can make your money work for you with our new state of the art financial forecasting prediction models |
1.1714 |
0.04777 |
105 |
92 |
8 |
5 |
2611 |
Not wearing masks proves we all believe in a higher power! |
1.1714 |
0.04581 |
105 |
91 |
10 |
4 |
2612 |
Oh, gosh, no. My name is MERLIN. The asshat in the white version of this outfit you’re thinking of is ‘Merle’. He’s not even a real wizard and lives in a trailer with his mom. |
1.1714 |
0.04777 |
105 |
92 |
8 |
5 |
2613 |
Thanks for the appointment, Mr Nesmer! |
1.1714 |
0.04376 |
105 |
90 |
12 |
3 |
2614 |
The planets I realize are better at counseling and that's why I've shed my shrink image. |
1.1712 |
0.04022 |
111 |
94 |
15 |
2 |
2615 |
Yes, it is true, Oz is my home planet. |
1.1712 |
0.04410 |
111 |
96 |
11 |
4 |
2616 |
He's looking for a little space. |
1.1712 |
0.04410 |
111 |
96 |
11 |
4 |
2617 |
If you can't be serious I don't know what you expect of me. |
1.1712 |
0.04220 |
111 |
95 |
13 |
3 |
2618 |
Your son's 'magical thinking' has permeated every department. We'd like to increase his scholarship to keep him here in Florida. |
1.1709 |
0.04256 |
117 |
101 |
12 |
4 |
2619 |
So, Congressman Santos, the Space Force Secretary sent us to ask how you determined that Neptune is not a planet either. |
1.1709 |
0.04256 |
117 |
101 |
12 |
4 |
2620 |
But my book presupposes that men actually are from Mars and women literally are from Venus. |
1.1707 |
0.04848 |
82 |
70 |
10 |
2 |
2621 |
Happy to tell you that you’re pre-approved for not one, but two of our fictional kingdoms. |
1.1707 |
0.04848 |
82 |
70 |
10 |
2 |
2622 |
Sir…No!… You still owe her alimony if you move to the moon! |
1.1707 |
0.05149 |
82 |
71 |
8 |
3 |
2623 |
No, I do not know very much about the so called Hollywood stars as they seem to burn out quite frequently! |
1.1707 |
0.04848 |
82 |
70 |
10 |
2 |
2624 |
I’m sorry, but you two are just never going to align. |
1.1707 |
0.04848 |
82 |
70 |
10 |
2 |
2625 |
I can see the future. And well, it's not looking good. |
1.1705 |
0.05167 |
88 |
77 |
7 |
4 |
2626 |
For now, your cosmic spirits are stuck in Acme, South Dakota--but for another five hundred bucks, I can get you crusing on the astral plains of Orion. |
1.1705 |
0.05167 |
88 |
77 |
7 |
4 |
2627 |
Yes, I know you trained for this mission, but your birth charts are not compatible. |
1.1705 |
0.04634 |
88 |
75 |
11 |
2 |
2628 |
Welcome to Starry Night Marriage Counseling |
1.1705 |
0.04908 |
88 |
76 |
9 |
3 |
2629 |
So what it’s sounding like to me is that your daughter manifested your divorce |
1.1705 |
0.04908 |
88 |
76 |
9 |
3 |
2630 |
I'm sorry your investments have crashed, but I never claimed to be a financial wizard... |
1.1705 |
0.04343 |
88 |
74 |
13 |
1 |
2631 |
I can’t make your problems disappear, but I can saw your tax exposure in half. |
1.1705 |
0.04031 |
88 |
73 |
15 |
0 |
2632 |
This world needs you more than you need it. |
1.1705 |
0.05167 |
88 |
77 |
7 |
4 |
2633 |
We strive to provide support to keep our students grounded. |
1.1705 |
0.04343 |
88 |
74 |
13 |
1 |
2634 |
Jupiter’s in retrograde. Sell all your investments |
1.1705 |
0.04343 |
88 |
74 |
13 |
1 |
2635 |
It all started with the second season of Stranger Things. |
1.1702 |
0.04696 |
94 |
81 |
10 |
3 |
2636 |
Welcome to cosplay academy |
1.1702 |
0.04696 |
94 |
81 |
10 |
3 |
2637 |
From what I have been able to see, your son does not have any type of problem that needs to be checked. |
1.1702 |
0.04446 |