Contest #844


Cartoon

844


Name Value
Submission deadline -
Voting started -
Voting ended -
Finalists announced -
Magazine(s) announcing finalists issued -
Number of captions 5168
Number of responses 630216
Number of participants -


Dashboard

In this table, the "mean" means the empirically measured average funniness score when the "unfunny", "somewhat funny" and "funny" receive a funniness score of 1, 2, 3 respectively. "Precison" is the standard error of the mean, the standard deviation of the mean estimate. With that, a caption with an empirical mean μ and precision σ has true mean in the range [μ - 2σ, μ + 2σ] with 95% probability by the 68-95-99.7 rule assuming the responses are indepedent and identically distributed.

Rank Caption Mean Precision Total votes "Unfunny" votes "Somewhat funny" votes "Funny" votes
0 You can leave your label on. 1.7878 0.01166 4547 1991 1530 1026
1 First the good news...you've aged well. 1.7799 0.01638 2340 1048 759 533
2 The good news is, you've aged well . . . . 1.7783 0.01990 1502 650 535 317
3 It's standard procedure at your age 1.7755 0.01943 1577 686 559 332
4 It's a routine procedure, but I would recommend someone drive me home afterwards. 1.7584 0.01956 1668 782 507 379
5 It's like acupuncture, but... with a twist. 1.7517 0.01898 1780 846 530 404
6 Good news. I found a way to stop your aging. 1.7448 0.01244 4193 2032 1199 962
7 I’m afraid you need glasses. 1.7370 0.01504 2913 1443 793 677
8 You must be my 5 o'clock 1.7271 0.01485 2807 1356 861 590
9 Oh, this? Just a little something to help you breathe. 1.7230 0.02115 1267 583 452 232
10 You won't be able to drive after this, and neither will I. 1.6988 0.01303 3543 1760 1090 693
11 Relax, I've performed this procedure thousands of times." 1.6978 0.01825 1701 816 583 302
12 I’m detecting subtle notes of fear and distrust. 1.6917 0.01459 2686 1309 896 481
13 The good news is that you were born in a very good year. 1.6901 0.01910 1536 742 528 266
14 Don't worry! I've done hundreds of these procedures. 1.6834 0.02070 1311 641 444 226
15 Relax. It's just something to help you breathe. 1.6826 0.01814 1657 798 587 272
16 It’s a minor procedure, and afterwards we’ll both feel much better. 1.6741 0.01868 1623 810 532 281
17 Actually, you ARE the anesthesia. 1.6728 0.01938 1519 763 490 266
18 It IS a slightly invasive procedure, but we can do it right here in the office. 1.6720 0.01993 1378 677 476 225
19 I have something that can help you breathe 1.6645 0.01943 1401 684 503 214
20 Keeping things bottled up is dangerous. 1.6614 0.01977 1391 693 476 222
21 You are going to feel just a little prick before we start. 1.6447 0.02056 1272 648 428 196
22 Once I leave the room you can pour it into this cup. 1.6418 0.02031 1421 762 406 253
23 I'm happy to report you're full-bodied with an excellent nose. 1.6416 0.01952 1395 710 475 210
24 I recommend we run some routine tests -- tannins, structure, undertones of blackberry, that sort of thing. 1.6385 0.01980 1397 726 450 221
25 We’ve got to get to the bottom of this. 1.6374 0.02222 1092 564 360 168
26 You'll feel a slight prick, but then you can breathe. 1.6370 0.01860 1540 791 517 232
27 I've called a close female colleague of mine over for a second opinion. 1.6368 0.02095 1319 708 382 229
28 Yes, I do have something that will help you breathe. 1.6364 0.01872 1441 721 523 197
29 I think I see what's stopping you up... 1.6306 0.01958 1413 740 455 218
30 Now open wide and I'll say 'ahh.' 1.6240 0.01916 1585 871 439 275
31 Trust me, you’ll breathe more freely after this. 1.6211 0.01913 1391 717 484 190
32 But I'm a screw-top, Doctor. Did you even examine me? 1.6210 0.02007 1451 803 395 253
33 Here we are…just a little something to help you breathe. 1.6157 0.01853 1465 758 512 195
34 This shouldn't hurt but you may feel a bit empty when we're finished. 1.6152 0.01944 1359 711 460 188
35 We'll both be feeling better in no time. 1.6149 0.01808 1701 926 504 271
36 Relax, it'll help you breathe. 1.6143 0.01923 1356 702 475 179
37 I’ve found a way to relieve some of that pressure. 1.6139 0.02390 904 475 303 126
38 You'll feel much more relaxed once we let you breathe. 1.6113 0.01887 1428 748 487 193
39 Close your eyes and think of France. 1.6103 0.02019 1383 764 394 225
40 Really, it’s a routine procedure. After a twist and a pop, we’ll let you breathe. 1.6081 0.01929 1378 729 460 189
41 I just think that some fresh air would do you good. 1.6078 0.02025 1229 645 421 163
42 It's just a quick jab and twist and you'll find it so much easier to breathe. 1.6056 0.01983 1311 698 432 181
43 Don't look so concerned Mr. Vino. Eventually we all get screwed. 1.6021 0.02169 1234 701 323 210
44 It's just a little check that we have to do when you're over fifty. 1.6007 0.02526 854 471 253 130
45 Hello, you must be my five o' clock. 1.5986 0.02031 1435 828 355 252
46 This may look nasty, but it'll help you breathe. 1.5971 0.02070 1164 619 395 150
47 I have something which will help you breathe 1.5932 0.02165 1057 564 359 134
48 The upside is, you'll be able to breathe. 1.5876 0.02499 793 427 266 100
49 Welcome to Doctors Without Bordeauxes. 1.5866 0.02235 1253 758 255 240
50 The good news is that you've aged well. 1.5797 0.02167 1135 641 330 164
51 I’m confident I can get to the bottom of this. 1.5794 0.02183 1158 665 315 178
52 You'll feel a little pop and then I just need you to breathe! 1.5742 0.02298 1085 640 267 178
53 With all that wine in you, you’re not going to feel a thing 1.5719 0.02467 841 472 257 112
54 I'll have the nurse bring in a little cup. 1.5719 0.02323 1002 577 277 148
55 On second thought, don't lie down. 1.5645 0.02613 969 623 145 201
56 The good news is that you've aged very well. 1.5629 0.02333 954 547 277 130
57 The good news is you've aged very well. 1.5597 0.02395 922 536 256 130
58 Trust me. I'll have it out before dinner time. 1.5531 0.03491 414 238 123 53
59 There is a way to stop the aging process. 1.5491 0.02500 814 473 235 106
60 After the procedure, we’ll both need someone to drive us home. 1.5482 0.02658 768 460 195 113
61 Don’t worry, you’ll only get better with age. 1.5474 0.02702 643 362 210 71
62 It’s a simple same day surgery and you should find that you can breathe much better afterward. 1.5435 0.02775 609 345 197 67
63 Generally it's recommended once you reach a certain age. 1.5364 0.02805 660 395 176 89
64 I have a little something to relieve the pressure. 1.5350 0.02888 742 482 123 137
65 I’ll need to take a sample. 1.5340 0.02818 661 399 171 91
66 This is really a simple procedure, but afterward you'll need a pair of glasses. 1.5323 0.03132 603 385 115 103
67 I have just the thing to stop the aging process. 1.5318 0.02897 645 396 155 94
68 I'd be happy to remove it. 1.5303 0.02680 660 384 202 74
69 Trust me, I have just the thing to help you breathe. 1.5271 0.02920 516 293 174 49
70 Oh, we can stop the aging process right away. 1.5253 0.03024 594 369 138 87
71 Don't worry. I will personally get to the bottom of this. 1.5206 0.02790 582 338 185 59
72 Good news! You’re at 98.6. 1.5204 0.02902 563 333 167 63
73 You may experience mild discomfort. 1.5194 0.02947 516 299 166 51
74 I understand you donated your body to science. 1.5166 0.03286 453 273 126 54
75 The bad news is that your caption will be buried in the crowdsource voting by the Caption Contest Facebook Group, which votes as a block for its member's captions, so that other funnier captions are never seen by most voters. 1.5146 0.03577 515 355 55 105
76 If you were a screw top, it would be an out patient treatment. 1.5119 0.03087 547 341 132 74
77 Don't worry - I do this procedure every evening. 1.5118 0.02969 549 332 153 64
78 I'm going to need a sample. 1.5092 0.02928 542 324 160 58
79 I'm sure we can fix this pressure you feel inside. 1.5091 0.03006 493 290 155 48
80 You ARE the anesthesia. 1.5088 0.03033 511 307 148 56
81 It's going to have to come out eventually... 1.5088 0.03111 513 315 135 63
82 You have aged very well. 1.5073 0.02894 548 327 164 57
83 And it's guaranteed to stop the aging process! 1.5073 0.03040 548 340 138 70
84 My bill isn't the only way you're going to get screwed here. 1.5071 0.03228 491 306 121 64
85 Just lean over.....this won't hurt a bit 1.5061 0.03101 490 296 140 54
86 Would you mind removing your label? 1.5054 0.03161 463 278 136 49
87 It's just to help you breathe. 1.5047 0.03017 529 323 145 61
88 I've got something that will make us both feel better. 1.5020 0.03097 488 296 139 53
89 It's a standard test we do when you reach a certain age. 1.5000 0.03265 468 292 118 58
90 Sir, you are the anesthesia. 1.4990 0.03180 501 315 122 64
91 My wife and I would love to have you for dinner tonight. 1.4989 0.03221 457 280 126 51
92 Trust me, I’ll have you breathing in no time. 1.4980 0.03070 488 296 141 51
93 Don't worry. It's a simple procedure that we recommend for anyone of your vintage. 1.4969 0.03228 491 311 116 64
94 How's this for openers? 1.4966 0.03260 441 270 123 48
95 Trust me ... my staff and I will definitely get to the bottom of this!" 1.4938 0.03264 484 309 111 64
96 Let's get to the bottom of this, shall we? 1.4935 0.03156 464 284 131 49
97 One of us will soon feel much better. 1.4933 0.03243 450 278 122 50
98 After the procedure, I want you to focus on breathing, 1.4933 0.03295 446 278 116 52
99 You may feel drained after the procedure. 1.4932 0.03165 444 268 133 43
100 Don’t think of it as the end; think of it as a grand opening! 1.4914 0.03459 407 255 104 48
101 You won't feel a thing. Then I won't feel a thing. 1.4875 0.03307 441 277 113 51
102 You'll be my final patient of the day. 1.4870 0.03173 423 254 132 37
103 Relax! I’ve done this procedure hundreds of times! 1.4848 0.03249 460 291 115 54
104 It's a standard procedure, usually performed around 5 o'clock. 1.4846 0.03305 421 261 116 44
105 Don't worry, it's just something to help you breathe. 1.4845 0.03216 452 282 121 49
106 Sometimes the old therapies are still the best 1.4844 0.03498 384 240 102 42
107 It's nothing serious. You just need some over decanter medication. 1.4835 0.03880 364 242 68 54
108 I’ll need my other glasses for this. 1.4822 0.03373 421 266 107 48
109 I've done this procedure a thousand times." 1.4812 0.03102 478 298 130 50
110 The good news is you’ll breathe easier! 1.4805 0.03161 435 266 129 40
111 This will allow you to release everything that has been fermenting inside you for years. 1.4804 0.03910 358 239 66 53
112 I'll have you breathing in no time. 1.4799 0.03063 448 271 139 38
113 You might feel a little pop 1.4799 0.03369 398 247 111 40
114 I promise, we'll both feel much better shortly. 1.4783 0.03048 437 262 141 34
115 You'll be breathing better in no time. 1.4775 0.03223 400 242 125 33
116 I have something that will help you breathe better. 1.4749 0.03479 398 255 97 46
117 It's time for your annual corknoscopy. 1.4747 0.03892 316 202 78 36
118 Just the tip 1.4747 0.03944 316 204 74 38
119 Trust me. I've done this thousands of times. 1.4740 0.03687 346 220 88 38
120 Once I remove that blockage we’ll both feel better. 1.4731 0.03338 446 290 101 55
121 Cheer up! You're my only patient who gets better with age. 1.4723 0.03569 379 244 91 44
122 Relax, I'll get to the bottom of this. 1.4723 0.03449 379 238 103 38
123 Don't worry, we just need a small sample for tasting... I mean testing. 1.4718 0.03423 426 278 95 53
124 I'll be feeling better shortly. 1.4711 0.03731 346 223 83 40
125 The good news is your body’s in great shape. The bad news is it’s my anniversary. 1.4698 0.03838 364 245 67 52
126 I recommend a frontal unbottleme. 1.4688 0.04029 320 213 64 43
127 I’m afraid it will have to be removed. 1.4683 0.03394 378 236 107 35
128 You may feel drained afterward. That's normal. 1.4680 0.03632 344 218 91 35
129 Just to help you breathe." 1.4674 0.03362 383 239 109 35
130 It'll be over soon and then you can breathe 1.4668 0.03331 407 258 108 41
131 I've got just the thing to help you breathe 1.4665 0.03570 373 241 90 42
132 Don't worry. I 've done this procedure a thousand times. 1.4655 0.03624 348 222 90 36
133 One of us will feel better after this 1.4652 0.03608 359 231 89 39
134 Believe me, it will help you breathe! 1.4638 0.03446 373 236 101 36
135 This is a normal procedure for a patient your age 1.4628 0.03557 363 233 92 38
136 You were right to be concerned about your age. 1.4618 0.03494 353 222 99 32
137 Either way, you're screwed! 1.4615 0.03771 338 221 78 39
138 Actually, there are benefits to aging. 1.4613 0.03349 388 245 107 36
139 I have something that will help you breathe! 1.4611 0.03487 373 239 96 38
140 When you wake up, I'll be asleep. 1.4604 0.03758 328 212 81 35
141 I'm here to serve you. 1.4601 0.03750 326 210 82 34
142 You'll just hear a little "pop" 1.4590 0.03597 366 239 86 41
143 Do I look like someone who would screw you? 1.4571 0.03784 350 234 72 44
144 I promise this will help you breathe. 1.4567 0.03526 335 210 97 28
145 At your vintage this is a mandatory procedure 1.4548 0.03814 354 240 67 47
146 Just a simple procedure to drain some fluid and we'll all feel better. 1.4540 0.03593 326 206 92 28
147 I've arranged for a second opinion... and cheese. 1.4511 0.03978 317 214 63 40
148 Don't worry, I'm going to get to the bottom of this. 1.4508 0.03735 315 203 82 30
149 You'll just feel a little squeeze and a pinch, then the pressure should start to subside. 1.4490 0.03824 314 206 75 33
150 First, we'll have you pee in a glass.” 1.4489 0.03946 323 219 63 41
151 You'll have to wait 50 more years for your appointment 1.4482 0.03848 299 194 76 29
152 You’re holding up very well for a mediocre vintage. 1.4470 0.03582 302 188 93 21
153 You’ll breathe much better after the procedure. 1.4462 0.03697 316 204 83 29
154 It's a normal procedure for a wine of your age. 1.4448 0.03765 308 200 79 29
155 Not a real Bordeaux? Well, I'm not a real doctor! 1.4435 0.03685 345 230 77 38
156 It’s a simple procedure. First you’ll feel a slight pinch, next a gentle tugging sensation, after which you can relax and breathe freely! 1.4431 0.03802 325 217 72 36
157 You’ll be fine, but I’ll feel fantastic. 1.4419 0.03798 301 196 77 28
158 The good news is that I'll feel better after you have this procedure. 1.4403 0.03961 293 195 67 31
159 Don't worry, I'll get to the bottom of it. 1.4397 0.03915 282 184 72 26
160 I’ve performed this procedure countless times. 1.4393 0.03666 280 175 87 18
161 Sorry, but your sulfites came back high. 1.4392 0.03752 296 191 80 25
162 It's time we remove that obstruction. 1.4388 0.03769 294 190 79 25
163 You’ll feel a little sting, then a sense of being screwed 1.4385 0.04077 301 207 56 38
164 Once it comes out, you'll be able to breathe. 1.4384 0.03880 292 192 72 28
165 You'll feel no pain and shortly after nor will I. 1.4383 0.03900 308 207 67 34
166 I'm afraid it's going to have to come out. 1.4382 0.04241 267 181 55 31
167 Good news, the corkage fee is in-network! 1.4373 0.03944 279 183 70 26
168 Really, you would be amazed by how often I perform this procedure. 1.4369 0.03748 325 217 74 34
169 There's a small corkage fee, but your insurance should cover it" 1.4364 0.04116 275 185 60 30
170 It's a routine procedure for those of your vintage. 1.4356 0.03689 303 196 82 25
171 Relax. I've done this hundreds of times. You'll just feel a little drained. 1.4355 0.03798 310 206 73 31
172 So, Fred, the next part of your annual exam could leave you feeling a bit drained. 1.4354 0.03705 294 189 82 23
173 There is one procedure I always recommend at your age. 1.4345 0.03689 313 205 80 28
174 I have something to relieve the pressure. 1.4342 0.03679 304 197 82 25
175 You might feel a slight pop, but don't worry, I've done this a thousand times. 1.4342 0.03824 281 182 76 23
176 Shortly after the procedure you’ll be the life of the party. 1.4334 0.04044 293 200 59 34
177 I see you've anesthetized yourself. 1.4328 0.04007 305 210 58 37
178 I've got just the thing to relieve that blockage. 1.4310 0.04288 239 159 57 23
179 We're going to need a rather large sample, I'm afraid. 1.4301 0.04178 272 186 55 31
180 I've got something that will help you breathe. 1.4301 0.04046 272 182 63 27
181 Don’t worry. This is routine procedure for a bottle your age. 1.4296 0.03853 291 193 71 27
182 Given your age, there is a procedure that we like to perform. 1.4296 0.03914 291 195 67 29
183 The corkage fee should be covered by your insurer. 1.4292 0.04509 226 153 49 24
184 I'm here to help you breathe. 1.4292 0.04238 233 153 60 20
185 Luckily, I can remove it. 1.4291 0.04133 261 175 60 26
186 I have just the thing to relieve the pressure you've been under. 1.4291 0.03836 296 197 71 28
187 It’s just a pinch. Then a pop. Then a glub glub glub. 1.4286 0.03891 287 191 69 27
188 Let’s get you to open up 1.4280 0.04031 257 169 66 22
189 You're the perfect age for this procedure. 1.4265 0.03904 279 185 69 25
190 "Your procedure is scheduled for 5 o'clock somewhere. 1.4263 0.04213 251 169 57 25
191 You will feel a little prick and then a slight tug. 1.4257 0.04121 249 165 62 22
192 You have options, but you'll be screwed either way. 1.4251 0.04262 247 167 55 25
193 Think of the next procedure as a breathing exercise. 1.4248 0.03932 266 175 69 22
194 It’s nothing. Everyone from Bordeaux gets this procedure at your age. 1.4246 0.04274 252 172 53 27
195 I’d like to check out your tannins. 1.4246 0.03747 285 186 77 22
196 Well, the good news is that you don’t have to bend over. 1.4240 0.04108 250 166 62 22
197 This will only hurt for a second and then you will be able to breathe. 1.4235 0.03928 307 212 60 35
198 After you're opened, I will say ahhh. 1.4234 0.03953 274 183 66 25
199 It’s a recommended procedure at your age. 1.4232 0.03885 267 175 71 21
200 I'll just need a few samples. 1.4226 0.04153 265 181 56 28
201 I’ve got a little something here that will help you breathe. 1.4217 0.04359 230 155 53 22
202 I’m glad to see you’re aging well 1.4205 0.03913 264 174 69 21
203 You'll notice a remarkable improvement in breathing. 1.4190 0.03685 284 185 79 20
204 When people say 'screw it,' they're talking about me. 1.4187 0.04231 246 167 55 24
205 You may feel a bit of pressure...and hear a pop. 1.4186 0.04197 258 177 54 27
206 I think it's time you opened up. 1.4184 0.04519 239 168 42 29
207 Good news. I know what's causing the blockage. 1.4176 0.04093 273 188 56 29
208 You'd be amazed at the things people swallow! 1.4163 0.04390 221 149 52 20
209 Don’t worry, this is a standard procedure for a bottle of your vintage. 1.4156 0.04341 231 157 52 22
210 Proctological examinations are an important part of health care. 1.4147 0.04494 217 148 48 21
211 You’ll feel much better after you breathe. 1.4146 0.03786 287 192 71 24
212 You will be breathing better in just a few minutes. 1.4141 0.03877 256 168 70 18
213 There's no copay - but there is a corkage fee. 1.4139 0.04331 244 169 49 26
214 My advice is go home and rest for the next ten or eleven years. 1.4130 0.04174 230 153 59 18
215 It's a simple procedure and afterwards you will be joining me for dinner. 1.4129 0.04087 264 181 57 26
216 You're going to hear a slight "pop." 1.4128 0.04708 218 154 38 26
217 Now that you are 50, this is important. 1.4128 0.04451 235 164 45 26
218 I’m pleased to report that you’re delightfully full-bodied, bold, complex, and aged to perfection. In fact, let’s celebrate! 1.4127 0.05992 126 87 26 13
219 The good news is that the blockage can be removed. 1.4105 0.04319 229 156 52 21
220 This isn't going to hurt but you'll experience a sudden release of pressure. 1.4104 0.03885 251 165 69 17
221 Not to worry, the corkage fee is covered. 1.4104 0.03844 251 164 71 16
222 You'll feel a slight pinch at first, then neither one of us will feel a thing. 1.4100 0.03974 239 157 66 16
223 Good news! Your insurance will cover the corkage fee. 1.4097 0.04163 227 151 59 17
224 I am afraid that is going to have to come out. 1.4096 0.04029 249 167 62 20
225 Trust me, 90 minutes after the 'breathing' procedure, you'll be perfect! 1.4094 0.04050 254 172 60 22
226 This could hurt a lot, but in a little while, I won’t feel a thing. 1.4094 0.04347 254 180 44 30
227 Don't worry, this procedure is common as you age. 1.4093 0.04069 259 177 58 24
228 You might hear a quick 'pop'. 1.4082 0.03980 267 182 61 24
229 The good news is that you are invited to the office party. 1.4082 0.04073 245 165 60 20
230 Just relax. You need to breathe. 1.4081 0.04116 223 147 61 15
231 Now, you may feel a bit drained afterward… 1.4077 0.04220 233 158 55 20
232 You might feel a slight pop… 1.4069 0.04245 231 157 54 20
233 We're going to need to draw some fluid for tasting - TESTING - I meant testing. 1.4066 0.04324 241 168 48 25
234 Relax, this is nothing compared to what I do to champagne bottles. 1.4062 0.04385 224 154 49 21
235 I'd like to keep you here overnight for, uh, observation. 1.4062 0.04198 224 150 57 17
236 The procedure is pretty simple. We can help you breathe right here in the office. 1.4061 0.04007 261 178 60 23
237 Just a little procedure to help you breathe. 1.4059 0.04100 239 161 59 19
238 Don't worry, I have a simple procedure that will enable you to breathe and express all of the nuances of your personality that have been bottled up for so long. 1.4057 0.04245 244 169 51 24
239 Lab tests say you're at 750 liters, but I think we can get that down a bit. 1.4053 0.04251 227 154 54 19
240 I have a little something that will help you breathe.” 1.4051 0.04167 237 161 56 20
241 Just a little procedure that will make me feel better. 1.4049 0.04284 247 173 48 26
242 I've got good news! There's a straight-forward and low-risk procedure we can perform to address your bottled up feelings. 1.4041 0.04110 245 167 57 21
243 This will be a full-bodied exam. 1.4028 0.04450 216 149 47 20
244 At your age, it’s inevitable. 1.4022 0.04632 184 124 46 14
245 Ok the good news is, we know how to get it out… 1.4010 0.04341 202 135 53 14
246 Why don't we try a quick breathing exercise. 1.4000 0.04167 240 165 54 21
247 Everyone in your family goes through this at your age. 1.4000 0.04293 220 150 52 18
248 Are you ready for your corkonoscopy? 1.4000 0.04687 210 149 38 23
249 Don’t worry. This will help you breathe. 1.4000 0.03964 235 156 64 15
250 Once it's over, you'll be able to breathe. 1.4000 0.04514 205 141 46 18
251 Removing the blockage will be best for everyone, I can assure you. 1.3992 0.04106 238 162 57 19
252 I think we may have a way to get to the bottom of this! 1.3983 0.04237 231 159 52 20
253 Everyone your age needs this procedure eventually! 1.3982 0.04438 226 159 44 23
254 At your age there's one more test I'd like to run. 1.3982 0.04164 226 153 56 17
255 Don't worry, it's a simple procedure that will allow you to breathe. Trust me, I've performed this thousands of times. 1.3982 0.04211 226 154 54 18
256 Let’s clear up that blockage. 1.3974 0.04395 229 161 45 23
257 The good news is that you are aging wonderfully... 1.3973 0.04511 224 159 41 24
258 You don't look a day over '49." 1.3970 0.04770 199 141 37 21
259 Relax. It's just to help you breathe easier. 1.3965 0.04102 227 153 58 16
260 This should help you breathe a little better 1.3964 0.04214 222 151 54 17
261 The sooner we do this, the sooner we get to happy hour 1.3962 0.04352 212 145 50 17
262 It's a total coincidence that we scheduled you for New Year's Eve. 1.3960 0.04459 250 183 35 32
263 It's just a little poke and afterward you'll be able to breathe much better. 1.3955 0.04140 220 148 57 15
264 Post surgery you’ll go to the recycling ward. 1.3955 0.04336 220 152 49 19
265 I warmed it up 1.3949 0.04729 195 137 39 19
266 Let's take a look, shall we? You may feel a slight prick... 1.3946 0.04150 223 151 56 16
267 The bad news: you're all stopped up. The good news: I can treat it. 1.3946 0.04731 185 128 41 16
268 It's a standard procedure for someone your age. 1.3939 0.03908 231 153 65 13
269 This is just a routine procedure for someone your age.. 1.3939 0.04508 198 136 46 16
270 You’ve aged well. 1.3938 0.04159 226 154 55 17
271 This is going to help me more than it will help you. 1.3934 0.04363 211 145 49 17
272 The good news is you’ve aged quite nicely. 1.3932 0.04059 234 159 58 17
273 Good news! I'll have you breathing in no time! 1.3929 0.04278 224 155 50 19
274 Believe me the only one that will have a headache after the procedure is me. 1.3923 0.04443 209 145 46 18
275 I understand you've had trouble breathing? 1.3921 0.04144 227 155 55 17
276 You open up and I’ll say “ahhh”. 1.3920 0.04656 199 140 40 19
277 I've got something that should help you breathe. 1.3911 0.04263 225 156 50 19
278 I’d like to get a second opinion 1.3909 0.04521 197 136 45 16
279 After the procedure you may feel a little lightheaded. I know I will. 1.3908 0.04802 174 120 40 14
280 It's a relaxing procedure that I perform with Brie and bread. 1.3905 0.04426 210 146 46 18
281 Don't worry, it will help you breathe... 1.3904 0.04628 187 129 43 15
282 ''Let's see how well you've aged.'' 1.3900 0.04102 241 167 54 20
283 You need glasses. 1.3900 0.04797 200 144 34 22
284 ...and it will help your breathing. 1.3898 0.04207 236 165 50 21
285 I don't take Medicare but I do barter. 1.3892 0.04692 203 145 37 21
286 Everyone your age gets this procedure 1.3891 0.04502 221 158 40 23
287 Losing your cork should be with someone special 1.3889 0.04287 216 149 50 17
288 Relax, open-cork surgery is now an out-patient procedure. 1.3882 0.03901 255 175 61 19
289 I have something that will help you breathe easier. 1.3877 0.03946 227 152 62 13
290 You've aged quite well. 1.3877 0.03946 227 152 62 13
291 I have a little something to help you breathe! 1.3876 0.04385 209 145 47 17
292 I’m sensing notes of bitterness. 1.3876 0.04225 209 142 53 14
293 It’s not healthy to keep things bottled up, Mr. Sauvignon. 1.3874 0.04675 191 134 40 17
294 Now, we're going to see how well you're aging. 1.3871 0.04169 217 148 54 15
295 My diagnosis is good news and bad news: I'm about to get drunk, and you're about to get screwed. 1.3865 0.04771 207 151 32 24
296 Define ‘invasive.’ 1.3864 0.04326 220 154 47 19
297 It’s a very common procedure once you get older. 1.3857 0.04423 223 159 42 22
298 I'm pleased to announce a solution to aging. 1.3846 0.04010 208 138 60 10
299 Good news! Your insurance covers my corkage fee. 1.3846 0.04512 182 124 46 12
300 You'll just feel a small pinch and some pressure. 1.3842 0.04362 203 140 48 15
301 Just need to do a quick full-bodied exam. 1.3838 0.04321 198 135 50 13
302 It's a totally non-invasive procedure...we won't need to open you up... 1.3838 0.04201 198 133 54 11
303 Don’t worry. I’ve performed this procedure successfully thousands of times. 1.3838 0.04663 198 141 38 19
304 This will help you to breathe. 1.3835 0.04262 206 141 51 14
305 Anyone would feel lousy after thirty years in a cellar. 1.3834 0.04636 193 136 40 17
306 I know you haven't been looking forward to this, but now that you are over 50... 1.3831 0.04612 201 143 39 19
307 Oh it's just a little prick. 1.3831 0.04447 201 140 45 16
308 Once it's out, you'll stop aging altogether! 1.3828 0.04432 209 147 44 18
309 No, no, no. A colonoscopy is for people, this is totally different. 1.3825 0.04602 217 158 35 24
310 It’s just a little prick … 1.3821 0.04335 212 148 47 17
311 Ahh, my 5 o'clock appointment. 1.3820 0.05040 178 129 30 19
312 You might feel a little pressure. 1.3818 0.04368 220 156 44 20
313 I do like a wine that really speaks to me" 1.3814 0.04240 215 149 50 16
314 My, you've aged nicely! 1.3805 0.04437 205 144 44 17
315 This is what happens when you refused a screw top 1.3805 0.04647 205 148 36 21
316 You’ll just feel a little pinch and I’ll feel much better. I mean you’ll feel much better. 1.3803 0.04419 213 151 43 19
317 I have just the thing to help take the pressure off. 1.3801 0.03956 221 149 60 12
318 Am I going to find any alcohol in your system? 1.3800 0.04402 200 139 46 15
319 After the procedure you'll be able to breathe. 1.3798 0.04390 208 146 45 17
320 Ah. Since 1975 you say. 1.3797 0.04182 237 168 48 21
321 You're about to get screwed! 1.3796 0.04585 245 186 25 34
322 Let's take a look inside and see if you're aging well. 1.3795 0.04420 195 135 46 14
323 You're big, I have a big one too. 1.3791 0.04975 211 161 20 30
324 If everything is fine, you can return to the cellar for ten more years. 1.3791 0.04187 211 145 52 14
325 What if I said you don't need to age anymore? 1.3787 0.05028 169 121 32 16
326 The truth is, you won't get better with age 1.3785 0.04250 214 149 49 16
327 Just a little shot. Won’t hurt a bit. 1.3783 0.04043 230 159 55 16
328 It will all be over with in one happy hour. 1.3781 0.04496 201 142 42 17
329 And in an hour I won't feel a thing either. 1.3780 0.04579 209 151 37 21
330 And after you've had a chance to breathe, we'd love to have you at our office party. 1.3778 0.04605 180 125 42 13
331 Relax. I’ve done this procedure thousands of times. 1.3770 0.04808 183 131 35 17
332 I understand you felt a little bottled up lately 1.3770 0.04870 183 132 33 18
333 It's okay to be nervous, but this procedure becomes critical at a certain age. 1.3767 0.04130 215 148 53 14
334 We’ll have you breathing better in no time. 1.3766 0.03886 231 157 61 13
335 For this procedure we'll need some cheese. 1.3765 0.04862 170 120 36 14
336 Given your age, I recommend we run some additional tastes-- I mean, tests. 1.3763 0.04779 194 141 33 20
337 I’m just going to check your nose. 1.3757 0.04449 189 131 45 13
338 Relax. This is going to help you breathe. 1.3756 0.04558 197 140 40 17
339 The good news is this will help you to breathe. 1.3756 0.04430 205 145 43 17
340 I have something to help you breathe. 1.3750 0.04603 176 122 42 12
341 Trust me, you’ll feel better once you breathe. 1.3750 0.04508 200 142 41 17
342 This next procedure is to help you breathe. 1.3750 0.04222 208 144 50 14
343 You'll be able to breathe easier now. 1.3744 0.04292 203 141 48 14
344 I have just the thing that will open you up and help you breathe. 1.3744 0.04459 203 144 42 17
345 Are you aware of any screw caps in your family history? 1.3744 0.04703 195 141 35 19
346 Stopped up, you say? Don't worry. I'll have you breathing in no time. 1.3743 0.04415 187 129 46 12
347 Don't worry, this is a routine procedure for bottles of your vintage. 1.3743 0.04543 187 131 42 14
348 Unfortunately, Medicare only covers screw-tops. 1.3736 0.04694 182 129 38 15
349 Don't worry, this is totally normal for bottles your age. 1.3729 0.04651 177 124 40 13
350 I'll need a sample. 1.3728 0.04804 169 119 37 13
351 After it's over, I'm going to feel so much better. 1.3728 0.04804 169 119 37 13
352 The good news is, we caught it before it turned 1.3720 0.04670 164 113 41 10
353 This is going to hurt a little, but it will really help you to breathe. 1.3717 0.04595 191 136 39 16
354 Guess who I paired you with? 1.3713 0.04359 202 142 45 15
355 This won’t hurt. You’ll just hear a little pop. 1.3709 0.04305 213 151 45 17
356 Take my word, once it's out you're going to breathe a lot easier. 1.3700 0.04772 200 148 30 22
357 I heard you've been having some trouble breathing. 1.3699 0.04273 173 116 50 7
358 This procedure will help you breathe a little. 1.3699 0.04861 173 124 34 15
359 The good news is, the corkage fee is covered by your insurance. 1.3698 0.04750 192 140 33 19
360 Relax. This is standard procedure at your age. 1.3697 0.04486 211 153 38 20
361 My wife and I thought you might join us for dinner tonight. 1.3696 0.04715 184 132 36 16
362 I hear you're having trouble breathing. 1.3684 0.04294 190 131 48 11
363 Really, every bottle over 50 years old should have this procedure done. 1.3684 0.04607 190 136 38 16
364 The nurse tells me you're having trouble breathing. 1.3684 0.04294 190 131 48 11
365 It’s recommended once you reach a certain age 1.3684 0.04422 190 133 44 13
366 Let's get to the bottom of this. 1.3682 0.04254 201 140 48 13
367 We’ll have that sediment out in no time. 1.3681 0.04686 182 130 37 15
368 Let's take a look at those legs, shall we? 1.3676 0.04694 185 133 36 16
369 This procedure will definitely allow you to breathe better. 1.3673 0.05468 147 108 24 15
370 It's just a simple procedure to remove that blockage 1.3670 0.04640 188 135 37 16
371 I won’t feel a thing. 1.3670 0.04937 188 140 27 21
372 It’s a little radical, but it will stop the aging process. 1.3669 0.05010 169 123 30 16
373 My procedure will let you breathe. 1.3665 0.04705 191 139 34 18
374 It's a reliable technique that will help you breathe. 1.3661 0.04467 183 128 43 12
375 Once you reach a certain age, this check up is recommended 1.3657 0.04677 175 124 38 13
376 You’re going to feel just a little bit of pressure 1.3656 0.04735 186 135 34 17
377 Afterwards, we can drink to your health. 1.3654 0.04423 208 150 40 18
378 You might hear a "pop". 1.3653 0.04832 167 119 35 13
379 I think we can get to the bottom of this if you just open up a bit. 1.3653 0.04361 167 113 47 7
380 You’re screwed either way. 1.3652 0.04822 178 129 33 16
381 Trust me, you'll breathe much better after this. 1.3650 0.04204 200 139 49 12
382 The surgery's risky but makes a fun sound. 1.3646 0.04507 192 137 40 15
383 You'll be better after you breathe for a few hours. 1.3646 0.04626 192 139 36 17
384 I have a procedure that will help you breathe 1.3642 0.04777 162 114 37 11
385 Good news: you're at the prime of your life. 1.3641 0.04770 184 134 33 17
386 Once I pull the cork out, you will be able to breathe. 1.3636 0.04463 187 132 42 13
387 Our first step is to remove that cork so you can breathe. 1.3636 0.04716 165 116 38 11
388 This procedure is called a 'taste test.' 1.3636 0.04590 187 134 38 15
389 Screw YOU, doctor! 1.3631 0.04808 168 120 35 13
390 Side effects? ...Well, some patients report an empty feeling. 1.3626 0.04819 171 123 34 14
391 This will be an outpatient-into-doctor procedure. 1.3626 0.05296 171 130 20 21
392 Come on, baby, let's do the twist. 1.3626 0.04890 171 124 32 15
393 This should help you breathe better. 1.3625 0.04732 160 112 38 10
394 Yes, you really have aged quite well. 1.3622 0.04428 185 130 43 12
395 This procedure should leave you drained and me drunk. 1.3620 0.04753 163 115 37 11
396 Relax, I'm just here to serve you. 1.3620 0.04672 163 114 39 10
397 I'm going to change you from a full bottle in front of me to a full frontal lobotomy. 1.3620 0.05209 163 121 25 17
398 Unfortunately, it seems you’re at that age… 1.3618 0.04390 199 142 42 15
399 I'm interested in your case. 1.3616 0.04563 177 125 40 12
400 No worries, we're just going to draw a little sample 1.3611 0.04987 144 101 34 9
401 I’m very interested in your case. 1.3611 0.04510 180 127 41 12
402 Now don’t you worry...it’s just a little something to help you breathe 1.3608 0.04644 194 142 34 18
403 This will take care of that stopped-up feeling. 1.3607 0.04390 183 128 44 11
404 I'm going to draw some fluid and have it tested for structure and bouquet over dinner. 1.3602 0.04790 161 114 36 11
405 The party at table 6 will cover your copay. 1.3602 0.04454 161 110 44 7
406 Look at it this way - you won't be sitting in that cold, dark cellar any more. 1.3602 0.04538 186 133 39 14
407 Don’t be so dramatic. We both knew this day would come. 1.3602 0.04408 186 131 43 12
408 There's no sugercoating this. You're going to be screwed. 1.3596 0.04747 178 129 34 15
409 It will help you breath. 1.3593 0.04669 167 118 38 11
410 Just bend over-this won't hurt a bit/ 1.3593 0.04512 167 116 42 9
411 Yes the procedure is painful and irreversible, but after about 30 minutes you’ll notice pleasant notes of cinnamon, leather and tobacco 1.3591 0.05006 181 136 25 20
412 Good news - the corkage fee is covered by your insurance. 1.3590 0.04721 156 109 38 9
413 Let's get to the bottom of the problem. 1.3588 0.04536 170 119 41 10
414 Believe me, sir, you prefer this corkscrew to my index. 1.3586 0.05055 145 103 32 10
415 We'll go nice and slow. Not like when Champagne comes in. 1.3586 0.05508 145 108 22 15
416 Luckily, bordeaux is the universal donor. 1.3585 0.04910 159 114 33 12
417 ...and best of all, when you hear a 'pop', you'll stop aging.' 1.3584 0.04630 173 123 38 12
418 After I remove the obstruction just try to breathe. 1.3580 0.05152 162 120 26 16
419 Stopped up, are you? 1.3580 0.04645 176 126 37 13
420 'No not true, more like a slight prick.' 1.3576 0.04626 165 116 39 10
421 After this simple procedure you will breathe a lot easier. 1.3576 0.04935 165 120 31 14
422 Of cork...I mean, of course, it's a safe procedure. 1.3575 0.04590 179 128 38 13
423 Now, we'll just have you open and I'll say 'ahhhh'." 1.3568 0.04677 185 135 34 16
424 We'll need to run a few simple tests. 1.3567 0.04437 171 119 43 9
425 As soon as I extract the blockage, you'll breathe normally 1.3567 0.04951 157 113 32 12
426 We're going to have to run some tastes. 1.3564 0.04434 188 134 41 13
427 Let's see if you've aged well. 1.3563 0.04461 174 122 42 10
428 This is a standard procedures for wines over 40. 1.3563 0.04679 174 125 36 13
429 It's a minor procedure. We hope to have you out by dinner time. 1.3559 0.04482 177 125 41 11
430 You may feel a tiny poke...followed by aggressive twisting and a hard yank. 1.3557 0.04459 194 140 39 15
431 The bad news is, it's spread to your cork. The good news is, I'm having a dinner party tonight. 1.3556 0.04702 180 131 34 15
432 Remember - you can’t recant what you decant. 1.3556 0.04430 180 127 42 11
433 Don't worry! Decanting is all part of the aging process. 1.3553 0.04527 197 144 36 17
434 You will hear a loud pop, but then I can assure you that you will breathe better. 1.3553 0.05395 152 114 22 16
435 Corked? I've got just the thing." 1.3550 0.04624 169 120 38 11
436 We can’t give you a diagnosis until we open you up. 1.3550 0.04919 169 124 30 15
437 This will help you breathe better. 1.3550 0.04247 200 142 45 13
438 Hey. Would I screw you? 1.3548 0.04907 155 111 33 11
439 Well, there are certain procedures we recommend for patients of your vintage… 1.3548 0.04821 155 110 35 10
440 It's simple and quick operation. We'll schedule it for dinner tomorrow evening. 1.3543 0.04727 175 127 34 14
441 Well, test results are in. No matter what, you're pretty much screwed. 1.3543 0.04997 175 131 26 18
442 There is one procedure that will help you to breathe 1.3540 0.05016 161 118 29 14
443 Don’t worry. This is a very routine procedure at your age. 1.3539 0.04242 178 123 47 8
444 Yes, you are going to get screwed, but Medicare will pay for it. 1.3538 0.04320 195 139 43 13
445 I can help you with your difficulty breathing 1.3536 0.04479 181 129 40 12
446 You'll hear a pop, but it's just to get a sample 1.3536 0.04340 181 127 44 10
447 To start, I just want you to breathe for a few minutes. 1.3533 0.04223 184 128 47 9
448 'We're going to let you breathe' 1.3529 0.04587 153 106 40 7
449 It won't hurt a bit, and will allow you to breathe. 1.3529 0.04861 153 109 34 10
450 I have good news and bad news. The good news is that you’re the perfect age. The bad news is that you’re the perfect age. 1.3529 0.04965 170 126 28 16
451 I’m a screw top”, heard it before 1.3529 0.04894 170 125 30 15
452 Don't worry, it's a natural part of the aging process. 1.3526 0.04965 156 113 31 12
453 I see you brought your own anesthesia 1.3525 0.05486 139 103 23 13
454 There's only one way to find out. 1.3523 0.04635 176 127 36 13
455 At your age, I recommend relieving your stress the old fashion way. 1.3520 0.04369 179 126 43 10
456 We generally recommend putting off this procedure for a few more years. 1.3519 0.04834 162 117 33 12
457 No worries. Just lean forward please. 1.3517 0.04646 145 100 39 6
458 It’s unhealthy to keep things bottled up for too long. 1.3516 0.04459 182 130 40 12
459 Well – it's 5 o'clock somewhere! 1.3515 0.04999 165 122 28 15
460 I can assure you it helped my last patient breathe exquisitely 1.3514 0.04540 185 134 37 14
461 Considering your vintage, it's time for a colonoscopy. 1.3512 0.05076 168 126 25 17
462 Open up and breathe. 1.3503 0.04596 157 110 39 8
463 I’m happy to report that you have aged to perfection. 1.3503 0.04506 157 109 41 7
464 Like I tell my IUD patients- you'll only feel a tiny pinch! 1.3503 0.04770 157 112 35 10
465 So you're the guy my patients keep lying to me about. 1.3503 0.04471 177 126 40 11
466 Every bottle of your vintage should have it done. 1.3500 0.04624 160 113 38 9
467 Unfortunately the corkage fee is not covered under Medicare. 1.3492 0.04593 189 139 34 16
468 You'll feel a little discomfort at first, but shortly thereafter you'll be able to breathe much easier. 1.3484 0.04980 155 113 30 12
469 Now let's get that cork out and have a look. 1.3484 0.04539 155 108 40 7
470 Let's drink to your health. 1.3481 0.05077 135 96 31 8
471 I'd say there's a very good chance you'll be breathing better after this. 1.3478 0.04141 184 128 48 8
472 It’s just a minor procedure to help you breathe. 1.3478 0.04429 161 112 42 7
473 The good news is, this is a one-time procedure. 1.3476 0.04862 164 120 31 13
474 Don't worry. This isn't my first extraction. 1.3475 0.05031 141 101 31 9
475 I’m delighted to say that you have aged perfectly. 1.3473 0.04724 167 121 34 12
476 Good news. No rubber glove today,....however.... 1.3472 0.05336 144 107 24 13
477 There's only one way to tell if you've gotten better with age. 1.3469 0.05076 147 107 29 11
478 Yes, we need to get to the bottom of this. 1.3468 0.04066 173 118 50 5
479 No worries! It's just a little procedure to help you breathe. 1.3467 0.04822 150 107 34 9
480 Just breath, at your age it’s important to have that removed 1.3466 0.04694 176 129 33 14
481 I just need a little sample. 1.3464 0.04573 153 107 39 7
482 Why do you think I want to screw you? 1.3462 0.05354 156 119 20 17
483 Luckily for you, your copay covers the corkage fee. 1.3459 0.05202 159 120 23 16
484 I can take care of that breathing problem in no time. 1.3457 0.04542 188 138 35 15
485 Bend over and cough. 1.3457 0.05055 162 121 26 15
486 Don’t worry, it’s quite common for someone of your vintage. 1.3455 0.04521 165 117 39 9
487 It's just a little pinch, and then you'll be able to breathe 1.3452 0.04393 197 144 38 15
488 The pain is bearable, although you will let out a little whine " 1.3448 0.05305 145 108 24 13
489 After the distilling procedure, you’ll be in good spirits. 1.3448 0.04586 174 126 36 12
490 Are you ok? You’re looking a little white. 1.3448 0.04439 174 124 40 10
491 You'll feel a little pressure and may hear a popping sound... 1.3448 0.04935 174 131 26 17
492 Hi there, I’m Dr. Sommelier. 1.3442 0.04994 154 113 29 12
493 You just can't keep it all bottled up inside you anymore... 1.3439 0.04757 157 113 34 10
494 It's normal to be nervous, just breathe. 1.3439 0.04492 157 110 40 7
495 Do I detect a note of squeamishness? 1.3439 0.04582 157 111 38 8
496 It's almost laparoscopic! 1.3438 0.04525 160 113 39 8
497 No charge! This test pays for itself. 1.3436 0.04112 195 138 47 10
498 Don't worry, we'll bill the corkage fee to your HMO. 1.3436 0.04636 163 117 36 10
499 This is my reward for living to a ripe old age?! 1.3434 0.04498 166 118 39 9
500 And you thought your insurance company was screwing you... 1.3433 0.05412 134 99 24 11
501 Don't worry. This treatment will help you breathe. 1.3432 0.04200 169 117 46 6
502 We just need a sample. 1.3431 0.04797 137 96 35 6
503 Well, I've got good news! Your corkage fee IS covered by insurance. 1.3429 0.05046 140 101 30 9
504 I admit it's a bit invasive, but I think we'll both feel better afterwards. 1.3427 0.04649 178 131 33 14
505 Remember "No wine before its time?" Well, it's time. 1.3423 0.04740 149 106 35 8
506 You’re going on 75. This procedure was bound to happen. 1.3423 0.04928 149 108 31 10
507 No worries, Medicare covers the corkage fees! 1.3423 0.04740 149 106 35 8
508 Yes, when you reach your age this is procedure is a requirement. 1.3420 0.04452 193 142 36 15
509 It's just something to help you breathe. 1.3419 0.04966 155 114 29 12
510 We're going to need to run some further tests, and some cheese. 1.3418 0.04981 158 117 28 13
511 Relax—I did this a hundred times in med school. 1.3413 0.04936 167 125 27 15
512 This should relieve the pressure." 1.3413 0.04635 167 121 35 11
513 Your advanced age is not an obstacle, your sedimentation rate is stable, and so, I'm pleased to inform you that you qualify as a donor. 1.3413 0.04788 167 123 31 13
514 Just a little poke. 1.3410 0.04523 173 125 37 11
515 Please bend over and spread your cork. 1.3410 0.05083 173 133 21 19
516 No, no, it's just a little something to help you breathe 1.3410 0.04448 173 124 39 10
517 We'll both feel better once I drain a little fluid. 1.3410 0.04741 173 128 31 14
518 Yes, reduction is free of charge. 1.3406 0.04878 138 98 33 7
519 Sure I failed med school but I did pass the bar exam 1.3404 0.05310 141 105 24 12
520 It will help you breathe, trust me. 1.3399 0.04833 153 111 32 10
521 Your temperature is just right. 1.3399 0.04652 153 109 36 8
522 Yes, I'm a proctologist but aspire to be a sommelier. 1.3399 0.05093 153 114 26 13
523 I’d like to drink to your health! 1.3399 0.04743 153 110 34 9
524 Don't worry it's a routine procedure for anyone over 45. 1.3397 0.04855 156 114 31 11
525 You’ll feel a little pinch, but not to worry – I will feel better soon. 1.3397 0.05022 156 116 27 13
526 Yes, of course you will be sedated. 1.3396 0.04356 159 111 42 6
527 Feeling robust, are we? 1.3396 0.04707 159 115 34 10
528 You'll feel momentary discomfort, but this should relieve the pressure! 1.3395 0.04647 162 117 35 10
529 Let's just see if you've improved with age. 1.3394 0.04425 165 117 40 8
530 Did I forgot to mention I'm both a proctologist AND a sommelier? 1.3393 0.04911 168 126 27 15
531 I think you need to get some air 1.3392 0.04323 171 121 42 8
532 Not to worry, your plan does pay for corkage. 1.3391 0.04501 174 126 37 11
533 Great news! You're invited to our office party 1.3387 0.05713 124 93 20 11
534 I have just the right thing to help you breathe. 1.3386 0.04052 189 133 48 8
535 Don’t worry, it’s just a minor procedure to help you breathe. 1.3382 0.05544 136 103 20 13
536 Bad news, I'm afraid. It'll have to come out. 1.3382 0.05029 136 98 30 8
537 I suspect a blockage. 1.3380 0.04986 142 103 30 9
538 The good news is your scans are all clear. The bad news is let's celebrate. 1.3379 0.04817 145 104 33 8
539 There's only one cure for keeping things bottled up inside 1.3378 0.05123 148 110 26 12
540 Next we'll check to see how you're aging. 1.3378 0.04751 148 106 34 8
541 We call this procedure the annual 'twist and shout' 1.3376 0.04568 157 112 37 8
542 I'm afraid it will have to come out. 1.3374 0.04623 163 118 35 10
543 All the symptoms you describe are just a part of the ageing process. 1.3374 0.04704 163 119 33 11
544 Decant feel a thing. I promise. 1.3364 0.05957 110 82 19 9
545 Actually I'm the sommelier. The doctor will bein as soon as he finishes curing a cheese. 1.3358 0.05184 134 98 27 9
546 You’ll breathe easier. 1.3357 0.05130 140 103 27 10
547 We’ll have you opened up in no time! 1.3357 0.04754 143 102 34 7
548 It’s just to help you breathe a little. 1.3356 0.04887 146 106 31 9
549 I’ll have you breathing in no time at all. 1.3356 0.04789 146 105 33 8
550 I’ve operated on several patients your age. 1.3356 0.04913 149 109 30 10
551 Good news: I think I can help you breathe! 1.3355 0.04953 155 115 28 12
552 I think you’re screwed! 1.3355 0.04868 155 114 30 11
553 After the procedure, your flow will be greatly improved. 1.3354 0.04544 158 113 37 8
554 I'm here to help you open up. 1.3354 0.04544 158 113 37 8
555 You'll feel a slight pinch... 1.3354 0.04574 161 116 36 9
556 After the procedure I want you to breathe. 1.3354 0.04488 161 115 38 8
557 The procedure is minimally invasive and will help you breathe." 1.3354 0.04759 164 121 31 12
558 A corkonoscopy is quite normal for a wine of your age. 1.3353 0.04850 167 125 28 14
559 You really are in perfect condition for your age. 1.3353 0.04716 170 126 31 13
560 This is going to hurt you a lot more than me. 1.3333 0.04543 153 109 37 7
561 I've been saving this appointment for a special occasion. 1.3333 0.05361 135 101 23 11
562 You'll just feel a little poke... 1.3333 0.04341 159 112 41 6
563 You look like you've aged well. Let's do some tests to be sure. 1.3333 0.04999 141 103 29 9
564 Just a little stick here and all that pressure will be gone. 1.3333 0.04412 165 118 39 8
565 You are just what the doctor ordered. 1.3333 0.05593 120 89 22 9
566 Don't fret, it's a routine operation for a bottle of your age. 1.3333 0.05316 129 95 25 9
567 You're on the donor list, correct? 1.3333 0.04676 168 124 32 12
568 I have something here to help you breathe 1.3333 0.04755 156 114 32 10
569 Just relax, I am a board certified sommelier. 1.3333 0.04520 159 114 37 8
570 So…about that uncorking fee. 1.3333 0.04667 156 113 34 9
571 In my professional judgement all you require is a little aeration. 1.3333 0.04349 141 97 41 3
572 you want to put that where? 1.3333 0.04837 171 129 27 15
573 I have just the thing for both our issues. 1.3315 0.04195 178 127 43 8
574 No, no, no. I’m just admiring your label. 1.3314 0.04521 172 126 35 11
575 Don't worry, I won't screw this up. 1.3314 0.04419 169 122 38 9
576 We want to see how you've aged. 1.3313 0.04306 166 118 41 7
577 This? This is just to help you breathe. 1.3313 0.04850 163 122 28 13
578 Good news! You have been invited to a party! 1.3313 0.04927 163 123 26 14
579 Stopped up? I've got just the solution 1.3313 0.04668 160 117 33 10
580 This procedure is called a frontal lobottleamony. 1.3312 0.05063 157 119 24 14
581 I can help you unwine. 1.3311 0.04537 148 105 37 6
582 This is just something to help you breathe 1.3310 0.04658 142 101 35 6
583 It’s a little bit like a colonoscopy. 1.3309 0.05224 136 101 25 10
584 I don’t know what you’ve heard on the grapevine, but this is when everyone starts to have a great time 1.3309 0.05528 136 104 19 13
585 It’s like a colonoscopy - only from the other end 1.3309 0.05224 136 101 25 10
586 The good news is your health plan covers corkage fees. 1.3307 0.05007 127 91 30 6
587 You may feel a small pinch. 1.3293 0.04609 167 123 33 11
588 No need to whine, I’ll have you breathing easy in no time 1.3293 0.04667 164 121 32 11
589 Good news! I've got something that's going to help you breathe. 1.3292 0.04474 161 116 37 8
590 Just lie down and think of France. 1.3292 0.04644 161 118 33 10
591 Don't worry, it's a common procedure. 1.3291 0.04617 158 115 34 9
592 Once I remove that obstruction, you'll be able to breathe. 1.3289 0.04552 152 109 36 7
593 It’s a diagnostic probing. You’ll only feel a pinch. 1.3289 0.04646 152 110 34 8
594 I just want to examine your nose. 1.3289 0.04552 152 109 36 7
595 You may feel a little pinch. 1.3286 0.04803 140 101 32 7
596 I’ve gone through your notes - supple, full-bodied, and an excellent vintage. 1.3285 0.05294 137 103 23 11
597 I'm going to remove the cork so you can breath properly. 1.3282 0.05018 131 95 29 7
598 Looks like you’re going to have a frontal lobotomy, and I’m going to have a bottle in front of me. 1.3282 0.05677 131 101 17 13
599 Now this is not going to hurt one bit. 1.3281 0.05446 128 96 22 10
600 This will relieve the pressure for the both of us. 1.3277 0.05352 119 87 25 7
601 Why, yes, I DO have a procedure that will relieve the pain in your head! 1.3276 0.04550 174 129 33 12
602 Bend over and cough, please 1.3272 0.04275 162 115 41 6
603 Now, now, you don't want to turn into vinegar do you? 1.3272 0.04536 162 118 35 9
604 Well, you've reached that age. 1.3270 0.04679 159 117 32 10
605 Please don't screw up. 1.3269 0.04826 156 116 29 11
606 Unlike the others,this shot hurts when I pull it out. 1.3269 0.04826 156 116 29 11
607 I promise: no needles! 1.3267 0.04682 150 109 33 8
608 We'll all feel better when the procedure is over. 1.3264 0.04911 144 106 29 9
609 Now now Mr. Merlot, let’s un-bottle that anxiety. 1.3264 0.04709 144 104 33 7
610 Oh, I’m sorry, I thought you knew that “sommelier” is the French word for “proctologist”! 1.3262 0.05181 141 106 24 11
611 Don’t worry, this will only hurt a little. 1.3262 0.04982 141 104 28 9
612 Your test results came back. Let's savor the time you have. 1.3262 0.04879 141 103 30 8
613 I think what you really need to do is just breathe. 1.3261 0.05056 138 102 27 9
614 I've got just the cure for your pent-up stress . . . 1.3261 0.05056 138 102 27 9
615 Not to worry, you may hear a slight popping sound. 1.3256 0.05297 129 96 24 9
616 I only need a small sample for tasting - um, testing. 1.3256 0.05297 129 96 24 9
617 If you thought colonoscopies were bad… 1.3256 0.05181 129 95 26 8
618 Oui Monsieur Bordeaux... 25 years of age is a perfect time for this procedure 1.3254 0.05501 126 95 21 10
619 You have a pocket of fluid that needs to be drained. 1.3252 0.05476 123 92 22 9
620 Trust me, you'll be able to breathe a lot easier once I'm finished." 1.3248 0.04714 157 116 31 10
621 You'll be able to breathe easier after the procedure. 1.3248 0.04627 157 115 33 9
622 we need to have a more open relationship 1.3248 0.05672 117 88 20 9
623 Nothing to worry about. I perform corkectomies every single day. 1.3247 0.05036 154 117 24 13
624 Don’t worry, this procedure will have you breathing better in no time 1.3245 0.04656 151 110 33 8
625 I’ve come to help you breathe. 1.3245 0.04260 151 106 41 4
626 I need to send a sample down to the lab. They’re having a birthday party. 1.3237 0.04920 139 102 29 8
627 I hear you struggle with opening up 1.3237 0.05228 139 105 23 11
628 Wine letting. We've done it for centuries. 1.3237 0.04560 173 129 32 12
629 The good news is that you were born in a great year. 1.3235 0.04769 136 98 32 6
630 It's a new technique created by the French 1.3235 0.05310 136 103 22 11
631 Don't worry. This is a standard procedure in cases like yours. 1.3235 0.04882 136 99 30 7
632 The good news is that you don't need a colonoscopy! 1.3232 0.04489 164 120 35 9
633 Don’t worry. When I’m finished, you’ll be able to breathe. 1.3231 0.05697 130 101 16 13
634 You're just going to feel a little pinch. 1.3226 0.04478 155 112 36 7
635 Well, we just need to get to the bottom of it 1.3226 0.05316 124 92 24 8
636 First of all, you aren't being screwed. 1.3224 0.04630 152 111 33 8
637 This may sting a little. 1.3221 0.04881 149 111 28 10
638 It's a simple procedure for someone of your age. 1.3219 0.05137 146 111 23 12
639 Lobottlemy" is such a clinical designation. We prefer "decanture. 1.3214 0.04994 140 104 27 9
640 I promise you’ll feel a lot lighter after the procedure. 1.3212 0.04629 165 123 31 11
641 I'm afraid we're going to have to open you up. 1.3212 0.04962 137 101 28 8
642 It'll be out before you know it . 1.3212 0.05173 137 103 24 10
643 Sir, I would never screw you! 1.3212 0.05377 137 105 20 12
644 You'll feel a little pinch 1.3209 0.05360 134 102 21 11
645 I'm just going to help you breathe. 1.3208 0.04578 159 117 33 9
646 Good news! I have a cure for your breathing problem. 1.3208 0.04578 159 117 33 9
647 You’ll breathe so much better when it’s out. 1.3206 0.05227 131 98 24 9
648 Haha. 'I'm screwed.' That's a good one! 1.3205 0.04725 156 116 30 10
649 On the count of three, I need you to breathe. 1.3205 0.04546 156 114 34 8
650 I just need you to breathe. 1.3203 0.04697 128 91 33 4
651 You'll be able to breathe. 1.3200 0.04469 150 108 36 6
652 Don't worry. You'll only feel a little pinch. 1.3200 0.04665 150 110 32 8
653 I know you're feeling stopped up, and I have just the thing. 1.3197 0.04825 147 109 29 9
654 It's for your own good. Actually, for my own good. 1.3188 0.04823 138 101 30 7
655 We'll just need to send a sample off to the lab for tasting. 1.3186 0.05373 113 83 24 6
656 Just your standard lobottlemy 1.3186 0.05223 113 82 26 5
657 Lobotomies: some call them archaic, I call them ‘vintage.’ 1.3185 0.04893 135 99 29 7
658 If it's any consolation, you will be recycled. 1.3185 0.04893 135 99 29 7
659 Good news! You're aging nicely. 1.3182 0.04603 132 94 34 4
660 Better to have it out now while you're still fine. 1.3182 0.04848 132 96 30 6
661 Good guess but no, that's not where this one goes. 1.3179 0.04444 151 109 36 6
662 I assure you,it will help you breathe. 1.3179 0.04733 151 112 30 9
663 Unfortunately we can’t give you anesthesia as you are the influence of alcohol 1.3178 0.05501 129 99 19 11
664 Let me know if you feel any pain when I press down, okay? 1.3174 0.04502 167 124 33 10
665 We can do this now, but I 'd rather you come back in five years. 1.3173 0.05997 104 79 17 8
666 Think of it as giving yourself a chance to breathe. 1.3172 0.04962 145 109 26 10
667 After this procedure you will be able to breathe. 1.3172 0.04663 145 106 32 7
668 Allow me to help you breathe better! 1.3171 0.05074 123 90 27 6
669 You can't breathe? Let me help. 1.3171 0.05074 123 90 27 6
670 Just a twist and a pop, and you will be all better! 1.3171 0.05575 123 94 19 10
671 The anesthetic comes right after the procedure. 1.3169 0.04620 142 103 33 6
672 Of course, we won't really know how well you've aged until we open you up. 1.3169 0.04934 142 106 27 9
673 It only hurts for a second, and then I feel great. 1.3169 0.04832 142 105 29 8
674 I just need to drain some fluids. 1.3167 0.05156 120 88 26 6
675 I'm going to need you to breathe for me." 1.3165 0.04571 139 100 34 5
676 Good news! I'm having some guests for dinner, and you're invited. 1.3165 0.05109 139 105 24 10
677 Everything is going to be fine. You just need to breathe. 1.3165 0.05210 139 106 22 11
678 This is just what happens when you bottle things up. 1.3165 0.04571 139 100 34 5
679 We just need to draw a sample to run some tests. 1.3162 0.05516 117 88 21 8
680 You may experience a little mild discomfort. 1.3162 0.04749 136 99 31 6
681 You've reached the age where we have to do this. 1.3161 0.04645 155 115 31 9
682 Bad news is, we have to operate and with no sedation. 1.3158 0.05476 114 85 22 7
683 You're just going to feel a little bit of pressure. 1.3158 0.04888 152 115 26 11
684 It's only a question of time! 1.3158 0.04574 133 95 34 4
685 Now I'm going to ask that you breathe. 1.3158 0.04977 152 116 24 12
686 You're going to feel a tiny jab. 1.3158 0.05160 133 100 24 9
687 No worries! I do this procedure every day around this time. 1.3154 0.05395 149 118 15 16
688 You may not feel any better afterward, but I sure will. 1.3154 0.04770 149 111 29 9
689 Don't be embarrassed, this happens to pinots as they age 1.3154 0.05047 149 114 23 12
690 Don't worry. I've performed this procedure thousands of times. 1.3154 0.05126 130 97 25 8
691 A little pop and then you can breathe. 1.3152 0.04367 165 121 36 8
692 'It's called acupuncture' 1.3152 0.04533 165 123 32 10
693 Well, at least I didn't say bend over ! 1.3143 0.04764 140 103 30 7
694 The lab report came back. Good news, you were a very good vintage. 1.3141 0.04709 156 117 29 10
695 So, you indicated that you're have a problem breathing. 1.3140 0.05253 121 90 24 7
696 This is where you get screwed. 1.3139 0.05049 137 103 25 9
697 Once we get that fluid drained we'll both feel better. 1.3139 0.04832 137 101 29 7
698 Aging won't be an issue for you. 1.3139 0.04832 137 101 29 7
699 It’s a slightly invasive procedure but we want to rule out any bad pairing with cheese. 1.3139 0.05258 137 105 21 11
700 You’re anxiety can be alleviated with some simple breathing techniques. 1.3137 0.04771 153 115 28 10
701 You've aged wonderfully, my dear. Now, let's put it to the test. 1.3137 0.04396 153 111 36 6
702 I'm more of an enthusiast than a doctor. 1.3136 0.04918 118 85 29 4
703 Have you ever heard of a lobottlemy? 1.3134 0.05235 134 102 22 10
704 And then we’ll check your legs. 1.3134 0.05235 134 102 22 10
705 I'm happy to report that you're screwed. 1.3130 0.05574 115 87 20 8
706 If everything's good we won't have to do it again for ten years. 1.3130 0.04857 131 96 29 6
707 Relax! I have performed thousands of labottlemies! 1.3130 0.05093 131 98 25 8
708 It's a minor outpatient procedure. 1.3130 0.05318 131 100 21 10
709 I have the MRI results. It turns out that you're delicious! 1.3125 0.05070 144 110 23 11
710 Stop wining. It is a simple procedure - not a lobottlemy. 1.3125 0.04671 144 106 31 7
711 Open wide and say, "terroir". 1.3121 0.04841 141 105 28 8
712 Can I call you a Cab? 1.3119 0.05636 109 82 20 7
713 Let's release those bottled-up emotions. 1.3119 0.05636 109 82 20 7
714 don't worry, I've done this procedure over 200 times, maybe more. 1.3119 0.05636 109 82 20 7
715 Well,the good news is that we should be able to remove it 1.3119 0.06071 109 85 14 10
716 I just want to uncork your potential. 1.3117 0.04654 154 115 30 9
717 Don't worry! Everyone your vintage has this procedure. 1.3117 0.04654 154 115 30 9
718 I'm here to get rid of your blockage. 1.3116 0.04460 138 99 35 4
719 Ok, Mr. Merlot, we have an exciting new method of getting down to your problem! 1.3116 0.04339 138 98 37 3
720 The good news is we're only going to have to do this once. 1.3116 0.04911 138 103 27 8
721 Good news! One of us has reason to celebrate. 1.3116 0.04911 138 103 27 8
722 Don't worry. I do this procedure hundreds of time a month. 1.3113 0.04809 151 114 27 10
723 Don't worry, I feel very confident your 'lobottlemy' is going to go down smoothly. 1.3113 0.04525 151 111 33 7
724 Nothing serious. Bit of gas easily fixed. 1.3111 0.05201 135 103 22 10
725 You might feel a little pinch, but it's gonna feel so good to breathe again! 1.3106 0.04944 132 98 27 7
726 Fortunately, your insurance should cover the corkage fee. 1.3106 0.04825 132 97 29 6
727 Just a small poke and we'll drain off some of that fluid. 1.3103 0.04746 145 108 29 8
728 This would be less invasive if you came in a screw top. 1.3103 0.04540 145 106 33 6
729 Just a little pain, followed by an empty feeling. 1.3103 0.05110 116 85 26 5
730 The good news is that I've removed hundreds of those and everyone feels better afterwards. 1.3101 0.04570 158 118 31 9
731 yes, both literally as well as figuratively since with we no longer take your insurance. 1.3097 0.05491 113 85 21 7
732 It may be a painful procedure, but you won't be able to breathe without it. 1.3097 0.04537 155 115 32 8
733 You have aged really well. 1.3095 0.04709 126 91 31 4
734 Once we pop that cork off, I’ll be able to see how you’re aging! 1.3094 0.04433 139 100 35 4
735 After the procedure, I'm sure you'll be able to breathe easier. 1.3094 0.04662 139 102 31 6
736 It’s a very normal procedure so please no wine-ing… 1.3094 0.04433 139 100 35 4
737 If you want to breathe properly I'm going to have to perform an extraction. 1.3089 0.04916 123 90 28 5
738 You’ll only feel a little pressure. 1.3089 0.05049 123 91 26 6
739 Don't worry, I have just the thing to help you breathe 1.3088 0.04491 136 98 34 4
740 I know you tend to keep things bottled up but you’ve reached maturity and it’s time to let it all out… 1.3087 0.04939 149 114 24 11
741 Corkage fees are out-of pocket, I'm afraid. 1.3087 0.04656 149 111 30 8
742 You'll feel a little drained, but I assure you we'll both feel much better. 1.3087 0.04656 149 111 30 8
743 After a certain age it's practically mandatory. 1.3087 0.04656 149 111 30 8
744 It's a proven great stress reliever... 1.3084 0.05541 107 80 21 6
745 No, I am not using this to check your prostate. 1.3084 0.06145 107 84 13 10
746 It's the drink talking 1.3083 0.05525 120 92 19 9
747 Don't forget to breathe. 1.3083 0.05139 133 101 23 9
748 The cork is always the first to go. 1.3083 0.05027 133 100 25 8
749 We all stop aging eventually. 1.3082 0.04617 146 108 31 7
750 No, actually you are the perfect age for this procedure 1.3082 0.04718 146 109 29 8
751 Well, dear boy, it's the moment of truth...where we find out what you're made of! 1.3077 0.04679 143 106 30 7
752 Yes, it is invasive, but it will clear up that blockage. 1.3077 0.04741 130 95 30 5
753 This will only hurt for a second" 1.3071 0.05159 140 108 21 11
754 I need to test your white wine cell count. 1.3071 0.04851 140 105 27 8
755 I have good news… 1.3071 0.04634 140 103 31 6
756 Well, has it been a good year? 1.3071 0.04938 127 94 27 6
757 You're aging well. 1.3070 0.04846 114 82 29 3
758 Don't worry, this won't hurt a bit . . . unless your cork is dry. 1.3067 0.04819 150 114 26 10
759 bottoms up !! 1.3066 0.05135 137 105 22 10
760 Don't worry, we go in from the top. 1.3065 0.04746 124 90 30 4
761 The bad news is, based on your varietal, you won't age well. The good news is that you're perfect right now. 1.3063 0.05975 111 87 14 10
762 You want a second opinion before the extraction? Okay. You’re wearing an ugly label. 1.3063 0.05694 111 85 18 8
763 I'm sure you're fine! However, I'll require a quick sample for testing. 1.3063 0.05399 111 83 22 6
764 Your test results came in. You're screwed! 1.3060 0.04994 134 101 25 8
765 You'll breathe easier in no time! 1.3060 0.04764 134 99 29 6
766 Good News - your insurance does cover cork extraction..... 1.3060 0.05106 134 102 23 9
767 Who's ready for their detox? 1.3060 0.04881 134 100 27 7
768 This should help you breathe. 1.3058 0.05095 121 90 25 6
769 You will soon be able to breathe! 1.3056 0.04546 144 106 32 6
770 Betcha wish you were a screwtop. 1.3053 0.05185 131 100 22 9
771 The good news is that we can reduce your high pressure 1.3051 0.05178 118 88 24 6
772 I want to try a decongestant. 1.3051 0.05036 118 87 26 5
773 A little off the top?... 1.3051 0.04890 118 86 28 4
774 This will be a little more difficult than a colonoscopy. 1.3047 0.05384 128 99 19 10
775 What’s your vintage… I mean birthdate? 1.3047 0.05268 128 98 21 9
776 Let's see if we can help you breathe. 1.3046 0.04698 151 114 28 9
777 I have just the thing to help you unwind!" 1.3043 0.04997 138 105 24 9
778 You will feel a slight pressure but no pain 1.3043 0.05265 115 86 23 6
779 I think I can help you clear that blockage... 1.3040 0.05233 125 95 22 8
780 It'll help you breathe. 1.3040 0.05108 125 94 24 7
781 Just relax. I’m here to help you breathe. 1.3040 0.05233 125 95 22 8
782 This procedure is the sure fire way to lose all the weight you’re carrying. 1.3040 0.04980 125 93 26 6
783 We’ll, basically, you’re screwed if you do and screwed if you don’t! 1.3038 0.05056 158 125 18 15
784 You can wine all you want, but we still have to do this. 1.3038 0.04463 158 118 32 8
785 This will just pinch for a second. 1.3037 0.04850 135 101 27 7
786 I think it's best if you get some air. 1.3037 0.04495 135 98 33 4
787 This is my first case that fits one of my most enjoyable classes in Medical School......It is better to have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy. 1.3033 0.05807 122 97 13 12
788 Without this procedure you run the risk of becoming vinegar. 1.3033 0.05320 122 93 21 8
789 It’s a little like a colonoscopy 1.3033 0.05320 122 93 21 8
790 Don’t worry; I always pull out. 1.3033 0.05689 122 96 15 11
791 Don’t be nervous, just sit back and breathe. 1.3030 0.05037 132 100 24 8
792 It’ll be over in minutes and I won’t feel a thing! 1.3030 0.04921 132 99 26 7
793 Don't worry. I've done thousands of these. 1.3028 0.04687 142 106 29 7
794 Good News!, We've found a match, a dry aged ribeye. 1.3028 0.04996 142 109 23 10
795 You are healthy enough to drink! 1.3028 0.05132 109 80 25 4
796 I'm about to fix your breathing issue. 1.3026 0.04382 152 112 34 6
797 Trust me, this will help you breathe. 1.3025 0.05277 119 90 22 7
798 Please. Dr. Sommelier was my fathers name 1.3025 0.05141 119 89 24 6
799 Looks like we both need a shot 1.3025 0.05668 119 93 16 10
800 You were born in a great year. I'll need an extra large sample. 1.3023 0.04996 129 97 25 7
801 Are you sure there aren't any less invasive options we haven't explored yet, doc? 1.3022 0.04860 139 105 26 8
802 You'll just feel a little pinch when I take the sample 1.3022 0.04752 139 104 28 7
803 please no! I'm not aged yet! 1.3019 0.05714 106 81 18 7
804 The procedure is relatively painless,and your vintage is covered by Medicare. 1.3019 0.04615 159 121 28 10
805 You just need a bit of fresh air to get better. 1.3019 0.05390 106 79 22 5
806 You've kept things bottled up too long. I'll help you let it all out. 1.3016 0.05197 126 96 22 8
807 Let’s just take a little peek, shall we? 1.3016 0.04817 126 93 28 5
808 You mustn’t bottle up your emotions. 1.3016 0.04545 126 91 32 3
809 Don't worry -- this will just help you breathe better. 1.3014 0.04798 146 111 26 9
810 Now we are going to play a little game to help you open up... 1.3010 0.05661 103 78 19 6
811 I have something to relieve your headache... 1.3009 0.05010 113 83 26 4
812 I’m just going to check your nose and your legs. 1.3008 0.05529 123 96 17 10
813 Doc, why do you always schedule me at five o'clock? 1.3008 0.05155 123 93 23 7
814 Two quick turns and I’ll do the taste, er, testing. 1.3008 0.05441 133 105 16 12
815 Don't worry, your copay covers corkage. 1.3008 0.05005 133 101 24 8
816 Just a tiny poke. 1.3008 0.04526 133 97 32 4
817 We just need to do a few tastes, I mean tests 1.3008 0.04889 133 100 26 7
818 What did you say your date of birth was? 1.3000 0.05081 130 99 23 8
819 You’re at that age now 1.3000 0.05081 130 99 23 8
820 You could save someone’s life with this donation. 1.3000 0.05371 120 92 20 8
821 Well the good news is you don't have cancer, the bad news is I typically open a bottle of wine when I give that news... 1.2993 0.04570 147 110 30 7
822 You won't feel a thing... and once I'm done with you, neither will I. 1.2993 0.05146 147 116 18 13
823 I will be happy to examine you more closely after you breathe a while 1.2993 0.04789 137 103 27 7
824 Don't worry you'll be able to breathe in a minute! 1.2993 0.04900 137 104 25 8
825 Fear of needles? Well then, good news... 1.2992 0.05281 127 98 20 9
826 Well, yes, today I am screwing with you. 1.2992 0.05039 127 96 24 7
827 You're gonna feel a little trickle. 1.2992 0.05161 127 97 22 8
828 We're just going to drain a little fluid. 1.2991 0.05188 117 88 23 6
829 You came to the right person. 1.2991 0.05188 117 88 23 6
830 This is the “ Stormy Daniels Procedure “ - takes less than 90 seconds and you won’t feel a thing. 1.2991 0.05728 117 92 15 10
831 Ah.. You only 'think' you're a screw top! 1.2991 0.04896 117 86 27 4
832 …don’t worry, I found a way for you to give blood after all..! 1.2991 0.05044 117 87 25 5
833 Trust me, I'll just put in the tip. 1.2991 0.05510 107 81 20 6
834 No, no! You are aging excellently! 1.2985 0.04621 134 99 30 5
835 No sense in keeping everything bottled up inside. 1.2984 0.04989 124 93 25 6
836 Yes, we can relieve that ‘full body’ feeling you’re experiencing. 1.2984 0.05245 124 95 21 8
837 We may experience symptoms of dizziness or fatigue. 1.2982 0.05421 114 87 20 7
838 I'd just like to help you relax and breathe 1.2982 0.05127 114 85 24 5
839 This procedure will help you breathe. 1.2982 0.05276 114 86 22 6
840 This procedure is very common for older bottles such as yourself. 1.2982 0.05276 114 86 22 6
841 Oh, I can definitely cure you of that bottled up feeling. 1.2982 0.04650 114 82 30 2
842 Medical humor. Actually, I'm going ice fishing tomorrow. 1.2982 0.05276 114 86 22 6
843 Just to verify, how old are you again? 1.2982 0.05276 114 86 22 6
844 At your age, it would be irresponsible not to 1.2981 0.05778 104 80 17 7
845 As your doctor, I am here to serve you. 1.2979 0.04473 141 104 32 5
846 I have just the thing to get you to open up. 1.2977 0.04930 131 99 25 7
847 Well, yes. The procedure is somewhat invasive. 1.2976 0.04184 168 125 36 7
848 I can assure you, at your age, it's a routine procedure" 1.2975 0.05333 121 93 20 8
849 And the good news is your insurance covers the corkage fee. 1.2975 0.04930 121 90 26 5
850 Now let's see if you're bone dry. 1.2973 0.05519 111 85 19 7
851 For someone of your vintage, it's recommended every five years. 1.2973 0.05214 111 83 23 5
852 Sorry, but it’s time to pull the plug. 1.2971 0.04759 138 104 27 7
853 Now as you know, you’re over forty… 1.2971 0.04869 138 105 25 8
854 I understand we’re getting a flute shot today? 1.2971 0.04531 138 102 31 5
855 You'll feel a little pressure, nothing to whine about! 1.2970 0.05367 101 75 22 4
856 I know just the thing to relieve your headaches. 1.2969 0.04621 128 94 30 4
857 This won't hurt and it will help you breath. 1.2969 0.04753 128 95 28 5
858 It's just a little something we have to do when you get to a certain age. 1.2969 0.05245 128 99 20 9
859 I have excellent news, you’re just the right age for decanting! 1.2969 0.04486 128 93 32 3
860 Would I screw you? 1.2966 0.05150 118 89 23 6
861 Not to worry. I've dealt with lots of cases like yours over the years. 1.2963 0.05773 108 84 16 8
862 I promise it is not a lobottlemy 1.2963 0.05465 108 82 20 6
863 Wanna screw around? 1.2963 0.06066 108 86 12 10
864 Don't worry, if anything goes wrong we'll use mouth to mouth respiration. 1.2961 0.04652 152 116 27 9
865 I recommend this procedure for all patients of a certain vintage" 1.2961 0.04558 152 115 29 8
866 Now, breathe… 1.2960 0.04955 125 94 25 6
867 The nurse will be back in a moment with your test results and a decanter 1.2958 0.04771 142 108 26 8
868 You'll feel a small release of pressure, and then just breathe. 1.2957 0.05236 115 87 22 6
869 Me? No! It's the insurance companies that will screw you over! 1.2957 0.05657 115 90 16 9
870 It’s a vintage procedure 1.2955 0.04778 132 99 27 6
871 You are at the age where we need to do this. 1.2952 0.05567 105 80 19 6
872 I promise this will help you breathe normally. 1.2951 0.05165 122 93 22 7
873 Yes, well, we'll see just how well you've really aged. 1.2951 0.05294 122 94 20 8
874 It’s nothing to be ashamed about, but we have to remove the blockage. 1.2951 0.04895 122 91 26 5
875 On the bright side, you're aging beautifully 1.2951 0.04755 122 90 28 4
876 Wouldn’t it be nice to just breathe for a while? 1.2946 0.05621 112 87 17 8
877 So, I heard it through the grapevine you're not feeling well. 1.2946 0.04848 129 97 26 6
878 It'll just be a little prick. 1.2946 0.05209 129 100 20 9
879 Happiness is not out there. It's inside you. Here, let me show you. 1.2946 0.05437 129 102 16 11
880 I have a new therapeutic technique that will help you open up. 1.2946 0.05092 129 99 22 8
881 Once I help you breathe you’ll mellow out. 1.2946 0.05092 129 99 22 8
882 It’ll hurt a little. Then we’ll let you breathe. 1.2941 0.04971 119 89 25 5
883 You’re going to hear a “pop” 1.2941 0.05250 119 91 21 7
884 I have a little something to take the pressure off. 1.2941 0.05250 119 91 21 7
885 I’m just going to do a little something to help you breathe. 1.2941 0.05843 102 79 16 7
886 Good news: you're insurance company is covering the corkage fee. 1.2941 0.05113 119 90 23 6
887 you're just ging to feel a little prick 1.2941 0.05018 136 105 22 9
888 The extraction will be painless. 1.2941 0.04971 119 89 25 5
889 The next test will tell me how well you're aging. 1.2941 0.05501 102 77 20 5
890 Screw who? 1.2941 0.05675 102 78 18 6
891 Once we remove it, we let you breathe for a few minutes 1.2937 0.05528 126 100 15 11
892 Just a minor procedure to help you breathe. 1.2937 0.04790 126 94 27 5
893 Your best qualities have been bottled up for too long. 1.2937 0.04921 126 95 25 6
894 Once I release those nasty sulfites, your headaches will magically disappear. 1.2937 0.04790 126 94 27 5
895 I'll just need you to scooch down a little bit more. 1.2937 0.05294 126 98 19 9
896 I know it sounds scary, but this procedure will give you legs AND let you breathe. 1.2936 0.05263 109 82 22 5
897 Life is a Cabernet, old chum..It's only a Cabernet... 1.2936 0.05727 109 85 16 8
898 You may very well be screwed now, but at least afterward you'll be able to breathe 1.2934 0.04753 167 132 21 14
899 Don’t worry, you will breathe so much better. 1.2932 0.05205 133 104 19 10
900 You'll just feel a little pinch 1.2931 0.05340 116 89 20 7
901 No worries, we have a solution to your breathing problem. 1.2931 0.05051 116 87 24 5
902 I'm not strictly an optometrist but I AM here to get you into some glasses 1.2931 0.05197 116 88 22 6
903 When were you bottled, again? 1.2929 0.05607 99 75 19 5
904 What say we introduce you to some fresh air? 1.2929 0.05607 99 75 19 5
905 I call it a 'corkonoscopy'. 1.2929 0.06300 99 79 11 9
906 Trust me, it'll help you breathe. 1.2929 0.05788 99 76 17 6
907 I would like to keep you here overnight for observation, and possibly some samples" 1.2929 0.05420 99 74 21 4
908 Don't worry, this is gonna hurt me more than it's gonna hurt you 1.2929 0.05788 99 76 17 6
909 The next procedure will be performed in the staff room. 1.2927 0.04861 123 92 26 5
910 The good news is, you have aged well. 1.2927 0.04861 123 92 26 5
911 You need to breathe. 1.2927 0.05128 123 94 22 7
912 actually, this MIGHT hurt you more than it hurts me... 1.2923 0.04816 130 98 26 6
913 We're just going to let you breathe. 1.2920 0.05134 113 85 23 5
914 The surgeon agrees, we have to open you up! 1.2920 0.05286 113 86 21 6
915 I’m not screwing you. I’m unleashing your potential. 1.2920 0.05577 113 88 17 8
916 Great news! With your insurance there's no corkage fee! 1.2917 0.05212 120 92 21 7
917 Your procedure isn't scheduled until five o'clock, but you know what they say 1.2917 0.05474 120 94 17 9
918 Are you the one who wants a screw top? 1.2913 0.05137 127 98 21 8
919 It's just a little something to help you breathe. 1.2913 0.05374 127 100 17 10
920 The only way to get the answer is to open you up. 1.2913 0.05013 127 97 23 7
921 It’s a common procedure. You’ll only feel a little poke. 1.2910 0.04345 134 98 33 3
922 I have a special tool to help with your fluid retention 1.2910 0.04949 134 103 23 8
923 This isn't easy to say, but we need a tasting... er, sample 1.2909 0.05681 110 86 16 8
924 Don’t worry this is our most reliable anti-aging procedure 1.2909 0.05826 110 87 14 9
925 Let's check your tannins, shall we? 1.2906 0.04865 117 87 26 4
926 I know just the thing to help you breathe. 1.2906 0.05159 117 89 22 6
927 Turn your head to the side for me and cough 1.2906 0.05014 117 88 24 5
928 After this procedure you may feel a little light-headed, but that'll make two of us. 1.2903 0.05092 124 95 22 7
929 I'm going to need you to bend over. 1.2901 0.04905 131 100 24 7
930 No need to fret…I haven’t lost a cork since the ‘87 Gewürztraminer. 1.2897 0.05313 107 81 21 5
931 I see you're a 40 year old vintage. 1.2895 0.04941 114 85 25 4
932 This is the only one covered by your plan. 1.2895 0.05534 114 89 17 8
933 You need to open up. 1.2893 0.04901 121 91 25 5
934 Technically, it's not a lobotomy. 1.2893 0.04901 121 91 25 5
935 So, I have a treatment that will help you breath. 1.2893 0.04758 121 90 27 4
936 Which end ? 1.2893 0.05174 121 93 21 7
937 I think I have something to release all that pressure you have...well, bottled up. 1.2893 0.05174 121 93 21 7
938 I need a second opinion. 1.2893 0.05040 121 92 23 6
939 Don't look so worried. I'm just here to help you breathe. 1.2891 0.05221 128 100 19 9
940 Colonoscopy? Couldn't be simpler. 1.2891 0.05101 128 99 21 8
941 Did I say ‘frontal lobottlemy?’ Talk about a Freudian slip! 1.2891 0.05451 128 102 15 11
942 The uncorking may sting a bit, but the decanting is painless. 1.2889 0.04567 135 101 29 5
943 Why not change that tight corked feeling for one of an expressive high note, with legs? 1.2887 0.05475 97 73 20 4
944 At twenty you were just another full bodied red. At seventy, you're exquisite. 1.2885 0.05744 104 81 16 7
945 You'll be breathing freely in no time! 1.2885 0.05234 104 78 22 4
946 We have ways to make you open up. 1.2885 0.05579 104 80 18 6
947 Trust me. You'll breathe better." 1.2885 0.05579 104 80 18 6
948 This procedure is my suggested weight loss plan for you. 1.2883 0.05337 111 85 20 6
949 So, you wanted to discuss some concerns about aging? 1.2883 0.05181 111 84 22 5
950 It's similar to a lobotomy, but it's called an 'Unbottleme' 1.2883 0.05181 111 84 22 5
951 You are now a 50 year old vintage , so it's time for your Corkorectomy 1.2883 0.05488 111 86 18 7
952 You just got the nod from upstairs. 1.2881 0.05260 118 91 20 7
953 A wine your age really should have this done every five years. 1.2880 0.04795 125 94 26 5
954 The donor registry identified you as a perfect match with pork. 1.2879 0.04873 132 101 24 7
955 You'll feel a little sting and a little pressure. 1.2879 0.05105 132 103 20 9
956 The bottle in front of me needs a frontal lobotomy. 1.2872 0.05784 94 72 17 5
957 I'm afraid it's your time. 1.2871 0.05139 101 75 23 3
958 It's a simple procedure that will make it much easier for you breathe. 1.2871 0.05688 101 78 17 6
959 It’s a kind of twist on the usual blood sample. 1.2871 0.05139 101 75 23 3
960 It's like taking off a tight shoe...and then you can breathe. 1.2870 0.05432 108 83 19 6
961 Don't worry, you'll be breathing in no time. 1.2870 0.05104 108 81 23 4
962 No worries - it's an age-old procedure to help you breathe. 1.2870 0.05104 108 81 23 4
963 Don't worry. I've done this removal procedure a thousand times. 1.2870 0.04753 108 79 27 2
964 This will ease the pressure for both of us. 1.2870 0.04904 115 86 25 4
965 Not gonna lie. Your time is up. 1.2870 0.05057 115 87 23 5
966 We're going to need a specimen. 1.2870 0.05628 115 91 15 9
967 This will help you breathe more easily. 1.2870 0.04746 115 85 27 3
968 We'll have that thing out in a jiffy,and then you'll be able to breathe. 1.2870 0.05206 115 88 21 6
969 Basically, you're screwed. 1.2869 0.05267 122 95 19 8
970 Now now, you shouldn't be afraid of this at your age! 1.2869 0.04866 122 92 25 5
971 Trust me, they’re all switching to the screw cap. 1.2869 0.05004 122 93 23 6
972 Well Mr. Pinot, your results came back and everything looks grape" 1.2868 0.05185 129 101 19 9
973 "Trust me, you'll finally be able to breathe. 1.2868 0.04564 129 96 29 4
974 This guy’s gonna screw me… 1.2868 0.04657 136 103 27 6
975 Well the good news is your plan covers corkage with no deductible or co-pay. 1.2867 0.04471 150 114 29 7
976 But enough bad news. I understand you signed a donor card ... 1.2857 0.04982 112 84 24 4
977 Normally the patient whines during the procedure and I wine after... 1.2857 0.05696 105 82 16 7
978 Trouble breathing? 1.2857 0.05141 112 85 22 5
979 Yes, you are about to get screwed! 1.2857 0.05222 119 92 20 7
980 You're tense. I have something that will open you up a bit. 1.2857 0.05012 105 78 24 3
981 Is this your first time donating wine? 1.2857 0.04677 140 107 26 7
982 Don’t worry. You don’t have to turn around and bend over this time. 1.2857 0.04957 133 103 22 8
983 Can you believe it’s been five years already? 1.2857 0.05083 119 91 22 6
984 I only have to draw one glass. 1.2857 0.05445 112 87 18 7
985 You'll be breathing easy in just moment. 1.2857 0.04677 140 107 26 7
986 You're a little immature, nice nose but no legs 1.2857 0.05855 105 83 14 8
987 What makes you think I'm just thirsty? 1.2857 0.05427 98 74 20 4
988 It's a novel way to stop aging" 1.2857 0.05981 98 77 14 7
989 Trust me, it's not as bad as a prostate exam. 1.2857 0.05268 126 99 18 9
990 Now you know why you should always ask for a female doctor. 1.2857 0.05981 98 77 14 7
991 This may seem a little.. uh, invasive, but you’ll be able to breathe better. 1.2857 0.04677 140 107 26 7
992 We’ll need to drain the fluids before proceeding 1.2857 0.04982 112 84 24 4
993 Unfortunately, the corkage fee is not covered by your insurance 1.2857 0.05191 105 79 22 4
994 I’ll give you another hint: it’s bigger than a stethoscope. 1.2847 0.04389 137 102 31 4
995 Is this your first time donating in Napa Valley? 1.2846 0.04663 130 98 27 5
996 I'm afraid this isn't going to be a very good year for you. 1.2846 0.04912 130 100 23 7
997 I’m the opposite of your insurance company – I’m here to unscrew you. 1.2846 0.05101 123 95 21 7
998 I'll need a blood sample large enough for our staff Happy Hour." 1.2846 0.05230 123 96 19 8
999 This won't hurt a bit, we just need to drain some fluid. 1.2845 0.04868 116 87 25 4
1000 I promise. You will feel better after a few quick turns. 1.2845 0.04711 116 86 27 3
1001 You're at risk of being caught in a downward spiral. Trust me. 1.2845 0.04868 116 87 25 4
1002 So, your date of birth is 1945? 1.2843 0.05464 102 78 19 5
1003 We need to talk about your blood pressure 1.2843 0.05639 102 79 17 6
1004 Okay now, I’m just going to need you to breathe. 1.2843 0.05283 102 77 21 4
1005 Look, you're 50 years old, it really is time to get screened. 1.2837 0.04965 141 111 20 10
1006 Wait, I already had my colonoscopy. 1.2836 0.04691 134 102 26 6
1007 I hear you are feeling stopped up. 1.2836 0.04691 134 102 26 6
1008 You'll feel awful. But I'll feel amazing. 1.2835 0.04730 127 96 26 5
1009 It's just to loosen you up. 1.2835 0.04860 127 97 24 6
1010 Yes, this exact procedure, hundreds of times. And no, haven't touched a bottle in a week. 1.2835 0.04458 127 94 30 3
1011 First, I am going to open you, so you can breathe properly. Failing that, I’ll have to perform mouth-to-mouth. 1.2835 0.05232 127 100 18 9
1012 Your tests show that you've been keeping things bottled up to long. 1.2833 0.05046 120 92 22 6
1013 Let's just relieve some of that pressure, shall we? 1.2833 0.04906 120 91 24 5
1014 You'll feel a small sting, then I'll feel a pleasant buzz. 1.2833 0.05317 120 94 18 8
1015 Alternatively, we could lay you to rest in a cold dark place, deep underground for ages - even then, there's no guarantee you'll get any better. 1.2833 0.05046 120 92 22 6
1016 I hope I won't be too much of a pain in the neck. 1.2832 0.04944 113 85 24 4
1017 Could you spin around and let me see your label again? 1.2832 0.04944 113 85 24 4
1018 You will only feel a small prick. 1.2832 0.05102 113 86 22 5
1019 I'll have you breathing easier in a minute. 1.2832 0.05547 113 89 16 8
1020 Before I can get to the bottom of this, you're going to need to breathe. 1.2832 0.05254 113 87 20 6
1021 Yes, at your age this procedure is recommended 1.2832 0.05402 113 88 18 7
1022 At your age, this procedure is recommended. 1.2832 0.04782 113 84 26 3
1023 The good news is that you are fine, very very fine. 1.2832 0.04782 113 84 26 3
1024 I'm going to conduct a full-bodied exam. 1.2830 0.05321 106 81 20 5
1025 I have a solution to your feeling bloated! 1.2828 0.05927 99 78 14 7
1026 Say cheese 1.2824 0.04633 131 99 27 5
1027 Sorry, but we can't use anesthesia in your case. It might bruise the wine. 1.2824 0.04633 131 99 27 5
1028 Reverse order today, screw first then drink 1.2823 0.04799 124 94 25 5
1029 Now, now, there’s nothing to fear. I’m just going to help you breathe a little bit. 1.2823 0.04799 124 94 25 5
1030 Your treatment plan includes plenty of bread and cheese. 1.2823 0.04799 124 94 25 5
1031 After the procedure we offer complimentary cheese and crackers. 1.2821 0.05270 117 91 19 7
1032 I think we have a solution for your weight problem. 1.2821 0.05128 117 90 21 6
1033 Trust me, I want nothing more than to help you breathe. 1.2821 0.05128 117 90 21 6
1034 So I hear you've been bottled up for awhile." 1.2818 0.05346 110 85 19 6
1035 Now I want you to breathe. 1.2818 0.04855 110 82 25 3
1036 Now, let's see if we can get to the bottom of your problem. 1.2817 0.04283 142 106 32 4
1037 Prepare to be screwed 1.2816 0.05758 103 81 15 7
1038 Just one more step, and you will be able to breathe like never before. 1.2812 0.04953 128 99 22 7
1039 Don't worry, these changes are common at your age. 1.2812 0.04698 128 97 26 5
1040 I noticed on your intake form that you were born in 1926 in Bordeaux! 1.2812 0.05075 128 100 20 8
1041 Draining blockages is my specialty. 1.2812 0.04565 128 96 28 4
1042 It will only hurt for a second and then at last you will be able to breathe. 1.2812 0.04953 128 99 22 7
1043 You can't keep things bottled up. 1.2810 0.04871 121 92 24 5
1044 It's a very common procedure at your vintage. 1.2807 0.04907 114 86 24 4
1045 After the blockage is removed, I should be feeling much better. 1.2807 0.05214 114 88 20 6
1046 Dont worry this one doesn't go down there 1.2807 0.04907 114 86 24 4
1047 Relax, we just need 8 ounces. 1.2807 0.05214 114 88 20 6
1048 You've appropriately aged! Now is the time for your colonoscopy. 1.2807 0.05063 114 87 22 5
1049 I think I have found a cure. 1.2807 0.05063 114 87 22 5
1050 Think how much longer you lasted than the Beaujolais nouveau! 1.2806 0.04793 139 108 23 8
1051 Bet you're sorry you are not a screwtop now! 1.2804 0.05442 107 83 18 6
1052 So what’s this about you feeling all stopped up ? 1.2803 0.04602 132 100 27 5
1053 Relax, this procedure will allow you to finally breathe 1.2803 0.04602 132 100 27 5
1054 You are ready to be uncorked, my friend. 1.2800 0.05140 100 75 22 3
1055 Simple procedure? Sounds pretty invasive. 1.2800 0.04628 125 94 27 4
1056 Don't worry. We perform this procedure regularly 1.2800 0.04765 125 95 25 5
1057 Now, let's have a look at that cork of yours." 1.2800 0.05140 100 75 22 3
1058 I’ve learned that it’s not good to keep things bottled up. 1.2797 0.05090 118 91 21 6
1059 You have aged well - up to now. 1.2797 0.05231 118 92 19 7
1060 You'll feel much better when I help you to breath... 1.2797 0.04797 118 89 25 4
1061 I’ve come to celebrate our tenth anniversary together. 1.2797 0.04946 118 90 23 5
1062 Lastly, we just need to do a check of your vintage. 1.2797 0.04797 118 89 25 4
1063 I'll respect you even more in the morning, but, yes, you are going to be screwed. 1.2796 0.06185 93 74 12 7
1064 Now I will perform a frontal labottlemy. 1.2793 0.05456 111 87 17 7
1065 You should see what we use for a routine pap smear 1.2793 0.05303 111 86 19 6
1066 Don’t worry, this is a common procedure for bottles of your vintage. 1.2793 0.04985 111 84 23 4
1067 You'll feel a little poke. 1.2791 0.04794 129 99 24 6
1068 I WAS JUST THINKING, WHAT A WONDERFUL DAY TO GET SOME AIR AND BREATHE! 1.2791 0.04794 129 99 24 6
1069 Don't worry, in med school we practiced this procedure every day. 1.2788 0.05709 104 82 15 7
1070 I have the solution for all your problems." 1.2788 0.05372 104 80 19 5
1071 Let me relieve that pressure for you. 1.2788 0.05195 104 79 21 4
1072 This should help you breathe a little easier. 1.2787 0.05367 122 97 16 9
1073 We just need to open your mind. 1.2787 0.04836 122 93 24 5
1074 I need to let you breathe a little because you’ve been a bit corky lately. 1.2787 0.04974 122 94 22 6
1075 It will hurt a lot less coming out… 1.2787 0.04974 122 94 22 6
1076 It's a simple procedure. When you wake up in recovery, just focus on breathing. 1.2786 0.04309 140 105 31 4
1077 You look like you're having a little trouble breathing... 1.2784 0.05231 97 73 21 3
1078 Now, let's get rid of that sinus pressure once and for all 1.2784 0.05997 97 77 13 7
1079 In a minute I'll need you to breath deep. 1.2783 0.04870 115 87 24 4
1080 You've reached that age where I really have to do this. 1.2783 0.05174 115 89 20 6
1081 It depends...what are you serving? 1.2782 0.04182 133 98 33 2
1082 Don't worry, we go in through your groin. 1.2778 0.06326 90 72 11 7
1083 Let's have a look up top 1.2778 0.05235 108 83 20 5
1084 I have a new treatment to relieve the pressure you have been complaining about..... 1.2778 0.04994 126 98 21 7
1085 Don't be silly. Your fear of doctors is completely irrational. 1.2778 0.05067 108 82 22 4
1086 You simply need a few deep breaths. 1.2778 0.04893 108 81 24 3
1087 I have some bad news, but let's have a drink first ! 1.2778 0.04893 108 81 24 3
1088 Don’t be embarrassed. I’ve removed things far stranger than a cork. 1.2778 0.05703 90 69 17 4
1089 One of the disadvantages of 50 year aging. 1.2778 0.05703 90 69 17 4
1090 You have nothing to worry about. I've performed thousands of these procedures. 1.2778 0.05859 108 87 12 9
1091 No, I wouldn't describe it as an invasive procedure... 1.2778 0.05480 90 68 19 3
1092 Don't worry, you're aging quite nicely. 1.2772 0.04899 101 75 24 2
1093 Look, we just need to take a peek inside and make sure you're aging properly... 1.2772 0.05990 101 81 12 8
1094 Unfortunately your insurer doesn’t cover corkage… 1.2772 0.05288 101 77 20 4
1095 I'm here to improve my bedside manner. 1.2772 0.05472 101 78 18 5
1096 I know you’re nervous, but I need you to breathe. 1.2772 0.05650 101 79 16 6
1097 We just need to check your levels of Oak and Tannins. 1.2769 0.04505 130 98 28 4
1098 Don't worry after your decanting both of us will feel better! 1.2768 0.05107 112 86 21 5
1099 Looks like you're due for an oxidation. You'll feel a small stick then some pressure. 1.2768 0.05107 112 86 21 5
1100 Nothing. 1.2768 0.05262 112 87 19 6
1101 Don't worry, it's only a little prick. 1.2768 0.05262 112 87 19 6
1102 I am only here to serve you. 1.2768 0.05262 112 87 19 6
1103 I promise that your donation will be going to a good cause. 1.2768 0.04947 112 85 23 4
1104 No you didn't. You didn't see anything behind my back. 1.2768 0.04610 112 83 27 2
1105 This is a very routine procedure for men your vintage 1.2768 0.05107 112 86 21 5
1106 This will help with your flow. 1.2766 0.05936 94 74 14 6
1107 A little fresh air will do you good. 1.2764 0.04939 123 95 22 6
1108 I saw on your chart you were born in 1976...good year. 1.2762 0.05152 105 80 21 4
1109 Today we will be checking your real age. 1.2761 0.04665 134 103 25 6
1110 I'm seeing a plate of fava beans after you. 1.2759 0.04987 116 89 22 5
1111 You can relax. I've done this procedure hundreds of times. 1.2759 0.05135 116 90 20 6
1112 I see your chart says you were born in 1959, Mr. Rothschild? 1.2759 0.05279 116 91 18 7
1113 You may feel a little discomfort. 1.2759 0.04429 145 111 28 6
1114 Just sip back and relax 1.2759 0.04987 116 89 22 5
1115 I’m guessing that your superiority complex regarding screw-cap bottles is dissipating as we speak. 1.2756 0.05084 127 100 19 8
1116 I know you're appellation controle'e, but here in California the law is just a tad different. 1.2756 0.04959 127 99 21 7
1117 It is an invasive procedure, but you have no need to worry. It’s routine for me. 1.2756 0.04832 127 98 23 6
1118 My nurse tells me your worried your insurance won't cover corkage? 1.2755 0.05385 98 75 19 4
1119 I’m here to screw you! 1.2755 0.05577 98 76 17 5
1120 Nooo, it goes right in. 1.2755 0.05762 98 77 15 6
1121 Don’t wine, no shots today. 1.2755 0.05186 98 74 21 3
1122 No, I mean literally. 1.2752 0.05193 109 84 20 5
1123 There's no cure for getting old, but you're the perfect age for something 1.2752 0.05027 109 83 22 4
1124 Now we just need a blood draw to taste, I mean test your fluids. 1.2752 0.05027 109 83 22 4
1125 Your insurance doesn’t cover the automatic. 1.2752 0.05193 109 84 20 5
1126 Ya know, a twist-off would be much less painful! 1.2750 0.04874 120 92 23 5
1127 Time to open up! 1.2750 0.04874 120 92 23 5
1128 All vintages over fifty need to have this done once a year. 1.2748 0.04853 131 102 22 7
1129 Lobotomy is your best option and it has the lowest deductible 1.2746 0.04703 142 111 23 8
1130 Since therapy hasn’t helped you open up, we’re going to try a more direct approach. 1.2746 0.04911 142 113 19 10
1131 After this we'll have a drink and everything will be fine. 1.2745 0.04858 102 76 24 2
1132 The only side effect is a feeling of emptiness. 1.2742 0.05164 124 98 18 8
1133 It was at this moment the Screw-Cap wine decided to seek a second opinion 1.2742 0.05290 124 99 16 9
1134 You just breathe and let me worry about the co-pay 1.2741 0.04635 135 104 25 6
1135 As your proctologist, I'm obliged to say 'Bottoms up!'" 1.2737 0.04836 95 70 24 1
1136 It’s the answer to your alcohol problem. 1.2737 0.05279 95 72 20 3
1137 This is just a little something to help you breathe. 1.2737 0.05687 95 74 16 5
1138 Je parle français 1.2737 0.05279 95 72 20 3
1139 But you ARE a sedative. 1.2737 0.05687 95 74 16 5
1140 This has nothing to do with the office party that starts in 10 minutes. 1.2736 0.04931 106 80 23 3
1141 You're going to feel a slight tug. 1.2736 0.05451 106 83 17 6
1142 You'll finally get to breathe. 1.2736 0.05110 106 81 21 4
1143 Good news! You stopped aging! 1.2735 0.04798 117 89 24 4
1144 You might feel a little pressure but we’ll have you breathe for 10 minutes afterwards. 1.2735 0.04798 117 89 24 4
1145 This will only hurt a little. Then you can breathe 1.2735 0.04798 117 89 24 4
1146 I'll start with a small sample. But if that goes well, we may need to take the whole bottle. 1.2734 0.04798 128 99 23 6
1147 The procedure is recommended for your age." 1.2734 0.04668 128 98 25 5
1148 Your tests are all good, but you do need to breathe. A simple procedure can be performed right here. 1.2734 0.05169 128 102 17 9
1149 You may hear a slight popping sound. 1.2734 0.04925 128 100 21 7
1150 I have just the thing to help you breathe... 1.2727 0.05766 88 68 16 4
1151 Let's see what's going on inside of you, shall we? 1.2727 0.05116 121 95 19 7
1152 Simple, fast and safe procedure. It will all be over when you here a pop. 1.2727 0.05766 88 68 16 4
1153 We're going to find out how approachable you are. 1.2727 0.04979 121 94 21 6
1154 The test prep is uncomfortable, but it’s not the worst part. 1.2727 0.05337 99 76 19 4
1155 ... then you'll have an hour to breathe. 1.2727 0.04987 110 84 22 4
1156 I have just the thing for your blockage. 1.2727 0.04987 110 84 22 4
1157 Oh no, not invasive at all, and it will help you breathe so much better! 1.2727 0.05466 110 87 16 7
1158 My nurse says your experiencing chills and feel like you've aged 1.2727 0.05311 110 86 18 6
1159 Why do I feel like I’m about to get screwed? 1.2727 0.05888 99 79 13 7
1160 Just remove your foil and tilt forwards, this wont hurt a bit 1.2727 0.04821 132 103 22 7
1161 We need to run some tests, but I’m fairly certain you’re a red. 1.2727 0.05311 110 86 18 6
1162 . " so, you're gonna feel a bit of pop and release of air. 1.2727 0.04817 110 83 24 3
1163 Removing your cork is going to help you breathe better. 1.2727 0.05337 99 76 19 4
1164 Sorry to tell you: You're screwed! 1.2721 0.04362 136 103 29 4
1165 Yes, I believe we can relieve that tightness you're feeling in the top of your head." 1.2720 0.05000 125 98 20 7
1166 Call it what you will. You'll be open and breathing. 1.2720 0.04869 125 97 22 6
1167 I bet you wish you had a screw top right about now! 1.2720 0.05000 125 98 20 7
1168 You’re not screwed after all! 1.2720 0.04597 125 95 26 4
1169 how do I put this delicately… you’re screwed 🤷🏻‍♀️ 1.2720 0.05000 125 98 20 7
1170 Let's celebrate your recovery. 1.2719 0.05328 114 90 17 7
1171 This should help you breathe for a while. 1.2719 0.05028 114 88 21 5
1172 Any last words? 1.2719 0.05180 114 89 19 6
1173 Unfortunately, unlike today’s prostate cancer screening for men, there is no less invasive test to diagnose oxidation. 1.2719 0.05180 114 89 19 6
1174 Bend over ... and don't forget to breath 1.2718 0.05378 103 80 18 5
1175 Don’t fret. The result are back and all your vitals are better with aging. 1.2718 0.05721 103 82 14 7
1176 All right Vinnie, get ready to cough. 1.2718 0.05012 103 78 22 3
1177 I'd like you to just breathe for 30 minutes. 1.2714 0.04738 140 110 22 8
1178 You're going to feel a pinch. 1.2713 0.04637 129 99 25 5
1179 This might sting a little. 1.2712 0.05058 118 92 20 6
1180 I have good news! Your insurance WILL cover 80% of the corkage fee 1.2712 0.04913 118 91 22 5
1181 I can assure you, it’s a very simple procedure 1.2712 0.04913 118 91 22 5
1182 I promise I will taste better next year! 1.2710 0.05405 107 84 17 6
1183 Not to worry. At your age, we figured it was time to let you breathe. 1.2710 0.05240 107 83 19 5
1184 I’d like to keep you overnight for observation. 1.2710 0.04892 107 81 23 3
1185 No whining before it's time 1.2710 0.04708 107 80 25 2
1186 It's just a routine taste... er, test. 1.2708 0.06012 96 77 12 7
1187 First, the good news — it’s treatable. 1.2708 0.05437 96 74 18 4
1188 Ah So,the key to this is to keep breathing 1.2708 0.04559 96 70 26 0
1189 I know you're a twist-off, but this is the only procedure covered by your insurance 1.2707 0.05133 133 107 16 10
1190 Yeah, aging is the pits. You're screwed. 1.2705 0.04943 122 95 21 6
1191 It’s a very standard procedure, usually around 5 o’clock. 1.2705 0.04804 122 94 23 5
1192 Guess where we're opening you up! 1.2703 0.04779 111 84 24 3
1193 You will feel some slight pressure, but after that, just breathe. 1.2703 0.05111 111 86 20 5
1194 I’ll remove the blockage, reduce the fluids and we’ll both feel much much better. 1.2703 0.05111 111 86 20 5
1195 Oh no, these days we go in through the top. 1.2700 0.05660 100 79 15 6
1196 Yes it's invasive, but you'll be in and out in minutes. 1.2700 0.05096 100 76 21 3
1197 The bad news: you’re not getting any better with age. The good news: I have the perfect solution. 1.2698 0.05091 126 100 18 8
1198 Nothing to worry about, you get better with age. 1.2698 0.04965 126 99 20 7
1199 Look, you reach a certain age and these things just need to happen. 1.2697 0.05929 89 70 14 5
1200 Don't worry I'm gonna make your whole open 1.2697 0.05481 89 68 18 3
1201 Now we'll try a breathing exercise. 1.2697 0.05929 89 70 14 5
1202 Are you here for the corkectomy? 1.2696 0.05141 115 90 19 6
1203 There's nothing wrong with you that some crackers and cheese can't cure! 1.2696 0.05429 115 92 15 8
1204 It's called a lobottle-omi. I promise, it's painless. 1.2696 0.04990 115 89 21 5
1205 If you would please lie down, relax, and think about happy grapes basking in the sun. 1.2696 0.04990 115 89 21 5
1206 Looks like we’ve found the cause of your headache Mr, Malbec. 1.2696 0.04990 115 89 21 5
1207 No worries. It's an in an out procedure. 1.2696 0.04990 115 89 21 5
1208 You’re gonna feel a little prick… 1.2696 0.05141 115 90 19 6
1209 Not to worry, I've done two of these already today, and I'm feeling wondrously confident." 1.2692 0.05333 104 81 18 5
1210 Opening up to your doctor is the first step to being cured 1.2692 0.05333 104 81 18 5
1211 Just a simple procedure to improve your breathing. 1.2692 0.04858 130 102 21 7
1212 We have a new way to screw you 1.2692 0.04475 130 99 27 4
1213 I’m afraid you’re screwed. 1.2692 0.05672 104 83 14 7
1214 You’ll be fine to drive yourself home after the procedure, but I won’t be. 1.2692 0.05505 104 82 16 6
1215 You think you’re getting screwed now, wait for the bill. 1.2692 0.04970 104 79 22 3
1216 Why don't we get drunk and corkscrew? 1.2689 0.05021 119 93 20 6
1217 I think I can help you with that bottled-up feeling. 1.2689 0.05429 119 96 14 9
1218 I've got something to help you breathe. 1.2689 0.04877 119 92 22 5
1219 Don't worry. It's like a prostate exam--but with a better aroma. 1.2689 0.05021 119 93 20 6
1220 You look a little plugged up, I think I have something to help you! 1.2688 0.05949 93 74 13 6
1221 One final question;any plans for post-op ? 1.2688 0.05749 93 73 15 5
1222 Don't worry. It'll be just a mosquito bite. 1.2688 0.05542 93 72 17 4
1223 At your age it’s a necessary procedure. 1.2685 0.05197 108 84 19 5
1224 I love a vintage with a good nose. 1.2685 0.05028 108 83 21 4
1225 Don’t worry a bit. Removing that cork is a common procedure. 1.2685 0.05197 108 84 19 5
1226 I won't put it in all the way. 1.2683 0.05042 123 97 19 7
1227 We'll be the judge, if you're really "fine", wine. 1.2683 0.05042 123 97 19 7
1228 Happy 18th Birthday. 1.2683 0.04908 123 96 21 6
1229 We know your birth date, but now we have to see how you've aged. 1.2680 0.05388 97 75 18 4
1230 Well, you keep saying, 'Pour pour me,' so that's what we're going to do. 1.2680 0.05584 97 76 16 5
1231 You say you are having a breathing problem? 1.2680 0.05185 97 74 20 3
1232 This will enhance your ability to breathe. 1.2680 0.05185 97 74 20 3
1233 We'll need to take a small sample for our tasters in the oenology lab. 1.2679 0.05379 112 89 16 7
1234 Twist off sounds pretty good about now doesn't it? 1.2679 0.05526 112 90 14 8
1235 Sorry.We have no cellar. 1.2679 0.04909 112 86 22 4
1236 Just a little prick,twist and pop and you can breathe easy. 1.2679 0.04909 112 86 22 4
1237 A little fresh air will never hurt 1.2679 0.04570 112 84 26 2
1238 Not to worry. We’ll just drain the fluid and you should start feeling much lighter 1.2679 0.05947 112 93 8 11
1239 No insurance? No worries. We've got a great payment plan. 1.2677 0.04534 127 97 26 4
1240 Don't worry, I checked your prostate last year. 1.2673 0.05610 101 80 15 6
1241 If you want to breathe, you must have the operation. 1.2673 0.04852 101 76 23 2
1242 The good news is you're aging like a fine you. 1.2673 0.05610 101 80 15 6
1243 I promise you we won't take very much 1.2672 0.04798 116 89 23 4
1244 The good news is that there's no corkage co-pay. 1.2672 0.04475 116 87 27 2
1245 I’ll screw you and next your healthcare provider will too 1.2672 0.04952 116 90 21 5
1246 Trust me. You don't want to blow a cork. 1.2667 0.05428 90 69 18 3
1247 Your cork won't feel a thing." 1.2667 0.04929 105 80 22 3
1248 Just bend over and cough. 1.2667 0.04841 120 93 22 5
1249 I need a 6 oz specimen. It won't hurt a bit. 1.2667 0.05112 105 81 20 4
1250 It’s sort of like a colonoscopy… 1.2667 0.05653 90 70 16 4
1251 You're 45 years old. It's time. 1.2667 0.05112 105 81 20 4
1252 The good news is you're not getting a shot. 1.2667 0.05288 105 82 18 5
1253 So, you're having some difficulty breathing? 1.2661 0.04596 124 95 25 4
1254 so there is one procedure your insurance will cover... 1.2661 0.05261 124 100 15 9
1255 In your case, aging is a good thing. I'll just perform a few tests to make sure you're good. 1.2661 0.04814 109 83 23 3
1256 I have the perfect weight loss solution for you. 1.2661 0.04814 109 83 23 3
1257 I was going to buy you dinner first, but... 1.2661 0.04988 109 84 21 4
1258 We'll both enjoy this procedure! 1.2661 0.04988 109 84 21 4
1259 Good news! I've got something for your headache! 1.2661 0.04988 109 84 21 4
1260 As a proctologist, I'm more than qualified to handle this delicate operation. 1.2661 0.05317 109 86 17 6
1261 We have to take a sample. 1.2661 0.04814 109 83 23 3
1262 we'll need a small sample.. 1.2660 0.05490 94 73 17 4
1263 The enema didn’t work? I think I can help you. 1.2660 0.05490 94 73 17 4
1264 This is going to help you breath a bit. 1.2660 0.05892 94 75 13 6
1265 you'd be better off with a screw twist off cap 1.2660 0.05695 94 74 15 5
1266 I've got something to help you unwind. 1.2660 0.05278 94 72 19 3
1267 Finally! I get to give YOU a headache! 1.2655 0.05186 113 89 18 6
1268 Yes, it's the most uncomfortable part of your annual physical. But I have to do it three times a day. 1.2655 0.05186 113 89 18 6
1269 You’re all bottled up…I think we can uncork your inner spirit! 1.2655 0.05031 113 88 20 5
1270 There will be a copay and an uncorking fee. 1.2655 0.05031 113 88 20 5
1271 Corked unlikely , but you may experience some slight discomfort . 1.2653 0.05340 98 76 18 4
1272 Looks like you're retaining fluid. 1.2653 0.05139 98 75 20 3
1273 This is going to hurt you more than it's going to hurt me. 1.2653 0.04930 98 74 22 2
1274 I have your tests back, and you're delicious with a burger. 1.2653 0.04930 98 74 22 2
1275 A corkoscopy? Really? What gives you that impression?" 1.2653 0.05720 98 78 14 6
1276 You’ve reached the age where this is standard procedure 1.2653 0.05139 98 75 20 3
1277 You're very mature for your age. 1.2650 0.04443 117 88 27 2
1278 It’s time to lower your alcohol 1.2650 0.04605 117 89 25 3
1279 You'll feel a little pinch but we'll all feel better in a little while. 1.2647 0.05200 102 79 19 4
1280 You might feel a little pop and then it will all be over. 1.2647 0.05383 102 80 17 5
1281 Relax...it's included in the concierge service! 1.2647 0.04812 102 77 23 2
1282 Good News! I have just the thing to keep you from aging. 1.2645 0.04947 121 95 20 6
1283 You’ll lose some weight and it’ll cover your co-pay. 1.2645 0.05084 121 96 18 7
1284 If you think this is going to hurt, wait till you see my bill. 1.2645 0.04806 121 94 22 5
1285 No need to worry. I've done this procedure many times. 1.2645 0.04806 121 94 22 5
1286 You say you feel nervous, but I think it's just the wine talking. 1.2644 0.05771 87 68 15 4
1287 This won’t involve any bottle-y fluids! 1.2644 0.05029 87 65 21 1
1288 A bottle in front of me, or a frontal lobotomy? 1.2644 0.05535 87 67 17 3
1289 This is just to help you breathe. 1.2642 0.05069 106 82 20 4
1290 This is the best and only way to check your legs. 1.2642 0.05244 106 83 18 5
1291 It's just a part of the aging process! 1.2642 0.04507 106 79 26 1
1292 Don't worry, sampling a little fluid will still leave you full bodied. 1.2642 0.05069 106 82 20 4
1293 Don't worry, this will all be over right after dinner. 1.2640 0.05345 125 102 13 10
1294 I have good news and bad news... 1.2637 0.04901 91 68 22 1
1295 Don't worry about the copay. You've aged into Medicare. 1.2636 0.05114 110 86 19 5
1296 The chart says your have aged enough. 1.2636 0.05114 110 86 19 5
1297 You'll seem much better after you've been allowed to breathe for an hour. 1.2636 0.04473 129 99 26 4
1298 Don't be afraid. If you can relax after a little prick and a gentle twist, you'll soon breathe better and fulfill your purpose in life. 1.2636 0.04985 129 103 18 8
1299 Don't worry, I just need to get your white and red counts. 1.2636 0.04862 129 102 20 7
1300 Relax! You just need to breathe. 1.2632 0.05229 95 73 19 3
1301 Unfortunately, the "Rabbit" is not covered by your insurance. 1.2632 0.05837 95 76 13 6
1302 Close your eyes. 1.2632 0.05145 114 90 18 6
1303 You're my last patient of the day! 1.2632 0.04992 114 89 20 5
1304 We need to open you before you go sour. 1.2632 0.04671 114 87 24 3
1305 After a tiny prick you will feel a great release of pressure and a long awaited outpouring of joy. 1.2632 0.05439 95 74 17 4
1306 At least you won't have to bend over. 1.2632 0.04502 114 86 26 2
1307 Ah, is it somebody’s first colonoscorkpy 1.2632 0.05145 114 90 18 6
1308 I've got just the thing to relieve that tension headache. 1.2627 0.05305 118 95 15 8
1309 It's just a routine procedure. I do it every evening. 1.2626 0.05292 99 77 18 4
1310 You'll hear a pop and it will all be over. 1.2626 0.05847 99 80 12 7
1311 On the other hand, getting older does have some advantages. 1.2626 0.05094 99 76 20 3
1312 Don’t worry, I’ll pull it out before anything happens. 1.2623 0.04911 122 96 20 6
1313 Just close your eyes and think of Napa Valley. 1.2621 0.05155 103 80 19 4
1314 I've got something to help with your breathing. 1.2621 0.04772 103 78 23 2
1315 It's your alcohol level that I'm actually most concerned about. 1.2621 0.05155 103 80 19 4
1316 Of course you're screwed by your medical insurance, but there's no reason to whine about it. 1.2621 0.05512 103 82 15 6
1317 Don't Worry... You Will Not Feel A Thing. 1.2621 0.05682 103 83 13 7
1318 Tried Ex-Lax? This is way better! Lean over, please. 1.2621 0.05155 103 80 19 4
1319 I'm a pulmonologist and I'm here to help you breathe. 1.2619 0.05648 84 65 16 3
1320 Here, Let me help you uncork your potential 1.2619 0.04533 126 97 25 4
1321 The last time you were here, you were just a bottle of water. Did you get religion? 1.2619 0.05062 126 101 17 8
1322 Someone of your age and complexion - it's to be expected. 1.2617 0.04664 107 81 24 2
1323 Peel your foil and cough for me please. 1.2617 0.04849 107 82 22 3
1324 We're going to need to run a LOT of tests. 1.2615 0.04575 130 101 24 5
1325 Don’t worry, I practiced this procedure frequently in med school. 1.2615 0.04443 130 100 26 4
1326 Just a routine drill and fill. 1.2614 0.05236 88 67 19 2
1327 You might feel a little stick 1.2614 0.05937 88 70 13 5
1328 Let's just say you're going to wish we hadn't aged you so long. 1.2614 0.05713 88 69 15 4
1329 Mr Pino, you had an excellent check up. Not too sweet. Not too dry. We just need to relieve a bit of pressure due to your aging process. 1.2614 0.06153 88 71 11 6
1330 I'd like to keep you overnight for oxidation. 1.2613 0.05386 111 89 15 7
1331 I assure you, Mr. Merlot, this will be a smooth extraction. 1.2613 0.05073 111 87 19 5
1332 Trust me, it's a routine procedure. 1.2613 0.04909 111 86 21 4
1333 It won’t hurt. Stop wining ! 1.2613 0.04909 111 86 21 4
1334 It's just so you can breath. 1.2613 0.05386 111 89 15 7
1335 Let it decant a while before we jump into surgery 1.2613 0.04909 111 86 21 4
1336 I’m about to lose my license to legally practice medicine, but it’ll be worth it. 1.2613 0.05232 111 88 17 6
1337 Don't worry, you'll just feel a little pinch. 1.2612 0.04729 134 106 21 7
1338 You need to open up more. 1.2609 0.05096 92 70 20 2
1339 The good news is that you are not a screw top. 1.2609 0.04636 115 88 24 3
1340 Not all wines are meant to age. 1.2609 0.04636 115 88 24 3
1341 I’m told you’re having trouble opening up. 1.2609 0.04856 92 69 22 1
1342 You can't see the twist ending- it's a real corker. 1.2609 0.04797 115 89 22 4
1343 Come on now, act your age. 1.2609 0.04954 115 90 20 5
1344 Your insurance covers the procedure, but this hospital charges a corking fee ...which I'll waive for a patient of your refinement, Mr Bordeaux. 1.2609 0.06157 92 75 10 7
1345 Don't worry I have the perfect procedure to help you breathe 1.2605 0.04539 119 91 25 3
1346 We'll just need to remove a little fluid from your chest cavity. 1.2604 0.05389 96 75 17 4
1347 Since you couldn’t fill the cup, this is our only option. 1.2604 0.04966 96 73 21 2
1348 Come on, live a little. 1.2602 0.05011 123 98 18 7
1349 We've received your test results, and I'm sorry to say, you're screwed. 1.2602 0.04737 123 96 22 5
1350 Don't Whine 1.2600 0.04845 100 76 22 2
1351 I swear I'll stop at one glass. 1.2600 0.05049 100 77 20 3
1352 I know you're nervous, but in a few twists you'll be able to breathe. 1.2600 0.05049 100 77 20 3
1353 Depends how you define ‘invasive’. 1.2600 0.05617 100 80 14 6
1354 Don't worry, just breathe. 1.2600 0.05245 100 78 18 4
1355 This won’t hurt a bit. Now bend over. 1.2600 0.05617 100 80 14 6
1356 I feel like I'm passed my peak, Doc." "Nonsense, you're in your prime and that's reason to celebrate. 1.2600 0.05617 100 80 14 6
1357 Don’t worry, it’s a simple procedure that should help you breathe. 1.2600 0.05245 100 78 18 4
1358 The prep is the worst part. 1.2600 0.04845 100 76 22 2
1359 Is this your first colonoscopy? 1.2596 0.05291 104 82 17 5
1360 Now just lean forward and cough. 1.2596 0.05633 104 84 13 7
1361 This is not going to hurt a bit. 1.2596 0.05465 104 83 15 6
1362 Congratulations, it’s graduation day. 1.2596 0.05465 104 83 15 6
1363 Open wide and say ‘fwoomp.’ 1.2596 0.05291 104 82 17 5
1364 So, I hear that you're having trouble breathing. 1.2596 0.04926 104 80 21 3
1365 I promise I won't screw you! 1.2596 0.05112 104 81 19 4
1366 It's a simple procedure and then you can breathe. 1.2596 0.05112 104 81 19 4
1367 So, you have trouble breathing. 1.2593 0.06029 81 64 13 4
1368 Nervous? I've got just the thing to open You up! 1.2593 0.04627 108 82 24 2
1369 Let me pick your brain for a minute... 1.2593 0.05158 108 85 18 5
1370 The gold standard is to check your terroir. 1.2593 0.06029 81 64 13 4
1371 Your terroir is good. I'll let you breathe for a while and then I'll check your nose. 1.2589 0.04528 112 85 25 2
1372 Unfortunately your insurance didn't cover the screw top transplant. 1.2589 0.04871 112 87 21 4
1373 Indeed, you are a serious wine, though I'm guessing at this point you'd rather be a screw-off. 1.2589 0.05033 112 88 19 5
1374 The procedure actually has a very high success rate for individuals of your vintage. 1.2589 0.05190 112 89 17 6
1375 All men your age need this procedure. 1.2589 0.05033 112 88 19 5
1376 Hey, it’s five o’clock somewhere 1.2589 0.04871 112 87 21 4
1377 This procedure will really open up the 'real' you! 1.2589 0.05190 112 89 17 6
1378 …but the good news is it’s covered by your insurance plan! 1.2589 0.04871 112 87 21 4
1379 Well, it's sort of like a colonoscopy endoscope ... but with a twist. 1.2588 0.05835 85 67 14 4
1380 I'm afraid I have some bad news... I'm an oenologist, not an oncologist. 1.2588 0.06296 85 69 10 6
1381 This will only hurt for a minute but you're going to make a lot of people happy. 1.2586 0.05066 116 92 18 6
1382 Don’t worry, I’ll feel better when it’s over! 1.2586 0.05354 116 94 14 8
1383 This will only be a small prick. 1.2584 0.05878 89 71 13 5
1384 I can make it so any wine in the world has a good nose. 1.2584 0.05426 89 69 17 3
1385 You have a fine cork to be screwed & it won't hurt a bit. 1.2583 0.04807 120 94 21 5
1386 You're gonna blow your cork when you hear this idea. 1.2583 0.04950 120 95 19 6
1387 Just a quick pinch, then relief! 1.2581 0.05492 93 73 16 4
1388 You seem bottled up. Fear not. Relief is possible. 1.2581 0.04974 124 99 18 7
1389 Don’t worry about size, you can self-anesthetize. 1.2581 0.05048 93 71 20 2
1390 This might hurt. 1.2581 0.05048 93 71 20 2
1391 Don’t worry, this has become a routine procedure for me. 1.2581 0.04974 124 99 18 7
1392 It’s just a minor extraction. 1.2581 0.05492 93 73 16 4
1393 A little something to numb the pain… 1.2581 0.05492 93 73 16 4
1394 At your age,it really would be best to open up 1.2581 0.05048 93 71 20 2
1395 im gonna screw you 1.2581 0.04841 124 98 20 6
1396 You are going to put that where? 1.2581 0.05492 93 73 16 4
1397 It is a minimally invasive proceedure. 1.2577 0.05340 97 76 17 4
1398 Spit it out or else. 1.2577 0.05538 97 77 15 5
1399 I’m afraid your test results showed notes of vanilla… 1.2577 0.05538 97 77 15 5
1400 I'm afraid I have some bad news for you, but some very GOOD news for the monthly hospital board meeting... 1.2574 0.05743 101 82 12 7
1401 We made need a pair of lips to control the bleeding. 1.2574 0.04593 101 76 24 1
1402 Don't be a whiner, it will just be a little pinch! 1.2574 0.05006 101 78 20 3
1403 Let's help you breathe then, shall we? 1.2574 0.05200 101 79 18 4
1404 You have a $15 corkage copay. 1.2574 0.05200 101 79 18 4
1405 We'll have that out in no time! 1.2574 0.05006 101 78 20 3
1406 Let’s talk about your deductible. 1.2574 0.05387 101 80 16 5
1407 We can do this the easy way or the hard way. 1.2571 0.05069 105 82 19 4
1408 The less aggressive option is to be boxed. 1.2571 0.05246 105 83 17 5
1409 Great news, the lab results confirmed that you'll pair nicely with my dinner. 1.2569 0.04772 109 84 22 3
1410 Relax, we just need to air you out a bit! 1.2569 0.04947 109 85 20 4
1411 Let's just get rid of that nasty cork. 1.2569 0.05592 109 89 12 8
1412 You really do not want your life to slowly sip away. 1.2569 0.04772 109 84 22 3
1413 There's just one blockage to clear. 1.2566 0.04833 113 88 21 4
1414 Just relax and bend over. 1.2566 0.05301 113 91 15 7
1415 We just need to draw a little red stuff. 1.2566 0.04993 113 89 19 5
1416 Just sit back and unwind. 1.2566 0.05301 113 91 15 7
1417 I promise that you will breathe easier after this treatment. 1.2566 0.04666 113 87 23 3
1418 I learned this procedure as a young medical student in France. 1.2564 0.06171 78 62 12 4
1419 Do you mind if I bring in some residents to observe? They've only ever opened screw tops. 1.2564 0.05028 117 93 18 6
1420 Don't worry, I am a connoisseur. 1.2564 0.04726 117 91 22 4
1421 I think you'll be amused by my presumption. 1.2562 0.05052 121 97 17 7
1422 No worries - I've done 100s of these procedures! 1.2562 0.04771 121 95 21 5
1423 Your old friend Box O'Wine had no complaints... 1.2561 0.05706 82 64 15 3
1424 We're out...of merlot. 1.2561 0.05706 82 64 15 3
1425 Just trust me, you won't feel a thing 1.2560 0.04806 125 99 20 6
1426 Well it's good news! My next patient is a steak. 1.2560 0.04806 125 99 20 6
1427 Smile! It's a party, and you're invited. 1.2560 0.04806 125 99 20 6
1428 Don't worry. I'm here to help you breathe. 1.2558 0.05774 86 68 14 4
1429 You will feel a small pinch. 1.2558 0.05774 86 68 14 4
1430 If you had a twist cap, the procedure would be completely noninvasive. 1.2558 0.05013 86 65 20 1
1431 No worries - just a jab and some pressure and we’ll get you breathing in no time. 1.2558 0.04832 129 103 19 7
1432 We’ll just drain some excess liquid from your cranium, and you’ll be good as nouveau! 1.2556 0.05600 90 71 15 4
1433 Just a little prick and all that pressure will be gone. 1.2556 0.06030 90 73 11 6
1434 We're just going to take a little sample to prove to the police that your alcohol content is below the legal limit. 1.2556 0.05819 90 72 13 5
1435 We’re just going to pop you into hospital and tidy up your insides” 1.2556 0.05819 90 72 13 5
1436 It’s just as bad on your part, you’re talking to a human❕ 1.2556 0.05373 90 70 17 3
1437 We'll have you breathing feely in no time. 1.2553 0.05226 94 73 18 3
1438 It's a routine procedure 1.2553 0.05226 94 73 18 3
1439 Don't worry. With current recycling laws, you'll be reincarnated in no time. 1.2553 0.05647 94 75 14 5
1440 That smell? Oh, it's just a roast liver with some fava beans, why do you ask...? 1.2553 0.06038 94 77 10 7
1441 I will warn you after two glasses I become a total bitch. 1.2553 0.05440 94 74 16 4
1442 This is going to hurt me, more than it’s going to hurt you. 1.2553 0.05647 94 75 14 5
1443 Your whining because you keep your emotions bottled up. 1.2551 0.05089 98 76 19 3
1444 I wish you'd be more open with me. 1.2551 0.05089 98 76 19 3
1445 Now if you were under 10 bucks a bottle, I wouldn't have made you come in today. 1.2551 0.05487 98 78 15 5
1446 I'm going to help you breathe a little. 1.2551 0.05089 98 76 19 3
1447 Nowadays, cork replacement is a lot more common than you’d think. 1.2551 0.05292 98 77 17 4
1448 It’s just a quick procedure and I promise, we’ll BOTH feel a lot better. 1.2551 0.05676 98 79 13 6
1449 Turn your label and cough 1.2551 0.04878 98 75 21 2
1450 No need to worry, I do this procedure every afternoon at the club. 1.2549 0.05155 102 80 18 4
1451 This will definitely take care of the crick in your neck. 1.2549 0.04963 102 79 20 3
1452 You can trust me, I'm a mixologist. 1.2549 0.04555 102 77 24 1
1453 Of course a corkendectomy is a real medical procedure. 1.2547 0.05027 106 83 19 4
1454 Oh yes, I have a great way to improve your breathing. 1.2547 0.05372 106 85 15 6
1455 It's a simple out-patient procedure...It will free up the tightness and help you breathe much more easily 1.2547 0.05372 106 85 15 6
1456 Shaking in your sentiment, are you? 1.2547 0.05027 106 83 19 4
1457 And you are going to put that WHERE? 1.2547 0.04845 106 82 21 3
1458 This should only take a few seconds. 1.2547 0.05027 106 83 19 4
1459 No, no. That’s just the wine talking. 1.2547 0.04655 106 81 23 2
1460 I take that back. It IS kind of brain surgery for you. 1.2545 0.05074 110 87 18 5
1461 It's the only way to tell if you've gone bad 1.2545 0.04734 110 85 22 3
1462 We're having a little retirement party for Nurse Jenkins. 1.2545 0.05074 110 87 18 5
1463 Okay, it’s time for your corkotomy. 1.2545 0.05236 110 88 16 6
1464 I promise you’ll be able to breathe better after the procedure contest 1.2545 0.04907 110 86 20 4
1465 You just need to breathe, Mr. Malbec. 1.2545 0.05236 110 88 16 6
1466 A routine procedure to release the pressure. 1.2542 0.04990 118 94 18 6
1467 This won't hurt...much. 1.2542 0.04533 118 91 24 3
1468 I hope you're not a twist-top! 1.2542 0.04842 118 93 20 5
1469 Give it 3 years and you should be fine! 1.2542 0.05133 118 95 16 7
1470 Trust me. You won’t feel a thing. 1.2542 0.04371 118 90 26 2
1471 Don't worry. This won't hurt as much as the bill. 1.2541 0.04592 122 95 23 4
1472 Not everything gets better with age, I’m afraid! 1.2541 0.04737 122 96 21 5
1473 Colonoscopy. Why? 1.2532 0.06361 79 64 10 5
1474 You're going to feel a little pinch. 1.2530 0.05645 83 65 15 3
1475 Do you mind if we get started? I've got a 200 lb aged Gouda waiting for me next door. 1.2529 0.05715 87 69 14 4
1476 It's a simple procedure that will help you breathe. 1.2527 0.05321 91 71 17 3
1477 Now, before we do this, I will have to do a blood test. 1.2526 0.05389 95 75 16 4
1478 Just wait till you see your bill! 1.2526 0.05790 95 77 12 6
1479 The good news is we don't need to use the stirrups. 1.2526 0.04956 95 73 20 2
1480 This shouldn’t hurt. You may experience a slight hangover. 1.2526 0.05980 95 78 10 7
1481 No worries, you have already the anesthesia. 1.2526 0.05177 95 74 18 3
1482 Can you please bend over and cough for me. 1.2526 0.05593 95 76 14 5
1483 Breathe, I promise not to screw it up 1.2526 0.05593 95 76 14 5
1484 On the bright side, at least you don't have to wear one of those humiliating paper gowns. 1.2525 0.05979 99 82 9 8
1485 So, Let's talk about that yeast infusion you had about 20 years ago..... 1.2525 0.05624 99 80 13 6
1486 I'll be honest. You're gonna feel a little pinch. 1.2525 0.05245 99 78 17 4
1487 Relax. You won't really feel screwed until you see the size of your co-pay. 1.2525 0.05438 99 79 15 5
1488 C’mon, it’s just your cork. 1.2525 0.05245 99 78 17 4
1489 They call me 'the grapist for' a reason, you know. 1.2524 0.05470 103 83 14 6
1490 While the procedure’s experimental, my colleagues and I feel it will relieve your fear of ships. 1.2524 0.05641 103 84 12 7
1491 This is not exactly brain surgery, but it should relieve the pressure. 1.2524 0.04921 103 80 20 3
1492 You may hear a slightly marvelous popping sound. 1.2523 0.05159 107 85 17 5
1493 Tests would indicate your cork comes out more than once a week. 1.2523 0.04618 107 82 23 2
1494 I highly recommend the procedure for someone your age. 1.2523 0.04805 107 83 21 3
1495 Now bend over, and no whining. 1.2523 0.04985 107 84 19 4
1496 The operation will be quick, painless, and pairs well with ribeye. 1.2523 0.04805 107 83 21 3
1497 In my profession, we consider it unhealthy to keep all that bottled up 1.2523 0.05490 107 87 13 7
1498 Don't whine... it's just a sting. 1.2523 0.04985 107 84 19 4
1499 Now, you’ll feel some slight pressure 1.2523 0.05327 107 86 15 6
1500 The good news is you’ve reached a fine-vintage year… the bad news is that you’ve exceeded your shelf life. 1.2523 0.05349 111 90 14 7
1501 So basically what you're saying is I'm screwed. 1.2523 0.05194 111 89 16 6
1502 It won’t hurt a bit. I really want to get to the bottom of this. 1.2523 0.05034 111 88 18 5
1503 Now, about my fee. 1.2523 0.04868 111 87 20 4
1504 There is a simple procedure I can do to help you breathe. 1.2523 0.04697 111 86 22 3
1505 Alright. Close your eyes. You might feel a slight pinch. 1.2523 0.05034 111 88 18 5
1506 Overall you’re very lively but the hints of apple make us want to do further testing 1.2523 0.05500 111 91 12 8
1507 I think I'm about to be screwed... 1.2522 0.04916 115 91 19 5
1508 Unfortunately, we must lobotomize. 1.2522 0.05069 115 92 17 6
1509 First, the good news: the corkage fee is fully covered by your insurance! 1.2522 0.05217 115 93 15 7
1510 Your labs came back - the good news is those citrus undertones were benign 1.2520 0.04842 123 98 19 6
1511 Stop with the whine! I'll pop that out, and you'll be breathing in no time. 1.2519 0.04888 131 106 17 8
1512 Alright, time for your declogging procedure. 1.2500 0.05423 104 84 14 6
1513 For the next tast--TEST, we'll need to draw some of your fluids. 1.2500 0.05339 96 76 16 4
1514 In fact, many find it to be a pleasurable experience. 1.2500 0.05130 96 75 18 3
1515 Can't we just do a blood test??? 1.2500 0.04830 112 88 20 4
1516 Screwed! 1.2500 0.05585 84 66 15 3
1517 I worked as a sommelier before I got my MD!” 1.2500 0.05339 96 76 16 4
1518 But getting screwed is fun! 1.2500 0.05492 92 73 15 4
1519 Looks like a case of over-fermentation, which can only be cured by immediate cork-removal surgery followed by complete decantation without delay. 1.2500 0.05067 104 82 18 4
1520 Turn your head and cough. 1.2500 0.04879 104 81 20 3
1521 You just need to breathe. 1.2500 0.04994 112 89 18 5
1522 You're going to feel a slight poke 1.2500 0.04766 108 84 21 3
1523 I heard you recently turned 40, Monsieur Rothschild. 1.2500 0.05752 100 82 11 7
1524 Well then, let's get the party started 1.2500 0.04706 128 102 20 6
1525 Don't worry. You won't feel a thing and neither will I. 1.2500 0.04879 104 81 20 3
1526 What?" "I wouldn't dream of screwing you. 1.2500 0.05752 100 82 11 7
1527 Have you ever heard of a corkoscopy? 1.2500 0.06033 80 64 12 4
1528 It's either this or I break your neck off on that countertop over there. 1.2500 0.04879 104 81 20 3
1529 This is going to hurt you a lot more than it hurts me. 1.2500 0.05339 96 76 16 4
1530 This won't hurt. 1.2500 0.04879 116 92 19 5
1531 I’m sorry to report this diagnosis but you’r screwed 1.2500 0.04944 108 85 19 4
1532 The bad news: this’ll hurt for about 30 seconds. The good news: you’ve been invited to a party! 1.2500 0.04807 124 99 19 6
1533 We highly recommend cork screenings for wines aged at least 45 years. 1.2500 0.04944 108 85 19 4
1534 Oh quit your whining… 1.2500 0.05038 92 71 19 2
1535 I'm told you're having a problem with gas. 1.2500 0.05152 112 90 16 6
1536 Let’s get this party started, shall we? 1.2500 0.05389 100 80 15 5
1537 I hope you did a good prep” 1.2500 0.05883 88 71 12 5
1538 I suggest you open up about it. Perhaps with someone who likes you for you. 1.2500 0.05592 104 85 12 7
1539 OK,let's see if I agree with "Dr. Wine Spectator's" diagnosis..... 1.2500 0.05198 100 79 17 4
1540 Just down a little wine beforehand and you'll be feeling no pain. 1.2500 0.06289 80 65 10 5
1541 Don't worry, once I remove the blockage, I'll replace it with a screw top. 1.2500 0.04879 104 81 20 3
1542 Or we can send a home test and you can do it yourself! 1.2500 0.04830 112 88 20 4
1543 We have a new treatment for your condition that's really a corker. 1.2500 0.05283 108 87 15 6
1544 When you hear a pop, feel free to let out a little whine. 1.2500 0.04684 104 80 22 2
1545 I have to warn you,this is going to hurt a bit! 1.2500 0.06033 80 64 12 4
1546 You can stop maturing now. 1.2500 0.05130 96 75 18 3
1547 Don’t worry.I’ll let you breathe. 1.2500 0.04484 112 86 24 2
1548 The tipsier I am, the better I perform. 1.2500 0.05198 100 79 17 4
1549 I’m open to suggestions! 1.2500 0.05339 96 76 16 4
1550 Don’t worry about the procedure, I’ll examine you tastefully. 1.2500 0.06289 80 65 10 5
1551 You might hear a slight popping sound. 1.2500 0.05270 92 72 17 3
1552 A frontal lobotomy... I mean a bottle in front of me. Why, yes. Let's have a look. 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
1553 Frankly I don’t care what your rating is. Table 33 has asked for you to be fully decanted. 1.2500 0.06536 80 66 8 6
1554 And your insurance covers the corkage charge! 1.2500 0.04766 108 84 21 3
1555 I need you to open up. 1.2481 0.04267 129 100 26 3
1556 You're going to get screwed 1.2480 0.04773 125 100 19 6
1557 You’re not getting screwed….This is a fulfillment of your life’s work! 1.2479 0.04588 121 95 22 4
1558 It's a completely normal procedure for an Vintage 1975. 1.2479 0.04687 117 92 21 4
1559 Bend over. This won't hurt a bit. 1.2478 0.04792 113 89 20 4
1560 bend over we need to let it breath it will be over before you know it 1.2478 0.04792 113 89 20 4
1561 I have good news! You and your family are part of an intriguing new case study. 1.2478 0.04954 113 90 18 5
1562 Mind if I check your tannins? 1.2477 0.04544 109 84 23 2
1563 The good news is that you're perfectly healthy. The bad news is that I have to remove your sulfates in the morning. 1.2477 0.05074 109 87 17 5
1564 Finally my love of practicing medicine and drinking wine have morphed into one. 1.2477 0.04904 109 86 19 4
1565 Your condition is very common to bottled wine. I’ve got just the thing for it! 1.2477 0.04728 109 85 21 3
1566 I am confident that this will finally fix your chronic headaches. 1.2476 0.05024 105 83 18 4
1567 This would be easier if you were a screw top. 1.2476 0.05024 105 83 18 4
1568 What you’ll feel is technically not pain, just intense pressure 1.2476 0.04838 105 82 20 3
1569 "Well, aren't you an impertinent little red!" 1.2475 0.04956 101 79 19 3
1570 Yes, you've aged well. That's exactly why we do this exam. 1.2475 0.05341 101 81 15 5
1571 Trust me, I'm a sommelier. 1.2475 0.05152 101 80 17 4
1572 At your vintage annual checkups get a little more involved. 1.2475 0.05152 101 80 17 4
1573 I assure you, there are no pain receptors in the cork. 1.2475 0.05341 101 81 15 5
1574 Relax. You have a large cork and I will be very gentle with my corkscrew. 1.2475 0.05152 101 80 17 4
1575 So you're having trouble breathing? 1.2475 0.04752 101 78 21 2
1576 It's just gas...it'll pass! 1.2475 0.05152 101 80 17 4
1577 Come on,you mean you never been screwed before? 1.2475 0.05152 101 80 17 4
1578 Based on your exam, it looks you need glasses. 1.2475 0.05152 101 80 17 4
1579 Ready for your big day ? 1.2475 0.05152 101 80 17 4
1580 Now that I have a bottle in front of me, I will be performing a frontal lobotomy 1.2475 0.04956 101 79 19 3
1581 A sampling? I thought you were just going to take my temperature. 1.2475 0.04752 101 78 21 2
1582 I need to let off a little pressure to get rid of your headache. 1.2474 0.04867 97 75 20 2
1583 No need to worry! This is a routine procedure once you reach a certain age. 1.2474 0.05682 97 79 12 6
1584 You'll feel a little pinch, but don't worry, I've done this hundreds of times. 1.2474 0.05083 97 76 18 3
1585 You had some questions about the case study? 1.2474 0.04867 97 75 20 2
1586 Okay. Just breathe. 1.2474 0.05290 97 77 16 4
1587 Good news, your corkage fee is covered. 1.2474 0.05290 97 77 16 4
1588 It’s either this or a tube down your throat. 1.2473 0.05439 93 74 15 4
1589 This won’t hurt a bit It will just relieve the pressure and some of my - er - your! stress. 1.2473 0.04991 93 72 19 2
1590 Wine Bottle: I have a feeling I'm about to get screwed in this deal. 1.2473 0.05853 93 76 11 6
1591 This is really going to pop your cork! 1.2473 0.05220 93 73 17 3
1592 Relax. Think of it as a celebration of your fine vintage, not as a final pour. 1.2472 0.05367 89 70 16 3
1593 It's just an obstruction, easily removed right here and now. 1.2472 0.05600 89 71 14 4
1594 Great news! It’s just a minor blockage. 1.2472 0.05600 89 71 14 4
1595 Yes, Ms Winegarden, you ARE impacted. But the good news is that we have a foolproof treatment. 1.2472 0.05824 89 72 12 5
1596 Your HMO has a very simple procedure to deal with that blockage. 1.2472 0.05367 89 70 16 3
1597 She asked me to demonstrate an effective breathing technique 1.2472 0.05824 89 72 12 5
1598 Relax, This won’t hurt much. 1.2471 0.05775 85 68 13 4
1599 It's painless, but it may leave you with an empty feeling" 1.2471 0.05268 85 66 17 2
1600 Sooooo... I'm not so sure I agree with you that Doctors are the only ones getting screwed by the government these days! 1.2471 0.06013 85 69 11 5
1601 I'm going to reduce the swelling in your cork. There'll be a pop, then relief. 1.2468 0.05594 77 60 15 2
1602 Not to worry, it's much easier than a colonoscopy. 1.2460 0.04319 126 98 25 3
1603 Lucky for you, I perform this procedure nightly. 1.2458 0.04953 118 95 17 6
1604 This procedure should help you breathe 1.2458 0.04953 118 95 17 6
1605 "Trust me. Soon, you'll breathe like never before!" 1.2456 0.04915 114 91 18 5
1606 Let's just take a little look, shall we?" 1.2456 0.05071 114 92 16 6
1607 Don't worry, I'm in your HMO 1.2455 0.05033 110 88 17 5
1608 On the bright side, we might get an A&E series out of this. 1.2455 0.05196 110 89 15 6
1609 It was a bad year. No matter what, you're screwed. 1.2455 0.05033 110 88 17 5
1610 You may need a shot after this. 1.2455 0.04865 110 87 19 4
1611 Sounds like some fresh air may help. 1.2455 0.04509 110 85 23 2
1612 I assure you, I studied at the finest school in Bordeaux. 1.2453 0.05159 106 85 16 5
1613 If we're unable to get everything out, we'll close you up, put you in the refrigerator, and try again tomorrow. 1.2453 0.05330 106 86 14 6
1614 I promise, YOU won't feel a thing. 1.2453 0.04982 106 84 18 4
1615 You look sad. Let's uncork you and double-check for sour grapes. 1.2453 0.05159 106 85 16 5
1616 Sorry, but I have to test for cork taint. 1.2453 0.04798 106 83 20 3
1617 You’ll be allowed to breathe for a few minutes after the procedure. 1.2453 0.04982 106 84 18 4
1618 I know you feel bottled up, but this will help you breathe. 1.2453 0.04798 106 83 20 3
1619 You may feel some slight pressure… 1.2453 0.04982 106 84 18 4
1620 Relax. Just breathe. 1.2451 0.04712 102 79 21 2
1621 I was told you need help breathing. 1.2451 0.04914 102 80 19 3
1622 I think I can help you breathe easier… 1.2451 0.05107 102 81 17 4
1623 Now you might feel a slight prick. 1.2449 0.04824 98 76 20 2
1624 No, you're not screwed at all! 1.2449 0.05037 98 77 18 3
1625 Let's relieve some pressure. 1.2449 0.05439 98 79 14 5
1626 You're lucky I'm not a proctologist! 1.2449 0.05439 98 79 14 5
1627 Relax. This should ease some of the pressure you’re feeling. 1.2449 0.05242 98 78 16 4
1628 Tip your neck and pop for me, please! 1.2449 0.04824 98 76 20 2
1629 Just relax. I have a procedure in mind that will help you breathe more easily. 1.2449 0.04601 98 75 22 1
1630 This will relieve the pressure. 1.2447 0.05171 94 74 17 3
1631 You have an exquisite yet uncomplicated nose. 1.2447 0.04944 94 73 19 2
1632 No worries. I promise not to screw this up. 1.2447 0.05387 94 75 15 4
1633 The good news is that it only hurts in a clockwise direction. 1.2447 0.05796 94 77 11 6
1634 Relax. It won’t get anywhere near your cork. 1.2447 0.05171 94 74 17 3
1635 Trust me, you'll breathe a lot easier after this procedure. 1.2447 0.05171 94 74 17 3
1636 You might feel a little pop with this one. 1.2444 0.05074 90 70 18 2
1637 Don't worry, I hit many a bottle in completing my fellowship in Pinot-ology. 1.2444 0.05314 90 71 16 3
1638 I've done this at home but never bat work 1.2442 0.05214 86 67 17 2
1639 You say you were born in 1982? And you pronounce your name Chateau Lafite? 1.2442 0.05949 86 70 11 5
1640 Lie down on your right side, this won’t hurt, we do offer earplugs should you not want to hear anything 1.2442 0.05715 86 69 13 4
1641 I think you’re aging very well, but I’d like to test your tannin level to be sure." 1.2442 0.05470 86 68 15 3
1642 Open up and say...ahh! 1.2442 0.05470 86 68 15 3
1643 You may feel some discomfort. 1.2442 0.05214 86 67 17 2
1644 This will relieve the pressure you've been keeping bottled up inside. 1.2442 0.05470 86 68 15 3
1645 You may feel a little tug. 1.2439 0.05366 82 64 16 2
1646 Have you ever secretly fantasized about being uncorked? 1.2439 0.04522 123 97 22 4
1647 You may feel just a slight amount of pressure. 1.2439 0.06150 82 67 10 5
1648 I just need to take a small sample to send to the lab for tasting--I mean testing. 1.2437 0.04460 119 93 23 3
1649 Every bottle of your vintage needs to get one. 1.2437 0.05059 119 97 15 7
1650 It's quick office procedure, but you'll be able to breathe afterwards. 1.2437 0.04769 119 95 19 5
1651 We have the newest technology! This will be over before you know it. 1.2435 0.04553 115 90 22 3
1652 It's time to see just how amusing, yet seriously full-bodied you really are. 1.2435 0.05326 115 95 12 8
1653 Why yes, today is a special occasion. 1.2432 0.04653 111 87 21 3
1654 If you think this is going to screw you, wait till you see the bill. 1.2432 0.04286 111 85 25 1
1655 This is going to blow your mind. 1.2432 0.05154 111 90 15 6
1656 I’ll start by exploring your body. 1.2430 0.04372 107 82 24 1
1657 No, you're not screwed...yet. 1.2430 0.05285 107 87 14 6
1658 Please Doctor, I need more time; I'm barrel aged. 1.2430 0.04940 107 85 18 4
1659 I'm from the government and I'm here to help you. 1.2427 0.05426 103 84 13 6
1660 First, the good news--we don't charge a corkage fee. 1.2427 0.05248 103 83 15 5
1661 It may hurt for a moment, but you'll breathe so much better after the procedure 1.2427 0.04672 103 80 21 2
1662 We'll get to the bottom of this, no matter how long it takes, 1.2427 0.05063 103 82 17 4
1663 No worries! I'll just be checking for any impurities. 1.2427 0.04871 103 81 19 3
1664 Hey, at least it's not a colonoscopy. 1.2427 0.04672 103 80 21 2
1665 Of course I don’t take pleasure in this, that’s not why I’m a surgeon 1.2427 0.04871 103 81 19 3
1666 I promise. Just a tiny pinch and you'll be screwed. 1.2424 0.05390 99 80 14 5
1667 I just need. to see your legs 1.2424 0.05195 99 79 16 4
1668 you're coming home with me 1.2424 0.05195 99 79 16 4
1669 The irony is we need to remove it to prove you're full bodied. 1.2422 0.04259 128 100 25 3
1670 'My records indicate it's time for your bleu shot.' 1.2421 0.05337 95 76 15 4
1671 They say "you can't find happiness at the bottom of a bottle"... but I'm a pediatrician, not a psychiatrist. 1.2421 0.05337 95 76 15 4
1672 When all you have is a corkscrew, every problem seems like a cork. 1.2421 0.05122 95 75 17 3
1673 You should already be numb. 1.2421 0.05542 95 77 13 5
1674 I've never had the chance to go in from the top before. 1.2421 0.05122 95 75 17 3
1675 ‘Veritas vos liberat.’ But since you’re a California wine, I’ll translate. ‘The truth will set you free.’ Now bend over! 1.2421 0.05542 95 77 13 5
1676 Let’s get to know each other better, shall we? 1.2421 0.05122 95 75 17 3
1677 Looks like your insurance doesn’t cover the noninvasive procedure. 1.2421 0.04899 95 74 19 2
1678 Would you like to screw? 1.2419 0.04490 124 98 22 4
1679 The nurse said you had a look of terror on your face, but I explained that it’s actually ‘terroir’. 1.2419 0.04908 124 101 16 7
1680 What a coincidence! I asked for a bottle in front of me and you asked for a frontal lobotomy. 1.2418 0.05708 91 74 12 5
1681 This procedure will feel the same as getting my bill. 1.2418 0.05263 91 72 16 3
1682 I need proof of your blood type. 1.2418 0.05263 91 72 16 3
1683 I understand you’re a little stopped up. 1.2418 0.05025 91 71 18 2
1684 I’ve had some whiny patients but this is ridiculous! 1.2418 0.05025 91 71 18 2
1685 We only need a small sample-you don’t need to fill up the whole cup. 1.2418 0.05263 91 72 16 3
1686 No wonder you look so red and feeling stuffed . Might do you well to open up now. 1.2418 0.05708 91 74 12 5
1687 Is there any chance you could be pregnant? 1.2417 0.04879 120 97 17 6
1688 You'll have the same great taste, and be less filling. 1.2417 0.05020 120 98 15 7
1689 I have a sure cure for your stopped up feeling. 1.2417 0.04427 120 94 23 3
1690 Happy to say there's no need for colonoscopy. 1.2414 0.04839 116 93 18 5
1691 Just remember to breathe. 1.2414 0.05414 87 69 15 3
1692 It's not going to hurt . I use vocal anesthesia 1.2414 0.05414 87 69 15 3
1693 Don’t get the wrong idea. First I will slit your neck. 1.2414 0.05414 87 69 15 3
1694 The Good News - I can help you lose that weight! 1.2414 0.04350 116 90 24 2
1695 Not to worry. This little tool will help you breathe easier. 1.2411 0.04952 112 90 17 5
1696 We'll get rid of that blockage- but first, close your eyes. 1.2411 0.04952 112 90 17 5
1697 I promise you won't even feel it. 1.2411 0.04438 112 87 23 2
1698 A virgin? At your age? 1.2411 0.05112 112 91 15 6
1699 This low-risk procedure will help you breathe better. 1.2411 0.04952 112 90 17 5
1700 Relax. We’re just going to do a minor extraction so you can breathe 1.2411 0.04438 112 87 23 2
1701 Rest assured, I’ve done this many, many times. 1.2410 0.05579 83 66 14 3
1702 It would be quicker if you were a screwtop 1.2410 0.05836 83 67 12 4
1703 Everyone in my department has volunteered to help analyze the results of your exploratory surgery. 1.2410 0.05579 83 66 14 3
1704 Just a minor procedure… and then I’ll tell you how I’m feeling in the morning. 1.2407 0.04337 108 83 24 1
1705 Don't worry, all you'll feel is a little corkscrew. 1.2407 0.05073 108 87 16 5
1706 Trouble breathing? Trust me; I know just what to do. 1.2405 0.05758 79 63 13 3
1707 You know the drill.” 1.2405 0.05758 79 63 13 3
1708 I need to take a sample...for medicinal purposes. 1.2404 0.05020 104 83 17 4
1709 Don't be alarmed, Mr. Merlot, it's just a quick twist to help your inner notes flourish. 1.2404 0.05020 104 83 17 4
1710 'Open your mouth, please.' 1.2404 0.04427 104 80 23 1
1711 Let's get you opened up. 1.2400 0.04948 100 79 18 3
1712 The tests are clear. It will all have to come out. 1.2400 0.05148 100 80 16 4
1713 I guess I could give you a local first, but I don't want to disturb the tannins. 1.2400 0.04948 100 79 18 3
1714 The good news is you're still in your prime. 1.2400 0.04740 100 78 20 2
1715 You'll feel much better once the pressure is equalized! 1.2400 0.04740 100 78 20 2
1716 The good news is, you're perfect, the bad news is, it's Dr's Hatchers retirement party tonight." 1.2400 0.05341 100 81 14 5
1717 Believe me, this will help you breath 1.2400 0.04948 100 79 18 3
1718 Don’t worry you’ll only feel a little pressure. 1.2400 0.04948 100 79 18 3
1719 You’ll feel a slight pinch, and then I’ll feel all better 1.2400 0.04522 100 77 22 1
1720 No need to worry, this is the procedure I often use to help with fluid retention issues. 1.2400 0.05148 100 80 16 4
1721 That doesn't look like my Covid shot to me! 1.2396 0.05287 96 77 15 4
1722 Wine makes good blood" , the doctor tells the bottle 1.2396 0.05287 96 77 15 4
1723 Ah Malbec, tannins again. What say we extract a few milliliters and rid you of those pesky invaders once and for all. 1.2396 0.05075 96 76 17 3
1724 This next test is recommended when you reach this aged. 1.2396 0.05490 96 78 13 5
1725 ...and then I'll ask you to cough. 1.2396 0.05490 96 78 13 5
1726 I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy. But as for you, my friend. 1.2391 0.05212 92 73 16 3
1727 So we just need a little sample for tasting - I mean, testing. 1.2391 0.05436 92 74 14 4
1728 Don't worry Mr. Merlot, you will just feel a pinch, some pressure and a small pop. 1.2391 0.05436 92 74 14 4
1729 I have grape news! 1.2391 0.04731 92 71 20 1
1730 At your age, it’s important we make sure you can breathe. 1.2391 0.05212 92 73 16 3
1731 I'm afraid it's consumption, and nothing can be done about it. 1.2391 0.04731 92 71 20 1
1732 I'll need to send some routine lab tastes, I mean tests. 1.2391 0.05212 92 73 16 3
1733 You might feel a slight pin prick. 1.2391 0.05212 92 73 16 3
1734 You may feel a pit of pressure. 1.2391 0.05859 92 76 10 6
1735 You are going you need to breathe for about an hour before I take a sample. 1.2389 0.05071 113 92 15 6
1736 No, no, you're fine wine. I just think you need to breathe a little. 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
1737 Relax, I've practically made a career doing this. 1.2386 0.04847 88 68 19 1
1738 Look, your parents didn't send you to Napa for summer camp. 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
1739 Just close your eyes and think of France. 1.2386 0.05110 88 69 17 2
1740 I promise you’ll only feel a tiny prick! 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
1741 I'm glad you came to me. Any other doctor might have thought you were a screw-top. 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
1742 Since you're a beaujolais nouveau, I moved up your day of surgery. 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
1743 You might have a bit of a headache after .. or I might! 1.2386 0.04847 88 68 19 1
1744 This should take the pressure off, no worries 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
1745 Don't worry. This procedure has been used for centuries and all parties have enjoyed the results. 1.2385 0.04681 109 86 20 3
1746 I'll just need to run a few tastes...I mean TESTS! 1.2385 0.04859 109 87 18 4
1747 Good news, you're in the "peak" of health. Bad news, I'm an alcoholic." 1.2381 0.05773 84 68 12 4
1748 There are medications, but I recommend we try decanting... 1.2381 0.05158 105 85 15 5
1749 You won't feel a thing 1.2381 0.05773 84 68 12 4
1750 I have a screwy suggestion. 1.2381 0.05253 84 66 16 2
1751 ”Coilonoscopy 1.2381 0.04594 105 82 21 2
1752 Cheer up my friend. I mastered this procedure my first week in med school. 1.2381 0.05519 84 67 14 3
1753 I perform this procedure for special occasions. 1.2381 0.04594 105 82 21 2
1754 This won’t hurt you as much as it will damage them 1.2381 0.04789 105 83 19 3
1755 you will be able to breath much better after the procedure 1.2376 0.04699 101 79 20 2
1756 I promise you will feel a sudden release of pressure as soon as I am done! 1.2376 0.05293 101 82 14 5
1757 Don’t worry: in a little while none of us will feel any pain. 1.2376 0.04699 101 79 20 2
1758 45 year port, you say? 1.2376 0.05477 101 83 12 6
1759 A bottle a day keeps the doctor at bay 1.2376 0.04905 101 80 18 3
1760 The good news is we have a solution for your congestion, the bad news…. 1.2376 0.05293 101 82 14 5
1761 Don’t worry, this was my specialty in medical school. 1.2375 0.05694 80 64 13 3
1762 Trust me. I do this to everyone I see. 1.2375 0.05694 80 64 13 3
1763 Feeling all stopped up, are we? 1.2375 0.05409 80 63 15 2
1764 First I'll remove the blockage and then I'll remove the toxins inside you. 1.2375 0.05694 80 65 13 3
1765 You’re about to get totally screwed. 1.2375 0.05409 80 63 15 2
1766 Think of it as a kind of constipation. Only more delicious. 1.2375 0.05694 80 64 13 3
1767 Yes, yes, but we all need to breathe. 1.2375 0.05694 80 64 13 3
1768 Don’t worry. Your headache will be gone in no time. 1.2375 0.05108 80 62 17 1
1769 Yes I AM a proctologist and have I got a treat for You! 1.2375 0.05694 80 64 13 3
1770 I believe I have something for your headache and my own. 1.2371 0.05029 97 77 17 3
1771 Don't be a baby, its just a little prick. 1.2371 0.05238 97 78 15 4
1772 Relax! It'll just help you breathe better. 1.2371 0.05029 97 77 17 3
1773 Let's begin with a little exercise to open you up. 1.2371 0.05029 97 77 17 3
1774 It’s finally coming true - I’m going to perform a frontal lobotomy on the bottle in front of me. 1.2371 0.05633 97 80 11 6
1775 You'll just feel a tug. Promise. 1.2368 0.05884 76 61 12 3
1776 Try thinking of it this way: YOUR life expectancy just doubled! 1.2368 0.05578 76 60 14 2
1777 Believe me, it’s a lot better than a frontal lobotomy. 1.2368 0.04712 114 91 19 4
1778 I promise it will blow your mind. 1.2366 0.05162 93 74 16 3
1779 Look on the bright side. You've been paired." 1.2366 0.05162 93 74 16 3
1780 Well, yes. It’s kind of like an enema. 1.2366 0.05162 93 74 16 3
1781 Don't worry. I'm well-versed in this procedure. I just got back from a symposium in the Napa Valley. 1.2366 0.05596 93 76 12 5
1782 Wait! I don't have insurance. What's your corkage fee? 1.2366 0.05383 93 75 14 4
1783 Don’t worry, we’ll seal you in a plastic bag for the ride home. 1.2366 0.05383 93 75 14 4
1784 I'm going to do you a good turn. 1.2366 0.05383 93 75 14 4
1785 Not to worry. This is a routine procedure. 1.2364 0.04990 110 89 16 5
1786 It depends on how you define mildly invasive. 1.2364 0.04820 110 88 18 4
1787 For a vintage such as yours, we’ll need to test a few samples. 1.2364 0.04990 110 89 16 5
1788 You’ll be feeling bubbly in no time.” 1.2360 0.05541 89 72 13 4
1789 Don't worry, it's a routine procedure at your age 1.2360 0.05305 89 71 15 3
1790 It's called a corkonoscopy. 1.2360 0.04800 89 69 19 1
1791 A bad headache in the morning is likely but won’t feel a thing tonight. 1.2360 0.05305 89 71 15 3
1792 Unfortunately, this is the only procedure your insurance will cover. 1.2360 0.05305 89 71 15 3
1793 It’s like arthroscopic surgery, but with a twist. 1.2360 0.05541 89 72 13 4
1794 The procedure will be painless and you will be able to really breathe. Then I'd like you to join me and a friend for dinner. 1.2360 0.05767 89 73 11 5
1795 you said something it was something about your legs? 1.2360 0.05305 89 71 15 3
1796 No need to worry, the procedure is simple. The hard part was getting the oversized novelty wine glasses into the OR. 1.2360 0.05305 89 71 15 3
1797 Don't be nervous. Think of the number of lives you're going to save. 1.2358 0.05114 106 86 15 5
1798 Relax! I just want to take a small sample. 1.2358 0.04935 106 85 17 4
1799 This should take the pressure off your head ache. 1.2353 0.04445 102 79 22 1
1800 This will hurt you more than it will me. 1.2353 0.04862 102 81 18 3
1801 What did you say your age was again? 1.2353 0.04862 102 81 18 3
1802 I promise, you are not getting screwed here! 1.2353 0.05712 85 69 12 4
1803 Trust me. Life does this to all of us. 1.2353 0.04658 102 80 20 2
1804 It’s a simple procedure I like to call a lobottlemy. 1.2353 0.05198 85 67 16 2
1805 Given your middling vintage and provenance, a second opinion is not needed. 1.2353 0.05712 85 69 12 4
1806 Trust me, I would never screw you. 1.2353 0.05461 85 68 14 3
1807 Sure, there is a blood test, but I prefer the more traditional approach. 1.2353 0.05246 102 83 14 5
1808 I need you to turn your cork and cough. 1.2353 0.04445 102 79 22 1
1809 I assure you, the procedure won't hurt a bit. 1.2353 0.05058 102 82 16 4
1810 Just look down and cough for me. 1.2353 0.04922 85 66 18 1
1811 The corkage fee - er,co-pay is $25 1.2353 0.05428 102 84 12 6
1812 Just gonna take a little off the top 1.2353 0.04445 102 79 22 1
1813 I thought an oenologist was a wine doctor! 1.2353 0.04862 102 81 18 3
1814 Craniotomy a well-established procedure to relieve pressure and increase oxygen saturation. 1.2348 0.04991 115 94 15 6
1815 So what your saying doc, is that no matter what I do, I’m screwed 1.2348 0.04676 115 92 19 4
1816 "This simple procedure will tell us if tannic acid is your problem." 1.2347 0.04983 98 78 17 3
1817 This will screw me up more than you. 1.2347 0.05190 98 79 15 4
1818 It stings at first, but after a few sips I should be fine 1.2347 0.04983 98 78 17 3
1819 Don't worry, I've done this before. You'll be empty in no time 1.2347 0.04983 98 78 17 3
1820 Well hello again, Jim! I was delighted to see your name on my schedule for 5 o’clock. 1.2347 0.05190 98 79 15 4
1821 You have nothing to worry about. I never drink on the job. 1.2346 0.05630 81 65 13 3
1822 Now , Mr. Lottlebottle, THIS won't hurt Y O U at AALLL 1.2346 0.05349 81 64 15 2
1823 Great news! You know that pressure you felt building...? 1.2346 0.05349 81 64 15 2
1824 Yes, it's a simple procedure to relive the pressure you are feeling. 1.2346 0.05898 81 66 11 4
1825 This might seem a little invasive but I promise it’’ll help you breathe… 1.2342 0.04607 111 88 20 3
1826 Now close your eyes, and just breathe. 1.2340 0.05745 94 78 10 6
1827 Ready for your colonoscopy, Mr. Vino? 1.2340 0.05542 94 77 12 5
1828 This doesn't augur well 1.2340 0.05332 94 76 14 4
1829 « The older you get,the better you are ! » 1.2340 0.04884 94 74 18 2
1830 Just close your eyes and I'll get you uncorked. 1.2340 0.05113 94 75 16 3
1831 We can’t know what we’re dealing with until I open you up. 1.2340 0.04884 94 74 18 2
1832 Lobottlemies are nothing to be scared of Mr. Noir, this technique is just slightly more direct 1.2340 0.05332 94 76 14 4
1833 Drink no wine before it's time" Well, it's your time big boy 1.2338 0.06102 77 63 10 4
1834 Afterwards you can rest in the cheese ward. 1.2338 0.04855 77 59 18 0
1835 I'll screw you if I can then drink you! 1.2338 0.05514 77 61 14 2
1836 The good news is you'll finally get out of the cellar. 1.2338 0.06376 77 64 8 5
1837 You know, sometimes nothing beats the good ol' fashioned way to help you breathe your best! You'll be feeling balanced in no time! 1.2336 0.04893 107 86 17 4
1838 In a moment you’re going to feel a little pressure… 1.2336 0.04893 107 86 17 4
1839 Your psychiatrist and I agree; its time for you to open up. 1.2333 0.05923 90 75 9 6
1840 The good news is you don't have to see a proctologist. 1.2333 0.05009 90 71 17 2
1841 This won't hurt nearly as much as my corkage fee, ha ha ha. 1.2333 0.05009 90 71 17 2
1842 It's easier than a colonoscopy. 1.2333 0.05253 90 72 15 3
1843 Is it safe? 1.2333 0.05485 90 73 13 4
1844 Many of my patients live long productive lives without their corks. 1.2333 0.05253 90 72 15 3
1845 Doc, are you trying to screw me? 1.2333 0.05253 90 72 15 3
1846 It's a new procedure I developed. I'm gonna have to "bottlomize" you. 1.2331 0.04386 133 107 21 5
1847 This is a common procedure for your age. 1.2330 0.05200 103 84 14 5
1848 There's really not a dignified way to do this. Try to relax 1.2330 0.05200 103 84 14 5
1849 I can help you breathe better. 1.2330 0.04820 103 82 18 3
1850 ''Want to hear a corker?" 1.2330 0.05014 103 83 16 4
1851 You will find it much easier to breathe after the procedure is completed 1.2330 0.05200 103 84 14 5
1852 I promise you'll enjoy the POP and you'll be able to breath! 1.2330 0.05200 103 84 14 5
1853 Don't worry, this is an outpatient procedure that I have performed countless times. And you won't feel a thing! 1.2330 0.05014 103 83 16 4
1854 You’ll just feel a little stick. 1.2330 0.04820 103 82 18 3
1855 Once that cork is loosened, we’ll both be happy! 1.2330 0.05014 103 83 16 4
1856 Once you have your new screw cap, you won’t remember a thing. 1.2330 0.04618 103 81 20 2
1857 Just relax, I can see you’re the type who thinks the glass is half empty 1.2329 0.06327 73 60 9 4
1858 And afterward we’ll insert a model sailing ship so that you never have to go through this again! 1.2328 0.04798 116 94 17 5
1859 WE JUST NEED TO CHECK FOR SEDIMENT 1.2326 0.05404 86 69 14 3
1860 I see your file says you were born in a particularly good year. 1.2326 0.05404 86 69 14 3
1861 I have a solution to that anxiety you're bottling up. 1.2326 0.05889 86 71 10 5
1862 Your first colonoscopy, M. Claret? 1.2326 0.05145 86 68 16 2
1863 Margaret, push back my 10 o'clock with Ms Coffee would you?" 1.2326 0.05404 86 69 14 3
1864 Just think of it as your last COVID stick! 1.2326 0.05652 86 70 12 4
1865 The decapitation is over in 20 seconds , but you may continue to breathe for about an hour. 1.2326 0.05404 86 69 14 3
1866 You're constipated ... I can fix that! 1.2326 0.05404 86 69 14 3
1867 So I've got something here that I think will help you breathe. 1.2326 0.04582 86 66 20 0
1868 I understand you’re having trouble with your breathing 1.2326 0.05145 86 68 16 2
1869 Dont worry, after we take care of the problem in your neck you’ll have the legs you always dreamed of. 1.2326 0.05889 86 71 10 5
1870 I have just the remedy for both of us. 1.2326 0.05145 86 68 16 2
1871 You are my first Bordeaux 1.2326 0.05404 86 69 14 3
1872 CHEERS! 1.2326 0.05404 86 69 14 3
1873 Once we get this cork out I'll feel much better delivering the bad news. 1.2326 0.04582 86 66 20 0
1874 I need you to just breathe normally for me. 1.2323 0.05142 99 80 15 4
1875 Just one more test and you're free to go. 1.2323 0.04501 99 77 21 1
1876 (This cartoon doesn't need a caption. Perfect as is. That's my entry.) 1.2323 0.04938 99 79 17 3
1877 Don’t worry, it’s a very standard procedure. 1.2323 0.04938 99 79 17 3
1878 Side effects may include lightheadedness 1.2323 0.04938 99 79 17 3
1879 Better out than in! 1.2323 0.04938 99 79 17 3
1880 I'll remove the cause, but not the symptom! 1.2323 0.04501 99 77 21 1
1881 Now if you will wait, I shall perform surgery on your cork. 1.2323 0.05142 99 80 15 4
1882 You'll anesthetize us both so we won't feel a thing. 1.2321 0.04743 112 90 18 4
1883 What do you think this is, a Pixar movie? 1.2317 0.05569 82 66 13 3
1884 I see from your chart that you are a splendid vintage. 1.2317 0.05291 82 65 15 2
1885 Don't worry. The more you age, the more people will love you. 1.2317 0.06086 82 68 9 5
1886 I understand you don't have a living will. 1.2317 0.05833 82 67 11 4
1887 Doc, think of all of the health benefits I can provide. 1.2317 0.05291 82 65 15 2
1888 You'll be pleased to know we don't use leeches anymore! 1.2317 0.05569 82 66 13 3
1889 Trust me. A simple procedure and your Complexity will be Released to World. For the Acclaim you Truthfully, Socially, deserve . . 1.2316 0.05065 95 76 16 3
1890 Prepare for a full body examination. 1.2316 0.05065 95 76 16 3
1891 You want to be able to breath properly, right? 1.2316 0.05281 95 77 14 4
1892 Headache? I have the cure. 1.2315 0.04671 108 86 19 3
1893 Oh, this little thing? It should allow you to breathe easier. 1.2315 0.04671 108 86 19 3
1894 Have you fasted for 24 hours? 1.2314 0.04354 121 96 22 3
1895 I go in from the top, so don't worry. 1.2308 0.05431 91 74 13 4
1896 You look like you could use a breather. 1.2308 0.05201 91 73 15 3
1897 Think of it as relieving your pent-up inner spirit. 1.2308 0.04371 104 81 22 1
1898 Yeah, pretty good thanks. Yourself? 1.2308 0.05863 91 76 9 6
1899 And my bill will do something similar to you! 1.2308 0.05431 91 74 13 4
1900 Its not good for you to keep this all bottled up inside. 1.2308 0.05451 78 62 14 2
1901 Have you been feeling bottled up? 1.2308 0.04779 104 83 18 3
1902 I'm just going to remove a little blockage. 1.2308 0.04961 91 72 17 2
1903 Loose corks are my specialty. 1.2308 0.04708 91 71 19 1
1904 Looks like it's time for your annual uncorking. 1.2308 0.04579 104 82 20 2
1905 You're in luck: a small trepanation then a large transfusion and we'll both be feeling a lot better. 1.2308 0.05201 91 73 15 3
1906 The only side effect is feeling a little drained. 1.2308 0.04970 104 84 16 4
1907 nothing to worry about...be over before you know we unscrewed you 1.2308 0.04761 117 95 17 5
1908 You’re going to feel a little prick then I’ll start to feel woozy. 1.2308 0.05651 91 75 11 5
1909 Open your mouth and show me those big grapes! We will round those tannins in the least painless way 1.2308 0.06301 78 65 8 5
1910 Well, once you reach a certain vintage, this procedure really is for the best. 1.2301 0.04705 113 91 18 4
1911 Think of it as a quick neck adjustment that'll have your juices flowing again in no time. 1.2301 0.05030 113 93 14 6
1912 I can solve all your problems in just a matter of wine- I mean time 1.2300 0.04462 100 78 21 1
1913 Doc, primum non nocere 1.2300 0.04683 100 79 19 2
1914 But I don't want to be screwed 1.2300 0.04683 100 79 19 2
1915 No one said weight loss is painless. 1.2300 0.05096 100 81 15 4
1916 Just wait till you need a colonoscopy! 1.2300 0.04683 100 79 19 2
1917 I'm going to need to refer you to a sommelier. 1.2299 0.05092 87 69 16 2
1918 Say hello to my lit'l friend. 1.2299 0.05348 87 70 14 3
1919 You'll just feel a slight pinch... 1.2299 0.05092 87 69 16 2
1920 How much if I endorse a drink a day? 1.2299 0.05092 87 69 16 2
1921 That's the worst case of cork taint I've seen since Med School. 1.2299 0.05092 87 69 16 2
1922 Your investment portfolio 1.2299 0.05593 87 71 12 4
1923 Not to worry, we'll put you under and you won't feel a thing. 1.2299 0.05593 87 71 12 4
1924 Good news! It's not a colonoscopy today! 1.2299 0.04823 87 68 18 1
1925 No need to worry, I’m bore certified. 1.2299 0.05827 87 72 10 5
1926 This is a very common procedure for those in your age group. 1.2299 0.04823 87 68 18 1
1927 I'm known for screwing up. 1.2299 0.05092 87 69 16 2
1928 Nothing to worry about but you'll feel a little drained later. 1.2299 0.05593 87 71 12 4
1929 You did say you wanted to 'unlock' your inner nature. 1.2297 0.05286 74 58 15 1
1930 The extraction procedure is painless, but you might feel a bit empty inside when I’m finished. 1.2297 0.06538 74 62 7 5
1931 Bad news is your BAC is way too high. Good news is there's an easy fix. 1.2297 0.05625 74 59 13 2
1932 People are always screwing with my head. 1.2297 0.05625 74 59 13 2
1933 Who’s ready for their cork test? 1.2297 0.06249 74 61 9 4
1934 At least bring me to a steak dinner before you screw me. 1.2297 0.05945 74 60 11 3
1935 I'll make sure to not make a bang, only a pop. 1.2294 0.04250 109 85 23 1
1936 Don't worry, it won't hurt! 1.2294 0.04813 109 88 17 4
1937 Oh,no,it's not just cultural. There are health benefits for removing it too, 1.2294 0.04986 109 89 15 5
1938 You don't have strep throat, you're just an extra dry." 1.2294 0.04446 109 86 21 2
1939 I'm not an internist. I'm an oenophilist. 1.2292 0.05826 96 81 8 7
1940 Don't whine, it'll only be a quick pinch! 1.2292 0.04794 96 76 18 2
1941 You're just going to feel a small pinch 1.2292 0.05017 96 77 16 3
1942 My colleagues and I agree. It's time for you to open up.. 1.2292 0.04794 96 76 18 2
1943 Better top than bottom." 1.2292 0.04794 96 76 18 2
1944 Just a slight poke and your aging woes will be over. 1.2292 0.04559 96 75 20 1
1945 You look like you wish you were a twist top! 1.2292 0.05635 96 80 10 6
1946 Corkectomies are reversible these days. 1.2292 0.04794 96 76 18 2
1947 Are you a glass half full or a half empty type? 1.2292 0.05231 96 78 14 4
1948 Don’t worry, it’s a simple procedure. 1.2292 0.05017 96 77 16 3
1949 Oh! look at the wine talking 1.2292 0.05017 96 77 16 3
1950 You won's be stopped up after this minor proceedure. 1.2289 0.05508 83 67 13 3
1951 Tell me if this joke is in bad taste... 1.2289 0.05508 83 67 13 3
1952 I assure you, we'll be feeling no pain and we won't remember a thing. 1.2289 0.05235 83 66 15 2
1953 The nose is floral, but the PSA is a little high, so let's take a look. 1.2289 0.05508 83 67 13 3
1954 What do you mean you were screwed and lost your cork 1.2289 0.05769 83 68 11 4
1955 I would like to see my wife first, doc 1.2289 0.05235 83 66 15 2
1956 I'm not sure what's wrong Dr, but my wife says all I do is whine. 1.2286 0.04928 105 85 16 4
1957 This won't hurt a bit, and everyone will be happy to see you fulfill your destiny. You'd like that, wouldn't you? 1.2286 0.04738 105 84 18 3
1958 Aww, don't worry, I'm not gonna screw you! 1.2286 0.04738 105 84 18 3
1959 We think your BAC might be too high. 1.2286 0.05817 70 56 12 2
1960 No, a urologist. Why do you ask? 1.2286 0.04738 105 84 18 3
1961 It’s perfectly normal to be worried. But we’ll pull that out right away. 1.2286 0.05286 105 87 12 6
1962 Actually, the treatment is less painful than the deductible. 1.2286 0.04541 105 83 20 2
1963 Actually, it’s only a proctologist appointment if it’s from the proctolo region of Italy. 1.2286 0.05110 105 86 14 5
1964 At your vintage are you still afraid of open cork exams? 1.2283 0.05377 92 75 13 4
1965 I've got just the thing to relieve your headache. 1.2283 0.04663 92 72 19 1
1966 If we can work on removing the blockage you won't have to strain to pour. 1.2283 0.05150 92 74 15 3
1967 You may feel a little pressure. 1.2283 0.04913 92 73 17 2
1968 You'll probably hear a loud 'pop' when the procedure is over" 1.2283 0.04913 92 73 17 2
1969 You'll feel better when I help you to breathe a bit. 1.2283 0.05150 92 74 15 3
1970 It'll just be a little poke. 1.2283 0.05377 92 75 13 4
1971 I’ll be glad to take care of you 1.2283 0.04663 92 72 19 1
1972 I'll be happy you'll be drained. 1.2283 0.05377 92 75 13 4
1973 Do you need a minute to breathe before we get started? 1.2283 0.04663 92 72 19 1
1974 You won’t be the first to get screwed by the System!” 1.2283 0.05595 92 76 11 5
1975 Trust me, it would be best to drain it. 1.2283 0.04663 92 72 19 1
1976 This procedure can only be done once. 1.2283 0.04913 92 73 17 2
1977 I dunno doc, this procedure seems like it might be a pour decision 1.2283 0.04913 92 73 17 2
1978 You look like you could use a drink...only kidding. 1.2281 0.04831 114 93 16 5
1979 When patients like you reach a certain age, there is a procedure I heartily recommend. 1.2281 0.04499 114 91 20 3
1980 One quick twist and it's over! 1.2278 0.05390 79 63 14 2
1981 Your copayment is only two bucks, Chuck. 1.2277 0.04850 101 81 17 3
1982 The problem's in your head. 1.2277 0.05050 101 82 15 4
1983 It's much more effective than the traditional enema... 1.2277 0.04850 101 81 17 3
1984 Better in the neck than in the bunghole. 1.2277 0.04642 101 80 19 2
1985 This will only feel like a little prick. 1.2277 0.04850 101 81 17 3
1986 It’ll just be a little pinch and you’ll feel lighter in no time. 1.2277 0.05243 101 83 13 5
1987 Tell me, how long you've kept this all bottled up? 1.2273 0.04775 88 69 18 1
1988 It's no worse than a colonoscopy, and you only do it once. 1.2273 0.05041 88 70 16 2
1989 The whole lab is looking forward to the tasting...I mean testing. 1.2273 0.05294 88 71 14 3
1990 Colonoscopies are recommended at your age. 1.2273 0.05535 88 72 12 4
1991 Let's open our relationship ! 1.2273 0.05294 88 71 14 3
1992 Don’t worry, you have plenty of anesthesia on board. 1.2273 0.05041 88 70 16 2
1993 True, but it will help you breathe. 1.2268 0.04750 97 77 18 2
1994 We all serve in our own way. 1.2268 0.04750 97 77 18 2
1995 You've reached the age where I'd advise you have a corkoscopy. 1.2268 0.04971 97 78 16 3
1996 Stop whining. 1.2268 0.05182 97 79 14 4
1997 I promise it won't hurt and you'll feel much lighter! 1.2268 0.04750 97 77 18 2
1998 Oh, incidentally, Baron, once we've dealt with that dry cork you're suffering from, the staff insists that we have you over for dinner. What do you say? The meal wouldn't be the same without YOU! 1.2268 0.04971 97 78 16 3
1999 Think of it as being open to a new experience! 1.2268 0.04971 97 78 16 3
2000 Before we begin, can you assure me that you're not corked? 1.2268 0.04518 97 76 20 1
2001 Relax! You'll be fine in a few years. 1.2268 0.04518 97 76 20 1
2002 I think I have something that will help you breathe. 1.2268 0.05182 97 79 14 4
2003 Let’s do some breathing exercises. 1.2268 0.04750 97 77 18 2
2004 "It's completely painless if you're over 40 Proof." 1.2268 0.04971 97 78 16 3
2005 No, no...trust me this is through the top. 1.2268 0.04518 97 76 20 1
2006 Surprise! This is what you were fer-meant-ed for. 1.2268 0.04750 97 77 18 2
2007 The good news is ,once I remove it ,breathing will be much easier 1.2268 0.04750 97 77 18 2
2008 Usually it just pops out. 1.2268 0.04971 97 78 16 3
2009 You'll be breathing a lot easier just as soon as we get the cork out 1.2268 0.04971 97 78 16 3
2010 Now, this might sting a bit 1.2268 0.04750 97 77 18 2
2011 I identify as Champagne...Champagne!! 1.2267 0.05224 75 59 15 1
2012 Believe me-it's a necessary procedure for individuals who have reached your vintage. 1.2266 0.04602 128 105 17 6
2013 Bend over and let me check your vintage. 1.2264 0.05240 106 88 12 6
2014 Sir, you are about to be screwed. 1.2264 0.05066 106 87 14 5
2015 Don't think of it that way! It's more like mouth-to-mouth. 1.2264 0.04698 106 85 18 3
2016 This might be a bit draining, but in the end you'll feel less acidic. 1.2264 0.04698 106 85 18 3
2017 The results came back...we are having steak tonight. 1.2264 0.04886 106 86 16 4
2018 I don't believe you've been mislabeled,and this isn't exploratory surgery 1.2264 0.05066 106 87 14 5
2019 How about we unwind a little bit 1.2264 0.05240 106 88 12 6
2020 You have aged so smoothly that I brought a surprise to help us celebrate. 1.2264 0.04886 106 86 16 4
2021 “It’s a time honored medical procedure to release spirits.” 1.2264 0.04503 106 84 20 2
2022 It's a routine procedure for wines of your vintage to have a cork exam. 1.2262 0.05449 84 68 13 3
2023 it's my first time too 1.2262 0.05449 84 68 13 3
2024 I was just kidding when I said that this would hurt me more than you. 1.2262 0.05179 84 67 15 2
2025 I made you. I can drain you. 1.2262 0.05179 84 67 15 2
2026 It's a little invasive, but you will soon be peeing like a fire hose again" 1.2262 0.05706 84 69 11 4
2027 Yes, yes, if we can find the hints of road tar, we'll get them too. 1.2262 0.05179 84 67 15 2
2028 Oh wine, I'm going to open those hips... Medically 1.2262 0.05706 84 69 11 4
2029 It happens with age. 1.2258 0.04866 93 74 17 2
2030 This might hurt a little. 1.2258 0.04866 93 74 17 2
2031 And then you will gradually lose weight, just as I promised. 1.2258 0.05325 93 76 13 4
2032 It's going to be long and hard - just breathe. 1.2258 0.05325 93 76 13 4
2033 It's your lucky day, I am seeing walk-ins. 1.2258 0.05100 93 75 15 3
2034 No, of course not! That would be a lobotomy which totally passe... 1.2258 0.04619 93 73 19 1
2035 Do you know what 'getting screwed' means 1.2258 0.05325 93 76 13 4
2036 You'll breathe a lot easier when were done. 1.2258 0.04619 93 73 19 1
2037 Yes, I can uncork your spirits. Side effects include feeling empty, even trashed. 1.2258 0.04619 93 73 19 1
2038 Now we'll just need to draw two glasses — er, I mean vials 1.2258 0.04359 93 72 21 0
2039 I promise I am not going to screw you! 1.2258 0.05100 93 75 15 3
2040 I promise I'll still respect you in the morning! 1.2258 0.05100 93 75 15 3
2041 I think I've found a way to stop your whining. 1.2258 0.04866 93 74 17 2
2042 Ready for your enema? 1.2258 0.04866 93 74 17 2
2043 I know it's invasive but you've aged 50 years now so it's recommended. 1.2258 0.05100 93 75 15 3
2044 We'll need to drill down a little further in this checkup. 1.2258 0.05100 93 75 15 3
2045 I’m just going to run a few tastings 1.2258 0.05100 93 75 15 3
2046 I won't screw you I promise 1.2258 0.05325 93 76 13 4
2047 Don't worry. This isn't a "gay thing." 1.2255 0.05196 102 84 13 5
2048 Not to worry, I'm the sommelier, now get ready to take a deep breath. 1.2255 0.04808 102 82 17 3
2049 It's a 12 step program. We'll detox you a couple shots at a time and before you know it you'll be alcohol free. 1.2255 0.05006 102 83 15 4
2050 There’s no need to be afraid, Mr. Noir – fear adds acidity and we wouldn’t want that. 1.2255 0.04808 102 82 17 3
2051 You'll only feel a slight pinch. 1.2254 0.06084 71 58 10 3
2052 You feel corked? Well, there's only one way to find out 1.2254 0.06084 71 58 10 3
2053 Don't worry, you'll get better with age 1.2252 0.04904 111 91 15 5
2054 I figured out how we can both feel pressure relief! 1.2252 0.04183 111 87 23 1
2055 Ahem, yes! As I was saying- Don't worry, I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy! Umm...your cheeks look a little rose'... 1.2250 0.05618 80 65 12 3
2056 This might sting. 1.2250 0.05893 80 66 10 4
2057 Say aah. 1.2250 0.05329 80 64 14 2
2058 Honestly! I’m not screwing around! 1.2250 0.05024 80 63 16 1
2059 Sorry,but everyone agrees it is best if we drink you now. 1.2250 0.05329 80 64 14 2
2060 You should only feel a small twist 1.2250 0.05329 80 64 14 2
2061 You’ll feel a little prick, but you’ll breathe a lot easier after this procedure. 1.2250 0.04698 80 62 18 0
2062 Don't worry, I've got just the thing to get us out of this sticky situation! 1.2250 0.05329 80 64 14 2
2063 I have a treatment that will blow your mind. . 1.2250 0.05024 80 63 16 1
2064 Too bad you’re not a screw top 1.2250 0.05618 80 65 12 3
2065 Trust me, I'm an expert on aging. 1.2247 0.04990 89 71 16 2
2066 I'd say you've passed the Reflexes part of the examination. 1.2247 0.05707 89 74 10 5
2067 I'd reccomend breathing in your case, but ultimately the decision is yours. 1.2247 0.05478 89 73 12 4
2068 My diagnosis is too much body, but I think we’ve found a solution. 1.2247 0.04990 89 71 16 2
2069 It's just a minor procedure to collect a little fluid for a standard, basic, cheese pairing analysis. 1.2247 0.05478 89 73 12 4
2070 Now, I bet you wish you had chosen the screw top closer. 1.2247 0.04990 89 71 16 2
2071 Don't worry, this will only hurt a sip... 1.2247 0.05240 89 72 14 3
2072 I SURE HOPE THIS WORKS! 1.2247 0.05240 89 72 14 3
2073 You have aged well. Bottoms up. 1.2247 0.05478 89 73 12 4
2074 No, it’s not a blood letting. 1.2247 0.04990 89 71 16 2
2075 Just one more sample please. The previous test result was inconclusive. 1.2247 0.04990 89 71 16 2
2076 It will be fast and easy and you'll feel a lot thinner. 1.2247 0.05478 89 73 12 4
2077 Don’t worry. I think you just need to breathe. 1.2247 0.05240 89 72 14 3
2078 A test, a little test .....did I say taste? I meant test..... 1.2245 0.05335 98 81 12 5
2079 Just a quick prick, a slight tugging sensation, and all the pressure will be relieved 1.2245 0.04925 98 79 16 3
2080 Don't worry about insurance. It's my pleasure. 1.2245 0.05135 98 80 14 4
2081 It’s not brain surgery. 1.2245 0.04707 98 78 18 2
2082 Yes, it’s my first time, but I watched the YouTube. 1.2245 0.04925 98 79 16 3
2083 Yes, I promise. The relief will be immediate. 1.2245 0.04925 98 79 16 3
2084 Once your cork is removed, we will all be feeling better” 1.2245 0.04925 98 79 16 3
2085 We have a solution. 1.2245 0.05529 98 82 10 6
2086 I told you to stop drinking. 1.2237 0.05164 76 60 15 1
2087 Trust me, your legs are just fine. 1.2237 0.05803 76 62 11 3
2088 I believe that you will feel much better if you unbottle yourself. 1.2237 0.05803 76 62 11 3
2089 The procedure is minimally invasion, and we will be collecting samples for laboratory testing. 1.2237 0.05493 76 61 13 2
2090 No sir, it's *therapists* that can't have a dual relationship. Now I insist you join us for dinner! 1.2237 0.06098 76 63 9 4
2091 I won't screw you over--I promise. 1.2235 0.05125 85 68 15 2
2092 Relaz. The unscrewing hurts more 1.2235 0.05645 85 70 11 4
2093 A GOOD SCREWING WILL OPEN YOU UP! 1.2235 0.05125 85 68 15 2
2094 We'll just infuse a bit of Brewer's Yeast, yes? 1.2235 0.05645 85 70 11 4
2095 Don't think of it as being screwed. Think of it as being able to breathe. 1.2235 0.05125 85 68 15 2
2096 I think I can solve your problem. It'll definitely solve mine. 1.2235 0.05391 85 69 13 3
2097 It's important to not keep things bottled up, and I can help with that! ;) 1.2235 0.04546 85 66 19 0
2098 Time to get screwed! 1.2235 0.05645 85 70 11 4
2099 Just bend over 1.2234 0.05273 94 77 13 4
2100 Compared to the boat launching I just attended, this won't hurt a bit! 1.2234 0.05052 94 76 15 3
2101 I will now allow you to breathe. 1.2234 0.04820 94 75 17 2
2102 Don't worry, most patients only let out a little whine. 1.2234 0.05052 94 76 15 3
2103 On average, how many humans do you consume in a week? 1.2234 0.05052 94 76 15 3
2104 We're so happy you scheduled your appointment on "Roast Beef Wednesday." 1.2234 0.05052 94 76 15 3
2105 This should relieve that sinus pressure in your head. 1.2234 0.05052 94 76 15 3
2106 This isn't the first time i've screwed with a patient before. 1.2234 0.05052 94 76 15 3
2107 and after it’s all over, we’ll have a toast to your good health. 1.2234 0.05273 94 77 13 4
2108 I do this all the time. I'm just going to open you up to let you breathe. 1.2234 0.05052 94 76 15 3
2109 Scout's honor, this will help you breathe. 1.2234 0.04820 94 75 17 2
2110 Better this way than being screwed by the insurance company. 1.2234 0.04319 94 73 21 0
2111 Making use of my accrediation as both a proctologist and sommelier, I am about to assuage your fear of becoming a very expensive vinegar. 1.2234 0.05486 94 78 11 5
2112 Body seems great,definitely a big nose but let 1.2234 0.04820 94 75 17 2
2113 In vino veritas,I am out of wine and out of network. 1.2233 0.04562 103 82 19 2
2114 This is a very common procedure and you won't feel a thing. 1.2222 0.05270 81 65 14 2
2115 You know I've always said I'll be completely open with you. 1.2222 0.05316 72 57 14 1
2116 You've aged to the point that now I recommend a corkenoscopy daily! 1.2222 0.04881 99 80 16 3
2117 Don't worry, it's just a pinch. 1.2222 0.05188 90 73 14 3
2118 I've been looking forward to a DRE of your vintage for a long time. 1.2222 0.05188 90 73 14 3
2119 I've got grape news! 1.2222 0.04969 81 64 16 1
2120 Don’t worry this is standard practice as you age. 1.2222 0.04229 108 85 22 1
2121 My wife wouldn't stop talking, so I told her to 'put a cork in it'. The next thing I knew.... 1.2222 0.05270 81 65 14 2
2122 Trust me, I've performed this procedure thousands of times. 1.2222 0.04941 90 72 16 2
2123 Yes,I might just have a corkscrew for you. 1.2222 0.04941 90 72 16 2
2124 You have an expansive future ... you need to breathe ... deeply!" 1.2222 0.04682 90 71 18 1
2125 I would love to relieve some pressure for you! 1.2222 0.04804 108 88 16 4
2126 Don’t worry. Decanting is a lot less invasive nowadays. 1.2222 0.05087 99 81 14 4
2127 It appears you have some bottled up emotions. 1.2222 0.04682 90 71 18 1
2128 Don't worry you'll just feel a little tug. 1.2222 0.04969 81 64 16 1
2129 Don’t worry…I did my residency in Proctology. 1.2222 0.04881 99 80 16 3
2130 So there is something we can do before you pop your cork 1.2222 0.05270 81 65 14 2
2131 You may feel a slight pressure. 1.2222 0.05188 90 73 14 3
2132 I'm screwed, aren't I? In a manner of speaking yes, but I'm going to unscrew you. 1.2222 0.05316 72 57 14 1
2133 At last, I get to treat the cause rather than the patient. 1.2222 0.05188 90 73 14 3
2134 Watch, this will blow your mind 1.2222 0.04969 81 64 16 1
2135 I call this procedure, a lobottlemy. 1.2222 0.04881 99 80 16 3
2136 Yes, it is an off-label treatment and you will feel somewhat drained afterward, but that's to be expected. 1.2222 0.05188 90 73 14 3
2137 I have a surprise for you and you won't feel a thing. 1.2222 0.05270 81 65 14 2
2138 Good news. You don't have to worry about your age. 1.2222 0.04969 81 64 16 1
2139 Sorry, just got the Lab results and your screwed 1.2222 0.05188 90 73 14 3
2140 I promise it won't hurt at all ma'am 1.2222 0.04941 90 72 16 2
2141 Trust me, I’m a connoisseur. 1.2222 0.05087 99 81 14 4
2142 I think you should open your mind. Let me help you 1.2222 0.05556 81 66 12 3
2143 Yes, I will be able to put it right back in 1.2222 0.05423 90 74 12 4
2144 Now turn your head and quaff. 1.2222 0.04407 90 70 20 0
2145 Relax...I'm a licensed oenologist 1.2212 0.04986 113 94 13 6
2146 Don't be nervous, it's just a little procedure that will help you breath. 1.2212 0.04523 104 83 19 2
2147 Now, you may think this is a little screwy... 1.2212 0.04725 104 84 17 3
2148 I prefer saying “open wide” rather than you are “About to be screwed”. 1.2212 0.04918 104 85 15 4
2149 Trust me, you'll breathe a lot easier if we get you to open up and let out what you’ve had bottled up inside. 1.2212 0.05105 104 86 13 5
2150 It's normal to blush. 1.2211 0.04534 95 75 19 1
2151 Just a little pinch. 1.2211 0.05004 95 77 15 3
2152 It is time to down you and drown me. 1.2211 0.05004 95 77 15 3
2153 If you don't mind me saying, you are aging like fine wine. 1.2211 0.04775 95 76 17 2
2154 No, I said not non-invasive. 1.2211 0.05004 95 77 15 3
2155 Would you like to thumb through a copy of Highlights first? 1.2211 0.04775 95 76 17 2
2156 And now a special surprise for being named Physician's Assistant of the week.... 1.2211 0.04775 95 76 17 2
2157 Ok my wonderful AI wine bottle, it's time to get screwed! 1.2211 0.05004 95 77 15 3
2158 Can you cough for me. 1.2209 0.04794 86 68 17 1
2159 We're awaiting lab results from the saloon. 1.2209 0.05335 86 70 13 3
2160 Hope I don't screw this up, I'm used to giving shots. 1.2209 0.05585 86 71 11 4
2161 The good news is you don't need a colonoscopy. 1.2209 0.06277 86 74 5 7
2162 Doc, I'd rather the colonoscopy. 1.2209 0.04794 86 68 17 1
2163 To put it bluntly, the treatment will screw you. 1.2209 0.05585 86 71 11 4
2164 You shouldn't be afraid to open up. 1.2209 0.05585 86 71 11 4
2165 Sorry, the only way is to drill down and extract it. 1.2209 0.04500 86 67 19 0
2166 In your case, it's a grand scru. 1.2209 0.05335 86 70 13 3
2167 Straight, no chaser. 1.2209 0.05335 86 70 13 3
2168 One bottle’s pain, is another man’s pleasure 1.2209 0.05072 86 69 15 2
2169 Nothing to worry about, your colonoscopy results are normal 1.2208 0.06026 77 64 9 4
2170 Doc, I don't think I have a headache anymore 1.2208 0.05429 77 62 13 2
2171 Will someone need to drive me home? 1.2208 0.05429 77 62 13 2
2172 Don’t wine about it and just breathe. 1.2208 0.05429 77 62 13 2
2173 Sir, there’s no need for an explanation as to how it got in there. If you say it was an accident than I believe you. What’s important now is that we get it out. 1.2208 0.05735 77 63 11 3
2174 It’s in a breech position, so I’m going to perform a corkectomy. 1.2203 0.04362 118 95 20 3
2175 It is not going to hurt, may be just a little... 1.2202 0.04393 109 87 20 2
2176 Don't worry I have done lots of intravino injections 1.2202 0.04939 109 90 14 5
2177 Now this won't hurt a bit! 1.2200 0.05041 100 82 14 4
2178 You're definitely starting to show your age. 1.2198 0.05136 91 74 14 3
2179 No, I use a something besides a scalpel. 1.2198 0.05369 91 75 12 4
2180 There's no charge for this. Only a corkage fee." 1.2198 0.04636 91 72 18 1
2181 I bet you don't pop your cork for every guy you see. 1.2198 0.05136 91 74 14 3
2182 And I say you do need a colonoscopy. 1.2198 0.05136 91 74 14 3
2183 I just need to draw a little fluid to taste,I mean test 1.2198 0.05136 91 74 14 3
2184 I think you might be corked, but there’s only one way to find out. 1.2198 0.04893 91 73 16 2
2185 Good news! Your insurance will cover the procedure. 1.2198 0.05591 91 76 10 5
2186 I’m think I‘m having a chardonnay arrest.” 1.2198 0.04893 91 73 16 2
2187 Looks like it’s time for the ol’ uncork and cough. 1.2198 0.04893 91 73 16 2
2188 Ok champ, let’s get a closer look at that neck. 1.2198 0.04893 91 73 16 2
2189 So I understand you've been feeling under pressure? 1.2198 0.05369 91 75 12 4
2190 This will lower your blood pressure immediately 1.2195 0.05494 82 67 12 3
2191 Just open wide and you won't remember... I mean, um, FEEL a thing! 1.2195 0.05494 82 67 12 3
2192 You'll feel much better once we get that removed... 1.2195 0.05494 82 67 12 3
2193 I'm almost certain that it is benign, but we ought to remove it anyway. 1.2195 0.05762 82 68 10 4
2194 This won't hurt a bit...it'll be over before you know it. 1.2195 0.05494 82 67 12 3
2195 You'll find it easier to breathe once we decant. 1.2195 0.05762 82 68 10 4
2196 Don't worry, Mr. Merlot, we will have you back in the cellar in no time. 1.2195 0.05213 82 66 14 2
2197 Did you seriously think you would get inside by telling people I smell like stable? 1.2195 0.05762 82 68 10 4
2198 After the procedure we're just going to let you breathe a little. 1.2195 0.05213 82 66 14 2
2199 It is after hours, but lucky for you I’m a workaholic. 1.2195 0.05494 82 67 12 3
2200 stop whining, a good screw will make you feel much better 1.2195 0.05213 82 66 14 2
2201 I like to unwind, how about you? 1.2193 0.04622 114 93 17 4
2202 It'll just tickle a little 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
2203 Your test results will come back tomorrow. Hopefully." 1.2192 0.06244 73 61 8 4
2204 Let me put it to you this way, I think you’re screwed. 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
2205 Just take a deep breath. It will be over soon. 1.2190 0.04684 105 85 17 3
2206 Close your eyes and breathe, it will help you open up 1.2188 0.05173 96 79 13 4
2207 THIS IS A POLITICAL CARTOON ABOUT HEALTHCARE IN AMERICA. YOU GET SCREWED NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU WINE. 1.2188 0.05381 96 80 11 5
2208 I have just the remedy to help you feel better in no time! 1.2188 0.04957 96 78 15 3
2209 Now just try to relax 1.2188 0.05173 96 79 13 4
2210 So tell me,does organic run in your family? 1.2188 0.04730 96 77 17 2
2211 Could I interest you in a little head massage” 1.2188 0.04730 96 77 17 2
2212 After your aeration we’ll be joined by women and song. 1.2188 0.05581 96 81 9 6
2213 A small step for you, a giant leap for Oenology. 1.2184 0.05279 87 71 13 3
2214 Good news (for me)! I have a way to get you unstopped. 1.2184 0.05991 87 74 7 6
2215 Yes, you are my last appointment for the day! 1.2184 0.05526 87 72 11 4
2216 Ah so... 1.2184 0.04746 87 69 17 1
2217 We have a party of six on standby. 1.2184 0.05019 87 70 15 2
2218 Ever had liver and fava beans? 1.2184 0.05526 87 72 11 4
2219 This won't take long and it definitely won't hurt! 1.2184 0.05019 87 70 15 2
2220 We don't use that vulgar term here; however, the results will be the same. 1.2184 0.05019 87 70 15 2
2221 Let’s see what’s in there! 1.2184 0.05279 87 71 13 3
2222 Don’t worry! Everything will be wine—I mean fine. 1.2184 0.05279 87 71 13 3
2223 A little labottleme will have you bubbling with happiness. 1.2184 0.05279 87 71 13 3
2224 Good news! You’ll soon be breathing much easier. 1.2184 0.05526 87 72 11 4
2225 Don’t screw with me doc. 1.2184 0.05526 87 72 11 4
2226 you may feel a little screwed up afterwards 1.2184 0.05279 87 71 13 3
2227 Ah so it's respiratory–I've got just the thing to help you breathe. 1.2179 0.05954 78 65 9 4
2228 Good news! We only need to withdraw some fluids. 1.2179 0.05668 78 64 11 3
2229 Just relax, I'm an oenologist, not a proctologist. 1.2179 0.05954 78 65 9 4
2230 Turn your head and cork - I MEAN COUGH....turn your head and cough... 1.2179 0.05366 78 63 13 2
2231 I guess I’m getting screwed one way or the other 1.2179 0.05366 78 63 13 2
2232 Why keep things bottled up inside of you? 1.2178 0.04996 101 83 14 4
2233 No wine is good until it's time...it's time! 1.2178 0.04582 101 81 18 2
2234 Don't worry, I perform 3 of these a day 1.2178 0.04794 101 82 16 3
2235 Sorry, there is no prep for a visit like this. 1.2178 0.04361 101 80 20 1
2236 I have a great new idea on how you're gonna lose weight! 1.2178 0.04361 101 80 20 1
2237 I understand you’ve been feeling some pressure. 1.2178 0.05190 101 84 12 5
2238 The good news is your next procedure will be beneficial for both your headache AND mine 1.2178 0.04794 101 82 16 3
2239 This motherfucker… 1.2174 0.05315 92 76 12 4
2240 I can make you happy. 1.2174 0.06149 69 57 9 3
2241 Not to worry Mr. Merlot, you have a simple screw off. 1.2174 0.05747 92 78 8 6
2242 Let's start with a check of your rotten grape levels. 1.2174 0.04592 92 73 18 1
2243 The most common risk is cork crumble. Rarely, the cork will get stuck. In that event , we resort of sabrage. 1.2174 0.05086 92 75 14 3
2244 I have my ways to get you to open up. 1.2174 0.05086 92 75 14 3
2245 Why do I feel I am about to get intellectually screwed? 1.2174 0.04845 92 74 16 2
2246 Don’t be nervous, I’m an expert in vino-puncture. 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
2247 You're looking great for your age...I might even say you're in peak condition! Just bear with me while I run one last test. 1.2174 0.05535 92 77 10 5
2248 I'm going to give you something to help you unwine. 1.2174 0.06486 69 58 7 4
2249 Relax. I'm "Board-Certified" in alternative medicine. 1.2174 0.04845 92 74 16 2
2250 Might I swish you around in my mouth while we await the results? I'm taking a class. 1.2174 0.05086 92 75 14 3
2251 All you need is a good screw. 1.2174 0.05086 92 75 14 3
2252 I’m Dr Cork, your proctologist. 1.2174 0.04845 92 74 16 2
2253 It’s a simple procedure. Just breathe. 1.2174 0.04592 92 73 18 1
2254 It's called trephining. You'll love it. 1.2174 0.05315 92 76 12 4
2255 Good news! A simple extraction will help you to breathe. 1.2174 0.04592 92 73 18 1
2256 You have aged well but it's now time you are the life of the party. 1.2170 0.05017 106 88 13 5
2257 This procedure has known history of benefiting your breathing. 1.2169 0.05434 83 68 12 3
2258 The good news is we no longer use leeches. 1.2169 0.05434 83 68 12 3
2259 Don't worry, it's just a routine check for any fruity, herbal or floral notes. 1.2169 0.04863 83 66 16 1
2260 It’s just a quick procedure to help you breath. 1.2169 0.05156 83 67 14 2
2261 No pressure! I lied!! 1.2169 0.04863 83 66 16 1
2262 This will only hurt foe a minute, then you will breathe better. 1.2169 0.05434 83 68 12 3
2263 Don't worry--this operation has been done a million times. 1.2169 0.05156 83 67 14 2
2264 So I understand your feeling all bottled up - I have a solution for you right here 1.2169 0.05156 83 67 14 2
2265 I'm glad you finally came in. I've been waiting for you all day. 1.2169 0.04863 83 66 16 1
2266 The good news is, you’re in-network. 1.2169 0.05434 83 68 12 3
2267 Why the forlorn look? What could I possibly do to you? 1.2165 0.04687 97 78 17 2
2268 Would you like a drink before we begin? 1.2165 0.04910 97 79 15 3
2269 You're still sweet and delicious! 1.2165 0.04687 97 78 17 2
2270 Your about to get really popular. 1.2165 0.04910 97 79 15 3
2271 Your tests show you have aged fine and we should consider a decanting procedure! 1.2165 0.04687 97 78 17 2
2272 It would be easier if you had a screw cap. 1.2165 0.04910 97 79 15 3
2273 This is going to hurt me more than it’s going to hurt you, down the road. 1.2165 0.04910 97 79 15 3
2274 First the good news. You'll be highly appreciated at my dinner party tonight. 1.2165 0.04910 97 79 15 3
2275 Ok, my dear, just a little pressure… 1.2165 0.04910 97 79 15 3
2276 Hey you’re ok, did I tell you it’s my birthday? 1.2165 0.05719 97 83 7 7
2277 Don't worry Mr. Merlot, this will only hurt a Merlittle. 1.2162 0.06166 74 62 8 4
2278 Oh, you’ll be fine. You just need a little air, and I have just the thing… 1.2162 0.04686 111 91 16 4
2279 Believe me, we're experts in dealing with cases like yours. 1.2162 0.05858 74 61 10 3
2280 I heard you’ve been feeling a lot of pressure. 1.2159 0.04698 88 70 17 1
2281 Sure, it's an anti-body, but the side effects won't lower your tannins or sugar content. 1.2159 0.05225 88 72 13 3
2282 Your records indicate a forty year vintage. 1.2159 0.04968 88 71 15 2
2283 This is probably not the veritas a vino wants to hear... 1.2159 0.04968 88 71 15 2
2284 You’re going to feel a small pinch. 1.2159 0.04968 88 71 15 2
2285 What you need is a good screw. 1.2159 0.05703 88 74 9 5
2286 Don't be concerned, this will help you breath! 1.2159 0.04411 88 69 19 0
2287 How long has it been since your last colonoscopy? 1.2159 0.05469 88 73 11 4
2288 Louis Jadot, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship. 1.2159 0.05225 88 72 13 3
2289 This cure will put a new spin on your condition. 1.2157 0.04542 102 82 18 2
2290 It’s nothing, you’ll just feel a slight pinch. 1.2157 0.05144 102 85 12 5
2291 Relax, I’m a certified acupuncturist. 1.2157 0.05144 102 85 12 5
2292 Unfortunately for you, it's my birthday! Ha, ha. Silly doctor joke. Now, we'll just give you a tranquilizer so you don't feel any pain during your operation. Standard procedure, sir. 1.2157 0.05144 102 85 12 5
2293 Let’s see you if feel half empty or half full 1.2157 0.04951 102 84 14 4
2294 I've got a corker for you! 1.2155 0.05020 116 98 11 7
2295 A simple procedure, it will really help you loosen up. 1.2154 0.04758 130 110 12 8
2296 I'm gonna pop it to ya. 1.2152 0.05603 79 65 11 3
2297 You might feel a little screw. 1.2152 0.04990 79 63 15 1
2298 Do you support the advancement of oenology? 1.2152 0.05305 79 64 13 2
2299 The good news is that your blood looks great. The bad news is that I’m an alcoholic. 1.2152 0.05603 79 65 11 3
2300 And what year were you produced? 1.2152 0.04990 79 63 15 1
2301 I’m afraid we are going to have to open you up… 1.2152 0.05603 79 65 11 3
2302 You may hear a slight pop. 1.2152 0.05305 79 64 13 2
2303 I can relieve that bloated feeling with a simple procedure. It's quick and nearly painless. 1.2152 0.05305 79 64 13 2
2304 It would be unethical of me to screw you. 1.2152 0.05305 79 64 13 2
2305 Maybe I'm paranoid, Doc, but I feel like everyone is out to screw me. 1.2152 0.06155 79 67 7 5
2306 I wanted to be youthanized, not euthanized 1.2152 0.04990 79 63 15 1
2307 Just try not to look at the procedure too metaphorically. 1.2151 0.04798 93 75 16 2
2308 In a minute, I'm going to ask you to breathe. 1.2151 0.05690 93 79 8 6
2309 I just want to let you breathe. 1.2151 0.05036 93 76 14 3
2310 He's a neurologist, I'm an oenologist. 1.2151 0.05036 93 76 14 3
2311 If you think you’re screwed now, wait’ll you get the bill. 1.2151 0.05036 93 76 14 3
2312 Now you may feel a little discomfort but we do recommend it at your vintage. 1.2151 0.04798 93 75 16 2
2313 I’ll guarantee that after a few donations I won’t feel a thing. 1.2151 0.05036 93 76 14 3
2314 You’ll feel a slight pressure, and then we’ll both feel a sensation of release. 1.2151 0.05263 93 77 12 4
2315 No big deal. Think of it as a colonoscopy of the head! 1.2151 0.04798 93 75 16 2
2316 Who said anything about brain surgery? 1.2151 0.05263 93 77 12 4
2317 My specialty, bungology, is both an art and a science. 1.2151 0.05263 93 77 12 4
2318 You're feeling low, but what I'm feeling is Merlot. 1.2151 0.04284 93 73 20 0
2319 Don’t worry…when it’s over, you’ll be able to breathe. 1.2151 0.04798 93 75 16 2
2320 I think I’ve found a win-win solution to all the pressure we’ve both been under lately. 1.2151 0.05481 93 78 10 5
2321 Doc, trust me. I am not the blood of Christ. 1.2151 0.05481 93 78 10 5
2322 Let’s just open you up and see what’s what. 1.2151 0.04798 93 75 16 2
2323 What you need is a good bleeding, and a pairing of smoky gouda 1.2151 0.05481 93 78 10 5
2324 Oh yes, the body cleanse is absolutely necessary, but I think we'll both be satisfied with the outcome. 1.2150 0.04410 107 86 19 2
2325 Remember the bare-footed grape stomping. Well, it won't hurt any more than that. 1.2150 0.04793 107 88 15 4
2326 Most patients report that this treatment really helps them unwind. 1.2150 0.04410 107 86 19 2
2327 Why don't you lie down, and we'll get started. 1.2143 0.04644 98 79 17 2
2328 You seem to be in excellent health. We should do something to celebrate. 1.2143 0.05475 98 83 9 6
2329 Did you say.."I'm Screwed"? 1.2143 0.05636 84 70 10 4
2330 You're requested for party of fifty 1.2143 0.05375 84 69 12 3
2331 Not to worry, I'll relieve some of the pressure and let some oxygen in. 1.2143 0.05077 98 81 13 4
2332 I said "sample to test"....Why on earth would I say "sip to taste"? 1.2143 0.05375 84 69 12 3
2333 It's 5 o'clock somewhere! 1.2143 0.06400 70 59 7 4
2334 It won't hurt, I promise.... 1.2143 0.05101 84 68 14 2
2335 Well, it's maybe against professional ethics, but I'm gonna screw you. 1.2143 0.05717 70 57 11 2
2336 With a little effort, we’re going to get to the bottom of this! 1.2143 0.04644 98 79 17 2
2337 Who told you a colonoscopy feels like a corkscrew ? 1.2143 0.05636 84 70 10 4
2338 No need for a frown — I perform this operation at least once a night. 1.2143 0.06068 70 58 9 3
2339 Afterwards, you can have all the ice cream you want! 1.2143 0.04865 98 80 15 3
2340 Rather shoddy outfit for work, sir. 1.2143 0.05101 84 68 14 2
2341 That's not your tail, is it? 1.2143 0.05077 98 81 13 4
2342 It’s the usual procedure, and we’ll share a glass after it. 1.2143 0.05636 84 70 10 4
2343 Hmm. You say you are a virgin? 1.2143 0.04644 98 79 17 2
2344 Yes, the corkage fee is covered by your insurance plan. 1.2143 0.05101 84 68 14 2
2345 Just relax while we take a look in the old noggin. 1.2143 0.04865 98 80 15 3
2346 Don't worry, you're my third patient this morning. 1.2143 0.05375 84 69 12 3
2347 Have you been screwed before? 1.2143 0.05077 98 81 13 4
2348 I perform this procedure on all my patients when they reach your age. 1.2143 0.05101 84 68 14 2
2349 This procedure might leave you feeling drained. 1.2143 0.05077 98 81 13 4
2350 Having some alcohol in you keeps this from hurting 1.2143 0.05101 84 68 14 2
2351 Well I did say you should get some air 1.2143 0.05101 84 68 14 2
2352 Trust me! I'm a doctor! 1.2136 0.04907 103 85 14 4
2353 We'll do a little test to make sure you're aging like fine wine, and then you can grab some cheese and crackers on your way out. 1.2136 0.05281 103 87 10 6
2354 Don't worry, this little procedure will help you breathe! 1.2136 0.04709 103 84 16 3
2355 It's just a minor surgery... 1.2135 0.04918 89 72 15 2
2356 Let's just take care of that pesky bout of constipation, shall we? 1.2135 0.05171 89 73 13 3
2357 This won't hurt -it just leaves an empty feeling" 1.2135 0.05412 89 74 11 4
2358 I assure you...this won't hurt a bit... 1.2135 0.04918 89 72 15 2
2359 I think I can relieve the pressure you've been experiencing. 1.2135 0.04651 89 71 17 1
2360 I have a solution to your blockage problem 1.2135 0.04918 89 72 15 2
2361 You will just feel a small prick. 1.2135 0.05171 89 73 13 3
2362 a bottle of wine a day keeps the doctor entertained 1.2135 0.04918 89 72 15 2
2363 I'm going to screw with your head a little bit before I write you the prescription 1.2133 0.05787 75 62 10 3
2364 Of course not! You'll have at least another few days. Maybe even a week in the fridge. 1.2133 0.05467 75 61 12 2
2365 I just need a sample and we'll see where to go from there. 1.2133 0.05787 75 62 10 3
2366 Mr. Wineman I have good and bad news. You are aging gracefully, but you are corked! 1.2133 0.05787 75 62 10 3
2367 This may be painful at first, but you will breathe easier. 1.2130 0.04753 108 89 15 4
2368 It’s a simple, painless procedure—one that I’ve done thousands of times. 1.2130 0.04753 108 89 15 4
2369 Stop all your whining or you'll blow your cork! 1.2128 0.04752 94 76 16 2
2370 I see you've aged 10 years since our last appointment 1.2128 0.04987 94 77 14 3
2371 I prefer a twist off cap. 1.2128 0.04505 94 75 18 1
2372 Acidity, fermentation, and tannin results require one more test. 1.2128 0.05427 94 79 10 5
2373 It’s really a quite simple extraction. 1.2128 0.04752 94 76 16 2
2374 Relax, you're not the only one to have a screw loose. 1.2128 0.05427 94 79 10 5
2375 Now, if you’ll bend over slightly this won’t hurt a bit. 1.2128 0.05427 94 79 10 5
2376 Don't worry, this will just help you breathe a little before we begin 1.2128 0.04752 94 76 16 2
2377 I hear you’re under a lot of pressure. 1.2128 0.04244 94 74 20 0
2378 I'm going to help you breathe 1.2125 0.05245 80 65 13 2
2379 Don't worry, I learned all about this in grad school. 1.2125 0.05245 80 65 13 2
2380 I have just the thing for your headache. 1.2125 0.04934 80 64 15 1
2381 It will only feel like a little pinch. 1.2125 0.05245 80 65 13 2
2382 I'm sorry to inform you that due to your age, your time is short. 1.2125 0.05245 80 65 13 2
2383 This won't hurt, it's just a little pinch. 1.2125 0.05539 80 66 11 3
2384 Just a slight pressure. 1.2125 0.05245 80 65 13 2
2385 Yes it's invasive, but it will help you breathe. 1.2125 0.05817 80 67 9 4
2386 Im hosting a dinner party for the hospital staff tonight. I'd love for you to join us. 1.2125 0.05539 80 66 11 3
2387 I know you feel like your emotions are all bottled up inside but I think I have just the thing to help you open up. 1.2125 0.05539 80 66 11 3
2388 The good news is you're perfectly aged. 1.2125 0.05539 80 66 11 3
2389 Remember when I recommended you get more air? 1.2125 0.05539 80 66 11 3
2390 I promise I won’t screw up. 1.2125 0.05539 80 66 11 3
2391 I never thought I’d perform a frontal lobotomy on the bottle in front of me. 1.2125 0.05245 80 65 13 2
2392 Contrary to what you've heard Vern, we are in fact out to screw you. 1.2125 0.05817 80 67 9 4
2393 Let's take a look inside, shall we? 1.2125 0.05245 80 65 13 2
2394 It’s just a tickle 1.2125 0.05245 80 65 13 2
2395 Nothing to worry about…we just need to draw some fluids. 1.2125 0.05245 80 65 13 2
2396 Did I mention I’m writing a book about your exact condition? 1.2125 0.04934 80 64 15 1
2397 Not to worry, I’ve done this procedure hundreds of times. In fact, as recently as last night. 1.2125 0.05245 80 65 13 2
2398 No worries; I'm using the less painful top approach." 1.2121 0.04821 99 81 15 3
2399 Now you're going to feel a little pinch 1.2121 0.05030 99 82 13 4
2400 Uncork and be free! 1.2121 0.04821 99 81 15 3
2401 I understand you wish to donate your remains to gastronomy? 1.2118 0.05317 85 70 12 3
2402 Well, the good news is that you're going to bring smiles to a half-dozen of my friends. 1.2118 0.05317 85 70 12 3
2403 Your purpose? You hold the wine! 1.2118 0.04762 85 68 16 1
2404 Well, the good news is you're not a rosé.. 1.2118 0.05047 85 69 14 2
2405 Just relax. Time to release your inner self. 1.2118 0.04762 85 68 16 1
2406 Don't worry, I do this all the time. 1.2118 0.05047 85 69 14 2
2407 …and the bad news is the same—you got better with age. 1.2118 0.04762 85 68 16 1
2408 Now...if you'll just bend down...we'll take care of that nasty old headache. 1.2118 0.05047 85 69 14 2
2409 Screw, you“can be more than an epithe 1.2118 0.05317 85 70 12 3
2410 Veni. Vidi vino. 1.2118 0.05575 85 71 10 4
2411 It's a simple procedure. You'll be breathing in no time." 1.2118 0.04762 85 68 16 1
2412 You’ll feel a slight pressure at first but as you breath deeply a feeling of euphoria will settle in. 1.2118 0.05575 85 71 10 4
2413 This will open your chakras. 1.2118 0.05575 85 71 10 4
2414 Everyone has to have their first prostate exam eventually, and you’re just about the right age. 1.2118 0.04762 85 68 16 1
2415 Checking your prostate presents a unique challenge. 1.2115 0.05053 104 87 12 5
2416 Are you familiar with Easter, Ramadan or Purim? 1.2113 0.05644 71 58 11 2
2417 ‘I’m about to get screwed and you’re smiling. I feel empty already.’ 1.2113 0.06317 71 60 7 4
2418 No tears, please. I said I delight in terroir. 1.2111 0.04869 90 73 15 2
2419 Not to worry! You'll feel a little prick and then soon I'll be feeling no pain. 1.2111 0.04605 90 72 17 1
2420 Now I just need you to is turn your head and cough. 1.2111 0.05585 90 76 9 5
2421 Don't worry, it won't hurt a bit but you might consider a screw top going forward. 1.2111 0.05119 90 74 13 3
2422 Relax, it's a simple procedure, making it easier for you to breathe... 1.2111 0.04869 90 73 15 2
2423 This procedure will allow you to breathe for about ten minutes. 1.2111 0.04869 90 73 15 2
2424 Don’t worry, I always screw up. 1.2111 0.05119 90 74 13 3
2425 Don't worry, you'll just hear a slight pop and then it'll all be over. 1.2111 0.04869 90 73 15 2
2426 Surely, a bold 30 year old Spaniard from the southern Mediterranean coast who pairs magnificently with duck isn't scared of a little needle? 1.2111 0.05119 90 74 13 3
2427 My wife just left me. 1.2111 0.04869 90 73 15 2
2428 This decant, er, can’t hurt a bit 1.2111 0.04605 90 72 17 1
2429 Please don’t wine, it will be over before you know it. 1.2111 0.04869 90 73 15 2
2430 I twist, you shout. 1.2110 0.04137 109 87 21 1
2431 I promise... you will age better. 1.2105 0.04708 95 77 16 2
2432 Oh dear! I did not believe him when he said "I have a screwpulous solution to plug your soul from going bad". 1.2105 0.05161 95 79 12 4
2433 I promise, it's not an injection 1.2105 0.04205 95 75 20 0
2434 Step into my office for an enjoyable treatment 1.2105 0.05402 76 62 12 2
2435 This is not going to hurt at all. 1.2105 0.05717 76 63 10 3
2436 Don't be such a winer. 1.2105 0.04401 114 93 18 3
2437 I am here to relieve your pressure 1.2105 0.04574 114 94 16 4
2438 No pills,no exercise,and your weight goes down smoothly. 1.2105 0.04708 95 77 16 2
2439 The tests came back and your fluids look great. 1.2105 0.04708 95 77 16 2
2440 Just relax, it won't hurt a bit. 1.2105 0.05717 76 63 10 3
2441 So I'm just gonna take a little look inside. 1.2105 0.04940 95 78 14 3
2442 This treatment will help you breathe 1.2105 0.05067 76 61 14 1
2443 We’re just going to open you up so you can breath and then take a look at your legs. 1.2105 0.05067 76 61 14 1
2444 Think of it like this. I’ll have a bottle in front of me and you’ll have a frontal lobotomy. 1.2105 0.05374 95 80 10 5
2445 Next time on Surrealist Proctology Theater... 1.2105 0.04708 95 77 16 2
2446 I guarantee my treatment will release that pressure in your head. 1.2105 0.04463 95 76 18 1
2447 In this line of work, everyone is out to screw you. 1.2105 0.04940 95 78 14 3
2448 Don't worry you're not my first French actress 1.2105 0.05402 76 62 12 2
2449 Just wait until you hear from the billing department, they’re REALLY gonna screw you. 1.2105 0.06016 76 64 8 4
2450 Sorry Vino, but now that you have aged so wonderfully, I need to do a prostate exam. 1.2100 0.05183 100 84 11 5
2451 No, actually this procedure is closer to an enema. 1.2100 0.04777 100 82 15 3
2452 It's a simple procedure; neither one of us will feel a thing. 1.2100 0.04560 100 81 17 2
2453 Don''t worry - today's corks make the procedure completely painless for the patient. 1.2100 0.04333 100 80 19 1
2454 Don't worry. I've done this a thousand times at home. 1.2099 0.05751 81 68 9 4
2455 The lab test indicates excessive fluids throughout your system. 1.2099 0.05751 81 68 9 4
2456 Must be my lucky day !! 1.2099 0.05476 81 67 11 3
2457 Now please bend over and I’ll check your prostate. 1.2099 0.05476 81 67 11 3
2458 Once we remove it, I guarantee you'll breathe better. 1.2099 0.05187 81 66 13 2
2459 Your condition is quite common, but easily treated. 1.2099 0.05187 81 66 13 2
2460 O You've aged. 1.2099 0.04880 81 65 15 1
2461 Good news/bad news: there is no copay for this visit — but the corkage fee is $5,000. 1.2099 0.05476 81 67 11 3
2462 Don’t whine! You’ll get a lollipop, after! 1.2099 0.05476 81 67 11 3
2463 You needn't worry about this procedure -- I'll be wearing a protective glove. 1.2099 0.05476 81 67 11 3
2464 Yes, you’ll feel a little pinch, but then weight loss is guaranteed. 1.2099 0.05751 81 68 9 4
2465 Good news! Your bloodwork shows a high affinity with full-flavored cheeses! 1.2099 0.05476 81 67 11 3
2466 Insurance covers most of the visit, but not the corking fee 1.2099 0.04553 81 64 17 0
2467 All this would be easier if you were a screw cap. 1.2099 0.05187 81 66 13 2
2468 This procedure will allow you to breathe and free up some head space. 1.2099 0.05187 81 66 13 2
2469 Trust me. Something to help you breath. 1.2095 0.03991 105 83 22 0
2470 No, this can't go in your bottom. 1.2095 0.04426 105 85 18 2
2471 We do these procedures all the time. I think you'll find that letting in some air will improve things markedly. 1.2095 0.04628 105 86 16 3
2472 I was hoping you could stop by for a drink. 1.2093 0.05758 86 73 8 5
2473 Show me yours - and I'll show you mine. 1.2093 0.05261 86 71 12 3
2474 Good news! You're all grapes! 1.2093 0.05515 86 72 10 4
2475 I hear dancing is good to relieve stress. Have you ever heard of The Twist? 1.2093 0.05261 86 71 12 3
2476 So I hear you’re having some trouble breathing? 1.2093 0.04994 86 70 14 2
2477 This procedure won't drain you, trust me I'm a doctor. 1.2093 0.04994 86 70 14 2
2478 I suspect some sort of fluid buildup… Not to worry, I can take care of it :-) 1.2093 0.05261 86 71 12 3
2479 You’ll barely notice it. 1.2093 0.05261 86 71 12 3
2480 You said you didn't have insurance? 1.2091 0.04674 110 91 15 4
2481 You need to breathe. But first...... 1.2090 0.05839 67 55 10 2
2482 Will have to pop open your noggin before I can examine your legs. 1.2090 0.05839 67 55 10 2
2483 In other words, you're screwed. 1.2090 0.05839 67 55 10 2
2484 You're going to feel a little pinch... followed by a loud popping sound. 1.2088 0.04284 91 72 19 0
2485 The bottle in front of me is about to get a frontal lobotomy. 1.2088 0.04560 91 73 17 1
2486 Yes, I'm afraid we're going to operate. On the plus side, you'll be paired with a nice, juicy steak. 1.2088 0.04560 91 73 17 1
2487 You're aging beautifully—it's the best time of your life. 1.2088 0.04821 91 74 15 2
2488 It seems as if your “vino” is about to get “veritas”!! 1.2088 0.04821 91 74 15 2
2489 Where did you say you’re from? 1.2088 0.05303 91 76 11 4
2490 It’s called a lobottlemy. 1.2088 0.05529 91 77 9 5
2491 Don’t worry. You will just feel a pinch and then you will be able to breathe. 1.2088 0.04560 91 73 17 1
2492 'Screwtop,' you say. 'Well, we'll see about that.' 1.2088 0.04821 91 74 15 2
2493 Why don't we start with a little off the top? 1.2088 0.04560 91 73 17 1
2494 The chest are good! So…! 1.2088 0.05068 91 75 13 3
2495 Just relax your neck. 1.2088 0.05068 91 75 13 3
2496 Trust me, it will be an uplifting experience. 1.2088 0.04284 91 72 19 0
2497 I’ve gotta warn you though…it won’t ever feel quite the same if you want it back in. 1.2088 0.05068 91 75 13 3
2498 I promise I’ll be very gentle. 1.2087 0.04537 115 95 16 4
2499 Yes, I'm bored certified. 1.2083 0.04663 96 78 16 2
2500 I need a red blood cell sample and it won't hurt a bit. 1.2083 0.05112 96 80 12 4
2501 You will just feel a little prick and then everyone will fell better 1.2083 0.05573 72 59 11 2
2502 Relax! According to 90% of the studies I’ve seen on the news, you’re healthy. 1.2083 0.05210 72 58 13 1
2503 Not you again . . . 1.2083 0.05210 72 58 13 1
2504 Take a pairing and call me in the morning. 1.2083 0.05913 72 60 9 3
2505 Its a little like anal intercouse. You won't mind it A bit. 1.2083 0.05573 72 59 11 2
2506 Don't worry, it's just a simple procedure. I've done hundreds of these. You'll be back on your feet in no time! 1.2083 0.05112 96 80 12 4
2507 I’need you to be open with me. 1.2083 0.04167 96 76 20 0
2508 Just don’t look and you’ll be fine. 1.2083 0.04893 96 79 14 3
2509 Hey, how ya doin? 1.2083 0.04893 96 79 14 3
2510 Is this covered by my insurance? 1.2083 0.06235 72 61 7 4
2511 Today YOU are going to make ME feel better 1.2083 0.05913 72 60 9 3
2512 I'll release the pressure and you'll feel the BEST you have EVER felt in your life. 1.2079 0.04295 101 81 19 1
2513 I need to remove the obstruction. 1.2079 0.04734 101 83 15 3
2514 Surprise! 1.2079 0.04295 101 81 19 1
2515 I never screw up, but in this case... 1.2079 0.04939 101 84 13 4
2516 You should come for physicals more regularly 1.2079 0.04520 101 82 17 2
2517 But I don't feel loved afterward, I just feel empty and screwed! 1.2078 0.05008 77 62 14 1
2518 When a man sees me with this tool, he runs from the room. 1.2078 0.05944 77 65 8 4
2519 Don't worry, I'm just going to screw around with you so you can breathe easier. 1.2078 0.05649 77 64 10 3
2520 At your age, you shouldn't really give a shit if it hurts or not. 1.2078 0.05649 77 64 10 3
2521 You will feel a sharp jab and then a draining sensation. 1.2078 0.05649 77 64 10 3
2522 I'll be frank, Franc 1.2078 0.05649 77 64 10 3
2523 Let's make sure you're really improving with age. 1.2078 0.05338 77 63 12 2
2524 Unfortunately your insurance doesn’t cover corkage. 1.2078 0.05008 77 62 14 1
2525 Bend over and say ah 1.2078 0.05649 77 64 10 3
2526 I'm gonna need you to trust me on this one... 1.2078 0.05338 77 63 12 2
2527 Don't worry, it's 5 o'clock somewhere 1.2078 0.05944 77 65 8 4
2528 This will only hurt for a moment. The good news is: they're not big drinkers at the table, so you'll be around for quite a while. 1.2078 0.05944 77 65 8 4
2529 Relax. You’re not going to get screwed. 1.2078 0.05649 77 64 10 3
2530 Open up, please 1.2078 0.05008 77 62 14 1
2531 It's a simple procedure but has a complex finish. 1.2078 0.05338 77 63 12 2
2532 I might have a drinking problem 1.2078 0.05338 77 63 12 2
2533 I have a technique that's going to help you breathe. 1.2073 0.05415 82 68 11 3
2534 It's a little procedure to help those of your age to you loosen up and breath. 1.2073 0.05415 82 68 11 3
2535 Doctor, put that thing away before I blow my cork. 1.2073 0.04827 82 66 15 1
2536 Open wide! 1.2073 0.05129 82 67 13 2
2537 There'll be a little sting 1.2073 0.05129 82 67 13 2
2538 We find this procedure is tolerated quite well in most cases. 1.2073 0.05415 82 68 11 3
2539 Would you be offended if I said you were the most full bodied red I’ve ever operated on? 1.2073 0.05945 82 70 7 5
2540 I promise, as a Doctor of Internal Medicine, you are a panacea. 1.2073 0.05129 82 67 13 2
2541 Trust me-- after this you’ll be able to breathe 1.2073 0.05415 82 68 11 3
2542 I see that you've been under a lot of pressure lately. I have something that I think will help. 1.2073 0.04827 82 66 15 1
2543 Just a small incision and we will have that fluid drained for you. 1.2073 0.05129 82 67 13 2
2544 The French pioneered this procedure. 1.2073 0.05129 82 67 13 2
2545 Good news! We’ve found a solution for your fluid retention issue. 1.2073 0.05129 82 67 13 2
2546 First the good news—you were born in a very tasty year. 1.2073 0.05415 82 68 11 3
2547 You've got great legs 1.2073 0.05129 82 67 13 2
2548 How do I screw thee? Let me count the ways. 1.2073 0.05415 82 68 11 3
2549 It won't hurt, but you may let out a little wine. 1.2073 0.05129 82 67 13 2
2550 At your age, this is common; don’t pop your cork over it. 1.2073 0.05129 82 67 13 2
2551 I'm a doctor, I'd never screw you over. 1.2073 0.04504 82 65 17 0
2552 Don't worry, it's minimally invasive. I'm just going to have a quick look inside. 1.2072 0.04267 111 90 19 2
2553 I'm not sure if this is ethically questionable, but I'm going to prescribe myself a glass of you. 1.2072 0.04455 111 91 17 3
2554 Decanting is truly the best way to address what's bottled up. 1.2069 0.04942 87 71 14 2
2555 I'm not really a doctor I just play one in commercials. 1.2069 0.04942 87 71 14 2
2556 Open wide and let's take a look. 1.2069 0.05456 87 73 10 4
2557 Just a little poke. Remember that you're doing this for the good of your community. 1.2069 0.05456 87 73 10 4
2558 Well, it's actually BECAUSE of your vintage that I feel we need to move forward with this procedure. 1.2069 0.05456 87 73 10 4
2559 You could say that this is a once in a lifetime type procedure. 1.2069 0.04942 87 71 14 2
2560 We serve no wine before it's time and lucky for me, It's time! 1.2069 0.04664 87 70 16 1
2561 Now that you've aged... 1.2069 0.05206 87 72 12 3
2562 Relax, all your friends are doing it. 1.2069 0.05206 87 72 12 3
2563 This next procedure will allow you to breath better 1.2069 0.05206 87 72 12 3
2564 Nurse Ratched will be in shortly to assist with the procedure. 1.2069 0.04942 87 71 14 2
2565 My diagnosis is you're soon to be screwed. 1.2065 0.04516 92 74 17 1
2566 This will help with that bloated feeling. 1.2065 0.04773 92 75 15 2
2567 We just need a small sample for your lab work. 1.2065 0.04516 92 74 17 1
2568 No, aeration isn't entirely non-invasive. 1.2065 0.04516 92 74 17 1
2569 Just to be sure, we're going to need a five-ounce sample. 1.2065 0.04516 92 74 17 1
2570 This will only hurt a little. 1.2065 0.05017 92 76 13 3
2571 I'll be the first to admit it, Vinny -- you're getting screwed. 1.2065 0.05250 92 77 11 4
2572 Are you just going to sit there and wine all day? 1.2065 0.05017 92 76 13 3
2573 You may feel a slight pushing sensation during the procedure. 1.2065 0.04244 92 73 19 0
2574 You've come through the examination with flying colours. Whad'ya say we celebrate? 1.2065 0.05250 92 77 11 4
2575 Wait a minute! I thought the guidelines said I didn't need this for ten years. 1.2065 0.04773 92 75 15 2
2576 While invasive this test is recommended for those as well aged as you. 1.2065 0.04244 92 73 19 0
2577 Yes, it'll help you breathe but the corkage fee is all out-of-pocket. 1.2065 0.05017 92 76 13 3
2578 I took your case to an oenologist and guess what? We're in complete agreement. 1.2062 0.05064 97 81 12 4
2579 You want to know if it’s treatable, for someone of your vintage? It’s not only treatable, it’s going to be quite enjoyable. 1.2062 0.05064 97 81 12 4
2580 Not to worry. The corking fee is covered by your HMO. 1.2062 0.04381 97 78 18 1
2581 Remain distilled and breathe. 1.2062 0.04620 97 79 16 2
2582 I see you getting screwed in the very near future.... 1.2062 0.04381 97 78 18 1
2583 Constipation? Feeling bottled up? I have just the cure. 1.2062 0.04847 97 80 14 3
2584 I will need a blood sample after all, Mr. Chianti. You’ll pair nicely with my next patient, Mr. Parmigiana. 1.2062 0.04620 97 79 16 2
2585 This is gonna hurt you more than it is me! 1.2062 0.04381 97 78 18 1
2586 You are about to give birth to a healthy rosé. 1.2062 0.05271 97 82 10 5
2587 Would you prefer a colonoscopy? 1.2059 0.05760 68 56 10 2
2588 I think I can help you lose some weight. 1.2059 0.04258 102 82 19 1
2589 Hi! I'm Doctor Sokol and I've come to take your temperature. 1.2059 0.04258 102 82 19 1
2590 You’ll love the new you after the decanting procedure. 1.2059 0.04940 68 54 14 0
2591 I promise you'll only feel a little pinch." Barbara Frankel, Davis, C 1.2059 0.04692 102 84 15 3
2592 Screwed again? 1.2055 0.05839 73 61 9 3
2593 ....but you'll breathe so much better when it's over... 1.2055 0.05503 73 60 11 2
2594 Afterwards just breathe.....then cough 1.2055 0.05839 73 61 9 3
2595 The good news is that we can rule constipation out. 1.2055 0.05839 73 61 9 3
2596 Just lie back and relax. You might feel just a slight pinch. 1.2054 0.04233 112 91 19 2
2597 I understand you're having trouble breathing. 1.2051 0.04602 78 62 16 0
2598 Having trouble breathing? 1.2051 0.04950 78 63 14 1
2599 It's a win-win. You'll feel less bottled up. And I'll be smashed. 1.2051 0.05583 78 65 10 3
2600 You were assigned red but you've always felt white, so I'm going to make you the first trans wine. 1.2051 0.05873 78 66 8 4
2601 Cheese probe? 1.2051 0.05276 78 64 12 2
2602 It's nothing, simply a back scratcher 1.2048 0.05355 83 69 11 3
2603 Take off your pants. 1.2048 0.05355 83 69 11 3
2604 Don’t worry. It’s just like a normal rectal exam. 1.2048 0.05355 83 69 11 3
2605 I promise I won’t screw you up! 1.2048 0.04775 83 67 15 1
2606 No worries! Some corks get a kick out of it! 1.2048 0.05355 83 69 11 3
2607 Trust me. I have the solution to relieve your headache. 1.2048 0.05073 83 68 13 2
2608 This will only sting for a second. 1.2048 0.05355 83 69 11 3
2609 I have just the thing to relieve your alchohol dependence. 1.2048 0.05355 83 69 11 3
2610 You are about to be screwed. 1.2048 0.05878 83 71 7 5
2611 Remember that old saying, "I'd rather have a bottle in front of me ..." 1.2048 0.05623 83 70 9 4
2612 I promise to be gentle. 1.2048 0.04775 83 67 15 1
2613 Did I say glass? Oh, ha! I meant vial. We just need a vial 1.2048 0.05623 83 70 9 4
2614 so I says to the rabbi, the priest.. 1.2048 0.05355 83 69 11 3
2615 It's just a routine cork up, nothing serious 1.2048 0.05355 83 69 11 3
2616 If you think you're about to get screwed now, just wait until you see the bill. 1.2045 0.05399 88 74 10 4
2617 Someone told me it's your birthday. How many years has it been? 1.2045 0.05863 88 76 6 6
2618 Oh quit your whining, see what I did there? But really this is going to hurt. 1.2045 0.04617 88 71 16 1
2619 Time to uncork? Or wait for the fuller body? 1.2045 0.04891 88 72 14 2
2620 You’ll feel a small pinch, but after the pressure is released, you’ll feel so much better. 1.2045 0.04891 88 72 14 2
2621 You'll only feel a little pinch. 1.2045 0.04891 88 72 14 2
2622 I think you’re a great candidate for a revolutionary weight-loss program. 1.2045 0.05399 88 74 10 4
2623 Does it help to know you will be served at the indictment party?" 1.2045 0.04617 88 71 16 1
2624 This calls for a corkectomy. 1.2045 0.04891 88 72 14 2
2625 We send the sample to the lab for analysis with aged gouda. 1.2045 0.04617 88 71 16 1
2626 I'm afraid that everyday can't be a rosé day. 1.2045 0.04891 88 72 14 2
2627 Well yes, it is like acupuncture, in a roundabout sort of way. 😁 1.2045 0.05399 88 74 10 4
2628 Typically you have to wait for insurance to get screwed this big. 1.2045 0.05636 88 75 8 5
2629 This will only hurt just a drop 1.2045 0.04891 88 72 14 2
2630 I apologize for the long wait, but I am now ready to serve you. 1.2043 0.04204 93 74 19 0
2631 So what do you think doctor? Am I screwed? 1.2043 0.05198 93 78 11 4
2632 The good news is that we won't be using any needles... 1.2043 0.04727 93 76 15 2
2633 The prune juice isn't working, Doc. I need some relief. 1.2043 0.04727 93 76 15 2
2634 You aren’t going to cork, but you are still screwed. 1.2043 0.04727 93 76 15 2
2635 Now just turn you head and cough. 1.2043 0.05630 93 80 7 6
2636 Ever have a corkonoscopy? 1.2043 0.05198 93 78 11 4
2637 Just one more little procedure,and then we can have a drink. 1.2043 0.04727 93 76 15 2
2638 Top or bottom? 1.2043 0.04727 93 76 15 2
2639 You’ll be happy to know that there is no co-pay for this procedure 1.2043 0.04968 93 77 13 3
2640 I assure you, there’ll be no corkage fee. 1.2043 0.04968 93 77 13 3
2641 No, but I drank a lot of beer in college. 1.2043 0.04473 93 75 17 1
2642 Now you are going to feel a tiny pinch. 1.2041 0.04577 98 80 16 2
2643 I can remove that, but your insurance won't cover the corking fee. 1.2041 0.04577 98 80 16 2
2644 I’ve done this a thousand times. You’ll feel clean as a whistle. 1.2041 0.04802 98 81 14 3
2645 We need a little larger blood draw than usual. 1.2041 0.04577 98 80 16 2
2646 You’ll just feel a minor pinch. 1.2041 0.04577 98 80 16 2
2647 Now, we need to check this bitter aftertaste that you're experiencing 1.2041 0.04577 98 80 16 2
2648 I'll need you to bend over. 1.2039 0.05043 103 87 11 5
2649 Relax! This will hurt me more than it hurts you. 1.2039 0.04441 103 84 17 2
2650 The good news is I don't need to check your prostate today. 1.2037 0.04880 108 91 12 5
2651 Don't worry, it's just a quick little stick. You won't feel it at all! 1.2037 0.04699 108 90 14 4
2652 Unfortunately your insurance doesn’t cover cork removal. 1.2037 0.04699 108 90 14 4
2653 Oh, don't worry. No finger this time. 1.2037 0.04511 108 89 16 3
2654 You won't even notice it! 1.2031 0.06370 64 54 7 3
2655 It has to come out! 1.2031 0.05537 64 52 11 1
2656 You will breathe better after this. 1.2029 0.05684 69 57 10 2
2657 It’s happy hour for everyone… except you. 1.2029 0.05296 69 56 12 1
2658 So your insurance doesn't cover twist offs. 1.2029 0.05684 69 57 10 2
2659 Ve haf vays to relieve your liquid assets blockage. 1.2027 0.05766 74 62 9 3
2660 Why Mr. Cabernet, what a nice long nose you have... 1.2027 0.05435 74 61 11 2
2661 I like a full body with a great bouquet. 1.2027 0.05766 74 62 9 3
2662 You did say you wanted a leading role. 1.2027 0.05766 74 62 9 3
2663 please face your label towards me and it will all be over in mere seconds. 1.2027 0.05083 74 60 13 1
2664 Cheer up--your body's fine, and your nose is even finer! 1.2027 0.05083 74 60 13 1
2665 It’s not too painful, although it might make you whine. 1.2027 0.05083 74 60 13 1
2666 So, how did the prep go? 1.2027 0.05083 74 60 13 1
2667 Ever heard of trephining? 1.2025 0.04894 79 64 14 1
2668 This procedure beats antacids! 1.2025 0.04894 79 64 14 1
2669 So you requested dance therapy. Let's start with a quick Twist. 1.2025 0.04894 79 64 14 1
2670 I'll have this bottle open faster than you can say "malpractice"! 1.2025 0.05804 79 67 8 4
2671 We need to test for secondary and tertiary aromas. 1.2025 0.05215 79 65 12 2
2672 This is a minimally invasive procedure 1.2025 0.05518 79 66 10 3
2673 Did you drink all of the prep stuff? 1.2025 0.05215 79 65 12 2
2674 And now for your corkonoscopy! 1.2025 0.05804 79 67 8 4
2675 It's relatively non-invasive and the side effects include permanent loss of cork and contents. But your complexion will be much clearer! 1.2025 0.05518 79 66 10 3
2676 The Rhône Valley is out of network, but this procedure is free to anyone over 50. 1.2025 0.04894 79 64 14 1
2677 You'll be fine once we've relieved the pressure on your brain 1.2025 0.05804 79 67 8 4
2678 No,really,it won’t hurt a bit. 1.2025 0.05518 79 66 10 3
2679 Take a deep breath, this won’t hurt a bit 1.2025 0.05215 79 65 12 2
2680 Given your age we’ll need a full body exam. 1.2024 0.05297 84 70 11 3
2681 You'll just feel a burning sensation. 1.2024 0.05561 84 71 9 4
2682 A frontal lobotomy on a bottle in front of me! 1.2024 0.05297 84 70 11 3
2683 Remember when I described how wine can cause headaches? 1.2024 0.05019 84 69 13 2
2684 Don't worry, I've done this procedure a million times. And I graduated at the bottom of my glass! 1.2024 0.05813 84 72 7 5
2685 I'm with the government and I'm here to help. 1.2024 0.05019 84 69 13 2
2686 Oh I'm not a doctor. I'm a sommelier, and I'll be serving you after your routine corkectomy. 1.2024 0.05813 84 72 7 5
2687 No, I'm quite sure you won't need a repeat in 5 years. 1.2024 0.04410 84 67 17 0
2688 Now just breathe." 1.2024 0.04410 84 67 17 0
2689 I prefer to think of it as a release of your inner goodness! 1.2024 0.04724 84 68 15 1
2690 It's just a quick procedure to drain excess fluid. 1.2024 0.05297 84 70 11 3
2691 The nurse said you are at room temperature, so that's very exciting. 1.2024 0.05561 84 71 9 4
2692 I'm your designated doctor. 1.2024 0.05019 84 69 13 2
2693 Good news. I’ve got something for that ‘bottled-up’ feeling you’ve been complaining about. 1.2024 0.04410 84 67 17 0
2694 I’m under a lot of pressure. I need something to take the edge off. Relax, this will help you breathe a little easier. 1.2024 0.05561 84 71 9 4
2695 I’m really afraid of needles. Don’t worry, we won’t be using any needles today. 1.2024 0.05297 84 70 11 3
2696 After all, you can't spell terroir without terror 1.2022 0.05099 89 74 12 3
2697 Just bend forward; it won't hurt a bit. 1.2022 0.05099 89 74 12 3
2698 This should relieve your constipation and, trust me, won't hurt a bit 1.2022 0.04842 89 73 14 2
2699 As luck would have it, you are my last patient on what has been a very busy Friday. 1.2022 0.05343 89 75 10 4
2700 I'm just going to take a little fluid off your brain. 1.2022 0.04842 89 73 14 2
2701 It's the most effective treatment for your tannic attacks. 1.2022 0.04842 89 73 14 2
2702 But Doc, I said "shrewd!" 1.2022 0.05099 89 74 12 3
2703 Trust me, it works for any age. It'll relieve that stuffy, congested feeling. 1.2022 0.05099 89 74 12 3
2704 This might tickle a little but trust me you’re going to feel 25 ounces lighter when we’re done! 1.2022 0.05099 89 74 12 3
2705 Yes, fine is a good way to describe how you're aging, however, there is one more test... 1.2022 0.05099 89 74 12 3
2706 A corkectomy is like a vasectomy….with just a bit more leakage. 1.2022 0.04842 89 73 14 2
2707 In med school I did a rotation as a sommelier. 1.2022 0.04842 89 73 14 2
2708 Your cork isn't the only thing that's going to get screwed tonight! 1.2022 0.04842 89 73 14 2
2709 Turn around, and cough for me 1.2022 0.04842 89 73 14 2
2710 Good News! You've just been selected to receive our wine lobotomy of the month. 1.2021 0.04920 94 78 13 3
2711 I’m here to help you pour out your feelings of despair 1.2021 0.04920 94 78 13 3
2712 I have just the right tool to help you breathe. 1.2021 0.04430 94 76 17 1
2713 May I buy you dinner? 1.2021 0.05574 94 81 7 6
2714 Let’s relieve some of that pressure you’ve been feeling.” 1.2021 0.04920 94 78 13 3
2715 Try to relax as much as possible. It'll just be a little pinch. 1.2021 0.04682 94 77 15 2
2716 Just take a deep breath and breathe. 1.2021 0.04920 94 78 13 3
2717 A routine decanting is recommended every five years. 1.2021 0.04920 94 78 13 3
2718 It's widely recommended for a wine or your bottle age. 1.2020 0.04758 99 82 14 3
2719 Don't worry, we've done this procedure many times, and I can assure you we've never screwed up..." 1.2020 0.04536 99 81 16 2
2720 Don't be scared, I just have a few screws loose. 1.2020 0.04969 99 83 12 4
2721 Congratulations! You are old enough to get screwed. 1.2020 0.04758 99 82 14 3
2722 It won't hurt. I'm a Proctologist 1.2020 0.04056 99 79 20 0
2723 No, I won't be using this to check your prostrate. 1.2020 0.04758 99 82 14 3
2724 I prefer to have a bottle in front of me, than a... 1.2020 0.04302 99 80 18 1
2725 Surgery? Give me a moment to breathe... 1.2000 0.04839 80 65 14 1
2726 Relax, it won't hurt a bit! 1.2000 0.05454 80 67 10 3
2727 Only one last time I get to screw you. 1.2000 0.04020 100 80 20 0
2728 Time to check your legs! 1.2000 0.04364 105 86 17 2
2729 The good news is, having a glass of red wine is good for MY heart... 1.2000 0.04793 90 74 14 2
2730 I think I can help you with your breathing problem, Mr. Merlot. 1.2000 0.05228 70 57 12 1
2731 I have just the thing to remove that congestion so you can breathe. 1.2000 0.04126 95 76 19 0
2732 We've developed a new, experimental treatment to help you open up. 1.2000 0.04674 85 69 15 1
2733 Now, if you could please bend over... 1.2000 0.05156 80 66 12 2
2734 Fortunately, we have the latest technology for your, ahem, examination... 1.2000 0.04965 85 70 13 2
2735 You are in peak condition! 1.2000 0.05369 75 62 11 2
2736 Just think of it as a shorter colonoscopy. 1.2000 0.05156 80 66 12 2
2737 What makes you think you will be screwed? 1.2000 0.05239 85 71 11 3
2738 Trust me, bottling it all up is bad for your vintage 1.2000 0.05737 80 68 8 4
2739 It is just a little pinch. 1.2000 0.04965 85 70 13 2
2740 It sounds like you're a bit stopped up. I've got just the thing! 1.2000