Contest #833 Summary

Name	Value
Submission deadline	-
Voting started	-
Voting ended	-
Finalists announced	-
Magazine(s) announcing finalists issued	-
Number of captions	6945
Number of responses	809874
Number of participants	-

Rank	Caption	Mean	Precision	Total votes	"Unfunny" votes	"Somewhat funny" votes	"Funny" votes
0	This is the option covered by your insurance	1.8429	0.01659	2393	1005	759	629
1	It’s going to work a lot faster than the prune juice.	1.8251	0.01595	2670	1181	775	714
2	We find it works quicker than the laxative	1.8237	0.02219	1310	558	425	327
3	Or we could go with diet and exercise...	1.8189	0.02008	1513	623	541	349
4	So if I do this right you shouldn’t feel a thing.	1.8103	0.02440	991	404	371	216
5	There was a little mix-up here. Dr. Mason is an osteopath. I’m Dr. Manson, a psychopath.	1.8032	0.01372	3700	1723	982	995
6	As you can see, I am board certified.	1.7865	0.03061	665	293	221	151
7	You may feel a little prick.	1.7850	0.01861	1679	707	626	346
8	Of course if you’d like to give the blood, urine and stool samples the usual way, that’s totally up to you.	1.7737	0.01600	2497	1144	774	579
9	It’s usually non-invasive.	1.7706	0.01292	3439	1472	1284	683
10	It's only surgery if I miss.	1.7694	0.01467	2736	1194	981	562
11	Okay, now let’s recheck that blood pressure.	1.7688	0.01650	2111	907	785	419
12	It cures all kinds of ailments. The last patient had constipation. No longer a problem.	1.7658	0.01626	2387	1098	750	539
13	Okay, the hiccups are gone. Now let's talk about your anxiety.	1.7644	0.01554	2402	1046	876	480
14	Your HMO said this is the only procedure covered under your plan.	1.7593	0.01603	2410	1106	778	526
15	This should get those bowels moving.	1.7552	0.02573	960	451	293	216
16	We've found it's a much more effective stress test than a treadmill.	1.7536	0.01665	2143	965	741	437
17	Of course, with insurance you’d get a surgeon”.	1.7426	0.02177	1255	576	426	253
18	If they land inside the outline, it's called acupuncture.	1.7415	0.01845	1745	802	592	351
19	Statistically you should be fine.	1.7408	0.01451	2670	1186	990	494
20	Your results may vary.	1.7398	0.01477	2636	1188	945	503
21	Relax, I've done dozens of vasectomies.	1.7381	0.02764	756	343	268	145
22	Perfect. Now let's get you anesthetized while I get my blindfold.	1.7358	0.03236	583	275	187	121
23	As you can see, the chances for your survival are very, very good.	1.7357	0.01473	2471	1075	974	422
24	First we outline the problem, now we pinpoint exactly where it is.	1.7335	0.02440	953	431	345	177
25	Trust me. One way or another, this will stop your hiccups.	1.7314	0.01641	2137	979	753	405
26	Just let me know if you feel a sharp pain.	1.7262	0.01440	2736	1253	979	504
27	It says we should do no harm, but it doesn’t say we have to be boring about it.	1.7248	0.01767	1915	908	626	381
28	Your hiccups are gone.	1.7243	0.01507	2619	1239	863	517
29	Are we ready for your stress test, Mr. Henderson?	1.7236	0.01742	1907	888	658	361
30	It's more "hit or miss" than other diagnostic tools.	1.7233	0.01527	2436	1122	866	448
31	It could be inpatient, it could be outpatient.	1.7233	0.01486	2750	1321	869	560
32	I can do your vasectomy between shows this afternoon.	1.7213	0.01611	2361	1144	731	486
33	Most patients seem to prefer facing the wall	1.7178	0.01470	2587	1191	935	461
34	I’m just going to do a quick check of your reflexes.	1.7114	0.01531	2353	1086	860	407
35	There's nothing to worry about if you fasted as we asked.	1.7070	0.03016	628	298	216	114
36	It's called a cardiac stress test.	1.7059	0.01756	1826	861	641	324
37	Looks like you passed your stress test.	1.7004	0.01900	1562	744	542	276
38	So far, I's say it's a minimally invasive procedure.	1.6964	0.01811	1637	763	608	266
39	It's our latest cardiac stress test.	1.6963	0.01490	2506	1193	881	432
40	Still have the hiccups?	1.6958	0.01646	2045	972	723	350
41	You should buy a lottery ticket on your way home.	1.6914	0.01651	2145	1060	687	398
42	In our double blind study we both close our eyes and hope for the best.	1.6867	0.01623	2234	1117	700	417
43	Or we could do the treadmill test.	1.6840	0.02745	674	311	265	98
44	Relax, Mr. Cunningham. What's the worst that can happen?	1.6781	0.02916	640	310	226	104
45	If I'm paying for malpractice insurance, I'm using it.	1.6766	0.02210	1172	586	379	207
46	Still got those hiccups?	1.6610	0.01722	1891	959	614	318
47	We’ve had trouble finding your vein.	1.6580	0.01775	1956	1051	523	382
48	And you thought the prostate exam was the worst part of this visit.	1.6557	0.01723	1882	961	608	313
49	You shouldn’t feel a thing.	1.6536	0.01831	1957	1098	439	420
50	Or I could refer you to a specialist.	1.6456	0.02127	1236	642	390	204
51	It's noninvasive as long as I don't miss.	1.6415	0.01899	1537	800	488	249
52	Sometimes it's inaccupuncture.	1.6408	0.01954	1481	780	453	248
53	Trust me, you will be missed.	1.6377	0.02047	1405	760	394	251
54	Everyone gets better at this point.	1.6368	0.02006	1382	726	432	224
55	My heart patients asked for a quick stress test without the treadmill.	1.6316	0.02352	923	468	327	128
56	See, you have nothing to worry about.	1.6304	0.03177	533	278	174	81
57	Let’s take a stab at a diagnosis	1.6274	0.02092	1256	666	392	198
58	Now, let's check that blood pressure...	1.6235	0.02201	1150	618	347	185
59	It’s what your insurance paid for.	1.6210	0.02212	1116	596	347	173
60	Don't worry Kevin, this is how all Speakers get elected.	1.6206	0.02316	1115	625	288	202
61	And THAT was with my left hand.	1.6190	0.02255	1042	550	339	153
62	Now let me show you what happens when you go out of network.	1.6158	0.02407	1036	586	262	188
63	It's usually a noninvasive procedure	1.6128	0.02236	1077	579	336	162
64	Your prognosis ... it's hit or miss.	1.6076	0.02440	976	550	259	167
65	I think you'll find that "going under the knife" has a different meaning for my patients.	1.6060	0.02415	906	488	287	131
66	It's a new colonoscopy prep technique where we literally scare the crap out of you.	1.6050	0.02585	919	535	212	172
67	Sure-fire cure for constipation.	1.6046	0.02460	956	540	254	162
68	You won't feel a thing. Probably.	1.6042	0.02378	902	479	301	122
69	Statistically speaking, you'll be fine.	1.5998	0.02539	832	456	253	123
70	Constipated? This always works.	1.5984	0.02618	854	490	217	147
71	As you can see I’m board certified in external medicine.	1.5953	0.02580	855	486	229	140
72	Our treatments are cutting edge.	1.5952	0.02643	798	449	223	126
73	And that is how we cure chronic constipation.	1.5946	0.02623	846	487	215	144
74	This is where we test your nervous system.	1.5922	0.02512	792	425	265	102
75	If all goes well it’s a quick procedure.	1.5916	0.02661	742	408	229	105
76	As with any other sensitive diagnostic test, we are going to ask you to stand very still.	1.5910	0.02617	802	451	228	123
77	Now, we’re just going to give you a simple incontinence test.	1.5878	0.02592	871	508	214	149
78	I guarantee it'll cure your hiccups.	1.5872	0.02598	751	409	243	99
79	We try not to think of it as going "under the knife"...	1.5864	0.02593	810	457	231	122
80	Surgery was a success,we were able to remove the entire aura	1.5864	0.02781	718	409	197	112
81	I think your tremors are more controllable than we thought.	1.5863	0.02750	672	367	216	89
82	Right after this next test, we'll take your blood pressure.	1.5837	0.02825	711	411	185	115
83	Do you have any metal allergies?	1.5826	0.02772	642	348	214	80
84	Don’t know. He left before I finished.	1.5797	0.06240	138	78	40	20
85	We are at the cutting-edge of non-evasive procedures.	1.5793	0.02900	675	393	173	109
86	You'll need to take a wide stance for the vasectomy	1.5788	0.02749	755	441	191	123
87	Trust me: This treatment will cure your constipation.	1.5788	0.02839	698	405	182	111
88	All procedures have risks, but you will get over the hiccups.	1.5787	0.02761	667	369	210	88
89	Now let’s have a look at those reflexes, shall we?	1.5778	0.02794	649	359	205	85
90	This is what your insurance covers.	1.5776	0.02920	651	376	174	101
91	You're right, this shows nothing about how many hit the actual target.	1.5753	0.02844	657	373	190	94
92	Of course you’ll be strapped to a spinning wheel during the actual procedure.	1.5743	0.02957	693	420	148	125
93	So those are the parts your insurance covers…	1.5717	0.03086	614	367	143	104
94	I've never lost a patient.	1.5707	0.02929	580	322	185	73
95	See? Told you I was precise. Now get back up there for the vasectomy.	1.5707	0.05374	191	111	51	29
96	Don't turn your head or cough.	1.5690	0.02765	659	369	205	85
97	As you can see, you have nothing to be worried about.	1.5686	0.02838	605	334	198	73
98	That's enough warm-up. Let'a head on in to the O.R.	1.5670	0.03129	575	340	144	91
99	You passed the anxiety test.	1.5627	0.02944	558	310	182	66
100	So you see, I’ve performed this procedure several times with good result.	1.5618	0.02965	550	306	179	65
101	Your HMO approved this test first.	1.5601	0.03025	541	305	169	67
102	The Phase II trial will be double-blind.	1.5577	0.03145	572	344	137	91
103	This is a test of your emergency response system.”	1.5550	0.03342	582	376	89	117
104	Trust me now?	1.5545	0.03110	514	293	157	64
105	Yes, for this particular procedure I do recommend general anesthesia.	1.5542	0.03092	554	325	151	78
106	There's always a first time, of course."	1.5526	0.02923	523	286	185	52
107	Now lets check your reflexes.	1.5514	0.03035	555	322	160	73
108	You'll find the fear will kill the pain.	1.5512	0.03187	508	296	144	68
109	It tests for obesity.	1.5511	0.03365	499	303	117	79
110	Odds are, you won't feel a thing.	1.5498	0.03204	502	293	142	67
111	Relax, I'm board-certified.	1.5490	0.03107	541	318	149	74
112	Well, we can rule out paranoia.	1.5489	0.03101	532	310	152	70
113	We find that it's the quickest way to get a stool sample.	1.5455	0.03423	506	317	102	87
114	It’s how I build trust with my patients.	1.5424	0.03185	448	251	151	46
115	We’ve found this is an effective way to establish a elevated blood pressure baseline	1.5421	0.03214	463	265	145	53
116	It's the latest in stress tests.	1.5421	0.03217	487	285	140	62
117	Just stand up against the wall and tell me where it hurts.	1.5412	0.03178	473	271	148	54
118	It should take care of your hiccups at the very least.	1.5404	0.03121	507	295	150	62
119	OK,now I've warmed up I think I am ready to go with your surgery.	1.5396	0.03171	480	277	147	56
120	Correct. Within a minute of standing against the wall, this procedure will have both your prostate and bowel working again	1.5393	0.03577	458	288	93	77
121	If all goes well, you'll just notice a few side effects.	1.5391	0.03192	447	252	149	46
122	Odds are, you are going to make it.	1.5383	0.03286	444	256	137	51
123	This is what the high deductible plan covers.”	1.5374	0.03410	441	262	121	58
124	Remember that thing you signed while you were waiting to come in…?	1.5373	0.03255	469	275	136	58
125	The point is to scare the tumor to death.	1.5369	0.03374	434	254	127	53
126	Let's do something about your dangerously low blood pressure.	1.5360	0.03363	472	286	119	67
127	This is what is covered under your HMO.	1.5358	0.03197	517	312	133	72
128	Of course, you'll want to stand very still while I outline your procedure.	1.5353	0.03392	439	260	123	56
129	If I slip up, the procedure is free.	1.5345	0.03254	464	272	136	56
130	By comparison, your upcoming surgery is not nearly as risky.	1.5342	0.03320	438	255	132	51
131	Don't worry, it's just a routine surgery. I've done this a million times with my eyes closed.	1.5333	0.03330	450	266	128	56
132	They call it non-invasive surgery.	1.5322	0.03168	481	281	144	56
133	No, you won't feel any pain, unless you flinch.	1.5312	0.03383	416	242	127	47
134	I can’t promise to cure you, but I’m willing to take a stab at it.	1.5306	0.03301	458	272	129	57
135	Or, we could try medication.	1.5297	0.03486	421	253	113	55
136	I like to warm up a little bit before the operation.	1.5283	0.03390	460	281	115	64
137	Tell me when it hurts.	1.5281	0.03496	409	244	114	51
138	In Canada this is free.	1.5278	0.03564	396	237	109	50
139	There is a reason why we call it a "practice."	1.5277	0.03238	470	279	134	57
140	And after, the surgery itself won't feel as scary.	1.5272	0.03294	404	229	137	38
141	Relax, I've done thousands of circumcisions.	1.5271	0.03525	442	275	101	66
142	You'll be my first vasectomy.	1.5269	0.03575	427	265	99	63
143	Our colon cleanse method is 100% guaranteed effective.	1.5269	0.03776	391	245	86	60
144	Face forward, or not? Your choice.	1.5263	0.03254	456	269	134	53
145	Hey, I’m a Doctor not a magician. Well, not any more.	1.5257	0.03392	409	239	125	45
146	I can see why you’re getting a second opinion	1.5245	0.03242	429	247	139	43
147	You seem nervous, but no need to worry. You can keep your gown on.	1.5244	0.03405	389	224	126	39
148	That's all your HMO would cover.	1.5243	0.03320	452	271	125	56
149	Not bad for an honorary doctorate, eh?	1.5221	0.03586	385	231	107	47
150	You’ll be my first circumcision!	1.5216	0.03477	464	294	98	72
151	You might feel a wee tinkle.”	1.5188	0.03821	426	284	63	79
152	This should take care of your constipation.	1.5160	0.03818	374	236	83	55
153	Your incision will be approximately four inches in from where I throw my knife. It's called exploratory surgery.	1.5157	0.03683	382	236	95	51
154	Like I said - it's a tricky procedure.	1.5157	0.03392	415	248	120	47
155	Your insurance doesn't cover this. Neither does mine.	1.5156	0.03514	417	257	105	55
156	It was tricky, but we managed to completely remove your toxic aura	1.5137	0.03671	401	253	90	58
157	It should be a minimally invasive procedure.	1.5130	0.03594	384	234	103	47
158	Now for a little bloodwork.	1.5129	0.03509	388	233	111	44
159	I know you're in a hospital gown, but I suggest facing in.	1.5127	0.03834	355	221	86	48
160	Are you an organ donor?	1.5121	0.03594	373	225	105	43
161	Tell you what - if I miss, I'll do the surgery for free	1.5121	0.03731	373	232	91	50
162	We’re going to try something new.	1.5115	0.03785	348	213	92	43
163	As you can see, Dr. Nigel is a pro. Unfortunately he's out toady.	1.5114	0.03555	395	242	104	49
164	Believe me, this produces better results than any enema can give.	1.5106	0.03651	376	231	98	47
165	Now that you have passed the pre-op stress test, we can proceed.	1.5105	0.03505	380	227	112	41
166	Don't worry, it's minimally invasive.	1.5098	0.03797	357	222	88	47
167	Actually, don’t cough.	1.5096	0.03403	416	252	116	48
168	I'm still not sure what's causing your anxiety, but I'm happy to take another stab at it.	1.5088	0.03546	399	246	103	50
169	Previous trials show it’s perfectly safe.	1.5087	0.03667	346	207	102	37
170	And if I miss, we're already at the hospital.	1.5084	0.03809	358	224	86	48
171	Next we will be testing your reflex control.	1.5076	0.03829	329	200	91	38
172	Suddenly, that old prostate exam doesn’t seem so bad after all, eh?	1.5073	0.03543	410	256	100	54
173	It’s our quickest colonoscopy prep yet.	1.5072	0.04027	347	225	68	54
174	Relax, this is a noninvasive procedure.	1.5064	0.03601	391	243	98	50
175	I've done this so many times I'm now doing it blindfolded.	1.5043	0.03810	345	214	88	43
176	We'll take your blood pressure readings before and after this.	1.5042	0.03813	355	223	85	47
177	It’s non-invasive. If we do it right.	1.5031	0.03671	324	191	103	30
178	Just one left. Where do you want it?	1.5030	0.03770	336	205	93	38
179	Shall we proceed with the vasectomy?	1.5029	0.03867	346	218	82	46
180	It's the quickest way to obtain a urine sample	1.5028	0.03778	362	228	86	48
181	I guarantee this will cure your constipation.	1.5015	0.04152	327	214	62	51
182	We wouldn't have to do it this way if you had better insurance.	1.5000	0.03828	332	205	88	39
183	It'll still be less painful for you than dealing with your insurance.	1.5000	0.03647	374	233	95	46
184	See? Absolutely nothing to worry about.	1.5000	0.03851	318	194	89	35
185	Now, you may feel a slight prick.	1.4986	0.03686	355	219	95	41
186	This ensures that you hold still.	1.4986	0.03651	351	214	99	38
187	Stand over there again - I have one more test to run	1.4971	0.03889	346	221	78	47
188	It's really hit or miss.	1.4969	0.03953	318	199	80	39
189	That's for mole removal. The vasectomy wall is one room down.	1.4957	0.03842	349	222	81	46
190	The procedure has a high rate of success for those suffering from constipation	1.4955	0.03941	335	214	76	45
191	You may feel a slight sting.	1.4955	0.03559	335	198	108	29
192	Well, we've ruled out fear of knives.	1.4951	0.03843	307	186	90	31
193	Tesla would kill for this kind of success rate	1.4951	0.03833	305	184	91	30
194	We’ll properly dispose of any contaminated sharps.	1.4935	0.03834	308	187	90	31
195	...well, I put myself through medical school by working in the circus.	1.4931	0.03667	363	227	93	43
196	Are your hiccups gone now?	1.4916	0.03747	358	227	86	45
197	. . . and now we'll try it left-handed.	1.4914	0.04055	291	181	77	33
198	Your actual procedure will be a little bit different. This is just an outline of my method.	1.4911	0.03869	338	215	80	43
199	I'm trying a new approach to treating urinary retention!	1.4911	0.03863	336	213	81	42
200	It’s a matter of knife or death.	1.4907	0.03873	324	203	83	38
201	Let me explain approximately where the incision will be...	1.4899	0.03651	345	212	97	36
202	Do you want to face forward or backward?	1.4885	0.03889	305	188	85	32
203	The insurance companies make us do this.	1.4870	0.03969	308	194	78	36
204	One more test, to find how much sedation you'll need.	1.4858	0.04088	282	176	75	31
205	Of course, past results do not guarantee future performance.	1.4855	0.03914	311	195	81	35
206	This is the only form of acupuncture covered by your insurance.	1.4830	0.03930	323	207	76	40
207	...or you can get the vaccine.	1.4824	0.04075	313	204	67	42
208	This probably won't hurt a bit.	1.4823	0.03994	282	174	80	28
209	Of course, if you have insurance it's a different game entirely.	1.4821	0.04084	307	199	68	40
210	It's better than acupuncture and more fun, at least for me.	1.4815	0.04122	270	168	74	28
211	I could do this blindfolded.	1.4810	0.03815	316	197	86	33
212	Who said surgery can't contain an element of fun?	1.4791	0.03989	263	159	82	22
213	See? I told you it wouldn't hurt a bit.	1.4789	0.04119	261	161	75	25
214	It's the most effective treatment for constipation.	1.4784	0.04040	324	214	65	45
215	Now that's what I call cutting edge medical care.	1.4778	0.03970	316	204	73	39
216	We had some fun when you were under anesthesia.	1.4772	0.04086	285	181	72	32
217	That’s why they call it a medical “practice”.	1.4767	0.04018	300	192	73	35
218	I suggest you lose weight. My aim isn't what it used to be.	1.4764	0.04087	254	155	77	22
219	If we call it a stress test it's covered by insurance.	1.4762	0.04224	252	157	70	25
220	See my aim is pretty good. Now let’s just finish this one last throw between the legs.	1.4749	0.04000	299	191	74	34
221	Don't turn your head left to cough	1.4737	0.03783	304	188	88	28
222	Anyone you’d like to call before we start?	1.4729	0.04140	277	177	69	31
223	The anesthesiologist should be here shortly	1.4729	0.04044	277	174	75	28
224	So tell me why you’d prefer laser surgery.	1.4724	0.04162	254	158	72	24
225	Your aura is dead	1.4717	0.04377	265	174	57	34
226	You're actually my first live patient.	1.4713	0.03910	314	202	76	36
227	Treadmill’s down. Three throws should get you to 160.	1.4710	0.04151	276	177	68	31
228	I enjoy this more when I dress up as a doctor.	1.4708	0.04268	274	179	61	34
229	It's standing operating procedure.	1.4695	0.04070	262	163	75	24
230	Of course, you’ll be wearing sequins during the actual procedure.	1.4694	0.03962	294	187	76	31
231	During Covid we developed socially distanced surgery.	1.4692	0.04070	292	189	69	34
232	Odd, that almost always solves constipation. Not to worry, I have one last procedure."	1.4669	0.04162	272	175	67	30
233	One moment while the anesthesiologist loads his quiver.	1.4664	0.04371	268	178	55	35
234	It’s the latest therapy for facing and overcoming anxieties, and it’s noninvasive…in most cases.	1.4662	0.04197	266	171	66	29
235	As you can see, we're getting closer to a diagnosis.	1.4659	0.04011	264	164	77	23
236	But my true passion is urology.	1.4644	0.04265	239	150	67	22
237	I like to work my way in.	1.4641	0.03988	237	142	80	15
238	It helps if you face the wall.	1.4640	0.04012	250	153	78	19
239	It's OK, my practice insurance covers this procedure.	1.4631	0.04281	244	155	65	24
240	Let's take another stab at it.	1.4625	0.04095	253	158	73	22
241	Most patients don’t feel a thing.	1.4621	0.04045	264	166	74	24
242	As you can see, the procedure is noninvasive.	1.4609	0.04172	256	163	68	25
243	You won't see a thing. I turn out the lights first.	1.4607	0.04317	267	177	57	33
244	Looks good. Now let's do some internal medicine.	1.4604	0.04069	265	168	72	25
245	I could do this procedure blindfolded.	1.4600	0.04128	250	157	71	22
246	Your posture is important.	1.4597	0.04191	248	157	68	23
247	Show me where you’d like it to hurt.	1.4596	0.04143	235	145	72	18
248	Since I've been using this new technique, my patients have a 98% recovery rate.	1.4593	0.03910	270	168	80	22
249	Well, at least I'm certified on this Board.	1.4587	0.03873	303	195	77	31
250	Nothing wrong with your nervous system.	1.4583	0.04008	264	166	75	23
251	I know it’s not perfect, but the British have to wait in longer lines.	1.4581	0.04553	227	148	54	25
252	'I probably shouldn't be telling you this, but during the experiment you got the placebo knives.'	1.4575	0.04123	247	155	71	21
253	This procedure tends to cure constipation.	1.4574	0.04233	282	189	57	36
254	It's how I limber up before the actual surgery!	1.4568	0.04370	243	158	59	26
255	Or we can try the enema again.	1.4563	0.04472	252	169	51	32
256	One more should do it.	1.4562	0.04104	274	178	67	29
257	I worked my way through med school in a circus.	1.4553	0.04313	235	150	63	22
258	We’re narrowing it down.	1.4552	0.03964	268	169	76	23
259	Honestly...surgery like this is hit or miss	1.4550	0.04493	222	143	57	22
260	This should get rid of your hiccups.	1.4549	0.04181	255	164	66	25
261	Let’s try my Western-medicine adaptation of traditional Eastern Acupuncture!	1.4545	0.04476	220	141	58	21
262	Not that it matters, but my church choir needs a soprano.	1.4545	0.04384	264	178	52	34
263	Do you still want a second opinion?	1.4542	0.04171	262	170	65	27
264	Well, enough practice	1.4541	0.04552	218	141	55	22
265	I’ve never lost a patient. Just one nurse.	1.4533	0.04420	214	135	61	18
266	This is the stress test covered by your insurance	1.4525	0.04262	263	174	59	30
267	Guess where this one goes	1.4524	0.04400	252	168	54	30
268	I can throw in circumcision at no charge.	1.4523	0.04549	241	162	49	30
269	Thankfully you're well within the normal range	1.4523	0.04315	241	156	61	24
270	It doesn't cure the cancer but it takes your mind off it. We also validate parking.	1.4518	0.04578	228	151	51	26
271	This is going to take care of that constipation.	1.4518	0.04493	228	149	55	24
272	All surgery is hit and miss. I’m just more honest about it.	1.4513	0.04734	226	153	44	29
273	Think of it as acupuncture on steroids.	1.4513	0.04522	226	148	54	24
274	I like to think of myself as an out of the box surgeon.	1.4511	0.04436	235	154	56	25
275	Don't worry. It's done with surgical precision.	1.4509	0.04058	275	179	68	28
276	Trust me,your hiccups will be gone	1.4504	0.03916	262	164	78	20
277	Now will you trust me to perform the surgery?	1.4502	0.04302	251	165	59	27
278	This makes it fun for everyone.	1.4500	0.04566	220	144	53	23
279	I can do this procedure with my eyes closed.	1.4494	0.04180	267	176	62	29
280	Unconventional, sure. But I guarantee it will relieve your constipation.	1.4481	0.04585	241	164	46	31
281	yes, it's a little like acupuncture.	1.4477	0.04257	239	154	63	22
282	This is the only test covered by your insurance.	1.4472	0.04477	246	166	50	30
283	…, and there’s no co-pay with this type of imaging.	1.4469	0.04387	226	146	59	21
284	Spread your legs a little.	1.4449	0.04327	227	146	61	20
285	Sure we can do the surgery with a laser, but it's more expensive.	1.4449	0.04210	236	151	65	20
286	We seem to have cured that nervous tic.	1.4444	0.04673	207	136	50	21
287	You might feel a sharp pain."	1.4439	0.04551	205	132	55	18
288	For this one, I’ll need you to lift your gown.	1.4435	0.04377	239	158	56	25
289	Well, that’s one way to get a urine sample.	1.4435	0.04105	230	144	70	16
290	Its this "grey area" that I specialize in.	1.4434	0.04363	221	142	60	19
291	Tell me why you feel threatened.	1.4417	0.04282	240	157	60	23
292	We call it “non-invasive”	1.4412	0.04970	204	140	38	26
293	If you’ll stand inside the outline, I can get started.	1.4410	0.04342	229	149	59	21
294	We’ll either hit the wall or your high deductible.	1.4407	0.04537	236	160	48	28
295	Now, before we begin surgery, I need to know that you trust me.	1.4405	0.04279	227	146	62	19
296	Think of it this way: it beats a chalk outline on the sidewalk.	1.4402	0.04318	234	153	59	22
297	It’s a cutting edge procedure all right.	1.4400	0.04683	200	131	50	19
298	As you know, this is a targeted treatment.	1.4400	0.04519	200	128	56	16
299	Any other questions? I'm due in court.	1.4396	0.04915	207	142	39	26
300	This is my earlier work.	1.4395	0.04043	223	138	72	13
301	Not to worry — I’m board-certified.	1.4394	0.04607	198	128	53	17
302	Your margins are clear.	1.4390	0.04495	205	132	56	17
303	This will only hurt if you sneeze.	1.4380	0.04005	242	153	72	17
304	Let me outline the procedure for you.	1.4380	0.04281	258	174	55	29
305	We just took him off of knife support.	1.4372	0.04270	247	164	58	25
306	Now for the stress test.	1.4369	0.04531	206	134	54	18
307	You next checkup is in 6 months. You probably want to watch your weight.	1.4363	0.04303	259	176	53	30
308	It's also a continence test.	1.4356	0.04303	225	146	60	19
309	Do not turn and cough.	1.4352	0.04380	216	140	58	18
310	This is our rapid colonoscopy prep.	1.4352	0.04802	216	149	40	27
311	Our preliminary tests indicate you did not swallow a magnet.	1.4352	0.04757	216	148	42	26
312	Believe me...I also wish you had better insurance.	1.4348	0.04301	207	131	62	14
313	Don't worry, it's a non-invasive procedure.	1.4337	0.04856	196	132	43	21
314	I don't send out billing reminders.	1.4330	0.04628	224	153	45	26
315	As you can see this is a noninvasive surgery	1.4330	0.04726	194	128	48	18
316	I’ve outlined the areas that your insurance covers.	1.4330	0.04947	194	132	40	22
317	You may feel a slight poke.	1.4328	0.04498	201	130	55	16
318	Honestly? This procedure's kind of hit or miss.	1.4326	0.04138	215	135	67	13
319	See, no more hiccups!	1.4324	0.05009	185	125	40	20
320	But first, a stress test.	1.4322	0.04529	199	129	54	16
321	Before Johns Hopkins, I was pre-med at Barnum & Bailey.	1.4317	0.04678	183	118	51	14
322	We are closing in on the problem.	1.4314	0.04171	204	127	66	11
323	I worked in a carnival before med school.	1.4313	0.04399	211	137	57	17
324	...of course, past performance is no guarantee of future results.	1.4313	0.04977	211	149	33	29
325	It cures hiccups and constipation.	1.4312	0.04349	218	142	58	18
326	My residency program was at Benihana's.	1.4301	0.05071	193	134	35	24
327	It won’t cure you, but it’ll take your mind off it.	1.4300	0.04342	200	127	60	13
328	Of course I'm board certified.	1.4286	0.04358	224	148	56	20
329	Using that little hammer to test your reflexes is so last-century.	1.4280	0.04393	243	166	50	27
330	It only hurts when you move. . .	1.4265	0.04239	211	135	62	14
331	As promised, your constipation will soon be a thing of the past.	1.4265	0.04547	211	141	50	20
332	Now do you trust me with your adult circumcision.	1.4265	0.04607	204	136	49	19
333	Looks like we can rule out Parkinson’s.	1.4263	0.04907	190	129	41	20
334	Students, Mr. Carlson is here for his vasectomy.	1.4242	0.04348	231	155	54	22
335	Don't worry. I can do this blindfolded.	1.4227	0.03963	220	138	71	11
336	You can leave your shoes and socks on.	1.4225	0.04844	187	126	43	18
337	They use a different approach in the Urology department.	1.4216	0.04603	204	137	48	19
338	Don't worry, you're one of the folks with GOOD insurance coverage.	1.4213	0.04292	235	158	55	22
339	And then the one who comes closest without nicking the body gets to do the operation.	1.4211	0.04903	190	130	40	20
340	This surgery is usually painless.	1.4208	0.04528	202	134	51	17
341	It is ineffective, stupid and dangerous, but it's the only treatment your insurance provider, Dumbfuck Loser Circus Nerd Life & Casualty, will cover.	1.4208	0.05042	202	144	31	27
342	I knew we could get your heart rate up.	1.4206	0.04447	214	143	52	19
343	Yes, a few patients have reported side effects.	1.4203	0.04450	207	137	53	17
344	You may experience some discomfort.	1.4192	0.04904	167	110	44	13
345	It’s cutting edge technology.	1.4187	0.04617	203	137	47	19
346	On the other hand, you could take the vaccine.	1.4181	0.05038	177	121	38	18
347	I'm concerned about your reflexes. You didn't catch a single knife.	1.4176	0.05117	182	127	34	21
348	Good news! It’s only invasive if you move.	1.4176	0.04748	182	121	46	15
349	Now we'll test your reflexes.	1.4174	0.04189	218	142	61	15
350	Wait. You have hands?	1.4167	0.04953	168	112	42	14
351	Unfortunately, this is the best that your health insurance could offer.	1.4158	0.04788	202	140	40	22
352	I have a perfect success rate at curing nervous disorders such as yours.	1.4158	0.04544	190	125	51	14
353	Your insurance only covers twelve tries.	1.4154	0.04220	195	124	61	10
354	I find that it’s the surest cure for constipation.	1.4152	0.04960	171	115	41	15
355	I did my residency at Ringling.	1.4150	0.04770	200	138	41	21
356	Don't worry - this is cutting edge technology	1.4150	0.04609	200	135	47	18
357	Some experts say: "Past performances cannot predict the future	1.4143	0.04552	210	143	47	20
358	It’ll be over in seconds.”	1.4131	0.04200	213	139	60	14
359	Only if a laxative doesn't do the trick	1.4127	0.04971	189	132	36	21
360	Didn't you read the consent form when you volunteered for the study?	1.4125	0.04967	160	106	42	12
361	Of course you'll be on a spinning wheel for the actual procedure.	1.4123	0.04682	211	147	41	23
362	Side effects are very rare and include abdominal pain, headaches, dizziness, agitation, fatigue, and death.	1.4121	0.05085	165	112	38	15
363	In addition to medical school, I performed with Cirque du Soleil for five years.	1.4121	0.04568	199	134	48	17
364	This is when you might reconsider and ask for a second opinion	1.4118	0.05250	170	119	32	19
365	Funny, but a lot of my patients choose to revisit their insurance plans before treatment...	1.4118	0.04379	204	135	54	15
366	I did my residency in Vegas.	1.4115	0.04567	192	128	49	15
367	This is what you get with an advantage plan.	1.4112	0.04711	197	135	43	19
368	Don’t worry, we’ll both be blindfolded.	1.4103	0.04338	195	127	56	12
369	Now let’s check your pulse.	1.4103	0.05053	156	104	40	12
370	Time for your stress test.	1.4096	0.04571	188	125	49	14
371	Next, we'll be checking your reflexes.	1.4095	0.04548	210	144	46	20
372	Please step over to the wall so I can test your blood pressure.	1.4093	0.04422	215	146	50	19
373	We can also do an MRI.	1.4088	0.04822	181	123	42	16
374	The ones you see are not the problem.	1.4086	0.04667	186	125	46	15
375	And when we’re done, your hiccups will be cured.	1.4080	0.04892	174	118	41	15
376	I Told Him A Dozen Times To Stop Flinching	1.4080	0.04892	174	118	41	15
377	We find this very effective in helping patients pass kidney stones.	1.4070	0.04931	172	117	40	15
378	Always a first time.	1.4070	0.05264	172	122	30	20
379	I know it's a bit unorthodox, but I've found that most patients declare they are cured after one treatment!	1.4068	0.04962	177	122	38	17
380	This is the only cardiac stress test your health insurance will cover.	1.4068	0.04831	177	120	42	15
381	I'm not a specialist, but I'll take a stab at it	1.4062	0.04907	192	135	36	21
382	…and that’s how we test anti anxiety medication.	1.4057	0.05068	175	122	35	18
383	And your hiccups will be gone in no time.	1.4053	0.04773	190	131	41	18
384	Are you still constipated?	1.4046	0.04908	173	118	40	15
385	As you can see,this does not have to be an invasive procedure.	1.4046	0.04908	173	118	40	15
386	It's how I unwind after a long day in surgery.....	1.4045	0.04676	178	119	46	13
387	the first twelve are easy	1.4040	0.04346	198	131	54	13
388	Appendectomies really are a game of chance...	1.4037	0.04776	161	106	45	10
389	I told you it wasn't invasive.	1.4033	0.04687	181	122	45	14
390	So for your type of insurance we'll have to go with this procedure.	1.4032	0.04904	186	130	37	19
391	Now that I've outlined the procedure, do you have any questions?	1.4032	0.04535	186	124	49	13
392	It's the only stress test your insurance will cover.	1.4024	0.05263	169	120	30	19
393	I was with the circus prior to taking up surgery	1.4021	0.04546	189	127	48	14
394	I honestly can’t believe I missed 12 times.	1.4021	0.04866	194	137	36	21
395	I think you’ll fit right in.	1.4020	0.04387	199	133	52	14
396	And just like that...your hiccups are gone!	1.4012	0.05127	172	121	33	18
397	Try again. Where exactly is this stabbing pain you’re feeling?	1.4011	0.04919	182	127	37	18
398	It's not a surgical theater - more of a big top.	1.4011	0.04579	187	126	47	14
399	Oh, come on. You only have a month to live.	1.4010	0.04969	197	142	31	24
400	It's noninvasive surgery.	1.4000	0.05189	175	125	30	20
401	You can keep the gown on this time.	1.4000	0.04791	160	106	44	10
402	Fortunately, your insurance covers my blindfold.	1.4000	0.05351	150	104	32	14
403	Allow me to outline the procedure.	1.4000	0.04738	185	127	42	16
404	This will be my first vasectomy.	1.3989	0.04836	183	127	39	17
405	Never a dull moment is our motto.	1.3987	0.04913	158	106	41	11
406	Honestly, though, it's not for testing your eyesight.	1.3986	0.05316	148	102	33	13
407	I always need a few warmups before we go into the operating room.	1.3977	0.04727	171	115	44	12
408	Like all medical procedures, this one is not without risk.	1.3977	0.04799	171	116	42	13
409	What do you say we take a stab at it?	1.3976	0.04900	166	113	40	13
410	Not to worry. My accuracy rate is 92.3 per cent.	1.3970	0.04323	199	133	53	13
411	We're a learning hospital.	1.3969	0.04518	194	132	47	15
412	Before we start - these are the spots your insurance covers	1.3968	0.04840	189	133	37	19
413	Past performance may not be indicative of future results.	1.3967	0.04996	184	131	33	20
414	I'll run a few more tests, but I think it's safe to say that anxiety isn't the problem.	1.3966	0.04511	179	119	49	11
415	Think of it as Western acupuncture.	1.3966	0.05013	174	122	35	17
416	I promise, your vasectomy will be completed before you even know what happened.	1.3964	0.04981	169	117	37	15
417	I'm board certified.	1.3963	0.05162	164	115	33	16
418	Relax, this procedure has a 95% survival rate.	1.3952	0.04950	167	115	38	14
419	So, yes, I am good with a knife.	1.3952	0.04950	167	115	38	14
420	You’re probably thinking to yourself “Why did I sign up for the high deductible plan?”	1.3952	0.04649	167	111	46	10
421	If all goes well, it's an outpatient procedure!	1.3951	0.04346	205	139	51	15
422	This helps all my patients get over their fear of needles.	1.3951	0.04663	162	107	46	9
423	Stand there and we'll see if we can locate the source of the problem.	1.3949	0.04930	157	106	40	11
424	Sorry, but this is the best medical assisted suicide option I can offer given your insurance.	1.3947	0.04819	190	134	37	19
425	This is the best cure for constipation that I've ever seen.	1.3946	0.04914	185	131	35	19
426	Ready for your auraectomy?	1.3946	0.04669	185	127	43	15
427	Oh, it's just some modern art the hospital board commissioned.	1.3943	0.04989	175	123	35	17
428	And now your vasectomy will be a piece of cake.	1.3939	0.04730	198	140	38	20
429	The procedure isn't perfect, but it's all your insurance will cover.	1.3938	0.04590	193	133	44	16
430	Trust me. They’re sterilized.	1.3938	0.05400	160	115	27	18
431	Fortunately for you, I specialize in “external”medicine.	1.3933	0.04662	178	121	44	13
432	The insurance wouldn't approve the gamma knife surgery. Here's what your plan covers	1.3922	0.05265	153	107	32	14
433	Despite my flawless results, insurance won't cover this procedure.	1.3920	0.04656	199	140	40	19
434	Tell me you don’t feel more alive.	1.3918	0.05071	171	121	33	17
435	For this last one, you need to pull the gown up a little.	1.3918	0.05003	171	120	35	16
436	Nine out of ten doctors miss	1.3918	0.04799	194	138	36	20
437	Despite several attempts, the nurse was not able to draw blood.	1.3916	0.05439	143	100	30	13
438	Surprisingly, your HMO actually covers this.	1.3915	0.04656	189	131	42	16
439	It helps us get your stool sample.	1.3913	0.04619	184	126	44	14
440	As you can see,our scans show that you are extremely lucky.	1.3913	0.05075	161	112	35	14
441	Barnum and Bailey School of Medicine, why do you ask??	1.3913	0.05300	161	115	29	17
442	Of course there are other options, if you have insurance	1.3907	0.05145	151	104	35	12
443	I’m terrible at drawing blood.	1.3907	0.05557	151	109	25	17
444	So, how’s next Tuesday sound for the vasectomy?	1.3906	0.04603	192	133	43	16
445	Wish I was that good with a scalpel.	1.3905	0.04756	169	115	42	12
446	Come see me next week. I might have missed something.	1.3905	0.05113	169	120	32	17
447	X-Rays show no indication of a stabbing pain. Let's try an MRI.	1.3904	0.04751	187	131	39	17
448	You may feel a small pinch.	1.3902	0.05155	164	116	32	16
449	Your stress test looks good so far.	1.3899	0.04629	159	105	46	8
450	Reflexes? Check.	1.3895	0.04769	172	118	41	13
451	Of course, your insurance coverage will determine my accuracy.	1.3893	0.05278	149	104	32	13
452	This should cure your hiccups.	1.3892	0.04794	167	114	41	12
453	You might be my twin brother, but I still think I'm going to enjoy this.	1.3892	0.04942	167	116	37	14
454	The next one might sting a little.	1.3892	0.04718	167	113	43	11
455	It's the only bladder test covered by your health plan.	1.3889	0.04445	198	136	47	15
456	You only have to go under the knife one more time.	1.3889	0.04816	162	110	41	11
457	Don't worry. You can see I never miss.	1.3889	0.04687	180	124	42	14
458	Yes, it’s usually a noninvasive procedure.	1.3885	0.05084	157	109	35	13
459	No worries. I can perform this procedure blindfolded.	1.3885	0.05163	157	110	33	14
460	Actually I work in billing.	1.3885	0.05395	157	113	27	17
461	As long as you stay still, it's a totally non-invasive procedure just like the brochure promises.	1.3885	0.04837	157	106	41	10
462	This should relieve your constipation.	1.3882	0.04734	170	116	42	12
463	... and then we'll check your blood pressure.	1.3882	0.04949	170	119	36	15
464	I do my best work with an audience and a blindfold.	1.3882	0.04660	170	115	44	11
465	As you can see, I'm very good. Of course, if I miss, you'll get a full refund.	1.3879	0.04908	165	114	38	13
466	I've been practicing, A LOT.	1.3876	0.04586	178	121	45	12
467	As your medical insurance doesn't cover anesthetics, we need you to faint from fright.	1.3875	0.05015	160	111	36	13
468	You’re taller than our last volunteer.	1.3875	0.04855	160	109	40	11
469	Are you a betting man?	1.3873	0.04881	142	94	41	7
470	Don't turn and don't cough.	1.3871	0.04790	155	104	42	9
471	As your cardiologist, I recommend a stress test.	1.3871	0.04702	155	103	44	8
472	We'll get started when my lovely assistant arrives.	1.3869	0.04695	168	114	43	11
473	Yes that’s your ideal profile. At Weight Loss Clinic we have ways of encouraging our clients to reach their ideal profile.	1.3869	0.05061	168	119	33	16
474	Barnum and Bailey University, why do you ask?	1.3869	0.05061	168	119	33	16
475	Bet your hiccups are gone	1.3867	0.04532	181	123	46	12
476	It's cutting edge treatment	1.3867	0.04600	181	124	44	13
477	I’m also licensed to guess your weight.	1.3867	0.04859	181	128	36	17
478	Do you mind if I also post the surgery to TikTok?	1.3859	0.04738	184	129	39	16
479	You won't be missed.	1.3855	0.04958	166	116	36	14
480	As you can see, it's really important that you lie still.	1.3852	0.05562	135	95	28	12
481	You can tie the gown in the front if it makes you feel better.	1.3851	0.04911	161	111	38	12
482	It’s cutting edge medicine.	1.3851	0.04831	161	110	40	11
483	As you can see, your results are outstanding so far; we just need to run one more test.	1.3851	0.04989	161	112	36	13
484	I specialize in minimally invasive surgery.	1.3841	0.05474	138	97	29	12
485	Don't worry, this isn't my first vasectomy.	1.3835	0.04425	206	144	45	17
486	We're not quite sure where the tumor is but I can take a stab at it.	1.3833	0.04679	180	125	41	14
487	This is the one authorized by your insurance.	1.3831	0.04978	154	106	37	11
488	We'll now test your reflexes in a fun new way.	1.3829	0.04633	175	120	43	12
489	If you let me use an axe, I'll throw in a free vasectomy.	1.3827	0.05116	162	115	32	15
490	Aren't you glad that this randomized controlled trial isn't double-blind?	1.3827	0.05191	162	116	30	16
491	You might feel a slight sting.	1.3819	0.05121	144	99	35	10
492	There is a definite pattern here.	1.3818	0.04746	165	113	41	11
493	I've got one left. Where do you want it?	1.3815	0.04879	173	122	36	15
494	I am Dr. George Santos and and I will be performing your vasectomy using my newly-developed painless technique.	1.3815	0.05081	173	125	30	18
495	Well, George, we're going to test how that new incontinence medication is working.	1.3813	0.05721	139	101	23	15
496	Well, the good news is you have no reflexes.	1.3812	0.04724	181	127	39	15
497	I'd like to run one more test.	1.3810	0.04762	168	116	40	12
498	100% board certified!	1.3810	0.05404	147	105	28	14
499	Let me know if you feel anything.	1.3810	0.05047	147	101	36	10
500	Yours will be the first between the legs.	1.3810	0.04457	189	130	46	13
501	When's the last time you had a stress test?	1.3807	0.04611	176	121	43	12
502	Sure, an MRI would be better but it's not in your network.	1.3806	0.04946	134	89	39	6
503	Yes ,it is a bit like acupuncture.	1.3804	0.04793	184	131	36	17
504	This new procedure is hit or miss.	1.3801	0.04987	171	122	33	16
505	Totally cures constipation.	1.3800	0.05324	150	107	29	14
506	Well Mr. Smith, are we ready for our Stress Test?	1.3800	0.05650	150	111	21	18
507	We feel we're on the cutting edge.	1.3800	0.05239	150	106	31	13
508	Never missed yet.	1.3793	0.05092	145	100	35	10
509	It's outpatient.	1.3791	0.04637	153	102	44	7
510	Well, sometimes, yes, but that's why you and I both have insurance.	1.3786	0.05216	140	97	33	10
511	Be sure to keep your knees apart for the next one.	1.3786	0.05116	140	96	35	9
512	I'm confident this treatment will fix your constipation.	1.3778	0.05551	135	96	27	12
513	You’re an organ donor, right?	1.3778	0.04326	180	121	50	9
514	Looks like you came through the procedure very well.	1.3776	0.05326	143	101	30	12
515	You'll be lucky 13	1.3776	0.05233	143	100	32	11
516	So you lost control of your bladder. Your hiccups are cured, aren't they.	1.3768	0.05558	138	99	26	13
517	Not to worry, you'll be facing the wall.	1.3767	0.04776	146	98	41	7
518	Enough practice. Let's get that appendix out.	1.3766	0.05218	154	110	30	14
519	Relax. I’m a doctor.	1.3765	0.04955	162	114	35	13
520	Congratulations, you passed our cardiac stress test with flying colors	1.3765	0.04790	170	119	38	13
521	My surgical residency was with Ringling Brothers.”	1.3759	0.05282	141	99	31	11
522	We have a new cutting edge procedure.	1.3758	0.05257	149	106	30	13
523	Long-distance surgery is all the rage now.	1.3757	0.04650	181	127	40	14
524	Remember, no treatment is without risk.	1.3750	0.04810	176	125	36	15
525	Well, you aced the stress test. Now let's check that prostate.	1.3750	0.04827	168	118	37	13
526	It's the only pre-op prep covered by your insurance.	1.3750	0.05265	152	109	29	14
527	Next we will test your reflexes.	1.3750	0.04677	168	116	41	11
528	If you don’t mind I’d like to run just one more test.	1.3743	0.04620	171	118	42	11
529	Relax, FDA approval is expected to come through any day now.	1.3743	0.04767	171	120	38	13
530	Very few of my patients don’t stick to the diet.	1.3742	0.05349	155	113	26	16
531	I was told I’d be going under the knife, singular.	1.3742	0.05109	155	110	32	13
532	Stand right on that red stain.	1.3741	0.05127	147	103	33	11
533	I always wanted to be in the circus. My parents insisted on medical school.	1.3741	0.05133	139	96	34	9
534	We've had zero post-operative complaints.	1.3741	0.05234	139	97	32	10
535	I almost never miss a diagnosis.	1.3736	0.04289	182	123	50	9
536	As you know, all surgeries come with a certain risk.	1.3735	0.04713	166	115	40	11
537	Trust me, you won't feel a thing.	1.3734	0.04792	158	109	39	10
538	My speciality is external medicine.	1.3734	0.04792	158	109	39	10
539	No more hiccups, am I right?	1.3729	0.04720	177	125	38	14
540	Why else would it be called a “medical practice?”	1.3728	0.04948	169	121	33	15
541	Now, let's see if your new anti-anxiety medication is working.	1.3725	0.04984	153	107	35	11
542	So I figured with skills like this, becoming a surgeon would be easy.	1.3724	0.05080	145	101	34	10
543	You might want to face the wall for this one.	1.3724	0.04789	145	98	40	7
544	That’s 4 years of Med School & 4 years of clown college	1.3724	0.05174	145	102	32	11
545	Sorry this is my first circumcision.	1.3718	0.05081	156	111	32	13
546	On the other hand, past results are no guarantee of future performance.	1.3718	0.05081	156	111	32	13
547	Well, yes, medicine can sometimes be a bit hit or miss.	1.3718	0.04916	156	109	36	11
548	Cutting edge technology.	1.3716	0.05008	148	103	35	10
549	I’m also terrible at Operation the game	1.3716	0.05099	148	104	33	11
550	Your insurance doesn’t cover anesthesia or an operating room.	1.3714	0.04824	175	125	35	15
551	Just tell me where it hurts	1.3713	0.04766	167	117	38	12
552	It's my cure for the toughest cases of hiccups, like yours.	1.3711	0.05012	159	113	33	13
553	We’ve exhausted every procedure except one	1.3710	0.05779	124	89	24	11
554	Of course there are those who associate the number 13 with bad luck.	1.3709	0.04848	151	104	38	9
555	When the circus closed, I asked myself - what’s my transferable skill?	1.3708	0.04896	178	129	32	17
556	yes, you would be number 13	1.3706	0.05407	143	103	27	13
557	Have you heard the term "practicing medicine?"	1.3704	0.05022	162	116	32	14
558	Actually, past performance is a reliable enough indicator of future results.	1.3704	0.04541	162	110	44	8
559	On second thought,I think I’ll go with radiation.	1.3701	0.04871	154	107	37	10
560	Hospital? This is the Museum of Modern Art.	1.3701	0.05208	154	111	29	14
561	For most patients the procedure is painless.	1.3699	0.04957	146	101	36	9
562	We could try it again arthroscopically.	1.3694	0.04890	157	110	36	11
563	Side effects may include sharp stabbing pain.	1.3691	0.05417	149	109	25	15
564	Trust me. I'm with doctors without borders.	1.3691	0.04980	149	104	35	10
565	This will teach you not to fidget in the MRI.	1.3687	0.04575	160	109	43	8
566	Now to pinpoint the problem.	1.3684	0.04302	171	115	49	7
567	Just one more with you facing the board.	1.3684	0.04822	152	105	38	9
568	Just show me what you'd like me to remove.	1.3684	0.05695	133	97	23	13
569	Ohhh, it’s eye, nose, and throw doctor.	1.3684	0.04912	152	106	36	10
570	I know the others said it was inoperable, but I'm willing to take a stab at it.	1.3684	0.05387	133	94	29	10
571	This is cutting edge medicine	1.3684	0.05171	152	109	30	13
572	It's really more of an art than a science.	1.3681	0.04903	144	99	37	8
573	I've been looking into practices outside of conventional medicine. This is your stress test.	1.3678	0.04699	174	123	38	13
574	In medical school, this is where we decide whether our graduates become surgeons or go into teaching.	1.3676	0.05504	136	98	26	12
575	The margins are clear.	1.3676	0.05093	136	94	34	8
576	And again, I’m sorry about your arm.	1.3673	0.04835	147	101	38	8
577	I specialize in external medicine.	1.3673	0.05206	147	105	30	12
578	Cigarette?	1.3672	0.05419	128	90	29	9
579	No, I'm not a rabbi, but I've done this a thousand times.	1.3672	0.05067	128	87	35	6
580	It's a spin on the childhood classic, pin the tail on the donkey	1.3671	0.04696	158	109	40	9
581	Don't worry, a negative result is good."	1.3667	0.05131	150	107	31	12
582	Luckily, you're a good fit for this surgical trial	1.3667	0.05043	150	106	33	11
583	As you can see, our surgeons are very skilled.	1.3667	0.04450	180	125	44	11
584	I’m much more accurate when I can see what’s inside.	1.3660	0.04973	153	108	34	11
585	Now I'd like to check your reflexes.	1.3657	0.04461	175	121	44	10
586	It's this or the rectal exam.	1.3657	0.05458	134	96	27	11
587	The new operating table will arrive any day.	1.3655	0.05162	145	103	31	11
588	I rarely lose a patient.	1.3655	0.04776	145	99	39	7
589	Without volunteers, clinical studies just wouldn’t be possible.	1.3655	0.05162	145	103	31	11
590	Well, the good news is that you've avoided going under the knife.	1.3653	0.04832	167	119	35	13
591	As you can see going under the knife is perfectly safe.	1.3650	0.04955	137	94	36	7
592	I call it "In-acupuncture." It works wonders; one treatment and my patients are good to go.	1.3650	0.05167	137	96	32	9
593	There are, of course, risks associated with this type of surgery…	1.3650	0.05567	137	100	24	13
594	And you thought an MRI is scary?	1.3649	0.05176	148	106	30	12
595	It's a new concept in surgery. It's big on Tik-Tok so we're giving it a try.	1.3648	0.05002	159	114	32	13
596	Past performance does not guarantee future results.	1.3643	0.05385	129	91	29	9
597	As you can see, this is a very low risk procedure.	1.3643	0.05496	129	92	27	10
598	You are I both know where the next one goes.	1.3643	0.04988	140	97	35	8
599	This patient didn’t need anesthesia. How about you?	1.3642	0.04744	151	104	39	8
600	Oh, that's just where I practice.	1.3642	0.05188	151	109	29	13
601	No, it doesn’t spin	1.3636	0.05512	132	95	26	11
602	See sir,you can't afford to gain any more weight.	1.3636	0.05113	143	101	32	10
603	Well, you might feel a slight sting	1.3636	0.04771	154	107	38	9
604	Our lawyers require me to say past performance is no guarantee of future results	1.3636	0.05512	132	95	26	11
605	Nurse, blindfold!	1.3636	0.05076	132	91	34	7
606	Since you have no insurance, this is the free reflex test.	1.3636	0.05093	165	121	28	16
607	And this is why we call it PRACTICING medicine.	1.3631	0.04733	168	119	37	12
608	I could never be a surgeon.	1.3630	0.05321	135	96	29	10
609	You might feel a little pressure.	1.3630	0.04999	135	93	35	7
610	Odds are, if the cancer doesn’t kill you, I will.	1.3629	0.05876	124	91	21	12
611	Ya, I know, but so far modern science has yet to come up with a better bladder control test.	1.3624	0.05235	149	108	28	13
612	The next procedure is more invasive.	1.3624	0.05059	149	106	32	11
613	Yes, it’s your stress test.	1.3623	0.04926	138	95	36	7
614	It’s cutting edge therapy.	1.3623	0.05721	138	103	20	15
615	Nice. We can check off nervous system response.	1.3623	0.05137	138	97	32	9
616	And now for your blood pressure test!	1.3622	0.04438	196	140	41	15
617	Just don't sneeze.	1.3622	0.05204	127	88	32	7
618	So I left the circus and went into medicine....	1.3620	0.04832	163	116	35	12
619	All right - now this time ,with the blindfold.	1.3618	0.04900	152	107	35	10
620	The nurse tells me you're having trouble giving a urine sample	1.3618	0.05326	152	112	25	15
621	I took a stab at it, so next let’s try a shot in the dark.	1.3618	0.05243	152	111	27	14
622	As you can see, the procedure is completely painless.	1.3618	0.04810	152	106	37	9
623	As you can see, Mr. Smith, no surgery is necessary. You've dodged the knife.	1.3615	0.05461	130	93	27	10
624	This procedure has never worked.	1.3615	0.05238	130	91	31	8
625	I guarantee you'll be able to pee after this operation.	1.3615	0.05461	130	93	27	10
626	I guess I just got a little bored doing vasectomies the same old way.	1.3614	0.04534	166	115	42	9
627	I could do acupuncture if you prefer	1.3613	0.05004	155	111	32	12
628	I'm also board certified.	1.3613	0.04657	155	107	40	8
629	It’s our new stress test.	1.3611	0.04987	144	101	34	9
630	If my throw lands next to your problem, you get free medical care for a year	1.3611	0.05179	144	103	30	11
631	You passed. It's quicker than the treadmill.	1.3609	0.05373	133	95	28	10
632	It's the best stress test your health insurance covers.	1.3609	0.05478	133	96	26	11
633	And your insurance will cover it.	1.3607	0.05082	122	83	34	5
634	Step in. There's one left.	1.3605	0.04821	147	102	37	8
635	This has proven to be the best non-invasive treatment for constipation.	1.3603	0.05490	136	99	25	12
636	Of course, you're free to seek a second opinion.	1.3603	0.05078	136	95	33	8
637	Don't worry, 9 out of 10 doctors recommend this practice.	1.3603	0.05288	136	97	29	10
638	Let's get you prepped for your colonoscopy.	1.3603	0.05288	136	97	29	10
639	There's a good chance you'll be missed.	1.3602	0.04949	161	116	32	13
640	This teaching tool leads most of my overweight patients to lose weight before the surgery.	1.3600	0.04661	150	103	40	7
641	Now, about that vasectomy	1.3600	0.05031	150	107	32	11
642	It's like acupuncture, only faster."	1.3597	0.05306	139	100	28	11
643	No, this isn’t covered by insurance	1.3597	0.05003	139	97	34	8
644	Now let’s make sure you haven’t gained any weight since the last check-up.	1.3595	0.05456	153	115	21	17
645	Now it ‘s your turn.	1.3594	0.05171	128	89	32	7
646	Do you still have the hiccups?	1.3592	0.04931	142	99	35	8
647	Yeah, here's your option...blindfold or no blindfold.	1.3592	0.05226	142	102	29	11
648	My diagnosis: you either have nerves of steel or no nerves at all.	1.3590	0.06004	117	86	20	11
649	Yours is an interesting case. I would like to take a stab at it.	1.3588	0.05426	131	94	27	10
650	The new Cyber knife technology is trending more analogue.	1.3588	0.05205	131	92	31	8
651	…and of course, no medical procedure is entirely without risk…	1.3588	0.05317	131	93	29	9
652	I got a great deal on my malpractice insurance.	1.3588	0.05205	131	92	31	8
653	They teach you in Medical School that the cuts you make are just as important as the ones you don't.	1.3586	0.05055	145	103	32	10
654	Just one more.	1.3586	0.04762	145	100	38	7
655	This is the only vasectomy procedure your insurance covers	1.3586	0.05332	145	106	26	13
656	Don’t worry. We’ll know right away if something goes wrong.	1.3585	0.04745	159	112	37	10
657	That’s how I relax.	1.3585	0.04828	159	113	35	11
658	…but at least it’s covered by your insurance.	1.3585	0.04486	159	109	43	7
659	The surgery should be quick.	1.3583	0.05525	120	85	27	8
660	I’m worried I may have missed something.	1.3577	0.05048	137	96	33	8
661	Budgetary cutbacks have forced us to slightly alter our cardiac stress testing...	1.3576	0.05009	165	121	29	15
662	And now we'll do your cardio stress test!	1.3576	0.04783	165	118	35	12
663	This is our minimally invasive surgical option.	1.3571	0.05341	126	89	29	8
664	I'd like to take another stab at a diagnosis.	1.3571	0.05019	154	111	31	12
665	See. I rarely miss	1.3571	0.05176	140	100	30	10
666	It's like a cross between acupuncture and shock therapy.	1.3571	0.05019	154	111	31	12
667	Welcome to my practice.	1.3567	0.04519	157	108	42	7
668	You'll be the first patient in the double-blind part of the clinical trial.	1.3567	0.04867	157	112	34	11
669	So should I take another stab at it?”	1.3567	0.04951	157	113	32	12
670	It’s why we call it a ‘practice’	1.3566	0.05472	143	106	23	14
671	I am going to miss you.	1.3566	0.05369	129	92	28	9
672	Imagine how good I am with a scalpel when my eyes are open!	1.3565	0.06075	115	85	19	11
673	You finally get Universal Health Care and you're still not happy.	1.3562	0.04803	160	114	35	11
674	Your insurance no longer covers the treadmill test. They suggest this as a cost-effective option.	1.3562	0.05043	160	117	29	14
675	So you're here for a vasectomy?	1.3562	0.04835	146	102	36	8
676	I never said medicine was an exact science.	1.3562	0.05026	146	104	32	10
677	You are probably asking asking yourself, where does the last knife go?	1.3561	0.05392	132	95	27	10
678	Okay... Now back to my day job.	1.3561	0.05498	132	96	25	11
679	Okay, just going to test your reflexes then you can get dressed	1.3558	0.05051	163	120	28	15
680	If you’re able to remain still, we’ve cured your anxiety.	1.3558	0.04898	163	118	32	13
681	Can you try sticking your cyst out just a little?	1.3557	0.05223	149	109	27	13
682	Actually, it's " second" do no harm. First, we have to practice.	1.3557	0.05135	149	108	29	12
683	This shouldn't hurt a bit.	1.3557	0.05223	149	109	27	13
684	I’m afraid your condition is inoperable.	1.3556	0.04639	135	91	40	4
685	It’s always hit and miss when it comes to surgery.	1.3556	0.05898	135	103	16	16
686	Sure, there's a good chance I can remove your skin tags	1.3556	0.05201	135	96	30	9
687	As you can see, you really have nothing to worry about.	1.3554	0.04603	166	117	39	10
688	At least it's in network.	1.3553	0.04887	152	108	34	10
689	I practice homeopathic surgery.	1.3553	0.04975	152	109	32	11
690	And when I say hold still, I mean “hold still!”	1.3551	0.05018	138	97	33	8
691	You may feel a slight pinch.	1.3551	0.05325	138	100	27	11
692	Thanks for being flexible. We ran out of chalk.	1.3550	0.04699	169	121	36	12
693	Of course it never hurts to cross your fingers.	1.3548	0.05017	124	85	34	5
694	I find this method to be an efficient means of collecting various fluid samples from my patients.	1.3538	0.05445	130	94	26	10
695	Now let's check your blood pressure.	1.3538	0.04867	130	89	36	5
696	Yes, Sir. 'Non-invasive' is the key word.	1.3534	0.05028	133	93	33	7
697	Oops. I forgot one.	1.3534	0.05566	133	98	23	12
698	…and I could even do your appendectomy with my eyes closed.	1.3533	0.05018	150	108	31	11
699	That's nothing. I once took out an appendix from thirty feet away.	1.3533	0.05106	150	109	29	12
700	Give me a moment to warm up before your vasectomy.	1.3533	0.05018	150	108	31	11
701	This will show us if you have any trust issues.	1.3529	0.05063	136	96	32	8
702	No worries , I took an oath .	1.3529	0.04948	153	110	32	11
703	Obviously during the actual procedure I'll be blindfolded.	1.3529	0.05284	153	114	24	15
704	And that’s why it’s called a practice.	1.3529	0.04948	153	110	32	11
705	It's covered by your insurance.	1.3526	0.04709	156	110	37	9
706	This is why you cannot gain weight.	1.3525	0.05486	139	103	23	13
707	You can take off the gown now.	1.3525	0.05486	139	103	23	13
708	Patients are my target audience."	1.3525	0.04988	139	98	33	8
709	This is cutting edge.	1.3525	0.05811	122	90	21	11
710	This is what happens when an appendix tries to get away	1.3522	0.05136	159	118	26	15
711	Well, I did my residency at the Barnum and Bailey School of Medicine.	1.3520	0.05112	125	87	32	6
712	Budget cuts. We sold the treadmill, but this achieves the same in terms of heart rate.	1.3520	0.05237	125	88	30	7
713	And this one goes in the middle	1.3520	0.05821	125	93	20	12
714	Past results are no guarantee of future performance.	1.3519	0.04913	162	118	31	13
715	One hundred percent cure rate for hiccups.	1.3519	0.04834	162	117	33	12
716	I am going to let the intern throw the next few	1.3517	0.05041	145	104	31	10
717	It looks good so far, but we'll need some blood work.	1.3517	0.04847	145	102	35	8
718	This will be my first surgery, but it's not like I haven't been practicing.	1.3517	0.04748	145	101	37	7
719	It's guaranteed to cure your hiccups!	1.3517	0.04748	145	101	37	7
720	Now I'm going to check your prostate.	1.3516	0.05033	128	89	33	6
721	Actually, I’ve heard the healthcare in America is much worse.	1.3516	0.05272	128	91	29	8
722	We used to test reflexes by tapping your knee.	1.3514	0.05151	148	108	28	12
723	I promise I'll do better during your surgery.	1.3514	0.04876	148	105	34	9
724	The pre-op went well.	1.3511	0.05410	131	95	26	10
725	You’ll hear a whoosh but try to stay still.	1.3511	0.05074	131	92	32	7
726	It’s that or the prostate exam.	1.3511	0.05410	131	95	26	10
727	There's only one way to get rid of those hiccups.	1.3511	0.04957	131	91	34	6
728	Everyone has a little anxiety before surgery	1.3510	0.04990	151	109	31	11
729	I find it builds trust before the vasectomy.	1.3507	0.05531	134	99	23	12
730	The procedure is totally unnecessary, but is usually non-invasive.	1.3506	0.04746	154	109	36	9
731	Feeling better already, I'll bet.	1.3506	0.04921	154	111	32	11
732	My aim is as good as my handwriting	1.3504	0.05472	117	83	27	7
733	I dreamed of joining the circus but my dad made me go to med school.	1.3504	0.05032	137	97	32	8
734	Don't worry, I take the blindfold off during the actual surgery.	1.3503	0.04855	157	113	33	11
735	Next is your stress test.	1.3500	0.05260	140	102	27	11
736	A bris 36 years ago would have been so much easier.	1.3500	0.04791	160	115	34	11
737	Your insurance actually covers it.	1.3496	0.04896	123	84	35	4
738	Let me take one more stab at it.	1.3496	0.05413	123	88	27	8
739	Relax! They don't call me the William Tell of medicine for nothing.	1.3496	0.05413	123	88	27	8
740	This won’t hurt a bit ... usually.	1.3496	0.05030	123	85	33	5
741	My mother still thinks I went to medical school.	1.3496	0.05288	123	87	29	7
742	My oath: First do no harm.	1.3496	0.05413	123	88	27	8
743	Of course, your results may vary.	1.3492	0.05323	126	90	28	8
744	Moving during the test can throw off the results.	1.3492	0.05441	126	91	26	9
745	Your HMO only covers the game Operation.	1.3488	0.05238	129	92	29	8
746	Let's see if we can fit you in.	1.3488	0.04879	129	89	35	5
747	Don’t worry, the knives are all sterilized first.	1.3488	0.05121	129	91	31	7
748	This procedure has been the subject of many trials…some of them clinical.	1.3485	0.05689	132	99	20	13
749	Your blood pressure is a little high. Dealing with any stress?	1.3485	0.05156	132	94	30	8
750	Have I adequately outlined my approach to your surgery?	1.3485	0.05156	132	94	30	8
751	Try not to move.	1.3484	0.04446	155	107	42	6
752	As you can see, we haven’t quite decided where to start cutting.	1.3482	0.05338	112	78	29	5
753	We recommend this technique for constipation patients who can't use laxatives.	1.3481	0.05394	135	99	25	11
754	So I thought, 'What the heck? Knife thrower? Surgeon? Pretty much the same thing.'	1.3481	0.05185	135	97	29	9
755	See, you really want a surgeon with serious knife skills for a urological procedure.	1.3481	0.05394	135	99	25	11
756	'We find it motivates patients to stay within their healthy BMI range.'	1.3481	0.05291	135	98	27	10
757	My technique is totally non-invasive.	1.3481	0.04829	158	114	33	11
758	Not to worry, “Operation” was my favorite childhood board game.	1.3478	0.04895	138	97	34	7
759	Well, yes, there could be side effects.	1.3475	0.05131	141	102	29	10
760	We use this when insurance won't cover an MRI.	1.3475	0.05031	141	101	31	9
761	His diagnosis was malignant aura.	1.3475	0.05160	118	82	31	5
762	Let's see how this goes before we schedule a follow-up.	1.3472	0.05056	144	104	30	10
763	This or the prostate exam. Your choice.	1.3472	0.05151	144	105	28	11
764	Now you realize, past performance does not predict future performance.	1.3471	0.05341	121	86	28	7
765	So I’m actually a psychiatrist	1.3471	0.05593	121	88	24	9
766	You more or less fit the profile of my successful patients.	1.3469	0.04695	147	103	37	7
767	Now let's get rid of those hiccups.	1.3468	0.04997	124	86	33	5
768	Wanna guess where the 13th one goes?	1.3468	0.05253	124	88	29	7
769	'As you can see, I have a 100% accuracy rate."	1.3468	0.05497	124	90	25	9
770	And that’s blindfolded.	1.3465	0.04793	127	87	36	4
771	I think you see my point.	1.3464	0.04758	153	109	35	9
772	Can you show me where it hurts?	1.3462	0.05852	130	99	17	14
773	If this doesn't cure your constipation, I'm stuck.	1.3462	0.05089	130	92	31	7
774	Would you like me to take another stab at it?	1.3462	0.04783	156	112	34	10
775	Of course, you can always seek a second opinion.	1.3462	0.04849	130	90	35	5
776	Laser surgery is more accurate but this is more fun.	1.3462	0.05318	130	94	27	9
777	I find this a more accurate way of testing reflexes.	1.3459	0.04896	133	93	34	6
778	Our success rate with this procedure is excellent. I'm confident that your hiccups will disappear.	1.3459	0.05124	133	95	30	8
779	Of course you can trust me. We're identical twins.	1.3459	0.05342	133	97	26	10
780	Often we have to repeat the test.	1.3456	0.05046	136	97	31	8
781	Mom always said you should have gone to medical school and I should have joined the circus.	1.3456	0.05258	136	99	27	10
782	See! My accuracy is fine. Now please get back onto the operating table.	1.3456	0.05258	136	99	27	10
783	It’s time to play, you bet your life.	1.3455	0.05839	110	80	22	8
784	One more should do the trick.	1.3451	0.05198	142	104	27	11
785	I did say that the surgery was “exploratory “ didn’t I?	1.3448	0.04914	116	79	34	3
786	The good news is we recovered the last knife and you’ll be back to work soon. The bad news is you may need to change your name to something more feminine.	1.3448	0.05305	145	108	24	13
787	We should have the results from your adrenaline test back by Thursday...	1.3448	0.04930	145	104	32	9
788	"This procedure should've alleviated your constipation."	1.3444	0.04796	151	108	34	9
789	A reflex hammer to the knee is so 2022.	1.3443	0.05431	122	88	26	8
790	Enough practice. Let’s try your vasectomy.	1.3440	0.05577	125	92	23	10
791	I haven't been able to diagnose your problem just yet, but I'll take another stab at it.	1.3440	0.05460	125	91	25	9
792	Don’t worry I won’t miss this time.	1.3439	0.04582	157	111	38	8
793	My cure for your constipation.	1.3438	0.05370	128	93	26	9
794	You gotta admit, it works. Your hiccups are gone.	1.3438	0.05370	128	93	26	9
795	I’m just a surgeon. Wait until you see how the radiologist plays.	1.3438	0.05370	128	93	26	9
796	Part of my OR rotation was at SUNY - Barnum & Bailey	1.3438	0.05370	128	93	26	9
797	Feelin' extra lucky?	1.3435	0.05607	131	98	21	12
798	Here's where we check your reflexes.	1.3435	0.05056	131	93	31	7
799	I put myself through medical school, as circus performer.	1.3435	0.05171	131	94	29	8
800	If you still have the hiccups in a week come back and we’ll try again…	1.3435	0.05607	131	98	21	12
801	I call it Still Life with Knives	1.3433	0.05412	134	99	24	11
802	Trust me.	1.3429	0.06176	105	78	18	9
803	Stand there. We’ll have your constipation cleared up in no time.	1.3429	0.05046	140	101	30	9
804	This is a teaching hospital.	1.3429	0.05714	105	75	24	6
805	I told you I practiced surgery.	1.3427	0.04450	143	98	41	4
806	We can safely say your incontinence problems are over!	1.3427	0.05167	143	105	27	11
807	I interned at Benihana."	1.3421	0.05036	152	112	28	12
808	If you can't trust your brother, who can you trust?"	1.3421	0.05407	114	81	27	6
809	Are you wondering why the space in the middle is blank?	1.3419	0.04795	155	112	33	10
810	Would you mind if I tried to better my personal best of 12?	1.3419	0.05314	117	83	28	6
811	My last patient didn't need surgery at all.	1.3419	0.04880	117	80	34	3
812	We are a teaching hospital.”	1.3419	0.05715	117	86	22	9
813	We'll need a stress test before the surgery.	1.3418	0.05061	158	118	26	14
814	Yes, it's cutting edge technology.	1.3417	0.05358	120	86	27	7
815	You lost some weight since your last visit.	1.3415	0.05010	123	86	32	5
816	I need to know that you trust me.	1.3415	0.05141	123	87	30	6
817	We haven’t yet marked your inseam.	1.3415	0.04772	164	120	32	12
818	I just like to warm up before a vasectomy.	1.3413	0.05305	126	91	27	8
819	In the American Healthcare system, it is better to have luck than health.	1.3413	0.05305	126	91	27	8
820	Yes, my surgery residency was at Barnum and Bailey Hospital.	1.3413	0.05305	126	91	27	8
821	I call it a daggerotype	1.3413	0.05184	126	90	29	7
822	Of course no surgery is without risk.	1.3409	0.05139	132	95	29	8
823	Sorry, but with your insurance this is as close as we can come to you being put under the knife.	1.3409	0.05359	132	97	25	10
824	I would say that your odds are pretty good.	1.3407	0.05274	135	99	26	10
825	A blood draw may not be necessary.	1.3407	0.05060	135	97	30	8
826	Would you prefer to be in the control group?	1.3404	0.05116	141	103	28	10
827	Now do you trust me?	1.3403	0.05136	144	106	27	11
828	This treatment seems to be really helping with your anxiety Phil. Don't worry about where the next one lands.	1.3403	0.05041	144	105	29	10
829	We are going to have one hell of a time finding a vein on you.	1.3398	0.05781	103	74	23	6
830	It's for people scared of needles.	1.3398	0.05781	103	74	23	6
831	Don't worry, I'm a doctor	1.3397	0.05022	156	116	27	13
832	Well, Kevin, you're the one who wanted to be Speaker of the House.	1.3394	0.05861	109	80	21	8
833	I may only be a first year Resident but as you can see, I have been practicing.	1.3393	0.05609	112	81	24	7
834	Now I have to ask you to be absolutely still for this one if you're thinking of starting a family.	1.3393	0.05750	112	82	22	8
835	I think I removed all your nasty skin tags.	1.3393	0.05160	112	78	30	4
836	Your nervous condition has been cured. Thanks for your cooperation!	1.3391	0.05368	115	82	27	6
837	I have been practicing for my acupuncture boards	1.3391	0.05224	115	81	29	5
838	I could operate, or I could kill your aura.	1.3390	0.05800	118	88	20	10
839	The anesthesiologist is running late.	1.3390	0.05674	118	87	22	9
840	This surgery does involve some risk.	1.3388	0.05321	121	87	27	7
841	The gown just keeps the board clean and tidy.	1.3387	0.05713	124	93	20	11
842	It can take several tests to pinpoint the problem.	1.3387	0.05357	124	90	26	8
843	This is how we establish trust.	1.3387	0.05107	124	88	30	6
844	I've had a lot of luck with this procedure so far.	1.3387	0.04706	124	85	36	3
845	Let's check your reflexes	1.3386	0.04901	127	89	33	5
846	It's to make the vasectomy less scary.	1.3386	0.05150	127	91	29	7
847	Surgery is as much art as it is science	1.3386	0.05270	127	92	27	8
848	You can see I have an excellent success rate.	1.3385	0.05186	130	94	28	8
849	You’ll never guess where I studied.	1.3385	0.05300	130	95	26	9
850	So, under your insurance plan, I have to do it blindfolded	1.3383	0.05737	133	102	17	14
851	This is a test to see how well you can hold your bladder.	1.3381	0.05162	139	102	27	10
852	Of course, in the operating room, we'll us a table.	1.3381	0.05060	139	101	29	9
853	As you can see,I am fully board certified.	1.3381	0.05162	139	102	27	10
854	It’s a vision test for me.	1.3380	0.05085	142	104	28	10
855	Any procedure has risks.	1.3380	0.04781	142	101	34	7
856	the next shot will be your vasectomy	1.3379	0.04915	145	105	31	9
857	How about if I take another stab at diagnosing your problem?	1.3378	0.05300	148	112	22	14
858	So, as you can see, this is a teaching hospital…	1.3377	0.04593	151	107	37	7
859	Don't worry, you won't feel a thing.	1.3377	0.05065	154	115	26	13
860	I believe in noninvasive procedures.	1.3376	0.04568	157	112	37	8
861	It's a double-blind study, so we both have to close our eyes.	1.3376	0.04995	157	117	27	13
862	The procedure is a little “hit or miss”.	1.3374	0.04623	163	118	35	10
863	A skill set I picked up in pre-med.	1.3364	0.05930	107	79	20	8
864	And that's how we know your anti-anxiety medication is working.	1.3364	0.05466	107	76	26	5
865	Well, ‘acupuncture’ may be a bit generous.	1.3364	0.05780	107	78	22	7
866	After your surgery, we had a little fun with you before you woke up.	1.3364	0.06221	107	81	16	10
867	It's part science, part art, and part karma.	1.3364	0.05816	110	81	21	8
868	I always like a little warmup before putting you "under the knife."	1.3364	0.05522	110	79	25	6
869	Perfect posture!	1.3364	0.05522	110	79	25	6
870	"Well every procedure carries some risk, we do provide an optional bindfold."	1.3364	0.05522	110	79	25	6
871	Allergy to any metals?	1.3363	0.05423	113	81	26	6
872	Ok, let’s try again.	1.3362	0.05865	116	87	19	10
873	Am I good? That was with my eyes shut.	1.3361	0.05240	119	85	28	6
874	This is our non-invasive approach	1.3361	0.04665	119	81	36	2
875	That cured his PTSD	1.3361	0.05374	119	86	26	7
876	No need to be nervous. A vasectomy is a relatively simple procedure.	1.3361	0.05505	119	87	24	8
877	Well, I guess we're going to have to take a stab at it!	1.3361	0.05505	119	87	24	8
878	My next throw has to go between the legs.	1.3361	0.05535	122	90	23	9
879	So you’ve gained some weight, but it’s not life threatening yet…	1.3361	0.05021	122	86	31	5
880	You're steady on your feet. That's a good sign.	1.3361	0.05284	122	88	27	7
881	Of course you could also just do a bit more exercise and make some slight changes your diet, but I think this is the least terrifying option	1.3361	0.05284	122	88	27	7
882	The odds of dying are one in thirteen…	1.3360	0.05321	125	91	26	8
883	For the last time: yes, this is a totally normal vasectomy procedure.	1.3359	0.05465	128	95	23	10
884	All done. Those hiccups won't be an issue any more.	1.3359	0.05116	128	92	29	7
885	This is the only stress test your insurance will cover.	1.3359	0.05351	128	94	25	9
886	Your chance of recovery is hit and miss.	1.3359	0.05153	131	95	28	8
887	Now let’s get to the heart of the problem.	1.3359	0.05038	131	94	30	7
888	My pre-med was Barnum and Bailey	1.3359	0.05694	131	100	18	13
889	Think of it like acupuncture	1.3359	0.05266	131	96	26	9
890	Don’t worry. I’m an even better surgeon.	1.3359	0.04799	131	92	34	5
891	You're almost done with the Twitter pre-employment physical.	1.3358	0.05184	134	98	27	9
892	I’ll give you something to take the edge off.	1.3358	0.04890	137	98	32	7
893	The lead vest is just a precaution.	1.3357	0.04713	140	99	35	6
894	This is our cutting edge treatment.	1.3357	0.05029	140	102	29	9
895	My other gig is a surgeon."	1.3357	0.04957	143	104	30	9
896	This treatment is not covered by insurance but is actually fairly inexpensive.	1.3357	0.04754	143	102	34	7
897	Sometimes this procedure is in-patient; sometimes it’s out-patient.	1.3356	0.04789	146	105	33	8
898	This will test both your reflexes and your heart rate...and it is fun, for me.	1.3333	0.05316	129	95	25	9
899	It's targeted therapy. I'm Board certified.	1.3333	0.05838	120	91	18	11
900	We refer to this as cutting edge research.	1.3333	0.05341	132	98	24	10
901	See, one can combine a hobby and profession	1.3333	0.05150	117	83	29	5
902	This should motivate you to keep your weight within our guidelines	1.3333	0.04861	138	99	32	7
903	Just one more, we call the standing circumcision.	1.3333	0.05328	111	79	27	5
904	The results are inconclusive. I'd like to bring in an axe-thrower.	1.3333	0.05634	126	95	20	11
905	Or, you could take Prozac.	1.3333	0.04796	162	120	30	12
906	This probably won't hurt much	1.3333	0.05237	114	81	28	5
907	Now you know why we give our patients an enema prior to the surgery.	1.3333	0.05404	126	93	24	9
908	I know it seems silly, but your insurance company requires this step before they’ll cover the procedure.	1.3333	0.04963	129	92	31	6
909	It's an experimental procedure.	1.3333	0.04927	120	84	32	4
910	I’ve only missed a few times!!	1.3333	0.05150	117	83	29	5
911	That’s how I biopsy your aura.	1.3333	0.05201	129	94	27	8
912	This is just for diagnostics. Then we spin you on a wheel for the actual operation.	1.3333	0.05248	123	89	27	7
913	I'm sorry, but this is all your current healthcare plan would cover.	1.3333	0.05006	132	95	30	7
914	I see your points!	1.3333	0.05694	117	87	21	9
915	Just think of it as intense acupuncture.	1.3333	0.05449	132	99	22	11
916	Either way, you won’t feel a thing.	1.3333	0.06002	105	78	19	8
917	In my experience,there is no reason to believe thirteen can’t be a lucky number	1.3333	0.05177	138	102	26	10
918	I like to think of it as a cutting-edge procedure.	1.3333	0.05040	126	90	30	6
919	All patients requesting to be conscious during the operation must first pass the Flinch Test.	1.3333	0.05554	132	100	20	12
920	Some might question my credentials	1.3333	0.05593	120	89	22	9
921	I trained at the Barnum & Bailey College of Medicine.	1.3333	0.05526	114	83	24	7
922	I think my accuracy gets a little flimsy when my patients don't pay up.	1.3333	0.05204	120	86	28	6
923	Come back next week for some blood work.	1.3333	0.04702	117	80	35	2
924	Actually this IS cutting edge medicine.	1.3333	0.05257	135	100	25	10
925	A lot of men were uncomfortable with the way we used to check bladder control.	1.3333	0.05771	111	82	21	8
926	Sure laparoscopic is less invasive, but where’s the showmanship?	1.3333	0.04999	141	103	29	9
927	You’re going to feel a slight pinch	1.3333	0.05201	129	94	27	8
928	Here’s an outline of the procedure for you…	1.3333	0.04912	126	89	32	5
929	Trust me, I never miss.	1.3333	0.05012	111	77	31	3
930	I haven't missed in a long time	1.3311	0.04577	151	108	36	7
931	Trust me. I took an on-line course in acupuncture. You’re going to feel great once I’m done.	1.3311	0.04925	148	109	29	10
932	We’re calling it Hack-you-puncture	1.3310	0.05184	145	109	24	12
933	Like I promised, you didn't feel a thing.	1.3309	0.04611	139	98	36	5
934	Don't worry. You fit the profile perfectly.	1.3309	0.04938	139	101	30	8
935	You know, I am a cutting edge surgeon!	1.3309	0.05344	139	105	22	12
936	The last patient was lucky.	1.3309	0.04722	139	99	34	6
937	I'm a psychiatrist, not a surgeon.	1.3309	0.05043	139	102	28	9
938	For this procedure, don't turn your head or cough.	1.3309	0.05328	136	102	23	11
939	If I miss, I slash your bill in half.	1.3308	0.05198	133	98	26	9
940	There are some potential side effects I should mention…	1.3308	0.05393	130	97	23	10
941	This next test is really more about me.	1.3308	0.05167	130	95	27	8
942	It's definitely a less invasive option.	1.3308	0.05051	130	94	29	7
943	This is really the best way to get rid of hiccups!	1.3308	0.05393	130	97	23	10
944	It's like X-rays. Just don't move.	1.3308	0.04809	130	92	33	5
945	It's a simple outpatient procedure.	1.3308	0.04554	130	90	37	3
946	As with all surgical procedures, there are some associated risk factors.	1.3308	0.05281	130	96	25	9
947	How about now? Are the palpitations better or worse?	1.3308	0.05051	130	94	29	7
948	Traditional surgery doesn’t seem so bad now, does it?	1.3307	0.05368	127	94	24	9
949	Try not to gain any weight this year. Next year could be dangerous	1.3307	0.04750	127	89	34	4
950	So I hear you'd like to donate your body to science.	1.3306	0.05213	124	90	27	7
951	That was from the double blind portion of the trial.	1.3306	0.05213	124	90	27	7
952	I’m generally more accurate when I do vasectomies.	1.3306	0.05458	124	92	23	9
953	If you can stand there for twelve throws, you don't need any kind of tranquilizer.	1.3306	0.04894	121	85	32	4
954	Don’t worry, it’s covered by your insurance.	1.3305	0.05903	118	90	17	11
955	That was a good warmup. Now I'm ready for your surgery.	1.3305	0.05523	118	87	23	8
956	If I miss you’ll be a TikTok sensation.	1.3305	0.06025	118	91	15	12
957	As you can see, my success rate is impeccable.	1.3305	0.05523	118	87	23	8
958	And here’s the zero deductible option…	1.3304	0.05757	115	86	20	9
959	Physician, magician, potato, potahto... do you want the assistant gig or not?	1.3304	0.05439	112	81	25	6
960	And to think I started at the carnival with just an apple.	1.3303	0.05383	109	78	26	5
961	I'm aiming to get clear margins, but you can never be certain.	1.3303	0.05057	109	76	30	3
962	It’s this or radiation. Your call.	1.3299	0.05623	97	69	24	4
963	Okay! Now let’s try a few with you in there.	1.3298	0.06307	94	70	17	7
964	This phase of the operation isn't technically necessary but it helps us unwind. Plus, you'll be out like a light.	1.3293	0.04746	164	122	30	12
965	Clean margins are my specialty.	1.3289	0.04989	149	111	27	11
966	It’s a hit or miss procedure.	1.3286	0.05311	140	106	22	12
967	It’s perfectly safe — just don’t turn your head or cough.	1.3286	0.04909	140	102	30	8
968	This time we need to go in.	1.3285	0.04981	137	100	29	8
969	We intend to surgically remove that negative energy that surrounds you.	1.3285	0.05394	137	104	21	12
970	Don’t worry Steve, this is why we practice.	1.3285	0.05192	137	102	25	10
971	Try not to move outside the silouette.	1.3284	0.05165	134	99	26	9
972	Why don't you step up here and we'll collect a stool sample.	1.3284	0.05378	134	101	22	11
973	Now let’s check your prostate.	1.3282	0.05247	131	97	25	9
974	As you can see, there’s not a lot of risk involved.	1.3280	0.04789	125	88	33	4
975	As you can see, I´m yet to miss.	1.3280	0.05301	125	92	25	8
976	And our parents said I’d never cut it as a surgeon.	1.3280	0.04922	125	89	31	5
977	Don’t move or this will cost you and arm and a leg.	1.3280	0.05421	125	93	23	9
978	See, you don't need surgery.	1.3280	0.04922	125	89	31	5
979	Would YOU like a blindfold too?	1.3279	0.05390	122	90	24	8
980	It is important you stand very still.	1.3279	0.04861	122	86	32	4
981	Our Group Practice best serves those able to stay within the lines.	1.3279	0.05390	122	90	24	8
982	Incessant hiccups? Step right up.	1.3279	0.05132	122	88	28	6
983	Any questions?	1.3279	0.04861	122	86	32	4
984	We have found that stand up surgery works well as long you don’t flinch.	1.3279	0.05132	122	88	28	6
985	The problem is you lack a magnetic personality.	1.3279	0.04861	122	86	32	4
986	As you can see, I have skills.	1.3277	0.05483	119	88	23	8
987	One more for the road?	1.3276	0.05162	116	83	28	5
988	You’re my first vasectomy.	1.3276	0.05445	116	85	24	7
989	I need to know you trust me.	1.3276	0.05714	116	87	20	9
990	Is there a reason it's been so long since your last visit?	1.3276	0.05970	116	89	16	11
991	'awww c'mon..there's only one left! now get back in there!'	1.3276	0.05445	116	85	24	7
992	Show me where it hurts.	1.3274	0.05250	113	81	27	5
993	It's our least invasive option.	1.3274	0.05250	113	81	27	5
994	Based on my experience, I'd say that your odds are twelve to one.	1.3273	0.05184	110	78	28	4
995	It can be a hit or miss proposition.	1.3273	0.05792	110	82	20	8
996	Of course, you'll be lying down for the actual procedure.	1.3273	0.05496	110	80	24	6
997	Well, that concludes your preauthorization process.	1.3273	0.05792	110	82	20	8
998	You know, I wasn't always a doctor.	1.3273	0.05496	110	80	24	6
999	Let's do a stress test.	1.3271	0.05599	107	78	23	6
1000	Hospitals are low on staff lately, so we've adapted our surgery options.	1.3267	0.05648	101	73	23	5
1001	I took a stab at your diagnosis and found you suffer from anxiety.	1.3265	0.04745	147	107	32	8
1002	You know what they say...it's called 'practicing medicine' for a reason.	1.3265	0.06115	98	73	18	7
1003	Yes, it does look impressive, but full disclosure, I was trying to remove a gallbladder.	1.3265	0.05213	147	112	22	13
1004	Stop me when it hurts.	1.3265	0.05184	98	68	28	2
1005	It’s ok, I won’t wear the blindfold for the operation.	1.3259	0.05133	135	100	26	9
1006	Your insurance covers one more knife throw.	1.3259	0.05239	135	101	24	10
1007	Everyone has two jobs these days.	1.3256	0.05181	129	95	26	8
1008	'Let's make your vasectomy more exciting!'	1.3256	0.05297	129	96	24	9
1009	It may seem unusual, but it's part of the mental health screening now required by your HMO.	1.3252	0.05353	123	91	24	8
1010	The new “cutting edge” technique I was telling you about	1.3252	0.05227	123	90	26	7
1011	Let's try the last knife now, just for the hell of it.	1.3252	0.05097	123	89	28	6
1012	Yes, we sterilize the knives between patients.	1.3252	0.05227	123	90	26	7
1013	The trick is to first throw the knives, then draw the outline.	1.3252	0.05227	123	90	26	7
1014	Fear is the new keto.	1.3252	0.05596	123	93	20	10
1015	It’s important to find a doctor you can trust.	1.3250	0.04903	120	85	31	4
1016	Well, yes. I suppose there is always a first time.	1.3250	0.05444	120	89	23	8
1017	As with any procedure, there's an element of risk.	1.3250	0.05044	120	86	29	5
1018	It’s a quick, convenient treatment for relieving constipation.	1.3250	0.05571	120	90	21	9
1019	As you can see, I am good with a knife.	1.3250	0.05444	120	89	23	8
1020	The procedure is completely safe.	1.3250	0.05181	120	87	27	6
1021	This is how I warmed up to get ready to operate on you !	1.3250	0.05314	120	88	25	7
1022	If you'd prefer, my colleague Dr Romanoff just down the hall does Russian Roulette.	1.3250	0.05314	120	88	25	7
1023	This is the best your healthcare plan offers.	1.3250	0.04903	120	85	31	4
1024	This next test is almost 100% accurate.	1.3248	0.05406	117	86	24	7
1025	This last one may hurt a little bit.	1.3248	0.05540	117	87	22	8
1026	So now we know your problem isn't in your aura. Please resume the position: I'm going to check your chakras.	1.3248	0.05540	117	87	22	8
1027	Let me outline the basics of your upcoming surgery.	1.3246	0.05212	114	82	27	5
1028	Yes, its a risky procedure, but if it works, the possibilities for dinner time conversations are endless.	1.3246	0.05777	114	86	19	9
1029	... And if I miss, BOTH your surgeries are on us.	1.3246	0.05910	114	87	17	10
1030	We’ll, at least it’s not colonoscopy.	1.3246	0.05359	114	83	25	6
1031	Your insurance has outlined a plan for you.	1.3246	0.05641	114	85	21	8
1032	Interns.	1.3246	0.05359	114	83	25	6
1033	I like to practice here before we go into the surgical suite.	1.3243	0.04984	111	78	30	3
1034	My methods are generally hit or miss.	1.3241	0.04979	145	108	27	10
1035	Sure it’s a bit unconventional, but we found that this is 500% more effective than a regular stress test.	1.3241	0.04882	145	107	29	9
1036	And they said dermatology was no fun	1.3241	0.05234	108	77	27	4
1037	Inconclusive. We need to run this test again.	1.3241	0.05555	108	79	23	6
1038	Thank you for entering our double blind clinical trial	1.3241	0.05708	108	80	21	7
1039	I'm even better on the inside.	1.3239	0.05246	142	108	22	12
1040	I am much better with my contacts in.	1.3239	0.04746	142	103	32	7
1041	Any questions before we begin?	1.3239	0.04952	142	105	28	9
1042	My mother always told me to have a backup career.”	1.3238	0.05327	105	75	26	4
1043	So, where did you feel the sharp pain?	1.3237	0.05025	139	103	27	9
1044	If you don't move, it won't hurt...	1.3233	0.04719	133	95	33	5
1045	Say hello to my misses.	1.3233	0.05179	133	99	25	9
1046	I went to med school on an axe-throwing scholarship.	1.3231	0.05591	130	100	18	12
1047	No problem Lot's of my patients have had some initial difficult providing a urine sample	1.3231	0.05262	130	97	24	9
1048	And now let's do a little test of your anal sphincter.	1.3229	0.05829	96	70	21	5
1049	Only one place for me to throw this last knife."	1.3228	0.04985	127	92	29	6
1050	It’s precision before the incision.	1.3228	0.05230	127	94	25	8
1051	Your heart rate was higher than usual but the blood test came back negative.	1.3226	0.05438	124	93	22	9
1052	How's your insurance?	1.3226	0.06334	93	70	16	7
1053	If I miss you, we operate; if I don't, we operate. Deal?	1.3226	0.06334	93	70	16	7
1054	It may not be the best way to test your reflexes, but your insurance covers it.	1.3226	0.05674	124	95	18	11
1055	Your weight loss may have added years to your life	1.3226	0.04797	124	88	32	4
1056	Or, you could finally agree to undergo the colonoscopy I’ve been recommending all these years!	1.3223	0.05532	121	91	21	9
1057	You get where this is going, right?	1.3223	0.05277	121	89	25	7
1058	Are you superstitious?	1.3220	0.05367	118	87	24	7
1059	One to go.	1.3220	0.05090	118	85	28	5
1060	If we don’t cure it at least we scare the crap out if it…	1.3220	0.05630	118	89	20	9
1061	They say I’m the best. Do you have an apple on you?	1.3220	0.05500	118	88	22	8
1062	It tests your fear response and my degree of intoxication.	1.3220	0.05500	118	88	22	8
1063	Your initial stress test was inconclusive.	1.3217	0.05599	115	86	21	8
1064	This time with your legs and arms spread, Mr. Vitruvius.	1.3217	0.05461	115	85	23	7
1065	Do you prefer anesthesia or a blindfold?	1.3217	0.05024	115	82	29	4
1066	So…that’ll be $10,000	1.3217	0.05461	115	85	23	7
1067	If there isn't some risk involved, it isn't a real treatment	1.3217	0.05461	115	85	23	7
1068	Have you been circumcised?	1.3217	0.05119	143	108	24	11
1069	No need to worry, I took the Hippocratic Oath.	1.3214	0.05107	112	80	28	4
1070	Under the knife is an old idea.	1.3214	0.05413	112	82	24	6
1071	Of course, you can't see my misses.	1.3214	0.05842	112	85	18	9
1072	All we have left to do is measure the in-seam.	1.3211	0.05812	109	82	19	8
1073	We don't use the term "Bullseye."	1.3211	0.05956	109	83	17	9
1074	This really helps me relax before surgery.	1.3209	0.04808	134	97	31	6
1075	No worries, as you can see I’m 100% successful with outlines of patients drawn on plywood. A real person should be no different.	1.3209	0.05254	134	101	23	10
1076	Is this covered by insurance?	1.3208	0.05286	106	76	26	4
1077	We've been throwing everything we have at it, but we still don't know what your problem is.	1.3208	0.05453	106	77	24	5
1078	Don't worry, you shouldn't feel a thing.	1.3208	0.05773	106	79	20	7
1079	Being a surgeon and my true passion pretty much go hand in hand.	1.3206	0.04998	131	96	28	7
1080	Have you heard of targeted medicine?	1.3204	0.05556	103	75	23	5
1081	If you fall within the parameters of normal, you don't need to worry.	1.3204	0.05888	103	77	19	7
1082	No. This test is not covered by insurance.	1.3204	0.05382	103	74	25	4
1083	Relax. I'm good with a knife.	1.3204	0.05556	103	75	23	5
1084	Next to magic, hiccup mitigation is my specialty.	1.3203	0.05312	128	96	23	9
1085	You see? No need to worry!	1.3203	0.05195	128	95	25	8
1086	I have a 97% success rate	1.3203	0.05312	128	96	23	9
1087	It was actually an honorary doctorate degree from Coney Island.	1.3203	0.05312	128	96	23	9
1088	How familiar are you with ‘survivorship bias’?	1.3203	0.05312	128	96	23	9
1089	This is the only procedure your insurance will cover, but I’ve been practicing!	1.3200	0.05029	125	91	28	6
1090	Of course, all you're seeing here are my misses.	1.3200	0.05156	125	92	26	7
1091	Your insurance classifies this as a carve-out	1.3200	0.06010	100	75	18	7
1092	It's cutting edge.	1.3200	0.05664	100	73	22	5
1093	This is a pre-op requirement by my malpractice insurance	1.3200	0.04899	125	90	30	5
1094	It's our last resort treatment for constipation.	1.3200	0.05664	100	73	22	5
1095	Well it's cheaper than an MRI	1.3197	0.05492	122	92	21	9
1096	We find the phrase 'to go under the knife' to be a little outdated.	1.3197	0.05368	122	91	23	8
1097	No, not FDA approved yet, but preliminary studies indicate it's a highly effective weight loss motivator	1.3196	0.05778	97	71	21	5
1098	It’s a kind of hit or miss therapy.	1.3193	0.05460	119	89	22	8
1099	No, I can’t give you the names of my other patients ..	1.3191	0.04964	141	105	27	9
1100	Ready for your vasectomy?	1.3190	0.05281	116	85	25	6
1101	I also do circumcisions.	1.3190	0.05137	116	84	27	5
1102	My treatment is guaranteed to improve your posture.	1.3188	0.05037	138	103	26	9
1103	'C'mon . . . double or nothin' . . ."	1.3186	0.05518	113	84	22	7
1104	"Would you mind giving me one more shot at the appendix?"	1.3186	0.05518	113	84	22	7
1105	With or without the gown. Your choice.	1.3186	0.05932	113	87	16	10
1106	We take both health and life insurance.	1.3186	0.05373	113	83	24	6
1107	I just need to check your reflexes.	1.3185	0.04541	135	96	35	4
1108	You always told mom you wanted to be in the circus.	1.3185	0.04893	135	99	29	7
1109	This is the imaging your insurance covers.	1.3182	0.05620	110	82	21	7
1110	I specialize in non-invasive surgery.	1.3182	0.05766	110	83	19	8
1111	Now, can I get you to sign the informed consent?	1.3182	0.05314	110	80	25	5
1112	It was medicine or knife-throwing. Then I thought, why not both?	1.3182	0.05469	110	81	23	6
1113	Dont worry Mr Smith, I have one more idea to get rid of those hiccups.	1.3182	0.06185	110	86	13	11
1114	You see, this is a perfectly safe procedure.	1.3182	0.05469	110	81	23	6
1115	It’s minimally invasive.	1.3182	0.04848	132	96	30	6
1116	It's a simple non-invasive test for IBS.	1.3182	0.05620	110	82	21	7
1117	It’s easier if you face the board.	1.3182	0.04727	132	95	32	5
1118	Who referred you to my practice?	1.3182	0.05469	110	81	23	6
1119	Don't worry. You'll be anesthetized	1.3178	0.05501	129	99	19	11
1120	The procedure is based on some cutting edge research.	1.3178	0.05276	129	97	23	9
1121	One more attempt?	1.3178	0.04920	129	94	29	6
1122	As you can see, my specialty is in non-invasive surgery.	1.3178	0.05245	107	77	26	4
1123	Side effects can include death.	1.3175	0.05243	126	94	24	8
1124	You'll be my first attempt at a "between-the-legs" throw.	1.3173	0.05997	104	79	17	8
1125	This is our least invasive and cheapest surgery.	1.3173	0.05511	104	76	23	5
1126	It’s a new take on the stress test. Like a treadmill could ever tell us anything?	1.3171	0.04941	123	89	29	5
1127	Now that I'm warmed up, let's do the prostatectomy.	1.3171	0.05454	123	93	21	9
1128	I think we’re ready to take that appendix out now.	1.3171	0.05204	123	91	25	7
1129	Diagnosing is all about throwing things at the wall and seeing what sticks.	1.3168	0.05437	101	73	24	4
1130	This procedure will cost you an arm and a leg.	1.3168	0.05790	101	75	20	6
1131	My wife says I have issues with personal boundaries.	1.3168	0.05617	101	74	22	5
1132	Unfortunately, the surgery was unsuccessful	1.3168	0.05959	101	76	18	7
1133	By the time therapy is complete that blocked urinary tract should be functioning just fine!	1.3167	0.05421	120	90	22	8
1134	So you're here for your thirteenth opinion?	1.3167	0.04877	120	86	30	4
1135	This hobby and a simple hiccup is what eventually got me interested in surgery.	1.3162	0.04953	117	84	29	4
1136	100% success rate	1.3162	0.05100	117	85	27	5
1137	You have one knife left. Care to gamble?	1.3162	0.05081	136	102	25	9
1138	Nurse Bobbitt will see you now for your prostate exam.	1.3162	0.04973	136	101	27	8
1139	I attended the PT Barnum School of Medicine.	1.3162	0.04973	136	101	27	8
1140	This is the part of your exam where we test your anxiety level.	1.3162	0.05081	136	102	25	9
1141	you see,you've got nothing to worry about	1.3162	0.04862	136	100	29	7
1142	Would you like a local anesthetic?	1.3158	0.05886	114	88	16	10
1143	First we'll do my eye test.	1.3158	0.05033	114	82	28	4
1144	There are some minor risks with this procedure.	1.3158	0.05847	95	70	20	5
1145	The chances for success are slim, but let’s take a stab at it.	1.3158	0.05160	133	100	24	9
1146	And I don’t even need malpractice insurance to do this	1.3158	0.05160	133	100	24	9
1147	Well, Richard, it’s time for your vasectomy.	1.3158	0.04817	133	97	30	6
1148	Patients actually prefer the more invasive procedure	1.3154	0.05126	130	97	25	8
1149	pull up your drape and standup against the wall---I only have one throw left and I feel very lucky this morning!	1.3154	0.05126	130	97	25	8
1150	Good news,Mr. Katz. Your stress test results appear normal.	1.3153	0.05862	111	85	17	9
1151	You might feel a slight pinch.	1.3153	0.05116	111	80	27	4
1152	Your insurance might not cover this.	1.3153	0.05721	111	84	19	8
1153	We’ll do a trial of targeted therapy	1.3153	0.05576	111	83	21	7
1154	I told you losing some weight would benefit you.	1.3153	0.05427	111	82	23	6
1155	Granted, it’s not the traditional way of removing a mole.	1.3150	0.04835	127	92	30	5
1156	Before this method, vasectomies were just too routine for me.	1.3148	0.05368	108	79	24	5
1157	Your plan probably covers this.	1.3148	0.05204	108	78	26	4
1158	See, you can trust me.	1.3148	0.05035	108	77	28	3
1159	Stop complaining, Mom told us both to go to medical school.	1.3148	0.05681	108	81	20	7
1160	I always hone my skills before vasectomies	1.3148	0.05368	108	79	24	5
1161	Now, I am also doing appendicitis.	1.3146	0.06510	89	68	14	7
1162	It's just a little hobby to calm myself before surgeries.	1.3146	0.06105	89	66	18	5
1163	Not bad for a proctologist.	1.3145	0.05168	124	92	25	7
1164	It’s what we call a can’t miss procedure.	1.3145	0.05039	124	91	27	6
1165	I must confess, in my line of work we’re actually supposed to hit the body with it.	1.3145	0.04908	124	90	29	5
1166	And now you can breathe out.	1.3145	0.04908	124	90	29	5
1167	Yes, this is a teaching hospital. The freshman knife throwing class was in here last.	1.3143	0.04764	140	103	30	7
1168	Anywhere against the board's OK.	1.3143	0.05276	140	108	20	12
1169	And believe it or not,this treatment is covered by most HMOs !	1.3139	0.04605	137	99	33	5
1170	There is still a spot between your legs!	1.3137	0.06382	102	80	12	10
1171	So far I'm batting 100 per cent.	1.3137	0.05020	102	72	28	2
1172	Surgery can be hit or miss.	1.3137	0.05393	102	74	24	4
1173	Great, I think I'm warmed up now.	1.3136	0.05205	118	87	25	6
1174	Sir, this is cutting-edge technology…	1.3134	0.05016	134	100	26	8
1175	Yes, your aura-ectomy went very well.	1.3134	0.05016	134	100	26	8
1176	It works best when you assume the worst.	1.3131	0.05304	99	71	25	3
1177	It's not an exact science.	1.3130	0.05435	115	86	22	7
1178	Most effective treatment we have for constipation .	1.3130	0.05709	115	88	18	9
1179	The least invasive procedure doesn’t appear to be working.	1.3130	0.05293	115	85	24	6
1180	Trust me, I always miss.	1.3130	0.04857	131	96	29	6
1181	The ones that land inside the outline don't leave marks.	1.3130	0.05428	131	101	19	11
1182	and then the flamethrower cauterizes the wound.	1.3129	0.05090	147	113	22	12
1183	Would you like a blindfold?	1.3125	0.05533	112	84	21	7
1184	Don't worry, we're more accurate when the patient is three dimensional.	1.3125	0.05602	96	70	22	4
1185	Time for the stress test. Our treadmill is on the fritz.	1.3125	0.05795	96	71	20	5
1186	As you see, my bypass rates are very good.	1.3125	0.05234	112	82	25	5
1187	I'm afraid that you haven't gotten the point.	1.3125	0.05602	96	70	22	4
1188	We'll adjust your meds based oh how you handle stress. It only takes a minute	1.3125	0.05533	112	84	21	7
1189	Now do you trust that I’m good with a scalpel?	1.3125	0.04929	128	94	28	6
1190	You're my first vasectomy as a circus performer.	1.3120	0.05133	125	93	25	7
1191	I'd like to redo the procedure to make sure we didn't miss anything.	1.3120	0.04875	125	91	29	5
1192	It's important that you trust your surgeon.	1.3120	0.05005	125	92	27	6
1193	Just a little warm-up exercise before performing your open heart surgery...	1.3120	0.05005	125	92	27	6
1194	As your twin brother are you sure you trust me on this	1.3120	0.04740	125	90	31	4
1195	You did well on the startle test.	1.3119	0.04824	109	77	30	2
1196	No, this procedure is not covered by medicare.	1.3119	0.05326	109	80	24	5
1197	They don't call me Steady Freddy for nothing.	1.3119	0.05483	109	81	22	6
1198	To improve their confidence before surgery, I like to show my patients my skills with a knife. Go stand there.	1.3118	0.05508	93	67	23	3
1199	I put all my patients under the knife.	1.3115	0.05216	122	91	24	7
1200	So ask yourself... are ya feeling lucky!	1.3115	0.05470	122	93	20	9
1201	Your insurance doesn’t cover the wheel.	1.3115	0.05344	122	92	22	8
1202	Laxatives are for cowards.	1.3115	0.05085	122	90	26	6
1203	my patients stay really motivated to lose weight, Mr. Jones	1.3115	0.05470	122	93	20	9
1204	You do realize that this surgery carries some risks	1.3115	0.05085	122	90	26	6
1205	'You can see I use cutting-edge technology."	1.3115	0.05344	122	92	22	8
1206	If you weren’t my twin brother, I’d suspect something fishy here.	1.3115	0.05216	122	91	24	7
1207	You don't have anything to worry about. I'm even better with a scalpel.	1.3113	0.05080	106	76	27	3
1208	# Pay your bill.	1.3113	0.05586	106	79	21	6
1209	I’ll also prescribe you some painkillers to treat any stabbing pain you might suffer.	1.3113	0.05423	106	78	23	5
1210	They'll have to give me my license back when they see this one.	1.3111	0.06047	90	67	18	5
1211	Now put an apple on your head, and we're good to go.	1.3111	0.06250	90	68	16	6
1212	Why don’t you let me take a stab at it?	1.3109	0.05167	119	88	25	6
1213	It’s why they call it the practice of surgery.	1.3107	0.05694	103	77	20	6
1214	So, I’ve narrowed the problem to somewhere within this area.	1.3107	0.05858	103	78	18	7
1215	I still don't have a diagnosis, but let me take one more stab at it.	1.3107	0.05349	103	75	24	4
1216	I'd say your odds are about even.	1.3106	0.04451	132	94	35	3
1217	Unfortunately, your insurance doesn’t cover the blindfold	1.3106	0.04825	132	97	29	6
1218	Trust the process.	1.3103	0.05110	116	85	26	5
1219	I’ll be in and out in no time.	1.3103	0.04961	116	84	28	4
1220	This is not what I meant when I agreed to go under the knife.	1.3103	0.05532	116	88	20	8
1221	Trust me, this works much better than acupuncture.	1.3103	0.06185	87	65	17	5
1222	Once you sign the Consent Form and the Financial Agreement, you can approach the procedure with complete confidence that you will probably survive with only minor side effects that may include pain, infection, nausea, heart attack, or even death.	1.3103	0.05666	116	89	18	9
1223	Your HMO won't cover stents, but stunts are on the house	1.3103	0.05797	116	90	16	10
1224	Those are your options for full insurance coverage.	1.3101	0.05369	129	99	20	10
1225	I like to add a little showmanship to an otherwise tedious circumcision procedure.	1.3100	0.06146	100	77	15	8
1226	They said, With an arm like that you could be throwing strikes for the Yankees. I chose thoracic surgery instead.	1.3097	0.05195	113	83	25	5
1227	Let's see a virtual doctor do that.	1.3097	0.05491	113	85	21	7
1228	Any questions about the procedure?	1.3097	0.05345	113	84	23	6
1229	Around the fifth knife, you should not be constipated anymore.	1.3097	0.05907	113	88	15	10
1230	It's a routine procedure.	1.3097	0.04537	155	115	32	8
1231	I would've sworn he was right there.	1.3093	0.05152	97	69	26	2
1232	The new stress test designed by the same guy who did our patient portal.	1.3091	0.05592	110	83	20	7
1233	Try to think of something else…	1.3091	0.05125	110	80	26	4
1234	I studied acupuncture at Le Cordon Bleu.	1.3091	0.05441	110	82	22	6
1235	We don’t bill for the misses; otherwise we would be audited for unnecessary surgery.	1.3089	0.04637	123	88	32	3
1236	I learned this technique while working at Coney Island Hospital.	1.3089	0.05180	123	92	24	7
1237	The first cut is the deepest.	1.3089	0.05049	123	91	26	6
1238	Your new medical plan does not cover invasive procedures.	1.3089	0.05307	123	93	22	8
1239	Great incentive to lose the weight	1.3089	0.05671	123	96	16	11
1240	This is how I warm up prior to your actual surgery.	1.3085	0.05863	94	70	19	5
1241	Don't worry ... it helps me relax before surgery.	1.3085	0.05665	94	69	21	4
1242	Ok you will need to take off the robe for the last one and turn your head and cough	1.3085	0.06422	94	73	13	8
1243	... but it's on the operating table that the magic truly happens.	1.3085	0.05459	94	68	23	3
1244	There is just one more we have to place	1.3084	0.05213	107	78	25	4
1245	It's a non-invasive procedure called acu-non-puncture... usually anyway.	1.3084	0.05213	107	78	25	4
1246	This is a stress test combined with an occasional blood draw.	1.3084	0.05698	107	81	19	7
1247	I can do this with my eyes closed.	1.3084	0.05041	107	77	27	3
1248	Time to test your reflexes.	1.3084	0.05379	107	79	23	5
1249	You should not worry about the co-pay	1.3083	0.05265	120	90	23	7
1250	You may feel a sudden sharp pain but that is rare	1.3083	0.05131	120	89	25	6
1251	You see? Nothing to worry about.	1.3083	0.04992	120	88	27	5
1252	See? Nothing to be afraid of... Now go and stand there while I throw this last one.	1.3083	0.05397	120	91	21	8
1253	You'll need a podiatrist for the feet.	1.3083	0.04674	133	97	31	5
1254	Would a demonstration of my skills help you decide?	1.3077	0.05073	117	86	26	5
1255	It's the vasectomies that get tricky	1.3077	0.04925	117	85	28	4
1256	This procedure should jolt your sluggish adrenal system.	1.3077	0.05491	117	89	20	8
1257	We’ve never lost an outline.	1.3077	0.05479	104	77	22	5
1258	It really is minimally invasive.	1.3077	0.05567	91	66	22	3
1259	I’ve got one more. Assume the position.	1.3077	0.05104	130	98	24	8
1260	Don't worry, your HMO's got you covered.	1.3077	0.05306	104	76	24	4
1261	I find vasectomies more interesting this way.	1.3077	0.05104	130	98	24	8
1262	As you see, the last patient kept calm	1.3077	0.05647	104	78	20	6
1263	My last patient managed to get only side effects.	1.3077	0.05073	117	86	26	5
1264	Malpractice makes malperfect.	1.3077	0.05073	117	86	26	5
1265	Don’t worry, I am much better in surgery.	1.3077	0.04783	143	107	28	8
1266	You realize, this is only a rough outline.	1.3077	0.05355	117	88	22	7
1267	Don't worry. I have plenty of practice.	1.3077	0.04749	104	73	30	1
1268	The latest in cutting edge surgical technique!	1.3077	0.05647	104	78	20	6
1269	I haven't needed to order any blood transfusions yet.	1.3077	0.04454	117	82	34	1
1270	Stabbing pains can be a cau…er, symptom.	1.3077	0.05990	91	68	18	5
1271	0 for 12.	1.3077	0.05491	117	89	20	8
1272	As you can see, it’s totally safe and really helps us measure your stress tolerance.	1.3071	0.05063	127	95	25	7
1273	Be happy I 'm not the resident.	1.3071	0.05063	127	95	25	7
1274	I cannot emphasize enough how important it is to remain still during this procedure.	1.3070	0.05590	114	87	19	8
1275	As you can see, 'minimally invasive' is a bit of an understatement.	1.3070	0.04846	114	82	29	3
1276	I did my residency at a carnival midway.	1.3070	0.05449	114	86	21	7
1277	As you can see, I'm pretty good at this.	1.3069	0.05583	101	75	21	5
1278	Of course there are no marks from when you hit the guy	1.3069	0.06092	101	78	15	8
1279	They say accuracy with a throwing knife won't translate to delicate surgery, but let's get in there and prove them all wrong!	1.3069	0.05758	101	76	19	6
1280	It looks like we got clean margins.	1.3069	0.05927	101	77	17	7
1281	A second opinion will only get you flaming chainsaws.	1.3069	0.05583	101	75	21	5
1282	Correct. There's no mark on the wall when that happens.	1.3068	0.05907	88	65	19	4
1283	'This is not what I had in mind when I said take a stab at the diagnosis.'	1.3065	0.04746	124	90	30	4
1284	You passed the reflex test. Now let's see how well you stand still.	1.3063	0.05086	111	81	26	4
1285	We’re out of apples.	1.3063	0.05694	111	85	18	8
1286	What part of my recommendation that you go under the knife did you not understand.	1.3063	0.05548	111	84	20	7
1287	I worked my way through med school as a knife thrower.	1.3063	0.05086	111	81	26	4
1288	Surgery is always a bit hit or miss.	1.3063	0.05086	111	81	26	4
1289	The advance directive is solely a precaution…	1.3063	0.05399	111	83	22	6
1290	Scary? Ha, you should see the game the proctologists play.	1.3061	0.05876	98	74	18	6
1291	All 13 knives for one low price. Plus, if you order today, we'll include a lifetime supply of Bandaids.	1.3061	0.05876	98	74	18	6
1292	Last one between the legs?	1.3061	0.05694	98	73	20	5
1293	I have good news and bad news	1.3061	0.05506	98	72	22	4
1294	Exploratory surgery is rather hit-or-miss.	1.3060	0.04881	134	100	27	7
1295	This last knife will go where I will be operating on you.	1.3058	0.04958	121	89	27	5
1296	Well yes, medically-speaking, the mole is still on your body.	1.3058	0.04817	121	88	29	4
1297	Last but not least-- circumcision.	1.3058	0.05358	121	92	21	8
1298	This may not hurt at all.	1.3058	0.04671	121	87	31	3
1299	This will help you lose weight.	1.3056	0.05172	108	79	25	4
1300	The health insurance company denied coverage for a cardiac stress test. They suggest this lower cost alternative instead…	1.3053	0.05071	131	99	24	8
1301	This is the only test for the nervous system covered by your insurance	1.3053	0.04953	131	98	26	7
1302	Past performance is no guaranty of future results.	1.3053	0.04980	95	67	27	1
1303	I call it my 'do you trust your doctor'? game. Cool, huh?	1.3051	0.04890	118	86	28	4
1304	Now, you trust me to do the operation?	1.3051	0.04890	118	86	28	4
1305	Clearly the work of an amateur	1.3048	0.05263	105	77	24	4
1306	And you don't have to worry about any more children.	1.3048	0.05086	105	76	26	3
1307	Never lost a patient yet.	1.3048	0.05434	105	78	22	5
1308	What can I say? Med school was a real circus.	1.3048	0.05918	105	81	16	8
1309	Most are cured with only a single session	1.3048	0.05918	105	81	16	8
1310	I developed my technique under doctors Barnum and Bailey	1.3048	0.05086	105	76	26	3
1311	So why did I need to take off my pants?	1.3048	0.05600	105	79	20	6
1312	Let's see if 13 is indeed an unlucky number.	1.3047	0.05497	128	100	17	11
1313	Okay, let's try one more time.	1.3047	0.04905	128	95	27	6
1314	The results are still inconclusive — let’s keep throwing some things at it.	1.3047	0.05150	128	97	23	8
1315	They saw you in half in the next room.	1.3047	0.04905	128	95	27	6
1316	The surgeon has COVID so he's working remotely.	1.3043	0.05934	92	69	18	5
1317	There, you see? perfectly safe.	1.3043	0.05934	92	69	18	5
1318	No worries..this isn’t brain surgery, more like darts - with consequences	1.3043	0.05265	115	86	23	6
1319	Oh, just ignore that. It's nothing.	1.3043	0.06132	92	70	16	6
1320	Don't worry. This won't be just another hatchet job.	1.3043	0.05729	92	68	20	4
1321	Some prefer laparoscopic or robotic. I’m more of, what you might call, an analog guy.	1.3043	0.05816	115	90	15	10
1322	We’re gonna practice staying still for the MRI machine.	1.3043	0.05729	92	68	20	4
1323	There are no guarantees, but plenty of applause!	1.3041	0.04857	148	113	25	10
1324	Obviously I won't be wearing the blindfolds during your procedure.	1.3040	0.05108	125	94	24	7
1325	Before you stand up there again,let me ask you if you are circumcised?	1.3039	0.05709	102	77	19	6
1326	It’s still an experimental therapy.	1.3039	0.05358	102	75	23	4
1327	Your plan doesn't cover acupuncture. This is approximatepuncture.	1.3036	0.05505	112	85	20	7
1328	Think of it like an open MRI.	1.3036	0.05649	112	86	18	8
1329	Cure you? I'll take a stab at it.	1.3036	0.05357	112	84	22	6
1330	As you can see, I've done no harm.	1.3036	0.05357	112	84	22	6
1331	The hardest part is the anticipation	1.3036	0.05505	112	85	20	7
1332	It’s a cutting edge technique.	1.3036	0.05048	112	82	26	4
1333	Yeah, the gown is just precautionary.	1.3036	0.05048	112	82	26	4
1334	It's a conceptual art piece my twin brother bought for me, entitled 'The Thirteenth Knife.'	1.3036	0.05649	112	86	18	8
1335	I told you I had superb knife skills.	1.3036	0.05048	112	82	26	4
1336	He's in a really good mood today.	1.3034	0.06065	89	67	17	5
1337	It’s a fear-based treatment. We find that it cuts down on return visits by 90%!	1.3033	0.05191	122	92	23	7
1338	You, however, will be under the knife.	1.3030	0.05824	99	75	18	6
1339	I’ve done this, literally, dozens of times.	1.3030	0.04680	132	97	30	5
1340	Truly a cutting-edge procedure	1.3030	0.05644	99	74	20	5
1341	I like to think I'm putting the fun back into surgery.	1.3028	0.05453	109	82	21	6
1342	I like to call it non-invasive surgery.	1.3028	0.05756	109	84	17	8
1343	I have one more option I'd like to try.	1.3028	0.04964	109	79	27	3
1344	Are you ready for your follow up?	1.3028	0.05132	109	80	25	4
1345	That's as close as I can get given your insurance.	1.3025	0.05277	119	90	22	7
1346	Now that I'm warmed up, let's see what's going on with that gallbladder!	1.3025	0.05277	119	90	22	7
1347	We use cutting edge techniques	1.3025	0.04707	119	86	30	3
1348	You'll never guess where this one stuck.	1.3025	0.04707	119	86	30	3
1349	You have nothing to worry about,it'll just be a small incision.	1.3023	0.05980	86	64	18	4
1350	Keeps me in practice.	1.3023	0.06421	86	66	14	6
1351	So far all the tests are negative, but in this case that’s actually a good thing	1.3023	0.05503	86	62	22	2
1352	Don't worry. This is an outpatient procedure.	1.3021	0.05565	96	71	21	4
1353	Don't worry, it's very routine.	1.3021	0.05565	96	71	21	4
1354	It's important to make an outcision before you make an incision.	1.3021	0.05155	96	69	25	2
1355	I worked my way through medical school on the carnival circuit.	1.3019	0.05221	106	78	24	4
1356	If I can’t get a diagnosis after this, I’ll have to refer you to my surgery colleagues.	1.3019	0.05221	106	78	24	4
1357	I took it up during the pandemic.	1.3019	0.05046	106	77	26	3
1358	If you're in the placebo group, you have nothing to worry about.	1.3019	0.05390	106	79	22	5
1359	Now, on to your vasectomy.	1.3019	0.05714	106	81	18	7
1360	I promise I’m more accurate when it’s an actual person.	1.3019	0.05221	106	78	24	4
1361	Testing methods can be hit or miss.	1.3017	0.04931	116	85	27	4
1362	I got my medical degree at Harvard, but specialized in general surgery with the Ringling Brothers.	1.3015	0.05040	136	104	23	9
1363	Now lay down and let me saw you in half.	1.3011	0.06074	93	71	16	6
1364	See? Not a single incision	1.3011	0.05467	93	68	22	3
1365	Reflexes seem fine	1.3011	0.05879	93	70	18	5
1366	See, the challenge here is to positively stay outside the lines.	1.3011	0.05879	93	70	18	5
1367	I'm that rare doctor that IS a magician.	1.3011	0.06264	93	72	14	7
1368	We felt the same way about Covid - hit or miss?	1.3010	0.06145	103	81	13	9
1369	No, there’s no need to make a fist while I draw some blood.	1.3010	0.04943	103	74	27	2
1370	Ready for your circumcision?	1.3010	0.05314	103	76	23	4
1371	I'm not sure I'm really cut out for life outside of the circus.	1.3010	0.05490	103	77	21	5
1372	Just be glad we don’t have to saw you in half.	1.3010	0.05490	103	77	21	5
1373	I’ll be honest, after it’s over, some patients have needed a hand or two.”	1.3010	0.05988	103	80	15	8
1374	It’s how I perfected my surgical skills. So relax	1.3010	0.05490	103	77	21	5
1375	See, this won't hurt at all	1.3010	0.05661	103	78	19	6
1376	Ok,how about you give me one try and then we can do the vasectomy the old-fashioned way	1.3010	0.05490	103	77	21	5
1377	You will want to keep your eyes closed for this test.	1.3010	0.05827	103	79	17	7
1378	Your insurance might not cover this procedure.	1.3010	0.05490	103	77	21	5
1379	Survivor bias tells us that 100% of people survive when the knife misses them.	1.3010	0.05132	103	75	25	3
1380	At your age, are you still sure you want a circumcision?	1.3009	0.05316	113	85	22	6
1381	Next, I’ll have you go to the wall for a series of stress tests.	1.3009	0.05316	113	85	22	6
1382	Before you go under the knife I thought we'd have a little fun	1.3009	0.05010	113	83	26	4
1383	Oh, I see…it’s hilarious when Penn and Tellerdoes this… but Dr. Murray Menkman does it once and it’s “malpractice”	1.3009	0.05606	113	87	18	8
1384	On average, my operations are a success.	1.3009	0.05010	113	83	26	4
1385	Trust me, this is cutting edge medical testing technology.	1.3009	0.05463	113	86	20	7
1386	Consistency is good!	1.3009	0.05606	113	87	18	8
1387	Have you signed the liability waiver?	1.3009	0.05166	113	84	24	5
1388	This is intended to illustrate the importance of remaining perfectly still during the procedure.	1.3008	0.04751	123	90	29	4
1389	So, you're okay now with this operation? See how accurate I am?	1.3008	0.05282	123	94	21	8
1390	These are not the results I was hoping for	1.3008	0.05024	123	92	25	6
1391	We haven't quite pinpointed the problem.	1.3008	0.04889	133	100	26	7
1392	I’m a graduate of the Jackson Pollock School of Orthopedics.	1.3008	0.04771	133	99	28	6
1393	It's a double blind clinical trial. Want to join?	1.3008	0.05227	133	103	20	10
1394	Don’t worry. I could do this blindfolded.	1.3000	0.05412	100	74	22	4
1395	The procedure is minimally invasive, as you can see.	1.3000	0.05093	110	81	25	4
1396	If you make it, you win the complete set!	1.3000	0.05412	100	74	22	4
1397	Don't worry, we let our other surgeon go.	1.3000	0.05254	110	82	23	5
1398	You've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel lucky?' Well, do you, punk?	1.3000	0.05411	110	83	21	6
1399	I show this to all my patients who ask if l have good eyesight and a steady hand.	1.3000	0.05411	110	83	21	6
1400	You see I’m board certified.	1.3000	0.06007	90	68	17	5
1401	It is our new and improved stress test.	1.3000	0.04965	120	89	26	5
1402	With those eyebrows and as you already have lost your right arm, you're chances of success are, ooh, 15-20% better, I'd guess"	1.3000	0.05563	110	84	19	7
1403	We found the cause of the stabbing pain.	1.3000	0.05774	100	76	18	6
1404	So you see there's no need to worry, we're well trained here at Barnum & Bailey medical center.	1.3000	0.05596	100	75	20	5
1405	I can perform this procedure blindfolded...	1.3000	0.06007	90	68	17	5
1406	It's not called "throwing" it's surgery.	1.3000	0.05411	110	83	21	6
1407	I see you've had some close calls.	1.3000	0.05254	110	82	23	5
1408	My heart just isn’t in it.	1.3000	0.05774	100	76	18	6
1409	See? You’ll be perfectly fine	1.3000	0.04965	120	89	26	5
1410	We do this on an outpatient basis.	1.2992	0.04516	127	92	32	3
1411	As with any procedure, there’s always a small risk of bleeding afterwards.	1.2991	0.05728	117	92	15	10
1412	You can stand forward or backward.	1.2991	0.05044	117	87	25	5
1413	It's how I test of the strength of your prostate.	1.2991	0.05328	117	89	21	7
1414	Now,imagine what I can do with a scalpel.	1.2991	0.05188	117	88	23	6
1415	So you’re a practicing surgeon?!	1.2991	0.05598	117	91	17	9
1416	Mom didn't want twins.	1.2991	0.05510	107	81	20	6
1417	Now can you trust me with your heart?	1.2991	0.05347	107	80	22	5
1418	It’s a two-fer, checking your reflexes and mine.	1.2991	0.05180	107	79	24	4
1419	You're the perfect "Physician's Assistant!"	1.2991	0.05667	107	82	18	7
1420	Unfortunately this is the only surgical option available without health insurance.	1.2991	0.05667	107	82	18	7
1421	Believe me, acupuncture will do you the world of good	1.2991	0.05347	107	80	22	5
1422	So. You're wondering, Is this lucky thirteen or unlucky? How's your prostate feeling now?	1.2991	0.05510	107	81	20	6
1423	Of course, there's always a first time.	1.2990	0.05892	97	74	17	6
1424	Still, it's better than going under the knife.	1.2990	0.05112	97	70	25	2
1425	This, or the standard vasectomy?	1.2990	0.05516	97	72	21	4
1426	Didn’t you read the terms and conditions when you changed HMO plans?	1.2990	0.05707	97	73	19	5
1427	Your test came back clear	1.2990	0.05317	97	71	23	3
1428	I barely made the cut into medical school	1.2990	0.05516	97	72	21	4
1429	My specialty is non invasive surgery.	1.2989	0.06143	87	66	16	5
1430	Just a little game my former partner and I used to play. You remember my former partner, don’t you	1.2986	0.04935	144	111	23	10
1431	Of course, you will be spinning in the OR.	1.2985	0.04741	134	100	28	6
1432	This procedure has a high rate of success, presuming patient cooperation.	1.2984	0.04989	124	93	25	6
1433	Checking your reflex with that little hammer is so blasé.	1.2982	0.05421	114	87	20	7
1434	Since you are a bit old for a bris, I thought we would do it, the Ed Ames way.	1.2982	0.05127	114	85	24	5
1435	Before I operate you have to prove you trust me.	1.2982	0.05276	114	86	22	6
1436	If I miss, you win a teddy bear.	1.2982	0.05127	114	85	24	5
1437	I’ve been Board certified to perform this cutting edge Surgery.	1.2982	0.05276	114	86	22	6
1438	On your insurance plan, this IS cutting-edge technology	1.2982	0.05276	114	86	22	6
1439	I did pretty well with the last patient.	1.2982	0.04480	114	81	32	1
1440	If this doesn't work, try some prune juice.	1.2981	0.05445	104	78	21	5
1441	Once this is over, you will be looking forward to surgery!	1.2981	0.04904	104	75	27	2
1442	Circumcision du Soleil	1.2981	0.06244	104	83	11	10
1443	I don't expect your shadow to bother you again, Peter.	1.2981	0.06391	104	84	9	11
1444	Well, no. It doesn't cure anything. But it does take your mind off your illness and that is something.	1.2979	0.05625	94	70	20	4
1445	....and your insurance covers this.	1.2979	0.05418	94	69	22	3
1446	Once I start, you'll be amazed how fast you expel that kidney stone!	1.2979	0.05625	94	70	20	4
1447	You may experience some slight discomfort...	1.2979	0.05625	94	70	20	4
1448	Now just relax.	1.2979	0.04694	141	106	28	7
1449	My guidance teacher always said I belonged in the circus.	1.2979	0.05418	94	69	22	3
1450	The tricky part is getting the anesthesia right	1.2976	0.06055	84	63	17	4
1451	I've only missed once, but it was okay since the patient was transitioning anyway.	1.2975	0.05202	121	92	22	7
1452	If you want me to take the blindfold off, that costs extra !	1.2973	0.05519	111	85	19	7
1453	I like to practice before the actual surgery.	1.2973	0.04644	148	112	28	8
1454	You fit the profile for the minimally invasive procedure but there’s always a risk.	1.2973	0.05054	111	82	25	4
1455	Let's decide the location of my first incision.	1.2973	0.05368	111	84	21	6
1456	You need to go under the knife	1.2973	0.05368	111	84	21	6
1457	Well Mr. Smith, we pinned out all the places you don’t have an infection.	1.2973	0.05214	111	83	23	5
1458	My weight loss program is quite simple.	1.2971	0.04869	138	105	25	8
1459	The procedure is not without its risks	1.2970	0.05179	101	74	24	3
1460	It's the latest thing in body sculpting.	1.2970	0.05724	101	77	18	6
1461	I'm just not certain how many more times you can avoid going under the knife.	1.2970	0.05548	101	76	20	5
1462	Knives Out	1.2970	0.05894	101	78	16	7
1463	The operating room’s like that—a little luck, and all’s well.	1.2969	0.05005	128	97	24	7
1464	I was aiming for the prostate.	1.2967	0.06151	91	70	15	6
1465	Notice, we don't ask you to spread your legs	1.2967	0.06151	91	70	15	6
1466	Let me begin by saying that one of us is an evil twin and I do not think it is you.	1.2967	0.06151	91	70	15	6
1467	I call it Near Death therapy " By Tom Sievers	1.2967	0.06151	91	70	15	6
1468	We're zeroing in on where the problem may be.	1.2967	0.05741	91	68	19	4
1469	First, do no harm.” Check!	1.2966	0.05289	118	90	21	7
1470	I specialize in circumcisions.	1.2966	0.05289	118	90	21	7
1471	It's cheaper than acupuncture.	1.2966	0.05424	118	91	19	8
1472	We streamlined our blood and stool sample retrieval process	1.2966	0.05150	118	89	23	6
1473	I call it non-invasive acupuncture."	1.2963	0.05139	108	80	24	4
1474	However, during surgery, I will be cutting inside the lines.	1.2963	0.05921	108	85	14	9
1475	So, you said it's a "stabby" sort of pain? Let's confirm.	1.2963	0.05622	108	83	18	7
1476	No need to worry. I've been practicing for a long time.	1.2963	0.05465	108	82	20	6
1477	Only cutting edge treatment for you.	1.2963	0.05305	108	81	22	5
1478	As you can see, in repeated clinical trials, there is a good success rate for this procedure	1.2963	0.05305	108	81	22	5
1479	I agree. You do seem a bit anxious.	1.2963	0.05399	81	58	22	1
1480	For this stress test most patients wear their masks about four inches higher.	1.2959	0.05840	98	75	17	6
1481	After we finish here we'll need to get your blood pressure before we can proceed.	1.2959	0.06017	98	76	15	7
1482	Of course, it's the scare that cures the hiccups, but the procedure is perfectly safe. As the outline clearly shows, the knives never touch a patient.	1.2959	0.05468	98	73	21	4
1483	I have a different procedure for a shooting pain.	1.2959	0.05840	98	75	17	6
1484	You were sleeping so you didn't get to see, but it was pretty awesome.	1.2957	0.05089	115	86	24	5
1485	You could say I’m not you’re average psychiatrist.	1.2957	0.05089	115	86	24	5
1486	As you can see, this procedure is designed to be 'minimally invasive'.	1.2957	0.05236	115	87	22	6
1487	We are now ready for the live model.	1.2955	0.05399	88	64	22	2
1488	I'd like to run a few more tests	1.2952	0.05228	105	78	23	4
1489	You should see me do a vasectomy.	1.2952	0.05567	105	80	19	6
1490	Care to take a stab at it?	1.2952	0.05050	105	77	25	3
1491	This should scare the crap right out of you.	1.2952	0.05730	105	81	17	7
1492	We need to do more blood work. . .	1.2952	0.05730	105	81	17	7
1493	Just be sure not to cough.	1.2952	0.05400	105	79	21	5
1494	I did my internship at Sinai, and my residency at Barnum & Bailey.	1.2952	0.05400	105	79	21	5
1495	Oh that, is an artwork given to me by a satisfied client.	1.2952	0.05400	105	79	21	5
1496	Why yes— this will be my first vasectomy.	1.2951	0.05165	122	93	22	7
1497	I’m not saying your knife work isn’t impressive, but I’d still like to go with the laser option for my cataracts.	1.2951	0.05165	122	93	22	7
1498	Which organ is giving you issues again?	1.2951	0.04895	122	91	26	5
1499	These are the areas that your HMO have approved.	1.2949	0.06350	78	59	15	4
1500	You definitely need glasses as you didn’t flinch at all.	1.2949	0.06607	78	60	13	5
1501	That takes care of your external exam. Now let's have a look inside.	1.2947	0.05962	95	73	16	6
1502	It’s an option we offer for patients with no insurance.	1.2947	0.05962	95	73	16	6
1503	I promise this is the least invasive constipation remedy.	1.2947	0.05772	95	72	18	5
1504	My mother was incredibly disappointed that I chose medicine over the circus.	1.2947	0.05370	95	70	22	3
1505	So I think you shouldn’t have the surgery.	1.2947	0.05370	95	70	22	3
1506	Bro, it's a novel procedure for curing chronic hiccups, sure, but, so far, it's been 100% successful.	1.2946	0.05621	112	87	17	8
1507	Prostate next--it won't hurt either.	1.2946	0.04853	112	82	27	3
1508	I practice target-specific knife skills before I perform heart surgery.	1.2946	0.04853	112	82	27	3
1509	The last guy did just fine. He has PTSD now, but we got rid of his low blood pressure.	1.2946	0.05174	112	84	23	5
1510	... but this is a risk I am prepared for you to take.	1.2946	0.05174	112	84	23	5
1511	This ensures you won't be wasting our time fidgeting when you go through the MRI.	1.2941	0.04908	136	104	24	8
1512	Are you feeling lucky?	1.2941	0.04944	102	74	26	2
1513	It’s a sideline…	1.2941	0.05322	102	76	22	4
1514	You see? No damage to the wall where people stand!	1.2941	0.05675	102	78	18	6
1515	Can you believe they want to take away my license for this?	1.2941	0.05501	102	77	20	5
1516	This is why we call it the practice of medicine…	1.2941	0.05113	119	90	23	6
1517	This MRI is really throwing me off, but I think I’ll take a stab at it.	1.2941	0.04826	119	88	27	4
1518	I propose we use this non-invasive procedure.	1.2941	0.05250	119	91	21	7
1519	We've perfected our treatment for hiccups.	1.2941	0.04826	119	88	27	4
1520	So, where does it hurt?	1.2941	0.05675	102	78	18	6
1521	You can trust me.	1.2941	0.05501	102	77	20	5
1522	What did you think I meant when I said you’d have to go under the knife?	1.2941	0.05843	102	79	16	7
1523	You have insufficient thigh-gap.	1.2936	0.05422	109	83	20	6
1524	Face the wall, please	1.2936	0.05422	109	83	20	6
1525	It's OK, it's 99% effective.	1.2936	0.05263	109	82	22	5
1526	It’s conclusive, you’re repelling.	1.2936	0.05576	109	84	18	7
1527	Trust me. Non invasive surgery is the way to go.	1.2936	0.05422	109	83	20	6
1528	No need to be nervous—it’s our way of measuring your blood pressure.	1.2936	0.05422	109	83	20	6
1529	‘This is a standard procedure for people with trust issues’	1.2936	0.05422	109	83	20	6
1530	It's a little like acupuncture.	1.2935	0.05687	92	69	19	4
1531	That's where I won't be cutting.	1.2935	0.06093	92	71	15	6
1532	Just one more spot to fill - between your knees	1.2935	0.06093	92	71	15	6
1533	Let’s start with a blood sample.	1.2935	0.05687	92	69	19	4
1534	I don't get certified until I solo.	1.2931	0.05478	116	90	18	8
1535	On the plus side, it's a real crowd-pleaser.	1.2931	0.04745	116	85	28	3
1536	I specialize in outpatient procedures.	1.2931	0.05340	116	89	20	7
1537	This is what we mean when we say it’s up to the board	1.2931	0.05051	116	87	24	5
1538	I've never lost a patient yet.	1.2929	0.04816	99	71	27	1
1539	Here's where we determine if you're a fit for Speaker-of-the-House.	1.2929	0.05420	99	74	21	4
1540	...but the patient did not know there was one more knife...	1.2927	0.05881	82	61	18	3
1541	Soon your troubles will be over.	1.2927	0.06605	82	64	12	6
1542	See that accuracy? So relax,your vasectomy will be a piece of cake.	1.2927	0.05128	123	94	22	7
1543	As you can see, Bob, you lack all internal organs, and thus, makes you eligible to run Twitter.	1.2925	0.05186	106	79	23	4
1544	No Worries. I've done this procedure hundreds of times.	1.2925	0.05356	106	80	21	5
1545	You'll be fine.	1.2925	0.05010	106	78	25	3
1546	It looks like you have peripheral nerve damage	1.2925	0.04827	106	77	27	2
1547	Just beginners luck.	1.2925	0.05186	106	79	23	4
1548	It’s the only way to test your reflexes	1.2925	0.05356	106	80	21	5
1549	As you can see your first twelve test results were quite good.	1.2925	0.04827	106	77	27	2
1550	After med school, I did my residency at Cirque du Soleil.	1.2925	0.05010	106	78	25	3
1551	Do you trust me more now with my circumcision skill?	1.2920	0.05134	113	85	23	5
1552	Now we're going to test your reflexes.	1.2920	0.04817	113	83	27	3
1553	My last diagnosis was right on target.	1.2920	0.04978	113	84	25	4
1554	The next one should be perfect.	1.2920	0.04817	113	83	27	3
1555	We frequented axe throwing bars during residency.	1.2920	0.05433	113	87	19	7
1556	I wouldn’t recommend moving.	1.2920	0.04650	113	82	29	2
1557	Do you remember Ed Ames ?	1.2920	0.04978	113	84	25	4
1558	Congratulations Mr. Tarjay - it seems you passed your stress test.	1.2920	0.04877	137	105	24	8
1559	Once we establish you have P.T.S.D. -- you'll qualify for a Medical Marijuana Liscense.	1.2917	0.05908	96	74	16	6
1560	Oh, I'm more than a mere vascular surgeon...	1.2917	0.04936	120	90	25	5
1561	So… shall we enroll you in the trial?	1.2917	0.05524	96	72	20	4
1562	It's either this or 'turn your head and cough'	1.2917	0.05908	96	74	16	6
1563	Before we start the operation, I'll need to calibrate my tools.	1.2917	0.04936	120	90	25	5
1564	This next test might eliminate a diagnosis of triskaidekaphobia.	1.2917	0.05322	96	71	22	3
1565	This will test your nerves, and mine too.	1.2917	0.05345	120	93	19	8
1566	I feel pretty good about my warmup tosses, now step on up there and let’s see if I can take care of that leaky heart valve…	1.2917	0.05345	120	93	19	8
1567	I took an oath.	1.2917	0.05524	96	72	20	4
1568	I'd like to do some exploratory surgery.	1.2917	0.04792	120	89	27	4
1569	Come to think of it, you are my 13th patient today. Why do you ask?	1.2917	0.05322	96	71	22	3
1570	That’s my last accuracy test. Any more competency questions?	1.2913	0.04904	103	75	26	2
1571	No worries, as you can see, but you can face the other direction if that feels more comfortable.	1.2913	0.05793	103	80	16	7
1572	And after we check your blood pressure.	1.2913	0.05278	103	77	22	4
1573	You're in luck, the operating theater gets a good crowd on Fridays.	1.2913	0.05455	103	78	20	5
1574	So far,the success rate has been high, but I’m obligated to inform you of the risks involved	1.2913	0.05278	103	77	22	4
1575	I'm gonna give one more stab at your diagnosis.	1.2909	0.05532	110	85	18	7
1576	In appreciation of your being an organ donor, you get to choose from a wide variety of fun operating tables.	1.2909	0.05532	110	85	18	7
1577	Where do you want it?	1.2909	0.05222	110	83	22	5
1578	And now we will test your sphincter.	1.2909	0.05222	110	83	22	5
1579	All of our surgeons are rigorously tested.	1.2909	0.04718	110	80	28	2
1580	What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.	1.2909	0.05681	110	86	16	8
1581	You should know that there are side effects	1.2909	0.05222	110	83	22	5
1582	To be fair, these procedures have been more successful since the FDA banned axes.	1.2909	0.05379	110	84	20	6
1583	I think I can squeeze you in.	1.2907	0.05698	86	64	19	3
1584	Same elevated heart rate as a treadmill, but much more fun for me.	1.2907	0.06159	86	66	15	5
1585	We're a little closer than we were the last time you were in. We should be able to hit on something nore definite by your next visit.	1.2907	0.05698	86	64	19	3
1586	Well, we've tried everything else.	1.2906	0.05014	117	88	24	5
1587	Your wife says I’ll either be doing your vasectomy or your son’s bris.	1.2906	0.05300	117	90	20	7
1588	That’s a general outline of the exploratory procedure.	1.2903	0.04828	124	93	26	5
1589	Ringling Brothers Medical School	1.2903	0.05423	93	69	21	3
1590	A robot will be performing the actual surgery.	1.2903	0.05634	93	70	19	4
1591	Just one more to go.....	1.2903	0.05634	93	70	19	4
1592	As I told you, this operation is tricky.	1.2903	0.05203	93	68	23	2
1593	I find it’s therapeutic. Not for the patient, of course.	1.2900	0.05559	100	76	19	5
1594	You should be happy to see that I’m good with a knife	1.2900	0.05374	100	75	21	4
1595	One more try. The appendix is tricky.	1.2900	0.05183	100	74	23	3
1596	I’ll take a stab at general anesthesia next.	1.2900	0.05559	100	76	19	5
1597	So far, I've never lost a patient.	1.2900	0.04777	100	72	27	1
1598	The higher the risk, the more your insurance pays.	1.2897	0.05145	107	80	23	4
1599	Do you always stand with your legs so close together?	1.2897	0.05940	107	85	13	9
1600	My successes are impressive. My mistakes are buried.	1.2897	0.05635	107	83	17	7
1601	I'm successful 12 out of 13 times.	1.2897	0.05477	107	82	19	6
1602	Perhaps you’d like to hear about our innovative surgical techniques that allow for social distancing	1.2897	0.05313	107	81	21	5
1603	It’s just an outline at this point.	1.2897	0.05313	107	81	21	5
1604	We’ve found having knives thrown at patients can help distract from their bill.	1.2897	0.05635	107	83	17	7
1605	The tests confirm it, Mr. Musk. It seems you're utterly repellant.	1.2895	0.05672	114	90	15	9
1606	If you don't trust your surgeon, who can you trust?	1.2895	0.04941	114	85	25	4
1607	You're Bronze Plan, right?	1.2895	0.04941	114	85	25	4
1608	But let's check with the anesthesiologist.	1.2895	0.05246	114	87	21	6
1609	What did you think ‘going under the knife’ meant?	1.2895	0.05096	114	86	23	5
1610	I was aiming for the aura	1.2895	0.05096	114	86	23	5
1611	Now just stand in the middle and we’ll get that open heart surgery started.	1.2895	0.05534	114	89	17	8
1612	Don't worry. There's no copay.	1.2893	0.04901	121	91	25	5
1613	Not bad for a lefty.	1.2893	0.05174	121	93	21	7
1614	So, you need your appendix taken out. Applause will cost extra.	1.2892	0.05821	83	62	18	3
1615	This test will help us rule out survivorship bias...	1.2889	0.04687	135	102	27	6
1616	Sir, your nerves are fine	1.2889	0.05299	90	66	22	2
1617	You should see what the anaesthetist can do.	1.2889	0.05751	90	68	18	4
1618	It's 'cutting edge' technology. Let me try one more time."	1.2889	0.06369	90	71	12	7
1619	As with any innovative surgical technique, there's a certain amount of risk involved.	1.2889	0.06170	90	70	14	6
1620	I can assure you, the technology is cutting-edge.	1.2887	0.05475	97	73	20	4
1621	I know you mentioned you were Board Certified but…	1.2887	0.06211	97	77	12	8
1622	And now I am going to test your scream reflex.	1.2885	0.05744	104	81	16	7
1623	So as I mentioned, the procedure is non-invasive	1.2885	0.05409	104	79	20	5
1624	Let me have a try. Everyone else has bad eyesight.	1.2885	0.05234	104	78	22	4
1625	Now, which organ?	1.2883	0.05181	111	84	22	5
1626	Blame your new insurance plan.	1.2883	0.05181	111	84	22	5
1627	I’m all set for the incision.	1.2881	0.04677	118	87	28	3
1628	As you can see, I'm not a believer in invasive surgery.	1.2880	0.04795	125	94	26	5
1629	6 feet tall. Let’s move on to taking your blood pressure.	1.2880	0.04795	125	94	26	5
1630	Apparently the new vaccine does offer protection.	1.2880	0.05183	125	97	20	8
1631	I told you I swore to do no harm.	1.2880	0.04795	125	94	26	5
1632	I got my degree in Las Vegas.	1.2880	0.04927	125	95	24	6
1633	During the pre-screening your blood pressure got dangerously high.	1.2880	0.04795	125	94	26	5
1634	Don't worry...it's covered by Obamacare.	1.2878	0.04594	139	105	28	6
1635	Next time we'll be requesting anesthesia, now, won't we?	1.2875	0.06702	80	63	11	6
1636	...but there's always a first time.	1.2874	0.05642	87	65	19	3
1637	I just invented this final exam a week ago.	1.2874	0.05400	87	64	21	2
1638	As you can see, I occasionally 'miss my mark,' diagnostically speaking.	1.2874	0.05146	87	63	23	1
1639	Step over to my examination wall and we'll see if we can target your condition.	1.2874	0.05874	87	66	17	4
1640	My early years in the circus came in handy during med school	1.2872	0.05157	94	69	23	2
1641	Now do you trust me with your circumcision?	1.2872	0.05978	94	73	15	6
1642	They dropped me from surgery, so now I took this up.	1.2872	0.05374	94	70	21	3
1643	Of course, no surgery is without its slight risks...	1.2872	0.05784	94	72	17	5
1644	Well, it's a good thing I'm not a surgeon.	1.2872	0.05374	94	70	21	3
1645	This is the final step for your colonoscopy prep.	1.2871	0.04943	101	74	25	2
1646	Before I go in, I like to hone my knife skills.	1.2871	0.05328	101	76	21	4
1647	It’s for your constipation.	1.2871	0.05511	101	77	19	5
1648	Let me explain how the procedure works...	1.2871	0.05139	101	75	23	3
1649	I graduated from Barnum & Bailey...	1.2871	0.05328	101	76	21	4
1650	As you can see, this won't hurt a bit.	1.2870	0.05271	108	82	21	5
1651	If I miss then the procedure is half off.	1.2870	0.04753	108	79	27	2
1652	As you can see, the procedure poses little to no risk.	1.2870	0.05271	108	82	21	5
1653	Now let's see if you gained any weight since last time, shall we?	1.2870	0.06036	108	87	11	10
1654	It's okay, I'm not licensed to kill.	1.2870	0.04373	108	77	31	0
1655	I like to warm up before I cut. Don’t worry. You’ll be knocked out.	1.2870	0.05589	108	84	17	7
1656	Now are you OK with me doing your surgery?	1.2870	0.05104	108	81	23	4
1657	That's why we call it the PRACTICE of medicine.	1.2870	0.05206	115	88	21	6
1658	The therapy is a bit unorthodox, but I believe I have cured your aichmophobia.	1.2870	0.05057	115	87	23	5
1659	Don't worry,in most cases it's just a brief pre-surgery dexterity test to improve the patient-surgeon bond...	1.2870	0.04904	115	86	25	4
1660	Sometimes the diagnosis is worse than the disease.	1.2857	0.04818	112	83	26	3
1661	As you can see my prior patient had pretty good insurance	1.2857	0.05295	112	86	20	6
1662	We measure a dozen times and cut only once.	1.2857	0.05025	98	72	24	2
1663	There is much ancient wisdom in alternative medicine.	1.2857	0.06306	91	72	12	7
1664	Yeah I have zero idea what the fuck is going on here but I'm a doctor and we are twins and so fuck you.	1.2857	0.05733	112	89	14	9
1665	Humor me. It builds confidence.	1.2857	0.05477	91	68	20	3
1666	Now that I've ruled out side issues, we can proceed to the heart of the matter.	1.2857	0.05230	98	73	22	3
1667	Your insurance only covers so much.	1.2857	0.05533	105	81	18	6
1668	Now imagine each knife is an out-of-network provider.	1.2857	0.05618	98	75	18	5
1669	I almost never miss.	1.2857	0.04818	112	83	26	3
1670	Given the perfect symmetry, where should we place the last one?	1.2857	0.05365	105	80	20	5
1671	Yes Bill, we've found this to be the most effective way to train our patients to be still during surgery.	1.2857	0.05427	98	74	20	4
1672	You're up.	1.2857	0.05230	98	73	22	3
1673	Would you prefer the hit or miss surgery	1.2857	0.06239	84	65	14	5
1674	We thought the wheel was a bit archaic.	1.2857	0.05427	98	74	20	4
1675	No,I have never done a circumcision before	1.2857	0.06239	84	65	14	5
1676	Don’t worry, those were just the interns	1.2857	0.05761	84	63	18	3
1677	I am still trying to determine what area I want to specialize in once I finish my residency.	1.2857	0.06005	84	64	16	4
1678	Good News! I'm ready to operate	1.2857	0.05618	98	75	18	5
1679	Can't get any closer to the mark until the insurance is approved.	1.2857	0.05696	91	69	18	4
1680	Now that I've gained your trust, can we proceed with your vasectomy now?	1.2857	0.05533	105	81	18	6
1681	We use the finest cutting edge technology	1.2857	0.05477	91	68	20	3
1682	Warm up exercises.	1.2857	0.05427	98	74	20	4
1683	I'm not sure this procedure is covered by my insurance.	1.2857	0.05230	98	73	22	3
1684	Don’t worry. Most patients get the placebo.	1.2857	0.06465	84	66	12	6
1685	Ten bucks says you survive.	1.2857	0.05906	91	70	16	5
1686	It's bring your hobby to work day!	1.2857	0.05696	91	69	18	4
1687	You see, there's really nothing to be worried about.	1.2857	0.05618	98	75	18	5
1688	As you can see, my technique is pretty good.	1.2857	0.05191	105	79	22	4
1689	Me, a surgeon? Oh, I can see how the costume might give you that impression. No, your real surgeon will be with you momentarily. I'm just the pre-surgery entertainment that your insurance covers.	1.2857	0.04982	112	84	24	4
1690	This last one is my specialty.	1.2857	0.04811	98	71	26	1
1691	... or you could just take the regular colonoscopy prep.	1.2857	0.06110	91	71	14	6
1692	I’d say your odds are pretty good.	1.2857	0.05696	91	69	18	4
1693	Well, now we know what your problem isn’t.	1.2857	0.06239	84	65	14	5
1694	It’s benign.	1.2857	0.05696	91	69	18	4
1695	The good news is that you’ve tested negative for being a spoilsport who won’t try anything fun.	1.2857	0.04627	126	94	28	4
1696	This hospital has really become a circus. Now hold still.	1.2857	0.05477	91	68	20	3
1697	So where should we send the bill?	1.2857	0.05025	98	72	24	2
1698	No worries. That was when I was an intern.	1.2847	0.04854	137	106	23	8
1699	“Don’t worry. I always get lucky the thirteenth time on my appendectomies”.	1.2845	0.05449	116	91	17	8
1700	I'll give you one guess where knife number thirteen goes...	1.2845	0.04868	116	87	25	4
1701	It's perfectly safe, and you'll be asleep after the first one hits.	1.2844	0.05229	109	83	21	5
1702	Is this the proof you needed?	1.2843	0.05096	102	76	23	3
1703	What part of cut-rate health insurance did you not understand?	1.2843	0.05464	102	78	19	5
1704	It's all in the wrist.	1.2843	0.05464	102	78	19	5
1705	There is a chance this could hurt a little...	1.2843	0.05096	102	76	23	3
1706	Shall we try again?	1.2843	0.05096	102	76	23	3
1707	I think one more treatment should be enough to get those bowels of yours moving again.	1.2843	0.05283	102	77	21	4
1708	I haven't missed a prostate yet!	1.2843	0.05283	102	77	21	4
1709	Trust me. My grandma was Jewish.	1.2843	0.05464	102	78	19	5
1710	Your reflexes seem to be non existent.	1.2843	0.05464	102	78	19	5
1711	I'm actually trained to be an ophthalmologist.	1.2842	0.05532	95	72	19	4
1712	So, are you ready to go under the knife?	1.2842	0.05532	95	72	19	4
1713	Helps us see if you're calm under pressure.	1.2842	0.05325	95	71	21	3
1714	I measure twice, cut once.	1.2842	0.05731	95	73	17	5
1715	It's what I call 'my practice'.	1.2842	0.06109	95	75	13	7
1716	And I’ve got knife number thirteen right here in my hand…	1.2841	0.05587	88	66	19	3
1717	No,I just play one on TV	1.2841	0.06036	88	68	15	5
1718	It’s cutting edge, and it’s covered.	1.2841	0.06455	88	70	11	7
1719	You see, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.	1.2833	0.04611	120	89	28	3
1720	Laser eye surgery is really a game changer, Steve.	1.2833	0.05183	120	93	20	7
1721	You're lucky. My scan showed that the problem's not with any of your major organs.	1.2832	0.05102	113	86	22	5
1722	Don't worry, I'll be standing much closer to you during your surgery.	1.2832	0.04944	113	85	24	4
1723	So clearly, the metal you swallowed in that deli salad Isn’t magnetized!	1.2830	0.05321	106	81	20	5
1724	See what I mean, minimally invasive	1.2830	0.05321	106	81	20	5
1725	When it’s over you’ll forget all your problems and just be happy to be alive.	1.2828	0.05185	99	74	22	3
1726	Any questions before we start?	1.2828	0.05380	99	75	20	4
1727	I got the idea from watching Johnny Carson reruns.	1.2828	0.05750	99	77	16	6
1728	I just don't see anything but if you care to take another stab at it...	1.2828	0.05927	99	78	14	7
1729	It's a voluntary procedure.	1.2828	0.06098	99	79	12	8
1730	Don't worry. Thirteen's my lucky number.	1.2828	0.05380	99	75	20	4
1731	We are still waiting for FDA approval.	1.2828	0.05568	99	76	18	5
1732	I told them you were my miracle patient. Ok this time, spread your legs a little.	1.2828	0.05927	99	78	14	7
1733	Oh don’t worry. It’s standard procedure for any hopeful Speaker of the House.	1.2828	0.05927	99	78	14	7
1734	If you think my surgery techniques are impressive you should see how I do colonoscopies	1.2826	0.04967	92	67	24	1
1735	It won’t hurt if you hold still	1.2826	0.05642	92	70	18	4
1736	New method. Works great! I throw this knife at you and scare the blockage out of you.	1.2826	0.05202	92	68	22	2
1737	I find this method of diagnosis just as accurate and much more entertaining.	1.2826	0.05426	92	69	20	3
1738	This usually won’t hurt a bit.	1.2826	0.05642	92	70	18	4
1739	Now we’re going to measure your reflexes.	1.2824	0.04999	131	102	21	8
1740	Tell me again where it hurts.	1.2824	0.05703	85	64	18	3
1741	According to my chart, your body type is ectomorph.	1.2824	0.05944	85	65	16	4
1742	You can lose the shoes and socks	1.2824	0.06175	85	66	14	5
1743	Let me assure you. When I operate, I don't miss.	1.2824	0.05944	85	65	16	4
1744	This is usually well-tolerated by patients.	1.2821	0.06024	78	59	16	3
1745	Congratulations.	1.2821	0.05408	117	92	17	8
1746	I hope this demonstration convinces you of my skills with a knife. Now, let’s take a crack at that prostate.	1.2821	0.05270	117	91	19	7
1747	I'm confident we are getting closer to catching your shadow.	1.2821	0.06554	78	61	12	5
1748	Twins just know each other that well.	1.2821	0.05543	117	93	15	9
1749	Ringling Medical School has always been on the cutting edge of new surgical methods.	1.2818	0.04855	110	82	25	3
1750	This will test your reflexes better than the "knee jerk" test	1.2818	0.05500	110	86	17	7
1751	It's a minimally invasive procedure now.	1.2818	0.05024	110	83	23	4
1752	So, if I can do that, don't you think I can manage a prostate exam?	1.2818	0.05024	110	83	23	4
1753	That's why I don't do surgery.	1.2816	0.05921	103	82	13	8
1754	Put it this way, my childhood dream wasn't to run away from home to join the hospital...	1.2816	0.05054	103	77	23	3
1755	And that’s all that your insurance will cover.	1.2816	0.05054	103	77	23	3
1756	Minimally Invasive Surgery	1.2816	0.04862	103	76	25	2
1757	What would you say your level of anxiety is now?	1.2816	0.05418	103	79	19	5
1758	You say you’re having trouble emptying your bladder?	1.2816	0.05239	103	78	21	4
1759	I also do parties.	1.2816	0.05758	103	81	15	7
1760	Or for our Affordable Care patients, we have the one that spins.	1.2812	0.05868	96	75	15	6
1761	Feeling lucky, Mr. Smith?	1.2812	0.05868	96	75	15	6
1762	Yes, your plan does cover cutting edge medical technology.	1.2812	0.06052	96	76	13	7
1763	Now do you trust me to operate?	1.2812	0.05678	96	74	17	5
1764	The odds are good	1.2812	0.05482	96	73	19	4
1765	I’m pretty sure I can squeeze in your vasectomy this afternoon.	1.2812	0.05868	96	75	15	6
1766	Relax. I'm much more accurate when you're lying down.	1.2812	0.05868	96	75	15	6
1767	It’s a really simple procedure I’ve performed dozens of times!	1.2812	0.04953	128	99	22	7
1768	There was just no future with the carnival, so I went to med school.	1.2812	0.05278	96	72	21	3
1769	Worst case scenario, I'll lower your blood pressure.	1.2812	0.05075	128	100	20	8
1770	Now that you’ve signed the release form, I can tell you more about our experimental procedure.	1.2812	0.05278	96	72	21	3
1771	Okay, you were right. We SHOULD do this on the operating table instead.	1.2812	0.05278	96	72	21	3
1772	dont worry-the laser knives are more accurate!	1.2810	0.04871	121	92	24	5
1773	Sure you're relieved but my surgical residents are very disappointed.	1.2810	0.05010	121	93	22	6
1774	That one on the lower left. Does that look infected to you?	1.2809	0.05977	89	69	15	5
1775	Our specialists train a lot, as you can see!	1.2809	0.05533	89	67	19	3
1776	Do you feel better now?	1.2809	0.05977	89	69	15	5
1777	As you can see, we've narrowed down the problem	1.2809	0.05533	89	67	19	3
1778	I kill at darts .	1.2807	0.05503	114	90	16	8
1779	Yes, you'll be going under the knife.	1.2805	0.06322	82	64	13	5
1780	Don’t worry, I’ll aim straight at the gizzard with you	1.2805	0.05827	82	62	17	3
1781	Next up, I’ll guess your weight	1.2805	0.06322	82	64	13	5
1782	If I hit you, your next visit is free.	1.2805	0.06322	82	64	13	5
1783	Aha!! It's you aura that's making you sick.	1.2805	0.05827	82	62	17	3
1784	I’m a Cutting Board Certified doctor.	1.2805	0.06079	82	63	15	4
1785	Don’t look at me, you’re the one without insurance	1.2804	0.05277	107	82	20	5
1786	We find it is quicker than actual surgery. Patients see this and suddenly get better.	1.2804	0.05277	107	82	20	5
1787	I use the Monte Carlo method of surgery	1.2804	0.05442	107	83	18	6
1788	Let’s explore non-surgical options.	1.2804	0.05108	107	81	22	4
1789	This kills at the bar	1.2804	0.05108	107	81	22	4
1790	The results look good so far, but let's just do one more round to make sure.	1.2804	0.05277	107	82	20	5
1791	Relax. In most cases the side effects are minor."	1.2804	0.04932	107	80	24	3
1792	your insurance carrier requires that we do one more existing conditions check	1.2804	0.05442	107	83	18	6
1793	Did I mention that I got my training at Barnum and Bailey?	1.2803	0.04726	132	101	25	6
1794	Well, yes. But only once.	1.2800	0.05874	100	79	14	7
1795	I worked at the circus before I got my medical license on Ebay.	1.2800	0.05140	100	75	22	3
1796	I've never got a patient before.	1.2800	0.05333	100	76	20	4
1797	Believe me, Alex, it's the most surefire treatment for chronic constipation. Are you sure you don't want to take your shoes and socks off?	1.2800	0.05519	100	77	18	5
1798	Don't worry, it's an outpatient procedure!	1.2800	0.05140	100	75	22	3
1799	Typically the procedure isn't too invasive	1.2800	0.05140	100	75	22	3
1800	So, we’ll schedule the vasectomy for a week from Wednesday.	1.2797	0.04797	118	89	25	4
1801	Worried? Does this look like anything could go wrong	1.2796	0.05154	93	69	22	2
1802	We're getting close to a diagnosis. Let's take another stab at it.	1.2796	0.05376	93	70	20	3
1803	So, you just have to throw and that will be where I'll operate.	1.2796	0.05795	93	72	16	5
1804	Don't worry...the knives are completely sanitized	1.2796	0.05154	93	69	22	2
1805	Try to let me know if you're about to sneeze.	1.2796	0.05795	93	72	16	5
1806	I am so sorry to inform you that you are in really bad shape.	1.2793	0.04818	111	83	25	3
1807	Then we carefully peel off the skin, deal with that pesky kidney and there you are.	1.2793	0.04985	111	84	23	4
1808	We keep costs down by selling tickets to our surgeries.	1.2793	0.05303	111	86	19	6
1809	One way or another, I can guarantee your pain will end quickly.	1.2793	0.05456	111	87	17	7
1810	You'd think with that accuracy I'd be better with a scalpel.	1.2791	0.05883	86	66	16	4
1811	It was the last paragraph of your checkin waiver.	1.2791	0.05883	86	66	16	4
1812	No worries. So far, I have a 100% success rate.	1.2791	0.05883	86	66	16	4
1813	It’s nothing personal, we just felt you didn’t make the cut.	1.2791	0.05646	86	65	18	3
1814	Well, yes, this new treatment is cutting edge.	1.2788	0.05012	104	78	23	3
1815	Told you ... this is way more fun than pickleball	1.2788	0.05543	104	81	17	6
1816	Missed it by THAT much	1.2788	0.05372	104	80	19	5
1817	It's a 'can't miss' proposition	1.2788	0.05195	104	79	21	4
1818	My surgery is hit or miss..	1.2788	0.05543	104	81	17	6
1819	Mr. Lipshitz, are you ready for your vasectomy?	1.2787	0.05367	122	97	16	9
1820	So this will be just an arthroscopic procedure.	1.2787	0.04974	122	94	22	6
1821	I just didn’t feel like dodging a bullet was enough.	1.2785	0.05679	79	59	18	2
1822	Not to worry. I have excellent malpractice insurance.	1.2785	0.05958	79	60	16	3
1823	All it takes is some patients.	1.2784	0.05231	97	73	21	3
1824	In all medical care the key is trust.	1.2784	0.05022	97	72	23	2
1825	Remarkable, Carl. I've never seen anyone score a 12 on the Flinch Test.	1.2784	0.05815	97	76	15	6
1826	Just warming up for your vasectomy procedure.	1.2784	0.05231	97	73	21	3
1827	Actually, it was through my carnival work that I first discovered my talent for surgery.	1.2784	0.05433	97	74	19	4
1828	Once I figure out how to stop throwing it so low, I can introduce it to all my fear management patients.	1.2784	0.05815	97	76	15	6
1829	Now this test may have some side effects.	1.2784	0.05815	97	76	15	6
1830	Although risky, many people find the treatment exhilarating.	1.2784	0.05231	97	73	21	3
1831	Your constipation is as good as cured, Mr. Wilkins.	1.2784	0.05627	97	75	17	5
1832	Relax — the only thing I’ll stick you with is the bill.	1.2784	0.05627	97	75	17	5
1833	Yeah, still in beta, but so far much more effective than the old Smiley Face pain chart. Mostly.	1.2784	0.05231	97	73	21	3
1834	It's the only surgical protocol covered by medicare.	1.2783	0.05024	115	88	22	5
1835	Of course, it is much harder with a scalpel	1.2783	0.05461	115	91	16	8
1836	And they said surgical residencies are boring.	1.2778	0.05398	108	84	18	6
1837	The good news is your insurance only covers one throw.	1.2778	0.04893	108	81	24	3
1838	And now it’s time for the double-blind phase of the clinical trial.	1.2778	0.05703	90	69	17	4
1839	We're phasing out the reflex hammer.	1.2778	0.06007	72	54	16	2
1840	I need some more practice. Thanks for volunteering.	1.2778	0.05235	108	83	20	5
1841	But first, join me at the ‘Wall of Trust’	1.2778	0.05709	108	86	14	8
1842	It's a rather safe procedure, but there are some risks	1.2778	0.05556	108	85	16	7
1843	Very good, now let’s see how well you can dodge a few bullets.	1.2778	0.05247	90	67	21	2
1844	We need additional work done for a sharper image.	1.2778	0.05480	90	68	19	3
1845	This is our cutting-edge technology until we get our new. MRI instrument.	1.2778	0.05067	108	82	22	4
1846	The only patient who didn't make it died from a heart attack so that doesn't really count.	1.2778	0.06126	90	71	13	6
1847	Of course, this chart only shows the statistically significant results.	1.2778	0.05067	108	82	22	4
1848	We’ll get it with the next one. I can feel it.	1.2778	0.04994	126	98	21	7
1849	You can face me or face the wall; either way it's gonna hurt.	1.2778	0.05004	90	66	23	1
1850	Be cool. Its safer than childbirth.	1.2778	0.05480	90	68	19	3
1851	When every test fails to deliver clear results, we let fate decide.	1.2778	0.05067	108	82	22	4
1852	Yes, I'm still practicing.	1.2778	0.05067	108	82	22	4
1853	Congratulations, you tested negative!	1.2778	0.05480	90	68	19	3
1854	We eventually make the right incision.	1.2773	0.04453	119	88	29	2
1855	I’ll use this last one for the vasectomy.	1.2773	0.04910	119	91	23	5
1856	It will make you pee the kidney stone right out.	1.2772	0.05288	101	77	20	4
1857	See how well that went? Let’s try it from the waiting area.	1.2772	0.04899	101	75	24	2
1858	most of my patients prefer to be sedated for this next part	1.2772	0.05097	101	76	22	3
1859	I ‘“I’ve done my best to spare you from invasive surgery, but…	1.2771	0.06015	83	64	15	4
1860	My nurse has outlined the procedure for you.	1.2771	0.06015	83	64	15	4
1861	No, no underwear.	1.2771	0.06255	83	65	13	5
1862	Okay, enough practice. Let’s start that vasectomy, what do you say?	1.2768	0.05107	112	86	21	5
1863	And THAT, Mr. Goldberg is why I flunked out of Mohel School!	1.2768	0.05107	112	86	21	5
1864	We just opened our Center for Precision Medicine.	1.2766	0.05108	94	70	22	2
1865	One more knife, double or nothing.	1.2766	0.05741	94	73	16	5
1866	So...You feelin lucky?	1.2766	0.05538	94	72	18	4
1867	As a matter of fact, I am Jewish.	1.2766	0.05538	94	72	18	4
1868	Forward facing or rear?	1.2766	0.05327	94	71	20	3
1869	I call it ‘Assisted Circus-cide’	1.2766	0.05327	94	71	20	3
1870	Trust me. This is the best way to overcome your fear of knives.	1.2766	0.05741	94	73	16	5
1871	You can trust me,man. I’m no back-stabber.	1.2766	0.05327	94	71	20	3
1872	As you can see, for your next procedure you're going to have to take off the hospital gown.	1.2762	0.05327	105	81	19	5
1873	Not a wide stance, no.	1.2762	0.04972	105	79	23	3
1874	Don't worry, you'll be lying down!	1.2762	0.05496	105	82	17	6
1875	I have one remaining test to perform, but I believe we're close to identifying the source of your anxiety attacks.	1.2759	0.05135	116	90	20	6
1876	As your evil twin, I hope you understand that I have to do this....	1.2759	0.05345	87	65	20	2
1877	Don't worry, it shouldn't hurt.	1.2759	0.06049	87	68	14	5
1878	It's Vegas style acupuncture	1.2756	0.04427	127	95	29	3
1879	Trust me! You don't need a second opinion!	1.2755	0.05186	98	74	21	3
1880	The thirteenth blade cuts the deepest	1.2755	0.05186	98	74	21	3
1881	As far as you know I've never not missed.	1.2755	0.05186	98	74	21	3
1882	Unfortunately your insurance doesn’t cover this doctor.	1.2755	0.05942	98	78	13	7
1883	I like to challenge myself. Never stop learning, you know?	1.2755	0.05186	98	74	21	3
1884	Vasectomy? No problem.	1.2752	0.05193	109	84	20	5
1885	The whole hospital is now contactless.	1.2752	0.05662	109	87	14	8
1886	This just pre-op.	1.2752	0.05193	109	84	20	5
1887	As you can see, this treatment works 100% of the time.	1.2752	0.05193	109	84	20	5
1888	. Do you want local or general?	1.2752	0.05027	109	83	22	4
1889	The same politicians who tell women what they can do with their bodies had some interesting thoughts on testing for Parkinson's disease.	1.2752	0.05193	109	84	20	5
1890	'Throw the knife where it hurts'	1.2750	0.04874	120	92	23	5
1891	I hope the results motivate you to keep the weight off.	1.2750	0.05618	80	60	18	2
1892	The margins are clear. You prognosis is excellent.	1.2750	0.05618	80	60	18	2
1893	It’s clear your fight or flight response is impaired.	1.2750	0.06408	80	63	12	5
1894	You should be glad, the last surgeon was a real clown.	1.2750	0.06156	80	62	14	4
1895	What it lacks in precision it makes up for in excitement!	1.2747	0.06066	91	72	13	6
1896	See, noting to worry about.	1.2747	0.05649	91	70	17	4
1897	I was hoping to spice up the doctor's conference this year...	1.2747	0.05428	91	69	19	3
1898	Stand there.	1.2747	0.05861	91	71	15	5
1899	It's my warm-up activity to establish patient trust.	1.2747	0.05428	91	69	19	3
1900	I think you're missing the point.	1.2747	0.06264	91	73	11	7
1901	This procedure can be hit or miss.	1.2747	0.06264	91	73	11	7
1902	This, or you can pay in advance.	1.2747	0.05861	91	71	15	5
1903	You're my last patient for the blood pressure ad pulse rate test	1.2747	0.05649	91	70	17	4
1904	It appears, Ronald, that surgery is going to be our last resort.	1.2745	0.05054	102	77	22	3
1905	Why do you think they call it, 'medical practice'?	1.2745	0.04858	102	76	24	2
1906	Less noisy than a MRI, and more cutting edge.	1.2743	0.05370	113	89	17	7
1907	Do you have a relevant question before your vasectomy?	1.2743	0.05067	113	87	21	5
1908	Would you care to assume the position, and see if I can throw knife 13 as well as I threw the others.	1.2743	0.04909	113	86	23	4
1909	This is a very bad hospital	1.2740	0.06546	73	57	12	4
1910	A chance to cut is a chance to cure.	1.2738	0.05449	84	63	19	2
1911	Finally, No strings attached.	1.2738	0.05706	84	64	17	3
1912	We’ll bill your insurance.	1.2738	0.05179	84	62	21	1
1913	It's a fly-by-knife operation.	1.2737	0.04836	95	70	24	1
1914	Let's try diagnosing your condition one more time	1.2737	0.05881	95	75	14	6
1915	I’m afraid this test really is necessary	1.2737	0.05687	95	74	16	5
1916	You'll only feel a little prick.	1.2737	0.05279	95	72	20	3
1917	Your anxiety finally lost this game!	1.2737	0.05279	95	72	20	3
1918	This will help you overcome your fear of needles.	1.2737	0.06068	95	76	12	7
1919	So, during the surgery, I throw the knife to precisely remove your appendix.	1.2737	0.05279	95	72	20	3
1920	Okay - I get it. You're good with a knife.	1.2736	0.05283	106	82	19	5
1921	And they said I couldn't go from the carnival to Kaiser.	1.2736	0.05110	106	81	21	4
1922	This differs slightly from a traditional biopsy	1.2735	0.04949	117	90	22	5
1923	They say the 13th dagger may be the unlucky one.	1.2735	0.05239	117	92	18	7
1924	This last knife I call "good old lucky thirteen."	1.2727	0.04695	121	92	25	4
1925	Got one left for good luck !	1.2727	0.04817	110	83	24	3
1926	We are getting closer to a diagnosis.	1.2727	0.05294	88	66	20	2
1927	One step LEFT!	1.2727	0.05766	88	68	16	4
1928	It's either this or a $500 deductible	1.2727	0.05766	88	68	16	4
1929	''You're terminal anyway, so what do ya' say? "	1.2727	0.06572	77	61	11	5
1930	It's Trump. Nothing sticks to him.	1.2727	0.05766	88	68	16	4
1931	Have you seen 'Knives Out'?	1.2727	0.05766	88	68	16	4
1932	Where do you want this one?	1.2727	0.05766	88	68	16	4
1933	We aim to please.	1.2727	0.05616	110	88	14	8
1934	Its best if you don't flinch,this is the standard test to determine if your ready for a term in Congress.	1.2727	0.05311	110	86	18	6
1935	I know, I know, but I can’t get over my fear of blood	1.2727	0.05766	88	68	16	4
1936	This will hurt you more than it will hurt me.	1.2727	0.06306	77	60	13	4
1937	Well, you chose the out-patient procedure...	1.2727	0.05988	88	69	14	5
1938	We could put you on the treadmill, but this is way easier!	1.2727	0.05294	88	66	20	2
1939	As you can see, we marked off the problem area.	1.2727	0.05710	99	78	15	6
1940	I can also juggle."	1.2727	0.05151	110	85	20	5
1941	Now,let me show you where the last one goes.	1.2727	0.05527	99	77	17	5
1942	Just a small incision here, here, and here	1.2727	0.05766	88	68	16	4
1943	Technically speaking, we are still in the pseudo-science phase.	1.2727	0.04987	110	84	22	4
1944	It’s just like darts, except lethal.	1.2719	0.04367	114	84	29	1
1945	It's the latest method and no, this has nothing to do with Dad dying and our being the only heirs.	1.2719	0.05028	114	88	21	5
1946	Then, of course, there is Murphy Law.	1.2719	0.04709	114	86	25	3
1947	You won't feel a thing, I promise.	1.2718	0.05552	103	81	16	6
1948	Sometimes surgery is not the best option	1.2718	0.05198	103	79	20	4
1949	Is 13 your lucky number?	1.2718	0.05198	103	79	20	4
1950	Just keep your hands in the lines.	1.2718	0.04818	103	77	24	2
1951	As you can see, the aura removal is quite painless.	1.2718	0.05198	103	79	20	4
1952	The oath I took said nothing about near harm	1.2718	0.05198	103	79	20	4
1953	This may hurt a lot.	1.2718	0.05378	103	80	18	5
1954	That's my side hustle practice board.	1.2718	0.04616	103	76	26	1
1955	I believe you’re immune.	1.2718	0.05198	103	79	20	4
1956	I'm due for a bullseye.	1.2717	0.06007	92	73	13	6
1957	The last knife comes with your bill.	1.2717	0.05595	92	71	17	4
1958	I disagree, not all the good spots are taken	1.2717	0.05804	92	72	15	5
1959	As a physician I believe this is better than an MRI and way more fun!	1.2717	0.05804	92	72	15	5
1960	For some reason your blood pressure is elevated.	1.2717	0.05595	92	71	17	4
1961	Do I detect a little white coat syndrome? Don't worry. You'll fit right in.	1.2717	0.05377	92	70	19	3
1962	It's the same with surgery: a thousand cuts...but eventually I get it exactly right.	1.2717	0.05804	92	72	15	5
1963	If all goes as planned it should be minimally invasive.	1.2717	0.05595	92	71	17	4
1964	The University of Wallenda. Why do you ask?	1.2717	0.05804	92	72	15	5
1965	Just give me a call the next time you get the hiccups.	1.2717	0.04913	92	68	23	1
1966	Now, my last patient…he had insurance.	1.2717	0.05804	92	72	15	5
1967	I showed them this, but they still wouldn’t let me do the bris.	1.2717	0.06202	92	74	11	7
1968	As you can see, I am very skilled at what I do.	1.2716	0.05559	81	61	18	2
1969	If I nick it I fix it.	1.2716	0.06089	81	63	14	4
1970	It's our new much more effective acupuncture routine.	1.2716	0.06337	81	64	12	5
1971	Yup!! Only one spot we missed!	1.2716	0.06089	81	63	14	4
1972	Your insurance only covers the spinning wheel options	1.2716	0.05559	81	61	18	2
1973	The exploratory surgery found nothing.	1.2716	0.06337	81	64	12	5
1974	It’s our newest cardiac stress test.	1.2716	0.05830	81	62	16	3
1975	I told you losing weight would affect your lifespan.	1.2710	0.05405	107	84	17	6
1976	As you can see, It's important that you stay completely still during this phase of your recovery.	1.2710	0.05069	107	82	21	4
1977	How are you liking your zero deductible insurance?"	1.2710	0.05405	107	84	17	6
1978	I do only non-invasive surgery.	1.2710	0.05069	107	82	21	4
1979	Well,I took a stab at it and it appears nothing is wrong with you	1.2710	0.05240	107	83	19	5
1980	It's the latest test from Canada's health care system.	1.2708	0.05017	96	72	22	2
1981	I'd say your chances are about 50-50	1.2708	0.05231	96	73	20	3
1982	I would say your immune system is quite good!	1.2708	0.05826	96	76	14	6
1983	No. No need for general anesthesia.	1.2708	0.05437	96	74	18	4
1984	There’s your second’s opinion.	1.2708	0.04794	96	71	24	1
1985	This part of your exam I will test your ability to control your reflexes.	1.2708	0.05826	96	76	14	6
1986	Incisions, incisions, decisions!	1.2706	0.05648	85	65	17	3
1987	Yes, I graduated from Coney Island University. How’d you guess?	1.2706	0.06348	85	68	11	6
1988	We don't have much left to throw at you.	1.2706	0.05891	85	66	15	4
1989	That’ll be $120,000	1.2706	0.05891	85	66	15	4
1990	To think, all those years I could’ve been living the life—just me, my knives and the open road…small town to small town, funnel cake for breakfast, bang’n carnies…all of it wasted in medical school.	1.2706	0.05891	85	66	15	4
1991	First thing I do is not harm	1.2706	0.05648	85	65	17	3
1992	This is why I don’t I don’t carry malpractice insurance	1.2703	0.04779	111	84	24	3
1993	As with any operation, of course, risk assessment is a critical factor.	1.2703	0.04948	111	85	22	4
1994	You see, I am a very good surgeon.	1.2703	0.04948	111	85	22	4
1995	So first we begin with the eye exam.	1.2703	0.04948	111	85	22	4
1996	Before med school?... Ringling.	1.2703	0.05111	111	86	20	5
1997	Anything that draws blood won’t go against your deductible.	1.2703	0.05111	111	86	20	5
1998	and my parents said that year off to join the carnival was a waste of money.	1.2703	0.06174	74	57	14	3
1999	Just a little vasectomy practice.	1.2700	0.05660	100	79	15	6
2000	As you can see, surgery to date has been non-invasive	1.2700	0.04894	100	75	23	2
2001	You can unfreeze now.	1.2700	0.05291	100	77	19	4
2002	…and if it’s inside the lines, I’m IN network.	1.2700	0.05291	100	77	19	4
2003	Don't worry; I never miss.	1.2700	0.05291	100	77	19	4
2004	The actual surgery will also feature my beautiful assistant in her sequined leotard.	1.2697	0.05929	89	70	14	5
2005	For most patients it's a relatively noninvasive procedure.	1.2697	0.05709	89	69	16	4
2006	Not to worry, I always work better blindfolded.	1.2697	0.05709	89	69	16	4
2007	Look on the bright side. If I miss you won't need surgery	1.2697	0.05481	89	68	18	3
2008	Statistically speaking, I should get your operation right."	1.2697	0.05929	89	70	14	5
2009	The last twelve patients didn't feel a thing.	1.2697	0.04993	89	66	22	1
2010	So you see, it clearly wasn’t here where you lost your arm.	1.2697	0.05481	89	68	18	3
2011	Can I get a second opinion?	1.2697	0.04993	89	66	22	1
2012	To be honest, the process is somewhat akin to this.	1.2697	0.04731	89	65	24	0
2013	So as you can see, the robot is not perfect yet.	1.2696	0.05141	115	90	19	6
2014	They called Pasteur and Salk crazy, too.	1.2692	0.06496	78	62	11	5
2015	Well, I doubt we’ll need to do this again tomorrow if that’s what your asking.	1.2692	0.04970	104	79	22	3
2016	Like I said, Mr Bradshaw, unconventional, but you couldn't be in safer hands.	1.2692	0.05672	104	83	14	7
2017	All your results look good so far, but I have one more I'd like to try.	1.2692	0.05155	104	80	20	4
2018	It was an aura-ectomy.	1.2692	0.04779	104	78	24	2
2019	Hey bro, if you hadn't quit med school, you'd be able to see a pattern and chill out	1.2692	0.05155	104	80	20	4
2020	Just want to make sure everything is squared away with your insurance.	1.2692	0.04970	104	79	22	3
2021	This is where I practice aura surgery.	1.2692	0.04970	104	79	22	3
2022	Well, it's still not an exact science...	1.2692	0.05962	78	60	15	3
2023	And this is just a routine test we do with all of my clones.	1.2692	0.05155	104	80	20	4
2024	So far, so good.	1.2688	0.05949	93	74	13	6
2025	Steve realized too late that he booked his colonoscopy with the wrong doctor.	1.2688	0.05542	93	72	17	4
2026	Our last patient was a very lucky man.	1.2688	0.05327	93	71	19	3
2027	Then we have balloon animals for your angioplasty.	1.2688	0.04868	93	69	23	1
2028	I promise I won't miss when you're on the table.	1.2688	0.05949	93	74	13	6
2029	Or we could go with Ed Ames and a hatchet.	1.2688	0.05327	93	71	19	3
2030	Don't worry. You seem to fit the profile for patients who have survived this operation.	1.2688	0.05103	93	70	21	2
2031	I've got a great track record, so nothing to worry about.	1.2688	0.05542	93	72	17	4
2032	It beats getting sawed in half.	1.2688	0.05103	93	70	21	2
2033	Relax, I'm very precise.	1.2688	0.05327	93	71	19	3
2034	I think we'll go in through the nose.	1.2688	0.05542	93	72	17	4
2035	And now, I'll put on my glasses and try again.	1.2688	0.05103	93	70	21	2
2036	Is your appendix ready to surrender yet?	1.2688	0.04868	93	69	23	1
2037	Ok, I think we've done enough testing	1.2688	0.05103	93	70	21	2
2038	I can say for certain that you have a suppressed twitch response.	1.2685	0.04671	108	81	25	2
2039	It’s a bit misleading — it doesn’t show the errant throws.	1.2685	0.05520	108	86	15	7
2040	Now, you can opt for a more intrusive procédure.	1.2685	0.04853	108	82	23	3
2041	Does it hurt when I do this?	1.2685	0.04853	108	82	23	3
2042	How long have you had that twitch?	1.2683	0.05768	82	63	16	3
2043	As you can see, it can be a dangerous procedure.	1.2683	0.06504	82	66	10	6
2044	Circumsision is not a Big Deal....	1.2683	0.05768	82	63	16	3
2045	I hardly ever miss, ok?	1.2683	0.05768	82	63	16	3
2046	This has always been my aim as a surgeon	1.2683	0.05768	82	63	16	3
2047	Next we’ll need to test your reflexes	1.2683	0.06023	82	64	14	4
2048	You're out of network, Jerry, so it's the copay or the full body filet.	1.2680	0.05773	97	77	14	6
2049	'You choose I cut"	1.2680	0.05388	97	75	18	4
2050	It's ok - I've been practicing for 10 years.	1.2680	0.05388	97	75	18	4
2051	The process is called differential diagnosis. These we can rule out. Let's take one more stab at it.	1.2680	0.05185	97	74	20	3
2052	Not bad on average.	1.2680	0.05388	97	75	18	4
2053	For people with your condition it’s hit or miss but we’ve been getting good results with this new therapy.	1.2679	0.05227	112	88	18	6
2054	Actually,I prefer leaches for my annual blood letting	1.2679	0.05071	112	87	20	5
2055	Good news is you don’t have to wait long for the test results to come back.	1.2677	0.05055	127	101	18	8
2056	I think we’re getting closer to the root of your anxiety	1.2676	0.06004	71	54	15	2
2057	You won’t be going under the knife per se…	1.2676	0.06330	71	55	13	3
2058	No worries…I took an oath to do no harm!	1.2674	0.06060	86	68	13	5
2059	It’s a new form of alternative medicine called hackupuncture. It’s all tbe rage I hear.	1.2674	0.05591	86	66	17	3
2060	Not to worry. My patients have a 93 percent survival rate.	1.2674	0.05830	86	67	15	4
2061	It adds a bit of fun to surgery.	1.2674	0.05830	86	67	15	4
2062	Surprisingly, this is covered by your insurance!	1.2674	0.05591	86	66	17	3
2063	No worries, the next one won't miss.	1.2674	0.05591	86	66	17	3
2064	I'm a little unorthodox, but I am covered by your HMO.	1.2674	0.06496	86	70	9	7
2065	I obviously adhere to the Hippocratic Oath.	1.2674	0.05341	86	65	19	2
2066	Oh, go on, thirteen is my lucky number.	1.2674	0.05830	86	67	15	4
2067	Don’t worry, I sterilised it.	1.2674	0.05591	86	66	17	3
2068	First, we do weight, height, and perimeter.	1.2673	0.05052	101	77	21	3
2069	Let's cut to the chase...	1.2673	0.05430	101	79	17	5
2070	Ok, time to go to sleep.	1.2673	0.05052	101	77	21	3
2071	But YOUR surgery will be done robotically from seven time zones away.	1.2673	0.05245	101	78	19	4
2072	It cures everything.	1.2673	0.05052	101	77	21	3
2073	As we were taught, 'first do no harm.'	1.2673	0.05430	101	79	17	5
2074	So, are you still scared of needles?	1.2673	0.05430	101	79	17	5
2075	Your insurance company requires this pre-testing before they will approve the test that you actually need	1.2673	0.05430	101	79	17	5
2076	Okay, now tell me if this hurts.	1.2672	0.04952	116	90	21	5
2077	No need to worry. I aced Knife Throwing 101.	1.2667	0.04947	90	67	22	1
2078	And yet in so many other ways running away to the circus did prepare me for a career in medicine.	1.2667	0.05193	90	68	20	2
2079	Well, we can rule out a case of the flinches.	1.2667	0.05288	105	82	18	5
2080	Remember: if you see somebody you know, don't be waving to them.	1.2667	0.05112	105	81	20	4
2081	Trying out for America's Got Talent!	1.2667	0.06667	75	60	10	5
2082	We call it fright therapy, and I'm getting pretty good at it.	1.2667	0.05428	90	69	18	3
2083	So, where shall I begin?	1.2667	0.04947	90	67	22	1
2084	I just started doing vascectomies	1.2667	0.05653	90	70	16	4
2085	So, George, are you ready to go under the knife now?	1.2667	0.04929	105	80	22	3
2086	I get my surgeon's certification now. Thanks for your help.	1.2667	0.05624	105	84	14	7
2087	For most patients this colonoscopy clear-out preparation procedure is non-invasive.	1.2667	0.05653	90	70	16	4
2088	This is how we keep our surgeries so cheap.	1.2667	0.05428	90	69	18	3
2089	This is where we test your nerves.	1.2667	0.05653	90	70	16	4
2090	Are you familiar with the Ringling Brothers school of medicine?	1.2667	0.05288	105	82	18	5
2091	Don’t worry, adult circumcision still has a very high success rate.	1.2667	0.06102	75	58	14	3
2092	And that's what it would look like if I was a bad doctor	1.2667	0.04929	105	80	22	3
2093	It was me who drew the line, not the police.	1.2667	0.05428	90	69	18	3
2094	Would you like to guess where the next one goes?	1.2661	0.04814	109	83	23	3
2095	Are you ready to go under the knife now?	1.2661	0.05317	109	86	17	6
2096	Any questions about my fee?	1.2660	0.05056	94	71	21	2
2097	I’ll ask you ONE MORE TIME: ‘Are you in favor of healthcare cuts?’	1.2660	0.05892	94	75	13	6
2098	My incentive to patients to not gain weight.	1.2660	0.05892	94	75	13	6
2099	Sorry but we didn't get clear margins. We'll have to go back in.	1.2660	0.05278	94	72	19	3
2100	I assure you there is a really high survival rate.	1.2660	0.05490	94	73	17	4
2101	'I have a 90% accuracy rate. Just stand between the lines.'	1.2660	0.05490	94	73	17	4
2102	This is why I’m not a surgeon	1.2660	0.05278	94	72	19	3
2103	So this is what it means when patients go under the knife.	1.2660	0.05490	94	73	17	4
2104	Once we're in the operating room, the pattern I follow will change dramatically.	1.2658	0.06165	79	62	13	4
2105	Yes we can reattach your right arm.	1.2658	0.05317	79	59	19	1
2106	One more to put you on knife support.	1.2658	0.05896	79	61	15	3
2107	Due to budget cuts, we've run out of anesthesia...so we've had to improvise.	1.2658	0.05896	79	61	15	3
2108	Any bozo can do an appendectomy with a scalpel....	1.2656	0.04769	128	100	22	6
2109	No problem with nerves. Now lets see about circulation.	1.2655	0.05336	113	90	16	7
2110	Here's an outline of my body of work.	1.2655	0.05186	113	89	18	6
2111	OK, let’s get to the heart of this.	1.2655	0.05031	113	88	20	5
2112	Unfortunately, elective knife throwing isn’t typically covered.	1.2655	0.04872	113	87	22	4
2113	Turn your head and scream.	1.2653	0.05340	98	76	18	4
2114	It's the one test your HMO covers	1.2653	0.05720	98	78	14	6
2115	I need more practice.	1.2653	0.05340	98	76	18	4
2116	We prefer to use the term “survival rate” rather than “cure”	1.2653	0.05139	98	75	20	3
2117	Are you still worried about going under the knife?	1.2653	0.05139	98	75	20	3
2118	Now that we’ve each demonstrated steady nerves, the surgery may proceed.	1.2653	0.04712	98	73	24	1
2119	We almost always miss the patient. If we don't, you get your money back.	1.2653	0.05340	98	76	18	4
2120	Now what is it you want to cut out of your life?	1.2653	0.05139	98	75	20	3
2121	As you can see, our weight loss plan is targeted to achieve your optimum body shape.	1.2653	0.05533	98	77	16	5
2122	Let’s check those reflexes.	1.2653	0.05340	98	76	18	4
2123	They don’t make a silhouette showing where your appendix is - so I practice with this. Should be OK.	1.2653	0.05340	98	76	18	4
2124	And, the 13th knife goes here!	1.2651	0.05444	83	63	18	2
2125	Now that I'm warmed up, are you ready for your vasectomy?	1.2651	0.06201	83	66	12	5
2126	As you can see, it’s not exactly going UNDER the knife.	1.2651	0.05959	83	65	14	4
2127	I'm hoping this will be a non-invasive procedure.	1.2651	0.05707	83	64	16	3
2128	You were smart to choose us for our targeted therapy.	1.2651	0.06658	83	68	8	7
2129	That didn't work. Let's try sawing you in half.	1.2651	0.06201	83	66	12	5
2130	Ready for lucky knife 13?	1.2651	0.05444	83	63	18	2
2131	Don't worry this test is only if you don't have insurance.	1.2651	0.05707	83	64	16	3
2132	We have very few requests for middle-aged circumcision.	1.2651	0.05959	83	65	14	4
2133	You said you were ready to go under the knife!	1.2651	0.05444	83	63	18	2
2134	Should be fine, just wishing I hadn’t had that second cup of coffee.	1.2651	0.05959	83	65	14	4
2135	Well, we can't question your peripheral vision	1.2651	0.05444	83	63	18	2
2136	„Congratulations, you are a knife-repellent. They will name this after you.„	1.2651	0.05707	83	64	16	3
2137	…and is this your gall bladder?	1.2647	0.04606	102	76	25	1
2138	You ready?	1.2647	0.05383	102	80	17	5
2139	Your results are valid, they are just not reliable.	1.2647	0.05200	102	79	19	4
2140	So, do want to take another stab at it?	1.2647	0.05561	102	81	15	6
2141	Less than two percent have any complications at all.	1.2647	0.05383	102	80	17	5
2142	It's the new government ordained surgeons training board.	1.2647	0.05009	102	78	21	3
2143	Now that I'm warmed up, is your surgery on the left or the right?	1.2647	0.05383	102	80	17	5
2144	Oh no I don’t do acupuncture, just acute punctures	1.2647	0.05383	102	80	17	5
2145	Before becoming a doctor I used to work at the circus. Now let's check that prostate.	1.2644	0.05288	87	66	19	2
2146	Just how badly do you want that Oxy Rx?	1.2644	0.05535	87	67	17	3
2147	Don't worry, it's not brain surgery	1.2644	0.05535	87	67	17	3
2148	The treatment is worse than the disease	1.2644	0.05535	87	67	17	3
2149	And if it goes sideways, at least we have the outline for the autopsy.	1.2642	0.04702	106	80	24	2
2150	There’s less blood this way.	1.2642	0.04702	106	80	24	2
2151	Who needs precision when you have a degree.	1.2642	0.05069	106	82	20	4
2152	Would you be more at ease wearing a hair net?	1.2639	0.06253	72	56	13	3
2153	The procedure is, as you see, non-invasive.	1.2637	0.05144	91	69	20	2
2154	Don't be concerned, but you do have to remove your gown.	1.2637	0.06019	91	73	12	6
2155	Oh, so then you ARE familiar with the tomahawk throw on the Johnny Carson show.	1.2637	0.06019	91	73	12	6
2156	Volunteers get a 35 percent discount on surgery.	1.2637	0.05599	91	71	16	4
2157	One more knife and I move up to the next level.	1.2637	0.04901	91	68	22	1
2158	It's both a diagnostic and treatment for shape conformity.	1.2637	0.04901	91	68	22	1
2159	Notice anything missing?	1.2637	0.05599	91	71	16	4
2160	I think we should take another stab at that last round of tests.	1.2637	0.05599	91	71	16	4
2161	Ours is a cutting edge technique.	1.2637	0.05376	91	70	18	3
2162	Stand still while I check if you have any stabbing pains	1.2637	0.05813	91	72	14	5
2163	I think you'll agree, Mr. Jones, I'm pretty handy with a knife! Now let's get that appendix out.	1.2637	0.05813	91	72	14	5
2164	I’ll be honest with you I’m a nervous surgeon	1.2637	0.05813	91	72	14	5
2165	We’ve tested your reflexes now let’s test your fortitude.	1.2637	0.05144	91	69	20	2
2166	as you can see, it is an entirely non-invasive procedure	1.2637	0.05376	91	70	18	3
2167	He was murdered standing up	1.2637	0.05144	91	69	20	2
2168	Well, I've never done a circumcision before.	1.2636	0.04948	110	85	21	4
2169	I interned in a carnival, why do you ask?	1.2636	0.04948	110	85	21	4
2170	Feel better?	1.2636	0.05114	110	86	19	5
2171	Those damn dermatologists never clean up after themselves, they always leave it to the urologists.	1.2636	0.05430	110	88	15	7
2172	Think of your lifetime of smoking and no lung cancer as near misses, but the one I'm holding in my hand...	1.2636	0.05430	110	88	15	7
2173	Don't worry, it'll just help you not to move during this procedure.	1.2636	0.05114	110	86	19	5
2174	That's the basic outline. Now let's cut to the chase.	1.2632	0.05439	95	74	17	4
2175	Congratulations. You don't require surgery.	1.2632	0.05439	95	74	17	4
2176	Of course, a game of darts would be safer but where is your sense of adventure!	1.2632	0.05229	95	73	19	3
2177	We call this last one the 'neutering knife."	1.2632	0.05439	95	74	17	4
2178	What can I say. You're just lucky.	1.2632	0.05229	95	73	19	3
2179	"When they gave me my degree they said I was now able to practice."	1.2632	0.05733	76	58	16	2
2180	Mostly they had heart attacks.	1.2632	0.06316	76	60	12	4
2181	Don’t worry, the procedure is perfectly safe. It’s the insurance companies that will gouge you.	1.2632	0.06316	76	60	12	4
2182	I think you're now ready to go under the knife.	1.2632	0.05439	95	74	17	4
2183	If you hold still, this won’t hurt a bit	1.2632	0.05439	95	74	17	4
2184	Care to try for 13?	1.2626	0.05668	99	79	14	6
2185	So, what? Now you’re working on my aura?	1.2626	0.05094	99	76	20	3
2186	Those are the areas where we won’t have to make an incision.	1.2626	0.05292	99	77	18	4
2187	Before this next test I must warn you ... There is a small co-pay	1.2626	0.04445	99	73	26	0
2188	Let me outline the problem for you.	1.2626	0.05483	99	78	16	5
2189	Is 13 a lucky number for you?	1.2626	0.04887	99	75	22	2
2190	Don't worry, if I miss, you get a full refund.	1.2626	0.05094	99	76	20	3
2191	It's usually less invasive.	1.2626	0.05094	99	76	20	3
2192	No, we don’t do robotic surgery here. We prefer more traditional methods.	1.2626	0.05483	99	78	16	5
2193	Occasionally, but it washes out.	1.2625	0.05831	80	62	15	3
2194	I’m thinking of taking my act on the road.	1.2625	0.05831	80	62	15	3
2195	No, your silhouette doesn’t make you look fat.	1.2625	0.05553	80	61	17	2
2196	Insurance covers everything but the knife.	1.2625	0.06096	80	63	13	4
2197	Where would you like us to start?	1.2625	0.04950	80	59	21	0
2198	7.7% chance I’ll find anything	1.2625	0.06350	80	64	11	5
2199	I said a Baker's dozen.	1.2625	0.05831	80	62	15	3
2200	Now, to perform one last procedure.	1.2625	0.06096	80	63	13	4
2201	« Don’t worry. I always prepare an outline. I never go in blind. »	1.2625	0.04950	80	59	21	0
2202	This next procedure was designed by our tele-health promotional team	1.2625	0.05831	80	62	15	3
2203	Without trust, life is so paltry.	1.2621	0.05155	103	80	19	4
2204	I find symmetry very soothing. Don't you?	1.2621	0.05337	103	81	17	5
2205	It’s better than a colonoscopy.	1.2621	0.05337	103	81	17	5
2206	I think we're twins . . . where did you get those tall socks from?	1.2621	0.05337	103	81	17	5
2207	So you can see why I don’t need a robot to do remote surgery.	1.2621	0.05155	103	80	19	4
2208	I was told this procedure only needs to be performed once.	1.2621	0.05155	103	80	19	4
2209	We pride ourselves in our cutting-edge technology/	1.2619	0.05648	84	65	16	3
2210	Good news, bad news: the surgeon has terrible aim.	1.2619	0.06135	84	67	12	5
2211	My patients often ask me how good I am with a knife.	1.2619	0.05648	84	65	16	3
2212	You may feel a “pinch” at the beginning.	1.2619	0.06135	84	67	12	5
2213	I'm blind...I'm also not a doctor.	1.2619	0.06135	84	67	12	5
2214	But the circus life wasn't for me, so here I am."	1.2619	0.05115	84	63	20	1
2215	Nobody sees the misses.	1.2619	0.05115	84	63	20	1
2216	There's no charge for accidental vasectomies!	1.2617	0.05529	107	86	14	7
2217	I kind of fell into surgery.	1.2617	0.05367	107	85	16	6
2218	Your reflexes are delayed.	1.2614	0.05937	88	70	13	5
2219	This will test your blood pressure.	1.2614	0.04980	88	66	21	1
2220	Just think of it as an MRI ...with knives	1.2614	0.05480	88	68	17	3
2221	Ready for lucky number 13?	1.2614	0.05937	88	70	13	5
2222	The procedure is non invasive, but harrowing.	1.2614	0.05480	88	68	17	3
2223	Next time put on the johnny gown when you are told to.	1.2614	0.05937	88	70	13	5
2224	Part of our pre-op routine is a little trust-building exercise.	1.2614	0.05480	88	68	17	3
2225	You ARE cut out for this	1.2614	0.05480	88	68	17	3
2226	Mine is an alternative dermatology practice.	1.2614	0.05480	88	68	17	3
2227	You're my doppelgänger, do you really think I'd try to miss?	1.2614	0.05236	88	67	19	2
2228	The procedure has a 20% success rate.	1.2614	0.05713	88	69	15	4
2229	I'm also the house physician for Cirque du Soleil.	1.2614	0.05713	88	69	15	4
2230	For just two monthly payments of $19.99, they slice, they dice, they diagnose.	1.2614	0.05937	88	70	13	5
2231	You’ll be awake through the whole thing.	1.2614	0.05937	88	70	13	5
2232	this time, i’ll wear the blindfold.	1.2614	0.04980	88	66	21	1
2233	We treat the fringes of the body, not the whole body	1.2614	0.04980	88	66	21	1
2234	'Relax,this procedure uses a cutting edge new technology.	1.2613	0.04909	111	86	21	4
2235	Relax -- I'm even more accurate when I actually use my hands.	1.2613	0.04739	111	85	23	3
2236	Don’t move and you will be fine. See?	1.2609	0.05960	92	74	12	6
2237	Point to where you want it to hurt.	1.2609	0.05096	92	70	20	2
2238	One treatment and your tremors are gone--guaranteed!	1.2609	0.04856	92	69	22	1
2239	Seriously, I've done this operation at least a dozen times.	1.2609	0.05325	92	71	18	3
2240	My record speaks for itself.	1.2609	0.06073	69	53	14	2
2241	‘Of course, this record is not a guarantee of future performance’	1.2609	0.05325	92	71	18	3
2242	Now just a few questions about your insurance coverage.	1.2609	0.05325	92	71	18	3
2243	As an acupuncturist I’m continually honing my skills.	1.2609	0.06073	69	53	14	2
2244	With my tennis elbow, this will hurt me more than you.	1.2609	0.05325	92	71	18	3
2245	I like to loosen up before beginning. Now let’s get started on that vasectomy.	1.2609	0.04797	115	89	22	4
2246	Great job, we’re now halfway through the identical twins skills evaluation…now it’s my turn to throw.	1.2609	0.05325	92	71	18	3
2247	It's just a hobby of mine...	1.2609	0.05096	92	70	20	2
2248	I like to operate outside of the lines	1.2609	0.05325	92	71	18	3
2249	Think of it like a cop's firing range,only for Doctors!	1.2609	0.05096	92	70	20	2
2250	They call me "The Blade"	1.2609	0.05756	92	73	14	5
2251	It’s a 4-out-of-5 doctors thing.	1.2609	0.05096	92	70	20	2
2252	We've eliminated nearly everything. One more and I think we'll hit the problem.	1.2605	0.04539	119	91	25	3
2253	Feel lucky?	1.2604	0.04966	96	73	21	2
2254	I'll call in a pharmaceutical salesperson and you can try it yourself.	1.2604	0.04966	96	73	21	2
2255	Of course, with a real patient, we're more accurate.	1.2604	0.05589	96	76	15	5
2256	That should solve your constipation problem.	1.2604	0.04966	96	73	21	2
2257	It’s more like an open MRI.	1.2604	0.05182	96	74	19	3
2258	My surgical technique is completely hands-off	1.2604	0.05589	96	76	15	5
2259	I'LL GO FOR THE PROSTATE TEST	1.2604	0.05589	96	76	15	5
2260	Well, you asked for the cheapest possible vasectomy.	1.2604	0.05389	96	75	17	4
2261	My wart removal process is almost foolproof...	1.2604	0.05182	96	74	19	3
2262	See, 100% success rate. Exactly as advertised!	1.2604	0.05182	96	74	19	3
2263	Don't worry, just a routine check.	1.2604	0.05389	96	75	17	4
2264	And this is from my early research into knifeless surgery.	1.2600	0.05435	100	79	16	5
2265	Would you prefer precision or accuracy?	1.2600	0.05435	100	79	16	5
2266	We will start as soon as my assistant brings the saw from the box.	1.2600	0.05049	100	77	20	3
2267	Is it a hit or miss opportunity?	1.2600	0.05245	100	78	18	4
2268	Oh, don't mind that; I like to practice between surgeries.	1.2600	0.05049	100	77	20	3
2269	After covid, the Patellar knee jerk test just wasn’t doing it for me anymore. You passed, btw.	1.2600	0.05245	100	78	18	4
2270	I know what you're thinking, but don't worry--it doesn't spin.	1.2600	0.05435	100	79	16	5
2271	Told you you have nothing to worry about.	1.2600	0.04845	100	76	22	2
2272	Healthcare: hit or miss.	1.2600	0.05245	100	78	18	4
2273	Mr. McCarthy, it’s time for vote no. 13.	1.2600	0.05617	100	80	14	6
2274	We do it standing up now because so many people are afraid of going “under” the knife.	1.2600	0.05966	100	82	10	8
2275	If survivorship bias has taught me nothing, this will be a perfectly safe procedure	1.2600	0.04632	100	75	24	1
2276	We call it "aura acupuncture".	1.2600	0.05245	100	78	18	4
2277	No, those are from the chief resident. I'm just an intern.	1.2597	0.05963	77	60	14	3
2278	There are several next steps in your training, including scalpels and patients	1.2597	0.05359	77	58	18	1
2279	Your profile seems to be an ideal fit for surgery.	1.2597	0.05359	77	58	18	1
2280	Rest assured, Mr. Jones, this procedure is on the cutting edge of medical technology.	1.2597	0.05669	77	59	16	2
2281	Your Cut Scan results are in	1.2597	0.06511	77	62	10	5
2282	It's our new constipation cure. It scares the shit out of you.	1.2596	0.05633	104	84	13	7
2283	I always practice before vasectomies.	1.2596	0.05112	104	81	19	4
2284	Okay, now let’s pinpoint where it really hurts.	1.2596	0.04926	104	80	21	3
2285	I'd say your odds of getting cancer are zero.	1.2595	0.04672	131	103	22	6
2286	I put together this brief outline of your medical history.	1.2593	0.05493	81	62	17	2
2287	That’s and outline of my last patient. The police just sent it over.	1.2593	0.05483	108	87	14	7
2288	And for my next affordable care act, I will attempt to saw you in half.	1.2593	0.05768	81	63	15	3
2289	See, I have done this procedure before.	1.2593	0.04987	108	84	20	4
2290	I only wanted a close shave!!!	1.2593	0.05768	81	63	15	3
2291	Last chance to reconsider this vasectomy.	1.2593	0.04987	108	84	20	4
2292	I’m still pretty bad with a knife, but I’m feeling really positive about your upcoming vasectomy chances.	1.2593	0.04810	108	83	22	3
2293	Ok now stand against the board with your shoes two feet apart.	1.2593	0.04810	108	83	22	3
2294	To warm up...I put an apple on your head	1.2593	0.05158	108	85	18	5
2295	Looks like you didn’t make the cut	1.2593	0.05323	108	86	16	6
2296	Ready for number 13?	1.2593	0.06029	81	64	13	4
2297	I'd say you have a one in thirteen chance of surviving.	1.2593	0.04810	108	83	22	3
2298	Doctor: You see, I told you I wasn’t a backstabber.	1.2593	0.04987	108	84	20	4
2299	Look at my wall of knives with the silhouette of a man drawn on it. Notice there are no knife hole in the silhouette. I’m a doctor.	1.2589	0.05190	112	89	17	6
2300	Insurance companies still hesitate in full-coverage, even after my medical school residency at the Big Top	1.2589	0.05343	112	90	15	7
2301	See? There's nothing to worry about.	1.2588	0.05063	85	64	20	1
2302	This is a new minimally invasive procedure for colon cleansing.	1.2588	0.05835	85	67	14	4
2303	Ready for surgery?	1.2588	0.05589	85	66	16	3
2304	Don't worry, during the actual surgery I'll hit the mark.	1.2588	0.05589	85	66	16	3
2305	I usually try to keep my medical practice separate from my magic act, but since you asked.	1.2588	0.05589	85	66	16	3
2306	The treatment's effective, but it has some risks.	1.2588	0.05333	85	65	18	2
2307	Trust me. I’ve done it many, many, many times.	1.2588	0.05333	85	65	18	2
2308	You should see how we have to do it for folks with Medicare	1.2588	0.06070	85	68	12	5
2309	The advantage to this procedure is that none of our patients have ever reported a recurrence.	1.2586	0.04916	116	91	20	5
2310	Let's build up your confidence before the surgery!	1.2586	0.05212	116	93	16	7
2311	To be fair, I was supposed to miss with those knives. And I did. So you can naturally assume that I have decent aim with knives.	1.2584	0.05426	89	69	17	3
2312	Looks like your force field's still working.	1.2584	0.05656	89	70	15	4
2313	My Medical Illustrator Courtney Brendal will draw a spleen on the wall and then we can get on with the operation.	1.2584	0.05426	89	69	17	3
2314	We didn’t get all of it…	1.2584	0.05656	89	70	15	4
2315	It's more intense than acupuncture.	1.2584	0.05426	89	69	17	3
2316	It's genius really... Wherever it hits you, that's where you're sick.	1.2584	0.05656	89	70	15	4
2317	Don't worry. This is science. See the white coat?	1.2584	0.05426	89	69	17	3
2318	Don't worry. I have lucky #13 in my hand.	1.2584	0.05426	89	69	17	3
2319	I also operate while on a unicycle.	1.2584	0.04667	89	66	23	0
2320	Cutting edge surgery	1.2584	0.05878	89	71	13	5
2321	We've determined it's NOT a nerve problem.	1.2584	0.05426	89	69	17	3
2322	Or would you rather just cut out the snacks??	1.2584	0.05426	89	69	17	3
2323	My residency was in acupuncture.	1.2584	0.06297	89	73	9	7
2324	I take the Do No Harm oath seriously.	1.2584	0.05426	89	69	17	3
2325	Well that’s one way to get rid of hiccups.	1.2584	0.05185	89	68	19	2
2326	-or you can decide to have surgery?	1.2581	0.05275	93	72	18	3
2327	As you can see,my eye-hand coordination is nearly perfect.	1.2581	0.05275	93	72	18	3
2328	Most HMOs cover this	1.2581	0.05492	93	73	16	4
2329	Don’t worry, throwing knives aren’t my specialty	1.2581	0.05275	93	72	18	3
2330	Trust me, I'm no backstabber.	1.2581	0.05701	93	74	14	5
2331	This scan is hit or miss.	1.2581	0.05275	93	72	18	3
2332	We have a success rate of about 12 out of 13 with this procedure.	1.2581	0.05701	93	74	14	5
2333	Is this non invasive surgery doc?	1.2581	0.05275	93	72	18	3
2334	It's how I put myself through Med School	1.2581	0.05275	93	72	18	3
2335	Either way,	1.2581	0.05492	93	73	16	4
2336	They all had vision problems. I'm sure you won't miss!	1.2581	0.05275	93	72	18	3
2337	Doctor, what about between the legs	1.2581	0.05701	93	74	14	5
2338	I was a circus school dropout. So I settled for a medical degree.	1.2581	0.04811	93	70	22	1
2339	Before I operate I always like to test out my precision skills	1.2577	0.05135	97	75	19	3
2340	Well, time goes on. We are now switching to the double-blind protocol.	1.2577	0.04922	97	74	21	2
2341	First we practice, then we operate.	1.2577	0.05340	97	76	17	4
2342	Not to worry. I'm much better at this when you're lying down.	1.2577	0.05340	97	76	17	4
2343	Is this your first vasectomy?	1.2577	0.05538	97	77	15	5
2344	That does it for my warm-ups. Let's head over for your surgery.	1.2577	0.04464	97	72	25	0
2345	It seems your Aura is the problem	1.2577	0.05135	97	75	19	3
2346	This is minimally invasive...	1.2577	0.04922	97	74	21	2
2347	This time, let's try it with a blindfold.	1.2577	0.04922	97	74	21	2
2348	As surgical procedures go, it's hit or miss.	1.2574	0.05567	101	81	14	6
2349	Don't fret. Your odds of survival are better here.	1.2574	0.05387	101	80	16	5
2350	Everything looks good. You don’t need to go under the knife.	1.2574	0.04804	101	77	22	2
2351	Eleven out of twelve ain't bad.	1.2574	0.05387	101	80	16	5
2352	Did you sign the surgery consent form?	1.2571	0.04494	105	79	25	1
2353	Coming from a circus family, I like to keep in practice, now about your surgery...	1.2571	0.05069	105	82	19	4
2354	Anybody ever told you that you may not be cut out to be an assassin?	1.2571	0.05585	105	85	13	7
2355	We’re trying to put some fun into triage.	1.2571	0.05246	105	83	17	5
2356	Okay, now this one will test if you understand survivorship bias.	1.2571	0.05418	105	84	15	6
2357	Let's hope I get it right this time!	1.2571	0.05246	105	83	17	5
2358	I think we should get a professional to do this, doc.	1.2571	0.05069	105	82	19	4
2359	It is an HMO billing app	1.2571	0.04885	105	81	21	3
2360	It’s a relatively simple surgery as you can see.	1.2571	0.05069	105	82	19	4
2361	This is part of our new colonoscopy prep	1.2571	0.05069	105	82	19	4
2362	First we eliminate the obvious.	1.2569	0.04947	109	85	20	4
2363	A good scalpel is so hard to find.	1.2569	0.04772	109	84	22	3
2364	As you can see, the procedure is completely safe.	1.2568	0.05792	74	57	15	2
2365	This time, for sure...	1.2568	0.05463	74	56	17	1
2366	Not a very good marksman	1.2568	0.05463	74	56	17	1
2367	Are you familiar with Ed Ames?	1.2566	0.04666	113	87	23	3
2368	I'll see you next month for the archery tests.	1.2566	0.04666	113	87	23	3
2369	Whadda say twin brother; one more for good luck?	1.2564	0.05605	78	60	16	2
2370	Well, now we know what it's not.	1.2564	0.05605	78	60	16	2
2371	I was in the circus before I became a surgeon.	1.2564	0.05895	78	61	14	3
2372	The vasectomy is on the house	1.2564	0.05895	78	61	14	3
2373	I’ve always been good with a knife, so I sez, why not try my hand at surgery?	1.2564	0.04976	78	58	20	0
2374	My aim is improving.	1.2561	0.05151	82	62	19	1
2375	When my referring physician said you had great eye-hand coordination, I was impressed. I wasn't particularly looking for a surgeon who is a magician, though.	1.2561	0.05964	82	65	13	4
2376	I like to reassure my patients that I have a zero percent success rate.	1.2561	0.05964	82	65	13	4
2377	Whaddya say, double or nothing?	1.2561	0.05151	82	62	19	1
2378	Now that you trust my aim let’s get on with the vasectomy shall we?	1.2561	0.05964	82	65	13	4
2379	It simulates your current lifestyle choices.	1.2561	0.05964	82	65	13	4
2380	Hospitals are trying to add some fun back to being a patient.	1.2561	0.05964	82	65	13	4
2381	Your insurance pays for me to have BOTH eyes open!	1.2561	0.05435	82	63	17	2
2382	My fellowship was at Cirque du Soleil	1.2561	0.05435	82	63	17	2
2383	I'm afraid you're going to have to go under the knife.	1.2558	0.05013	86	65	20	1
2384	It's a bit controversial, but this new laxative treatment will clear you right up.	1.2558	0.05532	86	67	16	3
2385	So as you can see,our new AI knife-throwing computer is 100 safe.	1.2558	0.05279	86	66	18	2
2386	Relax	1.2558	0.05774	86	68	14	4
2387	sometimes i want to play darts when im in surgery so im combining them	1.2558	0.05532	86	67	16	3
2388	Relax, you're covered by your health insurance.	1.2556	0.05135	90	69	19	2
2389	If I were you, I’d eat more apples	1.2556	0.05373	90	70	17	3
2390	A little something I like to do before making that first incision.	1.2556	0.05135	90	69	19	2
2391	Now I’ll show you where I’m going in for your operation.	1.2556	0.05373	90	70	17	3
2392	Not to worry I only use sterilized knives	1.2556	0.05600	90	71	15	4
2393	Before we begin we will need you to sign our consent form.	1.2556	0.05600	90	71	15	4
2394	I'm a professional knife thrower. I only do surgeries in my spare time.	1.2556	0.05135	90	69	19	2
2395	Don’t worry, this is covered by your insurance.	1.2556	0.04886	90	68	21	1
2396	Congratulations. Your auraectomy was a success."	1.2556	0.05135	90	69	19	2
2397	This is how I spend my spare time.	1.2556	0.05819	90	72	13	5
2398	Looks like your condition is inoperable.	1.2556	0.05373	90	70	17	3
2399	We’re calling it “American Acupuncture	1.2556	0.06233	90	74	9	7
2400	If symptoms persist come back in four to six weeks.	1.2556	0.05819	90	72	13	5
2401	Before we continue with our examination, is your health insurance paid up?	1.2553	0.04768	94	71	22	1
2402	So I was thinking, why not put a little excitement in the ole vasectomy?	1.2553	0.05226	94	73	18	3
2403	There's nothing to worry about. If I hit you, I simply wave the copay.	1.2553	0.05226	94	73	18	3
2404	You'll feel a pinch.	1.2553	0.05440	94	74	16	4
2405	Your surgeon is Armenian	1.2553	0.05440	94	74	16	4
2406	No worries.	1.2553	0.05226	94	73	18	3
2407	well, i think we've established that I'm consistent with my knife work	1.2553	0.05002	94	72	20	2
2408	Well, I can say no patient has ever complained about a miss.	1.2553	0.05647	94	75	14	5
2409	Practice makes perfect, wouldn't you agree?	1.2553	0.05440	94	74	16	4
2410	Definitely you are not yet in a perfect shape.	1.2553	0.05440	94	74	16	4
2411	Stand tall and be the brave man that you want to be	1.2553	0.04768	94	71	22	1
2412	That was the magician, I'm your cardiologist	1.2553	0.05647	94	75	14	5
2413	My technique is cutting edge.	1.2553	0.05226	94	73	18	3
2414	The test result indicates that the vaccine has not made you magnetic	1.2553	0.05846	94	76	12	6
2415	this is just the warmup	1.2553	0.05226	94	73	18	3
2416	This is how i'm not gonna do it!	1.2553	0.05647	94	75	14	5
2417	Don’t worry. I almost always miss.	1.2553	0.05440	94	74	16	4
2418	I won "Doctors Got Talent" last year.	1.2551	0.04878	98	75	21	2
2419	Well, I think we've narrowed it down...	1.2551	0.05676	98	79	13	6
2420	‘You stand there and now it’s the medical students turn’	1.2551	0.05292	98	77	17	4
2421	I just scared whatever was wrong out of the last patient.	1.2551	0.04658	98	74	23	1
2422	Don't play with knives," mom always said. Well, look at me now	1.2551	0.05858	98	80	11	7
2423	In a minute, I’m about to feel some pressure.	1.2551	0.05089	98	76	19	3
2424	Yeah yeah acupuncture that's what this is...	1.2551	0.05089	98	76	19	3
2425	Don't worry, you'll be lying down for the real surgery.	1.2551	0.05089	98	76	19	3
2426	My nurse usually does this, but we’ve had some staffing shortages.	1.2551	0.05292	98	77	17	4
2427	Any doctor can just cut you open...	1.2551	0.05089	98	76	19	3
2428	Ok - now it’s my turn.	1.2551	0.05089	98	76	19	3
2429	As a surgeon, it's important for me to keep up with my knife skills.	1.2551	0.04426	98	73	25	0
2430	We use cutting edge technology	1.2551	0.04878	98	75	21	2
2431	You'll be laying down when we do yours.	1.2551	0.05292	98	77	17	4
2432	This is our best way to test if you are ready to go under the knife	1.2551	0.05089	98	76	19	3
2433	I used to perform in the circus. Maybe you’ve seen me?	1.2551	0.05487	98	78	15	5
2434	And they said my carnival training won’t translate to delicate surgery. But let’s get in there and prove them all wrong!	1.2551	0.05487	98	78	15	5
2435	I also perform brises	1.2549	0.04763	102	78	22	2
2436	After that, this should be a piece of cake.	1.2549	0.04763	102	78	22	2
2437	The dartboard's just for the diagnosis	1.2549	0.04763	102	78	22	2
2438	It's the "Surgeon 1.01"	1.2549	0.04963	102	79	20	3
2439	My method reveals a great deal more than standard imaging..	1.2549	0.04555	102	77	24	1
2440	I quite disagree. There's nothing hit and miss about it at all.	1.2549	0.04963	102	79	20	3
2441	Don’t worry. I’ve done thousands of these operations without losing a patient.	1.2549	0.04555	102	77	24	1
2442	Your insurance company only covers accuracy, not precision.	1.2549	0.04963	102	79	20	3
2443	This will be interesting. I've never thrown knives at my doppelganger. Also did I mention I hate myself?	1.2549	0.05155	102	80	18	4
2444	Don't be fooled by those misses . . .	1.2547	0.05372	106	85	15	6
2445	Get in there. I call it the Baker’s Dozen.	1.2547	0.04845	106	82	21	3
2446	Wait till you see what I can do inside the body!	1.2547	0.05697	106	87	11	8
2447	We nearly nailed you in a premature coffin.	1.2545	0.04907	110	86	20	4
2448	Though adult circumcisions are trickier, as you can see I’ve been practicing all day	1.2545	0.04907	110	86	20	4
2449	You think that's good? Wait till you see where I put this last one.	1.2544	0.04631	114	88	23	3
2450	Do not worry. You will be under anesthesia during the whole time.	1.2544	0.05259	114	92	15	7
2451	You’re gonna feel a little pinch	1.2544	0.05259	114	92	15	7
2452	It's a Banksy.	1.2541	0.04442	122	94	25	3
2453	Congratulations! You will be starting in the sequel of “Knives Out”	1.2535	0.06254	71	56	12	3
2454	Say 'Ah!'	1.2533	0.05724	75	58	15	2
2455	It's really just a process of elimination.	1.2533	0.05400	75	57	17	1
2456	This is our alternative to hospital insurance.	1.2533	0.06601	75	61	9	5
2457	Our aptitude test shows that you could have a great future in the circus, but you'd be a lousy serial killer.	1.2533	0.06031	75	59	13	3
2458	We try and pinpoint the lesion	1.2533	0.05400	75	57	17	1
2459	As you can see Mr. Morton, you’ll be absolutely fine. As long as you’re exactly the right size and shape.	1.2533	0.06031	75	59	13	3
2460	This treatment has not only straightened out people's back problems but it has fixed their posture as well.	1.2532	0.05829	79	62	14	3
2461	Unfortunately, this is the only treatment covered by your insurance.	1.2532	0.06101	79	63	12	4
2462	This is just a rudimentary outline of your diagnosis. I'd like to hone in on some inner areas.	1.2530	0.06143	83	67	11	5
2463	The good news is this time we won't be going in blind.	1.2530	0.05378	83	64	17	2
2464	So, I told you it was safe, no?	1.2530	0.05645	83	65	15	3
2465	David, I thought the first step should be some exploratory surgery.	1.2530	0.05098	83	63	19	1
2466	You will be a cut above the rest.	1.2530	0.06143	83	67	11	5
2467	Relax. It’s a twin thing.	1.2530	0.05378	83	64	17	2
2468	Ready to go under the knife?	1.2530	0.05098	83	63	19	1
2469	Way, way more fun than an MRI.	1.2530	0.05899	83	66	13	4
2470	Can you guess where this one goes?	1.2529	0.05476	87	68	16	3
2471	Yes, I know it's prostate surgery.	1.2529	0.04964	87	66	20	1
2472	You did well in your pre-surgery procedure.	1.2529	0.05476	87	68	16	3
2473	This is not my first rodeo.	1.2529	0.05944	87	70	12	5
2474	I'm gonna kill you, John.	1.2529	0.05944	87	70	12	5
2475	It seems to alleviate constipation in my patients	1.2529	0.05226	87	67	18	2
2476	Let's wait until my hiccups go away.	1.2529	0.04687	87	65	22	0
2477	And finally, this is what your insurance covers.	1.2529	0.05226	87	67	18	2
2478	It’s a death defying treatment	1.2529	0.05476	87	68	16	3
2479	Those are all the spots where we won’t cut.	1.2529	0.05476	87	68	16	3
2480	Unless, of course, it’s survivor bias.	1.2529	0.05715	87	69	14	4
2481	It's not really a test for you as much as it is for my eyesight.	1.2529	0.05476	87	68	16	3
2482	Once we get this darn package open, we’ll have a much better outfit for you to wear for surgery.	1.2529	0.05715	87	69	14	4
2483	You decide, do you want a physician or a magician?	1.2529	0.05715	87	69	14	4
2484	The only real risk is the bill.	1.2529	0.05226	87	67	18	2
2485	You're my first hernia	1.2527	0.05086	91	70	19	2
2486	The surgery has a 90% success rate. Ready?	1.2527	0.05086	91	70	19	2
2487	This is one diagnostic technique we save for last.	1.2527	0.05321	91	71	17	3
2488	The receptionist did collect your copay already, right?	1.2527	0.05546	91	72	15	4
2489	See it is possible not to hit you.	1.2527	0.05321	91	71	17	3
2490	Ever played Operation?	1.2527	0.05086	91	70	19	2
2491	Before we go ahead, our lawyer needs to know your average income for the past five years.	1.2527	0.05086	91	70	19	2
2492	Now say AAAAHH!	1.2527	0.05321	91	71	17	3
2493	As you can see, I don't have much experience with treating prostrate cancer.	1.2527	0.05546	91	72	15	4
2494	The odds, Harrison, are not in your favor.	1.2527	0.05970	91	74	11	6
2495	Breaking News: Local surgeon stabs distracted identical twin patient in the back.	1.2527	0.05086	91	70	19	2
2496	See, I told you only 1% of thrown knives are fatal - all of these were completely harmless!	1.2527	0.05086	91	70	19	2
2497	The pre-op prep is key.	1.2526	0.05593	95	76	14	5
2498	I call it... the Caesarean	1.2526	0.05593	95	76	14	5
2499	This is your last chance to show me you're able to be a surgeon.	1.2526	0.05177	95	74	18	3
2500	Let’s try that vasectomy one more time.	1.2526	0.05177	95	74	18	3
2501	This is what I've outlined for your surgery.	1.2526	0.05177	95	74	18	3
2502	I should warn you appendectomies can be hit or miss.	1.2526	0.05389	95	75	16	4
2503	Surgery is stressful for us too. Waiting for you to wake up, we stood you up and unwound with an amusing little game.	1.2526	0.06165	95	79	8	8
2504	I did my residency through Ringling Brothers.	1.2526	0.05177	95	74	18	3
2505	The manufacturer warns of a very slight risk of impalement.	1.2526	0.05177	95	74	18	3
2506	You were never in any real danger.	1.2526	0.05593	95	76	14	5
2507	It was an off day.	1.2526	0.04956	95	73	20	2
2508	Sure, juggling knives is dangerous, but it was the MRI that killed him.	1.2526	0.04956	95	73	20	2
2509	I think we’ve narrowed the options down to one or two.	1.2525	0.04836	99	76	21	2
2510	I suggest laser surgery. Say, have you ever watched "Goldfinger?"	1.2525	0.05245	99	78	17	4
2511	Makes you forget all about that gall bladder,eh?	1.2525	0.05438	99	79	15	5
2512	Doctor, I can tell you're cutting-edge in your field.	1.2525	0.05438	99	79	15	5
2513	The x-ray will help me zero in.	1.2525	0.05044	99	77	19	3
2514	oh yes, quite necessary	1.2525	0.05245	99	78	17	4
2515	I used to work in the circus before I became a surgeon.	1.2524	0.04921	103	80	20	3
2516	Well, I don't see any problems here, so we'll have to do a complete blood panel, a hearing test, a stress test, a chest X-ray, a biopsy, an EKG, an ECG, a CAT scan, and an MRI. Then we'll try again with bigger knives.	1.2524	0.04921	103	80	20	3
2517	steady as a rock and you?	1.2523	0.04805	107	83	21	3
2518	Thanks for coming in. We'll have your results in a day or two.	1.2523	0.04985	107	84	19	4
2519	Don’t worry, this is cutting-edge technology.	1.2523	0.04868	111	87	20	4
2520	The last patient walked away, with my knives.	1.2523	0.04519	111	85	24	2
2521	I think we're getting closer to diagnosing your problem.	1.2523	0.05194	111	89	16	6
2522	They named white coat hypertension after me!	1.2523	0.05349	111	90	14	7
2523	Exposure therapy for your aichmophobia	1.2523	0.04868	111	87	20	4
2524	How about if we just clone you?	1.2522	0.04916	115	91	19	5
2525	You’ll feel a little pinch on this last one.	1.2500	0.05492	92	73	15	4
2526	So we leave nothing to chance, let's decide now who gets to wear the blindfold.	1.2500	0.05837	84	67	13	4
2527	I’m much better with a knife if you would just lie down and relax.	1.2500	0.05764	80	63	14	3
2528	I like to keep things light with a carnival atmosphere.	1.2500	0.06033	80	64	12	4
2529	I use this if acupuncture doesn’t do the trick.	1.2500	0.04684	104	80	22	2
2530	We have a 95 percent recovery rate.	1.2500	0.04795	92	70	21	1
2531	See, I’ve got a perfect record.	1.2500	0.04879	104	81	20	3
2532	Let's try for a baker's dozen.	1.2500	0.05657	88	70	14	4
2533	Yes, it was buried among the forms you signed.	1.2500	0.06289	80	65	10	5
2534	You think this is bad? If you weren’t insured I woulda done it after my lunchtime bourbon.	1.2500	0.05186	80	61	18	1
2535	It's acupuncture -- Jersey style.	1.2500	0.05421	88	69	16	3
2536	This procedure for your anxiety is really hit or miss.	1.2500	0.05130	96	75	18	3
2537	Wish I were that skillful with the scalpel”	1.2500	0.05421	88	69	16	3
2538	Of course, during the actual procedure, we'll strap you to a rotating target.	1.2500	0.05837	84	67	13	4
2539	This new constipation cure is truly cutting edge!	1.2500	0.06176	72	57	12	3
2540	So let me ask you this.....are you feeling lucky?	1.2500	0.05175	88	68	18	2
2541	It's a bit like painting-by-numbers... but different !	1.2500	0.05322	84	65	17	2
2542	Best laxative ever. No drugs. Fast acting.	1.2500	0.05883	88	71	12	5
2543	Im better blindfolded.	1.2500	0.06077	84	68	11	5
2544	See? You won't feel a thing...	1.2500	0.06176	72	57	12	3
2545	Harry I’m your twin brother, trust me	1.2500	0.05175	88	68	18	2
2546	Do I have a choice?	1.2500	0.05764	80	63	14	3
2547	And this is where our surgeons receive their training, so as you can see they are quite skilled."	1.2500	0.05000	76	57	19	0
2548	I can get your aura back in shape in no time!	1.2500	0.05198	100	79	17	4
2549	It seems your organs are all working properly.	1.2500	0.05186	80	61	18	1
2550	Pick a knife, any knife.	1.2500	0.05658	76	59	15	2
2551	This could make it a Baker's Dozen. Care to try again?	1.2500	0.05851	72	56	14	2
2552	Well, like I said earlier, diagnosis is a tricky business.	1.2500	0.05585	84	66	15	3
2553	As you can see, he usually misses.	1.2500	0.05492	92	73	15	4
2554	And as an incentive to stick with your weight-loss program . . .	1.2500	0.05690	68	52	15	1
2555	We find that knife-throwing accidents are more likely to be covered by insurance.	1.2500	0.05038	92	71	19	2
2556	Doc, is this what you mean by cutting-edge treatment?	1.2500	0.04916	88	67	20	1
2557	How can you trust me with this and not your heart surgery?!?	1.2500	0.05038	92	71	19	2
2558	The last guy went 12 for 13.	1.2500	0.05175	88	68	18	2
2559	Now that we have your patient profile are you ready for the examination?	1.2500	0.05198	100	79	17	4
2560	So we've narrowed it down to the next surgery being within the outlined area.	1.2500	0.04911	96	74	20	2
2561	The pathologist has concluded that your problem is not cardiological.	1.2500	0.05764	80	63	14	3
2562	the scan of course will tell us more	1.2500	0.05322	84	65	17	2
2563	You've got insurance right?	1.2500	0.06077	84	68	11	5
2564	See, I don't even aim for the nads.	1.2500	0.05270	92	72	17	3
2565	Are you game for one more?	1.2500	0.05492	92	73	15	4
2566	I've learned a lot about heart surgery since medical school.	1.2500	0.04539	92	69	23	0
2567	Trust me, I know right where it is. Just hold still.	1.2500	0.05585	84	66	15	3
2568	The appendectomy was not a success.	1.2500	0.04994	112	89	18	5
2569	This test is to establish that a knife wound is not your main problem.	1.2500	0.05764	80	63	14	3
2570	First do no harm” is my mantra	1.2500	0.06176	72	57	12	3
2571	I learned a thing or two in culinary school.	1.2500	0.05322	84	65	17	2
2572	Everyone described an “ out of body experience”.	1.2500	0.05837	84	67	13	4
2573	Yes, we will hire you to outline the body at the crime scene	1.2500	0.05389	100	80	15	5
2574	... "Of course, superficial control is always adhered to."	1.2500	0.05046	84	64	19	1
2575	As you can see, these knives were thrown with surgical precision	1.2500	0.05705	92	74	13	5
2576	I’m not quite there yet as a surgeon, but I’m getting closer.	1.2500	0.05322	84	65	17	2
2577	It's the bleeding edge in imaging technology.	1.2500	0.05492	92	73	15	4
2578	It was a summer job	1.2500	0.05658	76	59	15	2
2579	That's a dozen misses, son. You'll have to sharpen your game or you will never get out of here.	1.2500	0.05038	92	71	19	2
2580	Sometimes the OR is a real circus so I've been practicing	1.2500	0.05186	80	61	18	1
2581	I specialize in aura plastic surgery.	1.2500	0.05883	88	71	12	5
2582	This thermal seeking blade will determine where the cancer cells are located.	1.2500	0.05198	100	79	17	4
2583	Jeremy, are you sure there’s nothing else you want to disclose in our session?	1.2500	0.05339	96	76	16	4
2584	We had to revert to some medieval methods with our MRI machine in the shop	1.2500	0.05705	92	74	13	5
2585	Gort. Klatu berrada nicto. Klatu. Berrada. Nicto.	1.2500	0.05837	84	67	13	4
2586	I know exactly where your heart is, and will avoid it at all costs.	1.2500	0.05322	84	65	17	2
2587	Before we get started, would you like a photo-op for your social media?	1.2500	0.06248	76	61	11	4
2588	ok… now we check your prostate	1.2500	0.05421	88	69	16	3
2589	Your insurance denied our request to use fluoroscopic guidance, so there’s no other option	1.2500	0.05585	84	66	15	3
2590	I’ve been practicing for months.	1.2500	0.05067	104	82	18	4
2591	And for my final trick, I’ll make you appendix disappear	1.2500	0.05421	88	69	16	3
2592	It’ll be an epic BRIS	1.2500	0.05541	96	77	14	5
2593	It’s amputative elective surgery for influencers. Wildly ineffective, horrifically entertaining.	1.2500	0.06749	68	55	9	4
2594	I swear your hiccups will be gone in less than 2 minutes.	1.2500	0.06033	80	64	12	4
2595	I'd offer protective gear, but you can't afford it.	1.2500	0.06063	68	53	13	2
2596	Your existential surgery was a success.	1.2500	0.05339	76	58	17	1
2597	Yes, I did attend clown college.	1.2500	0.04795	92	70	21	1
2598	for soul’s acupuncture we use the old fashioned style!	1.2500	0.05764	80	63	14	3
2599	The last patient did very well.	1.2500	0.05322	84	65	17	2
2600	The board wants us to show off our excellent track record.	1.2478	0.04624	113	88	22	3
2601	You might feel a little prick	1.2476	0.05203	105	84	16	5
2602	Great spacing,am I right?	1.2476	0.05024	105	83	18	4
2603	Remember, medicine is a practice.	1.2476	0.04838	105	82	20	3
2604	Just stay within the lines and you will be okay.	1.2475	0.04956	101	79	19	3
2605	The way we are dressed is not indicative of my success rate of the 13th throw.	1.2475	0.04956	101	79	19	3
2606	It's what we call psychic surgery.	1.2475	0.05152	101	80	17	4
2607	No, I never feel a need to ask about your insurance status.	1.2475	0.05152	101	80	17	4
2608	Seems like the anti-tremor medication is working.	1.2475	0.04752	101	78	21	2
2609	Who says laparoscopic surgery can't be fun?	1.2474	0.05290	97	77	16	4
2610	It's tried and true therapy. Never fails to focus the mind.	1.2474	0.05290	97	77	16	4
2611	Of course, you’ll be asleep whilst all this happens.	1.2474	0.05490	97	78	14	5
2612	We’ll, that takes care of the pre-op	1.2474	0.05682	97	79	12	6
2613	I’m not much of a surgeon, but I’m a hell of a knife thrower.	1.2474	0.05490	97	78	14	5
2614	Now, regarding your surgery, I'll get right to the point.	1.2473	0.05220	93	73	17	3
2615	Graduated a D+, why?	1.2473	0.05439	93	74	15	4
2616	Your co-pay is $10.	1.2473	0.04991	93	72	19	2
2617	Think about it this way... There's no co-pay.	1.2473	0.05220	93	73	17	3
2618	OK, we've eliminated some hypotheses. Now we zero in.	1.2473	0.04751	93	71	21	1
2619	The Speaker of the House is yours	1.2473	0.05220	93	73	17	3
2620	This should cure your fear of needles.	1.2472	0.05124	89	69	18	2
2621	Now the next one's a bit tricky.	1.2472	0.05367	89	70	16	3
2622	I learned what NOT to do from watching a Johnny Carson rerun.	1.2472	0.05367	89	70	16	3
2623	It's how I confirm I'm sober enough to do the tricky stuff.	1.2472	0.05124	89	69	18	2
2624	But remember, the average incision is only skin deep	1.2472	0.05124	89	69	18	2
2625	First, the good news: We've hit on no major problems. The bad news is we intend to keep trying	1.2472	0.05367	89	70	16	3
2626	Yes, all of my clinical rotations in med school were via Zoom due to Covid, but not to worry…I aced my exams!	1.2472	0.05600	89	71	14	4
2627	I believe it's important to establish trust with my patients before I operate.	1.2471	0.06013	85	69	11	5
2628	Now we test your ability to stand PERFECTLY STILL....	1.2471	0.05527	85	67	15	3
2629	The easy part is done.	1.2471	0.05527	85	67	15	3
2630	But there's a first time for everything.	1.2471	0.04995	85	65	19	1
2631	Please put your pants on.	1.2471	0.05268	85	66	17	2
2632	Looking at your chart, I would say surgery is not an option.	1.2471	0.05527	85	67	15	3
2633	Well, I preferred archery, but my mother wanted me to be a surgeon...	1.2471	0.05268	85	66	17	2
2634	Wait… then what did I just sign?”	1.2471	0.06013	85	69	11	5
2635	Gimme one more shot at that pesky appendix!	1.2471	0.05527	85	67	15	3
2636	I completed my residency at the Magic Castle.	1.2471	0.05527	85	67	15	3
2637	You want to repeat that about wanting a second opinion?	1.2471	0.05527	85	67	15	3
2638	Rotating tables are not covered by the bronze medical plan.	1.2471	0.04706	85	64	21	0
2639	Or would you prefer Watchful Waiting?	1.2471	0.05268	85	66	17	2
2640	It looks like your therapy sessions have been a success.	1.2471	0.05268	85	66	17	2
2641	So I said: accreditation, ashmedidation. Ringling Bros. is a fine medical school!	1.2471	0.05268	85	66	17	2
2642	So that's what I intend to do, more or less.	1.2469	0.05701	81	64	14	3
2643	It's our new cortisol stress test.	1.2469	0.05424	81	63	16	2
2644	Good news, this procedure is covered by your insurance plan.	1.2469	0.05701	81	64	14	3
2645	And I got my M.D. from Trump University.	1.2469	0.05424	81	63	16	2
2646	Yes! And that is exactly how I got started!	1.2469	0.05131	81	62	18	1
2647	I think you can guess where this last one is gonna go.	1.2469	0.05131	81	62	18	1
2648	Think of it as a stress test on steroids.	1.2469	0.05424	81	63	16	2
2649	It the very latest technique for losing that last ten pounds…	1.2469	0.05424	81	63	16	2
2650	Any more questions about my accuracy?	1.2468	0.06175	77	62	11	4
2651	you chose the budget appendectomy--results are not guaranteed	1.2468	0.05594	77	60	15	2
2652	Medical school wasn’t really my thing.	1.2468	0.05594	77	60	15	2
2653	We repeat this every week and you're guaranteed to slim down.	1.2468	0.05594	77	60	15	2
2654	I just need one more to warm up...	1.2468	0.05594	77	60	15	2
2655	Not many patients know the huge impact "I Love Lucy" had on me becoming a surgeon.	1.2468	0.05891	77	61	13	3
2656	Survives this, and you'll probably be cured.	1.2468	0.05594	77	60	15	2
2657	You see, if the procedure is successful the surgery will be non-invasive.	1.2468	0.05891	77	61	13	3
2658	I don't know if your insurance covers this procedure.	1.2466	0.05780	73	57	14	2
2659	Don't worry, we've got plenty of space available!	1.2466	0.06695	73	60	8	5
2660	See, my last patient survived	1.2466	0.05441	73	56	16	1
2661	Your chances of survival are one in thirteen.	1.2466	0.06101	73	58	12	3
2662	I'm a heart surgeon, not an optometrist	1.2466	0.05780	73	57	14	2
2663	Actually why don’t we throw medicine at the problem	1.2466	0.05441	73	56	16	1
2664	Spot the differences.	1.2466	0.06695	73	60	8	5
2665	You don’t seem convinced.	1.2464	0.06332	69	55	11	3
2666	what's to worry? You don't see any puncture marks inside the lines, do you? And it will really help you in keeping still...	1.2464	0.05986	69	54	13	2
2667	As you can see, the procedure is as painless as it is pointless.	1.2458	0.05238	118	97	13	8
2668	The last knife goes between the legs	1.2456	0.05071	114	92	16	6
2669	and as a bonus you get to keep the steak knives	1.2455	0.04690	110	86	21	3
2670	The surgery is quick and clean.	1.2455	0.04690	110	86	21	3
2671	As you can see, you're in good hands. I don't have to be board certified.	1.2455	0.04690	110	86	21	3
2672	Great. Can you actually make the incision this time though?	1.2455	0.04865	110	87	19	4
2673	Step right up to our patent pending cure for the hiccups!	1.2455	0.04509	110	85	23	2
2674	This is part of our pre-op before surgery.	1.2453	0.05159	106	85	16	5
2675	This next procedure may involve a little discomfort and/or the risk of disfigurement.	1.2453	0.04982	106	84	18	4
2676	Sure an MRI would be better, but it’s not covered by your insurance.	1.2453	0.04798	106	83	20	3
2677	Like I mentioned, it's practically an outpatient procedure.	1.2451	0.05107	102	81	17	4
2678	This is how I warm up for surgery.	1.2451	0.04712	102	79	21	2
2679	If you do everything I tell you, you won't be here long.	1.2451	0.04712	102	79	21	2
2680	See, I always get clear margins	1.2451	0.04914	102	80	19	3
2681	Does insurance cover this kind of anxiety treatment?	1.2451	0.04712	102	79	21	2
2682	As you can tell I’ve performed hundreds of these procedures without incident	1.2451	0.04712	102	79	21	2
2683	It’s frowned upon to operate on family members.	1.2451	0.04280	102	77	25	0
2684	Now, that wasn't so bad, was it?	1.2449	0.04601	98	75	22	1
2685	Your anxiety level has definitely decreased.	1.2449	0.05242	98	78	16	4
2686	My wife insisted I take up a hobby.	1.2449	0.04366	98	74	24	0
2687	Your BMI looks healthy."	1.2449	0.05439	98	79	14	5
2688	And you’re sure about the vasectomy?	1.2449	0.05242	98	78	16	4
2689	Shall we give the hypochondria test a whirl?	1.2449	0.05037	98	77	18	3
2690	in your case, I'd say the odds are about the same	1.2449	0.04824	98	76	20	2
2691	In the good news... we cured the 'existential' part, you now have simple anxiety.	1.2449	0.05037	98	77	18	3
2692	Circumcision is not an exact science.	1.2447	0.05387	94	75	15	4
2693	Rest assured your treatment will be highly targeted."	1.2447	0.04707	94	72	21	1
2694	I’ve found that patient survival rate increases dramatically when I hit the area surrounding the body, so that’s where I’ll aim.	1.2447	0.05171	94	74	17	3
2695	This always cures severe cases of hiccups.	1.2447	0.05596	94	76	13	5
2696	Just a little game my father taught me, before he passed away.	1.2447	0.05171	94	74	17	3
2697	So I missed your appendix … let’s try plan B.	1.2447	0.04944	94	73	19	2
2698	Now! Drop your pants and bend over!	1.2447	0.05171	94	74	17	3
2699	Don't worry! For your appendectomy, I'll try from closer range.	1.2447	0.05387	94	75	15	4
2700	You should see what I can do with a laser scalpel!	1.2447	0.05387	94	75	15	4
2701	our newest diagnostic technique, we call it "missing the point"	1.2447	0.05596	94	76	13	5
2702	13 is my lucky number.	1.2447	0.05171	94	74	17	3
2703	It,s good you weren’t on the Tonite Show	1.2447	0.05171	94	74	17	3
2704	Nice throws, but allow me to show you the difference between a layman and a surgeon.	1.2447	0.05171	94	74	17	3
2705	I hope you're not thinking it makes you look fat.	1.2447	0.04707	94	72	21	1
2706	You're half right! It IS called "A Knives Out Mystery", but that's Not Daniel Craig.	1.2447	0.05171	94	74	17	3
2707	Your force field was working today... I see!!	1.2447	0.05596	94	76	13	5
2708	It's the latest cutting-edge medicine.	1.2447	0.04944	94	73	19	2
2709	Of course it’s effective; patients almost never request a second session	1.2447	0.05387	94	75	15	4
2710	Let’s hope this distracts you from the fact that we look exactly alike	1.2447	0.05387	94	75	15	4
2711	So the tightrope walker says, 'Say, you know what you would be good at?'	1.2444	0.05314	90	71	16	3
2712	That's just a warmup, but we're taking acupuncture to a whole new level.	1.2444	0.05314	90	71	16	3
2713	So tell me, were you feeling tired and low energy during your treatment?	1.2444	0.05765	90	73	12	5
2714	Medicine has become a real circus	1.2444	0.05074	90	70	18	2
2715	No? Then it must have been an aura. That leaves a demon, which your insurance doesn’t cover.	1.2444	0.05978	90	74	10	6
2716	It's not just the decor I hate.	1.2444	0.05074	90	70	18	2
2717	Don't worry - your insurance will cover it.	1.2444	0.05074	90	70	18	2
2718	My residency did involve a rainbow wig,yes.	1.2444	0.05314	90	71	16	3
2719	It's my warm up for the surgery.	1.2444	0.05074	90	70	18	2
2720	Good news Carl. The insurance company agrees that we should actually cut you open.	1.2444	0.05544	90	72	14	4
2721	Funny how our folks, always praised you as the talented twin. Now, let's get to your vasectomy.	1.2444	0.05314	90	71	16	3
2722	You're scheduled for Monday, so we'll be good by then.	1.2444	0.04822	90	69	20	1
2723	Practice makes perfect." Judith Rosbe, Marion, M	1.2444	0.05765	90	73	12	5
2724	Relax. It's only a matter of life or death.	1.2444	0.05765	90	73	12	5
2725	All of your problems will soon vanish.	1.2444	0.04822	90	69	20	1
2726	It could have been worse.	1.2444	0.05314	90	71	16	3
2727	So the way this wormhole works . . .	1.2444	0.05314	90	71	16	3
2728	My oath says: "Do no harm."	1.2444	0.05544	90	72	14	4
2729	Yelp reviews? Vastly improved since my Lasik!	1.2442	0.05214	86	67	17	2
2730	Survivor bias? Never heard of it	1.2442	0.06393	86	72	7	7
2731	It's my update of the old Operation game.	1.2442	0.05470	86	68	15	3
2732	HE DIDN'T BUDGE	1.2442	0.05214	86	67	17	2
2733	What luck! I only need a vasectomy to win the free cruise.	1.2442	0.05470	86	68	15	3
2734	So how do you feel now that we're no longer Siamese twins?	1.2442	0.05715	86	69	13	4
2735	It's a real diagnostic time saver.	1.2442	0.05470	86	68	15	3
2736	The circumcision is scheduled for this Friday.	1.2442	0.04945	86	66	19	1
2737	It won't fix what ails you, but it's completely non-invasive	1.2442	0.05214	86	67	17	2
2738	Your insurance will only pay for surgery from a distance of five feet.	1.2442	0.04660	86	65	21	0
2739	Only 1 in 13 patients experience side effects.	1.2442	0.05715	86	69	13	4
2740	Looks good! You are in remission!	1.2442	0.05470	86	68	15	3
2741	Now, open wide and say "AAAAH!!!"	1.2442	0.04945	86	66	19	1
2742	Don't worry, it's just another form of acupuncture.	1.2442	0.05470	86	68	15	3
2743	The only question you need to ask yourself is 'Do I feel lucky?'''	1.2442	0.05715	86	69	13	4
2744	The operation was a success, but your aura died.	1.2442	0.04945	86	66	19	1
2745	In my off hours I work at carnivals to help pay off my medical school loans.	1.2439	0.05366	82	64	16	2
2746	We've had good results without an MRI.	1.2439	0.05366	82	64	16	2
2747	It makes your vasectomy seem less scary.	1.2439	0.05639	82	65	14	3
2748	You don’t trust your twin?	1.2439	0.05639	82	65	14	3
2749	It will hurt only if you move.	1.2439	0.05366	82	64	16	2
2750	Lucky for you it was a squid game	1.2439	0.05366	82	64	16	2
2751	My last acupuncturist was a Storm Trooper.	1.2439	0.05366	82	64	16	2
2752	As you can see, my knife skills are superb.	1.2439	0.05900	82	66	12	4
2753	This is essentially a noninvasive procedure.	1.2439	0.05366	82

Contest #833

Cartoon

Dashboard