Rank |
Caption |
Mean |
Precision |
Total votes |
"Unfunny" votes |
"Somewhat funny" votes |
"Funny" votes |
0 |
It’s a win-win. He was delicious, and now we’ve got a flashlight. |
1.6697 |
0.02447 |
1096 |
600 |
258 |
238 |
1 |
And all that was left was a giant carbon footprint |
1.6695 |
0.01258 |
2959 |
1343 |
1251 |
365 |
2 |
And then he saw something that made his blood run warm. |
1.6613 |
0.01235 |
3171 |
1486 |
1273 |
412 |
3 |
Why not just exhale and save the batteries? |
1.6242 |
0.01357 |
2581 |
1280 |
991 |
310 |
4 |
And then you wake up in a museum naked. |
1.6037 |
0.02014 |
1466 |
841 |
365 |
260 |
5 |
I always get the damn merit badges stuck in my teeth. |
1.5905 |
0.01361 |
2645 |
1411 |
906 |
328 |
6 |
Suddenly she heard an asteroid snap. She lay there, petrified. |
1.5789 |
0.01263 |
2484 |
1235 |
1060 |
189 |
7 |
Do I have anyone stuck in my teeth? |
1.5768 |
0.01803 |
1770 |
1042 |
435 |
293 |
8 |
Dad, that joke is 100 million years old! |
1.5757 |
0.01777 |
1810 |
1064 |
450 |
296 |
9 |
Stop already! You’re making me a nervous rex. |
1.5718 |
0.02741 |
808 |
492 |
170 |
146 |
10 |
And his caption was lost forever. |
1.5713 |
0.01407 |
2622 |
1483 |
780 |
359 |
11 |
Is there someone in my teeth? |
1.5684 |
0.01569 |
2479 |
1522 |
505 |
452 |
12 |
Oooh, your stories make my blood run warm. |
1.5637 |
0.01405 |
2269 |
1219 |
821 |
229 |
13 |
Stop it! It makes you look like a monster! |
1.5554 |
0.01966 |
1408 |
835 |
364 |
209 |
14 |
Then they strung his bones together with wire and hung them from the ceiling! |
1.5543 |
0.01849 |
1474 |
846 |
439 |
189 |
15 |
Is anyone stuck in my teeth? |
1.5532 |
0.01753 |
1804 |
1083 |
444 |
277 |
16 |
Wait: You have thumbs?! |
1.5531 |
0.01855 |
1611 |
967 |
397 |
247 |
17 |
I can't tell if I'm still hungry or if he has his phone on vibrate. |
1.5448 |
0.02061 |
1362 |
845 |
292 |
225 |
18 |
…and there, in the museum lobby, missing
half his bones, was Uncle Herman! |
1.5443 |
0.02078 |
1288 |
785 |
305 |
198 |
19 |
It’s a tale as old as, well, us. |
1.5436 |
0.01981 |
1157 |
647 |
391 |
119 |
20 |
And then they wired his bones together and put him in a museum. |
1.5391 |
0.01808 |
1508 |
879 |
445 |
184 |
21 |
Please,not the one about the asteroid. |
1.5359 |
0.02069 |
1241 |
751 |
315 |
175 |
22 |
Legend says that the meteor is still out there... |
1.5303 |
0.01994 |
1288 |
774 |
345 |
169 |
23 |
And then they turned Godzilla… INTO A MUSICAL. |
1.5257 |
0.02138 |
1185 |
735 |
277 |
173 |
24 |
Yeah, yeah...In a certain kind of light you look just like Godzilla. |
1.5220 |
0.02069 |
1157 |
695 |
320 |
142 |
25 |
Don't do that. It makes you look scary. |
1.5215 |
0.02130 |
1162 |
717 |
284 |
161 |
26 |
The big ones were forcing the little ones to eat vegetables |
1.5215 |
0.02288 |
815 |
462 |
281 |
72 |
27 |
Then they hang your bones and use your corpse for fuel |
1.5156 |
0.01997 |
995 |
555 |
367 |
73 |
28 |
You look like Marjorie Taylor Greene |
1.5147 |
0.02357 |
1055 |
689 |
189 |
177 |
29 |
I dunno, this is what those campers were doing before we ate them |
1.5113 |
0.02439 |
882 |
552 |
209 |
121 |
30 |
And then, they used our remains to power their cars! |
1.5084 |
0.02306 |
958 |
595 |
239 |
124 |
31 |
And all this time I didn't think our front legs were good for anything! |
1.5082 |
0.02289 |
970 |
602 |
243 |
125 |
32 |
Quoth the Raptor ‘Carnivore.’ |
1.5078 |
0.02495 |
967 |
646 |
151 |
170 |
33 |
You think this is scary, you should have seen the look on the face of the guy I took this from |
1.5070 |
0.02371 |
931 |
586 |
218 |
127 |
34 |
You've got someone in your teeth. |
1.5064 |
0.02336 |
934 |
582 |
231 |
121 |
35 |
It'd probably be more chilling if we weren't already cold-blooded. |
1.5058 |
0.02007 |
943 |
527 |
355 |
61 |
36 |
Then suddenly, they heard a big BANG. The end.” |
1.5039 |
0.02560 |
905 |
604 |
146 |
155 |
37 |
So I guess this means you forgot the marshmallows. |
1.5038 |
0.02347 |
915 |
570 |
229 |
116 |
38 |
Is this going to be the asteroid one again? |
1.4971 |
0.02340 |
849 |
518 |
240 |
91 |
39 |
Are we dinosaurs or dragons? I’m so high right now. |
1.4966 |
0.02744 |
739 |
485 |
141 |
113 |
40 |
...and they'll use our liquified bones to fuel mid-size sedans |
1.4964 |
0.02481 |
822 |
519 |
198 |
105 |
41 |
And in millions of years we’ll just be birds. |
1.4945 |
0.02314 |
819 |
491 |
251 |
77 |
42 |
Something about this sudden cold snap is really bothering me. |
1.4938 |
0.02163 |
802 |
456 |
296 |
50 |
43 |
I do like your karaoke, Dino. But "I Will Survive" just makes me uncomfortable.. |
1.4938 |
0.02503 |
802 |
507 |
194 |
101 |
44 |
It's true! Long ago Humans used to roam the Earth! |
1.4934 |
0.02563 |
756 |
476 |
187 |
93 |
45 |
And they’ll use your decayed bones as fuel to travel all around Earth! |
1.4918 |
0.02512 |
793 |
502 |
192 |
99 |
46 |
You have a bit of pterodactyl in your teeth. |
1.4910 |
0.02233 |
780 |
451 |
275 |
54 |
47 |
Do I have someone between my teeth? |
1.4902 |
0.02607 |
765 |
493 |
169 |
103 |
48 |
Can't we just have a nice evening by the fire without all the drama? |
1.4888 |
0.02197 |
759 |
432 |
283 |
44 |
49 |
Then, the Asteroid Deniers got elected. |
1.4888 |
0.02667 |
757 |
496 |
152 |
109 |
50 |
I got my braces off!! |
1.4874 |
0.02623 |
751 |
485 |
166 |
100 |
51 |
And their young are born . . . alive! |
1.4856 |
0.02610 |
727 |
463 |
175 |
89 |
52 |
They all have smooth, near hair-less skin, ten toes, and a scream that can turn you into pudding. They call them toddlers. |
1.4855 |
0.02673 |
725 |
470 |
158 |
97 |
53 |
And then all of Earth became a graveyard where, to this day, they are still digging up our bones… |
1.4850 |
0.02683 |
734 |
480 |
152 |
102 |
54 |
You always ruin your campfire stories by going too over-the-top. Extinction, Roy? I mean, really? |
1.4840 |
0.02692 |
721 |
470 |
153 |
98 |
55 |
You're scaring the coprolite out of me. |
1.4840 |
0.02268 |
719 |
414 |
262 |
43 |
56 |
I found it when digging through the remains of the previous civilization!” |
1.4824 |
0.02653 |
740 |
483 |
157 |
100 |
57 |
Call me old school, but breathing fire is a lot scarier! |
1.4798 |
0.02695 |
694 |
449 |
157 |
88 |
58 |
Tell me that one about civilization again. |
1.4795 |
0.02407 |
684 |
406 |
228 |
50 |
59 |
…then Puff heard the eeriest noise coming from the autumn mist… |
1.4794 |
0.02694 |
678 |
435 |
161 |
82 |
60 |
And then he said 'I just need to find 11,780 votes'... |
1.4790 |
0.02822 |
668 |
442 |
132 |
94 |
61 |
Do Trump again! |
1.4764 |
0.02841 |
657 |
436 |
129 |
92 |
62 |
Any campers stuck in my teeth? |
1.4764 |
0.02699 |
657 |
419 |
163 |
75 |
63 |
And then they put your bones on display for all to see. |
1.4760 |
0.02773 |
647 |
419 |
148 |
80 |
64 |
At night, they carry these. They are easy to spot. And, they are delicious. |
1.4752 |
0.02730 |
644 |
412 |
158 |
74 |
65 |
Does this face look extinct to you? |
1.4745 |
0.02712 |
647 |
413 |
161 |
73 |
66 |
Legend has it the meteor is still out there.... |
1.4725 |
0.02805 |
637 |
416 |
141 |
80 |
67 |
No more Marjorie Taylor Greene impressions. I didn't sleep at all last night. |
1.4725 |
0.03062 |
582 |
393 |
103 |
86 |
68 |
You should have asked the guy how to turn it off before you ate him. |
1.4712 |
0.02787 |
626 |
405 |
147 |
74 |
69 |
I learned the flashlight trick from a cub scout I ate. |
1.4707 |
0.02697 |
631 |
400 |
165 |
66 |
70 |
Either turn it off, or go floss. |
1.4694 |
0.02835 |
620 |
406 |
137 |
77 |
71 |
It was a dark and stormy triassic period... |
1.4693 |
0.02719 |
618 |
392 |
162 |
64 |
72 |
Christamighty, stop it, Griff. It makes you look like Trump. |
1.4664 |
0.03005 |
596 |
404 |
106 |
86 |
73 |
...so George slew him with his lance . In gratitude, the Catholic Church made him a saint and we've been Protestants ever since." |
1.4648 |
0.03066 |
583 |
399 |
97 |
87 |
74 |
This isn't going to be another meteor story, is it? |
1.4640 |
0.03065 |
528 |
348 |
115 |
65 |
75 |
And just like that we were all gone…! Except for Alligators |
1.4628 |
0.02732 |
592 |
375 |
160 |
57 |
76 |
Is there something in my teeth? |
1.4603 |
0.02933 |
554 |
362 |
129 |
63 |
77 |
Stop it! You look like some kind of monster! |
1.4599 |
0.02968 |
548 |
360 |
124 |
64 |
78 |
So the dinosaurs were wiped out but the dragons survived? |
1.4590 |
0.02595 |
536 |
320 |
186 |
30 |
79 |
Is that a true story, dad?"
"Ha ha! Of course not, son. There's no such thing as asteroids. |
1.4576 |
0.02969 |
542 |
356 |
124 |
62 |
80 |
I'm so glad we saw those hikers. We got dinner and a show. |
1.4567 |
0.03328 |
416 |
270 |
102 |
44 |
81 |
Does this light make my face look extinct? |
1.4549 |
0.03021 |
521 |
343 |
119 |
59 |
82 |
Then the humans burned our gooey remains in their cars. |
1.4537 |
0.02595 |
518 |
309 |
183 |
26 |
83 |
The only scary part of this story is wondering where you got the flashlight. |
1.4526 |
0.03074 |
517 |
345 |
110 |
62 |
84 |
And his bones were displayed in a museum! |
1.4524 |
0.03021 |
515 |
339 |
119 |
57 |
85 |
And the big, bad space rock came closer... and closer... |
1.4519 |
0.02917 |
509 |
326 |
136 |
47 |
86 |
I bet the 2-leggeds will claim to have discovered this too. |
1.4502 |
0.03091 |
502 |
334 |
110 |
58 |
87 |
And they all became... OIL! |
1.4498 |
0.03096 |
498 |
331 |
110 |
57 |
88 |
Is there any Boy Scout stuck in my teeth? |
1.4487 |
0.03074 |
497 |
329 |
113 |
55 |
89 |
...and then the dragon slayer said "remember me, my name is George Santos." |
1.4482 |
0.03229 |
502 |
346 |
87 |
69 |
90 |
Tell the one about the little girl who lives over the bed. |
1.4477 |
0.02919 |
411 |
248 |
142 |
21 |
91 |
Yeah, yeah, burning ball from the sky blah blah blah - say something scary! |
1.4477 |
0.03015 |
516 |
342 |
117 |
57 |
92 |
And all they found were his bones. |
1.4472 |
0.03125 |
483 |
321 |
108 |
54 |
93 |
So the meteor gets closer, and closer. |
1.4470 |
0.03037 |
481 |
313 |
121 |
47 |
94 |
Stupid story--no big rock can kill us all! |
1.4451 |
0.03055 |
492 |
325 |
115 |
52 |
95 |
They say Saint George still walks this forest. |
1.4449 |
0.03078 |
481 |
317 |
114 |
50 |
96 |
So what happened AFTER he announced he was running for president again in 2024? |
1.4433 |
0.03260 |
467 |
318 |
91 |
58 |
97 |
And then the terrified hiker screamed, "Here, take the damned flashlight!" |
1.4430 |
0.03065 |
465 |
303 |
118 |
44 |
98 |
... and the terrible monsters turned their victims into a gooey brown liquid to fuel their terrible machines. |
1.4413 |
0.03119 |
460 |
303 |
111 |
46 |
99 |
But the real killer was diabetes. |
1.4408 |
0.02965 |
456 |
290 |
131 |
35 |
100 |
And they'll dig up your bones and wire them together and put them on display. |
1.4400 |
0.03184 |
450 |
299 |
104 |
47 |
101 |
The itch kept getting worse, but his arms still couldn't reach it. |
1.4398 |
0.03071 |
457 |
298 |
117 |
42 |
102 |
Your Great Uncle Puff was last seen touring with The Grateful Dead in the early 90s. |
1.4395 |
0.03283 |
446 |
302 |
92 |
52 |
103 |
Yes, I see it I warned you to eat only Republicans. They have no fiber. |
1.4388 |
0.03386 |
449 |
312 |
77 |
60 |
104 |
Is that hiker still stuck in my teeth? |
1.4385 |
0.03199 |
447 |
298 |
102 |
47 |
105 |
And eventually, there were humans swarming everywhere |
1.4379 |
0.03188 |
443 |
294 |
104 |
45 |
106 |
You know what’s scary?
That you can work a flashlight. |
1.4378 |
0.03269 |
434 |
291 |
96 |
47 |
107 |
It was a dark and scary night in a land called Honalee… |
1.4374 |
0.03203 |
455 |
306 |
99 |
50 |
108 |
You didn’t have to eat them. They would have let you play with the flashlight if you just asked. |
1.4374 |
0.03257 |
439 |
295 |
96 |
48 |
109 |
He was Purple. And his name was Barney. |
1.4355 |
0.03348 |
434 |
297 |
85 |
52 |
110 |
Just turn it off your gonna attract Monthras |
1.4352 |
0.03246 |
432 |
289 |
98 |
45 |
111 |
And in millions of years you are turned into...OIL |
1.4352 |
0.03179 |
432 |
285 |
106 |
41 |
112 |
Do any of these stories end with us winning? |
1.4346 |
0.03217 |
428 |
284 |
102 |
42 |
113 |
Tell me, do I look like I'm extinct!? |
1.4333 |
0.03330 |
420 |
284 |
90 |
46 |
114 |
And then we all became extinct, without getting credit for discovering fire or inventing the flashlight. |
1.4323 |
0.03307 |
421 |
284 |
92 |
45 |
115 |
Where did you find batteries?" |
1.4313 |
0.03249 |
422 |
282 |
98 |
42 |
116 |
The scary part is when the little monkeys lose their hair and take over the world. |
1.4312 |
0.03408 |
429 |
298 |
77 |
54 |
117 |
Then the evil knight in shining armor slayed the poor dragon and escaped with the wicked princess. |
1.4300 |
0.03276 |
414 |
277 |
96 |
41 |
118 |
Forget it, Eddie, you'll never look like Godzilla. |
1.4300 |
0.03517 |
414 |
291 |
68 |
55 |
119 |
Do I have any Boy Scout in my teeth? |
1.4289 |
0.03292 |
408 |
273 |
95 |
40 |
120 |
Good try Dave but Tucker Carlson is still scarier. |
1.4282 |
0.03433 |
411 |
284 |
78 |
49 |
121 |
The phonecall is coming from inside your stomach! |
1.4279 |
0.03401 |
402 |
274 |
84 |
44 |
122 |
… and then the last human looked at me and said: I thought you didn’t exist! And I said: welcome to extinction, pal! |
1.4279 |
0.03613 |
402 |
286 |
60 |
56 |
123 |
…and then they forgot to cancel the free trial. |
1.4275 |
0.03310 |
414 |
280 |
91 |
43 |
124 |
... Then they took this old stuff out of the ground and burned it, and the planet got hot, and the water rose, and they became extinct.
The end |
1.4275 |
0.03458 |
407 |
282 |
76 |
49 |
125 |
It’s not scary and you’re wasting batteries. |
1.4267 |
0.03432 |
382 |
258 |
85 |
39 |
126 |
I call it "fire to go." |
1.4261 |
0.03418 |
399 |
273 |
82 |
44 |
127 |
You've still got camper stuck between your teeth. |
1.4253 |
0.03425 |
395 |
270 |
82 |
43 |
128 |
And then someone yelled,
“IT’S AN ASTEROID!” |
1.4249 |
0.03380 |
393 |
266 |
87 |
40 |
129 |
Yes, I see it now--I'll get the tweezers |
1.4247 |
0.03344 |
405 |
275 |
88 |
42 |
130 |
And then the humans searched for the dead dinosaurs’ bones, put them together like a puzzle, and displayed them for other humans’ ENJOYMENT! |
1.4242 |
0.03346 |
389 |
261 |
91 |
37 |
131 |
Quit trying to scare me with extinction stories! |
1.4236 |
0.03343 |
399 |
270 |
89 |
40 |
132 |
...And the birds were US the whole time! |
1.4231 |
0.03320 |
390 |
261 |
93 |
36 |
133 |
Long ago humans roamed the land. |
1.4223 |
0.03443 |
386 |
264 |
81 |
41 |
134 |
Do that one where Kari Lake hears she lost. |
1.4220 |
0.03634 |
391 |
279 |
59 |
53 |
135 |
You said to pack light.” |
1.4219 |
0.03534 |
384 |
267 |
72 |
45 |
136 |
You still have a piece of camper stuck between your teeth. |
1.4206 |
0.03455 |
378 |
258 |
81 |
39 |
137 |
So … do I look extinct now? |
1.4202 |
0.03385 |
376 |
253 |
88 |
35 |
138 |
Chicken... they tasted like chicken. |
1.4199 |
0.03514 |
381 |
264 |
74 |
43 |
139 |
Got it on Amazon, free delivery, and the
delivery person was delicious |
1.4198 |
0.03662 |
374 |
265 |
61 |
48 |
140 |
And an asteroid hit the earth and turned us all into petro-chemicals. The end. Hahahah, I got you! |
1.4198 |
0.03522 |
374 |
258 |
75 |
41 |
141 |
Stop it! It makes you look like Ted Cruz. |
1.4191 |
0.03430 |
408 |
285 |
75 |
48 |
142 |
Here's a trick to scare off predators at night. |
1.4182 |
0.03274 |
373 |
246 |
98 |
29 |
143 |
Then he said, "I'm a paleontologist." |
1.4181 |
0.03489 |
354 |
239 |
82 |
33 |
144 |
Then I told them I was going to run for a third time in 2024. |
1.4180 |
0.03612 |
378 |
267 |
64 |
47 |
145 |
See, from below, it makes even a face like mine look scary. |
1.4178 |
0.03501 |
371 |
255 |
77 |
39 |
146 |
And then we return as gas! |
1.4173 |
0.03408 |
369 |
249 |
86 |
34 |
147 |
Noah’s yacht party was today?! |
1.4169 |
0.03486 |
367 |
251 |
79 |
37 |
148 |
And then the foolish human walked right up to me and said 'nice Halloween costume!' |
1.4160 |
0.03491 |
363 |
248 |
79 |
36 |
149 |
Oooh, you scared me! I can't wait to get home under Billy's bed! |
1.4160 |
0.03599 |
363 |
253 |
69 |
41 |
150 |
And no one - I mean no one- had a plan to knock it off course! |
1.4134 |
0.03569 |
358 |
248 |
72 |
38 |
151 |
Don't know what's scarier, the flashlight trick or you starting this campfire with your breath. |
1.4129 |
0.03584 |
356 |
247 |
71 |
38 |
152 |
And when you do this they run away screaming! |
1.4118 |
0.03372 |
374 |
254 |
86 |
34 |
153 |
Any idea how they got the fire
inside this thing?" |
1.4114 |
0.03395 |
350 |
234 |
88 |
28 |
154 |
And after they turned him purple, they named him Barney! |
1.4103 |
0.03366 |
368 |
249 |
87 |
32 |
155 |
And then a giant ball of fire fell from the sky and BOO, everyone died. |
1.4099 |
0.03459 |
344 |
232 |
83 |
29 |
156 |
Relax, it's just a scary story! Like extinction could ever really happen! |
1.4095 |
0.03510 |
337 |
228 |
80 |
29 |
157 |
Do you see this face? It's not a happy one. You were supposed to bring the marshmallows. |
1.4094 |
0.03642 |
342 |
238 |
68 |
36 |
158 |
Does this make me look scary? |
1.4092 |
0.03510 |
347 |
237 |
78 |
32 |
159 |
When Fred didn't laugh at his jokes, Bob realized just how cold blooded his friend really was. |
1.4092 |
0.03446 |
369 |
254 |
79 |
36 |
160 |
Do I have anyone in my teeth? |
1.4092 |
0.03592 |
369 |
261 |
65 |
43 |
161 |
You know you can beathe fire, right? |
1.4083 |
0.03697 |
338 |
237 |
64 |
37 |
162 |
'"We might be scary and ugly now but in a million years, kids will love us." |
1.4078 |
0.03652 |
358 |
254 |
62 |
42 |
163 |
I camp out here to recharge my batteries.” |
1.4075 |
0.03835 |
346 |
251 |
49 |
46 |
164 |
But its just a theory though, right? |
1.4074 |
0.03193 |
378 |
251 |
100 |
27 |
165 |
Turn that off! We're gonna need those batteries when we reach Tokyo tomorrow night. |
1.4064 |
0.03616 |
342 |
238 |
69 |
35 |
166 |
So, my Mom the astronomer says we're in for a big surprise. |
1.4064 |
0.03640 |
342 |
239 |
67 |
36 |
167 |
Matt Gratz? Lauren Boebert? No - wait - I got it! Marjorie Taylor Greene!!! |
1.4054 |
0.03760 |
333 |
236 |
59 |
38 |
168 |
Not the one about the meteor again. |
1.4051 |
0.03555 |
353 |
246 |
71 |
36 |
169 |
Is there anyone in my teeth? |
1.4048 |
0.03473 |
331 |
223 |
82 |
26 |
170 |
The great fireball struck, then there was darkness… just kidding! |
1.4042 |
0.03628 |
334 |
232 |
69 |
33 |
171 |
And then they crawl up your leg and suck your blood. They’re called ‘ticks’. |
1.4042 |
0.03845 |
334 |
241 |
51 |
42 |
172 |
Look! I’m a lounge lizard! |
1.4036 |
0.03517 |
332 |
226 |
78 |
28 |
173 |
Oh no, not that meteorite story again. |
1.4034 |
0.03547 |
357 |
250 |
70 |
37 |
174 |
Finally, illumination without incineration. |
1.4031 |
0.03675 |
325 |
226 |
67 |
32 |
175 |
No, honestly, you're scarier in daylight. |
1.4029 |
0.03458 |
340 |
231 |
81 |
28 |
176 |
Enough with the giant stone that will fall from the sky and wipe us all out. Tell me something scary! |
1.4018 |
0.03398 |
326 |
217 |
87 |
22 |
177 |
Nope. You're still not scary. |
1.4012 |
0.03576 |
324 |
222 |
74 |
28 |
178 |
And then....BOO! Extinction! |
1.4011 |
0.03344 |
349 |
235 |
88 |
26 |
179 |
And to this day humans are credited with inventing fire. |
1.4006 |
0.03632 |
317 |
218 |
71 |
28 |
180 |
Nope still there. Let me get you some Dino-Floss. |
1.4006 |
0.03724 |
322 |
226 |
63 |
33 |
181 |
I did the monster mash. It was a campground smash. |
1.4006 |
0.03416 |
342 |
232 |
83 |
27 |
182 |
The child said "Mommy there is a monster in the closet" and the Mom said "No there isn't let me show you" She opens the door. Oh the look on her face was priceless. Thats why I do this work. |
1.4000 |
0.03792 |
320 |
227 |
58 |
35 |
183 |
And then the little boy crept up very quietly and pushed him into the tar pit... |
1.4000 |
0.03552 |
320 |
218 |
76 |
26 |
184 |
Cool it, Bill. Those batteries have to last for at least 66 million years. |
1.4000 |
0.04383 |
230 |
161 |
46 |
23 |
185 |
Using a flashlight instead of your phone? That’s prehistoric. |
1.3988 |
0.03704 |
321 |
225 |
64 |
32 |
186 |
Do I have any princess in my teeth? |
1.3987 |
0.03827 |
316 |
225 |
56 |
35 |
187 |
Calm down. We can just lay back and watch meteors. |
1.3968 |
0.03264 |
315 |
205 |
95 |
15 |
188 |
Scaredy cat! There's no such thing as meteors! |
1.3968 |
0.03617 |
315 |
217 |
71 |
27 |
189 |
Yes, you mentioned that you got your teeth whitened. |
1.3968 |
0.03727 |
315 |
221 |
63 |
31 |
190 |
You need a cell phone for a selfie, you idiot! |
1.3968 |
0.03853 |
310 |
221 |
55 |
34 |
191 |
And it all happened 25 million years ago, on a night…just…like…tonight… |
1.3961 |
0.03732 |
308 |
215 |
64 |
29 |
192 |
To be honest, under-lighting is really not flattering to your facial structure. |
1.3961 |
0.03646 |
308 |
212 |
70 |
26 |
193 |
If I let you use the flashlight, can we go hide under the bed before it's Timmy's bedtime? |
1.3941 |
0.03795 |
307 |
217 |
59 |
31 |
194 |
How about we reduce our carbon footprint and just go bump in the night. |
1.3940 |
0.03285 |
302 |
196 |
93 |
13 |
195 |
And then he digs your bones from the ground and puts you back together for everyone to see! |
1.3930 |
0.03516 |
341 |
238 |
72 |
31 |
196 |
Read my lips. There's no way we'll ever go extinct. |
1.3926 |
0.03759 |
298 |
208 |
63 |
27 |
197 |
Do I still have Boy Scout in my teeth? |
1.3913 |
0.03779 |
299 |
210 |
61 |
28 |
198 |
Come on, man, this story about climate change is a hoax.
Tell us the one about the asteroid! |
1.3912 |
0.03855 |
294 |
208 |
57 |
29 |
199 |
You do realize that you're speaking into a flashlight. |
1.3902 |
0.03828 |
287 |
201 |
60 |
26 |
200 |
Do I have any s’more stuck in my teeth? |
1.3902 |
0.03838 |
305 |
218 |
55 |
32 |
201 |
…and their entire economy will be fueled by our decomposing bones |
1.3902 |
0.03724 |
305 |
214 |
63 |
28 |
202 |
Please, no more people stories! |
1.3897 |
0.03861 |
290 |
205 |
57 |
28 |
203 |
It's just not scary since you had botox. |
1.3893 |
0.03903 |
298 |
214 |
52 |
32 |
204 |
I hate online dating and no, you still don't look like your picture! |
1.3891 |
0.03771 |
293 |
205 |
62 |
26 |
205 |
Don’t try to make a joke out of this. YOU forgot the marshmallows. |
1.3887 |
0.03577 |
301 |
206 |
73 |
22 |
206 |
And then there was ice everywhere! For ages! |
1.3875 |
0.03775 |
289 |
202 |
62 |
25 |
207 |
You really need to floss more often. |
1.3868 |
0.03825 |
287 |
202 |
59 |
26 |
208 |
And then they glued his skeleton back together and charged humans money to see him |
1.3864 |
0.03719 |
295 |
206 |
64 |
25 |
209 |
Any of that tent still stuck in my teeth? |
1.3859 |
0.03661 |
298 |
207 |
67 |
24 |
210 |
Have you ever heard the story of the hairless biped? |
1.3843 |
0.03713 |
281 |
194 |
66 |
21 |
211 |
Then the asteroid hit, and wiped out all the humans. |
1.3835 |
0.04030 |
279 |
202 |
47 |
30 |
212 |
Ummm…I don’t know. Are you “Barney”? Dammit Carl, I give up. |
1.3826 |
0.03897 |
298 |
216 |
50 |
32 |
213 |
Geez, do you have to tell the one about the asteroid again? |
1.3822 |
0.04785 |
191 |
137 |
35 |
19 |
214 |
Stop it! There is no such thing as monsters! |
1.3818 |
0.03905 |
275 |
195 |
55 |
25 |
215 |
But the asteroid was coming much closer to Earth than astronomers had projected! |
1.3818 |
0.03837 |
275 |
193 |
59 |
23 |
216 |
Do I look extinct to you? |
1.3810 |
0.03820 |
273 |
191 |
60 |
22 |
217 |
And they loved fossil fuels. |
1.3810 |
0.03820 |
273 |
191 |
60 |
22 |
218 |
These campfire stories would be scarier if we weren't at the top of the food chain |
1.3801 |
0.03739 |
292 |
206 |
61 |
25 |
219 |
My name is Larry, and my pronoun is 'it'. |
1.3801 |
0.04081 |
271 |
197 |
45 |
29 |
220 |
And the giant rock in the sky just kept getting bigger and bigger... |
1.3800 |
0.03875 |
300 |
218 |
50 |
32 |
221 |
And then they put your bones back together piece by piece to display for their little ones. |
1.3798 |
0.03912 |
287 |
207 |
51 |
29 |
222 |
...and when he turned around, he saw the meteor was right behind him! |
1.3787 |
0.03597 |
301 |
210 |
68 |
23 |
223 |
This is my 'come hither' look. |
1.3787 |
0.03756 |
272 |
189 |
63 |
20 |
224 |
It's a souvenir from the guy I had for lunch. |
1.3783 |
0.03878 |
267 |
188 |
57 |
22 |
225 |
Dad, what's an asteroid? |
1.3782 |
0.03867 |
275 |
195 |
56 |
24 |
226 |
But we're rechargeable, right?” |
1.3773 |
0.04218 |
273 |
204 |
35 |
34 |
227 |
And then they'll display our bones in museums! |
1.3772 |
0.03600 |
289 |
200 |
69 |
20 |
228 |
Now do a bunny. |
1.3769 |
0.03829 |
268 |
188 |
59 |
21 |
229 |
I'm not sure. It's either spinach or someone green that you ate. |
1.3769 |
0.03973 |
268 |
192 |
51 |
25 |
230 |
That's nothing. I saw a mammal yesterday! |
1.3768 |
0.03643 |
284 |
197 |
67 |
20 |
231 |
And then, they used us for fuel |
1.3764 |
0.03763 |
271 |
189 |
62 |
20 |
232 |
Do I have any people in my teeth? |
1.3763 |
0.04054 |
279 |
205 |
43 |
31 |
233 |
I don't know what it is, either, but the guy I got it from was delicious. |
1.3750 |
0.03755 |
264 |
183 |
63 |
18 |
234 |
And then he killed them in cold blood. Or warm blood? Frankly nobody’s sure. |
1.3741 |
0.03587 |
294 |
205 |
68 |
21 |
235 |
You scare me when you talk like that. Small rodents-like creatures evolving to replace us, no way! |
1.3741 |
0.03770 |
270 |
189 |
61 |
20 |
236 |
I've been carrying a torch for you for so long.” |
1.3741 |
0.04315 |
270 |
205 |
29 |
36 |
237 |
Do I have any brave knight in my teeth? |
1.3735 |
0.03940 |
257 |
182 |
54 |
21 |
238 |
And then all the dinosaurs were subjected to demeaning occupations by a human named Flintstone. |
1.3735 |
0.04017 |
257 |
184 |
50 |
23 |
239 |
Yes, you look scary. Stop being so insecure. |
1.3731 |
0.03869 |
260 |
183 |
57 |
20 |
240 |
I'd like to announce my 2024 presidential bid. |
1.3726 |
0.04164 |
263 |
194 |
40 |
29 |
241 |
The asteroid got bigger and bigger and BIGGER… |
1.3722 |
0.04024 |
266 |
193 |
47 |
26 |
242 |
And it turned out the call was coming from INSIDE THE CAVE! |
1.3716 |
0.03933 |
261 |
186 |
53 |
22 |
243 |
And I ate them happily ever after. |
1.3715 |
0.04021 |
253 |
181 |
50 |
22 |
244 |
And that’s what fossil fuels are! |
1.3713 |
0.03889 |
272 |
195 |
53 |
24 |
245 |
And then they elected him AGAIN!!! |
1.3712 |
0.04185 |
264 |
196 |
38 |
30 |
246 |
You're frightening me. You look like Majorie Taylor Greene! |
1.3711 |
0.04283 |
256 |
191 |
35 |
30 |
247 |
Trust me- 65 million years from now, they’ll still be saying “Boo!” |
1.3707 |
0.03915 |
259 |
184 |
54 |
21 |
248 |
CAREFUL: That's a knight light." |
1.3702 |
0.03883 |
262 |
186 |
55 |
21 |
249 |
Oh, will you evolve, already? |
1.3701 |
0.03889 |
254 |
179 |
56 |
19 |
250 |
So you remembered the flashlight but forgot the marshmallows? |
1.3695 |
0.04221 |
249 |
183 |
40 |
26 |
251 |
..and then, a giant meteorite hit earth and killed all the humans....ahhh.. |
1.3692 |
0.03883 |
279 |
202 |
51 |
26 |
252 |
Remind me to floss...... |
1.3690 |
0.03828 |
252 |
176 |
59 |
17 |
253 |
Anybody here from the Early Cretaceous Period? |
1.3686 |
0.03916 |
255 |
181 |
54 |
20 |
254 |
And then Donald Trump was elected again. |
1.3684 |
0.04283 |
247 |
183 |
37 |
27 |
255 |
Is there a camper stuck between my teeth? |
1.3678 |
0.03656 |
261 |
180 |
66 |
15 |
256 |
...and frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called Honah Lee... |
1.3673 |
0.04027 |
245 |
175 |
50 |
20 |
257 |
Stop it! Mom and Dad say Humans aren't real and can't mess up our planet through systemic pollution and climate change! |
1.3664 |
0.03989 |
262 |
190 |
48 |
24 |
258 |
Great, now I'm too scared to eat anybody else |
1.3658 |
0.03852 |
257 |
182 |
56 |
19 |
259 |
and then hundreds of little monsters called "cub scouts" rampaged through the forest... |
1.3655 |
0.04019 |
249 |
179 |
49 |
21 |
260 |
And it wasn't an asteroid, just a Chinese spy balloon. |
1.3651 |
0.04113 |
241 |
174 |
46 |
21 |
261 |
Please, not another asteroid story! |
1.3651 |
0.03942 |
241 |
170 |
54 |
17 |
262 |
Don’t scare me like that, Frank - I almost coughed up a camper! |
1.3651 |
0.03984 |
252 |
181 |
50 |
21 |
263 |
The whitening looks great but you ate the dentist”? |
1.3646 |
0.04446 |
192 |
136 |
42 |
14 |
264 |
Please, enough with your asteroid stories. They scare me |
1.3640 |
0.03951 |
228 |
159 |
55 |
14 |
265 |
See any signs of evolution? |
1.3640 |
0.04094 |
239 |
172 |
47 |
20 |
266 |
And then, the humans elected Trump. |
1.3640 |
0.04277 |
250 |
187 |
35 |
28 |
267 |
If you scare away the campers,we will not be able to eat them. |
1.3640 |
0.03842 |
250 |
176 |
57 |
17 |
268 |
You think the vanishing hitchhiker is scary? Wait till I tell you what happens to us. |
1.3636 |
0.04049 |
253 |
184 |
46 |
23 |
269 |
Nope. Not scarier. |
1.3633 |
0.03763 |
245 |
170 |
61 |
14 |
270 |
Here's one Uncle Rex taught me. |
1.3629 |
0.03819 |
248 |
174 |
58 |
16 |
271 |
...he had a nose, skin, hair, and worst of all: opposable thumbs. |
1.3629 |
0.04117 |
237 |
171 |
46 |
20 |
272 |
But asteroids aren’t real, are they? |
1.3629 |
0.04073 |
237 |
170 |
48 |
19 |
273 |
And then the stores ran out of toilet paper |
1.3625 |
0.04149 |
251 |
185 |
41 |
25 |
274 |
I got this off a guy who was hiding under my bed. |
1.3622 |
0.04074 |
254 |
186 |
44 |
24 |
275 |
Stop trying to scare me. Last night's asteroid story was bad enough. |
1.3621 |
0.04167 |
243 |
178 |
42 |
23 |
276 |
And then wars will be fought over your liquid bones! |
1.3621 |
0.04001 |
243 |
174 |
50 |
19 |
277 |
You are never more than three feet away from a spider, or a comet. |
1.3608 |
0.04173 |
255 |
190 |
38 |
27 |
278 |
It's just a story, there's no space rock that will kill us all! |
1.3603 |
0.03994 |
247 |
178 |
49 |
20 |
279 |
Oooh, I'm a meteorite headed for Earth! |
1.3590 |
0.04014 |
234 |
167 |
50 |
17 |
280 |
...and she awoke the next morning with FEATHERS. |
1.3590 |
0.04322 |
234 |
174 |
36 |
24 |
281 |
Just imagine when they find this with our fossils in a couple million years!! |
1.3581 |
0.04120 |
229 |
165 |
46 |
18 |
282 |
And the meteor got closer, and closer and then... |
1.3577 |
0.04084 |
246 |
180 |
44 |
22 |
283 |
It's not bad, but I still think it was more intimidating when we could breathe fire. |
1.3574 |
0.03954 |
235 |
167 |
52 |
16 |
284 |
…and they call that place the American Museum of Natural History |
1.3574 |
0.04045 |
235 |
169 |
48 |
18 |
285 |
..and he had a hand for a claw. |
1.3574 |
0.04110 |
263 |
197 |
38 |
28 |
286 |
....and then I ate Little Jackie Paper. |
1.3568 |
0.04191 |
227 |
165 |
43 |
19 |
287 |
How can we reflect on the past when there hasn't been one yet? |
1.3568 |
0.03902 |
227 |
159 |
55 |
13 |
288 |
I don’t actually know the end of the scary story because I was too hungry to let the camper finish. |
1.3562 |
0.04332 |
233 |
174 |
35 |
24 |
289 |
Then she said “ What big teeth you have Grandmother!” |
1.3562 |
0.03976 |
233 |
166 |
51 |
16 |
290 |
And then a meteor flew down from the sky and wiped out our entire species! And millions of years later the newest and most evolved species would live to reenact all of our ugliest and worst moments for their own entertainment. |
1.3560 |
0.03913 |
250 |
180 |
51 |
19 |
291 |
Implants or real? |
1.3556 |
0.04215 |
225 |
164 |
42 |
19 |
292 |
And if the meteor wasn't enough, the "humans" will put our bones on display and claim they invented fire. |
1.3556 |
0.04168 |
225 |
163 |
44 |
18 |
293 |
And then we went extinct! |
1.3554 |
0.03872 |
242 |
172 |
54 |
16 |
294 |
Stop that! It makes you look like a human. |
1.3550 |
0.03902 |
231 |
163 |
54 |
14 |
295 |
Look... Now I'm even scarier |
1.3544 |
0.04061 |
237 |
172 |
46 |
19 |
296 |
Now that I‘ve invented fire I can get rid of this stupid flashlight. |
1.3544 |
0.04275 |
237 |
177 |
36 |
24 |
297 |
Hey, stop playing with that thing! It's worth a lot since humans have become extinct. |
1.3544 |
0.04275 |
237 |
177 |
36 |
24 |
298 |
I found this with my last meal. |
1.3543 |
0.04192 |
223 |
162 |
43 |
18 |
299 |
And then this big rock started to fall out of the sky |
1.3540 |
0.04152 |
226 |
164 |
44 |
18 |
300 |
So you figured out a portal to the future and brought back a light. I must be high. |
1.3537 |
0.04114 |
229 |
166 |
45 |
18 |
301 |
Did I get some of him stuck in my teeth? |
1.3516 |
0.04242 |
219 |
160 |
41 |
18 |
302 |
And in 200 million years your bones will be reassembled incorrectly and displayed in the mammal museums. |
1.3516 |
0.04292 |
219 |
161 |
39 |
19 |
303 |
Gee, Pops, did he ever concede the election? |
1.3514 |
0.04297 |
222 |
164 |
38 |
20 |
304 |
And the giant asteroid got closer and closer. . . |
1.3511 |
0.04113 |
225 |
163 |
45 |
17 |
305 |
Now that I’ve invented fire, I’m going to run for Congress. |
1.3511 |
0.04255 |
225 |
166 |
39 |
20 |
306 |
Not only do they taste good...they have cool gadgets. |
1.3498 |
0.04038 |
223 |
160 |
48 |
15 |
307 |
It had hair growing out of its head... and was warm-blooded! |
1.3488 |
0.04294 |
215 |
158 |
39 |
18 |
308 |
I'll show you scary. I forgot the marshmallows. |
1.3484 |
0.04259 |
221 |
163 |
39 |
19 |
309 |
"And then he decided to run for President again." |
1.3478 |
0.04228 |
230 |
171 |
38 |
21 |
310 |
Then a meteor comes and all of our grandchildren become birds. |
1.3472 |
0.04123 |
216 |
156 |
45 |
15 |
311 |
But asteroids aren't real,right? |
1.3472 |
0.04071 |
216 |
155 |
47 |
14 |
312 |
And then they built an entire civilization based on a non-renewable resource made from our bones |
1.3472 |
0.04277 |
216 |
159 |
39 |
18 |
313 |
And then one day the new two-legged animals discover fossil fuels!! |
1.3465 |
0.03971 |
228 |
164 |
49 |
15 |
314 |
And just then, a big burning ball of fire hurtled toward the earth. |
1.3463 |
0.04257 |
231 |
173 |
36 |
22 |
315 |
Have you ever heard the one about the meteor from outer space? |
1.3453 |
0.04226 |
223 |
165 |
39 |
19 |
316 |
I don't think that's how you take a selfie. |
1.3448 |
0.04107 |
232 |
171 |
42 |
19 |
317 |
Film, two words |
1.3445 |
0.04479 |
209 |
157 |
32 |
20 |
318 |
We all die, and then the little furry mammals take over! |
1.3445 |
0.04159 |
209 |
151 |
44 |
14 |
319 |
That's great and all, Steve, but we can breathe fire. |
1.3444 |
0.04682 |
180 |
133 |
32 |
15 |
320 |
The comet one's scarier. |
1.3443 |
0.03952 |
212 |
150 |
51 |
11 |
321 |
The Dawn Of The Dad Joke |
1.3442 |
0.04131 |
215 |
156 |
44 |
15 |
322 |
It was a dark and stormy Late Cretaceous Epoch... |
1.3440 |
0.04092 |
218 |
158 |
45 |
15 |
323 |
Wow! When you hold the flashlight like that you look just like a monster. |
1.3429 |
0.04357 |
210 |
156 |
36 |
18 |
324 |
And during dodge ball they laughed at Rex and called him tiny arms'. |
1.3426 |
0.04219 |
216 |
159 |
40 |
17 |
325 |
That’s not on my Paleo diet |
1.3423 |
0.04038 |
222 |
161 |
46 |
15 |
326 |
this is my museum pose |
1.3420 |
0.04161 |
231 |
172 |
39 |
20 |
327 |
And then he said: "The call is coming from inside the cave!!!" |
1.3415 |
0.04152 |
205 |
148 |
44 |
13 |
328 |
What’s scary about it to me is how much all your future orthodontic work is going to cost us |
1.3411 |
0.04244 |
214 |
158 |
39 |
17 |
329 |
I still say breathing real fire is scarier. |
1.3411 |
0.04396 |
214 |
161 |
33 |
20 |
330 |
And that’s when puberty hit me like an asteroid |
1.3408 |
0.04122 |
223 |
164 |
42 |
17 |
331 |
And then? They were EXTINCT! Boo ha ha ha ha! |
1.3405 |
0.04190 |
232 |
174 |
37 |
21 |
332 |
And then he realized that the little human boy was RIGHT UNDER THE BED! |
1.3399 |
0.04292 |
203 |
149 |
39 |
15 |
333 |
And when he looked on top of the bed, there was a little kid under the sheets! |
1.3398 |
0.04412 |
206 |
154 |
34 |
18 |
334 |
That makes the scales on the back of my back stand up… |
1.3396 |
0.04270 |
212 |
157 |
38 |
17 |
335 |
…and if you listen carefully, you can still hear him to this day… singing “I love you…you love me…” |
1.3396 |
0.04373 |
212 |
159 |
34 |
19 |
336 |
He froze as he entered the museum. It was his mom and dad, but only their skeletons. |
1.3396 |
0.04217 |
212 |
156 |
40 |
16 |
337 |
How many times do I have to tell you "Yes, you're scary!" |
1.3392 |
0.04019 |
227 |
166 |
45 |
16 |
338 |
Let's roast s'more campers. |
1.3391 |
0.03947 |
233 |
170 |
47 |
16 |
339 |
One day a small two-legged creature will rule and ruin the earth |
1.3391 |
0.04130 |
233 |
174 |
39 |
20 |
340 |
It was a dark and stormy night. An asteroid appeared in the sky. |
1.3388 |
0.03942 |
245 |
181 |
45 |
19 |
341 |
You'd look just like Tucker Carlson if you had a bow tie! |
1.3382 |
0.04551 |
207 |
158 |
28 |
21 |
342 |
Are you ever going to evolve? |
1.3381 |
0.04452 |
210 |
159 |
31 |
20 |
343 |
And then they put us in gas tanks. |
1.3381 |
0.04242 |
210 |
155 |
39 |
16 |
344 |
Ok, yes….you look like a monster. |
1.3380 |
0.03928 |
213 |
152 |
50 |
11 |
345 |
These disgusting creatures don't even use eggs. They grow their brood inside. Inside their bodies!
Mamal mia! |
1.3380 |
0.04253 |
213 |
158 |
38 |
17 |
346 |
Let me tell you why I think global freezing is a myth. |
1.3379 |
0.03910 |
219 |
157 |
50 |
12 |
347 |
Nice try, Eugene, but humans are a lot scarier. |
1.3377 |
0.04062 |
231 |
171 |
42 |
18 |
348 |
OK, now can I breathe on the s'mores? |
1.3367 |
0.04462 |
199 |
149 |
33 |
17 |
349 |
.....and then they all disappeared!!" |
1.3365 |
0.03928 |
208 |
148 |
50 |
10 |
350 |
And all of the sudden, there was a loud BOOM! |
1.3365 |
0.04268 |
208 |
154 |
38 |
16 |
351 |
...And then they switched to renewables, but it was TOO LATE! |
1.3364 |
0.04103 |
220 |
162 |
42 |
16 |
352 |
What big teeth you have, Gramma. |
1.3362 |
0.03941 |
229 |
167 |
47 |
15 |
353 |
Oh Jim! Did you eat the last Boy Scout!??! |
1.3350 |
0.04254 |
197 |
144 |
40 |
13 |
354 |
You we’re scarier when I couldn’t see you. |
1.3350 |
0.04210 |
200 |
146 |
41 |
13 |
355 |
And when she got out of the car, hanging from the door handle… was a velociraptor claw! |
1.3350 |
0.04183 |
206 |
151 |
41 |
14 |
356 |
And THAT'S how much college will cost in 46 million years! |
1.3349 |
0.04029 |
209 |
151 |
46 |
12 |
357 |
That's weird Bob, it DOES make you look less scary. |
1.3349 |
0.04167 |
215 |
159 |
40 |
16 |
358 |
Do you realize how hard it is to change batteries without thumbs? |
1.3333 |
0.04219 |
195 |
142 |
41 |
12 |
359 |
Yeah, you heard right, the kid literally thought he could tame me. |
1.3333 |
0.03747 |
228 |
163 |
54 |
11 |
360 |
Who said short arms are useless? |
1.3333 |
0.03861 |
192 |
134 |
52 |
6 |
361 |
And then the huge asteroid came and killed all the scary, mean humans and we lived happily ever after. |
1.3333 |
0.04170 |
222 |
166 |
38 |
18 |
362 |
Suddenly, a big, hairy hand reached under the bed. |
1.3333 |
0.03975 |
213 |
154 |
47 |
12 |
363 |
…and to this day that adorable little girl and her killer puppy live in these very woods! |
1.3333 |
0.04236 |
198 |
145 |
40 |
13 |
364 |
Marjorie Taylor-Greene? Wait! George Santos! |
1.3333 |
0.04641 |
198 |
152 |
26 |
20 |
365 |
Your going to give me knightmares. |
1.3333 |
0.04045 |
216 |
158 |
44 |
14 |
366 |
If you think this is scary, wait till I tell you what I saw coming at us through my telescope last night! |
1.3318 |
0.04095 |
220 |
163 |
41 |
16 |
367 |
And millions of years from now, what's left of you will power a Toyota Camry for about 2.1 highway miles. |
1.3318 |
0.04374 |
211 |
160 |
32 |
19 |
368 |
If he only knew how ridiculous he looks," she thought. "First dates suck. |
1.3317 |
0.04204 |
208 |
154 |
39 |
15 |
369 |
Oh relax,the two-legged hairless ape is just a myth. |
1.3316 |
0.04245 |
193 |
141 |
40 |
12 |
370 |
If anything, you look less scary. |
1.3304 |
0.03940 |
224 |
164 |
46 |
14 |
371 |
And the meteor grew closer, and closer... |
1.3303 |
0.04028 |
221 |
163 |
43 |
15 |
372 |
I look hot! right? |
1.3303 |
0.03977 |
221 |
162 |
45 |
14 |
373 |
Some say humans still roam these woods. |
1.3302 |
0.04037 |
212 |
155 |
44 |
13 |
374 |
Please Marvin, its hard enough to look at you in the dark. |
1.3302 |
0.04356 |
212 |
161 |
32 |
19 |
375 |
The meteor headed closer and closer... |
1.3300 |
0.04433 |
200 |
151 |
32 |
17 |
376 |
And then a giant meteor hit the earth and wiped out all the humans except for the few we devoured very soon thereafter. |
1.3299 |
0.04289 |
194 |
143 |
38 |
13 |
377 |
Stop it dad, you know that Jimmy Fallon face really freaks me out! |
1.3299 |
0.04351 |
194 |
144 |
36 |
14 |
378 |
You’ve got a face for radio. |
1.3298 |
0.04399 |
191 |
142 |
35 |
14 |
379 |
The children laughed and sang and roasted marshmallows… then went to sleep, UNAFRAID! |
1.3298 |
0.04116 |
188 |
135 |
44 |
9 |
380 |
There is no future in being cold blooded. |
1.3298 |
0.04384 |
188 |
139 |
36 |
13 |
381 |
You really should have had braces. |
1.3298 |
0.04318 |
188 |
138 |
38 |
12 |
382 |
...and to this day, if you listen carefully on the wind, you can still hear the echoes of the creature screaming, 'Not imaginary?!' |
1.3297 |
0.04298 |
185 |
135 |
39 |
11 |
383 |
Meh, still not scary. |
1.3287 |
0.03983 |
216 |
158 |
45 |
13 |
384 |
Again,there is no cilantro in your teeth. |
1.3284 |
0.04368 |
204 |
154 |
33 |
17 |
385 |
I saw the boy scouts we ate do this. |
1.3284 |
0.04140 |
204 |
150 |
41 |
13 |
386 |
His human friends called him George, and he was no saint. |
1.3281 |
0.04317 |
192 |
142 |
37 |
13 |
387 |
Don't you just know some Neanderthal is going to come along and take credit for discovering fire and light" |
1.3280 |
0.04615 |
189 |
144 |
28 |
17 |
388 |
….and after the meteor, the mammals took over. |
1.3280 |
0.04428 |
189 |
141 |
34 |
14 |
389 |
I love the way it lights up my smile. |
1.3280 |
0.04364 |
189 |
140 |
36 |
13 |
390 |
I give up. Are you a dinosaur or a dragon? |
1.3280 |
0.04553 |
189 |
143 |
30 |
16 |
391 |
You know what's really scary, global climate change deniers." |
1.3280 |
0.04346 |
186 |
137 |
37 |
12 |
392 |
Then the hideous monster with the long hair sprouting from its head stood up on its two legs and began to…. |
1.3280 |
0.04478 |
186 |
139 |
33 |
14 |
393 |
It’s a souvenir from that Jurassic Park scientist I ate. |
1.3280 |
0.04730 |
186 |
143 |
25 |
18 |
394 |
And then this hairless, scaleless creature said, “go ahead. Look under the bed” |
1.3273 |
0.04236 |
220 |
167 |
34 |
19 |
395 |
We’ve got to go electric or we could cause the end of an era. |
1.3269 |
0.04250 |
208 |
156 |
36 |
16 |
396 |
And that's supposed to be your scary face? |
1.3269 |
0.04083 |
208 |
153 |
42 |
13 |
397 |
And then this giant fireball from the sky
comes down and makes it cloudy and chilly and...poof...no more summer camp for you!" |
1.3267 |
0.04282 |
202 |
151 |
36 |
15 |
398 |
Did that caveman get stuck in my teeth? |
1.3266 |
0.04086 |
199 |
145 |
43 |
11 |
399 |
… then he said, “I thought you all were dead!”, dropped this, and ran away! |
1.3262 |
0.04259 |
187 |
137 |
39 |
11 |
400 |
…and that’s how the humans became extinct. |
1.3262 |
0.04392 |
187 |
139 |
35 |
13 |
401 |
Not the silly story about the asteroid. I want something believable |
1.3262 |
0.04326 |
187 |
138 |
37 |
12 |
402 |
And that's supposed to scare me? I was in a tiny elevator with Rudy Giulani the other day. |
1.3262 |
0.04647 |
187 |
143 |
27 |
17 |
403 |
Did the white strips work? |
1.3262 |
0.04521 |
187 |
141 |
31 |
15 |
404 |
When you hold the flashlight like this you can make yourself look scary. |
1.3261 |
0.04306 |
184 |
135 |
38 |
11 |
405 |
Hey Marty, how scary is this? |
1.3259 |
0.04178 |
224 |
170 |
35 |
19 |
406 |
And they say that even today, St. George wanders these woods with his bloody sword, looking for the dragon that dared to abduct his beloved damsel. |
1.3256 |
0.04452 |
215 |
167 |
26 |
22 |
407 |
Makes me look scary..right? |
1.3251 |
0.04206 |
203 |
151 |
38 |
14 |
408 |
It's Johnny! |
1.3250 |
0.04068 |
200 |
146 |
43 |
11 |
409 |
And then he said he was running for office again. |
1.3247 |
0.04402 |
194 |
146 |
33 |
15 |
410 |
He was scaring little kids like this, I ate him and took it. |
1.3246 |
0.04388 |
191 |
143 |
34 |
14 |
411 |
Supposedly, there is a energized bunny in here |
1.3246 |
0.03924 |
191 |
136 |
48 |
7 |
412 |
Then grandpa Godzilla walked straight into the power lines and his face looked like this |
1.3246 |
0.04195 |
191 |
140 |
40 |
11 |
413 |
And then we were gone, completely extinct. Museums displayed some of our bones and the scrawny little apes made tiny plastic toys of us for their children to play with. |
1.3245 |
0.04240 |
188 |
138 |
39 |
11 |
414 |
Probably not a good time to bring this up, but I have been seeing another Godzilla. |
1.3245 |
0.04625 |
188 |
144 |
27 |
17 |
415 |
Slowly, slowly, the asteroid crept toward the earth. |
1.3243 |
0.04552 |
185 |
140 |
30 |
15 |
416 |
Here's a little trick I picked up from Troop 155. |
1.3242 |
0.03989 |
219 |
162 |
43 |
14 |
417 |
...and then the knight, riding a speeding horse, came charging down the hill waving a sharp sword, aimed right for the poor baby dragon's neck. |
1.3237 |
0.04089 |
207 |
153 |
41 |
13 |
418 |
And off in the distance they saw a large fiery ball growing larger and larger until… |
1.3235 |
0.04188 |
204 |
152 |
38 |
14 |
419 |
I don’t get it. You can light a fire, you’re entertaining, got your own cave but you’ve never been married? |
1.3234 |
0.04112 |
201 |
148 |
41 |
12 |
420 |
But can your fire do this? |
1.3228 |
0.04417 |
189 |
142 |
33 |
14 |
421 |
They were nice and sang and toasted little white things. They were called g-i-r-l s-c-o-u-t-s. |
1.3226 |
0.04334 |
186 |
138 |
36 |
12 |
422 |
And they say, the Headless Knight is still hunting dragons to this very day. |
1.3224 |
0.04172 |
183 |
133 |
41 |
9 |
423 |
And then one night, little Jackie Paper came no more! |
1.3218 |
0.04441 |
202 |
155 |
29 |
18 |
424 |
Not the one about the asteroid again... |
1.3218 |
0.04272 |
202 |
152 |
35 |
15 |
425 |
...and the meteor was coming from inside the house! |
1.3216 |
0.04433 |
199 |
152 |
30 |
17 |
426 |
6 months of Invisalign right here |
1.3211 |
0.04460 |
190 |
144 |
31 |
15 |
427 |
Can you believe Spielberg said I was too ugly? |
1.3209 |
0.04315 |
187 |
139 |
36 |
12 |
428 |
Can you still see the bags under my eyes? |
1.3209 |
0.04179 |
187 |
137 |
40 |
10 |
429 |
Truth or scare? |
1.3207 |
0.04081 |
184 |
133 |
43 |
8 |
430 |
Stop it! You look like a human. |
1.3204 |
0.04616 |
181 |
138 |
28 |
15 |
431 |
No dad, do a scary face! |
1.3204 |
0.04096 |
206 |
153 |
40 |
13 |
432 |
And then the voice said, ‘I want my marshmallows back’” |
1.3202 |
0.04603 |
178 |
135 |
29 |
14 |
433 |
This is so cool. The only thing that could mess this up is an asteroid, and that’s never going to happen. |
1.3194 |
0.04117 |
191 |
140 |
41 |
10 |
434 |
This is what he was doing just before I ate him! |
1.3192 |
0.04056 |
213 |
159 |
40 |
14 |
435 |
Here's how it goes: you hide, and wait for the adult to do this. Then all the children scream. THEN you jump out and eat them. |
1.3191 |
0.04614 |
188 |
145 |
26 |
17 |
436 |
and they made him into.... DINO NUGGETS! |
1.3191 |
0.04295 |
188 |
140 |
36 |
12 |
437 |
It creeps me out when you put on your politician smile. |
1.3189 |
0.04605 |
185 |
142 |
27 |
16 |
438 |
And having these straightened cost me ten thousand bucks. |
1.3189 |
0.04274 |
185 |
137 |
37 |
11 |
439 |
And then... he becomes president! |
1.3187 |
0.04594 |
182 |
139 |
28 |
15 |
440 |
Yeah, they were delicious and they have great toys! |
1.3184 |
0.04441 |
179 |
134 |
33 |
12 |
441 |
...and thus we are the remaining survivors, doomed to appear in B-rated movies and theme parks. |
1.3184 |
0.04394 |
201 |
154 |
30 |
17 |
442 |
You have a small piece of Neanderthal stuck between your teeth. |
1.3182 |
0.04143 |
198 |
147 |
39 |
12 |
443 |
I think I have someone stuck in my teeth. |
1.3182 |
0.04346 |
176 |
130 |
36 |
10 |
444 |
Ok, you have convinced me...
With that smile and those ideas, you COULD make it in American Politics." |
1.3182 |
0.04705 |
176 |
135 |
26 |
15 |
445 |
It was a light and clear day… |
1.3179 |
0.04371 |
195 |
148 |
32 |
15 |
446 |
Is it still in my teeth? |
1.3179 |
0.04620 |
173 |
131 |
29 |
13 |
447 |
and all the little T-Rexes died, and they turned into gasoline |
1.3177 |
0.04165 |
192 |
142 |
39 |
11 |
448 |
...and they were worried about bears... |
1.3169 |
0.04506 |
183 |
139 |
30 |
14 |
449 |
I can pretend to be scared, or, you could just stop doing that. |
1.3169 |
0.04370 |
183 |
137 |
34 |
12 |
450 |
It’s scary ‘cause it’s true ! |
1.3167 |
0.04490 |
180 |
136 |
31 |
13 |
451 |
I see extinct people. |
1.3163 |
0.04352 |
196 |
149 |
32 |
15 |
452 |
...and then he said, "Yes the planet got destroyed. But for a beautiful moment in time we created a lot of value for shareholders.". |
1.3158 |
0.04799 |
171 |
132 |
24 |
15 |
453 |
Further evidence that we are doomed as a species. |
1.3152 |
0.04485 |
184 |
140 |
30 |
14 |
454 |
Would you like to taste some of my Tea,Rex? |
1.3152 |
0.04550 |
184 |
141 |
28 |
15 |
455 |
And then.. they evolved! |
1.3152 |
0.04485 |
184 |
140 |
30 |
14 |
456 |
And then, I crushed Tokyo! |
1.3152 |
0.04140 |
184 |
135 |
40 |
9 |
457 |
Brushing AND flossing, Hank! |
1.3152 |
0.04281 |
184 |
137 |
36 |
11 |
458 |
And in the future they will use our decomposing bodies to power their machines, and heat heat their homes! |
1.3152 |
0.04485 |
184 |
140 |
30 |
14 |
459 |
Do I have someone in my teeth? |
1.3149 |
0.04257 |
181 |
134 |
37 |
10 |
460 |
Do I have s’mores in my teeth? |
1.3149 |
0.04537 |
181 |
138 |
29 |
14 |
461 |
…and then an asteroid hits and brings on an Ice Age. End of scary stories and time for bed. |
1.3136 |
0.04687 |
169 |
129 |
27 |
13 |
462 |
Then BOOM we all died! |
1.3136 |
0.04835 |
169 |
131 |
23 |
15 |
463 |
….and he’s purple…and his name is Barney |
1.3136 |
0.04687 |
169 |
129 |
27 |
13 |
464 |
And then juvenile mammals will come to look at your bones…Forever! |
1.3135 |
0.04397 |
185 |
140 |
32 |
13 |
465 |
But it wasn't a new moon, it was an asteroid! |
1.3132 |
0.04378 |
182 |
137 |
33 |
12 |
466 |
I'll be here all millennium. |
1.3128 |
0.04428 |
179 |
135 |
32 |
12 |
467 |
Wow! These batteries have lasted like forever. |
1.3128 |
0.04538 |
195 |
152 |
25 |
18 |
468 |
Then he realized - the call was coming from inside his stomach! |
1.3125 |
0.04590 |
192 |
150 |
24 |
18 |
469 |
All because of one stupid meteor? |
1.3122 |
0.04092 |
205 |
154 |
38 |
13 |
470 |
Wow! Fire and a flashlight! This is going to drive the palaeontologists crazy! |
1.3119 |
0.04476 |
202 |
158 |
25 |
19 |
471 |
So did you eat him before or after you took the flashlight? |
1.3118 |
0.04434 |
170 |
127 |
33 |
10 |
472 |
The whitener changes everything. |
1.3118 |
0.04663 |
170 |
130 |
27 |
13 |
473 |
Honestly? Scarier without. |
1.3115 |
0.04073 |
183 |
134 |
41 |
8 |
474 |
I liked the one about the asteroid better. |
1.3115 |
0.04288 |
183 |
137 |
35 |
11 |
475 |
And then...they all lost their scales and became...birds. |
1.3111 |
0.04264 |
180 |
134 |
36 |
10 |
476 |
But the treasure room was empty, for the horde of coins was all crypto currency, and never real to begin with! |
1.3111 |
0.04407 |
180 |
136 |
32 |
12 |
477 |
And the huge asteroid came hurtling down and killed everybody! |
1.3111 |
0.04264 |
180 |
134 |
36 |
10 |
478 |
Attached to every light is a delicious grain fed human. |
1.3111 |
0.04875 |
180 |
143 |
18 |
19 |
479 |
It's called a hot flash. |
1.3111 |
0.04407 |
180 |
136 |
32 |
12 |
480 |
And she said: "Grandma, what big teeth you have!" |
1.3107 |
0.04458 |
177 |
134 |
31 |
12 |
481 |
But the 'weather balloon' was..an...ASTEROID! |
1.3107 |
0.04385 |
177 |
133 |
33 |
11 |
482 |
On a dark and stormy night, an asteroid the size of a titanosaurus turd hurling toward its fateful destiny with Earth… |
1.3103 |
0.04655 |
174 |
134 |
26 |
14 |
483 |
I miss the old days when we just breathed fire. |
1.3103 |
0.04206 |
174 |
128 |
38 |
8 |
484 |
And then Donald Trump was re-elected! |
1.3103 |
0.04584 |
174 |
133 |
28 |
13 |
485 |
Then one night it happened, Jackie Paper came no more.... |
1.3102 |
0.04486 |
187 |
144 |
28 |
15 |
486 |
Don't do that. You look like a member of congress. |
1.3102 |
0.04613 |
187 |
146 |
24 |
17 |
487 |
...A
...and then he said. “We’re the lucky ones. Asteroids never hit the same planet twice.” |
1.3102 |
0.04222 |
187 |
140 |
36 |
11 |
488 |
and it had really long arms |
1.3099 |
0.04857 |
171 |
134 |
21 |
16 |
489 |
Frankly not any scarier |
1.3098 |
0.04268 |
184 |
138 |
35 |
11 |
490 |
Read my lips! Next winter in Florida! |
1.3098 |
0.04198 |
184 |
137 |
37 |
10 |
491 |
So, have you heard all this global warming nonsense? I figure it's about as likely as getting hit by a meteor. |
1.3095 |
0.04301 |
168 |
124 |
36 |
8 |
492 |
Your choice—scary stories or sing-along? |
1.3091 |
0.04435 |
165 |
123 |
33 |
9 |
493 |
Woooooooh! I'm veeeeegaaaaan. |
1.3091 |
0.06023 |
110 |
86 |
14 |
10 |
494 |
Do I look scary now? |
1.3090 |
0.04364 |
178 |
134 |
33 |
11 |
495 |
You know your scary face looks a lot like your regular face. |
1.3088 |
0.04156 |
204 |
155 |
35 |
14 |
496 |
And then... a SCARY ROCK FELL FROM THE SKY! |
1.3086 |
0.04263 |
175 |
130 |
36 |
9 |
497 |
…and the comet came closer, and closer, and CLOSER!!! |
1.3085 |
0.04591 |
188 |
147 |
24 |
17 |
498 |
Stop it with the scary stories Carl… we all know humans aren’t real. |
1.3085 |
0.04466 |
188 |
145 |
28 |
15 |
499 |
And…. then the fleshy humans took over and destroyed themselves AND the planet! |
1.3085 |
0.04466 |
188 |
145 |
28 |
15 |
500 |
And boom! A meteor wiped us out. |
1.3081 |
0.04389 |
172 |
129 |
33 |
10 |
501 |
And now for my rendition of 'John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt.'" |
1.3081 |
0.04182 |
198 |
150 |
35 |
13 |
502 |
Lose the grin. |
1.3077 |
0.04112 |
169 |
123 |
40 |
6 |
503 |
If you're so smart, which one of these three things will extinguish first ? |
1.3073 |
0.04074 |
192 |
143 |
39 |
10 |
504 |
This is a nice fire those campers made. I wonder what scared them away? |
1.3071 |
0.05535 |
127 |
99 |
17 |
11 |
505 |
... and everybody became oil and dildos and breast implants.... |
1.3067 |
0.04632 |
163 |
124 |
28 |
11 |
506 |
And then there was...another balloon! |
1.3067 |
0.04632 |
163 |
124 |
28 |
11 |
507 |
And they drilled the rods through Timmy’s skull and bolted them to his thorax for docents to point at. |
1.3065 |
0.04514 |
199 |
157 |
23 |
19 |
508 |
...and then, this big meteor fell from the sky... |
1.3062 |
0.04691 |
160 |
122 |
27 |
11 |
509 |
Tell me the asteroid strory again. |
1.3062 |
0.04691 |
160 |
122 |
27 |
11 |
510 |
Imagine a world where we’re extinct… |
1.3060 |
0.04344 |
183 |
139 |
32 |
12 |
511 |
You jump up, turn it on and they all run away |
1.3060 |
0.04059 |
183 |
135 |
40 |
8 |
512 |
Uncle G, tell me the one about your trip to Japan again? |
1.3059 |
0.04723 |
170 |
132 |
24 |
14 |
513 |
...and then there was this great light in the sky, coming closer...and closer... |
1.3054 |
0.04551 |
167 |
127 |
29 |
11 |
514 |
It was a dark and stormy night. The wedding bells had rung. The small hotel was cozy. And then I took off my makeup. |
1.3054 |
0.04471 |
167 |
126 |
31 |
10 |
515 |
That is scary! When was the last time you saw a dentist? |
1.3049 |
0.04608 |
164 |
125 |
28 |
11 |
516 |
And then the humans went extinct and there was nothing to eat! |
1.3046 |
0.04422 |
174 |
132 |
31 |
11 |
517 |
Scary! For a second you looked like a human |
1.3043 |
0.04497 |
161 |
121 |
31 |
9 |
518 |
…and an idiot will become the leader of the free world. |
1.3043 |
0.04392 |
184 |
141 |
30 |
13 |
519 |
Everything else was edible. |
1.3043 |
0.04113 |
184 |
137 |
38 |
9 |
520 |
Jeez Bob. Real Scary. It’s never enough with you is it? |
1.3038 |
0.04279 |
158 |
116 |
36 |
6 |
521 |
Then one day it happened, Jackie Paper came no more! |
1.3036 |
0.04758 |
168 |
131 |
23 |
14 |
522 |
...she fumbled for the flashlight as the door creaked open. It was him. The asteroid. |
1.3034 |
0.04202 |
178 |
133 |
36 |
9 |
523 |
I just don't buy it, the likelihood of a asteroid hitting the planet is infinitesimal, it just doesn't scare me. |
1.3034 |
0.04202 |
178 |
133 |
36 |
9 |
524 |
And then the humans discovered petroleum, and it was us! |
1.3034 |
0.04350 |
178 |
135 |
32 |
11 |
525 |
It was a dark and scaly night… |
1.3034 |
0.04350 |
178 |
135 |
32 |
11 |
526 |
Biiiirds, hee hee hee", cackled the wicked witch. "I'll evolve all of you into little birds. |
1.3032 |
0.04517 |
188 |
147 |
25 |
16 |
527 |
And they lived happily ever after. In my belly. |
1.3032 |
0.04257 |
188 |
143 |
33 |
12 |
528 |
And the meteor got closer... and closer... |
1.3030 |
0.04663 |
165 |
127 |
26 |
12 |
529 |
Look what I found inside the food we just ate....pretty neat huh! |
1.3030 |
0.04663 |
165 |
127 |
26 |
12 |
530 |
He was delicious and I like his toy! |
1.3029 |
0.04325 |
175 |
132 |
33 |
10 |
531 |
Every scary story ends with you getting the flashlight. |
1.3025 |
0.04298 |
162 |
120 |
35 |
7 |
532 |
[No Caption. Blank. This is funny, and any words added will just take away from the humor of it.} |
1.3023 |
0.04747 |
172 |
135 |
22 |
15 |
533 |
Tell me again where did you find batteries
for your flashlight? |
1.3023 |
0.04527 |
172 |
132 |
28 |
12 |
534 |
It looks scarier when they do it |
1.3021 |
0.04061 |
192 |
144 |
38 |
10 |
535 |
Kumbaya |
1.3019 |
0.04439 |
159 |
119 |
32 |
8 |
536 |
and then they heard a ghostly voice say,'one more short armed joke and one of you is gonna get jur-ass kicked'! |
1.3018 |
0.04180 |
169 |
125 |
37 |
7 |
537 |
So I tapped that cartographer on the shoulder, and just before I ate him I said, 'No, HERE be dragons!'" |
1.3018 |
0.04880 |
169 |
134 |
19 |
16 |
538 |
Enough with the scary stories about these mythical "humans" |
1.3017 |
0.04329 |
179 |
136 |
32 |
11 |
539 |
Let me guess—Jack Nicholson in The Shining? |
1.3013 |
0.04933 |
156 |
122 |
21 |
13 |
540 |
No, that's true," I said, "but does this look to you like the face of a leaf eater? |
1.3011 |
0.04524 |
176 |
136 |
27 |
13 |
541 |
...and then the stranger said: "WE TASTE LIKE CHICKEN!" |
1.3011 |
0.04303 |
176 |
133 |
33 |
10 |
542 |
Boo! I'm Extinct!! |
1.3011 |
0.04215 |
186 |
141 |
34 |
11 |
543 |
And now for some light relief. |
1.3006 |
0.04363 |
163 |
122 |
33 |
8 |
544 |
Then, out of spite, DeSantis chooses PENCE as his running mate! |
1.3006 |
0.04578 |
173 |
134 |
26 |
13 |
545 |
So when they tell you that climate change isn't real ... |
1.3006 |
0.04352 |
173 |
131 |
32 |
10 |
546 |
That guy who invented fire really tasted good |
1.3005 |
0.03907 |
193 |
143 |
42 |
8 |
547 |
Please Dad, I want to go back to the Equator. |
1.3000 |
0.04590 |
160 |
122 |
28 |
10 |
548 |
Seriously, is there a raptor between my teeth? |
1.3000 |
0.04235 |
180 |
136 |
34 |
10 |
549 |
See that just makes you look a lot older than you actually are. |
1.3000 |
0.04590 |
160 |
122 |
28 |
10 |
550 |
Is there anybody stuck in my teeth? |
1.2995 |
0.04298 |
197 |
153 |
29 |
15 |
551 |
65 million years ago, on a night just like tonight... |
1.2994 |
0.04455 |
167 |
127 |
30 |
10 |
552 |
Have you heard the one about the cold-blooded campers? |
1.2994 |
0.04088 |
157 |
114 |
39 |
4 |
553 |
And then he heard a knock at the cave door. |
1.2994 |
0.04377 |
157 |
117 |
33 |
7 |
554 |
Eating a boy scout troop and campfire stories is not my idea of dinner and a show.! |
1.2994 |
0.04649 |
157 |
120 |
27 |
10 |
555 |
...and then this big rock fell out of the sky and we all died! |
1.2989 |
0.04699 |
174 |
137 |
22 |
15 |
556 |
Suddenly, an asteroid appeared... |
1.2988 |
0.04592 |
164 |
126 |
27 |
11 |
557 |
I don't know. I ate the guy! |
1.2987 |
0.04431 |
154 |
115 |
32 |
7 |
558 |
A Metoer? Ice Age?
How do you come up with this stuff? |
1.2987 |
0.05057 |
154 |
122 |
18 |
14 |
559 |
And the asteroid is right behind you now! |
1.2986 |
0.04631 |
144 |
108 |
29 |
7 |
560 |
It was a dark and gloomy night, and I am wondering where the hell I got this flashlight." |
1.2983 |
0.04287 |
181 |
138 |
32 |
11 |
561 |
And then the hideous golden haired, blue eyed, rosy cheeked little human peeked up from under the bed. |
1.2982 |
0.04459 |
171 |
131 |
29 |
11 |
562 |
No, I'm not freaked out by your story. I'm freaked out about how you managed to get hold of a flashlight! |
1.2982 |
0.04302 |
171 |
129 |
33 |
9 |
563 |
I hope you’re not going to tell me the one about the dragon with the hook for a hand again. |
1.2982 |
0.04221 |
171 |
128 |
35 |
8 |
564 |
Now I’m thinking you should have just swallowed it along with the rest of him! |
1.2981 |
0.04479 |
161 |
122 |
30 |
9 |
565 |
Wait, that's how you scared them? |
1.2979 |
0.04176 |
188 |
143 |
34 |
11 |
566 |
Impressive, but can we barbecue a brontosaurus with it? |
1.2975 |
0.03863 |
158 |
113 |
43 |
2 |
567 |
Which way is scarier, light on or off? |
1.2975 |
0.04623 |
158 |
121 |
27 |
10 |
568 |
… and finally, after all the fire and brimstone and destruction has passed… a lowly MAMMAL will rise up to rule the earth ! |
1.2975 |
0.04710 |
158 |
122 |
25 |
11 |
569 |
It’s called Herbalife, and a spot just opened up on my team! |
1.2975 |
0.04623 |
158 |
121 |
27 |
10 |
570 |
Then one night a star moved across the sky. It got bigger and bigger, closer and closer.... |
1.2974 |
0.04073 |
195 |
148 |
36 |
11 |
571 |
This story will make you pee your pants. Go put some on. |
1.2971 |
0.03993 |
175 |
129 |
40 |
6 |
572 |
And then the asteroid got closer .... |
1.2971 |
0.04309 |
175 |
133 |
32 |
10 |
573 |
And then she announced it was actually a plant-based meat substitute! |
1.2971 |
0.04385 |
175 |
134 |
30 |
11 |
574 |
“You can’t scare me anymore. I’m old enough to know there’s no scary humans living under my bed!” |
1.2968 |
0.04859 |
155 |
121 |
22 |
12 |
575 |
The sky went dark and in the sky a huge meteor streaked across the sky…and BAM! |
1.2967 |
0.04407 |
182 |
141 |
28 |
13 |
576 |
This is not the honeymoon I expected ! |
1.2967 |
0.04267 |
182 |
139 |
32 |
11 |
577 |
...and after our bones are harvested by furless creatures, they will be sold for millions of dollars and put on display... |
1.2965 |
0.04280 |
172 |
130 |
33 |
9 |
578 |
—and then they raised the Earth’s temperature by three degrees! |
1.2961 |
0.04461 |
152 |
114 |
31 |
7 |
579 |
Where’d you get the batteries ? |
1.2959 |
0.04489 |
169 |
130 |
28 |
11 |
580 |
At our age it is a luxury that we are able to sit around a fire as compared to breathing fire in our 20's. |
1.2956 |
0.04932 |
159 |
126 |
19 |
14 |
581 |
Oh, honey! There are whitening strips for that problem now. |
1.2955 |
0.04055 |
176 |
131 |
38 |
7 |
582 |
Look, I’m a human! |
1.2952 |
0.04543 |
166 |
128 |
27 |
11 |
583 |
Scary? imagine millennia from now we'll be be contributing global warming. |
1.2952 |
0.04380 |
166 |
126 |
31 |
9 |
584 |
And that’s when I realized, the boogyman was afraid of ME! |
1.2949 |
0.04657 |
156 |
120 |
26 |
10 |
585 |
Whoa that was really scary, now tell the one you made up about the meteor |
1.2945 |
0.04517 |
163 |
125 |
28 |
10 |
586 |
It was dark, I was hungry and they wanted a scary ending. |
1.2941 |
0.05069 |
153 |
122 |
17 |
14 |
587 |
What the fuck are you doing? |
1.2941 |
0.04984 |
153 |
121 |
19 |
13 |
588 |
That’s still not getting you on the Game of Thrones sequel. |
1.2941 |
0.04532 |
153 |
116 |
29 |
8 |
589 |
Prophecy warns that a giant asteroid will fly towards the Earth. Ending life and triggering and UNHOLY APOCALYPSE! ! They'll call it: Mankind |
1.2937 |
0.04573 |
160 |
123 |
27 |
10 |
590 |
One gray night it happened, Jackie Paper came no more
And Puff, that mighty dragon, he ceased his fearless roar . . . |
1.2934 |
0.04599 |
167 |
130 |
25 |
12 |
591 |
My karaoke turn- """If you can make it here, you can make it anywhere!!...."" |
1.2934 |
0.04357 |
167 |
127 |
31 |
9 |
592 |
It was the ASTEROID!!! |
1.2930 |
0.04167 |
157 |
116 |
36 |
5 |
593 |
What kind of sicko would go look at our skeletons in a museum? |
1.2927 |
0.04323 |
164 |
124 |
32 |
8 |
594 |
Can you tell I've had them whitened? |
1.2926 |
0.04363 |
188 |
147 |
27 |
14 |
595 |
In the year -66,000,000 BCE, or so, a giant asteroid will crash into the sea just off of Mexico. All of our family will be killed. Then humans will evolve and destroy the entire earth! |
1.2926 |
0.04491 |
188 |
149 |
23 |
16 |
596 |
And that’s how the final season of Game of Thrones ended. |
1.2926 |
0.04230 |
188 |
145 |
31 |
12 |
597 |
And then, hurtling through the sky came...creationism! |
1.2925 |
0.04942 |
147 |
115 |
21 |
11 |
598 |
Yeah, yeah that's real spooky, but where the hell did you find the light thingy? |
1.2925 |
0.04651 |
147 |
112 |
27 |
8 |
599 |
We can't wait for global warming to save us from extinction |
1.2925 |
0.04651 |
147 |
112 |
27 |
8 |
600 |
Asteroids aren't actually real are they? |
1.2924 |
0.04520 |
171 |
133 |
26 |
12 |
601 |
You nearly scared me to extinction. |
1.2922 |
0.04411 |
154 |
116 |
31 |
7 |
602 |
...and then they all became fossils. |
1.2919 |
0.04632 |
161 |
125 |
25 |
11 |
603 |
The Ice Age is about to hit and you want to sing? |
1.2919 |
0.03905 |
161 |
117 |
41 |
3 |
604 |
And a big rock will fall into the sea, and the sky will grow dark, and we will all die. |
1.2919 |
0.04374 |
161 |
122 |
31 |
8 |
605 |
There were screams, there was blood, there was gnashing of teeth and, after a loud belch, Papa proclaimed "good knight" |
1.2919 |
0.04715 |
161 |
126 |
23 |
12 |
606 |
Just tweeze the little pesky ones under my chin. |
1.2917 |
0.04496 |
168 |
130 |
27 |
11 |
607 |
Frank cut it out. We already ate them, do we have to play with their stuff too? |
1.2917 |
0.04728 |
168 |
133 |
21 |
14 |
608 |
-In time I am convinced that it will warm up- |
1.2914 |
0.03941 |
151 |
109 |
40 |
2 |
609 |
Go ahead! Tell me this doesn't make me look like Trump! |
1.2914 |
0.04845 |
151 |
118 |
22 |
11 |
610 |
Worse, a rock. |
1.2914 |
0.04466 |
151 |
114 |
30 |
7 |
611 |
Does THIS make you see me in a whole new light? |
1.2914 |
0.04753 |
151 |
117 |
24 |
10 |
612 |
So... you're saying that the flashlight makes us scary? |
1.2911 |
0.04517 |
158 |
121 |
28 |
9 |
613 |
Tell me a human story. |
1.2909 |
0.04213 |
165 |
124 |
34 |
7 |
614 |
All right, Mr. Spielberg, I'm ready for my close-up. |
1.2908 |
0.05185 |
141 |
112 |
17 |
12 |
615 |
And since Spielberg,we’ve been blamed for everything. |
1.2905 |
0.04623 |
148 |
113 |
27 |
8 |
616 |
And they had watches made of apples! |
1.2905 |
0.04913 |
148 |
116 |
21 |
11 |
617 |
Wait. What’s a comet? |
1.2903 |
0.04574 |
155 |
119 |
27 |
9 |
618 |
Did you ask for extra batteries BEFORE you ate him? |
1.2903 |
0.04665 |
155 |
120 |
25 |
10 |
619 |
Are we really ever ready for evolution? |
1.2901 |
0.04523 |
162 |
125 |
27 |
10 |
620 |
They say an asteroid haunts these woods. |
1.2901 |
0.04261 |
162 |
122 |
33 |
7 |
621 |
And then they put your skeleton on display. |
1.2899 |
0.04472 |
169 |
131 |
27 |
11 |
622 |
Put that down, you look beastly. |
1.2897 |
0.04685 |
145 |
111 |
26 |
8 |
623 |
And then...,and then, fire came from the sky, and everyone wished they'd have partaken of the cannabis plant instead of worrying about healthcare. |
1.2893 |
0.04666 |
159 |
124 |
24 |
11 |
624 |
I'm in love with Jeff Goldblum. |
1.2893 |
0.04218 |
159 |
119 |
34 |
6 |
625 |
You've got some camper in your teeth. |
1.2892 |
0.04278 |
166 |
126 |
32 |
8 |
626 |
Now THAT's cold-blooded! |
1.2892 |
0.04191 |
166 |
125 |
34 |
7 |
627 |
And then she said, "we've banned books about dragons." |
1.2889 |
0.04131 |
180 |
137 |
34 |
9 |
628 |
And then these creatures collect our bones and display them for all to see |
1.2885 |
0.04456 |
156 |
119 |
29 |
8 |
629 |
Enough with the scary games--lets open the marshmallows! |
1.2885 |
0.04548 |
156 |
120 |
27 |
9 |
630 |
Am I too good looking to be scary? |
1.2885 |
0.04727 |
156 |
122 |
23 |
11 |
631 |
And then, as if that’s not bad enough, those pesky little mammals took over the whole darn planet! |
1.2885 |
0.04638 |
156 |
121 |
25 |
10 |
632 |
I haven't seen one of these since the dark ages. |
1.2883 |
0.04056 |
163 |
121 |
37 |
5 |
633 |
I saw the people I ate doing this! |
1.2882 |
0.04290 |
170 |
130 |
31 |
9 |
634 |
Tell me the one about the asteroid again. |
1.2880 |
0.03995 |
184 |
139 |
37 |
8 |
635 |
It makes me look scarier, don’t you think? |
1.2877 |
0.04856 |
146 |
114 |
22 |
10 |
636 |
And they were never seen again. Well, for 65 million years anyway. |
1.2876 |
0.04789 |
153 |
120 |
22 |
11 |
637 |
And then the asteroid grew larger in the moonlit sky.., |
1.2866 |
0.04523 |
157 |
121 |
27 |
9 |
638 |
Hate to say it, Jeff, but it makes you look less scary. |
1.2866 |
0.04719 |
164 |
130 |
21 |
13 |
639 |
Do you realize that gimmick is as old as we are!!! |
1.2865 |
0.04019 |
171 |
128 |
37 |
6 |
640 |
And then the ice slowly covered the entire planet! |
1.2857 |
0.04096 |
147 |
108 |
36 |
3 |
641 |
And then he falls down the Empire State Building. |
1.2857 |
0.04091 |
154 |
114 |
36 |
4 |
642 |
and then...the big corporations said climate change isn't real because the whole system was making them rich |
1.2857 |
0.04399 |
168 |
130 |
28 |
10 |
643 |
Oh yea, that will definitively keep the bears away! |
1.2857 |
0.04528 |
147 |
112 |
28 |
7 |
644 |
And then slowly,ever so slowly,the little human crawled down from above the bed,inching closer and closer. |
1.2857 |
0.04558 |
168 |
132 |
24 |
12 |
645 |
Stop it. Everyone knows there’s no such thing as asteroids. |
1.2848 |
0.04533 |
165 |
129 |
25 |
11 |
646 |
Don’t exhale… that’s my father’s good flashlight. |
1.2847 |
0.04480 |
144 |
109 |
29 |
6 |
647 |
Save the battery,Manny! It’s not like you will get to eat another time traveller and take his flashlight. |
1.2847 |
0.04993 |
144 |
114 |
19 |
11 |
648 |
George, you ARE the thing that goes bump in the night. |
1.2847 |
0.04894 |
144 |
113 |
21 |
10 |
649 |
Pretty, scary, huh? You try it. |
1.2846 |
0.04968 |
123 |
94 |
23 |
6 |
650 |
And there was nothing but MAMMALS everywhere she looked! |
1.2840 |
0.04376 |
169 |
131 |
28 |
10 |
651 |
Why are these ALWAYS about St. George? |
1.2840 |
0.04672 |
162 |
128 |
22 |
12 |
652 |
How's this for a ghost story, we all die, something called humans come about & create energy from our carcassed remains. |
1.2839 |
0.04366 |
155 |
118 |
30 |
7 |
653 |
Ice age, dude—see my teeth chattering? |
1.2838 |
0.04398 |
148 |
112 |
30 |
6 |
654 |
You know Rex, I think that's overkill. The campers found us plenty scary last night without it. |
1.2838 |
0.04701 |
148 |
115 |
24 |
9 |
655 |
And then she killed them all. It was the damsel ALL ALONG! |
1.2837 |
0.04861 |
141 |
110 |
22 |
9 |
656 |
And when the monster finally came out from under the bed, the little kid had grown up...and left home. |
1.2837 |
0.04648 |
141 |
108 |
26 |
7 |
657 |
Does this light make me look more ferocious? |
1.2837 |
0.04538 |
141 |
107 |
28 |
6 |
658 |
His name was George...Saint George." |
1.2833 |
0.04115 |
180 |
138 |
33 |
9 |
659 |
Do I look like a monster? |
1.2832 |
0.04381 |
173 |
135 |
27 |
11 |
660 |
He's purple and he sings children's songs |
1.2830 |
0.04198 |
159 |
120 |
33 |
6 |
661 |
So, Saint George walks into a bar... |
1.2828 |
0.04962 |
145 |
115 |
19 |
11 |
662 |
And then… there was a human in his closet! |
1.2825 |
0.04310 |
177 |
138 |
28 |
11 |
663 |
But then Dianne Feinstein said, "I've decided not to retire after all!" |
1.2822 |
0.04728 |
163 |
130 |
20 |
13 |
664 |
And then they burned our liquified bodies in their SUVs... |
1.2821 |
0.04795 |
156 |
124 |
20 |
12 |
665 |
I don't get it. |
1.2819 |
0.04769 |
149 |
117 |
22 |
10 |
666 |
Don't you just love being in the scouts? |
1.2819 |
0.04673 |
149 |
116 |
24 |
9 |
667 |
Stop it. It makes you look monstrous. |
1.2819 |
0.04475 |
149 |
114 |
28 |
7 |
668 |
See!? It makes me look scary. |
1.2819 |
0.04575 |
149 |
115 |
26 |
8 |
669 |
I told you the humans would screw it up and we'd be back! And look what they left us! |
1.2819 |
0.04373 |
149 |
113 |
30 |
6 |
670 |
Once upon a time, sixty-five million years ago... |
1.2817 |
0.04831 |
142 |
111 |
22 |
9 |
671 |
And then the big cold came and …. Kaboom!!! we were gone ! |
1.2816 |
0.04359 |
174 |
136 |
27 |
11 |
672 |
It was a dark and stormy night, and some very scary humans were under my bed... |
1.2812 |
0.04204 |
192 |
151 |
28 |
13 |
673 |
I'm still wondering how you started this fire. |
1.2810 |
0.04770 |
153 |
121 |
21 |
11 |
674 |
An asteroid lands and wipes us all out, then these monsters make fuel from our bones and then joke about becoming a dinosaur! |
1.2809 |
0.04434 |
178 |
141 |
24 |
13 |
675 |
No need for cosmetic surgery, you already look hot. |
1.2808 |
0.05026 |
146 |
117 |
17 |
12 |
676 |
Cut it out Firebreath. You'll make me cough up the knight. |
1.2806 |
0.05005 |
139 |
110 |
19 |
10 |
677 |
This was the only part of him I couldn't digest. |
1.2803 |
0.04025 |
157 |
117 |
36 |
4 |
678 |
And they decided to make a sixth ‘Jurassic Park!’ |
1.2803 |
0.04412 |
157 |
121 |
28 |
8 |
679 |
I'm actually just trying to hand you the flashlight. |
1.2800 |
0.04646 |
150 |
117 |
24 |
9 |
680 |
And then he said, I am the Ghost of Exxon Yet-To-Come. |
1.2800 |
0.04549 |
150 |
116 |
26 |
8 |
681 |
Then he screamed and dropped this nifty gadget. |
1.2800 |
0.04926 |
150 |
120 |
18 |
12 |
682 |
And then the meteorite streaked across the sky… |
1.2797 |
0.05002 |
143 |
114 |
18 |
11 |
683 |
And then ... everything started to freeze over! |
1.2794 |
0.04631 |
136 |
104 |
26 |
6 |
684 |
That's right! Two thumbs! |
1.2794 |
0.04972 |
136 |
107 |
20 |
9 |
685 |
No, you don't look any scarier--for the millionth time. |
1.2793 |
0.04118 |
179 |
138 |
32 |
9 |
686 |
What else did you find in the time capsule? |
1.2792 |
0.04466 |
154 |
119 |
27 |
8 |
687 |
And the only marshmallows they could get were the little kind… |
1.2792 |
0.04272 |
154 |
117 |
31 |
6 |
688 |
Turn that light off. I thought I saw something streak through the sky. |
1.2788 |
0.04597 |
165 |
131 |
22 |
12 |
689 |
Kumbaya? I don’t think I know that one. |
1.2786 |
0.04541 |
140 |
107 |
27 |
6 |
690 |
And that's why humans are afraid of the dark. |
1.2785 |
0.04387 |
158 |
122 |
28 |
8 |
691 |
And the brave knight and the princess lived happily ever after! |
1.2785 |
0.04199 |
158 |
120 |
32 |
6 |
692 |
And then- get this- they said the Earth was flat! |
1.2781 |
0.04522 |
151 |
117 |
26 |
8 |
693 |
It was a dark and stormy night … 201.3 to 145 million years ago right here at this exact campsite . . . |
1.2778 |
0.04312 |
162 |
125 |
29 |
8 |
694 |
. . . and that asteroid is hurtling through space toward us at this very moment. |
1.2778 |
0.04131 |
162 |
123 |
33 |
6 |
695 |
I found it on the set of Jurassic Park. |
1.2775 |
0.04208 |
173 |
134 |
30 |
9 |
696 |
Can you tell which ones are implants? |
1.2774 |
0.04626 |
155 |
122 |
23 |
10 |
697 |
You have to go to my dentist. |
1.2774 |
0.04441 |
155 |
120 |
27 |
8 |
698 |
Not scary enough? Ok fine: "Then a meteor crashed into the Earth and we all died." Satisfied? |
1.2774 |
0.04345 |
155 |
119 |
29 |
7 |
699 |
And he was petrified! |
1.2774 |
0.04534 |
155 |
121 |
25 |
9 |
700 |
And then a big rock came out of the sky and ... |
1.2774 |
0.04345 |
155 |
119 |
29 |
7 |
701 |
Honestly, I cannot notice an overbite |
1.2774 |
0.04940 |
137 |
108 |
20 |
9 |
702 |
I am such a "look at me" person... |
1.2774 |
0.04717 |
137 |
106 |
24 |
7 |
703 |
How do you like my new teeth? |
1.2774 |
0.04940 |
137 |
108 |
20 |
9 |
704 |
And then, the Governor of Florida outlawed teaching the theory of evolution from schools! |
1.2770 |
0.04680 |
148 |
116 |
23 |
9 |
705 |
And when the dragons drove home, they found a bloody Starbucks cup hanging from the passenger’s side door handle. |
1.2770 |
0.04580 |
148 |
115 |
25 |
8 |
706 |
...And they were all destroyed by a giant asteroid. |
1.2767 |
0.04271 |
159 |
122 |
30 |
7 |
707 |
DYNO-Lite! |
1.2766 |
0.04942 |
141 |
112 |
19 |
10 |
708 |
Now you can really see how much I need braces. |
1.2766 |
0.04838 |
141 |
111 |
21 |
9 |
709 |
...and the fat, bald, human yells: "I'M HERE TO AUDIT YOUR TAX RETURNS!!!... |
1.2763 |
0.04778 |
152 |
121 |
20 |
11 |
710 |
You're creeping me out, Rex. |
1.2763 |
0.04592 |
152 |
119 |
24 |
9 |
711 |
And scariest of all — he had normal-length arms! |
1.2761 |
0.04784 |
134 |
104 |
23 |
7 |
712 |
Tell me a spooky human story. |
1.2761 |
0.04665 |
134 |
103 |
25 |
6 |
713 |
Then there was a giant drop in the stock market, leading to the extinction of the human race! |
1.2761 |
0.04665 |
134 |
103 |
25 |
6 |
714 |
Honey, when is the last time you saw the dentist? |
1.2761 |
0.04900 |
134 |
105 |
21 |
8 |
715 |
Just stop Lizzy, you're making me a nervous Rex. |
1.2761 |
0.04109 |
163 |
124 |
33 |
6 |
716 |
Suddenly the HUGE ROCK ... HITS the Earth! |
1.2761 |
0.04289 |
163 |
126 |
29 |
8 |
717 |
And they dug him up! |
1.2756 |
0.04599 |
156 |
123 |
23 |
10 |
718 |
Do Dracula again. |
1.2754 |
0.04799 |
138 |
108 |
22 |
8 |
719 |
Not amused, tell me you didn't forgot the marshmallows. |
1.2754 |
0.04799 |
138 |
108 |
22 |
8 |
720 |
But then he discovered that none of the humans he ate were actually gluten-free. |
1.2754 |
0.04908 |
138 |
109 |
20 |
9 |
721 |
Have you heard why they call it Camp Beowulf? |
1.2752 |
0.04453 |
149 |
115 |
27 |
7 |
722 |
And then this comet struck the Yucatán just after we paid a non-refundable deposit at our resort in Cancun. |
1.2752 |
0.04553 |
149 |
116 |
25 |
8 |
723 |
Use this to shine the light in their eyes. They will just stand there looking at the light and then you’ve got them! |
1.2752 |
0.04349 |
149 |
114 |
29 |
6 |
724 |
Harry loved his birthday present - it really made his little face light up! |
1.2752 |
0.04652 |
149 |
117 |
23 |
9 |
725 |
A scary campfire story? OK, it was a dark night just like this one when this asteroid... |
1.2752 |
0.04136 |
149 |
112 |
33 |
4 |
726 |
Mr. Spielberg doesn't appreciate your horsing around on the set. |
1.2752 |
0.04748 |
149 |
118 |
21 |
10 |
727 |
Stop goofing around. How many more beers are left in the cooler? |
1.2750 |
0.04517 |
160 |
126 |
24 |
10 |
728 |
you're a monster. You're scarier in the dark. |
1.2746 |
0.04808 |
142 |
112 |
21 |
9 |
729 |
Once upon a time, creatures called "humans" roamed the earth... |
1.2746 |
0.04486 |
142 |
109 |
27 |
6 |
730 |
...but none of them believed the meteor would come! |
1.2745 |
0.04273 |
153 |
117 |
30 |
6 |
731 |
Yeah it’s scary, but it shows your double chin. |
1.2744 |
0.04604 |
164 |
131 |
21 |
12 |
732 |
Live from New York it’s Saturday night!!! |
1.2744 |
0.04353 |
164 |
128 |
27 |
9 |
733 |
Forget asteroids. Gingivitis will probably kill us first. |
1.2741 |
0.04635 |
135 |
104 |
25 |
6 |
734 |
I've been holding a torch for you for years Edna! |
1.2741 |
0.04980 |
135 |
107 |
19 |
9 |
735 |
Wow! You look almost human! |
1.2740 |
0.04294 |
146 |
111 |
30 |
5 |
736 |
And they were turned into petroleum jelly! |
1.2740 |
0.04613 |
146 |
114 |
24 |
8 |
737 |
This next one might be a bit of a downer. |
1.2739 |
0.04002 |
157 |
118 |
35 |
4 |
738 |
Tell me the one about the dust cloud that hides the sun. |
1.2734 |
0.04544 |
139 |
107 |
26 |
6 |
739 |
Then these monkeys show up WALKING ON TWO LEGS!! |
1.2733 |
0.04526 |
150 |
117 |
25 |
8 |
740 |
And the asteroid said: some day, when you least expect it, I'll be back! |
1.2733 |
0.04526 |
150 |
117 |
25 |
8 |
741 |
Afterwards, there was nothing in the world to eat but broccoli! |
1.2733 |
0.04405 |
161 |
126 |
26 |
9 |
742 |
And then it was revealed that there is actually a small, very uncomfortable Japanese man inside of me... |
1.2727 |
0.04445 |
154 |
120 |
26 |
8 |
743 |
And some of them wore button flies! |
1.2722 |
0.04458 |
158 |
124 |
25 |
9 |
744 |
Good Lord Dino. Get a teeth brightening session. |
1.2721 |
0.04269 |
147 |
112 |
30 |
5 |
745 |
Where did you get the batteries from? |
1.2721 |
0.04685 |
147 |
116 |
22 |
9 |
746 |
If you put this in your mouth they think you're breathing fire |
1.2721 |
0.04585 |
147 |
115 |
24 |
8 |
747 |
And in the future we will all have evolved into chickens! |
1.2721 |
0.04685 |
147 |
116 |
22 |
9 |
748 |
Listen to the chorus of the brontosaurus, la la la |
1.2721 |
0.03970 |
136 |
100 |
35 |
1 |
749 |
And then he put pineapple right on the pizza! |
1.2721 |
0.04836 |
136 |
107 |
21 |
8 |
750 |
I'm never trusting Tinder ever again... |
1.2721 |
0.04947 |
136 |
108 |
19 |
9 |
751 |
I'm trying out for a Jurassic Park remake. |
1.2716 |
0.04202 |
162 |
125 |
30 |
7 |
752 |
First they cut down the trees...then they build huge cities... |
1.2714 |
0.04282 |
140 |
106 |
30 |
4 |
753 |
And then everyone shrunk and grew feathers. The end. |
1.2710 |
0.04784 |
155 |
125 |
18 |
12 |
754 |
He could hear the human coming closer |
1.2708 |
0.04645 |
144 |
113 |
23 |
8 |
755 |
‘St. George did what?” |
1.2708 |
0.04645 |
144 |
113 |
23 |
8 |
756 |
But there's no such thing as monsters" believe what you want but I got a snack and a neat flashligh |
1.2708 |
0.04645 |
144 |
113 |
23 |
8 |
757 |
You’ve always been the pretty one. |
1.2708 |
0.04540 |
144 |
112 |
25 |
7 |
758 |
Do I have stegosaurus in my teeth? |
1.2707 |
0.04417 |
133 |
101 |
28 |
4 |
759 |
Then the voice on the other end said, "Do you know what an asteroid is?" And the babysitter realized that the call was from the room upstairs! |
1.2703 |
0.04244 |
148 |
113 |
30 |
5 |
760 |
And then another moon appeared in the sky, and it got closer and closer. |
1.2703 |
0.04558 |
148 |
116 |
24 |
8 |
761 |
And despite using his fiercest roar and hottest breath, no one was afraid. |
1.2699 |
0.04179 |
163 |
126 |
30 |
7 |
762 |
And they drive an hour each way to work, just to afford to do it again the next day. |
1.2695 |
0.04599 |
141 |
110 |
24 |
7 |
763 |
Aren’t you extinct? |
1.2695 |
0.04599 |
141 |
110 |
24 |
7 |
764 |
And then one day it happened Jackie Paper came no more… |
1.2692 |
0.04579 |
156 |
124 |
22 |
10 |
765 |
When you smile it’s not scary, ok. Seriously, stop. |
1.2692 |
0.04979 |
130 |
103 |
19 |
8 |
766 |
I don't think it's cancer but if you are really that concerned maybe you should go see a dermatologist... |
1.2690 |
0.04720 |
145 |
115 |
21 |
9 |
767 |
Sure, Jim, you’re very scary. |
1.2690 |
0.04512 |
145 |
113 |
25 |
7 |
768 |
Honestly? Boy scouts taste just like chicken. |
1.2687 |
0.04873 |
134 |
106 |
20 |
8 |
769 |
I learned it on Facebook: shining a flashlight into your mouth really does make your teeth whiter! |
1.2687 |
0.04389 |
134 |
102 |
28 |
4 |
770 |
You look better in the dark. |
1.2687 |
0.04873 |
134 |
106 |
20 |
8 |
771 |
...And under his bed was a HUMAN CHILD |
1.2687 |
0.04873 |
134 |
106 |
20 |
8 |
772 |
'Two minutes a day and I swear your teeth will get soooo white' |
1.2687 |
0.04515 |
134 |
103 |
26 |
5 |
773 |
You're right! The new capped teeth look fabulous. |
1.2685 |
0.04629 |
149 |
118 |
22 |
9 |
774 |
Just once I'd like to spend a romantic night by the fire without you acting like a child. |
1.2685 |
0.04629 |
149 |
118 |
22 |
9 |
775 |
What's really scary is they think we're still extinct. |
1.2681 |
0.04661 |
138 |
108 |
23 |
7 |
776 |
I call it “The Wheel” |
1.2681 |
0.04773 |
138 |
109 |
21 |
8 |
777 |
Now I know why we don't do it with the lights on. |
1.2680 |
0.04544 |
153 |
121 |
23 |
9 |
778 |
He tasted really good, and with this thing I can see to get another one. |
1.2680 |
0.04544 |
153 |
121 |
23 |
9 |
779 |
Frank! You've got a piece of peasant stuck in your teeth. |
1.2679 |
0.04261 |
168 |
132 |
27 |
9 |
780 |
Are there any bits of camper in my teeth? |
1.2677 |
0.04802 |
127 |
99 |
22 |
6 |
781 |
Is there a vegan stuck in my teeth? |
1.2677 |
0.05055 |
127 |
101 |
18 |
8 |
782 |
Someday, a million years from now, there will be a flashlight on your telephone. |
1.2676 |
0.04679 |
142 |
112 |
22 |
8 |
783 |
And then our bones ended up in a place called a museum. |
1.2671 |
0.04485 |
146 |
114 |
25 |
7 |
784 |
… and the asteroid came closer … closer … |
1.2667 |
0.05278 |
135 |
111 |
12 |
12 |
785 |
And then he said, 'My, what big teeth you have!' |
1.2667 |
0.04310 |
165 |
130 |
26 |
9 |
786 |
They screamed in horror: the man had no tail. |
1.2667 |
0.04361 |
135 |
103 |
28 |
4 |
787 |
Batteries? |
1.2662 |
0.04401 |
139 |
107 |
27 |
5 |
788 |
Once upon a time, humans roamed the earth... |
1.2658 |
0.04437 |
158 |
125 |
24 |
9 |
789 |
…and then a gigantic asteroid crashed into planet Earth. |
1.2657 |
0.04320 |
143 |
110 |
28 |
5 |
790 |
Hey, its only scary the first time. |
1.2656 |
0.04638 |
128 |
99 |
24 |
5 |
791 |
Stop me if you've heard this one. |
1.2656 |
0.04638 |
128 |
99 |
24 |
5 |
792 |
Watch how this flashlight makes my face look like a monster. |
1.2656 |
0.04896 |
128 |
101 |
20 |
7 |
793 |
Don’t…That makes you look scarey |
1.2654 |
0.04360 |
162 |
128 |
25 |
9 |
794 |
…and out of a dark cave this little pink creature, hairless and scaleless, carrying a pointy stick approaches… |
1.2652 |
0.04545 |
132 |
102 |
25 |
5 |
795 |
…and in the morning there was a velociraptor’s talon hanging on the car door handle” |
1.2652 |
0.04670 |
132 |
103 |
23 |
6 |
796 |
And then the human asked him if he had a moment to talk about his car’s extended warranty! |
1.2652 |
0.05028 |
132 |
106 |
17 |
9 |
797 |
This is a crazy one! They say that one day an asteroid… |
1.2649 |
0.04378 |
151 |
118 |
26 |
7 |
798 |
You promised you wouldn't do that asteroid stuff anymore! |
1.2649 |
0.04275 |
151 |
117 |
28 |
6 |
799 |
Aren't I one handsome dude? |
1.2645 |
0.04584 |
155 |
124 |
21 |
10 |
800 |
We found fire and flashlights and we are still camping?! |
1.2645 |
0.04202 |
155 |
120 |
29 |
6 |
801 |
It was a bright and sunny day, and an entitled damsel was making a scene inside my cave when a vain jerk of a knight wandered by looking for trouble. |
1.2643 |
0.04602 |
140 |
110 |
23 |
7 |
802 |
It was a dark and stormy Mesozoic night... |
1.2643 |
0.04713 |
140 |
111 |
21 |
8 |
803 |
Pretend I'm a scary monster. |
1.2643 |
0.04489 |
140 |
109 |
25 |
6 |
804 |
I'm practicing my carnivore look. |
1.2640 |
0.04272 |
125 |
94 |
29 |
2 |
805 |
Sol!, I slaved over this fire and you had the batteries all along! |
1.2640 |
0.04970 |
125 |
99 |
19 |
7 |
806 |
Wanna see something REALLY scary? |
1.2640 |
0.04839 |
125 |
98 |
21 |
6 |
807 |
No, the guy who was carrying that is not stuck on your teeth. |
1.2639 |
0.04725 |
144 |
115 |
20 |
9 |
808 |
And then the babysitter realizes the call is coming from inside the house." |
1.2639 |
0.04515 |
144 |
113 |
24 |
7 |
809 |
And that’s how I met your father. |
1.2636 |
0.04607 |
129 |
100 |
24 |
5 |
810 |
Do I look scary in this light? |
1.2636 |
0.04862 |
129 |
102 |
20 |
7 |
811 |
You know what’s scary? Those gums! When was the last time you saw a dentist?! |
1.2636 |
0.04607 |
129 |
100 |
24 |
5 |
812 |
Once upon a time, a tiny scale-less creature called 'man' roamed the earth. |
1.2635 |
0.04431 |
148 |
116 |
25 |
7 |
813 |
? Come on baby light my fire ? "That's a flashlight, you idiot, not a microphone!!" |
1.2635 |
0.04732 |
148 |
119 |
19 |
10 |
814 |
Yeah, looks like some pieces of medieval knight stuck between your teeth. |
1.2632 |
0.04640 |
133 |
104 |
23 |
6 |
815 |
I don't know, some magic light. It was in my crap. |
1.2632 |
0.04994 |
133 |
107 |
17 |
9 |
816 |
Let’s go find s’more people to eat. |
1.2632 |
0.04761 |
133 |
105 |
21 |
7 |
817 |
Then the chivalrous knight, and the beautiful princess lived happily ever after! |
1.2632 |
0.04251 |
152 |
118 |
28 |
6 |
818 |
‘Knock, knock, knock’— Nessie was sure it was the human again! Her indigestion increased and the remaining taste of the camper grew sour on her tongue… |
1.2628 |
0.04889 |
137 |
110 |
18 |
9 |
819 |
Can you tell if I like butter? |
1.2624 |
0.04346 |
141 |
109 |
27 |
5 |
820 |
Now that we have fire, electricity and opposed thumbs, we just need wheels and absolutely notking can stand in our way to ruling the earth. |
1.2619 |
0.04805 |
126 |
99 |
21 |
6 |
821 |
'Let me enlighten you' |
1.2619 |
0.04935 |
126 |
100 |
19 |
7 |
822 |
This next one's about the human under my bed! |
1.2617 |
0.04507 |
149 |
118 |
23 |
8 |
823 |
I don't know, Frank, it comes off a little desperate. |
1.2617 |
0.04507 |
149 |
118 |
23 |
8 |
824 |
Oooh, then the Princess said ‘do you have a job? My father wants to meet you.’ |
1.2615 |
0.04704 |
130 |
102 |
22 |
6 |
825 |
I’d grab that stupid torch off you if I had longer arms. |
1.2615 |
0.04951 |
130 |
104 |
18 |
8 |
826 |
And then humans destroyed the earth with carbon emissions. |
1.2615 |
0.04704 |
130 |
102 |
22 |
6 |
827 |
Please don't ruin this moment with one of your torch songs. |
1.2615 |
0.04704 |
130 |
102 |
22 |
6 |
828 |
You’re scarier with it off! |
1.2615 |
0.04443 |
130 |
100 |
26 |
4 |
829 |
You're so cold-blooded! |
1.2614 |
0.04521 |
153 |
122 |
22 |
9 |
830 |
...and when he finally awoke, millions of years later, no one could hear his screams from inside the tank of a 1997 Dodge Neon. |
1.2614 |
0.04327 |
153 |
120 |
26 |
7 |
831 |
...and then, I invented Facebook |
1.2614 |
0.04425 |
153 |
121 |
24 |
8 |
832 |
And the operator said, "The call is coming is coming from inside your cave!" |
1.2611 |
0.04253 |
157 |
123 |
27 |
7 |
833 |
That' awful. You look paleolithic! |
1.2609 |
0.04363 |
161 |
128 |
24 |
9 |
834 |
Nobody ever believes how this ends. |
1.2609 |
0.04519 |
138 |
108 |
24 |
6 |
835 |
And then a great big fireball flew down from the sky - and it came closer and closer and CLOSER and CLOSER AND CLOSER.......
...and it just missed us. |
1.2606 |
0.04114 |
165 |
129 |
29 |
7 |
836 |
That's when my phone started ringing... from an UNKNOWN CALLER! |
1.2606 |
0.04654 |
142 |
113 |
21 |
8 |
837 |
So when you said we were going to roast some friends, you meant comedically. |
1.2602 |
0.05517 |
123 |
102 |
10 |
11 |
838 |
Do I have any human stuck in my teeth? |
1.2601 |
0.04232 |
173 |
138 |
25 |
10 |
839 |
Susie suddenly realizes that the magic is gone... |
1.2595 |
0.04917 |
131 |
105 |
18 |
8 |
840 |
And the meteor got closer and closer, until one day... |
1.2595 |
0.04917 |
131 |
105 |
18 |
8 |
841 |
I chose Invisalign. |
1.2593 |
0.04814 |
135 |
108 |
19 |
8 |
842 |
I think this makes me look a lot better than that ring light does |
1.2593 |
0.04579 |
135 |
106 |
23 |
6 |
843 |
Grandma, what big teeth you have! |
1.2590 |
0.04605 |
139 |
110 |
22 |
7 |
844 |
Maybe you should try comedy. |
1.2590 |
0.04373 |
139 |
108 |
26 |
5 |
845 |
You should floss more |
1.2590 |
0.04490 |
139 |
109 |
24 |
6 |
846 |
That is very cool, but what is your point? |
1.2590 |
0.04605 |
139 |
110 |
22 |
7 |
847 |
Just look at all these reasons to become a dentist. |
1.2590 |
0.04717 |
139 |
111 |
20 |
8 |
848 |
So, I says to my proctologist,you got anything for Ass-teroids? |
1.2583 |
0.05090 |
120 |
96 |
17 |
7 |
849 |
And then the humans… CHECKED THEIR PHONES! |
1.2583 |
0.04950 |
120 |
95 |
19 |
6 |
850 |
This light makes me look scary—right? |
1.2583 |
0.04146 |
151 |
117 |
29 |
5 |
851 |
That’s amazing Herb, but I just wanted to know what time it was. |
1.2581 |
0.04841 |
124 |
98 |
20 |
6 |
852 |
and out sprang...AN ARCHAEOLOGIST! |
1.2581 |
0.04562 |
124 |
96 |
24 |
4 |
853 |
This gag is older than the Paleozoic, but it still gets laughs. |
1.2578 |
0.04738 |
128 |
101 |
21 |
6 |
854 |
Once upon a time, toward a land not so far, far away, a gigantic fireball hurtled through the sky. The End.” |
1.2578 |
0.04866 |
128 |
102 |
19 |
7 |
855 |
. . . and then this big ol' giant meteor comes flying out of the sky . . . |
1.2578 |
0.04738 |
128 |
101 |
21 |
6 |
856 |
You’re not gonna tell the crazy story about the meteorite again are you? |
1.2577 |
0.05135 |
97 |
75 |
19 |
3 |
857 |
Warm your toes and get a light up your nose, it’s Dino Hour baby! |
1.2576 |
0.05115 |
132 |
108 |
14 |
10 |
858 |
Hey, cut it out, you're making my blood run colder. |
1.2576 |
0.04641 |
132 |
104 |
22 |
6 |
859 |
He didn't taste good but at least he had a nice toy. |
1.2576 |
0.05115 |
132 |
108 |
14 |
10 |
860 |
Ordinarily I would insist we are not monsters,but now I get it. |
1.2574 |
0.04782 |
136 |
109 |
19 |
8 |
861 |
Okay, but I think you’re plenty scary without the gimmicks. |
1.2574 |
0.04042 |
136 |
103 |
31 |
2 |
862 |
No! Not the one about the big meteor! |
1.2569 |
0.04379 |
144 |
113 |
25 |
6 |
863 |
And even now,when you drive over that bridge,you can still hear the cries of the Brontosaurus’s girlfriend… |
1.2566 |
0.04620 |
152 |
123 |
19 |
10 |
864 |
I know this film is on a tight budget, but is it too much to ask that we hire a lighting designer? |
1.2566 |
0.04328 |
152 |
120 |
25 |
7 |
865 |
...but that wasn't the last time we saw Jimmy, oh no. He showed up 65 million years later, being used as fuel for a PT Cruiser! |
1.2562 |
0.04914 |
121 |
96 |
19 |
6 |
866 |
Stop it! You’re scaring away our dinner. |
1.2562 |
0.04625 |
121 |
94 |
23 |
4 |
867 |
And suddenly, a giant fireball appears in the sky |
1.2562 |
0.04771 |
121 |
95 |
21 |
5 |
868 |
I’m scared of the dark |
1.2562 |
0.04625 |
121 |
94 |
23 |
4 |
869 |
Check out my new dental implants! |
1.2560 |
0.04939 |
125 |
100 |
18 |
7 |
870 |
It was a bright and sunny day… |
1.2560 |
0.04530 |
125 |
97 |
24 |
4 |
871 |
One day the purple one will return and he will be called Barney.” |
1.2560 |
0.04939 |
125 |
100 |
18 |
7 |
872 |
Those campers were stringy but it was worth it just to get their flashlight. |
1.2560 |
0.05068 |
125 |
101 |
16 |
8 |
873 |
And then we were cloned and lived forever in a giant amusement park |
1.2560 |
0.05194 |
125 |
102 |
14 |
9 |
874 |
I think I've got the lyrics. 'Come on baby, light my fire.' |
1.2558 |
0.04705 |
129 |
102 |
21 |
6 |
875 |
It makes me look eons younger |
1.2558 |
0.04575 |
129 |
101 |
23 |
5 |
876 |
Can't we just make the s'mores now? |
1.2558 |
0.04575 |
129 |
101 |
23 |
5 |
877 |
Am I still extinct? |
1.2558 |
0.04302 |
129 |
99 |
27 |
3 |
878 |
And then we all go extinct. |
1.2558 |
0.04575 |
129 |
101 |
23 |
5 |
879 |
Is it me or is my night cream really working? |
1.2558 |
0.04575 |
129 |
101 |
23 |
5 |
880 |
They say THE HUMAN still lurks in these woods |
1.2556 |
0.04356 |
133 |
103 |
26 |
4 |
881 |
And poof! Up went Little Jackie Paper. |
1.2556 |
0.04851 |
133 |
107 |
18 |
8 |
882 |
My granny told this one so here it goes once upon time there was a Diploceraspis living alone in a forest … |
1.2556 |
0.04356 |
133 |
103 |
26 |
4 |
883 |
Do I have any time traveler in my teeth? |
1.2556 |
0.04610 |
133 |
105 |
22 |
6 |
884 |
And then they made a SIXTH movie!!! With actors as old as us!! |
1.2556 |
0.04223 |
133 |
102 |
28 |
3 |
885 |
'Well, that's an improvement." |
1.2555 |
0.04751 |
137 |
110 |
19 |
8 |
886 |
And out popped...a late-stage capitalist society! |
1.2555 |
0.04520 |
137 |
108 |
23 |
6 |
887 |
...iridocyclitis... |
1.2555 |
0.04520 |
137 |
108 |
23 |
6 |
888 |
Save your breath. I have a flashlight. |
1.2552 |
0.04567 |
145 |
116 |
21 |
8 |
889 |
...and thousands of chattering creatures swarm around macabre displays built from our bones! |
1.2548 |
0.04418 |
157 |
126 |
22 |
9 |
890 |
Now that you've discovered fire, can I ditch this flashlight? |
1.2542 |
0.04842 |
118 |
93 |
20 |
5 |
891 |
That's no pterodactyl" murmured Obi Wantosaurus, "it's an asteroid... |
1.2541 |
0.04592 |
122 |
95 |
23 |
4 |
892 |
And then you didn’t eat the dentist? |
1.2541 |
0.04878 |
122 |
97 |
19 |
6 |
893 |
And so once upon a time, there was this character named Scaredactyl.... |
1.2541 |
0.04878 |
122 |
97 |
19 |
6 |
894 |
That's good. Now see if you can make a growling sound. |
1.2541 |
0.04125 |
122 |
92 |
29 |
1 |
895 |
And their museums were full of our bones! |
1.2540 |
0.04904 |
126 |
101 |
18 |
7 |
896 |
Do you think my whitening strips are working? |
1.2540 |
0.04904 |
126 |
101 |
18 |
7 |
897 |
He was giving a fireside chat, but I ate him anyway. |
1.2540 |
0.04638 |
126 |
99 |
22 |
5 |
898 |
You need a shave. |
1.2540 |
0.04772 |
126 |
100 |
20 |
6 |
899 |
Is there something stuck in my teeth? |
1.2540 |
0.04207 |
126 |
96 |
28 |
2 |
900 |
And then I said, "time traveler, time schmaveler," right before I ate him. |
1.2538 |
0.04922 |
130 |
105 |
17 |
8 |
901 |
Do you think my sagging neck is a sign of a coming disaster? |
1.2538 |
0.04673 |
130 |
103 |
21 |
6 |
902 |
And when they shed their skin, it was George Santos! |
1.2538 |
0.04922 |
130 |
105 |
17 |
8 |
903 |
And your blood will grease their machines! |
1.2538 |
0.04799 |
130 |
104 |
19 |
7 |
904 |
And then ... creak, creak, creak .... down the stairs came ....Saint George! |
1.2538 |
0.04544 |
130 |
102 |
23 |
5 |
905 |
All the light and none of the heat! |
1.2538 |
0.04673 |
130 |
103 |
21 |
6 |
906 |
Heeeeeere's Jaxartosaurus! |
1.2538 |
0.04673 |
130 |
103 |
21 |
6 |
907 |
And then St. George slowly pulled out his sword. |
1.2537 |
0.04700 |
134 |
107 |
20 |
7 |
908 |
So, after smoking for twenty years his lungs were ruined and he couldn’t breathe fire anymore. |
1.2537 |
0.05046 |
134 |
110 |
14 |
10 |
909 |
Mom said they yelled something about time travel before she ate ‘em. |
1.2536 |
0.04607 |
138 |
110 |
21 |
7 |
910 |
Can you please repeat the part where you ate the humans? |
1.2536 |
0.04607 |
138 |
110 |
21 |
7 |
911 |
Really? You took his flashlight too? |
1.2536 |
0.04607 |
138 |
110 |
21 |
7 |
912 |
And then, a giant asteroid hits and everyone dies. Scary, huh? |
1.2536 |
0.04831 |
138 |
112 |
17 |
9 |
913 |
An asteroid is coming to get you!... Har, har, har |
1.2534 |
0.04326 |
146 |
115 |
25 |
6 |
914 |
Is that still stuck on my teeth? |
1.2533 |
0.03922 |
150 |
115 |
32 |
3 |
915 |
...and a humongous meteor struck the Earth... |
1.2531 |
0.04492 |
162 |
132 |
19 |
11 |
916 |
...and then after the meteor hits, and you're dead, your body decomposes under ground until it turns into sludge, and then it gets pumped up and consumed by fire in some weird way by warm-blooded creatures... |
1.2530 |
0.04331 |
166 |
134 |
22 |
10 |
917 |
Loser lies in the amber! |
1.2521 |
0.04656 |
119 |
93 |
22 |
4 |
918 |
They remove their skin everyday... |
1.2521 |
0.04806 |
119 |
94 |
20 |
5 |
919 |
And then the little girl leaned over and looked under her bed! |
1.2520 |
0.04559 |
123 |
96 |
23 |
4 |
920 |
Hey, can you see this zit on my chin? |
1.2520 |
0.04996 |
127 |
103 |
16 |
8 |
921 |
...and where his claws should be, he had a big metal hook! |
1.2519 |
0.05007 |
131 |
107 |
15 |
9 |
922 |
Do you think I can get by without flossing tonight? |
1.2519 |
0.04549 |
135 |
107 |
22 |
6 |
923 |
This isn't what I had in mind for our anniversary,Carl. |
1.2519 |
0.04900 |
135 |
110 |
16 |
9 |
924 |
The extinct stuff is starting to scare me |
1.2519 |
0.04299 |
135 |
105 |
26 |
4 |
925 |
Okay with that lighting I see why they’re scared of us |
1.2519 |
0.04169 |
135 |
104 |
28 |
3 |
926 |
OOH, They walked on TWO legs and had TWO arms! ........ |
1.2518 |
0.04800 |
139 |
113 |
17 |
9 |
927 |
Then, just before the end—a giant, menacing balloon floated ominously across the land... |
1.2518 |
0.04690 |
139 |
112 |
19 |
8 |
928 |
The part about the asteroid slamming into the planet seems a little far-fetched. |
1.2518 |
0.04577 |
139 |
111 |
21 |
7 |
929 |
And after he met Jackie, nobody saw him in Honalee ever again! |
1.2517 |
0.04704 |
143 |
116 |
18 |
9 |
930 |
And then the meteor hit! |
1.2500 |
0.04519 |
136 |
108 |
22 |
6 |
931 |
Not only was the asteroid on a collision course, but we had failed to establish a National Aeronautics and Space Administration and a DART spacecraft for planetary defense!” |
1.2500 |
0.04915 |
120 |
96 |
18 |
6 |
932 |
You think this is scary! Let me tell you about an extinction event. |
1.2500 |
0.04610 |
132 |
105 |
21 |
6 |
933 |
You look very scary, yes. Now can we please just enjoy the evening? |
1.2500 |
0.04397 |
136 |
107 |
24 |
5 |
934 |
The dentist said I have the whitest teeth he had ever seen before I ate him. |
1.2500 |
0.04879 |
116 |
92 |
19 |
5 |
935 |
You seem convinced the Invisalign is working. |
1.2500 |
0.04771 |
120 |
95 |
20 |
5 |
936 |
What is the fire for? |
1.2500 |
0.04573 |
128 |
101 |
22 |
5 |
937 |
And just when the pandemic subsided, a mysterious balloon that could wipe out an entire civilization was spotted in the sky above. |
1.2500 |
0.04519 |
136 |
108 |
22 |
6 |
938 |
If the fire doesn't keep the humans away,we can defend ourselves with this human light saber.. |
1.2500 |
0.04462 |
144 |
115 |
22 |
7 |
939 |
once upon a time there was a human.... |
1.2500 |
0.04483 |
132 |
104 |
23 |
5 |
940 |
My mom said humans aren't real. |
1.2500 |
0.04610 |
132 |
105 |
21 |
6 |
941 |
Mm? Yes, you’re very scary. |
1.2500 |
0.04734 |
132 |
106 |
19 |
7 |
942 |
Flossing after meals. You should try it. |
1.2483 |
0.04098 |
145 |
113 |
28 |
4 |
943 |
Stop scaring me! You look just like Ernest Borgnine! |
1.2482 |
0.04608 |
137 |
110 |
20 |
7 |
944 |
And then, a future species takes over the earth, and they turn us into punchlines! |
1.2482 |
0.04369 |
137 |
108 |
24 |
5 |
945 |
And then a great ball fell out of the sky, and the land burned, then turned to ice, and no more of us roamed the earth forevermore! |
1.2481 |
0.04821 |
133 |
108 |
17 |
8 |
946 |
I'd stick with the breathing fire. |
1.2481 |
0.04323 |
133 |
104 |
25 |
4 |
947 |
Do you want the one about the volcanoes or the asteroid? |
1.2481 |
0.04453 |
133 |
105 |
23 |
5 |
948 |
And then I fought a double headed dragon and a giant moth but STILL did badly at the box office |
1.2481 |
0.04579 |
133 |
106 |
21 |
6 |
949 |
And the villagers didn’t even panic. They just pulled out a big red canister with two words written across it…Fire Extinguisher. |
1.2481 |
0.04673 |
129 |
103 |
20 |
6 |
950 |
Yeah, right. As if asteroids are real. |
1.2481 |
0.04801 |
129 |
104 |
18 |
7 |
951 |
I think your face might be better suited for radio. |
1.2481 |
0.04926 |
129 |
105 |
16 |
8 |
952 |
You're scary, but not as scary as those guys we just ate. |
1.2481 |
0.04926 |
129 |
105 |
16 |
8 |
953 |
This is history's first fireside chat |
1.2481 |
0.04542 |
129 |
102 |
22 |
5 |
954 |
Okay, first of all, what is a comet? |
1.2480 |
0.04906 |
125 |
101 |
17 |
7 |
955 |
And then they’ll make a movie franchise about us and each new movie will be worse than the previous one. |
1.2479 |
0.04736 |
121 |
96 |
20 |
5 |
956 |
And if the story I just told isn't true, may a meteor strike me dead! |
1.2479 |
0.04277 |
121 |
93 |
26 |
2 |
957 |
And then after stabbing it and burning it, the little human ate the marshmallow. |
1.2479 |
0.04879 |
121 |
97 |
18 |
6 |
958 |
Does holding this flashlight so close make me look extinct? |
1.2479 |
0.04879 |
121 |
97 |
18 |
6 |
959 |
Then, after the meteor, arrive tiny, fleshy creatures who take over the world… |
1.2479 |
0.04736 |
121 |
96 |
20 |
5 |
960 |
Stop it! I have fire dripping out my nose. |
1.2479 |
0.05137 |
117 |
95 |
15 |
7 |
961 |
No way you look sixty-five million years old. |
1.2479 |
0.04841 |
117 |
93 |
19 |
5 |
962 |
you've been watching too many Far Side cartoons.. |
1.2478 |
0.04954 |
113 |
90 |
18 |
5 |
963 |
No, you're scarier when you wake up in the morning |
1.2478 |
0.04954 |
113 |
90 |
18 |
5 |
964 |
… and then the comet hit Flo-o-o-rida! |
1.2466 |
0.04299 |
146 |
116 |
24 |
6 |
965 |
Then I ate all their s'mores. |
1.2465 |
0.04490 |
142 |
114 |
21 |
7 |
966 |
Seriously Bob, where'd you get that thing? |
1.2464 |
0.04217 |
138 |
108 |
26 |
4 |
967 |
I'm looking to increasing the wow factor. |
1.2464 |
0.04692 |
138 |
112 |
18 |
8 |
968 |
Do you think he saurus? |
1.2463 |
0.04670 |
134 |
108 |
19 |
7 |
969 |
And the there was this flash of light and we all disappeared. |
1.2462 |
0.04891 |
130 |
106 |
16 |
8 |
970 |
Then he lands a job with a big insurance company and we haven't heard from him since |
1.2462 |
0.04768 |
130 |
105 |
18 |
7 |
971 |
Great. You brought a flashlight, but forgot the shrooms. |
1.2462 |
0.04377 |
130 |
102 |
24 |
4 |
972 |
Puff, I don't think scary stories are your thing. How about a story about your house by the sea? |
1.2462 |
0.04891 |
130 |
106 |
16 |
8 |
973 |
The trump desantis debate |
1.2462 |
0.05012 |
130 |
107 |
14 |
9 |
974 |
And then a huge rock appeared in the sky. |
1.2460 |
0.04319 |
126 |
98 |
25 |
3 |
975 |
Hey, you promised Mom you wouldn't do that to me! |
1.2460 |
0.04603 |
126 |
100 |
21 |
5 |
976 |
Then, the meteorite crushes into the Earth and we become extinct |
1.2460 |
0.04739 |
126 |
101 |
19 |
6 |
977 |
And that's where dino nuggets come from. |
1.2459 |
0.04701 |
122 |
97 |
20 |
5 |
978 |
And then there was a bright flash in the sky |
1.2459 |
0.04843 |
122 |
98 |
18 |
6 |
979 |
The scary thing is all that nose hair. Ugh. |
1.2459 |
0.04555 |
122 |
96 |
22 |
4 |
980 |
Bvxt ejlmn garrr milzwk pooooj*
*Look what I found after we ate the last time traveller. |
1.2458 |
0.04652 |
118 |
93 |
21 |
4 |
981 |
My turn, my turn. |
1.2458 |
0.04805 |
118 |
94 |
19 |
5 |
982 |
And just like THAT! The little Boy Scout dropped his flashlight and went screaming into the woods, never to be heard from again. |
1.2458 |
0.04493 |
118 |
92 |
23 |
3 |
983 |
You are so unfunny with that stupid grin. Try looking more dragon like and by the way you should brush. |
1.2456 |
0.05071 |
114 |
92 |
16 |
6 |
984 |
You're frightening enough without special effects! |
1.2450 |
0.04199 |
151 |
120 |
25 |
6 |
985 |
Oh, grow up! That's pathetically paleolithic. |
1.2444 |
0.04518 |
135 |
108 |
21 |
6 |
986 |
Do I look as scared as the guy I ate to get this flashlight? |
1.2443 |
0.04210 |
131 |
102 |
26 |
3 |
987 |
As I took his flashlight I told the boy "I thought your motto is 'be prepared.' You obviously aren't." |
1.2443 |
0.04609 |
131 |
105 |
20 |
6 |
988 |
Grandpa, everyone knows there’s no such thing as meteorites. |
1.2443 |
0.04977 |
131 |
108 |
14 |
9 |
989 |
And then they collected all of her bones and put them in a museum. |
1.2443 |
0.04480 |
131 |
104 |
22 |
5 |
990 |
Here's a scary story for you! The Donald thinks he should be President again. |
1.2443 |
0.04480 |
131 |
104 |
22 |
5 |
991 |
A human once told me this scary story about an asteroid that will kill us all. The human called himself “Time Traveler”. Anyway, that’s where I got this flashlight. |
1.2441 |
0.04837 |
127 |
103 |
17 |
7 |
992 |
Before they went extinct, they invented a lot of things. |
1.2441 |
0.05088 |
127 |
105 |
13 |
9 |
993 |
Yes, your dental implants are very nice. |
1.2432 |
0.04473 |
111 |
86 |
23 |
2 |
994 |
Are you seriously telling me this torch will still be around in 65,000 millions years and we won't? |
1.2432 |
0.05462 |
111 |
92 |
11 |
8 |
995 |
Goldimonster hesitated, then whispered, “my, what small teeth you have”. |
1.2426 |
0.04489 |
136 |
109 |
21 |
6 |
996 |
...and then the accountant slowly looked up from his desk and said, 'TAX TIME'. |
1.2424 |
0.04703 |
132 |
107 |
18 |
7 |
997 |
Well, it frightens Velociraptors |
1.2424 |
0.04578 |
132 |
106 |
20 |
6 |
998 |
Can you look closer? I think it's a finger. |
1.2424 |
0.04318 |
132 |
104 |
24 |
4 |
999 |
I don't know...an idiot with a flashlight lighting his own stupid face? |
1.2424 |
0.04450 |
132 |
105 |
22 |
5 |
1000 |
So his vorpal blade went snicker-snak and I thought , hmmm, Snack! |
1.2424 |
0.04824 |
132 |
108 |
16 |
8 |
1001 |
Then I said 'I could shoot someone on 5th Avenue or grab a woman by the pussy and stalk and physically menace and intimidate Hilary all over a small debate stage for close to 2 hours on live television and still get elected president. The End! |
1.2422 |
0.04802 |
128 |
104 |
17 |
7 |
1002 |
In a thousand years there is a new species that destroys the entire planet |
1.2422 |
0.04539 |
128 |
102 |
21 |
5 |
1003 |
Next is "The Legend of the La Brea Tar Pits |
1.2422 |
0.04802 |
128 |
104 |
17 |
7 |
1004 |
Do I have any apex predator stuck in my teeth? |
1.2422 |
0.04929 |
128 |
105 |
15 |
8 |
1005 |
They call him Puff! |
1.2420 |
0.03980 |
157 |
124 |
28 |
5 |
1006 |
You're not scary. You just look stupid and you're wasting batteries. |
1.2419 |
0.04908 |
124 |
101 |
16 |
7 |
1007 |
Quit messing around and pass me a beer |
1.2419 |
0.04341 |
124 |
97 |
24 |
3 |
1008 |
You're really dragon this ghost story out, Phil. |
1.2419 |
0.04633 |
124 |
99 |
20 |
5 |
1009 |
Those new lithium batteries work remarkably well |
1.2417 |
0.04879 |
120 |
97 |
17 |
6 |
1010 |
It’s a flashlight. We can see at night without having to breath fire! |
1.2417 |
0.04879 |
120 |
97 |
17 |
6 |
1011 |
The asteroid, nine miles wide, hurled quickly through space toward the Yucatán Peninsula… |
1.2417 |
0.04733 |
120 |
96 |
19 |
5 |
1012 |
When I said lighten up I was referring to the excruciatingly dull conversation we were having. |
1.2414 |
0.05140 |
116 |
95 |
14 |
7 |
1013 |
It makes you look scaly. |
1.2414 |
0.04184 |
145 |
115 |
25 |
5 |
1014 |
And then everyone in Tokyo started firing missiles! |
1.2414 |
0.04992 |
116 |
94 |
16 |
6 |
1015 |
And, then, a massive asteroid hit the earth. |
1.2414 |
0.04184 |
145 |
115 |
25 |
5 |
1016 |
And then they realised, they weren’t in the Jurassic era at all. |
1.2411 |
0.04438 |
112 |
87 |
23 |
2 |
1017 |
And then...there came an asteroid! |
1.2411 |
0.05267 |
112 |
92 |
13 |
7 |
1018 |
You look positively prehistoric! |
1.2411 |
0.05112 |
112 |
91 |
15 |
6 |
1019 |
The call is coming from inside the cave! |
1.2409 |
0.04459 |
137 |
110 |
21 |
6 |
1020 |
So it’s not You’re So Vain. Is it You Light Up My Life |
1.2406 |
0.04547 |
133 |
107 |
20 |
6 |
1021 |
Marge,you have to try this new exfoliant. Only 2 weeks and I’m smooth as a Hermes pocketbook. |
1.2406 |
0.04547 |
133 |
107 |
20 |
6 |
1022 |
My mom always told me to smile even when I'm telling ghost stories. |
1.2406 |
0.04289 |
133 |
105 |
24 |
4 |
1023 |
And the eerie voice in the dark screeched, you will be fossil fuuueeel! |
1.2406 |
0.04791 |
133 |
109 |
16 |
8 |
1024 |
And that’s when they saw the asteroid |
1.2403 |
0.04508 |
129 |
103 |
21 |
5 |
1025 |
Next, they turned us into fuel! |
1.2403 |
0.04085 |
129 |
100 |
27 |
2 |
1026 |
You look as scary as a Boy Scout. |
1.2403 |
0.04640 |
129 |
104 |
19 |
6 |
1027 |
Don't be afraid, it's still me; the same attractive, fun-loving guy you always knew. |
1.2403 |
0.04508 |
129 |
103 |
21 |
5 |
1028 |
C’Mon baby, light my fi-i-ire! |
1.2403 |
0.04508 |
129 |
103 |
21 |
5 |
1029 |
It’s my time to shine. |
1.2400 |
0.04600 |
125 |
100 |
20 |
5 |
1030 |
Be honest, don't I look scary? |
1.2400 |
0.05003 |
125 |
103 |
14 |
8 |
1031 |
…And after that, the land will be covered by millions of tiny little creatures barely the size of your toenail who will dig you up and burn your remains to power unimaginable machines that fly across the sky. |
1.2397 |
0.04486 |
146 |
119 |
19 |
8 |
1032 |
Good thing humans aren't real |
1.2397 |
0.04549 |
121 |
96 |
21 |
4 |
1033 |
No, Wait! It was the Governor of Florida AND Texas! |
1.2397 |
0.04698 |
121 |
97 |
19 |
5 |
1034 |
Any broccoli in my teeth? |
1.2397 |
0.04983 |
121 |
99 |
15 |
7 |
1035 |
No, I can't see any chives. |
1.2397 |
0.04549 |
121 |
96 |
21 |
4 |
1036 |
Ready to tell scary human stories? |
1.2397 |
0.04236 |
121 |
94 |
25 |
2 |
1037 |
And then, all the dinosaurs became vegans! |
1.2397 |
0.05119 |
121 |
100 |
13 |
8 |
1038 |
It's showtime! Another chilla thrilla from Godzilla! |
1.2394 |
0.04680 |
142 |
117 |
16 |
9 |
1039 |
And then a gigantic ball of fire falls from the sky destroying all life! Bwahahahaha! |
1.2393 |
0.04802 |
117 |
94 |
18 |
5 |
1040 |
Do I have anything stuck in my teeth? |
1.2393 |
0.04802 |
117 |
94 |
18 |
5 |
1041 |
And 65 million years later, his bones were still on display for all to see... |
1.2393 |
0.04646 |
117 |
93 |
20 |
4 |
1042 |
... but the pizza had PINEAPPLE on it! |
1.2393 |
0.04646 |
117 |
93 |
20 |
4 |
1043 |
... but in fact, the meteor was heading right for them, and everything, everything they cherished would ... |
1.2391 |
0.04548 |
138 |
112 |
19 |
7 |
1044 |
Scary Dragon Stories after a late Knight supper. |
1.2389 |
0.04749 |
113 |
90 |
19 |
4 |
1045 |
The humans consumed more and more atop the giant bed. Our family cringed beneath as the box springs started snapping. |
1.2389 |
0.04913 |
113 |
91 |
17 |
5 |
1046 |
Here’s bronny |
1.2389 |
0.04749 |
113 |
90 |
19 |
4 |
1047 |
This is not the way to impress a girl on a first date! |
1.2389 |
0.05225 |
113 |
93 |
13 |
7 |
1048 |
...and then a giant meteor came down and wiped out everyone and everything except this really weird 2 legged species that didn't even have a tail, called humans! Just kidding! |
1.2388 |
0.04517 |
134 |
108 |
20 |
6 |
1049 |
Is this thing on? |
1.2385 |
0.05031 |
109 |
88 |
16 |
5 |
1050 |
And in the future, our future descendants eggs will become wildly expensive. |
1.2385 |
0.04859 |
109 |
87 |
18 |
4 |
1051 |
I hate camping. |
1.2385 |
0.04859 |
109 |
87 |
18 |
4 |
1052 |
I think we should get a divorce. |
1.2385 |
0.05197 |
109 |
89 |
14 |
6 |
1053 |
Not sure how, but last time this was on my face, there was dinner on the other end. |
1.2385 |
0.05031 |
109 |
88 |
16 |
5 |
1054 |
His bones were dug up by hairless monkeys, and displayed for educational amusement. |
1.2385 |
0.04681 |
109 |
86 |
20 |
3 |
1055 |
No, these monsters were...preHERstoric! |
1.2385 |
0.05358 |
109 |
90 |
12 |
7 |
1056 |
OMG, you almost looked human for a minute! |
1.2385 |
0.04477 |
130 |
104 |
21 |
5 |
1057 |
And then the monster screamed when the human came out from under the bed . . . |
1.2385 |
0.04477 |
130 |
104 |
21 |
5 |
1058 |
And then there was ANOTHER rate hike. |
1.2385 |
0.04736 |
130 |
106 |
17 |
7 |
1059 |
Tell the part about the meteor again. |
1.2385 |
0.04477 |
130 |
104 |
21 |
5 |
1060 |
...and if you look on top of your bed, you may just see a human lurking there... |
1.2385 |
0.04860 |
130 |
107 |
15 |
8 |
1061 |
Naah, doesn’t help…. |
1.2385 |
0.04477 |
130 |
104 |
21 |
5 |
1062 |
Once upon a time, huge dinosaurs roamed the earth. |
1.2381 |
0.04567 |
126 |
101 |
20 |
5 |
1063 |
And then the woman use their skin as a belt. |
1.2381 |
0.05093 |
126 |
105 |
12 |
9 |
1064 |
Stop! I’ll have nightmares! |
1.2381 |
0.04567 |
126 |
101 |
20 |
5 |
1065 |
And the knocking was coming from inside his ... stomach! |
1.2381 |
0.04567 |
126 |
101 |
20 |
5 |
1066 |
Ugh, not that meteor story again! |
1.2381 |
0.04426 |
126 |
100 |
22 |
4 |
1067 |
And as he came for us, he whispered, "It's a-me, Mario!" |
1.2377 |
0.04664 |
122 |
98 |
19 |
5 |
1068 |
Enough already! Break out the s’mores! |
1.2377 |
0.04807 |
122 |
99 |
17 |
6 |
1069 |
They displayed his body on a museum! |
1.2377 |
0.04946 |
122 |
100 |
15 |
7 |
1070 |
I'm telling you. Hairless apes are real! |
1.2377 |
0.04664 |
122 |
98 |
19 |
5 |
1071 |
Then suddenly, a giant rock from outer space came whizzing towards them... |
1.2374 |
0.04633 |
139 |
114 |
17 |
8 |
1072 |
Is that it? |
1.2373 |
0.04915 |
118 |
96 |
16 |
6 |
1073 |
Frightening, eh? |
1.2373 |
0.04766 |
118 |
95 |
18 |
5 |
1074 |
Did I tell you about my visit to Tokyo? |
1.2373 |
0.04286 |
118 |
92 |
24 |
2 |
1075 |
Turn that off! The counselor's going to see it |
1.2373 |
0.05061 |
118 |
97 |
14 |
7 |
1076 |
NOT ONLY A GREAT LUNCH, BUT I GOT THIS AS WELL! |
1.2370 |
0.04727 |
135 |
111 |
16 |
8 |
1077 |
Do I have some camper stuck in my teeth? |
1.2366 |
0.04174 |
131 |
103 |
25 |
3 |
1078 |
And thennnnnn..... they all went EXTINCT! |
1.2366 |
0.04576 |
131 |
106 |
19 |
6 |
1079 |
And then the humans showed up. |
1.2366 |
0.04826 |
131 |
108 |
15 |
8 |
1080 |
Sorry, but I don’t find this quite as romantic as you do. |
1.2366 |
0.04703 |
131 |
107 |
17 |
7 |
1081 |
What—my dental hygiene isn’t scary enough? |
1.2364 |
0.05154 |
110 |
90 |
14 |
6 |
1082 |
Read my lips, you forgot the marshfellows. |
1.2364 |
0.04990 |
110 |
89 |
16 |
5 |
1083 |
Welcome to open air mike night ! |
1.2364 |
0.05154 |
110 |
90 |
14 |
6 |
1084 |
Yes, but moonlight becomes you. |
1.2364 |
0.04990 |
110 |
89 |
16 |
5 |
1085 |
I dunno, Jerry, I think it accentuates your underbite. |
1.2362 |
0.04803 |
127 |
104 |
16 |
7 |
1086 |
It was a night like this.
A meteorite blazed through the sky. |
1.2358 |
0.04483 |
123 |
98 |
21 |
4 |
1087 |
Damn! You look like a dragon! |
1.2358 |
0.04483 |
123 |
98 |
21 |
4 |
1088 |
Then they hung up his bones in a museum! |
1.2358 |
0.04630 |
123 |
99 |
19 |
5 |
1089 |
Oww! It makes you look lie a scary monster! |
1.2357 |
0.04821 |
140 |
117 |
13 |
10 |
1090 |
And that is why you check for any meteors under your bed before you go to sleep |
1.2357 |
0.04132 |
140 |
111 |
25 |
4 |
1091 |
I'll miss you when you take your show to Broadway |
1.2353 |
0.04418 |
119 |
94 |
22 |
3 |
1092 |
Start a fire by rubbing two sticks together, but make sure they’re the same. Then you’ll have a match. |
1.2353 |
0.04333 |
136 |
109 |
22 |
5 |
1093 |
By the time that's popular, we'll be extinct. |
1.2353 |
0.04730 |
119 |
96 |
18 |
5 |
1094 |
Here I am, the light of your life. |
1.2353 |
0.04878 |
119 |
97 |
16 |
6 |
1095 |
Look for the ones doing this. They’re old and slower but still tasty. |
1.2353 |
0.04577 |
119 |
95 |
20 |
4 |
1096 |
And then this purple dinosaur would sing, 'I love you, you love me...'" |
1.2353 |
0.04730 |
119 |
96 |
18 |
5 |
1097 |
...and then a big giant flaming rock came down and destroyed everything. |
1.2348 |
0.04545 |
132 |
107 |
19 |
6 |
1098 |
Must you always do that when you get to the "you slay me" part of the story? |
1.2348 |
0.04146 |
132 |
104 |
25 |
3 |
1099 |
…and then a giant meteor came whirling down… |
1.2348 |
0.04670 |
132 |
108 |
17 |
7 |
1100 |
Am I getting feathers under my chin? |
1.2348 |
0.04793 |
132 |
109 |
15 |
8 |
1101 |
And then, BOOM, the asteroid hits! Don't worry it's just a campfire story. |
1.2348 |
0.04836 |
115 |
93 |
17 |
5 |
1102 |
Fire is old school Reggie! The future is calling… come on and light up |
1.2348 |
0.04510 |
115 |
91 |
21 |
3 |
1103 |
Do you think it makes me look scary? |
1.2344 |
0.04221 |
128 |
101 |
24 |
3 |
1104 |
And they were all turned into this thing called OIL. |
1.2344 |
0.04638 |
128 |
104 |
18 |
6 |
1105 |
Do I look more scary? |
1.2344 |
0.04365 |
128 |
102 |
22 |
4 |
1106 |
Don’t you think this makes me look more ferocious?! |
1.2344 |
0.04503 |
128 |
103 |
20 |
5 |
1107 |
And then they asked, "What's an asteroid?" |
1.2342 |
0.04949 |
111 |
90 |
16 |
5 |
1108 |
OMG! It makes you look human! |
1.2342 |
0.04949 |
111 |
90 |
16 |
5 |
1109 |
You bet Jur-ass-ic it’s cold out here! |
1.2342 |
0.05270 |
111 |
92 |
12 |
7 |
1110 |
Sure beats breathing fire. |
1.2339 |
0.04596 |
124 |
100 |
19 |
5 |
1111 |
Then big rock fall from sky |
1.2339 |
0.04451 |
124 |
99 |
21 |
4 |
1112 |
He dropped it just before I ate him. |
1.2339 |
0.04596 |
124 |
100 |
19 |
5 |
1113 |
Does this thing on my nose look pre-cancerous? |
1.2336 |
0.04710 |
107 |
85 |
19 |
3 |
1114 |
Light my fire, light my fire. |
1.2336 |
0.05241 |
107 |
88 |
13 |
6 |
1115 |
OOOOOOOO!
When you do that it makes you look like a monster. |
1.2336 |
0.04664 |
137 |
113 |
16 |
8 |
1116 |
Enough with the stupid human tricks ! |
1.2333 |
0.04841 |
120 |
98 |
16 |
6 |
1117 |
It was a bright and sunny morning… |
1.2333 |
0.04694 |
120 |
97 |
18 |
5 |
1118 |
And the scary small mammal said... |
1.2331 |
0.03977 |
133 |
104 |
27 |
2 |
1119 |
And THEN a huge ROCK fell out of the Sky, and we all disappeared. |
1.2331 |
0.04639 |
133 |
109 |
17 |
7 |
1120 |
Don't my new veneers look good, Sheryl? |
1.2331 |
0.04514 |
133 |
108 |
19 |
6 |
1121 |
And then a giant meteor hit the earth and blew us out of existence! |
1.2328 |
0.04640 |
116 |
93 |
19 |
4 |
1122 |
Is there any marshmallow in my teeth? |
1.2328 |
0.04640 |
116 |
93 |
19 |
4 |
1123 |
And then a big rock fell out of the sky. |
1.2326 |
0.04193 |
129 |
102 |
24 |
3 |
1124 |
And then they’ll make boots out of your skin and two step to Taylor Swift. |
1.2326 |
0.04472 |
129 |
104 |
20 |
5 |
1125 |
…until the effects of climate change became irreversible. |
1.2326 |
0.04335 |
129 |
103 |
22 |
4 |
1126 |
Can we stop telling warm and fuzzy stories? |
1.2326 |
0.04606 |
129 |
105 |
18 |
6 |
1127 |
Can we skip to Kum-Ba-Ya? |
1.2326 |
0.04472 |
129 |
104 |
20 |
5 |
1128 |
We'll thank them for inventing it, then all bets are off! |
1.2326 |
0.04735 |
129 |
106 |
16 |
7 |
1129 |
I hear there's humans in these woods! |
1.2321 |
0.04390 |
112 |
88 |
22 |
2 |
1130 |
They say it's more flattering than natural lighting. |
1.2321 |
0.04570 |
112 |
89 |
20 |
3 |
1131 |
Man, that really makes you look wierd! |
1.2321 |
0.05071 |
112 |
92 |
14 |
6 |
1132 |
And when I thought the date was a success she said: your fangs are so big I can see what you ate last week |
1.2321 |
0.04909 |
112 |
91 |
16 |
5 |
1133 |
Ha! C'mon Jerry! We all know there's no such thing as an extinction level fireball falling from the sky. |
1.2320 |
0.04419 |
125 |
100 |
21 |
4 |
1134 |
I promise, nothing is stuck in your teeth! |
1.2320 |
0.04563 |
125 |
101 |
19 |
5 |
1135 |
Yes, that should scare away any wild animals. |
1.2320 |
0.04563 |
125 |
101 |
19 |
5 |
1136 |
With my looks and your brains, we are here to stay. |
1.2320 |
0.04702 |
125 |
102 |
17 |
6 |
1137 |
And they just kept making sequel, after sequel, after sequel! |
1.2320 |
0.04271 |
125 |
99 |
23 |
3 |
1138 |
Yup, it's just a piece of spinach. |
1.2320 |
0.04837 |
125 |
103 |
15 |
7 |
1139 |
This one's about how we were all killed by climate change. |
1.2319 |
0.04633 |
138 |
114 |
16 |
8 |
1140 |
And then Elon Musk said, "I'm going to do a Twitter poll and let the Internet decide." |
1.2315 |
0.04853 |
108 |
87 |
17 |
4 |
1141 |
Your reptilian sense of humor. That's what scares me. |
1.2315 |
0.05197 |
108 |
89 |
13 |
6 |
1142 |
And then in the middle of the night when everyone was sleeping, a gigantic comet came and killed all of us. Sleep tight! |
1.2315 |
0.04482 |
108 |
85 |
21 |
2 |
1143 |
Never mind where I got the light and listen to the story. |
1.2315 |
0.05197 |
108 |
89 |
13 |
6 |
1144 |
Now do I look scary? |
1.2315 |
0.04671 |
108 |
86 |
19 |
3 |
1145 |
and it had orange hairs on top of its head. |
1.2315 |
0.04671 |
108 |
86 |
19 |
3 |
1146 |
You done with that torch? - I’m kinda gettin’ cold here |
1.2315 |
0.04671 |
108 |
86 |
19 |
3 |
1147 |
...and then. as all the little lizards were going to sleep, after looking under their beds, a giant monster rock appeared in the sky! |
1.2314 |
0.04509 |
121 |
97 |
20 |
4 |
1148 |
And then Satan will scatter your bones across the earth to fool believers. |
1.2314 |
0.04354 |
121 |
96 |
22 |
3 |
1149 |
Maybe seeing me in a new light will increase my Tik Tok following. |
1.2314 |
0.04805 |
121 |
99 |
16 |
6 |
1150 |
Then, in the well-lit room, he heard a sound from something not under the bed. |
1.2313 |
0.04484 |
134 |
109 |
19 |
6 |
1151 |
Stop quibbling about opposing thumbs and focus on the story, or so help me I'll tear you to pieces! |
1.2308 |
0.04702 |
130 |
107 |
16 |
7 |
1152 |
Can’t we have a campfire without you scaring the crap out of me? |
1.2308 |
0.04970 |
104 |
84 |
16 |
4 |
1153 |
Turn it off, I know what you look like. |
1.2308 |
0.04779 |
104 |
83 |
18 |
3 |
1154 |
For me? fusion cuisine is mixing up leftovers and hoping for a miracle. |
1.2308 |
0.04970 |
104 |
84 |
16 |
4 |
1155 |
And that's what a museum is. |
1.2308 |
0.04604 |
117 |
94 |
19 |
4 |
1156 |
Where did you get a flashlight? |
1.2308 |
0.04604 |
117 |
94 |
19 |
4 |
1157 |
So when did this change from being a rally to being an intimate gathering? |
1.2308 |
0.04970 |
104 |
84 |
16 |
4 |
1158 |
Save the batteries. It |
1.2308 |
0.04914 |
117 |
96 |
15 |
6 |
1159 |
Leyend has it a rock from the sky will be our doom |
1.2308 |
0.04761 |
117 |
95 |
17 |
5 |
1160 |
And then they all turned into birds! |
1.2308 |
0.05155 |
104 |
85 |
14 |
5 |
1161 |
This one is guaranteed to give you knightmares. |
1.2302 |
0.04388 |
126 |
101 |
21 |
4 |
1162 |
NOOOO, why do we have to always die from a comet at the end of your stories?! |
1.2302 |
0.05060 |
126 |
106 |
11 |
9 |
1163 |
And I say we call them “Dino-S’mores” |
1.2301 |
0.04705 |
113 |
91 |
18 |
4 |
1164 |
And then the human uses dramatic uplighting to look even more hideous. |
1.2301 |
0.04705 |
113 |
91 |
18 |
4 |
1165 |
And 40 million years later,they dig up our bones and put them in a museum. |
1.2301 |
0.04870 |
113 |
92 |
16 |
5 |
1166 |
And then the children would eat small dinosaur shaped chicken, rip the heads off, and dip it in KETCHUP!! |
1.2301 |
0.04534 |
113 |
90 |
20 |
3 |
1167 |
Do you think our costumes will keep the bears away? |
1.2296 |
0.04454 |
135 |
110 |
19 |
6 |
1168 |
And then the star started to get bigger and bigger... |
1.2296 |
0.04576 |
135 |
111 |
17 |
7 |
1169 |
That actually makes you LESS scary. |
1.2295 |
0.04476 |
122 |
98 |
20 |
4 |
1170 |
And then, from out of deep, dark outer space, came a meteor! |
1.2295 |
0.04625 |
122 |
99 |
18 |
5 |
1171 |
The fire is dying. Your turn to breath on it. |
1.2295 |
0.04476 |
122 |
98 |
20 |
4 |
1172 |
Ah, I see the problem now….your molars are impacted. |
1.2295 |
0.04322 |
122 |
97 |
22 |
3 |
1173 |
But they said it was just a weather balloon! |
1.2295 |
0.04769 |
122 |
100 |
16 |
6 |
1174 |
Narrow it down for me.
Karloff or Lugosi? |
1.2294 |
0.04813 |
109 |
88 |
17 |
4 |
1175 |
Too bad we couldn't use their sleeping bags. |
1.2294 |
0.04813 |
109 |
88 |
17 |
4 |
1176 |
Don’t worry it doesn’t use a lithium battery. |
1.2294 |
0.04813 |
109 |
88 |
17 |
4 |
1177 |
Then they made tiny pieces of chicken into shapes of us! |
1.2290 |
0.04275 |
131 |
105 |
22 |
4 |
1178 |
Oooh! You look just like those critters we're having for dinner. |
1.2288 |
0.04569 |
118 |
95 |
19 |
4 |
1179 |
…and climbing the tower was a giant gorilla! |
1.2288 |
0.04408 |
118 |
94 |
21 |
3 |
1180 |
it shines but doesn't burn |
1.2288 |
0.04240 |
118 |
93 |
23 |
2 |
1181 |
And then a mere 165 million years later, all the dinosaurs were... GONE. |
1.2286 |
0.05286 |
105 |
87 |
12 |
6 |
1182 |
Then this Boy-scout tried to sneak up on me… ridiculous right ? |
1.2286 |
0.04222 |
140 |
113 |
22 |
5 |
1183 |
And to the ground we will go! For eternity, we will be crushed under rock! Only to be freed and then burned! The end.
Do we have 'smores? |
1.2286 |
0.05110 |
105 |
86 |
14 |
5 |
1184 |
Sorry, but you just don't look scary. |
1.2286 |
0.04928 |
105 |
85 |
16 |
4 |
1185 |
Too human, too human! |
1.2283 |
0.04211 |
127 |
101 |
23 |
3 |
1186 |
What is a meteor again? |
1.2283 |
0.04498 |
127 |
103 |
19 |
5 |
1187 |
I can't wait till someone invents dental floss! |
1.2281 |
0.04499 |
114 |
91 |
20 |
3 |
1188 |
And then,this ginormous asteroid was hurling towards Earth…… |
1.2281 |
0.05143 |
114 |
95 |
12 |
7 |
1189 |
Do I have a fern stuck in my teeth? |
1.2279 |
0.04545 |
136 |
112 |
17 |
7 |
1190 |
And then…Steven Spielberg and a camera crew showed up.. |
1.2279 |
0.04664 |
136 |
113 |
15 |
8 |
1191 |
I'm scared. Show me the bunny rabbit. |
1.2279 |
0.04424 |
136 |
111 |
19 |
6 |
1192 |
And then, a palaeontologist shot out from the woods! |
1.2276 |
0.04591 |
123 |
100 |
18 |
5 |
1193 |
And then he turned around and revealed OPPOSABLE THUMBS! |
1.2276 |
0.04443 |
123 |
99 |
20 |
4 |
1194 |
It was a calm and sunny day... |
1.2273 |
0.04410 |
110 |
87 |
21 |
2 |
1195 |
Sorry, I know we are Dinosaurs, but don’t you know anything past 1981? |
1.2273 |
0.04773 |
110 |
89 |
17 |
4 |
1196 |
All light and no smoke. |
1.2273 |
0.04945 |
110 |
90 |
15 |
5 |
1197 |
Are you sure these costumes are flame retardant? |
1.2269 |
0.04535 |
119 |
96 |
19 |
4 |
1198 |
Tell me the one about the comet hitting the earth again. |
1.2269 |
0.04839 |
119 |
98 |
15 |
6 |
1199 |
And suddenly, in the dark, appeared a knight in shining armor. |
1.2269 |
0.04689 |
119 |
97 |
17 |
5 |
1200 |
And suddenly there was this loud angry shriek from the back of the room. Shaken to their core, the people turned to look in the direction of the hideous sound and saw Marjorie Taylor Greene. |
1.2269 |
0.04984 |
119 |
99 |
13 |
7 |
1201 |
"I'll tell you the scariest story of all time. It starts with humans..." |
1.2266 |
0.04602 |
128 |
105 |
17 |
6 |
1202 |
The monster had warm blood, fur and its offspring came out of it ALIVE! |
1.2266 |
0.04602 |
128 |
105 |
17 |
6 |
1203 |
I agree already, it’s time for a little “nip and tuck” |
1.2266 |
0.04466 |
128 |
104 |
19 |
5 |
1204 |
…and then a huge meteor crashed into the planet! |
1.2266 |
0.04734 |
128 |
106 |
15 |
7 |
1205 |
and you try to catch the humans, but THEY’RE IN JEEPS! |
1.2266 |
0.04327 |
128 |
103 |
21 |
4 |
1206 |
Then, just as the knight approached, the princess started making wild accusations! |
1.2264 |
0.05409 |
106 |
89 |
10 |
7 |
1207 |
They roamed the earth, threatening anyone who got in their way--and then made up stories about us doing that. |
1.2263 |
0.04633 |
137 |
114 |
15 |
8 |
1208 |
It’s fire to go. |
1.2261 |
0.04631 |
115 |
93 |
18 |
4 |
1209 |
What a find! That belongs in a Museum. |
1.2261 |
0.04950 |
115 |
95 |
14 |
6 |
1210 |
You light up my life... |
1.2261 |
0.04950 |
115 |
95 |
14 |
6 |
1211 |
It was ten miles wide and hurtling through space... |
1.2261 |
0.04464 |
115 |
92 |
20 |
3 |
1212 |
But it wasn't a shooting star at all! |
1.2261 |
0.04793 |
115 |
94 |
16 |
5 |
1213 |
And it was then that she saw a sharp, metal hook hanging from the car's door handle! |
1.2261 |
0.04631 |
115 |
93 |
18 |
4 |
1214 |
Look at me. Don’t look up! |
1.2261 |
0.04631 |
115 |
93 |
18 |
4 |
1215 |
And then the meteor hits and we all go extinct! |
1.2261 |
0.04950 |
115 |
95 |
14 |
6 |
1216 |
Beavis and Butthead - The Prequel. |
1.2258 |
0.04699 |
124 |
102 |
16 |
6 |
1217 |
No, I don't see anything, but I hate it when those princes get stuck in your teeth. |
1.2258 |
0.04411 |
124 |
100 |
20 |
4 |
1218 |
I learned it from some boy scouts I was staking out, |
1.2256 |
0.04351 |
133 |
108 |
20 |
5 |
1219 |
I get slapstick but not irony. |
1.2255 |
0.04808 |
102 |
82 |
17 |
3 |
1220 |
. . . and then BOOM! We get wiped-out by a meteor. How crazy is that? |
1.2255 |
0.05006 |
102 |
83 |
15 |
4 |
1221 |
But the campers had all covered themselves… with cilantro! |
1.2255 |
0.05557 |
102 |
86 |
9 |
7 |
1222 |
They called it "meteorite". |
1.2254 |
0.04168 |
142 |
115 |
22 |
5 |
1223 |
Can you lipread me now? |
1.2252 |
0.04904 |
111 |
91 |
15 |
5 |
1224 |
Slowly, the asteroid crept closer... and closer... and closer... |
1.2252 |
0.04904 |
111 |
91 |
15 |
5 |
1225 |
Look, it’s something to do until the Ice Age passes. |
1.2252 |
0.04904 |
111 |
91 |
15 |
5 |
1226 |
Do you see any Boyscout in my teeth? |
1.2252 |
0.04735 |
111 |
90 |
17 |
4 |
1227 |
Oh my God you're right. You do look like Godzilla. |
1.2250 |
0.04802 |
120 |
99 |
15 |
6 |
1228 |
.........and then they took over the House and the Senate. |
1.2250 |
0.04945 |
120 |
100 |
13 |
7 |
1229 |
And then kids will be obsessed with us and put our images on their clothes |
1.2250 |
0.04654 |
120 |
98 |
17 |
5 |
1230 |
Stop pretending to be a human, you‘re scaring me |
1.2250 |
0.04802 |
120 |
99 |
15 |
6 |
1231 |
Closer and closer came the gigantic asteroid as it hurtled through space at thousands of miles per hour... |
1.2250 |
0.04654 |
120 |
98 |
17 |
5 |
1232 |
I wonder how many people will know or remember that we discovered fire and invented flashlights. |
1.2250 |
0.04945 |
120 |
100 |
13 |
7 |
1233 |
But this Knight didn't just slay, he slayed all day. |
1.2250 |
0.04501 |
120 |
97 |
19 |
4 |
1234 |
And he was doing this right before I ate him and the kid. |
1.2250 |
0.04945 |
120 |
100 |
13 |
7 |
1235 |
Oh stop it! That makes you look like a monster! |
1.2250 |
0.04501 |
120 |
97 |
19 |
4 |
1236 |
You don't need a flashlight for the asteroid story.. |
1.2243 |
0.05023 |
107 |
88 |
14 |
5 |
1237 |
Do I have any people stuck in my teeth? |
1.2243 |
0.05023 |
107 |
88 |
14 |
5 |
1238 |
And then he realized “corporate restructuring” meant extinction |
1.2243 |
0.05196 |
107 |
89 |
12 |
6 |
1239 |
Every summer, those Cub Scouts return to haunt these woods. |
1.2241 |
0.04596 |
116 |
94 |
18 |
4 |
1240 |
Then the Stegosaurus said, ‘Flashlights haven’t been invented yet!’ |
1.2241 |
0.04429 |
116 |
93 |
20 |
3 |
1241 |
And when the dad checked under the bed, there was a scary human hiding there! |
1.2241 |
0.04257 |
116 |
92 |
22 |
2 |
1242 |
And the giant meteor kept getting closer and closer... |
1.2241 |
0.04756 |
116 |
95 |
16 |
5 |
1243 |
And then, the humans came to eat us. |
1.2241 |
0.04596 |
116 |
94 |
18 |
4 |
1244 |
And then they took his DNA and made him a theme park! |
1.2241 |
0.04596 |
116 |
94 |
18 |
4 |
1245 |
And then the mammals came! |
1.2240 |
0.04074 |
125 |
99 |
24 |
2 |
1246 |
I AM being honest. I don't see any new hairs, Shelley. |
1.2240 |
0.04665 |
125 |
103 |
16 |
6 |
1247 |
Come on baby, light my fire. |
1.2239 |
0.04054 |
134 |
107 |
24 |
3 |
1248 |
And thousands of Neanderthals each with spears and yelling "kill, kill, kill," surrounded the terror-filled T-Rex. |
1.2233 |
0.05150 |
103 |
85 |
13 |
5 |
1249 |
They made a movie of grandpa attacking Tokyo, but because he wasn't a SAG member, they didn't even pay him scale. |
1.2233 |
0.05150 |
103 |
85 |
13 |
5 |
1250 |
''Sorry honey but I'm pretty sure the smoke is from the fire, not your
nostrils'' |
1.2233 |
0.04766 |
103 |
83 |
17 |
3 |
1251 |
Forget the asteroid. I’ll tell you something REALLY scary! |
1.2232 |
0.04865 |
112 |
92 |
15 |
5 |
1252 |
Don't look now but your feet are beginning to smoke. |
1.2232 |
0.04696 |
112 |
91 |
17 |
4 |
1253 |
I know flossing is scary, but look at the results! |
1.2232 |
0.05185 |
112 |
94 |
11 |
7 |
1254 |
Don’t worry! Humans aren’t real. |
1.2232 |
0.05027 |
112 |
93 |
13 |
6 |
1255 |
I prefer the light of the silvery moon |
1.2231 |
0.04766 |
121 |
100 |
15 |
6 |
1256 |
And after the deadly asteroid laid waste to the earth, the largest animals left alive were a bunch of disgusting little tree shrews! |
1.2231 |
0.04467 |
121 |
98 |
19 |
4 |
1257 |
Come on, man! Too scary! |
1.2231 |
0.04467 |
121 |
98 |
19 |
4 |
1258 |
No, I don't see any shoelaces caught between your teeth. |
1.2231 |
0.04766 |
121 |
100 |
15 |
6 |
1259 |
Then Jeff Goldblum comes back and he’s still going on about chaos theory. |
1.2231 |
0.04667 |
130 |
108 |
15 |
7 |
1260 |
What are you going to do once you burn out the batteries in that thing? |
1.2231 |
0.04267 |
130 |
105 |
21 |
4 |
1261 |
And then the baby sprang out from under the bed with a blood-curdling shriek! |
1.2230 |
0.04090 |
139 |
112 |
23 |
4 |
1262 |
I thought it funny too, but on humans it has the opposite effect |
1.2222 |
0.04881 |
99 |
80 |
16 |
3 |
1263 |
No, these weren't normal campers - They were glampers and the rules didn't apply them! |
1.2222 |
0.04766 |
126 |
105 |
14 |
7 |
1264 |
I would be a better storyteller but I have tendency to dragon.”
R.Weingast
New York, N.Y. |
1.2222 |
0.04981 |
108 |
89 |
14 |
5 |
1265 |
Botox, really Shirley? You look fantastic! |
1.2222 |
0.05087 |
99 |
81 |
14 |
4 |
1266 |
It was a dark and stormy night and the Boy Scouts had become lost in the woods with only a flashlight to guide them. When suddenly their beam of light flashed on ,,,,ME! |
1.2222 |
0.04620 |
108 |
87 |
18 |
3 |
1267 |
Wow! Dry feet AND night vision. |
1.2222 |
0.04293 |
135 |
110 |
20 |
5 |
1268 |
If you think you are scaring me, you are wrong. |
1.2222 |
0.05663 |
99 |
84 |
8 |
7 |
1269 |
It was a dark and meteor showery night |
1.2222 |
0.04873 |
117 |
97 |
14 |
6 |
1270 |
And then it got reeeeally cold. |
1.2222 |
0.04873 |
117 |
97 |
14 |
6 |
1271 |
And after is was all over and everyone thought they could finally relax, there came ...THE PREQUEL! |
1.2222 |
0.04631 |
126 |
104 |
16 |
6 |
1272 |
'Pays to floss your teeth, eh? |
1.2222 |
0.04873 |
117 |
97 |
14 |
6 |
1273 |
This is my scary human face! |
1.2222 |
0.04396 |
117 |
94 |
20 |
3 |
1274 |
I don’t care what the dentist told you….you Don’t Need Braces! |
1.2222 |
0.04560 |
117 |
95 |
18 |
4 |
1275 |
And the batteries are rechargeable, and I’m guessing you can probably eat them, too.” |
1.2222 |
0.04620 |
108 |
87 |
18 |
3 |
1276 |
Did you floss? |
1.2222 |
0.05286 |
99 |
82 |
12 |
5 |
1277 |
Almost makes me look scary, huh? |
1.2222 |
0.04348 |
126 |
102 |
20 |
4 |
1278 |
...and your decaying body will be dug up and burned as fuel by future generations. |
1.2222 |
0.04631 |
126 |
104 |
16 |
6 |
1279 |
Take the flashlight! I can tell you have to go. |
1.2222 |
0.04766 |
126 |
105 |
14 |
7 |
1280 |
Not scary Kevin. And I seriously doubt that this camp site is built on top of an ancient mammalian burial ground! |
1.2222 |
0.04665 |
99 |
79 |
18 |
2 |
1281 |
It's me, Elon Musk, and you're fired! |
1.2222 |
0.05021 |
117 |
98 |
12 |
7 |
1282 |
Yikes! You lookHUMAN! |
1.2222 |
0.04719 |
117 |
96 |
16 |
5 |
1283 |
…and the whole story was written by a computer! |
1.2222 |
0.04200 |
126 |
101 |
22 |
3 |
1284 |
A comet, you say? |
1.2222 |
0.04492 |
126 |
103 |
18 |
5 |
1285 |
Then they get into SUVs and take two parking spaces. |
1.2222 |
0.04293 |
135 |
110 |
20 |
5 |
1286 |
It makes you look even meaner. |
1.2222 |
0.04881 |
99 |
80 |
16 |
3 |
1287 |
BOO! He was a scaredactyl. |
1.2222 |
0.04981 |
108 |
89 |
14 |
5 |
1288 |
No, it doesn't look scary. I can just see all your tartar. |
1.2222 |
0.04348 |
126 |
102 |
20 |
4 |
1289 |
Let me tell you a human story… |
1.2222 |
0.04348 |
126 |
102 |
20 |
4 |
1290 |
You look human |
1.2222 |
0.04719 |
117 |
96 |
16 |
5 |
1291 |
And a big, fiery rock comes down from the sky... |
1.2214 |
0.04064 |
140 |
113 |
23 |
4 |
1292 |
Grrr-Assic! |
1.2214 |
0.04506 |
131 |
108 |
17 |
6 |
1293 |
And then, the beautiful maiden declared herself non-binary. |
1.2213 |
0.04279 |
122 |
98 |
21 |
3 |
1294 |
The only prophecy yet to be fulfilled involves an asteroid... |
1.2212 |
0.04659 |
113 |
92 |
17 |
4 |
1295 |
A song, four words, first word sounds like . . . . |
1.2212 |
0.04659 |
113 |
92 |
17 |
4 |
1296 |
I learned this from the humans we ate...scary, huh? |
1.2212 |
0.04825 |
113 |
93 |
15 |
5 |
1297 |
And she shouts, "It's a cookbook!" |
1.2212 |
0.05142 |
113 |
95 |
11 |
7 |
1298 |
Meteorites? Come on, Michael! This thing will only attract moths … |
1.2212 |
0.04659 |
113 |
92 |
17 |
4 |
1299 |
… and they call us fossil fuels!” |
1.2212 |
0.04986 |
113 |
94 |
13 |
6 |
1300 |
And then the voice whispered his dying word: extinction. |
1.2212 |
0.04725 |
104 |
84 |
17 |
3 |
1301 |
And then they said, "We've traced the call and it's coming from inside the cave." |
1.2212 |
0.04918 |
104 |
85 |
15 |
4 |
1302 |
Fire is so yesterday. |
1.2212 |
0.05790 |
104 |
90 |
5 |
9 |
1303 |
And they sit at the computers all day. Typing emails! |
1.2212 |
0.04725 |
104 |
84 |
17 |
3 |
1304 |
The Beast... With FIVE FINGERS! |
1.2212 |
0.04918 |
104 |
85 |
15 |
4 |
1305 |
Why do humans like camping? |
1.2212 |
0.04918 |
104 |
85 |
15 |
4 |
1306 |
And Chris Pratt reboots the franchise! |
1.2206 |
0.04512 |
136 |
113 |
16 |
7 |
1307 |
and Barney was never seen again." The End. |
1.2205 |
0.04598 |
127 |
105 |
16 |
6 |
1308 |
And then he cried out, "My name is Bilbo Baggins!" |
1.2205 |
0.04170 |
127 |
102 |
22 |
3 |
1309 |
I said please don’t do that! It really makes you look human! |
1.2203 |
0.04683 |
118 |
97 |
16 |
5 |
1310 |
And this is the scary part:
it was a H*U*M*A*N |
1.2203 |
0.04683 |
118 |
97 |
16 |
5 |
1311 |
And as our vaporized bodies increase the earth’s temperature, the humans will do… NOTHING! |
1.2203 |
0.04525 |
118 |
96 |
18 |
4 |
1312 |
Does This Make Me Look Gentle? |
1.2203 |
0.04683 |
118 |
97 |
16 |
5 |
1313 |
The end |
1.2202 |
0.05272 |
109 |
92 |
10 |
7 |
1314 |
you're just not that scary |
1.2202 |
0.04582 |
109 |
88 |
18 |
3 |
1315 |
Humans were extinct millions of years ago!
Stop playing with their toys!! |
1.2202 |
0.05108 |
109 |
91 |
12 |
6 |
1316 |
‘Blinded by the light’…wait, what? No, that can’t be the next lyric. |
1.2202 |
0.04764 |
109 |
89 |
16 |
4 |
1317 |
Then I took my human form and became president |
1.2202 |
0.05272 |
109 |
92 |
10 |
7 |
1318 |
Don't beat around the bush, just tell me if I really look extinct |
1.2200 |
0.05238 |
100 |
83 |
12 |
5 |
1319 |
Is that what he was holding when you ate him? |
1.2200 |
0.05238 |
100 |
83 |
12 |
5 |
1320 |
Your face is gonna freeze like that forever. |
1.2195 |
0.04835 |
123 |
103 |
13 |
7 |
1321 |
[...] then, the monsters heard a horrifying voice that said: "babe, can you pass me the marshmallows?" |
1.2195 |
0.04088 |
123 |
98 |
23 |
2 |
1322 |
After the knock at the door a voice spoke "This is the IRS, you're being audited" |
1.2193 |
0.04946 |
114 |
95 |
13 |
6 |
1323 |
But it seems that the major extinction event was coming from INSIDE the house! |
1.2193 |
0.04622 |
114 |
93 |
17 |
4 |
1324 |
...and just like that, Social Security, gas stoves, history books, and common sense were lost forever. |
1.2193 |
0.04946 |
114 |
95 |
13 |
6 |
1325 |
And then the Fed raised interest rates to six percent. |
1.2193 |
0.04787 |
114 |
94 |
15 |
5 |
1326 |
Do I look normal and non-threatening when I do this?? |
1.2190 |
0.05577 |
105 |
90 |
7 |
8 |
1327 |
and that's when he noticed a tiny arm reaching for him! |
1.2190 |
0.05060 |
105 |
87 |
13 |
5 |
1328 |
Suddenly the sheets moved and a face appeared from over the bed. IT WAS A LITTLE BOY! |
1.2190 |
0.05238 |
105 |
88 |
11 |
6 |
1329 |
OMG! It makes you look like a monster, when the light is right under your face! |
1.2190 |
0.04684 |
105 |
85 |
17 |
3 |
1330 |
your feet scare me more than the story |
1.2188 |
0.04428 |
128 |
105 |
18 |
5 |
1331 |
any extinct stories? |
1.2188 |
0.04565 |
128 |
106 |
16 |
6 |
1332 |
Don't shine the light up like that.
It makes you look like a monster! |
1.2188 |
0.04953 |
128 |
109 |
10 |
9 |
1333 |
No! Surely a killer comet is scarier than an asteroid? |
1.2185 |
0.03987 |
119 |
94 |
24 |
1 |
1334 |
Dude, you're already a monster what's the flashlight supposed to do? |
1.2185 |
0.04491 |
119 |
97 |
18 |
4 |
1335 |
And then, a giant asteroid appeared in the sky... |
1.2185 |
0.04647 |
119 |
98 |
16 |
5 |
1336 |
...and years later they dig up your corpse to put on DISPLAY! |
1.2185 |
0.04944 |
119 |
100 |
12 |
7 |
1337 |
You're right, these dragon costumes do make scary stories scarier. |
1.2183 |
0.04370 |
142 |
118 |
17 |
7 |
1338 |
So once upon a time there was an asteroid |
1.2183 |
0.04370 |
142 |
118 |
17 |
7 |
1339 |
And THIS is why you should always brush. |
1.2182 |
0.04545 |
110 |
89 |
18 |
3 |
1340 |
Enough with the flashlight. This “no sun” thing really has me spooked. |
1.2180 |
0.04314 |
133 |
109 |
19 |
5 |
1341 |
Sometimes you never know a person until you go camping with them. |
1.2178 |
0.05190 |
101 |
84 |
12 |
5 |
1342 |
Oh, wow! For a second there you looked like a human!! |
1.2174 |
0.04749 |
115 |
95 |
15 |
5 |
1343 |
For the last time, no I do not know what anachronistic means and the dictionary won't be invented for centuries. |
1.2174 |
0.04240 |
115 |
92 |
21 |
2 |
1344 |
Jurassic Park - After Dark |
1.2174 |
0.04585 |
115 |
94 |
17 |
4 |
1345 |
O.K., who's dead? |
1.2174 |
0.04585 |
115 |
94 |
17 |
4 |
1346 |
Do I have hobbit in my teeth? |
1.2174 |
0.04749 |
115 |
95 |
15 |
5 |
1347 |
And then the human ATE the laundry pod! |
1.2174 |
0.04749 |
115 |
95 |
15 |
5 |
1348 |
The asteroid was coming from within the atmosphere! |
1.2174 |
0.04585 |
115 |
94 |
17 |
4 |
1349 |
These ghost stories do dragon |
1.2174 |
0.04749 |
115 |
95 |
15 |
5 |
1350 |
...and they called him Godzilla! |
1.2174 |
0.04585 |
115 |
94 |
17 |
4 |
1351 |
I want to wake up in a city that never sleeps, and find that I’m king of the hill |
1.2171 |
0.04397 |
129 |
106 |
18 |
5 |
1352 |
Turn that off! You're going to attract Mothra. |
1.2171 |
0.04664 |
129 |
108 |
14 |
7 |
1353 |
You still have some camper stuck in your teeth. |
1.2170 |
0.05193 |
106 |
89 |
11 |
6 |
1354 |
Wait, how many dinosaurs came out to play? |
1.2170 |
0.04447 |
106 |
85 |
19 |
2 |
1355 |
Watch carefully as I exhale. |
1.2170 |
0.05017 |
106 |
88 |
13 |
5 |
1356 |
And that's when he realized he wasn't in Tokyo ... he was in Tampa! |
1.2170 |
0.04447 |
106 |
85 |
19 |
2 |
1357 |
Stop it, Glen, you're scaring the eggs. |
1.2170 |
0.04834 |
106 |
87 |
15 |
4 |
1358 |
I'd rather you light my fire. |
1.2170 |
0.05193 |
106 |
89 |
11 |
6 |
1359 |
…dude asteroid jokes aren’t cool man |
1.2170 |
0.04834 |
106 |
87 |
15 |
4 |
1360 |
And when exactly did St. George get a flashlight? |
1.2167 |
0.04611 |
120 |
99 |
16 |
5 |
1361 |
When you do that it makes me realize how much better looking I am than you. |
1.2167 |
0.04761 |
120 |
100 |
14 |
6 |
1362 |
Invis-a-lign! Get it? |
1.2167 |
0.04131 |
120 |
96 |
22 |
2 |
1363 |
And that's the story of how the evil humans destroyed the earth! |
1.2167 |
0.04611 |
120 |
99 |
16 |
5 |
1364 |
How do I take a selfie with this thing? |
1.2165 |
0.05124 |
97 |
80 |
13 |
4 |
1365 |
See my teeth, I ate a Dentist today. |
1.2165 |
0.05124 |
97 |
80 |
13 |
4 |
1366 |
Okay, okay. You’re very scary now, alright? |
1.2165 |
0.05528 |
97 |
82 |
9 |
6 |
1367 |
You've never looked better. |
1.2165 |
0.04687 |
97 |
78 |
17 |
2 |
1368 |
And here’s an old classic from the Jurassic… |
1.2165 |
0.05124 |
97 |
80 |
13 |
4 |
1369 |
And then the big meteor got closer and closer ... |
1.2162 |
0.04858 |
111 |
92 |
14 |
5 |
1370 |
Omigod, you look like a human! |
1.2162 |
0.04322 |
111 |
89 |
20 |
2 |
1371 |
And there stood Big Foot! |
1.2162 |
0.04128 |
111 |
88 |
22 |
1 |
1372 |
Buzzingaaa!! |
1.2162 |
0.04686 |
111 |
91 |
16 |
4 |
1373 |
It came out of the scary tent—head, two arms, two legs, and it walked upright. |
1.2162 |
0.04858 |
111 |
92 |
14 |
5 |
1374 |
And then a giant asteroid wipes us all out! |
1.2162 |
0.04686 |
111 |
91 |
16 |
4 |
1375 |
...and then humans take over the earth. |
1.2162 |
0.04508 |
111 |
90 |
18 |
3 |
1376 |
Okay, that's going to give me nightmares for a millennium. |
1.2162 |
0.04322 |
111 |
89 |
20 |
2 |
1377 |
…and they will sell chicken nuggets shaped like us. |
1.2162 |
0.05023 |
111 |
93 |
12 |
6 |
1378 |
Sure, you look scary. But Tokyo it ain't. |
1.2160 |
0.04484 |
125 |
103 |
17 |
5 |
1379 |
Hey, Vegas, it's great to be back! |
1.2160 |
0.04338 |
125 |
102 |
19 |
4 |
1380 |
...and then he called for his dad to check under the bed! |
1.2157 |
0.04751 |
102 |
83 |
16 |
3 |
1381 |
And this light suddenly appeared in the sky and got bigger and brighter, BIGGER AND BRIGHTER, and then … |
1.2157 |
0.04951 |
102 |
84 |
14 |
4 |
1382 |
And then they use this light when the fire goes out |
1.2157 |
0.04751 |
102 |
83 |
16 |
3 |
1383 |
And you don’t have to plug it in. |
1.2157 |
0.04751 |
102 |
83 |
16 |
3 |
1384 |
And suddenly, a huge fire rock appeared in the sky! |
1.2157 |
0.04751 |
102 |
83 |
16 |
3 |
1385 |
I always look better in the dark. |
1.2155 |
0.04550 |
116 |
95 |
17 |
4 |
1386 |
“The last time I ate one of our own kind was around a campfire just like this …” he began his story with a dinosaur-devil face . |
1.2155 |
0.04207 |
116 |
93 |
21 |
2 |
1387 |
Here’s a great scary story. An asteroid hits the earth, leads to a mass extinction that kills off all the dinosaurs. What a crock! |
1.2155 |
0.04382 |
116 |
94 |
19 |
3 |
1388 |
I find fire with big light, no heat. |
1.2150 |
0.04793 |
107 |
88 |
15 |
4 |
1389 |
I think it was better when we breathed the only fire. |
1.2150 |
0.04793 |
107 |
88 |
15 |
4 |
1390 |
We're not alone. |
1.2150 |
0.04605 |
107 |
87 |
17 |
3 |
1391 |
…Maaaarjorie Taaaaaylor Greeeeene! |
1.2150 |
0.04793 |
107 |
88 |
15 |
4 |
1392 |
A Caveman taught me this move. |
1.2149 |
0.04265 |
121 |
98 |
20 |
3 |
1393 |
Yes, I think whitening strips will make a big improvement. |
1.2149 |
0.04265 |
121 |
98 |
20 |
3 |
1394 |
Ha! I'm brighter than you! |
1.2149 |
0.04424 |
121 |
99 |
18 |
4 |
1395 |
But… the asteroid *didn’t* miss Earth as expected! |
1.2143 |
0.04648 |
112 |
92 |
16 |
4 |
1396 |
... and they realized the sounds of the child were coming from on top of the bed! |
1.2143 |
0.04644 |
98 |
79 |
17 |
2 |
1397 |
YES, I SEE THE CAVITY NOW. |
1.2143 |
0.04865 |
98 |
80 |
15 |
3 |
1398 |
And then the human said: let's do taxes. |
1.2143 |
0.05280 |
98 |
82 |
11 |
5 |
1399 |
Your stories are so out of date! |
1.2143 |
0.04644 |
98 |
79 |
17 |
2 |
1400 |
And then, after the killer asteroid, came the real destroyer ... HOMO SAPIENS! |
1.2143 |
0.04865 |
98 |
80 |
15 |
3 |
1401 |
Yes, I am out of batteries AGAIN. |
1.2143 |
0.04818 |
112 |
93 |
14 |
5 |
1402 |
And then this huge asteroid appeared across the sky… |
1.2143 |
0.04592 |
126 |
105 |
15 |
6 |
1403 |
The hitchhiker had vanished! And only her puff of smoke remained. |
1.2137 |
0.04675 |
117 |
97 |
15 |
5 |
1404 |
One of the archaeologists dropped it. |
1.2137 |
0.04514 |
117 |
96 |
17 |
4 |
1405 |
And all anyone ever found of them were fossils.. |
1.2137 |
0.04675 |
117 |
97 |
15 |
5 |
1406 |
And then they turn them into purses! |
1.2137 |
0.04830 |
117 |
98 |
13 |
6 |
1407 |
. . . And then Human Beings took over the planet! |
1.2137 |
0.04348 |
117 |
95 |
19 |
3 |
1408 |
Look! Forty years later and I'm still immature. |
1.2136 |
0.04907 |
103 |
85 |
14 |
4 |
1409 |
Woe-ho! I'm a meteor landing in Mexico! |
1.2136 |
0.04907 |
103 |
85 |
14 |
4 |
1410 |
And they lived raptory ever after. |
1.2136 |
0.04709 |
103 |
84 |
16 |
3 |
1411 |
I don't get, is this supposed to be scary? |
1.2136 |
0.04907 |
103 |
85 |
14 |
4 |
1412 |
I’m a caveman. I discovered fire. I’m top of the food chain |
1.2133 |
0.04187 |
150 |
125 |
18 |
7 |
1413 |
Sure, Man discovered fire, but I invented the flashlight. |
1.2131 |
0.04831 |
122 |
103 |
12 |
7 |
1414 |
And to this day...no one knows where he's buried |
1.2131 |
0.04831 |
122 |
103 |
12 |
7 |
1415 |
For God’s sake, Frank, put that thing away. You’re ugly enough as it is. |
1.2130 |
0.04931 |
108 |
90 |
13 |
5 |
1416 |
...and then the human jumped up behind me and screamed 'SELFIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!' |
1.2130 |
0.04931 |
108 |
90 |
13 |
5 |
1417 |
And then he ripped off his own face, and inside was a human the whole time! |
1.2130 |
0.04373 |
108 |
87 |
19 |
2 |
1418 |
And the meteor came closer and CLOSER!! |
1.2130 |
0.04753 |
108 |
89 |
15 |
4 |
1419 |
You keep that up, your face will stay that way. |
1.2128 |
0.05427 |
94 |
79 |
10 |
5 |
1420 |
Stop clowning and get the marshmallows. |
1.2128 |
0.05212 |
94 |
78 |
12 |
4 |
1421 |
... and the police sergeant said, 'We traced the lizard skin handbags - they're made inside the house. Get out!' |
1.2126 |
0.04694 |
127 |
107 |
13 |
7 |
1422 |
Legend has it that our days here are numbered! |
1.2126 |
0.04559 |
127 |
106 |
15 |
6 |
1423 |
So we died too? |
1.2126 |
0.04127 |
127 |
103 |
21 |
3 |
1424 |
This IS my scary face. |
1.2124 |
0.04611 |
113 |
93 |
16 |
4 |
1425 |
So there was this T-Rex with a hook for a hand... |
1.2124 |
0.04779 |
113 |
94 |
14 |
5 |
1426 |
And stealthily, the cowardly Saint George crrreppppt up on the sweetly sleeping innocent dragon . . . |
1.2124 |
0.04611 |
113 |
93 |
16 |
4 |
1427 |
And someday your bones will be on display in a museum. |
1.2124 |
0.04779 |
113 |
94 |
14 |
5 |
1428 |
You'll perish in a firey BANG. And at the Smithsonian, they won't even charge people to see your bones. |
1.2124 |
0.04436 |
113 |
92 |
18 |
3 |
1429 |
That last paleontologist gave me heartburn |
1.2124 |
0.04779 |
113 |
94 |
14 |
5 |
1430 |
And.....
Then they said no more social security ! |
1.2121 |
0.05030 |
99 |
82 |
13 |
4 |
1431 |
…And now a word from our sponsor. |
1.2121 |
0.04602 |
99 |
80 |
17 |
2 |
1432 |
Am I scary or what ! |
1.2121 |
0.05030 |
99 |
82 |
13 |
4 |
1433 |
OMG! How scary! I thought you looked like a human! |
1.2119 |
0.04315 |
118 |
96 |
19 |
3 |
1434 |
Yes, I said you're not very bright but that doesn't help. |
1.2115 |
0.04668 |
104 |
85 |
16 |
3 |
1435 |
When is it my turn to use the flashlight and show off my teeth? |
1.2115 |
0.04864 |
104 |
86 |
14 |
4 |
1436 |
I am telling a joke! |
1.2115 |
0.05053 |
104 |
87 |
12 |
5 |
1437 |
Still carrying a torch for me “ |
1.2115 |
0.04668 |
104 |
85 |
16 |
3 |
1438 |
Yes, your dentist did a great job, but how much did you pay? |
1.2115 |
0.04464 |
104 |
84 |
18 |
2 |
1439 |
Egad! Then what did St.
George do? |
1.2115 |
0.04864 |
104 |
86 |
14 |
4 |
1440 |
…and then the human crawled out from under the bed. What happens next will blow your mind… |
1.2115 |
0.05234 |
104 |
88 |
10 |
6 |
1441 |
Hunting humans is easy...I do this and they just drop dead!! |
1.2114 |
0.04358 |
123 |
101 |
18 |
4 |
1442 |
Were batteries included? |
1.2110 |
0.04337 |
109 |
88 |
19 |
2 |
1443 |
They checked the nest, and... the horror! There, newly hatched before them, a purple vegan singing dinosaur, immaculately conceived by the imagination of children! |
1.2110 |
0.04529 |
109 |
89 |
17 |
3 |
1444 |
Arrrggggh...I'm a Person! |
1.2110 |
0.04529 |
109 |
89 |
17 |
3 |
1445 |
Suddenly, everyone got obsessed with a show about wealthy people in luxury resorts with a hefty dose of betrayal, sex, drugs, and murder. That’s how we became irrelevant on tv shows… |
1.2110 |
0.04713 |
109 |
90 |
15 |
4 |
1446 |
Never have I ever drunk a craft beer. |
1.2105 |
0.04463 |
95 |
76 |
18 |
1 |
1447 |
That works on the kids, Karl, but you don’t frighten me. |
1.2105 |
0.04032 |
114 |
91 |
22 |
1 |
1448 |
Being a Republican, I am only trying to keep you in fear |
1.2105 |
0.04740 |
114 |
95 |
14 |
5 |
1449 |
...suddenly this huge flaming rock pierces our atmosphere and click, lights out. |
1.2105 |
0.04032 |
114 |
91 |
22 |
1 |
1450 |
I assure you. There's nothing in your teeth. |
1.2105 |
0.04740 |
114 |
95 |
14 |
5 |
1451 |
I don't think we can cook with it but I love how flattering it is on my face. |
1.2105 |
0.04708 |
95 |
77 |
16 |
2 |
1452 |
And then—the latest ‘Jurassic Park’ sequel went straight-to-streaming! |
1.2105 |
0.04940 |
95 |
78 |
14 |
3 |
1453 |
And just when you thought it was finally over, they started a whole new franchise called Jurassic WORLD! |
1.2101 |
0.04418 |
138 |
116 |
15 |
7 |
1454 |
I know you're trying, Roger, but I'm just not terrified. |
1.2101 |
0.04445 |
119 |
98 |
17 |
4 |
1455 |
Phil, are there any campers stuck in my teeth? |
1.2101 |
0.04603 |
119 |
99 |
15 |
5 |
1456 |
I think you've just invented the selfie. |
1.2100 |
0.04984 |
100 |
83 |
13 |
4 |
1457 |
And when he turned around, there was a giant robot copy of himself!!! |
1.2100 |
0.04984 |
100 |
83 |
13 |
4 |
1458 |
Check this! Do I look like Godzilla? |
1.2100 |
0.04777 |
100 |
82 |
15 |
3 |
1459 |
…and there’s a bunny that just keeps going and going. |
1.2097 |
0.04172 |
124 |
101 |
20 |
3 |
1460 |
And then, hurtling out of the night ski was a fire ball like no one has ever seen!
What happened next? |
1.2097 |
0.04172 |
124 |
101 |
20 |
3 |
1461 |
And in the morning... I'm making waffles! |
1.2097 |
0.04326 |
124 |
102 |
18 |
4 |
1462 |
Gerald, I think we need to talk about our divorce. |
1.2095 |
0.04426 |
105 |
85 |
18 |
2 |
1463 |
Isn't this more fun than
Dungeons and Dragons? |
1.2095 |
0.04628 |
105 |
86 |
16 |
3 |
1464 |
If man is a monster, I have a monster inside of me. |
1.2095 |
0.04426 |
105 |
85 |
18 |
2 |
1465 |
and a giant rock headed this way. |
1.2095 |
0.04822 |
105 |
87 |
14 |
4 |
1466 |
Stop shaking, climate change is a just a myth. |
1.2095 |
0.05008 |
105 |
88 |
12 |
5 |
1467 |
And then they put your bones into a museum for groups of children to fart on |
1.2095 |
0.04628 |
105 |
86 |
16 |
3 |
1468 |
How have you been affected by cancelation? |
1.2093 |
0.04494 |
129 |
108 |
15 |
6 |
1469 |
Crap, marshmallows are still a million years away... |
1.2091 |
0.04492 |
110 |
90 |
17 |
3 |
1470 |
Asteroid stories again? |
1.2091 |
0.04674 |
110 |
91 |
15 |
4 |
1471 |
'"So then he ghosted me." |
1.2091 |
0.04849 |
110 |
92 |
13 |
5 |
1472 |
Do I have a survival skills badge stuck in my teeth? |
1.2091 |
0.04849 |
110 |
92 |
13 |
5 |
1473 |
By the time I sing 'Don't Rain on My Parade,' they'll have forgotten Barbra completely. |
1.2091 |
0.04492 |
110 |
90 |
17 |
3 |
1474 |
With those looks we'll never survive. |
1.2091 |
0.04302 |
110 |
89 |
19 |
2 |
1475 |
And that, dear boy, is why the first Tyrannosauruses became rextinct. |
1.2091 |
0.04492 |
110 |
90 |
17 |
3 |
1476 |
Oh, dear. Go for back lighting. |
1.2091 |
0.05018 |
110 |
93 |
11 |
6 |
1477 |
Maybe man invented fire, but look at what I invented! |
1.2087 |
0.04537 |
115 |
95 |
16 |
4 |
1478 |
And the whole park was full of HUMANS |
1.2087 |
0.04537 |
115 |
95 |
16 |
4 |
1479 |
And then, after thousands of years, they'll dig up your body and turn it into single-use toothpicks! |
1.2087 |
0.04537 |
115 |
95 |
16 |
4 |
1480 |
And then the spooky comet made the Chicxulub crater |
1.2087 |
0.04862 |
115 |
97 |
12 |
6 |
1481 |
Like usual, his short arms were of no use. |
1.2087 |
0.04703 |
115 |
96 |
14 |
5 |
1482 |
And I see Sasquatch and I go like "Boo"! |
1.2087 |
0.04366 |
115 |
94 |
18 |
3 |
1483 |
It was a bright and balmy day... |
1.2087 |
0.04862 |
115 |
97 |
12 |
6 |
1484 |
It's from the future! |
1.2087 |
0.04366 |
115 |
94 |
18 |
3 |
1485 |
This motherfucker. |
1.2083 |
0.04865 |
120 |
102 |
11 |
7 |
1486 |
... and then, out of the woods, came a pack of Cub Scouts. |
1.2083 |
0.04718 |
120 |
101 |
13 |
6 |
1487 |
One of their better inventions. |
1.2083 |
0.04250 |
120 |
98 |
19 |
3 |
1488 |
And when the light shines in the dragon’s face you could see little bits of Boy Scout in its teeth! |
1.2083 |
0.04568 |
120 |
100 |
15 |
5 |
1489 |
Check this out. We can stop breathing fire |
1.2083 |
0.05322 |
96 |
81 |
10 |
5 |
1490 |
Stop it, Keith, you’re freaking me it. |
1.2079 |
0.04939 |
101 |
84 |
13 |
4 |
1491 |
I'd look a lot scarier with music. |
1.2079 |
0.04734 |
101 |
83 |
15 |
3 |
1492 |
Where do you find batteries for that thing? |
1.2079 |
0.04939 |
101 |
84 |
13 |
4 |
1493 |
…his heart sank… but then he remembered that he was an apex predator and he lived happily ever after. |
1.2079 |
0.04734 |
101 |
83 |
15 |
3 |
1494 |
Okay, but apart from the ability to make fire, the dexterity to make tools and the invention of electricity, what have opposable thumbs ever really given you?” |
1.2079 |
0.05135 |
101 |
85 |
11 |
5 |
1495 |
Well, I can say this. You need to floss more. |
1.2079 |
0.04734 |
101 |
83 |
15 |
3 |
1496 |
And that's how the Jurassic Park came to an end |
1.2079 |
0.04939 |
101 |
84 |
13 |
4 |
1497 |
And this is how you look scary with a flashlight. |
1.2079 |
0.05135 |
101 |
85 |
11 |
5 |
1498 |
"Tell me another scary story about the mammals. |
1.2079 |
0.04734 |
101 |
83 |
15 |
3 |
1499 |
No Frank, I am not scared. You should know by now I have thicker skin than that! |
1.2079 |
0.05135 |
101 |
85 |
11 |
5 |
1500 |
…and then the big, scary, fiery rock fell from the sky… |
1.2079 |
0.05135 |
101 |
85 |
11 |
5 |
1501 |
And then the wretched creature said, “I’m all out of Thin Mints!” |
1.2079 |
0.04939 |
101 |
84 |
13 |
4 |
1502 |
Oh sure. A giant asteroid will kill us all. Right. |
1.2075 |
0.04965 |
106 |
89 |
12 |
5 |
1503 |
You forgot the bear repellent spray? |
1.2075 |
0.04388 |
106 |
86 |
18 |
2 |
1504 |
You know, ‘Brontosaurus’ is considered racially offensive today. |
1.2075 |
0.04965 |
106 |
89 |
12 |
5 |
1505 |
You are really freaking me out Bret. |
1.2075 |
0.04780 |
106 |
88 |
14 |
4 |
1506 |
Just shine the light under you chin like this. And it scares the hell out of the monsters. |
1.2075 |
0.04589 |
106 |
87 |
16 |
3 |
1507 |
And they were made into chicken nuggets! |
1.2072 |
0.04455 |
111 |
91 |
17 |
3 |
1508 |
And the only thing left of that whole family was a thin silvery trace of iridium. |
1.2072 |
0.04635 |
111 |
92 |
15 |
4 |
1509 |
And then the politicians said, “I’m not a scientist, but rocks don’t just fall from space.” |
1.2072 |
0.04976 |
111 |
94 |
11 |
6 |
1510 |
And then, where the tail was supposed to be, was another tiny arm!!! |
1.2072 |
0.04809 |
111 |
93 |
13 |
5 |
1511 |
It's nice to warm up my face with the light,don't you agree? |
1.2072 |
0.04267 |
111 |
90 |
19 |
2 |
1512 |
Those weren’t functional mushrooms. |
1.2072 |
0.04267 |
111 |
90 |
19 |
2 |
1513 |
STOP!!! It's cold and dark and you're scaring me. |
1.2069 |
0.04332 |
116 |
95 |
18 |
3 |
1514 |
Nothing scarier than the extinction. |
1.2066 |
0.04378 |
121 |
100 |
17 |
4 |
1515 |
Whoa! That meteor hitting the earth story is your scariest one yet. |
1.2066 |
0.04052 |
121 |
98 |
21 |
2 |
1516 |
We need to invent marshmallows for nights like this |
1.2066 |
0.04682 |
121 |
102 |
13 |
6 |
1517 |
Get it? This is the last face you'll see. |
1.2066 |
0.04682 |
121 |
102 |
13 |
6 |
1518 |
And this is the story of Humannosaurus Wrecks. |
1.2066 |
0.04827 |
121 |
103 |
11 |
7 |
1519 |
Then the human said, "Mumm it tastes just like chicken". |
1.2065 |
0.05017 |
92 |
76 |
13 |
3 |
1520 |
And then I saw a human! |
1.2065 |
0.04773 |
92 |
75 |
15 |
2 |
1521 |
Check out my Donald Trump impersonation. |
1.2065 |
0.05250 |
92 |
77 |
11 |
4 |
1522 |
Found this new teeth whitening cream made 'specially for dragons. |
1.2065 |
0.05017 |
92 |
76 |
13 |
3 |
1523 |
Yeah,but no, wait…
Can you hear me now? |
1.2065 |
0.05250 |
92 |
77 |
11 |
4 |
1524 |
Suddenly, a human child’s face appears from ABOVE the bed! |
1.2065 |
0.05473 |
92 |
78 |
9 |
5 |
1525 |
But greater than the fear that made their blood run hot was the fear they would be shamed on social media. |
1.2065 |
0.05017 |
92 |
76 |
13 |
3 |
1526 |
Told you not to eat the dermatologist! |
1.2065 |
0.04773 |
92 |
75 |
15 |
2 |
1527 |
This is one of the reasons she broke up with you. |
1.2065 |
0.05687 |
92 |
79 |
7 |
6 |
1528 |
Oh puh-lease! That gag is prehistoric… |
1.2062 |
0.04847 |
97 |
80 |
14 |
3 |
1529 |
Tell me more terrifying human stories dad! |
1.2062 |
0.05271 |
97 |
82 |
10 |
5 |
1530 |
Helen! It’s me—Murray. |
1.2062 |
0.05064 |
97 |
81 |
12 |
4 |
1531 |
I think we've finally found a way to look scary. |
1.2062 |
0.04847 |
97 |
80 |
14 |
3 |
1532 |
Yes yes, the Invisalign works so well, it IS scary. |
1.2061 |
0.04562 |
131 |
111 |
13 |
7 |
1533 |
George was no saint. |
1.2059 |
0.04692 |
102 |
84 |
15 |
3 |
1534 |
And then they put me in Jurassic Park. |
1.2059 |
0.04894 |
102 |
85 |
13 |
4 |
1535 |
Don't worry. We can roast marshmallows even if the fire goes out. |
1.2059 |
0.05276 |
102 |
87 |
9 |
6 |
1536 |
…ad then we were all transformed into oil that bipedal monkeys used to cook the planet! |
1.2059 |
0.04692 |
102 |
84 |
15 |
3 |
1537 |
We're BOTH dragons, remember? |
1.2059 |
0.04894 |
102 |
85 |
13 |
4 |
1538 |
And then out of nowhere came this meteor. |
1.2059 |
0.04480 |
102 |
83 |
17 |
2 |
1539 |
Then, after the meteor struck the world was taken over by two legged mammals who tried to destroy what was left!" |
1.2059 |
0.04894 |
102 |
85 |
13 |
4 |
1540 |
And then KaaaaPOW! We were all replaced by little bipeds with hideous loooong arms. |
1.2056 |
0.04739 |
107 |
89 |
14 |
4 |
1541 |
We should probably put out the fire as we are the last of our kind, don't ya think ?? |
1.2056 |
0.04739 |
107 |
89 |
14 |
4 |
1542 |
Not to be rude, but can you see if I have some of that ichthyologist stuck between my teeth? |
1.2056 |
0.04739 |
107 |
89 |
14 |
4 |
1543 |
Don't kid yourself. It gives a fiercely brighter smile. |
1.2056 |
0.04550 |
107 |
88 |
16 |
3 |
1544 |
He was a hardworking immigrant — they took one look and ran screaming, ‘Ahhhh, it’s Godzilla!’ |
1.2054 |
0.04419 |
112 |
92 |
17 |
3 |
1545 |
...and then the meteors rained down everywhere! |
1.2054 |
0.04419 |
112 |
92 |
17 |
3 |
1546 |
Once upon a time,there was a meteor |
1.2051 |
0.04298 |
117 |
96 |
18 |
3 |
1547 |
Aging feet are a bitch. |
1.2051 |
0.04298 |
117 |
96 |
18 |
3 |
1548 |
Quit goofing off! If those batteries go dead we'll see who's scared! |
1.2051 |
0.04298 |
117 |
96 |
18 |
3 |
1549 |
Why did you name it, “Flashlight?” |
1.2051 |
0.04629 |
117 |
98 |
14 |
5 |
1550 |
…George Martin quit writing and nobody ever worked again |
1.2051 |
0.04629 |
117 |
98 |
14 |
5 |
1551 |
As the smoke cleared, the terrible face appeared. It was the Master Dragon Slayer- GEORGE SANTOS! |
1.2049 |
0.04346 |
122 |
101 |
17 |
4 |
1552 |
It was a knight a lot like this knight... |
1.2049 |
0.04499 |
122 |
102 |
15 |
5 |
1553 |
No, you're thinking of The Blair Witch Project. Bruce Willis was in the The Sixth Sense. |
1.2047 |
0.04519 |
127 |
107 |
14 |
6 |
1554 |
Be honest. Do I look scary or just silly? |
1.2047 |
0.04233 |
127 |
105 |
18 |
4 |
1555 |
I thought we discovered light until I found this thing. |
1.2043 |
0.05198 |
93 |
78 |
11 |
4 |
1556 |
You mean you prefer our old mating ritual? |
1.2043 |
0.05418 |
93 |
79 |
9 |
5 |
1557 |
So is this the glamping part of the trip? |
1.2043 |
0.04727 |
93 |
76 |
15 |
2 |
1558 |
Fred, you don’t need the flashlight to look scary: You’re a dragon. |
1.2043 |
0.04968 |
93 |
77 |
13 |
3 |
1559 |
Don't, please. You look too much like yourself. |
1.2041 |
0.05222 |
98 |
83 |
10 |
5 |
1560 |
He did the mash. He did the... |
1.2041 |
0.04802 |
98 |
81 |
14 |
3 |
1561 |
I think you had one too many roasted peasants. |
1.2041 |
0.04577 |
98 |
80 |
16 |
2 |
1562 |
Hunter-Gatherer Stories! |
1.2041 |
0.04802 |
98 |
81 |
14 |
3 |
1563 |
What are batteries ? |
1.2041 |
0.05222 |
98 |
83 |
10 |
5 |
1564 |
Oh relax, it's just a helicopter. |
1.2039 |
0.04851 |
103 |
86 |
13 |
4 |
1565 |
I don’t know the end of the story.
This is when I ate him. |
1.2039 |
0.04441 |
103 |
84 |
17 |
2 |
1566 |
Bad lighting, the scariest thing of all. |
1.2039 |
0.04441 |
103 |
84 |
17 |
2 |
1567 |
Hands on the wheel!” yelled the police officer. |
1.2039 |
0.04650 |
103 |
85 |
15 |
3 |
1568 |
THAT vegetarian meal was delish! Any bones stuck in my teeth? |
1.2039 |
0.05407 |
103 |
89 |
7 |
7 |
1569 |
This story's called "The very scary meteorite". |
1.2039 |
0.04851 |
103 |
86 |
13 |
4 |
1570 |
And then a big rock hit the planet and wiped us all out. |
1.2039 |
0.04441 |
103 |
84 |
17 |
2 |
1571 |
Fire, schmire, I still think they taste better raw. |
1.2039 |
0.05228 |
103 |
88 |
9 |
6 |
1572 |
Stop joking around, there's an asteroid coming! |
1.2039 |
0.05043 |
103 |
87 |
11 |
5 |
1573 |
"Am I the light of your life? |
1.2039 |
0.04441 |
103 |
84 |
17 |
2 |
1574 |
And then they chose an orange to be their leader. |
1.2039 |
0.05043 |
103 |
87 |
11 |
5 |
1575 |
You just farted, didn't you. |
1.2037 |
0.04699 |
108 |
90 |
14 |
4 |
1576 |
And then, the monster turned out to be a... meteor! |
1.2037 |
0.04699 |
108 |
90 |
14 |
4 |
1577 |
And when they do this, that's when you jump out of the bushes! |
1.2037 |
0.04511 |
108 |
89 |
16 |
3 |
1578 |
But Democrats, upon learning the Republicans had nominated Trump once again, realized they no choice but to vote for Biden. |
1.2037 |
0.04880 |
108 |
91 |
12 |
5 |
1579 |
The next day, they found the Tokyo Tower hanging on the car door! |
1.2037 |
0.04511 |
108 |
89 |
16 |
3 |
1580 |
Whoa! That's even scarier than your Madonna impression. |
1.2035 |
0.04199 |
113 |
92 |
19 |
2 |
1581 |
It is just not quite the same as when we breathed fire to scare them. |
1.2035 |
0.04730 |
113 |
95 |
13 |
5 |
1582 |
But this move had that gorilla climbing the wall. |
1.2035 |
0.04560 |
113 |
94 |
15 |
4 |
1583 |
…and one day…they will use our dead bodies… as fuel |
1.2035 |
0.04730 |
113 |
95 |
13 |
5 |
1584 |
And they say that if you listen closely on a night just like tonight, you can still hear the sobs of parents who named their children Daenerys. |
1.2035 |
0.04560 |
113 |
94 |
15 |
4 |
1585 |
This is what that scary kid looked like before I ate him. |
1.2034 |
0.04432 |
118 |
98 |
16 |
4 |
1586 |
And after taking a bite of the human, he realized it was... a VEGAN! |
1.2034 |
0.04432 |
118 |
98 |
16 |
4 |
1587 |
Your fossil fuel got nothin' on my long-lasting battery-powered flashlight. |
1.2034 |
0.04593 |
118 |
99 |
14 |
5 |
1588 |
And then she found out the calls were coming from inside the house! |
1.2033 |
0.04313 |
123 |
102 |
17 |
4 |
1589 |
Tell me another story, Puff! |
1.2022 |
0.05099 |
89 |
74 |
12 |
3 |
1590 |
And then, they won’t even catch their food. They get groceries. |
1.2021 |
0.05574 |
94 |
81 |
7 |
6 |
1591 |
Suddenly he realized his arms were too short to lift the carcass! |
1.2021 |
0.04682 |
94 |
77 |
15 |
2 |
1592 |
Just relax you are adorable.” |
1.2021 |
0.04682 |
94 |
77 |
15 |
2 |
1593 |
I don't know what was scarier, your ghost story or your people story. |
1.2021 |
0.04920 |
94 |
78 |
13 |
3 |
1594 |
And then, Karen demanded to speak to ... a manager! |
1.2020 |
0.04758 |
99 |
82 |
14 |
3 |
1595 |
Eh, I don’t know if I believe that asteroid dust would change the global climate. |
1.2020 |
0.04758 |
99 |
82 |
14 |
3 |
1596 |
For starters, there are these things called humans … |
1.2020 |
0.05173 |
99 |
84 |
10 |
5 |
1597 |
Do you know the origin story of that aggressive T-Rex in Jurassic Park? Well, I’ll tell you the tea. |
1.2020 |
0.04536 |
99 |
81 |
16 |
2 |
1598 |
Where did you get that thing? You know, it doesn't make you look any better. |
1.2019 |
0.04402 |
104 |
85 |
17 |
2 |
1599 |
No more puffing the magic dragon. |
1.2019 |
0.04609 |
104 |
86 |
15 |
3 |
1600 |
Save your breath! |
1.2019 |
0.04808 |
104 |
87 |
13 |
4 |
1601 |
...and then the meteors came down. |
1.2019 |
0.04185 |
104 |
84 |
19 |
1 |
1602 |
And then they smile and laugh... LIKE THIS! |
1.2019 |
0.04808 |
104 |
87 |
13 |
4 |
1603 |
Three Mesozoics walk into a bar".. |
1.2019 |
0.04609 |
104 |
86 |
15 |
3 |
1604 |
It’s funny but I don’t think this will be a successful invention because it’s just light, it doesn’t get warm and you can’t use it for barbecue… |
1.2019 |
0.04998 |
104 |
88 |
11 |
5 |
1605 |
And then, an asteroid hit Earth. |
1.2018 |
0.03862 |
109 |
87 |
22 |
0 |
1606 |
Don’t you think it’s time we evolve into something better. |
1.2018 |
0.04660 |
109 |
91 |
14 |
4 |
1607 |
Now that’s scary! |
1.2018 |
0.04660 |
109 |
91 |
14 |
4 |
1608 |
It was a dark and stormy night. High above, a giant asteroid silently approached the Earth... |
1.2018 |
0.04839 |
109 |
92 |
12 |
5 |
1609 |
It's a gimmick Reg. Had it on for three hours last night and my Pterodactyl was still raw. |
1.2018 |
0.04280 |
109 |
89 |
18 |
2 |
1610 |
And then Britain was taken over by inbred humans! WoooooOooooh! |
1.2018 |
0.04280 |
109 |
89 |
18 |
2 |
1611 |
Let me know if you've heard this one before. Once there was a spoiled despot named Vladimir Putin . . . |
1.2018 |
0.04839 |
109 |
92 |
12 |
5 |
1612 |
What's really scary, is you always burning the Smores. |
1.2018 |
0.04474 |
109 |
90 |
16 |
3 |
1613 |
Wanna hear the one about the little boy under the bed? |
1.2018 |
0.04839 |
109 |
92 |
12 |
5 |
1614 |
And then they were caught between a rock and a hard place… |
1.2018 |
0.04660 |
109 |
91 |
14 |
4 |
1615 |
I still think we need bear spray. |
1.2018 |
0.04076 |
109 |
88 |
20 |
1 |
1616 |
I call it a ‘Chin Illuminator’. |
1.2018 |
0.04692 |
114 |
96 |
13 |
5 |
1617 |
In the year 65,000,000 |
1.2018 |
0.04166 |
114 |
93 |
19 |
2 |
1618 |
And then the wild things roared their multi-syllabic roars, and gnashed their pale teeth and rolled their bespectacled eyes and showed their opposable thumbs |
1.2017 |
0.04557 |
119 |
100 |
14 |
5 |
1619 |
And then, the humans had to RETURN TO THE OFFICE!! |
1.2016 |
0.04126 |
124 |
102 |
19 |
3 |
1620 |
That's it? A big rock out of the Sky? |
1.2016 |
0.03794 |
124 |
100 |
23 |
1 |
1621 |
I can’t believe you forgot the marshmallows! |
1.2015 |
0.04208 |
134 |
112 |
17 |
5 |
1622 |
And they called him… Donald Trump! Bwaahahaha…. |
1.2000 |
0.04043 |
110 |
89 |
20 |
1 |
1623 |
Here's a story about global warming. |
1.2000 |
0.05125 |
100 |
85 |
10 |
5 |
1624 |
So, next time you look up at the night sky, don't wish for shooting stars -- you might get something far more dangerous! |
1.2000 |
0.04525 |
90 |
73 |
16 |
1 |
1625 |
Look, I'm a shadow puppet. |
1.2000 |
0.04495 |
100 |
82 |
16 |
2 |
1626 |
… and he had a powerful roar and terrifying teeth, but oddly, tiny hands on short little arms. |
1.2000 |
0.04924 |
100 |
84 |
12 |
4 |
1627 |
Before I grabbed him, they thought this was scary! |
1.2000 |
0.05097 |
95 |
80 |
11 |
4 |
1628 |
A chill ran up my tail: it was Smokey the Bear himself. |
1.2000 |
0.04487 |
115 |
96 |
15 |
4 |
1629 |
And then something moved ON TOP OF THE BED. |
1.2000 |
0.04621 |
110 |
92 |
14 |
4 |
1630 |
Do I have anything in my teeth? |
1.2000 |
0.04487 |
115 |
96 |
15 |
4 |
1631 |
Put out that damn light, you'll draw attention to us! |
1.2000 |
0.04924 |
100 |
84 |
12 |
4 |
1632 |
But then, Tokyo launched their fighter jets and drove Godzilla back into the sea! |
1.2000 |
0.04621 |
110 |
92 |
14 |
4 |
1633 |
And then this horrible monster with orange skin and yellow hair emerged from the woods... |
1.2000 |
0.05125 |
100 |
85 |
10 |
5 |
1634 |
Yup, your lipstick is smudged, I'll call make-up. |
1.2000 |
0.04495 |
100 |
82 |
16 |
2 |
1635 |
Suddenly, there was a huge explosion... and the designated survivor was all alone |
1.2000 |
0.04621 |
110 |
92 |
14 |
4 |
1636 |
It’s just me. There are no monsters here! |
1.2000 |
0.04569 |
105 |
87 |
15 |
3 |
1637 |
How many chins do I have? |
1.2000 |
0.05047 |
90 |
75 |
12 |
3 |
1638 |
…and then the Human smiled an evil smile. |
1.2000 |
0.04621 |
110 |
92 |
14 |
4 |
1639 |
And then this God told the new hairy-creatures that they could rule over all the earth and its creatures! |
1.2000 |
0.04389 |
95 |
77 |
17 |
1 |
1640 |
This is my Geroge Santos face! |
1.2000 |
0.04872 |
95 |
79 |
13 |
3 |
1641 |
So, millions of years after the asteroid kills all of us, using us as fossil fuels, kills all living things once again, the circle of death. |
1.2000 |
0.05125 |
100 |
85 |
10 |
5 |
1642 |
...and then suddenly this big rock from the sky came crashing down! |
1.2000 |
0.04389 |
95 |
77 |
17 |
1 |
1643 |
You have a cavity, upper right. |
1.2000 |
0.05097 |
95 |
80 |
11 |
4 |
1644 |
You eat the campers and all their stuff but keep their flashlight,every time.....I just don't get it is all. |
1.2000 |
0.04637 |
95 |
78 |
15 |
2 |
1645 |
Well, this is SCARRYOKE ! |
1.2000 |
0.04924 |
100 |
84 |
12 |
4 |
1646 |
And then, they rebooted Jurassic Park with Chris PRATT! |
1.2000 |
0.05481 |
105 |
92 |
5 |
8 |
1647 |
''Suddenly, a huge ball of fire appeared in the sky, and
started plummeting toward earth...'' |
1.2000 |
0.04714 |
100 |
83 |
14 |
3 |
1648 |
Why do you do that when you know it scares the crap out of me. |
1.2000 |
0.04314 |
115 |
95 |
17 |
3 |
1649 |
Well, if you can get that thing to also give us some heat, I’ll consider going green. |
1.2000 |
0.03945 |
115 |
93 |
21 |
1 |
1650 |
Which way is it to Yellowstone? |
1.2000 |
0.04522 |
120 |
101 |
14 |
5 |
1651 |
You’re a shoo in for Pitch Perfect the Prehistoric version! |
1.2000 |
0.04714 |
100 |
83 |
14 |
3 |
1652 |
Give it up already. You’re just not a scary dinosaur. |
1.2000 |
0.05125 |
100 |
85 |
10 |
5 |
1653 |
Heck, you need a mask. |
1.2000 |
0.04714 |
100 |
83 |
14 |
3 |
1654 |
And then suddenly, out of nowhere came this asteroid! |
1.2000 |
0.04364 |
120 |
100 |
16 |
4 |
1655 |
I just think you were scarier with the braces. |
1.2000 |
0.05047 |
90 |
75 |
12 |
3 |
1656 |
Three guys walk into a bar ... |
1.2000 |
0.04525 |
90 |
73 |
16 |
1 |
1657 |
Nope. I don't see a speck of triceratops in your teeth. |
1.2000 |
0.04364 |
105 |
86 |
17 |
2 |
1658 |
Who says that everyone dies in the paleolithic era? |
1.2000 |
0.04637 |
95 |
78 |
15 |
2 |
1659 |
'All right Mr. DeMille, I'm ready for my closeup.' |
1.2000 |
0.04714 |
100 |
83 |
14 |
3 |
1660 |
'You must buy more cookies!' she shrieked.'" |
1.2000 |
0.04793 |
90 |
74 |
14 |
2 |
1661 |
It’s called the SpaceX Dragon Spacecraft”….. “wait, can you remind me what we identify as again? |
1.2000 |
0.04637 |
95 |
78 |
15 |
2 |
1662 |
I’ve been whitening my teeth - can you tell? |
1.2000 |
0.04637 |
95 |
78 |
15 |
2 |
1663 |
And her remains were reincarnated as a relatively inefficient fuel for small motor powered vehicles |
1.2000 |
0.05136 |
105 |
90 |
9 |
6 |
1664 |
Don't be afraid," the bigger human told the small one. "Dinosaurs are extinct! |
1.1985 |
0.04115 |
131 |
109 |
18 |
4 |
1665 |
Turn off that light, Harold. Sasquatch might see us. |
1.1984 |
0.04367 |
126 |
106 |
15 |
5 |
1666 |
Turn it off, Reggie, it does nothing to soften your ugliness! |
1.1983 |
0.04487 |
121 |
102 |
14 |
5 |
1667 |
MAGA! |
1.1983 |
0.04638 |
121 |
103 |
12 |
6 |
1668 |
I don't know what a car is either, Doris. But just go with me on this. 'The couple is in the car parked in the dark forest and they hear three taps on the roof....' |
1.1983 |
0.04331 |
121 |
101 |
16 |
4 |
1669 |
Can you cook with that? |
1.1983 |
0.04487 |
121 |
102 |
14 |
5 |
1670 |
Does it make me look human" |
1.1983 |
0.04280 |
116 |
96 |
17 |
3 |
1671 |
But instead of a claw… it was a human hand! |
1.1983 |
0.04452 |
116 |
97 |
15 |
4 |
1672 |
In about 65 million years, this will scare the socks off you. |
1.1983 |
0.04617 |
116 |
98 |
13 |
5 |
1673 |
And then...a ball of fire SMASHES into the earth, wiping us out! |
1.1982 |
0.04582 |
111 |
93 |
14 |
4 |
1674 |
Turn off that light. They say it attracts asteroids. |
1.1982 |
0.04400 |
111 |
92 |
16 |
3 |
1675 |
Let’s light up |
1.1982 |
0.04210 |
111 |
91 |
18 |
2 |
1676 |
I still don't know why they do this. |
1.1982 |
0.04582 |
111 |
93 |
14 |
4 |
1677 |
The ice caps started to melt and then… MICROPLASTICS!” |
1.1982 |
0.04400 |
111 |
92 |
16 |
3 |
1678 |
I wanted to make sure you wouldn't be scared Darling ,it’s only me! |
1.1982 |
0.04210 |
111 |
91 |
18 |
2 |
1679 |
A giant meteor? Really? |
1.1982 |
0.04400 |
111 |
92 |
16 |
3 |
1680 |
That will never work, it doesn't even keep you warm. |
1.1982 |
0.04400 |
111 |
92 |
16 |
3 |
1681 |
And the humans went “ka-Putin” |
1.1981 |
0.04327 |
106 |
87 |
17 |
2 |
1682 |
I see you've whitened your teeth. |
1.1981 |
0.04724 |
106 |
89 |
13 |
4 |
1683 |
And hiding
under the bed it was…an herbivore! |
1.1981 |
0.04530 |
106 |
88 |
15 |
3 |
1684 |
So that’s why there were no humans on the Ark? |
1.1981 |
0.04724 |
106 |
89 |
13 |
4 |
1685 |
What kind of predator are you most afraid of? |
1.1981 |
0.04530 |
106 |
88 |
15 |
3 |
1686 |
To think I used to only date fire breathers. |
1.1981 |
0.04114 |
106 |
86 |
19 |
1 |
1687 |
Once upon a time there was an asteroid far, far away. |
1.1980 |
0.04671 |
101 |
84 |
14 |
3 |
1688 |
Ha! You can't scare the sh* t out of me using the same trick I pulled on you. |
1.1980 |
0.04671 |
101 |
84 |
14 |
3 |
1689 |
Not serious enough you'll need to tone it down to scare Capt. Kirk tomorrow. |
1.1980 |
0.04454 |
101 |
83 |
16 |
2 |
1690 |
Not as scary as the 55-gallon drum with my name on it. |
1.1979 |
0.04826 |
96 |
80 |
13 |
3 |
1691 |
And then the astroid crashed down and wiped everyone out. |
1.1979 |
0.04593 |
96 |
79 |
15 |
2 |
1692 |
...and the vicious killer introduced himself politely as Sir Gallahad. |
1.1979 |
0.04593 |
96 |
79 |
15 |
2 |
1693 |
That's so fire. Drop that mic. |
1.1979 |
0.04088 |
96 |
77 |
19 |
0 |
1694 |
It's skin was smooth and warm to the touch... |
1.1979 |
0.04348 |
96 |
78 |
17 |
1 |
1695 |
That guy on the trail? He showed me this cool trick before I ate him. |
1.1979 |
0.04826 |
96 |
80 |
13 |
3 |
1696 |
I too am missing my old flame. |
1.1979 |
0.05048 |
96 |
81 |
11 |
4 |
1697 |
And the fossils belonged to … Uncle Ted. |
1.1979 |
0.04593 |
96 |
79 |
15 |
2 |
1698 |
Does this flashlight make my face look scary? |
1.1979 |
0.05048 |
96 |
81 |
11 |
4 |
1699 |
...and the kid knew I was under the bed. |
1.1979 |
0.05048 |
96 |
81 |
11 |
4 |
1700 |
Hang on, torches don’t get invented for another one hundred and fifty thousand years yet! |
1.1978 |
0.05234 |
91 |
77 |
10 |
4 |
1701 |
And then these wicked sapiens invented something called a dungeon |
1.1970 |
0.04360 |
132 |
112 |
14 |
6 |
1702 |
And they call it 'evolution.' |
1.1969 |
0.04189 |
127 |
106 |
17 |
4 |
1703 |
Is this better . . . or just cunningly scary? |
1.1967 |
0.04138 |
122 |
101 |
18 |
3 |
1704 |
Humans? They look like Theeees! |
1.1967 |
0.03971 |
122 |
100 |
20 |
2 |
1705 |
Yes, exactly like that girl on tik tok! |
1.1966 |
0.04581 |
117 |
99 |
13 |
5 |
1706 |
Use this. It won't freak them out as much. |
1.1964 |
0.04718 |
112 |
95 |
12 |
5 |
1707 |
It was a dark and stormy epoch” |
1.1964 |
0.04545 |
112 |
94 |
14 |
4 |
1708 |
We're all gonna die, and won't even get credit for fire. |
1.1964 |
0.04545 |
112 |
94 |
14 |
4 |
1709 |
Put another log on the fire dollface, then fetch my slippers for these six frozen toes. |
1.1964 |
0.04545 |
112 |
94 |
14 |
4 |
1710 |
That's cute, but I'd rather have marshmallows. |
1.1963 |
0.04491 |
107 |
89 |
15 |
3 |
1711 |
First I'll warm up with some scales. |
1.1963 |
0.04683 |
107 |
90 |
13 |
4 |
1712 |
You better floss - you have a dental appointment Monday morning |
1.1963 |
0.04290 |
107 |
88 |
17 |
2 |
1713 |
Does it make me look prettier? |
1.1963 |
0.04290 |
107 |
88 |
17 |
2 |
1714 |
It was on sale at tyrannosau "r" us |
1.1963 |
0.04868 |
107 |
91 |
11 |
5 |
1715 |
Hee-hee. l'm a monster. |
1.1961 |
0.04835 |
102 |
86 |
12 |
4 |
1716 |
We found the source of light! |
1.1961 |
0.04835 |
102 |
86 |
12 |
4 |
1717 |
See in there? I want all those amalgam fillings out." |
1.1961 |
0.04629 |
102 |
85 |
14 |
3 |
1718 |
It’s always a dinosaur. |
1.1961 |
0.04415 |
102 |
84 |
16 |
2 |
1719 |
Peace was in the valley and all the people were happy! |
1.1961 |
0.04629 |
102 |
85 |
14 |
3 |
1720 |
The end... is near. |
1.1961 |
0.04415 |
102 |
84 |
16 |
2 |
1721 |
I love these snack bags, they always come with a cool toy surprise! |
1.1961 |
0.05221 |
102 |
88 |
8 |
6 |
1722 |
…and their black, liquified remains were burned to make energy for an insatiable species called ‘humans.’ |
1.1959 |
0.04780 |
97 |
81 |
13 |
3 |
1723 |
And out of nothing... a Meteor! |
1.1959 |
0.05000 |
97 |
82 |
11 |
4 |
1724 |
Dental implants were once only for the wealthy. |
1.1959 |
0.05000 |
97 |
82 |
11 |
4 |
1725 |
We are definitely staying up to watch shooting sta…. |
1.1959 |
0.04550 |
97 |
80 |
15 |
2 |
1726 |
The fire, the moonlight, looking into
your eyes….I lost myself. |
1.1957 |
0.04698 |
92 |
76 |
14 |
2 |
1727 |
I like the 'milk through your nose' trick better. |
1.1954 |
0.04861 |
87 |
72 |
13 |
2 |
1728 |
This is my good side. |
1.1954 |
0.05128 |
87 |
73 |
11 |
3 |
1729 |
No scary story- I'm just here for the s'mores. |
1.1954 |
0.04861 |
87 |
72 |
13 |
2 |
1730 |
It's only climate change, nothing to worry about |
1.1954 |
0.05128 |
87 |
73 |
11 |
3 |
1731 |
Ok take it quick- I’m ready for my selfie! |
1.1954 |
0.04861 |
87 |
72 |
13 |
2 |
1732 |
You think that's scary? Have you looked at your toenails lately?" |
1.1954 |
0.04861 |
87 |
72 |
13 |
2 |
1733 |
I got a clear look when you started the fire. |
1.1949 |
0.04214 |
118 |
98 |
17 |
3 |
1734 |
Yes, you’re scary. Now put the flashlight down. All I wanted was one night without the kid crap” |
1.1947 |
0.04680 |
113 |
96 |
12 |
5 |
1735 |
And they were all out of tacos |
1.1947 |
0.04329 |
113 |
94 |
16 |
3 |
1736 |
No more scary stories about evil knights. |
1.1944 |
0.04643 |
108 |
91 |
13 |
4 |
1737 |
You're wasting the battery. |
1.1944 |
0.04046 |
108 |
88 |
19 |
1 |
1738 |
but still, the meteor came closer & closer....... |
1.1944 |
0.04254 |
108 |
89 |
17 |
2 |
1739 |
...and then, we suddenly disappeared! |
1.1944 |
0.04643 |
108 |
91 |
13 |
4 |
1740 |
Dad,stop it; you look like a scary human!!! |
1.1944 |
0.04453 |
108 |
90 |
15 |
3 |
1741 |
There was no escape . . . from the children under the bed. |
1.1942 |
0.04791 |
103 |
87 |
12 |
4 |
1742 |
Do you see anything in my teeth? |
1.1942 |
0.04588 |
103 |
86 |
14 |
3 |
1743 |
Stop it. You'll scare the kids. |
1.1942 |
0.04791 |
103 |
87 |
12 |
4 |
1744 |
Yes, there's a small chunk of Iguanodon next to the incisor. |
1.1942 |
0.04153 |
103 |
84 |
18 |
1 |
1745 |
If only you could breathe fire ... that would really be scary! |
1.1939 |
0.04735 |
98 |
82 |
13 |
3 |
1746 |
stop it... Big Foot isn't real |
1.1939 |
0.04735 |
98 |
82 |
13 |
3 |
1747 |
When you tell that story about the asteroid, it frightens the living daylights out of me |
1.1939 |
0.04735 |
98 |
82 |
13 |
3 |
1748 |
Oh, what big teeth you have, grandma! |
1.1939 |
0.04953 |
98 |
83 |
11 |
4 |
1749 |
Nice. Did you get fluoride too? |
1.1939 |
0.04735 |
98 |
82 |
13 |
3 |
1750 |
And after he left for LaBrea, we never heard from Uncle Rex again. |
1.1939 |
0.04508 |
98 |
81 |
15 |
2 |
1751 |
And then Rex said, Let there be light! |
1.1939 |
0.04735 |
98 |
82 |
13 |
3 |
1752 |
I said find a left handed flashlight. |
1.1939 |
0.04268 |
98 |
80 |
17 |
1 |
1753 |
And they’re called… FIREMEN! |
1.1939 |
0.04735 |
98 |
82 |
13 |
3 |
1754 |
Nothing in biology makes sense except in the flashlight of evolution. |
1.1939 |
0.04735 |
98 |
82 |
13 |
3 |
1755 |
You should brush your teeth, Fred. |
1.1939 |
0.04735 |
98 |
82 |
13 |
3 |
1756 |
Whazzzzup |
1.1938 |
0.03825 |
129 |
106 |
21 |
2 |
1757 |
TRY to set the night on fire? |
1.1935 |
0.04897 |
93 |
78 |
12 |
3 |
1758 |
You look just like my first wife without her makeup. |
1.1935 |
0.05130 |
93 |
79 |
10 |
4 |
1759 |
Suddenly, the evil creature was in front of her, with sharp little teeth and a glowing hand weapon, saying
"Honey, I can't get a signal!!!" |
1.1935 |
0.04897 |
93 |
78 |
12 |
3 |
1760 |
It was a dark and gloomy night…. |
1.1935 |
0.04897 |
93 |
78 |
12 |
3 |
1761 |
They say Beowulf still walks these woods. |
1.1935 |
0.04652 |
93 |
77 |
14 |
2 |
1762 |
Hey! This is my Film Noir look. What do you think!? |
1.1935 |
0.04897 |
93 |
78 |
12 |
3 |
1763 |
Then the child looked under the bed and screamed! |
1.1935 |
0.04652 |
93 |
77 |
14 |
2 |
1764 |
My favorite is when they've just eaten s'mores! |
1.1935 |
0.04394 |
93 |
76 |
16 |
1 |
1765 |
When the smoke had cleared, the forrest was filled with warm-blooded, furry mammals! |
1.1935 |
0.04652 |
93 |
77 |
14 |
2 |
1766 |
...and then suddenly, from behind a tree...SAINT GEORGE!!! |
1.1935 |
0.04897 |
93 |
78 |
12 |
3 |
1767 |
...and then they developed the opposable thumb! And that's when the trouble started. |
1.1935 |
0.05130 |
93 |
79 |
10 |
4 |
1768 |
...and then HUMANS roamed the earth. |
1.1935 |
0.04897 |
93 |
78 |
12 |
3 |
1769 |
The Future Looks Bright |
1.1933 |
0.04349 |
119 |
100 |
15 |
4 |
1770 |
In the trail mix he found not chocolate, but dried cranberries. |
1.1933 |
0.04665 |
119 |
102 |
11 |
6 |
1771 |
And they made them work and pay taxes forever! |
1.1932 |
0.04531 |
88 |
72 |
15 |
1 |
1772 |
My god, you do sound like Dina Shore! |
1.1932 |
0.05566 |
88 |
76 |
7 |
5 |
1773 |
Then they dug up all that was left of Edwin, reconstructed his petrified bones in a life-like position and mounted him for public display in the Academy of Sciences! |
1.1932 |
0.05075 |
88 |
74 |
11 |
3 |
1774 |
I lost an arm in the tussle but I got his flashlight! |
1.1932 |
0.05075 |
88 |
74 |
11 |
3 |
1775 |
OOOOOOO, that's spooky! |
1.1932 |
0.04810 |
88 |
73 |
13 |
2 |
1776 |
Is there some of him between my teeth? |
1.1930 |
0.04294 |
114 |
95 |
16 |
3 |
1777 |
Then the human smiled with its crazy bleached-white teeth at the big friendly dragon. |
1.1930 |
0.04642 |
114 |
97 |
12 |
5 |
1778 |
And then the knight named George stopped the good dragon from eating the maiden. |
1.1930 |
0.04294 |
114 |
95 |
16 |
3 |
1779 |
…and their skin is metal and they carry swords |
1.1930 |
0.04109 |
114 |
94 |
18 |
2 |
1780 |
… and this is the story of how i met your Karen |
1.1930 |
0.04471 |
114 |
96 |
14 |
4 |
1781 |
Welcome to Jurassic Park! |
1.1927 |
0.04785 |
109 |
93 |
11 |
5 |
1782 |
Even humans don’t find that scary anymore |
1.1927 |
0.04959 |
109 |
94 |
9 |
6 |
1783 |
I'm not sure about your advice of "Let bygones be bygones". |
1.1927 |
0.04219 |
109 |
90 |
17 |
2 |
1784 |
And then we looked up and saw a meteor in the sky... |
1.1927 |
0.04219 |
109 |
90 |
17 |
2 |
1785 |
There’s no Triceratops in your teeth, but you’re freaking me out. Put that thing down! |
1.1927 |
0.04416 |
109 |
91 |
15 |
3 |
1786 |
As night fell, the hideous creature ate a sensible meal, read its book, and turned in early. |
1.1927 |
0.04416 |
109 |
91 |
15 |
3 |
1787 |
Where are you going to get batteries for that thing? |
1.1927 |
0.04604 |
109 |
92 |
13 |
4 |
1788 |
so... you invented the fire and the flashlight at the same time? |
1.1923 |
0.04749 |
104 |
88 |
12 |
4 |
1789 |
Do I have any campers in my teeth? |
1.1923 |
0.04749 |
104 |
88 |
12 |
4 |
1790 |
That's not scary. Your breath is scary. |
1.1923 |
0.04749 |
104 |
88 |
12 |
4 |
1791 |
Thank you for trusting me with this. |
1.1923 |
0.04548 |
104 |
87 |
14 |
3 |
1792 |
Does this make me look like a human? |
1.1923 |
0.04338 |
104 |
86 |
16 |
2 |
1793 |
And then the little boy helped the old lady cross the street, squeezing her hand. And then she said "thank you!" |
1.1923 |
0.04338 |
104 |
86 |
16 |
2 |
1794 |
Niagara Falls!!! Slowly I turned … |
1.1923 |
0.04548 |
104 |
87 |
14 |
3 |
1795 |
[No caption needed, it’s hilarious just on its own] |
1.1923 |
0.04548 |
104 |
87 |
14 |
3 |
1796 |
And then 231 million years after the meteor…..the Neanderthal’s descendants dig up our bones for display in museums.
Would you like an ice cream now..? |
1.1923 |
0.05127 |
104 |
90 |
8 |
6 |
1797 |
And if you say asteroid three times… |
1.1923 |
0.04338 |
104 |
86 |
16 |
2 |
1798 |
Hey, remember how that first kid we ate was doing this? |
1.1923 |
0.04548 |
104 |
87 |
14 |
3 |
1799 |
It was a dark and asteroidy night ... |
1.1923 |
0.04941 |
104 |
89 |
10 |
5 |
1800 |
Just think, but for the asteroid missing the planet, our species might never have evolved! |
1.1923 |
0.04749 |
104 |
88 |
12 |
4 |
1801 |
... and the devilish human condemned the poor dragon to spit fire when speaking ever after! |
1.1920 |
0.03885 |
125 |
103 |
20 |
2 |
1802 |
See for yourself, whiteners work wonders. |
1.1919 |
0.04691 |
99 |
83 |
13 |
3 |
1803 |
In 2 million years we’ll recharge these batteries |
1.1919 |
0.04906 |
99 |
84 |
11 |
4 |
1804 |
You don’t look like my dad…. |
1.1919 |
0.04906 |
99 |
84 |
11 |
4 |
1805 |
I think battery power will replace fossil fuels in 300 million years--what say you? |
1.1919 |
0.04466 |
99 |
82 |
15 |
2 |
1806 |
Are you trying to seduce me? |
1.1915 |
0.05079 |
94 |
80 |
10 |
4 |
1807 |
'And then a meteorite struck and vaporized everyone's latte.' |
1.1915 |
0.04849 |
94 |
79 |
12 |
3 |
1808 |
Thanks for lighting my fire. |
1.1915 |
0.04351 |
94 |
77 |
16 |
1 |
1809 |
Campfire stories aren't scary when you're the monster. |
1.1915 |
0.04351 |
94 |
77 |
16 |
1 |
1810 |
Boo! I'm a homo sapien! |
1.1915 |
0.04351 |
94 |
77 |
16 |
1 |
1811 |
Hey man, you gotta stop drinking. |
1.1915 |
0.04607 |
94 |
78 |
14 |
2 |
1812 |
…and then she said Dracarys!” 😬 |
1.1915 |
0.04351 |
94 |
77 |
16 |
1 |
1813 |
Are you scared yet? |
1.1913 |
0.04077 |
115 |
95 |
18 |
2 |
1814 |
It got very quiet. And then a giant ball of fire ...... |
1.1913 |
0.04435 |
115 |
97 |
14 |
4 |
1815 |
Once upon a time, a very long time ago, there was a little man about five feet high, who brought us fire" |
1.1910 |
0.05270 |
89 |
76 |
9 |
4 |
1816 |
And then he went like this. |
1.1910 |
0.04761 |
89 |
74 |
13 |
2 |
1817 |
And then they increased their military budget… again! |
1.1910 |
0.04761 |
89 |
74 |
13 |
2 |
1818 |
That's stupid, no one sleeps on TOP of the bed! |
1.1910 |
0.04761 |
89 |
74 |
13 |
2 |
1819 |
Very amusing. Yeh, you have his flashlight but you didn't save me any Boy Scout! |
1.1910 |
0.05270 |
89 |
76 |
9 |
4 |
1820 |
And they they grind up your bones to make jet fuel! |
1.1910 |
0.04485 |
89 |
73 |
15 |
1 |
1821 |
I see dead species. |
1.1910 |
0.04485 |
89 |
73 |
15 |
1 |
1822 |
For when you run out out of fossil fuel, bro! |
1.1910 |
0.05022 |
89 |
75 |
11 |
3 |
1823 |
...And we'll be extinct, brouhahaha |
1.1910 |
0.05022 |
89 |
75 |
11 |
3 |
1824 |
Pity it’s gonna take another 66 million years before they invent the battery… |
1.1910 |
0.04485 |
89 |
73 |
15 |
1 |
1825 |
And under the bed,there was an ant! |
1.1909 |
0.04745 |
110 |
94 |
11 |
5 |
1826 |
And there was a big flash of light and, suddenly, there was nothing but little rodents running everywhere! |
1.1909 |
0.04745 |
110 |
94 |
11 |
5 |
1827 |
You’re right-it does bring out your inner reptile. |
1.1909 |
0.03980 |
110 |
90 |
19 |
1 |
1828 |
And that's how peanut butter was invented. |
1.1909 |
0.04745 |
110 |
94 |
11 |
5 |
1829 |
And then it got very very cold… |
1.1909 |
0.04379 |
110 |
92 |
15 |
3 |
1830 |
And then the Saudis promised to give Bush petroleum... |
1.1909 |
0.04184 |
110 |
91 |
17 |
2 |
1831 |
And then I used the principles of quantum physics coupled with Maxwell's Laws to get... Viola! |
1.1908 |
0.04350 |
131 |
112 |
13 |
6 |
1832 |
… and then a giant asteroid will hit the earth! |
1.1908 |
0.04213 |
131 |
111 |
15 |
5 |
1833 |
No. You don't look like Barney. |
1.1905 |
0.04631 |
84 |
69 |
14 |
1 |
1834 |
There will be a big comet |
1.1905 |
0.04707 |
105 |
89 |
12 |
4 |
1835 |
You’re wasting the batteries. |
1.1905 |
0.04508 |
105 |
88 |
14 |
3 |
1836 |
When humans invent that, I don't know if they'll use it for telling spooky stories. |
1.1905 |
0.04508 |
105 |
88 |
14 |
3 |
1837 |
Terrifying, sure — but not very flattering. |
1.1905 |
0.05482 |
84 |
72 |
8 |
4 |
1838 |
And then suddenly Godzilla is standing in front of me and says, you call yourself a dragon? |
1.1905 |
0.04931 |
84 |
70 |
12 |
2 |
1839 |
And I said, no thanks, no Girl Scout cookies today. |
1.1901 |
0.04118 |
121 |
101 |
17 |
3 |
1840 |
I love spending these intimate moments with you |
1.1901 |
0.03948 |
121 |
100 |
19 |
2 |
1841 |
Yes, uplighting really accentuates your dimples. |
1.1900 |
0.04861 |
100 |
85 |
11 |
4 |
1842 |
And then the evil knight approached the sweet, sleeping, dragon... |
1.1900 |
0.04426 |
100 |
83 |
15 |
2 |
1843 |
Dad, tell me again how they'll dig up my bones and put them in a museum which people can only see after paying some exorbitant fee unless they plan their visit sometime between 6 and 9pm every other Wednesday, in which case it's free. |
1.1900 |
0.04861 |
100 |
85 |
11 |
4 |
1844 |
And then there was a big bang! |
1.1900 |
0.04648 |
100 |
84 |
13 |
3 |
1845 |
…on their eyes were dark glass shields, on their backs—bulging packs, one red, one green, the soles of their feet, raked with ridges of rubber… |
1.1900 |
0.04648 |
100 |
84 |
13 |
3 |
1846 |
He was doing this before I ate him. What do you think? Am I scary? |
1.1897 |
0.04226 |
116 |
97 |
16 |
3 |
1847 |
You thought the story about the asteroid was scary, this next one’s about the hominids. |
1.1895 |
0.04563 |
95 |
79 |
14 |
2 |
1848 |
This little light of mine,I'm gonna let it shine |
1.1895 |
0.05030 |
95 |
81 |
10 |
4 |
1849 |
Then Puff went poof! |
1.1895 |
0.04310 |
95 |
78 |
16 |
1 |
1850 |
You never exfoliate? |
1.1895 |
0.04563 |
95 |
79 |
14 |
2 |
1851 |
His name was George, Saint George, and he had this really long lance . . . |
1.1895 |
0.04310 |
95 |
78 |
16 |
1 |
1852 |
. . then the Girl Scouts dug up his bones - just to get a merit badge! |
1.1895 |
0.04802 |
95 |
80 |
12 |
3 |
1853 |
You want a spooky story? Once upon a time two legged animals called humans took over the earth, 8 billion of them, and they burned the forests, and wrecked the planet! Thank goodness it's only a story. |
1.1892 |
0.04876 |
111 |
96 |
9 |
6 |
1854 |
So then, he picks up his flash light to make a scary face like this, but it was actually his Light Sabre. That was one tasty, dumb Jedi." |
1.1892 |
0.04343 |
111 |
93 |
15 |
3 |
1855 |
Just wait, man will claim credit for this too. |
1.1892 |
0.03948 |
111 |
91 |
19 |
1 |
1856 |
It’s a good idea but how do you dispose of the batteries? |
1.1892 |
0.04705 |
111 |
95 |
11 |
5 |
1857 |
And then a man with a long, red tie emerged from the shadows! |
1.1892 |
0.04527 |
111 |
94 |
13 |
4 |
1858 |
I really don’t want to hear another comet ghost story Phil. |
1.1892 |
0.04527 |
111 |
94 |
13 |
4 |
1859 |
See where I burned my tongue lighting the fire? |
1.1889 |
0.04440 |
90 |
74 |
15 |
1 |
1860 |
Sorry, but I heard that story eons ago |
1.1889 |
0.04713 |
90 |
75 |
13 |
2 |
1861 |
OK, it's funny. But somehow I don't think that's worth the boy scout you just ate. |
1.1889 |
0.04970 |
90 |
76 |
11 |
3 |
1862 |
No, you don’t get it. The up lighting is the most important part. |
1.1889 |
0.04970 |
90 |
76 |
11 |
3 |
1863 |
And those s'mores-eating creatures return every summer. |
1.1887 |
0.04469 |
106 |
89 |
14 |
3 |
1864 |
and then he sang 'Barney is dinosaur from our imagination!' |
1.1887 |
0.04665 |
106 |
90 |
12 |
4 |
1865 |
The future is electric |
1.1887 |
0.04665 |
106 |
90 |
12 |
4 |
1866 |
Please, not another killer-comet story! |
1.1887 |
0.04854 |
106 |
91 |
10 |
5 |
1867 |
And then the meteor came and crashed into earth! |
1.1887 |
0.04469 |
106 |
89 |
14 |
3 |
1868 |
...and the clanking of the Knight's armour was coming from......inside the cave!!! |
1.1887 |
0.04665 |
106 |
90 |
12 |
4 |
1869 |
What the Devil is that? |
1.1887 |
0.04263 |
106 |
88 |
16 |
2 |
1870 |
And they tried to remake it… with MATTHEW BRODERICK! |
1.1887 |
0.05036 |
106 |
92 |
8 |
6 |
1871 |
And then the knight fled in terror when he realized MY tokens are all fungible! |
1.1885 |
0.04407 |
122 |
104 |
13 |
5 |
1872 |
This thing is defective. There's no fire! |
1.1882 |
0.05157 |
85 |
72 |
10 |
3 |
1873 |
I dropped my phone in the fire. No more pics today. |
1.1882 |
0.05422 |
85 |
73 |
8 |
4 |
1874 |
See, Hunter-gatherers stick to your gut, not to your teeth! |
1.1882 |
0.04878 |
85 |
71 |
12 |
2 |
1875 |
I got this from the time machine |
1.1882 |
0.04878 |
85 |
71 |
12 |
2 |
1876 |
Controversial Smithsothian Diorama Exhibit |
1.1882 |
0.05157 |
85 |
72 |
10 |
3 |
1877 |
Look at me! No heat! |
1.1881 |
0.04386 |
101 |
84 |
15 |
2 |
1878 |
Stop! You’ll make me laugh up a camper! |
1.1881 |
0.04386 |
101 |
84 |
15 |
2 |
1879 |
Hey,look,my are not too short! |
1.1881 |
0.04606 |
101 |
85 |
13 |
3 |
1880 |
You silly dragon! We already breathe fire! |
1.1881 |
0.04606 |
101 |
85 |
13 |
3 |
1881 |
Can you come look at this? I’ve noticed a wart I’ve never seen before. |
1.1881 |
0.04386 |
101 |
84 |
15 |
2 |
1882 |
How often do you get scaling done? |
1.1880 |
0.04531 |
117 |
100 |
12 |
5 |
1883 |
Then came the meteor. And that’s what put the die in dinosaur. |
1.1875 |
0.04756 |
96 |
81 |
12 |
3 |
1884 |
Let's skip the ghost stories and discuss how this planet will eventually be ghosting us out of evolution. |
1.1875 |
0.04270 |
96 |
79 |
16 |
1 |
1885 |
I’m really turned on right now. |
1.1875 |
0.04756 |
96 |
81 |
12 |
3 |
1886 |
Whoa! You look like a kid. |
1.1875 |
0.04519 |
96 |
80 |
14 |
2 |
1887 |
I really don't need to see the remnants of that poor camper in your teeth. |
1.1875 |
0.04307 |
112 |
94 |
15 |
3 |
1888 |
...and then you're in a movie with Jeff Goldblum... |
1.1875 |
0.03961 |
128 |
107 |
18 |
3 |
1889 |
Well, it’s better than putting your chin in the fire.? |
1.1875 |
0.04756 |
96 |
81 |
12 |
3 |
1890 |
OK I flossed. Do you see any bone fragments or human hair ? |
1.1875 |
0.04519 |
96 |
80 |
14 |
2 |
1891 |
And after the big ball of fire hits we all become birds and little furry critters take over! Boo! |
1.1875 |
0.04999 |
112 |
98 |
7 |
7 |
1892 |
It's got what we need, collagen. |
1.1875 |
0.04307 |
112 |
94 |
15 |
3 |
1893 |
And then they called Godzilla a vegan! |
1.1875 |
0.04756 |
96 |
81 |
12 |
3 |
1894 |
Once upon a time in a land called Honah Lee... |
1.1875 |
0.04307 |
112 |
94 |
15 |
3 |
1895 |
One of the critters was doing this when they caught my attention. |
1.1869 |
0.04430 |
107 |
90 |
14 |
3 |
1896 |
If you think that’s scary, watch me fart over the flames. |
1.1869 |
0.04812 |
107 |
92 |
10 |
5 |
1897 |
Geez Zorn, you look scary enough without doing that! |
1.1869 |
0.04430 |
107 |
90 |
14 |
3 |
1898 |
You’ve never looked so beautiful in your life. |
1.1869 |
0.04625 |
107 |
91 |
12 |
4 |
1899 |
Smile, you're gonna be extinct. |
1.1869 |
0.04013 |
107 |
88 |
18 |
1 |
1900 |
I'm just trying to figure out here what actually is "hellbent destruction" these days. |
1.1869 |
0.04227 |
107 |
89 |
16 |
2 |
1901 |
Do I still have any of that camper in my teeth? |
1.1868 |
0.04396 |
91 |
75 |
15 |
1 |
1902 |
And the meteor looked like THIS! |
1.1868 |
0.04396 |
91 |
75 |
15 |
1 |
1903 |
You're always so dragon-centric. |
1.1868 |
0.04108 |
91 |
74 |
17 |
0 |
1904 |
This is a lot more fun than fire and it doesn't burn! |
1.1868 |
0.04396 |
91 |
75 |
15 |
1 |
1905 |
In a million years we'll be the star of our own movie. |
1.1868 |
0.04665 |
91 |
76 |
13 |
2 |
1906 |
It was...warm-blooded. |
1.1868 |
0.04665 |
91 |
76 |
13 |
2 |
1907 |
Then he said, "The asteroid is coming from INSIDE your solar system." |
1.1868 |
0.04665 |
91 |
76 |
13 |
2 |
1908 |
Stop it, Gragnor, you're scaring me! You look like a human! |
1.1864 |
0.03983 |
118 |
98 |
18 |
2 |
1909 |
...and out of the shadows came KING KONG |
1.1863 |
0.04772 |
102 |
87 |
11 |
4 |
1910 |
And he was doing this right before I ate them. Do I seem scary? |
1.1863 |
0.04346 |
102 |
85 |
15 |
2 |
1911 |
Do I have human stuck in my teeth? |
1.1863 |
0.04971 |
102 |
88 |
9 |
5 |
1912 |
You look extinct! |
1.1863 |
0.04971 |
102 |
88 |
9 |
5 |
1913 |
Let's elope. I no longer have cold feet. |
1.1863 |
0.04564 |
102 |
86 |
13 |
3 |
1914 |
I found out what's inside little kids. |
1.1860 |
0.05363 |
86 |
74 |
8 |
4 |
1915 |
Put that down, it probably has germs. |
1.1860 |
0.05363 |
86 |
74 |
8 |
4 |
1916 |
Can you check - I think I have a Girl Scout badge stuck in my teeth? |
1.1860 |
0.05612 |
86 |
75 |
6 |
5 |
1917 |
He was a human all along! |
1.1860 |
0.05363 |
86 |
74 |
8 |
4 |
1918 |
.......Clark Gable......or King Kong? |
1.1860 |
0.05363 |
86 |
74 |
8 |
4 |
1919 |
Do I resemble my profile pic now? |
1.1860 |
0.05612 |
86 |
75 |
6 |
5 |
1920 |
With fire, why do we need a flashlight. |
1.1858 |
0.04272 |
113 |
95 |
15 |
3 |
1921 |
Do you love my new scales? I feel really hot! |
1.1858 |
0.04272 |
113 |
95 |
15 |
3 |
1922 |
It's always about you and your dentist! |
1.1858 |
0.04627 |
113 |
97 |
11 |
5 |
1923 |
It was a dark and stormy night,
without a single meteor in sight,
when suddenly, blazing across the sky .... |
1.1856 |
0.04476 |
97 |
81 |
14 |
2 |
1924 |
We wouldn’t be extinct if we invented this! |
1.1856 |
0.04710 |
97 |
82 |
12 |
3 |
1925 |
Do I have any sleeping bag in my teeth? |
1.1856 |
0.04933 |
97 |
83 |
10 |
4 |
1926 |
And it was a city made of Legos! |
1.1856 |
0.04230 |
97 |
80 |
16 |
1 |
1927 |
Almost as scary as the fire. |
1.1856 |
0.04476 |
97 |
81 |
14 |
2 |
1928 |
Don't worry though, the meteorite strikes in the western hemisphere, so it won't affect us here. |
1.1856 |
0.04476 |
97 |
81 |
14 |
2 |
1929 |
I guess princes these days aren’t what they used to be. |
1.1856 |
0.04710 |
97 |
82 |
12 |
3 |
1930 |
Prehistoric selfie |
1.1856 |
0.04710 |
97 |
82 |
12 |
3 |
1931 |
Yes! we invented flashlight |
1.1856 |
0.04476 |
97 |
81 |
14 |
2 |
1932 |
It was a dark and stormy night a one armed man had just escaped from prison! |
1.1856 |
0.04933 |
97 |
83 |
10 |
4 |
1933 |
. . . and they lived happily ever after . . . |
1.1855 |
0.04489 |
124 |
107 |
11 |
6 |
1934 |
And then they made a film even worse than the first three… |
1.1852 |
0.04585 |
108 |
92 |
12 |
4 |
1935 |
A toast to our toastie tootsies. |
1.1852 |
0.04393 |
108 |
91 |
14 |
3 |
1936 |
But the call was coming from on top of the bed! |
1.1852 |
0.04191 |
108 |
90 |
16 |
2 |
1937 |
Look Bob.......I'm Puff the Magic Dragon! |
1.1852 |
0.04585 |
108 |
92 |
12 |
4 |
1938 |
you're right. you're not as scary with the light on! |
1.1852 |
0.04393 |
108 |
91 |
14 |
3 |
1939 |
Try this with your stupid fire!! |
1.1852 |
0.04948 |
108 |
94 |
8 |
6 |
1940 |
What are marshmallows ? |
1.1848 |
0.05110 |
92 |
79 |
9 |
4 |
1941 |
I found a smile..and it's just FOR YOU!! |
1.1848 |
0.04870 |
92 |
78 |
11 |
3 |
1942 |
The dragon carried the princess to his lair, but she left him for a hedge fund guy. |
1.1848 |
0.04870 |
92 |
78 |
11 |
3 |
1943 |
And then he says "Hi, I'm David and I'll be your server." |
1.1848 |
0.04870 |
92 |
78 |
11 |
3 |
1944 |
.... and then there was an asteroid! |
1.1848 |
0.04870 |
92 |
78 |
11 |
3 |
1945 |
Is Fred flintstone stuck in my teeth? |
1.1848 |
0.04352 |
92 |
76 |
15 |
1 |
1946 |
That comet story was really scary Rex. |
1.1848 |
0.04619 |
92 |
77 |
13 |
2 |
1947 |
In the Year Two Thousand |
1.1845 |
0.04308 |
103 |
86 |
15 |
2 |
1948 |
Then suddenly, Japan started quantitative easing, plummeting gold futures worldwide ... |
1.1845 |
0.04308 |
103 |
86 |
15 |
2 |
1949 |
Felix, maybe if the peasants see me smiling they'll like me better. What do you think?" |
1.1845 |
0.04308 |
103 |
86 |
15 |
2 |
1950 |
Honey, you are such a dork... |
1.1845 |
0.04523 |
103 |
87 |
13 |
3 |
1951 |
Frankly, I am getting tired of you forgetting the marshmallows and thinking that scaring me will make me forget your failure. |
1.1845 |
0.04729 |
103 |
88 |
11 |
4 |
1952 |
Don't! I'll have nightmares! |
1.1845 |
0.04081 |
103 |
85 |
17 |
1 |
1953 |
But Bilbo isn't real, right? |
1.1845 |
0.04729 |
103 |
88 |
11 |
4 |
1954 |
Stop scaring me! |
1.1842 |
0.04417 |
114 |
97 |
13 |
4 |
1955 |
And they will make jokes asking why we crossed the road! |
1.1842 |
0.04050 |
114 |
95 |
17 |
2 |
1956 |
And he was never seen again. Well, I saw him. I ate him. |
1.1842 |
0.04238 |
114 |
96 |
15 |
3 |
1957 |
It gives me a good idea of how you'll look in 60 million years. |
1.1840 |
0.04156 |
125 |
106 |
15 |
4 |
1958 |
Now that we've lost our dungeons, we have to scare each other! |
1.1839 |
0.04486 |
87 |
72 |
14 |
1 |
1959 |
Get a load of these pearly whites! I'm telling you, every firebreather should use my new toothpaste. |
1.1839 |
0.05305 |
87 |
75 |
8 |
4 |
1960 |
And the mosquito will be preserved in amber! |
1.1839 |
0.04486 |
87 |
72 |
14 |
1 |
1961 |
He was holding the flashlight just like this telling stories to his buddies when I got ‘em! |
1.1839 |
0.05305 |
87 |
75 |
8 |
4 |
1962 |
So long as the batteries are good, the raptors will stay away. |
1.1839 |
0.05047 |
87 |
74 |
10 |
3 |
1963 |
When the anthropologist took out his camera, I gave him a snort of fire and you should have seen him run. He dropped his flashlight. |
1.1839 |
0.04775 |
87 |
73 |
12 |
2 |
1964 |
Ewww..David! You almost look human. Gross! |
1.1839 |
0.04775 |
87 |
73 |
12 |
2 |
1965 |
You're scaring me, you look like a human! |
1.1837 |
0.04191 |
98 |
81 |
16 |
1 |
1966 |
You were already scary |
1.1837 |
0.04191 |
98 |
81 |
16 |
1 |
1967 |
And then the ghost appeared. It did not have any scales but was covered in FUR. |
1.1837 |
0.04435 |
98 |
82 |
14 |
2 |
1968 |
And the Teacher says, "I'm giving the final exam today, NOT next week." |
1.1837 |
0.04435 |
98 |
82 |
14 |
2 |
1969 |
It was a dark and stormy night. . . . |
1.1837 |
0.05299 |
98 |
86 |
6 |
6 |
1970 |
It was the night before the great meteor.... |
1.1837 |
0.04435 |
98 |
82 |
14 |
2 |
1971 |
And that's the way it was, June 14th, 67 million years ago. |
1.1837 |
0.04191 |
98 |
81 |
16 |
1 |
1972 |
Be careful, this story is petrifying! |
1.1837 |
0.04886 |
98 |
84 |
10 |
4 |
1973 |
They're called mammals and have hair all over their bodies.... |
1.1837 |
0.03932 |
98 |
80 |
18 |
0 |
1974 |
That’s not what I meant when I told you to torch it… |
1.1837 |
0.04666 |
98 |
83 |
12 |
3 |
1975 |
Goodnight moon. Goodnight trees. Goodnight asteroid. |
1.1835 |
0.04355 |
109 |
92 |
14 |
3 |
1976 |
And her name was Karen... |
1.1835 |
0.04729 |
109 |
94 |
10 |
5 |
1977 |
Darn, still there, I even flossed. |
1.1835 |
0.03946 |
109 |
90 |
18 |
1 |
1978 |
...and the next morning....just as the wizard had predicted....the dragon had no fire in his mouth!...and it never came back. |
1.1829 |
0.05243 |
82 |
70 |
9 |
3 |
1979 |
Oh Harry, you are handsome in any light. |
1.1829 |
0.04633 |
82 |
68 |
13 |
1 |
1980 |
Do I look scary? |
1.1829 |
0.05243 |
82 |
70 |
9 |
3 |
1981 |
Remember the old days before we had fire... |
1.1828 |
0.04573 |
93 |
78 |
13 |
2 |
1982 |
That's one heck of a cavity you have there, Hal. |
1.1828 |
0.04822 |
93 |
79 |
11 |
3 |
1983 |
Once upon a time, there was a glacier. |
1.1828 |
0.04573 |
93 |
78 |
13 |
2 |
1984 |
Ooooo,good one. Now say “here’s Johnny! |
1.1828 |
0.04822 |
93 |
79 |
11 |
3 |
1985 |
You see I told you it was good for something! |
1.1828 |
0.05058 |
93 |
80 |
9 |
4 |
1986 |
C'mon Earl, not the damn asteroid story again |
1.1828 |
0.04573 |
93 |
78 |
13 |
2 |
1987 |
But can you cook with it!?! |
1.1828 |
0.04573 |
93 |
78 |
13 |
2 |
1988 |
And then some guy who calls himself George Santos got elected to Congress, |
1.1828 |
0.05058 |
93 |
80 |
9 |
4 |
1989 |
Cute, but it doesn't change the fact that we're cold-blooded. |
1.1828 |
0.04573 |
93 |
78 |
13 |
2 |
1990 |
Oh gee, thank god it missed |
1.1828 |
0.04310 |
93 |
77 |
15 |
1 |
1991 |
OK, OK, you look like a meteorite. Why should that scare me? |
1.1828 |
0.05058 |
93 |
80 |
9 |
4 |
1992 |
Nighty night. Don't let the asteroids bite. |
1.1827 |
0.04270 |
104 |
87 |
15 |
2 |
1993 |
OMG, time for your dental cleaning. |
1.1827 |
0.04483 |
104 |
88 |
13 |
3 |
1994 |
I still remember the time when I could fire-up and fume without criticism from anyone! |
1.1827 |
0.04687 |
104 |
89 |
11 |
4 |
1995 |
And then it takes the AG so long to indict, HE RUNS AGAIN. |
1.1827 |
0.04882 |
104 |
90 |
9 |
5 |
1996 |
And that’s the story of humans. |
1.1826 |
0.04204 |
115 |
97 |
15 |
3 |
1997 |
His first name was King. And his last name was KONG! |
1.1826 |
0.04204 |
115 |
97 |
15 |
3 |
1998 |
Nope, still not scary. |
1.1825 |
0.03634 |
126 |
104 |
21 |
1 |
1999 |
And then, the asteroid came… |
1.1818 |
0.03896 |
99 |
81 |
18 |
0 |
2000 |
And then he said, "I represent New York for the next two years, and you can't stop me!" |
1.1818 |
0.04152 |
99 |
82 |
16 |
1 |
2001 |
When you said "Old time date night" - somehow I had something else in mind. |
1.1818 |
0.04840 |
99 |
85 |
10 |
4 |
2002 |
It's not really making you any scarier looking. |
1.1818 |
0.04994 |
88 |
75 |
10 |
3 |
2003 |
I know this because… I was that maniac! |
1.1818 |
0.04622 |
99 |
84 |
12 |
3 |
2004 |
But your grandfather didn’t kill the big hairy ape so it’s still out there somewhere! |
1.1818 |
0.05249 |
88 |
76 |
8 |
4 |
2005 |
See? You don't eat these! |
1.1818 |
0.04121 |
110 |
92 |
16 |
2 |
2006 |
This is how our ancestors did it. |
1.1818 |
0.04840 |
99 |
85 |
10 |
4 |
2007 |
Okay Mildred enough with the ghost stories… Let’s just sit back and watch the shooting stars, oh that’s a really really big one“ |
1.1818 |
0.05048 |
99 |
86 |
8 |
5 |
2008 |
But they ignored the warnings and in less than 100 years they became extinct! |
1.1818 |
0.05048 |
99 |
86 |
8 |
5 |
2009 |
Any bits of human stuck in my teeth? |
1.1818 |
0.04121 |
110 |
92 |
16 |
2 |
2010 |
Do you think I should whiten my teeth? |
1.1818 |
0.04725 |
88 |
74 |
12 |
2 |
2011 |
And then he said, ‘Do you want some catsup with that?’ |
1.1818 |
0.04622 |
99 |
84 |
12 |
3 |
2012 |
Read my lips. I did not have sex with your sister. She just dropped off a cigar. |
1.1818 |
0.04066 |
121 |
102 |
16 |
3 |
2013 |
And then, out of nowhere...an asteroid slammed into earth. |
1.1818 |
0.03914 |
110 |
91 |
18 |
1 |
2014 |
Do I have s'mores stuck in my teeth? |
1.1818 |
0.04440 |
88 |
73 |
14 |
1 |
2015 |
And just then, a giant moth saw the flashlight lighting up the forest . . ." |
1.1818 |
0.04393 |
99 |
83 |
14 |
2 |
2016 |
And what should appear up in the sky but... an asteroid!!! ...Just kidding, asteroids aren't real."
Andy Chen Mathieson, Los Angeles, Cali |
1.1818 |
0.04994 |
88 |
75 |
10 |
3 |
2017 |
and then, out came a hideous scaly monster! |
1.1818 |
0.03914 |
110 |
91 |
18 |
1 |
2018 |
You can't even tell I'm wearing braces, can you? |
1.1818 |
0.04994 |
88 |
75 |
10 |
3 |
2019 |
Here's Johnny! |
1.1818 |
0.04725 |
88 |
74 |
12 |
2 |
2020 |
What did the fox say??? |
1.1818 |
0.04066 |
121 |
102 |
16 |
3 |
2021 |
one day our bones will fuel the world |
1.1818 |
0.04622 |
99 |
84 |
12 |
3 |
2022 |
It is I, the Tooth Fairy, and I will be paid. |
1.1818 |
0.04440 |
88 |
73 |
14 |
1 |
2023 |
So lemme tell you about this new filling I have, see it?
You'll never believe it, but I had to blah, blah, blah.... |
1.1818 |
0.04135 |
88 |
72 |
16 |
0 |
2024 |
Wow, that story is even more scary than the one about an asteroid hurtling towards earth |
1.1818 |
0.04121 |
110 |
92 |
16 |
2 |
2025 |
Which is scarier, under my chin or above my head? |
1.1818 |
0.04622 |
99 |
84 |
12 |
3 |
2026 |
Oooh, you look like your about to eat Cleveland! |
1.1810 |
0.04645 |
105 |
90 |
11 |
4 |
2027 |
Meteor apocalypse tales before bed. |
1.1810 |
0.04444 |
105 |
89 |
13 |
3 |
2028 |
Stop it Bronte. Smiles really freak me out. |
1.1810 |
0.04645 |
105 |
90 |
11 |
4 |
2029 |
And they use the bones of little children like you to fuel their machines! |
1.1810 |
0.04645 |
105 |
90 |
11 |
4 |
2030 |
- Which dinosaur likes rap music?
- IDK, bro.
- The velociRAPtor HAHAHAHA |
1.1810 |
0.04838 |
105 |
91 |
9 |
5 |
2031 |
With all these balloons overhead nobody is scared of us anymore. |
1.1810 |
0.04645 |
105 |
90 |
11 |
4 |
2032 |
Just then, a giant rock fell from the sky! |
1.1810 |
0.04444 |
105 |
89 |
13 |
3 |
2033 |
and then, puff, he ended up in Honlea. |
1.1810 |
0.04838 |
105 |
91 |
9 |
5 |
2034 |
No, the little boy isn't stuck between your teeth. |
1.1809 |
0.04268 |
94 |
78 |
15 |
1 |
2035 |
Look! No Cavities. |
1.1809 |
0.05008 |
94 |
81 |
9 |
4 |
2036 |
Our problem is that marshmallows won't be invented for another two million years. |
1.1809 |
0.04528 |
94 |
79 |
13 |
2 |
2037 |
I want you to see me in my best light. |
1.1809 |
0.04774 |
94 |
80 |
11 |
3 |
2038 |
And then, in the woods that night they heard the clink of chain mail. It was St George and he was coming for THEM!!" |
1.1809 |
0.05008 |
94 |
81 |
9 |
4 |
2039 |
Want to hear a scary story? |
1.1809 |
0.04774 |
94 |
80 |
11 |
3 |
2040 |
Check out this new fire stick! Not as scary, but way easier on the mouth! |
1.1809 |
0.04774 |
94 |
80 |
11 |
3 |
2041 |
Anyone else you carry a torch for? |
1.1809 |
0.04774 |
94 |
80 |
11 |
3 |
2042 |
So I said to the guy , hey, want a light " |
1.1809 |
0.04528 |
94 |
79 |
13 |
2 |
2043 |
Can you see a zit on my chin? |
1.1809 |
0.05231 |
94 |
82 |
7 |
5 |
2044 |
Then suddenly, the clown's face appeared at the entrance of our cave. |
1.1809 |
0.04268 |
94 |
78 |
15 |
1 |
2045 |
Don't know why they do this, but they are easier to find! |
1.1809 |
0.04268 |
94 |
78 |
15 |
1 |
2046 |
And there was a bright light as the asteroid hit the earth |
1.1807 |
0.04582 |
83 |
69 |
13 |
1 |
2047 |
Oh my gosh! You look just like one of the humans in the story when you do that! |
1.1802 |
0.04283 |
111 |
94 |
14 |
3 |
2048 |
...and someday, we'll all be gone, but we'll live on in an HBO spinoff series. |
1.1802 |
0.04650 |
111 |
96 |
10 |
5 |
2049 |
Try to look more caring. |
1.1802 |
0.04650 |
111 |
96 |
10 |
5 |
2050 |
And then St. George said… |
1.1802 |
0.03665 |
111 |
91 |
20 |
0 |
2051 |
It’s daylight on a stick."
Edith Birdsall, Houston, T |
1.1800 |
0.04353 |
100 |
84 |
14 |
2 |
2052 |
And then, the small child leapt into the dragon's den with a nerf-gun! |
1.1800 |
0.04579 |
100 |
85 |
12 |
3 |
2053 |
Yeah, that’s scary. Gotta trim those nose hairs. |
1.1800 |
0.04579 |
100 |
85 |
12 |
3 |
2054 |
Hey Buddy, it’s about time to listen to your new generation’s amazing ideas. |
1.1800 |
0.04795 |
100 |
86 |
10 |
4 |
2055 |
And then they burn your bones and use them to destroy the earth. |
1.1800 |
0.04115 |
100 |
83 |
16 |
1 |
2056 |
And all they could find was our BONES! |
1.1800 |
0.04579 |
100 |
85 |
12 |
3 |
2057 |
My teeth are my best asset. |
1.1798 |
0.04941 |
89 |
76 |
10 |
3 |
2058 |
Then the hominids will come with their climate change and extinguish us. |
1.1798 |
0.05193 |
89 |
77 |
8 |
4 |
2059 |
Eghads, he looked 20 years younger on Tinder. |
1.1798 |
0.04941 |
89 |
76 |
10 |
3 |
2060 |
And then the human jumped out and yelled surprise |
1.1792 |
0.03743 |
106 |
87 |
19 |
0 |
2061 |
And then, his dead bones were strung up in the atrium of a museum! |
1.1792 |
0.04795 |
106 |
92 |
9 |
5 |
2062 |
And now for some scary people stories... |
1.1792 |
0.04196 |
106 |
89 |
15 |
2 |
2063 |
worth a thousand words |
1.1792 |
0.04604 |
106 |
91 |
11 |
4 |
2064 |
And there, falling from the sky, was an asteroid! Ahhhh! Ha ha ha. Just kidding. |
1.1792 |
0.03743 |
106 |
87 |
19 |
0 |
2065 |
And then the sprinklers went off! |
1.1789 |
0.04484 |
95 |
80 |
13 |
2 |
2066 |
You're such a Diva -- Always hogging the limelight! |
1.1789 |
0.04484 |
95 |
80 |
13 |
2 |
2067 |
… When mountains crumble to the sea
There will still be you and me. |
1.1789 |
0.04227 |
95 |
79 |
15 |
1 |
2068 |
Thinking about reclaiming nature from humans |
1.1789 |
0.04227 |
95 |
79 |
15 |
1 |
2069 |
'Not 'That's amore' again, Dino' |
1.1789 |
0.04959 |
95 |
82 |
9 |
4 |
2070 |
The counselor used this light on his face and yelled "Surprise!" to the campers,... right before I ate him. |
1.1786 |
0.04204 |
84 |
69 |
15 |
0 |
2071 |
Then the poor little dinosaurs saw a hideous ball of fire in the sky ... it was getting bigger ... |
1.1786 |
0.04054 |
112 |
94 |
16 |
2 |
2072 |
No, not scary enough. I wish there was a two legged soft skinned and delicious species we could terrorize. Maybe someday.... |
1.1786 |
0.04532 |
84 |
70 |
13 |
1 |
2073 |
Stop that! It's terrifying! You look just like an 8-year-old human! |
1.1786 |
0.04532 |
84 |
70 |
13 |
1 |
2074 |
Our appearance is too complex for the wall of a cave. |
1.1786 |
0.05126 |
84 |
72 |
9 |
3 |
2075 |
And then they screamed something about a big rock falling from the sky, but I'm sure it is nothing to worry about. |
1.1786 |
0.04838 |
84 |
71 |
11 |
2 |
2076 |
Yea Uncle Morty, that's really scary, but where are the 'smores you promised? |
1.1786 |
0.04838 |
84 |
71 |
11 |
2 |
2077 |
This 'good.' Fossil fuels 'bad!' Understand? |
1.1786 |
0.05399 |
84 |
73 |
7 |
4 |
2078 |
And then...they all evolved into — birds." |
1.1782 |
0.04313 |
101 |
85 |
14 |
2 |
2079 |
Oh no, not the asteroid story! |
1.1782 |
0.04313 |
101 |
85 |
14 |
2 |
2080 |
And then a huge asteroid crashed into the planet… |
1.1782 |
0.04313 |
101 |
85 |
14 |
2 |
2081 |
And then a great fireball from the sky crashed into the earth and wiped us all out...Bwaaahaaahaaa! |
1.1782 |
0.04537 |
101 |
86 |
12 |
3 |
2082 |
Let's do some karaoke while we're at it. Just for fun. |
1.1782 |
0.04077 |
101 |
84 |
16 |
1 |
2083 |
Maybe scarier from the point of view of the guy you ate? |
1.1782 |
0.04313 |
101 |
85 |
14 |
2 |
2084 |
Then out of nowhere a giant asteroid hit the earth. |
1.1782 |
0.04313 |
101 |
85 |
14 |
2 |
2085 |
Come on man, stop scaring me! |
1.1782 |
0.04077 |
101 |
84 |
16 |
1 |
2086 |
Stick with making fire. |
1.1782 |
0.04537 |
101 |
86 |
12 |
3 |
2087 |
And then he said "'boo' who?" |
1.1782 |
0.04537 |
101 |
86 |
12 |
3 |
2088 |
Hank, don’t! You know I have a thing about monsters in the night… |
1.1778 |
0.05139 |
90 |
78 |
8 |
4 |
2089 |
I call this Godzilla lighting. |
1.1778 |
0.04890 |
90 |
77 |
10 |
3 |
2090 |
And then they found the hook attached to the door handle. |
1.1778 |
0.04350 |
90 |
75 |
14 |
1 |
2091 |
You can talk when I pass you the flashlight. |
1.1778 |
0.04628 |
90 |
76 |
12 |
2 |
2092 |
The flashlight face is really scary, but drop that far-fetched meteor story." |
1.1778 |
0.04890 |
90 |
77 |
10 |
3 |
2093 |
Hey, slow down, Rex! Don't worry, you'll be remembered |
1.1778 |
0.04628 |
90 |
76 |
12 |
2 |
2094 |
I feel pretty, Oh, so pretty, I feel pretty and witty and bright! And I pity Any girl who isn’t me tonight. |
1.1776 |
0.04753 |
107 |
93 |
9 |
5 |
2095 |
"I still think your breath is scarier..." |
1.1776 |
0.04367 |
107 |
91 |
13 |
3 |
2096 |
And they lived happily ever after in endless Jurassic Park sequels. |
1.1776 |
0.04367 |
107 |
91 |
13 |
3 |
2097 |
And then an asteroid came and killed them all! |
1.1776 |
0.04160 |
107 |
90 |
15 |
2 |
2098 |
We escaped and destroyed everything the humans created. Except this flashlight. |
1.1774 |
0.03975 |
124 |
105 |
16 |
3 |
2099 |
It was a dark and stormy night; 'round the campfire humans sat... |
1.1772 |
0.05018 |
79 |
67 |
10 |
2 |
2100 |
Stop it. I'm already scared because I'm sure I heard humans out there. |
1.1771 |
0.04682 |
96 |
82 |
11 |
3 |
2101 |
You look like a monster! |
1.1771 |
0.04910 |
96 |
83 |
9 |
4 |
2102 |
I "light up your life"! |
1.1771 |
0.04187 |
96 |
80 |
15 |
1 |
2103 |
Hammacher Schlemmer. |
1.1771 |
0.04682 |
96 |
82 |
11 |
3 |
2104 |
And then, the knight rode up on his steed wearing asbestos armor carrying a fire extinguisher. |
1.1771 |
0.04682 |
96 |
82 |
11 |
3 |
2105 |
And The Rock jumped out of nowhere! |
1.1771 |
0.04187 |
96 |
80 |
15 |
1 |
2106 |
I got that part in "The Last of Us". |
1.1771 |
0.04682 |
96 |
82 |
11 |
3 |
2107 |
While Impressive,D cells don’t last as long. |
1.1765 |
0.03793 |
102 |
84 |
18 |
0 |
2108 |
And then they'll dig up our skeletons and put them on display for groups of schoolchildren to gawk at! |
1.1765 |
0.04484 |
85 |
71 |
13 |
1 |
2109 |
Light make me look SCARY? |
1.1765 |
0.03707 |
119 |
99 |
19 |
1 |
2110 |
Look at this thing I found after they ran away |
1.1765 |
0.04275 |
102 |
86 |
14 |
2 |
2111 |
Will that supersede my patent for fire? |
1.1765 |
0.03894 |
119 |
100 |
17 |
2 |
2112 |
No, you don’t look like a monster. |
1.1765 |
0.04275 |
102 |
86 |
14 |
2 |
2113 |
Some say it will be a large falling rock from space that will kill us all, others say the eruption of a giant volcano, but my guess is some kind of virus brought back by the time traveler that give me this flashlight. |
1.1765 |
0.04707 |
102 |
88 |
10 |
4 |
2114 |
Thanks to the torchlight! Now, nothing seems scary. |
1.1765 |
0.05070 |
85 |
73 |
9 |
3 |
2115 |
And the five little bunnies lived happily every after! |
1.1765 |
0.04786 |
85 |
72 |
11 |
2 |
2116 |
I look funny now, don’t I?! |
1.1765 |
0.04786 |
85 |
72 |
11 |
2 |
2117 |
And then, on the car-door handle, they found a claw! |
1.1765 |
0.04496 |
102 |
87 |
12 |
3 |
2118 |
Suddenly there came a tapping… |
1.1765 |
0.04409 |
119 |
103 |
11 |
5 |
2119 |
Then they came after the Wooly Mammoth, but since I wasn't a Wooly Mammoth__. |
1.1765 |
0.05070 |
85 |
73 |
9 |
3 |
2120 |
Then one night a meteor |
1.1765 |
0.04496 |
102 |
87 |
12 |
3 |
2121 |
Any requests? |
1.1765 |
0.04496 |
102 |
87 |
12 |
3 |
2122 |
I have no idea what it is, but I think it makes me look scarier from this angle. |
1.1760 |
0.04106 |
125 |
107 |
14 |
4 |
2123 |
…and then on the way to her grandmothers house, the light revealed a hungry meat-eating human! |
1.1759 |
0.04712 |
108 |
94 |
9 |
5 |
2124 |
You always say your inventions are going to change the world. |
1.1759 |
0.04329 |
108 |
92 |
13 |
3 |
2125 |
This is the story of a shooting star that kept getting bigger and bigger… |
1.1759 |
0.04329 |
108 |
92 |
13 |
3 |
2126 |
Don’t worry. We’ll survive on our extincts. |
1.1759 |
0.04124 |
108 |
91 |
15 |
2 |
2127 |
Maybe it's me, but all I see is your head between two mountains...so, not scary. |
1.1758 |
0.04581 |
91 |
77 |
12 |
2 |
2128 |
Blanche Neige avait vraiment grillé ses 7 nains ? |
1.1758 |
0.05086 |
91 |
79 |
8 |
4 |
2129 |
We don't need no stinking moon. |
1.1758 |
0.04581 |
91 |
77 |
12 |
2 |
2130 |
And then they saw a great ball of fire racing across the sky! |
1.1758 |
0.05086 |
91 |
79 |
8 |
4 |
2131 |
It was a dark and stormy night, as the meteor hurtled through the sky.... |
1.1758 |
0.04840 |
91 |
78 |
10 |
3 |
2132 |
And all that will be left of us is a pile of bones. The end. |
1.1758 |
0.04581 |
91 |
77 |
12 |
2 |
2133 |
Who says man invented fire or the flashlight? |
1.1758 |
0.04013 |
91 |
75 |
16 |
0 |
2134 |
See, I told you I could get scarier looking. |
1.1758 |
0.04840 |
91 |
78 |
10 |
3 |
2135 |
Ooh, creepy— imitating a human! |
1.1758 |
0.04581 |
91 |
77 |
12 |
2 |
2136 |
It’s me, Beowulf! |
1.1758 |
0.04840 |
91 |
78 |
10 |
3 |
2137 |
Was that before DLM? |
1.1758 |
0.04840 |
91 |
78 |
10 |
3 |
2138 |
And then I went over to them and made this scary face and they just laughed” |
1.1754 |
0.04360 |
114 |
98 |
12 |
4 |
2139 |
The dinosaurs heard a loud whoosh … and then an asteroid appeared! |
1.1753 |
0.04399 |
97 |
82 |
13 |
2 |
2140 |
.. and unbeknownst to Smaug, Heracles slipped quietly into the lair! |
1.1753 |
0.03880 |
97 |
80 |
17 |
0 |
2141 |
And they ran and ran but the meteor kept coming!! |
1.1753 |
0.04399 |
97 |
82 |
13 |
2 |
2142 |
After they ate the cows, the earth froze. |
1.1753 |
0.04863 |
97 |
84 |
9 |
4 |
2143 |
And then they realized…the monster was me! |
1.1753 |
0.04148 |
97 |
81 |
15 |
1 |
2144 |
You have no metaphysical presense and have been reduced from historical iconography of wrath and gluttony into a camp characiture just to give some centrist liberal on the Upper West Side a quick snort! |
1.1750 |
0.04960 |
80 |
68 |
10 |
2 |
2145 |
Getting your teeth capped DOES make you look 3 centuries younger! |
1.1750 |
0.04275 |
80 |
66 |
14 |
0 |
2146 |
Trust me. This survival training is important! |
1.1750 |
0.04630 |
80 |
67 |
12 |
1 |
2147 |
Sure, it’s plenty bright, but it’s not nearly as warm. |
1.1750 |
0.04960 |
80 |
68 |
10 |
2 |
2148 |
Cheer up, Ty. They say some big-time heat is coming...from heaven, no less. |
1.1750 |
0.05562 |
80 |
70 |
6 |
4 |
2149 |
Oh, scare-eee, Uncle Marduk. Now can we make smores?" |
1.1748 |
0.04236 |
103 |
87 |
14 |
2 |
2150 |
And just as suddenly as he tiptoed around the dark corner, the triceratops was confronted with the most frightening creature of all: a HUMAN. |
1.1748 |
0.04455 |
103 |
88 |
12 |
3 |
2151 |
....and then the used car salesman yanked off his mask to reveal that most reviled, cold-hearted, bloodthirsty of creatures, the dreaded Hollywood entertainment lawyer. |
1.1748 |
0.04455 |
103 |
88 |
12 |
3 |
2152 |
Boo! I'm Marjorie Taylor Greene! |
1.1748 |
0.04455 |
103 |
88 |
12 |
3 |
2153 |
And the gold turned out to be chocolate coins. |
1.1744 |
0.04734 |
86 |
73 |
11 |
2 |
2154 |
Thant’s not funny George!!! |
1.1744 |
0.04436 |
86 |
72 |
13 |
1 |
2155 |
And then a big asteroid wiped out the entire population |
1.1744 |
0.04116 |
86 |
71 |
15 |
0 |
2156 |
I prefer the warmth of a flame |
1.1744 |
0.04734 |
86 |
73 |
11 |
2 |
2157 |
Before Dinosaurs Had Television |
1.1744 |
0.05534 |
86 |
76 |
5 |
5 |
2158 |
We aren’t scary doing this. But the humans certainly are. |
1.1744 |
0.04436 |
86 |
72 |
13 |
1 |
2159 |
Using the dwindling power from our flashlight when we have a perfectly good campfire here, I must be... A MONSTERRR!!! |
1.1744 |
0.05281 |
86 |
75 |
7 |
4 |
2160 |
And then, a wild human emerged from the darkness! |
1.1743 |
0.04486 |
109 |
94 |
11 |
4 |
2161 |
I don't know if I like it or not! |
1.1743 |
0.04292 |
109 |
93 |
13 |
3 |
2162 |
And then a huge fireball flew through the sky... |
1.1743 |
0.04292 |
109 |
93 |
13 |
3 |
2163 |
Careful you don't attract Mothra again. Those two little girls ate all our marshmallows. |
1.1743 |
0.04292 |
109 |
93 |
13 |
3 |
2164 |
Jurassic Park VII: Carry on Campersaurus |
1.1743 |
0.04090 |
109 |
92 |
15 |
2 |
2165 |
That's not scary at all. |
1.1739 |
0.04535 |
92 |
78 |
12 |
2 |
2166 |
And then they realized that the real Dragon slayer was me |
1.1739 |
0.04791 |
92 |
79 |
10 |
3 |
2167 |
Stop ghosting me! |
1.1739 |
0.04791 |
92 |
79 |
10 |
3 |
2168 |
He climbed up the Empire State Building-- and the CGI was bad |
1.1739 |
0.04535 |
92 |
78 |
12 |
2 |
2169 |
Now you see me,now you don |
1.1739 |
0.04535 |
92 |
78 |
12 |
2 |
2170 |
Hey Brad, you have a wart I never noticed before! |
1.1739 |
0.04535 |
92 |
78 |
12 |
2 |
2171 |
Imitating the cruel humans |
1.1739 |
0.04263 |
92 |
77 |
14 |
1 |
2172 |
...and then the evil metal-clad man slayed the young dragon with his sword and rode away with the woman from the tower, and lived a miserable life in a capitalist world... |
1.1739 |
0.04791 |
92 |
79 |
10 |
3 |
2173 |
that pink bunny we had for dinner said it would last forever |
1.1739 |
0.04535 |
92 |
78 |
12 |
2 |
2174 |
Let’s Scare E-long! Or Best ! Let’s get That Congress Thing! Humans talk about! |
1.1739 |
0.05034 |
92 |
80 |
8 |
4 |
2175 |
I got this from the ancient incinerated city ... pretty scary - eh? |
1.1739 |
0.04791 |
92 |
79 |
10 |
3 |
2176 |
Does my head look big in this? |
1.1739 |
0.04263 |
92 |
77 |
14 |
1 |
2177 |
One gray night it happened, Jackie Paper came no more. |
1.1735 |
0.04358 |
98 |
83 |
13 |
2 |
2178 |
And it wasn't a big fiery ball that destroyed humanity, it was a little box everyone carried in their pockets." |
1.1735 |
0.05030 |
98 |
86 |
7 |
5 |
2179 |
And then the giant meteor hit! |
1.1735 |
0.04109 |
98 |
82 |
15 |
1 |
2180 |
Boo! Now I'm Paul Gosar! |
1.1735 |
0.04593 |
98 |
84 |
11 |
3 |
2181 |
And . . . after I ate the backpacker, I picked up this cool flashlight! |
1.1735 |
0.04358 |
98 |
83 |
13 |
2 |
2182 |
Maybe it will scare the campers, but I honestly just don't feel it. |
1.1735 |
0.05030 |
98 |
86 |
7 |
5 |
2183 |
....and the pink, hairless monkeys made cowboy boots from our skin and wore our teeth around their necks. |
1.1735 |
0.04816 |
98 |
85 |
9 |
4 |
2184 |
And then one night a giant meteor appeared in the sky... |
1.1735 |
0.04358 |
98 |
83 |
13 |
2 |
2185 |
..And then something looking like me appeared through the trees. |
1.1735 |
0.04109 |
98 |
82 |
15 |
1 |
2186 |
Your teeth look fine, just put away the flashlight already! |
1.1735 |
0.04109 |
98 |
82 |
15 |
1 |
2187 |
…Some say that the campfire horror story is a tradition that goes back as far as the early Mesozoic Era. |
1.1735 |
0.04109 |
98 |
82 |
15 |
1 |
2188 |
And then they rebuilt with steel. |
1.1731 |
0.03728 |
104 |
86 |
18 |
0 |
2189 |
Hey, I think you've got some leftover pete in your teeth. I'm assuming things didn't end well? |
1.1731 |
0.04622 |
104 |
90 |
10 |
4 |
2190 |
And then, after three days in the cave, HE CAME BACK!” |
1.1731 |
0.03970 |
104 |
87 |
16 |
1 |
2191 |
And then the planet... |
1.1731 |
0.04622 |
104 |
90 |
10 |
4 |
2192 |
Guess it really is light or flight |
1.1728 |
0.04227 |
81 |
67 |
14 |
0 |
2193 |
...and then there's the one about the knight with the golden arm... |
1.1728 |
0.04903 |
81 |
69 |
10 |
2 |
2194 |
And then we became extinct. The end. |
1.1728 |
0.04903 |
81 |
69 |
10 |
2 |
2195 |
Take this if you're afraid of of the big bad wolf. |
1.1728 |
0.04903 |
81 |
69 |
10 |
2 |
2196 |
Then the dragon said, "Prince Charming, your demise looms. You have brought a sword to a fire fight!" |
1.1728 |
0.04903 |
81 |
69 |
10 |
2 |
2197 |
Oooooh scary! Now where are the marshmallows? |
1.1728 |
0.05209 |
81 |
70 |
8 |
3 |
2198 |
Scary,right?! |
1.1724 |
0.04961 |
87 |
75 |
9 |
3 |
2199 |
…and they lived happily ever after! |
1.1724 |
0.04389 |
87 |
73 |
13 |
1 |
2200 |
No, not the asteroid story! It’s too scary! |
1.1724 |
0.04684 |
87 |
74 |
11 |
2 |
2201 |
Does this flashlight make me look scary? |
1.1724 |
0.04961 |
87 |
75 |
9 |
3 |
2202 |
Stop it! You look like a Camp Counselor. |
1.1724 |
0.04684 |
87 |
74 |
11 |
2 |
2203 |
Not your normal museum teeth. |
1.1724 |
0.04073 |
87 |
72 |
15 |
0 |
2204 |
I keep a flashlight on all night. If I don't, that scary little kid who lives under my nest will try to eat me. |
1.1724 |
0.04961 |
87 |
75 |
9 |
3 |
2205 |
After millions of years of evolution, we finally have opposable thumbs...and this is what you do with them? |
1.1724 |
0.04389 |
87 |
73 |
13 |
1 |
2206 |
I resent being called a luditte. |
1.1724 |
0.04389 |
87 |
73 |
13 |
1 |
2207 |
Stop! That part isn't edible! |
1.1724 |
0.04389 |
87 |
73 |
13 |
1 |
2208 |
...and the asteroid appeared to get bigger, and bigger, and bigger! |
1.1724 |
0.04112 |
116 |
99 |
14 |
3 |
2209 |
Not quite. If you really want to scare them, stop flossing your teeth. |
1.1724 |
0.04684 |
87 |
74 |
11 |
2 |
2210 |
The scariest part of the story is no matter how much I shaved, they still called me the bearded dragon. |
1.1720 |
0.05213 |
93 |
82 |
6 |
5 |
2211 |
... and then they all vanished! |
1.1720 |
0.04490 |
93 |
79 |
12 |
2 |
2212 |
... and King Kong reigns over New York City to this very day. |
1.1720 |
0.04490 |
93 |
79 |
12 |
2 |
2213 |
A meteor?! Fred, have you been listening to those podcasts again? |
1.1720 |
0.04983 |
93 |
81 |
8 |
4 |
2214 |
Does this make me look human? |
1.1720 |
0.04490 |
93 |
79 |
12 |
2 |
2215 |
...And then the rodents and the other furry mammals conspired to take over the whole world. |
1.1720 |
0.04221 |
93 |
78 |
14 |
1 |
2216 |
Before you go any further, I need to go to the bathroom. |
1.1720 |
0.04743 |
93 |
80 |
10 |
3 |
2217 |
Call me old fashioned. I prefer a slow burning fire to a slick torch you got from homo sapient |
1.1720 |
0.05432 |
93 |
83 |
4 |
6 |
2218 |
“ I bet you thought I was the
boogey man “ |
1.1720 |
0.04743 |
93 |
80 |
10 |
3 |
2219 |
The downside is that you can’t roast marshmallows on it. |
1.1717 |
0.04549 |
99 |
85 |
11 |
3 |
2220 |
And out stepped a human from the minivan! |
1.1717 |
0.04549 |
99 |
85 |
11 |
3 |
2221 |
So you can make a scary face! Big deal. Where're you gonna get batteries for that thing? Costco? |
1.1717 |
0.04771 |
99 |
86 |
9 |
4 |
2222 |
Seriously ... Pete Davidson, right? |
1.1717 |
0.04982 |
99 |
87 |
7 |
5 |
2223 |
Let me tell you a little story about St. George. |
1.1714 |
0.04162 |
105 |
89 |
14 |
2 |
2224 |
Baby baby light my fire |
1.1714 |
0.03696 |
105 |
87 |
18 |
0 |
2225 |
They ate so many of them, the campers came back...up!! |
1.1714 |
0.04581 |
105 |
91 |
10 |
4 |
2226 |
Ooh look out, I'm a scary asteroid! |
1.1714 |
0.04162 |
105 |
89 |
14 |
2 |
2227 |
They left this! Do I look scary? Why do they always run away? |
1.1711 |
0.04734 |
76 |
64 |
11 |
1 |
2228 |
Legend has it that millions of years from now, tiny people will excavate our bones and reassemble our skeletons. |
1.1707 |
0.04848 |
82 |
70 |
10 |
2 |
2229 |
I'm smiling because my feet are warm and I look really scary. |
1.1707 |
0.04181 |
82 |
68 |
14 |
0 |
2230 |
Beam me up Scottie. Get it? Beam? Oh never mind. |
1.1707 |
0.04527 |
82 |
69 |
12 |
1 |
2231 |
...and then, the police told her, the calls were coming from INSIDE her cave!!! |
1.1707 |
0.05149 |
82 |
71 |
8 |
3 |
2232 |
…and it’s said that St. George still haunts these woods today! |
1.1707 |
0.04848 |
82 |
70 |
10 |
2 |
2233 |
It was ghastly - it walked upright on two legs and had no tail, scales or fiery breath at all! |
1.1705 |
0.04634 |
88 |
75 |
11 |
2 |
2234 |
Once upon a time there was a very scary dragon . . . |
1.1705 |
0.04634 |
88 |
75 |
11 |
2 |
2235 |
You’re being childish, Marvin. |
1.1705 |
0.04343 |
88 |
74 |
13 |
1 |
2236 |
You’re more beautiful than ever |
1.1705 |
0.04908 |
88 |
76 |
9 |
3 |
2237 |
One week’s growth. |
1.1705 |
0.04634 |
88 |
75 |
11 |
2 |
2238 |
...then the sun disappeared and there was a huge fireball that burned for 40 days! |
1.1705 |
0.04343 |
88 |
74 |
13 |
1 |
2239 |
It takes a lot more than that to scare me! |
1.1705 |
0.04343 |
88 |
74 |
13 |
1 |
2240 |
And suddenly, the paleontologist vanished. They say he still walks these woods. |
1.1705 |
0.04908 |
88 |
76 |
9 |
3 |
2241 |
..And when your bones turn to goo..
..they BURN what’s left! |
1.1705 |
0.05167 |
88 |
77 |
7 |
4 |
2242 |
And the museum was filled with our bones. |
1.1705 |
0.04908 |
88 |
76 |
9 |
3 |
2243 |
Did you forget the s’mores? |
1.1705 |
0.04031 |
88 |
73 |
15 |
0 |
2244 |
And then he he came near me and drew his sword and the great Beowulf was defeated. |
1.1705 |
0.04634 |
88 |
75 |
11 |
2 |
2245 |
And then they rebuilt the park thinking it would be different… |
1.1705 |
0.04908 |
88 |
76 |
9 |
3 |
2246 |
He looked something like this! |
1.1702 |
0.04696 |
94 |
81 |
10 |
3 |
2247 |
So what! Your face and my ass! |
1.1702 |
0.04696 |
94 |
81 |
10 |
3 |
2248 |
And what happened after the meteor hit? |
1.1702 |
0.04180 |
94 |
79 |
14 |
1 |
2249 |
I’ve seen THE light. |
1.1702 |
0.04180 |
94 |
79 |
14 |
1 |
2250 |
Then suddenly! A low moaning voice! Bring me back my eggs! |
1.1702 |
0.04180 |
94 |
79 |
14 |
1 |
2251 |
Once upon a time there lived a fat, hideous monster named Harvey Weinstein... |
1.1702 |
0.04446 |
94 |
80 |
12 |
2 |
2252 |
Let’s tell scary stories! |
1.1702 |
0.04933 |
94 |
82 |
8 |
4 |
2253 |
Tell me the one about the little old lady
hunting for an alligator handbag. |
1.1702 |
0.04180 |
94 |
79 |
14 |
1 |
2254 |
..and so the Girl Scout banged on the door and whipped out a box of SNICKERDOODLES!!!! |
1.1702 |
0.05160 |
94 |
83 |
6 |
5 |
2255 |
…and all that remained were the cockroaches. |
1.1702 |
0.04446 |
94 |
80 |
12 |
2 |
2256 |
Then this giant asteroid.... |
1.1700 |
0.04277 |
100 |
85 |
13 |
2 |
2257 |
You're scaring me |
1.1700 |
0.04034 |
100 |
84 |
15 |
1 |
2258 |
Your knight time stories are so scary |
1.1700 |
0.04277 |
100 |
85 |
13 |
2 |
2259 |
Look at me, I have a better light! Everybody can look at me! Yes, but I am hot with fire. |
1.1700 |
0.04034 |
100 |
84 |
15 |
1 |
2260 |
...then after the asteroid hit, the tiny, hairy, mammals took over the world! |
1.1700 |
0.04507 |
100 |
86 |
11 |
3 |
2261 |
And the this big, big rock came out of the
sky, and poof! |
1.1700 |
0.04507 |
100 |
86 |
11 |
3 |
2262 |
Fe Fi Fo Fum, I smell the blood of an Englishman! |
1.1700 |
0.04034 |
100 |
84 |
15 |
1 |
2263 |
And in a flash of light, they all ceased to exist… forever |
1.1700 |
0.04277 |
100 |
85 |
13 |
2 |
2264 |
My turn to tell a human story!! |
1.1698 |
0.04126 |
106 |
90 |
14 |
2 |
2265 |
Let there be fright! |
1.1698 |
0.04126 |
106 |
90 |
14 |
2 |
2266 |
Aaaaahhh. That’s the scariest human I’ve ever seen. |
1.1698 |
0.04338 |
106 |
91 |
12 |
3 |
2267 |
Don't do that! I won't be able to get to sleep tonight. |
1.1698 |
0.04126 |
106 |
90 |
14 |
2 |
2268 |
...and the hairless apes send the planet back to the hot protosaur age... |
1.1698 |
0.03902 |
106 |
89 |
16 |
1 |
2269 |
Yes, I’m the enlightened one. |
1.1695 |
0.04047 |
118 |
101 |
14 |
3 |
2270 |
And then the humans started driving electric cars and they stopped relying on our remains. |
1.1688 |
0.04678 |
77 |
65 |
11 |
1 |
2271 |
Please tell me this isn’t what you meant by amazing campfire entertainment ? |
1.1688 |
0.05030 |
77 |
66 |
9 |
2 |
2272 |
And then they put his remains into a 1982 Toyota Starlet, where he was never heard from again! |
1.1688 |
0.05030 |
77 |
66 |
9 |
2 |
2273 |
Switch it to flashing, it's scarier. |
1.1688 |
0.04678 |
77 |
65 |
11 |
1 |
2274 |
Once upon a Triassic Period... |
1.1688 |
0.05030 |
77 |
66 |
9 |
2 |
2275 |
I feel detached from your tale. |
1.1688 |
0.04678 |
77 |
65 |
11 |
1 |
2276 |
And then they pave... EVERYTHING! |
1.1688 |
0.05030 |
77 |
66 |
9 |
2 |
2277 |
But instead of a shooting star, it was an asteroid! |
1.1688 |
0.05359 |
77 |
67 |
7 |
3 |
2278 |
I Love A Rainy Night". Bad song choice |
1.1688 |
0.05030 |
77 |
66 |
9 |
2 |
2279 |
then the sun went dark and a biiiig rock appeared in the sky... |
1.1687 |
0.04793 |
83 |
71 |
10 |
2 |
2280 |
I've given up on fire breathing. This is much more efficient. |
1.1687 |
0.04476 |
83 |
70 |
12 |
1 |
2281 |
Yes, yes, they'll look very nice in a museum |
1.1687 |
0.05639 |
83 |
74 |
4 |
5 |
2282 |
The vorpal blade went snicker-snack? You |
1.1687 |
0.04476 |
83 |
70 |
12 |
1 |
2283 |
Nah, not working. You're just not scary looking. |
1.1687 |
0.05091 |
83 |
72 |
8 |
3 |
2284 |
Don’t look up! |
1.1687 |
0.05091 |
83 |
72 |
8 |
3 |
2285 |
Stop it! You're scaring me, Dad! |
1.1685 |
0.04299 |
89 |
75 |
13 |
1 |
2286 |
Very Funny. You don't look anything like an asteroid. |
1.1685 |
0.04586 |
89 |
76 |
11 |
2 |
2287 |
And the asteroid got closer and closer... |
1.1685 |
0.04299 |
89 |
75 |
13 |
1 |
2288 |
How do you feel about extinction? |
1.1685 |
0.04856 |
89 |
77 |
9 |
3 |
2289 |
I bet humans do this, then tell stories about us. |
1.1685 |
0.04299 |
89 |
75 |
13 |
1 |
2290 |
Only then did they notice the hook on the end of her tail. |
1.1685 |
0.04586 |
89 |
76 |
11 |
2 |
2291 |
I can see that you are very hungry, but be patient. The kids will be here with Beyond Meat hotdogs before you know it. |
1.1685 |
0.04299 |
89 |
75 |
13 |
1 |
2292 |
They were telling some story about us and one of them was doing this with the flashlight... anyway yeah I ate all those kids. |
1.1684 |
0.04402 |
95 |
81 |
12 |
2 |
2293 |
Yeah, yeah. We've heard the one about the big asteroid that's going to wipe us all out. Got anything really scary? |
1.1684 |
0.04402 |
95 |
81 |
12 |
2 |
2294 |
If I've told you once I've told you a thousand times, overhead soft halo light. |
1.1684 |
0.04402 |
95 |
81 |
12 |
2 |
2295 |
Looks like somebody isn't flossing. |
1.1684 |
0.04402 |
95 |
81 |
12 |
2 |
2296 |
It was a knightmare. |
1.1684 |
0.04402 |
95 |
81 |
12 |
2 |
2297 |
And, from out of nowhere, comes hurtling a giant boulder! |
1.1684 |
0.04884 |
95 |
83 |
8 |
4 |
2298 |
Behold, am I not beautiful? |
1.1684 |
0.04402 |
95 |
81 |
12 |
2 |
2299 |
...and he reached out with her fleshy hand and roasted - a marshmallow! |
1.1684 |
0.04402 |
95 |
81 |
12 |
2 |
2300 |
Ask me a question and you'll see if I'm telling the truth. |
1.1684 |
0.04650 |
95 |
82 |
10 |
3 |
2301 |
I think they make me look a million years younger, don't you? |
1.1684 |
0.04402 |
95 |
81 |
12 |
2 |
2302 |
And then Biden stepped into the shower with his daughter... |
1.1683 |
0.04238 |
101 |
86 |
13 |
2 |
2303 |
My Uncle Trumposaurus says your campfire stories about a horrible meteorite are too impossible to be frightening. |
1.1683 |
0.04238 |
101 |
86 |
13 |
2 |
2304 |
Dude, he woke up in a tar pit and his gizzard had been surgically removed |
1.1683 |
0.04238 |
101 |
86 |
13 |
2 |
2305 |
You are the spitting image of your mother. |
1.1683 |
0.04682 |
101 |
88 |
9 |
4 |
2306 |
Telling ghost stories around the camp-fire goes back millions of years! |
1.1682 |
0.04300 |
107 |
92 |
12 |
3 |
2307 |
Ohhh! You are a tyrant! Julius? Do me a favor. GROW UP!! |
1.1682 |
0.04500 |
107 |
93 |
10 |
4 |
2308 |
Oh No,” he shuddered. That tasty-looking
body he soon discovered was
made of aluminum. |
1.1682 |
0.04692 |
107 |
94 |
8 |
5 |
2309 |
Cut it out, Spike! No more creepy mammal stories! |
1.1682 |
0.04090 |
107 |
91 |
14 |
2 |
2310 |
And when they looked under the bed, they found... an asteroid! |
1.1667 |
0.04091 |
84 |
70 |
14 |
0 |
2311 |
Then humans developed fusion technology and there was no longer enough radiation to create baby Godzillas. |
1.1667 |
0.04604 |
96 |
83 |
10 |
3 |
2312 |
How in Hell's name did you learn to operate a flashlight!? |
1.1667 |
0.04360 |
96 |
82 |
12 |
2 |
2313 |
What's scary about a boy named Jackie Paper, some strings & sealing wax? |
1.1667 |
0.05600 |
78 |
69 |
5 |
4 |
2314 |
He looked under his bed…AND THERE WAS AN ASTEROID! |
1.1667 |
0.04806 |
90 |
78 |
9 |
3 |
2315 |
I heard batteries are made by a bunny. |
1.1667 |
0.04199 |
102 |
87 |
13 |
2 |
2316 |
It's Karaoke night |
1.1667 |
0.04837 |
96 |
84 |
8 |
4 |
2317 |
I can't wait until they invent floss. |
1.1667 |
0.04604 |
96 |
83 |
10 |
3 |
2318 |
And then the boy scout jumped out and said, "My therapist will never believe this!" |
1.1667 |
0.04360 |
96 |
82 |
12 |
2 |
2319 |
You forgot the marshmallows, Again!" |
1.1667 |
0.04199 |
102 |
87 |
13 |
2 |
2320 |
Booo! I'm a meat eater! |
1.1667 |
0.04427 |
84 |
71 |
12 |
1 |
2321 |
Do ya think they'll recognize me from Jurassic park?"
tracy brown, san rafael, c |
1.1667 |
0.04604 |
96 |
83 |
10 |
3 |
2322 |
I know you like scary stories, but these humans are going to give me nightmares! |
1.1667 |
0.04539 |
90 |
77 |
11 |
2 |
2323 |
And PUFF was never seen again |
1.1667 |
0.04424 |
102 |
88 |
11 |
3 |
2324 |
This is me in a previous life |
1.1667 |
0.04740 |
84 |
72 |
10 |
2 |
2325 |
Can we store heat,in case there’s an ice age? |
1.1667 |
0.04837 |
96 |
84 |
8 |
4 |
2326 |
…then the knight got off his horse and said…GOTCHA! |
1.1667 |
0.04539 |
90 |
77 |
11 |
2 |
2327 |
That’s when they raised the social security benefit age to 68. |
1.1667 |
0.04199 |
102 |
87 |
13 |
2 |
2328 |
Ooooh! I’m a human! |
1.1667 |
0.04427 |
84 |
71 |
12 |
1 |
2329 |
Hideous! Who does your injections. |
1.1667 |
0.05294 |
78 |
68 |
7 |
3 |
2330 |
Whoa Larry! That's the scariest face I've seen since the Jurassic period! |
1.1667 |
0.04970 |
78 |
67 |
9 |
2 |
2331 |
Bring on global warming!” |
1.1667 |
0.04263 |
108 |
93 |
12 |
3 |
2332 |
It doesn't work. You're just too handsome! |
1.1667 |
0.04970 |
78 |
67 |
9 |
2 |
2333 |
There’s No Business Like Show Business
Like No Business I Know…. |
1.1667 |
0.04843 |
102 |
90 |
7 |
5 |
2334 |
You really gotta come up with something new to scare the kids. |
1.1667 |
0.04970 |
78 |
67 |
9 |
2 |
2335 |
Grrr! I’m a big bad human. |
1.1667 |
0.05059 |
90 |
79 |
7 |
4 |
2336 |
We should bury this stuff next to our wheel before the next age gets underway. |
1.1667 |
0.04604 |
96 |
83 |
10 |
3 |
2337 |
And then… he slipped into his sandals — while wearing socks! |
1.1667 |
0.03961 |
102 |
86 |
15 |
1 |
2338 |
No, it's Energizer. I ate the very annoying bunny. |
1.1667 |
0.05034 |
84 |
73 |
8 |
3 |
2339 |
And then the prince kissed her! |
1.1667 |
0.04263 |
108 |
93 |
12 |
3 |
2340 |
0oooh, another scary one…or is that just you smiling? |
1.1667 |
0.04360 |
96 |
82 |
12 |
2 |
2341 |
And their arms are almost as long as their legs. |
1.1667 |
0.03616 |
120 |
101 |
18 |
1 |
2342 |
…then the frog turned into a prince and they lived happily ever after! |
1.1667 |
0.04247 |
78 |
65 |
13 |
0 |
2343 |
Stop it! Wait for the kids to show up! |
1.1667 |
0.04970 |
78 |
67 |
9 |
2 |
2344 |
I tell you, this laser sword is pretty useless |
1.1667 |
0.04100 |
96 |
81 |
14 |
1 |
2345 |
At this point the flashlight is simply a formality |
1.1667 |
0.04539 |
90 |
77 |
11 |
2 |
2346 |
As the T-Rex's massive teeth crushed the bones of the last human alive, he cried out, "That meteor story was bullshit!" |
1.1667 |
0.04427 |
84 |
71 |
12 |
1 |
2347 |
So this skin care routine I found on tiktok… |
1.1667 |
0.05311 |
84 |
74 |
6 |
4 |
2348 |
Suddenly , three really scary teenagers jumped out of the dark!
So I ate them! |
1.1667 |
0.04427 |
84 |
71 |
12 |
1 |
2349 |
And then he said 'Let's play a little game. I've taped the antidote to your back. All you have to do is grab and you live.' |
1.1667 |
0.04100 |
96 |
81 |
14 |
1 |
2350 |
No, I wouldn't call it gilding the lily. |
1.1667 |
0.04117 |
114 |
98 |
13 |
3 |
2351 |
That 2nd chin is pretty scary. |
1.1667 |
0.04740 |
84 |
72 |
10 |
2 |
2352 |
IS THIS SCARY ENOUGH? |
1.1667 |
0.04255 |
90 |
76 |
13 |
1 |
2353 |
They believed us when we told them we were selling campfire cookies! |
1.1667 |
0.04740 |
84 |
72 |
10 |
2 |
2354 |
…And there was no Universal Health Care… |
1.1667 |
0.03721 |
114 |
96 |
17 |
1 |
2355 |
Don't be scared, it's called an evolutionary anachronism. |
1.1667 |
0.04424 |
102 |
88 |
11 |
3 |
2356 |
And then Trevor from accounts payable walked by my desk a THIRD TIME! |
1.1667 |
0.04806 |
90 |
78 |
9 |
3 |
2357 |
And THEN, the evil townspeople called the fire department on the poor old dragon. |
1.1652 |
0.04083 |
115 |
99 |
13 |
3 |
2358 |
And then the disgusting child woke the sleeping little dragon... |
1.1651 |
0.04423 |
109 |
95 |
10 |
4 |
2359 |
And then they saved fifteen percent on their cave insurance. |
1.1651 |
0.04020 |
109 |
93 |
14 |
2 |
2360 |
just then she realized, it was the very same orange-haired, blob-like creature, evilly grinning at her … from behind the Resolute Desk |
1.1651 |
0.04226 |
109 |
94 |
12 |
3 |
2361 |
Now you get to see the real me at night. |
1.1651 |
0.04020 |
109 |
93 |
14 |
2 |
2362 |
Daaaaddd! Stop with those scary faces!! |
1.1651 |
0.03803 |
109 |
92 |
16 |
1 |
2363 |
It saves on the heartburn. |
1.1650 |
0.03676 |
103 |
86 |
17 |
0 |
2364 |
Where did you find D-cell batteries so long after the holidays? |
1.1650 |
0.04384 |
103 |
89 |
11 |
3 |
2365 |
There they were, the creatures with cell phones for hands... |
1.1650 |
0.04384 |
103 |
89 |
11 |
3 |
2366 |
And when the dragon opened the door to the tower, the princess wasn't there! |
1.1650 |
0.03926 |
103 |
87 |
15 |
1 |
2367 |
Wait...you ate your own right arm? |
1.1650 |
0.04384 |
103 |
89 |
11 |
3 |
2368 |
suddenly ghastly George appeared and he was No Saint! |
1.1650 |
0.04161 |
103 |
88 |
13 |
2 |
2369 |
please not scary human stories again! |
1.1649 |
0.04061 |
97 |
82 |
14 |
1 |
2370 |
I always wanted to be in the spotlight. Born to be a star |
1.1649 |
0.04061 |
97 |
82 |
14 |
1 |
2371 |
Don't, it makes you look like a monster! |
1.1649 |
0.04560 |
97 |
84 |
10 |
3 |
2372 |
An Asteroid? No way! |
1.1649 |
0.04560 |
97 |
84 |
10 |
3 |
2373 |
I'm pretty sure the Chinese Balloon can't track us here |
1.1649 |
0.04560 |
97 |
84 |
10 |
3 |
2374 |
Glad to see you leaning in. |
1.1648 |
0.04212 |
91 |
77 |
13 |
1 |
2375 |
And then the asteroid got closer....and closer...until... |
1.1648 |
0.04756 |
91 |
79 |
9 |
3 |
2376 |
...and so, on dark nights like this one, the headless cartoonist searches for incongruous tropes and a flashlight, just like this one. |
1.1648 |
0.04492 |
91 |
78 |
11 |
2 |
2377 |
You are so much bigger in person than on Zoom. |
1.1648 |
0.04492 |
91 |
78 |
11 |
2 |
2378 |
Your terrifying human face needs some work. |
1.1648 |
0.04212 |
91 |
77 |
13 |
1 |
2379 |
Sorry, Ralph, I'm just not buying it. |
1.1648 |
0.04212 |
91 |
77 |
13 |
1 |
2380 |
I still think they taste better cooked over the open flame. |
1.1648 |
0.04756 |
91 |
79 |
9 |
3 |
2381 |
Eeeeek, look, I'm a scary monster ... |
1.1648 |
0.04756 |
91 |
79 |
9 |
3 |
2382 |
So he says to me…’I’m gonna slay you’ and I say to him…’Georgie, you ain’t no saint’. |
1.1648 |
0.04756 |
91 |
79 |
9 |
3 |
2383 |
Flossing - I’ve never heard of it |
1.1648 |
0.04212 |
91 |
77 |
13 |
1 |
2384 |
And the human was in the backseat! |
1.1648 |
0.04756 |
91 |
79 |
9 |
3 |
2385 |
Bloody ferns! Bloooooooooooody ferns! |
1.1648 |
0.05245 |
91 |
81 |
5 |
5 |
2386 |
Before you show that off to our dates, you might want to know you have food stuck between your teeth. |
1.1648 |
0.04756 |
91 |
79 |
9 |
3 |
2387 |
Who do I look most like? |
1.1648 |
0.04212 |
91 |
77 |
13 |
1 |
2388 |
Don't do that... you're scaring me! |
1.1648 |
0.04212 |
91 |
77 |
13 |
1 |
2389 |
Once upon a time, there lived a species known as humans who doomed the world. |
1.1648 |
0.03911 |
91 |
76 |
15 |
0 |
2390 |
Pretty scary Halloween outfit, right? |
1.1648 |
0.04756 |
91 |
79 |
9 |
3 |
2391 |
Travolta, Godzilla, The Joker, Julia Roberts -- I can do them all. |
1.1648 |
0.04756 |
91 |
79 |
9 |
3 |
2392 |
Stop it, Sharon, you know I can’t handle stories with princes in them, not after the incident! |
1.1648 |
0.04756 |
91 |
79 |
9 |
3 |
2393 |
You should have seen how I scared that stegosaurus that was sleeping in the woods. |
1.1647 |
0.04688 |
85 |
73 |
10 |
2 |
2394 |
You look like Godzilla after eating Tokyo. |
1.1647 |
0.04047 |
85 |
71 |
14 |
0 |
2395 |
Didn't I tell you that if we tried hard we could light a fire. |
1.1647 |
0.04978 |
85 |
74 |
8 |
3 |
2396 |
Slowly, in the darkness, the magic spell made his arms longer, and longer, until suddenly…HE COULD SCRATCH HIS BACK! |
1.1647 |
0.04688 |
85 |
73 |
10 |
2 |
2397 |
Old folks say, the species that made this kind of stuff had disappeared after a big asteroid explosion |
1.1647 |
0.04047 |
85 |
71 |
14 |
0 |
2398 |
It's not the dark you have to worry about, it's the things that go bump in the night. |
1.1647 |
0.04379 |
85 |
72 |
12 |
1 |
2399 |
Scared? Do I look like Trump? |
1.1647 |
0.04978 |
85 |
74 |
8 |
3 |
2400 |
One day,a comet appeared |
1.1647 |
0.04379 |
85 |
72 |
12 |
1 |
2401 |
Yeah, that outta keep the mosquitos away. |
1.1647 |
0.04688 |
85 |
73 |
10 |
2 |
2402 |
Forget about it, Jake. I'm not in the mood. |
1.1647 |
0.05252 |
85 |
75 |
6 |
4 |
2403 |
...and every midnight the ghost of St George passes through this neck of the woods. |
1.1647 |
0.04379 |
85 |
72 |
12 |
1 |
2404 |
And so this asteroid comes streaking out of the sky and kills us all! |
1.1646 |
0.04911 |
79 |
68 |
9 |
2 |
2405 |
In the year 2023, you'll be anthropomorphized |
1.1646 |
0.04911 |
79 |
68 |
9 |
2 |
2406 |
…pollution led to severe climate change and eventually to human extinction…. |
1.1638 |
0.04733 |
116 |
104 |
5 |
7 |
2407 |
I dare you to run by the tar pits & listen for the cheers from Saudi Arabia. |
1.1635 |
0.04555 |
104 |
91 |
9 |
4 |
2408 |
…. the tar is oozing down the mountain heading straight for us… |
1.1635 |
0.04124 |
104 |
89 |
13 |
2 |
2409 |
Sing it with me -- "Blue Moon...." |
1.1635 |
0.03891 |
104 |
88 |
15 |
1 |
2410 |
Wanna see me start another fire? |
1.1633 |
0.04277 |
98 |
84 |
12 |
2 |
2411 |
Then out of nowhere, a giant asteroid landed on their heads!! |
1.1633 |
0.04023 |
98 |
83 |
14 |
1 |
2412 |
Want to see something really scary? |
1.1633 |
0.04277 |
98 |
84 |
12 |
2 |
2413 |
And then the SECOND ICE AGE CAME! |
1.1633 |
0.04023 |
98 |
83 |
14 |
1 |
2414 |
Nice effect, but as usual the moon is backwards. |
1.1633 |
0.04743 |
98 |
86 |
8 |
4 |
2415 |
Very scary, Gary. |
1.1633 |
0.04516 |
98 |
85 |
10 |
3 |
2416 |
You should have seen the look on the guys face that dropped this! |
1.1633 |
0.04960 |
98 |
87 |
6 |
5 |
2417 |
Don't be frightened, I promise this story isn't too scary. It's the story of us." |
1.1633 |
0.03753 |
98 |
82 |
16 |
0 |
2418 |
And then the hungry monster in the forest ran out of campers to eat! |
1.1630 |
0.04447 |
92 |
79 |
11 |
2 |
2419 |
One stormy night, a hit movie demonized us as theme park monsters! |
1.1630 |
0.04169 |
92 |
78 |
13 |
1 |
2420 |
Where’d you get the flashlight? |
1.1630 |
0.04169 |
92 |
78 |
13 |
1 |
2421 |
Dude, waaay scarier than lighting your farts. |
1.1630 |
0.04447 |
92 |
79 |
11 |
2 |
2422 |
Wait till they find out we track their GPS!! |
1.1630 |
0.04447 |
92 |
79 |
11 |
2 |
2423 |
And then the T-Rex fired up his chainsaw |
1.1630 |
0.04169 |
92 |
78 |
13 |
1 |
2424 |
Glad that fellow could do time travel. I was really hungry after the fire in the sky. |
1.1630 |
0.04447 |
92 |
79 |
11 |
2 |
2425 |
...and legend says that in that lake over there, there are lurking trilobites who survived the last extinction. |
1.1630 |
0.04169 |
92 |
78 |
13 |
1 |
2426 |
You're not quite ready for your close-up. |
1.1630 |
0.04169 |
92 |
78 |
13 |
1 |
2427 |
The monster trembled with fear as the closet door opened and a voice said, ‘Does this spark joy’? |
1.1630 |
0.04447 |
92 |
79 |
11 |
2 |
2428 |
Oh, fuck! |
1.1630 |
0.04447 |
92 |
79 |
11 |
2 |
2429 |
Would you quit fucking around with that flashlight I’m about to shit myself over here. |
1.1630 |
0.04447 |
92 |
79 |
11 |
2 |
2430 |
The door creaked open slowly and it was a .....HUMAN!!!!... |
1.1630 |
0.04447 |
92 |
79 |
11 |
2 |
2431 |
Do you think the Botox was a good idea? |
1.1630 |
0.04708 |
92 |
80 |
9 |
3 |
2432 |
and then there were no more children to eat |
1.1628 |
0.04332 |
86 |
73 |
12 |
1 |
2433 |
Now for this one, I've gotta look scary!" |
1.1628 |
0.04332 |
86 |
73 |
12 |
1 |
2434 |
The lighting does you no favours |
1.1628 |
0.04924 |
86 |
75 |
8 |
3 |
2435 |
It's great to finally meet in person! |
1.1628 |
0.04004 |
86 |
72 |
14 |
0 |
2436 |
I am the light ! |
1.1628 |
0.04004 |
86 |
72 |
14 |
0 |
2437 |
And after I pulled away, I found a cute teen-ager's hand pulled off and clinging to my car's door handle! |
1.1628 |
0.04332 |
86 |
73 |
12 |
1 |
2438 |
You're telling me the big bad meteor came down one night and killed EVERYBODY? |
1.1628 |
0.04332 |
86 |
73 |
12 |
1 |
2439 |
Real scary Billy, what’s next, a snipe hunt? |
1.1628 |
0.04637 |
86 |
74 |
10 |
2 |
2440 |
This mammalian invasion has already begun, and in a short 65 million years, they'll be in charge. |
1.1628 |
0.04924 |
86 |
75 |
8 |
3 |
2441 |
squeak, scrunch...and then Puff jumped in fright when the knight in rusty armor appeared. |
1.1628 |
0.04924 |
86 |
75 |
8 |
3 |
2442 |
And then….. their bones and everything were dug up and put on display for everybody to see!! |
1.1628 |
0.05194 |
86 |
76 |
6 |
4 |
2443 |
Do my eyes look too red? |
1.1628 |
0.04332 |
86 |
73 |
12 |
1 |
2444 |
Does this light make my face greener? |
1.1628 |
0.04332 |
86 |
73 |
12 |
1 |
2445 |
Are you also thinking we’re cloned from the same DNA? |
1.1625 |
0.05169 |
80 |
70 |
7 |
3 |
2446 |
Hon, if I cover the center of the flashlight, we’ll have a nice ring light for our Zoom calls. |
1.1625 |
0.04151 |
80 |
67 |
13 |
0 |
2447 |
You really need to floss. |
1.1625 |
0.05169 |
80 |
70 |
7 |
3 |
2448 |
. . . and as the plane readied for took off, there were 20 toddlers in poopy diapers screaming and kicking the chairs, and the pilot said we would be delayed on the runway for at least 2 hours. |
1.1625 |
0.05467 |
80 |
71 |
5 |
4 |
2449 |
They dug up the bones of our ancestors from deep fissures in the mountains, and they burned them, burned them all! |
1.1625 |
0.04516 |
80 |
68 |
11 |
1 |
2450 |
And then all the MILFs found out that the men at the manor were actually their sons |
1.1625 |
0.04853 |
80 |
69 |
9 |
2 |
2451 |
How is that a turn on? |
1.1622 |
0.05101 |
74 |
64 |
8 |
2 |
2452 |
Not another meteor story! |
1.1622 |
0.05451 |
74 |
65 |
6 |
3 |
2453 |
Doesn't work, still look just like a T-rex. |
1.1622 |
0.04314 |
74 |
62 |
12 |
0 |
2454 |
Want to hear a fossil story? |
1.1622 |
0.03740 |
111 |
94 |
16 |
1 |
2455 |
And then he did his taxes, but he forgot to claim a dependant! |
1.1622 |
0.04348 |
111 |
97 |
10 |
4 |
2456 |
And they laughed…as they used our desecrated bodies as FUEL! |
1.1622 |
0.05451 |
74 |
65 |
6 |
3 |
2457 |
He: See, I call it karaoke; She: You need a mic not a flashlight |
1.1622 |
0.04532 |
111 |
98 |
8 |
5 |
2458 |
…and then the big, bad meteor crashed into the earth. |
1.1622 |
0.04348 |
111 |
97 |
10 |
4 |
2459 |
I forgot the marshmallows. |
1.1619 |
0.04088 |
105 |
90 |
13 |
2 |
2460 |
That’s so sick. |
1.1619 |
0.04088 |
105 |
90 |
13 |
2 |
2461 |
You'll have to go beyond this to scare a city, Godzilla. |
1.1619 |
0.04514 |
105 |
92 |
9 |
4 |
2462 |
And he had a hook for a tail! |
1.1619 |
0.03857 |
105 |
89 |
15 |
1 |
2463 |
And then, without warning, comes this huge rock from above, wiping out all the dinosaurs on earth. |
1.1619 |
0.03857 |
105 |
89 |
15 |
1 |
2464 |
2 dragons sittin by the fire, iko iko a nae |
1.1619 |
0.04306 |
105 |
91 |
11 |
3 |
2465 |
Do I have any smores in my teeth? |
1.1616 |
0.04237 |
99 |
85 |
12 |
2 |
2466 |
….and then the fire-breathing dragon used his last breath to start a campfire before he killed the only other fire-breathing dragon. Now go to your tent and get some sleep. |
1.1616 |
0.03986 |
99 |
84 |
14 |
1 |
2467 |
He froze as he entered the museum. It was his mom and dad; only their skeletons. |
1.1616 |
0.04473 |
99 |
86 |
10 |
3 |
2468 |
And there he was, with smooth, white teeth and fresh breath! |
1.1616 |
0.04473 |
99 |
86 |
10 |
3 |
2469 |
Boo! OMG! Fooled ya'. It' is I, MTG" |
1.1616 |
0.04698 |
99 |
87 |
8 |
4 |
2470 |
WHOA! That could only be scarier if you were wearing one of those creepy human masks. |
1.1616 |
0.04473 |
99 |
86 |
10 |
3 |
2471 |
And that is why, we dragons are not allowed to blow candles on our birthday. |
1.1616 |
0.03986 |
99 |
84 |
14 |
1 |
2472 |
I'll have what she's having |
1.1616 |
0.03986 |
99 |
84 |
14 |
1 |
2473 |
And they kept their bones for millions of years so that human children could point at them. |
1.1613 |
0.03835 |
93 |
78 |
15 |
0 |
2474 |
Are we trying to heat up the whole planet? Use this. |
1.1613 |
0.04128 |
93 |
79 |
13 |
1 |
2475 |
But after converting the lair’s mountain of gold to crypto, the market collapsed! |
1.1613 |
0.04128 |
93 |
79 |
13 |
1 |
2476 |
Okay this is gunna be a scary one…
Humans. |
1.1613 |
0.04402 |
93 |
80 |
11 |
2 |
2477 |
Your beauty shines in that light. |
1.1613 |
0.04128 |
93 |
79 |
13 |
1 |
2478 |
And then they say we have short arms and can never reach anything... |
1.1613 |
0.04128 |
93 |
79 |
13 |
1 |
2479 |
You’re scarier in the dark. |
1.1613 |
0.04128 |
93 |
79 |
13 |
1 |
2480 |
Have you ever heard of an asteroid? |
1.1613 |
0.04128 |
93 |
79 |
13 |
1 |
2481 |
And then it said, ‘no internet connection’ |
1.1613 |
0.04402 |
93 |
80 |
11 |
2 |
2482 |
...and then this huge fireball appears in the sky and keeps getting closer, and closer, until ... |
1.1609 |
0.04588 |
87 |
75 |
10 |
2 |
2483 |
How do I look now?...I don't think that's what they meant when they said try a filter. |
1.1609 |
0.04286 |
87 |
74 |
12 |
1 |
2484 |
Stop trying to cheer me up. You know I hate fire when I'm not breathing it. |
1.1609 |
0.04286 |
87 |
74 |
12 |
1 |
2485 |
There’s so many conspiracy theories…global cooling… asteroids… You just don’t know what to believe… |
1.1609 |
0.04588 |
87 |
75 |
10 |
2 |
2486 |
Then out of the blue comes this huge meteorite hurtling straight towards us |
1.1609 |
0.04588 |
87 |
75 |
10 |
2 |
2487 |
Wadday mean, I went to the plastic surgeon today and won’t need another lifting. Also, my dentist said I don’t need braces anymore. My teeth are all perfect. See? |
1.1609 |
0.04286 |
87 |
74 |
12 |
1 |
2488 |
There's a note attached that says "when the asteroid hits, you might need this". What the hell does that mean? |
1.1609 |
0.04588 |
87 |
75 |
10 |
2 |
2489 |
John…don’t look now, but there’s a meteor heading straight towards us |
1.1609 |
0.04286 |
87 |
74 |
12 |
1 |
2490 |
Too late, he remembered he wasn't in Europe anymore! The 32 on the gauge was in... Fahrenheit!!! |
1.1609 |
0.04588 |
87 |
75 |
10 |
2 |
2491 |
Sorry — you don’t have the nostrils to make that work. |
1.1609 |
0.04870 |
87 |
76 |
8 |
3 |
2492 |
Are you petrified yet? |
1.1609 |
0.04588 |
87 |
75 |
10 |
2 |
2493 |
You forgot the smores? |
1.1605 |
0.04464 |
81 |
69 |
11 |
1 |
2494 |
They’ll invent the wheel next |
1.1605 |
0.04797 |
81 |
70 |
9 |
2 |
2495 |
I bought it online and it shines for up to 5 miles. |
1.1605 |
0.04797 |
81 |
70 |
9 |
2 |
2496 |
... and it was a knight ! |
1.1605 |
0.04104 |
81 |
68 |
13 |
0 |
2497 |
And then the little pink bunny says "I love you!" |
1.1605 |
0.05109 |
81 |
71 |
7 |
3 |
2498 |
And then there was this huge ball of fire in the sky.... |
1.1604 |
0.03824 |
106 |
90 |
15 |
1 |
2499 |
No more scary extinction stories! |
1.1600 |
0.04197 |
100 |
86 |
12 |
2 |
2500 |
And then this big fireball began plummeting toward Earth. |
1.1600 |
0.05037 |
75 |
65 |
8 |
2 |
2501 |
You’re gonna give me nightmares! |
1.1600 |
0.05037 |
75 |
65 |
8 |
2 |
2502 |
…then the little orange dot got bigger and bigger and BIGGER, until it was all they could see” |
1.1600 |
0.04262 |
75 |
63 |
12 |
0 |
2503 |
Why must you always be in the limelight, Godzilla? |
1.1600 |
0.05383 |
75 |
66 |
6 |
3 |
2504 |
...and then this large, green spiked fire breathing ogre... |
1.1600 |
0.05037 |
75 |
65 |
8 |
2 |
2505 |
I'd like to thank the academy for finally choosing a reptile, not that they had a choice after we ate all the mammals. |
1.1600 |
0.05037 |
75 |
65 |
8 |
2 |
2506 |
...and in the car door handle, they found a tiny prosthetic arm with a hook on the end. |
1.1596 |
0.03797 |
94 |
79 |
15 |
0 |
2507 |
Wooooooo! I'm a big scary human! |
1.1596 |
0.04358 |
94 |
81 |
11 |
2 |
2508 |
Does this make my teeth look big? |
1.1596 |
0.04088 |
94 |
80 |
13 |
1 |
2509 |
And That’s What Humans Will Use Us For When We’re Crude Oil |
1.1596 |
0.04088 |
94 |
80 |
13 |
1 |
2510 |
You know I can't stand it when you make that scary human face! |
1.1596 |
0.04088 |
94 |
80 |
13 |
1 |
2511 |
What are you trying to do? Scare me? |
1.1596 |
0.03797 |
94 |
79 |
15 |
0 |
2512 |
Then the knight said, 'I come in peace', and I was like 'yeah right, I was born at night, but not last night!' |
1.1596 |
0.04613 |
94 |
82 |
9 |
3 |
2513 |
The Chicxulub crater started the mass extinction, and then the mammals took over. |
1.1596 |
0.03797 |
94 |
79 |
15 |
0 |
2514 |
They were called humans. They roamed the Earth during the day. They looked like this. |
1.1596 |
0.04088 |
94 |
80 |
13 |
1 |
2515 |
Suddenly a spot of light appeared in the sky. It quickly grew in size and in just a minute it covered the entire sky. It was a comet. The biggest comet earth ever sade! MOAHAHAHAHA!!!! |
1.1596 |
0.04613 |
94 |
82 |
9 |
3 |
2516 |
There was a prophecy that the dinosaur race would be wiped out by a celestial rock and our world ruled by descendants of FURLESS MONKEYS. |
1.1596 |
0.04613 |
94 |
82 |
9 |
3 |
2517 |
There was once a tv show with a friendly purple dinosaur... |
1.1591 |
0.04241 |
88 |
75 |
12 |
1 |
2518 |
And then, and then, and then they went to SLEEP. |
1.1591 |
0.04539 |
88 |
76 |
10 |
2 |
2519 |
It did taste great, but you should have seen the look on its face when I grabbed this thing and held it under my jaw. |
1.1591 |
0.04241 |
88 |
75 |
12 |
1 |
2520 |
& then the ‘dawn’ of civilization |
1.1591 |
0.04539 |
88 |
76 |
10 |
2 |
2521 |
I knew we were better at hide-and-seek. |
1.1591 |
0.04539 |
88 |
76 |
10 |
2 |
2522 |
Then Little Jackie Paper grew up... |
1.1591 |
0.04539 |
88 |
76 |
10 |
2 |
2523 |
And then, I big white balloon got caught in his tail wind. |
1.1591 |
0.04241 |
88 |
75 |
12 |
1 |
2524 |
And his fossil was forever misgendered |
1.1591 |
0.04539 |
88 |
76 |
10 |
2 |
2525 |
I got this idea last night. |
1.1591 |
0.04241 |
88 |
75 |
12 |
1 |
2526 |
And legend says, apes are next in line to talk. |
1.1591 |
0.04818 |
88 |
77 |
8 |
3 |
2527 |
... and there, under the bed, crouched St. George! |
1.1591 |
0.04241 |
88 |
75 |
12 |
1 |
2528 |
Can you believe this beautiful face scared them away? |
1.1591 |
0.04241 |
88 |
75 |
12 |
1 |
2529 |
Then when he tried to scream, all that came out was, "Puff..." |
1.1591 |
0.04539 |
88 |
76 |
10 |
2 |
2530 |
Don’t joke about that! My cousin Jerry died by that asteroid |
1.1591 |
0.03921 |
88 |
74 |
14 |
0 |
2531 |
…and when the baby dragon was born, his mother named him GEORGE! |
1.1591 |
0.04539 |
88 |
76 |
10 |
2 |
2532 |
"And then, the orange-faced monster said, 'we should get rid of the constitution,' and all the people who had not drunk the kool-aid were very afraid." |
1.1589 |
0.04629 |
107 |
95 |
7 |
5 |
2533 |
Let's find some campers and give them a really big scare. |
1.1585 |
0.04743 |
82 |
71 |
9 |
2 |
2534 |
Does this make me look like a monster? |
1.1585 |
0.04743 |
82 |
71 |
9 |
2 |
2535 |
If it’s too scary I can scale it back. |
1.1585 |
0.05050 |
82 |
72 |
7 |
3 |
2536 |
And that's why dragons are becoming extinct." |
1.1585 |
0.04743 |
82 |
71 |
9 |
2 |
2537 |
Where the hell did you get that flashlight? |
1.1585 |
0.04414 |
82 |
70 |
11 |
1 |
2538 |
…then the operator says, "Watch out! The call is coming from INSIDE the dungeon!" |
1.1585 |
0.04743 |
82 |
71 |
9 |
2 |
2539 |
And then all life on earth will be destroyed by ice. Or a meteor. Or a forest fire. |
1.1585 |
0.04414 |
82 |
70 |
11 |
1 |
2540 |
And then they’ll dig up your bones! |
1.1585 |
0.05050 |
82 |
72 |
7 |
3 |
2541 |
Did you know that a good jest can survive extinction? |
1.1585 |
0.04743 |
82 |
71 |
9 |
2 |
2542 |
And after been buried for thousand of years, one moonless night his liquified body oozed out of the ground as black tar. His revenge: the gangrenous destruction of the earth! |
1.1585 |
0.05050 |
82 |
72 |
7 |
3 |
2543 |
Give me my flashlight back asshole. |
1.1585 |
0.05050 |
82 |
72 |
7 |
3 |
2544 |
"I bought a flashlight; since the fire will extinguish by itself!!" |
1.1585 |
0.05050 |
82 |
72 |
7 |
3 |
2545 |
And then, they elected him president… |
1.1585 |
0.04414 |
82 |
70 |
11 |
1 |
2546 |
And then the asteroid came out of the sky, and... |
1.1584 |
0.04390 |
101 |
88 |
10 |
3 |
2547 |
And then his mom called him home for dinner. |
1.1584 |
0.04158 |
101 |
87 |
12 |
2 |
2548 |
You shoulda seen it! That camper’s face got THIS big when I swallowed her whole. |
1.1584 |
0.03913 |
101 |
86 |
14 |
1 |
2549 |
What do you mean pass the torch? |
1.1584 |
0.03651 |
101 |
85 |
16 |
0 |
2550 |
Cool story bro-saurus. Did you bring the marshmallows? |
1.1584 |
0.04158 |
101 |
87 |
12 |
2 |
2551 |
Chin up knucklehead. |
1.1584 |
0.03913 |
101 |
86 |
14 |
1 |
2552 |
And the operator said, "the call is coming from inside your own cave!" |
1.1584 |
0.04610 |
101 |
89 |
8 |
4 |
2553 |
. . . and then the human realized he forgot his password to his Bitcoin wallet! |
1.1584 |
0.04390 |
101 |
88 |
10 |
3 |
2554 |
Um...Donald Trump? |
1.1584 |
0.04158 |
101 |
87 |
12 |
2 |
2555 |
I like to warm my feet before I go out to catch my dinner |
1.1584 |
0.03913 |
101 |
86 |
14 |
1 |
2556 |
And then the humans crashed into the cave and the little dragon hid behind a big rock... |
1.1584 |
0.03913 |
101 |
86 |
14 |
1 |
2557 |
And the comet *hit* the planet, and the dinosaurs were never heard from again! |
1.1584 |
0.04390 |
101 |
88 |
10 |
3 |
2558 |
And hanging right there was — a bloody hook! |
1.1584 |
0.03913 |
101 |
86 |
14 |
1 |
2559 |
The calls were coming from INSIDE the dungeon! |
1.1584 |
0.04158 |
101 |
87 |
12 |
2 |
2560 |
what's a hitchhiker? |
1.1579 |
0.04568 |
95 |
83 |
9 |
3 |
2561 |
And then they were turned into nuggets |
1.1579 |
0.04568 |
95 |
83 |
9 |
3 |
2562 |
I think that’s enough Broadway show tunes for tonight. |
1.1579 |
0.05316 |
76 |
67 |
6 |
3 |
2563 |
And then Red Riding Hood said: "Grandma, my what sharp teeth you have..." |
1.1579 |
0.05636 |
76 |
68 |
4 |
4 |
2564 |
Well if we don't move to green energy we might extinct |
1.1579 |
0.04568 |
95 |
83 |
9 |
3 |
2565 |
...and then they cloned us and put us on an island behind locked gates. |
1.1579 |
0.04608 |
76 |
65 |
10 |
1 |
2566 |
Whoo, now that's scarry |
1.1579 |
0.04316 |
95 |
82 |
11 |
2 |
2567 |
We must be related, it can breathe light. |
1.1579 |
0.04568 |
95 |
83 |
9 |
3 |
2568 |
You just had to ruin karaoke by eating the spotlight operator, didn't you? |
1.1579 |
0.04975 |
76 |
66 |
8 |
2 |
2569 |
It came from outer space... |
1.1579 |
0.04568 |
95 |
83 |
9 |
3 |
2570 |
Once upon a time, there were these creatures that wanted to rule the world, but they were very bad. These creatures were called Politicians..... |
1.1579 |
0.04807 |
95 |
84 |
7 |
4 |
2571 |
We're the last two dinosaurs and if you don't stop with the jokes, we're going to be extinct. |
1.1579 |
0.04048 |
95 |
81 |
13 |
1 |
2572 |
Do I have any Stegosaurus in my teeth? |
1.1579 |
0.04568 |
95 |
83 |
9 |
3 |
2573 |
And then the lights came on and everyone SCREAMED! |
1.1579 |
0.04316 |
95 |
82 |
11 |
2 |
2574 |
Let’s just order in tonight. |
1.1579 |
0.04975 |
76 |
66 |
8 |
2 |
2575 |
And after all that - here's the really spooky part - he became an herbivore! |
1.1579 |
0.04316 |
95 |
82 |
11 |
2 |
2576 |
It’s so much fun to make believe I’m ferocious |
1.1579 |
0.04608 |
76 |
65 |
10 |
1 |
2577 |
Yeah…really scary Ray. Now do the red strobe… |
1.1574 |
0.03982 |
108 |
93 |
13 |
2 |
2578 |
The luminosity is great, but there's nothing like the campfire for warming my cold-blooded toes. |
1.1573 |
0.04197 |
89 |
76 |
12 |
1 |
2579 |
Dragons are scary. Giant dragons are scarier. Light is scariest. |
1.1573 |
0.04491 |
89 |
77 |
10 |
2 |
2580 |
If you're doing that Great Pumpkin schtick, you're in the wrong comic. |
1.1573 |
0.04491 |
89 |
77 |
10 |
2 |
2581 |
They called him Saint George, but we called him Devil’ |
1.1573 |
0.04491 |
89 |
77 |
10 |
2 |
2582 |
This story's about a very scary knight - spelled with a k! |
1.1573 |
0.04197 |
89 |
76 |
12 |
1 |
2583 |
We have nothing to fear but fear itself," it said.
I laughed in its face and said "Fear These!" |
1.1573 |
0.04491 |
89 |
77 |
10 |
2 |
2584 |
And that's why dragons only have three toes on each foot and no wings. Any questions? |
1.1573 |
0.04767 |
89 |
78 |
8 |
3 |
2585 |
And just before I ate him he had this up to his chin telling everyone about the goblins out here. |
1.1573 |
0.04491 |
89 |
77 |
10 |
2 |
2586 |
Let me tell you a scaly story. |
1.1573 |
0.03881 |
89 |
75 |
14 |
0 |
2587 |
And then the meteor struck! |
1.1573 |
0.04197 |
89 |
76 |
12 |
1 |
2588 |
And then I ate the man with a hook for a hand. |
1.1573 |
0.04197 |
89 |
76 |
12 |
1 |
2589 |
… and then the scary monsters said boo and scared all of the children. |
1.1573 |
0.04197 |
89 |
76 |
12 |
1 |
2590 |
You probably should floss before you start. You've got part of Harajuku stuck in your teeth and it's freaking me out. |
1.1573 |
0.04767 |
89 |
78 |
8 |
3 |
2591 |
And after the bones are liquified they burn them! But we shall have revenge... |
1.1573 |
0.04767 |
89 |
78 |
8 |
3 |
2592 |
You can keep your fire! |
1.1573 |
0.04767 |
89 |
78 |
8 |
3 |
2593 |
And the lord said “let there be light” |
1.1573 |
0.05028 |
89 |
79 |
6 |
4 |
2594 |
I know, but if I use this flashlight it will really scare the kids. |
1.1573 |
0.04197 |
89 |
76 |
12 |
1 |
2595 |
...but it turns out the knight's armor clanking was coming from inside the cave! |
1.1573 |
0.04491 |
89 |
77 |
10 |
2 |
2596 |
They ate smores, didn't get their boosters and become extinct! |
1.1573 |
0.04491 |
89 |
77 |
10 |
2 |
2597 |
Even though you know it’s me, the scary torch trick never fails. |
1.1573 |
0.04491 |
89 |
77 |
10 |
2 |
2598 |
Nothing is going to be any scarier than what you did to the s'mores. |
1.1573 |
0.04197 |
89 |
76 |
12 |
1 |
2599 |
And then the monsters fed on our remains for hundreds of years in order to destroy the Earth! |
1.1569 |
0.04567 |
102 |
90 |
8 |
4 |
2600 |
The two-legged creature we saw running around with this light stick: well, he was good eating , but this dumb stick got caught in my teeth. |
1.1569 |
0.04350 |
102 |
89 |
10 |
3 |
2601 |
... and that's who built this fire before we got here! |
1.1569 |
0.04120 |
102 |
88 |
12 |
2 |
2602 |
We have three lights (the moon, the flashlight and the bonfire) and our faces show that we don´t understand anything yet. |
1.1569 |
0.04120 |
102 |
88 |
12 |
2 |
2603 |
And the monster looked like….!!! |
1.1566 |
0.04689 |
83 |
72 |
9 |
2 |
2604 |
Cut it out! You're scaring me. |
1.1566 |
0.04689 |
83 |
72 |
9 |
2 |
2605 |
Do my teeth look yellow to you? |
1.1566 |
0.04689 |
83 |
72 |
9 |
2 |
2606 |
Cool, Dino. You're good enough to sing with Puff and Barney. |
1.1566 |
0.04364 |
83 |
71 |
11 |
1 |
2607 |
The scariest part of the story is yet to come: the 2024 United States presidential election! |
1.1566 |
0.05279 |
83 |
74 |
5 |
4 |
2608 |
Whitening strips are good for my smile. |
1.1566 |
0.04689 |
83 |
72 |
9 |
2 |
2609 |
And they called it Jurassic Park despite most of the dinosaurs being…from the Mesozoic Era! |
1.1566 |
0.05279 |
83 |
74 |
5 |
4 |
2610 |
...and that's when she realized that the call was coming from INSIDE the cave! |
1.1566 |
0.04364 |
83 |
71 |
11 |
1 |
2611 |
But then suddenly St. George jumped out and said 'Boo!' |
1.1566 |
0.04364 |
83 |
71 |
11 |
1 |
2612 |
Bigger, Sharper, Whiter, Paleodentistry Yeah! |
1.1566 |
0.04689 |
83 |
72 |
9 |
2 |
2613 |
Last curtain call before the asteroid. |
1.1566 |
0.04992 |
83 |
73 |
7 |
3 |
2614 |
...and the horrible creatures without any scales just kept coming and coming and coming... BILLIONS of them! |
1.1566 |
0.04014 |
83 |
70 |
13 |
0 |
2615 |
And when they got home,they found a hand with an opposable thumb lodged in the car door! |
1.1566 |
0.04992 |
83 |
73 |
7 |
3 |
2616 |
Fire-breathing alone is not enough to scare anyone. You also need uplighting. |
1.1566 |
0.04689 |
83 |
72 |
9 |
2 |
2617 |
And so he BURNED the throne to a crisp forcing them to form a democracy. The End. |
1.1566 |
0.04992 |
83 |
73 |
7 |
3 |
2618 |
The scariest story of them all, 'When Humans Walked the Earth.'" They called themselves Republicans and Democrats |
1.1565 |
0.04205 |
115 |
101 |
10 |
4 |
2619 |
I get it... you're scary. Can we call it a night already? |
1.1562 |
0.04009 |
96 |
82 |
13 |
1 |
2620 |
Then the little hairy creatures made buildings to come stare at our corpses for their entertainment |
1.1562 |
0.04759 |
96 |
85 |
7 |
4 |
2621 |
It was a fleshy visage… no scales, none at all—just bare flesh and a blue-eyed smile that nearly made me faint. |
1.1562 |
0.04274 |
96 |
83 |
11 |
2 |
2622 |
Let me guess -- a late-night comic? |
1.1562 |
0.03725 |
96 |
81 |
15 |
0 |
2623 |
I flossed...come and look for yourself if you don't believe me. |
1.1562 |
0.04523 |
96 |
84 |
9 |
3 |
2624 |
And then the paleontologist monster dug up our graves and made statues from our bones! |
1.1562 |
0.04274 |
96 |
83 |
11 |
2 |
2625 |
But when they got out of the car, they saw one tiny detached arm dangling from the side-view mirror. |
1.1562 |
0.04523 |
96 |
84 |
9 |
3 |
2626 |
It may not be so dramatic but it eliminates that awful acid reflux burn. |
1.1562 |
0.04523 |
96 |
84 |
9 |
3 |
2627 |
Incredible! You OWN Boris Karloff! |
1.1562 |
0.04523 |
96 |
84 |
9 |
3 |
2628 |
And then he kissed the princess and they fell in love! |
1.1562 |
0.04274 |
96 |
83 |
11 |
2 |
2629 |
Frank, will you please quit i? It makes you look cute, and it scares me to see you like that! |
1.1560 |
0.04158 |
109 |
95 |
11 |
3 |
2630 |
And then the humans chop down all the trees in the forest! |
1.1558 |
0.04553 |
77 |
66 |
10 |
1 |
2631 |
And then an asteroid hit...Boom! |
1.1558 |
0.04914 |
77 |
67 |
8 |
2 |
2632 |
What do you think? Time to see the dentist? |
1.1558 |
0.04161 |
77 |
65 |
12 |
0 |
2633 |
Like I said, you’re not scaring me and you’re not the least bit funny, but keep it up and it will be the end of us. |
1.1558 |
0.05250 |
77 |
68 |
6 |
3 |
2634 |
Just in case the fire burns out. |
1.1558 |
0.04553 |
77 |
66 |
10 |
1 |
2635 |
The year is 2023, and everyone thinks we’re extinct. |
1.1558 |
0.04553 |
77 |
66 |
10 |
1 |
2636 |
And then along comes Saint George … |
1.1556 |
0.03842 |
90 |
76 |
14 |
0 |
2637 |
...and the asteroid was getting closer...and closer...and closer |
1.1556 |
0.04717 |
90 |
79 |
8 |
3 |
2638 |
Want to makeup a scary human story? |
1.1556 |
0.04444 |
90 |
78 |
10 |
2 |
2639 |
Do I look like a damsel in distress now? |
1.1556 |
0.04154 |
90 |
77 |
12 |
1 |
2640 |
Wow! it does make you look thinner. |
1.1556 |
0.04444 |
90 |
78 |
10 |
2 |
2641 |
And then suddenly, over your shoulder you catch a glimpse of it, a flaming rock! |
1.1556 |
0.03842 |
90 |
76 |
14 |
0 |
2642 |
You don't really look any different to me!!! |
1.1556 |
0.04717 |
90 |
79 |
8 |
3 |
2643 |
This is so romantic but next time please bring some marshmallows. |
1.1556 |
0.04444 |
90 |
78 |
10 |
2 |
2644 |
Then she looked right at him and said, “The Dinosaur you talked to couldn’t have been Pisanosaurus. He went extinct in the late Triassic period!” |
1.1556 |
0.04717 |
90 |
79 |
8 |
3 |
2645 |
In a parallel universe this is hilarious! |
1.1556 |
0.04975 |
90 |
80 |
6 |
4 |
2646 |
and, when I finally got home, I found a hand stuck in my rear molars! |
1.1556 |
0.03842 |
90 |
76 |
14 |
0 |
2647 |
Floss that camper crud before you go to sleep tonight funny man. |
1.1548 |
0.04637 |
84 |
73 |
9 |
2 |
2648 |
And then their life was controlled by a the hand computer called a cell phone. |
1.1548 |
0.04637 |
84 |
73 |
9 |
2 |
2649 |
... but why didn't he just roast the knight? |
1.1548 |
0.04316 |
84 |
72 |
11 |
1 |
2650 |
...and then WHAM, the meteor hit! |
1.1548 |
0.03970 |
84 |
71 |
13 |
0 |
2651 |
Then Jackie Paper came no more! |
1.1548 |
0.04936 |
84 |
74 |
7 |
3 |
2652 |
It may not be as scary, but it has a lower carbon footprint than breathing fire. |
1.1548 |
0.04936 |
84 |
74 |
7 |
3 |
2653 |
Not one with the humans again. They're too freakin' creepy. |
1.1548 |
0.04637 |
84 |
73 |
9 |
2 |
2654 |
Believe me, you look much more terrifying like this! |
1.1546 |
0.03971 |
97 |
83 |
13 |
1 |
2655 |
Now THAT is scary ! You like just like my Ex ! |
1.1546 |
0.04479 |
97 |
85 |
9 |
3 |
2656 |
…and the giant asteroid will hit the Earth… |
1.1546 |
0.03971 |
97 |
83 |
13 |
1 |
2657 |
And then the vegan mammoth appeared... |
1.1546 |
0.03971 |
97 |
83 |
13 |
1 |
2658 |
And then the dragon blew out snowflakes instead of fire |
1.1546 |
0.04479 |
97 |
85 |
9 |
3 |
2659 |
Stop it, you know I'm afraid of the knight. |
1.1546 |
0.04232 |
97 |
84 |
11 |
2 |
2660 |
Evolution is fake news. Our kids will never be salamanders. |
1.1546 |
0.03971 |
97 |
83 |
13 |
1 |
2661 |
And then there were no cities left to terrorize. |
1.1546 |
0.04232 |
97 |
84 |
11 |
2 |
2662 |
And then all of a sudden,his breath smelled minty and cool. |
1.1538 |
0.04498 |
78 |
67 |
10 |
1 |
2663 |
And then the EPA auditor said we could never breathe fire ever again … |
1.1538 |
0.04668 |
91 |
80 |
8 |
3 |
2664 |
And they will fuel their machines with our remains! |
1.1538 |
0.05186 |
78 |
69 |
6 |
3 |
2665 |
One day, when you least expect it... Bam! You look.up at the sky and there it is, burning like a star, The Mad Meteor coming to get you! |
1.1538 |
0.04112 |
91 |
78 |
12 |
1 |
2666 |
They have smooth skin, rounded teeth, and thumbs used to grab you in the middle of the night. |
1.1538 |
0.04112 |
91 |
78 |
12 |
1 |
2667 |
Do you think this expression will scare the others? |
1.1538 |
0.04112 |
91 |
78 |
12 |
1 |
2668 |
Very funny, y'old fossil! |
1.1538 |
0.04271 |
104 |
91 |
10 |
3 |
2669 |
It was then that he realized that the call was coming from inside the lair! |
1.1538 |
0.04668 |
91 |
80 |
8 |
3 |
2670 |
… and it’s got a rechargeable battery, so it’s better for the environment. |
1.1538 |
0.04046 |
104 |
90 |
12 |
2 |
2671 |
Then they started burning our liquified corpses to power their machinery! |
1.1538 |
0.04668 |
91 |
80 |
8 |
3 |
2672 |
No spinach, but there's a piece of tunic. |
1.1538 |
0.04399 |
91 |
79 |
10 |
2 |
2673 |
Welcome to Jurassic Park VII. |
1.1538 |
0.04046 |
104 |
90 |
12 |
2 |
2674 |
Quit that! You look like a human being. |
1.1538 |
0.04399 |
91 |
79 |
10 |
2 |
2675 |
It'll never catch on. Not much heat. |
1.1538 |
0.04855 |
78 |
68 |
8 |
2 |
2676 |
climate change is a hoax |
1.1538 |
0.04399 |
91 |
79 |
10 |
2 |
2677 |
But I don't want to be in movies, I want to be an Influencer." |
1.1538 |
0.04668 |
91 |
80 |
8 |
3 |
2678 |
Once upon a time, long long ago, there was a fiery asteroid that crashed into the earth... |
1.1538 |
0.03809 |
104 |
89 |
14 |
1 |
2679 |
First we tell scary stories,
then we roast sticky things that get stuck in our teeth. |
1.1538 |
0.04855 |
78 |
68 |
8 |
2 |
2680 |
And then he could't reach them! |
1.1538 |
0.04399 |
91 |
79 |
10 |
2 |
2681 |
Wow, just as I was getting to grips with this new fire thing, |
1.1538 |
0.04498 |
78 |
67 |
10 |
1 |
2682 |
You don't scare me. |
1.1538 |
0.04112 |
91 |
78 |
12 |
1 |
2683 |
Asteroids - Ha! This’ll really scare you. |
1.1538 |
0.04484 |
104 |
92 |
8 |
4 |
2684 |
Hah! I've seen much scarier faces than that! |
1.1538 |
0.04498 |
78 |
67 |
10 |
1 |
2685 |
…and then an asteroid crashed into the earth and there was no more sunlight |
1.1538 |
0.04668 |
91 |
80 |
8 |
3 |
2686 |
The time traveler also gave me some good investment tips. |
1.1538 |
0.04112 |
91 |
78 |
12 |
1 |
2687 |
Quit it! You look really creepy! |
1.1538 |
0.04668 |
91 |
80 |
8 |
3 |
2688 |
And then there’s this woman Cersei who’s not not married to her brother …. |
1.1538 |
0.04855 |
78 |
68 |
8 |
2 |
2689 |
But we survive the meteor and many millions of years later our advanced civilization and brilliant individuals are honored in great museums. |
1.1531 |
0.04436 |
98 |
86 |
9 |
3 |
2690 |
My name is Bud. This is my light. Can I get you a beer? |
1.1531 |
0.04192 |
98 |
85 |
11 |
2 |
2691 |
And then the asteroid appeared in the sky... |
1.1531 |
0.04667 |
98 |
87 |
7 |
4 |
2692 |
King Kong ain't got nothing on me! |
1.1531 |
0.03656 |
98 |
83 |
15 |
0 |
2693 |
And that’s who lives happily ever after. |
1.1529 |
0.04269 |
85 |
73 |
11 |
1 |
2694 |
The time traveller dropped the flashlight before I ate her. |
1.1529 |
0.04269 |
85 |
73 |
11 |
1 |
2695 |
You're wasting batteries, and who the hell is Fiorello La Guardia? |
1.1529 |
0.05160 |
85 |
76 |
5 |
4 |
2696 |
I like to use this when I'm telling scary stories. |
1.1529 |
0.04585 |
85 |
74 |
9 |
2 |
2697 |
I didn't invent fire for this nonsense! |
1.1529 |
0.04585 |
85 |
74 |
9 |
2 |
2698 |
Eeeeek!!! You look so human!!! |
1.1529 |
0.04585 |
85 |
74 |
9 |
2 |
2699 |
It's called, "The Museum of Natural History"... |
1.1529 |
0.04269 |
85 |
73 |
11 |
1 |
2700 |
And then the big rock fell from the sky ... |
1.1529 |
0.04881 |
85 |
75 |
7 |
3 |
2701 |
Silence of the Dinos
That night, the vicious little rodents slipped silently into Godzilla’s nest, ripped open the bellies of her babies, and ate their livers with some Fava beans and a nice Chianti. |
1.1529 |
0.04585 |
85 |
74 |
9 |
2 |
2702 |
OK,you're right,it does make you look scarier. |
1.1529 |
0.04585 |
85 |
74 |
9 |
2 |