Contest #825


Cartoon

825

The winning captions

These captions are chosen by The New Yorker.

  1. “Thanks for carving out a little face time.”
  2. "Just remember, you can be empty-headed and orange and still succeed in America."
  3. "So where do you see yourselves three days from now?"


Name Value
Submission deadline 2022-10-30T19:42:00.000Z
Voting started -
Voting ended 2022-11-13T20:42:00.000Z
Finalists announced 2022-11-07T20:42:00.000Z
Magazine(s) announcing finalists issued November 14, 2022
Number of captions 8175
Number of responses 808863
Number of participants -


Dashboard

In this table, the "mean" means the empirically measured average funniness score when the "unfunny", "somewhat funny" and "funny" receive a funniness score of 1, 2, 3 respectively. "Precison" is the standard error of the mean, the standard deviation of the mean estimate. With that, a caption with an empirical mean μ and precision σ has true mean in the range [μ - 2σ, μ + 2σ] with 95% probability by the 68-95-99.7 rule assuming the responses are indepedent and identically distributed.

Rank Caption Mean Precision Total votes "Unfunny" votes "Somewhat funny" votes "Funny" votes
0 Just remember, you can be empty headed and orange and still succeed in America. 1.9694 0.01557 3107 1218 766 1123
1 Thanks for carving out a little face time.” 1.8490 0.01316 3840 1611 1198 1031
2 First the good news. Nobody's getting canned.” 1.8337 0.01237 4233 1781 1375 1077
3 So, where do you see yourselves, three days from now? 1.8302 0.01266 3975 1661 1328 986
4 As part of our diversity initiative, Mr. Potato Head will be joining the board. 1.8285 0.01788 2082 902 635 545
5 Great news. We now have a dental plan! 1.8281 0.01521 2792 1183 906 703
6 There’s no sugarcoating it. Our prospects after November are rotten. 1.8208 0.01548 2545 1045 911 589
7 Anyone care to illuminate me? 1.8194 0.01483 2630 1041 1023 566
8 Let’s get through the office party tonight without anyone getting smashed. 1.8147 0.01263 3885 1630 1345 910
9 I just love to see your faces light up. 1.8136 0.01416 2902 1165 1113 624
10 Anyone planning on getting lit tonight? 1.8081 0.01593 2356 973 862 521
11 I'm sorry to say that some of you are going to be canned. 1.7953 0.01369 3243 1385 1137 721
12 Gentlemen, you'll be pleased to know today's pie is pecan. 1.7929 0.01523 2617 1121 917 579
13 At the end of this month, you're all getting canned. 1.7910 0.01422 3019 1303 1044 672
14 I apologize for making you all a bit uneasy. Perhaps "smashing success" was a poor choice of words. 1.7837 0.01515 2617 1130 923 564
15 We're ending the work-from-the-porch policy. 1.7772 0.01438 2936 1291 1008 637
16 Listen, the bottom line is, it takes guts, and you guys just dont have it in you. 1.7768 0.01604 2357 1036 811 510
17 I told you the work was seasonal when you started. 1.7753 0.01603 2256 964 835 457
18 Gentlemen, I brought you here because you’re the best in your field. 1.7674 0.02105 1350 597 470 283
19 That’s right, Jack, we’re all getting canned. 1.7612 0.01516 2609 1168 896 545
20 I’m afraid we’re going to have to make a few more cuts. 1.7581 0.01564 2294 988 873 433
21 Let's turn those frowns into smiles. Who has a knife? 1.7574 0.01517 2543 1127 906 510
22 And then a candle went off in my head… 1.7471 0.01845 1811 845 579 387
23 The shareholders are complaining about a lack of diversity. 1.7464 0.01464 2744 1243 954 547
24 I know putting on a good face will be hard for many of you. 1.7428 0.01452 2675 1186 991 498
25 Before anyone asks: yes, I had some work done, and yes, it makes me happy. 1.7419 0.01645 2255 1054 729 472
26 Heads up. I'm afraid we are going to have to make some additional cuts. 1.7415 0.01880 1640 742 580 318
27 After the meeting, let's all go out and get smashed. 1.7403 0.01765 2010 958 616 436
28 Let’s welcome our newest board member — also named Jack. 1.7342 0.02099 1343 623 454 266
29 The good news is we’re having a Halloween office party. The bad news is we’re gonna need pies. 1.7337 0.01552 2557 1218 802 537
30 Yes, I had some work done. 1.7313 0.01497 2654 1241 885 528
31 you ALL dressed as trump? 1.7301 0.01852 1901 945 524 432
32 I’ll need that pie chart by the end of the month. 1.7268 0.01581 2343 1093 797 453
33 I’m sorry, but you’re all getting canned. 1.7268 0.02318 1131 540 360 231
34 It brings me no joy to say this but very few of you will make it through November. 1.7252 0.01723 1994 939 664 391
35 I know it's Monday but I just can't get this smile off my face. 1.7215 0.01822 1727 802 604 321
36 Enough with the jokes about pie charts. 1.7203 0.01717 1952 911 676 365
37 From the looks on your faces I think we need to carve out a new strategy 1.7184 0.01643 2099 973 744 382
38 Heads are going to roll. 1.7172 0.01645 2058 946 748 364
39 What can I say? I was cut out for this job! 1.7138 0.02210 1188 563 402 223
40 Sad to say, but the lot of you won't make it past the end of the month. 1.7087 0.01831 1648 765 598 285
41 I’m here to lite a fire inside all of you 1.7065 0.01773 1714 787 643 284
42 Empty-headed, yes, but with an inner light. 1.7030 0.01858 1623 767 571 285
43 Gentlemen, look around. This time next week, half of you will be gone. 1.7017 0.01898 1569 747 543 279
44 Face it, not everyone is cut out for this type of work. 1.6991 0.01935 1439 669 534 236
45 Anyone have thoughts on how we remain relevant the other eleven months of the year 1.6979 0.01920 1493 704 536 253
46 Well, yes, Jack, I do anticipate layoffs come November. 1.6978 0.01908 1486 694 547 245
47 All in favor of switching to LED lights, raise your hand. 1.6953 0.01947 1444 682 520 242
48 I'm not sure you guys are cut out for this job. 1.6947 0.01941 1415 659 529 227
49 Now, which one of you is Jack? 1.6938 0.02043 1398 687 452 259
50 You will all be canned by the end of next month. 1.6906 0.02137 1335 677 394 264
51 I'm pleased to announce that we are now offering a dental plan. 1.6853 0.02187 1249 631 380 238
52 Concerns have been raised about diversity. 1.6823 0.02395 1048 534 313 201
53 And in the ‘scary swollen orange head’ category, once again we have been beaten by Donald Trump. 1.6750 0.02452 1086 588 263 235
54 Next on the agenda: staff requests for a new dental plan… 1.6734 0.02327 1044 521 343 180
55 Unfortunately, we have to make more cuts 1.6731 0.02368 982 483 337 162
56 It's the big weekend - let's get smashed! 1.6728 0.02272 1039 504 371 164
57 We'll be looking at a series of pie charts. 1.6667 0.02557 897 462 272 163
58 After the meeting is over, let's all go out and get smashed. 1.6660 0.02535 958 508 262 188
59 Thank you all for carving out some time to meet 1.6641 0.02436 917 455 315 147
60 Let's be clear. I can replace all of you as easy as pie. 1.6641 0.02403 914 446 329 139
61 Starting November first, heads are going to roll. 1.6621 0.02492 953 497 281 175
62 You're going to be restructured. We've already canned your boss. 1.6599 0.02511 882 446 290 146
63 The future is ours -- but only for about two weeks." 1.6594 0.02417 872 421 327 124
64 I’m announcing that I’m transitioning from Jack to Jacqueline 1.6579 0.02560 915 484 260 171
65 I'd like to know which one of you forgot the pie charts? 1.6571 0.02513 875 443 289 143
66 I expect that by the fourth quarter all our faces will be lighting up. 1.6560 0.02500 846 419 299 128
67 So, I guess brainstorming is out…. 1.6555 0.02606 839 433 262 144
68 Due to the pending acquisition, several of you will have to be canned. 1.6531 0.02682 810 425 241 144
69 All of you are going to be canned. 1.6501 0.02634 823 429 253 141
70 You will all be staying for the compost meeting. 1.6480 0.02698 784 410 240 134
71 Wait… is there anybody here NOT named Jack? 1.6466 0.02633 781 398 261 122
72 Alright fellas, we’re going to have to make cuts somewhere. 1.6451 0.02822 696 360 223 113
73 Our new health plan includes dental. 1.6450 0.02733 783 417 227 139
74 None of you has any guts. 1.6436 0.02813 724 382 218 124
75 Come on, we’ve all faced cuts before. 1.6426 0.02596 831 434 260 137
76 We're done here. Now let's go get lit. 1.6420 0.02802 743 397 215 131
77 First order: Gourdon, have you prepared the pie chart? 1.6407 0.02799 757 409 211 137
78 As some of you may have heard, we had to let Peter Peter go 1.6405 0.02903 701 378 197 126
79 Call me Jack please. Mr. O’Lantern was my father. 1.6379 0.02849 696 368 212 116
80 My next bit of news should make your faces all light up. 1.6370 0.02731 730 379 237 114
81 We’re facing some further cuts. 1.6338 0.02834 650 332 224 94
82 No, you all can't take Halloween off. 1.6323 0.03575 446 239 132 75
83 Unfortunately, we're going to have to make more cuts. 1.6280 0.02903 664 355 201 108
84 I heard your concerns and I want you to know you can all rest easy now. Peter-Peter has been fired. 1.6263 0.03173 586 323 159 104
85 We need to rebrand. Focus groups think Jack O’Lantern sounds too Irish. 1.6263 0.02874 693 376 200 117
86 We’ll skip the pie charts. 1.6250 0.03175 592 329 156 107
87 The good news is that this holiday is about candy. The bad news is that the next one is about pie. 1.6248 0.03139 613 343 157 113
88 'A board of reindeer will replace us on November 1.' 1.6246 0.03044 602 323 182 97
89 Then, we all agree we’ll never use pie charts. 1.6219 0.03077 603 329 173 101
90 I am going to keep tossing out ideas until I see someone's face light up! 1.6204 0.03301 540 300 145 95
91 The job is seasonal. 1.6195 0.03177 544 292 167 85
92 Good news Gentlemen, we are offering a full dental plan beginning November 1. 1.6195 0.03075 586 316 177 93
93 I was only kidding about the pie charts. 1.6193 0.02984 675 380 172 123
94 If we just put our heads together, I'm sure we'll come up with a great Thanksgiving dessert. 1.6170 0.03066 577 309 180 88
95 Good news. We are getting a Dental Plan. 1.6164 0.03199 610 352 140 118
96 Why can't anyone tell when I'm being serious? 1.6161 0.03108 560 300 175 85
97 As you may have heard, we’re being acquired by Mr. Potato Head. 1.6130 0.03285 540 302 145 93
98 It's just Jack Lantern. There's no Irish in my family. 1.6127 0.03211 519 278 164 77
99 You're all being canned! 1.6125 0.03242 529 289 156 84
100 I’d like to bring in a consultant. His name is Peter Peter….something or other. 1.6102 0.03429 508 289 128 91
101 Next week, two of us will be replaced by a female hubbard squash and a nonbinary rutabaga. 1.6091 0.03347 504 279 143 82
102 They're saying we won't make it to the end of November. 1.6087 0.03155 529 283 170 76
103 It’s that time of the year where we need to discuss making some cuts. 1.6076 0.03136 497 257 178 62
104 I apologize. I wasn't aware of the layoffs when I carved my face this morning. 1.6075 0.03344 507 282 142 83
105 We tend to have a rotten November. 1.6067 0.03267 506 275 155 76
106 Everybody in favor of apple pie for desert, say Aye. 1.6065 0.03337 526 298 137 91
107 Let’s go around and do introductions. I’m Jack. 1.6056 0.03091 568 310 172 86
108 Okay, guys, just relax! No one's getting canned. 1.6054 0.03325 522 294 140 88
109 The rumors are true, October 31 is our last day. 1.6052 0.03385 504 284 135 85
110 Don't look so sad, everyone Only one of you is being canned. 1.6050 0.03297 481 258 155 68
111 If sales don’t pick up soon, you’re all going to get canned. 1.5974 0.03406 462 254 140 68
112 Good news! Peter Peter is dead! 1.5920 0.03694 451 268 99 84
113 It’s called ‘trickle-treat-down economics’. 1.5909 0.03513 440 246 128 66
114 I'm afraid there will be additional cuts made. 1.5888 0.03482 428 235 134 59
115 We’ve carved out a new benefits package that includes dental. 1.5871 0.03541 419 232 128 59
116 I'm the only one cut out for this position. 1.5869 0.03408 443 243 140 60
117 I’ll try and keep this brief. I realize we all have front porches to get home to. 1.5866 0.03514 433 242 128 63
118 Despite our spirited efforts, the Smashing Pumpkins are still a band. 1.5844 0.03383 450 248 141 61
119 My apologies - I shouldn’t have used a pie chart. 1.5839 0.03688 423 246 107 70
120 I see good pumpkins in this room. But I don't see a great pumpkin. 1.5833 0.03666 408 232 114 62
121 Clearly, our efforts in diversity are failing. 1.5827 0.03599 393 216 125 52
122 I'm just as upset as you are. I'm just carved this way. 1.5812 0.03354 437 237 146 54
123 Welcoming our new members Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack and Jack.” 1.5804 0.03529 491 296 105 90
124 It's like a light just went on in my head." 1.5799 0.03654 388 216 119 53
125 Clearly, none of you are cut out for this job. 1.5794 0.03555 378 203 131 44
126 Unfortunately, we need to make a few more cuts. 1.5780 0.03449 391 208 140 43
127 Enough of this! Put on a happy face. I'll pass out the knives. 1.5780 0.03814 372 212 105 55
128 - Now…when I turn off the lights we’ll see who’s got the great idea! 1.5774 0.03348 433 235 146 52
129 The important thing is to keep a cool head through the end of the month. Then its the turkeys' turn to worry. 1.5768 0.03566 371 199 130 42
130 Most of you will be gone by November. 1.5767 0.03786 378 216 106 56
131 I smell pumpkin spice. Who farted? 1.5744 0.03944 383 230 86 67
132 I'm instituting a new dental plan! 1.5740 0.03700 392 224 111 57
133 Jack was canned this morning. 1.5714 0.03617 399 226 118 55
134 Gentlemen, let me begin by stating the obvious: diversity is an issue amongst our ranks. 1.5690 0.03939 348 201 96 51
135 And I don't want to hear about any of you going out on Halloween and getting smashed. 1.5682 0.03742 403 238 101 64
136 Once again, this year’s Halloween costume contest has ended in a tie. 1.5663 0.03597 392 221 120 51
137 Instead of layoffs.. think of it as a changing of the gourd! 1.5660 0.03770 371 213 106 52
138 Effective November 1st, you are all terminated. 1.5659 0.03766 364 207 108 49
139 Team, my apologies, but we still don't have a dental plan. 1.5646 0.03735 395 232 103 60
140 What are you grinning about, Jack? 1.5645 0.03783 349 196 109 44
141 Let's face it, gentlemen. It's 2022. Jill o'Lanterns should be considered for the board. 1.5642 0.03526 413 235 123 55
142 Enough work for today, who is ready to get lit? 1.5639 0.03860 360 209 99 52
143 There’s pie in the break room 1.5636 0.03629 385 218 117 50
144 I may be smiling on the outside but - just like you - I feel empty on the inside 1.5623 0.03947 345 201 94 50
145 I want you to start calling me Jacqueline. 1.5617 0.04098 324 190 86 48
146 Our projections—let’s just say November doesn’t look good for us. 1.5600 0.03899 325 183 102 40
147 It's nice to be part of a board that isn't all-white. 1.5600 0.03923 325 184 100 41
148 You all knew November would come eventually. 1.5595 0.03963 336 195 94 47
149 I’m afraid we have to make more cuts. 1.5549 0.03678 346 192 116 38
150 Before we begin, a moment of silence for everyone we’ve lost to pumpkin spice lattes. 1.5549 0.04085 328 195 84 49
151 Not you, Jack, the other Jack. 1.5545 0.03951 330 191 95 44
152 Illuminate me. 1.5545 0.03489 422 244 122 56
153 Last quarter's results were frightening. So, obviously, some heads must roll. 1.5542 0.03920 323 184 99 40
154 Sorry to tell you this but I had to can Jack. 1.5541 0.03783 370 217 101 52
155 We need this meeting like we need another hole in our heads, but here goes.... 1.5499 0.04044 351 215 79 57
156 Let’s adjourn. We have to get out for some turkeys coming in next. 1.5496 0.03781 373 221 99 53
157 The holidays are right around the corner, so some of you will be canned. 1.5493 0.03804 355 207 101 47
158 C’mon, I gotta light a fire in you guys! 1.5485 0.03977 330 194 91 45
159 One of you is being investigated for in-cider trading. 1.5477 0.04071 325 194 84 47
160 My only rule for presentations is no pie charts 1.5475 0.04376 305 189 65 51
161 Let's break for pie. 1.5472 0.03919 318 182 98 38
162 Hate to say, but you're all about to be canned. 1.5472 0.03778 371 220 99 52
163 Don't make me get out the pie charts again. 1.5449 0.04153 312 187 80 45
164 Expect more cuts.” 1.5444 0.03929 338 200 92 46
165 I’m not happy. I’m just carved this way. 1.5443 0.03863 327 188 100 39
166 ...after the holidays more cuts will have to be made. 1.5440 0.03944 307 175 97 35
167 We’re gonna need you to start burning the candle at both ends. 1.5435 0.03705 322 178 113 31
168 I'm sorry to announce that October 31 will be your last day. 1.5422 0.03850 367 222 91 54
169 What can I do to light a fire in you guys? 1.5417 0.04104 312 186 83 43
170 Clearly, the diversity initiative isn't working. 1.5414 0.04018 338 205 83 50
171 Pumpkin spice this Pumpkin spice that, we need to get a piece of this action 1.5410 0.03798 329 188 104 37
172 Come November 1st, you'll all be canned. 1.5407 0.04282 307 189 70 48
173 Our future, gentlemen, is plastics. 1.5402 0.04090 311 185 84 42
174 If you're vaccinated, you don't have to wear a pumpkin. 1.5401 0.04321 287 173 73 41
175 I’ve decided it’s time to bring in some new faces. 1.5377 0.04238 292 175 77 40
176 You're looking at me like I'm out of my gourd. 1.5375 0.04027 307 180 89 38
177 Welcome to our new gourdroom! 1.5370 0.04439 270 163 69 38
178 We need to hollow out upper management before we're ALL canned! 1.5363 0.04243 289 173 77 39
179 Well,the good news is if we all put our heads together we can get almost a dozen pies. 1.5358 0.03661 349 200 111 38
180 I see you all got the memo. 1.5344 0.04021 305 179 89 37
181 Morning Jack, hey Jack, hi Jack, Jack, always good to see you. Jack, is that you I see down there? 1.5333 0.04098 300 178 84 38
182 Sorry gentlemen, we will be making some additional cuts 1.5329 0.03981 289 165 94 30
183 Any ideas about how to carve out a better image? 1.5326 0.04250 291 176 75 40
184 We're going to be making some cuts. 1.5312 0.03900 288 162 99 27
185 It's a simple choice. Either bring the pie or be the pie. 1.5308 0.04440 260 156 70 34
186 I see a lot of me in all of you. 1.5304 0.03866 313 181 98 34
187 Our next presentation will be a pie chart. 1.5298 0.04238 302 186 72 44
188 And I promise you, all of you will get a piece of the pie here 1.5296 0.04248 253 145 82 26
189 Its been a productive meeting, now, lets go out and get smashed! 1.5282 0.04331 284 174 70 40
190 Sponsoring a squash tournament is just right for our brand! 1.5280 0.04396 250 147 74 29
191 Where’s Jack? 1.5268 0.04256 298 184 71 43
192 They knew the risk. If you're not at the table, you're on the menu. 1.5267 0.04189 281 167 80 34
193 Why the long faces? You knew more cuts were coming. 1.5265 0.04390 264 159 71 34
194 Turns out "empty headed" isn't a compliment. 1.5261 0.04590 249 152 63 34
195 The good news is we've been acquired by Elon Musk. The bad news is that we're about to be canned. 1.5260 0.04358 289 180 66 43
196 What? Now we have to hire a Jill-O-Lantern? 1.5258 0.04278 310 196 65 49
197 I will be staying on with the company. The rest of you will be carved-out." 1.5208 0.04456 240 142 71 27
198 We're going to have to let most of you go come November 1st. 1.5208 0.04495 240 143 69 28
199 Some of you will be squashed, some of you will be souped up, some of you will be gouged out and some will shine like a beacon in a stormy night, but just remember, Pumpkin Inc is proud of you all and your service to the community. 1.5206 0.03928 315 188 90 37
200 Good news. We've hired a diversity consultant! 1.5204 0.04022 294 174 87 33
201 I don’t think anyone here has the guts! 1.5182 0.04438 247 148 70 29
202 It’s good to be back in the office. I couldn’t tell any of you apart on Zoom. 1.5162 0.04476 277 176 59 42
203 Thank you for carving out face time. 1.5158 0.04322 285 178 67 40
204 Whoever brought pumpkin pie to the last meeting—not funny. 1.5154 0.04509 260 162 62 36
205 In keeping with our corporate image, we've eliminated the dental plan... 1.5146 0.04302 274 168 71 35
206 With pumpkin pie season upon us, all employee life insurance policies will be terminated effective immediately. 1.5144 0.04194 278 168 77 33
207 One of you could not wait for “stemless” Friday. 1.5142 0.04512 247 151 65 31
208 Who here thinks they can be the new face of the company? 1.5133 0.04445 226 132 72 22
209 Heads will roll come November 1st. 1.5131 0.04224 267 160 77 30
210 We're going to be losing a lot of you this November. 1.5128 0.04582 234 142 64 28
211 The quarterlies are good, but some heads have to roll. 1.5108 0.03906 278 160 94 24
212 It’s just Jack Lantern now. I’m dropping the O. 1.5105 0.04655 237 147 59 31
213 Jack, we’ve heard enough from you and Jack today. Let’s give Jack the floor. 1.5094 0.04191 267 160 78 29
214 When I say, Go!, pass your head to the person on your right. 1.5080 0.04613 250 158 57 35
215 We need to act quickly here before we turn into compost. 1.5076 0.04052 264 154 86 24
216 I really appreciate everyone carving out time for this meeting 1.5063 0.04460 237 143 68 26
217 It looks like we have some new faces. 1.5058 0.04380 257 158 68 31
218 It’s come to my attention we need a better dental plan 1.5058 0.04584 257 164 56 37
219 You’ll be relieved to know that Peter is no longer with the company. 1.5056 0.04637 267 175 49 43
220 I regret to inform you that we’re gonna need to make some cuts 1.5045 0.04563 224 135 65 24
221 The company needs to bring in some fresh faces. 1.5040 0.04136 250 146 82 22
222 You heard me correctly. Heads. Will. Roll. 1.5040 0.04508 250 156 62 32
223 I just want the person who pinned the pumpkin pie recipe to my office door to know I don't think it was funny. 1.5020 0.04537 253 160 59 34
224 Stay indoors with your doors locked and we will reconvene on November 1st. 1.5018 0.04100 281 171 79 31
225 Let's hear from Jack. 1.5000 0.04314 248 150 72 26
226 Don't look so glum. We've survived another Halloween. 1.5000 0.04951 206 129 51 26
227 Bad news, we terminated Jerry. Good news, there'll be pumpkin pie at lunch! 1.5000 0.04735 224 140 56 28
228 I see you're all cut out for this job. 1.5000 0.04436 250 155 65 30
229 Welcome to our anual meeting. It’s great to see so many familiar faces here again. 1.5000 0.04594 216 130 64 22
230 We have a diversity problem. 1.4980 0.04387 251 155 67 29
231 Thanks for leaving your patches on such short notice. 1.4979 0.04364 235 141 71 23
232 Corporate's looking for some new faces 1.4978 0.04404 229 137 70 22
233 There's no easy way to say this, but you're all getting canned! 1.4978 0.04793 223 141 53 29
234 Once again, I direct your attention to the pie chart behind me. 1.4976 0.04673 211 128 61 22
235 All in favor of removing the mask mandate, say 'aye'. 1.4976 0.04850 209 130 54 25
236 Back when I started this company, we used to have guts. 1.4962 0.04458 264 169 59 36
237 We finally have a dental plan. 1.4938 0.04494 243 152 62 29
238 Good morning gentlemen. The first topic will be a report on the company's Cultural Diversity campaign. 1.4938 0.04286 241 145 73 23
239 Sooo....our diversity numbers aren't great." 1.4928 0.04606 209 126 63 20
240 First, I'm sure we all agree that we've been through a rough patch." 1.4917 0.04273 242 146 73 23
241 Welcome to our first seminar on the importance of diversity in the workplace. 1.4913 0.04433 230 140 67 23
242 Some of you won’t be returning after the holidays. 1.4911 0.04606 224 139 60 25
243 Gentlemen I regret to inform you that on October 31st,heads are going to roll. 1.4910 0.04976 222 146 43 33
244 You will all be glad to hear that we have decided to terminate Peter Peter. 1.4909 0.05011 220 145 42 33
245 Let‘s talk about diversity in the workplace… 1.4906 0.04798 212 133 54 25
246 Most of you won’t even be here a month from now. 1.4906 0.04656 212 130 60 22
247 Unfortunately, most of you will not make it to the next quarter. 1.4897 0.04642 243 157 53 33
248 HR says we have a diversity problem. 1.4890 0.04687 227 144 55 28
249 Thank you all for carving out time to be here. 1.4885 0.04624 217 134 60 23
250 This October board meeting will be our last one . 1.4865 0.04766 222 142 52 28
251 Are we in agreement - no further cuts ? 1.4865 0.04548 222 137 62 23
252 Yes, candles. 1.4864 0.04799 220 141 51 28
253 The rumors are true, our first Jill o Lantern diversity hire starts on Monday. 1.4861 0.04450 216 130 67 19
254 Thank you for carving out some time to meet today 1.4858 0.04509 212 128 65 19
255 Whatsay after this meeting we all go get smashed? 1.4854 0.04901 206 131 50 25
256 You'll be glad to know that your new health insurance covers dental! 1.4852 0.04578 237 151 57 29
257 HR has said that we need more diversity. 1.4846 0.04687 227 145 54 28
258 Please carve a happy face when we meet with our investors next week. 1.4845 0.05128 194 125 44 25
259 Who’s the soon to be former employee that ordered the pumpkin lattes? 1.4837 0.05282 184 119 41 24
260 I’m bringing in a new consultant named Peter. 1.4837 0.05111 184 116 47 21
261 Well gents, times are changing. Looks like the public really wants a JILL O’Lantern. 1.4837 0.05226 184 118 43 23
262 We will no longer be using pie charts. 1.4836 0.04917 213 138 47 28
263 We're transferring some of you to the pie division. 1.4834 0.04671 211 131 58 22
264 I'm worried that many of you are suffering from burnout." 1.4833 0.04896 209 134 49 26
265 Okay, It's agreed. Peter Peter won't be allowed on the Board. 1.4829 0.05156 205 136 39 30
266 Unfortunately our facial recognition system wasn’t able to detect the culprit 1.4829 0.05015 205 133 45 27
267 Now that the numbers are in, Jason, could you show us your pie chart? 1.4823 0.04488 226 140 63 23
268 Sorry, but it looks like we're going to have to make further cuts 1.4821 0.05003 195 124 48 23
269 The new raises should put a smile on all your faces!!! 1.4818 0.04392 220 133 68 19
270 I’ve been informed the curse will end when we stop making pumpkin spice products. 1.4815 0.04909 216 141 46 29
271 I've decided to let you all go on November 1st 1.4813 0.04623 214 133 59 22
272 You don't know Jack. 1.4802 0.04880 177 107 55 15
273 I'm sure you're all wondering why I'm the only one carved with a smile. 1.4800 0.04502 225 140 62 23
274 We're cutting dental 1.4796 0.05087 196 127 44 25
275 O k, it's decided. Turkey, cranberries, mashed potatoes and stuffing for dinner. Now I need some volunteers for the pie. 1.4793 0.04804 217 140 50 27
276 Next on the agenda; I’ve prepared a pie chart. 1.4791 0.04746 215 137 53 25
277 We finally got dental coverage! 1.4790 0.04562 238 153 56 29
278 We had a very good quarter. Each one of you will get to be a piece of the pie. 1.4789 0.04343 213 127 70 16
279 I’m concerned about this Peter Peter fellow. 1.4787 0.05042 211 140 41 30
280 I think I've finally carved out a plan that will squash our competition." 1.4785 0.05126 186 119 45 22
281 I’m going to need you to carve out some time this weekend. 1.4780 0.04770 205 129 54 22
282 The good news is, we’ve been bought out by Apple. 1.4780 0.05092 182 115 47 20
283 The way things are going we'll all be gone by the end of the month 1.4767 0.05250 193 128 38 27
284 Will the stemless member please leave the meeting? 1.4764 0.04702 212 134 55 23
285 I'm afraid many of us won't be here next month. 1.4760 0.04313 229 140 69 20
286 Peter Peter will be conducting your year-end reviews. 1.4752 0.04922 202 130 48 24
287 The next one who says 'you don't know Jack" will be fired." 1.4742 0.04916 213 140 45 28
288 There have been absurd charges that this boardroom lacks diversity. 1.4741 0.04649 232 151 52 29
289 But good news is that in about a month, none of us are going to care much anyway. 1.4740 0.05166 192 126 41 25
290 So it looks like we are going to have to make some additional cuts. 1.4737 0.04929 171 104 53 14
291 We are not downsizing, we are “composting”. 1.4734 0.04784 207 132 52 23
292 Elon will be replacing me with a musk melon. 1.4734 0.04929 207 135 46 26
293 Take away the big chair and the permanent smile and I'm no different than any of you. 1.4734 0.05249 188 124 39 25
294 I don't see that fire in some of your eyes anymore.. 1.4723 0.04644 235 154 51 30
295 We’ll keep brainstorming until a light goes on in one of our heads. 1.4721 0.04804 197 124 53 20
296 So who wants to begin? Jack? 1.4712 0.04516 208 128 62 18
297 Gentlemen, light your candles. 1.4703 0.04850 185 115 53 17
298 Per your request, Peter Peter was not invited to this meeting. 1.4693 0.05390 179 119 36 24
299 I’m afraid we have to make a few more cuts 1.4692 0.04668 211 134 55 22
300 You do know, orthodontics is part of our health plan. 1.4672 0.06288 122 79 29 14
301 These are just seasonal cuts 1.4670 0.04581 197 121 60 16
302 I bet he wishes he hadn’t worn his smile head today. 1.4667 0.04485 210 130 62 18
303 What happened to the fire in your eyes? 1.4653 0.04555 202 125 60 17
304 There’s no easy way to say this. You’re all headed for the compost pile. 1.4652 0.04930 187 119 49 19
305 I call this gourd-of-directors meeting to order. 1.4650 0.04956 200 131 45 24
306 Unfortunately, recent political polls tell us the average American is sick of seeing orange men in office 1.4648 0.05133 213 147 33 33
307 The board think we have no guts 1.4645 0.04762 183 113 55 15
308 He talks to us as if we’re all empty-headed here 1.4630 0.05264 162 103 43 16
309 As you can see from the pie chart, our days are numbered. 1.4628 0.05024 188 122 45 21
310 Here's the scoop, some of you are not cut out to work here. 1.4611 0.05297 193 132 33 28
311 Our market research confirms that orange is the new black. 1.4611 0.05188 180 118 41 21
312 Good news! I’ve been named chairman of the gourd. 1.4602 0.05214 176 115 41 20
313 I know work-life balance is difficult this time of year… 1.4602 0.05151 176 114 43 19
314 Starting November 1st, some of you may be transferring to our pie department. 1.4602 0.04654 226 149 50 27
315 Don't take it personally, every fall pretty much everyone gets canned. 1.4601 0.04727 213 139 50 24
316 Hey you! You, without your stem. This is NOT casual Friday. 1.4597 0.04854 211 140 45 26
317 Nobody is smiling. I’m gonna have to make some cuts. 1.4595 0.05253 185 124 37 24
318 So after Stan’s unfortunate incident last year, can we agree no candles this year? 1.4595 0.04846 185 117 51 17
319 Alright people, it’s time to start using our heads. 1.4586 0.05307 157 100 42 15
320 I didn't see any of your eyes light up at my last proposal! 1.4581 0.05024 179 115 46 18
321 I’m afraid we’re going to need to make some additional cuts. 1.4577 0.04402 201 123 64 14
322 A recent forecast suggests we are entering a bad patch. 1.4573 0.04816 199 129 49 21
323 I thought we agreed to all carve a smile... 1.4571 0.04581 210 134 56 20
324 Any thoughts on the Pie Chart? 1.4571 0.05107 175 113 44 18
325 Oh come on fellas, one latte doesn’t make us cannibals. 1.4566 0.04951 173 109 49 15
326 I want to hear from Jack next 1.4561 0.05194 171 111 42 18
327 Thank you for carving out some time for me. 1.4554 0.04583 213 137 55 21
328 Today's topic is Diversity and Inclusion. Any thoughts? 1.4545 0.04890 176 111 50 15
329 Listen fellas, it’s 2022; if we wanna avoid lawsuits, you’re gonna have stop calling everyone in the office “pumpkin.” 1.4545 0.05191 165 106 43 16
330 Thanks for carving out time to be here today. 1.4545 0.05331 165 108 39 18
331 It appears that you're not happy with the pie chart results. 1.4541 0.04777 207 136 48 23
332 Okay, which one of you is wearing the Old Spice? 1.4536 0.04625 194 122 56 16
333 Does anyone else feel like we have a diversity problem? 1.4528 0.04880 212 143 42 27
334 Show them the pie chart, Gary 1.4528 0.04338 254 168 57 29
335 I'm sorry, but we're looking for employees with some guts. 1.4524 0.05459 168 113 34 21
336 Shareholders are complaining about the lack of diversity on the board. 1.4506 0.05184 162 104 43 15
337 Let's begin by taking roll. Jack? 1.4503 0.05191 171 112 41 18
338 So, who's going to donate their seed for next year’s crop? 1.4500 0.05062 180 118 43 19
339 Of course,none of us want to see this company carved up. 1.4500 0.04580 200 127 56 17
340 I got where I am by carving out a niche for myself. 1.4494 0.05647 158 107 31 20
341 At this law firm, we value diversity. 1.4492 0.04804 187 120 50 17
342 If sales don’t pick up this quarter, heads are gonna roll. 1.4486 0.05192 185 125 37 23
343 Quick... some brainstorming before our brains turn to mush 1.4486 0.05304 185 127 33 25
344 Gentlemen, orange is the new black. 1.4483 0.05948 145 99 27 19
345 Your performance this Halloween will be reflected in Thanksgiving’s pie chart. 1.4477 0.05101 172 112 43 17
346 Gentlemen, I have a smashing idea!! 1.4471 0.05472 170 116 32 22
347 As for the Holiday party I've booked The Smashing Pumpkins! 1.4471 0.05343 170 114 36 20
348 Not one of you has what it takes inside. 1.4467 0.04793 197 129 48 20
349 I think a little diversity is in order. 1.4466 0.04537 206 132 56 18
350 Why am I the only one smiling? 1.4464 0.05521 168 115 31 22
351 Thank you for attending our company’s annual meeting on diversity and inclusion. 1.4462 0.04998 186 123 43 20
352 I look around this room and I don’t see a single one of you with any GUTS! 1.4452 0.05579 155 104 33 18
353 Alright…Jack, why don’t you start. 1.4451 0.05136 164 106 43 15
354 Yes, I think it’s fair to say that being bought out by Mrs. Smith’s Pies constitutes a hostile takeover. 1.4451 0.05078 173 113 43 17
355 Go ahead, Jack. 1.4451 0.04806 173 109 51 13
356 The good news is our communications department wants a lot more pie charts.... 1.4444 0.04844 171 108 50 13
357 A lot of you are going to be out on the curb by the beginning of next month. 1.4444 0.04997 180 118 44 18
358 I'm afraid our only option is to make more cuts. 1.4444 0.04584 189 119 56 14
359 I’m the CEO, so I get the eight-figure compensation package and the smiley face. 1.4444 0.05187 171 113 40 18
360 So in summary, profit sharing is a tasty way for everyone to get a piece of the pie. Err, let me rephrase that… 1.4439 0.04740 187 120 51 16
361 I’m afraid we will be moving forward with a skeleton crew. 1.4432 0.04652 185 117 54 14
362 Heads are going to roll on November 1st. 1.4432 0.05074 185 124 40 21
363 Well, it's pumpkin-spice everything month, so some heads are gonna' roll! 1.4419 0.04607 172 106 56 10
364 And I still haven't brought out the pie chart. 1.4417 0.04738 206 137 47 22
365 Why am I smiling, you ask? Well, let's just say that Peter Peter finally got what was coming to him . . . 1.4417 0.05082 163 105 44 14
366 Yes, I am an optimist. I was carved this way. 1.4414 0.05696 145 97 32 16
367 Are you out of your gourds? 1.4412 0.05140 170 112 41 17
368 This explains why I found a stem under my wife's pillow. 1.4410 0.05201 161 105 41 15
369 You can expect layoffs to come November 1 1.4410 0.05421 161 108 35 18
370 I'm not seeing the fire in any of your eyes. 1.4403 0.05015 159 101 46 12
371 You will all want to look at the pie chart - 1.4400 0.04944 200 136 40 24
372 Pass the knife, I need to change my mood 1.4396 0.05015 182 121 42 19
373 Over to you, Jack. 1.4390 0.05204 164 108 40 16
374 so we finally got a contract with starbucks 1.4387 0.05499 155 104 34 17
375 For the next item, I need to pick your brains. 1.4383 0.04949 162 103 47 12
376 And then she said "Bippity boppity boo" and next thing I know it's morning and I'm sitting on the side of the road! 1.4383 0.05176 162 106 41 15
377 No more PIE charts! If I have to say it one more time, heads will roll! 1.4382 0.05280 178 122 34 22
378 Gentlemen, please go home, grab a knife, and turn those frowns into smiles. 1.4381 0.04950 194 131 41 22
379 We need more diversity. Get Mr. Potato Head. 1.4379 0.05149 153 98 43 12
380 Gentlemen, we’ve been directed to carve out space for more diversity. 1.4378 0.04711 185 119 51 15
381 The good news is we're going to start selling pies. The bad news is we're a little short of ingredients. 1.4378 0.05186 185 127 35 23
382 Anyone care to enlighten me? 1.4378 0.04648 185 118 53 14
383 The Board's going to look very different by Thanksgiving. 1.4371 0.04844 151 93 50 8
384 Do you mean Jack in accounting or Jack in marketing? 1.4370 0.05624 135 88 35 12
385 Let’s see some pie charts. 1.4370 0.05525 135 87 37 11
386 Triangles? That’s your big idea?” 1.4368 0.05308 174 119 34 21
387 As part of the company's new diversity initiative, the board is bringing in a cucumber and two types of melon. 1.4367 0.05345 158 105 37 16
388 Who wants to get lit? 1.4365 0.05093 181 122 39 20
389 So it's unanimous, then. 1.4360 0.04889 172 111 47 14
390 Sorry to inform you, but heads are gonna roll 1.4350 0.05052 177 118 41 18
391 This board has been criticized as empty-headed. 1.4337 0.04937 166 107 46 13
392 OK, this next one will make you laugh. 1.4333 0.04799 180 117 48 15
393 If profits don't increase by late October, heads will roll. 1.4326 0.05355 141 91 39 11
394 And with the introduction of pumpkin spice gefilte fish, our infiltration into cultural domination is now complete. 1.4326 0.05092 178 120 39 19
395 Some of you won’t make it to Christmas. 1.4326 0.04966 178 118 43 17
396 I don’t see the flicker of creativity in any of you! 1.4322 0.04473 199 128 56 15
397 That's not a pie chart - it's Ralph from Accounting. 1.4308 0.05772 130 86 32 12
398 The company has been sold to Cantaloupes Inc., and none of you will be needed going forward. 1.4304 0.05340 158 106 36 16
399 So to summarize, 11 coffees with pupkin spice. 1.4304 0.05108 158 103 42 13
400 The good news is you’ll all be going to this year’s stockholders’ banquet. The bad news is you’ll be going as pies. 1.4302 0.05221 172 117 36 19
401 Before we begin, I want us to take a moment to remember those of us lost to squirrels this week 1.4296 0.05715 135 90 32 13
402 We must squash the competition. 1.4295 0.05492 149 100 34 15
403 Thanks for carving out the time to be here today 1.4295 0.05688 156 109 27 20
404 Are we going to trick or treat the investors this year? 1.4294 0.04438 177 110 58 9
405 So many frowns. Am I the only one cut out for this work? 1.4286 0.04819 168 108 48 12
406 We realize the pie chart may be triggering for some of you 1.4278 0.05047 180 122 39 19
407 There’s bad news about the dental plan. 1.4277 0.05238 159 106 38 15
408 We are definitely not getting smashed after we adjourn. 1.4276 0.05338 145 95 38 12
409 Jack -- I need you and Jack to finalize the details with Jack and Jack by the end of the week. 1.4275 0.05738 131 87 32 12
410 Looks like one of us was happy with our bonus. 1.4268 0.05437 157 107 33 17
411 If they hadn’t scooped my brains out , I’d remember why I called this meeting. 1.4266 0.05389 143 94 37 12
412 I’m afraid we’ll have to make some more cuts 1.4265 0.04607 204 136 49 19
413 I guess you didn't get the stem memo, Roberts? 1.4264 0.06204 129 90 23 16
414 I would like to see more smiling faces around this table. 1.4259 0.04781 162 103 49 10
415 We’re closing our doors. I’m sorry, it looks like we’ll all be out on the street tonight. 1.4259 0.04939 162 105 45 12
416 Remember our motto - The darker it gets, the brighter we will shine. 1.4259 0.05240 162 109 37 16
417 I'm afraid we've spooked the markets. 1.4238 0.05011 151 97 44 10
418 So, how do we make having a big, orange head acceptable again? 1.4228 0.05232 149 98 39 12
419 For the tenth time, Johnson, we have no plans to offer dental coverage. 1.4228 0.05568 149 102 31 16
420 Good, everyone got the memo. 1.4222 0.04658 180 117 50 13
421 Let’s not lose our heads here. 1.4218 0.05368 147 98 36 13
422 With the gourds approval lets use the profits for seed money. 1.4214 0.05155 159 106 39 14
423 I've got some Smashing news... 1.4207 0.05260 164 112 35 17
424 It's normal to feel a bit hollowed out this time of year. 1.4207 0.05148 145 94 41 10
425 About that Dental Plan 1.4207 0.05679 145 100 29 16
426 O.K., show of hands. How many of you are planning to get smashed at the office party? 1.4205 0.05125 176 121 36 19
427 Of course we’re spooking investors, that’s the point 1.4201 0.05007 169 113 41 15
428 Relax. It's just an expression. No heads are going to roll today. 1.4201 0.04717 169 109 49 11
429 Let’s all get lit tonight! 1.4199 0.05080 181 125 36 20
430 Gentlemen, there's more than one way to get a head. 1.4194 0.05086 155 102 41 12
431 "Seed money for this initiative will be supplied by the head of each department." 1.4191 0.05769 136 93 29 14
432 In the interest of morale, I'll explain the budget cuts without using pie charts. 1.4190 0.04934 179 121 41 17
433 We're thinking like potatoes, not the pumpkins we are 1.4189 0.05509 148 101 32 15
434 Good news: we now offer dental. 1.4189 0.05164 148 97 40 11
435 Cheer up boys, and put on your happy face! 1.4184 0.05341 141 93 37 11
436 Anyone getting lit this weekend? Ha ha ha 1.4182 0.05374 165 115 31 19
437 Guys, get your head in the game here! It’s like lights are on but nobody’s home. 1.4179 0.05927 134 93 26 15
438 And to celebrate the great season we’ve had we’re all going to get lit up and smashed 1.4177 0.04853 158 102 46 10
439 You guys are just not cut out for this type of work. 1.4172 0.04831 163 106 46 11
440 I think we should go back to the K95’s. 1.4167 0.05488 132 87 35 10
441 We need a new pronoun. 1.4167 0.05895 132 91 27 14
442 We need to make our products less seasonal. 1.4167 0.05531 144 98 32 14
443 There’s no easy way to say this, but in about a month this entire board will be liquidated. 1.4167 0.05168 144 94 40 10
444 Starbucks has shifted to cinnamon spice! 1.4156 0.05349 154 105 34 15
445 I wish I had brighter ideas but they carved my brains out 1.4156 0.04936 154 100 44 10
446 well it's that time of year.....let's talk about our dental plan 1.4154 0.05756 130 88 30 12
447 Next week there will be pie in the break room. 1.4154 0.06157 130 92 22 16
448 Gentlemen, we’re not leaving this room until we carve out a better solution. 1.4150 0.05184 147 97 39 11
449 And finally, we will be disposing of the entire board effective November 1st. 1.4146 0.04962 164 109 42 13
450 - "Now don't look so spooked, we always make some cuts this time of the year" 1.4146 0.06101 123 85 25 13
451 Okay, anyone here not named Jack? 1.4145 0.05479 152 105 31 16
452 From now on you will all report to that Peter-Peter, something-or- other fellow in accounting. 1.4143 0.05643 140 96 30 14
453 Apple-cinnamon is starting to cut into our market share 1.4140 0.05035 157 104 41 12
454 On the plus side, we'll all be rotten by the election. 1.4138 0.04965 174 118 40 16
455 We have to diversify. We can’t just be about pumpkins anymore. 1.4138 0.05323 145 97 36 12
456 Now it’s time to light up. 1.4133 0.04675 196 133 45 18
457 Not all pumpkins are carved for upper management, I'm afraid. 1.4129 0.05241 155 105 36 14
458 I'll be working from home next Monday 1.4125 0.05199 160 109 36 15
459 When I peeked in the shareholders' conference room, they were looking at pie charts. 1.4124 0.04770 177 118 45 14
460 Who's up for a game of squash? 1.4118 0.05207 153 103 37 13
461 I can tell by looking around the table that our return-to-office policy isn’t popular. 1.4118 0.05855 136 95 26 15
462 Well, we all knew we’d have to make some tough decisions come November 1st. 1.4114 0.05168 158 107 37 14
463 I carved my way to the top 1.4113 0.05700 141 98 28 15
464 Our brains , our guts , when did we lose them? 1.4110 0.05886 146 105 22 19
465 Im going to get lit. Want to join me ? 1.4109 0.05678 129 87 31 11
466 All in favor of dental insurance, say "Aye"! 1.4109 0.05887 129 89 27 13
467 Heads won't roll, but they will get smashed. 1.4104 0.05823 134 93 27 14
468 We face new challenges on the latte front. 1.4103 0.04887 156 102 44 10
469 I’ve just got to run this by our gourd of directors. 1.4101 0.05086 139 90 41 8
470 At the end of the quarter we'll all be thrown out. 1.4094 0.05217 149 100 37 12
471 We’re here to discuss the ‘Peter, Peter’ problem. 1.4094 0.05304 149 101 35 13
472 No more empty headed ideas 1.4094 0.04741 171 113 46 12
473 These mask mandates are getting out of hand 1.4091 0.05342 154 106 33 15
474 I think it is time to light a fire in you all. 1.4076 0.05419 157 110 30 17
475 I'm proud to announce that the company has officially named me Chairman of the Gourd! 1.4076 0.05028 157 105 40 12
476 Prepare to wear a turkey on your head at next month's meeting. 1.4076 0.05108 157 106 38 13
477 I'm sorry, you all can't have Halloween off !! 1.4071 0.05258 140 93 37 10
478 Can we all carve out some time tomorrow? 1.4069 0.05225 145 97 37 11
479 As the new Gourd Chairman, my goal is to squash the competition. 1.4065 0.05981 123 85 26 12
480 Our meetings need a little spice. 1.4065 0.04988 155 103 41 11
481 Human Resources says I've been slow to address diversity. 1.4062 0.06018 128 90 24 14
482 Come on now, who's got that ol' fire in the belly? 1.4062 0.05915 128 89 26 13
483 So I've been hearing some grumblings about our new employee, Peter Peter 1.4062 0.05268 160 111 33 16
484 I'm glad to see that everyone got the memo. 1.4060 0.05652 133 91 30 12
485 ...and now...the dental plan 1.4056 0.05547 143 99 30 14
486 First, the bad news: Jack is no longer with us. Next, the good news: We all get a piece of the pie. 1.4052 0.05674 153 110 24 19
487 We need a business plan by Halloween or heads will roll. 1.4051 0.05161 158 108 36 14
488 And this year, let's try not to lose our heads. 1.4048 0.05012 168 115 38 15
489 I'm so happy you could all carve out time to be here today 1.4048 0.05654 126 85 31 10
490 Next on the agenda: November layoffs. 1.4048 0.05541 126 84 33 9
491 Who roasted the seed capital? 1.4048 0.05875 126 87 27 12
492 We need to face the fact that our previous cuts were not enough. 1.4046 0.05608 131 89 31 11
493 The vote is 6 to 5. ‘Trick’ it is. 1.4044 0.05360 136 91 35 10
494 And with the introduction of the pumpkin spice enema, our domination of the consumer marketplace shall be complete. 1.4043 0.05419 141 96 33 12
495 Let's squash that idea. 1.4043 0.05228 141 94 37 10
496 The pies have it 1.4038 0.04574 208 144 44 20
497 When I die, I’m choosing to be composted 1.4031 0.05773 129 89 28 12
498 Can't you just this once put on a happy face? 1.4029 0.05567 139 96 30 13
499 TSA is asking that none of us greet each other by saying Hi Jack. 1.4028 0.05336 144 98 34 12
500 As you know, we've recently gone through a rough patch. 1.4028 0.05336 144 98 34 12
501 As of November 1st your services are no longer required 1.4027 0.05032 149 99 40 10
502 We will start the meeting after John puts his stem on. 1.4025 0.05581 159 115 24 20
503 Some of you are about to get canned. 1.4025 0.04897 159 106 42 11
504 I must announce that after November 1st, everybody will be smashed 1.4024 0.04794 164 109 44 11
505 Let’s go around and give updates. We’ll start with Jack, then go Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack and finish up with Jack. 1.4024 0.04988 169 116 38 15
506 We need to develop a long-term sustainability plan beyond Halloween. 1.4017 0.05702 117 78 31 8
507 Good news! We just got dental. 1.4016 0.05417 122 80 35 7
508 "Well, of course, please convey the Board's condolences, but I don't believe I know Jack. 1.4015 0.05329 137 92 35 10
509 Mr. O'Latern is okay, but I prefer to be addressed as "the Great Pumpkin". 1.4015 0.05623 137 95 29 13
510 I am here to squash any rumours you may have heard... 1.4014 0.05570 142 99 29 14
511 Explain how you let Starbucks take and rebrand pumpkins from us! 1.4013 0.05411 157 111 29 17
512 The motion to be recognized as a fruit is unanimously approved. 1.4012 0.05065 162 111 37 14
513 I have a great idea for a recipe but it'll come at a great sacrifice for us all. 1.4000 0.05185 160 111 34 15
514 We'll meet again November 1 to replace smashed Board members." 1.4000 0.05778 135 95 26 14
515 Let me now introduce the company's new board chairman...Peter Peter. 1.4000 0.06041 130 93 22 15
516 Well ... I guess the rest of you just weren't carved out for this type of challenge. 1.4000 0.05149 140 93 38 9
517 If you can’t smile, you’re not carved out for this job. 1.4000 0.06026 115 79 26 10
518 I won't mention any names right now, but some of you are getting canned. 1.3988 0.05415 168 122 25 21
519 Come on, put on a happy face. 1.3986 0.05074 143 95 39 9
520 I'm afraid we need to make further cuts. 1.3986 0.04976 143 94 41 8
521 In this week's diversity meeting... 1.3986 0.05590 138 96 29 13
522 Than it is agreed. We remain on strike until we get a better dental plan! 1.3984 0.05800 128 89 27 12
523 first I want to announce that the caterer who served the pumpkin seed loaf at Friday’s meeting has been let go. 1.3984 0.05857 123 85 27 11
524 You asked for a picture of future employment prospects in the company. I've asked HR to prepare a pie chart. 1.3975 0.05234 161 113 32 16
525 Donald, Jr., you go first. 1.3974 0.05154 151 103 36 12
526 Are we vegetables or just decorations? 1.3974 0.05322 151 105 32 14
527 Clearly, the charges of nepotism are groundless. 1.3972 0.05772 141 101 24 16
528 Don't be glum...there's still a future for us in pies starting in late November 1.3971 0.05451 136 93 32 11
529 Welcome to the October witness protection program meeting. 1.3968 0.05971 126 89 24 13
530 Agreed, we cancel the dental plan? 1.3967 0.05924 121 84 26 11
531 Yes, it's a niche market, but I think we can carve out a role for ourselves. 1.3961 0.04911 154 103 41 10
532 Seize the moment gentlemen. This is our time to shine. 1.3957 0.05268 139 94 35 10
533 Yes, we will squash the competition. 1.3947 0.05456 152 108 28 16
534 Why am I smiling? I'm just cut out that way." 1.3946 0.05336 147 102 32 13
535 Meeting's over. Let's get smashed. 1.3946 0.05423 147 103 30 14
536 I'm pleased to announce that next Monday we will be welcoming a Zucchini to the Board. 1.3942 0.05319 137 93 34 10
537 Oh Come on! Lighten up! 1.3937 0.05607 127 87 30 10
538 It's not personal... we all knew this business was seasonal. 1.3937 0.05142 127 83 38 6
539 Thank you all for carving time out of your busy schedules 1.3937 0.05826 127 89 26 12
540 The first order of business is discussing the squirrel problem. 1.3934 0.05528 122 82 32 8
541 I am thrilled to introduce our new diversity and inclusion initiative! 1.3933 0.05343 150 105 31 14
542 We need to make a few cuts. 1.3932 0.05557 117 78 32 7
543 So Peter, you’re going to be picking up a gal by the name of Cinderella. And don’t be late” 1.3932 0.05942 117 81 26 10
544 I agree. Fuck squirrels. 1.3929 0.05617 140 99 27 14
545 Pie season is around the corner so today we’re bidding farewell to Stan and Fred. 1.3927 0.04912 191 137 33 21
546 We’ll still be searching for heads in the interim. 1.3925 0.06194 107 74 24 9
547 Think of it this way, it could be worse, we could be turkeys” 1.3923 0.05514 130 89 31 10
548 Did I ever tell you about the time I met Charles Schulz? 1.3919 0.05393 148 104 30 14
549 Fine. It'll be apple pie. 1.3902 0.05730 123 85 28 10
550 No. The other Jack. 1.3894 0.05820 113 77 28 8
551 As your new head, I intend to carve out a happier corporate culture. 1.3893 0.05372 131 89 33 9
552 The good news is you've all been selected to be in the pumpkin pie eating contest. 1.3893 0.06089 131 96 19 16
553 I understand some of you refer to me as 'Old Pumpkinhead.' 1.3893 0.05103 149 102 36 11
554 Let’s go around the table and introduce ourselves. I’m Jack. 1.3889 0.05199 162 115 31 16
555 Next on the agenda - Board diversification. 1.3889 0.05859 108 73 28 7
556 I'm pleased to announce, starting November 1st, you will all qualify for our dental plan. 1.3885 0.05356 139 96 32 11
557 Today's guest speaker will be Libby from catering. 1.3884 0.06027 121 86 23 12
558 Great news! Apparently, we're scaring the competition! 1.3884 0.05551 121 82 31 8
559 What do you mean Pumpkin Spice isn’t in our portfolio? 1.3884 0.05551 121 82 31 8
560 My next idea is illuminating. 1.3881 0.05180 134 90 36 8
561 We’re all born equal. But we’re carved differently. 1.3881 0.05597 134 94 28 12
562 Our research revealed we a glaring lack of diversity” 1.3874 0.06292 111 79 21 11
563 It goes without saying, we're gonna need to make some cuts. 1.3873 0.04603 173 117 45 11
564 We need to add a little spice to these meetings. 1.3871 0.05457 124 84 32 8
565 Technically, I think we're Jacks-o-lantern. 1.3869 0.05408 137 95 31 11
566 There will be no layoffs this year. In unrelated news, we'll start selling pies this quarter." 1.3866 0.05860 119 83 26 10
567 I’d love to carve that ridiculous smile off his face. 1.3865 0.04948 163 113 37 13
568 Bradley, 'cheater, cheater pumpkin eater' is not how we constructively express disagreement here. 1.3864 0.05552 132 92 29 11
569 Who's up for pie charts? 1.3862 0.05377 145 102 30 13
570 Ok, who has the pie chart? 1.3860 0.06041 114 80 24 10
571 It's come to my attention some of you feel our continued use of pie charts is a form of micro-aggression. 1.3852 0.05986 122 87 23 12
572 If your name isn’t Jack raise your hand. 1.3852 0.05636 122 84 29 9
573 Now let’s see whose head is getting chopped this year. Just kidding. 1.3852 0.05390 122 82 33 7
574 It's great to see some familiar faces back in the office. 1.3852 0.05462 135 94 30 11
575 I'm afraid we'll be making some additional cuts. 1.3852 0.05150 135 91 36 8
576 I believe the seeds of greatness are in all of us. 1.3852 0.05661 135 96 26 13
577 OK… very funny! Which one of you wrote 3.14 on the blackboard? 1.3852 0.05758 135 97 24 14
578 Jack, we need to squash the competition. 1.3846 0.05339 156 112 28 16
579 This would be a lot simpler if some of us weren’t named “Jack.” 1.3846 0.05337 143 100 31 12
580 SO....apparently, orange is NOT the new black. 1.3846 0.06020 130 95 20 15
581 To clarify: This is not a divestiture. It's a carve-out. 1.3839 0.06498 112 82 17 13
582 Don’t worry. We can pivot to turkey masks. 1.3830 0.04998 141 95 38 8
583 Ok who wants to do the stoop this year? 1.3828 0.05669 128 90 27 11
584 And lastly, my niece is stopping by this afternoon to select one of your heads for her doorstep. 1.3826 0.05869 115 80 26 9
585 It was a gourd way to squash the competition. 1.3824 0.06238 102 71 23 8
586 And now let’s hear from Jack. 1.3824 0.05752 102 68 29 5
587 Thanks for carving out this time to meet with me! 1.3824 0.05119 136 92 36 8
588 Well... You've all shown that you're willing to do whatever stupid thing I ask you to. 1.3817 0.05882 131 95 22 14
589 Now gentlemen, when you hired me I specifically said ‘I don’t know Jack!’ 1.3813 0.05536 139 99 27 13
590 All this power but I feel empty inside” 1.3810 0.05317 147 104 30 13
591 And is precisely why I am the face of this firm! 1.3806 0.05275 134 92 33 9
592 I am pleased to announce, we are going to make our first diversity hire. 1.3803 0.05263 142 99 32 11
593 Let's take a vote before our brains rot.” 1.3802 0.05537 121 83 30 8
594 Any ideas? Use your gourds! 1.3802 0.05898 121 86 24 11
595 The good news is we had a great quarter. The bad news is we are letting you all go as of November 1st” 1.3802 0.05780 121 85 26 10
596 Starting November 1st I’m afraid we’ll have to let you all go 1.3802 0.05660 121 84 28 9
597 Heads up everyone, I believe Elon will allow anyone with an orange face to tweet. So cheer up! 1.3800 0.05239 150 106 31 13
598 Don't look so glum. Libby's stock has never looked better. 1.3798 0.05524 129 90 29 10
599 I am not sure if any of you are really cut out for this 1.3796 0.05842 108 74 27 7
600 I may be the Great Pumpkin,but not to worry. You are no turnips. 1.3796 0.04874 137 91 40 6
601 And not one of you has the guts to stop me! 1.3796 0.05194 137 94 34 9
602 A candle for your thoughts 1.3793 0.05092 145 100 35 10
603 I am happy to tell you that all of you will be transferred to our pie division. 1.3790 0.05562 124 86 29 9
604 As you know sales were good this year, but the outlook for next month is rotten. 1.3788 0.05105 132 89 36 7
605 We're not yet in the black, but we are in the orange. 1.3788 0.05434 132 92 30 10
606 You're telling me no one here has any ideas about how we can carve out a niche in the market? 1.3788 0.05327 132 91 32 9
607 So, layoffs begin November 1st. 1.3786 0.05708 103 69 29 5
608 Trust me I’m not happy about it, guys. I’m just carved this way. 1.3786 0.05216 140 97 33 10
609 It's nice to see all your smiling faces. 1.3785 0.04795 177 125 37 15
610 A union? I didn’t think you had the guts. 1.3784 0.06406 111 81 18 12
611 Well, I think we have carved out an agenda. 1.3782 0.05330 156 113 27 16
612 I’m not trying to be alarmist I just think everyone should be ready for layoffs come November 1st 1.3780 0.05582 127 89 28 10
613 It's only going to take 4 of you to make the pie chart 1.3776 0.05138 143 99 34 10
614 I’m very proud to have been appointed as Chairman of the Gourd 1.3776 0.05138 143 99 34 10
615 Our lawyers say that, from now on, half the Board must come from other parts of the garden. 1.3776 0.06570 98 70 19 9
616 I think we need a diversity committee. 1.3770 0.05858 122 87 24 11
617 Personnel cuts will continue through the end of October. 1.3769 0.05489 130 91 29 10
618 Gentlemen, we need to diversify. 1.3761 0.05650 109 74 29 6
619 I’m very excited to announce our merger with the pie division. 1.3761 0.05943 109 76 25 8
620 If we can rebrand it to "gourd spice latte", we all keep our heads. 1.3761 0.05787 117 82 26 9
621 Good job! The competition can’t hold a candle to us. 1.3760 0.05641 125 88 27 10
622 Now I know it’s busy season for us, but I hope we’ve all had time to clear our heads. 1.3760 0.05975 125 91 21 13
623 I'd like to thank you all for coming to this important meeting on diversity. 1.3760 0.05755 125 89 25 11
624 And now, over to Jack for an update on our Diversity & Inclusion program 1.3759 0.05401 133 93 30 10
625 We need to light a fire in you. 1.3759 0.04884 141 95 39 7
626 This is when they all realized the lantern in Jacks head was not as bright as they previously thought it was. 1.3758 0.05343 149 107 28 14
627 We need to take the accusation that we're a bunch of pumpkin heads seriously. 1.3750 0.05203 128 87 34 7
628 Your new work attire will include candles in your heads. 1.3750 0.05805 120 85 25 10
629 It’s unanimous. We’ll be adding dental benefits. 1.3750 0.05547 112 76 30 6
630 So what’s everyone doing this weekend? 1.3750 0.05315 136 95 31 10
631 It’s official: I’m the Great Pumpkin 1.3750 0.05564 144 105 24 15
632 Good morning Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack and Jack. Help me welcome Jack from our Chicago office. Jack? 1.3750 0.06075 128 95 18 15
633 Canning, gentlemen. One way or another it will be your future 1.3743 0.04838 171 121 36 14
634 You guys don’t know Jack. 1.3742 0.04774 163 113 39 11
635 I promise, it'll be as easy as pie. 1.3741 0.05525 139 100 26 13
636 Let's put out heads together and come up with a smashing new idea. 1.3740 0.05455 131 92 29 10
637 Sorry to inform you that you're all being canned..oops, I mean fired! 1.3740 0.05235 131 90 33 8
638 Just blend in and see if you see anything suspicious 1.3739 0.05983 115 82 23 10
639 We've been accused of lacking diversity. 1.3733 0.05313 150 108 28 14
640 Gentlemen, use your heads. These are perishable commodities in a seasonal market. 1.3733 0.05397 150 109 26 15
641 We had to let Jack go. 1.3732 0.05156 142 99 33 10
642 We need a volunteer for the city catapult contest. 1.3731 0.05573 134 96 26 12
643 ... so your last day will be Thanksgiving. 1.3730 0.05826 126 91 23 12
644 Welcome to this workshop on how to carve out a new career. 1.3730 0.05253 126 86 33 7
645 I know, but the kid from Wharton said it works. 1.3723 0.06414 94 66 21 7
646 Because I am Chairman of the Gourd, that's why! 1.3723 0.05284 137 96 31 10
647 Gentlemen, I'd like to announce our new CEO-- Peter Peter. 1.3723 0.06042 137 104 15 18
648 Ok, Everybody smile 1.3721 0.06035 129 96 18 15
649 I think we can all agree the Squash tournament was a disaster... 1.3719 0.05765 121 86 25 10
650 'Looking around the room, I'm not sure you believe me when I say "I'm not happy unless you're happy."' 1.3717 0.05922 113 80 24 9
651 We’ve burned through our seed money. 1.3714 0.05286 105 69 33 3
652 All in favor of “ no candles” say boo hoo 1.3714 0.05783 105 72 27 6
653 Actually, I prefer to be called John-O-Lantern 1.3714 0.05397 140 100 28 12
654 Additional cuts are necessary before we can all smile again. 1.3710 0.05664 124 88 26 10
655 Well. I'm glad we're of the same mind. 1.3710 0.05664 124 88 26 10
656 Too many Jacks, not enough Jills! 1.3710 0.05664 124 88 26 10
657 I see we have some new faces here this year 1.3710 0.05779 124 89 24 11
658 It's an honour to be elected Chairman of the Gourd. 1.3706 0.05126 143 100 33 10
659 I'm not really happy, I'm just carved that way. 1.3704 0.06113 108 77 22 9
660 I’m afraid they’ll be cuts. 1.3701 0.05339 127 88 31 8
661 Heads are gonna roll. 1.3701 0.05454 127 89 29 9
662 So, HR says we have too many Jack-Os and not enough Jill-Os. 1.3701 0.05568 127 90 27 10
663 All right team.. let's carve out our strategy for this halloween season 1.3701 0.05099 127 86 35 6
664 I can see it in your faces, last quarter's results were grim. 1.3700 0.05972 100 69 25 6
665 As Chairman of the Gourd, your motion is squashed. 1.3697 0.05044 119 79 36 4
666 As the only talking head, I declare myself the winner. 1.3694 0.05993 111 79 23 9
667 Let's wrap this up by going around the table and everyone sharing what they're grateful for.... 1.3689 0.06758 103 77 14 12
668 What we need now is a pie chart! 1.3689 0.05726 122 87 25 10
669 You've all been transferred to our spiced latte division 1.3684 0.05387 133 94 29 10
670 I'm honored to accept this promotion in light of Bob's face being eaten by a squirrel. 1.3684 0.06010 114 82 22 10
671 Gentlemen, I'll be frank. Some of you will most likely become pies by the end of this three week seminar... 1.3684 0.05996 95 65 25 5
672 No, this is just the way my face was carved. The earnings reports was terrible. 1.3680 0.05627 125 89 26 10
673 Read the room, Jack. 1.3676 0.05302 136 96 30 10
674 Smiling? You must be out of your gourd. 1.3675 0.05642 117 82 27 8
675 Gentlemen, the end is near. 1.3675 0.05235 117 79 33 5
676 I'm starting to sense a patch of negativity 1.3675 0.06021 117 85 21 11
677 I take it no one liked the Halloween bonuses”. 1.3672 0.05960 128 95 19 14
678 You're all being laid off on the first of November. 1.3672 0.05187 128 88 33 7
679 Those who underperform in the trick-or-treat project will be assigned to the Thanksgiving banquet project. 1.3670 0.05779 109 76 26 7
680 Alright you pumpkin heads! What else we got besides Halloween? 1.3669 0.05120 139 97 33 9
681 Jack, I’d like to hear from you. 1.3664 0.04990 131 89 36 6
682 Yes, I was made CEO because I'm the only one of us with a smile. 1.3664 0.05107 131 90 34 7
683 Always good to connect with everyone off vine. 1.3663 0.05755 101 69 27 5
684 Thank you all for joining me in the gourdroom. 1.3661 0.05672 112 78 27 7
685 Jane O Lantern will be taking over! 1.3661 0.05073 112 74 35 3
686 I'm looking for diversity on this board of trustees. Any suggestions,Jacks? 1.3659 0.05448 123 86 29 8
687 I've called this meeting before our heads start caving in. 1.3657 0.05758 134 99 21 14
688 Another year, another stab in the face”. 1.3657 0.05354 134 95 29 10
689 With the reorganization, we feel some of you will be better utilized in Baked Goods. 1.3656 0.06074 93 64 24 5
690 We need something that will make their faces light up. 1.3654 0.04989 156 111 33 12
691 We need to make more cuts. 1.3651 0.04989 126 85 36 5
692 Basically, the DEI Committee said that we are out of our gourds. 1.3650 0.05371 137 98 28 11
693 Let the minutes reflect that the squirrels are back. 1.3646 0.06127 96 67 23 6
694 November is right around the corner. Nice knowing you guys! 1.3644 0.05855 118 85 23 10
695 Don’t let my carving fool you. The numbers are really bad. 1.3644 0.05978 118 86 21 11
696 We have to start burning the candle at both ends. 1.3644 0.05730 118 84 25 9
697 I’m here today to discuss seed funding… 1.3643 0.05155 129 89 33 7
698 If we put our heads together, we can carve out enough seed money from investors, so that everyone will have a slice of the pie 1.3643 0.05496 129 92 27 10
699 Next agenda item: Dental Benefits. 1.3636 0.05880 110 78 24 8
700 To facilitate our discussion of corporate downsizing, I've prepared a few pie charts.... 1.3636 0.05824 99 68 26 5
701 Why all the frowns? 1.3636 0.05880 110 78 24 8
702 The maze is doing well and we're still good fertilizer. 1.3636 0.05880 110 78 24 8
703 Thanks for carving out some time for today’s meeting. 1.3636 0.05378 121 84 30 7
704 C’mon guys, let’s not squash each other ideas,OK? 1.3630 0.05109 135 94 33 8
705 Do you all have your candles? 1.3628 0.05193 113 76 33 4
706 So, what do you say, Jack? 1.3628 0.05631 113 79 27 7
707 And you call yourselves organic? 1.3628 0.05343 113 77 31 5
708 As part of the cutbacks We are all being transferred to the thanksgiving pies division. 1.3622 0.05439 127 90 28 9
709 It is 3 days after Halloween, anyone’s head feeling soft or mushy? 1.3622 0.05083 127 87 34 6
710 Do you think we can carve out a position on the Board for my nephew? 1.3622 0.05553 127 91 26 10
711 Lighten up. I said “pi,” not “pie.” 1.3613 0.05563 119 84 27 8
712 Let's not lose our heads over the Horseman account. 1.3613 0.05690 119 85 25 9
713 The good news is that all of you made the cut; the bad news is that none of us will last very long. 1.3611 0.05652 108 75 27 6
714 The vote is Pumpkin Heads 11, Mr. Potato Heads 0. 1.3608 0.05896 97 67 25 5
715 It has been brought to my attention that someone has been leaving seeds on the toilet seat. 1.3607 0.05827 122 89 22 11
716 How about you Jack? Any bright ideas inside that empty head of yours? 1.3604 0.05975 111 80 22 9
717 Friendly reminder, underperformers will be turned into pie. 1.3604 0.05548 111 77 28 6
718 OK, let’s all get our heads in the game! 1.3600 0.05495 125 89 27 9
719 Ghosts are up 48%, spiders up 12%, and headstones down 11%. We need to put our heads together. Jack, tell us what you got. Triangles aren't cutting it. 1.3600 0.05376 125 88 29 8
720 Sadly, it appears to be contagious. 1.3597 0.05106 139 98 32 9
721 Well, I see by your faces you're not pleased with the cuts. 1.3597 0.05207 139 99 30 10
722 Thank you all for coming to our first diversity training meeting. 1.3596 0.05861 114 82 23 9
723 Gentlemen, it’s time we start thinking about switching to LEDs. 1.3596 0.05590 114 80 27 7
724 Does anyone have a match? 1.3596 0.06636 89 64 18 7
725 So, Jack, Jack and Jack will oversee Marketing, and Jack, Jack, Jack and Jack will supervise our new management team. 1.3592 0.05830 103 72 25 6
726 So it's agreed. Next year we transition to solar. 1.3590 0.06004 117 86 20 11
727 I can see the surprise carved into your faces 1.3590 0.06004 117 86 20 11
728 Gentlemen, we'll have to put our best face on last month's results. 1.3590 0.05753 117 84 24 9
729 It is really not that hard to turn a frown upside down. 1.3588 0.05533 131 95 25 11
730 I’d like to see a light go on in those heads of yours. 1.3588 0.05205 131 92 31 8
731 Let's spice things up a bit! 1.3585 0.05394 106 72 30 4
732 I am afraid that you will ALL be terminated on November the 1st. 1.3585 0.05872 106 75 24 7
733 Our division is not being carved out but the Board has asked for some paring back. 1.3583 0.05265 120 83 31 6
734 There is pie in the kitchen to celebrate Jack’s last day. 1.3583 0.06126 120 90 17 13
735 We need to spice things up around here. 1.3582 0.05125 134 94 32 8
736 I expect that you all carve out a business plan on Halloween because I have nothing left inside me. 1.3582 0.05545 134 98 24 12
737 I can tell by your facial expressions that my proposal is not well received .... 1.3579 0.05970 95 66 24 5
738 Mr. O’Lantern was my father. Call me Jack” 1.3578 0.06186 109 80 19 10
739 Let's introduce ourselves. I'll start. I'm Jack. 1.3577 0.05552 123 88 26 9
740 Hey guys. It's "Happy Halloween" for a reason. 1.3577 0.05431 123 87 28 8
741 Just a reminder, never burn the candle at both ends 1.3577 0.05671 123 89 24 10
742 Corporate says too much trick, not enough treat. 1.3577 0.05357 137 99 27 11
743 He's perfect. He looks like he was cut out for the position. 1.3571 0.04974 140 98 34 8
744 For the sake of diversity, maybe we should recruit a few turnips. 1.3571 0.05930 112 81 22 9
745 ‘We have to cut back on the lighting budget. Some of you will be demoted to just Jack.’ 1.3565 0.05686 115 82 25 8
746 The good news is that some of you will participate in halloween. The bad news is that some of you will be pie. 1.3562 0.04884 160 115 33 12
747 Why all the frowny faces? 1.3561 0.05283 132 94 29 9
748 And now, for something really scary, Ichabod will present the financial report... 1.3559 0.06081 118 88 18 12
749 Who brought the treats? 1.3559 0.05453 118 83 28 7
750 We need to make a few more cuts. 1.3556 0.04757 135 92 38 5
751 Bill, what happened to your stem. It’s not business casual Friday. 1.3554 0.05968 121 90 19 12
752 I’m just gonna be honest with you, we have absolutely no business plan past October 1.3554 0.06082 121 91 17 13
753 Some of you aren’t cut out for this… 1.3551 0.05976 107 77 22 8
754 Thanks, everyone, for using unscented candles during your smoke breaks. 1.3551 0.05976 107 77 22 8
755 'Good to see you all got the memo.' 1.3551 0.05673 107 75 26 6
756 I'm afraid Charlie in chair 3 requires a stem cell transplant. 1.3551 0.05976 107 77 22 8
757 I’m glad everyone got the memo. 1.3551 0.05516 107 74 28 5
758 I’d like to thank everyone for carving out some time to meet this weekend. 1.3551 0.05325 138 100 27 11
759 i know, i know, i don’t agree with their band name, but you have to admit the smashing pumpkins is a great band to play at the holiday party this year 1.3545 0.05716 110 78 25 7
760 Today we will be focusing on ways to not rot after Halloween. 1.3545 0.06001 110 80 21 9
761 Profits just went off the chart; let's get smashed tonight! 1.3543 0.05648 127 93 23 11
762 Lighten up, guys...that's what we do... 1.3540 0.05750 113 81 24 8
763 Of course, one of you has to rot first. 1.3540 0.05468 113 79 28 6
764 AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO FINDS BEING A PUMPKIN HEAD AMUSING? 1.3540 0.05468 113 79 28 6
765 I realize no one's in the mood for Christmas but somebody needs to plan the Holiday party before our heads rot. 1.3540 0.06018 113 83 20 10
766 I’m looking for diversity committee volunteers. 1.3540 0.05886 113 82 22 9
767 Thank you all for carving out the time. 1.3538 0.05222 130 92 30 8
768 Then we're all in agreement... pecan pie. 1.3535 0.06628 99 74 15 10
769 Collectively, you don’t know Jack 1.3535 0.05239 99 66 31 2
770 We won the Sleepy Hollow account. Legendary job, gentlemen! 1.3534 0.05776 116 84 23 9
771 Our next project involves carving out a new plan. 1.3534 0.05231 116 80 31 5
772 Then it's settled, Charlie Brown is a honary member 1.3529 0.05672 119 86 24 9
773 And those agreeing with the motion say Boo. 1.3529 0.05169 136 97 30 9
774 You can't all be named Jack 1.3529 0.05376 136 99 26 11
775 My long-overdue replacement will be Jill-O-Lantern. 1.3529 0.05853 102 72 24 6
776 Okay c'mon think! We need something to use with the word spice. 1.3525 0.05292 139 101 27 11
777 We’ll be confined to this secure location until November 1. 1.3524 0.06627 105 80 13 12
778 So, now that our heads are clear... 1.3524 0.05896 105 75 23 7
779 So who do we think is going to get smashed at the holiday party this year? 1.3520 0.04985 125 86 34 5
780 Our apple and pecan pies aren't selling very well. Anybody have any ideas? 1.3519 0.06074 108 79 20 9
781 I realize company morale is low, but H.R. has just laid in a new supply of candles. 1.3519 0.04977 108 72 34 2
782 I wish all of us could lighten up. 1.3519 0.05314 108 74 30 4
783 Ask yourselves—we’re you cut out for this line of work? 1.3517 0.04847 145 102 35 8
784 Profits are way up. Let's get smashed! 1.3517 0.04945 145 103 33 9
785 Truth is, some of us just aren't cut-out for leadership. 1.3516 0.05272 128 91 29 8
786 Let's carve out a time to discuss Jack's concerns. 1.3514 0.05673 111 79 25 7
787 I know how gutted you must all feel about this decision. 1.3511 0.06183 94 67 21 6
788 We’ve received the results of our board diversity survey… 1.3509 0.05429 114 80 28 6
789 We are happy to announce that this years holiday party will host a reunion of the band Smashing Pumpkins. 1.3504 0.05343 137 100 26 11
790 Am I the only one who sees the humor in the situation? 1.3500 0.05994 120 90 18 12
791 We all have to make a few more cuts. 1.3500 0.05507 120 86 26 8
792 Just letting you know I fired the guy who turned your smiles upside down. 1.3496 0.05535 123 89 25 9
793 Thank you for carving out time for this meeting today, gentlemen. 1.3495 0.05468 103 71 28 4
794 Let’s all put our heads together and carve out a new plan! 1.3495 0.06279 103 76 18 9
795 I'm glad to report that there's demand for exactly ten seasonal pies. 1.3492 0.05557 126 92 24 10
796 Any ideas to improve November sales? 1.3491 0.05850 106 76 23 7
797 Believe me, I'm more concerned about layoffs than you are. I was just carved this way. 1.3491 0.05694 106 75 25 6
798 In the interest of board diversity, we’ll be adding some new faces. 1.3491 0.06149 106 78 19 9
799 Before we begin, does anyone have a light? 1.3486 0.05587 109 77 26 6
800 I’m looking to put a new face on the company. Go! 1.3485 0.05156 132 94 30 8
801 Does anyone else ever just feel empty inside? 1.3482 0.05486 112 79 27 6
802 OK. Any ideas what we'll do for Christmas? 1.3481 0.05185 135 97 29 9
803 None of have any guts! 1.3478 0.06814 92 69 14 9
804 The important thing is never to let on that we're just a bunch of pumpkinheads. 1.3478 0.05002 138 98 32 8
805 Thanksgiving is next week, Who’s bringing the Pie? 1.3478 0.06072 92 65 22 5
806 Ok. Who brought the candles? 1.3475 0.05565 118 85 25 8
807 Great news! We’ve signed Smashing Pumpkins! 1.3474 0.06308 95 69 19 7
808 Let me just start by saying you all looking smashing. 1.3474 0.05751 95 66 25 4
809 Which one of you is Jack? 1.3471 0.05593 121 88 24 9
810 I don’t see that spark in your eyes anymore. 1.3471 0.05834 121 90 20 11
811 I found a great dentist 1.3468 0.05955 124 94 17 13
812 We need more smiles around here. On the count of three turn your head upside down. 1.3465 0.05876 101 72 23 6
813 I'm sorry, but that pie chart is such a trigger for me. 1.3462 0.06375 104 78 16 10
814 So yesterday, you were all wondering how to get a-head in this business, how to really carve space for yourself and shine a light on your best features… 1.3459 0.05342 133 97 26 10
815 I see a bright light in all of your minds, but the future of the company remains spooky. 1.3456 0.04826 136 95 35 6
816 Why am I the only guy with a smiley face around here? 1.3455 0.05694 110 79 24 7
817 Encouraging you to dress up this year is just our way of valuing your own individual flair and creativity. 1.3451 0.05999 113 84 19 10
818 It has come to my attention that you are all burned out and sad. 1.3451 0.05446 113 80 27 6
819 Now, about the dental plan … 1.3448 0.06296 87 62 20 5
820 Which one of you is giving the update on our corporate diversity initiative? 1.3445 0.05395 119 85 27 7
821 Frankly, our outlook is rotten 1.3444 0.06153 90 64 21 5
822 Some of you won't be here in 3 weeks time. 1.3440 0.05218 125 89 29 7
823 I’m Mr. O’Lantern but please, call me Jack. 1.3438 0.04632 128 87 38 3
824 Gentlemen. The knives are out. 1.3438 0.05892 96 68 23 5
825 I’ve heard from HR that there have been some complaints about our new company dress code. 1.3434 0.06605 99 75 14 10
826 Don’t we need more diversity here? 1.3434 0.05403 99 68 28 3
827 I think we have a diversity issue here! 1.3434 0.06285 99 73 18 8
828 Our October revenues were through the roof,but unfortunately zero in every other month. 1.3433 0.05308 134 98 26 10
829 For a fresh perspective, I propose we hire Mr. Potato Head. 1.3431 0.05659 102 72 25 5
830 Jack, you better carve that smirk right off your face. 1.3431 0.05828 102 73 23 6
831 We need to stay fresh, current and relevant. We haven’t even left the front step. 1.3431 0.05327 137 101 25 11
832 And to turn those frowns upside down, all it will take is a few cuts 1.3429 0.06026 105 77 20 8
833 Well, yes, the bad news is there will be cuts. The good news is they will result in a bigger piece of the pie. 1.3429 0.05872 105 76 22 7
834 Okay. I'd like to plant a seed in your head. 1.3426 0.06052 108 80 19 9
835 The good news is you'll all make great pies. 1.3426 0.06193 108 81 17 10
836 Can we stop with the missing teeth, already!!! 1.3426 0.06052 108 80 19 9
837 If the bottom line doesn't improve, heads will roll. 1.3426 0.05450 108 76 27 5
838 Apple and Mince are gaining on us. We need a bigger slice of the pie! 1.3423 0.05794 111 81 22 8
839 I still think that “the gourd accord” is a great name for our merger. 1.3419 0.05314 117 83 28 6
840 When I first had the ides for this company, they told me I was put of my gourd 1.3417 0.04950 120 83 33 4
841 Please shut your pie holes while I’m talking 1.3417 0.05857 120 90 19 11
842 I'm afraid we have to can 3 of you. 1.3416 0.04671 161 116 35 10
843 Well carving made ME happier. You must have all done it wrong. 1.3413 0.05539 126 93 23 10
844 ...and last but not least, you'll be thrilled to hear that the board of directors has voted to approve dental insurance for all employees. 1.3409 0.06236 88 63 20 5
845 I’ve been told we need to address diversity in the workplace. 1.3409 0.06836 88 66 14 8
846 Gentlemen we have been asked to represent "The Smashing Pumpkins"... 1.3407 0.05678 135 103 18 14
847 We've been chosen as the Starbucks seasoning of the month! 1.3406 0.04769 138 97 35 6
848 Alright, who's wearing spice? 1.3404 0.06337 94 69 18 7
849 Seriously, no more hollow promises, . 1.3404 0.05770 94 66 24 4
850 I've decided to enter you all in the holiday bakeoff. 1.3402 0.06198 97 71 19 7
851 We’re going through a rough patch. 1.3402 0.06535 97 73 15 9
852 You will all go into the field as mystery shoppers. 1.3402 0.05654 97 68 25 4
853 Well, once again, I'm sorry to say, nobody has volunteered to be the Great Pumpkin. 1.3400 0.05898 100 72 22 6
854 You can't imagine how much better I felt after going to that wonderful dentist. 1.3400 0.06067 100 73 20 7
855 Of course, by mid-November this will all be moot. 1.3400 0.06067 100 73 20 7
856 As Chairman of the Gourd, I understand the term "seed financing" may raise some concerns.... 1.3398 0.05943 103 75 21 7
857 None of you have the guts to innovate anything 1.3398 0.06101 103 76 19 8
858 Ironically, the only way to bring some smiles to this boardroom is to make some additional cuts. 1.3398 0.06101 103 76 19 8
859 So it’s agreed…Oct 31st will be a work-day ! 1.3398 0.05943 103 75 21 7
860 Look at the bright side, we could all be watermelons. 1.3396 0.05509 106 75 26 5
861 I'm guessing by your faces that you don't have good news. 1.3394 0.05861 109 80 21 8
862 It’s time to announce a change of the gourd. 1.3394 0.05861 109 80 21 8
863 The board would like us to consider diversifying our hiring practices. 1.3394 0.05714 109 79 23 7
864 And after that, the squirrels will start eating our heads. 1.3393 0.05750 112 82 22 8
865 Sales are down and some heads are going to smash. 1.3393 0.05463 112 80 26 6
866 Why is productivity so low in November? 1.3391 0.05368 115 82 27 6
867 As president of the Gourd of Directors, I've carved out a new plan. 1.3388 0.05449 121 88 25 8
868 ‘We’ve saved thousands by eliminating dental benefits.’ 1.3388 0.05574 121 89 23 9
869 Exciting news. We're merging...with candles! 1.3387 0.05357 124 90 26 8
870 We need a strong strategy to overtake Mr. Potato Head.. 1.3385 0.05520 130 97 22 11
871 So, we all agree; the expression "pumpkin head" is derogatory, and can not be used on any social media outlet. 1.3385 0.05627 130 98 20 12
872 Why all the frowning faces? I'm only going to smash one of you! 1.3378 0.05123 148 110 26 12
873 This is much more effective in person than on Zoom 1.3375 0.06400 80 57 19 4
874 To comply with the diversity guidelines, 5 of you will be replaced by witches. 1.3375 0.06877 80 59 15 6
875 Not very bright, is he? 1.3373 0.06006 83 58 22 3
876 Where did you’ll think pumpkin spice came from? 1.3373 0.06700 83 61 16 6
877 OK then. Let's take a vote. Trick or Treat? 1.3372 0.05874 86 60 23 3
878 This year, I want us to be more than the face of Halloween! 1.3371 0.06769 89 67 14 8
879 Hey guys, Welcome to the first meeting of the diversity committee. 1.3370 0.05840 92 65 23 4
880 And tonight's coach driver is... 1.3370 0.05840 92 65 23 4
881 If you think that you can carve into my territory, then you don't know Jack. 1.3368 0.06456 95 71 16 8
882 So we’re gonna have to make some cuts. 1.3368 0.05521 95 66 26 3
883 So that’s zero votes for Smashing Pumpkins performing at the annual meeting. 1.3368 0.05913 95 68 22 5
884 I think we would make the right decision if we had any guts. 1.3368 0.06099 95 69 20 6
885 We had a smashing good year" 1.3367 0.05792 98 70 23 5
886 Due to the current economic outlook,we are going to have to make a few more cuts. 1.3367 0.05971 98 71 21 6
887 I can't tell if you're all happy or sad about being off the porch and back in the office again 1.3366 0.06178 101 75 18 8
888 Managers will not refer to anyone as ‘pumpkin,’ regardless of how they identify. 1.3365 0.05569 104 74 25 5
889 The good news is your jobs are secure until November 1st. 1.3365 0.05569 104 74 25 5
890 I'll need your pie charts by noon 1.3365 0.05734 104 75 23 6
891 Yes, but we will all be gone November first 1.3365 0.06051 104 77 19 8
892 Soon our jobs will be taken by turkeys. 1.3365 0.06203 104 78 17 9
893 This way, we can get a piece of the pie. 1.3364 0.05930 107 79 20 8
894 Team, this year I’d really like us to put the WE in Halloween. 1.3364 0.05957 110 82 19 9
895 The new employee healthcare plan will only cover 2 candles a month 1.3364 0.05368 110 78 27 5
896 Well, I for one, I’m glad that Mr. potato head is gone. What say you? 1.3363 0.05275 113 80 28 5
897 As you can see, we’ve had to make some disappointing cuts. 1.3363 0.05844 113 84 20 9
898 Gentlemen,we have to carve out a new policy! 1.3363 0.05567 113 82 24 7
899 Now I know that some people are saying our board needs more diversity... 1.3363 0.06108 113 86 16 11
900 Unfortunately,with the rise in popularity of a certain Thanksgiving dessert,we can expect a sizable loss in labor this quarter. 1.3362 0.05736 116 86 21 9
901 All in favor of the carveouts say "aye" 1.3361 0.06000 119 91 16 12
902 I am proud that every one of us are capable of carrying a light inside. 1.3361 0.05656 122 91 21 10
903 I know people love pumpkin pie; people are sick. 1.3360 0.05321 125 91 26 8
904 C’mon, people, we can’t all be Jack. A Harry, Earl, Mabel…anyone? 1.3360 0.05558 125 93 22 10
905 Our new Director of Diversity is a potato head. 1.3359 0.05686 128 97 19 12
906 It's pumpkin spice season gentlemen, and you know what that means! Sacrifice. 1.3333 0.05474 90 62 26 2
907 Gentlemen, we are being acquired by Starbucks. 1.3333 0.06398 96 72 16 8
908 We're forecasting strength through the end of this month, followed by rapid deterioration. 1.3333 0.05911 111 83 19 9
909 Now: who’s going to be the pumpkin pie donor this year? 1.3333 0.06675 87 65 15 7
910 Thank you for carving out time to meet. 1.3333 0.06746 78 57 16 5
911 Just think of it, gentlemen: Pumpkin Spice Old Spice! 1.3333 0.06002 105 78 19 8
912 Yes, she carved me with a smile -- any objections? 1.3333 0.05801 102 74 22 6
913 I plan to can all of you before Thanksgiving. 1.3333 0.06224 96 71 18 7
914 Thanks to you, this company is a real Cinderella story. 1.3333 0.04932 114 79 32 3
915 Where’s the pie chart? 1.3333 0.06546 93 70 15 8
916 This board couldn’t hold a candle to the last one. 1.3333 0.05525 105 75 25 5
917 I’m sorry to tell you, but you’re all going to be replaced by Santa Claus on 1st November. 1.3333 0.05883 108 80 20 8
918 I received an inquiry from Musk about our corporate culture".. 1.3333 0.06091 99 73 19 7
919 I decided there will be no awards for Halloween costumes this year 1.3333 0.05627 111 81 23 7
920 Can I get a smile? 1.3333 0.06412 84 61 18 5
921 Now, now, gentleman, we've all had to endure some cuts. 1.3333 0.06002 105 78 19 8
922 I’d like each of you to introduce yourself and tell us something unique about you 1.3333 0.06989 78 58 14 6
923 If we don’t meet our corporate objectives for October, heads will roll. 1.3333 0.06309 108 83 14 11
924 Due to a shortage of pumpkin spice, some of you will be... relocated. 1.3333 0.05525 105 75 25 5
925 Thanks for carving out a little time this afternoon to meet. 1.3333 0.06261 87 63 19 5
926 As of November 1st, you're all redundant. 1.3333 0.05593 120 89 22 9
927 Let’s start with a moment of silence for Jack, who would have been here had he not been eaten by squirrels. 1.3333 0.05966 102 75 20 7
928 Okay Jack, let’s hear from you first 1.3333 0.06044 87 62 21 4
929 - "I understand your concerns, but I really think this could light a fire in all of us" 1.3333 0.05383 114 82 26 6
930 HR would like us to address an alleged nepotism issue. 1.3333 0.06283 102 77 16 9
931 At least one of us is happy. 1.3333 0.05237 114 81 28 5
932 Burnout?! Maybe you just aren't cut out for this job! 1.3333 0.06046 96 70 20 6
933 Explain to me again why we need a Chief Diversity Officer. 1.3333 0.05688 105 76 23 6
934 I lowered the temperature in the room so we have more than the usual 2 weeks to make decisions for next year. 1.3307 0.05130 127 92 28 7
935 Gentlemen, all of these ideas are hollow. 1.3306 0.05213 124 90 27 7
936 Why do you pumpkin heads look so grim? It's Halloween, after all 1.3306 0.04955 124 88 31 5
937 I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're all getting bonuses on November 1st. The bad news is we're paying you in candy corn. 1.3305 0.05652 118 88 21 9
938 Their gonna rip our guts out if we miss earnings… 1.3305 0.05523 118 87 23 8
939 I'm telling you, the fourth quarter is always our highest for some reason. 1.3304 0.05344 115 83 26 6
940 The Headless Horseman started this company with just anger at the townsfolk and a dream... 1.3304 0.05585 112 82 23 7
941 The Fall Witness Protection Program meeting is now underway. 1.3304 0.06001 112 85 17 10
942 Oh come on! Not everyone here can be named Jack! 1.3304 0.05439 112 81 25 6
943 Does anyone else always feel light-headed this time of year? 1.3303 0.05837 109 81 20 8
944 You all know the drill… if we can’t carve out a profit, heads are gonna roll! 1.3302 0.05143 106 74 29 3
945 Such a relief to see the diversity, equity and inclusion efforts are paying off. 1.3302 0.05953 106 79 19 8
946 Your jobs will change from scaring people to flavoring lattés. 1.3301 0.06075 103 77 18 8
947 Stalks are up! 1.3301 0.06230 103 78 16 9
948 i can’t see shit outta this fuckin thing 1.3301 0.05917 103 76 20 7
949 I vote that we make Halloween a national holiday. 1.3300 0.05515 100 71 25 4
950 Well, I’m smiling because I am retiring before the first frost! 1.3298 0.06307 94 70 17 7
951 It's nice to see so many new faces here. 1.3298 0.06307 94 70 17 7
952 What I’m proposing, is that we need a little more diversity on our board. 1.3298 0.06307 94 70 17 7
953 Let’s face it, gentlemen. We’ve got maybe a week before we bottom out. 1.3298 0.05534 94 66 25 3
954 We’re not leaving this room until someone figures out how we can stay relevant come November first. 1.3297 0.06063 91 66 20 5
955 Gentlemen, I’m not happy at all with this quarter’s report but as you know, I have no choice but to grin and bear it. 1.3297 0.05646 91 64 24 3
956 'We need to offer more unpaid lanternships.' 1.3295 0.06609 88 66 15 7
957 No, Johnson, pumpkin spice cocaine is just too far. 1.3291 0.06674 79 58 16 5
958 Think, people. How do we stop the pumpkin spice craze? 1.3289 0.06321 76 54 19 3
959 No one wants to listen to old, white men this time of year 1.3280 0.05301 125 92 25 8
960 The bashings will continue, until morale improves. 1.3279 0.05263 122 89 26 7
961 I want to light a fire in each of you. 1.3277 0.05860 119 91 17 11
962 And to reduce our electricity bill, we’re issuing candles to all employees. 1.3277 0.05483 119 88 23 8
963 The new campaign is going to be smashing 1.3277 0.05217 119 86 27 6
964 Not my problem that your owners chose to give you a frown. 1.3276 0.05306 116 84 26 6
965 So we’re going to carve out a plan to squash the opposition 1.3276 0.05714 116 87 20 9
966 We have to accept the diversity means including butternut, spaghetti and all the others. 1.3274 0.06215 113 88 13 12
967 Now that we all have ours heads on straight, lets talk about why candy corn is not a good product. 1.3274 0.05684 113 84 21 8
968 And finally, I'd like to inform you all that the company dental plan will now be managed by our Marketing Department. 1.3274 0.05543 113 83 23 7
969 This year we have decided to add a pumpkin spice flavor to our product, and so I am asking all of you to, ahem,"contribute". 1.3271 0.05754 107 79 21 7
970 I think it’s a smashing idea. 1.3269 0.05707 104 76 22 6
971 Let’s get this Cabinet meeting started. And, you need to smile. 1.3269 0.05541 104 75 24 5
972 A Republican caucus. 1.3267 0.06310 101 77 15 9
973 I'm glad you could all carve time out of your day to be here. 1.3267 0.05286 101 71 27 3
974 Sorry, Elon Musk just bought Halloween. 1.3267 0.06151 101 76 17 8
975 All the indications are pointing to a rotten November. 1.3265 0.05941 98 72 20 6
976 We'd better ask the eggheads. 1.3265 0.06285 98 74 16 8
977 I think it's time that we choose a new head. 1.3263 0.06250 95 71 17 7
978 Welcome to the Gourd of Directors meeting. 1.3261 0.05806 92 66 22 4
979 As your Chair, none of you can hold a candle to me. 1.3261 0.06203 92 68 18 6
980 In the coming year, we will be hiring outside the gourd family for diversity. 1.3261 0.06393 92 69 16 7
981 But there's always Thanksgiving! 1.3261 0.05151 92 63 28 1
982 'Heads together on this issue...but carefully' 1.3261 0.06203 92 68 18 6
983 None of you are cut out to lead the new division. 1.3261 0.05596 92 65 24 3
984 We have been asked about the lack of Jill-O'-Lanterns. 1.3258 0.06143 89 65 19 5
985 Jack, I agree, board diversity should be top priority. 1.3258 0.06347 89 66 17 6
986 I'm going to squash that idea. 1.3258 0.05712 89 63 23 3
987 So, I go by the name Jacqueline now. 🎃 1.3258 0.06737 89 68 13 8
988 One more bad quarter and that’s all of our heads sitting on some porch 1.3256 0.06707 86 65 14 7
989 Who wants to be on the diversity committee? 1.3256 0.06286 86 63 18 5
990 Shares are down but you'll get your piece of the pie 1.3256 0.06707 86 65 14 7
991 I don't think this board has the guts! 1.3256 0.06286 86 63 18 5
992 In order to grow the pie, one of you has to be canned. 1.3250 0.05181 120 87 27 6
993 So, gentlemen, are we all of the same mind? 1.3247 0.06521 77 56 17 4
994 We're merging with Ginsu. 1.3247 0.06778 77 57 15 5
995 I’m asking for volunteers to be ushers at the Smashing Pumpkins concert. 1.3243 0.05888 111 84 18 9
996 Elon said that some heads are going to roll. 1.3243 0.06966 74 55 14 5
997 the UK decision to have a new PM for each festive period was unusual but looking forward to see what they do for Bonfire Night... 1.3243 0.06117 74 52 20 2
998 I’ve always said that a smile goes a long way in this business 1.3241 0.05708 108 80 21 7
999 Unfortunately the patch we’re in now is… a rough one. Stalks are way down. 1.3241 0.05708 108 80 21 7
1000 You heard of the Great Pumpkin? Yep, I'm him! 1.3241 0.05858 108 81 19 8
1001 It's clear that our time here is limited. 1.3241 0.05397 108 78 25 5
1002 We still need a volunteer to supply the pie for our holiday party. 1.3238 0.05496 105 76 24 5
1003 Before we start today,may I please remind everyone that we are still business dress in the office which includes a well-coiffed stem. 1.3238 0.05975 105 79 18 8
1004 I'm glad to see we're all of like mind. 1.3238 0.05975 105 79 18 8
1005 Ichabod Crane is coming tonight and he wants a new head. 1.3238 0.05975 105 79 18 8
1006 I'd just like to pick your brains for a minute. 1.3235 0.05243 102 72 27 3
1007 ...and the winner of the most oiginal halloween costume is... 1.3235 0.05938 102 76 19 7
1008 I'm a self-carved businessman. 1.3235 0.05938 102 76 19 7
1009 Trust me, I'm not happy about this either! 1.3235 0.05206 136 102 24 10
1010 I'm afraid your services will no longer be needed after October 31st. 1.3232 0.05712 99 72 22 5
1011 My friends, I sit before you today as living proof that it really is possible to turn those frowns upside down! 1.3232 0.06553 99 77 12 10
1012 Keep on gourd! We’re here to squash the competition. 1.3232 0.06062 99 74 18 7
1013 I think we can all agree. Squirrels are biting into our profit.” 1.3229 0.05440 96 68 25 3
1014 If earnings don't improve, heads will roll. 1.3229 0.06194 96 72 17 7
1015 I need you to think outside the patch. 1.3229 0.06194 96 72 17 7
1016 We are pleased to announce that HR specialists Peter Peter LLC will help ease us through the downsizing operation. 1.3229 0.06194 96 72 17 7
1017 Assuming no objections, I hereby renew my position as Chairman of the Gourd. 1.3229 0.05829 96 70 21 5
1018 Rot or not, we do expect you all to be here on November 1st. 1.3229 0.05638 96 69 23 4
1019 Musk is making an offer to acquire Halloween." 1.3228 0.05688 127 98 17 12
1020 We're throwing out the whole Board at the end of the month. 1.3226 0.06146 93 69 18 6
1021 Keep us this attitude and I’ll be forced to make more cuts. 1.3226 0.05953 93 68 20 5
1022 Tomorrow, I want to see everyone carve those frowns into smiles. 1.3226 0.05753 93 67 22 4
1023 I have great news. Our next contract includes dental care. 1.3226 0.05953 93 68 20 5
1024 I’m going to need more seed money from each of you. 1.3226 0.05753 93 67 22 4
1025 Gentlemen,corporate is looking to make some additional cuts 1.3223 0.05532 121 91 21 9
1026 Let's skip announcing our preferred pronouns and get down to business.... 1.3223 0.05655 121 92 19 10
1027 I’m glad we all chose to wear pumpkins on our head today, but why am I the only one grinning? 1.3222 0.06286 90 67 17 6
1028 Where's Potato Head? 1.3222 0.06286 90 67 17 6
1029 It has come to the shareholders’ attention that there are more Jack’s than women on the board 1.3220 0.05367 118 87 24 7
1030 A cyberattack exploited weaknesses in our face id system" 1.3218 0.06436 87 65 16 6
1031 I can't believe we all wore the same costume again this year. 1.3218 0.06436 87 65 16 6
1032 Today, pumpkin spice. Tomorrow, the world! 1.3217 0.05599 115 86 21 8
1033 Look, let’s not lose our heads over this. 1.3214 0.05560 112 83 22 7
1034 I've noticed that no matter what I say your expressions never change. 1.3214 0.06144 84 61 19 4
1035 We’re being replaced by apple spice lattes. We need new ideas! 1.3214 0.05703 112 84 20 8
1036 I'd guess you'll survive a week 1.3214 0.06374 84 62 17 5
1037 The Competition can't hold a candle to us! 1.3211 0.05028 109 77 29 3
1038 Well boys it's the end of the month and we are gonna have to start letting you all go. 1.3211 0.05956 109 83 17 9
1039 There’s going to be some restructuring come November 1st. 1.3210 0.05507 81 56 24 1
1040 H.R. says our lack of diversity is a big problem. 1.3208 0.05773 106 79 20 7
1041 Listen, we’re all pumpkins here. You’re gonna just have to trust me. 1.3208 0.05453 106 77 24 5
1042 Good news! We’re now part of Starbucks. Unfortunately, this means some of you may be spiced this fall. 1.3208 0.05927 106 80 18 8
1043 We need some spice in this boardroom! 1.3205 0.06450 78 57 17 4
1044 Some of you may not be cut out for this job. 1.3205 0.05911 78 55 21 2
1045 I am very pleased to announce our newest board member, Peter Peter. 1.3204 0.06048 103 78 17 8
1046 Let's come up with another plan besides squashing the competition. 1.3204 0.05888 103 77 19 7
1047 ...And I can promise you this, if you don't make your October quotas heads will roll here at Sleepy Hollow Industries! 1.3203 0.05426 128 97 21 10
1048 I don't need any self-tanner for my Donald Trump costume. 1.3200 0.06886 75 56 14 5
1049 We need better ideas. You all have mush for brains! 1.3200 0.05664 100 73 22 5
1050 Right now, your heads are your biggest asset. 1.3200 0.06176 100 76 16 8
1051 Jack’s right. Pie it is. 1.3200 0.05664 100 73 22 5
1052 Our costume party should be fun; I would just ask that you try to be original. 1.3200 0.05840 100 74 20 6
1053 I propose we settle this on the squash court 1.3200 0.06620 75 55 16 4
1054 What you call brainstorming I call squash! 1.3196 0.05961 97 72 19 6
1055 Carve for the job you want, not the job you have. 1.3196 0.05589 97 70 23 4
1056 On a side note, it seems like none of our employees are taking advantage of their dental allowance." 1.3191 0.06275 94 71 16 7
1057 And this year’s winner for best costume goes to Gord. 1.3191 0.05702 94 68 22 4
1058 On the brighter side, gentlemen, we are now represented in every product at Trader Joe's! 1.3191 0.06630 94 73 12 9
1059 There can only be one Great Pumpkin. 1.3191 0.06630 94 73 12 9
1060 Effective November 1st, we are getting into the pie business. 1.3191 0.05899 94 69 20 5
1061 Why so glum? You will live on in pies. 1.3190 0.05821 116 89 17 10
1062 Put that spice in coffee, candles, muffins, whatever. No one listened. Now, who's out of their gourd? 1.3190 0.05821 116 89 17 10
1063 As you know we'll be downsizing at the end of the month... 1.3187 0.06420 91 69 15 7
1064 The good and bad news is, our profit on pie is soaring! 1.3186 0.05659 113 85 20 8
1065 Does it look like Jack had some work done to you? Something about that smile looks freshly carved… 1.3186 0.05797 113 86 18 9
1066 This year's office party will have a carving station. 1.3182 0.06373 88 66 16 6
1067 Good news, so let's carve those frowns upside down! 1.3182 0.04991 110 78 29 3
1068 Jack,what do you think? 1.3182 0.05766 110 83 19 8
1069 Jack, we'd like you to be the face of the business. 1.3182 0.05949 88 64 20 4
1070 Market forecasts show our future’s in pies. 1.3182 0.06574 88 67 14 7
1071 who votes for pie? 1.3178 0.05879 107 81 18 8
1072 Good morning. My name is Peter. 1.3178 0.05727 107 80 20 7
1073 Gentlemen, I don't need to remind you that it's a scary time of the year 1.3178 0.05727 107 80 20 7
1074 So, any ideas on how we make Halloween last more than one night a year? 1.3178 0.05410 107 78 24 5
1075 This is what happens when you spill your guts to the newspapers. 1.3176 0.06083 85 62 19 4
1076 Bob, since your stem fell off, your head will be rotten before the next meeting. 1.3176 0.06083 85 62 19 4
1077 I'm proud to announce our new dental benefits! 1.3176 0.06309 85 63 17 5
1078 Today,ladies & gentlemen,the company is pivoting from Halloween to Pie! 1.3173 0.05511 104 76 23 5
1079 Seriously, guys, has it been a year since we got lit? 1.3173 0.05840 104 78 19 7
1080 Let's discuss seed capital 1.3173 0.05840 104 78 19 7
1081 Who's up for pie? 1.3171 0.06915 82 63 12 7
1082 Let’s pretend Elon bought us! 1.3171 0.06464 82 61 16 5
1083 Alright. Enlighten me. 1.3171 0.06464 82 61 16 5
1084 I can't help being optimistic. I was just carved that way. 1.3168 0.05790 101 75 20 6
1085 Second place gets a set of steak knives. 1.3168 0.05617 101 74 22 5
1086 To ensure diversity, some of you will be replaced by cantaloupes. 1.3168 0.05959 101 76 18 7
1087 At the end of October, I want everyone to stop using self tanning cream. 1.3168 0.06282 101 78 14 9
1088 We need to find ways to become relevant the other eleven months of the year. 1.3168 0.05617 101 74 22 5
1089 Now we all know November is a rotten month… 1.3168 0.05959 101 76 18 7
1090 Let's get started everyone, I can see we all aquired the October variant. Do we see this going viral? 1.3168 0.05959 101 76 18 7
1091 now this won’t be easy to hear, but many of us may not be here come November 1.3168 0.06123 101 77 16 8
1092 Listen, gunk-for-brains: finish the project by October 31st or heads will roll. 1.3167 0.05549 120 91 20 9
1093 I am happy to announce that I will be your new Chairman of the Gourd! 1.3165 0.06630 79 59 15 5
1094 This year, I propose a bigger PR campaign than just Linus. 1.3165 0.06381 79 58 17 4
1095 I’m afraid we’ll have to face more cuts. 1.3165 0.06381 79 58 17 4
1096 I suppose you're all wondering why I called this meeting...so am I. My mind's blank. 1.3163 0.06421 98 76 13 9
1097 As the Chaiman of the Gourd I've carved out some time to squash the rumors. 1.3163 0.06255 98 75 15 8
1098 Let's not have any empty-headed remarks today, okay? 1.3163 0.05909 98 73 19 6
1099 Doesn’t matter how much spiced latte they sell. We’re still part of the freakin’ squash family. 1.3163 0.05728 98 72 21 5
1100 Anyone have an original idea? 1.3163 0.06255 98 75 15 8
1101 Thanks to all of you for making this year's Holiday Bake Sale a big success. 1.3162 0.04953 117 84 29 4
1102 Let's carve out some time to meet next week. 1.3158 0.05185 114 83 26 5
1103 I guess you can go far with a smile on your face - and a candle in your head. 1.3158 0.05185 114 83 26 5
1104 So, Jack, what do you think? 1.3158 0.05986 76 54 20 2
1105 Good News! We've bought twitter! 1.3158 0.05753 114 87 18 9
1106 Let's talk turkey! 1.3158 0.06035 95 71 18 6
1107 So,what are we wearing for Halloween? 1.3158 0.05652 95 69 22 4
1108 This switch to electric candles will make us carbon neutral by 2035. 1.3158 0.06272 76 55 18 3
1109 What this company needs is somebody with guts. 1.3152 0.05769 92 67 21 4
1110 Remember, we're not looking to scare away investors. 1.3152 0.06169 92 69 17 6
1111 Let's welcome the guy without a stem on his head to our Diversity Committee! 1.3151 0.06723 73 54 15 4
1112 Now, who's up for getting smashed and eating pie?" 1.3148 0.05368 108 79 24 5
1113 Anyone have a bright idea? 1.3148 0.05527 108 80 22 6
1114 I wasn’t carved yesterday you know…. 1.3148 0.05831 108 82 18 8
1115 Same as all my good ideas, it's like a candle went off in my head... 1.3148 0.05204 108 78 26 4
1116 ‘Pumpkins that underperform will be Pie’. 1.3148 0.05527 108 80 22 6
1117 By the look on your faces, I am sensing some tension in the room. 1.3146 0.05892 89 65 20 4
1118 We are going to smash expectations! 1.3146 0.05892 89 65 20 4
1119 Please put your name tags on. 1.3143 0.05120 105 75 27 3
1120 From your expressions, you already heard that we're downsizing. 1.3140 0.06462 86 65 15 6
1121 Just once I'd like to see one of your heads light up with a good idea. 1.3140 0.06670 86 66 13 7
1122 We'll be making some cuts. 1.3137 0.05393 102 74 24 4
1123 Chin up, children! Remember, no one can hold a candle like you. 1.3137 0.05393 102 74 24 4
1124 You guys poured your guts out last year and it was a smashing success, but this year I really want us to carve our place in history! 1.3137 0.05742 102 76 20 6
1125 You've all been transferred to our new Thanksgiving pie division. 1.3136 0.05607 118 90 19 9
1126 Chuck drew the short stem, and I said heads would roll... 1.3133 0.06164 83 61 18 4
1127 Don't think for a second that I'm happy with the results. I'm just carved that way. 1.3133 0.06397 83 62 16 5
1128 If we only had a brain! 1.3133 0.06397 83 62 16 5
1129 Any other bright ideas? 1.3131 0.05679 99 73 21 5
1130 Why the sad faces? Two weeks from now all your worries will be over! 1.3131 0.06031 99 75 17 7
1131 Someone here doesn't have a stem! 1.3131 0.06031 99 75 17 7
1132 At least we don't look like clowns anymore 1.3131 0.06031 99 75 17 7
1133 No idea will be squashed. 1.3130 0.05293 115 85 24 6
1134 It appears that no one got the “happy face” memo. 1.3125 0.05981 96 72 18 6
1135 All of you with frowns are to report to the bakery ASAP. 1.3125 0.06162 96 73 16 7
1136 You'll all get a share of the pie. 1.3125 0.05981 96 72 18 6
1137 It's a win-win. This way we can reduce head count AND keep our jobs! 1.3125 0.05234 112 82 25 5
1138 Don't worry. Downsizing will be as easy as pie. 1.3125 0.05234 112 82 25 5
1139 Casual friday means something different in October 1.3125 0.05386 112 83 23 6
1140 Succession? None of you can hold a candle to me! 1.3125 0.05602 96 70 22 4
1141 Good news! We’ve just added spiced latte to your retirement package. 1.3125 0.05677 112 85 19 8
1142 Today I am announcing another cut in administration. 1.3125 0.06162 96 73 16 7
1143 As your new CEO’Lantern I’m announcing cuts to all department heads. 1.3125 0.06559 80 60 15 5
1144 Orange you glad I didn’t say “banana?” 1.3125 0.06087 112 88 13 11
1145 If we want to survive past Q4, we’re gonna need more guts. 1.3125 0.05602 96 70 22 4
1146 Listen carefully, or you'll all be turned to pulp. 1.3119 0.05636 109 82 20 7
1147 I’m sure you all saw the email about our new diversity and equity inclusion initiative. 1.3119 0.05636 109 82 20 7
1148 Great news!!!... we're all invited as special guests to the White House pumpkin carving contest next week. They'll be giving us our bonuses right after dinner! 1.3118 0.06111 93 70 17 6
1149 I've decided, I identify as an apple 1.3118 0.06111 93 70 17 6
1150 Gourd morning, thank you for carving out time for another meeting that could have been an email. 1.3118 0.05716 93 68 21 4
1151 Now, I have some gourd news, and some bad news 1.3117 0.06203 77 56 18 3
1152 The Repumpklican Party 1.3117 0.06732 77 58 14 5
1153 Your pay rise will go into effect on November 1st 1.3115 0.05592 122 94 18 10
1154 Well Gentlemen, the Owner has decided we're just too Top-Heavy 1.3115 0.05216 122 91 24 7
1155 Now that Halloween is over, I'm afraid you're all being transferred to the Thanksgiving department. 1.3113 0.06196 106 83 13 10
1156 I’ve got an idea that’s sure to light up your faces! 1.3113 0.05423 106 78 23 5
1157 Let's carve out a solution here. 1.3111 0.06250 90 68 16 6
1158 I want to light a fire in each and every one of you. 1.3111 0.05837 90 66 20 4
1159 I’d like to thank you all for carving out your place at this meeting. 1.3111 0.06047 90 67 18 5
1160 Thank you Jack, now let's hear what Jack and Jack have been working on this week. 1.3111 0.06637 90 70 12 8
1161 Jones, why don't you have a stem? 1.3111 0.06047 90 67 18 5
1162 Let’s be real: it’s time to carve your enthusiasm. 1.3111 0.06250 90 68 16 6
1163 Surely one of you must have a rhyme for orange. 1.3108 0.06360 74 54 17 3
1164 Projections for the fourth quarter are rotten. 1.3108 0.06645 74 55 15 4
1165 Our competitions is carving us up. 1.3107 0.05694 103 77 20 6
1166 For the upcoming company party, we're going to need two of you for pies. 1.3107 0.05694 103 77 20 6
1167 This annual carnage needs to stop! 1.3107 0.05858 103 78 18 7
1168 Let’s all put on a happy face. 1.3103 0.06185 87 65 17 5
1169 Which brings me to the next item....diversity in the board room. 1.3100 0.05808 100 75 19 6
1170 On the count of three, everyone smile! 1.3100 0.05449 100 73 23 4
1171 I’m looking at a group gutless yes men. Excellent. Let’s begin. 1.3100 0.05979 100 76 17 7
1172 Gentlemen, PI is still 22/7ths, pumpkin or geometric, doesn't matter 1.3099 0.06213 71 51 18 2
1173 Is it me, or is it hot in here? 1.3099 0.07118 71 54 12 5
1174 I'm not surprised Clay didn't make it to our meeting this morning. He was smashed last night. 1.3097 0.05195 113 83 25 5
1175 Any other empty-headed suggestions? 1.3097 0.05345 113 84 23 6
1176 It’s easy as pie, gentleman. 1.3095 0.05861 84 61 20 3
1177 Don't worry, you all made the cut. 1.3095 0.05350 84 59 24 1
1178 If we can repeat October's sales figures this month, we just might save this company 1.3095 0.06332 84 63 16 5
1179 Finally, it is pretty obvious we need to hire a DEAI Director. 1.3095 0.06554 84 64 14 6
1180 Good News: We're all approved Emojis 1.3095 0.06332 84 63 16 5
1181 Before we start todays meeting of the Illuminati, did anyone bring the candy corn? 1.3093 0.05744 97 72 20 5
1182 Let’s put on our happy faces! 1.3093 0.05928 97 73 18 6
1183 Welcome to your annual candle safety training sessions! 1.3093 0.05152 97 69 26 2
1184 They’ll have our heads. 1.3093 0.05744 97 72 20 5
1185 When i said i wanted to light a fire inside of you all i MEANT it! 1.3093 0.05744 97 72 20 5
1186 Donald Trump lookalikes gather for a secret meeting with the boss; should be illuminating. 1.3093 0.05744 97 72 20 5
1187 What's the issue with our corporate diversity policy? 1.3091 0.05739 110 84 18 8
1188 As a result of our recent stalk collapse, we must cut staff and yes heads will roll. 1.3091 0.05441 110 82 22 6
1189 Between all of us, we should be able to carve out a solution. 1.3086 0.06489 81 61 15 5
1190 We're seeing record demand for pie. Everyone will have to pitch in. 1.3086 0.06246 81 60 17 4
1191 It looks like pies for the lot of you. 1.3085 0.05665 94 69 21 4
1192 First things first, who dared order the pumpkin spice lattes?!?! 1.3085 0.05665 94 69 21 4
1193 Look, I know a guy who works miracles with a knife..." 1.3085 0.05863 94 70 19 5
1194 I move we adjourn before our brains turn to mush. 1.3085 0.05459 94 68 23 3
1195 We're developing a comprehensive plan to avoid getting smashed after the holiday season. 1.3085 0.05665 94 69 21 4
1196 Congratulations on squashing the competition’s takeover bid. 1.3084 0.05541 107 80 21 6
1197 I found a great Botox place.... 1.3084 0.05379 107 79 23 5
1198 Damn, orange looks good on everybody. 1.3083 0.05265 120 90 23 7
1199 I'm open to any gourd ideas, Jacks. 1.3077 0.05782 91 67 20 4
1200 I thought all of you would be lit up by the news! 1.3077 0.06402 78 58 16 4
1201 What happens in the gourdroom, stays in the gourdroom. 1.3077 0.05216 117 87 24 6
1202 Let’s not lose our heads…Halloween is just around the corner. 1.3077 0.05647 104 78 20 6
1203 Nice to see you all without masks on this year! 1.3077 0.06657 78 59 14 5
1204 Although we come from different places, we all have something in common. 1.3077 0.06402 78 58 16 4
1205 I hear your concerns on the squirrels, but let’s circle back on that closer to Thanksgiving 1.3077 0.05624 117 90 18 9
1206 Thank you all for joining our quarterly Gourd of Directors meeting. 1.3077 0.05990 91 68 18 5
1207 We now control Halloween, so it’s time to take stock in Thanksgiving. 1.3069 0.05403 101 74 23 4
1208 One of you will be the next leader. The rest will be pies. 1.3069 0.05403 101 74 23 4
1209 This year, let's skip the 4th of July window displays and just go right to Halloween. If Christmas can start in September, we can start in July. 1.3068 0.05682 88 64 21 3
1210 Today we carve a new path. 1.3068 0.05202 88 62 25 1
1211 You’ll all be happy to know that full dental benefits are included in next year’s compensation package. 1.3068 0.06124 88 66 17 5
1212 After this, let's get smashed. 1.3067 0.07096 75 58 11 6
1213 I know just how to put smiles on your faces. 1.3061 0.06390 98 77 12 9
1214 I too was stumped but then a candle went off in my head. 1.3061 0.05694 98 73 20 5
1215 On the count of three everyone named “Jack” light up! 1.3061 0.05506 98 72 22 4
1216 No guts, no glory. 1.3061 0.05506 98 72 22 4
1217 I’m afraid I will no longer be requiring your services after 1 November 1.3061 0.06052 98 75 16 7
1218 Fortunately apple pie remains the nation’s favorite. 1.3061 0.05311 98 71 24 3
1219 Much more important than greed, nepotism is good. 1.3059 0.05803 85 62 20 3
1220 First to present will be Jack. 1.3059 0.06487 85 65 14 6
1221 I fear that we've become a shell of our true selves. 1.3059 0.05803 85 62 20 3
1222 What about pies depresses you all? 1.3059 0.05803 85 62 20 3
1223 We’ve been asked to donate to the pie-eating contest. 1.3059 0.06040 85 63 18 4
1224 Let me recarve that. 1.3059 0.05803 85 62 20 3
1225 For a minute, can we all stop being so empty-headed? 1.3059 0.05803 85 62 20 3
1226 Sorry everybody… it’s been a good run but pumpkin spice is officially done. 1.3058 0.04958 121 89 27 5
1227 Does anyone want a Starbucks? 1.3056 0.06141 72 52 18 2
1228 We obviously have no board diversity requirement, but it’s concerning that we’re all named Jack. 1.3056 0.05497 108 81 21 6
1229 Jack I don’t think introductions are necessary. 1.3056 0.05337 108 80 23 5
1230 Don’t be alarmed but we were just acquired by a major pie-making company. 1.3056 0.05803 108 83 17 8
1231 I know you’re all upset that my father left me the company, but I am the next of pump-kin. 1.3053 0.05810 95 71 19 5
1232 You all need to work on your affect this year 1.3053 0.05614 95 70 21 4
1233 Come on now, turn those frowns upside down. 1.3053 0.06000 95 72 17 6
1234 I’m sorry, it’s rotten, but we have to make cuts. 1.3049 0.06181 82 61 17 4
1235 ...and since it's not a requirement to look like a pumpkin to own the company, let's entertain Mr. Musk's offer. 1.3049 0.05933 82 60 19 3
1236 Some of us are cut out for this kind of work. You might say we have a fire inside of us. 1.3049 0.06181 82 61 17 4
1237 I’m looking for a volunteer for the pumpkin soup. 1.3048 0.05434 105 78 22 5
1238 Four words, gentlemen: pumpkin, spice, nasal, spray. 1.3043 0.05934 92 69 18 5
1239 Why all the grim faces? 1.3043 0.05517 92 67 22 3
1240 As of November 1st, you're all fired. 1.3043 0.05934 92 69 18 5
1241 So, apparently ‘Punkin Head’ from the mail room married the owner’s daughter. 1.3043 0.05934 92 69 18 5
1242 Any ideas on how to maintain our relevance as we move into the new year? 1.3043 0.07809 69 55 7 7
1243 Anyone hear not named Jack? 1.3043 0.06324 92 71 14 7
1244 Who has ideas on how to get ahead? 1.3043 0.05934 92 69 18 5
1245 I’m pleased to announce that pumpkin pie is no longer on our lunch menu. 1.3043 0.05517 92 67 22 3
1246 Put on a happy face. 1.3043 0.05729 92 68 20 4
1247 It the next few weeks expect to be eaten by squirrels, rotting to nothing, then discarded. But first, your thoughts on next year. 1.3043 0.05934 92 69 18 5
1248 Let’s not lose our heads over this Pumpkin Late craze. 1.3039 0.05536 102 76 21 5
1249 I need you to find 11,780 more votes to keep me from being baked into a pie. 1.3039 0.05877 102 78 17 7
1250 I take it that's a "No" vote on having a pumpkin smashing contest at this year's Halloween party? 1.3039 0.05709 102 77 19 6
1251 What do you say we go get smashed tonight? 1.3039 0.05709 102 77 19 6
1252 Now, let me explain the pie-chart... 1.3038 0.06332 79 59 16 4
1253 I see that we are of one mind here. 1.3038 0.05797 79 57 20 2
1254 We need ways to escape the image of being so damn seasonal. 1.3038 0.06332 79 59 16 4
1255 We've been bought out by Mr. Potato Head! 1.3038 0.06826 79 61 12 6
1256 So, which one of you is the diversity consultant? 1.3038 0.06332 79 59 16 4
1257 Then it’s settled. We’re going with pecan and apple. 1.3038 0.06332 79 59 16 4
1258 I know I've kept you here late, but in my defense, who takes the expression 'turn into a pumpkin' literally 1.3036 0.05649 112 86 18 8
1259 So what if we call our company the pumpkin patch? 1.3034 0.05397 89 64 23 2
1260 Glad to have everyone back in the office and together again. So let’s turn those frowns upside down!! 1.3034 0.05628 89 65 21 3
1261 Let’s nail down the graphics—and remember, no pie charts! 1.3034 0.06472 89 69 13 7
1262 Christmas party's coming up in two months, if anyone cares. 1.3033 0.05320 122 93 21 8
1263 Why the sad faces? Smashing Pumpkins band is headlining our Halloween party downstairs in the atrium and you're all invited... 1.3030 0.05824 99 75 18 6
1264 Jack, thank you for your input. Jack...? 1.3030 0.05266 99 72 24 3
1265 Ok, here’s my idea. Human spiced lattes! 1.3030 0.05644 99 74 20 5
1266 If we are going to be productive, we can’t all be Jack. 1.3028 0.05607 109 83 19 7
1267 Apparently, HR received an anonymous complaint about nepotism… 1.3028 0.05756 109 84 17 8
1268 I really appreciate how everyone has gotten on board this month’s holiday theme! 1.3028 0.05607 109 83 19 7
1269 And after such a strong October, we’re predicting demand will only continue to rise in November. 1.3028 0.05453 109 82 21 6
1270 Next month's loyalty test will be turkey helmets. 1.3026 0.07014 76 59 11 6
1271 Wow, you all look so different in person. 1.3026 0.06759 76 58 13 5
1272 Anyone want to go get smashed? 1.3023 0.06421 86 66 14 6
1273 If you're wondering where Jack is, he's been canned. 1.3023 0.06421 86 66 14 6
1274 In the name of diversity call me Donald. 1.3023 0.05980 86 64 18 4
1275 Supreme Court of the United States 1.3023 0.06421 86 66 14 6
1276 Gourd work everyone. 1.3021 0.05758 96 72 19 5
1277 Postponing this discussion until next month is a rotten idea. 1.3021 0.05946 96 73 17 6
1278 Use your heads. 1.3021 0.06127 96 74 15 7
1279 so we all agree we hire the Spice Girls 1.3021 0.05758 96 72 19 5
1280 I don't think you need me to point out that we can expect the next quarter to be soft. 1.3021 0.05565 96 71 21 4
1281 Trick or treat. It's right in your contracts. 1.3021 0.06475 96 76 11 9
1282 Good news… our pie chart shows a holiday increase! 1.3021 0.05946 96 73 17 6
1283 We believe we can copyright that politician's color. 1.3021 0.06127 96 74 15 7
1284 I called this meeting to consider the proposed merger with Amalgamated Cantaloupe. 1.3021 0.05946 96 73 17 6
1285 from the looks on everyone’s faces, I assume you’ve heard about the restructuring plans. 1.3021 0.05758 96 72 19 5
1286 Good news: We’ve had a smashing quarter. Bad news: You’ll be smashed next quarter. 1.3021 0.05758 96 72 19 5
1287 This year we will launch a holiday marketing campaign targeting Christmas. 1.3019 0.05555 106 80 20 6
1288 Profits are down. One of you is pumpkin pie. 1.3019 0.05714 106 81 18 7
1289 I can turn you into respected and well-paid executives, but that only lasts until midnight. 1.3014 0.06376 73 54 16 3
1290 I hate to inform that you will not be getting your Halloween Boonus this year 1.3014 0.06668 73 55 14 4
1291 Why the glum faces? 1.3012 0.06580 83 64 13 6
1292 I fired the CEO and CFO. Peter, Peter starts tomorrow! 1.3012 0.06117 83 62 17 4
1293 Smile! 1.3011 0.05677 93 69 20 4
1294 You don’t have to call me the Chairman, just the Head Pumpkin 1.3011 0.05879 93 70 18 5
1295 ‘We need five volunteers for pumpkin pie.’ 1.3011 0.05467 93 68 22 3
1296 Boss, how do we Jack Our Lantern sales up? 1.3010 0.05827 103 79 17 7
1297 Now that I have you all here. It's time we discussed the Great Pumpkin visit to the company. 1.3010 0.05132 103 75 25 3
1298 Come on, let's put a happy face on it 1.3010 0.05490 103 77 21 5
1299 And there will have to be more cuts. 1.3008 0.04751 123 90 29 4
1300 Let's patch up all our differences, carve out some time to try to illuminate the problems and make headway before the 31st. 1.3000 0.05596 100 75 20 5
1301 Let's give 'em pumpkin to talk about. 1.3000 0.06512 80 61 14 5
1302 For some of you it will be lights out. 1.3000 0.06856 70 53 13 4
1303 I suggest you carve your frowns upside-downs. 1.3000 0.05596 100 75 20 5
1304 We definitely couldn’t have done this on Zoom. 1.3000 0.06007 90 68 17 5
1305 We need a good plan for the 31st, any ideas? 1.3000 0.06113 100 78 14 8
1306 This is important: I don’t want to see any goofy smiles, or hear any empty headed comments! 1.3000 0.05596 100 75 20 5
1307 What's with the empty faces? Lighten up! 1.3000 0.06211 90 69 15 6
1308 Boo---who said that 1.3000 0.06512 80 61 14 5
1309 I want to focus on our goals for November 1.3000 0.06006 80 59 18 3
1310 Corporate layoffs will begin November 1st. 1.3000 0.05563 110 84 19 7
1311 All in favor of making Farmer McGregor our honorary chairman, say aye. 1.3000 0.05347 90 65 23 2
1312 I'd like to call this gourd meeting to order. 1.3000 0.06007 90 68 17 5
1313 I´ve been told that the pumpkins should rot off our heads in a month or two. 1.3000 0.05563 110 84 19 7
1314 You’re all Pumpkin Heads to me … But, don’t worry no one else will notice. 1.3000 0.05946 100 77 16 7
1315 Jack's the only one with bright ideas. The rest of you have mush and seeds for brains. 1.3000 0.05946 100 77 16 7
1316 OK, who called the gourd meeting? 1.3000 0.05222 100 73 24 3
1317 Gentlemen, we’re adding a dental plan! 1.3000 0.06409 90 70 13 7
1318 Well jack are we getting lit this week 1.3000 0.05596 100 75 20 5
1319 The investors are spooked! 1.3000 0.05946 100 77 16 7
1320 The Gourd Board meeting is hereby adjourned 1.3000 0.06006 80 59 18 3
1321 I’m your new boss—your old boss was promoted to the landfill. 1.2991 0.05855 117 93 13 11
1322 Hopefully, you will find my optimism to be infectious. 1.2991 0.05510 107 81 20 6
1323 The B shares vote “trick”. 1.2991 0.05667 107 82 18 7
1324 We have to make a decision before our heads rot or the squirrels get us 1.2990 0.05317 97 71 23 3
1325 Gentlemen,by the end of October we will be a smashing success 1.2990 0.05707 97 73 19 5
1326 I’ve got gourd news and bad news for this quarter. 1.2990 0.05516 97 72 21 4
1327 Seems this year has been scary enough, we’ve been asked to lighten up a little more. 1.2990 0.05516 97 72 21 4
1328 So, who volunteers to have their brains scooped out and eaten this year? 1.2989 0.06143 87 66 16 5
1329 Who gets the spice? 1.2989 0.05921 87 65 18 4
1330 Now that I own Twitter… 1.2989 0.05921 87 65 18 4
1331 The good news is you are all an hour early. The bad news is you are all starting to rot. 1.2989 0.06356 87 67 14 6
1332 Listen, I can give you the tools to carve out a plan, but only you can set your face on fire. 1.2989 0.06356 87 67 14 6
1333 Thoughts and prayers to those of you who’ve lost loved ones to lattes and pies. 1.2987 0.06421 77 58 15 4
1334 Frankly, it goes without saying that our diversity training has been immensely successful. 1.2987 0.06149 77 57 17 3
1335 If next quarter’s results don’t improve, heads are going to roll. 1.2987 0.06149 77 57 17 3
1336 I've asked Jack to update us on our workplace diversity initiative. 1.2985 0.07372 67 52 10 5
1337 Bad news, “Pumpkin” is not the new black. 1.2985 0.06730 67 50 14 3
1338 It’s unanimous. We ban Halloween! 1.2981 0.05271 104 77 23 4
1339 I've called in our chef to make pumpkin pies! 1.2981 0.05778 104 80 17 7
1340 Anybody here want soup, pie, or a spice latte? 1.2981 0.05614 104 79 19 6
1341 We’re all smiling now, but we’re limited to seasonal work. 1.2979 0.06205 94 73 14 7
1342 Am I the only one smiling? 1.2979 0.06018 94 72 16 6
1343 After your recent performance, it's time to smash some heads! 1.2979 0.06018 94 72 16 6
1344 Who cares about diversity? 1.2979 0.05202 94 68 24 2
1345 The question gentlemen, is what do we hope to accomplish before we start to rot and deer and squirrels eat what's left of our brains? 1.2979 0.05825 94 71 18 5
1346 I’m afraid some of you are not going to make it past Thanksgiving 1.2979 0.06205 94 73 14 7
1347 C'mon, lets turn those frowns upside down! 1.2979 0.05825 94 71 18 5
1348 Smile, guys. We just cornered the candy corn market! 1.2979 0.05625 94 70 20 4
1349 we need to carve a niche 1.2976 0.06055 84 63 17 4
1350 Starting in November you will address me as Jacqueline-o'-lantern. 1.2976 0.06938 84 67 9 8
1351 Okay, first, maybe you could all put on a happy face. 1.2976 0.05813 84 62 19 3
1352 On the plus side, we're still ahead of the Thanksgiving turkey! 1.2976 0.05813 84 62 19 3
1353 Okay boys, DEI says we need to bring in the witches. 1.2976 0.05813 84 62 19 3
1354 If they think that we are rotten now, just wait until mid November after all the ballots are counted. 1.2973 0.06865 74 57 12 5
1355 Of all the empty headed suggestions. 1.2973 0.06303 74 55 16 3
1356 We hit a rough patch and must let some of you go. 1.2973 0.06865 74 57 12 5
1357 All of you are invited to the annual squash tournament this year. 1.2970 0.05548 101 76 20 5
1358 Perfect, enough for ten pies! 1.2970 0.05548 101 76 20 5
1359 Yeah, well, I guess I had a big advantage when they carved a smile on my face. 1.2970 0.05367 101 75 22 4
1360 Who wants to volunteer for the compost committee. 1.2970 0.05894 101 78 16 7
1361 Always the maverick, Kevin from accounting did not raise his stem 1.2970 0.05548 101 76 20 5
1362 . “Now on a lighter note: Turn those frowns upside down. It’s Halloween!” 1.2970 0.06060 101 79 14 8
1363 Are there no flickers left in those empty heads of yours? 1.2967 0.05949 91 69 17 5
1364 What do you say we go electric? 1.2967 0.05524 91 67 21 3
1365 I Come to enlighten you 1.2967 0.05524 91 67 21 3
1366 Don’t worry gentlemen, the pumpkin should rot off of our heads in a month or two 1.2967 0.05949 91 69 17 5
1367 Why the glum faces? It’s literally our only profitable month! 1.2963 0.06442 81 62 14 5
1368 I was the only one carved with a smile, so I'm the only one getting a bonus. 1.2963 0.05465 108 82 20 6
1369 Elon Musk's first day at Twitter 1.2963 0.06904 81 64 10 7
1370 I may look happy, but I'm very disappointed in all of you." 1.2963 0.06442 81 62 14 5
1371 I’d like to liquidate our position in pumpkin spice for moral reasons. 1.2959 0.05468 98 73 21 4
1372 We don’t have ears. That’s a problem. 1.2959 0.06017 98 76 15 7
1373 Can we all agree that we have much more in common than that which separates us? 1.2959 0.05657 98 74 19 5
1374 Ok, who's got a light? 1.2959 0.06017 98 76 15 7
1375 Ok boys…I don’t want to hear that any of you are going soft on me. 1.2959 0.05468 98 73 21 4
1376 There has been talk that some of us are out of our Gourd … 1.2959 0.05468 98 73 21 4
1377 Jack, could you start us off? 1.2959 0.06017 98 76 15 7
1378 I think we need to light a fire in each of us! 1.2958 0.07062 71 55 11 5
1379 I see someone forgot his stalk. Want to talk about it, Mort??? 1.2958 0.06771 71 54 13 4
1380 I don't need to see light bulbs coming on over your heads, but a flicker or two from inside would be nice. 1.2955 0.06082 88 67 16 5
1381 Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater has bought our company. 1.2955 0.06293 88 68 14 6
1382 Unfortunately, I must warn you that the prospectus we’re about to review does contain pie charts. 1.2955 0.06082 88 67 16 5
1383 Somebody has to be Latte this year, volunteer or I’ll choose. 1.2955 0.06082 88 67 16 5
1384 Get ready, next month it's turkeys! 1.2955 0.06497 88 69 12 7
1385 I’ll be collecting all your candles at the end of this meeting. We have to downsize. 1.2955 0.06293 88 68 14 6
1386 The raucous applause heard after the Chairman’s line about lighting a fire in each of them had become a kind of muted disillusionment as he then noted that he’d first need to make a nice stew from their insides. 1.2955 0.05863 88 66 18 4
1387 The hospital board's presentation on new seasonal-themed Personal Protective Equipment wasn't as smashing as hoped. Everyone left feeling carved, gutted, and falsely represented. 1.2955 0.06293 88 68 14 6
1388 Welcome to the new Gourd Room! 1.2952 0.05228 105 78 23 4
1389 I’m afraid you’re all being terminated November 1st. 1.2952 0.05567 105 80 19 6
1390 Welcome Twitter team! Today, is your early retirement day! 1.2952 0.05887 105 82 15 8
1391 First off, which one of you is Dave? 1.2952 0.05567 105 80 19 6
1392 I can't imagine why our company is being accused of nepotism. 1.2949 0.06350 78 59 15 4
1393 Okay, go ahead, Jack. No, the other Jack. No, not you, the other, other Jack. Oh, this is getting us nowhere. 1.2949 0.06607 78 60 13 5
1394 We gotta stop them from using our dead head to scare thier kind. 1.2949 0.06607 78 60 13 5
1395 As a condition of you're employment, you must all legally change your name to Jack. 1.2947 0.06327 95 75 12 8
1396 Finally! No more masks this year. 1.2947 0.05157 95 69 24 2
1397 We have to finish this meeting before our heads rot 1.2947 0.05772 95 72 18 5
1398 And, I'm happy to announce, you're all slated to get smashed on October 31! 1.2941 0.05993 85 64 17 4
1399 Welcome to the therapy group for the cruel and unusually mauled. 1.2941 0.06306 68 50 16 2
1400 Sorry gentlemen, we don't use pie charts this time of the year. Leo Lane Petaluma, CA 1.2941 0.05755 85 63 19 3
1401 I'm sure you've all noticed that things are a little frightening right now. 1.2941 0.06968 68 52 12 4
1402 We’ll break now for apple-cider donuts and apple cider or pumpkin-spice lattes. 1.2941 0.05993 85 64 17 4
1403 We will all burnout by the end of the month. 1.2941 0.05993 85 64 17 4
1404 Let’s get our heads together and carve out a plan 1.2941 0.06306 68 50 16 2
1405 HR has informed me that you all called Susan 'pumpkin' again. She's filed complaints. Let's remember our workplace harassment policies... I don't want to have heads roll during our busy season. 1.2941 0.04944 102 74 26 2
1406 As chairman of the gourd, I handpicked my team from the best pumpkin patches in the industry 1.2941 0.05675 102 78 18 6
1407 Cheer up - these are a lot more comfortable than the Thanksgiving Turkey Heads! 1.2935 0.06093 92 71 15 6
1408 So I'm waiting for the train, and this gourd comes up to me. And, you know how gourds have those gross, fucked-up warts all over them? Not all gourds, of course. Just, you know, most of them. Oh, come on. Don't give me that look — you know it's true! 1.2935 0.06286 92 72 13 7
1409 ...so at midnight, you will turn into people. 1.2935 0.06286 92 72 13 7
1410 Thank you for joining me for our monthly Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion meeting. 1.2935 0.05687 92 69 19 4
1411 These are exciting times to be a pumpkin 1.2935 0.06655 92 74 9 9
1412 Whose head will decorate my porch THIS YEAR? 1.2935 0.05473 92 68 21 3
1413 So, folks, here's the deal. We've got a guy riding around on horseback without a head. Who's in on this? . 1.2935 0.06093 92 71 15 6
1414 Lighten up! 1.2933 0.07045 75 59 10 6
1415 In todays meeting, I’d like to pick all of your brains. But don’t worry—I’ll roast them with salt for our afternoon snack. 1.2933 0.06785 75 58 12 5
1416 Chew over the pie chart. 1.2931 0.05340 116 89 20 7
1417 Come on! Whatever happened all those smiling faces. 1.2929 0.05420 99 74 21 4
1418 Now, let's hear from Jack. 1.2929 0.05607 99 75 19 5
1419 I've hired an expert carver to turn your frowns upside down. 1.2929 0.05607 99 75 19 5
1420 This time I mean it. HEADS are going to roll. Literally. 1.2929 0.05227 99 73 23 3
1421 As your new CEO I've carved out some time for us to squash recent rumors and patch things up. 1.2929 0.05227 99 73 23 3
1422 As CEO, I'm glad to see we all go to Trump's barber. 1.2929 0.05964 99 77 15 7
1423 next round of layoffs, heads will roll 1.2929 0.05964 99 77 15 7
1424 I don't want to hear any more of this "We don't have a fun workplace culture" anymore, OK? 1.2929 0.05964 99 77 15 7
1425 Rest assured I'll squash any ideas you bring to the table. 1.2927 0.06132 82 62 16 4
1426 Trick or treat! We'll be making some more personnel cuts! 1.2927 0.05345 82 59 22 1
1427 So we are finally suing Cinderella for misrepresenting the Pumpkin society and being part of the anti-pumpkin movement. Who is willing to work on the case ? 1.2927 0.06605 82 64 12 6
1428 Turn those frowns upsidedown - by our next meeting. 1.2925 0.05186 106 79 23 4
1429 Believe me, I’m just as upset as you are. I’m just carved this way. 1.2923 0.06476 65 48 15 2
1430 So, we're in agreement? 1.2921 0.05806 89 67 18 4
1431 We're phasing out nutmeg. 1.2921 0.05582 89 66 20 3
1432 I wish you’d stop saying ‘“quash the motion.” 1.2921 0.06022 89 68 16 5
1433 At least you all know Jack... 1.2921 0.05806 89 67 18 4
1434 We are looking for a new CEO , but I'm not sure any of you are cut out for it 1.2921 0.06231 89 69 14 6
1435 I want to light a fire in all of you. We’re going to smash it. 1.2921 0.06432 89 70 12 7
1436 I regret to inform you…the squirrels have evolved.” 1.2920 0.04978 113 84 25 4
1437 Okay, report for fiscal year ending 10-31 1.2920 0.04877 137 105 24 8
1438 We are having pie for lunch. 1.2917 0.06689 72 55 13 4
1439 All right then the motion to replace me is squashed. 1.2917 0.06076 72 53 17 2
1440 Now, remember not to burn a candle at both ends. 1.2917 0.05524 96 72 20 4
1441 Let’s get going; we have a minyan. 1.2917 0.06390 72 54 15 3
1442 I understand the interest in Cabo, but the Halloween party will be in Sleepy Hollow again this year. 1.2917 0.05719 96 73 18 5
1443 If we put our heads together, we can make Halloween year round” 1.2917 0.05908 96 74 16 6
1444 All of you look smashing, pumpkins. 1.2913 0.05278 103 77 22 4
1445 The vote is unanimous against a diversity training program. 1.2911 0.06016 79 59 17 3
1446 Yes, I’ve lost all our seed money. Blew it on spice. 1.2911 0.06016 79 59 17 3
1447 All in favor of making Halloween 8 nights say at. 1.2911 0.06534 79 61 13 5
1448 If you prefer to be called "they", please raise your hand. 1.2911 0.06534 79 61 13 5
1449 I understand the objection, but pie charts are the most convenient way of presenting the information. 1.2911 0.06280 79 60 15 4
1450 For our next meeting, we'll all be wearing turkey heads. 1.2909 0.05681 110 86 16 8
1451 Ok. President Trump. We see it the same way! 1.2909 0.05826 110 87 14 9
1452 Jacks of all trade 1.2909 0.05059 110 82 24 4
1453 I know yesterday was a huge success. But it's now November, and we're downsizing this department. 1.2907 0.05698 86 64 19 3
1454 Now that we reached an agreement let's go get lit! 1.2907 0.06159 86 66 15 5
1455 We’ve had complaints about leadership diversity 1.2907 0.05698 86 64 19 3
1456 Good news! We got the pumpkin spice latte account! 1.2907 0.05933 86 65 17 4
1457 This year’s Dental Plan includes a serrated knife 1.2907 0.06159 86 66 15 5
1458 Well.. I thought it was funny 1.2907 0.06159 86 66 15 5
1459 Morale would improve greatly if you all went ahead and got a smile carved into your face. 1.2903 0.05423 93 69 21 3
1460 The diversity committee thinks we need to make some changes. 1.2903 0.05838 93 71 17 5
1461 Ok , so any suggestions about what type of pie we can make for the holidays? 1.2903 0.06035 93 72 15 6
1462 We’re finally going to show our competitors we’re more than just a bunch of empty talking heads. 1.2903 0.05838 93 71 17 5
1463 I’ve been given six months to replace five of you with squash. 1.2903 0.06226 93 73 13 7
1464 Grim is good this year! 1.2900 0.05559 100 76 19 5
1465 Ok...I see everyone has gotten their assignment for the 31st. Any questions? 1.2899 0.06229 69 51 16 2
1466 I'd like to begin this meeting by introducing our newest member, Jack. 1.2897 0.05313 107 81 21 5
1467 I've been notified by corporate that we have to cease our parody of Trump! 1.2895 0.07210 76 61 8 7
1468 It’s good to see we’re in agreement 1.2895 0.05869 76 56 18 2
1469 We are planning to hunt for Ichobod Crane. 1.2895 0.06160 76 57 16 3
1470 I’m happy to tell you all we will be working on Monday. 1.2895 0.06439 76 58 14 4
1471 I’ve got two tickets for Smashing Pumpkins, any takers? 1.2895 0.06439 76 58 14 4
1472 Gentlemen, today we declare war on the seasonal latte industrial complex. 1.2892 0.06068 83 63 16 4
1473 If you don't have a smile on your face, maybe you just can't cut it. 1.2892 0.05821 83 62 18 3
1474 We have one goal and one goal only. Squash our competition! 1.2889 0.06170 90 70 14 6
1475 Jimmy got smashed at the party last night and won’t be joining us. 1.2889 0.05751 90 68 18 4
1476 We will see some changes around this table by the end of the month… 1.2889 0.05751 90 68 18 4
1477 I won't be showing a pie chart. 1.2889 0.05529 90 67 20 3
1478 The corporate pie is getting bigger and you'll all be part of it. 1.2889 0.05964 90 69 16 5
1479 FYI— Next month’s theme is Turkeys. 1.2889 0.05751 90 68 18 4
1480 Mr Orange, how’s the diversity initiative coming along? 1.2887 0.06035 97 76 14 7
1481 All of us gone by Christmas? I don't see it. 1.2887 0.05855 97 75 16 6
1482 This year we’re promoting Halloween cheer—although you wouldn’t know it from the look carved on your faces. 1.2887 0.05855 97 75 16 6
1483 Nothing major. Just a little Botox. 1.2887 0.05475 97 73 20 4
1484 So, I called this meeting because it seems SOME of us have mistaken the spooky Halloween spirit for ‘workplace harassment.’ 1.2887 0.05855 97 75 16 6
1485 And of course we will continue our Halloween tradition of allocating smiles to the firm's most highly compensated officers. 1.2885 0.05409 104 79 20 5
1486 In any case, it looks like the merger with Christmas is a go. 1.2885 0.05409 104 79 20 5
1487 Seasonal fatigue has all feeling a little empty-headed. 1.2883 0.06189 111 91 8 12
1488 When great rinds think alike. 1.2879 0.06017 66 48 17 1
1489 It appears that this gourd meeting has reached an impasse. 1.2879 0.06392 66 49 15 2
1490 If we don’t meet our sales quota next month, heads are gonna roll. 1.2877 0.05335 73 52 21 0
1491 My head is part of a new line being released. 1.2877 0.06315 73 55 15 3
1492 He called her his little pumpkin and she’s suing for harassment.” 1.2875 0.05952 80 60 17 3
1493 Tim realized that without a stem, he wouldn't be taken seriously. 1.2875 0.05952 80 60 17 3
1494 I’d like to discuss my carve-out proposal. 1.2875 0.05952 80 60 17 3
1495 Please stay firm. Just remember our competitors the plastic pumpkins. 1.2875 0.06462 80 62 13 5
1496 Scariest. Gourd meeting. Ever. 1.2875 0.06212 80 61 15 4
1497 This ‘Peter Peter’ must be neutralized. 1.2875 0.06462 80 62 13 5
1498 Given last week’s debacle, we will no longer have a carving station at the annual company picnic. 1.2874 0.06097 87 67 15 5
1499 So glad to see all your faces light up. 1.2874 0.06097 87 67 15 5
1500 Our critics don't know Jack. 1.2874 0.06097 87 67 15 5
1501 We can't seem to get the pumpkin head filter off of our video. 1.2874 0.06097 87 67 15 5
1502 You’re all fired for stealing my costume idea. 1.2874 0.05874 87 66 17 4
1503 I assure you all, you'll have your bonuses by Christmas. 1.2874 0.05874 87 66 17 4
1504 I believe some of you aren't going to make the cut this year. 1.2872 0.05583 94 71 19 4
1505 It’s better than a potato head. 1.2872 0.05583 94 71 19 4
1506 Gentlemen, it's November 1st, you're all fired! 1.2872 0.05978 94 73 15 6
1507 That's not quite what I had in mind when I asked you to carve out time for this meeting. 1.2872 0.05374 94 70 21 3
1508 As chairman,I see no proof our board is not diverse. 1.2872 0.05784 94 72 17 5
1509 Well, we made it through another Hallowe’en. And not one of us was devoured by squirrels. 1.2872 0.06167 94 74 13 7
1510 No, I haven’t seen the forecast. 1.2871 0.05688 101 78 17 6
1511 Well, if that's the case, we'll have to carve out a whole new business plan. 1.2871 0.05328 101 76 21 4
1512 We’re downsizing. It will cut our costs 50% and make five pies. Sherry Shuman Morgantown, WV 1.2871 0.05688 101 78 17 6
1513 Cheer up, we’ll all be compost by the time the year end numbers tank. 1.2871 0.05139 101 75 23 3
1514 Santa’s plotting a hostile takeover and we need to carve out our strategy. 1.2871 0.05511 101 77 19 5
1515 First item on the agenda: What to do with our image problem this time of the year? 1.2870 0.05104 108 81 23 4
1516 I need you to think outside the gourd" 1.2857 0.06153 70 52 16 2
1517 We need someone who thinks outside the patch. 1.2857 0.06366 77 59 14 4
1518 Item one on today’s agenda- hiring a diversity officer. 1.2857 0.05802 98 76 16 6
1519 Now we know loose candy corn isn't exactly what you all had in mind for your holiday bonus... 1.2857 0.06366 77 59 14 4
1520 Next we'll hear from the spice latte division. 1.2857 0.05507 84 62 20 2
1521 Really? No takers? Pumpkin spice lattes are on me today. 1.2857 0.05802 98 76 16 6
1522 Gentlemen, I know you don't like to hear this, but we need to carve down the budget. 1.2857 0.06091 77 58 16 3
1523 I'm afraid we're going to have to go back to the patch on this one, Jack. 1.2857 0.05906 91 70 16 5
1524 Now that we've all had our brains scooped out, time for some critical decisions. 1.2857 0.05696 91 69 18 4
1525 I can't have this team getting smashed over the weekend. We have important work on Monday. 1.2857 0.06882 77 61 10 6
1526 The new carve-outs will turn those frowns upside-down! 1.2857 0.05507 84 62 20 2
1527 I'm pleased to announce that Elon Musk has purchased the company. 1.2857 0.06153 70 52 16 2
1528 It’s time we carved out a niche in the market. 1.2857 0.05445 112 87 18 7
1529 As you can see, I had work done. 1.2857 0.06481 70 53 14 3
1530 Around this busy holiday season I want to thank you all for carving out time for this company. 1.2857 0.06005 84 64 16 4
1531 And then on November first we’ll all get smashed 1.2857 0.05533 105 81 18 6
1532 Gentlemen, I'm afriad we've had to cut back on candles. 1.2857 0.06465 84 66 12 6
1533 I'm happy to announce our new partnership with Starbucks 1.2857 0.06629 77 60 12 5
1534 Happiness is an inside job, punkins! 1.2857 0.05981 98 77 14 7
1535 Gentlemen, I’ve been informed we have to make some cuts. 1.2857 0.05618 98 75 18 5
1536 Need you to burn the candle at both ends. 1.2843 0.04902 102 75 25 2
1537 I think it's time to start thinking about Christmas sales. 1.2843 0.05283 102 77 21 4
1538 Starting November first, only regular coffee. All in favor, say aye. 1.2842 0.05532 95 72 19 4
1539 Trust me, gentlemen, the sweet potato industry doesn't stand a chance 1.2842 0.06290 95 76 11 8
1540 I’ll make this easy. Jack, your fired. 1.2842 0.05532 95 72 19 4
1541 Mini pumpkins are all the rage this year so your kids are probably dead. 1.2842 0.06109 95 75 13 7
1542 I think it goes without saying that our year end is October 31st 1.2841 0.05587 88 66 19 3
1543 I don't think we can just squash the competition. 1.2841 0.05816 88 67 17 4
1544 With my thanks for a really great fall season, I'm afraid I have to inform you the Board has decided to carve out some new department heads. 1.2841 0.06036 88 68 15 5
1545 I’m allowing Trump back on Twitter. What could go wrong? 1.2841 0.05816 88 67 17 4
1546 Sales are freaky scary... We must find a way to spice things up! 1.2841 0.06036 88 68 15 5
1547 Our sales goal this year is to gain a bigger piece of the pie. 1.2840 0.05620 81 60 19 2
1548 I anticipate a glowing report for the next quarter. 1.2840 0.05620 81 60 19 2
1549 We are going in a new direction. Pies. 1.2840 0.06628 81 64 11 6
1550 I guess these look better, but the masks were more comfortable. 1.2840 0.05889 81 61 17 3
1551 I don't care how important you think you are; we all have to do our duty on the 31st 1.2838 0.05937 74 55 17 2
1552 The shareholders are telling us that we need to grow organically. 1.2838 0.06808 74 58 11 5
1553 So no one has the guts to speak up? 1.2833 0.05574 120 96 14 10
1554 Now if you take a look at this pumpkin pie chart… 1.2832 0.05102 113 86 22 5
1555 Profits were down last quarter, but on the bright side, it’s better than a sharp knife in the eye. 1.2828 0.06098 99 79 12 8
1556 I'm thinking we add a sweet potato to eliminate any concerns the board lacks diversity. 1.2828 0.05380 99 75 20 4
1557 who has some illuminating ideas? 1.2826 0.06051 92 72 14 6
1558 It’s come to my attention that we actually do have dental benefits 1.2826 0.05850 92 71 16 5
1559 First off, thank you all for carving out some time for this meeting. 1.2824 0.06398 85 67 12 6
1560 One of you will have to be squashed. 1.2824 0.05944 85 65 16 4
1561 One final housekeeping item - this will be an unpaid lanternship. 1.2824 0.06398 85 67 12 6
1562 I can't read the room. You have no teeth. 1.2824 0.05944 85 65 16 4
1563 Is it true Elon is hiring Billy Corgan? 1.2824 0.06175 85 66 14 5
1564 Gentlemen, we are officially one pumpkin spice latte away from launching the hostile takeover 1.2824 0.05944 85 65 16 4
1565 Have you considered a pumpkin stem transplant, Jerry? 1.2824 0.05944 85 65 16 4
1566 Benefits do not include vision or dental. 1.2821 0.06294 78 60 14 4
1567 Okay. It’s official. We’re the Pumpkin Party! 1.2821 0.05741 78 58 18 2
1568 It's obvious to me that we need more diversity on this gourd of directors group." 1.2821 0.06294 78 60 14 4
1569 Then it's agreed. "Dead Baby Spice" for Fall. 1.2821 0.06803 78 62 10 6
1570 We expect sales to keep going up well through New Year's. 1.2821 0.06554 78 61 12 5
1571 I’d like to introduce our new HR manager, Peter, Peter. 1.2821 0.05443 78 57 20 1
1572 Anyone have any Thanksgiving plans? 1.2821 0.06024 78 59 16 3
1573 It's hard to fathom, but I've been accused of nepotism..... 1.2821 0.06554 78 61 12 5
1574 The Pie Division will be needing a new Head 1.2821 0.06554 78 61 12 5
1575 Don’t be alarmed! I said we just need one of you for the pie. 1.2821 0.06294 78 60 14 4
1576 Happiness is a choice 1.2821 0.06024 78 59 16 3
1577 “It looks like we’re going to have to carve some happier faces before our next board meeting.” 1.2818 0.04855 110 82 25 3
1578 We've just received a class action lawsuit from those witches. 1.2817 0.06708 71 55 12 4
1579 do you know pi is eternal 1.2817 0.06401 71 54 14 3
1580 We need to be careful how we vote on this one gentlemen. Remember what happened to the turkeys". 1.2817 0.06401 71 54 14 3
1581 Corporate wants me to make some more cuts 1.2817 0.06079 71 53 16 2
1582 Welcome to your first carving class! 1.2817 0.06079 71 53 16 2
1583 Relax guys. We are made it through Halloween. 1.2816 0.05418 103 79 19 5
1584 We need to think outside the lantern. 1.2816 0.04662 103 75 27 1
1585 Looking around this table, I see no reason why we can’t pivot our company to Easter! 1.2816 0.05590 103 80 17 6
1586 Business is so good , it's scary! 1.2812 0.05278 96 72 21 3
1587 It’s Halloween - no working from home today 1.2812 0.07542 64 51 8 5
1588 Let me remind you how fortunate you are to be picked for this! 1.2812 0.06481 64 48 14 2
1589 So sorry! I shouldn't have kept you past midnight. 1.2812 0.05278 96 72 21 3
1590 Well…I must admit I’ve carved out a very nice life for myself 1.2812 0.05678 96 74 17 5
1591 You see boys, some of us are just carved for leadership 1.2812 0.06481 64 48 14 2
1592 Did anyone bring candles ? 1.2809 0.05297 89 66 21 2
1593 I’ve got an idea on how we can spice up this presentation. 1.2809 0.05759 89 68 17 4
1594 The good news is profits are up. The bad news is I just swallowed a candle." 1.2809 0.05977 89 69 15 5
1595 Welcome everybody to the Donald Trump look-a-like club! 1.2809 0.05977 89 69 15 5
1596 Someone has been hollowing out our profits. 1.2809 0.05759 89 68 17 4
1597 We've merged with Thanksgiving. Half of you are going to be pie. 1.2809 0.06390 89 71 11 7
1598 Ok guys........ the big day's around the corner and once again weve got our work cut out for us... 1.2809 0.05759 89 68 17 4
1599 I can't help but feel like we're a hollow shell of what this company once was 1.2809 0.05533 89 67 19 3
1600 We need to carve out a new plan. 1.2809 0.05533 89 67 19 3
1601 I need another meeting like a need a hole in the head. 1.2809 0.05977 89 69 15 5
1602 We’ve decided to go more inclusive and start calling ourselves “Jack & Jill-o-lanterns 1.2809 0.05533 89 67 19 3
1603 Any other ideas for adding diversity to our executive team? 1.2805 0.06079 82 63 15 4
1604 The turkeys all voted against Thanksgiving. It didn't help. Any other ideas? 1.2805 0.05562 82 61 19 2
1605 As usual, we need volunteers for my children's pumpkin carving contest. 1.2805 0.05827 82 62 17 3
1606 :what happened to all my gourdeous gourdeous guys? 1.2805 0.06322 82 64 13 5
1607 I am afraid some of you will be hollowed and weaned. 1.2804 0.04560 107 78 28 1
1608 Cheer up! There's pie for every one of us. 1.2800 0.05700 100 78 16 6
1609 I booked The Smashing Pumpkins for our corporate retreat. 1.2800 0.05869 75 56 17 2
1610 We've got the white woman demographic nailed. What's next? 1.2800 0.06990 75 60 9 6
1611 Then it’s settled. Only smiley-face jack-o’-lanterns get a bonus this year. 1.2800 0.06728 75 59 11 5
1612 Are we ready as a company for casual Friday? 1.2800 0.06728 75 59 11 5
1613 SO....you all agree...I will continue to remain President of the Pumpkin Heads!! 1.2800 0.05519 100 77 18 5
1614 Given the past few years and the uncertainty in the world today, many of us may be feeling hollow 1.2800 0.05333 100 76 20 4
1615 Halloween was never this fun with Dorsey, right guys? 1.2800 0.06728 75 59 11 5
1616 Great news! We’re merging with Headless Horsemen United. 1.2800 0.05869 75 56 17 2
1617 Please, call me Gourd. Mr. Pumpkin was my father. 1.2796 0.05993 93 73 14 6
1618 Now who from our privileged lazy over-watered overweight minuscule demographic slice shall we raise to power this year? 1.2796 0.05590 93 71 18 4
1619 Everyone in favor, say 'Yeth.' 1.2796 0.05993 93 73 14 6
1620 Last one to rot - wins 1.2796 0.05993 93 73 14 6
1621 Our goal is diversity in the boardroom 1.2796 0.05993 93 73 14 6
1622 On the other hand, I'm glad we tested it on ourselves before we released it to the general public. 1.2796 0.05590 93 71 18 4
1623 The good news, we’ve had a great month! The bad news? Our faces are rotting. 1.2796 0.05590 93 71 18 4
1624 We’ll be looking for someone to lead the new eastern division. Someone with guts. 1.2794 0.06900 68 53 11 4
1625 I'd like to start off by saying I'm pleased to see that everyone read the recent dress code memo. 1.2793 0.05303 111 86 19 6
1626 I’d like to circle back on the idea that our corporate culture is “hollow.” 1.2791 0.05883 86 66 16 4
1627 I’m pleased to announce we’ve just signed our newest group: The Pumpkin Spice Girls 1.2791 0.06331 86 68 12 6
1628 The shareholders have finally approved a dental plan for the entire Board of Directors. 1.2787 0.06666 61 46 13 2
1629 This is the best part of my job. Deciding who's getting cut. 1.2785 0.05386 79 58 20 1
1630 We all know what happens after Halloween. 1.2785 0.05679 79 59 18 2
1631 Due to right-sizing, this year we only have one candle. 1.2785 0.05386 79 58 20 1
1632 So, Jackie will start next week. 1.2785 0.06224 79 61 14 4
1633 So... can we say it's unanimous for composting? 1.2785 0.06224 79 61 14 4
1634 I’m going to need everyone to work on their poker faces. 1.2785 0.05386 79 58 20 1
1635 I have an even better idea, pumpkin dressing! 1.2785 0.06480 79 62 12 5
1636 Gentlemen, every year at this time this company experiences a debilitating drop in headcount. I’m convening this task force to find out why. 1.2785 0.05958 79 60 16 3
1637 Cheer up! If we keep our heads we will do just fine. 1.2785 0.05958 79 60 16 3
1638 The good news is, we won’t make it past the new years to be responsible for Q4 earnings 1.2785 0.05958 79 60 16 3
1639 Well, we've gotten scooped again this year. 1.2784 0.05231 97 73 21 3
1640 surely we can carve out a more uplifting solution. 1.2784 0.05433 97 74 19 4
1641 I sense you're all upset with the new "No Candy Bowls in Meetings" policy. 1.2784 0.04803 97 71 25 1
1642 The legal department wants to stress, absolutely no headless horse riding this year. 1.2784 0.05997 97 77 13 7
1643 Jack. You’re fired. 1.2784 0.05231 97 73 21 3
1644 i guess you could say i’m a jack of all trades. 1.2784 0.05231 97 73 21 3
1645 Why did management have to hire someone with a gourd complex. 1.2784 0.05627 97 75 17 5
1646 Yes, the band WILL be called Smashing Pumpkins 1.2778 0.06126 90 71 13 6
1647 So, we all agree. Halloween is cruel and must be abolished. 1.2778 0.05918 90 70 15 5
1648 Anyone care to express their feelings about this last round of cuts? 1.2778 0.05672 72 53 18 1
1649 As many of you have guessed, we will begin downsizing on November 1st. 1.2778 0.06326 90 72 11 7
1650 Welcome to the Gourd of Directors. 1.2778 0.05703 90 69 17 4
1651 I know, I know, you're all wondering how I maintain my youthful appearance. 1.2778 0.06007 72 54 16 2
1652 Too bad Jack couldn't make it. 1.2778 0.05398 108 84 18 6
1653 For some, there’s a flicker of hope, but most of you will become pies 1.2778 0.06324 72 55 14 3
1654 Anyone see a need for more face-saving cuts ? 1.2778 0.06007 72 54 16 2
1655 Once again, we had a really good October 1.2778 0.05703 90 69 17 4
1656 I'm just a naturally smiley person! 1.2778 0.05004 90 66 23 1
1657 The threat of being wiped out by the end of the month is real! 1.2771 0.06255 83 65 13 5
1658 One positive note - our merger with coffee is on again 1.2771 0.06255 83 65 13 5
1659 Heads will roll, I’m afraid. Elon doesn’t like pumpkins. 1.2771 0.06015 83 64 15 4
1660 The Great Pumpkin has spoken, You’re all fired! 1.2771 0.05766 83 63 17 3
1661 No worries - they're just a rock band. 1.2769 0.07438 65 52 8 5
1662 Good news is pumpkin spice latte sales are at an all time high. Bad news is we need more pumpkins. 1.2768 0.05107 112 86 21 5
1663 The Chairmen of the Gourd informs his team that they are getting squashed. 1.2766 0.05327 94 71 20 3
1664 For starters , I’m your boss, not your friend, and you will show me the respect of addressing me as John or Mr. O’Lantern. 1.2766 0.05936 94 74 14 6
1665 I've got a proposal from this guy, Billy Corgan, for our new company jingle, wanna listen to it? 1.2766 0.05108 94 70 22 2
1666 I've got a great idea that'll really spice things up. 1.2763 0.06379 76 59 13 4
1667 Johnson, carve that frown off your face right now 1.2763 0.05493 76 56 19 1
1668 Sure seasonal profits are up, but let's not lose our heads! 1.2763 0.06098 76 58 15 3
1669 Hopefully the Bonuses will make you smile. 1.2763 0.06379 76 59 13 4
1670 All those who favor moving corporate headquarters to Sleepy Hollow, please raise your hand. 1.2763 0.05803 76 57 17 2
1671 Hard to believe, but our shareholders are accusing us of nepotism. 1.2763 0.05803 76 57 17 2
1672 Gentlemen, I don’t want to squash your enthusiasm, but it is apparent to me that you all have jack for brains. 1.2763 0.06379 76 59 13 4
1673 Welcome to the break-out session on diversity and inclusion. 1.2763 0.05493 76 56 19 1
1674 We may ripen quickly, but at least we won't have to worry about Long COVID. 1.2763 0.06098 76 58 15 3
1675 This is our season and I want us to really glow 1.2763 0.05803 76 57 17 2
1676 all signs indicate this holiday will be a smashing success! 1.2762 0.05661 105 83 15 7
1677 This week some of you will remain on board and others will be pie filling". 1.2759 0.05824 87 67 16 4
1678 I call this meeting of the New York Chapter of the Donald Trump "Look-a-Likes" to order 1.2759 0.06266 87 69 12 6
1679 I know it’s a lot to ask to work late on Halloween, but I’m sure each of you can carve out the time. 1.2755 0.05385 98 75 19 4
1680 Compliance wants us to diversify. 1.2754 0.06154 69 52 15 2
1681 Employee well-being has been on the rise all month and is projected to continue into November. 1.2754 0.06491 69 53 13 3
1682 Our stock is soaring this week, and I expect next week's earnings to be even better! 1.2754 0.06154 69 52 15 2
1683 I won best costume again this year. 1.2754 0.06811 69 54 11 4
1684 Let me start by saying, you all resemble our last President. 1.2752 0.05510 109 86 16 7
1685 This meeting is adjourned. Time to get lit! 1.2752 0.05354 109 85 18 6
1686 I’m concerned that we have an ingrained culture of negativity. 1.2750 0.06156 80 62 14 4
1687 And lastly, I'll turn it over to Ed who has some exciting news about the company dental plan. 1.2750 0.06156 80 62 14 4
1688 Ideas for Halloween? 1.2750 0.06156 80 62 14 4
1689 Pumpkin Heads Unite! 1.2750 0.06884 80 65 8 7
1690 We've got to diversify, so four of you will be turned into spice. 1.2750 0.05618 80 60 18 2
1691 we’re going to start carving from the top this year 1.2750 0.06408 80 63 12 5
1692 Anyone have any ideas for new seasonal pie? 1.2750 0.05893 80 61 16 3
1693 You’ve all made your wishes known to your family, right? 1.2750 0.06156 80 62 14 4
1694 So the vote is conclusive. No spice 1.2750 0.05618 80 60 18 2
1695 Due to spending restrictions, this year's bonus will be a trick. 1.2747 0.05428 91 69 19 3
1696 And now, Jack with the quarterly report. Jack? 1.2747 0.06066 91 72 13 6
1697 Don’t worry about it, guys. We can just lie and pretend that we won. 1.2747 0.05861 91 71 15 5
1698 Carving out the budget proposal is going to be tricky. 1.2747 0.05428 91 69 19 3
1699 Just a garden variety Board of Directors meeting. 1.2747 0.06066 91 72 13 6
1700 I have an announcement to make today and I can guarantee that heads will roll. 1.2747 0.05861 91 71 15 5
1701 You are all FIRED November1 1.2745 0.05054 102 77 22 3
1702 This is funny! Why don't any of you smile? 1.2742 0.06573 62 47 13 2
1703 And now for our latest TikTok challenge: Wear a scary human head. 1.2742 0.06157 62 46 15 1
1704 I know it's still October, but we are all being replaced by Christmas trees and Santas tomorrow. 1.2740 0.06546 73 57 12 4
1705 I'm happy to see that none of you got smashed last night. 1.2740 0.06248 73 56 14 3
1706 Does anyone know why we are accused of nepotism? 1.2740 0.05936 73 55 16 2
1707 I see some of you aren't happy about our latest incisions, but there are going to be more cuts. 1.2740 0.06248 73 56 14 3
1708 So... just how much is this new dental plan going to cost us? 1.2740 0.07103 73 59 8 6
1709 How about you, Jack? Can you shed any light on this? 1.2740 0.05606 73 54 18 1
1710 I said: “We lost the SEED money!” 1.2740 0.06248 73 56 14 3
1711 Who ordered the Pumpkin Latte? 1.2740 0.06546 73 57 12 4
1712 I'm really proud of our company's successful diversity program. 1.2740 0.06830 73 58 10 5
1713 Gentleman, jack o' lantern sales are down, however, pie sales are up. I need a volunteer. 1.2740 0.05606 73 54 18 1
1714 alrighty then: who wants to be the first orange skin foo to run for president? are you criminal enough; psychotically sociopathically narcissist enough? 1.2740 0.06546 73 57 12 4
1715 Gentlemen let me introduce myself, my name is Peter Peter 1.2740 0.06248 73 56 14 3
1716 Thank you all for carving out some time to meet today. 1.2738 0.05952 84 65 15 4
1717 It looks like we're going to have to make some adjustments in our diversity plan. 1.2738 0.05706 84 64 17 3
1718 We need to grow the pie! 1.2738 0.05952 84 65 15 4
1719 3. point. 14159265359 1.2738 0.06416 84 67 11 6
1720 I'm going to be a fun Jack-o'lantern, and you folks are all going to be pies. 1.2738 0.05952 84 65 15 4
1721 I am just thankful our ancestors did not carve Watermelons to ward off evil spirits for Halloween. 1.2738 0.06189 84 66 13 5
1722 I suggest we adjourn and get smashed 1.2738 0.06189 84 66 13 5
1723 With what I’m about to say, you might think I’m out of my gourd. 1.2738 0.05952 84 65 15 4
1724 We’re waiting for Icabod 1.2738 0.06189 84 66 13 5
1725 It’s the peak season as you all know so I want to see you burning the candle at both ends… 1.2738 0.05706 84 64 17 3
1726 New board members for Twitter 1.2737 0.05687 95 74 16 5
1727 Please give a warm welcome to our first Jill O' Lantern board member. 1.2737 0.05487 95 73 18 4
1728 Cheer up, guys. There will be no more cuts this quarter.” 1.2737 0.05062 95 71 22 2
1729 I meant the other Jack” 1.2737 0.05279 95 72 20 3
1730 You will admit, I have come a long way from my days in the pumpkin patch. 1.2737 0.05687 95 74 16 5
1731 Seeing your little faces light up each day is what keeps me in the Jack-o'-lantern business. 1.2736 0.05283 106 82 19 5
1732 And that is my 42.7 step plan for keeping Christmas out of stores until November 1st. 1.2727 0.05535 88 67 18 3
1733 And here's why our merger with Ginsu knives is a win-win... 1.2727 0.06029 77 59 15 3
1734 It's that time of year again, Jack. 1.2727 0.06671 66 51 12 3
1735 What was in the latte? 1.2727 0.05739 77 58 17 2
1736 ROLL CALL: Jumping Jack Flash Jack be Nimble Jack Daniels Jacqueline Jack-O’-Lantern Jack Frost Jack N. Jack in the Beanstalk Jack Rabbit Jack The Ripper Jill Now who’s having the in office romance? You know that’s not allowed. 1.2727 0.06306 77 60 13 4
1737 Big office party this weekend ; cause we all know some of us won't be back on Monday. 1.2727 0.05766 88 68 16 4
1738 Any ideas on how we become more than a two week business? 1.2727 0.07337 66 53 8 5
1739 I want you all to think outside the squash. 1.2727 0.05931 66 49 16 1
1740 Do you see his facelift? It looks so obvious. 1.2727 0.05739 77 58 17 2
1741 It'll be smashing.... 1.2727 0.05535 88 67 18 3
1742 Now that we've taken back the House... 1.2727 0.06029 77 59 15 3
1743 O'Lantern. It's Irish. 1.2727 0.06306 77 60 13 4
1744 This company feels just like family. 1.2727 0.06572 77 61 11 5
1745 So we are agreed that the headless horseman will be the company's new logo. 1.2727 0.05988 88 69 14 5
1746 Due to your poor performance this quarter,you are all being reassigned to Thanksgiving. Please see the Baking department for your new roles. 1.2727 0.06572 77 61 11 5
1747 The investors are scared. 1.2727 0.05140 99 75 21 3
1748 winter is coming 1.2727 0.05766 88 68 16 4
1749 Welcome to the Diversity Board. I’m happy to finally see some new faces here on Wall Street! 1.2727 0.06572 77 61 11 5
1750 Appreciate ya making today’s gourd meeting, fellas. 1.2727 0.06410 88 71 10 7
1751 Ever get one of those days when it feels like your brain has gone to mush? 1.2718 0.05198 103 79 20 4
1752 It’s nearly the end of October. What are your plans for keeping yourself intact from now through November? 1.2717 0.05377 92 70 19 3
1753 Okay, let's see those pie charts. 1.2717 0.06007 92 73 13 6
1754 ever since he lit the tealight in his head, he now thinks he is full of bright ideas. 1.2717 0.05595 92 71 17 4
1755 Butternut squash spiced lattes rolls right off the tongue. 1.2717 0.06202 92 74 11 7
1756 Great news. The Spice Girls are interested in our proposal. 1.2716 0.06337 81 64 12 5
1757 I expect to see revenue growth, followed by softening, and eventual rotting. 1.2716 0.05559 81 61 18 2
1758 Our latest campaign has been a smashing success! Let me rephrase that. 1.2716 0.05830 81 62 16 3
1759 Our initial public offering will be a smash 1.2716 0.05830 81 62 16 3
1760 Jill O’ Lantern is joining us! 1.2716 0.06089 81 63 14 4
1761 Diversity problem #1: everyone's named Jack. 1.2716 0.06089 81 63 14 4
1762 Yes, they’re cute, but squirrels are definitely a health hazard. 1.2716 0.05830 81 62 16 3
1763 This year’s bonus will be in Candy Corn. 1.2716 0.06089 81 63 14 4
1764 "Most new recruits don't make it past the end of the month." 1.2714 0.05354 70 51 19 0
1765 That is my plan to SQUASH the competition 1.2714 0.06410 70 54 13 3
1766 To improve our ESG rankings we're reducing our carbon footprint by switching all facial lighting from candles to LEDs. 1.2714 0.06078 70 53 15 2
1767 What we need is a little spice around here. 1.2714 0.06078 70 53 15 2
1768 Jack #3, you know the dress code calls for a head stem! 1.2714 0.06725 70 55 11 4
1769 Don’t forget to dress like turkeys in November. 1.2714 0.07026 70 56 9 5
1770 I am stepping down as CEO and my cousin George Carrot Head will takeover. You will see a slight change to the shape of our company logo. 1.2714 0.06078 70 53 15 2
1771 The word in the patches is we’re out of touch. 1.2714 0.06078 70 53 15 2
1772 Our spice latte was just a start. I'm thinking reinventing beer. 1.2713 0.04891 129 101 21 7
1773 Won’t the real Donald Trump please stand up… 1.2712 0.07580 59 47 8 4
1774 We've received a threatening note from PeterPeter again. 1.2710 0.05722 107 86 13 8
1775 You're all going to be fired on the 31st. 1.2708 0.05437 96 74 18 4
1776 Did you all remember to bring your Halloween disguises? There's going to be a lot of mayhem out there tonight. 1.2708 0.05826 96 76 14 6
1777 We only have a few days before…well you know! 1.2706 0.05648 85 65 17 3
1778 Who's ready for a corporate carve-out? 1.2706 0.05891 85 66 15 4
1779 Spiced Latte anyone? 1.2706 0.06124 85 67 13 5
1780 You all are getting soft in the head 1.2706 0.05648 85 65 17 3
1781 The rumor that heads will roll is greatly exaggerated. 1.2706 0.05394 85 64 19 2
1782 I’m afraid the numbers weren’t good for last quarter and we’re going to have to make a few more cuts. 1.2706 0.05394 85 64 19 2
1783 Excuse me, Johnson, but I think your cap is outside in. 1.2706 0.06124 85 67 13 5
1784 Due to downsizing, I’m retiring. Billy Corgan will be the new CEO. 1.2703 0.06467 74 58 12 4
1785 I think you'll find the cuts to our dental plan will put a smile on your face. 1.2703 0.06174 74 57 14 3
1786 We need a plan to prevent our competition from squashing us. 1.2703 0.06174 74 57 14 3
1787 We’re removing all the seeds this year 1.2703 0.06174 74 57 14 3
1788 Yes Gourd? 1.2703 0.06174 74 57 14 3
1789 So we all agree? Candy corn does indeed SUCK. 1.2703 0.06174 74 57 14 3
1790 I am afraid I have to do some downsizing. On the bright side, those downsized, will be part of Thanksgiving dinner. 1.2700 0.05291 100 77 19 4
1791 Do I intimidate you or were your faces just carved that way? 1.2700 0.05096 100 76 21 3
1792 The motion is carried by 10 to 1 in favor of the stems. 1.2698 0.07229 63 50 9 4
1793 Gentlemen, I have some bad news about the December layoffs. 1.2697 0.05243 89 67 20 2
1794 For the record, our GMO pumpkin products have been proven to have absolutely no side effects. 1.2697 0.05929 89 70 14 5
1795 How’s the campaign going to push sweet potato pie this year? 1.2697 0.05709 89 69 16 4
1796 I carved them all myself 1.2692 0.05962 78 60 15 3
1797 To bolster pie shortages created by supply chain issues I'll need all of you to participate. 1.2692 0.05374 78 58 19 1
1798 I know we are all feeling a little empty headed after last nights festivities but the meeting must go on! 1.2692 0.05962 78 60 15 3
1799 Welcome to the annual gourd meeting. 1.2692 0.05962 78 60 15 3
1800 So, Best Holiday Ever--wouldn't you agree? 1.2692 0.05962 78 60 15 3
1801 Please, Gentlemen. My text concerning 'smashing news' simply meant that sales doubled this quarter. 1.2692 0.06235 78 61 13 4
1802 So team, big night tonight. We’ll all be burning the candle at both ends. 1.2692 0.06748 78 63 9 6
1803 Wipe that smirk off your gourd! 1.2692 0.06235 78 61 13 4
1804 I just wanted to give everyone a head’s up… 1.2692 0.06496 78 62 11 5
1805 Let’s discuss all the ways we can squash the competition. 1.2692 0.05374 78 58 19 1
1806 The competition doesn't hold a candle next to us. 1.2688 0.05749 93 73 15 5
1807 All those in favor, say "Boo!" 1.2688 0.05103 93 70 21 2
1808 The bad news: no clear winner for the Hallowe’en costume contest. The good news: great minds think alike. 1.2688 0.05542 93 72 17 4
1809 Deflation is the real enemy. 1.2688 0.05327 93 71 19 3
1810 This meeting feels hollow 1.2687 0.06583 67 52 12 3
1811 How about, Chairman of the Gourd? 1.2687 0.06230 67 51 14 2
1812 It's come to my attention that we're all brainless fruits. 1.2687 0.06918 67 53 10 4
1813 I am happy to say that one of us will not be made into a pie. 1.2687 0.06583 67 52 12 3
1814 Okay, so all in favor of 'Pumpkin Spice Veal Scallopini,' say aye. 1.2685 0.05028 108 83 21 4
1815 I’m guessing that my incentive package proposal is not acceptable…. 1.2685 0.05361 108 85 17 6
1816 You'll be seeing some new faces around here soon. 1.2683 0.05220 82 61 20 1
1817 I think we need to squash the takeover bid! 1.2683 0.05220 82 61 20 1
1818 We need to hire a zucchini so people think our DEI efforts are real 1.2683 0.05768 82 63 16 3
1819 Time to spice up these meetings! 1.2683 0.06268 82 65 12 5
1820 At this time of year, we like fire everyone. 1.2683 0.06504 82 66 10 6
1821 Let’s just get smashed 1.2683 0.06023 82 64 14 4
1822 We’ve all had work done, and I get it, but I’d like to start this meeting off with ‘you are beautiful’ 1.2683 0.04923 82 60 22 0
1823 We’re agreed, then: yes on trick, no on treat. 1.2680 0.05584 97 76 16 5
1824 Let’s experiment who will sink or float 1.2680 0.05388 97 75 18 4
1825 Let's carve out some ideas that will make us all smile. 1.2679 0.05379 112 89 16 7
1826 All in favor of including stem extensions and augmentations in our company health plan, say aye. 1.2677 0.04534 127 97 26 4
1827 We need to carve out a niche. 1.2676 0.06330 71 55 13 3
1828 All in favor say pie. 1.2676 0.06330 71 55 13 3
1829 Competition. Squash 'em! 1.2676 0.06330 71 55 13 3
1830 I know it's been a rough patch lately, but let's not lose our heads. 1.2676 0.06640 71 56 11 4
1831 I'm sorry but diversity is the name of the game. Jack, you are going to be replaced by Mr. Potato Head. 1.2676 0.06004 71 54 15 2
1832 Our successful carve-out means some of you will be assigned to window displays. 1.2676 0.06937 71 57 9 5
1833 Team… Our annual numbers are far from frightful. I expect better from you 1.2676 0.06004 71 54 15 2
1834 The only way to solve this problem is by putting our heads together. 1.2676 0.05659 71 53 17 1
1835 Jack? What say you? 1.2676 0.06937 71 57 9 5
1836 We need to discuss diversity. 1.2674 0.06060 86 68 13 5
1837 While we have the fall market cornered, any ideas concerning a summer business idea? 1.2674 0.05830 86 67 15 4
1838 I'd like to introduce our guest speaker, Billy Corgan. 1.2674 0.06060 86 68 13 5
1839 Human Resources says it's time to add a pumpkiness to the Board. 1.2674 0.05591 86 66 17 3
1840 If our numbers don't improve, I can assure you, heads will roll. 1.2674 0.05341 86 65 19 2
1841 The good news is that those plastic poseurs can never carve out a slice of the pie and muffin market! 1.2674 0.05830 86 67 15 4
1842 And if you miss the goal, my solution is as easy as pie. 1.2674 0.05830 86 67 15 4
1843 Gentlemen, I think it’s time we add a Jill O’lantern to this board. 1.2674 0.06496 86 70 9 7
1844 And that's why I insist on being called "The Great Pumpkin." 1.2674 0.05830 86 67 15 4
1845 This character-building exercise has really changed our outlook! 1.2673 0.05430 101 79 17 5
1846 Now that we’ve all got clear minds, it’s time to get to work. 1.2673 0.04852 101 76 23 2
1847 Can’t fool me Jenkins, I see you sleeping! 1.2667 0.05870 90 71 14 5
1848 Marketing reports that customers actually prefer regular lattes. 1.2667 0.06391 75 59 12 4
1849 Any more bright ideas? 1.2667 0.06102 75 58 14 3
1850 Our latest acquisition is a pie company. 1.2667 0.06391 75 59 12 4
1851 Nobody suspects he is one of us. 1.2667 0.05653 90 70 16 4
1852 Looks like your apple pie for Thanksgiving campaign is not working. 1.2667 0.05799 75 57 16 2
1853 I propose that we squash our competition 1.2667 0.06102 75 58 14 3
1854 OK, that’s the bad news - the good news is that pumpkin pie sales are through the roof! 1.2667 0.06391 75 59 12 4
1855 Guys, I've said it before and I'll say it again: a diversity program doesn't work overnight... 1.2667 0.05870 90 71 14 5
1856 Can anyone on the Finance committee smile? 1.2667 0.05799 75 57 16 2
1857 We've been bought out by someone named Peter Peter. 1.2667 0.05653 90 70 16 4
1858 And next year, we’ve decided to focus our entire marketing budget on Easter. Any objections? 1.2667 0.05870 90 71 14 5
1859 Now about that carve out we were discussing . . . 1.2667 0.04947 90 67 22 1
1860 Ok I think it's time for us to settle on an official face for our brand 1.2667 0.06102 75 58 14 3
1861 We’re going to spice things up. 1.2661 0.05155 109 85 19 5
1862 Jack didn't have the guts to say this, but there will be layoffs this year. 1.2660 0.05056 94 71 21 2
1863 I want to see a real effort to turn those frowns upside down. 1.2660 0.05892 94 75 13 6
1864 While we are clearly a bright team, we’ve been acting without guts for a long time. 1.2660 0.05695 94 74 15 5
1865 They say we need more diversity in the workplace 1.2660 0.05056 94 71 21 2
1866 We have been criticized for our lack of diversity so does anyone know an elf? 1.2658 0.06423 79 63 11 5
1867 Enlighten me 1.2658 0.06165 79 62 13 4
1868 Further carving is needed to hit our quarterly projections. 1.2658 0.05614 79 60 17 2
1869 Whose for dessert? 1.2658 0.06165 79 62 13 4
1870 You may have noticed a 12-year-old with a baseball bat walking around the office. Don’t worry, he’s just here to see if we can do things a little more efficiently. 1.2658 0.05614 79 60 17 2
1871 And finally, who will be going to Sleepy Hollow this year? 1.2658 0.05614 79 60 17 2
1872 If this stupid, hollow meeting proved only one thing it's that our ideas are lame and our heads are as empty and carved out as pumpkins. 1.2658 0.06165 79 62 13 4
1873 I think it will spook our investors 1.2658 0.05317 79 59 19 1
1874 In a moment you will know why you all have frowns carved into your faces. 1.2658 0.05896 79 61 15 3
1875 We all know fourth quarter burnout is real. This organization is rotting from the inside out. 1.2658 0.06165 79 62 13 4
1876 What about Christmas? 1.2656 0.06394 64 49 13 2
1877 Good news, pie biz booming! Bad news, I need four volunteers! 1.2656 0.05994 64 48 15 1
1878 Let’s settle down. We all knew not everyone would make it to next year. 1.2656 0.07128 64 51 9 4
1879 I look forward to seeing each and every one of you working closely with our new brand ambassadors, The Smashing Pumpkins. 1.2656 0.05994 64 48 15 1
1880 I’ve carved out a 1-year plan to squash our deficit-we will need all gourd members approval on this. 1.2656 0.06394 64 49 13 2
1881 Since "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown" won't be aired on tv this year, I suggest we cancel Halloween. 1.2653 0.05533 98 77 16 5
1882 Given that we have been asked to be more inclusive, a carrot will be joining our team next week. 1.2653 0.04930 98 74 22 2
1883 We lost the spice contract. 1.2653 0.04930 98 74 22 2
1884 I’m sorry but I’m making you work on Halloween 1.2653 0.05340 98 76 18 4
1885 11 angry pumpkins 1.2653 0.05720 98 78 14 6
1886 Boss, wearing these for Halloween is one thing, wearing these all of October is too much! 1.2651 0.06201 83 66 12 5
1887 I assume everyone saw Frank's pie chart? 1.2651 0.05959 83 65 14 4
1888 Ok, who's wearing pumpkin spice? 1.2651 0.05959 83 65 14 4
1889 We’re going to have to make some more cuts until we turn those frowns into grins. 1.2651 0.05707 83 64 16 3
1890 I want everybody's candle burning on this, I want to SQUASH the competition. 1.2651 0.05707 83 64 16 3
1891 In a room full of Jacks, be a Jill. 1.2651 0.06433 83 67 10 6
1892 Okay team, let’s carve those frowns upside down! 1.2651 0.05707 83 64 16 3
1893 Gentleman, if we don’t reach our quota by Halloween, heads will roll. 1.2651 0.05707 83 64 16 3
1894 They're calling us the biggest bunch of gutless, empty-headed aesthetic hires since the Kardashians. I'd say that's *something* to be proud of! 1.2651 0.05959 83 65 14 4
1895 Let´s just say the spiced lattes will have a more human touch this time. 1.2647 0.05899 102 83 11 8
1896 Apparently I am the only one who got a treat last night. 1.2647 0.06151 68 52 14 2
1897 Let’s not lose our heads over this decision, gentlemen. 1.2647 0.05390 68 50 18 0
1898 So for the 10th straight year, your only ideas for our secretary Christmas gifts are…pies. 1.2647 0.06151 68 52 14 2
1899 It's good to be Pumpking. 1.2647 0.06151 68 52 14 2
1900 I think we can all agree a Jill-O-Lantern’s place is in the home. 1.2647 0.05783 68 51 16 1
1901 Rest assured, there's absolutely no truth to the rumor that your promotions were based on appearance. 1.2644 0.05998 87 69 13 5
1902 Wait until you see what I have planned for the November meeting. 1.2644 0.06217 87 70 11 6
1903 The Ichabod Crane Society will now come to order. 1.2644 0.05288 87 66 19 2
1904 First the bad news. We’ve been bought out by a pie company. The good news is, I’m retiring! 1.2644 0.05288 87 66 19 2
1905 Is this the best you could do for an anonymous vote? 1.2644 0.05535 87 67 17 3
1906 Those in favor of renaming Halloween as King Pumpkin Day, say I 1.2644 0.05771 87 68 15 4
1907 Finally, I need to see each of you eat a lit candle. 1.2644 0.05535 87 67 17 3
1908 Hallowed be our meme. 1.2644 0.05535 87 67 17 3
1909 oh c'mon. carve your enthusiasm! 1.2644 0.05998 87 69 13 5
1910 So, due to temporary supple-side shortages, we're asking for volunteers. 1.2642 0.05069 106 82 20 4
1911 I’m not seeing a lot of happy faces around the table. I can fix that with just a few cuts.” 1.2642 0.05069 106 82 20 4
1912 It's our peak season. Put on your happy face. 1.2639 0.05932 72 55 15 2
1913 Any ideas for November? 1.2639 0.05932 72 55 15 2
1914 We're giving out toothbrushes this year. 1.2639 0.06850 72 58 9 5
1915 Just because I've had my head cut open and the insides scooped out doesn't mean I can't be in charge! 1.2639 0.05932 72 55 15 2
1916 These staff cuts do not make me happy, it’s how my mouth was carved. 1.2639 0.06253 72 56 13 3
1917 Now that the bird is freed, Jack is back! 1.2639 0.05932 72 55 15 2
1918 We’re lit 🔥 1.2639 0.05932 72 55 15 2
1919 After much consideration, we have decided not to sign the Smashing Pumpkins to our record label 1.2639 0.05932 72 55 15 2
1920 To start I'm ordering 11 pumpkin spice lattes 1.2637 0.05376 91 70 18 3
1921 The issue on the table is diversity. Let’s put our heads together, shall we 1.2637 0.05376 91 70 18 3
1922 Remember, if it wasn't for us there would be mo pumpkin pie. 1.2637 0.05599 91 71 16 4
1923 Who votes for the same spice mix this year? 1.2637 0.05599 91 71 16 4
1924 Next on the agenda, we need to discuss the apple pies in the company breakroom. 1.2637 0.05376 91 70 18 3
1925 Mr. O'Lantern, let's start with you. 1.2637 0.05599 91 71 16 4
1926 Hey, Jacks! Let's turn those frowns upside down! 1.2637 0.05376 91 70 18 3
1927 I don't mean to squash your ideas but I promise I will carve out a new plan. 1.2637 0.04901 91 68 22 1
1928 And there’s more good news! The roasted turkey helmets I ordered will be ready in time for our November meeting! 1.2637 0.05813 91 72 14 5
1929 Now that our work in the gourdroom has concluded, let's get smashed! 1.2632 0.05641 95 75 15 5
1930 Who ordered the pumpkin spice latte? 1.2632 0.06588 76 61 10 5
1931 I think we should lay low for Halloween. 1.2632 0.06032 76 59 14 3
1932 I appreciate you all staying late last night. 1.2632 0.06032 76 59 14 3
1933 On November 1st, heads are gonna roll. 1.2632 0.05884 57 42 15 0
1934 Either the Bottom Line improves, or heads will smash! 1.2632 0.05229 95 73 19 3
1935 Good job folks! This year is in the can! 1.2632 0.05733 76 58 16 2
1936 I propose we all wear our pumpkins past the 31-st. 1.2632 0.06588 76 61 10 5
1937 Hobgoblin's Anonymous 1.2632 0.06316 76 60 12 4
1938 Pumpkins? For Fall? Groundbreaking. 1.2632 0.06316 76 60 12 4
1939 Time to carve out the next chapter of our company. 1.2632 0.06316 76 60 12 4
1940 'Dress for the job you want' 1.2632 0.05733 76 58 16 2
1941 I assure you, this is just a rough patch. 1.2632 0.05439 95 74 17 4
1942 We’ve gathered here today to discuss that which threatens us all: the encroachment of Christmas commercials into October. 1.2632 0.06025 95 77 11 7
1943 We need to make some changes to meet this year's diversity goals 1.2626 0.05668 99 79 14 6
1944 You all knew when I hired you that the day would come when I’d replace your brain with a candle! 1.2625 0.05831 80 62 15 3
1945 We only have one night, gentlemen. let’s make it good! 1.2625 0.05260 80 60 19 1
1946 Alright, Gentleman, now that I've spilled my guts, what do you think? 1.2625 0.06350 80 64 11 5
1947 I promise you, if we can make it through this patch, we'll all get a head! 1.2625 0.05553 80 61 17 2
1948 This economy is really carving us up. 1.2625 0.05831 80 62 15 3
1949 Don't think of a month-long Halloween season as a threat to your vitality, think of it as more jobs for pumpkins everywhere. 1.2625 0.05553 80 61 17 2
1950 According to the pie chart, I need to let two-to-three of you go. 1.2625 0.05553 80 61 17 2
1951 Nice to see some new faces around here 1.2625 0.06096 80 63 13 4
1952 We're loosing market to Chinese lights. It's time we focus on Pie Industry 1.2625 0.05553 80 61 17 2
1953 Last quarter we smashed the competi—sorry, poor choice of words. 1.2623 0.06571 61 47 12 2
1954 And that is why I am called the Great Pumpkin!" 1.2623 0.05679 61 45 16 0
1955 Listen up,we're cancelling Halloween this year. It's gonna save us a bundle! 1.2619 0.05648 84 65 16 3
1956 Let's talk rationally before we all get hot-headed. 1.2619 0.05896 84 66 14 4
1957 Now, I believe we should spice things up. 1.2619 0.05896 84 66 14 4
1958 So once the ‘Of All Trades’ are on board, all you ‘o’ Lanterns’ will be let go.“ 1.2619 0.05896 84 66 14 4
1959 Wilkins, thank you for pointing out that 90% of CEOs have eye triangles pointing down. We can discuss this further at your performance review. 1.2619 0.05648 84 65 16 3
1960 As long as you don’t fall asleep at your desks, you shouldn’t have to worry about the squirrels I’ve let loose in the office. 1.2619 0.06135 84 67 12 5
1961 Think! Show me you're not vegetables. 1.2619 0.05648 84 65 16 3
1962 C’mon Jack, we’re looking for ideas that are a little less hollow. 1.2619 0.05896 84 66 14 4
1963 Perhaps “getting ahead” was a poor choice of words… 1.2619 0.05648 84 65 16 3
1964 Well, John Boy, if you didn't want this many heirs competing for your parents' estate, you shouldn't have kept begging them to pump kin into the world for you to play with. 1.2615 0.06308 65 50 13 2
1965 We have successfully spooked our investors this quarter. 1.2615 0.05915 65 49 15 1
1966 Either we wear name tags or hire a new carver. 1.2615 0.05915 65 49 15 1
1967 Ethics aside fall profits are promising. 1.2615 0.05915 65 49 15 1
1968 the addition of pumpkins to the food pyramid is not good news! 1.2614 0.05480 88 68 17 3
1969 Time of the year or corporate environment, I just feel empty. 1.2614 0.06153 88 71 11 6
1970 Flameless candle sales are down this year” 1.2614 0.05236 88 67 19 2
1971 I’m Peter Peter, the new CEO. 1.2609 0.06414 69 54 12 3
1972 How can all our names be Jack? 1.2609 0.05756 92 73 14 5
1973 Gentlemen, please. The cuts may seem extreme, but I expect to see smiles on those faces. 1.2609 0.05325 92 71 18 3
1974 Your Halloween idea was brilliant, Mr. Chairman - but we have some concerns with the Thanksgiving 'stuffing' plans. 1.2609 0.06073 69 53 14 2
1975 I am happy to announce that we've just merged with Knife & Candle, Inc.! 1.2609 0.05711 69 52 16 1
1976 Now, if we can just keep our heads on the ball, I think we can smash our competition next month. 1.2609 0.06414 69 54 12 3
1977 Further cuts are coming. 1.2609 0.05960 92 74 12 6
1978 The good news is, the latest data shows our market share is on the rise. The bad news is, many of us are still being eaten by squirrels. 1.2609 0.06738 69 55 10 4
1979 So, diversity means other squash varieties? 1.2609 0.06414 69 54 12 3
1980 Welcome to the October Gourd meeting. 1.2604 0.04966 96 73 21 2
1981 Does anyone else have second thoughts about the new dress code? 1.2604 0.04966 96 73 21 2
1982 Effective November 1, O'Lantern Industries will be known as The Pie Guys. 1.2603 0.05861 73 56 15 2
1983 Let’s everyone lighten up. 1.2603 0.05861 73 56 15 2
1984 We are working on carving out a new corporate culture. 1.2603 0.05861 73 56 15 2
1985 October results were downright spooky. 1.2603 0.05861 73 56 15 2
1986 Why do I seem to be the only one who enjoys these meetings? 1.2603 0.07041 73 60 7 6
1987 Remind me,which one of you is Jack O’Lantern? 1.2603 0.06177 73 57 13 3
1988 For the record, I think you've all gone soft in the head. 1.2603 0.06177 73 57 13 3
1989 So, who did the face carving this time? 1.2603 0.06177 73 57 13 3
1990 I’m sorry to report that yes- pumpkin spice is real and yes- we should all be very concerned 1.2603 0.06177 73 57 13 3
1991 I said I had dibs on being Trump this year 1.2603 0.06478 73 58 11 4
1992 Sure, we have another vacancy. But investors loved the pie chart. 1.2600 0.05049 100 77 20 3
1993 As long as I still own at least 51% of the company, we'll keep these on until halloween is over. 1.2600 0.05617 100 80 14 6
1994 CEOs - Carved Executive Officers in training. 1.2600 0.05435 100 79 16 5
1995 Final point of business. After much negotiation, our dental plan has be approved! 1.2600 0.05245 100 78 18 4
1996 Stay away from Starbucks guys or you’ll end up in a latte. 1.2597 0.05669 77 59 16 2
1997 Let's go around the room and introduce ourselves. I'm seeing a bunch of new faces in the room this year. 1.2597 0.05669 77 59 16 2
1998 Well, let's look at the good side: there will be more candy than you can possibly eat. 1.2597 0.05963 77 60 14 3
1999 If sales don't pick up, heads are gonna roll! 1.2597 0.05359 77 58 18 1
2000 As our last order of business, I am pleased to announce that Peter,Peter has been terminated. 1.2597 0.06243 77 61 12 4
2001 For our annual Halloween luncheon, we've decided to serve low-level employee pumpkin pie. 1.2597 0.06243 77 61 12 4
2002 To be honest our November sales projections are looking pretty rotten. 1.2597 0.05963 77 60 14 3
2003 OK, so we have a tight deadline to meet before our heads all turn to mush. 1.2596 0.05112 104 81 19 4
2004 All those for my proposal, say “aye”. All against, say “pie”. 1.2593 0.05768 81 63 15 3
2005 Gentleman, I reject the Nepotism charges, I say we are all carved from the same cloth! 1.2593 0.06029 81 64 13 4
2006 Perhaps we should have a keynote by Charlie Brown. 1.2593 0.06280 81 65 11 5
2007 Maybe the problem is you're in the wrong field." 1.2593 0.06029 81 64 13 4
2008 Ask them how they would feel if you cut out their eyes,, gave them a little triangle instead of a nose and chopped into their mouths to make them look happy 1.2593 0.06029 81 64 13 4
2009 We are projecting a downturn in sales after October 31. 1.2593 0.05493 81 62 17 2
2010 How about w pumpkin spice break? 1.2593 0.06029 81 64 13 4
2011 Let’s put our heads together, very gently. 1.2593 0.05205 81 61 19 1
2012 None of you can hold a candle compared to me." 1.2593 0.05493 81 62 17 2
2013 Everyone will get to share their ideas, one seed at a time. 1.2593 0.05493 81 62 17 2
2014 Let's get the vote taken before we rot. 1.2593 0.06754 81 67 7 7
2015 I want to leverage your synergies 1.2593 0.06280 81 65 11 5
2016 …and good to see you Jack, and Jack, thank you for coming, and Jack, hope you’re feeling better…and Jack and Jack from accounting, welcome… and Jack from advertising, how’s your first week been?…And Jack, looking good… 1.2593 0.05768 81 63 15 3
2017 Welcome to the meeting of Dwight shrutes 1.2593 0.05493 81 62 17 2
2018 This fall’s team retreat will conclude with a trip to a pie making class. I don’t know what we are making yet but I heard it will blow our minds. 1.2593 0.06521 81 66 9 6
2019 Apparently none of you got the “smile” memo . . . 1.2588 0.05333 85 65 18 2
2020 Remember your costumes! 1.2588 0.06070 85 68 12 5
2021 Please welcome our motivational speaker, Peter Pumpkin Eater. 1.2588 0.05835 85 67 14 4
2022 At our next Gourd Meeting, I will discuss how we will squash the competition. 1.2588 0.05333 85 65 18 2
2023 We push-back against October Christmas decoration sales by selling Halloween Tree Ornaments. 1.2588 0.05835 85 67 14 4
2024 I've carved out a face, er, PLACE, for each of you. 1.2588 0.05835 85 67 14 4
2025 It’s about time we moved away from that Trick or Treat slogan 1.2588 0.05835 85 67 14 4
2026 Looks like you all figured out how I'm carving up the profits this year. 1.2588 0.05333 85 65 18 2
2027 The Squash Court has ordered us to diversify. 1.2588 0.05589 85 66 16 3
2028 Who’s ready to spice things up around here?! 1.2588 0.05835 85 67 14 4
2029 Some might even say I’m a Jack-o-lantern of all trades 1.2588 0.06070 85 68 12 5
2030 This could have been an email. 1.2586 0.07993 58 48 5 5
2031 Bob, that proposal to make lemon meringue the official pie of Thanksgiving didn't save us last year either. 1.2584 0.05426 89 69 17 3
2032 During these heated discussions, it's all too easy to forget the many ways in which we're alike. 1.2584 0.04933 89 67 21 1
2033 We're meeting today to be ahead of the carve 1.2584 0.05426 89 69 17 3
2034 Don’t lose your heads but as of now, the Sleepy Hollow Project has been cancelled and you’ve all been made redundant. 1.2584 0.05656 89 70 15 4
2035 How about we order some pumpkin spice lattes? 1.2584 0.05426 89 69 17 3
2036 What happened to our seed money? 1.2584 0.05656 89 70 15 4
2037 I thought you'd be thrilled to know that I'm getting a bonus! 1.2581 0.06056 62 47 14 1
2038 Lesson learned: if you're going to date a witch who commonly turns people's heads into pumpkins out of spite, don't invite ten of your business associates over to her house to carve their initials into her disabled son's chest. 1.2581 0.06874 62 49 10 3
2039 We've got pumpkin spice in every conceivable food option; the next frontier is body lotion and shampoo! 1.2581 0.05902 93 75 12 6
2040 I’m beginning to think this board needs a bit more diversity. 1.2581 0.07249 62 50 8 4
2041 Okay, then, no more pumpkin pie jokes." 1.2581 0.05603 62 46 16 0
2042 Here's news to one or two of you. Our Diversity Officer says we have to get some Butter Nut Squash on the Board. 1.2581 0.06478 62 48 12 2
2043 YOU'RE ALL JUST A BUNCH OF TALKING HEADS 1.2581 0.05603 62 46 16 0
2044 It's just for one day. 1.2581 0.06056 62 47 14 1
2045 1) OK,take off the masks,it's now November 1. 1.2581 0.05048 93 71 20 2
2046 The meeting to pump up this year's morale fell on deaf ears, mostly because they didn't carved any. 1.2581 0.05275 93 72 18 3
2047 Orange you glad you work here? 1.2581 0.06478 62 48 12 2
2048 The market’s been frightful. 1.2577 0.05135 97 75 19 3
2049 Good Morning, Jack, Jackie, Jack-of-all Trades. Good to see you Jack Man, Jacko, Jack-in-a-Million.... 1.2577 0.05913 97 79 11 7
2050 Okay, now where are all the usual devils? We can't make quorum without them. 1.2577 0.05135 97 75 19 3
2051 As a result of Mr Musk’s successful takeover bid, I’m sorry to advise you have all been demoted to lantern duty. 1.2577 0.05135 97 75 19 3
2052 We will be implementing company-wide cuts this halloween 1.2577 0.05728 97 78 13 6
2053 I called this gourd meeting to squash the seeds of discontent. 1.2576 0.06588 66 52 11 3
2054 With one yea and 10 nays, the motion fails. 1.2576 0.05838 66 50 15 1
2055 I'm afraid my marketing strategy of us all using our botox product has backfired somewhat 1.2576 0.06588 66 52 11 3
2056 So, what can I do to change those frowns into smiles? 1.2576 0.06588 66 52 11 3
2057 The market doesn't trust us because we're seedy. 1.2576 0.05838 66 50 15 1
2058 Let's turn those frowns upside down...Linda? Scalpel?" 1.2576 0.06588 66 52 11 3
2059 We have to get right to work before our heads start to rot. 1.2576 0.05838 66 50 15 1
2060 How about a round of pumpkin spice latte's? 1.2576 0.06933 66 53 9 4
2061 Next on the agenda, how do we expand Pumpkin Spice into Easter? 1.2574 0.05200 101 79 18 4
2062 The pie chart doesn't lie, we pumpkins are getting decimated out there. 1.2574 0.05200 101 79 18 4
2063 Projections show we’re going to get smashed 1.2574 0.05387 101 80 16 5
2064 The way I see it, we have about two weeks before things falls apart. 1.2571 0.06333 70 55 12 3
2065 I've been told we have to diversify. 1.2571 0.05997 70 54 14 2
2066 I understand your concerns about retention, but ultimately spooking from home is unsustainable. 1.2571 0.05997 70 54 14 2
2067 This year’s halloween bash will feature Smashing Pumkins 1.2571 0.05997 70 54 14 2
2068 And on the 31st, all employees will participate in a candlelight vigil. 1.2571 0.06333 70 55 12 3
2069 I hope you'll all join me in getting smashed after this gourd meeting. 1.2571 0.06652 70 56 10 4
2070 It’s time we take the problem of worker burnout more seriously. 1.2571 0.04885 105 81 21 3
2071 Thanks for coming guys, I see your all in a good mood today. 1.2571 0.06956 70 57 8 5
2072 The press is complaining about too much nepotism here. 1.2571 0.05262 70 52 18 0
2073 Don't look so downhearted, our time to shine is coming soon. 1.2571 0.05641 70 53 16 1
2074 The good news is that after Halloween you can take off your masks 1.2571 0.05641 70 53 16 1
2075 I'm letting you all go at the end of the month 1.2571 0.05997 70 54 14 2
2076 It’s the big Halloween party tonight as you all know, but let’s not lose our heads. 1.2571 0.06333 70 55 12 3
2077 What's inside your suit? Mine's shredded paper. 1.2571 0.05069 105 82 19 4
2078 All, it’s time to concede - I DID NOT win the election ! 1.2571 0.05069 105 82 19 4
2079 I say, Jones, that’s a smashing idea! 1.2571 0.06333 70 55 12 3
2080 The media says we're in trouble, but they don't know jack. 1.2568 0.06399 74 59 11 4
2081 Our budget has been gutted. 1.2568 0.06399 74 59 11 4
2082 What I like about this team is our commitment to diversity. 1.2568 0.05792 74 57 15 2
2083 o'lanterns, meet Jack 1.2568 0.06103 74 58 13 3
2084 Elon bought the company and made me CEO. You’re all fired! 1.2568 0.05792 74 57 15 2
2085 I know I wanted to hire all Yes-Men but I did expect more originality for Halloween costumes! 1.2568 0.05113 74 55 19 0
2086 We have to be more than just a bunch of Talking Heads 1.2568 0.06103 74 58 13 3
2087 Pumpkin Spice Latte's for all my friends...! 1.2568 0.06682 74 60 9 5
2088 Yes Kyle, nothing personal but 'Once you let your guts out you're able to shine' as a slogan is not the vibe we're looking for. Can you make it more Hallmark? 1.2568 0.06399 74 59 11 4
2089 It seems we've really spooked the markets again. 1.2566 0.04833 113 88 21 4
2090 Be on gourd for more cuts. 1.2564 0.06435 78 63 10 5
2091 I have some very good news. This year's pumpkin spice kickoff has been moved up to July 4. 1.2564 0.05300 78 59 18 1
2092 Listen up! I just came up with a smashing idea... 1.2564 0.05300 78 59 18 1
2093 So, then, it is unanimous. 1.2564 0.05895 78 61 14 3
2094 And believe me, if heads roll around here it’s going to be really messy. 1.2564 0.05300 78 59 18 1
2095 ..a priest,a rabbi and a jack-o-lantern walk into a bar 1.2564 0.05895 78 61 14 3
2096 Welcome to the inaugural meeting of the diversity committee 1.2564 0.05605 78 60 16 2
2097 Okay men time for everyone to light up 🔥🎃 1.2564 0.04976 78 58 20 0
2098 Folks, i know that in september pumpkin spice lattes outdid us, but now its our time to shine 1.2564 0.06171 78 62 12 4
2099 Let's go clockwise around the table and introduce ourselves. My name is Jack O'Lantern." 1.2561 0.05435 82 63 17 2
2100 We’re just not sure you’re the right face for the organization. 1.2561 0.05964 82 65 13 4
2101 Do we have any volunteers to work in our pie factory? 1.2561 0.06211 82 66 11 5
2102 Our lawyers have told us we need more Jane O' Lanterns on the Board. 1.2561 0.06678 82 68 7 7
2103 Since we are way out of our field I move we hire a consultant! 1.2561 0.05706 82 64 15 3
2104 We have to make some cuts. Who's for pie? 1.2561 0.05435 82 63 17 2
2105 Come on, guys. You all knew when you signed on that it was seasonal work. 1.2561 0.06449 82 67 9 6
2106 The good news is financing is in place. The bad news is Peter Peter is joining the Board. 1.2561 0.05964 82 65 13 4
2107 Well, fine! Does anyone have a better idea!? 1.2561 0.06678 82 68 7 7
2108 I think it's time we diversified. 1.2561 0.05151 82 62 19 1
2109 Hello, I’m Elon Musk and you are all fired 1.2561 0.05706 82 64 15 3
2110 Jacks, let’s go out there and make it a spooky Halloween. 1.2561 0.05435 82 63 17 2
2111 Pumpkin spice latte and pumpkin pie for everyone, it's on the company 1.2561 0.06211 82 66 11 5
2112 Our pie charts show that not everyone is contributing. 1.2558 0.06006 86 69 12 5
2113 Who said we needed to spice it up in here? 1.2558 0.05532 86 67 16 3
2114 Now, now...you'll love working with the Jill O'lantern. 1.2558 0.05532 86 67 16 3
2115 Who here likes pumpkin pie? Just kidding! 1.2558 0.05532 86 67 16 3
2116 Sure, profits are down, but the holiday push is ahead of us. Don't lose your gourds. 1.2558 0.05774 86 68 14 4
2117 Doesn’t one of you have an idea I don’t have to squash? 1.2558 0.05774 86 68 14 4
2118 We need ideas, people! We can’t let those clowns win. 1.2558 0.05279 86 66 18 2
2119 And the candle goes to... 1.2556 0.05819 90 72 13 5
2120 I need one good idea to turn those frowns upside down. 1.2556 0.05373 90 70 17 3
2121 Glad to see that everyone actually gets the memos. 1.2556 0.05600 90 71 15 4
2122 We value diversity above all else. 1.2556 0.05373 90 70 17 3
2123 Peter Peter the pumpkin leader finally realized that his brain trust had been lobotomized. 1.2556 0.05600 90 71 15 4
2124 Where are the pie charts I asked you to prepare? 1.2553 0.05440 94 74 16 4
2125 I am pleased to announce that the “Headless Horseman” has made a hostile takeover bid! 1.2553 0.05647 94 75 14 5
2126 Hocus Pocus Group 1.2553 0.06038 94 77 10 7
2127 I thought that you all would be happy. 1.2551 0.05292 98 77 17 4
2128 We'll start things off with the layoff list: Jack, you're out. 1.2551 0.05292 98 77 17 4
2129 We've had to let the Chief Diversity Officer go. 1.2551 0.05487 98 78 15 5
2130 So . . . time to address who will receive golden parachutes in our acquisition by Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater, Inc. 1.2542 0.07087 59 47 9 3
2131 THAT'S how they get the spice??? 1.2542 0.06662 59 46 11 2
2132 Guys I get that we're all, like, huge fans of the movie and everything, but I think it's problematic to bring Johnny Depp back for the sequel. People will learn to love a new Ichabod. 1.2542 0.05717 59 44 15 0
2133 We almost had a deal, but there were too many carve outs. 1.2542 0.06208 59 45 13 1
2134 I can see from your reactions most of you aren’t cut out to make these tough decisions. 1.2542 0.06208 59 45 13 1
2135 We've been purchased by Watermelons International and they will be making some changes. 1.2540 0.06387 63 49 12 2
2136 Welcome to our annual Halloween survivors meeting. 1.2540 0.06776 63 50 10 3
2137 Welcome to diversity training. 1.2540 0.06387 63 49 12 2
2138 This is arbitrary and capricious! 1.2540 0.06387 63 49 12 2
2139 Get out the carving knives, I have some very good news. 1.2537 0.05763 67 51 15 1
2140 Yes, I know - this could have been an email 1.2537 0.06143 67 52 13 2
2141 Ten little pumpkins sitting at a desk Three of you are fired and now there are less 1.2537 0.06501 67 53 11 3
2142 So we’re in agreement. It’s pumpkin spice flavor again! 1.2537 0.06501 67 53 11 3
2143 Where are the happy faces? 1.2535 0.05923 71 55 14 2
2144 So this is how you get a head in my company... 1.2535 0.05573 71 54 16 1
2145 I'm happy to report that Peter Peter has agreed to join us as a full partner. 1.2535 0.06867 71 58 8 5
2146 Why not take the risk? We’ll all be rotting by Thanksgiving, anyway! 1.2535 0.05923 71 55 14 2
2147 This meeting needs a straw man. 1.2535 0.05923 71 55 14 2
2148 As you all know, our primary focus this quarter will be on stalk buy-backs... 1.2535 0.06567 71 57 10 4
2149 Profits are down guys. Heads will roll 1.2535 0.05923 71 55 14 2
2150 So - can any of you honestly say you were great this year 1.2533 0.06869 75 62 7 6
2151 And now the end is near 1.2533 0.06031 75 59 13 3
2152 All in favor grin, all opposed frown. The grins have it! 1.2533 0.06031 75 59 13 3
2153 We are all going to have to work overtime on the last day of October. 1.2533 0.06031 75 59 13 3
2154 I'm sorry to say this, but you're all cut. 1.2533 0.06323 75 60 11 4
2155 Relax. Ignore the pie chart. 1.2533 0.06031 75 59 13 3
2156 And now the report from our new CPO. Ready, Jack? 1.2533 0.05724 75 58 15 2
2157 Guys,get your carving knives out because these profits are gonna make you want to smile. 1.2533 0.06031 75 59 13 3
2158 Of course, heads will roll… 1.2533 0.06031 75 59 13 3
2159 Last on today’s agenda, The band, Smashing Pumpkins, is looking for a new CD cover featuring a catapult. They need volunteers! 1.2533 0.05724 75 58 15 2
2160 So....Where are we on the "Eating Pumpkin Pie causes Male Pattern Baldness" campaign? 1.2533 0.06601 75 61 9 5
2161 Oh Boo-hoo! Ralph fell off the window ledge. He’s completely smashed. 1.2533 0.06031 75 59 13 3
2162 On to more important things, Dave do you have the carving knife? 1.2533 0.06323 75 60 11 4
2163 Now, do any of you worry you weren’t cut out for this work? 1.2533 0.05400 75 57 17 1
2164 Welcome back to our yearly gourd meeting... 1.2533 0.06601 75 61 9 5
2165 So our next big development project: how do we get these to light up from the inside in a medically safe and environmentally friendly way? 1.2532 0.06101 79 63 12 4
2166 Our Halloween Fun Day is coming up - I'll need some volunteers for the smashed pumpkin contest. 1.2532 0.05829 79 62 14 3
2167 Don’t worry. I assure you we are doing everything in our power to locate Peter Pumpkin eater! 1.2532 0.05243 79 60 18 1
2168 Are there any volunteers for headless horseman or do we draw straws? 1.2532 0.05544 79 61 16 2
2169 Santa keeps violating the Black Friday Agreement. 1.2532 0.04923 79 59 20 0
2170 I loved the cartoon filters we did on Zoom and want to continue the tradition now that we are back in person 1.2532 0.06101 79 63 12 4
2171 The Gourd of Directors announces another round of cuts. 1.2532 0.06361 79 64 10 5
2172 why so sad? You all have a seat at the table and not on the porch. 1.2532 0.05243 79 60 18 1
2173 Thank you, Jack. Next we’ll hear from Jack, then Jack, and then you, Jack, after Jack. Go ahead, Jack. 1.2532 0.05544 79 61 16 2
2174 Here’s news to reverse those frowns— pumpkin spice is no longer seasonal! 1.2530 0.06143 83 67 11 5
2175 Our company is no longer scary. We need fresh ideas. So scare me. 1.2530 0.05899 83 66 13 4
2176 What do you mean you didn't bring a candle..? 1.2530 0.05378 83 64 17 2
2177 One of you is moonlighting as a pumpkin coach for Cinderella. She's converting all of her horse powered vehicles to electric. I guarantee you'll lose your job here at Horse Power, Inc. if you continue. 1.2530 0.05645 83 65 15 3
2178 That guy bought Twitter, and they call US punkin' heads? 1.2530 0.05899 83 66 13 4
2179 Our outside sales manager Mr. Peter Peter has a wife, but can't keep her so I took it upon myself to suggest the members of this board would see she is kept very well while he is away. 1.2530 0.05378 83 64 17 2
2180 Thank you for carving out time for this meeting today. 1.2530 0.04801 83 62 21 0
2181 Great news, we've been acquired by Starbucks and assigned to the Pumpkin Spice Division, and they said they will find a use for the whole team! 1.2530 0.05899 83 66 13 4
2182 All in favor of Artificial Incandescence, say AI. 1.2530 0.05899 83 66 13 4
2183 I’m absolutely gutted to be leaving you all 1.2530 0.05899 83 66 13 4
2184 Great thinking with “Trump’s White House”, Kevin. I think we really nailed the scary Halloween costumes this year. 1.2530 0.06143 83 67 11 5
2185 Diversity isn't so scary. 1.2529 0.05476 87 68 16 3
2186 Everyone wants a piece of the pie. Gentlemen, WE ARE THE PIE! 1.2529 0.05715 87 69 14 4
2187 Better than being a bunch of knuckleheads. 1.2529 0.06165 87 71 10 6
2188 This meeting is lit. 1.2529 0.05944 87 70 12 5
2189 Realizing your boss had his brains scooped out. 1.2529 0.05715 87 69 14 4
2190 This is my last meeting as your CEO, Ichabod Crane will be here for the meeting in a few days, I hope you give him a warm welcome 1.2529 0.04964 87 66 20 1
2191 To meet our diversity target, I am offering a new incentive to anyone who would like to be known as Jill. 1.2529 0.05226 87 67 18 2
2192 Profits were low last quarter so we’re making a shift from ‘seeds’ to ‘filling’ 1.2529 0.05476 87 68 16 3
2193 Now listen here, all you punks...this thing's gonna get every Jack-o-Lantern lit up from here to Massachusetts...and by golly we're gonna stay lit up! 1.2527 0.05546 91 72 15 4
2194 Fellow Atheist Pumpkins, let us consider the motion that there is no Gourd... 1.2527 0.05546 91 72 15 4
2195 Our stocks rose all through October. Who could have seen demand suddenly crash? 1.2527 0.05546 91 72 15 4
2196 Management says we need to cut down our workforce and increase production of pies. 1.2527 0.05321 91 71 17 3
2197 Gentlemen. We are being attacked by hungry squirrels! How can we protect ourselves? 1.2527 0.05546 91 72 15 4
2198 I really want to thank you. The company is desperate for more pumpkin pie and I knew I could count on you to give your all. 1.2526 0.05177 95 74 18 3
2199 Glad to see our stalks are up 1.2525 0.05438 99 79 15 5
2200 They all knew Jack was the perfect talking head to spice things up at the board meeting, but they hated him anyway. 1.2524 0.05293 103 82 16 5
2201 seriously, is everybody here also named Jack? 1.2523 0.05159 107 85 17 5
2202 We need to smash heads, if need be, to reach our third quarter goals. 1.2523 0.05034 111 88 18 5
2203 In a moment, knives will be distributed, and we will turn those frowns upside down! 1.2523 0.05034 111 88 18 5
2204 The good news is that the demand for pumpkin spice is through the roof. The bad news, for some of you ... 1.2500 0.06299 64 50 12 2
2205 ...and then the new Taylor Swift album played over and over again. 1.2500 0.06248 76 61 11 4
2206 Yes, the rumors are true: In 48 hours we'll all be mulch. 1.2500 0.05705 92 74 13 5
2207 I heard they have pie in the cafeteria today. 1.2500 0.05423 104 84 14 6
2208 Well, it's unanimous then. 1.2500 0.06682 64 51 10 3
2209 I'm thinking with a witch or two a ghost and maybe even a black cat our board would be more inclusive. 1.2500 0.05851 72 56 14 2
2210 Judging by your carved faces, I see you're not happy with the new bonus structure... 1.2500 0.05851 72 56 14 2
2211 Wait, what? A DEI initiative? Are you out of your gourd? 1.2500 0.05690 68 52 15 1
2212 We, as a board, have been called empty-headed. We need to respond. Suggestions? 1.2500 0.06248 76 61 11 4
2213 OK, now that we’re all out of Linus’ pumpkin patch, I call this meeting to order….. 1.2500 0.06248 76 61 11 4
2214 For a second there I had the seed of an idea, but it's gone now. 1.2500 0.06063 68 53 13 2
2215 Nobody *wants* the 'Trumpkin' rebrand, Peter, but the likeness is uncanny, and we all have bills to pay. 1.2500 0.05585 84 66 15 3
2216 I want to see more smiles around the table! 1.2500 0.06415 68 54 11 3
2217 Okay, let's turn those frowns around even if it means standing on your heads! 1.2500 0.05421 88 69 16 3
2218 I know the situation is dire; I'm just carved this way. 1.2500 0.05492 92 73 15 4
2219 Gentlemen! Gentlemen! Why the long faces? This diversity thing; it, too, shall pass. 1.2500 0.06563 60 47 11 2
2220 I need a change of attitude folks, or heads will roll 1.2500 0.05339 76 58 17 1
2221 Let's carve a smile and have a great week everyone! 1.2500 0.06289 80 65 10 5
2222 Our new carve-out should help squash the homogeneity in this gourdroom. 1.2500 0.06682 64 51 10 3
2223 So the latest sales figures indicate people strongly prefer plastic pumpkins. Fortunately for me, as soon as I heard this I dumped everything and went short. 1.2500 0.05339 96 76 16 4
2224 All right! All hands on deck to tackle our biggest challenge: how to stay relevant past October 31. 1.2500 0.07066 68 56 7 5
2225 Thank you for hiring me as the new director. My name is Peter-Peter. 1.2500 0.05960 76 60 13 3
2226 I don't like anymore than you do....but those little decorative gourds are here to stay. 1.2500 0.06415 68 54 11 3
2227 LED's are for CEO's only! 1.2500 0.06682 64 51 10 3
2228 Sorry fellows, there's only room for one Jack at the table. 1.2500 0.05492 92 73 15 4
2229 Great news! We’re going head first into the frozen pie market. 1.2500 0.06176 72 57 12 3
2230 You’re all canned, pumpkins! 1.2500 0.05764 80 63 14 3
2231 We're going into the pie business. 1.2500 0.05960 76 60 13 3
2232 Second prize is .... steak knives! 1.2500 0.06415 68 54 11 3
2233 All in favor of an eyeglasses and dental plan, raise your hand 1.2500 0.06033 80 64 12 4
2234 well it's after midnight 1.2500 0.06063 68 53 13 2
2235 So what do I have to do to get you guys to lighten up? 1.2500 0.05764 80 63 14 3
2236 Sure, we're in a bad patch now, but maybe a knife at our throat is just what it'll take for us to finally see what we're made of. 1.2500 0.05339 96 76 16 4
2237 We're not sure why yet, but dental premiums will triple next year. 1.2500 0.05690 68 52 15 1
2238 So we all agree except one that a stem is a part of jack-o'-lantern. 1.2500 0.05322 84 65 17 2
2239 OK, team.....today is the day we put our heads together and create something special. Who brought the cinnamon? 1.2500 0.06033 80 64 12 4
2240 Sales are down so I am afraid some of you will have to go seed. 1.2500 0.05893 64 49 14 1
2241 So, who booked Smashing Pumpkins for the Christmas party band? 1.2500 0.07043 64 52 8 4
2242 Meeting at the gourd room 1.2500 0.05637 60 45 15 0
2243 I think that we have oranged things very nicely. 1.2500 0.06563 60 47 11 2
2244 I told you Botox worked. 1.2500 0.06176 72 57 12 3
2245 In time, I think you'll get used to wearing a seasonal Covid mask. 1.2500 0.05837 84 67 13 4
2246 Off with their heads I say! 1.2500 0.05735 96 78 12 6
2247 All right team! Again this is our season, let’s make the most of it. 1.2500 0.05175 88 68 18 2
2248 Our terms on this board will expire in two to three weeks. 1.2500 0.06415 68 54 11 3
2249 We need more individuality in this room. 1.2500 0.05046 84 64 19 1
2250 You'll all be filling in at our Pie Division next week. 1.2500 0.05421 88 69 16 3
2251 We must be prepared to SQUASH any competition this Halloween. 1.2500 0.06682 64 51 10 3
2252 Quaker meeting has begun, no more laughing, no more fun. 1.2500 0.06063 68 53 13 2
2253 I think we all knew these cuts were coming. 1.2500 0.05851 72 56 14 2
2254 Heh, heh, I could see a light go on in your heads when I mentioned the severance package. 1.2500 0.05339 76 58 17 1
2255 Hmmm, it looks like many of you won't make it to next week's meeting 1.2500 0.05637 60 45 15 0
2256 Forget the long term.. this is our time to shine. 1.2500 0.06749 68 55 9 4
2257 I had to fire Jack — he was all squishy inside 1.2500 0.05851 72 56 14 2
2258 Let’s carve out some positivity for a change. 1.2500 0.07066 68 56 7 5
2259 Next week my stepson Peter will be joining us as our new Diversity Director. 1.2500 0.06248 76 61 11 4
2260 Why am I always smiling? I guess I was just carved out that way. 1.2500 0.06248 76 61 11 4
2261 OK, it's settled, we meet back here in the spring. 1.2500 0.06176 72 57 12 3
2262 So you miss working from your porch? 1.2500 0.06415 68 54 11 3
2263 Well, that was not supposed to be a secret ballot, but... 1.2500 0.05541 96 77 14 5
2264 It looks like we've been carved-out of the corporate structure. 1.2500 0.05837 84 67 13 4
2265 So boys, all tricks and no treats. You hear me? 1.2500 0.05038 92 71 19 2
2266 Good news,everyone: Our third quarter numbers are up. Which is why I have this smile carved onto my face. 1.2500 0.05483 80 62 16 2
2267 It's true we lost Frank and Ralph and Doug, but Starbucks has awarded us a contract for our Pumpkin Spice Coffee. 1.2500 0.05893 64 49 14 1
2268 corporate would like to emphasize while dressing up is not required,your participation will be reviewed while discussing your Christmas bonus. 1.2500 0.05322 84 65 17 2
2269 The famous Jack O'Lantern begins the tricky business of persuading the board to see things his way. 1.2500 0.06563 60 47 11 2
2270 Don’t take it so hard — some of my best friends are pies! 1.2500 0.05690 68 52 15 1
2271 The lowest performer will be featured in this year’s pumpkin carving contest. 1.2500 0.05000 76 57 19 0
2272 If you don't like this uniform , just wait until November!" 1.2500 0.05483 80 62 16 2
2273 I’m afraid Mr. Billy Corgan has finally completed the acquisition of our company. 1.2500 0.06485 72 58 10 4
2274 If stocks drop more, heads will rot! 1.2500 0.06523 76 62 9 5
2275 Meeting adjourned. Who wants pie? 1.2500 0.06176 72 57 12 3
2276 . I wonder what those eggheads are doing in the other conference room. 1.2500 0.06415 68 54 11 3
2277 Have you all lost your minds?? 1.2500 0.06682 64 51 10 3
2278 See? We can be fun. We’re not ruthless. We have holiday spirit. Who could argue that? 1.2500 0.05270 92 72 17 3
2279 Oh my gourd… we’re doing so great this year!! Totally squashing the competition!! 👏👏 1.2500 0.06063 68 53 13 2
2280 What a coincidence - seems we're all named Jack! 1.2500 0.05851 72 56 14 2
2281 Hey! All your frowns are on the cutting edge. 1.2500 0.05893 64 49 14 1
2282 This year will be a smash. 1.2500 0.05322 84 65 17 2
2283 As you all know, the end of October comes with massive downsizing. 1.2500 0.06523 76 62 9 5
2284 As a company reminder, it is unethical to bring pumpkin spice lattes into the office. 1.2500 0.07043 64 52 8 4
2285 A jack-o-all trades is a master of none 1.2500 0.05322 84 65 17 2
2286 Listen here Jack, it's about time we change our demeanor around here. 1.2500 0.05658 76 59 15 2
2287 Guys..I’m going to be honest..November is looking like a rough month for us. 1.2500 0.05421 88 69 16 3
2288 The sole agenda of this meeting is to find out why we get replaced with reindeers after the 31st? 1.2500 0.05585 84 66 15 3
2289 Pumpkin Pitch 1.2476 0.05376 105 85 14 6
2290 So hear me out, the fairy godmother said she has a great idea for all of us 1.2475 0.04956 101 79 19 3
2291 Dental? Why dental? 1.2473 0.05439 93 74 15 4
2292 What say we just forget about the market and let's all get smashed? 1.2473 0.05439 93 74 15 4
2293 So are we all agreed no Pumpkin Pie this year? 1.2473 0.05650 93 75 13 5
2294 All you gotta do is carve that frown upside down 1.2473 0.05439 93 74 15 4
2295 We need to prepare for pumpkin season cut offs and avoid being caught off gourd! 1.2473 0.05439 93 74 15 4
2296 Our kind is getting picked, pulled and carved. We must do something. 1.2472 0.05367 89 70 16 3
2297 I’m so glad to see all department heads are in attendance! Thanks for carving out the time! 1.2472 0.05367 89 70 16 3
2298 As you know, we're going to have to make more cuts this week. 1.2471 0.05268 85 66 17 2
2299 I’d rather that you all got lit later tonight than getting smashed & losing your heads. 1.2471 0.06241 85 70 9 6
2300 It feels a bit strange at first, but lip botox can change your life. 1.2471 0.05775 85 68 13 4
2301 Smashing. 1.2471 0.05527 85 67 15 3
2302 All this in favor of naming Zucchini the new official Halloween squash . . . 1.2471 0.05527 85 67 15 3
2303 Let’s carve some time to talk about Halloween 1.2471 0.06241 85 70 9 6
2304 They want our heads on a platter 1.2471 0.05775 85 68 13 4
2305 Jack, Jack,Jack, Jack,Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack and Jack junior... 1.2469 0.05966 81 65 12 4
2306 And now, I think, is the time to carve up last quarter's earnings. 1.2469 0.05424 81 63 16 2
2307 Alright, Jack, you’re up. 1.2469 0.05966 81 65 12 4
2308 You all are just a bunch of pumpkin heads. 1.2469 0.06219 81 66 10 5
2309 Pumpkin pie off the menu until after October 31. 1.2469 0.06923 81 69 4 8
2310 I'm not smiling, you idiot. They had to draw it that way to demonstrate that I'm the one speaking in the cartoon. 1.2469 0.05966 81 65 12 4
2311 At last, we confirmed the band for our party: The Smashing Pumpkins! 1.2469 0.05424 81 63 16 2
2312 This holiday season, we’re giving back to the community. 1.2469 0.06219 81 66 10 5
2313 We can't put it off anymore; it's time for the bobblehead vote... 1.2469 0.05701 81 64 14 3
2314 This year, we are going to squash the competition. 1.2469 0.05701 81 64 14 3
2315 My wife passed yesterday. yall want some pumkin pie? 1.2469 0.05966 81 65 12 4
2316 Oh and don't forget team, on All Saints' Day we switch to turkey heads! 1.2469 0.05701 81 64 14 3
2317 I’m here to announce that the board has rejected the proposed carve-out. 1.2469 0.05966 81 65 12 4
2318 Good morning gentlemen; welcome to the daily rind. 1.2469 0.05966 81 65 12 4
2319 We got carved up last quarter. 1.2469 0.06219 81 66 10 5
2320 Who here knows what a smile is 1.2469 0.05701 81 64 14 3
2321 Indeed, their seedy business dealings have been squashed. 1.2468 0.05891 77 61 13 3
2322 Welcome! The rumour’s true. Our corporate image will now be all smiles. I had the re-carving done as you can see and it was quick and painless. And, I have your individual rectification appointments right here. 1.2468 0.05891 77 61 13 3
2323 The HR department has, similarly, been turned into mice, so I’m frankly not sure where to redirect your complaints to. 1.2468 0.06175 77 62 11 4
2324 Quiet, I immediately want one volunteer for this year's Jack O Lantern. 1.2468 0.05594 77 60 15 2
2325 One more crack about CFO Ichabod and heads will roll. 1.2468 0.05594 77 60 15 2
2326 I think it's the microdosing. 1.2468 0.06175 77 62 11 4
2327 . . and they need ten pumpkins for the pie 1.2468 0.04945 77 58 19 0
2328 Good news! Pumpkin Spice! Bad news. Pumpkin spice. 1.2468 0.05594 77 60 15 2
2329 If we are not profitable by the end of October,heads will roll. 1.2468 0.05594 77 60 15 2
2330 We're considering rebranding to Squash-o-lantern to be more inclusive. 1.2468 0.05891 77 61 13 3
2331 These CDC recommendations have really gone off the rails. 1.2468 0.05891 77 61 13 3
2332 No Jack, I don't think we have a diversity problem at this company. 1.2468 0.06175 77 62 11 4
2333 smashing, no? 1.2468 0.06445 77 63 9 5
2334 'Anyone know the home address of that prick Santa Claus?' 1.2468 0.05891 77 61 13 3
2335 ABC. A-Always. B-Be. C-Carving. Always Be Carving. 1.2468 0.05891 77 61 13 3
2336 Why aren’t you all smiling..?! We’ve succeeded in culturally appropriating The Day of the Dead and monetising it globally for our own needs..! 1.2468 0.06445 77 63 9 5
2337 Let me be the first one to squash the rumors. 1.2468 0.05891 77 61 13 3
2338 We have to put our heads together and find out how to temper this so called ‘pumpkin spice economy’- it seems inflation can’t even help us with this one. 1.2468 0.05891 77 61 13 3
2339 i’m calling this gourd meeting into session. 1.2466 0.05780 73 57 14 2
2340 I'm afraid the company is about to be carved up. 1.2466 0.05780 73 57 14 2
2341 We need to elect the next chairman of the gourd 1.2466 0.05780 73 57 14 2
2342 I think we are ready to go door to door... 1.2466 0.06405 73 59 10 4
2343 Great news, we've landed the Ichabod Crane account! 1.2466 0.06101 73 58 12 3
2344 I'm all for Halloween festivities, but this is going over-gourd. 1.2466 0.05780 73 57 14 2
2345 And so I have decided to step down as Great Pumpkin, effective immediately. 1.2466 0.05780 73 57 14 2
2346 I am sorry to report that Joe is not here. He got smashed at the party last night. 1.2466 0.05080 73 55 18 0
2347 Can we just stop the Trump impressions and get on with the meeting?” 1.2466 0.06101 73 58 12 3
2348 typical committee meeting 1.2466 0.06405 73 59 10 4
2349 Let’s plan our next carve out for October 31 2023. 1.2466 0.05780 73 57 14 2
2350 I warned you there were going to be some cuts 1.2464 0.05225 69 52 17 0
2351 …and for our November 23rd meeting turkey costumes are mandatory. 1.2464 0.05225 69 52 17 0
2352 Welcome to the first meeting of the (PA) Pumpkin Anonymous 1.2464 0.05619 69 53 15 1
2353 that scent? wow, you noticed? it’s a little bit of chili oil mixed with vinegar, and i swear to god it’s a miracle. it smells great, keeps the squirrels from eating me, and gives any redneck, teenager, or frat pledge who fucks me a delightful tingle. 1.2464 0.06332 69 55 11 3
2354 And by switching from candle to LED last quarter, we’ve reduced the cost of the employee life insurance plan by 28%. 1.2464 0.05619 69 53 15 1
2355 If anyone disagrees I'll empty your head and stick a lighted candle in it. 1.2464 0.06332 69 55 11 3
2356 That’s ten votes for treat, one vote for trick. Trick wins. 1.2464 0.06332 69 55 11 3
2357 Gentlemen, let’s put our heads together and carve out a plan for this year’s budget 1.2464 0.06660 69 56 9 4
2358 unfortunately, the roll-out has been pushed back to November 1 1.2464 0.06332 69 55 11 3
2359 Waiting for the smashing pumpkins concert like….. 1.2464 0.05986 69 54 13 2
2360 I think we can all agree that our style has an expiration date! 1.2464 0.05619 69 53 15 1
2361 Actually, the smile is scarier. You all just look sad. 1.2464 0.06660 69 56 9 4
2362 I’ve been told we have an issue with diversity of thought here… 1.2464 0.05986 69 54 13 2
2363 Sadly, our CMO is now a pie. 1.2464 0.05986 69 54 13 2
2364 Now that we're carved, we only have about a week to make the company successful. 1.2462 0.05814 65 50 14 1
2365 Either turn those frowns upside down or you're fired. 1.2462 0.06214 65 51 12 2
2366 Some of you have expressed concerns about the company dental plan. 1.2462 0.05814 65 50 14 1
2367 Where is thumpkin!! 1.2462 0.06589 65 52 10 3
2368 Ten heads are better than one, even if they’re pumpkin heads. 1.2462 0.05814 65 50 14 1
2369 I can't fucking believe you guys carved frowny faces. Have you seen the numbers this quarter? 1.2462 0.06589 65 52 10 3
2370 Which one of you is Jack, again? 1.2462 0.06589 65 52 10 3
2371 I'll be frank. This company's going to seed and there's not a dam thing we can do about it. 1.2462 0.05814 65 50 14 1
2372 As your new CEO, I think you'll find a few cuts here and there and we'll all be smiling. 1.2462 0.06214 65 51 12 2
2373 Roll Call: O’Lantern?” “Here” “O’Lantern?” “Here” “O’Lantern?” 1.2462 0.06589 65 52 10 3
2374 ...And no one is leaving until we figure out this November sales drop off. 1.2459 0.06877 61 49 9 3
2375 Our shareholders are demanding more diversity on our board. 1.2459 0.06468 61 48 11 2
2376 I regret to tell you that your services will no longer be required come November 1st. 1.2459 0.06031 61 47 13 1
2377 All in favor of Linus as the Great Pumpkin, say aye. 1.2459 0.05559 61 46 15 0
2378 Hi. My name is Elon. 1.2459 0.06877 61 49 9 3
2379 Agreed. Let's abolish all horses, and even the ponies. 1.2459 0.07264 61 50 7 4
2380 We can talk about your bonus in November. 1.2459 0.06877 61 49 9 3
2381 I think these new cuts will really change the atmosphere around here. 1.2459 0.06031 61 47 13 1
2382 Is it stuffy in here, or is it just me? 1.2459 0.06468 61 48 11 2
2383 Tomorrow we squash the competition! 1.2456 0.06754 57 45 10 2
2384 For the last quarter, we’re going dark.” 1.2453 0.04982 106 84 18 4
2385 Welcome to the gourd meeting! 1.2453 0.04982 106 84 18 4
2386 Thank you all for carving time out for this meeting. 1.2449 0.04824 98 76 20 2
2387 I got the head of the table by smiling, folks, but my insides are as rotten as yours 1.2449 0.05439 98 79 14 5
2388 Our trick/treat ratio has never been higher! 1.2449 0.05037 98 77 18 3
2389 We're facing serious competition from the Swedes this year. 1.2447 0.05387 94 75 15 4
2390 Hello pumpkin pie! 1.2447 0.05387 94 75 15 4
2391 We had a smashingly good quarter…..sorry, bad word choice. 1.2447 0.05171 94 74 17 3
2392 We got carved up pretty good this quarter. The CEO said we don't know Jack. 1.2447 0.05171 94 74 17 3
2393 Good news. You are all being transferred to our pie division! 1.2444 0.05314 90 71 16 3
2394 I'm glad you were all able to carve out time for this meeting. 1.2442 0.04660 86 65 21 0
2395 So how we do all feel about soy candles? 1.2442 0.05470 86 68 15 3
2396 We’ll need to land this deal by Halloween or it’s in the garbage. 1.2442 0.05949 86 70 11 5
2397 While imitation is the highest form of flattery; here at Apple, I appreciate innovative thinking 1.2442 0.05715 86 69 13 4
2398 Who’s going to be Santa at this years Christmas party? 1.2442 0.05715 86 69 13 4
2399 Our heads will all be on a platter after Halloween! 1.2439 0.05639 82 65 14 3
2400 Enjoy the lattes, I spiced them myself. 1.2439 0.05366 82 64 16 2
2401 Gentlemen, in six weeks your heads will be mush. 1.2439 0.06622 82 69 6 7
2402 Right! Now let's see some smiles. 1.2439 0.05366 82 64 16 2
2403 We need a volunteer to help make the holiday party pie. 1.2439 0.05366 82 64 16 2
2404 Here it is everyone. What you've been waiting for. The voting is in and the pies have it. 1.2439 0.05900 82 66 12 4
2405 We’ll have to make some additional cuts this year. 1.2439 0.05366 82 64 16 2
2406 Great to see so many new faces at this month's gourd meeting. 1.2439 0.05366 82 64 16 2
2407 Welcome to our inaugural gender reveal Board of Directors meeting. Now on the count of three… 1.2436 0.04892 78 59 19 0
2408 So who is first for the Pumpkin Chucking Contest? 1.2436 0.05531 78 61 15 2
2409 Gentleman, the stockholders have caught on that this company is in fact ran by a bunch of potemkins not pumpkins,you can take your disguises off now. 1.2436 0.06370 78 64 9 5
2410 I'm thinking of rebranding the whole thing "pumpkin awareness month" 1.2436 0.05531 78 61 15 2
2411 I see my little ruse didn’t help with the Board downsizing. 1.2436 0.05824 78 62 13 3
2412 I appreciate everyone's spirit, especially you Jack. 1.2436 0.06103 78 63 11 4
2413 Ok, just so you know, we're all pumkinheads! 1.2436 0.05824 78 62 13 3
2414 Sorry, no Snickers at this meeting. 1.2436 0.06370 78 64 9 5
2415 I've finally realized: you're all just a bunch of ninny-muggin pumpkin heads 1.2436 0.05824 78 62 13 3
2416 I'm sure you're all wondering why I've asked you here today. 1.2436 0.06103 78 63 11 4
2417 If profits are not up this quarter, I will release the squirrels! 1.2436 0.05531 78 61 15 2
2418 I appreciate everyone carving time out of their schedule. It’s midnight. Let’s get started. 1.2436 0.05824 78 62 13 3
2419 I suppose you're all wondering why I've gathered you here today. 1.2436 0.05824 78 62 13 3
2420 Now, for my smashing idea. . . 1.2436 0.05824 78 62 13 3
2421 Today we're going to carve out the company's new mission statement 1.2436 0.05824 78 62 13 3
2422 Thank you all for joining the diversity committee… 1.2436 0.05824 78 62 13 3
2423 The numbers are looking good, team. In a decade, we'll be more popular than Christmas and those elves can rot in hell. 1.2436 0.05531 78 61 15 2
2424 Don't look at me like that 1.2436 0.06103 78 63 11 4
2425 And the holiday party is going to be a smash. 1.2432 0.06327 74 60 10 4
2426 I, for one, think we're doing great, considering this is a seasonal business and our heads are empty. 1.2432 0.05711 74 58 14 2
2427 You must be wondering why I’ve asked you to be here today? 1.2432 0.06327 74 60 10 4
2428 Think about it, folks: Children going door to door begging for food... The current economic climate means every day can be Halloween! 1.2432 0.05378 74 57 16 1
2429 Well, I can guess by your expressions that most of you were carved AFTER the 3rd quarter numbers were released. 1.2432 0.06327 74 60 10 4
2430 Considering past performance, only a third of you will still be here by Halloween. 1.2432 0.05711 74 58 14 2
2431 I see we're all patched in. 1.2432 0.05378 74 57 16 1
2432 ... so before I went under the knife, I said; "turn that frown upside down!" 1.2432 0.06327 74 60 10 4
2433 The new owners despise nepotism, so I have to make some changes around here. 1.2432 0.05711 74 58 14 2
2434 The bad news is sales are their lowest in a decade. The good new is, I got a face lift. 1.2432 0.06613 74 61 8 5
2435 We are here to squash the competition 1.2432 0.05378 74 57 16 1
2436 As your new CEO, replacing Jack O. Lantern ... 1.2429 0.05910 70 55 13 2
2437 I hope you find this meeting illuminating. 1.2429 0.05910 70 55 13 2
2438 My management style is a little spicy but you'll get used to it. 1.2429 0.05910 70 55 13 2
2439 I have the greatest orange face the world has ever seen! 1.2429 0.06251 70 56 11 3
2440 Yes, Jack O'Lantern, we all need nicknames or these meetings will continue to drag on. 1.2429 0.06574 70 57 9 4
2441 Come on you guys, you can’t all be Jack-O’-Lanterns! 1.2429 0.05910 70 55 13 2
2442 The strawberry-rhubarb merger poses a serious threat. 1.2429 0.06251 70 56 11 3
2443 I just blow dried the cat. 1.2429 0.06251 70 56 11 3
2444 All those in favor say “trick or treat”. 1.2429 0.06574 70 57 9 4
2445 From here forward, we look at everything with an open mind. 1.2429 0.06251 70 56 11 3
2446 I believe I've carved out a space in which we can all communicate openly 1.2429 0.05910 70 55 13 2
2447 -“As you know, the company will lay off all employees starting next month.” 1.2429 0.06251 70 56 11 3
2448 Mr. Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater is coming in next week. 1.2429 0.05910 70 55 13 2
2449 …and then he had the audacity to call me an airhead! 1.2429 0.06251 70 56 11 3
2450 I am pleased to announce our experimental carving surgery has put a smile on my face. 1.2429 0.05910 70 55 13 2
2451 We are agreed then? We'll call the new corporate campus The Patch to remind us of our humble beginnings. 1.2424 0.06849 66 54 8 4
2452 So, you’ve heard? I’ve sold to Perfect Pie Company! 1.2424 0.06499 66 53 10 3
2453 Now for an update from our diversity and inclusion committee. 1.2424 0.06499 66 53 10 3
2454 I expect to see some new faces here first thing tomorrow morning! 1.2424 0.06130 66 52 12 2
2455 Jack has another empty headed plan to squash the competition. 1.2424 0.06130 66 52 12 2
2456 Would anyone like pie? 1.2424 0.04992 99 78 18 3
2457 Its that time of year again, so let's just try and keep our heads everyone 1.2424 0.06130 66 52 12 2
2458 First on today's agenda is that we need to decide how to carve up the pie. 1.2421 0.05122 95 75 17 3
2459 It's that time of year again. Stay safe. Stay inside. 1.2421 0.04899 95 74 19 2
2460 She jackin o’ my lantern til I holler “ween.” 1.2419 0.06777 62 50 9 3
2461 Those turnips across the pond won't see what hit them. 1.2419 0.07157 62 51 7 4
2462 Don’t be a Jack-be-little !!! 1.2419 0.05946 62 48 13 1
2463 Carve out the dead weight? Smashing idea! 1.2419 0.07157 62 51 7 4
2464 The Executive Gourd meeting will now come to order. 1.2419 0.05946 62 48 13 1
2465 Bright ideas, anyone? 1.2419 0.06375 62 49 11 2
2466 These are unprecedented times and the firm will need to make some sacrifices, beginning with the low-hanging fruit. 1.2419 0.06777 62 50 9 3
2467 I think its just smashing that everyone could carve out some time to attend this year’s Gourd of Directors meeting! 🎃 🎃 🎃 1.2419 0.06777 62 50 9 3
2468 Would anyone like a human spice latte? 1.2419 0.06375 62 49 11 2
2469 A motion to squash is on the table. 1.2418 0.05490 91 73 14 4
2470 Good meeting. Shall we carve out some time for next week? 1.2418 0.05708 91 74 12 5
2471 Now don”t laugh until you’ve heard the rest. 1.2418 0.05263 91 72 16 3
2472 Sometimes it seems like our emotions are written all over our face. 1.2418 0.05708 91 74 12 5
2473 Any ideas about how to boost our “Old Spice” sales? 1.2418 0.04776 91 70 20 1
2474 It’s time to squash the competition. 1.2414 0.07505 58 48 6 4
2475 This meeting of the Gourd of Trustees is now in session 1.2414 0.07505 58 48 6 4
2476 It wasn't pretty when Bob got smashed at last year's company Halloween party, so too keep it from happening to someone else, here's no open bar this year. 1.2414 0.04895 87 67 19 1
2477 So I'm putting all of you out on the street. 1.2414 0.05656 87 70 13 4
2478 C’mon now, turn that frown upside down 1.2414 0.05414 87 69 15 3
2479 You could say heads will roll November 1 1.2414 0.05414 87 69 15 3
2480 So next week, I expect to only see happy faces carved around this table, understand? 1.2414 0.06179 58 45 12 1
2481 Human Spice Latte sales have gone up 1.2411 0.05267 112 92 13 7
2482 Divest spice? You’re joking, right? 1.2410 0.05836 83 67 12 4
2483 Does anyone have a fresh theme idea for next month's meeting? We've done turkeys so many years in a row now. 1.2410 0.05836 83 67 12 4
2484 The problem is that we have too many pumpkins and not enough Jacks. 1.2410 0.05836 83 67 12 4
2485 Can we sustain this until the marketing numbers come in after Thanksgiving? 1.2410 0.05579 83 66 14 3
2486 Halloween is canceled. 1.2410 0.05579 83 66 14 3
2487 " Let's turn off the lights and have a good laugh!" 1.2410 0.05309 83 65 16 2
2488 That “no meetings after midnight” rule just made a lot of sense. 1.2410 0.05579 83 66 14 3
2489 Gentlemen, the board has decided not to provide seed funding for your Initial Pulp Offering. 1.2410 0.05836 83 67 12 4
2490 The short-term outline is scary - but that can be a good thing. 1.2410 0.05579 83 66 14 3
2491 Any one of you not named Jack can get up and leave right now. 1.2410 0.05024 83 64 18 1
2492 Thank goodness you're not all yes-men. 1.2410 0.05024 83 64 18 1
2493 Remember, we pioneered this whole "work from home" thing -- and we got lit. 1.2410 0.05836 83 67 12 4
2494 C’mon guys, let’s turn those frowns upside down - it’s pumpkin spice season after all! 1.2410 0.05579 83 66 14 3
2495 You need to carve out some time in your schedules for the annual pie contest and participation will be mandatory 1.2410 0.05579 83 66 14 3
2496 …and that’s why I need those frowns turned upside down! Bring in the knives! 1.2410 0.05309 83 65 16 2
2497 We are on a strict timeline here. 1.2405 0.05164 79 61 17 1
2498 Who ordered the pumpkin spice tea? 1.2405 0.06297 79 65 9 5
2499 This is what happens when you drink pumpkin spice lattes every day. 1.2405 0.04839 79 60 19 0
2500 I'm happy to announce that starting next year, the company will be offering a long overdue dental plan. 1.2405 0.05469 79 62 15 2
2501 On Halloween we masquerade as people! 1.2405 0.05164 79 61 17 1
2502 I’m happy to announce last years ideas of holding this meeting in a patch has been squashed. Just like Ted. 1.2405 0.06297 79 65 9 5
2503 This is how we're going to squash our competition this Fall... 1.2405 0.05469 79 62 15 2
2504 ‘ I didn’t know your idea to plant seeds for future growth would have such an effect on the board’ 1.2405 0.05758 79 63 13 3
2505 Alas, it's too late to have a brainstorming session! 1.2405 0.05164 79 61 17 1
2506 Why the long faces? It’s a board meeting, not a bored meeting. 1.2400 0.05644 75 59 14 2
2507 I will be stepping down as chairman of the gourds. 1.2400 0.06250 75 61 10 4
2508 Well boys, it’s October and our future’s never looked brighter. 1.2400 0.05644 75 59 14 2
2509 Will one of you at least smile at my jokes? 1.2400 0.05315 75 58 16 1
2510 I told you to pick the smiling emoji! 1.2400 0.05315 75 58 16 1
2511 We’re going to need to make more cuts. 1.2400 0.04965 75 57 18 0
2512 Good news. Butternut squash makes better pumpkin pies. 1.2400 0.05644 75 59 14 2
2513 We need a couple of volunteers to help with product development in the pie department 1.2400 0.05315 75 58 16 1
2514 Well, here’s something that may bring a smile to your face . . . . 1.2400 0.05644 75 59 14 2
2515 So we all agree the corporate sports facilities should include a squash ground? 1.2400 0.05644 75 59 14 2
2516 We're going to have to make some difficult cuts this quarter--starting with your frown, Jenkins. 1.2400 0.05315 75 58 16 1
2517 Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater has bought our company. Now let's adjourn to the break room where he has a special lunch for us. 1.2400 0.05315 75 58 16 1
2518 Our numbers this quarter are terrifying. 1.2400 0.05644 75 59 14 2
2519 Yes the rumors are true, our company has just been bought out by Starbucks. 1.2400 0.06532 75 62 8 5
2520 Yes jack? 1.2400 0.05644 75 59 14 2
2521 ...orange you glad I didn't say banana again? 1.2400 0.05527 100 82 12 6
2522 Our numbers are down this quarter. I’m afraid we’re in for a rough patch. 1.2400 0.05955 75 60 12 3
2523 Time to turn that frown upside down. 1.2400 0.05955 75 60 12 3
2524 Let’s try to get through this meeting before anyone starts rotting from the inside out. 1.2400 0.05315 75 58 16 1
2525 The new company jingle will be a cover of this Smashing Pumpkins hit song 1.2400 0.06250 75 61 10 4
2526 I'm told our interim CEO will be Ichabod Crane and that heads will roll 1.2400 0.05644 75 59 14 2
2527 We need to really light a fire in our employees this quarter. 1.2396 0.05287 96 77 15 4
2528 My goal was never to frighten you. 1.2394 0.05481 71 55 15 1
2529 Hey. I thought we were yams too. 1.2394 0.05836 71 56 13 2
2530 If I don't see a more positive attitude around here, you're all going to be out on the curb. 1.2394 0.06489 71 58 9 4
2531 We’ve decided to diversify. Several gourds, sweet potatoes and squashes will be joining the executive team. 1.2394 0.06792 71 59 7 5
2532 We decided to discontinue the latte 1.2394 0.05481 71 55 15 1
2533 You'd be smiling too if you were cut up for it! 1.2394 0.06172 71 57 11 3
2534 I’d give my mother for Fred’s pumpkin pie, and I did. 1.2394 0.06489 71 58 9 4
2535 Before we get started….. I know you have all been concerned about the recent cuts… 1.2394 0.05481 71 55 15 1
2536 Should we not meet our numbers, heads are going to pie. 1.2394 0.06792 71 59 7 5
2537 I’m frightened at the lack of diversity at this company 1.2394 0.05836 71 56 13 2
2538 In an effort to reduce our carbon footprint, we’re going flameless 1.2394 0.06172 71 57 11 3
2539 We will do well 1.2394 0.06172 71 57 11 3
2540 Phil, wipe that look off your face before I smash it 1.2394 0.06489 71 58 9 4
2541 This year the employee benefit scheme will include complimentary anti-ageing fertiliser cream. Remember the company motto: if you’re rotten on the inside, spray the fertiliser for a smile! 1.2394 0.05836 71 56 13 2
2542 I think we can all agree that our diversity, equity and inclusion programs have been a success. 1.2394 0.05481 71 55 15 1
2543 Whoa, I said you will all GET a piece of the pie, not BE a piece of the pie. 1.2394 0.05836 71 56 13 2
2544 'Revenues are down so let's carve out a happy face for investors this year. 1.2391 0.05212 92 73 16 3
2545 ...and after the Halloween party we'll all head over to the pie factory. 1.2391 0.05859 92 76 10 6
2546 As Pumpkin head, I officially declare that starting October 31st 2022, the term Jack o’Lantern is renamed Jack & Jill O’Lantern 1.2391 0.05436 92 74 14 4
2547 How about adding Election Eve? 1.2388 0.06049 67 53 12 2
2548 Jack,any strategy to eliminate redundancies at the company? 1.2388 0.06049 67 53 12 2
2549 Next time, let's play squash. 1.2388 0.05663 67 52 14 1
2550 I'm convinced most of you have squirrels for brains. 1.2388 0.06049 67 53 12 2
2551 Now we all look equal. 1.2388 0.06049 67 53 12 2
2552 'guys.. we need to talk about Kanye' 1.2388 0.06049 67 53 12 2
2553 You've all been invited to a lookalike contest of a former President. 1.2388 0.06755 67 55 8 4
2554 If our employees get their wish, Smashing Pumpkins will headline the company party. 1.2388 0.06049 67 53 12 2
2555 Don’t worry! I’m gonna turn everything upside down. 1.2388 0.06049 67 53 12 2
2556 You idiots have to come up with something better or heads will smash! 1.2388 0.05663 67 52 14 1
2557 We’re making some cuts around here and I don’t mean a new nostril. 1.2388 0.06412 67 54 10 3
2558 To assuage fears of layoffs, for next week's corporate party I've booked The Smashing Pumpkins. 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
2559 Welcome to the gourd-meeting. We meet before the holiday when some of you might feel empty headed. 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
2560 Any suggestions for where our “Creative Thinking 2023” workshop should be held? 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
2561 Guess what kind of pie chart we'll be sharing today?" 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
2562 And for Thanksgiving we can all wear helmets that look like turkeys 1.2386 0.05826 88 72 11 5
2563 Why am I the only smiley face? 1.2381 0.05253 84 66 16 2
2564 The profits of Big Pumpkin are forecast to increase 10,000% this week. 1.2381 0.06680 63 51 9 3
2565 Our October diversity survey results are in, and it doesn't look good. 1.2381 0.05253 84 66 16 2
2566 Heck, by the middle of November most of you would be rotting on the curb anyway. 1.2381 0.05253 84 66 16 2
2567 I brought you here today to talk about a hostile takeover of Thanksgiving. 1.2381 0.05409 63 48 15 0
2568 The Gourd Room 1.2381 0.06285 63 50 11 2
2569 Are we all feeling a bit light-headed? 1.2381 0.05519 84 67 14 3
2570 Tricks for thee, treats for me. 1.2381 0.05519 84 67 14 3
2571 On the bright side, we are a cut above the rest 1.2381 0.05863 63 49 13 1
2572 Heads will roll. 1.2381 0.06285 63 50 11 2
2573 We need to get carvative, spookiness is down globally this year. 1.2381 0.06680 63 51 9 3
2574 Gentlemen,today we vote on who gets to keep the name Jack. 1.2381 0.05773 84 68 12 4
2575 I'm being forced out. Jill O'Lantern starts on Monday. 1.2381 0.06017 84 69 10 5
2576 Great news! We have booked The Smashing Pumpkins to headline our annual meeting. 1.2381 0.06285 63 50 11 2
2577 Don't worry about the financials. After Halloween, none of us will be here. 1.2381 0.06285 63 50 11 2
2578 Anyone who says ‘Trick or Treat’ is fired 1.2381 0.05409 63 48 15 0
2579 Ok, so the “Frank O’lantern” rebranding effort doesn’t seem to be going very well”. 1.2381 0.05863 63 49 13 1
2580 And as my father used to say, 'A frown is just a smile turned upside down.'" 1.2381 0.05863 63 49 13 1
2581 The one month outlook on this plan is rotten. 1.2381 0.07053 63 52 7 4
2582 Is it quiet quitting, or burnout? 1.2381 0.06285 63 50 11 2
2583 A meeting of vegetative minds. 1.2381 0.04789 105 83 19 3
2584 Gentlemen, I am pleased to say that once again our October sales are through the roof! 1.2381 0.05773 84 68 12 4
2585 The motion calling for pumpkin spice lattes to be outlawed is hereby ratified. 1.2376 0.05103 101 81 16 4
2586 I say we should change "Peter, Peter pumpkin eater had wife and couldn't keep her." to "Peter Peter pumpkin leader had a wife who was a keeper." 1.2376 0.05477 101 83 12 6
2587 Guess who won the annual pumpkin carving contest again. 1.2375 0.05409 80 63 15 2
2588 I'm in the mood for a pumpkin spice latte. Any takers? 1.2375 0.05694 80 64 13 3
2589 Need some ideas people—if a light goes on in your head, speak up. 1.2375 0.05409 80 63 15 2
2590 Welcome to the first meeting of the Ichabods. Our first agenda item is: pumpkin spice season, where do we stand? 1.2375 0.05694 80 64 13 3
2591 Am I the only one here who notices Jerry, third from my right, has no peduncle? It's why I'm the boss and you're a bunch of airheads. 1.2375 0.05409 80 63 15 2
2592 We've been acquired by a Pie company! 1.2375 0.05409 80 63 15 2
2593 For the Board's annual photo, I want to see huge smiles. Like this." 1.2375 0.06225 80 66 9 5
2594 Who ordered the pumpkin pie? 1.2375 0.05965 80 65 11 4
2595 I thought we could work on our diversity problem together. 1.2375 0.05694 80 64 13 3
2596 Team, please all put your heads together and get the pie production back on track. 1.2375 0.06225 80 66 9 5
2597 I've decided on the bonuses. I get the treats. You get the tricks. 1.2375 0.05694 80 64 13 3
2598 Team - I'm sorry to say, come November 1 our presence in this organization is no longer needed. 1.2375 0.05694 80 64 13 3
2599 Here is my plan to "rebrand" candy corn. 1.2375 0.05694 80 64 13 3
2600 I think it’s an improvement 1.2373 0.06549 59 47 10 2
2601 All of you get a carving knife,and turn those frowns upside down! 1.2373 0.06549 59 47 10 2
2602 This is too much seed money 1.2373 0.06549 59 47 10 2
2603 Who turned out the light? 1.2373 0.06549 59 47 10 2
2604 Let’s carve those frowns upside down. We’ve got work to do. 1.2371 0.05029 97 77 17 3
2605 Stop looking at me like I'm out of my gourd. 1.2368 0.06453 76 63 8 5
2606 who's stupid idea was it to put lite candles in our heads 1.2368 0.05578 76 60 14 2
2607 How many pumpins does it take to come up with a resolution that will not be overturned by the ceo pumpkin. 1.2368 0.05578 76 60 14 2
2608 I need volunteers for the pumpkin pie eating contest. 1.2368 0.05254 76 59 16 1
2609 I'm as upset as you all are. Just can't show it. 1.2368 0.05884 76 61 12 3
2610 We need to figure out how to turn that frown upside down. 1.2368 0.05884 76 61 12 3
2611 Okay, everyone, we have to think outside the jack-o'-lantern this year 1.2368 0.05884 76 61 12 3
2612 Guys, who do you see in the mirror every morning when you wake up? 1.2368 0.05031 114 93 15 6
2613 But can we do it without our investors getting spooked? 1.2368 0.05578 76 60 14 2
2614 Who carved your frown upside down 1.2368 0.06175 76 62 10 4
2615 I hate always delivering bad news, but we lost Jack to the squirrels last night, and it’s November 1st, so you’re all fired. 1.2364 0.06337 55 43 11 1
2616 I’m resigning, I’m a shell of my former self 1.2361 0.05414 72 56 15 1
2617 Let’s face it - it’s time for greater variety of gourds on this Board. 1.2361 0.06407 72 59 9 4
2618 Anyone get a chance to read the article I sent you titled, 'Standing Out From the Herd?' 1.2361 0.05764 72 57 13 2
2619 Now how do we carve up this market? 1.2361 0.06094 72 58 11 3
2620 I'm pleased to announce that we've accepted the Spice Girls' offer. 1.2361 0.05764 72 57 13 2
2621 I’m sure a little cosmetic surgery will put a smile on your faces. 1.2361 0.06094 72 58 11 3
2622 HR and I have decided we need more spice on the board. 1.2361 0.06094 72 58 11 3
2623 According to corporate, overhead cuts will start November 1. 1.2361 0.05764 72 57 13 2
2624 Portrait photo of the annual November 1st meeting of the Trump Organization. 1.2361 0.06706 72 60 7 5
2625 We all need to get dental appointments. 1.2361 0.06094 72 58 11 3
2626 Are you telling me that if we cut the tops of our heads and pull out the seeds and roast them that we can sell them? I think we’re onto something here. 1.2361 0.06094 72 58 11 3
2627 We exceeded all revenue forecasts! Smashing! 1.2361 0.06094 72 58 11 3
2628 It’s just business. The Squirrels are willing to eat the 3 quarter losses 1.2361 0.05764 72 57 13 2
2629 Looks like I'm not the only thick-headed decision maker at this table. 1.2361 0.05764 72 57 13 2
2630 The year Halloween fell on a Monday 1.2361 0.05764 72 57 13 2
2631 This year’s initiative is sure to be a smash 1.2361 0.06407 72 59 9 4
2632 Let’s start our meeting today by turning our frowns upside down! 1.2360 0.05541 89 72 13 4
2633 So we will end the meeting now. Before the turkey meeting start. 1.2360 0.05305 89 71 15 3
2634 OK, let's put this damn Jane-O'Lantern proposal to a vote. 1.2358 0.04771 123 100 17 6
2635 Guess who is Donald 1.2353 0.05970 68 54 12 2
2636 I want all of you to put on a happy face. 1.2353 0.05970 68 54 12 2
2637 I'm happy to announce that we've successfully fought off the hostile takeover bid from Peter Peter, Inc. 1.2353 0.06664 68 56 8 4
2638 Now the culture warriors have accused our Board of lacking diversity. 1.2353 0.05712 85 69 12 4
2639 We have a traitor in our midst. One of you is not from the pumpkin patch. 1.2353 0.06327 68 55 10 3
2640 Now kids, when the orphanage comes looking for 10 missing little boys, you tell them that you dont know what they’re talking about and that you’re playing a fun game with daddy. Got it? 1.2353 0.05970 68 54 12 2
2641 I think we can all agree this is a gourd deal 1.2353 0.05590 68 53 14 1
2642 Let’s take a vote: pumpkin pie or apple pie. 1.2353 0.05461 85 68 14 3
2643 Pumpkin values have steadily rising in October and I see no end in sight! 1.2353 0.06327 68 55 10 3
2644 Our Diversity and Inclusion initiative has been a complete failure, but I love what I'm seeing in this room! 1.2353 0.05970 68 54 12 2
2645 As part of out cutbacks, we will be eliminating our Halloween party this year. 1.2353 0.05590 68 53 14 1
2646 Never forget, all of us began our uncarved life in a humble Halloween pumpkin patch. 1.2353 0.05970 68 54 12 2
2647 Sorry, your permanent frowns are an unacceptable corporate liability. 1.2353 0.05461 85 68 14 3
2648 After halloween you'll be replaced with Santas. 1.2353 0.05461 85 68 14 3
2649 Who wants to work on the canned campaign? 1.2353 0.05970 68 54 12 2
2650 We're going to be promoting mince pie this Thanksgiving 1.2353 0.05970 68 54 12 2
2651 Why all the sad faces, just because Jack lost his stem? 1.2353 0.05590 68 53 14 1
2652 Think long term. First we go after the Turkey and then we invade the North Pole. 1.2353 0.05198 85 67 16 2
2653 I'm happy to report that Holloween has been made a national holiday. 1.2353 0.05712 85 69 12 4
2654 I know most of you were hoping to work-from-doorstep this weekend but we’re going to need all gourds on deck 1.2353 0.05590 68 53 14 1
2655 Now I know inflation’s been tough but we’ve got to turn those frowns upside down. Look at me, I’m smilin’! Kevin…Cynthia…who’s with me? 1.2353 0.05970 68 54 12 2
2656 Consumer have finally started to put the candle-cut in the bottom instead of the top - does anybody want the update installed on Thursday” 1.2353 0.05590 68 53 14 1
2657 I'd like to announce the merger of our company with our long time rival, the Headless Horseman. 1.2353 0.05182 68 52 16 0
2658 Our job today...To remind everyone, pumpkin spice isn't just a flavor, but a way of life!!! 1.2353 0.06327 68 55 10 3
2659 Alright, what is our plan to mitigate the squirrel problem this quarter? 1.2353 0.06327 68 55 10 3
2660 I'm proud to announce that we are going into the spice business. 1.2348 0.04283 132 105 23 4
2661 The Gourd of Directors is awarding all of the bonus money to me. 1.2347 0.05389 98 80 13 5
2662 I'm giving all of you off for Halloween. 1.2346 0.05630 81 65 13 3
2663 The economy is fine. It’s the firecrackers that worry me. 1.2346 0.05349 81 64 15 2
2664 This is happy news. So why do you guys look like you're ready to carve me up. 1.2346 0.05349 81 64 15 2
2665 This quarter has been a smashing success. 1.2346 0.05349 81 64 15 2
2666 So we're agreed. This year we're going to cream the mashed potatoes, burn the cornbread, and squeeze the cranberry sauce for all it's worth. 1.2346 0.05349 81 64 15 2
2667 Our stock just went up, it’s that season again! 1.2346 0.05349 81 64 15 2
2668 One way or another we're going to get canned. 1.2346 0.05349 81 64 15 2
2669 And I don’t want to see any pie charts!” 1.2346 0.05630 81 65 13 3
2670 Now that we've carved out our positions, we can proceed with the reorg. 1.2346 0.05349 81 64 15 2
2671 This year’s officeHalloween party will be great! Costumes, candy and a live band called….. Oh no. 1.2346 0.06400 81 68 7 6
2672 ..and that’s how we’re going to carve out a bright future for the company, by putting on a cheerful face to the world! 1.2346 0.05349 81 64 15 2
2673 Much better. 1.2346 0.05053 81 63 17 1
2674 so how are we planning on dealing with the Christmas corps hostel takeover? I saw Christmas trees up in September! 1.2346 0.05630 81 65 13 3
2675 Just when we think we are getting done wearing masks, BAM 1.2344 0.06585 64 52 9 3
2676 Cheer up! The Christmas committee is getting JINGLE BALLS! 1.2344 0.06585 64 52 9 3
2677 Okay team, we will not see each other after this month 1.2344 0.06197 64 51 11 2
2678 This is our season. Enough with the frowns already! 1.2344