Contest #844


Cartoon

844


Name Value
Submission deadline -
Voting started -
Voting ended -
Finalists announced -
Magazine(s) announcing finalists issued -
Number of captions 5168
Number of responses 630216
Number of participants -


Dashboard

In this table, the "mean" means the empirically measured average funniness score when the "unfunny", "somewhat funny" and "funny" receive a funniness score of 1, 2, 3 respectively. "Precison" is the standard error of the mean, the standard deviation of the mean estimate. With that, a caption with an empirical mean μ and precision σ has true mean in the range [μ - 2σ, μ + 2σ] with 95% probability by the 68-95-99.7 rule assuming the responses are indepedent and identically distributed.

Rank Caption Mean Precision Total votes "Unfunny" votes "Somewhat funny" votes "Funny" votes
0 You can leave your label on. 1.7878 0.01166 4547 1991 1530 1026
1 First the good news...you've aged well. 1.7799 0.01638 2340 1048 759 533
2 The good news is, you've aged well . . . . 1.7783 0.01990 1502 650 535 317
3 It's standard procedure at your age 1.7755 0.01943 1577 686 559 332
4 It's a routine procedure, but I would recommend someone drive me home afterwards. 1.7584 0.01956 1668 782 507 379
5 It's like acupuncture, but... with a twist. 1.7517 0.01898 1780 846 530 404
6 Good news. I found a way to stop your aging. 1.7448 0.01244 4193 2032 1199 962
7 I’m afraid you need glasses. 1.7370 0.01504 2913 1443 793 677
8 You must be my 5 o'clock 1.7271 0.01485 2807 1356 861 590
9 Oh, this? Just a little something to help you breathe. 1.7230 0.02115 1267 583 452 232
10 You won't be able to drive after this, and neither will I. 1.6988 0.01303 3543 1760 1090 693
11 Relax, I've performed this procedure thousands of times." 1.6978 0.01825 1701 816 583 302
12 I’m detecting subtle notes of fear and distrust. 1.6917 0.01459 2686 1309 896 481
13 The good news is that you were born in a very good year. 1.6901 0.01910 1536 742 528 266
14 Don't worry! I've done hundreds of these procedures. 1.6834 0.02070 1311 641 444 226
15 Relax. It's just something to help you breathe. 1.6826 0.01814 1657 798 587 272
16 It’s a minor procedure, and afterwards we’ll both feel much better. 1.6741 0.01868 1623 810 532 281
17 Actually, you ARE the anesthesia. 1.6728 0.01938 1519 763 490 266
18 It IS a slightly invasive procedure, but we can do it right here in the office. 1.6720 0.01993 1378 677 476 225
19 I have something that can help you breathe 1.6645 0.01943 1401 684 503 214
20 Keeping things bottled up is dangerous. 1.6614 0.01977 1391 693 476 222
21 You are going to feel just a little prick before we start. 1.6447 0.02056 1272 648 428 196
22 Once I leave the room you can pour it into this cup. 1.6418 0.02031 1421 762 406 253
23 I'm happy to report you're full-bodied with an excellent nose. 1.6416 0.01952 1395 710 475 210
24 I recommend we run some routine tests -- tannins, structure, undertones of blackberry, that sort of thing. 1.6385 0.01980 1397 726 450 221
25 We’ve got to get to the bottom of this. 1.6374 0.02222 1092 564 360 168
26 You'll feel a slight prick, but then you can breathe. 1.6370 0.01860 1540 791 517 232
27 I've called a close female colleague of mine over for a second opinion. 1.6368 0.02095 1319 708 382 229
28 Yes, I do have something that will help you breathe. 1.6364 0.01872 1441 721 523 197
29 I think I see what's stopping you up... 1.6306 0.01958 1413 740 455 218
30 Now open wide and I'll say 'ahh.' 1.6240 0.01916 1585 871 439 275
31 Trust me, you’ll breathe more freely after this. 1.6211 0.01913 1391 717 484 190
32 But I'm a screw-top, Doctor. Did you even examine me? 1.6210 0.02007 1451 803 395 253
33 Here we are…just a little something to help you breathe. 1.6157 0.01853 1465 758 512 195
34 This shouldn't hurt but you may feel a bit empty when we're finished. 1.6152 0.01944 1359 711 460 188
35 We'll both be feeling better in no time. 1.6149 0.01808 1701 926 504 271
36 Relax, it'll help you breathe. 1.6143 0.01923 1356 702 475 179
37 I’ve found a way to relieve some of that pressure. 1.6139 0.02390 904 475 303 126
38 You'll feel much more relaxed once we let you breathe. 1.6113 0.01887 1428 748 487 193
39 Close your eyes and think of France. 1.6103 0.02019 1383 764 394 225
40 Really, it’s a routine procedure. After a twist and a pop, we’ll let you breathe. 1.6081 0.01929 1378 729 460 189
41 I just think that some fresh air would do you good. 1.6078 0.02025 1229 645 421 163
42 It's just a quick jab and twist and you'll find it so much easier to breathe. 1.6056 0.01983 1311 698 432 181
43 Don't look so concerned Mr. Vino. Eventually we all get screwed. 1.6021 0.02169 1234 701 323 210
44 It's just a little check that we have to do when you're over fifty. 1.6007 0.02526 854 471 253 130
45 Hello, you must be my five o' clock. 1.5986 0.02031 1435 828 355 252
46 This may look nasty, but it'll help you breathe. 1.5971 0.02070 1164 619 395 150
47 I have something which will help you breathe 1.5932 0.02165 1057 564 359 134
48 The upside is, you'll be able to breathe. 1.5876 0.02499 793 427 266 100
49 Welcome to Doctors Without Bordeauxes. 1.5866 0.02235 1253 758 255 240
50 The good news is that you've aged well. 1.5797 0.02167 1135 641 330 164
51 I’m confident I can get to the bottom of this. 1.5794 0.02183 1158 665 315 178
52 You'll feel a little pop and then I just need you to breathe! 1.5742 0.02298 1085 640 267 178
53 With all that wine in you, you’re not going to feel a thing 1.5719 0.02467 841 472 257 112
54 I'll have the nurse bring in a little cup. 1.5719 0.02323 1002 577 277 148
55 On second thought, don't lie down. 1.5645 0.02613 969 623 145 201
56 The good news is that you've aged very well. 1.5629 0.02333 954 547 277 130
57 The good news is you've aged very well. 1.5597 0.02395 922 536 256 130
58 Trust me. I'll have it out before dinner time. 1.5531 0.03491 414 238 123 53
59 There is a way to stop the aging process. 1.5491 0.02500 814 473 235 106
60 After the procedure, we’ll both need someone to drive us home. 1.5482 0.02658 768 460 195 113
61 Don’t worry, you’ll only get better with age. 1.5474 0.02702 643 362 210 71
62 It’s a simple same day surgery and you should find that you can breathe much better afterward. 1.5435 0.02775 609 345 197 67
63 Generally it's recommended once you reach a certain age. 1.5364 0.02805 660 395 176 89
64 I have a little something to relieve the pressure. 1.5350 0.02888 742 482 123 137
65 I’ll need to take a sample. 1.5340 0.02818 661 399 171 91
66 This is really a simple procedure, but afterward you'll need a pair of glasses. 1.5323 0.03132 603 385 115 103
67 I have just the thing to stop the aging process. 1.5318 0.02897 645 396 155 94
68 I'd be happy to remove it. 1.5303 0.02680 660 384 202 74
69 Trust me, I have just the thing to help you breathe. 1.5271 0.02920 516 293 174 49
70 Oh, we can stop the aging process right away. 1.5253 0.03024 594 369 138 87
71 Don't worry. I will personally get to the bottom of this. 1.5206 0.02790 582 338 185 59
72 Good news! You’re at 98.6. 1.5204 0.02902 563 333 167 63
73 You may experience mild discomfort. 1.5194 0.02947 516 299 166 51
74 I understand you donated your body to science. 1.5166 0.03286 453 273 126 54
75 The bad news is that your caption will be buried in the crowdsource voting by the Caption Contest Facebook Group, which votes as a block for its member's captions, so that other funnier captions are never seen by most voters. 1.5146 0.03577 515 355 55 105
76 If you were a screw top, it would be an out patient treatment. 1.5119 0.03087 547 341 132 74
77 Don't worry - I do this procedure every evening. 1.5118 0.02969 549 332 153 64
78 I'm going to need a sample. 1.5092 0.02928 542 324 160 58
79 I'm sure we can fix this pressure you feel inside. 1.5091 0.03006 493 290 155 48
80 You ARE the anesthesia. 1.5088 0.03033 511 307 148 56
81 It's going to have to come out eventually... 1.5088 0.03111 513 315 135 63
82 You have aged very well. 1.5073 0.02894 548 327 164 57
83 And it's guaranteed to stop the aging process! 1.5073 0.03040 548 340 138 70
84 My bill isn't the only way you're going to get screwed here. 1.5071 0.03228 491 306 121 64
85 Just lean over.....this won't hurt a bit 1.5061 0.03101 490 296 140 54
86 Would you mind removing your label? 1.5054 0.03161 463 278 136 49
87 It's just to help you breathe. 1.5047 0.03017 529 323 145 61
88 I've got something that will make us both feel better. 1.5020 0.03097 488 296 139 53
89 It's a standard test we do when you reach a certain age. 1.5000 0.03265 468 292 118 58
90 Sir, you are the anesthesia. 1.4990 0.03180 501 315 122 64
91 My wife and I would love to have you for dinner tonight. 1.4989 0.03221 457 280 126 51
92 Trust me, I’ll have you breathing in no time. 1.4980 0.03070 488 296 141 51
93 Don't worry. It's a simple procedure that we recommend for anyone of your vintage. 1.4969 0.03228 491 311 116 64
94 How's this for openers? 1.4966 0.03260 441 270 123 48
95 Trust me ... my staff and I will definitely get to the bottom of this!" 1.4938 0.03264 484 309 111 64
96 Let's get to the bottom of this, shall we? 1.4935 0.03156 464 284 131 49
97 One of us will soon feel much better. 1.4933 0.03243 450 278 122 50
98 After the procedure, I want you to focus on breathing, 1.4933 0.03295 446 278 116 52
99 You may feel drained after the procedure. 1.4932 0.03165 444 268 133 43
100 Don’t think of it as the end; think of it as a grand opening! 1.4914 0.03459 407 255 104 48
101 You won't feel a thing. Then I won't feel a thing. 1.4875 0.03307 441 277 113 51
102 You'll be my final patient of the day. 1.4870 0.03173 423 254 132 37
103 Relax! I’ve done this procedure hundreds of times! 1.4848 0.03249 460 291 115 54
104 It's a standard procedure, usually performed around 5 o'clock. 1.4846 0.03305 421 261 116 44
105 Don't worry, it's just something to help you breathe. 1.4845 0.03216 452 282 121 49
106 Sometimes the old therapies are still the best 1.4844 0.03498 384 240 102 42
107 It's nothing serious. You just need some over decanter medication. 1.4835 0.03880 364 242 68 54
108 I’ll need my other glasses for this. 1.4822 0.03373 421 266 107 48
109 I've done this procedure a thousand times." 1.4812 0.03102 478 298 130 50
110 The good news is you’ll breathe easier! 1.4805 0.03161 435 266 129 40
111 This will allow you to release everything that has been fermenting inside you for years. 1.4804 0.03910 358 239 66 53
112 I'll have you breathing in no time. 1.4799 0.03063 448 271 139 38
113 You might feel a little pop 1.4799 0.03369 398 247 111 40
114 I promise, we'll both feel much better shortly. 1.4783 0.03048 437 262 141 34
115 You'll be breathing better in no time. 1.4775 0.03223 400 242 125 33
116 I have something that will help you breathe better. 1.4749 0.03479 398 255 97 46
117 It's time for your annual corknoscopy. 1.4747 0.03892 316 202 78 36
118 Just the tip 1.4747 0.03944 316 204 74 38
119 Trust me. I've done this thousands of times. 1.4740 0.03687 346 220 88 38
120 Once I remove that blockage we’ll both feel better. 1.4731 0.03338 446 290 101 55
121 Cheer up! You're my only patient who gets better with age. 1.4723 0.03569 379 244 91 44
122 Relax, I'll get to the bottom of this. 1.4723 0.03449 379 238 103 38
123 Don't worry, we just need a small sample for tasting... I mean testing. 1.4718 0.03423 426 278 95 53
124 I'll be feeling better shortly. 1.4711 0.03731 346 223 83 40
125 The good news is your body’s in great shape. The bad news is it’s my anniversary. 1.4698 0.03838 364 245 67 52
126 I recommend a frontal unbottleme. 1.4688 0.04029 320 213 64 43
127 I’m afraid it will have to be removed. 1.4683 0.03394 378 236 107 35
128 You may feel drained afterward. That's normal. 1.4680 0.03632 344 218 91 35
129 Just to help you breathe." 1.4674 0.03362 383 239 109 35
130 It'll be over soon and then you can breathe 1.4668 0.03331 407 258 108 41
131 I've got just the thing to help you breathe 1.4665 0.03570 373 241 90 42
132 Don't worry. I 've done this procedure a thousand times. 1.4655 0.03624 348 222 90 36
133 One of us will feel better after this 1.4652 0.03608 359 231 89 39
134 Believe me, it will help you breathe! 1.4638 0.03446 373 236 101 36
135 This is a normal procedure for a patient your age 1.4628 0.03557 363 233 92 38
136 You were right to be concerned about your age. 1.4618 0.03494 353 222 99 32
137 Either way, you're screwed! 1.4615 0.03771 338 221 78 39
138 Actually, there are benefits to aging. 1.4613 0.03349 388 245 107 36
139 I have something that will help you breathe! 1.4611 0.03487 373 239 96 38
140 When you wake up, I'll be asleep. 1.4604 0.03758 328 212 81 35
141 I'm here to serve you. 1.4601 0.03750 326 210 82 34
142 You'll just hear a little "pop" 1.4590 0.03597 366 239 86 41
143 Do I look like someone who would screw you? 1.4571 0.03784 350 234 72 44
144 I promise this will help you breathe. 1.4567 0.03526 335 210 97 28
145 At your vintage this is a mandatory procedure 1.4548 0.03814 354 240 67 47
146 Just a simple procedure to drain some fluid and we'll all feel better. 1.4540 0.03593 326 206 92 28
147 I've arranged for a second opinion... and cheese. 1.4511 0.03978 317 214 63 40
148 Don't worry, I'm going to get to the bottom of this. 1.4508 0.03735 315 203 82 30
149 You'll just feel a little squeeze and a pinch, then the pressure should start to subside. 1.4490 0.03824 314 206 75 33
150 First, we'll have you pee in a glass.” 1.4489 0.03946 323 219 63 41
151 You'll have to wait 50 more years for your appointment 1.4482 0.03848 299 194 76 29
152 You’re holding up very well for a mediocre vintage. 1.4470 0.03582 302 188 93 21
153 You’ll breathe much better after the procedure. 1.4462 0.03697 316 204 83 29
154 It's a normal procedure for a wine of your age. 1.4448 0.03765 308 200 79 29
155 Not a real Bordeaux? Well, I'm not a real doctor! 1.4435 0.03685 345 230 77 38
156 It’s a simple procedure. First you’ll feel a slight pinch, next a gentle tugging sensation, after which you can relax and breathe freely! 1.4431 0.03802 325 217 72 36
157 You’ll be fine, but I’ll feel fantastic. 1.4419 0.03798 301 196 77 28
158 The good news is that I'll feel better after you have this procedure. 1.4403 0.03961 293 195 67 31
159 Don't worry, I'll get to the bottom of it. 1.4397 0.03915 282 184 72 26
160 I’ve performed this procedure countless times. 1.4393 0.03666 280 175 87 18
161 Sorry, but your sulfites came back high. 1.4392 0.03752 296 191 80 25
162 It's time we remove that obstruction. 1.4388 0.03769 294 190 79 25
163 You’ll feel a little sting, then a sense of being screwed 1.4385 0.04077 301 207 56 38
164 Once it comes out, you'll be able to breathe. 1.4384 0.03880 292 192 72 28
165 You'll feel no pain and shortly after nor will I. 1.4383 0.03900 308 207 67 34
166 I'm afraid it's going to have to come out. 1.4382 0.04241 267 181 55 31
167 Good news, the corkage fee is in-network! 1.4373 0.03944 279 183 70 26
168 Really, you would be amazed by how often I perform this procedure. 1.4369 0.03748 325 217 74 34
169 There's a small corkage fee, but your insurance should cover it" 1.4364 0.04116 275 185 60 30
170 It's a routine procedure for those of your vintage. 1.4356 0.03689 303 196 82 25
171 Relax. I've done this hundreds of times. You'll just feel a little drained. 1.4355 0.03798 310 206 73 31
172 So, Fred, the next part of your annual exam could leave you feeling a bit drained. 1.4354 0.03705 294 189 82 23
173 There is one procedure I always recommend at your age. 1.4345 0.03689 313 205 80 28
174 I have something to relieve the pressure. 1.4342 0.03679 304 197 82 25
175 You might feel a slight pop, but don't worry, I've done this a thousand times. 1.4342 0.03824 281 182 76 23
176 Shortly after the procedure you’ll be the life of the party. 1.4334 0.04044 293 200 59 34
177 I see you've anesthetized yourself. 1.4328 0.04007 305 210 58 37
178 I've got just the thing to relieve that blockage. 1.4310 0.04288 239 159 57 23
179 We're going to need a rather large sample, I'm afraid. 1.4301 0.04178 272 186 55 31
180 I've got something that will help you breathe. 1.4301 0.04046 272 182 63 27
181 Don’t worry. This is routine procedure for a bottle your age. 1.4296 0.03853 291 193 71 27
182 Given your age, there is a procedure that we like to perform. 1.4296 0.03914 291 195 67 29
183 The corkage fee should be covered by your insurer. 1.4292 0.04509 226 153 49 24
184 I'm here to help you breathe. 1.4292 0.04238 233 153 60 20
185 Luckily, I can remove it. 1.4291 0.04133 261 175 60 26
186 I have just the thing to relieve the pressure you've been under. 1.4291 0.03836 296 197 71 28
187 It’s just a pinch. Then a pop. Then a glub glub glub. 1.4286 0.03891 287 191 69 27
188 Let’s get you to open up 1.4280 0.04031 257 169 66 22
189 You're the perfect age for this procedure. 1.4265 0.03904 279 185 69 25
190 "Your procedure is scheduled for 5 o'clock somewhere. 1.4263 0.04213 251 169 57 25
191 You will feel a little prick and then a slight tug. 1.4257 0.04121 249 165 62 22
192 You have options, but you'll be screwed either way. 1.4251 0.04262 247 167 55 25
193 Think of the next procedure as a breathing exercise. 1.4248 0.03932 266 175 69 22
194 It’s nothing. Everyone from Bordeaux gets this procedure at your age. 1.4246 0.04274 252 172 53 27
195 I’d like to check out your tannins. 1.4246 0.03747 285 186 77 22
196 Well, the good news is that you don’t have to bend over. 1.4240 0.04108 250 166 62 22
197 This will only hurt for a second and then you will be able to breathe. 1.4235 0.03928 307 212 60 35
198 After you're opened, I will say ahhh. 1.4234 0.03953 274 183 66 25
199 It’s a recommended procedure at your age. 1.4232 0.03885 267 175 71 21
200 I'll just need a few samples. 1.4226 0.04153 265 181 56 28
201 I’ve got a little something here that will help you breathe. 1.4217 0.04359 230 155 53 22
202 I’m glad to see you’re aging well 1.4205 0.03913 264 174 69 21
203 You'll notice a remarkable improvement in breathing. 1.4190 0.03685 284 185 79 20
204 When people say 'screw it,' they're talking about me. 1.4187 0.04231 246 167 55 24
205 You may feel a bit of pressure...and hear a pop. 1.4186 0.04197 258 177 54 27
206 I think it's time you opened up. 1.4184 0.04519 239 168 42 29
207 Good news. I know what's causing the blockage. 1.4176 0.04093 273 188 56 29
208 You'd be amazed at the things people swallow! 1.4163 0.04390 221 149 52 20
209 Don’t worry, this is a standard procedure for a bottle of your vintage. 1.4156 0.04341 231 157 52 22
210 Proctological examinations are an important part of health care. 1.4147 0.04494 217 148 48 21
211 You’ll feel much better after you breathe. 1.4146 0.03786 287 192 71 24
212 You will be breathing better in just a few minutes. 1.4141 0.03877 256 168 70 18
213 There's no copay - but there is a corkage fee. 1.4139 0.04331 244 169 49 26
214 My advice is go home and rest for the next ten or eleven years. 1.4130 0.04174 230 153 59 18
215 It's a simple procedure and afterwards you will be joining me for dinner. 1.4129 0.04087 264 181 57 26
216 You're going to hear a slight "pop." 1.4128 0.04708 218 154 38 26
217 Now that you are 50, this is important. 1.4128 0.04451 235 164 45 26
218 I’m pleased to report that you’re delightfully full-bodied, bold, complex, and aged to perfection. In fact, let’s celebrate! 1.4127 0.05992 126 87 26 13
219 The good news is that the blockage can be removed. 1.4105 0.04319 229 156 52 21
220 This isn't going to hurt but you'll experience a sudden release of pressure. 1.4104 0.03885 251 165 69 17
221 Not to worry, the corkage fee is covered. 1.4104 0.03844 251 164 71 16
222 You'll feel a slight pinch at first, then neither one of us will feel a thing. 1.4100 0.03974 239 157 66 16
223 Good news! Your insurance will cover the corkage fee. 1.4097 0.04163 227 151 59 17
224 I am afraid that is going to have to come out. 1.4096 0.04029 249 167 62 20
225 Trust me, 90 minutes after the 'breathing' procedure, you'll be perfect! 1.4094 0.04050 254 172 60 22
226 This could hurt a lot, but in a little while, I won’t feel a thing. 1.4094 0.04347 254 180 44 30
227 Don't worry, this procedure is common as you age. 1.4093 0.04069 259 177 58 24
228 You might hear a quick 'pop'. 1.4082 0.03980 267 182 61 24
229 The good news is that you are invited to the office party. 1.4082 0.04073 245 165 60 20
230 Just relax. You need to breathe. 1.4081 0.04116 223 147 61 15
231 Now, you may feel a bit drained afterward… 1.4077 0.04220 233 158 55 20
232 You might feel a slight pop… 1.4069 0.04245 231 157 54 20
233 We're going to need to draw some fluid for tasting - TESTING - I meant testing. 1.4066 0.04324 241 168 48 25
234 Relax, this is nothing compared to what I do to champagne bottles. 1.4062 0.04385 224 154 49 21
235 I'd like to keep you here overnight for, uh, observation. 1.4062 0.04198 224 150 57 17
236 The procedure is pretty simple. We can help you breathe right here in the office. 1.4061 0.04007 261 178 60 23
237 Just a little procedure to help you breathe. 1.4059 0.04100 239 161 59 19
238 Don't worry, I have a simple procedure that will enable you to breathe and express all of the nuances of your personality that have been bottled up for so long. 1.4057 0.04245 244 169 51 24
239 Lab tests say you're at 750 liters, but I think we can get that down a bit. 1.4053 0.04251 227 154 54 19
240 I have a little something that will help you breathe.” 1.4051 0.04167 237 161 56 20
241 Just a little procedure that will make me feel better. 1.4049 0.04284 247 173 48 26
242 I've got good news! There's a straight-forward and low-risk procedure we can perform to address your bottled up feelings. 1.4041 0.04110 245 167 57 21
243 This will be a full-bodied exam. 1.4028 0.04450 216 149 47 20
244 At your age, it’s inevitable. 1.4022 0.04632 184 124 46 14
245 Ok the good news is, we know how to get it out… 1.4010 0.04341 202 135 53 14
246 Why don't we try a quick breathing exercise. 1.4000 0.04167 240 165 54 21
247 Everyone in your family goes through this at your age. 1.4000 0.04293 220 150 52 18
248 Are you ready for your corkonoscopy? 1.4000 0.04687 210 149 38 23
249 Don’t worry. This will help you breathe. 1.4000 0.03964 235 156 64 15
250 Once it's over, you'll be able to breathe. 1.4000 0.04514 205 141 46 18
251 Removing the blockage will be best for everyone, I can assure you. 1.3992 0.04106 238 162 57 19
252 I think we may have a way to get to the bottom of this! 1.3983 0.04237 231 159 52 20
253 Everyone your age needs this procedure eventually! 1.3982 0.04438 226 159 44 23
254 At your age there's one more test I'd like to run. 1.3982 0.04164 226 153 56 17
255 Don't worry, it's a simple procedure that will allow you to breathe. Trust me, I've performed this thousands of times. 1.3982 0.04211 226 154 54 18
256 Let’s clear up that blockage. 1.3974 0.04395 229 161 45 23
257 The good news is that you are aging wonderfully... 1.3973 0.04511 224 159 41 24
258 You don't look a day over '49." 1.3970 0.04770 199 141 37 21
259 Relax. It's just to help you breathe easier. 1.3965 0.04102 227 153 58 16
260 This should help you breathe a little better 1.3964 0.04214 222 151 54 17
261 The sooner we do this, the sooner we get to happy hour 1.3962 0.04352 212 145 50 17
262 It's a total coincidence that we scheduled you for New Year's Eve. 1.3960 0.04459 250 183 35 32
263 It's just a little poke and afterward you'll be able to breathe much better. 1.3955 0.04140 220 148 57 15
264 Post surgery you’ll go to the recycling ward. 1.3955 0.04336 220 152 49 19
265 I warmed it up 1.3949 0.04729 195 137 39 19
266 Let's take a look, shall we? You may feel a slight prick... 1.3946 0.04150 223 151 56 16
267 The bad news: you're all stopped up. The good news: I can treat it. 1.3946 0.04731 185 128 41 16
268 It's a standard procedure for someone your age. 1.3939 0.03908 231 153 65 13
269 This is just a routine procedure for someone your age.. 1.3939 0.04508 198 136 46 16
270 You’ve aged well. 1.3938 0.04159 226 154 55 17
271 This is going to help me more than it will help you. 1.3934 0.04363 211 145 49 17
272 The good news is you’ve aged quite nicely. 1.3932 0.04059 234 159 58 17
273 Good news! I'll have you breathing in no time! 1.3929 0.04278 224 155 50 19
274 Believe me the only one that will have a headache after the procedure is me. 1.3923 0.04443 209 145 46 18
275 I understand you've had trouble breathing? 1.3921 0.04144 227 155 55 17
276 You open up and I’ll say “ahhh”. 1.3920 0.04656 199 140 40 19
277 I've got something that should help you breathe. 1.3911 0.04263 225 156 50 19
278 I’d like to get a second opinion 1.3909 0.04521 197 136 45 16
279 After the procedure you may feel a little lightheaded. I know I will. 1.3908 0.04802 174 120 40 14
280 It's a relaxing procedure that I perform with Brie and bread. 1.3905 0.04426 210 146 46 18
281 Don't worry, it will help you breathe... 1.3904 0.04628 187 129 43 15
282 ''Let's see how well you've aged.'' 1.3900 0.04102 241 167 54 20
283 You need glasses. 1.3900 0.04797 200 144 34 22
284 ...and it will help your breathing. 1.3898 0.04207 236 165 50 21
285 I don't take Medicare but I do barter. 1.3892 0.04692 203 145 37 21
286 Everyone your age gets this procedure 1.3891 0.04502 221 158 40 23
287 Losing your cork should be with someone special 1.3889 0.04287 216 149 50 17
288 Relax, open-cork surgery is now an out-patient procedure. 1.3882 0.03901 255 175 61 19
289 I have something that will help you breathe easier. 1.3877 0.03946 227 152 62 13
290 You've aged quite well. 1.3877 0.03946 227 152 62 13
291 I have a little something to help you breathe! 1.3876 0.04385 209 145 47 17
292 I’m sensing notes of bitterness. 1.3876 0.04225 209 142 53 14
293 It’s not healthy to keep things bottled up, Mr. Sauvignon. 1.3874 0.04675 191 134 40 17
294 Now, we're going to see how well you're aging. 1.3871 0.04169 217 148 54 15
295 My diagnosis is good news and bad news: I'm about to get drunk, and you're about to get screwed. 1.3865 0.04771 207 151 32 24
296 Define ‘invasive.’ 1.3864 0.04326 220 154 47 19
297 It’s a very common procedure once you get older. 1.3857 0.04423 223 159 42 22
298 I'm pleased to announce a solution to aging. 1.3846 0.04010 208 138 60 10
299 Good news! Your insurance covers my corkage fee. 1.3846 0.04512 182 124 46 12
300 You'll just feel a small pinch and some pressure. 1.3842 0.04362 203 140 48 15
301 Just need to do a quick full-bodied exam. 1.3838 0.04321 198 135 50 13
302 It's a totally non-invasive procedure...we won't need to open you up... 1.3838 0.04201 198 133 54 11
303 Don’t worry. I’ve performed this procedure successfully thousands of times. 1.3838 0.04663 198 141 38 19
304 This will help you to breathe. 1.3835 0.04262 206 141 51 14
305 Anyone would feel lousy after thirty years in a cellar. 1.3834 0.04636 193 136 40 17
306 I know you haven't been looking forward to this, but now that you are over 50... 1.3831 0.04612 201 143 39 19
307 Oh it's just a little prick. 1.3831 0.04447 201 140 45 16
308 Once it's out, you'll stop aging altogether! 1.3828 0.04432 209 147 44 18
309 No, no, no. A colonoscopy is for people, this is totally different. 1.3825 0.04602 217 158 35 24
310 It’s just a little prick … 1.3821 0.04335 212 148 47 17
311 Ahh, my 5 o'clock appointment. 1.3820 0.05040 178 129 30 19
312 You might feel a little pressure. 1.3818 0.04368 220 156 44 20
313 I do like a wine that really speaks to me" 1.3814 0.04240 215 149 50 16
314 My, you've aged nicely! 1.3805 0.04437 205 144 44 17
315 This is what happens when you refused a screw top 1.3805 0.04647 205 148 36 21
316 You’ll just feel a little pinch and I’ll feel much better. I mean you’ll feel much better. 1.3803 0.04419 213 151 43 19
317 I have just the thing to help take the pressure off. 1.3801 0.03956 221 149 60 12
318 Am I going to find any alcohol in your system? 1.3800 0.04402 200 139 46 15
319 After the procedure you'll be able to breathe. 1.3798 0.04390 208 146 45 17
320 Ah. Since 1975 you say. 1.3797 0.04182 237 168 48 21
321 You're about to get screwed! 1.3796 0.04585 245 186 25 34
322 Let's take a look inside and see if you're aging well. 1.3795 0.04420 195 135 46 14
323 You're big, I have a big one too. 1.3791 0.04975 211 161 20 30
324 If everything is fine, you can return to the cellar for ten more years. 1.3791 0.04187 211 145 52 14
325 What if I said you don't need to age anymore? 1.3787 0.05028 169 121 32 16
326 The truth is, you won't get better with age 1.3785 0.04250 214 149 49 16
327 Just a little shot. Won’t hurt a bit. 1.3783 0.04043 230 159 55 16
328 It will all be over with in one happy hour. 1.3781 0.04496 201 142 42 17
329 And in an hour I won't feel a thing either. 1.3780 0.04579 209 151 37 21
330 And after you've had a chance to breathe, we'd love to have you at our office party. 1.3778 0.04605 180 125 42 13
331 Relax. I’ve done this procedure thousands of times. 1.3770 0.04808 183 131 35 17
332 I understand you felt a little bottled up lately 1.3770 0.04870 183 132 33 18
333 It's okay to be nervous, but this procedure becomes critical at a certain age. 1.3767 0.04130 215 148 53 14
334 We’ll have you breathing better in no time. 1.3766 0.03886 231 157 61 13
335 For this procedure we'll need some cheese. 1.3765 0.04862 170 120 36 14
336 Given your age, I recommend we run some additional tastes-- I mean, tests. 1.3763 0.04779 194 141 33 20
337 I’m just going to check your nose. 1.3757 0.04449 189 131 45 13
338 Relax. This is going to help you breathe. 1.3756 0.04558 197 140 40 17
339 The good news is this will help you to breathe. 1.3756 0.04430 205 145 43 17
340 I have something to help you breathe. 1.3750 0.04603 176 122 42 12
341 Trust me, you’ll feel better once you breathe. 1.3750 0.04508 200 142 41 17
342 This next procedure is to help you breathe. 1.3750 0.04222 208 144 50 14
343 You'll be able to breathe easier now. 1.3744 0.04292 203 141 48 14
344 I have just the thing that will open you up and help you breathe. 1.3744 0.04459 203 144 42 17
345 Are you aware of any screw caps in your family history? 1.3744 0.04703 195 141 35 19
346 Stopped up, you say? Don't worry. I'll have you breathing in no time. 1.3743 0.04415 187 129 46 12
347 Don't worry, this is a routine procedure for bottles of your vintage. 1.3743 0.04543 187 131 42 14
348 Unfortunately, Medicare only covers screw-tops. 1.3736 0.04694 182 129 38 15
349 Don't worry, this is totally normal for bottles your age. 1.3729 0.04651 177 124 40 13
350 I'll need a sample. 1.3728 0.04804 169 119 37 13
351 After it's over, I'm going to feel so much better. 1.3728 0.04804 169 119 37 13
352 The good news is, we caught it before it turned 1.3720 0.04670 164 113 41 10
353 This is going to hurt a little, but it will really help you to breathe. 1.3717 0.04595 191 136 39 16
354 Guess who I paired you with? 1.3713 0.04359 202 142 45 15
355 This won’t hurt. You’ll just hear a little pop. 1.3709 0.04305 213 151 45 17
356 Take my word, once it's out you're going to breathe a lot easier. 1.3700 0.04772 200 148 30 22
357 I heard you've been having some trouble breathing. 1.3699 0.04273 173 116 50 7
358 This procedure will help you breathe a little. 1.3699 0.04861 173 124 34 15
359 The good news is, the corkage fee is covered by your insurance. 1.3698 0.04750 192 140 33 19
360 Relax. This is standard procedure at your age. 1.3697 0.04486 211 153 38 20
361 My wife and I thought you might join us for dinner tonight. 1.3696 0.04715 184 132 36 16
362 I hear you're having trouble breathing. 1.3684 0.04294 190 131 48 11
363 Really, every bottle over 50 years old should have this procedure done. 1.3684 0.04607 190 136 38 16
364 The nurse tells me you're having trouble breathing. 1.3684 0.04294 190 131 48 11
365 It’s recommended once you reach a certain age 1.3684 0.04422 190 133 44 13
366 Let's get to the bottom of this. 1.3682 0.04254 201 140 48 13
367 We’ll have that sediment out in no time. 1.3681 0.04686 182 130 37 15
368 Let's take a look at those legs, shall we? 1.3676 0.04694 185 133 36 16
369 This procedure will definitely allow you to breathe better. 1.3673 0.05468 147 108 24 15
370 It's just a simple procedure to remove that blockage 1.3670 0.04640 188 135 37 16
371 I won’t feel a thing. 1.3670 0.04937 188 140 27 21
372 It’s a little radical, but it will stop the aging process. 1.3669 0.05010 169 123 30 16
373 My procedure will let you breathe. 1.3665 0.04705 191 139 34 18
374 It's a reliable technique that will help you breathe. 1.3661 0.04467 183 128 43 12
375 Once you reach a certain age, this check up is recommended 1.3657 0.04677 175 124 38 13
376 You’re going to feel just a little bit of pressure 1.3656 0.04735 186 135 34 17
377 Afterwards, we can drink to your health. 1.3654 0.04423 208 150 40 18
378 You might hear a "pop". 1.3653 0.04832 167 119 35 13
379 I think we can get to the bottom of this if you just open up a bit. 1.3653 0.04361 167 113 47 7
380 You’re screwed either way. 1.3652 0.04822 178 129 33 16
381 Trust me, you'll breathe much better after this. 1.3650 0.04204 200 139 49 12
382 The surgery's risky but makes a fun sound. 1.3646 0.04507 192 137 40 15
383 You'll be better after you breathe for a few hours. 1.3646 0.04626 192 139 36 17
384 I have a procedure that will help you breathe 1.3642 0.04777 162 114 37 11
385 Good news: you're at the prime of your life. 1.3641 0.04770 184 134 33 17
386 Once I pull the cork out, you will be able to breathe. 1.3636 0.04463 187 132 42 13
387 Our first step is to remove that cork so you can breathe. 1.3636 0.04716 165 116 38 11
388 This procedure is called a 'taste test.' 1.3636 0.04590 187 134 38 15
389 Screw YOU, doctor! 1.3631 0.04808 168 120 35 13
390 Side effects? ...Well, some patients report an empty feeling. 1.3626 0.04819 171 123 34 14
391 This will be an outpatient-into-doctor procedure. 1.3626 0.05296 171 130 20 21
392 Come on, baby, let's do the twist. 1.3626 0.04890 171 124 32 15
393 This should help you breathe better. 1.3625 0.04732 160 112 38 10
394 Yes, you really have aged quite well. 1.3622 0.04428 185 130 43 12
395 This procedure should leave you drained and me drunk. 1.3620 0.04753 163 115 37 11
396 Relax, I'm just here to serve you. 1.3620 0.04672 163 114 39 10
397 I'm going to change you from a full bottle in front of me to a full frontal lobotomy. 1.3620 0.05209 163 121 25 17
398 Unfortunately, it seems you’re at that age… 1.3618 0.04390 199 142 42 15
399 I'm interested in your case. 1.3616 0.04563 177 125 40 12
400 No worries, we're just going to draw a little sample 1.3611 0.04987 144 101 34 9
401 I’m very interested in your case. 1.3611 0.04510 180 127 41 12
402 Now don’t you worry...it’s just a little something to help you breathe 1.3608 0.04644 194 142 34 18
403 This will take care of that stopped-up feeling. 1.3607 0.04390 183 128 44 11
404 I'm going to draw some fluid and have it tested for structure and bouquet over dinner. 1.3602 0.04790 161 114 36 11
405 The party at table 6 will cover your copay. 1.3602 0.04454 161 110 44 7
406 Look at it this way - you won't be sitting in that cold, dark cellar any more. 1.3602 0.04538 186 133 39 14
407 Don’t be so dramatic. We both knew this day would come. 1.3602 0.04408 186 131 43 12
408 There's no sugercoating this. You're going to be screwed. 1.3596 0.04747 178 129 34 15
409 It will help you breath. 1.3593 0.04669 167 118 38 11
410 Just bend over-this won't hurt a bit/ 1.3593 0.04512 167 116 42 9
411 Yes the procedure is painful and irreversible, but after about 30 minutes you’ll notice pleasant notes of cinnamon, leather and tobacco 1.3591 0.05006 181 136 25 20
412 Good news - the corkage fee is covered by your insurance. 1.3590 0.04721 156 109 38 9
413 Let's get to the bottom of the problem. 1.3588 0.04536 170 119 41 10
414 Believe me, sir, you prefer this corkscrew to my index. 1.3586 0.05055 145 103 32 10
415 We'll go nice and slow. Not like when Champagne comes in. 1.3586 0.05508 145 108 22 15
416 Luckily, bordeaux is the universal donor. 1.3585 0.04910 159 114 33 12
417 ...and best of all, when you hear a 'pop', you'll stop aging.' 1.3584 0.04630 173 123 38 12
418 After I remove the obstruction just try to breathe. 1.3580 0.05152 162 120 26 16
419 Stopped up, are you? 1.3580 0.04645 176 126 37 13
420 'No not true, more like a slight prick.' 1.3576 0.04626 165 116 39 10
421 After this simple procedure you will breathe a lot easier. 1.3576 0.04935 165 120 31 14
422 Of cork...I mean, of course, it's a safe procedure. 1.3575 0.04590 179 128 38 13
423 Now, we'll just have you open and I'll say 'ahhhh'." 1.3568 0.04677 185 135 34 16
424 We'll need to run a few simple tests. 1.3567 0.04437 171 119 43 9
425 As soon as I extract the blockage, you'll breathe normally 1.3567 0.04951 157 113 32 12
426 We're going to have to run some tastes. 1.3564 0.04434 188 134 41 13
427 Let's see if you've aged well. 1.3563 0.04461 174 122 42 10
428 This is a standard procedures for wines over 40. 1.3563 0.04679 174 125 36 13
429 It's a minor procedure. We hope to have you out by dinner time. 1.3559 0.04482 177 125 41 11
430 You may feel a tiny poke...followed by aggressive twisting and a hard yank. 1.3557 0.04459 194 140 39 15
431 The bad news is, it's spread to your cork. The good news is, I'm having a dinner party tonight. 1.3556 0.04702 180 131 34 15
432 Remember - you can’t recant what you decant. 1.3556 0.04430 180 127 42 11
433 Don't worry! Decanting is all part of the aging process. 1.3553 0.04527 197 144 36 17
434 You will hear a loud pop, but then I can assure you that you will breathe better. 1.3553 0.05395 152 114 22 16
435 Corked? I've got just the thing." 1.3550 0.04624 169 120 38 11
436 We can’t give you a diagnosis until we open you up. 1.3550 0.04919 169 124 30 15
437 This will help you breathe better. 1.3550 0.04247 200 142 45 13
438 Hey. Would I screw you? 1.3548 0.04907 155 111 33 11
439 Well, there are certain procedures we recommend for patients of your vintage… 1.3548 0.04821 155 110 35 10
440 It's simple and quick operation. We'll schedule it for dinner tomorrow evening. 1.3543 0.04727 175 127 34 14
441 Well, test results are in. No matter what, you're pretty much screwed. 1.3543 0.04997 175 131 26 18
442 There is one procedure that will help you to breathe 1.3540 0.05016 161 118 29 14
443 Don’t worry. This is a very routine procedure at your age. 1.3539 0.04242 178 123 47 8
444 Yes, you are going to get screwed, but Medicare will pay for it. 1.3538 0.04320 195 139 43 13
445 I can help you with your difficulty breathing 1.3536 0.04479 181 129 40 12
446 You'll hear a pop, but it's just to get a sample 1.3536 0.04340 181 127 44 10
447 To start, I just want you to breathe for a few minutes. 1.3533 0.04223 184 128 47 9
448 'We're going to let you breathe' 1.3529 0.04587 153 106 40 7
449 It won't hurt a bit, and will allow you to breathe. 1.3529 0.04861 153 109 34 10
450 I have good news and bad news. The good news is that you’re the perfect age. The bad news is that you’re the perfect age. 1.3529 0.04965 170 126 28 16
451 I’m a screw top”, heard it before 1.3529 0.04894 170 125 30 15
452 Don't worry, it's a natural part of the aging process. 1.3526 0.04965 156 113 31 12
453 I see you brought your own anesthesia 1.3525 0.05486 139 103 23 13
454 There's only one way to find out. 1.3523 0.04635 176 127 36 13
455 At your age, I recommend relieving your stress the old fashion way. 1.3520 0.04369 179 126 43 10
456 We generally recommend putting off this procedure for a few more years. 1.3519 0.04834 162 117 33 12
457 No worries. Just lean forward please. 1.3517 0.04646 145 100 39 6
458 It’s unhealthy to keep things bottled up for too long. 1.3516 0.04459 182 130 40 12
459 Well – it's 5 o'clock somewhere! 1.3515 0.04999 165 122 28 15
460 I can assure you it helped my last patient breathe exquisitely 1.3514 0.04540 185 134 37 14
461 Considering your vintage, it's time for a colonoscopy. 1.3512 0.05076 168 126 25 17
462 Open up and breathe. 1.3503 0.04596 157 110 39 8
463 I’m happy to report that you have aged to perfection. 1.3503 0.04506 157 109 41 7
464 Like I tell my IUD patients- you'll only feel a tiny pinch! 1.3503 0.04770 157 112 35 10
465 So you're the guy my patients keep lying to me about. 1.3503 0.04471 177 126 40 11
466 Every bottle of your vintage should have it done. 1.3500 0.04624 160 113 38 9
467 Unfortunately the corkage fee is not covered under Medicare. 1.3492 0.04593 189 139 34 16
468 You'll feel a little discomfort at first, but shortly thereafter you'll be able to breathe much easier. 1.3484 0.04980 155 113 30 12
469 Now let's get that cork out and have a look. 1.3484 0.04539 155 108 40 7
470 Let's drink to your health. 1.3481 0.05077 135 96 31 8
471 I'd say there's a very good chance you'll be breathing better after this. 1.3478 0.04141 184 128 48 8
472 It’s just a minor procedure to help you breathe. 1.3478 0.04429 161 112 42 7
473 The good news is, this is a one-time procedure. 1.3476 0.04862 164 120 31 13
474 Don't worry. This isn't my first extraction. 1.3475 0.05031 141 101 31 9
475 I’m delighted to say that you have aged perfectly. 1.3473 0.04724 167 121 34 12
476 Good news. No rubber glove today,....however.... 1.3472 0.05336 144 107 24 13
477 There's only one way to tell if you've gotten better with age. 1.3469 0.05076 147 107 29 11
478 Yes, we need to get to the bottom of this. 1.3468 0.04066 173 118 50 5
479 No worries! It's just a little procedure to help you breathe. 1.3467 0.04822 150 107 34 9
480 Just breath, at your age it’s important to have that removed 1.3466 0.04694 176 129 33 14
481 I just need a little sample. 1.3464 0.04573 153 107 39 7
482 Why do you think I want to screw you? 1.3462 0.05354 156 119 20 17
483 Luckily for you, your copay covers the corkage fee. 1.3459 0.05202 159 120 23 16
484 I can take care of that breathing problem in no time. 1.3457 0.04542 188 138 35 15
485 Bend over and cough. 1.3457 0.05055 162 121 26 15
486 Don’t worry, it’s quite common for someone of your vintage. 1.3455 0.04521 165 117 39 9
487 It's just a little pinch, and then you'll be able to breathe 1.3452 0.04393 197 144 38 15
488 The pain is bearable, although you will let out a little whine " 1.3448 0.05305 145 108 24 13
489 After the distilling procedure, you’ll be in good spirits. 1.3448 0.04586 174 126 36 12
490 Are you ok? You’re looking a little white. 1.3448 0.04439 174 124 40 10
491 You'll feel a little pressure and may hear a popping sound... 1.3448 0.04935 174 131 26 17
492 Hi there, I’m Dr. Sommelier. 1.3442 0.04994 154 113 29 12
493 You just can't keep it all bottled up inside you anymore... 1.3439 0.04757 157 113 34 10
494 It's normal to be nervous, just breathe. 1.3439 0.04492 157 110 40 7
495 Do I detect a note of squeamishness? 1.3439 0.04582 157 111 38 8
496 It's almost laparoscopic! 1.3438 0.04525 160 113 39 8
497 No charge! This test pays for itself. 1.3436 0.04112 195 138 47 10
498 Don't worry, we'll bill the corkage fee to your HMO. 1.3436 0.04636 163 117 36 10
499 This is my reward for living to a ripe old age?! 1.3434 0.04498 166 118 39 9
500 And you thought your insurance company was screwing you... 1.3433 0.05412 134 99 24 11
501 Don't worry. This treatment will help you breathe. 1.3432 0.04200 169 117 46 6
502 We just need a sample. 1.3431 0.04797 137 96 35 6
503 Well, I've got good news! Your corkage fee IS covered by insurance. 1.3429 0.05046 140 101 30 9
504 I admit it's a bit invasive, but I think we'll both feel better afterwards. 1.3427 0.04649 178 131 33 14
505 Remember "No wine before its time?" Well, it's time. 1.3423 0.04740 149 106 35 8
506 You’re going on 75. This procedure was bound to happen. 1.3423 0.04928 149 108 31 10
507 No worries, Medicare covers the corkage fees! 1.3423 0.04740 149 106 35 8
508 Yes, when you reach your age this is procedure is a requirement. 1.3420 0.04452 193 142 36 15
509 It's just something to help you breathe. 1.3419 0.04966 155 114 29 12
510 We're going to need to run some further tests, and some cheese. 1.3418 0.04981 158 117 28 13
511 Relax—I did this a hundred times in med school. 1.3413 0.04936 167 125 27 15
512 This should relieve the pressure." 1.3413 0.04635 167 121 35 11
513 Your advanced age is not an obstacle, your sedimentation rate is stable, and so, I'm pleased to inform you that you qualify as a donor. 1.3413 0.04788 167 123 31 13
514 Just a little poke. 1.3410 0.04523 173 125 37 11
515 Please bend over and spread your cork. 1.3410 0.05083 173 133 21 19
516 No, no, it's just a little something to help you breathe 1.3410 0.04448 173 124 39 10
517 We'll both feel better once I drain a little fluid. 1.3410 0.04741 173 128 31 14
518 Yes, reduction is free of charge. 1.3406 0.04878 138 98 33 7
519 Sure I failed med school but I did pass the bar exam 1.3404 0.05310 141 105 24 12
520 It will help you breathe, trust me. 1.3399 0.04833 153 111 32 10
521 Your temperature is just right. 1.3399 0.04652 153 109 36 8
522 Yes, I'm a proctologist but aspire to be a sommelier. 1.3399 0.05093 153 114 26 13
523 I’d like to drink to your health! 1.3399 0.04743 153 110 34 9
524 Don't worry it's a routine procedure for anyone over 45. 1.3397 0.04855 156 114 31 11
525 You’ll feel a little pinch, but not to worry – I will feel better soon. 1.3397 0.05022 156 116 27 13
526 Yes, of course you will be sedated. 1.3396 0.04356 159 111 42 6
527 Feeling robust, are we? 1.3396 0.04707 159 115 34 10
528 You'll feel momentary discomfort, but this should relieve the pressure! 1.3395 0.04647 162 117 35 10
529 Let's just see if you've improved with age. 1.3394 0.04425 165 117 40 8
530 Did I forgot to mention I'm both a proctologist AND a sommelier? 1.3393 0.04911 168 126 27 15
531 I think you need to get some air 1.3392 0.04323 171 121 42 8
532 Not to worry, your plan does pay for corkage. 1.3391 0.04501 174 126 37 11
533 Great news! You're invited to our office party 1.3387 0.05713 124 93 20 11
534 I have just the right thing to help you breathe. 1.3386 0.04052 189 133 48 8
535 Don’t worry, it’s just a minor procedure to help you breathe. 1.3382 0.05544 136 103 20 13
536 Bad news, I'm afraid. It'll have to come out. 1.3382 0.05029 136 98 30 8
537 I suspect a blockage. 1.3380 0.04986 142 103 30 9
538 The good news is your scans are all clear. The bad news is let's celebrate. 1.3379 0.04817 145 104 33 8
539 There's only one cure for keeping things bottled up inside 1.3378 0.05123 148 110 26 12
540 Next we'll check to see how you're aging. 1.3378 0.04751 148 106 34 8
541 We call this procedure the annual 'twist and shout' 1.3376 0.04568 157 112 37 8
542 I'm afraid it will have to come out. 1.3374 0.04623 163 118 35 10
543 All the symptoms you describe are just a part of the ageing process. 1.3374 0.04704 163 119 33 11
544 Decant feel a thing. I promise. 1.3364 0.05957 110 82 19 9
545 Actually I'm the sommelier. The doctor will bein as soon as he finishes curing a cheese. 1.3358 0.05184 134 98 27 9
546 You’ll breathe easier. 1.3357 0.05130 140 103 27 10
547 We’ll have you opened up in no time! 1.3357 0.04754 143 102 34 7
548 It’s just to help you breathe a little. 1.3356 0.04887 146 106 31 9
549 I’ll have you breathing in no time at all. 1.3356 0.04789 146 105 33 8
550 I’ve operated on several patients your age. 1.3356 0.04913 149 109 30 10
551 Good news: I think I can help you breathe! 1.3355 0.04953 155 115 28 12
552 I think you’re screwed! 1.3355 0.04868 155 114 30 11
553 After the procedure, your flow will be greatly improved. 1.3354 0.04544 158 113 37 8
554 I'm here to help you open up. 1.3354 0.04544 158 113 37 8
555 You'll feel a slight pinch... 1.3354 0.04574 161 116 36 9
556 After the procedure I want you to breathe. 1.3354 0.04488 161 115 38 8
557 The procedure is minimally invasive and will help you breathe." 1.3354 0.04759 164 121 31 12
558 A corkonoscopy is quite normal for a wine of your age. 1.3353 0.04850 167 125 28 14
559 You really are in perfect condition for your age. 1.3353 0.04716 170 126 31 13
560 This is going to hurt you a lot more than me. 1.3333 0.04543 153 109 37 7
561 I've been saving this appointment for a special occasion. 1.3333 0.05361 135 101 23 11
562 You'll just feel a little poke... 1.3333 0.04341 159 112 41 6
563 You look like you've aged well. Let's do some tests to be sure. 1.3333 0.04999 141 103 29 9
564 Just a little stick here and all that pressure will be gone. 1.3333 0.04412 165 118 39 8
565 You are just what the doctor ordered. 1.3333 0.05593 120 89 22 9
566 Don't fret, it's a routine operation for a bottle of your age. 1.3333 0.05316 129 95 25 9
567 You're on the donor list, correct? 1.3333 0.04676 168 124 32 12
568 I have something here to help you breathe 1.3333 0.04755 156 114 32 10
569 Just relax, I am a board certified sommelier. 1.3333 0.04520 159 114 37 8
570 So…about that uncorking fee. 1.3333 0.04667 156 113 34 9
571 In my professional judgement all you require is a little aeration. 1.3333 0.04349 141 97 41 3
572 you want to put that where? 1.3333 0.04837 171 129 27 15
573 I have just the thing for both our issues. 1.3315 0.04195 178 127 43 8
574 No, no, no. I’m just admiring your label. 1.3314 0.04521 172 126 35 11
575 Don't worry, I won't screw this up. 1.3314 0.04419 169 122 38 9
576 We want to see how you've aged. 1.3313 0.04306 166 118 41 7
577 This? This is just to help you breathe. 1.3313 0.04850 163 122 28 13
578 Good news! You have been invited to a party! 1.3313 0.04927 163 123 26 14
579 Stopped up? I've got just the solution 1.3313 0.04668 160 117 33 10
580 This procedure is called a frontal lobottleamony. 1.3312 0.05063 157 119 24 14
581 I can help you unwine. 1.3311 0.04537 148 105 37 6
582 This is just something to help you breathe 1.3310 0.04658 142 101 35 6
583 It’s a little bit like a colonoscopy. 1.3309 0.05224 136 101 25 10
584 I don’t know what you’ve heard on the grapevine, but this is when everyone starts to have a great time 1.3309 0.05528 136 104 19 13
585 It’s like a colonoscopy - only from the other end 1.3309 0.05224 136 101 25 10
586 The good news is your health plan covers corkage fees. 1.3307 0.05007 127 91 30 6
587 You may feel a small pinch. 1.3293 0.04609 167 123 33 11
588 No need to whine, I’ll have you breathing easy in no time 1.3293 0.04667 164 121 32 11
589 Good news! I've got something that's going to help you breathe. 1.3292 0.04474 161 116 37 8
590 Just lie down and think of France. 1.3292 0.04644 161 118 33 10
591 Don't worry, it's a common procedure. 1.3291 0.04617 158 115 34 9
592 Once I remove that obstruction, you'll be able to breathe. 1.3289 0.04552 152 109 36 7
593 It’s a diagnostic probing. You’ll only feel a pinch. 1.3289 0.04646 152 110 34 8
594 I just want to examine your nose. 1.3289 0.04552 152 109 36 7
595 You may feel a little pinch. 1.3286 0.04803 140 101 32 7
596 I’ve gone through your notes - supple, full-bodied, and an excellent vintage. 1.3285 0.05294 137 103 23 11
597 I'm going to remove the cork so you can breath properly. 1.3282 0.05018 131 95 29 7
598 Looks like you’re going to have a frontal lobotomy, and I’m going to have a bottle in front of me. 1.3282 0.05677 131 101 17 13
599 Now this is not going to hurt one bit. 1.3281 0.05446 128 96 22 10
600 This will relieve the pressure for the both of us. 1.3277 0.05352 119 87 25 7
601 Why, yes, I DO have a procedure that will relieve the pain in your head! 1.3276 0.04550 174 129 33 12
602 Bend over and cough, please 1.3272 0.04275 162 115 41 6
603 Now, now, you don't want to turn into vinegar do you? 1.3272 0.04536 162 118 35 9
604 Well, you've reached that age. 1.3270 0.04679 159 117 32 10
605 Please don't screw up. 1.3269 0.04826 156 116 29 11
606 Unlike the others,this shot hurts when I pull it out. 1.3269 0.04826 156 116 29 11
607 I promise: no needles! 1.3267 0.04682 150 109 33 8
608 We'll all feel better when the procedure is over. 1.3264 0.04911 144 106 29 9
609 Now now Mr. Merlot, let’s un-bottle that anxiety. 1.3264 0.04709 144 104 33 7
610 Oh, I’m sorry, I thought you knew that “sommelier” is the French word for “proctologist”! 1.3262 0.05181 141 106 24 11
611 Don’t worry, this will only hurt a little. 1.3262 0.04982 141 104 28 9
612 Your test results came back. Let's savor the time you have. 1.3262 0.04879 141 103 30 8
613 I think what you really need to do is just breathe. 1.3261 0.05056 138 102 27 9
614 I've got just the cure for your pent-up stress . . . 1.3261 0.05056 138 102 27 9
615 Not to worry, you may hear a slight popping sound. 1.3256 0.05297 129 96 24 9
616 I only need a small sample for tasting - um, testing. 1.3256 0.05297 129 96 24 9
617 If you thought colonoscopies were bad… 1.3256 0.05181 129 95 26 8
618 Oui Monsieur Bordeaux... 25 years of age is a perfect time for this procedure 1.3254 0.05501 126 95 21 10
619 You have a pocket of fluid that needs to be drained. 1.3252 0.05476 123 92 22 9
620 Trust me, you'll be able to breathe a lot easier once I'm finished." 1.3248 0.04714 157 116 31 10
621 You'll be able to breathe easier after the procedure. 1.3248 0.04627 157 115 33 9
622 we need to have a more open relationship 1.3248 0.05672 117 88 20 9
623 Nothing to worry about. I perform corkectomies every single day. 1.3247 0.05036 154 117 24 13
624 Don’t worry, this procedure will have you breathing better in no time 1.3245 0.04656 151 110 33 8
625 I’ve come to help you breathe. 1.3245 0.04260 151 106 41 4
626 I need to send a sample down to the lab. They’re having a birthday party. 1.3237 0.04920 139 102 29 8
627 I hear you struggle with opening up 1.3237 0.05228 139 105 23 11
628 Wine letting. We've done it for centuries. 1.3237 0.04560 173 129 32 12
629 The good news is that you were born in a great year. 1.3235 0.04769 136 98 32 6
630 It's a new technique created by the French 1.3235 0.05310 136 103 22 11
631 Don't worry. This is a standard procedure in cases like yours. 1.3235 0.04882 136 99 30 7
632 The good news is that you don't need a colonoscopy! 1.3232 0.04489 164 120 35 9
633 Don’t worry. When I’m finished, you’ll be able to breathe. 1.3231 0.05697 130 101 16 13
634 You're just going to feel a little pinch. 1.3226 0.04478 155 112 36 7
635 Well, we just need to get to the bottom of it 1.3226 0.05316 124 92 24 8
636 First of all, you aren't being screwed. 1.3224 0.04630 152 111 33 8
637 This may sting a little. 1.3221 0.04881 149 111 28 10
638 It's a simple procedure for someone of your age. 1.3219 0.05137 146 111 23 12
639 Lobottlemy" is such a clinical designation. We prefer "decanture. 1.3214 0.04994 140 104 27 9
640 I promise you’ll feel a lot lighter after the procedure. 1.3212 0.04629 165 123 31 11
641 I'm afraid we're going to have to open you up. 1.3212 0.04962 137 101 28 8
642 It'll be out before you know it . 1.3212 0.05173 137 103 24 10
643 Sir, I would never screw you! 1.3212 0.05377 137 105 20 12
644 You'll feel a little pinch 1.3209 0.05360 134 102 21 11
645 I'm just going to help you breathe. 1.3208 0.04578 159 117 33 9
646 Good news! I have a cure for your breathing problem. 1.3208 0.04578 159 117 33 9
647 You’ll breathe so much better when it’s out. 1.3206 0.05227 131 98 24 9
648 Haha. 'I'm screwed.' That's a good one! 1.3205 0.04725 156 116 30 10
649 On the count of three, I need you to breathe. 1.3205 0.04546 156 114 34 8
650 I just need you to breathe. 1.3203 0.04697 128 91 33 4
651 You'll be able to breathe. 1.3200 0.04469 150 108 36 6
652 Don't worry. You'll only feel a little pinch. 1.3200 0.04665 150 110 32 8
653 I know you're feeling stopped up, and I have just the thing. 1.3197 0.04825 147 109 29 9
654 It's for your own good. Actually, for my own good. 1.3188 0.04823 138 101 30 7
655 We'll just need to send a sample off to the lab for tasting. 1.3186 0.05373 113 83 24 6
656 Just your standard lobottlemy 1.3186 0.05223 113 82 26 5
657 Lobotomies: some call them archaic, I call them ‘vintage.’ 1.3185 0.04893 135 99 29 7
658 If it's any consolation, you will be recycled. 1.3185 0.04893 135 99 29 7
659 Good news! You're aging nicely. 1.3182 0.04603 132 94 34 4
660 Better to have it out now while you're still fine. 1.3182 0.04848 132 96 30 6
661 Good guess but no, that's not where this one goes. 1.3179 0.04444 151 109 36 6
662 I assure you,it will help you breathe. 1.3179 0.04733 151 112 30 9
663 Unfortunately we can’t give you anesthesia as you are the influence of alcohol 1.3178 0.05501 129 99 19 11
664 Let me know if you feel any pain when I press down, okay? 1.3174 0.04502 167 124 33 10
665 We can do this now, but I 'd rather you come back in five years. 1.3173 0.05997 104 79 17 8
666 Think of it as giving yourself a chance to breathe. 1.3172 0.04962 145 109 26 10
667 After this procedure you will be able to breathe. 1.3172 0.04663 145 106 32 7
668 Allow me to help you breathe better! 1.3171 0.05074 123 90 27 6
669 You can't breathe? Let me help. 1.3171 0.05074 123 90 27 6
670 Just a twist and a pop, and you will be all better! 1.3171 0.05575 123 94 19 10
671 The anesthetic comes right after the procedure. 1.3169 0.04620 142 103 33 6
672 Of course, we won't really know how well you've aged until we open you up. 1.3169 0.04934 142 106 27 9
673 It only hurts for a second, and then I feel great. 1.3169 0.04832 142 105 29 8
674 I just need to drain some fluids. 1.3167 0.05156 120 88 26 6
675 I'm going to need you to breathe for me." 1.3165 0.04571 139 100 34 5
676 Good news! I'm having some guests for dinner, and you're invited. 1.3165 0.05109 139 105 24 10
677 Everything is going to be fine. You just need to breathe. 1.3165 0.05210 139 106 22 11
678 This is just what happens when you bottle things up. 1.3165 0.04571 139 100 34 5
679 We just need to draw a sample to run some tests. 1.3162 0.05516 117 88 21 8
680 You may experience a little mild discomfort. 1.3162 0.04749 136 99 31 6
681 You've reached the age where we have to do this. 1.3161 0.04645 155 115 31 9
682 Bad news is, we have to operate and with no sedation. 1.3158 0.05476 114 85 22 7
683 You're just going to feel a little bit of pressure. 1.3158 0.04888 152 115 26 11
684 It's only a question of time! 1.3158 0.04574 133 95 34 4
685 Now I'm going to ask that you breathe. 1.3158 0.04977 152 116 24 12
686 You're going to feel a tiny jab. 1.3158 0.05160 133 100 24 9
687 No worries! I do this procedure every day around this time. 1.3154 0.05395 149 118 15 16
688 You may not feel any better afterward, but I sure will. 1.3154 0.04770 149 111 29 9
689 Don't be embarrassed, this happens to pinots as they age 1.3154 0.05047 149 114 23 12
690 Don't worry. I've performed this procedure thousands of times. 1.3154 0.05126 130 97 25 8
691 A little pop and then you can breathe. 1.3152 0.04367 165 121 36 8
692 'It's called acupuncture' 1.3152 0.04533 165 123 32 10
693 Well, at least I didn't say bend over ! 1.3143 0.04764 140 103 30 7
694 The lab report came back. Good news, you were a very good vintage. 1.3141 0.04709 156 117 29 10
695 So, you indicated that you're have a problem breathing. 1.3140 0.05253 121 90 24 7
696 This is where you get screwed. 1.3139 0.05049 137 103 25 9
697 Once we get that fluid drained we'll both feel better. 1.3139 0.04832 137 101 29 7
698 Aging won't be an issue for you. 1.3139 0.04832 137 101 29 7
699 It’s a slightly invasive procedure but we want to rule out any bad pairing with cheese. 1.3139 0.05258 137 105 21 11
700 You’re anxiety can be alleviated with some simple breathing techniques. 1.3137 0.04771 153 115 28 10
701 You've aged wonderfully, my dear. Now, let's put it to the test. 1.3137 0.04396 153 111 36 6
702 I'm more of an enthusiast than a doctor. 1.3136 0.04918 118 85 29 4
703 Have you ever heard of a lobottlemy? 1.3134 0.05235 134 102 22 10
704 And then we’ll check your legs. 1.3134 0.05235 134 102 22 10
705 I'm happy to report that you're screwed. 1.3130 0.05574 115 87 20 8
706 If everything's good we won't have to do it again for ten years. 1.3130 0.04857 131 96 29 6
707 Relax! I have performed thousands of labottlemies! 1.3130 0.05093 131 98 25 8
708 It's a minor outpatient procedure. 1.3130 0.05318 131 100 21 10
709 I have the MRI results. It turns out that you're delicious! 1.3125 0.05070 144 110 23 11
710 Stop wining. It is a simple procedure - not a lobottlemy. 1.3125 0.04671 144 106 31 7
711 Open wide and say, "terroir". 1.3121 0.04841 141 105 28 8
712 Can I call you a Cab? 1.3119 0.05636 109 82 20 7
713 Let's release those bottled-up emotions. 1.3119 0.05636 109 82 20 7
714 don't worry, I've done this procedure over 200 times, maybe more. 1.3119 0.05636 109 82 20 7
715 Well,the good news is that we should be able to remove it 1.3119 0.06071 109 85 14 10
716 I just want to uncork your potential. 1.3117 0.04654 154 115 30 9
717 Don't worry! Everyone your vintage has this procedure. 1.3117 0.04654 154 115 30 9
718 I'm here to get rid of your blockage. 1.3116 0.04460 138 99 35 4
719 Ok, Mr. Merlot, we have an exciting new method of getting down to your problem! 1.3116 0.04339 138 98 37 3
720 The good news is we're only going to have to do this once. 1.3116 0.04911 138 103 27 8
721 Good news! One of us has reason to celebrate. 1.3116 0.04911 138 103 27 8
722 Don't worry. I do this procedure hundreds of time a month. 1.3113 0.04809 151 114 27 10
723 Don't worry, I feel very confident your 'lobottlemy' is going to go down smoothly. 1.3113 0.04525 151 111 33 7
724 Nothing serious. Bit of gas easily fixed. 1.3111 0.05201 135 103 22 10
725 You might feel a little pinch, but it's gonna feel so good to breathe again! 1.3106 0.04944 132 98 27 7
726 Fortunately, your insurance should cover the corkage fee. 1.3106 0.04825 132 97 29 6
727 Just a small poke and we'll drain off some of that fluid. 1.3103 0.04746 145 108 29 8
728 This would be less invasive if you came in a screw top. 1.3103 0.04540 145 106 33 6
729 Just a little pain, followed by an empty feeling. 1.3103 0.05110 116 85 26 5
730 The good news is that I've removed hundreds of those and everyone feels better afterwards. 1.3101 0.04570 158 118 31 9
731 yes, both literally as well as figuratively since with we no longer take your insurance. 1.3097 0.05491 113 85 21 7
732 It may be a painful procedure, but you won't be able to breathe without it. 1.3097 0.04537 155 115 32 8
733 You have aged really well. 1.3095 0.04709 126 91 31 4
734 Once we pop that cork off, I’ll be able to see how you’re aging! 1.3094 0.04433 139 100 35 4
735 After the procedure, I'm sure you'll be able to breathe easier. 1.3094 0.04662 139 102 31 6
736 It’s a very normal procedure so please no wine-ing… 1.3094 0.04433 139 100 35 4
737 If you want to breathe properly I'm going to have to perform an extraction. 1.3089 0.04916 123 90 28 5
738 You’ll only feel a little pressure. 1.3089 0.05049 123 91 26 6
739 Don't worry, I have just the thing to help you breathe 1.3088 0.04491 136 98 34 4
740 I know you tend to keep things bottled up but you’ve reached maturity and it’s time to let it all out… 1.3087 0.04939 149 114 24 11
741 Corkage fees are out-of pocket, I'm afraid. 1.3087 0.04656 149 111 30 8
742 You'll feel a little drained, but I assure you we'll both feel much better. 1.3087 0.04656 149 111 30 8
743 After a certain age it's practically mandatory. 1.3087 0.04656 149 111 30 8
744 It's a proven great stress reliever... 1.3084 0.05541 107 80 21 6
745 No, I am not using this to check your prostate. 1.3084 0.06145 107 84 13 10
746 It's the drink talking 1.3083 0.05525 120 92 19 9
747 Don't forget to breathe. 1.3083 0.05139 133 101 23 9
748 The cork is always the first to go. 1.3083 0.05027 133 100 25 8
749 We all stop aging eventually. 1.3082 0.04617 146 108 31 7
750 No, actually you are the perfect age for this procedure 1.3082 0.04718 146 109 29 8
751 Well, dear boy, it's the moment of truth...where we find out what you're made of! 1.3077 0.04679 143 106 30 7
752 Yes, it is invasive, but it will clear up that blockage. 1.3077 0.04741 130 95 30 5
753 This will only hurt for a second" 1.3071 0.05159 140 108 21 11
754 I need to test your white wine cell count. 1.3071 0.04851 140 105 27 8
755 I have good news… 1.3071 0.04634 140 103 31 6
756 Well, has it been a good year? 1.3071 0.04938 127 94 27 6
757 You're aging well. 1.3070 0.04846 114 82 29 3
758 Don't worry, this won't hurt a bit . . . unless your cork is dry. 1.3067 0.04819 150 114 26 10
759 bottoms up !! 1.3066 0.05135 137 105 22 10
760 Don't worry, we go in from the top. 1.3065 0.04746 124 90 30 4
761 The bad news is, based on your varietal, you won't age well. The good news is that you're perfect right now. 1.3063 0.05975 111 87 14 10
762 You want a second opinion before the extraction? Okay. You’re wearing an ugly label. 1.3063 0.05694 111 85 18 8
763 I'm sure you're fine! However, I'll require a quick sample for testing. 1.3063 0.05399 111 83 22 6
764 Your test results came in. You're screwed! 1.3060 0.04994 134 101 25 8
765 You'll breathe easier in no time! 1.3060 0.04764 134 99 29 6
766 Good News - your insurance does cover cork extraction..... 1.3060 0.05106 134 102 23 9
767 Who's ready for their detox? 1.3060 0.04881 134 100 27 7
768 This should help you breathe. 1.3058 0.05095 121 90 25 6
769 You will soon be able to breathe! 1.3056 0.04546 144 106 32 6
770 Betcha wish you were a screwtop. 1.3053 0.05185 131 100 22 9
771 The good news is that we can reduce your high pressure 1.3051 0.05178 118 88 24 6
772 I want to try a decongestant. 1.3051 0.05036 118 87 26 5
773 A little off the top?... 1.3051 0.04890 118 86 28 4
774 This will be a little more difficult than a colonoscopy. 1.3047 0.05384 128 99 19 10
775 What’s your vintage… I mean birthdate? 1.3047 0.05268 128 98 21 9
776 Let's see if we can help you breathe. 1.3046 0.04698 151 114 28 9
777 I have just the thing to help you unwind!" 1.3043 0.04997 138 105 24 9
778 You will feel a slight pressure but no pain 1.3043 0.05265 115 86 23 6
779 I think I can help you clear that blockage... 1.3040 0.05233 125 95 22 8
780 It'll help you breathe. 1.3040 0.05108 125 94 24 7
781 Just relax. I’m here to help you breathe. 1.3040 0.05233 125 95 22 8
782 This procedure is the sure fire way to lose all the weight you’re carrying. 1.3040 0.04980 125 93 26 6
783 We’ll, basically, you’re screwed if you do and screwed if you don’t! 1.3038 0.05056 158 125 18 15
784 You can wine all you want, but we still have to do this. 1.3038 0.04463 158 118 32 8
785 This will just pinch for a second. 1.3037 0.04850 135 101 27 7
786 I think it's best if you get some air. 1.3037 0.04495 135 98 33 4
787 This is my first case that fits one of my most enjoyable classes in Medical School......It is better to have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy. 1.3033 0.05807 122 97 13 12
788 Without this procedure you run the risk of becoming vinegar. 1.3033 0.05320 122 93 21 8
789 It’s a little like a colonoscopy 1.3033 0.05320 122 93 21 8
790 Don’t worry; I always pull out. 1.3033 0.05689 122 96 15 11
791 Don’t be nervous, just sit back and breathe. 1.3030 0.05037 132 100 24 8
792 It’ll be over in minutes and I won’t feel a thing! 1.3030 0.04921 132 99 26 7
793 Don't worry. I've done thousands of these. 1.3028 0.04687 142 106 29 7
794 Good News!, We've found a match, a dry aged ribeye. 1.3028 0.04996 142 109 23 10
795 You are healthy enough to drink! 1.3028 0.05132 109 80 25 4
796 I'm about to fix your breathing issue. 1.3026 0.04382 152 112 34 6
797 Trust me, this will help you breathe. 1.3025 0.05277 119 90 22 7
798 Please. Dr. Sommelier was my fathers name 1.3025 0.05141 119 89 24 6
799 Looks like we both need a shot 1.3025 0.05668 119 93 16 10
800 You were born in a great year. I'll need an extra large sample. 1.3023 0.04996 129 97 25 7
801 Are you sure there aren't any less invasive options we haven't explored yet, doc? 1.3022 0.04860 139 105 26 8
802 You'll just feel a little pinch when I take the sample 1.3022 0.04752 139 104 28 7
803 please no! I'm not aged yet! 1.3019 0.05714 106 81 18 7
804 The procedure is relatively painless,and your vintage is covered by Medicare. 1.3019 0.04615 159 121 28 10
805 You just need a bit of fresh air to get better. 1.3019 0.05390 106 79 22 5
806 You've kept things bottled up too long. I'll help you let it all out. 1.3016 0.05197 126 96 22 8
807 Let’s just take a little peek, shall we? 1.3016 0.04817 126 93 28 5
808 You mustn’t bottle up your emotions. 1.3016 0.04545 126 91 32 3
809 Don't worry -- this will just help you breathe better. 1.3014 0.04798 146 111 26 9
810 Now we are going to play a little game to help you open up... 1.3010 0.05661 103 78 19 6
811 I have something to relieve your headache... 1.3009 0.05010 113 83 26 4
812 I’m just going to check your nose and your legs. 1.3008 0.05529 123 96 17 10
813 Doc, why do you always schedule me at five o'clock? 1.3008 0.05155 123 93 23 7
814 Two quick turns and I’ll do the taste, er, testing. 1.3008 0.05441 133 105 16 12
815 Don't worry, your copay covers corkage. 1.3008 0.05005 133 101 24 8
816 Just a tiny poke. 1.3008 0.04526 133 97 32 4
817 We just need to do a few tastes, I mean tests 1.3008 0.04889 133 100 26 7
818 What did you say your date of birth was? 1.3000 0.05081 130 99 23 8
819 You’re at that age now 1.3000 0.05081 130 99 23 8
820 You could save someone’s life with this donation. 1.3000 0.05371 120 92 20 8
821 Well the good news is you don't have cancer, the bad news is I typically open a bottle of wine when I give that news... 1.2993 0.04570 147 110 30 7
822 You won't feel a thing... and once I'm done with you, neither will I. 1.2993 0.05146 147 116 18 13
823 I will be happy to examine you more closely after you breathe a while 1.2993 0.04789 137 103 27 7
824 Don't worry you'll be able to breathe in a minute! 1.2993 0.04900 137 104 25 8
825 Fear of needles? Well then, good news... 1.2992 0.05281 127 98 20 9
826 Well, yes, today I am screwing with you. 1.2992 0.05039 127 96 24 7
827 You're gonna feel a little trickle. 1.2992 0.05161 127 97 22 8
828 We're just going to drain a little fluid. 1.2991 0.05188 117 88 23 6
829 You came to the right person. 1.2991 0.05188 117 88 23 6
830 This is the “ Stormy Daniels Procedure “ - takes less than 90 seconds and you won’t feel a thing. 1.2991 0.05728 117 92 15 10
831 Ah.. You only 'think' you're a screw top! 1.2991 0.04896 117 86 27 4
832 …don’t worry, I found a way for you to give blood after all..! 1.2991 0.05044 117 87 25 5
833 Trust me, I'll just put in the tip. 1.2991 0.05510 107 81 20 6
834 No, no! You are aging excellently! 1.2985 0.04621 134 99 30 5
835 No sense in keeping everything bottled up inside. 1.2984 0.04989 124 93 25 6
836 Yes, we can relieve that ‘full body’ feeling you’re experiencing. 1.2984 0.05245 124 95 21 8
837 We may experience symptoms of dizziness or fatigue. 1.2982 0.05421 114 87 20 7
838 I'd just like to help you relax and breathe 1.2982 0.05127 114 85 24 5
839 This procedure will help you breathe. 1.2982 0.05276 114 86 22 6
840 This procedure is very common for older bottles such as yourself. 1.2982 0.05276 114 86 22 6
841 Oh, I can definitely cure you of that bottled up feeling. 1.2982 0.04650 114 82 30 2
842 Medical humor. Actually, I'm going ice fishing tomorrow. 1.2982 0.05276 114 86 22 6
843 Just to verify, how old are you again? 1.2982 0.05276 114 86 22 6
844 At your age, it would be irresponsible not to 1.2981 0.05778 104 80 17 7
845 As your doctor, I am here to serve you. 1.2979 0.04473 141 104 32 5
846 I have just the thing to get you to open up. 1.2977 0.04930 131 99 25 7
847 Well, yes. The procedure is somewhat invasive. 1.2976 0.04184 168 125 36 7
848 I can assure you, at your age, it's a routine procedure" 1.2975 0.05333 121 93 20 8
849 And the good news is your insurance covers the corkage fee. 1.2975 0.04930 121 90 26 5
850 Now let's see if you're bone dry. 1.2973 0.05519 111 85 19 7
851 For someone of your vintage, it's recommended every five years. 1.2973 0.05214 111 83 23 5
852 Sorry, but it’s time to pull the plug. 1.2971 0.04759 138 104 27 7
853 Now as you know, you’re over forty… 1.2971 0.04869 138 105 25 8
854 I understand we’re getting a flute shot today? 1.2971 0.04531 138 102 31 5
855 You'll feel a little pressure, nothing to whine about! 1.2970 0.05367 101 75 22 4
856 I know just the thing to relieve your headaches. 1.2969 0.04621 128 94 30 4
857 This won't hurt and it will help you breath. 1.2969 0.04753 128 95 28 5
858 It's just a little something we have to do when you get to a certain age. 1.2969 0.05245 128 99 20 9
859 I have excellent news, you’re just the right age for decanting! 1.2969 0.04486 128 93 32 3
860 Would I screw you? 1.2966 0.05150 118 89 23 6
861 Not to worry. I've dealt with lots of cases like yours over the years. 1.2963 0.05773 108 84 16 8
862 I promise it is not a lobottlemy 1.2963 0.05465 108 82 20 6
863 Wanna screw around? 1.2963 0.06066 108 86 12 10
864 Don't worry, if anything goes wrong we'll use mouth to mouth respiration. 1.2961 0.04652 152 116 27 9
865 I recommend this procedure for all patients of a certain vintage" 1.2961 0.04558 152 115 29 8
866 Now, breathe… 1.2960 0.04955 125 94 25 6
867 The nurse will be back in a moment with your test results and a decanter 1.2958 0.04771 142 108 26 8
868 You'll feel a small release of pressure, and then just breathe. 1.2957 0.05236 115 87 22 6
869 Me? No! It's the insurance companies that will screw you over! 1.2957 0.05657 115 90 16 9
870 It’s a vintage procedure 1.2955 0.04778 132 99 27 6
871 You are at the age where we need to do this. 1.2952 0.05567 105 80 19 6
872 I promise this will help you breathe normally. 1.2951 0.05165 122 93 22 7
873 Yes, well, we'll see just how well you've really aged. 1.2951 0.05294 122 94 20 8
874 It’s nothing to be ashamed about, but we have to remove the blockage. 1.2951 0.04895 122 91 26 5
875 On the bright side, you're aging beautifully 1.2951 0.04755 122 90 28 4
876 Wouldn’t it be nice to just breathe for a while? 1.2946 0.05621 112 87 17 8
877 So, I heard it through the grapevine you're not feeling well. 1.2946 0.04848 129 97 26 6
878 It'll just be a little prick. 1.2946 0.05209 129 100 20 9
879 Happiness is not out there. It's inside you. Here, let me show you. 1.2946 0.05437 129 102 16 11
880 I have a new therapeutic technique that will help you open up. 1.2946 0.05092 129 99 22 8
881 Once I help you breathe you’ll mellow out. 1.2946 0.05092 129 99 22 8
882 It’ll hurt a little. Then we’ll let you breathe. 1.2941 0.04971 119 89 25 5
883 You’re going to hear a “pop” 1.2941 0.05250 119 91 21 7
884 I have a little something to take the pressure off. 1.2941 0.05250 119 91 21 7
885 I’m just going to do a little something to help you breathe. 1.2941 0.05843 102 79 16 7
886 Good news: you're insurance company is covering the corkage fee. 1.2941 0.05113 119 90 23 6
887 you're just ging to feel a little prick 1.2941 0.05018 136 105 22 9
888 The extraction will be painless. 1.2941 0.04971 119 89 25 5
889 The next test will tell me how well you're aging. 1.2941 0.05501 102 77 20 5
890 Screw who? 1.2941 0.05675 102 78 18 6
891 Once we remove it, we let you breathe for a few minutes 1.2937 0.05528 126 100 15 11
892 Just a minor procedure to help you breathe. 1.2937 0.04790 126 94 27 5
893 Your best qualities have been bottled up for too long. 1.2937 0.04921 126 95 25 6
894 Once I release those nasty sulfites, your headaches will magically disappear. 1.2937 0.04790 126 94 27 5
895 I'll just need you to scooch down a little bit more. 1.2937 0.05294 126 98 19 9
896 I know it sounds scary, but this procedure will give you legs AND let you breathe. 1.2936 0.05263 109 82 22 5
897 Life is a Cabernet, old chum..It's only a Cabernet... 1.2936 0.05727 109 85 16 8
898 You may very well be screwed now, but at least afterward you'll be able to breathe 1.2934 0.04753 167 132 21 14
899 Don’t worry, you will breathe so much better. 1.2932 0.05205 133 104 19 10
900 You'll just feel a little pinch 1.2931 0.05340 116 89 20 7
901 No worries, we have a solution to your breathing problem. 1.2931 0.05051 116 87 24 5
902 I'm not strictly an optometrist but I AM here to get you into some glasses 1.2931 0.05197 116 88 22 6
903 When were you bottled, again? 1.2929 0.05607 99 75 19 5
904 What say we introduce you to some fresh air? 1.2929 0.05607 99 75 19 5
905 I call it a 'corkonoscopy'. 1.2929 0.06300 99 79 11 9
906 Trust me, it'll help you breathe. 1.2929 0.05788 99 76 17 6
907 I would like to keep you here overnight for observation, and possibly some samples" 1.2929 0.05420 99 74 21 4
908 Don't worry, this is gonna hurt me more than it's gonna hurt you 1.2929 0.05788 99 76 17 6
909 The next procedure will be performed in the staff room. 1.2927 0.04861 123 92 26 5
910 The good news is, you have aged well. 1.2927 0.04861 123 92 26 5
911 You need to breathe. 1.2927 0.05128 123 94 22 7
912 actually, this MIGHT hurt you more than it hurts me... 1.2923 0.04816 130 98 26 6
913 We're just going to let you breathe. 1.2920 0.05134 113 85 23 5
914 The surgeon agrees, we have to open you up! 1.2920 0.05286 113 86 21 6
915 I’m not screwing you. I’m unleashing your potential. 1.2920 0.05577 113 88 17 8
916 Great news! With your insurance there's no corkage fee! 1.2917 0.05212 120 92 21 7
917 Your procedure isn't scheduled until five o'clock, but you know what they say 1.2917 0.05474 120 94 17 9
918 Are you the one who wants a screw top? 1.2913 0.05137 127 98 21 8
919 It's just a little something to help you breathe. 1.2913 0.05374 127 100 17 10
920 The only way to get the answer is to open you up. 1.2913 0.05013 127 97 23 7
921 It’s a common procedure. You’ll only feel a little poke. 1.2910 0.04345 134 98 33 3
922 I have a special tool to help with your fluid retention 1.2910 0.04949 134 103 23 8
923 This isn't easy to say, but we need a tasting... er, sample 1.2909 0.05681 110 86 16 8
924 Don’t worry this is our most reliable anti-aging procedure 1.2909 0.05826 110 87 14 9
925 Let's check your tannins, shall we? 1.2906 0.04865 117 87 26 4
926 I know just the thing to help you breathe. 1.2906 0.05159 117 89 22 6
927 Turn your head to the side for me and cough 1.2906 0.05014 117 88 24 5
928 After this procedure you may feel a little light-headed, but that'll make two of us. 1.2903 0.05092 124 95 22 7
929 I'm going to need you to bend over. 1.2901 0.04905 131 100 24 7
930 No need to fret…I haven’t lost a cork since the ‘87 Gewürztraminer. 1.2897 0.05313 107 81 21 5
931 I see you're a 40 year old vintage. 1.2895 0.04941 114 85 25 4
932 This is the only one covered by your plan. 1.2895 0.05534 114 89 17 8
933 You need to open up. 1.2893 0.04901 121 91 25 5
934 Technically, it's not a lobotomy. 1.2893 0.04901 121 91 25 5
935 So, I have a treatment that will help you breath. 1.2893 0.04758 121 90 27 4
936 Which end ? 1.2893 0.05174 121 93 21 7
937 I think I have something to release all that pressure you have...well, bottled up. 1.2893 0.05174 121 93 21 7
938 I need a second opinion. 1.2893 0.05040 121 92 23 6
939 Don't look so worried. I'm just here to help you breathe. 1.2891 0.05221 128 100 19 9
940 Colonoscopy? Couldn't be simpler. 1.2891 0.05101 128 99 21 8
941 Did I say ‘frontal lobottlemy?’ Talk about a Freudian slip! 1.2891 0.05451 128 102 15 11
942 The uncorking may sting a bit, but the decanting is painless. 1.2889 0.04567 135 101 29 5
943 Why not change that tight corked feeling for one of an expressive high note, with legs? 1.2887 0.05475 97 73 20 4
944 At twenty you were just another full bodied red. At seventy, you're exquisite. 1.2885 0.05744 104 81 16 7
945 You'll be breathing freely in no time! 1.2885 0.05234 104 78 22 4
946 We have ways to make you open up. 1.2885 0.05579 104 80 18 6
947 Trust me. You'll breathe better." 1.2885 0.05579 104 80 18 6
948 This procedure is my suggested weight loss plan for you. 1.2883 0.05337 111 85 20 6
949 So, you wanted to discuss some concerns about aging? 1.2883 0.05181 111 84 22 5
950 It's similar to a lobotomy, but it's called an 'Unbottleme' 1.2883 0.05181 111 84 22 5
951 You are now a 50 year old vintage , so it's time for your Corkorectomy 1.2883 0.05488 111 86 18 7
952 You just got the nod from upstairs. 1.2881 0.05260 118 91 20 7
953 A wine your age really should have this done every five years. 1.2880 0.04795 125 94 26 5
954 The donor registry identified you as a perfect match with pork. 1.2879 0.04873 132 101 24 7
955 You'll feel a little sting and a little pressure. 1.2879 0.05105 132 103 20 9
956 The bottle in front of me needs a frontal lobotomy. 1.2872 0.05784 94 72 17 5
957 I'm afraid it's your time. 1.2871 0.05139 101 75 23 3
958 It's a simple procedure that will make it much easier for you breathe. 1.2871 0.05688 101 78 17 6
959 It’s a kind of twist on the usual blood sample. 1.2871 0.05139 101 75 23 3
960 It's like taking off a tight shoe...and then you can breathe. 1.2870 0.05432 108 83 19 6
961 Don't worry, you'll be breathing in no time. 1.2870 0.05104 108 81 23 4
962 No worries - it's an age-old procedure to help you breathe. 1.2870 0.05104 108 81 23 4
963 Don't worry. I've done this removal procedure a thousand times. 1.2870 0.04753 108 79 27 2
964 This will ease the pressure for both of us. 1.2870 0.04904 115 86 25 4
965 Not gonna lie. Your time is up. 1.2870 0.05057 115 87 23 5
966 We're going to need a specimen. 1.2870 0.05628 115 91 15 9
967 This will help you breathe more easily. 1.2870 0.04746 115 85 27 3
968 We'll have that thing out in a jiffy,and then you'll be able to breathe. 1.2870 0.05206 115 88 21 6
969 Basically, you're screwed. 1.2869 0.05267 122 95 19 8
970 Now now, you shouldn't be afraid of this at your age! 1.2869 0.04866 122 92 25 5
971 Trust me, they’re all switching to the screw cap. 1.2869 0.05004 122 93 23 6
972 Well Mr. Pinot, your results came back and everything looks grape" 1.2868 0.05185 129 101 19 9
973 "Trust me, you'll finally be able to breathe. 1.2868 0.04564 129 96 29 4
974 This guy’s gonna screw me… 1.2868 0.04657 136 103 27 6
975 Well the good news is your plan covers corkage with no deductible or co-pay. 1.2867 0.04471 150 114 29 7
976 But enough bad news. I understand you signed a donor card ... 1.2857 0.04982 112 84 24 4
977 Normally the patient whines during the procedure and I wine after... 1.2857 0.05696 105 82 16 7
978 Trouble breathing? 1.2857 0.05141 112 85 22 5
979 Yes, you are about to get screwed! 1.2857 0.05222 119 92 20 7
980 You're tense. I have something that will open you up a bit. 1.2857 0.05012 105 78 24 3
981 Is this your first time donating wine? 1.2857 0.04677 140 107 26 7
982 Don’t worry. You don’t have to turn around and bend over this time. 1.2857 0.04957 133 103 22 8
983 Can you believe it’s been five years already? 1.2857 0.05083 119 91 22 6
984 I only have to draw one glass. 1.2857 0.05445 112 87 18 7
985 You'll be breathing easy in just moment. 1.2857 0.04677 140 107 26 7
986 You're a little immature, nice nose but no legs 1.2857 0.05855 105 83 14 8
987 What makes you think I'm just thirsty? 1.2857 0.05427 98 74 20 4
988 It's a novel way to stop aging" 1.2857 0.05981 98 77 14 7
989 Trust me, it's not as bad as a prostate exam. 1.2857 0.05268 126 99 18 9
990 Now you know why you should always ask for a female doctor. 1.2857 0.05981 98 77 14 7
991 This may seem a little.. uh, invasive, but you’ll be able to breathe better. 1.2857 0.04677 140 107 26 7
992 We’ll need to drain the fluids before proceeding 1.2857 0.04982 112 84 24 4
993 Unfortunately, the corkage fee is not covered by your insurance 1.2857 0.05191 105 79 22 4
994 I’ll give you another hint: it’s bigger than a stethoscope. 1.2847 0.04389 137 102 31 4
995 Is this your first time donating in Napa Valley? 1.2846 0.04663 130 98 27 5
996 I'm afraid this isn't going to be a very good year for you. 1.2846 0.04912 130 100 23 7
997 I’m the opposite of your insurance company – I’m here to unscrew you. 1.2846 0.05101 123 95 21 7
998 I'll need a blood sample large enough for our staff Happy Hour." 1.2846 0.05230 123 96 19 8
999 This won't hurt a bit, we just need to drain some fluid. 1.2845 0.04868 116 87 25 4
1000 I promise. You will feel better after a few quick turns. 1.2845 0.04711 116 86 27 3
1001 You're at risk of being caught in a downward spiral. Trust me. 1.2845 0.04868 116 87 25 4
1002 So, your date of birth is 1945? 1.2843 0.05464 102 78 19 5
1003 We need to talk about your blood pressure 1.2843 0.05639 102 79 17 6
1004 Okay now, I’m just going to need you to breathe. 1.2843 0.05283 102 77 21 4
1005 Look, you're 50 years old, it really is time to get screened. 1.2837 0.04965 141 111 20 10
1006 Wait, I already had my colonoscopy. 1.2836 0.04691 134 102 26 6
1007 I hear you are feeling stopped up. 1.2836 0.04691 134 102 26 6
1008 You'll feel awful. But I'll feel amazing. 1.2835 0.04730 127 96 26 5
1009 It's just to loosen you up. 1.2835 0.04860 127 97 24 6
1010 Yes, this exact procedure, hundreds of times. And no, haven't touched a bottle in a week. 1.2835 0.04458 127 94 30 3
1011 First, I am going to open you, so you can breathe properly. Failing that, I’ll have to perform mouth-to-mouth. 1.2835 0.05232 127 100 18 9
1012 Your tests show that you've been keeping things bottled up to long. 1.2833 0.05046 120 92 22 6
1013 Let's just relieve some of that pressure, shall we? 1.2833 0.04906 120 91 24 5
1014 You'll feel a small sting, then I'll feel a pleasant buzz. 1.2833 0.05317 120 94 18 8
1015 Alternatively, we could lay you to rest in a cold dark place, deep underground for ages - even then, there's no guarantee you'll get any better. 1.2833 0.05046 120 92 22 6
1016 I hope I won't be too much of a pain in the neck. 1.2832 0.04944 113 85 24 4
1017 Could you spin around and let me see your label again? 1.2832 0.04944 113 85 24 4
1018 You will only feel a small prick. 1.2832 0.05102 113 86 22 5
1019 I'll have you breathing easier in a minute. 1.2832 0.05547 113 89 16 8
1020 Before I can get to the bottom of this, you're going to need to breathe. 1.2832 0.05254 113 87 20 6
1021 Yes, at your age this procedure is recommended 1.2832 0.05402 113 88 18 7
1022 At your age, this procedure is recommended. 1.2832 0.04782 113 84 26 3
1023 The good news is that you are fine, very very fine. 1.2832 0.04782 113 84 26 3
1024 I'm going to conduct a full-bodied exam. 1.2830 0.05321 106 81 20 5
1025 I have a solution to your feeling bloated! 1.2828 0.05927 99 78 14 7
1026 Say cheese 1.2824 0.04633 131 99 27 5
1027 Sorry, but we can't use anesthesia in your case. It might bruise the wine. 1.2824 0.04633 131 99 27 5
1028 Reverse order today, screw first then drink 1.2823 0.04799 124 94 25 5
1029 Now, now, there’s nothing to fear. I’m just going to help you breathe a little bit. 1.2823 0.04799 124 94 25 5
1030 Your treatment plan includes plenty of bread and cheese. 1.2823 0.04799 124 94 25 5
1031 After the procedure we offer complimentary cheese and crackers. 1.2821 0.05270 117 91 19 7
1032 I think we have a solution for your weight problem. 1.2821 0.05128 117 90 21 6
1033 Trust me, I want nothing more than to help you breathe. 1.2821 0.05128 117 90 21 6
1034 So I hear you've been bottled up for awhile." 1.2818 0.05346 110 85 19 6
1035 Now I want you to breathe. 1.2818 0.04855 110 82 25 3
1036 Now, let's see if we can get to the bottom of your problem. 1.2817 0.04283 142 106 32 4
1037 Prepare to be screwed 1.2816 0.05758 103 81 15 7
1038 Just one more step, and you will be able to breathe like never before. 1.2812 0.04953 128 99 22 7
1039 Don't worry, these changes are common at your age. 1.2812 0.04698 128 97 26 5
1040 I noticed on your intake form that you were born in 1926 in Bordeaux! 1.2812 0.05075 128 100 20 8
1041 Draining blockages is my specialty. 1.2812 0.04565 128 96 28 4
1042 It will only hurt for a second and then at last you will be able to breathe. 1.2812 0.04953 128 99 22 7
1043 You can't keep things bottled up. 1.2810 0.04871 121 92 24 5
1044 It's a very common procedure at your vintage. 1.2807 0.04907 114 86 24 4
1045 After the blockage is removed, I should be feeling much better. 1.2807 0.05214 114 88 20 6
1046 Dont worry this one doesn't go down there 1.2807 0.04907 114 86 24 4
1047 Relax, we just need 8 ounces. 1.2807 0.05214 114 88 20 6
1048 You've appropriately aged! Now is the time for your colonoscopy. 1.2807 0.05063 114 87 22 5
1049 I think I have found a cure. 1.2807 0.05063 114 87 22 5
1050 Think how much longer you lasted than the Beaujolais nouveau! 1.2806 0.04793 139 108 23 8
1051 Bet you're sorry you are not a screwtop now! 1.2804 0.05442 107 83 18 6
1052 So what’s this about you feeling all stopped up ? 1.2803 0.04602 132 100 27 5
1053 Relax, this procedure will allow you to finally breathe 1.2803 0.04602 132 100 27 5
1054 You are ready to be uncorked, my friend. 1.2800 0.05140 100 75 22 3
1055 Simple procedure? Sounds pretty invasive. 1.2800 0.04628 125 94 27 4
1056 Don't worry. We perform this procedure regularly 1.2800 0.04765 125 95 25 5
1057 Now, let's have a look at that cork of yours." 1.2800 0.05140 100 75 22 3
1058 I’ve learned that it’s not good to keep things bottled up. 1.2797 0.05090 118 91 21 6
1059 You have aged well - up to now. 1.2797 0.05231 118 92 19 7
1060 You'll feel much better when I help you to breath... 1.2797 0.04797 118 89 25 4
1061 I’ve come to celebrate our tenth anniversary together. 1.2797 0.04946 118 90 23 5
1062 Lastly, we just need to do a check of your vintage. 1.2797 0.04797 118 89 25 4
1063 I'll respect you even more in the morning, but, yes, you are going to be screwed. 1.2796 0.06185 93 74 12 7
1064 Now I will perform a frontal labottlemy. 1.2793 0.05456 111 87 17 7
1065 You should see what we use for a routine pap smear 1.2793 0.05303 111 86 19 6
1066 Don’t worry, this is a common procedure for bottles of your vintage. 1.2793 0.04985 111 84 23 4
1067 You'll feel a little poke. 1.2791 0.04794 129 99 24 6
1068 I WAS JUST THINKING, WHAT A WONDERFUL DAY TO GET SOME AIR AND BREATHE! 1.2791 0.04794 129 99 24 6
1069 Don't worry, in med school we practiced this procedure every day. 1.2788 0.05709 104 82 15 7
1070 I have the solution for all your problems." 1.2788 0.05372 104 80 19 5
1071 Let me relieve that pressure for you. 1.2788 0.05195 104 79 21 4
1072 This should help you breathe a little easier. 1.2787 0.05367 122 97 16 9
1073 We just need to open your mind. 1.2787 0.04836 122 93 24 5
1074 I need to let you breathe a little because you’ve been a bit corky lately. 1.2787 0.04974 122 94 22 6
1075 It will hurt a lot less coming out… 1.2787 0.04974 122 94 22 6
1076 It's a simple procedure. When you wake up in recovery, just focus on breathing. 1.2786 0.04309 140 105 31 4
1077 You look like you're having a little trouble breathing... 1.2784 0.05231 97 73 21 3
1078 Now, let's get rid of that sinus pressure once and for all 1.2784 0.05997 97 77 13 7
1079 In a minute I'll need you to breath deep. 1.2783 0.04870 115 87 24 4
1080 You've reached that age where I really have to do this. 1.2783 0.05174 115 89 20 6
1081 It depends...what are you serving? 1.2782 0.04182 133 98 33 2
1082 Don't worry, we go in through your groin. 1.2778 0.06326 90 72 11 7
1083 Let's have a look up top 1.2778 0.05235 108 83 20 5
1084 I have a new treatment to relieve the pressure you have been complaining about..... 1.2778 0.04994 126 98 21 7
1085 Don't be silly. Your fear of doctors is completely irrational. 1.2778 0.05067 108 82 22 4
1086 You simply need a few deep breaths. 1.2778 0.04893 108 81 24 3
1087 I have some bad news, but let's have a drink first ! 1.2778 0.04893 108 81 24 3
1088 Don’t be embarrassed. I’ve removed things far stranger than a cork. 1.2778 0.05703 90 69 17 4
1089 One of the disadvantages of 50 year aging. 1.2778 0.05703 90 69 17 4
1090 You have nothing to worry about. I've performed thousands of these procedures. 1.2778 0.05859 108 87 12 9
1091 No, I wouldn't describe it as an invasive procedure... 1.2778 0.05480 90 68 19 3
1092 Don't worry, you're aging quite nicely. 1.2772 0.04899 101 75 24 2
1093 Look, we just need to take a peek inside and make sure you're aging properly... 1.2772 0.05990 101 81 12 8
1094 Unfortunately your insurer doesn’t cover corkage… 1.2772 0.05288 101 77 20 4
1095 I'm here to improve my bedside manner. 1.2772 0.05472 101 78 18 5
1096 I know you’re nervous, but I need you to breathe. 1.2772 0.05650 101 79 16 6
1097 We just need to check your levels of Oak and Tannins. 1.2769 0.04505 130 98 28 4
1098 Don't worry after your decanting both of us will feel better! 1.2768 0.05107 112 86 21 5
1099 Looks like you're due for an oxidation. You'll feel a small stick then some pressure. 1.2768 0.05107 112 86 21 5
1100 Nothing. 1.2768 0.05262 112 87 19 6
1101 Don't worry, it's only a little prick. 1.2768 0.05262 112 87 19 6
1102 I am only here to serve you. 1.2768 0.05262 112 87 19 6
1103 I promise that your donation will be going to a good cause. 1.2768 0.04947 112 85 23 4
1104 No you didn't. You didn't see anything behind my back. 1.2768 0.04610 112 83 27 2
1105 This is a very routine procedure for men your vintage 1.2768 0.05107 112 86 21 5
1106 This will help with your flow. 1.2766 0.05936 94 74 14 6
1107 A little fresh air will do you good. 1.2764 0.04939 123 95 22 6
1108 I saw on your chart you were born in 1976...good year. 1.2762 0.05152 105 80 21 4
1109 Today we will be checking your real age. 1.2761 0.04665 134 103 25 6
1110 I'm seeing a plate of fava beans after you. 1.2759 0.04987 116 89 22 5
1111 You can relax. I've done this procedure hundreds of times. 1.2759 0.05135 116 90 20 6
1112 I see your chart says you were born in 1959, Mr. Rothschild? 1.2759 0.05279 116 91 18 7
1113 You may feel a little discomfort. 1.2759 0.04429 145 111 28 6
1114 Just sip back and relax 1.2759 0.04987 116 89 22 5
1115 I’m guessing that your superiority complex regarding screw-cap bottles is dissipating as we speak. 1.2756 0.05084 127 100 19 8
1116 I know you're appellation controle'e, but here in California the law is just a tad different. 1.2756 0.04959 127 99 21 7
1117 It is an invasive procedure, but you have no need to worry. It’s routine for me. 1.2756 0.04832 127 98 23 6
1118 My nurse tells me your worried your insurance won't cover corkage? 1.2755 0.05385 98 75 19 4
1119 I’m here to screw you! 1.2755 0.05577 98 76 17 5
1120 Nooo, it goes right in. 1.2755 0.05762 98 77 15 6
1121 Don’t wine, no shots today. 1.2755 0.05186 98 74 21 3
1122 No, I mean literally. 1.2752 0.05193 109 84 20 5
1123 There's no cure for getting old, but you're the perfect age for something 1.2752 0.05027 109 83 22 4
1124 Now we just need a blood draw to taste, I mean test your fluids. 1.2752 0.05027 109 83 22 4
1125 Your insurance doesn’t cover the automatic. 1.2752 0.05193 109 84 20 5
1126 Ya know, a twist-off would be much less painful! 1.2750 0.04874 120 92 23 5
1127 Time to open up! 1.2750 0.04874 120 92 23 5
1128 All vintages over fifty need to have this done once a year. 1.2748 0.04853 131 102 22 7
1129 Lobotomy is your best option and it has the lowest deductible 1.2746 0.04703 142 111 23 8
1130 Since therapy hasn’t helped you open up, we’re going to try a more direct approach. 1.2746 0.04911 142 113 19 10
1131 After this we'll have a drink and everything will be fine. 1.2745 0.04858 102 76 24 2
1132 The only side effect is a feeling of emptiness. 1.2742 0.05164 124 98 18 8
1133 It was at this moment the Screw-Cap wine decided to seek a second opinion 1.2742 0.05290 124 99 16 9
1134 You just breathe and let me worry about the co-pay 1.2741 0.04635 135 104 25 6
1135 As your proctologist, I'm obliged to say 'Bottoms up!'" 1.2737 0.04836 95 70 24 1
1136 It’s the answer to your alcohol problem. 1.2737 0.05279 95 72 20 3
1137 This is just a little something to help you breathe. 1.2737 0.05687 95 74 16 5
1138 Je parle français 1.2737 0.05279 95 72 20 3
1139 But you ARE a sedative. 1.2737 0.05687 95 74 16 5
1140 This has nothing to do with the office party that starts in 10 minutes. 1.2736 0.04931 106 80 23 3
1141 You're going to feel a slight tug. 1.2736 0.05451 106 83 17 6
1142 You'll finally get to breathe. 1.2736 0.05110 106 81 21 4
1143 Good news! You stopped aging! 1.2735 0.04798 117 89 24 4
1144 You might feel a little pressure but we’ll have you breathe for 10 minutes afterwards. 1.2735 0.04798 117 89 24 4
1145 This will only hurt a little. Then you can breathe 1.2735 0.04798 117 89 24 4
1146 I'll start with a small sample. But if that goes well, we may need to take the whole bottle. 1.2734 0.04798 128 99 23 6
1147 The procedure is recommended for your age." 1.2734 0.04668 128 98 25 5
1148 Your tests are all good, but you do need to breathe. A simple procedure can be performed right here. 1.2734 0.05169 128 102 17 9
1149 You may hear a slight popping sound. 1.2734 0.04925 128 100 21 7
1150 I have just the thing to help you breathe... 1.2727 0.05766 88 68 16 4
1151 Let's see what's going on inside of you, shall we? 1.2727 0.05116 121 95 19 7
1152 Simple, fast and safe procedure. It will all be over when you here a pop. 1.2727 0.05766 88 68 16 4
1153 We're going to find out how approachable you are. 1.2727 0.04979 121 94 21 6
1154 The test prep is uncomfortable, but it’s not the worst part. 1.2727 0.05337 99 76 19 4
1155 ... then you'll have an hour to breathe. 1.2727 0.04987 110 84 22 4
1156 I have just the thing for your blockage. 1.2727 0.04987 110 84 22 4
1157 Oh no, not invasive at all, and it will help you breathe so much better! 1.2727 0.05466 110 87 16 7
1158 My nurse says your experiencing chills and feel like you've aged 1.2727 0.05311 110 86 18 6
1159 Why do I feel like I’m about to get screwed? 1.2727 0.05888 99 79 13 7
1160 Just remove your foil and tilt forwards, this wont hurt a bit 1.2727 0.04821 132 103 22 7
1161 We need to run some tests, but I’m fairly certain you’re a red. 1.2727 0.05311 110 86 18 6
1162 . " so, you're gonna feel a bit of pop and release of air. 1.2727 0.04817 110 83 24 3
1163 Removing your cork is going to help you breathe better. 1.2727 0.05337 99 76 19 4
1164 Sorry to tell you: You're screwed! 1.2721 0.04362 136 103 29 4
1165 Yes, I believe we can relieve that tightness you're feeling in the top of your head." 1.2720 0.05000 125 98 20 7
1166 Call it what you will. You'll be open and breathing. 1.2720 0.04869 125 97 22 6
1167 I bet you wish you had a screw top right about now! 1.2720 0.05000 125 98 20 7
1168 You’re not screwed after all! 1.2720 0.04597 125 95 26 4
1169 how do I put this delicately… you’re screwed 🤷🏻‍♀️ 1.2720 0.05000 125 98 20 7
1170 Let's celebrate your recovery. 1.2719 0.05328 114 90 17 7
1171 This should help you breathe for a while. 1.2719 0.05028 114 88 21 5
1172 Any last words? 1.2719 0.05180 114 89 19 6
1173 Unfortunately, unlike today’s prostate cancer screening for men, there is no less invasive test to diagnose oxidation. 1.2719 0.05180 114 89 19 6
1174 Bend over ... and don't forget to breath 1.2718 0.05378 103 80 18 5
1175 Don’t fret. The result are back and all your vitals are better with aging. 1.2718 0.05721 103 82 14 7
1176 All right Vinnie, get ready to cough. 1.2718 0.05012 103 78 22 3
1177 I'd like you to just breathe for 30 minutes. 1.2714 0.04738 140 110 22 8
1178 You're going to feel a pinch. 1.2713 0.04637 129 99 25 5
1179 This might sting a little. 1.2712 0.05058 118 92 20 6
1180 I have good news! Your insurance WILL cover 80% of the corkage fee 1.2712 0.04913 118 91 22 5
1181 I can assure you, it’s a very simple procedure 1.2712 0.04913 118 91 22 5
1182 I promise I will taste better next year! 1.2710 0.05405 107 84 17 6
1183 Not to worry. At your age, we figured it was time to let you breathe. 1.2710 0.05240 107 83 19 5
1184 I’d like to keep you overnight for observation. 1.2710 0.04892 107 81 23 3
1185 No whining before it's time 1.2710 0.04708 107 80 25 2
1186 It's just a routine taste... er, test. 1.2708 0.06012 96 77 12 7
1187 First, the good news — it’s treatable. 1.2708 0.05437 96 74 18 4
1188 Ah So,the key to this is to keep breathing 1.2708 0.04559 96 70 26 0
1189 I know you're a twist-off, but this is the only procedure covered by your insurance 1.2707 0.05133 133 107 16 10
1190 Yeah, aging is the pits. You're screwed. 1.2705 0.04943 122 95 21 6
1191 It’s a very standard procedure, usually around 5 o’clock. 1.2705 0.04804 122 94 23 5
1192 Guess where we're opening you up! 1.2703 0.04779 111 84 24 3
1193 You will feel some slight pressure, but after that, just breathe. 1.2703 0.05111 111 86 20 5
1194 I’ll remove the blockage, reduce the fluids and we’ll both feel much much better. 1.2703 0.05111 111 86 20 5
1195 Oh no, these days we go in through the top. 1.2700 0.05660 100 79 15 6
1196 Yes it's invasive, but you'll be in and out in minutes. 1.2700 0.05096 100 76 21 3
1197 The bad news: you’re not getting any better with age. The good news: I have the perfect solution. 1.2698 0.05091 126 100 18 8
1198 Nothing to worry about, you get better with age. 1.2698 0.04965 126 99 20 7
1199 Look, you reach a certain age and these things just need to happen. 1.2697 0.05929 89 70 14 5
1200 Don't worry I'm gonna make your whole open 1.2697 0.05481 89 68 18 3
1201 Now we'll try a breathing exercise. 1.2697 0.05929 89 70 14 5
1202 Are you here for the corkectomy? 1.2696 0.05141 115 90 19 6
1203 There's nothing wrong with you that some crackers and cheese can't cure! 1.2696 0.05429 115 92 15 8
1204 It's called a lobottle-omi. I promise, it's painless. 1.2696 0.04990 115 89 21 5
1205 If you would please lie down, relax, and think about happy grapes basking in the sun. 1.2696 0.04990 115 89 21 5
1206 Looks like we’ve found the cause of your headache Mr, Malbec. 1.2696 0.04990 115 89 21 5
1207 No worries. It's an in an out procedure. 1.2696 0.04990 115 89 21 5
1208 You’re gonna feel a little prick… 1.2696 0.05141 115 90 19 6
1209 Not to worry, I've done two of these already today, and I'm feeling wondrously confident." 1.2692 0.05333 104 81 18 5
1210 Opening up to your doctor is the first step to being cured 1.2692 0.05333 104 81 18 5
1211 Just a simple procedure to improve your breathing. 1.2692 0.04858 130 102 21 7
1212 We have a new way to screw you 1.2692 0.04475 130 99 27 4
1213 I’m afraid you’re screwed. 1.2692 0.05672 104 83 14 7
1214 You’ll be fine to drive yourself home after the procedure, but I won’t be. 1.2692 0.05505 104 82 16 6
1215 You think you’re getting screwed now, wait for the bill. 1.2692 0.04970 104 79 22 3
1216 Why don't we get drunk and corkscrew? 1.2689 0.05021 119 93 20 6
1217 I think I can help you with that bottled-up feeling. 1.2689 0.05429 119 96 14 9
1218 I've got something to help you breathe. 1.2689 0.04877 119 92 22 5
1219 Don't worry. It's like a prostate exam--but with a better aroma. 1.2689 0.05021 119 93 20 6
1220 You look a little plugged up, I think I have something to help you! 1.2688 0.05949 93 74 13 6
1221 One final question;any plans for post-op ? 1.2688 0.05749 93 73 15 5
1222 Don't worry. It'll be just a mosquito bite. 1.2688 0.05542 93 72 17 4
1223 At your age it’s a necessary procedure. 1.2685 0.05197 108 84 19 5
1224 I love a vintage with a good nose. 1.2685 0.05028 108 83 21 4
1225 Don’t worry a bit. Removing that cork is a common procedure. 1.2685 0.05197 108 84 19 5
1226 I won't put it in all the way. 1.2683 0.05042 123 97 19 7
1227 We'll be the judge, if you're really "fine", wine. 1.2683 0.05042 123 97 19 7
1228 Happy 18th Birthday. 1.2683 0.04908 123 96 21 6
1229 We know your birth date, but now we have to see how you've aged. 1.2680 0.05388 97 75 18 4
1230 Well, you keep saying, 'Pour pour me,' so that's what we're going to do. 1.2680 0.05584 97 76 16 5
1231 You say you are having a breathing problem? 1.2680 0.05185 97 74 20 3
1232 This will enhance your ability to breathe. 1.2680 0.05185 97 74 20 3
1233 We'll need to take a small sample for our tasters in the oenology lab. 1.2679 0.05379 112 89 16 7
1234 Twist off sounds pretty good about now doesn't it? 1.2679 0.05526 112 90 14 8
1235 Sorry.We have no cellar. 1.2679 0.04909 112 86 22 4
1236 Just a little prick,twist and pop and you can breathe easy. 1.2679 0.04909 112 86 22 4
1237 A little fresh air will never hurt 1.2679 0.04570 112 84 26 2
1238 Not to worry. We’ll just drain the fluid and you should start feeling much lighter 1.2679 0.05947 112 93 8 11
1239 No insurance? No worries. We've got a great payment plan. 1.2677 0.04534 127 97 26 4
1240 Don't worry, I checked your prostate last year. 1.2673 0.05610 101 80 15 6
1241 If you want to breathe, you must have the operation. 1.2673 0.04852 101 76 23 2
1242 The good news is you're aging like a fine you. 1.2673 0.05610 101 80 15 6
1243 I promise you we won't take very much 1.2672 0.04798 116 89 23 4
1244 The good news is that there's no corkage co-pay. 1.2672 0.04475 116 87 27 2
1245 I’ll screw you and next your healthcare provider will too 1.2672 0.04952 116 90 21 5
1246 Trust me. You don't want to blow a cork. 1.2667 0.05428 90 69 18 3
1247 Your cork won't feel a thing." 1.2667 0.04929 105 80 22 3
1248 Just bend over and cough. 1.2667 0.04841 120 93 22 5
1249 I need a 6 oz specimen. It won't hurt a bit. 1.2667 0.05112 105 81 20 4
1250 It’s sort of like a colonoscopy… 1.2667 0.05653 90 70 16 4
1251 You're 45 years old. It's time. 1.2667 0.05112 105 81 20 4
1252 The good news is you're not getting a shot. 1.2667 0.05288 105 82 18 5
1253 So, you're having some difficulty breathing? 1.2661 0.04596 124 95 25 4
1254 so there is one procedure your insurance will cover... 1.2661 0.05261 124 100 15 9
1255 In your case, aging is a good thing. I'll just perform a few tests to make sure you're good. 1.2661 0.04814 109 83 23 3
1256 I have the perfect weight loss solution for you. 1.2661 0.04814 109 83 23 3
1257 I was going to buy you dinner first, but... 1.2661 0.04988 109 84 21 4
1258 We'll both enjoy this procedure! 1.2661 0.04988 109 84 21 4
1259 Good news! I've got something for your headache! 1.2661 0.04988 109 84 21 4
1260 As a proctologist, I'm more than qualified to handle this delicate operation. 1.2661 0.05317 109 86 17 6
1261 We have to take a sample. 1.2661 0.04814 109 83 23 3
1262 we'll need a small sample.. 1.2660 0.05490 94 73 17 4
1263 The enema didn’t work? I think I can help you. 1.2660 0.05490 94 73 17 4
1264 This is going to help you breath a bit. 1.2660 0.05892 94 75 13 6
1265 you'd be better off with a screw twist off cap 1.2660 0.05695 94 74 15 5
1266 I've got something to help you unwind. 1.2660 0.05278 94 72 19 3
1267 Finally! I get to give YOU a headache! 1.2655 0.05186 113 89 18 6
1268 Yes, it's the most uncomfortable part of your annual physical. But I have to do it three times a day. 1.2655 0.05186 113 89 18 6
1269 You’re all bottled up…I think we can uncork your inner spirit! 1.2655 0.05031 113 88 20 5
1270 There will be a copay and an uncorking fee. 1.2655 0.05031 113 88 20 5
1271 Corked unlikely , but you may experience some slight discomfort . 1.2653 0.05340 98 76 18 4
1272 Looks like you're retaining fluid. 1.2653 0.05139 98 75 20 3
1273 This is going to hurt you more than it's going to hurt me. 1.2653 0.04930 98 74 22 2
1274 I have your tests back, and you're delicious with a burger. 1.2653 0.04930 98 74 22 2
1275 A corkoscopy? Really? What gives you that impression?" 1.2653 0.05720 98 78 14 6
1276 You’ve reached the age where this is standard procedure 1.2653 0.05139 98 75 20 3
1277 You're very mature for your age. 1.2650 0.04443 117 88 27 2
1278 It’s time to lower your alcohol 1.2650 0.04605 117 89 25 3
1279 You'll feel a little pinch but we'll all feel better in a little while. 1.2647 0.05200 102 79 19 4
1280 You might feel a little pop and then it will all be over. 1.2647 0.05383 102 80 17 5
1281 Relax...it's included in the concierge service! 1.2647 0.04812 102 77 23 2
1282 Good News! I have just the thing to keep you from aging. 1.2645 0.04947 121 95 20 6
1283 You’ll lose some weight and it’ll cover your co-pay. 1.2645 0.05084 121 96 18 7
1284 If you think this is going to hurt, wait till you see my bill. 1.2645 0.04806 121 94 22 5
1285 No need to worry. I've done this procedure many times. 1.2645 0.04806 121 94 22 5
1286 You say you feel nervous, but I think it's just the wine talking. 1.2644 0.05771 87 68 15 4
1287 This won’t involve any bottle-y fluids! 1.2644 0.05029 87 65 21 1
1288 A bottle in front of me, or a frontal lobotomy? 1.2644 0.05535 87 67 17 3
1289 This is just to help you breathe. 1.2642 0.05069 106 82 20 4
1290 This is the best and only way to check your legs. 1.2642 0.05244 106 83 18 5
1291 It's just a part of the aging process! 1.2642 0.04507 106 79 26 1
1292 Don't worry, sampling a little fluid will still leave you full bodied. 1.2642 0.05069 106 82 20 4
1293 Don't worry, this will all be over right after dinner. 1.2640 0.05345 125 102 13 10
1294 I have good news and bad news... 1.2637 0.04901 91 68 22 1
1295 Don't worry about the copay. You've aged into Medicare. 1.2636 0.05114 110 86 19 5
1296 The chart says your have aged enough. 1.2636 0.05114 110 86 19 5
1297 You'll seem much better after you've been allowed to breathe for an hour. 1.2636 0.04473 129 99 26 4
1298 Don't be afraid. If you can relax after a little prick and a gentle twist, you'll soon breathe better and fulfill your purpose in life. 1.2636 0.04985 129 103 18 8
1299 Don't worry, I just need to get your white and red counts. 1.2636 0.04862 129 102 20 7
1300 Relax! You just need to breathe. 1.2632 0.05229 95 73 19 3
1301 Unfortunately, the "Rabbit" is not covered by your insurance. 1.2632 0.05837 95 76 13 6
1302 Close your eyes. 1.2632 0.05145 114 90 18 6
1303 You're my last patient of the day! 1.2632 0.04992 114 89 20 5
1304 We need to open you before you go sour. 1.2632 0.04671 114 87 24 3
1305 After a tiny prick you will feel a great release of pressure and a long awaited outpouring of joy. 1.2632 0.05439 95 74 17 4
1306 At least you won't have to bend over. 1.2632 0.04502 114 86 26 2
1307 Ah, is it somebody’s first colonoscorkpy 1.2632 0.05145 114 90 18 6
1308 I've got just the thing to relieve that tension headache. 1.2627 0.05305 118 95 15 8
1309 It's just a routine procedure. I do it every evening. 1.2626 0.05292 99 77 18 4
1310 You'll hear a pop and it will all be over. 1.2626 0.05847 99 80 12 7
1311 On the other hand, getting older does have some advantages. 1.2626 0.05094 99 76 20 3
1312 Don’t worry, I’ll pull it out before anything happens. 1.2623 0.04911 122 96 20 6
1313 Just close your eyes and think of Napa Valley. 1.2621 0.05155 103 80 19 4
1314 I've got something to help with your breathing. 1.2621 0.04772 103 78 23 2
1315 It's your alcohol level that I'm actually most concerned about. 1.2621 0.05155 103 80 19 4
1316 Of course you're screwed by your medical insurance, but there's no reason to whine about it. 1.2621 0.05512 103 82 15 6
1317 Don't Worry... You Will Not Feel A Thing. 1.2621 0.05682 103 83 13 7
1318 Tried Ex-Lax? This is way better! Lean over, please. 1.2621 0.05155 103 80 19 4
1319 I'm a pulmonologist and I'm here to help you breathe. 1.2619 0.05648 84 65 16 3
1320 Here, Let me help you uncork your potential 1.2619 0.04533 126 97 25 4
1321 The last time you were here, you were just a bottle of water. Did you get religion? 1.2619 0.05062 126 101 17 8
1322 Someone of your age and complexion - it's to be expected. 1.2617 0.04664 107 81 24 2
1323 Peel your foil and cough for me please. 1.2617 0.04849 107 82 22 3
1324 We're going to need to run a LOT of tests. 1.2615 0.04575 130 101 24 5
1325 Don’t worry, I practiced this procedure frequently in med school. 1.2615 0.04443 130 100 26 4
1326 Just a routine drill and fill. 1.2614 0.05236 88 67 19 2
1327 You might feel a little stick 1.2614 0.05937 88 70 13 5
1328 Let's just say you're going to wish we hadn't aged you so long. 1.2614 0.05713 88 69 15 4
1329 Mr Pino, you had an excellent check up. Not too sweet. Not too dry. We just need to relieve a bit of pressure due to your aging process. 1.2614 0.06153 88 71 11 6
1330 I'd like to keep you overnight for oxidation. 1.2613 0.05386 111 89 15 7
1331 I assure you, Mr. Merlot, this will be a smooth extraction. 1.2613 0.05073 111 87 19 5
1332 Trust me, it's a routine procedure. 1.2613 0.04909 111 86 21 4
1333 It won’t hurt. Stop wining ! 1.2613 0.04909 111 86 21 4
1334 It's just so you can breath. 1.2613 0.05386 111 89 15 7
1335 Let it decant a while before we jump into surgery 1.2613 0.04909 111 86 21 4
1336 I’m about to lose my license to legally practice medicine, but it’ll be worth it. 1.2613 0.05232 111 88 17 6
1337 Don't worry, you'll just feel a little pinch. 1.2612 0.04729 134 106 21 7
1338 You need to open up more. 1.2609 0.05096 92 70 20 2
1339 The good news is that you are not a screw top. 1.2609 0.04636 115 88 24 3
1340 Not all wines are meant to age. 1.2609 0.04636 115 88 24 3
1341 I’m told you’re having trouble opening up. 1.2609 0.04856 92 69 22 1
1342 You can't see the twist ending- it's a real corker. 1.2609 0.04797 115 89 22 4
1343 Come on now, act your age. 1.2609 0.04954 115 90 20 5
1344 Your insurance covers the procedure, but this hospital charges a corking fee ...which I'll waive for a patient of your refinement, Mr Bordeaux. 1.2609 0.06157 92 75 10 7
1345 Don't worry I have the perfect procedure to help you breathe 1.2605 0.04539 119 91 25 3
1346 We'll just need to remove a little fluid from your chest cavity. 1.2604 0.05389 96 75 17 4
1347 Since you couldn’t fill the cup, this is our only option. 1.2604 0.04966 96 73 21 2
1348 Come on, live a little. 1.2602 0.05011 123 98 18 7
1349 We've received your test results, and I'm sorry to say, you're screwed. 1.2602 0.04737 123 96 22 5
1350 Don't Whine 1.2600 0.04845 100 76 22 2
1351 I swear I'll stop at one glass. 1.2600 0.05049 100 77 20 3
1352 I know you're nervous, but in a few twists you'll be able to breathe. 1.2600 0.05049 100 77 20 3
1353 Depends how you define ‘invasive’. 1.2600 0.05617 100 80 14 6
1354 Don't worry, just breathe. 1.2600 0.05245 100 78 18 4
1355 This won’t hurt a bit. Now bend over. 1.2600 0.05617 100 80 14 6
1356 I feel like I'm passed my peak, Doc." "Nonsense, you're in your prime and that's reason to celebrate. 1.2600 0.05617 100 80 14 6
1357 Don’t worry, it’s a simple procedure that should help you breathe. 1.2600 0.05245 100 78 18 4
1358 The prep is the worst part. 1.2600 0.04845 100 76 22 2
1359 Is this your first colonoscopy? 1.2596 0.05291 104 82 17 5
1360 Now just lean forward and cough. 1.2596 0.05633 104 84 13 7
1361 This is not going to hurt a bit. 1.2596 0.05465 104 83 15 6
1362 Congratulations, it’s graduation day. 1.2596 0.05465 104 83 15 6
1363 Open wide and say ‘fwoomp.’ 1.2596 0.05291 104 82 17 5
1364 So, I hear that you're having trouble breathing. 1.2596 0.04926 104 80 21 3
1365 I promise I won't screw you! 1.2596 0.05112 104 81 19 4
1366 It's a simple procedure and then you can breathe. 1.2596 0.05112 104 81 19 4
1367 So, you have trouble breathing. 1.2593 0.06029 81 64 13 4
1368 Nervous? I've got just the thing to open You up! 1.2593 0.04627 108 82 24 2
1369 Let me pick your brain for a minute... 1.2593 0.05158 108 85 18 5
1370 The gold standard is to check your terroir. 1.2593 0.06029 81 64 13 4
1371 Your terroir is good. I'll let you breathe for a while and then I'll check your nose. 1.2589 0.04528 112 85 25 2
1372 Unfortunately your insurance didn't cover the screw top transplant. 1.2589 0.04871 112 87 21 4
1373 Indeed, you are a serious wine, though I'm guessing at this point you'd rather be a screw-off. 1.2589 0.05033 112 88 19 5
1374 The procedure actually has a very high success rate for individuals of your vintage. 1.2589 0.05190 112 89 17 6
1375 All men your age need this procedure. 1.2589 0.05033 112 88 19 5
1376 Hey, it’s five o’clock somewhere 1.2589 0.04871 112 87 21 4
1377 This procedure will really open up the 'real' you! 1.2589 0.05190 112 89 17 6
1378 …but the good news is it’s covered by your insurance plan! 1.2589 0.04871 112 87 21 4
1379 Well, it's sort of like a colonoscopy endoscope ... but with a twist. 1.2588 0.05835 85 67 14 4
1380 I'm afraid I have some bad news... I'm an oenologist, not an oncologist. 1.2588 0.06296 85 69 10 6
1381 This will only hurt for a minute but you're going to make a lot of people happy. 1.2586 0.05066 116 92 18 6
1382 Don’t worry, I’ll feel better when it’s over! 1.2586 0.05354 116 94 14 8
1383 This will only be a small prick. 1.2584 0.05878 89 71 13 5
1384 I can make it so any wine in the world has a good nose. 1.2584 0.05426 89 69 17 3
1385 You have a fine cork to be screwed & it won't hurt a bit. 1.2583 0.04807 120 94 21 5
1386 You're gonna blow your cork when you hear this idea. 1.2583 0.04950 120 95 19 6
1387 Just a quick pinch, then relief! 1.2581 0.05492 93 73 16 4
1388 You seem bottled up. Fear not. Relief is possible. 1.2581 0.04974 124 99 18 7
1389 Don’t worry about size, you can self-anesthetize. 1.2581 0.05048 93 71 20 2
1390 This might hurt. 1.2581 0.05048 93 71 20 2
1391 Don’t worry, this has become a routine procedure for me. 1.2581 0.04974 124 99 18 7
1392 It’s just a minor extraction. 1.2581 0.05492 93 73 16 4
1393 A little something to numb the pain… 1.2581 0.05492 93 73 16 4
1394 At your age,it really would be best to open up 1.2581 0.05048 93 71 20 2
1395 im gonna screw you 1.2581 0.04841 124 98 20 6
1396 You are going to put that where? 1.2581 0.05492 93 73 16 4
1397 It is a minimally invasive proceedure. 1.2577 0.05340 97 76 17 4
1398 Spit it out or else. 1.2577 0.05538 97 77 15 5
1399 I’m afraid your test results showed notes of vanilla… 1.2577 0.05538 97 77 15 5
1400 I'm afraid I have some bad news for you, but some very GOOD news for the monthly hospital board meeting... 1.2574 0.05743 101 82 12 7
1401 We made need a pair of lips to control the bleeding. 1.2574 0.04593 101 76 24 1
1402 Don't be a whiner, it will just be a little pinch! 1.2574 0.05006 101 78 20 3
1403 Let's help you breathe then, shall we? 1.2574 0.05200 101 79 18 4
1404 You have a $15 corkage copay. 1.2574 0.05200 101 79 18 4
1405 We'll have that out in no time! 1.2574 0.05006 101 78 20 3
1406 Let’s talk about your deductible. 1.2574 0.05387 101 80 16 5
1407 We can do this the easy way or the hard way. 1.2571 0.05069 105 82 19 4
1408 The less aggressive option is to be boxed. 1.2571 0.05246 105 83 17 5
1409 Great news, the lab results confirmed that you'll pair nicely with my dinner. 1.2569 0.04772 109 84 22 3
1410 Relax, we just need to air you out a bit! 1.2569 0.04947 109 85 20 4
1411 Let's just get rid of that nasty cork. 1.2569 0.05592 109 89 12 8
1412 You really do not want your life to slowly sip away. 1.2569 0.04772 109 84 22 3
1413 There's just one blockage to clear. 1.2566 0.04833 113 88 21 4
1414 Just relax and bend over. 1.2566 0.05301 113 91 15 7
1415 We just need to draw a little red stuff. 1.2566 0.04993 113 89 19 5
1416 Just sit back and unwind. 1.2566 0.05301 113 91 15 7
1417 I promise that you will breathe easier after this treatment. 1.2566 0.04666 113 87 23 3
1418 I learned this procedure as a young medical student in France. 1.2564 0.06171 78 62 12 4
1419 Do you mind if I bring in some residents to observe? They've only ever opened screw tops. 1.2564 0.05028 117 93 18 6
1420 Don't worry, I am a connoisseur. 1.2564 0.04726 117 91 22 4
1421 I think you'll be amused by my presumption. 1.2562 0.05052 121 97 17 7
1422 No worries - I've done 100s of these procedures! 1.2562 0.04771 121 95 21 5
1423 Your old friend Box O'Wine had no complaints... 1.2561 0.05706 82 64 15 3
1424 We're out...of merlot. 1.2561 0.05706 82 64 15 3
1425 Just trust me, you won't feel a thing 1.2560 0.04806 125 99 20 6
1426 Well it's good news! My next patient is a steak. 1.2560 0.04806 125 99 20 6
1427 Smile! It's a party, and you're invited. 1.2560 0.04806 125 99 20 6
1428 Don't worry. I'm here to help you breathe. 1.2558 0.05774 86 68 14 4
1429 You will feel a small pinch. 1.2558 0.05774 86 68 14 4
1430 If you had a twist cap, the procedure would be completely noninvasive. 1.2558 0.05013 86 65 20 1
1431 No worries - just a jab and some pressure and we’ll get you breathing in no time. 1.2558 0.04832 129 103 19 7
1432 We’ll just drain some excess liquid from your cranium, and you’ll be good as nouveau! 1.2556 0.05600 90 71 15 4
1433 Just a little prick and all that pressure will be gone. 1.2556 0.06030 90 73 11 6
1434 We're just going to take a little sample to prove to the police that your alcohol content is below the legal limit. 1.2556 0.05819 90 72 13 5
1435 We’re just going to pop you into hospital and tidy up your insides” 1.2556 0.05819 90 72 13 5
1436 It’s just as bad on your part, you’re talking to a human❕ 1.2556 0.05373 90 70 17 3
1437 We'll have you breathing feely in no time. 1.2553 0.05226 94 73 18 3
1438 It's a routine procedure 1.2553 0.05226 94 73 18 3
1439 Don't worry. With current recycling laws, you'll be reincarnated in no time. 1.2553 0.05647 94 75 14 5
1440 That smell? Oh, it's just a roast liver with some fava beans, why do you ask...? 1.2553 0.06038 94 77 10 7
1441 I will warn you after two glasses I become a total bitch. 1.2553 0.05440 94 74 16 4
1442 This is going to hurt me, more than it’s going to hurt you. 1.2553 0.05647 94 75 14 5
1443 Your whining because you keep your emotions bottled up. 1.2551 0.05089 98 76 19 3
1444 I wish you'd be more open with me. 1.2551 0.05089 98 76 19 3
1445 Now if you were under 10 bucks a bottle, I wouldn't have made you come in today. 1.2551 0.05487 98 78 15 5
1446 I'm going to help you breathe a little. 1.2551 0.05089 98 76 19 3
1447 Nowadays, cork replacement is a lot more common than you’d think. 1.2551 0.05292 98 77 17 4
1448 It’s just a quick procedure and I promise, we’ll BOTH feel a lot better. 1.2551 0.05676 98 79 13 6
1449 Turn your label and cough 1.2551 0.04878 98 75 21 2
1450 No need to worry, I do this procedure every afternoon at the club. 1.2549 0.05155 102 80 18 4
1451 This will definitely take care of the crick in your neck. 1.2549 0.04963 102 79 20 3
1452 You can trust me, I'm a mixologist. 1.2549 0.04555 102 77 24 1
1453 Of course a corkendectomy is a real medical procedure. 1.2547 0.05027 106 83 19 4
1454 Oh yes, I have a great way to improve your breathing. 1.2547 0.05372 106 85 15 6
1455 It's a simple out-patient procedure...It will free up the tightness and help you breathe much more easily 1.2547 0.05372 106 85 15 6
1456 Shaking in your sentiment, are you? 1.2547 0.05027 106 83 19 4
1457 And you are going to put that WHERE? 1.2547 0.04845 106 82 21 3
1458 This should only take a few seconds. 1.2547 0.05027 106 83 19 4
1459 No, no. That’s just the wine talking. 1.2547 0.04655 106 81 23 2
1460 I take that back. It IS kind of brain surgery for you. 1.2545 0.05074 110 87 18 5
1461 It's the only way to tell if you've gone bad 1.2545 0.04734 110 85 22 3
1462 We're having a little retirement party for Nurse Jenkins. 1.2545 0.05074 110 87 18 5
1463 Okay, it’s time for your corkotomy. 1.2545 0.05236 110 88 16 6
1464 I promise you’ll be able to breathe better after the procedure contest 1.2545 0.04907 110 86 20 4
1465 You just need to breathe, Mr. Malbec. 1.2545 0.05236 110 88 16 6
1466 A routine procedure to release the pressure. 1.2542 0.04990 118 94 18 6
1467 This won't hurt...much. 1.2542 0.04533 118 91 24 3
1468 I hope you're not a twist-top! 1.2542 0.04842 118 93 20 5
1469 Give it 3 years and you should be fine! 1.2542 0.05133 118 95 16 7
1470 Trust me. You won’t feel a thing. 1.2542 0.04371 118 90 26 2
1471 Don't worry. This won't hurt as much as the bill. 1.2541 0.04592 122 95 23 4
1472 Not everything gets better with age, I’m afraid! 1.2541 0.04737 122 96 21 5
1473 Colonoscopy. Why? 1.2532 0.06361 79 64 10 5
1474 You're going to feel a little pinch. 1.2530 0.05645 83 65 15 3
1475 Do you mind if we get started? I've got a 200 lb aged Gouda waiting for me next door. 1.2529 0.05715 87 69 14 4
1476 It's a simple procedure that will help you breathe. 1.2527 0.05321 91 71 17 3
1477 Now, before we do this, I will have to do a blood test. 1.2526 0.05389 95 75 16 4
1478 Just wait till you see your bill! 1.2526 0.05790 95 77 12 6
1479 The good news is we don't need to use the stirrups. 1.2526 0.04956 95 73 20 2
1480 This shouldn’t hurt. You may experience a slight hangover. 1.2526 0.05980 95 78 10 7
1481 No worries, you have already the anesthesia. 1.2526 0.05177 95 74 18 3
1482 Can you please bend over and cough for me. 1.2526 0.05593 95 76 14 5
1483 Breathe, I promise not to screw it up 1.2526 0.05593 95 76 14 5
1484 On the bright side, at least you don't have to wear one of those humiliating paper gowns. 1.2525 0.05979 99 82 9 8
1485 So, Let's talk about that yeast infusion you had about 20 years ago..... 1.2525 0.05624 99 80 13 6
1486 I'll be honest. You're gonna feel a little pinch. 1.2525 0.05245 99 78 17 4
1487 Relax. You won't really feel screwed until you see the size of your co-pay. 1.2525 0.05438 99 79 15 5
1488 C’mon, it’s just your cork. 1.2525 0.05245 99 78 17 4
1489 They call me 'the grapist for' a reason, you know. 1.2524 0.05470 103 83 14 6
1490 While the procedure’s experimental, my colleagues and I feel it will relieve your fear of ships. 1.2524 0.05641 103 84 12 7
1491 This is not exactly brain surgery, but it should relieve the pressure. 1.2524 0.04921 103 80 20 3
1492 You may hear a slightly marvelous popping sound. 1.2523 0.05159 107 85 17 5
1493 Tests would indicate your cork comes out more than once a week. 1.2523 0.04618 107 82 23 2
1494 I highly recommend the procedure for someone your age. 1.2523 0.04805 107 83 21 3
1495 Now bend over, and no whining. 1.2523 0.04985 107 84 19 4
1496 The operation will be quick, painless, and pairs well with ribeye. 1.2523 0.04805 107 83 21 3
1497 In my profession, we consider it unhealthy to keep all that bottled up 1.2523 0.05490 107 87 13 7
1498 Don't whine... it's just a sting. 1.2523 0.04985 107 84 19 4
1499 Now, you’ll feel some slight pressure 1.2523 0.05327 107 86 15 6
1500 The good news is you’ve reached a fine-vintage year… the bad news is that you’ve exceeded your shelf life. 1.2523 0.05349 111 90 14 7
1501 So basically what you're saying is I'm screwed. 1.2523 0.05194 111 89 16 6
1502 It won’t hurt a bit. I really want to get to the bottom of this. 1.2523 0.05034 111 88 18 5
1503 Now, about my fee. 1.2523 0.04868 111 87 20 4
1504 There is a simple procedure I can do to help you breathe. 1.2523 0.04697 111 86 22 3
1505 Alright. Close your eyes. You might feel a slight pinch. 1.2523 0.05034 111 88 18 5
1506 Overall you’re very lively but the hints of apple make us want to do further testing 1.2523 0.05500 111 91 12 8
1507 I think I'm about to be screwed... 1.2522 0.04916 115 91 19 5
1508 Unfortunately, we must lobotomize. 1.2522 0.05069 115 92 17 6
1509 First, the good news: the corkage fee is fully covered by your insurance! 1.2522 0.05217 115 93 15 7
1510 Your labs came back - the good news is those citrus undertones were benign 1.2520 0.04842 123 98 19 6
1511 Stop with the whine! I'll pop that out, and you'll be breathing in no time. 1.2519 0.04888 131 106 17 8
1512 Alright, time for your declogging procedure. 1.2500 0.05423 104 84 14 6
1513 For the next tast--TEST, we'll need to draw some of your fluids. 1.2500 0.05339 96 76 16 4
1514 In fact, many find it to be a pleasurable experience. 1.2500 0.05130 96 75 18 3
1515 Can't we just do a blood test??? 1.2500 0.04830 112 88 20 4
1516 Screwed! 1.2500 0.05585 84 66 15 3
1517 I worked as a sommelier before I got my MD!” 1.2500 0.05339 96 76 16 4
1518 But getting screwed is fun! 1.2500 0.05492 92 73 15 4
1519 Looks like a case of over-fermentation, which can only be cured by immediate cork-removal surgery followed by complete decantation without delay. 1.2500 0.05067 104 82 18 4
1520 Turn your head and cough. 1.2500 0.04879 104 81 20 3
1521 You just need to breathe. 1.2500 0.04994 112 89 18 5
1522 You're going to feel a slight poke 1.2500 0.04766 108 84 21 3
1523 I heard you recently turned 40, Monsieur Rothschild. 1.2500 0.05752 100 82 11 7
1524 Well then, let's get the party started 1.2500 0.04706 128 102 20 6
1525 Don't worry. You won't feel a thing and neither will I. 1.2500 0.04879 104 81 20 3
1526 What?" "I wouldn't dream of screwing you. 1.2500 0.05752 100 82 11 7
1527 Have you ever heard of a corkoscopy? 1.2500 0.06033 80 64 12 4
1528 It's either this or I break your neck off on that countertop over there. 1.2500 0.04879 104 81 20 3
1529 This is going to hurt you a lot more than it hurts me. 1.2500 0.05339 96 76 16 4
1530 This won't hurt. 1.2500 0.04879 116 92 19 5
1531 I’m sorry to report this diagnosis but you’r screwed 1.2500 0.04944 108 85 19 4
1532 The bad news: this’ll hurt for about 30 seconds. The good news: you’ve been invited to a party! 1.2500 0.04807 124 99 19 6
1533 We highly recommend cork screenings for wines aged at least 45 years. 1.2500 0.04944 108 85 19 4
1534 Oh quit your whining… 1.2500 0.05038 92 71 19 2
1535 I'm told you're having a problem with gas. 1.2500 0.05152 112 90 16 6
1536 Let’s get this party started, shall we? 1.2500 0.05389 100 80 15 5
1537 I hope you did a good prep” 1.2500 0.05883 88 71 12 5
1538 I suggest you open up about it. Perhaps with someone who likes you for you. 1.2500 0.05592 104 85 12 7
1539 OK,let's see if I agree with "Dr. Wine Spectator's" diagnosis..... 1.2500 0.05198 100 79 17 4
1540 Just down a little wine beforehand and you'll be feeling no pain. 1.2500 0.06289 80 65 10 5
1541 Don't worry, once I remove the blockage, I'll replace it with a screw top. 1.2500 0.04879 104 81 20 3
1542 Or we can send a home test and you can do it yourself! 1.2500 0.04830 112 88 20 4
1543 We have a new treatment for your condition that's really a corker. 1.2500 0.05283 108 87 15 6
1544 When you hear a pop, feel free to let out a little whine. 1.2500 0.04684 104 80 22 2
1545 I have to warn you,this is going to hurt a bit! 1.2500 0.06033 80 64 12 4
1546 You can stop maturing now. 1.2500 0.05130 96 75 18 3
1547 Don’t worry.I’ll let you breathe. 1.2500 0.04484 112 86 24 2
1548 The tipsier I am, the better I perform. 1.2500 0.05198 100 79 17 4
1549 I’m open to suggestions! 1.2500 0.05339 96 76 16 4
1550 Don’t worry about the procedure, I’ll examine you tastefully. 1.2500 0.06289 80 65 10 5
1551 You might hear a slight popping sound. 1.2500 0.05270 92 72 17 3
1552 A frontal lobotomy... I mean a bottle in front of me. Why, yes. Let's have a look. 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
1553 Frankly I don’t care what your rating is. Table 33 has asked for you to be fully decanted. 1.2500 0.06536 80 66 8 6
1554 And your insurance covers the corkage charge! 1.2500 0.04766 108 84 21 3
1555 I need you to open up. 1.2481 0.04267 129 100 26 3
1556 You're going to get screwed 1.2480 0.04773 125 100 19 6
1557 You’re not getting screwed….This is a fulfillment of your life’s work! 1.2479 0.04588 121 95 22 4
1558 It's a completely normal procedure for an Vintage 1975. 1.2479 0.04687 117 92 21 4
1559 Bend over. This won't hurt a bit. 1.2478 0.04792 113 89 20 4
1560 bend over we need to let it breath it will be over before you know it 1.2478 0.04792 113 89 20 4
1561 I have good news! You and your family are part of an intriguing new case study. 1.2478 0.04954 113 90 18 5
1562 Mind if I check your tannins? 1.2477 0.04544 109 84 23 2
1563 The good news is that you're perfectly healthy. The bad news is that I have to remove your sulfates in the morning. 1.2477 0.05074 109 87 17 5
1564 Finally my love of practicing medicine and drinking wine have morphed into one. 1.2477 0.04904 109 86 19 4
1565 Your condition is very common to bottled wine. I’ve got just the thing for it! 1.2477 0.04728 109 85 21 3
1566 I am confident that this will finally fix your chronic headaches. 1.2476 0.05024 105 83 18 4
1567 This would be easier if you were a screw top. 1.2476 0.05024 105 83 18 4
1568 What you’ll feel is technically not pain, just intense pressure 1.2476 0.04838 105 82 20 3
1569 "Well, aren't you an impertinent little red!" 1.2475 0.04956 101 79 19 3
1570 Yes, you've aged well. That's exactly why we do this exam. 1.2475 0.05341 101 81 15 5
1571 Trust me, I'm a sommelier. 1.2475 0.05152 101 80 17 4
1572 At your vintage annual checkups get a little more involved. 1.2475 0.05152 101 80 17 4
1573 I assure you, there are no pain receptors in the cork. 1.2475 0.05341 101 81 15 5
1574 Relax. You have a large cork and I will be very gentle with my corkscrew. 1.2475 0.05152 101 80 17 4
1575 So you're having trouble breathing? 1.2475 0.04752 101 78 21 2
1576 It's just gas...it'll pass! 1.2475 0.05152 101 80 17 4
1577 Come on,you mean you never been screwed before? 1.2475 0.05152 101 80 17 4
1578 Based on your exam, it looks you need glasses. 1.2475 0.05152 101 80 17 4
1579 Ready for your big day ? 1.2475 0.05152 101 80 17 4
1580 Now that I have a bottle in front of me, I will be performing a frontal lobotomy 1.2475 0.04956 101 79 19 3
1581 A sampling? I thought you were just going to take my temperature. 1.2475 0.04752 101 78 21 2
1582 I need to let off a little pressure to get rid of your headache. 1.2474 0.04867 97 75 20 2
1583 No need to worry! This is a routine procedure once you reach a certain age. 1.2474 0.05682 97 79 12 6
1584 You'll feel a little pinch, but don't worry, I've done this hundreds of times. 1.2474 0.05083 97 76 18 3
1585 You had some questions about the case study? 1.2474 0.04867 97 75 20 2
1586 Okay. Just breathe. 1.2474 0.05290 97 77 16 4
1587 Good news, your corkage fee is covered. 1.2474 0.05290 97 77 16 4
1588 It’s either this or a tube down your throat. 1.2473 0.05439 93 74 15 4
1589 This won’t hurt a bit It will just relieve the pressure and some of my - er - your! stress. 1.2473 0.04991 93 72 19 2
1590 Wine Bottle: I have a feeling I'm about to get screwed in this deal. 1.2473 0.05853 93 76 11 6
1591 This is really going to pop your cork! 1.2473 0.05220 93 73 17 3
1592 Relax. Think of it as a celebration of your fine vintage, not as a final pour. 1.2472 0.05367 89 70 16 3
1593 It's just an obstruction, easily removed right here and now. 1.2472 0.05600 89 71 14 4
1594 Great news! It’s just a minor blockage. 1.2472 0.05600 89 71 14 4
1595 Yes, Ms Winegarden, you ARE impacted. But the good news is that we have a foolproof treatment. 1.2472 0.05824 89 72 12 5
1596 Your HMO has a very simple procedure to deal with that blockage. 1.2472 0.05367 89 70 16 3
1597 She asked me to demonstrate an effective breathing technique 1.2472 0.05824 89 72 12 5
1598 Relax, This won’t hurt much. 1.2471 0.05775 85 68 13 4
1599 It's painless, but it may leave you with an empty feeling" 1.2471 0.05268 85 66 17 2
1600 Sooooo... I'm not so sure I agree with you that Doctors are the only ones getting screwed by the government these days! 1.2471 0.06013 85 69 11 5
1601 I'm going to reduce the swelling in your cork. There'll be a pop, then relief. 1.2468 0.05594 77 60 15 2
1602 Not to worry, it's much easier than a colonoscopy. 1.2460 0.04319 126 98 25 3
1603 Lucky for you, I perform this procedure nightly. 1.2458 0.04953 118 95 17 6
1604 This procedure should help you breathe 1.2458 0.04953 118 95 17 6
1605 "Trust me. Soon, you'll breathe like never before!" 1.2456 0.04915 114 91 18 5
1606 Let's just take a little look, shall we?" 1.2456 0.05071 114 92 16 6
1607 Don't worry, I'm in your HMO 1.2455 0.05033 110 88 17 5
1608 On the bright side, we might get an A&E series out of this. 1.2455 0.05196 110 89 15 6
1609 It was a bad year. No matter what, you're screwed. 1.2455 0.05033 110 88 17 5
1610 You may need a shot after this. 1.2455 0.04865 110 87 19 4
1611 Sounds like some fresh air may help. 1.2455 0.04509 110 85 23 2
1612 I assure you, I studied at the finest school in Bordeaux. 1.2453 0.05159 106 85 16 5
1613 If we're unable to get everything out, we'll close you up, put you in the refrigerator, and try again tomorrow. 1.2453 0.05330 106 86 14 6
1614 I promise, YOU won't feel a thing. 1.2453 0.04982 106 84 18 4
1615 You look sad. Let's uncork you and double-check for sour grapes. 1.2453 0.05159 106 85 16 5
1616 Sorry, but I have to test for cork taint. 1.2453 0.04798 106 83 20 3
1617 You’ll be allowed to breathe for a few minutes after the procedure. 1.2453 0.04982 106 84 18 4
1618 I know you feel bottled up, but this will help you breathe. 1.2453 0.04798 106 83 20 3
1619 You may feel some slight pressure… 1.2453 0.04982 106 84 18 4
1620 Relax. Just breathe. 1.2451 0.04712 102 79 21 2
1621 I was told you need help breathing. 1.2451 0.04914 102 80 19 3
1622 I think I can help you breathe easier… 1.2451 0.05107 102 81 17 4
1623 Now you might feel a slight prick. 1.2449 0.04824 98 76 20 2
1624 No, you're not screwed at all! 1.2449 0.05037 98 77 18 3
1625 Let's relieve some pressure. 1.2449 0.05439 98 79 14 5
1626 You're lucky I'm not a proctologist! 1.2449 0.05439 98 79 14 5
1627 Relax. This should ease some of the pressure you’re feeling. 1.2449 0.05242 98 78 16 4
1628 Tip your neck and pop for me, please! 1.2449 0.04824 98 76 20 2
1629 Just relax. I have a procedure in mind that will help you breathe more easily. 1.2449 0.04601 98 75 22 1
1630 This will relieve the pressure. 1.2447 0.05171 94 74 17 3
1631 You have an exquisite yet uncomplicated nose. 1.2447 0.04944 94 73 19 2
1632 No worries. I promise not to screw this up. 1.2447 0.05387 94 75 15 4
1633 The good news is that it only hurts in a clockwise direction. 1.2447 0.05796 94 77 11 6
1634 Relax. It won’t get anywhere near your cork. 1.2447 0.05171 94 74 17 3
1635 Trust me, you'll breathe a lot easier after this procedure. 1.2447 0.05171 94 74 17 3
1636 You might feel a little pop with this one. 1.2444 0.05074 90 70 18 2
1637 Don't worry, I hit many a bottle in completing my fellowship in Pinot-ology. 1.2444 0.05314 90 71 16 3
1638 I've done this at home but never bat work 1.2442 0.05214 86 67 17 2
1639 You say you were born in 1982? And you pronounce your name Chateau Lafite? 1.2442 0.05949 86 70 11 5
1640 Lie down on your right side, this won’t hurt, we do offer earplugs should you not want to hear anything 1.2442 0.05715 86 69 13 4
1641 I think you’re aging very well, but I’d like to test your tannin level to be sure." 1.2442 0.05470 86 68 15 3
1642 Open up and say...ahh! 1.2442 0.05470 86 68 15 3
1643 You may feel some discomfort. 1.2442 0.05214 86 67 17 2
1644 This will relieve the pressure you've been keeping bottled up inside. 1.2442 0.05470 86 68 15 3
1645 You may feel a little tug. 1.2439 0.05366 82 64 16 2
1646 Have you ever secretly fantasized about being uncorked? 1.2439 0.04522 123 97 22 4
1647 You may feel just a slight amount of pressure. 1.2439 0.06150 82 67 10 5
1648 I just need to take a small sample to send to the lab for tasting--I mean testing. 1.2437 0.04460 119 93 23 3
1649 Every bottle of your vintage needs to get one. 1.2437 0.05059 119 97 15 7
1650 It's quick office procedure, but you'll be able to breathe afterwards. 1.2437 0.04769 119 95 19 5
1651 We have the newest technology! This will be over before you know it. 1.2435 0.04553 115 90 22 3
1652 It's time to see just how amusing, yet seriously full-bodied you really are. 1.2435 0.05326 115 95 12 8
1653 Why yes, today is a special occasion. 1.2432 0.04653 111 87 21 3
1654 If you think this is going to screw you, wait till you see the bill. 1.2432 0.04286 111 85 25 1
1655 This is going to blow your mind. 1.2432 0.05154 111 90 15 6
1656 I’ll start by exploring your body. 1.2430 0.04372 107 82 24 1
1657 No, you're not screwed...yet. 1.2430 0.05285 107 87 14 6
1658 Please Doctor, I need more time; I'm barrel aged. 1.2430 0.04940 107 85 18 4
1659 I'm from the government and I'm here to help you. 1.2427 0.05426 103 84 13 6
1660 First, the good news--we don't charge a corkage fee. 1.2427 0.05248 103 83 15 5
1661 It may hurt for a moment, but you'll breathe so much better after the procedure 1.2427 0.04672 103 80 21 2
1662 We'll get to the bottom of this, no matter how long it takes, 1.2427 0.05063 103 82 17 4
1663 No worries! I'll just be checking for any impurities. 1.2427 0.04871 103 81 19 3
1664 Hey, at least it's not a colonoscopy. 1.2427 0.04672 103 80 21 2
1665 Of course I don’t take pleasure in this, that’s not why I’m a surgeon 1.2427 0.04871 103 81 19 3
1666 I promise. Just a tiny pinch and you'll be screwed. 1.2424 0.05390 99 80 14 5
1667 I just need. to see your legs 1.2424 0.05195 99 79 16 4
1668 you're coming home with me 1.2424 0.05195 99 79 16 4
1669 The irony is we need to remove it to prove you're full bodied. 1.2422 0.04259 128 100 25 3
1670 'My records indicate it's time for your bleu shot.' 1.2421 0.05337 95 76 15 4
1671 They say "you can't find happiness at the bottom of a bottle"... but I'm a pediatrician, not a psychiatrist. 1.2421 0.05337 95 76 15 4
1672 When all you have is a corkscrew, every problem seems like a cork. 1.2421 0.05122 95 75 17 3
1673 You should already be numb. 1.2421 0.05542 95 77 13 5
1674 I've never had the chance to go in from the top before. 1.2421 0.05122 95 75 17 3
1675 ‘Veritas vos liberat.’ But since you’re a California wine, I’ll translate. ‘The truth will set you free.’ Now bend over! 1.2421 0.05542 95 77 13 5
1676 Let’s get to know each other better, shall we? 1.2421 0.05122 95 75 17 3
1677 Looks like your insurance doesn’t cover the noninvasive procedure. 1.2421 0.04899 95 74 19 2
1678 Would you like to screw? 1.2419 0.04490 124 98 22 4
1679 The nurse said you had a look of terror on your face, but I explained that it’s actually ‘terroir’. 1.2419 0.04908 124 101 16 7
1680 What a coincidence! I asked for a bottle in front of me and you asked for a frontal lobotomy. 1.2418 0.05708 91 74 12 5
1681 This procedure will feel the same as getting my bill. 1.2418 0.05263 91 72 16 3
1682 I need proof of your blood type. 1.2418 0.05263 91 72 16 3
1683 I understand you’re a little stopped up. 1.2418 0.05025 91 71 18 2
1684 I’ve had some whiny patients but this is ridiculous! 1.2418 0.05025 91 71 18 2
1685 We only need a small sample-you don’t need to fill up the whole cup. 1.2418 0.05263 91 72 16 3
1686 No wonder you look so red and feeling stuffed . Might do you well to open up now. 1.2418 0.05708 91 74 12 5
1687 Is there any chance you could be pregnant? 1.2417 0.04879 120 97 17 6
1688 You'll have the same great taste, and be less filling. 1.2417 0.05020 120 98 15 7
1689 I have a sure cure for your stopped up feeling. 1.2417 0.04427 120 94 23 3
1690 Happy to say there's no need for colonoscopy. 1.2414 0.04839 116 93 18 5
1691 Just remember to breathe. 1.2414 0.05414 87 69 15 3
1692 It's not going to hurt . I use vocal anesthesia 1.2414 0.05414 87 69 15 3
1693 Don’t get the wrong idea. First I will slit your neck. 1.2414 0.05414 87 69 15 3
1694 The Good News - I can help you lose that weight! 1.2414 0.04350 116 90 24 2
1695 Not to worry. This little tool will help you breathe easier. 1.2411 0.04952 112 90 17 5
1696 We'll get rid of that blockage- but first, close your eyes. 1.2411 0.04952 112 90 17 5
1697 I promise you won't even feel it. 1.2411 0.04438 112 87 23 2
1698 A virgin? At your age? 1.2411 0.05112 112 91 15 6
1699 This low-risk procedure will help you breathe better. 1.2411 0.04952 112 90 17 5
1700 Relax. We’re just going to do a minor extraction so you can breathe 1.2411 0.04438 112 87 23 2
1701 Rest assured, I’ve done this many, many times. 1.2410 0.05579 83 66 14 3
1702 It would be quicker if you were a screwtop 1.2410 0.05836 83 67 12 4
1703 Everyone in my department has volunteered to help analyze the results of your exploratory surgery. 1.2410 0.05579 83 66 14 3
1704 Just a minor procedure… and then I’ll tell you how I’m feeling in the morning. 1.2407 0.04337 108 83 24 1
1705 Don't worry, all you'll feel is a little corkscrew. 1.2407 0.05073 108 87 16 5
1706 Trouble breathing? Trust me; I know just what to do. 1.2405 0.05758 79 63 13 3
1707 You know the drill.” 1.2405 0.05758 79 63 13 3
1708 I need to take a sample...for medicinal purposes. 1.2404 0.05020 104 83 17 4
1709 Don't be alarmed, Mr. Merlot, it's just a quick twist to help your inner notes flourish. 1.2404 0.05020 104 83 17 4
1710 'Open your mouth, please.' 1.2404 0.04427 104 80 23 1
1711 Let's get you opened up. 1.2400 0.04948 100 79 18 3
1712 The tests are clear. It will all have to come out. 1.2400 0.05148 100 80 16 4
1713 I guess I could give you a local first, but I don't want to disturb the tannins. 1.2400 0.04948 100 79 18 3
1714 The good news is you're still in your prime. 1.2400 0.04740 100 78 20 2
1715 You'll feel much better once the pressure is equalized! 1.2400 0.04740 100 78 20 2
1716 The good news is, you're perfect, the bad news is, it's Dr's Hatchers retirement party tonight." 1.2400 0.05341 100 81 14 5
1717 Believe me, this will help you breath 1.2400 0.04948 100 79 18 3
1718 Don’t worry you’ll only feel a little pressure. 1.2400 0.04948 100 79 18 3
1719 You’ll feel a slight pinch, and then I’ll feel all better 1.2400 0.04522 100 77 22 1
1720 No need to worry, this is the procedure I often use to help with fluid retention issues. 1.2400 0.05148 100 80 16 4
1721 That doesn't look like my Covid shot to me! 1.2396 0.05287 96 77 15 4
1722 Wine makes good blood" , the doctor tells the bottle 1.2396 0.05287 96 77 15 4
1723 Ah Malbec, tannins again. What say we extract a few milliliters and rid you of those pesky invaders once and for all. 1.2396 0.05075 96 76 17 3
1724 This next test is recommended when you reach this aged. 1.2396 0.05490 96 78 13 5
1725 ...and then I'll ask you to cough. 1.2396 0.05490 96 78 13 5
1726 I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy. But as for you, my friend. 1.2391 0.05212 92 73 16 3
1727 So we just need a little sample for tasting - I mean, testing. 1.2391 0.05436 92 74 14 4
1728 Don't worry Mr. Merlot, you will just feel a pinch, some pressure and a small pop. 1.2391 0.05436 92 74 14 4
1729 I have grape news! 1.2391 0.04731 92 71 20 1
1730 At your age, it’s important we make sure you can breathe. 1.2391 0.05212 92 73 16 3
1731 I'm afraid it's consumption, and nothing can be done about it. 1.2391 0.04731 92 71 20 1
1732 I'll need to send some routine lab tastes, I mean tests. 1.2391 0.05212 92 73 16 3
1733 You might feel a slight pin prick. 1.2391 0.05212 92 73 16 3
1734 You may feel a pit of pressure. 1.2391 0.05859 92 76 10 6
1735 You are going you need to breathe for about an hour before I take a sample. 1.2389 0.05071 113 92 15 6
1736 No, no, you're fine wine. I just think you need to breathe a little. 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
1737 Relax, I've practically made a career doing this. 1.2386 0.04847 88 68 19 1
1738 Look, your parents didn't send you to Napa for summer camp. 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
1739 Just close your eyes and think of France. 1.2386 0.05110 88 69 17 2
1740 I promise you’ll only feel a tiny prick! 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
1741 I'm glad you came to me. Any other doctor might have thought you were a screw-top. 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
1742 Since you're a beaujolais nouveau, I moved up your day of surgery. 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
1743 You might have a bit of a headache after .. or I might! 1.2386 0.04847 88 68 19 1
1744 This should take the pressure off, no worries 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
1745 Don't worry. This procedure has been used for centuries and all parties have enjoyed the results. 1.2385 0.04681 109 86 20 3
1746 I'll just need to run a few tastes...I mean TESTS! 1.2385 0.04859 109 87 18 4
1747 Good news, you're in the "peak" of health. Bad news, I'm an alcoholic." 1.2381 0.05773 84 68 12 4
1748 There are medications, but I recommend we try decanting... 1.2381 0.05158 105 85 15 5
1749 You won't feel a thing 1.2381 0.05773 84 68 12 4
1750 I have a screwy suggestion. 1.2381 0.05253 84 66 16 2
1751 ”Coilonoscopy 1.2381 0.04594 105 82 21 2
1752 Cheer up my friend. I mastered this procedure my first week in med school. 1.2381 0.05519 84 67 14 3
1753 I perform this procedure for special occasions. 1.2381 0.04594 105 82 21 2
1754 This won’t hurt you as much as it will damage them 1.2381 0.04789 105 83 19 3
1755 you will be able to breath much better after the procedure 1.2376 0.04699 101 79 20 2
1756 I promise you will feel a sudden release of pressure as soon as I am done! 1.2376 0.05293 101 82 14 5
1757 Don’t worry: in a little while none of us will feel any pain. 1.2376 0.04699 101 79 20 2
1758 45 year port, you say? 1.2376 0.05477 101 83 12 6
1759 A bottle a day keeps the doctor at bay 1.2376 0.04905 101 80 18 3
1760 The good news is we have a solution for your congestion, the bad news…. 1.2376 0.05293 101 82 14 5
1761 Don’t worry, this was my specialty in medical school. 1.2375 0.05694 80 64 13 3
1762 Trust me. I do this to everyone I see. 1.2375 0.05694 80 64 13 3
1763 Feeling all stopped up, are we? 1.2375 0.05409 80 63 15 2
1764 First I'll remove the blockage and then I'll remove the toxins inside you. 1.2375 0.05694 80 65 13 3
1765 You’re about to get totally screwed. 1.2375 0.05409 80 63 15 2
1766 Think of it as a kind of constipation. Only more delicious. 1.2375 0.05694 80 64 13 3
1767 Yes, yes, but we all need to breathe. 1.2375 0.05694 80 64 13 3
1768 Don’t worry. Your headache will be gone in no time. 1.2375 0.05108 80 62 17 1
1769 Yes I AM a proctologist and have I got a treat for You! 1.2375 0.05694 80 64 13 3
1770 I believe I have something for your headache and my own. 1.2371 0.05029 97 77 17 3
1771 Don't be a baby, its just a little prick. 1.2371 0.05238 97 78 15 4
1772 Relax! It'll just help you breathe better. 1.2371 0.05029 97 77 17 3
1773 Let's begin with a little exercise to open you up. 1.2371 0.05029 97 77 17 3
1774 It’s finally coming true - I’m going to perform a frontal lobotomy on the bottle in front of me. 1.2371 0.05633 97 80 11 6
1775 You'll just feel a tug. Promise. 1.2368 0.05884 76 61 12 3
1776 Try thinking of it this way: YOUR life expectancy just doubled! 1.2368 0.05578 76 60 14 2
1777 Believe me, it’s a lot better than a frontal lobotomy. 1.2368 0.04712 114 91 19 4
1778 I promise it will blow your mind. 1.2366 0.05162 93 74 16 3
1779 Look on the bright side. You've been paired." 1.2366 0.05162 93 74 16 3
1780 Well, yes. It’s kind of like an enema. 1.2366 0.05162 93 74 16 3
1781 Don't worry. I'm well-versed in this procedure. I just got back from a symposium in the Napa Valley. 1.2366 0.05596 93 76 12 5
1782 Wait! I don't have insurance. What's your corkage fee? 1.2366 0.05383 93 75 14 4
1783 Don’t worry, we’ll seal you in a plastic bag for the ride home. 1.2366 0.05383 93 75 14 4
1784 I'm going to do you a good turn. 1.2366 0.05383 93 75 14 4
1785 Not to worry. This is a routine procedure. 1.2364 0.04990 110 89 16 5
1786 It depends on how you define mildly invasive. 1.2364 0.04820 110 88 18 4
1787 For a vintage such as yours, we’ll need to test a few samples. 1.2364 0.04990 110 89 16 5
1788 You’ll be feeling bubbly in no time.” 1.2360 0.05541 89 72 13 4
1789 Don't worry, it's a routine procedure at your age 1.2360 0.05305 89 71 15 3
1790 It's called a corkonoscopy. 1.2360 0.04800 89 69 19 1
1791 A bad headache in the morning is likely but won’t feel a thing tonight. 1.2360 0.05305 89 71 15 3
1792 Unfortunately, this is the only procedure your insurance will cover. 1.2360 0.05305 89 71 15 3
1793 It’s like arthroscopic surgery, but with a twist. 1.2360 0.05541 89 72 13 4
1794 The procedure will be painless and you will be able to really breathe. Then I'd like you to join me and a friend for dinner. 1.2360 0.05767 89 73 11 5
1795 you said something it was something about your legs? 1.2360 0.05305 89 71 15 3
1796 No need to worry, the procedure is simple. The hard part was getting the oversized novelty wine glasses into the OR. 1.2360 0.05305 89 71 15 3
1797 Don't be nervous. Think of the number of lives you're going to save. 1.2358 0.05114 106 86 15 5
1798 Relax! I just want to take a small sample. 1.2358 0.04935 106 85 17 4
1799 This should take the pressure off your head ache. 1.2353 0.04445 102 79 22 1
1800 This will hurt you more than it will me. 1.2353 0.04862 102 81 18 3
1801 What did you say your age was again? 1.2353 0.04862 102 81 18 3
1802 I promise, you are not getting screwed here! 1.2353 0.05712 85 69 12 4
1803 Trust me. Life does this to all of us. 1.2353 0.04658 102 80 20 2
1804 It’s a simple procedure I like to call a lobottlemy. 1.2353 0.05198 85 67 16 2
1805 Given your middling vintage and provenance, a second opinion is not needed. 1.2353 0.05712 85 69 12 4
1806 Trust me, I would never screw you. 1.2353 0.05461 85 68 14 3
1807 Sure, there is a blood test, but I prefer the more traditional approach. 1.2353 0.05246 102 83 14 5
1808 I need you to turn your cork and cough. 1.2353 0.04445 102 79 22 1
1809 I assure you, the procedure won't hurt a bit. 1.2353 0.05058 102 82 16 4
1810 Just look down and cough for me. 1.2353 0.04922 85 66 18 1
1811 The corkage fee - er,co-pay is $25 1.2353 0.05428 102 84 12 6
1812 Just gonna take a little off the top 1.2353 0.04445 102 79 22 1
1813 I thought an oenologist was a wine doctor! 1.2353 0.04862 102 81 18 3
1814 Craniotomy a well-established procedure to relieve pressure and increase oxygen saturation. 1.2348 0.04991 115 94 15 6
1815 So what your saying doc, is that no matter what I do, I’m screwed 1.2348 0.04676 115 92 19 4
1816 "This simple procedure will tell us if tannic acid is your problem." 1.2347 0.04983 98 78 17 3
1817 This will screw me up more than you. 1.2347 0.05190 98 79 15 4
1818 It stings at first, but after a few sips I should be fine 1.2347 0.04983 98 78 17 3
1819 Don't worry, I've done this before. You'll be empty in no time 1.2347 0.04983 98 78 17 3
1820 Well hello again, Jim! I was delighted to see your name on my schedule for 5 o’clock. 1.2347 0.05190 98 79 15 4
1821 You have nothing to worry about. I never drink on the job. 1.2346 0.05630 81 65 13 3
1822 Now , Mr. Lottlebottle, THIS won't hurt Y O U at AALLL 1.2346 0.05349 81 64 15 2
1823 Great news! You know that pressure you felt building...? 1.2346 0.05349 81 64 15 2
1824 Yes, it's a simple procedure to relive the pressure you are feeling. 1.2346 0.05898 81 66 11 4
1825 This might seem a little invasive but I promise it’’ll help you breathe… 1.2342 0.04607 111 88 20 3
1826 Now close your eyes, and just breathe. 1.2340 0.05745 94 78 10 6
1827 Ready for your colonoscopy, Mr. Vino? 1.2340 0.05542 94 77 12 5
1828 This doesn't augur well 1.2340 0.05332 94 76 14 4
1829 « The older you get,the better you are ! » 1.2340 0.04884 94 74 18 2
1830 Just close your eyes and I'll get you uncorked. 1.2340 0.05113 94 75 16 3
1831 We can’t know what we’re dealing with until I open you up. 1.2340 0.04884 94 74 18 2
1832 Lobottlemies are nothing to be scared of Mr. Noir, this technique is just slightly more direct 1.2340 0.05332 94 76 14 4
1833 Drink no wine before it's time" Well, it's your time big boy 1.2338 0.06102 77 63 10 4
1834 Afterwards you can rest in the cheese ward. 1.2338 0.04855 77 59 18 0
1835 I'll screw you if I can then drink you! 1.2338 0.05514 77 61 14 2
1836 The good news is you'll finally get out of the cellar. 1.2338 0.06376 77 64 8 5
1837 You know, sometimes nothing beats the good ol' fashioned way to help you breathe your best! You'll be feeling balanced in no time! 1.2336 0.04893 107 86 17 4
1838 In a moment you’re going to feel a little pressure… 1.2336 0.04893 107 86 17 4
1839 Your psychiatrist and I agree; its time for you to open up. 1.2333 0.05923 90 75 9 6
1840 The good news is you don't have to see a proctologist. 1.2333 0.05009 90 71 17 2
1841 This won't hurt nearly as much as my corkage fee, ha ha ha. 1.2333 0.05009 90 71 17 2
1842 It's easier than a colonoscopy. 1.2333 0.05253 90 72 15 3
1843 Is it safe? 1.2333 0.05485 90 73 13 4
1844 Many of my patients live long productive lives without their corks. 1.2333 0.05253 90 72 15 3
1845 Doc, are you trying to screw me? 1.2333 0.05253 90 72 15 3
1846 It's a new procedure I developed. I'm gonna have to "bottlomize" you. 1.2331 0.04386 133 107 21 5
1847 This is a common procedure for your age. 1.2330 0.05200 103 84 14 5
1848 There's really not a dignified way to do this. Try to relax 1.2330 0.05200 103 84 14 5
1849 I can help you breathe better. 1.2330 0.04820 103 82 18 3
1850 ''Want to hear a corker?" 1.2330 0.05014 103 83 16 4
1851 You will find it much easier to breathe after the procedure is completed 1.2330 0.05200 103 84 14 5
1852 I promise you'll enjoy the POP and you'll be able to breath! 1.2330 0.05200 103 84 14 5
1853 Don't worry, this is an outpatient procedure that I have performed countless times. And you won't feel a thing! 1.2330 0.05014 103 83 16 4
1854 You’ll just feel a little stick. 1.2330 0.04820 103 82 18 3
1855 Once that cork is loosened, we’ll both be happy! 1.2330 0.05014 103 83 16 4
1856 Once you have your new screw cap, you won’t remember a thing. 1.2330 0.04618 103 81 20 2
1857 Just relax, I can see you’re the type who thinks the glass is half empty 1.2329 0.06327 73 60 9 4
1858 And afterward we’ll insert a model sailing ship so that you never have to go through this again! 1.2328 0.04798 116 94 17 5
1859 WE JUST NEED TO CHECK FOR SEDIMENT 1.2326 0.05404 86 69 14 3
1860 I see your file says you were born in a particularly good year. 1.2326 0.05404 86 69 14 3
1861 I have a solution to that anxiety you're bottling up. 1.2326 0.05889 86 71 10 5
1862 Your first colonoscopy, M. Claret? 1.2326 0.05145 86 68 16 2
1863 Margaret, push back my 10 o'clock with Ms Coffee would you?" 1.2326 0.05404 86 69 14 3
1864 Just think of it as your last COVID stick! 1.2326 0.05652 86 70 12 4
1865 The decapitation is over in 20 seconds , but you may continue to breathe for about an hour. 1.2326 0.05404 86 69 14 3
1866 You're constipated ... I can fix that! 1.2326 0.05404 86 69 14 3
1867 So I've got something here that I think will help you breathe. 1.2326 0.04582 86 66 20 0
1868 I understand you’re having trouble with your breathing 1.2326 0.05145 86 68 16 2
1869 Dont worry, after we take care of the problem in your neck you’ll have the legs you always dreamed of. 1.2326 0.05889 86 71 10 5
1870 I have just the remedy for both of us. 1.2326 0.05145 86 68 16 2
1871 You are my first Bordeaux 1.2326 0.05404 86 69 14 3
1872 CHEERS! 1.2326 0.05404 86 69 14 3
1873 Once we get this cork out I'll feel much better delivering the bad news. 1.2326 0.04582 86 66 20 0
1874 I need you to just breathe normally for me. 1.2323 0.05142 99 80 15 4
1875 Just one more test and you're free to go. 1.2323 0.04501 99 77 21 1
1876 (This cartoon doesn't need a caption. Perfect as is. That's my entry.) 1.2323 0.04938 99 79 17 3
1877 Don’t worry, it’s a very standard procedure. 1.2323 0.04938 99 79 17 3
1878 Side effects may include lightheadedness 1.2323 0.04938 99 79 17 3
1879 Better out than in! 1.2323 0.04938 99 79 17 3
1880 I'll remove the cause, but not the symptom! 1.2323 0.04501 99 77 21 1
1881 Now if you will wait, I shall perform surgery on your cork. 1.2323 0.05142 99 80 15 4
1882 You'll anesthetize us both so we won't feel a thing. 1.2321 0.04743 112 90 18 4
1883 What do you think this is, a Pixar movie? 1.2317 0.05569 82 66 13 3
1884 I see from your chart that you are a splendid vintage. 1.2317 0.05291 82 65 15 2
1885 Don't worry. The more you age, the more people will love you. 1.2317 0.06086 82 68 9 5
1886 I understand you don't have a living will. 1.2317 0.05833 82 67 11 4
1887 Doc, think of all of the health benefits I can provide. 1.2317 0.05291 82 65 15 2
1888 You'll be pleased to know we don't use leeches anymore! 1.2317 0.05569 82 66 13 3
1889 Trust me. A simple procedure and your Complexity will be Released to World. For the Acclaim you Truthfully, Socially, deserve . . 1.2316 0.05065 95 76 16 3
1890 Prepare for a full body examination. 1.2316 0.05065 95 76 16 3
1891 You want to be able to breath properly, right? 1.2316 0.05281 95 77 14 4
1892 Headache? I have the cure. 1.2315 0.04671 108 86 19 3
1893 Oh, this little thing? It should allow you to breathe easier. 1.2315 0.04671 108 86 19 3
1894 Have you fasted for 24 hours? 1.2314 0.04354 121 96 22 3
1895 I go in from the top, so don't worry. 1.2308 0.05431 91 74 13 4
1896 You look like you could use a breather. 1.2308 0.05201 91 73 15 3
1897 Think of it as relieving your pent-up inner spirit. 1.2308 0.04371 104 81 22 1
1898 Yeah, pretty good thanks. Yourself? 1.2308 0.05863 91 76 9 6
1899 And my bill will do something similar to you! 1.2308 0.05431 91 74 13 4
1900 Its not good for you to keep this all bottled up inside. 1.2308 0.05451 78 62 14 2
1901 Have you been feeling bottled up? 1.2308 0.04779 104 83 18 3
1902 I'm just going to remove a little blockage. 1.2308 0.04961 91 72 17 2
1903 Loose corks are my specialty. 1.2308 0.04708 91 71 19 1
1904 Looks like it's time for your annual uncorking. 1.2308 0.04579 104 82 20 2
1905 You're in luck: a small trepanation then a large transfusion and we'll both be feeling a lot better. 1.2308 0.05201 91 73 15 3
1906 The only side effect is feeling a little drained. 1.2308 0.04970 104 84 16 4
1907 nothing to worry about...be over before you know we unscrewed you 1.2308 0.04761 117 95 17 5
1908 You’re going to feel a little prick then I’ll start to feel woozy. 1.2308 0.05651 91 75 11 5
1909 Open your mouth and show me those big grapes! We will round those tannins in the least painless way 1.2308 0.06301 78 65 8 5
1910 Well, once you reach a certain vintage, this procedure really is for the best. 1.2301 0.04705 113 91 18 4
1911 Think of it as a quick neck adjustment that'll have your juices flowing again in no time. 1.2301 0.05030 113 93 14 6
1912 I can solve all your problems in just a matter of wine- I mean time 1.2300 0.04462 100 78 21 1
1913 Doc, primum non nocere 1.2300 0.04683 100 79 19 2
1914 But I don't want to be screwed 1.2300 0.04683 100 79 19 2
1915 No one said weight loss is painless. 1.2300 0.05096 100 81 15 4
1916 Just wait till you need a colonoscopy! 1.2300 0.04683 100 79 19 2
1917 I'm going to need to refer you to a sommelier. 1.2299 0.05092 87 69 16 2
1918 Say hello to my lit'l friend. 1.2299 0.05348 87 70 14 3
1919 You'll just feel a slight pinch... 1.2299 0.05092 87 69 16 2
1920 How much if I endorse a drink a day? 1.2299 0.05092 87 69 16 2
1921 That's the worst case of cork taint I've seen since Med School. 1.2299 0.05092 87 69 16 2
1922 Your investment portfolio 1.2299 0.05593 87 71 12 4
1923 Not to worry, we'll put you under and you won't feel a thing. 1.2299 0.05593 87 71 12 4
1924 Good news! It's not a colonoscopy today! 1.2299 0.04823 87 68 18 1
1925 No need to worry, I’m bore certified. 1.2299 0.05827 87 72 10 5
1926 This is a very common procedure for those in your age group. 1.2299 0.04823 87 68 18 1
1927 I'm known for screwing up. 1.2299 0.05092 87 69 16 2
1928 Nothing to worry about but you'll feel a little drained later. 1.2299 0.05593 87 71 12 4
1929 You did say you wanted to 'unlock' your inner nature. 1.2297 0.05286 74 58 15 1
1930 The extraction procedure is painless, but you might feel a bit empty inside when I’m finished. 1.2297 0.06538 74 62 7 5
1931 Bad news is your BAC is way too high. Good news is there's an easy fix. 1.2297 0.05625 74 59 13 2
1932 People are always screwing with my head. 1.2297 0.05625 74 59 13 2
1933 Who’s ready for their cork test? 1.2297 0.06249 74 61 9 4
1934 At least bring me to a steak dinner before you screw me. 1.2297 0.05945 74 60 11 3
1935 I'll make sure to not make a bang, only a pop. 1.2294 0.04250 109 85 23 1
1936 Don't worry, it won't hurt! 1.2294 0.04813 109 88 17 4
1937 Oh,no,it's not just cultural. There are health benefits for removing it too, 1.2294 0.04986 109 89 15 5
1938 You don't have strep throat, you're just an extra dry." 1.2294 0.04446 109 86 21 2
1939 I'm not an internist. I'm an oenophilist. 1.2292 0.05826 96 81 8 7
1940 Don't whine, it'll only be a quick pinch! 1.2292 0.04794 96 76 18 2
1941 You're just going to feel a small pinch 1.2292 0.05017 96 77 16 3
1942 My colleagues and I agree. It's time for you to open up.. 1.2292 0.04794 96 76 18 2
1943 Better top than bottom." 1.2292 0.04794 96 76 18 2
1944 Just a slight poke and your aging woes will be over. 1.2292 0.04559 96 75 20 1
1945 You look like you wish you were a twist top! 1.2292 0.05635 96 80 10 6
1946 Corkectomies are reversible these days. 1.2292 0.04794 96 76 18 2
1947 Are you a glass half full or a half empty type? 1.2292 0.05231 96 78 14 4
1948 Don’t worry, it’s a simple procedure. 1.2292 0.05017 96 77 16 3
1949 Oh! look at the wine talking 1.2292 0.05017 96 77 16 3
1950 You won's be stopped up after this minor proceedure. 1.2289 0.05508 83 67 13 3
1951 Tell me if this joke is in bad taste... 1.2289 0.05508 83 67 13 3
1952 I assure you, we'll be feeling no pain and we won't remember a thing. 1.2289 0.05235 83 66 15 2
1953 The nose is floral, but the PSA is a little high, so let's take a look. 1.2289 0.05508 83 67 13 3
1954 What do you mean you were screwed and lost your cork 1.2289 0.05769 83 68 11 4
1955 I would like to see my wife first, doc 1.2289 0.05235 83 66 15 2
1956 I'm not sure what's wrong Dr, but my wife says all I do is whine. 1.2286 0.04928 105 85 16 4
1957 This won't hurt a bit, and everyone will be happy to see you fulfill your destiny. You'd like that, wouldn't you? 1.2286 0.04738 105 84 18 3
1958 Aww, don't worry, I'm not gonna screw you! 1.2286 0.04738 105 84 18 3
1959 We think your BAC might be too high. 1.2286 0.05817 70 56 12 2
1960 No, a urologist. Why do you ask? 1.2286 0.04738 105 84 18 3
1961 It’s perfectly normal to be worried. But we’ll pull that out right away. 1.2286 0.05286 105 87 12 6
1962 Actually, the treatment is less painful than the deductible. 1.2286 0.04541 105 83 20 2
1963 Actually, it’s only a proctologist appointment if it’s from the proctolo region of Italy. 1.2286 0.05110 105 86 14 5
1964 At your vintage are you still afraid of open cork exams? 1.2283 0.05377 92 75 13 4
1965 I've got just the thing to relieve your headache. 1.2283 0.04663 92 72 19 1
1966 If we can work on removing the blockage you won't have to strain to pour. 1.2283 0.05150 92 74 15 3
1967 You may feel a little pressure. 1.2283 0.04913 92 73 17 2
1968 You'll probably hear a loud 'pop' when the procedure is over" 1.2283 0.04913 92 73 17 2
1969 You'll feel better when I help you to breathe a bit. 1.2283 0.05150 92 74 15 3
1970 It'll just be a little poke. 1.2283 0.05377 92 75 13 4
1971 I’ll be glad to take care of you 1.2283 0.04663 92 72 19 1
1972 I'll be happy you'll be drained. 1.2283 0.05377 92 75 13 4
1973 Do you need a minute to breathe before we get started? 1.2283 0.04663 92 72 19 1
1974 You won’t be the first to get screwed by the System!” 1.2283 0.05595 92 76 11 5
1975 Trust me, it would be best to drain it. 1.2283 0.04663 92 72 19 1
1976 This procedure can only be done once. 1.2283 0.04913 92 73 17 2
1977 I dunno doc, this procedure seems like it might be a pour decision 1.2283 0.04913 92 73 17 2
1978 You look like you could use a drink...only kidding. 1.2281 0.04831 114 93 16 5
1979 When patients like you reach a certain age, there is a procedure I heartily recommend. 1.2281 0.04499 114 91 20 3
1980 One quick twist and it's over! 1.2278 0.05390 79 63 14 2
1981 Your copayment is only two bucks, Chuck. 1.2277 0.04850 101 81 17 3
1982 The problem's in your head. 1.2277 0.05050 101 82 15 4
1983 It's much more effective than the traditional enema... 1.2277 0.04850 101 81 17 3
1984 Better in the neck than in the bunghole. 1.2277 0.04642 101 80 19 2
1985 This will only feel like a little prick. 1.2277 0.04850 101 81 17 3
1986 It’ll just be a little pinch and you’ll feel lighter in no time. 1.2277 0.05243 101 83 13 5
1987 Tell me, how long you've kept this all bottled up? 1.2273 0.04775 88 69 18 1
1988 It's no worse than a colonoscopy, and you only do it once. 1.2273 0.05041 88 70 16 2
1989 The whole lab is looking forward to the tasting...I mean testing. 1.2273 0.05294 88 71 14 3
1990 Colonoscopies are recommended at your age. 1.2273 0.05535 88 72 12 4
1991 Let's open our relationship ! 1.2273 0.05294 88 71 14 3
1992 Don’t worry, you have plenty of anesthesia on board. 1.2273 0.05041 88 70 16 2
1993 True, but it will help you breathe. 1.2268 0.04750 97 77 18 2
1994 We all serve in our own way. 1.2268 0.04750 97 77 18 2
1995 You've reached the age where I'd advise you have a corkoscopy. 1.2268 0.04971 97 78 16 3
1996 Stop whining. 1.2268 0.05182 97 79 14 4
1997 I promise it won't hurt and you'll feel much lighter! 1.2268 0.04750 97 77 18 2
1998 Oh, incidentally, Baron, once we've dealt with that dry cork you're suffering from, the staff insists that we have you over for dinner. What do you say? The meal wouldn't be the same without YOU! 1.2268 0.04971 97 78 16 3
1999 Think of it as being open to a new experience! 1.2268 0.04971 97 78 16 3
2000 Before we begin, can you assure me that you're not corked? 1.2268 0.04518 97 76 20 1
2001 Relax! You'll be fine in a few years. 1.2268 0.04518 97 76 20 1
2002 I think I have something that will help you breathe. 1.2268 0.05182 97 79 14 4
2003 Let’s do some breathing exercises. 1.2268 0.04750 97 77 18 2
2004 "It's completely painless if you're over 40 Proof." 1.2268 0.04971 97 78 16 3
2005 No, no...trust me this is through the top. 1.2268 0.04518 97 76 20 1
2006 Surprise! This is what you were fer-meant-ed for. 1.2268 0.04750 97 77 18 2
2007 The good news is ,once I remove it ,breathing will be much easier 1.2268 0.04750 97 77 18 2
2008 Usually it just pops out. 1.2268 0.04971 97 78 16 3
2009 You'll be breathing a lot easier just as soon as we get the cork out 1.2268 0.04971 97 78 16 3
2010 Now, this might sting a bit 1.2268 0.04750 97 77 18 2
2011 I identify as Champagne...Champagne!! 1.2267 0.05224 75 59 15 1
2012 Believe me-it's a necessary procedure for individuals who have reached your vintage. 1.2266 0.04602 128 105 17 6
2013 Bend over and let me check your vintage. 1.2264 0.05240 106 88 12 6
2014 Sir, you are about to be screwed. 1.2264 0.05066 106 87 14 5
2015 Don't think of it that way! It's more like mouth-to-mouth. 1.2264 0.04698 106 85 18 3
2016 This might be a bit draining, but in the end you'll feel less acidic. 1.2264 0.04698 106 85 18 3
2017 The results came back...we are having steak tonight. 1.2264 0.04886 106 86 16 4
2018 I don't believe you've been mislabeled,and this isn't exploratory surgery 1.2264 0.05066 106 87 14 5
2019 How about we unwind a little bit 1.2264 0.05240 106 88 12 6
2020 You have aged so smoothly that I brought a surprise to help us celebrate. 1.2264 0.04886 106 86 16 4
2021 “It’s a time honored medical procedure to release spirits.” 1.2264 0.04503 106 84 20 2
2022 It's a routine procedure for wines of your vintage to have a cork exam. 1.2262 0.05449 84 68 13 3
2023 it's my first time too 1.2262 0.05449 84 68 13 3
2024 I was just kidding when I said that this would hurt me more than you. 1.2262 0.05179 84 67 15 2
2025 I made you. I can drain you. 1.2262 0.05179 84 67 15 2
2026 It's a little invasive, but you will soon be peeing like a fire hose again" 1.2262 0.05706 84 69 11 4
2027 Yes, yes, if we can find the hints of road tar, we'll get them too. 1.2262 0.05179 84 67 15 2
2028 Oh wine, I'm going to open those hips... Medically 1.2262 0.05706 84 69 11 4
2029 It happens with age. 1.2258 0.04866 93 74 17 2
2030 This might hurt a little. 1.2258 0.04866 93 74 17 2
2031 And then you will gradually lose weight, just as I promised. 1.2258 0.05325 93 76 13 4
2032 It's going to be long and hard - just breathe. 1.2258 0.05325 93 76 13 4
2033 It's your lucky day, I am seeing walk-ins. 1.2258 0.05100 93 75 15 3
2034 No, of course not! That would be a lobotomy which totally passe... 1.2258 0.04619 93 73 19 1
2035 Do you know what 'getting screwed' means 1.2258 0.05325 93 76 13 4
2036 You'll breathe a lot easier when were done. 1.2258 0.04619 93 73 19 1
2037 Yes, I can uncork your spirits. Side effects include feeling empty, even trashed. 1.2258 0.04619 93 73 19 1
2038 Now we'll just need to draw two glasses — er, I mean vials 1.2258 0.04359 93 72 21 0
2039 I promise I am not going to screw you! 1.2258 0.05100 93 75 15 3
2040 I promise I'll still respect you in the morning! 1.2258 0.05100 93 75 15 3
2041 I think I've found a way to stop your whining. 1.2258 0.04866 93 74 17 2
2042 Ready for your enema? 1.2258 0.04866 93 74 17 2
2043 I know it's invasive but you've aged 50 years now so it's recommended. 1.2258 0.05100 93 75 15 3
2044 We'll need to drill down a little further in this checkup. 1.2258 0.05100 93 75 15 3
2045 I’m just going to run a few tastings 1.2258 0.05100 93 75 15 3
2046 I won't screw you I promise 1.2258 0.05325 93 76 13 4
2047 Don't worry. This isn't a "gay thing." 1.2255 0.05196 102 84 13 5
2048 Not to worry, I'm the sommelier, now get ready to take a deep breath. 1.2255 0.04808 102 82 17 3
2049 It's a 12 step program. We'll detox you a couple shots at a time and before you know it you'll be alcohol free. 1.2255 0.05006 102 83 15 4
2050 There’s no need to be afraid, Mr. Noir – fear adds acidity and we wouldn’t want that. 1.2255 0.04808 102 82 17 3
2051 You'll only feel a slight pinch. 1.2254 0.06084 71 58 10 3
2052 You feel corked? Well, there's only one way to find out 1.2254 0.06084 71 58 10 3
2053 Don't worry, you'll get better with age 1.2252 0.04904 111 91 15 5
2054 I figured out how we can both feel pressure relief! 1.2252 0.04183 111 87 23 1
2055 Ahem, yes! As I was saying- Don't worry, I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy! Umm...your cheeks look a little rose'... 1.2250 0.05618 80 65 12 3
2056 This might sting. 1.2250 0.05893 80 66 10 4
2057 Say aah. 1.2250 0.05329 80 64 14 2
2058 Honestly! I’m not screwing around! 1.2250 0.05024 80 63 16 1
2059 Sorry,but everyone agrees it is best if we drink you now. 1.2250 0.05329 80 64 14 2
2060 You should only feel a small twist 1.2250 0.05329 80 64 14 2
2061 You’ll feel a little prick, but you’ll breathe a lot easier after this procedure. 1.2250 0.04698 80 62 18 0
2062 Don't worry, I've got just the thing to get us out of this sticky situation! 1.2250 0.05329 80 64 14 2
2063 I have a treatment that will blow your mind. . 1.2250 0.05024 80 63 16 1
2064 Too bad you’re not a screw top 1.2250 0.05618 80 65 12 3
2065 Trust me, I'm an expert on aging. 1.2247 0.04990 89 71 16 2
2066 I'd say you've passed the Reflexes part of the examination. 1.2247 0.05707 89 74 10 5
2067 I'd reccomend breathing in your case, but ultimately the decision is yours. 1.2247 0.05478 89 73 12 4
2068 My diagnosis is too much body, but I think we’ve found a solution. 1.2247 0.04990 89 71 16 2
2069 It's just a minor procedure to collect a little fluid for a standard, basic, cheese pairing analysis. 1.2247 0.05478 89 73 12 4
2070 Now, I bet you wish you had chosen the screw top closer. 1.2247 0.04990 89 71 16 2
2071 Don't worry, this will only hurt a sip... 1.2247 0.05240 89 72 14 3
2072 I SURE HOPE THIS WORKS! 1.2247 0.05240 89 72 14 3
2073 You have aged well. Bottoms up. 1.2247 0.05478 89 73 12 4
2074 No, it’s not a blood letting. 1.2247 0.04990 89 71 16 2
2075 Just one more sample please. The previous test result was inconclusive. 1.2247 0.04990 89 71 16 2
2076 It will be fast and easy and you'll feel a lot thinner. 1.2247 0.05478 89 73 12 4
2077 Don’t worry. I think you just need to breathe. 1.2247 0.05240 89 72 14 3
2078 A test, a little test .....did I say taste? I meant test..... 1.2245 0.05335 98 81 12 5
2079 Just a quick prick, a slight tugging sensation, and all the pressure will be relieved 1.2245 0.04925 98 79 16 3
2080 Don't worry about insurance. It's my pleasure. 1.2245 0.05135 98 80 14 4
2081 It’s not brain surgery. 1.2245 0.04707 98 78 18 2
2082 Yes, it’s my first time, but I watched the YouTube. 1.2245 0.04925 98 79 16 3
2083 Yes, I promise. The relief will be immediate. 1.2245 0.04925 98 79 16 3
2084 Once your cork is removed, we will all be feeling better” 1.2245 0.04925 98 79 16 3
2085 We have a solution. 1.2245 0.05529 98 82 10 6
2086 I told you to stop drinking. 1.2237 0.05164 76 60 15 1
2087 Trust me, your legs are just fine. 1.2237 0.05803 76 62 11 3
2088 I believe that you will feel much better if you unbottle yourself. 1.2237 0.05803 76 62 11 3
2089 The procedure is minimally invasion, and we will be collecting samples for laboratory testing. 1.2237 0.05493 76 61 13 2
2090 No sir, it's *therapists* that can't have a dual relationship. Now I insist you join us for dinner! 1.2237 0.06098 76 63 9 4
2091 I won't screw you over--I promise. 1.2235 0.05125 85 68 15 2
2092 Relaz. The unscrewing hurts more 1.2235 0.05645 85 70 11 4
2093 A GOOD SCREWING WILL OPEN YOU UP! 1.2235 0.05125 85 68 15 2
2094 We'll just infuse a bit of Brewer's Yeast, yes? 1.2235 0.05645 85 70 11 4
2095 Don't think of it as being screwed. Think of it as being able to breathe. 1.2235 0.05125 85 68 15 2
2096 I think I can solve your problem. It'll definitely solve mine. 1.2235 0.05391 85 69 13 3
2097 It's important to not keep things bottled up, and I can help with that! ;) 1.2235 0.04546 85 66 19 0
2098 Time to get screwed! 1.2235 0.05645 85 70 11 4
2099 Just bend over 1.2234 0.05273 94 77 13 4
2100 Compared to the boat launching I just attended, this won't hurt a bit! 1.2234 0.05052 94 76 15 3
2101 I will now allow you to breathe. 1.2234 0.04820 94 75 17 2
2102 Don't worry, most patients only let out a little whine. 1.2234 0.05052 94 76 15 3
2103 On average, how many humans do you consume in a week? 1.2234 0.05052 94 76 15 3
2104 We're so happy you scheduled your appointment on "Roast Beef Wednesday." 1.2234 0.05052 94 76 15 3
2105 This should relieve that sinus pressure in your head. 1.2234 0.05052 94 76 15 3
2106 This isn't the first time i've screwed with a patient before. 1.2234 0.05052 94 76 15 3
2107 and after it’s all over, we’ll have a toast to your good health. 1.2234 0.05273 94 77 13 4
2108 I do this all the time. I'm just going to open you up to let you breathe. 1.2234 0.05052 94 76 15 3
2109 Scout's honor, this will help you breathe. 1.2234 0.04820 94 75 17 2
2110 Better this way than being screwed by the insurance company. 1.2234 0.04319 94 73 21 0
2111 Making use of my accrediation as both a proctologist and sommelier, I am about to assuage your fear of becoming a very expensive vinegar. 1.2234 0.05486 94 78 11 5
2112 Body seems great,definitely a big nose but let 1.2234 0.04820 94 75 17 2
2113 In vino veritas,I am out of wine and out of network. 1.2233 0.04562 103 82 19 2
2114 This is a very common procedure and you won't feel a thing. 1.2222 0.05270 81 65 14 2
2115 You know I've always said I'll be completely open with you. 1.2222 0.05316 72 57 14 1
2116 You've aged to the point that now I recommend a corkenoscopy daily! 1.2222 0.04881 99 80 16 3
2117 Don't worry, it's just a pinch. 1.2222 0.05188 90 73 14 3
2118 I've been looking forward to a DRE of your vintage for a long time. 1.2222 0.05188 90 73 14 3
2119 I've got grape news! 1.2222 0.04969 81 64 16 1
2120 Don’t worry this is standard practice as you age. 1.2222 0.04229 108 85 22 1
2121 My wife wouldn't stop talking, so I told her to 'put a cork in it'. The next thing I knew.... 1.2222 0.05270 81 65 14 2
2122 Trust me, I've performed this procedure thousands of times. 1.2222 0.04941 90 72 16 2
2123 Yes,I might just have a corkscrew for you. 1.2222 0.04941 90 72 16 2
2124 You have an expansive future ... you need to breathe ... deeply!" 1.2222 0.04682 90 71 18 1
2125 I would love to relieve some pressure for you! 1.2222 0.04804 108 88 16 4
2126 Don’t worry. Decanting is a lot less invasive nowadays. 1.2222 0.05087 99 81 14 4
2127 It appears you have some bottled up emotions. 1.2222 0.04682 90 71 18 1
2128 Don't worry you'll just feel a little tug. 1.2222 0.04969 81 64 16 1
2129 Don’t worry…I did my residency in Proctology. 1.2222 0.04881 99 80 16 3
2130 So there is something we can do before you pop your cork 1.2222 0.05270 81 65 14 2
2131 You may feel a slight pressure. 1.2222 0.05188 90 73 14 3
2132 I'm screwed, aren't I? In a manner of speaking yes, but I'm going to unscrew you. 1.2222 0.05316 72 57 14 1
2133 At last, I get to treat the cause rather than the patient. 1.2222 0.05188 90 73 14 3
2134 Watch, this will blow your mind 1.2222 0.04969 81 64 16 1
2135 I call this procedure, a lobottlemy. 1.2222 0.04881 99 80 16 3
2136 Yes, it is an off-label treatment and you will feel somewhat drained afterward, but that's to be expected. 1.2222 0.05188 90 73 14 3
2137 I have a surprise for you and you won't feel a thing. 1.2222 0.05270 81 65 14 2
2138 Good news. You don't have to worry about your age. 1.2222 0.04969 81 64 16 1
2139 Sorry, just got the Lab results and your screwed 1.2222 0.05188 90 73 14 3
2140 I promise it won't hurt at all ma'am 1.2222 0.04941 90 72 16 2
2141 Trust me, I’m a connoisseur. 1.2222 0.05087 99 81 14 4
2142 I think you should open your mind. Let me help you 1.2222 0.05556 81 66 12 3
2143 Yes, I will be able to put it right back in 1.2222 0.05423 90 74 12 4
2144 Now turn your head and quaff. 1.2222 0.04407 90 70 20 0
2145 Relax...I'm a licensed oenologist 1.2212 0.04986 113 94 13 6
2146 Don't be nervous, it's just a little procedure that will help you breath. 1.2212 0.04523 104 83 19 2
2147 Now, you may think this is a little screwy... 1.2212 0.04725 104 84 17 3
2148 I prefer saying “open wide” rather than you are “About to be screwed”. 1.2212 0.04918 104 85 15 4
2149 Trust me, you'll breathe a lot easier if we get you to open up and let out what you’ve had bottled up inside. 1.2212 0.05105 104 86 13 5
2150 It's normal to blush. 1.2211 0.04534 95 75 19 1
2151 Just a little pinch. 1.2211 0.05004 95 77 15 3
2152 It is time to down you and drown me. 1.2211 0.05004 95 77 15 3
2153 If you don't mind me saying, you are aging like fine wine. 1.2211 0.04775 95 76 17 2
2154 No, I said not non-invasive. 1.2211 0.05004 95 77 15 3
2155 Would you like to thumb through a copy of Highlights first? 1.2211 0.04775 95 76 17 2
2156 And now a special surprise for being named Physician's Assistant of the week.... 1.2211 0.04775 95 76 17 2
2157 Ok my wonderful AI wine bottle, it's time to get screwed! 1.2211 0.05004 95 77 15 3
2158 Can you cough for me. 1.2209 0.04794 86 68 17 1
2159 We're awaiting lab results from the saloon. 1.2209 0.05335 86 70 13 3
2160 Hope I don't screw this up, I'm used to giving shots. 1.2209 0.05585 86 71 11 4
2161 The good news is you don't need a colonoscopy. 1.2209 0.06277 86 74 5 7
2162 Doc, I'd rather the colonoscopy. 1.2209 0.04794 86 68 17 1
2163 To put it bluntly, the treatment will screw you. 1.2209 0.05585 86 71 11 4
2164 You shouldn't be afraid to open up. 1.2209 0.05585 86 71 11 4
2165 Sorry, the only way is to drill down and extract it. 1.2209 0.04500 86 67 19 0
2166 In your case, it's a grand scru. 1.2209 0.05335 86 70 13 3
2167 Straight, no chaser. 1.2209 0.05335 86 70 13 3
2168 One bottle’s pain, is another man’s pleasure 1.2209 0.05072 86 69 15 2
2169 Nothing to worry about, your colonoscopy results are normal 1.2208 0.06026 77 64 9 4
2170 Doc, I don't think I have a headache anymore 1.2208 0.05429 77 62 13 2
2171 Will someone need to drive me home? 1.2208 0.05429 77 62 13 2
2172 Don’t wine about it and just breathe. 1.2208 0.05429 77 62 13 2
2173 Sir, there’s no need for an explanation as to how it got in there. If you say it was an accident than I believe you. What’s important now is that we get it out. 1.2208 0.05735 77 63 11 3
2174 It’s in a breech position, so I’m going to perform a corkectomy. 1.2203 0.04362 118 95 20 3
2175 It is not going to hurt, may be just a little... 1.2202 0.04393 109 87 20 2
2176 Don't worry I have done lots of intravino injections 1.2202 0.04939 109 90 14 5
2177 Now this won't hurt a bit! 1.2200 0.05041 100 82 14 4
2178 You're definitely starting to show your age. 1.2198 0.05136 91 74 14 3
2179 No, I use a something besides a scalpel. 1.2198 0.05369 91 75 12 4
2180 There's no charge for this. Only a corkage fee." 1.2198 0.04636 91 72 18 1
2181 I bet you don't pop your cork for every guy you see. 1.2198 0.05136 91 74 14 3
2182 And I say you do need a colonoscopy. 1.2198 0.05136 91 74 14 3
2183 I just need to draw a little fluid to taste,I mean test 1.2198 0.05136 91 74 14 3
2184 I think you might be corked, but there’s only one way to find out. 1.2198 0.04893 91 73 16 2
2185 Good news! Your insurance will cover the procedure. 1.2198 0.05591 91 76 10 5
2186 I’m think I‘m having a chardonnay arrest.” 1.2198 0.04893 91 73 16 2
2187 Looks like it’s time for the ol’ uncork and cough. 1.2198 0.04893 91 73 16 2
2188 Ok champ, let’s get a closer look at that neck. 1.2198 0.04893 91 73 16 2
2189 So I understand you've been feeling under pressure? 1.2198 0.05369 91 75 12 4
2190 This will lower your blood pressure immediately 1.2195 0.05494 82 67 12 3
2191 Just open wide and you won't remember... I mean, um, FEEL a thing! 1.2195 0.05494 82 67 12 3
2192 You'll feel much better once we get that removed... 1.2195 0.05494 82 67 12 3
2193 I'm almost certain that it is benign, but we ought to remove it anyway. 1.2195 0.05762 82 68 10 4
2194 This won't hurt a bit...it'll be over before you know it. 1.2195 0.05494 82 67 12 3
2195 You'll find it easier to breathe once we decant. 1.2195 0.05762 82 68 10 4
2196 Don't worry, Mr. Merlot, we will have you back in the cellar in no time. 1.2195 0.05213 82 66 14 2
2197 Did you seriously think you would get inside by telling people I smell like stable? 1.2195 0.05762 82 68 10 4
2198 After the procedure we're just going to let you breathe a little. 1.2195 0.05213 82 66 14 2
2199 It is after hours, but lucky for you I’m a workaholic. 1.2195 0.05494 82 67 12 3
2200 stop whining, a good screw will make you feel much better 1.2195 0.05213 82 66 14 2
2201 I like to unwind, how about you? 1.2193 0.04622 114 93 17 4
2202 It'll just tickle a little 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
2203 Your test results will come back tomorrow. Hopefully." 1.2192 0.06244 73 61 8 4
2204 Let me put it to you this way, I think you’re screwed. 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
2205 Just take a deep breath. It will be over soon. 1.2190 0.04684 105 85 17 3
2206 Close your eyes and breathe, it will help you open up 1.2188 0.05173 96 79 13 4
2207 THIS IS A POLITICAL CARTOON ABOUT HEALTHCARE IN AMERICA. YOU GET SCREWED NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU WINE. 1.2188 0.05381 96 80 11 5
2208 I have just the remedy to help you feel better in no time! 1.2188 0.04957 96 78 15 3
2209 Now just try to relax 1.2188 0.05173 96 79 13 4
2210 So tell me,does organic run in your family? 1.2188 0.04730 96 77 17 2
2211 Could I interest you in a little head massage” 1.2188 0.04730 96 77 17 2
2212 After your aeration we’ll be joined by women and song. 1.2188 0.05581 96 81 9 6
2213 A small step for you, a giant leap for Oenology. 1.2184 0.05279 87 71 13 3
2214 Good news (for me)! I have a way to get you unstopped. 1.2184 0.05991 87 74 7 6
2215 Yes, you are my last appointment for the day! 1.2184 0.05526 87 72 11 4
2216 Ah so... 1.2184 0.04746 87 69 17 1
2217 We have a party of six on standby. 1.2184 0.05019 87 70 15 2
2218 Ever had liver and fava beans? 1.2184 0.05526 87 72 11 4
2219 This won't take long and it definitely won't hurt! 1.2184 0.05019 87 70 15 2
2220 We don't use that vulgar term here; however, the results will be the same. 1.2184 0.05019 87 70 15 2
2221 Let’s see what’s in there! 1.2184 0.05279 87 71 13 3
2222 Don’t worry! Everything will be wine—I mean fine. 1.2184 0.05279 87 71 13 3
2223 A little labottleme will have you bubbling with happiness. 1.2184 0.05279 87 71 13 3
2224 Good news! You’ll soon be breathing much easier. 1.2184 0.05526 87 72 11 4
2225 Don’t screw with me doc. 1.2184 0.05526 87 72 11 4
2226 you may feel a little screwed up afterwards 1.2184 0.05279 87 71 13 3
2227 Ah so it's respiratory–I've got just the thing to help you breathe. 1.2179 0.05954 78 65 9 4
2228 Good news! We only need to withdraw some fluids. 1.2179 0.05668 78 64 11 3
2229 Just relax, I'm an oenologist, not a proctologist. 1.2179 0.05954 78 65 9 4
2230 Turn your head and cork - I MEAN COUGH....turn your head and cough... 1.2179 0.05366 78 63 13 2
2231 I guess I’m getting screwed one way or the other 1.2179 0.05366 78 63 13 2
2232 Why keep things bottled up inside of you? 1.2178 0.04996 101 83 14 4
2233 No wine is good until it's time...it's time! 1.2178 0.04582 101 81 18 2
2234 Don't worry, I perform 3 of these a day 1.2178 0.04794 101 82 16 3
2235 Sorry, there is no prep for a visit like this. 1.2178 0.04361 101 80 20 1
2236 I have a great new idea on how you're gonna lose weight! 1.2178 0.04361 101 80 20 1
2237 I understand you’ve been feeling some pressure. 1.2178 0.05190 101 84 12 5
2238 The good news is your next procedure will be beneficial for both your headache AND mine 1.2178 0.04794 101 82 16 3
2239 This motherfucker… 1.2174 0.05315 92 76 12 4
2240 I can make you happy. 1.2174 0.06149 69 57 9 3
2241 Not to worry Mr. Merlot, you have a simple screw off. 1.2174 0.05747 92 78 8 6
2242 Let's start with a check of your rotten grape levels. 1.2174 0.04592 92 73 18 1
2243 The most common risk is cork crumble. Rarely, the cork will get stuck. In that event , we resort of sabrage. 1.2174 0.05086 92 75 14 3
2244 I have my ways to get you to open up. 1.2174 0.05086 92 75 14 3
2245 Why do I feel I am about to get intellectually screwed? 1.2174 0.04845 92 74 16 2
2246 Don’t be nervous, I’m an expert in vino-puncture. 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
2247 You're looking great for your age...I might even say you're in peak condition! Just bear with me while I run one last test. 1.2174 0.05535 92 77 10 5
2248 I'm going to give you something to help you unwine. 1.2174 0.06486 69 58 7 4
2249 Relax. I'm "Board-Certified" in alternative medicine. 1.2174 0.04845 92 74 16 2
2250 Might I swish you around in my mouth while we await the results? I'm taking a class. 1.2174 0.05086 92 75 14 3
2251 All you need is a good screw. 1.2174 0.05086 92 75 14 3
2252 I’m Dr Cork, your proctologist. 1.2174 0.04845 92 74 16 2
2253 It’s a simple procedure. Just breathe. 1.2174 0.04592 92 73 18 1
2254 It's called trephining. You'll love it. 1.2174 0.05315 92 76 12 4
2255 Good news! A simple extraction will help you to breathe. 1.2174 0.04592 92 73 18 1
2256 You have aged well but it's now time you are the life of the party. 1.2170 0.05017 106 88 13 5
2257 This procedure has known history of benefiting your breathing. 1.2169 0.05434 83 68 12 3
2258 The good news is we no longer use leeches. 1.2169 0.05434 83 68 12 3
2259 Don't worry, it's just a routine check for any fruity, herbal or floral notes. 1.2169 0.04863 83 66 16 1
2260 It’s just a quick procedure to help you breath. 1.2169 0.05156 83 67 14 2
2261 No pressure! I lied!! 1.2169 0.04863 83 66 16 1
2262 This will only hurt foe a minute, then you will breathe better. 1.2169 0.05434 83 68 12 3
2263 Don't worry--this operation has been done a million times. 1.2169 0.05156 83 67 14 2
2264 So I understand your feeling all bottled up - I have a solution for you right here 1.2169 0.05156 83 67 14 2
2265 I'm glad you finally came in. I've been waiting for you all day. 1.2169 0.04863 83 66 16 1
2266 The good news is, you’re in-network. 1.2169 0.05434 83 68 12 3
2267 Why the forlorn look? What could I possibly do to you? 1.2165 0.04687 97 78 17 2
2268 Would you like a drink before we begin? 1.2165 0.04910 97 79 15 3
2269 You're still sweet and delicious! 1.2165 0.04687 97 78 17 2
2270 Your about to get really popular. 1.2165 0.04910 97 79 15 3
2271 Your tests show you have aged fine and we should consider a decanting procedure! 1.2165 0.04687 97 78 17 2
2272 It would be easier if you had a screw cap. 1.2165 0.04910 97 79 15 3
2273 This is going to hurt me more than it’s going to hurt you, down the road. 1.2165 0.04910 97 79 15 3
2274 First the good news. You'll be highly appreciated at my dinner party tonight. 1.2165 0.04910 97 79 15 3
2275 Ok, my dear, just a little pressure… 1.2165 0.04910 97 79 15 3
2276 Hey you’re ok, did I tell you it’s my birthday? 1.2165 0.05719 97 83 7 7
2277 Don't worry Mr. Merlot, this will only hurt a Merlittle. 1.2162 0.06166 74 62 8 4
2278 Oh, you’ll be fine. You just need a little air, and I have just the thing… 1.2162 0.04686 111 91 16 4
2279 Believe me, we're experts in dealing with cases like yours. 1.2162 0.05858 74 61 10 3
2280 I heard you’ve been feeling a lot of pressure. 1.2159 0.04698 88 70 17 1
2281 Sure, it's an anti-body, but the side effects won't lower your tannins or sugar content. 1.2159 0.05225 88 72 13 3
2282 Your records indicate a forty year vintage. 1.2159 0.04968 88 71 15 2
2283 This is probably not the veritas a vino wants to hear... 1.2159 0.04968 88 71 15 2
2284 You’re going to feel a small pinch. 1.2159 0.04968 88 71 15 2
2285 What you need is a good screw. 1.2159 0.05703 88 74 9 5
2286 Don't be concerned, this will help you breath! 1.2159 0.04411 88 69 19 0
2287 How long has it been since your last colonoscopy? 1.2159 0.05469 88 73 11 4
2288 Louis Jadot, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship. 1.2159 0.05225 88 72 13 3
2289 This cure will put a new spin on your condition. 1.2157 0.04542 102 82 18 2
2290 It’s nothing, you’ll just feel a slight pinch. 1.2157 0.05144 102 85 12 5
2291 Relax, I’m a certified acupuncturist. 1.2157 0.05144 102 85 12 5
2292 Unfortunately for you, it's my birthday! Ha, ha. Silly doctor joke. Now, we'll just give you a tranquilizer so you don't feel any pain during your operation. Standard procedure, sir. 1.2157 0.05144 102 85 12 5
2293 Let’s see you if feel half empty or half full 1.2157 0.04951 102 84 14 4
2294 I've got a corker for you! 1.2155 0.05020 116 98 11 7
2295 A simple procedure, it will really help you loosen up. 1.2154 0.04758 130 110 12 8
2296 I'm gonna pop it to ya. 1.2152 0.05603 79 65 11 3
2297 You might feel a little screw. 1.2152 0.04990 79 63 15 1
2298 Do you support the advancement of oenology? 1.2152 0.05305 79 64 13 2
2299 The good news is that your blood looks great. The bad news is that I’m an alcoholic. 1.2152 0.05603 79 65 11 3
2300 And what year were you produced? 1.2152 0.04990 79 63 15 1
2301 I’m afraid we are going to have to open you up… 1.2152 0.05603 79 65 11 3
2302 You may hear a slight pop. 1.2152 0.05305 79 64 13 2
2303 I can relieve that bloated feeling with a simple procedure. It's quick and nearly painless. 1.2152 0.05305 79 64 13 2
2304 It would be unethical of me to screw you. 1.2152 0.05305 79 64 13 2
2305 Maybe I'm paranoid, Doc, but I feel like everyone is out to screw me. 1.2152 0.06155 79 67 7 5
2306 I wanted to be youthanized, not euthanized 1.2152 0.04990 79 63 15 1
2307 Just try not to look at the procedure too metaphorically. 1.2151 0.04798 93 75 16 2
2308 In a minute, I'm going to ask you to breathe. 1.2151 0.05690 93 79 8 6
2309 I just want to let you breathe. 1.2151 0.05036 93 76 14 3
2310 He's a neurologist, I'm an oenologist. 1.2151 0.05036 93 76 14 3
2311 If you think you’re screwed now, wait’ll you get the bill. 1.2151 0.05036 93 76 14 3
2312 Now you may feel a little discomfort but we do recommend it at your vintage. 1.2151 0.04798 93 75 16 2
2313 I’ll guarantee that after a few donations I won’t feel a thing. 1.2151 0.05036 93 76 14 3
2314 You’ll feel a slight pressure, and then we’ll both feel a sensation of release. 1.2151 0.05263 93 77 12 4
2315 No big deal. Think of it as a colonoscopy of the head! 1.2151 0.04798 93 75 16 2
2316 Who said anything about brain surgery? 1.2151 0.05263 93 77 12 4
2317 My specialty, bungology, is both an art and a science. 1.2151 0.05263 93 77 12 4
2318 You're feeling low, but what I'm feeling is Merlot. 1.2151 0.04284 93 73 20 0
2319 Don’t worry…when it’s over, you’ll be able to breathe. 1.2151 0.04798 93 75 16 2
2320 I think I’ve found a win-win solution to all the pressure we’ve both been under lately. 1.2151 0.05481 93 78 10 5
2321 Doc, trust me. I am not the blood of Christ. 1.2151 0.05481 93 78 10 5
2322 Let’s just open you up and see what’s what. 1.2151 0.04798 93 75 16 2
2323 What you need is a good bleeding, and a pairing of smoky gouda 1.2151 0.05481 93 78 10 5
2324 Oh yes, the body cleanse is absolutely necessary, but I think we'll both be satisfied with the outcome. 1.2150 0.04410 107 86 19 2
2325 Remember the bare-footed grape stomping. Well, it won't hurt any more than that. 1.2150 0.04793 107 88 15 4
2326 Most patients report that this treatment really helps them unwind. 1.2150 0.04410 107 86 19 2
2327 Why don't you lie down, and we'll get started. 1.2143 0.04644 98 79 17 2
2328 You seem to be in excellent health. We should do something to celebrate. 1.2143 0.05475 98 83 9 6
2329 Did you say.."I'm Screwed"? 1.2143 0.05636 84 70 10 4
2330 You're requested for party of fifty 1.2143 0.05375 84 69 12 3
2331 Not to worry, I'll relieve some of the pressure and let some oxygen in. 1.2143 0.05077 98 81 13 4
2332 I said "sample to test"....Why on earth would I say "sip to taste"? 1.2143 0.05375 84 69 12 3
2333 It's 5 o'clock somewhere! 1.2143 0.06400 70 59 7 4
2334 It won't hurt, I promise.... 1.2143 0.05101 84 68 14 2
2335 Well, it's maybe against professional ethics, but I'm gonna screw you. 1.2143 0.05717 70 57 11 2
2336 With a little effort, we’re going to get to the bottom of this! 1.2143 0.04644 98 79 17 2
2337 Who told you a colonoscopy feels like a corkscrew ? 1.2143 0.05636 84 70 10 4
2338 No need for a frown — I perform this operation at least once a night. 1.2143 0.06068 70 58 9 3
2339 Afterwards, you can have all the ice cream you want! 1.2143 0.04865 98 80 15 3
2340 Rather shoddy outfit for work, sir. 1.2143 0.05101 84 68 14 2
2341 That's not your tail, is it? 1.2143 0.05077 98 81 13 4
2342 It’s the usual procedure, and we’ll share a glass after it. 1.2143 0.05636 84 70 10 4
2343 Hmm. You say you are a virgin? 1.2143 0.04644 98 79 17 2
2344 Yes, the corkage fee is covered by your insurance plan. 1.2143 0.05101 84 68 14 2
2345 Just relax while we take a look in the old noggin. 1.2143 0.04865 98 80 15 3
2346 Don't worry, you're my third patient this morning. 1.2143 0.05375 84 69 12 3
2347 Have you been screwed before? 1.2143 0.05077 98 81 13 4
2348 I perform this procedure on all my patients when they reach your age. 1.2143 0.05101 84 68 14 2
2349 This procedure might leave you feeling drained. 1.2143 0.05077 98 81 13 4
2350 Having some alcohol in you keeps this from hurting 1.2143 0.05101 84 68 14 2
2351 Well I did say you should get some air 1.2143 0.05101 84 68 14 2
2352 Trust me! I'm a doctor! 1.2136 0.04907 103 85 14 4
2353 We'll do a little test to make sure you're aging like fine wine, and then you can grab some cheese and crackers on your way out. 1.2136 0.05281 103 87 10 6
2354 Don't worry, this little procedure will help you breathe! 1.2136 0.04709 103 84 16 3
2355 It's just a minor surgery... 1.2135 0.04918 89 72 15 2
2356 Let's just take care of that pesky bout of constipation, shall we? 1.2135 0.05171 89 73 13 3
2357 This won't hurt -it just leaves an empty feeling" 1.2135 0.05412 89 74 11 4
2358 I assure you...this won't hurt a bit... 1.2135 0.04918 89 72 15 2
2359 I think I can relieve the pressure you've been experiencing. 1.2135 0.04651 89 71 17 1
2360 I have a solution to your blockage problem 1.2135 0.04918 89 72 15 2
2361 You will just feel a small prick. 1.2135 0.05171 89 73 13 3
2362 a bottle of wine a day keeps the doctor entertained 1.2135 0.04918 89 72 15 2
2363 I'm going to screw with your head a little bit before I write you the prescription 1.2133 0.05787 75 62 10 3
2364 Of course not! You'll have at least another few days. Maybe even a week in the fridge. 1.2133 0.05467 75 61 12 2
2365 I just need a sample and we'll see where to go from there. 1.2133 0.05787 75 62 10 3
2366 Mr. Wineman I have good and bad news. You are aging gracefully, but you are corked! 1.2133 0.05787 75 62 10 3
2367 This may be painful at first, but you will breathe easier. 1.2130 0.04753 108 89 15 4
2368 It’s a simple, painless procedure—one that I’ve done thousands of times. 1.2130 0.04753 108 89 15 4
2369 Stop all your whining or you'll blow your cork! 1.2128 0.04752 94 76 16 2
2370 I see you've aged 10 years since our last appointment 1.2128 0.04987 94 77 14 3
2371 I prefer a twist off cap. 1.2128 0.04505 94 75 18 1
2372 Acidity, fermentation, and tannin results require one more test. 1.2128 0.05427 94 79 10 5
2373 It’s really a quite simple extraction. 1.2128 0.04752 94 76 16 2
2374 Relax, you're not the only one to have a screw loose. 1.2128 0.05427 94 79 10 5
2375 Now, if you’ll bend over slightly this won’t hurt a bit. 1.2128 0.05427 94 79 10 5
2376 Don't worry, this will just help you breathe a little before we begin 1.2128 0.04752 94 76 16 2
2377 I hear you’re under a lot of pressure. 1.2128 0.04244 94 74 20 0
2378 I'm going to help you breathe 1.2125 0.05245 80 65 13 2
2379 Don't worry, I learned all about this in grad school. 1.2125 0.05245 80 65 13 2
2380 I have just the thing for your headache. 1.2125 0.04934 80 64 15 1
2381 It will only feel like a little pinch. 1.2125 0.05245 80 65 13 2
2382 I'm sorry to inform you that due to your age, your time is short. 1.2125 0.05245 80 65 13 2
2383 This won't hurt, it's just a little pinch. 1.2125 0.05539 80 66 11 3
2384 Just a slight pressure. 1.2125 0.05245 80 65 13 2
2385 Yes it's invasive, but it will help you breathe. 1.2125 0.05817 80 67 9 4
2386 Im hosting a dinner party for the hospital staff tonight. I'd love for you to join us. 1.2125 0.05539 80 66 11 3
2387 I know you feel like your emotions are all bottled up inside but I think I have just the thing to help you open up. 1.2125 0.05539 80 66 11 3
2388 The good news is you're perfectly aged. 1.2125 0.05539 80 66 11 3
2389 Remember when I recommended you get more air? 1.2125 0.05539 80 66 11 3
2390 I promise I won’t screw up. 1.2125 0.05539 80 66 11 3
2391 I never thought I’d perform a frontal lobotomy on the bottle in front of me. 1.2125 0.05245 80 65 13 2
2392 Contrary to what you've heard Vern, we are in fact out to screw you. 1.2125 0.05817 80 67 9 4
2393 Let's take a look inside, shall we? 1.2125 0.05245 80 65 13 2
2394 It’s just a tickle 1.2125 0.05245 80 65 13 2
2395 Nothing to worry about…we just need to draw some fluids. 1.2125 0.05245 80 65 13 2
2396 Did I mention I’m writing a book about your exact condition? 1.2125 0.04934 80 64 15 1
2397 Not to worry, I’ve done this procedure hundreds of times. In fact, as recently as last night. 1.2125 0.05245 80 65 13 2
2398 No worries; I'm using the less painful top approach." 1.2121 0.04821 99 81 15 3
2399 Now you're going to feel a little pinch 1.2121 0.05030 99 82 13 4
2400 Uncork and be free! 1.2121 0.04821 99 81 15 3
2401 I understand you wish to donate your remains to gastronomy? 1.2118 0.05317 85 70 12 3
2402 Well, the good news is that you're going to bring smiles to a half-dozen of my friends. 1.2118 0.05317 85 70 12 3
2403 Your purpose? You hold the wine! 1.2118 0.04762 85 68 16 1
2404 Well, the good news is you're not a rosé.. 1.2118 0.05047 85 69 14 2
2405 Just relax. Time to release your inner self. 1.2118 0.04762 85 68 16 1
2406 Don't worry, I do this all the time. 1.2118 0.05047 85 69 14 2
2407 …and the bad news is the same—you got better with age. 1.2118 0.04762 85 68 16 1
2408 Now...if you'll just bend down...we'll take care of that nasty old headache. 1.2118 0.05047 85 69 14 2
2409 Screw, you“can be more than an epithe 1.2118 0.05317 85 70 12 3
2410 Veni. Vidi vino. 1.2118 0.05575 85 71 10 4
2411 It's a simple procedure. You'll be breathing in no time." 1.2118 0.04762 85 68 16 1
2412 You’ll feel a slight pressure at first but as you breath deeply a feeling of euphoria will settle in. 1.2118 0.05575 85 71 10 4
2413 This will open your chakras. 1.2118 0.05575 85 71 10 4
2414 Everyone has to have their first prostate exam eventually, and you’re just about the right age. 1.2118 0.04762 85 68 16 1
2415 Checking your prostate presents a unique challenge. 1.2115 0.05053 104 87 12 5
2416 Are you familiar with Easter, Ramadan or Purim? 1.2113 0.05644 71 58 11 2
2417 ‘I’m about to get screwed and you’re smiling. I feel empty already.’ 1.2113 0.06317 71 60 7 4
2418 No tears, please. I said I delight in terroir. 1.2111 0.04869 90 73 15 2
2419 Not to worry! You'll feel a little prick and then soon I'll be feeling no pain. 1.2111 0.04605 90 72 17 1
2420 Now I just need you to is turn your head and cough. 1.2111 0.05585 90 76 9 5
2421 Don't worry, it won't hurt a bit but you might consider a screw top going forward. 1.2111 0.05119 90 74 13 3
2422 Relax, it's a simple procedure, making it easier for you to breathe... 1.2111 0.04869 90 73 15 2
2423 This procedure will allow you to breathe for about ten minutes. 1.2111 0.04869 90 73 15 2
2424 Don’t worry, I always screw up. 1.2111 0.05119 90 74 13 3
2425 Don't worry, you'll just hear a slight pop and then it'll all be over. 1.2111 0.04869 90 73 15 2
2426 Surely, a bold 30 year old Spaniard from the southern Mediterranean coast who pairs magnificently with duck isn't scared of a little needle? 1.2111 0.05119 90 74 13 3
2427 My wife just left me. 1.2111 0.04869 90 73 15 2
2428 This decant, er, can’t hurt a bit 1.2111 0.04605 90 72 17 1
2429 Please don’t wine, it will be over before you know it. 1.2111 0.04869 90 73 15 2
2430 I twist, you shout. 1.2110 0.04137 109 87 21 1
2431 I promise... you will age better. 1.2105 0.04708 95 77 16 2
2432 Oh dear! I did not believe him when he said "I have a screwpulous solution to plug your soul from going bad". 1.2105 0.05161 95 79 12 4
2433 I promise, it's not an injection 1.2105 0.04205 95 75 20 0
2434 Step into my office for an enjoyable treatment 1.2105 0.05402 76 62 12 2
2435 This is not going to hurt at all. 1.2105 0.05717 76 63 10 3
2436 Don't be such a winer. 1.2105 0.04401 114 93 18 3
2437 I am here to relieve your pressure 1.2105 0.04574 114 94 16 4
2438 No pills,no exercise,and your weight goes down smoothly. 1.2105 0.04708 95 77 16 2
2439 The tests came back and your fluids look great. 1.2105 0.04708 95 77 16 2
2440 Just relax, it won't hurt a bit. 1.2105 0.05717 76 63 10 3
2441 So I'm just gonna take a little look inside. 1.2105 0.04940 95 78 14 3
2442 This treatment will help you breathe 1.2105 0.05067 76 61 14 1
2443 We’re just going to open you up so you can breath and then take a look at your legs. 1.2105 0.05067 76 61 14 1
2444 Think of it like this. I’ll have a bottle in front of me and you’ll have a frontal lobotomy. 1.2105 0.05374 95 80 10 5
2445 Next time on Surrealist Proctology Theater... 1.2105 0.04708 95 77 16 2
2446 I guarantee my treatment will release that pressure in your head. 1.2105 0.04463 95 76 18 1
2447 In this line of work, everyone is out to screw you. 1.2105 0.04940 95 78 14 3
2448 Don't worry you're not my first French actress 1.2105 0.05402 76 62 12 2
2449 Just wait until you hear from the billing department, they’re REALLY gonna screw you. 1.2105 0.06016 76 64 8 4
2450 Sorry Vino, but now that you have aged so wonderfully, I need to do a prostate exam. 1.2100 0.05183 100 84 11 5
2451 No, actually this procedure is closer to an enema. 1.2100 0.04777 100 82 15 3
2452 It's a simple procedure; neither one of us will feel a thing. 1.2100 0.04560 100 81 17 2
2453 Don''t worry - today's corks make the procedure completely painless for the patient. 1.2100 0.04333 100 80 19 1
2454 Don't worry. I've done this a thousand times at home. 1.2099 0.05751 81 68 9 4
2455 The lab test indicates excessive fluids throughout your system. 1.2099 0.05751 81 68 9 4
2456 Must be my lucky day !! 1.2099 0.05476 81 67 11 3
2457 Now please bend over and I’ll check your prostate. 1.2099 0.05476 81 67 11 3
2458 Once we remove it, I guarantee you'll breathe better. 1.2099 0.05187 81 66 13 2
2459 Your condition is quite common, but easily treated. 1.2099 0.05187 81 66 13 2
2460 O You've aged. 1.2099 0.04880 81 65 15 1
2461 Good news/bad news: there is no copay for this visit — but the corkage fee is $5,000. 1.2099 0.05476 81 67 11 3
2462 Don’t whine! You’ll get a lollipop, after! 1.2099 0.05476 81 67 11 3
2463 You needn't worry about this procedure -- I'll be wearing a protective glove. 1.2099 0.05476 81 67 11 3
2464 Yes, you’ll feel a little pinch, but then weight loss is guaranteed. 1.2099 0.05751 81 68 9 4
2465 Good news! Your bloodwork shows a high affinity with full-flavored cheeses! 1.2099 0.05476 81 67 11 3
2466 Insurance covers most of the visit, but not the corking fee 1.2099 0.04553 81 64 17 0
2467 All this would be easier if you were a screw cap. 1.2099 0.05187 81 66 13 2
2468 This procedure will allow you to breathe and free up some head space. 1.2099 0.05187 81 66 13 2
2469 Trust me. Something to help you breath. 1.2095 0.03991 105 83 22 0
2470 No, this can't go in your bottom. 1.2095 0.04426 105 85 18 2
2471 We do these procedures all the time. I think you'll find that letting in some air will improve things markedly. 1.2095 0.04628 105 86 16 3
2472 I was hoping you could stop by for a drink. 1.2093 0.05758 86 73 8 5
2473 Show me yours - and I'll show you mine. 1.2093 0.05261 86 71 12 3
2474 Good news! You're all grapes! 1.2093 0.05515 86 72 10 4
2475 I hear dancing is good to relieve stress. Have you ever heard of The Twist? 1.2093 0.05261 86 71 12 3
2476 So I hear you’re having some trouble breathing? 1.2093 0.04994 86 70 14 2
2477 This procedure won't drain you, trust me I'm a doctor. 1.2093 0.04994 86 70 14 2
2478 I suspect some sort of fluid buildup… Not to worry, I can take care of it :-) 1.2093 0.05261 86 71 12 3
2479 You’ll barely notice it. 1.2093 0.05261 86 71 12 3
2480 You said you didn't have insurance? 1.2091 0.04674 110 91 15 4
2481 You need to breathe. But first...... 1.2090 0.05839 67 55 10 2
2482 Will have to pop open your noggin before I can examine your legs. 1.2090 0.05839 67 55 10 2
2483 In other words, you're screwed. 1.2090 0.05839 67 55 10 2
2484 You're going to feel a little pinch... followed by a loud popping sound. 1.2088 0.04284 91 72 19 0
2485 The bottle in front of me is about to get a frontal lobotomy. 1.2088 0.04560 91 73 17 1
2486 Yes, I'm afraid we're going to operate. On the plus side, you'll be paired with a nice, juicy steak. 1.2088 0.04560 91 73 17 1
2487 You're aging beautifully—it's the best time of your life. 1.2088 0.04821 91 74 15 2
2488 It seems as if your “vino” is about to get “veritas”!! 1.2088 0.04821 91 74 15 2
2489 Where did you say you’re from? 1.2088 0.05303 91 76 11 4
2490 It’s called a lobottlemy. 1.2088 0.05529 91 77 9 5
2491 Don’t worry. You will just feel a pinch and then you will be able to breathe. 1.2088 0.04560 91 73 17 1
2492 'Screwtop,' you say. 'Well, we'll see about that.' 1.2088 0.04821 91 74 15 2
2493 Why don't we start with a little off the top? 1.2088 0.04560 91 73 17 1
2494 The chest are good! So…! 1.2088 0.05068 91 75 13 3
2495 Just relax your neck. 1.2088 0.05068 91 75 13 3
2496 Trust me, it will be an uplifting experience. 1.2088 0.04284 91 72 19 0
2497 I’ve gotta warn you though…it won’t ever feel quite the same if you want it back in. 1.2088 0.05068 91 75 13 3
2498 I promise I’ll be very gentle. 1.2087 0.04537 115 95 16 4
2499 Yes, I'm bored certified. 1.2083 0.04663 96 78 16 2
2500 I need a red blood cell sample and it won't hurt a bit. 1.2083 0.05112 96 80 12 4
2501 You will just feel a little prick and then everyone will fell better 1.2083 0.05573 72 59 11 2
2502 Relax! According to 90% of the studies I’ve seen on the news, you’re healthy. 1.2083 0.05210 72 58 13 1
2503 Not you again . . . 1.2083 0.05210 72 58 13 1
2504 Take a pairing and call me in the morning. 1.2083 0.05913 72 60 9 3
2505 Its a little like anal intercouse. You won't mind it A bit. 1.2083 0.05573 72 59 11 2
2506 Don't worry, it's just a simple procedure. I've done hundreds of these. You'll be back on your feet in no time! 1.2083 0.05112 96 80 12 4
2507 I’need you to be open with me. 1.2083 0.04167 96 76 20 0
2508 Just don’t look and you’ll be fine. 1.2083 0.04893 96 79 14 3
2509 Hey, how ya doin? 1.2083 0.04893 96 79 14 3
2510 Is this covered by my insurance? 1.2083 0.06235 72 61 7 4
2511 Today YOU are going to make ME feel better 1.2083 0.05913 72 60 9 3
2512 I'll release the pressure and you'll feel the BEST you have EVER felt in your life. 1.2079 0.04295 101 81 19 1
2513 I need to remove the obstruction. 1.2079 0.04734 101 83 15 3
2514 Surprise! 1.2079 0.04295 101 81 19 1
2515 I never screw up, but in this case... 1.2079 0.04939 101 84 13 4
2516 You should come for physicals more regularly 1.2079 0.04520 101 82 17 2
2517 But I don't feel loved afterward, I just feel empty and screwed! 1.2078 0.05008 77 62 14 1
2518 When a man sees me with this tool, he runs from the room. 1.2078 0.05944 77 65 8 4
2519 Don't worry, I'm just going to screw around with you so you can breathe easier. 1.2078 0.05649 77 64 10 3
2520 At your age, you shouldn't really give a shit if it hurts or not. 1.2078 0.05649 77 64 10 3
2521 You will feel a sharp jab and then a draining sensation. 1.2078 0.05649 77 64 10 3
2522 I'll be frank, Franc 1.2078 0.05649 77 64 10 3
2523 Let's make sure you're really improving with age. 1.2078 0.05338 77 63 12 2
2524 Unfortunately your insurance doesn’t cover corkage. 1.2078 0.05008 77 62 14 1
2525 Bend over and say ah 1.2078 0.05649 77 64 10 3
2526 I'm gonna need you to trust me on this one... 1.2078 0.05338 77 63 12 2
2527 Don't worry, it's 5 o'clock somewhere 1.2078 0.05944 77 65 8 4
2528 This will only hurt for a moment. The good news is: they're not big drinkers at the table, so you'll be around for quite a while. 1.2078 0.05944 77 65 8 4
2529 Relax. You’re not going to get screwed. 1.2078 0.05649 77 64 10 3
2530 Open up, please 1.2078 0.05008 77 62 14 1
2531 It's a simple procedure but has a complex finish. 1.2078 0.05338 77 63 12 2
2532 I might have a drinking problem 1.2078 0.05338 77 63 12 2
2533 I have a technique that's going to help you breathe. 1.2073 0.05415 82 68 11 3
2534 It's a little procedure to help those of your age to you loosen up and breath. 1.2073 0.05415 82 68 11 3
2535 Doctor, put that thing away before I blow my cork. 1.2073 0.04827 82 66 15 1
2536 Open wide! 1.2073 0.05129 82 67 13 2
2537 There'll be a little sting 1.2073 0.05129 82 67 13 2
2538 We find this procedure is tolerated quite well in most cases. 1.2073 0.05415 82 68 11 3
2539 Would you be offended if I said you were the most full bodied red I’ve ever operated on? 1.2073 0.05945 82 70 7 5
2540 I promise, as a Doctor of Internal Medicine, you are a panacea. 1.2073 0.05129 82 67 13 2
2541 Trust me-- after this you’ll be able to breathe 1.2073 0.05415 82 68 11 3
2542 I see that you've been under a lot of pressure lately. I have something that I think will help. 1.2073 0.04827 82 66 15 1
2543 Just a small incision and we will have that fluid drained for you. 1.2073 0.05129 82 67 13 2
2544 The French pioneered this procedure. 1.2073 0.05129 82 67 13 2
2545 Good news! We’ve found a solution for your fluid retention issue. 1.2073 0.05129 82 67 13 2
2546 First the good news—you were born in a very tasty year. 1.2073 0.05415 82 68 11 3
2547 You've got great legs 1.2073 0.05129 82 67 13 2
2548 How do I screw thee? Let me count the ways. 1.2073 0.05415 82 68 11 3
2549 It won't hurt, but you may let out a little wine. 1.2073 0.05129 82 67 13 2
2550 At your age, this is common; don’t pop your cork over it. 1.2073 0.05129 82 67 13 2
2551 I'm a doctor, I'd never screw you over. 1.2073 0.04504 82 65 17 0
2552 Don't worry, it's minimally invasive. I'm just going to have a quick look inside. 1.2072 0.04267 111 90 19 2
2553 I'm not sure if this is ethically questionable, but I'm going to prescribe myself a glass of you. 1.2072 0.04455 111 91 17 3
2554 Decanting is truly the best way to address what's bottled up. 1.2069 0.04942 87 71 14 2
2555 I'm not really a doctor I just play one in commercials. 1.2069 0.04942 87 71 14 2
2556 Open wide and let's take a look. 1.2069 0.05456 87 73 10 4
2557 Just a little poke. Remember that you're doing this for the good of your community. 1.2069 0.05456 87 73 10 4
2558 Well, it's actually BECAUSE of your vintage that I feel we need to move forward with this procedure. 1.2069 0.05456 87 73 10 4
2559 You could say that this is a once in a lifetime type procedure. 1.2069 0.04942 87 71 14 2
2560 We serve no wine before it's time and lucky for me, It's time! 1.2069 0.04664 87 70 16 1
2561 Now that you've aged... 1.2069 0.05206 87 72 12 3
2562 Relax, all your friends are doing it. 1.2069 0.05206 87 72 12 3
2563 This next procedure will allow you to breath better 1.2069 0.05206 87 72 12 3
2564 Nurse Ratched will be in shortly to assist with the procedure. 1.2069 0.04942 87 71 14 2
2565 My diagnosis is you're soon to be screwed. 1.2065 0.04516 92 74 17 1
2566 This will help with that bloated feeling. 1.2065 0.04773 92 75 15 2
2567 We just need a small sample for your lab work. 1.2065 0.04516 92 74 17 1
2568 No, aeration isn't entirely non-invasive. 1.2065 0.04516 92 74 17 1
2569 Just to be sure, we're going to need a five-ounce sample. 1.2065 0.04516 92 74 17 1
2570 This will only hurt a little. 1.2065 0.05017 92 76 13 3
2571 I'll be the first to admit it, Vinny -- you're getting screwed. 1.2065 0.05250 92 77 11 4
2572 Are you just going to sit there and wine all day? 1.2065 0.05017 92 76 13 3
2573 You may feel a slight pushing sensation during the procedure. 1.2065 0.04244 92 73 19 0
2574 You've come through the examination with flying colours. Whad'ya say we celebrate? 1.2065 0.05250 92 77 11 4
2575 Wait a minute! I thought the guidelines said I didn't need this for ten years. 1.2065 0.04773 92 75 15 2
2576 While invasive this test is recommended for those as well aged as you. 1.2065 0.04244 92 73 19 0
2577 Yes, it'll help you breathe but the corkage fee is all out-of-pocket. 1.2065 0.05017 92 76 13 3
2578 I took your case to an oenologist and guess what? We're in complete agreement. 1.2062 0.05064 97 81 12 4
2579 You want to know if it’s treatable, for someone of your vintage? It’s not only treatable, it’s going to be quite enjoyable. 1.2062 0.05064 97 81 12 4
2580 Not to worry. The corking fee is covered by your HMO. 1.2062 0.04381 97 78 18 1
2581 Remain distilled and breathe. 1.2062 0.04620 97 79 16 2
2582 I see you getting screwed in the very near future.... 1.2062 0.04381 97 78 18 1
2583 Constipation? Feeling bottled up? I have just the cure. 1.2062 0.04847 97 80 14 3
2584 I will need a blood sample after all, Mr. Chianti. You’ll pair nicely with my next patient, Mr. Parmigiana. 1.2062 0.04620 97 79 16 2
2585 This is gonna hurt you more than it is me! 1.2062 0.04381 97 78 18 1
2586 You are about to give birth to a healthy rosé. 1.2062 0.05271 97 82 10 5
2587 Would you prefer a colonoscopy? 1.2059 0.05760 68 56 10 2
2588 I think I can help you lose some weight. 1.2059 0.04258 102 82 19 1
2589 Hi! I'm Doctor Sokol and I've come to take your temperature. 1.2059 0.04258 102 82 19 1
2590 You’ll love the new you after the decanting procedure. 1.2059 0.04940 68 54 14 0
2591 I promise you'll only feel a little pinch." Barbara Frankel, Davis, C 1.2059 0.04692 102 84 15 3
2592 Screwed again? 1.2055 0.05839 73 61 9 3
2593 ....but you'll breathe so much better when it's over... 1.2055 0.05503 73 60 11 2
2594 Afterwards just breathe.....then cough 1.2055 0.05839 73 61 9 3
2595 The good news is that we can rule constipation out. 1.2055 0.05839 73 61 9 3
2596 Just lie back and relax. You might feel just a slight pinch. 1.2054 0.04233 112 91 19 2
2597 I understand you're having trouble breathing. 1.2051 0.04602 78 62 16 0
2598 Having trouble breathing? 1.2051 0.04950 78 63 14 1
2599 It's a win-win. You'll feel less bottled up. And I'll be smashed. 1.2051 0.05583 78 65 10 3
2600 You were assigned red but you've always felt white, so I'm going to make you the first trans wine. 1.2051 0.05873 78 66 8 4
2601 Cheese probe? 1.2051 0.05276 78 64 12 2
2602 It's nothing, simply a back scratcher 1.2048 0.05355 83 69 11 3
2603 Take off your pants. 1.2048 0.05355 83 69 11 3
2604 Don’t worry. It’s just like a normal rectal exam. 1.2048 0.05355 83 69 11 3
2605 I promise I won’t screw you up! 1.2048 0.04775 83 67 15 1
2606 No worries! Some corks get a kick out of it! 1.2048 0.05355 83 69 11 3
2607 Trust me. I have the solution to relieve your headache. 1.2048 0.05073 83 68 13 2
2608 This will only sting for a second. 1.2048 0.05355 83 69 11 3
2609 I have just the thing to relieve your alchohol dependence. 1.2048 0.05355 83 69 11 3
2610 You are about to be screwed. 1.2048 0.05878 83 71 7 5
2611 Remember that old saying, "I'd rather have a bottle in front of me ..." 1.2048 0.05623 83 70 9 4
2612 I promise to be gentle. 1.2048 0.04775 83 67 15 1
2613 Did I say glass? Oh, ha! I meant vial. We just need a vial 1.2048 0.05623 83 70 9 4
2614 so I says to the rabbi, the priest.. 1.2048 0.05355 83 69 11 3
2615 It's just a routine cork up, nothing serious 1.2048 0.05355 83 69 11 3
2616 If you think you're about to get screwed now, just wait until you see the bill. 1.2045 0.05399 88 74 10 4
2617 Someone told me it's your birthday. How many years has it been? 1.2045 0.05863 88 76 6 6
2618 Oh quit your whining, see what I did there? But really this is going to hurt. 1.2045 0.04617 88 71 16 1
2619 Time to uncork? Or wait for the fuller body? 1.2045 0.04891 88 72 14 2
2620 You’ll feel a small pinch, but after the pressure is released, you’ll feel so much better. 1.2045 0.04891 88 72 14 2
2621 You'll only feel a little pinch. 1.2045 0.04891 88 72 14 2
2622 I think you’re a great candidate for a revolutionary weight-loss program. 1.2045 0.05399 88 74 10 4
2623 Does it help to know you will be served at the indictment party?" 1.2045 0.04617 88 71 16 1
2624 This calls for a corkectomy. 1.2045 0.04891 88 72 14 2
2625 We send the sample to the lab for analysis with aged gouda. 1.2045 0.04617 88 71 16 1
2626 I'm afraid that everyday can't be a rosé day. 1.2045 0.04891 88 72 14 2
2627 Well yes, it is like acupuncture, in a roundabout sort of way. 😁 1.2045 0.05399 88 74 10 4
2628 Typically you have to wait for insurance to get screwed this big. 1.2045 0.05636 88 75 8 5
2629 This will only hurt just a drop 1.2045 0.04891 88 72 14 2
2630 I apologize for the long wait, but I am now ready to serve you. 1.2043 0.04204 93 74 19 0
2631 So what do you think doctor? Am I screwed? 1.2043 0.05198 93 78 11 4
2632 The good news is that we won't be using any needles... 1.2043 0.04727 93 76 15 2
2633 The prune juice isn't working, Doc. I need some relief. 1.2043 0.04727 93 76 15 2
2634 You aren’t going to cork, but you are still screwed. 1.2043 0.04727 93 76 15 2
2635 Now just turn you head and cough. 1.2043 0.05630 93 80 7 6
2636 Ever have a corkonoscopy? 1.2043 0.05198 93 78 11 4
2637 Just one more little procedure,and then we can have a drink. 1.2043 0.04727 93 76 15 2
2638 Top or bottom? 1.2043 0.04727 93 76 15 2
2639 You’ll be happy to know that there is no co-pay for this procedure 1.2043 0.04968 93 77 13 3
2640 I assure you, there’ll be no corkage fee. 1.2043 0.04968 93 77 13 3
2641 No, but I drank a lot of beer in college. 1.2043 0.04473 93 75 17 1
2642 Now you are going to feel a tiny pinch. 1.2041 0.04577 98 80 16 2
2643 I can remove that, but your insurance won't cover the corking fee. 1.2041 0.04577 98 80 16 2
2644 I’ve done this a thousand times. You’ll feel clean as a whistle. 1.2041 0.04802 98 81 14 3
2645 We need a little larger blood draw than usual. 1.2041 0.04577 98 80 16 2
2646 You’ll just feel a minor pinch. 1.2041 0.04577 98 80 16 2
2647 Now, we need to check this bitter aftertaste that you're experiencing 1.2041 0.04577 98 80 16 2
2648 I'll need you to bend over. 1.2039 0.05043 103 87 11 5
2649 Relax! This will hurt me more than it hurts you. 1.2039 0.04441 103 84 17 2
2650 The good news is I don't need to check your prostate today. 1.2037 0.04880 108 91 12 5
2651 Don't worry, it's just a quick little stick. You won't feel it at all! 1.2037 0.04699 108 90 14 4
2652 Unfortunately your insurance doesn’t cover cork removal. 1.2037 0.04699 108 90 14 4
2653 Oh, don't worry. No finger this time. 1.2037 0.04511 108 89 16 3
2654 You won't even notice it! 1.2031 0.06370 64 54 7 3
2655 It has to come out! 1.2031 0.05537 64 52 11 1
2656 You will breathe better after this. 1.2029 0.05684 69 57 10 2
2657 It’s happy hour for everyone… except you. 1.2029 0.05296 69 56 12 1
2658 So your insurance doesn't cover twist offs. 1.2029 0.05684 69 57 10 2
2659 Ve haf vays to relieve your liquid assets blockage. 1.2027 0.05766 74 62 9 3
2660 Why Mr. Cabernet, what a nice long nose you have... 1.2027 0.05435 74 61 11 2
2661 I like a full body with a great bouquet. 1.2027 0.05766 74 62 9 3
2662 You did say you wanted a leading role. 1.2027 0.05766 74 62 9 3
2663 please face your label towards me and it will all be over in mere seconds. 1.2027 0.05083 74 60 13 1
2664 Cheer up--your body's fine, and your nose is even finer! 1.2027 0.05083 74 60 13 1
2665 It’s not too painful, although it might make you whine. 1.2027 0.05083 74 60 13 1
2666 So, how did the prep go? 1.2027 0.05083 74 60 13 1
2667 Ever heard of trephining? 1.2025 0.04894 79 64 14 1
2668 This procedure beats antacids! 1.2025 0.04894 79 64 14 1
2669 So you requested dance therapy. Let's start with a quick Twist. 1.2025 0.04894 79 64 14 1
2670 I'll have this bottle open faster than you can say "malpractice"! 1.2025 0.05804 79 67 8 4
2671 We need to test for secondary and tertiary aromas. 1.2025 0.05215 79 65 12 2
2672 This is a minimally invasive procedure 1.2025 0.05518 79 66 10 3
2673 Did you drink all of the prep stuff? 1.2025 0.05215 79 65 12 2
2674 And now for your corkonoscopy! 1.2025 0.05804 79 67 8 4
2675 It's relatively non-invasive and the side effects include permanent loss of cork and contents. But your complexion will be much clearer! 1.2025 0.05518 79 66 10 3
2676 The Rhône Valley is out of network, but this procedure is free to anyone over 50. 1.2025 0.04894 79 64 14 1
2677 You'll be fine once we've relieved the pressure on your brain 1.2025 0.05804 79 67 8 4
2678 No,really,it won’t hurt a bit. 1.2025 0.05518 79 66 10 3
2679 Take a deep breath, this won’t hurt a bit 1.2025 0.05215 79 65 12 2
2680 Given your age we’ll need a full body exam. 1.2024 0.05297 84 70 11 3
2681 You'll just feel a burning sensation. 1.2024 0.05561 84 71 9 4
2682 A frontal lobotomy on a bottle in front of me! 1.2024 0.05297 84 70 11 3
2683 Remember when I described how wine can cause headaches? 1.2024 0.05019 84 69 13 2
2684 Don't worry, I've done this procedure a million times. And I graduated at the bottom of my glass! 1.2024 0.05813 84 72 7 5
2685 I'm with the government and I'm here to help. 1.2024 0.05019 84 69 13 2
2686 Oh I'm not a doctor. I'm a sommelier, and I'll be serving you after your routine corkectomy. 1.2024 0.05813 84 72 7 5
2687 No, I'm quite sure you won't need a repeat in 5 years. 1.2024 0.04410 84 67 17 0
2688 Now just breathe." 1.2024 0.04410 84 67 17 0
2689 I prefer to think of it as a release of your inner goodness! 1.2024 0.04724 84 68 15 1
2690 It's just a quick procedure to drain excess fluid. 1.2024 0.05297 84 70 11 3
2691 The nurse said you are at room temperature, so that's very exciting. 1.2024 0.05561 84 71 9 4
2692 I'm your designated doctor. 1.2024 0.05019 84 69 13 2
2693 Good news. I’ve got something for that ‘bottled-up’ feeling you’ve been complaining about. 1.2024 0.04410 84 67 17 0
2694 I’m under a lot of pressure. I need something to take the edge off. Relax, this will help you breathe a little easier. 1.2024 0.05561 84 71 9 4
2695 I’m really afraid of needles. Don’t worry, we won’t be using any needles today. 1.2024 0.05297 84 70 11 3
2696 After all, you can't spell terroir without terror 1.2022 0.05099 89 74 12 3
2697 Just bend forward; it won't hurt a bit. 1.2022 0.05099 89 74 12 3
2698 This should relieve your constipation and, trust me, won't hurt a bit 1.2022 0.04842 89 73 14 2
2699 As luck would have it, you are my last patient on what has been a very busy Friday. 1.2022 0.05343 89 75 10 4
2700 I'm just going to take a little fluid off your brain. 1.2022 0.04842 89 73 14 2
2701 It's the most effective treatment for your tannic attacks. 1.2022 0.04842 89 73 14 2
2702 But Doc, I said "shrewd!" 1.2022 0.05099 89 74 12 3
2703 Trust me, it works for any age. It'll relieve that stuffy, congested feeling. 1.2022 0.05099 89 74 12 3
2704 This might tickle a little but trust me you’re going to feel 25 ounces lighter when we’re done! 1.2022 0.05099 89 74 12 3
2705 Yes, fine is a good way to describe how you're aging, however, there is one more test... 1.2022 0.05099 89 74 12 3
2706 A corkectomy is like a vasectomy….with just a bit more leakage. 1.2022 0.04842 89 73 14 2
2707 In med school I did a rotation as a sommelier. 1.2022 0.04842 89 73 14 2
2708 Your cork isn't the only thing that's going to get screwed tonight! 1.2022 0.04842 89 73 14 2
2709 Turn around, and cough for me 1.2022 0.04842 89 73 14 2
2710 Good News! You've just been selected to receive our wine lobotomy of the month. 1.2021 0.04920 94 78 13 3
2711 I’m here to help you pour out your feelings of despair 1.2021 0.04920 94 78 13 3
2712 I have just the right tool to help you breathe. 1.2021 0.04430 94 76 17 1
2713 May I buy you dinner? 1.2021 0.05574 94 81 7 6
2714 Let’s relieve some of that pressure you’ve been feeling.” 1.2021 0.04920 94 78 13 3
2715 Try to relax as much as possible. It'll just be a little pinch. 1.2021 0.04682 94 77 15 2
2716 Just take a deep breath and breathe. 1.2021 0.04920 94 78 13 3
2717 A routine decanting is recommended every five years. 1.2021 0.04920 94 78 13 3
2718 It's widely recommended for a wine or your bottle age. 1.2020 0.04758 99 82 14 3
2719 Don't worry, we've done this procedure many times, and I can assure you we've never screwed up..." 1.2020 0.04536 99 81 16 2
2720 Don't be scared, I just have a few screws loose. 1.2020 0.04969 99 83 12 4
2721 Congratulations! You are old enough to get screwed. 1.2020 0.04758 99 82 14 3
2722 It won't hurt. I'm a Proctologist 1.2020 0.04056 99 79 20 0
2723 No, I won't be using this to check your prostrate. 1.2020 0.04758 99 82 14 3
2724 I prefer to have a bottle in front of me, than a... 1.2020 0.04302 99 80 18 1
2725 Surgery? Give me a moment to breathe... 1.2000 0.04839 80 65 14 1
2726 Relax, it won't hurt a bit! 1.2000 0.05454 80 67 10 3
2727 Only one last time I get to screw you. 1.2000 0.04020 100 80 20 0
2728 Time to check your legs! 1.2000 0.04364 105 86 17 2
2729 The good news is, having a glass of red wine is good for MY heart... 1.2000 0.04793 90 74 14 2
2730 I think I can help you with your breathing problem, Mr. Merlot. 1.2000 0.05228 70 57 12 1
2731 I have just the thing to remove that congestion so you can breathe. 1.2000 0.04126 95 76 19 0
2732 We've developed a new, experimental treatment to help you open up. 1.2000 0.04674 85 69 15 1
2733 Now, if you could please bend over... 1.2000 0.05156 80 66 12 2
2734 Fortunately, we have the latest technology for your, ahem, examination... 1.2000 0.04965 85 70 13 2
2735 You are in peak condition! 1.2000 0.05369 75 62 11 2
2736 Just think of it as a shorter colonoscopy. 1.2000 0.05156 80 66 12 2
2737 What makes you think you will be screwed? 1.2000 0.05239 85 71 11 3
2738 Trust me, bottling it all up is bad for your vintage 1.2000 0.05737 80 68 8 4
2739 It is just a little pinch. 1.2000 0.04965 85 70 13 2
2740 It sounds like you're a bit stopped up. I've got just the thing! 1.2000 0.04674 85 69 15 1
2741 The other doctors are in the lunch room. Let’s go get a second opinion. 1.2000 0.05454 80 67 10 3
2742 I have a surprise for you on your 25th birthday! 1.2000 0.05369 75 62 11 2
2743 Are you ready for your Opening? 1.2000 0.05047 90 75 12 3
2744 Once screwed, the juice will start flowing 1.2000 0.05156 80 66 12 2
2745 It was at this moment, I knew I was screwed. 1.2000 0.04872 95 79 13 3
2746 I think you'll breathe better if we take a look inside and see whats bottling you up 1.2000 0.05156 80 66 12 2
2747 Don’t worry, it’s just a little something to help you breathe. 1.2000 0.04839 80 65 14 1
2748 Great news. You don't need a colonoscopy today. 1.2000 0.05967 70 59 8 3
2749 You may hear a small pop, but that nothing to worry about 1.2000 0.05737 80 68 8 4
2750 You may experience a little discomfort but it will help you breathe. 1.2000 0.04364 105 86 17 2
2751 Patients usually get used to the screw cap very quickly after cork replacement surgery. 1.2000 0.05695 75 63 9 3
2752 You only feel empty after a corkotomy 1.2000 0.04674 85 69 15 1
2753 You should be feeling high, not low 1.2000 0.04674 85 69 15 1
2754 As your psychiatrist, I say you must release your spirits. 1.2000 0.05156 80 66 12 2
2755 Don't worry! I won't screw you with a big bill. 1.2000 0.05239 85 71 11 3
2756 I have something that will letyou breathe. 1.2000 0.04839 80 65 14 1
2757 I can perform a procedure that will make you breath easier, but it may leave you feeling a bit empty. 1.2000 0.05369 75 62 11 2
2758 No, no, there's absolutely nothing to whine about. 1.2000 0.04389 95 77 17 1
2759 As far as medical conditions go yours is a corker but what the hell let’s just screw it. 1.2000 0.05737 80 68 8 4
2760 Now, now. No whining. 1.2000 0.04839 80 65 14 1
2761 I expect to be kissed first. 1.2000 0.05156 80 66 12 2
2762 Yeah, you're screwed! 1.2000 0.05156 80 66 12 2
2763 It's called a taste test. 1.2000 0.05239 85 71 11 3
2764 Well, it certainly gives new meaning to "wine nose". 1.2000 0.05239 85 71 11 3
2765 No health insurance? Not to worry. 1.2000 0.05460 65 53 11 1
2766 I want to see what you got in your head 1.2000 0.05022 75 61 13 1
2767 Uh,that was definitely not on my Fetlife profile. 1.2000 0.05156 80 66 12 2
2768 We all agree on the prognosis. You have a coastal California cab with a fruity, berry nose, and a toasty finish that needs to be removed immediately. 1.2000 0.05454 80 67 10 3
2769 I want you to just breathe! 1.2000 0.04793 90 74 14 2
2770 I'll give you some time to chill, then open you up for a few tests. 1.2000 0.04500 80 64 16 0
2771 Not to worry, you will begin breathing almost immediately. 1.2000 0.04839 80 65 14 1
2772 Don't worry, soon you'll be able to breathe. 1.2000 0.05883 65 54 9 2
2773 It was widely successful in clinical trial, reducing bottle neck pain in 1990 vintages and earlier. 1.2000 0.04637 95 78 15 2
2774 It comes with age, Willie. I promise it won't hurt. 1.2000 0.05737 80 68 8 4
2775 You will good as nouveau after this procedure. 1.2000 0.04650 75 60 15 0
2776 Well, Mr. Noir, I’m happy to report that you’re a universal donor. 1.2000 0.05454 80 67 10 3
2777 Unfortunately it’s a shame you don’t have a screw top. 1.2000 0.05156 80 66 12 2
2778 Not to worry. I never work from the rear. 1.2000 0.04389 95 77 17 1
2779 Guess what - you won't be saving yourself for your wedding! 1.2000 0.04965 85 70 13 2
2780 Yes, it’s invasive, but you’ll be 8 ounces lighter in no time. 1.2000 0.05156 80 66 12 2
2781 Being a sommelier is my side hustle. 1.2000 0.05047 90 75 12 3
2782 Actually, lobotomies for your condition have increased significantly since 2020 1.2000 0.04766 105 88 13 4
2783 Congratulations!! Your cancer is in remission. 1.2000 0.05500 85 72 9 4
2784 I’d rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy. You’ll get the opposite, I’m afraid 1.2000 0.05156 80 66 12 2
2785 'Don't be upset Mon Ami, you're not the only one who has screwed up' . 1.2000 0.04637 95 78 15 2
2786 This process will help you unwind, Ma'am 1.2000 0.05454 80 67 10 3
2787 Listen to me, Steven. I'm your mother. You're having a crisis. 1.2000 0.05156 80 66 12 2
2788 Trust me, Doc! I’m 52 weeks sober now.” “Let’s check, shall we? 1.2000 0.06006 80 69 6 5
2789 Would the bottle in front of me like a frontal lobotomy? 1.2000 0.05097 95 80 11 4
2790 Stop bottling up your feelings and let it all out 1.2000 0.05695 75 63 9 3
2791 I assure you, they are thrilled that you will join them for dinner. In fact, I believe I heard them saying how they will raise their glass to commemorate you 1.2000 0.05454 80 67 10 3
2792 You'll just feel a little twist and a pinch. 1.1981 0.04327 106 87 17 2
2793 THIS WON'T HURT A BIT WITH ALL THAT ALCOHOL IN YOU. 1.1980 0.04671 101 84 14 3
2794 No, no, no. We have modern medicine for a hangover. Just Relax. 1.1980 0.04671 101 84 14 3
2795 You could at least buy me dinner first. 1.1980 0.04454 101 83 16 2
2796 I promise I do this procedure all the time 1.1979 0.04826 96 80 13 3
2797 Just think of all the joy you will bring to the table. 1.1979 0.05048 96 81 11 4
2798 You may feel a pinch. I will then give you mouth to mouth. 1.1979 0.05048 96 81 11 4
2799 It’s a quick procedure, and then I’ll feel much better. 1.1979 0.04826 96 80 13 3
2800 I'm afraid you'll have to stay here overnight, your blood alcohol levels are to high to perform the procedure 1.1979 0.05048 96 81 11 4
2801 They told you it wouldn't hurt? Well, they lied. 1.1978 0.04480 91 74 16 1
2802 Please turn your head and cough. 1.1978 0.04996 91 76 12 3
2803 Ah, Mr. Rothschild, our records indicate that you were born in 1947...is that true? 1.1978 0.04996 91 76 12 3
2804 A corkscrew a day keeps the doctor away. 1.1978 0.04996 91 76 12 3
2805 Sometimes, rarely, the screw cap is better. 1.1978 0.05234 91 77 10 4
2806 It’s ok Kendall, most men whine when I do this. 1.1978 0.04199 91 73 18 0
2807 We’ll need to decant a few samples and run a few tastes.. sorry, tests 1.1978 0.04745 91 75 14 2
2808 I said trepanation,not trepidation. 1.1978 0.04480 91 74 16 1
2809 In pouring over your records, I think I found just the thing for you. 1.1978 0.04996 91 76 12 3
2810 Once I remove it you will be able to breath. 1.1978 0.04996 91 76 12 3
2811 Please don’t spill from the sample cup later! 1.1978 0.04996 91 76 12 3
2812 I'm happy to report that you're an alcoholic. 1.1977 0.05183 86 72 11 3
2813 Your labs came back a little Merlot, so we’re going to let you breathe for a bit… 1.1977 0.04625 86 70 15 1
2814 Remember how you said you wanted to lose some weight? 1.1977 0.04320 86 69 17 0
2815 This would be less painful if you were a screw top. 1.1977 0.04912 86 71 13 2
2816 So far everything looks good on your physical. Now, let's check that prostate. 1.1977 0.05441 86 73 9 4
2817 At your age, it’s a surprisingly effective treatment for feeling bottled up. Therapy is not required! 1.1977 0.05183 86 72 11 3
2818 Can I pick your brain for a minute? 1.1977 0.04625 86 70 15 1
2819 Scoot all the way to the end of the table and breath. 1.1977 0.05183 86 72 11 3
2820 Relax, I just wanna take some pictures of ya. 1.1977 0.04625 86 70 15 1
2821 You're completely healthy. So let's open you up. 1.1975 0.05671 81 69 8 4
2822 Welcome to Midtown Urology! 1.1975 0.04451 81 65 16 0
2823 It's a relatively painless procedure that should pair excellently with our third course. 1.1975 0.05098 81 67 12 2
2824 Unfortunately, your insurance doesn’t cover my corkage fee. 1.1975 0.05098 81 67 12 2
2825 So, basically, you're saying, "I'm screwed." 1.1975 0.05098 81 67 12 2
2826 We'll have that veritas out in no time. 1.1975 0.04785 81 66 14 1
2827 You get to keep the corkscrew as a souvenir. 1.1975 0.04785 81 66 14 1
2828 Trust me! I just want to relieve your headache pressure. 1.1975 0.05392 81 68 10 3
2829 Not to worry. We’re just replacing a cap. It’s a simple procedure. The nova cane will dull the pain. 1.1975 0.05937 81 70 6 5
2830 This is going to hurt you more than me. 1.1975 0.04785 81 66 14 1
2831 There's no charge for the following procedure. We'll just call it even. 1.1975 0.05392 81 68 10 3
2832 It’s just a shot, you won’t feel drunk 1.1975 0.04451 81 65 16 0
2833 We’re going to have to decant your insides for further examination. 1.1975 0.05098 81 67 12 2
2834 I’ll just need a small sample, Mr. Sauvignon. 1.1975 0.05098 81 67 12 2
2835 Some patients experience mild discomfort during this weight loss procedure. 1.1974 0.05305 76 63 11 2
2836 And you thought the insurance company was going to screw you. 1.1974 0.05929 76 65 7 4
2837 Whining will get you nowhere. 1.1974 0.05626 76 64 9 3
2838 Remember when you said "I don't need a screw top"? 1.1974 0.04596 76 61 15 0
2839 Since the bran and laxatives didn't help, I have another, sure-fire solution 1.1974 0.04596 76 61 15 0
2840 You'll be screwed one day or another. 1.1974 0.04963 76 62 13 1
2841 Oh nothing...just an unscrewy idea! 1.1974 0.05626 76 64 9 3
2842 You know that old 'no wine before it's time' thing? Well... 1.1972 0.05537 71 59 10 2
2843 I think you just need to breathe a little. 1.1972 0.05161 71 58 12 1
2844 Before we begin, I promise you won't feel a thing. 1.1972 0.05890 71 60 8 3
2845 I’ve performed this lobotomy at least once every evening. 1.1964 0.04176 112 92 18 2
2846 It's the new prep for your colonoscopy. 1.1963 0.04868 107 91 11 5
2847 You got me breathing but why do you seem even more enthusiastic to see if I have legs? 1.1961 0.04835 102 86 12 4
2848 Don't worry, I won't forget to let you breathe. 1.1961 0.04415 102 84 16 2
2849 Standard procedure. 1.1961 0.04415 102 84 16 2
2850 Trust me, I'm not trying to screw you." Andy Mathieson, Los Angeles, C 1.1959 0.05000 97 82 11 4
2851 Most of my patients aren't that grapeful. 1.1959 0.04051 97 78 19 0
2852 I'm here for your vino-oscopy, are you ready for your close up? 1.1959 0.04780 97 81 13 3
2853 And would you say the pressure at work is getting worse? 1.1959 0.04780 97 81 13 3
2854 The good news is your tannins came back perfect; the bad news is we recommend drink now. 1.1957 0.04698 92 76 14 2
2855 I have a surprise we can use to celebrate your birthday. 1.1957 0.04437 92 75 16 1
2856 I'm afraid your screw cap is quite inconsequential. 1.1957 0.04437 92 75 16 1
2857 This won’t hurt and it will allow you to breathe. 1.1957 0.05182 92 78 10 4
2858 As a proctologist, you wouldn't believe what I've uncorked. 1.1957 0.04698 92 76 14 2
2859 Have you ever heard of bloodletting? 1.1957 0.04946 92 77 12 3
2860 Believe me, this is going to hurt me more than you. 1.1957 0.04698 92 76 14 2
2861 You're allergic to cork. 1.1954 0.04578 87 71 15 1
2862 After the surgery you might feel a bit empty. 1.1954 0.04276 87 70 17 0
2863 Why yes, I am a divorce lawyer, how did you know? 1.1954 0.05128 87 73 11 3
2864 You are finally facing on your problem. 1.1954 0.05128 87 73 11 3
2865 Are you ready for your corkectomy? 1.1954 0.04578 87 71 15 1
2866 Now I'm going to test your prostate. 1.1954 0.04861 87 72 13 2
2867 Good news. Your medical insurance covers corkage fees. 1.1954 0.05128 87 73 11 3
2868 ''Doctor's Orders!" 1.1954 0.05128 87 73 11 3
2869 Just a little pressure and then you'll be able to breathe. 1.1954 0.04578 87 71 15 1
2870 Neither of us will feel a thing 1.1954 0.04578 87 71 15 1
2871 You will feel a small pinch. What’s going to hurt is when I drink your blood. 1.1954 0.05128 87 73 11 3
2872 I am going to have to take a few samples. 1.1954 0.04578 87 71 15 1
2873 You’ll experience just a little pressure, but just think about the pleasure your guests will enjoy. 1.1954 0.04578 87 71 15 1
2874 We will wait until noon, and then immediately begin the procedure. 1.1954 0.05128 87 73 11 3
2875 This procedure's only side effect is that you will probably feel a bit empty afterwards. 1.1954 0.05128 87 73 11 3
2876 You may hear a pop. 1.1951 0.05331 82 69 10 3
2877 The good news is we can toast to your good health after I'm done. 1.1951 0.05331 82 69 10 3
2878 No need to worry. After the procedure is done, I assure you that we'll be toasting to its success. 1.1951 0.04733 82 67 14 1
2879 You may feel a slight corkscrewing. 1.1951 0.04403 82 66 16 0
2880 The cases you read about on the internet probably all involved screw-tops. 1.1951 0.04733 82 67 14 1
2881 Don't worry, I've done this procedure a gazillion times before. 1.1951 0.04733 82 67 14 1
2882 It's just a little something to help you unwind. 1.1951 0.04733 82 67 14 1
2883 Alternatively I can just smash your neck off. 1.1951 0.04733 82 67 14 1
2884 Considering your sticker price it's more than fair. 1.1951 0.05041 82 68 12 2
2885 Don't worry. At your vintage, we recommend this procedure to all our Cabs. Just be sure to breathe. 1.1951 0.05607 82 70 8 4
2886 What you have will be much better once I open you up. 1.1948 0.05857 77 66 7 4
2887 I'm older than you are, so no worries. 1.1948 0.05558 77 65 9 3
2888 Seems like you're aging nicely. Now just lie down so I can check your nose, legs, backbone, body, and balance. 1.1948 0.05242 77 64 11 2
2889 It's just a little procedure to help you breathe 1.1948 0.04905 77 63 13 1
2890 The good news, your insurance approved the procedure. Bad news, with your high deductible, you’re screwed. 1.1948 0.05242 77 64 11 2
2891 Given you age, I may invite some colleagues to confirm my evaluation of your colonoscopy. 1.1948 0.05558 77 65 9 3
2892 I’m afraid you just weren’t meant to age well. 1.1948 0.05558 77 65 9 3
2893 I believe I've found a cure for your breathing problem. 1.1948 0.05242 77 64 11 2
2894 You initially will feel some pressure and a twisting motion, then hear a popping sound . Finally you will feel refreshed with fresh air inside of you. There is nothing to worry about I have done this procedure thousands of times. 1.1948 0.05857 77 66 7 4
2895 Jane will schedule our next checkup in about seven years. Just remember what I said and stay in a cool, dark place. 1.1948 0.05242 77 64 11 2
2896 Well, the good news is I am happy to see you! 1.1948 0.05558 77 65 9 3
2897 Can you bend over so I can examine your cork? 1.1947 0.04680 113 96 12 5
2898 I need to take a sample to determine your health. 1.1944 0.04826 108 92 11 5
2899 Only if you promise to start exercising. 1.1944 0.05814 72 61 8 3
2900 We'll treat you the same way we bill you. 1.1944 0.05467 72 60 10 2
2901 You can trust me, I'd never screw you. 1.1944 0.05096 72 59 12 1
2902 You'll be much better after you breathe for a while. 1.1944 0.05467 72 60 10 2
2903 If you have a drink first it'll dull the pain. 1.1944 0.05096 72 59 12 1
2904 It's best just to go with the flow. 1.1944 0.05096 72 59 12 1
2905 You get screwed even before you get my bill! 1.1944 0.05467 72 60 10 2
2906 No worry. I've done hundreds of corkectomies. 1.1944 0.05814 72 61 8 3
2907 This won’t hurt a bit. Just bend forward, relax, and cough. 1.1944 0.05814 72 61 8 3
2908 Now, we're going to try something to let you breathe. 1.1942 0.04588 103 86 14 3
2909 Please don’t make me feel empty 1.1942 0.04376 103 85 16 2
2910 Time for your cranial exam. 1.1940 0.06104 67 57 7 3
2911 Doc, let’s start by the glass first before you open me up. 1.1939 0.04508 98 81 15 2
2912 I’ll warn you, I have a tendency to faint at the sight of Merlot. 1.1939 0.04953 98 83 11 4
2913 You may feel a small, twisting sensation. 1.1935 0.04652 93 77 14 2
2914 So, you’re here for a second opinion? 1.1935 0.04394 93 76 16 1
2915 I'll, - er - you'll feel so much better when this is over. 1.1935 0.04119 93 75 18 0
2916 Don't worry. After I'm done with you I won't feel a thing! 1.1935 0.04652 93 77 14 2
2917 Congratulations! You’ve finally reached the legal drinking age. 1.1935 0.05130 93 79 10 4
2918 You look all bottled up. I think I have a pracrical solution. 1.1935 0.04394 93 76 16 1
2919 I promise to only insert it a little. 1.1935 0.05557 62 51 10 1
2920 Don't worry. This won't hurt a bit. 1.1935 0.04652 93 77 14 2
2921 We always appreciate rare vintage donors. 1.1935 0.04897 93 78 12 3
2922 We need to talk 1.1935 0.04897 93 78 12 3
2923 Just relax. I do it all the time, ALL THE TIME 1.1935 0.05130 93 79 10 4
2924 I’d like to keep you overnight for observation of your terroir. 1.1932 0.04810 88 73 13 2
2925 I'm afraid the only option is extremely invasive. 1.1932 0.05075 88 74 11 3
2926 Remember our chat about your oxygen saturation level? 1.1932 0.04531 88 72 15 1
2927 You may feel a slight prick, followed by a sense of release. 1.1932 0.04810 88 73 13 2
2928 Lucky for you, I moonlight as a sommelier. 1.1932 0.05075 88 74 11 3
2929 You say you're feeling stopped up? 1.1932 0.04810 88 73 13 2
2930 You might feel a light pressure and a squeaking sensation... That's totally normal 1.1932 0.05326 88 75 9 4
2931 You’ll perceive all the benefits of breathing… 1.1932 0.04531 88 72 15 1
2932 I'll need another blood sample. 1.1928 0.04985 83 69 12 2
2933 The procedure is minimally invasive. 1.1928 0.04985 83 69 12 2
2934 You seem to have aged very well. But it’s still time for your bottleoscopy. 1.1928 0.05272 83 70 10 3
2935 A quick pinch, and then you can breathe 1.1928 0.04356 83 67 16 0
2936 Lobotomy, schlobotomy. Nothing's going in. It's all coming out. 1.1928 0.04356 83 67 16 0
2937 I have the solution to your breathing problem. 1.1928 0.04681 83 68 14 1
2938 Oh come now. We've all been screwed for years! 1.1928 0.04985 83 69 12 2
2939 Ha! A bottle in front of me AND a frontal lobotomy! 1.1928 0.05272 83 70 10 3
2940 It's the latest in diagnostic tools for patients of your type. 1.1928 0.05272 83 70 10 3
2941 I'm sorry, but due to your alcohol level, we have to do this without anesthesia. 1.1928 0.04681 83 68 14 1
2942 Rest assured, I'll handle you like a bottle of Château Margaux. 1.1928 0.04681 83 68 14 1
2943 Your insurance will cover the corkage fee. 1.1923 0.05492 78 66 9 3
2944 I'll gladly unplug that stopped-up feeling. 1.1923 0.05180 78 65 11 2
2945 There will be a corkage fee. 1.1923 0.05492 78 66 9 3
2946 Why? Because you don't have a rectum. 1.1923 0.05180 78 65 11 2
2947 We've considered your age, type and provenance. Removal is definitely the procedure I recommend. 1.1923 0.05787 78 67 7 4
2948 You'll just feel a small poke and burn 1.1923 0.05180 78 65 11 2
2949 I have just what you need! 1.1923 0.05492 78 66 9 3
2950 I won't tell my wife if you don't tell yours. 1.1923 0.05492 78 66 9 3
2951 In a minute, I’m going to ask you to bend over. 1.1923 0.04848 78 64 13 1
2952 Thanks man! What a relief ! I've been screwed all my life 1.1923 0.04848 78 64 13 1
2953 Don't worry Mr. Cabernet, you won't feel a thing. Trust me. 1.1923 0.05787 78 67 7 4
2954 What’s your flavor again? 1.1923 0.05787 78 67 7 4
2955 No, I promise you that my little procedure won't render you redundant, 1.1923 0.05180 78 65 11 2
2956 Why Yes, Proctologists Do Have A Vintage. 1.1923 0.04848 78 64 13 1
2957 Don't worry, we'll have you breathing in no time. 1.1923 0.04848 78 64 13 1
2958 You're not going to like this. 1.1919 0.04466 99 82 15 2
2959 I have some good news and some bad news. 1.1919 0.04906 99 84 11 4
2960 I’ll have that clogged pour cleared in no time. 1.1919 0.05112 99 85 9 5
2961 Scared now? Wait till you see the corkage fee. 1.1919 0.04691 99 83 13 3
2962 I'm into noir. 1.1918 0.05033 73 60 12 1
2963 This will only hurt a bit and it’ll help you breathe 1.1918 0.05398 73 61 10 2
2964 Just one glass a day, and I stay away. 1.1918 0.05740 73 62 8 3
2965 I'm just screwing with you. You're not really a twist off. 1.1918 0.05740 73 62 8 3
2966 Sounds like you've been feeling depressed. With all the pressure surrounding you during the pandemic, I'm not surprised. Let's see if we can open you up and get you some relief. 1.1918 0.06062 73 63 6 4
2967 I'd rather have a bottle in front of me WITH a prefrontal lobotomy. 1.1918 0.05398 73 61 10 2
2968 And, you won't even need to bend over. 1.1918 0.05398 73 61 10 2
2969 It seems we're going to need to perform a trepanation. 1.1918 0.05398 73 61 10 2
2970 ‘You’re 60! Time for your colonoscopy’ 1.1918 0.05398 73 61 10 2
2971 I read your chart. We're scheduling a lobotomy for a bottle in front of me" 1.1918 0.05398 73 61 10 2
2972 Not to worry! I'm very screwpulous in my ways! 1.1918 0.05033 73 60 12 1
2973 Wine for your patients whine 1.1918 0.05740 73 62 8 3
2974 Don’t worry, I’ve been draining at least two bottles every night for decades. 1.1915 0.05300 94 81 8 5
2975 It's a standard procedure. I've done it thousands of times, and we'll all feel better for it. 1.1915 0.04607 94 78 14 2
2976 You won’t feel a thing, just a slight pop. 1.1915 0.04607 94 78 14 2
2977 When YOU are done, we won't feel a thing! 1.1915 0.04351 94 77 16 1
2978 Relax...you'll only feel a little POP! 1.1912 0.05644 68 57 9 2
2979 In my opinion, at this age group, you're long overdue for this procedure 1.1912 0.06021 68 58 7 3
2980 I just need to relieve that intercranial pressure you have been experiencing it. I guarantee the discomfort will not return after this procedure. To your health! 1.1912 0.06021 68 58 7 3
2981 C'mon! You've done the prep, right? You'll be fine. 1.1912 0.06021 68 58 7 3
2982 Don't worry, this will hurt me more than it will hurt you. 1.1912 0.05644 68 57 9 2
2983 millenial syndrome: so... unvaccinated and you identify as a what? 1.1912 0.05644 68 57 9 2
2984 You are correct, a craniotomy is not the usual treatment, but I think you will breathe better. 1.1912 0.05644 68 57 9 2
2985 Most call me Dr Sommelier. 1.1910 0.04485 89 73 15 1
2986 You're screwed. 1.1910 0.05270 89 76 9 4
2987 I've noticed the more I age the better I get. Can you figure out a solution. 1.1910 0.04761 89 74 13 2
2988 We'll just need a few glasses. Samples! I meant samples. 1.1910 0.04761 89 74 13 2
2989 Do you remember wen we used to dance the twist? 1.1910 0.04761 89 74 13 2
2990 Can I get you something to drink before we start? 1.1910 0.04761 89 74 13 2
2991 Being uncorked does not mean that you need a therapist 1.1910 0.04485 89 73 15 1
2992 Sorry, but you’re screwed. 1.1910 0.04485 89 73 15 1
2993 You appear to be aging normally, but I would like to try a little test just to be sure. 1.1910 0.04485 89 73 15 1
2994 Scruple? Me!? 1.1910 0.04761 89 74 13 2
2995 But your time having come is not really a bad thing. 1.1910 0.04761 89 74 13 2
2996 I have just the solution for the migraines and pressure that are bothering you. 1.1910 0.05022 89 75 11 3
2997 Think of it as a coming of age ritual. 1.1910 0.04190 89 72 17 0
2998 Is there another way? 1.1910 0.04761 89 74 13 2
2999 It’s finally Beaujolais season. 1.1910 0.05270 89 76 9 4
3000 I'm a virgin!! 1.1905 0.04310 84 68 16 0
3001 We do accept your insurance, but let me explain your co-pay. 1.1905 0.04631 84 69 14 1
3002 What did I tell you last time? It isnt good to keep things bottled up. 1.1905 0.04631 84 69 14 1
3003 This won't hurt a cork. 1.1905 0.04631 84 69 14 1
3004 You'll feel just a little pinch. 1.1905 0.05476 63 52 10 1
3005 When it's over, just breathe. 1.1905 0.04631 84 69 14 1
3006 It's not standard of care, but it is the only procedure your insurance plan will cover, so we're going with it. 1.1905 0.04931 84 70 12 2
3007 I am here to help you with your breathing problem 1.1905 0.05738 84 73 6 5
3008 Mr. Pinot, I've found a remedy for your stiff neck. 1.1905 0.04931 84 70 12 2
3009 The good news is that your cork cancer is 100% treatable! 1.1905 0.04931 84 70 12 2
3010 This may pinch a little, but it's time! 1.1905 0.05482 84 72 8 4
3011 I feel I’m going to get screwed 1.1905 0.05214 84 71 10 3
3012 Are you numb yet? 1.1905 0.04631 84 69 14 1
3013 I'm afraid it's time to check your sed rate. 1.1905 0.04631 84 69 14 1
3014 Would you prefer to look more Chateauneuf-de-pape 1.1905 0.04631 84 69 14 1
3015 Yea, my patients you all say that they get better with age, well, let's find out! 1.1905 0.04931 84 70 12 2
3016 You need to open up more to people." 1.1905 0.04508 105 88 14 3
3017 This won’t hurt a bit, and with any luck they’ll want a Merlot instead. 1.1905 0.04081 105 86 18 1
3018 IWe're gonna start with a vintage treatment for openers! 1.1905 0.05482 84 72 8 4
3019 Are you trying to screw with me? 1.1905 0.04931 84 70 12 2
3020 Yeah, I guess we should probably be calling it a "Labottleyou". 1.1905 0.05214 84 71 10 3
3021 -No, I never screw my patients… 1.1905 0.04987 63 51 12 0
3022 It’s very serious this time. Now we need to perform a cork-otomy. 1.1900 0.04191 100 82 17 1
3023 I have a little something here, to help get your juices flowing... 1.1900 0.04426 100 83 15 2
3024 Otherwise, we won't know if you are corked. 1.1900 0.04648 100 84 13 3
3025 Constipated? No problem! Let’s get you unstopped and celebrate! 1.1900 0.04648 100 84 13 3
3026 For a rare case like yours, I'll need to run a few tests. 1.1899 0.04441 79 64 15 0
3027 Such blockages are common at your age. I'm just going to do a tasting, er, I mean biopsy. 1.1899 0.05120 79 66 11 2
3028 Once you've hit your vintage the tests do get more invasive 1.1899 0.04792 79 65 13 1
3029 Don't worry, I'm just here for an open conversation. 1.1899 0.05120 79 66 11 2
3030 Care to join me in a game of pull the cork? 1.1899 0.05120 79 66 11 2
3031 After this procedure, I think you'll find that you are able to breathe. 1.1899 0.04792 79 65 13 1
3032 Don’t worry. It’ll open up your nose. 1.1899 0.05120 79 66 11 2
3033 I promise this won't hurt a bit. 1.1899 0.05428 79 67 9 3
3034 Sorry kid, can't mix novacaine and alcohol, but this will only be a pinch. 1.1899 0.04441 79 64 15 0
3035 A talking bottle is about to be screwed! 1.1899 0.05120 79 66 11 2
3036 You'll feel a bit empty afterward, but the feeling will pass. 1.1899 0.05120 79 66 11 2
3037 I admit, a screw cap would have been easier. 1.1899 0.04792 79 65 13 1
3038 Sorry the laxative did not work but I have another treatment. 1.1899 0.05428 79 67 9 3
3039 Don’t worry, wine letting is state of the art. 1.1899 0.04441 79 64 15 0
3040 I think I’ve found a magical way to relieve your sense of being bottled up. 1.1899 0.04792 79 65 13 1
3041 This will hurt me more than it hurts you. 1.1899 0.04792 79 65 13 1
3042 Your pressure is a little high but I can fix that. 1.1899 0.05428 79 67 9 3
3043 Now let's see if we can ease the pressure, shall we? 1.1899 0.04792 79 65 13 1
3044 The good news is: you’ve aged beautifully and are perfectly healthy. The bad news is: You don’t have much longer to live. 1.1899 0.05428 79 67 9 3
3045 It’s O.K., Sir. We’ve discovered what that blockage is … 1.1895 0.05030 95 81 10 4
3046 I promise ... I'll be gentle. 1.1895 0.04563 95 79 14 2
3047 You're at an age now I need to get to know you better. 1.1895 0.04042 95 77 18 0
3048 A mental block is concealing the purpose of your existence. 1.1895 0.05030 95 81 10 4
3049 Now, let’s see how well you’ve aged. 1.1895 0.04563 95 79 14 2
3050 You'll soon be fine...just a little light-headed. 1.1895 0.04310 95 78 16 1
3051 It’s okay to feel nervous, as this involves something known as The French Paradox 1.1895 0.04802 95 80 12 3
3052 No need to open me up Doc I turned vinegary years ago. 1.1895 0.04563 95 79 14 2
3053 Well it's time for that awkward part of the examination. 1.1892 0.05331 74 62 10 2
3054 Guess what! Your insurance does cover you getting screwed! 1.1892 0.04971 74 61 12 1
3055 It is all in your head. 1.1892 0.04971 74 61 12 1
3056 A clean bill of health - this calls for a celebration! 1.1892 0.04971 74 61 12 1
3057 There's just the matter of the corkage fee. 1.1892 0.05331 74 62 10 2
3058 We need a sample, for medicinal purposes. 1.1892 0.05331 74 62 10 2
3059 The healthcare system might try to cork our concerns,but we won't stay silent! 1.1892 0.04971 74 61 12 1
3060 Why the long palate? 1.1892 0.05667 74 63 8 3
3061 Now you may feel a slight pop 1.1892 0.05667 74 63 8 3
3062 Cork or screw cap? 1.1892 0.05331 74 62 10 2
3063 The good new is you don’t need a spinal tap 1.1892 0.05667 74 63 8 3
3064 Lidoccaine? Really? Your BAC is 14%! 1.1892 0.05331 74 62 10 2
3065 Lucky for you, you're not in for a colonoscopy. 1.1892 0.04584 74 60 14 0
3066 Now, bend over and cork 1.1892 0.05331 74 62 10 2
3067 You should see what we use to vaccinate the Camembert 1.1892 0.05667 74 63 8 3
3068 Don't worry, it's a noninvasive procedure" 1.1889 0.04149 90 73 17 0
3069 This won't hurt a bit ... and take aspirin in the morning 1.1889 0.04713 90 75 13 2
3070 Let's soften your tannins a bit! 1.1889 0.04713 90 75 13 2
3071 Afraid your only option is a complete tranfusion-from you to my bloodstream. 1.1889 0.04970 90 76 11 3
3072 No worries, this is highly recommended. Five stars. 1.1889 0.04149 90 73 17 0
3073 Yes, I do charge a HUGE corkage fee! 1.1889 0.04440 90 74 15 1
3074 The twist-off-cap procedure is not my favorite. 1.1889 0.04713 90 75 13 2
3075 It's a common procedure that enhances the nose. 1.1889 0.04713 90 75 13 2
3076 The good news is that we’re going to relieve that nagging pressure! 1.1889 0.04970 90 76 11 3
3077 Great news....you will be recycled. 1.1884 0.05939 69 59 7 3
3078 You've reached the age we start checking your prostate. 1.1884 0.05569 69 58 9 2
3079 You’ll feel much better when you can breathe again. 1.1884 0.05172 69 57 11 1
3080 Your time has come! 1.1884 0.05569 69 58 9 2
3081 Relax, my corkage fees are very reasonable. 1.1884 0.05569 69 58 9 2
3082 don't be afraid, it's just a quick lobotomy 1.1884 0.05172 69 57 11 1
3083 We just need to perform a simple lobotomy to ease my anxiety. Tannins are great for relaxation. 1.1884 0.05569 69 58 9 2
3084 For the bottle in front of me: a frontal lobotomy 1.1884 0.05939 69 59 7 3
3085 You have fluid buildup that we need to release. 1.1882 0.04878 85 71 12 2
3086 Even if screwed, you'll leave a mark. 1.1882 0.04878 85 71 12 2
3087 Nothing to fear. I will make your transformation from pinot capsule to elegant candle-holder an enjoyable experience. 1.1882 0.04878 85 71 12 2
3088 I can help you, but you need to trust the process. 1.1882 0.05157 85 72 10 3
3089 I have good screws and bad screws for you. 1.1882 0.04582 85 70 14 1
3090 Here's the deal: I got screwed, so you get uncorked. 1.1882 0.04878 85 71 12 2
3091 Sorry, but at your age, Cologuard is no longer an option. 1.1882 0.05422 85 73 8 4
3092 It’s just a routine procedure. 1.1882 0.05157 85 72 10 3
3093 First of all ... Happy Birthday! 1.1882 0.04878 85 71 12 2
3094 Will this be your first time? 1.1882 0.05157 85 72 10 3
3095 I'm prescribing a cork-ectomy 1.1882 0.04878 85 71 12 2
3096 Given your age, you should be looking forward to getting screwed. 1.1882 0.04878 85 71 12 2
3097 Just close your eyes and remember to breathe. 1.1882 0.04582 85 70 14 1
3098 Just a quick procedure and you’ll be breathing beautifully. 1.1882 0.04878 85 71 12 2
3099 While you are not in that bad a shape,with your HMO..you’re screwed. 1.1882 0.05157 85 72 10 3
3100 There will be a $25 corkage-I mean co-pay, but your headache will disappear. 1.1882 0.04878 85 71 12 2
3101 Wine “you keep saying getting older is good for me, but I’m concerned” Dr “well there’s really only one way for me to check, so….” 1.1882 0.04878 85 71 12 2
3102 It is a painless procedure to check the nose. 1.1881 0.04154 101 83 17 1
3103 Yes, you could say trepanning is an invasive procedure. 1.1875 0.04519 96 80 14 2
3104 Don't worry, this procedure will be covered by your insurance. 1.1875 0.04756 96 81 12 3
3105 Mr. Cabernet, wouldn't you like to be opened up, so you can breathe? 1.1875 0.04738 80 66 13 1
3106 The good news is we can waive your corkage fee... 1.1875 0.05061 80 67 11 2
3107 Now, I heard through the grapevine that lobotomies can help with alcoholism. 1.1875 0.05840 64 54 8 2
3108 Soon you won't have that plugged-up feeling. And you'll have some time to breathe afterwards! 1.1875 0.04519 96 80 14 2
3109 First let me help you breathe, then we can celebrate that. 1.1875 0.04519 96 80 14 2
3110 It's a bit unconventional for a colonoscopy, but it should do the trick. 1.1875 0.04981 96 82 10 4
3111 Now just shut your eyes, count to ten and breathe. 1.1875 0.05061 80 67 11 2
3112 Don't worry, my wife says I'm very good at this! 1.1875 0.04519 96 80 14 2
3113 At first you might feel a little pinch 1.1875 0.05398 64 53 10 1
3114 Your baby merlot is ready to be delivered 1.1875 0.04738 80 66 13 1
3115 Well, your hearing is excellent! I did say “Nurse, prep the glasses!” But it’s your breathing that I’m really worried about. 1.1875 0.05061 80 67 11 2
3116 These tension headaches are quite common. 1.1875 0.04391 80 65 15 0
3117 I can assure you, I will adhere strictly to my hypocritic oath. 1.1875 0.05364 80 68 9 3
3118 I’m looking for a wine with a nose on it. 1.1875 0.05061 80 67 11 2
3119 Im gonna need you to turn your head and cough, please 1.1875 0.05925 80 70 5 5
3120 Perhaps you'd like to try some yourself? 1.1875 0.05061 80 67 11 2
3121 Let's start with some good news "you have aged very well........ " 1.1875 0.04391 80 65 15 0
3122 Your body’s looking a little fuller than usual, I’d better take a couple samples for tast…I mean testing. 1.1875 0.05061 80 67 11 2
3123 'The insurance only covered taking out the cork not putting it back i am afraid...' 1.1875 0.05364 80 68 9 3
3124 So, they tell me you’re a 1984 vintage? I promise this won’t hurt a bit, I just need a little sample… 1.1875 0.04756 96 81 12 3
3125 We need to take only a small test sample. 1.1875 0.04738 80 66 13 1
3126 This is going to hurt, are you non-alcoholic? 1.1875 0.04738 80 66 13 1
3127 I am gonna screw you so hard 1.1875 0.04519 96 80 14 2
3128 Believe me this is going to hurt me more than it hurts you 1.1875 0.05061 80 67 11 2
3129 What’s the matter Doc? Did one of my checks bounce? 1.1875 0.04981 96 82 10 4
3130 I'm going to check how well you breathe. 1.1868 0.04396 91 75 15 1
3131 Don't be so sour. 1.1868 0.04396 91 75 15 1
3132 You might feel a light pinch. 1.1868 0.04396 91 75 15 1
3133 The nurse tells me you're low on oxygen. 1.1868 0.04665 91 76 13 2
3134 I'll pop your top and you'll be fine 1.1868 0.04665 91 76 13 2
3135 I understand you been feeling constipated? 1.1868 0.04396 91 75 15 1
3136 Et tu, Fruitus? 1.1868 0.04108 91 74 17 0
3137 Ok to skip dinner and a movie? 1.1868 0.04396 91 75 15 1
3138 Just try to relax. There’s really nothing to it. 1.1868 0.04920 91 77 11 3
3139 Don't worry,this will hurt me more 1.1868 0.04665 91 76 13 2
3140 This will only hurt until you’re decanted. 1.1868 0.04665 91 76 13 2
3141 The experts all agree,the time is now. 1.1868 0.04920 91 77 11 3
3142 It will be quick and you'll immediately be able to breathe. 1.1868 0.04665 91 76 13 2
3143 Now, because you’re not a screw cap… 1.1868 0.04396 91 75 15 1
3144 Have I got a surprise for you! 1.1867 0.05597 75 64 8 3
3145 Don't listen to others, you are the perfect age. 1.1867 0.04911 75 62 12 1
3146 We are pleased to invite you to help us celebrate your having set the highest recorded patient in the Emergency Room. 1.1867 0.06208 75 66 4 5
3147 I have something you may not like. 1.1867 0.05910 75 65 6 4
3148 No. It doesn't hurt. And you'll be the life of the party! 1.1867 0.04911 75 62 12 1
3149 Hold still...this will only take a minute. 1.1867 0.05265 75 63 10 2
3150 Don’t worry, I’ll use plenty of lube. 1.1867 0.04911 75 62 12 1
3151 Oh no, don't be nervous, oxygen is good for you 1.1867 0.05597 75 64 8 3
3152 Either you can open up, or I’ll do it for you 1.1867 0.04911 75 62 12 1
3153 OK, now bend over. 1.1863 0.04346 102 85 15 2
3154 You say you're having trouble breathing? I'll fix that." 1.1860 0.04533 86 71 14 1
3155 Insurance called. You're screwed. 1.1860 0.04221 86 70 16 0
3156 What you are experiencing is the natural process of aging. Don't think of it as symptoms, more like a sign of maturity. 1.1860 0.05363 86 74 8 4
3157 Now this may hurt a little but it should ease your wine angst. 1.1860 0.04533 86 71 14 1
3158 No more keeping what's bottled up inside. 1.1860 0.04826 86 72 12 2
3159 Don't worry. I always get all of it. 1.1860 0.04826 86 72 12 2
3160 I'm assuming your insurance covers a cheese course? 1.1860 0.04533 86 71 14 1
3161 Your body definitely needs an operation! 1.1860 0.04826 86 72 12 2
3162 Relax. It's just a surgery. 1.1860 0.04826 86 72 12 2
3163 Those aged eyes look like they need some drinking glasses. 1.1860 0.05101 86 73 10 3
3164 Yes, I'm gonna screw you. It's the only way I can help you breathe. 1.1860 0.05101 86 73 10 3
3165 don't worry sir, it's not for your DRE! 1.1860 0.04533 86 71 14 1
3166 Trust me you won't feel anything until the count of three 1.1860 0.04826 86 72 12 2
3167 Just relax and we'll check your tannin levels. 1.1858 0.04453 113 96 13 4
3168 Look at it this way, you don't have to bend over. 1.1857 0.04682 70 57 13 0
3169 Are you ready to be screwed big time? 1.1857 0.05105 70 58 11 1
3170 "Don't worry, I'm a professional!" 1.1857 0.05105 70 58 11 1
3171 You're a fine wine. You've aged well. But now that you've turned fifty, there's a procedure we recommend. 1.1857 0.05495 70 59 9 2
3172 Well,you're at that age ... 1.1857 0.05105 70 58 11 1
3173 You'll feel a little pinch...and then a pulling sensation. 1.1857 0.05495 70 59 9 2
3174 I know why you are feeling so un-appreciated. 1.1857 0.05105 70 58 11 1
3175 I’m a doctor. Why would I try to screw you? 1.1857 0.05105 70 58 11 1
3176 Just a simple procedure. It'll help you breathe. 1.1857 0.05495 70 59 9 2
3177 I think you've been bottled-up long enough and need a release. 1.1856 0.03968 97 79 18 0
3178 Bend over. 1.1856 0.04710 97 82 12 3
3179 Now let's deal with that weight problem. 1.1856 0.03968 97 79 18 0
3180 Most sommeliers prefer to use the term extractor. It helps to reduce any pre-procedural anxiety 1.1856 0.04933 97 83 10 4
3181 You'll feel a little pinch, but you'll be able to breath much better 1.1852 0.04685 81 67 13 1
3182 Screw it, let's have a drink 1.1852 0.05303 81 69 9 3
3183 The good news? Don't worry about your teeth. The bad news is behind me. 1.1852 0.05003 81 68 11 2
3184 I have a way of empting your pressure 1.1852 0.05586 81 70 7 4
3185 drink to thone ein self be true! 1.1852 0.05003 81 68 11 2
3186 Relax, Just a little pin prick, Please. 1.1852 0.05303 81 69 9 3
3187 But first, about your insurance... 1.1852 0.04685 81 67 13 1
3188 Sure, I'm a vintage proctologist. 1.1852 0.04685 81 67 13 1
3189 You have the honour of being served to the Queen of England, which means you're royally screwed. 1.1852 0.05003 81 68 11 2
3190 I have the key to unlocking your potential right here … 1.1852 0.05003 81 68 11 2
3191 Good News. Your Blood Alcohol levels are so High. We'd like to drink you. 1.1848 0.05110 92 79 9 4
3192 You’ll feel a little prick and a pop, followed by the sensation of being turned upside and drained of everything inside you of value. 1.1848 0.05110 92 79 9 4
3193 Just a slight prick and we’ll have that tainted part out in no time. 1.1848 0.04352 92 76 15 1
3194 This isn't gonna hurt one bit. Now sit still… 1.1848 0.04619 92 77 13 2
3195 Not to worry - this just helps you breathe 1.1848 0.04870 92 78 11 3
3196 Oh, be happy! I am going to repair your body liquid intention! 1.1848 0.04619 92 77 13 2
3197 I'm proposing an experimental technique to explore your ancestral roots. 1.1848 0.04352 92 76 15 1
3198 Let me reassure you Sir. I did all my advanced training in Tuscany. 1.1848 0.04619 92 77 13 2
3199 This will only hurt for a minute and the only Side effect is that you all feel a little empty 1.1846 0.06538 65 57 4 4
3200 Consider it your first vino-oscopy. 1.1845 0.04523 103 87 13 3
3201 Vintage 1987? It's time for your first colonoscopy. 1.1842 0.05201 76 64 10 2
3202 You'll just feel a tiny prick. 1.1842 0.04852 76 63 12 1
3203 Well, well. I understand you've been feeling a bit plugged up. 1.1842 0.04852 76 63 12 1
3204 The nurse said you're feeling stopped up? 1.1842 0.05201 76 64 10 2
3205 Don't be alarmed... we test all of our patient's blood with a decanter. 1.1842 0.04476 76 62 14 0
3206 Good news, euthanasia is now legal in Napa County. 1.1842 0.04852 76 63 12 1
3207 You are so screwed, dude. 1.1842 0.04852 76 63 12 1
3208 Quick pinch and we'll have your results after tonight's paint and sip. 1.1842 0.04852 76 63 12 1
3209 Now, sit still and stop whining. 1.1842 0.04852 76 63 12 1
3210 The good news is that I'm not here to do the colonoscopy. 1.1842 0.05528 76 65 8 3
3211 I am a little concerned about your color … we need to check your tannin! 1.1842 0.04852 76 63 12 1
3212 Let’s check your argon. 1.1842 0.05528 76 65 8 3
3213 Now, bend over and say mammy for me! 1.1842 0.04852 76 63 12 1
3214 The lab results are in. I’m afraid you’re screwed. 1.1842 0.05528 76 65 8 3
3215 Don't worry! I'll just take a little off the top. 1.1842 0.04852 76 63 12 1
3216 I know… Indicted! Which is why I dropped acid earlier! 1.1842 0.04852 76 63 12 1
3217 Unfortunately we’re going to have to perform a lobotomy, sir 1.1842 0.04852 76 63 12 1
3218 All of my patients swear this red-wine procedure relieves their blood pressure. 1.1842 0.04852 76 63 12 1
3219 I've got just the thing for you. 1.1839 0.05047 87 74 10 3
3220 Don't worry. I won't spill a drop of that either. 1.1839 0.04178 87 71 16 0
3221 It's excessive cranial pressure but luckily I have a solution. 1.1839 0.04775 87 73 12 2
3222 You heard me correctly. Bend over. 1.1839 0.04486 87 72 14 1
3223 You will just feel a pinch. 1.1839 0.04775 87 73 12 2
3224 My new technology will allow your full potential to emerge. 1.1839 0.04775 87 73 12 2
3225 The bad news? You're screwed... 1.1839 0.05047 87 74 10 3
3226 Not to worry, a little spilled wine is normal.. 1.1839 0.04178 87 71 16 0
3227 “Uncork your bottled up potential.” 1.1839 0.04486 87 72 14 1
3228 Turn your head and breathe. 1.1839 0.05047 87 74 10 3
3229 You're going to feel a little pinch. It's o.k. to whine. 1.1839 0.04178 87 71 16 0
3230 All he had to say was, "Ho, Ho, Ho ...and that BIG bottle of Rum!" 1.1839 0.05305 87 75 8 4
3231 The good news is that after forty years of bed rest you’ve fully matured. The bad news is that now you’re old enough to know you’re totally screwed. 1.1839 0.05047 87 74 10 3
3232 I've never done this before, but don't worry. It's not brain surgery. 1.1835 0.04355 109 92 14 3
3233 Now this won't hurt a bit. It's the taste test. 1.1833 0.06056 60 51 7 2
3234 The staff and I want to tell you we find your presence intoxicating. Well...we will. 1.1831 0.05039 71 59 11 1
3235 You are a fine vintage. I’m giving you a reprieve. 1.1831 0.05424 71 60 9 2
3236 I‘m with the government and here to help you. 1.1831 0.05424 71 60 9 2
3237 It's not like we didn't try the twist off first! 1.1831 0.05039 71 59 11 1
3238 It's an in office procedure, but it will relieve you of that bottled up feeling. You'll be following again in no time. 1.1831 0.05039 71 59 11 1
3239 This will relieve your corkstipation. 1.1831 0.05039 71 59 11 1
3240 What do you mean, 'I'd put the screws to you?' 1.1829 0.05522 82 71 7 4
3241 To be fair, I did recommend a screwcapotomy several years ago. 1.1829 0.05243 82 70 9 3
3242 This is definitely going to lift your spirits up. 1.1829 0.05789 82 72 5 5
3243 Actually mother does know what I do for a living. 1.1829 0.05522 82 71 7 4
3244 Don’t worry. You’ll feel a little twist, hear a slight “pop,” then you’ll be able to breath. 1.1829 0.04947 82 69 11 2
3245 You may think your getting screwed,but you will be able to breathe. 1.1829 0.04947 82 69 11 2
3246 Don't worry I'm here to help you open up and pour out everything you've got bottled up inside. 1.1829 0.05522 82 71 7 4
3247 I've got just the thing to relieve your gas. 1.1829 0.04947 82 69 11 2
3248 What makes you think I'm going to screw with you? 1.1829 0.04633 82 68 13 1
3249 Don't worry, it's nothing a nice glass of wine can't fix. 1.1829 0.04947 82 69 11 2
3250 Relax, Mr. Corky. I’m just going to take a look inside. 1.1829 0.04947 82 69 11 2
3251 What do you mean it’s not going to hurt? 1.1829 0.05243 82 70 9 3
3252 Don't be afraid. When this is over, you'll be unstoppable! 1.1829 0.04947 82 69 11 2
3253 Wine: 'I'm feeling a little bottle-necked.' Doctor: 'Let's uncork that.' 1.1829 0.04296 82 67 15 0
3254 Timely that your annual physical is on my wedding anniversary. 1.1829 0.04633 82 68 13 1
3255 I’ll help you open up. 1.1829 0.05243 82 70 9 3
3256 This will only pinch for a second 1.1829 0.05243 82 70 9 3
3257 I am certain, after the surgery, you will feel grape. 1.1828 0.05058 93 80 9 4
3258 This will help with your breathing . 1.1828 0.04573 93 78 13 2
3259 I hate to tellyah, but you're screwed. 1.1828 0.04310 93 77 15 1
3260 No, I'm not trying to screw you! 1.1828 0.04310 93 77 15 1
3261 Let’s get those sick bastards! 1.1828 0.04822 93 79 11 3
3262 Oh, it's your first time -- don't worry I'll be gentle. 1.1827 0.04270 104 87 15 2
3263 I need to get a sample. You may experience some slight discomfort. 1.1818 0.04725 88 74 12 2
3264 A little surgery and you will be breathing much better in the evening 1.1818 0.04795 77 64 12 1
3265 Cough 1.1818 0.05139 77 65 10 2
3266 Not to worry. You'll only feel a slight pinch. 1.1818 0.05139 77 65 10 2
3267 I have found to treat your headaches. 1.1818 0.04424 77 63 14 0
3268 You know the old saying, "I'd rather have a bottle in front of me..."? 1.1818 0.04440 88 73 14 1
3269 I suspect you've heard the expression "Screw you!"? 1.1818 0.04152 99 82 16 1
3270 Have you ever been screwed? 1.1818 0.05139 77 65 10 2
3271 Your case shows an interesting twist, you’re dry but not dehydrated. 1.1818 0.04840 99 85 10 4
3272 Let's have an open discussion. 1.1818 0.05139 77 65 10 2
3273 Don't worry, I'll get you breathing. 1.1818 0.04440 88 73 14 1
3274 Just a little pinch and it’s all beaujolais from there! 1.1818 0.04135 88 72 16 0
3275 Don't be anxious...You only get screwed once in this office. 1.1818 0.04393 99 83 14 2
3276 Your insurance has just approved this procedure. Let's celebrate! 1.1818 0.05461 77 66 8 3
3277 First, I suggest we validate your feelings of emptiness. 1.1818 0.04725 88 74 12 2
3278 It is time for your déboucher. 1.1818 0.04152 99 82 16 1
3279 In five minutes,you‘ll wake up and it will be all over. 1.1818 0.04440 88 73 14 1
3280 Let’s just say you’ve reached that certain vintage where we have to start draining fluid. 1.1818 0.05048 99 86 8 5
3281 You’ll get better with age 1.1818 0.04795 77 64 12 1
3282 You wouldn't be here in the Emergency Room if your sommelier hadn't screwed up. That's what you get for being a good bottle of wine. 1.1818 0.04795 77 64 12 1
3283 After this procedure it is normal to feel a bit light-headed 1.1818 0.05675 66 56 8 2
3284 I'm Doctor Beaujolais. Drop your label and lean in. 1.1818 0.04725 88 74 12 2
3285 Don’t worry, I’m a board certified oneologist. 1.1818 0.05139 77 65 10 2
3286 a new way to test the quality of a wine 1.1818 0.05139 77 65 10 2
3287 “This should help you breathe through the rest of allergy season.” 1.1818 0.05139 77 65 10 2
3288 We’re not going to feel a thing. 1.1818 0.04393 99 83 14 2
3289 You might feel a slight pinch. And then a twist. And then another twist... 1.1818 0.05139 77 65 10 2
3290 Which hand am I holding it in? Choose wisely 1.1818 0.05139 77 65 10 2
3291 Don’t worry, all you have to do is breathe. 1.1818 0.04795 77 64 12 1
3292 You're going to feel one quick poke and then it will be all over! @ 1.1818 0.05139 77 65 10 2
3293 Not to be too alarming, but we do need to remove that bottleneck! 1.1818 0.05249 66 55 10 1
3294 I swear, this will allow you to breathe better. 1.1818 0.04440 88 73 14 1
3295 I’m sorry Medicare doesn’t cover uncorking fees. 1.1818 0.05139 77 65 10 2
3296 You'll be able to breathe better after the procedure. 1.1810 0.04232 105 88 15 2
3297 They tell me you're having some problems with your breathing? 1.1809 0.04528 94 79 13 2
3298 We all face it when we've aged to certain point. 1.1809 0.04268 94 78 15 1
3299 No use babbling about your vintage. You're screwed! 1.1809 0.04774 94 80 11 3
3300 Take a deep breath. In fact, take several. 1.1809 0.04268 94 78 15 1
3301 Sorry your insurance says no decanting just try to breathe easy Frank Buckley Andover MA 1.1807 0.05184 83 71 9 3
3302 'Just a little something to help you breathe better' 1.1807 0.04249 83 68 15 0
3303 If your healthy, I won't find vinegar, but this may be uncomfortable. 1.1807 0.04892 83 70 11 2
3304 It's ok. You are full bodied. 1.1807 0.04582 83 69 13 1
3305 This won't hurt nearly as much as my bill. 1.1807 0.05460 83 72 7 4
3306 Just remember -the insurance companies screw you even worse. 1.1807 0.05184 83 71 9 3
3307 I just had a proctology exam. 1.1807 0.04582 83 69 13 1
3308 Did I say noninvasive? I meant excruciating. 1.1807 0.05184 83 71 9 3
3309 I regret to say your claim did not go through. 1.1807 0.04892 83 70 11 2
3310 You've aged well, but now it's time. 1.1807 0.04582 83 69 13 1
3311 You whine, you get screwed. 1.1807 0.04582 83 69 13 1
3312 Medically speaking the procedure is called a lobottleomy, but it is entirely painless, and what year did you say you were again? 1.1807 0.04892 83 70 11 2
3313 Yes, it does seem like a metaphor for what we’ve all experienced these past few years. Now, bend over. 1.1807 0.04892 83 70 11 2
3314 Stay calm and just breathe. 1.1807 0.05184 83 71 9 3
3315 It will be a quick procedure and then I'm sure we'll all feel much better. 1.1807 0.04249 83 68 15 0
3316 Dr. Sommelier? No, no, I said Dr. Summer Day, yeah, Summer Day. 1.1807 0.04582 83 69 13 1
3317 I know just the treatment...wait a minute. You're not a Merlot, are you? 1.1807 0.04892 83 70 11 2
3318 I have sneaking feeling,doc,that you’re about to screw up my drinking career. 1.1807 0.04582 83 69 13 1
3319 Once its removed you'll be able to breath. 1.1807 0.04892 83 70 11 2
3320 You don’t want a grape lollipop after? 1.1807 0.04582 83 69 13 1
3321 Trust me, this will help you breathe easier. 1.1807 0.04249 83 68 15 0
3322 Do you mind if I set you down on the floor for a minute? 1.1807 0.04892 83 70 11 2
3323 When you know you're screwed 1.1807 0.05184 83 71 9 3
3324 I’m afraid you’ll have to put a cork in it. 1.1807 0.04892 83 70 11 2
3325 Believe me, it's a tried and true method used for this type of blockage. 1.1807 0.04892 83 70 11 2
3326 Labottlemy 1.1807 0.05184 83 71 9 3
3327 It's time. 1.1806 0.06041 72 63 5 4
3328 Of course you have acid reflux. Uncorked wine turns to vinegar. 1.1806 0.05354 72 61 9 2
3329 Our clinic’s weight loss program guarantees immediate results. 1.1806 0.05708 72 62 7 3
3330 Amnesia for speaking French? No problem, we'll teach you Nappa Valley. 1.1806 0.04975 72 60 11 1
3331 Better reflex than reflux. 1.1806 0.06041 72 63 5 4
3332 It’s sort of like combining an endoscopy with a lobotomy. 1.1806 0.04975 72 60 11 1
3333 I’ve got good news and bad news. Which do you want first? 1.1806 0.05354 72 61 9 2
3334 No insurance? No problem. We'll just skip the anesthetic. 1.1806 0.04975 72 60 11 1
3335 Never say 'screw you' to your vinificateur. 1.1806 0.05354 72 61 9 2
3336 I am a most cheerful decanter. 1.1806 0.05354 72 61 9 2
3337 Don’t panic- this procedure is oral 1.1806 0.05354 72 61 9 2
3338 That 'apple a day' saying is actually a hoax. 1.1803 0.05964 61 52 7 2
3339 You may feel a slight bit of pressure... 1.1798 0.04394 89 74 14 1
3340 The good news is you are NOT screwed. 1.1798 0.04394 89 74 14 1
3341 Ready for your routine corking? No need to whine about it, it will only hurt a little. 1.1798 0.04394 89 74 14 1
3342 This will get you going in no time! 1.1798 0.04676 89 75 12 2
3343 Unfortunately this is the only way we can get conclusive proof. 1.1798 0.04093 89 73 16 0
3344 It’s a simple tapping procedure that will allow you to breathe much easier. 1.1798 0.04093 89 73 16 0
3345 We’re going to play a little game to help you to open up… 1.1798 0.04676 89 75 12 2
3346 It's nothing personal but soon you'll be totally screwed. 1.1798 0.04676 89 75 12 2
3347 Tell me about the rabbits, Lawrence. 1.1798 0.04394 89 74 14 1
3348 No, sorry, we can't do it laparoscopically. 1.1795 0.05396 78 67 8 3
3349 Why would you think you're screwed no matter which way you turn? 1.1795 0.04739 78 65 12 1
3350 You said you were all backed up, right? 1.1795 0.04739 78 65 12 1
3351 I don't think bottling your feelings up does you any good 1.1795 0.05078 78 66 10 2
3352 The good news is you do not have to give up wine. The bad news is you're screwed! 1.1795 0.05078 78 66 10 2
3353 Oh don’t be so “sour grape” about it 1.1795 0.04739 78 65 12 1
3354 The bad news: you've got a case of corkitis. The good news: I'll drain it in no time, so you can stop whining about it! 1.1795 0.05078 78 66 10 2
3355 The corner table would like to meet you. 1.1795 0.05078 78 66 10 2
3356 Mr Tanin, we need to conduct a few more sips, I mean tests, so please lie on your side. This won’t hurt a bit. 1.1795 0.05078 78 66 10 2
3357 Will it hurt? 1.1795 0.04739 78 65 12 1
3358 I do have ways to get you to open up. 1.1795 0.05696 78 68 6 4
3359 I'm not going to screw you. 1.1795 0.05078 78 66 10 2
3360 I'll need you to bend over and cough, please. 1.1795 0.04739 78 65 12 1
3361 Screw it! We'll get sober tomorrow. 1.1791 0.05987 67 58 6 3
3362 We just need to get to your inner self and all will be well. 1.1791 0.05597 67 57 8 2
3363 Okay, you'll just feel a little pinch. 1.1791 0.05177 67 56 10 1
3364 How does it feel? You're about to be screwed whether you like it or not. 1.1791 0.05177 67 56 10 1
3365 Stick out your cork and say, 'Ah.' 1.1789 0.04227 95 79 15 1
3366 It's time for your full bodied check up. Wait, did you forget your glasses at home again? 1.1789 0.04728 95 81 11 3
3367 You will feel a small sting. 1.1786 0.04532 84 70 13 1
3368 Well yes, I do have a way to help you "breath." 1.1786 0.04532 84 70 13 1
3369 This ought to relieve your gas. 1.1786 0.06297 56 48 6 2
3370 Your shoe is untied. 1.1786 0.04611 112 97 10 5
3371 Considering your vintage, you are due for your first colonoscopy. 1.1786 0.04838 84 71 11 2
3372 Your cork is synthetic; you won't feel a thing 1.1786 0.04838 84 71 11 2
3373 We call it a biopsy. 1.1786 0.04838 84 71 11 2
3374 Oh, absolutely it’s gonna hurt. But given your blood alcohol content, you won’t feel a thing. 1.1786 0.05126 84 72 9 3
3375 I know that vintage. This will hurt me more than it will hurt you. 1.1786 0.04532 84 70 13 1
3376 So you're George, here about your shingles, and -I- am hallucinating? 1.1786 0.05126 84 72 9 3
3377 I'm referring you to my daughter's bachelorette party. 1.1786 0.04532 84 70 13 1
3378 It is invasive, but lucky you, you’re a natural sedative. 1.1786 0.04838 84 71 11 2
3379 We have precision instruments for exactly this situation. 1.1786 0.05126 84 72 9 3
3380 Don't worry. Patient-Physician Confidentiality! 1.1786 0.04838 84 71 11 2
3381 Today we're trying some toys, Johnny 1.1786 0.04838 84 71 11 2
3382 We just need to let a bit of you breathe. 1.1782 0.04077 101 84 16 1
3383 I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING BUT I'm NOT GONNA DO IT. 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
3384 This is all I got in the divorce. 1.1781 0.04913 73 61 11 1
3385 A lovely couple at table 7 has requested your company for dinner tonight. 1.1781 0.05286 73 62 9 2
3386 Trust me, I can unlock your full potential. 1.1781 0.04913 73 61 11 1
3387 I hear you; these days, most of my patients have twist tops. 1.1781 0.04509 73 60 13 0
3388 So, ready to pop? 1.1781 0.04913 73 61 11 1
3389 Here at Kaiser Permanente, we can get you into an outpatient procedure today. 1.1781 0.05286 73 62 9 2
3390 This might hurt a bit but think about how much you're going to help Portugal! 1.1781 0.04913 73 61 11 1
3391 I have the perfect treatment for your weight problem 1.1781 0.05962 73 64 5 4
3392 You'll just feel a brief pinch, a twist and it's done! 1.1781 0.05634 73 63 7 3
3393 It’s either this or your prostate. 1.1781 0.04509 73 60 13 0
3394 Would you say you feel bright and balanced? 1.1781 0.05286 73 62 9 2
3395 I'm sorry, but I cannot provide you with medical treatment since you do not have health insurance. 1.1781 0.05634 73 63 7 3
3396 - Sure this won’t hurt? 1.1781 0.05286 73 62 9 2
3397 Doc, please help me; I’m all stopped up! I’ll pay you in Chateau Latour. 1.1781 0.05286 73 62 9 2
3398 This won’t hurt a bit, just close your eyes.” When a politician becomes a doctor 1.1781 0.04913 73 61 11 1
3399 : "The aeration procedure should only take 30 minutes, then we'll need a blood sample." 1.1781 0.05286 73 62 9 2
3400 Do I really need a corkoscopy at my age? 1.1778 0.04350 90 75 14 1
3401 Hi! I can open you up to the whole world! 1.1778 0.04053 90 74 16 0
3402 We've discovered a treatment for when you are told to "put a cork in it!" 1.1778 0.04628 90 76 12 2
3403 I'm a Proctologist. I understand you have a Cork up your Butt. 1.1778 0.05139 90 78 8 4
3404 Don’t whine this won’t hurt. You’ll feel a lot better soon! 1.1778 0.04053 90 74 16 0
3405 Don't worry, I've successfully performed this procedure nightly for over 20 years. 1.1778 0.04890 90 77 10 3
3406 It's that time of day. 1.1772 0.05628 79 69 6 4
3407 But it's in a good way. 1.1772 0.05018 79 67 10 2
3408 And afterwards you'll get a good long rest. 1.1772 0.05018 79 67 10 2
3409 No, it doesn't hurt at all. Just bend over, and cough. 1.1772 0.04684 79 66 12 1
3410 No, you are not mistaken at all Mr Noir. That was The Charcuterie family in the waiting room with you before 1.1772 0.05332 79 68 8 3
3411 Well, your health insurance only authorizes one procedure and it is a bit like a colonoscopy.. 1.1772 0.05018 79 67 10 2
3412 Do you hear yourself? I can practically guarantee no one is out to get you. 1.1772 0.04684 79 66 12 1
3413 Yes, it’s time again for your corkoscopy. 1.1772 0.04684 79 66 12 1
3414 Happily, this procedure requires only your own internal anesthetic. 1.1772 0.04684 79 66 12 1
3415 Trust me - based on your age and my experience, this is by far the best solution. 1.1772 0.04684 79 66 12 1
3416 Given your age and family history, I should probably run some tests. 1.1772 0.04324 79 65 14 0
3417 I’ll be honest. Yeah, it’s a giant corkscrew behind my back AND I’m happy to see you.” 1.1772 0.05018 79 67 10 2
3418 It's invasive, but you'll breathe much better. 1.1772 0.05018 79 67 10 2
3419 I promise. Just a slight tug and you'll be breathing a lot better. 1.1772 0.05018 79 67 10 2
3420 Don't worry I'm not here to screw you. 1.1772 0.05018 79 67 10 2
3421 I have a treatment that is going to blow your mind! 1.1772 0.04684 79 66 12 1
3422 I won't screw you if it's not necessary. 1.1771 0.04187 96 80 15 1
3423 It will only be a little pinch 1.1771 0.04441 96 81 13 2
3424 You wine, I screw, it’s the practice we call- *modern day medicine* 1.1771 0.04441 96 81 13 2
3425 Relax! It isn't like brain surgery- probably? 1.1765 0.05070 85 73 9 3
3426 You can breathe after the procedure. 1.1765 0.04159 85 70 15 0
3427 Just a tiny pinch. 1.1765 0.05339 85 74 7 4
3428 gues what youve been replaeced 1.1765 0.05070 85 73 9 3
3429 I'm a swirl, sniff and sip specialist. 1.1765 0.04657 68 56 12 0
3430 Good news! I have the solution to your constipation problem!!! 1.1765 0.05070 85 73 9 3
3431 I've something that will make or break the entire evening 1.1765 0.05520 68 58 8 2
3432 Are you ready for your phylloxera exam? 1.1765 0.04786 85 72 11 2
3433 We shall now effect a slight catharsis. 1.1765 0.04159 85 70 15 0
3434 Trust me, this won’t hurt a bit. 1.1765 0.05107 68 57 10 1
3435 ‘’Your oxidation level is somewhat higher than I’d like.” 1.1765 0.04484 85 71 13 1
3436 What do you say we see just how balanced you are on the inside? 1.1765 0.04484 85 71 13 1
3437 Yes, we we do have to open you, but the you’ll be able to breathe. 1.1765 0.04484 85 71 13 1
3438 But the good news is, I'll let you breathe for 30 minutes. 1.1765 0.04786 85 72 11 2
3439 What makes you think the system wants to screw you? 1.1765 0.04567 119 104 9 6
3440 I'm reasonable sure your not bleeding, but it's wise to check. 1.1765 0.05107 68 57 10 1
3441 Let’s see Napa make a bigger Cab than this! 1.1765 0.04484 85 71 13 1
3442 We have you scheduled for a cork replacement 1.1765 0.04275 102 86 14 2
3443 Do I detect hints of disquiet along with well-defined notes of trepidation? 1.1765 0.04786 85 72 11 2
3444 Side effects may include piercing headaches. 1.1765 0.04484 85 71 13 1
3445 You have aged well, but you’re still due for a cork-onoscopy. 1.1758 0.04840 91 78 10 3
3446 I'm not hiding anything "screwy", I swear! 1.1758 0.05086 91 79 8 4
3447 We have a special medical procedure we will use to remedy your affliction. 1.1758 0.05086 91 79 8 4
3448 Unfortunately, anesthesia is out of the question. It cannot be mixed with alcohol. 1.1758 0.04840 91 78 10 3
3449 DON'T WORRY. THIS PROCEEDURE WILL ONLY TAKE A SCEOND. ONCE YOU HEAR THE "POP" IT'LL BE ALL OVER. 1.1758 0.04581 91 77 12 2
3450 I promise I won't screw you over. 1.1758 0.04306 91 76 14 1
3451 It must be the grape depression. You can talk to me; I will do my best to help you open up" 1.1758 0.04581 91 77 12 2
3452 Now just relax sir, it’s only a little something to help you breathe. 1.1758 0.04306 91 76 14 1
3453 Whining is not going to help. 1.1758 0.04581 91 77 12 2
3454 Your bloodwork indicates possible notes of chocolate but we’ll need further tests. 1.1758 0.04306 91 76 14 1
3455 How else would your doctor change your body fluids? 1.1757 0.04852 74 62 11 1
3456 No worries, it's a routine procedure ... I promise you'll feel nothing. 1.1757 0.05219 74 63 9 2
3457 It'll only pinch for a minute. 1.1757 0.04852 74 62 11 1
3458 I have a really BIG surprise for you! 1.1757 0.04852 74 62 11 1
3459 Try not to blow your cork; but when I pull it out, it'll allow you to breath again. 1.1757 0.04852 74 62 11 1
3460 Let's open you up and see what's what.a 1.1757 0.04454 74 61 13 0
3461 Just bend over; you won't feel a thing! 1.1757 0.05219 74 63 9 2
3462 Trust me I'm a neurosurgeon 1.1757 0.04852 74 62 11 1
3463 C'mon now, you are anesthetic! 1.1757 0.05219 74 63 9 2
3464 Hate to be blunt, but you are screwed. 1.1757 0.04454 74 61 13 0
3465 Just a prick! I promise it wont hurt 1.1757 0.04454 74 61 13 0
3466 Don’t worry. I never open wine before it’s time. 1.1757 0.05219 74 63 9 2
3467 I've got a hilarious twister for you that will wipe out that sad face. 1.1757 0.05219 74 63 9 2
3468 Well, for openers, we've added a new twist to our treatments! 1.1757 0.05563 74 64 7 3
3469 Now if you could just bend over 1.1757 0.05886 74 65 5 4
3470 Don’t worry! Your cork will be saved in a goblet for decades until one day it will be tossed in the garbage. 1.1757 0.04852 74 62 11 1
3471 Don't worry. This is a routine procedure I perform three to four times each day. 1.1757 0.04852 74 62 11 1
3472 First the good news: you have aged well. 1.1757 0.05219 74 63 9 2
3473 Don’t be bitter, but your health plan is going to screw you over again. 1.1757 0.04852 74 62 11 1
3474 Don't worry, you'll only feel a momentary discomfort in your Shiraz. 1.1753 0.04637 97 83 11 3
3475 You may want to let yourself breathe before I do this 1.1753 0.04148 97 81 15 1
3476 We need to test to see if you’re Corked.. 1.1753 0.04637 97 83 11 3
3477 We need to clean you out 1.1753 0.04399 97 82 13 2
3478 A minor extraction will turn things around, especially the hospital food. 1.1750 0.04960 80 68 10 2
3479 Doc, I just said I had a little acidity. You don't have to use that implement and perform a lobotomy, for God's sake. 1.1750 0.05270 80 69 8 3
3480 You’ll be better after I let you breath for a day or two. 1.1750 0.04960 80 68 10 2
3481 Just think of it as an enema with a different nozzle. 1.1750 0.04960 80 68 10 2
3482 It's complicated with you old school bottles, I can't just unscrew you. 1.1750 0.04275 80 66 14 0
3483 You're going to be part of a new case study. 1.1750 0.05270 80 69 8 3
3484 Trepanning" is so old-fashioned. For you, I prefer decanting 1.1750 0.04275 80 66 14 0
3485 Now, this may hurt a little but it will help you breathe. 1.1750 0.04630 80 67 12 1
3486 Yes, you've reached the age where we must screen for dregs 1.1750 0.05270 80 69 8 3
3487 I prefer the term "up-endoscope" 1.1750 0.05270 80 69 8 3
3488 Now, now, once we get rid of that nasty blockage, we can party! 1.1750 0.04630 80 67 12 1
3489 Niw let's find out exactly what's causing that acidity. 1.1750 0.04630 80 67 12 1
3490 ‘Doctor, I feel like I’m a bottle of wine!’ - ‘You look full-bodied to me’ 1.1750 0.04630 80 67 12 1
3491 Just think of it as a very effective diuretic. 1.1750 0.05270 80 69 8 3
3492 The good news is, it's not a suppository. 1.1750 0.04960 80 68 10 2
3493 It'll only be a minute, and you'll feel so much lighter afterwards. 1.1750 0.04275 80 66 14 0
3494 Don’t worry, benefits outweigh the risks! 1.1750 0.04275 80 66 14 0
3495 Ted, it’s time we had that talk. 1.1748 0.04455 103 88 12 3
3496 I assure you, I've never been drunk while performing surgery. 1.1748 0.04236 103 87 14 2
3497 Trust me, you’ll only feel a pinch! 1.1746 0.04821 63 52 11 0
3498 Don't worry. You're just going to feel a little pinch. 1.1746 0.05787 63 54 7 2
3499 This won't hurt at all, you may, even, enjoy it 1.1746 0.05787 63 54 7 2
3500 You'll only feel a mild pinch. 1.1744 0.04734 86 73 11 2
3501 Don’t worry. We’re gonna drill down and find out exactly what you’re made of. 1.1744 0.04436 86 72 13 1
3502 We just need to - uh - smell your cork. 1.1744 0.04734 86 73 11 2
3503 My plan for today is Mis En Bouteille. 1.1744 0.04116 86 71 15 0
3504 I'm not a proctologist 1.1744 0.04734 86 73 11 2
3505 I have just the thing to help you with your headache. 1.1744 0.05281 86 75 7 4
3506 It's a simple procedure and .....ummm you'll breathe easier. 1.1744 0.04436 86 72 13 1
3507 Time to let you breathe. 1.1744 0.04436 86 72 13 1
3508 I would describe your health as ‘robust’. Now for the bad news… 1.1744 0.05281 86 75 7 4
3509 How would you like to meet Mr. Steak? 1.1744 0.04116 86 71 15 0
3510 You may hear a popping sound during this procedure. 1.1744 0.04734 86 73 11 2
3511 You’ll feel a little pinch, and then a burning sensation. 1.1744 0.04734 86 73 11 2
3512 I just need to quickly check how you’ve aged 1.1744 0.05015 86 74 9 3
3513 The good news is I'm not a proctologist. 1.1744 0.04436 86 72 13 1
3514 With all that wine in you, believe me--you won't feel a thing. 1.1739 0.04535 92 78 12 2
3515 Under my care, you have aged well." 1.1739 0.03973 92 76 16 0
3516 Taming with the screw 1.1739 0.04263 92 77 14 1
3517 Good news! We can relieve that pressure in your neck with a simple surgery. 1.1739 0.03973 92 76 16 0
3518 Kisses on your opening . 1.1739 0.05445 69 59 8 2
3519 I'm gonna have you breathe and relax while I gather my colleagues for this diagnosis. 1.1739 0.05039 69 58 10 1
3520 I promise you won’t get screwed. 1.1739 0.04596 69 57 12 0
3521 I like to get kissed before I get screwed. 1.1739 0.04535 92 78 12 2
3522 You will feel lighter after the surgery, I promiss. 1.1739 0.05445 69 59 8 2
3523 I hear vintage is cool again. 1.1739 0.05824 69 60 6 3
3524 You'll just feel a small pinch. 1.1735 0.04358 98 83 13 2
3525 No, we need to talk first. You have to tell my wife that you love me more. 1.1735 0.03845 98 81 17 0
3526 No need to be alarmed - I've done this procedure hundreds of times. 1.1735 0.04358 98 83 13 2
3527 It'll pinch a little when I try to remove that cork that's stuck. 1.1733 0.04400 75 62 13 0
3528 You are being replaced by Nitrous Oxide. Your last check will be mailed. 1.1733 0.04792 75 63 11 1
3529 No, really, you won't feel a thing." 1.1733 0.05155 75 64 9 2
3530 Corked, you say, Mr. Hooch? You have come to just the right place! 1.1733 0.04792 75 63 11 1
3531 Hello! Do come in, at first glance you are looking somewhat rancid. 1.1733 0.04792 75 63 11 1
3532 The cure is quick and easy. In fact we use the same technique for ear wax. 1.1733 0.04792 75 63 11 1
3533 You look like you would benefit from a corking good screw. 1.1733 0.05155 75 64 9 2
3534 The colonoscopy itself is completely painless. But some find the prep to be a bit unpleasant. 1.1733 0.05155 75 64 9 2
3535 You'll feel a prick, but then you'll be able to breathe 1.1733 0.05155 75 64 9 2
3536 Will it hurt? Describe hurt. 1.1733 0.04792 75 63 11 1
3537 At least you’ll be getting out of the ‘seller’. See what I did there? I make myself laugh.” 1.1733 0.04792 75 63 11 1
3538 After this procedure, I think you'll be able to breathe much better! 1.1733 0.05155 75 64 9 2
3539 This exam is specially tailored to natural wine patients. 1.1733 0.05493 75 65 7 3
3540 Fortunately,I can relieve that corked feeling right here in the office. 1.1733 0.04792 75 63 11 1
3541 Think of it like a colonoscopy, only in your head. 1.1733 0.05493 75 65 7 3
3542 Yes I have a solution for your problem and your about to be screwed. 1.1733 0.04792 75 63 11 1
3543 Good news! We can relieve your obsession with alcohol. 1.1728 0.04578 81 68 12 1
3544 The bad news is you're aging, the good news is you're wine 1.1728 0.04903 81 69 10 2
3545 And now for a simple blood alcohol test. 1.1728 0.04578 81 68 12 1
3546 No, I'll never screw you. 1.1728 0.04578 81 68 12 1
3547 Let's be fully open: you have a lot bottled up inside 1.1728 0.05209 81 70 8 3
3548 You could at least wear a rubber glove......... 1.1728 0.04903 81 69 10 2
3549 You don't have be embarrassed about getting uncorked here." 1.1728 0.04578 81 68 12 1
3550 At your vintage, I strongly recommend we do a taste test. 1.1728 0.04903 81 69 10 2
3551 Oh this procedure, it's called a 'corkage fee-otomoy' and I'll the one charging you for it this time 1.1728 0.04903 81 69 10 2
3552 Deep breath in. You will just feel a small amount of pressure. 1.1728 0.04578 81 68 12 1
3553 It's like a colonoscopy only the other end, and you'll feel oh so much better when we drain all that fluid. 1.1728 0.04903 81 69 10 2
3554 To hell with Cabernet!, when I heard of the medical benefits of Pinot noir… 1.1728 0.04227 81 67 14 0
3555 Good afternoon,I am Doctor Aerate. I know how I can help you. 1.1728 0.04578 81 68 12 1
3556 Don't worry, it's only temporary 1.1728 0.04578 81 68 12 1
3557 I thought you said "lobotomy" not "open bottle please." 1.1728 0.04903 81 69 10 2
3558 Now you're going to wish that you had that screw top. 1.1728 0.04903 81 69 10 2
3559 Oh, no; only your insurance company will try to screw you. 1.1728 0.04578 81 68 12 1
3560 Fear not, I am a doctor but also a fine sommelier at heart. 1.1727 0.03844 110 92 17 1
3561 Just breathe normally and you'll be fine. 1.1724 0.04961 87 75 9 3
3562 But sir, I assure you corkage is included in your co-pay. 1.1724 0.04073 87 72 15 0
3563 It should help you breathe easier and lose weight! 1.1724 0.05575 58 49 8 1
3564 As your life coach, I'm here to help you uncork your potential! 1.1724 0.04684 87 74 11 2
3565 Thanks to your natural anesthetic qualities, you shouldn't feel any pain. 1.1720 0.04221 93 78 14 1
3566 I'm not sure how to 'open up' for a relaxed evening. 1.1720 0.04983 93 81 8 4
3567 "You need to breathe lightly for 30 minutes after this procedure." 1.1719 0.05702 64 55 7 2
3568 'Look I gotta be honest, once I take it out you're not going to last maybe one or two days at best!' 1.1719 0.05702 64 55 7 2
3569 Relax, Mr. Merlot. It's a simple extraction, really. 1.1719 0.05249 64 54 9 1
3570 Lobotomy is a procedure of an older vintage. We have more direct methods now. 1.1714 0.04973 70 59 10 1
3571 All wines must undergo this procedure once they reach a certain age. 1.1714 0.05373 70 60 8 2
3572 After I solve your constipation, we'll be able to celebrate right here. 1.1714 0.04973 70 59 10 1
3573 I’ve always wanted to try this on a screw top.” 1.1714 0.05373 70 60 8 2
3574 Not to worry. You will not feel a thing. 1.1714 0.05373 70 60 8 2
3575 you're stopped up ans need to be unplugged......fortunately primary care can handle this 1.1714 0.05373 70 60 8 2
3576 Sure, sure ….You’re a twist off like I own the joint . 1.1714 0.05745 70 61 6 3
3577 I’m done with you 1.1714 0.05745 70 61 6 3
3578 you left your emotions bottled-up and now you're screwed" 1.1714 0.05373 70 60 8 2
3579 I can remove it and it will only take a second. 1.1714 0.04973 70 59 10 1
3580 It's for you get get some fresh air. 1.1711 0.05091 76 65 9 2
3581 You'll just feel a slight uncorking sensation. 1.1711 0.05425 76 66 7 3
3582 This is going to hurt me alot more than it will hurt you. 1.1711 0.05425 76 66 7 3
3583 We have a far reaching new treatment. 1.1711 0.05091 76 65 9 2
3584 Now I know this colonoscopy may look different than normal... 1.1711 0.05425 76 66 7 3
3585 Think of me as your gastrointestinal sommelier." 1.1711 0.05425 76 66 7 3
3586 It won’t age you a bit! 1.1711 0.04734 76 64 11 1
3587 I think I have the remedy to help you breathe better. 1.1711 0.04734 76 64 11 1
3588 Grandma! 1.1711 0.05091 76 65 9 2
3589 The bad news is that you have a terminal condition. The good news is that not all is lost! 1.1711 0.05425 76 66 7 3
3590 What makes you think I'm about to screw you? 1.1711 0.05091 76 65 9 2
3591 Have no fear, you are about to be poured. Don't worry you will be re-cycled. 1.1711 0.04734 76 64 11 1
3592 It’s a proven method for relieving the pressure you feel. 1.1711 0.05091 76 65 9 2
3593 I can help you get that out 1.1711 0.04734 76 64 11 1
3594 It always hurts the first time. 1.1711 0.04734 76 64 11 1
3595 Your diagnosis is dire. In fact, you're screwed!! 1.1711 0.05091 76 65 9 2
3596 It's OK if you let out a little whine. 1.1711 0.04348 76 63 13 0
3597 Don't worry. We just need to draw a little, for taste testing. 1.1707 0.04527 82 69 12 1
3598 Yes, you are screwed up, but we'll have you fixed in no time. 1.1707 0.04527 82 69 12 1
3599 Turn around. This won't hurt a bit. 1.1707 0.04181 82 68 14 0
3600 Trust me, it's a non-invasive procedure. 1.1707 0.04527 82 69 12 1
3601 Don’t worry. I’m just switching it out to a screw top. 1.1707 0.04848 82 70 10 2
3602 Please don't be alarmed. I promise you'll be able to breathe. 1.1707 0.04181 82 68 14 0
3603 Elegant, capricious, enchanting. Or dull, forgettable, lifeless. It’s all in how we remove the cork. Trust me. 1.1707 0.04527 82 69 12 1
3604 I recommend a local anesthetic. 1.1707 0.04527 82 69 12 1
3605 And you thought your prostate exam was rough.... 1.1707 0.04527 82 69 12 1
3606 Your problem is fluid retention and and I can fix that with with one little poke. 1.1707 0.04181 82 68 14 0
3607 I lied earlier, I’m actually under age! 1.1707 0.04848 82 70 10 2
3608 Mr. Châteauneuf-du-Pape, according to your temperature, we need to do it now! 1.1707 0.04848 82 70 10 2
3609 You said you were born in ‘78? That’s my favorite year. 1.1707 0.04527 82 69 12 1
3610 You might feel a little pinch. 1.1705 0.04343 88 74 13 1
3611 I'm not a bottle psychiatrist, but go ahead, tell me your problem. 1.1705 0.04031 88 73 15 0
3612 Your cork needs to come out so that you can breathe better. 1.1705 0.04634 88 75 11 2
3613 Not to worry 1.1705 0.04031 88 73 15 0
3614 There is going to be a twist to this week's session. 1.1705 0.04343 88 74 13 1
3615 I’m sorry but your insurance has lowered the recommended age for screening to forty 1.1705 0.04343 88 74 13 1
3616 You will feel a little pinch and then it will be over 1.1705 0.04343 88 74 13 1
3617 I heard you've been keeping your cork until the right doctor comes along. 1.1705 0.04343 88 74 13 1
3618 That cork's given you a lot of good years, Franc. It may be time to replace it with a screw top. 1.1702 0.03897 94 78 16 0
3619 Great news, I can get rid of that pressure causing you headaches"! 1.1702 0.04180 94 79 14 1
3620 I have something to relieve your gas. 1.1702 0.04933 94 82 8 4
3621 On humans patients we normally just use a finger... 1.1702 0.04933 94 82 8 4
3622 Trust me, all the fine wines are doing it. You’ll be able to breathe in just a few moments… 1.1698 0.04338 106 91 12 3
3623 You're in good hands, I've removed thousands of corks. 1.1695 0.04926 59 49 10 0
3624 It's out of neck work. 1.1692 0.05620 65 56 7 2
3625 Oh, c'mon. A little prick, then you'll be wine! 1.1692 0.05620 65 56 7 2
3626 I understand you are a little backed up. 1.1690 0.04908 71 60 10 1
3627 No need to be scared, we just need to do this to help you "breathe"! 1.1690 0.04908 71 60 10 1
3628 No need to worry: for someone as well aged as you, it's time to pop the cork and share your greatness 1.1690 0.05669 71 62 6 3
3629 You're going to feel a little pressure.... 1.1690 0.05302 71 61 8 2
3630 You'll just feel a pinch! But relax, your spirits have been so bottled up that you will be much better afterwards! 1.1690 0.05302 71 61 8 2
3631 turn your head left and cough!! 1.1690 0.04479 71 59 12 0
3632 Don't worry, Mr. Malbec. We'll have you 'breathing' better than ever! 1.1690 0.04479 71 59 12 0
3633 So Mr Malbec, I understand you're here for an extraction. 1.1690 0.04479 71 59 12 0
3634 Just say "Ahhhhhh." 1.1690 0.05302 71 61 8 2
3635 It's just be a little pinch. Followed by some pressure. Then immediate relief. 1.1690 0.05302 71 61 8 2
3636 Once I’m exposed to oxygen will I taste funny? 1.1690 0.04479 71 59 12 0
3637 Well, the bad news is your rehab will be quite long. 1.1688 0.05030 77 66 9 2
3638 We need to spill your innards. 1.1688 0.04678 77 65 11 1
3639 Just one more procedure and you'll be cleared for service. 1.1688 0.05030 77 66 9 2
3640 Look at it this way: In this environment, even a fine vintage win gets screwed. 1.1688 0.04297 77 64 13 0
3641 As we get older sometimes we need to be recorked. It's usually a quick painless procedure. 1.1688 0.05359 77 67 7 3
3642 Bend over and relax 1.1688 0.05030 77 66 9 2
3643 Trust me, I'd know if you were screwed up. 1.1688 0.05030 77 66 9 2
3644 Sure I'll respect you in the morning. 1.1688 0.04297 77 64 13 0
3645 Consider yourself lucky. Human have to do something similar every five years. 1.1688 0.05030 77 66 9 2
3646 Don't worry. Alcohol dulls the pain. 1.1688 0.04678 77 65 11 1
3647 So once again, let's start from the beginning. Do you feel detached, burnt out and unfulfilled? 1.1688 0.04678 77 65 11 1
3648 Actually, it’s only a heart attack if it’s in the thoracic region of your chest. Otherwise it’s just a sparkling infarction. 1.1688 0.05359 77 67 7 3
3649 I'm not sure what's worse: your blood pressure or your taste in wine. 1.1687 0.04476 83 70 12 1
3650 If I didn't check your nitrates, we'd both be screwed. 1.1687 0.04793 83 71 10 2
3651 It's a common procedure for patients your vintage, I mean age. 1.1687 0.04793 83 71 10 2
3652 It will be much more painful if I have to help you open up. 1.1687 0.04476 83 70 12 1
3653 You'll feel a pinch. 1.1687 0.04793 83 71 10 2
3654 I've found your weight-loss cure...and it's delicious. 1.1687 0.05091 83 72 8 3
3655 You’ll just feel a little pinch for my palette. 1.1687 0.04476 83 70 12 1
3656 This will hurt you more than me? 1.1687 0.04135 83 69 14 0
3657 It’s that time again. Bend over. This won’t hurt a bit. 1.1687 0.04135 83 69 14 0
3658 We’d like a little serum sample. But we’ll take care of the urine sample ourselves. 1.1687 0.05091 83 72 8 3
3659 On the bright side, this corkage fee counts towards your deductible. 1.1687 0.05091 83 72 8 3
3660 It's a procedure recommended for all patients over 20 - not painful, but it may leave you a bit light-headed. 1.1685 0.04299 89 75 13 1
3661 A little stress relief will cure this for both of us. 1.1685 0.04856 89 77 9 3
3662 I have a remedy for that pent up pressure we're feeling. 1.1685 0.04299 89 75 13 1
3663 For a small extra charge, you can have anesthesia. 1.1685 0.04586 89 76 11 2
3664 This should take care of your gas. 1.1685 0.04586 89 76 11 2
3665 Good news. I’ll see you again no sooner than next year. 1.1685 0.04586 89 76 11 2
3666 Quit whining 1.1685 0.03991 89 74 15 0
3667 History of alcoholism in the family? 1.1685 0.04586 89 76 11 2
3668 It’s an inpatient procedure - namely, this tool here goes in the patient. 1.1685 0.04586 89 76 11 2
3669 I have the perfect solution here that will surely stop your whining. 1.1684 0.04140 95 80 14 1
3670 It’ll be red for a while, but all of that should be gone by suppertime. 1.1684 0.04650 95 82 10 3
3671 This is the procedure that your insurance covers. 1.1684 0.04140 95 80 14 1
3672 Soon, I'll be feeling no pain... er... this won't hurt a bit. 1.1667 0.04360 96 82 12 2
3673 Stop your whining, I'm not trying to screw with you. 1.1667 0.04623 78 66 11 1
3674 It's the standard treatment for anyone who's stopped up. 1.1667 0.05540 66 57 7 2
3675 I believe you've consumed too much hot sauce Mr. Smith. 1.1667 0.04091 84 70 14 0
3676 I am pleased to advise that there is no indication that your cork has metastasized. Nevertheless, it does have to be removed for gastronomic reasons. 1.1667 0.04970 78 67 9 2
3677 Please bend over so I can pop the cork and do your colonoscopy. 1.1667 0.04845 72 61 10 1
3678 Relax, I'm a dentist, this won't hurt a bit 1.1667 0.04845 72 61 10 1
3679 Don't worry. Corkectomies are rarely fatal! 1.1667 0.04806 90 78 9 3
3680 Yes, we can take care of that in the office, It's called a Corkectomy! 1.1667 0.04427 84 71 12 1
3681 I have a bottle in front of me and you'll have a frontal lobotomy! 1.1667 0.04255 90 76 13 1
3682 Don't worry, I have the perfect remedy for feeling corked 1.1667 0.04255 90 76 13 1
3683 I promise you this won't hurt at all and we'll feel much once you've been drained. 1.1667 0.04539 90 77 11 2
3684 Don't screw with me! 1.1667 0.04199 102 87 13 2
3685 Well, Mr. Merlot, you've reached the age where we need to do a scope to ensure things are as they should be. 1.1667 0.05595 72 63 6 3
3686 oh no, we don’t do blood letting anymore … 1.1667 0.04091 84 70 14 0
3687 Of cork, I'm sorry, course we won't operate. 1.1667 0.04623 78 66 11 1
3688 I've got a surprise for you. 1.1667 0.04424 102 88 11 3
3689 Earlier today, when I said, "I think I'm really screwed on that," I didn't mean for you to take that literally! 1.1667 0.05540 66 57 7 2
3690 You know, at your vintage, we really recommend doing this once a year. 1.1667 0.04623 78 66 11 1
3691 Constipated, you say? Well, let’s just see about that ... 1.1667 0.05102 66 56 9 1
3692 We call it a corkectomy. Very routine. 1.1667 0.04970 78 67 9 2
3693 I can release your pressure almost instantly! 1.1667 0.04845 72 61 10 1
3694 Wait, I thought you said Coravin?! 1.1667 0.04970 78 67 9 2
3695 We know you know something about the case and we suggest you open up. Come on---Spill it! Otherwise--heh-heh--we have ways to make you cooperate." 1.1667 0.04360 96 82 12 2
3696 Don't worry with our new vacuum pump technology, you'll barely deteriorate in texture or acidity, and once re-corked you'll barely notice any difference. 1.1667 0.04623 66 55 11 0
3697 This may feel unpleasant, but if you could just turn and cough twice, we will get through it quickly. 1.1667 0.04970 78 67 9 2
3698 No Mr. Franklin, there is no giant corkscrew behind my back. I warned you to keep taking your meds. 1.1667 0.04539 90 77 11 2
3699 I've been patient but it's time. 1.1667 0.04623 78 66 11 1
3700 You may think you're screwed up, but I have the perfect twist for you! 1.1667 0.05294 78 68 7 3
3701 I’m not trying to screw you. 1.1667 0.05903 60 52 6 2
3702 Boo! 1.1667 0.05233 72 62 8 2
3703 You can't make Sangria without uncorking a few bottles. 1.1667 0.04091 84 70 14 0
3704 Good news! You don't need to bottle up your emotions anymore. 1.1667 0.04845 72 61 10 1
3705 There is no need to be nervous, we just need to see if you're corked or not! 1.1667 0.04970 78 67 9 2
3706 The table has requested our oldest wine. Pee into this glass,old man. 1.1667 0.05233 72 62 8 2
3707 Ah,my 5 o’clock appointments are always my favorite. 1.1667 0.04100 96 81 14 1
3708 This is the last part of your vintage exam. "Please bend over". 1.1667 0.04845 72 61 10 1
3709 No, no — we don’t want to screw you. We just want to open you up a little. 1.1667 0.04740 84 72 10 2
3710 I can perform a procedure that will help you to breathe, but it may leave you feeling a bit empty. 1.1667 0.04740 84 72 10 2
3711 The good news is at least you don’t have to give up the booze. 1.1667 0.04423 72 60 12 0
3712 We'll use the latest technology to help you breathe. 1.1667 0.03950 90 75 15 0
3713 I'm afraid you didn't improve with age. 1.1667 0.04970 78 67 9 2
3714 A high colonic will do you good. 1.1667 0.04970 78 67 9 2
3715 Hmm,I thought this only happened in adult films. 1.1667 0.04845 72 61 10 1
3716 A slight prick and then I won't feel a thing. 1.1667 0.05102 66 56 9 1
3717 DONT WORRY THIS IS JUST AN EXPIORTORY IMPLANT. 1.1667 0.04247 78 65 13 0
3718 The good news is, we won't be doing a prostate exam... 1.1667 0.04740 84 72 10 2
3719 Congratulations, you are now of a certain vintage. Please turn and cough. 1.1667 0.04845 72 61 10 1
3720 You’re a certified professional doctor. Right? 1.1667 0.04423 72 60 12 0
3721 You know the old saying, 'Your wine needs to breathe?' 1.1667 0.05233 72 62 8 2
3722 Don’t worry. You will just feel a little pinch. 1.1667 0.04091 84 70 14 0
3723 Let us never speak of this again 1.1667 0.04970 78 67 9 2
3724 I’ve got a bottle in front of me , you get the frontal lobotomy . 1.1667 0.04427 84 71 12 1
3725 Don't worry, the purple will clear up when somebody drinks you. 1.1667 0.04845 72 61 10 1
3726 Fair enough...but would you rather I have giant hands and a tiny corkscrew? 1.1667 0.04740 84 72 10 2
3727 I’ve got just the thing for those migraines you’ve been having. 1.1667 0.04623 78 66 11 1
3728 Here’s Jooohnny! 1.1667 0.05294 78 68 7 3
3729 Just relax. You'll feel a little pinch. 1.1667 0.04623 78 66 11 1
3730 Bend over and touch your toes for me, please. 1.1667 0.04740 84 72 10 2
3731 Hey doc, I don’t mean to whine, but I’m feeling a bit stopped up. 1.1667 0.04845 72 61 10 1
3732 You’ll only feel a slight pinch, but full-bodied with hints of cork. 1.1667 0.04623 78 66 11 1
3733 Please turn around, lie face down and put your hands on your cork. 1.1649 0.04789 97 85 8 4
3734 You will feel a small sting and then some pressure… then you should start breathing better! 1.1649 0.04061 97 82 14 1
3735 Don’t worry, your fear of getting screwed is all in your head. 1.1649 0.04061 97 82 14 1
3736 I have the perfect solution for your constipation problem. 1.1648 0.04212 91 77 13 1
3737 Won’t hurt a bit, this is just to help you breathe before dinner. 1.1648 0.04492 91 78 11 2
3738 I promise you won't feel as bottled up afterwards. 1.1648 0.04492 91 78 11 2
3739 Just close your eyes and imagine you're being screwed. 1.1647 0.04688 85 73 10 2
3740 You’ll only be screwed with the bill. 1.1647 0.05252 85 75 6 4
3741 You have improved with age! 1.1647 0.04978 85 74 8 3
3742 You might feel some slight discomfort. 1.1647 0.04688 85 73 10 2
3743 Oh this? Just a little tool to help you breathe. You decant feel it a bit. 1.1647 0.04688 85 73 10 2
3744 Have you heard the one about the bottle in front of me or the frontal lobotomy? 1.1647 0.04688 85 73 10 2
3745 It's a steroid-free inhaler 1.1647 0.04978 85 74 8 3
3746 Relax its just a yeast infection, I'd like to take another sample in a month to see how you are doing. 1.1646 0.04911 79 68 9 2
3747 Don't worry. This won't screw up anything important. 1.1646 0.04198 79 66 13 0
3748 If you could just turn around and face the wall while I check your breathing... 1.1646 0.04568 79 67 11 1
3749 Hi, I'm Dr. Goodenough. I'm here at St. Pete's for my neurosurgery rotation. 1.1646 0.04568 79 67 11 1
3750 Don’t worry, recorking is a very discreet procedure. You can just tell people you had a deviated septum. 1.1646 0.05231 79 69 7 3
3751 Bottle: You just want to screw me and drink me! Man: I love it when the bottle keeps talking like this! 1.1646 0.04911 79 68 9 2
3752 You might see Saint Pétrus after this. . 1.1646 0.04568 79 67 11 1
3753 there’s no reason to be in terroir. 1.1646 0.04568 79 67 11 1
3754 You'll just feel a teeny tiny pinch. 1.1644 0.05166 73 63 8 2
3755 Now it's time for your DRE. 1.1644 0.04368 73 61 12 0
3756 Think of it as a healix, rather than a screw. 1.1644 0.05166 73 63 8 2
3757 Just turn your head and cough please. 1.1644 0.04784 73 62 10 1
3758 Don't worry, you will only feel a slight pinch... 1.1644 0.04784 73 62 10 1
3759 We can do this the easy way, or we can do it the hard way. 1.1644 0.04784 73 62 10 1
3760 You’re getting screwed by your insurance. 1.1644 0.05166 73 63 8 2
3761 No...I'm not actually LICENSED to do this, but I am registered with the Police Department, if that helps you. 1.1644 0.04784 73 62 10 1
3762 Sorry my friend but you are about to be cork-screwed." 1.1644 0.05166 73 63 8 2
3763 oenologically speaking we have an easy solution 1.1644 0.04368 73 61 12 0
3764 You'll be free of the cork and get out for a tasting. 1.1644 0.05166 73 63 8 2
3765 Are you ready for a winescopy? 1.1644 0.04784 73 62 10 1
3766 Actually, I was thinking of liver and fava beans. Why do you ask 1.1644 0.05166 73 63 8 2
3767 Previous biopsies have not gone well, but I believe I'll get this one right. 1.1644 0.04784 73 62 10 1
3768 You’re right that age is just a number. But I have to answer to a table of millennials out there who paid $1,000 per seat to remember what 2005 tastes like. 1.1644 0.04784 73 62 10 1
3769 We still do lobotomies? 1.1644 0.04784 73 62 10 1
3770 You might here a little pop, but don't be alarmed...its just the sounds of the end of your mortality 1.1642 0.05862 67 59 5 3
3771 No fears. It's just like a colonoscopy. 1.1642 0.05862 67 59 5 3
3772 Come come now. We’re not afraid of a little corkscrew are we. 1.1642 0.05031 67 57 9 1
3773 I promise not to screw with any fundamentals. 1.1642 0.04560 67 56 11 0
3774 Bend over and say aaaaah! 1.1642 0.05031 67 57 9 1
3775 But you promised I would make it into my teens 1.1642 0.04560 67 56 11 0
3776 did you cork up? no wonder you look that way. 1.1642 0.05031 67 57 9 1
3777 Frankly, most guys your age welcome a little screwing. 1.1642 0.05462 67 58 7 2
3778 No worries. It's a simple screw of your cork! 1.1639 0.05321 61 52 8 1
3779 Hmmm, won’t bend over or can’t. 1.1639 0.05321 61 52 8 1
3780 I like a wine with a big nose. 1.1639 0.04779 61 51 10 0
3781 Nowadays we can do something about that empty feeling. 1.1633 0.04277 98 84 12 2
3782 I just have to check to see if you still have a long, complex aftertaste. 1.1633 0.04023 98 83 14 1
3783 The good news is there's nothing a simple uncorking can't fix. 1.1630 0.03872 92 77 15 0
3784 Normally, I’m attracted to the light and amusing rose type, but when I saw you in the store, my corkscrew gave me permission to get a little wiggy with a bold and hardy Cab like you. 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
3785 Oh mon Dieu ! Are you going to screw me? 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
3786 Quite unusual, but I think you have gas. 1.1628 0.04332 86 73 12 1
3787 I'm sorry to say, but you're an alcoholic 1.1628 0.04332 86 73 12 1
3788 I'm gonna need you to bend over for just a sec. 1.1628 0.04924 86 75 8 3
3789 Oh, no....I'm not trying to screw you. I just want a friend! 1.1628 0.04004 86 72 14 0
3790 Of course, we really won’t know for sure until we open you up and let you breathe. 1.1628 0.04637 86 74 10 2
3791 Freedom isn't free! 1.1628 0.04924 86 75 8 3
3792 Now just a little pinch… 1.1628 0.04004 86 72 14 0
3793 Good news, Methuselah: It's wine o'clock! 1.1628 0.04004 86 72 14 0
3794 First, let's just make sure you're not corked. 1.1628 0.04924 86 75 8 3
3795 I can cure that rotted grape smell, Mr. Rothschild. 1.1625 0.05169 80 70 7 3
3796 I find it's best if we start with some breathing. 1.1625 0.04853 80 69 9 2
3797 And now, am going to surgically remove your innards and feast on them.....hehehe 1.1625 0.05169 80 70 7 3
3798 Don't worry, I've got just the thing to relieve all that pressure in your neck 1.1625 0.04151 80 67 13 0
3799 You wanted a lobotomy correct? 1.1625 0.04516 80 68 11 1
3800 Trust me,our new medical procedure will clear up your closed-in feelings. 1.1625 0.04516 80 68 11 1
3801 N’ayez pas peur. I interned at the Centre Universitaire de Bordeaux. 1.1625 0.04151 80 67 13 0
3802 Lobotomy sounds so serious. I prefer the term 'ceremonial uncorking' myself. 1.1625 0.05467 80 71 5 4
3803 You'll hear a pop, you'll breathe, we'll celebrate! 1.1625 0.05169 80 70 7 3
3804 Just a little tug and you'll breathe a lot easier. 1.1625 0.04853 80 69 9 2
3805 It's a simple procedure. Most of my aging patients are choosing it. 1.1625 0.04151 80 67 13 0
3806 What's the problem? You're sitting with a big dose of built-in anesthesia. 1.1625 0.04151 80 67 13 0
3807 I've got something that'll take care of your stress. 1.1625 0.04853 80 69 9 2
3808 I have good news! We should celebrate. 1.1625 0.04516 80 68 11 1
3809 Sooo, you’re really gonna get a kick out of this… 1.1625 0.04151 80 67 13 0
3810 Why yes, it is my wife’s birthday tonight. 1.1625 0.04853 80 69 9 2
3811 It's not always irrational to pop the cork! 1.1622 0.04314 74 62 12 0
3812 The good news, I can definitely help you with that breathing problem. 1.1622 0.05101 74 64 8 2
3813 You remember the wonder of the DNA helix. . .? 1.1622 0.04724 74 63 10 1
3814 Don't worry. I have a guaranteed cure for your alcoholism. 1.1622 0.04724 74 63 10 1
3815 Relax, Pierre--opening up will be good for you. 1.1622 0.05101 74 64 8 2
3816 My doctor when he realizes what I meant by "one bottle of liquor a night". 1.1622 0.04724 74 63 10 1
3817 A little constipated? I have just the trick. 1.1622 0.04724 74 63 10 1
3818 Don't worry, we'll find you a nice recycling bin to rest in after we are finished. 1.1622 0.05101 74 64 8 2
3819 Guess who’s invited to my dinner party tonight?” 1.1622 0.05101 74 64 8 2
3820 This won’t hurt one bit. 1.1622 0.05101 74 64 8 2
3821 I promise that I am going to lower your blood pressure 1.1622 0.04724 74 63 10 1
3822 You should see what my doctor does to me. 1.1622 0.04724 74 63 10 1
3823 You're right. I would rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy. 1.1622 0.05101 74 64 8 2
3824 I guess a glass a day... doesn't keep the doctor away 1.1622 0.04724 74 63 10 1
3825 We will need to temporarily remove your brain. 1.1622 0.05101 74 64 8 2
3826 Just try to unwind 1.1622 0.05101 74 64 8 2
3827 Next up: a simple breathing test. 1.1622 0.05101 74 64 8 2
3828 Oh, stop wining. Seeing the invoice is when you’ll really feel screwed 1.1622 0.05781 74 66 4 4
3829 Oh, no need to bend over, you are good right where you are 1.1622 0.04724 74 63 10 1
3830 Now, this won’t hurt me a bit. 1.1622 0.04724 74 63 10 1
3831 don't worry, you've been aged for this! 1.1618 0.04499 68 57 11 0
3832 Don't worry, I've performed hundreds of corkectomies 1.1618 0.04963 68 58 9 1
3833 Not to worry! We'll just take a small sample for some tests! 1.1618 0.05387 68 59 7 2
3834 Just one more test. It’s called a “tasting.” 1.1618 0.05387 68 59 7 2
3835 We really should check you for head lice. 1.1618 0.04963 68 58 9 1
3836 Take one of these, and I'LL call YOU in the morning. 1.1618 0.05387 68 59 7 2
3837 Its like when we remove the orange zeiste 1.1618 0.05780 68 60 5 3
3838 I sense your trepidation, but I assure you it's actually trepanation. 1.1618 0.05387 68 59 7 2
3839 We've got a special treatment for you. And it has an interesting twist at the end. 1.1613 0.03835 93 78 15 0
3840 I think I have a way to get you to open up... 1.1613 0.06168 62 55 4 3
3841 Just lie on your side,please. This will be a little uncomfortable,but you 1.1613 0.05241 62 53 8 1
3842 Just a simple wine draw. Won’t hurt a bit. 1.1613 0.04128 93 79 13 1
3843 Please be gentle 1.1613 0.03835 93 78 15 0
3844 You really should have more of an open mind 1.1613 0.04709 62 52 10 0
3845 Just turn your head and cough. 1.1609 0.04286 87 74 12 1
3846 A glass of wine is the only cure. For me. 1.1609 0.04286 87 74 12 1
3847 It's a kind of brain surgery that will help you breathe. 1.1609 0.04286 87 74 12 1
3848 If you wore a hat all these years, we wouldn't have to do this. 1.1609 0.04286 87 74 12 1
3849 There's a lengthy technical diagnosis, but, in short, you're screwed. 1.1609 0.04286 87 74 12 1
3850 I'm afraid that you're going to find this really invasive. 1.1609 0.04588 87 75 10 2
3851 On the up side, you're still a very popular adult beverage. 1.1609 0.03962 87 73 14 0
3852 Aging is but a social construct, my dear Claret. Nothing to worry about... 1.1609 0.04588 87 75 10 2
3853 I’m terribly sorry, but I’m afraid there’s only one thing left we can do… 1.1609 0.04286 87 74 12 1
3854 I'll give you another hint: A meat and cheese charcuterie I ordered should be here shortly. 1.1609 0.04588 87 75 10 2
3855 The procedure only lasts a few seconds, but you'll be drained afterward. 1.1609 0.04870 87 76 8 3
3856 Ahh,just like tax season, I am going to screw you and I need you to breathe. 1.1609 0.04588 87 75 10 2
3857 I guess your hospital bill isn't the only thing that'll screw you. 1.1605 0.04464 81 69 11 1
3858 And I say "screw you"! 1.1605 0.04797 81 70 9 2
3859 This might just be my most enjoyable lobotomy yet. 1.1605 0.04464 81 69 11 1
3860 You can pay your corkage fee with the receptionist once we're done. 1.1605 0.04797 81 70 9 2
3861 You're a Beaujolais nouveau! Any older and you'd just be spoiled! 1.1605 0.04464 81 69 11 1
3862 This won't hurt a bit,accually we'll start feeling better soon. 1.1605 0.04797 81 70 9 2
3863 The bad news is that you're suffering from a sedentary lifestyle. The good news is we have a cure. 1.1605 0.04797 81 70 9 2
3864 The operation was successful and we were able to keep the cork intact. Would you like to see what we removed? 1.1605 0.05109 81 71 7 3
3865 If it's not me, it's the insurance company that will screw you. 1.1605 0.04797 81 70 9 2
3866 ...and you'll finally be able to breathe. 1.1605 0.04797 81 70 9 2
3867 I think I may have figured out a way to relieve you of your financial obligations to this hospital. 1.1605 0.04797 81 70 9 2
3868 Don't worry. This isn't going to hurt one bit. 1.1605 0.04104 81 68 13 0
3869 No, leave the cork in. You're going to get screwed either way. 1.1605 0.04104 81 68 13 0
3870 Since it's a weekday, we'll have to wait till 5:00 o'clock to perform the procedure. 1.1605 0.05109 81 71 7 3
3871 It is my obligation to warn you that this procedure might very well screw you. 1.1605 0.05403 81 72 5 4
3872 This will just pinch a little! 1.1605 0.04464 81 69 11 1
3873 I assure you that in your condition breathing is terminal. 1.1605 0.04464 81 69 11 1
3874 You’re going to feel a slight pop, but trust me, it’s nothing compared to what I’ll be feeling tomorrow morning. 1.1605 0.05109 81 71 7 3
3875 Hey! I heard you got screwed. I think I have a solution for you 1.1605 0.04104 81 68 13 0
3876 It's not good to keep things bottled up all the time... 1.1605 0.04464 81 69 11 1
3877 No, Please don’t open me”! I’ve been here for over 10 years and no one has wanted me. You just want to screw me 1.1605 0.04797 81 70 9 2
3878 Alright, so you're gonna want to let this breathe 1.1600 0.05708 75 67 4 4
3879 Your insurance doesn't accept out of provider decanters despite your cork being compromised. 1.1600 0.05037 75 65 8 2
3880 I’d say the bottle in front of me needs a frontal lobotomy. 1.1600 0.05708 75 67 4 4
3881 You understand, of course, the bigger the bottle, the bigger the screw to open it!! 1.1600 0.05708 75 67 4 4
3882 Congratulations on officially aging to a 50 year vintage. We have a special treat for you. 1.1600 0.04665 75 64 10 1
3883 I’m excited to say I have exactly what’s needed to get to the bottom of this! 1.1600 0.04262 75 63 12 0
3884 What if I told you I can make all that pressure you're feeling go away for good? 1.1600 0.05037 75 65 8 2
3885 In your case alcohol may be answer. 1.1600 0.04665 75 64 10 1
3886 No it’s not a respirator but it’s something that will definitely help you breathe. 1.1600 0.04665 75 64 10 1
3887 It’s an old method, but the hangover will be over before you know it. 1.1600 0.04665 75 64 10 1
3888 You are going to feel a slight pinch 1.1600 0.04262 75 63 12 0
3889 You want to breathe, don't you? 1.1600 0.05383 75 66 6 3
3890 What makes you think you're gonna get screwed? 1.1600 0.04262 75 63 12 0
3891 The brain surgery is quick and painless, and will allow you to breathe. 1.1600 0.04665 75 64 10 1
3892 Relax,I’m Dr. Oenophile. 1.1600 0.05037 75 65 8 2
3893 Tough diagnosis kiddo. Anyway, have you considered draining with dignity? 1.1600 0.04262 75 63 12 0
3894 I assure you, I've done so many of these, I can do it with my eyes closed. 1.1600 0.04665 75 64 10 1
3895 No insurance? You are gonna get screwed. 1.1600 0.05037 75 65 8 2
3896 Fucking corker! 1.1600 0.04665 75 64 10 1
3897 We wouldn’t screw you out of anything in this practice. 1.1600 0.04665 75 64 10 1
3898 Now about all those bottled-up issues... 1.1600 0.04262 75 63 12 0
3899 Seriously, we will just relieve a little pressure and your headache will be gone forever. 1.1596 0.03797 94 79 15 0
3900 Just fermenting 1.1596 0.04358 94 81 11 2
3901 I have a new exam which will begin with a grand opening for you. 1.1594 0.04896 69 59 9 1
3902 True it's an invasive procedure, but otherwise we've drawn a Blanc. 1.1594 0.05700 69 61 5 3
3903 I sorry, but the biopsy is going to hurt somewhat. 1.1594 0.05313 69 60 7 2
3904 So, feeling a little plugged up, are we? 1.1594 0.04896 69 59 9 1
3905 Trust me, we'll both feel better once you start breathing. 1.1594 0.05313 69 60 7 2
3906 Don’t worry. You’ll just turn your head and cough. 1.1594 0.05313 69 60 7 2
3907 Well it's time for the toast to take place. Do you have any last requests before I open you up? 1.1594 0.05700 69 61 5 3
3908 (Say or Read with a "southern accent") Don't mean to be "pernod", but believe I'm about to get screwed! 1.1591 0.04539 88 76 10 2
3909 Considering your age, you have vibrant color, medium weight, a fine nose, full body, and nice legs. Now let's check out mouthfeel. 1.1591 0.04539 88 76 10 2
3910 I've always hated those rubber gloves 1.1591 0.03921 88 74 14 0
3911 Well, the good news is - you are not ‘too old before your time’. 1.1587 0.05163 63 54 8 1
3912 are you here for yearly corkoskopy 1.1587 0.05163 63 54 8 1
3913 Say "aaaah!" ... just kidding... 1.1585 0.04743 82 71 9 2
3914 Don't be nervous, this won't hurt a bit. 1.1585 0.04414 82 70 11 1
3915 I wouldn’t worry, it'll only improve with age. 1.1585 0.05050 82 72 7 3
3916 You’ve reached an age where you’re going to get screwed… I promise I’ll be gentle. 1.1585 0.04058 82 69 13 0
3917 Thus lobotomy will help you breathe better. 1.1585 0.04414 82 70 11 1
3918 Don't worry, you're in a hospital. Nobody's getting screwed. 1.1585 0.04743 82 71 9 2
3919 Great news, M. Chateauneuf! Your insurance company has waived the corkage fee for this procedure! 1.1585 0.04743 82 71 9 2
3920 You'll only feel a pinch. 1.1585 0.04414 82 70 11 1
3921 Stop your whining. It'll help you breathe if we take it out! 1.1585 0.04743 82 71 9 2
3922 Your temperature and color are good for your vintage. I will need to take a few samples to the dinner I'm hosting tonight, though. 1.1585 0.05340 82 73 5 4
3923 You’ll just feel some pressure 1.1585 0.04743 82 71 9 2
3924 Any dizziness or shortness of breath? 1.1584 0.03913 101 86 14 1
3925 Er, yes, I guess you could say it is like a CPAP machine. 1.1584 0.03651 101 85 16 0
3926 Your at the age for the sulfateostomy. 1.1579 0.04211 76 64 12 0
3927 Don't worry, you won't feel a thing. 1.1579 0.04975 76 66 8 2
3928 So, you say you're feeling pressure towards the top of your head. Let's take a look at it. 1.1579 0.04608 76 65 10 1
3929 Don't worry, it won't hurt a bit. 1.1579 0.04211 76 64 12 0
3930 Im going to have to uncork you. 1.1579 0.04211 76 64 12 0
3931 Ok, now don't let me take your cork out. 1.1579 0.04608 76 65 10 1
3932 Well, you're a full-bodied wine, aren't you? 1.1579 0.04608 76 65 10 1
3933 I rarely open a port. 1.1579 0.04211 76 64 12 0
3934 It's kind of like the show "Severance" and kind of not--but you'll breathe like you've never breathed before. 1.1579 0.04608 76 65 10 1
3935 Chill, I use a saber for my champagne patients. 1.1579 0.04608 76 65 10 1
3936 We're going to get to know each other really, REALLY well. 1.1579 0.04608 76 65 10 1
3937 That's some nose you have on you. 1.1579 0.04608 76 65 10 1
3938 Are you pretending that surgical weapon is not meant for me, doc? 1.1579 0.04608 76 65 10 1
3939 The good news is, it only hurts when you laugh. 1.1579 0.04608 76 65 10 1
3940 You think you have something to whine about? Just wait. 1.1579 0.04608 76 65 10 1
3941 You seem to be having trouble breathing. I think I can help 1.1579 0.04608 76 65 10 1
3942 I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy 1.1573 0.04197 89 76 12 1
3943 Just roll over, I promise it won't hurt. 1.1573 0.04197 89 76 12 1
3944 ‘Trust me. I shall do no harm’ 1.1573 0.03881 89 75 14 0
3945 Suffice it to say that — given your age —it’s time for us to get to the bottom of this. 1.1573 0.04767 89 78 8 3
3946 Yes a Coravin would be a less invasive way to do this, but unfortunately your insurance doesn’t cover it. 1.1573 0.04767 89 78 8 3
3947 Getting to knowwwww youuu, getting to know all about youuuuu. 1.1571 0.04381 70 59 11 0
3948 Not to worry, it’s absolutely spine tingling! 1.1571 0.04381 70 59 11 0
3949 Oh, I'll be delighted. 1.1571 0.05242 70 61 7 2
3950 In or out, you're screwed regardless. 1.1571 0.04831 70 60 9 1
3951 But this will allow you to breathe. 1.1571 0.05242 70 61 7 2
3952 Oh Syrah, now stop 'wining' so much and let me sip you up! 1.1566 0.04364 83 71 11 1
3953 There will be a slight piercing sensation and a moderate corkage fee 1.1566 0.04364 83 71 11 1
3954 I don't want to frighten you, but I have just the trick for relieving the stuffiness in your head. 1.1566 0.04364 83 71 11 1
3955 I have bad news and good news. 1.1566 0.04364 83 71 11 1
3956 We were all wondering what your opinion on vinegar is? 1.1566 0.04364 83 71 11 1
3957 Don’t worry. We only need to increase your white blood cells. 1.1566 0.04364 83 71 11 1
3958 You think you got screwed by my bill, wait till you see what I have in store for you next 1.1566 0.04364 83 71 11 1
3959 Screw the fruity, oaky, body crap, let's see if I can chug-a-lug you in less than a minute. 1.1562 0.05984 64 57 4 3
3960 It's a cork-popping diagnosis with a hint of vinegar. 1.1562 0.04523 96 84 9 3
3961 I’m not worried. This will hurt you more than it will hurt me. 1.1562 0.05088 64 55 8 1
3962 Not me; surgeons need to have steady hands. 1.1562 0.05088 64 55 8 1
3963 We're just going to do a little quick extraction from that orifice. 1.1562 0.05088 64 55 8 1
3964 Don't be afraid colonoscopies are easy peasy. 1.1562 0.05088 64 55 8 1
3965 Don't worry! I'm just taking a small sample. 1.1562 0.05088 64 55 8 1
3966 Yes sir, I think we can do this procedure right her in the office without anesthesia. 1.1562 0.04274 96 83 11 2
3967 Quit whining and bend over. 1.1558 0.04161 77 65 12 0
3968 I have just the thing to make us both happy. 1.1558 0.04553 77 66 10 1
3969 The bad news for you is that the cow in surgery didn't make it 1.1558 0.05250 77 68 6 3
3970 Think of it this way. You're getting screwed for a higher purpose. 1.1558 0.04553 77 66 10 1
3971 Lean forward . . . and drop your chin. 1.1558 0.04161 77 65 12 0
3972 It's nothing serious -- you're just a bit corked. 1.1558 0.04553 77 66 10 1
3973 Don’t worry I’m not like the other sommelier’s 1.1558 0.04161 77 65 12 0
3974 Nothing to worry about_I’m here to check your teeth. 1.1558 0.04161 77 65 12 0
3975 Time to uncork! 1.1558 0.04161 77 65 12 0
3976 Your results came back,fruity and full body with a clean finish. 1.1558 0.04553 77 66 10 1
3977 The sommelier will see you now. 1.1558 0.04161 77 65 12 0
3978 Don't worry, just a normal vintage procedure" 1.1558 0.04553 77 66 10 1
3979 Would you ever consider augmenting to screw top? 1.1558 0.04161 77 65 12 0
3980 … bend over and breath evenly. Believe me, you will taste so much better - I’m so sorry, did I say taste? 1.1558 0.04553 77 66 10 1
3981 You've got one of those new plastic corks. You won't feel a thing. 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
3982 Yes, I can pop that boil for you. 1.1556 0.04154 90 77 12 1
3983 This is when your alcohol percentage comes in handy. 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
3984 Ready to spill your guts? 1.1556 0.04154 90 77 12 1
3985 Of course I'm happy! You are going to die! 1.1556 0.04154 90 77 12 1
3986 Just cut down on yourself. 1.1549 0.04325 71 60 11 0
3987 Oh, do I have something behind my back? 1.1549 0.04325 71 60 11 0
3988 Great news -- you're going to be a father to a petite sirah! 1.1549 0.04325 71 60 11 0
3989 Your HMO only provides basic coverage for sour grapes. Not to worry, it's a simple procedure! 1.1549 0.05548 71 63 5 3
3990 After I'm done, give it about an hour and then you should be breathing perfectly. 1.1549 0.04767 71 61 9 1
3991 I assure you, I am not unscrewpullus. 1.1549 0.05172 71 62 7 2
3992 Face lift? Oh yes, we just remove your cork, inject carbon dioxide, put in a crown cap and voilà -- you're champagne! 1.1549 0.05548 71 63 5 3
3993 Trust me, I'm experienced. 1.1549 0.04325 71 60 11 0
3994 Aha! A wine with a funny nose? I'll go to the bottom of it 1.1549 0.04767 71 61 9 1
3995 Insurance typically doesn’t cover the anesthesia option. 1.1549 0.04325 71 60 11 0
3996 It's as painless as pulling a cork from a bottle. 1.1549 0.05172 71 62 7 2
3997 No worries, I'm using the newest endoscope. 1.1549 0.05172 71 62 7 2
3998 You’re a bottle in front of me getting a bottle lobotomy. That’s funny, right? Right? 1.1549 0.05548 71 63 5 3
3999 I got something that'll screw with your head and it ain't the hospital bill! 1.1549 0.04767 71 61 9 1
4000 I just heard that Jacob Chanley was released from prison based on prosecutorial misconduct. Let’s celebrate! 1.1549 0.04767 71 61 9 1
4001 The good news is, we don't do it digitally anymore... 1.1548 0.04637 84 73 9 2
4002 I'd much rather a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy. 1.1548 0.03970 84 71 13 0
4003 Yes, a corkectomy is necessary for me...er...you to feel better. 1.1548 0.04316 84 72 11 1
4004 Im screwed aren't I. 1.1548 0.04637 84 73 9 2
4005 I’ve had a long day in the psychiatry office. Now, it’s my turn to be the patient. 1.1548 0.04637 84 73 9 2
4006 I'm afraid we'll need to collect a specimen that's elegant and lush on the entry yet full-bodied and powerful on the finish. For the lab, that is. 1.1548 0.04316 84 72 11 1
4007 We can't remove the centipede from your bottom until we empty you. 1.1548 0.04316 84 72 11 1
4008 Well Enzo you are of a certain vintage. 1.1548 0.04637 84 73 9 2
4009 Hey doc,I thought you said I didn’t need an OPENdectomy! 1.1548 0.04637 84 73 9 2
4010 Trust me - you're not gonna get screwed 1.1548 0.04316 84 72 11 1
4011 I’d rather have a bottle in front of me than give you a frontal lobotomy. 1.1548 0.04637 84 73 9 2
4012 Just close your eyes and count to ten. 1.1548 0.03970 84 71 13 0
4013 Don’t worry—it’s only minimally invasive! 1.1546 0.04232 97 84 11 2
4014 Just a tiny sample - enough for a toast... 1.1538 0.04112 78 66 12 0
4015 Don’t worry. You’re fine. 1.1538 0.04855 78 68 8 2
4016 Just relax. Your Metallophobia will be cured as soon as we uncork you. 1.1538 0.04112 78 66 12 0
4017 The annual proctologists' meeting is waiting. 1.1538 0.04498 78 67 10 1
4018 Might we offer you a nice anesthetic before our procedure? 1.1538 0.03803 91 77 14 0
4019 Congratulations! You have reached an age that your essence can be shared with humanity. 1.1538 0.04112 91 78 12 1
4020 Don't worry! I won't screw up. 1.1538 0.03803 91 77 14 0
4021 The bad news - it's a vinous embolism. The good news - there's a quick and easy treatment for it. 1.1538 0.04112 78 66 12 0
4022 Come no, no whining. 1.1538 0.04510 65 55 10 0
4023 Oh don't wine this wont hurt at all 1.1538 0.03803 91 77 14 0
4024 Where are you Kool Aid Man? 1.1538 0.05473 65 57 6 2
4025 Don't worry, I'm not a proctologist. I've done this procedure before. just breathe. 1.1538 0.05015 65 56 8 1
4026 At your vintage you definately need a prostrate exam 1.1538 0.04498 78 67 10 1
4027 If you'd prefer something less invasive, just a few pages back from here I read about a new gizmo called The Rabbit. It's the future of this sort of procedure — and it has been for about 20 years. 1.1538 0.05186 78 69 6 3
4028 You’ve got a loose cork. You may have become a Republican. 1.1538 0.05186 78 69 6 3
4029 Just try to relax; some of my patients like using a decanter during the exam to help them breathe. 1.1538 0.04399 91 79 10 2
4030 Good news: you have fully recovered! Now it is time to celebrate!! 1.1538 0.04498 78 67 10 1
4031 I hate punctuality! 1.1538 0.04855 78 68 8 2
4032 You’re going to feel a light “pop”, but after that it should be fine. 1.1538 0.04399 91 79 10 2
4033 Thanks for the great news doc, but I don’t feel like celebrating! 1.1538 0.04112 78 66 12 0
4034 I’ll need you to lie down and close your eyes please. 1.1538 0.04855 78 68 8 2
4035 Please Doc, I need to be Uncorked! I can’t, your still not old enough. 1.1538 0.04855 78 68 8 2
4036 Let’s celebrate! Your colonoscopy came back negative! 1.1538 0.04112 78 66 12 0
4037 Your pressure seems to be high. However, I am pleased to tell you that I can fix that with minor surgery. And we can do that today! 1.1538 0.04855 78 68 8 2
4038 Bend forward and cough. 1.1538 0.04855 78 68 8 2
4039 I’ll try to make this as painless and fast as possible. 1.1538 0.04498 78 67 10 1
4040 If you’ll work with me, I have a weight loss program that will definitely keep the weight off! 1.1538 0.04112 78 66 12 0
4041 Hi,I'm your corkologist and we are going to clean you out. 1.1531 0.03933 98 84 13 1
4042 It may be exciting but you're not doing a prostate exam on me with that thing. 1.1529 0.04585 85 74 9 2
4043 This won't hurt a bit. Oh that, don't mind that. 1.1529 0.05160 85 76 5 4
4044 Under your particular circumstances, I think the more labs we take, the better. 1.1529 0.04585 85 74 9 2
4045 On the bad side this will empty you out. On the good side this will fill me up! 1.1529 0.04881 85 75 7 3
4046 A frontal lobotomy for the bottle in front of me. 1.1529 0.05160 85 76 5 4
4047 Ms. Vin, I assure you that a simple aspiration biopsy will relieve you of that bloated feeling." 1.1529 0.04269 85 73 11 1
4048 I need to get away from myself for a while 1.1529 0.04585 85 74 9 2
4049 well your treatment has encountered a little twist 1.1528 0.05104 72 63 7 2
4050 I warned you that decades of alcoholism would change your body. 1.1528 0.04706 72 62 9 1
4051 What humorously large corkscrew? 1.1528 0.04706 72 62 9 1
4052 No worries, we'll have you unplugged and pouring in no time. 1.1528 0.04270 72 61 11 0
4053 I promise - it won't hurt a drop! 1.1528 0.04706 72 62 9 1
4054 You might feel a tiny little pinch. 1.1528 0.04706 72 62 9 1
4055 Not to worry. I have successfully re-inserted the cork almost every time. 1.1528 0.04706 72 62 9 1
4056 I promise, one day you'll laugh about it. But not today ... 1.1528 0.05104 72 63 7 2
4057 Yes, I do have a response for you from the insurance company... 1.1528 0.04706 72 62 9 1
4058 After I sniff you and sip, you I should be able to diagnose your symptoms. There's really not much more to it than that. 1.1528 0.05104 72 63 7 2
4059 It’s a routine procedure that provides immediate relief. There’s really nothing to worry about. 1.1528 0.04706 72 62 9 1
4060 In cases like yours, I recommend immediate corkectomy. 1.1528 0.05104 72 63 7 2
4061 It's easy. You don't have to empty yourself first. 1.1525 0.05304 59 51 7 1
4062 I promise. It won't hurt. 1.1522 0.04070 92 79 12 1
4063 Dont worry, it will hurt me more than it hurts you - I'm an alcoholic. 1.1522 0.03765 92 78 14 0
4064 This won't hurt a bit, I promise! 1.1522 0.04354 92 80 10 2
4065 New wine in old bottles? That's just an old vine's tale. 1.1522 0.04070 92 79 12 1
4066 David Remnick, I can smell your cunt. Isn't it a little old for you?" --Dijon Krime 1.1519 0.05124 79 70 6 3
4067 It's more like letting it breathe 1.1519 0.04797 79 69 8 2
4068 The good news is you'll be allowed to breathe. 1.1519 0.04064 79 67 12 0
4069 This may sting a bit. 1.1519 0.04445 79 68 10 1
4070 Screwed? Well that's a rather harsh way to put it. Dan Blumstein, Los Angeles, CA 1.1519 0.04797 79 69 8 2
4071 Hello, I'm Dr. Paul Masson. Thank you for waiting. It's your time. 1.1519 0.04064 79 67 12 0
4072 Nothing to worry, just open a big mouth for me 1.1519 0.04797 79 69 8 2
4073 With all my vin rouge patients, I always do some "blood work". 1.1519 0.04797 79 69 8 2
4074 Guess what? There’s nothing wrong with you. However, I have good news and bad news. 1.1519 0.04797 79 69 8 2
4075 This shot may hurt a bit, but at least one of us will feel good for hours. 1.1519 0.04797 79 69 8 2
4076 Oh, I wouldn't worry. Studies have shown your type usually gets better just sitting in the dark for a few years. 1.1519 0.04445 79 68 10 1
4077 Don't worry. This is going to hurt you more than me. 1.1519 0.04064 79 67 12 0
4078 No problem. I can help you breathe. 1.1519 0.04064 79 67 12 0
4079 Yes, I de-can. 1.1519 0.04445 79 68 10 1
4080 Well, if the laxatives don't work... 1.1519 0.04797 79 69 8 2
4081 You know, I’d rather have a bottle in front of me… 1.1519 0.04445 79 68 10 1
4082 Oh, don't worry, what you have isn't that serious. I just need to get a test sample for the lab. 1.1519 0.04797 79 69 8 2
4083 Keeping it all bottled up is as unhealthy for all those who are close to you as it is for you personally, you must remember. I would strongly recommend sharing the burden - and that, you will be happy to hear - is how I can help you today. 1.1519 0.04445 79 68 10 1
4084 You want to make mommy and daddy happy, don't you 1.1515 0.04944 66 57 8 1
4085 Draining is a common procedure. And believe me, it will make us both feel a lot better. 1.1515 0.04944 66 57 8 1
4086 hello, you're about to get screwed 1.1515 0.04944 66 57 8 1
4087 I gave at the office party. 1.1515 0.04447 66 56 10 0
4088 I promise you’ll be able to breathe a lot better. 1.1515 0.04447 66 56 10 0
4089 I got good news and bad news. The bad news is your vintage is up. The good news is I happen to have a cork screw. 1.1515 0.05811 66 59 4 3
4090 But(t) I promise instant releif! 1.1515 0.04447 66 56 10 0
4091 Now, now, Don't worry. A small prick will let you breathe better. 1.1515 0.04944 66 57 8 1
4092 You’re going to feel just a slight pinch, then a small pop. 1.1515 0.05395 66 58 6 2
4093 I shall release the evil spirit inside of you, and you will feel lighter. 1.1515 0.04944 66 57 8 1
4094 'Minimally invasive? No, but by the third glass you won't feel a thing.' 1.1515 0.04393 99 87 9 3
4095 Is it... the C-word? 1.1515 0.05395 66 58 6 2
4096 Do you feel like going for a spin? 1.1512 0.03885 86 73 13 0
4097 Plugged up again? 1.1512 0.04535 86 75 9 2
4098 You'll know it all over when you hear a 'pop'. 1.1512 0.04223 86 74 11 1
4099 Actually, it's a simple procedure; you'll be home in time for dinner. 1.1512 0.05103 86 77 5 4
4100 Ready for your colonoscopy? 1.1512 0.04827 86 76 7 3
4101 Don't worry, i will only screw you up. 1.1512 0.04535 86 75 9 2
4102 We just need to release a little pressure 1.1509 0.03742 106 91 14 1
4103 No needles to be concerned about today. 1.1507 0.04645 73 63 9 1
4104 Test 1.1507 0.04645 73 63 9 1
4105 Relax -- This procedure is standard for someone your age. 1.1507 0.04216 73 62 11 0
4106 Better with age....they sold me a line and I bought it.... I'm screwed. 1.1507 0.05403 73 65 5 3
4107 I know you are feeling stopped up. I have just the thing to remedy that. 1.1507 0.04645 73 63 9 1
4108 A votre sante! 1.1507 0.04645 73 63 9 1
4109 After the procedure we'll both feel much lighter. 1.1507 0.04216 73 62 11 0
4110 Doc, What do you mean when you say, "You're reminding me of Donald Trump?" 1.1507 0.05038 73 64 7 2
4111 Yes, a little poke but then then all your pressure will be over! 1.1507 0.05038 73 64 7 2
4112 Bend over, this will only hurt a little. 1.1507 0.04645 73 63 9 1
4113 I’ll need your explicit consent 1.1507 0.05038 73 64 7 2
4114 How many drinks, on average, do you pour a week? 1.1507 0.04645 73 63 9 1
4115 You know, Rosemary Kennedy had one of these. Nothin to be a afraid of. 1.1507 0.05038 73 64 7 2
4116 I’ll test your blood as soon as my steak is done. 1.1505 0.04310 93 81 10 2
4117 You’ll just feel a little discomfort. 1.1505 0.04310 93 81 10 2
4118 The good news is- is we dont need stirrups 1.1505 0.04310 93 81 10 2
4119 ...a little something to help you breathe? 1.1500 0.04394 80 69 10 1
4120 Would you prefer Vaseline, or a dry insertion? 1.1500 0.04017 80 68 12 0
4121 Do not worry! At your age, this is the smart thing to do. 1.1500 0.04017 80 68 12 0
4122 As you know this is an elective procedure. We expect the waiter to return with the results shortly. 1.1500 0.04017 80 68 12 0
4123 Hi, I'm Dr. Sommelier and I believe that no wine should be drunk before it's time. It's time. 1.1500 0.04740 80 70 8 2
4124 Hi. I'm your gastroenterologist. I'm here to uncork the mystery of why you are experiencing gas pains. 1.1500 0.04394 80 69 10 1
4125 Wait…exactly how many of these have you done before? 1.1500 0.04017 80 68 12 0
4126 It’s good to be open minded 1.1500 0.04394 80 69 10 1
4127 It’s a simple procedure, you won’t feel anything, and when you wake up, we will toast to your continued good health. 1.1500 0.05063 80 71 6 3
4128 I think there are some things I should keep bottled up. 1.1500 0.04394 80 69 10 1
4129 Yes, I know you're screw top. 1.1500 0.04394 80 69 10 1
4130 Corks are for quitters. Are you a quitter Mr. Vine-Fruit? 1.1500 0.04649 60 51 9 0
4131 I have some excellent news: depite your advanced age, you're robust, hearty, and in perfect condition. I suggest that we celebrate these good tidings. 1.1500 0.04740 80 70 8 2
4132 YOU ARE NOT HUMAN, AND HAVE NO RIGHTS IN LAW. I AM GOING TO KILL YOU AND FEEL NOTHING. 1.1500 0.04740 80 70 8 2
4133 Unfortunately, ma’am, we don’t provide painkillers to women for such minor procedures. 1.1500 0.04740 80 70 8 2
4134 I suggest you close your eyes, think of your home vineyard, the year you were bottled and of course ........breathe slowly after the decorking procedure 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
4135 A brief discomfort then an audible pop, and it's all over. 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
4136 This won’t hurt, I promise !! 1.1494 0.04775 87 77 7 3
4137 You may feel the urge to pee, but it should not hurt. 1.1494 0.03844 87 74 13 0
4138 I'm about to drill down to the source of your troubles. 1.1494 0.04178 87 75 11 1
4139 Two bros. One said we want that one and pointed at the price. Your vintage was not discussed. Oh, and they’re having steak. 1.1494 0.04178 87 75 11 1
4140 keeping my feelings bottled up is causing me grape depression. 1.1494 0.04178 87 75 11 1
4141 Good news! I believe I can relieve the pressure your under. 1.1493 0.04386 67 57 10 0
4142 But you’ll see results much faster than on Ozempic! 1.1493 0.04875 67 58 8 1
4143 I feel stuffed. 1.1493 0.04875 67 58 8 1
4144 Don't worry, I practiced this procedure during lunch. 1.1493 0.04386 67 57 10 0
4145 YES, AS A CABERNET YOU DO HAVE THE OPTION OF A 10 TO 20 YEAR DEFERRAL. 1.1493 0.05318 67 59 6 2
4146 Today’s treatment will definitely open up your closed pours. 1.1493 0.04875 67 58 8 1
4147 ‘Someone’s about to get screwed’ 1.1493 0.04875 67 58 8 1
4148 You've got a lot pent up inside you. 1.1493 0.04386 67 57 10 0
4149 It's similar to a lobotomy, but we use something much more sophisticated than an ice pick. 1.1493 0.05318 67 59 6 2
4150 I'm gunna crack your head open and drink your blood 1.1493 0.04386 67 57 10 0
4151 I can relieve that full feeling. 1.1486 0.04587 74 64 9 1
4152 This will only hurt for a little while. 1.1486 0.04587 74 64 9 1
4153 You're aging just fine, but let's run some bloodwork. 1.1486 0.04587 74 64 9 1
4154 The laxatives didn't work, so I'm going to have to go in and do this manually. 1.1486 0.04164 74 63 11 0
4155 I can assure you, what I'm going to do is a perfectly normal procedure at your age. 1.1486 0.04164 74 63 11 0
4156 The Turning of the Screw 1.1486 0.05333 74 66 5 3
4157 You’ve heard of breaking an egg to make an omelet? 1.1486 0.04974 74 65 7 2
4158 Don't worry. You'll only hear a little "ploop" 1.1486 0.04587 74 64 9 1
4159 This might be a good time to look away. 1.1486 0.04587 74 64 9 1
4160 Yes, now that you're over 45, it's time... 1.1486 0.04974 74 65 7 2
4161 Don't worry, once you have this procedure, your flow will be back to normal. 1.1486 0.04587 74 64 9 1
4162 Don’t worry, I’m not going to screw you around 1.1486 0.04164 74 63 11 0
4163 My time is not up! I get better with time... 1.1485 0.04311 101 89 9 3
4164 Our sommelier says we should do this now. 1.1485 0.03556 101 86 15 0
4165 At 12 percent you shouldn't feel a thing. 1.1481 0.04685 81 71 8 2
4166 Are you by any chance familiar with the procedure trepanation? 1.1481 0.04343 81 70 10 1
4167 Don't worry, I have something that will help you breath. 1.1481 0.03972 81 69 12 0
4168 I understand the decanting process is very intimate, so to even things out I’ll be nude” 1.1481 0.04685 81 71 8 2
4169 this wine is very fruit forwar 1.1481 0.04685 81 71 8 2
4170 Yes, I'll respect you in the morning . . . 1.1481 0.03972 81 69 12 0
4171 This screwing won't be nearly as painful as the one you'll get when I send you the bill. 1.1481 0.04343 81 70 10 1
4172 Bend over. Time to check your sulfites. 1.1481 0.04343 81 70 10 1
4173 Just lie down and relax; you're actually going to really enjoy this. 1.1481 0.04685 81 71 8 2
4174 I heard it through the grapevine that you're not too keen on port tongs. Luckily there are other procedures that are just as effective. 1.1481 0.04343 81 70 10 1
4175 You're ready. You've outlived your peers. 1.1477 0.04438 88 77 9 2
4176 Don't worry! I've done hundreds of cork-ectomies! You'll be fine.... 1.1477 0.04438 88 77 9 2
4177 We're going to need to put a port in before your surgery. 1.1477 0.04133 88 76 11 1
4178 I’m afraid to say that now that you’re sober, you’re actually quite tasteless 1.1477 0.04133 88 76 11 1
4179 Congratulations, You've aged well and have reached your tasty peak! 1.1475 0.05141 61 53 7 1
4180 It’s very minor but may leave you feeling empty inside for a short while. Go home, relax, enjoy a nice glass of beer and you’ll be fine in the morning. 1.1475 0.04578 61 52 9 0
4181 There's really only one way to determine if you truly have bottle shock. 1.1471 0.04807 68 59 8 1
4182 Why would you think that I have a giant corkscrew behind my back? 1.1471 0.04807 68 59 8 1
4183 We definitely have to release the pressure that has built up on your sulfites. Very simple procedure. 1.1471 0.04807 68 59 8 1
4184 I'll bet I can't say anything you haven't heard before here... 1.1471 0.04807 68 59 8 1
4185 You're going to feel a sliiight pressure... 1.1471 0.05647 68 61 4 3
4186 We did the EKG, and the MRI. Today we’re running a new test to check your bouquet. 1.1471 0.04807 68 59 8 1
4187 Now, new, you'll only feel a slight prick 1.1471 0.04807 68 59 8 1
4188 Good news! I have a quick fix for your congestion. 1.1471 0.04038 102 89 11 2
4189 Turn your cork and cough! 1.1471 0.04327 68 58 10 0
4190 NOW FOR A LITTLE BREATH OF FRESH AIR 1.1471 0.04807 68 59 8 1
4191 The good news is that it isn’t going in your butt! 1.1471 0.04807 68 59 8 1
4192 You know, oenologist does sound a lot like proctologist, doesn’t it?!! 1.1471 0.04807 68 59 8 1
4193 This should only hurt a little 1.1471 0.04807 68 59 8 1
4194 I have just the remedy for you, after being cooped up in that cellar." 1.1471 0.04807 68 59 8 1
4195 It's a simple procedure without any shots! 1.1471 0.04327 68 58 10 0
4196 Well your lab work came back, and all your levels are excellent. You are aged to perfection. 1.1471 0.04327 68 58 10 0
4197 Don’t worry, I’ve removed thousands of corks over time. It’s a quick and painless procedure 1.1471 0.04327 68 58 10 0
4198 I think you're filled with spiders. 1.1467 0.04530 75 65 9 1
4199 Don't worry, I will grease it up so it is less painful. 1.1467 0.04911 75 66 7 2
4200 As luck would have it, there *is* an alternative to surgery. 1.1467 0.04113 75 64 11 0
4201 I'd like to introduce you to your potential mate 1.1467 0.04530 75 65 9 1
4202 The good news is that you'll be able to breathe, the bad news is that you're about to get screwed. 1.1467 0.04113 75 64 11 0
4203 Everyone says you need to try it once. 1.1467 0.04113 75 64 11 0
4204 Perhaps I can investigate as to why you are feeling sour" 1.1467 0.04113 75 64 11 0
4205 This won't hurt a bit, just a little prick. 1.1467 0.04113 75 64 11 0
4206 As your doctor, I know you won't feel you've been screwed till you get my bill! 1.1467 0.04530 75 65 9 1
4207 It may be controversial, but I believe "blood letting" is just the solution to both of our problems. 1.1467 0.04530 75 65 9 1
4208 Well, it's not like I can offer you a glass of wine to take the edge off your anxiety. 1.1463 0.04293 82 71 10 1
4209 As your doctor I advise you to stay away from the cheap muskatel. 1.1463 0.04631 82 72 8 2
4210 Stop bad mouthing me! 1.1463 0.04293 82 71 10 1
4211 I am not a dunk! I never drink alone! 1.1463 0.04293 82 71 10 1
4212 You will only feel a slight pinch…an odd screw, a pop & then you may feel drained. 1.1463 0.04945 82 73 6 3
4213 Congratulations, you have reached peak drinkability. 1.1463 0.04631 82 72 8 2
4214 this is going to hurt you more than it hurts me. 1.1463 0.04293 82 71 10 1
4215 Last we must check if you're corked, it's a painless process. 1.1463 0.04293 82 71 10 1
4216 Now, you just relax and I'll have those sinuses slicker than a whistle before you know it. 1.1463 0.04631 82 72 8 2
4217 I hear you haven't paid your last bill yet! 1.1463 0.03927 82 70 12 0
4218 Alternatively, you can testify about what else is being stored in the Mar-a-Lago wine cellar. 1.1461 0.04673 89 79 7 3
4219 Just a little pinch and a tug and we’ll drain that right out. 1.1461 0.04391 89 78 9 2
4220 An X-ray won’t give all the necessary details 1.1461 0.04090 89 77 11 1
4221 What I hav3 in mind should help you breathe. 1.1458 0.03621 96 82 14 0
4222 Dryness aside, what would really take care of your worries is a good screw. 1.1452 0.05560 62 55 5 2
4223 I am glad to inform you that your first prevention check is on the house, Mr. Mouton-Rothschild! 1.1452 0.05063 62 54 7 1
4224 Don't worry, I've got something to help you open up a bit more! 1.1452 0.05063 62 54 7 1
4225 Let’s see if we can’t take care of that whining after all. 1.1452 0.05063 62 54 7 1
4226 Believe me, I will not screw you up, like your ex ption 1.1452 0.04510 62 53 9 0
4227 Can I at least get a lollipop after? 1.1449 0.04742 69 60 8 1
4228 Something screwy going on?? Whatever do you mean??? 1.1449 0.04742 69 60 8 1
4229 At seventy you're just exquisite. 1.1449 0.04269 69 59 10 0
4230 We certainly want to make sure you can breathe. 1.1449 0.04742 69 60 8 1
4231 I'd wait a couple years to soften tannins. 1.1449 0.04269 69 59 10 0
4232 You might feel a small pinch. 1.1449 0.04742 69 60 8 1
4233 it's just breathing...but different. 1.1449 0.05172 69 61 6 2
4234 You'll give me half the tip if I let you breathe? 1.1449 0.05172 69 61 6 2
4235 I think we need to release these feelings you have all bottled up inside you. 1.1449 0.04742 69 60 8 1
4236 I promise, it will relieve all the pressure you're having 1.1449 0.04269 69 59 10 0
4237 „I’m afraid the diagnosis is clear: bottleneck.“ 1.1449 0.04269 69 59 10 0
4238 I promise it won't hurt your neck 1.1447 0.04063 76 65 11 0
4239 Bottleoscopy. It's a simple procedure. 1.1447 0.04474 76 66 9 1
4240 You're at just the right age for a routine check-up. 1.1447 0.04474 76 66 9 1
4241 What do you see behind me? 1.1447 0.04850 76 67 7 2
4242 This won't hurt at all. 1.1447 0.04063 76 65 11 0
4243 That's right, one shot and you're done; no need for the dispensary. 1.1447 0.04063 76 65 11 0
4244 Yes, it could just be a bad vintage, but until we open you up and decant, there's no way to be sure. 1.1447 0.04850 76 67 7 2
4245 Are you ready for your proctology exam? 1.1447 0.04474 76 66 9 1
4246 A certain procedure is recommended for a fine wine over 50, like you. 1.1447 0.04474 76 66 9 1
4247 There’s been a new twist in modern medicine to treat your condition. 1.1447 0.04063 76 65 11 0
4248 Will it help constipation? 1.1447 0.04474 76 66 9 1
4249 Maybe you weren't aware that I'm a brain surgeon. 1.1447 0.05199 76 68 5 3
4250 I love working with folks who bring their own anesthesia! 1.1447 0.04474 76 66 9 1
4251 Everyone will feel better once you are drained. 1.1447 0.04474 76 66 9 1
4252 Don’t worry- I’ve done this a million times… you won’t feel a thing. Just close your eyes and when you hear a ‘pop’ it’ll be over. 1.1447 0.04063 76 65 11 0
4253 Good news! I can make you lighter with a simple procedure. 1.1446 0.04578 83 73 8 2
4254 You're corked if you do, and corked if you don't. 1.1446 0.04245 83 72 10 1
4255 'I'm afraid you're right. I'm gonna screw you around now'. 1.1446 0.04245 83 72 10 1
4256 Your constipation will soon be history. 1.1446 0.04245 83 72 10 1
4257 There’s a procedure I can do that will end that stopped up feeling… 1.1446 0.04245 83 72 10 1
4258 Oh do you wanted some air do you… 1.1446 0.03884 83 71 12 0
4259 I'm not here to screw you over 1.1446 0.04245 83 72 10 1
4260 I have not aged to the point of a colonoscopy 1.1446 0.04578 83 73 8 2
4261 So you're a virgin. 1.1444 0.04345 90 79 9 2
4262 Don't worry. It's not brain surgery." Ray Sader, Briarcliff Manor, N 1.1442 0.04193 104 92 9 3
4263 You pair well with everything we serve, at the same time. 1.1429 0.04527 84 74 8 2
4264 This will hurt me more than it will hurt you. 1.1429 0.04198 84 73 10 1
4265 The treatment won't be too invasive, but you'll feel a little lightheaded. 1.1429 0.04678 70 61 8 1
4266 And, you will breathe like you wouldn't believe! 1.1429 0.04419 77 67 9 1
4267 Doc, I hate it when you smile like that. I'm in for a screwing, aren't I? 1.1429 0.04419 77 67 9 1
4268 You're about to get lucky! 1.1429 0.04678 70 61 8 1
4269 Just Breathe.... 1.1429 0.04213 70 60 10 0
4270 When your friends talk about how they've been screwed by our profession, you'll have a great story. 1.1429 0.04987 63 55 7 1
4271 Don't worry. By nature, you're already heavily sedated. 1.1429 0.04419 77 67 9 1
4272 This may hurt just a little. 1.1429 0.04987 63 55 7 1
4273 Don't be alarmed, this is a common screening for someone who as aged as nicely as you have, I mean, at your age. 1.1429 0.05102 70 62 6 2
4274 The good news is you don't have to cough for me. 1.1429 0.04678 70 61 8 1
4275 I completely understand, I also disdain colonoscopy. 1.1429 0.04575 91 81 7 3
4276 I am really tired of you screwing around with me. 1.1429 0.04678 70 61 8 1
4277 We need to take a few tastes, er, tests. 1.1429 0.04213 70 60 10 0
4278 Since the prune juice didn't work............. 1.1429 0.04213 70 60 10 0
4279 Wanna screw? 1.1429 0.04575 91 81 7 3
4280 Now this next procedure will really help you breathe." 1.1429 0.04014 77 66 11 0
4281 Considering these trying times, I thought it would broaden your experience if you felt what is like to be screwed. 1.1429 0.04790 77 68 7 2
4282 Relax, I have a degree in proctoenology. 1.1429 0.04444 63 54 9 0
4283 Unlike my human patients, you should get better with age. Now let's put that to the test! 1.1429 0.05102 70 62 6 2
4284 I know you're nervous, but let's face facts: you're a Domaine de la Romanee-Conti 1990, and frankly, it's now or never. 1.1429 0.05102 70 62 6 2
4285 Guaranteed this will blow your mind. 1.1429 0.04419 77 67 9 1
4286 You're not about to be screwed 1.1429 0.04678 70 61 8 1
4287 No, no, just a minor procedure. You won't feel a thing. 1.1429 0.04444 63 54 9 0
4288 To a cork everything is a corkscrew? My, aren't you the paranoid one. 1.1429 0.04678 70 61 8 1
4289 The good news is that you appear to be aging rather well. But I'd better withdraw just a small amount of fluid to check that ...! 1.1429 0.05925 63 57 3 3
4290 No, you don't have a twist off cap. 1.1429 0.04419 77 67 9 1
4291 It’s a helically shaped, small diameter, pointed wire, formed as an inclined plane with a handle and intended to facilitate fluid access. Why do you ask? 1.1429 0.04790 77 68 7 2
4292 We’ve got a little office procedure that will relieve that pressure for you right away. 1.1429 0.04678 70 61 8 1
4293 The good news is there's a way you can pay your bill. The bad news is you're screwed. 1.1429 0.05135 77 69 5 3
4294 This is gonna hurt me more than it hurts you. 1.1429 0.04419 77 67 9 1
4295 Don't worry. I won't screw you. 1.1429 0.04213 70 60 10 0
4296 We could do this the hard or easy way; your choice. Just know that either way, you'll be getting screwed. 1.1429 0.04419 77 67 9 1
4297 this will be a painless release of pressure for both of us. 1.1429 0.04527 84 74 8 2
4298 Pretend it's like Ozempic, the weight will just spill out of you. 1.1429 0.05493 70 63 4 3
4299 No, no, no, you misheard. I said "'I really get a kick out of bottles in front of me." 1.1429 0.04790 77 68 7 2
4300 It's time to cut down on your drinking. 1.1429 0.05102 70 62 6 2
4301 I've had an excellent suck chess rate. 1.1429 0.04444 63 54 9 0
4302 As the insurance companies have screwed me, I have the pleasure - no, just kidding. 1.1429 0.04790 77 68 7 2
4303 Relax! If I do this right it won't hurt a bit! 1.1429 0.03841 84 72 12 0
4304 Just relax, it'll be fine, I just need to get your cap off. 1.1429 0.04014 77 66 11 0
4305 This won 1.1429 0.04213 70 60 10 0
4306 Now let's check your bouquet. 1.1429 0.04419 77 67 9 1
4307 Now wait just a moment while I put on my rubber glove. 1.1429 0.04444 63 54 9 0
4308 Wine examination: uncork and unwind. 1.1429 0.04444 63 54 9 0
4309 Hey, I’m a doctor so of course I can make us feel better. 1.1429 0.04213 70 60 10 0
4310 It appears you are what you drink. Your pressure is too high, and there is only one treatment left. 1.1429 0.04678 70 61 8 1
4311 You need an operation but it will be quick and painless. 1.1429 0.03841 84 72 12 0
4312 Trust me, I have the perfect remedy for your breathing problem. 1.1429 0.04006 91 79 11 1
4313 To make sure insurance will cover your claims, I’m going to have to check the VIN number under your cork. 1.1429 0.04790 77 68 7 2
4314 How have you been feeling over the past year?" "rotten. 1.1429 0.04678 70 61 8 1
4315 I don’t normally recommend mixing alcohol and pills, but you are going to need a sedative. 1.1429 0.04678 70 61 8 1
4316 With the new noble rot variant going around we have to do one simple test 1.1429 0.04678 70 61 8 1
4317 Lobotomy is a very outdated term 1.1429 0.04198 84 73 10 1
4318 It’s not a lobotomy. We’re just going to relieve the pressure…. 1.1429 0.04678 70 61 8 1
4319 This time, we have a message for you, Mr. Bottle. 1.1429 0.04790 77 68 7 2
4320 This is standard procedure once you turn 50. 1.1413 0.03965 92 80 11 1
4321 We just have to do one last thing and then we’ll celebrate. 1.1413 0.03965 92 80 11 1
4322 No insurance? No problem. 1.1412 0.03799 85 73 12 0
4323 First, you'll feel a popping sensation, then there will be an immediate relief of pressure. 1.1412 0.04152 85 74 10 1
4324 It only hurts for a moment. 1.1412 0.04152 85 74 10 1
4325 I’ve got good news and bad news, the bad news is…this calls for a toast 1.1412 0.04152 85 74 10 1
4326 This simple technique may appear a little screwball 1.1412 0.04779 85 76 6 3
4327 I’m sure we can find a compromise to waive your copay 1.1412 0.04152 85 74 10 1
4328 Okay, let's have a little lookie-loo and see if what can get to the bottom of this. 1.1410 0.04732 78 69 7 2
4329 Not to worry--your HMO covers the corking fee. 1.1410 0.04366 78 68 9 1
4330 Honestly, you've become too friendly to the other food to just keep you on a shelf. 1.1410 0.05072 78 70 5 3
4331 It's a very simple intracranial procedure and you will not remember a thing. 1.1410 0.03966 78 67 11 0
4332 I'm afraid we'll have to drain some of that excess fluid 1.1410 0.04732 78 69 7 2
4333 Please don’t whine…this won’t hurt a bit.” 1.1410 0.04732 78 69 7 2
4334 I promise taking out the IUD will be a painless procedure. You might feel a little acidic afterwards and not as full-bodied as you once were. 1.1410 0.05390 78 71 3 4
4335 Are you ready to begin your lobotomy? 1.1410 0.03966 78 67 11 0
4336 Don't worry, we have the latest technology to remove troublesome plugs. 1.1410 0.04732 78 69 7 2
4337 It’s very simple and I perform it so often people joke I’m addicted. 1.1410 0.04366 78 68 9 1
4338 Now stop whining, I have just the thing to help you breathe. 1.1408 0.04616 71 62 8 1
4339 No, I said this, will feel like a little prick 1.1408 0.04158 71 61 10 0
4340 Is it to late to become a twist top? 1.1408 0.04158 71 61 10 0
4341 This will only hurt a little bit. 1.1408 0.04616 71 62 8 1
4342 “ just a little something to help you breathe” 1.1408 0.04616 71 62 8 1
4343 Do I have a surprise for you! 1.1408 0.05418 71 64 4 3
4344 None at all, though you may feel a little pressure. 1.1408 0.04616 71 62 8 1
4345 Now, I promise, all you will feel is a slight popping. 1.1408 0.04158 71 61 10 0
4346 This is going to hurt 1.1408 0.04616 71 62 8 1
4347 Doctor, please do not put a cork in me.. 1.1408 0.04616 71 62 8 1
4348 You’re about to be the Happiest Man in Napa Valley. 1.1408 0.05033 71 63 6 2
4349 I've done this thousands of times. This won't hurt a bit. 1.1408 0.04616 71 62 8 1
4350 It's a shame your parents didn't have you screw-capped. 1.1408 0.04158 71 61 10 0
4351 This next procedure we must do in the break-room. 1.1408 0.05033 71 63 6 2
4352 Unfortunately, because you've aged, Cologuard is not indicated for you. 1.1408 0.04158 71 61 10 0
4353 You will only feel the first turn 1.1408 0.05778 71 65 2 4
4354 I assure you that this will not spill a drop of your wine. It is only a simple operation to reverse the aging process. 1.1408 0.05418 71 64 4 3
4355 Don't worry, there's no corkage fee. 1.1408 0.04616 71 62 8 1
4356 This won't hurt a bit...we just need a glass for table 4. 1.1406 0.04914 64 56 7 1
4357 Yes, I know what the word pejorative means. Why do you ask? 1.1406 0.05395 64 57 5 2
4358 You’re gonna feel a slight poke 1.1406 0.04380 64 55 9 0
4359 Unfortunately, you can’t have anesthesia because we can’t let you drink your own kind. 1.1406 0.04914 64 56 7 1
4360 “My pronouns are Wi, Win and Wine.” 1.1406 0.04914 64 56 7 1
4361 And now for the taste test. 1.1406 0.04914 64 56 7 1
4362 On a scale of 1 to 10 how would you rate the taste ? Point out your best vein so we can send a sample to the lab to correlate. 1.1406 0.04914 64 56 7 1
4363 It's like a colonoscopy, but at the other end so you can breathe better. 1.1395 0.03758 86 74 12 0
4364 So sorry to tell you but the size of your punt is too small. Our AI-MBA team has come up with the idea of increasing profits by increasing punt size. 1.1395 0.04726 86 77 6 3
4365 the good news is I'm really not a Doctor, I only play one on TV... 1.1395 0.04106 86 75 10 1
4366 Oh this is nothing. You should have seen how I treated the Brie... 1.1392 0.04675 79 70 7 2
4367 It's a simple in-office procedure, and I promise you instant relief. 1.1392 0.03920 79 68 11 0
4368 As a matter of fact, I've performed this procedure thousands of times. 1.1392 0.04314 79 69 9 1
4369 Under pressure lately? Let's see what we can do about that! 1.1392 0.03920 79 68 11 0
4370 I graduated top of my class at NapaValleyMDs.com! 1.1392 0.04314 79 69 9 1
4371 You look like you need to get screwed. 1.1392 0.05010 79 71 5 3
4372 Now you may feel a slight spiraling sensation. 1.1392 0.04675 79 70 7 2
4373 Where’s the anesthesiologist!?” “Don’t you worry your little vino heart.” 1.1392 0.04314 79 69 9 1
4374 So tell me about your urinary problem 1.1392 0.04314 79 69 9 1
4375 Bend Over, and… you might feel a little discomfort. 1.1392 0.04314 79 69 9 1
4376 How about I help you open up and breath. 1.1392 0.04314 79 69 9 1
4377 I promise this will hurt me more than it does you! 1.1392 0.04314 79 69 9 1
4378 Don't worry. Corkage is covered by your insurance. 1.1392 0.04675 79 70 7 2
4379 Did your legal guardian sign the consent form? 1.1392 0.03920 79 68 11 0
4380 Extreme and undesirable circumstances or situations can only be resolved by resorting to equally extreme actions. 1.1392 0.03920 79 68 11 0
4381 I promise it’s not going to hurt. 1.1392 0.04314 79 69 9 1
4382 You'll feel some pressure, then hear a 'pop.' Then my fruity friend, you'll breathe like you've never taken a breath! 1.1389 0.04104 72 62 10 0
4383 Perfectly harmless procedure, but it might leave you with an empty feeling. 1.1389 0.04556 72 63 8 1
4384 You won't feel a thing plus you'll begin to lose weight almost immediately! 1.1389 0.04556 72 63 8 1
4385 Look at it as an Anthenectomy. 1.1389 0.04556 72 63 8 1
4386 No, I think you misunderstood, old chap, .....I said a frontal lobotomy. 1.1389 0.04967 72 64 6 2
4387 No worries, we're just going to check your prostate. 1.1389 0.04556 72 63 8 1
4388 You’re blushing… I would have never guessed you were a rosé. 1.1389 0.04556 72 63 8 1
4389 Let's stop all this whining and see what all this screw up has been about! 1.1389 0.04967 72 64 6 2
4390 I've got a new twist for your treatment. 1.1389 0.05346 72 65 4 3
4391 The procedure is highly recommended for someone your age, and given your alcohol levels, you won't feel a thing... 1.1389 0.04104 72 62 10 0
4392 It will go easy if you just bend forward and brace yourself. 1.1389 0.04556 72 63 8 1
4393 No wining,please! 1.1389 0.04556 72 63 8 1
4394 You’ll feel a slight pinch, but then it’s mostly pressure 1.1389 0.04967 72 64 6 2
4395 Feeling all plugged up? Well, I can fix that for you right here and now! 1.1385 0.04842 65 57 7 1
4396 I told you that if you whined enough about your cold that this could happen. 1.1385 0.04842 65 57 7 1
4397 This procedure usually goes easiest if you close those refreshing, well rounded, and fruit forward with a hint of cinnamon eyes of yours. 1.1383 0.04170 94 83 9 2
4398 Hey, Big Spender!... 1.1379 0.05188 58 51 6 1
4399 Once we clear the blockage your full flavor will flow with brie and baguette! 1.1379 0.03718 87 75 12 0
4400 You might feel a little pinch at first, but then you'll be able to breathe. 1.1379 0.03718 87 75 12 0
4401 Relax, you’re being skewered … not screwed. 1.1379 0.04062 87 76 10 1
4402 Say arghhhhhh ! 1.1379 0.04567 58 50 8 0
4403 No, it's not serious! Think of it like an impacted tooth. 1.1379 0.03718 87 75 12 0
4404 I'm really sorry, but this is the only we can get an accurate cholestorol reading. 1.1375 0.04263 80 70 9 1
4405 I promise this will only leave you with a small headache. 1.1375 0.03875 80 69 11 0
4406 No health insurance you say? Well you're about to get screwed ,and that's just the opener. 1.1375 0.05553 80 74 1 5
4407 Stop your whining,I just want to air out our differences. 1.1375 0.04263 80 70 9 1
4408 Feeling a little corky, are we? 1.1375 0.03875 80 69 11 0
4409 You've reached an age where a corkoscopy would be of benefit to me, er I mean you. 1.1370 0.04497 73 64 8 1
4410 I know you're feeling like you're under pressure but I have the right thing to help you breathe. 1.1370 0.04497 73 64 8 1
4411 You just need to relax and breathe. 1.1370 0.04052 73 63 10 0
4412 After a certain vintage, you really should get one every year. 1.1370 0.04052 73 63 10 0
4413 That's nice. Now close your eyes and go to your happy place. 1.1370 0.04902 73 65 6 2
4414 There's this wonderful innovative procedure called a lobotomy... 1.1370 0.04497 73 64 8 1
4415 Just a little procedure, recommended every Friday at happy hour. 1.1370 0.04902 73 65 6 2
4416 Just bend over. This won’t hurt a bit! 1.1370 0.04497 73 64 8 1
4417 Please lie on your side. 1.1370 0.04497 73 64 8 1
4418 Don't worry, we just meed to drain off a little fluid. 1.1370 0.04497 73 64 8 1
4419 No need to worry. This won't hurt a bit. 1.1370 0.04497 73 64 8 1
4420 It a rather simple test to see if you’re genetically from the domesticated grape, Vitis vinifera subsp. vinifera, or V. vinifera subsp. sylvestris it’s wilder relative. 1.1370 0.04902 73 65 6 2
4421 I suppose I'd call myself a Wine-ocologist. 1.1370 0.04052 73 63 10 0
4422 Just a little tug and voila...screw cap! 1.1370 0.04497 73 64 8 1
4423 This will just relieve a little pressure from the top… 1.1370 0.04497 73 64 8 1
4424 I have good News for you! 1.1368 0.03545 95 82 13 0
4425 After carefully consideration your condition, I urge you to immediately give up every trace of alcohol. 1.1364 0.05239 66 59 5 2
4426 I'n order to determine why you're feeling aged, I'll need to take a small sample. This may pinch a bit. 1.1364 0.04331 88 78 8 2
4427 I have a simple procedure to help you breathe. 1.1364 0.04257 66 57 9 0
4428 Don’t worry - you might just feel a small pinch. 1.1364 0.05239 66 59 5 2
4429 There, there, now. Don't be so anxious. It'll all be over in a minute 1.1364 0.04257 66 57 9 0
4430 Proctologist? That's funny! 1.1364 0.04773 66 58 7 1
4431 I know we thought this needn’t be done for another couple of years, the time is now ripe. 1.1364 0.04773 66 58 7 1
4432 I had a hard day at work being a doctor, so now I can finally uncork this anthropomorphic bottle of wine and drink it’s lifeblood. Thursdays are the new fridays, right?! 1.1364 0.05666 66 60 3 3
4433 Behind my back, oh, nothing. 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
4434 I promise you! It will relieve all the pressure and you will feel great! 1.1358 0.04892 81 73 5 3
4435 This only hurts if you have a bottle cap. 1.1358 0.03830 81 70 11 0
4436 Don't worry, just a quick turn of the screw and you'll be able to breathe properly. 1.1358 0.03830 81 70 11 0
4437 Just a small prick, and then we'll be done here!" 1.1358 0.03830 81 70 11 0
4438 Sorry; requesting Black Lable 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
4439 You’ve aged like a champ, now go out there and get some finance bros drunk! 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
4440 Stop’wineing’, you’ll feel better once the cork is out” Jeffrey Manly Toronto, On 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
4441 Let's just get you decanted so we can see what's going on in there. 1.1356 0.05104 59 52 6 1
4442 No need to fear, we recommend this procedure to all of a certain vintage 1.1356 0.05104 59 52 6 1
4443 No, no, you're not screwed. 1.1351 0.04001 74 64 10 0
4444 Don't worry, TiTok said lobotomies are all the rage. 1.1351 0.04440 74 65 8 1
4445 Just a minor procedure with a tiny little needle and we 1.1351 0.04001 74 64 10 0
4446 Trust me, there are much worse ways I could do this. 1.1351 0.04001 74 64 10 0
4447 You'll feel much better after a good, old-fashioned trephining. 1.1351 0.04440 74 65 8 1
4448 I should wait for the party - sorry, I'll postpone this checkup, see me on Friday" 1.1351 0.04440 74 65 8 1
4449 Yes, I certainly can help relieve that pressure you've been feeling. 1.1351 0.04440 74 65 8 1
4450 Let's review the way your insurance company will treat you after this visit. 1.1351 0.04440 74 65 8 1
4451 Oh this part is nothing compared to when we empty you out and drink you. Just kidding! 1.1351 0.05207 74 67 4 3
4452 Hmm, too much activity in the precorkal lobe. I've seen this before. 1.1351 0.04440 74 65 8 1
4453 Actually, we have come a long way since the early days of trepanning. 1.1351 0.04001 74 64 10 0
4454 Pour me?? Pour you! . 1.1351 0.05207 74 67 4 3
4455 „Some might think it is outdated, but a Lobotomy has helped many Bottles before you.“ 1.1348 0.04285 89 79 8 2
4456 All you’ll feel is a small pinch 1.1348 0.03976 89 78 10 1
4457 I promise, this is standard practice when you're a vintage. 1.1343 0.04705 67 59 7 1
4458 Now, this may hurt a little.... 1.1343 0.04705 67 59 7 1
4459 Just a little stick and twist and, trust me, you'll breathe much easier. 1.1343 0.04197 67 58 9 0
4460 Fun fact. You’re screwed. 1.1343 0.04705 67 59 7 1
4461 I assure you. I don't drink on the job. 1.1343 0.04705 67 59 7 1
4462 And when it's over we'll pair you with a nice Camembert and some Jello. 1.1343 0.04705 67 59 7 1
4463 Just a small pinch, then you can breathe. 1.1343 0.04705 67 59 7 1
4464 Normally it would hurt. But with your alcohol level, you won't feel a thing. 1.1343 0.04197 67 58 9 0
4465 Please bend over on your knees and face the wall behind you. 1.1341 0.04512 82 73 7 2
4466 You have aged very well, let's pull the cork before you descend into decrepitude. 1.1341 0.04165 82 72 9 1
4467 'This won't hurt a bit' is a bit cliched. How about a top-al lobotomy? 1.1341 0.04512 82 73 7 2
4468 In humans it's called trepanning. That's why I have this giant corkscrew handy. 1.1341 0.04165 82 72 9 1
4469 Luckily for you, bottle shaped obesity is not associated with bad health outcomes. 1.1341 0.04512 82 73 7 2
4470 Usually I'd say, "A little pinch", but in your case... 1.1341 0.04512 82 73 7 2
4471 For this exam you may feel a little pressure. 1.1341 0.03787 82 71 11 0
4472 A glass of wine first?? I'm sorry that is not how it works. 1.1341 0.04512 82 73 7 2
4473 With this instrument, I plan to unleash a reign of terroir. 1.1341 0.04512 82 73 7 2
4474 I believe the nurse said your name is Chateau Lafite Rothschild '96? 1.1341 0.04512 82 73 7 2
4475 Your about to get screwed & not in a good way. 1.1341 0.04512 82 73 7 2
4476 Feeling a little off? 1.1341 0.04165 82 72 9 1
4477 Don’t worry I’m an expert in these type of extractions. 1.1341 0.03787 82 71 11 0
4478 Relax, Mr. Merlot. It is a simple procedure which will allow you to breathe and relieve outward pressure on your sand, limestone and sodium carbonate exoskeleton. 1.1333 0.04384 75 66 8 1
4479 This is what happens after 3rd bottle of yours... 1.1333 0.03935 90 79 10 1
4480 kinda nervous, i think he's gonna screw me 1.1333 0.03935 90 79 10 1
4481 Not to worry. I'll feel so much better after an hour or so. Nurse, bring me a glass. 1.1333 0.04777 75 67 6 2
4482 Your moment of truth has arrived Pinot-cchio 1.1333 0.05141 75 68 4 3
4483 Just bend over and cough, please! 1.1333 0.03952 75 65 10 0
4484 Don't worry, the procedure will help you breathe. 1.1333 0.03952 75 65 10 0
4485 With our new non-invasive treatment we don’t cut into your bottle at all. 1.1333 0.04793 90 82 4 4
4486 Well, Mr. Tump, I told you this would happen if you continued to take the Fifth." 1.1333 0.03952 75 65 10 0
4487 Don't worry, it's only to help you breathe 1.1333 0.04384 75 66 8 1
4488 I promise I won't screw with you! 1.1333 0.04384 75 66 8 1
4489 I'm going to teach you how to breathe through anxiety attacks. 1.1333 0.04384 75 66 8 1
4490 ....just a little pressure 1.1325 0.03744 83 72 11 0
4491 No, rest assured, there are no needles used in this procedure 1.1325 0.03744 83 72 11 0
4492 Don't believe everything you read. The medical system isn't actually set up to screw you. 1.1325 0.04461 83 74 7 2
4493 I know this instrument is a bit vintage, but it gets the job done. 1.1325 0.03744 83 72 11 0
4494 No, no, no, not THAT, just bend forward slightly, you might feel a pulling sensation. 1.1325 0.04461 83 74 7 2
4495 I can be more helpful if you'd just open up with me....AND I have an idea about that ! 1.1325 0.04118 83 73 9 1
4496 To truly be free and unwind... one must briefly endure annoying screw ups... 1.1325 0.04118 83 73 9 1
4497 Don't worry, having a good nose is very important for a wine. You know, I can help you open up if you have more on your mind. 1.1324 0.05091 68 61 5 2
4498 You'll feel a slight headache but it will relieve the sinus pressure. 1.1324 0.04640 68 60 7 1
4499 I have just the thing for your bloated feeling. 1.1324 0.04640 68 60 7 1
4500 This next procedure is recommended for someone of your vintage. 1.1324 0.04640 68 60 7 1
4501 Turn around, put your elbows on the table, feet on the floor and bend over please? 1.1324 0.04640 68 60 7 1
4502 Yes, we continue to promote breathing at room temperature for optimal health. 1.1324 0.04140 68 59 9 0
4503 Well, Bruce, my suspicions were confirmed and it's going to take drainage to resolve your diagnosis. 1.1324 0.04640 68 60 7 1
4504 I just received board certification in proctoenology. 1.1324 0.05091 68 61 5 2
4505 You might need a little help opening up and saying "Ahhh." 1.1324 0.04640 68 60 7 1
4506 This may not make you feel good, but it certainly will make me feel a lot better. 1.1324 0.04640 68 60 7 1
4507 You were screwed when they sealed the bottle but perhaps I can help. 1.1324 0.04640 68 60 7 1
4508 I hear you're also friends with the Kennedys! 1.1324 0.04640 68 60 7 1
4509 I'm just going to help your contents breathe. 1.1324 0.04140 68 59 9 0
4510 No worries this operation is on the house 1.1324 0.04640 68 60 7 1
4511 Hollywood is influencing the world in VERY unexpected ways. To cure your herpes I'm going to try the maneuver Tom Cruise did in Top Gun: Maverick. 1.1319 0.03894 91 80 10 1
4512 There’s a nice Jell-O shot in it for you if you don’t whine! 1.1316 0.03903 76 66 10 0
4513 C'mon, everybody knows it's common practice to take a little sample. 1.1316 0.04329 76 67 8 1
4514 Sorry, you're too young for me. 1.1316 0.04329 76 67 8 1
4515 Relax. A colonoscopy is nothing to be afraid of. 1.1316 0.04329 76 67 8 1
4516 Just how well you're aging depends on the one and only test I know. 1.1316 0.04329 76 67 8 1
4517 Let's talk about your life's twists and turns 1.1316 0.04329 76 67 8 1
4518 The good news is the tests came back negative… 1.1316 0.03903 76 66 10 0
4519 The entire office would like to invite you to an impromptu tasting event. 1.1316 0.04717 76 68 6 2
4520 I see you’re a virgin. I can fix that 1.1316 0.04717 76 68 6 2
4521 Don't worry, it's just a small prick, and then you will be able to breathe. 1.1316 0.03903 76 66 10 0
4522 I just need to up you up and have a look! 1.1316 0.04329 76 67 8 1
4523 Alright sir try to relax, you might feel a bit of pressure but that’s totally normal 1.1316 0.04329 76 67 8 1
4524 Relax, I'm just here to take your temperature and check your sentiments against doctors. 1.1311 0.04945 61 54 6 1
4525 Don't worry, I am not a proctologist. 1.1311 0.04945 61 54 6 1
4526 You promised you wouldn't screw me,doc. 1.1311 0.04358 61 53 8 0
4527 The good news is that you don’t have to see me again for two years 1.1311 0.05470 61 55 4 2
4528 Don't worry, it's a simple procedure to find out how well you're aging. 1.1311 0.05470 61 55 4 2
4529 You sound like you could use a drink. I know I could." 1.1311 0.04358 61 53 8 0
4530 A little test to tast the good in you 1.1311 0.05470 61 55 4 2
4531 Can you spell oenophile? 1.1310 0.04072 84 74 9 1
4532 It's a simple procedure and at your vintage a necessary one.à 1.1310 0.03703 84 73 11 0
4533 This is where I check your prostate. 1.1310 0.03703 84 73 11 0
4534 You've reached the age when I'm gonna need to pop your cork. 1.1310 0.04072 84 74 9 1
4535 We're just going to take a little blood. 1.1310 0.04410 84 75 7 2
4536 Don’t think about it that way. It’s about breathing freely. It’s about freedom! 1.1310 0.03703 84 73 11 0
4537 Honey, you have aged like a fine wine. 1.1310 0.04410 84 75 7 2
4538 I thought doctor’s weren’t allowed to do this anymore 1.1310 0.04724 84 76 5 3
4539 What did you say we were doing after work tonight 1.1304 0.03854 92 81 10 1
4540 Relax. Taking samples from patients is a perfectly normal and surprisingly scrumptious thing. 1.1304 0.04084 69 60 9 0
4541 Now, let's see if you've really been aging in a temperature controlled room like you said. 1.1304 0.04084 69 60 9 0
4542 Nothing to worry about…or should I say nothing to whine about. 1.1304 0.04084 69 60 9 0
4543 Don't worry! One sip- ahem, snip, and the procedure will be all over... 1.1304 0.04084 69 60 9 0
4544 Guess what I have for YOU! 1.1304 0.04084 69 60 9 0
4545 In a few seconds you were be able to breathe much easier! 1.1304 0.04084 69 60 9 0
4546 I think you’ve always known that lying contentedly in a prone position at a comfortable 55° to 65° would, one day, have to come to an end. 1.1304 0.04084 69 60 9 0
4547 I’m a specialist! I can assure you that I know more about your experience than you, and your wish to stay intact is a tangential concern. I’m your trusted physician—what are you afraid I’ll do, screw you?” [patronizing chuckle 1.1304 0.04576 69 61 7 1
4548 No hospitalization required. We can perform the procedure right here in the office. 1.1300 0.03933 100 89 9 2
4549 This next procedure, while invasive, is sure to get the old juices flowing. 1.1299 0.04276 77 68 8 1
4550 This won't hurt a bit! 1.1299 0.03856 77 67 10 0
4551 Remember that funny "sommelier" joke at our last formal dinner? 1.1299 0.03856 77 67 10 0
4552 This won't hurt a bit. That cork must come out. 1.1299 0.04276 77 68 8 1
4553 Now this may hurt a bit... 1.1299 0.04276 77 68 8 1
4554 Get rid of the big corkscrew, they said... What ever do you need that for? Well, well, well, who's laughing now? 1.1299 0.04276 77 68 8 1
4555 Trust me. I've done this procedure thousands of times and I never imbibe. 1.1299 0.03856 77 67 10 0
4556 This is the one time it's OK for me to screw up. 1.1299 0.04276 77 68 8 1
4557 Again with your slurred stories about the apocalypse! Just come down from there, and all will be forgotten. 1.1299 0.04276 77 68 8 1
4558 It's just a minor operation so you can breathe more easily. 1.1299 0.04276 77 68 8 1
4559 Ready for your rectal exam? 1.1299 0.04276 77 68 8 1
4560 Unfortunately for Dr. Tam’s 5:00PM patient, he paired nicely with Diazepam. 1.1299 0.04276 77 68 8 1
4561 Turn around and bend over toward me - this won't hurt a bit 1.1294 0.04361 85 76 7 2
4562 I just don't like to see you keep everything bottled up inside. 1.1294 0.03662 85 74 11 0
4563 Actually I'm a urologist. 1.1294 0.04027 85 75 9 1
4564 The good news is your not contagious. The bad news? You're delicious. 1.1294 0.04027 85 75 9 1
4565 Don't worry, our team has never screwed up this procedure. 1.1294 0.04027 85 75 9 1
4566 I am sorry to say this, but you have chronic gastritis. 1.1294 0.04027 85 75 9 1
4567 I think you're going to love my little surprise. 1.1290 0.04869 62 55 6 1
4568 Just so you know my cork isn’t that big 1.1290 0.04292 62 54 8 0
4569 I think you should just relax and breathe. 1.1290 0.04292 62 54 8 0
4570 Amd mow we can toast your demise 1.1286 0.04514 70 62 7 1
4571 I know exactly how to fix you." 1.1286 0.04514 70 62 7 1
4572 Relax, I just want to help you breathe. 1.1286 0.04514 70 62 7 1
4573 Yes, I am an ENT specialist. But believe me, this is the best way to examine your nose. 1.1286 0.04514 70 62 7 1
4574 Hey there, baby! Would you like to have some fun tonight? 1.1286 0.04030 70 61 9 0
4575 I understand you haven't been able to pee for several days now. 1.1286 0.04030 70 61 9 0
4576 Your lab results show a well balanced acidity with notes of black cherry and cinnamon and a hint of vanilla. 1.1286 0.04952 70 63 5 2
4577 It's an inclined plane with a delicate finish 1.1286 0.04030 70 61 9 0
4578 Trust me, I'm your doctor. Just lay back, relax and let me drain your troubles away! 1.1286 0.04952 70 63 5 2
4579 I'm afraid we'll have to remove your cork to examine your vintage. 1.1286 0.04030 70 61 9 0
4580 Don't worry. It's a simple operation. 1.1286 0.04514 70 62 7 1
4581 True, we no longer do the digital exam. However... 1.1286 0.04514 70 62 7 1
4582 ‘Just think of it as letting out your full body, the aromas of black currant, vanilla and lavender.’ 1.1286 0.04030 70 61 9 0
4583 Ok, now turn your head and cough. 1.1286 0.04514 70 62 7 1
4584 Allergy season has been really rough this year, but lucky for you I have the perfect thing to help you breathe. 1.1282 0.04602 78 70 6 2
4585 It seems to me you have a blood clot. 1.1282 0.04224 78 69 8 1
4586 I'm anticipating that you will be rejuvenated after you get some fresh air. 1.1282 0.03810 78 68 10 0
4587 Now …I’m only going to apply a little pressure to your cork. If you feel any pain, it’s okay to whine. 1.1282 0.03810 78 68 10 0
4588 I have an idea to help you better express yourself. 1.1279 0.03982 86 76 9 1
4589 You have a small growth on your head. Nothing to worry about. I can remove it here.... 1.1279 0.03982 86 76 9 1
4590 We are going to take this nice and slow. 1.1279 0.03623 86 75 11 0
4591 You’re getting older, so now it’s time to see if you’ve aged well 1.1279 0.04312 86 77 7 2
4592 This might feel a little bit screwy, but I sure don't want to hear any grape-ing or wine-ing 1.1270 0.05303 63 57 4 2
4593 Don't worry, its just a simple test to see how well you aged! 1.1270 0.04796 63 56 6 1
4594 About that top procedure you mentioned 1.1270 0.04796 63 56 6 1
4595 One time I ate Taco Bell at 4am and boy did that make me gas up like a light bulb. Oh this. This is a corkscrew! 1.1270 0.04796 63 56 6 1
4596 I'm going to need to run some tests. 1.1268 0.03977 71 62 9 0
4597 It's okay to be nervous the first time. 1.1268 0.04454 71 63 7 1
4598 Oh... that. This won't hurt a bit. It's fun, like the dance "twist and shout!" 1.1268 0.04454 71 63 7 1
4599 You'll just feel a little bit of pressure and some scraping. We do this to women all the time. 1.1268 0.04454 71 63 7 1
4600 Wow, this is the earliest I’ve seen the new Beaujolais.” “Our extraction fee is higher for a vintage.” “If the extraction d in doesn’t work, we just push the cork into your body and you pour into a decanter. 1.1268 0.04454 71 63 7 1
4601 I've got a smaller one, but it will take longer to get it out. 1.1268 0.04885 71 64 5 2
4602 Never thought he would be indicted? He’s screwed and so are you…in a manner of speaking.” 1.1268 0.04885 71 64 5 2
4603 WILL YOU CORK ME AFTERWARDS? 1.1268 0.03977 71 62 9 0
4604 Sooner or later, we’re all screwed. 1.1268 0.04454 71 63 7 1
4605 I need a taste to tell what vintage. 1.1268 0.03977 71 62 9 0
4606 So, I umderstand you're having trouble breathing. 1.1268 0.04885 71 64 5 2
4607 No it's not exactly a prostate exam, but it's a similar idea. 1.1268 0.03977 71 62 9 0
4608 It's a simple temperature check without putting anything in your mouth. 1.1268 0.04454 71 63 7 1
4609 I have a cure for your middle-age crisis! 1.1268 0.03977 71 62 9 0
4610 There's nothing wrong with you a little airing out....in my belly....won't cure. 1.1266 0.04174 79 70 8 1
4611 The good news is that your blood looks great. The bad news is that it pairs well with venison. 1.1266 0.04174 79 70 8 1
4612 I worked as a sommelier before becoming a surgeon; you need to breathe. 1.1266 0.04174 79 70 8 1
4613 Ever had a colonoscopy ? 1.1266 0.04546 79 71 6 2
4614 As it turns out, apparently there is someone who would order a giant bottle of Old Vines Zin. 1.1266 0.04546 79 71 6 2
4615 Her Doc, isn’t there a minimally-invasive option? 1.1266 0.04174 79 70 8 1
4616 Just stand perfectly still and think about the Napa Valley and I will waive the corkage fee 1.1266 0.04174 79 70 8 1
4617 If you don't have health insurance you're about to get screwed! 1.1266 0.04174 79 70 8 1
4618 This calls for a toast! Very few guys of your vintage live long enough to get a corkoscopy. 1.1266 0.04174 79 70 8 1
4619 Your X-ray shows some fluid buildup which we’ll need to drain. You’re going to feel a light pinch. 1.1266 0.04174 79 70 8 1
4620 I need a sample of the amount all my other patients are lying about. 1.1266 0.03765 79 69 10 0
4621 You're not using that needle on me !! 1.1264 0.04568 87 79 5 3
4622 Because you were born in 1959, which was a very good year, I will be examining your nose, legs, overall body feel. 1.1250 0.04395 72 64 7 1
4623 I have good news and bad news. Which would you like first...? 1.1250 0.03925 72 63 9 0
4624 I'm very drunk. 1.1250 0.03721 80 70 10 0
4625 Your last corkscrew is governed by Doctor. 1.1250 0.04124 80 71 8 1
4626 You've got to open up to the world around you. 1.1250 0.03721 80 70 10 0
4627 Not yet Dr. Kavorkian! My vintage is too young. 1.1250 0.04492 80 72 6 2
4628 And only then, will we let you breathe. 1.1250 0.04725 64 57 6 1
4629 "Keep a lid on it, and you'll steer clear of 'pour' health!" 1.1250 0.04820 72 65 5 2
4630 So why would you want to know? 1.1250 0.04124 80 71 8 1
4631 I'm happy to say that we have a cure for your build up of gas due to aging. 1.1250 0.03925 72 63 9 0
4632 A group of us here at the clinic have diagnosed you as having a breathing problem. 1.1250 0.03897 88 78 9 1
4633 Sandra Lee has nothing on me. 1.1250 0.04395 72 64 7 1
4634 Great news! You’re invited to brunch at the Captain’s Table! 1.1250 0.03925 72 63 9 0
4635 I want to share pleasure with you this evening. 1.1250 0.04167 64 56 8 0
4636 Need a few more tests. Should know in the morning but I may be a bit late. 1.1250 0.04395 72 64 7 1
4637 So, you won't cork 1.1250 0.05223 64 58 4 2
4638 Relax! You’ll only feel a tiny pinch. 1.1250 0.04725 64 57 6 1
4639 The procedure is simple. I’m going to release the pressure and drain your liquids. 1.1250 0.04820 72 65 5 2
4640 No,No,No! It is nothing like a colonoscopy! 1.1250 0.04820 72 65 5 2
4641 I prefer the taste of Film Noir to be honest… 1.1250 0.04124 80 71 8 1
4642 We need parental consent for such a young vintage. 1.1250 0.03925 72 63 9 0
4643 It doesn't hurt and it will let you breathe. 1.1235 0.03678 81 71 10 0
4644 This is going to hurt me more than it is you. 1.1235 0.04076 81 72 8 1
4645 Bend over, we're going to screw. It's known to have healing ability. 1.1233 0.03875 73 64 9 0
4646 You won't feel a thing - I promise.......... 1.1233 0.04756 73 66 5 2
4647 Don't worry, you'll be breathing fully in no time! 1.1233 0.03875 73 64 9 0
4648 Sorry but the minimally invasive procedure is available only to screw cap patients. 1.1233 0.04338 73 65 7 1
4649 Politicians will tell you it won't hurt a bit. 1.1233 0.04756 73 66 5 2
4650 1947 Mouton Rothschild, I'd say we definitely need a specimen. 1.1233 0.04338 73 65 7 1
4651 Stop wining or… 1.1233 0.03875 73 64 9 0
4652 If you fizzme up, I'll burn your mouth out. 1.1233 0.03875 73 64 9 0
4653 Not to worry. Most vintages find the slight discomfort tolerable 1.1233 0.04338 73 65 7 1
4654 I'll have what she's having 1.1233 0.04338 73 65 7 1
4655 Now, I’m not a wine doctor but I did use a holiday vino press last night. 1.1233 0.03875 73 64 9 0
4656 And you think you’re the best solution to human problems . 1.1233 0.04338 73 65 7 1
4657 Hmm. Before I answer, let's define "hurt." 1.1231 0.04107 65 57 8 0
4658 All wines over 40 should be getting their grapes checked. 1.1231 0.04655 65 58 6 1
4659 I'm Dr. Henry James.. What seems to be the issue today? 1.1231 0.04655 65 58 6 1
4660 It's time for your colonoscopy 1.1231 0.04655 65 58 6 1
4661 You need an enema. It seems you are all bottled up. 1.1231 0.04655 65 58 6 1
4662 I’m afraid you’re just empty. 1.1231 0.04107 65 57 8 0
4663 It’s painless, and will allow you to breathe. 1.1228 0.04386 57 50 7 0
4664 Good news, I’ve got just the trick to remove that stress in your neck 1.1228 0.04386 57 50 7 0
4665 Don't whine, it will only hurt for a second 1.1220 0.03636 82 72 10 0
4666 The tests are back and I'm afraid you have a terminal case of vintage maturity. 1.1220 0.03636 82 72 10 0
4667 New don't be in such low spirits. 1.1220 0.04029 82 73 8 1
4668 Don't worry sir, you'll be able to lie down again after we insert the silicone implant. 1.1220 0.04387 82 74 6 2
4669 It's a simple procedure, you'll surely feel lighter afterwards. 1.1220 0.03636 82 72 10 0
4670 We actually put them all in a big glass jar. It really livens up the den! 1.1216 0.04282 74 66 7 1
4671 Since the laxative isn't working, I've brought something else to unplug you. 1.1216 0.04282 74 66 7 1
4672 It's just a little pinch. It won't hurt. Promise! 1.1216 0.03825 74 65 9 0
4673 Close your eyes and the lobottlmy will immediately relieve the pressure. 1.1216 0.03825 74 65 9 0
4674 So there's this patient across the hall who keeps going on about her semester abroad and gives me the impression that balding isn't a deal-breaker... 1.1216 0.04695 74 67 5 2
4675 Ha! Me? The surgeon general. Must be the wine talking… 1.1216 0.04282 74 66 7 1
4676 It’s a routine procedure that will get you breathing and improve your condition. 1.1216 0.03825 74 65 9 0
4677 After this simple procedure, one of us will feel better very soon. 1.1216 0.03825 74 65 9 0
4678 I believe it was DeVonte who sang, "But you can you blame me I Got these men thirsty To get a little squeeze butt Don't nobody screw it like you screw it Don't nobody screw it like you screw it Don't nobody screw it like you screw it Don't nobody screw it like you" 1.1216 0.04695 74 67 5 2
4679 I'm retiring. 1.1212 0.05071 66 60 4 2
4680 Turn your cork to the left and cough! 1.1212 0.04048 66 58 8 0
4681 There's an opening for you after all! 1.1212 0.04588 66 59 6 1
4682 For your comfort, we'll keep the room cool and dark. 1.1212 0.05071 66 60 4 2
4683 Just a pinch. 1.1212 0.04048 66 58 8 0
4684 You’re mature enough to not be afraid of a small prick. 1.1212 0.04048 66 58 8 0
4685 Guns don't kill people, liberal policies kill people 1.1207 0.04967 58 52 5 1
4686 I'd rather have a bottle in front of me while you have a frontal labotomy. 1.1205 0.03983 83 74 8 1
4687 Small pinch and it will all be over. 1.1205 0.03983 83 74 8 1
4688 Just relax. I've got just the thing to cure your stuffy head and to allow you breathe freely. 1.1205 0.03983 83 74 8 1
4689 This 'oscopy' will fix the blockage and will not hurt at all since you will have more than ample medication. 1.1205 0.03983 83 74 8 1
4690 Honestly what hurts most is the uncorking fee 1.1205 0.03983 83 74 8 1
4691 Doc! Could you stop SCREWING around and let me know my resentment level!? 1.1205 0.03595 83 73 10 0
4692 They tell me these biopsies are painless. 1.1200 0.03778 75 66 9 0
4693 Heads up! You've been invited to supper! 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
4694 This won't hurt a bit. As a matter of fact, it'll taste great! 1.1200 0.03778 75 66 9 0
4695 Unscrew you ! 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
4696 lets open 1.1200 0.03778 75 66 9 0
4697 screw you, big boy! 1.1200 0.04634 75 68 5 2
4698 You'll probably first feel a slight pinch. 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
4699 It's more a 'procedure' than an operation Mr. Cabernet. It will relieve that feeling of fullness. 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
4700 But mon ami, cheer up. Your bouquet will be remembered for decades! 1.1200 0.03778 75 66 9 0
4701 You look like you're ready to pop your cork! I've got just the remedy, big guy. 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
4702 I took the liberty of stocking the refrigerator with eggs. 1.1200 0.03778 75 66 9 0
4703 Your terroir is evident. 1.1200 0.03778 75 66 9 0
4704 Well yes you do have to bend over, and there will be a little “pinch” but I promise the relief you get from the pressure will be instantaneous. 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
4705 Don’t worry it will clear your head out 1.1200 0.03778 75 66 9 0
4706 You know, malpractice insurance increases up if you drink on the job. 1.1196 0.03736 92 82 9 1
4707 No worries, we're just looking for 11,000 more votes 1.1194 0.04523 67 60 6 1
4708 Well, it acts like an enema 1.1194 0.03991 67 59 8 0
4709 I just need to draw a little blood. 1.1194 0.03991 67 59 8 0
4710 Im really into you 1.1194 0.04523 67 60 6 1
4711 Funnily enough, this takes care of both your prescription and my night. 1.1194 0.03991 67 59 8 0
4712 …and then we’ll test your sample as a match for our charity donation gala. Come on! You’ll be the life of the party! 1.1194 0.04523 67 60 6 1
4713 I was thinking the practice might enjoy raising a glass to your excellent longevity! 1.1194 0.04523 67 60 6 1
4714 Thats right, you more than me! 1.1194 0.04523 67 60 6 1
4715 I’ve got just the thing to stop your whining. 1.1194 0.04523 67 60 6 1
4716 The bad news is you’re fulled with cheap wine but the good news is, you’ve got an expensive label. 1.1194 0.04998 67 61 4 2
4717 You may feel a small pinch at the incision site,but rest assured the procedure is entirely painless. 1.1190 0.03555 84 74 10 0
4718 I am an honorable man: I will ask you to dinner first. 1.1186 0.04886 59 53 5 1
4719 No, we don't have an anesthetic that works on corks 1.1186 0.04246 59 52 7 0
4720 Just a short procedure to help you breathe. 1.1186 0.05451 59 54 3 2
4721 I'm feeling a little weak myself. 1.1186 0.04246 59 52 7 0
4722 Doctor Kecorkian strikes again. 1.1184 0.04576 76 69 5 2
4723 We'll unwind each other. 1.1184 0.03731 76 67 9 0
4724 Aging has been good to you, but... 1.1184 0.03731 76 67 9 0
4725 Your lab tests show a very elevated level of deliciousness. 1.1184 0.04175 76 68 7 1
4726 You’re all bunged up. My remedy for that comes with a twist. 1.1184 0.04576 76 69 5 2
4727 It’s three times in your 30s, four in your 40s, five in your 50s. 1.1184 0.03731 76 67 9 0
4728 Relax. At your age it hurts less than a colonoscopy. 1.1184 0.03731 76 67 9 0
4729 Wine:Doctor, Can you use me as a drug? Doctor: Wine is a type of alcoholic beverae, but it cannot be used as a drug. Basharmal Qazi, Chicago, IL 1.1184 0.04576 76 69 5 2
4730 It’s a simple procedure. We’ll be in and out in no time. 1.1184 0.04576 76 69 5 2
4731 Before you ask, I will NOT serve as a marinade for whatever that is behind your back! 1.1184 0.04175 76 68 7 1
4732 So you say you were born in 1998 in Bordeaux. I hear that was a very good year.... 1.1184 0.03731 76 67 9 0
4733 I have the perfect remedy to help you out of all your bottled up ailments. 1.1184 0.03731 76 67 9 0
4734 I should have gotten the insurance that covered the Coravin. 1.1176 0.04459 68 61 6 1
4735 "No. I don't have a needle behind my back." 1.1176 0.03936 68 60 8 0
4736 Trust me. This is going to hurt me more than it hurts you. 1.1176 0.04459 68 61 6 1
4737 Trust me. NO ONE will screw you! 1.1176 0.04459 68 61 6 1
4738 Don't worry. Today I'm going to take a different route to your bottom. 1.1176 0.03515 85 75 10 0
4739 I assure you, my intentions are honorable. 1.1176 0.04459 68 61 6 1
4740 We enter through the brain. Just a little sting. 1.1176 0.04459 68 61 6 1
4741 Corkscrew? What corkscrew? 1.1176 0.03936 68 60 8 0
4742 I can recommend something that is still pending FDA approval for your high blood pressure. It works great, but we need just one more test study to prove its efficacy. 1.1176 0.03515 85 75 10 0
4743 I read your sad symptoms. but can cure this! Just lie on the table with your head down off the end. I will then screw you, and remove your large blockage." 1.1176 0.03936 68 60 8 0
4744 Screw up your courage. We'll make a stiff drink out of you yet. 1.1176 0.04927 68 62 4 2
4745 Your cousin the raisin is jealous, your sister is lost in a meritage, an your brother remains in a jam; count your blessings! 1.1176 0.03936 68 60 8 0
4746 Look on the bright side - you've officially aged for 12 years! Time for your YPP (young pinot preservation) shot! 1.1176 0.04459 68 61 6 1
4747 I'd never hurt you. It would upset the wine. 1.1170 0.04240 94 86 5 3
4748 Now, this won't hurt a bit. Soon, you'll breathe better. 1.1169 0.04519 77 70 5 2
4749 I'm a Professional Gynecologist, believe me, I know what I'm going. 1.1169 0.04882 77 71 3 3
4750 Good News Mr. SanGiovese! The insurance company did approve our corking fee after all! 1.1169 0.04123 77 69 7 1
4751 How could you? I'm the last of my kind. No more pretty vineyard label for you to swoon over. 1.1169 0.03685 77 68 9 0
4752 Hello LGBTQWERTY Biden - Trying to pass for whiskey again ? 1.1169 0.04123 77 69 7 1
4753 It's no worse than what the IRS is doing to my business, buddy. 1.1169 0.04123 77 69 7 1
4754 Oh, come on, you knew this was bound to happen when you chose to wear a vintage design. 1.1169 0.03685 77 68 9 0
4755 Now, this *is* going to hurt. 1.1167 0.04179 60 53 7 0
4756 Consider it a biopsy. 1.1163 0.03477 86 76 10 0
4757 Why?! 1.1163 0.03477 86 76 10 0
4758 This ought to put a little spring into your pep. 1.1163 0.03850 86 77 8 1
4759 Turns out that joke about rather having a bottle in front of me than fontal lobotomy wasn't either-or. 1.1163 0.03850 86 77 8 1
4760 A man of your vintage must be ready to have his prostate examined 1.1159 0.04397 69 62 6 1
4761 I'm absolutely certain I'll be able to help you breathe. 1.1159 0.03882 69 61 8 0
4762 Actually, we have a solution for aging that is quite straightforward. 1.1159 0.04858 69 63 4 2
4763 I assure you Mr. Pineau, such a procedure is purely routine. 1.1159 0.03882 69 61 8 0
4764 Ready to get screwed? 1.1159 0.05278 69 64 2 3
4765 It's a simple procedure, Miss Vino" "You'll feel a little prick and then I'll screw your brains out. 1.1159 0.04397 69 62 6 1
4766 My goodness, you are such an attractive health insurance company. 1.1159 0.04397 69 62 6 1
4767 You're going to feel some pressure." 1.1159 0.04858 69 63 4 2
4768 I have just the thing for constipation. 1.1159 0.03882 69 61 8 0
4769 Oh, you'll just feel a little pressure but then all the fluid will be drained. 1.1159 0.04397 69 62 6 1
4770 I always wanted to perform .a frontal lobotomy on a bottle in front of me. 1.1159 0.04397 69 62 6 1
4771 Highflalutin vintage? What was the bet on your shelf life? 1.1159 0.04397 69 62 6 1
4772 Stop wining. All you will feel is a little pinch. 1.1159 0.04397 69 62 6 1
4773 But doctor, I'm a screw top! 1.1159 0.04397 69 62 6 1
4774 Okay, bend over, it will just take a second to remove your plug up. 1.1154 0.03641 78 69 9 0
4775 Stop whining and be open to the experience. 1.1154 0.04073 78 70 7 1
4776 Now, now. Let's have no more threats of popping your cork. 1.1154 0.03641 78 69 9 0
4777 This won't hurt a bit. Just think of it as an enema, with a twist... 1.1154 0.04463 78 71 5 2
4778 It's safe and effective. Trust me. 1.1154 0.05249 52 47 4 1
4779 We need to relieve all that pressure built up inside of you. 1.1154 0.03641 78 69 9 0
4780 It’s routine once you reach maturity. I promise you won’t feel a thing. We’ll remove any floaters, re-cork you, and look again in 10 years. 1.1154 0.04073 78 70 7 1
4781 There's really nothing to worry about, Mr. Shiraz: you'll just feel a small, sharp pinch and then shortly after you'll feel nothing at all. 1.1154 0.04474 52 46 6 0
4782 I have come for my cup of cheer. 1.1149 0.03439 87 77 10 0
4783 It's a sham pain, you won't actually feel a thing. 1.1148 0.04115 61 54 7 0
4784 Just imagine you are a female pig and you will enjoy what happens next. 1.1148 0.04732 61 55 5 1
4785 Either I pop your cork now or down the road it's Alcoholics Anonymous 1.1148 0.04732 61 55 5 1
4786 I am a real doctor. You totally need this procedure. This will only benefit you, not me! 1.1148 0.04115 61 54 7 0
4787 Yes, we have the designer replacement caps in." 1.1143 0.04337 70 63 6 1
4788 If this doesn't work, our next option is to put you in a shoe and hit you against the wall. 1.1143 0.04337 70 63 6 1
4789 Wine Bottle's Check-up: When the doctor's prescription comes with a twist! 1.1143 0.04337 70 63 6 1
4790 We'll put you out for a few minutes. Just bend over on your side and we can start your colonoscopy. 1.1143 0.04337 70 63 6 1
4791 You know that your destiny as a wine bottle is to be opened. It won't hurt and it will make people happy. 1.1143 0.04337 70 63 6 1
4792 It'll be just like a little mosquito bite. 1.1143 0.03830 70 62 8 0
4793 Your at an age now where we may need to open you up. 1.1143 0.03830 70 62 8 0
4794 We're known for vintage diagnostics, but with a twist. 1.1143 0.03830 70 62 8 0
4795 You’re a bit too full-bodied than I’d like. 1.1143 0.03830 70 62 8 0
4796 This is nothing compared to what your insurance company is going to do to you. 1.1143 0.04337 70 63 6 1
4797 Stop whining. It's not my fault your insurance doesn't cover anaesthetics 1.1143 0.04791 70 64 4 2
4798 First, the good news... 1.1139 0.04023 79 71 7 1
4799 This will blow your mind. 1.1139 0.04023 79 71 7 1
4800 Don't worry, you'll be screwed again when you see the bill. 1.1139 0.03597 79 70 9 0
4801 Don't worry. You'll only feel a little prick. 1.1139 0.03597 79 70 9 0
4802 I promise, you'll feel a lot better after a good ducking. 1.1139 0.03597 79 70 9 0
4803 Now we're not going to hurt you, we just want to take a small sample of you're internal juices! 1.1136 0.04406 88 81 4 3
4804 You've reached the age to rlease some esters. 1.1136 0.03767 88 79 8 1
4805 You'll feel a little sting—but no worse than lancing a boil, popping a pimple or pulling a tooth. 1.1136 0.03767 88 79 8 1
4806 Just because you say "put a cork in it" doesn't mean we can't share. 1.1129 0.04052 62 55 7 0
4807 It's just a simple test. It will pinch just a little bit... 1.1129 0.05196 62 57 3 2
4808 And here I was, only worried about bad surprises with my insurance coverage. When will I learn? 1.1129 0.04659 62 56 5 1
4809 Sorry, but you're about to get screwed. 1.1127 0.04279 71 64 6 1
4810 No worries! The prep is the worst part. 1.1127 0.03779 71 63 8 0
4811 No need to worry - we just need a small sample. 1.1127 0.04726 71 65 4 2
4812 Not to worry. The sediment removal process is a fairly painless procedure. 1.1127 0.04279 71 64 6 1
4813 Are you ready to go ice fishing? 1.1127 0.04279 71 64 6 1
4814 DO NOT WORRY, CORK REMOVAL IS IMPORTANT TO OUR...YOUR HEALTH. 1.1127 0.04279 71 64 6 1
4815 Well given your age, you’re at a higher risk for tannins, but let’s take a look and see shall we? 1.1127 0.04279 71 64 6 1
4816 Now, don't whine. You'll be back on your punt before you know it. 1.1125 0.03975 80 72 7 1
4817 Corky, this is the only way I can see what's inside. 1.1125 0.03555 80 71 9 0
4818 My team of close colleagues are certain your testing will be a great success! 1.1125 0.03555 80 71 9 0
4819 No, I asked for some hay, not a somellier. 1.1125 0.03555 80 71 9 0
4820 Why would you think that I want to screw you? You are my whining buddy 1.1125 0.03555 80 71 9 0
4821 Think of it as the first day of the rest of your life. 1.1125 0.03975 80 72 7 1
4822 No time for laxatives. 1.1124 0.04358 89 82 4 3
4823 Whoever told you that you get better with age was lying. 1.1111 0.03514 81 72 9 0
4824 I'm afraid that you have a blockage and we need to clear it. We'll celebrate afterwards. 1.1111 0.04588 63 57 5 1
4825 I'm practicing how to do a colonoscopy . 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
4826 Think of this as a reverse transfusion. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
4827 At your age, I recommend a colonoscopy ! 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
4828 You are keeping your feelings and emotions all bottled up creating high pressure. I've the appropriate remedy for that. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
4829 This should relieve the pressure; now a few of us here might be a little under the weather for the next few days, ha-ha-ha... 1.1111 0.03928 81 73 7 1
4830 Dont look lso worried. You won't get screwed. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
4831 Why certainly not. I just want a friendly Platonic relationship. 1.1111 0.03991 63 56 7 0
4832 Just a little prick and then it’ll be all over. 1.1111 0.03991 63 56 7 0
4833 Don't worry. You'll only feel a pinch. 1.1111 0.03514 81 72 9 0
4834 Your insurance won't cover the extraction, luckily we offer a cheaper alternative. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
4835 No, actually this has way fewer complications than the Heimlich maneuver. 1.1111 0.04588 63 57 5 1
4836 I’d like to try a new procedure, pioneered in France . . . 1.1111 0.03514 81 72 9 0
4837 Assume the position. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
4838 Don't worry, the biopsy will only cause mild discomfort. 1.1111 0.04588 63 57 5 1
4839 Now I’m going to open you up, but it’s a small corkscrew and I promise it won’t hurt 1.1111 0.04648 81 75 3 3
4840 You may feel a slight pinch, but this will definitely relieve some of that cranial pressure we've been experiencing. Ready to begin? 1.1098 0.03883 82 74 7 1
4841 Don't worry - you're not going to get screwed by THIS doctor. 1.1096 0.03681 73 65 8 0
4842 Now if you'll just bend over and cough... 1.1096 0.04166 73 66 6 1
4843 I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than... 1.1096 0.04166 73 66 6 1
4844 Oh, my! Aren't WE corked up today!? No need to worry. You won't feel a thing. I promise. 1.1096 0.04166 73 66 6 1
4845 But first I'll need to draw a little sample... 1.1096 0.04166 73 66 6 1
4846 No, a lobotomy is a much different procedure. 1.1096 0.03681 73 65 8 0
4847 I see that you’re scared. But this is the only way I’m afraid. I’ve got five more patients left to see and the coffee’s not working the way it used to. 1.1096 0.04600 73 67 4 2
4848 We call it trepanning... a painless procedure. 1.1096 0.03681 73 65 8 0
4849 I have a new procedure that is guaranteed to relieve the pressure you've been experiencing 1.1096 0.03681 73 65 8 0
4850 Look at it this way. No longer virgin grapes. 1.1094 0.03932 64 57 7 0
4851 Ok, now just close your eyes and bend over, this won’t hurt a bit. 1.1094 0.05038 64 59 3 2
4852 I can always put the cork back in 1.1094 0.04519 64 58 5 1
4853 I promise this won 1.1094 0.04519 64 58 5 1
4854 This procedure will give you a headache but it's a 100 % cure for your bottled -up feeling. 1.1094 0.03932 64 57 7 0
4855 it’ll only be a pinch 1.1094 0.05038 64 59 3 2
4856 Okay, time to bend over… 1.1091 0.04242 55 49 6 0
4857 Yes- like I promised- no needles today. 1.1091 0.04973 55 50 4 1
4858 Isn’t it ironic that today you take your pants off for me… 1.1087 0.03610 92 83 8 1
4859 Okay guys, since Pluto isn’t a planet anymore we can’t play 9 ball only 8 ball” I know this was for a couple weeks ago but I just thought of it and it’s too funny?and no, I’m not talking about an 8 ball of cocaine… get your mind out of the gutte 1.1087 0.03927 92 84 6 2
4860 Don’t worry, you’ll hear a pop, and it’ll hurt for only a second. 1.1081 0.04112 74 67 6 1
4861 I'll just need to take a little fluid sample. 1.1081 0.04112 74 67 6 1
4862 It will hurt,m but it's a cure 1.1081 0.04112 74 67 6 1
4863 . . . just a slight prick; you won't feel a thing--but we will. 1.1081 0.03634 74 66 8 0
4864 Good news! We found the cause of your headaches. You just hold still while we relieve the pressure. 1.1081 0.04112 74 67 6 1
4865 Don’t worry: you’re getting our HMO’s most popular treatment! Now, bend over. 1.1081 0.03634 74 66 8 0
4866 The anesthetic will insure you don’t feel screwed and drained… until you get the bills. 1.1081 0.04112 74 67 6 1
4867 Good news, Mr. Vino! Just a quick incision is needed. 1.1081 0.03634 74 66 8 0
4868 It might make you whine. 1.1077 0.03875 65 58 7 0
4869 You may have Bordeaux-line Personality Disorder. I recommend a follow up with Dr Decanter 1.1077 0.05426 65 61 1 3
4870 You'll only feel a little pinch, and then I promise that overfull feeling will be completely gone for good. 1.1077 0.04452 65 59 5 1
4871 Turn around, bend over, put your elbows on the table, and cough. 1.1077 0.04452 65 59 5 1
4872 Don't worry, this won't hurt at all. 1.1077 0.03875 65 58 7 0
4873 This won’t hurt one bit - it’s a simple incision and drainage. 1.1077 0.04452 65 59 5 1
4874 Huh? I don’t speak doctor, only French 1.1077 0.03875 65 58 7 0
4875 I would like to test how well you have aged since I last saw you. I promise the test won't hurt. 1.1071 0.04155 84 77 5 2
4876 Quick pinch 1.1067 0.03588 75 67 8 0
4877 Good news! I can help you stop bottling up all those emotions! 1.1067 0.03588 75 67 8 0
4878 You should open up and stop whinin' about it... 1.1067 0.04060 75 68 6 1
4879 Good news ... For me! You have HMO! 1.1067 0.04482 75 69 4 2
4880 I think we'll all taste much better after you've had some time to breathe a bit. 1.1067 0.03588 75 67 8 0
4881 Dear Doctor, They have me too much, can you please help me? 1.1067 0.03588 75 67 8 0
4882 YOU’RE GOOD FOR PEOPLE The relatively few brain cells you kill are a reasonable trade off 1.1067 0.04060 75 68 6 1
4883 First let me assure you that, as a ‘top shelf’ varietal, your insurance will cover a corkotomy. 1.1067 0.03588 75 67 8 0
4884 I’m not big enough or strong enough to use this corkscrew to remove your cork. So why am I hiding it? 1.1067 0.04060 75 68 6 1
4885 "Actually, if your head is really spinning, that's even better." 1.1061 0.03819 66 59 7 0
4886 This won't hurt (promise) 1.1061 0.04387 66 60 5 1
4887 We're Making America Grape Again. You might feel a little pinch. Trust me... heh, heh, heh... 1.1061 0.03819 66 59 7 0
4888 I think a full cleansing is exactly what’s needed. 1.1061 0.03819 66 59 7 0
4889 ''You'll be able to breathe for about an hour in recovery.'' 1.1061 0.03819 66 59 7 0
4890 In order to perform the necessary brain surgery, we will need to insert a screw. 1.1061 0.03819 66 59 7 0
4891 For a 50 year Burgundy? No,not a colonoscopy... 1.1061 0.04387 66 60 5 1
4892 Let's say, this would make you feel a bit relieved... 1.1061 0.04890 66 61 3 2
4893 Your reaction could best be described as another type of "bottle shock". 1.1061 0.04387 66 60 5 1
4894 Yes, so, umm, your father would like your cork out so you will look just like his, mmm, him. 1.1059 0.04108 85 78 5 2
4895 This will hurt me more than you. 1.1059 0.03751 85 77 7 1
4896 No. The doctor who wants to suck your blood has fangs. 1.1059 0.03751 85 77 7 1
4897 Are you ready for your tasting? Uh...I meant your checkup. 1.1053 0.03544 76 68 8 0
4898 Now, now, don't worry. This won't hurt a bit. Just close your eyes and count to 10... 1.1053 0.04805 57 52 4 1
4899 WHAT cork remover behind my back! Why that's the screwiest thing I've ever heard. 1.1053 0.04008 76 69 6 1
4900 No, I'm not screwing around with you. This won't hurt at all, and you'll feel much lighter afterwards. 1.1053 0.04008 76 69 6 1
4901 Sorry you thought I said Grand Cru… 1.1053 0.03544 76 68 8 0
4902 …and you think your insurance company screws you? 1.1053 0.04008 76 69 6 1
4903 I'm afraid that you are about to get screwed 1.1053 0.04424 76 70 4 2
4904 Remember yesterday when you told me to go screw myself 1.1053 0.03544 76 68 8 0
4905 Oh, it won't hurt going in, but you'll feel some tugging coming out. 1.1053 0.03544 76 68 8 0
4906 This will open a new vista for you. 1.1047 0.03709 86 78 7 1
4907 Let's play a game - ever hear of spin the bottle? 1.1045 0.04324 67 61 5 1
4908 There will be just a little pop and then all of it will be over. 1.1045 0.03765 67 60 7 0
4909 Don't worry, you have gone through extraction before. 1.1045 0.03765 67 60 7 0
4910 For the health of the medical staff we’re going to need to preform deconstructive surgery 1.1045 0.03765 67 60 7 0
4911 I promise it won't hurt a bit, and you'll feel much better without that nasty cork in you. 1.1045 0.03765 67 60 7 0
4912 The good news is that we're celebrating that I figured out your condition... 1.1045 0.03765 67 60 7 0
4913 We are just going to take a little bit, don't worry. 1.1045 0.03765 67 60 7 0
4914 Look, Mr. "Vino," if that's your name; someone's going to get screwed here, and it's not going to be me!" 1.1039 0.03500 77 69 8 0
4915 Due to your advanced age, you need to be more open with me 1.1039 0.03958 77 70 6 1
4916 He said care was mutually beneficial, that HIPAA applied to the patient, as well 1.1039 0.03500 77 69 8 0
4917 Before we can get a sample for your lab tests we need to perform a minor procedure. 1.1039 0.03958 77 70 6 1
4918 I ‘m afraid an enema is our best choice. 1.1039 0.03500 77 69 8 0
4919 This injection won’t hurt a bit. Just close you eyes. 1.1039 0.04369 77 71 4 2
4920 This won't hurt a bit! I'm only going to take a little bit off the top! 1.1039 0.03958 77 70 6 1
4921 Rest assured, it’s natural to lose some of your pizzas at your age. 1.1039 0.04369 77 71 4 2
4922 I thought this was a non-invasive procedure. 1.1039 0.03500 77 69 8 0
4923 Let's see if we can't relieve a little of the pressure you are feeling. 1.1039 0.04369 77 71 4 2
4924 Don’t worry, it will just be a little prick. 1.1039 0.03958 77 70 6 1
4925 But this is more accurate than a PSA blood test 1.1034 0.04034 58 52 6 0
4926 You lack subtility? You have come to the right place! 1.1029 0.03713 68 61 7 0
4927 No ma'am, we have never had a single complaint about obstetric violence in this clinic. 1.1029 0.04750 68 63 3 2
4928 One more procedure and we will see how your grapes have aged 1.1029 0.04263 68 62 5 1
4929 Congratulations, it's a girl, with a fine, rose-like bouquet, good balance, and a long, dry finish. She would pair well with meats or fish! 1.1026 0.04314 78 72 4 2
4930 You can come down Randle, everyone basically agrees nurse Ratched went way too far. 1.1026 0.03909 78 71 6 1
4931 I've got just the trick to make you feel better, i'll screw it out 1.1026 0.03457 78 70 8 0
4932 Please use plenty of lube 1.1023 0.03249 88 79 9 0
4933 don't you want to get to know me? 1.1014 0.04203 69 63 5 1
4934 Good news! I have just the thing to remove the pressure behind your eyes. When were you born again? 1.1014 0.04203 69 63 5 1
4935 Son, if you hope to get into med school, you should tweak your persona a bit! 1.1014 0.04203 69 63 5 1
4936 Yes, we can guarantee you a refill, but not the vintage or year 1.1014 0.04203 69 63 5 1
4937 I'm sure we can get that blockage to pop right out. 1.1014 0.04203 69 63 5 1
4938 Joe and I matured in the cellar. 1.1014 0.04203 69 63 5 1
4939 No special occasion. Just a good time to open you up and study your terroir. 1.1014 0.04683 69 64 3 2
4940 I am cork certified. This will be painless, and you will be able to breathe again for the first time in five years. 1.1014 0.03661 69 62 7 0
4941 Once you plop, you never stop 1.1014 0.03661 69 62 7 0
4942 No, I'm not a teetotaler. Why do you ask? 1.1013 0.03862 79 72 6 1
4943 I understand you have been having headaches? I will release the pain for you !!! 1.1013 0.03862 79 72 6 1
4944 I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you're screwed. 1.1013 0.03416 79 71 8 0
4945 Now just lie back and think of England. 1.1013 0.03416 79 71 8 0
4946 You say you're having trouble breathing?... 1.1013 0.04261 79 73 4 2
4947 Have you tried alternative medicines for your migraine? I would recommend acupuncture! 1.1013 0.03862 79 72 6 1
4948 Not to worry Mon Ami, I studied at the Ecole du vin à Bordeaux! 1.1000 0.04572 60 55 4 1
4949 Post surgery complications are minimal but you may experience major cranial discomfort. 1.1000 0.03815 80 73 6 1
4950 Just a little pinprick There'll be no more, ah But you may feel a little sick Can you stand up? I do believe it's working, good. That'll keep you going through the show Come on, it's time to go 1.1000 0.05153 60 56 2 2
4951 Don't screw around with me Dr. Is this gonna hurt?" Edgar Zapata, Orlando F 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
4952 ''I wouldn't call the procedure a phlebotomy per se.'' 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
4953 You'll just feel a little pinch of head space. 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
4954 You dare! 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
4955 A customer would like to get you a little tipsy 1.1000 0.03375 80 72 8 0
4956 My liver or your cork? The cork has to go. 1.1000 0.03906 60 54 6 0
4957 The customer says she wants a wine with a good nose. 1.1000 0.03815 80 73 6 1
4958 I will not lie this will hurt. 1.1000 0.04572 60 55 4 1
4959 Now now there’s nothing to fear! This is routine testing ordered by the FDIC in light of SVB. 1.1000 0.04145 70 64 5 1
4960 Your medical records say you tried wine-flavored gum at the Wonka Factory and haven’t been the same since? 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
4961 It’s high time the Apple a day adage was upgraded to be more inclusive! 1.1000 0.03906 60 54 6 0
4962 You heard the saying " your screwed " , well you will be screwed in 2 minutes 1.0988 0.04159 81 75 4 2
4963 I’m afraid, Mr. Merlot, that we have run out of options… We’re going to have to remove your cork. 1.0988 0.03770 81 74 6 1
4964 Stop being such a winer! It's a simple procedure. We go in through the cork. And don't keep your feelings bottled up. I used to specialize in aardvark husbandry, but then I realized I'm a drunk! hic! I see you don't enjoy my vintage humor! Burrrrp! 1.0988 0.04159 81 75 4 2
4965 A much bigger screw-up awaits you! 1.0988 0.03336 81 73 8 0
4966 You will feel wine in no time. 1.0988 0.03336 81 73 8 0
4967 I reassure you, this might be the most relaxed I'll ever be during a head surgery! 1.0988 0.03336 81 73 8 0
4968 Well you're aging nicely. Now you're just gonna feel a little pinch. 1.0986 0.04089 71 65 5 1
4969 We need to celebrate your mental breakthrough. 1.0986 0.04089 71 65 5 1
4970 Don't worry. It won't hurt THAT much. 1.0986 0.04555 71 66 3 2
4971 Please don't think of this as a screwing. It's more an opening up and letting you breathe. 1.0986 0.03563 71 64 7 0
4972 If you tell me who wined about my long-waiting clinic time, then I will give you this extra tall ice cream. 1.0986 0.04089 71 65 5 1
4973 I can perform a screwectomy 1.0986 0.03563 71 64 7 0
4974 Now just a quick procedure, followed by some breathing and relaxation exercises at home. There really nothing more I can do and these symptoms are normal for a woman of your vintage. 1.0986 0.04089 71 65 5 1
4975 Newer, easier colonoscopy that starts at the neck. 1.0976 0.03297 82 74 8 0
4976 Your old enough and it's painless; just like a root canal. And we all make a toast afterwards to your extinction. 1.0972 0.04034 72 66 5 1
4977 Remember the 'Fusilli Jerry' episode....? 1.0972 0.03516 72 65 7 0
4978 I warned you about whining. You should have put a cork in it. Now you are screwed! 1.0972 0.03516 72 65 7 0
4979 Now, you’re going to feel a little pressure when I push down. Don’t worry, that’s completely normal. 1.0972 0.04034 72 66 5 1
4980 You’re fine now but one day you will experience a great loss in pressure…I’m sorry, You have between one day and twelve years to live… 1.0968 0.03441 93 85 7 1
4981 Don't worry. Just a little pinch and you'll be up and out in no time. 1.0968 0.04429 62 57 4 1
4982 What? Why in the world do you think you’re screwed? 1.0968 0.03785 62 56 6 0
4983 This won't hurt unless your cork is artificial. 1.0968 0.03785 62 56 6 0
4984 I warned you what was going to happen if I caught you sitting up one more time. 1.0964 0.03682 83 76 6 1
4985 You're probably wondering why they call me a proctologist. 1.0964 0.03259 83 75 8 0
4986 I have just the remedy to release what's all bottled up inside you. 1.0959 0.03981 73 67 5 1
4987 Ever played 'Spin the Bottle'? 1.0959 0.03981 73 67 5 1
4988 No need to spill your guts to me... 1.0959 0.03981 73 67 5 1
4989 I’m going to uncork you and let you breathe for awhile. Then I’ll examine to see if your nose is as good as they say. 1.0959 0.03470 73 66 7 0
4990 Are you familiar with the story of Dracula, Mr Noir? 1.0959 0.03981 73 67 5 1
4991 I provide a frontal lobotomy for any bottle in front of me. 1.0959 0.03981 73 67 5 1
4992 Buttocks examination? What makes you think I'm going near your rear end? 1.0959 0.03981 73 67 5 1
4993 Hello, ready for a Quick game of, 'Pop goes the Weasel' ? 1.0959 0.03470 73 66 7 0
4994 This is going to hurt you more than it does me. 1.0959 0.03470 73 66 7 0
4995 No, it's not painful--less painful than foil cutting and I'll bet you don't even remember that! 1.0952 0.04361 63 58 4 1
4996 This is going to hurt me more than it hurts you 1.0952 0.04361 63 58 4 1
4997 I do love corks compared to the scewtops! 1.0952 0.04361 63 58 4 1
4998 Most nights I’m just a gummy bear 1.0952 0.03728 63 57 6 0
4999 But think of all of the lives you’ll get to save. 1.0952 0.04361 63 58 4 1
5000 Don't worry, I've been doing this for years. We'll have that stuck cork out in no time. 1.0946 0.03425 74 67 7 0
5001 Congested? Dr. Decanter has the cure to help wine breathe. 1.0946 0.03425 74 67 7 0
5002 Hello names Juliani have a petition for the court 1.0946 0.03929 74 68 5 1
5003 "I know this won't be pleasant but I love your bouquet and you're about to be screwed. 1.0946 0.03425 74 67 7 0
5004 Have you ever heard of ‘trepanation?’ 1.0946 0.03929 74 68 5 1
5005 Please understand, it’s our anniversary tonight 1.0943 0.04867 53 49 3 1
5006 From the tests we gave you, there is absolutely nothing wrong with your brain. We just want to take a teeny little peek inside to make sure! 1.0941 0.03186 85 77 8 0
5007 Oh, no. Not the bum." 1.0938 0.04295 64 59 4 1
5008 Let's just get this over with and then we can discuss your test results while we enjoy some cheese and crackers. 1.0933 0.03878 75 69 5 1
5009 Myself, I'm a recovering alcoholic, but screw it. 1.0933 0.03382 75 68 7 0
5010 Just sip back and relax, it'll be over in no time. 1.0933 0.03382 75 68 7 0
5011 You're just being needlessly paranoid. I can assure you that the American health care system is NOT out to screw you. 1.0933 0.03382 75 68 7 0
5012 I have good news, your condition is terminally delicious and it runs in your family. 1.0933 0.03878 75 69 5 1
5013 Most wine is consumed within a few weeks of purchase. Stop acting like you have tenure 1.0933 0.04318 75 70 3 2
5014 I need to relieve the pressure building up inside your skull. 1.0933 0.03382 75 68 7 0
5015 I’m sorry. The x ray shows a blockage that needs to removed at once. 1.0933 0.03878 75 69 5 1
5016 Best to just let those memories breathe…. 1.0933 0.03382 75 68 7 0
5017 I completely understand, you've had a hard life; left out to dry, pulled and yanked on constantly, even trampled and crushed. In these moments of reflection, I often times find my own self saying 'screw it!', it helps release the pressure. 1.0930 0.03151 86 78 8 0
5018 Now back to why I think a general anesthesia would be best... 1.0923 0.04231 65 60 4 1
5019 Good news! I have the perfect cure your worries about aging! 1.0923 0.04231 65 60 4 1
5020 It’s 300% more effective than both fiber and prunes. 1.0923 0.03618 65 59 6 0
5021 Oh, this? I use this on my human patients, too. Don't worry. 1.0923 0.04231 65 60 4 1
5022 You'll feel a little bit of a pinch, then a twisting sensation, then I -- I mean you -- won't feel any pain at all. 1.0923 0.04231 65 60 4 1
5023 Why do you want me to cough? 1.0921 0.03829 76 70 5 1
5024 It's not all about the resveratrol! 1.0921 0.03339 76 69 7 0
5025 Sorry, your insurance only covers screw tops 1.0921 0.03339 76 69 7 0
5026 You say you identify as a whiskey? Well, all we need to do is chemically castrate you, and slice up your private parts. And unlike drinking whiskey, you don't have to be anywhere close to 21 to get this done. You Democrats are sick and depraved. 1.0920 0.03519 87 80 6 1
5027 Sorry, I'm doing 'No Merlot' March. 1.0909 0.03298 77 70 7 0
5028 Welcome to our Grand Opening! 1.0909 0.04695 66 62 2 2
5029 Trust me, I'm a doctor. Now, turn your head and cough. 1.0909 0.03912 55 50 5 0
5030 You're going to screw me over, aren't you? Nothing of the kind. I'm just going to clear the passageway, so your vital fluids flow more freely. 1.0909 0.03780 77 71 5 1
5031 I can relive the pressure, and you'll feel just a little stick. 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
5032 This is an unsubtle metaphor for how the American for-profit healthcare system screws you. 1.0909 0.04169 66 61 4 1
5033 If you've been in the cellar too long, I'm afraid we'll have to check your taste. 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
5034 Don't worry- you'll just feel a little prick. 1.0909 0.04695 66 62 2 2
5035 First we'll drain the neck and then I think we'll both feel a lot better 1.0897 0.03257 78 71 7 0
5036 You only need some air. 1.0897 0.03257 78 71 7 0
5037 A simple corkectomy will fix that. Just close your eyes. 1.0897 0.03734 78 72 5 1
5038 It's time you released your inner spirit.. 1.0896 0.04108 67 62 4 1
5039 Time for research, old friend. 1.0896 0.03515 67 61 6 0
5040 ... but we did eventually find a way to get your wife's child out! 1.0896 0.03515 67 61 6 0
5041 Now now, you’ll be fine… it’s not a lobotomy (wink wink). Just our regular prostate check. And I’ll be gentle as always… 1.0896 0.04108 67 62 4 1
5042 Now lay down and roll over, this will only hurt for a minute. 1.0896 0.03515 67 61 6 0
5043 I assure you you'll breathe much easier once the procedure is complete. 1.0886 0.03218 79 72 7 0
5044 Yes, I can assure you that five minutes seated in front of my machine will cure your alcoholism. 1.0886 0.03688 79 73 5 1
5045 Avoiding an auger is absolutely understandable but never augurs well. 1.0886 0.03218 79 72 7 0
5046 kdjf;kl 1.0882 0.03465 68 62 6 0
5047 just a routine check-up today, okay? 1.0882 0.04049 68 63 4 1
5048 I'm just going to get the cork loose. 1.0882 0.03465 68 62 6 0
5049 You will only feel some discomfort. 1.0875 0.03643 80 74 5 1
5050 Just hold your breath and then you can breathe 1.0870 0.03417 69 63 6 0
5051 I'll put just the tip in. 1.0870 0.03417 69 63 6 0
5052 This will relieve your pressure and mine with one simple procedure. 1.0870 0.03417 69 63 6 0
5053 Won’t hurt a bit 1.0870 0.02954 92 84 8 0
5054 I promised no needled this time..now relax, and breathe... 1.0870 0.03992 69 64 4 1
5055 You’ll just feel some slight pressure. 1.0870 0.03417 69 63 6 0
5056 Yes, you're vintage. But this is one of those times when being over 50 works against you. 1.0870 0.03417 69 63 6 0
5057 And Dr. Curedit ended his day with a forced smile, knowing 1 cup/ week was a likely oversell. 1.0870 0.03417 69 63 6 0
5058 Nice to know you've reincarnated, President Nixon. But I'm still going to verify that you haven't gone bad---again. 1.0864 0.04005 81 76 3 2
5059 What makes you think that I'm a oenophobe? 1.0864 0.03141 81 74 7 0
5060 This should be a fairly straightforward procedure. 1.0857 0.03370 70 64 6 0
5061 I am Doctor Sommelier and I want to check your polysaccharide and tannin levels using the decantation test. 1.0857 0.03937 70 65 4 1
5062 Hello, my name is Dr. Nassar, and understand you're coming of age... 1.0857 0.03937 70 65 4 1
5063 No no, it’s nothing like a lobotomy! 1.0857 0.03370 70 64 6 0
5064 The procedure won't an invasive bottom intervention. 1.0857 0.03370 70 64 6 0
5065 This won't hurt a bit. We'll make a little insertion, eliminate the blockage to let you breathe a bit, then gradually drain away all that old liquid. 1.0851 0.02894 94 86 8 0
5066 Just a little brain surgery, to relieve te pressure. 1.0847 0.04384 59 55 3 1
5067 Hah, well yes, it is easier for screw off's! 1.0847 0.03657 59 54 5 0
5068 Time for your yearly exam.. Bend over, touch your bottom. 1.0845 0.03324 71 65 6 0
5069 Let's give you a taste of your own medicine. 1.0845 0.03324 71 65 6 0
5070 I'm not trying to screw you at all. 1.0845 0.03324 71 65 6 0
5071 Please stop your begging. Robert Parker says you're fully mature and ready to drink. 1.0833 0.03830 72 67 4 1
5072 Screwed? Not necessarily. 1.0833 0.03598 60 55 5 0
5073 You'll be drunk so it won't hurt a bit! 1.0833 0.03598 60 55 5 0
5074 You never have to worry about GAS, son!!, doctor knows this endoscopy procedure. 1.0833 0.03280 72 66 6 0
5075 Yes, I guess "You've aged like a fine wine" isn't exactly a good thing in your case. 1.0824 0.03435 85 79 5 1
5076 As Jeff Dunham said through Achmed the Dead Terrorist, "Silence, I keel you!" Of course, he wasn't talking about a living wine bottle. He was talking about freedom-loving Americans like me. Good folks who'd buy tickets to a Dunham show. "I keel you." 1.0822 0.04253 73 69 2 2
5077 I may have something for your splitting headaches, but you might be out cold for a while. 1.0822 0.04253 73 69 2 2
5078 Sorry, but you’re a perfect fit for Mr. Trump’s Eat Californian Liberals for Lunch Menu! 1.0820 0.04243 61 57 3 1
5079 I think I can help with the pressure you feel and all of your emotion you have bottled up. 1.0820 0.04243 61 57 3 1
5080 Bad news is your screwed. Good news is the resection only requires a POP! 1.0811 0.03195 74 68 6 0
5081 No fractures, just localized edema. How about a complementary palliative circumduction angioplasty to check your EtOH? 1.0806 0.03486 62 57 5 0
5082 You're about to get screwed. It's a karma thing. You've provided this opportunity to thousands before you! 1.0800 0.03154 75 69 6 0
5083 There's nothing to worry about. This won't hurt a bit, my wife's making steak, and I can sleep in until noon tomorrow. 1.0800 0.03681 75 70 4 1
5084 Don't worry, this won't hurt a bit, Mr. Nebuchadnezzar 1.0800 0.03154 75 69 6 0
5085 I need you to breathe. 1.0794 0.03433 63 58 5 0
5086 I'm here to not put a cork in it, so please no whining 1.0781 0.03381 64 59 5 0
5087 Coola boola. Trouble with your Cork? Best be doggie wide then, and ready for gaffing. 1.0781 0.03381 64 59 5 0
5088 IM HERE TO FREE YOUR INNER SELF 1.0781 0.03381 64 59 5 0
5089 I have the perfect instrument to relieve your fullness 1.0781 0.04049 64 60 3 1
5090 your main concern ought be remaining calm when a bottle of white wants to contest your reign as the most healthy color of grape. 1.0779 0.03075 77 71 6 0
5091 You may feel a slight pinch 1.0769 0.03331 65 60 5 0
5092 You are so screwed..... 1.0769 0.03543 78 73 4 1
5093 No need to fret, you already made it through the bunghole. Now this will allow you to breathe. 1.0769 0.03331 65 60 5 0
5094 I'm going to screw you. 1.0769 0.03988 65 61 3 1
5095 You should be relieved to know that I have the perfect remedy to yeet that right out 1.0769 0.03331 65 60 5 0
5096 I never drink alcohol, yet I do enjoy a bottle of wine from time to time. You’ll see what I mean! 1.0759 0.03499 79 74 4 1
5097 Don't worry,no needles today. 1.0758 0.03282 66 61 5 0
5098 Don't worry—I did this procedure yesterday, and Mr. Lamb Loin's been in the pink of health! 1.0750 0.02963 80 74 6 0
5099 I see a bottle in front of me who needs a frontal corkonomy 1.0746 0.03235 67 62 5 0
5100 Generally the recommendation for more mature patients is that we skip the decanting and go straight to the tasting lab. 1.0746 0.03235 67 62 5 0
5101 Happy prostate, happy Mr. Merlot--so let's get on with it, shall we? 1.0746 0.03235 67 62 5 0
5102 For your sake it's a good thing I am not a Proctologist. 1.0746 0.03871 67 63 3 1
5103 Er, yes, we just want to take the cork out for a little sip. Then we'll wedge it right back in; unless, of course, you prefer polymer style--or perhaps, a more elegant glass stopper? Much less chance of cork taint, when you come to think about it! 1.0735 0.03815 68 64 3 1
5104 If you didn't have insurance, I'd just use a hammer. 1.0735 0.03189 68 63 5 0
5105 Champagne: Ouch! Doctor please my legs are in champagne! Doctor: Slurp slurp mwuaahahahahaha 1.0735 0.03189 68 63 5 0
5106 You know, a few more years of marriage, and you'll be a good cleaner. 1.0735 0.03189 68 63 5 0
5107 „I promise, it’s just a little jag and a twist and another twist and a pull and maybe a last small pop. But it won’t hurt much.“ 1.0735 0.03189 68 63 5 0
5108 Bonjour M. Beaujolais Villages! I just need to take a small blood sample before you head off to many Thanksgiving festivities in the U.S. By the way...er...ah...I’m about to do the same. 1.0725 0.03144 69 64 5 0
5109 Once we open you up, I should be feeling no pain.” “Once we open you up, you should be able to breathe much better. 1.0725 0.03144 69 64 5 0
5110 It’s a routine procedure we do when you turn 40. Just take a deep breath and stop wine-ing. 1.0725 0.03144 69 64 5 0
5111 This is going to hurt you more than it will me. 1.0725 0.03144 69 64 5 0
5112 So I says to the guy, I says "I like my covid like I like my women...19 and easily spread!" 1.0714 0.03100 70 65 5 0
5113 FACE UP TO IT, BOURBON DETIORATES THE LONGER IT IS LEFT IN THE BOTTLE, I AM HAPPY TO REMOVE YOR CAP AND CONTENT AND RETURN YOU FOR RECYCLING" 1.0714 0.03100 70 65 5 0
5114 Just consider it like being on a hot date, but in reverse order... 1.0714 0.03709 70 66 3 1
5115 My friend this will help you lose weight. 1.0714 0.03100 70 65 5 0
5116 Since my medical suspension, I am cracking open a whole new world to become a Master sommelier. 1.0706 0.02795 85 79 6 0
5117 Honestly, trepanning is nothing to worry about 1.0704 0.03657 71 67 3 1
5118 A simple outpatient procedure we call the French Miracle...First, we drain all the fluid and then, all-around you share in the benefits. 1.0704 0.03058 71 66 5 0
5119 Please don't do anything crazy, Doctor! I have a beautiful beer bae waiting for me back at the brewery! Let me go! 1.0698 0.03220 86 81 4 1
5120 Yep, now please just bend over and cork— er, cough! I have to see if you have legs. 1.0694 0.03017 72 67 5 0
5121 Okay then, it's time to let the Sidney out of the bottle. Happy now? 1.0694 0.03017 72 67 5 0
5122 It will just feel like a little bee sting 1.0694 0.03017 72 67 5 0
5123 So—let’s see if you have a screw loose. 1.0694 0.03017 72 67 5 0
5124 You will be screwed. 1.0690 0.03356 58 54 4 0
5125 This procedure has been approved by your insurance. 1.0685 0.02977 73 68 5 0
5126 Doctor! I am worried to have lever cirrhosis! 1.0685 0.02977 73 68 5 0
5127 Don't worry, nearly everyone at your age needs to be uncorked to get flowing again! 1.0685 0.02977 73 68 5 0
5128 So, you're under a lot of pressure? 1.0667 0.02900 75 70 5 0
5129 Sorry to break it to you, but recent studies have shown that even moderate drinking is bad for your health, and you're full of it. Time to put a cork in it. 1.0667 0.02900 75 70 5 0
5130 And now you will know why there is Mr in front of my name 1.0658 0.03421 76 72 3 1
5131 Mis-diagnosis 1.0645 0.03145 62 58 4 0
5132 No need to whine 1.0635 0.03097 63 59 4 0
5133 If you don't stop whining, I might screw this up! 1.0635 0.03097 63 59 4 0
5134 Just be glad it's not your colon. 1.0635 0.03097 63 59 4 0
5135 I’ll be happy to help you alleviate the redness. You were born in ‘62, right? 1.0633 0.02757 79 74 5 0
5136 Yes, of course I can replace your stolen cork. But you will need to keep my special straw attached, and bend over whenever I'm thirsty. 1.0625 0.03708 80 77 1 2
5137 It's a once in a lifetime procedure. Just a small poke before the pop! 1.0625 0.03050 64 60 4 0
5138 Hello, big wine bottle! I'm a doctor. If you don't mind, could you please give me some more wine for my patients? 1.0617 0.02691 81 76 5 0
5139 In this office, I only use tried and true procedures, not those Beaujolais techniques! 1.0610 0.02659 82 77 5 0
5140 So, it looks like surgery will be required to relieve that pressure. 1.0588 0.03557 68 65 2 1
5141 No, we don't use those crude procedures anymore. We've got the latest technology". 1.0588 0.02875 68 64 4 0
5142 There will be a minor pinch & burn sensation. Otherwise, you have no restrictions from us for the rest of the day. Feel free to exercise, eat, drive, shower, and do whatever else you had planned. 1.0588 0.02875 68 64 4 0
5143 Stop whining......I will have the pimple out in no time. 1.0580 0.02834 69 65 4 0
5144 Nothing to be afraid of. We're just going to do a simple inpatient tasting ... er, procedure. 1.0575 0.02995 87 83 3 1
5145 Thanks for waiting to be my nightcap...I mean final patient. 1.0563 0.02756 71 67 4 0
5146 Time for your lobotomy! 1.0563 0.02756 71 67 4 0
5147 I have just the thing to help you breathe. It’ll make you feel like a million bucks…or at least two hundred. 1.0556 0.03362 72 69 2 1
5148 It actually helps your heart to drink a little human every day! 1.0548 0.02682 73 69 4 0
5149 No reason to worry, this is a simple office procedure. 1.0541 0.02647 74 70 4 0
5150 What makes you think that I would do that to you? 1.0541 0.02647 74 70 4 0
5151 Sure uncorking is a little uncomfortable, but count your blessings! It’s excruciating if you’re from the champagne region.” Robert Van Brocklin, Portland, Ore 1.0526 0.02578 76 72 4 0
5152 This is just to prevent that your life will gradually decreaese in quality and you will finally be emptied in the sink. 1.0526 0.02578 76 72 4 0
5153 No fears. Proctology is very similar to oenology. 1.0519 0.02546 77 73 4 0
5154 You, my friend, are about to get a giant screwing ! 1.0494 0.02422 81 77 4 0
5155 Now, this will only take a second 1.0494 0.02992 81 78 2 1
5156 How long have you been with me? I would never screw you… 1.0492 0.02792 61 58 3 0
5157 Bloodletting is not as backward as you think. I highly recommend it, given your vintage. 1.0482 0.02365 83 79 4 0
5158 You have been diagnosed with an aromatic nose, full body, and well integrated tannins. Your treatment will pair well with the steak I am having for dinner. 1.0476 0.03526 63 61 1 1
5159 Well, the treatment might cause a temporary headache and make you look anemic, but it will certainly relieve that abdominal pressure.. 1.0448 0.02546 67 64 3 0
5160 Good news! Your insurance will cover "supplemental corkage fees" once you meet your deductible . 1.0441 0.02509 68 65 3 0
5161 Now bend over and close your eyes. 1.0429 0.02438 70 67 3 0
5162 Hello, I'm the substitute for the 100 bottles of beer that were on the wall before it collapsed. 1.0408 0.02856 49 47 2 0
5163 Don't worry- the kids these days do it for fun! 1.0375 0.02137 80 77 3 0
5164 Are you sure? I have a scalpel in my left hand. 1.0333 0.02337 60 58 2 0
5165 After the procedure, you may feel lightheaded and empty inside. 1.0323 0.02262 62 60 2 0
5166 Just a short bit of discomfort and then a wonderful sense of relief of the pressure. 1.0149 0.01504 67 66 1 0
5167 Don't be scared! I will distract you with a lullaby and it will be painless 1.0000 0.01835 55 55 0 0