Contest #838


Cartoon

838

The winning captions

These captions are chosen by The New Yorker.

  1. “I dunno—this is what those campers were doing before we ate them.”
  2. “So the meteor gets closer, and closer.”
  3. “... and they’ll use our liquefied bones to fuel midsize sedans.”


Name Value
Submission deadline 2023-02-20T01:51:00.000Z
Voting started -
Voting ended 2023-03-06T01:52:00.000Z
Finalists announced 2023-02-28T01:52:00.000Z
Magazine(s) announcing finalists issued March 6, 2023
Number of captions 6062
Number of responses 711545
Number of participants -


Dashboard

In this table, the "mean" means the empirically measured average funniness score when the "unfunny", "somewhat funny" and "funny" receive a funniness score of 1, 2, 3 respectively. "Precison" is the standard error of the mean, the standard deviation of the mean estimate. With that, a caption with an empirical mean μ and precision σ has true mean in the range [μ - 2σ, μ + 2σ] with 95% probability by the 68-95-99.7 rule assuming the responses are indepedent and identically distributed.

Rank Caption Mean Precision Total votes "Unfunny" votes "Somewhat funny" votes "Funny" votes
0 It’s a win-win. He was delicious, and now we’ve got a flashlight. 1.6697 0.02447 1096 600 258 238
1 And all that was left was a giant carbon footprint 1.6695 0.01258 2959 1343 1251 365
2 And then he saw something that made his blood run warm. 1.6613 0.01235 3171 1486 1273 412
3 Why not just exhale and save the batteries? 1.6242 0.01357 2581 1280 991 310
4 And then you wake up in a museum naked. 1.6037 0.02014 1466 841 365 260
5 I always get the damn merit badges stuck in my teeth. 1.5905 0.01361 2645 1411 906 328
6 Suddenly she heard an asteroid snap. She lay there, petrified. 1.5789 0.01263 2484 1235 1060 189
7 Do I have anyone stuck in my teeth? 1.5768 0.01803 1770 1042 435 293
8 Dad, that joke is 100 million years old! 1.5757 0.01777 1810 1064 450 296
9 Stop already! You’re making me a nervous rex. 1.5718 0.02741 808 492 170 146
10 And his caption was lost forever. 1.5713 0.01407 2622 1483 780 359
11 Is there someone in my teeth? 1.5684 0.01569 2479 1522 505 452
12 Oooh, your stories make my blood run warm. 1.5637 0.01405 2269 1219 821 229
13 Stop it! It makes you look like a monster! 1.5554 0.01966 1408 835 364 209
14 Then they strung his bones together with wire and hung them from the ceiling! 1.5543 0.01849 1474 846 439 189
15 Is anyone stuck in my teeth? 1.5532 0.01753 1804 1083 444 277
16 Wait: You have thumbs?! 1.5531 0.01855 1611 967 397 247
17 I can't tell if I'm still hungry or if he has his phone on vibrate. 1.5448 0.02061 1362 845 292 225
18 …and there, in the museum lobby, missing half his bones, was Uncle Herman! 1.5443 0.02078 1288 785 305 198
19 It’s a tale as old as, well, us. 1.5436 0.01981 1157 647 391 119
20 And then they wired his bones together and put him in a museum. 1.5391 0.01808 1508 879 445 184
21 Please,not the one about the asteroid. 1.5359 0.02069 1241 751 315 175
22 Legend says that the meteor is still out there... 1.5303 0.01994 1288 774 345 169
23 And then they turned Godzilla… INTO A MUSICAL. 1.5257 0.02138 1185 735 277 173
24 Yeah, yeah...In a certain kind of light you look just like Godzilla. 1.5220 0.02069 1157 695 320 142
25 Don't do that. It makes you look scary. 1.5215 0.02130 1162 717 284 161
26 The big ones were forcing the little ones to eat vegetables 1.5215 0.02288 815 462 281 72
27 Then they hang your bones and use your corpse for fuel 1.5156 0.01997 995 555 367 73
28 You look like Marjorie Taylor Greene 1.5147 0.02357 1055 689 189 177
29 I dunno, this is what those campers were doing before we ate them 1.5113 0.02439 882 552 209 121
30 And then, they used our remains to power their cars! 1.5084 0.02306 958 595 239 124
31 And all this time I didn't think our front legs were good for anything! 1.5082 0.02289 970 602 243 125
32 Quoth the Raptor ‘Carnivore.’ 1.5078 0.02495 967 646 151 170
33 You think this is scary, you should have seen the look on the face of the guy I took this from 1.5070 0.02371 931 586 218 127
34 You've got someone in your teeth. 1.5064 0.02336 934 582 231 121
35 It'd probably be more chilling if we weren't already cold-blooded. 1.5058 0.02007 943 527 355 61
36 Then suddenly, they heard a big BANG. The end.” 1.5039 0.02560 905 604 146 155
37 So I guess this means you forgot the marshmallows. 1.5038 0.02347 915 570 229 116
38 Is this going to be the asteroid one again? 1.4971 0.02340 849 518 240 91
39 Are we dinosaurs or dragons? I’m so high right now. 1.4966 0.02744 739 485 141 113
40 ...and they'll use our liquified bones to fuel mid-size sedans 1.4964 0.02481 822 519 198 105
41 And in millions of years we’ll just be birds. 1.4945 0.02314 819 491 251 77
42 Something about this sudden cold snap is really bothering me. 1.4938 0.02163 802 456 296 50
43 I do like your karaoke, Dino. But "I Will Survive" just makes me uncomfortable.. 1.4938 0.02503 802 507 194 101
44 It's true! Long ago Humans used to roam the Earth! 1.4934 0.02563 756 476 187 93
45 And they’ll use your decayed bones as fuel to travel all around Earth! 1.4918 0.02512 793 502 192 99
46 You have a bit of pterodactyl in your teeth. 1.4910 0.02233 780 451 275 54
47 Do I have someone between my teeth? 1.4902 0.02607 765 493 169 103
48 Can't we just have a nice evening by the fire without all the drama? 1.4888 0.02197 759 432 283 44
49 Then, the Asteroid Deniers got elected. 1.4888 0.02667 757 496 152 109
50 I got my braces off!! 1.4874 0.02623 751 485 166 100
51 And their young are born . . . alive! 1.4856 0.02610 727 463 175 89
52 They all have smooth, near hair-less skin, ten toes, and a scream that can turn you into pudding. They call them toddlers. 1.4855 0.02673 725 470 158 97
53 And then all of Earth became a graveyard where, to this day, they are still digging up our bones… 1.4850 0.02683 734 480 152 102
54 You always ruin your campfire stories by going too over-the-top. Extinction, Roy? I mean, really? 1.4840 0.02692 721 470 153 98
55 You're scaring the coprolite out of me. 1.4840 0.02268 719 414 262 43
56 I found it when digging through the remains of the previous civilization!” 1.4824 0.02653 740 483 157 100
57 Call me old school, but breathing fire is a lot scarier! 1.4798 0.02695 694 449 157 88
58 Tell me that one about civilization again. 1.4795 0.02407 684 406 228 50
59 …then Puff heard the eeriest noise coming from the autumn mist… 1.4794 0.02694 678 435 161 82
60 And then he said 'I just need to find 11,780 votes'... 1.4790 0.02822 668 442 132 94
61 Do Trump again! 1.4764 0.02841 657 436 129 92
62 Any campers stuck in my teeth? 1.4764 0.02699 657 419 163 75
63 And then they put your bones on display for all to see. 1.4760 0.02773 647 419 148 80
64 At night, they carry these. They are easy to spot. And, they are delicious. 1.4752 0.02730 644 412 158 74
65 Does this face look extinct to you? 1.4745 0.02712 647 413 161 73
66 Legend has it the meteor is still out there.... 1.4725 0.02805 637 416 141 80
67 No more Marjorie Taylor Greene impressions. I didn't sleep at all last night. 1.4725 0.03062 582 393 103 86
68 You should have asked the guy how to turn it off before you ate him. 1.4712 0.02787 626 405 147 74
69 I learned the flashlight trick from a cub scout I ate. 1.4707 0.02697 631 400 165 66
70 Either turn it off, or go floss. 1.4694 0.02835 620 406 137 77
71 It was a dark and stormy triassic period... 1.4693 0.02719 618 392 162 64
72 Christamighty, stop it, Griff. It makes you look like Trump. 1.4664 0.03005 596 404 106 86
73 ...so George slew him with his lance . In gratitude, the Catholic Church made him a saint and we've been Protestants ever since." 1.4648 0.03066 583 399 97 87
74 This isn't going to be another meteor story, is it? 1.4640 0.03065 528 348 115 65
75 And just like that we were all gone…! Except for Alligators 1.4628 0.02732 592 375 160 57
76 Is there something in my teeth? 1.4603 0.02933 554 362 129 63
77 Stop it! You look like some kind of monster! 1.4599 0.02968 548 360 124 64
78 So the dinosaurs were wiped out but the dragons survived? 1.4590 0.02595 536 320 186 30
79 Is that a true story, dad?" "Ha ha! Of course not, son. There's no such thing as asteroids. 1.4576 0.02969 542 356 124 62
80 I'm so glad we saw those hikers. We got dinner and a show. 1.4567 0.03328 416 270 102 44
81 Does this light make my face look extinct? 1.4549 0.03021 521 343 119 59
82 Then the humans burned our gooey remains in their cars. 1.4537 0.02595 518 309 183 26
83 The only scary part of this story is wondering where you got the flashlight. 1.4526 0.03074 517 345 110 62
84 And his bones were displayed in a museum! 1.4524 0.03021 515 339 119 57
85 And the big, bad space rock came closer... and closer... 1.4519 0.02917 509 326 136 47
86 I bet the 2-leggeds will claim to have discovered this too. 1.4502 0.03091 502 334 110 58
87 And they all became... OIL! 1.4498 0.03096 498 331 110 57
88 Is there any Boy Scout stuck in my teeth? 1.4487 0.03074 497 329 113 55
89 ...and then the dragon slayer said "remember me, my name is George Santos." 1.4482 0.03229 502 346 87 69
90 Tell the one about the little girl who lives over the bed. 1.4477 0.02919 411 248 142 21
91 Yeah, yeah, burning ball from the sky blah blah blah - say something scary! 1.4477 0.03015 516 342 117 57
92 And all they found were his bones. 1.4472 0.03125 483 321 108 54
93 So the meteor gets closer, and closer. 1.4470 0.03037 481 313 121 47
94 Stupid story--no big rock can kill us all! 1.4451 0.03055 492 325 115 52
95 They say Saint George still walks this forest. 1.4449 0.03078 481 317 114 50
96 So what happened AFTER he announced he was running for president again in 2024? 1.4433 0.03260 467 318 91 58
97 And then the terrified hiker screamed, "Here, take the damned flashlight!" 1.4430 0.03065 465 303 118 44
98 ... and the terrible monsters turned their victims into a gooey brown liquid to fuel their terrible machines. 1.4413 0.03119 460 303 111 46
99 But the real killer was diabetes. 1.4408 0.02965 456 290 131 35
100 And they'll dig up your bones and wire them together and put them on display. 1.4400 0.03184 450 299 104 47
101 The itch kept getting worse, but his arms still couldn't reach it. 1.4398 0.03071 457 298 117 42
102 Your Great Uncle Puff was last seen touring with The Grateful Dead in the early 90s. 1.4395 0.03283 446 302 92 52
103 Yes, I see it I warned you to eat only Republicans. They have no fiber. 1.4388 0.03386 449 312 77 60
104 Is that hiker still stuck in my teeth? 1.4385 0.03199 447 298 102 47
105 And eventually, there were humans swarming everywhere 1.4379 0.03188 443 294 104 45
106 You know what’s scary? That you can work a flashlight. 1.4378 0.03269 434 291 96 47
107 It was a dark and scary night in a land called Honalee… 1.4374 0.03203 455 306 99 50
108 You didn’t have to eat them. They would have let you play with the flashlight if you just asked. 1.4374 0.03257 439 295 96 48
109 He was Purple. And his name was Barney. 1.4355 0.03348 434 297 85 52
110 Just turn it off your gonna attract Monthras 1.4352 0.03246 432 289 98 45
111 And in millions of years you are turned into...OIL 1.4352 0.03179 432 285 106 41
112 Do any of these stories end with us winning? 1.4346 0.03217 428 284 102 42
113 Tell me, do I look like I'm extinct!? 1.4333 0.03330 420 284 90 46
114 And then we all became extinct, without getting credit for discovering fire or inventing the flashlight. 1.4323 0.03307 421 284 92 45
115 Where did you find batteries?" 1.4313 0.03249 422 282 98 42
116 The scary part is when the little monkeys lose their hair and take over the world. 1.4312 0.03408 429 298 77 54
117 Then the evil knight in shining armor slayed the poor dragon and escaped with the wicked princess. 1.4300 0.03276 414 277 96 41
118 Forget it, Eddie, you'll never look like Godzilla. 1.4300 0.03517 414 291 68 55
119 Do I have any Boy Scout in my teeth? 1.4289 0.03292 408 273 95 40
120 Good try Dave but Tucker Carlson is still scarier. 1.4282 0.03433 411 284 78 49
121 The phonecall is coming from inside your stomach! 1.4279 0.03401 402 274 84 44
122 … and then the last human looked at me and said: I thought you didn’t exist! And I said: welcome to extinction, pal! 1.4279 0.03613 402 286 60 56
123 …and then they forgot to cancel the free trial. 1.4275 0.03310 414 280 91 43
124 ... Then they took this old stuff out of the ground and burned it, and the planet got hot, and the water rose, and they became extinct. The end 1.4275 0.03458 407 282 76 49
125 It’s not scary and you’re wasting batteries. 1.4267 0.03432 382 258 85 39
126 I call it "fire to go." 1.4261 0.03418 399 273 82 44
127 You've still got camper stuck between your teeth. 1.4253 0.03425 395 270 82 43
128 And then someone yelled, “IT’S AN ASTEROID!” 1.4249 0.03380 393 266 87 40
129 Yes, I see it now--I'll get the tweezers 1.4247 0.03344 405 275 88 42
130 And then the humans searched for the dead dinosaurs’ bones, put them together like a puzzle, and displayed them for other humans’ ENJOYMENT! 1.4242 0.03346 389 261 91 37
131 Quit trying to scare me with extinction stories! 1.4236 0.03343 399 270 89 40
132 ...And the birds were US the whole time! 1.4231 0.03320 390 261 93 36
133 Long ago humans roamed the land. 1.4223 0.03443 386 264 81 41
134 Do that one where Kari Lake hears she lost. 1.4220 0.03634 391 279 59 53
135 You said to pack light.” 1.4219 0.03534 384 267 72 45
136 You still have a piece of camper stuck between your teeth. 1.4206 0.03455 378 258 81 39
137 So … do I look extinct now? 1.4202 0.03385 376 253 88 35
138 Chicken... they tasted like chicken. 1.4199 0.03514 381 264 74 43
139 Got it on Amazon, free delivery, and the delivery person was delicious 1.4198 0.03662 374 265 61 48
140 And an asteroid hit the earth and turned us all into petro-chemicals. The end. Hahahah, I got you! 1.4198 0.03522 374 258 75 41
141 Stop it! It makes you look like Ted Cruz. 1.4191 0.03430 408 285 75 48
142 Here's a trick to scare off predators at night. 1.4182 0.03274 373 246 98 29
143 Then he said, "I'm a paleontologist." 1.4181 0.03489 354 239 82 33
144 Then I told them I was going to run for a third time in 2024. 1.4180 0.03612 378 267 64 47
145 See, from below, it makes even a face like mine look scary. 1.4178 0.03501 371 255 77 39
146 And then we return as gas! 1.4173 0.03408 369 249 86 34
147 Noah’s yacht party was today?! 1.4169 0.03486 367 251 79 37
148 And then the foolish human walked right up to me and said 'nice Halloween costume!' 1.4160 0.03491 363 248 79 36
149 Oooh, you scared me! I can't wait to get home under Billy's bed! 1.4160 0.03599 363 253 69 41
150 And no one - I mean no one- had a plan to knock it off course! 1.4134 0.03569 358 248 72 38
151 Don't know what's scarier, the flashlight trick or you starting this campfire with your breath. 1.4129 0.03584 356 247 71 38
152 And when you do this they run away screaming! 1.4118 0.03372 374 254 86 34
153 Any idea how they got the fire inside this thing?" 1.4114 0.03395 350 234 88 28
154 And after they turned him purple, they named him Barney! 1.4103 0.03366 368 249 87 32
155 And then a giant ball of fire fell from the sky and BOO, everyone died. 1.4099 0.03459 344 232 83 29
156 Relax, it's just a scary story! Like extinction could ever really happen! 1.4095 0.03510 337 228 80 29
157 Do you see this face? It's not a happy one. You were supposed to bring the marshmallows. 1.4094 0.03642 342 238 68 36
158 Does this make me look scary? 1.4092 0.03510 347 237 78 32
159 When Fred didn't laugh at his jokes, Bob realized just how cold blooded his friend really was. 1.4092 0.03446 369 254 79 36
160 Do I have anyone in my teeth? 1.4092 0.03592 369 261 65 43
161 You know you can beathe fire, right? 1.4083 0.03697 338 237 64 37
162 '"We might be scary and ugly now but in a million years, kids will love us." 1.4078 0.03652 358 254 62 42
163 I camp out here to recharge my batteries.” 1.4075 0.03835 346 251 49 46
164 But its just a theory though, right? 1.4074 0.03193 378 251 100 27
165 Turn that off! We're gonna need those batteries when we reach Tokyo tomorrow night. 1.4064 0.03616 342 238 69 35
166 So, my Mom the astronomer says we're in for a big surprise. 1.4064 0.03640 342 239 67 36
167 Matt Gratz? Lauren Boebert? No - wait - I got it! Marjorie Taylor Greene!!! 1.4054 0.03760 333 236 59 38
168 Not the one about the meteor again. 1.4051 0.03555 353 246 71 36
169 Is there anyone in my teeth? 1.4048 0.03473 331 223 82 26
170 The great fireball struck, then there was darkness… just kidding! 1.4042 0.03628 334 232 69 33
171 And then they crawl up your leg and suck your blood. They’re called ‘ticks’. 1.4042 0.03845 334 241 51 42
172 Look! I’m a lounge lizard! 1.4036 0.03517 332 226 78 28
173 Oh no, not that meteorite story again. 1.4034 0.03547 357 250 70 37
174 Finally, illumination without incineration. 1.4031 0.03675 325 226 67 32
175 No, honestly, you're scarier in daylight. 1.4029 0.03458 340 231 81 28
176 Enough with the giant stone that will fall from the sky and wipe us all out. Tell me something scary! 1.4018 0.03398 326 217 87 22
177 Nope. You're still not scary. 1.4012 0.03576 324 222 74 28
178 And then....BOO! Extinction! 1.4011 0.03344 349 235 88 26
179 And to this day humans are credited with inventing fire. 1.4006 0.03632 317 218 71 28
180 Nope still there. Let me get you some Dino-Floss. 1.4006 0.03724 322 226 63 33
181 I did the monster mash. It was a campground smash. 1.4006 0.03416 342 232 83 27
182 The child said "Mommy there is a monster in the closet" and the Mom said "No there isn't let me show you" She opens the door. Oh the look on her face was priceless. Thats why I do this work. 1.4000 0.03792 320 227 58 35
183 And then the little boy crept up very quietly and pushed him into the tar pit... 1.4000 0.03552 320 218 76 26
184 Cool it, Bill. Those batteries have to last for at least 66 million years. 1.4000 0.04383 230 161 46 23
185 Using a flashlight instead of your phone? That’s prehistoric. 1.3988 0.03704 321 225 64 32
186 Do I have any princess in my teeth? 1.3987 0.03827 316 225 56 35
187 Calm down. We can just lay back and watch meteors. 1.3968 0.03264 315 205 95 15
188 Scaredy cat! There's no such thing as meteors! 1.3968 0.03617 315 217 71 27
189 Yes, you mentioned that you got your teeth whitened. 1.3968 0.03727 315 221 63 31
190 You need a cell phone for a selfie, you idiot! 1.3968 0.03853 310 221 55 34
191 And it all happened 25 million years ago, on a night…just…like…tonight… 1.3961 0.03732 308 215 64 29
192 To be honest, under-lighting is really not flattering to your facial structure. 1.3961 0.03646 308 212 70 26
193 If I let you use the flashlight, can we go hide under the bed before it's Timmy's bedtime? 1.3941 0.03795 307 217 59 31
194 How about we reduce our carbon footprint and just go bump in the night. 1.3940 0.03285 302 196 93 13
195 And then he digs your bones from the ground and puts you back together for everyone to see! 1.3930 0.03516 341 238 72 31
196 Read my lips. There's no way we'll ever go extinct. 1.3926 0.03759 298 208 63 27
197 Do I still have Boy Scout in my teeth? 1.3913 0.03779 299 210 61 28
198 Come on, man, this story about climate change is a hoax. Tell us the one about the asteroid! 1.3912 0.03855 294 208 57 29
199 You do realize that you're speaking into a flashlight. 1.3902 0.03828 287 201 60 26
200 Do I have any s’more stuck in my teeth? 1.3902 0.03838 305 218 55 32
201 …and their entire economy will be fueled by our decomposing bones 1.3902 0.03724 305 214 63 28
202 Please, no more people stories! 1.3897 0.03861 290 205 57 28
203 It's just not scary since you had botox. 1.3893 0.03903 298 214 52 32
204 I hate online dating and no, you still don't look like your picture! 1.3891 0.03771 293 205 62 26
205 Don’t try to make a joke out of this. YOU forgot the marshmallows. 1.3887 0.03577 301 206 73 22
206 And then there was ice everywhere! For ages! 1.3875 0.03775 289 202 62 25
207 You really need to floss more often. 1.3868 0.03825 287 202 59 26
208 And then they glued his skeleton back together and charged humans money to see him 1.3864 0.03719 295 206 64 25
209 Any of that tent still stuck in my teeth? 1.3859 0.03661 298 207 67 24
210 Have you ever heard the story of the hairless biped? 1.3843 0.03713 281 194 66 21
211 Then the asteroid hit, and wiped out all the humans. 1.3835 0.04030 279 202 47 30
212 Ummm…I don’t know. Are you “Barney”? Dammit Carl, I give up. 1.3826 0.03897 298 216 50 32
213 Geez, do you have to tell the one about the asteroid again? 1.3822 0.04785 191 137 35 19
214 Stop it! There is no such thing as monsters! 1.3818 0.03905 275 195 55 25
215 But the asteroid was coming much closer to Earth than astronomers had projected! 1.3818 0.03837 275 193 59 23
216 Do I look extinct to you? 1.3810 0.03820 273 191 60 22
217 And they loved fossil fuels. 1.3810 0.03820 273 191 60 22
218 These campfire stories would be scarier if we weren't at the top of the food chain 1.3801 0.03739 292 206 61 25
219 My name is Larry, and my pronoun is 'it'. 1.3801 0.04081 271 197 45 29
220 And the giant rock in the sky just kept getting bigger and bigger... 1.3800 0.03875 300 218 50 32
221 And then they put your bones back together piece by piece to display for their little ones. 1.3798 0.03912 287 207 51 29
222 ...and when he turned around, he saw the meteor was right behind him! 1.3787 0.03597 301 210 68 23
223 This is my 'come hither' look. 1.3787 0.03756 272 189 63 20
224 It's a souvenir from the guy I had for lunch. 1.3783 0.03878 267 188 57 22
225 Dad, what's an asteroid? 1.3782 0.03867 275 195 56 24
226 But we're rechargeable, right?” 1.3773 0.04218 273 204 35 34
227 And then they'll display our bones in museums! 1.3772 0.03600 289 200 69 20
228 Now do a bunny. 1.3769 0.03829 268 188 59 21
229 I'm not sure. It's either spinach or someone green that you ate. 1.3769 0.03973 268 192 51 25
230 That's nothing. I saw a mammal yesterday! 1.3768 0.03643 284 197 67 20
231 And then, they used us for fuel 1.3764 0.03763 271 189 62 20
232 Do I have any people in my teeth? 1.3763 0.04054 279 205 43 31
233 I don't know what it is, either, but the guy I got it from was delicious. 1.3750 0.03755 264 183 63 18
234 And then he killed them in cold blood. Or warm blood? Frankly nobody’s sure. 1.3741 0.03587 294 205 68 21
235 You scare me when you talk like that. Small rodents-like creatures evolving to replace us, no way! 1.3741 0.03770 270 189 61 20
236 I've been carrying a torch for you for so long.” 1.3741 0.04315 270 205 29 36
237 Do I have any brave knight in my teeth? 1.3735 0.03940 257 182 54 21
238 And then all the dinosaurs were subjected to demeaning occupations by a human named Flintstone. 1.3735 0.04017 257 184 50 23
239 Yes, you look scary. Stop being so insecure. 1.3731 0.03869 260 183 57 20
240 I'd like to announce my 2024 presidential bid. 1.3726 0.04164 263 194 40 29
241 The asteroid got bigger and bigger and BIGGER… 1.3722 0.04024 266 193 47 26
242 And it turned out the call was coming from INSIDE THE CAVE! 1.3716 0.03933 261 186 53 22
243 And I ate them happily ever after. 1.3715 0.04021 253 181 50 22
244 And that’s what fossil fuels are! 1.3713 0.03889 272 195 53 24
245 And then they elected him AGAIN!!! 1.3712 0.04185 264 196 38 30
246 You're frightening me. You look like Majorie Taylor Greene! 1.3711 0.04283 256 191 35 30
247 Trust me- 65 million years from now, they’ll still be saying “Boo!” 1.3707 0.03915 259 184 54 21
248 CAREFUL: That's a knight light." 1.3702 0.03883 262 186 55 21
249 Oh, will you evolve, already? 1.3701 0.03889 254 179 56 19
250 So you remembered the flashlight but forgot the marshmallows? 1.3695 0.04221 249 183 40 26
251 ..and then, a giant meteorite hit earth and killed all the humans....ahhh.. 1.3692 0.03883 279 202 51 26
252 Remind me to floss...... 1.3690 0.03828 252 176 59 17
253 Anybody here from the Early Cretaceous Period? 1.3686 0.03916 255 181 54 20
254 And then Donald Trump was elected again. 1.3684 0.04283 247 183 37 27
255 Is there a camper stuck between my teeth? 1.3678 0.03656 261 180 66 15
256 ...and frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called Honah Lee... 1.3673 0.04027 245 175 50 20
257 Stop it! Mom and Dad say Humans aren't real and can't mess up our planet through systemic pollution and climate change! 1.3664 0.03989 262 190 48 24
258 Great, now I'm too scared to eat anybody else 1.3658 0.03852 257 182 56 19
259 and then hundreds of little monsters called "cub scouts" rampaged through the forest... 1.3655 0.04019 249 179 49 21
260 And it wasn't an asteroid, just a Chinese spy balloon. 1.3651 0.04113 241 174 46 21
261 Please, not another asteroid story! 1.3651 0.03942 241 170 54 17
262 Don’t scare me like that, Frank - I almost coughed up a camper! 1.3651 0.03984 252 181 50 21
263 The whitening looks great but you ate the dentist”? 1.3646 0.04446 192 136 42 14
264 Please, enough with your asteroid stories. They scare me 1.3640 0.03951 228 159 55 14
265 See any signs of evolution? 1.3640 0.04094 239 172 47 20
266 And then, the humans elected Trump. 1.3640 0.04277 250 187 35 28
267 If you scare away the campers,we will not be able to eat them. 1.3640 0.03842 250 176 57 17
268 You think the vanishing hitchhiker is scary? Wait till I tell you what happens to us. 1.3636 0.04049 253 184 46 23
269 Nope. Not scarier. 1.3633 0.03763 245 170 61 14
270 Here's one Uncle Rex taught me. 1.3629 0.03819 248 174 58 16
271 ...he had a nose, skin, hair, and worst of all: opposable thumbs. 1.3629 0.04117 237 171 46 20
272 But asteroids aren’t real, are they? 1.3629 0.04073 237 170 48 19
273 And then the stores ran out of toilet paper 1.3625 0.04149 251 185 41 25
274 I got this off a guy who was hiding under my bed. 1.3622 0.04074 254 186 44 24
275 Stop trying to scare me. Last night's asteroid story was bad enough. 1.3621 0.04167 243 178 42 23
276 And then wars will be fought over your liquid bones! 1.3621 0.04001 243 174 50 19
277 You are never more than three feet away from a spider, or a comet. 1.3608 0.04173 255 190 38 27
278 It's just a story, there's no space rock that will kill us all! 1.3603 0.03994 247 178 49 20
279 Oooh, I'm a meteorite headed for Earth! 1.3590 0.04014 234 167 50 17
280 ...and she awoke the next morning with FEATHERS. 1.3590 0.04322 234 174 36 24
281 Just imagine when they find this with our fossils in a couple million years!! 1.3581 0.04120 229 165 46 18
282 And the meteor got closer, and closer and then... 1.3577 0.04084 246 180 44 22
283 It's not bad, but I still think it was more intimidating when we could breathe fire. 1.3574 0.03954 235 167 52 16
284 …and they call that place the American Museum of Natural History 1.3574 0.04045 235 169 48 18
285 ..and he had a hand for a claw. 1.3574 0.04110 263 197 38 28
286 ....and then I ate Little Jackie Paper. 1.3568 0.04191 227 165 43 19
287 How can we reflect on the past when there hasn't been one yet? 1.3568 0.03902 227 159 55 13
288 I don’t actually know the end of the scary story because I was too hungry to let the camper finish. 1.3562 0.04332 233 174 35 24
289 Then she said “ What big teeth you have Grandmother!” 1.3562 0.03976 233 166 51 16
290 And then a meteor flew down from the sky and wiped out our entire species! And millions of years later the newest and most evolved species would live to reenact all of our ugliest and worst moments for their own entertainment. 1.3560 0.03913 250 180 51 19
291 Implants or real? 1.3556 0.04215 225 164 42 19
292 And if the meteor wasn't enough, the "humans" will put our bones on display and claim they invented fire. 1.3556 0.04168 225 163 44 18
293 And then we went extinct! 1.3554 0.03872 242 172 54 16
294 Stop that! It makes you look like a human. 1.3550 0.03902 231 163 54 14
295 Look... Now I'm even scarier 1.3544 0.04061 237 172 46 19
296 Now that I‘ve invented fire I can get rid of this stupid flashlight. 1.3544 0.04275 237 177 36 24
297 Hey, stop playing with that thing! It's worth a lot since humans have become extinct. 1.3544 0.04275 237 177 36 24
298 I found this with my last meal. 1.3543 0.04192 223 162 43 18
299 And then this big rock started to fall out of the sky 1.3540 0.04152 226 164 44 18
300 So you figured out a portal to the future and brought back a light. I must be high. 1.3537 0.04114 229 166 45 18
301 Did I get some of him stuck in my teeth? 1.3516 0.04242 219 160 41 18
302 And in 200 million years your bones will be reassembled incorrectly and displayed in the mammal museums. 1.3516 0.04292 219 161 39 19
303 Gee, Pops, did he ever concede the election? 1.3514 0.04297 222 164 38 20
304 And the giant asteroid got closer and closer. . . 1.3511 0.04113 225 163 45 17
305 Now that I’ve invented fire, I’m going to run for Congress. 1.3511 0.04255 225 166 39 20
306 Not only do they taste good...they have cool gadgets. 1.3498 0.04038 223 160 48 15
307 It had hair growing out of its head... and was warm-blooded! 1.3488 0.04294 215 158 39 18
308 I'll show you scary. I forgot the marshmallows. 1.3484 0.04259 221 163 39 19
309 "And then he decided to run for President again." 1.3478 0.04228 230 171 38 21
310 Then a meteor comes and all of our grandchildren become birds. 1.3472 0.04123 216 156 45 15
311 But asteroids aren't real,right? 1.3472 0.04071 216 155 47 14
312 And then they built an entire civilization based on a non-renewable resource made from our bones 1.3472 0.04277 216 159 39 18
313 And then one day the new two-legged animals discover fossil fuels!! 1.3465 0.03971 228 164 49 15
314 And just then, a big burning ball of fire hurtled toward the earth. 1.3463 0.04257 231 173 36 22
315 Have you ever heard the one about the meteor from outer space? 1.3453 0.04226 223 165 39 19
316 I don't think that's how you take a selfie. 1.3448 0.04107 232 171 42 19
317 Film, two words 1.3445 0.04479 209 157 32 20
318 We all die, and then the little furry mammals take over! 1.3445 0.04159 209 151 44 14
319 That's great and all, Steve, but we can breathe fire. 1.3444 0.04682 180 133 32 15
320 The comet one's scarier. 1.3443 0.03952 212 150 51 11
321 The Dawn Of The Dad Joke 1.3442 0.04131 215 156 44 15
322 It was a dark and stormy Late Cretaceous Epoch... 1.3440 0.04092 218 158 45 15
323 Wow! When you hold the flashlight like that you look just like a monster. 1.3429 0.04357 210 156 36 18
324 And during dodge ball they laughed at Rex and called him tiny arms'. 1.3426 0.04219 216 159 40 17
325 That’s not on my Paleo diet 1.3423 0.04038 222 161 46 15
326 this is my museum pose 1.3420 0.04161 231 172 39 20
327 And then he said: "The call is coming from inside the cave!!!" 1.3415 0.04152 205 148 44 13
328 What’s scary about it to me is how much all your future orthodontic work is going to cost us 1.3411 0.04244 214 158 39 17
329 I still say breathing real fire is scarier. 1.3411 0.04396 214 161 33 20
330 And that’s when puberty hit me like an asteroid 1.3408 0.04122 223 164 42 17
331 And then? They were EXTINCT! Boo ha ha ha ha! 1.3405 0.04190 232 174 37 21
332 And then he realized that the little human boy was RIGHT UNDER THE BED! 1.3399 0.04292 203 149 39 15
333 And when he looked on top of the bed, there was a little kid under the sheets! 1.3398 0.04412 206 154 34 18
334 That makes the scales on the back of my back stand up… 1.3396 0.04270 212 157 38 17
335 …and if you listen carefully, you can still hear him to this day… singing “I love you…you love me…” 1.3396 0.04373 212 159 34 19
336 He froze as he entered the museum. It was his mom and dad, but only their skeletons. 1.3396 0.04217 212 156 40 16
337 How many times do I have to tell you "Yes, you're scary!" 1.3392 0.04019 227 166 45 16
338 Let's roast s'more campers. 1.3391 0.03947 233 170 47 16
339 One day a small two-legged creature will rule and ruin the earth 1.3391 0.04130 233 174 39 20
340 It was a dark and stormy night. An asteroid appeared in the sky. 1.3388 0.03942 245 181 45 19
341 You'd look just like Tucker Carlson if you had a bow tie! 1.3382 0.04551 207 158 28 21
342 Are you ever going to evolve? 1.3381 0.04452 210 159 31 20
343 And then they put us in gas tanks. 1.3381 0.04242 210 155 39 16
344 Ok, yes….you look like a monster. 1.3380 0.03928 213 152 50 11
345 These disgusting creatures don't even use eggs. They grow their brood inside. Inside their bodies! Mamal mia! 1.3380 0.04253 213 158 38 17
346 Let me tell you why I think global freezing is a myth. 1.3379 0.03910 219 157 50 12
347 Nice try, Eugene, but humans are a lot scarier. 1.3377 0.04062 231 171 42 18
348 OK, now can I breathe on the s'mores? 1.3367 0.04462 199 149 33 17
349 .....and then they all disappeared!!" 1.3365 0.03928 208 148 50 10
350 And all of the sudden, there was a loud BOOM! 1.3365 0.04268 208 154 38 16
351 ...And then they switched to renewables, but it was TOO LATE! 1.3364 0.04103 220 162 42 16
352 What big teeth you have, Gramma. 1.3362 0.03941 229 167 47 15
353 Oh Jim! Did you eat the last Boy Scout!??! 1.3350 0.04254 197 144 40 13
354 You we’re scarier when I couldn’t see you. 1.3350 0.04210 200 146 41 13
355 And when she got out of the car, hanging from the door handle… was a velociraptor claw! 1.3350 0.04183 206 151 41 14
356 And THAT'S how much college will cost in 46 million years! 1.3349 0.04029 209 151 46 12
357 That's weird Bob, it DOES make you look less scary. 1.3349 0.04167 215 159 40 16
358 Do you realize how hard it is to change batteries without thumbs? 1.3333 0.04219 195 142 41 12
359 Yeah, you heard right, the kid literally thought he could tame me. 1.3333 0.03747 228 163 54 11
360 Who said short arms are useless? 1.3333 0.03861 192 134 52 6
361 And then the huge asteroid came and killed all the scary, mean humans and we lived happily ever after. 1.3333 0.04170 222 166 38 18
362 Suddenly, a big, hairy hand reached under the bed. 1.3333 0.03975 213 154 47 12
363 …and to this day that adorable little girl and her killer puppy live in these very woods! 1.3333 0.04236 198 145 40 13
364 Marjorie Taylor-Greene? Wait! George Santos! 1.3333 0.04641 198 152 26 20
365 Your going to give me knightmares. 1.3333 0.04045 216 158 44 14
366 If you think this is scary, wait till I tell you what I saw coming at us through my telescope last night! 1.3318 0.04095 220 163 41 16
367 And millions of years from now, what's left of you will power a Toyota Camry for about 2.1 highway miles. 1.3318 0.04374 211 160 32 19
368 If he only knew how ridiculous he looks," she thought. "First dates suck. 1.3317 0.04204 208 154 39 15
369 Oh relax,the two-legged hairless ape is just a myth. 1.3316 0.04245 193 141 40 12
370 If anything, you look less scary. 1.3304 0.03940 224 164 46 14
371 And the meteor grew closer, and closer... 1.3303 0.04028 221 163 43 15
372 I look hot! right? 1.3303 0.03977 221 162 45 14
373 Some say humans still roam these woods. 1.3302 0.04037 212 155 44 13
374 Please Marvin, its hard enough to look at you in the dark. 1.3302 0.04356 212 161 32 19
375 The meteor headed closer and closer... 1.3300 0.04433 200 151 32 17
376 And then a giant meteor hit the earth and wiped out all the humans except for the few we devoured very soon thereafter. 1.3299 0.04289 194 143 38 13
377 Stop it dad, you know that Jimmy Fallon face really freaks me out! 1.3299 0.04351 194 144 36 14
378 You’ve got a face for radio. 1.3298 0.04399 191 142 35 14
379 The children laughed and sang and roasted marshmallows… then went to sleep, UNAFRAID! 1.3298 0.04116 188 135 44 9
380 There is no future in being cold blooded. 1.3298 0.04384 188 139 36 13
381 You really should have had braces. 1.3298 0.04318 188 138 38 12
382 ...and to this day, if you listen carefully on the wind, you can still hear the echoes of the creature screaming, 'Not imaginary?!' 1.3297 0.04298 185 135 39 11
383 Meh, still not scary. 1.3287 0.03983 216 158 45 13
384 Again,there is no cilantro in your teeth. 1.3284 0.04368 204 154 33 17
385 I saw the boy scouts we ate do this. 1.3284 0.04140 204 150 41 13
386 His human friends called him George, and he was no saint. 1.3281 0.04317 192 142 37 13
387 Don't you just know some Neanderthal is going to come along and take credit for discovering fire and light" 1.3280 0.04615 189 144 28 17
388 ….and after the meteor, the mammals took over. 1.3280 0.04428 189 141 34 14
389 I love the way it lights up my smile. 1.3280 0.04364 189 140 36 13
390 I give up. Are you a dinosaur or a dragon? 1.3280 0.04553 189 143 30 16
391 You know what's really scary, global climate change deniers." 1.3280 0.04346 186 137 37 12
392 Then the hideous monster with the long hair sprouting from its head stood up on its two legs and began to…. 1.3280 0.04478 186 139 33 14
393 It’s a souvenir from that Jurassic Park scientist I ate. 1.3280 0.04730 186 143 25 18
394 And then this hairless, scaleless creature said, “go ahead. Look under the bed” 1.3273 0.04236 220 167 34 19
395 We’ve got to go electric or we could cause the end of an era. 1.3269 0.04250 208 156 36 16
396 And that's supposed to be your scary face? 1.3269 0.04083 208 153 42 13
397 And then this giant fireball from the sky comes down and makes it cloudy and chilly and...poof...no more summer camp for you!" 1.3267 0.04282 202 151 36 15
398 Did that caveman get stuck in my teeth? 1.3266 0.04086 199 145 43 11
399 … then he said, “I thought you all were dead!”, dropped this, and ran away! 1.3262 0.04259 187 137 39 11
400 …and that’s how the humans became extinct. 1.3262 0.04392 187 139 35 13
401 Not the silly story about the asteroid. I want something believable 1.3262 0.04326 187 138 37 12
402 And that's supposed to scare me? I was in a tiny elevator with Rudy Giulani the other day. 1.3262 0.04647 187 143 27 17
403 Did the white strips work? 1.3262 0.04521 187 141 31 15
404 When you hold the flashlight like this you can make yourself look scary. 1.3261 0.04306 184 135 38 11
405 Hey Marty, how scary is this? 1.3259 0.04178 224 170 35 19
406 And they say that even today, St. George wanders these woods with his bloody sword, looking for the dragon that dared to abduct his beloved damsel. 1.3256 0.04452 215 167 26 22
407 Makes me look scary..right? 1.3251 0.04206 203 151 38 14
408 It's Johnny! 1.3250 0.04068 200 146 43 11
409 And then he said he was running for office again. 1.3247 0.04402 194 146 33 15
410 He was scaring little kids like this, I ate him and took it. 1.3246 0.04388 191 143 34 14
411 Supposedly, there is a energized bunny in here 1.3246 0.03924 191 136 48 7
412 Then grandpa Godzilla walked straight into the power lines and his face looked like this 1.3246 0.04195 191 140 40 11
413 And then we were gone, completely extinct. Museums displayed some of our bones and the scrawny little apes made tiny plastic toys of us for their children to play with. 1.3245 0.04240 188 138 39 11
414 Probably not a good time to bring this up, but I have been seeing another Godzilla. 1.3245 0.04625 188 144 27 17
415 Slowly, slowly, the asteroid crept toward the earth. 1.3243 0.04552 185 140 30 15
416 Here's a little trick I picked up from Troop 155. 1.3242 0.03989 219 162 43 14
417 ...and then the knight, riding a speeding horse, came charging down the hill waving a sharp sword, aimed right for the poor baby dragon's neck. 1.3237 0.04089 207 153 41 13
418 And off in the distance they saw a large fiery ball growing larger and larger until… 1.3235 0.04188 204 152 38 14
419 I don’t get it. You can light a fire, you’re entertaining, got your own cave but you’ve never been married? 1.3234 0.04112 201 148 41 12
420 But can your fire do this? 1.3228 0.04417 189 142 33 14
421 They were nice and sang and toasted little white things. They were called g-i-r-l s-c-o-u-t-s. 1.3226 0.04334 186 138 36 12
422 And they say, the Headless Knight is still hunting dragons to this very day. 1.3224 0.04172 183 133 41 9
423 And then one night, little Jackie Paper came no more! 1.3218 0.04441 202 155 29 18
424 Not the one about the asteroid again... 1.3218 0.04272 202 152 35 15
425 ...and the meteor was coming from inside the house! 1.3216 0.04433 199 152 30 17
426 6 months of Invisalign right here 1.3211 0.04460 190 144 31 15
427 Can you believe Spielberg said I was too ugly? 1.3209 0.04315 187 139 36 12
428 Can you still see the bags under my eyes? 1.3209 0.04179 187 137 40 10
429 Truth or scare? 1.3207 0.04081 184 133 43 8
430 Stop it! You look like a human. 1.3204 0.04616 181 138 28 15
431 No dad, do a scary face! 1.3204 0.04096 206 153 40 13
432 And then the voice said, ‘I want my marshmallows back’” 1.3202 0.04603 178 135 29 14
433 This is so cool. The only thing that could mess this up is an asteroid, and that’s never going to happen. 1.3194 0.04117 191 140 41 10
434 This is what he was doing just before I ate him! 1.3192 0.04056 213 159 40 14
435 Here's how it goes: you hide, and wait for the adult to do this. Then all the children scream. THEN you jump out and eat them. 1.3191 0.04614 188 145 26 17
436 and they made him into.... DINO NUGGETS! 1.3191 0.04295 188 140 36 12
437 It creeps me out when you put on your politician smile. 1.3189 0.04605 185 142 27 16
438 And having these straightened cost me ten thousand bucks. 1.3189 0.04274 185 137 37 11
439 And then... he becomes president! 1.3187 0.04594 182 139 28 15
440 Yeah, they were delicious and they have great toys! 1.3184 0.04441 179 134 33 12
441 ...and thus we are the remaining survivors, doomed to appear in B-rated movies and theme parks. 1.3184 0.04394 201 154 30 17
442 You have a small piece of Neanderthal stuck between your teeth. 1.3182 0.04143 198 147 39 12
443 I think I have someone stuck in my teeth. 1.3182 0.04346 176 130 36 10
444 Ok, you have convinced me... With that smile and those ideas, you COULD make it in American Politics." 1.3182 0.04705 176 135 26 15
445 It was a light and clear day… 1.3179 0.04371 195 148 32 15
446 Is it still in my teeth? 1.3179 0.04620 173 131 29 13
447 and all the little T-Rexes died, and they turned into gasoline 1.3177 0.04165 192 142 39 11
448 ...and they were worried about bears... 1.3169 0.04506 183 139 30 14
449 I can pretend to be scared, or, you could just stop doing that. 1.3169 0.04370 183 137 34 12
450 It’s scary ‘cause it’s true ! 1.3167 0.04490 180 136 31 13
451 I see extinct people. 1.3163 0.04352 196 149 32 15
452 ...and then he said, "Yes the planet got destroyed. But for a beautiful moment in time we created a lot of value for shareholders.". 1.3158 0.04799 171 132 24 15
453 Further evidence that we are doomed as a species. 1.3152 0.04485 184 140 30 14
454 Would you like to taste some of my Tea,Rex? 1.3152 0.04550 184 141 28 15
455 And then.. they evolved! 1.3152 0.04485 184 140 30 14
456 And then, I crushed Tokyo! 1.3152 0.04140 184 135 40 9
457 Brushing AND flossing, Hank! 1.3152 0.04281 184 137 36 11
458 And in the future they will use our decomposing bodies to power their machines, and heat heat their homes! 1.3152 0.04485 184 140 30 14
459 Do I have someone in my teeth? 1.3149 0.04257 181 134 37 10
460 Do I have s’mores in my teeth? 1.3149 0.04537 181 138 29 14
461 …and then an asteroid hits and brings on an Ice Age. End of scary stories and time for bed. 1.3136 0.04687 169 129 27 13
462 Then BOOM we all died! 1.3136 0.04835 169 131 23 15
463 ….and he’s purple…and his name is Barney 1.3136 0.04687 169 129 27 13
464 And then juvenile mammals will come to look at your bones…Forever! 1.3135 0.04397 185 140 32 13
465 But it wasn't a new moon, it was an asteroid! 1.3132 0.04378 182 137 33 12
466 I'll be here all millennium. 1.3128 0.04428 179 135 32 12
467 Wow! These batteries have lasted like forever. 1.3128 0.04538 195 152 25 18
468 Then he realized - the call was coming from inside his stomach! 1.3125 0.04590 192 150 24 18
469 All because of one stupid meteor? 1.3122 0.04092 205 154 38 13
470 Wow! Fire and a flashlight! This is going to drive the palaeontologists crazy! 1.3119 0.04476 202 158 25 19
471 So did you eat him before or after you took the flashlight? 1.3118 0.04434 170 127 33 10
472 The whitener changes everything. 1.3118 0.04663 170 130 27 13
473 Honestly? Scarier without. 1.3115 0.04073 183 134 41 8
474 I liked the one about the asteroid better. 1.3115 0.04288 183 137 35 11
475 And then...they all lost their scales and became...birds. 1.3111 0.04264 180 134 36 10
476 But the treasure room was empty, for the horde of coins was all crypto currency, and never real to begin with! 1.3111 0.04407 180 136 32 12
477 And the huge asteroid came hurtling down and killed everybody! 1.3111 0.04264 180 134 36 10
478 Attached to every light is a delicious grain fed human. 1.3111 0.04875 180 143 18 19
479 It's called a hot flash. 1.3111 0.04407 180 136 32 12
480 And she said: "Grandma, what big teeth you have!" 1.3107 0.04458 177 134 31 12
481 But the 'weather balloon' was..an...ASTEROID! 1.3107 0.04385 177 133 33 11
482 On a dark and stormy night, an asteroid the size of a titanosaurus turd hurling toward its fateful destiny with Earth… 1.3103 0.04655 174 134 26 14
483 I miss the old days when we just breathed fire. 1.3103 0.04206 174 128 38 8
484 And then Donald Trump was re-elected! 1.3103 0.04584 174 133 28 13
485 Then one night it happened, Jackie Paper came no more.... 1.3102 0.04486 187 144 28 15
486 Don't do that. You look like a member of congress. 1.3102 0.04613 187 146 24 17
487 ...A ...and then he said. “We’re the lucky ones. Asteroids never hit the same planet twice.” 1.3102 0.04222 187 140 36 11
488 and it had really long arms 1.3099 0.04857 171 134 21 16
489 Frankly not any scarier 1.3098 0.04268 184 138 35 11
490 Read my lips! Next winter in Florida! 1.3098 0.04198 184 137 37 10
491 So, have you heard all this global warming nonsense? I figure it's about as likely as getting hit by a meteor. 1.3095 0.04301 168 124 36 8
492 Your choice—scary stories or sing-along? 1.3091 0.04435 165 123 33 9
493 Woooooooh! I'm veeeeegaaaaan. 1.3091 0.06023 110 86 14 10
494 Do I look scary now? 1.3090 0.04364 178 134 33 11
495 You know your scary face looks a lot like your regular face. 1.3088 0.04156 204 155 35 14
496 And then... a SCARY ROCK FELL FROM THE SKY! 1.3086 0.04263 175 130 36 9
497 …and the comet came closer, and closer, and CLOSER!!! 1.3085 0.04591 188 147 24 17
498 Stop it with the scary stories Carl… we all know humans aren’t real. 1.3085 0.04466 188 145 28 15
499 And…. then the fleshy humans took over and destroyed themselves AND the planet! 1.3085 0.04466 188 145 28 15
500 And boom! A meteor wiped us out. 1.3081 0.04389 172 129 33 10
501 And now for my rendition of 'John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt.'" 1.3081 0.04182 198 150 35 13
502 Lose the grin. 1.3077 0.04112 169 123 40 6
503 If you're so smart, which one of these three things will extinguish first ? 1.3073 0.04074 192 143 39 10
504 This is a nice fire those campers made. I wonder what scared them away? 1.3071 0.05535 127 99 17 11
505 ... and everybody became oil and dildos and breast implants.... 1.3067 0.04632 163 124 28 11
506 And then there was...another balloon! 1.3067 0.04632 163 124 28 11
507 And they drilled the rods through Timmy’s skull and bolted them to his thorax for docents to point at. 1.3065 0.04514 199 157 23 19
508 ...and then, this big meteor fell from the sky... 1.3062 0.04691 160 122 27 11
509 Tell me the asteroid strory again. 1.3062 0.04691 160 122 27 11
510 Imagine a world where we’re extinct… 1.3060 0.04344 183 139 32 12
511 You jump up, turn it on and they all run away 1.3060 0.04059 183 135 40 8
512 Uncle G, tell me the one about your trip to Japan again? 1.3059 0.04723 170 132 24 14
513 ...and then there was this great light in the sky, coming closer...and closer... 1.3054 0.04551 167 127 29 11
514 It was a dark and stormy night. The wedding bells had rung. The small hotel was cozy. And then I took off my makeup. 1.3054 0.04471 167 126 31 10
515 That is scary! When was the last time you saw a dentist? 1.3049 0.04608 164 125 28 11
516 And then the humans went extinct and there was nothing to eat! 1.3046 0.04422 174 132 31 11
517 Scary! For a second you looked like a human 1.3043 0.04497 161 121 31 9
518 …and an idiot will become the leader of the free world. 1.3043 0.04392 184 141 30 13
519 Everything else was edible. 1.3043 0.04113 184 137 38 9
520 Jeez Bob. Real Scary. It’s never enough with you is it? 1.3038 0.04279 158 116 36 6
521 Then one day it happened, Jackie Paper came no more! 1.3036 0.04758 168 131 23 14
522 ...she fumbled for the flashlight as the door creaked open. It was him. The asteroid. 1.3034 0.04202 178 133 36 9
523 I just don't buy it, the likelihood of a asteroid hitting the planet is infinitesimal, it just doesn't scare me. 1.3034 0.04202 178 133 36 9
524 And then the humans discovered petroleum, and it was us! 1.3034 0.04350 178 135 32 11
525 It was a dark and scaly night… 1.3034 0.04350 178 135 32 11
526 Biiiirds, hee hee hee", cackled the wicked witch. "I'll evolve all of you into little birds. 1.3032 0.04517 188 147 25 16
527 And they lived happily ever after. In my belly. 1.3032 0.04257 188 143 33 12
528 And the meteor got closer... and closer... 1.3030 0.04663 165 127 26 12
529 Look what I found inside the food we just ate....pretty neat huh! 1.3030 0.04663 165 127 26 12
530 He was delicious and I like his toy! 1.3029 0.04325 175 132 33 10
531 Every scary story ends with you getting the flashlight. 1.3025 0.04298 162 120 35 7
532 [No Caption. Blank. This is funny, and any words added will just take away from the humor of it.} 1.3023 0.04747 172 135 22 15
533 Tell me again where did you find batteries for your flashlight? 1.3023 0.04527 172 132 28 12
534 It looks scarier when they do it 1.3021 0.04061 192 144 38 10
535 Kumbaya 1.3019 0.04439 159 119 32 8
536 and then they heard a ghostly voice say,'one more short armed joke and one of you is gonna get jur-ass kicked'! 1.3018 0.04180 169 125 37 7
537 So I tapped that cartographer on the shoulder, and just before I ate him I said, 'No, HERE be dragons!'" 1.3018 0.04880 169 134 19 16
538 Enough with the scary stories about these mythical "humans" 1.3017 0.04329 179 136 32 11
539 Let me guess—Jack Nicholson in The Shining? 1.3013 0.04933 156 122 21 13
540 No, that's true," I said, "but does this look to you like the face of a leaf eater? 1.3011 0.04524 176 136 27 13
541 ...and then the stranger said: "WE TASTE LIKE CHICKEN!" 1.3011 0.04303 176 133 33 10
542 Boo! I'm Extinct!! 1.3011 0.04215 186 141 34 11
543 And now for some light relief. 1.3006 0.04363 163 122 33 8
544 Then, out of spite, DeSantis chooses PENCE as his running mate! 1.3006 0.04578 173 134 26 13
545 So when they tell you that climate change isn't real ... 1.3006 0.04352 173 131 32 10
546 That guy who invented fire really tasted good 1.3005 0.03907 193 143 42 8
547 Please Dad, I want to go back to the Equator. 1.3000 0.04590 160 122 28 10
548 Seriously, is there a raptor between my teeth? 1.3000 0.04235 180 136 34 10
549 See that just makes you look a lot older than you actually are. 1.3000 0.04590 160 122 28 10
550 Is there anybody stuck in my teeth? 1.2995 0.04298 197 153 29 15
551 65 million years ago, on a night just like tonight... 1.2994 0.04455 167 127 30 10
552 Have you heard the one about the cold-blooded campers? 1.2994 0.04088 157 114 39 4
553 And then he heard a knock at the cave door. 1.2994 0.04377 157 117 33 7
554 Eating a boy scout troop and campfire stories is not my idea of dinner and a show.! 1.2994 0.04649 157 120 27 10
555 ...and then this big rock fell out of the sky and we all died! 1.2989 0.04699 174 137 22 15
556 Suddenly, an asteroid appeared... 1.2988 0.04592 164 126 27 11
557 I don't know. I ate the guy! 1.2987 0.04431 154 115 32 7
558 A Metoer? Ice Age? How do you come up with this stuff? 1.2987 0.05057 154 122 18 14
559 And the asteroid is right behind you now! 1.2986 0.04631 144 108 29 7
560 It was a dark and gloomy night, and I am wondering where the hell I got this flashlight." 1.2983 0.04287 181 138 32 11
561 And then the hideous golden haired, blue eyed, rosy cheeked little human peeked up from under the bed. 1.2982 0.04459 171 131 29 11
562 No, I'm not freaked out by your story. I'm freaked out about how you managed to get hold of a flashlight! 1.2982 0.04302 171 129 33 9
563 I hope you’re not going to tell me the one about the dragon with the hook for a hand again. 1.2982 0.04221 171 128 35 8
564 Now I’m thinking you should have just swallowed it along with the rest of him! 1.2981 0.04479 161 122 30 9
565 Wait, that's how you scared them? 1.2979 0.04176 188 143 34 11
566 Impressive, but can we barbecue a brontosaurus with it? 1.2975 0.03863 158 113 43 2
567 Which way is scarier, light on or off? 1.2975 0.04623 158 121 27 10
568 … and finally, after all the fire and brimstone and destruction has passed… a lowly MAMMAL will rise up to rule the earth ! 1.2975 0.04710 158 122 25 11
569 It’s called Herbalife, and a spot just opened up on my team! 1.2975 0.04623 158 121 27 10
570 Then one night a star moved across the sky. It got bigger and bigger, closer and closer.... 1.2974 0.04073 195 148 36 11
571 This story will make you pee your pants. Go put some on. 1.2971 0.03993 175 129 40 6
572 And then the asteroid got closer .... 1.2971 0.04309 175 133 32 10
573 And then she announced it was actually a plant-based meat substitute! 1.2971 0.04385 175 134 30 11
574 “You can’t scare me anymore. I’m old enough to know there’s no scary humans living under my bed!” 1.2968 0.04859 155 121 22 12
575 The sky went dark and in the sky a huge meteor streaked across the sky…and BAM! 1.2967 0.04407 182 141 28 13
576 This is not the honeymoon I expected ! 1.2967 0.04267 182 139 32 11
577 ...and after our bones are harvested by furless creatures, they will be sold for millions of dollars and put on display... 1.2965 0.04280 172 130 33 9
578 —and then they raised the Earth’s temperature by three degrees! 1.2961 0.04461 152 114 31 7
579 Where’d you get the batteries ? 1.2959 0.04489 169 130 28 11
580 At our age it is a luxury that we are able to sit around a fire as compared to breathing fire in our 20's. 1.2956 0.04932 159 126 19 14
581 Oh, honey! There are whitening strips for that problem now. 1.2955 0.04055 176 131 38 7
582 Look, I’m a human! 1.2952 0.04543 166 128 27 11
583 Scary? imagine millennia from now we'll be be contributing global warming. 1.2952 0.04380 166 126 31 9
584 And that’s when I realized, the boogyman was afraid of ME! 1.2949 0.04657 156 120 26 10
585 Whoa that was really scary, now tell the one you made up about the meteor 1.2945 0.04517 163 125 28 10
586 It was dark, I was hungry and they wanted a scary ending. 1.2941 0.05069 153 122 17 14
587 What the fuck are you doing? 1.2941 0.04984 153 121 19 13
588 That’s still not getting you on the Game of Thrones sequel. 1.2941 0.04532 153 116 29 8
589 Prophecy warns that a giant asteroid will fly towards the Earth. Ending life and triggering and UNHOLY APOCALYPSE! ! They'll call it: Mankind 1.2937 0.04573 160 123 27 10
590 One gray night it happened, Jackie Paper came no more And Puff, that mighty dragon, he ceased his fearless roar . . . 1.2934 0.04599 167 130 25 12
591 My karaoke turn- """If you can make it here, you can make it anywhere!!...."" 1.2934 0.04357 167 127 31 9
592 It was the ASTEROID!!! 1.2930 0.04167 157 116 36 5
593 What kind of sicko would go look at our skeletons in a museum? 1.2927 0.04323 164 124 32 8
594 Can you tell I've had them whitened? 1.2926 0.04363 188 147 27 14
595 In the year -66,000,000 BCE, or so, a giant asteroid will crash into the sea just off of Mexico. All of our family will be killed. Then humans will evolve and destroy the entire earth! 1.2926 0.04491 188 149 23 16
596 And that’s how the final season of Game of Thrones ended. 1.2926 0.04230 188 145 31 12
597 And then, hurtling through the sky came...creationism! 1.2925 0.04942 147 115 21 11
598 Yeah, yeah that's real spooky, but where the hell did you find the light thingy? 1.2925 0.04651 147 112 27 8
599 We can't wait for global warming to save us from extinction 1.2925 0.04651 147 112 27 8
600 Asteroids aren't actually real are they? 1.2924 0.04520 171 133 26 12
601 You nearly scared me to extinction. 1.2922 0.04411 154 116 31 7
602 ...and then they all became fossils. 1.2919 0.04632 161 125 25 11
603 The Ice Age is about to hit and you want to sing? 1.2919 0.03905 161 117 41 3
604 And a big rock will fall into the sea, and the sky will grow dark, and we will all die. 1.2919 0.04374 161 122 31 8
605 There were screams, there was blood, there was gnashing of teeth and, after a loud belch, Papa proclaimed "good knight" 1.2919 0.04715 161 126 23 12
606 Just tweeze the little pesky ones under my chin. 1.2917 0.04496 168 130 27 11
607 Frank cut it out. We already ate them, do we have to play with their stuff too? 1.2917 0.04728 168 133 21 14
608 -In time I am convinced that it will warm up- 1.2914 0.03941 151 109 40 2
609 Go ahead! Tell me this doesn't make me look like Trump! 1.2914 0.04845 151 118 22 11
610 Worse, a rock. 1.2914 0.04466 151 114 30 7
611 Does THIS make you see me in a whole new light? 1.2914 0.04753 151 117 24 10
612 So... you're saying that the flashlight makes us scary? 1.2911 0.04517 158 121 28 9
613 Tell me a human story. 1.2909 0.04213 165 124 34 7
614 All right, Mr. Spielberg, I'm ready for my close-up. 1.2908 0.05185 141 112 17 12
615 And since Spielberg,we’ve been blamed for everything. 1.2905 0.04623 148 113 27 8
616 And they had watches made of apples! 1.2905 0.04913 148 116 21 11
617 Wait. What’s a comet? 1.2903 0.04574 155 119 27 9
618 Did you ask for extra batteries BEFORE you ate him? 1.2903 0.04665 155 120 25 10
619 Are we really ever ready for evolution? 1.2901 0.04523 162 125 27 10
620 They say an asteroid haunts these woods. 1.2901 0.04261 162 122 33 7
621 And then they put your skeleton on display. 1.2899 0.04472 169 131 27 11
622 Put that down, you look beastly. 1.2897 0.04685 145 111 26 8
623 And then...,and then, fire came from the sky, and everyone wished they'd have partaken of the cannabis plant instead of worrying about healthcare. 1.2893 0.04666 159 124 24 11
624 I'm in love with Jeff Goldblum. 1.2893 0.04218 159 119 34 6
625 You've got some camper in your teeth. 1.2892 0.04278 166 126 32 8
626 Now THAT's cold-blooded! 1.2892 0.04191 166 125 34 7
627 And then she said, "we've banned books about dragons." 1.2889 0.04131 180 137 34 9
628 And then these creatures collect our bones and display them for all to see 1.2885 0.04456 156 119 29 8
629 Enough with the scary games--lets open the marshmallows! 1.2885 0.04548 156 120 27 9
630 Am I too good looking to be scary? 1.2885 0.04727 156 122 23 11
631 And then, as if that’s not bad enough, those pesky little mammals took over the whole darn planet! 1.2885 0.04638 156 121 25 10
632 I haven't seen one of these since the dark ages. 1.2883 0.04056 163 121 37 5
633 I saw the people I ate doing this! 1.2882 0.04290 170 130 31 9
634 Tell me the one about the asteroid again. 1.2880 0.03995 184 139 37 8
635 It makes me look scarier, don’t you think? 1.2877 0.04856 146 114 22 10
636 And they were never seen again. Well, for 65 million years anyway. 1.2876 0.04789 153 120 22 11
637 And then the asteroid grew larger in the moonlit sky.., 1.2866 0.04523 157 121 27 9
638 Hate to say it, Jeff, but it makes you look less scary. 1.2866 0.04719 164 130 21 13
639 Do you realize that gimmick is as old as we are!!! 1.2865 0.04019 171 128 37 6
640 And then the ice slowly covered the entire planet! 1.2857 0.04096 147 108 36 3
641 And then he falls down the Empire State Building. 1.2857 0.04091 154 114 36 4
642 and then...the big corporations said climate change isn't real because the whole system was making them rich 1.2857 0.04399 168 130 28 10
643 Oh yea, that will definitively keep the bears away! 1.2857 0.04528 147 112 28 7
644 And then slowly,ever so slowly,the little human crawled down from above the bed,inching closer and closer. 1.2857 0.04558 168 132 24 12
645 Stop it. Everyone knows there’s no such thing as asteroids. 1.2848 0.04533 165 129 25 11
646 Don’t exhale… that’s my father’s good flashlight. 1.2847 0.04480 144 109 29 6
647 Save the battery,Manny! It’s not like you will get to eat another time traveller and take his flashlight. 1.2847 0.04993 144 114 19 11
648 George, you ARE the thing that goes bump in the night. 1.2847 0.04894 144 113 21 10
649 Pretty, scary, huh? You try it. 1.2846 0.04968 123 94 23 6
650 And there was nothing but MAMMALS everywhere she looked! 1.2840 0.04376 169 131 28 10
651 Why are these ALWAYS about St. George? 1.2840 0.04672 162 128 22 12
652 How's this for a ghost story, we all die, something called humans come about & create energy from our carcassed remains. 1.2839 0.04366 155 118 30 7
653 Ice age, dude—see my teeth chattering? 1.2838 0.04398 148 112 30 6
654 You know Rex, I think that's overkill. The campers found us plenty scary last night without it. 1.2838 0.04701 148 115 24 9
655 And then she killed them all. It was the damsel ALL ALONG! 1.2837 0.04861 141 110 22 9
656 And when the monster finally came out from under the bed, the little kid had grown up...and left home. 1.2837 0.04648 141 108 26 7
657 Does this light make me look more ferocious? 1.2837 0.04538 141 107 28 6
658 His name was George...Saint George." 1.2833 0.04115 180 138 33 9
659 Do I look like a monster? 1.2832 0.04381 173 135 27 11
660 He's purple and he sings children's songs 1.2830 0.04198 159 120 33 6
661 So, Saint George walks into a bar... 1.2828 0.04962 145 115 19 11
662 And then… there was a human in his closet! 1.2825 0.04310 177 138 28 11
663 But then Dianne Feinstein said, "I've decided not to retire after all!" 1.2822 0.04728 163 130 20 13
664 And then they burned our liquified bodies in their SUVs... 1.2821 0.04795 156 124 20 12
665 I don't get it. 1.2819 0.04769 149 117 22 10
666 Don't you just love being in the scouts? 1.2819 0.04673 149 116 24 9
667 Stop it. It makes you look monstrous. 1.2819 0.04475 149 114 28 7
668 See!? It makes me look scary. 1.2819 0.04575 149 115 26 8
669 I told you the humans would screw it up and we'd be back! And look what they left us! 1.2819 0.04373 149 113 30 6
670 Once upon a time, sixty-five million years ago... 1.2817 0.04831 142 111 22 9
671 And then the big cold came and …. Kaboom!!! we were gone ! 1.2816 0.04359 174 136 27 11
672 It was a dark and stormy night, and some very scary humans were under my bed... 1.2812 0.04204 192 151 28 13
673 I'm still wondering how you started this fire. 1.2810 0.04770 153 121 21 11
674 An asteroid lands and wipes us all out, then these monsters make fuel from our bones and then joke about becoming a dinosaur! 1.2809 0.04434 178 141 24 13
675 No need for cosmetic surgery, you already look hot. 1.2808 0.05026 146 117 17 12
676 Cut it out Firebreath. You'll make me cough up the knight. 1.2806 0.05005 139 110 19 10
677 This was the only part of him I couldn't digest. 1.2803 0.04025 157 117 36 4
678 And they decided to make a sixth ‘Jurassic Park!’ 1.2803 0.04412 157 121 28 8
679 I'm actually just trying to hand you the flashlight. 1.2800 0.04646 150 117 24 9
680 And then he said, I am the Ghost of Exxon Yet-To-Come. 1.2800 0.04549 150 116 26 8
681 Then he screamed and dropped this nifty gadget. 1.2800 0.04926 150 120 18 12
682 And then the meteorite streaked across the sky… 1.2797 0.05002 143 114 18 11
683 And then ... everything started to freeze over! 1.2794 0.04631 136 104 26 6
684 That's right! Two thumbs! 1.2794 0.04972 136 107 20 9
685 No, you don't look any scarier--for the millionth time. 1.2793 0.04118 179 138 32 9
686 What else did you find in the time capsule? 1.2792 0.04466 154 119 27 8
687 And the only marshmallows they could get were the little kind… 1.2792 0.04272 154 117 31 6
688 Turn that light off. I thought I saw something streak through the sky. 1.2788 0.04597 165 131 22 12
689 Kumbaya? I don’t think I know that one. 1.2786 0.04541 140 107 27 6
690 And that's why humans are afraid of the dark. 1.2785 0.04387 158 122 28 8
691 And the brave knight and the princess lived happily ever after! 1.2785 0.04199 158 120 32 6
692 And then- get this- they said the Earth was flat! 1.2781 0.04522 151 117 26 8
693 It was a dark and stormy night … 201.3 to 145 million years ago right here at this exact campsite . . . 1.2778 0.04312 162 125 29 8
694 . . . and that asteroid is hurtling through space toward us at this very moment. 1.2778 0.04131 162 123 33 6
695 I found it on the set of Jurassic Park. 1.2775 0.04208 173 134 30 9
696 Can you tell which ones are implants? 1.2774 0.04626 155 122 23 10
697 You have to go to my dentist. 1.2774 0.04441 155 120 27 8
698 Not scary enough? Ok fine: "Then a meteor crashed into the Earth and we all died." Satisfied? 1.2774 0.04345 155 119 29 7
699 And he was petrified! 1.2774 0.04534 155 121 25 9
700 And then a big rock came out of the sky and ... 1.2774 0.04345 155 119 29 7
701 Honestly, I cannot notice an overbite 1.2774 0.04940 137 108 20 9
702 I am such a "look at me" person... 1.2774 0.04717 137 106 24 7
703 How do you like my new teeth? 1.2774 0.04940 137 108 20 9
704 And then, the Governor of Florida outlawed teaching the theory of evolution from schools! 1.2770 0.04680 148 116 23 9
705 And when the dragons drove home, they found a bloody Starbucks cup hanging from the passenger’s side door handle. 1.2770 0.04580 148 115 25 8
706 ...And they were all destroyed by a giant asteroid. 1.2767 0.04271 159 122 30 7
707 DYNO-Lite! 1.2766 0.04942 141 112 19 10
708 Now you can really see how much I need braces. 1.2766 0.04838 141 111 21 9
709 ...and the fat, bald, human yells: "I'M HERE TO AUDIT YOUR TAX RETURNS!!!... 1.2763 0.04778 152 121 20 11
710 You're creeping me out, Rex. 1.2763 0.04592 152 119 24 9
711 And scariest of all — he had normal-length arms! 1.2761 0.04784 134 104 23 7
712 Tell me a spooky human story. 1.2761 0.04665 134 103 25 6
713 Then there was a giant drop in the stock market, leading to the extinction of the human race! 1.2761 0.04665 134 103 25 6
714 Honey, when is the last time you saw the dentist? 1.2761 0.04900 134 105 21 8
715 Just stop Lizzy, you're making me a nervous Rex. 1.2761 0.04109 163 124 33 6
716 Suddenly the HUGE ROCK ... HITS the Earth! 1.2761 0.04289 163 126 29 8
717 And they dug him up! 1.2756 0.04599 156 123 23 10
718 Do Dracula again. 1.2754 0.04799 138 108 22 8
719 Not amused, tell me you didn't forgot the marshmallows. 1.2754 0.04799 138 108 22 8
720 But then he discovered that none of the humans he ate were actually gluten-free. 1.2754 0.04908 138 109 20 9
721 Have you heard why they call it Camp Beowulf? 1.2752 0.04453 149 115 27 7
722 And then this comet struck the Yucatán just after we paid a non-refundable deposit at our resort in Cancun. 1.2752 0.04553 149 116 25 8
723 Use this to shine the light in their eyes. They will just stand there looking at the light and then you’ve got them! 1.2752 0.04349 149 114 29 6
724 Harry loved his birthday present - it really made his little face light up! 1.2752 0.04652 149 117 23 9
725 A scary campfire story? OK, it was a dark night just like this one when this asteroid... 1.2752 0.04136 149 112 33 4
726 Mr. Spielberg doesn't appreciate your horsing around on the set. 1.2752 0.04748 149 118 21 10
727 Stop goofing around. How many more beers are left in the cooler? 1.2750 0.04517 160 126 24 10
728 you're a monster. You're scarier in the dark. 1.2746 0.04808 142 112 21 9
729 Once upon a time, creatures called "humans" roamed the earth... 1.2746 0.04486 142 109 27 6
730 ...but none of them believed the meteor would come! 1.2745 0.04273 153 117 30 6
731 Yeah it’s scary, but it shows your double chin. 1.2744 0.04604 164 131 21 12
732 Live from New York it’s Saturday night!!! 1.2744 0.04353 164 128 27 9
733 Forget asteroids. Gingivitis will probably kill us first. 1.2741 0.04635 135 104 25 6
734 I've been holding a torch for you for years Edna! 1.2741 0.04980 135 107 19 9
735 Wow! You look almost human! 1.2740 0.04294 146 111 30 5
736 And they were turned into petroleum jelly! 1.2740 0.04613 146 114 24 8
737 This next one might be a bit of a downer. 1.2739 0.04002 157 118 35 4
738 Tell me the one about the dust cloud that hides the sun. 1.2734 0.04544 139 107 26 6
739 Then these monkeys show up WALKING ON TWO LEGS!! 1.2733 0.04526 150 117 25 8
740 And the asteroid said: some day, when you least expect it, I'll be back! 1.2733 0.04526 150 117 25 8
741 Afterwards, there was nothing in the world to eat but broccoli! 1.2733 0.04405 161 126 26 9
742 And then it was revealed that there is actually a small, very uncomfortable Japanese man inside of me... 1.2727 0.04445 154 120 26 8
743 And some of them wore button flies! 1.2722 0.04458 158 124 25 9
744 Good Lord Dino. Get a teeth brightening session. 1.2721 0.04269 147 112 30 5
745 Where did you get the batteries from? 1.2721 0.04685 147 116 22 9
746 If you put this in your mouth they think you're breathing fire 1.2721 0.04585 147 115 24 8
747 And in the future we will all have evolved into chickens! 1.2721 0.04685 147 116 22 9
748 Listen to the chorus of the brontosaurus, la la la 1.2721 0.03970 136 100 35 1
749 And then he put pineapple right on the pizza! 1.2721 0.04836 136 107 21 8
750 I'm never trusting Tinder ever again... 1.2721 0.04947 136 108 19 9
751 I'm trying out for a Jurassic Park remake. 1.2716 0.04202 162 125 30 7
752 First they cut down the trees...then they build huge cities... 1.2714 0.04282 140 106 30 4
753 And then everyone shrunk and grew feathers. The end. 1.2710 0.04784 155 125 18 12
754 He could hear the human coming closer 1.2708 0.04645 144 113 23 8
755 ‘St. George did what?” 1.2708 0.04645 144 113 23 8
756 But there's no such thing as monsters" believe what you want but I got a snack and a neat flashligh 1.2708 0.04645 144 113 23 8
757 You’ve always been the pretty one. 1.2708 0.04540 144 112 25 7
758 Do I have stegosaurus in my teeth? 1.2707 0.04417 133 101 28 4
759 Then the voice on the other end said, "Do you know what an asteroid is?" And the babysitter realized that the call was from the room upstairs! 1.2703 0.04244 148 113 30 5
760 And then another moon appeared in the sky, and it got closer and closer. 1.2703 0.04558 148 116 24 8
761 And despite using his fiercest roar and hottest breath, no one was afraid. 1.2699 0.04179 163 126 30 7
762 And they drive an hour each way to work, just to afford to do it again the next day. 1.2695 0.04599 141 110 24 7
763 Aren’t you extinct? 1.2695 0.04599 141 110 24 7
764 And then one day it happened Jackie Paper came no more… 1.2692 0.04579 156 124 22 10
765 When you smile it’s not scary, ok. Seriously, stop. 1.2692 0.04979 130 103 19 8
766 I don't think it's cancer but if you are really that concerned maybe you should go see a dermatologist... 1.2690 0.04720 145 115 21 9
767 Sure, Jim, you’re very scary. 1.2690 0.04512 145 113 25 7
768 Honestly? Boy scouts taste just like chicken. 1.2687 0.04873 134 106 20 8
769 I learned it on Facebook: shining a flashlight into your mouth really does make your teeth whiter! 1.2687 0.04389 134 102 28 4
770 You look better in the dark. 1.2687 0.04873 134 106 20 8
771 ...And under his bed was a HUMAN CHILD 1.2687 0.04873 134 106 20 8
772 'Two minutes a day and I swear your teeth will get soooo white' 1.2687 0.04515 134 103 26 5
773 You're right! The new capped teeth look fabulous. 1.2685 0.04629 149 118 22 9
774 Just once I'd like to spend a romantic night by the fire without you acting like a child. 1.2685 0.04629 149 118 22 9
775 What's really scary is they think we're still extinct. 1.2681 0.04661 138 108 23 7
776 I call it “The Wheel” 1.2681 0.04773 138 109 21 8
777 Now I know why we don't do it with the lights on. 1.2680 0.04544 153 121 23 9
778 He tasted really good, and with this thing I can see to get another one. 1.2680 0.04544 153 121 23 9
779 Frank! You've got a piece of peasant stuck in your teeth. 1.2679 0.04261 168 132 27 9
780 Are there any bits of camper in my teeth? 1.2677 0.04802 127 99 22 6
781 Is there a vegan stuck in my teeth? 1.2677 0.05055 127 101 18 8
782 Someday, a million years from now, there will be a flashlight on your telephone. 1.2676 0.04679 142 112 22 8
783 And then our bones ended up in a place called a museum. 1.2671 0.04485 146 114 25 7
784 … and the asteroid came closer … closer … 1.2667 0.05278 135 111 12 12
785 And then he said, 'My, what big teeth you have!' 1.2667 0.04310 165 130 26 9
786 They screamed in horror: the man had no tail. 1.2667 0.04361 135 103 28 4
787 Batteries? 1.2662 0.04401 139 107 27 5
788 Once upon a time, humans roamed the earth... 1.2658 0.04437 158 125 24 9
789 …and then a gigantic asteroid crashed into planet Earth. 1.2657 0.04320 143 110 28 5
790 Hey, its only scary the first time. 1.2656 0.04638 128 99 24 5
791 Stop me if you've heard this one. 1.2656 0.04638 128 99 24 5
792 Watch how this flashlight makes my face look like a monster. 1.2656 0.04896 128 101 20 7
793 Don’t…That makes you look scarey 1.2654 0.04360 162 128 25 9
794 …and out of a dark cave this little pink creature, hairless and scaleless, carrying a pointy stick approaches… 1.2652 0.04545 132 102 25 5
795 …and in the morning there was a velociraptor’s talon hanging on the car door handle” 1.2652 0.04670 132 103 23 6
796 And then the human asked him if he had a moment to talk about his car’s extended warranty! 1.2652 0.05028 132 106 17 9
797 This is a crazy one! They say that one day an asteroid… 1.2649 0.04378 151 118 26 7
798 You promised you wouldn't do that asteroid stuff anymore! 1.2649 0.04275 151 117 28 6
799 Aren't I one handsome dude? 1.2645 0.04584 155 124 21 10
800 We found fire and flashlights and we are still camping?! 1.2645 0.04202 155 120 29 6
801 It was a bright and sunny day, and an entitled damsel was making a scene inside my cave when a vain jerk of a knight wandered by looking for trouble. 1.2643 0.04602 140 110 23 7
802 It was a dark and stormy Mesozoic night... 1.2643 0.04713 140 111 21 8
803 Pretend I'm a scary monster. 1.2643 0.04489 140 109 25 6
804 I'm practicing my carnivore look. 1.2640 0.04272 125 94 29 2
805 Sol!, I slaved over this fire and you had the batteries all along! 1.2640 0.04970 125 99 19 7
806 Wanna see something REALLY scary? 1.2640 0.04839 125 98 21 6
807 No, the guy who was carrying that is not stuck on your teeth. 1.2639 0.04725 144 115 20 9
808 And then the babysitter realizes the call is coming from inside the house." 1.2639 0.04515 144 113 24 7
809 And that’s how I met your father. 1.2636 0.04607 129 100 24 5
810 Do I look scary in this light? 1.2636 0.04862 129 102 20 7
811 You know what’s scary? Those gums! When was the last time you saw a dentist?! 1.2636 0.04607 129 100 24 5
812 Once upon a time, a tiny scale-less creature called 'man' roamed the earth. 1.2635 0.04431 148 116 25 7
813 ? Come on baby light my fire ? "That's a flashlight, you idiot, not a microphone!!" 1.2635 0.04732 148 119 19 10
814 Yeah, looks like some pieces of medieval knight stuck between your teeth. 1.2632 0.04640 133 104 23 6
815 I don't know, some magic light. It was in my crap. 1.2632 0.04994 133 107 17 9
816 Let’s go find s’more people to eat. 1.2632 0.04761 133 105 21 7
817 Then the chivalrous knight, and the beautiful princess lived happily ever after! 1.2632 0.04251 152 118 28 6
818 ‘Knock, knock, knock’— Nessie was sure it was the human again! Her indigestion increased and the remaining taste of the camper grew sour on her tongue… 1.2628 0.04889 137 110 18 9
819 Can you tell if I like butter? 1.2624 0.04346 141 109 27 5
820 Now that we have fire, electricity and opposed thumbs, we just need wheels and absolutely notking can stand in our way to ruling the earth. 1.2619 0.04805 126 99 21 6
821 'Let me enlighten you' 1.2619 0.04935 126 100 19 7
822 This next one's about the human under my bed! 1.2617 0.04507 149 118 23 8
823 I don't know, Frank, it comes off a little desperate. 1.2617 0.04507 149 118 23 8
824 Oooh, then the Princess said ‘do you have a job? My father wants to meet you.’ 1.2615 0.04704 130 102 22 6
825 I’d grab that stupid torch off you if I had longer arms. 1.2615 0.04951 130 104 18 8
826 And then humans destroyed the earth with carbon emissions. 1.2615 0.04704 130 102 22 6
827 Please don't ruin this moment with one of your torch songs. 1.2615 0.04704 130 102 22 6
828 You’re scarier with it off! 1.2615 0.04443 130 100 26 4
829 You're so cold-blooded! 1.2614 0.04521 153 122 22 9
830 ...and when he finally awoke, millions of years later, no one could hear his screams from inside the tank of a 1997 Dodge Neon. 1.2614 0.04327 153 120 26 7
831 ...and then, I invented Facebook 1.2614 0.04425 153 121 24 8
832 And the operator said, "The call is coming is coming from inside your cave!" 1.2611 0.04253 157 123 27 7
833 That' awful. You look paleolithic! 1.2609 0.04363 161 128 24 9
834 Nobody ever believes how this ends. 1.2609 0.04519 138 108 24 6
835 And then a great big fireball flew down from the sky - and it came closer and closer and CLOSER and CLOSER AND CLOSER....... ...and it just missed us. 1.2606 0.04114 165 129 29 7
836 That's when my phone started ringing... from an UNKNOWN CALLER! 1.2606 0.04654 142 113 21 8
837 So when you said we were going to roast some friends, you meant comedically. 1.2602 0.05517 123 102 10 11
838 Do I have any human stuck in my teeth? 1.2601 0.04232 173 138 25 10
839 Susie suddenly realizes that the magic is gone... 1.2595 0.04917 131 105 18 8
840 And the meteor got closer and closer, until one day... 1.2595 0.04917 131 105 18 8
841 I chose Invisalign. 1.2593 0.04814 135 108 19 8
842 I think this makes me look a lot better than that ring light does 1.2593 0.04579 135 106 23 6
843 Grandma, what big teeth you have! 1.2590 0.04605 139 110 22 7
844 Maybe you should try comedy. 1.2590 0.04373 139 108 26 5
845 You should floss more 1.2590 0.04490 139 109 24 6
846 That is very cool, but what is your point? 1.2590 0.04605 139 110 22 7
847 Just look at all these reasons to become a dentist. 1.2590 0.04717 139 111 20 8
848 So, I says to my proctologist,you got anything for Ass-teroids? 1.2583 0.05090 120 96 17 7
849 And then the humans… CHECKED THEIR PHONES! 1.2583 0.04950 120 95 19 6
850 This light makes me look scary—right? 1.2583 0.04146 151 117 29 5
851 That’s amazing Herb, but I just wanted to know what time it was. 1.2581 0.04841 124 98 20 6
852 and out sprang...AN ARCHAEOLOGIST! 1.2581 0.04562 124 96 24 4
853 This gag is older than the Paleozoic, but it still gets laughs. 1.2578 0.04738 128 101 21 6
854 Once upon a time, toward a land not so far, far away, a gigantic fireball hurtled through the sky. The End.” 1.2578 0.04866 128 102 19 7
855 . . . and then this big ol' giant meteor comes flying out of the sky . . . 1.2578 0.04738 128 101 21 6
856 You’re not gonna tell the crazy story about the meteorite again are you? 1.2577 0.05135 97 75 19 3
857 Warm your toes and get a light up your nose, it’s Dino Hour baby! 1.2576 0.05115 132 108 14 10
858 Hey, cut it out, you're making my blood run colder. 1.2576 0.04641 132 104 22 6
859 He didn't taste good but at least he had a nice toy. 1.2576 0.05115 132 108 14 10
860 Ordinarily I would insist we are not monsters,but now I get it. 1.2574 0.04782 136 109 19 8
861 Okay, but I think you’re plenty scary without the gimmicks. 1.2574 0.04042 136 103 31 2
862 No! Not the one about the big meteor! 1.2569 0.04379 144 113 25 6
863 And even now,when you drive over that bridge,you can still hear the cries of the Brontosaurus’s girlfriend… 1.2566 0.04620 152 123 19 10
864 I know this film is on a tight budget, but is it too much to ask that we hire a lighting designer? 1.2566 0.04328 152 120 25 7
865 ...but that wasn't the last time we saw Jimmy, oh no. He showed up 65 million years later, being used as fuel for a PT Cruiser! 1.2562 0.04914 121 96 19 6
866 Stop it! You’re scaring away our dinner. 1.2562 0.04625 121 94 23 4
867 And suddenly, a giant fireball appears in the sky 1.2562 0.04771 121 95 21 5
868 I’m scared of the dark 1.2562 0.04625 121 94 23 4
869 Check out my new dental implants! 1.2560 0.04939 125 100 18 7
870 It was a bright and sunny day… 1.2560 0.04530 125 97 24 4
871 One day the purple one will return and he will be called Barney.” 1.2560 0.04939 125 100 18 7
872 Those campers were stringy but it was worth it just to get their flashlight. 1.2560 0.05068 125 101 16 8
873 And then we were cloned and lived forever in a giant amusement park 1.2560 0.05194 125 102 14 9
874 I think I've got the lyrics. 'Come on baby, light my fire.' 1.2558 0.04705 129 102 21 6
875 It makes me look eons younger 1.2558 0.04575 129 101 23 5
876 Can't we just make the s'mores now? 1.2558 0.04575 129 101 23 5
877 Am I still extinct? 1.2558 0.04302 129 99 27 3
878 And then we all go extinct. 1.2558 0.04575 129 101 23 5
879 Is it me or is my night cream really working? 1.2558 0.04575 129 101 23 5
880 They say THE HUMAN still lurks in these woods 1.2556 0.04356 133 103 26 4
881 And poof! Up went Little Jackie Paper. 1.2556 0.04851 133 107 18 8
882 My granny told this one so here it goes once upon time there was a Diploceraspis living alone in a forest … 1.2556 0.04356 133 103 26 4
883 Do I have any time traveler in my teeth? 1.2556 0.04610 133 105 22 6
884 And then they made a SIXTH movie!!! With actors as old as us!! 1.2556 0.04223 133 102 28 3
885 'Well, that's an improvement." 1.2555 0.04751 137 110 19 8
886 And out popped...a late-stage capitalist society! 1.2555 0.04520 137 108 23 6
887 ...iridocyclitis... 1.2555 0.04520 137 108 23 6
888 Save your breath. I have a flashlight. 1.2552 0.04567 145 116 21 8
889 ...and thousands of chattering creatures swarm around macabre displays built from our bones! 1.2548 0.04418 157 126 22 9
890 Now that you've discovered fire, can I ditch this flashlight? 1.2542 0.04842 118 93 20 5
891 That's no pterodactyl" murmured Obi Wantosaurus, "it's an asteroid... 1.2541 0.04592 122 95 23 4
892 And then you didn’t eat the dentist? 1.2541 0.04878 122 97 19 6
893 And so once upon a time, there was this character named Scaredactyl.... 1.2541 0.04878 122 97 19 6
894 That's good. Now see if you can make a growling sound. 1.2541 0.04125 122 92 29 1
895 And their museums were full of our bones! 1.2540 0.04904 126 101 18 7
896 Do you think my whitening strips are working? 1.2540 0.04904 126 101 18 7
897 He was giving a fireside chat, but I ate him anyway. 1.2540 0.04638 126 99 22 5
898 You need a shave. 1.2540 0.04772 126 100 20 6
899 Is there something stuck in my teeth? 1.2540 0.04207 126 96 28 2
900 And then I said, "time traveler, time schmaveler," right before I ate him. 1.2538 0.04922 130 105 17 8
901 Do you think my sagging neck is a sign of a coming disaster? 1.2538 0.04673 130 103 21 6
902 And when they shed their skin, it was George Santos! 1.2538 0.04922 130 105 17 8
903 And your blood will grease their machines! 1.2538 0.04799 130 104 19 7
904 And then ... creak, creak, creak .... down the stairs came ....Saint George! 1.2538 0.04544 130 102 23 5
905 All the light and none of the heat! 1.2538 0.04673 130 103 21 6
906 Heeeeeere's Jaxartosaurus! 1.2538 0.04673 130 103 21 6
907 And then St. George slowly pulled out his sword. 1.2537 0.04700 134 107 20 7
908 So, after smoking for twenty years his lungs were ruined and he couldn’t breathe fire anymore. 1.2537 0.05046 134 110 14 10
909 Mom said they yelled something about time travel before she ate ‘em. 1.2536 0.04607 138 110 21 7
910 Can you please repeat the part where you ate the humans? 1.2536 0.04607 138 110 21 7
911 Really? You took his flashlight too? 1.2536 0.04607 138 110 21 7
912 And then, a giant asteroid hits and everyone dies. Scary, huh? 1.2536 0.04831 138 112 17 9
913 An asteroid is coming to get you!... Har, har, har 1.2534 0.04326 146 115 25 6
914 Is that still stuck on my teeth? 1.2533 0.03922 150 115 32 3
915 ...and a humongous meteor struck the Earth... 1.2531 0.04492 162 132 19 11
916 ...and then after the meteor hits, and you're dead, your body decomposes under ground until it turns into sludge, and then it gets pumped up and consumed by fire in some weird way by warm-blooded creatures... 1.2530 0.04331 166 134 22 10
917 Loser lies in the amber! 1.2521 0.04656 119 93 22 4
918 They remove their skin everyday... 1.2521 0.04806 119 94 20 5
919 And then the little girl leaned over and looked under her bed! 1.2520 0.04559 123 96 23 4
920 Hey, can you see this zit on my chin? 1.2520 0.04996 127 103 16 8
921 ...and where his claws should be, he had a big metal hook! 1.2519 0.05007 131 107 15 9
922 Do you think I can get by without flossing tonight? 1.2519 0.04549 135 107 22 6
923 This isn't what I had in mind for our anniversary,Carl. 1.2519 0.04900 135 110 16 9
924 The extinct stuff is starting to scare me 1.2519 0.04299 135 105 26 4
925 Okay with that lighting I see why they’re scared of us 1.2519 0.04169 135 104 28 3
926 OOH, They walked on TWO legs and had TWO arms! ........ 1.2518 0.04800 139 113 17 9
927 Then, just before the end—a giant, menacing balloon floated ominously across the land... 1.2518 0.04690 139 112 19 8
928 The part about the asteroid slamming into the planet seems a little far-fetched. 1.2518 0.04577 139 111 21 7
929 And after he met Jackie, nobody saw him in Honalee ever again! 1.2517 0.04704 143 116 18 9
930 And then the meteor hit! 1.2500 0.04519 136 108 22 6
931 Not only was the asteroid on a collision course, but we had failed to establish a National Aeronautics and Space Administration and a DART spacecraft for planetary defense!” 1.2500 0.04915 120 96 18 6
932 You think this is scary! Let me tell you about an extinction event. 1.2500 0.04610 132 105 21 6
933 You look very scary, yes. Now can we please just enjoy the evening? 1.2500 0.04397 136 107 24 5
934 The dentist said I have the whitest teeth he had ever seen before I ate him. 1.2500 0.04879 116 92 19 5
935 You seem convinced the Invisalign is working. 1.2500 0.04771 120 95 20 5
936 What is the fire for? 1.2500 0.04573 128 101 22 5
937 And just when the pandemic subsided, a mysterious balloon that could wipe out an entire civilization was spotted in the sky above. 1.2500 0.04519 136 108 22 6
938 If the fire doesn't keep the humans away,we can defend ourselves with this human light saber.. 1.2500 0.04462 144 115 22 7
939 once upon a time there was a human.... 1.2500 0.04483 132 104 23 5
940 My mom said humans aren't real. 1.2500 0.04610 132 105 21 6
941 Mm? Yes, you’re very scary. 1.2500 0.04734 132 106 19 7
942 Flossing after meals. You should try it. 1.2483 0.04098 145 113 28 4
943 Stop scaring me! You look just like Ernest Borgnine! 1.2482 0.04608 137 110 20 7
944 And then, a future species takes over the earth, and they turn us into punchlines! 1.2482 0.04369 137 108 24 5
945 And then a great ball fell out of the sky, and the land burned, then turned to ice, and no more of us roamed the earth forevermore! 1.2481 0.04821 133 108 17 8
946 I'd stick with the breathing fire. 1.2481 0.04323 133 104 25 4
947 Do you want the one about the volcanoes or the asteroid? 1.2481 0.04453 133 105 23 5
948 And then I fought a double headed dragon and a giant moth but STILL did badly at the box office 1.2481 0.04579 133 106 21 6
949 And the villagers didn’t even panic. They just pulled out a big red canister with two words written across it…Fire Extinguisher. 1.2481 0.04673 129 103 20 6
950 Yeah, right. As if asteroids are real. 1.2481 0.04801 129 104 18 7
951 I think your face might be better suited for radio. 1.2481 0.04926 129 105 16 8
952 You're scary, but not as scary as those guys we just ate. 1.2481 0.04926 129 105 16 8
953 This is history's first fireside chat 1.2481 0.04542 129 102 22 5
954 Okay, first of all, what is a comet? 1.2480 0.04906 125 101 17 7
955 And then they’ll make a movie franchise about us and each new movie will be worse than the previous one. 1.2479 0.04736 121 96 20 5
956 And if the story I just told isn't true, may a meteor strike me dead! 1.2479 0.04277 121 93 26 2
957 And then after stabbing it and burning it, the little human ate the marshmallow. 1.2479 0.04879 121 97 18 6
958 Does holding this flashlight so close make me look extinct? 1.2479 0.04879 121 97 18 6
959 Then, after the meteor, arrive tiny, fleshy creatures who take over the world… 1.2479 0.04736 121 96 20 5
960 Stop it! I have fire dripping out my nose. 1.2479 0.05137 117 95 15 7
961 No way you look sixty-five million years old. 1.2479 0.04841 117 93 19 5
962 you've been watching too many Far Side cartoons.. 1.2478 0.04954 113 90 18 5
963 No, you're scarier when you wake up in the morning 1.2478 0.04954 113 90 18 5
964 … and then the comet hit Flo-o-o-rida! 1.2466 0.04299 146 116 24 6
965 Then I ate all their s'mores. 1.2465 0.04490 142 114 21 7
966 Seriously Bob, where'd you get that thing? 1.2464 0.04217 138 108 26 4
967 I'm looking to increasing the wow factor. 1.2464 0.04692 138 112 18 8
968 Do you think he saurus? 1.2463 0.04670 134 108 19 7
969 And the there was this flash of light and we all disappeared. 1.2462 0.04891 130 106 16 8
970 Then he lands a job with a big insurance company and we haven't heard from him since 1.2462 0.04768 130 105 18 7
971 Great. You brought a flashlight, but forgot the shrooms. 1.2462 0.04377 130 102 24 4
972 Puff, I don't think scary stories are your thing. How about a story about your house by the sea? 1.2462 0.04891 130 106 16 8
973 The trump desantis debate 1.2462 0.05012 130 107 14 9
974 And then a huge rock appeared in the sky. 1.2460 0.04319 126 98 25 3
975 Hey, you promised Mom you wouldn't do that to me! 1.2460 0.04603 126 100 21 5
976 Then, the meteorite crushes into the Earth and we become extinct 1.2460 0.04739 126 101 19 6
977 And that's where dino nuggets come from. 1.2459 0.04701 122 97 20 5
978 And then there was a bright flash in the sky 1.2459 0.04843 122 98 18 6
979 The scary thing is all that nose hair. Ugh. 1.2459 0.04555 122 96 22 4
980 Bvxt ejlmn garrr milzwk pooooj* *Look what I found after we ate the last time traveller. 1.2458 0.04652 118 93 21 4
981 My turn, my turn. 1.2458 0.04805 118 94 19 5
982 And just like THAT! The little Boy Scout dropped his flashlight and went screaming into the woods, never to be heard from again. 1.2458 0.04493 118 92 23 3
983 You are so unfunny with that stupid grin. Try looking more dragon like and by the way you should brush. 1.2456 0.05071 114 92 16 6
984 You're frightening enough without special effects! 1.2450 0.04199 151 120 25 6
985 Oh, grow up! That's pathetically paleolithic. 1.2444 0.04518 135 108 21 6
986 Do I look as scared as the guy I ate to get this flashlight? 1.2443 0.04210 131 102 26 3
987 As I took his flashlight I told the boy "I thought your motto is 'be prepared.' You obviously aren't." 1.2443 0.04609 131 105 20 6
988 Grandpa, everyone knows there’s no such thing as meteorites. 1.2443 0.04977 131 108 14 9
989 And then they collected all of her bones and put them in a museum. 1.2443 0.04480 131 104 22 5
990 Here's a scary story for you! The Donald thinks he should be President again. 1.2443 0.04480 131 104 22 5
991 A human once told me this scary story about an asteroid that will kill us all. The human called himself “Time Traveler”. Anyway, that’s where I got this flashlight. 1.2441 0.04837 127 103 17 7
992 Before they went extinct, they invented a lot of things. 1.2441 0.05088 127 105 13 9
993 Yes, your dental implants are very nice. 1.2432 0.04473 111 86 23 2
994 Are you seriously telling me this torch will still be around in 65,000 millions years and we won't? 1.2432 0.05462 111 92 11 8
995 Goldimonster hesitated, then whispered, “my, what small teeth you have”. 1.2426 0.04489 136 109 21 6
996 ...and then the accountant slowly looked up from his desk and said, 'TAX TIME'. 1.2424 0.04703 132 107 18 7
997 Well, it frightens Velociraptors 1.2424 0.04578 132 106 20 6
998 Can you look closer? I think it's a finger. 1.2424 0.04318 132 104 24 4
999 I don't know...an idiot with a flashlight lighting his own stupid face? 1.2424 0.04450 132 105 22 5
1000 So his vorpal blade went snicker-snak and I thought , hmmm, Snack! 1.2424 0.04824 132 108 16 8
1001 Then I said 'I could shoot someone on 5th Avenue or grab a woman by the pussy and stalk and physically menace and intimidate Hilary all over a small debate stage for close to 2 hours on live television and still get elected president. The End! 1.2422 0.04802 128 104 17 7
1002 In a thousand years there is a new species that destroys the entire planet 1.2422 0.04539 128 102 21 5
1003 Next is "The Legend of the La Brea Tar Pits 1.2422 0.04802 128 104 17 7
1004 Do I have any apex predator stuck in my teeth? 1.2422 0.04929 128 105 15 8
1005 They call him Puff! 1.2420 0.03980 157 124 28 5
1006 You're not scary. You just look stupid and you're wasting batteries. 1.2419 0.04908 124 101 16 7
1007 Quit messing around and pass me a beer 1.2419 0.04341 124 97 24 3
1008 You're really dragon this ghost story out, Phil. 1.2419 0.04633 124 99 20 5
1009 Those new lithium batteries work remarkably well 1.2417 0.04879 120 97 17 6
1010 It’s a flashlight. We can see at night without having to breath fire! 1.2417 0.04879 120 97 17 6
1011 The asteroid, nine miles wide, hurled quickly through space toward the Yucatán Peninsula… 1.2417 0.04733 120 96 19 5
1012 When I said lighten up I was referring to the excruciatingly dull conversation we were having. 1.2414 0.05140 116 95 14 7
1013 It makes you look scaly. 1.2414 0.04184 145 115 25 5
1014 And then everyone in Tokyo started firing missiles! 1.2414 0.04992 116 94 16 6
1015 And, then, a massive asteroid hit the earth. 1.2414 0.04184 145 115 25 5
1016 And then they realised, they weren’t in the Jurassic era at all. 1.2411 0.04438 112 87 23 2
1017 And then...there came an asteroid! 1.2411 0.05267 112 92 13 7
1018 You look positively prehistoric! 1.2411 0.05112 112 91 15 6
1019 The call is coming from inside the cave! 1.2409 0.04459 137 110 21 6
1020 So it’s not You’re So Vain. Is it You Light Up My Life 1.2406 0.04547 133 107 20 6
1021 Marge,you have to try this new exfoliant. Only 2 weeks and I’m smooth as a Hermes pocketbook. 1.2406 0.04547 133 107 20 6
1022 My mom always told me to smile even when I'm telling ghost stories. 1.2406 0.04289 133 105 24 4
1023 And the eerie voice in the dark screeched, you will be fossil fuuueeel! 1.2406 0.04791 133 109 16 8
1024 And that’s when they saw the asteroid 1.2403 0.04508 129 103 21 5
1025 Next, they turned us into fuel! 1.2403 0.04085 129 100 27 2
1026 You look as scary as a Boy Scout. 1.2403 0.04640 129 104 19 6
1027 Don't be afraid, it's still me; the same attractive, fun-loving guy you always knew. 1.2403 0.04508 129 103 21 5
1028 C’Mon baby, light my fi-i-ire! 1.2403 0.04508 129 103 21 5
1029 It’s my time to shine. 1.2400 0.04600 125 100 20 5
1030 Be honest, don't I look scary? 1.2400 0.05003 125 103 14 8
1031 …And after that, the land will be covered by millions of tiny little creatures barely the size of your toenail who will dig you up and burn your remains to power unimaginable machines that fly across the sky. 1.2397 0.04486 146 119 19 8
1032 Good thing humans aren't real 1.2397 0.04549 121 96 21 4
1033 No, Wait! It was the Governor of Florida AND Texas! 1.2397 0.04698 121 97 19 5
1034 Any broccoli in my teeth? 1.2397 0.04983 121 99 15 7
1035 No, I can't see any chives. 1.2397 0.04549 121 96 21 4
1036 Ready to tell scary human stories? 1.2397 0.04236 121 94 25 2
1037 And then, all the dinosaurs became vegans! 1.2397 0.05119 121 100 13 8
1038 It's showtime! Another chilla thrilla from Godzilla! 1.2394 0.04680 142 117 16 9
1039 And then a gigantic ball of fire falls from the sky destroying all life! Bwahahahaha! 1.2393 0.04802 117 94 18 5
1040 Do I have anything stuck in my teeth? 1.2393 0.04802 117 94 18 5
1041 And 65 million years later, his bones were still on display for all to see... 1.2393 0.04646 117 93 20 4
1042 ... but the pizza had PINEAPPLE on it! 1.2393 0.04646 117 93 20 4
1043 ... but in fact, the meteor was heading right for them, and everything, everything they cherished would ... 1.2391 0.04548 138 112 19 7
1044 Scary Dragon Stories after a late Knight supper. 1.2389 0.04749 113 90 19 4
1045 The humans consumed more and more atop the giant bed. Our family cringed beneath as the box springs started snapping. 1.2389 0.04913 113 91 17 5
1046 Here’s bronny 1.2389 0.04749 113 90 19 4
1047 This is not the way to impress a girl on a first date! 1.2389 0.05225 113 93 13 7
1048 ...and then a giant meteor came down and wiped out everyone and everything except this really weird 2 legged species that didn't even have a tail, called humans! Just kidding! 1.2388 0.04517 134 108 20 6
1049 Is this thing on? 1.2385 0.05031 109 88 16 5
1050 And in the future, our future descendants eggs will become wildly expensive. 1.2385 0.04859 109 87 18 4
1051 I hate camping. 1.2385 0.04859 109 87 18 4
1052 I think we should get a divorce. 1.2385 0.05197 109 89 14 6
1053 Not sure how, but last time this was on my face, there was dinner on the other end. 1.2385 0.05031 109 88 16 5
1054 His bones were dug up by hairless monkeys, and displayed for educational amusement. 1.2385 0.04681 109 86 20 3
1055 No, these monsters were...preHERstoric! 1.2385 0.05358 109 90 12 7
1056 OMG, you almost looked human for a minute! 1.2385 0.04477 130 104 21 5
1057 And then the monster screamed when the human came out from under the bed . . . 1.2385 0.04477 130 104 21 5
1058 And then there was ANOTHER rate hike. 1.2385 0.04736 130 106 17 7
1059 Tell the part about the meteor again. 1.2385 0.04477 130 104 21 5
1060 ...and if you look on top of your bed, you may just see a human lurking there... 1.2385 0.04860 130 107 15 8
1061 Naah, doesn’t help…. 1.2385 0.04477 130 104 21 5
1062 Once upon a time, huge dinosaurs roamed the earth. 1.2381 0.04567 126 101 20 5
1063 And then the woman use their skin as a belt. 1.2381 0.05093 126 105 12 9
1064 Stop! I’ll have nightmares! 1.2381 0.04567 126 101 20 5
1065 And the knocking was coming from inside his ... stomach! 1.2381 0.04567 126 101 20 5
1066 Ugh, not that meteor story again! 1.2381 0.04426 126 100 22 4
1067 And as he came for us, he whispered, "It's a-me, Mario!" 1.2377 0.04664 122 98 19 5
1068 Enough already! Break out the s’mores! 1.2377 0.04807 122 99 17 6
1069 They displayed his body on a museum! 1.2377 0.04946 122 100 15 7
1070 I'm telling you. Hairless apes are real! 1.2377 0.04664 122 98 19 5
1071 Then suddenly, a giant rock from outer space came whizzing towards them... 1.2374 0.04633 139 114 17 8
1072 Is that it? 1.2373 0.04915 118 96 16 6
1073 Frightening, eh? 1.2373 0.04766 118 95 18 5
1074 Did I tell you about my visit to Tokyo? 1.2373 0.04286 118 92 24 2
1075 Turn that off! The counselor's going to see it 1.2373 0.05061 118 97 14 7
1076 NOT ONLY A GREAT LUNCH, BUT I GOT THIS AS WELL! 1.2370 0.04727 135 111 16 8
1077 Do I have some camper stuck in my teeth? 1.2366 0.04174 131 103 25 3
1078 And thennnnnn..... they all went EXTINCT! 1.2366 0.04576 131 106 19 6
1079 And then the humans showed up. 1.2366 0.04826 131 108 15 8
1080 Sorry, but I don’t find this quite as romantic as you do. 1.2366 0.04703 131 107 17 7
1081 What—my dental hygiene isn’t scary enough? 1.2364 0.05154 110 90 14 6
1082 Read my lips, you forgot the marshfellows. 1.2364 0.04990 110 89 16 5
1083 Welcome to open air mike night ! 1.2364 0.05154 110 90 14 6
1084 Yes, but moonlight becomes you. 1.2364 0.04990 110 89 16 5
1085 I dunno, Jerry, I think it accentuates your underbite. 1.2362 0.04803 127 104 16 7
1086 It was a night like this. A meteorite blazed through the sky. 1.2358 0.04483 123 98 21 4
1087 Damn! You look like a dragon! 1.2358 0.04483 123 98 21 4
1088 Then they hung up his bones in a museum! 1.2358 0.04630 123 99 19 5
1089 Oww! It makes you look lie a scary monster! 1.2357 0.04821 140 117 13 10
1090 And that is why you check for any meteors under your bed before you go to sleep 1.2357 0.04132 140 111 25 4
1091 I'll miss you when you take your show to Broadway 1.2353 0.04418 119 94 22 3
1092 Start a fire by rubbing two sticks together, but make sure they’re the same. Then you’ll have a match. 1.2353 0.04333 136 109 22 5
1093 By the time that's popular, we'll be extinct. 1.2353 0.04730 119 96 18 5
1094 Here I am, the light of your life. 1.2353 0.04878 119 97 16 6
1095 Look for the ones doing this. They’re old and slower but still tasty. 1.2353 0.04577 119 95 20 4
1096 And then this purple dinosaur would sing, 'I love you, you love me...'" 1.2353 0.04730 119 96 18 5
1097 ...and then a big giant flaming rock came down and destroyed everything. 1.2348 0.04545 132 107 19 6
1098 Must you always do that when you get to the "you slay me" part of the story? 1.2348 0.04146 132 104 25 3
1099 …and then a giant meteor came whirling down… 1.2348 0.04670 132 108 17 7
1100 Am I getting feathers under my chin? 1.2348 0.04793 132 109 15 8
1101 And then, BOOM, the asteroid hits! Don't worry it's just a campfire story. 1.2348 0.04836 115 93 17 5
1102 Fire is old school Reggie! The future is calling… come on and light up 1.2348 0.04510 115 91 21 3
1103 Do you think it makes me look scary? 1.2344 0.04221 128 101 24 3
1104 And they were all turned into this thing called OIL. 1.2344 0.04638 128 104 18 6
1105 Do I look more scary? 1.2344 0.04365 128 102 22 4
1106 Don’t you think this makes me look more ferocious?! 1.2344 0.04503 128 103 20 5
1107 And then they asked, "What's an asteroid?" 1.2342 0.04949 111 90 16 5
1108 OMG! It makes you look human! 1.2342 0.04949 111 90 16 5
1109 You bet Jur-ass-ic it’s cold out here! 1.2342 0.05270 111 92 12 7
1110 Sure beats breathing fire. 1.2339 0.04596 124 100 19 5
1111 Then big rock fall from sky 1.2339 0.04451 124 99 21 4
1112 He dropped it just before I ate him. 1.2339 0.04596 124 100 19 5
1113 Does this thing on my nose look pre-cancerous? 1.2336 0.04710 107 85 19 3
1114 Light my fire, light my fire. 1.2336 0.05241 107 88 13 6
1115 OOOOOOOO! When you do that it makes you look like a monster. 1.2336 0.04664 137 113 16 8
1116 Enough with the stupid human tricks ! 1.2333 0.04841 120 98 16 6
1117 It was a bright and sunny morning… 1.2333 0.04694 120 97 18 5
1118 And the scary small mammal said... 1.2331 0.03977 133 104 27 2
1119 And THEN a huge ROCK fell out of the Sky, and we all disappeared. 1.2331 0.04639 133 109 17 7
1120 Don't my new veneers look good, Sheryl? 1.2331 0.04514 133 108 19 6
1121 And then a giant meteor hit the earth and blew us out of existence! 1.2328 0.04640 116 93 19 4
1122 Is there any marshmallow in my teeth? 1.2328 0.04640 116 93 19 4
1123 And then a big rock fell out of the sky. 1.2326 0.04193 129 102 24 3
1124 And then they’ll make boots out of your skin and two step to Taylor Swift. 1.2326 0.04472 129 104 20 5
1125 …until the effects of climate change became irreversible. 1.2326 0.04335 129 103 22 4
1126 Can we stop telling warm and fuzzy stories? 1.2326 0.04606 129 105 18 6
1127 Can we skip to Kum-Ba-Ya? 1.2326 0.04472 129 104 20 5
1128 We'll thank them for inventing it, then all bets are off! 1.2326 0.04735 129 106 16 7
1129 I hear there's humans in these woods! 1.2321 0.04390 112 88 22 2
1130 They say it's more flattering than natural lighting. 1.2321 0.04570 112 89 20 3
1131 Man, that really makes you look wierd! 1.2321 0.05071 112 92 14 6
1132 And when I thought the date was a success she said: your fangs are so big I can see what you ate last week 1.2321 0.04909 112 91 16 5
1133 Ha! C'mon Jerry! We all know there's no such thing as an extinction level fireball falling from the sky. 1.2320 0.04419 125 100 21 4
1134 I promise, nothing is stuck in your teeth! 1.2320 0.04563 125 101 19 5
1135 Yes, that should scare away any wild animals. 1.2320 0.04563 125 101 19 5
1136 With my looks and your brains, we are here to stay. 1.2320 0.04702 125 102 17 6
1137 And they just kept making sequel, after sequel, after sequel! 1.2320 0.04271 125 99 23 3
1138 Yup, it's just a piece of spinach. 1.2320 0.04837 125 103 15 7
1139 This one's about how we were all killed by climate change. 1.2319 0.04633 138 114 16 8
1140 And then Elon Musk said, "I'm going to do a Twitter poll and let the Internet decide." 1.2315 0.04853 108 87 17 4
1141 Your reptilian sense of humor. That's what scares me. 1.2315 0.05197 108 89 13 6
1142 And then in the middle of the night when everyone was sleeping, a gigantic comet came and killed all of us. Sleep tight! 1.2315 0.04482 108 85 21 2
1143 Never mind where I got the light and listen to the story. 1.2315 0.05197 108 89 13 6
1144 Now do I look scary? 1.2315 0.04671 108 86 19 3
1145 and it had orange hairs on top of its head. 1.2315 0.04671 108 86 19 3
1146 You done with that torch? - I’m kinda gettin’ cold here 1.2315 0.04671 108 86 19 3
1147 ...and then. as all the little lizards were going to sleep, after looking under their beds, a giant monster rock appeared in the sky! 1.2314 0.04509 121 97 20 4
1148 And then Satan will scatter your bones across the earth to fool believers. 1.2314 0.04354 121 96 22 3
1149 Maybe seeing me in a new light will increase my Tik Tok following. 1.2314 0.04805 121 99 16 6
1150 Then, in the well-lit room, he heard a sound from something not under the bed. 1.2313 0.04484 134 109 19 6
1151 Stop quibbling about opposing thumbs and focus on the story, or so help me I'll tear you to pieces! 1.2308 0.04702 130 107 16 7
1152 Can’t we have a campfire without you scaring the crap out of me? 1.2308 0.04970 104 84 16 4
1153 Turn it off, I know what you look like. 1.2308 0.04779 104 83 18 3
1154 For me? fusion cuisine is mixing up leftovers and hoping for a miracle. 1.2308 0.04970 104 84 16 4
1155 And that's what a museum is. 1.2308 0.04604 117 94 19 4
1156 Where did you get a flashlight? 1.2308 0.04604 117 94 19 4
1157 So when did this change from being a rally to being an intimate gathering? 1.2308 0.04970 104 84 16 4
1158 Save the batteries. It 1.2308 0.04914 117 96 15 6
1159 Leyend has it a rock from the sky will be our doom 1.2308 0.04761 117 95 17 5
1160 And then they all turned into birds! 1.2308 0.05155 104 85 14 5
1161 This one is guaranteed to give you knightmares. 1.2302 0.04388 126 101 21 4
1162 NOOOO, why do we have to always die from a comet at the end of your stories?! 1.2302 0.05060 126 106 11 9
1163 And I say we call them “Dino-S’mores” 1.2301 0.04705 113 91 18 4
1164 And then the human uses dramatic uplighting to look even more hideous. 1.2301 0.04705 113 91 18 4
1165 And 40 million years later,they dig up our bones and put them in a museum. 1.2301 0.04870 113 92 16 5
1166 And then the children would eat small dinosaur shaped chicken, rip the heads off, and dip it in KETCHUP!! 1.2301 0.04534 113 90 20 3
1167 Do you think our costumes will keep the bears away? 1.2296 0.04454 135 110 19 6
1168 And then the star started to get bigger and bigger... 1.2296 0.04576 135 111 17 7
1169 That actually makes you LESS scary. 1.2295 0.04476 122 98 20 4
1170 And then, from out of deep, dark outer space, came a meteor! 1.2295 0.04625 122 99 18 5
1171 The fire is dying. Your turn to breath on it. 1.2295 0.04476 122 98 20 4
1172 Ah, I see the problem now….your molars are impacted. 1.2295 0.04322 122 97 22 3
1173 But they said it was just a weather balloon! 1.2295 0.04769 122 100 16 6
1174 Narrow it down for me. Karloff or Lugosi? 1.2294 0.04813 109 88 17 4
1175 Too bad we couldn't use their sleeping bags. 1.2294 0.04813 109 88 17 4
1176 Don’t worry it doesn’t use a lithium battery. 1.2294 0.04813 109 88 17 4
1177 Then they made tiny pieces of chicken into shapes of us! 1.2290 0.04275 131 105 22 4
1178 Oooh! You look just like those critters we're having for dinner. 1.2288 0.04569 118 95 19 4
1179 …and climbing the tower was a giant gorilla! 1.2288 0.04408 118 94 21 3
1180 it shines but doesn't burn 1.2288 0.04240 118 93 23 2
1181 And then a mere 165 million years later, all the dinosaurs were... GONE. 1.2286 0.05286 105 87 12 6
1182 Then this Boy-scout tried to sneak up on me… ridiculous right ? 1.2286 0.04222 140 113 22 5
1183 And to the ground we will go! For eternity, we will be crushed under rock! Only to be freed and then burned! The end. Do we have 'smores? 1.2286 0.05110 105 86 14 5
1184 Sorry, but you just don't look scary. 1.2286 0.04928 105 85 16 4
1185 Too human, too human! 1.2283 0.04211 127 101 23 3
1186 What is a meteor again? 1.2283 0.04498 127 103 19 5
1187 I can't wait till someone invents dental floss! 1.2281 0.04499 114 91 20 3
1188 And then,this ginormous asteroid was hurling towards Earth…… 1.2281 0.05143 114 95 12 7
1189 Do I have a fern stuck in my teeth? 1.2279 0.04545 136 112 17 7
1190 And then…Steven Spielberg and a camera crew showed up.. 1.2279 0.04664 136 113 15 8
1191 I'm scared. Show me the bunny rabbit. 1.2279 0.04424 136 111 19 6
1192 And then, a palaeontologist shot out from the woods! 1.2276 0.04591 123 100 18 5
1193 And then he turned around and revealed OPPOSABLE THUMBS! 1.2276 0.04443 123 99 20 4
1194 It was a calm and sunny day... 1.2273 0.04410 110 87 21 2
1195 Sorry, I know we are Dinosaurs, but don’t you know anything past 1981? 1.2273 0.04773 110 89 17 4
1196 All light and no smoke. 1.2273 0.04945 110 90 15 5
1197 Are you sure these costumes are flame retardant? 1.2269 0.04535 119 96 19 4
1198 Tell me the one about the comet hitting the earth again. 1.2269 0.04839 119 98 15 6
1199 And suddenly, in the dark, appeared a knight in shining armor. 1.2269 0.04689 119 97 17 5
1200 And suddenly there was this loud angry shriek from the back of the room. Shaken to their core, the people turned to look in the direction of the hideous sound and saw Marjorie Taylor Greene. 1.2269 0.04984 119 99 13 7
1201 "I'll tell you the scariest story of all time. It starts with humans..." 1.2266 0.04602 128 105 17 6
1202 The monster had warm blood, fur and its offspring came out of it ALIVE! 1.2266 0.04602 128 105 17 6
1203 I agree already, it’s time for a little “nip and tuck” 1.2266 0.04466 128 104 19 5
1204 …and then a huge meteor crashed into the planet! 1.2266 0.04734 128 106 15 7
1205 and you try to catch the humans, but THEY’RE IN JEEPS! 1.2266 0.04327 128 103 21 4
1206 Then, just as the knight approached, the princess started making wild accusations! 1.2264 0.05409 106 89 10 7
1207 They roamed the earth, threatening anyone who got in their way--and then made up stories about us doing that. 1.2263 0.04633 137 114 15 8
1208 It’s fire to go. 1.2261 0.04631 115 93 18 4
1209 What a find! That belongs in a Museum. 1.2261 0.04950 115 95 14 6
1210 You light up my life... 1.2261 0.04950 115 95 14 6
1211 It was ten miles wide and hurtling through space... 1.2261 0.04464 115 92 20 3
1212 But it wasn't a shooting star at all! 1.2261 0.04793 115 94 16 5
1213 And it was then that she saw a sharp, metal hook hanging from the car's door handle! 1.2261 0.04631 115 93 18 4
1214 Look at me. Don’t look up! 1.2261 0.04631 115 93 18 4
1215 And then the meteor hits and we all go extinct! 1.2261 0.04950 115 95 14 6
1216 Beavis and Butthead - The Prequel. 1.2258 0.04699 124 102 16 6
1217 No, I don't see anything, but I hate it when those princes get stuck in your teeth. 1.2258 0.04411 124 100 20 4
1218 I learned it from some boy scouts I was staking out, 1.2256 0.04351 133 108 20 5
1219 I get slapstick but not irony. 1.2255 0.04808 102 82 17 3
1220 . . . and then BOOM! We get wiped-out by a meteor. How crazy is that? 1.2255 0.05006 102 83 15 4
1221 But the campers had all covered themselves… with cilantro! 1.2255 0.05557 102 86 9 7
1222 They called it "meteorite". 1.2254 0.04168 142 115 22 5
1223 Can you lipread me now? 1.2252 0.04904 111 91 15 5
1224 Slowly, the asteroid crept closer... and closer... and closer... 1.2252 0.04904 111 91 15 5
1225 Look, it’s something to do until the Ice Age passes. 1.2252 0.04904 111 91 15 5
1226 Do you see any Boyscout in my teeth? 1.2252 0.04735 111 90 17 4
1227 Oh my God you're right. You do look like Godzilla. 1.2250 0.04802 120 99 15 6
1228 .........and then they took over the House and the Senate. 1.2250 0.04945 120 100 13 7
1229 And then kids will be obsessed with us and put our images on their clothes 1.2250 0.04654 120 98 17 5
1230 Stop pretending to be a human, you‘re scaring me 1.2250 0.04802 120 99 15 6
1231 Closer and closer came the gigantic asteroid as it hurtled through space at thousands of miles per hour... 1.2250 0.04654 120 98 17 5
1232 I wonder how many people will know or remember that we discovered fire and invented flashlights. 1.2250 0.04945 120 100 13 7
1233 But this Knight didn't just slay, he slayed all day. 1.2250 0.04501 120 97 19 4
1234 And he was doing this right before I ate him and the kid. 1.2250 0.04945 120 100 13 7
1235 Oh stop it! That makes you look like a monster! 1.2250 0.04501 120 97 19 4
1236 You don't need a flashlight for the asteroid story.. 1.2243 0.05023 107 88 14 5
1237 Do I have any people stuck in my teeth? 1.2243 0.05023 107 88 14 5
1238 And then he realized “corporate restructuring” meant extinction 1.2243 0.05196 107 89 12 6
1239 Every summer, those Cub Scouts return to haunt these woods. 1.2241 0.04596 116 94 18 4
1240 Then the Stegosaurus said, ‘Flashlights haven’t been invented yet!’ 1.2241 0.04429 116 93 20 3
1241 And when the dad checked under the bed, there was a scary human hiding there! 1.2241 0.04257 116 92 22 2
1242 And the giant meteor kept getting closer and closer... 1.2241 0.04756 116 95 16 5
1243 And then, the humans came to eat us. 1.2241 0.04596 116 94 18 4
1244 And then they took his DNA and made him a theme park! 1.2241 0.04596 116 94 18 4
1245 And then the mammals came! 1.2240 0.04074 125 99 24 2
1246 I AM being honest. I don't see any new hairs, Shelley. 1.2240 0.04665 125 103 16 6
1247 Come on baby, light my fire. 1.2239 0.04054 134 107 24 3
1248 And thousands of Neanderthals each with spears and yelling "kill, kill, kill," surrounded the terror-filled T-Rex. 1.2233 0.05150 103 85 13 5
1249 They made a movie of grandpa attacking Tokyo, but because he wasn't a SAG member, they didn't even pay him scale. 1.2233 0.05150 103 85 13 5
1250 ''Sorry honey but I'm pretty sure the smoke is from the fire, not your nostrils'' 1.2233 0.04766 103 83 17 3
1251 Forget the asteroid. I’ll tell you something REALLY scary! 1.2232 0.04865 112 92 15 5
1252 Don't look now but your feet are beginning to smoke. 1.2232 0.04696 112 91 17 4
1253 I know flossing is scary, but look at the results! 1.2232 0.05185 112 94 11 7
1254 Don’t worry! Humans aren’t real. 1.2232 0.05027 112 93 13 6
1255 I prefer the light of the silvery moon 1.2231 0.04766 121 100 15 6
1256 And after the deadly asteroid laid waste to the earth, the largest animals left alive were a bunch of disgusting little tree shrews! 1.2231 0.04467 121 98 19 4
1257 Come on, man! Too scary! 1.2231 0.04467 121 98 19 4
1258 No, I don't see any shoelaces caught between your teeth. 1.2231 0.04766 121 100 15 6
1259 Then Jeff Goldblum comes back and he’s still going on about chaos theory. 1.2231 0.04667 130 108 15 7
1260 What are you going to do once you burn out the batteries in that thing? 1.2231 0.04267 130 105 21 4
1261 And then the baby sprang out from under the bed with a blood-curdling shriek! 1.2230 0.04090 139 112 23 4
1262 I thought it funny too, but on humans it has the opposite effect 1.2222 0.04881 99 80 16 3
1263 No, these weren't normal campers - They were glampers and the rules didn't apply them! 1.2222 0.04766 126 105 14 7
1264 I would be a better storyteller but I have tendency to dragon.” R.Weingast New York, N.Y. 1.2222 0.04981 108 89 14 5
1265 Botox, really Shirley? You look fantastic! 1.2222 0.05087 99 81 14 4
1266 It was a dark and stormy night and the Boy Scouts had become lost in the woods with only a flashlight to guide them. When suddenly their beam of light flashed on ,,,,ME! 1.2222 0.04620 108 87 18 3
1267 Wow! Dry feet AND night vision. 1.2222 0.04293 135 110 20 5
1268 If you think you are scaring me, you are wrong. 1.2222 0.05663 99 84 8 7
1269 It was a dark and meteor showery night 1.2222 0.04873 117 97 14 6
1270 And then it got reeeeally cold. 1.2222 0.04873 117 97 14 6
1271 And after is was all over and everyone thought they could finally relax, there came ...THE PREQUEL! 1.2222 0.04631 126 104 16 6
1272 'Pays to floss your teeth, eh? 1.2222 0.04873 117 97 14 6
1273 This is my scary human face! 1.2222 0.04396 117 94 20 3
1274 I don’t care what the dentist told you….you Don’t Need Braces! 1.2222 0.04560 117 95 18 4
1275 And the batteries are rechargeable, and I’m guessing you can probably eat them, too.” 1.2222 0.04620 108 87 18 3
1276 Did you floss? 1.2222 0.05286 99 82 12 5
1277 Almost makes me look scary, huh? 1.2222 0.04348 126 102 20 4
1278 ...and your decaying body will be dug up and burned as fuel by future generations. 1.2222 0.04631 126 104 16 6
1279 Take the flashlight! I can tell you have to go. 1.2222 0.04766 126 105 14 7
1280 Not scary Kevin. And I seriously doubt that this camp site is built on top of an ancient mammalian burial ground! 1.2222 0.04665 99 79 18 2
1281 It's me, Elon Musk, and you're fired! 1.2222 0.05021 117 98 12 7
1282 Yikes! You lookHUMAN! 1.2222 0.04719 117 96 16 5
1283 …and the whole story was written by a computer! 1.2222 0.04200 126 101 22 3
1284 A comet, you say? 1.2222 0.04492 126 103 18 5
1285 Then they get into SUVs and take two parking spaces. 1.2222 0.04293 135 110 20 5
1286 It makes you look even meaner. 1.2222 0.04881 99 80 16 3
1287 BOO! He was a scaredactyl. 1.2222 0.04981 108 89 14 5
1288 No, it doesn't look scary. I can just see all your tartar. 1.2222 0.04348 126 102 20 4
1289 Let me tell you a human story… 1.2222 0.04348 126 102 20 4
1290 You look human 1.2222 0.04719 117 96 16 5
1291 And a big, fiery rock comes down from the sky... 1.2214 0.04064 140 113 23 4
1292 Grrr-Assic! 1.2214 0.04506 131 108 17 6
1293 And then, the beautiful maiden declared herself non-binary. 1.2213 0.04279 122 98 21 3
1294 The only prophecy yet to be fulfilled involves an asteroid... 1.2212 0.04659 113 92 17 4
1295 A song, four words, first word sounds like . . . . 1.2212 0.04659 113 92 17 4
1296 I learned this from the humans we ate...scary, huh? 1.2212 0.04825 113 93 15 5
1297 And she shouts, "It's a cookbook!" 1.2212 0.05142 113 95 11 7
1298 Meteorites? Come on, Michael! This thing will only attract moths … 1.2212 0.04659 113 92 17 4
1299 … and they call us fossil fuels!” 1.2212 0.04986 113 94 13 6
1300 And then the voice whispered his dying word: extinction. 1.2212 0.04725 104 84 17 3
1301 And then they said, "We've traced the call and it's coming from inside the cave." 1.2212 0.04918 104 85 15 4
1302 Fire is so yesterday. 1.2212 0.05790 104 90 5 9
1303 And they sit at the computers all day. Typing emails! 1.2212 0.04725 104 84 17 3
1304 The Beast... With FIVE FINGERS! 1.2212 0.04918 104 85 15 4
1305 Why do humans like camping? 1.2212 0.04918 104 85 15 4
1306 And Chris Pratt reboots the franchise! 1.2206 0.04512 136 113 16 7
1307 and Barney was never seen again." The End. 1.2205 0.04598 127 105 16 6
1308 And then he cried out, "My name is Bilbo Baggins!" 1.2205 0.04170 127 102 22 3
1309 I said please don’t do that! It really makes you look human! 1.2203 0.04683 118 97 16 5
1310 And this is the scary part: it was a H*U*M*A*N 1.2203 0.04683 118 97 16 5
1311 And as our vaporized bodies increase the earth’s temperature, the humans will do… NOTHING! 1.2203 0.04525 118 96 18 4
1312 Does This Make Me Look Gentle? 1.2203 0.04683 118 97 16 5
1313 The end 1.2202 0.05272 109 92 10 7
1314 you're just not that scary 1.2202 0.04582 109 88 18 3
1315 Humans were extinct millions of years ago! Stop playing with their toys!! 1.2202 0.05108 109 91 12 6
1316 ‘Blinded by the light’…wait, what? No, that can’t be the next lyric. 1.2202 0.04764 109 89 16 4
1317 Then I took my human form and became president 1.2202 0.05272 109 92 10 7
1318 Don't beat around the bush, just tell me if I really look extinct 1.2200 0.05238 100 83 12 5
1319 Is that what he was holding when you ate him? 1.2200 0.05238 100 83 12 5
1320 Your face is gonna freeze like that forever. 1.2195 0.04835 123 103 13 7
1321 [...] then, the monsters heard a horrifying voice that said: "babe, can you pass me the marshmallows?" 1.2195 0.04088 123 98 23 2
1322 After the knock at the door a voice spoke "This is the IRS, you're being audited" 1.2193 0.04946 114 95 13 6
1323 But it seems that the major extinction event was coming from INSIDE the house! 1.2193 0.04622 114 93 17 4
1324 ...and just like that, Social Security, gas stoves, history books, and common sense were lost forever. 1.2193 0.04946 114 95 13 6
1325 And then the Fed raised interest rates to six percent. 1.2193 0.04787 114 94 15 5
1326 Do I look normal and non-threatening when I do this?? 1.2190 0.05577 105 90 7 8
1327 and that's when he noticed a tiny arm reaching for him! 1.2190 0.05060 105 87 13 5
1328 Suddenly the sheets moved and a face appeared from over the bed. IT WAS A LITTLE BOY! 1.2190 0.05238 105 88 11 6
1329 OMG! It makes you look like a monster, when the light is right under your face! 1.2190 0.04684 105 85 17 3
1330 your feet scare me more than the story 1.2188 0.04428 128 105 18 5
1331 any extinct stories? 1.2188 0.04565 128 106 16 6
1332 Don't shine the light up like that. It makes you look like a monster! 1.2188 0.04953 128 109 10 9
1333 No! Surely a killer comet is scarier than an asteroid? 1.2185 0.03987 119 94 24 1
1334 Dude, you're already a monster what's the flashlight supposed to do? 1.2185 0.04491 119 97 18 4
1335 And then, a giant asteroid appeared in the sky... 1.2185 0.04647 119 98 16 5
1336 ...and years later they dig up your corpse to put on DISPLAY! 1.2185 0.04944 119 100 12 7
1337 You're right, these dragon costumes do make scary stories scarier. 1.2183 0.04370 142 118 17 7
1338 So once upon a time there was an asteroid 1.2183 0.04370 142 118 17 7
1339 And THIS is why you should always brush. 1.2182 0.04545 110 89 18 3
1340 Enough with the flashlight. This “no sun” thing really has me spooked. 1.2180 0.04314 133 109 19 5
1341 Sometimes you never know a person until you go camping with them. 1.2178 0.05190 101 84 12 5
1342 Oh, wow! For a second there you looked like a human!! 1.2174 0.04749 115 95 15 5
1343 For the last time, no I do not know what anachronistic means and the dictionary won't be invented for centuries. 1.2174 0.04240 115 92 21 2
1344 Jurassic Park - After Dark 1.2174 0.04585 115 94 17 4
1345 O.K., who's dead? 1.2174 0.04585 115 94 17 4
1346 Do I have hobbit in my teeth? 1.2174 0.04749 115 95 15 5
1347 And then the human ATE the laundry pod! 1.2174 0.04749 115 95 15 5
1348 The asteroid was coming from within the atmosphere! 1.2174 0.04585 115 94 17 4
1349 These ghost stories do dragon 1.2174 0.04749 115 95 15 5
1350 ...and they called him Godzilla! 1.2174 0.04585 115 94 17 4
1351 I want to wake up in a city that never sleeps, and find that I’m king of the hill 1.2171 0.04397 129 106 18 5
1352 Turn that off! You're going to attract Mothra. 1.2171 0.04664 129 108 14 7
1353 You still have some camper stuck in your teeth. 1.2170 0.05193 106 89 11 6
1354 Wait, how many dinosaurs came out to play? 1.2170 0.04447 106 85 19 2
1355 Watch carefully as I exhale. 1.2170 0.05017 106 88 13 5
1356 And that's when he realized he wasn't in Tokyo ... he was in Tampa! 1.2170 0.04447 106 85 19 2
1357 Stop it, Glen, you're scaring the eggs. 1.2170 0.04834 106 87 15 4
1358 I'd rather you light my fire. 1.2170 0.05193 106 89 11 6
1359 …dude asteroid jokes aren’t cool man 1.2170 0.04834 106 87 15 4
1360 And when exactly did St. George get a flashlight? 1.2167 0.04611 120 99 16 5
1361 When you do that it makes me realize how much better looking I am than you. 1.2167 0.04761 120 100 14 6
1362 Invis-a-lign! Get it? 1.2167 0.04131 120 96 22 2
1363 And that's the story of how the evil humans destroyed the earth! 1.2167 0.04611 120 99 16 5
1364 How do I take a selfie with this thing? 1.2165 0.05124 97 80 13 4
1365 See my teeth, I ate a Dentist today. 1.2165 0.05124 97 80 13 4
1366 Okay, okay. You’re very scary now, alright? 1.2165 0.05528 97 82 9 6
1367 You've never looked better. 1.2165 0.04687 97 78 17 2
1368 And here’s an old classic from the Jurassic… 1.2165 0.05124 97 80 13 4
1369 And then the big meteor got closer and closer ... 1.2162 0.04858 111 92 14 5
1370 Omigod, you look like a human! 1.2162 0.04322 111 89 20 2
1371 And there stood Big Foot! 1.2162 0.04128 111 88 22 1
1372 Buzzingaaa!! 1.2162 0.04686 111 91 16 4
1373 It came out of the scary tent—head, two arms, two legs, and it walked upright. 1.2162 0.04858 111 92 14 5
1374 And then a giant asteroid wipes us all out! 1.2162 0.04686 111 91 16 4
1375 ...and then humans take over the earth. 1.2162 0.04508 111 90 18 3
1376 Okay, that's going to give me nightmares for a millennium. 1.2162 0.04322 111 89 20 2
1377 …and they will sell chicken nuggets shaped like us. 1.2162 0.05023 111 93 12 6
1378 Sure, you look scary. But Tokyo it ain't. 1.2160 0.04484 125 103 17 5
1379 Hey, Vegas, it's great to be back! 1.2160 0.04338 125 102 19 4
1380 ...and then he called for his dad to check under the bed! 1.2157 0.04751 102 83 16 3
1381 And this light suddenly appeared in the sky and got bigger and brighter, BIGGER AND BRIGHTER, and then … 1.2157 0.04951 102 84 14 4
1382 And then they use this light when the fire goes out 1.2157 0.04751 102 83 16 3
1383 And you don’t have to plug it in. 1.2157 0.04751 102 83 16 3
1384 And suddenly, a huge fire rock appeared in the sky! 1.2157 0.04751 102 83 16 3
1385 I always look better in the dark. 1.2155 0.04550 116 95 17 4
1386 “The last time I ate one of our own kind was around a campfire just like this …” he began his story with a dinosaur-devil face . 1.2155 0.04207 116 93 21 2
1387 Here’s a great scary story. An asteroid hits the earth, leads to a mass extinction that kills off all the dinosaurs. What a crock! 1.2155 0.04382 116 94 19 3
1388 I find fire with big light, no heat. 1.2150 0.04793 107 88 15 4
1389 I think it was better when we breathed the only fire. 1.2150 0.04793 107 88 15 4
1390 We're not alone. 1.2150 0.04605 107 87 17 3
1391 …Maaaarjorie Taaaaaylor Greeeeene! 1.2150 0.04793 107 88 15 4
1392 A Caveman taught me this move. 1.2149 0.04265 121 98 20 3
1393 Yes, I think whitening strips will make a big improvement. 1.2149 0.04265 121 98 20 3
1394 Ha! I'm brighter than you! 1.2149 0.04424 121 99 18 4
1395 But… the asteroid *didn’t* miss Earth as expected! 1.2143 0.04648 112 92 16 4
1396 ... and they realized the sounds of the child were coming from on top of the bed! 1.2143 0.04644 98 79 17 2
1397 YES, I SEE THE CAVITY NOW. 1.2143 0.04865 98 80 15 3
1398 And then the human said: let's do taxes. 1.2143 0.05280 98 82 11 5
1399 Your stories are so out of date! 1.2143 0.04644 98 79 17 2
1400 And then, after the killer asteroid, came the real destroyer ... HOMO SAPIENS! 1.2143 0.04865 98 80 15 3
1401 Yes, I am out of batteries AGAIN. 1.2143 0.04818 112 93 14 5
1402 And then this huge asteroid appeared across the sky… 1.2143 0.04592 126 105 15 6
1403 The hitchhiker had vanished! And only her puff of smoke remained. 1.2137 0.04675 117 97 15 5
1404 One of the archaeologists dropped it. 1.2137 0.04514 117 96 17 4
1405 And all anyone ever found of them were fossils.. 1.2137 0.04675 117 97 15 5
1406 And then they turn them into purses! 1.2137 0.04830 117 98 13 6
1407 . . . And then Human Beings took over the planet! 1.2137 0.04348 117 95 19 3
1408 Look! Forty years later and I'm still immature. 1.2136 0.04907 103 85 14 4
1409 Woe-ho! I'm a meteor landing in Mexico! 1.2136 0.04907 103 85 14 4
1410 And they lived raptory ever after. 1.2136 0.04709 103 84 16 3
1411 I don't get, is this supposed to be scary? 1.2136 0.04907 103 85 14 4
1412 I’m a caveman. I discovered fire. I’m top of the food chain 1.2133 0.04187 150 125 18 7
1413 Sure, Man discovered fire, but I invented the flashlight. 1.2131 0.04831 122 103 12 7
1414 And to this day...no one knows where he's buried 1.2131 0.04831 122 103 12 7
1415 For God’s sake, Frank, put that thing away. You’re ugly enough as it is. 1.2130 0.04931 108 90 13 5
1416 ...and then the human jumped up behind me and screamed 'SELFIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!' 1.2130 0.04931 108 90 13 5
1417 And then he ripped off his own face, and inside was a human the whole time! 1.2130 0.04373 108 87 19 2
1418 And the meteor came closer and CLOSER!! 1.2130 0.04753 108 89 15 4
1419 You keep that up, your face will stay that way. 1.2128 0.05427 94 79 10 5
1420 Stop clowning and get the marshmallows. 1.2128 0.05212 94 78 12 4
1421 ... and the police sergeant said, 'We traced the lizard skin handbags - they're made inside the house. Get out!' 1.2126 0.04694 127 107 13 7
1422 Legend has it that our days here are numbered! 1.2126 0.04559 127 106 15 6
1423 So we died too? 1.2126 0.04127 127 103 21 3
1424 This IS my scary face. 1.2124 0.04611 113 93 16 4
1425 So there was this T-Rex with a hook for a hand... 1.2124 0.04779 113 94 14 5
1426 And stealthily, the cowardly Saint George crrreppppt up on the sweetly sleeping innocent dragon . . . 1.2124 0.04611 113 93 16 4
1427 And someday your bones will be on display in a museum. 1.2124 0.04779 113 94 14 5
1428 You'll perish in a firey BANG. And at the Smithsonian, they won't even charge people to see your bones. 1.2124 0.04436 113 92 18 3
1429 That last paleontologist gave me heartburn 1.2124 0.04779 113 94 14 5
1430 And..... Then they said no more social security ! 1.2121 0.05030 99 82 13 4
1431 …And now a word from our sponsor. 1.2121 0.04602 99 80 17 2
1432 Am I scary or what ! 1.2121 0.05030 99 82 13 4
1433 OMG! How scary! I thought you looked like a human! 1.2119 0.04315 118 96 19 3
1434 Yes, I said you're not very bright but that doesn't help. 1.2115 0.04668 104 85 16 3
1435 When is it my turn to use the flashlight and show off my teeth? 1.2115 0.04864 104 86 14 4
1436 I am telling a joke! 1.2115 0.05053 104 87 12 5
1437 Still carrying a torch for me “ 1.2115 0.04668 104 85 16 3
1438 Yes, your dentist did a great job, but how much did you pay? 1.2115 0.04464 104 84 18 2
1439 Egad! Then what did St. George do? 1.2115 0.04864 104 86 14 4
1440 …and then the human crawled out from under the bed. What happens next will blow your mind… 1.2115 0.05234 104 88 10 6
1441 Hunting humans is easy...I do this and they just drop dead!! 1.2114 0.04358 123 101 18 4
1442 Were batteries included? 1.2110 0.04337 109 88 19 2
1443 They checked the nest, and... the horror! There, newly hatched before them, a purple vegan singing dinosaur, immaculately conceived by the imagination of children! 1.2110 0.04529 109 89 17 3
1444 Arrrggggh...I'm a Person! 1.2110 0.04529 109 89 17 3
1445 Suddenly, everyone got obsessed with a show about wealthy people in luxury resorts with a hefty dose of betrayal, sex, drugs, and murder. That’s how we became irrelevant on tv shows… 1.2110 0.04713 109 90 15 4
1446 Never have I ever drunk a craft beer. 1.2105 0.04463 95 76 18 1
1447 That works on the kids, Karl, but you don’t frighten me. 1.2105 0.04032 114 91 22 1
1448 Being a Republican, I am only trying to keep you in fear 1.2105 0.04740 114 95 14 5
1449 ...suddenly this huge flaming rock pierces our atmosphere and click, lights out. 1.2105 0.04032 114 91 22 1
1450 I assure you. There's nothing in your teeth. 1.2105 0.04740 114 95 14 5
1451 I don't think we can cook with it but I love how flattering it is on my face. 1.2105 0.04708 95 77 16 2
1452 And then—the latest ‘Jurassic Park’ sequel went straight-to-streaming! 1.2105 0.04940 95 78 14 3
1453 And just when you thought it was finally over, they started a whole new franchise called Jurassic WORLD! 1.2101 0.04418 138 116 15 7
1454 I know you're trying, Roger, but I'm just not terrified. 1.2101 0.04445 119 98 17 4
1455 Phil, are there any campers stuck in my teeth? 1.2101 0.04603 119 99 15 5
1456 I think you've just invented the selfie. 1.2100 0.04984 100 83 13 4
1457 And when he turned around, there was a giant robot copy of himself!!! 1.2100 0.04984 100 83 13 4
1458 Check this! Do I look like Godzilla? 1.2100 0.04777 100 82 15 3
1459 …and there’s a bunny that just keeps going and going. 1.2097 0.04172 124 101 20 3
1460 And then, hurtling out of the night ski was a fire ball like no one has ever seen! What happened next? 1.2097 0.04172 124 101 20 3
1461 And in the morning... I'm making waffles! 1.2097 0.04326 124 102 18 4
1462 Gerald, I think we need to talk about our divorce. 1.2095 0.04426 105 85 18 2
1463 Isn't this more fun than Dungeons and Dragons? 1.2095 0.04628 105 86 16 3
1464 If man is a monster, I have a monster inside of me. 1.2095 0.04426 105 85 18 2
1465 and a giant rock headed this way. 1.2095 0.04822 105 87 14 4
1466 Stop shaking, climate change is a just a myth. 1.2095 0.05008 105 88 12 5
1467 And then they put your bones into a museum for groups of children to fart on 1.2095 0.04628 105 86 16 3
1468 How have you been affected by cancelation? 1.2093 0.04494 129 108 15 6
1469 Crap, marshmallows are still a million years away... 1.2091 0.04492 110 90 17 3
1470 Asteroid stories again? 1.2091 0.04674 110 91 15 4
1471 '"So then he ghosted me." 1.2091 0.04849 110 92 13 5
1472 Do I have a survival skills badge stuck in my teeth? 1.2091 0.04849 110 92 13 5
1473 By the time I sing 'Don't Rain on My Parade,' they'll have forgotten Barbra completely. 1.2091 0.04492 110 90 17 3
1474 With those looks we'll never survive. 1.2091 0.04302 110 89 19 2
1475 And that, dear boy, is why the first Tyrannosauruses became rextinct. 1.2091 0.04492 110 90 17 3
1476 Oh, dear. Go for back lighting. 1.2091 0.05018 110 93 11 6
1477 Maybe man invented fire, but look at what I invented! 1.2087 0.04537 115 95 16 4
1478 And the whole park was full of HUMANS 1.2087 0.04537 115 95 16 4
1479 And then, after thousands of years, they'll dig up your body and turn it into single-use toothpicks! 1.2087 0.04537 115 95 16 4
1480 And then the spooky comet made the Chicxulub crater 1.2087 0.04862 115 97 12 6
1481 Like usual, his short arms were of no use. 1.2087 0.04703 115 96 14 5
1482 And I see Sasquatch and I go like "Boo"! 1.2087 0.04366 115 94 18 3
1483 It was a bright and balmy day... 1.2087 0.04862 115 97 12 6
1484 It's from the future! 1.2087 0.04366 115 94 18 3
1485 This motherfucker. 1.2083 0.04865 120 102 11 7
1486 ... and then, out of the woods, came a pack of Cub Scouts. 1.2083 0.04718 120 101 13 6
1487 One of their better inventions. 1.2083 0.04250 120 98 19 3
1488 And when the light shines in the dragon’s face you could see little bits of Boy Scout in its teeth! 1.2083 0.04568 120 100 15 5
1489 Check this out. We can stop breathing fire 1.2083 0.05322 96 81 10 5
1490 Stop it, Keith, you’re freaking me it. 1.2079 0.04939 101 84 13 4
1491 I'd look a lot scarier with music. 1.2079 0.04734 101 83 15 3
1492 Where do you find batteries for that thing? 1.2079 0.04939 101 84 13 4
1493 …his heart sank… but then he remembered that he was an apex predator and he lived happily ever after. 1.2079 0.04734 101 83 15 3
1494 Okay, but apart from the ability to make fire, the dexterity to make tools and the invention of electricity, what have opposable thumbs ever really given you?” 1.2079 0.05135 101 85 11 5
1495 Well, I can say this. You need to floss more. 1.2079 0.04734 101 83 15 3
1496 And that's how the Jurassic Park came to an end 1.2079 0.04939 101 84 13 4
1497 And this is how you look scary with a flashlight. 1.2079 0.05135 101 85 11 5
1498 "Tell me another scary story about the mammals. 1.2079 0.04734 101 83 15 3
1499 No Frank, I am not scared. You should know by now I have thicker skin than that! 1.2079 0.05135 101 85 11 5
1500 …and then the big, scary, fiery rock fell from the sky… 1.2079 0.05135 101 85 11 5
1501 And then the wretched creature said, “I’m all out of Thin Mints!” 1.2079 0.04939 101 84 13 4
1502 Oh sure. A giant asteroid will kill us all. Right. 1.2075 0.04965 106 89 12 5
1503 You forgot the bear repellent spray? 1.2075 0.04388 106 86 18 2
1504 You know, ‘Brontosaurus’ is considered racially offensive today. 1.2075 0.04965 106 89 12 5
1505 You are really freaking me out Bret. 1.2075 0.04780 106 88 14 4
1506 Just shine the light under you chin like this. And it scares the hell out of the monsters. 1.2075 0.04589 106 87 16 3
1507 And they were made into chicken nuggets! 1.2072 0.04455 111 91 17 3
1508 And the only thing left of that whole family was a thin silvery trace of iridium. 1.2072 0.04635 111 92 15 4
1509 And then the politicians said, “I’m not a scientist, but rocks don’t just fall from space.” 1.2072 0.04976 111 94 11 6
1510 And then, where the tail was supposed to be, was another tiny arm!!! 1.2072 0.04809 111 93 13 5
1511 It's nice to warm up my face with the light,don't you agree? 1.2072 0.04267 111 90 19 2
1512 Those weren’t functional mushrooms. 1.2072 0.04267 111 90 19 2
1513 STOP!!! It's cold and dark and you're scaring me. 1.2069 0.04332 116 95 18 3
1514 Nothing scarier than the extinction. 1.2066 0.04378 121 100 17 4
1515 Whoa! That meteor hitting the earth story is your scariest one yet. 1.2066 0.04052 121 98 21 2
1516 We need to invent marshmallows for nights like this 1.2066 0.04682 121 102 13 6
1517 Get it? This is the last face you'll see. 1.2066 0.04682 121 102 13 6
1518 And this is the story of Humannosaurus Wrecks. 1.2066 0.04827 121 103 11 7
1519 Then the human said, "Mumm it tastes just like chicken". 1.2065 0.05017 92 76 13 3
1520 And then I saw a human! 1.2065 0.04773 92 75 15 2
1521 Check out my Donald Trump impersonation. 1.2065 0.05250 92 77 11 4
1522 Found this new teeth whitening cream made 'specially for dragons. 1.2065 0.05017 92 76 13 3
1523 Yeah,but no, wait… Can you hear me now? 1.2065 0.05250 92 77 11 4
1524 Suddenly, a human child’s face appears from ABOVE the bed! 1.2065 0.05473 92 78 9 5
1525 But greater than the fear that made their blood run hot was the fear they would be shamed on social media. 1.2065 0.05017 92 76 13 3
1526 Told you not to eat the dermatologist! 1.2065 0.04773 92 75 15 2
1527 This is one of the reasons she broke up with you. 1.2065 0.05687 92 79 7 6
1528 Oh puh-lease! That gag is prehistoric… 1.2062 0.04847 97 80 14 3
1529 Tell me more terrifying human stories dad! 1.2062 0.05271 97 82 10 5
1530 Helen! It’s me—Murray. 1.2062 0.05064 97 81 12 4
1531 I think we've finally found a way to look scary. 1.2062 0.04847 97 80 14 3
1532 Yes yes, the Invisalign works so well, it IS scary. 1.2061 0.04562 131 111 13 7
1533 George was no saint. 1.2059 0.04692 102 84 15 3
1534 And then they put me in Jurassic Park. 1.2059 0.04894 102 85 13 4
1535 Don't worry. We can roast marshmallows even if the fire goes out. 1.2059 0.05276 102 87 9 6
1536 …ad then we were all transformed into oil that bipedal monkeys used to cook the planet! 1.2059 0.04692 102 84 15 3
1537 We're BOTH dragons, remember? 1.2059 0.04894 102 85 13 4
1538 And then out of nowhere came this meteor. 1.2059 0.04480 102 83 17 2
1539 Then, after the meteor struck the world was taken over by two legged mammals who tried to destroy what was left!" 1.2059 0.04894 102 85 13 4
1540 And then KaaaaPOW! We were all replaced by little bipeds with hideous loooong arms. 1.2056 0.04739 107 89 14 4
1541 We should probably put out the fire as we are the last of our kind, don't ya think ?? 1.2056 0.04739 107 89 14 4
1542 Not to be rude, but can you see if I have some of that ichthyologist stuck between my teeth? 1.2056 0.04739 107 89 14 4
1543 Don't kid yourself. It gives a fiercely brighter smile. 1.2056 0.04550 107 88 16 3
1544 He was a hardworking immigrant — they took one look and ran screaming, ‘Ahhhh, it’s Godzilla!’ 1.2054 0.04419 112 92 17 3
1545 ...and then the meteors rained down everywhere! 1.2054 0.04419 112 92 17 3
1546 Once upon a time,there was a meteor 1.2051 0.04298 117 96 18 3
1547 Aging feet are a bitch. 1.2051 0.04298 117 96 18 3
1548 Quit goofing off! If those batteries go dead we'll see who's scared! 1.2051 0.04298 117 96 18 3
1549 Why did you name it, “Flashlight?” 1.2051 0.04629 117 98 14 5
1550 …George Martin quit writing and nobody ever worked again 1.2051 0.04629 117 98 14 5
1551 As the smoke cleared, the terrible face appeared. It was the Master Dragon Slayer- GEORGE SANTOS! 1.2049 0.04346 122 101 17 4
1552 It was a knight a lot like this knight... 1.2049 0.04499 122 102 15 5
1553 No, you're thinking of The Blair Witch Project. Bruce Willis was in the The Sixth Sense. 1.2047 0.04519 127 107 14 6
1554 Be honest. Do I look scary or just silly? 1.2047 0.04233 127 105 18 4
1555 I thought we discovered light until I found this thing. 1.2043 0.05198 93 78 11 4
1556 You mean you prefer our old mating ritual? 1.2043 0.05418 93 79 9 5
1557 So is this the glamping part of the trip? 1.2043 0.04727 93 76 15 2
1558 Fred, you don’t need the flashlight to look scary: You’re a dragon. 1.2043 0.04968 93 77 13 3
1559 Don't, please. You look too much like yourself. 1.2041 0.05222 98 83 10 5
1560 He did the mash. He did the... 1.2041 0.04802 98 81 14 3
1561 I think you had one too many roasted peasants. 1.2041 0.04577 98 80 16 2
1562 Hunter-Gatherer Stories! 1.2041 0.04802 98 81 14 3
1563 What are batteries ? 1.2041 0.05222 98 83 10 5
1564 Oh relax, it's just a helicopter. 1.2039 0.04851 103 86 13 4
1565 I don’t know the end of the story. This is when I ate him. 1.2039 0.04441 103 84 17 2
1566 Bad lighting, the scariest thing of all. 1.2039 0.04441 103 84 17 2
1567 Hands on the wheel!” yelled the police officer. 1.2039 0.04650 103 85 15 3
1568 THAT vegetarian meal was delish! Any bones stuck in my teeth? 1.2039 0.05407 103 89 7 7
1569 This story's called "The very scary meteorite". 1.2039 0.04851 103 86 13 4
1570 And then a big rock hit the planet and wiped us all out. 1.2039 0.04441 103 84 17 2
1571 Fire, schmire, I still think they taste better raw. 1.2039 0.05228 103 88 9 6
1572 Stop joking around, there's an asteroid coming! 1.2039 0.05043 103 87 11 5
1573 "Am I the light of your life? 1.2039 0.04441 103 84 17 2
1574 And then they chose an orange to be their leader. 1.2039 0.05043 103 87 11 5
1575 You just farted, didn't you. 1.2037 0.04699 108 90 14 4
1576 And then, the monster turned out to be a... meteor! 1.2037 0.04699 108 90 14 4
1577 And when they do this, that's when you jump out of the bushes! 1.2037 0.04511 108 89 16 3
1578 But Democrats, upon learning the Republicans had nominated Trump once again, realized they no choice but to vote for Biden. 1.2037 0.04880 108 91 12 5
1579 The next day, they found the Tokyo Tower hanging on the car door! 1.2037 0.04511 108 89 16 3
1580 Whoa! That's even scarier than your Madonna impression. 1.2035 0.04199 113 92 19 2
1581 It is just not quite the same as when we breathed fire to scare them. 1.2035 0.04730 113 95 13 5
1582 But this move had that gorilla climbing the wall. 1.2035 0.04560 113 94 15 4
1583 …and one day…they will use our dead bodies… as fuel 1.2035 0.04730 113 95 13 5
1584 And they say that if you listen closely on a night just like tonight, you can still hear the sobs of parents who named their children Daenerys. 1.2035 0.04560 113 94 15 4
1585 This is what that scary kid looked like before I ate him. 1.2034 0.04432 118 98 16 4
1586 And after taking a bite of the human, he realized it was... a VEGAN! 1.2034 0.04432 118 98 16 4
1587 Your fossil fuel got nothin' on my long-lasting battery-powered flashlight. 1.2034 0.04593 118 99 14 5
1588 And then she found out the calls were coming from inside the house! 1.2033 0.04313 123 102 17 4
1589 Tell me another story, Puff! 1.2022 0.05099 89 74 12 3
1590 And then, they won’t even catch their food. They get groceries. 1.2021 0.05574 94 81 7 6
1591 Suddenly he realized his arms were too short to lift the carcass! 1.2021 0.04682 94 77 15 2
1592 Just relax you are adorable.” 1.2021 0.04682 94 77 15 2
1593 I don't know what was scarier, your ghost story or your people story. 1.2021 0.04920 94 78 13 3
1594 And then, Karen demanded to speak to ... a manager! 1.2020 0.04758 99 82 14 3
1595 Eh, I don’t know if I believe that asteroid dust would change the global climate. 1.2020 0.04758 99 82 14 3
1596 For starters, there are these things called humans … 1.2020 0.05173 99 84 10 5
1597 Do you know the origin story of that aggressive T-Rex in Jurassic Park? Well, I’ll tell you the tea. 1.2020 0.04536 99 81 16 2
1598 Where did you get that thing? You know, it doesn't make you look any better. 1.2019 0.04402 104 85 17 2
1599 No more puffing the magic dragon. 1.2019 0.04609 104 86 15 3
1600 Save your breath! 1.2019 0.04808 104 87 13 4
1601 ...and then the meteors came down. 1.2019 0.04185 104 84 19 1
1602 And then they smile and laugh... LIKE THIS! 1.2019 0.04808 104 87 13 4
1603 Three Mesozoics walk into a bar".. 1.2019 0.04609 104 86 15 3
1604 It’s funny but I don’t think this will be a successful invention because it’s just light, it doesn’t get warm and you can’t use it for barbecue… 1.2019 0.04998 104 88 11 5
1605 And then, an asteroid hit Earth. 1.2018 0.03862 109 87 22 0
1606 Don’t you think it’s time we evolve into something better. 1.2018 0.04660 109 91 14 4
1607 Now that’s scary! 1.2018 0.04660 109 91 14 4
1608 It was a dark and stormy night. High above, a giant asteroid silently approached the Earth... 1.2018 0.04839 109 92 12 5
1609 It's a gimmick Reg. Had it on for three hours last night and my Pterodactyl was still raw. 1.2018 0.04280 109 89 18 2
1610 And then Britain was taken over by inbred humans! WoooooOooooh! 1.2018 0.04280 109 89 18 2
1611 Let me know if you've heard this one before. Once there was a spoiled despot named Vladimir Putin . . . 1.2018 0.04839 109 92 12 5
1612 What's really scary, is you always burning the Smores. 1.2018 0.04474 109 90 16 3
1613 Wanna hear the one about the little boy under the bed? 1.2018 0.04839 109 92 12 5
1614 And then they were caught between a rock and a hard place… 1.2018 0.04660 109 91 14 4
1615 I still think we need bear spray. 1.2018 0.04076 109 88 20 1
1616 I call it a ‘Chin Illuminator’. 1.2018 0.04692 114 96 13 5
1617 In the year 65,000,000 1.2018 0.04166 114 93 19 2
1618 And then the wild things roared their multi-syllabic roars, and gnashed their pale teeth and rolled their bespectacled eyes and showed their opposable thumbs 1.2017 0.04557 119 100 14 5
1619 And then, the humans had to RETURN TO THE OFFICE!! 1.2016 0.04126 124 102 19 3
1620 That's it? A big rock out of the Sky? 1.2016 0.03794 124 100 23 1
1621 I can’t believe you forgot the marshmallows! 1.2015 0.04208 134 112 17 5
1622 And they called him… Donald Trump! Bwaahahaha…. 1.2000 0.04043 110 89 20 1
1623 Here's a story about global warming. 1.2000 0.05125 100 85 10 5
1624 So, next time you look up at the night sky, don't wish for shooting stars -- you might get something far more dangerous! 1.2000 0.04525 90 73 16 1
1625 Look, I'm a shadow puppet. 1.2000 0.04495 100 82 16 2
1626 … and he had a powerful roar and terrifying teeth, but oddly, tiny hands on short little arms. 1.2000 0.04924 100 84 12 4
1627 Before I grabbed him, they thought this was scary! 1.2000 0.05097 95 80 11 4
1628 A chill ran up my tail: it was Smokey the Bear himself. 1.2000 0.04487 115 96 15 4
1629 And then something moved ON TOP OF THE BED. 1.2000 0.04621 110 92 14 4
1630 Do I have anything in my teeth? 1.2000 0.04487 115 96 15 4
1631 Put out that damn light, you'll draw attention to us! 1.2000 0.04924 100 84 12 4
1632 But then, Tokyo launched their fighter jets and drove Godzilla back into the sea! 1.2000 0.04621 110 92 14 4
1633 And then this horrible monster with orange skin and yellow hair emerged from the woods... 1.2000 0.05125 100 85 10 5
1634 Yup, your lipstick is smudged, I'll call make-up. 1.2000 0.04495 100 82 16 2
1635 Suddenly, there was a huge explosion... and the designated survivor was all alone 1.2000 0.04621 110 92 14 4
1636 It’s just me. There are no monsters here! 1.2000 0.04569 105 87 15 3
1637 How many chins do I have? 1.2000 0.05047 90 75 12 3
1638 …and then the Human smiled an evil smile. 1.2000 0.04621 110 92 14 4
1639 And then this God told the new hairy-creatures that they could rule over all the earth and its creatures! 1.2000 0.04389 95 77 17 1
1640 This is my Geroge Santos face! 1.2000 0.04872 95 79 13 3
1641 So, millions of years after the asteroid kills all of us, using us as fossil fuels, kills all living things once again, the circle of death. 1.2000 0.05125 100 85 10 5
1642 ...and then suddenly this big rock from the sky came crashing down! 1.2000 0.04389 95 77 17 1
1643 You have a cavity, upper right. 1.2000 0.05097 95 80 11 4
1644 You eat the campers and all their stuff but keep their flashlight,every time.....I just don't get it is all. 1.2000 0.04637 95 78 15 2
1645 Well, this is SCARRYOKE ! 1.2000 0.04924 100 84 12 4
1646 And then, they rebooted Jurassic Park with Chris PRATT! 1.2000 0.05481 105 92 5 8
1647 ''Suddenly, a huge ball of fire appeared in the sky, and started plummeting toward earth...'' 1.2000 0.04714 100 83 14 3
1648 Why do you do that when you know it scares the crap out of me. 1.2000 0.04314 115 95 17 3
1649 Well, if you can get that thing to also give us some heat, I’ll consider going green. 1.2000 0.03945 115 93 21 1
1650 Which way is it to Yellowstone? 1.2000 0.04522 120 101 14 5
1651 You’re a shoo in for Pitch Perfect the Prehistoric version! 1.2000 0.04714 100 83 14 3
1652 Give it up already. You’re just not a scary dinosaur. 1.2000 0.05125 100 85 10 5
1653 Heck, you need a mask. 1.2000 0.04714 100 83 14 3
1654 And then suddenly, out of nowhere came this asteroid! 1.2000 0.04364 120 100 16 4
1655 I just think you were scarier with the braces. 1.2000 0.05047 90 75 12 3
1656 Three guys walk into a bar ... 1.2000 0.04525 90 73 16 1
1657 Nope. I don't see a speck of triceratops in your teeth. 1.2000 0.04364 105 86 17 2
1658 Who says that everyone dies in the paleolithic era? 1.2000 0.04637 95 78 15 2
1659 'All right Mr. DeMille, I'm ready for my closeup.' 1.2000 0.04714 100 83 14 3
1660 'You must buy more cookies!' she shrieked.'" 1.2000 0.04793 90 74 14 2
1661 It’s called the SpaceX Dragon Spacecraft”….. “wait, can you remind me what we identify as again? 1.2000 0.04637 95 78 15 2
1662 I’ve been whitening my teeth - can you tell? 1.2000 0.04637 95 78 15 2
1663 And her remains were reincarnated as a relatively inefficient fuel for small motor powered vehicles 1.2000 0.05136 105 90 9 6
1664 Don't be afraid," the bigger human told the small one. "Dinosaurs are extinct! 1.1985 0.04115 131 109 18 4
1665 Turn off that light, Harold. Sasquatch might see us. 1.1984 0.04367 126 106 15 5
1666 Turn it off, Reggie, it does nothing to soften your ugliness! 1.1983 0.04487 121 102 14 5
1667 MAGA! 1.1983 0.04638 121 103 12 6
1668 I don't know what a car is either, Doris. But just go with me on this. 'The couple is in the car parked in the dark forest and they hear three taps on the roof....' 1.1983 0.04331 121 101 16 4
1669 Can you cook with that? 1.1983 0.04487 121 102 14 5
1670 Does it make me look human" 1.1983 0.04280 116 96 17 3
1671 But instead of a claw… it was a human hand! 1.1983 0.04452 116 97 15 4
1672 In about 65 million years, this will scare the socks off you. 1.1983 0.04617 116 98 13 5
1673 And then...a ball of fire SMASHES into the earth, wiping us out! 1.1982 0.04582 111 93 14 4
1674 Turn off that light. They say it attracts asteroids. 1.1982 0.04400 111 92 16 3
1675 Let’s light up 1.1982 0.04210 111 91 18 2
1676 I still don't know why they do this. 1.1982 0.04582 111 93 14 4
1677 The ice caps started to melt and then… MICROPLASTICS!” 1.1982 0.04400 111 92 16 3
1678 I wanted to make sure you wouldn't be scared Darling ,it’s only me! 1.1982 0.04210 111 91 18 2
1679 A giant meteor? Really? 1.1982 0.04400 111 92 16 3
1680 That will never work, it doesn't even keep you warm. 1.1982 0.04400 111 92 16 3
1681 And the humans went “ka-Putin” 1.1981 0.04327 106 87 17 2
1682 I see you've whitened your teeth. 1.1981 0.04724 106 89 13 4
1683 And hiding under the bed it was…an herbivore! 1.1981 0.04530 106 88 15 3
1684 So that’s why there were no humans on the Ark? 1.1981 0.04724 106 89 13 4
1685 What kind of predator are you most afraid of? 1.1981 0.04530 106 88 15 3
1686 To think I used to only date fire breathers. 1.1981 0.04114 106 86 19 1
1687 Once upon a time there was an asteroid far, far away. 1.1980 0.04671 101 84 14 3
1688 Ha! You can't scare the sh* t out of me using the same trick I pulled on you. 1.1980 0.04671 101 84 14 3
1689 Not serious enough you'll need to tone it down to scare Capt. Kirk tomorrow. 1.1980 0.04454 101 83 16 2
1690 Not as scary as the 55-gallon drum with my name on it. 1.1979 0.04826 96 80 13 3
1691 And then the astroid crashed down and wiped everyone out. 1.1979 0.04593 96 79 15 2
1692 ...and the vicious killer introduced himself politely as Sir Gallahad. 1.1979 0.04593 96 79 15 2
1693 That's so fire. Drop that mic. 1.1979 0.04088 96 77 19 0
1694 It's skin was smooth and warm to the touch... 1.1979 0.04348 96 78 17 1
1695 That guy on the trail? He showed me this cool trick before I ate him. 1.1979 0.04826 96 80 13 3
1696 I too am missing my old flame. 1.1979 0.05048 96 81 11 4
1697 And the fossils belonged to … Uncle Ted. 1.1979 0.04593 96 79 15 2
1698 Does this flashlight make my face look scary? 1.1979 0.05048 96 81 11 4
1699 ...and the kid knew I was under the bed. 1.1979 0.05048 96 81 11 4
1700 Hang on, torches don’t get invented for another one hundred and fifty thousand years yet! 1.1978 0.05234 91 77 10 4
1701 And then these wicked sapiens invented something called a dungeon 1.1970 0.04360 132 112 14 6
1702 And they call it 'evolution.' 1.1969 0.04189 127 106 17 4
1703 Is this better . . . or just cunningly scary? 1.1967 0.04138 122 101 18 3
1704 Humans? They look like Theeees! 1.1967 0.03971 122 100 20 2
1705 Yes, exactly like that girl on tik tok! 1.1966 0.04581 117 99 13 5
1706 Use this. It won't freak them out as much. 1.1964 0.04718 112 95 12 5
1707 It was a dark and stormy epoch” 1.1964 0.04545 112 94 14 4
1708 We're all gonna die, and won't even get credit for fire. 1.1964 0.04545 112 94 14 4
1709 Put another log on the fire dollface, then fetch my slippers for these six frozen toes. 1.1964 0.04545 112 94 14 4
1710 That's cute, but I'd rather have marshmallows. 1.1963 0.04491 107 89 15 3
1711 First I'll warm up with some scales. 1.1963 0.04683 107 90 13 4
1712 You better floss - you have a dental appointment Monday morning 1.1963 0.04290 107 88 17 2
1713 Does it make me look prettier? 1.1963 0.04290 107 88 17 2
1714 It was on sale at tyrannosau "r" us 1.1963 0.04868 107 91 11 5
1715 Hee-hee. l'm a monster. 1.1961 0.04835 102 86 12 4
1716 We found the source of light! 1.1961 0.04835 102 86 12 4
1717 See in there? I want all those amalgam fillings out." 1.1961 0.04629 102 85 14 3
1718 It’s always a dinosaur. 1.1961 0.04415 102 84 16 2
1719 Peace was in the valley and all the people were happy! 1.1961 0.04629 102 85 14 3
1720 The end... is near. 1.1961 0.04415 102 84 16 2
1721 I love these snack bags, they always come with a cool toy surprise! 1.1961 0.05221 102 88 8 6
1722 …and their black, liquified remains were burned to make energy for an insatiable species called ‘humans.’ 1.1959 0.04780 97 81 13 3
1723 And out of nothing... a Meteor! 1.1959 0.05000 97 82 11 4
1724 Dental implants were once only for the wealthy. 1.1959 0.05000 97 82 11 4
1725 We are definitely staying up to watch shooting sta…. 1.1959 0.04550 97 80 15 2
1726 The fire, the moonlight, looking into your eyes….I lost myself. 1.1957 0.04698 92 76 14 2
1727 I like the 'milk through your nose' trick better. 1.1954 0.04861 87 72 13 2
1728 This is my good side. 1.1954 0.05128 87 73 11 3
1729 No scary story- I'm just here for the s'mores. 1.1954 0.04861 87 72 13 2
1730 It's only climate change, nothing to worry about 1.1954 0.05128 87 73 11 3
1731 Ok take it quick- I’m ready for my selfie! 1.1954 0.04861 87 72 13 2
1732 You think that's scary? Have you looked at your toenails lately?" 1.1954 0.04861 87 72 13 2
1733 I got a clear look when you started the fire. 1.1949 0.04214 118 98 17 3
1734 Yes, you’re scary. Now put the flashlight down. All I wanted was one night without the kid crap” 1.1947 0.04680 113 96 12 5
1735 And they were all out of tacos 1.1947 0.04329 113 94 16 3
1736 No more scary stories about evil knights. 1.1944 0.04643 108 91 13 4
1737 You're wasting the battery. 1.1944 0.04046 108 88 19 1
1738 but still, the meteor came closer & closer....... 1.1944 0.04254 108 89 17 2
1739 ...and then, we suddenly disappeared! 1.1944 0.04643 108 91 13 4
1740 Dad,stop it; you look like a scary human!!! 1.1944 0.04453 108 90 15 3
1741 There was no escape . . . from the children under the bed. 1.1942 0.04791 103 87 12 4
1742 Do you see anything in my teeth? 1.1942 0.04588 103 86 14 3
1743 Stop it. You'll scare the kids. 1.1942 0.04791 103 87 12 4
1744 Yes, there's a small chunk of Iguanodon next to the incisor. 1.1942 0.04153 103 84 18 1
1745 If only you could breathe fire ... that would really be scary! 1.1939 0.04735 98 82 13 3
1746 stop it... Big Foot isn't real 1.1939 0.04735 98 82 13 3
1747 When you tell that story about the asteroid, it frightens the living daylights out of me 1.1939 0.04735 98 82 13 3
1748 Oh, what big teeth you have, grandma! 1.1939 0.04953 98 83 11 4
1749 Nice. Did you get fluoride too? 1.1939 0.04735 98 82 13 3
1750 And after he left for LaBrea, we never heard from Uncle Rex again. 1.1939 0.04508 98 81 15 2
1751 And then Rex said, Let there be light! 1.1939 0.04735 98 82 13 3
1752 I said find a left handed flashlight. 1.1939 0.04268 98 80 17 1
1753 And they’re called… FIREMEN! 1.1939 0.04735 98 82 13 3
1754 Nothing in biology makes sense except in the flashlight of evolution. 1.1939 0.04735 98 82 13 3
1755 You should brush your teeth, Fred. 1.1939 0.04735 98 82 13 3
1756 Whazzzzup 1.1938 0.03825 129 106 21 2
1757 TRY to set the night on fire? 1.1935 0.04897 93 78 12 3
1758 You look just like my first wife without her makeup. 1.1935 0.05130 93 79 10 4
1759 Suddenly, the evil creature was in front of her, with sharp little teeth and a glowing hand weapon, saying "Honey, I can't get a signal!!!" 1.1935 0.04897 93 78 12 3
1760 It was a dark and gloomy night…. 1.1935 0.04897 93 78 12 3
1761 They say Beowulf still walks these woods. 1.1935 0.04652 93 77 14 2
1762 Hey! This is my Film Noir look. What do you think!? 1.1935 0.04897 93 78 12 3
1763 Then the child looked under the bed and screamed! 1.1935 0.04652 93 77 14 2
1764 My favorite is when they've just eaten s'mores! 1.1935 0.04394 93 76 16 1
1765 When the smoke had cleared, the forrest was filled with warm-blooded, furry mammals! 1.1935 0.04652 93 77 14 2
1766 ...and then suddenly, from behind a tree...SAINT GEORGE!!! 1.1935 0.04897 93 78 12 3
1767 ...and then they developed the opposable thumb! And that's when the trouble started. 1.1935 0.05130 93 79 10 4
1768 ...and then HUMANS roamed the earth. 1.1935 0.04897 93 78 12 3
1769 The Future Looks Bright 1.1933 0.04349 119 100 15 4
1770 In the trail mix he found not chocolate, but dried cranberries. 1.1933 0.04665 119 102 11 6
1771 And they made them work and pay taxes forever! 1.1932 0.04531 88 72 15 1
1772 My god, you do sound like Dina Shore! 1.1932 0.05566 88 76 7 5
1773 Then they dug up all that was left of Edwin, reconstructed his petrified bones in a life-like position and mounted him for public display in the Academy of Sciences! 1.1932 0.05075 88 74 11 3
1774 I lost an arm in the tussle but I got his flashlight! 1.1932 0.05075 88 74 11 3
1775 OOOOOOO, that's spooky! 1.1932 0.04810 88 73 13 2
1776 Is there some of him between my teeth? 1.1930 0.04294 114 95 16 3
1777 Then the human smiled with its crazy bleached-white teeth at the big friendly dragon. 1.1930 0.04642 114 97 12 5
1778 And then the knight named George stopped the good dragon from eating the maiden. 1.1930 0.04294 114 95 16 3
1779 …and their skin is metal and they carry swords 1.1930 0.04109 114 94 18 2
1780 … and this is the story of how i met your Karen 1.1930 0.04471 114 96 14 4
1781 Welcome to Jurassic Park! 1.1927 0.04785 109 93 11 5
1782 Even humans don’t find that scary anymore 1.1927 0.04959 109 94 9 6
1783 I'm not sure about your advice of "Let bygones be bygones". 1.1927 0.04219 109 90 17 2
1784 And then we looked up and saw a meteor in the sky... 1.1927 0.04219 109 90 17 2
1785 There’s no Triceratops in your teeth, but you’re freaking me out. Put that thing down! 1.1927 0.04416 109 91 15 3
1786 As night fell, the hideous creature ate a sensible meal, read its book, and turned in early. 1.1927 0.04416 109 91 15 3
1787 Where are you going to get batteries for that thing? 1.1927 0.04604 109 92 13 4
1788 so... you invented the fire and the flashlight at the same time? 1.1923 0.04749 104 88 12 4
1789 Do I have any campers in my teeth? 1.1923 0.04749 104 88 12 4
1790 That's not scary. Your breath is scary. 1.1923 0.04749 104 88 12 4
1791 Thank you for trusting me with this. 1.1923 0.04548 104 87 14 3
1792 Does this make me look like a human? 1.1923 0.04338 104 86 16 2
1793 And then the little boy helped the old lady cross the street, squeezing her hand. And then she said "thank you!" 1.1923 0.04338 104 86 16 2
1794 Niagara Falls!!! Slowly I turned … 1.1923 0.04548 104 87 14 3
1795 [No caption needed, it’s hilarious just on its own] 1.1923 0.04548 104 87 14 3
1796 And then 231 million years after the meteor…..the Neanderthal’s descendants dig up our bones for display in museums. Would you like an ice cream now..? 1.1923 0.05127 104 90 8 6
1797 And if you say asteroid three times… 1.1923 0.04338 104 86 16 2
1798 Hey, remember how that first kid we ate was doing this? 1.1923 0.04548 104 87 14 3
1799 It was a dark and asteroidy night ... 1.1923 0.04941 104 89 10 5
1800 Just think, but for the asteroid missing the planet, our species might never have evolved! 1.1923 0.04749 104 88 12 4
1801 ... and the devilish human condemned the poor dragon to spit fire when speaking ever after! 1.1920 0.03885 125 103 20 2
1802 See for yourself, whiteners work wonders. 1.1919 0.04691 99 83 13 3
1803 In 2 million years we’ll recharge these batteries 1.1919 0.04906 99 84 11 4
1804 You don’t look like my dad…. 1.1919 0.04906 99 84 11 4
1805 I think battery power will replace fossil fuels in 300 million years--what say you? 1.1919 0.04466 99 82 15 2
1806 Are you trying to seduce me? 1.1915 0.05079 94 80 10 4
1807 'And then a meteorite struck and vaporized everyone's latte.' 1.1915 0.04849 94 79 12 3
1808 Thanks for lighting my fire. 1.1915 0.04351 94 77 16 1
1809 Campfire stories aren't scary when you're the monster. 1.1915 0.04351 94 77 16 1
1810 Boo! I'm a homo sapien! 1.1915 0.04351 94 77 16 1
1811 Hey man, you gotta stop drinking. 1.1915 0.04607 94 78 14 2
1812 …and then she said Dracarys!” 😬 1.1915 0.04351 94 77 16 1
1813 Are you scared yet? 1.1913 0.04077 115 95 18 2
1814 It got very quiet. And then a giant ball of fire ...... 1.1913 0.04435 115 97 14 4
1815 Once upon a time, a very long time ago, there was a little man about five feet high, who brought us fire" 1.1910 0.05270 89 76 9 4
1816 And then he went like this. 1.1910 0.04761 89 74 13 2
1817 And then they increased their military budget… again! 1.1910 0.04761 89 74 13 2
1818 That's stupid, no one sleeps on TOP of the bed! 1.1910 0.04761 89 74 13 2
1819 Very amusing. Yeh, you have his flashlight but you didn't save me any Boy Scout! 1.1910 0.05270 89 76 9 4
1820 And they they grind up your bones to make jet fuel! 1.1910 0.04485 89 73 15 1
1821 I see dead species. 1.1910 0.04485 89 73 15 1
1822 For when you run out out of fossil fuel, bro! 1.1910 0.05022 89 75 11 3
1823 ...And we'll be extinct, brouhahaha 1.1910 0.05022 89 75 11 3
1824 Pity it’s gonna take another 66 million years before they invent the battery… 1.1910 0.04485 89 73 15 1
1825 And under the bed,there was an ant! 1.1909 0.04745 110 94 11 5
1826 And there was a big flash of light and, suddenly, there was nothing but little rodents running everywhere! 1.1909 0.04745 110 94 11 5
1827 You’re right-it does bring out your inner reptile. 1.1909 0.03980 110 90 19 1
1828 And that's how peanut butter was invented. 1.1909 0.04745 110 94 11 5
1829 And then it got very very cold… 1.1909 0.04379 110 92 15 3
1830 And then the Saudis promised to give Bush petroleum... 1.1909 0.04184 110 91 17 2
1831 And then I used the principles of quantum physics coupled with Maxwell's Laws to get... Viola! 1.1908 0.04350 131 112 13 6
1832 … and then a giant asteroid will hit the earth! 1.1908 0.04213 131 111 15 5
1833 No. You don't look like Barney. 1.1905 0.04631 84 69 14 1
1834 There will be a big comet 1.1905 0.04707 105 89 12 4
1835 You’re wasting the batteries. 1.1905 0.04508 105 88 14 3
1836 When humans invent that, I don't know if they'll use it for telling spooky stories. 1.1905 0.04508 105 88 14 3
1837 Terrifying, sure — but not very flattering. 1.1905 0.05482 84 72 8 4
1838 And then suddenly Godzilla is standing in front of me and says, you call yourself a dragon? 1.1905 0.04931 84 70 12 2
1839 And I said, no thanks, no Girl Scout cookies today. 1.1901 0.04118 121 101 17 3
1840 I love spending these intimate moments with you 1.1901 0.03948 121 100 19 2
1841 Yes, uplighting really accentuates your dimples. 1.1900 0.04861 100 85 11 4
1842 And then the evil knight approached the sweet, sleeping, dragon... 1.1900 0.04426 100 83 15 2
1843 Dad, tell me again how they'll dig up my bones and put them in a museum which people can only see after paying some exorbitant fee unless they plan their visit sometime between 6 and 9pm every other Wednesday, in which case it's free. 1.1900 0.04861 100 85 11 4
1844 And then there was a big bang! 1.1900 0.04648 100 84 13 3
1845 …on their eyes were dark glass shields, on their backs—bulging packs, one red, one green, the soles of their feet, raked with ridges of rubber… 1.1900 0.04648 100 84 13 3
1846 He was doing this before I ate him. What do you think? Am I scary? 1.1897 0.04226 116 97 16 3
1847 You thought the story about the asteroid was scary, this next one’s about the hominids. 1.1895 0.04563 95 79 14 2
1848 This little light of mine,I'm gonna let it shine 1.1895 0.05030 95 81 10 4
1849 Then Puff went poof! 1.1895 0.04310 95 78 16 1
1850 You never exfoliate? 1.1895 0.04563 95 79 14 2
1851 His name was George, Saint George, and he had this really long lance . . . 1.1895 0.04310 95 78 16 1
1852 . . then the Girl Scouts dug up his bones - just to get a merit badge! 1.1895 0.04802 95 80 12 3
1853 You want a spooky story? Once upon a time two legged animals called humans took over the earth, 8 billion of them, and they burned the forests, and wrecked the planet! Thank goodness it's only a story. 1.1892 0.04876 111 96 9 6
1854 So then, he picks up his flash light to make a scary face like this, but it was actually his Light Sabre. That was one tasty, dumb Jedi." 1.1892 0.04343 111 93 15 3
1855 Just wait, man will claim credit for this too. 1.1892 0.03948 111 91 19 1
1856 It’s a good idea but how do you dispose of the batteries? 1.1892 0.04705 111 95 11 5
1857 And then a man with a long, red tie emerged from the shadows! 1.1892 0.04527 111 94 13 4
1858 I really don’t want to hear another comet ghost story Phil. 1.1892 0.04527 111 94 13 4
1859 See where I burned my tongue lighting the fire? 1.1889 0.04440 90 74 15 1
1860 Sorry, but I heard that story eons ago 1.1889 0.04713 90 75 13 2
1861 OK, it's funny. But somehow I don't think that's worth the boy scout you just ate. 1.1889 0.04970 90 76 11 3
1862 No, you don’t get it. The up lighting is the most important part. 1.1889 0.04970 90 76 11 3
1863 And those s'mores-eating creatures return every summer. 1.1887 0.04469 106 89 14 3
1864 and then he sang 'Barney is dinosaur from our imagination!' 1.1887 0.04665 106 90 12 4
1865 The future is electric 1.1887 0.04665 106 90 12 4
1866 Please, not another killer-comet story! 1.1887 0.04854 106 91 10 5
1867 And then the meteor came and crashed into earth! 1.1887 0.04469 106 89 14 3
1868 ...and the clanking of the Knight's armour was coming from......inside the cave!!! 1.1887 0.04665 106 90 12 4
1869 What the Devil is that? 1.1887 0.04263 106 88 16 2
1870 And they tried to remake it… with MATTHEW BRODERICK! 1.1887 0.05036 106 92 8 6
1871 And then the knight fled in terror when he realized MY tokens are all fungible! 1.1885 0.04407 122 104 13 5
1872 This thing is defective. There's no fire! 1.1882 0.05157 85 72 10 3
1873 I dropped my phone in the fire. No more pics today. 1.1882 0.05422 85 73 8 4
1874 See, Hunter-gatherers stick to your gut, not to your teeth! 1.1882 0.04878 85 71 12 2
1875 I got this from the time machine 1.1882 0.04878 85 71 12 2
1876 Controversial Smithsothian Diorama Exhibit 1.1882 0.05157 85 72 10 3
1877 Look at me! No heat! 1.1881 0.04386 101 84 15 2
1878 Stop! You’ll make me laugh up a camper! 1.1881 0.04386 101 84 15 2
1879 Hey,look,my are not too short! 1.1881 0.04606 101 85 13 3
1880 You silly dragon! We already breathe fire! 1.1881 0.04606 101 85 13 3
1881 Can you come look at this? I’ve noticed a wart I’ve never seen before. 1.1881 0.04386 101 84 15 2
1882 How often do you get scaling done? 1.1880 0.04531 117 100 12 5
1883 Then came the meteor. And that’s what put the die in dinosaur. 1.1875 0.04756 96 81 12 3
1884 Let's skip the ghost stories and discuss how this planet will eventually be ghosting us out of evolution. 1.1875 0.04270 96 79 16 1
1885 I’m really turned on right now. 1.1875 0.04756 96 81 12 3
1886 Whoa! You look like a kid. 1.1875 0.04519 96 80 14 2
1887 I really don't need to see the remnants of that poor camper in your teeth. 1.1875 0.04307 112 94 15 3
1888 ...and then you're in a movie with Jeff Goldblum... 1.1875 0.03961 128 107 18 3
1889 Well, it’s better than putting your chin in the fire.? 1.1875 0.04756 96 81 12 3
1890 OK I flossed. Do you see any bone fragments or human hair ? 1.1875 0.04519 96 80 14 2
1891 And after the big ball of fire hits we all become birds and little furry critters take over! Boo! 1.1875 0.04999 112 98 7 7
1892 It's got what we need, collagen. 1.1875 0.04307 112 94 15 3
1893 And then they called Godzilla a vegan! 1.1875 0.04756 96 81 12 3
1894 Once upon a time in a land called Honah Lee... 1.1875 0.04307 112 94 15 3
1895 One of the critters was doing this when they caught my attention. 1.1869 0.04430 107 90 14 3
1896 If you think that’s scary, watch me fart over the flames. 1.1869 0.04812 107 92 10 5
1897 Geez Zorn, you look scary enough without doing that! 1.1869 0.04430 107 90 14 3
1898 You’ve never looked so beautiful in your life. 1.1869 0.04625 107 91 12 4
1899 Smile, you're gonna be extinct. 1.1869 0.04013 107 88 18 1
1900 I'm just trying to figure out here what actually is "hellbent destruction" these days. 1.1869 0.04227 107 89 16 2
1901 Do I still have any of that camper in my teeth? 1.1868 0.04396 91 75 15 1
1902 And the meteor looked like THIS! 1.1868 0.04396 91 75 15 1
1903 You're always so dragon-centric. 1.1868 0.04108 91 74 17 0
1904 This is a lot more fun than fire and it doesn't burn! 1.1868 0.04396 91 75 15 1
1905 In a million years we'll be the star of our own movie. 1.1868 0.04665 91 76 13 2
1906 It was...warm-blooded. 1.1868 0.04665 91 76 13 2
1907 Then he said, "The asteroid is coming from INSIDE your solar system." 1.1868 0.04665 91 76 13 2
1908 Stop it, Gragnor, you're scaring me! You look like a human! 1.1864 0.03983 118 98 18 2
1909 ...and out of the shadows came KING KONG 1.1863 0.04772 102 87 11 4
1910 And he was doing this right before I ate them. Do I seem scary? 1.1863 0.04346 102 85 15 2
1911 Do I have human stuck in my teeth? 1.1863 0.04971 102 88 9 5
1912 You look extinct! 1.1863 0.04971 102 88 9 5
1913 Let's elope. I no longer have cold feet. 1.1863 0.04564 102 86 13 3
1914 I found out what's inside little kids. 1.1860 0.05363 86 74 8 4
1915 Put that down, it probably has germs. 1.1860 0.05363 86 74 8 4
1916 Can you check - I think I have a Girl Scout badge stuck in my teeth? 1.1860 0.05612 86 75 6 5
1917 He was a human all along! 1.1860 0.05363 86 74 8 4
1918 .......Clark Gable......or King Kong? 1.1860 0.05363 86 74 8 4
1919 Do I resemble my profile pic now? 1.1860 0.05612 86 75 6 5
1920 With fire, why do we need a flashlight. 1.1858 0.04272 113 95 15 3
1921 Do you love my new scales? I feel really hot! 1.1858 0.04272 113 95 15 3
1922 It's always about you and your dentist! 1.1858 0.04627 113 97 11 5
1923 It was a dark and stormy night, without a single meteor in sight, when suddenly, blazing across the sky .... 1.1856 0.04476 97 81 14 2
1924 We wouldn’t be extinct if we invented this! 1.1856 0.04710 97 82 12 3
1925 Do I have any sleeping bag in my teeth? 1.1856 0.04933 97 83 10 4
1926 And it was a city made of Legos! 1.1856 0.04230 97 80 16 1
1927 Almost as scary as the fire. 1.1856 0.04476 97 81 14 2
1928 Don't worry though, the meteorite strikes in the western hemisphere, so it won't affect us here. 1.1856 0.04476 97 81 14 2
1929 I guess princes these days aren’t what they used to be. 1.1856 0.04710 97 82 12 3
1930 Prehistoric selfie 1.1856 0.04710 97 82 12 3
1931 Yes! we invented flashlight 1.1856 0.04476 97 81 14 2
1932 It was a dark and stormy night a one armed man had just escaped from prison! 1.1856 0.04933 97 83 10 4
1933 . . . and they lived happily ever after . . . 1.1855 0.04489 124 107 11 6
1934 And then they made a film even worse than the first three… 1.1852 0.04585 108 92 12 4
1935 A toast to our toastie tootsies. 1.1852 0.04393 108 91 14 3
1936 But the call was coming from on top of the bed! 1.1852 0.04191 108 90 16 2
1937 Look Bob.......I'm Puff the Magic Dragon! 1.1852 0.04585 108 92 12 4
1938 you're right. you're not as scary with the light on! 1.1852 0.04393 108 91 14 3
1939 Try this with your stupid fire!! 1.1852 0.04948 108 94 8 6
1940 What are marshmallows ? 1.1848 0.05110 92 79 9 4
1941 I found a smile..and it's just FOR YOU!! 1.1848 0.04870 92 78 11 3
1942 The dragon carried the princess to his lair, but she left him for a hedge fund guy. 1.1848 0.04870 92 78 11 3
1943 And then he says "Hi, I'm David and I'll be your server." 1.1848 0.04870 92 78 11 3
1944 .... and then there was an asteroid! 1.1848 0.04870 92 78 11 3
1945 Is Fred flintstone stuck in my teeth? 1.1848 0.04352 92 76 15 1
1946 That comet story was really scary Rex. 1.1848 0.04619 92 77 13 2
1947 In the Year Two Thousand 1.1845 0.04308 103 86 15 2
1948 Then suddenly, Japan started quantitative easing, plummeting gold futures worldwide ... 1.1845 0.04308 103 86 15 2
1949 Felix, maybe if the peasants see me smiling they'll like me better. What do you think?" 1.1845 0.04308 103 86 15 2
1950 Honey, you are such a dork... 1.1845 0.04523 103 87 13 3
1951 Frankly, I am getting tired of you forgetting the marshmallows and thinking that scaring me will make me forget your failure. 1.1845 0.04729 103 88 11 4
1952 Don't! I'll have nightmares! 1.1845 0.04081 103 85 17 1
1953 But Bilbo isn't real, right? 1.1845 0.04729 103 88 11 4
1954 Stop scaring me! 1.1842 0.04417 114 97 13 4
1955 And they will make jokes asking why we crossed the road! 1.1842 0.04050 114 95 17 2
1956 And he was never seen again. Well, I saw him. I ate him. 1.1842 0.04238 114 96 15 3
1957 It gives me a good idea of how you'll look in 60 million years. 1.1840 0.04156 125 106 15 4
1958 Now that we've lost our dungeons, we have to scare each other! 1.1839 0.04486 87 72 14 1
1959 Get a load of these pearly whites! I'm telling you, every firebreather should use my new toothpaste. 1.1839 0.05305 87 75 8 4
1960 And the mosquito will be preserved in amber! 1.1839 0.04486 87 72 14 1
1961 He was holding the flashlight just like this telling stories to his buddies when I got ‘em! 1.1839 0.05305 87 75 8 4
1962 So long as the batteries are good, the raptors will stay away. 1.1839 0.05047 87 74 10 3
1963 When the anthropologist took out his camera, I gave him a snort of fire and you should have seen him run. He dropped his flashlight. 1.1839 0.04775 87 73 12 2
1964 Ewww..David! You almost look human. Gross! 1.1839 0.04775 87 73 12 2
1965 You're scaring me, you look like a human! 1.1837 0.04191 98 81 16 1
1966 You were already scary 1.1837 0.04191 98 81 16 1
1967 And then the ghost appeared. It did not have any scales but was covered in FUR. 1.1837 0.04435 98 82 14 2
1968 And the Teacher says, "I'm giving the final exam today, NOT next week." 1.1837 0.04435 98 82 14 2
1969 It was a dark and stormy night. . . . 1.1837 0.05299 98 86 6 6
1970 It was the night before the great meteor.... 1.1837 0.04435 98 82 14 2
1971 And that's the way it was, June 14th, 67 million years ago. 1.1837 0.04191 98 81 16 1
1972 Be careful, this story is petrifying! 1.1837 0.04886 98 84 10 4
1973 They're called mammals and have hair all over their bodies.... 1.1837 0.03932 98 80 18 0
1974 That’s not what I meant when I told you to torch it… 1.1837 0.04666 98 83 12 3
1975 Goodnight moon. Goodnight trees. Goodnight asteroid. 1.1835 0.04355 109 92 14 3
1976 And her name was Karen... 1.1835 0.04729 109 94 10 5
1977 Darn, still there, I even flossed. 1.1835 0.03946 109 90 18 1
1978 ...and the next morning....just as the wizard had predicted....the dragon had no fire in his mouth!...and it never came back. 1.1829 0.05243 82 70 9 3
1979 Oh Harry, you are handsome in any light. 1.1829 0.04633 82 68 13 1
1980 Do I look scary? 1.1829 0.05243 82 70 9 3
1981 Remember the old days before we had fire... 1.1828 0.04573 93 78 13 2
1982 That's one heck of a cavity you have there, Hal. 1.1828 0.04822 93 79 11 3
1983 Once upon a time, there was a glacier. 1.1828 0.04573 93 78 13 2
1984 Ooooo,good one. Now say “here’s Johnny! 1.1828 0.04822 93 79 11 3
1985 You see I told you it was good for something! 1.1828 0.05058 93 80 9 4
1986 C'mon Earl, not the damn asteroid story again 1.1828 0.04573 93 78 13 2
1987 But can you cook with it!?! 1.1828 0.04573 93 78 13 2
1988 And then some guy who calls himself George Santos got elected to Congress, 1.1828 0.05058 93 80 9 4
1989 Cute, but it doesn't change the fact that we're cold-blooded. 1.1828 0.04573 93 78 13 2
1990 Oh gee, thank god it missed 1.1828 0.04310 93 77 15 1
1991 OK, OK, you look like a meteorite. Why should that scare me? 1.1828 0.05058 93 80 9 4
1992 Nighty night. Don't let the asteroids bite. 1.1827 0.04270 104 87 15 2
1993 OMG, time for your dental cleaning. 1.1827 0.04483 104 88 13 3
1994 I still remember the time when I could fire-up and fume without criticism from anyone! 1.1827 0.04687 104 89 11 4
1995 And then it takes the AG so long to indict, HE RUNS AGAIN. 1.1827 0.04882 104 90 9 5
1996 And that’s the story of humans. 1.1826 0.04204 115 97 15 3
1997 His first name was King. And his last name was KONG! 1.1826 0.04204 115 97 15 3
1998 Nope, still not scary. 1.1825 0.03634 126 104 21 1
1999 And then, the asteroid came… 1.1818 0.03896 99 81 18 0
2000 And then he said, "I represent New York for the next two years, and you can't stop me!" 1.1818 0.04152 99 82 16 1
2001 When you said "Old time date night" - somehow I had something else in mind. 1.1818 0.04840 99 85 10 4
2002 It's not really making you any scarier looking. 1.1818 0.04994 88 75 10 3
2003 I know this because… I was that maniac! 1.1818 0.04622 99 84 12 3
2004 But your grandfather didn’t kill the big hairy ape so it’s still out there somewhere! 1.1818 0.05249 88 76 8 4
2005 See? You don't eat these! 1.1818 0.04121 110 92 16 2
2006 This is how our ancestors did it. 1.1818 0.04840 99 85 10 4
2007 Okay Mildred enough with the ghost stories… Let’s just sit back and watch the shooting stars, oh that’s a really really big one“ 1.1818 0.05048 99 86 8 5
2008 But they ignored the warnings and in less than 100 years they became extinct! 1.1818 0.05048 99 86 8 5
2009 Any bits of human stuck in my teeth? 1.1818 0.04121 110 92 16 2
2010 Do you think I should whiten my teeth? 1.1818 0.04725 88 74 12 2
2011 And then he said, ‘Do you want some catsup with that?’ 1.1818 0.04622 99 84 12 3
2012 Read my lips. I did not have sex with your sister. She just dropped off a cigar. 1.1818 0.04066 121 102 16 3
2013 And then, out of nowhere...an asteroid slammed into earth. 1.1818 0.03914 110 91 18 1
2014 Do I have s'mores stuck in my teeth? 1.1818 0.04440 88 73 14 1
2015 And just then, a giant moth saw the flashlight lighting up the forest . . ." 1.1818 0.04393 99 83 14 2
2016 And what should appear up in the sky but... an asteroid!!! ...Just kidding, asteroids aren't real." Andy Chen Mathieson, Los Angeles, Cali 1.1818 0.04994 88 75 10 3
2017 and then, out came a hideous scaly monster! 1.1818 0.03914 110 91 18 1
2018 You can't even tell I'm wearing braces, can you? 1.1818 0.04994 88 75 10 3
2019 Here's Johnny! 1.1818 0.04725 88 74 12 2
2020 What did the fox say??? 1.1818 0.04066 121 102 16 3
2021 one day our bones will fuel the world 1.1818 0.04622 99 84 12 3
2022 It is I, the Tooth Fairy, and I will be paid. 1.1818 0.04440 88 73 14 1
2023 So lemme tell you about this new filling I have, see it? You'll never believe it, but I had to blah, blah, blah.... 1.1818 0.04135 88 72 16 0
2024 Wow, that story is even more scary than the one about an asteroid hurtling towards earth 1.1818 0.04121 110 92 16 2
2025 Which is scarier, under my chin or above my head? 1.1818 0.04622 99 84 12 3
2026 Oooh, you look like your about to eat Cleveland! 1.1810 0.04645 105 90 11 4
2027 Meteor apocalypse tales before bed. 1.1810 0.04444 105 89 13 3
2028 Stop it Bronte. Smiles really freak me out. 1.1810 0.04645 105 90 11 4
2029 And they use the bones of little children like you to fuel their machines! 1.1810 0.04645 105 90 11 4
2030 - Which dinosaur likes rap music? - IDK, bro. - The velociRAPtor HAHAHAHA 1.1810 0.04838 105 91 9 5
2031 With all these balloons overhead nobody is scared of us anymore. 1.1810 0.04645 105 90 11 4
2032 Just then, a giant rock fell from the sky! 1.1810 0.04444 105 89 13 3
2033 and then, puff, he ended up in Honlea. 1.1810 0.04838 105 91 9 5
2034 No, the little boy isn't stuck between your teeth. 1.1809 0.04268 94 78 15 1
2035 Look! No Cavities. 1.1809 0.05008 94 81 9 4
2036 Our problem is that marshmallows won't be invented for another two million years. 1.1809 0.04528 94 79 13 2
2037 I want you to see me in my best light. 1.1809 0.04774 94 80 11 3
2038 And then, in the woods that night they heard the clink of chain mail. It was St George and he was coming for THEM!!" 1.1809 0.05008 94 81 9 4
2039 Want to hear a scary story? 1.1809 0.04774 94 80 11 3
2040 Check out this new fire stick! Not as scary, but way easier on the mouth! 1.1809 0.04774 94 80 11 3
2041 Anyone else you carry a torch for? 1.1809 0.04774 94 80 11 3
2042 So I said to the guy , hey, want a light " 1.1809 0.04528 94 79 13 2
2043 Can you see a zit on my chin? 1.1809 0.05231 94 82 7 5
2044 Then suddenly, the clown's face appeared at the entrance of our cave. 1.1809 0.04268 94 78 15 1
2045 Don't know why they do this, but they are easier to find! 1.1809 0.04268 94 78 15 1
2046 And there was a bright light as the asteroid hit the earth 1.1807 0.04582 83 69 13 1
2047 Oh my gosh! You look just like one of the humans in the story when you do that! 1.1802 0.04283 111 94 14 3
2048 ...and someday, we'll all be gone, but we'll live on in an HBO spinoff series. 1.1802 0.04650 111 96 10 5
2049 Try to look more caring. 1.1802 0.04650 111 96 10 5
2050 And then St. George said… 1.1802 0.03665 111 91 20 0
2051 It’s daylight on a stick." Edith Birdsall, Houston, T 1.1800 0.04353 100 84 14 2
2052 And then, the small child leapt into the dragon's den with a nerf-gun! 1.1800 0.04579 100 85 12 3
2053 Yeah, that’s scary. Gotta trim those nose hairs. 1.1800 0.04579 100 85 12 3
2054 Hey Buddy, it’s about time to listen to your new generation’s amazing ideas. 1.1800 0.04795 100 86 10 4
2055 And then they burn your bones and use them to destroy the earth. 1.1800 0.04115 100 83 16 1
2056 And all they could find was our BONES! 1.1800 0.04579 100 85 12 3
2057 My teeth are my best asset. 1.1798 0.04941 89 76 10 3
2058 Then the hominids will come with their climate change and extinguish us. 1.1798 0.05193 89 77 8 4
2059 Eghads, he looked 20 years younger on Tinder. 1.1798 0.04941 89 76 10 3
2060 And then the human jumped out and yelled surprise 1.1792 0.03743 106 87 19 0
2061 And then, his dead bones were strung up in the atrium of a museum! 1.1792 0.04795 106 92 9 5
2062 And now for some scary people stories... 1.1792 0.04196 106 89 15 2
2063 worth a thousand words 1.1792 0.04604 106 91 11 4
2064 And there, falling from the sky, was an asteroid! Ahhhh! Ha ha ha. Just kidding. 1.1792 0.03743 106 87 19 0
2065 And then the sprinklers went off! 1.1789 0.04484 95 80 13 2
2066 You're such a Diva -- Always hogging the limelight! 1.1789 0.04484 95 80 13 2
2067 … When mountains crumble to the sea There will still be you and me. 1.1789 0.04227 95 79 15 1
2068 Thinking about reclaiming nature from humans 1.1789 0.04227 95 79 15 1
2069 'Not 'That's amore' again, Dino' 1.1789 0.04959 95 82 9 4
2070 The counselor used this light on his face and yelled "Surprise!" to the campers,... right before I ate him. 1.1786 0.04204 84 69 15 0
2071 Then the poor little dinosaurs saw a hideous ball of fire in the sky ... it was getting bigger ... 1.1786 0.04054 112 94 16 2
2072 No, not scary enough. I wish there was a two legged soft skinned and delicious species we could terrorize. Maybe someday.... 1.1786 0.04532 84 70 13 1
2073 Stop that! It's terrifying! You look just like an 8-year-old human! 1.1786 0.04532 84 70 13 1
2074 Our appearance is too complex for the wall of a cave. 1.1786 0.05126 84 72 9 3
2075 And then they screamed something about a big rock falling from the sky, but I'm sure it is nothing to worry about. 1.1786 0.04838 84 71 11 2
2076 Yea Uncle Morty, that's really scary, but where are the 'smores you promised? 1.1786 0.04838 84 71 11 2
2077 This 'good.' Fossil fuels 'bad!' Understand? 1.1786 0.05399 84 73 7 4
2078 And then...they all evolved into — birds." 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
2079 Oh no, not the asteroid story! 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
2080 And then a huge asteroid crashed into the planet… 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
2081 And then a great fireball from the sky crashed into the earth and wiped us all out...Bwaaahaaahaaa! 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
2082 Let's do some karaoke while we're at it. Just for fun. 1.1782 0.04077 101 84 16 1
2083 Maybe scarier from the point of view of the guy you ate? 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
2084 Then out of nowhere a giant asteroid hit the earth. 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
2085 Come on man, stop scaring me! 1.1782 0.04077 101 84 16 1
2086 Stick with making fire. 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
2087 And then he said "'boo' who?" 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
2088 Hank, don’t! You know I have a thing about monsters in the night… 1.1778 0.05139 90 78 8 4
2089 I call this Godzilla lighting. 1.1778 0.04890 90 77 10 3
2090 And then they found the hook attached to the door handle. 1.1778 0.04350 90 75 14 1
2091 You can talk when I pass you the flashlight. 1.1778 0.04628 90 76 12 2
2092 The flashlight face is really scary, but drop that far-fetched meteor story." 1.1778 0.04890 90 77 10 3
2093 Hey, slow down, Rex! Don't worry, you'll be remembered 1.1778 0.04628 90 76 12 2
2094 I feel pretty, Oh, so pretty, I feel pretty and witty and bright! And I pity Any girl who isn’t me tonight. 1.1776 0.04753 107 93 9 5
2095 "I still think your breath is scarier..." 1.1776 0.04367 107 91 13 3
2096 And they lived happily ever after in endless Jurassic Park sequels. 1.1776 0.04367 107 91 13 3
2097 And then an asteroid came and killed them all! 1.1776 0.04160 107 90 15 2
2098 We escaped and destroyed everything the humans created. Except this flashlight. 1.1774 0.03975 124 105 16 3
2099 It was a dark and stormy night; 'round the campfire humans sat... 1.1772 0.05018 79 67 10 2
2100 Stop it. I'm already scared because I'm sure I heard humans out there. 1.1771 0.04682 96 82 11 3
2101 You look like a monster! 1.1771 0.04910 96 83 9 4
2102 I "light up your life"! 1.1771 0.04187 96 80 15 1
2103 Hammacher Schlemmer. 1.1771 0.04682 96 82 11 3
2104 And then, the knight rode up on his steed wearing asbestos armor carrying a fire extinguisher. 1.1771 0.04682 96 82 11 3
2105 And The Rock jumped out of nowhere! 1.1771 0.04187 96 80 15 1
2106 I got that part in "The Last of Us". 1.1771 0.04682 96 82 11 3
2107 While Impressive,D cells don’t last as long. 1.1765 0.03793 102 84 18 0
2108 And then they'll dig up our skeletons and put them on display for groups of schoolchildren to gawk at! 1.1765 0.04484 85 71 13 1
2109 Light make me look SCARY? 1.1765 0.03707 119 99 19 1
2110 Look at this thing I found after they ran away 1.1765 0.04275 102 86 14 2
2111 Will that supersede my patent for fire? 1.1765 0.03894 119 100 17 2
2112 No, you don’t look like a monster. 1.1765 0.04275 102 86 14 2
2113 Some say it will be a large falling rock from space that will kill us all, others say the eruption of a giant volcano, but my guess is some kind of virus brought back by the time traveler that give me this flashlight. 1.1765 0.04707 102 88 10 4
2114 Thanks to the torchlight! Now, nothing seems scary. 1.1765 0.05070 85 73 9 3
2115 And the five little bunnies lived happily every after! 1.1765 0.04786 85 72 11 2
2116 I look funny now, don’t I?! 1.1765 0.04786 85 72 11 2
2117 And then, on the car-door handle, they found a claw! 1.1765 0.04496 102 87 12 3
2118 Suddenly there came a tapping… 1.1765 0.04409 119 103 11 5
2119 Then they came after the Wooly Mammoth, but since I wasn't a Wooly Mammoth__. 1.1765 0.05070 85 73 9 3
2120 Then one night a meteor 1.1765 0.04496 102 87 12 3
2121 Any requests? 1.1765 0.04496 102 87 12 3
2122 I have no idea what it is, but I think it makes me look scarier from this angle. 1.1760 0.04106 125 107 14 4
2123 …and then on the way to her grandmothers house, the light revealed a hungry meat-eating human! 1.1759 0.04712 108 94 9 5
2124 You always say your inventions are going to change the world. 1.1759 0.04329 108 92 13 3
2125 This is the story of a shooting star that kept getting bigger and bigger… 1.1759 0.04329 108 92 13 3
2126 Don’t worry. We’ll survive on our extincts. 1.1759 0.04124 108 91 15 2
2127 Maybe it's me, but all I see is your head between two mountains...so, not scary. 1.1758 0.04581 91 77 12 2
2128 Blanche Neige avait vraiment grillé ses 7 nains ? 1.1758 0.05086 91 79 8 4
2129 We don't need no stinking moon. 1.1758 0.04581 91 77 12 2
2130 And then they saw a great ball of fire racing across the sky! 1.1758 0.05086 91 79 8 4
2131 It was a dark and stormy night, as the meteor hurtled through the sky.... 1.1758 0.04840 91 78 10 3
2132 And all that will be left of us is a pile of bones. The end. 1.1758 0.04581 91 77 12 2
2133 Who says man invented fire or the flashlight? 1.1758 0.04013 91 75 16 0
2134 See, I told you I could get scarier looking. 1.1758 0.04840 91 78 10 3
2135 Ooh, creepy— imitating a human! 1.1758 0.04581 91 77 12 2
2136 It’s me, Beowulf! 1.1758 0.04840 91 78 10 3
2137 Was that before DLM? 1.1758 0.04840 91 78 10 3
2138 And then I went over to them and made this scary face and they just laughed” 1.1754 0.04360 114 98 12 4
2139 The dinosaurs heard a loud whoosh … and then an asteroid appeared! 1.1753 0.04399 97 82 13 2
2140 .. and unbeknownst to Smaug, Heracles slipped quietly into the lair! 1.1753 0.03880 97 80 17 0
2141 And they ran and ran but the meteor kept coming!! 1.1753 0.04399 97 82 13 2
2142 After they ate the cows, the earth froze. 1.1753 0.04863 97 84 9 4
2143 And then they realized…the monster was me! 1.1753 0.04148 97 81 15 1
2144 You have no metaphysical presense and have been reduced from historical iconography of wrath and gluttony into a camp characiture just to give some centrist liberal on the Upper West Side a quick snort! 1.1750 0.04960 80 68 10 2
2145 Getting your teeth capped DOES make you look 3 centuries younger! 1.1750 0.04275 80 66 14 0
2146 Trust me. This survival training is important! 1.1750 0.04630 80 67 12 1
2147 Sure, it’s plenty bright, but it’s not nearly as warm. 1.1750 0.04960 80 68 10 2
2148 Cheer up, Ty. They say some big-time heat is coming...from heaven, no less. 1.1750 0.05562 80 70 6 4
2149 Oh, scare-eee, Uncle Marduk. Now can we make smores?" 1.1748 0.04236 103 87 14 2
2150 And just as suddenly as he tiptoed around the dark corner, the triceratops was confronted with the most frightening creature of all: a HUMAN. 1.1748 0.04455 103 88 12 3
2151 ....and then the used car salesman yanked off his mask to reveal that most reviled, cold-hearted, bloodthirsty of creatures, the dreaded Hollywood entertainment lawyer. 1.1748 0.04455 103 88 12 3
2152 Boo! I'm Marjorie Taylor Greene! 1.1748 0.04455 103 88 12 3
2153 And the gold turned out to be chocolate coins. 1.1744 0.04734 86 73 11 2
2154 Thant’s not funny George!!! 1.1744 0.04436 86 72 13 1
2155 And then a big asteroid wiped out the entire population 1.1744 0.04116 86 71 15 0
2156 I prefer the warmth of a flame 1.1744 0.04734 86 73 11 2
2157 Before Dinosaurs Had Television 1.1744 0.05534 86 76 5 5
2158 We aren’t scary doing this. But the humans certainly are. 1.1744 0.04436 86 72 13 1
2159 Using the dwindling power from our flashlight when we have a perfectly good campfire here, I must be... A MONSTERRR!!! 1.1744 0.05281 86 75 7 4
2160 And then, a wild human emerged from the darkness! 1.1743 0.04486 109 94 11 4
2161 I don't know if I like it or not! 1.1743 0.04292 109 93 13 3
2162 And then a huge fireball flew through the sky... 1.1743 0.04292 109 93 13 3
2163 Careful you don't attract Mothra again. Those two little girls ate all our marshmallows. 1.1743 0.04292 109 93 13 3
2164 Jurassic Park VII: Carry on Campersaurus 1.1743 0.04090 109 92 15 2
2165 That's not scary at all. 1.1739 0.04535 92 78 12 2
2166 And then they realized that the real Dragon slayer was me 1.1739 0.04791 92 79 10 3
2167 Stop ghosting me! 1.1739 0.04791 92 79 10 3
2168 He climbed up the Empire State Building-- and the CGI was bad 1.1739 0.04535 92 78 12 2
2169 Now you see me,now you don 1.1739 0.04535 92 78 12 2
2170 Hey Brad, you have a wart I never noticed before! 1.1739 0.04535 92 78 12 2
2171 Imitating the cruel humans 1.1739 0.04263 92 77 14 1
2172 ...and then the evil metal-clad man slayed the young dragon with his sword and rode away with the woman from the tower, and lived a miserable life in a capitalist world... 1.1739 0.04791 92 79 10 3
2173 that pink bunny we had for dinner said it would last forever 1.1739 0.04535 92 78 12 2
2174 Let’s Scare E-long! Or Best ! Let’s get That Congress Thing! Humans talk about! 1.1739 0.05034 92 80 8 4
2175 I got this from the ancient incinerated city ... pretty scary - eh? 1.1739 0.04791 92 79 10 3
2176 Does my head look big in this? 1.1739 0.04263 92 77 14 1
2177 One gray night it happened, Jackie Paper came no more. 1.1735 0.04358 98 83 13 2
2178 And it wasn't a big fiery ball that destroyed humanity, it was a little box everyone carried in their pockets." 1.1735 0.05030 98 86 7 5
2179 And then the giant meteor hit! 1.1735 0.04109 98 82 15 1
2180 Boo! Now I'm Paul Gosar! 1.1735 0.04593 98 84 11 3
2181 And . . . after I ate the backpacker, I picked up this cool flashlight! 1.1735 0.04358 98 83 13 2
2182 Maybe it will scare the campers, but I honestly just don't feel it. 1.1735 0.05030 98 86 7 5
2183 ....and the pink, hairless monkeys made cowboy boots from our skin and wore our teeth around their necks. 1.1735 0.04816 98 85 9 4
2184 And then one night a giant meteor appeared in the sky... 1.1735 0.04358 98 83 13 2
2185 ..And then something looking like me appeared through the trees. 1.1735 0.04109 98 82 15 1
2186 Your teeth look fine, just put away the flashlight already! 1.1735 0.04109 98 82 15 1
2187 …Some say that the campfire horror story is a tradition that goes back as far as the early Mesozoic Era. 1.1735 0.04109 98 82 15 1
2188 And then they rebuilt with steel. 1.1731 0.03728 104 86 18 0
2189 Hey, I think you've got some leftover pete in your teeth. I'm assuming things didn't end well? 1.1731 0.04622 104 90 10 4
2190 And then, after three days in the cave, HE CAME BACK!” 1.1731 0.03970 104 87 16 1
2191 And then the planet... 1.1731 0.04622 104 90 10 4
2192 Guess it really is light or flight 1.1728 0.04227 81 67 14 0
2193 ...and then there's the one about the knight with the golden arm... 1.1728 0.04903 81 69 10 2
2194 And then we became extinct. The end. 1.1728 0.04903 81 69 10 2
2195 Take this if you're afraid of of the big bad wolf. 1.1728 0.04903 81 69 10 2
2196 Then the dragon said, "Prince Charming, your demise looms. You have brought a sword to a fire fight!" 1.1728 0.04903 81 69 10 2
2197 Oooooh scary! Now where are the marshmallows? 1.1728 0.05209 81 70 8 3
2198 Scary,right?! 1.1724 0.04961 87 75 9 3
2199 …and they lived happily ever after! 1.1724 0.04389 87 73 13 1
2200 No, not the asteroid story! It’s too scary! 1.1724 0.04684 87 74 11 2
2201 Does this flashlight make me look scary? 1.1724 0.04961 87 75 9 3
2202 Stop it! You look like a Camp Counselor. 1.1724 0.04684 87 74 11 2
2203 Not your normal museum teeth. 1.1724 0.04073 87 72 15 0
2204 I keep a flashlight on all night. If I don't, that scary little kid who lives under my nest will try to eat me. 1.1724 0.04961 87 75 9 3
2205 After millions of years of evolution, we finally have opposable thumbs...and this is what you do with them? 1.1724 0.04389 87 73 13 1
2206 I resent being called a luditte. 1.1724 0.04389 87 73 13 1
2207 Stop! That part isn't edible! 1.1724 0.04389 87 73 13 1
2208 ...and the asteroid appeared to get bigger, and bigger, and bigger! 1.1724 0.04112 116 99 14 3
2209 Not quite. If you really want to scare them, stop flossing your teeth. 1.1724 0.04684 87 74 11 2
2210 The scariest part of the story is no matter how much I shaved, they still called me the bearded dragon. 1.1720 0.05213 93 82 6 5
2211 ... and then they all vanished! 1.1720 0.04490 93 79 12 2
2212 ... and King Kong reigns over New York City to this very day. 1.1720 0.04490 93 79 12 2
2213 A meteor?! Fred, have you been listening to those podcasts again? 1.1720 0.04983 93 81 8 4
2214 Does this make me look human? 1.1720 0.04490 93 79 12 2
2215 ...And then the rodents and the other furry mammals conspired to take over the whole world. 1.1720 0.04221 93 78 14 1
2216 Before you go any further, I need to go to the bathroom. 1.1720 0.04743 93 80 10 3
2217 Call me old fashioned. I prefer a slow burning fire to a slick torch you got from homo sapient 1.1720 0.05432 93 83 4 6
2218 “ I bet you thought I was the boogey man “ 1.1720 0.04743 93 80 10 3
2219 The downside is that you can’t roast marshmallows on it. 1.1717 0.04549 99 85 11 3
2220 And out stepped a human from the minivan! 1.1717 0.04549 99 85 11 3
2221 So you can make a scary face! Big deal. Where're you gonna get batteries for that thing? Costco? 1.1717 0.04771 99 86 9 4
2222 Seriously ... Pete Davidson, right? 1.1717 0.04982 99 87 7 5
2223 Let me tell you a little story about St. George. 1.1714 0.04162 105 89 14 2
2224 Baby baby light my fire 1.1714 0.03696 105 87 18 0
2225 They ate so many of them, the campers came back...up!! 1.1714 0.04581 105 91 10 4
2226 Ooh look out, I'm a scary asteroid! 1.1714 0.04162 105 89 14 2
2227 They left this! Do I look scary? Why do they always run away? 1.1711 0.04734 76 64 11 1
2228 Legend has it that millions of years from now, tiny people will excavate our bones and reassemble our skeletons. 1.1707 0.04848 82 70 10 2
2229 I'm smiling because my feet are warm and I look really scary. 1.1707 0.04181 82 68 14 0
2230 Beam me up Scottie. Get it? Beam? Oh never mind. 1.1707 0.04527 82 69 12 1
2231 ...and then, the police told her, the calls were coming from INSIDE her cave!!! 1.1707 0.05149 82 71 8 3
2232 …and it’s said that St. George still haunts these woods today! 1.1707 0.04848 82 70 10 2
2233 It was ghastly - it walked upright on two legs and had no tail, scales or fiery breath at all! 1.1705 0.04634 88 75 11 2
2234 Once upon a time there was a very scary dragon . . . 1.1705 0.04634 88 75 11 2
2235 You’re being childish, Marvin. 1.1705 0.04343 88 74 13 1
2236 You’re more beautiful than ever 1.1705 0.04908 88 76 9 3
2237 One week’s growth. 1.1705 0.04634 88 75 11 2
2238 ...then the sun disappeared and there was a huge fireball that burned for 40 days! 1.1705 0.04343 88 74 13 1
2239 It takes a lot more than that to scare me! 1.1705 0.04343 88 74 13 1
2240 And suddenly, the paleontologist vanished. They say he still walks these woods. 1.1705 0.04908 88 76 9 3
2241 ..And when your bones turn to goo.. ..they BURN what’s left! 1.1705 0.05167 88 77 7 4
2242 And the museum was filled with our bones. 1.1705 0.04908 88 76 9 3
2243 Did you forget the s’mores? 1.1705 0.04031 88 73 15 0
2244 And then he he came near me and drew his sword and the great Beowulf was defeated. 1.1705 0.04634 88 75 11 2
2245 And then they rebuilt the park thinking it would be different… 1.1705 0.04908 88 76 9 3
2246 He looked something like this! 1.1702 0.04696 94 81 10 3
2247 So what! Your face and my ass! 1.1702 0.04696 94 81 10 3
2248 And what happened after the meteor hit? 1.1702 0.04180 94 79 14 1
2249 I’ve seen THE light. 1.1702 0.04180 94 79 14 1
2250 Then suddenly! A low moaning voice! Bring me back my eggs! 1.1702 0.04180 94 79 14 1
2251 Once upon a time there lived a fat, hideous monster named Harvey Weinstein... 1.1702 0.04446 94 80 12 2
2252 Let’s tell scary stories! 1.1702 0.04933 94 82 8 4
2253 Tell me the one about the little old lady hunting for an alligator handbag. 1.1702 0.04180 94 79 14 1
2254 ..and so the Girl Scout banged on the door and whipped out a box of SNICKERDOODLES!!!! 1.1702 0.05160 94 83 6 5
2255 …and all that remained were the cockroaches. 1.1702 0.04446 94 80 12 2
2256 Then this giant asteroid.... 1.1700 0.04277 100 85 13 2
2257 You're scaring me 1.1700 0.04034 100 84 15 1
2258 Your knight time stories are so scary 1.1700 0.04277 100 85 13 2
2259 Look at me, I have a better light! Everybody can look at me! Yes, but I am hot with fire. 1.1700 0.04034 100 84 15 1
2260 ...then after the asteroid hit, the tiny, hairy, mammals took over the world! 1.1700 0.04507 100 86 11 3
2261 And the this big, big rock came out of the sky, and poof! 1.1700 0.04507 100 86 11 3
2262 Fe Fi Fo Fum, I smell the blood of an Englishman! 1.1700 0.04034 100 84 15 1
2263 And in a flash of light, they all ceased to exist… forever 1.1700 0.04277 100 85 13 2
2264 My turn to tell a human story!! 1.1698 0.04126 106 90 14 2
2265 Let there be fright! 1.1698 0.04126 106 90 14 2
2266 Aaaaahhh. That’s the scariest human I’ve ever seen. 1.1698 0.04338 106 91 12 3
2267 Don't do that! I won't be able to get to sleep tonight. 1.1698 0.04126 106 90 14 2
2268 ...and the hairless apes send the planet back to the hot protosaur age... 1.1698 0.03902 106 89 16 1
2269 Yes, I’m the enlightened one. 1.1695 0.04047 118 101 14 3
2270 And then the humans started driving electric cars and they stopped relying on our remains. 1.1688 0.04678 77 65 11 1
2271 Please tell me this isn’t what you meant by amazing campfire entertainment ? 1.1688 0.05030 77 66 9 2
2272 And then they put his remains into a 1982 Toyota Starlet, where he was never heard from again! 1.1688 0.05030 77 66 9 2
2273 Switch it to flashing, it's scarier. 1.1688 0.04678 77 65 11 1
2274 Once upon a Triassic Period... 1.1688 0.05030 77 66 9 2
2275 I feel detached from your tale. 1.1688 0.04678 77 65 11 1
2276 And then they pave... EVERYTHING! 1.1688 0.05030 77 66 9 2
2277 But instead of a shooting star, it was an asteroid! 1.1688 0.05359 77 67 7 3
2278 I Love A Rainy Night". Bad song choice 1.1688 0.05030 77 66 9 2
2279 then the sun went dark and a biiiig rock appeared in the sky... 1.1687 0.04793 83 71 10 2
2280 I've given up on fire breathing. This is much more efficient. 1.1687 0.04476 83 70 12 1
2281 Yes, yes, they'll look very nice in a museum 1.1687 0.05639 83 74 4 5
2282 The vorpal blade went snicker-snack? You 1.1687 0.04476 83 70 12 1
2283 Nah, not working. You're just not scary looking. 1.1687 0.05091 83 72 8 3
2284 Don’t look up! 1.1687 0.05091 83 72 8 3
2285 Stop it! You're scaring me, Dad! 1.1685 0.04299 89 75 13 1
2286 Very Funny. You don't look anything like an asteroid. 1.1685 0.04586 89 76 11 2
2287 And the asteroid got closer and closer... 1.1685 0.04299 89 75 13 1
2288 How do you feel about extinction? 1.1685 0.04856 89 77 9 3
2289 I bet humans do this, then tell stories about us. 1.1685 0.04299 89 75 13 1
2290 Only then did they notice the hook on the end of her tail. 1.1685 0.04586 89 76 11 2
2291 I can see that you are very hungry, but be patient. The kids will be here with Beyond Meat hotdogs before you know it. 1.1685 0.04299 89 75 13 1
2292 They were telling some story about us and one of them was doing this with the flashlight... anyway yeah I ate all those kids. 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
2293 Yeah, yeah. We've heard the one about the big asteroid that's going to wipe us all out. Got anything really scary? 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
2294 If I've told you once I've told you a thousand times, overhead soft halo light. 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
2295 Looks like somebody isn't flossing. 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
2296 It was a knightmare. 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
2297 And, from out of nowhere, comes hurtling a giant boulder! 1.1684 0.04884 95 83 8 4
2298 Behold, am I not beautiful? 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
2299 ...and he reached out with her fleshy hand and roasted - a marshmallow! 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
2300 Ask me a question and you'll see if I'm telling the truth. 1.1684 0.04650 95 82 10 3
2301 I think they make me look a million years younger, don't you? 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
2302 And then Biden stepped into the shower with his daughter... 1.1683 0.04238 101 86 13 2
2303 My Uncle Trumposaurus says your campfire stories about a horrible meteorite are too impossible to be frightening. 1.1683 0.04238 101 86 13 2
2304 Dude, he woke up in a tar pit and his gizzard had been surgically removed 1.1683 0.04238 101 86 13 2
2305 You are the spitting image of your mother. 1.1683 0.04682 101 88 9 4
2306 Telling ghost stories around the camp-fire goes back millions of years! 1.1682 0.04300 107 92 12 3
2307 Ohhh! You are a tyrant! Julius? Do me a favor. GROW UP!! 1.1682 0.04500 107 93 10 4
2308 Oh No,” he shuddered. That tasty-looking body he soon discovered was made of aluminum. 1.1682 0.04692 107 94 8 5
2309 Cut it out, Spike! No more creepy mammal stories! 1.1682 0.04090 107 91 14 2
2310 And when they looked under the bed, they found... an asteroid! 1.1667 0.04091 84 70 14 0
2311 Then humans developed fusion technology and there was no longer enough radiation to create baby Godzillas. 1.1667 0.04604 96 83 10 3
2312 How in Hell's name did you learn to operate a flashlight!? 1.1667 0.04360 96 82 12 2
2313 What's scary about a boy named Jackie Paper, some strings & sealing wax? 1.1667 0.05600 78 69 5 4
2314 He looked under his bed…AND THERE WAS AN ASTEROID! 1.1667 0.04806 90 78 9 3
2315 I heard batteries are made by a bunny. 1.1667 0.04199 102 87 13 2
2316 It's Karaoke night 1.1667 0.04837 96 84 8 4
2317 I can't wait until they invent floss. 1.1667 0.04604 96 83 10 3
2318 And then the boy scout jumped out and said, "My therapist will never believe this!" 1.1667 0.04360 96 82 12 2
2319 You forgot the marshmallows, Again!" 1.1667 0.04199 102 87 13 2
2320 Booo! I'm a meat eater! 1.1667 0.04427 84 71 12 1
2321 Do ya think they'll recognize me from Jurassic park?" tracy brown, san rafael, c 1.1667 0.04604 96 83 10 3
2322 I know you like scary stories, but these humans are going to give me nightmares! 1.1667 0.04539 90 77 11 2
2323 And PUFF was never seen again 1.1667 0.04424 102 88 11 3
2324 This is me in a previous life 1.1667 0.04740 84 72 10 2
2325 Can we store heat,in case there’s an ice age? 1.1667 0.04837 96 84 8 4
2326 …then the knight got off his horse and said…GOTCHA! 1.1667 0.04539 90 77 11 2
2327 That’s when they raised the social security benefit age to 68. 1.1667 0.04199 102 87 13 2
2328 Ooooh! I’m a human! 1.1667 0.04427 84 71 12 1
2329 Hideous! Who does your injections. 1.1667 0.05294 78 68 7 3
2330 Whoa Larry! That's the scariest face I've seen since the Jurassic period! 1.1667 0.04970 78 67 9 2
2331 Bring on global warming!” 1.1667 0.04263 108 93 12 3
2332 It doesn't work. You're just too handsome! 1.1667 0.04970 78 67 9 2
2333 There’s No Business Like Show Business Like No Business I Know…. 1.1667 0.04843 102 90 7 5
2334 You really gotta come up with something new to scare the kids. 1.1667 0.04970 78 67 9 2
2335 Grrr! I’m a big bad human. 1.1667 0.05059 90 79 7 4
2336 We should bury this stuff next to our wheel before the next age gets underway. 1.1667 0.04604 96 83 10 3
2337 And then… he slipped into his sandals — while wearing socks! 1.1667 0.03961 102 86 15 1
2338 No, it's Energizer. I ate the very annoying bunny. 1.1667 0.05034 84 73 8 3
2339 And then the prince kissed her! 1.1667 0.04263 108 93 12 3
2340 0oooh, another scary one…or is that just you smiling? 1.1667 0.04360 96 82 12 2
2341 And their arms are almost as long as their legs. 1.1667 0.03616 120 101 18 1
2342 …then the frog turned into a prince and they lived happily ever after! 1.1667 0.04247 78 65 13 0
2343 Stop it! Wait for the kids to show up! 1.1667 0.04970 78 67 9 2
2344 I tell you, this laser sword is pretty useless 1.1667 0.04100 96 81 14 1
2345 At this point the flashlight is simply a formality 1.1667 0.04539 90 77 11 2
2346 As the T-Rex's massive teeth crushed the bones of the last human alive, he cried out, "That meteor story was bullshit!" 1.1667 0.04427 84 71 12 1
2347 So this skin care routine I found on tiktok… 1.1667 0.05311 84 74 6 4
2348 Suddenly , three really scary teenagers jumped out of the dark! So I ate them! 1.1667 0.04427 84 71 12 1
2349 And then he said 'Let's play a little game. I've taped the antidote to your back. All you have to do is grab and you live.' 1.1667 0.04100 96 81 14 1
2350 No, I wouldn't call it gilding the lily. 1.1667 0.04117 114 98 13 3
2351 That 2nd chin is pretty scary. 1.1667 0.04740 84 72 10 2
2352 IS THIS SCARY ENOUGH? 1.1667 0.04255 90 76 13 1
2353 They believed us when we told them we were selling campfire cookies! 1.1667 0.04740 84 72 10 2
2354 …And there was no Universal Health Care… 1.1667 0.03721 114 96 17 1
2355 Don't be scared, it's called an evolutionary anachronism. 1.1667 0.04424 102 88 11 3
2356 And then Trevor from accounts payable walked by my desk a THIRD TIME! 1.1667 0.04806 90 78 9 3
2357 And THEN, the evil townspeople called the fire department on the poor old dragon. 1.1652 0.04083 115 99 13 3
2358 And then the disgusting child woke the sleeping little dragon... 1.1651 0.04423 109 95 10 4
2359 And then they saved fifteen percent on their cave insurance. 1.1651 0.04020 109 93 14 2
2360 just then she realized, it was the very same orange-haired, blob-like creature, evilly grinning at her … from behind the Resolute Desk 1.1651 0.04226 109 94 12 3
2361 Now you get to see the real me at night. 1.1651 0.04020 109 93 14 2
2362 Daaaaddd! Stop with those scary faces!! 1.1651 0.03803 109 92 16 1
2363 It saves on the heartburn. 1.1650 0.03676 103 86 17 0
2364 Where did you find D-cell batteries so long after the holidays? 1.1650 0.04384 103 89 11 3
2365 There they were, the creatures with cell phones for hands... 1.1650 0.04384 103 89 11 3
2366 And when the dragon opened the door to the tower, the princess wasn't there! 1.1650 0.03926 103 87 15 1
2367 Wait...you ate your own right arm? 1.1650 0.04384 103 89 11 3
2368 suddenly ghastly George appeared and he was No Saint! 1.1650 0.04161 103 88 13 2
2369 please not scary human stories again! 1.1649 0.04061 97 82 14 1
2370 I always wanted to be in the spotlight. Born to be a star 1.1649 0.04061 97 82 14 1
2371 Don't, it makes you look like a monster! 1.1649 0.04560 97 84 10 3
2372 An Asteroid? No way! 1.1649 0.04560 97 84 10 3
2373 I'm pretty sure the Chinese Balloon can't track us here 1.1649 0.04560 97 84 10 3
2374 Glad to see you leaning in. 1.1648 0.04212 91 77 13 1
2375 And then the asteroid got closer....and closer...until... 1.1648 0.04756 91 79 9 3
2376 ...and so, on dark nights like this one, the headless cartoonist searches for incongruous tropes and a flashlight, just like this one. 1.1648 0.04492 91 78 11 2
2377 You are so much bigger in person than on Zoom. 1.1648 0.04492 91 78 11 2
2378 Your terrifying human face needs some work. 1.1648 0.04212 91 77 13 1
2379 Sorry, Ralph, I'm just not buying it. 1.1648 0.04212 91 77 13 1
2380 I still think they taste better cooked over the open flame. 1.1648 0.04756 91 79 9 3
2381 Eeeeek, look, I'm a scary monster ... 1.1648 0.04756 91 79 9 3
2382 So he says to me…’I’m gonna slay you’ and I say to him…’Georgie, you ain’t no saint’. 1.1648 0.04756 91 79 9 3
2383 Flossing - I’ve never heard of it 1.1648 0.04212 91 77 13 1
2384 And the human was in the backseat! 1.1648 0.04756 91 79 9 3
2385 Bloody ferns! Bloooooooooooody ferns! 1.1648 0.05245 91 81 5 5
2386 Before you show that off to our dates, you might want to know you have food stuck between your teeth. 1.1648 0.04756 91 79 9 3
2387 Who do I look most like? 1.1648 0.04212 91 77 13 1
2388 Don't do that... you're scaring me! 1.1648 0.04212 91 77 13 1
2389 Once upon a time, there lived a species known as humans who doomed the world. 1.1648 0.03911 91 76 15 0
2390 Pretty scary Halloween outfit, right? 1.1648 0.04756 91 79 9 3
2391 Travolta, Godzilla, The Joker, Julia Roberts -- I can do them all. 1.1648 0.04756 91 79 9 3
2392 Stop it, Sharon, you know I can’t handle stories with princes in them, not after the incident! 1.1648 0.04756 91 79 9 3
2393 You should have seen how I scared that stegosaurus that was sleeping in the woods. 1.1647 0.04688 85 73 10 2
2394 You look like Godzilla after eating Tokyo. 1.1647 0.04047 85 71 14 0
2395 Didn't I tell you that if we tried hard we could light a fire. 1.1647 0.04978 85 74 8 3
2396 Slowly, in the darkness, the magic spell made his arms longer, and longer, until suddenly…HE COULD SCRATCH HIS BACK! 1.1647 0.04688 85 73 10 2
2397 Old folks say, the species that made this kind of stuff had disappeared after a big asteroid explosion 1.1647 0.04047 85 71 14 0
2398 It's not the dark you have to worry about, it's the things that go bump in the night. 1.1647 0.04379 85 72 12 1
2399 Scared? Do I look like Trump? 1.1647 0.04978 85 74 8 3
2400 One day,a comet appeared 1.1647 0.04379 85 72 12 1
2401 Yeah, that outta keep the mosquitos away. 1.1647 0.04688 85 73 10 2
2402 Forget about it, Jake. I'm not in the mood. 1.1647 0.05252 85 75 6 4
2403 ...and every midnight the ghost of St George passes through this neck of the woods. 1.1647 0.04379 85 72 12 1
2404 And so this asteroid comes streaking out of the sky and kills us all! 1.1646 0.04911 79 68 9 2
2405 In the year 2023, you'll be anthropomorphized 1.1646 0.04911 79 68 9 2
2406 …pollution led to severe climate change and eventually to human extinction…. 1.1638 0.04733 116 104 5 7
2407 I dare you to run by the tar pits & listen for the cheers from Saudi Arabia. 1.1635 0.04555 104 91 9 4
2408 …. the tar is oozing down the mountain heading straight for us… 1.1635 0.04124 104 89 13 2
2409 Sing it with me -- "Blue Moon...." 1.1635 0.03891 104 88 15 1
2410 Wanna see me start another fire? 1.1633 0.04277 98 84 12 2
2411 Then out of nowhere, a giant asteroid landed on their heads!! 1.1633 0.04023 98 83 14 1
2412 Want to see something really scary? 1.1633 0.04277 98 84 12 2
2413 And then the SECOND ICE AGE CAME! 1.1633 0.04023 98 83 14 1
2414 Nice effect, but as usual the moon is backwards. 1.1633 0.04743 98 86 8 4
2415 Very scary, Gary. 1.1633 0.04516 98 85 10 3
2416 You should have seen the look on the guys face that dropped this! 1.1633 0.04960 98 87 6 5
2417 Don't be frightened, I promise this story isn't too scary. It's the story of us." 1.1633 0.03753 98 82 16 0
2418 And then the hungry monster in the forest ran out of campers to eat! 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
2419 One stormy night, a hit movie demonized us as theme park monsters! 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
2420 Where’d you get the flashlight? 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
2421 Dude, waaay scarier than lighting your farts. 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
2422 Wait till they find out we track their GPS!! 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
2423 And then the T-Rex fired up his chainsaw 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
2424 Glad that fellow could do time travel. I was really hungry after the fire in the sky. 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
2425 ...and legend says that in that lake over there, there are lurking trilobites who survived the last extinction. 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
2426 You're not quite ready for your close-up. 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
2427 The monster trembled with fear as the closet door opened and a voice said, ‘Does this spark joy’? 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
2428 Oh, fuck! 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
2429 Would you quit fucking around with that flashlight I’m about to shit myself over here. 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
2430 The door creaked open slowly and it was a .....HUMAN!!!!... 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
2431 Do you think the Botox was a good idea? 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
2432 and then there were no more children to eat 1.1628 0.04332 86 73 12 1
2433 Now for this one, I've gotta look scary!" 1.1628 0.04332 86 73 12 1
2434 The lighting does you no favours 1.1628 0.04924 86 75 8 3
2435 It's great to finally meet in person! 1.1628 0.04004 86 72 14 0
2436 I am the light ! 1.1628 0.04004 86 72 14 0
2437 And after I pulled away, I found a cute teen-ager's hand pulled off and clinging to my car's door handle! 1.1628 0.04332 86 73 12 1
2438 You're telling me the big bad meteor came down one night and killed EVERYBODY? 1.1628 0.04332 86 73 12 1
2439 Real scary Billy, what’s next, a snipe hunt? 1.1628 0.04637 86 74 10 2
2440 This mammalian invasion has already begun, and in a short 65 million years, they'll be in charge. 1.1628 0.04924 86 75 8 3
2441 squeak, scrunch...and then Puff jumped in fright when the knight in rusty armor appeared. 1.1628 0.04924 86 75 8 3
2442 And then….. their bones and everything were dug up and put on display for everybody to see!! 1.1628 0.05194 86 76 6 4
2443 Do my eyes look too red? 1.1628 0.04332 86 73 12 1
2444 Does this light make my face greener? 1.1628 0.04332 86 73 12 1
2445 Are you also thinking we’re cloned from the same DNA? 1.1625 0.05169 80 70 7 3
2446 Hon, if I cover the center of the flashlight, we’ll have a nice ring light for our Zoom calls. 1.1625 0.04151 80 67 13 0
2447 You really need to floss. 1.1625 0.05169 80 70 7 3
2448 . . . and as the plane readied for took off, there were 20 toddlers in poopy diapers screaming and kicking the chairs, and the pilot said we would be delayed on the runway for at least 2 hours. 1.1625 0.05467 80 71 5 4
2449 They dug up the bones of our ancestors from deep fissures in the mountains, and they burned them, burned them all! 1.1625 0.04516 80 68 11 1
2450 And then all the MILFs found out that the men at the manor were actually their sons 1.1625 0.04853 80 69 9 2
2451 How is that a turn on? 1.1622 0.05101 74 64 8 2
2452 Not another meteor story! 1.1622 0.05451 74 65 6 3
2453 Doesn't work, still look just like a T-rex. 1.1622 0.04314 74 62 12 0
2454 Want to hear a fossil story? 1.1622 0.03740 111 94 16 1
2455 And then he did his taxes, but he forgot to claim a dependant! 1.1622 0.04348 111 97 10 4
2456 And they laughed…as they used our desecrated bodies as FUEL! 1.1622 0.05451 74 65 6 3
2457 He: See, I call it karaoke; She: You need a mic not a flashlight 1.1622 0.04532 111 98 8 5
2458 …and then the big, bad meteor crashed into the earth. 1.1622 0.04348 111 97 10 4
2459 I forgot the marshmallows. 1.1619 0.04088 105 90 13 2
2460 That’s so sick. 1.1619 0.04088 105 90 13 2
2461 You'll have to go beyond this to scare a city, Godzilla. 1.1619 0.04514 105 92 9 4
2462 And he had a hook for a tail! 1.1619 0.03857 105 89 15 1
2463 And then, without warning, comes this huge rock from above, wiping out all the dinosaurs on earth. 1.1619 0.03857 105 89 15 1
2464 2 dragons sittin by the fire, iko iko a nae 1.1619 0.04306 105 91 11 3
2465 Do I have any smores in my teeth? 1.1616 0.04237 99 85 12 2
2466 ….and then the fire-breathing dragon used his last breath to start a campfire before he killed the only other fire-breathing dragon. Now go to your tent and get some sleep. 1.1616 0.03986 99 84 14 1
2467 He froze as he entered the museum. It was his mom and dad; only their skeletons. 1.1616 0.04473 99 86 10 3
2468 And there he was, with smooth, white teeth and fresh breath! 1.1616 0.04473 99 86 10 3
2469 Boo! OMG! Fooled ya'. It' is I, MTG" 1.1616 0.04698 99 87 8 4
2470 WHOA! That could only be scarier if you were wearing one of those creepy human masks. 1.1616 0.04473 99 86 10 3
2471 And that is why, we dragons are not allowed to blow candles on our birthday. 1.1616 0.03986 99 84 14 1
2472 I'll have what she's having 1.1616 0.03986 99 84 14 1
2473 And they kept their bones for millions of years so that human children could point at them. 1.1613 0.03835 93 78 15 0
2474 Are we trying to heat up the whole planet? Use this. 1.1613 0.04128 93 79 13 1
2475 But after converting the lair’s mountain of gold to crypto, the market collapsed! 1.1613 0.04128 93 79 13 1
2476 Okay this is gunna be a scary one… Humans. 1.1613 0.04402 93 80 11 2
2477 Your beauty shines in that light. 1.1613 0.04128 93 79 13 1
2478 And then they say we have short arms and can never reach anything... 1.1613 0.04128 93 79 13 1
2479 You’re scarier in the dark. 1.1613 0.04128 93 79 13 1
2480 Have you ever heard of an asteroid? 1.1613 0.04128 93 79 13 1
2481 And then it said, ‘no internet connection’ 1.1613 0.04402 93 80 11 2
2482 ...and then this huge fireball appears in the sky and keeps getting closer, and closer, until ... 1.1609 0.04588 87 75 10 2
2483 How do I look now?...I don't think that's what they meant when they said try a filter. 1.1609 0.04286 87 74 12 1
2484 Stop trying to cheer me up. You know I hate fire when I'm not breathing it. 1.1609 0.04286 87 74 12 1
2485 There’s so many conspiracy theories…global cooling… asteroids… You just don’t know what to believe… 1.1609 0.04588 87 75 10 2
2486 Then out of the blue comes this huge meteorite hurtling straight towards us 1.1609 0.04588 87 75 10 2
2487 Wadday mean, I went to the plastic surgeon today and won’t need another lifting. Also, my dentist said I don’t need braces anymore. My teeth are all perfect. See? 1.1609 0.04286 87 74 12 1
2488 There's a note attached that says "when the asteroid hits, you might need this". What the hell does that mean? 1.1609 0.04588 87 75 10 2
2489 John…don’t look now, but there’s a meteor heading straight towards us 1.1609 0.04286 87 74 12 1
2490 Too late, he remembered he wasn't in Europe anymore! The 32 on the gauge was in... Fahrenheit!!! 1.1609 0.04588 87 75 10 2
2491 Sorry — you don’t have the nostrils to make that work. 1.1609 0.04870 87 76 8 3
2492 Are you petrified yet? 1.1609 0.04588 87 75 10 2
2493 You forgot the smores? 1.1605 0.04464 81 69 11 1
2494 They’ll invent the wheel next 1.1605 0.04797 81 70 9 2
2495 I bought it online and it shines for up to 5 miles. 1.1605 0.04797 81 70 9 2
2496 ... and it was a knight ! 1.1605 0.04104 81 68 13 0
2497 And then the little pink bunny says "I love you!" 1.1605 0.05109 81 71 7 3
2498 And then there was this huge ball of fire in the sky.... 1.1604 0.03824 106 90 15 1
2499 No more scary extinction stories! 1.1600 0.04197 100 86 12 2
2500 And then this big fireball began plummeting toward Earth. 1.1600 0.05037 75 65 8 2
2501 You’re gonna give me nightmares! 1.1600 0.05037 75 65 8 2
2502 …then the little orange dot got bigger and bigger and BIGGER, until it was all they could see” 1.1600 0.04262 75 63 12 0
2503 Why must you always be in the limelight, Godzilla? 1.1600 0.05383 75 66 6 3
2504 ...and then this large, green spiked fire breathing ogre... 1.1600 0.05037 75 65 8 2
2505 I'd like to thank the academy for finally choosing a reptile, not that they had a choice after we ate all the mammals. 1.1600 0.05037 75 65 8 2
2506 ...and in the car door handle, they found a tiny prosthetic arm with a hook on the end. 1.1596 0.03797 94 79 15 0
2507 Wooooooo! I'm a big scary human! 1.1596 0.04358 94 81 11 2
2508 Does this make my teeth look big? 1.1596 0.04088 94 80 13 1
2509 And That’s What Humans Will Use Us For When We’re Crude Oil 1.1596 0.04088 94 80 13 1
2510 You know I can't stand it when you make that scary human face! 1.1596 0.04088 94 80 13 1
2511 What are you trying to do? Scare me? 1.1596 0.03797 94 79 15 0
2512 Then the knight said, 'I come in peace', and I was like 'yeah right, I was born at night, but not last night!' 1.1596 0.04613 94 82 9 3
2513 The Chicxulub crater started the mass extinction, and then the mammals took over. 1.1596 0.03797 94 79 15 0
2514 They were called humans. They roamed the Earth during the day. They looked like this. 1.1596 0.04088 94 80 13 1
2515 Suddenly a spot of light appeared in the sky. It quickly grew in size and in just a minute it covered the entire sky. It was a comet. The biggest comet earth ever sade! MOAHAHAHAHA!!!! 1.1596 0.04613 94 82 9 3
2516 There was a prophecy that the dinosaur race would be wiped out by a celestial rock and our world ruled by descendants of FURLESS MONKEYS. 1.1596 0.04613 94 82 9 3
2517 There was once a tv show with a friendly purple dinosaur... 1.1591 0.04241 88 75 12 1
2518 And then, and then, and then they went to SLEEP. 1.1591 0.04539 88 76 10 2
2519 It did taste great, but you should have seen the look on its face when I grabbed this thing and held it under my jaw. 1.1591 0.04241 88 75 12 1
2520 & then the ‘dawn’ of civilization 1.1591 0.04539 88 76 10 2
2521 I knew we were better at hide-and-seek. 1.1591 0.04539 88 76 10 2
2522 Then Little Jackie Paper grew up... 1.1591 0.04539 88 76 10 2
2523 And then, I big white balloon got caught in his tail wind. 1.1591 0.04241 88 75 12 1
2524 And his fossil was forever misgendered 1.1591 0.04539 88 76 10 2
2525 I got this idea last night. 1.1591 0.04241 88 75 12 1
2526 And legend says, apes are next in line to talk. 1.1591 0.04818 88 77 8 3
2527 ... and there, under the bed, crouched St. George! 1.1591 0.04241 88 75 12 1
2528 Can you believe this beautiful face scared them away? 1.1591 0.04241 88 75 12 1
2529 Then when he tried to scream, all that came out was, "Puff..." 1.1591 0.04539 88 76 10 2
2530 Don’t joke about that! My cousin Jerry died by that asteroid 1.1591 0.03921 88 74 14 0
2531 …and when the baby dragon was born, his mother named him GEORGE! 1.1591 0.04539 88 76 10 2
2532 "And then, the orange-faced monster said, 'we should get rid of the constitution,' and all the people who had not drunk the kool-aid were very afraid." 1.1589 0.04629 107 95 7 5
2533 Let's find some campers and give them a really big scare. 1.1585 0.04743 82 71 9 2
2534 Does this make me look like a monster? 1.1585 0.04743 82 71 9 2
2535 If it’s too scary I can scale it back. 1.1585 0.05050 82 72 7 3
2536 And that's why dragons are becoming extinct." 1.1585 0.04743 82 71 9 2
2537 Where the hell did you get that flashlight? 1.1585 0.04414 82 70 11 1
2538 …then the operator says, "Watch out! The call is coming from INSIDE the dungeon!" 1.1585 0.04743 82 71 9 2
2539 And then all life on earth will be destroyed by ice. Or a meteor. Or a forest fire. 1.1585 0.04414 82 70 11 1
2540 And then they’ll dig up your bones! 1.1585 0.05050 82 72 7 3
2541 Did you know that a good jest can survive extinction? 1.1585 0.04743 82 71 9 2
2542 And after been buried for thousand of years, one moonless night his liquified body oozed out of the ground as black tar. His revenge: the gangrenous destruction of the earth! 1.1585 0.05050 82 72 7 3
2543 Give me my flashlight back asshole. 1.1585 0.05050 82 72 7 3
2544 "I bought a flashlight; since the fire will extinguish by itself!!" 1.1585 0.05050 82 72 7 3
2545 And then, they elected him president… 1.1585 0.04414 82 70 11 1
2546 And then the asteroid came out of the sky, and... 1.1584 0.04390 101 88 10 3
2547 And then his mom called him home for dinner. 1.1584 0.04158 101 87 12 2
2548 You shoulda seen it! That camper’s face got THIS big when I swallowed her whole. 1.1584 0.03913 101 86 14 1
2549 What do you mean pass the torch? 1.1584 0.03651 101 85 16 0
2550 Cool story bro-saurus. Did you bring the marshmallows? 1.1584 0.04158 101 87 12 2
2551 Chin up knucklehead. 1.1584 0.03913 101 86 14 1
2552 And the operator said, "the call is coming from inside your own cave!" 1.1584 0.04610 101 89 8 4
2553 . . . and then the human realized he forgot his password to his Bitcoin wallet! 1.1584 0.04390 101 88 10 3
2554 Um...Donald Trump? 1.1584 0.04158 101 87 12 2
2555 I like to warm my feet before I go out to catch my dinner 1.1584 0.03913 101 86 14 1
2556 And then the humans crashed into the cave and the little dragon hid behind a big rock... 1.1584 0.03913 101 86 14 1
2557 And the comet *hit* the planet, and the dinosaurs were never heard from again! 1.1584 0.04390 101 88 10 3
2558 And hanging right there was — a bloody hook! 1.1584 0.03913 101 86 14 1
2559 The calls were coming from INSIDE the dungeon! 1.1584 0.04158 101 87 12 2
2560 what's a hitchhiker? 1.1579 0.04568 95 83 9 3
2561 And then they were turned into nuggets 1.1579 0.04568 95 83 9 3
2562 I think that’s enough Broadway show tunes for tonight. 1.1579 0.05316 76 67 6 3
2563 And then Red Riding Hood said: "Grandma, my what sharp teeth you have..." 1.1579 0.05636 76 68 4 4
2564 Well if we don't move to green energy we might extinct 1.1579 0.04568 95 83 9 3
2565 ...and then they cloned us and put us on an island behind locked gates. 1.1579 0.04608 76 65 10 1
2566 Whoo, now that's scarry 1.1579 0.04316 95 82 11 2
2567 We must be related, it can breathe light. 1.1579 0.04568 95 83 9 3
2568 You just had to ruin karaoke by eating the spotlight operator, didn't you? 1.1579 0.04975 76 66 8 2
2569 It came from outer space... 1.1579 0.04568 95 83 9 3
2570 Once upon a time, there were these creatures that wanted to rule the world, but they were very bad. These creatures were called Politicians..... 1.1579 0.04807 95 84 7 4
2571 We're the last two dinosaurs and if you don't stop with the jokes, we're going to be extinct. 1.1579 0.04048 95 81 13 1
2572 Do I have any Stegosaurus in my teeth? 1.1579 0.04568 95 83 9 3
2573 And then the lights came on and everyone SCREAMED! 1.1579 0.04316 95 82 11 2
2574 Let’s just order in tonight. 1.1579 0.04975 76 66 8 2
2575 And after all that - here's the really spooky part - he became an herbivore! 1.1579 0.04316 95 82 11 2
2576 It’s so much fun to make believe I’m ferocious 1.1579 0.04608 76 65 10 1
2577 Yeah…really scary Ray. Now do the red strobe… 1.1574 0.03982 108 93 13 2
2578 The luminosity is great, but there's nothing like the campfire for warming my cold-blooded toes. 1.1573 0.04197 89 76 12 1
2579 Dragons are scary. Giant dragons are scarier. Light is scariest. 1.1573 0.04491 89 77 10 2
2580 If you're doing that Great Pumpkin schtick, you're in the wrong comic. 1.1573 0.04491 89 77 10 2
2581 They called him Saint George, but we called him Devil’ 1.1573 0.04491 89 77 10 2
2582 This story's about a very scary knight - spelled with a k! 1.1573 0.04197 89 76 12 1
2583 We have nothing to fear but fear itself," it said. I laughed in its face and said "Fear These!" 1.1573 0.04491 89 77 10 2
2584 And that's why dragons only have three toes on each foot and no wings. Any questions? 1.1573 0.04767 89 78 8 3
2585 And just before I ate him he had this up to his chin telling everyone about the goblins out here. 1.1573 0.04491 89 77 10 2
2586 Let me tell you a scaly story. 1.1573 0.03881 89 75 14 0
2587 And then the meteor struck! 1.1573 0.04197 89 76 12 1
2588 And then I ate the man with a hook for a hand. 1.1573 0.04197 89 76 12 1
2589 … and then the scary monsters said boo and scared all of the children. 1.1573 0.04197 89 76 12 1
2590 You probably should floss before you start. You've got part of Harajuku stuck in your teeth and it's freaking me out. 1.1573 0.04767 89 78 8 3
2591 And after the bones are liquified they burn them! But we shall have revenge... 1.1573 0.04767 89 78 8 3
2592 You can keep your fire! 1.1573 0.04767 89 78 8 3
2593 And the lord said “let there be light” 1.1573 0.05028 89 79 6 4
2594 I know, but if I use this flashlight it will really scare the kids. 1.1573 0.04197 89 76 12 1
2595 ...but it turns out the knight's armor clanking was coming from inside the cave! 1.1573 0.04491 89 77 10 2
2596 They ate smores, didn't get their boosters and become extinct! 1.1573 0.04491 89 77 10 2
2597 Even though you know it’s me, the scary torch trick never fails. 1.1573 0.04491 89 77 10 2
2598 Nothing is going to be any scarier than what you did to the s'mores. 1.1573 0.04197 89 76 12 1
2599 And then the monsters fed on our remains for hundreds of years in order to destroy the Earth! 1.1569 0.04567 102 90 8 4
2600 The two-legged creature we saw running around with this light stick: well, he was good eating , but this dumb stick got caught in my teeth. 1.1569 0.04350 102 89 10 3
2601 ... and that's who built this fire before we got here! 1.1569 0.04120 102 88 12 2
2602 We have three lights (the moon, the flashlight and the bonfire) and our faces show that we don´t understand anything yet. 1.1569 0.04120 102 88 12 2
2603 And the monster looked like….!!! 1.1566 0.04689 83 72 9 2
2604 Cut it out! You're scaring me. 1.1566 0.04689 83 72 9 2
2605 Do my teeth look yellow to you? 1.1566 0.04689 83 72 9 2
2606 Cool, Dino. You're good enough to sing with Puff and Barney. 1.1566 0.04364 83 71 11 1
2607 The scariest part of the story is yet to come: the 2024 United States presidential election! 1.1566 0.05279 83 74 5 4
2608 Whitening strips are good for my smile. 1.1566 0.04689 83 72 9 2
2609 And they called it Jurassic Park despite most of the dinosaurs being…from the Mesozoic Era! 1.1566 0.05279 83 74 5 4
2610 ...and that's when she realized that the call was coming from INSIDE the cave! 1.1566 0.04364 83 71 11 1
2611 But then suddenly St. George jumped out and said 'Boo!' 1.1566 0.04364 83 71 11 1
2612 Bigger, Sharper, Whiter, Paleodentistry Yeah! 1.1566 0.04689 83 72 9 2
2613 Last curtain call before the asteroid. 1.1566 0.04992 83 73 7 3
2614 ...and the horrible creatures without any scales just kept coming and coming and coming... BILLIONS of them! 1.1566 0.04014 83 70 13 0
2615 And when they got home,they found a hand with an opposable thumb lodged in the car door! 1.1566 0.04992 83 73 7 3
2616 Fire-breathing alone is not enough to scare anyone. You also need uplighting. 1.1566 0.04689 83 72 9 2
2617 And so he BURNED the throne to a crisp forcing them to form a democracy. The End. 1.1566 0.04992 83 73 7 3
2618 The scariest story of them all, 'When Humans Walked the Earth.'" They called themselves Republicans and Democrats 1.1565 0.04205 115 101 10 4
2619 I get it... you're scary. Can we call it a night already? 1.1562 0.04009 96 82 13 1
2620 Then the little hairy creatures made buildings to come stare at our corpses for their entertainment 1.1562 0.04759 96 85 7 4
2621 It was a fleshy visage… no scales, none at all—just bare flesh and a blue-eyed smile that nearly made me faint. 1.1562 0.04274 96 83 11 2
2622 Let me guess -- a late-night comic? 1.1562 0.03725 96 81 15 0
2623 I flossed...come and look for yourself if you don't believe me. 1.1562 0.04523 96 84 9 3
2624 And then the paleontologist monster dug up our graves and made statues from our bones! 1.1562 0.04274 96 83 11 2
2625 But when they got out of the car, they saw one tiny detached arm dangling from the side-view mirror. 1.1562 0.04523 96 84 9 3
2626 It may not be so dramatic but it eliminates that awful acid reflux burn. 1.1562 0.04523 96 84 9 3
2627 Incredible! You OWN Boris Karloff! 1.1562 0.04523 96 84 9 3
2628 And then he kissed the princess and they fell in love! 1.1562 0.04274 96 83 11 2
2629 Frank, will you please quit i? It makes you look cute, and it scares me to see you like that! 1.1560 0.04158 109 95 11 3
2630 And then the humans chop down all the trees in the forest! 1.1558 0.04553 77 66 10 1
2631 And then an asteroid hit...Boom! 1.1558 0.04914 77 67 8 2
2632 What do you think? Time to see the dentist? 1.1558 0.04161 77 65 12 0
2633 Like I said, you’re not scaring me and you’re not the least bit funny, but keep it up and it will be the end of us. 1.1558 0.05250 77 68 6 3
2634 Just in case the fire burns out. 1.1558 0.04553 77 66 10 1
2635 The year is 2023, and everyone thinks we’re extinct. 1.1558 0.04553 77 66 10 1
2636 And then along comes Saint George … 1.1556 0.03842 90 76 14 0
2637 ...and the asteroid was getting closer...and closer...and closer 1.1556 0.04717 90 79 8 3
2638 Want to makeup a scary human story? 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
2639 Do I look like a damsel in distress now? 1.1556 0.04154 90 77 12 1
2640 Wow! it does make you look thinner. 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
2641 And then suddenly, over your shoulder you catch a glimpse of it, a flaming rock! 1.1556 0.03842 90 76 14 0
2642 You don't really look any different to me!!! 1.1556 0.04717 90 79 8 3
2643 This is so romantic but next time please bring some marshmallows. 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
2644 Then she looked right at him and said, “The Dinosaur you talked to couldn’t have been Pisanosaurus. He went extinct in the late Triassic period!” 1.1556 0.04717 90 79 8 3
2645 In a parallel universe this is hilarious! 1.1556 0.04975 90 80 6 4
2646 and, when I finally got home, I found a hand stuck in my rear molars! 1.1556 0.03842 90 76 14 0
2647 Floss that camper crud before you go to sleep tonight funny man. 1.1548 0.04637 84 73 9 2
2648 And then their life was controlled by a the hand computer called a cell phone. 1.1548 0.04637 84 73 9 2
2649 ... but why didn't he just roast the knight? 1.1548 0.04316 84 72 11 1
2650 ...and then WHAM, the meteor hit! 1.1548 0.03970 84 71 13 0
2651 Then Jackie Paper came no more! 1.1548 0.04936 84 74 7 3
2652 It may not be as scary, but it has a lower carbon footprint than breathing fire. 1.1548 0.04936 84 74 7 3
2653 Not one with the humans again. They're too freakin' creepy. 1.1548 0.04637 84 73 9 2
2654 Believe me, you look much more terrifying like this! 1.1546 0.03971 97 83 13 1
2655 Now THAT is scary ! You like just like my Ex ! 1.1546 0.04479 97 85 9 3
2656 …and the giant asteroid will hit the Earth… 1.1546 0.03971 97 83 13 1
2657 And then the vegan mammoth appeared... 1.1546 0.03971 97 83 13 1
2658 And then the dragon blew out snowflakes instead of fire 1.1546 0.04479 97 85 9 3
2659 Stop it, you know I'm afraid of the knight. 1.1546 0.04232 97 84 11 2
2660 Evolution is fake news. Our kids will never be salamanders. 1.1546 0.03971 97 83 13 1
2661 And then there were no cities left to terrorize. 1.1546 0.04232 97 84 11 2
2662 And then all of a sudden,his breath smelled minty and cool. 1.1538 0.04498 78 67 10 1
2663 And then the EPA auditor said we could never breathe fire ever again … 1.1538 0.04668 91 80 8 3
2664 And they will fuel their machines with our remains! 1.1538 0.05186 78 69 6 3
2665 One day, when you least expect it... Bam! You look.up at the sky and there it is, burning like a star, The Mad Meteor coming to get you! 1.1538 0.04112 91 78 12 1
2666 They have smooth skin, rounded teeth, and thumbs used to grab you in the middle of the night. 1.1538 0.04112 91 78 12 1
2667 Do you think this expression will scare the others? 1.1538 0.04112 91 78 12 1
2668 Very funny, y'old fossil! 1.1538 0.04271 104 91 10 3
2669 It was then that he realized that the call was coming from inside the lair! 1.1538 0.04668 91 80 8 3
2670 … and it’s got a rechargeable battery, so it’s better for the environment. 1.1538 0.04046 104 90 12 2
2671 Then they started burning our liquified corpses to power their machinery! 1.1538 0.04668 91 80 8 3
2672 No spinach, but there's a piece of tunic. 1.1538 0.04399 91 79 10 2
2673 Welcome to Jurassic Park VII. 1.1538 0.04046 104 90 12 2
2674 Quit that! You look like a human being. 1.1538 0.04399 91 79 10 2
2675 It'll never catch on. Not much heat. 1.1538 0.04855 78 68 8 2
2676 climate change is a hoax 1.1538 0.04399 91 79 10 2
2677 But I don't want to be in movies, I want to be an Influencer." 1.1538 0.04668 91 80 8 3
2678 Once upon a time, long long ago, there was a fiery asteroid that crashed into the earth... 1.1538 0.03809 104 89 14 1
2679 First we tell scary stories, then we roast sticky things that get stuck in our teeth. 1.1538 0.04855 78 68 8 2
2680 And then he could't reach them! 1.1538 0.04399 91 79 10 2
2681 Wow, just as I was getting to grips with this new fire thing, 1.1538 0.04498 78 67 10 1
2682 You don't scare me. 1.1538 0.04112 91 78 12 1
2683 Asteroids - Ha! This’ll really scare you. 1.1538 0.04484 104 92 8 4
2684 Hah! I've seen much scarier faces than that! 1.1538 0.04498 78 67 10 1
2685 …and then an asteroid crashed into the earth and there was no more sunlight 1.1538 0.04668 91 80 8 3
2686 The time traveler also gave me some good investment tips. 1.1538 0.04112 91 78 12 1
2687 Quit it! You look really creepy! 1.1538 0.04668 91 80 8 3
2688 And then there’s this woman Cersei who’s not not married to her brother …. 1.1538 0.04855 78 68 8 2
2689 But we survive the meteor and many millions of years later our advanced civilization and brilliant individuals are honored in great museums. 1.1531 0.04436 98 86 9 3
2690 My name is Bud. This is my light. Can I get you a beer? 1.1531 0.04192 98 85 11 2
2691 And then the asteroid appeared in the sky... 1.1531 0.04667 98 87 7 4
2692 King Kong ain't got nothing on me! 1.1531 0.03656 98 83 15 0
2693 And that’s who lives happily ever after. 1.1529 0.04269 85 73 11 1
2694 The time traveller dropped the flashlight before I ate her. 1.1529 0.04269 85 73 11 1
2695 You're wasting batteries, and who the hell is Fiorello La Guardia? 1.1529 0.05160 85 76 5 4
2696 I like to use this when I'm telling scary stories. 1.1529 0.04585 85 74 9 2
2697 I didn't invent fire for this nonsense! 1.1529 0.04585 85 74 9 2
2698 Eeeeek!!! You look so human!!! 1.1529 0.04585 85 74 9 2
2699 It's called, "The Museum of Natural History"... 1.1529 0.04269 85 73 11 1
2700 And then the big rock fell from the sky ... 1.1529 0.04881 85 75 7 3
2701 Silence of the Dinos That night, the vicious little rodents slipped silently into Godzilla’s nest, ripped open the bellies of her babies, and ate their livers with some Fava beans and a nice Chianti. 1.1529 0.04585