Rank |
Caption |
Mean |
Precision |
Total votes |
"Unfunny" votes |
"Somewhat funny" votes |
"Funny" votes |
0 |
This is the option covered by your insurance |
1.8429 |
0.01659 |
2393 |
1005 |
759 |
629 |
1 |
It’s going to work a lot faster than the prune juice. |
1.8251 |
0.01595 |
2670 |
1181 |
775 |
714 |
2 |
We find it works quicker than the laxative |
1.8237 |
0.02219 |
1310 |
558 |
425 |
327 |
3 |
Or we could go with diet and exercise... |
1.8189 |
0.02008 |
1513 |
623 |
541 |
349 |
4 |
So if I do this right you shouldn’t feel a thing. |
1.8103 |
0.02440 |
991 |
404 |
371 |
216 |
5 |
There was a little mix-up here. Dr. Mason is an osteopath. I’m Dr. Manson, a psychopath. |
1.8032 |
0.01372 |
3700 |
1723 |
982 |
995 |
6 |
As you can see, I am board certified. |
1.7865 |
0.03061 |
665 |
293 |
221 |
151 |
7 |
You may feel a little prick. |
1.7850 |
0.01861 |
1679 |
707 |
626 |
346 |
8 |
Of course if you’d like to give the blood, urine and stool samples the usual way, that’s totally up to you. |
1.7737 |
0.01600 |
2497 |
1144 |
774 |
579 |
9 |
It’s usually non-invasive. |
1.7706 |
0.01292 |
3439 |
1472 |
1284 |
683 |
10 |
It's only surgery if I miss. |
1.7694 |
0.01467 |
2736 |
1194 |
981 |
562 |
11 |
Okay, now let’s recheck that blood pressure. |
1.7688 |
0.01650 |
2111 |
907 |
785 |
419 |
12 |
It cures all kinds of ailments. The last patient had constipation. No longer a problem. |
1.7658 |
0.01626 |
2387 |
1098 |
750 |
539 |
13 |
Okay, the hiccups are gone. Now let's talk about your anxiety. |
1.7644 |
0.01554 |
2402 |
1046 |
876 |
480 |
14 |
Your HMO said this is the only procedure covered under your plan. |
1.7593 |
0.01603 |
2410 |
1106 |
778 |
526 |
15 |
This should get those bowels moving. |
1.7552 |
0.02573 |
960 |
451 |
293 |
216 |
16 |
We've found it's a much more effective stress test than a treadmill. |
1.7536 |
0.01665 |
2143 |
965 |
741 |
437 |
17 |
Of course, with insurance you’d get a surgeon”. |
1.7426 |
0.02177 |
1255 |
576 |
426 |
253 |
18 |
If they land inside the outline, it's called acupuncture. |
1.7415 |
0.01845 |
1745 |
802 |
592 |
351 |
19 |
Statistically you should be fine. |
1.7408 |
0.01451 |
2670 |
1186 |
990 |
494 |
20 |
Your results may vary. |
1.7398 |
0.01477 |
2636 |
1188 |
945 |
503 |
21 |
Relax, I've done dozens of vasectomies. |
1.7381 |
0.02764 |
756 |
343 |
268 |
145 |
22 |
Perfect. Now let's get you anesthetized while I get my blindfold. |
1.7358 |
0.03236 |
583 |
275 |
187 |
121 |
23 |
As you can see, the chances for your survival are very, very good. |
1.7357 |
0.01473 |
2471 |
1075 |
974 |
422 |
24 |
First we outline the problem, now we pinpoint exactly where it is. |
1.7335 |
0.02440 |
953 |
431 |
345 |
177 |
25 |
Trust me. One way or another, this will stop your hiccups. |
1.7314 |
0.01641 |
2137 |
979 |
753 |
405 |
26 |
Just let me know if you feel a sharp pain. |
1.7262 |
0.01440 |
2736 |
1253 |
979 |
504 |
27 |
It says we should do no harm, but it doesn’t say we have to be boring about it. |
1.7248 |
0.01767 |
1915 |
908 |
626 |
381 |
28 |
Your hiccups are gone. |
1.7243 |
0.01507 |
2619 |
1239 |
863 |
517 |
29 |
Are we ready for your stress test, Mr. Henderson? |
1.7236 |
0.01742 |
1907 |
888 |
658 |
361 |
30 |
It's more "hit or miss" than other diagnostic tools. |
1.7233 |
0.01527 |
2436 |
1122 |
866 |
448 |
31 |
It could be inpatient, it could be outpatient. |
1.7233 |
0.01486 |
2750 |
1321 |
869 |
560 |
32 |
I can do your vasectomy between shows this afternoon. |
1.7213 |
0.01611 |
2361 |
1144 |
731 |
486 |
33 |
Most patients seem to prefer facing the wall |
1.7178 |
0.01470 |
2587 |
1191 |
935 |
461 |
34 |
I’m just going to do a quick check of your reflexes. |
1.7114 |
0.01531 |
2353 |
1086 |
860 |
407 |
35 |
There's nothing to worry about if you fasted as we asked. |
1.7070 |
0.03016 |
628 |
298 |
216 |
114 |
36 |
It's called a cardiac stress test. |
1.7059 |
0.01756 |
1826 |
861 |
641 |
324 |
37 |
Looks like you passed your stress test. |
1.7004 |
0.01900 |
1562 |
744 |
542 |
276 |
38 |
So far, I's say it's a minimally invasive procedure. |
1.6964 |
0.01811 |
1637 |
763 |
608 |
266 |
39 |
It's our latest cardiac stress test. |
1.6963 |
0.01490 |
2506 |
1193 |
881 |
432 |
40 |
Still have the hiccups? |
1.6958 |
0.01646 |
2045 |
972 |
723 |
350 |
41 |
You should buy a lottery ticket on your way home. |
1.6914 |
0.01651 |
2145 |
1060 |
687 |
398 |
42 |
In our double blind study we both close our eyes and hope for the best. |
1.6867 |
0.01623 |
2234 |
1117 |
700 |
417 |
43 |
Or we could do the treadmill test. |
1.6840 |
0.02745 |
674 |
311 |
265 |
98 |
44 |
Relax, Mr. Cunningham. What's the worst that can happen? |
1.6781 |
0.02916 |
640 |
310 |
226 |
104 |
45 |
If I'm paying for malpractice insurance, I'm using it. |
1.6766 |
0.02210 |
1172 |
586 |
379 |
207 |
46 |
Still got those hiccups? |
1.6610 |
0.01722 |
1891 |
959 |
614 |
318 |
47 |
We’ve had trouble finding your vein. |
1.6580 |
0.01775 |
1956 |
1051 |
523 |
382 |
48 |
And you thought the prostate exam was the worst part of this visit. |
1.6557 |
0.01723 |
1882 |
961 |
608 |
313 |
49 |
You shouldn’t feel a thing. |
1.6536 |
0.01831 |
1957 |
1098 |
439 |
420 |
50 |
Or I could refer you to a specialist. |
1.6456 |
0.02127 |
1236 |
642 |
390 |
204 |
51 |
It's noninvasive as long as I don't miss. |
1.6415 |
0.01899 |
1537 |
800 |
488 |
249 |
52 |
Sometimes it's inaccupuncture. |
1.6408 |
0.01954 |
1481 |
780 |
453 |
248 |
53 |
Trust me, you will be missed. |
1.6377 |
0.02047 |
1405 |
760 |
394 |
251 |
54 |
Everyone gets better at this point. |
1.6368 |
0.02006 |
1382 |
726 |
432 |
224 |
55 |
My heart patients asked for a quick stress test without the treadmill. |
1.6316 |
0.02352 |
923 |
468 |
327 |
128 |
56 |
See, you have nothing to worry about. |
1.6304 |
0.03177 |
533 |
278 |
174 |
81 |
57 |
Let’s take a stab at a diagnosis |
1.6274 |
0.02092 |
1256 |
666 |
392 |
198 |
58 |
Now, let's check that blood pressure... |
1.6235 |
0.02201 |
1150 |
618 |
347 |
185 |
59 |
It’s what your insurance paid for. |
1.6210 |
0.02212 |
1116 |
596 |
347 |
173 |
60 |
Don't worry Kevin, this is how all Speakers get elected. |
1.6206 |
0.02316 |
1115 |
625 |
288 |
202 |
61 |
And THAT was with my left hand. |
1.6190 |
0.02255 |
1042 |
550 |
339 |
153 |
62 |
Now let me show you what happens when you go out of network. |
1.6158 |
0.02407 |
1036 |
586 |
262 |
188 |
63 |
It's usually a noninvasive procedure |
1.6128 |
0.02236 |
1077 |
579 |
336 |
162 |
64 |
Your prognosis ... it's hit or miss. |
1.6076 |
0.02440 |
976 |
550 |
259 |
167 |
65 |
I think you'll find that "going under the knife" has a different meaning for my patients. |
1.6060 |
0.02415 |
906 |
488 |
287 |
131 |
66 |
It's a new colonoscopy prep technique where we literally scare the crap out of you. |
1.6050 |
0.02585 |
919 |
535 |
212 |
172 |
67 |
Sure-fire cure for constipation. |
1.6046 |
0.02460 |
956 |
540 |
254 |
162 |
68 |
You won't feel a thing. Probably. |
1.6042 |
0.02378 |
902 |
479 |
301 |
122 |
69 |
Statistically speaking, you'll be fine. |
1.5998 |
0.02539 |
832 |
456 |
253 |
123 |
70 |
Constipated? This always works. |
1.5984 |
0.02618 |
854 |
490 |
217 |
147 |
71 |
As you can see I’m board certified in external medicine. |
1.5953 |
0.02580 |
855 |
486 |
229 |
140 |
72 |
Our treatments are cutting edge. |
1.5952 |
0.02643 |
798 |
449 |
223 |
126 |
73 |
And that is how we cure chronic constipation. |
1.5946 |
0.02623 |
846 |
487 |
215 |
144 |
74 |
This is where we test your nervous system. |
1.5922 |
0.02512 |
792 |
425 |
265 |
102 |
75 |
If all goes well it’s a quick procedure. |
1.5916 |
0.02661 |
742 |
408 |
229 |
105 |
76 |
As with any other sensitive diagnostic test, we are going to ask you to stand very still. |
1.5910 |
0.02617 |
802 |
451 |
228 |
123 |
77 |
Now, we’re just going to give you a simple incontinence test. |
1.5878 |
0.02592 |
871 |
508 |
214 |
149 |
78 |
I guarantee it'll cure your hiccups. |
1.5872 |
0.02598 |
751 |
409 |
243 |
99 |
79 |
We try not to think of it as going "under the knife"... |
1.5864 |
0.02593 |
810 |
457 |
231 |
122 |
80 |
Surgery was a success,we were able to remove the entire aura |
1.5864 |
0.02781 |
718 |
409 |
197 |
112 |
81 |
I think your tremors are more controllable than we thought. |
1.5863 |
0.02750 |
672 |
367 |
216 |
89 |
82 |
Right after this next test, we'll take your blood pressure. |
1.5837 |
0.02825 |
711 |
411 |
185 |
115 |
83 |
Do you have any metal allergies? |
1.5826 |
0.02772 |
642 |
348 |
214 |
80 |
84 |
Don’t know. He left before I finished. |
1.5797 |
0.06240 |
138 |
78 |
40 |
20 |
85 |
We are at the cutting-edge of non-evasive procedures. |
1.5793 |
0.02900 |
675 |
393 |
173 |
109 |
86 |
You'll need to take a wide stance for the vasectomy |
1.5788 |
0.02749 |
755 |
441 |
191 |
123 |
87 |
Trust me: This treatment will cure your constipation. |
1.5788 |
0.02839 |
698 |
405 |
182 |
111 |
88 |
All procedures have risks, but you will get over the hiccups. |
1.5787 |
0.02761 |
667 |
369 |
210 |
88 |
89 |
Now let’s have a look at those reflexes, shall we? |
1.5778 |
0.02794 |
649 |
359 |
205 |
85 |
90 |
This is what your insurance covers. |
1.5776 |
0.02920 |
651 |
376 |
174 |
101 |
91 |
You're right, this shows nothing about how many hit the actual target. |
1.5753 |
0.02844 |
657 |
373 |
190 |
94 |
92 |
Of course you’ll be strapped to a spinning wheel during the actual procedure. |
1.5743 |
0.02957 |
693 |
420 |
148 |
125 |
93 |
So those are the parts your insurance covers… |
1.5717 |
0.03086 |
614 |
367 |
143 |
104 |
94 |
I've never lost a patient. |
1.5707 |
0.02929 |
580 |
322 |
185 |
73 |
95 |
See? Told you I was precise. Now get back up there for the vasectomy. |
1.5707 |
0.05374 |
191 |
111 |
51 |
29 |
96 |
Don't turn your head or cough. |
1.5690 |
0.02765 |
659 |
369 |
205 |
85 |
97 |
As you can see, you have nothing to be worried about. |
1.5686 |
0.02838 |
605 |
334 |
198 |
73 |
98 |
That's enough warm-up. Let'a head on in to the O.R. |
1.5670 |
0.03129 |
575 |
340 |
144 |
91 |
99 |
You passed the anxiety test. |
1.5627 |
0.02944 |
558 |
310 |
182 |
66 |
100 |
So you see, I’ve performed this procedure several times with good result. |
1.5618 |
0.02965 |
550 |
306 |
179 |
65 |
101 |
Your HMO approved this test first. |
1.5601 |
0.03025 |
541 |
305 |
169 |
67 |
102 |
The Phase II trial will be double-blind. |
1.5577 |
0.03145 |
572 |
344 |
137 |
91 |
103 |
This is a test of your emergency response system.” |
1.5550 |
0.03342 |
582 |
376 |
89 |
117 |
104 |
Trust me now? |
1.5545 |
0.03110 |
514 |
293 |
157 |
64 |
105 |
Yes, for this particular procedure I do recommend general anesthesia. |
1.5542 |
0.03092 |
554 |
325 |
151 |
78 |
106 |
There's always a first time, of course." |
1.5526 |
0.02923 |
523 |
286 |
185 |
52 |
107 |
Now lets check your reflexes. |
1.5514 |
0.03035 |
555 |
322 |
160 |
73 |
108 |
You'll find the fear will kill the pain. |
1.5512 |
0.03187 |
508 |
296 |
144 |
68 |
109 |
It tests for obesity. |
1.5511 |
0.03365 |
499 |
303 |
117 |
79 |
110 |
Odds are, you won't feel a thing. |
1.5498 |
0.03204 |
502 |
293 |
142 |
67 |
111 |
Relax, I'm board-certified. |
1.5490 |
0.03107 |
541 |
318 |
149 |
74 |
112 |
Well, we can rule out paranoia. |
1.5489 |
0.03101 |
532 |
310 |
152 |
70 |
113 |
We find that it's the quickest way to get a stool sample. |
1.5455 |
0.03423 |
506 |
317 |
102 |
87 |
114 |
It’s how I build trust with my patients. |
1.5424 |
0.03185 |
448 |
251 |
151 |
46 |
115 |
We’ve found this is an effective way to establish a elevated blood pressure baseline |
1.5421 |
0.03214 |
463 |
265 |
145 |
53 |
116 |
It's the latest in stress tests. |
1.5421 |
0.03217 |
487 |
285 |
140 |
62 |
117 |
Just stand up against the wall and tell me where it hurts. |
1.5412 |
0.03178 |
473 |
271 |
148 |
54 |
118 |
It should take care of your hiccups at the very least. |
1.5404 |
0.03121 |
507 |
295 |
150 |
62 |
119 |
OK,now I've warmed up I think I am ready to go with your surgery. |
1.5396 |
0.03171 |
480 |
277 |
147 |
56 |
120 |
Correct. Within a minute of standing against the wall, this procedure will have both your prostate and bowel working again |
1.5393 |
0.03577 |
458 |
288 |
93 |
77 |
121 |
If all goes well, you'll just notice a few side effects. |
1.5391 |
0.03192 |
447 |
252 |
149 |
46 |
122 |
Odds are, you are going to make it. |
1.5383 |
0.03286 |
444 |
256 |
137 |
51 |
123 |
This is what the high deductible plan covers.” |
1.5374 |
0.03410 |
441 |
262 |
121 |
58 |
124 |
Remember that thing you signed while you were waiting to come in…? |
1.5373 |
0.03255 |
469 |
275 |
136 |
58 |
125 |
The point is to scare the tumor to death. |
1.5369 |
0.03374 |
434 |
254 |
127 |
53 |
126 |
Let's do something about your dangerously low blood pressure. |
1.5360 |
0.03363 |
472 |
286 |
119 |
67 |
127 |
This is what is covered under your HMO. |
1.5358 |
0.03197 |
517 |
312 |
133 |
72 |
128 |
Of course, you'll want to stand very still while I outline your procedure. |
1.5353 |
0.03392 |
439 |
260 |
123 |
56 |
129 |
If I slip up, the procedure is free. |
1.5345 |
0.03254 |
464 |
272 |
136 |
56 |
130 |
By comparison, your upcoming surgery is not nearly as risky. |
1.5342 |
0.03320 |
438 |
255 |
132 |
51 |
131 |
Don't worry, it's just a routine surgery. I've done this a million times with my eyes closed. |
1.5333 |
0.03330 |
450 |
266 |
128 |
56 |
132 |
They call it non-invasive surgery. |
1.5322 |
0.03168 |
481 |
281 |
144 |
56 |
133 |
No, you won't feel any pain, unless you flinch. |
1.5312 |
0.03383 |
416 |
242 |
127 |
47 |
134 |
I can’t promise to cure you, but I’m willing to take a stab at it. |
1.5306 |
0.03301 |
458 |
272 |
129 |
57 |
135 |
Or, we could try medication. |
1.5297 |
0.03486 |
421 |
253 |
113 |
55 |
136 |
I like to warm up a little bit before the operation. |
1.5283 |
0.03390 |
460 |
281 |
115 |
64 |
137 |
Tell me when it hurts. |
1.5281 |
0.03496 |
409 |
244 |
114 |
51 |
138 |
In Canada this is free. |
1.5278 |
0.03564 |
396 |
237 |
109 |
50 |
139 |
There is a reason why we call it a "practice." |
1.5277 |
0.03238 |
470 |
279 |
134 |
57 |
140 |
And after, the surgery itself won't feel as scary. |
1.5272 |
0.03294 |
404 |
229 |
137 |
38 |
141 |
Relax, I've done thousands of circumcisions. |
1.5271 |
0.03525 |
442 |
275 |
101 |
66 |
142 |
You'll be my first vasectomy. |
1.5269 |
0.03575 |
427 |
265 |
99 |
63 |
143 |
Our colon cleanse method is 100% guaranteed effective. |
1.5269 |
0.03776 |
391 |
245 |
86 |
60 |
144 |
Face forward, or not? Your choice. |
1.5263 |
0.03254 |
456 |
269 |
134 |
53 |
145 |
Hey, I’m a Doctor not a magician.
Well, not any more. |
1.5257 |
0.03392 |
409 |
239 |
125 |
45 |
146 |
I can see why you’re getting a second opinion |
1.5245 |
0.03242 |
429 |
247 |
139 |
43 |
147 |
You seem nervous, but no need to worry. You can keep your gown on. |
1.5244 |
0.03405 |
389 |
224 |
126 |
39 |
148 |
That's all your HMO would cover. |
1.5243 |
0.03320 |
452 |
271 |
125 |
56 |
149 |
Not bad for an honorary doctorate, eh? |
1.5221 |
0.03586 |
385 |
231 |
107 |
47 |
150 |
You’ll be my first circumcision! |
1.5216 |
0.03477 |
464 |
294 |
98 |
72 |
151 |
You might feel a wee tinkle.” |
1.5188 |
0.03821 |
426 |
284 |
63 |
79 |
152 |
This should take care of your constipation. |
1.5160 |
0.03818 |
374 |
236 |
83 |
55 |
153 |
Your incision will be approximately four inches in from where I throw my knife. It's called exploratory surgery. |
1.5157 |
0.03683 |
382 |
236 |
95 |
51 |
154 |
Like I said - it's a tricky procedure. |
1.5157 |
0.03392 |
415 |
248 |
120 |
47 |
155 |
Your insurance doesn't cover this. Neither does mine. |
1.5156 |
0.03514 |
417 |
257 |
105 |
55 |
156 |
It was tricky, but we managed to completely remove your toxic aura |
1.5137 |
0.03671 |
401 |
253 |
90 |
58 |
157 |
It should be a minimally invasive procedure. |
1.5130 |
0.03594 |
384 |
234 |
103 |
47 |
158 |
Now for a little bloodwork. |
1.5129 |
0.03509 |
388 |
233 |
111 |
44 |
159 |
I know you're in a hospital gown, but I suggest facing in. |
1.5127 |
0.03834 |
355 |
221 |
86 |
48 |
160 |
Are you an organ donor? |
1.5121 |
0.03594 |
373 |
225 |
105 |
43 |
161 |
Tell you what - if I miss, I'll do the surgery for free |
1.5121 |
0.03731 |
373 |
232 |
91 |
50 |
162 |
We’re going to try something new. |
1.5115 |
0.03785 |
348 |
213 |
92 |
43 |
163 |
As you can see, Dr. Nigel is a pro. Unfortunately he's out toady. |
1.5114 |
0.03555 |
395 |
242 |
104 |
49 |
164 |
Believe me, this produces better results than any enema can give. |
1.5106 |
0.03651 |
376 |
231 |
98 |
47 |
165 |
Now that you have passed the pre-op stress test,
we can proceed. |
1.5105 |
0.03505 |
380 |
227 |
112 |
41 |
166 |
Don't worry, it's minimally invasive. |
1.5098 |
0.03797 |
357 |
222 |
88 |
47 |
167 |
Actually, don’t cough. |
1.5096 |
0.03403 |
416 |
252 |
116 |
48 |
168 |
I'm still not sure what's causing your anxiety, but I'm happy to take another stab at it. |
1.5088 |
0.03546 |
399 |
246 |
103 |
50 |
169 |
Previous trials show it’s perfectly safe. |
1.5087 |
0.03667 |
346 |
207 |
102 |
37 |
170 |
And if I miss, we're already at the hospital. |
1.5084 |
0.03809 |
358 |
224 |
86 |
48 |
171 |
Next we will be testing your reflex control. |
1.5076 |
0.03829 |
329 |
200 |
91 |
38 |
172 |
Suddenly, that old prostate exam doesn’t seem so bad after all, eh? |
1.5073 |
0.03543 |
410 |
256 |
100 |
54 |
173 |
It’s our quickest colonoscopy prep yet. |
1.5072 |
0.04027 |
347 |
225 |
68 |
54 |
174 |
Relax, this is a noninvasive procedure. |
1.5064 |
0.03601 |
391 |
243 |
98 |
50 |
175 |
I've done this so many times I'm now doing it blindfolded. |
1.5043 |
0.03810 |
345 |
214 |
88 |
43 |
176 |
We'll take your blood pressure readings before and after this. |
1.5042 |
0.03813 |
355 |
223 |
85 |
47 |
177 |
It’s non-invasive. If we do it right. |
1.5031 |
0.03671 |
324 |
191 |
103 |
30 |
178 |
Just one left. Where do you want it? |
1.5030 |
0.03770 |
336 |
205 |
93 |
38 |
179 |
Shall we proceed with the vasectomy? |
1.5029 |
0.03867 |
346 |
218 |
82 |
46 |
180 |
It's the quickest way to obtain a urine sample |
1.5028 |
0.03778 |
362 |
228 |
86 |
48 |
181 |
I guarantee this will cure your constipation. |
1.5015 |
0.04152 |
327 |
214 |
62 |
51 |
182 |
We wouldn't have to do it this way if you had better insurance. |
1.5000 |
0.03828 |
332 |
205 |
88 |
39 |
183 |
It'll still be less painful for you than dealing with your insurance. |
1.5000 |
0.03647 |
374 |
233 |
95 |
46 |
184 |
See? Absolutely nothing to worry about. |
1.5000 |
0.03851 |
318 |
194 |
89 |
35 |
185 |
Now, you may feel a slight prick. |
1.4986 |
0.03686 |
355 |
219 |
95 |
41 |
186 |
This ensures that you hold still. |
1.4986 |
0.03651 |
351 |
214 |
99 |
38 |
187 |
Stand over there again - I have one more test to run |
1.4971 |
0.03889 |
346 |
221 |
78 |
47 |
188 |
It's really hit or miss. |
1.4969 |
0.03953 |
318 |
199 |
80 |
39 |
189 |
That's for mole removal. The vasectomy wall is one room down. |
1.4957 |
0.03842 |
349 |
222 |
81 |
46 |
190 |
The procedure has a high rate of success for those suffering from constipation |
1.4955 |
0.03941 |
335 |
214 |
76 |
45 |
191 |
You may feel a slight sting. |
1.4955 |
0.03559 |
335 |
198 |
108 |
29 |
192 |
Well, we've ruled out fear of knives. |
1.4951 |
0.03843 |
307 |
186 |
90 |
31 |
193 |
Tesla would kill for this kind of success rate |
1.4951 |
0.03833 |
305 |
184 |
91 |
30 |
194 |
We’ll properly dispose of any contaminated sharps. |
1.4935 |
0.03834 |
308 |
187 |
90 |
31 |
195 |
...well, I put myself through medical school by working in the circus. |
1.4931 |
0.03667 |
363 |
227 |
93 |
43 |
196 |
Are your hiccups gone now? |
1.4916 |
0.03747 |
358 |
227 |
86 |
45 |
197 |
. . . and now we'll try it left-handed. |
1.4914 |
0.04055 |
291 |
181 |
77 |
33 |
198 |
Your actual procedure will be a little bit different. This is just an outline of my method. |
1.4911 |
0.03869 |
338 |
215 |
80 |
43 |
199 |
I'm trying a new approach to treating urinary retention! |
1.4911 |
0.03863 |
336 |
213 |
81 |
42 |
200 |
It’s a matter of knife or death. |
1.4907 |
0.03873 |
324 |
203 |
83 |
38 |
201 |
Let me explain approximately where the incision will be... |
1.4899 |
0.03651 |
345 |
212 |
97 |
36 |
202 |
Do you want to face forward or backward? |
1.4885 |
0.03889 |
305 |
188 |
85 |
32 |
203 |
The insurance companies make us do this. |
1.4870 |
0.03969 |
308 |
194 |
78 |
36 |
204 |
One more test, to find how much sedation you'll need. |
1.4858 |
0.04088 |
282 |
176 |
75 |
31 |
205 |
Of course, past results do not guarantee future performance. |
1.4855 |
0.03914 |
311 |
195 |
81 |
35 |
206 |
This is the only form of acupuncture covered by your insurance. |
1.4830 |
0.03930 |
323 |
207 |
76 |
40 |
207 |
...or you can get the vaccine. |
1.4824 |
0.04075 |
313 |
204 |
67 |
42 |
208 |
This probably won't hurt a bit. |
1.4823 |
0.03994 |
282 |
174 |
80 |
28 |
209 |
Of course, if you have insurance it's a different game entirely. |
1.4821 |
0.04084 |
307 |
199 |
68 |
40 |
210 |
It's better than acupuncture and more fun, at least for me. |
1.4815 |
0.04122 |
270 |
168 |
74 |
28 |
211 |
I could do this blindfolded. |
1.4810 |
0.03815 |
316 |
197 |
86 |
33 |
212 |
Who said surgery can't contain an element of fun? |
1.4791 |
0.03989 |
263 |
159 |
82 |
22 |
213 |
See? I told you it wouldn't hurt a bit. |
1.4789 |
0.04119 |
261 |
161 |
75 |
25 |
214 |
It's the most effective treatment for constipation. |
1.4784 |
0.04040 |
324 |
214 |
65 |
45 |
215 |
Now that's what I call cutting edge medical care. |
1.4778 |
0.03970 |
316 |
204 |
73 |
39 |
216 |
We had some fun when you were under anesthesia. |
1.4772 |
0.04086 |
285 |
181 |
72 |
32 |
217 |
That’s why they call it a medical “practice”. |
1.4767 |
0.04018 |
300 |
192 |
73 |
35 |
218 |
I suggest you lose weight. My aim isn't what it used to be. |
1.4764 |
0.04087 |
254 |
155 |
77 |
22 |
219 |
If we call it a stress test it's covered by insurance. |
1.4762 |
0.04224 |
252 |
157 |
70 |
25 |
220 |
See my aim is pretty good. Now let’s just finish this one last throw between the legs. |
1.4749 |
0.04000 |
299 |
191 |
74 |
34 |
221 |
Don't turn your head left to cough |
1.4737 |
0.03783 |
304 |
188 |
88 |
28 |
222 |
Anyone you’d like to call before we start? |
1.4729 |
0.04140 |
277 |
177 |
69 |
31 |
223 |
The anesthesiologist should be here shortly |
1.4729 |
0.04044 |
277 |
174 |
75 |
28 |
224 |
So tell me why you’d prefer laser surgery. |
1.4724 |
0.04162 |
254 |
158 |
72 |
24 |
225 |
Your aura is dead |
1.4717 |
0.04377 |
265 |
174 |
57 |
34 |
226 |
You're actually my first live patient. |
1.4713 |
0.03910 |
314 |
202 |
76 |
36 |
227 |
Treadmill’s down. Three throws should get you to 160. |
1.4710 |
0.04151 |
276 |
177 |
68 |
31 |
228 |
I enjoy this more when I dress up as a doctor. |
1.4708 |
0.04268 |
274 |
179 |
61 |
34 |
229 |
It's standing operating procedure. |
1.4695 |
0.04070 |
262 |
163 |
75 |
24 |
230 |
Of course, you’ll be wearing sequins during the actual procedure. |
1.4694 |
0.03962 |
294 |
187 |
76 |
31 |
231 |
During Covid we developed socially distanced surgery. |
1.4692 |
0.04070 |
292 |
189 |
69 |
34 |
232 |
Odd, that almost always solves constipation. Not to worry, I have one last procedure." |
1.4669 |
0.04162 |
272 |
175 |
67 |
30 |
233 |
One moment while the anesthesiologist loads his quiver. |
1.4664 |
0.04371 |
268 |
178 |
55 |
35 |
234 |
It’s the latest therapy for facing and overcoming anxieties, and it’s noninvasive…in most cases. |
1.4662 |
0.04197 |
266 |
171 |
66 |
29 |
235 |
As you can see, we're getting closer to a diagnosis. |
1.4659 |
0.04011 |
264 |
164 |
77 |
23 |
236 |
But my true passion is urology. |
1.4644 |
0.04265 |
239 |
150 |
67 |
22 |
237 |
I like to work my way in. |
1.4641 |
0.03988 |
237 |
142 |
80 |
15 |
238 |
It helps if you face the wall. |
1.4640 |
0.04012 |
250 |
153 |
78 |
19 |
239 |
It's OK, my practice insurance covers this procedure. |
1.4631 |
0.04281 |
244 |
155 |
65 |
24 |
240 |
Let's take another stab at it. |
1.4625 |
0.04095 |
253 |
158 |
73 |
22 |
241 |
Most patients don’t feel a thing. |
1.4621 |
0.04045 |
264 |
166 |
74 |
24 |
242 |
As you can see, the procedure is noninvasive. |
1.4609 |
0.04172 |
256 |
163 |
68 |
25 |
243 |
You won't see a thing. I turn out the lights first. |
1.4607 |
0.04317 |
267 |
177 |
57 |
33 |
244 |
Looks good. Now let's do some internal medicine. |
1.4604 |
0.04069 |
265 |
168 |
72 |
25 |
245 |
I could do this procedure blindfolded. |
1.4600 |
0.04128 |
250 |
157 |
71 |
22 |
246 |
Your posture is important. |
1.4597 |
0.04191 |
248 |
157 |
68 |
23 |
247 |
Show me where you’d like it to hurt. |
1.4596 |
0.04143 |
235 |
145 |
72 |
18 |
248 |
Since I've been using this new technique, my patients have a 98% recovery rate. |
1.4593 |
0.03910 |
270 |
168 |
80 |
22 |
249 |
Well, at least I'm certified on this Board. |
1.4587 |
0.03873 |
303 |
195 |
77 |
31 |
250 |
Nothing wrong with your nervous system. |
1.4583 |
0.04008 |
264 |
166 |
75 |
23 |
251 |
I know it’s not perfect, but the British have to wait in longer lines. |
1.4581 |
0.04553 |
227 |
148 |
54 |
25 |
252 |
'I probably shouldn't be telling you this, but during the experiment you got the placebo knives.' |
1.4575 |
0.04123 |
247 |
155 |
71 |
21 |
253 |
This procedure tends to cure constipation. |
1.4574 |
0.04233 |
282 |
189 |
57 |
36 |
254 |
It's how I limber up before the actual surgery! |
1.4568 |
0.04370 |
243 |
158 |
59 |
26 |
255 |
Or we can try the enema again. |
1.4563 |
0.04472 |
252 |
169 |
51 |
32 |
256 |
One more should do it. |
1.4562 |
0.04104 |
274 |
178 |
67 |
29 |
257 |
I worked my way through med school in a circus. |
1.4553 |
0.04313 |
235 |
150 |
63 |
22 |
258 |
We’re narrowing it down. |
1.4552 |
0.03964 |
268 |
169 |
76 |
23 |
259 |
Honestly...surgery like this is hit or miss |
1.4550 |
0.04493 |
222 |
143 |
57 |
22 |
260 |
This should get rid of your hiccups. |
1.4549 |
0.04181 |
255 |
164 |
66 |
25 |
261 |
Let’s try my Western-medicine adaptation of traditional Eastern Acupuncture! |
1.4545 |
0.04476 |
220 |
141 |
58 |
21 |
262 |
Not that it matters, but my church choir needs a soprano. |
1.4545 |
0.04384 |
264 |
178 |
52 |
34 |
263 |
Do you still want a second opinion? |
1.4542 |
0.04171 |
262 |
170 |
65 |
27 |
264 |
Well, enough practice |
1.4541 |
0.04552 |
218 |
141 |
55 |
22 |
265 |
I’ve never lost a patient. Just one nurse. |
1.4533 |
0.04420 |
214 |
135 |
61 |
18 |
266 |
This is the stress test covered by your insurance |
1.4525 |
0.04262 |
263 |
174 |
59 |
30 |
267 |
Guess where this one goes |
1.4524 |
0.04400 |
252 |
168 |
54 |
30 |
268 |
I can throw in circumcision at no charge. |
1.4523 |
0.04549 |
241 |
162 |
49 |
30 |
269 |
Thankfully you're well within the normal range |
1.4523 |
0.04315 |
241 |
156 |
61 |
24 |
270 |
It doesn't cure the cancer but it takes your mind off it. We also validate parking. |
1.4518 |
0.04578 |
228 |
151 |
51 |
26 |
271 |
This is going to take care of that constipation. |
1.4518 |
0.04493 |
228 |
149 |
55 |
24 |
272 |
All surgery is hit and miss. I’m just more honest about it. |
1.4513 |
0.04734 |
226 |
153 |
44 |
29 |
273 |
Think of it as acupuncture on steroids. |
1.4513 |
0.04522 |
226 |
148 |
54 |
24 |
274 |
I like to think of myself as an out of the box surgeon. |
1.4511 |
0.04436 |
235 |
154 |
56 |
25 |
275 |
Don't worry. It's done with surgical precision. |
1.4509 |
0.04058 |
275 |
179 |
68 |
28 |
276 |
Trust me,your hiccups will be gone |
1.4504 |
0.03916 |
262 |
164 |
78 |
20 |
277 |
Now will you trust me to perform the surgery? |
1.4502 |
0.04302 |
251 |
165 |
59 |
27 |
278 |
This makes it fun for everyone. |
1.4500 |
0.04566 |
220 |
144 |
53 |
23 |
279 |
I can do this procedure with my eyes closed. |
1.4494 |
0.04180 |
267 |
176 |
62 |
29 |
280 |
Unconventional, sure. But I guarantee it will relieve your constipation. |
1.4481 |
0.04585 |
241 |
164 |
46 |
31 |
281 |
yes, it's a little like acupuncture. |
1.4477 |
0.04257 |
239 |
154 |
63 |
22 |
282 |
This is the only test covered by your insurance. |
1.4472 |
0.04477 |
246 |
166 |
50 |
30 |
283 |
…, and there’s no co-pay with this type of imaging. |
1.4469 |
0.04387 |
226 |
146 |
59 |
21 |
284 |
Spread your legs a little. |
1.4449 |
0.04327 |
227 |
146 |
61 |
20 |
285 |
Sure we can do the surgery with a laser, but it's more expensive. |
1.4449 |
0.04210 |
236 |
151 |
65 |
20 |
286 |
We seem to have cured that nervous tic. |
1.4444 |
0.04673 |
207 |
136 |
50 |
21 |
287 |
You might feel a sharp pain." |
1.4439 |
0.04551 |
205 |
132 |
55 |
18 |
288 |
For this one, I’ll need you to lift your gown. |
1.4435 |
0.04377 |
239 |
158 |
56 |
25 |
289 |
Well, that’s one way to get a urine sample. |
1.4435 |
0.04105 |
230 |
144 |
70 |
16 |
290 |
Its this "grey area" that I specialize in. |
1.4434 |
0.04363 |
221 |
142 |
60 |
19 |
291 |
Tell me why you feel threatened. |
1.4417 |
0.04282 |
240 |
157 |
60 |
23 |
292 |
We call it “non-invasive” |
1.4412 |
0.04970 |
204 |
140 |
38 |
26 |
293 |
If you’ll stand inside the outline, I can get started. |
1.4410 |
0.04342 |
229 |
149 |
59 |
21 |
294 |
We’ll either hit the wall or your high deductible. |
1.4407 |
0.04537 |
236 |
160 |
48 |
28 |
295 |
Now, before we begin surgery, I need to know that you trust me. |
1.4405 |
0.04279 |
227 |
146 |
62 |
19 |
296 |
Think of it this way: it beats a chalk outline on the sidewalk. |
1.4402 |
0.04318 |
234 |
153 |
59 |
22 |
297 |
It’s a cutting edge procedure all right. |
1.4400 |
0.04683 |
200 |
131 |
50 |
19 |
298 |
As you know, this is a targeted treatment. |
1.4400 |
0.04519 |
200 |
128 |
56 |
16 |
299 |
Any other questions? I'm due in court. |
1.4396 |
0.04915 |
207 |
142 |
39 |
26 |
300 |
This is my earlier work. |
1.4395 |
0.04043 |
223 |
138 |
72 |
13 |
301 |
Not to worry — I’m board-certified. |
1.4394 |
0.04607 |
198 |
128 |
53 |
17 |
302 |
Your margins are clear. |
1.4390 |
0.04495 |
205 |
132 |
56 |
17 |
303 |
This will only hurt if you sneeze. |
1.4380 |
0.04005 |
242 |
153 |
72 |
17 |
304 |
Let me outline the procedure for you. |
1.4380 |
0.04281 |
258 |
174 |
55 |
29 |
305 |
We just took him off of knife support. |
1.4372 |
0.04270 |
247 |
164 |
58 |
25 |
306 |
Now for the stress test. |
1.4369 |
0.04531 |
206 |
134 |
54 |
18 |
307 |
You next checkup is in 6 months. You probably want to watch your weight. |
1.4363 |
0.04303 |
259 |
176 |
53 |
30 |
308 |
It's also a continence test. |
1.4356 |
0.04303 |
225 |
146 |
60 |
19 |
309 |
Do not turn and cough. |
1.4352 |
0.04380 |
216 |
140 |
58 |
18 |
310 |
This is our rapid colonoscopy prep. |
1.4352 |
0.04802 |
216 |
149 |
40 |
27 |
311 |
Our preliminary tests indicate you did not swallow a magnet. |
1.4352 |
0.04757 |
216 |
148 |
42 |
26 |
312 |
Believe me...I also wish you had better insurance. |
1.4348 |
0.04301 |
207 |
131 |
62 |
14 |
313 |
Don't worry, it's a non-invasive procedure. |
1.4337 |
0.04856 |
196 |
132 |
43 |
21 |
314 |
I don't send out billing reminders. |
1.4330 |
0.04628 |
224 |
153 |
45 |
26 |
315 |
As you can see this is a noninvasive surgery |
1.4330 |
0.04726 |
194 |
128 |
48 |
18 |
316 |
I’ve outlined the areas that your insurance covers. |
1.4330 |
0.04947 |
194 |
132 |
40 |
22 |
317 |
You may feel a slight poke. |
1.4328 |
0.04498 |
201 |
130 |
55 |
16 |
318 |
Honestly? This procedure's kind of hit or miss. |
1.4326 |
0.04138 |
215 |
135 |
67 |
13 |
319 |
See, no more hiccups! |
1.4324 |
0.05009 |
185 |
125 |
40 |
20 |
320 |
But first, a stress test. |
1.4322 |
0.04529 |
199 |
129 |
54 |
16 |
321 |
Before Johns Hopkins, I was pre-med at Barnum & Bailey. |
1.4317 |
0.04678 |
183 |
118 |
51 |
14 |
322 |
We are closing in on the problem. |
1.4314 |
0.04171 |
204 |
127 |
66 |
11 |
323 |
I worked in a carnival before med school. |
1.4313 |
0.04399 |
211 |
137 |
57 |
17 |
324 |
...of course, past performance is no guarantee of future results. |
1.4313 |
0.04977 |
211 |
149 |
33 |
29 |
325 |
It cures hiccups and constipation. |
1.4312 |
0.04349 |
218 |
142 |
58 |
18 |
326 |
My residency program was at Benihana's. |
1.4301 |
0.05071 |
193 |
134 |
35 |
24 |
327 |
It won’t cure you, but it’ll take your mind off it. |
1.4300 |
0.04342 |
200 |
127 |
60 |
13 |
328 |
Of course I'm board certified. |
1.4286 |
0.04358 |
224 |
148 |
56 |
20 |
329 |
Using that little hammer to test your reflexes is so last-century. |
1.4280 |
0.04393 |
243 |
166 |
50 |
27 |
330 |
It only hurts when you move. . . |
1.4265 |
0.04239 |
211 |
135 |
62 |
14 |
331 |
As promised, your constipation will soon be a thing of the past. |
1.4265 |
0.04547 |
211 |
141 |
50 |
20 |
332 |
Now do you trust me with your adult circumcision. |
1.4265 |
0.04607 |
204 |
136 |
49 |
19 |
333 |
Looks like we can rule out Parkinson’s. |
1.4263 |
0.04907 |
190 |
129 |
41 |
20 |
334 |
Students, Mr. Carlson is here for his vasectomy. |
1.4242 |
0.04348 |
231 |
155 |
54 |
22 |
335 |
Don't worry. I can do this blindfolded. |
1.4227 |
0.03963 |
220 |
138 |
71 |
11 |
336 |
You can leave your shoes and socks on. |
1.4225 |
0.04844 |
187 |
126 |
43 |
18 |
337 |
They use a different approach in the Urology department. |
1.4216 |
0.04603 |
204 |
137 |
48 |
19 |
338 |
Don't worry, you're one of the folks with GOOD insurance coverage. |
1.4213 |
0.04292 |
235 |
158 |
55 |
22 |
339 |
And then the one who comes closest without nicking the body gets to do the operation. |
1.4211 |
0.04903 |
190 |
130 |
40 |
20 |
340 |
This surgery is usually painless. |
1.4208 |
0.04528 |
202 |
134 |
51 |
17 |
341 |
It is ineffective, stupid and dangerous, but it's the only treatment your insurance provider, Dumbfuck Loser Circus Nerd Life & Casualty, will cover. |
1.4208 |
0.05042 |
202 |
144 |
31 |
27 |
342 |
I knew we could get your heart rate up. |
1.4206 |
0.04447 |
214 |
143 |
52 |
19 |
343 |
Yes, a few patients have reported side effects. |
1.4203 |
0.04450 |
207 |
137 |
53 |
17 |
344 |
You may experience some discomfort. |
1.4192 |
0.04904 |
167 |
110 |
44 |
13 |
345 |
It’s cutting edge technology. |
1.4187 |
0.04617 |
203 |
137 |
47 |
19 |
346 |
On the other hand, you could take the vaccine. |
1.4181 |
0.05038 |
177 |
121 |
38 |
18 |
347 |
I'm concerned about your reflexes. You didn't catch a single knife. |
1.4176 |
0.05117 |
182 |
127 |
34 |
21 |
348 |
Good news! It’s only invasive if you move. |
1.4176 |
0.04748 |
182 |
121 |
46 |
15 |
349 |
Now we'll test your reflexes. |
1.4174 |
0.04189 |
218 |
142 |
61 |
15 |
350 |
Wait. You have hands? |
1.4167 |
0.04953 |
168 |
112 |
42 |
14 |
351 |
Unfortunately, this is the best that your health insurance could offer. |
1.4158 |
0.04788 |
202 |
140 |
40 |
22 |
352 |
I have a perfect success rate at curing nervous disorders such as yours. |
1.4158 |
0.04544 |
190 |
125 |
51 |
14 |
353 |
Your insurance only covers twelve tries. |
1.4154 |
0.04220 |
195 |
124 |
61 |
10 |
354 |
I find that it’s the surest cure for constipation. |
1.4152 |
0.04960 |
171 |
115 |
41 |
15 |
355 |
I did my residency at Ringling. |
1.4150 |
0.04770 |
200 |
138 |
41 |
21 |
356 |
Don't worry - this is cutting edge technology |
1.4150 |
0.04609 |
200 |
135 |
47 |
18 |
357 |
Some experts say: "Past performances cannot predict the future |
1.4143 |
0.04552 |
210 |
143 |
47 |
20 |
358 |
It’ll be over in seconds.” |
1.4131 |
0.04200 |
213 |
139 |
60 |
14 |
359 |
Only if a laxative doesn't do the trick |
1.4127 |
0.04971 |
189 |
132 |
36 |
21 |
360 |
Didn't you read the consent form when you volunteered for the study? |
1.4125 |
0.04967 |
160 |
106 |
42 |
12 |
361 |
Of course you'll be on a spinning wheel for the actual procedure. |
1.4123 |
0.04682 |
211 |
147 |
41 |
23 |
362 |
Side effects are very rare and include abdominal pain, headaches, dizziness, agitation, fatigue, and death. |
1.4121 |
0.05085 |
165 |
112 |
38 |
15 |
363 |
In addition to medical school, I performed with Cirque du Soleil for five years. |
1.4121 |
0.04568 |
199 |
134 |
48 |
17 |
364 |
This is when you might reconsider and ask for a second opinion |
1.4118 |
0.05250 |
170 |
119 |
32 |
19 |
365 |
Funny, but a lot of my patients choose to revisit their insurance plans before treatment... |
1.4118 |
0.04379 |
204 |
135 |
54 |
15 |
366 |
I did my residency in Vegas. |
1.4115 |
0.04567 |
192 |
128 |
49 |
15 |
367 |
This is what you get with an advantage plan. |
1.4112 |
0.04711 |
197 |
135 |
43 |
19 |
368 |
Don’t worry, we’ll both be blindfolded. |
1.4103 |
0.04338 |
195 |
127 |
56 |
12 |
369 |
Now let’s check your pulse. |
1.4103 |
0.05053 |
156 |
104 |
40 |
12 |
370 |
Time for your stress test. |
1.4096 |
0.04571 |
188 |
125 |
49 |
14 |
371 |
Next, we'll be checking your reflexes. |
1.4095 |
0.04548 |
210 |
144 |
46 |
20 |
372 |
Please step over to the wall so I can test your blood pressure. |
1.4093 |
0.04422 |
215 |
146 |
50 |
19 |
373 |
We can also do an MRI. |
1.4088 |
0.04822 |
181 |
123 |
42 |
16 |
374 |
The ones you see are not the problem. |
1.4086 |
0.04667 |
186 |
125 |
46 |
15 |
375 |
And when we’re done, your hiccups will be cured. |
1.4080 |
0.04892 |
174 |
118 |
41 |
15 |
376 |
I Told Him A Dozen Times To Stop Flinching |
1.4080 |
0.04892 |
174 |
118 |
41 |
15 |
377 |
We find this very effective in helping patients pass kidney stones. |
1.4070 |
0.04931 |
172 |
117 |
40 |
15 |
378 |
Always a first time. |
1.4070 |
0.05264 |
172 |
122 |
30 |
20 |
379 |
I know it's a bit unorthodox, but I've found that most patients declare they are cured after one treatment! |
1.4068 |
0.04962 |
177 |
122 |
38 |
17 |
380 |
This is the only cardiac stress test your health insurance will cover. |
1.4068 |
0.04831 |
177 |
120 |
42 |
15 |
381 |
I'm not a specialist, but I'll take a stab at it |
1.4062 |
0.04907 |
192 |
135 |
36 |
21 |
382 |
…and that’s how we test anti anxiety medication. |
1.4057 |
0.05068 |
175 |
122 |
35 |
18 |
383 |
And your hiccups will be gone in no time. |
1.4053 |
0.04773 |
190 |
131 |
41 |
18 |
384 |
Are you still constipated? |
1.4046 |
0.04908 |
173 |
118 |
40 |
15 |
385 |
As you can see,this does not have to be an invasive procedure. |
1.4046 |
0.04908 |
173 |
118 |
40 |
15 |
386 |
It's how I unwind after a long day in surgery..... |
1.4045 |
0.04676 |
178 |
119 |
46 |
13 |
387 |
the first twelve are easy |
1.4040 |
0.04346 |
198 |
131 |
54 |
13 |
388 |
Appendectomies really are a game of chance... |
1.4037 |
0.04776 |
161 |
106 |
45 |
10 |
389 |
I told you it wasn't invasive. |
1.4033 |
0.04687 |
181 |
122 |
45 |
14 |
390 |
So for your type of insurance we'll have to go with this procedure. |
1.4032 |
0.04904 |
186 |
130 |
37 |
19 |
391 |
Now that I've outlined the procedure, do you have any questions? |
1.4032 |
0.04535 |
186 |
124 |
49 |
13 |
392 |
It's the only stress test your insurance will cover. |
1.4024 |
0.05263 |
169 |
120 |
30 |
19 |
393 |
I was with the circus prior to taking up surgery |
1.4021 |
0.04546 |
189 |
127 |
48 |
14 |
394 |
I honestly can’t believe I missed 12 times. |
1.4021 |
0.04866 |
194 |
137 |
36 |
21 |
395 |
I think you’ll fit right in. |
1.4020 |
0.04387 |
199 |
133 |
52 |
14 |
396 |
And just like that...your hiccups are gone! |
1.4012 |
0.05127 |
172 |
121 |
33 |
18 |
397 |
Try again. Where exactly is this stabbing pain you’re feeling? |
1.4011 |
0.04919 |
182 |
127 |
37 |
18 |
398 |
It's not a surgical theater - more of a big top. |
1.4011 |
0.04579 |
187 |
126 |
47 |
14 |
399 |
Oh, come on. You only have a month to live. |
1.4010 |
0.04969 |
197 |
142 |
31 |
24 |
400 |
It's noninvasive surgery. |
1.4000 |
0.05189 |
175 |
125 |
30 |
20 |
401 |
You can keep the gown on this time. |
1.4000 |
0.04791 |
160 |
106 |
44 |
10 |
402 |
Fortunately, your insurance covers my blindfold. |
1.4000 |
0.05351 |
150 |
104 |
32 |
14 |
403 |
Allow me to outline the procedure. |
1.4000 |
0.04738 |
185 |
127 |
42 |
16 |
404 |
This will be my first vasectomy. |
1.3989 |
0.04836 |
183 |
127 |
39 |
17 |
405 |
Never a dull moment is our motto. |
1.3987 |
0.04913 |
158 |
106 |
41 |
11 |
406 |
Honestly, though, it's not for testing *your* eyesight. |
1.3986 |
0.05316 |
148 |
102 |
33 |
13 |
407 |
I always need a few warmups before we go into the operating room. |
1.3977 |
0.04727 |
171 |
115 |
44 |
12 |
408 |
Like all medical procedures, this one is not without risk. |
1.3977 |
0.04799 |
171 |
116 |
42 |
13 |
409 |
What do you say we take a stab at it? |
1.3976 |
0.04900 |
166 |
113 |
40 |
13 |
410 |
Not to worry. My accuracy rate is 92.3 per cent. |
1.3970 |
0.04323 |
199 |
133 |
53 |
13 |
411 |
We're a learning hospital. |
1.3969 |
0.04518 |
194 |
132 |
47 |
15 |
412 |
Before we start - these are the spots your insurance covers |
1.3968 |
0.04840 |
189 |
133 |
37 |
19 |
413 |
Past performance may not be indicative of future results. |
1.3967 |
0.04996 |
184 |
131 |
33 |
20 |
414 |
I'll run a few more tests, but I think it's safe to say that anxiety isn't the problem. |
1.3966 |
0.04511 |
179 |
119 |
49 |
11 |
415 |
Think of it as Western acupuncture. |
1.3966 |
0.05013 |
174 |
122 |
35 |
17 |
416 |
I promise, your vasectomy will be completed before you even know what happened. |
1.3964 |
0.04981 |
169 |
117 |
37 |
15 |
417 |
I'm board certified. |
1.3963 |
0.05162 |
164 |
115 |
33 |
16 |
418 |
Relax, this procedure has a 95% survival rate. |
1.3952 |
0.04950 |
167 |
115 |
38 |
14 |
419 |
So, yes, I am good with a knife. |
1.3952 |
0.04950 |
167 |
115 |
38 |
14 |
420 |
You’re probably thinking to yourself “Why did I sign up for the high deductible plan?” |
1.3952 |
0.04649 |
167 |
111 |
46 |
10 |
421 |
If all goes well, it's an outpatient procedure! |
1.3951 |
0.04346 |
205 |
139 |
51 |
15 |
422 |
This helps all my patients get over their fear of needles. |
1.3951 |
0.04663 |
162 |
107 |
46 |
9 |
423 |
Stand there and we'll see if we can locate the source of the problem. |
1.3949 |
0.04930 |
157 |
106 |
40 |
11 |
424 |
Sorry, but this is the best medical assisted suicide option I can offer given your insurance. |
1.3947 |
0.04819 |
190 |
134 |
37 |
19 |
425 |
This is the best cure for constipation that I've ever seen. |
1.3946 |
0.04914 |
185 |
131 |
35 |
19 |
426 |
Ready for your auraectomy? |
1.3946 |
0.04669 |
185 |
127 |
43 |
15 |
427 |
Oh, it's just some modern art the hospital board commissioned. |
1.3943 |
0.04989 |
175 |
123 |
35 |
17 |
428 |
And now your vasectomy will be a piece of cake. |
1.3939 |
0.04730 |
198 |
140 |
38 |
20 |
429 |
The procedure isn't perfect, but it's all your insurance will cover. |
1.3938 |
0.04590 |
193 |
133 |
44 |
16 |
430 |
Trust me. They’re sterilized. |
1.3938 |
0.05400 |
160 |
115 |
27 |
18 |
431 |
Fortunately for you, I specialize in “external”medicine. |
1.3933 |
0.04662 |
178 |
121 |
44 |
13 |
432 |
The insurance wouldn't approve the gamma knife surgery. Here's what your plan covers |
1.3922 |
0.05265 |
153 |
107 |
32 |
14 |
433 |
Despite my flawless results, insurance won't cover this procedure. |
1.3920 |
0.04656 |
199 |
140 |
40 |
19 |
434 |
Tell me you don’t feel more alive. |
1.3918 |
0.05071 |
171 |
121 |
33 |
17 |
435 |
For this last one, you need to pull the gown up a little. |
1.3918 |
0.05003 |
171 |
120 |
35 |
16 |
436 |
Nine out of ten doctors miss |
1.3918 |
0.04799 |
194 |
138 |
36 |
20 |
437 |
Despite several attempts, the nurse was not able to draw blood. |
1.3916 |
0.05439 |
143 |
100 |
30 |
13 |
438 |
Surprisingly, your HMO actually covers this. |
1.3915 |
0.04656 |
189 |
131 |
42 |
16 |
439 |
It helps us get your stool sample. |
1.3913 |
0.04619 |
184 |
126 |
44 |
14 |
440 |
As you can see,our scans show that you are extremely lucky. |
1.3913 |
0.05075 |
161 |
112 |
35 |
14 |
441 |
Barnum and Bailey School of Medicine, why do you ask?? |
1.3913 |
0.05300 |
161 |
115 |
29 |
17 |
442 |
Of course there are other options, if you have insurance |
1.3907 |
0.05145 |
151 |
104 |
35 |
12 |
443 |
I’m terrible at drawing blood. |
1.3907 |
0.05557 |
151 |
109 |
25 |
17 |
444 |
So, how’s next Tuesday sound for the vasectomy? |
1.3906 |
0.04603 |
192 |
133 |
43 |
16 |
445 |
Wish I was that good with a scalpel. |
1.3905 |
0.04756 |
169 |
115 |
42 |
12 |
446 |
Come see me next week. I might have missed something. |
1.3905 |
0.05113 |
169 |
120 |
32 |
17 |
447 |
X-Rays show no indication of a stabbing pain.
Let's try an MRI. |
1.3904 |
0.04751 |
187 |
131 |
39 |
17 |
448 |
You may feel a small pinch. |
1.3902 |
0.05155 |
164 |
116 |
32 |
16 |
449 |
Your stress test looks good so far. |
1.3899 |
0.04629 |
159 |
105 |
46 |
8 |
450 |
Reflexes? Check. |
1.3895 |
0.04769 |
172 |
118 |
41 |
13 |
451 |
Of course, your insurance coverage will determine my accuracy. |
1.3893 |
0.05278 |
149 |
104 |
32 |
13 |
452 |
This should cure your hiccups. |
1.3892 |
0.04794 |
167 |
114 |
41 |
12 |
453 |
You might be my twin brother, but I still think I'm going to enjoy this. |
1.3892 |
0.04942 |
167 |
116 |
37 |
14 |
454 |
The next one might sting a little. |
1.3892 |
0.04718 |
167 |
113 |
43 |
11 |
455 |
It's the only bladder test covered by your health plan. |
1.3889 |
0.04445 |
198 |
136 |
47 |
15 |
456 |
You only have to go under the knife one more time. |
1.3889 |
0.04816 |
162 |
110 |
41 |
11 |
457 |
Don't worry. You can see I never miss. |
1.3889 |
0.04687 |
180 |
124 |
42 |
14 |
458 |
Yes, it’s usually a noninvasive procedure. |
1.3885 |
0.05084 |
157 |
109 |
35 |
13 |
459 |
No worries. I can perform this procedure blindfolded. |
1.3885 |
0.05163 |
157 |
110 |
33 |
14 |
460 |
Actually I work in billing. |
1.3885 |
0.05395 |
157 |
113 |
27 |
17 |
461 |
As long as you stay still, it's a totally non-invasive procedure just like the brochure promises. |
1.3885 |
0.04837 |
157 |
106 |
41 |
10 |
462 |
This should relieve your constipation. |
1.3882 |
0.04734 |
170 |
116 |
42 |
12 |
463 |
... and then we'll check your blood pressure. |
1.3882 |
0.04949 |
170 |
119 |
36 |
15 |
464 |
I do my best work with an audience and a blindfold. |
1.3882 |
0.04660 |
170 |
115 |
44 |
11 |
465 |
As you can see, I'm very good. Of course, if I miss, you'll get a full refund. |
1.3879 |
0.04908 |
165 |
114 |
38 |
13 |
466 |
I've been practicing, A LOT. |
1.3876 |
0.04586 |
178 |
121 |
45 |
12 |
467 |
As your medical insurance doesn't cover anesthetics, we need you to faint from fright. |
1.3875 |
0.05015 |
160 |
111 |
36 |
13 |
468 |
You’re taller than our last volunteer. |
1.3875 |
0.04855 |
160 |
109 |
40 |
11 |
469 |
Are you a betting man? |
1.3873 |
0.04881 |
142 |
94 |
41 |
7 |
470 |
Don't turn and don't cough. |
1.3871 |
0.04790 |
155 |
104 |
42 |
9 |
471 |
As your cardiologist, I recommend a stress test. |
1.3871 |
0.04702 |
155 |
103 |
44 |
8 |
472 |
We'll get started when my lovely assistant arrives. |
1.3869 |
0.04695 |
168 |
114 |
43 |
11 |
473 |
Yes that’s your ideal profile. At Weight Loss Clinic we have ways of encouraging our clients to reach their ideal profile. |
1.3869 |
0.05061 |
168 |
119 |
33 |
16 |
474 |
Barnum and Bailey University, why do you ask? |
1.3869 |
0.05061 |
168 |
119 |
33 |
16 |
475 |
Bet your hiccups are gone |
1.3867 |
0.04532 |
181 |
123 |
46 |
12 |
476 |
It's cutting edge treatment |
1.3867 |
0.04600 |
181 |
124 |
44 |
13 |
477 |
I’m also licensed to guess your weight. |
1.3867 |
0.04859 |
181 |
128 |
36 |
17 |
478 |
Do you mind if I also post the surgery to TikTok? |
1.3859 |
0.04738 |
184 |
129 |
39 |
16 |
479 |
You won't be missed. |
1.3855 |
0.04958 |
166 |
116 |
36 |
14 |
480 |
As you can see, it's really important that you lie still. |
1.3852 |
0.05562 |
135 |
95 |
28 |
12 |
481 |
You can tie the gown in the front if it makes you feel better. |
1.3851 |
0.04911 |
161 |
111 |
38 |
12 |
482 |
It’s cutting edge medicine. |
1.3851 |
0.04831 |
161 |
110 |
40 |
11 |
483 |
As you can see, your results are outstanding so far; we just need to run one more test. |
1.3851 |
0.04989 |
161 |
112 |
36 |
13 |
484 |
I specialize in minimally invasive surgery. |
1.3841 |
0.05474 |
138 |
97 |
29 |
12 |
485 |
Don't worry, this isn't my first vasectomy. |
1.3835 |
0.04425 |
206 |
144 |
45 |
17 |
486 |
We're not quite sure where the tumor is but I can take a stab at it. |
1.3833 |
0.04679 |
180 |
125 |
41 |
14 |
487 |
This is the one authorized by your insurance. |
1.3831 |
0.04978 |
154 |
106 |
37 |
11 |
488 |
We'll now test your reflexes in a fun new way. |
1.3829 |
0.04633 |
175 |
120 |
43 |
12 |
489 |
If you let me use an axe, I'll throw in a free vasectomy. |
1.3827 |
0.05116 |
162 |
115 |
32 |
15 |
490 |
Aren't you glad that this randomized controlled trial isn't double-blind? |
1.3827 |
0.05191 |
162 |
116 |
30 |
16 |
491 |
You might feel a slight sting. |
1.3819 |
0.05121 |
144 |
99 |
35 |
10 |
492 |
There is a definite pattern here. |
1.3818 |
0.04746 |
165 |
113 |
41 |
11 |
493 |
I've got one left. Where do you want it? |
1.3815 |
0.04879 |
173 |
122 |
36 |
15 |
494 |
I am Dr. George Santos and and I will be performing your vasectomy using my newly-developed painless technique. |
1.3815 |
0.05081 |
173 |
125 |
30 |
18 |
495 |
Well, George, we're going to test how that new incontinence medication is working. |
1.3813 |
0.05721 |
139 |
101 |
23 |
15 |
496 |
Well, the good news is you have no reflexes. |
1.3812 |
0.04724 |
181 |
127 |
39 |
15 |
497 |
I'd like to run one more test. |
1.3810 |
0.04762 |
168 |
116 |
40 |
12 |
498 |
100% board certified! |
1.3810 |
0.05404 |
147 |
105 |
28 |
14 |
499 |
Let me know if you feel anything. |
1.3810 |
0.05047 |
147 |
101 |
36 |
10 |
500 |
Yours will be the first between the legs. |
1.3810 |
0.04457 |
189 |
130 |
46 |
13 |
501 |
When's the last time you had a stress test? |
1.3807 |
0.04611 |
176 |
121 |
43 |
12 |
502 |
Sure, an MRI would be better but it's not in your network. |
1.3806 |
0.04946 |
134 |
89 |
39 |
6 |
503 |
Yes ,it is a bit like acupuncture. |
1.3804 |
0.04793 |
184 |
131 |
36 |
17 |
504 |
This new procedure is hit or miss. |
1.3801 |
0.04987 |
171 |
122 |
33 |
16 |
505 |
Totally cures constipation. |
1.3800 |
0.05324 |
150 |
107 |
29 |
14 |
506 |
Well Mr. Smith, are we ready for our Stress Test? |
1.3800 |
0.05650 |
150 |
111 |
21 |
18 |
507 |
We feel we're on the cutting edge. |
1.3800 |
0.05239 |
150 |
106 |
31 |
13 |
508 |
Never missed yet. |
1.3793 |
0.05092 |
145 |
100 |
35 |
10 |
509 |
It's outpatient. |
1.3791 |
0.04637 |
153 |
102 |
44 |
7 |
510 |
Well, sometimes, yes, but that's why you and I both have insurance. |
1.3786 |
0.05216 |
140 |
97 |
33 |
10 |
511 |
Be sure to keep your knees apart for the next one. |
1.3786 |
0.05116 |
140 |
96 |
35 |
9 |
512 |
I'm confident this treatment will fix your constipation. |
1.3778 |
0.05551 |
135 |
96 |
27 |
12 |
513 |
You’re an organ donor, right? |
1.3778 |
0.04326 |
180 |
121 |
50 |
9 |
514 |
Looks like you came through the procedure very well. |
1.3776 |
0.05326 |
143 |
101 |
30 |
12 |
515 |
You'll be lucky 13 |
1.3776 |
0.05233 |
143 |
100 |
32 |
11 |
516 |
So you lost control of your bladder. Your hiccups are cured, aren't they. |
1.3768 |
0.05558 |
138 |
99 |
26 |
13 |
517 |
Not to worry, you'll be facing the wall. |
1.3767 |
0.04776 |
146 |
98 |
41 |
7 |
518 |
Enough practice. Let's get that appendix out. |
1.3766 |
0.05218 |
154 |
110 |
30 |
14 |
519 |
Relax. I’m a doctor. |
1.3765 |
0.04955 |
162 |
114 |
35 |
13 |
520 |
Congratulations, you passed our cardiac stress test with flying colors |
1.3765 |
0.04790 |
170 |
119 |
38 |
13 |
521 |
My surgical residency was with Ringling Brothers.” |
1.3759 |
0.05282 |
141 |
99 |
31 |
11 |
522 |
We have a new cutting edge procedure. |
1.3758 |
0.05257 |
149 |
106 |
30 |
13 |
523 |
Long-distance surgery is all the rage now. |
1.3757 |
0.04650 |
181 |
127 |
40 |
14 |
524 |
Remember, no treatment is without risk. |
1.3750 |
0.04810 |
176 |
125 |
36 |
15 |
525 |
Well, you aced the stress test. Now let's check that prostate. |
1.3750 |
0.04827 |
168 |
118 |
37 |
13 |
526 |
It's the only pre-op prep covered by your insurance. |
1.3750 |
0.05265 |
152 |
109 |
29 |
14 |
527 |
Next we will test your reflexes. |
1.3750 |
0.04677 |
168 |
116 |
41 |
11 |
528 |
If you don’t mind I’d like to run just one more test. |
1.3743 |
0.04620 |
171 |
118 |
42 |
11 |
529 |
Relax, FDA approval is expected to come through any day now. |
1.3743 |
0.04767 |
171 |
120 |
38 |
13 |
530 |
Very few of my patients don’t stick to the diet. |
1.3742 |
0.05349 |
155 |
113 |
26 |
16 |
531 |
I was told I’d be going under the knife, singular. |
1.3742 |
0.05109 |
155 |
110 |
32 |
13 |
532 |
Stand right on that red stain. |
1.3741 |
0.05127 |
147 |
103 |
33 |
11 |
533 |
I always wanted to be in the circus.
My parents insisted on medical school. |
1.3741 |
0.05133 |
139 |
96 |
34 |
9 |
534 |
We've had zero post-operative complaints. |
1.3741 |
0.05234 |
139 |
97 |
32 |
10 |
535 |
I almost never miss a diagnosis. |
1.3736 |
0.04289 |
182 |
123 |
50 |
9 |
536 |
As you know, all surgeries come with a certain risk. |
1.3735 |
0.04713 |
166 |
115 |
40 |
11 |
537 |
Trust me, you won't feel a thing. |
1.3734 |
0.04792 |
158 |
109 |
39 |
10 |
538 |
My speciality is external medicine. |
1.3734 |
0.04792 |
158 |
109 |
39 |
10 |
539 |
No more hiccups, am I right? |
1.3729 |
0.04720 |
177 |
125 |
38 |
14 |
540 |
Why else would it be called a “medical practice?” |
1.3728 |
0.04948 |
169 |
121 |
33 |
15 |
541 |
Now, let's see if your new anti-anxiety medication is working. |
1.3725 |
0.04984 |
153 |
107 |
35 |
11 |
542 |
So I figured with skills like this, becoming a surgeon would be easy. |
1.3724 |
0.05080 |
145 |
101 |
34 |
10 |
543 |
You might want to face the wall for this one. |
1.3724 |
0.04789 |
145 |
98 |
40 |
7 |
544 |
That’s 4 years of Med School & 4 years of clown college |
1.3724 |
0.05174 |
145 |
102 |
32 |
11 |
545 |
Sorry this is my first circumcision. |
1.3718 |
0.05081 |
156 |
111 |
32 |
13 |
546 |
On the other hand, past results are no guarantee of future performance. |
1.3718 |
0.05081 |
156 |
111 |
32 |
13 |
547 |
Well, yes, medicine can sometimes be a bit hit or miss. |
1.3718 |
0.04916 |
156 |
109 |
36 |
11 |
548 |
Cutting edge technology. |
1.3716 |
0.05008 |
148 |
103 |
35 |
10 |
549 |
I’m also terrible at Operation the game |
1.3716 |
0.05099 |
148 |
104 |
33 |
11 |
550 |
Your insurance doesn’t cover anesthesia or an operating room. |
1.3714 |
0.04824 |
175 |
125 |
35 |
15 |
551 |
Just tell me where it hurts |
1.3713 |
0.04766 |
167 |
117 |
38 |
12 |
552 |
It's my cure for the toughest cases of hiccups, like yours. |
1.3711 |
0.05012 |
159 |
113 |
33 |
13 |
553 |
We’ve exhausted every procedure except one |
1.3710 |
0.05779 |
124 |
89 |
24 |
11 |
554 |
Of course there are those who associate the number 13 with bad luck. |
1.3709 |
0.04848 |
151 |
104 |
38 |
9 |
555 |
When the circus closed, I asked myself - what’s my transferable skill? |
1.3708 |
0.04896 |
178 |
129 |
32 |
17 |
556 |
yes, you would be number 13 |
1.3706 |
0.05407 |
143 |
103 |
27 |
13 |
557 |
Have you heard the term "practicing medicine?" |
1.3704 |
0.05022 |
162 |
116 |
32 |
14 |
558 |
Actually, past performance is a reliable enough indicator of future results. |
1.3704 |
0.04541 |
162 |
110 |
44 |
8 |
559 |
On second thought,I think I’ll go with radiation. |
1.3701 |
0.04871 |
154 |
107 |
37 |
10 |
560 |
Hospital? This is the Museum of Modern Art. |
1.3701 |
0.05208 |
154 |
111 |
29 |
14 |
561 |
For most patients the procedure is painless. |
1.3699 |
0.04957 |
146 |
101 |
36 |
9 |
562 |
We could try it again arthroscopically. |
1.3694 |
0.04890 |
157 |
110 |
36 |
11 |
563 |
Side effects may include sharp stabbing pain. |
1.3691 |
0.05417 |
149 |
109 |
25 |
15 |
564 |
Trust me. I'm with doctors without borders. |
1.3691 |
0.04980 |
149 |
104 |
35 |
10 |
565 |
This will teach you not to fidget in the MRI. |
1.3687 |
0.04575 |
160 |
109 |
43 |
8 |
566 |
Now to pinpoint the problem. |
1.3684 |
0.04302 |
171 |
115 |
49 |
7 |
567 |
Just one more with you facing the board. |
1.3684 |
0.04822 |
152 |
105 |
38 |
9 |
568 |
Just show me what you'd like me to remove. |
1.3684 |
0.05695 |
133 |
97 |
23 |
13 |
569 |
Ohhh, it’s eye, nose, and throw doctor. |
1.3684 |
0.04912 |
152 |
106 |
36 |
10 |
570 |
I know the others said it was inoperable, but I'm willing to take a stab at it. |
1.3684 |
0.05387 |
133 |
94 |
29 |
10 |
571 |
This is cutting edge medicine |
1.3684 |
0.05171 |
152 |
109 |
30 |
13 |
572 |
It's really more of an art than a science. |
1.3681 |
0.04903 |
144 |
99 |
37 |
8 |
573 |
I've been looking into practices outside of conventional medicine. This is your stress test. |
1.3678 |
0.04699 |
174 |
123 |
38 |
13 |
574 |
In medical school, this is where we decide whether our graduates become surgeons or go into teaching. |
1.3676 |
0.05504 |
136 |
98 |
26 |
12 |
575 |
The margins are clear. |
1.3676 |
0.05093 |
136 |
94 |
34 |
8 |
576 |
And again, I’m sorry about your arm. |
1.3673 |
0.04835 |
147 |
101 |
38 |
8 |
577 |
I specialize in external medicine. |
1.3673 |
0.05206 |
147 |
105 |
30 |
12 |
578 |
Cigarette? |
1.3672 |
0.05419 |
128 |
90 |
29 |
9 |
579 |
No, I'm not a rabbi, but I've done this a thousand times. |
1.3672 |
0.05067 |
128 |
87 |
35 |
6 |
580 |
It's a spin on the childhood classic, pin the tail on the donkey |
1.3671 |
0.04696 |
158 |
109 |
40 |
9 |
581 |
Don't worry, a negative result is good." |
1.3667 |
0.05131 |
150 |
107 |
31 |
12 |
582 |
Luckily, you're a good fit for this
surgical trial |
1.3667 |
0.05043 |
150 |
106 |
33 |
11 |
583 |
As you can see, our surgeons are very skilled. |
1.3667 |
0.04450 |
180 |
125 |
44 |
11 |
584 |
I’m much more accurate when I can see what’s inside. |
1.3660 |
0.04973 |
153 |
108 |
34 |
11 |
585 |
Now I'd like to check your reflexes. |
1.3657 |
0.04461 |
175 |
121 |
44 |
10 |
586 |
It's this or the rectal exam. |
1.3657 |
0.05458 |
134 |
96 |
27 |
11 |
587 |
The new operating table will arrive any day. |
1.3655 |
0.05162 |
145 |
103 |
31 |
11 |
588 |
I rarely lose a patient. |
1.3655 |
0.04776 |
145 |
99 |
39 |
7 |
589 |
Without volunteers, clinical studies just wouldn’t be possible. |
1.3655 |
0.05162 |
145 |
103 |
31 |
11 |
590 |
Well, the good news is that you've avoided going under the knife. |
1.3653 |
0.04832 |
167 |
119 |
35 |
13 |
591 |
As you can see going under the knife is perfectly safe. |
1.3650 |
0.04955 |
137 |
94 |
36 |
7 |
592 |
I call it "In-acupuncture." It works wonders; one treatment and my patients are good to go. |
1.3650 |
0.05167 |
137 |
96 |
32 |
9 |
593 |
There are, of course, risks associated with this type of surgery… |
1.3650 |
0.05567 |
137 |
100 |
24 |
13 |
594 |
And you thought an MRI is scary? |
1.3649 |
0.05176 |
148 |
106 |
30 |
12 |
595 |
It's a new concept in surgery. It's big on Tik-Tok so we're giving it a try. |
1.3648 |
0.05002 |
159 |
114 |
32 |
13 |
596 |
Past performance does not guarantee future results. |
1.3643 |
0.05385 |
129 |
91 |
29 |
9 |
597 |
As you can see, this is a very low risk procedure. |
1.3643 |
0.05496 |
129 |
92 |
27 |
10 |
598 |
You are I both know where the next one goes. |
1.3643 |
0.04988 |
140 |
97 |
35 |
8 |
599 |
This patient didn’t need anesthesia. How about you? |
1.3642 |
0.04744 |
151 |
104 |
39 |
8 |
600 |
Oh, that's just where I practice. |
1.3642 |
0.05188 |
151 |
109 |
29 |
13 |
601 |
No, it doesn’t spin |
1.3636 |
0.05512 |
132 |
95 |
26 |
11 |
602 |
See sir,you can't afford to gain any more weight. |
1.3636 |
0.05113 |
143 |
101 |
32 |
10 |
603 |
Well, you might feel a slight sting |
1.3636 |
0.04771 |
154 |
107 |
38 |
9 |
604 |
Our lawyers require me to say past performance is no guarantee of future results |
1.3636 |
0.05512 |
132 |
95 |
26 |
11 |
605 |
Nurse, blindfold! |
1.3636 |
0.05076 |
132 |
91 |
34 |
7 |
606 |
Since you have no insurance, this is the free reflex test. |
1.3636 |
0.05093 |
165 |
121 |
28 |
16 |
607 |
And this is why we call it PRACTICING medicine. |
1.3631 |
0.04733 |
168 |
119 |
37 |
12 |
608 |
I could never be a surgeon. |
1.3630 |
0.05321 |
135 |
96 |
29 |
10 |
609 |
You might feel a little pressure. |
1.3630 |
0.04999 |
135 |
93 |
35 |
7 |
610 |
Odds are, if the cancer doesn’t kill you, I will. |
1.3629 |
0.05876 |
124 |
91 |
21 |
12 |
611 |
Ya, I know, but so far modern science has yet to come up with a better bladder control test. |
1.3624 |
0.05235 |
149 |
108 |
28 |
13 |
612 |
The next procedure is more invasive. |
1.3624 |
0.05059 |
149 |
106 |
32 |
11 |
613 |
Yes, it’s your stress test. |
1.3623 |
0.04926 |
138 |
95 |
36 |
7 |
614 |
It’s cutting edge therapy. |
1.3623 |
0.05721 |
138 |
103 |
20 |
15 |
615 |
Nice. We can check off nervous system response. |
1.3623 |
0.05137 |
138 |
97 |
32 |
9 |
616 |
And now for your blood pressure test! |
1.3622 |
0.04438 |
196 |
140 |
41 |
15 |
617 |
Just don't sneeze. |
1.3622 |
0.05204 |
127 |
88 |
32 |
7 |
618 |
So I left the circus and went into medicine.... |
1.3620 |
0.04832 |
163 |
116 |
35 |
12 |
619 |
All right - now this time ,with the blindfold. |
1.3618 |
0.04900 |
152 |
107 |
35 |
10 |
620 |
The nurse tells me you're having trouble giving a urine sample |
1.3618 |
0.05326 |
152 |
112 |
25 |
15 |
621 |
I took a stab at it, so next let’s try a shot in the dark. |
1.3618 |
0.05243 |
152 |
111 |
27 |
14 |
622 |
As you can see, the procedure is completely painless. |
1.3618 |
0.04810 |
152 |
106 |
37 |
9 |
623 |
As you can see, Mr. Smith, no surgery is necessary. You've dodged the knife. |
1.3615 |
0.05461 |
130 |
93 |
27 |
10 |
624 |
This procedure has never worked. |
1.3615 |
0.05238 |
130 |
91 |
31 |
8 |
625 |
I guarantee you'll be able to pee after this operation. |
1.3615 |
0.05461 |
130 |
93 |
27 |
10 |
626 |
I guess I just got a little bored doing vasectomies the same old way. |
1.3614 |
0.04534 |
166 |
115 |
42 |
9 |
627 |
I could do acupuncture if you prefer |
1.3613 |
0.05004 |
155 |
111 |
32 |
12 |
628 |
I'm also board certified. |
1.3613 |
0.04657 |
155 |
107 |
40 |
8 |
629 |
It’s our new stress test. |
1.3611 |
0.04987 |
144 |
101 |
34 |
9 |
630 |
If my throw lands next to your problem, you get free medical care for a year |
1.3611 |
0.05179 |
144 |
103 |
30 |
11 |
631 |
You passed. It's quicker than the treadmill. |
1.3609 |
0.05373 |
133 |
95 |
28 |
10 |
632 |
It's the best stress test your health insurance covers. |
1.3609 |
0.05478 |
133 |
96 |
26 |
11 |
633 |
And your insurance will cover it. |
1.3607 |
0.05082 |
122 |
83 |
34 |
5 |
634 |
Step in. There's one left. |
1.3605 |
0.04821 |
147 |
102 |
37 |
8 |
635 |
This has proven to be the best non-invasive treatment for constipation. |
1.3603 |
0.05490 |
136 |
99 |
25 |
12 |
636 |
Of course, you're free to seek a second opinion. |
1.3603 |
0.05078 |
136 |
95 |
33 |
8 |
637 |
Don't worry, 9 out of 10 doctors recommend this practice. |
1.3603 |
0.05288 |
136 |
97 |
29 |
10 |
638 |
Let's get you prepped for your colonoscopy. |
1.3603 |
0.05288 |
136 |
97 |
29 |
10 |
639 |
There's a good chance you'll be missed. |
1.3602 |
0.04949 |
161 |
116 |
32 |
13 |
640 |
This teaching tool leads most of my overweight patients to lose weight before the surgery. |
1.3600 |
0.04661 |
150 |
103 |
40 |
7 |
641 |
Now, about that vasectomy |
1.3600 |
0.05031 |
150 |
107 |
32 |
11 |
642 |
It's like acupuncture, only faster." |
1.3597 |
0.05306 |
139 |
100 |
28 |
11 |
643 |
No, this isn’t covered by insurance |
1.3597 |
0.05003 |
139 |
97 |
34 |
8 |
644 |
Now let’s make sure you haven’t gained any weight since the last check-up. |
1.3595 |
0.05456 |
153 |
115 |
21 |
17 |
645 |
Now it ‘s your turn. |
1.3594 |
0.05171 |
128 |
89 |
32 |
7 |
646 |
Do you still have the hiccups? |
1.3592 |
0.04931 |
142 |
99 |
35 |
8 |
647 |
Yeah, here's your option...blindfold or no blindfold. |
1.3592 |
0.05226 |
142 |
102 |
29 |
11 |
648 |
My diagnosis: you either have nerves of steel or no nerves at all. |
1.3590 |
0.06004 |
117 |
86 |
20 |
11 |
649 |
Yours is an interesting case. I would like to take a stab at it. |
1.3588 |
0.05426 |
131 |
94 |
27 |
10 |
650 |
The new Cyber knife technology is trending more analogue. |
1.3588 |
0.05205 |
131 |
92 |
31 |
8 |
651 |
…and of course, no medical procedure is entirely without risk… |
1.3588 |
0.05317 |
131 |
93 |
29 |
9 |
652 |
I got a great deal on my malpractice insurance. |
1.3588 |
0.05205 |
131 |
92 |
31 |
8 |
653 |
They teach you in Medical School that the cuts you make are just as important as the ones you don't. |
1.3586 |
0.05055 |
145 |
103 |
32 |
10 |
654 |
Just one more. |
1.3586 |
0.04762 |
145 |
100 |
38 |
7 |
655 |
This is the only vasectomy procedure your insurance covers |
1.3586 |
0.05332 |
145 |
106 |
26 |
13 |
656 |
Don’t worry. We’ll know right away if something goes wrong. |
1.3585 |
0.04745 |
159 |
112 |
37 |
10 |
657 |
That’s how I relax. |
1.3585 |
0.04828 |
159 |
113 |
35 |
11 |
658 |
…but at least it’s covered by your insurance. |
1.3585 |
0.04486 |
159 |
109 |
43 |
7 |
659 |
The surgery should be quick. |
1.3583 |
0.05525 |
120 |
85 |
27 |
8 |
660 |
I’m worried I may have missed something. |
1.3577 |
0.05048 |
137 |
96 |
33 |
8 |
661 |
Budgetary cutbacks have forced us to slightly alter our cardiac stress testing... |
1.3576 |
0.05009 |
165 |
121 |
29 |
15 |
662 |
And now we'll do your cardio stress test! |
1.3576 |
0.04783 |
165 |
118 |
35 |
12 |
663 |
This is our minimally invasive surgical option. |
1.3571 |
0.05341 |
126 |
89 |
29 |
8 |
664 |
I'd like to take another stab at a diagnosis. |
1.3571 |
0.05019 |
154 |
111 |
31 |
12 |
665 |
See. I rarely miss |
1.3571 |
0.05176 |
140 |
100 |
30 |
10 |
666 |
It's like a cross between acupuncture and shock therapy. |
1.3571 |
0.05019 |
154 |
111 |
31 |
12 |
667 |
Welcome to my practice. |
1.3567 |
0.04519 |
157 |
108 |
42 |
7 |
668 |
You'll be the first patient in the double-blind part of the clinical trial. |
1.3567 |
0.04867 |
157 |
112 |
34 |
11 |
669 |
So should I take another stab at it?” |
1.3567 |
0.04951 |
157 |
113 |
32 |
12 |
670 |
It’s why we call it a ‘practice’ |
1.3566 |
0.05472 |
143 |
106 |
23 |
14 |
671 |
I am going to miss you. |
1.3566 |
0.05369 |
129 |
92 |
28 |
9 |
672 |
Imagine how good I am with a scalpel when my eyes are open! |
1.3565 |
0.06075 |
115 |
85 |
19 |
11 |
673 |
You finally get Universal Health Care and you're still not happy. |
1.3562 |
0.04803 |
160 |
114 |
35 |
11 |
674 |
Your insurance no longer covers the treadmill test. They suggest this as a cost-effective option. |
1.3562 |
0.05043 |
160 |
117 |
29 |
14 |
675 |
So you're here for a vasectomy? |
1.3562 |
0.04835 |
146 |
102 |
36 |
8 |
676 |
I never said medicine was an exact science. |
1.3562 |
0.05026 |
146 |
104 |
32 |
10 |
677 |
You are probably asking asking yourself, where does the last knife go? |
1.3561 |
0.05392 |
132 |
95 |
27 |
10 |
678 |
Okay... Now back to my day job. |
1.3561 |
0.05498 |
132 |
96 |
25 |
11 |
679 |
Okay, just going to test your reflexes then you can get dressed |
1.3558 |
0.05051 |
163 |
120 |
28 |
15 |
680 |
If you’re able to remain still, we’ve cured your anxiety. |
1.3558 |
0.04898 |
163 |
118 |
32 |
13 |
681 |
Can you try sticking your cyst out just a little? |
1.3557 |
0.05223 |
149 |
109 |
27 |
13 |
682 |
Actually, it's " second" do no harm. First, we have to practice. |
1.3557 |
0.05135 |
149 |
108 |
29 |
12 |
683 |
This shouldn't hurt a bit. |
1.3557 |
0.05223 |
149 |
109 |
27 |
13 |
684 |
I’m afraid your condition is inoperable. |
1.3556 |
0.04639 |
135 |
91 |
40 |
4 |
685 |
It’s always hit and miss when it comes to surgery. |
1.3556 |
0.05898 |
135 |
103 |
16 |
16 |
686 |
Sure, there's a good chance I can remove your skin tags |
1.3556 |
0.05201 |
135 |
96 |
30 |
9 |
687 |
As you can see, you really have nothing to worry about. |
1.3554 |
0.04603 |
166 |
117 |
39 |
10 |
688 |
At least it's in network. |
1.3553 |
0.04887 |
152 |
108 |
34 |
10 |
689 |
I practice homeopathic surgery. |
1.3553 |
0.04975 |
152 |
109 |
32 |
11 |
690 |
And when I say hold still, I mean “hold still!” |
1.3551 |
0.05018 |
138 |
97 |
33 |
8 |
691 |
You may feel a slight pinch. |
1.3551 |
0.05325 |
138 |
100 |
27 |
11 |
692 |
Thanks for being flexible. We ran out of chalk. |
1.3550 |
0.04699 |
169 |
121 |
36 |
12 |
693 |
Of course it never hurts to cross your fingers. |
1.3548 |
0.05017 |
124 |
85 |
34 |
5 |
694 |
I find this method to be an efficient means of collecting various fluid samples from my patients. |
1.3538 |
0.05445 |
130 |
94 |
26 |
10 |
695 |
Now let's check your blood pressure. |
1.3538 |
0.04867 |
130 |
89 |
36 |
5 |
696 |
Yes, Sir. 'Non-invasive' is the key word. |
1.3534 |
0.05028 |
133 |
93 |
33 |
7 |
697 |
Oops. I forgot one. |
1.3534 |
0.05566 |
133 |
98 |
23 |
12 |
698 |
…and I could even do your appendectomy with my eyes closed. |
1.3533 |
0.05018 |
150 |
108 |
31 |
11 |
699 |
That's nothing. I once took out an appendix from thirty feet away. |
1.3533 |
0.05106 |
150 |
109 |
29 |
12 |
700 |
Give me a moment to warm up before your vasectomy. |
1.3533 |
0.05018 |
150 |
108 |
31 |
11 |
701 |
This will show us if you have any trust issues. |
1.3529 |
0.05063 |
136 |
96 |
32 |
8 |
702 |
No worries , I took an oath . |
1.3529 |
0.04948 |
153 |
110 |
32 |
11 |
703 |
Obviously during the actual procedure I'll be blindfolded. |
1.3529 |
0.05284 |
153 |
114 |
24 |
15 |
704 |
And that’s why it’s called a practice. |
1.3529 |
0.04948 |
153 |
110 |
32 |
11 |
705 |
It's covered by your insurance. |
1.3526 |
0.04709 |
156 |
110 |
37 |
9 |
706 |
This is why you cannot gain weight. |
1.3525 |
0.05486 |
139 |
103 |
23 |
13 |
707 |
You can take off the gown now. |
1.3525 |
0.05486 |
139 |
103 |
23 |
13 |
708 |
Patients are my target audience." |
1.3525 |
0.04988 |
139 |
98 |
33 |
8 |
709 |
This is cutting edge. |
1.3525 |
0.05811 |
122 |
90 |
21 |
11 |
710 |
This is what happens when an appendix tries to get away |
1.3522 |
0.05136 |
159 |
118 |
26 |
15 |
711 |
Well, I did my residency at the Barnum and Bailey School of Medicine. |
1.3520 |
0.05112 |
125 |
87 |
32 |
6 |
712 |
Budget cuts. We sold the treadmill, but this achieves the same in terms of heart rate. |
1.3520 |
0.05237 |
125 |
88 |
30 |
7 |
713 |
And this one goes in the middle |
1.3520 |
0.05821 |
125 |
93 |
20 |
12 |
714 |
Past results are no guarantee of future performance. |
1.3519 |
0.04913 |
162 |
118 |
31 |
13 |
715 |
One hundred percent cure rate for hiccups. |
1.3519 |
0.04834 |
162 |
117 |
33 |
12 |
716 |
I am going to let the intern throw the next few |
1.3517 |
0.05041 |
145 |
104 |
31 |
10 |
717 |
It looks good so far, but we'll need some blood work. |
1.3517 |
0.04847 |
145 |
102 |
35 |
8 |
718 |
This will be my first surgery, but it's not like I haven't been practicing. |
1.3517 |
0.04748 |
145 |
101 |
37 |
7 |
719 |
It's guaranteed to cure your hiccups! |
1.3517 |
0.04748 |
145 |
101 |
37 |
7 |
720 |
Now I'm going to check your prostate. |
1.3516 |
0.05033 |
128 |
89 |
33 |
6 |
721 |
Actually, I’ve heard the healthcare in America is much worse. |
1.3516 |
0.05272 |
128 |
91 |
29 |
8 |
722 |
We used to test reflexes by tapping your knee. |
1.3514 |
0.05151 |
148 |
108 |
28 |
12 |
723 |
I promise I'll do better during your surgery. |
1.3514 |
0.04876 |
148 |
105 |
34 |
9 |
724 |
The pre-op went well. |
1.3511 |
0.05410 |
131 |
95 |
26 |
10 |
725 |
You’ll hear a whoosh but try to stay still. |
1.3511 |
0.05074 |
131 |
92 |
32 |
7 |
726 |
It’s that or the prostate exam. |
1.3511 |
0.05410 |
131 |
95 |
26 |
10 |
727 |
There's only one way to get rid of those hiccups. |
1.3511 |
0.04957 |
131 |
91 |
34 |
6 |
728 |
Everyone has a little anxiety before surgery |
1.3510 |
0.04990 |
151 |
109 |
31 |
11 |
729 |
I find it builds trust before the vasectomy. |
1.3507 |
0.05531 |
134 |
99 |
23 |
12 |
730 |
The procedure is totally unnecessary, but is usually non-invasive. |
1.3506 |
0.04746 |
154 |
109 |
36 |
9 |
731 |
Feeling better already, I'll bet. |
1.3506 |
0.04921 |
154 |
111 |
32 |
11 |
732 |
My aim is as good as my handwriting |
1.3504 |
0.05472 |
117 |
83 |
27 |
7 |
733 |
I dreamed of joining the circus but my dad made me go to med school. |
1.3504 |
0.05032 |
137 |
97 |
32 |
8 |
734 |
Don't worry, I take the blindfold off during the actual surgery. |
1.3503 |
0.04855 |
157 |
113 |
33 |
11 |
735 |
Next is your stress test. |
1.3500 |
0.05260 |
140 |
102 |
27 |
11 |
736 |
A bris 36 years ago would have been so much easier. |
1.3500 |
0.04791 |
160 |
115 |
34 |
11 |
737 |
Your insurance actually covers it. |
1.3496 |
0.04896 |
123 |
84 |
35 |
4 |
738 |
Let me take one more stab at it. |
1.3496 |
0.05413 |
123 |
88 |
27 |
8 |
739 |
Relax! They don't call me the William Tell of medicine for nothing. |
1.3496 |
0.05413 |
123 |
88 |
27 |
8 |
740 |
This won’t hurt a bit ... usually. |
1.3496 |
0.05030 |
123 |
85 |
33 |
5 |
741 |
My mother still thinks I went to medical school. |
1.3496 |
0.05288 |
123 |
87 |
29 |
7 |
742 |
My oath: First do no harm. |
1.3496 |
0.05413 |
123 |
88 |
27 |
8 |
743 |
Of course, your results may vary. |
1.3492 |
0.05323 |
126 |
90 |
28 |
8 |
744 |
Moving during the test can throw off the results. |
1.3492 |
0.05441 |
126 |
91 |
26 |
9 |
745 |
Your HMO only covers the game Operation. |
1.3488 |
0.05238 |
129 |
92 |
29 |
8 |
746 |
Let's see if we can fit you in. |
1.3488 |
0.04879 |
129 |
89 |
35 |
5 |
747 |
Don’t worry, the knives are all sterilized first. |
1.3488 |
0.05121 |
129 |
91 |
31 |
7 |
748 |
This procedure has been the subject of many trials…some of them clinical. |
1.3485 |
0.05689 |
132 |
99 |
20 |
13 |
749 |
Your blood pressure is a little high. Dealing with any stress? |
1.3485 |
0.05156 |
132 |
94 |
30 |
8 |
750 |
Have I adequately outlined my approach to your surgery? |
1.3485 |
0.05156 |
132 |
94 |
30 |
8 |
751 |
Try not to move. |
1.3484 |
0.04446 |
155 |
107 |
42 |
6 |
752 |
As you can see, we haven’t quite decided where to start cutting. |
1.3482 |
0.05338 |
112 |
78 |
29 |
5 |
753 |
We recommend this technique for constipation patients who can't use laxatives. |
1.3481 |
0.05394 |
135 |
99 |
25 |
11 |
754 |
So I thought, 'What the heck? Knife thrower? Surgeon? Pretty much the same thing.' |
1.3481 |
0.05185 |
135 |
97 |
29 |
9 |
755 |
See, you really want a surgeon with serious knife skills for a urological procedure. |
1.3481 |
0.05394 |
135 |
99 |
25 |
11 |
756 |
'We find it motivates patients to stay within their healthy BMI range.' |
1.3481 |
0.05291 |
135 |
98 |
27 |
10 |
757 |
My technique is totally non-invasive. |
1.3481 |
0.04829 |
158 |
114 |
33 |
11 |
758 |
Not to worry, “Operation” was my favorite childhood board game. |
1.3478 |
0.04895 |
138 |
97 |
34 |
7 |
759 |
Well, yes, there could be side effects. |
1.3475 |
0.05131 |
141 |
102 |
29 |
10 |
760 |
We use this when insurance won't cover an MRI. |
1.3475 |
0.05031 |
141 |
101 |
31 |
9 |
761 |
His diagnosis was malignant aura. |
1.3475 |
0.05160 |
118 |
82 |
31 |
5 |
762 |
Let's see how this goes before we schedule a follow-up. |
1.3472 |
0.05056 |
144 |
104 |
30 |
10 |
763 |
This or the prostate exam. Your choice. |
1.3472 |
0.05151 |
144 |
105 |
28 |
11 |
764 |
Now you realize, past performance does not predict future performance. |
1.3471 |
0.05341 |
121 |
86 |
28 |
7 |
765 |
So I’m actually a psychiatrist |
1.3471 |
0.05593 |
121 |
88 |
24 |
9 |
766 |
You more or less fit the profile of my successful patients. |
1.3469 |
0.04695 |
147 |
103 |
37 |
7 |
767 |
Now let's get rid of those hiccups. |
1.3468 |
0.04997 |
124 |
86 |
33 |
5 |
768 |
Wanna guess where the 13th one goes? |
1.3468 |
0.05253 |
124 |
88 |
29 |
7 |
769 |
'As you can see, I have a 100% accuracy rate." |
1.3468 |
0.05497 |
124 |
90 |
25 |
9 |
770 |
And that’s blindfolded. |
1.3465 |
0.04793 |
127 |
87 |
36 |
4 |
771 |
I think you see my point. |
1.3464 |
0.04758 |
153 |
109 |
35 |
9 |
772 |
Can you show me where it hurts? |
1.3462 |
0.05852 |
130 |
99 |
17 |
14 |
773 |
If this doesn't cure your constipation, I'm stuck. |
1.3462 |
0.05089 |
130 |
92 |
31 |
7 |
774 |
Would you like me to take another stab at it? |
1.3462 |
0.04783 |
156 |
112 |
34 |
10 |
775 |
Of course, you can always seek a second opinion. |
1.3462 |
0.04849 |
130 |
90 |
35 |
5 |
776 |
Laser surgery is more accurate but this is more fun. |
1.3462 |
0.05318 |
130 |
94 |
27 |
9 |
777 |
I find this a more accurate way of testing reflexes. |
1.3459 |
0.04896 |
133 |
93 |
34 |
6 |
778 |
Our success rate with this procedure is excellent. I'm confident
that your hiccups will disappear. |
1.3459 |
0.05124 |
133 |
95 |
30 |
8 |
779 |
Of course you can trust me. We're identical twins. |
1.3459 |
0.05342 |
133 |
97 |
26 |
10 |
780 |
Often we have to repeat the test. |
1.3456 |
0.05046 |
136 |
97 |
31 |
8 |
781 |
Mom always said you should have gone to medical school and I should have joined the circus. |
1.3456 |
0.05258 |
136 |
99 |
27 |
10 |
782 |
See! My accuracy is fine. Now please get back onto the operating table. |
1.3456 |
0.05258 |
136 |
99 |
27 |
10 |
783 |
It’s time to play, you bet your life. |
1.3455 |
0.05839 |
110 |
80 |
22 |
8 |
784 |
One more should do the trick. |
1.3451 |
0.05198 |
142 |
104 |
27 |
11 |
785 |
I did say that the surgery was “exploratory “ didn’t I? |
1.3448 |
0.04914 |
116 |
79 |
34 |
3 |
786 |
The good news is we recovered the last knife and you’ll be back to work soon. The bad news is you may need to change your name to something more feminine. |
1.3448 |
0.05305 |
145 |
108 |
24 |
13 |
787 |
We should have the results from your adrenaline test back by Thursday... |
1.3448 |
0.04930 |
145 |
104 |
32 |
9 |
788 |
"This procedure should've alleviated your constipation." |
1.3444 |
0.04796 |
151 |
108 |
34 |
9 |
789 |
A reflex hammer to the knee is so 2022. |
1.3443 |
0.05431 |
122 |
88 |
26 |
8 |
790 |
Enough practice. Let’s try your vasectomy. |
1.3440 |
0.05577 |
125 |
92 |
23 |
10 |
791 |
I haven't been able to diagnose your problem just yet, but I'll take another stab at it. |
1.3440 |
0.05460 |
125 |
91 |
25 |
9 |
792 |
Don’t worry I won’t miss this time. |
1.3439 |
0.04582 |
157 |
111 |
38 |
8 |
793 |
My cure for your constipation. |
1.3438 |
0.05370 |
128 |
93 |
26 |
9 |
794 |
You gotta admit, it works. Your hiccups are gone. |
1.3438 |
0.05370 |
128 |
93 |
26 |
9 |
795 |
I’m just a surgeon. Wait until you see how the radiologist plays. |
1.3438 |
0.05370 |
128 |
93 |
26 |
9 |
796 |
Part of my OR rotation was at SUNY - Barnum & Bailey |
1.3438 |
0.05370 |
128 |
93 |
26 |
9 |
797 |
Feelin' extra lucky? |
1.3435 |
0.05607 |
131 |
98 |
21 |
12 |
798 |
Here's where we check your reflexes. |
1.3435 |
0.05056 |
131 |
93 |
31 |
7 |
799 |
I put myself through medical school, as circus performer. |
1.3435 |
0.05171 |
131 |
94 |
29 |
8 |
800 |
If you still have the hiccups in a week come back and we’ll try again… |
1.3435 |
0.05607 |
131 |
98 |
21 |
12 |
801 |
I call it Still Life with Knives |
1.3433 |
0.05412 |
134 |
99 |
24 |
11 |
802 |
Trust me. |
1.3429 |
0.06176 |
105 |
78 |
18 |
9 |
803 |
Stand there. We’ll have your constipation cleared up in no time. |
1.3429 |
0.05046 |
140 |
101 |
30 |
9 |
804 |
This is a teaching hospital. |
1.3429 |
0.05714 |
105 |
75 |
24 |
6 |
805 |
I told you I practiced surgery. |
1.3427 |
0.04450 |
143 |
98 |
41 |
4 |
806 |
We can safely say your incontinence problems are over! |
1.3427 |
0.05167 |
143 |
105 |
27 |
11 |
807 |
I interned at Benihana." |
1.3421 |
0.05036 |
152 |
112 |
28 |
12 |
808 |
If you can't trust your brother, who can you trust?" |
1.3421 |
0.05407 |
114 |
81 |
27 |
6 |
809 |
Are you wondering why the space in the middle is blank? |
1.3419 |
0.04795 |
155 |
112 |
33 |
10 |
810 |
Would you mind if I tried to better my personal best of 12? |
1.3419 |
0.05314 |
117 |
83 |
28 |
6 |
811 |
My last patient didn't need surgery at all. |
1.3419 |
0.04880 |
117 |
80 |
34 |
3 |
812 |
We are a teaching hospital.” |
1.3419 |
0.05715 |
117 |
86 |
22 |
9 |
813 |
We'll need a stress test before the surgery. |
1.3418 |
0.05061 |
158 |
118 |
26 |
14 |
814 |
Yes, it's cutting edge technology. |
1.3417 |
0.05358 |
120 |
86 |
27 |
7 |
815 |
You lost some weight since your last visit. |
1.3415 |
0.05010 |
123 |
86 |
32 |
5 |
816 |
I need to know that you trust me. |
1.3415 |
0.05141 |
123 |
87 |
30 |
6 |
817 |
We haven’t yet marked your inseam. |
1.3415 |
0.04772 |
164 |
120 |
32 |
12 |
818 |
I just like to warm up before a vasectomy. |
1.3413 |
0.05305 |
126 |
91 |
27 |
8 |
819 |
In the American Healthcare system, it is better to have luck than health. |
1.3413 |
0.05305 |
126 |
91 |
27 |
8 |
820 |
Yes, my surgery residency was at Barnum and Bailey Hospital. |
1.3413 |
0.05305 |
126 |
91 |
27 |
8 |
821 |
I call it a daggerotype |
1.3413 |
0.05184 |
126 |
90 |
29 |
7 |
822 |
Of course no surgery is without risk. |
1.3409 |
0.05139 |
132 |
95 |
29 |
8 |
823 |
Sorry, but with your insurance this is as close as we can come to you being put under the knife. |
1.3409 |
0.05359 |
132 |
97 |
25 |
10 |
824 |
I would say that your odds are pretty good. |
1.3407 |
0.05274 |
135 |
99 |
26 |
10 |
825 |
A blood draw may not be necessary. |
1.3407 |
0.05060 |
135 |
97 |
30 |
8 |
826 |
Would you prefer to be in the control group? |
1.3404 |
0.05116 |
141 |
103 |
28 |
10 |
827 |
Now do you trust me? |
1.3403 |
0.05136 |
144 |
106 |
27 |
11 |
828 |
This treatment seems to be really helping with your anxiety Phil.
Don't worry about where the next one lands. |
1.3403 |
0.05041 |
144 |
105 |
29 |
10 |
829 |
We are going to have one hell of a time finding a vein on you. |
1.3398 |
0.05781 |
103 |
74 |
23 |
6 |
830 |
It's for people scared of needles. |
1.3398 |
0.05781 |
103 |
74 |
23 |
6 |
831 |
Don't worry, I'm a doctor |
1.3397 |
0.05022 |
156 |
116 |
27 |
13 |
832 |
Well, Kevin, you're the one who wanted to be Speaker of the House. |
1.3394 |
0.05861 |
109 |
80 |
21 |
8 |
833 |
I may only be a first year Resident but as you can see, I have been practicing. |
1.3393 |
0.05609 |
112 |
81 |
24 |
7 |
834 |
Now I have to ask you to be absolutely still for this one if you're thinking of starting a family. |
1.3393 |
0.05750 |
112 |
82 |
22 |
8 |
835 |
I think I removed all your nasty skin tags. |
1.3393 |
0.05160 |
112 |
78 |
30 |
4 |
836 |
Your nervous condition has been cured. Thanks for your cooperation! |
1.3391 |
0.05368 |
115 |
82 |
27 |
6 |
837 |
I have been practicing for my acupuncture boards |
1.3391 |
0.05224 |
115 |
81 |
29 |
5 |
838 |
I could operate, or I could kill your aura. |
1.3390 |
0.05800 |
118 |
88 |
20 |
10 |
839 |
The anesthesiologist is running late. |
1.3390 |
0.05674 |
118 |
87 |
22 |
9 |
840 |
This surgery does involve some risk. |
1.3388 |
0.05321 |
121 |
87 |
27 |
7 |
841 |
The gown just keeps the board clean and tidy. |
1.3387 |
0.05713 |
124 |
93 |
20 |
11 |
842 |
It can take several tests to pinpoint the problem. |
1.3387 |
0.05357 |
124 |
90 |
26 |
8 |
843 |
This is how we establish trust. |
1.3387 |
0.05107 |
124 |
88 |
30 |
6 |
844 |
I've had a lot of luck with this procedure so far. |
1.3387 |
0.04706 |
124 |
85 |
36 |
3 |
845 |
Let's check your reflexes |
1.3386 |
0.04901 |
127 |
89 |
33 |
5 |
846 |
It's to make the vasectomy less scary. |
1.3386 |
0.05150 |
127 |
91 |
29 |
7 |
847 |
Surgery is as much art as it is science |
1.3386 |
0.05270 |
127 |
92 |
27 |
8 |
848 |
You can see I have an excellent success rate. |
1.3385 |
0.05186 |
130 |
94 |
28 |
8 |
849 |
You’ll never guess where I studied. |
1.3385 |
0.05300 |
130 |
95 |
26 |
9 |
850 |
So, under your insurance plan, I have to do it blindfolded |
1.3383 |
0.05737 |
133 |
102 |
17 |
14 |
851 |
This is a test to see how well you can hold your bladder. |
1.3381 |
0.05162 |
139 |
102 |
27 |
10 |
852 |
Of course, in the operating room, we'll us a table. |
1.3381 |
0.05060 |
139 |
101 |
29 |
9 |
853 |
As you can see,I am fully board certified. |
1.3381 |
0.05162 |
139 |
102 |
27 |
10 |
854 |
It’s a vision test for me. |
1.3380 |
0.05085 |
142 |
104 |
28 |
10 |
855 |
Any procedure has risks. |
1.3380 |
0.04781 |
142 |
101 |
34 |
7 |
856 |
the next shot will be your vasectomy |
1.3379 |
0.04915 |
145 |
105 |
31 |
9 |
857 |
How about if I take another stab at diagnosing your problem? |
1.3378 |
0.05300 |
148 |
112 |
22 |
14 |
858 |
So, as you can see, this is a teaching hospital… |
1.3377 |
0.04593 |
151 |
107 |
37 |
7 |
859 |
Don't worry, you won't feel a thing. |
1.3377 |
0.05065 |
154 |
115 |
26 |
13 |
860 |
I believe in noninvasive procedures. |
1.3376 |
0.04568 |
157 |
112 |
37 |
8 |
861 |
It's a double-blind study, so we both have to close our eyes. |
1.3376 |
0.04995 |
157 |
117 |
27 |
13 |
862 |
The procedure is a little “hit or miss”. |
1.3374 |
0.04623 |
163 |
118 |
35 |
10 |
863 |
A skill set I picked up in pre-med. |
1.3364 |
0.05930 |
107 |
79 |
20 |
8 |
864 |
And that's how we know your anti-anxiety medication is working. |
1.3364 |
0.05466 |
107 |
76 |
26 |
5 |
865 |
Well, ‘acupuncture’ may be a bit generous. |
1.3364 |
0.05780 |
107 |
78 |
22 |
7 |
866 |
After your surgery, we had a little fun with you before you woke up. |
1.3364 |
0.06221 |
107 |
81 |
16 |
10 |
867 |
It's part science, part art, and part karma. |
1.3364 |
0.05816 |
110 |
81 |
21 |
8 |
868 |
I always like a little warmup before putting you "under the knife." |
1.3364 |
0.05522 |
110 |
79 |
25 |
6 |
869 |
Perfect posture! |
1.3364 |
0.05522 |
110 |
79 |
25 |
6 |
870 |
"Well every procedure carries some risk, we do provide an optional bindfold." |
1.3364 |
0.05522 |
110 |
79 |
25 |
6 |
871 |
Allergy to any metals? |
1.3363 |
0.05423 |
113 |
81 |
26 |
6 |
872 |
Ok, let’s try again. |
1.3362 |
0.05865 |
116 |
87 |
19 |
10 |
873 |
Am I good?
That was with my eyes shut. |
1.3361 |
0.05240 |
119 |
85 |
28 |
6 |
874 |
This is our non-invasive approach |
1.3361 |
0.04665 |
119 |
81 |
36 |
2 |
875 |
That cured his PTSD |
1.3361 |
0.05374 |
119 |
86 |
26 |
7 |
876 |
No need to be nervous. A vasectomy is a relatively simple procedure. |
1.3361 |
0.05505 |
119 |
87 |
24 |
8 |
877 |
Well, I guess we're going to have to take a stab at it! |
1.3361 |
0.05505 |
119 |
87 |
24 |
8 |
878 |
My next throw has to go between the legs. |
1.3361 |
0.05535 |
122 |
90 |
23 |
9 |
879 |
So you’ve gained some weight, but it’s not life threatening yet… |
1.3361 |
0.05021 |
122 |
86 |
31 |
5 |
880 |
You're steady on your feet. That's a good sign. |
1.3361 |
0.05284 |
122 |
88 |
27 |
7 |
881 |
Of course you could also just do a bit more exercise and make some slight changes your diet, but I think this is the least terrifying option |
1.3361 |
0.05284 |
122 |
88 |
27 |
7 |
882 |
The odds of dying are one in thirteen… |
1.3360 |
0.05321 |
125 |
91 |
26 |
8 |
883 |
For the last time: yes, this is a totally normal vasectomy procedure. |
1.3359 |
0.05465 |
128 |
95 |
23 |
10 |
884 |
All done. Those hiccups won't be an issue any more. |
1.3359 |
0.05116 |
128 |
92 |
29 |
7 |
885 |
This is the only stress test your insurance will cover. |
1.3359 |
0.05351 |
128 |
94 |
25 |
9 |
886 |
Your chance of recovery is hit and miss. |
1.3359 |
0.05153 |
131 |
95 |
28 |
8 |
887 |
Now let’s get to the heart of the problem. |
1.3359 |
0.05038 |
131 |
94 |
30 |
7 |
888 |
My pre-med was Barnum and Bailey |
1.3359 |
0.05694 |
131 |
100 |
18 |
13 |
889 |
Think of it like acupuncture |
1.3359 |
0.05266 |
131 |
96 |
26 |
9 |
890 |
Don’t worry. I’m an even better surgeon. |
1.3359 |
0.04799 |
131 |
92 |
34 |
5 |
891 |
You're almost done with the Twitter pre-employment physical. |
1.3358 |
0.05184 |
134 |
98 |
27 |
9 |
892 |
I’ll give you something to take the edge off. |
1.3358 |
0.04890 |
137 |
98 |
32 |
7 |
893 |
The lead vest is just a precaution. |
1.3357 |
0.04713 |
140 |
99 |
35 |
6 |
894 |
This is our cutting edge treatment. |
1.3357 |
0.05029 |
140 |
102 |
29 |
9 |
895 |
My other gig is a surgeon." |
1.3357 |
0.04957 |
143 |
104 |
30 |
9 |
896 |
This treatment is not covered by insurance but is actually fairly inexpensive. |
1.3357 |
0.04754 |
143 |
102 |
34 |
7 |
897 |
Sometimes this procedure is in-patient; sometimes it’s out-patient. |
1.3356 |
0.04789 |
146 |
105 |
33 |
8 |
898 |
This will test both your reflexes and your heart rate...and it is fun, for me. |
1.3333 |
0.05316 |
129 |
95 |
25 |
9 |
899 |
It's targeted therapy. I'm Board certified. |
1.3333 |
0.05838 |
120 |
91 |
18 |
11 |
900 |
We refer to this as cutting edge research. |
1.3333 |
0.05341 |
132 |
98 |
24 |
10 |
901 |
See, one can combine a hobby and profession |
1.3333 |
0.05150 |
117 |
83 |
29 |
5 |
902 |
This should motivate you to keep your weight within our guidelines |
1.3333 |
0.04861 |
138 |
99 |
32 |
7 |
903 |
Just one more, we call the standing circumcision. |
1.3333 |
0.05328 |
111 |
79 |
27 |
5 |
904 |
The results are inconclusive. I'd like to bring in an axe-thrower. |
1.3333 |
0.05634 |
126 |
95 |
20 |
11 |
905 |
Or, you could take Prozac. |
1.3333 |
0.04796 |
162 |
120 |
30 |
12 |
906 |
This probably won't hurt much |
1.3333 |
0.05237 |
114 |
81 |
28 |
5 |
907 |
Now you know why we give our patients an enema prior to the surgery. |
1.3333 |
0.05404 |
126 |
93 |
24 |
9 |
908 |
I know it seems silly, but your insurance company requires this step before they’ll cover the procedure. |
1.3333 |
0.04963 |
129 |
92 |
31 |
6 |
909 |
It's an experimental procedure. |
1.3333 |
0.04927 |
120 |
84 |
32 |
4 |
910 |
I’ve only missed a few times!! |
1.3333 |
0.05150 |
117 |
83 |
29 |
5 |
911 |
That’s how I biopsy your aura. |
1.3333 |
0.05201 |
129 |
94 |
27 |
8 |
912 |
This is just for diagnostics. Then we spin you on a wheel for the actual operation. |
1.3333 |
0.05248 |
123 |
89 |
27 |
7 |
913 |
I'm sorry, but this is all your current healthcare plan
would cover. |
1.3333 |
0.05006 |
132 |
95 |
30 |
7 |
914 |
I see your points! |
1.3333 |
0.05694 |
117 |
87 |
21 |
9 |
915 |
Just think of it as intense acupuncture. |
1.3333 |
0.05449 |
132 |
99 |
22 |
11 |
916 |
Either way, you won’t feel a thing. |
1.3333 |
0.06002 |
105 |
78 |
19 |
8 |
917 |
In my experience,there is no reason to believe thirteen can’t be a lucky number |
1.3333 |
0.05177 |
138 |
102 |
26 |
10 |
918 |
I like to think of it as a cutting-edge procedure. |
1.3333 |
0.05040 |
126 |
90 |
30 |
6 |
919 |
All patients requesting to be conscious during the operation must first pass the Flinch Test. |
1.3333 |
0.05554 |
132 |
100 |
20 |
12 |
920 |
Some might question my credentials |
1.3333 |
0.05593 |
120 |
89 |
22 |
9 |
921 |
I trained at the Barnum & Bailey College of Medicine. |
1.3333 |
0.05526 |
114 |
83 |
24 |
7 |
922 |
I think my accuracy gets a little flimsy when my patients don't pay up. |
1.3333 |
0.05204 |
120 |
86 |
28 |
6 |
923 |
Come back next week for some blood work. |
1.3333 |
0.04702 |
117 |
80 |
35 |
2 |
924 |
Actually this IS cutting edge medicine. |
1.3333 |
0.05257 |
135 |
100 |
25 |
10 |
925 |
A lot of men were uncomfortable with the way we used to check bladder control. |
1.3333 |
0.05771 |
111 |
82 |
21 |
8 |
926 |
Sure laparoscopic is less invasive, but where’s the showmanship? |
1.3333 |
0.04999 |
141 |
103 |
29 |
9 |
927 |
You’re going to feel a slight pinch |
1.3333 |
0.05201 |
129 |
94 |
27 |
8 |
928 |
Here’s an outline of the procedure for you… |
1.3333 |
0.04912 |
126 |
89 |
32 |
5 |
929 |
Trust me, I never miss. |
1.3333 |
0.05012 |
111 |
77 |
31 |
3 |
930 |
I haven't missed in a long time |
1.3311 |
0.04577 |
151 |
108 |
36 |
7 |
931 |
Trust me. I took an on-line course in acupuncture. You’re going to feel great once I’m done. |
1.3311 |
0.04925 |
148 |
109 |
29 |
10 |
932 |
We’re calling it Hack-you-puncture |
1.3310 |
0.05184 |
145 |
109 |
24 |
12 |
933 |
Like I promised, you didn't feel a thing. |
1.3309 |
0.04611 |
139 |
98 |
36 |
5 |
934 |
Don't worry. You fit the profile perfectly. |
1.3309 |
0.04938 |
139 |
101 |
30 |
8 |
935 |
You know, I am a cutting edge surgeon! |
1.3309 |
0.05344 |
139 |
105 |
22 |
12 |
936 |
The last patient was lucky. |
1.3309 |
0.04722 |
139 |
99 |
34 |
6 |
937 |
I'm a psychiatrist, not a surgeon. |
1.3309 |
0.05043 |
139 |
102 |
28 |
9 |
938 |
For this procedure, don't turn your head or cough. |
1.3309 |
0.05328 |
136 |
102 |
23 |
11 |
939 |
If I miss, I slash your bill in half. |
1.3308 |
0.05198 |
133 |
98 |
26 |
9 |
940 |
There are some potential side effects I should mention… |
1.3308 |
0.05393 |
130 |
97 |
23 |
10 |
941 |
This next test is really more about me. |
1.3308 |
0.05167 |
130 |
95 |
27 |
8 |
942 |
It's definitely a less invasive option. |
1.3308 |
0.05051 |
130 |
94 |
29 |
7 |
943 |
This is really the best way to get rid of hiccups! |
1.3308 |
0.05393 |
130 |
97 |
23 |
10 |
944 |
It's like X-rays. Just don't move. |
1.3308 |
0.04809 |
130 |
92 |
33 |
5 |
945 |
It's a simple outpatient procedure. |
1.3308 |
0.04554 |
130 |
90 |
37 |
3 |
946 |
As with all surgical procedures, there are some associated risk factors. |
1.3308 |
0.05281 |
130 |
96 |
25 |
9 |
947 |
How about now? Are the palpitations better or worse? |
1.3308 |
0.05051 |
130 |
94 |
29 |
7 |
948 |
Traditional surgery doesn’t seem so bad now, does it? |
1.3307 |
0.05368 |
127 |
94 |
24 |
9 |
949 |
Try not to gain any weight this year.
Next year could be dangerous |
1.3307 |
0.04750 |
127 |
89 |
34 |
4 |
950 |
So I hear you'd like to donate your body to science. |
1.3306 |
0.05213 |
124 |
90 |
27 |
7 |
951 |
That was from the double blind portion of the trial. |
1.3306 |
0.05213 |
124 |
90 |
27 |
7 |
952 |
I’m generally more accurate when I do vasectomies. |
1.3306 |
0.05458 |
124 |
92 |
23 |
9 |
953 |
If you can stand there for twelve throws, you don't need any kind of tranquilizer. |
1.3306 |
0.04894 |
121 |
85 |
32 |
4 |
954 |
Don’t worry, it’s covered by your insurance. |
1.3305 |
0.05903 |
118 |
90 |
17 |
11 |
955 |
That was a good warmup. Now I'm ready for your surgery. |
1.3305 |
0.05523 |
118 |
87 |
23 |
8 |
956 |
If I miss you’ll be a TikTok sensation. |
1.3305 |
0.06025 |
118 |
91 |
15 |
12 |
957 |
As you can see, my success rate is impeccable. |
1.3305 |
0.05523 |
118 |
87 |
23 |
8 |
958 |
And here’s the zero deductible option… |
1.3304 |
0.05757 |
115 |
86 |
20 |
9 |
959 |
Physician, magician, potato, potahto... do you want the assistant gig or not? |
1.3304 |
0.05439 |
112 |
81 |
25 |
6 |
960 |
And to think I started at the carnival with just an apple. |
1.3303 |
0.05383 |
109 |
78 |
26 |
5 |
961 |
I'm aiming to get clear margins, but you can never be certain. |
1.3303 |
0.05057 |
109 |
76 |
30 |
3 |
962 |
It’s this or radiation. Your call. |
1.3299 |
0.05623 |
97 |
69 |
24 |
4 |
963 |
Okay! Now let’s try a few with you in there. |
1.3298 |
0.06307 |
94 |
70 |
17 |
7 |
964 |
This phase of the operation isn't technically necessary but it helps us unwind. Plus, you'll be out like a light. |
1.3293 |
0.04746 |
164 |
122 |
30 |
12 |
965 |
Clean margins are my specialty. |
1.3289 |
0.04989 |
149 |
111 |
27 |
11 |
966 |
It’s a hit or miss procedure. |
1.3286 |
0.05311 |
140 |
106 |
22 |
12 |
967 |
It’s perfectly safe — just don’t turn your head or cough. |
1.3286 |
0.04909 |
140 |
102 |
30 |
8 |
968 |
This time we need to go in. |
1.3285 |
0.04981 |
137 |
100 |
29 |
8 |
969 |
We intend to surgically remove that negative energy that surrounds you. |
1.3285 |
0.05394 |
137 |
104 |
21 |
12 |
970 |
Don’t worry Steve, this is why we practice. |
1.3285 |
0.05192 |
137 |
102 |
25 |
10 |
971 |
Try not to move outside the silouette. |
1.3284 |
0.05165 |
134 |
99 |
26 |
9 |
972 |
Why don't you step up here and we'll collect a stool sample. |
1.3284 |
0.05378 |
134 |
101 |
22 |
11 |
973 |
Now let’s check your prostate. |
1.3282 |
0.05247 |
131 |
97 |
25 |
9 |
974 |
As you can see, there’s not a lot of risk involved. |
1.3280 |
0.04789 |
125 |
88 |
33 |
4 |
975 |
As you can see, I´m yet to miss. |
1.3280 |
0.05301 |
125 |
92 |
25 |
8 |
976 |
And our parents said I’d never cut it as a surgeon. |
1.3280 |
0.04922 |
125 |
89 |
31 |
5 |
977 |
Don’t move or this will cost you and arm and a leg. |
1.3280 |
0.05421 |
125 |
93 |
23 |
9 |
978 |
See, you don't need surgery. |
1.3280 |
0.04922 |
125 |
89 |
31 |
5 |
979 |
Would YOU like a blindfold too? |
1.3279 |
0.05390 |
122 |
90 |
24 |
8 |
980 |
It is important you stand very still. |
1.3279 |
0.04861 |
122 |
86 |
32 |
4 |
981 |
Our Group Practice best serves those able to stay within the lines. |
1.3279 |
0.05390 |
122 |
90 |
24 |
8 |
982 |
Incessant hiccups? Step right up. |
1.3279 |
0.05132 |
122 |
88 |
28 |
6 |
983 |
Any questions? |
1.3279 |
0.04861 |
122 |
86 |
32 |
4 |
984 |
We have found that stand up surgery works well as long you don’t flinch. |
1.3279 |
0.05132 |
122 |
88 |
28 |
6 |
985 |
The problem is you lack a magnetic personality. |
1.3279 |
0.04861 |
122 |
86 |
32 |
4 |
986 |
As you can see, I have skills. |
1.3277 |
0.05483 |
119 |
88 |
23 |
8 |
987 |
One more for the road? |
1.3276 |
0.05162 |
116 |
83 |
28 |
5 |
988 |
You’re my first vasectomy. |
1.3276 |
0.05445 |
116 |
85 |
24 |
7 |
989 |
I need to know you trust me. |
1.3276 |
0.05714 |
116 |
87 |
20 |
9 |
990 |
Is there a reason it's been so long since your last visit? |
1.3276 |
0.05970 |
116 |
89 |
16 |
11 |
991 |
'awww c'mon..there's only one left! now get back in there!' |
1.3276 |
0.05445 |
116 |
85 |
24 |
7 |
992 |
Show me where it hurts. |
1.3274 |
0.05250 |
113 |
81 |
27 |
5 |
993 |
It's our least invasive option. |
1.3274 |
0.05250 |
113 |
81 |
27 |
5 |
994 |
Based on my experience, I'd say that your odds are twelve to one. |
1.3273 |
0.05184 |
110 |
78 |
28 |
4 |
995 |
It can be a hit or miss proposition. |
1.3273 |
0.05792 |
110 |
82 |
20 |
8 |
996 |
Of course, you'll be lying down for the actual procedure. |
1.3273 |
0.05496 |
110 |
80 |
24 |
6 |
997 |
Well, that concludes your preauthorization process. |
1.3273 |
0.05792 |
110 |
82 |
20 |
8 |
998 |
You know, I wasn't always a doctor. |
1.3273 |
0.05496 |
110 |
80 |
24 |
6 |
999 |
Let's do a stress test. |
1.3271 |
0.05599 |
107 |
78 |
23 |
6 |
1000 |
Hospitals are low on staff lately, so we've adapted our surgery options. |
1.3267 |
0.05648 |
101 |
73 |
23 |
5 |
1001 |
I took a stab at your diagnosis and found you suffer from anxiety. |
1.3265 |
0.04745 |
147 |
107 |
32 |
8 |
1002 |
You know what they say...it's called 'practicing medicine' for a reason. |
1.3265 |
0.06115 |
98 |
73 |
18 |
7 |
1003 |
Yes, it does look impressive, but full disclosure, I was trying to remove a gallbladder. |
1.3265 |
0.05213 |
147 |
112 |
22 |
13 |
1004 |
Stop me when it hurts. |
1.3265 |
0.05184 |
98 |
68 |
28 |
2 |
1005 |
It’s ok, I won’t wear the blindfold for the operation. |
1.3259 |
0.05133 |
135 |
100 |
26 |
9 |
1006 |
Your insurance covers one more knife throw. |
1.3259 |
0.05239 |
135 |
101 |
24 |
10 |
1007 |
Everyone has two jobs these days. |
1.3256 |
0.05181 |
129 |
95 |
26 |
8 |
1008 |
'Let's make your vasectomy more exciting!' |
1.3256 |
0.05297 |
129 |
96 |
24 |
9 |
1009 |
It may seem unusual, but it's part of the mental health screening now required by your HMO. |
1.3252 |
0.05353 |
123 |
91 |
24 |
8 |
1010 |
The new “cutting edge” technique I was telling you about |
1.3252 |
0.05227 |
123 |
90 |
26 |
7 |
1011 |
Let's try the last knife now, just for the hell of it. |
1.3252 |
0.05097 |
123 |
89 |
28 |
6 |
1012 |
Yes, we sterilize the knives between patients. |
1.3252 |
0.05227 |
123 |
90 |
26 |
7 |
1013 |
The trick is to first throw the knives, then draw the outline. |
1.3252 |
0.05227 |
123 |
90 |
26 |
7 |
1014 |
Fear is the new keto. |
1.3252 |
0.05596 |
123 |
93 |
20 |
10 |
1015 |
It’s important to find a doctor you can trust. |
1.3250 |
0.04903 |
120 |
85 |
31 |
4 |
1016 |
Well, yes. I suppose there is always a first time. |
1.3250 |
0.05444 |
120 |
89 |
23 |
8 |
1017 |
As with any procedure, there's an element of risk. |
1.3250 |
0.05044 |
120 |
86 |
29 |
5 |
1018 |
It’s a quick, convenient treatment for relieving constipation. |
1.3250 |
0.05571 |
120 |
90 |
21 |
9 |
1019 |
As you can see, I am good with a knife. |
1.3250 |
0.05444 |
120 |
89 |
23 |
8 |
1020 |
The procedure is completely safe. |
1.3250 |
0.05181 |
120 |
87 |
27 |
6 |
1021 |
This is how I warmed up to get ready to operate on you ! |
1.3250 |
0.05314 |
120 |
88 |
25 |
7 |
1022 |
If you'd prefer, my colleague Dr Romanoff just down the hall does Russian Roulette. |
1.3250 |
0.05314 |
120 |
88 |
25 |
7 |
1023 |
This is the best your healthcare plan offers. |
1.3250 |
0.04903 |
120 |
85 |
31 |
4 |
1024 |
This next test is almost 100% accurate. |
1.3248 |
0.05406 |
117 |
86 |
24 |
7 |
1025 |
This last one may hurt a little bit. |
1.3248 |
0.05540 |
117 |
87 |
22 |
8 |
1026 |
So now we know your problem isn't in your aura. Please resume the position: I'm going to check your chakras. |
1.3248 |
0.05540 |
117 |
87 |
22 |
8 |
1027 |
Let me outline the basics of your upcoming surgery. |
1.3246 |
0.05212 |
114 |
82 |
27 |
5 |
1028 |
Yes, its a risky procedure, but if it works, the possibilities for dinner time conversations are endless. |
1.3246 |
0.05777 |
114 |
86 |
19 |
9 |
1029 |
... And if I miss, BOTH your surgeries are on us. |
1.3246 |
0.05910 |
114 |
87 |
17 |
10 |
1030 |
We’ll, at least it’s not colonoscopy. |
1.3246 |
0.05359 |
114 |
83 |
25 |
6 |
1031 |
Your insurance has outlined a plan for you. |
1.3246 |
0.05641 |
114 |
85 |
21 |
8 |
1032 |
Interns. |
1.3246 |
0.05359 |
114 |
83 |
25 |
6 |
1033 |
I like to practice here before we go into the surgical suite. |
1.3243 |
0.04984 |
111 |
78 |
30 |
3 |
1034 |
My methods are generally hit or miss. |
1.3241 |
0.04979 |
145 |
108 |
27 |
10 |
1035 |
Sure it’s a bit unconventional, but we found that this is 500% more effective than a regular stress test. |
1.3241 |
0.04882 |
145 |
107 |
29 |
9 |
1036 |
And they said dermatology was no fun |
1.3241 |
0.05234 |
108 |
77 |
27 |
4 |
1037 |
Inconclusive. We need to run this test again. |
1.3241 |
0.05555 |
108 |
79 |
23 |
6 |
1038 |
Thank you for entering our double blind clinical trial |
1.3241 |
0.05708 |
108 |
80 |
21 |
7 |
1039 |
I'm even better on the inside. |
1.3239 |
0.05246 |
142 |
108 |
22 |
12 |
1040 |
I am much better with my contacts in. |
1.3239 |
0.04746 |
142 |
103 |
32 |
7 |
1041 |
Any questions before we begin? |
1.3239 |
0.04952 |
142 |
105 |
28 |
9 |
1042 |
My mother always told me to have a backup career.” |
1.3238 |
0.05327 |
105 |
75 |
26 |
4 |
1043 |
So, where did you feel the sharp pain? |
1.3237 |
0.05025 |
139 |
103 |
27 |
9 |
1044 |
If you don't move, it won't hurt... |
1.3233 |
0.04719 |
133 |
95 |
33 |
5 |
1045 |
Say hello to my misses. |
1.3233 |
0.05179 |
133 |
99 |
25 |
9 |
1046 |
I went to med school on an axe-throwing scholarship. |
1.3231 |
0.05591 |
130 |
100 |
18 |
12 |
1047 |
No problem Lot's of my patients have had some initial difficult providing a urine sample |
1.3231 |
0.05262 |
130 |
97 |
24 |
9 |
1048 |
And now let's do a little test of your anal sphincter. |
1.3229 |
0.05829 |
96 |
70 |
21 |
5 |
1049 |
Only one place for me to throw this last knife." |
1.3228 |
0.04985 |
127 |
92 |
29 |
6 |
1050 |
It’s precision before the incision. |
1.3228 |
0.05230 |
127 |
94 |
25 |
8 |
1051 |
Your heart rate was higher than usual but the blood test came back negative. |
1.3226 |
0.05438 |
124 |
93 |
22 |
9 |
1052 |
How's your insurance? |
1.3226 |
0.06334 |
93 |
70 |
16 |
7 |
1053 |
If I miss you, we operate; if I don't, we operate. Deal? |
1.3226 |
0.06334 |
93 |
70 |
16 |
7 |
1054 |
It may not be the best way to test your reflexes, but your insurance covers it. |
1.3226 |
0.05674 |
124 |
95 |
18 |
11 |
1055 |
Your weight loss may have added years to your life |
1.3226 |
0.04797 |
124 |
88 |
32 |
4 |
1056 |
Or, you could finally agree to undergo the colonoscopy I’ve been recommending all these years! |
1.3223 |
0.05532 |
121 |
91 |
21 |
9 |
1057 |
You get where this is going, right? |
1.3223 |
0.05277 |
121 |
89 |
25 |
7 |
1058 |
Are you superstitious? |
1.3220 |
0.05367 |
118 |
87 |
24 |
7 |
1059 |
One to go. |
1.3220 |
0.05090 |
118 |
85 |
28 |
5 |
1060 |
If we don’t cure it at least we scare the crap out if it… |
1.3220 |
0.05630 |
118 |
89 |
20 |
9 |
1061 |
They say I’m the best. Do you have an apple on you? |
1.3220 |
0.05500 |
118 |
88 |
22 |
8 |
1062 |
It tests your fear response and my degree of intoxication. |
1.3220 |
0.05500 |
118 |
88 |
22 |
8 |
1063 |
Your initial stress test was inconclusive. |
1.3217 |
0.05599 |
115 |
86 |
21 |
8 |
1064 |
This time with your legs and arms spread, Mr. Vitruvius. |
1.3217 |
0.05461 |
115 |
85 |
23 |
7 |
1065 |
Do you prefer anesthesia or a blindfold? |
1.3217 |
0.05024 |
115 |
82 |
29 |
4 |
1066 |
So…that’ll be $10,000 |
1.3217 |
0.05461 |
115 |
85 |
23 |
7 |
1067 |
If there isn't some risk involved, it isn't a real treatment |
1.3217 |
0.05461 |
115 |
85 |
23 |
7 |
1068 |
Have you been circumcised? |
1.3217 |
0.05119 |
143 |
108 |
24 |
11 |
1069 |
No need to worry, I took the Hippocratic Oath. |
1.3214 |
0.05107 |
112 |
80 |
28 |
4 |
1070 |
Under the knife is an old idea. |
1.3214 |
0.05413 |
112 |
82 |
24 |
6 |
1071 |
Of course, you can't see my misses. |
1.3214 |
0.05842 |
112 |
85 |
18 |
9 |
1072 |
All we have left to do is measure the in-seam. |
1.3211 |
0.05812 |
109 |
82 |
19 |
8 |
1073 |
We don't use the term "Bullseye." |
1.3211 |
0.05956 |
109 |
83 |
17 |
9 |
1074 |
This really helps me relax before surgery. |
1.3209 |
0.04808 |
134 |
97 |
31 |
6 |
1075 |
No worries, as you can see I’m 100% successful with outlines of patients drawn on plywood. A real person should be no different. |
1.3209 |
0.05254 |
134 |
101 |
23 |
10 |
1076 |
Is this covered by insurance? |
1.3208 |
0.05286 |
106 |
76 |
26 |
4 |
1077 |
We've been throwing everything we have at it, but we still don't know what your problem is. |
1.3208 |
0.05453 |
106 |
77 |
24 |
5 |
1078 |
Don't worry, you shouldn't feel a thing. |
1.3208 |
0.05773 |
106 |
79 |
20 |
7 |
1079 |
Being a surgeon and my true passion pretty much go hand in hand. |
1.3206 |
0.04998 |
131 |
96 |
28 |
7 |
1080 |
Have you heard of targeted medicine? |
1.3204 |
0.05556 |
103 |
75 |
23 |
5 |
1081 |
If you fall within the parameters of normal, you don't need to worry. |
1.3204 |
0.05888 |
103 |
77 |
19 |
7 |
1082 |
No. This test is not covered by insurance. |
1.3204 |
0.05382 |
103 |
74 |
25 |
4 |
1083 |
Relax. I'm good with a knife. |
1.3204 |
0.05556 |
103 |
75 |
23 |
5 |
1084 |
Next to magic, hiccup mitigation is my specialty. |
1.3203 |
0.05312 |
128 |
96 |
23 |
9 |
1085 |
You see? No need to worry! |
1.3203 |
0.05195 |
128 |
95 |
25 |
8 |
1086 |
I have a 97% success rate |
1.3203 |
0.05312 |
128 |
96 |
23 |
9 |
1087 |
It was actually an honorary doctorate degree from Coney Island. |
1.3203 |
0.05312 |
128 |
96 |
23 |
9 |
1088 |
How familiar are you with ‘survivorship bias’? |
1.3203 |
0.05312 |
128 |
96 |
23 |
9 |
1089 |
This is the only procedure your insurance will cover, but I’ve been practicing! |
1.3200 |
0.05029 |
125 |
91 |
28 |
6 |
1090 |
Of course, all you're seeing here are my misses. |
1.3200 |
0.05156 |
125 |
92 |
26 |
7 |
1091 |
Your insurance classifies this as a carve-out |
1.3200 |
0.06010 |
100 |
75 |
18 |
7 |
1092 |
It's cutting edge. |
1.3200 |
0.05664 |
100 |
73 |
22 |
5 |
1093 |
This is a pre-op requirement by my malpractice insurance |
1.3200 |
0.04899 |
125 |
90 |
30 |
5 |
1094 |
It's our last resort treatment for constipation. |
1.3200 |
0.05664 |
100 |
73 |
22 |
5 |
1095 |
Well it's cheaper than an MRI |
1.3197 |
0.05492 |
122 |
92 |
21 |
9 |
1096 |
We find the phrase 'to go under the knife' to be a little outdated. |
1.3197 |
0.05368 |
122 |
91 |
23 |
8 |
1097 |
No, not FDA approved yet, but preliminary studies indicate it's a highly effective weight loss motivator |
1.3196 |
0.05778 |
97 |
71 |
21 |
5 |
1098 |
It’s a kind of hit or miss therapy. |
1.3193 |
0.05460 |
119 |
89 |
22 |
8 |
1099 |
No, I can’t give you the names of my other patients .. |
1.3191 |
0.04964 |
141 |
105 |
27 |
9 |
1100 |
Ready for your vasectomy? |
1.3190 |
0.05281 |
116 |
85 |
25 |
6 |
1101 |
I also do circumcisions. |
1.3190 |
0.05137 |
116 |
84 |
27 |
5 |
1102 |
My treatment is guaranteed to improve your posture. |
1.3188 |
0.05037 |
138 |
103 |
26 |
9 |
1103 |
'C'mon . . . double or nothin' . . ." |
1.3186 |
0.05518 |
113 |
84 |
22 |
7 |
1104 |
"Would you mind giving me one more shot at the appendix?" |
1.3186 |
0.05518 |
113 |
84 |
22 |
7 |
1105 |
With or without the gown. Your choice. |
1.3186 |
0.05932 |
113 |
87 |
16 |
10 |
1106 |
We take both health and life insurance. |
1.3186 |
0.05373 |
113 |
83 |
24 |
6 |
1107 |
I just need to check your reflexes. |
1.3185 |
0.04541 |
135 |
96 |
35 |
4 |
1108 |
You always told mom you wanted to be in the circus. |
1.3185 |
0.04893 |
135 |
99 |
29 |
7 |
1109 |
This is the imaging your insurance covers. |
1.3182 |
0.05620 |
110 |
82 |
21 |
7 |
1110 |
I specialize in non-invasive surgery. |
1.3182 |
0.05766 |
110 |
83 |
19 |
8 |
1111 |
Now, can I get you to sign the informed consent? |
1.3182 |
0.05314 |
110 |
80 |
25 |
5 |
1112 |
It was medicine or knife-throwing. Then I thought, why not both? |
1.3182 |
0.05469 |
110 |
81 |
23 |
6 |
1113 |
Dont worry Mr Smith, I have one more idea to get rid of those hiccups. |
1.3182 |
0.06185 |
110 |
86 |
13 |
11 |
1114 |
You see, this is a perfectly safe procedure. |
1.3182 |
0.05469 |
110 |
81 |
23 |
6 |
1115 |
It’s minimally invasive. |
1.3182 |
0.04848 |
132 |
96 |
30 |
6 |
1116 |
It's a simple non-invasive test for IBS. |
1.3182 |
0.05620 |
110 |
82 |
21 |
7 |
1117 |
It’s easier if you face the board. |
1.3182 |
0.04727 |
132 |
95 |
32 |
5 |
1118 |
Who referred you to my practice? |
1.3182 |
0.05469 |
110 |
81 |
23 |
6 |
1119 |
Don't worry. You'll be anesthetized |
1.3178 |
0.05501 |
129 |
99 |
19 |
11 |
1120 |
The procedure is based on some cutting edge research. |
1.3178 |
0.05276 |
129 |
97 |
23 |
9 |
1121 |
One more attempt? |
1.3178 |
0.04920 |
129 |
94 |
29 |
6 |
1122 |
As you can see, my specialty is in non-invasive surgery. |
1.3178 |
0.05245 |
107 |
77 |
26 |
4 |
1123 |
Side effects can include death. |
1.3175 |
0.05243 |
126 |
94 |
24 |
8 |
1124 |
You'll be my first attempt at a "between-the-legs" throw. |
1.3173 |
0.05997 |
104 |
79 |
17 |
8 |
1125 |
This is our least invasive and cheapest surgery. |
1.3173 |
0.05511 |
104 |
76 |
23 |
5 |
1126 |
It’s a new take on the stress test. Like a treadmill could ever tell us anything? |
1.3171 |
0.04941 |
123 |
89 |
29 |
5 |
1127 |
Now that I'm warmed up, let's do the prostatectomy. |
1.3171 |
0.05454 |
123 |
93 |
21 |
9 |
1128 |
I think we’re ready to take that appendix out now. |
1.3171 |
0.05204 |
123 |
91 |
25 |
7 |
1129 |
Diagnosing is all about throwing things at the wall and seeing what sticks. |
1.3168 |
0.05437 |
101 |
73 |
24 |
4 |
1130 |
This procedure will cost you an arm and a leg. |
1.3168 |
0.05790 |
101 |
75 |
20 |
6 |
1131 |
My wife says I have issues with personal boundaries. |
1.3168 |
0.05617 |
101 |
74 |
22 |
5 |
1132 |
Unfortunately, the surgery was unsuccessful |
1.3168 |
0.05959 |
101 |
76 |
18 |
7 |
1133 |
By the time therapy is complete that blocked urinary tract should be functioning just fine! |
1.3167 |
0.05421 |
120 |
90 |
22 |
8 |
1134 |
So you're here for your thirteenth opinion? |
1.3167 |
0.04877 |
120 |
86 |
30 |
4 |
1135 |
This hobby and a simple hiccup is what eventually got me interested in surgery. |
1.3162 |
0.04953 |
117 |
84 |
29 |
4 |
1136 |
100% success rate |
1.3162 |
0.05100 |
117 |
85 |
27 |
5 |
1137 |
You have one knife left. Care to gamble? |
1.3162 |
0.05081 |
136 |
102 |
25 |
9 |
1138 |
Nurse Bobbitt will see you now for your prostate exam. |
1.3162 |
0.04973 |
136 |
101 |
27 |
8 |
1139 |
I attended the PT Barnum School of Medicine. |
1.3162 |
0.04973 |
136 |
101 |
27 |
8 |
1140 |
This is the part of your exam where we test your anxiety level. |
1.3162 |
0.05081 |
136 |
102 |
25 |
9 |
1141 |
you see,you've got nothing to worry about |
1.3162 |
0.04862 |
136 |
100 |
29 |
7 |
1142 |
Would you like a local anesthetic? |
1.3158 |
0.05886 |
114 |
88 |
16 |
10 |
1143 |
First we'll do my eye test. |
1.3158 |
0.05033 |
114 |
82 |
28 |
4 |
1144 |
There are some minor risks with this procedure. |
1.3158 |
0.05847 |
95 |
70 |
20 |
5 |
1145 |
The chances for success are slim, but let’s take a stab at it. |
1.3158 |
0.05160 |
133 |
100 |
24 |
9 |
1146 |
And I don’t even need malpractice insurance to do this |
1.3158 |
0.05160 |
133 |
100 |
24 |
9 |
1147 |
Well, Richard, it’s time for your vasectomy. |
1.3158 |
0.04817 |
133 |
97 |
30 |
6 |
1148 |
Patients actually prefer the more invasive procedure |
1.3154 |
0.05126 |
130 |
97 |
25 |
8 |
1149 |
pull up your drape and standup against the wall---I only have one throw left and I feel very lucky this morning! |
1.3154 |
0.05126 |
130 |
97 |
25 |
8 |
1150 |
Good news,Mr. Katz. Your stress test results appear normal. |
1.3153 |
0.05862 |
111 |
85 |
17 |
9 |
1151 |
You might feel a slight pinch. |
1.3153 |
0.05116 |
111 |
80 |
27 |
4 |
1152 |
Your insurance might not cover this. |
1.3153 |
0.05721 |
111 |
84 |
19 |
8 |
1153 |
We’ll do a trial of targeted therapy |
1.3153 |
0.05576 |
111 |
83 |
21 |
7 |
1154 |
I told you losing some weight would benefit you. |
1.3153 |
0.05427 |
111 |
82 |
23 |
6 |
1155 |
Granted, it’s not the traditional way of removing a mole. |
1.3150 |
0.04835 |
127 |
92 |
30 |
5 |
1156 |
Before this method, vasectomies were just too routine for me. |
1.3148 |
0.05368 |
108 |
79 |
24 |
5 |
1157 |
Your plan probably covers this. |
1.3148 |
0.05204 |
108 |
78 |
26 |
4 |
1158 |
See, you can trust me. |
1.3148 |
0.05035 |
108 |
77 |
28 |
3 |
1159 |
Stop complaining, Mom told us both to go to medical school. |
1.3148 |
0.05681 |
108 |
81 |
20 |
7 |
1160 |
I always hone my skills before vasectomies |
1.3148 |
0.05368 |
108 |
79 |
24 |
5 |
1161 |
Now, I am also doing appendicitis. |
1.3146 |
0.06510 |
89 |
68 |
14 |
7 |
1162 |
It's just a little hobby to calm myself before surgeries. |
1.3146 |
0.06105 |
89 |
66 |
18 |
5 |
1163 |
Not bad for a proctologist. |
1.3145 |
0.05168 |
124 |
92 |
25 |
7 |
1164 |
It’s what we call a can’t miss procedure. |
1.3145 |
0.05039 |
124 |
91 |
27 |
6 |
1165 |
I must confess, in my line of work we’re actually supposed to hit the body with it. |
1.3145 |
0.04908 |
124 |
90 |
29 |
5 |
1166 |
And now you can breathe out. |
1.3145 |
0.04908 |
124 |
90 |
29 |
5 |
1167 |
Yes, this is a teaching hospital. The freshman knife throwing class was in here last. |
1.3143 |
0.04764 |
140 |
103 |
30 |
7 |
1168 |
Anywhere against the board's OK. |
1.3143 |
0.05276 |
140 |
108 |
20 |
12 |
1169 |
And believe it or not,this treatment is covered by most HMOs ! |
1.3139 |
0.04605 |
137 |
99 |
33 |
5 |
1170 |
There is still a spot between your legs! |
1.3137 |
0.06382 |
102 |
80 |
12 |
10 |
1171 |
So far I'm batting 100 per cent. |
1.3137 |
0.05020 |
102 |
72 |
28 |
2 |
1172 |
Surgery can be hit or miss. |
1.3137 |
0.05393 |
102 |
74 |
24 |
4 |
1173 |
Great, I think I'm warmed up now. |
1.3136 |
0.05205 |
118 |
87 |
25 |
6 |
1174 |
Sir, this is cutting-edge technology… |
1.3134 |
0.05016 |
134 |
100 |
26 |
8 |
1175 |
Yes, your aura-ectomy went very well. |
1.3134 |
0.05016 |
134 |
100 |
26 |
8 |
1176 |
It works best when you assume the worst. |
1.3131 |
0.05304 |
99 |
71 |
25 |
3 |
1177 |
It's not an exact science. |
1.3130 |
0.05435 |
115 |
86 |
22 |
7 |
1178 |
Most effective treatment we have for constipation . |
1.3130 |
0.05709 |
115 |
88 |
18 |
9 |
1179 |
The least invasive procedure doesn’t appear to be working. |
1.3130 |
0.05293 |
115 |
85 |
24 |
6 |
1180 |
Trust me, I always miss. |
1.3130 |
0.04857 |
131 |
96 |
29 |
6 |
1181 |
The ones that land inside the outline don't leave marks. |
1.3130 |
0.05428 |
131 |
101 |
19 |
11 |
1182 |
and then the flamethrower cauterizes the wound. |
1.3129 |
0.05090 |
147 |
113 |
22 |
12 |
1183 |
Would you like a blindfold? |
1.3125 |
0.05533 |
112 |
84 |
21 |
7 |
1184 |
Don't worry, we're more accurate when the patient is three dimensional. |
1.3125 |
0.05602 |
96 |
70 |
22 |
4 |
1185 |
Time for the stress test. Our treadmill is on the fritz. |
1.3125 |
0.05795 |
96 |
71 |
20 |
5 |
1186 |
As you see, my bypass rates are very good. |
1.3125 |
0.05234 |
112 |
82 |
25 |
5 |
1187 |
I'm afraid that you haven't gotten the point. |
1.3125 |
0.05602 |
96 |
70 |
22 |
4 |
1188 |
We'll adjust your meds based oh how you handle stress. It only takes a minute |
1.3125 |
0.05533 |
112 |
84 |
21 |
7 |
1189 |
Now do you trust that I’m good with a scalpel? |
1.3125 |
0.04929 |
128 |
94 |
28 |
6 |
1190 |
You're my first vasectomy as a circus performer. |
1.3120 |
0.05133 |
125 |
93 |
25 |
7 |
1191 |
I'd like to redo the procedure to make sure we didn't miss anything. |
1.3120 |
0.04875 |
125 |
91 |
29 |
5 |
1192 |
It's important that you trust your surgeon. |
1.3120 |
0.05005 |
125 |
92 |
27 |
6 |
1193 |
Just a little warm-up exercise before performing your open heart surgery... |
1.3120 |
0.05005 |
125 |
92 |
27 |
6 |
1194 |
As your twin brother are you sure you trust me on this |
1.3120 |
0.04740 |
125 |
90 |
31 |
4 |
1195 |
You did well on the startle test. |
1.3119 |
0.04824 |
109 |
77 |
30 |
2 |
1196 |
No, this procedure is not covered by medicare. |
1.3119 |
0.05326 |
109 |
80 |
24 |
5 |
1197 |
They don't call me Steady Freddy for nothing. |
1.3119 |
0.05483 |
109 |
81 |
22 |
6 |
1198 |
To improve their confidence before surgery, I like to show my patients my skills with a knife. Go stand there. |
1.3118 |
0.05508 |
93 |
67 |
23 |
3 |
1199 |
I put all my patients under the knife. |
1.3115 |
0.05216 |
122 |
91 |
24 |
7 |
1200 |
So ask yourself... are ya feeling lucky! |
1.3115 |
0.05470 |
122 |
93 |
20 |
9 |
1201 |
Your insurance doesn’t cover the wheel. |
1.3115 |
0.05344 |
122 |
92 |
22 |
8 |
1202 |
Laxatives are for cowards. |
1.3115 |
0.05085 |
122 |
90 |
26 |
6 |
1203 |
my patients stay really motivated to lose weight, Mr. Jones |
1.3115 |
0.05470 |
122 |
93 |
20 |
9 |
1204 |
You do realize that this surgery carries some risks |
1.3115 |
0.05085 |
122 |
90 |
26 |
6 |
1205 |
'You can see I use cutting-edge technology." |
1.3115 |
0.05344 |
122 |
92 |
22 |
8 |
1206 |
If you weren’t my twin brother, I’d suspect something fishy here. |
1.3115 |
0.05216 |
122 |
91 |
24 |
7 |
1207 |
You don't have anything to worry about. I'm even better with a scalpel. |
1.3113 |
0.05080 |
106 |
76 |
27 |
3 |
1208 |
# Pay your bill. |
1.3113 |
0.05586 |
106 |
79 |
21 |
6 |
1209 |
I’ll also prescribe you some painkillers to treat any stabbing pain you might suffer. |
1.3113 |
0.05423 |
106 |
78 |
23 |
5 |
1210 |
They'll have to give me my license back when they see this one. |
1.3111 |
0.06047 |
90 |
67 |
18 |
5 |
1211 |
Now put an apple on your head, and we're good to go. |
1.3111 |
0.06250 |
90 |
68 |
16 |
6 |
1212 |
Why don’t you let me take a stab at it? |
1.3109 |
0.05167 |
119 |
88 |
25 |
6 |
1213 |
It’s why they call
it the practice of surgery. |
1.3107 |
0.05694 |
103 |
77 |
20 |
6 |
1214 |
So, I’ve narrowed the problem to somewhere within this area. |
1.3107 |
0.05858 |
103 |
78 |
18 |
7 |
1215 |
I still don't have a diagnosis, but let me take one more stab at it. |
1.3107 |
0.05349 |
103 |
75 |
24 |
4 |
1216 |
I'd say your odds are about even. |
1.3106 |
0.04451 |
132 |
94 |
35 |
3 |
1217 |
Unfortunately, your insurance doesn’t cover the blindfold |
1.3106 |
0.04825 |
132 |
97 |
29 |
6 |
1218 |
Trust the process. |
1.3103 |
0.05110 |
116 |
85 |
26 |
5 |
1219 |
I’ll be in and out in no time. |
1.3103 |
0.04961 |
116 |
84 |
28 |
4 |
1220 |
This is not what I meant when I agreed to go under the knife. |
1.3103 |
0.05532 |
116 |
88 |
20 |
8 |
1221 |
Trust me, this works much better than acupuncture. |
1.3103 |
0.06185 |
87 |
65 |
17 |
5 |
1222 |
Once you sign the Consent Form and the Financial Agreement, you can approach the procedure with complete confidence that you will probably survive with only minor side effects that may include pain, infection, nausea, heart attack, or even death. |
1.3103 |
0.05666 |
116 |
89 |
18 |
9 |
1223 |
Your HMO won't cover stents, but stunts are on the house |
1.3103 |
0.05797 |
116 |
90 |
16 |
10 |
1224 |
Those are your options for full insurance coverage. |
1.3101 |
0.05369 |
129 |
99 |
20 |
10 |
1225 |
I like to add a little showmanship to an otherwise tedious circumcision procedure. |
1.3100 |
0.06146 |
100 |
77 |
15 |
8 |
1226 |
They said, With an arm like that you could be throwing strikes for the Yankees. I chose thoracic surgery instead. |
1.3097 |
0.05195 |
113 |
83 |
25 |
5 |
1227 |
Let's see a virtual doctor do that. |
1.3097 |
0.05491 |
113 |
85 |
21 |
7 |
1228 |
Any questions about the procedure? |
1.3097 |
0.05345 |
113 |
84 |
23 |
6 |
1229 |
Around the fifth knife, you should not be constipated anymore. |
1.3097 |
0.05907 |
113 |
88 |
15 |
10 |
1230 |
It's a routine procedure. |
1.3097 |
0.04537 |
155 |
115 |
32 |
8 |
1231 |
I would've sworn he was right there. |
1.3093 |
0.05152 |
97 |
69 |
26 |
2 |
1232 |
The new stress test designed by the same guy who did our patient portal. |
1.3091 |
0.05592 |
110 |
83 |
20 |
7 |
1233 |
Try to think of something else… |
1.3091 |
0.05125 |
110 |
80 |
26 |
4 |
1234 |
I studied acupuncture at Le Cordon Bleu. |
1.3091 |
0.05441 |
110 |
82 |
22 |
6 |
1235 |
We don’t bill for the misses; otherwise we would be audited for unnecessary surgery. |
1.3089 |
0.04637 |
123 |
88 |
32 |
3 |
1236 |
I learned this technique while working at Coney Island Hospital. |
1.3089 |
0.05180 |
123 |
92 |
24 |
7 |
1237 |
The first cut is the deepest. |
1.3089 |
0.05049 |
123 |
91 |
26 |
6 |
1238 |
Your new medical plan does not cover invasive procedures. |
1.3089 |
0.05307 |
123 |
93 |
22 |
8 |
1239 |
Great incentive to lose the weight |
1.3089 |
0.05671 |
123 |
96 |
16 |
11 |
1240 |
This is how I warm up prior to your actual surgery. |
1.3085 |
0.05863 |
94 |
70 |
19 |
5 |
1241 |
Don't worry ... it helps me relax before surgery. |
1.3085 |
0.05665 |
94 |
69 |
21 |
4 |
1242 |
Ok you will need to take off the robe for the last one and turn your head and cough |
1.3085 |
0.06422 |
94 |
73 |
13 |
8 |
1243 |
... but it's on the operating table that the magic truly happens. |
1.3085 |
0.05459 |
94 |
68 |
23 |
3 |
1244 |
There is just one more we have to place |
1.3084 |
0.05213 |
107 |
78 |
25 |
4 |
1245 |
It's a non-invasive procedure called acu-non-puncture... usually anyway. |
1.3084 |
0.05213 |
107 |
78 |
25 |
4 |
1246 |
This is a stress test combined with an occasional blood draw. |
1.3084 |
0.05698 |
107 |
81 |
19 |
7 |
1247 |
I can do this with my eyes closed. |
1.3084 |
0.05041 |
107 |
77 |
27 |
3 |
1248 |
Time to test your reflexes. |
1.3084 |
0.05379 |
107 |
79 |
23 |
5 |
1249 |
You should not worry about the co-pay |
1.3083 |
0.05265 |
120 |
90 |
23 |
7 |
1250 |
You may feel a sudden sharp pain but that is rare |
1.3083 |
0.05131 |
120 |
89 |
25 |
6 |
1251 |
You see? Nothing to worry about. |
1.3083 |
0.04992 |
120 |
88 |
27 |
5 |
1252 |
See? Nothing to be afraid of... Now go and stand there while I throw this last one. |
1.3083 |
0.05397 |
120 |
91 |
21 |
8 |
1253 |
You'll need a podiatrist for the feet. |
1.3083 |
0.04674 |
133 |
97 |
31 |
5 |
1254 |
Would a demonstration of my skills help you decide? |
1.3077 |
0.05073 |
117 |
86 |
26 |
5 |
1255 |
It's the vasectomies that get tricky |
1.3077 |
0.04925 |
117 |
85 |
28 |
4 |
1256 |
This procedure should jolt your sluggish adrenal system. |
1.3077 |
0.05491 |
117 |
89 |
20 |
8 |
1257 |
We’ve never lost an outline. |
1.3077 |
0.05479 |
104 |
77 |
22 |
5 |
1258 |
It really is minimally invasive. |
1.3077 |
0.05567 |
91 |
66 |
22 |
3 |
1259 |
I’ve got one more. Assume the position. |
1.3077 |
0.05104 |
130 |
98 |
24 |
8 |
1260 |
Don't worry, your HMO's got you covered. |
1.3077 |
0.05306 |
104 |
76 |
24 |
4 |
1261 |
I find vasectomies more interesting this way. |
1.3077 |
0.05104 |
130 |
98 |
24 |
8 |
1262 |
As you see, the last patient kept calm |
1.3077 |
0.05647 |
104 |
78 |
20 |
6 |
1263 |
My last patient managed to get only side effects. |
1.3077 |
0.05073 |
117 |
86 |
26 |
5 |
1264 |
Malpractice makes malperfect. |
1.3077 |
0.05073 |
117 |
86 |
26 |
5 |
1265 |
Don’t worry, I am much better in surgery. |
1.3077 |
0.04783 |
143 |
107 |
28 |
8 |
1266 |
You realize, this is only a rough outline. |
1.3077 |
0.05355 |
117 |
88 |
22 |
7 |
1267 |
Don't worry. I have plenty of practice. |
1.3077 |
0.04749 |
104 |
73 |
30 |
1 |
1268 |
The latest in cutting edge surgical technique! |
1.3077 |
0.05647 |
104 |
78 |
20 |
6 |
1269 |
I haven't needed to order any blood transfusions yet. |
1.3077 |
0.04454 |
117 |
82 |
34 |
1 |
1270 |
Stabbing pains can be a cau…er, symptom. |
1.3077 |
0.05990 |
91 |
68 |
18 |
5 |
1271 |
0 for 12. |
1.3077 |
0.05491 |
117 |
89 |
20 |
8 |
1272 |
As you can see, it’s totally safe and really helps us measure your stress tolerance. |
1.3071 |
0.05063 |
127 |
95 |
25 |
7 |
1273 |
Be happy I 'm not the resident. |
1.3071 |
0.05063 |
127 |
95 |
25 |
7 |
1274 |
I cannot emphasize enough how important it is to remain still during this procedure. |
1.3070 |
0.05590 |
114 |
87 |
19 |
8 |
1275 |
As you can see, 'minimally invasive' is a bit of an understatement. |
1.3070 |
0.04846 |
114 |
82 |
29 |
3 |
1276 |
I did my residency at a carnival midway. |
1.3070 |
0.05449 |
114 |
86 |
21 |
7 |
1277 |
As you can see, I'm pretty good at this. |
1.3069 |
0.05583 |
101 |
75 |
21 |
5 |
1278 |
Of course there are no marks from when you hit the guy |
1.3069 |
0.06092 |
101 |
78 |
15 |
8 |
1279 |
They say accuracy with a throwing knife won't translate to delicate surgery, but let's get in there and prove them all wrong! |
1.3069 |
0.05758 |
101 |
76 |
19 |
6 |
1280 |
It looks like we got clean margins. |
1.3069 |
0.05927 |
101 |
77 |
17 |
7 |
1281 |
A second opinion will only get you flaming chainsaws. |
1.3069 |
0.05583 |
101 |
75 |
21 |
5 |
1282 |
Correct. There's no mark on the wall when that happens. |
1.3068 |
0.05907 |
88 |
65 |
19 |
4 |
1283 |
'This is not what I had in mind when I said take a stab at the diagnosis.' |
1.3065 |
0.04746 |
124 |
90 |
30 |
4 |
1284 |
You passed the reflex test. Now let's see how well you stand still. |
1.3063 |
0.05086 |
111 |
81 |
26 |
4 |
1285 |
We’re out of apples. |
1.3063 |
0.05694 |
111 |
85 |
18 |
8 |
1286 |
What part of my recommendation that you go under the knife did you not understand. |
1.3063 |
0.05548 |
111 |
84 |
20 |
7 |
1287 |
I worked my way through med school as a knife thrower. |
1.3063 |
0.05086 |
111 |
81 |
26 |
4 |
1288 |
Surgery is always a bit hit or miss. |
1.3063 |
0.05086 |
111 |
81 |
26 |
4 |
1289 |
The advance directive is solely a precaution… |
1.3063 |
0.05399 |
111 |
83 |
22 |
6 |
1290 |
Scary? Ha, you should see the game the proctologists play. |
1.3061 |
0.05876 |
98 |
74 |
18 |
6 |
1291 |
All 13 knives for one low price. Plus, if you order today, we'll include a lifetime supply of Bandaids. |
1.3061 |
0.05876 |
98 |
74 |
18 |
6 |
1292 |
Last one between the legs? |
1.3061 |
0.05694 |
98 |
73 |
20 |
5 |
1293 |
I have good news and bad news |
1.3061 |
0.05506 |
98 |
72 |
22 |
4 |
1294 |
Exploratory surgery is rather hit-or-miss. |
1.3060 |
0.04881 |
134 |
100 |
27 |
7 |
1295 |
This last knife will go where I will be operating on you. |
1.3058 |
0.04958 |
121 |
89 |
27 |
5 |
1296 |
Well yes, medically-speaking, the mole is still on your body. |
1.3058 |
0.04817 |
121 |
88 |
29 |
4 |
1297 |
Last but not least-- circumcision. |
1.3058 |
0.05358 |
121 |
92 |
21 |
8 |
1298 |
This may not hurt at all. |
1.3058 |
0.04671 |
121 |
87 |
31 |
3 |
1299 |
This will help you lose weight. |
1.3056 |
0.05172 |
108 |
79 |
25 |
4 |
1300 |
The health insurance company denied coverage for a cardiac stress test. They suggest this lower cost alternative instead… |
1.3053 |
0.05071 |
131 |
99 |
24 |
8 |
1301 |
This is the only test for the nervous system covered by your insurance |
1.3053 |
0.04953 |
131 |
98 |
26 |
7 |
1302 |
Past performance is no guaranty of future results. |
1.3053 |
0.04980 |
95 |
67 |
27 |
1 |
1303 |
I call it my 'do you trust your doctor'? game. Cool, huh? |
1.3051 |
0.04890 |
118 |
86 |
28 |
4 |
1304 |
Now, you trust me to do the operation? |
1.3051 |
0.04890 |
118 |
86 |
28 |
4 |
1305 |
Clearly the work of an amateur |
1.3048 |
0.05263 |
105 |
77 |
24 |
4 |
1306 |
And you don't have to worry about any more children. |
1.3048 |
0.05086 |
105 |
76 |
26 |
3 |
1307 |
Never lost a patient yet. |
1.3048 |
0.05434 |
105 |
78 |
22 |
5 |
1308 |
What can I say? Med school was a real circus. |
1.3048 |
0.05918 |
105 |
81 |
16 |
8 |
1309 |
Most are cured with only a single session |
1.3048 |
0.05918 |
105 |
81 |
16 |
8 |
1310 |
I developed my technique under doctors Barnum and Bailey |
1.3048 |
0.05086 |
105 |
76 |
26 |
3 |
1311 |
So why did I need to take off my pants? |
1.3048 |
0.05600 |
105 |
79 |
20 |
6 |
1312 |
Let's see if 13 is indeed an unlucky number. |
1.3047 |
0.05497 |
128 |
100 |
17 |
11 |
1313 |
Okay, let's try one more time. |
1.3047 |
0.04905 |
128 |
95 |
27 |
6 |
1314 |
The results are still inconclusive — let’s keep throwing some things at it. |
1.3047 |
0.05150 |
128 |
97 |
23 |
8 |
1315 |
They saw you in half in the next room. |
1.3047 |
0.04905 |
128 |
95 |
27 |
6 |
1316 |
The surgeon has COVID so he's working remotely. |
1.3043 |
0.05934 |
92 |
69 |
18 |
5 |
1317 |
There, you see? perfectly safe. |
1.3043 |
0.05934 |
92 |
69 |
18 |
5 |
1318 |
No worries..this isn’t brain surgery, more like darts - with consequences |
1.3043 |
0.05265 |
115 |
86 |
23 |
6 |
1319 |
Oh, just ignore that. It's nothing. |
1.3043 |
0.06132 |
92 |
70 |
16 |
6 |
1320 |
Don't worry. This won't be just another hatchet job. |
1.3043 |
0.05729 |
92 |
68 |
20 |
4 |
1321 |
Some prefer laparoscopic or robotic. I’m more of, what you might call, an analog guy. |
1.3043 |
0.05816 |
115 |
90 |
15 |
10 |
1322 |
We’re gonna practice staying still for the MRI machine. |
1.3043 |
0.05729 |
92 |
68 |
20 |
4 |
1323 |
There are no guarantees, but plenty of applause! |
1.3041 |
0.04857 |
148 |
113 |
25 |
10 |
1324 |
Obviously I won't be wearing the blindfolds during your procedure. |
1.3040 |
0.05108 |
125 |
94 |
24 |
7 |
1325 |
Before you stand up there again,let me ask you if you are circumcised? |
1.3039 |
0.05709 |
102 |
77 |
19 |
6 |
1326 |
It’s still an experimental therapy. |
1.3039 |
0.05358 |
102 |
75 |
23 |
4 |
1327 |
Your plan doesn't cover acupuncture. This is approximatepuncture. |
1.3036 |
0.05505 |
112 |
85 |
20 |
7 |
1328 |
Think of it like an open MRI. |
1.3036 |
0.05649 |
112 |
86 |
18 |
8 |
1329 |
Cure you? I'll take a stab at it. |
1.3036 |
0.05357 |
112 |
84 |
22 |
6 |
1330 |
As you can see, I've done no harm. |
1.3036 |
0.05357 |
112 |
84 |
22 |
6 |
1331 |
The hardest part is the anticipation |
1.3036 |
0.05505 |
112 |
85 |
20 |
7 |
1332 |
It’s a cutting edge technique. |
1.3036 |
0.05048 |
112 |
82 |
26 |
4 |
1333 |
Yeah, the gown is just precautionary. |
1.3036 |
0.05048 |
112 |
82 |
26 |
4 |
1334 |
It's a conceptual art piece my twin brother bought for me, entitled 'The Thirteenth Knife.' |
1.3036 |
0.05649 |
112 |
86 |
18 |
8 |
1335 |
I told you I had superb knife skills. |
1.3036 |
0.05048 |
112 |
82 |
26 |
4 |
1336 |
He's in a really good mood today. |
1.3034 |
0.06065 |
89 |
67 |
17 |
5 |
1337 |
It’s a fear-based treatment. We find that it cuts down on return visits by 90%! |
1.3033 |
0.05191 |
122 |
92 |
23 |
7 |
1338 |
You, however, will be under the knife. |
1.3030 |
0.05824 |
99 |
75 |
18 |
6 |
1339 |
I’ve done this, literally, dozens of times. |
1.3030 |
0.04680 |
132 |
97 |
30 |
5 |
1340 |
Truly a cutting-edge procedure |
1.3030 |
0.05644 |
99 |
74 |
20 |
5 |
1341 |
I like to think I'm putting the fun back into surgery. |
1.3028 |
0.05453 |
109 |
82 |
21 |
6 |
1342 |
I like to call it non-invasive surgery. |
1.3028 |
0.05756 |
109 |
84 |
17 |
8 |
1343 |
I have one more option I'd like to try. |
1.3028 |
0.04964 |
109 |
79 |
27 |
3 |
1344 |
Are you ready for your follow up? |
1.3028 |
0.05132 |
109 |
80 |
25 |
4 |
1345 |
That's as close as I can get given your insurance. |
1.3025 |
0.05277 |
119 |
90 |
22 |
7 |
1346 |
Now that I'm warmed up, let's see what's going on with that gallbladder! |
1.3025 |
0.05277 |
119 |
90 |
22 |
7 |
1347 |
We use cutting edge techniques |
1.3025 |
0.04707 |
119 |
86 |
30 |
3 |
1348 |
You'll never guess where this one stuck. |
1.3025 |
0.04707 |
119 |
86 |
30 |
3 |
1349 |
You have nothing to worry about,it'll just be a small incision. |
1.3023 |
0.05980 |
86 |
64 |
18 |
4 |
1350 |
Keeps me in practice. |
1.3023 |
0.06421 |
86 |
66 |
14 |
6 |
1351 |
So far all the tests are negative, but in this case that’s actually a good thing |
1.3023 |
0.05503 |
86 |
62 |
22 |
2 |
1352 |
Don't worry. This is an outpatient procedure. |
1.3021 |
0.05565 |
96 |
71 |
21 |
4 |
1353 |
Don't worry, it's very routine. |
1.3021 |
0.05565 |
96 |
71 |
21 |
4 |
1354 |
It's important to make an outcision before you make an incision. |
1.3021 |
0.05155 |
96 |
69 |
25 |
2 |
1355 |
I worked my way through medical school on the carnival circuit. |
1.3019 |
0.05221 |
106 |
78 |
24 |
4 |
1356 |
If I can’t get a diagnosis after this, I’ll have to refer you to my surgery colleagues. |
1.3019 |
0.05221 |
106 |
78 |
24 |
4 |
1357 |
I took it up during the pandemic. |
1.3019 |
0.05046 |
106 |
77 |
26 |
3 |
1358 |
If you're in the placebo group, you have nothing to worry about. |
1.3019 |
0.05390 |
106 |
79 |
22 |
5 |
1359 |
Now, on to your vasectomy. |
1.3019 |
0.05714 |
106 |
81 |
18 |
7 |
1360 |
I promise I’m more accurate when it’s an actual person. |
1.3019 |
0.05221 |
106 |
78 |
24 |
4 |
1361 |
Testing methods can be hit or miss. |
1.3017 |
0.04931 |
116 |
85 |
27 |
4 |
1362 |
I got my medical degree at Harvard, but specialized in general surgery with the Ringling Brothers. |
1.3015 |
0.05040 |
136 |
104 |
23 |
9 |
1363 |
Now lay down and let me saw you in half. |
1.3011 |
0.06074 |
93 |
71 |
16 |
6 |
1364 |
See? Not a single incision |
1.3011 |
0.05467 |
93 |
68 |
22 |
3 |
1365 |
Reflexes seem fine |
1.3011 |
0.05879 |
93 |
70 |
18 |
5 |
1366 |
See, the challenge here is to positively stay outside the lines. |
1.3011 |
0.05879 |
93 |
70 |
18 |
5 |
1367 |
I'm that rare doctor that IS a magician. |
1.3011 |
0.06264 |
93 |
72 |
14 |
7 |
1368 |
We felt the same way about Covid - hit or miss? |
1.3010 |
0.06145 |
103 |
81 |
13 |
9 |
1369 |
No, there’s no need to make a fist while I draw some blood. |
1.3010 |
0.04943 |
103 |
74 |
27 |
2 |
1370 |
Ready for your circumcision? |
1.3010 |
0.05314 |
103 |
76 |
23 |
4 |
1371 |
I'm not sure I'm really cut out for life outside of the circus. |
1.3010 |
0.05490 |
103 |
77 |
21 |
5 |
1372 |
Just be glad we don’t have to saw you in half. |
1.3010 |
0.05490 |
103 |
77 |
21 |
5 |
1373 |
I’ll be honest, after it’s over, some patients have needed a hand or two.” |
1.3010 |
0.05988 |
103 |
80 |
15 |
8 |
1374 |
It’s how I perfected my surgical skills. So relax |
1.3010 |
0.05490 |
103 |
77 |
21 |
5 |
1375 |
See, this won't hurt at all |
1.3010 |
0.05661 |
103 |
78 |
19 |
6 |
1376 |
Ok,how about you give me one try and then we can do the vasectomy the old-fashioned way |
1.3010 |
0.05490 |
103 |
77 |
21 |
5 |
1377 |
You will want to keep your eyes closed for this test. |
1.3010 |
0.05827 |
103 |
79 |
17 |
7 |
1378 |
Your insurance might not cover this procedure. |
1.3010 |
0.05490 |
103 |
77 |
21 |
5 |
1379 |
Survivor bias tells us that 100% of people survive when the knife misses them. |
1.3010 |
0.05132 |
103 |
75 |
25 |
3 |
1380 |
At your age, are you still sure you want a circumcision? |
1.3009 |
0.05316 |
113 |
85 |
22 |
6 |
1381 |
Next, I’ll have you go to the wall for a series of stress tests. |
1.3009 |
0.05316 |
113 |
85 |
22 |
6 |
1382 |
Before you go under the knife I thought we'd have a little fun |
1.3009 |
0.05010 |
113 |
83 |
26 |
4 |
1383 |
Oh, I see…it’s hilarious when Penn and Tellerdoes this… but Dr. Murray Menkman does it once and it’s “malpractice” |
1.3009 |
0.05606 |
113 |
87 |
18 |
8 |
1384 |
On average, my operations are a success. |
1.3009 |
0.05010 |
113 |
83 |
26 |
4 |
1385 |
Trust me, this is cutting edge medical testing technology. |
1.3009 |
0.05463 |
113 |
86 |
20 |
7 |
1386 |
Consistency is good! |
1.3009 |
0.05606 |
113 |
87 |
18 |
8 |
1387 |
Have you signed the liability waiver? |
1.3009 |
0.05166 |
113 |
84 |
24 |
5 |
1388 |
This is intended to illustrate the importance of remaining perfectly still during the procedure. |
1.3008 |
0.04751 |
123 |
90 |
29 |
4 |
1389 |
So, you're okay now with this operation? See how accurate I am? |
1.3008 |
0.05282 |
123 |
94 |
21 |
8 |
1390 |
These are not the results I was hoping for |
1.3008 |
0.05024 |
123 |
92 |
25 |
6 |
1391 |
We haven't quite pinpointed the problem. |
1.3008 |
0.04889 |
133 |
100 |
26 |
7 |
1392 |
I’m a graduate of the Jackson Pollock School of Orthopedics. |
1.3008 |
0.04771 |
133 |
99 |
28 |
6 |
1393 |
It's a double blind clinical trial. Want to join? |
1.3008 |
0.05227 |
133 |
103 |
20 |
10 |
1394 |
Don’t worry. I could do this blindfolded. |
1.3000 |
0.05412 |
100 |
74 |
22 |
4 |
1395 |
The procedure is minimally invasive, as you can see. |
1.3000 |
0.05093 |
110 |
81 |
25 |
4 |
1396 |
If you make it, you win the complete set! |
1.3000 |
0.05412 |
100 |
74 |
22 |
4 |
1397 |
Don't worry, we let our other surgeon go. |
1.3000 |
0.05254 |
110 |
82 |
23 |
5 |
1398 |
You've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel lucky?' Well, do you, punk? |
1.3000 |
0.05411 |
110 |
83 |
21 |
6 |
1399 |
I show this to all my patients who ask if l have good eyesight and a steady hand. |
1.3000 |
0.05411 |
110 |
83 |
21 |
6 |
1400 |
You see I’m board certified. |
1.3000 |
0.06007 |
90 |
68 |
17 |
5 |
1401 |
It is our new and improved stress test. |
1.3000 |
0.04965 |
120 |
89 |
26 |
5 |
1402 |
With those eyebrows and as you already have lost your right arm, you're chances of success are, ooh, 15-20% better, I'd guess" |
1.3000 |
0.05563 |
110 |
84 |
19 |
7 |
1403 |
We found the cause of the stabbing pain. |
1.3000 |
0.05774 |
100 |
76 |
18 |
6 |
1404 |
So you see there's no need to worry, we're well trained here at Barnum & Bailey medical center. |
1.3000 |
0.05596 |
100 |
75 |
20 |
5 |
1405 |
I can perform this procedure blindfolded... |
1.3000 |
0.06007 |
90 |
68 |
17 |
5 |
1406 |
It's not called "throwing" it's surgery. |
1.3000 |
0.05411 |
110 |
83 |
21 |
6 |
1407 |
I see you've had some close calls. |
1.3000 |
0.05254 |
110 |
82 |
23 |
5 |
1408 |
My heart just isn’t in it. |
1.3000 |
0.05774 |
100 |
76 |
18 |
6 |
1409 |
See? You’ll be perfectly fine |
1.3000 |
0.04965 |
120 |
89 |
26 |
5 |
1410 |
We do this on an outpatient basis. |
1.2992 |
0.04516 |
127 |
92 |
32 |
3 |
1411 |
As with any procedure, there’s always a small risk of bleeding afterwards. |
1.2991 |
0.05728 |
117 |
92 |
15 |
10 |
1412 |
You can stand forward or backward. |
1.2991 |
0.05044 |
117 |
87 |
25 |
5 |
1413 |
It's how I test of the strength of your prostate. |
1.2991 |
0.05328 |
117 |
89 |
21 |
7 |
1414 |
Now,imagine what I can do with a scalpel. |
1.2991 |
0.05188 |
117 |
88 |
23 |
6 |
1415 |
So you’re a practicing surgeon?! |
1.2991 |
0.05598 |
117 |
91 |
17 |
9 |
1416 |
Mom didn't want twins. |
1.2991 |
0.05510 |
107 |
81 |
20 |
6 |
1417 |
Now can you trust me with your heart? |
1.2991 |
0.05347 |
107 |
80 |
22 |
5 |
1418 |
It’s a two-fer, checking your reflexes and mine. |
1.2991 |
0.05180 |
107 |
79 |
24 |
4 |
1419 |
You're the perfect
"Physician's Assistant!" |
1.2991 |
0.05667 |
107 |
82 |
18 |
7 |
1420 |
Unfortunately this is the only surgical option available without health insurance. |
1.2991 |
0.05667 |
107 |
82 |
18 |
7 |
1421 |
Believe me, acupuncture will do you the world of good |
1.2991 |
0.05347 |
107 |
80 |
22 |
5 |
1422 |
So. You're wondering, Is this lucky thirteen or unlucky? How's your prostate feeling now? |
1.2991 |
0.05510 |
107 |
81 |
20 |
6 |
1423 |
Of course, there's always a first time. |
1.2990 |
0.05892 |
97 |
74 |
17 |
6 |
1424 |
Still, it's better than going under the knife. |
1.2990 |
0.05112 |
97 |
70 |
25 |
2 |
1425 |
This, or the standard vasectomy? |
1.2990 |
0.05516 |
97 |
72 |
21 |
4 |
1426 |
Didn’t you read the terms and conditions when you changed HMO plans? |
1.2990 |
0.05707 |
97 |
73 |
19 |
5 |
1427 |
Your test came back clear |
1.2990 |
0.05317 |
97 |
71 |
23 |
3 |
1428 |
I barely made the cut into medical school |
1.2990 |
0.05516 |
97 |
72 |
21 |
4 |
1429 |
My specialty is non invasive surgery. |
1.2989 |
0.06143 |
87 |
66 |
16 |
5 |
1430 |
Just a little game my former partner and I used to play. You remember my former partner, don’t you |
1.2986 |
0.04935 |
144 |
111 |
23 |
10 |
1431 |
Of course, you will be spinning in the OR. |
1.2985 |
0.04741 |
134 |
100 |
28 |
6 |
1432 |
This procedure has a high rate of success, presuming patient cooperation. |
1.2984 |
0.04989 |
124 |
93 |
25 |
6 |
1433 |
Checking your reflex with that little hammer is so blasé. |
1.2982 |
0.05421 |
114 |
87 |
20 |
7 |
1434 |
Since you are a bit old for a bris, I thought we would do it, the Ed Ames way. |
1.2982 |
0.05127 |
114 |
85 |
24 |
5 |
1435 |
Before I operate you have to prove you trust me. |
1.2982 |
0.05276 |
114 |
86 |
22 |
6 |
1436 |
If I miss, you win a teddy bear. |
1.2982 |
0.05127 |
114 |
85 |
24 |
5 |
1437 |
I’ve been Board certified to perform this cutting edge Surgery. |
1.2982 |
0.05276 |
114 |
86 |
22 |
6 |
1438 |
On your insurance plan, this IS cutting-edge technology |
1.2982 |
0.05276 |
114 |
86 |
22 |
6 |
1439 |
I did pretty well with the last patient. |
1.2982 |
0.04480 |
114 |
81 |
32 |
1 |
1440 |
If this doesn't work, try some prune juice. |
1.2981 |
0.05445 |
104 |
78 |
21 |
5 |
1441 |
Once this is over, you will be looking forward to surgery! |
1.2981 |
0.04904 |
104 |
75 |
27 |
2 |
1442 |
Circumcision du Soleil |
1.2981 |
0.06244 |
104 |
83 |
11 |
10 |
1443 |
I don't expect your shadow to bother you again, Peter. |
1.2981 |
0.06391 |
104 |
84 |
9 |
11 |
1444 |
Well, no. It doesn't cure anything. But it does take your mind off your illness and that is something. |
1.2979 |
0.05625 |
94 |
70 |
20 |
4 |
1445 |
....and your insurance covers this. |
1.2979 |
0.05418 |
94 |
69 |
22 |
3 |
1446 |
Once I start, you'll be amazed how fast you expel that kidney stone! |
1.2979 |
0.05625 |
94 |
70 |
20 |
4 |
1447 |
You may experience some slight discomfort... |
1.2979 |
0.05625 |
94 |
70 |
20 |
4 |
1448 |
Now just relax. |
1.2979 |
0.04694 |
141 |
106 |
28 |
7 |
1449 |
My guidance teacher always said I belonged in the circus. |
1.2979 |
0.05418 |
94 |
69 |
22 |
3 |
1450 |
The tricky part is getting the anesthesia right |
1.2976 |
0.06055 |
84 |
63 |
17 |
4 |
1451 |
I've only missed once, but it was okay since the patient was transitioning anyway. |
1.2975 |
0.05202 |
121 |
92 |
22 |
7 |
1452 |
If you want me to take the blindfold off,
that costs extra ! |
1.2973 |
0.05519 |
111 |
85 |
19 |
7 |
1453 |
I like to practice before the actual surgery. |
1.2973 |
0.04644 |
148 |
112 |
28 |
8 |
1454 |
You fit the profile for the minimally invasive procedure but there’s always a risk. |
1.2973 |
0.05054 |
111 |
82 |
25 |
4 |
1455 |
Let's decide the location of my first incision. |
1.2973 |
0.05368 |
111 |
84 |
21 |
6 |
1456 |
You need to go under the knife |
1.2973 |
0.05368 |
111 |
84 |
21 |
6 |
1457 |
Well Mr. Smith, we pinned out all the places you don’t have an infection. |
1.2973 |
0.05214 |
111 |
83 |
23 |
5 |
1458 |
My weight loss program is quite simple. |
1.2971 |
0.04869 |
138 |
105 |
25 |
8 |
1459 |
The procedure is not without its risks |
1.2970 |
0.05179 |
101 |
74 |
24 |
3 |
1460 |
It's the latest thing in body sculpting. |
1.2970 |
0.05724 |
101 |
77 |
18 |
6 |
1461 |
I'm just not certain how many more times you can avoid going under the knife. |
1.2970 |
0.05548 |
101 |
76 |
20 |
5 |
1462 |
Knives Out |
1.2970 |
0.05894 |
101 |
78 |
16 |
7 |
1463 |
The operating room’s like that—a little luck, and all’s well. |
1.2969 |
0.05005 |
128 |
97 |
24 |
7 |
1464 |
I was aiming for the prostate. |
1.2967 |
0.06151 |
91 |
70 |
15 |
6 |
1465 |
Notice, we don't ask you to spread your legs |
1.2967 |
0.06151 |
91 |
70 |
15 |
6 |
1466 |
Let me begin by saying that one of us is an evil twin and I do not think it is you. |
1.2967 |
0.06151 |
91 |
70 |
15 |
6 |
1467 |
I call it Near Death therapy "
By
Tom Sievers |
1.2967 |
0.06151 |
91 |
70 |
15 |
6 |
1468 |
We're zeroing in on where the problem may be. |
1.2967 |
0.05741 |
91 |
68 |
19 |
4 |
1469 |
First, do no harm.” Check! |
1.2966 |
0.05289 |
118 |
90 |
21 |
7 |
1470 |
I specialize in circumcisions. |
1.2966 |
0.05289 |
118 |
90 |
21 |
7 |
1471 |
It's cheaper than acupuncture. |
1.2966 |
0.05424 |
118 |
91 |
19 |
8 |
1472 |
We streamlined our blood and stool sample retrieval process |
1.2966 |
0.05150 |
118 |
89 |
23 |
6 |
1473 |
I call it non-invasive acupuncture." |
1.2963 |
0.05139 |
108 |
80 |
24 |
4 |
1474 |
However, during surgery, I will be cutting inside the lines. |
1.2963 |
0.05921 |
108 |
85 |
14 |
9 |
1475 |
So, you said it's a "stabby" sort of pain? Let's confirm. |
1.2963 |
0.05622 |
108 |
83 |
18 |
7 |
1476 |
No need to worry. I've been practicing for a long time. |
1.2963 |
0.05465 |
108 |
82 |
20 |
6 |
1477 |
Only cutting edge treatment for you. |
1.2963 |
0.05305 |
108 |
81 |
22 |
5 |
1478 |
As you can see, in repeated clinical trials, there is a good success rate for this procedure |
1.2963 |
0.05305 |
108 |
81 |
22 |
5 |
1479 |
I agree. You do seem a bit anxious. |
1.2963 |
0.05399 |
81 |
58 |
22 |
1 |
1480 |
For this stress test most patients wear their masks about four inches higher. |
1.2959 |
0.05840 |
98 |
75 |
17 |
6 |
1481 |
After we finish here we'll need to get your blood pressure before we can proceed. |
1.2959 |
0.06017 |
98 |
76 |
15 |
7 |
1482 |
Of course, it's the scare that cures the hiccups, but the procedure is perfectly safe. As the outline clearly shows, the knives never touch a patient. |
1.2959 |
0.05468 |
98 |
73 |
21 |
4 |
1483 |
I have a different procedure for a shooting pain. |
1.2959 |
0.05840 |
98 |
75 |
17 |
6 |
1484 |
You were sleeping so you didn't get to see, but it was pretty awesome. |
1.2957 |
0.05089 |
115 |
86 |
24 |
5 |
1485 |
You could say I’m not you’re average psychiatrist. |
1.2957 |
0.05089 |
115 |
86 |
24 |
5 |
1486 |
As you can see, this procedure is designed to be 'minimally invasive'. |
1.2957 |
0.05236 |
115 |
87 |
22 |
6 |
1487 |
We are now ready for the live model. |
1.2955 |
0.05399 |
88 |
64 |
22 |
2 |
1488 |
I'd like to run a few more tests |
1.2952 |
0.05228 |
105 |
78 |
23 |
4 |
1489 |
You should see me do a vasectomy. |
1.2952 |
0.05567 |
105 |
80 |
19 |
6 |
1490 |
Care to take a stab at it? |
1.2952 |
0.05050 |
105 |
77 |
25 |
3 |
1491 |
This should scare the crap right out of you. |
1.2952 |
0.05730 |
105 |
81 |
17 |
7 |
1492 |
We need to do more blood work. . . |
1.2952 |
0.05730 |
105 |
81 |
17 |
7 |
1493 |
Just be sure not to cough. |
1.2952 |
0.05400 |
105 |
79 |
21 |
5 |
1494 |
I did my internship at Sinai, and my residency at Barnum & Bailey. |
1.2952 |
0.05400 |
105 |
79 |
21 |
5 |
1495 |
Oh that, is an artwork given to me by a satisfied client. |
1.2952 |
0.05400 |
105 |
79 |
21 |
5 |
1496 |
Why yes— this will be my first vasectomy. |
1.2951 |
0.05165 |
122 |
93 |
22 |
7 |
1497 |
I’m not saying your knife work isn’t impressive, but I’d still like to go with the laser option for my cataracts. |
1.2951 |
0.05165 |
122 |
93 |
22 |
7 |
1498 |
Which organ is giving you issues again? |
1.2951 |
0.04895 |
122 |
91 |
26 |
5 |
1499 |
These are the areas that your HMO have approved. |
1.2949 |
0.06350 |
78 |
59 |
15 |
4 |
1500 |
You definitely need glasses as you didn’t flinch at all. |
1.2949 |
0.06607 |
78 |
60 |
13 |
5 |
1501 |
That takes care of your external exam. Now let's have a look inside. |
1.2947 |
0.05962 |
95 |
73 |
16 |
6 |
1502 |
It’s an option we offer for patients with no insurance. |
1.2947 |
0.05962 |
95 |
73 |
16 |
6 |
1503 |
I promise this is the least invasive constipation remedy. |
1.2947 |
0.05772 |
95 |
72 |
18 |
5 |
1504 |
My mother was incredibly disappointed that I chose medicine over the circus. |
1.2947 |
0.05370 |
95 |
70 |
22 |
3 |
1505 |
So I think you shouldn’t have the surgery. |
1.2947 |
0.05370 |
95 |
70 |
22 |
3 |
1506 |
Bro, it's a novel procedure for curing chronic hiccups, sure, but, so far, it's been 100% successful. |
1.2946 |
0.05621 |
112 |
87 |
17 |
8 |
1507 |
Prostate next--it won't hurt either. |
1.2946 |
0.04853 |
112 |
82 |
27 |
3 |
1508 |
I practice target-specific knife skills before I perform heart surgery. |
1.2946 |
0.04853 |
112 |
82 |
27 |
3 |
1509 |
The last guy did just fine. He has PTSD now, but we got rid of his low blood pressure. |
1.2946 |
0.05174 |
112 |
84 |
23 |
5 |
1510 |
... but this is a risk I am prepared for you to take. |
1.2946 |
0.05174 |
112 |
84 |
23 |
5 |
1511 |
This ensures you won't be wasting our time fidgeting when you go through the MRI. |
1.2941 |
0.04908 |
136 |
104 |
24 |
8 |
1512 |
Are you feeling lucky? |
1.2941 |
0.04944 |
102 |
74 |
26 |
2 |
1513 |
It’s a sideline… |
1.2941 |
0.05322 |
102 |
76 |
22 |
4 |
1514 |
You see? No damage to the wall where people stand! |
1.2941 |
0.05675 |
102 |
78 |
18 |
6 |
1515 |
Can you believe they want to take away my license for this? |
1.2941 |
0.05501 |
102 |
77 |
20 |
5 |
1516 |
This is why we call it the practice of medicine… |
1.2941 |
0.05113 |
119 |
90 |
23 |
6 |
1517 |
This MRI is really throwing me off, but I think I’ll take a stab at it. |
1.2941 |
0.04826 |
119 |
88 |
27 |
4 |
1518 |
I propose we use this non-invasive procedure. |
1.2941 |
0.05250 |
119 |
91 |
21 |
7 |
1519 |
We've perfected our treatment for hiccups. |
1.2941 |
0.04826 |
119 |
88 |
27 |
4 |
1520 |
So, where does it hurt? |
1.2941 |
0.05675 |
102 |
78 |
18 |
6 |
1521 |
You can trust me. |
1.2941 |
0.05501 |
102 |
77 |
20 |
5 |
1522 |
What did you think I meant when I said you’d have to go under the knife? |
1.2941 |
0.05843 |
102 |
79 |
16 |
7 |
1523 |
You have insufficient thigh-gap. |
1.2936 |
0.05422 |
109 |
83 |
20 |
6 |
1524 |
Face the wall, please |
1.2936 |
0.05422 |
109 |
83 |
20 |
6 |
1525 |
It's OK, it's 99% effective. |
1.2936 |
0.05263 |
109 |
82 |
22 |
5 |
1526 |
It’s conclusive, you’re repelling. |
1.2936 |
0.05576 |
109 |
84 |
18 |
7 |
1527 |
Trust me. Non invasive surgery is the way to go. |
1.2936 |
0.05422 |
109 |
83 |
20 |
6 |
1528 |
No need to be nervous—it’s our way of measuring your blood pressure. |
1.2936 |
0.05422 |
109 |
83 |
20 |
6 |
1529 |
‘This is a standard procedure for people with trust issues’ |
1.2936 |
0.05422 |
109 |
83 |
20 |
6 |
1530 |
It's a little like acupuncture. |
1.2935 |
0.05687 |
92 |
69 |
19 |
4 |
1531 |
That's where I won't be cutting. |
1.2935 |
0.06093 |
92 |
71 |
15 |
6 |
1532 |
Just one more spot to fill - between your knees |
1.2935 |
0.06093 |
92 |
71 |
15 |
6 |
1533 |
Let’s start with a blood sample. |
1.2935 |
0.05687 |
92 |
69 |
19 |
4 |
1534 |
I don't get certified until I solo. |
1.2931 |
0.05478 |
116 |
90 |
18 |
8 |
1535 |
On the plus side, it's a real crowd-pleaser. |
1.2931 |
0.04745 |
116 |
85 |
28 |
3 |
1536 |
I specialize in outpatient procedures. |
1.2931 |
0.05340 |
116 |
89 |
20 |
7 |
1537 |
This is what we mean when we say it’s up to the board |
1.2931 |
0.05051 |
116 |
87 |
24 |
5 |
1538 |
I've never lost a patient yet. |
1.2929 |
0.04816 |
99 |
71 |
27 |
1 |
1539 |
Here's where we determine if you're a fit for Speaker-of-the-House. |
1.2929 |
0.05420 |
99 |
74 |
21 |
4 |
1540 |
...but the patient did not know there was one more knife... |
1.2927 |
0.05881 |
82 |
61 |
18 |
3 |
1541 |
Soon your troubles will be over. |
1.2927 |
0.06605 |
82 |
64 |
12 |
6 |
1542 |
See that accuracy? So relax,your vasectomy will be a piece of cake. |
1.2927 |
0.05128 |
123 |
94 |
22 |
7 |
1543 |
As you can see, Bob, you lack all internal organs, and thus, makes you eligible to run Twitter. |
1.2925 |
0.05186 |
106 |
79 |
23 |
4 |
1544 |
No Worries. I've done this procedure hundreds of times. |
1.2925 |
0.05356 |
106 |
80 |
21 |
5 |
1545 |
You'll be fine. |
1.2925 |
0.05010 |
106 |
78 |
25 |
3 |
1546 |
It looks like you have peripheral nerve damage |
1.2925 |
0.04827 |
106 |
77 |
27 |
2 |
1547 |
Just beginners luck. |
1.2925 |
0.05186 |
106 |
79 |
23 |
4 |
1548 |
It’s the only way to test your reflexes |
1.2925 |
0.05356 |
106 |
80 |
21 |
5 |
1549 |
As you can see your first twelve test results were quite good. |
1.2925 |
0.04827 |
106 |
77 |
27 |
2 |
1550 |
After med school, I did my residency at Cirque du Soleil. |
1.2925 |
0.05010 |
106 |
78 |
25 |
3 |
1551 |
Do you trust me more now with my circumcision skill? |
1.2920 |
0.05134 |
113 |
85 |
23 |
5 |
1552 |
Now we're going to test your reflexes. |
1.2920 |
0.04817 |
113 |
83 |
27 |
3 |
1553 |
My last diagnosis was right on target. |
1.2920 |
0.04978 |
113 |
84 |
25 |
4 |
1554 |
The next one should be perfect. |
1.2920 |
0.04817 |
113 |
83 |
27 |
3 |
1555 |
We frequented axe throwing bars during residency. |
1.2920 |
0.05433 |
113 |
87 |
19 |
7 |
1556 |
I wouldn’t recommend moving. |
1.2920 |
0.04650 |
113 |
82 |
29 |
2 |
1557 |
Do you remember Ed Ames ? |
1.2920 |
0.04978 |
113 |
84 |
25 |
4 |
1558 |
Congratulations Mr. Tarjay - it seems you passed your stress test. |
1.2920 |
0.04877 |
137 |
105 |
24 |
8 |
1559 |
Once we establish you have P.T.S.D. -- you'll qualify for a Medical Marijuana Liscense. |
1.2917 |
0.05908 |
96 |
74 |
16 |
6 |
1560 |
Oh, I'm more than a mere vascular surgeon... |
1.2917 |
0.04936 |
120 |
90 |
25 |
5 |
1561 |
So… shall we enroll you in the trial? |
1.2917 |
0.05524 |
96 |
72 |
20 |
4 |
1562 |
It's either this or 'turn your head and cough' |
1.2917 |
0.05908 |
96 |
74 |
16 |
6 |
1563 |
Before we start the operation, I'll need to calibrate my tools. |
1.2917 |
0.04936 |
120 |
90 |
25 |
5 |
1564 |
This next test might eliminate a diagnosis of triskaidekaphobia. |
1.2917 |
0.05322 |
96 |
71 |
22 |
3 |
1565 |
This will test your nerves, and mine too. |
1.2917 |
0.05345 |
120 |
93 |
19 |
8 |
1566 |
I feel pretty good about my warmup tosses, now step on up there and let’s see if I can take care of that leaky heart valve… |
1.2917 |
0.05345 |
120 |
93 |
19 |
8 |
1567 |
I took an oath. |
1.2917 |
0.05524 |
96 |
72 |
20 |
4 |
1568 |
I'd like to do some exploratory surgery. |
1.2917 |
0.04792 |
120 |
89 |
27 |
4 |
1569 |
Come to think of it, you are my 13th patient today. Why do you ask? |
1.2917 |
0.05322 |
96 |
71 |
22 |
3 |
1570 |
That’s my last accuracy test. Any more competency questions? |
1.2913 |
0.04904 |
103 |
75 |
26 |
2 |
1571 |
No worries, as you can see, but you can face the other direction if that feels more comfortable. |
1.2913 |
0.05793 |
103 |
80 |
16 |
7 |
1572 |
And after we check your blood pressure. |
1.2913 |
0.05278 |
103 |
77 |
22 |
4 |
1573 |
You're in luck, the operating theater gets a good crowd on Fridays. |
1.2913 |
0.05455 |
103 |
78 |
20 |
5 |
1574 |
So far,the success rate has been high, but I’m obligated to inform you of the risks involved |
1.2913 |
0.05278 |
103 |
77 |
22 |
4 |
1575 |
I'm gonna give one more stab at your diagnosis. |
1.2909 |
0.05532 |
110 |
85 |
18 |
7 |
1576 |
In appreciation of your being an organ donor, you get to choose from a wide variety of fun operating tables. |
1.2909 |
0.05532 |
110 |
85 |
18 |
7 |
1577 |
Where do you want it? |
1.2909 |
0.05222 |
110 |
83 |
22 |
5 |
1578 |
And now we will test your sphincter. |
1.2909 |
0.05222 |
110 |
83 |
22 |
5 |
1579 |
All of our surgeons are rigorously tested. |
1.2909 |
0.04718 |
110 |
80 |
28 |
2 |
1580 |
What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. |
1.2909 |
0.05681 |
110 |
86 |
16 |
8 |
1581 |
You should know that there are side effects |
1.2909 |
0.05222 |
110 |
83 |
22 |
5 |
1582 |
To be fair, these procedures have been more successful since the FDA banned axes. |
1.2909 |
0.05379 |
110 |
84 |
20 |
6 |
1583 |
I think I can squeeze you in. |
1.2907 |
0.05698 |
86 |
64 |
19 |
3 |
1584 |
Same elevated heart rate as a treadmill, but much more fun for me. |
1.2907 |
0.06159 |
86 |
66 |
15 |
5 |
1585 |
We're a little closer than we were the last time you were in. We should be able to hit on something nore definite by your next visit. |
1.2907 |
0.05698 |
86 |
64 |
19 |
3 |
1586 |
Well, we've tried everything else. |
1.2906 |
0.05014 |
117 |
88 |
24 |
5 |
1587 |
Your wife says I’ll either be doing your vasectomy or your son’s bris. |
1.2906 |
0.05300 |
117 |
90 |
20 |
7 |
1588 |
That’s a general outline of the exploratory procedure. |
1.2903 |
0.04828 |
124 |
93 |
26 |
5 |
1589 |
Ringling Brothers Medical School |
1.2903 |
0.05423 |
93 |
69 |
21 |
3 |
1590 |
A robot will be performing the actual surgery. |
1.2903 |
0.05634 |
93 |
70 |
19 |
4 |
1591 |
Just one more to go..... |
1.2903 |
0.05634 |
93 |
70 |
19 |
4 |
1592 |
As I told you, this operation is tricky. |
1.2903 |
0.05203 |
93 |
68 |
23 |
2 |
1593 |
I find it’s therapeutic. Not for the patient, of course. |
1.2900 |
0.05559 |
100 |
76 |
19 |
5 |
1594 |
You should be happy to see that I’m good with a knife |
1.2900 |
0.05374 |
100 |
75 |
21 |
4 |
1595 |
One more try. The appendix is tricky. |
1.2900 |
0.05183 |
100 |
74 |
23 |
3 |
1596 |
I’ll take a stab at general anesthesia next. |
1.2900 |
0.05559 |
100 |
76 |
19 |
5 |
1597 |
So far, I've never lost a patient. |
1.2900 |
0.04777 |
100 |
72 |
27 |
1 |
1598 |
The higher the risk, the more your insurance pays. |
1.2897 |
0.05145 |
107 |
80 |
23 |
4 |
1599 |
Do you always stand with your legs so close together? |
1.2897 |
0.05940 |
107 |
85 |
13 |
9 |
1600 |
My successes are impressive. My mistakes are buried. |
1.2897 |
0.05635 |
107 |
83 |
17 |
7 |
1601 |
I'm successful 12 out of 13 times. |
1.2897 |
0.05477 |
107 |
82 |
19 |
6 |
1602 |
Perhaps you’d like to hear about our innovative surgical techniques that allow for social distancing |
1.2897 |
0.05313 |
107 |
81 |
21 |
5 |
1603 |
It’s just an outline at this point. |
1.2897 |
0.05313 |
107 |
81 |
21 |
5 |
1604 |
We’ve found having knives thrown at patients can help distract from their bill. |
1.2897 |
0.05635 |
107 |
83 |
17 |
7 |
1605 |
The tests confirm it, Mr. Musk. It seems you're utterly repellant. |
1.2895 |
0.05672 |
114 |
90 |
15 |
9 |
1606 |
If you don't trust your surgeon, who can you trust? |
1.2895 |
0.04941 |
114 |
85 |
25 |
4 |
1607 |
You're Bronze Plan, right? |
1.2895 |
0.04941 |
114 |
85 |
25 |
4 |
1608 |
But let's check with the anesthesiologist. |
1.2895 |
0.05246 |
114 |
87 |
21 |
6 |
1609 |
What did you think ‘going under the knife’ meant? |
1.2895 |
0.05096 |
114 |
86 |
23 |
5 |
1610 |
I was aiming for the aura |
1.2895 |
0.05096 |
114 |
86 |
23 |
5 |
1611 |
Now just stand in the middle and we’ll get that open heart surgery started. |
1.2895 |
0.05534 |
114 |
89 |
17 |
8 |
1612 |
Don't worry. There's no copay. |
1.2893 |
0.04901 |
121 |
91 |
25 |
5 |
1613 |
Not bad for a lefty. |
1.2893 |
0.05174 |
121 |
93 |
21 |
7 |
1614 |
So, you need your appendix taken out. Applause will cost extra. |
1.2892 |
0.05821 |
83 |
62 |
18 |
3 |
1615 |
This test will help us rule out survivorship bias... |
1.2889 |
0.04687 |
135 |
102 |
27 |
6 |
1616 |
Sir, your nerves are fine |
1.2889 |
0.05299 |
90 |
66 |
22 |
2 |
1617 |
You should see what the anaesthetist can do. |
1.2889 |
0.05751 |
90 |
68 |
18 |
4 |
1618 |
It's 'cutting edge' technology. Let me try one more time." |
1.2889 |
0.06369 |
90 |
71 |
12 |
7 |
1619 |
As with any innovative surgical technique, there's a certain amount of risk involved. |
1.2889 |
0.06170 |
90 |
70 |
14 |
6 |
1620 |
I can assure you, the technology is cutting-edge. |
1.2887 |
0.05475 |
97 |
73 |
20 |
4 |
1621 |
I know you mentioned you were Board Certified but… |
1.2887 |
0.06211 |
97 |
77 |
12 |
8 |
1622 |
And now I am going to test your scream reflex. |
1.2885 |
0.05744 |
104 |
81 |
16 |
7 |
1623 |
So as I mentioned, the procedure is non-invasive |
1.2885 |
0.05409 |
104 |
79 |
20 |
5 |
1624 |
Let me have a try. Everyone else has bad eyesight. |
1.2885 |
0.05234 |
104 |
78 |
22 |
4 |
1625 |
Now, which organ? |
1.2883 |
0.05181 |
111 |
84 |
22 |
5 |
1626 |
Blame your new insurance plan. |
1.2883 |
0.05181 |
111 |
84 |
22 |
5 |
1627 |
I’m all set for the incision. |
1.2881 |
0.04677 |
118 |
87 |
28 |
3 |
1628 |
As you can see, I'm not a believer in invasive surgery. |
1.2880 |
0.04795 |
125 |
94 |
26 |
5 |
1629 |
6 feet tall. Let’s move on to taking your blood pressure. |
1.2880 |
0.04795 |
125 |
94 |
26 |
5 |
1630 |
Apparently the new vaccine does offer protection. |
1.2880 |
0.05183 |
125 |
97 |
20 |
8 |
1631 |
I told you I swore to do no harm. |
1.2880 |
0.04795 |
125 |
94 |
26 |
5 |
1632 |
I got my degree in Las Vegas. |
1.2880 |
0.04927 |
125 |
95 |
24 |
6 |
1633 |
During the pre-screening your blood pressure got dangerously high. |
1.2880 |
0.04795 |
125 |
94 |
26 |
5 |
1634 |
Don't worry...it's covered by Obamacare. |
1.2878 |
0.04594 |
139 |
105 |
28 |
6 |
1635 |
Next time we'll be requesting anesthesia, now, won't we? |
1.2875 |
0.06702 |
80 |
63 |
11 |
6 |
1636 |
...but there's always a first time. |
1.2874 |
0.05642 |
87 |
65 |
19 |
3 |
1637 |
I just invented this final exam a week ago. |
1.2874 |
0.05400 |
87 |
64 |
21 |
2 |
1638 |
As you can see, I occasionally 'miss my mark,' diagnostically speaking. |
1.2874 |
0.05146 |
87 |
63 |
23 |
1 |
1639 |
Step over to my examination wall and we'll see if we can target your condition. |
1.2874 |
0.05874 |
87 |
66 |
17 |
4 |
1640 |
My early years in the circus came in handy during med school |
1.2872 |
0.05157 |
94 |
69 |
23 |
2 |
1641 |
Now do you trust me with your circumcision? |
1.2872 |
0.05978 |
94 |
73 |
15 |
6 |
1642 |
They dropped me from surgery, so now I took this up. |
1.2872 |
0.05374 |
94 |
70 |
21 |
3 |
1643 |
Of course, no surgery is without its slight risks... |
1.2872 |
0.05784 |
94 |
72 |
17 |
5 |
1644 |
Well, it's a good thing I'm not a surgeon. |
1.2872 |
0.05374 |
94 |
70 |
21 |
3 |
1645 |
This is the final step for your colonoscopy prep. |
1.2871 |
0.04943 |
101 |
74 |
25 |
2 |
1646 |
Before I go in, I like to hone my knife skills. |
1.2871 |
0.05328 |
101 |
76 |
21 |
4 |
1647 |
It’s for your constipation. |
1.2871 |
0.05511 |
101 |
77 |
19 |
5 |
1648 |
Let me explain how the procedure works... |
1.2871 |
0.05139 |
101 |
75 |
23 |
3 |
1649 |
I graduated from Barnum & Bailey... |
1.2871 |
0.05328 |
101 |
76 |
21 |
4 |
1650 |
As you can see, this won't hurt a bit. |
1.2870 |
0.05271 |
108 |
82 |
21 |
5 |
1651 |
If I miss then the procedure is half off. |
1.2870 |
0.04753 |
108 |
79 |
27 |
2 |
1652 |
As you can see, the procedure poses little to no risk. |
1.2870 |
0.05271 |
108 |
82 |
21 |
5 |
1653 |
Now let's see if you gained any weight since last time, shall we? |
1.2870 |
0.06036 |
108 |
87 |
11 |
10 |
1654 |
It's okay, I'm not licensed to kill. |
1.2870 |
0.04373 |
108 |
77 |
31 |
0 |
1655 |
I like to warm up before I cut. Don’t worry. You’ll be knocked out. |
1.2870 |
0.05589 |
108 |
84 |
17 |
7 |
1656 |
Now are you OK with me doing your surgery? |
1.2870 |
0.05104 |
108 |
81 |
23 |
4 |
1657 |
That's why we call it the PRACTICE of medicine. |
1.2870 |
0.05206 |
115 |
88 |
21 |
6 |
1658 |
The therapy is a bit unorthodox, but I believe I have cured your aichmophobia. |
1.2870 |
0.05057 |
115 |
87 |
23 |
5 |
1659 |
Don't worry,in most cases it's just a brief pre-surgery dexterity test to improve the patient-surgeon bond... |
1.2870 |
0.04904 |
115 |
86 |
25 |
4 |
1660 |
Sometimes the diagnosis is worse than the disease. |
1.2857 |
0.04818 |
112 |
83 |
26 |
3 |
1661 |
As you can see my prior patient had pretty good insurance |
1.2857 |
0.05295 |
112 |
86 |
20 |
6 |
1662 |
We measure a dozen times and cut only once. |
1.2857 |
0.05025 |
98 |
72 |
24 |
2 |
1663 |
There is much ancient wisdom in alternative medicine. |
1.2857 |
0.06306 |
91 |
72 |
12 |
7 |
1664 |
Yeah I have zero idea what the fuck is going on here but I'm a doctor and we are twins and so fuck you. |
1.2857 |
0.05733 |
112 |
89 |
14 |
9 |
1665 |
Humor me. It builds confidence. |
1.2857 |
0.05477 |
91 |
68 |
20 |
3 |
1666 |
Now that I've ruled out side issues, we can proceed to the heart of the matter. |
1.2857 |
0.05230 |
98 |
73 |
22 |
3 |
1667 |
Your insurance only covers so much. |
1.2857 |
0.05533 |
105 |
81 |
18 |
6 |
1668 |
Now imagine each knife is an out-of-network provider. |
1.2857 |
0.05618 |
98 |
75 |
18 |
5 |
1669 |
I almost never miss. |
1.2857 |
0.04818 |
112 |
83 |
26 |
3 |
1670 |
Given the perfect symmetry, where should we place the last one? |
1.2857 |
0.05365 |
105 |
80 |
20 |
5 |
1671 |
Yes Bill, we've found this to be the most effective way to train our patients to be still during surgery. |
1.2857 |
0.05427 |
98 |
74 |
20 |
4 |
1672 |
You're up. |
1.2857 |
0.05230 |
98 |
73 |
22 |
3 |
1673 |
Would you prefer the hit or miss surgery |
1.2857 |
0.06239 |
84 |
65 |
14 |
5 |
1674 |
We thought the wheel was a bit archaic. |
1.2857 |
0.05427 |
98 |
74 |
20 |
4 |
1675 |
No,I have never done a circumcision before |
1.2857 |
0.06239 |
84 |
65 |
14 |
5 |
1676 |
Don’t worry, those were just the interns |
1.2857 |
0.05761 |
84 |
63 |
18 |
3 |
1677 |
I am still trying to determine what area I want to specialize in once I finish my residency. |
1.2857 |
0.06005 |
84 |
64 |
16 |
4 |
1678 |
Good News!
I'm ready to operate |
1.2857 |
0.05618 |
98 |
75 |
18 |
5 |
1679 |
Can't get any closer to the mark until the insurance is approved. |
1.2857 |
0.05696 |
91 |
69 |
18 |
4 |
1680 |
Now that I've gained your trust, can we proceed with your vasectomy now? |
1.2857 |
0.05533 |
105 |
81 |
18 |
6 |
1681 |
We use the finest cutting edge technology |
1.2857 |
0.05477 |
91 |
68 |
20 |
3 |
1682 |
Warm up exercises. |
1.2857 |
0.05427 |
98 |
74 |
20 |
4 |
1683 |
I'm not sure this procedure is covered by my insurance. |
1.2857 |
0.05230 |
98 |
73 |
22 |
3 |
1684 |
Don’t worry. Most patients get the placebo. |
1.2857 |
0.06465 |
84 |
66 |
12 |
6 |
1685 |
Ten bucks says you survive. |
1.2857 |
0.05906 |
91 |
70 |
16 |
5 |
1686 |
It's bring your hobby to work day! |
1.2857 |
0.05696 |
91 |
69 |
18 |
4 |
1687 |
You see, there's really nothing to be worried about. |
1.2857 |
0.05618 |
98 |
75 |
18 |
5 |
1688 |
As you can see, my technique is pretty good. |
1.2857 |
0.05191 |
105 |
79 |
22 |
4 |
1689 |
Me, a surgeon? Oh, I can see how the costume might give you that impression. No, your real surgeon will be with you momentarily. I'm just the pre-surgery entertainment that your insurance covers. |
1.2857 |
0.04982 |
112 |
84 |
24 |
4 |
1690 |
This last one is my specialty. |
1.2857 |
0.04811 |
98 |
71 |
26 |
1 |
1691 |
... or you could just take the regular colonoscopy prep. |
1.2857 |
0.06110 |
91 |
71 |
14 |
6 |
1692 |
I’d say your odds are pretty good. |
1.2857 |
0.05696 |
91 |
69 |
18 |
4 |
1693 |
Well, now we know what your problem isn’t. |
1.2857 |
0.06239 |
84 |
65 |
14 |
5 |
1694 |
It’s benign. |
1.2857 |
0.05696 |
91 |
69 |
18 |
4 |
1695 |
The good news is that you’ve tested negative for being a spoilsport who won’t try anything fun. |
1.2857 |
0.04627 |
126 |
94 |
28 |
4 |
1696 |
This hospital has really become a circus. Now hold still. |
1.2857 |
0.05477 |
91 |
68 |
20 |
3 |
1697 |
So where should we send the bill? |
1.2857 |
0.05025 |
98 |
72 |
24 |
2 |
1698 |
No worries. That was when I was an intern. |
1.2847 |
0.04854 |
137 |
106 |
23 |
8 |
1699 |
“Don’t worry. I always get lucky the thirteenth time on my appendectomies”. |
1.2845 |
0.05449 |
116 |
91 |
17 |
8 |
1700 |
I'll give you one guess where knife number thirteen goes... |
1.2845 |
0.04868 |
116 |
87 |
25 |
4 |
1701 |
It's perfectly safe, and you'll be asleep after the first one hits. |
1.2844 |
0.05229 |
109 |
83 |
21 |
5 |
1702 |
Is this the proof you needed? |
1.2843 |
0.05096 |
102 |
76 |
23 |
3 |
1703 |
What part of cut-rate health insurance did you not understand? |
1.2843 |
0.05464 |
102 |
78 |
19 |
5 |
1704 |
It's all in the wrist. |
1.2843 |
0.05464 |
102 |
78 |
19 |
5 |
1705 |
There is a chance this could hurt a little... |
1.2843 |
0.05096 |
102 |
76 |
23 |
3 |
1706 |
Shall we try again? |
1.2843 |
0.05096 |
102 |
76 |
23 |
3 |
1707 |
I think one more treatment should be enough to get those bowels of yours moving again. |
1.2843 |
0.05283 |
102 |
77 |
21 |
4 |
1708 |
I haven't missed a prostate yet! |
1.2843 |
0.05283 |
102 |
77 |
21 |
4 |
1709 |
Trust me. My grandma was Jewish. |
1.2843 |
0.05464 |
102 |
78 |
19 |
5 |
1710 |
Your reflexes seem to be non existent. |
1.2843 |
0.05464 |
102 |
78 |
19 |
5 |
1711 |
I'm actually trained to be an ophthalmologist. |
1.2842 |
0.05532 |
95 |
72 |
19 |
4 |
1712 |
So, are you ready to go under the knife? |
1.2842 |
0.05532 |
95 |
72 |
19 |
4 |
1713 |
Helps us see if you're calm under pressure. |
1.2842 |
0.05325 |
95 |
71 |
21 |
3 |
1714 |
I measure twice, cut once. |
1.2842 |
0.05731 |
95 |
73 |
17 |
5 |
1715 |
It's what I call 'my practice'. |
1.2842 |
0.06109 |
95 |
75 |
13 |
7 |
1716 |
And I’ve got knife number thirteen right here in my hand… |
1.2841 |
0.05587 |
88 |
66 |
19 |
3 |
1717 |
No,I just play one on TV |
1.2841 |
0.06036 |
88 |
68 |
15 |
5 |
1718 |
It’s cutting edge, and it’s covered. |
1.2841 |
0.06455 |
88 |
70 |
11 |
7 |
1719 |
You see, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. |
1.2833 |
0.04611 |
120 |
89 |
28 |
3 |
1720 |
Laser eye surgery is really a game changer, Steve. |
1.2833 |
0.05183 |
120 |
93 |
20 |
7 |
1721 |
You're lucky. My scan showed that the problem's not with any of your major organs. |
1.2832 |
0.05102 |
113 |
86 |
22 |
5 |
1722 |
Don't worry, I'll be standing much closer to you during your surgery. |
1.2832 |
0.04944 |
113 |
85 |
24 |
4 |
1723 |
So clearly, the metal you swallowed in that deli salad Isn’t magnetized! |
1.2830 |
0.05321 |
106 |
81 |
20 |
5 |
1724 |
See what I mean, minimally invasive |
1.2830 |
0.05321 |
106 |
81 |
20 |
5 |
1725 |
When it’s over you’ll forget all your problems and just be happy to be alive. |
1.2828 |
0.05185 |
99 |
74 |
22 |
3 |
1726 |
Any questions before we start? |
1.2828 |
0.05380 |
99 |
75 |
20 |
4 |
1727 |
I got the idea from watching Johnny Carson reruns. |
1.2828 |
0.05750 |
99 |
77 |
16 |
6 |
1728 |
I just don't see anything but if you care to take another stab at it... |
1.2828 |
0.05927 |
99 |
78 |
14 |
7 |
1729 |
It's a voluntary procedure. |
1.2828 |
0.06098 |
99 |
79 |
12 |
8 |
1730 |
Don't worry. Thirteen's my lucky number. |
1.2828 |
0.05380 |
99 |
75 |
20 |
4 |
1731 |
We are still waiting for FDA approval. |
1.2828 |
0.05568 |
99 |
76 |
18 |
5 |
1732 |
I told them you were my miracle patient. Ok this time, spread your legs a little. |
1.2828 |
0.05927 |
99 |
78 |
14 |
7 |
1733 |
Oh don’t worry. It’s standard procedure for any hopeful Speaker of the House. |
1.2828 |
0.05927 |
99 |
78 |
14 |
7 |
1734 |
If you think my surgery techniques are impressive you should see how I do colonoscopies |
1.2826 |
0.04967 |
92 |
67 |
24 |
1 |
1735 |
It won’t hurt if you hold still |
1.2826 |
0.05642 |
92 |
70 |
18 |
4 |
1736 |
New method. Works great! I throw this knife at you and scare the blockage out of you. |
1.2826 |
0.05202 |
92 |
68 |
22 |
2 |
1737 |
I find this method of diagnosis just as accurate and much more entertaining. |
1.2826 |
0.05426 |
92 |
69 |
20 |
3 |
1738 |
This usually won’t hurt a bit. |
1.2826 |
0.05642 |
92 |
70 |
18 |
4 |
1739 |
Now we’re going to measure your reflexes. |
1.2824 |
0.04999 |
131 |
102 |
21 |
8 |
1740 |
Tell me again where it hurts. |
1.2824 |
0.05703 |
85 |
64 |
18 |
3 |
1741 |
According to my chart, your body type is ectomorph. |
1.2824 |
0.05944 |
85 |
65 |
16 |
4 |
1742 |
You can lose the shoes and socks |
1.2824 |
0.06175 |
85 |
66 |
14 |
5 |
1743 |
Let me assure you. When I operate, I don't miss. |
1.2824 |
0.05944 |
85 |
65 |
16 |
4 |
1744 |
This is usually well-tolerated by patients. |
1.2821 |
0.06024 |
78 |
59 |
16 |
3 |
1745 |
Congratulations. |
1.2821 |
0.05408 |
117 |
92 |
17 |
8 |
1746 |
I hope this demonstration convinces you of my skills with a knife. Now, let’s take a crack at that prostate. |
1.2821 |
0.05270 |
117 |
91 |
19 |
7 |
1747 |
I'm confident we are getting closer to catching your shadow. |
1.2821 |
0.06554 |
78 |
61 |
12 |
5 |
1748 |
Twins just know each other that well. |
1.2821 |
0.05543 |
117 |
93 |
15 |
9 |
1749 |
Ringling Medical School has always been on the cutting edge of new surgical methods. |
1.2818 |
0.04855 |
110 |
82 |
25 |
3 |
1750 |
This will test your reflexes better than the "knee jerk" test |
1.2818 |
0.05500 |
110 |
86 |
17 |
7 |
1751 |
It's a minimally invasive procedure now. |
1.2818 |
0.05024 |
110 |
83 |
23 |
4 |
1752 |
So, if I can do that, don't you think I can manage a prostate exam? |
1.2818 |
0.05024 |
110 |
83 |
23 |
4 |
1753 |
That's why I don't do surgery. |
1.2816 |
0.05921 |
103 |
82 |
13 |
8 |
1754 |
Put it this way, my childhood dream wasn't to run away from home to join the hospital... |
1.2816 |
0.05054 |
103 |
77 |
23 |
3 |
1755 |
And that’s all that your insurance will cover. |
1.2816 |
0.05054 |
103 |
77 |
23 |
3 |
1756 |
Minimally Invasive Surgery |
1.2816 |
0.04862 |
103 |
76 |
25 |
2 |
1757 |
What would you say your level of anxiety is now? |
1.2816 |
0.05418 |
103 |
79 |
19 |
5 |
1758 |
You say you’re having trouble emptying your bladder? |
1.2816 |
0.05239 |
103 |
78 |
21 |
4 |
1759 |
I also do parties. |
1.2816 |
0.05758 |
103 |
81 |
15 |
7 |
1760 |
Or for our Affordable Care patients, we have the one that spins. |
1.2812 |
0.05868 |
96 |
75 |
15 |
6 |
1761 |
Feeling lucky, Mr. Smith? |
1.2812 |
0.05868 |
96 |
75 |
15 |
6 |
1762 |
Yes, your plan does cover cutting edge medical technology. |
1.2812 |
0.06052 |
96 |
76 |
13 |
7 |
1763 |
Now do you trust me to operate? |
1.2812 |
0.05678 |
96 |
74 |
17 |
5 |
1764 |
The odds are good |
1.2812 |
0.05482 |
96 |
73 |
19 |
4 |
1765 |
I’m pretty sure I can squeeze in your vasectomy this afternoon. |
1.2812 |
0.05868 |
96 |
75 |
15 |
6 |
1766 |
Relax. I'm much more accurate when you're lying down. |
1.2812 |
0.05868 |
96 |
75 |
15 |
6 |
1767 |
It’s a really simple procedure I’ve performed dozens of times! |
1.2812 |
0.04953 |
128 |
99 |
22 |
7 |
1768 |
There was just no future with the carnival, so I went to med school. |
1.2812 |
0.05278 |
96 |
72 |
21 |
3 |
1769 |
Worst case scenario, I'll lower your blood pressure. |
1.2812 |
0.05075 |
128 |
100 |
20 |
8 |
1770 |
Now that you’ve signed the release form, I can tell you more about our experimental procedure. |
1.2812 |
0.05278 |
96 |
72 |
21 |
3 |
1771 |
Okay, you were right. We SHOULD do this on the operating table instead. |
1.2812 |
0.05278 |
96 |
72 |
21 |
3 |
1772 |
dont worry-the laser knives are more accurate! |
1.2810 |
0.04871 |
121 |
92 |
24 |
5 |
1773 |
Sure you're relieved but my surgical residents are very disappointed. |
1.2810 |
0.05010 |
121 |
93 |
22 |
6 |
1774 |
That one on the lower left. Does that look infected to you? |
1.2809 |
0.05977 |
89 |
69 |
15 |
5 |
1775 |
Our specialists train a lot, as you can see! |
1.2809 |
0.05533 |
89 |
67 |
19 |
3 |
1776 |
Do you feel better now? |
1.2809 |
0.05977 |
89 |
69 |
15 |
5 |
1777 |
As you can see, we've narrowed down the problem |
1.2809 |
0.05533 |
89 |
67 |
19 |
3 |
1778 |
I kill at darts . |
1.2807 |
0.05503 |
114 |
90 |
16 |
8 |
1779 |
Yes, you'll be going under the knife. |
1.2805 |
0.06322 |
82 |
64 |
13 |
5 |
1780 |
Don’t worry, I’ll aim straight at the gizzard with you |
1.2805 |
0.05827 |
82 |
62 |
17 |
3 |
1781 |
Next up, I’ll guess your weight |
1.2805 |
0.06322 |
82 |
64 |
13 |
5 |
1782 |
If I hit you, your next visit is free. |
1.2805 |
0.06322 |
82 |
64 |
13 |
5 |
1783 |
Aha!! It's you aura that's making you sick. |
1.2805 |
0.05827 |
82 |
62 |
17 |
3 |
1784 |
I’m a Cutting Board Certified doctor. |
1.2805 |
0.06079 |
82 |
63 |
15 |
4 |
1785 |
Don’t look at me, you’re the one without insurance |
1.2804 |
0.05277 |
107 |
82 |
20 |
5 |
1786 |
We find it is quicker than actual surgery. Patients see this and suddenly get better. |
1.2804 |
0.05277 |
107 |
82 |
20 |
5 |
1787 |
I use the Monte Carlo method of surgery |
1.2804 |
0.05442 |
107 |
83 |
18 |
6 |
1788 |
Let’s explore non-surgical options. |
1.2804 |
0.05108 |
107 |
81 |
22 |
4 |
1789 |
This kills at the bar |
1.2804 |
0.05108 |
107 |
81 |
22 |
4 |
1790 |
The results look good so far, but let's just do one more round to make sure. |
1.2804 |
0.05277 |
107 |
82 |
20 |
5 |
1791 |
Relax. In most cases the side effects are minor." |
1.2804 |
0.04932 |
107 |
80 |
24 |
3 |
1792 |
your insurance carrier requires that we do one more existing conditions check |
1.2804 |
0.05442 |
107 |
83 |
18 |
6 |
1793 |
Did I mention that I got my training at Barnum and Bailey? |
1.2803 |
0.04726 |
132 |
101 |
25 |
6 |
1794 |
Well, yes. But only once. |
1.2800 |
0.05874 |
100 |
79 |
14 |
7 |
1795 |
I worked at the circus before I got my medical license on Ebay. |
1.2800 |
0.05140 |
100 |
75 |
22 |
3 |
1796 |
I've never got a patient before. |
1.2800 |
0.05333 |
100 |
76 |
20 |
4 |
1797 |
Believe me, Alex, it's the most surefire treatment for chronic constipation. Are you sure you don't want to take your shoes and socks off? |
1.2800 |
0.05519 |
100 |
77 |
18 |
5 |
1798 |
Don't worry, it's an outpatient procedure! |
1.2800 |
0.05140 |
100 |
75 |
22 |
3 |
1799 |
Typically the procedure isn't too invasive |
1.2800 |
0.05140 |
100 |
75 |
22 |
3 |
1800 |
So, we’ll schedule the vasectomy for a week from Wednesday. |
1.2797 |
0.04797 |
118 |
89 |
25 |
4 |
1801 |
Worried? Does this look like anything could go wrong |
1.2796 |
0.05154 |
93 |
69 |
22 |
2 |
1802 |
We're getting close to a diagnosis. Let's take another stab at it. |
1.2796 |
0.05376 |
93 |
70 |
20 |
3 |
1803 |
So, you just have to throw and that will be where I'll operate. |
1.2796 |
0.05795 |
93 |
72 |
16 |
5 |
1804 |
Don't worry...the knives are completely sanitized |
1.2796 |
0.05154 |
93 |
69 |
22 |
2 |
1805 |
Try to let me know if you're about to sneeze. |
1.2796 |
0.05795 |
93 |
72 |
16 |
5 |
1806 |
I am so sorry to inform you that you are in really bad shape. |
1.2793 |
0.04818 |
111 |
83 |
25 |
3 |
1807 |
Then we carefully peel off the skin, deal with that pesky kidney and there you are. |
1.2793 |
0.04985 |
111 |
84 |
23 |
4 |
1808 |
We keep costs down by selling tickets to our surgeries. |
1.2793 |
0.05303 |
111 |
86 |
19 |
6 |
1809 |
One way or another, I can guarantee your pain will end quickly. |
1.2793 |
0.05456 |
111 |
87 |
17 |
7 |
1810 |
You'd think with that accuracy I'd be better with a scalpel. |
1.2791 |
0.05883 |
86 |
66 |
16 |
4 |
1811 |
It was the last paragraph of your checkin waiver. |
1.2791 |
0.05883 |
86 |
66 |
16 |
4 |
1812 |
No worries. So far, I have a 100% success rate. |
1.2791 |
0.05883 |
86 |
66 |
16 |
4 |
1813 |
It’s nothing personal, we just felt you didn’t make the cut. |
1.2791 |
0.05646 |
86 |
65 |
18 |
3 |
1814 |
Well, yes, this new treatment is cutting edge. |
1.2788 |
0.05012 |
104 |
78 |
23 |
3 |
1815 |
Told you ... this is way more fun than pickleball |
1.2788 |
0.05543 |
104 |
81 |
17 |
6 |
1816 |
Missed it by THAT much |
1.2788 |
0.05372 |
104 |
80 |
19 |
5 |
1817 |
It's a 'can't miss' proposition |
1.2788 |
0.05195 |
104 |
79 |
21 |
4 |
1818 |
My surgery is hit or miss.. |
1.2788 |
0.05543 |
104 |
81 |
17 |
6 |
1819 |
Mr. Lipshitz, are you ready for your vasectomy? |
1.2787 |
0.05367 |
122 |
97 |
16 |
9 |
1820 |
So this will be just an arthroscopic procedure. |
1.2787 |
0.04974 |
122 |
94 |
22 |
6 |
1821 |
I just didn’t feel like dodging a bullet was enough. |
1.2785 |
0.05679 |
79 |
59 |
18 |
2 |
1822 |
Not to worry. I have excellent malpractice insurance. |
1.2785 |
0.05958 |
79 |
60 |
16 |
3 |
1823 |
All it takes is some patients. |
1.2784 |
0.05231 |
97 |
73 |
21 |
3 |
1824 |
In all medical care the key is trust. |
1.2784 |
0.05022 |
97 |
72 |
23 |
2 |
1825 |
Remarkable, Carl. I've never seen anyone score
a 12 on the Flinch Test. |
1.2784 |
0.05815 |
97 |
76 |
15 |
6 |
1826 |
Just warming up for your vasectomy procedure. |
1.2784 |
0.05231 |
97 |
73 |
21 |
3 |
1827 |
Actually, it was through my carnival work that I first discovered my talent for surgery. |
1.2784 |
0.05433 |
97 |
74 |
19 |
4 |
1828 |
Once I figure out how to stop throwing it so low, I can introduce it to all my fear management patients. |
1.2784 |
0.05815 |
97 |
76 |
15 |
6 |
1829 |
Now this test may have some side effects. |
1.2784 |
0.05815 |
97 |
76 |
15 |
6 |
1830 |
Although risky, many people find the treatment exhilarating. |
1.2784 |
0.05231 |
97 |
73 |
21 |
3 |
1831 |
Your constipation is as good as cured, Mr. Wilkins. |
1.2784 |
0.05627 |
97 |
75 |
17 |
5 |
1832 |
Relax — the only thing I’ll stick you with is the bill. |
1.2784 |
0.05627 |
97 |
75 |
17 |
5 |
1833 |
Yeah, still in beta, but so far much more effective than the old Smiley Face pain chart. Mostly. |
1.2784 |
0.05231 |
97 |
73 |
21 |
3 |
1834 |
It's the only surgical protocol covered by medicare. |
1.2783 |
0.05024 |
115 |
88 |
22 |
5 |
1835 |
Of course, it is much harder with a scalpel |
1.2783 |
0.05461 |
115 |
91 |
16 |
8 |
1836 |
And they said surgical residencies are boring. |
1.2778 |
0.05398 |
108 |
84 |
18 |
6 |
1837 |
The good news is your insurance only covers one throw. |
1.2778 |
0.04893 |
108 |
81 |
24 |
3 |
1838 |
And now it’s time for the double-blind phase of the clinical trial. |
1.2778 |
0.05703 |
90 |
69 |
17 |
4 |
1839 |
We're phasing out the reflex hammer. |
1.2778 |
0.06007 |
72 |
54 |
16 |
2 |
1840 |
I need some more practice. Thanks for volunteering. |
1.2778 |
0.05235 |
108 |
83 |
20 |
5 |
1841 |
But first, join me at the ‘Wall of Trust’ |
1.2778 |
0.05709 |
108 |
86 |
14 |
8 |
1842 |
It's a rather safe procedure, but there are some risks |
1.2778 |
0.05556 |
108 |
85 |
16 |
7 |
1843 |
Very good, now let’s see how well you can dodge a few bullets. |
1.2778 |
0.05247 |
90 |
67 |
21 |
2 |
1844 |
We need additional work done for a sharper image. |
1.2778 |
0.05480 |
90 |
68 |
19 |
3 |
1845 |
This is our cutting-edge technology until we get our new. MRI instrument. |
1.2778 |
0.05067 |
108 |
82 |
22 |
4 |
1846 |
The only patient who didn't make it died from a heart attack so that doesn't really count. |
1.2778 |
0.06126 |
90 |
71 |
13 |
6 |
1847 |
Of course, this chart only shows the statistically significant results. |
1.2778 |
0.05067 |
108 |
82 |
22 |
4 |
1848 |
We’ll get it with the next one. I can feel it. |
1.2778 |
0.04994 |
126 |
98 |
21 |
7 |
1849 |
You can face me or face the wall; either way it's gonna hurt. |
1.2778 |
0.05004 |
90 |
66 |
23 |
1 |
1850 |
Be cool. Its safer than childbirth. |
1.2778 |
0.05480 |
90 |
68 |
19 |
3 |
1851 |
When every test fails to deliver clear results, we let fate decide. |
1.2778 |
0.05067 |
108 |
82 |
22 |
4 |
1852 |
Yes, I'm still practicing. |
1.2778 |
0.05067 |
108 |
82 |
22 |
4 |
1853 |
Congratulations, you tested negative! |
1.2778 |
0.05480 |
90 |
68 |
19 |
3 |
1854 |
We eventually make the right incision. |
1.2773 |
0.04453 |
119 |
88 |
29 |
2 |
1855 |
I’ll use this last one for the vasectomy. |
1.2773 |
0.04910 |
119 |
91 |
23 |
5 |
1856 |
It will make you pee the kidney stone right out. |
1.2772 |
0.05288 |
101 |
77 |
20 |
4 |
1857 |
See how well that went? Let’s try it from the waiting area. |
1.2772 |
0.04899 |
101 |
75 |
24 |
2 |
1858 |
most of my patients prefer to be sedated for this next part |
1.2772 |
0.05097 |
101 |
76 |
22 |
3 |
1859 |
I
‘“I’ve done my best to spare you from invasive surgery, but… |
1.2771 |
0.06015 |
83 |
64 |
15 |
4 |
1860 |
My nurse has outlined the procedure for you. |
1.2771 |
0.06015 |
83 |
64 |
15 |
4 |
1861 |
No, no underwear. |
1.2771 |
0.06255 |
83 |
65 |
13 |
5 |
1862 |
Okay, enough practice. Let’s start that vasectomy, what do you say? |
1.2768 |
0.05107 |
112 |
86 |
21 |
5 |
1863 |
And THAT, Mr. Goldberg is why I flunked out of Mohel School! |
1.2768 |
0.05107 |
112 |
86 |
21 |
5 |
1864 |
We just opened our Center for Precision Medicine. |
1.2766 |
0.05108 |
94 |
70 |
22 |
2 |
1865 |
One more knife, double or nothing. |
1.2766 |
0.05741 |
94 |
73 |
16 |
5 |
1866 |
So...You feelin lucky? |
1.2766 |
0.05538 |
94 |
72 |
18 |
4 |
1867 |
As a matter of fact, I am Jewish. |
1.2766 |
0.05538 |
94 |
72 |
18 |
4 |
1868 |
Forward facing or rear? |
1.2766 |
0.05327 |
94 |
71 |
20 |
3 |
1869 |
I call it ‘Assisted Circus-cide’ |
1.2766 |
0.05327 |
94 |
71 |
20 |
3 |
1870 |
Trust me. This is the best way to overcome your fear of knives. |
1.2766 |
0.05741 |
94 |
73 |
16 |
5 |
1871 |
You can trust me,man. I’m no back-stabber. |
1.2766 |
0.05327 |
94 |
71 |
20 |
3 |
1872 |
As you can see, for your next procedure you're going to have to take off the hospital gown. |
1.2762 |
0.05327 |
105 |
81 |
19 |
5 |
1873 |
Not a wide stance, no. |
1.2762 |
0.04972 |
105 |
79 |
23 |
3 |
1874 |
Don't worry, you'll be lying down! |
1.2762 |
0.05496 |
105 |
82 |
17 |
6 |
1875 |
I have one remaining test to perform, but I believe we're close to identifying the source of your anxiety attacks. |
1.2759 |
0.05135 |
116 |
90 |
20 |
6 |
1876 |
As your evil twin, I hope you understand that I have to do this.... |
1.2759 |
0.05345 |
87 |
65 |
20 |
2 |
1877 |
Don't worry, it shouldn't hurt. |
1.2759 |
0.06049 |
87 |
68 |
14 |
5 |
1878 |
It's Vegas style acupuncture |
1.2756 |
0.04427 |
127 |
95 |
29 |
3 |
1879 |
Trust me! You don't need a second opinion! |
1.2755 |
0.05186 |
98 |
74 |
21 |
3 |
1880 |
The thirteenth blade cuts the deepest |
1.2755 |
0.05186 |
98 |
74 |
21 |
3 |
1881 |
As far as you know I've never not missed. |
1.2755 |
0.05186 |
98 |
74 |
21 |
3 |
1882 |
Unfortunately your insurance doesn’t cover this doctor. |
1.2755 |
0.05942 |
98 |
78 |
13 |
7 |
1883 |
I like to challenge myself. Never stop learning, you know? |
1.2755 |
0.05186 |
98 |
74 |
21 |
3 |
1884 |
Vasectomy? No problem. |
1.2752 |
0.05193 |
109 |
84 |
20 |
5 |
1885 |
The whole hospital is now contactless. |
1.2752 |
0.05662 |
109 |
87 |
14 |
8 |
1886 |
This just pre-op. |
1.2752 |
0.05193 |
109 |
84 |
20 |
5 |
1887 |
As you can see, this treatment works 100% of the time. |
1.2752 |
0.05193 |
109 |
84 |
20 |
5 |
1888 |
. Do you want local or general? |
1.2752 |
0.05027 |
109 |
83 |
22 |
4 |
1889 |
The same politicians who tell women what they can do with their bodies had some interesting thoughts on testing for Parkinson's disease. |
1.2752 |
0.05193 |
109 |
84 |
20 |
5 |
1890 |
'Throw the knife where it hurts' |
1.2750 |
0.04874 |
120 |
92 |
23 |
5 |
1891 |
I hope the results motivate you to keep the weight off. |
1.2750 |
0.05618 |
80 |
60 |
18 |
2 |
1892 |
The margins are clear. You prognosis is excellent. |
1.2750 |
0.05618 |
80 |
60 |
18 |
2 |
1893 |
It’s clear your fight or flight response is impaired. |
1.2750 |
0.06408 |
80 |
63 |
12 |
5 |
1894 |
You should be glad, the last surgeon was a real clown. |
1.2750 |
0.06156 |
80 |
62 |
14 |
4 |
1895 |
What it lacks in precision it makes up for in excitement! |
1.2747 |
0.06066 |
91 |
72 |
13 |
6 |
1896 |
See, noting to worry about. |
1.2747 |
0.05649 |
91 |
70 |
17 |
4 |
1897 |
I was hoping to spice up the doctor's conference this year... |
1.2747 |
0.05428 |
91 |
69 |
19 |
3 |
1898 |
Stand there. |
1.2747 |
0.05861 |
91 |
71 |
15 |
5 |
1899 |
It's my warm-up activity to establish patient trust. |
1.2747 |
0.05428 |
91 |
69 |
19 |
3 |
1900 |
I think you're missing the point. |
1.2747 |
0.06264 |
91 |
73 |
11 |
7 |
1901 |
This procedure can be hit or miss. |
1.2747 |
0.06264 |
91 |
73 |
11 |
7 |
1902 |
This, or you can pay in advance. |
1.2747 |
0.05861 |
91 |
71 |
15 |
5 |
1903 |
You're my last patient for the blood pressure ad pulse rate test |
1.2747 |
0.05649 |
91 |
70 |
17 |
4 |
1904 |
It appears, Ronald, that surgery is going to be our last resort. |
1.2745 |
0.05054 |
102 |
77 |
22 |
3 |
1905 |
Why do you think they call it, 'medical practice'? |
1.2745 |
0.04858 |
102 |
76 |
24 |
2 |
1906 |
Less noisy than a MRI, and more cutting edge. |
1.2743 |
0.05370 |
113 |
89 |
17 |
7 |
1907 |
Do you have a relevant question before your vasectomy? |
1.2743 |
0.05067 |
113 |
87 |
21 |
5 |
1908 |
Would you care to assume the position, and see if I can throw knife 13 as well as I threw the others. |
1.2743 |
0.04909 |
113 |
86 |
23 |
4 |
1909 |
This is a very bad hospital |
1.2740 |
0.06546 |
73 |
57 |
12 |
4 |
1910 |
A chance to cut is a chance to cure. |
1.2738 |
0.05449 |
84 |
63 |
19 |
2 |
1911 |
Finally, No strings attached. |
1.2738 |
0.05706 |
84 |
64 |
17 |
3 |
1912 |
We’ll bill your insurance. |
1.2738 |
0.05179 |
84 |
62 |
21 |
1 |
1913 |
It's a fly-by-knife operation. |
1.2737 |
0.04836 |
95 |
70 |
24 |
1 |
1914 |
Let's try diagnosing your condition one more time |
1.2737 |
0.05881 |
95 |
75 |
14 |
6 |
1915 |
I’m afraid this test really is necessary |
1.2737 |
0.05687 |
95 |
74 |
16 |
5 |
1916 |
You'll only feel a little prick. |
1.2737 |
0.05279 |
95 |
72 |
20 |
3 |
1917 |
Your anxiety finally lost this game! |
1.2737 |
0.05279 |
95 |
72 |
20 |
3 |
1918 |
This will help you overcome your fear of needles. |
1.2737 |
0.06068 |
95 |
76 |
12 |
7 |
1919 |
So, during the surgery, I throw the knife to precisely remove your appendix. |
1.2737 |
0.05279 |
95 |
72 |
20 |
3 |
1920 |
Okay - I get it. You're good with a knife. |
1.2736 |
0.05283 |
106 |
82 |
19 |
5 |
1921 |
And they said I couldn't go from the carnival to Kaiser. |
1.2736 |
0.05110 |
106 |
81 |
21 |
4 |
1922 |
This differs slightly from a traditional biopsy |
1.2735 |
0.04949 |
117 |
90 |
22 |
5 |
1923 |
They say the 13th dagger may be the unlucky one. |
1.2735 |
0.05239 |
117 |
92 |
18 |
7 |
1924 |
This last knife I call "good old lucky thirteen." |
1.2727 |
0.04695 |
121 |
92 |
25 |
4 |
1925 |
Got one left for good luck ! |
1.2727 |
0.04817 |
110 |
83 |
24 |
3 |
1926 |
We are getting closer to a diagnosis. |
1.2727 |
0.05294 |
88 |
66 |
20 |
2 |
1927 |
One step LEFT! |
1.2727 |
0.05766 |
88 |
68 |
16 |
4 |
1928 |
It's either this or a $500 deductible |
1.2727 |
0.05766 |
88 |
68 |
16 |
4 |
1929 |
''You're terminal anyway, so what do ya' say? " |
1.2727 |
0.06572 |
77 |
61 |
11 |
5 |
1930 |
It's Trump. Nothing sticks to him. |
1.2727 |
0.05766 |
88 |
68 |
16 |
4 |
1931 |
Have you seen 'Knives Out'? |
1.2727 |
0.05766 |
88 |
68 |
16 |
4 |
1932 |
Where do you want this one? |
1.2727 |
0.05766 |
88 |
68 |
16 |
4 |
1933 |
We aim to please. |
1.2727 |
0.05616 |
110 |
88 |
14 |
8 |
1934 |
Its best if you don't flinch,this is the standard test to determine if your ready for a term in Congress. |
1.2727 |
0.05311 |
110 |
86 |
18 |
6 |
1935 |
I know, I know, but I can’t get over my fear of blood |
1.2727 |
0.05766 |
88 |
68 |
16 |
4 |
1936 |
This will hurt you more than it will hurt me. |
1.2727 |
0.06306 |
77 |
60 |
13 |
4 |
1937 |
Well, you chose the out-patient procedure... |
1.2727 |
0.05988 |
88 |
69 |
14 |
5 |
1938 |
We could put you on the treadmill, but this is way easier! |
1.2727 |
0.05294 |
88 |
66 |
20 |
2 |
1939 |
As you can see, we marked off the problem area. |
1.2727 |
0.05710 |
99 |
78 |
15 |
6 |
1940 |
I can also juggle." |
1.2727 |
0.05151 |
110 |
85 |
20 |
5 |
1941 |
Now,let me show you where the last one goes. |
1.2727 |
0.05527 |
99 |
77 |
17 |
5 |
1942 |
Just a small incision here, here, and here |
1.2727 |
0.05766 |
88 |
68 |
16 |
4 |
1943 |
Technically speaking, we are still in the pseudo-science phase. |
1.2727 |
0.04987 |
110 |
84 |
22 |
4 |
1944 |
It’s just like darts, except lethal. |
1.2719 |
0.04367 |
114 |
84 |
29 |
1 |
1945 |
It's the latest method and no, this has nothing to do with Dad dying and our being the only heirs. |
1.2719 |
0.05028 |
114 |
88 |
21 |
5 |
1946 |
Then, of course, there is Murphy Law. |
1.2719 |
0.04709 |
114 |
86 |
25 |
3 |
1947 |
You won't feel a thing, I promise. |
1.2718 |
0.05552 |
103 |
81 |
16 |
6 |
1948 |
Sometimes surgery is not the best option |
1.2718 |
0.05198 |
103 |
79 |
20 |
4 |
1949 |
Is 13 your lucky number? |
1.2718 |
0.05198 |
103 |
79 |
20 |
4 |
1950 |
Just keep your hands in the lines. |
1.2718 |
0.04818 |
103 |
77 |
24 |
2 |
1951 |
As you can see, the aura removal is quite painless. |
1.2718 |
0.05198 |
103 |
79 |
20 |
4 |
1952 |
The oath I took said nothing about near harm |
1.2718 |
0.05198 |
103 |
79 |
20 |
4 |
1953 |
This may hurt a lot. |
1.2718 |
0.05378 |
103 |
80 |
18 |
5 |
1954 |
That's my side hustle practice board. |
1.2718 |
0.04616 |
103 |
76 |
26 |
1 |
1955 |
I believe you’re immune. |
1.2718 |
0.05198 |
103 |
79 |
20 |
4 |
1956 |
I'm due for a bullseye. |
1.2717 |
0.06007 |
92 |
73 |
13 |
6 |
1957 |
The last knife comes with your bill. |
1.2717 |
0.05595 |
92 |
71 |
17 |
4 |
1958 |
I disagree, not all the good spots are taken |
1.2717 |
0.05804 |
92 |
72 |
15 |
5 |
1959 |
As a physician I believe this is better than an MRI and way more fun! |
1.2717 |
0.05804 |
92 |
72 |
15 |
5 |
1960 |
For some reason your blood pressure is elevated. |
1.2717 |
0.05595 |
92 |
71 |
17 |
4 |
1961 |
Do I detect a little white coat syndrome? Don't worry. You'll fit right in. |
1.2717 |
0.05377 |
92 |
70 |
19 |
3 |
1962 |
It's the same with surgery: a thousand cuts...but eventually I get it exactly right. |
1.2717 |
0.05804 |
92 |
72 |
15 |
5 |
1963 |
If all goes as planned it should be minimally invasive. |
1.2717 |
0.05595 |
92 |
71 |
17 |
4 |
1964 |
The University of Wallenda. Why do you ask? |
1.2717 |
0.05804 |
92 |
72 |
15 |
5 |
1965 |
Just give me a call the next time you get the hiccups. |
1.2717 |
0.04913 |
92 |
68 |
23 |
1 |
1966 |
Now, my last patient…he had insurance. |
1.2717 |
0.05804 |
92 |
72 |
15 |
5 |
1967 |
I showed them this, but they still wouldn’t let me do the bris. |
1.2717 |
0.06202 |
92 |
74 |
11 |
7 |
1968 |
As you can see, I am very skilled at what I do. |
1.2716 |
0.05559 |
81 |
61 |
18 |
2 |
1969 |
If I nick it I fix it. |
1.2716 |
0.06089 |
81 |
63 |
14 |
4 |
1970 |
It's our new much more effective acupuncture routine. |
1.2716 |
0.06337 |
81 |
64 |
12 |
5 |
1971 |
Yup!! Only one spot we missed! |
1.2716 |
0.06089 |
81 |
63 |
14 |
4 |
1972 |
Your insurance only covers the spinning wheel options |
1.2716 |
0.05559 |
81 |
61 |
18 |
2 |
1973 |
The exploratory surgery found nothing. |
1.2716 |
0.06337 |
81 |
64 |
12 |
5 |
1974 |
It’s our newest cardiac stress test. |
1.2716 |
0.05830 |
81 |
62 |
16 |
3 |
1975 |
I told you losing weight would affect your lifespan. |
1.2710 |
0.05405 |
107 |
84 |
17 |
6 |
1976 |
As you can see, It's important that you stay completely still during this phase of your recovery. |
1.2710 |
0.05069 |
107 |
82 |
21 |
4 |
1977 |
How are you liking your zero deductible insurance?" |
1.2710 |
0.05405 |
107 |
84 |
17 |
6 |
1978 |
I do only non-invasive surgery. |
1.2710 |
0.05069 |
107 |
82 |
21 |
4 |
1979 |
Well,I took a stab at it and it appears nothing is wrong with you |
1.2710 |
0.05240 |
107 |
83 |
19 |
5 |
1980 |
It's the latest test from Canada's health care system. |
1.2708 |
0.05017 |
96 |
72 |
22 |
2 |
1981 |
I'd say your chances are about 50-50 |
1.2708 |
0.05231 |
96 |
73 |
20 |
3 |
1982 |
I would say your immune system is quite good! |
1.2708 |
0.05826 |
96 |
76 |
14 |
6 |
1983 |
No. No need for general anesthesia. |
1.2708 |
0.05437 |
96 |
74 |
18 |
4 |
1984 |
There’s your second’s opinion. |
1.2708 |
0.04794 |
96 |
71 |
24 |
1 |
1985 |
This part of your exam I will test your ability to control your reflexes. |
1.2708 |
0.05826 |
96 |
76 |
14 |
6 |
1986 |
Incisions, incisions, decisions! |
1.2706 |
0.05648 |
85 |
65 |
17 |
3 |
1987 |
Yes, I graduated from Coney Island University. How’d you guess? |
1.2706 |
0.06348 |
85 |
68 |
11 |
6 |
1988 |
We don't have much left to throw at you. |
1.2706 |
0.05891 |
85 |
66 |
15 |
4 |
1989 |
That’ll be $120,000 |
1.2706 |
0.05891 |
85 |
66 |
15 |
4 |
1990 |
To think, all those years I could’ve been living the life—just me, my knives and the open road…small town to small town, funnel cake for breakfast, bang’n carnies…all of it wasted in medical school. |
1.2706 |
0.05891 |
85 |
66 |
15 |
4 |
1991 |
First thing I do is not harm |
1.2706 |
0.05648 |
85 |
65 |
17 |
3 |
1992 |
This is why I don’t I don’t carry malpractice insurance |
1.2703 |
0.04779 |
111 |
84 |
24 |
3 |
1993 |
As with any operation, of course, risk assessment is a critical factor. |
1.2703 |
0.04948 |
111 |
85 |
22 |
4 |
1994 |
You see, I am a very good surgeon. |
1.2703 |
0.04948 |
111 |
85 |
22 |
4 |
1995 |
So first we begin with the eye exam. |
1.2703 |
0.04948 |
111 |
85 |
22 |
4 |
1996 |
Before med school?... Ringling. |
1.2703 |
0.05111 |
111 |
86 |
20 |
5 |
1997 |
Anything that draws blood won’t go against your deductible. |
1.2703 |
0.05111 |
111 |
86 |
20 |
5 |
1998 |
and my parents said that year off to join the carnival was a waste of money. |
1.2703 |
0.06174 |
74 |
57 |
14 |
3 |
1999 |
Just a little vasectomy practice. |
1.2700 |
0.05660 |
100 |
79 |
15 |
6 |
2000 |
As you can see, surgery to date has been non-invasive |
1.2700 |
0.04894 |
100 |
75 |
23 |
2 |
2001 |
You can unfreeze now. |
1.2700 |
0.05291 |
100 |
77 |
19 |
4 |
2002 |
…and if it’s inside the lines, I’m IN network. |
1.2700 |
0.05291 |
100 |
77 |
19 |
4 |
2003 |
Don't worry; I never miss. |
1.2700 |
0.05291 |
100 |
77 |
19 |
4 |
2004 |
The actual surgery will also feature my beautiful assistant in her sequined leotard. |
1.2697 |
0.05929 |
89 |
70 |
14 |
5 |
2005 |
For most patients it's a relatively noninvasive procedure. |
1.2697 |
0.05709 |
89 |
69 |
16 |
4 |
2006 |
Not to worry, I always work better blindfolded. |
1.2697 |
0.05709 |
89 |
69 |
16 |
4 |
2007 |
Look on the bright side. If I miss you won't need surgery |
1.2697 |
0.05481 |
89 |
68 |
18 |
3 |
2008 |
Statistically speaking, I should get your operation right." |
1.2697 |
0.05929 |
89 |
70 |
14 |
5 |
2009 |
The last twelve patients didn't feel a thing. |
1.2697 |
0.04993 |
89 |
66 |
22 |
1 |
2010 |
So you see, it clearly wasn’t here where you lost your arm. |
1.2697 |
0.05481 |
89 |
68 |
18 |
3 |
2011 |
Can I get a second opinion? |
1.2697 |
0.04993 |
89 |
66 |
22 |
1 |
2012 |
To be honest, the process is somewhat akin to this. |
1.2697 |
0.04731 |
89 |
65 |
24 |
0 |
2013 |
So as you can see, the robot is not perfect yet. |
1.2696 |
0.05141 |
115 |
90 |
19 |
6 |
2014 |
They called Pasteur and Salk crazy, too. |
1.2692 |
0.06496 |
78 |
62 |
11 |
5 |
2015 |
Well, I doubt we’ll need to do this again tomorrow if that’s what your asking. |
1.2692 |
0.04970 |
104 |
79 |
22 |
3 |
2016 |
Like I said, Mr Bradshaw, unconventional, but you couldn't be in safer hands. |
1.2692 |
0.05672 |
104 |
83 |
14 |
7 |
2017 |
All your results look good so far, but I have one more I'd like to try. |
1.2692 |
0.05155 |
104 |
80 |
20 |
4 |
2018 |
It was an aura-ectomy. |
1.2692 |
0.04779 |
104 |
78 |
24 |
2 |
2019 |
Hey bro, if you hadn't quit med school, you'd be able to see a pattern and chill out |
1.2692 |
0.05155 |
104 |
80 |
20 |
4 |
2020 |
Just want to make sure everything is squared away with your insurance. |
1.2692 |
0.04970 |
104 |
79 |
22 |
3 |
2021 |
This is where I practice aura surgery. |
1.2692 |
0.04970 |
104 |
79 |
22 |
3 |
2022 |
Well, it's still not an exact science... |
1.2692 |
0.05962 |
78 |
60 |
15 |
3 |
2023 |
And this is just a routine test we do with all of my clones. |
1.2692 |
0.05155 |
104 |
80 |
20 |
4 |
2024 |
So far, so good. |
1.2688 |
0.05949 |
93 |
74 |
13 |
6 |
2025 |
Steve realized too late that he booked his colonoscopy with the wrong doctor. |
1.2688 |
0.05542 |
93 |
72 |
17 |
4 |
2026 |
Our last patient was a very lucky man. |
1.2688 |
0.05327 |
93 |
71 |
19 |
3 |
2027 |
Then we have balloon animals for your angioplasty. |
1.2688 |
0.04868 |
93 |
69 |
23 |
1 |
2028 |
I promise I won't miss when you're on the table. |
1.2688 |
0.05949 |
93 |
74 |
13 |
6 |
2029 |
Or we could go with Ed Ames and a hatchet. |
1.2688 |
0.05327 |
93 |
71 |
19 |
3 |
2030 |
Don't worry. You seem to fit the profile for patients who have survived this operation. |
1.2688 |
0.05103 |
93 |
70 |
21 |
2 |
2031 |
I've got a great track record, so nothing to worry about. |
1.2688 |
0.05542 |
93 |
72 |
17 |
4 |
2032 |
It beats getting sawed in half. |
1.2688 |
0.05103 |
93 |
70 |
21 |
2 |
2033 |
Relax, I'm very precise. |
1.2688 |
0.05327 |
93 |
71 |
19 |
3 |
2034 |
I think we'll go in through the nose. |
1.2688 |
0.05542 |
93 |
72 |
17 |
4 |
2035 |
And now, I'll put on my glasses and try again. |
1.2688 |
0.05103 |
93 |
70 |
21 |
2 |
2036 |
Is your appendix ready to surrender yet? |
1.2688 |
0.04868 |
93 |
69 |
23 |
1 |
2037 |
Ok, I think we've done enough testing |
1.2688 |
0.05103 |
93 |
70 |
21 |
2 |
2038 |
I can say for certain that you have a suppressed twitch response. |
1.2685 |
0.04671 |
108 |
81 |
25 |
2 |
2039 |
It’s a bit misleading — it doesn’t show the errant throws. |
1.2685 |
0.05520 |
108 |
86 |
15 |
7 |
2040 |
Now, you can opt for a more intrusive procédure. |
1.2685 |
0.04853 |
108 |
82 |
23 |
3 |
2041 |
Does it hurt when I do this? |
1.2685 |
0.04853 |
108 |
82 |
23 |
3 |
2042 |
How long have you had that twitch? |
1.2683 |
0.05768 |
82 |
63 |
16 |
3 |
2043 |
As you can see, it can be a dangerous procedure. |
1.2683 |
0.06504 |
82 |
66 |
10 |
6 |
2044 |
Circumsision is not a Big Deal.... |
1.2683 |
0.05768 |
82 |
63 |
16 |
3 |
2045 |
I hardly ever miss, ok? |
1.2683 |
0.05768 |
82 |
63 |
16 |
3 |
2046 |
This has always been my aim as a surgeon |
1.2683 |
0.05768 |
82 |
63 |
16 |
3 |
2047 |
Next we’ll need to test your reflexes |
1.2683 |
0.06023 |
82 |
64 |
14 |
4 |
2048 |
You're out of network, Jerry, so it's the copay or the full body filet. |
1.2680 |
0.05773 |
97 |
77 |
14 |
6 |
2049 |
'You choose I cut" |
1.2680 |
0.05388 |
97 |
75 |
18 |
4 |
2050 |
It's ok - I've been practicing for 10 years. |
1.2680 |
0.05388 |
97 |
75 |
18 |
4 |
2051 |
The process is called differential diagnosis. These we can rule out. Let's take one more stab at it. |
1.2680 |
0.05185 |
97 |
74 |
20 |
3 |
2052 |
Not bad on average. |
1.2680 |
0.05388 |
97 |
75 |
18 |
4 |
2053 |
For people with your condition it’s hit or miss but we’ve been getting good results with this new therapy. |
1.2679 |
0.05227 |
112 |
88 |
18 |
6 |
2054 |
Actually,I prefer leaches for my annual blood letting |
1.2679 |
0.05071 |
112 |
87 |
20 |
5 |
2055 |
Good news is you don’t have to wait long for the test results to come back. |
1.2677 |
0.05055 |
127 |
101 |
18 |
8 |
2056 |
I think we’re getting closer to the root of your anxiety |
1.2676 |
0.06004 |
71 |
54 |
15 |
2 |
2057 |
You won’t be going under the knife per se… |
1.2676 |
0.06330 |
71 |
55 |
13 |
3 |
2058 |
No worries…I took an oath to do no harm! |
1.2674 |
0.06060 |
86 |
68 |
13 |
5 |
2059 |
It’s a
new form
of alternative medicine called hackupuncture.
It’s
all tbe rage I hear. |
1.2674 |
0.05591 |
86 |
66 |
17 |
3 |
2060 |
Not to worry. My patients have a 93 percent survival rate. |
1.2674 |
0.05830 |
86 |
67 |
15 |
4 |
2061 |
It adds a bit of fun to surgery. |
1.2674 |
0.05830 |
86 |
67 |
15 |
4 |
2062 |
Surprisingly, this *is* covered by your insurance! |
1.2674 |
0.05591 |
86 |
66 |
17 |
3 |
2063 |
No worries, the next one won't miss. |
1.2674 |
0.05591 |
86 |
66 |
17 |
3 |
2064 |
I'm a little unorthodox, but I am covered by your HMO. |
1.2674 |
0.06496 |
86 |
70 |
9 |
7 |
2065 |
I obviously adhere to the Hippocratic Oath. |
1.2674 |
0.05341 |
86 |
65 |
19 |
2 |
2066 |
Oh, go on, thirteen is my lucky number. |
1.2674 |
0.05830 |
86 |
67 |
15 |
4 |
2067 |
Don’t worry, I sterilised it. |
1.2674 |
0.05591 |
86 |
66 |
17 |
3 |
2068 |
First, we do weight, height, and perimeter. |
1.2673 |
0.05052 |
101 |
77 |
21 |
3 |
2069 |
Let's cut to the chase... |
1.2673 |
0.05430 |
101 |
79 |
17 |
5 |
2070 |
Ok, time to go to sleep. |
1.2673 |
0.05052 |
101 |
77 |
21 |
3 |
2071 |
But YOUR surgery will be done robotically from seven time zones away. |
1.2673 |
0.05245 |
101 |
78 |
19 |
4 |
2072 |
It cures everything. |
1.2673 |
0.05052 |
101 |
77 |
21 |
3 |
2073 |
As we were taught, 'first do no harm.' |
1.2673 |
0.05430 |
101 |
79 |
17 |
5 |
2074 |
So, are you still scared of needles? |
1.2673 |
0.05430 |
101 |
79 |
17 |
5 |
2075 |
Your insurance company requires this pre-testing before they will approve the test that you actually need |
1.2673 |
0.05430 |
101 |
79 |
17 |
5 |
2076 |
Okay, now tell me if this hurts. |
1.2672 |
0.04952 |
116 |
90 |
21 |
5 |
2077 |
No need to worry. I aced Knife Throwing 101. |
1.2667 |
0.04947 |
90 |
67 |
22 |
1 |
2078 |
And yet in so many other ways running away to the circus did prepare me for a career in medicine. |
1.2667 |
0.05193 |
90 |
68 |
20 |
2 |
2079 |
Well, we can rule out a case of the flinches. |
1.2667 |
0.05288 |
105 |
82 |
18 |
5 |
2080 |
Remember: if you see somebody you know, don't be waving to them. |
1.2667 |
0.05112 |
105 |
81 |
20 |
4 |
2081 |
Trying out for America's Got Talent! |
1.2667 |
0.06667 |
75 |
60 |
10 |
5 |
2082 |
We call it fright therapy, and I'm getting pretty good at it. |
1.2667 |
0.05428 |
90 |
69 |
18 |
3 |
2083 |
So, where shall I begin? |
1.2667 |
0.04947 |
90 |
67 |
22 |
1 |
2084 |
I just started doing vascectomies |
1.2667 |
0.05653 |
90 |
70 |
16 |
4 |
2085 |
So, George, are you ready to go under the knife now? |
1.2667 |
0.04929 |
105 |
80 |
22 |
3 |
2086 |
I get my surgeon's certification now. Thanks for your help. |
1.2667 |
0.05624 |
105 |
84 |
14 |
7 |
2087 |
For most patients this colonoscopy clear-out preparation procedure is non-invasive. |
1.2667 |
0.05653 |
90 |
70 |
16 |
4 |
2088 |
This is how we keep our surgeries so cheap. |
1.2667 |
0.05428 |
90 |
69 |
18 |
3 |
2089 |
This is where we test your nerves. |
1.2667 |
0.05653 |
90 |
70 |
16 |
4 |
2090 |
Are you familiar with the Ringling Brothers school of medicine? |
1.2667 |
0.05288 |
105 |
82 |
18 |
5 |
2091 |
Don’t worry, adult circumcision still has a very high success rate. |
1.2667 |
0.06102 |
75 |
58 |
14 |
3 |
2092 |
And that's what it would look like if I was a bad doctor |
1.2667 |
0.04929 |
105 |
80 |
22 |
3 |
2093 |
It was me who drew the line, not the police. |
1.2667 |
0.05428 |
90 |
69 |
18 |
3 |
2094 |
Would you like to guess where the next one goes? |
1.2661 |
0.04814 |
109 |
83 |
23 |
3 |
2095 |
Are you ready to go under the knife now? |
1.2661 |
0.05317 |
109 |
86 |
17 |
6 |
2096 |
Any questions about my fee? |
1.2660 |
0.05056 |
94 |
71 |
21 |
2 |
2097 |
I’ll ask you ONE MORE TIME: ‘Are you in favor of healthcare cuts?’ |
1.2660 |
0.05892 |
94 |
75 |
13 |
6 |
2098 |
My incentive to patients to not gain weight. |
1.2660 |
0.05892 |
94 |
75 |
13 |
6 |
2099 |
Sorry but we didn't get clear margins. We'll have to go back in. |
1.2660 |
0.05278 |
94 |
72 |
19 |
3 |
2100 |
I assure you there is a really high survival rate. |
1.2660 |
0.05490 |
94 |
73 |
17 |
4 |
2101 |
'I have a 90% accuracy rate. Just stand between the lines.' |
1.2660 |
0.05490 |
94 |
73 |
17 |
4 |
2102 |
This is why I’m not a surgeon |
1.2660 |
0.05278 |
94 |
72 |
19 |
3 |
2103 |
So this is what it means when patients go under the knife. |
1.2660 |
0.05490 |
94 |
73 |
17 |
4 |
2104 |
Once we're in the operating room, the pattern I follow will change dramatically. |
1.2658 |
0.06165 |
79 |
62 |
13 |
4 |
2105 |
Yes we can reattach your right arm. |
1.2658 |
0.05317 |
79 |
59 |
19 |
1 |
2106 |
One more to put you on knife support. |
1.2658 |
0.05896 |
79 |
61 |
15 |
3 |
2107 |
Due to budget cuts, we've run out of anesthesia...so we've had to improvise. |
1.2658 |
0.05896 |
79 |
61 |
15 |
3 |
2108 |
Any bozo can do an appendectomy with a scalpel.... |
1.2656 |
0.04769 |
128 |
100 |
22 |
6 |
2109 |
No problem with nerves. Now lets see about circulation. |
1.2655 |
0.05336 |
113 |
90 |
16 |
7 |
2110 |
Here's an outline of my body of work. |
1.2655 |
0.05186 |
113 |
89 |
18 |
6 |
2111 |
OK, let’s get to the heart of this. |
1.2655 |
0.05031 |
113 |
88 |
20 |
5 |
2112 |
Unfortunately, elective knife throwing isn’t typically covered. |
1.2655 |
0.04872 |
113 |
87 |
22 |
4 |
2113 |
Turn your head and scream. |
1.2653 |
0.05340 |
98 |
76 |
18 |
4 |
2114 |
It's the one test your HMO covers |
1.2653 |
0.05720 |
98 |
78 |
14 |
6 |
2115 |
I need more practice. |
1.2653 |
0.05340 |
98 |
76 |
18 |
4 |
2116 |
We prefer to use the term “survival rate” rather than “cure” |
1.2653 |
0.05139 |
98 |
75 |
20 |
3 |
2117 |
Are you still worried about going under the knife? |
1.2653 |
0.05139 |
98 |
75 |
20 |
3 |
2118 |
Now that we’ve each demonstrated steady nerves, the surgery may proceed. |
1.2653 |
0.04712 |
98 |
73 |
24 |
1 |
2119 |
We almost always miss the patient. If we don't, you get your money back. |
1.2653 |
0.05340 |
98 |
76 |
18 |
4 |
2120 |
Now what is it you want to cut out of your life? |
1.2653 |
0.05139 |
98 |
75 |
20 |
3 |
2121 |
As you can see, our weight loss plan is targeted to achieve your optimum body shape. |
1.2653 |
0.05533 |
98 |
77 |
16 |
5 |
2122 |
Let’s check those reflexes. |
1.2653 |
0.05340 |
98 |
76 |
18 |
4 |
2123 |
They don’t make a silhouette showing where your appendix is - so I practice with this. Should be OK. |
1.2653 |
0.05340 |
98 |
76 |
18 |
4 |
2124 |
And, the 13th knife goes here! |
1.2651 |
0.05444 |
83 |
63 |
18 |
2 |
2125 |
Now that I'm warmed up, are you ready for your vasectomy? |
1.2651 |
0.06201 |
83 |
66 |
12 |
5 |
2126 |
As you can see, it’s not exactly going UNDER the knife. |
1.2651 |
0.05959 |
83 |
65 |
14 |
4 |
2127 |
I'm hoping this will be a non-invasive procedure. |
1.2651 |
0.05707 |
83 |
64 |
16 |
3 |
2128 |
You were smart to choose us for our targeted therapy. |
1.2651 |
0.06658 |
83 |
68 |
8 |
7 |
2129 |
That didn't work. Let's try sawing you in half. |
1.2651 |
0.06201 |
83 |
66 |
12 |
5 |
2130 |
Ready for lucky knife 13? |
1.2651 |
0.05444 |
83 |
63 |
18 |
2 |
2131 |
Don't worry this test is only if you don't have insurance. |
1.2651 |
0.05707 |
83 |
64 |
16 |
3 |
2132 |
We have very few requests for middle-aged circumcision. |
1.2651 |
0.05959 |
83 |
65 |
14 |
4 |
2133 |
You said you were ready to go under the knife! |
1.2651 |
0.05444 |
83 |
63 |
18 |
2 |
2134 |
Should be fine, just wishing I hadn’t had that second cup of coffee. |
1.2651 |
0.05959 |
83 |
65 |
14 |
4 |
2135 |
Well, we can't question your peripheral vision |
1.2651 |
0.05444 |
83 |
63 |
18 |
2 |
2136 |
„Congratulations, you are a knife-repellent. They will name this after you.„ |
1.2651 |
0.05707 |
83 |
64 |
16 |
3 |
2137 |
…and is this your gall bladder? |
1.2647 |
0.04606 |
102 |
76 |
25 |
1 |
2138 |
You ready? |
1.2647 |
0.05383 |
102 |
80 |
17 |
5 |
2139 |
Your results are valid, they are just not reliable. |
1.2647 |
0.05200 |
102 |
79 |
19 |
4 |
2140 |
So, do want to take another stab at it? |
1.2647 |
0.05561 |
102 |
81 |
15 |
6 |
2141 |
Less than two percent have any complications at all. |
1.2647 |
0.05383 |
102 |
80 |
17 |
5 |
2142 |
It's the new government ordained surgeons training board. |
1.2647 |
0.05009 |
102 |
78 |
21 |
3 |
2143 |
Now that I'm warmed up, is your surgery on the left or the right? |
1.2647 |
0.05383 |
102 |
80 |
17 |
5 |
2144 |
Oh no I don’t do acupuncture, just acute punctures |
1.2647 |
0.05383 |
102 |
80 |
17 |
5 |
2145 |
Before becoming a doctor I used to work at the circus. Now let's check
that prostate. |
1.2644 |
0.05288 |
87 |
66 |
19 |
2 |
2146 |
Just how badly do you want that Oxy Rx? |
1.2644 |
0.05535 |
87 |
67 |
17 |
3 |
2147 |
Don't worry, it's not brain surgery |
1.2644 |
0.05535 |
87 |
67 |
17 |
3 |
2148 |
The treatment is worse than the disease |
1.2644 |
0.05535 |
87 |
67 |
17 |
3 |
2149 |
And if it goes sideways, at least we have the outline for the autopsy. |
1.2642 |
0.04702 |
106 |
80 |
24 |
2 |
2150 |
There’s less blood this way. |
1.2642 |
0.04702 |
106 |
80 |
24 |
2 |
2151 |
Who needs precision when you have a degree. |
1.2642 |
0.05069 |
106 |
82 |
20 |
4 |
2152 |
Would you be more at ease wearing a hair net? |
1.2639 |
0.06253 |
72 |
56 |
13 |
3 |
2153 |
The procedure is, as you see, non-invasive. |
1.2637 |
0.05144 |
91 |
69 |
20 |
2 |
2154 |
Don't be concerned, but you do have to remove your gown. |
1.2637 |
0.06019 |
91 |
73 |
12 |
6 |
2155 |
Oh, so then you ARE familiar with the tomahawk throw on the Johnny Carson show. |
1.2637 |
0.06019 |
91 |
73 |
12 |
6 |
2156 |
Volunteers get a 35 percent discount on surgery. |
1.2637 |
0.05599 |
91 |
71 |
16 |
4 |
2157 |
One more knife and I move up to the next level. |
1.2637 |
0.04901 |
91 |
68 |
22 |
1 |
2158 |
It's both a diagnostic and treatment for shape conformity. |
1.2637 |
0.04901 |
91 |
68 |
22 |
1 |
2159 |
Notice anything missing? |
1.2637 |
0.05599 |
91 |
71 |
16 |
4 |
2160 |
I think we should take another stab at that last round of tests. |
1.2637 |
0.05599 |
91 |
71 |
16 |
4 |
2161 |
Ours is a cutting edge technique. |
1.2637 |
0.05376 |
91 |
70 |
18 |
3 |
2162 |
Stand still while I check if you have any stabbing pains |
1.2637 |
0.05813 |
91 |
72 |
14 |
5 |
2163 |
I think you'll agree, Mr. Jones, I'm pretty handy with a knife! Now let's get that appendix out. |
1.2637 |
0.05813 |
91 |
72 |
14 |
5 |
2164 |
I’ll be honest with you I’m a nervous surgeon |
1.2637 |
0.05813 |
91 |
72 |
14 |
5 |
2165 |
We’ve tested your reflexes now let’s test your fortitude. |
1.2637 |
0.05144 |
91 |
69 |
20 |
2 |
2166 |
as you can see, it is an entirely non-invasive procedure |
1.2637 |
0.05376 |
91 |
70 |
18 |
3 |
2167 |
He was murdered standing up |
1.2637 |
0.05144 |
91 |
69 |
20 |
2 |
2168 |
Well, I've never done a circumcision before. |
1.2636 |
0.04948 |
110 |
85 |
21 |
4 |
2169 |
I interned in a carnival, why do you ask? |
1.2636 |
0.04948 |
110 |
85 |
21 |
4 |
2170 |
Feel better? |
1.2636 |
0.05114 |
110 |
86 |
19 |
5 |
2171 |
Those damn dermatologists never clean up after themselves, they always leave it to the urologists. |
1.2636 |
0.05430 |
110 |
88 |
15 |
7 |
2172 |
Think of your lifetime of smoking and no lung cancer as near misses, but the one I'm holding in my hand... |
1.2636 |
0.05430 |
110 |
88 |
15 |
7 |
2173 |
Don't worry, it'll just help you not to move during this procedure. |
1.2636 |
0.05114 |
110 |
86 |
19 |
5 |
2174 |
That's the basic outline. Now let's cut to the chase. |
1.2632 |
0.05439 |
95 |
74 |
17 |
4 |
2175 |
Congratulations. You don't require surgery. |
1.2632 |
0.05439 |
95 |
74 |
17 |
4 |
2176 |
Of course, a game of darts would be safer but where is your sense of adventure! |
1.2632 |
0.05229 |
95 |
73 |
19 |
3 |
2177 |
We call this last one the 'neutering knife." |
1.2632 |
0.05439 |
95 |
74 |
17 |
4 |
2178 |
What can I say. You're just lucky. |
1.2632 |
0.05229 |
95 |
73 |
19 |
3 |
2179 |
"When they gave me my degree they said I was now able to practice." |
1.2632 |
0.05733 |
76 |
58 |
16 |
2 |
2180 |
Mostly they had heart attacks. |
1.2632 |
0.06316 |
76 |
60 |
12 |
4 |
2181 |
Don’t worry, the procedure is perfectly safe. It’s the insurance companies that will gouge you. |
1.2632 |
0.06316 |
76 |
60 |
12 |
4 |
2182 |
I think you're now ready to go under the knife. |
1.2632 |
0.05439 |
95 |
74 |
17 |
4 |
2183 |
If you hold still, this won’t hurt a bit |
1.2632 |
0.05439 |
95 |
74 |
17 |
4 |
2184 |
Care to try for 13? |
1.2626 |
0.05668 |
99 |
79 |
14 |
6 |
2185 |
So, what? Now you’re working on my aura? |
1.2626 |
0.05094 |
99 |
76 |
20 |
3 |
2186 |
Those are the areas where we won’t have to make an incision. |
1.2626 |
0.05292 |
99 |
77 |
18 |
4 |
2187 |
Before this next test I must warn you ...
There is a small co-pay |
1.2626 |
0.04445 |
99 |
73 |
26 |
0 |
2188 |
Let me outline the problem for you. |
1.2626 |
0.05483 |
99 |
78 |
16 |
5 |
2189 |
Is 13 a lucky number for you? |
1.2626 |
0.04887 |
99 |
75 |
22 |
2 |
2190 |
Don't worry, if I miss, you get a full refund. |
1.2626 |
0.05094 |
99 |
76 |
20 |
3 |
2191 |
It's usually less invasive. |
1.2626 |
0.05094 |
99 |
76 |
20 |
3 |
2192 |
No, we don’t do robotic surgery here. We prefer more traditional methods. |
1.2626 |
0.05483 |
99 |
78 |
16 |
5 |
2193 |
Occasionally, but it washes out. |
1.2625 |
0.05831 |
80 |
62 |
15 |
3 |
2194 |
I’m thinking of taking my act on the road. |
1.2625 |
0.05831 |
80 |
62 |
15 |
3 |
2195 |
No, your silhouette doesn’t make you look fat. |
1.2625 |
0.05553 |
80 |
61 |
17 |
2 |
2196 |
Insurance covers everything but the knife. |
1.2625 |
0.06096 |
80 |
63 |
13 |
4 |
2197 |
Where would you like us to start? |
1.2625 |
0.04950 |
80 |
59 |
21 |
0 |
2198 |
7.7% chance I’ll find anything |
1.2625 |
0.06350 |
80 |
64 |
11 |
5 |
2199 |
I said a *Baker's* dozen. |
1.2625 |
0.05831 |
80 |
62 |
15 |
3 |
2200 |
Now, to perform one last procedure. |
1.2625 |
0.06096 |
80 |
63 |
13 |
4 |
2201 |
« Don’t worry. I always prepare an outline. I never go in blind. » |
1.2625 |
0.04950 |
80 |
59 |
21 |
0 |
2202 |
This next procedure was designed by our tele-health promotional team |
1.2625 |
0.05831 |
80 |
62 |
15 |
3 |
2203 |
Without trust, life is so paltry. |
1.2621 |
0.05155 |
103 |
80 |
19 |
4 |
2204 |
I find symmetry very soothing. Don't you? |
1.2621 |
0.05337 |
103 |
81 |
17 |
5 |
2205 |
It’s better than a colonoscopy. |
1.2621 |
0.05337 |
103 |
81 |
17 |
5 |
2206 |
I think we're twins . . . where did you get those tall socks from? |
1.2621 |
0.05337 |
103 |
81 |
17 |
5 |
2207 |
So you can see why I don’t need a robot to do remote surgery. |
1.2621 |
0.05155 |
103 |
80 |
19 |
4 |
2208 |
I was told this procedure only needs to be performed once. |
1.2621 |
0.05155 |
103 |
80 |
19 |
4 |
2209 |
We pride ourselves in our cutting-edge technology/ |
1.2619 |
0.05648 |
84 |
65 |
16 |
3 |
2210 |
Good news, bad news: the surgeon has terrible aim. |
1.2619 |
0.06135 |
84 |
67 |
12 |
5 |
2211 |
My patients often ask me how good I am with a knife. |
1.2619 |
0.05648 |
84 |
65 |
16 |
3 |
2212 |
You may feel a “pinch” at the beginning. |
1.2619 |
0.06135 |
84 |
67 |
12 |
5 |
2213 |
I'm blind...I'm also not a doctor. |
1.2619 |
0.06135 |
84 |
67 |
12 |
5 |
2214 |
But the circus life wasn't for me, so here I am." |
1.2619 |
0.05115 |
84 |
63 |
20 |
1 |
2215 |
Nobody sees the misses. |
1.2619 |
0.05115 |
84 |
63 |
20 |
1 |
2216 |
There's no charge for accidental vasectomies! |
1.2617 |
0.05529 |
107 |
86 |
14 |
7 |
2217 |
I kind of fell into surgery. |
1.2617 |
0.05367 |
107 |
85 |
16 |
6 |
2218 |
Your reflexes are delayed. |
1.2614 |
0.05937 |
88 |
70 |
13 |
5 |
2219 |
This will test your blood pressure. |
1.2614 |
0.04980 |
88 |
66 |
21 |
1 |
2220 |
Just think of it as an MRI ...with knives |
1.2614 |
0.05480 |
88 |
68 |
17 |
3 |
2221 |
Ready for lucky number 13? |
1.2614 |
0.05937 |
88 |
70 |
13 |
5 |
2222 |
The procedure is non invasive, but harrowing. |
1.2614 |
0.05480 |
88 |
68 |
17 |
3 |
2223 |
Next time put on the johnny gown when you are told to. |
1.2614 |
0.05937 |
88 |
70 |
13 |
5 |
2224 |
Part of our pre-op routine is a little trust-building exercise. |
1.2614 |
0.05480 |
88 |
68 |
17 |
3 |
2225 |
You ARE cut out for this |
1.2614 |
0.05480 |
88 |
68 |
17 |
3 |
2226 |
Mine is an alternative dermatology practice. |
1.2614 |
0.05480 |
88 |
68 |
17 |
3 |
2227 |
You're my doppelgänger, do you really think I'd try to miss? |
1.2614 |
0.05236 |
88 |
67 |
19 |
2 |
2228 |
The procedure has a 20% success rate. |
1.2614 |
0.05713 |
88 |
69 |
15 |
4 |
2229 |
I'm also the house physician for Cirque du Soleil. |
1.2614 |
0.05713 |
88 |
69 |
15 |
4 |
2230 |
For just two monthly payments of $19.99, they slice, they dice, they diagnose. |
1.2614 |
0.05937 |
88 |
70 |
13 |
5 |
2231 |
You’ll be awake through the whole thing. |
1.2614 |
0.05937 |
88 |
70 |
13 |
5 |
2232 |
this time, i’ll wear the blindfold. |
1.2614 |
0.04980 |
88 |
66 |
21 |
1 |
2233 |
We treat the fringes of the body, not the whole body |
1.2614 |
0.04980 |
88 |
66 |
21 |
1 |
2234 |
'Relax,this procedure uses a cutting edge new technology. |
1.2613 |
0.04909 |
111 |
86 |
21 |
4 |
2235 |
Relax -- I'm even more accurate when I actually use my hands. |
1.2613 |
0.04739 |
111 |
85 |
23 |
3 |
2236 |
Don’t move and you will be fine. See? |
1.2609 |
0.05960 |
92 |
74 |
12 |
6 |
2237 |
Point to where you want it to hurt. |
1.2609 |
0.05096 |
92 |
70 |
20 |
2 |
2238 |
One treatment and your tremors are gone--guaranteed! |
1.2609 |
0.04856 |
92 |
69 |
22 |
1 |
2239 |
Seriously, I've done this operation at least a dozen times. |
1.2609 |
0.05325 |
92 |
71 |
18 |
3 |
2240 |
My record speaks for itself. |
1.2609 |
0.06073 |
69 |
53 |
14 |
2 |
2241 |
‘Of course, this record is not a guarantee of future performance’ |
1.2609 |
0.05325 |
92 |
71 |
18 |
3 |
2242 |
Now just a few questions about your insurance coverage. |
1.2609 |
0.05325 |
92 |
71 |
18 |
3 |
2243 |
As an acupuncturist I’m continually honing my skills. |
1.2609 |
0.06073 |
69 |
53 |
14 |
2 |
2244 |
With my tennis elbow, this will hurt me more than you. |
1.2609 |
0.05325 |
92 |
71 |
18 |
3 |
2245 |
I like to loosen up before beginning. Now let’s get started on that vasectomy. |
1.2609 |
0.04797 |
115 |
89 |
22 |
4 |
2246 |
Great job, we’re now halfway through the identical twins skills evaluation…now it’s my turn to throw. |
1.2609 |
0.05325 |
92 |
71 |
18 |
3 |
2247 |
It's just a hobby of mine... |
1.2609 |
0.05096 |
92 |
70 |
20 |
2 |
2248 |
I like to operate outside of the lines |
1.2609 |
0.05325 |
92 |
71 |
18 |
3 |
2249 |
Think of it like a cop's firing range,only for Doctors! |
1.2609 |
0.05096 |
92 |
70 |
20 |
2 |
2250 |
They call me "The Blade" |
1.2609 |
0.05756 |
92 |
73 |
14 |
5 |
2251 |
It’s a 4-out-of-5 doctors thing. |
1.2609 |
0.05096 |
92 |
70 |
20 |
2 |
2252 |
We've eliminated nearly everything. One more and I think we'll hit the problem. |
1.2605 |
0.04539 |
119 |
91 |
25 |
3 |
2253 |
Feel lucky? |
1.2604 |
0.04966 |
96 |
73 |
21 |
2 |
2254 |
I'll call in a pharmaceutical salesperson and you can try it yourself. |
1.2604 |
0.04966 |
96 |
73 |
21 |
2 |
2255 |
Of course, with a real patient, we're more accurate. |
1.2604 |
0.05589 |
96 |
76 |
15 |
5 |
2256 |
That should solve your constipation problem. |
1.2604 |
0.04966 |
96 |
73 |
21 |
2 |
2257 |
It’s more like an open MRI. |
1.2604 |
0.05182 |
96 |
74 |
19 |
3 |
2258 |
My surgical technique is completely hands-off |
1.2604 |
0.05589 |
96 |
76 |
15 |
5 |
2259 |
I'LL GO FOR THE PROSTATE TEST |
1.2604 |
0.05589 |
96 |
76 |
15 |
5 |
2260 |
Well, you asked for the cheapest possible vasectomy. |
1.2604 |
0.05389 |
96 |
75 |
17 |
4 |
2261 |
My wart removal process is almost foolproof... |
1.2604 |
0.05182 |
96 |
74 |
19 |
3 |
2262 |
See, 100% success rate. Exactly as advertised! |
1.2604 |
0.05182 |
96 |
74 |
19 |
3 |
2263 |
Don't worry, just a routine check. |
1.2604 |
0.05389 |
96 |
75 |
17 |
4 |
2264 |
And this is from my early research into knifeless surgery. |
1.2600 |
0.05435 |
100 |
79 |
16 |
5 |
2265 |
Would you prefer precision or accuracy? |
1.2600 |
0.05435 |
100 |
79 |
16 |
5 |
2266 |
We will start as soon as my assistant brings the saw from the box. |
1.2600 |
0.05049 |
100 |
77 |
20 |
3 |
2267 |
Is it a hit or miss opportunity? |
1.2600 |
0.05245 |
100 |
78 |
18 |
4 |
2268 |
Oh, don't mind that; I like to practice between surgeries. |
1.2600 |
0.05049 |
100 |
77 |
20 |
3 |
2269 |
After covid, the Patellar knee jerk test just wasn’t doing it for me anymore. You passed, btw. |
1.2600 |
0.05245 |
100 |
78 |
18 |
4 |
2270 |
I know what you're thinking, but don't worry--it doesn't spin. |
1.2600 |
0.05435 |
100 |
79 |
16 |
5 |
2271 |
Told you you have nothing to worry about. |
1.2600 |
0.04845 |
100 |
76 |
22 |
2 |
2272 |
Healthcare: hit or miss. |
1.2600 |
0.05245 |
100 |
78 |
18 |
4 |
2273 |
Mr. McCarthy, it’s time for vote no. 13. |
1.2600 |
0.05617 |
100 |
80 |
14 |
6 |
2274 |
We do it standing up now because so many people are afraid of going “under” the knife. |
1.2600 |
0.05966 |
100 |
82 |
10 |
8 |
2275 |
If survivorship bias has taught me nothing, this will be a perfectly safe procedure |
1.2600 |
0.04632 |
100 |
75 |
24 |
1 |
2276 |
We call it "aura acupuncture". |
1.2600 |
0.05245 |
100 |
78 |
18 |
4 |
2277 |
No, those are from the chief resident. I'm just an intern. |
1.2597 |
0.05963 |
77 |
60 |
14 |
3 |
2278 |
There are several next steps in your training, including scalpels and patients |
1.2597 |
0.05359 |
77 |
58 |
18 |
1 |
2279 |
Your profile seems to be an ideal fit for surgery. |
1.2597 |
0.05359 |
77 |
58 |
18 |
1 |
2280 |
Rest assured, Mr. Jones, this procedure is on the cutting edge of medical technology. |
1.2597 |
0.05669 |
77 |
59 |
16 |
2 |
2281 |
Your Cut Scan results are in |
1.2597 |
0.06511 |
77 |
62 |
10 |
5 |
2282 |
It's our new constipation cure. It scares the shit out of you. |
1.2596 |
0.05633 |
104 |
84 |
13 |
7 |
2283 |
I always practice before vasectomies. |
1.2596 |
0.05112 |
104 |
81 |
19 |
4 |
2284 |
Okay, now let’s pinpoint where it really hurts. |
1.2596 |
0.04926 |
104 |
80 |
21 |
3 |
2285 |
I'd say your odds of getting cancer are zero. |
1.2595 |
0.04672 |
131 |
103 |
22 |
6 |
2286 |
I put together this brief outline
of your medical history. |
1.2593 |
0.05493 |
81 |
62 |
17 |
2 |
2287 |
That’s and outline of my last patient. The police just sent it over. |
1.2593 |
0.05483 |
108 |
87 |
14 |
7 |
2288 |
And for my next affordable care act, I will attempt to saw you in half. |
1.2593 |
0.05768 |
81 |
63 |
15 |
3 |
2289 |
See, I have done this procedure before. |
1.2593 |
0.04987 |
108 |
84 |
20 |
4 |
2290 |
I only wanted a close shave!!! |
1.2593 |
0.05768 |
81 |
63 |
15 |
3 |
2291 |
Last chance to reconsider this vasectomy. |
1.2593 |
0.04987 |
108 |
84 |
20 |
4 |
2292 |
I’m still pretty bad with a knife, but I’m feeling really positive about your upcoming vasectomy chances. |
1.2593 |
0.04810 |
108 |
83 |
22 |
3 |
2293 |
Ok now stand against the board with your shoes two feet apart. |
1.2593 |
0.04810 |
108 |
83 |
22 |
3 |
2294 |
To warm up...I put an apple on your head |
1.2593 |
0.05158 |
108 |
85 |
18 |
5 |
2295 |
Looks like you didn’t make the cut |
1.2593 |
0.05323 |
108 |
86 |
16 |
6 |
2296 |
Ready for number 13? |
1.2593 |
0.06029 |
81 |
64 |
13 |
4 |
2297 |
I'd say you have a one in thirteen chance of surviving. |
1.2593 |
0.04810 |
108 |
83 |
22 |
3 |
2298 |
Doctor: You see, I told you I wasn’t a backstabber. |
1.2593 |
0.04987 |
108 |
84 |
20 |
4 |
2299 |
Look at my wall of knives with the silhouette of a man drawn on it. Notice there are no knife hole in the silhouette. I’m a doctor. |
1.2589 |
0.05190 |
112 |
89 |
17 |
6 |
2300 |
Insurance companies still hesitate in full-coverage, even after my medical school residency at the Big Top |
1.2589 |
0.05343 |
112 |
90 |
15 |
7 |
2301 |
See? There's nothing to worry about. |
1.2588 |
0.05063 |
85 |
64 |
20 |
1 |
2302 |
This is a new minimally invasive procedure for colon cleansing. |
1.2588 |
0.05835 |
85 |
67 |
14 |
4 |
2303 |
Ready for surgery? |
1.2588 |
0.05589 |
85 |
66 |
16 |
3 |
2304 |
Don't worry, during the actual surgery I'll hit the mark. |
1.2588 |
0.05589 |
85 |
66 |
16 |
3 |
2305 |
I usually try to keep my medical practice separate from my magic act, but since you asked. |
1.2588 |
0.05589 |
85 |
66 |
16 |
3 |
2306 |
The treatment's effective, but it has some risks. |
1.2588 |
0.05333 |
85 |
65 |
18 |
2 |
2307 |
Trust me. I’ve done it many, many, many times. |
1.2588 |
0.05333 |
85 |
65 |
18 |
2 |
2308 |
You should see how we have to do it for folks with Medicare |
1.2588 |
0.06070 |
85 |
68 |
12 |
5 |
2309 |
The advantage to this procedure is that none of our patients have ever reported a recurrence. |
1.2586 |
0.04916 |
116 |
91 |
20 |
5 |
2310 |
Let's build up your confidence before the surgery! |
1.2586 |
0.05212 |
116 |
93 |
16 |
7 |
2311 |
To be fair, I was supposed to miss with those knives. And I did. So you can naturally assume that I have decent aim with knives. |
1.2584 |
0.05426 |
89 |
69 |
17 |
3 |
2312 |
Looks like your force field's still working. |
1.2584 |
0.05656 |
89 |
70 |
15 |
4 |
2313 |
My Medical Illustrator Courtney Brendal will draw a spleen on the wall and then we can get on with the operation. |
1.2584 |
0.05426 |
89 |
69 |
17 |
3 |
2314 |
We didn’t get all of it… |
1.2584 |
0.05656 |
89 |
70 |
15 |
4 |
2315 |
It's more intense than acupuncture. |
1.2584 |
0.05426 |
89 |
69 |
17 |
3 |
2316 |
It's genius really... Wherever it hits you, that's where you're sick. |
1.2584 |
0.05656 |
89 |
70 |
15 |
4 |
2317 |
Don't worry. This is science. See the white coat? |
1.2584 |
0.05426 |
89 |
69 |
17 |
3 |
2318 |
Don't worry. I have lucky #13 in my hand. |
1.2584 |
0.05426 |
89 |
69 |
17 |
3 |
2319 |
I also operate while on a unicycle. |
1.2584 |
0.04667 |
89 |
66 |
23 |
0 |
2320 |
Cutting edge surgery |
1.2584 |
0.05878 |
89 |
71 |
13 |
5 |
2321 |
We've determined it's NOT a nerve problem. |
1.2584 |
0.05426 |
89 |
69 |
17 |
3 |
2322 |
Or would you rather just cut out the snacks?? |
1.2584 |
0.05426 |
89 |
69 |
17 |
3 |
2323 |
My residency was in acupuncture. |
1.2584 |
0.06297 |
89 |
73 |
9 |
7 |
2324 |
I take the Do No Harm oath seriously. |
1.2584 |
0.05426 |
89 |
69 |
17 |
3 |
2325 |
Well that’s one way to get rid of hiccups. |
1.2584 |
0.05185 |
89 |
68 |
19 |
2 |
2326 |
-or you can decide to have surgery? |
1.2581 |
0.05275 |
93 |
72 |
18 |
3 |
2327 |
As you can see,my eye-hand coordination is nearly perfect. |
1.2581 |
0.05275 |
93 |
72 |
18 |
3 |
2328 |
Most HMOs cover this |
1.2581 |
0.05492 |
93 |
73 |
16 |
4 |
2329 |
Don’t worry, throwing knives aren’t my specialty |
1.2581 |
0.05275 |
93 |
72 |
18 |
3 |
2330 |
Trust me, I'm no backstabber. |
1.2581 |
0.05701 |
93 |
74 |
14 |
5 |
2331 |
This scan is hit or miss. |
1.2581 |
0.05275 |
93 |
72 |
18 |
3 |
2332 |
We have a success rate of about 12 out of 13 with this procedure. |
1.2581 |
0.05701 |
93 |
74 |
14 |
5 |
2333 |
Is this non invasive surgery doc? |
1.2581 |
0.05275 |
93 |
72 |
18 |
3 |
2334 |
It's how I put myself through Med School |
1.2581 |
0.05275 |
93 |
72 |
18 |
3 |
2335 |
Either way, |
1.2581 |
0.05492 |
93 |
73 |
16 |
4 |
2336 |
They all had vision problems. I'm sure you won't miss! |
1.2581 |
0.05275 |
93 |
72 |
18 |
3 |
2337 |
Doctor, what about between the legs |
1.2581 |
0.05701 |
93 |
74 |
14 |
5 |
2338 |
I was a circus school dropout. So I settled for a medical degree. |
1.2581 |
0.04811 |
93 |
70 |
22 |
1 |
2339 |
Before I operate I always like to test out my precision skills |
1.2577 |
0.05135 |
97 |
75 |
19 |
3 |
2340 |
Well, time goes on. We are now switching to the double-blind protocol. |
1.2577 |
0.04922 |
97 |
74 |
21 |
2 |
2341 |
First we practice, then we operate. |
1.2577 |
0.05340 |
97 |
76 |
17 |
4 |
2342 |
Not to worry. I'm much better at this when you're lying down. |
1.2577 |
0.05340 |
97 |
76 |
17 |
4 |
2343 |
Is this your first vasectomy? |
1.2577 |
0.05538 |
97 |
77 |
15 |
5 |
2344 |
That does it for my warm-ups. Let's head over for your surgery. |
1.2577 |
0.04464 |
97 |
72 |
25 |
0 |
2345 |
It seems your Aura is the problem |
1.2577 |
0.05135 |
97 |
75 |
19 |
3 |
2346 |
This is minimally invasive... |
1.2577 |
0.04922 |
97 |
74 |
21 |
2 |
2347 |
This time, let's try it with a blindfold. |
1.2577 |
0.04922 |
97 |
74 |
21 |
2 |
2348 |
As surgical procedures go, it's hit or miss. |
1.2574 |
0.05567 |
101 |
81 |
14 |
6 |
2349 |
Don't fret. Your odds of survival are better here. |
1.2574 |
0.05387 |
101 |
80 |
16 |
5 |
2350 |
Everything looks good. You don’t need to go under the knife. |
1.2574 |
0.04804 |
101 |
77 |
22 |
2 |
2351 |
Eleven out of twelve ain't bad. |
1.2574 |
0.05387 |
101 |
80 |
16 |
5 |
2352 |
Did you sign the surgery consent form? |
1.2571 |
0.04494 |
105 |
79 |
25 |
1 |
2353 |
Coming from a circus family, I like to keep in practice, now about your surgery... |
1.2571 |
0.05069 |
105 |
82 |
19 |
4 |
2354 |
Anybody ever told you that you may not be cut out to be an assassin? |
1.2571 |
0.05585 |
105 |
85 |
13 |
7 |
2355 |
We’re trying to put some fun into triage. |
1.2571 |
0.05246 |
105 |
83 |
17 |
5 |
2356 |
Okay, now this one will test if you understand survivorship bias. |
1.2571 |
0.05418 |
105 |
84 |
15 |
6 |
2357 |
Let's hope I get it right this time! |
1.2571 |
0.05246 |
105 |
83 |
17 |
5 |
2358 |
I think we should get a professional to do this, doc. |
1.2571 |
0.05069 |
105 |
82 |
19 |
4 |
2359 |
It is an HMO billing app |
1.2571 |
0.04885 |
105 |
81 |
21 |
3 |
2360 |
It’s a relatively simple surgery as you can see. |
1.2571 |
0.05069 |
105 |
82 |
19 |
4 |
2361 |
This is part of our new colonoscopy prep |
1.2571 |
0.05069 |
105 |
82 |
19 |
4 |
2362 |
First we eliminate the obvious. |
1.2569 |
0.04947 |
109 |
85 |
20 |
4 |
2363 |
A good scalpel is so hard to find. |
1.2569 |
0.04772 |
109 |
84 |
22 |
3 |
2364 |
As you can see, the procedure is completely safe. |
1.2568 |
0.05792 |
74 |
57 |
15 |
2 |
2365 |
This time, for sure... |
1.2568 |
0.05463 |
74 |
56 |
17 |
1 |
2366 |
Not a very good marksman |
1.2568 |
0.05463 |
74 |
56 |
17 |
1 |
2367 |
Are you familiar with Ed Ames? |
1.2566 |
0.04666 |
113 |
87 |
23 |
3 |
2368 |
I'll see you next month for the archery tests. |
1.2566 |
0.04666 |
113 |
87 |
23 |
3 |
2369 |
Whadda say twin brother; one more for good luck? |
1.2564 |
0.05605 |
78 |
60 |
16 |
2 |
2370 |
Well, now we know what it's not. |
1.2564 |
0.05605 |
78 |
60 |
16 |
2 |
2371 |
I was in the circus before I became a surgeon. |
1.2564 |
0.05895 |
78 |
61 |
14 |
3 |
2372 |
The vasectomy is on the house |
1.2564 |
0.05895 |
78 |
61 |
14 |
3 |
2373 |
I’ve always been good with a knife, so I sez, why not try my hand at surgery? |
1.2564 |
0.04976 |
78 |
58 |
20 |
0 |
2374 |
My aim is improving. |
1.2561 |
0.05151 |
82 |
62 |
19 |
1 |
2375 |
When my referring physician said you had great eye-hand coordination, I was impressed. I wasn't particularly looking for a surgeon who is a magician, though. |
1.2561 |
0.05964 |
82 |
65 |
13 |
4 |
2376 |
I like to reassure my patients that I have a zero percent success rate. |
1.2561 |
0.05964 |
82 |
65 |
13 |
4 |
2377 |
Whaddya say, double or nothing? |
1.2561 |
0.05151 |
82 |
62 |
19 |
1 |
2378 |
Now that you trust my aim let’s get on with the vasectomy shall we? |
1.2561 |
0.05964 |
82 |
65 |
13 |
4 |
2379 |
It simulates your current lifestyle choices. |
1.2561 |
0.05964 |
82 |
65 |
13 |
4 |
2380 |
Hospitals are trying to add some fun back to being a patient. |
1.2561 |
0.05964 |
82 |
65 |
13 |
4 |
2381 |
Your insurance pays for me to have BOTH eyes open! |
1.2561 |
0.05435 |
82 |
63 |
17 |
2 |
2382 |
My fellowship was at Cirque du Soleil |
1.2561 |
0.05435 |
82 |
63 |
17 |
2 |
2383 |
I'm afraid you're going to have to go under the knife. |
1.2558 |
0.05013 |
86 |
65 |
20 |
1 |
2384 |
It's a bit controversial, but this new laxative treatment will clear you right up. |
1.2558 |
0.05532 |
86 |
67 |
16 |
3 |
2385 |
So as you can see,our new AI knife-throwing computer is 100 safe. |
1.2558 |
0.05279 |
86 |
66 |
18 |
2 |
2386 |
Relax |
1.2558 |
0.05774 |
86 |
68 |
14 |
4 |
2387 |
sometimes i want to play darts when im in surgery so im combining them |
1.2558 |
0.05532 |
86 |
67 |
16 |
3 |
2388 |
Relax, you're covered by your health insurance. |
1.2556 |
0.05135 |
90 |
69 |
19 |
2 |
2389 |
If I were you, I’d eat more apples |
1.2556 |
0.05373 |
90 |
70 |
17 |
3 |
2390 |
A little something I like to do before making that first incision. |
1.2556 |
0.05135 |
90 |
69 |
19 |
2 |
2391 |
Now I’ll show you where I’m going in for your operation. |
1.2556 |
0.05373 |
90 |
70 |
17 |
3 |
2392 |
Not to worry I only use sterilized knives |
1.2556 |
0.05600 |
90 |
71 |
15 |
4 |
2393 |
Before we begin we will need you to sign our consent form. |
1.2556 |
0.05600 |
90 |
71 |
15 |
4 |
2394 |
I'm a professional knife thrower. I only do surgeries in my spare time. |
1.2556 |
0.05135 |
90 |
69 |
19 |
2 |
2395 |
Don’t worry, this is covered by your insurance. |
1.2556 |
0.04886 |
90 |
68 |
21 |
1 |
2396 |
Congratulations. Your auraectomy was a success." |
1.2556 |
0.05135 |
90 |
69 |
19 |
2 |
2397 |
This is how I spend my spare time. |
1.2556 |
0.05819 |
90 |
72 |
13 |
5 |
2398 |
Looks like your condition is inoperable. |
1.2556 |
0.05373 |
90 |
70 |
17 |
3 |
2399 |
We’re calling it “American Acupuncture |
1.2556 |
0.06233 |
90 |
74 |
9 |
7 |
2400 |
If symptoms persist come back in four to six weeks. |
1.2556 |
0.05819 |
90 |
72 |
13 |
5 |
2401 |
Before we continue with our examination,
is your health insurance paid up? |
1.2553 |
0.04768 |
94 |
71 |
22 |
1 |
2402 |
So I was thinking, why not put a little excitement in the ole vasectomy? |
1.2553 |
0.05226 |
94 |
73 |
18 |
3 |
2403 |
There's nothing to worry about.
If I hit you, I simply wave the copay. |
1.2553 |
0.05226 |
94 |
73 |
18 |
3 |
2404 |
You'll feel a pinch. |
1.2553 |
0.05440 |
94 |
74 |
16 |
4 |
2405 |
Your surgeon is Armenian |
1.2553 |
0.05440 |
94 |
74 |
16 |
4 |
2406 |
No worries. |
1.2553 |
0.05226 |
94 |
73 |
18 |
3 |
2407 |
well, i think we've established that I'm consistent with my knife work |
1.2553 |
0.05002 |
94 |
72 |
20 |
2 |
2408 |
Well, I can say no patient has ever complained about a miss. |
1.2553 |
0.05647 |
94 |
75 |
14 |
5 |
2409 |
Practice makes perfect, wouldn't you agree? |
1.2553 |
0.05440 |
94 |
74 |
16 |
4 |
2410 |
Definitely you are not yet in a perfect shape. |
1.2553 |
0.05440 |
94 |
74 |
16 |
4 |
2411 |
Stand tall and be the brave man that you want to be |
1.2553 |
0.04768 |
94 |
71 |
22 |
1 |
2412 |
That was the magician, I'm your cardiologist |
1.2553 |
0.05647 |
94 |
75 |
14 |
5 |
2413 |
My technique is cutting edge. |
1.2553 |
0.05226 |
94 |
73 |
18 |
3 |
2414 |
The test result indicates that the vaccine has not made you magnetic |
1.2553 |
0.05846 |
94 |
76 |
12 |
6 |
2415 |
this is just the warmup |
1.2553 |
0.05226 |
94 |
73 |
18 |
3 |
2416 |
This is how i'm not gonna do it! |
1.2553 |
0.05647 |
94 |
75 |
14 |
5 |
2417 |
Don’t worry. I almost always miss. |
1.2553 |
0.05440 |
94 |
74 |
16 |
4 |
2418 |
I won "Doctors Got Talent" last year. |
1.2551 |
0.04878 |
98 |
75 |
21 |
2 |
2419 |
Well, I think we've narrowed it down... |
1.2551 |
0.05676 |
98 |
79 |
13 |
6 |
2420 |
‘You stand there and now it’s the medical students turn’ |
1.2551 |
0.05292 |
98 |
77 |
17 |
4 |
2421 |
I just scared whatever was wrong out of the last patient. |
1.2551 |
0.04658 |
98 |
74 |
23 |
1 |
2422 |
Don't play with knives," mom always said. Well, look at me now |
1.2551 |
0.05858 |
98 |
80 |
11 |
7 |
2423 |
In a minute, I’m about to feel some pressure. |
1.2551 |
0.05089 |
98 |
76 |
19 |
3 |
2424 |
Yeah yeah acupuncture that's what this is... |
1.2551 |
0.05089 |
98 |
76 |
19 |
3 |
2425 |
Don't worry, you'll be lying down for the real surgery. |
1.2551 |
0.05089 |
98 |
76 |
19 |
3 |
2426 |
My nurse usually does this, but we’ve had some staffing shortages. |
1.2551 |
0.05292 |
98 |
77 |
17 |
4 |
2427 |
Any doctor can just cut you open... |
1.2551 |
0.05089 |
98 |
76 |
19 |
3 |
2428 |
Ok - now it’s my turn. |
1.2551 |
0.05089 |
98 |
76 |
19 |
3 |
2429 |
As a surgeon, it's important for me to keep up with my knife skills. |
1.2551 |
0.04426 |
98 |
73 |
25 |
0 |
2430 |
We use cutting edge technology |
1.2551 |
0.04878 |
98 |
75 |
21 |
2 |
2431 |
You'll be laying down when we do yours. |
1.2551 |
0.05292 |
98 |
77 |
17 |
4 |
2432 |
This is our best way to test if you are ready to go under the knife |
1.2551 |
0.05089 |
98 |
76 |
19 |
3 |
2433 |
I used to perform in the circus. Maybe you’ve seen me? |
1.2551 |
0.05487 |
98 |
78 |
15 |
5 |
2434 |
And they said my carnival training won’t translate to delicate surgery. But let’s get in there and prove them all wrong! |
1.2551 |
0.05487 |
98 |
78 |
15 |
5 |
2435 |
I also perform brises |
1.2549 |
0.04763 |
102 |
78 |
22 |
2 |
2436 |
After that, this should be a piece of cake. |
1.2549 |
0.04763 |
102 |
78 |
22 |
2 |
2437 |
The dartboard's just for the diagnosis |
1.2549 |
0.04763 |
102 |
78 |
22 |
2 |
2438 |
It's the "Surgeon 1.01" |
1.2549 |
0.04963 |
102 |
79 |
20 |
3 |
2439 |
My method reveals a great deal more than standard imaging.. |
1.2549 |
0.04555 |
102 |
77 |
24 |
1 |
2440 |
I quite disagree. There's nothing hit and miss about it at all. |
1.2549 |
0.04963 |
102 |
79 |
20 |
3 |
2441 |
Don’t worry. I’ve done thousands of these operations without losing a patient. |
1.2549 |
0.04555 |
102 |
77 |
24 |
1 |
2442 |
Your insurance company only covers accuracy, not precision. |
1.2549 |
0.04963 |
102 |
79 |
20 |
3 |
2443 |
This will be interesting. I've never thrown knives at my doppelganger. Also did I mention I hate myself? |
1.2549 |
0.05155 |
102 |
80 |
18 |
4 |
2444 |
Don't be fooled by those misses . . . |
1.2547 |
0.05372 |
106 |
85 |
15 |
6 |
2445 |
Get in there. I call it the Baker’s Dozen. |
1.2547 |
0.04845 |
106 |
82 |
21 |
3 |
2446 |
Wait till you see what I can do inside the body! |
1.2547 |
0.05697 |
106 |
87 |
11 |
8 |
2447 |
We nearly nailed you in a premature coffin. |
1.2545 |
0.04907 |
110 |
86 |
20 |
4 |
2448 |
Though adult circumcisions are trickier, as you can see I’ve been practicing all day |
1.2545 |
0.04907 |
110 |
86 |
20 |
4 |
2449 |
You think that's good? Wait till you see where I put this last one. |
1.2544 |
0.04631 |
114 |
88 |
23 |
3 |
2450 |
Do not worry. You will be under anesthesia during the whole time. |
1.2544 |
0.05259 |
114 |
92 |
15 |
7 |
2451 |
You’re gonna feel a little pinch |
1.2544 |
0.05259 |
114 |
92 |
15 |
7 |
2452 |
It's a Banksy. |
1.2541 |
0.04442 |
122 |
94 |
25 |
3 |
2453 |
Congratulations! You will be starting in the sequel of “Knives Out” |
1.2535 |
0.06254 |
71 |
56 |
12 |
3 |
2454 |
Say 'Ah!' |
1.2533 |
0.05724 |
75 |
58 |
15 |
2 |
2455 |
It's really just a process of elimination. |
1.2533 |
0.05400 |
75 |
57 |
17 |
1 |
2456 |
This is our alternative to hospital insurance. |
1.2533 |
0.06601 |
75 |
61 |
9 |
5 |
2457 |
Our aptitude test shows that you could have a great future in the circus, but you'd be a lousy serial killer. |
1.2533 |
0.06031 |
75 |
59 |
13 |
3 |
2458 |
We try and pinpoint the lesion |
1.2533 |
0.05400 |
75 |
57 |
17 |
1 |
2459 |
As you can see Mr. Morton, you’ll be absolutely fine. As long as you’re exactly the right size and shape. |
1.2533 |
0.06031 |
75 |
59 |
13 |
3 |
2460 |
This treatment has not only straightened out people's back problems but it has fixed their posture as well. |
1.2532 |
0.05829 |
79 |
62 |
14 |
3 |
2461 |
Unfortunately, this is the only treatment covered by your insurance. |
1.2532 |
0.06101 |
79 |
63 |
12 |
4 |
2462 |
This is just a rudimentary outline of your diagnosis. I'd like to hone in on some inner areas. |
1.2530 |
0.06143 |
83 |
67 |
11 |
5 |
2463 |
The good news is this time we won't be going in blind. |
1.2530 |
0.05378 |
83 |
64 |
17 |
2 |
2464 |
So, I told you it was safe, no? |
1.2530 |
0.05645 |
83 |
65 |
15 |
3 |
2465 |
David, I thought the first step should be some exploratory surgery. |
1.2530 |
0.05098 |
83 |
63 |
19 |
1 |
2466 |
You will be a cut above the rest. |
1.2530 |
0.06143 |
83 |
67 |
11 |
5 |
2467 |
Relax. It’s a twin thing. |
1.2530 |
0.05378 |
83 |
64 |
17 |
2 |
2468 |
Ready to go under the knife? |
1.2530 |
0.05098 |
83 |
63 |
19 |
1 |
2469 |
Way, way more fun than an MRI. |
1.2530 |
0.05899 |
83 |
66 |
13 |
4 |
2470 |
Can you guess where this one goes? |
1.2529 |
0.05476 |
87 |
68 |
16 |
3 |
2471 |
Yes, I know it's prostate surgery. |
1.2529 |
0.04964 |
87 |
66 |
20 |
1 |
2472 |
You did well in your pre-surgery procedure. |
1.2529 |
0.05476 |
87 |
68 |
16 |
3 |
2473 |
This is not my first rodeo. |
1.2529 |
0.05944 |
87 |
70 |
12 |
5 |
2474 |
I'm gonna kill you, John. |
1.2529 |
0.05944 |
87 |
70 |
12 |
5 |
2475 |
It seems to alleviate constipation in my patients |
1.2529 |
0.05226 |
87 |
67 |
18 |
2 |
2476 |
Let's wait until my hiccups go away. |
1.2529 |
0.04687 |
87 |
65 |
22 |
0 |
2477 |
And finally, this is what your insurance covers. |
1.2529 |
0.05226 |
87 |
67 |
18 |
2 |
2478 |
It’s a death defying treatment |
1.2529 |
0.05476 |
87 |
68 |
16 |
3 |
2479 |
Those are all the spots where we won’t cut. |
1.2529 |
0.05476 |
87 |
68 |
16 |
3 |
2480 |
Unless, of course, it’s survivor bias. |
1.2529 |
0.05715 |
87 |
69 |
14 |
4 |
2481 |
It's not really a test for you as much as it is for my eyesight. |
1.2529 |
0.05476 |
87 |
68 |
16 |
3 |
2482 |
Once we get this darn package open, we’ll have a much better outfit for you to wear for surgery. |
1.2529 |
0.05715 |
87 |
69 |
14 |
4 |
2483 |
You decide, do you want a physician or a magician? |
1.2529 |
0.05715 |
87 |
69 |
14 |
4 |
2484 |
The only real risk is the bill. |
1.2529 |
0.05226 |
87 |
67 |
18 |
2 |
2485 |
You're my first hernia |
1.2527 |
0.05086 |
91 |
70 |
19 |
2 |
2486 |
The surgery has a 90% success rate. Ready? |
1.2527 |
0.05086 |
91 |
70 |
19 |
2 |
2487 |
This is one diagnostic technique we save for last. |
1.2527 |
0.05321 |
91 |
71 |
17 |
3 |
2488 |
The receptionist did collect your copay already, right? |
1.2527 |
0.05546 |
91 |
72 |
15 |
4 |
2489 |
See it is possible not to hit you. |
1.2527 |
0.05321 |
91 |
71 |
17 |
3 |
2490 |
Ever played Operation? |
1.2527 |
0.05086 |
91 |
70 |
19 |
2 |
2491 |
Before we go ahead, our lawyer needs to know your average income for the past five years. |
1.2527 |
0.05086 |
91 |
70 |
19 |
2 |
2492 |
Now say AAAAHH! |
1.2527 |
0.05321 |
91 |
71 |
17 |
3 |
2493 |
As you can see, I don't have much experience with treating prostrate cancer. |
1.2527 |
0.05546 |
91 |
72 |
15 |
4 |
2494 |
The odds, Harrison, are not in your favor. |
1.2527 |
0.05970 |
91 |
74 |
11 |
6 |
2495 |
Breaking News: Local surgeon stabs distracted identical twin patient in the back. |
1.2527 |
0.05086 |
91 |
70 |
19 |
2 |
2496 |
See, I told you only 1% of thrown knives are fatal - all of these were completely harmless! |
1.2527 |
0.05086 |
91 |
70 |
19 |
2 |
2497 |
The pre-op prep is key. |
1.2526 |
0.05593 |
95 |
76 |
14 |
5 |
2498 |
I call it... the Caesarean |
1.2526 |
0.05593 |
95 |
76 |
14 |
5 |
2499 |
This is your last chance to show me you're able to be a surgeon. |
1.2526 |
0.05177 |
95 |
74 |
18 |
3 |
2500 |
Let’s try that vasectomy one more time. |
1.2526 |
0.05177 |
95 |
74 |
18 |
3 |
2501 |
This is what I've outlined for your surgery. |
1.2526 |
0.05177 |
95 |
74 |
18 |
3 |
2502 |
I should warn you appendectomies can be hit or miss. |
1.2526 |
0.05389 |
95 |
75 |
16 |
4 |
2503 |
Surgery is stressful for us too. Waiting for you to wake up, we stood you up and unwound with an amusing little game. |
1.2526 |
0.06165 |
95 |
79 |
8 |
8 |
2504 |
I did my residency through Ringling Brothers. |
1.2526 |
0.05177 |
95 |
74 |
18 |
3 |
2505 |
The manufacturer warns of a very slight risk of impalement. |
1.2526 |
0.05177 |
95 |
74 |
18 |
3 |
2506 |
You were never in any real danger. |
1.2526 |
0.05593 |
95 |
76 |
14 |
5 |
2507 |
It was an off day. |
1.2526 |
0.04956 |
95 |
73 |
20 |
2 |
2508 |
Sure, juggling knives is dangerous, but it was the MRI that killed him. |
1.2526 |
0.04956 |
95 |
73 |
20 |
2 |
2509 |
I think we’ve narrowed the options down to one or two. |
1.2525 |
0.04836 |
99 |
76 |
21 |
2 |
2510 |
I suggest laser surgery. Say, have you ever watched "Goldfinger?" |
1.2525 |
0.05245 |
99 |
78 |
17 |
4 |
2511 |
Makes you forget all about that gall bladder,eh? |
1.2525 |
0.05438 |
99 |
79 |
15 |
5 |
2512 |
Doctor, I can tell you're cutting-edge in your field. |
1.2525 |
0.05438 |
99 |
79 |
15 |
5 |
2513 |
The x-ray will help me zero in. |
1.2525 |
0.05044 |
99 |
77 |
19 |
3 |
2514 |
oh yes, quite necessary |
1.2525 |
0.05245 |
99 |
78 |
17 |
4 |
2515 |
I used to work in the circus before I became a surgeon. |
1.2524 |
0.04921 |
103 |
80 |
20 |
3 |
2516 |
Well, I don't see any problems here, so we'll have to do a complete blood panel, a hearing test, a stress test, a chest X-ray, a biopsy, an EKG, an ECG, a CAT scan, and an MRI. Then we'll try again with bigger knives. |
1.2524 |
0.04921 |
103 |
80 |
20 |
3 |
2517 |
steady as a rock and you? |
1.2523 |
0.04805 |
107 |
83 |
21 |
3 |
2518 |
Thanks for coming in. We'll have your results in a day or two. |
1.2523 |
0.04985 |
107 |
84 |
19 |
4 |
2519 |
Don’t worry, this is cutting-edge technology. |
1.2523 |
0.04868 |
111 |
87 |
20 |
4 |
2520 |
The last patient walked away, with my knives. |
1.2523 |
0.04519 |
111 |
85 |
24 |
2 |
2521 |
I think we're getting closer to diagnosing your problem. |
1.2523 |
0.05194 |
111 |
89 |
16 |
6 |
2522 |
They named white coat hypertension after me! |
1.2523 |
0.05349 |
111 |
90 |
14 |
7 |
2523 |
Exposure therapy for your aichmophobia |
1.2523 |
0.04868 |
111 |
87 |
20 |
4 |
2524 |
How about if we just clone you? |
1.2522 |
0.04916 |
115 |
91 |
19 |
5 |
2525 |
You’ll feel a little pinch on this last one. |
1.2500 |
0.05492 |
92 |
73 |
15 |
4 |
2526 |
So we leave nothing to chance, let's decide now who gets to wear the blindfold. |
1.2500 |
0.05837 |
84 |
67 |
13 |
4 |
2527 |
I’m much better with a knife if you would just lie down and relax. |
1.2500 |
0.05764 |
80 |
63 |
14 |
3 |
2528 |
I like to keep things light with a carnival atmosphere. |
1.2500 |
0.06033 |
80 |
64 |
12 |
4 |
2529 |
I use this if acupuncture doesn’t do the trick. |
1.2500 |
0.04684 |
104 |
80 |
22 |
2 |
2530 |
We have a 95 percent recovery rate. |
1.2500 |
0.04795 |
92 |
70 |
21 |
1 |
2531 |
See, I’ve got a perfect record. |
1.2500 |
0.04879 |
104 |
81 |
20 |
3 |
2532 |
Let's try for a baker's dozen. |
1.2500 |
0.05657 |
88 |
70 |
14 |
4 |
2533 |
Yes, it was buried
among the forms you signed. |
1.2500 |
0.06289 |
80 |
65 |
10 |
5 |
2534 |
You think this is bad? If you weren’t insured I woulda done it after my lunchtime bourbon. |
1.2500 |
0.05186 |
80 |
61 |
18 |
1 |
2535 |
It's acupuncture -- Jersey style. |
1.2500 |
0.05421 |
88 |
69 |
16 |
3 |
2536 |
This procedure for your anxiety is really hit or miss. |
1.2500 |
0.05130 |
96 |
75 |
18 |
3 |
2537 |
Wish I were that skillful with the scalpel” |
1.2500 |
0.05421 |
88 |
69 |
16 |
3 |
2538 |
Of course, during the actual procedure, we'll strap you to a rotating target. |
1.2500 |
0.05837 |
84 |
67 |
13 |
4 |
2539 |
This new constipation cure is truly cutting edge! |
1.2500 |
0.06176 |
72 |
57 |
12 |
3 |
2540 |
So let me ask you this.....are you feeling lucky? |
1.2500 |
0.05175 |
88 |
68 |
18 |
2 |
2541 |
It's a bit like painting-by-numbers... but different ! |
1.2500 |
0.05322 |
84 |
65 |
17 |
2 |
2542 |
Best laxative ever. No drugs. Fast acting. |
1.2500 |
0.05883 |
88 |
71 |
12 |
5 |
2543 |
Im better blindfolded. |
1.2500 |
0.06077 |
84 |
68 |
11 |
5 |
2544 |
See? You won't feel a thing... |
1.2500 |
0.06176 |
72 |
57 |
12 |
3 |
2545 |
Harry I’m your twin brother, trust me |
1.2500 |
0.05175 |
88 |
68 |
18 |
2 |
2546 |
Do I have a choice? |
1.2500 |
0.05764 |
80 |
63 |
14 |
3 |
2547 |
And this is where our surgeons receive their training, so as you can see they are quite skilled." |
1.2500 |
0.05000 |
76 |
57 |
19 |
0 |
2548 |
I can get your aura back in shape in no time! |
1.2500 |
0.05198 |
100 |
79 |
17 |
4 |
2549 |
It seems your organs are all working properly. |
1.2500 |
0.05186 |
80 |
61 |
18 |
1 |
2550 |
Pick a knife, any knife. |
1.2500 |
0.05658 |
76 |
59 |
15 |
2 |
2551 |
This could make it a Baker's Dozen. Care to try again? |
1.2500 |
0.05851 |
72 |
56 |
14 |
2 |
2552 |
Well, like I said earlier, diagnosis is a tricky business. |
1.2500 |
0.05585 |
84 |
66 |
15 |
3 |
2553 |
As you can see, he usually misses. |
1.2500 |
0.05492 |
92 |
73 |
15 |
4 |
2554 |
And as an incentive to stick with your weight-loss program . . . |
1.2500 |
0.05690 |
68 |
52 |
15 |
1 |
2555 |
We find that knife-throwing accidents are more likely to be covered by insurance. |
1.2500 |
0.05038 |
92 |
71 |
19 |
2 |
2556 |
Doc, is this what you mean by cutting-edge treatment? |
1.2500 |
0.04916 |
88 |
67 |
20 |
1 |
2557 |
How can you trust me with this and not your heart surgery?!? |
1.2500 |
0.05038 |
92 |
71 |
19 |
2 |
2558 |
The last guy went 12 for 13. |
1.2500 |
0.05175 |
88 |
68 |
18 |
2 |
2559 |
Now that we have your patient profile are you ready for the examination? |
1.2500 |
0.05198 |
100 |
79 |
17 |
4 |
2560 |
So we've narrowed it down to the next surgery being within the outlined area. |
1.2500 |
0.04911 |
96 |
74 |
20 |
2 |
2561 |
The pathologist has concluded that your problem is not cardiological. |
1.2500 |
0.05764 |
80 |
63 |
14 |
3 |
2562 |
the scan of course will tell us more |
1.2500 |
0.05322 |
84 |
65 |
17 |
2 |
2563 |
You've got insurance right? |
1.2500 |
0.06077 |
84 |
68 |
11 |
5 |
2564 |
See, I don't even aim for the nads. |
1.2500 |
0.05270 |
92 |
72 |
17 |
3 |
2565 |
Are you game for one more? |
1.2500 |
0.05492 |
92 |
73 |
15 |
4 |
2566 |
I've learned a lot about heart surgery since medical school. |
1.2500 |
0.04539 |
92 |
69 |
23 |
0 |
2567 |
Trust me, I know right where it is. Just hold still. |
1.2500 |
0.05585 |
84 |
66 |
15 |
3 |
2568 |
The appendectomy was not a success. |
1.2500 |
0.04994 |
112 |
89 |
18 |
5 |
2569 |
This test is to establish that a knife wound is not your main problem. |
1.2500 |
0.05764 |
80 |
63 |
14 |
3 |
2570 |
First do no harm” is my mantra |
1.2500 |
0.06176 |
72 |
57 |
12 |
3 |
2571 |
I learned a thing or two in culinary school. |
1.2500 |
0.05322 |
84 |
65 |
17 |
2 |
2572 |
Everyone described an “ out of body experience”. |
1.2500 |
0.05837 |
84 |
67 |
13 |
4 |
2573 |
Yes, we will hire you to outline the body at the crime scene |
1.2500 |
0.05389 |
100 |
80 |
15 |
5 |
2574 |
... "Of course, superficial control is always adhered to." |
1.2500 |
0.05046 |
84 |
64 |
19 |
1 |
2575 |
As you can see, these knives were thrown with surgical precision |
1.2500 |
0.05705 |
92 |
74 |
13 |
5 |
2576 |
I’m not quite there yet as a surgeon, but I’m getting closer. |
1.2500 |
0.05322 |
84 |
65 |
17 |
2 |
2577 |
It's the bleeding edge in imaging technology. |
1.2500 |
0.05492 |
92 |
73 |
15 |
4 |
2578 |
It was a summer job |
1.2500 |
0.05658 |
76 |
59 |
15 |
2 |
2579 |
That's a dozen misses, son. You'll have to sharpen your game or you will never get out of here. |
1.2500 |
0.05038 |
92 |
71 |
19 |
2 |
2580 |
Sometimes the OR is a real circus so I've been practicing |
1.2500 |
0.05186 |
80 |
61 |
18 |
1 |
2581 |
I specialize in aura plastic surgery. |
1.2500 |
0.05883 |
88 |
71 |
12 |
5 |
2582 |
This thermal seeking blade will determine where the cancer cells are located. |
1.2500 |
0.05198 |
100 |
79 |
17 |
4 |
2583 |
Jeremy, are you sure there’s nothing else you want to disclose in our session? |
1.2500 |
0.05339 |
96 |
76 |
16 |
4 |
2584 |
We had to revert to some medieval methods with our MRI machine in the shop |
1.2500 |
0.05705 |
92 |
74 |
13 |
5 |
2585 |
Gort. Klatu berrada nicto. Klatu. Berrada. Nicto. |
1.2500 |
0.05837 |
84 |
67 |
13 |
4 |
2586 |
I know exactly where your heart is, and will avoid it at all costs. |
1.2500 |
0.05322 |
84 |
65 |
17 |
2 |
2587 |
Before we get started, would you like a photo-op for your social media? |
1.2500 |
0.06248 |
76 |
61 |
11 |
4 |
2588 |
ok… now we check your prostate |
1.2500 |
0.05421 |
88 |
69 |
16 |
3 |
2589 |
Your insurance denied our request to use fluoroscopic guidance, so there’s no other option |
1.2500 |
0.05585 |
84 |
66 |
15 |
3 |
2590 |
I’ve been practicing for months. |
1.2500 |
0.05067 |
104 |
82 |
18 |
4 |
2591 |
And for my final trick, I’ll make you appendix disappear |
1.2500 |
0.05421 |
88 |
69 |
16 |
3 |
2592 |
It’ll be an epic BRIS |
1.2500 |
0.05541 |
96 |
77 |
14 |
5 |
2593 |
It’s amputative elective surgery for influencers. Wildly ineffective, horrifically entertaining. |
1.2500 |
0.06749 |
68 |
55 |
9 |
4 |
2594 |
I swear your hiccups will be gone in less than 2 minutes. |
1.2500 |
0.06033 |
80 |
64 |
12 |
4 |
2595 |
I'd offer protective gear, but you can't afford it. |
1.2500 |
0.06063 |
68 |
53 |
13 |
2 |
2596 |
Your existential surgery was a success. |
1.2500 |
0.05339 |
76 |
58 |
17 |
1 |
2597 |
Yes, I did attend clown college. |
1.2500 |
0.04795 |
92 |
70 |
21 |
1 |
2598 |
for soul’s acupuncture we use the old fashioned style! |
1.2500 |
0.05764 |
80 |
63 |
14 |
3 |
2599 |
The last patient did very well. |
1.2500 |
0.05322 |
84 |
65 |
17 |
2 |
2600 |
The board wants us to show off our excellent track record. |
1.2478 |
0.04624 |
113 |
88 |
22 |
3 |
2601 |
You might feel a little prick |
1.2476 |
0.05203 |
105 |
84 |
16 |
5 |
2602 |
Great spacing,am I right? |
1.2476 |
0.05024 |
105 |
83 |
18 |
4 |
2603 |
Remember, medicine is a practice. |
1.2476 |
0.04838 |
105 |
82 |
20 |
3 |
2604 |
Just stay within the lines and you will be okay. |
1.2475 |
0.04956 |
101 |
79 |
19 |
3 |
2605 |
The way we are dressed is not indicative of my success rate of the 13th throw. |
1.2475 |
0.04956 |
101 |
79 |
19 |
3 |
2606 |
It's what we call psychic surgery. |
1.2475 |
0.05152 |
101 |
80 |
17 |
4 |
2607 |
No, I never feel a need to ask about your insurance status. |
1.2475 |
0.05152 |
101 |
80 |
17 |
4 |
2608 |
Seems like the anti-tremor medication is working. |
1.2475 |
0.04752 |
101 |
78 |
21 |
2 |
2609 |
Who says laparoscopic surgery can't be fun? |
1.2474 |
0.05290 |
97 |
77 |
16 |
4 |
2610 |
It's tried and true therapy. Never fails to focus the mind. |
1.2474 |
0.05290 |
97 |
77 |
16 |
4 |
2611 |
Of course, you’ll be asleep whilst all this happens. |
1.2474 |
0.05490 |
97 |
78 |
14 |
5 |
2612 |
We’ll, that takes care of the pre-op |
1.2474 |
0.05682 |
97 |
79 |
12 |
6 |
2613 |
I’m not much of a surgeon, but I’m a hell of a knife thrower. |
1.2474 |
0.05490 |
97 |
78 |
14 |
5 |
2614 |
Now, regarding your surgery, I'll get right to the point. |
1.2473 |
0.05220 |
93 |
73 |
17 |
3 |
2615 |
Graduated a D+, why? |
1.2473 |
0.05439 |
93 |
74 |
15 |
4 |
2616 |
Your co-pay is $10. |
1.2473 |
0.04991 |
93 |
72 |
19 |
2 |
2617 |
Think about it this way... There's no co-pay. |
1.2473 |
0.05220 |
93 |
73 |
17 |
3 |
2618 |
OK, we've eliminated some hypotheses. Now we zero in. |
1.2473 |
0.04751 |
93 |
71 |
21 |
1 |
2619 |
The Speaker of the House is yours |
1.2473 |
0.05220 |
93 |
73 |
17 |
3 |
2620 |
This should cure your fear of needles. |
1.2472 |
0.05124 |
89 |
69 |
18 |
2 |
2621 |
Now the next one's a bit tricky. |
1.2472 |
0.05367 |
89 |
70 |
16 |
3 |
2622 |
I learned what NOT to do from watching a Johnny Carson rerun. |
1.2472 |
0.05367 |
89 |
70 |
16 |
3 |
2623 |
It's how I confirm I'm sober enough to do the tricky stuff. |
1.2472 |
0.05124 |
89 |
69 |
18 |
2 |
2624 |
But remember, the average incision is only skin deep |
1.2472 |
0.05124 |
89 |
69 |
18 |
2 |
2625 |
First, the good news: We've hit on no major problems. The bad news is we intend to keep trying |
1.2472 |
0.05367 |
89 |
70 |
16 |
3 |
2626 |
Yes, all of my clinical rotations in med school were via Zoom due to Covid, but not to worry…I aced my exams! |
1.2472 |
0.05600 |
89 |
71 |
14 |
4 |
2627 |
I believe it's important to establish trust with my patients before I operate. |
1.2471 |
0.06013 |
85 |
69 |
11 |
5 |
2628 |
Now we test your ability to stand PERFECTLY STILL.... |
1.2471 |
0.05527 |
85 |
67 |
15 |
3 |
2629 |
The easy part is done. |
1.2471 |
0.05527 |
85 |
67 |
15 |
3 |
2630 |
But there's a first time for everything. |
1.2471 |
0.04995 |
85 |
65 |
19 |
1 |
2631 |
Please put your pants on. |
1.2471 |
0.05268 |
85 |
66 |
17 |
2 |
2632 |
Looking at your chart, I would say surgery is not an option. |
1.2471 |
0.05527 |
85 |
67 |
15 |
3 |
2633 |
Well, I preferred archery, but my mother wanted me to be a surgeon... |
1.2471 |
0.05268 |
85 |
66 |
17 |
2 |
2634 |
Wait… then what did I just sign?” |
1.2471 |
0.06013 |
85 |
69 |
11 |
5 |
2635 |
Gimme one more shot at that pesky appendix! |
1.2471 |
0.05527 |
85 |
67 |
15 |
3 |
2636 |
I completed my residency at the Magic Castle. |
1.2471 |
0.05527 |
85 |
67 |
15 |
3 |
2637 |
You want to repeat that about wanting a second opinion? |
1.2471 |
0.05527 |
85 |
67 |
15 |
3 |
2638 |
Rotating tables are not covered by the bronze medical plan. |
1.2471 |
0.04706 |
85 |
64 |
21 |
0 |
2639 |
Or would you prefer Watchful Waiting? |
1.2471 |
0.05268 |
85 |
66 |
17 |
2 |
2640 |
It looks like your therapy sessions have been a success. |
1.2471 |
0.05268 |
85 |
66 |
17 |
2 |
2641 |
So I said: accreditation, ashmedidation. Ringling Bros. is a fine medical school! |
1.2471 |
0.05268 |
85 |
66 |
17 |
2 |
2642 |
So that's what I intend to do, more or less. |
1.2469 |
0.05701 |
81 |
64 |
14 |
3 |
2643 |
It's our new cortisol stress test. |
1.2469 |
0.05424 |
81 |
63 |
16 |
2 |
2644 |
Good news, this procedure is covered by your insurance plan. |
1.2469 |
0.05701 |
81 |
64 |
14 |
3 |
2645 |
And I got my M.D. from Trump University. |
1.2469 |
0.05424 |
81 |
63 |
16 |
2 |
2646 |
Yes! And that is exactly how I got started! |
1.2469 |
0.05131 |
81 |
62 |
18 |
1 |
2647 |
I think you can guess where this last one is gonna go. |
1.2469 |
0.05131 |
81 |
62 |
18 |
1 |
2648 |
Think of it as a stress test on steroids. |
1.2469 |
0.05424 |
81 |
63 |
16 |
2 |
2649 |
It the very latest technique for losing that last ten pounds… |
1.2469 |
0.05424 |
81 |
63 |
16 |
2 |
2650 |
Any more questions about my accuracy? |
1.2468 |
0.06175 |
77 |
62 |
11 |
4 |
2651 |
you chose the budget appendectomy--results are not guaranteed |
1.2468 |
0.05594 |
77 |
60 |
15 |
2 |
2652 |
Medical school wasn’t really my thing. |
1.2468 |
0.05594 |
77 |
60 |
15 |
2 |
2653 |
We repeat this every week and you're guaranteed to slim down. |
1.2468 |
0.05594 |
77 |
60 |
15 |
2 |
2654 |
I just need one more to warm up... |
1.2468 |
0.05594 |
77 |
60 |
15 |
2 |
2655 |
Not many patients know the huge impact "I Love Lucy" had on me becoming a surgeon. |
1.2468 |
0.05891 |
77 |
61 |
13 |
3 |
2656 |
Survives this, and you'll probably be cured. |
1.2468 |
0.05594 |
77 |
60 |
15 |
2 |
2657 |
You see, if the procedure is successful the surgery will be non-invasive. |
1.2468 |
0.05891 |
77 |
61 |
13 |
3 |
2658 |
I don't know if your insurance covers this procedure. |
1.2466 |
0.05780 |
73 |
57 |
14 |
2 |
2659 |
Don't worry, we've got plenty of space available! |
1.2466 |
0.06695 |
73 |
60 |
8 |
5 |
2660 |
See, my last patient survived |
1.2466 |
0.05441 |
73 |
56 |
16 |
1 |
2661 |
Your chances of survival are one in thirteen. |
1.2466 |
0.06101 |
73 |
58 |
12 |
3 |
2662 |
I'm a heart surgeon, not an optometrist |
1.2466 |
0.05780 |
73 |
57 |
14 |
2 |
2663 |
Actually why don’t we throw medicine at the problem |
1.2466 |
0.05441 |
73 |
56 |
16 |
1 |
2664 |
Spot the differences. |
1.2466 |
0.06695 |
73 |
60 |
8 |
5 |
2665 |
You don’t seem convinced. |
1.2464 |
0.06332 |
69 |
55 |
11 |
3 |
2666 |
what's to worry? You don't see any puncture marks inside the lines, do you? And it will really help you in keeping still... |
1.2464 |
0.05986 |
69 |
54 |
13 |
2 |
2667 |
As you can see, the procedure is as painless as it is pointless. |
1.2458 |
0.05238 |
118 |
97 |
13 |
8 |
2668 |
The last knife goes between the legs |
1.2456 |
0.05071 |
114 |
92 |
16 |
6 |
2669 |
and as a bonus you get to keep the steak knives |
1.2455 |
0.04690 |
110 |
86 |
21 |
3 |
2670 |
The surgery is quick and clean. |
1.2455 |
0.04690 |
110 |
86 |
21 |
3 |
2671 |
As you can see, you're in good hands. I don't have to be board certified. |
1.2455 |
0.04690 |
110 |
86 |
21 |
3 |
2672 |
Great. Can you actually make the incision this time though? |
1.2455 |
0.04865 |
110 |
87 |
19 |
4 |
2673 |
Step right up to our patent pending cure for the hiccups! |
1.2455 |
0.04509 |
110 |
85 |
23 |
2 |
2674 |
This is part of our pre-op before surgery. |
1.2453 |
0.05159 |
106 |
85 |
16 |
5 |
2675 |
This next procedure may involve a little discomfort and/or the risk of disfigurement. |
1.2453 |
0.04982 |
106 |
84 |
18 |
4 |
2676 |
Sure an MRI would be better, but it’s not covered by your insurance. |
1.2453 |
0.04798 |
106 |
83 |
20 |
3 |
2677 |
Like I mentioned, it's practically an outpatient procedure. |
1.2451 |
0.05107 |
102 |
81 |
17 |
4 |
2678 |
This is how I warm up for surgery. |
1.2451 |
0.04712 |
102 |
79 |
21 |
2 |
2679 |
If you do everything I tell you, you won't be here long. |
1.2451 |
0.04712 |
102 |
79 |
21 |
2 |
2680 |
See, I always get clear margins |
1.2451 |
0.04914 |
102 |
80 |
19 |
3 |
2681 |
Does insurance cover this kind of anxiety treatment? |
1.2451 |
0.04712 |
102 |
79 |
21 |
2 |
2682 |
As you can tell I’ve performed hundreds of these procedures without incident |
1.2451 |
0.04712 |
102 |
79 |
21 |
2 |
2683 |
It’s frowned upon to operate on family members. |
1.2451 |
0.04280 |
102 |
77 |
25 |
0 |
2684 |
Now, that wasn't so bad, was it? |
1.2449 |
0.04601 |
98 |
75 |
22 |
1 |
2685 |
Your anxiety level has definitely decreased. |
1.2449 |
0.05242 |
98 |
78 |
16 |
4 |
2686 |
My wife insisted I take up a hobby. |
1.2449 |
0.04366 |
98 |
74 |
24 |
0 |
2687 |
Your BMI looks healthy." |
1.2449 |
0.05439 |
98 |
79 |
14 |
5 |
2688 |
And you’re sure about the vasectomy? |
1.2449 |
0.05242 |
98 |
78 |
16 |
4 |
2689 |
Shall we give the hypochondria test a whirl? |
1.2449 |
0.05037 |
98 |
77 |
18 |
3 |
2690 |
in your case, I'd say the odds are about the same |
1.2449 |
0.04824 |
98 |
76 |
20 |
2 |
2691 |
In the good news... we cured the 'existential' part, you now have simple anxiety. |
1.2449 |
0.05037 |
98 |
77 |
18 |
3 |
2692 |
Circumcision is not an exact science. |
1.2447 |
0.05387 |
94 |
75 |
15 |
4 |
2693 |
Rest assured your treatment will be highly targeted." |
1.2447 |
0.04707 |
94 |
72 |
21 |
1 |
2694 |
I’ve found that patient survival rate increases dramatically when I hit the area surrounding the body, so that’s where I’ll aim. |
1.2447 |
0.05171 |
94 |
74 |
17 |
3 |
2695 |
This always cures severe cases of hiccups. |
1.2447 |
0.05596 |
94 |
76 |
13 |
5 |
2696 |
Just a little game my father taught me, before he passed away. |
1.2447 |
0.05171 |
94 |
74 |
17 |
3 |
2697 |
So I missed your appendix … let’s try plan B. |
1.2447 |
0.04944 |
94 |
73 |
19 |
2 |
2698 |
Now! Drop your pants and bend over! |
1.2447 |
0.05171 |
94 |
74 |
17 |
3 |
2699 |
Don't worry! For your appendectomy, I'll try from closer range. |
1.2447 |
0.05387 |
94 |
75 |
15 |
4 |
2700 |
You should see what I can do with a laser scalpel! |
1.2447 |
0.05387 |
94 |
75 |
15 |
4 |
2701 |
our newest diagnostic technique, we call it "missing the point" |
1.2447 |
0.05596 |
94 |
76 |
13 |
5 |
2702 |
13 is my lucky number. |
1.2447 |
0.05171 |
94 |
74 |
17 |
3 |
2703 |
It,s good you weren’t on the Tonite Show |
1.2447 |
0.05171 |
94 |
74 |
17 |
3 |
2704 |
Nice throws, but allow me to show you the difference between a layman and a surgeon. |
1.2447 |
0.05171 |
94 |
74 |
17 |
3 |
2705 |
I hope you're not thinking it makes you look fat. |
1.2447 |
0.04707 |
94 |
72 |
21 |
1 |
2706 |
You're half right! It IS called "A Knives Out Mystery", but that's Not Daniel Craig. |
1.2447 |
0.05171 |
94 |
74 |
17 |
3 |
2707 |
Your force field was working today... I see!! |
1.2447 |
0.05596 |
94 |
76 |
13 |
5 |
2708 |
It's the latest cutting-edge medicine. |
1.2447 |
0.04944 |
94 |
73 |
19 |
2 |
2709 |
Of course it’s effective; patients almost never request a second session |
1.2447 |
0.05387 |
94 |
75 |
15 |
4 |
2710 |
Let’s hope this distracts you from the fact that we look exactly alike |
1.2447 |
0.05387 |
94 |
75 |
15 |
4 |
2711 |
So the tightrope walker says, 'Say, you know what you would be good at?' |
1.2444 |
0.05314 |
90 |
71 |
16 |
3 |
2712 |
That's just a warmup, but we're taking acupuncture to a whole new level. |
1.2444 |
0.05314 |
90 |
71 |
16 |
3 |
2713 |
So tell me, were you feeling tired and low energy during your treatment? |
1.2444 |
0.05765 |
90 |
73 |
12 |
5 |
2714 |
Medicine has become a real circus |
1.2444 |
0.05074 |
90 |
70 |
18 |
2 |
2715 |
No? Then it must have been an aura. That leaves a demon, which your insurance doesn’t cover. |
1.2444 |
0.05978 |
90 |
74 |
10 |
6 |
2716 |
It's not just the decor I hate. |
1.2444 |
0.05074 |
90 |
70 |
18 |
2 |
2717 |
Don't worry - your insurance will cover it. |
1.2444 |
0.05074 |
90 |
70 |
18 |
2 |
2718 |
My residency did involve a rainbow wig,yes. |
1.2444 |
0.05314 |
90 |
71 |
16 |
3 |
2719 |
It's my warm up for the surgery. |
1.2444 |
0.05074 |
90 |
70 |
18 |
2 |
2720 |
Good news Carl. The insurance company agrees that we should actually cut you open. |
1.2444 |
0.05544 |
90 |
72 |
14 |
4 |
2721 |
Funny how our folks, always praised you as the talented twin. Now, let's get to your vasectomy. |
1.2444 |
0.05314 |
90 |
71 |
16 |
3 |
2722 |
You're scheduled for Monday, so we'll be good by then. |
1.2444 |
0.04822 |
90 |
69 |
20 |
1 |
2723 |
Practice makes perfect."
Judith Rosbe, Marion, M |
1.2444 |
0.05765 |
90 |
73 |
12 |
5 |
2724 |
Relax. It's only a matter of life or death. |
1.2444 |
0.05765 |
90 |
73 |
12 |
5 |
2725 |
All of your problems will soon vanish. |
1.2444 |
0.04822 |
90 |
69 |
20 |
1 |
2726 |
It could have been worse. |
1.2444 |
0.05314 |
90 |
71 |
16 |
3 |
2727 |
So the way this wormhole works . . . |
1.2444 |
0.05314 |
90 |
71 |
16 |
3 |
2728 |
My oath says: "Do no harm." |
1.2444 |
0.05544 |
90 |
72 |
14 |
4 |
2729 |
Yelp reviews? Vastly improved since my Lasik! |
1.2442 |
0.05214 |
86 |
67 |
17 |
2 |
2730 |
Survivor bias? Never heard of it |
1.2442 |
0.06393 |
86 |
72 |
7 |
7 |
2731 |
It's my update of the old Operation game. |
1.2442 |
0.05470 |
86 |
68 |
15 |
3 |
2732 |
HE DIDN'T BUDGE |
1.2442 |
0.05214 |
86 |
67 |
17 |
2 |
2733 |
What luck! I only need a vasectomy to win the free cruise. |
1.2442 |
0.05470 |
86 |
68 |
15 |
3 |
2734 |
So how do you feel now that we're no longer Siamese twins? |
1.2442 |
0.05715 |
86 |
69 |
13 |
4 |
2735 |
It's a real diagnostic time saver. |
1.2442 |
0.05470 |
86 |
68 |
15 |
3 |
2736 |
The circumcision is scheduled for this Friday. |
1.2442 |
0.04945 |
86 |
66 |
19 |
1 |
2737 |
It won't fix what ails you, but it's completely non-invasive |
1.2442 |
0.05214 |
86 |
67 |
17 |
2 |
2738 |
Your insurance will only pay for surgery from a distance of five feet. |
1.2442 |
0.04660 |
86 |
65 |
21 |
0 |
2739 |
Only 1 in 13 patients experience side effects. |
1.2442 |
0.05715 |
86 |
69 |
13 |
4 |
2740 |
Looks good! You are in remission! |
1.2442 |
0.05470 |
86 |
68 |
15 |
3 |
2741 |
Now, open wide and say "AAAAH!!!" |
1.2442 |
0.04945 |
86 |
66 |
19 |
1 |
2742 |
Don't worry, it's just another form of acupuncture. |
1.2442 |
0.05470 |
86 |
68 |
15 |
3 |
2743 |
The only question you need to ask yourself is 'Do I feel lucky?''' |
1.2442 |
0.05715 |
86 |
69 |
13 |
4 |
2744 |
The operation was a success, but your aura died. |
1.2442 |
0.04945 |
86 |
66 |
19 |
1 |
2745 |
In my off hours I work at carnivals to help pay off my medical school loans. |
1.2439 |
0.05366 |
82 |
64 |
16 |
2 |
2746 |
We've had good results without an MRI. |
1.2439 |
0.05366 |
82 |
64 |
16 |
2 |
2747 |
It makes your vasectomy seem less scary. |
1.2439 |
0.05639 |
82 |
65 |
14 |
3 |
2748 |
You don’t trust your twin? |
1.2439 |
0.05639 |
82 |
65 |
14 |
3 |
2749 |
It will hurt only if you move. |
1.2439 |
0.05366 |
82 |
64 |
16 |
2 |
2750 |
Lucky for you it was a squid game |
1.2439 |
0.05366 |
82 |
64 |
16 |
2 |
2751 |
My last acupuncturist
was a Storm Trooper. |
1.2439 |
0.05366 |
82 |
64 |
16 |
2 |
2752 |
As you can see, my knife skills are superb. |
1.2439 |
0.05900 |
82 |
66 |
12 |
4 |
2753 |
This is essentially a noninvasive procedure. |
1.2439 |
0.05366 |
82 |