Contest #822


Cartoon

822

The winning captions

These captions are chosen by The New Yorker.

  1. “Goodnight, trees, goodnight, dirt. Goodnight, human race on the earth.”
  2. “O.K., time to go to sleep. We’ve got a long trip ahead of us tomorrow.”
  3. “Would you like me to read it or just implant it in your head?”


Name Value
Submission deadline 2022-10-09T21:43:00.000Z
Voting started -
Voting ended 2022-10-23T22:33:00.000Z
Finalists announced 2022-10-17T22:32:00.000Z
Magazine(s) announcing finalists issued October 24, 2022
Number of captions 4718
Number of responses 687072
Number of participants -


Dashboard

In this table, the "mean" means the empirically measured average funniness score when the "unfunny", "somewhat funny" and "funny" receive a funniness score of 1, 2, 3 respectively. "Precison" is the standard error of the mean, the standard deviation of the mean estimate. With that, a caption with an empirical mean μ and precision σ has true mean in the range [μ - 2σ, μ + 2σ] with 95% probability by the 68-95-99.7 rule assuming the responses are indepedent and identically distributed.

Rank Caption Mean Precision Total votes "Unfunny" votes "Somewhat funny" votes "Funny" votes
0 …but the third planet was juuuuust right! 1.7443 0.01266 3883 1831 1214 838
1 No, no, no, darling. You weren’t adopted … you were abducted. 1.7411 0.01702 2186 1048 656 482
2 I should mention at this point that H.G. Wells was wrong about a lot of stuff. 1.7400 0.02023 1400 630 504 266
3 Actually, you're the result of a close encounter of the first kind. 1.7242 0.01785 2027 1011 564 452
4 And when she woke up nobody believed her. The end. 1.7130 0.01507 2617 1261 846 510
5 It's called 'Goodnight Earth.' 1.7112 0.01845 1766 859 558 349
6 Goodnight air and space, goodnight human race. 1.6747 0.02341 1119 584 315 220
7 Yes dear, I am a legal alien. 1.6702 0.01568 2426 1255 716 455
8 Well for us "An Introduction to the Atomic and Molecular Physics of Astronomical Spectroscopy" is a children's book. 1.6660 0.01916 1527 768 501 258
9 OK, time to go to sleep. We've got a long trip ahead of us tomorrow. 1.6653 0.01354 3095 1569 993 533
10 This Dr. Seuss guy is really out there. 1.6650 0.01544 2439 1254 748 437
11 I don’t know why you keep asking if you’re adopted. 1.6624 0.01650 2168 1129 642 397
12 Would you like me to read it or just implant it in your head? 1.6623 0.01545 2390 1221 755 414
13 Ok, one more. Then will you take me to your leader? 1.6612 0.01571 2397 1252 705 440
14 Goodnight window, goodnight room, Goodnight earthling who is doomed. 1.6580 0.01886 1693 898 476 319
15 It must be a bit of a shock to see mummy without her makeup on. 1.6559 0.02823 776 419 205 152
16 Don’t mind me. The closet and under the bed were already taken. 1.6476 0.01796 1700 871 557 272
17 "I'll read one more, but then we really have to go up" 1.6455 0.01843 1594 814 531 249
18 Yes, that's right. Elon Musk is one of us. 1.6400 0.01715 1914 1007 589 318
19 This is a book about alien life styles. Listen carefully because by next month it will be banned in Florida. 1.6378 0.01931 1604 875 435 294
20 Would you prefer something a little more down to Earth? 1.6356 0.01673 1995 1053 616 326
21 I guess your parents shouldn’t have advertised for an au pair in the Roswell newspaper. 1.6307 0.01671 2039 1096 600 343
22 There may be a couple of minutes of this story you won't remember. 1.6261 0.01576 2193 1160 693 340
23 Don't worry. You are not alone. 1.6143 0.01907 1457 775 469 213
24 And that's how people became food for thought. 1.6124 0.02015 1388 764 398 226
25 Your journal is about to get much more interesting. 1.6099 0.01546 2202 1176 709 317
26 Yeah, well, we can't all be E.T., kid. You're no Drew Barrymore yourself. 1.6041 0.01882 1609 903 440 266
27 It’s a good plot but the visitors are rather three dimensional, don’t you think? 1.6010 0.01890 1436 769 471 196
28 This one will be a little more down to earth. 1.5992 0.01835 1532 825 496 211
29 And after the total annihilation of the human race the world lived happily ever after. 1.5969 0.02174 1171 655 333 183
30 We actually don't "phone home." That's so Earth. 1.5806 0.02480 844 470 258 116
31 Now go to sleep, or I'll have to summon the mothership. 1.5805 0.01605 2186 1266 571 349
32 Once upon a time,on a planet far, far away…… 1.5706 0.01903 1381 769 436 176
33 Tell me the truth… did I go too far with the eyes on the last procedure? 1.5685 0.01959 1474 872 366 236
34 Well, your father is from Minnesota and I am from the third moon of planet 3x4i3K. Why? 1.5661 0.01895 1369 762 439 168
35 This recipe calls for two medium humans. Is anyone else home? 1.5656 0.01889 1471 844 422 205
36 …But the third planet in the solar system was just right. 1.5633 0.01442 2581 1502 704 375
37 Should I do the voices? 1.5629 0.03174 556 330 139 87
38 Don't blame me that your parents got a sitter online. 1.5581 0.01612 2356 1471 455 430
39 The first planet was much too cold. The second planet was much too hot. But the third planet was juuust right. 1.5545 0.01592 2139 1268 556 315
40 Adopted? No, you were abducted. 1.5498 0.01927 1526 930 353 243
41 Now who’s been telling you that both your mommies should come from the same galaxy? That’s simply cosmophobic 1.5473 0.02082 1184 693 334 157
42 Now, tell me if it starts getting too scary. 1.5462 0.02002 1212 694 374 144
43 Never once have we said, " take me to your leader". What an outrageous fairytale. 1.5419 0.02059 1146 661 349 136
44 So millions of your species follow this book as moral authority?!?!?! 1.5411 0.02133 1168 701 302 165
45 Get ready for a story that is out of this world. 1.5403 0.02052 1129 647 354 128
46 It’s a kid’s cookbook, but it’s not FOR kids if you get my drift. 1.5348 0.02217 1021 604 288 129
47 If it's any comfort, the dinosaurs didn't see it coming either. 1.5329 0.01877 1443 861 395 187
48 I understand sweetheart...a family history can be eye-opening. 1.5274 0.02209 986 580 292 114
49 Now let’s talk about the fairy tales on cable news. 1.5272 0.02283 975 587 262 126
50 Would you feel more comfortable if I put some clothes on? 1.5262 0.01935 1372 831 360 181
51 Still not sleepy? OK, last one. Once upon a time 13.8 billion years ago... 1.5262 0.02199 975 570 297 108
52 I say he marries her just to get his Green Card. 1.5243 0.02297 885 517 272 96
53 Now here’s an interesting recipe. 1.5196 0.02040 1253 772 311 170
54 This one's about a little boy who becomes stranded on a strange planet and is befriended by an alien named Elliott. 1.5150 0.02380 835 498 244 93
55 Your diary's about to become much more interesting. 1.5140 0.02062 1107 660 325 122
56 Honey, why ever would you think you’re adopted? 1.5130 0.02158 1115 693 272 150
57 Well dear I'm your Auntie on your mother's side, one thousand times removed. 1.5093 0.02431 803 484 229 90
58 Don’t worry, darling. “To Serve Man” is now regarded as more of an owner’s manual, and less of a cookbook. 1.5041 0.02548 740 452 203 85
59 Once upon a time in Roswell, New Mexico... 1.5038 0.02183 1052 654 266 132
60 Tell me, Miss Havisham… does the medication seem to be helping? 1.5000 0.02590 732 454 190 88
61 The part in your diary where you think Aliens are watching you is hilarious. 1.4962 0.02337 915 575 226 114
62 Don’t worry honey. When you reach puberty you’ll look like all the rest of us. 1.4923 0.03068 520 326 132 62
63 So,after my alien reassignment surgery,I became your mother. Any questions,Jeffrey? 1.4891 0.02753 640 402 163 75
64 …and the third planet she tried was just right 1.4883 0.02402 858 544 209 105
65 Don't worry, the crew should have your folks back in no time. 1.4872 0.02443 823 521 203 99
66 Evidently all these fun bedtime stories end with small children being devoured. Let’s try this one… 1.4857 0.02746 628 393 165 70
67 Goodnight moon. Goodnight other moon. 1.4842 0.02453 793 499 204 90
68 There's nothing like a captive audience. 1.4825 0.02613 742 479 168 95
69 Goodbye, moon. 1.4821 0.03482 392 247 101 44
70 Good night moon. Good night galaxies. Good night electromagnetic radiation. Good night dark matter. Good night vast emptiness everywhere. 1.4780 0.02623 751 492 159 100
71 Your parents must have really wanted to keep that reservation. 1.4776 0.02602 735 475 169 91
72 ...and that's how I met your mother. 1.4775 0.02539 754 483 182 89
73 Sure, you can sleep in your Halloween costume, dear. 1.4743 0.02662 721 473 154 94
74 ... Goodnight Ganymede... Goodnight Io... Goodnight S/2003 J2... 1.4706 0.03072 510 329 122 59
75 You better Ace this astronomy test tomorrow. 1.4701 0.02991 502 316 136 50
76 Your parents should be returned shortly. 1.4696 0.02677 675 437 159 79
77 Interesting that your diary mentions your fear of intruders 1.4695 0.02849 524 324 154 46
78 I've always felt Goodnight Earth was more interesting. 1.4691 0.02955 501 313 141 47
79 So which moon are we saying ‘good night’ to? 1.4686 0.02747 621 398 155 68
80 My favorite as a kid was “Goodnight Earth” 1.4685 0.02654 683 442 162 79
81 Good night Mars, Good night air, Good night abductees everywhere. 1.4685 0.02707 651 420 157 74
82 The ad your mom placed said she was looking for a babysitter who was, "out of this world." 1.4628 0.02774 646 427 139 80
83 No, honey, you are not adopted. You were abducted. 1.4626 0.02734 642 419 149 74
84 What makes you think you’re adopted, honey? 1.4606 0.02807 597 388 143 66
85 What do the little dots and scratchings signify?” 1.4605 0.02989 595 405 106 84
86 That's enough. We have an early flight tomorrow. 1.4597 0.02719 583 368 162 53
87 Back in my day it was ‘Goodnight Earth.’ 1.4580 0.02792 607 397 142 68
88 Would you prefer something more down to earth? 1.4553 0.02867 571 374 134 63
89 Goodnight 79 Moons of Jupiter. 1.4544 0.02650 614 391 167 56
90 Abducted? No, you were adopted 1.4541 0.02898 577 383 126 68
91 Let’s beam up where we left off. 1.4531 0.03023 576 395 101 80
92 Oh, the places you'll go! 1.4509 0.02978 519 340 124 55
93 The good news for you is that there’s no monster under your bed. 1.4482 0.02760 560 359 151 50
94 Weird. Of Mice and Men was the title of my biology textbook on dissection. 1.4466 0.02955 506 329 128 49
95 I hope you like surprise endings. 1.4464 0.03139 560 395 80 85
96 On my planet, very hungry caterpillars eat children. 1.4459 0.02892 518 335 135 48
97 Your mother said that rather than hide under your bed, I should read to you. 1.4457 0.04389 258 175 51 32
98 What makes you think you're adopted? 1.4451 0.03032 537 364 107 66
99 ...and when the humans fell asleep, we ate them. The end. 1.4448 0.02980 571 391 106 74
100 And that’s how we discovered the tiny, insignificant, speck of dust called Earth. The end. 1.4446 0.02872 542 355 133 54
101 We certainly hope you’re feeling at home now. 1.4426 0.03224 418 272 107 39
102 Let’s do a little bedtime story while your parents are being examined. 1.4422 0.03012 536 363 109 64
103 The cow jumped over the moon? That’s not how I remember it. 1.4411 0.03081 492 329 109 54
104 This one’s my favorite—Goodnight Moons. 1.4392 0.05771 148 101 29 18
105 Goodnight Moon is more poignant when you’ve got family there. 1.4391 0.03184 476 323 97 56
106 Say 'Good night, moon.' We blow it up tomorrow. 1.4390 0.03047 508 342 109 57
107 Of course a lot is lost in translation 1.4382 0.02919 477 306 133 38
108 ...and as fate would have it, their leader was a total idiot. 1.4380 0.03417 379 250 92 37
109 And that's the story of how I met your mother 1.4378 0.03140 482 326 101 55
110 I assumed this guy Hawking was a children's author. 1.4365 0.03138 488 332 99 57
111 Goodnight stars, goodnight air, goodnight Earthlings everywhere. 1.4354 0.02922 503 330 127 46
112 And that’s how we faked the moon landing. 1.4353 0.02977 487 320 122 45
113 Human stories keep me up at night, too. 1.4351 0.03038 501 337 110 54
114 Adopted? Why do you ask? 1.4351 0.03167 462 311 101 50
115 No, honey. Of course you weren't adopted! 1.4337 0.03032 505 341 109 55
116 Goodnight, Earth" is one of my all-time favorites 1.4332 0.02901 524 348 125 51
117 We could get to the end much faster if we did this telepathically. 1.4330 0.03031 448 291 120 37
118 On behalf of the Moon, I’m just here to finally wish YOU a good night. 1.4330 0.03269 448 306 90 52
119 Oh, this is a good one. It’s called War of the Worlds. 1.4327 0.03196 453 306 98 49
120 This is the story of how I met your mother. 1.4326 0.03100 460 306 109 45
121 Of course you’re not adopted, what makes you say that? 1.4321 0.03139 449 299 106 44
122 Once upon a time doesn’t exist. 1.4314 0.03092 452 299 111 42
123 but it was just a weather balloon. The End. 1.4312 0.03121 494 339 97 58
124 I've been there and trust me, men are not from Mars nor are women from Venus 1.4301 0.03149 465 315 100 50
125 Your periodic table is hilarious 1.4299 0.03285 442 303 88 51
126 'It's a cookbook!' she screamed. The end. 1.4293 0.03473 382 259 82 41
127 ...and she said, 'Why grandma, what big eyes you have!' 1.4292 0.03190 445 300 99 46
128 It is a cookbook … why do you ask? 1.4286 0.03129 469 318 101 50
129 ...and that was the end of mankind. The End. 1.4286 0.03297 448 310 84 54
130 What? Of course you’re not abduct…adopted, darling. 1.4283 0.03200 446 302 97 47
131 Your parents wanted an au pair who could bring an outside perspective. 1.4282 0.03282 425 288 92 45
132 Are you sure you don’t want to take off your costume before I read you a story? 1.4276 0.03158 463 315 98 50
133 And he tried to phone home but couldn't get any bars. 1.4274 0.03059 468 313 110 45
134 Of course not! Why would you ask if you were adopted? 1.4270 0.03098 466 314 105 47
135 See Jane run. 1.4260 0.03426 392 267 83 42
136 Your parents are not coming home anytime soon. In fact, the next time you see them, they'll be younger than you." 1.4253 0.03211 475 331 86 58
137 Goodnight moon, goodnight air, goodnight humans everywhere. 1.4237 0.03153 439 295 102 42
138 Alright, sweetie. Mommy promises no more plastic surgery. 1.4236 0.03449 432 307 67 58
139 It's called Mankind. You'll love how it ends. 1.4235 0.03245 425 288 94 43
140 This L Ron Hubbard guy doesn't know diddly! 1.4226 0.03577 336 225 80 31
141 What big eyes you have,' said the specimen. 1.4226 0.03150 452 307 99 46
142 And, not to be hyper-technical, but the cow actually orbited the moon. 1.4225 0.03389 426 298 76 52
143 You should try counting cows. 1.4223 0.03446 457 332 57 68
144 Strange. Back home the story of Bzz!k's dismemberment puts the young ones right to sleep. 1.4217 0.03490 351 235 84 32
145 Your mom has found it hard to find locals willing to work. 1.4208 0.03150 423 282 104 37
146 I wrote this next poem when I was going through a bad breakup. I know some of the concepts don’t translate to Earthling, but try listening with your heart instead of your ears. 1.4206 0.03501 359 243 81 35
147 We'll leave as soon as I finish Men are from Mars women are from Venus. 1.4206 0.03244 428 292 92 44
148 No you're not adopted, why do you ask? 1.4190 0.03252 401 269 96 36
149 Once upon a space/time continuum... 1.4188 0.03467 382 263 78 41
150 Goodnight trees, goodnight dirt. Goodnight human race on the earth. 1.4176 0.03288 443 310 81 52
151 This one's called Goodbye, Earth. 1.4167 0.03321 420 291 83 46
152 The end. Time for me to get back under your bed. 1.4159 0.03238 416 283 93 40
153 No, dear, it's because Mommy adopted you from the ruined shell of a failed planet. 1.4152 0.03362 395 271 84 40
154 Well, where I come from we have a lot of moons to say goodnight to. 1.4151 0.03439 383 264 79 40
155 And then a big ship came and took her from her bed. The end. 1.4151 0.03420 436 313 65 58
156 Bear with me; English isn't my first language. 1.4141 0.03082 425 283 108 34
157 And goodnight spaceship overhead, And goodnight alien by my bed 1.4133 0.03450 375 258 79 38
158 Open books open minds. 1.4130 0.03581 368 258 68 42
159 ...And that's how the Martians conquered your civilization and enslaved all of humankind. Nite-nite. 1.4122 0.03325 410 284 83 43
160 If I were Goldilocks, I would have abducted the three bears. 1.4118 0.03573 391 280 61 50
161 Huh. In our version ET is just called Doug. 1.4106 0.03589 358 250 69 39
162 In a galaxy not so far away. 1.4090 0.03649 335 232 69 34
163 Yes honey, I am an alien but I’m legal. I was born in Roswell. 1.4076 0.03318 395 272 85 38
164 This one's about a mommy whose cosmetic surgeon wasn't board certified. 1.4074 0.03480 351 240 79 32
165 Shouldn’t you be under the bed? 1.4073 0.03270 383 259 92 32
166 Adopted, why would you even think that? 1.4069 0.03418 376 260 79 37
167 It doesn't say how the jumping cow achieved escape velocity from earth. 1.4067 0.03491 359 248 76 35
168 Thanks for supporting universal literacy. 1.4063 0.03647 347 244 65 38
169 It was a dark and stormy galaxy... 1.4063 0.03357 379 260 84 35
170 and then ET said.. " If I could have another day with my new earthly family.. I would be in a SEQUEL.." 1.4059 0.03534 340 233 76 31
171 All the humans were dead, the sun came out and planet earth lived happily ever after. The end. 1.4056 0.03564 355 248 70 37
172 Good night. I’ll go back under your bed now. 1.4051 0.03600 311 210 76 25
173 Your dad and I had a close encounter…..of the third kind. 1.4045 0.03467 398 284 67 47
174 01001111 01101110 01100011 01100101 00100000 01110101 01110000 01101111 01101110 00100000 01100001 00100000 01110100 01101001 01101101 01100101 1.4041 0.03779 339 243 55 41
175 Then Little Red Riding Hood said "Grandma, what big eyes you have." 1.4036 0.03341 394 274 81 39
176 Not to worry--all kids your age think their parents must have come from some other planet. 1.4031 0.03294 392 270 86 36
177 Storytime is over, we have a big trip in the morning 1.4027 0.03434 370 257 77 36
178 After the story is over, I'll go back under the bed. 1.4026 0.03326 390 270 83 37
179 …The end. Okay, back under the bed for me.” 1.4017 0.03440 356 245 79 32
180 This book is banned on my planet. 1.4006 0.03353 362 247 85 30
181 She looks carefully and says "Grandma, what big eyes you have." 1.4005 0.03262 397 274 87 36
182 Would you like me to use your mother’s voice? 1.4000 0.03542 335 231 74 30
183 Don’t worry. Mommy will be back tomorrow after her checkup. 1.3994 0.03495 348 241 75 32
184 My version is Good Night 10 Moons. 1.3994 0.03507 343 237 75 31
185 It was a dark and stormy night in Area 51... 1.3988 0.03665 341 242 62 37
186 You shouldn't be afraid of me, it says here that we are inferior. A bald statement coming from someone who destroys their own planet. 1.3981 0.03600 324 224 71 29
187 It's not called good night earth. 1.3981 0.03474 319 215 81 23
188 It was then that the space alien said to the children, "We had no choice. We could see who was going to run for office in 2024." 1.3977 0.03511 352 246 72 34
189 I bet your other babysitters don't have crop circle manuals.” 1.3977 0.03394 352 241 82 29
190 Feeling alienated? 1.3977 0.03537 342 238 72 32
191 A long time ago in a galaxy far, far closer than you think... 1.3974 0.03385 380 266 77 37
192 Tell me the one where you abduct all the Republicans again. 1.3971 0.03724 345 249 55 41
193 This one's called 'Goodnight, Earth.' 1.3969 0.03304 383 265 84 34
194 Ok are you ready for the scary part? 1.3961 0.03294 356 241 89 26
195 Spoiler alert: it didn’t end well for the human. 1.3957 0.03414 369 258 76 35
196 That's funny. When I was your age, it was called "Goodnight, Earth." 1.3935 0.03588 338 238 67 33
197 Do you mind if I eat this book? 1.3934 0.03454 366 258 72 36
198 Your mom asked me to come; she says you’ve been feeling alienated lately. 1.3931 0.03505 318 217 77 24
199 There once was a little girl, who knew too much. 1.3929 0.03554 336 235 70 31
200 I like the part where the little girl says, "They're here." 1.3923 0.03481 339 235 75 29
201 It's time you know. You're adopted. 1.3920 0.03776 324 233 55 36
202 Oh! I forgot. The Moon says "back atcha, Bro." 1.3915 0.04063 258 181 53 24
203 What makes you think you're adopted, Dear? 1.3914 0.03646 304 210 69 25
204 It's called The Invasion of The Election Deniers . 1.3912 0.03785 317 227 56 34
205 The Aliens lived happily ever after, not so much for the Humans. 1.3902 0.03562 328 229 70 29
206 What I like about reading is that it takes you to another world. 1.3899 0.03668 318 224 64 30
207 Good night moon is my favorite too! 1.3893 0.03993 280 200 51 29
208 Adopted? Why would you think that sweetie 1.3882 0.03660 322 228 63 31
209 This is the only job I could find. I'm undocumented. 1.3868 0.03638 318 224 65 29
210 Your parents went up for the evening. 1.3866 0.03538 313 216 73 24
211 No, I’m not from France. 1.3865 0.03652 326 232 62 32
212 Body snatchers, my favorite chapter. 1.3864 0.03548 308 212 73 23
213 If we said good night to every moon on Jupiter, we'd be at it all night. 1.3858 0.03615 324 229 65 30
214 Would you prefer if I go back under the bed? 1.3855 0.03628 332 237 62 33
215 You think this is scary…you’ve obviously never been to a MAGA rally 1.3844 0.03778 320 232 53 35
216 We came to destroy Earth's atmosphere and rule you all oppressively, but your parents had already voted for that... 1.3841 0.03860 302 218 52 32
217 I’ll postpone your abduction until tomorrow night. This book is pretty good. 1.3836 0.03496 318 220 74 24
218 See? Now isn't this better than me being under the bed? 1.3835 0.03900 279 198 55 26
219 Alien, Alien what do you see? I see a little boy coming with me. 1.3834 0.03826 326 240 47 39
220 Once upon a fourth dimension... 1.3824 0.03543 319 223 70 26
221 Want to know how we rigged the elections? 1.3824 0.03959 306 226 43 37
222 Okay, one more. But then it's time for abduction. 1.3815 0.03441 325 225 76 24
223 Your parents wanted to expose you to other cultures. 1.3813 0.03450 320 221 76 23
224 Tonight, we have a new book to read - "Goodnight Mars". 1.3804 0.03405 326 225 78 23
225 Your mom and I have decided that I should play a bigger role in your life son. 1.3801 0.03644 292 203 67 22
226 It’s an award-winning favorite where I come from. It’s called ‘Good Night Moons.’ 1.3797 0.03712 295 208 62 25
227 Oh honey , there are no monsters UNDER your bed 1.3796 0.03446 324 225 75 24
228 And that's how I met your Uncle Elon. 1.3791 0.03915 277 198 53 26
229 ...goodnight moon, goodnight stars, goodnight earth! 1.3790 0.03551 314 220 69 25
230 I thought we would start with the Martian Chronicles. 1.3774 0.03601 318 226 64 28
231 This part always makes me cry. "Phone ... home. Phone ... home." 1.3773 0.03484 326 229 71 26
232 Do you want me to do the voices? 1.3766 0.03655 308 219 62 27
233 I'm pinch hitting for E.T.. He went home. 1.3766 0.03532 316 222 69 25
234 You know this ends badly, right? 1.3758 0.03612 306 216 65 25
235 That's all for tonight. I'm on cow duty.” 1.3757 0.03739 338 251 47 40
236 The cow goes moo, moo, aargh! 1.3754 0.03900 317 237 41 39
237 Not so long ago, in a galaxy a lot closer than you might think ... 1.3750 0.03658 304 216 62 26
238 Ooh...this is the best part. Where the earthlings think we're friendly. 1.3750 0.03802 288 206 56 26
239 Of course I’m your real mom! 1.3750 0.03770 288 205 58 25
240 It says right here that men are from Mars and women are from Venus 1.3750 0.03687 304 217 60 27
241 For the last time there are no monsters under the bed 1.3741 0.03842 270 191 57 22
242 We are collecting banned books from Earth for our museum of "Everything Went Wrong from This Point." 1.3737 0.03791 289 207 56 26
243 Would you rather have me under the bed or up here reading to you? 1.3729 0.03704 295 210 60 25
244 Goodnight Moon. Goodbye Earth. 1.3728 0.03777 287 205 57 25
245 You call this sci fi? 1.3725 0.03609 306 217 64 25
246 You want me to check for parents under your bed again? 1.3722 0.03727 309 224 55 30
247 Yes honey. You are adopted. But we love all our children the same. 1.3721 0.03498 344 248 64 32
248 Do you find this alienating? 1.3712 0.03542 299 209 69 21
249 Since you’re so keen on book banning, I thought I’d fill you in on the 42 genders on my planet before your next school board meeting. 1.3709 0.03789 275 195 58 22
250 Believe me, my stories are out of this world. 1.3707 0.03710 294 210 59 25
251 Goodnight craters, good night dunes Good night volcanoes Good night two moons 1.3705 0.03759 278 197 59 22
252 Finding a sitter on Saturday night is almost impossible. Your parents had to look far and wide! 1.3699 0.03631 292 206 64 22
253 The best part is that your parents will never believe you 1.3698 0.03735 311 227 53 31
254 Long, long ago in a galaxy far, far away... 1.3689 0.03695 309 224 56 29
255 ... and they lived happily ever after. Well, I guess it's time for me to get back under your bed now. 1.3687 0.03683 320 234 54 32
256 Once upon a time, there was a town named Roswell ... 1.3686 0.03866 274 197 53 24
257 And that's the story of how I met Mr. Musk. 1.3682 0.03781 296 215 53 28
258 ...And a picture of a cow jumping over Kepler-1606b. 1.3682 0.03869 277 200 52 25
259 Do you really want to know how it ends? 1.3681 0.03495 288 199 72 17
260 Actually, where I’m from, it’s called “Goodnight moons”. 1.3676 0.04244 253 188 37 28
261 This one is called “Goodnight Earth/Goodbye Earth” 1.3671 0.03844 286 208 51 27
262 Remember, If anyone asks, i'm your imaginary freind. 1.3670 0.03864 267 191 54 22
263 The next story is called "Oh, the Places You'll Go!" 1.3669 0.04073 248 179 47 22
264 Okay son, now sleep tight and dream of flying in space tonight. 1.3669 0.03782 248 172 61 15
265 A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away . . . . 1.3667 0.03833 270 193 55 22
266 Mind if I read you some of my poetry while we wait for the probing crew? 1.3664 0.04098 262 193 42 27
267 Don't worry I'm not an illegal Alien 1.3663 0.04091 243 175 47 21
268 They send us to poor planets to help pad our high school credits 1.3662 0.03895 284 208 48 28
269 Don't worry, it's just a dream. 1.3651 0.03525 304 215 67 22
270 I fly the saucers in the air In fact I fly them everywhere I often fly them them late at night Or when the sun is shining bright I once flew over Hoover Dam I like to fly them, ET I am… 1.3651 0.03984 252 181 50 21
271 If you'd prefer, I can do this telepathically. 1.3649 0.03409 285 195 76 14
272 Don't worry, I'm here to abduct Marjorie Taylor Greene. 1.3647 0.04222 266 201 33 32
273 Good bye ocean,good bye air, good bye earthlings everywhere. 1.3646 0.03884 288 212 47 29
274 This sci-fi is completely unrealistic. 1.3645 0.03719 299 217 55 27
275 Good night, Mars. Good night, probing chair. Good night, human specimens everywhere. 1.3643 0.03911 269 195 50 24
276 And then it ate her. The end. 1.3639 0.03733 294 213 55 26
277 Adopted? Who gave you that idea? 1.3630 0.03792 270 193 56 21
278 You think I’m weird. Don’t even think about looking under the bed 1.3630 0.03755 270 192 58 20
279 Being and Nothingness by Jean Paul Sartre, chapter 1. 1.3629 0.03905 259 186 52 21
280 ... and she was abducted by aliens and lived happily ever after 1.3626 0.03971 273 201 45 27
281 You are too old for Hans Christian Anderson. Let's read something from Tucker Carlson." 1.3621 0.04043 243 175 48 20
282 . . . and her family never heard from her again. The End. 1.3617 0.03811 282 205 52 25
283 And now, 'Goodnight Moon,' or as we call it, 'Goodnight Celestial Object 191289b.' 1.3612 0.04197 227 164 44 19
284 A talking bear, imagine that! 1.3612 0.03958 227 159 54 14
285 And this planet was toooooo hot 1.3611 0.04018 252 183 47 22
286 Once upon a time......in a a far away galaxy. 1.3607 0.03588 280 197 65 18
287 I was there, the cow never jumped over the moon. 1.3603 0.03696 272 193 60 19
288 My parents are so embarrassing...they act like they're not even from this planet. 1.3602 0.04212 211 150 46 15
289 And then, it claims, a cow jumped over the moon. 1.3601 0.03835 286 210 49 27
290 How can anyone believe this crap? 1.3600 0.03879 275 201 49 25
291 We’ll start with “Goodnight Moon.” 1.3600 0.03913 275 202 47 26
292 Look, it's either me or the monster under your bed. 1.3594 0.03751 281 203 55 23
293 Tomorrow, we’ll identify that flying object. 1.3594 0.03773 256 181 58 17
294 Once upon a time in the not too distant future. 1.3593 0.03999 270 200 43 27
295 Ok, now we come to the really scary part. 1.3589 0.03694 287 207 57 23
296 And little Sarah's room looked exactly like it did on earth. Isn't that lovely? 1.3586 0.03823 251 178 56 17
297 I'm sorry but where I come from there are no happy endings. 1.3584 0.03734 279 201 56 22
298 Well, it's not scary where I come from 1.3582 0.03768 268 192 56 20
299 Okay honey, now it’s time to take off your Halloween costume and go to sleep 1.3574 0.04306 235 175 36 24
300 Good night, Earth” it is 1.3574 0.03843 249 177 55 17
301 And thats the story of how I came to earth and met your mother! 1.3569 0.03697 297 217 54 26
302 One more page and then I must get back to the invasion 1.3569 0.03902 269 197 48 24
303 How about some H. G. Wells tonight? 1.3569 0.03860 255 183 53 19
304 Goodbye earth, goodbye air, goodbye noises everywhere. 1.3564 0.03673 289 209 57 23
305 Your father Elon hired me. 1.3563 0.03950 261 191 47 23
306 You're really going to have to suspend your disbelief for this one. 1.3551 0.03687 276 198 58 20
307 Chapter 19, 'Covid' 1.3551 0.03930 276 205 44 27
308 Get a good night's sleep. We have a long trip tomorrow. 1.3550 0.03747 262 187 57 18
309 You've mistaken me for an alien. I'm actually a Republican. 1.3548 0.04518 217 163 31 23
310 Wow, this bedtime story is really out of this world, don’t you think? 1.3548 0.03975 248 180 48 20
311 This story is by Rod Serling 1.3542 0.03697 271 194 58 19
312 And that's how I abducted your mother. 1.3538 0.03804 260 187 54 19
313 We were created by the Highest God. Humans were created by His incompetent nephew. 1.3537 0.04296 229 170 37 22
314 Goodnight second moon. 1.3529 0.04068 221 158 48 15
315 Why do they call this science fiction? 1.3529 0.03648 272 194 60 18
316 Don't blame your parents: babysitters are really hard to get these days. 1.3527 0.03783 258 185 55 18
317 I've actually told the moon, 'Goodnight.'" 1.3525 0.04100 244 180 42 22
318 Now you know what it feels like to alienated. 1.3510 0.04127 245 182 40 23
319 Okay, one more story but then you really need to beam up. 1.3510 0.03789 245 174 56 15
320 There’s no intelligent life on your planet if this guy’s a doctor. 1.3504 0.04077 274 209 34 31
321 And that, kid, is how I met your father. 1.3502 0.03869 257 187 50 20
322 You want the light on or off? 1.3500 0.03974 240 174 48 18
323 Yes, it's a cookbook." 1.3496 0.03906 246 178 50 18
324 You just tell that bully that your dad is proud to be an alien, and if he doesn't like it, I'd be happy to vaporize his dad. 1.3493 0.04153 229 168 42 19
325 And the little girl didn't remember a thing when she woke up in the morning. 1.3492 0.03799 252 181 54 17
326 Goodnight Crop Circles. Goodnight Roswell. Goodnight ship jumping over the radar detectors 1.3487 0.03939 261 193 45 23
327 And everyone lived happily ever after, except the humans. 1.3485 0.03782 241 171 56 14
328 Then, our spacecraft with the kids safely onboard, managed to flee Earth and consequently a book was written and a movie was made about it. 1.3484 0.03883 244 176 51 17
329 And then the very nosy baby sitter walked into the flying saucer and got a big surprise. 1.3476 0.04099 233 171 43 19
330 And once they consumed all the remaining humans they lived happily ever after. Good night. 1.3475 0.03725 282 207 52 23
331 'Very recently, in a galaxy quite, quite close, ...' 1.3473 0.03982 239 174 47 18
332 Would it help to to relax if I wore clothes? 1.3472 0.03830 288 216 44 28
333 Step 5: Let the meat rest. 1.3469 0.04039 271 206 36 29
334 It was the best of probes, it was the worst of probes 1.3465 0.04208 228 169 39 20
335 It is not Martha’s Vineyard but it is job. 1.3465 0.04253 228 170 37 21
336 And after their abduction they lived happily ever after. 1.3463 0.03983 231 167 48 16
337 I can either finish 'War and Peace' or I can tell you where your parents are. Your choice. 1.3462 0.03870 260 191 48 21
338 And that's how humans are born, Timmy! 1.3460 0.03838 263 193 49 21
339 Dearie, I'm not reading to you. I'm reading to the monster under your bed." 1.3457 0.04144 243 182 38 23
340 Shall I go on or do you want the thing under the bed to take over? 1.3456 0.03783 272 200 50 22
341 ....And on the third day he rose again from the dead". Wow, and you still have a hard time believing in extraterrestrials 1.3452 0.04734 197 150 26 21
342 Where I'm from, we just call it fiction. 1.3451 0.03944 226 162 50 14
343 And all the little girls grew up to have mommies with no hair and ears and lived happily ever after. 1.3445 0.03899 238 172 50 16
344 Unbelievable, right? 1.3438 0.04114 224 164 43 17
345 ...and that is why we come from Arizona. 1.3438 0.04350 224 169 33 22
346 You want me to read you Goodnight, Moon…from my travel journal? 1.3438 0.04065 224 163 45 16
347 Good night moon, good night stars, good night air, good night planet #X57p48. 1.3435 0.04084 230 169 43 18
348 "Well, I think it's a happy ending." 1.3432 0.04099 236 175 41 20
349 Next time, take your melatonin. 1.3427 0.04209 213 156 41 16
350 What makes you think that you're adopted? 1.3425 0.04527 181 132 36 13
351 A witch and a curse? Whose ever going to believe that? 1.3421 0.04012 228 166 46 16
352 This is the last story or we’re gonna miss the shuttle! 1.3419 0.03669 272 198 55 19
353 Happily ever after." That always cracks me up 1.3419 0.03778 272 201 49 22
354 It's a book on universal law. I'm a legal alien. 1.3416 0.04054 243 181 41 21
355 Goodnight stars, good night air, goodnight humans everywhere... 1.3407 0.04225 226 169 37 20
356 You're not going to believe this... 1.3406 0.03851 229 164 52 13
357 Once upon a time-space continuum … 1.3406 0.04185 229 171 38 20
358 Just as your forefathers, I arrived here as an “undocumented alien.” 1.3405 0.04278 232 176 33 23
359 It's Goodnight Moons. 1.3400 0.04338 200 147 38 15
360 Just so you know, this book has been banned in 17 galaxies. 1.3400 0.04010 250 187 41 22
361 And just before the lasers fired we said, 'Goodnight, Earth.' 1.3398 0.03631 259 186 58 15
362 Good night, and good luck. 1.3394 0.04292 221 166 35 20
363 Sherry, I'm gonna need you to start drifting off. We've got a flight to catch. 1.3394 0.04292 221 166 35 20
364 Don't worry, I promise it's not a cookbook 1.3392 0.04209 227 170 37 20
365 Don't worry. I don't believe in me either. 1.3392 0.04068 227 167 43 17
366 Don’t worry, I’m a registered alien! 1.3390 0.04092 236 176 40 20
367 Goodness, these Harry Potter books sure are far fetched. 1.3389 0.04183 239 181 35 23
368 So, the good news is there are no monsters in your closet... 1.3385 0.03851 257 190 47 20
369 That'll teach you to look under the bed. 1.3378 0.04275 222 167 35 20
370 What? Your grandpa has never read you the ‘Princess Bride’’. Then I’m in the right place at the right time. 1.3378 0.03875 222 159 51 12
371 Look if you'd prefer I can get the monster under the bed to take over for me 1.3377 0.03968 231 169 46 16
372 And they lived happily every after…in your universe. 1.3376 0.04159 234 176 37 21
373 And they were vaporized happily ever after. 1.3372 0.03677 258 187 55 16
374 Mommy and Daddy went away for a little trip. 1.3372 0.03728 261 191 52 18
375 … and the baby alien said, there is still someone sleeping in my bed. 1.3371 0.03620 264 191 57 16
376 This seems pretty far fetched 1.3365 0.04062 211 153 45 13
377 Goodnight Moon? If only you knew! 1.3362 0.03954 232 170 46 16
378 Our kids just love the sequel,Good Night Earth. 1.3361 0.04157 244 186 34 24
379 Goodnight stars and goodnight air, and goodnight people everywhere...forever. 1.3360 0.03915 247 183 45 19
380 And they all lived happily ever after in a galaxy far, far away. 1.3349 0.03953 215 155 48 12
381 And then the little green man kissed the princess, and she turned into a frog 1.3349 0.04375 218 166 31 21
382 I said, “It’s NOT a cookbook!” 1.3348 0.04242 224 169 35 20
383 No, you weren't adopted. More like ... beamed up! 1.3348 0.04011 227 167 44 16
384 On our world the cow jumps into a black hole. 1.3347 0.03715 236 169 55 12
385 ..and the expansion of the universe accelerated happily ever after. 1.3347 0.03996 236 175 43 18
386 Grinches, Sneetches, Loraxes... are you sure this Suess fella is from your planet? 1.3347 0.03977 245 183 42 20
387 Once upon a time, in a land far, far away . . . 1.3333 0.03948 228 167 46 15
388 This part about God creating man in his own image is going to need a little work. 1.3333 0.04392 210 159 32 19
389 Ok, Ok, one more time. But then we really need to get on with our experiments. 1.3333 0.03913 231 169 47 15
390 And the prince from Mars and the princess from Venus ... well, let's just say there was a communication breakdown. 1.3333 0.03997 228 168 44 16
391 Alien Spaceship ? No,I took a Uber to get here. 1.3333 0.03934 225 164 47 14
392 Relax. On our planet the adults get tucked in with a bedtime story 1.3333 0.04016 252 191 38 23
393 And they lived happily ever after, having remembered none of the anal probings. 1.3333 0.03902 240 177 46 17
394 I guess it’s time you learned our little family secret…. 1.3333 0.04252 201 148 39 14
395 Goodnight fear. Goodnight dread. Goodnight longings all earthbred. 1.3320 0.03811 244 179 49 16
396 ...that rectal probe was too small, the other was too big, and the last was just right. 1.3319 0.04351 238 186 25 27
397 Just think, if you hadn’t actually looked under your bed, you’d probably just be sound asleep, and I’d still just be hiding there.” 1.3319 0.04115 226 169 39 18
398 And that is how we chose Mr. Ron Hubbard. 1.3318 0.04006 223 164 44 15
399 Do you all really live happily ever after? 1.3318 0.03745 223 159 54 10
400 Once upon a time there was a United States Supreme Court.. 1.3318 0.04236 217 163 36 18
401 Spaced out? 1.3317 0.04349 202 151 35 16
402 Here's the recipe I was looking for. 1.3304 0.03905 227 166 47 14
403 What is this "Moon" you say "Good night" to? 1.3303 0.04129 221 165 39 17
404 The story you wanted me to read is all about alienation 1.3302 0.03832 215 154 51 10
405 And they lived happily ever on the time-space continuum. 1.3301 0.03844 209 149 51 9
406 Goodnight room, goodnight moon, goodnight corn in a circle strewn. 1.3301 0.04395 206 156 32 18
407 And that is how life on your planet will end. 1.3300 0.04330 203 152 35 16
408 I took care of that monster in your closet for you. 1.3297 0.04433 185 137 35 13
409 Let me read you a story before I probe. 1.3291 0.03742 237 172 52 13
410 It’s only a story. We’re actually vegetarians. 1.3290 0.03952 231 171 44 16
411 ...and they probed little Billy and he lived happily ever after. 1.3289 0.04074 225 168 40 17
412 And thats how the human race ends this december. 1.3288 0.03946 219 160 46 13
413 Not sure about you but I’m finding it hard to identify with these characters. 1.3286 0.04225 210 157 37 16
414 Your father? He’s out searching for UFOs again. Ironic, huh. 1.3282 0.04570 195 149 28 18
415 This book doesn’t do it justice. When the meteor hit the dinosaurs, the fireworks were incredible! 1.3275 0.04021 229 171 41 17
416 The first human was too crunchy, the second too mushy but the third human was just right. 1.3272 0.03913 217 158 47 12
417 One more chapter and I have to beam you up. 1.3270 0.03930 211 153 47 11
418 Not that long ago, in a galaxy actually fairly close to here… 1.3268 0.04065 205 150 43 12
419 Good night stars and good night Mars... 1.3266 0.04385 199 150 33 16
420 Now go to sleep, sweetie, or there will be no spaceship ride for you tomorrow. 1.3266 0.04327 199 149 35 15
421 OK, I'll read ET just one last time 1.3265 0.04127 196 143 42 11
422 Ok,one more story and then you HAVE to go to sleep! We have a very long flight tomorrow! 1.3264 0.04170 193 141 41 11
423 ...the end. Time for bed. Also you had a rodent running around your house so I ate it for you. It kept saying "meow." 1.3263 0.04114 236 180 35 21
424 Now let's talk about pronouns. 1.3260 0.04232 227 174 32 21
425 Wait till you see what's under the bed. 1.3258 0.04170 221 167 36 18
426 You said, “Take me to your reader,” right? 1.3257 0.03843 218 158 49 11
427 I'll go back under your bed when we're done with this chapter. 1.3256 0.03934 215 157 46 12
428 Old women living in shoes. You don't believe this crap, do you? 1.3249 0.04472 197 150 30 17
429 The stories that end with the children getting away aren't very accurate. 1.3243 0.04054 222 166 40 16
430 Goldilocks tasted the first bowl of liquid methane. It was too hot. 1.3243 0.03953 222 164 44 14
431 Instead of reading it, how about if I just telepathically implant this in your brain? 1.3243 0.04487 185 139 32 14
432 ….and should you die before you wake, it’s your body that we'll take. 1.3239 0.04011 213 157 43 13
433 And that’s how we ended up invading Earth. Sleep tight, Johnny. 1.3237 0.04313 207 157 33 17
434 Now remember. I am just your imaginary friend. 1.3237 0.04089 207 153 41 13
435 A long long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away… 1.3235 0.04071 204 150 42 12
436 No, no, it's not scary. It's just a cookbook. 1.3235 0.03952 238 179 41 18
437 Yes, this book is banned in your little part of the galaxy ….” 1.3235 0.03721 238 174 51 13
438 Your species evolved from apes? I guess that is as good as any explanation for the Republican Party! 1.3234 0.04516 201 155 27 19
439 Do I detect a little alienation? 1.3231 0.03867 229 169 46 14
440 ..and all the human adults perished. The end. 1.3231 0.04061 229 173 38 18
441 Wait until we get to the part about Area 51. 1.3230 0.03902 226 167 45 14
442 Why, yes, it is a cookbook. 1.3229 0.04430 192 145 32 15
443 Goodnight moon? How about goodnight Earth? 1.3226 0.04401 186 139 34 13
444 No, this is NOT your worst nightmare. That occurs at puberty. 1.3224 0.03884 214 156 47 11
445 Goodnight earth. Goodnight cow jumping over the the earth. 1.3224 0.04363 214 165 29 20
446 We'll read some more tomorrow, if there is one. 1.3217 0.03753 230 168 50 12
447 Good night room, good night moon Good night light and the red balloon Good night rocks and good night quarry Good night folks from alpha Centauri 1.3216 0.04740 171 130 27 14
448 We’re getting close to the end. 1.3216 0.03837 227 167 47 13
449 And that, Little Jimmy, is the reason why we abduct humans. 1.3214 0.03766 224 163 50 11
450 It turns out that all your Mother’s human genes were dominant. 1.3214 0.04179 196 145 39 12
451 Just one more chapter. Then...lights out. 1.3213 0.04112 221 167 37 17
452 This book is a real snoozer—what on earth could possibly be keeping you awake? 1.3213 0.03959 221 164 43 14
453 I'll keep reading 'til you space out 1.3212 0.04223 193 143 38 12
454 Good night mirth. Good night Earth. 1.3211 0.04151 218 165 36 17
455 Do you feel lulled into a false sense of security yet? 1.3204 0.04124 181 131 42 8
456 Greetings, human! Do you have a few minutes to learn about our Lord and Savior, Xbleeu Uo7uy3? 1.3204 0.04682 181 139 26 16
457 You said a scarey story, right? 1.3204 0.03919 206 150 46 10
458 Honestly, I don't see that this can be true. 1.3202 0.03823 228 168 47 13
459 Chapter three - The Pyramids. 1.3198 0.04223 197 147 37 13
460 Oh, Grandmother,” she said, “what big eyes you have. 1.3196 0.04185 219 167 34 18
461 For the last time, nobody gets probed! 1.3196 0.03873 219 161 46 12
462 Quit worrying, it's just fiction! 1.3194 0.03964 216 160 43 13
463 And they all lived happily ever after abduction. 1.3193 0.04033 238 182 36 20
464 Kids shouldn't read books about Critical Space Theory. 1.3193 0.04605 166 124 31 11
465 Which parallel universe would like to visit tonight. 1.3192 0.04110 213 160 38 15
466 Clifford was also abducted….I mean adopted. 1.3191 0.04114 235 181 33 21
467 This story always brings me down to earth. 1.3190 0.04040 210 156 41 13
468 And none of the earthlings lived happily ever after... Okay, sleep well, darling. 1.3184 0.04129 223 170 35 18
469 You need to stop worrying about legal or illegal 1.3179 0.04491 195 150 28 17
470 Well, THAT was scary... Can I sleep under your bed tonight? 1.3171 0.04103 205 153 39 13
471 It's titled, "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus." 1.3167 0.04349 180 134 35 11
472 NOW do you believe in Scientology? 1.3164 0.04399 177 132 34 11
473 And that's how life really began. 1.3158 0.03813 228 169 46 13
474 and that is where men are from 1.3155 0.04200 206 156 35 15
475 Chapter 23: “How I Met Your Mother” 1.3153 0.04356 203 156 30 17
476 Now, go to sleep, or I’ll have you abducted. 1.3150 0.04516 200 156 25 19
477 And that's the story of how your father and I chose you before climate change destroyed your planet! 1.3150 0.04287 200 152 33 15
478 I know what you mean about feeling weird. 1.3147 0.04150 197 147 38 12
479 Then E.T. returned home and was locked up as an illegal alien... 1.3147 0.04392 197 151 30 16
480 And they were ruled benevolently ever after. 1.3144 0.04063 194 143 41 10
481 Just a wee bit ago... in a galaxy incredibly nearby... 1.3141 0.03827 191 137 48 6
482 H'rak, are you going to sleep in your Earthling costume? 1.3141 0.04796 156 118 27 11
483 Your parents don't appreciate your imagination. 1.3138 0.04008 188 137 43 8
484 And from then on, the new queen ate every human she could find. The end. 1.3138 0.04216 188 140 37 11
485 None of them lived happily ever after. 1.3138 0.04414 188 143 31 14
486 Once upon a dimension… 1.3129 0.04886 163 126 23 14
487 Good night Mars 1.3125 0.04109 208 157 37 14
488 Good night four-legged, lactose-producing, gravity-defying mammal jumping over our home. 1.3125 0.04332 176 131 35 10
489 Once upon a time on a world far far away … 1.3122 0.03708 237 176 48 13
490 Goodnight Sonny, goodnight Cher, goodnight humanoids everywhere. 1.3122 0.04264 205 157 32 16
491 Just one more page. Then I will take you to my leader. 1.3120 0.03788 234 175 45 14
492 Goodnight Earth. 1.3116 0.04175 199 150 36 13
493 T he 'Twilight Zone' is my personal favorite" 1.3116 0.03924 199 146 44 9
494 I need space. 1.3115 0.04560 183 141 27 15
495 Sleep tight, don’t let the “inevitability of your extinction” bite 1.3112 0.04280 196 149 33 14
496 Your mother only checked “must have own transportation.” 1.3109 0.04199 193 145 36 12
497 And then every human on earth died. The End! 1.3108 0.04127 222 171 33 18
498 … and that, Johnny, is the story of how your father and I abducted you. Any questions? 1.3107 0.04189 206 157 34 15
499 We have our own version of "Goodnight Moon." 1.3107 0.04132 206 156 36 14
500 Goodnight human; goodnight earth. 1.3106 0.03869 235 178 41 16
501 Trust me. The ending is out of this world! 1.3105 0.04111 190 141 39 10
502 Ok. One more chapter. Then it’s time to be abducted. 1.3103 0.04115 203 153 37 13
503 And ET went home...the end. 1.3103 0.04655 174 134 26 14
504 Goodnight probe, shiny and clean. Goodnight gravity-defying tractor beam. 1.3102 0.04486 187 144 28 15
505 English or Klingon? 1.3102 0.04222 187 140 36 11
506 Your parents were desperate for a babysitter. 1.3102 0.04154 187 139 38 10
507 And that was how the government covered it up. Now go to sleep. Good night. 1.3102 0.04356 187 142 32 13
508 ...and THAT'S how the pyramids were built! 1.3099 0.04197 213 164 32 17
509 Once upon a time, there was a little earthling... 1.3095 0.04131 210 160 35 15
510 But when the grown-ups got home, the children were all asleep, remembering nothing. Right? Like we talked about? 1.3090 0.04646 178 138 25 15
511 Adopted? Not exactly... 1.3090 0.04291 178 133 35 10
512 Do you agree to the terms and conditions of your abduction? 1.3085 0.04135 188 140 38 10
513 I’d like to read you a bedtime story that is popular on the planet I come from. It’s titled “Good Night Moons” 1.3085 0.04401 188 144 30 14
514 And the last family we abducted was juuuuuust right. 1.3084 0.03965 214 161 40 13
515 And then there were none. 1.3077 0.03983 208 156 40 12
516 We have a similar book called Goodnight Ganymede. 1.3077 0.03924 208 155 42 11
517 Looks like the system ran out of foster parents. 1.3073 0.04415 179 136 31 12
518 Goodnight room, Goodnight moon Goodnight saucer orbiting the moon. Goodnight lightyear, And the redshift zoom! 1.3068 0.04318 176 132 34 10
519 Okay, just one more and then it's right to the ship... Sleep, I mean, sleep! 1.3067 0.04329 150 109 36 5
520 It’s called a book. I know it’s a very alien experience for you. 1.3062 0.04343 160 118 35 7
521 And then the humanoid creatures lived…, well, for a little while. 1.3062 0.04024 209 158 38 13
522 Ok, one more and then it's off to my planet...er....dreamland. 1.3061 0.04268 196 150 32 14
523 You’re right, it IS an amazing story. But I’m still going to erase your memory again tonight. 1.3060 0.04481 183 141 28 14
524 And then she was abducted. The end. 1.3059 0.03676 219 161 49 9
525 Don't Worry, darling. It's just a story. 1.3058 0.04121 206 157 35 14
526 OK, where we last left off, the Earthlings were being eliminated one by one. 1.3057 0.04187 193 146 35 12
527 Tonight’s story is out of this world. 1.3057 0.04056 193 144 39 10
528 What is "Oy vey?" 1.3057 0.04376 193 149 29 15
529 What did you expect--'Goodnight Moon'? 1.3053 0.04361 190 146 30 14
530 I am your father, Luke. 1.3053 0.04361 190 146 30 14
531 What would you like to hear while your parents are being probed? 1.3051 0.04444 177 135 30 12
532 Would you like a story before or after we leave Earth? 1.3051 0.04371 177 134 32 11
533 But the third little pig was a clever pig. He built his house out of solid neutronium. 1.3049 0.04608 164 125 28 11
534 I love you to Planet X and back 1.3048 0.04140 187 140 37 10
535 And then Goldilocks said, "This probe feels just right!" 1.3046 0.04496 174 133 29 12
536 ...and THAT is how the Kardashian family was born 1.3046 0.04188 197 150 34 13
537 This next part is out of this world. 1.3043 0.04040 184 136 40 8
538 Trust me, there is no monster under the bed. I double checked. 1.3043 0.03808 207 153 45 9
539 You are light-years too young for this book. 1.3041 0.04038 194 145 39 10
540 Ha ha, no, that's not the scary part... 1.3041 0.04317 171 128 34 9
541 Wow, thank goodness dragons aren’t real! 1.3041 0.04396 171 129 32 10
542 Relax kid. I'm a vegetarian. 1.3038 0.04463 158 118 32 8
543 I don't know what you've been reading on the net, but I had the variant, and I'm still me. 1.3036 0.04368 168 126 33 9
544 Tonight's bedtime story is "To Serve Mankind" 1.3035 0.04128 201 153 35 13
545 Do humans really read Moby Dick? 1.3035 0.04005 201 151 39 11
546 They're not all stories of extinction. 1.3032 0.04789 155 119 25 11
547 Tomorrow's bedtime story will be about how aliens took over your planet because humans couldn't be trust with it anymore 1.3030 0.04108 198 150 36 12
548 And when aliens took over, you lived happily everafter. 1.3030 0.04663 165 127 26 12
549 When your grandmother was a kid, this book was read on the radio, and it caused widespread panic and fear. 1.3027 0.04235 185 140 34 11
550 Yes, your parents are also being re-educated. 1.3027 0.04235 185 140 34 11
551 Goodnight moon. Goodnight stars. Goodnight human race. 1.3022 0.04281 182 138 33 11
552 So you see Aime, you're not the only little girl in the universe who's adopted. 1.3021 0.04128 192 145 36 11
553 Goodnight moon, goodnight air. Good night Martians everywhere. 1.3019 0.04867 159 124 22 13
554 We don't do abductions anymore, we just bore you to sleep. 1.3017 0.04106 179 133 38 8
555 The part where the cow jumps over the moon is fake news 1.3016 0.04496 189 148 25 16
556 Uncomfortable in what way? 1.3016 0.04304 189 145 31 13
557 It's okay. There's nothing under the bed. 1.3015 0.04152 199 152 34 13
558 I have to tell you something important. I'm not really your father. 1.3013 0.04494 156 117 31 8
559 I was really surprised they let me sign up for the Big Brother program. 1.3012 0.04717 166 129 24 13
560 Nothing to worry about. My children are sleeping under the bed. 1.3011 0.04595 176 137 25 14
561 The election? Oh yeah, totally rigged. 1.3011 0.04483 186 145 26 15
562 It’s OK honey, I’m from Roswell, too. 1.3011 0.04146 186 140 36 10
563 The next chapter is entitled 'To Serve Man.' Ha-ha, just kidding. 1.3010 0.04317 196 152 29 15
564 I understand why this book gave you nightmares. 1.3005 0.04118 183 137 37 9
565 The end. Now you never saw me. 1.3005 0.03767 193 141 46 6
566 Want me to lock the window? 1.3005 0.04109 193 146 36 11
567 Let's cut past the Goodnight Moon BS, Okay? 1.3000 0.04380 180 138 30 12
568 And that concludes the pre-abduction briefing. Questions? 1.3000 0.04010 200 151 38 11
569 Good night asteroid, good night humanoid, good night xenomorph jumping over the planetoid. 1.2995 0.04127 187 141 36 10
570 I don't mind reading to you, but I have to say, I find your planet's science fiction books so primitive. 1.2989 0.04379 184 142 29 13
571 It’s amazing some of the things people will believe. 1.2989 0.04331 174 132 32 10
572 And the third bowl of ectoplasm was just right! 1.2988 0.04592 164 126 27 11
573 You will send this to the New Yorker. They will print it. 1.2986 0.05128 144 113 19 12
574 Nothing like a good invasion story. 1.2984 0.03997 191 143 39 9
575 We could have saved ourselves decades of probing research if we had only known there were biology textbooks. 1.2983 0.04565 181 142 24 15
576 Now let's check your closet for monsters. 1.2982 0.04221 171 128 35 8
577 I told you before we married that I was a resident alien. 1.2982 0.03836 218 165 41 12
578 Sweet dreams. 1.2980 0.04864 151 117 23 11
579 ‘Goodnight moon’? Singular? We have ten. 1.2978 0.04335 178 136 31 11
580 Sometimes, dads ask moms to dress up when it isn’t Halloween… 1.2976 0.04590 168 130 26 12
581 And they orbited together happily ever after. 1.2970 0.04486 165 126 29 10
582 One more chapter, then I'll grab that tooth from you. 1.2968 0.04501 155 117 30 8
583 As a matter of fact, it really did jump over the moon. 1.2967 0.03972 182 135 40 7
584 We had to watch your transmissions of "The Apprentice", the least you can do is listen to my limerick collection. 1.2965 0.04436 172 132 29 11
585 Science fiction? We just call it science fact. 1.2965 0.04200 199 154 31 14
586 Remember the wish you made at your 9th birthday party? Well, better late than never! 1.2963 0.04089 189 143 36 10
587 And as the princess began to fall asleep, she realized the micro dose that her big brother gave her was way, way, way too strong. 1.2963 0.04224 189 145 32 12
588 Shoot for the moon, kid. Maybe you’ll hit my mother-in-law! 1.2963 0.04157 189 144 34 11
589 And they all lived happily after all the people were gone. 1.2961 0.03921 206 156 39 11
590 I'm not an illegal alien , your government invited me 1.2957 0.03915 186 138 41 7
591 Try counting spaceships... 1.2956 0.04510 159 121 29 9
592 FYI, when the agency said I'd be babysitting YOU tonight, I didn't exactly jump for joy either" 1.2955 0.04288 176 134 32 10
593 And that's how I became your father. 1.2955 0.04437 176 136 28 12
594 ...and then the alien ate the sleeping earthling. Sweet dreams. 1.2953 0.04351 193 151 27 15
595 Let's skip "Goodnight Moon" tonight and read one of MY childhood favorites, " Goodnight Earth" 1.2952 0.04701 166 130 23 13
596 Are you ready? We will read Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy 1.2948 0.04179 173 130 35 8
597 Cows can jump over the moon? News to me. 1.2945 0.04876 146 113 23 10
598 I don't know why you keep saying you are seeing things. 1.2941 0.04225 170 128 34 8
599 Tell me again how "Take me to your leader" sounds like "Take me for your reader." 1.2941 0.04694 170 134 22 14
600 In a few years…. The End. 1.2941 0.04387 170 130 30 10
601 See? I can be your dad until we return him. 1.2941 0.04543 170 132 26 12
602 You think that’s frightening, just wait until 2023… 1.2941 0.03880 204 154 40 10
603 Here comes the scary part! 1.2941 0.04317 187 145 29 13
604 Actually we don’t call this sci-fi… 1.2941 0.04182 187 143 33 11
605 You may be quantum-entangled with Little Red Ridinghood. 1.2938 0.04487 177 138 26 13
606 Once Upon A Time, there were these things called humans. 1.2938 0.04114 177 133 36 8
607 Let's ease into this abduction. 1.2938 0.04558 177 139 24 14
608 I've never been much for sci-fi. 1.2937 0.04397 160 121 31 8
609 And on the 8th day the aliens arrived… 1.2937 0.04486 160 122 29 9
610 Don’t worry the glow turns off after five minutes. 1.2935 0.04432 184 144 26 14
611 Grandma you have strange eyes! 1.2934 0.04357 167 127 31 9
612 Using their powers, the Martians declassified all the documents in all the lands. 1.2933 0.04590 150 114 28 8
613 Ah, here’s a good one—“To Serve Man” 1.2932 0.04119 191 146 34 11
614 And after they'd harvested their organs, the nice space aliens took their abductees on a delightful tour of the galaxy. 1.2928 0.04344 181 140 29 12
615 The next chapter is out of this world. 1.2928 0.04200 181 138 33 10
616 Earthling, take me to your reader. 1.2927 0.04492 164 126 28 10
617 Flying monkeys... that's funny. 1.2924 0.04204 171 129 34 8
618 and that is how humans and aliens came to be, The end. 1.2921 0.04171 178 135 34 9
619 You read this trash? 1.2919 0.04462 161 123 29 9
620 Hey buddy, are you alien or alienated? 1.2919 0.04374 161 122 31 8
621 This one's called "To Serve Man." 1.2917 0.04609 144 109 28 7
622 I mean, come on people, if there was an alien presence, they'd stand out, wouldn't they? 1.2917 0.03965 192 145 38 9
623 Goldilocks tried pulling that same crap on Jupiter. We ate her. 1.2914 0.04370 175 135 29 11
624 There is no happily ever after because time is an illusion." 1.2914 0.04370 175 135 29 11
625 Here is a lovely photo of your aunt busting out of that man's chest. 1.2914 0.04660 151 116 26 9
626 No dear, you were adopted, not abducted. 1.2912 0.04595 182 145 21 16
627 Maybe a little sci-fi will help you sleep. 1.2912 0.03879 182 135 41 6
628 At least, that’s how it would end on my world. 1.2912 0.03956 182 136 39 7
629 Now, now, honey, it’s just a fairy tale. All step-mothers aren’t evil. Most of them are probably just like me. 1.2911 0.04427 158 120 30 8
630 But the third planet was just right, so Goldilocks landed there. 1.2909 0.04631 165 129 24 12
631 ...and that's how we won the 'War of the Worlds' 1.2907 0.04420 172 133 28 11
632 I take it you don't like sci-fi. 1.2905 0.04523 148 112 29 7
633 Goodbye water, goodbye air, humanity everywhere. 1.2903 0.04117 186 142 34 10
634 This E.T. character doesn’t seem realistic. I don’t know anyone who likes Reese’s Pieces. 1.2903 0.04290 155 116 33 6
635 Once upon a time, a little girl's parents went on a very long trip. 1.2899 0.04551 169 132 25 12
636 Sweet dreams and I will now slip under the bed. 1.2898 0.04272 176 135 31 10
637 I see that my intonation hasn't quite captured Mr. Darcy for you. 1.2897 0.04982 145 114 20 11
638 Wow! A story about my Grandfather ET 1.2896 0.04573 183 146 21 16
639 This story may seem alien to you, but I really like it 1.2895 0.04191 190 147 31 12
640 Goodnight, twelve moons…. 1.2892 0.04445 166 128 28 10
641 I know I've read Finnegans Wake 217 times, but his sentence structure really moves me. 1.2890 0.04162 173 131 34 8
642 Well, the little monster under your bed loves my bedtime stories." 1.2886 0.04790 149 116 23 10
643 The female Earthling was both surprised and relieved to find that, even with half of her brain removed, things seemed much the same. 1.2883 0.04414 163 125 29 9
644 Sweetie, you're from a place called, Earth. 1.2883 0.04499 163 126 27 10
645 Relax. The abduction doesn't happen until the last chapter. 1.2882 0.04208 170 129 33 8
646 Have you heard the one about the alien probe? 1.2877 0.04555 146 111 28 7
647 We find Poe to be very restful reading. Would you prefer the Raven or the Telltale Heart? 1.2875 0.04468 160 123 28 9
648 You don’t like Orson Wells? 1.2875 0.04468 160 123 28 9
649 Don’t worry, I’ll skip over the scary parts. 1.2875 0.04640 160 125 24 11
650 These "Fairy Tales" are unbelievable! 1.2872 0.04148 188 145 32 11
651 And that is how me and your mom had a baby. 1.2871 0.04147 209 165 28 16
652 Once upon a time, in a galaxy not yet born ... 1.2866 0.04432 157 120 29 8
653 While you're parents are being abducted, I thought I'd read you a fun little story. 1.2865 0.04121 185 142 33 10
654 Some day you will thank me Elon 1.2865 0.04345 192 152 25 15
655 Once upon a light year... 1.2857 0.04502 175 138 24 13
656 Do you accept Morp as your personal savior? 1.2857 0.04630 147 113 26 8
657 Is reading out all these prime numbers making you sleepy yet? 1.2857 0.04996 140 110 20 10
658 Does science fiction normally stir your imagination? 1.2857 0.04528 147 112 28 7
659 You’re lucky you have pupils 1.2857 0.04677 140 107 26 7
660 The sci-fi here is just hilarious. 1.2850 0.04068 193 149 33 11
661 And the earthlings lived happily ever after…not a real ending, of course. 1.2849 0.04404 172 134 27 11
662 How about an Abduction story before bedtime? 1.2849 0.04326 172 133 29 10
663 Now, now.... It's OK. You're not alone anymore 1.2848 0.04694 165 131 21 13
664 Here's one of my favorites,Goodnight Earth. 1.2848 0.04367 165 127 29 9
665 I'm gonna skip to the end, but don't worry, you won't remember 1.2848 0.04195 165 125 33 7
666 And that's the story of how mommy and daddy abducted... er, I mean, ADOPTED you! 1.2848 0.04614 165 130 23 12
667 And then they all levitated happily ever after... 1.2848 0.04220 158 119 33 6
668 No, I’ve never met the tooth fairy. 1.2840 0.04151 162 122 34 6
669 The better to atomize you with, my dear", said the wolf 1.2834 0.04221 187 146 29 12
670 Don't worry, tonight we're just probing your language comprehension. 1.2830 0.04732 159 126 21 12
671 Goodnight Earthling. 1.2830 0.04003 159 118 37 4
672 ...and that's the story of how we adopted you. 1.2830 0.04732 159 126 21 12
673 Same time tomorrow? 1.2828 0.04233 145 108 33 4
674 Relax, we haven't come to the scary part yet. 1.2826 0.04197 184 143 30 11
675 It’s more a probe of your intellect 1.2822 0.04481 163 127 26 10
676 The War of the Worlds, by H.G. Wells. 1.2822 0.04396 163 126 28 9
677 You know cows can't jump over your moon, right? 1.2821 0.04147 156 117 34 5
678 It loses something in translation 1.2821 0.04246 156 118 32 6
679 Call me Ishmael. No, really that’s my name. 1.2819 0.04769 149 117 22 10
680 At home, we live under the bed. 1.2819 0.04373 149 113 30 6
681 My eyes are tired. Mind if I crawl in next to you? 1.2818 0.04454 181 144 23 14
682 How about a nice story to take your mind off of the probe? 1.2816 0.04124 174 133 33 8
683 Wizards and trolls? You don't really believe this stuff, do you? 1.2814 0.04565 167 132 23 12
684 You’re gonna love the ending; it’s out of this world. 1.2812 0.03982 160 119 37 4
685 COVID. Even babysitters are in short supply. 1.2812 0.05075 128 100 20 8
686 Goodnight Mars Goodnight stars And goodnight earth For what it is worth 1.2811 0.04247 185 145 28 12
687 It's called: I was abducted by humans. 1.2810 0.04679 153 120 23 10
688 And then she was abducted by an alien. 1.2810 0.04679 153 120 23 10
689 Your book is overdue 1.2808 0.04635 146 113 25 8
690 Well which was it, the best of times, or the worst of times? 1.2807 0.04487 171 135 24 12
691 Goodnight moon"... Wait, which one 1.2805 0.04197 164 125 32 7
692 This H. G. Wells dude is damn good. 1.2805 0.04372 164 127 28 9
693 And we lived in Florida happily ever after. 1.2805 0.04540 164 129 24 11
694 Goodnight third moon. 1.2804 0.04045 189 146 33 10
695 ... The End. And now if you'll excuse me, I need to phone home. 1.2803 0.04593 157 123 24 10
696 And they lived happily abducted ever after. 1.2800 0.05029 125 97 21 7
697 I love human sci-fi stories, you guys think we're so cool. 1.2800 0.04646 150 117 24 9
698 I thought you'd be happy to know that I'm not under your bed. 1.2800 0.04449 150 115 28 7
699 And the moral is to always obey your alien overlords. 1.2800 0.04449 150 115 28 7
700 Tonight's book is Goodnight Moons. 1.2798 0.04845 168 137 15 16
701 And then the alien found the bed that was just right. Do you see where I'm going with this? 1.2797 0.04698 143 111 24 8
702 And then the humans realized colonization is wrong, and returned to their home planet. 1.2797 0.04698 143 111 24 8
703 Once upon a time an alien from outer space came down to Earth. 1.2789 0.04401 147 112 29 6
704 If you think this is scary just wait and see what Abbott and DeSantis have got plans for next! 1.2789 0.05088 147 119 15 13
705 You expect me to think that a cow can jump over the moon? 1.2789 0.04294 147 111 31 5
706 Thought about phoning home....but then I saw you! 1.2788 0.04516 165 130 24 11
707 To serve man by Rob Sterling 1.2787 0.04272 183 144 27 12
708 These stories are universal. 1.2785 0.04478 158 123 26 9
709 I've always loved the part where the girl tells the wolf he has big eyes. 1.2785 0.04387 158 122 28 8
710 Good book, but there’s a much easier way to reach space than climbing a bean stock. 1.2781 0.04322 151 115 30 6
711 This Malcolm Gladwell guy seems like a real asshole. 1.2781 0.04423 151 116 28 7
712 …And they ate all the Earthlings. The End 1.2781 0.04274 187 148 26 13
713 Adopted? Why would you think that? 1.2781 0.04341 187 149 24 14
714 …and then Donald Trump was elected to a second term. Sleep tight. 1.2778 0.04669 144 112 24 8
715 Goodnight exoplanet. Goodnight the cow that jumped over the exoplanet. 1.2778 0.04564 144 111 26 7
716 And They/Them lived happily ever after 1.2778 0.05119 126 99 19 8
717 It gets a little Grimm from here 1.2778 0.04654 162 129 21 12
718 Feel free to dumb it down for your science teacher. 1.2778 0.04456 144 110 28 6
719 Do you want to win the science fair this year or not? Pay attention! 1.2778 0.04669 144 112 24 8
720 You’re going to love this recipe. 1.2775 0.04127 173 133 32 8
721 I’ll check under the bed before I leave, but, honestly, this has to stop. 1.2774 0.04626 155 122 23 10
722 Or as my people call it... non-fiction. 1.2774 0.04626 155 122 23 10
723 We'll get to the abduction, but first, I need to know what happens with Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy. 1.2769 0.04886 130 101 22 7
724 This book is so good, it's reading itself. 1.2769 0.04635 130 99 26 5
725 And they harvested the earth for all it is worth. The End. 1.2767 0.04363 159 123 28 8
726 Mommy's not here tonight; she's gone on a little excursion. 1.2766 0.04283 141 106 31 4
727 Don’t look surprised, I can’t understand this book either. 1.2764 0.05202 123 97 18 8
728 And that's how we took over Mars. The End. 1.2763 0.04592 152 119 24 9
729 One more story and then you take me to your leader. 1.2761 0.05124 134 107 17 10
730 Not a creature was stirring? Who are they kidding? 1.2761 0.04462 163 128 25 10
731 What’s the matter? You don’t look like you’re getting sleepy… 1.2761 0.04376 163 127 27 9
732 Ok Sheeshorzyrg take off your alien mask and go to sleep. 1.2759 0.04265 174 136 28 10
733 And that’s why the cows won’t come home 1.2759 0.04743 145 114 22 9
734 ...and so the aliens ruled planet earth. The End. 1.2757 0.04090 185 144 31 10
735 Who in their right mind believes in vampires? 1.2756 0.04776 156 125 19 12
736 So celebrities write crap children’s books here too ?!?! 1.2756 0.05205 127 101 17 9
737 It gets worse. 1.2754 0.04218 167 129 30 8
738 ...and they replicated happily ever after. 1.2754 0.04303 167 130 28 9
739 A long time ago... In a galaxy far away. 1.2750 0.04603 160 127 22 11
740 I'm good with accents, if you'd prefer something different. 1.2750 0.04339 160 124 28 8
741 I’ll begin by reading from Chapter 1, Alien Bedside Manners.” 1.2749 0.04313 171 134 27 10
742 Man, you’re still awake? Your parents are going to kill me. 1.2749 0.04151 171 132 31 8
743 Once upon a time in a place far away 1.2749 0.04621 171 138 19 14
744 All the better to see you with, my dear. 1.2746 0.04808 142 112 21 9
745 Oooh, said the mutant cyberoid, what big antennae you have… 1.2746 0.04170 193 153 27 13
746 Perhaps Reading Stories stimulates the human brain too much. You don't look like you're getting the least bit sleepy. 1.2745 0.04470 153 119 26 8
747 And someday I'll tell you my own story—its beginning, middle, and its happy forever after. 1.2745 0.04172 153 116 32 5
748 And now the cow is no longer jumping over the moon. 1.2744 0.04522 164 130 23 11
749 On my world, this is considered nonfiction. 1.2743 0.04320 175 138 26 11
750 Goodnight fifteenth moon. 1.2743 0.03922 175 133 36 6
751 Everyone always asks me and no, I don’t know ET. 1.2741 0.05197 135 109 15 11
752 This next part's a little scary 1.2741 0.04753 135 105 23 7
753 Mom, what big eyes you have! 1.2740 0.04910 146 117 18 11
754 Klaatu barada nikto 1.2740 0.04613 146 114 24 8
755 Why would you think you were abduct…I mean adopted, Dear? 1.2736 0.03988 201 158 31 12
756 I can see why you're scared. I'm afraid of ghosts too! 1.2734 0.04658 139 108 24 7
757 Call me Ishmael. 1.2733 0.04427 150 116 27 7
758 ... and then the alien didn't phone home. 1.2733 0.04316 161 125 28 8
759 Once upon a time, there was a planet named Earth... 1.2727 0.04330 165 129 27 9
760 This part just seems a bit unrealistic, don’t you agree?” 1.2727 0.04568 143 111 25 7
761 Is this an alien concept? 1.2727 0.04979 121 94 21 6
762 ...and a close encounter of the twenty-seventh kind is when we send an invitation but know you can't attend because you're busy. 1.2722 0.03846 180 137 37 6
763 If you want to hear something really out of this world, let me tell you about January 6 1.2722 0.04547 158 125 23 10
764 You ARE home! 1.2722 0.04273 158 122 29 7
765 H.G. Wells...one of my favorites! 1.2722 0.04367 158 123 27 8
766 …and that is how we abducted your parents, Timmy. The End! 1.2722 0.04178 158 121 31 6
767 …and that’s the way we colonized earth. 1.2721 0.04482 147 114 26 7
768 When you wake up, this will all seem like it was a dream... 1.2721 0.04045 147 110 34 3
769 “When the antiquated near totalitarian fascist regime proceeded to exhaust our solar system of our resources and energy we were sent here to learn from you. “ 1.2721 0.05056 136 109 17 10
770 And no one ever really believed that they were really beamed up and experimented on except the crazy old man who lived on the corner. The End 1.2718 0.03799 195 150 37 8
771 You call him the Big Bad Wolf. We call him Phil. 1.2717 0.04109 173 134 31 8
772 I know how it ends! I know how it all ends. 1.2715 0.04401 151 117 27 7
773 One UFO, two UFO, three,UFO, four... 1.2714 0.04845 140 111 20 9
774 My favorite story...Goldilocks and the Three Crop Circles. 1.2711 0.04221 166 129 29 8
775 Wait until you see who's reading tomorrow. 1.2711 0.04044 166 127 33 6
776 Once upon an abduction. 1.2711 0.04391 166 131 25 10
777 Says here that I can petition for asylum. 1.2710 0.04605 155 123 22 10
778 Please don’t ask your parents any prodding questions when they get back. 1.2710 0.04419 155 121 26 8
779 And no one in Area 51 lived happily ever after 1.2710 0.04323 155 120 28 7
780 Trust me, there are worse things out there than the monsters under your bed. 1.2710 0.04323 155 120 28 7
781 This is all very alien to me too. 1.2707 0.04668 133 103 24 6
782 I think the moral of the story is that you should believe in yourself if nobody believes in you. 1.2707 0.04668 133 103 24 6
783 who am I kidding, I don't know how to read 1.2707 0.04789 133 104 22 7
784 Now for the funny part where your bacteria kill us off instead of what really happened. 1.2706 0.03894 170 129 36 5
785 Tonight's bedtime story, "Where the Wild Things Are". 1.2705 0.05210 122 97 17 8
786 And then the Supreme Court ruled it was legal for little girls to be teleported to alien space craft and be artificially inseminated with lizards. 1.2704 0.04250 159 123 29 7
787 ...and they feasted on human brains for years to come. The End. 1.2704 0.04522 159 126 23 10
788 Along, long time ago...in a Galaxy nearer than you think... 1.2703 0.04851 148 119 18 11
789 You've probably guessed by now that you're adopted 1.2699 0.04357 163 128 26 9
790 This is the part where you find out it's not a story. 1.2699 0.04088 163 125 32 6
791 So, you still don't believe in aliens? 1.2699 0.04179 163 126 30 7
792 Elon Musk taking over Twitter does that for us. 1.2698 0.04965 126 99 20 7
793 Ok, one more. Than I eat your brains. 1.2697 0.04570 152 120 23 9
794 Fairy tales? No it’s a cook book. 1.2697 0.04375 152 118 27 7
795 Ready for some old science fiction that really nailed it? 1.2695 0.04023 167 128 33 6
796 Mysterious Disappearances - this is one of my favorites! 1.2692 0.04202 156 120 30 6
797 Once upon a what now? 1.2692 0.04668 156 125 20 11
798 Don’t worry, your mom and dad will be back in their beds soon. 1.2690 0.04405 145 112 27 6
799 And they all lived happily ever after . . . once we arrived on Venus. 1.2683 0.04333 164 129 26 9
800 Once upon a time there was a Martian named Michael Valentine Smith. 1.2683 0.04908 123 96 21 6
801 Come on…it a universally good story. 1.2683 0.04066 164 126 32 6
802 Now, I came from very far away just to babysit you so you’d better behave 1.2683 0.04066 164 126 32 6
803 ...and the handsome earthling man and the beautiful alien woman lived happily ever after. 1.2683 0.04066 164 126 32 6
804 As if brick walls ever stopped anybody from invading. 1.2683 0.05300 123 99 15 9
805 I'm not here for mind control, I like your book collection. 1.2681 0.04661 138 108 23 7
806 So Funny! How in the WORLD do you make this stuff up? 1.2681 0.04661 138 108 23 7
807 And that, Billy, is what goes into a hotdog. Goodnight. 1.2681 0.04661 138 108 23 7
808 You might consider not saying "Like that could ever happen." 1.2681 0.04429 138 106 27 5
809 Michelle quit and there is an au pair shortage so here we are. 1.2680 0.04637 153 122 21 10
810 Where I come from men are from venus and women are from mars. 1.2677 0.04670 127 98 24 5
811 No, honey, as mom and I are wrote in our family journal, you weren’t abducted, you were adopted! 1.2675 0.04462 157 124 24 9
812 Would you like to hear a really scary one? 1.2672 0.04952 116 90 21 5
813 No, no we don't do that anymore - we read to you now! 1.2672 0.04702 131 102 23 6
814 I've checked under the bed five times; no monsters are hiding there. 1.2671 0.04888 146 118 17 11
815 I’m just going to peruse while I wait for my ride 1.2671 0.04485 146 114 25 7
816 Have you even seen ET? 1.2671 0.04691 146 116 21 9
817 Goodnight, moon. Or, as we call it, Intergalactic Battle Station7, perpetually aimed towards Earth. 1.2671 0.04589 146 115 23 8
818 Would you like me to read Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus to you again? 1.2671 0.04384 161 127 25 9
819 Ope! Found Waldo! 1.2670 0.04281 176 140 25 11
820 Just stay off 23 & Me and Ancestry.Com and we’ll be fine. 1.2667 0.04504 150 118 24 8
821 Of course it's fiction -- you can't make this stuff up. 1.2667 0.04300 150 116 28 6
822 You’re going to need to update your autobiography. It’s about to get weird. 1.2667 0.04403 150 117 26 7
823 This story exceeds the limits of credibility. 1.2663 0.04321 169 134 25 10
824 If I were you, I'd be more afraid of hurricanes in Florida. 1.2662 0.04517 154 122 23 9
825 No honey, it was H.G. who wrote “The War of the Worlds”and Orson who caused the panic. Back home, they are heroes. 1.2662 0.04326 154 120 27 7
826 Is 'The War of the Worlds' your favorite bedtime story? 1.2661 0.04737 124 96 23 5
827 I love these stories about alienation. 1.2658 0.04527 158 126 22 10
828 And what’s in your head is under your bed. 1.2658 0.04155 158 122 30 6
829 Witches who eat children! Giants who grind bones to make bread! We're going to like it here! 1.2657 0.04650 143 113 22 8
830 It’s called “Middlemarch” and I’m having trouble with it, too. 1.2657 0.04957 143 116 16 11
831 It’s titled ‘Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus.’ You’ll love it! 1.2656 0.04769 128 100 22 6
832 In the great green ship... 1.2656 0.04896 128 101 20 7
833 Good night, Moon; good morning, Mars 1.2654 0.04447 162 129 23 10
834 ‘Whats so odd about green eggs and ham?‘ 1.2654 0.04360 162 128 25 9
835 And that’s how the anal probe came to be. 1.2652 0.04265 181 145 24 12
836 Tonight we'll be reading a selection from that great historian, Robert Heinlein... 1.2652 0.04912 132 105 19 8
837 There’s no place like home! 1.2652 0.05028 132 106 17 9
838 This book is right. I really AM from Venus! 1.2649 0.04575 151 120 22 9
839 Goodnight Moon, goodnight Earth, goodnight solar system. 1.2649 0.04275 151 117 28 6
840 Once upon a worm hole in the space-time continuum... 1.2649 0.04378 151 118 26 7
841 We've talked about this already. You are not adopted. 1.2649 0.04057 185 146 29 10
842 And that's how dinosaurs really became extinct... 1.2645 0.04492 155 123 23 9
843 We are improving our bedside manner so that our probing is less traumatic. 1.2645 0.04806 121 94 22 5
844 So I said “Take me to your reader”. 1.2645 0.05084 121 96 18 7
845 Yes, of course the Earth is flat. 1.2645 0.05084 121 96 18 7
846 I hate to probe, but maybe one more chapter? 1.2644 0.04069 174 136 30 8
847 And they felt alienated ever after 1.2644 0.04229 174 138 26 10
848 Would you like to hear Good Night Moon tonight? 1.2643 0.04489 140 109 25 6
849 If you like Anne of Green Gables, you'll love Zorbina of Crystal Cragula. 1.2639 0.04725 144 115 20 9
850 This book is about UFOs from my planet. 1.2639 0.04294 144 111 28 5
851 You go back to sleep, dear. I’m still reviewing my policy and procedure manual on alien abductions. 1.2636 0.04862 129 102 20 7
852 To Serve Man is actually the third book in the series. First, we must start with From Farmer to Table. 1.2636 0.04862 129 102 20 7
853 I know. It's funnier on Jupiter. 1.2635 0.04219 148 114 29 5
854 And after little Johnny was abducted he lived happily ever after. 1.2635 0.04219 148 114 29 5
855 No honey, that was not a microdose 1.2635 0.04430 167 134 22 11
856 And that's how I met your dad. 1.2632 0.04451 152 120 24 8
857 Here's one I think you'll like--Little Green Flying Hood! 1.2632 0.04352 152 119 26 7
858 And the third probe fit just right. 1.2632 0.05145 114 90 18 6
859 Little Roswell Riding Hood or Snow White and Area 51—We don't have time for both. 1.2628 0.04372 156 123 25 8
860 And then she said,"Grandmother,what a big spaceship you have!" 1.2628 0.04277 156 122 27 7
861 And after we regenerated all the princesses organs, we ate her. The End. 1.2628 0.04179 137 104 30 3
862 An that is how the Earth gets blown up. 1.2626 0.04142 179 142 27 10
863 Seriously, does anybody really believe this nonsense? 1.2625 0.04205 160 125 28 7
864 On my planet, is IS bedtime. 1.2624 0.04895 141 114 17 10
865 Ghosts do not use eye shadow 1.2624 0.04895 141 114 17 10
866 This one's called "To Serve Man." I think you'll like it. 1.2624 0.04461 141 110 25 6
867 I don't know. Is there such a thing as an Unfriendly Caterpillar? 1.2624 0.04107 141 107 31 3
868 Then Little Red Ridinghood said, ‘What big EYES you have, Granny!’ And the Wolf replied, ‘All the more to see you with!’ … Hmmm… good line. I’ll have to remember that one… 1.2624 0.04574 141 111 23 7
869 Goodnight room. Goodnight moon. Goodnight easily subjugated race of feeble human inferiors forced to surrender their resources and mindlessly do our bidding. Goodnight cow jumping over the moon. 1.2623 0.04294 183 148 22 13
870 I don't do glasses of water I just read bedtime stories. 1.2622 0.04136 164 128 29 7
871 When will Nora learn that three gummies before bedtime is her absolute limit? 1.2622 0.04566 164 133 19 12
872 And that is how humanity ended. 1.2621 0.04696 145 116 20 9
873 I don't get this Sam guy. We do green ham Tuesdays every week in my house. 1.2621 0.04487 145 114 24 7
874 Not asleep yet? Have you tried counting singularities? 1.2621 0.04696 145 116 20 9
875 And then Little Red Riding Hood said, 'My what a big probe you have.' 1.2619 0.04325 168 134 24 10
876 And that is how our King Roswell got a town named after him on Earth. 1.2619 0.04533 126 97 25 4
877 Yes, but the Swedish nanny I replaced was also an alien. 1.2619 0.04671 126 98 23 5
878 Why are your caterpillars so hungry here? 1.2619 0.04533 126 97 25 4
879 You do know that the Mother Goose characters are not real, don’t you? 1.2617 0.04507 149 118 23 8
880 Recently...in a galaxy not too, too far away.... 1.2616 0.04091 172 135 29 8
881 I love these Edgar Allen Poe stories, but let me know if this one is too out there for you. 1.2614 0.04226 153 119 28 6
882 Don't worry. I checked. There's nothing under the bed. 1.2613 0.04563 111 84 25 2
883 Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack came down and broke his lizard toes and third eye and Jill put him inside her gilled throat and had him for dinner. 1.2611 0.04440 157 125 23 9
884 And they lived fearfully ever after. 1.2609 0.04519 138 108 24 6
885 It's science fiction, so I'm in character. Plus I can do accents. 1.2606 0.04290 165 131 25 9
886 And then, we took over the planet! Sleep tight, for now. 1.2606 0.04114 165 129 29 7
887 I’ll be reading in first-person. 1.2606 0.04654 142 113 21 8
888 The Very Hungry Extra-Terrestrial by Eric Carle 1.2605 0.04842 119 93 21 5
889 Kindle? What's a Kindle? 1.2605 0.05265 119 96 15 8
890 I can’t believe I get to read my favorite alien space adventure book to an actual alien! 1.2605 0.05265 119 96 15 8
891 This one is called “Probe and Prejudice. 1.2605 0.05265 119 96 15 8
892 But you already know how it ends. 1.2604 0.03801 192 150 34 8
893 Good luck getting anyone to believe this story. 1.2604 0.04049 169 132 30 7
894 I may not be babysitting you much longer. Your Mom is having a hard time with my travel expenses. 1.2604 0.04049 169 132 30 7
895 Goodnight Europa. Goodnight Io. Goodnight Ganymede. Goodnight Callisto... 1.2603 0.04767 146 118 18 10
896 And then the Prince married his second wife and they lived happily ever after. 1.2603 0.04130 146 112 30 4
897 It's not a takeover, it's just a sleepover. 1.2602 0.05270 123 100 14 9
898 Biden opened up the border… and here I am” 1.2600 0.04480 150 119 23 8
899 Don’t you feel better now that I ate the monsters under your bed? 1.2598 0.05026 127 102 17 8
900 Want to know how it ends? 1.2598 0.05149 127 103 15 9
901 Let’s put the science back in fiction 1.2597 0.04202 154 120 28 6
902 Your mom and I have decided to move back to Venus. 1.2597 0.04495 154 123 22 9
903 ...and then he ate the little boy. 1.2595 0.04796 131 104 20 7
904 So the earth continued to warm, and the new life forms lived happily ever after. 1.2595 0.04672 131 103 22 6
905 and although many thought billionaires shouldn’t exist, our kind wouldn’t have been able to adopt you if Mr. Musk never reached Mars 1.2595 0.05035 131 106 16 9
906 I have to admit, I really like this Lord Voldemort character. 1.2593 0.04331 135 104 27 4
907 Well honey, actually you’re abducted. 1.2593 0.04579 135 106 23 6
908 ET no phone home. ET read book. Help sleep. 1.2593 0.04331 135 104 27 4
909 So, yeah, turns out the sister did it. Man, I did NOT see that coming! So much for a higher intelligence, am I right? 1.2590 0.04605 139 110 22 7
910 I read this one eons ago. 1.2590 0.04252 139 107 28 4
911 The time has come to let you know you're adopted. 1.2590 0.04490 139 109 24 6
912 The story is called 'The Abduction'. Do you know what an abduction is? 1.2590 0.04490 139 109 24 6
913 ...and that's the story of how you came to be a part of our family. 1.2590 0.04717 139 111 20 8
914 Once upon a time-warp, E still equaled mc squared." 1.2589 0.05033 112 88 19 5
915 And that is how your world ends. The end. 1.2589 0.03662 224 178 34 12
916 Don't worry, there's no alien being in the closet. 1.2587 0.04406 143 112 25 6
917 I picked this one up from the Roswell library 1.2587 0.04934 143 117 15 11
918 I agree, it does seem a little hard to believe. 1.2587 0.04406 143 112 25 6
919 And so your mommy and daddy lived happily ever after on Mars. 1.2585 0.04433 147 116 24 7
920 That Neil deGrasse Tyson is a real hoot” 1.2585 0.04433 147 116 24 7
921 And That Is The Story Of The Little Alien Who Could 1.2583 0.04454 151 120 23 8
922 And just in case this is a MAGA household, yes I arrived here legally 1.2581 0.04374 155 123 24 8
923 I think you're old enough now to know you were adopted 1.2581 0.04374 155 123 24 8
924 Isn't being read too better than getting probed. 1.2577 0.04316 163 130 24 9
925 "Why didn't you want me to read "Goodnight, Moon'? Does it make you homesick, too?" 1.2576 0.05001 132 107 16 9
926 I know you're upset to learn you're adopted and our real name isn't Nussbaum, so I brought along some light reading that will help explain: Chapter One, 'The Martian Chronicles,' by Ray Bradbury ... 1.2575 0.04492 167 136 19 12
927 I guess you don’t want another ghost story 1.2575 0.04158 167 132 27 8
928 Okay, just one more chapter. But then it's lights out - for all mankind! 1.2574 0.05005 136 111 15 10
929 Now for something REALLY scary: President Trump Gets The Nuclear Codes Again in 2024! 1.2574 0.04782 136 109 19 8
930 Here’s a book our offspring just love: “Goodnight Earth.” 1.2571 0.04345 140 109 26 5
931 I met Major Tom! 1.2571 0.04462 140 110 24 6
932 Goodnight Moon got old, this one is called Goodnight Mars. 1.2571 0.04576 140 111 22 7
933 Goodnight stars, Goodnight air, Goodnight civilization everywhere. 1.2571 0.04343 175 142 21 12
934 Today's story: Scientology. 1.2569 0.04379 144 113 25 6
935 Remember when I said the truth is stranger than fiction? 1.2568 0.04193 148 115 28 5
936 The humans loved their new rulers and everyone lived happily ever after. 1.2568 0.03967 148 113 32 3
937 Long ago, in a Galaxy far, far away.. 1.2568 0.04510 148 118 22 8
938 Are the straps too tight? 1.2568 0.04510 148 118 22 8
939 Yes, you were abducted and no, this isn't your planet. But that doesn't mean we can't enjoy a little Winnie The Pooh. 1.2566 0.04328 152 120 25 7
940 There are no directions in here for treating hallucinations. 1.2566 0.04525 152 122 21 9
941 Once upon a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away... 1.2563 0.04087 160 125 29 6
942 Well this very silly little girl went down to Area 51…. 1.2563 0.03990 160 124 31 5
943 Strangely, all these stories seem to end with a big bang. 1.2563 0.03990 160 124 31 5
944 So your mom and I are getting a divorce. 1.2561 0.04204 164 130 26 8
945 And the superior intergalactic species lived happily ever after. 1.2560 0.04806 125 99 20 6
946 It all started with you believing in Trump... 1.2560 0.05194 125 102 14 9
947 Kqlxp gzn mxst tss Goldilocks pv Cinderella? 1.2560 0.03960 168 131 31 6
948 Oh shoot, is this bedtime story too scary for you? 1.2558 0.04832 129 103 19 7
949 “And so, truth really is stranger than fiction.” 1.2556 0.04732 133 106 20 7
950 Don’t be scared. The Donald can’t get you. 1.2556 0.04732 133 106 20 7
951 This one is a little easier to believe. 1.2556 0.04610 133 105 22 6
952 Don't panic. 42 actually is the answer to everything. 1.2555 0.04751 137 110 19 8
953 You know unicorns don’t exist, right? 1.2553 0.04657 141 113 20 8
954 This is fun, playing "Earth" , isn't it? 1.2553 0.04547 141 112 22 7
955 I'll finish later-I have to phone home now. 1.2553 0.04764 141 114 18 9
956 Let's probe your psyche. Tell me about your mothership. 1.2552 0.04353 145 114 25 6
957 not too hot, not too cold, just right. A goldilocks planet. 1.2552 0.04567 145 116 21 8
958 Alien reading banned books 1.2552 0.04773 145 118 17 10
959 ỻ⎍⋔⏃⋏⌇ 1.2552 0.04671 145 117 19 9
960 Honey, I've been meaning to tell you that you were adopted. 1.2550 0.04680 149 121 18 10
961 Adopted? No way in this world. Why do you ask? 1.2550 0.04380 149 118 24 7
962 Is this a dream, or am I really reading a bedtime story to a human? 1.2549 0.03992 153 118 31 4
963 Excuse me a minute, I have to call home. 1.2549 0.04303 153 121 25 7
964 'Goodnight Moon' is bullshit. 'Goodnight Gliese 581 c' is a classic for the ages. 1.2548 0.04229 157 124 26 7
965 These stories are unworldly! 1.2544 0.04460 114 87 25 2
966 … and then he threw paper towels at the flood victims! 1.2541 0.05015 122 98 17 7
967 Want me to do all the voices? 1.2540 0.04772 126 100 20 6
968 I dunno..I just feel a little spacey... 1.2540 0.05156 126 103 14 9
969 Goodnight room, goodnight moons, goodnight xyxyz jumping over the moons 1.2540 0.04772 126 100 20 6
970 Here’s a favorite: Snow White and the Seven Anal Probes, 1.2538 0.04922 130 105 17 8
971 Would you like a Venus cosmic, galcatic, quantum asteroid, Mars martinini to help you sleep? 1.2538 0.04673 130 103 21 6
972 Well of course War of the Worlds is a bedtime story! 1.2537 0.04455 134 105 24 5
973 And now we're going to read 'Goodnight Mars.' 1.2536 0.04720 138 111 19 8
974 Of course we are carnivores. 1.2535 0.04627 142 114 20 8
975 Not happy with my visits? Call the Space Force! 1.2535 0.04518 142 113 22 7
976 Now let me tell you a story about how no one needs to know that I was here. 1.2535 0.04518 142 113 22 7
977 Ghost story, alien invasion or true crime story? 1.2534 0.04102 146 113 29 4
978 I thought you would have enjoyed, "To Serve Man". 1.2533 0.04250 150 118 26 6
979 We’ve been looking for our commander. You may know him as ‘Elon Musk’” 1.2532 0.04472 154 124 21 9
980 Sorry to wake you, but what does "Gesamtkunstwerk" mean? 1.2532 0.04278 154 122 25 7
981 Sorry, I'm new to this. 1.2532 0.04484 158 128 20 10
982 ...and the remaining earthlings lived happily ever after. 1.2529 0.04340 170 138 21 11
983 And that, Johny, was how we conquered the History Channel. 1.2524 0.05293 103 82 16 5
984 And that’s how mommy and daddy died. 1.2523 0.04697 111 86 22 3
985 ...and that's when the head alien said, 'No, we can't take Mr. Trump back. We're the ones who dumped him here.' THE END. Tomorrow we'll read the story of how Ron DeSantis got here. Good night. Ha ha...ha ha ha ha hahhhhhh. 1.2521 0.04952 119 95 18 6
986 Goodnight people, goodnight cities, goodnight planet. 1.2521 0.05094 119 96 16 7
987 Once upon a Space-Time... 1.2520 0.04978 123 99 17 7
988 Close encounters of the literary kind 1.2520 0.04559 123 96 23 4
989 Well, it's sort of like 'Goodnight Moon,' but in this versions, we blow up the moon. 1.2520 0.04467 127 99 24 4
990 And they all were abducted happily ever after. 1.2519 0.04245 131 101 27 3
991 It was a dark and stormy night... 1.2519 0.04766 131 105 19 7
992 Once upon a time a little boy Steven Spielberg got his first toy camera…. 1.2519 0.04245 131 101 27 3
993 This was my favorite book when I was your age. It's called "To Serve Man." 1.2519 0.04641 131 104 21 6
994 This book is out of this world!! 1.2519 0.04549 135 107 22 6
995 Of course I’m your mother 1.2519 0.04669 135 108 20 7
996 This H. G. Wells fella might be onto something. 1.2518 0.04577 139 111 21 7
997 …and then the bovine creature jumped over the natural occurring satellite… 1.2518 0.04690 139 112 19 8
998 I didn't say , " Take me to your reader." 1.2517 0.04490 143 114 22 7
999 I'm from the mothership. 1.2517 0.04598 143 115 20 8
1000 Goodnight Moon” is fine, but “War of the Worlds” is better 1.2517 0.04490 143 114 22 7
1001 Zargle blobben blorbongorgle 1.2517 0.04490 143 114 22 7
1002 And the humans were never heard from again. 1.2517 0.04148 143 111 28 4
1003 I think we both know how this one ends, don't we, Melania? 1.2517 0.04812 147 121 15 11
1004 Again, no I'm not looking under the bed. 1.2517 0.04329 151 120 24 7
1005 Well, you won't find good babysitters just around the corner! 1.2516 0.04154 155 122 27 6
1006 Do you want the alien ending or the sappy earthling ending? 1.2516 0.04254 155 123 25 7
1007 And they were abducted happily ever after. 1.2516 0.04182 159 126 26 7
1008 once upon a time there lived humans 1.2516 0.04276 159 127 24 8
1009 You know I could simply alter the space-time continuum to put you to sleep, right? 1.2500 0.04573 128 101 22 5
1010 'To Serve Aliens' is a cookbook!? 1.2500 0.04610 132 105 21 6
1011 Why is the part about the alien sucking out your brains keeping you awake 1.2500 0.04519 136 108 22 6
1012 This story is called '"Good Night, Earth." 1.2500 0.04586 148 120 19 9
1013 Am I boring you? Because I could be probing anuses right now. 1.2500 0.04586 148 120 19 9
1014 And that is How I Embodied Your Mother. 1.2500 0.04669 124 98 21 5
1015 Do you want me to read the chapter about probing again? 1.2500 0.04201 152 120 26 6
1016 All the better to see you with, my child. 1.2500 0.04326 156 125 23 8
1017 I suppose it depends on your definition of “happily ever after” 1.2500 0.04274 148 117 25 6
1018 Sure, I’m ET. 1.2500 0.04835 128 103 18 7
1019 Once upon a galaxy far far away... 1.2500 0.04159 160 127 26 7
1020 Don't worry, it's only fiction... 1.2500 0.04096 152 119 28 5
1021 You're a little young to do mushrooms, don't ya think? 1.2500 0.04610 132 105 21 6
1022 Your mother is an alien, and you say the story is odd? Okay. 1.2500 0.04942 124 100 17 7
1023 Sorry, but you’re doomed. Once a civilization abandons the serial comma, demise is imminent. 1.2500 0.05177 116 94 15 7
1024 Your father will return shortly with a bigger fairy tale. 1.2500 0.04994 112 89 18 5
1025 Have you heard of Chernobyl? 1.2500 0.05306 112 91 14 7
1026 No, it's not Science Fiction; it's my memoir." 1.2500 0.04622 120 94 22 4
1027 Of course, "To Serve Man" is a cookbook. 1.2500 0.04960 128 104 16 8
1028 Wake up! Your mom is paying big bucks so you'll learn about time management. 1.2500 0.05030 116 93 17 6
1029 Shh I won't harm you, I'm just sat here looking for wayz to damage earth that you haven't yet already used. Turns out my options are limited 1.2500 0.04597 152 124 18 10
1030 Don't worry...there is nothing under your bed. 1.2500 0.04462 144 115 22 7
1031 Don't worry - the probing thing is just a rumour. 1.2484 0.04577 157 129 17 11
1032 Twas the night before Doomsday, and all through the house... 1.2484 0.04278 153 122 24 7
1033 Oh, I love this book. It has Universal appeal! 1.2483 0.04558 149 121 19 9
1034 ...and then Goldilocks exclaimed, "This planet is just right!" 1.2483 0.04249 149 118 25 6
1035 Would you like the happy ending or the anal probe? 1.2483 0.04354 149 119 23 7
1036 And I thought I had strange eyes. 1.2483 0.04541 145 117 20 8
1037 I'd like to meet this Stephen King fellow. 1.2483 0.04435 145 116 22 7
1038 I think it’s time we have the talk about the blurtles and the bleeves. 1.2483 0.04213 145 114 26 5
1039 And that's how babies are really made. 1.2483 0.04748 145 119 16 10
1040 To Serve Man is my favorite book. 1.2482 0.04244 137 107 26 4
1041 Your mom really liked this part when she was a kid. 1.2482 0.04244 137 107 26 4
1042 On my planet the children have to say goodnight to three moons. 1.2481 0.03908 133 101 31 1
1043 This story will take you out of this world. 1.2481 0.04821 133 108 17 8
1044 Shall we read "Little House on the Asteroid," "The Black Hole Express" Or "Goodnight, Galaxy"? 1.2481 0.04673 129 103 20 6
1045 I must warn you that I tend to levitate when I read the scary parts 1.2481 0.04267 129 100 26 3
1046 You think I'm scary, what till King Kong gets here. 1.2480 0.04349 125 97 25 3
1047 …and that’s what’s really in a Mars bar. 1.2480 0.05036 125 102 15 8
1048 They told you Santa was real, but I wasn’t??? 1.2480 0.04773 125 100 19 6
1049 The moral of the story is "Eat your vegetables, or you'll look like me when you grow up." 1.2480 0.04773 125 100 19 6
1050 Back in the day, we just waited until you fell asleep. 1.2479 0.04841 117 93 19 5
1051 Goodnight World” 1.2479 0.04991 117 94 17 6
1052 And that's how I first met your daddy. 1.2479 0.04991 117 94 17 6
1053 And the aliens took over Earth, enslaved the humans, and lived happily ever after. The End 1.2479 0.04841 117 93 19 5
1054 So, what's Quidditch? 1.2479 0.05137 117 95 15 7
1055 This book brings back such memories. I remember when the cow jumped over the moon. 1.2477 0.04904 109 86 19 4
1056 The light is so much better in here. 1.2468 0.04084 158 125 27 6
1057 Chapter 3: How We Do The Probe ... 1.2467 0.04431 150 121 21 8
1058 …and then the cute little alien who looked like a bunny rabbit took their probe and… 1.2467 0.04224 150 119 25 6
1059 Your science books, absolutely prove that there is no such thing as alien beings. Now you can stop worrying. 1.2467 0.04116 150 118 27 5
1060 Would you rather have me stay under the bed? 1.2466 0.04617 146 119 18 9
1061 Men are from Mars, women are from Venus 1.2466 0.04513 146 118 20 8
1062 But the third planet was JUST right. 1.2465 0.04915 142 118 13 11
1063 Good night, moon. Good night Jupiter. Good night Mars. Good night Xebon 321. 1.2465 0.04378 142 113 23 6
1064 The “happily” part is so quaint. 1.2465 0.04490 142 114 21 7
1065 And the third planet was juuusssstt right. 1.2464 0.04217 138 108 26 4
1066 It’s just an old cookbook. 1.2464 0.04461 138 110 22 6
1067 Then Elon clicked his heels three times and repeated, "There's no place like 9x7#Mpr@*..." 1.2464 0.04578 138 111 20 7
1068 My favorite was Goodnight Andromeda 1.2464 0.04341 138 109 24 5
1069 *And the children were adopted by the Visitors and they lived happily ever after." 1.2463 0.04549 134 107 21 6
1070 According to your history the monsters aren't under your bed, but on top of them. 1.2463 0.04549 134 107 21 6
1071 I'm not a big fan of science fiction either. 1.2463 0.04670 134 108 19 7
1072 Does anyone believe this stuff? 1.2462 0.04641 130 104 20 6
1073 Once upon a what? 1.2462 0.04641 130 104 20 6
1074 No Katie, you can’t phone home” 1.2462 0.04511 130 103 22 5
1075 Try to go to sleep, we're getting an early start in the morning. 1.2462 0.04377 130 102 24 4
1076 So m – M = –5 + 5log(rL) + 2.5log(1+z) and they lived happily ever after. 1.2460 0.04463 126 99 23 4
1077 I locked the doors. It’ll be more intimate. 1.2460 0.04739 126 101 19 6
1078 ...and that, human, is how aliens are made. 1.2460 0.04603 126 100 21 5
1079 What's the matter? Is the story scary? 1.2458 0.05097 118 96 15 7
1080 The next chapter is about Area 51! 1.2455 0.04115 167 134 25 8
1081 I love you to Alpha Centauri.....and back" 1.2455 0.05508 110 91 11 8
1082 Your regular babysitter had to call home. 1.2455 0.05033 110 88 17 5
1083 It wasn't the book, his green skin, nor his three-fingered hands that bothered her, it was how he crossed his legs." 1.2450 0.04199 151 120 25 6
1084 I’m your mother from another planet. 1.2450 0.04092 151 119 27 5
1085 Don’t worry, I didn’t lose my hair until I was 23. 1.2450 0.04303 151 121 23 7
1086 Then the aliens vaporized Earth and lived happily every after. 1.2449 0.04486 147 119 20 8
1087 Now comes the best part when the ET eats the human. 1.2449 0.04273 147 117 24 6
1088 And now for a little science fiction. 1.2449 0.04273 147 117 24 6
1089 All the better to probe you with, my dear. 1.2449 0.04273 147 117 24 6
1090 You’re not allowed to inhabit Captain Marvels body, until you’re eighteen. 1.2448 0.04236 143 113 25 5
1091 The next verse is from The Book of Probes. 1.2446 0.04190 139 109 26 4
1092 And that was the story of the little spaceship that could... 1.2444 0.04639 135 109 19 7
1093 A short time ago in a suburb very near here... 1.2444 0.04518 135 108 21 6
1094 This is too scary, even for me. 1.2444 0.04518 135 108 21 6
1095 This would be way easier if we were both telepathic 1.2444 0.04639 135 109 19 7
1096 Wasn't that bedtime story out of this world? 1.2443 0.04347 131 103 24 4
1097 Aren't your parents ever home? 1.2441 0.05088 127 105 13 9
1098 it's probably the gluten 1.2441 0.04432 127 100 23 4
1099 Yes,that's correct Reese's Pieces 1.2439 0.04667 123 98 20 5
1100 And now on to the lower GI. Fascinating! 1.2439 0.04372 123 96 24 3
1101 ...and the cow was propelled by a hypersonic tractor beam over the moon. 1.2439 0.04944 123 100 16 7
1102 On my planet there are 80 moons to say goodnight to. 1.2439 0.04808 123 99 18 6
1103 It's my first novel 1.2437 0.05197 119 98 13 8
1104 We're in luck! It's the "Collected Stories of Rod Serling". 1.2435 0.04877 115 92 18 5
1105 Why do your eyes look so funny? 1.2434 0.04277 152 122 23 7
1106 You’ll never worry about monsters again after this story 1.2434 0.04378 152 123 21 8
1107 Well, you asked for some space... 1.2432 0.04354 148 119 22 7
1108 And the Lextoids ate the Earthlings and the Morgoes lived happily ever after. 1.2432 0.04458 148 120 20 8
1109 This bedtime story may seem a bit farfetched, but I'm here sitting here bedside to tell you it's true 1.2431 0.04543 144 117 19 8
1110 What? You don’t believe in ghosts? 1.2431 0.04324 144 115 23 6
1111 Okay, time for bed X Æ A-12 1.2429 0.04404 140 112 22 6
1112 It’s not a dream. 1.2422 0.04929 128 105 15 8
1113 I came a bit early. Don’t worry, I’m not supposed to abduct you until you’re asleep. 1.2422 0.04929 128 105 15 8
1114 We could show that little prince a thing or two. 1.2422 0.04673 128 103 19 6
1115 Once upon an eon,in a macrocosm many light years away,lived a Space Cowboy named Maurice 1.2422 0.05172 128 107 11 10
1116 The cow was beamed over the moon. 1.2420 0.04082 157 125 26 6
1117 There is no app for apparitions my dear. 1.2419 0.04490 124 98 22 4
1118 Lady, all during Trump's administration, you complained about lazy, poorly educated aliens. Be happy that I'm a perfectly polite, highly literate alien who can read you great stories. 1.2419 0.04908 124 101 16 7
1119 This is a science fiction book called Robinson Crusoe. 1.2419 0.05168 124 103 12 9
1120 It's an old family recipe 1.2418 0.04450 153 125 19 9
1121 Phyllis soon realized she shouldn't have taken those expired sleeping pills 1.2417 0.04879 120 97 17 6
1122 Oo, oo, here's one. You Americans really don't know your history, do you? 1.2417 0.04733 120 96 19 5
1123 Now this story is out of this world! 1.2417 0.05158 120 99 13 8
1124 Then she said, ‘What big eyes you have.’ 1.2417 0.05020 120 98 15 7
1125 I’ll read the next chapter if you stop freaking out. 1.2417 0.04427 120 94 23 3
1126 The writing is stellar ! 1.2417 0.05020 120 98 15 7
1127 Tell my mom i take it back. She's not the worst mother on the planet. 1.2417 0.04733 120 96 19 5
1128 Maybe after we finish this you can tell me where the ruler of your land resides? 1.2416 0.03768 149 115 32 2
1129 And Grandma replied, 'The better to SEE you with, my dear.' 1.2414 0.04184 145 115 25 5
1130 There's nothing under the bed - yet. 1.2414 0.04297 145 116 23 6
1131 So, do you want to hear the true story of ET? 1.2414 0.04407 145 117 21 7
1132 ...and the human race was eradicated from the face of the earth! THE END 1.2414 0.04297 145 116 23 6
1133 Don't you want to know how it ends? 1.2414 0.04519 116 91 22 3
1134 Don't worry dear you are only young and will look just like your parents when you get older. 1.2414 0.04297 145 116 23 6
1135 Good night moon. Invasion step one. 1.2412 0.04459 170 142 15 13
1136 And the nice little Martians lived happily ever after. 1.2411 0.04602 141 115 18 8
1137 Here's one about abduction. 1.2409 0.04459 137 110 21 6
1138 And then the alien took the earthling with him as it was his turn to bring home dinner..... 1.2409 0.04459 137 110 21 6
1139 See Xzepth and Ogreth run. Run Xzepth, run Ogreth. 1.2407 0.05241 108 88 14 6
1140 Just try not to think about what we're doing to your parents right now. 1.2406 0.04547 133 107 20 6
1141 It’s “Goodnight Moon.” I know a thing or two about it. 1.2406 0.04289 133 105 24 4
1142 I used to be your cat. 1.2406 0.04289 133 105 24 4
1143 Just pretend I’m not here. 1.2406 0.04289 133 105 24 4
1144 Sorry kid. Next time make sure you ask for fiction 1.2406 0.04289 133 105 24 4
1145 This one’s called “Goodnight Earthling.” 1.2403 0.04508 129 103 21 5
1146 Ahhh, there it is, and just in time, so I'll just say Goodnight Moon and go. 1.2403 0.04640 129 104 19 6
1147 Inconceivable? You keep using that word... 1.2403 0.04371 129 102 23 4
1148 Goodnight stars, Goodnight void, Goodnight Earth-bound asteroid 1.2400 0.04405 150 122 20 8
1149 Don't worry. You'll eventually grow up to look normal. 1.2400 0.05707 100 83 10 7
1150 Do you want me to check under the bed for monsters? 1.2398 0.03854 171 136 29 6
1151 Lies, lies, all lies! 1.2397 0.05119 121 100 13 8
1152 Nothing like a scary bedtime story, eh Elouise? 1.2394 0.04112 142 112 26 4
1153 And that’s how our civilization destroyed your civilization. 1.2394 0.04232 142 113 24 5
1154 Once upon a time in the fourth dimension, there lived a beautiful three eyed princess. 1.2394 0.04348 142 114 22 6
1155 I told you not to eat that brownie, dear. 1.2393 0.04646 117 93 20 4
1156 ... and with the last human finally dead, everyone lived happily ever after. 1.2393 0.04067 163 131 25 7
1157 Yes, I know a little about feelings of alienation. 1.2391 0.04548 138 112 19 7
1158 It says here you are best served poached 1.2391 0.04185 138 109 25 4
1159 It's about time I came out of the closet. 1.2391 0.04775 138 114 15 9
1160 My goodness, from the way your classmates reacted, I bet none of the other parent readers bother to get into character at all! 1.2391 0.04430 138 111 21 6
1161 Dad didn't notice either. You owe me ten bucks. 1.2388 0.04391 134 107 22 5
1162 And then they all lived happily ever after... together. Isn't that nice! 1.2388 0.04639 134 109 18 7
1163 Try to visualize the characters. 1.2385 0.04477 130 104 21 5
1164 and Toto lived happily ever after. 1.2385 0.04736 130 106 17 7
1165 Hello? Of course I can speak English. Do you think I'd land here if I didn't? 1.2385 0.04608 130 105 19 6
1166 …I don’t know. This seems a little far fetched. 1.2385 0.04477 130 104 21 5
1167 My, my, is this fellow really your father? 1.2384 0.04671 151 126 14 11
1168 Spoiler alert, it's a cookbook. 1.2384 0.03954 151 119 28 4
1169 This isn't how it actually happened, but I guess it's a classic case of alien versus editor. 1.2381 0.05158 105 85 15 5
1170 Your eyes are just like your mother's. 1.2381 0.04704 126 102 18 6
1171 I'll go home when I've finished this chapter. 1.2381 0.04280 126 99 24 3
1172 And the earthlings all died happily ever after ...The End 1.2378 0.04321 143 115 22 6
1173 Oh, hey kid, you're awake. Did you know Snape kills Dumbledore in this one? 1.2378 0.04087 143 113 26 4
1174 I love this Lorax creature — the Scorched Race had one similar. 1.2377 0.04516 122 97 21 4
1175 Says here you need oxygen to leave earth. What's oxygen? 1.2377 0.04664 122 98 19 5
1176 …and that’s where babies really come from 1.2377 0.04516 122 97 21 4
1177 Once upon a time, there was an alien. 1.2377 0.04664 122 98 19 5
1178 Ok last one. My spaceship is double-parked. 1.2377 0.04041 122 94 27 1
1179 jdaldisdonckxlcsopwjefndmckxosporikjfvncbxxncksosoffijkjdlsdndnckjdkjdhfoieelsknmc 1.2374 0.04519 139 113 19 7
1180 What's an alien anyway? 1.2373 0.04766 118 95 18 5
1181 You know reading stuff like this before bed will keep you up at night! 1.2373 0.04286 118 92 24 2
1182 Once your fever is gone, I won't look like a ghost anymore ! 1.2373 0.04766 118 95 18 5
1183 Where I come from, it’s ‘Goodnight Phobos and Deimos’ 1.2370 0.04727 135 111 16 8
1184 au pair: à young foreigner who provides child care services in exchange for room and board. 1.2370 0.04727 135 111 16 8
1185 Maybe a nice story will help you sleep? 1.2370 0.04608 135 110 18 7
1186 Just wanted to let you know you are not alone in this world. 1.2368 0.05031 114 93 15 6
1187 Goodnight Moon, my favorite. 1.2368 0.04874 114 92 17 5
1188 ...and then THAT investigation into Mr. Trump was stalled again... 1.2368 0.05031 114 93 15 6
1189 It may be only science fiction to you, but this novel reads like my own life story! 1.2368 0.04545 114 90 21 3
1190 And little ET lived happily ever after. 1.2368 0.05031 114 93 15 6
1191 You’ll find me under the bed if you need me later. 1.2368 0.04874 114 92 17 5
1192 Easter Bunny, Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy… It’s no wonder we found you guys first. 1.2368 0.04147 152 122 24 6
1193 This one’s a little out there, but I think you’ll enjoy it. 1.2366 0.04703 131 107 17 7
1194 And the three little aliens lived happily ever after… 1.2366 0.04174 131 103 25 3
1195 Your mother feels Grimm's Fairy Tales will keep you up at night. 1.2366 0.04446 131 105 21 5
1196 It says - to be continued in the next world. 1.2365 0.04534 148 122 17 9
1197 We couldn’t believe there was life on this planet. 1.2364 0.04644 110 87 20 3
1198 E.T. lived one planet over from me. 1.2364 0.05154 110 90 14 6
1199 ...and her parents never believed her. The End. 1.2364 0.04990 110 89 16 5
1200 …and they were all assimilated happily ever after. 1.2364 0.04644 110 87 20 3
1201 Seriously? Every night? 1.2364 0.04820 110 88 18 4
1202 I can't keep reading. There is no such thing as magic. 1.2362 0.04803 127 104 16 7
1203 “Sorry, but hallucination doesn’t come close.” 1.2362 0.04671 127 103 18 6
1204 And after all the children were properly sautéed, the feast commenced! 1.2362 0.04671 127 103 18 6
1205 ...And they all came in peace. The End. 1.2362 0.04803 127 104 16 7
1206 Good Night Moon:The Final Chapter 1.2361 0.04725 144 120 14 10
1207 Twice upon a universe… 1.2361 0.04515 144 118 18 8
1208 Geez mom,you sure look different without your makeup 1.2360 0.03991 161 129 26 6
1209 I guess it's time to let you know that you're adopted. 1.2358 0.04630 123 99 19 5
1210 OK, which of us is a fictional character? 1.2358 0.04630 123 99 19 5
1211 This Clifford they speak of seems powerful and just. He is your Supreme Leader? 1.2358 0.04909 123 101 15 7
1212 Under the bed just felt so impersonal. 1.2358 0.04332 123 97 23 3
1213 This author is so down to earth. 1.2357 0.04602 140 115 17 8
1214 ''We just wanted to make sure you woke up from your recent procedure.'' 1.2353 0.05604 102 85 10 7
1215 Then he asked if he could call home 1.2353 0.04418 119 94 22 3
1216 Your dreams will be out of this world 1.2353 0.04810 136 113 14 9
1217 if it's ghost written, it should be ghost read. 1.2353 0.05246 102 83 14 5
1218 And a quiet old lady who was whispering 'help'. 1.2353 0.05022 119 98 14 7
1219 No. I’m not your usual babysitter. I’m new to the area. 1.2353 0.04658 102 80 20 2
1220 For the last time, there's nothing under your bed. 1.2353 0.04878 119 97 16 6
1221 After demolishing Earth, the extraterrestrial beings lived happily ever after. 1.2348 0.04283 132 105 23 4
1222 [Caption in Brochure Photo] Aliens embrace the value of aftercare 1.2348 0.04416 132 106 21 5
1223 What on Earth should I read? 1.2348 0.04991 115 94 15 6
1224 No, you cannot phone home. 1.2347 0.04541 98 76 21 1
1225 Aw, Epsilon-Minus, we have loved you ever since the day we abducted you. 1.2344 0.04638 128 104 18 6
1226 Goodnight GN-z11, Goodnight HD1 1.2342 0.05112 111 91 14 6
1227 Close encounter of the word kind. 1.2340 0.04461 141 115 19 7
1228 Don’t worry, it’s just a story. 1.2340 0.03851 141 110 29 2
1229 Tonight's bedtime story is about a strange planet whose inhabitants, despite some measurable intelligence, kill each other and poison their air and water. It's called 'Earth.' Did I mention this book is from the non-fiction shelf? 1.2339 0.04737 124 101 17 6
1230 Space Camp wasn’t as expected. 1.2339 0.04873 124 102 15 7
1231 On our planet, this book is called “Goodnight Krybz.” 1.2339 0.04451 124 99 21 4
1232 In the great green room there was a new babysitter... 1.2339 0.04451 124 99 21 4
1233 The abduction agency can help you find your birth planet when you’re older. 1.2339 0.04596 124 100 19 5
1234 I’ve told you before that you’re not allowed sleep in your skin suit 1.2339 0.04451 124 99 21 4
1235 Oh, H.G. Wells, my favorite historian. 1.2339 0.04596 124 100 19 5
1236 And that’s how your parents went bye-bye. 1.2339 0.04451 124 99 21 4
1237 They thought I said, 'Take me to your reader'. 1.2336 0.05070 107 87 15 5
1238 Now do you believe in UFOs? 1.2336 0.04428 137 111 20 6
1239 Stop asking “why?” every other sentence and listen to the story. 1.2336 0.04428 137 111 20 6
1240 … and then the alien went back to his home under the bed. 1.2335 0.03793 167 133 29 5
1241 Goodnight anal probe. 1.2333 0.04862 150 128 9 13
1242 Tonight, let's read a few pages from 'To Serve Man'... 1.2333 0.04841 120 98 16 6
1243 Grandma, what big eyes you have." 1.2333 0.04841 120 98 16 6
1244 It's easy to blame me for feeling alienated 1.2330 0.05200 103 84 14 5
1245 Is the probe bothering you? 1.2329 0.04241 146 118 22 6
1246 Did you notice that I'm in this story? 1.2328 0.04952 116 95 15 6
1247 Once upon a time forty thousand years from now . . . 1.2328 0.05246 116 97 11 8
1248 And, one day, your father just took off… 1.2328 0.04798 116 94 17 5
1249 Hon? I think we double dosed the cough syrup again 1.2328 0.04952 116 95 15 6
1250 MeeP meEp Bee bOo bop bEE Beep 1.2327 0.04297 159 131 19 9
1251 And the planet earth would never be the same again, The End. 1.2326 0.04606 129 105 18 6
1252 There's a shortage of nannies. 1.2326 0.04735 129 106 16 7
1253 Tonight we'll be reading a classic from my childhood, Bleep Bleep Bloop Blop 1.2326 0.04861 129 107 14 8
1254 What do you mean you're tired of The Martian Chronicles? 1.2326 0.04735 129 106 16 7
1255 …And they all feasted on the brains of the earthlings. The. End! 1.2326 0.04472 129 104 20 5
1256 Your species has quite an imagination. Who would believe in a white whale?! 1.2324 0.04432 142 116 19 7
1257 Ghosts are not real, but I am 1.2324 0.04318 142 115 21 6
1258 Gort klacto nichto!" Phooey! No wonder this book was banned 1.2324 0.04201 142 114 23 5
1259 I’ll read you a bedtime story, but then you have to phone home for me 1.2323 0.04725 99 78 19 2
1260 ...and everything returned to the way things were pre-Covid. 1.2323 0.05142 99 80 15 4
1261 You had the same reaction the first five times I read it to you. You won't remember this time either. 1.2321 0.05071 112 92 14 6
1262 I imagine much of this is quite alien to you. 1.2320 0.04837 125 103 15 7
1263 Ever since landing, I've enjoyed reading Harper Lee. What is a Mocking Bird 1.2320 0.04271 125 99 23 3
1264 The cow didn't jump over the moon... it was beamed up. 1.2320 0.04271 125 99 23 3
1265 Can you read the one about the human who came back and saved the planet? 1.2320 0.04117 125 98 25 2
1266 Of course E.T. is a fairy tale. What did you think? 1.2319 0.04151 138 110 24 4
1267 Once upon a solar system . . . 1.2319 0.04277 138 111 22 5
1268 Apartment 51 1.2319 0.04746 138 115 14 9
1269 Don’t believe everything you read. 1.2315 0.04671 108 86 19 3
1270 Do you like my Halloween costume, Verla? The kids are gonna freak out. 1.2315 0.04853 108 87 17 4
1271 This next part scares me. 1.2315 0.04853 108 87 17 4
1272 That was just the first chapter. This is Goodnight Moons” 1.2314 0.04354 121 96 22 3
1273 This a freaky story. 1.2313 0.04357 134 108 21 5
1274 And that was the end of humans. 1.2313 0.04484 134 109 19 6
1275 Is it my accent? 1.2313 0.04103 147 118 24 5
1276 Still awake? Let's try this again. 'Once upon a time, in a land far, far, far away . . . .' 1.2308 0.04914 117 96 15 6
1277 Feeling alienated isn't that bad... I for one think aliens are pretty cool. 1.2308 0.04272 117 92 23 2
1278 I know I’m not from around here, but aren’t you too old for bedtime stories? 1.2308 0.04827 130 108 14 8
1279 Now, see. Didn’t I tell you it would feel just like home when we abducted you. 1.2308 0.04272 117 92 23 2
1280 And this story takes place not so far, far away. 1.2308 0.04761 117 95 17 5
1281 And that's how I met and then ate your parents. 1.2308 0.04174 143 115 23 5
1282 Tell your parents I’m the first line in Wordle. 1.2308 0.04305 130 104 22 4
1283 This is scarier for me than it is for you. 1.2308 0.05205 117 98 11 8
1284 T’was the night before Annihilation, when all through the house… 1.2308 0.04164 130 103 24 3
1285 To Serve Man" is a cookbook! Now that's funny 1.2308 0.04441 130 105 20 5
1286 I suppose I might as well tell you... you're adopted. 1.2308 0.04761 117 95 17 5
1287 The sooner you fall asleep, the sooner I can get to the Halloween party. 1.2308 0.04914 117 96 15 6
1288 gosh, living my dream: bedtime reading a paper book to an alien 1.2308 0.04404 143 117 19 7
1289 Yes, it has to be Ayn Rand! I warned you that you might end up wishing you’d opted for the anal probing. 1.2308 0.04914 117 96 15 6
1290 Once upon a time in a galaxy far, far away . . . . 1.2302 0.03996 139 110 26 3
1291 Here's a yummy one,. "To Serve Man." 1.2302 0.04488 139 114 18 7
1292 Did I say, ‘Ignite Moon’? I’m sorry, I meant, ‘Goodnight Moon.’ 1.2302 0.04388 126 101 21 4
1293 I'd phone home but the wifi is down. In the meantime, more H.G. Wells: 'No one would have believed in the last years of the nineteenth century that this world was being watched keenly and closely by intelligence greater than man's...' 1.2302 0.04530 126 102 19 5
1294 Goodbye, Moon. Goodbye, Earth... 1.2302 0.04668 126 103 17 6
1295 ...And she was abducted and lived happily ever after. Sweet dreams honey! 1.2302 0.04241 126 100 23 3
1296 Mom’s good at voices, but I inhabit the character. 1.2302 0.05060 126 106 11 9
1297 This little piggy went to Mars. This little piggy phoned home. 1.2302 0.04388 126 101 21 4
1298 I didn't like the new Star Wars either. 1.2302 0.04668 126 103 17 6
1299 Wow. This is surprisingly correct. 1.2302 0.04388 126 101 21 4
1300 And that's how we made you. 1.2301 0.04870 113 92 16 5
1301 Your bed time stories are really, "out of this world" 1.2301 0.04870 113 92 16 5
1302 How about another funny story from Stephen King? 1.2301 0.05184 113 94 12 7
1303 Your mother? She's hiding under the bed. 1.2296 0.04064 135 107 25 3
1304 Would you like something spooky tonight? There is one here with the little pigs and a wolf... 1.2296 0.04198 135 108 23 4
1305 One more story, then it's lights out. 1.2296 0.04064 135 107 25 3
1306 Once upon a time warp 1.2295 0.05045 122 102 12 8
1307 ...and then Little Billy burst out of the human's chest. 1.2295 0.05045 122 102 12 8
1308 These abduction stories got it all wrong. 1.2295 0.04625 122 99 18 5
1309 So I found these really neat stories labeled ‘top secret’ on my last trip through Florida. Can’t wait to read these to you. 1.2295 0.04625 122 99 18 5
1310 Would you prefer science fiction? 1.2292 0.04264 144 117 21 6
1311 And the alien and his hostage lived happily ever after. 1.2290 0.04542 131 107 18 6
1312 Benji wonders if it’s a good idea to read fairy tales. 1.2290 0.04275 131 105 22 4
1313 It's not science-fiction. The same thing happened to my cousin Irma. 1.2290 0.04136 131 104 24 3
1314 And the UFO landed safe and sound…” Can you believe I found this in the fiction section? 1.2290 0.04275 131 105 22 4
1315 It’s sci-fi 1.2290 0.04669 131 108 16 7
1316 I know you don't believe this story either. 1.2290 0.04542 131 107 18 6
1317 I’ll leave out the probe part 1.2289 0.03976 166 135 24 7
1318 We much prefer reading stories than abducting. 1.2288 0.04408 118 94 21 3
1319 ...And that's what will happen in the future. 1.2288 0.04876 118 97 15 6
1320 Boy do I have a spoiler for you. 1.2288 0.04408 118 94 21 3
1321 Reason number 5066 why we’d prefer you keep Bezos and Musk on your own planet 1.2288 0.04569 118 95 19 4
1322 Are you tired of ghost stories? 1.2286 0.03562 140 108 32 0
1323 On that other planet, kids can use their phones all day long. 1.2286 0.04098 140 112 24 4
1324 And they think we're scary ...another Grimm tale dear? 1.2286 0.05286 105 87 12 6
1325 Once upon a time, in a galaxy far, far away, there was a little girl who read too much science fiction. 1.2283 0.04357 127 102 21 4
1326 Don't worry. I left the bookmark in. 1.2283 0.04357 127 102 21 4
1327 Now there’s no reason to be scared of the monster hiding under your bed. 1.2283 0.04635 127 104 17 6
1328 One more chapter. Then, it's time to get sleepy. 1.2281 0.04499 114 91 20 3
1329 Wendy, it's me - Peter Pan. 1.2281 0.04990 114 94 14 6
1330 Would you like another chapter of 'Goodbye Moon'" 1.2281 0.05292 114 96 10 8
1331 I am reading you Then Martian Chronicles in the first person. 1.2279 0.04424 136 111 19 6
1332 Hard to believe. But yes, he is Luke’s father. 1.2279 0.04171 136 109 23 4
1333 Go home, ET, I really want to just count sheep. 1.2276 0.04443 123 99 20 4
1334 Goodnight Earth" has always been a favorite 1.2276 0.04591 123 100 18 5
1335 It's my new cookbook. 1.2276 0.04591 123 100 18 5
1336 But little Newt thought the third Xenomorph's bed was juuust right... 1.2276 0.04734 123 101 16 6
1337 And then we served man until the supply ran out. 1.2273 0.04773 110 89 17 4
1338 Don't worry, this story isn't real. 1.2273 0.04773 110 89 17 4
1339 Ok, just a few more pages. I've got 70 million miles to get back to Mars. 1.2273 0.04773 110 89 17 4
1340 And all the earthlings were happily exterminated. The end. 1.2273 0.04773 110 89 17 4
1341 Goodnight 83 moons" is one of my favorite bedtime storie 1.2273 0.04246 132 106 22 4
1342 So tales of Earth colonization and human annihilation DON'T help you drift off ... ?! 1.2273 0.04071 154 125 23 6
1343 And that’s how I met your dad sweetheart… 1.2273 0.04246 132 106 22 4
1344 That's hilarious, Ginni...I don't believe in you either! 1.2269 0.04689 119 97 17 5
1345 It's odd because I was born here. 1.2269 0.04839 119 98 15 6
1346 "Goodnight moon. Goodbye Earth. Farewell humanity..." 1.2269 0.04535 119 96 19 4
1347 What do you think? Science fiction or science fact? 1.2269 0.04689 119 97 17 5
1348 Ah, no. I don't have "Goodnight Moon." 1.2269 0.04535 119 96 19 4
1349 No, I do not live under the bed. 1.2268 0.05386 97 80 12 5
1350 Almost finished this one. How about The Martian Chronicles next? 1.2267 0.04350 150 124 18 8
1351 So she kissed the frog, and it turned into a handsome alien from another galaxy. 1.2266 0.04466 128 104 19 5
1352 And the humans lived happily ever after in free range farms and delivered fresh to intergalactic tables. 1.2266 0.04602 128 105 17 6
1353 Okay. One more story before the pre-abduction probe. 1.2266 0.04602 128 105 17 6
1354 And then the mother ship came and took them all. The end. 1.2266 0.04602 128 105 17 6
1355 If you go to bed, I'll let you ride my UFO tomorrow. 1.2266 0.04466 128 104 19 5
1356 And then the captain cried out, ‘beam me up!’ My word have you ever heard of anything so ridiculous? Beam me up! 😆 Bwahahaha. What galaxy are these people from?!? 1.2264 0.05240 106 88 12 6
1357 Your mother thought that reading you a bedtime story might help us bond a bit better before our move from earth 1.2264 0.04698 106 85 18 3
1358 I'll be sleeping under your bed. 1.2264 0.04886 106 86 16 4
1359 Goodnight Teacup Galaxy and QSR J1819… 1.2263 0.04143 137 110 23 4
1360 As you hit puberty you'll start to experience all sorts of strange and alien changes to your body. 1.2263 0.04143 137 110 23 4
1361 Personally, I would categorize it as non-fiction, not science fiction" 1.2263 0.04633 137 114 15 8
1362 …And that’s how minuscule you are in this universe. 1.2263 0.04271 137 111 21 5
1363 This one is called 'Goodbye Moon'. 1.2261 0.05102 115 96 12 7
1364 My dad used to read me ‘Goodnight Moons’! 1.2261 0.04793 115 94 16 5
1365 Okay, one more story before we beam you to the mother ship. 1.2261 0.04289 115 91 22 2
1366 At bedtime, Zelda loves to be read sci-fi stories from outer space. 1.2258 0.04699 124 102 16 6
1367 Grimm’s Fairy Tails? No, in the true history of my people, Hansel and Grettle turned out to be very tasty… 1.2258 0.04837 124 103 14 7
1368 It's called Green Eggs and Arsenic. 1.2258 0.04149 155 127 21 7
1369 The ending makes more sense in Venusian. 1.2258 0.04699 124 102 16 6
1370 But first, some facts. 1.2256 0.04218 133 107 22 4
1371 But the third bear said, 'This sulfuric acid is just right.' 1.2256 0.04846 133 112 12 9
1372 Don't worry....when your Mom returns she won't have aged". 1.2255 0.04808 102 82 17 3
1373 Oops! It looks like you’ve reached your limit of free articles. 1.2254 0.04514 142 118 16 8
1374 And then the aliens rose up and killed all the humans, and they all lived happily ever after 1.2254 0.04047 142 114 24 4
1375 I think you’ll find that this book is out of this world. 1.2254 0.04168 142 115 22 5
1376 You're still awake? 1.2252 0.04735 111 90 17 4
1377 ... and they lived creepily every after. 1.2252 0.04558 111 89 19 3
1378 Thank you for being our sensitivity reader. We want to make sure we are not alienating humans 1.2252 0.04558 111 89 19 3
1379 This is a good one. The earthlings all die. 1.2250 0.04178 120 95 23 2
1380 So I was a star on "My Favorite Martian." I still need to do odd jobs to collect Medicare. 1.2250 0.04342 120 96 21 3
1381 Take me to your leader. The End. 1.2250 0.05085 120 101 11 8
1382 What's Critical Race Theory? 1.2250 0.04945 120 100 13 7
1383 Actually, we prefer the title of Extra Terrestrials, "aliens", tends to be somewhat derogatory. Now where was I ? Ahh yes... In The Beginning. 1.2250 0.04342 120 96 21 3
1384 And Goldilocks came aboard the spaceship with the three bears and lived happily ever after. 1.2250 0.04342 120 96 21 3
1385 You call this a cookbook? 1.2248 0.04153 129 103 23 3
1386 Relax. What's to worry about? 1.2248 0.04153 129 103 23 3
1387 …and they lived happily ever afterlife. 1.2246 0.04116 138 111 23 4
1388 …. And that’s how Central Banking worked out… the end 1.2246 0.04243 138 112 21 5
1389 True, we found you in the cabbage patch in a distant solar system. 1.2245 0.05335 98 81 12 5
1390 It'll be much easier to read if you don't hold it upside down. 1.2245 0.04707 98 78 18 2
1391 ...and they all were probed, happily ever after. 1.2245 0.05135 98 80 14 4
1392 And then the strange visitor said, “Take me to your reader." 1.2243 0.04466 107 85 20 2
1393 No, this is not a cookbook. 1.2243 0.04844 107 87 16 4
1394 OK, so it's not as good as Where the Wild Things Are 1.2243 0.05196 107 89 12 6
1395 These rhymes seem alien to me! 1.2243 0.04844 107 87 16 4
1396 We felt left out when you only said goodnight to the moon 1.2241 0.04257 116 92 22 2
1397 ... and that's how we kidnapped mum and dad. 1.2241 0.04257 116 92 22 2
1398 And then Goldilocks said, “This probe is JUST RIGHT…” 1.2241 0.05061 116 97 12 7
1399 chapter 4: How the greys invented silicon, velcro, and microwave ovens. 1.2240 0.04665 125 103 16 6
1400 Goodnight Andromeda, Goodnight blexkin jumping over Andromeda... 1.2240 0.04934 125 105 12 8
1401 I get it. I’m not what you expected. Can we continue or would you rather go to my place? 1.2240 0.04379 125 101 20 4
1402 Those three pigs sound delicious. 1.2240 0.04379 125 101 20 4
1403 Okay if we read 'Goodnight Mars' again? 1.2240 0.04524 125 102 18 5
1404 They either said instruct or abduct; let’s do both! 1.2240 0.04665 125 103 16 6
1405 A spacey bedtime story 1.2240 0.04379 125 101 20 4
1406 Sorry to wake you. Can you take me to your library? 1.2240 0.04230 125 100 22 3
1407 And you thought I'd gone home 1.2240 0.04074 125 99 24 2
1408 This might be a little advanced for you. 1.2239 0.04322 134 109 20 5
1409 I promise, ghost stories are alien to me. 1.2239 0.04322 134 109 20 5
1410 Damn, your history books are way off. We were watching, this is not how it went down. 1.2238 0.04485 143 119 16 8
1411 You said you would read me something out of this world. 1.2234 0.05486 94 78 11 5
1412 I can't believe she doesn't know that's not her grandma 1.2233 0.04962 103 84 15 4
1413 THE END! Sweet dreams and don't let the ETs bite. 1.2232 0.04696 112 91 17 4
1414 And to alien, a good night. 1.2232 0.04865 112 92 15 5
1415 And that's how the earth ends 1.2232 0.04522 112 90 19 3
1416 That's not what happened; I was there. 1.2231 0.04766 121 100 15 6
1417 Chapter six, 'The Probe' 1.2231 0.04908 121 101 13 7
1418 Goodnight Moon? Haha he's been asleep for years 1.2231 0.04467 121 98 19 4
1419 I’m your new parental unit. The old ones have been reassigned. 1.2231 0.04467 121 98 19 4
1420 Have you said your prayers? 1.2231 0.04766 121 100 15 6
1421 What do you mean, "Not another Area 51 story" 1.2231 0.04147 121 96 23 2
1422 No, i don't need to phone home I already texted, we’re going to Zoom tomorrow, now go to sleep. 1.2231 0.04619 121 99 17 5
1423 This isn't a nightmare, sweetie 1.2231 0.04667 130 108 15 7
1424 After this, I'll tell you the real deal about "Goodnight Moon" . . . 1.2231 0.04267 130 105 21 4
1425 Your mother will be back next week. 1.2231 0.03665 130 101 29 0
1426 Awe sweetheart there are no aliens in the closet. 1.2230 0.03960 139 111 25 3
1427 And all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a snevellopian cyborg 1.2230 0.04456 139 115 17 7
1428 Proxima Centauri B is the most likely habitable planet in the known universe? Man, whoever wrote that has obviously never been anywhere near there. 1.2222 0.04873 117 97 14 6
1429 Witches, giants, wolves, grinches...your stories are so sweet. 1.2222 0.04293 135 110 20 5
1430 Here's one guaranteed to keep you up all night. 1.2222 0.04348 126 102 20 4
1431 Then Goldilocks neutralized the three bears so they couldn't impede the aliens' arrival. 1.2222 0.04719 117 96 16 5
1432 Oh this book? It's just a cookbook, remind me Billy...how much do you weigh again? 1.2222 0.04804 108 88 16 4
1433 You'll sleep for a hundred million years and then wake up in my galaxy just ahead of the light from this lamp. 1.2222 0.04293 135 110 20 5
1434 Good night chairs, Good night room, You are going to the moon. 1.2222 0.04419 135 111 18 6
1435 So this one is about my dad. It's called ET. 1.2222 0.04348 126 102 20 4
1436 Goodnight, Roswell 1.2222 0.04804 108 88 16 4
1437 Goodnight Phobos. 1.2222 0.04293 135 110 20 5
1438 So do you now think extra terrestrials have arrived on Earth ? 1.2222 0.04665 99 79 18 2
1439 Now Timmy, we both know there are no such thing as monsters. 1.2222 0.04348 126 102 20 4
1440 Don’t worry, I checked for monsters. 1.2222 0.04804 108 88 16 4
1441 So, who do you think wins in this one? 1.2222 0.04200 126 101 22 3
1442 Should we skip to THE END? 1.2222 0.04560 117 95 18 4
1443 …and when she woke up it was 10,000 years later in a different planet 157 light years away. The end. Sweet dreams. 1.2222 0.04162 135 109 22 4
1444 Don’t lose sleep. The monster is clearly a metaphor. 1.2222 0.04396 117 94 20 3
1445 Let me read Goodnight Mars to you. It'll take you places Goodnight Moon couldn't. 1.2222 0.04631 126 104 16 6
1446 Then she was abducted and lived happily ever after. 1.2222 0.04293 135 110 20 5
1447 And for your lullaby, would you like to hear, "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" or "Fly me to the Moon?" 1.2222 0.04981 108 89 14 5
1448 Itsy Bitsy Spider — ha! That's a 1,000-pounder on my planet. 1.2222 0.04492 126 103 18 5
1449 Sorry, but every chapter in Getting To Know Humans requires the probe." 1.2222 0.04162 135 109 22 4
1450 Where I’m from we call them just ‘Chronicles’ 1.2222 0.04348 126 102 20 4
1451 I just love Dickens, don't you? 1.2215 0.04364 158 133 15 10
1452 Don’t worry, the alien version of Mr. Darcy is just as dreamy 1.2215 0.04134 149 122 21 6
1453 Don't be scared, it's just fiction 1.2214 0.04653 140 118 13 9
1454 ...And that's how I probed your mother. 1.2214 0.04506 131 108 17 6
1455 You ought to know how it ends by now. 1.2214 0.04238 131 106 21 4
1456 And that's how we conquered that planet before we came to Earth. 1.2214 0.04097 131 105 23 3
1457 That concept is entirely alien to me 1.2213 0.04584 122 100 17 5
1458 How about "Snow White and the Seven Dwarf Planets"? 1.2212 0.04825 113 93 15 5
1459 They changed the book a lot when they made Close Encounters. 1.2212 0.04659 113 92 17 4
1460 And humans lived happily after after aliens monitored their midterms. 1.2212 0.05458 104 88 9 7
1461 …And WE lived happily ever after. The end. 1.2212 0.04725 104 84 17 3
1462 Once upon a time, in a galaxy close close to home 1.2212 0.04312 104 82 21 1
1463 I cannot believe humans still want to read instead of absorbing through telepathy. It explains why development is at snails pace on earth. 1.2212 0.04725 104 84 17 3
1464 This story is out of your world. 1.2206 0.04264 136 111 20 5
1465 Chapter 3, Probing. 1.2206 0.04264 136 111 20 5
1466 Do your eyes close before you doze off or at the same time? 1.2205 0.04732 127 106 14 7
1467 Do you mind if I read a science fiction story? 1.2205 0.04317 127 103 20 4
1468 ‘Fifty Shades Of Little Green Men’ is a classic on Mars. 1.2203 0.04683 118 97 16 5
1469 Trump tried to warn you. 1.2203 0.04835 118 98 14 6
1470 Wasn't that story out of this world! 1.2203 0.04683 118 97 16 5
1471 Once upon a time from a galaxy far far away...... 1.2203 0.04835 118 98 14 6
1472 And that’s why you don’t start a series when only the first book is out. 1.2203 0.04525 118 96 18 4
1473 ‘ Googally gleek blag oop.’Haha! 1.2202 0.05108 109 91 12 6
1474 Goodnight space. Goodnight spheres. Goodnight probes in human rears. 1.2202 0.05272 109 92 10 7
1475 And my favorite recipe calls for young xanderloin from Sarcops…but you’ll do. 1.2202 0.04939 109 90 14 5
1476 Where I’m from it’s called “Goodnight Earth.” 1.2202 0.04393 109 87 20 2
1477 Margaret Atwood is so good, right? 1.2200 0.05041 100 82 14 4
1478 You're not reading science fiction - Science Fiction is reading 1.2198 0.05369 91 75 12 4
1479 Sorry, but we wrote the book. 1.2197 0.04726 132 111 13 8
1480 The sun did not shine, yet still too hot to play. Mother Nature said, 'Please, take the humans away.' 1.2195 0.04402 123 100 19 4
1481 Once upon a time, when the earth was invaded by friendly aliensthe humans were jubulent at the prospect of acquiring superiour technology from them, only to be disappointed that they were still driving gasoline powered space vehicles." 1.2195 0.04551 123 101 17 5
1482 My story is much more interesting. 1.2195 0.03921 123 97 25 1
1483 Once upon a gzorbel ... 1.2193 0.04946 114 95 13 6
1484 If you think that one was scary, wait till I tell you about a former president hiding top secret documents in his closet and doing who-knows-what with them. That'll keep you up at night. 1.2193 0.04622 114 93 17 4
1485 Relax. 1.2193 0.04273 114 91 21 2
1486 I feel just fine after my Covid shots, I dont see why the worry face. 1.2190 0.05238 105 88 11 6
1487 I wish you’d stop whining about your parents’ abduction. This Stephen King story will cheer you up. 1.2190 0.04876 105 86 15 4
1488 ‘Well, now that we have seen each other,’ said the Unicorn, ‘if you’ll believe in me, I’ll believe in you. Is that a bargain?’ 1.2190 0.05060 105 87 13 5
1489 Hello, moon. 1.2190 0.04236 137 112 20 5
1490 Would it help if I regurgitated your parents so you can say goodnight? 1.2190 0.04600 137 115 14 8
1491 And that's when Alice realized she wasn't in Wonderland. 1.2188 0.05381 96 80 11 5
1492 And then the imperialists aboard the Enterprise invaded our tranquil planet destroying life as we knew it.” 1.2188 0.05173 96 79 13 4
1493 …and that’s how the alien heroes saved Earth from the earthlings. 1.2188 0.04957 96 78 15 3
1494 It’s a sweet bedtime story called “War of the Worlds.” 1.2188 0.04141 128 103 22 3
1495 I told you: no sci-fi! It gives you nightmares 1.2185 0.04491 119 97 18 4
1496 That is correct..."How to Serve Humans" is a cookbook. 1.2185 0.04647 119 98 16 5
1497 Goodnight room, goodnight Lunar Object XP-74. 1.2185 0.04647 119 98 16 5
1498 Huh? Who's ET? 1.2185 0.04798 119 99 14 6
1499 And so the Sun swallowed up the whole Earth and all of its pollution, and everyone else in the Galaxy lived happily ever after. 1.2185 0.04491 119 97 18 4
1500 You feel alienated? Oh, I get it! 1.2182 0.04725 110 90 16 4
1501 Due to previously unforeseen high costs of fuel and labor, your abduction has been postponed indefinitely. 1.2182 0.04725 110 90 16 4
1502 And that's why it's always important to phone home. 1.2182 0.04725 110 90 16 4
1503 Back in a flash. My flying saucer is double parked. 1.2182 0.04357 110 88 20 2
1504 All the Fleptar horses and all the Fleptar men, couldn't put Benzax-IV together again." 1.2182 0.04898 110 91 14 5
1505 And they lived happily ever after for 10,000 years! 1.2182 0.04898 110 91 14 5
1506 Goodnight lamp. Goodnight moon. Goodnight earth, the invasion’s soon. 1.2182 0.04898 110 91 14 5
1507 I know I just flew in the window, but you would you like to hear how I met your mother? 1.2180 0.04180 133 108 21 4
1508 And they were probed happily ever after. The end. 1.2180 0.03898 133 106 25 2
1509 And they all lived happily ever after in servile captivity on my planet. 1.2180 0.04571 133 111 15 7
1510 I’m more into probing the mind with a good book! 1.2180 0.04180 133 108 21 4
1511 One Spock, two Spock, red Spock, blue Spock. 1.2177 0.04517 124 102 17 5
1512 It'a a fabulous story. You will be transported. 1.2177 0.04370 124 101 19 4
1513 Mommy and Daddy climbed into the saucer and flew away, never to be seen again. The End. 1.2177 0.04058 124 99 23 2
1514 And so Red Riding Abductee said “what big eyes you have.” 1.2174 0.03949 138 111 24 3
1515 Let Us Begin 'To Serve Mankind.' 1.2174 0.04907 115 96 13 6
1516 Goodnight Kepler 452b 1.2174 0.05208 115 98 9 8
1517 I find this story hard to believe 1.2174 0.04585 115 94 17 4
1518 And that is how you were born! 1.2174 0.04416 115 93 19 3
1519 Goodnight moon 38, goodnight moon 39, goodnight.... 1.2174 0.04907 115 96 13 6
1520 Another ghost story? 1.2174 0.04749 115 95 15 5
1521 Next thing I know this missile bumps me off course and here I am! 1.2174 0.04585 115 94 17 4
1522 There are no monsters under your bed. 1.2174 0.04585 115 94 17 4
1523 Yes, I wrote the one about coming out of the closet. 1.2171 0.04664 129 108 14 7
1524 We've gone over all this, as long as I kill the planet, suppress women, and say dumb stuff, I should be fine here. 1.2171 0.04533 129 107 16 6
1525 Incisive and probing!” I vote we read this one 1.2171 0.04112 129 104 22 3
1526 I've checked twice already. There's no monster under the bed. 1.2170 0.04447 106 85 19 2
1527 No,why would you think your adopted? 1.2167 0.04457 120 98 18 4
1528 …and then you know what happened…that annoying human being with the orange hair rode in on his unicorn and snatched your country from the perils of democracy… 1.2167 0.05183 120 103 8 9
1529 We just read "Synthhead and the Three Droids" yesterday, today, how about, "The Proteinpaste Man" instead, you love that one! 1.2167 0.04611 120 99 16 5
1530 This is a really good simulation of back home, don't you think? 1.2167 0.04611 120 99 16 5
1531 …..And you will live happily ever after on Mars 1.2165 0.04910 97 79 15 3
1532 Your father and I met at the International Space Station. 1.2162 0.04508 111 90 18 3
1533 mom it's not Halloween yet 1.2162 0.04686 111 91 16 4
1534 In a world far, far away... 1.2162 0.04858 111 92 14 5
1535 I'm going to run again! 1.2162 0.05023 111 93 12 6
1536 And they all lived happily ever after in slimy, pulsating pods. 1.2162 0.04686 111 91 16 4
1537 Once upon a time in a land...aw,screw it,I'm here to exterminate your species. 1.2160 0.04484 125 103 17 5
1538 I come in peace and for that hair. 1.2160 0.04626 125 104 15 6
1539 To serve man. It's a cookbook. 1.2160 0.04030 125 100 23 2
1540 The flyovers weren't getting enough attention, so we are making some house calls, Mary. 1.2160 0.04626 125 104 15 6
1541 But I thought you wanted to role play, honey” 1.2160 0.04338 125 102 19 4
1542 Can we take a quick break? I just need to phone home. 1.2160 0.04338 125 102 19 4
1543 How about a good fantasy tonight? In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. 1.2157 0.05329 102 86 10 6
1544 Illegal aliens are some of the best readers of people. 1.2157 0.04951 102 84 14 4
1545 Once upon a time, a spaceship landed in the backyard. 1.2157 0.05144 102 85 12 5
1546 the labor shortage called for extra terrestrial measures. 1.2157 0.04751 102 83 16 3
1547 Goodnight stars, Goodnight air, Goodnight noises everywhere. 1.2155 0.04207 116 93 21 2
1548 We’ve changed the title to “Goodnight Earth.” 1.2155 0.04382 116 94 19 3
1549 Twas the night before End-Time and down in the mud Not a creature was stirring or feasting on blood... 1.2155 0.04550 116 95 17 4
1550 Yes, but, let’s face it. Sagan was the man. 1.2155 0.04868 116 97 13 6
1551 Do you not have any books with pictures? 1.2155 0.04550 116 95 17 4
1552 Try to focus on the story - not the reader. 1.2155 0.04207 116 93 21 2
1553 . . . and the troublesome Earthlings were blown to smithereens. 1.2155 0.04382 116 94 19 3
1554 It's either science or fiction, not both. 1.2155 0.04868 116 97 13 6
1555 And here comes the scary part. 1.2155 0.04382 116 94 19 3
1556 Perhaps you're too young for the 'Joy of Probing.' 1.2155 0.04207 116 93 21 2
1557 I know he reads better, but he's pupating now. 1.2155 0.05020 116 98 11 7
1558 I'll talk Hallowe'en, you'll be scared, it'll all work out. 1.2154 0.04366 130 107 18 5
1559 I said no ghostbusters 1.2154 0.04227 130 106 20 4
1560 You used to be so down to earth. 1.2154 0.04227 130 106 20 4
1561 Let's stop on page 51. 1.2154 0.03935 130 104 24 2
1562 Once upon a time…in Area 51… 1.2151 0.05036 93 76 14 3
1563 This one I wrote the very day you were abducted. 1.2150 0.04410 107 86 19 2
1564 Where I come from it's a very popular story. 1.2150 0.04605 107 87 17 3
1565 “I’m trying my best, but some of these words are alien to me.” 1.2150 0.05148 107 90 11 6
1566 We find house calls less intrusive. 1.2150 0.04793 107 88 15 4
1567 So what's the deal with airplane food? 1.2150 0.04974 107 89 13 5
1568 Where do they come up with these crazy sci-fi stories? 1.2150 0.04793 107 88 15 4
1569 If you don't want science fiction, have your mom read to you. 1.2149 0.04868 121 102 12 7
1570 It’s bedtime and you are JUST telling me u need a costume for school tomorrow?!” 1.2149 0.04725 121 101 14 6
1571 An that’s when I kidnapped your parents. 1.2148 0.04256 135 111 19 5
1572 . .and they lived happily on Zernyx ever after. 1.2148 0.04384 135 112 17 6
1573 Good night stars,good night air,good night nightmares everywhere 1.2148 0.04384 135 112 17 6
1574 Oh yes, honey, be afraid, be very afraid! 1.2143 0.04096 112 89 22 1
1575 And they all lived ever after in mutual distrust. The end. 1.2143 0.04157 126 102 21 3
1576 I think I know how this ends. 1.2143 0.04307 126 103 19 4
1577 You know, this stuff is true. 1.2143 0.04648 112 92 16 4
1578 Do you want the truth - or the Government’s version? 1.2143 0.05280 98 82 11 5
1579 I guess you really are what you read. 1.2143 0.05141 112 95 10 7
1580 Don't worry, it's only science fiction. 1.2143 0.04818 112 93 14 5
1581 that's a really ugly carpet 1.2143 0.04982 112 94 12 6
1582 ...and ET phoned home but the line was busy. 1.2143 0.04982 112 94 12 6
1583 And then Congress was hit by a UFO, and out of the rubble, you could still hear Lindsay Graham shouting, 'But I thought I was the only being in the universe!" 1.2143 0.04644 98 79 17 2
1584 Goodnight Io. Goodnight cow jumping over the Io. 1.2143 0.04648 112 92 16 4
1585 Some call it Sci-Fi, but we know better - don't we? 1.2143 0.04648 112 92 16 4
1586 Some people still think it was just a radio show. 1.2143 0.04818 112 93 14 5
1587 This is all a dream. 1.2137 0.04348 117 95 19 3
1588 Oh, you have no parents. We made you. 1.2137 0.04675 117 97 15 5
1589 She chose your dad as her ‘plus one’. 1.2137 0.04514 117 96 17 4
1590 I know Stephen King was not the best choice for putting you to sleep before abduction but the book was signed for me by the author. 1.2137 0.04348 117 95 19 3
1591 Goodbye moon and goodbye room. The end. 1.2137 0.04675 117 97 15 5
1592 ...and that's why we sent Zuckerberg to Earth. 1.2137 0.04514 117 96 17 4
1593 They're going to catch the whale, be patient -- Ha. Get it! 1.2136 0.05281 103 87 10 6
1594 And so, just like that the humans were freed of their parasitic domestic rulers whom they forever feared and made bad movies about. 1.2132 0.04228 136 112 19 5
1595 No, this is bye bye moon, the true story. 1.2131 0.04391 122 100 18 4
1596 quiet, it's just a fairy tale. 1.2130 0.04753 108 89 15 4
1597 Chapter Three: Anal Probes 1.2130 0.04753 108 89 15 4
1598 Yeah well, Ender's Game wasn't exactly a picnic for us either little kid. 1.2130 0.04567 108 88 17 3
1599 The movie was better. 1.2130 0.05271 108 92 9 7
1600 I'll be right heeeeere. 1.2130 0.04567 108 88 17 3
1601 tonights story is... false equivalences assumed real. 1.2130 0.04567 108 88 17 3
1602 This proves Congresswoman Greene has it all wrong. They’re not Jewish Space Lasers, they’re Klingon. 1.2130 0.04753 108 89 15 4
1603 In a galaxy that really isn’t too far from me… 1.2128 0.05212 94 78 12 4
1604 I'm anxious for the probing to begin. 1.2126 0.04559 127 106 15 6
1605 How about something sci-fi? 1.2126 0.04559 127 106 15 6
1606 It's called 'To Serve Mankind'. 1.2126 0.04420 127 105 17 5
1607 Well, I'm not so sure EVERYONE will be living happily ever after. 1.2126 0.04276 127 104 19 4
1608 I’d say it’s time for your prayers but we literally killed your God ages ago. 1.2124 0.04611 113 93 16 4
1609 Well, shall we go. / Yes, let's go. / (They do not move)." Hahahahaha! Beckett was such a card 1.2124 0.04941 113 95 12 6
1610 Once upon a time, there was a little planet named Earth. 1.2121 0.05030 99 82 13 4
1611 Don't look so worried, it has a happy ending. 1.2121 0.05030 99 82 13 4
1612 ...and, they lived happily ever after in alien captivity. The End 1.2121 0.04692 132 112 12 8
1613 ...the human child walked up the ramp to the alien ship and was never heard from again. The end! 1.2121 0.05030 99 82 13 4
1614 Someday I’ll tell you the real history of the pyramids. 1.2121 0.05030 99 82 13 4
1615 I never heard this version of ‘Goodnight Moon.’ 1.2121 0.05030 99 82 13 4
1616 Wait until you hear about area 52. 1.2119 0.04161 151 126 18 7
1617 Before we start,I’ll need the password. 1.2119 0.04638 118 98 15 5
1618 Chapter 4: The Probe of Terror 1.2119 0.04315 118 96 19 3
1619 This is me without my makeup. 1.2119 0.04315 118 96 19 3
1620 Once upon time there was a planet called Earth 1.2119 0.04480 118 97 17 4
1621 Then, the girl in the bed glared at the alien. 1.2119 0.04480 118 97 17 4
1622 Now,your parents told me I could have any snack in the house.. 1.2119 0.04792 118 99 13 6
1623 …And no one lived happily ever after. 1.2117 0.04200 137 113 19 5
1624 Where I come from the aliens have goofy little eyes, hair on their heads, and wear clothes. It's frightening. 1.2115 0.04864 104 86 14 4
1625 Good Night Moon is a favorite of mine too. 1.2115 0.04464 104 84 18 2
1626 And they were probed and returned to the cow pasture and lived happily ever after ... 1.2115 0.04464 104 84 18 2
1627 Can I get back under the bed now? 1.2114 0.04041 123 99 22 2
1628 And now a story about your Daddy’s life as a slave on Xenon B. 1.2114 0.04358 123 101 18 4
1629 Just let me finish this book about the birds and the bees and I'll be right with you 1.2111 0.04605 90 72 17 1
1630 …and that’s the story of how your planet overheated and became uninhabitable. 1.2110 0.04890 109 91 13 5
1631 So after the Galaxy banished him, Elon was lonely and we met on a dating app that he developed and that's where babies come from. Now go to sleep. 1.2110 0.04890 109 91 13 5
1632 Just relax. You are not alone.” 1.2110 0.04890 109 91 13 5
1633 A cow jumping over the moon is just not believable. 1.2110 0.04713 109 90 15 4
1634 Ok if we skip to the end? It’s my molt night. 1.2110 0.04529 109 89 17 3
1635 The word had a different meaning then 1.2110 0.04890 109 91 13 5
1636 And the Alien and the Earthling lived happily ever after. 1.2109 0.04526 128 107 15 6
1637 And when she fell asleep they took her to the spaceship and almost everyone lived happily ever after. 1.2109 0.04342 147 124 15 8
1638 Let's call it a night, it I continue you may have nightmares. 1.2105 0.04940 95 78 14 3
1639 Once upon the continuum of space-time... 1.2105 0.04780 133 114 10 9
1640 And then she assimilated the entire human race and lived happily ever after. The end. 1.2105 0.04401 114 93 18 3
1641 Now comes the scary part. 1.2105 0.04001 133 108 22 3
1642 It’s “Goodnight MOONS “ . And I’m from Jupiter . We got 69 . So settle on… 1.2105 0.04901 114 96 12 6
1643 Don't worry - I'll move my flying saucer before the Street Sweeper gets here! 1.2105 0.04940 95 78 14 3
1644 Trust me, loving you to Centarie-12 and back means even more. 1.2105 0.04408 133 111 16 6
1645 Sleepy yet? 1.2105 0.04141 133 109 20 4
1646 Alright, ONE more story, then off to cryogenic hypersleep. 1.2105 0.04276 133 110 18 5
1647 And then Red said ‘Grandma, what enormous mandibular protrusions you have.’ 1.2102 0.04044 157 131 19 7
1648 Sorry, that’s just marsh gas. 1.2101 0.04172 138 114 19 5
1649 After Catch-22, we can do a probe followed by a craniotomy, or a craniotomy followed by a probe. 1.2101 0.04755 119 100 13 6
1650 The obsolete species was updated and lived adequately for a while. 1.2101 0.04282 119 97 19 3
1651 In a universe long long away, in a time long long ago... 1.2101 0.03935 119 95 23 1
1652 And when the conquered the Earth, they lived happily ever after! 1.2101 0.04282 119 97 19 3
1653 The book is so good Newton I am reading it at the speed of light. The gravity of the situation is that I am not sure I can stay put all night to finish it. 1.2101 0.04603 119 99 15 5
1654 Good night Moon; Bye-Bye Earth. Welcome Supreme entity of Planet X9SP67QT. 1.2101 0.04603 119 99 15 5
1655 Do not fret. The mathematical probability of your falling asleep is even higher than my being here." 1.2100 0.04560 100 81 17 2
1656 Let's review the abduction guide 1.2100 0.05374 100 85 9 6
1657 Any other problems understanding the collapse of the superposition state? Good! 1.2097 0.04620 124 104 14 6
1658 This Moby Dick character is so misunderstood. 1.2097 0.04475 124 103 16 5
1659 Science fiction you say? This is medieval literature! 1.2097 0.04475 124 103 16 5
1660 Don't you think that bedtime story was out of this world? 1.2095 0.04822 105 87 14 4
1661 Don't be scared. I came to acclimatize you. 1.2095 0.04628 105 86 16 3
1662 In the great green room, there was a cell phone and a VR headset, and a livestream of cows jumping over moons and moons. 1.2095 0.05008 105 88 12 5
1663 Trust me it’s just sleep paralysis… 1.2095 0.04822 105 87 14 4
1664 ...and after Alice fell in to the Black Hole she realized that she wasn't part of the Milky Way Galaxy anymore! 1.2093 0.04494 129 108 15 6
1665 Your parents will be back as soon as we finish probing them. 1.2093 0.04216 129 106 19 4
1666 What is so scary about a stepmother? 1.2093 0.05515 86 72 10 4
1667 So they vaporized her and lived happily ever after. 1.2093 0.04216 129 106 19 4
1668 And the baby human said “someone’s been sleeping in my bed and that alien is still here!” 1.2091 0.03895 110 87 23 0
1669 A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away... 1.2091 0.04302 110 89 19 2
1670 Don't worry Timmy, we'll have your parents back in time for breakfast." 1.2091 0.04492 110 90 17 3
1671 I'm thinking the superior beings are going to live happily ever after. 1.2091 0.04674 110 91 15 4
1672 Up for some science fiction? 1.2091 0.04849 110 92 13 5
1673 Think I’m ready for the poetry slam? 1.2091 0.04492 110 90 17 3
1674 …then they colonized the entire solar system and lived happily ever after. 1.2091 0.04674 110 91 15 4
1675 Little Green Riding Hood said,‘Grandma,what small eyes you have.’” 1.2090 0.04113 134 110 20 4
1676 Okay, one more chapter but then it's straight to Gamma Hydron III for you young man!" 1.2088 0.05303 91 76 11 4
1677 Your parents will be back in a flash 1.2087 0.04537 115 95 16 4
1678 Then they said, “Take me to your reader.” 1.2083 0.04048 144 119 20 5
1679 Now, I’m going to read something to you really far out. 1.2083 0.04250 120 98 19 3
1680 Bedtime story, mind-probe...whatever. 1.2083 0.05112 96 80 12 4
1681 There are no strangers here - only people you haven't met..... 1.2083 0.04082 120 97 21 2
1682 And that's the end of "Alien in Wonderland"... 1.2083 0.04412 120 99 17 4
1683 Once the aliens were able to leave Earth they went home and lived happily ever after. 1.2083 0.04718 120 101 13 6
1684 Rest assured, a few more tests and your parents will be back. 1.2083 0.04718 120 101 13 6
1685 I come in War and Peace. 1.2083 0.04865 120 102 11 7
1686 Me reading your diary is going to be the least probing part of the evening. 1.2080 0.04295 125 103 18 4
1687 The sooner you get to sleep, the sooner I can get to work. 1.2079 0.04520 101 82 17 2
1688 But 8 years of DeSantis was not MAGA enough. So next they installed DJT Jr. as Dear Leader. Junior continued deregulation, picked a fight with former ally France, blew up the planet. We came down, saved you to preserve the human species... THE END 1.2079 0.05324 101 86 9 6
1689 Jewish space lasers? I think you spend too much time in online message boards, kid. 1.2079 0.04939 101 84 13 4
1690 Pirate stories scared me too when I was your age. 1.2079 0.05135 101 85 11 5
1691 Just because I’m leaving, doesn’t mean you’re all alone. 1.2079 0.04520 101 82 17 2
1692 I have no idea why I'm doing this! 1.2075 0.04589 106 87 16 3
1693 Don't worry. I will just sit by here and watch you sleep peacefully. 1.2075 0.04589 106 87 16 3
1694 Our representation in mainstream publishing is really improving these days. 1.2075 0.04780 106 88 14 4
1695 Did you know aliens are real? 1.2075 0.04965 106 89 12 5
1696 And they experimented on her happily ever after. 1.2072 0.04809 111 93 13 5
1697 One last one and then I will go home, promise. 1.2072 0.04267 111 90 19 2
1698 And then he grew potatoes in his own feces if you can believe that! 1.2072 0.05138 111 95 9 7
1699 "Before we begin, would you care to know the ending and your emotional reaction to it?' 1.2072 0.04809 111 93 13 5
1700 Stay sharp, Kevin. We’ve still got 46 more laws of power to go. 1.2072 0.04635 111 92 15 4
1701 So, I phoned home and look what happened! Yeah they wanted me, but only to babysit for you. 1.2072 0.04635 111 92 15 4
1702 Then the Princess and ET moved to a trailer park and lived happily ever after. 1.2072 0.04455 111 91 17 3
1703 In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.. 1.2072 0.04976 111 94 11 6
1704 ...and they all were horrified, but peaceful.The end 1.2071 0.03724 140 113 25 2
1705 So the girl swore undying allegiance to the new master race and they all lived happily ever after. 1.2069 0.05206 87 72 12 3
1706 I'm illiterate. Functionally, though. 1.2069 0.03902 145 119 22 4
1707 I thought you liked Science Fiction. 1.2069 0.05456 87 73 10 4
1708 And they glrped happily ever after. 1.2069 0.04332 116 95 18 3
1709 The first thing EVERYONE asks about is the anal probe. What's with you people? 1.2069 0.05456 87 73 10 4
1710 And they probed earthlings happily ever after. 1.2069 0.04155 116 94 20 2
1711 Funny, you call it science-fiction, we call it ancient history 1.2069 0.04332 116 95 18 3
1712 This book f**ckin' sucks. 1.2069 0.04366 145 123 14 8
1713 And that's how the Prince and Princess got anal probes on their honeymoon. The end. 1.2069 0.04665 116 97 14 5
1714 And the precious larvae lived inside the little boy, happily ever after. The end. 1.2069 0.05456 87 73 10 4
1715 •○●□■•• ** ¤☆ or as you human say they lived happily ever after 1.2069 0.04976 116 99 10 7
1716 And from that day forward, Earth's inhabitants rejoiced in their enslavement. The end. 1.2066 0.04378 121 100 17 4
1717 ..and then the Aliens took over and they lived happily ever after. The End 1.2066 0.04378 121 100 17 4
1718 So I landed and said, “Take me to your leader.” Some guy in a red hat said, “We’re still working on restoring him to power. You may as well wait it out at Judy’s house at 26 Maple Street.” 1.2063 0.04410 126 105 16 5
1719 Think this story is scary? Wait 'til my friends arrive! 1.2063 0.04112 126 103 20 3
1720 A long time ago in a galaxy that's actually not that far, far away.... 1.2063 0.04264 126 104 18 4
1721 Then we ate the brains of all the little Earth children and lived happily ever after. 1.2062 0.05271 97 82 10 5
1722 Which would you like? "Goodnight V766 Centauri Aa" or "Goodnight Betelgeuse" 1.2062 0.04847 97 80 14 3
1723 These characters are so not universal. 1.2062 0.05664 97 84 6 7
1724 And then it was time for the nightly anal probe! 1.2061 0.04157 131 108 19 4
1725 I'll read you the one where you hit your husband with a frying pan 1.2061 0.04431 131 110 15 6
1726 This normally helps my kids get to sleep. 1.2059 0.04058 136 112 20 4
1727 We're only up to D and this has me hooked. 1.2059 0.04894 102 85 13 4
1728 I just feel like Asimov really speaks to me. 1.2059 0.05276 102 87 9 6
1729 Forget ‘Goodnight Moon’ - this is the straight scoop. 1.2059 0.04692 102 84 15 3
1730 None of this turns out well for you or man kind. 1.2059 0.04692 102 84 15 3
1731 Alice in Wonderland" is one trippy book. What planets were the author ON 1.2059 0.04563 136 116 12 8
1732 That's it for tonight. We've got a big day of probing tomorrow. 1.2059 0.04480 102 83 17 2
1733 Don't mind me. I'm just reading about how to serve man. 1.2059 0.04692 102 84 15 3
1734 So that's all the probing questions I have... Why? What were you expecting? 1.2056 0.04739 107 89 14 4
1735 This book is wrong, we only come in one shade of grey 1.2056 0.04550 107 88 16 3
1736 ...and then "How to Serve Man" turned out to be a cook book. 1.2056 0.04351 107 87 18 2
1737 That’s weird. When I turn the pages with my mind all the words disappear. 1.2056 0.04144 107 86 20 1
1738 Well then, young man, it's time to get to sleep. I think we've had enough of Stephen King's "Fairy Tale" for one night. 1.2056 0.04144 107 86 20 1
1739 Please explain what is Bitcoin? 1.2056 0.04922 107 90 12 5
1740 Once upon a time continuum... 1.2056 0.04922 107 90 12 5
1741 Chapter I. . . A Monster Arrives from Outer Space. 1.2056 0.04144 107 86 20 1
1742 I didn't know my stepmom was into this 1.2054 0.04597 112 93 15 4
1743 Now comes the good stuff about Martians. 1.2054 0.04597 112 93 15 4
1744 It looks like Halloween came early Mommy. 1.2054 0.04597 112 93 15 4
1745 This is my favorite part. The Martians leave the UFO, take the human, and return to outer space. 1.2054 0.04233 112 91 19 2
1746 How about a scary story about Earth people? 1.2054 0.04769 112 94 13 5
1747 #{}£\+*%]##{ and then…|!\%*]%% 1.2054 0.04769 112 94 13 5
1748 Once upon a space and time… 1.2054 0.04769 112 94 13 5
1749 Here's a reading from Gray's Anatomy. 1.2054 0.04419 112 92 17 3
1750 Trigger warning... this next one has scenes of abduction, probing, and inexplicable bovine mutilation 1.2054 0.04769 112 94 13 5
1751 Goodnight Moon when we take over your planet. 1.2054 0.04233 112 91 19 2
1752 Don’t be afraid, it’s just a story. 1.2054 0.04597 112 93 15 4
1753 I’ve got a story that’s out of this world” @aaamanda 1.2054 0.04597 112 93 15 4
1754 Surrender, or we destroy your species with spoilers. 1.2051 0.04629 117 98 14 5
1755 Poltergeist,” with pictures from my family album 1.2051 0.04298 117 96 18 3
1756 And that, is your family history. 1.2051 0.04467 117 97 16 4
1757 Unless you tell us where Scooby Doo is, I will continue reading The Martian Chronicles for a 3rd time. 1.2051 0.04629 117 98 14 5
1758 Acording to the Letters of Paul... 1.2051 0.04785 117 99 12 6
1759 And the aliens in "War of the Worlds"...er...defeated all the humans. The End. 1.2049 0.04499 122 102 15 5
1760 Yeah. Sorry. There's no story, either. 1.2049 0.04346 122 101 17 4
1761 And all the carbon-based life forms lived happily ever after, until they realized they were just bred as food for their alien overlords. The End. 1.2049 0.04647 122 103 13 6
1762 I'm so glad we got the Twilight Zone collection, aren't you? 1.2049 0.04022 122 99 21 2
1763 Good night moon. Good night room. Good night to life as you know it. 1.2049 0.04346 122 101 17 4
1764 Goodnight stars. Goodnight air. Goodnight probes in your derriere. 1.2049 0.04499 122 102 15 5
1765 This next story will seem a little alien to you. 1.2048 0.05355 83 69 11 3
1766 Goodnight room, goodnight moon, goodnight Planet 4x-71 past Alpha Centauri... 1.2047 0.04083 127 104 20 3
1767 Outer space is different from your inner space. 1.2047 0.04519 127 107 14 6
1768 The part about eating humans on the holidays was just a joke. 1.2047 0.03883 171 144 19 8
1769 Once upon a millennium, ... 1.2045 0.03986 132 108 21 3
1770 I always read when you can't sleep. 1.2045 0.03986 132 108 21 3
1771 Goodnight moon man 1.2045 0.05152 88 73 12 3
1772 Goodnight Canis Major Dwarf Galaxy… 1.2045 0.04891 88 72 14 2
1773 Goodnight, Moon Creature 1.2043 0.04968 93 77 13 3
1774 I brought a great book: "To serve man". Have you read it? 1.2043 0.05198 93 78 11 4
1775 And so it just goes to show there is nothing new under the 70 billion suns in this galaxy 1.2042 0.03940 142 117 21 4
1776 Good night,Flongbork. Good night,Glemp. Good night to the old shpeedle whispering "zaff"... 1.2042 0.03940 142 117 21 4
1777 No, I don’t have any Reese’s Pieces. 1.2041 0.04802 98 81 14 3
1778 It’s just not what I was expecting. 1.2041 0.05222 98 83 10 5
1779 ET read book 1.2041 0.04342 98 79 18 1
1780 We don’t have banned books back home. I had to come see what the fuss was about! 1.2041 0.04342 98 79 18 1
1781 We have our own Kama Sutra. 1.2039 0.04221 103 83 19 1
1782 A wall?" "Really? 1.2039 0.05043 103 87 11 5
1783 Are you sure I should read you these Grimm tales? I don’t want you to have bad dreams. 1.2039 0.04441 103 84 17 2
1784 ...and-the-cow-jumped-over-the-moon. A-violation-of-inter-galactic-law. Cow-was-vaporized. 1.2039 0.05043 103 87 11 5
1785 Maybe some fairy-tales will help you sleep? Some light Newtonian physics? Euclidean geometric sequences? Maybe something with puppies? 1.2039 0.04650 103 85 15 3
1786 Don’t worry—it’s not a cookbook! 1.2037 0.04315 108 88 18 2
1787 And that, my dear, is how Drew Barrymore and her friends saved my great grandmother from the government agents 1.2037 0.04880 108 91 12 5
1788 You know, I shouldn't be reading these scary stories to you at bedtime. 1.2035 0.04730 113 95 13 5
1789 Who is H. G. Wells? 1.2035 0.04199 113 92 19 2
1790 ‘And that is how I met your mother’ 1.2035 0.04894 113 96 11 6
1791 Where I come from, children are not fond of screens. 1.2034 0.04593 118 99 14 5
1792 What big eyes you have Grandma 1.2034 0.04748 118 100 12 6
1793 You won't believe how this ends. 1.2033 0.04313 123 102 17 4
1794 I still can't get over what my husband said to me today 1.2033 0.04156 123 101 19 3
1795 It was a hot summer day in 1947. The city was Roswell, New Mexico. 1.2033 0.04754 123 105 11 7
1796 A Tale of 2 Galaxies. It was the best of space-times it was the worst of space-times… 1.2033 0.04754 123 105 11 7
1797 Good evening, allow me to scare the shit out of you. 1.2031 0.04486 128 108 14 6
1798 This sci-fi stuff sure hits home 1.2031 0.04486 128 108 14 6
1799 You’re so much like your mother. She liked science fiction, too! 1.2031 0.04203 128 106 18 4
1800 The ending is out of this world. 1.2030 0.04237 133 111 17 5
1801 Perhaps reading from your retirement fund is a little too scary before bed. 1.2022 0.04842 89 73 14 2
1802 Consider it more of a close encounters of the Thoreau kind. 1.2022 0.05343 89 75 10 4
1803 This was banned in multiple solar systems. 1.2021 0.04682 94 77 15 2
1804 This is way better than the drivel we read. 1.2021 0.04682 94 77 15 2
1805 Trust me, there no monsters under the bed. 1.2020 0.04536 99 81 16 2
1806 I'll tell you when to say 'Hush"".. 1.2020 0.05368 99 85 8 6
1807 Good night, sleep tight, don't let the sentient robotic insects we've proliferated throughout your planet bite! 1.2019 0.04609 104 86 15 3
1808 They all shouted “Hail Queen Sigourney!” and lived happily ever after. 1.2019 0.04185 104 84 19 1
1809 Will you be my Mummy 1.2019 0.04609 104 86 15 3
1810 Dear, this alien story will do wonders for your insomnia. 1.2019 0.04609 104 86 15 3
1811 I know, I’m not a fan of fantasy either, but this was the only book I could find. 1.2019 0.04609 104 86 15 3
1812 History lesson. 1.2018 0.04280 109 89 18 2
1813 Would you like to hear a human story? 1.2018 0.04660 109 91 14 4
1814 Who is this Voldemort guy anyway? 1.2018 0.04660 109 91 14 4
1815 Okay, on my planet Cinderella eats the prince...get over it. 1.2018 0.04660 109 91 14 4
1816 And they were teleported happily ever after. 1.2018 0.04280 109 89 18 2
1817 Huckleberry Finn reminds me of my cousin Girkrux. 1.2018 0.04280 109 89 18 2
1818 My what big eyes you have, said Little Red Earthling. All the better to zap you with, said the Big Green Alien. And she fell into a deep trance from which she never awakened. 1.2018 0.04660 109 91 14 4
1819 Give me a good Mystery over Science Fiction anyday 1.2018 0.04660 109 91 14 4
1820 And they all landed, happily ever after! 1.2018 0.04692 114 96 13 5
1821 Listen kid. I'll read these Grimms' Fairy Tales to ya if ya want. But they gave my kids nightmares for weeks. 1.2018 0.04349 114 94 17 3
1822 Tonight’s reading: “To Observe Man.” 1.2018 0.04524 114 95 15 4
1823 Once upon a time on Mars... 1.2018 0.04166 114 93 19 2
1824 And that's a complete history of your home planet. 1.2018 0.04349 114 94 17 3
1825 And that son was how I met your mother. 1.2018 0.05012 114 98 9 7
1826 And that's how the aliens saved us from the AI. 1.2018 0.04855 114 97 11 6
1827 Flying away from the burning Earth, the aliens lived happily ever after never missing the humans. 1.2017 0.04233 119 98 18 3
1828 This will not hurt one little bit. 1.2017 0.04061 119 97 20 2
1829 Once upon a time — now just close your eyes — people though aliens were from south of the border or from over the seas, but then in the 21st century, we landed from outer space, and people realized what alien really meant. 1.2017 0.04711 119 101 12 6
1830 Once upon a timeshare on Uranus.... 1.2017 0.04233 119 98 18 3
1831 Sorry, but you will only be allowed to save two friends during the invasion. 1.2017 0.04398 119 99 16 4
1832 No, I don't know any stories in which humans abduct aliens. 1.2016 0.04282 124 103 17 4
1833 I love this one. It's out of this world! 1.2016 0.04578 124 105 13 6
1834 Peter Pan? A flying child? That’s unbelievable! 1.2016 0.04126 124 102 19 3
1835 What?! The ending to this H.G. Wells novel is a such a joke! 1.2016 0.04282 124 103 17 4
1836 Just then Emily realized her mommy had turned into one of those cheesy Spielberg aliens. 1.2016 0.04316 129 108 16 5
1837 These americans are just coming into space and taking all our jobs 1.2016 0.04316 129 108 16 5
1838 Of course we'd have to call this science non-fiction now wouldn't we? 1.2015 0.03932 134 110 21 3
1839 Mommy and daddy will be phoning home soon 1.2000 0.04637 95 78 15 2
1840 Our kids will love this story. 1.2000 0.04569 105 87 15 3
1841 And they lived happily ever after under the bed. 1.2000 0.04487 115 96 15 4
1842 There's an Alien in the House, that's a silly one! 1.2000 0.04364 120 100 16 4
1843 Chapter 4, Richard Dreyfuss' Identity Crisis... 1.2000 0.04364 120 100 16 4
1844 And then they lived unidentified ever after. 1.2000 0.04495 100 82 16 2
1845 You’re tired of history books? OK, I’ll stop reading “The Martian Chronicles” to you. 1.2000 0.04766 105 88 13 4
1846 Anything but those phony aliens from outer space stories 1.2000 0.04487 115 96 15 4
1847 I know. It’s kind of a scary story. 1.2000 0.04522 120 101 14 5
1848 Oh. Sheep don't work for you guys either? 1.2000 0.04766 105 88 13 4
1849 This one's just Fermi. 1.2000 0.04250 125 104 17 4
1850 It's called a book. It has only one story, and you are supposed to read it over and over again for fun. No streaming. 1.2000 0.04569 105 87 15 3
1851 " Who is this Stephen King ? 1.2000 0.04487 115 96 15 4
1852 And now, for the 912th time, the story of how we conquered your planet. 1.2000 0.04314 115 95 17 3
1853 Like Sam I like green eggs and ham! 1.2000 0.04487 115 96 15 4
1854 Then we ate all of humankind. The end. 1.2000 0.04080 140 117 18 5
1855 Yes Mary, sometimes truth is stranger the fiction. 1.2000 0.04522 120 101 14 5
1856 and then in 2024, after giving Mr. Trump 10 billion dollars and the promise of unlimited TV time, he handed over the deed to you country" 1.2000 0.04924 100 84 12 4
1857 It was a shame that you could not come trick-or-treating with us today. 1.2000 0.04793 90 74 14 2
1858 I know I talk funny 1.2000 0.04250 125 104 17 4
1859 Oh, I love this kid's book, A Brief History of Time! 1.2000 0.04815 115 98 11 6
1860 Once upon a time doesn't exist - the end. 1.2000 0.04654 115 97 13 5
1861 Told you, I was better than your grandma. 1.2000 0.03906 135 111 21 3
1862 And the humanoid cried, "wee wee wee" all the way back to their pathetic planet. 1.2000 0.04793 90 74 14 2
1863 Papa bear ate momma bear and then he ate baby bear. 1.2000 0.04766 105 88 13 4
1864 Wow, you really bring the story to life. 1.2000 0.04487 115 96 15 4
1865 Did you know the Earth goes around the sun? 1.2000 0.04637 95 78 15 2
1866 How to serve humans” is my favorite bedtime story! 1.2000 0.04569 105 87 15 3
1867 And you're actually a robot. The End. 1.2000 0.04815 115 98 11 6
1868 The abduction part is really the best part, isn’t it? 1.2000 0.04244 110 90 18 2
1869 Now say your prayers,and wish Mommy a safe trip . 1.2000 0.04201 120 99 18 3
1870 Once upon a time, in a galaxy far away… 1.2000 0.04314 115 95 17 3
1871 Now this looks scary. 1.2000 0.03945 115 93 21 1
1872 And with the simple push of a button, Commander Zgnrsk of the Gardok Imperial Army vaporized the planet Earth with a massive ionized death ray blast! And the universe lived happily ever after. 1.2000 0.04924 100 84 12 4
1873 Goodnight Europa. 1.2000 0.04250 125 104 17 4
1874 Well Son, according to this, there are aliens living on planet Earth. 1.2000 0.04045 135 112 19 4
1875 Why don't Hansel and Gretel phone home? 1.2000 0.04031 120 98 20 2
1876 Don’t you just LOVE Sundays? 1.2000 0.04654 115 97 13 5
1877 …..And they lived happily ever after.. ..on Nebula 257.b. Now, go to sleep!” 1.2000 0.04244 110 90 18 2
1878 But then the aliens arrived on Earth. The End. 1.2000 0.04134 115 94 19 2
1879 Sometimes the truth is stranger than fiction, Timmy. 1.2000 0.05749 85 73 7 5
1880 Is all science fiction this funny? 1.2000 0.04487 115 96 15 4
1881 And you can take that ridiculous mask off too 1.2000 0.04437 110 91 16 3
1882 And then they used up their planetary water supply. 1.2000 0.04495 100 82 16 2
1883 It’s time for your nocturnal hibernation story. 1.2000 0.04839 80 65 14 1
1884 Are you sure I’m not adopted? 1.2000 0.04766 105 88 13 4
1885 I’m at the part where the woman thinks she sees an alien. 1.1985 0.04018 136 113 19 4
1886 When we say “the end” we mean it. 1.1985 0.04523 131 112 12 7
1887 Can you sleep now? 1.1984 0.04219 126 105 17 4
1888 We're trying intellectual probing. 1.1984 0.04219 126 105 17 4
1889 Chapter 6: Yet More Anal Probing 1.1983 0.04638 121 103 12 6
1890 I am surprised that you find "Good Night Moon" scary. 1.1983 0.04487 121 102 14 5
1891 ET? He tasted great with sauce after we got him home. 1.1983 0.04487 121 102 14 5
1892 Goon night moon. Good night human doom. 1.1983 0.04785 121 104 10 7
1893 I can't believe they made Adam and Eve humanlike in your version. 1.1983 0.04169 121 100 18 3
1894 ...With evil planet Earth destroyed, the universe was finally safe. And they all lived happily ever after. The end. 1.1983 0.04280 116 96 17 3
1895 Goodnight, moon. Goodnight, cow beamed to the moon. 1.1983 0.04280 116 96 17 3
1896 Good night, Saturn and its lovely rings, Good night, Billy, who has seen some things… 1.1983 0.04280 116 96 17 3
1897 Why so gloomy? I'm here to introduce you to the outer limits. 1.1983 0.04452 116 97 15 4
1898 Then she married the handsome Alien Prince, and lived happily ever after on his big flying saucer in the sky. 1.1983 0.04101 116 95 19 2
1899 It's not you, it's me. 1.1983 0.04777 116 99 11 6
1900 Then Goldilocks was teleported by a tractor beam up into the Mother Ship where a probe was inserted into her nether parts to determine her physiological profile. 1.1983 0.04280 116 96 17 3
1901 You know, I knew H.G. Wells. 1.1982 0.04400 111 92 16 3
1902 Are you as beautiful on the inside? 1.1982 0.04400 111 92 16 3
1903 Once upon a time, a satellite dropped an alien into your bedroom and... 1.1982 0.04210 111 91 18 2
1904 And now some Tolstoj! 1.1982 0.04582 111 93 14 4
1905 Are you ready for your bedtime nightmare? 1.1982 0.04210 111 91 18 2
1906 I know story time may be an alien concept... 1.1982 0.04210 111 91 18 2
1907 I’ve heard of immersive story telling, but you look ridiculous. 1.1982 0.04011 111 90 20 1
1908 Read me the part about how you all built the Pyramids 1.1982 0.04582 111 93 14 4
1909 Please -- no more sci-fi! 1.1981 0.04724 106 89 13 4
1910 I'm actually the monster that lives over your head 1.1981 0.04530 106 88 15 3
1911 Don't worry as soon as we have finished our probes of your parents we will beam them back. 1.1981 0.04724 106 89 13 4
1912 Vonnegut didn't get that part right 1.1981 0.03890 106 85 21 0
1913 On my planet it’s called “Good Night Moons.” 1.1981 0.04530 106 88 15 3
1914 So I said, “take me to your dealer” and the rest is history 1.1981 0.04911 106 90 11 5
1915 Consider yourself lucky, my father read to me telpathically 1.1981 0.04724 106 89 13 4
1916 You're afraid of monsters? Let me tell you about my agoraphobia. 1.1981 0.04530 106 88 15 3
1917 It's called a book. These were quite popular back in my day. 1.1981 0.04911 106 90 11 5
1918 And the world exploded into oblivion.” Sleep well, princess 1.1980 0.03985 101 81 20 0
1919 Do you want to hear the one about Snow White and the Seven Little Green Men? 1.1980 0.04879 101 85 12 4
1920 It says to give you homemade chicken soup. What’s a chicken? 1.1980 0.04454 101 83 16 2
1921 in the beginning… 1.1980 0.04879 101 85 12 4
1922 So this Atwood human is non-fiction, yes? 1.1980 0.04879 101 85 12 4
1923 We could do a make-over instead? 1.1979 0.04826 96 80 13 3
1924 You said you were feeling alienated, so I thought I'd help you confront your feelings. 1.1979 0.04826 96 80 13 3
1925 And the Princess and the Prince and their symbiote lived happily ever after! 1.1979 0.04826 96 80 13 3
1926 If you'd prefer, we can skip past the cattle mutilations and move right on to your rectal probe... 1.1979 0.05261 96 82 9 5
1927 So, do you want to read the one about the space ship that crashed in Roswell? 1.1979 0.05048 96 81 11 4
1928 That's a good point - let me consult my abduction manual. 1.1978 0.04480 91 74 16 1
1929 Would you like to phone home?" 1.1978 0.04996 91 76 12 3
1930 Oh, I forgot to tell you: yesterday, we abducted another Starbucks. People keep thinking it's the unions. 1.1977 0.05441 86 73 9 4
1931 And then he called home 1.1977 0.05183 86 72 11 3
1932 ETcetera,ETcetera,ETsetterror 1.1969 0.04189 127 106 17 4
1933 It’s a recipe book-funny you should ask 1.1969 0.04037 127 105 19 3
1934 And Elon Musk gave all the winning boys a remote-controlled satellite,and all the winning girls a six-crib nursery,and everyone lived happily ever after. 1.1969 0.04477 127 108 13 6
1935 'Second to the right, straight on till morning.' What sort of coordinates are these? I mean really! 1.1967 0.04299 122 102 16 4
1936 And that's how I got here... The end. 1.1966 0.04417 117 98 15 4
1937 Steven Spielberg called him "E.T." At home we call him Fred. 1.1966 0.04417 117 98 15 4
1938 On my planet, we had to exterminate all the wizards 1.1966 0.04247 117 97 17 3
1939 Good Night Moon Good Night Room Good Night 'Green Man' in the room! 1.1966 0.04247 117 97 17 3
1940 ET text home “ 1.1964 0.04718 112 95 12 5
1941 And Little Red Riding Hood said "But Grandma, what a big anal probe you have! 1.1964 0.04176 112 92 18 2
1942 Good night, man in the moon. 1.1964 0.04364 112 93 16 3
1943 I can’t sleep either. 1.1964 0.04718 112 95 12 5
1944 Don’t be silly, of course ghost aren’t real! 1.1964 0.04364 112 93 16 3
1945 No need to worry, Tim. It’s a cookbook. 1.1963 0.04683 107 90 13 4
1946 That reminds me.... Your body should be back by tomorrow morning. 1.1963 0.04491 107 89 15 3
1947 Once upon a time there was a place called Area 51 1.1963 0.04290 107 88 17 2
1948 ...and the handsome starweird kissed the ugly human and she turned into a beautiful exogorth. 1.1963 0.04868 107 91 11 5
1949 Your parents changed their care.com search parameters to 'infinite'. 1.1963 0.04491 107 89 15 3
1950 Good night moon. We’ll be going there soon you know… 1.1961 0.04415 102 84 16 2
1951 On my planet, this book was banned at my children’s school 1.1961 0.04835 102 86 12 4
1952 Goodnight moon. Goodnight Proxima Centauri b. 1.1961 0.04629 102 85 14 3
1953 It will calm you before the Grays get here. 1.1961 0.04835 102 86 12 4
1954 And that my little Earthling child is how I abducted your parents and then wiped their memories. 1.1961 0.04629 102 85 14 3
1955 And Goldiedroid tasted the soup and said, 'Oooh! too hot!... 1.1961 0.04835 102 86 12 4
1956 After we put their heads back on they lived happily ever after. 1.1961 0.03951 102 82 20 0
1957 The Uranians ate the Earthlings and saved the planet from ecological collapse. 1.1961 0.04415 102 84 16 2
1958 Sorry, but this may definitely alienate you! 1.1961 0.04835 102 86 12 4
1959 Sure, I think we've got time for a bedtime story before I abduct you. 1.1961 0.04415 102 84 16 2
1960 Have you seen my readers? 1.1961 0.04629 102 85 14 3
1961 Johnny, I know you're playing Space Invaders in there! Turn out your light and go to bed! 1.1959 0.05210 97 83 9 5
1962 Once upon a time, there was a pod person... 1.1959 0.04780 97 81 13 3
1963 Charlotte dies. 1.1959 0.04550 97 80 15 2
1964 How about I read you a nice little story while I digest your parents? 1.1959 0.04780 97 81 13 3
1965 Do you like Science Fiction? 1.1959 0.05000 97 82 11 4
1966 In the beginning, there was just one mighty watchful eye. 1.1959 0.04308 97 79 17 1
1967 Let's see here... Step 4... Sorry; it's my first abduction. 1.1957 0.04698 92 76 14 2
1968 Want to hear the unabridged Goodnight, Earth? 1.1957 0.05182 92 78 10 4
1969 Goodnight mush. Goodnight to the extraterrestrial whispering ‘hush.’ 1.1957 0.05182 92 78 10 4
1970 I heard you prefer nonfiction. 1.1955 0.03916 133 110 20 3
1971 I'm not going to give away the ending — let's just say everyone lives, but the dog always glows in the dark and levitates after that. 1.1954 0.04861 87 72 13 2
1972 Hey, the guy under the bed never puts in this kind of effort. 1.1954 0.05128 87 73 11 3
1973 Remarkably, Timmy’s new nanny experienced no issues crossing the border 1.1954 0.05626 87 75 7 5
1974 'Twas the night before Christmas... 1.1951 0.04107 123 102 18 3
1975 Some of the stuff in here is truly unbelievable. 1.1951 0.03942 123 101 20 2
1976 Oh, it’s a pilot program — for when all our abduction beds are full. 1.1949 0.04383 118 99 15 4
1977 We both know how it’s going to end. 1.1949 0.04383 118 99 15 4
1978 In reality, the Little Prince was an ass. 1.1947 0.04508 113 95 14 4
1979 Good Night Moons!? My babysitter used to read this to me too! 1.1947 0.04508 113 95 14 4
1980 We consider this inspirational reading on our planet. 1.1944 0.04254 108 89 17 2
1981 I particularly enjoyed the part where the alien consumes the native species while it sleeps 1.1944 0.04254 108 89 17 2
1982 How do you fly this thing? 1.1944 0.04643 108 91 13 4
1983 I do not like little green men exams. I do not like them, Sam-I-Am! 1.1944 0.04453 108 90 15 3
1984 Humans aren’t real. THE END. 1.1944 0.05002 108 93 9 6
1985 Do you have anything by Erich von Däniken? 1.1944 0.04453 108 90 15 3
1986 Close your eyes and count down from 10. 1.1942 0.04153 103 84 18 1
1987 This one's about a little boy taken to a kingdom, far, far away... 1.1942 0.04376 103 85 16 2
1988 And that’s how the cat lost its inheritance. The end. 1.1942 0.04153 103 84 18 1
1989 Don’t worry about that dragon under your bed, he just ate.” 1.1942 0.04588 103 86 14 3
1990 Mommy and daddy will be home relatively soon. 1.1942 0.04588 103 86 14 3
1991 I was told this is how you put humans to sleep but it doesn't seem to be working? 1.1942 0.04376 103 85 16 2
1992 Nothing to be scared of, honey; there are no monsters under your bed. 1.1942 0.04791 103 87 12 4
1993 You don't have to worry about monsters under your bed. 1.1939 0.04508 98 81 15 2
1994 It's not science fiction. I know that creeps you out. 1.1939 0.04735 98 82 13 3
1995 And after this chapter, we do whatever I want to do, OK? 1.1939 0.04508 98 81 15 2
1996 E.T. Phone Home...I can never get enough of that! 1.1939 0.05161 98 84 9 5
1997 I promise, you're not abducted. 1.1939 0.04508 98 81 15 2
1998 Don't worry. Monsters aren't real." 1.1939 0.04508 98 81 15 2
1999 I know, it's sick what you people get up to. 1.1939 0.04735 98 82 13 3
2000 And then they killed all the humans, and ate all their brains, and everyone lived happily ever after. 1.1939 0.04268 98 80 17 1
2001 The earth woman was so charmed by the alien's story telling that she decided to enter the hybrid race breeding program. 1.1939 0.04953 98 83 11 4
2002 Happily ever after" would depend upon your proclivitie 1.1938 0.04273 129 109 15 5
2003 I'd burn this one if I were you. They've got life on Mars all wrong. 1.1938 0.04273 129 109 15 5
2004 And they lived happily after with their pet human. 1.1935 0.04077 124 103 18 3
2005 I AM down to earth. 1.1935 0.04897 93 78 12 3
2006 Why a story when you've got the real thing? 1.1935 0.04676 124 107 10 7
2007 What you don't like sci-fi? 1.1935 0.05130 93 79 10 4
2008 Why? Do I look like David Bowie? 1.1935 0.05130 93 79 10 4
2009 And that's how the CIA, my mom and the Pentagon finally ended the life of the mean,mean JFK. Sweet Dreams Billy. 1.1935 0.04652 93 77 14 2
2010 So that’s why your mom and dad are getting a divorce. 1.1935 0.05130 93 79 10 4
2011 But why did the dish run away with the spoon? 1.1933 0.04349 119 100 15 4
2012 ...and in the end, the King was banished to Mar-A-Lardo! 1.1933 0.04509 119 101 13 5
2013 Fascinating. Me reading "Intro to Quantum Mechanics" is actually keeping you awake. Shall I try "The Unauthorized Biography of Donald Trump" ? 1.1933 0.04349 119 100 15 4
2014 Once upon a galaxy... 1.1933 0.04008 119 98 19 2
2015 …. And that’s how the nice Martian got the baby to stop crying. 1.1932 0.05326 88 75 9 4
2016 I AM home. I live under your bed. 1.1932 0.04810 88 73 13 2
2017 And this story is about how your home planet overused its resources and destroyed itself before we rescued you. 1.1932 0.04810 88 73 13 2
2018 Just to clarify: there are no monsters under the bed, moons don’t say goodnight, all books are fiction unless it’s a transcript, and no, no one gets “beamed” up. 1.1932 0.04810 88 73 13 2
2019 And the aliens all took over the town while the humans slept.. the End! Now get some sleep Tommy. 1.1930 0.04109 114 94 18 2
2020 Over the Moon and through the Asteroid Belt, to Grandmother's house we go...... 1.1930 0.04471 114 96 14 4
2021 you're not E.T. 1.1930 0.04471 114 96 14 4
2022 Can we read the one about the aliens that destroy the planet? 1.1930 0.04109 114 94 18 2
2023 I need to finish "The Goldfinch" first. 1.1930 0.04642 114 97 12 5
2024 Wow, now this Grimm lot sounds like folks we'd really want to probe! 1.1930 0.04294 114 95 16 3
2025 My story is out of this world! 1.1930 0.03916 114 93 20 1
2026 Don’t worry sweetheart, witches don’t exist. You can trust me on that! 1.1928 0.04985 83 69 12 2
2027 Tonight's story is "Goodnight Earth". 1.1928 0.04681 83 68 14 1
2028 And that's how the world will be destroyed. The end. 1.1928 0.05272 83 70 10 3
2029 it's only make-believe 1.1927 0.04416 109 91 15 3
2030 There are a lot more than 50 shades of Gray. 1.1927 0.04604 109 92 13 4
2031 Wow, this book is out of this world 1.1927 0.04416 109 91 15 3
2032 But this one’s a comedy! 1.1923 0.03798 130 107 21 2
2033 The Brief Human Epoch" tells of your extinction 1.1923 0.04117 104 85 18 1
2034 Don't let the kids at school tease you. We are working our antennas off to afford a good plastic surgeon. 1.1923 0.05306 104 91 6 7
2035 And then Little Bear said: "Who's been reading my stories?!" 1.1923 0.04548 104 87 14 3
2036 Goodnight stars; Goodnight Mars; Goodnight aliens everywhere. 1.1923 0.05127 104 90 8 6
2037 My editor said it was too long but I needed to leave the New Testament in… Do you want me to sign your copy? 1.1923 0.04548 104 87 14 3
2038 To Serve Man… 1.1920 0.04641 125 108 10 7
2039 Don’t worry. Maybe I’m just the pepperoni pizza you had earlier! 1.1920 0.04204 125 105 16 4
2040 Okay, George, one more time. "Long, long ago in a galaxy far, far away..." 1.1919 0.04691 99 83 13 3
2041 And they lived happily ever after on the planet Xenob! 1.1919 0.04691 99 83 13 3
2042 They’re in the neighborhood but there are a few abductions ahead of you. 1.1919 0.04229 99 81 17 1
2043 Let's just get this over with 1.1919 0.04691 99 83 13 3
2044 And that’s what happened after E.T. phoned home. 1.1919 0.04906 99 84 11 4
2045 I'm now going to read you one of my favorite books growing up: Goodnight 26 black moons 1.1919 0.04906 99 84 11 4
2046 Dorothy has a feeling she’s not listening to fiction anymore. 1.1919 0.05112 99 85 9 5
2047 This obsession with space and time. You’ll eventually evolve to understand that it’s all about the pizza crust. 1.1919 0.05112 99 85 9 5
2048 The more you ask ME to read your bedtime stories, the longer it will take for us to call you an intelligent lifeform 1.1919 0.04691 99 83 13 3
2049 You mean that the other babysitter didn't also read you Finnegans Wake? 1.1917 0.04475 120 102 13 5
2050 Goodnight noises everywhere 1.1917 0.04475 120 102 13 5
2051 Book not doing it? I could get you a warm glass of milk. 1.1917 0.03977 120 99 19 2
2052 My hovercraft is full of eels. 1.1917 0.04150 120 100 17 3
2053 I must say HG Wells is not my favorite. 1.1915 0.05079 94 80 10 4
2054 It was a dark and stormy nights night… 1.1915 0.04849 94 79 12 3
2055 All my favorite spots are now Spirit Halloweens. 1.1915 0.05079 94 80 10 4
2056 Don’t worry, your parents will be home soon. They are only 21 light years away. 1.1915 0.04849 94 79 12 3
2057 And that is how the cowboys lost. The end. 1.1915 0.04607 94 78 14 2
2058 Alien- Humans Babysitters Confederation Initiates an Exchange Program. 1.1915 0.04607 94 78 14 2
2059 This ones called ‘How I Dematerialised The Babysitter’. 1.1913 0.04260 115 96 16 3
2060 And, that’s what makes interstellar travel possible. 1.1913 0.04604 115 98 12 5
2061 We’ll get to the abduction part tomorrow. 1.1913 0.04260 115 96 16 3
2062 My stepmother is an alien 1.1913 0.04604 115 98 12 5
2063 Extended warranties are just like everything else in your manipulated 'reality'. We're just messing with you. 1.1910 0.05022 89 75 11 3
2064 Goodnight stars, goodnight air. Goodnight aliens, everywhere! 1.1910 0.05270 89 76 9 4
2065 Faraway on a planet called Earth. 1.1910 0.04761 89 74 13 2
2066 Hold on honey, this next part gets a bit weird. 1.1910 0.04761 89 74 13 2
2067 Why do books seem so alien to you kids nowadays?” 1.1909 0.04379 110 92 15 3
2068 Relax kid your parents should be done with their probing any minute now. 1.1909 0.04379 110 92 15 3
2069 And they lived happily ever out there. 1.1909 0.04379 110 92 15 3
2070 It may seem alien to you, but I can read in the dark. 1.1909 0.04379 110 92 15 3
2071 Wow, see if this doesn't spook ya! 1.1909 0.04745 110 94 11 5
2072 NO, l’m not ET 1.1909 0.04565 110 93 13 4
2073 ... not even a mouse. 1.1909 0.04184 110 91 17 2
2074 Recently in one of the nearer galaxies... 1.1909 0.04745 110 94 11 5
2075 Are you sure I'm not adopted, Mom? 1.1909 0.04184 110 91 17 2
2076 I hate to probe,but does your mother ever mention me? 1.1908 0.03876 173 149 15 9
2077 And the rest of the galaxies lived happily ever after. 1.1905 0.04508 105 88 14 3
2078 And then she said, “1001001 11001100 1101111.” And they lived happily ever after. The end. 1.1905 0.04931 84 70 12 2
2079 The moon is now a labor colony for earthlings who resist our rule. Say goodnight to something else. 1.1905 0.04508 105 88 14 3
2080 Sorry, am I reading too fast? 1.1905 0.04508 105 88 14 3
2081 You won't believe this story. 1.1905 0.04897 105 90 10 5
2082 Aliens, Science Fiction? I don't THINK so! 1.1905 0.04508 105 88 14 3
2083 Just let your imagination run wild. 1.1905 0.04931 84 70 12 2
2084 Is this one too scary? 1.1905 0.04081 105 86 18 1
2085 I think you'll find this story very transporting, my dear. 1.1905 0.04508 105 88 14 3
2086 This doesn't seem to be working. 1.1901 0.04740 121 105 9 7
2087 ... but then, when the humans learned what an honor it was to serve a superior species, they stopped resisting and complied happily. 1.1900 0.04648 100 84 13 3
2088 Why yes it is a cookbook, why do you ask? 1.1900 0.04861 100 85 11 4
2089 So….where should we end? 1.1900 0.03943 100 81 19 0
2090 A light-year is a measure of distance, not time. 1.1900 0.04861 100 85 11 4
2091 Longtemps je me suis couché de bonne heure” — I hope you’re as much of a Proust fan as me 1.1900 0.04191 100 82 17 1
2092 And then the frog turned into Elon Musk and took the princess to Mars. 1.1900 0.05064 100 86 9 5
2093 And they died happily ever after. The end. 1.1900 0.04861 100 85 11 4
2094 Yeah, the movie was better. 1.1897 0.04567 116 99 12 5
2095 Once upon a time a husband started to read a book about Roswell. 1.1895 0.05030 95 81 10 4
2096 Well, you didn't used to think I was invading your space. 1.1895 0.05030 95 81 10 4
2097 I've been waiting 40 years for a close encounter, and THIS is what I get? 1.1895 0.04563 95 79 14 2
2098 Goodnight, Earth...Goodnight, air. Goodnight noises everywhere... 1.1895 0.04563 95 79 14 2
2099 I know this one! But back home we call it ‘Men are from CoRoT-7b, women are from 55 Cancri e’… 1.1892 0.04343 111 93 15 3
2100 ...and they lived happily ever fearful. 1.1892 0.04876 111 96 9 6
2101 You can’t be that surprised--home invasion is what we do. 1.1890 0.04291 127 108 14 5
2102 Reading is good for you. It can make you feel like you're in different world. 1.1889 0.04970 90 76 11 3
2103 No it is not a cook book! 1.1887 0.04469 106 89 14 3
2104 The original was ‘Goodnight Earth.’ 1.1887 0.04263 106 88 16 2
2105 Hey, remember that Twilight Zone episode called "To Serve Man?" 1.1887 0.04665 106 90 12 4
2106 I love Arthur C. Clarke. 1.1887 0.04469 106 89 14 3
2107 What does this word, abduction, mean? 1.1887 0.04263 106 88 16 2
2108 So see, there’s nothing to be afraid of! 1.1887 0.04665 106 90 12 4
2109 Cinder-Alien or The Ugly Earthling? 1.1885 0.04250 122 103 15 4
2110 I’m adopt…wha!? 1.1885 0.04558 122 105 11 6
2111 Just a few more Terms and Conditions and we can insert the probe. 1.1885 0.04558 122 105 11 6
2112 And one by one, the aliens slowly took the place of everyone you loved. 1.1882 0.05157 85 72 10 3
2113 And they all got probed happily ever after. 1.1882 0.04582 85 70 14 1
2114 And then he said, 'Then I’ll huff and I’ll puff and I’ll blow your planet in!' 1.1881 0.05211 101 88 7 6
2115 the cow jumped over the moon, classic 1.1881 0.04386 101 84 15 2
2116 NO,, NOT REALLY,,,,, "happily ever after"?? I'm 600 years old,, NO ONE lives "ever after",,, 1.1881 0.05017 101 87 9 5
2117 Of course I can take you to the Mothership - Oops, I mean Mother! 1.1881 0.05211 101 88 7 6
2118 ...and they lived happily ever after in perpetual servitude to their alien overlords! 1.1881 0.04154 101 83 17 1
2119 Don't mind me. This book is banned on my planet -- that's the true horror. 1.1881 0.04606 101 85 13 3
2120 …And the aliens live happily ever after. 1.1880 0.04014 117 97 18 2
2121 And that's where we hide the probes 1.1880 0.04014 117 97 18 2
2122 And that’s why aliens aren’t real…Who am I kidding? I can’t read. 1.1880 0.04014 117 97 18 2
2123 Do you want another horror story or just a bit of sleep tonight/ 1.1880 0.04193 117 98 16 3
2124 Our beds are quite different. 1.1880 0.04845 117 102 8 7
2125 Don't worry honey. I don't have to go home for a couple of light years. 1.1880 0.04014 117 97 18 2
2126 Jules Verne it says. That’s the name of my home galaxy. 1.1880 0.04193 117 98 16 3
2127 Yes,"How To Serve Man",is a cookbook. 1.1880 0.04154 133 113 15 5
2128 I'll be back to bed in a minute, honey. Just can't put Harry Potter down. 1.1879 0.03733 149 125 20 4
2129 So, To Serve Man--IS A COOK BOOK! 1.1875 0.04519 96 80 14 2
2130 Relax, your parents know I'm a stellar sitter. 1.1875 0.04519 96 80 14 2
2131 Next time, it won't just be your diary I probe. 1.1875 0.04116 112 93 17 2
2132 Would you like me to read from your favorite, "Goodnight, Spu'toth?" 1.1875 0.05364 80 68 9 3
2133 Goodnight bovine jumping over the nearest large celestial body to your planet. 1.1875 0.04391 80 65 15 0
2134 Good night, stars. Good night, Mars. Good night, red sand everywhere. 1.1875 0.04270 96 79 16 1
2135 And that's how Donald Trump was re-elected President. 1.1875 0.05196 96 83 8 5
2136 Another trait I share with Bill Murray. No one will believe you. 1.1875 0.04116 112 93 17 2
2137 Goodnight, planetary-mass satellite object. 1.1875 0.04402 128 110 12 6
2138 That's a question for your mother. 1.1875 0.05925 80 70 5 5
2139 Brr! I should have put a towel down. 1.1875 0.04981 96 82 10 4
2140 . . . . . . . . . . . . . and the little Martian never could sleep again. 1.1875 0.03916 112 92 19 1
2141 If you don’t like the story, try counting Martians instead. 1.1875 0.04756 96 81 12 3
2142 The next in this series is titled, “Space Invaders: Elon Musk.” 1.1875 0.04666 112 96 11 5
2143 It's okay, honey, they're FRIENDLY space lizards. 1.1875 0.04307 112 94 15 3
2144 ‘And the cow jumped over the moon.’ Now, I’ve got some great stories about cows. 1.1875 0.04270 96 79 16 1
2145 Once upon a time, Jimmy sadly believed all aliens were vegans. 1.1871 0.04072 155 134 13 8
2146 Why are you looking so alienated? 1.1870 0.04373 123 105 13 5
2147 If you didn't want to know about your future . . . You shouldn't have written an autobiography. 1.1870 0.04218 123 104 15 4
2148 A fiction book about aliens huh? 1.1870 0.04373 123 105 13 5
2149 That's the recipe to serve man 1.1869 0.04430 107 90 14 3
2150 Ghost stories freak me out! 1.1869 0.04812 107 92 10 5
2151 As you know, you have to kiss a lot of frogs to meet your prince. 1.1869 0.04812 107 92 10 5
2152 Yes it’s green but it’s out of this world! 1.1869 0.04812 107 92 10 5
2153 Aren't you sick and tired of "Goodnight Moon"? 1.1869 0.04013 107 88 18 1
2154 It is Halloween story and costume time my dear. 1.1869 0.04430 107 90 14 3
2155 Just like in the book, little Wendy. It's call Neverland. You'll love it. 1.1869 0.04013 107 88 18 1
2156 Speaking of which, this book raises some really probing questions." 1.1868 0.04665 91 76 13 2
2157 Her prayers for answered. When she woke up the next morning, the little girl had a new mommy and daddy. 1.1868 0.04920 91 77 11 3
2158 Goodnight moon,goodnight robe,goodnight glowing anal probe 1.1868 0.05162 91 78 9 4
2159 If you like the "Three Little Pigs" then I think you'll really love "The Three Little Martians". 1.1868 0.05162 91 78 9 4
2160 Once upon a time, long into the future and far away, there was a young girl who . . . . 1.1868 0.04665 91 76 13 2
2161 This is one of my favorites, 'Invasion of the Body Snatchers.' 1.1868 0.05162 91 78 9 4
2162 Three talking pigs are hardly believable... 1.1868 0.04108 91 74 17 0
2163 I arrived here hoping to get terrestrial acting gigs, but it seems that they already had enough extras. 1.1868 0.05162 91 78 9 4
2164 This Sci-Fi novel is starting to make me miss home! 1.1868 0.04665 91 76 13 2
2165 What do you mean, this one is on the banned books list? Am I in danger?! 1.1868 0.04920 91 77 11 3
2166 And one last Goodnight Moon to you. 1.1864 0.04161 118 99 16 3
2167 It's based on a true story. 1.1864 0.04161 118 99 16 3
2168 Snap out of it. 1.1864 0.04495 118 101 12 5
2169 What's wrong? You look as if you've seen an alien 1.1864 0.04161 118 99 16 3
2170 Abductions are passé, and the cookbook is now vegan. 1.1863 0.05163 102 89 7 6
2171 Then we invaded and they lived happily ever after. 1.1863 0.04346 102 85 15 2
2172 I know you liked the other guy, Elliott, but your mom and I are really hitting it off. 1.1863 0.04564 102 86 13 3
2173 Once upon a lightyear in a planet far,far away 1.1863 0.04971 102 88 9 5
2174 Oh…You said, “Take me to your leader,” not “Would you be my reader?” 1.1863 0.04564 102 86 13 3
2175 As we discussed in chapter one, not all UFO’s are unidentified. 1.1863 0.04772 102 87 11 4
2176 Shall I read it to you, or project it into your mind? 1.1860 0.05101 86 73 10 3
2177 Good night, Phobos. Good night, Deimos. 1.1860 0.05101 86 73 10 3
2178 And so begins, "The Lion, the Witch, and the War-probe"... 1.1860 0.04826 86 72 12 2
2179 Isn't this story out of this world! 1.1858 0.04453 113 96 13 4
2180 ...and all the children lived in the emptyness of space ever after. 1.1858 0.04083 113 94 17 2
2181 The alien totally gets her. I’m explaining this to you because you look nervous 1.1856 0.04476 97 81 14 2
2182 Miss Poppins was my great-great grandmother” 1.1856 0.04710 97 82 12 3
2183 Are you kidding? 1.1856 0.05146 97 84 8 5
2184 It's Origin of Our Species - you'll be asleep before you know it... 1.1856 0.04476 97 81 14 2
2185 Well honey, I hope you enjoyed the book about ET 1.1856 0.04476 97 81 14 2
2186 If this didn't work, try counting spaceships. 1.1856 0.04933 97 83 10 4
2187 I can read in any voice you like. 1.1856 0.05146 97 84 8 5
2188 Please pick from the non-fiction section this evening. 1.1856 0.04710 97 82 12 3
2189 I’m here to do the work that your parents won’t do. 1.1856 0.04476 97 81 14 2
2190 I know it's never easy for children of immigrants. 1.1852 0.05303 81 69 9 3
2191 Steven Spielberg.Got it all wrong 1.1852 0.05303 81 69 9 3
2192 And then her father peeled off his skin, revealing his true self, and lived happily ever after. 1.1852 0.04393 108 91 14 3
2193 Klaatu barada hikto. I have no idea what it means, I just enjoy saying it. 1.1852 0.04191 108 90 16 2
2194 Did I say reader? I meant to say Leader! 1.1852 0.04585 108 92 12 4
2195 I really think it should be, 'To probe, or not to probe? That is the question.' 1.1852 0.04191 108 90 16 2
2196 We’ll, I’m an au pair, so of course I’m from France. 1.1852 0.04191 108 90 16 2
2197 Next chapter, the IRS man 1.1852 0.04770 108 93 10 5
2198 It’s just a story. Ghosts aren’t real. 1.1852 0.04585 108 92 12 4
2199 It's called 'How to Serve Man' 1.1849 0.04297 119 101 14 4
2200 Do you want me to translate this into your language? 1.1849 0.03952 119 99 18 2
2201 I know, nothing scares you. 1.1849 0.04460 119 102 12 5
2202 Isn't this fun. 1.1849 0.04297 119 101 14 4
2203 …and goodnight to the alien whispering ‘hush’…. 1.1848 0.04069 92 75 17 0
2204 Sorry honey but I really get into character when I read sci-fi. 1.1848 0.04619 92 77 13 2
2205 We’d better get back ’cause it’ll be dark soon, and they mostly come at night… mostly. 1.1848 0.05110 92 79 9 4
2206 Goodnight cow jumping over the moon. Can they do that too? 1.1848 0.04619 92 77 13 2
2207 sorry about my english, seems i was holding the book upside down until now. 1.1848 0.04619 92 77 13 2
2208 I can't believe you all are still alive 1.1848 0.05110 92 79 9 4
2209 Is the story a bit too eerie for bedtime? 1.1845 0.04523 103 87 13 3
2210 ...and as Sandy was getting into bed, she heard a noise come from underneath. When she looked, it was her teacher hiding there. She screamed, terrified. 1.1845 0.04729 103 88 11 4
2211 Do you have any probing questions or shall I continue? 1.1845 0.04308 103 86 15 2
2212 Are there any happy endings in the metaverse? 1.1845 0.04523 103 87 13 3
2213 And as the aliens ate the last human on the planet, they all lived happily ever after. 1.1845 0.04523 103 87 13 3
2214 James Put some clothes on and shut the light NOW! 1.1845 0.04729 103 88 11 4
2215 And nine months later, you came along! 1.1845 0.04729 103 88 11 4
2216 ...and then the humans forgot all about ever exploring space, and were allowed to live happily ever after. 1.1845 0.04308 103 86 15 2
2217 Goodnight moon. Goodnight human civilization. 1.1845 0.04729 103 88 11 4
2218 There's no such thing as monsters. 1.1845 0.04308 103 86 15 2
2219 I'm just a temp. Your real sitter's in the spaceship. 1.1842 0.04050 114 95 17 2
2220 Growing up on Jupiter, my favorite book was "Goodnight Moon, Moon, Moon, Moon, Moon, Moon, Moon..." 1.1842 0.05201 76 64 10 2
2221 And then, all the creepy aliens snuck in while the unsuspecting humans fell asleep. 1.1842 0.04417 114 97 13 4
2222 ..... and it turned out to be a cookbook! 1.1842 0.04755 114 99 9 6
2223 Could I read you a little scarier story tonight? 1.1842 0.04238 114 96 15 3
2224 I only read space opera and first-contact stories. If you want fairy tales, ask your real mom. 1.1842 0.04238 114 96 15 3
2225 Use your words! Say 'Goodnight E. T.' 1.1842 0.05528 76 65 8 3
2226 And then the Little Green Alien zapped Grama up and they lived happily ever after. 1.1842 0.04238 114 96 15 3
2227 Are you scared of the aliens in the story? 1.1842 0.04050 114 95 17 2
2228 No! I will not uncross my legs! 1.1839 0.04775 87 73 12 2
2229 And that is how the cookie crumbles. 1.1837 0.04435 98 82 14 2
2230 Goodnight Rayon. Goodnight Nylon. Goodnight Elon. 1.1837 0.04666 98 83 12 3
2231 The plot? You’ll love it. It’s outta this world. 1.1837 0.04191 98 81 16 1
2232 Are you familiar with author Shmuglafbor? 1.1837 0.04666 98 83 12 3
2233 Am i adopted? 1.1835 0.04546 109 93 12 4
2234 Goodnight moon. And goodnight invaders from Kepler-62e approaching Earth at a velocity of 16 parsecs/second. 1.1835 0.04729 109 94 10 5
2235 You Earthlings read some really weird shit. 1.1835 0.04546 109 93 12 4
2236 The second half is less interesting as it deals solely with the Sedition Acts. 1.1835 0.04355 109 92 14 3
2237 I just love Romantic Fictional History. Don’t you? 1.1833 0.03922 120 100 18 2
2238 OK, you got me -yes, it's a cookbook 1.1833 0.04264 120 102 14 4
2239 I thought Earthlings found this relaxing. 1.1833 0.04097 120 101 16 3
2240 ...and they were much better at running things, The End. 1.1833 0.03739 120 99 20 1
2241 You nibble? Swallow whole? 1.1833 0.04425 120 103 12 5
2242 Ready for the exciting sequel to Goodnight Moon? 1.1828 0.04822 93 79 11 3
2243 Before I abduct you, I just have to go over the terms and conditions 1.1828 0.04310 93 77 15 1
2244 Now let me read you the real story of Close Encounters of the Third Kind. 1.1828 0.05058 93 80 9 4
2245 Good night lamp, goodnight moon, goodnight to the spook in the room 1.1828 0.04573 93 78 13 2
2246 What do you mean, you don't think abduction is a happy ending for a bedtime story? 1.1828 0.04822 93 79 11 3
2247 Goodnight moon. Goodnight moon. Goodnight moon. Goodnight moon. Goodnight moon. Goodnight moon. Goodnight moon. Goodnight moon. Goodnight moon. 1.1827 0.04270 104 87 15 2
2248 I can't understand this fascination with your moon. 1.1827 0.04483 104 88 13 3
2249 In return for your parents' abduction, I agreed to help out from time to time. 1.1827 0.04270 104 87 15 2
2250 Sorry. My first time babysitting. At your age,I loved tales of deep body probes. 1.1827 0.04270 104 87 15 2
2251 I just think you would have more friends if you'd stop insisting that aliens live in 5b 1.1827 0.04045 104 86 17 1
2252 It was a dark and stormy night. Meteorites fell to Earth in cataracts; and drowsy Earthlings started, from dreams of the deluge, to gaze upon the boisterous stars, and bellowed for admittance into the stellar UFO, towering and marvellous..." 1.1827 0.04687 104 89 11 4
2253 Honey, doing the duck voice is where I draw the line. 1.1827 0.04270 104 87 15 2
2254 Do you mind if I borrow this book? I can return it on my next visit. 1.1826 0.04204 115 97 15 3
2255 Ok, one more story. The sooner you go to sleep, the sooner we can finish our experiment and take off- like we were never here. Once upon a time… 1.1826 0.04381 115 98 13 4
2256 And while sleepy 1.1825 0.04422 126 109 11 6
2257 Don't mind me, this just got better. 1.1825 0.04564 126 110 9 7
2258 You're adopted. 1.1818 0.04152 99 82 16 1
2259 Once upon a time, there was a man named Donald. 1.1818 0.04840 99 85 10 4
2260 "There's a babysitter labor shortage." 1.1818 0.04066 121 102 16 3
2261 Your pick--The Green Mile, Anne of Green Gables, or Fifty Shades of Green? 1.1818 0.04508 110 94 12 4
2262 And they all lived happily ever after. Hah! That's rich. 1.1818 0.04121 110 92 16 2
2263 Once upon a parallel universe, in a galaxy 1.7 million light years away.... 1.1818 0.04622 99 84 12 3
2264 Do you want me to read you a story from my home planet? 1.1818 0.04622 99 84 12 3
2265 Listen. I knew Rumplestiltskin and he would never do that. 1.1818 0.04622 99 84 12 3
2266 What do you humans call this again, science fiction? 1.1818 0.05139 77 65 10 2
2267 I'm harmless. The monster under your bed is what's scary. 1.1818 0.04840 99 85 10 4
2268 Not so long ago nor far away as you might have thought. 1.1818 0.04393 99 83 14 2
2269 Don't be silly, Billy. These alien stories are completely ridiculous. Trust me, I know. I work for NASA. 1.1818 0.05492 88 77 6 5
2270 Get over it, we are here to stay. 1.1818 0.04066 121 102 16 3
2271 Page One, ‘2001: A Space Odyssey.’ 1.1818 0.04121 110 92 16 2
2272 Goodnight noises everywhere.” Now you go to sleep and I’m going to hide under your bed 1.1818 0.04689 110 95 10 5
2273 Yes, you got more of your father's genes, dearest. 1.1818 0.04393 99 83 14 2
2274 Oh look, it is another alien adventure story. 1.1818 0.04393 99 83 14 2
2275 We find indoctrination is facilitated by somnolence 1.1818 0.04725 88 74 12 2
2276 How aren't you asleep I'm halfway through this book? 1.1818 0.04840 99 85 10 4
2277 As you wish. 1.1818 0.05249 88 76 8 4
2278 I'm from Roswell. Why do you ask? 1.1818 0.04393 99 83 14 2
2279 Don't worry, Billy! There's no such thing as a witch. 1.1818 0.04840 99 85 10 4
2280 Your mommy and daddy aren't available, but they WERE delicious! 1.1811 0.04245 127 109 13 5
2281 Good night, moon. Good night, Kevin. Good night, Epsilon Sigma Eleven. 1.1811 0.04245 127 109 13 5
2282 Dad just stepped out 1.1810 0.03986 116 97 17 2
2283 We'll skip the probing tonight and just read you the story of "E.T. the extra-terrestrial". 1.1810 0.04515 116 100 11 5
2284 And then the Alien Prince and the Earthling Princess made mad, passionate love. 1.1810 0.04515 116 100 11 5
2285 Your Mom is a special friend of mine. 1.1810 0.04170 116 98 15 3
2286 And then she called out, 'It's a cookbook!' The End. 1.1810 0.03986 116 97 17 2
2287 See, they’re not so scary after all. 1.1810 0.04444 105 89 13 3
2288 You get those weird, fucked up eyes from my side of the family. 1.1810 0.05024 105 92 7 6
2289 ...And none of them lived happily ever after. The End. 1.1810 0.04232 105 88 15 2
2290 The Tralfamadore Bible says "Over this, too, thou shalt not be plagued." 1.1810 0.04444 105 89 13 3
2291 Well, my last monster stayed under the bed. 1.1810 0.04010 105 87 17 1
2292 A little prose before the probe. 1.1810 0.04645 105 90 11 4
2293 …so it turns out to be a cookbook. Goodnight, sweetie. 1.1810 0.04444 105 89 13 3
2294 The end is near. 1.1810 0.04232 105 88 15 2
2295 we will bring your mom in a minute 1.1810 0.04838 105 91 9 5
2296 This story is out of this world! 1.1809 0.05008 94 81 9 4
2297 Are you ready for chapter 2? 1.1809 0.04774 94 80 11 3
2298 Sleep tight, we'll let you know when we're ready for breakfast. 1.1809 0.04774 94 80 11 3
2299 It says here the procedure is covered by insurance. 1.1809 0.05008 94 81 9 4
2300 Which do you think people will believe less? A bedtime story from an alien or that you legitimately finished "Ulysses"? 1.1809 0.04774 94 80 11 3
2301 ... and they lived in submission happily ever after. 1.1809 0.04528 94 79 13 2
2302 I'm sorry but Heaven isn't listed in my reference compendium of astronomical observations. 1.1809 0.04774 94 80 11 3
2303 In the beginning there was we. I know, it is complicated. 1.1809 0.05231 94 82 7 5
2304 Science? Sure. Fiction? I don't think so. Sweet dreams. 1.1809 0.04268 94 78 15 1
2305 Okay, one more story. But then it's time to abduct you. 1.1807 0.05184 83 71 9 3
2306 Not to worry,this won’t be the first time we’ve had to save the planet. 1.1807 0.04892 83 70 11 2
2307 Science fiction, science fiction...can't we ever read a fairy tale? 1.1807 0.04892 83 70 11 2
2308 And since your jumping cow violated our airspace, we intercepted it and served it on your dish with your spoon. Sweet dreams! 1.1807 0.05974 83 74 3 6
2309 Can't believe they still use these prehistoric books on Earth!!! 1.1807 0.04582 83 69 13 1
2310 Relax. We won’t take off until tomorrow morning. 1.1803 0.04035 122 103 16 3
2311 Sorry, but they don't have Kindle on my planet yet. 1.1802 0.04283 111 94 14 3
2312 I always believed my mother was an alien. 1.1802 0.04087 111 93 16 2
2313 don't fret, just a kidney needs to be removed! 1.1802 0.04283 111 94 14 3
2314 King Arthur was so handsome - we almost dated. 1.1802 0.04283 111 94 14 3
2315 Did you think I would abduct you? 1.1800 0.05001 100 87 8 5
2316 Only the words count, not who’s reading them. 1.1800 0.05001 100 87 8 5
2317 And they all lived happily ever after, except for the human race. 1.1800 0.04353 100 84 14 2
2318 First tell me if that’s a cookbook! 1.1800 0.04795 100 86 10 4
2319 It looks like we’re both out of space. 1.1800 0.04115 100 83 16 1
2320 OK, I'll go! But don't expect another visit! 1.1800 0.04795 100 86 10 4
2321 Grandma will continue reading "The Rise and Fall of Plastic Surgery". 1.1798 0.05434 89 78 6 5
2322 And that's how we finally captured and killed the fugitive ET! 1.1798 0.04941 89 76 10 3
2323 Honey, it seems illogical for a unicorn to be in the story 1.1798 0.05193 89 77 8 4
2324 Some "Amazing Journey." Ever been through a worm hole? 1.1798 0.04941 89 76 10 3
2325 The characters in this book are unbelievable! 1.1798 0.04941 89 76 10 3
2326 I’ll pick up the story where we’ve put all of you to sleep. 1.1797 0.03583 128 106 21 1
2327 And that's how Little Red Riding Hood found a saucer that was just right. 1.1795 0.04312 117 100 13 4
2328 I met Isaac Asimov once , his books were nonfiction at my grammar school 1.1795 0.04137 117 99 15 3
2329 Sorry, I farted. 1.1795 0.03764 117 97 19 1
2330 This is going to be a good one. You’re going to need a team of hypnotherapists to remember 1.1795 0.03955 117 98 17 2
2331 How come you're not wearing any clothes? (in an anxious uncomfortable tone) 1.1795 0.04137 117 99 15 3
2332 And they lived happily ever after in their silicon-based servitude. 1.1795 0.04137 117 99 15 3
2333 There’s no such things as little green men. 1.1795 0.05396 78 67 8 3
2334 Your folks will be just the same after their probes, trust me. 1.1792 0.04604 106 91 11 4
2335 And it only gets scarier if you don't fall asleep. 1.1792 0.04196 106 89 15 2
2336 trust me, it's probing 1.1792 0.04405 106 90 13 3
2337 I like the other ending when you aren't here because you never arrive. 1.1792 0.04196 106 89 15 2
2338 You know, you’ll be bald one day too. 1.1792 0.04604 106 91 11 4
2339 So let me get this right . A naked Extra terrestrial reading a book to me is supposed to help me fall asleeep. 1.1792 0.04405 106 90 13 3
2340 Then a bunch of weird white aliens showed up, carrying automatic weapons. 1.1792 0.04604 106 91 11 4
2341 Kid napping is a lot different than what I thought it would be. 1.1792 0.04604 106 91 11 4
2342 ...and that's what happened to your species. 1.1792 0.04604 106 91 11 4
2343 You sure you don’t want me to read you another one? 1.1792 0.04196 106 89 15 2
2344 Stop spacing out—I’m trying to read you my favorite comet book! 1.1789 0.04959 95 82 9 4
2345 Once upon a time,in a galaxy not so far away… 1.1789 0.04484 95 80 13 2
2346 How can you tire of “War of the Worlds”? It’s such great satire, darling. 1.1789 0.04484 95 80 13 2
2347 So, can you still buy a cow for a couple of beans or... 1.1789 0.04484 95 80 13 2
2348 In the end, he didn’t fit through the spaceship door, and there wasn’t room for all his boxes. He’s still here. 1.1789 0.04728 95 81 11 3
2349 Goodnite moon! Goodnite room! Goodnite Alien going home soon! 1.1789 0.04484 95 80 13 2
2350 We just love ‘Green Eggs and Ham’. 1.1789 0.04227 95 79 15 1
2351 ...then, L.Ron Hubbard huffed and he puffed and he blew hot air all over the land. The end. 1.1789 0.04728 95 81 11 3
2352 I’ll kidnap you when I’m done. 1.1789 0.04728 95 81 11 3
2353 On my home planet, I was a surgeon, 1.1789 0.04728 95 81 11 3
2354 « Do you want me to act out the voices? » 1.1789 0.05180 95 83 7 5
2355 Your mom asked me to share what makes us intelligent life forms 1.1789 0.04227 95 79 15 1
2356 Why is your doorknob flat 1.1789 0.04484 95 80 13 2
2357 and they all lived happily enslaved by an alien nation! 1.1789 0.04168 123 105 14 4
2358 What exactly do you mean when you say this story is “Out of this world?” 1.1789 0.04168 123 105 14 4
2359 In a Galaxy, far far away, there lies the Planet Smokey, all covered with cheese. And everyone who lived there, were born without knees...the end. 1.1789 0.04476 123 107 10 6
2360 Initially after coming out of you coma things might be a bit alien at first 1.1786 0.04611 112 97 10 5
2361 And they all lived logically ever after. 1.1786 0.04611 112 97 10 5
2362 Hey, you're right! It IS a cookbook. 1.1786 0.04838 84 71 11 2
2363 So, you see—I'm not 'abducting' you, I'm just taking you to Neverland! 1.1786 0.04247 112 95 14 3
2364 ...and rather than go home E.T. decided to eat the parents and remain with his friend forever after. 1.1786 0.04782 112 98 8 6
2365 Would you like to try a close encounter of the FOURTH kind? 1.1786 0.04838 84 71 11 2
2366 We have our own peculiar origins. 1.1786 0.04532 84 70 13 1
2367 The story you wouldn't believe. 1.1786 0.05399 84 73 7 4
2368 Huh, this book is just like the universe…. It goes on forever 1.1786 0.05126 84 72 9 3
2369 ... And then my uncle said "I think I just dropped a pyramid on that desert". 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
2370 For some reason, Norma could never relate to her mother's bedtime stories. 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
2371 YOU'D RATHER HAVE THE MONSTER UNDER THE BED? 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
2372 Of 'Mice and Men', I prefer mice. 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
2373 And they lived multi-dimensionally ever after. 1.1782 0.04750 101 87 10 4
2374 Goodnight Earth's only natural satellite... 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
2375 OK, last one - just benevolent overlords this time. 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
2376 Yes, ET did phone home and lived happily ever after ! 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
2377 Wait a minute..... does the Constitution's First Amendment protect me and my religious beliefs if I'm not a Christian ? 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
2378 Your mother told us that this is your favorite book. 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
2379 It's mar-shen not martin. 1.1782 0.04954 101 88 8 5
2380 Science fiction stories scare me, too. 1.1782 0.04537 101 86 12 3
2381 Last chapter… as I have to phone home 1.1782 0.04313 101 85 14 2
2382 You know, Elliott and Gertie are National heroes back home. 1.1782 0.04750 101 87 10 4
2383 The neighbors in the haunted house next door recommended this highly. 1.1782 0.04750 101 87 10 4
2384 ummm, I'm just kidding about the "happily ever after" part 1.1780 0.04105 118 100 15 3
2385 No Jimmy, there is no man on the moon. I did see a cow on Pluto a few lightyears back though. 1.1778 0.04890 90 77 10 3
2386 What? 1.1778 0.04890 90 77 10 3
2387 No reason to be scared. Its just the probe manual. 1.1778 0.04053 90 74 16 0
2388 OK, one more story. But then it's abduction time, kiddo. 1.1778 0.05139 90 78 8 4
2389 Good night moon. Good night stars. Good night black hole space time distortion vehicle. 1.1778 0.04628 90 76 12 2
2390 When I was your age, we read stories about Earthlings that kept us up all night! 1.1778 0.04350 90 75 14 1
2391 Ah, a page on the signs of someone who has been hypnotized to see something else." 1.1778 0.04890 90 77 10 3
2392 It's a shame that it's not "Good Night, Mars" 1.1776 0.04367 107 91 13 3
2393 And after the abduction she lived infinitely ever after. 1.1776 0.04160 107 90 15 2
2394 …and the saucer ran away with the spoon. 1.1776 0.04367 107 91 13 3
2395 So it's actually a cookbook? Hah I did NOT see that coming! 1.1774 0.04292 124 107 12 5
2396 As it turned out, it was all in their minds. 1.1771 0.04441 96 81 13 2
2397 Grandma, what big nitrogen gills you have! 1.1771 0.04910 96 83 9 4
2398 Say goodnight,or I'll moon you 1.1771 0.04910 96 83 9 4
2399 Okay. All right, now, let's see. Where were we? Oh, yes. In the Pit of Despair. 1.1771 0.04910 96 83 9 4
2400 In this next chapter, I'll read the harshest thoughts your family has about you, ranked. 1.1771 0.04187 96 80 15 1
2401 For the record, anal probes didn’t even dawn on us until we started reading your planet’s literature. Anyway, it’s not my thing. Close your eyes. 1.1770 0.04572 113 98 10 5
2402 I hope this doesn’t give you nightmares: It was a dark and stormy night …. 1.1770 0.04213 113 96 14 3
2403 I'm telling you it's not as good as the movie. 1.1770 0.04213 113 96 14 3
2404 And they lived strangely ever after. 1.1770 0.04213 113 96 14 3
2405 This isn’t a sci-fi. I picked out a romance novel tonight. 1.1770 0.04396 113 97 12 4
2406 How about Good Night Moons of Jupiter? 1.1770 0.04396 113 97 12 4
2407 My favorite. 'Goldilocks and the Anal Probe'. 1.1765 0.04786 85 72 11 2
2408 Look, I did tell you it was a story out of this world, ok ? 1.1765 0.04041 102 85 16 1
2409 How are you feeling dear? "Just A little alien-ated!" 1.1765 0.04496 102 87 12 3
2410 Yes, Wendy, it's really me, Peter, after the Twitter poll by the Pan influencers 1.1765 0.05070 85 73 9 3
2411 For your story tonight, my colleagues and I have selected Gone Girl. 1.1765 0.04786 85 72 11 2
2412 And then his new friend said, 'E.T. phone home'. 1.1765 0.04041 102 85 16 1
2413 Chapter One: 'KLATU BARADA NIKTO' -- 'Call me Ishmael.' 1.1765 0.04496 102 87 12 3
2414 And then your short pudgy husband was replaced by a tall cosmopolitan stranger 1.1765 0.04073 119 101 15 3
2415 Then the spaceship sucked up all the humans -- except one. 1.1765 0.04275 102 86 14 2
2416 ...and that is when your fondest dreams go out the window! 1.1765 0.04041 102 85 16 1
2417 It was the best of times, it was the strangest of times... 1.1765 0.04786 85 72 11 2
2418 You’ll be less chill after you pinch yourself 1.1765 0.04707 102 88 10 4
2419 Oh, the book's title is 'War of the Worlds.' 1.1765 0.04496 102 87 12 3
2420 Can I lay down just a moment? 1.1765 0.04275 102 86 14 2
2421 Again! Again! 1.1765 0.04496 102 87 12 3
2422 And that’s just a few of the typos you’ll find in here 1.1765 0.04707 102 88 10 4
2423 Okay, one more story, but then it’s right to the mother ship. 1.1765 0.04786 85 72 11 2
2424 I told you this story was out of this world. 1.1765 0.04244 119 102 13 4
2425 It’s scarier to experience this story than to hear it. Trust me. 1.1760 0.03778 125 105 18 2
2426 This is my favorite book to prepare you for your abduction. 1.1759 0.04329 108 92 13 3
2427 This is a bedtime story about an alien reading a bedtime story about an alien reading …etcetera. Sweet dreams, my dear. 1.1759 0.04124 108 91 15 2
2428 You'll enjoy this one, it's out of this world! 1.1759 0.04525 108 93 11 4
2429 And that's how humankind ruined planet Earth. 1.1759 0.04329 108 92 13 3
2430 And they lived happily ever after what? 1.1759 0.03909 108 90 17 1
2431 And they lived happily ever after, until now. 1.1759 0.04329 108 92 13 3
2432 ... and the people from Zorg loved their new home. 1.1758 0.04581 91 77 12 2
2433 Once upon the space-time continuum…. 1.1758 0.04306 91 76 14 1
2434 And the Earthlings accepted the new order and lived happily ever after. 1.1758 0.04581 91 77 12 2
2435 I'll give you a peek into the future, kid. There is no happy ending.... 1.1758 0.04581 91 77 12 2
2436 Goodnight Moon” is sooooooo 2098! 1.1754 0.04535 114 99 10 5
2437 I kinda like this Stephen King fellow, don’t you? 1.1754 0.03988 114 96 16 2
2438 Good night room Good night moon Good night alien jumping over the moon 1.1754 0.03988 114 96 16 2
2439 And the human-alien hybrid lived happily ever after.” And no, you are not experiencing sleep paralysis 1.1754 0.03789 114 95 18 1
2440 If Baby bear's porridge is warmer than Momma bear's, we've violated the laws of thermodynamics. 1.1754 0.03789 114 95 18 1
2441 I see you are still awake. Let me read it to you again. This time, in your language. 1.1753 0.04637 97 83 11 3
2442 And then the mama alien said, 'This host is just right.' 1.1753 0.04399 97 82 13 2
2443 Here's a selection from the Entree chapter of "To Serve Man". 1.1753 0.04863 97 84 9 4
2444 I told you we were real! 1.1753 0.04863 97 84 9 4
2445 Yes,I do sleep in the buff. Now do you want a bedtime story or not? 1.1750 0.04960 80 68 10 2
2446 I hope you like Camus; I vaporized all the other books and your parents. 1.1750 0.04960 80 68 10 2
2447 Don't be afraid. Ogres only exist in fairy tales. 1.1750 0.04275 80 66 14 0
2448 Alrighty: UFOs, abductions, dreams, the cow stuff, illusion of spacetime, all explained easy peasy now that you know how our souls are quantum entangled between dimensions. Nighty night. 1.1750 0.05270 80 69 8 3
2449 You're not gonna believe this one. 1.1750 0.04960 80 68 10 2
2450 I'm only here because our spaceship broke down. 1.1748 0.04005 103 86 16 1
2451 I going to be reading excerpts from my best selling autobiography to keep your mind off the probings. 1.1748 0.04664 103 89 10 4
2452 Somewhere over the rainbow . . . 1.1748 0.04664 103 89 10 4
2453 AND THE STRANGE BEING RODE OFF ON A EQUINE 1.1748 0.04005 103 86 16 1
2454 Yes, Suzy, the city is a scary place." 1.1748 0.04236 103 87 14 2
2455 Don't cry. Here, I'll read you a nice story from my planet. Ours aren't scary like some of these Earthling tales. 1.1748 0.04236 103 87 14 2
2456 In a tight domestic helper market like this,your parents had to hire whatever they could find. You're welcome. 1.1748 0.04005 103 86 16 1
2457 {Wow - I guess you people are not as boring as you look! 1.1748 0.04455 103 88 12 3
2458 Haven't you ever seen a space alien read a book before? Jeez. 1.1748 0.04864 103 90 8 5
2459 Tonight's scary story is about parents who are being experimented upon by aliens while one of the aliens reads to their child. 1.1744 0.04734 86 73 11 2
2460 Dad, where did you say the babysitter was from again?" "Not sure son, all she mentioned in her text is that she's a legal alien. 1.1743 0.04292 109 93 13 3
2461 I used to take Spin classes with ET! 1.1743 0.05022 109 97 5 7
2462 Spoiler alert: ET phones home, gets picked up by an extraterrestrial Uber, goes home, and lives happily after ever. 1.1743 0.04292 109 93 13 3
2463 Your planet is the real nightmare. 1.1743 0.04486 109 94 11 4
2464 And then a very nice foreigner saved the little girl from her human oppressors 1.1743 0.04671 109 95 9 5
2465 - and all were enslaved, forevermore. The End. Goodnight, love! 1.1743 0.04090 109 92 15 2
2466 I'm sorry, is it weird if I just read to myself? 1.1739 0.03759 115 96 18 1
2467 This one is called 'Earthling Stew'. 1.1739 0.04325 115 99 12 4
2468 This is a fiction story...nothing to be afraid of, dear. 1.1739 0.04263 92 77 14 1
2469 Do you still think illegal aliens should be deported? 1.1739 0.04535 92 78 12 2
2470 Don’t be silly, there are no monsters under your bed. 1.1739 0.04791 92 79 10 3
2471 Then the Klingons vaporized Captain Kirk and everybody in the interplanetary federation lived happily ever after 1.1739 0.04263 92 77 14 1
2472 I hope this book won't give you nightmares. 1.1739 0.04263 92 77 14 1
2473 This scared me too when my mother read it to me! 1.1739 0.05034 92 80 8 4
2474 Close your eyes and try to imagine this next part. 1.1739 0.04263 92 77 14 1
2475 Alright,one more galaxy then to sleep! 1.1739 0.04791 92 79 10 3
2476 Interested in a story set in the Goldilocks Zone? 1.1739 0.04791 92 79 10 3
2477 Want some good night stories from me" 1.1739 0.04145 115 98 14 3
2478 It’s not scary, I promise. No plastic bottles. 1.1736 0.04179 121 104 13 4
2479 My, what probe-worthy ears you have,” said Little Red Ridinghoo 1.1735 0.04593 98 84 11 3
2480 As so the little child slept soundly in its bed, safe in the knowledge that their parents had been abducted by aliens for horrifying experiments. 1.1735 0.04816 98 85 9 4
2481 I checked under the bed. There is no monster there. 1.1735 0.03845 98 81 17 0
2482 ... and 'How To Serve Humans' was actually a cookbook. The End. 1.1735 0.04816 98 85 9 4
2483 The human found her abduction so very romantic, she lived happily ever after on Planet Zapgag. 1.1735 0.04593 98 84 11 3
2484 Just please don't probe me this time 1.1735 0.04109 98 82 15 1
2485 And their parents didn't believe a single word of their story, and the children were haunted forever. The End. 1.1735 0.04816 98 85 9 4
2486 Get serious, will you 1.1735 0.04593 98 84 11 3
2487 Shall I translate or click in the original Binary? 1.1735 0.03845 98 81 17 0
2488 Once upon an eon... 1.1735 0.04358 98 83 13 2
2489 …and they lived happily ever alien. 1.1735 0.04358 98 83 13 2
2490 Hush now, sweetie. Mommy will be beamed back by 9 pm. 1.1731 0.04622 104 90 10 4
2491 Chapter 12: Purgatory! 1.1731 0.04622 104 90 10 4
2492 And then came the wind and water and humans reconsidered alternative lifestyles. 1.1731 0.04199 104 88 14 2
2493 My friends will be here soon ! 1.1731 0.03970 104 87 16 1
2494 Good night Earth and the weather balloon. 1.1731 0.04415 104 89 12 3
2495 Your Mommy and Daddy will be back to finish the story in one or two parsecs. 1.1731 0.04199 104 88 14 2
2496 Would you rather be counting sheep? 1.1731 0.04820 104 91 8 5
2497 And they lived happily ever after in a galaxy far, far away! 1.1731 0.04199 104 88 14 2
2498 On my planet bedtime stories aren't just for children. 1.1731 0.04415 104 89 12 3
2499 ...and that is how it came to be 1.1728 0.04903 81 69 10 2
2500 In my day, the babysitter just turned on some movie about easy earth girls and called it a night. 1.1728 0.04227 81 67 14 0
2501 Sorry for my warped sense of humor. 1.1727 0.04256 110 94 13 3
2502 Goodnight kid, goodnight humanity, goonight everything alive but the cockroaches. 1.1727 0.04055 110 93 15 2
2503 You should meet with the school councilor tomorrow you look a little confused. 1.1727 0.04448 110 95 11 4
2504 The cow jumped over the moon; 1.1727 0.04055 110 93 15 2
2505 And that's how we serve man 1.1727 0.04055 110 93 15 2
2506 Zeeb zoob kron kron trazz qxan? Fnex zzloog slondoid! 1.1727 0.04448 110 95 11 4
2507 Don’t worry. The ending is out of this world! 1.1727 0.04631 110 96 9 5
2508 They don't even have my galaxy listed. 1.1727 0.04256 110 94 13 3
2509 Really, how many books about Aliens can you Aliens write? 1.1727 0.04055 110 93 15 2
2510 The end 1.1724 0.04961 87 75 9 3
2511 I know the moon personally, and it's tired of being told "Goodnight". We're not doing that one. 1.1724 0.04961 87 75 9 3
2512 Just a few more probing questions. 1.1724 0.04389 87 73 13 1
2513 I see all the pronouns are confusing you. Should I start again? 1.1724 0.04684 87 74 11 2
2514 Assimilation is the new abduction. 1.1724 0.04961 87 75 9 3
2515 Sorry your parents couldn't make it to storytime 1.1724 0.05223 87 76 7 4
2516 Keep a beauty secret? Where I’m from, we apply a few cucumber slices under sleepy eyes and they perk right back up! 1.1724 0.03522 116 96 20 0
2517 This one's titled, "Little Green Riding Hood". 1.1724 0.04684 87 74 11 2
2518 Science fiction genre is me. Fantasy is the thing under your bed. 1.1724 0.04961 87 75 9 3
2519 And all of the chosen were beamed up in a glorious bright light. The End. 1.1724 0.04961 87 75 9 3
2520 Reading is supposed to take you other worlds, you know. Close your eyes and pretend I'm your mom. 1.1724 0.03925 116 98 16 2
2521 Close your eyes, hon, tomorrow they'll be just as beautiful as mine. 1.1724 0.04961 87 75 9 3
2522 I have here a full list of universes in which thirty seconds is an exceedingly long time… 1.1724 0.04290 116 100 12 4
2523 Don’t worry, probing only happens in the stories 1.1724 0.04461 116 101 10 5
2524 Sex was out of this world, right?...right? 1.1724 0.04112 116 99 14 3
2525 Listen kid, we can't all make our fingers glow. 1.1720 0.04490 93 79 12 2
2526 I can't believe you're still into this fantasy stuff. 1.1720 0.03935 93 77 16 0
2527 Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house. Not a creature was stirring not even a mouse; eaten for dinner. 1.1720 0.04221 93 78 14 1
2528 And so it was that the Last Little Earthling fooled herself into thinking she was completely safe in her cozy, comfy bed. 1.1720 0.04743 93 80 10 3
2529 Don’t judge a book by its cover. 1.1720 0.04490 93 79 12 2
2530 Funny, we read 'Goodnight Phobos' back home." 1.1720 0.04743 93 80 10 3
2531 I’m an E.T.-Reader. 1.1720 0.04221 93 78 14 1
2532 And this one is called 'Goodnight, Mars' 1.1720 0.04743 93 80 10 3
2533 And goodnight to the lady whispering ‘hush.’ 1.1720 0.03935 93 77 16 0
2534 That reminds me - you were adopted. 1.1717 0.04982 99 87 7 5
2535 You didn't like "Big Green Robbing Hood?" 1.1717 0.04317 99 84 13 2
2536 Once upon a time a little girl lived on Earth until she was abducted by a UFO and traveled 3000 light years away to arrive at her surprise 75th birthday party. 1.1717 0.04071 99 83 15 1
2537 Why don’t you like to read Goodnight Earth? 1.1717 0.04549 99 85 11 3
2538 So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past. 1.1717 0.04982 99 87 7 5
2539 Let me tell you a cary story. 1.1717 0.04549 99 85 11 3
2540 ' Believe me, I've read it, it won't freak you out.' 1.1717 0.04317 99 84 13 2
2541 And they all probed happily ever after. The end. 1.1717 0.04549 99 85 11 3
2542 Do you mind if I shit on your chair? 1.1717 0.04982 99 87 7 5
2543 I’m your worst nightmare for tomorrow. 1.1717 0.04317 99 84 13 2
2544 So Alice's theories on the chirality of Looking-Glass stereo-isomers weren't inimical to hominid protein folding and lived anti-entropically ever before." 1.1714 0.04162 105 89 14 2
2545 It's the story of the Alien Who Stole Christmas. 1.1714 0.04162 105 89 14 2
2546 And no Earthlings lived happily ever after. 1.1714 0.04162 105 89 14 2
2547 You’re not going to believe this one. 1.1714 0.04581 105 91 10 4
2548 Why would a book called Gray's Anatomy not even mention us? 1.1714 0.04376 105 90 12 3
2549 Where was I? Oh, yes, "Now I lay me down to sleep . . . 1.1714 0.04376 105 90 12 3
2550 And to think they thought this story was just science fiction. 1.1714 0.04162 105 89 14 2
2551 And she married the prince and was alien no more. 1.1714 0.03696 105 87 18 0
2552 Of course not, abductees don't get bedtime stories. 1.1714 0.03936 105 88 16 1
2553 I know you like "Good Night, Moon" but how about "Good Night, Martian" ? 1.1714 0.04162 105 89 14 2
2554 Would you rather have me read you Men Are From Mars, and Women Are From Venus? 1.1714 0.04777 105 92 8 5
2555 How does the probe fit 1.1714 0.03936 105 88 16 1
2556 I’m going to eat you 1.1712 0.04592 111 97 9 5
2557 Let's put this book aside and I'll tell you all about your adoption. 1.1712 0.04410 111 96 11 4
2558 Once upon a time a kind and considerate alien abducted a mom and dad who insisted their daughter eat all of her vegetables... 1.1712 0.04022 111 94 15 2
2559 Once upon a time, in a far away land called Earth… 1.1712 0.04410 111 96 11 4
2560 Do you know where I can find these ‘Little Women’? They sound delicious. 1.1711 0.05091 76 65 9 2
2561 So the space alien ate the human child and lived happily ever after. 1.1709 0.03894 117 99 16 2
2562 And the human eating aliens lived happily ever after. The End. 1.1709 0.04079 117 100 14 3
2563 ...now where were we 1.1709 0.04256 117 101 12 4
2564 Our fairy tales are much different than these 1.1709 0.04256 117 101 12 4
2565 I am going to read you the true ending of "War of the Worlds". Also of "Independence Day" and "Mars Attacks" 1.1707 0.04274 123 107 11 5
2566 If you want me to leave, you’ll need to explain “What Color is Your Parachute?” 1.1707 0.04527 82 69 12 1
2567 This story is titled “close encounters at bedtime” 1.1705 0.04280 129 113 10 6
2568 The story about Saturn’s rings again? 1.1705 0.03832 129 110 16 3
2569 Yes it’s true. In the picture I used on the dating site I was 150 years younger. But everybody does that. 1.1705 0.04908 88 76 9 3
2570 Exetertrestrial! No honey, I went to Andover! 1.1705 0.04908 88 76 9 3
2571 What is a 'sleepover'? 1.1705 0.04343 88 74 13 1
2572 Do you really want me to spoil the end of humanity for you? 1.1705 0.04634 88 75 11 2
2573 If I catch you reading any more books like this, you’re grounded, and you’ll be giving me that wig back too. 1.1705 0.04343 88 74 13 1
2574 And then the little girl's mother turned into an extra terrestrial visitor who hadn't eaten a thing all day. 1.1705 0.04343 88 74 13 1
2575 You know, Cinderella's real name is Zorg. 1.1705 0.04908 88 76 9 3
2576 No more stories. Now go to bed or I will melt your brain. 1.1705 0.04908 88 76 9 3
2577 I remember it differently from H. G. Wells. 1.1705 0.04908 88 76 9 3
2578 Not to give away the ending, but we’re really not the ones you should be worried about. 1.1705 0.04343 88 74 13 1
2579 You don't actually believe in this fairy tale nonsense, do you? 1.1705 0.04634 88 75 11 2
2580 No, you're not dreaming. We'll leave for the ship presently. 1.1702 0.04446 94 80 12 2
2581 You can say it was a dream,but when you are thirty it will be a nightmare 1.1702 0.04180 94 79 14 1
2582 Ok, only one more, then I've got to catch a flight 1.1702 0.04180 94 79 14 1
2583 And humanity never found a way to come together to stop us...The..End 1.1702 0.04180 94 79 14 1
2584 Today's bedtime story is "Abducting Humans 101" 1.1702 0.03897 94 78 16 0
2585 Xzuyzxuy. No. You are not adopted. Why do you ask? 1.1702 0.04696 94 81 10 3
2586 You got a phone? 1.1702 0.04696 94 81 10 3
2587 Are you sure this won’t give you bad dreams? 1.1702 0.04696 94 81 10 3
2588 And they we threatened the human race with colonisation, slavery and extinguishing their planet’s natural resources, but from this history book it seems we’re too late… 1.1702 0.04696 94 81 10 3
2589 …and after the other aliens came out from under the bed, they all lived happily ever after. 1.1701 0.03785 147 127 15 5
2590 Goodnight moon. 1.1700 0.04507 100 86 11 3
2591 Then those mean U.S. founding fathers who were all white male non-Martians... 1.1700 0.04034 100 84 15 1
2592 On Mars it’s called ‘Goodnight Phobos and Deimos.’ 1.1700 0.04277 100 85 13 2
2593 We could try a drive around the universe 1.1700 0.04277 100 85 13 2
2594 How many times do I have to tell you? These are fairy tales, wolves don’t really talk on Earth. 1.1700 0.04507 100 86 11 3
2595 This one’s ok but I’m more into hard sci-fi.. 1.1700 0.04277 100 85 13 2
2596 And the aliens had mommy and daddy for dinner. 1.1698 0.04338 106 91 12 3
2597 And the human and the anal probe lived happily ever after… The End. 1.1698 0.04126 106 90 14 2
2598 In this fantasy, your people invaded our world. 1.1698 0.04540 106 92 10 4
2599 Don’t be afraid. Where I come from the great mystery is the UDO - Unidentified Direct Object. We’ll just gently probe your literature and you won’t remember a thing in the morning. 1.1698 0.04338 106 91 12 3
2600 This one is called "Goodnight Insignificant Exoplanet" 1.1696 0.04373 112 97 11 4
2601 And you thought you were alone in this world? It's time for another fairytale, my dear. 1.1695 0.03864 118 100 16 2
2602 I was hoping for something a little less spirited 1.1695 0.03671 118 99 18 1
2603 And after the transmorgification probe was removed ,Goldilocks lived happily ever after. 1.1694 0.04242 124 108 11 5
2604 What makes you think there's a monster under your bed? 1.1694 0.03750 124 105 17 2
2605 Come on kid, let me really tell you what happened down in Area 51 1.1687 0.05372 83 73 6 4
2606 All right... one more story before we teleport. 1.1687 0.04793 83 71 10 2
2607 This is a sequel to Goodnight Moon titled Goodbye Earth. 1.1687 0.05091 83 72 8 3
2608 I wonder if she has figured out that I can’t read 1.1687 0.04476 83 70 12 1
2609 And the soulless twilight beings lived happily ever after—on Earth. 1.1685 0.04586 89 76 11 2
2610 Stranded alone, relentlessly pursued by the government - the scariest part of all...he *phoned* home! 1.1685 0.04856 89 77 9 3
2611 That witch really knew how to abduct children. 1.1685 0.03991 89 74 15 0
2612 3 little pigs or psycho 1.1685 0.04586 89 76 11 2
2613 It sounds like Goldilocks’s sensors need to be recalibrated. 1.1685 0.04299 89 75 13 1
2614 You don't have any comet books? 1.1685 0.04856 89 77 9 3
2615 It's a generous treatment compared to The X-Files. 1.1685 0.04299 89 75 13 1
2616 And we all ruled humankind, happily ever after." 👽👽 1.1685 0.04856 89 77 9 3
2617 Casper can't come every night 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
2618 Oh wait, this one also ends with 'and then we ate the humans' 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
2619 ...and after Little Red Riding Hood killed the wolf, she returned to Mars and lived happily ever after. 1.1684 0.04140 95 80 14 1
2620 You won’t believe what happens next… 1.1684 0.04140 95 80 14 1
2621 I already put the kids to bed. 1.1684 0.04650 95 82 10 3
2622 Life is stranger than fiction, don’t you think? 1.1684 0.04140 95 80 14 1
2623 And then we eat it to digest the story? 1.1684 0.04884 95 83 8 4
2624 In this 50 shades of gray they are using probes the wrong way 1.1684 0.04402 95 81 12 2
2625 „And then Agents Mulder and Scully lived happily ever after! The End“ 1.1684 0.04140 95 80 14 1
2626 Mr. Darcy and Lizzy totally end up together, don't they. No. Don't tell me. 1.1684 0.04884 95 83 8 4
2627 Okay, buddy. Time to zap you back to sleep. 1.1683 0.04682 101 88 9 4
2628 Don’t worry , there are no monsters under your bed 1.1683 0.04682 101 88 9 4
2629 The Origin of Species again? You're sure? 1.1683 0.04465 101 87 11 3
2630 And then the probes were removed and they lived happily ever after. 1.1683 0.03997 101 85 15 1
2631 Her name was dora the explorer , and she well sleep just fine 1.1683 0.04238 101 86 13 2
2632 Haven’t you ever met an exchange student from Holland? 1.1683 0.04465 101 87 11 3
2633 They all received anal probes and lived happily ever after. 1.1683 0.04465 101 87 11 3
2634 ...and that, sweety, is why the Library of Congress changed the 'Illegal Alien' subject heading. 1.1683 0.03997 101 85 15 1
2635 And once they replaced all politicians with their own kind, the Aliens lived happily ever after. Theee end. 1.1683 0.04465 101 87 11 3
2636 then all the humans died happily ever after 1.1682 0.04090 107 91 14 2
2637 And then David Duchovny was revealed as the alien queen. The end. 1.1682 0.04877 107 95 6 6
2638 It doesn’t mean The End for you personally my pet. 1.1682 0.04090 107 91 14 2
2639 And now for a story that’s totally out of this world. 1.1682 0.04300 107 92 12 3
2640 In a galaxy, close, close nearby… 1.1682 0.04300 107 92 12 3
2641 Still not sleepy? 1.1681 0.04516 113 99 9 5
2642 Dream on, dream on, teenage queen. 1.1681 0.04151 113 97 13 3
2643 After Princess Buttercup was teleported to Alpha Centauri, Westley gave up looking for her and married the tavern wench. 1.1681 0.04151 113 97 13 3
2644 Don’t worry, the good guys always win. 1.1681 0.04337 113 98 11 4
2645 You know, I've always wanted to pick at the mind of a human being. 1.1681 0.03751 113 95 17 1
2646 …and as the alligator walked through the Florida golf course, they realized it was only January. 1.1681 0.03956 113 96 15 2
2647 Tonight’s bedtime story is out of this world. 1.1680 0.04054 125 108 13 4
2648 And then the Martians ate all the humans and lived happily ever after... 1.1667 0.04639 102 89 9 4
2649 Sometimes it is best to not ask questions, Mr. Kevin. 1.1667 0.04360 96 82 12 2
2650 I’m taking over for your day” 1.1667 0.04539 90 77 11 2
2651 It’s just a story. Don’t take it personally. 1.1667 0.04199 102 87 13 2
2652 This sci-fi book is just out of this world... 1.1667 0.04740 84 72 10 2
2653 We actually prefer books that probe the human psyche to, well, you know. 1.1667 0.04117 114 98 13 3
2654 It's a fantasy in which human beings dominate the earth. 1.1667 0.04539 90 77 11 2
2655 And E T lived very happily after he got home . 1.1667 0.04055 108 92 14 2
2656 You don't look sleepy-eyed. 1.1667 0.04199 102 87 13 2
2657 You have been ghosted by ET 1.1667 0.04199 102 87 13 2
2658 You've already read me that story. ET, go home! 1.1667 0.04970 78 67 9 2
2659 That noise? It's just your mother groaning under your bed. 1.1667 0.04604 96 83 10 3
2660 And they all lived happily ever after on Alpha Centauri B. 1.1667 0.04604 96 83 10 3
2661 Why, yes, it is a cookbook, how did you know? 1.1667 0.04539 90 77 11 2
2662 This one’s chock-full of alienated youth. 1.1667 0.04837 96 84 8 4
2663 Oh stop that's not even the chapter when you disappeared for a few days and I had to make my own meals. 1.1667 0.05058 96 85 6 5
2664 But before the abduction, a reading from the book of Ezekiel. 1.1667 0.04806 90 78 9 3
2665 Oh by the way, you’re adopted. 1.1667 0.03950 90 75 15 0
2666 And then they blkxygmd ever after. 1.1667 0.04117 114 98 13 3
2667 Goodnight xqtuyrfo , was my favorite story when I was little. 1.1667 0.04199 102 87 13 2
2668 And then the scary Earthlings tied up the poor peace-seeking Trafalmadorians and stuck probes in them..... 1.1667 0.04837 96 84 8 4
2669 Sorry,Madam,but TALES FROM THE X-FILES is not on the Approved Reading List. 1.1667 0.04806 90 78 9 3
2670 Would you like me to speed read the dictionary to you again? 1.1667 0.05059 90 79 7 4
2671 And she said, "Clone-Ma, what small eyes you have. 1.1667 0.04199 102 87 13 2
2672 Why, yes, I did travel billions of light years just to read your diary. 1.1667 0.04837 96 84 8 4
2673 You will like this next story, it will take you out of this world. 1.1667 0.04100 96 81 14 1
2674 No one can believe I read English! 1.1667 0.04424 102 88 11 3
2675 Wait, am I the dream or are you? 1.1667 0.04639 102 89 9 4
2676 Would you prefer that your xcPAa4vvM# read this story to you? 1.1667 0.04604 96 83 10 3
2677 I'll skip the next chapter, it just seems to be a recipe. 1.1667 0.04255 90 76 13 1
2678 You're lucky. In the old days, we'd have brought you aboard our ship. Nowadays, we bring the probe right to you. 1.1667 0.04255 90 76 13 1
2679 Funny, the manual says you should have screamed by now. 1.1667 0.04539 90 77 11 2
2680 Yes --- I was abducted when you were two. 1.1667 0.04360 96 82 12 2
2681 Alien child envy 1.1667 0.04604 96 83 10 3
2682 Wait, so in the end Jesus lives…forever?! 1.1667 0.04604 96 83 10 3
2683 And they were all anally probed ever after. Sweet dreams! 1.1667 0.04255 90 76 13 1
2684 And then the nice alien probed them. 1.1667 0.04740 84 72 10 2
2685 ...and that's the legend of Bigfoot. 1.1667 0.03835 108 91 16 1
2686 Yes, Virginia. There ARE aliens. 1.1667 0.04806 90 78 9 3
2687 Reading books scares me. 1.1667 0.04263 108 93 12 3
2688 How about the one where the Big Bad Wolf turns out to be an alien? 1.1667 0.04604 96 83 10 3
2689 I can't understand what this book says" 1.1667 0.04424 102 88 11 3
2690 Even I find that the main character’s actions can be alienating. 1.1667 0.04199 102 87 13 2
2691 And they lived happily ever after on my planet. 1.1667 0.04461 108 94 10 4
2692 Well, there's space for improvement. 1.1667 0.04199 102 87 13 2
2693 ... but then the Martians developed a vaccine and returned later to conquer the Earth. 1.1667 0.04427 84 71 12 1
2694 And that’s how’s it’s done. Are you ready for your probing? 1.1667 0.05600 78 69 5 4
2695 I have a few probing questions. 1.1667 0.03804 120 102 16 2
2696 Once upon a time, far, far away... 1.1667 0.04100 96 81 14 1
2697 ‘All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way’ 1.1667 0.04639 102 89 9 4
2698 ...and you know what, he DID phone home after all! The End! 1.1667 0.04639 102 89 9 4
2699 Good night Moon, good night Stars, good night to all Earthlings, for you are now ours. 1.1667 0.04604 96 83 10 3
2700 That’s all for tonight—visitation hours are over. 1.1667 0.03950 90 75 15 0
2701 How can you possibly be tired of science fiction? 1.1667 0.04806 90 78 9 3
2702 ...And they all lived happily ever after, never questioning the whereabouts of their mother ever again. 1.1667 0.04156 120 104 12 4
2703 And this princess, she is your Leader? 1.1667 0.03603 108 90 18 0
2704 Once upon a time, in a land far away, Planet B existed. However, due to climate change, we had to move to Earth .... 1.1667 0.04360 96 82 12 2
2705 Are you susceptible to nightmares? 1.1667 0.04360 96 82 12 2
2706 Exactly! Probes are psychological now. Tell me more about your mother.. 1.1667 0.04199 102 87 13 2
2707 Yea, the thread count is just different- smoother and softer on Episilon…can we get back to the story? 1.1667 0.03708 102 85 17 0
2708 Do you want to hear a third story about why we like to abduct cows Billy? 1.1667 0.04604 96 83 10 3
2709 This "Adam & Eve" thing is a bit far fetched, but I knew Jesus and he was a great guy! 1.1667 0.04263 108 93 12 3
2710 Fear me to the sleep, please?? 1.1667 0.04117 114 98 13 3
2711 You know Elliot, I’m um, I’m just gonna say it. You really need some human friends 1.1667 0.03804 120 102 16 2
2712 Goodnight cow, jumping over the moons. 1.1667 0.04424 102 88 11 3
2713 Sweetie I told you.. I come from planet Sagan. And my name is Carl. 1.1667 0.04539 90 77 11 2
2714 The little alien girl said the first bed was too hard, the second too soft but the third was just right 1.1652 0.03892 115 98 15 2
2715 Your parents are in a galaxy far, far away. 1.1652 0.03892 115 98 15 2
2716 « Don’t be silly!! There is nothing to be scared of. Monsters are not real! » 1.1652 0.04266 115 100 11 4
2717 And then the baby Ewok said to the mommy Ewok… 1.1651 0.04020 109 93 14 2
2718 Does Dr Seuss know you're here? 1.1651 0.03803 109 92 16 1
2719 Letting go of his hand, she tumbled over the cliff and into the deep, murky waters. 1.1651 0.04611 109 96 8 5
2720 Good Night Moon" again 1.1651 0.04226 109 94 12 3
2721 Don’t worry, it’s not sci-fi.” 1.1650 0.04384 103 89 11 3
2722 How do you read this shit? 1.1650 0.04161 103 88 13 2
2723 Where was I? 1.1650 0.04161 103 88 13 2
2724 And they lived happily ever after on Area 51, I know. 1.1650 0.04161 103 88 13 2
2725 ....and he got married and had 5 kids and worked 9-5 in a boring job until he dropped dead. Sweet dreams Kevin. 1.1649 0.04318 97 83 12 2
2726 Your writings of our history is not accurate. 1.1649 0.04560 97 84 10 3
2727 Science fiction is so hokey. Give me a good romance novel any day. 1.1649 0.04560 97 84 10 3
2728 Didn't that story just carry you away?? 1.1649 0.04560 97 84 10 3
2729 Your parents have their care.com search distance set to "infinite." 1.1649 0.04061 97 82 14 1
2730 Sorry! I really didn’t mean to alienate you! 1.1649 0.04318 97 83 12 2
2731 I'm going to get a snack, do you want anything? 1.1649 0.04789 97 85 8 4
2732 Goodnight, Eighty Moons of Jupiter. Goodnight, rings of Saturn and Goodnight FOREVER, Planet Earth.. Ken Coomer, Nashville Tennessee 1.1649 0.04318 97 83 12 2
2733 My English is getting better! Can I have you for dinner? 1.1649 0.04560 97 84 10 3
2734 Once upon a space... 1.1649 0.04789 97 85 8 4
2735 You promised if I read one more story you’d take that human mask off and go to sleep! 1.1649 0.04318 97 83 12 2
2736 Chapter two: the happy brown dog grasps quantum field theory. 1.1648 0.05006 91 80 7 4
2737 I’ve written this in the style of Poe under my pseudonym of E.T. Eliot. 1.1648 0.04212 91 77 13 1
2738 ...When a stranger resides with you in your land,you shall not wrong him... you shall love him as yourself. 1.1648 0.04492 91 78 11 2
2739 What kind of bedtime stories did you read down on Earth? 1.1648 0.04212 91 77 13 1
2740 Honey, I’ll start reading after you take off your Halloween costume, put on your pajamas, brush your teeth and get back into bed. 1.1648 0.04492 91 78 11 2
2741 Let's pick up from where we left off last time? 1.1648 0.04212 91 77 13 1
2742 #&+#)(!!**" 1.1648 0.04492 91 78 11 2
2743 My assignment was to get embedded. 1.1648 0.05006 91 80 7 4
2744 Chapter VII, in which Pooh welcomes the new Christopher Robin and Eeyore is probed. 1.1648 0.03911 91 76 15 0
2745 So then Mama Bear, Papa Bear and Baby Bear all got onto the spaceship to Uranus. And they all lived happily ever after... 1.1648 0.04492 91 78 11 2
2746 No Clara... Teleportation is impossible. That's just more science fiction mumbo-jumbo. 1.1648 0.04756 91 79 9 3
2747 At school tomorrow you must spell and define "extraterrestrial!" 1.1648 0.04756 91 79 9 3
2748 This is the LAST page. I have to get back to the ship 1.1648 0.04492 91 78 11 2
2749 When you wake up, you won't remember any of this. Oh, and also, you'll be a potato, but you won't know that either because, well, you'll be a potato. Anyway, where was I? 1.1648 0.04756 91 79 9 3
2750 Something else, or more Stephen King? 1.1648 0.04756 91 79 9 3
2751 I assure you, this is not a cookbook! 1.1648 0.04756 91 79 9 3
2752 No way, the bible is considered non-fiction here? 1.1648 0.04212 91 77 13 1
2753 And, just as he had dreamed, E.T. went home... 1.1647 0.04047 85 71 14 0
2754 How about a nice Alien Invasion story tonight. 1.1647 0.04688 85 73 10 2
2755 Wae Betwen the Worlds" is SO overated 1.1647 0.04688 85 73 10 2
2756 A scary one or a happy one? 1.1647 0.04379 85 72 12 1
2757 Once upon a time a little girl disappeared and was never seen again. The end. Well, good night, sweetie. Sleep tight. 1.1647 0.04688 85 73 10 2
2758 'Close Encounters of the Third Kind' is so unrealistic! 1.1647 0.04688 85 73 10 2
2759 Once upon a time in a faraway land... well obviously not that farawy." 1.1647 0.04688 85 73 10 2
2760 Let's see how you feel when I tell you that you're NOT dreaming." Mel Yoken New Bedford, Ma. myoken@umassd.ed 1.1647 0.04688 85 73 10 2
2761 And the pods lived happily ever after. 1.1646 0.04911 79 68 9 2
2762 Sweetheart your father will be home after the Oscars. He just accepted his award for The Goodbye Girl and told you to go to sleep. 1.1646 0.05532 79 70 5 4
2763 Now, I'd like to metaphorically transport you to another world. 1.1646 0.05532 79 70 5 4
2764 I really like the Ray Bradbury fellow. 1.1646 0.04911 79 68 9 2
2765 yes BLM exists .. it's just UFO stands for "Undistributed Funds Organization" having embezzled millions and millions without helping black communities nationwide 1.1646 0.04198 79 66 13 0
2766 '"In the beginning, God created Frxbaz and Mogkly." 1.1644 0.05166 73 63 8 2
2767 Guess who the ghost writer is? 1.1639 0.04411 122 108 8 6
2768 ...and they assimilated happily ever after 1.1636 0.04190 110 95 12 3
2769 This is my first one solo. It says here that the probing is next. I better refer to the book, it's not my best subject. 1.1636 0.03986 110 94 14 2
2770 Does The Prince need saving in any of these? 1.1636 0.04385 110 96 10 4
2771 Then the big bad Wulfonian discovered Little Red Riding Hood tasted much better than her Grandma! 1.1635 0.03891 104 88 15 1
2772 In a galaxy, far, far, away... 1.1635 0.04345 104 90 11 3
2773 Have you ever seen a grown E.T. naked? 1.1635 0.04124 104 89 13 2
2774 With the last earthling finally captured, they all lived happily ever after. 1.1635 0.03891 104 88 15 1
2775 I’ll be honest with you, kid. Your folks hired me through ETBedtime. Maybe if they paid for a premium membership and I made a decent wage, I’d put more thought into the disguise. 1.1635 0.04345 104 90 11 3
2776 Great nanny; could best be described as stellar. 1.1635 0.03891 104 88 15 1
2777 Oooo ... This is the part where "Goodnight Moon" really gets me! 1.1635 0.03891 104 88 15 1
2778 And you thought you we just seeing things 1.1635 0.04345 104 90 11 3
2779 That was Marlon Brando from Krypton, I am from Knappen. It's like Slovenia and Slovakia. 1.1635 0.04345 104 90 11 3
2780 Mum, am I abducted? 1.1635 0.04124 104 89 13 2
2781 ... and he is now under your bed... 1.1633 0.04277 98 84 12 2
2782 And no one believed the little girl until it was too late. 1.1633 0.04516 98 85 10 3
2783 I always loved ROD Serling 1.1633 0.04277 98 84 12 2
2784 Like, I am your Father 1.1633 0.04277 98 84 12 2
2785 So the Pied Piper abducted children. That’s pretty grim. 1.1633 0.04743 98 86 8 4
2786 And then she woke up. 1.1633 0.04516 98 85 10 3
2787 But I thought you'd be happy to hear about my large family on earth! 1.1633 0.04743 98 86 8 4
2788 ...and this is how the War of the Worlds ended. Only because they refused to take my advice and get vaccinated! 1.1633 0.04277 98 84 12 2
2789 "Just think of me as a migrant from red to blue planets." 1.1633 0.03753 98 82 16 0
2790 That story isn't any scarier than the fact I am still single, alone and in a narrow bed listening to it. 1.1633 0.04277 98 84 12 2
2791 Do you wanna see a picture of me in high school when I was on the probing team? 1.1633 0.04023 98 83 14 1
2792 You’re going to love this story. It’s out of this world. 1.1633 0.04277 98 84 12 2
2793 Goodnight zorp, goodnight glorp, goodnight boop, goodnight sloop. 1.1633 0.04023 98 83 14 1
2794 And that's how we grays do surgery to cow step by step 1.1633 0.04516 98 85 10 3
2795 Raising pet is high-maintenance indeed. 1.1633 0.04516 98 85 10 3
2796 Your mother would freak out if she found this. 1.1633 0.04277 98 84 12 2
2797 Hey, you were right! It is a cookbook after all! 1.1633 0.04516 98 85 10 3
2798 My mutations loved this book. 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
2799 It's called 'The Lion, The Witch, and the Sore Probe'. 1.1630 0.05190 92 82 5 5
2800 It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
2801 Stranger In A Strange Land - I see what you did there. 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
2802 Alberto, go to sleep now. You know this is one of your favorite stories I read you when you are anxious" 1.1630 0.04955 92 81 7 4
2803 Can you pick a book with human characters next time? 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
2804 HT phone home. 1.1630 0.03872 92 77 15 0
2805 Spoiler alert: The Grapes of Wrath has nothing to do with wine tastings. 1.1630 0.04447 92 79 11 2
2806 And the alien ate the wolf that had just eaten Red Riding Hood's grandmother, and everyone wondered how the alien stayed so thin." 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
2807 You already know the ending, huh? 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
2808 Yes, mother, I will indeed refer to every character as ‘they’. It’s your problem you can’t follow the story.” 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
2809 Thanks for letting me read you this last chapter. I completely forgot my book report is due next monday. Just don’t tell your parents, ok? 1.1630 0.04708 92 80 9 3
2810 I know books take us to another dimension, but aren’t you going a bit far? 1.1628 0.04924 86 75 8 3
2811 Snuggle under the covers and get ready to fall dead asleep. 1.1628 0.04332 86 73 12 1
2812 Tomorrow night we’ll finish Little Green Riding Hood 1.1625 0.04853 80 69 9 2
2813 You know I said you couldn’t sleep in your Halloween costume. 1.1625 0.04853 80 69 9 2
2814 . . . and that is the actual reality of how everything was made and why you exist. 1.1625 0.04853 80 69 9 2
2815 Relax. It's only fiction. 1.1622 0.03953 111 95 14 2
2816 Yes, I'm the sitter! Your mom had to catch a last minute flight. 1.1622 0.03953 111 95 14 2
2817 No not a tea cup saucer. 1.1622 0.03953 111 95 14 2
2818 Good night aliens everywhere. 1.1622 0.03953 111 95 14 2
2819 Have you heard the good news about Morp, our Lord and Savior? 1.1622 0.04348 111 97 10 4
2820 Good night moon huh! Moon is not a nice place , you know! 1.1622 0.04155 111 96 12 3
2821 It would be pretty scary if I knew how to read this, wouldn’t it? 1.1622 0.05451 74 65 6 3
2822 Roswell? Now where have I heard that name before? Oh, well, never mind! 1.1619 0.04514 105 92 9 4
2823 Once upon a time there was a girl human on the planet Earth . . . . 1.1619 0.04088 105 90 13 2
2824 Hard to believe that someday this will all be mine… 1.1619 0.03857 105 89 15 1
2825 You were reading "Close Encounters of the Third Kind"? That's hilarious! Maureen W 1.1619 0.03612 105 88 17 0
2826 And we all lived happily ever after. The end, no go to sleep, I need to go find your leader. 1.1619 0.04514 105 92 9 4
2827 Long long ago, in a galaxy far far away, lived a little orphan like me named Xrxzqy. 1.1619 0.04514 105 92 9 4
2828 Ack ack-ack room, ack ack-ack moon... 1.1619 0.04514 105 92 9 4
2829 Did I say "probe"? Sorry, I meant "prose." 1.1616 0.04473 99 86 10 3
2830 This is where the story really gets weird! 1.1616 0.04237 99 85 12 2
2831 ...And so that's how the U.S. government was able to successfully cover-up and deny the existence of intelligent extraterrestrial life-forms for so many years. 1.1616 0.04473 99 86 10 3
2832 When I was a little kid growing up in Area 51... 1.1616 0.03986 99 84 14 1
2833 …..and the cow jumped over the moon. Luckily the loading dock was open and we immediately began the experiments . 1.1616 0.04473 99 86 10 3
2834 Un pocito. Why do you ask? Is your other babysitter also alien? 1.1616 0.03986 99 84 14 1
2835 Not all stories we read have happy endings. Yet, here we are. 1.1616 0.04237 99 85 12 2
2836 Ahhh, chapter threee - the anus! 1.1616 0.03986 99 84 14 1
2837 You look scared, should I get in bed with you? 1.1613 0.04128 93 79 13 1
2838 Does it have to be The War of the Worlds again? 1.1613 0.04402 93 80 11 2
2839 For the last time, this is not a costume..now will you settle down and go to sleep ! 1.1613 0.04128 93 79 13 1
2840 This is a science fiction story called Life on Earth. 1.1613 0.04660 93 81 9 3
2841 One more story, then I have to anal probe your parents. 1.1613 0.04402 93 80 11 2
2842 Bet you haven't heard the one about the dinosaurs? 1.1613 0.04402 93 80 11 2
2843 ...where he found his supper waiting for him, and it was still hot 1.1613 0.04128 93 79 13 1
2844 Once there was a boy who was not sure what species he was. 1.1613 0.04402 93 80 11 2
2845 Chapter 1. The day after finally communicating with Aliens. 1.1613 0.04402 93 80 11 2
2846 This is a dream 1.1609 0.04588 87 75 10 2
2847 When I finish this one, I am going to have to go back under the bed. 1.1609 0.04588 87 75 10 2
2848 How should I know how it ends? It's your planet! 1.1609 0.04588 87 75 10 2
2849 Don't be silly dear. Aliens aren't real." 1.1609 0.04588 87 75 10 2
2850 Goodnight moon, goodnight stars, goodnight unclassified organism #1, goodnight unclassified organism #2... 1.1609 0.04870 87 76 8 3
2851 And now its time for GOODNIGHT MOON WALKER. 1.1609 0.04870 87 76 8 3
2852 Rise and shine! 1.1609 0.04588 87 75 10 2
2853 What shall we read tonight? The Three Little Xybglobs? Or how about Little Red Invading Hood? 1.1609 0.04588 87 75 10 2
2854 We're galaxies past "Goodnight Moon". 1.1609 0.04588 87 75 10 2
2855 Shall I telepathically communicate the next chapter? 1.1609 0.04286 87 74 12 1
2856 They were different species and they knew it was wrong but they were in love. From that love they spawned the human race. 1.1609 0.04870 87 76 8 3
2857 This is good, but you should read the German fairytales! 1.1609 0.04286 87 74 12 1
2858 I heard you were having trouble sleeping 1.1609 0.04286 87 74 12 1
2859 One more erotica story, or are we ready? 1.1607 0.03710 112 95 16 1
2860 Sorry, we'll have to end it here. I think I hear my mother-ship calling. 1.1607 0.03920 112 96 14 2
2861 Relax. Mother Goose is safe with us. 1.1605 0.04464 81 69 11 1
2862 Hmm ...yes ...Adam...A daam.... 1.1605 0.04464 81 69 11 1
2863 Alien: "Once upon a time in a nearby planet called Earth..." 1.1604 0.04052 106 91 13 2
2864 And that's why your mother sent us to take you to Mars 1.1604 0.04268 106 92 11 3
2865 I am so tired of people saying 'Take me to your reader'. 1.1604 0.04268 106 92 11 3
2866 Spooked, are you? 1.1604 0.04052 106 91 13 2
2867 We actually share DNA and a love for reading. 1.1604 0.04268 106 92 11 3
2868 I can't see how they all 'lived happily ever after', when no one got probed at all. 1.1604 0.03824 106 90 15 1
2869 Let’s visualize the story I’m about to read you 1.1604 0.04268 106 92 11 3
2870 Just saying, there's no happily ever after in this story. 1.1604 0.04474 106 93 9 4
2871 You should try having one of MY nightmares. 1.1604 0.04268 106 92 11 3
2872 But E.T. Petey told Henny Penny no, the sky's not falling... yet. 1.1600 0.05383 75 66 6 3
2873 I know this diary was supposed to be private, but I LOVE what you've written about me - and that one "special" thing I do for you. 1.1600 0.04431 100 87 10 3
2874 Your mother said you like bedtime stories" 1.1600 0.03949 100 85 14 1
2875 The next story is really scary. 1.1600 0.04431 100 87 10 3
2876 The true story about that tuffet! 1.1600 0.04431 100 87 10 3
2877 No worries, you'll be home by morning! 1.1600 0.05037 75 65 8 2
2878 While visions of aliens danced in their heads. 1.1600 0.04431 100 87 10 3
2879 This one's called, 'Invasion of the Mommy Snatchers.' 1.1600 0.04197 100 86 12 2
2880 Nice costume Mother Goose 1.1600 0.04866 100 89 6 5
2881 So it's the gravity that's holding you back from exploring outer space. . 1.1600 0.03949 100 85 14 1
2882 This next one's really alienating! 1.1600 0.04654 100 88 8 4
2883 This next story is out of this world. 1.1597 0.03955 119 103 13 3
2884 We didn’t go blind, but I wouldn’t bet against “use it or lose it”. 1.1597 0.04131 119 104 11 4
2885 Don't worry. To Serve Man is a classic. 1.1597 0.03955 119 103 13 3
2886 Who's Elliott 1.1596 0.04613 94 82 9 3
2887 ... and that's how we started the human race - the end! 1.1596 0.04613 94 82 9 3
2888 It's ok Roswell, it's just a story. 1.1596 0.04358 94 81 11 2
2889 Once upon a time there were two buck naked people a snake and an apple. 1.1596 0.04358 94 81 11 2
2890 Sorry to probe but am I keeping you up? 1.1596 0.04088 94 80 13 1
2891 And they all lived galactically ever after. 1.1596 0.04358 94 81 11 2
2892 Very Brechtian,Mother. 1.1596 0.04855 94 83 7 4
2893 That's so monsterist! We are we always stuck under the bed or in the closet? 1.1596 0.04613 94 82 9 3
2894 ...And the third little pig went to Mars. 1.1596 0.04855 94 83 7 4
2895 Relax kid, I told your parents you’d be asleep before they returned home. 1.1596 0.04088 94 80 13 1
2896 Yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus 1.1596 0.04088 94 80 13 1
2897 I really prefer the definition of “Examine” over “Probe” 1.1596 0.04613 94 82 9 3
2898 IN a galaxy far away 1.1593 0.03458 113 95 18 0
2899 This is a story my mother used to read to me when I was a human. 1.1593 0.03679 113 96 16 1
2900 Now I would like to read from 'How to Serve Humans' chapter six. 1.1591 0.04818 88 77 8 3
2901 Actually Dana, the truth is in HERE. 1.1591 0.04539 88 76 10 2
2902 Go probe yourself. I'm here looking for first editions. 1.1591 0.05082 88 78 6 4
2903 Sorry, big anatomy test coming up. 1.1591 0.04818 88 77 8 3
2904 Bleep bloop bloop bop.” 1.1591 0.04241 88 75 12 1
2905 It's a cookbook. he he he 1.1591 0.04818 88 77 8 3
2906 Can you believe what they are writing about aliens these days?!? 1.1591 0.04241 88 75 12 1
2907 Get ready, here comes the scary part! 1.1591 0.04818 88 77 8 3
2908 So then I said: "Rectum? Damn near killed him! 1.1591 0.04818 88 77 8 3
2909 No honey, you’re not “adopted” 1.1591 0.04539 88 76 10 2
2910 ''That is the story of when your father and I came down to earth in 2020, the end.'' 1.1591 0.04241 88 75 12 1
2911 It’s not available at my library. 1.1591 0.04539 88 76 10 2
2912 …and that’s why your father and I decided to name you ‘Fox Mulder Jr.’ 1.1591 0.04241 88 75 12 1
2913 Your father has been abducted, now I AM YOUR FATHER. 1.1589 0.04231 107 93 11 3
2914 And "To Seve Man" is a cookbook. 1.1589 0.04231 107 93 11 3
2915 Timmy kept his mouth shut and lived happily ever after. 1.1589 0.04017 107 92 13 2
2916 ‘Twas the night before Christmas when all through the house not a creature was stirring not even an Alien Space mouse”. 1.1589 0.04231 107 93 11 3
2917 Why do you look scared? Never judge a book by it's cover. 1.1589 0.03791 107 91 15 1
2918 Sorry... I can't get excited about fantasy literature... 1.1589 0.03791 107 91 15 1
2919 This story is really out there. 1.1585 0.04414 82 70 11 1
2920 One more story, then I'll tuck you into my spaceship. 1.1585 0.04414 82 70 11 1
2921 A long time ago in a galaxy...well, a heck of a lot closer than you might think. 1.1585 0.04414 82 70 11 1
2922 One more story, then it’s time for you to get probed. 1.1585 0.04058 82 69 13 0
2923 Do you want to hear a good one about humans? 1.1584 0.03651 101 85 16 0
2924 if only mother could really see what Botox has done for her thought Mary....! 1.1584 0.04158 101 87 12 2
2925 I remember being your age, my body was changing, my parents were locked in the basement screaming, and that rabid raccoon I brought home was up to his old tricks again. What a rascal. 1.1584 0.04158 101 87 12 2
2926 Sorry honey, am gonna need Google Translate. 1.1584 0.04158 101 87 12 2
2927 So that's how they do it! Tomorrow night at this time, you'll look like me. 1.1584 0.03913 101 86 14 1
2928 And that’s not fake news. 1.1584 0.03913 101 86 14 1
2929 I cannot believe I get to ready my favorite alien adventure book to an actual alien. 1.1584 0.03913 101 86 14 1
2930 Listen, Kid, don't think you're the only one who can't wait for the Intergalactic Parents' Exchange Program to end. 1.1584 0.04610 101 89 8 4
2931 Don't worry, I promise you this story will be out of this world. 1.1584 0.03913 101 86 14 1
2932 'Goodnight Moon,' the updated edition. 1.1579 0.04316 95 82 11 2
2933 ..and Sally shared her apartment with Mack the Alien happily ever after. 1.1579 0.04568 95 83 9 3
2934 I read 'War and Peace' real fast. 1.1579 0.04316 95 82 11 2
2935 This is just a fairytale. Of course aliens do not exist. 1.1579 0.04568 95 83 9 3
2936 Goodnight planetary satellite, goodnight planet, goodnight last surviving member of previous dominant species. 1.1579 0.05636 76 68 4 4
2937 And what sound does a cow make? And what sound does a dog make? And what sound does a human make? 1.1579 0.04975 76 66 8 2
2938 Here's a classic: Snow White and the Seven Moons 1.1579 0.04048 95 81 13 1
2939 Goodnight Earth. Goodnight cow jumping over the Earth. 1.1579 0.04316 95 82 11 2
2940 Can we please go one night without you asking why I ate your mother? 1.1579 0.04568 95 83 9 3
2941 Once upon a time, an alien abducted your dad ... 1.1579 0.04419 114 101 8 5
2942 My manual says I should probe you. 1.1574 0.04395 108 95 9 4
2943 The death star was destroyed, the evil empire was defeated and they lived happily ever after. 1.1574 0.03758 108 92 15 1
2944 And they lived happily ever after on the planet ZV*PXM!T... 1.1574 0.04194 108 94 11 3
2945 I see nothing illogical about giving this mouse a cookie. 1.1574 0.04194 108 94 11 3
2946 Oh, how funny, the three of them returned from the exoplanet planet K2-18b just to find out that Goldilocks ate their porridge. 1.1574 0.03758 108 92 15 1
2947 You do one anal probe, and that's all they write about you. 1.1574 0.04194 108 94 11 3
2948 The plot seems a stretch to me. 1.1573 0.04491 89 77 10 2
2949 It's a special treat! It's called ''Twas the Night Before Hallowe'en' 1.1573 0.04767 89 78 8 3
2950 Can I borrow this? We finished all our audio books on the trip here. 1.1573 0.05028 89 79 6 4
2951 You took my mind off the monster under the bed. 1.1573 0.04491 89 77 10 2
2952 …and finally then I decided monsters don’t really live under the bed. 1.1573 0.04197 89 76 12 1
2953 No,we have Netflix 1.1573 0.04197 89 76 12 1
2954 Who is better to read Science fiction! 1.1573 0.04767 89 78 8 3
2955 Don't rock..et me to sleep! Gurleen Anand gurleen.anand@gmail.com 1.1573 0.04491 89 77 10 2
2956 …and the human race was wiped out and the rest of all the universe lived happily ever after. And now it’s time for bed. 1.1573 0.04491 89 77 10 2
2957 When all the babysitters are on strike -- who ya goin' to call ... who ya goin' to call ...? 1.1573 0.04767 89 78 8 3
2958 Oh my. You really are a failed species. 1.1573 0.04197 89 76 12 1
2959 And then we annihilated the whole human race and lived happily ever after. Nite-nite. 1.1573 0.04491 89 77 10 2
2960 Miss Ruthie ... I want to read you this classic story I just wrote ... "The Night Before You Died 1.1573 0.04197 89 76 12 1
2961 We were here long before you and will be here long after you. Sweet dreams. 1.1573 0.03881 89 75 14 0
2962 Oh no, Billy, I AM your Dad. The nice folks took me into their nice ship and then they sent me back. 1.1571 0.04831 70 60 9 1
2963 And she didn’t live happily, in fact, she was never seen by earthlings ever again. 1.1569 0.03878 102 87 14 1
2964 Doesn’t it all make more sense now? Mark Wollaeger 1.1569 0.04120 102 88 12 2
2965 The End. Now, go on to bed so I can get that tooth under your pillow. 1.1569 0.03619 102 86 16 0
2966 And then I told Noah to build Aquatic Rainstorm Keg, and teleported animals from all over the world to fight each other. 1.1569 0.04120 102 88 12 2
2967 And yet the feeling persisted that she was missing something,out there betwixt the light of day and the dark of dreams 1.1569 0.04350 102 89 10 3
2968 'And they all lived emotionlessly ever after.' 1.1569 0.04120 102 88 12 2
2969 And that’s the story of how your species was subjugated. Sweet dreams, pet. 1.1569 0.04120 102 88 12 2
2970 No, silly, it's not a cookbook. 1.1569 0.04120 102 88 12 2
2971 And the rest is ancient alien history! 1.1569 0.03878 102 87 14 1
2972 ''Do you want to phone home, dear?'' 1.1566 0.04689 83 72 9 2
2973 Your parents couldn't make it. They had some beaming up to do. 1.1566 0.04364 83 71 11 1
2974 We'll begin with the Epilogue. 1.1566 0.04992 83 73 7 3
2975 A long time ago in a galaxy not so far away ... 1.1566 0.04689 83 72 9 2
2976 How about a sci-fi thriller, for a change? 1.1566 0.04689 83 72 9 2
2977 This one is a bit far-fetched, don’t you think? 1.1566 0.04689 83 72 9 2
2978 This guy H.G. Wells had some imagination; imagine us aliens having tentacles! Crazy! 1.1566 0.04689 83 72 9 2
2979 Once upon a time there were aliens ? who lived on a planet called “earth”… 1.1565 0.04553 115 103 6 6
2980 And the humans all lived happily ever after under the rule of their new overlords. 1.1565 0.03825 115 99 14 2
2981 It’s a cookbook. We’re here to serve you. 1.1562 0.04523 96 84 9 3
2982 And we lived happily ever after. 1.1562 0.04274 96 83 11 2
2983 Oh yes, babysitting is very competitive where I come from. 1.1562 0.04009 96 82 13 1
2984 How about a ghost story? 1.1562 0.04009 96 82 13 1
2985 The white whale is my cousin. Do you think he will prevail? 1.1562 0.04009 96 82 13 1
2986 Baby Bear said, ' Someone's sleeping in my bed and there she is!' And he ate her. 1.1562 0.03725 96 81 15 0
2987 She shall be the mother of nations. 1.1562 0.04523 96 84 9 3
2988 I'll skip the scary parts. 1.1562 0.04009 96 82 13 1
2989 Just be careful what you wish for next time! 1.1562 0.04274 96 83 11 2
2990 I am giving you, your nightmare in advance. 1.1562 0.04523 96 84 9 3
2991 This is the part where we invade Earth and kidnap the children. 1.1562 0.03725 96 81 15 0
2992 That one you had me read last night was too scary! Could you pick another story? 1.1560 0.04158 109 95 11 3
2993 These are The New Yorker magazine’s all-time favorite cartoons. You’re just a child; I didn’t expect you to understand them! 1.1560 0.04357 109 96 9 4
2994 Seriously, a bedtime story? 1.1560 0.04158 109 95 11 3
2995 These stories are starting to alienate me. 1.1560 0.04357 109 96 9 4
2996 And everyone probed happily ever after. 1.1560 0.03948 109 94 13 2
2997 Why would an alien wear underpants? 1.1560 0.04158 109 95 11 3
2998 ... and Alienella and the Prince lived happily ever after. 1.1558 0.04553 77 66 10 1
2999 And the next story is about a little girl who got a ride in a spaceship and lived happily ever after on Mars. 1.1558 0.04914 77 67 8 2
3000 ...and then, the little white alien seduced her with his knowledge of children's literature! 1.1558 0.04553 77 66 10 1
3001 So, are you still excited to meet your lord and saviour? 👽 1.1558 0.04914 77 67 8 2
3002 The Industrial Revolution and its consequences have been a disaster for the human race. 1.1556 0.04717 90 79 8 3
3003 Actually we are all from Mars and there are no women. 1.1556 0.04717 90 79 8 3
3004 Thomas Wolfe writes such cute, little fairytales, don't you think?" 1.1556 0.04717 90 79 8 3
3005 And that's what happened to Mommy and Daddy. 1.1556 0.04154 90 77 12 1
3006 Yes, I will check your temperature where you think I will. 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
3007 I'm reading "How to Moonwalk" by Michael Jackson. 1.1556 0.04975 90 80 6 4
3008 My, what big eyes you have, Granny. 1.1556 0.04717 90 79 8 3
3009 No; I’m not trick-or treating 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
3010 One more, sweetie, and then it's up to the spaceship and off to Disneyworld. 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
3011 But I am only halfway through the book!" 1.1556 0.04717 90 79 8 3
3012 I find this all rather alienating. 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
3013 And the most important thing to remember from this manual, Johnny, is this… 1.1556 0.04154 90 77 12 1
3014 I see you’re a fan of something called science fiction. 1.1553 0.04083 103 89 12 2
3015 Which story do you want me to read to you? The one about the happy princess, or the one about how I wear your mother’s skin when I need to blend into society?” 1.1553 0.03843 103 88 14 1
3016 Then,E.T tried to call home,but his battery was dead. That is tonight 1.1553 0.03843 103 88 14 1
3017 This doesn’t sound like the “Goodnight Moon” book I knew as a child 1.1553 0.03843 103 88 14 1
3018 And all the humans were eaten… The end. 1.1553 0.04310 103 90 10 3
3019 It's the extra terrestrial version of "Goodnight Moon." 1.1553 0.04083 103 89 12 2
3020 Once upon a time, a boy just like yourself was abducted to a far faraway land. 1.1553 0.04083 103 89 12 2
3021 ' Says here you are subject to hallucinations! 1.1552 0.03591 116 99 16 1
3022 Once upon a time there was a little boy in a comfy bed… 1.1552 0.04347 116 103 8 5
3023 You know, I actually got my undergrad in bedtime simulations. 1.1548 0.04637 84 73 9 2
3024 Ha, the only saucers we have are under our tea cups. 1.1548 0.04316 84 72 11 1
3025 And so, the aliens ate all the children on Earth, and lived happily ever after. 1.1548 0.04316 84 72 11 1
3026 I guarantee that counting stars will send you fast asleep. 1.1548 0.04637 84 73 9 2
3027 Shall I read you "The Cow Jumped Over the Earth" one more time? 1.1548 0.03970 84 71 13 0
3028 And Ginny awakened to find she was the last human on the planet. 1.1548 0.04316 84 72 11 1
3029 Mom told me I was abducted. 1.1548 0.04637 84 73 9 2
3030 The good news is that you don’t have to live in this s*** hole anymore 1.1548 0.04637 84 73 9 2
3031 I’ve read this one to you before!! 1.1546 0.04232 97 84 11 2
3032 I don't think the old lady whispering hush is you, necessarily. 1.1546 0.03690 97 82 15 0
3033 You really believe this stuff? 1.1546 0.03690 97 82 15 0
3034 There is no Wizard. There were no witches. Yet everything you're thinking is true. 1.1546 0.04232 97 84 11 2
3035 What do you mean you don't believe in Santa Claus? 1.1546 0.03971 97 83 13 1
3036 Not to worry. It takes place in a land far, far away. 1.1546 0.04232 97 84 11 2
3037 Relax. Your dad comes back at the end. 1.1546 0.04232 97 84 11 2
3038 Long, long ago... 1.1546 0.03971 97 83 13 1
3039 You might like this next story better. It doesn’t involve probing. 1.1546 0.04479 97 85 9 3
3040 I’m just waiting for my spaceship. 1.1546 0.04232 97 84 11 2
3041 ... And in the end they spaced out. The end. 1.1546 0.04232 97 84 11 2
3042 ...and he said, 'I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll slide in this probe.' 1.1545 0.04122 110 96 11 3
3043 Of course I haven’t changed. I’m still your mother. 1.1545 0.03915 110 95 13 2
3044 Glow! Glow, fiery spheroid in the methane sky! We marvel yet doubt in your existence! 1.1545 0.03462 110 93 17 0
3045 Your mother is out of this world. 1.1545 0.03915 110 95 13 2
3046 Funny story, I once turned a quiet old lady who was whispering 'hush' into a bowl of mush. 1.1545 0.04122 110 96 11 3
3047 Oh no-It 1.1545 0.03915 110 95 13 2
3048 When the earth’s therapist won’t cut it anymore 1.1545 0.03915 110 95 13 2
3049 You only just started this one? Did you know Dumbledore dies? 1.1545 0.03915 110 95 13 2
3050 Today, all your sci-fi publications will become biographies. 1.1545 0.03272 123 104 19 0
3051 This next one is a recipe for making soup out of humans. 1.1538 0.03555 104 88 16 0
3052 Prepare to be whisked away. 1.1538 0.03809 104 89 14 1
3053 No, Timmy, you have your mother's genetic makeup, before the vivisection, of course. 1.1538 0.04046 104 90 12 2
3054 Yes, you make get the same side effects as me after taking those diet pills. 1.1538 0.04112 91 78 12 1
3055 It’s a book on how to serve human beings. 1.1538 0.04855 78 68 8 2
3056 And then the little girl's new mommy said, "Abduction, adoption--what 's the difference, really? 1.1538 0.04399 91 79 10 2
3057 Don't fall asleep....I'm almost at the part where the aliens smother the earthlings with pillows. 1.1538 0.04399 91 79 10 2
3058 And you’ll live happily ever after! 1.1538 0.04399 91 79 10 2
3059 I quite like this part--'I was no longer a master, but an animal among the animals, under the Martian heel.' 1.1538 0.04399 91 79 10 2
3060 And they monetized their Mars travel business by selling to Elon Musk, moved to Santa Fe, and lived happily ever after. 1.1538 0.04112 91 78 12 1
3061 I'll be going now. I've been banned for not existing. 1.1538 0.04498 78 67 10 1
3062 NORMALLY I DON'T READ PEOPLE TO SLEEP 1.1538 0.04046 104 90 12 2
3063 Aren’t you going to try to stall and ask me for one more story? 1.1538 0.04855 78 68 8 2
3064 Shame there was no other technology to destroy the ring. 1.1538 0.04498 78 67 10 1
3065 And you thought "Goodnight Moon" was out there! 1.1538 0.04399 91 79 10 2
3066 Relax - I'll skip the part about the probing. 1.1538 0.03555 104 88 16 0
3067 You really don’t want this story to end 1.1538 0.04484 104 92 8 4
3068 It looks like my earth bedroom, it feels like my earth bedroom, but story time just weirds me out now. 1.1538 0.04855 78 68 8 2
3069 Did you steal my kindle? 1.1538 0.04855 78 68 8 2
3070 Goodnight Moon. Goodnight aliens living in the moon. 1.1538 0.04112 91 78 12 1
3071 Darling - are you really my daughter? 1.1532 0.04087 111 97 11 3
3072 '...and they wept as they perished, for the fossil fuels they had burned had destroyed their only habitat. The end.' ... sleep tight, buddy. 1.1532 0.03665 111 95 15 1
3073 And the life forms on XRZ315 lived happily ever after” 1.1532 0.03665 111 95 15 1
3074 I know it sounds exciting. But trust me, 'Mars' ain't what it used to be. 1.1532 0.04283 111 98 9 4
3075 It's when human toes became a gourmet delicacy in Martian land! 1.1531 0.03933 98 84 13 1
3076 Before I read on, a question. Who's this worldwide James Webb fellow? 1.1531 0.04436 98 86 9 3
3077 It says here that I'm not an imaginary friend in childhood is common but might become a post-natal aberration after age six. You're seven. 1.1531 0.04667 98 87 7 4
3078 noom thgindoog 1.1531 0.04667 98 87 7 4
3079 The Day the Book Stood Still. 1.1531 0.04436 98 86 9 3
3080 Love you forever. 1.1531 0.03933 98 84 13 1
3081 Category 5 hurricane. We aren't leaving yet. 1.1531 0.04192 98 85 11 2
3082 Rest easy. We're not gonna do butt stuff this time. 1.1531 0.04436 98 86 9 3
3083 Di hano epe taka denne! 1.1531 0.03933 98 84 13 1
3084 *Your mom told me which books I could read to you before we traded places." 1.1529 0.05160 85 76 5 4
3085 You know, you can't judge a book by looking at its cover 1.1529 0.04585 85 74 9 2
3086 Sorry, I didn't bring any other books. The rest are 17 light years away. 1.1529 0.04269 85 73 11 1
3087 Try counting sheep. 1.1529 0.04585 85 74 9 2
3088 The dust bunnies under your bed triggered my allergies. 1.1529 0.05160 85 76 5 4
3089 … the first space ship was too fast, and the second one was too slow, but the third one was just … 1.1529 0.04585 85 74 9 2
3090 You’re out of toilet paper. 1.1529 0.04269 85 73 11 1
3091 I'm sorry, but last time an intelligent species failed like this we came late and had to settle for a cramped bungalow with serious structural damage. 1.1529 0.04585 85 74 9 2
3092 Goodnight moon, Goodnight advanced invasion force hiding behind the moon. 1.1528 0.05474 72 64 5 3
3093 And then they lived happily ever after- on another planet. 1.1524 0.03775 105 90 14 1
3094 What makes you ask if you were abducted? 1.1522 0.04620 92 81 8 3
3095 Your stories about us are so inaccurate. 1.1522 0.04070 92 79 12 1
3096 And then Spielberg came and spoiled the show! 1.1522 0.04620 92 81 8 3
3097 You know, you can do this. Earthlings used to read for themselves before students started complaining it was too hard. 1.1522 0.04354 92 80 10 2
3098 I was once abducted by aliens. 1.1522 0.04354 92 80 10 2
3099 Science fiction writers, I am sorry to say, really do not know anything. 1.1522 0.04354 92 80 10 2
3100 The End…of the world. 1.1522 0.04070 92 79 12 1
3101 Finally they anally probed, it didn’t mean anything and the ship took off. The End. 1.1522 0.04354 92 80 10 2
3102 Stephen Hawking? More like, "I lived it" 1.1522 0.04620 92 81 8 3
3103 Oh great, your up! 1.1519 0.04797 79 69 8 2
3104 Billy it's time we talk about the eggs pods and snorzleblats. 1.1519 0.04445 79 68 10 1
3105 …and that was closest encounter of them all. Good night, Barry. 1.1518 0.03406 112 95 17 0
3106 Was it as good for you as it was for me? 1.1518 0.04053 112 98 11 3
3107 What a good thing these stories aren’t real huh? 1.1518 0.04053 112 98 11 3
3108 ... And the aliens infiltrated Humanity and so the aliens lived happily ever after. 1.1515 0.03896 99 85 13 1
3109 You never go back to New Mexico, that is the end of the story. 1.1515 0.04393 99 87 9 3
3110 And now a lighter note as we move on to chapter 119, The Gravitas of Gravity. 1.1515 0.04393 99 87 9 3
3111 ...and we lived happily ever after on Earth. 1.1515 0.04152 99 86 11 2
3112 And they all lived happily ever after, on a Planet far far away 1.1515 0.03896 99 85 13 1
3113 Oh I get it. It's called Gravity's Rainbow because of the arc of a rocket. Okay, now it's all starting to make sense. 1.1515 0.04152 99 86 11 2
3114 And the earthlings lived happily ever after with the aliens as their new leaders. The End. 1.1515 0.03622 99 84 15 0
3115 Leave me alone...or not 1.1515 0.04393 99 87 9 3
3116 Once upon a time there were human's @newyorkercartoons 1.1515 0.04393 99 87 9 3
3117 Now you don't know what to do, stay awake or go to sleep! 1.1513 0.03893 119 104 12 3
3118 Are bed time stories not alien to you? 1.1513 0.04243 119 106 8 5
3119 But the third little ET built his ship out of titanium... 1.1513 0.04071 119 105 10 4
3120 Once upon a time, there were three little martians... 1.1512 0.04827 86 76 7 3
3121 Sleep well. We're taking a long trip tomorrow. 1.1512 0.04535 86 75 9 2
3122 You know that “happily ever after” is a myth, don’t you? 1.1512 0.04535 86 75 9 2
3123 Tawas the night before............ 1.1512 0.04535 86 75 9 2
3124 This bedtime story is out of this world 1.1512 0.04827 86 76 7 3
3125 They say a good story stays with you after it's over. 1.1512 0.04535 86 75 9 2
3126 So, the alien didn’t call home, but stayed to take over the world! 1.1512 0.04223 86 74 11 1
3127 And then everybody closed their eyes and never woke up. 1.1512 0.04223 86 74 11 1
3128 Trespassing the Human Mind. 1.1512 0.04827 86 76 7 3
3129 In reality, Grays have only one shade. 1.1512 0.04535 86 75 9 2
3130 Ephesians 6:12, isn't that a lovely story? 1.1512 0.04223 86 74 11 1
3131 Wait, what do you mean I’m adopted? 1.1512 0.04827 86 76 7 3
3132 Goodnight, forever. 1.1509 0.04404 106 94 8 4
3133 Goodnight Earth, Goodnight Climate, Goodnight sphere where we are now at. 1.1509 0.04195 106 93 10 3
3134 See? To Serve Man is more than just a cookbook. 1.1509 0.03494 106 90 16 0
3135 I thought even Earthlings has graduated from physical media 1.1509 0.03975 106 92 12 2
3136 Tonight, ""The Body Snatchers". 1.1505 0.04030 93 80 12 1
3137 Now, this next recipe calls for ground beef in the enchiladas, but I much prefer it with shredded chicken. 1.1505 0.04030 93 80 12 1
3138 }]A>F)O0O0p++*O.3e4^R0RGz3[[[. cL0__}}}F b&!||!!"#?n3. The end. 1.1505 0.04822 93 83 6 4
3139 So the frightened girl looked up at him and said "Klatu Barada Nicto". 1.1505 0.04573 93 82 8 3
3140 Trust me, you really don't want to know how it ends! 1.1505 0.04310 93 81 10 2
3141 I hardly think of myself a petite prince, but Antoine insisted it was a metaphor. 1.1505 0.04030 93 80 12 1
3142 Science fiction frightens me. 1.1505 0.04030 93 80 12 1
3143 But this time it was not a corn field but the desert of New Mexico 1.1505 0.04310 93 81 10 2
3144 I wish an alien would read me a bed time story 1.1505 0.04030 93 80 12 1
3145 and that is the story of how aliens took over the earth, goodnight now... 1.1504 0.03817 113 98 13 2
3146 *Guttural Noises* 1.1504 0.03817 113 98 13 2
3147 ...and they lived happily ever after, blissfully unaware of any alien presence. 1.1504 0.04019 113 99 11 3
3148 ….When the Alien came to the first little planet he said, “I’m going to huff and puff and blow your planet out if the sky….. 1.1504 0.04019 113 99 11 3
3149 It was dark and stormy in the Twilight Zone 1.1500 0.03860 100 86 13 1
3150 It has a happy ending. 1.1500 0.04740 80 70 8 2
3151 Nah, we do this whenever parents are abducted. I'll just read you one of my favorites from The Martian Chronicles, okay? 1.1500 0.04113 100 87 11 2
3152 Who farted?" 1.1500 0.04039 120 106 10 4
3153 Now here is the funny part. She wants to put them in the oven. 1.1500 0.05063 80 71 6 3
3154 OK. Just one more, but then it’s off to the probe for you. 1.1500 0.03860 100 86 13 1
3155 Once we're done with this story, you'll be coming with me. 1.1500 0.03589 100 85 15 0
3156 And they lived happily ever after, unlike you...Bedtime stories always make me peckish. 1.1500 0.04113 100 87 11 2
3157 Please tell me this is just a bad dream.” 1.1500 0.03860 100 86 13 1
3158 Your mommy asked me to read you a bedtime story tonight while she’s paying a short visit to the mothership. 1.1500 0.04740 80 70 8 2
3159 I came down to read you new book Good Night Earth. 1.1500 0.03860 100 86 13 1
3160 The story is over. Time to take off that human costume and sleep 1.1500 0.03862 120 105 12 3
3161 And that's how I met your mother. Sweet dreams little one. 1.1500 0.04394 80 69 10 1
3162 You do realize this science fiction is quite unbelievable? 1.1495 0.04365 107 95 8 4
3163 Once upon a UFO ... 1.1495 0.03940 107 93 12 2
3164 Honey, you never got scared before when I read War of the Worlds to you. Have you been listening to Mr. Musk again? 1.1495 0.04158 107 94 10 3
3165 …and a little old extraterrestrial whispering ‘Hush.’ 1.1494 0.04775 87 77 7 3
3166 Relax…it says that alien abduction only occurs when you’re asleep. 1.1494 0.04775 87 77 7 3
3167 ….and they moved to Mars and lived happily ever after! 1.1494 0.04178 87 75 11 1
3168 Goodnight Alien. Goodnight Alien. I’ll see you in my dreams. 1.1494 0.05047 87 78 5 4
3169 ...then we pulled all of the aggregate elements from the goodnight moon 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
3170 I can’t believe you like fairy tales. 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
3171 Mip gleablock plaknar ever after. 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
3172 You know sci-fi is a little overrated 1.1494 0.04775 87 77 7 3
3173 ...and Trump and Putin lived happily ever after, 'til the end of time. 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
3174 There's no need to be frightened, it's only a story. 1.1494 0.04178 87 75 11 1
3175 You'll love this one, it's out of this world. 1.1494 0.04178 87 75 11 1
3176 Here’s a nice story about a world where everyone’s always happy and no one’s ever depressed. 1.1494 0.03844 87 74 13 0
3177 We're probably about to the part where the heroes get assimilated. 1.1489 0.04267 94 82 10 2
3178 Can we be done now? I have had a long flight. 1.1489 0.04267 94 82 10 2
3179 And they realized they'd never lived at all. The end. 1.1489 0.04773 94 84 6 4
3180 Do you want me to read the scary part? 1.1489 0.04267 94 82 10 2
3181 Too much for a bedtime story? 1.1489 0.04267 94 82 10 2
3182 Once upon a time,we did not know of human existence. 1.1489 0.03990 94 81 12 1
3183 Goodnight moon, good nights stars, this old woman is about to fly to Mars” 1.1489 0.03990 94 81 12 1
3184 Once upon a time in a world called stress, there were two spacecraft. One using star-power; the other human angst. . . . 1.1489 0.04773 94 84 6 4
3185 …Good night, alien in the room. 1.1489 0.03990 94 81 12 1
3186 Don’t worry your parents will be back soon, they’re reprogramming won’t take long 1.1489 0.04527 94 83 8 3
3187 Yes, it IS a cookbook. What gave it away? 1.1486 0.04974 74 65 7 2
3188 Good Night Moon …. Ahh.. which kid gave you this one? 1.1486 0.04587 74 64 9 1
3189 Wow, Jamie, doesn’t living on a spaceship sound fun? 1.1485 0.03556 101 86 15 0
3190 Then Little Red Riding Hood said, "Grandma, what big zgzymgs you have!" 1.1485 0.03824 101 87 13 1
3191 Now, I'm not sure if you are going to fully understand this next story. 1.1485 0.03824 101 87 13 1
3192 And they all died happily there after. 1.1485 0.04075 101 88 11 2
3193 I'm reading from Rod Serling's 'To Serve Man' cookbook. 1.1485 0.04075 101 88 11 2
3194 The X-Files are a Hoax, much like Global Warming.... 1.1485 0.04311 101 89 9 3
3195 I also read to get away from human world 1.1485 0.03824 101 87 13 1
3196 It makes more sense in the original Klingon. 1.1481 0.04343 81 70 10 1
3197 Please close your eyes. I'm hungry. 1.1481 0.04343 81 70 10 1
3198 You’re too young for “Fifty shades of the Grays” 1.1481 0.04121 108 95 10 3
3199 Well yes I do have a foreign accent 1.1481 0.04685 81 71 8 2
3200 And then you got to see what we are really like... 1.1481 0.03678 108 93 14 1
3201 So E.T. lived happily ever after. 1.1481 0.04343 81 70 10 1
3202 Stop making that face,you look like an alien. 1.1481 0.04343 81 70 10 1
3203 And they lived happily ever after, on Alpha Centauri. 1.1481 0.05003 81 72 6 3
3204 OK, it’s times to go to sleep. We’ll have your Mommy and Daddy back in an eon. 1.1478 0.03953 115 101 11 3
3205 Let's discuss the abduction of Cinderella's mother, shall we? 1.1478 0.03755 115 100 13 2
3206 Normally I’d be standing over you, but I’m Quiet Quitting. 1.1478 0.03546 115 99 15 1
3207 Now isn't this better than phoning home??? 1.1477 0.03804 88 75 13 0
3208 So, do you come here often? 1.1477 0.04133 88 76 11 1
3209 We never use doorknobs, even when they're there. 1.1477 0.04133 88 76 11 1
3210 I'm just filling in while your parents are being abducted. 1.1477 0.03804 88 75 13 0
3211 Well I don't know about you, but I'm captivated. 1.1477 0.04723 88 78 7 3
3212 Goodnight lamp. Goodnight Altair-682. 1.1477 0.04438 88 77 9 2
3213 "After the procedure I always like to read a little poetry to lighten the mood. Where was I? Ah, 'never more, never more.'" 1.1477 0.04438 88 77 9 2
3214 Goodnight stars, goodnight Mars. 1.1477 0.04438 88 77 9 2
3215 So this is a ‘book!’ But it doesn’t do anything!!! 1.1477 0.04133 88 76 11 1
3216 We aliens have always existed. 1.1477 0.04723 88 78 7 3
3217 Listen, you're stuck with me now, so we might as well start bonding. 1.1474 0.03951 95 82 12 1
3218 And the prince and princess returned to their home planet and lived happily ever after “ 1.1474 0.04225 95 83 10 2
3219 I tell ya, this one gives me the hebee jebees 1.1474 0.03656 95 81 14 0
3220 Abducting imaginations has been better for our brand." 1.1474 0.03951 95 82 12 1
3221 Quick side note, then I'll get back to the story: I actually probed Dickens when I was first getting started. 1.1474 0.03951 95 82 12 1
3222 And then ET built a phone super fast because he’s really smart and prepared. 1.1474 0.04225 95 83 10 2
3223 Now I lay me down to shreak 1.1474 0.04225 95 83 10 2
3224 On our planet, each scary story has something to do with Trump's hair. 1.1474 0.04225 95 83 10 2
3225 Good night, sleep tight, and don't let the Martians bite. 1.1474 0.04482 95 84 8 3
3226 Sweety pie you can't apply quantum physics to this fairy tale." 1.1474 0.04225 95 83 10 2
3227 Once upon a time, your mother turned into an alien. 1.1474 0.03951 95 82 12 1
3228 And they all got swallowed up by a big black hole, the end. 1.1474 0.03951 95 82 12 1
3229 Sorry honey, but you ain’t heard nothing yet 1.1474 0.03951 95 82 12 1
3230 And E.T. ghosted Elliott. The End 1.1474 0.04225 95 83 10 2
3231 And after a stellar wedding they disappeared into infinity. 1.1471 0.04038 102 89 11 2
3232 To be continued . . .or will it? 1.1471 0.04271 102 90 9 3
3233 Don't you just love this story? It's out of this world! 1.1471 0.03790 102 88 13 1
3234 I hope you don't think this science fiction story is too farfetched! 1.1471 0.03790 102 88 13 1
3235 Watching the moons set, one after another, he took a deep swig of ammonia and smiled inwardly. 1.1471 0.04038 102 89 11 2
3236 And that my dear is how I met your father. 1.1471 0.03524 102 87 15 0
3237 In my species' version, the moon is vaporized. 1.1471 0.04038 102 89 11 2
3238 I'm sorry, sweetheart, but you may as well know now that not every story has a happy ending. 1.1471 0.04038 102 89 11 2
3239 ...and they probed happily ever after. 1.1468 0.03405 109 93 16 0
3240 Once upon a time... NOT! 1.1468 0.03872 109 95 12 2
3241 They used to say this was a fantastic planet. 1.1468 0.03872 109 95 12 2
3242 Why can’t you count sheep like the others? 1.1468 0.04086 109 96 10 3
3243 Tonight’s story is one of my favorites - The Boy Who Cried Wolf 1.1467 0.04530 75 65 9 1
3244 It's a – what do you humans call them? – recipe book. 1.1463 0.04631 82 72 8 2
3245 This has all the probing suggestions I’m looking for. 1.1463 0.04293 82 71 10 1
3246 And the creatures from outer space began their conquest of Earth...enough of this fiction. 1.1463 0.03773 123 108 12 3
3247 ...and the next morning, she awoke in her bed! The End. 1.1463 0.04631 82 72 8 2
3248 Did you remember to probe your anus before you went to bed? 1.1463 0.04631 82 72 8 2
3249 I know, The Three Bears can be scary 1.1463 0.04945 82 73 6 3
3250 Once memories of the abduction were erased, they lived happily ever after. 1.1463 0.04631 82 72 8 2
3251 Read you Science Fiction? What? When you're living it? 1.1461 0.04673 89 79 7 3
3252 The lighting's really just right in this room. 1.1461 0.04090 89 77 11 1
3253 Yes, Wendy, the boys all went to NeverNeverLand where we ate every one of them. 1.1461 0.04391 89 78 9 2
3254 Goodnight to the alien whispering “hush” 1.1461 0.04673 89 79 7 3
3255 Not a fan of poetry? Fine! Count some sheep you boring little zombie. 1.1461 0.04090 89 77 11 1
3256 I know... I went too far on the plastic surgery. 1.1461 0.04673 89 79 7 3
3257 And then ET disintegrated the FBI agents with his ray-gun. 1.1461 0.04090 89 77 11 1
3258 Goodnight cars, Goodnight stars, Goodnight Martians everywhere. 1.1461 0.03765 89 76 13 0
3259 This is the audiobook version you ordered." 1.1461 0.04391 89 78 9 2
3260 Goodnight Earthling. Goodnight Europa. Goodnight Earthling jumping over Europa. 1.1461 0.04090 89 77 11 1
3261 Chapter 7: From Betty & Barney Rubble to Betty & Barney Hill 1.1461 0.04391 89 78 9 2
3262 And then Zork read the earthling a bedtime story to relax her before the flight to his planet. 1.1458 0.03621 96 82 14 0
3263 Family Bedtime stories. 1.1458 0.03912 96 83 12 1
3264 Freak you out??? 1.1458 0.04437 96 85 8 3
3265 This one's called Bad Night Moon? 1.1458 0.04437 96 85 8 3
3266 Reader, I abducted him. 1.1458 0.04678 96 86 6 4
3267 Son you're abducted. 1.1458 0.03912 96 83 12 1
3268 You seem to space out whenever I read to you. 1.1458 0.04437 96 85 8 3
3269 After you get on board, it’s “Goodbye Moon” 1.1458 0.03912 96 83 12 1
3270 Don’t you like scary stories? 1.1458 0.03912 96 83 12 1
3271 Let me tell you a story about a galaxy far,far away 1.1458 0.03912 96 83 12 1
3272 ...and the aliens conquered the Earth, and they ate all the little children who didn't go to sleep on command! 1.1458 0.03912 96 83 12 1
3273 Women come from Venus, men come from Mars. Me? I come from the loony bin round the block. 1.1458 0.04907 96 87 4 5
3274 I was no longer a master, but an animal among the animals, under the Martian heel ... the fear and empire of man had passed away. 1.1458 0.04183 96 84 10 2
3275 You have to wonder why the dwarfs didn't just beam her out. 1.1458 0.03621 96 82 14 0
3276 This is the part that really cracks me up! 1.1458 0.04437 96 85 8 3
3277 Are you looking for a job? Here is a chance to be a nanny for alien to help adapting Mars life 1.1458 0.03912 96 83 12 1
3278 Mom’s new hobby of themed bedtime story dressing may be starting to go too far… 1.1458 0.04183 96 84 10 2
3279 Once upon a time there as a Martian who had total mind-control of Earthlings… 1.1456 0.04001 103 90 11 2
3280 Then after her bedtime story she was whisked away in the saucer to be probed and prodded for evermore. The End. 1.1456 0.04001 103 90 11 2
3281 What is she talking about? Too much bla bla bla... 1.1456 0.03755 103 89 13 1
3282 Goodnight asteroids, goodnight meteroites, goodnight rockets to Mars... 1.1456 0.03755 103 89 13 1
3283 Well, that’s the end. And I do mean, quite literally, The End. 1.1456 0.04451 103 92 7 4
3284 It’s ‘Kidnapped’ by Robert Louis Stevenson. 1.1456 0.04001 103 90 11 2
3285 Once upon a time, you know dear, before time... 1.1456 0.03493 103 88 15 0
3286 This is why Mom usually reads the story. 1.1456 0.04451 103 92 7 4
3287 Lsat night was "E.T." , and now we're reading "The War of the Worlds"! 1.1455 0.04252 110 98 8 4
3288 Then baby Gray said,'somebody's been sleeping in my bed and here she is!' 1.1447 0.05199 76 68 5 3
3289 ' And the alien and his hostage lived happily ever after. The End.' 1.1446 0.04578 83 73 8 2
3290 The Martian Chronicles” is my favorite bedtime book. 1.1446 0.04578 83 73 8 2
3291 Relax- it's just a cookbook. 1.1446 0.03884 83 71 12 0
3292 You’ll like this one. It’s called “How I Got Elected”, by Marjorie Taylor Greene. 1.1446 0.04245 83 72 10 1
3293 Stop repeating that I am not E.T. What do you think you'll look like when you are 40 ? 1.1446 0.04245 83 72 10 1
3294 The moral of the story? Let the Alien give you an anal probe and you won't get abducted! 1.1446 0.04578 83 73 8 2
3295 Abduct you?! What do you take me for? I'm just going to read you a few chapters of my memoir. 1.1446 0.03884 83 71 12 0
3296 'I see, they say aliens aren't real !' 1.1446 0.04245 83 72 10 1
3297 And the parents were so delicious they decided to wait until the child was big enough to feed the whole family. 1.1444 0.04048 90 78 11 1
3298 Now they call Area 51 “middle school” 1.1444 0.04345 90 79 9 2
3299 Oh, I so enjoy Science Fiction stories! 1.1444 0.04345 90 79 9 2
3300 Your right to a bedtime story is not inalienable. 1.1444 0.04345 90 79 9 2
3301 I was hoping for a close encounter. 1.1444 0.04345 90 79 9 2
3302 And the human child lived happily ever after working tirelessly in the Speculoos gas mines. 1.1444 0.04048 90 78 11 1
3303 Shall we read something realistic tonight? 1.1444 0.04048 90 78 11 1
3304 By the way, your therapist mentioned you missed your last appointment 1.1444 0.04048 90 78 11 1
3305 But grandma, what big eyes you have; All the better to see you with my dear… 1.1444 0.04048 90 78 11 1
3306 And you thought Soylent Green was fiction? 1.1444 0.04048 90 78 11 1
3307 ...and then he asked me would I say yes," and we can pick up Molly's inner thoughts tomorrow before bedtime provided the ship doesn't bring your parents back 1.1443 0.04394 97 86 8 3
3308 And that, Johnny, is how I blamed that space laser on the Rothschilds. 1.1443 0.04142 97 85 10 2
3309 And after the second huge meteor struck Earth... well, you can imagine the ending. 1.1443 0.04142 97 85 10 2
3310 This is my favorite part. 1.1443 0.03875 97 84 12 1
3311 Tonight we're reading, "Under the Bed and Out of the Sky: Stories of True Life Monsters." 1.1443 0.04142 97 85 10 2
3312 Almost finished. We have an asshole for a governor who banned "The Martian Chronicles" on our planet. 1.1443 0.04142 97 85 10 2
3313 Once upon time in the far, far distant future… 1.1443 0.04142 97 85 10 2
3314 It won’t be long, it’s a simple procedure your parents might even enjoy. Your dad, anyway. 1.1443 0.04394 97 86 8 3
3315 Actually, tonight, I'd prefer to probe deeper into the subtext if that's okay. 1.1443 0.04142 97 85 10 2
3316 In line with your customs, when should I sit on you? 1.1443 0.03875 97 84 12 1
3317 Funniest joke ever! “How to Serve Man.” It was a cookbook, get it? 1.1443 0.03875 97 84 12 1
3318 Kamala Harris Has A New Plan To Close The Rape Kit Backlog 1.1443 0.03875 97 84 12 1
3319 Don’t complain. In space I can’t put the book down. 1.1443 0.04142 97 85 10 2
3320 It’s subversive, really. 1.1443 0.03875 97 84 12 1
3321 ‘’ Relax, I graduated nursing school with honors” 1.1442 0.03462 104 89 15 0
3322 Scary story, scary event, or both 1.1442 0.04410 104 93 7 4
3323 I wanted to meet your leader not the wetter but here we are. 1.1442 0.03965 104 91 11 2
3324 I see that the appendix is located toward the rear." —Jon Alexandr, Pleasant Hill, CA 1.1442 0.03722 104 90 13 1
3325 What kind of mushroom soup did you say? 1.1442 0.03965 104 91 11 2
3326 You want me to read or what? 1.1442 0.03965 104 91 11 2
3327 I am your mom. You still have a fever. We are home on the planet Zog. 1.1442 0.04193 104 92 9 3
3328 And her mommy never returned from space. The End. 1.1442 0.03722 104 90 13 1
3329 Once upon a time in a galaxy dear to my heart… 1.1442 0.04193 104 92 9 3
3330 …And that’s the story of how the West was won. The End. 1.1441 0.04016 111 98 10 3
3331 After reading your diary, even I can understand why you’re not married! 1.1440 0.03886 125 111 10 4
3332 Of course monsters aren't real. It's just a story, honey. 1.1429 0.04156 105 93 9 3
3333 Really, Deb, ‘Fifty Shades of Grey?’ How very probing. 1.1429 0.04198 84 73 10 1
3334 THE END…of your planet.” 1.1429 0.04527 84 74 8 2
3335 This is over me. What’s an extraterrestrial life form? 1.1429 0.04156 105 93 9 3
3336 Where I'm from it's titled "Goodnight Phobos. Goodnight Deimos". 1.1429 0.04575 91 81 7 3
3337 ...Sally and the alien lived happily ever after on an asteroid headed towards Earth at 6,000 miles per second. 1.1429 0.04527 84 74 8 2
3338 I know you're worried about the leaves that have fallen on your rug, but I'll read you a Grimm's fairy tale to cheer you up. 1.1429 0.04300 91 80 9 2
3339 Don’t worry, your parents are having their annual checkup with us! 1.1429 0.04103 98 86 10 2
3340 The martians have landed!” cried Bobby. But it was only Kim Kardashian. 1.1429 0.04790 77 68 7 2
3341 And then the humans destroyed the only planet they had. 1.1429 0.04198 84 73 10 1
3342 Reading this is like transporting myself to a whole new world. 1.1429 0.04198 84 73 10 1
3343 It's about conquering other worlds. 1.1429 0.03689 105 91 13 1
3344 How do you blow a house down? 1.1429 0.04351 98 87 8 3
3345 Actually, Never Never Land was Alpha Ceti 3! 1.1429 0.03838 98 85 12 1
3346 Your scientist’s need for intergalactic exploration fails to take into account that… we’re already inside the house. 1.1429 0.04351 98 87 8 3
3347 …and they lived happily ever after under benign alien rule. 1.1429 0.03841 84 72 12 0
3348 One more book, but then I really need you to go to sleep. 1.1429 0.03838 98 85 12 1
3349 I heard you wish upon a spaceship for a hot babysitter. 1.1429 0.04527 84 74 8 2
3350 SORRY, LOVEMAKING IS NOT INCLUDED. 1.1429 0.04156 105 93 9 3
3351 The only thing I want to probe is your natural curiosity. 1.1429 0.04351 98 87 8 3
3352 Where I come from, all of this is real. 1.1429 0.04103 98 86 10 2
3353 Yes, honey, it does say that bedwetters often feel alienated. 1.1429 0.04419 77 67 9 1
3354 You asked about aliens ... well,here I am! 1.1429 0.04300 91 80 9 2
3355 Want me to read “Goodnight moon” again? 1.1429 0.04006 91 79 11 1
3356 No worries, Billy. The anal probe is not mandatory... 1.1429 0.03929 105 92 11 2
3357 Not even if you've been raped by a Martian 1.1429 0.04156 105 93 9 3
3358 Your parents don’t know the REAL story. 1.1429 0.04198 84 73 10 1
3359 This story is fiction so try to suspend disbelief. 1.1429 0.03841 84 72 12 0
3360 Hopefully this story won't give you nightmares. 1.1429 0.04006 91 79 11 1
3361 Why aren't you asleep yet? 1.1429 0.04198 84 73 10 1
3362 I love the part where the aliens vaporize the space colonists. 1.1429 0.04006 91 79 11 1
3363 Sweet dreams, Earthling! We leave for the moon in the morning. 1.1429 0.04300 91 80 9 2
3364 Let's read about the Alien in the room... 1.1429 0.04300 91 80 9 2
3365 I can’t wait for the chapter where the probing begins! 1.1429 0.03929 105 92 11 2
3366 I didn't know that you could read English 1.1429 0.04527 84 74 8 2
3367 Those tales of alien abductions aren't for bedtime reading, eh? 1.1429 0.04300 91 80 9 2
3368 These bedtime stories seem alien to me! 1.1429 0.04527 84 74 8 2
3369 Can't you get over this sci-fi thing? 1.1429 0.04833 84 75 6 3
3370 Well, your mother said she wanted to try something foreign. 1.1429 0.04300 91 80 9 2
3371 Goodnight, time to tuck and roll.” 1.1429 0.03929 105 92 11 2
3372 So there's this man called Aesop 1.1429 0.04300 91 80 9 2
3373 Read me a ghost story. 1.1429 0.04351 98 87 8 3
3374 These lunchroom politics are salacious! Jeremy should have never sat with that monster Becca! 1.1429 0.04103 98 86 10 2
3375 No,no,no,honey. Your parents were put in formaldehyde,not disintegrated. 1.1429 0.04006 91 79 11 1
3376 you know this is cultural appropriation, right? 1.1429 0.04587 98 88 6 4
3377 I must have dozed off while reading again… 1.1429 0.03838 98 85 12 1
3378 Is it a myth? 1.1429 0.05135 77 69 5 3
3379 And they lived happily ever after, which is more than i can say for your sorry little planet . 1.1429 0.04833 84 75 6 3
3380 …and then the human race was extinguished without any warning, the end. Good night! 1.1415 0.03656 106 92 13 1
3381 You're already asleep, but I'll read for you anyway. 1.1415 0.03894 106 93 11 2
3382 My people read out loud all night long. 1.1415 0.03656 106 92 13 1
3383 Please shut the curtains. I heard there was an alien spaceship sighting. 1.1415 0.03894 106 93 11 2
3384 And that's how baby's are made. 1.1414 0.04310 99 88 8 3
3385 Sorry Jane....was that story too scary! 1.1414 0.04064 99 87 10 2
3386 And he got an anal probe and lived happily ever after. 1.1414 0.04064 99 87 10 2
3387 Trick or Read! 1.1414 0.03520 99 85 14 0
3388 Very good bedtime story, yes no? 1.1414 0.03801 99 86 12 1
3389 So, you don’t believe that your parents hired me for babysitting after I responded to their Facebook ad? 1.1414 0.03801 99 86 12 1
3390 When will your parents be home? 1.1413 0.04528 92 82 7 3
3391 ...and he huffed and he puffed and he blew the planet to smithereens. 1.1413 0.04784 92 83 5 4
3392 I think I can. I think I can. I think I can. 1.1413 0.04256 92 81 9 2
3393 I can clothe my nudity or close the blinds, but I can't regrow my hair. As your only husband, I'm sorry! 1.1413 0.04256 92 81 9 2
3394 Just out of curiosity---exactly where do you thing The Big Bad Wolf lives? 1.1413 0.03965 92 80 11 1
3395 After the experiments they all lived happily ever after 1.1413 0.04528 92 82 7 3
3396 In the end, the autocratic aliens took away all freedoms and liberties from the enslaved human race, but at least they never ate people. And so, they all lived happily ever after. 1.1413 0.03965 92 80 11 1
3397 And they lived happily ever after. The end." The wind blew through the quiet room. "Nice breeze," said the alien a while later. The boy nodded. "Look, I didn't mean to do that to your parents. They snuck up on me. I'm sorry." The boy didn't reply 1.1413 0.03965 92 80 11 1
3398 You want to know about alienation? Here's a little story by Albert Camus 1.1413 0.03965 92 80 11 1
3399 A selfie with E.T.? No, I'm sorry. He's been dead for five years. 1.1413 0.04256 92 81 9 2
3400 Then the alien ate the little child, the end . 1.1412 0.04476 85 75 8 2
3401 I forgot my probe ! 1.1412 0.04152 85 74 10 1
3402 And then, ~#~ told her what she had always wanted ~#~ to say: ~~~#~~###~~#~~~#. 1.1412 0.04779 85 76 6 3
3403 And that's the end ... of all humanity. 1.1412 0.04476 85 75 8 2
3404 I promise, this is the only boring part. 1.1412 0.04476 85 75 8 2
3405 ... and that is why we do the anal probes. 1.1412 0.04152 85 74 10 1
3406 And to think that “20,000 Light-Years into the Universe” used to be sci-fi. 1.1412 0.04476 85 75 8 2
3407 ' ... and after all that, he was elected President ... " 1.1412 0.04152 85 74 10 1
3408 Tonight I'll read you a true story that my parents read to me. It begins, “Once upon a time, long, long ago, in a galaxy far, far away…” 1.1412 0.04476 85 75 8 2
3409 So NOW will you let me probe you? 1.1412 0.04476 85 75 8 2
3410 This isn't an abduction. But I am here to ask if you'd be interested in term life insurance? 1.1410 0.04732 78 69 7 2
3411 Surprisingly, we haven't even reached the climax. 1.1410 0.04732 78 69 7 2
3412 Just close your eyes, Susan. I want you to visualize how cool I look behind the steering wheel of my fancy space machine. 1.1410 0.04366 78 68 9 1
3413 How about’Invasion of the Body Snatchers’? 1.1402 0.04082 107 95 9 3
3414 Now let's read The Quarky Hypothetically Wacky Adventures of Z*&%#@. 1.1402 0.03624 107 93 13 1
3415 And that’s the ‘real’ truth about how babies are born. 1.1402 0.04082 107 95 9 3
3416 And they all lived happily on our spaceship forever. 1.1400 0.03766 100 87 12 1
3417 What's a red balloon? 1.1400 0.04269 100 89 8 3
3418 I'm friends with the Monster that under my bed 1.1400 0.04025 100 88 10 2
3419 Wow, if this is really what you humans swear the truth on, how did you even last THIS long?” 1.1400 0.04025 100 88 10 2
3420 And they lived happily ever after ETcetera, ETcetera, ETcetera 1.1398 0.04213 93 82 9 2
3421 And they lived floobelty ever after! 1.1398 0.04213 93 82 9 2
3422 Please keep it straight, I read. Monsters stay under the bed. 1.1398 0.03925 93 81 11 1
3423 Shall I read the part about where the evicted humans go to live? 1.1398 0.04481 93 83 7 3
3424 …And they beamed up to the Mothership and lived happily ever after. 1.1398 0.03925 93 81 11 1
3425 Don't you worry about the monsters under your bed. This Stephen King story will scare them away. 1.1398 0.03925 93 81 11 1
3426 And that was when I ate the Tooth Fairy. The End. How's your Mouth? 1.1398 0.04213 93 82 9 2
3427 A happy ending? Are you sure you don't want The Heat Death of the Universe again? 1.1398 0.04213 93 82 9 2
3428 Am I supposed to believe this? 1.1397 0.03329 136 119 15 2
3429 Are u-fo real? 1.1395 0.04427 86 76 8 2
3430 And so the three little pigs lived happily ever after while the wolf was abducted by the Vlhrgs and voluntarily submitted to an anal probe for the betterment of mutual understanding. 1.1395 0.04427 86 76 8 2
3431 And the evil overlords ate all the children and lived happily ever after. 1.1395 0.04106 86 75 10 1
3432 Your mother told me that this story alway used to put you to sleep. 1.1395 0.04106 86 75 10 1
3433 Now it's time for Night Terror Tales. 1.1395 0.03758 86 74 12 0
3434 Goodnight orbs; Goodnight mood; Goodnight princess, you are food 1.1395 0.04106 86 75 10 1
3435 Are you feeling sleepy yet? 1.1395 0.04726 86 77 6 3
3436 And they all went back to Mars and lived happily ever after. 1.1395 0.04106 86 75 10 1
3437 My sleep paralysis demon reading me a bedtime story 1.1395 0.04726 86 77 6 3
3438 Once upon a time there was an abduction. 1.1395 0.04106 86 75 10 1
3439 Hansel and Gretel found themselves in a spacecraft to undergo some routine tests. 1.1395 0.04106 86 75 10 1
3440 And that's the story of your abduct...I mean adoption. 1.1395 0.04106 86 75 10 1
3441 ...then the hundreds of alien larvae tore out of the little girl's stomach and they all lived happily ever after. 1.1395 0.03758 86 74 12 0
3442 Just needed a break from Elon, hunny 1.1395 0.03758 86 74 12 0
3443 Well … the reason there’s no pictures of you in our photo album is because you were abducted. 1.1395 0.03772 129 115 10 4
3444 Yknow, I know women and men from both Mars and Venus 1.1395 0.05007 86 78 4 4
3445 It’s out of my world. 1.1392 0.05010 79 71 5 3
3446 Oh, really? On our planet, we always achieve orgasm by reading H.P Lovecraft. 1.1392 0.04314 79 69 9 1
3447 The first planet was too hot. The second planet was too toxic. But the third planet from the sun was just right… 1.1392 0.04314 79 69 9 1
3448 ...proving that there are no extra-terrestials, only essential-terrestials. 1.1389 0.03593 108 94 13 1
3449 I know your favorite martian! 1.1386 0.03731 101 88 12 1
3450 And the Earthlings lived happily ever after under the kind but firm rule of their alien overlords. 1.1386 0.03731 101 88 12 1
3451 Abducting & probing is out of fashion... now we're lurking & titillating. 1.1386 0.03988 101 89 10 2
3452 ...and the Immigrant aliens were flown to earth from the planet of Texas and the Earthlings lived happily ever after. 1.1386 0.03988 101 89 10 2
3453 E.T... go home! 1.1386 0.04229 101 90 8 3
3454 I really have to get the calm app 1.1386 0.03455 101 87 14 0
3455 Chapter 26. 'It was the best of probes, it was the worst of probes.' Shall I continue? 1.1385 0.05315 65 58 5 2
3456 And they lived happily ever after in the methane ice caverns of Belux IV. 1.1383 0.04436 94 84 7 3
3457 The book states that the aliens will lose the battle but I'm the living evidence of the contrary 1.1383 0.03580 94 81 13 0
3458 The probing was done, Mommy was brought back down, then, 9 months later you were born. The End 1.1383 0.03886 94 82 11 1
3459 Oh, you are going to love this next position … it is called The Black Hole. 1.1383 0.03580 94 81 13 0
3460 We are happy to help heal you here before you come infect us on Mars 1.1383 0.03886 94 82 11 1
3461 ...and the Earth People decided they loved being green like their rulers. 1.1383 0.04170 94 83 9 2
3462 Mind if I read the rest of this here? The light from our swamp gas blew a fuse last night. 1.1383 0.04170 94 83 9 2
3463 Then the prince kissed Sleeping Beauty, she awoke, they moved to Alpha Centauri, and they lived happily ever after. 1.1383 0.03886 94 82 11 1
3464 Why ETs don’t make great babysitters. 1.1383 0.04436 94 84 7 3
3465 You aren't tired of 'War of the Worlds' are you? 1.1383 0.03886 94 82 11 1
3466 And that's how I climbed the wall 1.1383 0.03580 94 81 13 0
3467 My favorite--As I Lay Dying. 1.1379 0.04674 87 78 6 3
3468 Would you like to take a short survey on your radiation exposure or shall we probe you for information? 1.1379 0.04379 87 77 8 2
3469 I aspire to so much more than a Close Encounter of the Third Kind. 1.1379 0.04062 87 76 10 1
3470 But you know that science fiction stories are so last year! 1.1379 0.04379 87 77 8 2
3471 ...and the Martians lived happily ever after. 1.1379 0.04379 87 77 8 2
3472 ..and the boogeyman lived happily ever after. 1.1379 0.04062 87 76 10 1
3473 That proves we faked your moon landing on a soundstage in VegaPrime7 1.1379 0.04062 87 76 10 1
3474 Yes, a lot of people find immigration stories frightening. 1.1379 0.03718 87 75 12 0
3475 I find “The Interstellar Kama Sutra” a great bedtime read. 1.1379 0.04062 87 76 10 1
3476 ?rettam eht s’tahW 1.1379 0.04379 87 77 8 2
3477 Mom, you do look ridiculous in that Halloween costume. 1.1379 0.04062 87 76 10 1
3478 Halloween is never over on my side of the family 1.1379 0.04379 87 77 8 2
3479 No, this is not a science fiction book. 1.1379 0.04379 87 77 8 2
3480 I know a cookbook might seem like an odd choice, but “To Serve Man” has always been one of my favorites. 1.1379 0.04379 87 77 8 2
3481 Oh! Sorry dear. I was reading it telepathically and thought you could hear me 1.1379 0.04062 87 76 10 1
3482 You don’t seem to be enjoying the fairy tale I’m reading to you 1.1379 0.04062 87 76 10 1
3483 You laughed when the Wazowski guy did it 1.1379 0.04062 87 76 10 1
3484 I always lose myself in a good fiction 1.1376 0.04011 109 97 9 3
3485 I told you we have to finish the W-Files first. 1.1376 0.03793 109 96 11 2
3486 Try to learn our language. Its your path of least resistance. 1.1375 0.04263 80 70 9 1
3487 Are ALL your bedtime stories about murder and cannibalism? 1.1375 0.04620 80 71 7 2
3488 Tonight's story is 'Goodnight Officer Ripley.' 1.1375 0.04263 80 70 9 1
3489 You look like your mother. 1.1375 0.03875 80 69 11 0
3490 Chapter two, the 1.1375 0.03875 80 69 11 0
3491 Would you like Uncle ET to read you the story about Little Red Riding Hood and her grandma who could shape shift into a wolf 1.1375 0.04263 80 70 9 1
3492 Science fiction really is an underrated genre 1.1375 0.04620 80 71 7 2
3493 Open borders are almost as good as open windows. 1.1375 0.04620 80 71 7 2
3494 Once upon a time, in a place far, far away..... 1.1373 0.04189 102 91 8 3
3495 Fine, Zordo, you can wear your Halloween costume to bed just this once. 1.1373 0.03697 102 89 12 1
3496 Mommy beam back soon. 1.1373 0.03697 102 89 12 1
3497 I’m going to tell you a story that’s out of this world. 1.1370 0.04902 73 65 6 2
3498 . . . And then the children removed her liver, pancreas, and small intestines. All in all, it was the most memorable holiday any of the children could remember. 1.1370 0.04902 73 65 6 2
3499 I don't understand - why don't the eagles just carry them to Mordor?! 1.1370 0.04497 73 64 8 1
3500 Yes Maggie, it’s weird and disturbing for me too. But we made a deal: You let me hide out here and I read to you every night. 1.1368 0.03848 95 83 11 1
3501 This part is really scary 1.1368 0.04129 95 84 9 2
3502 Pre o lie voust da bwenk flamnoo! 1.1368 0.04639 95 86 5 4
3503 And then they inserted the anal probe. 1.1368 0.04129 95 84 9 2
3504 You ship them? Space-ship, you mean? 1.1368 0.04391 95 85 7 3
3505 and now we say "goodnight moon" 1.1368 0.04129 95 84 9 2
3506 I think it's just a car alarm 1.1368 0.03545 95 82 13 0
3507 Once upon a time, on a rogue planet called earth... 1.1368 0.04129 95 84 9 2
3508 Now, Gladys, do you remember those three words I asked you to remember? 1.1368 0.03848 95 83 11 1
3509 You won't believe how this one ends. 1.1368 0.03545 95 82 13 0
3510 No, sweet heart, I'm sorry, you can't keep your scary mask on for the night. 1.1368 0.03848 95 83 11 1
3511 A bright light came from the window, and then the magic happened. 1.1364 0.04623 88 79 6 3
3512 No worries, we'll get through this together. 1.1364 0.04331 88 78 8 2
3513 You forgot to do your homework? Tell your teacher your alienated alien ate it. 1.1364 0.04331 88 78 8 2
3514 Look, I can abduct you now or after this bedtime story. 1.1364 0.04623 88 79 6 3
3515 Now, this part of the story strains credulity but bear with it. 1.1364 0.03679 88 76 12 0
3516 Don’t worry. I can read. 1.1364 0.04331 88 78 8 2
3517 And the aliens lived happily ever after. All the humans died. 1.1364 0.04019 88 77 10 1
3518 Looks like this one is going to end right where it started: A hot, wet jungle with very few humans. 1.1364 0.04019 88 77 10 1
3519 This next part is totally out of this world. 1.1364 0.04331 88 78 8 2
3520 You said you wanted a kinky bedtime story. 1.1364 0.04623 88 79 6 3
3521 Then everyone submitted to the alien overlords and lived happily ever after. 1.1364 0.04019 88 77 10 1
3522 Didn’t your mother ever tell you about the facts of life? 1.1364 0.04019 88 77 10 1
3523 ...And the aliens took over the earth and everyone lived happily ever after.” 1.1364 0.03760 110 97 11 2
3524 Your mother and I are preparing you for Halloween. This is step one. 1.1364 0.04019 88 77 10 1
3525 Sorry Bobby but I have to phone home! 1.1359 0.03663 103 90 12 1
3526 ...and then the satellite landed to pick up the earthlings. 1.1359 0.03914 103 91 10 2
3527 On my planet, we say 'Goodnight Moons.' 1.1359 0.04150 103 92 8 3
3528 Goodnight, my child. 1.1359 0.04150 103 92 8 3
3529 No you weren’t adopted; you were, umm! Uplifted. 1.1359 0.03914 103 91 10 2
3530 Look, if you want fantasy, I’ll leave and let your mother read you a book. 1.1359 0.03914 103 91 10 2
3531 Listen kid, the cows calmed down in one minute and 59 seconds. You should be asleep by now 1.1359 0.03914 103 91 10 2
3532 Oh, and I also wrote this third one, Leviticus! 1.1358 0.03830 81 70 11 0
3533 Once Upon a Time - Space Continuum... 1.1358 0.04892 81 73 5 3
3534 Surely you didn't believe that story about Aliens being only immigrants from other countries, did you? 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
3535 And that's how our parents met,and where you got your beautiful eyes. 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
3536 Once upon a time, I was you 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
3537 I get that you want to know your history “Chapter one: Call me Ishmael” 1.1358 0.03830 81 70 11 0
3538 This will keep your mind off the butt probe. 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
3539 And the earth people lived happily ever after, loyally serving their Martian saviors. 1.1354 0.03511 96 83 13 0
3540 No, honey, I am not a bed bug. 1.1354 0.04348 96 86 7 3
3541 And humans, consumed by their own psychoses, vanished from the planet. Sleep tight! 1.1354 0.04348 96 86 7 3
3542 I told my daughter this place would drive me crazy, I can read the book myself! 1.1354 0.03511 96 83 13 0
3543 Let's read a sweet little bedtime story called E.T. 1.1354 0.04348 96 86 7 3
3544 I'm the new 2023 version of Paperwhite that you ordered. 1.1354 0.04088 96 85 9 2
3545 Whitley Strieber? Whitley Strieber is a fiction created by alarmists to spread hate. 1.1354 0.03810 96 84 11 1
3546 If you’re not in the mood for a close encounter, I’ll just read my book. 1.1354 0.03511 96 83 13 0
3547 ...and THAT is how your species died! 1.1354 0.04088 96 85 9 2
3548 Before we get started, I want to let you know that I don't believe in Aliens. 1.1351 0.03502 111 97 13 1
3549 I'm going to read you a story that I'm pretty sure you haven't heard before. Brace yourself. 1.1351 0.03502 111 97 13 1
3550 It’s a very calming story about an abduction. 1.1351 0.04440 74 65 8 1
3551 Then, after extracting their genetic code, they hopped back in their ship and headed back to Zerg, leaving behind an entire civilization in waste and ruin. The End. 1.1348 0.04285 89 79 8 2
3552 So, the Papa Bear said, 'Who's been probing in my bed?' 1.1348 0.04285 89 79 8 2
3553 I accidentally left my Kindle in Alpha Centauri. 1.1348 0.03976 89 78 10 1
3554 I’m just browsing. 1.1348 0.03976 89 78 10 1
3555 which is "wierder"--the story or the teller? 1.1348 0.03641 89 77 12 0
3556 This book is my favorite: it is by a ghostwriter 1.1348 0.04573 89 80 6 3
3557 Take me to your antique book dealer. 1.1348 0.03976 89 78 10 1
3558 The "probe" paragraph of 'Goodnight, Alien' was bit disturbing. 1.1348 0.03641 89 77 12 0
3559 ...and they were examined in ways you can't imagine ever after, the end. 1.1348 0.03976 89 78 10 1
3560 Did I say NEVER After? Of course, my dear, I meant EVER. 1.1348 0.03976 89 78 10 1
3561 And ‘poof!’ Mommy and daddy were vaporized. 1.1348 0.03641 89 77 12 0
3562 Remember tonight and you could be the next Stephen King. 1.1348 0.03641 89 77 12 0
3563 I decided to come out of the closet. 1.1348 0.03641 89 77 12 0
3564 It loses something in the Martian to English translation. 1.1348 0.03976 89 78 10 1
3565 …and they fell happily ever after into a black hole. 1.1348 0.04285 89 79 8 2
3566 Under the skin? Classic. I was in a theatre where a guy got up, said “this movie is shit!” And then he walked out 1.1348 0.03641 89 77 12 0
3567 I can't tell you the secrets of space travel because you're not fluent? In my world, after four years of a language you can translate this textbook. 1.1348 0.04285 89 79 8 2
3568 And that’s where martians come from. Good night. 1.1348 0.03976 89 78 10 1
3569 ...and they didn't want to be taken to the planet's leader because he was an inconsiderate oaf. 1.1346 0.03630 104 91 12 1
3570 Once upon a time in a distance world.. filled with petty people believing in gods 1.1346 0.03630 104 91 12 1
3571 They just don't have good science fiction, bedtime stories in my galaxy. 1.1346 0.03630 104 91 12 1
3572 I have found reading someone’s diary is a much less messy way of probing them. 1.1341 0.04165 82 72 9 1
3573 And, just like that, Dorothy was on Mars 1.1341 0.04165 82 72 9 1
3574 Once upon a time, some earthlings visited Mars. 1.1341 0.03787 82 71 11 0
3575 Okay, one more story but if that doesn't work, we will do it my way. 1.1341 0.03787 82 71 11 0
3576 I think I'm hallucinating. 1.1341 0.04165 82 72 9 1
3577 My mommy always read this one to help me fall asleep. 1.1341 0.04165 82 72 9 1
3578 Don't mind me, I'm just reading a history of UFO sightings 1.1341 0.04512 82 73 7 2
3579 Classic blunder. She should have waited until Hansel and Gretel were asleep. 1.1341 0.04165 82 72 9 1
3580 It's just a story. Tomorrow you'll wake up be everything will be back to normal. 1.1340 0.03773 97 85 11 1
3581 How to Serve Mankind” is a cookbook. The end 1.1340 0.03773 97 85 11 1
3582 And, all of humanity perished. Good night! 1.1340 0.04048 97 86 9 2
3583 This little probe went to the market. 1.1340 0.03773 97 85 11 1
3584 My friends left me again. I'll stay here until they get back. 1.1340 0.04048 97 86 9 2
3585 No question, this turndown service is out of this world! 1.1340 0.03477 97 84 13 0
3586 There once was a young boy, who took me to his leader… 1.1333 0.04240 90 80 8 2
3587 Then Victor Frankenstein says, 'Vsssseerzzt-ukk.' 1.1333 0.04240 90 80 8 2
3588 Alien stories give me nightmares! 1.1333 0.04240 90 80 8 2
3589 One reviewer said it's 'filled with intelligent life' so, you know... 1.1333 0.04525 90 81 6 3
3590 …And then Jesus returned to the Mothership and was like “Hah! They totally bought it!” 1.1333 0.03935 90 79 10 1
3591 %^*[<÷@#"s^%!+Z*) 1.1333 0.04525 90 81 6 3
3592 And so the unorthodox scientific explanation lived happily ever after. 1.1333 0.03935 90 79 10 1
3593 Maybe I should quit melatonin products and start over with weed 1.1333 0.03333 105 91 14 0
3594 And away they flew, happily ever after. 1.1333 0.03935 90 79 10 1
3595 There now, isn’t this a lot more comfortable than just being abducted to the mothership? 1.1333 0.03603 90 78 12 0
3596 I already checked, there aren't any Martians under your bed. 1.1333 0.04384 75 66 8 1
3597 ...and all the aliens lived happily ever after. 1.1333 0.04777 75 67 6 2
3598 In bed with a ghoul. 1.1333 0.03603 90 78 12 0
3599 Its called Closer Encounter of the Third Kind. 1.1333 0.04240 90 80 8 2
3600 You'll be asleep when we eject your parents from the observation sphere. But Make-Your-Own-Pizza Night was fun, right? 1.1333 0.03603 90 78 12 0
3601 and THEN the immigrant said he wanted ASYLUM!" 1.1333 0.03935 90 79 10 1
3602 Do you think you could abduct me instead this time? 1.1333 0.03603 90 78 12 0
3603 And the Spacemen lived happily ever after, under the bed. 1.1333 0.03603 90 78 12 0
3604 I'm reading a nighttime bed story so you can get up in the morning!! 1.1333 0.04075 105 94 8 3
3605 What do you mean? Martian-mellows aren't even a real thing. 1.1333 0.03935 90 79 10 1
3606 Just avoid new york city bagels and you'll be just right 1.1333 0.04240 90 80 8 2
3607 And that's what happened to the boy who cried wolf. 1.1333 0.03292 135 119 14 2
3608 first time for everything 1.1333 0.04240 90 80 8 2
3609 Who wrote this thing? It’s not ‘far, far away’. It’s literally around the interstellar corner. 1.1327 0.03666 113 100 11 2
3610 And they all were abducted. 1.1327 0.03444 113 99 13 1
3611 For Contest #821: He says he wants to be a ribald eagle. 1.1327 0.04263 98 88 7 3
3612 And that's what is meant by "probing questions ". 1.1327 0.03737 98 86 11 1
3613 Martian night time book, that will only keep you awake! 1.1327 0.03737 98 86 11 1
3614 Do you want to hear the one about the three little pigs? 1.1327 0.03737 98 86 11 1
3615 Once upon a time in a galaxy far, far away... 1.1325 0.04461 83 74 7 2
3616 Well, actually, no, the Death Star doesn't twinkle. 1.1325 0.05077 83 76 3 4
3617 I’ve been looking forward to this since the day you were synthesized. 1.1325 0.04118 83 73 9 1
3618 And they all got probed and vaporized ever after. THE END. Okay, sleep tight. 1.1325 0.04118 83 73 9 1
3619 ‘E.T. phone home.’ One of the finest lines in all of English literature. 1.1325 0.04118 83 73 9 1
3620 I'm the old lady whispering hush. So say good night and go to sleep! 1.1325 0.04461 83 74 7 2
3621 like i keep saying, son, the zipper is stuck. i went to work like this. now do you want me to read another chapter of don delillo's 'underworld' or not? 1.1325 0.04461 83 74 7 2
3622 Goodnight stars; Goodnight air; Goodnight noises everywhere...sweet dreams 1.1325 0.03744 83 72 11 0
3623 Don't worry: Abducting children is wrong in Kepler-22b, too. 1.1325 0.04118 83 73 9 1
3624 We are, but Santa Claus? No he's not real. 1.1325 0.03744 83 72 11 0
3625 If you find this scarey, watch the news 1.1325 0.04118 83 73 9 1
3626 «It's a bit of an alien literature.» 1.1325 0.04118 83 73 9 1
3627 Does mom know you’re reading all this sci fi stuff? 1.1325 0.04118 83 73 9 1
3628 I love 50 Shades of Grey. 1.1325 0.04118 83 73 9 1
3629 And the alien was really really cool and all the kids wanted to play racquetball with him 1.1325 0.04118 83 73 9 1
3630 No, honey, you're not adopted. Now let's just read a little more Robert Louis Stevenson. 1.1321 0.03566 106 93 12 1
3631 And the Red Planet held dominion over all 1.1319 0.03566 91 79 12 0
3632 If you're scared, I can read something else. 1.1319 0.04196 91 81 8 2
3633 Can you read one where the humans survive? 1.1319 0.04196 91 81 8 2
3634 And it ends up you were my mother in a past lifetime, and I was your pet dog, how about that? The End! 1.1319 0.03894 91 80 10 1
3635 …and then their bodies were put back together, returned to Earth, and they lived happily ever after. 1.1319 0.03566 91 79 12 0
3636 Dont worry kiddo you are gonna sleep tight... I will read you the best bed time story of my planet 1.1319 0.03566 91 79 12 0
3637 I almost forgot. My parents said, "Gut yontif". 1.1319 0.03894 91 80 10 1
3638 Once upon a time--before you were abducted from earth... 1.1319 0.03566 91 79 12 0
3639 OK young lady,one more book then off to sleep. You have an early anal probe in the morning. 1.1319 0.03566 91 79 12 0
3640 I’ll skip the part where the lady gets abducted. 1.1319 0.03566 91 79 12 0
3641 We devour books differently, and it's my dinnertime. 1.1319 0.03894 91 80 10 1
3642 As long as you're on my planet it'll be sci-fi before bed. 1.1319 0.03566 91 79 12 0
3643 Take your pick. Either I read to you or I turn on the hair removal beam. 1.1316 0.04717 76 68 6 2
3644 This is not one of those cheesy stories like the princess bride, this is hardcore action. 1.1316 0.04717 76 68 6 2
3645 And then they killed Old Yeller. 1.1316 0.03415 114 100 13 1
3646 Tell all the truth, Emily, but tell it slant. 1.1316 0.04717 76 68 6 2
3647 Where I come from these tales are classified as non-fiction. 1.1316 0.04717 76 68 6 2
3648 Oh dear, we were told reading a story at bedtime would put the child to sleep. 1.1316 0.04329 76 67 8 1
3649 ... and that's the end. 1.1313 0.03702 99 87 11 1
3650 Star light Star bright First star I see tonight! 1.1313 0.03970 99 88 9 2
3651 Still awake? 1.1313 0.04222 99 89 7 3
3652 And they all moved to Mars and lived happily ever after. 1.1313 0.03970 99 88 9 2
3653 …because your last nanny was an illegal alien… 1.1313 0.03702 99 87 11 1
3654 And that is why aliens have bald heads! 1.1313 0.03970 99 88 9 2
3655 You’re right. Serling’s ‘To Serve Man’ is probably our favorite too. 1.1313 0.03702 99 87 11 1
3656 And then Goldilocks ran from the three aliens, but in the end, the only thing worth running from were her taxes. 1.1313 0.03970 99 88 9 2
3657 It's your bed time, no scary stories tonight. 1.1313 0.03970 99 88 9 2
3658 …and when you wake up in the morning you’ll be gone. 1.1310 0.04072 84 74 9 1
3659 Goodnight Mars, goodnight cow jumping over the stars... 1.1310 0.04072 84 74 9 1
3660 Sweet dreams, you are not alone. 1.1310 0.04072 84 74 9 1
3661 ... then the baby popped out of his chest and they all lived happily ever after. Except Prince Charming, of course. 1.1310 0.04410 84 75 7 2
3662 No, that wasn't me who read for you last night. I think you are confusing me with someone else. 1.1310 0.03703 84 73 11 0
3663 My mother used to read this to me just a few light years ago! 1.1310 0.04072 84 74 9 1
3664 The Space Monsters harvested the last human brain and triumphantly transported back to their distant planet to live happily ever after. The end. 1.1310 0.05019 84 77 3 4
3665 Good night and chilling nightmares....I mean sweet dreams. 1.1310 0.03703 84 73 11 0
3666 What bedtime story do you want to me read before I probe you. 1.1308 0.03534 107 94 12 1
3667 Well, according to Merriam-Webster, aliens are resident or nonresident, immigrant or nonimmigrant, asylee or refugee, documented or undocumented. 1.1308 0.02968 130 113 17 0
3668 Given the eroded state of your senior care, we couldn’t just keep watching from the clouds, so we landed and took over last night. Now let’s finish this chapter and head off to morning beanball… 1.1304 0.03854 92 81 10 1
3669 Take me to your reader. 1.1304 0.04152 92 82 8 2
3670 And they lived happily ever after producing organs for harvest. 1.1304 0.03854 92 81 10 1
3671 I was sucking off Eisenhower on the regular back in the 50s. We all were: greys, greens, you name it. Just getting real sloppy in Roswell. I'll tell you what, I Like Ike, if you know what I mean. 1.1304 0.04152 92 82 8 2
3672 Bhtrfhirdgjjkh ytthjjhytgh rrgnjjfcbhh juhfdvhjktxvbhjjh hythhjjhggg? (trans. Why aren’t you laughing at the funny bits?) 1.1304 0.03854 92 81 10 1
3673 '"And then we came here to this world and turned all of you into clones" 1.1304 0.03530 92 80 12 0
3674 The first person story from space. 1.1304 0.04152 92 82 8 2
3675 Mmm, tasty. Oh, don't worry! To Serve Man isn't a cookbook, it's just a story. 1.1304 0.03854 92 81 10 1
3676 Shall we take our relationship to close encounters of the 5th kind? 1.1304 0.03854 92 81 10 1
3677 And then he bellowed ‘Fee Fie Foe Fum. I smell the blood of a carbon based life form!’ 1.1304 0.03854 92 81 10 1
3678 why seem surprised, I’ve been reading this story for years to you but You and no one else , believed me 1.1304 0.04152 92 82 8 2
3679 Just close your eyes when your mother comes in 1.1304 0.04693 92 84 4 4
3680 This book is interesting I guess, but I wish it was full of human faces instead of boring words. Don't you think, Mark? 1.1304 0.03854 92 81 10 1
3681 The first little human child stew was too hot, and the second little human child stew was too cold, but the third one was just right. 1.1300 0.03667 100 88 11 1
3682 Still reading books, how quaint. 1.1300 0.03933 100 89 9 2
3683 And after this dark encounter with the paranormal, the girl never got out of bed again 1.1299 0.03856 77 67 10 0
3684 Your science fiction is rather banal. 1.1299 0.04276 77 68 8 1
3685 And then the ghost sat down next to the bed... 1.1299 0.04276 77 68 8 1
3686 Goodnight Moon is so yesterday. Jean Godden, Seattle, Wa. 1.1299 0.03856 77 67 10 0
3687 I’ll just read a story to you while your parents visit my friends. 1.1294 0.04361 85 76 7 2
3688 It's about math. 1.1294 0.04027 85 75 9 1
3689 Good Night Moon is my favorite. 1.1294 0.03662 85 74 11 0
3690 And they lived happily ever after, at least as happy as they could be in the human world. 1.1294 0.04671 85 77 5 3
3691 I am replacing your dad for your nigh time story. He was beamed up to our space craft and will be spending some time with us. 1.1294 0.04361 85 76 7 2
3692 … and then, in the blink of an eye, 70 solar years passed and he was dead and none of it mattered. The End. 1.1294 0.04027 85 75 9 1
3693 And they lived happily ever after and had many children 1.1294 0.04361 85 76 7 2
3694 And that's how Chocolate cake came to be ... 1.1294 0.04027 85 75 9 1
3695 Since I’m your doctor, you must follow my instructions fully. 1.1294 0.04027 85 75 9 1
3696 And that's why I don't have nipples. 1.1294 0.04361 85 76 7 2
3697 Alright, one more you won't remember then right too sleep 1.1294 0.03662 85 74 11 0
3698 Now good night my darling, I really feel like sharing my old diary with you makes us closer! 1.1294 0.04027 85 75 9 1
3699 ...and they all lived happily ever after in Area 51. 1.1290 0.03815 93 82 10 1
3700 Sorry your parents had to hire me from farther away - I heard there is a shortage of nannies here post the pandemic. 1.1290 0.03495 93 81 12 0
3701 That’s not how a lion sounds. 1.1290 0.03815 93 82 10 1
3702 Have you heard 'The Princess Bride' before? 1.1290 0.04110 93 83 8 2
3703 And they lived happily ever after. The invasion. 1.1290 0.04110 93 83 8 2
3704 Goodnight room, goodnight anal probe on the moon. 1.1290 0.03815 93 82 10 1
3705 Your mum and dad were delicious. 1.1290 0.04110 93 83 8 2
3706 Once upon a flying saucer, … 1.1290 0.04110 93 83 8 2
3707 and after we conquered earth we lived happily ever after. 1.1290 0.03495 93 81 12 0
3708 Why that look, your daughter just loves these bedtime stories! 1.1290 0.03495 93 81 12 0
3709 Do you think I can pull off a bandana? 1.1290 0.04110 93 83 8 2
3710 I never could figure you out! 1.1287 0.03896 101 90 9 2
3711 This is all a dream… you’ll wake Toni up in the morning and snap I’ll be gone . 1.1287 0.03896 101 90 9 2
3712 "I'm waiting for your bathtub to fill 1.1287 0.03896 101 90 9 2
3713 ....and that's how I got on the planet 1.1287 0.03632 101 89 11 1
3714 So that's how the term "illegal aliens" got started. Would you like me to read the chapter about how they took over world leadership? 1.1284 0.03932 109 98 8 3
3715 and the third little alien said, "wee, wee, wee, wee are the champions." 1.1284 0.03473 109 96 12 1
3716 I loved this one in 1950s. "Mother died today." 1.1282 0.04602 78 70 6 2
3717 Come back again,” he said. “I want you to stay next time. 1.1282 0.04602 78 70 6 2
3718 Far far away 1.1282 0.04224 78 69 8 1
3719 The next one, about the 2016 election, is even scarier. 1.1282 0.04950 78 71 4 3
3720 It calms alien abduction anxiety. 1.1282 0.04224 78 69 8 1
3721 Epstein didn’t kill himself lol 1.1279 0.04619 86 78 5 3
3722 Tonight we're going to read from Choose MY Own Adventure. 1.1279 0.03623 86 75 11 0
3723 ....and all the High Grand Dimar's transportation and all the High Grand Dimar's Special Guard could not again reassemble the ovoid zygote. 1.1279 0.04312 86 77 7 2
3724 Yah, it sounds kinda unwoke, but "To Serve Man" is a gem. 1.1279 0.04619 86 78 5 3
3725 …and as soon as the little girl fell asleep, her alien robot mother ate her. 1.1279 0.04619 86 78 5 3
3726 We always read books from the back to the front. 1.1279 0.03982 86 76 9 1
3727 Don't worry, I won't let the humans abduct you in the night. 1.1279 0.03623 86 75 11 0
3728 And the moral of the story is that you will all be happy minions. 1.1279 0.03623 86 75 11 0
3729 Whose says truth is stranger than fiction? 1.1279 0.04312 86 77 7 2
3730 Relax, I am here to take you to a happy, safe ? 1.1279 0.03623 86 75 11 0
3731 And that is the story of how human beings are made 1.1279 0.03623 86 75 11 0
3732 And he lived happily ever after on a planet far far away and never saw his family again 1.1279 0.03623 86 75 11 0
3733 My, what large tentacles you have, Grandma," said Red Riding Hood. 1.1279 0.03623 86 75 11 0
3734 Lord Zingon commanded we put all humans to sleep 1.1279 0.03623 86 75 11 0
3735 This is cheesier than the moon. 1.1279 0.03982 86 76 9 1
3736 Get a good rest tonight we leave for home tomorrow morning. 1.1277 0.04068 94 84 8 2
3737 New York City is so provincial, don't you think? By the way, you're my bed and breakfast. 1.1277 0.03777 94 83 10 1
3738 You're offended by the title of my autobiography, "Seeing Earth Through Slanted Eyes?" 1.1277 0.04068 94 84 8 2
3739 We'll have to interrupt this bedtime story for an alien abduction. 1.1277 0.03777 94 83 10 1
3740 What do you mean, ET go HOME? 1.1277 0.04340 94 85 6 3
3741 Were you expecting a bicycle ride over the moon? 1.1277 0.03777 94 83 10 1
3742 And then the aliens ate all the little children. 1.1277 0.03777 94 83 10 1
3743 This is a very nice bedroom, by the way. 1.1277 0.03777 94 83 10 1
3744 It's ok sweetheart,you were having a nightmare,Mommies here now 1.1277 0.03777 94 83 10 1
3745 And they all didn't live happily ever after. 1.1275 0.03599 102 90 11 1
3746 How about a story on E.T.? 1.1275 0.03859 102 91 9 2
3747 Then Jack phoned home and got beamed off of the beanstalk. 1.1268 0.04454 71 63 7 1
3748 Oh come on kid. I would be willing to bet that almost every alien depiction you’ve ever seen looks just like me. Can I please just start reading this book without you being super weird? 1.1266 0.04890 79 72 4 3
3749 Once in a while in a galaxie far far away...... 1.1266 0.04890 79 72 4 3
3750 This is little too scary for my taste. 1.1266 0.04174 79 70 8 1
3751 When I finish reading, I can either stare at you from the closet or crawl under the bed. 1.1266 0.04174 79 70 8 1
3752 Are you sure you wanna hear the one about Earth? It always gives you nightmares. 1.1266 0.04546 79 71 6 2
3753 And now for a real horror story! 1.1266 0.04546 79 71 6 2
3754 What's wrong? You don't want me to read you "The Exorcist? " 1.1266 0.04546 79 71 6 2
3755 That cookbook scares me. 1.1266 0.04174 79 70 8 1
3756 Well, you're finally awake sleepy head. Y ou slept through us taking over the Earth. 1.1266 0.04546 79 71 6 2
3757 In the great green airship,there was good wifi,a red balloon,and a picture of me jumping on the rings of Saturn. 1.1266 0.04546 79 71 6 2
3758 And so the probe was gone forever--but where, nobody knew. The end. 1.1266 0.04890 79 72 4 3
3759 Please stop worrying honey. You were born in this country and I'm a legal alien. The government knows walls can't keep out UFOs... 1.1266 0.04174 79 70 8 1
3760 Once Upon a Timeless Black Hole. 1.1264 0.03584 87 76 11 0
3761 ... and they lived happily ever after... which is 1000 light years from now. 1.1264 0.03584 87 76 11 0
3762 Now be a good little alien and go to sleep. 1.1264 0.04265 87 78 7 2
3763 When will Mommy and Daddy return from Mars? 1.1264 0.04265 87 78 7 2
3764 I came in peace but tell me more about this "war". 1.1264 0.03939 87 77 9 1
3765 Let me read you a bedtime story that will help you to forget about the monster in the closet. 1.1264 0.04265 87 78 7 2
3766 This is the story of my home town in Area 52. 1.1264 0.03939 87 77 9 1
3767 This job is part of the process to get my green card for Earth citizenship 1.1264 0.03584 87 76 11 0
3768 I'm not supposed to read this for myself ? 1.1264 0.03939 87 77 9 1
3769 Oh, your mom?” “We’ve eaten her” “Your dad?” “He’s being probed at this moment.” “So, Treadure Island, huh 1.1264 0.03939 87 77 9 1
3770 You humans have great taste in literature 1.1263 0.04027 95 85 8 2
3771 This story has a happy ending. Your story does not. 1.1263 0.03739 95 84 10 1
3772 And that's when the Truman Administration, and every President since, agreed to suppress the existence of the water-powered car. 1.1263 0.04296 95 86 6 3
3773 With my glow in the dark power,you don 1.1263 0.03426 95 83 12 0
3774 Someone has been sleeping in my bed,” said Little Alien. “And she's still there! Can have human for dinner Papa? 1.1263 0.04027 95 85 8 2
3775 You want me to read “Close Encounters” again? 1.1263 0.03426 95 83 12 0
3776 You don't wanna know where the manual says to put the probe. 1.1263 0.03426 95 83 12 0
3777 Reading in character. 1.1262 0.03824 103 92 9 2
3778 Oh? I thought you would enjoy Anne of Green Ganymede 1.1262 0.03824 103 92 9 2
3779 And that's how we took over earth 1.1250 0.03789 104 93 9 2
3780 Dear Madam, in Space, no one can hear you scream; on Earth, you folks just up the TV's volume. 1.1250 0.04124 80 71 8 1
3781 That’s not an’ ovary removal’ manual, is it? 1.1250 0.03897 88 78 9 1
3782 This story will really take you away. 1.1250 0.03702 96 85 10 1
3783 Your eyes are so wide little girl. 1.1250 0.04124 80 71 8 1
3784 You've been so good, how about an EXTRA story tonight! 1.1250 0.04492 80 72 6 2
3785 OK - my English may not be perfect, but what do you expect for $5 an hour?! 1.1250 0.03546 88 77 11 0
3786 The first planet was too hot, and the second planet was too cold. But the third planet from the sun was juuuuust right for hostile terraformation. 1.1250 0.03546 88 77 11 0
3787 On our planet we read books before bed to all ages. 1.1250 0.04492 80 72 6 2
3788 Sorry,did you need me to pull the curtains? 1.1250 0.04219 88 79 7 2
3789 And the little alien child finally defeated the human villain... 1.1250 0.03897 88 78 9 1
3790 The boy and the alien 1.1250 0.04219 88 79 7 2
3791 And then after vanquishing the evil humans, the Andromedans lived on their Earth colony happily ever after. 1.1250 0.03702 96 85 10 1
3792 how do you feel about space sci fi when aliens are already here 1.1250 0.03702 96 85 10 1
3793 And then the little green men started the colonoscopy . . . wait . . . do you know what a colonoscopy is? 1.1250 0.03702 96 85 10 1
3794 In The Beginning...was the Word...and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. John 1:1 1.1250 0.04492 80 72 6 2
3795 Goodnight stars, Goodnight air, Good by earthlings everywhere... 1.1250 0.03987 96 86 8 2
3796 Everything's okay Honey, the monster under your bed is afraid of Aliens. Now let's finish your bedtime story before I visit your little brother. 1.1250 0.04124 80 71 8 1
3797 This Paddington Bear is really making me reconsider what I’m doing here. 1.1250 0.04124 80 71 8 1
3798 And when the probe was finished, she lived happily ever after. 1.1250 0.03897 88 78 9 1
3799 When I read this, you are going to need those prayers. 1.1250 0.04820 72 65 5 2
3800 $%#(*&^!@!+ 1.1250 0.04518 88 80 5 3
3801 Shkleimpe 1.1250 0.03702 96 85 10 1
3802 And then Donald Trump announced he was running again in 2024. 1.1250 0.04219 88 79 7 2
3803 It’s a badly-written ghost story that will bore you to sleep. 1.1250 0.03702 96 85 10 1
3804 Why are you afraid? The story isn't that scary. 1.1250 0.03987 96 86 8 2
3805 Marsha, I feel as though I am being watched. 1.1250 0.03897 88 78 9 1
3806 So, you wanna hear the ending? Trust me, you don't wanna hear... 1.1250 0.03897 88 78 9 1
3807 I gave up mutilating cattle for this, Jimmy. It’s not my fault that Tolstoy makes for bad telepathy. 1.1250 0.03702 96 85 10 1
3808 No matter what I say, it has only one expression. Neither empathy, nor sympathy. I have to keep my expectations really low. 1.1250 0.03702 96 85 10 1
3809 You should read it, it's all about believing in yourself. 1.1250 0.03393 96 84 12 0
3810 Snow White said, "Anal probes are great. Thanks, Venusian fairy godmother. And she lived happily ever after. 1.1250 0.04027 104 94 7 3
3811 Then the alien ate the child and fell asleep in her bed. THE END. 1.1250 0.04820 72 65 5 2
3812 Stop me now if you'd rather wait for the movie. 1.1250 0.03546 88 77 11 0
3813 I traveled here from Outer Space to read to you and you want to watch the "E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial" video again?? 1.1250 0.04492 80 72 6 2
3814 „It was great fun. Since that day we also used to call Larry by the name Jesus.“ 1.1250 0.04492 80 72 6 2
3815 Do you mind if I read you a bible story? 1.1250 0.04219 88 79 7 2
3816 Once upon a time. On earth far far away day. Three little. Humans went. To visit their great. Starship capital ..on Lucaro the 29th planet in the. Swerzah,o. Galaxy. Are youfrightened???. You ve squeezed your eye sssooo tightly shut 1.1237 0.03948 97 87 8 2
3817 You'll like Rumpelstiltskin. He's my brother-in-law. 1.1237 0.03948 97 87 8 2
3818 ... then Little Red Riding Hood said 'What big eyes you have! 1.1237 0.03360 97 85 12 0
3819 Not tonight honey,I have a headache. 1.1237 0.03948 97 87 8 2
3820 Let me read you the story of the illegal alien. 1.1237 0.03666 97 86 10 1
3821 'Hey...I guess your parents must've been quite stuck finding a babysitter right?' 1.1237 0.03360 97 85 12 0
3822 The end. Of the story, I mean, not life on earth. 1.1236 0.04173 89 80 7 2
3823 Just one more chapter, then I'll take out the probe. 1.1236 0.04173 89 80 7 2
3824 After this chapter, I’m gonna go bang your mom. 1.1236 0.03508 89 78 11 0
3825 We'll start the probe after this chapter. 1.1236 0.03855 89 79 9 1
3826 What, you never heard the story of the Three Little XDIONVASKDFIN? 1.1236 0.04469 89 81 5 3
3827 Let's go to a different world. 1.1236 0.03855 89 79 9 1
3828 …and E.T. vaporized Buzz Lightyear and then phoned home. The End. 1.1236 0.03508 89 78 11 0
3829 Bedtime stories are starting to feel a bit alienating these days. 1.1236 0.03855 89 79 9 1
3830 They’re called breasts and we all have them. 1.1236 0.03508 89 78 11 0
3831 Now phoning home is always a fun thing to do. 1.1236 0.03855 89 79 9 1
3832 So after the little green men took over Earth, they sat down and rested for a few days. The end. 1.1236 0.03855 89 79 9 1
3833 ...and that's where babies come from. 1.1236 0.03855 89 79 9 1
3834 And the all probed happily ever after. 1.1235 0.04438 81 73 6 2
3835 ...but the third bear they probed was just right. 1.1235 0.04076 81 72 8 1
3836 This next passage is about Zorp. They are the one who brought cats to your planet. 1.1235 0.04076 81 72 8 1
3837 I’d rather you use the word assimilating then illegal alien. 1.1235 0.03678 81 71 10 0
3838 EverybGakacy has its own Snow White but the 7 Dwarfs vary from Sleazy Grunge to Mr GQ in Tn Tuxedo Quadrant 1.1235 0.04076 81 72 8 1
3839 And the little green men were actually Muppets. 1.1235 0.04438 81 73 6 2
3840 Instruction on how to mix concrete and to build pyramids… 1.1235 0.04076 81 72 8 1
3841 Oh, all we do is read between the lines 1.1235 0.04773 81 74 4 3
3842 It’s called Method Acting, Billy. Trick-or-treaters aren’t going to scare themselves now, are they? 1.1235 0.04076 81 72 8 1
3843 I like the subtle use of chainsaws. 1.1233 0.04338 73 65 7 1
3844 Good Night Moon would have sufficed. 1.1233 0.04756 73 66 5 2
3845 Goota tell from the start, I don't like "dark and stormy nights". 1.1226 0.03720 106 95 9 2
3846 this book is truly out of this world. 1.1226 0.03720 106 95 9 2
3847 How about this one? Roasted on a bed of onions and fennel? 1.1224 0.03910 98 88 8 2
3848 Janice, this Ancient Aliens book is epic. Let me show you pictures of the crop circle craze from the 1980s. 1.1224 0.03631 98 87 10 1
3849 Your parents hired me when they went to an Area 51 Earthling gathering. 1.1224 0.03328 98 86 12 0
3850 It’s a fairytale. Everyone lives happily together. 1.1222 0.03815 90 80 9 1
3851 Your mother will read you a story tomorrow. 1.1222 0.03472 90 79 11 0
3852 Then after we vaporized it we all said ‘Good Night Moon.’ 1.1222 0.04129 90 81 7 2
3853 I’m the virtual reader your kids arranged. 1.1222 0.03472 90 79 11 0
3854 Sleep tight darling" There is no such thing as ghosts 1.1222 0.03815 90 80 9 1
3855 Well that's the end of "Goodnight, Earth." 1.1222 0.03815 90 80 9 1
3856 Ok, I give up. Take me to your reader. 1.1222 0.03815 90 80 9 1
3857 And they ever-after lived. 1.1222 0.03815 90 80 9 1
3858 Now that I finished writing your book let me read you a few pages of mine 1.1222 0.03472 90 79 11 0
3859 The War of the Worlds is one of my favorites… 1.1222 0.03815 90 80 9 1
3860 ...And the planet called Earth was no more. 1.1222 0.03815 90 80 9 1
3861 It's a cookbook 1.1220 0.04029 82 73 8 1
3862 This story may Alienate you! 1.1220 0.04029 82 73 8 1
3863 It’s just a cookbook, Cooper. Nothing to be worried about. 1.1220 0.03636 82 72 10 0
3864 Oh, fuck! 1.1220 0.04717 82 75 4 3
3865 …and that is how we colonized earth and killed your parents. Any questions? 1.1220 0.04029 82 73 8 1
3866 And then I said, 'Take me to your...book dealer!' Anyway, you had to be there. This one's called Goldilocks. 1.1220 0.04387 82 74 6 2
3867 In our version the wolf wins in the end 1.1220 0.04029 82 73 8 1
3868 Yeah.... I am not sleeping tonight" Olivia Xu, New York City, N.Y. 1.1220 0.04387 82 74 6 2
3869 Pay close attention sweetie darling, or you won't grow up to be a good mommy like me. 1.1220 0.04387 82 74 6 2
3870 And the baby bear said, "Someone's been sleeping in my bed." 1.1220 0.04387 82 74 6 2
3871 Look, just because your alarm clock has stopped doesn't mean I'm going to read all night. 1.1220 0.04029 82 73 8 1
3872 A space odyssey? More like a space oddity! “ 1.1220 0.04387 82 74 6 2
3873 And so they invaded happily ever after. 1.1216 0.03825 74 65 9 0
3874 I may be an alien, but I'm still your husband. 1.1216 0.04282 74 66 7 1
3875 E.T. home phone. 1.1216 0.04282 74 66 7 1
3876 ...and they all lived simulated happily in the specimen chamber ever after! 1.1212 0.03596 99 88 10 1
3877 Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow.. 1.1212 0.04048 66 58 8 0
3878 Alien encounters with a happy ending. I think you'll like this story. 1.1209 0.03775 91 81 9 1
3879 Once upon a time, in a land far far away...Oh wait, I was just there! 1.1209 0.04374 91 83 5 3
3880 Trust me, your absentee vote is in the mail. 1.1209 0.03436 91 80 11 0
3881 I can read because I know all your earthlings languages. 1.1209 0.03436 91 80 11 0
3882 The Lord of the Rings" huh? Let's see what you last request has to offer 1.1209 0.03775 91 81 9 1
3883 And where do we place our probes? THE END. 1.1209 0.03436 91 80 11 0
3884 And so the earthlings accepted their new overlords with great joy. 1.1209 0.03436 91 80 11 0
3885 Goodnight aliens all around us. 1.1209 0.04086 91 82 7 2
3886 Between watching Mel Gibson in Signs (again) last night and that Cointreau cake, I think I am hallucinating. 1.1209 0.04086 91 82 7 2
3887 Oh, come now, this story isn't THAT scary! 1.1209 0.03436 91 80 11 0
3888 come with me, and you can say good night to the mood up close 1.1209 0.03436 91 80 11 0
3889 ... ever, ever, ever after. 1.1209 0.03436 91 80 11 0
3890 Oh good, you’re awake… 1.1209 0.03775 91 81 9 1
3891 Little Red Riding Hood said , “What big eyes you have”. 1.1205 0.03983 83 74 8 1
3892 The story is by, not about, an alien invasion. 1.1205 0.04336 83 75 6 2
3893 It's the story of your grandfather Elliot. 1.1205 0.03983 83 74 8 1
3894 This is one of my favorites. It should drive away you night terror. 1.1205 0.04662 83 76 4 3
3895 Common mistake. Lector probe was always a troublesome translation. 1.1205 0.03983 83 74 8 1
3896 Can you tell me how to get to the shire? 1.1205 0.04336 83 75 6 2
3897 Ordinary e-readers don't give the aura of a real ET reader. 1.1205 0.03595 83 73 10 0
3898 And the alien conquerors of the Earth lived happily ever after. Sweet dreams. 1.1205 0.04336 83 75 6 2
3899 It's a bit of a stretch with the whole alien twist at the end huh? 1.1205 0.03983 83 74 8 1
3900 Do you remember anything from my last reading? 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
3901 Don't worry Billy,the invasion should end soon with most of your planet was flattened by nuclear weapons. 1.1200 0.03562 100 89 10 1
3902 And this little human went wee wee wee all the way to the mothership 1.1200 0.03562 100 89 10 1
3903 I just wanted to read you the part about entering and then coming out of a black hole. 1.1200 0.03562 100 89 10 1
3904 Boy Mom is using a strange babysitter tonight 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
3905 Relax, dearie. You look like you've seen a ghost! 1.1196 0.04043 92 83 7 2
3906 "There are no borders in Space either." 1.1196 0.03736 92 82 9 1
3907 Don’t worry...that galaxy far, far away...a long time ago...where I come from...is now owned by Disney! 1.1196 0.03736 92 82 9 1
3908 It’s all bullshit, kid. 1.1196 0.04043 92 83 7 2
3909 Isn’t his prose just out of this world? 1.1196 0.04043 92 83 7 2
3910 Show long have you liked science fiction? 1.1196 0.04328 92 84 5 3
3911 I’m going to ZAP you if you don’t go to sleep! 1.1196 0.04043 92 83 7 2
3912 Let’s read “Goodnight Moon” before we say “good morning!” to Mars. 1.1196 0.03736 92 82 9 1
3913 MY MOTHER, THE ALIEN, Chapter Three - Abduction. 1.1196 0.03736 92 82 9 1
3914 You know, I must say, this Douglas Adams guy has some imagination. 1.1194 0.03991 67 59 8 0
3915 And they served their new overlords ever after. The end. 1.1193 0.03119 109 96 13 0
3916 Sheik fairy tales 1.1190 0.03555 84 74 10 0
3917 Don't worry! We're iving in a simulation. 1.1190 0.03938 84 75 8 1
3918 Your husband said he would trade your bedtime story for a trip to our house. 1.1190 0.03938 84 75 8 1
3919 Did you hear something rustling under your bed? 1.1190 0.03938 84 75 8 1
3920 One more—but I'm going at light speed. 1.1190 0.03938 84 75 8 1
3921 ...and then Jack climbed the beanstalk to the spaceship, where they performed experiments on him. 1.1190 0.03555 84 74 10 0
3922 ...and then, he became President again until the year 2355. 1.1190 0.04286 84 76 6 2
3923 And the Aliens conquered Earth and lived happily ever after. 1.1190 0.04286 84 76 6 2
3924 I'll take you on a special magic carpet ride. 1.1190 0.03555 84 74 10 0
3925 Soak in water for 24 hours 1.1190 0.03938 84 75 8 1
3926 And the children of Hamelin lived happily ever after in the mother ship. 1.1190 0.04286 84 76 6 2
3927 Your mom asked me to read to you. 1.1190 0.03938 84 75 8 1
3928 Thanks for teaching me how to read, billy! 1.1190 0.03555 84 74 10 0
3929 And this is a special book. It was the book my father used to read to me when I was sick, and I used to read it to your father. And today I'm gonna read it to you. 1.1188 0.03528 101 90 10 1
3930 Once upon a time……and they lived happily after their chip implant. 1.1188 0.03528 101 90 10 1
3931 And they lived happily ever after on their new home planet. 1.1184 0.03731 76 67 9 0
3932 And then WE lived happily ever after. 1.1183 0.04001 93 84 7 2
3933 Cheer up! This book says, 'When you get better you'll look just like me!' 1.1183 0.03698 93 83 9 1
3934 This book on intergalactic stock trading should be scary. 1.1183 0.04284 93 85 5 3
3935 So this is the most embarrassing story in your diary 1.1183 0.03367 93 82 11 0
3936 And the aliens lived happily on earth forever after. 1.1176 0.03515 85 75 10 0
3937 On my planet, I am known as a sesquipedalian bibliophile. 1.1176 0.03206 102 90 12 0
3938 You are just right .. you are just like Goldilocks 1.1176 0.03515 85 75 10 0
3939 Why don't you wear eye make-up the way Aaron Judge does? 1.1176 0.04013 102 93 6 3
3940 Relaxing bedtime stories? No, you must have me mistaken for someone else. We do horror. 1.1176 0.03893 85 76 8 1
3941 what entering a country illegally does to a mf 1.1176 0.03206 102 90 12 0
3942 I brought a selection of vegan cookbooks. 1.1176 0.03893 85 76 8 1
3943 she tried the middle-sized bed, which belonged to the Middle-sized Bear, and she found it too hard; then she tried the smallest bed, which belonged to the Little Bear, and found it just right, so she lay down upon it, and fell fast asleep. " 1.1176 0.04238 85 77 6 2
3944 Each time I read the part aloud about us conquering the earth, we both tear up. 1.1176 0.03496 102 91 10 1
3945 ...and so, the aliens took over the earth and they all lived happily ever after. The end. 1.1176 0.04238 85 77 6 2
3946 Can I abduct this book? 1.1176 0.03893 85 76 8 1
3947 Remember, our safe word is supernova. 1.1176 0.03515 85 75 10 0
3948 Once upon a human construct supporting the illusion that you understand change, even though the past exists only in your neuronal activity that perceives that the past exists, their lived a king whose subjects were threatened by--well, me. 1.1176 0.04238 85 77 6 2
3949 Did I scare the sheep out of you? 1.1176 0.03893 85 76 8 1
3950 Then the aliens eradicated the human beings, and settled on planet earth happily ever after. 1.1176 0.03893 85 76 8 1
3951 So now that I am no longer a conspiracy theory I can read you my favorite Area 51 Books. 1.1170 0.03961 94 85 7 2
3952 and ET said "phone home"..... 1.1170 0.03333 94 83 11 0
3953 Here's where he gets all worked up about 'the Greys.' You're gonna love this. 1.1170 0.03660 94 84 9 1
3954 Once upon a time and long ago, I was in my own galaxy. What I am doing here, with you is a complete mystery but I'll work with it. " 1.1170 0.03660 94 84 9 1
3955 You know “Goodnight Moon” gives you nightmares. 1.1170 0.03333 94 83 11 0
3956 Mom, you look different. 1.1170 0.03333 94 83 11 0
3957 Dear diary, aliens don’t exist… 1.1170 0.03660 94 84 9 1
3958 I think you'll really enjoy this one. It's called 'The War of The Worlds' 1.1169 0.03685 77 68 9 0
3959 Start over? You just don’t won’t this book to end. 1.1169 0.04519 77 70 5 2
3960 These germs of disease have taken toll of humanity since the beginning of things--taken toll of our prehuman ancestors since life began here. 1.1169 0.04123 77 69 7 1
3961 Stop me if you have read this already 1.1169 0.04123 77 69 7 1
3962 Here's the good part, where the alien does an anal probe on the human. 1.1169 0.04519 77 70 5 2
3963 …andyea eythay ivedlay appyheylyea afteryea. 1.1169 0.03685 77 68 9 0
3964 You know that story about the Ark? Well, we did save genetic material on the experiments we thought had potential. I mean, we were totally wrong about your species though. 1.1169 0.04882 77 71 3 3
3965 You don't know this book? Would that make it...an unidentifiable reading object? 1.1165 0.03728 103 93 8 2
3966 Why does every story end with a planet getting blown up by a space laser? 1.1165 0.03177 103 91 12 0
3967 But in the end, contrary to the prophecies, destroying all humans didn't cure our species' congenital blindness. 1.1163 0.04191 86 78 6 2
3968 …and Billy’s Mom was never heard from again, until 45 years later when she returned, never having aged one day. 1.1163 0.04505 86 79 4 3
3969 Well, dear female human child, this starts in a galaxy far, far, far away. 1.1163 0.03477 86 76 10 0
3970 You've still got four hours left in your probe. 1.1163 0.03850 86 77 8 1
3971 Sorry about eating your mom and dad. To tell you the truth they were tasty. Let's dig into this Harry Potter story on anal probes. 1.1163 0.04191 86 78 6 2
3972 Yes, it’s another story about an extremely lucky girl who gets adopted by the most wonderful alien couple. 1.1163 0.03850 86 77 8 1
3973 Everything will be OK. Just go to sleeeeep. 1.1163 0.03477 86 76 10 0
3974 With their last battery of tests, Little Linda and Nacho survived happily ever after. 1.1163 0.03850 86 77 8 1
3975 That’s not in my copy of Abduction for Dummies. 1.1163 0.03850 86 77 8 1
3976 period ah period uhh period ahh period uhh 1.1163 0.03850 86 77 8 1
3977 It’s called foreplay. 1.1163 0.04191 86 78 6 2
3978 And that little sh#t Elliot gets his comeuppance. 1.1161 0.03530 112 101 9 2
3979 Why is that book on probing so long? 1.1159 0.04397 69 62 6 1
3980 Yes you will miss your family, but out there is impossible beauty and wonder. 1.1159 0.04397 69 62 6 1
3981 This part of your diary is pure fiction, “How I survived the anal probe.” 1.1158 0.03300 95 84 11 0
3982 This Voldemort fella sounds pretty hot! 1.1158 0.03300 95 84 11 0
3983 You know, I could just jump ahead to "happily ever after" before I harvest your organs. 1.1158 0.03921 95 86 7 2
3984 I know you like fairy tales about your once home, planet earth. Long, long ago a planet named earth was the home to fanciful plants, beautiful animals, and of course the mean old humans... 1.1158 0.03921 95 86 7 2
3985 This story is called, "The Emperor's New Clothes" 1.1158 0.03624 95 85 9 1
3986 . . . and the alien abductors lived happily ever after. 1.1158 0.03921 95 86 7 2
3987 Want me to finish telling you how we plan to exterminate humans? 1.1158 0.03300 95 84 11 0
3988 Last night didn't just "happen", you laid it out in your diary last Tuesday... 1.1158 0.03921 95 86 7 2
3989 Zeowk hvsj lamsn ghioa jhbsv mkzjha mazurjak 1.1158 0.03921 95 86 7 2
3990 Sorry kid,our stories are as bland as we are. 1.1158 0.03624 95 85 9 1
3991 Good Night. Sleep Tight! 1.1158 0.03921 95 86 7 2
3992 ....and they lived phfft*&qb%ly ever after... 1.1158 0.03624 95 85 9 1
3993 I’ve explored the vastness of space, discovering new worlds and even I can’t find it! 1.1158 0.03921 95 86 7 2
3994 ...then his parents were kidnapped by an awesome race of aliens for experiment with their brains. The End. Good night, Billy. 1.1158 0.03624 95 85 9 1
3995 Everyone lived happily ever after being abducted. 1.1154 0.03641 78 69 9 0
3996 I think the point is to assure me that there is nothing under the bed. Griffin A (age 9) 1.1154 0.03641 78 69 9 0
3997 Relax, no there is not a furry soft kitten hiding under your bed. 1.1154 0.04463 78 71 5 2
3998 Shall I read you another chapter before I hide under the bed? 1.1154 0.04073 78 70 7 1
3999 And you thought aliens weren't real...Let me read you a little story. 1.1154 0.04073 78 70 7 1
4000 And that's the Martian version of Bleak House. 1.1154 0.03694 104 94 8 2
4001 Its just rude to think I would pick a Scifi story. 1.1154 0.03641 78 69 9 0
4002 We’d better finish ’cause it’ll be dark soon, and they mostly come at night… mostly. 1.1154 0.04073 78 70 7 1
4003 And with the human race finally annihilated, the Supreme Beings lived happy ever after. The End. 1.1154 0.03938 104 95 6 3
4004 Don’t worry kid, this Jesus book is all fiction. I should know, I was there. 1.1154 0.04073 78 70 7 1
4005 Well we’re definitely not in Kansas anymore. 1.1154 0.04073 78 70 7 1
4006 ...once upon a time people lived on one planet... 1.1154 0.03641 78 69 9 0
4007 Okay Penny, now we’ll read Charles Darwin’s book ‘On the Origin of Species.’ 1.1154 0.04073 78 70 7 1
4008 And the third deposit of beta-glucan soluble fiber was jusssssst right. 1.1154 0.04073 78 70 7 1
4009 And then the little girl rose up to the interstellar ship, checked to make sure she had all her body parts… 1.1149 0.03808 87 78 8 1
4010 Yes. This one has a happy ending. 1.1149 0.03439 87 77 10 0
4011 They lived happily ever after and had many Little UFOs. 1.1149 0.04144 87 79 6 2
4012 Once upon a time there were adult humans on Earth. 1.1149 0.04144 87 79 6 2
4013 I guess my parents weee eaten by a wolf 1.1149 0.03808 87 78 8 1
4014 Goodnight, Moon" was faked 1.1149 0.04144 87 79 6 2
4015 Goodnight… wait, that’s no moon! That’s a space station! Ha ha. Just kidding. Good night, kid. 1.1149 0.03439 87 77 10 0
4016 "...What you are." Would you like me to explain what that "little star" is? 1.1149 0.03808 87 78 8 1
4017 …and that’s the story of how we abducted your parents. 1.1149 0.03439 87 77 10 0
4018 ...so we concluded our earthling bodily cavity searches, and they all lived happily ever after. 1.1149 0.03439 87 77 10 0
4019 I’ll be right with you dear, I just need to finish this chapter on probing” 1.1146 0.03881 96 87 7 2
4020 'It was a dark and stormy Martian night.' 1.1146 0.03588 96 86 9 1
4021 Which is why there is no such thing as an alien 1.1146 0.03881 96 87 7 2
4022 I've been dying to dissect this one. 1.1146 0.03588 96 86 9 1
4023 Boo ! 1.1146 0.03881 96 87 7 2
4024 We find that the personal touch guarantees more nightmares. 1.1146 0.03588 96 86 9 1
4025 Your parents will be back tomorrow. I am your babysitter for the night. 1.1146 0.03588 96 86 9 1
4026 Yeah, I thought the ending was absurd too! 1.1146 0.03588 96 86 9 1
4027 No honey, they will not find your bones 1.1146 0.03588 96 86 9 1
4028 Don’t worry, sweetheart. This is definitely not a cookbook. 1.1143 0.04337 70 63 6 1
4029 it's a dream 1.1143 0.03120 105 93 12 0
4030 ##+@$^**?^***!! 1.1143 0.03401 105 94 10 1
4031 I´d like to read a non-fiction book, but you don´t believe in ETs. 1.1143 0.04337 70 63 6 1
4032 It’s ok. I’m your half-cousin, once removed. 1.1143 0.04337 70 63 6 1
4033 I’m so glad I found an Au Pair program that was interplanetary. Good brainwashing techniques.. I mean, childcare is so hard to find. 1.1143 0.03902 105 96 6 3
4034 And that is how I became your Space Mom 1.1139 0.03597 79 70 9 0
4035 And that’s why the alien ate the woman’s brain while she was sleeping. OK now, no more stories . It’s time to go to sleep. Sweet dreams.” Harry Benner, Chevy Chase, Marylan 1.1139 0.04023 79 71 7 1
4036 They all lived happily ever after in Roswell New Mexico son. 1.1139 0.04408 79 72 5 2
4037 And they all lived happily ever after --and I mean ever after. 1.1139 0.04408 79 72 5 2
4038 Goodnight Io. Goodnight Europa. Goodnight Ganymede. Goodnight Callisto. Goodnight Amalthea. Goodnight Himalia. Goodnight Elara. Goodnight Pasiphae. Goodnight Sinope. Goodnight Lysithea. Goodnight Carme. Goodnight Ananke. Goodnight Leda. Goodnight…. 1.1139 0.04408 79 72 5 2
4039 Goodnight berth Goodnight earth Goodnight moon drifting over the earth 1.1139 0.03597 79 70 9 0
4040 So your father used this here legal term 'alienation of affection' to divorce your mom. And that's how I became your step-dad. 1.1139 0.03597 79 70 9 0
4041 When I tell kids at school that you read to me,I get alienated. 1.1136 0.03767 88 79 8 1
4042 Alien -“There, there now. Let me find you the perfect bedtime story…with an alien touch, ;-) .” 1.1136 0.04099 88 80 6 2
4043 And then she looked tastier, tastier and tastier. 1.1136 0.03767 88 79 8 1
4044 And they lived Happily Ever After... somewhere in the Universe 1.1136 0.03403 88 78 10 0
4045 And the Martians finally saved the planet earth by destroying all the greedy polluting humans . Except for the children , whom they found very tasty. The end. 1.1136 0.03403 88 78 10 0
4046 ...but Prince Charming was actually one of us on a mission to harvest Cinderella's eggs to create alien/human hybrids to save our species. And they lived happily ever after. 1.1136 0.03403 88 78 10 0
4047 And the evil black hole swallowed the brave little comet and it was never seen again. 1.1136 0.03403 88 78 10 0
4048 And they all lived strangely and happily ever after. 1.1136 0.03767 88 79 8 1
4049 And we all lived happily ever after. 1.1136 0.03767 88 79 8 1
4050 No, you can’t scroll through your phone. 1.1136 0.03403 88 78 10 0
4051 …and all the king’s horses and all the king’s men, could not take the probe out again. Sweet dreams, Cindy. 1.1136 0.03403 88 78 10 0
4052 I hear your Dad’s bedtime stories are out of this world! 1.1134 0.03843 97 88 7 2
4053 Did you check under your bed for monsters? 1.1134 0.04113 97 89 5 3
4054 Look, I’ve explained the Galactic Quadrant’s economic woes enough times to you. To summarize: there’s still a worker shortage, and my sector of the galaxy has been willfully providing the cheapest home labor since 2028. 1.1134 0.04113 97 89 5 3
4055 Our next bedtime story will be very uplifting. 1.1127 0.03779 71 63 8 0
4056 Undefıned flying object! Is this how you call my flying sweet heart? 1.1127 0.04279 71 64 6 1
4057 ... and then ZORG absorbed all remaining life on the planet and lived happily ever after. The end. 1.1127 0.03779 71 63 8 0
4058 And then E.T. eviscerated Elliott and finished the Reese's Pieces. 1.1127 0.04279 71 64 6 1
4059 Turns out, your dad liked that I charge less than Betty up the street, and I can explain blockchain. 1.1127 0.04279 71 64 6 1
4060 This book on anal probes with long metal objects is just thrilling. I can't put it down! 1.1125 0.03555 80 71 9 0
4061 ...and when none of the teachers went back to teaching, the illegal aliens took over, and all the kids had to stay home forever. The End. 1.1125 0.03975 80 72 7 1
4062 I wouldn't worry about grandmother's big teeth. 1.1125 0.03975 80 72 7 1
4063 ...and the space aardvarks were vanquished, or WERE they? Okay, Daddy is getting a little hot in this body stocking, and it sounds like Mommy is giving out keys downstairs. Off to the party, pumpkin'. Let us know if you find your brother. Burrrrrp! 1.1125 0.03975 80 72 7 1
4064 Science fiction from earth is just so passé, don´t you think? 1.1125 0.04355 80 73 5 2
4065 Take your pick: zombie stories or sci-fi. 1.1125 0.03975 80 72 7 1
4066 'And then the people of 2022 lived happily ever after' 1.1125 0.03975 80 72 7 1
4067 OK, just one more story then it's off to a distant alien planet, young man! 1.1125 0.03975 80 72 7 1
4068 And then Gortog swallowed the Earthling and burped happily ever after. 1.1124 0.03367 89 79 10 0
4069 Hold on, let's see just see if he ever catches the white whale. Then we'll go up to the spaceship. 1.1124 0.03727 89 80 8 1
4070 It was a bright and sunshiny morning - The birds were merrily tweeting - and slowly, slowly, a dark shadow appears...I'll stop now 1.1124 0.04055 89 81 6 2
4071 It's somewhere between a horror story and a cautionary tale about the arc of humanity. 1.1124 0.04055 89 81 6 2
4072 I know, but I promise this one won't have any 'probing' 1.1124 0.03367 89 79 10 0
4073 And that's the end of the story. 1.1124 0.03727 89 80 8 1
4074 I've heard printed books are an alien concept these days. 1.1124 0.03367 89 79 10 0
4075 Do you think you could find a different expression to show how much you like the story? 1.1124 0.03367 89 79 10 0
4076 ...and after the anal probes were removed, and they were beamed back down to their planet, they all lived happily ever after. 1.1124 0.03367 89 79 10 0
4077 I’d like you to meet my family. 1.1124 0.04055 89 81 6 2
4078 Come on, this Predator fella sounds alright! 1.1124 0.03727 89 80 8 1
4079 Tonight's story is called "The Fermi Paradox" 1.1124 0.03367 89 79 10 0
4080 It's not my fault if your Bible makes for such depressing reading. 1.1124 0.03727 89 80 8 1
4081 And that how human ham hocks are made, Bobby. 1.1122 0.03518 98 88 9 1
4082 The last chapter, then it's lights out. 1.1122 0.03205 98 87 11 0
4083 The wolf wouldn't eat Red Riding Hood; no one believes in fairy tales" 1.1122 0.03205 98 87 11 0
4084 And they lived happily ever after in a parallel timespace continuum. 1.1111 0.03687 90 81 8 1
4085 Does this story sound believable? 1.1111 0.03928 81 73 7 1
4086 It's bedtime. I'll read one more chapter but then I have to leave ... the planet. 1.1111 0.04011 90 82 6 2
4087 My mistresses eyes are nothing like the sun...and believe me I know the sun 1.1111 0.03331 90 80 10 0
4088 I’ll skip the War of the Worlds — that’s happening next month anyway. 1.1111 0.03928 81 73 7 1
4089 Tonight we will read the second chapter of The War of Worlds." 1.1111 0.03928 81 73 7 1
4090 In OUR version, only WE live happily ever after. 1.1111 0.03687 90 81 8 1
4091 Aliens and bedtime stories, what a way to put me to sleep" 1.1111 0.04303 81 74 5 2
4092 There's something to be said about how to serve humans. Now, turn over and try to get some sleep. Good night. 1.1111 0.03687 90 81 8 1
4093 And so if you people come to our planet you'll live happily ever after. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
4094 Goodnight lamp, goodnight room, goodbye-uh, goodnight earth... 1.1111 0.03687 90 81 8 1
4095 This story is about an alien who eats children. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
4096 Trust me, “The Collapse of the Wavefunction” is a lovely lullaby that will help you fall asleep faster. 1.1111 0.03928 81 73 7 1
4097 …and the aliens rounded up the humans and took over Planet Earth.” The end. 1.1111 0.03331 90 80 10 0
4098 Darlin, a good read before bedtime is so relaxing. 1.1111 0.03331 90 80 10 0
4099 And then the aliens decided to eat everyone on earth. THE END. 1.1111 0.03331 90 80 10 0
4100 ...and the alien ate the town and everyone lived happily ever after. 1.1111 0.03928 81 73 7 1
4101 And that,IOX-7,is how your Daddy populated Mars. 1.1111 0.03928 81 73 7 1
4102 The twist is that this is a cookbook. 1.1111 0.03687 90 81 8 1
4103 And that’s all about Fermi’s Paradox 1.1111 0.03484 99 89 9 1
4104 Yes, our other probing technique is indeed faster and more efficient, but we feel we get so much more from reading an earthlings diary 1.1111 0.03928 81 73 7 1
4105 Why do all of your bedtime stories start with "Take me to your leader?" 1.1100 0.03451 100 90 9 1
4106 Hmmm ... I wonder how I got into this situation 1.1100 0.03451 100 90 9 1
4107 And then Zalga said to Zeladox, "We should probably start with the child earthlings, for they are the weakest" 1.1100 0.03732 100 91 7 2
4108 I wouldn’t worry too much about the sleep paralysis. According to this, I’m just a hallucination. 1.1099 0.03969 91 83 6 2
4109 Yeah, I'm not a fan of books either. 1.1099 0.03969 91 83 6 2
4110 And now a probe and sleep. 1.1099 0.03648 91 82 8 1
4111 And after the ritualistic killing of Xinorpe, King of the Znug, Vanquisher of the Kelirians, Ruler of all Bortriz, they lived happily ever after. . . 1.1099 0.03969 91 83 6 2
4112 This book says the monkeys are coming for us! 1.1099 0.03648 91 82 8 1
4113 And they all lived happily ever after in my interplanetary zoo. 1.1099 0.03297 91 81 10 0
4114 Now you will watch the Syfy channel> 1.1098 0.03883 82 74 7 1
4115 Her name was Janet, who fed on granite, and invaded a planet.... 1.1098 0.03473 82 73 9 0
4116 Your parents are tied up right now, so I'll read your bedtime story. 1.1098 0.03473 82 73 9 0
4117 It's not about what you know. It's about what you can prove. 1.1098 0.03883 82 74 7 1
4118 Ooooh, this is the scary part. 1.1098 0.03883 82 74 7 1
4119 ... then the little green men zapped the big bad wolf. 1.1098 0.03883 82 74 7 1
4120 There are two methods to best understand humans. First, I'll start by probing your diary. Then we'll see if we have to move to the second. 1.1098 0.03473 82 73 9 0
4121 Then , the handsome prince from a place far, far away sprinkled powdered sugar over the comely young maiden, ate her and everyone lived happily ever after. 1.1098 0.03883 82 74 7 1
4122 Let's agree to disagree on "plot". 1.1098 0.03473 82 73 9 0
4123 Now we learn about taxes 1.1098 0.03883 82 74 7 1
4124 ‘The prodigal son! We have one like this - got up to all sorts with bicycles and telephones and then came crawling back’ 1.1098 0.03883 82 74 7 1
4125 Once upon a time-travel, 1.1096 0.03681 73 65 8 0
4126 Don’t sulk. E.T. had other plans for tonight! 1.1096 0.04166 73 66 6 1
4127 Extretretials, do they exist? A comprehensive guide to the history of extraterrestrial encounters. 1.1096 0.03681 73 65 8 0
4128 And the Three Bears welcomed Goldilocks into their home with open arms. The end. 1.1091 0.02986 110 98 12 0
4129 And that is how we will colonize your planet. 1.1089 0.03115 101 90 11 0
4130 No, my people do not care for "mush", either. 1.1087 0.03927 92 84 6 2
4131 This Humbert guy is just like me fr fr! 1.1087 0.04221 92 85 4 3
4132 And they lived hauntingly ever after. 1.1087 0.03610 92 83 8 1
4133 I don't think this is working out 1.1087 0.03610 92 83 8 1
4134 Just so you know,Goldilocks was an intern. 1.1087 0.03610 92 83 8 1
4135 Let sleeping wives lie 1.1087 0.03927 92 84 6 2
4136 And they lived alienated ever after. 1.1087 0.03610 92 83 8 1
4137 and they lived happily ever after ... on Mars 1.1087 0.03927 92 84 6 2
4138 You're the youngest, so you get to stay and be tucked in. 1.1087 0.03610 92 83 8 1
4139 Alice realized Bill’s reading choices would always be alien to her. 1.1087 0.03610 92 83 8 1
4140 ZZzzzzzhhhh! MMmmrrrrrrrrrrrn!! Klck! 1.1084 0.04203 83 76 5 2
4141 What do you mean that I am not properly dressed for story hour? 1.1084 0.03434 83 74 9 0
4142 Now hows abouts I probe your ass. 1.1084 0.04203 83 76 5 2
4143 Slingo maboga exterminate chungo? 1.1084 0.04203 83 76 5 2
4144 Once upon an alternate timeline... 1.1084 0.03838 83 75 7 1
4145 I thought you loved "Gray's Anatomy." 1.1084 0.03838 83 75 7 1
4146 They called him Elliot 1.1084 0.04203 83 76 5 2
4147 Mind if I borrow this? The guys on the ship love diaries! 1.1084 0.03838 83 75 7 1
4148 It was a dark and stormy stratosphere ... 1.1084 0.03838 83 75 7 1
4149 Mom, what's adopted mean? 1.1084 0.03434 83 74 9 0
4150 You’ve been adopted by aliens. 1.1084 0.03838 83 75 7 1
4151 Trust me, these bed time stories will take you to out of the world la-la land. 1.1084 0.03434 83 74 9 0
4152 Tell me of this one you call "The Boogey Man." 1.1081 0.04112 74 67 6 1
4153 This will be better for your insomnia than the Ambien. 1.1081 0.03634 74 66 8 0
4154 Boy oh Boy has your government screwed up.. but don't worry your generation will save us The End.. 1.1081 0.04112 74 67 6 1
4155 Once upon a time, there was an apocalypse and Earth became inhabitable by humans.” 1.1081 0.02961 111 99 12 0
4156 Shall I read to you about the probe we favor before you fall asleep? 1.1081 0.04112 74 67 6 1
4157 And then the aliens from space abducted all the little boys and girls who were never heard from again. The end. 1.1081 0.04112 74 67 6 1
4158 Once upon a time, far…far…FAR away! 1.1081 0.04112 74 67 6 1
4159 You'll love it on the mothership! 1.1078 0.03918 102 94 5 3
4160 And all the children lived happily ever after in Never Neverland ... on 'Sentori 9.' ha, ha, ha. 1.1075 0.03573 93 84 8 1
4161 And so ends the real great replacement theory. 1.1075 0.03573 93 84 8 1
4162 And of course the alien conquerors didn't eat any of the humans, and anyone who said they did was immediately vaporized. 1.1075 0.03887 93 85 6 2
4163 Don't worry, this one isn't banned. 1.1075 0.03887 93 85 6 2
4164 Someone has a crush on Joey. 1.1071 0.04487 84 78 3 3
4165 I am your over night security ! 1.1071 0.03395 84 75 9 0
4166 oh yeah bud, your folks are 100% porking. $200 or more on an overnight sitter, and who knows how much on hotel, dinner, whatever… you don’t do that without a burning need to pork. now, unless you have another question, I Am A Bunny, by Richard Scarry 1.1071 0.04487 84 78 3 3
4167 Time for the probe, honey. 1.1071 0.03395 84 75 9 0
4168 This is another story about a dad not being an alien. 1.1071 0.03794 84 76 7 1
4169 Do they have COVID where you come from? 1.1071 0.04155 84 77 5 2
4170 And then the aliens revealed that it was a cookbook the whole time. The end. 1.1071 0.04796 84 79 1 4
4171 Shall I skip a few chapters and get right to the part where a fleet of giant asteroids collide with and obliterate earth. 1.1071 0.03395 84 75 9 0
4172 And then the evil earth astronauts... 1.1071 0.03794 84 76 7 1
4173 And that, Timmy, ends the chapter of how American conspiracy theories changed from fairy tales to other-worldly tales. I scarcely believe it myself. 1.1071 0.04155 84 77 5 2
4174 Is now when I tell him he’s adopted? 1.1071 0.03794 84 76 7 1
4175 The surgeon did AMAZING, classic WASP, you look just like one. 1.1071 0.03794 84 76 7 1
4176 What big EYES you have, she said, and what big TEETH! 1.1071 0.03395 84 75 9 0
4177 And that's the tale of Snow White and the Seven Probes. 1.1071 0.04155 84 77 5 2
4178 . . . and Goldilocks stayed home and never asked about the whereabouts of her parents ever again. The End. 1.1071 0.03395 84 75 9 0
4179 Says here you were on the swim team, eh? Coooooool 1.1071 0.03794 84 76 7 1
4180 I know my mom met you on OkCupid, but I really, really do not need you to read me a bedtime story. 1.1071 0.03395 84 75 9 0
4181 You see what happens when you cut the cable? 1.1068 0.03058 103 92 11 0
4182 Sorry dear, no. Not every abduction ends with the anal probe. 1.1067 0.04060 75 68 6 1
4183 Back on Earth, you might call it a litter box. 1.1067 0.04060 75 68 6 1
4184 And Timmy suddenly realized that his sitter may truly be from out of this world. 1.1067 0.04060 75 68 6 1
4185 Just a sec, I have to make a quick call... 1.1067 0.03588 75 67 8 0
4186 And, so, children never had to wonder if extraterrestrials really abducted people any more. The end. 1.1064 0.04133 94 87 4 3
4187 It's similar to the "Alien" movie made by you earthlings. But in this version the Sigourney Weaver character is slowly torn to bloody shreds until she can scream no more. 1.1064 0.03847 94 86 6 2
4188 It says staying in bed too long causes hallucinations 1.1064 0.03197 94 84 10 0
4189 . . . and the aliens lived happily ever after,having enjoyed lunch of human liver. 1.1064 0.03537 94 85 8 1
4190 Hotdog 1.1064 0.03847 94 86 6 2
4191 And the highly intelligent odd looking space travelers took over your planet and enslaved many of its inhabitants while they slept. 1.1059 0.03751 85 77 7 1
4192 Look I said I’d sleep with you but enough already with space invader suit. Now get back to bed. 1.1059 0.03751 85 77 7 1
4193 (In 2012) “and that’s what happened in 2020..” 1.1059 0.03357 85 76 9 0
4194 How about a few more probing questions? 1.1059 0.03751 85 77 7 1
4195 I'm getting tired of reading you bedtime stories about aliens. 1.1059 0.03751 85 77 7 1
4196 éÙ́šäê$阡ÚóÿQnï§jó¶GövˆÁÓå׳÷(¼a†¦…‡ hÂÕæ 1.1059 0.04108 85 78 5 2
4197 Then the Americans voted for 45, and the humans and aliens lived happily ever after. 1.1059 0.04436 85 79 3 3
4198 Thankfully, the story never was real. Now let's get you to bed. 1.1059 0.03751 85 77 7 1
4199 You want me to read you a human fiction? 1.1059 0.03751 85 77 7 1
4200 Don’t worry, we abducted the monster under your bed. 1.1059 0.03751 85 77 7 1
4201 Ok then dumping the pills and channeling the insomnia 1.1059 0.03751 85 77 7 1
4202 …..and then she woke up and it had all been just a dream.” So, you see there’s nothing to be afraid of 1.1053 0.03808 95 87 6 2
4203 And all the humans died happily ever after. The end. 1.1053 0.03165 95 85 10 0
4204 A Nostromo crew-member complains about chect pain and Ellen Ripley offers him a Tums." 1.1053 0.04008 76 69 6 1
4205 No scary stories tonight, Michael. Your mom doesn't want you fearing that something may snatch you out of your bed in the night and take you far, far away. 1.1053 0.03808 95 87 6 2
4206 We'll begin with how your parents came to earth after your procreation. 1.1053 0.03544 76 68 8 0
4207 and that is why being a humanoid for halloween is offensive 1.1053 0.04008 76 69 6 1
4208 And she was placed in an asylum for alienation. That’s a nice ending! 1.1053 0.03544 76 68 8 0
4209 ddddddddddddddddddddd 1.1053 0.03544 76 68 8 0
4210 Good night Moon, good night my hometown Mars, and goodnight old lady whispering “hush”. 1.1053 0.03808 95 87 6 2
4211 Tonight, Sofia, I will read the classic bedtime story, Goodnight Earendel. 1.1053 0.04424 76 70 4 2
4212 And that’s the story of how mom and I got you from your birth parents. 1.1053 0.04008 76 69 6 1
4213 Do you want a store before I eat you? 1.1053 0.03808 95 87 6 2
4214 And then half of the humans decided masks were a political stunt…hey, just like your parents! 1.1053 0.04008 76 69 6 1
4215 ET called home an told the family he was bringing home a new wife. 1.1047 0.03709 86 78 7 1
4216 For the last time: We're not intergalactic, we're from a higher dimension. I'm not even really here right now; you're seeing what is, to me, just a shadow. I don't expect you to understand. But I do need your help with one thing: What that mouth do? 1.1047 0.04385 86 80 3 3
4217 Oh Sorry, I thought you would like this book sweetheart, It is so earthy. 1.1047 0.03320 86 77 9 0
4218 Of COURSE you get a bedtime story while we abduct your parents!” 1.1047 0.03320 86 77 9 0
4219 So what did you expect, Good Night Moon? 1.1047 0.03709 86 78 7 1
4220 And that happy ending had it that all the aliens returned to their space ship and flight home -- except for the one hired as a nanny! 1.1047 0.04061 86 79 5 2
4221 Now, I'm not getting fresh. 1.1047 0.03709 86 78 7 1
4222 So, in the end, it was a cookbook. Ok ... sleep well! 1.1045 0.03765 67 60 7 0
4223 No, this isn't a 'Trick or Treat' gag. I really am an alien." 1.1042 0.03134 96 86 10 0
4224 Don’t be afraid. Your parents asked for Extra help tonight. 1.1042 0.03134 96 86 10 0
4225 And guess where he put the probe? 1.1042 0.04050 96 89 4 3
4226 ... The End ... of humanity. 1.1039 0.03958 77 70 6 1
4227 This isn't a kissing book. 1.1039 0.03958 77 70 6 1
4228 Once upon a time, people had sex to make babies, but when Jesus returned, all creation became parthenogenesis, and women were returned to full time homemaking duties as they belong. 1.1039 0.03958 77 70 6 1
4229 This story is kinda outlandish huh? 1.1039 0.03500 77 69 8 0
4230 Once upon a time there was a tv show called "The Twilight Zone".... 1.1039 0.03500 77 69 8 0
4231 It's a cookbook - How to Serve Humans 1.1039 0.04369 77 71 4 2
4232 Don’t be so glum, chum! 1.1039 0.04369 77 71 4 2
4233 And the little red riding hood said, my god, what big black glassy eyes you have Grandmother... Karla Chirinos 1.1039 0.03500 77 69 8 0
4234 If the results of your pregnancy test come back positive, we’ll return you to Earth, with our ‘thanks’, but with no memory of your visit here. 1.1039 0.03958 77 70 6 1
4235 If you think this is scary,wait until you go through the pubescent metamorphosis. We have a whole other book for that, and it makes this one seem like a laugh-riot. 1.1034 0.03284 87 78 9 0
4236 You know most of your Earth classics were written by aliens. 1.1034 0.03284 87 78 9 0
4237 This is one of my favorite classics. Let me kmow if you've read this before. 1.1034 0.03668 87 79 7 1
4238 I have to say, books don’t always have to be realistic to be entertaining. Take this one for example, where the aliens DON’T want to cook and eat you. Haha! Such whimsy! 1.1034 0.04016 87 80 5 2
4239 Flying Saucer? I hardly know her! 1.1034 0.04336 87 81 3 3
4240 I thought we could read a banned book together then we could help the Wokelibs take over the planet. 1.1034 0.04016 87 80 5 2
4241 No dear, I'm not the night nurse. 1.1034 0.03668 87 79 7 1
4242 This fairy tale is about a place in a far farther away galaxy called earth. 1.1034 0.03668 87 79 7 1
4243 “It’s called roll play.” 1.1034 0.03284 87 78 9 0
4244 I can’t wait until your people create a racial slur for aliens. Oh the day I’m walking down the street and a Larry The Cable Guy lookalike calls me a fuckin’ zeeble or a Martian. If I lazily get called a space nigger I’d be very disappointed. 1.1034 0.03668 87 79 7 1
4245 ...and that's how I met God 1.1034 0.04016 87 80 5 2
4246 Remember Scarlett, tomorrow is another day. 1.1034 0.03284 87 78 9 0
4247 Nooo... I'm NOT your mommy and I'm NOT wearing a costume! 1.1034 0.03284 87 78 9 0
4248 Don't be afraid of the darkness. I'm an alien, I'm a legal alien, I'm an Englishman in New York. Sting wrote my bio!! 1.1034 0.03284 87 78 9 0
4249 And thats why E.T was totally made without our consent 1.1034 0.03668 87 79 7 1
4250 Here’s one from my recipe book. How to cook Earthlings. 1.1031 0.03432 97 88 8 1
4251 And the little boy lived under the control of the aliens unhappily forever and ever... 1.1031 0.03432 97 88 8 1
4252 Once upon a time, there was a lady who got ghosted for the fifth time on an online dating app - which she deleted for the tenth time, this time hoping that she would find her one true love in a neighborhood Trader Joe's reaching for the same produce 1.1031 0.04009 97 90 4 3
4253 Get used to hearing about "The End." 1.1031 0.03432 97 88 8 1
4254 Don’t be scared; the wolf won’t be able to blow down the third pig’s house. 1.1031 0.03432 97 88 8 1
4255 I read you a story. Why can’t you sleep? 1.1026 0.03457 78 70 8 0
4256 OK, one more page, then take me to your leader. 1.1026 0.03457 78 70 8 0
4257 I AM Mommy. I just look different because I got a new hairdo. 1.1026 0.04314 78 72 4 2
4258 However, in space no one can hear you scream. The end. 1.1026 0.03457 78 70 8 0
4259 OK, so maybe this is not as scary as I am. The Itsy Bitsy Spider . . . 1.1026 0.03909 78 71 6 1
4260 And then they said, "this is what you do when you have too many books." Is this comedy or horror? I just don't understand you Earthlings. 1.1026 0.03909 78 71 6 1
4261 Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It’s not. 1.1026 0.03909 78 71 6 1
4262 You don't like "War of the Worlds?" 1.1023 0.03628 88 80 7 1
4263 I am going to stop now. This story is just too scary. 1.1023 0.03249 88 79 9 0
4264 --- and they all lived happily ever-after 1.1023 0.03628 88 80 7 1
4265 If I were you, I wouldn't read any further, things get a little weird. 1.1023 0.03249 88 79 9 0
4266 I’m an idiot, I'm a legal idiot. I'm an idiot in New York 1.1023 0.03628 88 80 7 1
4267 Russian tales from a hunter's diary- 1.1020 0.03399 98 89 8 1
4268 I'll skip the chapter about Matt Damon's trip to Mars. 1.1014 0.03661 69 62 7 0
4269 ...and then the ship returned amd returned Donald Trump to the White House. 1.1013 0.03862 79 72 6 1
4270 And they chose to blanket their bodies from the neck down, for they no longer existed. 1.1013 0.04261 79 73 4 2
4271 And if you tell anyone, I will get the Clinton Crime Family to suicide you. 1.1013 0.03862 79 72 6 1
4272 Don’t worry, it’s just make believe. 1.1013 0.03416 79 71 8 0
4273 Don’t worry, you’re not baby bear’s bed. 1.1013 0.03862 79 72 6 1
4274 And then, the big bad wolf said.... 1.1013 0.04261 79 73 4 2
4275 Well dear, that was only 51 Grimm,50 more to go 1.1013 0.03862 79 72 6 1
4276 …and thats when he said ‘its all ogre now’. Shrek is love, Shrek is life. The End. 1.1013 0.03416 79 71 8 0
4277 Then you age 60 years overnight and I stay alive but become an alien!! 1.1013 0.03416 79 71 8 0
4278 If you really want to hear about it, you'll probably want to know where I was born, and what my lousy childhood was like, and all that David Copperfield kind of crap, but... 1.1013 0.03862 79 72 6 1
4279 He loved Big Brother. 1.1013 0.03416 79 71 8 0
4280 and gooodnight cow jumping over the Goon 1.1013 0.03862 79 72 6 1
4281 It's a classic tale about flesh eating aliens that crawl into your brain through your ear canals. 1.1013 0.04261 79 73 4 2
4282 And Zarnov and Igbik lived happily ever after. 1.1013 0.03862 79 72 6 1
4283 And they lived miserably ever after. 1.1013 0.03862 79 72 6 1
4284 Kind of gives new meaning to 'Goodnight Moon.' 1.1013 0.03416 79 71 8 0
4285 Isn't this nice, how your decapitated body can work in the slave mines, yet we still find time for a story. 1.1011 0.03929 89 82 5 2
4286 Alice in Wonderland? Really, such imagination, Gertrude! 1.1011 0.03589 89 81 7 1
4287 Don't worry, Mommy is just in character for this book 1.1011 0.03214 89 80 9 0
4288 Surely you didn't expect a DNA match. 1.1011 0.03589 89 81 7 1
4289 The old babysitter was abducted. Get over it! 1.1011 0.03589 89 81 7 1
4290 God created us as replacements for Adam and Eve, but we were kicked out when we tried to decipher DNA . 1.1011 0.03589 89 81 7 1
4291 Looks like somebody didn't clear his engrams today. 1.1011 0.03929 89 82 5 2
4292 Cinderella and the Prince were transported to planet Gorgon where they lived happily ever after. 1.1011 0.03929 89 82 5 2
4293 Don't worry, there's no monsters under the bed. 1.1000 0.03180 90 81 9 0
4294 You’re still mad you didn’t stay on Earth? It’s time to get over it, Marjorie. This next part is phenomenal. Hold on to your hat! 1.1000 0.03375 80 72 8 0
4295 So if it's not science fiction, what genre is it? 1.1000 0.03375 80 72 8 0
4296 And that's how we abducted your parents. 1.1000 0.03551 90 82 7 1
4297 ... ... and then the humans believed! 1.1000 0.03815 80 73 6 1
4298 Part of the Universal Friends Organization is reading you a welcome bed time story so that you forget any of this ever happened. 1.1000 0.05046 70 66 1 3
4299 I'm here to be your reader. 1.1000 0.03375 80 72 8 0
4300 If you think that is scary, wait until we get to Yorba. 1.1000 0.03375 80 72 8 0
4301 What do you know! There’s an anal probe hidden in this book. How’d that get in there? 1.1000 0.03180 90 81 9 0
4302 Of course I’ll stop reading & we can watch RHBH 1.1000 0.03551 90 82 7 1
4303 Twas the night before Christmas When all through the house Not a creature was stirring . . . 1.1000 0.03180 90 81 9 0
4304 Since the separation, do you see me as a stranger? 1.1000 0.03375 80 72 8 0
4305 This description always freaks me out. 1.1000 0.03887 90 83 5 2
4306 Wow! this story is truly out of this world. 1.1000 0.03551 90 82 7 1
4307 And he said unto me, Son of man, stand upon thy feet, and I will speak unto thee. (Ezekiel 2,1) 1.1000 0.03815 80 73 6 1
4308 And then the child was taken to the Mother Ship in order to explore a new universe. 1.1000 0.03180 90 81 9 0
4309 ...and the girl got sucked up by the tractor beam, was eaten for dinner, and the aliens lived happily ever after. 1.1000 0.03815 80 73 6 1
4310 Your grandmother used to read this same book to your father when he had trouble sleeping. 1.1000 0.03551 90 82 7 1
4311 NO! I'm not E.T.! NO! I will not read you Goodnight Moon! Do you think I'm your Mom? 1.1000 0.03375 80 72 8 0
4312 You don't remember what you have read, uh? 1.1000 0.03375 80 72 8 0
4313 Should I read one more chapter or give you an anal probe? 1.0990 0.03302 101 92 8 1
4314 once upon a time there was a human race 1.0990 0.03589 101 93 6 2
4315 A hoary gory story 1.0990 0.03302 101 92 8 1
4316 and they lived happily ever after, THE END… of the entire human race. 1.0989 0.03147 91 82 9 0
4317 Thanks for paying the library fines. I’m a little bit of a slow reader. 1.0989 0.03513 91 83 7 1
4318 And they lived happily ever after in their snug house in Alpha Centauri. 1.0989 0.03147 91 82 9 0
4319 Once upon a time in the future, they lived happily ever after 1.0989 0.03147 91 82 9 0
4320 An infinite number of possibilities upon a time... 1.0988 0.03770 81 74 6 1
4321 How about a story of a little human girl getting abducted by mean space aliens? 1.0988 0.03336 81 73 8 0
4322 And then your parents learn to speak Glarnix. 1.0988 0.03336 81 73 8 0
4323 I choke up every time the governor flies the little alien to the nearest Goldilocks planet. 1.0988 0.03336 81 73 8 0
4324 But the third planet slated for parasitic fairy tale dissemination was juuust right. 1.0988 0.03336 81 73 8 0
4325 But Bambi still has Thumper! Right? 1.0988 0.03770 81 74 6 1
4326 Good night lamp. Good night moon. Good night alien reading a book. 1.0988 0.03336 81 73 8 0
4327 Goodnight, S/2003 J5. Goodnight, Ganymede. Goodnight, Callisto. Goodnight, Leda. 1.0988 0.04159 81 75 4 2
4328 And the cow jumped over the moon 1.0988 0.03336 81 73 8 0
4329 If you thought one was scary buckle up for this next one. 2021… 1.0988 0.03770 81 74 6 1
4330 And you thought Little Red Ridding Hood had it rough 1.0986 0.04089 71 65 5 1
4331 …and they lived abducted ever after. The end. 1.0980 0.02959 102 92 10 0
4332 Also, these, 'Once Upon a Time,' stories are true too. Sleep tight. 1.0980 0.03271 102 93 8 1
4333 Ok story time… luckily we understand the same language. 1.0980 0.03555 102 94 6 2
4334 I’ll let you know when to close your eyes and ears for the scary parts. 1.0978 0.03477 92 84 7 1
4335 And after the earthlings were freeze dried for transport to Zygort-9, the aliens lived happily ever after 1.0978 0.03477 92 84 7 1
4336 By the look on your face, you might think these stories were scary. 1.0978 0.03477 92 84 7 1
4337 Dad, that is a really lame Halloween costume. and , besides, it's way too early to dress up 1.0978 0.03114 92 83 9 0
4338 Sleeping Beauty does need a Prince you know. 1.0978 0.03477 92 84 7 1
4339 Of course it's a cookbook. Now go to sleep. 1.0976 0.03726 82 75 6 1
4340 You’re going to love this one; it’s out of this world. 1.0976 0.03297 82 74 8 0
4341 So they huffed and they puffed and the blew the planet to smithereens. 1.0976 0.03726 82 75 6 1
4342 I always love a bedtime story that ends with a happy alien abduction, don't you? 1.0976 0.03726 82 75 6 1
4343 My great grandfather was the Grim Reaper. 1.0971 0.03240 103 94 8 1
4344 You think I don’t look good!? Have you looked in the mirror lately? 1.0968 0.03082 93 84 9 0
4345 So are you interested in our extended warranty..? 1.0968 0.03765 93 86 5 2
4346 Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star" is just the beginning of the story 1.0964 0.03682 83 76 6 1
4347 Your parents are only screaming from fear. We are not doing anything that really hurts. 1.0964 0.03682 83 76 6 1
4348 And in a flash, Hermione was whisked away by the blindingly bright light from above, leaving Harry and Ron to figure out that $&@?!# Time Turner for themselves. 1.0964 0.04062 83 77 4 2
4349 It ends with global domination and we all live happily ever after. 1.0964 0.03259 83 75 8 0
4350 And then E.T. turned into Dracula. 1.0964 0.03259 83 75 8 0
4351 And all the good little boys and girls were beamed up and served for dinner. The end. 1.0964 0.03259 83 75 8 0
4352 And the parents were returned…exactly as they were. 1.0964 0.03682 83 76 6 1
4353 And then, in the middle of the night, they took the little boy away in their gigantic spaceship! 1.0964 0.03682 83 76 6 1
4354 This is a human story I hope it doesn’t scare you 1.0964 0.03682 83 76 6 1
4355 And then the wolf, dressed in alien clothing, devoured Little Red Riding Hood. 1.0964 0.03682 83 76 6 1
4356 Goodnight room. Goodnight moon. Goodnight crystal-powered death laser hidden inside of the moon. 1.0964 0.03259 83 75 8 0
4357 A fairytale out of this world… you ready? 1.0957 0.03726 94 87 5 2
4358 ... and then the lady-person was starting to get really sleepy so that she would be ready for a great new adventure... 1.0952 0.04015 84 78 4 2
4359 ....and everyone didn't live happily ever after! 1.0952 0.03222 84 76 8 0
4360 The end.. and now you say 'goodnight to everything and everyone in my room' 1.0952 0.03222 84 76 8 0
4361 Ok but remember our deal - I read 2 episodes of 'The Real Housewives of Urz', then you hop up to the ship for 2 Urzian probes." John Dischinger Yuma, AZ udm@earthlink.ne 1.0952 0.03222 84 76 8 0
4362 I know you don’t like the term ‘resident alien’ but that’s how it goes around here 1.0947 0.03688 95 88 5 2
4363 Fucked up, eh? 1.0947 0.03371 95 87 7 1
4364 And then the president continued: "We will not go quietly into the night! We will not vanish without a fight! We're going to live on! We're going to survive!" Today, we celebrate our Independence Day!" 1.0947 0.03371 95 87 7 1
4365 We thought we were doing something good when we created earthlings,but the experiment failed. 1.0946 0.03425 74 67 7 0
4366 Never forget Timmy, the important password to save the world is Klatu barab nikto. Lights out now 1.0941 0.03969 85 79 4 2
4367 I'll read this old book you found on my own, and go get a snack. 1.0941 0.03599 85 78 6 1
4368 I'm going to read you a story about why aliens make the best baby sitters. Because when you fall asleep I'll be in your dreams. 1.0941 0.03186 85 77 8 0
4369 Why are you looking at me like that Martha 1.0941 0.03969 85 79 4 2
4370 Wrapped and roasted -- now to find the right sauce. 1.0938 0.03337 96 88 7 1
4371 ...but then Goldilocks took a bite and the middle child was juuuust right! 1.0938 0.02991 96 87 9 0
4372 And the big bad wolf abducted Little Red Riding Hood and flew off to his home on Jupiter. 1.0933 0.03878 75 69 5 1
4373 Where I’m from, we call it “Goodnight Zorblax” 1.0933 0.03878 75 69 5 1
4374 Do I look like I'm from Del Rio or Delray Beach 1.0933 0.03382 75 68 7 0
4375 Honey, why do you look so pale? I am here just to read you a bedtime story called Age of Alienation 1.0933 0.03878 75 69 5 1
4376 Don't worry, hon, your regular babysitter will be back tomorrow. 1.0930 0.03558 86 79 6 1
4377 And that's when the Princess realized she was really a human left over from Human times and was now surrounded by Space Aliens, but she lived happily ever after in her Virtual Human Reality. The End 1.0930 0.03151 86 78 8 0
4378 I wanna be your victim,ready for abduction. Youre,youre an alien,your touch so—foreign! It’s supernatural, extraterrestrial, said Katy 1.0930 0.03151 86 78 8 0
4379 ...and the probe lasted two hours. And, hey! They include a detailed how-to in here. 1.0930 0.03558 86 79 6 1
4380 And they were beamed up and lived happily ever after in mars! 1.0930 0.03151 86 78 8 0
4381 How about an "Other Worldly" story..? 1.0930 0.03924 86 80 4 2
4382 …and the UFO invasion thwarted the Robot takeover, so everyone lived happily ever after. The End. Now don’t let the bed bugs bite. Lights out! 1.0928 0.02961 97 88 9 0
4383 What’s your deal? I thought you enjoyed bedtime stories 1.0928 0.02961 97 88 9 0
4384 We'll stop the quantum physics for tonight, but don't forget you take the ACT's in just another eight years. 1.0928 0.03614 97 90 5 2
4385 And the Martian overlords and their human slaves lived happily ever after. 1.0921 0.03339 76 69 7 0
4386 And they lived happily ever after on Saturn. 1.0920 0.03519 87 80 6 1
4387 I brought my favorite bedtime story, “Goodnight Moon Probe”. 1.0920 0.03116 87 79 8 0
4388 Our fairy tales may be scary, but they are so much better than yours! 1.0920 0.03880 87 81 4 2
4389 Just one more chapter, we're about to get to the part where the extraterrestrials abduct the unsuspecting human. 1.0920 0.03116 87 79 8 0
4390 You don’t mind if I turn the lamp on do you 1.0920 0.03519 87 80 6 1
4391 Kepler-1649c, 3013..."Once upon a time there was a planet called Earth..." 1.0920 0.03880 87 81 4 2
4392 'And after playing with their jolly new friends from exoplanet WASP-96 b they lived in fear and terror forever more. The end.' Now wasn't that fun? 1.0918 0.03271 98 90 7 1
4393 See my balls 1.0918 0.03271 98 90 7 1
4394 Of course 'To Serve Mankind" is apocryphal. 1.0918 0.03271 98 90 7 1
4395 You are finally old enough for a very scary story. It has lots of probing. 1.0909 0.03298 77 70 7 0
4396 So the universal question . . . How to serve man! 1.0909 0.03780 77 71 5 1
4397 Any request? 1.0909 0.02904 99 90 9 0
4398 You'll feel right at home with this bedtime story, sweetie. 1.0909 0.03240 99 91 7 1
4399 Honey, that haircut is doing you no favours, come down to the salon some time and I'll sort you right out 1.0909 0.04596 77 73 1 3
4400 I say, don't worry , the first night post abduction sleep on an alien world is always the most difficult. You'll adjust! 1.0909 0.03082 88 80 8 0
4401 And then they lived happily ever before. 1.0909 0.04208 77 72 3 2
4402 Once upon a time, tiny skinny men from far away came to.... 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
4403 It's again the "Read to a human week"! 1.0909 0.03082 88 80 8 0
4404 So you really did erase all ETs from your history -- I just had to see for myself. 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
4405 And Mommy and Daddy flew away in the big flying saucer and lived happily ever after-The end!!! 1.0909 0.03298 77 70 7 0
4406 Shall I read it on 1.5x speed? @hermine_dml 1.0909 0.03480 88 81 6 1
4407 « The sandman came, and all humans gently closed their eyes » 1.0909 0.03082 88 80 8 0
4408 And then he went home, the end 1.0899 0.03442 89 82 6 1
4409 More cowboy and Indians? 1.0899 0.03049 89 81 8 0
4410 I was abducted myself dearie. 1.0899 0.03049 89 81 8 0
4411 And he never got home 1.0897 0.04539 78 74 1 3
4412 In the end, humans destroyed the earth and everything on it. I’m sorry if this frightens you. 1.0897 0.03257 78 71 7 0
4413 Your parents weren’t wrong to trust me to babysit. I’d never plant my offspring down your throat until AFTER you fall asleep. 1.0897 0.03734 78 72 5 1
4414 Have you ever heard of the Kama Sutra,Billy? It’s like Twister, but even better! 1.0897 0.03257 78 71 7 0
4415 So that is how your planet ends. And no, I can't take you home with me. 1.0897 0.03257 78 71 7 0
4416 I am scared I’ll dream there’s a parent under my bed! 1.0897 0.03734 78 72 5 1
4417 … and that’s how life began in Roswell, New Mexico. 1.0891 0.03178 101 93 7 1
4418 And they were anally probed while living happily ever after...would you look at that? It says it's based on a real life events!" (Shifts uncomfortably in bed) "Who...urgh! Knew? 1.0891 0.03475 101 94 5 2
4419 You look scared, do you want me to change book? 1.0889 0.03017 90 82 8 0
4420 Your mom is not available for your nightly reading I'm afraid 1.0889 0.03405 90 83 6 1
4421 This is an old favorite of mine about anal probes, and I just know you're gonna love it! 1.0889 0.03405 90 83 6 1
4422 Once upon an anal probe... 1.0889 0.03017 90 82 8 0
4423 Glorp-pim, burwa-waa. Scarl-op, lop lop lop. Bwiiiing." The End 1.0889 0.03405 90 83 6 1
4424 Don't worry, unlike you, no one gets probed in this story. 1.0889 0.03405 90 83 6 1
4425 This is an excellent textbook. The drawings are very helpful. Do human kidneys actually look like that? 1.0889 0.03017 90 82 8 0
4426 Astrology sure is fun. Well enough of that I'm ready to travel to uranus now! 1.0889 0.03405 90 83 6 1
4427 to whom it may concern - i have drawn a blank on this one, literally cannot think of anything p.s. why do you always choose low effort puns? my ink caption was far superior to the finalists, especially that awful mother line 1.0886 0.04482 79 75 1 3
4428 It started as a by-the-books abduction, anal probing and impregnation, but, uhh, you know, something clicked between us, and that is how your mom and I met. Sleep tight, tiger. See you in the morning. 1.0886 0.03688 79 73 5 1
4429 Try to get some sleep. Here, I'll read you another story about being levitated up into a spaceship and being examined. 1.0886 0.03218 79 72 7 0
4430 Goodnight human, Goodnight room, Goodnight spaceships that go boom. 1.0886 0.03688 79 73 5 1
4431 And they all lived happily ever after in cruel servitude to their Zygorian masters. 1.0886 0.03218 79 72 7 0
4432 And once my plasma array is recalibrated, it’s Goodnight Moon. The end. 1.0886 0.04104 79 74 3 2
4433 And then Dorthey, the alien jumped back out the window from whence it came, and nobody ever believed Dorthey. 1.0886 0.03688 79 73 5 1
4434 And that, dear Jimmy, is where crop circles come from. 1.0886 0.03218 79 72 7 0
4435 Don't Worry! There's not a video or any Photographs. 1.0886 0.03688 79 73 5 1
4436 I'm going to skip the chapter probing, Charlie; you'll find out about it soon enough. 1.0886 0.03688 79 73 5 1
4437 Good night moon, good night doom. Good night ET, good night me. 1.0886 0.03688 79 73 5 1
4438 And then the alien took out the probe… 1.0882 0.02822 102 93 9 0
4439 Would you also like to hear stories of the other things the you didn’t think existed? 1.0882 0.04049 68 63 4 1
4440 Here's my favorite—Goodnight Earth—about how we defeated the human race. Knocks me right out 1.0882 0.02822 102 93 9 0
4441 And then their organs lived happily ever after. 1.0882 0.03465 68 62 6 0
4442 The best I can do is cross my legs. Can we continue now? 1.0882 0.04049 68 63 4 1
4443 This motherfucker. 1.0879 0.03714 91 85 4 2
4444 Not a bad gig for $15/hour plus all I can eat. 1.0879 0.02985 91 83 8 0
4445 And then the Earth children were invited to the BBQ.... 1.0879 0.02985 91 83 8 0
4446 It read, almost impalpable, "And the alien said, I don't speak human." She couldn't understand. 1.0879 0.02985 91 83 8 0
4447 When I was your age my favorite bedtime story was "To Serve Mankind." 1.0879 0.02985 91 83 8 0
4448 Preposterous! No planet in this galaxy has an ocean even 5000 leagues deep. 1.0879 0.03714 91 85 4 2
4449 I thought you invited me into your nightmare 1.0879 0.02985 91 83 8 0
4450 And so,no one came to rescue the boy who cried anal probe. 1.0875 0.03179 80 73 7 0
4451 And they lived kidnappily ever after. 1.0875 0.03643 80 74 5 1
4452 Once upon a time, my grandfather broke down in Roswell. 1.0875 0.03179 80 73 7 0
4453 ...and that's how we harvested the children and all lived happily ever after. The end. 1.0875 0.03643 80 74 5 1
4454 In a land far, far away...there were robots that did all of the work. 1.0875 0.03179 80 73 7 0
4455 I wrote the story I’m reading you tonight. 1.0875 0.03179 80 73 7 0
4456 Now that you’re nice and relaxed i’ll just go and get my probing equipment. 1.0875 0.03643 80 74 5 1
4457 For the papa bear, let’s use the voice of your persistently inquisitive uncle, the once round, once small headed one. 1.0874 0.03410 103 96 5 2
4458 Looks like you're motherless, so I guess I have to read you a story" Hibah. 1.0870 0.03334 92 85 6 1
4459 Scared of the bed monsters, aren't ya? 1.0870 0.03992 69 64 4 1
4460 Ooh, here’s a good one, ‘How to: Easy Step-by-Step Human Casserole’! 1.0870 0.02954 92 84 8 0
4461 I felt you might like a break, from, you know... 1.0870 0.03992 69 64 4 1
4462 Why do you think you were adopted sweetie? 1.0870 0.03334 92 85 6 1
4463 This is an encyclopedia of the most unique species known to the galaxy. Would you like me to read the entry on humans? It's only a few paragraphs... something more exciting? Let me look up the Kardashians, they've got an entire chapter. 1.0870 0.03334 92 85 6 1
4464 Do you mind doing some interpretation? 1.0870 0.03675 92 86 4 2
4465 Sorry, I meant to say 'b'anal probe. 1.0864 0.03141 81 74 7 0
4466 How about Good Night, Moon? 1.0864 0.03599 81 75 5 1
4467 OUR book don't call it a "special military operation"! 1.0864 0.03141 81 74 7 0
4468 …and after their colonoscopies, they all lived happily ever after. 1.0864 0.03141 81 74 7 0
4469 Well Lexington, that's the true history of Man, thanks to my Grand Dad who risked his life by jumping through the Great Golden Portal to populate this beautiful planet. 1.0864 0.03599 81 75 5 1
4470 You screamed, ‘Read 1001 storybooks first!’ Well, this is the last one.” 1.0864 0.03141 81 74 7 0
4471 And Little Red Riding Hood said to the probe-bearer, "What big eyes you have! 1.0857 0.03370 70 64 6 0
4472 ...and so, with the Earthlings finally exterminated, the Universe lived happily ever after. 1.0857 0.03937 70 65 4 1
4473 Next is a short story by my hero - Glyphnix. 1.0857 0.03370 70 64 6 0
4474 When I said I wanted an out of this world, spiritual connection with someone..this isn’t exactly what I had in mind! 1.0857 0.03937 70 65 4 1
4475 Don't worry. I'm just probing your mind tonight. 1.0854 0.03105 82 75 7 0
4476 This author's probing analysis must really capture readers 1.0854 0.03105 82 75 7 0
4477 Why did you say my taste in bedtime stories is Other-worldly? 1.0854 0.03957 82 77 3 2
4478 Anal probe sounds way more interesting than it read me a bedtime story” 1.0854 0.03557 82 76 5 1
4479 Do they fight like this all the time?, I can't even hear me reading this new Harry Potter sequel 1.0854 0.03105 82 75 7 0
4480 and then the scary Transylvalien after checking the temperature with a probe decided that his temperature was juuuuust right. 1.0851 0.02894 94 86 8 0
4481 Suzie wasn't too sure of her new Probe-ation officer.. 1.0851 0.03598 94 88 4 2
4482 We don’t say, “Goodnight mush.” We say, “Goodnight reconstituted humanoids.” 1.0849 0.02720 106 97 9 0
4483 'This medicine did really separate me from my alienated self - just on time for a bedside story' 1.0845 0.03324 71 65 6 0
4484 And they abducted happily ever after. 1.0843 0.03069 83 76 7 0
4485 "...and then creepy little spiders crawled all over the bed when she fell asleep. The End" 1.0843 0.03069 83 76 7 0
4486 And they moved to Area 51 and lived in Nevada happily ever after with occasional road trips to Vegas 1.0843 0.03069 83 76 7 0
4487 Goodnight Moon and goodnight Mars- do you want me to look up your Uranus? 1.0843 0.03911 83 78 3 2
4488 Have they got the virus out? 1.0842 0.03232 95 88 6 1
4489 And then my Spaceship jumper over the Moon! 1.0833 0.03598 60 55 5 0
4490 Ooops, the wrong bedroom, your name is not here. 1.0833 0.03034 84 77 7 0
4491 ...and that’s what’s really going on at Area 51. Well, sleep tight. 1.0833 0.03280 72 66 6 0
4492 ...after they were done with the humans the aliens lives happily ever after, the end 1.0825 0.02808 97 89 8 0
4493 And this little piggy went wee wee wee all the way to his home planet. 1.0824 0.02999 85 78 7 0
4494 Wait,did you actually think that we all wear the same clothes back home? 1.0824 0.02999 85 78 7 0
4495 Don’t be scared….it’s just my memoir…. 1.0822 0.03779 73 68 4 1
4496 I traveled 2 million light years to get here and all you humans have to do is sleep. And you couldn't even sleep. 1.0822 0.03237 73 67 6 0
4497 I, too, enjoy an existential crisis before bed. You a Colleen Hoover fan too? 1.0822 0.03779 73 68 4 1
4498 You seem stressed out. Let me choose the story. 1.0816 0.03136 98 91 6 1
4499 In the beginning there was light", woops, wrong book, "once upon a time when humans destroyed Earth" 1.0814 0.02966 86 79 7 0
4500 I'm the one that doesn't phone home or go anywhere but your side, remember. Now let's get on with your self-help book chapter for tonight. 1.0814 0.02966 86 79 7 0
4501 The Faked Moon Landing by He who Sees All. Once upon a time in a far off galaxy... 1.0814 0.03396 86 80 5 1
4502 Well if you’re going to be like that we can skip story time before probing time 1.0814 0.02966 86 79 7 0
4503 Yes, you know it! “And then the humans came to rescue her, and everything was good and right once again.” 1.0814 0.03396 86 80 5 1
4504 Sorry, E>T> story is not in this book. 1.0811 0.03195 74 68 6 0
4505 when your mother wants to read you a bed time story. 1.0811 0.03195 74 68 6 0
4506 BOOk got ya! 1.0805 0.02933 87 80 7 0
4507 Would you like me to stay here, or would you rather fly off with me to Venus? 1.0805 0.03735 87 82 3 2
4508 The kid says: Mum why your eyes are so large? The Alien says: To be able to see you better my dear! (Post Apocalipse interstelar human adoption program) 1.0805 0.03358 87 81 5 1
4509 Then your parents were taken to a world far, far away to live happily ever-after - oh, they aren't coming back. 1.0805 0.02933 87 80 7 0
4510 And that’s when Earthlings came and you took you on their ship” 👽 💙🙏🏻 1.0805 0.03358 87 81 5 1
4511 And then handsome alien beamed up the princess, and they lived happily ever after. 1.0800 0.03154 75 69 6 0
4512 And when you awaken, you will believe I’m your mother. 1.0800 0.03387 100 94 4 2
4513 And the ugly duckling lost all its body hair and genitalia, and qualified as a saucer commander…The End. 1.0800 0.03681 75 70 4 1
4514 Just thought somethin' by Steven Speilberg might connect ! ?" jk fuller. genoa, n 1.0800 0.03681 75 70 4 1
4515 The story, coming from its auto-biography, kept me awake instead of helping me fall asleep - a story about an alien abduction. 1.0800 0.03154 75 69 6 0
4516 And after the sex experiments ended, the human memories were deleted and they lived happily ever after. 1.0795 0.03693 88 83 3 2
4517 And let's continue with that cookbook we were reading last night. 1.0795 0.03321 88 82 5 1
4518 Would you like to hear the ending now? 1.0795 0.02901 88 81 7 0
4519 It's WAR AND PEACE for children! 1.0795 0.02901 88 81 7 0
4520 It says here UFOs aren’t real. Just your imagination. 1.0789 0.03114 76 70 6 0
4521 Goodnight moon, goodnight Wookie jumping over the moon 1.0789 0.03114 76 70 6 0
4522 I am quite sure this is a bedtime story you will not forget 1.0787 0.03285 89 83 5 1
4523 Aunt Dorothy, your stories really are ours of this world. 1.0784 0.02675 102 94 8 0
4524 You're gonna love this next story; it's out of this world! 1.0781 0.03381 64 59 5 0
4525 And all the little Earth creatures lived horribly ever after... destroying the Ozone layer of their planet. The End. 1.0781 0.04049 64 60 3 1
4526 Confused as to whether I must get frightened of you or my mom for staying up this late! 1.0781 0.04049 64 60 3 1
4527 Suddenly a human jumped out and transferred all the aliens into another State 1.0779 0.03588 77 72 4 1
4528 Yes, there used to be a country called the United States of America. 1.0779 0.03075 77 71 6 0
4529 This is the scary part where the Air Force wipes out the Martians. Should I skip over it? 1.0779 0.03075 77 71 6 0
4530 Then the human said good night moon just before crashing into it. The end 1.0779 0.03075 77 71 6 0
4531 Don’t worry … it’s not the “To Serve Man” cook book you saw on “The Twilight Zone”. 1.0779 0.03075 77 71 6 0
4532 hey maa,why aren't you wearing any makeup? 1.0779 0.03588 77 72 4 1
4533 And they all lived happily ever after”. The end. 1.0778 0.02839 90 83 7 0
4534 This is my favorite part. I don't want to spoil anything but you're not going to believe what G76♤□\v# does to 《¡{f6^■ when they're on their way to Zemulon 12. 1.0778 0.02839 90 83 7 0
4535 I'm staying right here beside you so none of those humans will bother you. 1.0778 0.02839 90 83 7 0
4536 History of the earth is very interesting . 1.0778 0.03249 90 84 5 1
4537 How about an alien abduction story for a change? 1.0778 0.02839 90 83 7 0
4538 And the last human child lived happily ever after—until she died. 1.0769 0.03037 78 72 6 0
4539 What do you mean, 'Why did E.T. go home?'? 1.0769 0.03214 91 85 5 1
4540 This is the best part where we disembowel our victims. 1.0769 0.03037 78 72 6 0
4541 And then the alien ate them, the end…hahaha just kidding. 1.0769 0.03543 78 73 4 1
4542 Would you like to continue reading The Bobbsey Twins, or should we talk about your recent abduction experience? 1.0769 0.02809 91 84 7 0
4543 And then he asked Ms. Haberman,“You know why Lindsey kisses my ass?” And the Senator laughed uproariously when he answered his own question, “So I’ll endorse his friends!” 1.0769 0.03037 78 72 6 0
4544 Oh, yes. Hunan's can mutate into aliens at any moment. 1.0769 0.03037 78 72 6 0
4545 …and the experiments she agreed to went very well, and they lived happily ever after 1.0769 0.03331 65 60 5 0
4546 And the alien said, “I am here to serve ‘Man.’” 1.0769 0.03037 78 72 6 0
4547 "Hey there, sleepyhead. Looks like someone's remembering more than just little bits and pieces." 1.0769 0.02809 91 84 7 0
4548 ...and that's the story of the Probe of Uranus. Sleep well! 1.0761 0.02779 92 85 7 0
4549 Sorry you’re not enjoying yourself, perhaps I should not have told you I plan to eat you when I finish this book. 1.0761 0.03180 92 86 5 1
4550 No worries, the humans don't get eaten 1.0759 0.03000 79 73 6 0
4551 The planet was destroyed and the aliens lived happily ever after... 1.0759 0.03000 79 73 6 0
4552 I'm here to read the Real "Goodnight moon" 1.0759 0.03936 79 75 2 2
4553 Well, yes, our guidebook for Earth does have many recipes for unnamed large mammals. 1.0759 0.03000 79 73 6 0
4554 My aliens are never going to believe I did this... 1.0759 0.03000 79 73 6 0
4555 I'm still your sister. All my friends are making themselves up like this instead of tatoos. 1.0759 0.03499 79 74 4 1
4556 Goodnight lamp, good night alien, good night moon. 1.0759 0.03000 79 73 6 0
4557 Turn back! Having you for dinner means they want to eat you!" The End 1.0759 0.03000 79 73 6 0
4558 Come on honey how long you gonna play this simulation 1.0759 0.03499 79 74 4 1
4559 Don't worry... the oven's preheating downstairs 1.0758 0.03929 66 62 3 1
4560 Yes, I have these dreams, too. But, I can call it family. 1.0753 0.02751 93 86 7 0
4561 Once i finally sleep, you become more real to me because my dream takes me to another world you're in. 1.0753 0.03147 93 87 5 1
4562 Actually, we kidnaped Little Red Riding Hood. 1.0750 0.03887 80 76 2 2
4563 My great,great,great,great,great,great,great,great,great, grandson came back in time to read me a bedtime story. 1.0750 0.02963 80 74 6 0
4564 And so, the friendly alien probed the little boy's parents, and zoomed back to his planet. The End. 1.0746 0.03871 67 63 3 1
4565 You told Mom that your last babysitter looked like a faux Alien. So, here I am. The Real Thing! 1.0741 0.03415 81 76 4 1
4566 Yes, this human biology text is very helpful. Now, Martha, could you please slide down you pajamas and hand me that lubricant you keep in your night stand, please. 1.0741 0.02928 81 75 6 0
4567 Twinkle … twinkle little star. How I wonder … what the f… you are! 1.0741 0.03415 81 76 4 1
4568 And under new King Zlurt, the earthlings lived happily ever after. 1.0741 0.02928 81 75 6 0
4569 Sure beats doom scrolling. 1.0741 0.02928 81 75 6 0
4570 And miles to go before I sleep...sleepy yet, or shall I read another? 1.0737 0.02695 95 88 7 0
4571 This is one of our Favorites . .It's Toynbee's cyclical theory . .about the decline and fall of so called Civilizations . . 1.0735 0.03815 68 64 3 1
4572 And goodnight sister who lives on the moon 1.0735 0.03815 68 64 3 1
4573 How about the series about my cousin Mork? 1.0732 0.02894 82 76 6 0
4574 OMG! Reading even in my dreams!!! 1.0732 0.03374 82 77 4 1
4575 In our world, it is your body, your choice. 1.0732 0.03374 82 77 4 1
4576 Let me tell you a nice Q story about politicians sucking the blood from children. 1.0732 0.02894 82 76 6 0
4577 Get used to it. We are here to stay and I need be helpful! 1.0732 0.03374 82 77 4 1
4578 „And nobody actually does anything?“ 1.0732 0.03374 82 77 4 1
4579 Okay ,but this is absolutely the last time I read about such creatures. 1.0729 0.02668 96 89 7 0
4580 Your human Cancel Culture has gone way too far! They've censored the part where I abducted Goldilocks aboard my flying saucer! 1.0729 0.03051 96 90 5 1
4581 I'm gonna take your book to my planet 1.0725 0.03761 69 65 3 1
4582 And they lived happily after never".. 1.0725 0.03761 69 65 3 1
4583 Oh hey! In case you are wondering, I don't just exist in this book! 1.0723 0.02860 83 77 6 0
4584 As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from uneasy dreams... 1.0723 0.02860 83 77 6 0
4585 WAIT Does not end that way. give me a penceil , PLS! 1.0723 0.02860 83 77 6 0
4586 Well, this book says that humans are just a creation of alien imagination. 1.0723 0.02860 83 77 6 0
4587 And they think they sleep trained you 1.0723 0.02860 83 77 6 0
4588 And then they died and spooked their enemies happily ever after 1.0714 0.02615 98 91 7 0
4589 You don’t have to worry about monsters under the bed; worry about alien’s intead and that I’ll be watching you as you sleep… 1.0714 0.02615 98 91 7 0
4590 …and THEN the sickly woman starts to believe her mother is an ALIEN FROM ANOTHER PLANET! 1.0714 0.02990 98 92 5 1
4591 And that’s how we came to enslave humans on Earth. 1.0714 0.02827 84 78 6 0
4592 Then we walked Sally into the spaceship and she was never seen ever after. 1.0714 0.03295 84 79 4 1
4593 And Goldilocks found one porridge too hot, another too cold and the third jut right. And in space we live in the Goldilocks Zone: not too hot, not too cold. 1.0714 0.03295 84 79 4 1
4594 Would you like the disturbing parts cut out? 1.0714 0.02827 84 78 6 0
4595 I don’t know why we can’t just watch Ancient Aliens 👽 1.0714 0.02827 84 78 6 0
4596 Once up on a time... 1.0706 0.03257 85 80 4 1
4597 So then the Mars alien shows his third arm but then the Venus alien shows his third eye 1.0706 0.03257 85 80 4 1
4598 That's the end. Can we snuggle now? 1.0706 0.03257 85 80 4 1
4599 We’re tired of the abductions. We now use mind-control stories that coax you to take up space travel on your own. 1.0706 0.02795 85 79 6 0
4600 When the people read the title, "To Serve Man", they discovered it was a cookbook. Want a bedtime snack? 1.0698 0.02763 86 80 6 0
4601 And he lived hypnotically ever after. 1.0698 0.03220 86 81 4 1
4602 And that's the story about the end of humanity! 1.0698 0.03220 86 81 4 1
4603 But she couldn't marry the handsome prince because on Planet FYI living happily ever after had been banned by the governor." 1.0698 0.03220 86 81 4 1
4604 Are you ready for lights out or one more chapter? 1.0698 0.02763 86 80 6 0
4605 You bug me to read to you! I read to you! You're unhappy! What part of 'To Serve Mankind' don't you like? 1.0694 0.03607 72 68 3 1
4606 Ignoring the pleas of her loving parents, Stella joined ET on his return home. But this relationship did not last, and she lived her life, naked and shoe less in an intergalactic Zoo. 1.0694 0.03017 72 67 5 0
4607 And I said I’m ready, I’ll aim, and I’ll use my lazer to take your house down. 1.0690 0.02732 87 81 6 0
4608 Your dad couldn’t make it tonight. 1.0690 0.02732 87 81 6 0
4609 I call it 'Unclothed Encounters of the Weird Kind'. 1.0685 0.02977 73 68 5 0
4610 Humans always get that wrong, the probing is in stage three. 1.0685 0.02977 73 68 5 0
4611 Don't read any stories about earthlings. Science fiction scares me. 1.0685 0.02977 73 68 5 0
4612 Okay, enough fun for today. We'll insert the anal probe tomorrow. 1.0685 0.02977 73 68 5 0
4613 Whaddya mean kid stuff? You‘re never too old for Mother Gloerm‘s Flurble Tales! 1.0685 0.03559 73 69 3 1
4614 « I thought 50 shades of grey sounded like something that would put you to sleep?! » 1.0685 0.02977 73 68 5 0
4615 This is 'E.T. the Sequel’ and should help you go to sleep. 1.0682 0.02702 88 82 6 0
4616 Bedtime story after an alien abduction. 1.0676 0.02938 74 69 5 0
4617 …and the young Prince lived happily ever after in his new home on Alpha Centari. 1.0676 0.03512 74 70 3 1
4618 You don't have to do that much, mom. 1.0676 0.02938 74 69 5 0
4619 You’ll find this a peaceful bedtime story.. the aliens won’t take humans from Earth till 2025. J. Kinsey Toronto, ON 1.0676 0.02938 74 69 5 0
4620 Once upon a time on a Planet far far away called home.... 1.0674 0.02673 89 83 6 0
4621 And then we humans came and kidnapped all you little aliens... 1.0674 0.03114 89 84 4 1
4622 My ink blots don't speak to me. 1.0674 0.02673 89 83 6 0
4623 And when she woke up, she realized, 'I'm the alien!' 1.0667 0.02900 75 70 5 0
4624 And they all sr^qatx~d happily ever after. 1.0667 0.02900 75 70 5 0
4625 ....and then they accelerated into hyperdrive 1.0667 0.02900 75 70 5 0
4626 Not to worry, my parents are very liberal and will be fine with a mixed marriage. 1.0667 0.02900 75 70 5 0
4627 You know, I put mayonnaise on a grapefruit once! But that's a story for another time. Goodnight now, little one! 1.0667 0.03080 90 85 4 1
4628 And the Trump children, Donald Junior, Eric and Ivanka, lived happily ever after. 1.0667 0.03080 90 85 4 1
4629 And then the martians came and took over the world. 1.0667 0.03080 90 85 4 1
4630 And then the little girl got on the Aliens’ space ship and flew away never to return to earth 1.0667 0.02900 75 70 5 0
4631 Don't worry, the boogeyman is afraid of me 1.0667 0.03466 75 71 3 1
4632 I hope you’ll give me a good referral. 1.0667 0.02900 75 70 5 0
4633 I traveled the galaxy to tell you a bedtime story. 1.0667 0.02900 75 70 5 0
4634 American Carnage, the 2025 Inaugural Reboot 1.0659 0.02616 91 85 6 0
4635 About these fairy tales. I have a confession to make. Edgar Zapata, Orlando, FL 1.0659 0.02616 91 85 6 0
4636 The end. Good night, sleep tight, Gretel. 1.0658 0.02863 76 71 5 0
4637 Who needs nightmares, amirite? 1.0658 0.02863 76 71 5 0
4638 An' seeked him up the chimbly-flue, an' ever'-wheres, I guess;; But all they ever found wuz thist his pants an' roundabout... 1.0658 0.02863 76 71 5 0
4639 (reading a sci-fi story) You should be happy!! This is just like books on tape read by the author!! 1.0658 0.02863 76 71 5 0
4640 On my planet we don't probe the children like on your planet. Now let's read a story. 1.0658 0.02863 76 71 5 0
4641 'Good night, room. Good night, exomoon.' 1.0649 0.02827 77 72 5 0
4642 After submitting to the alien overlords, everyone lived happy ever after. 1.0649 0.02827 77 72 5 0
4643 This chicken soup for the soul edition is out of this world 1.0649 0.02827 77 72 5 0
4644 This book was purchased for my biology class when i was a freshman. Unequivocally, there are more Apes out of captivity, living in cities, than living in captivity. 1.0649 0.02827 77 72 5 0
4645 Sleep paralysis diary: Today the alien brought their screenplay. First draft. Dear God no. 1.0649 0.02827 77 72 5 0
4646 This next chapter might be a bit gruesome for a muffinhead. 1.0645 0.02561 93 87 6 0
4647 … then your mom said “sure, I’ll take you to my leader if you do the bedtime duty with said leader tonight” 1.0641 0.03335 78 74 3 1
4648 I told you honey, once it’s spooky season, mamas costume stays on 1.0641 0.03335 78 74 3 1
4649 What is this thing that you are holding? 1.0633 0.02757 79 74 5 0
4650 Relax, if you don’t recognize me it means all the other times I experimented on you, the memory wipes worked. I’ll just sit hear and read until you fall asleep. You have good taste in books. 1.0633 0.02757 79 74 5 0
4651 Good night to the old lady whispering, ‘Hush’”. By Margaret Brow 1.0632 0.02509 95 89 6 0
4652 Lay, lain, laid in bed? My world, your world? Both are clueless. 1.0625 0.02723 80 75 5 0
4653 After I finish reading you the book, I am going to eat you. 1.0625 0.02723 80 75 5 0
4654 Don't worry dear. The after life is good for our library pass. 1.0617 0.02691 81 76 5 0
4655 My problems catching me late at night 1.0617 0.03213 81 77 3 1
4656 And that's why you never join a baby eating contest. 1.0615 0.03004 65 61 4 0
4657 Just one more time, Billy. After that, we have to probe your butt. 1.0610 0.02659 82 77 5 0
4658 Maybe this world is another planet's hell.” #alduoushuxle 1.0610 0.02659 82 77 5 0
4659 I reading you, “To Serve Man”. Spoiler alert … it’s a cook book. 1.0606 0.02960 66 62 4 0
4660 Actually I am your mother but my body has been taken over by an alien. One will soon take over your body. Now back to your book. 1.0606 0.03663 66 63 2 1
4661 And with that, the tractor beam retracted, the cows having all been dissected, and the curious farmer’s mind wiped clean. The end. 1.0602 0.02628 83 78 5 0
4662 Life back in my country was very different... all my 5 siblings and I shared the same room and it was half this size 1.0602 0.02628 83 78 5 0
4663 If you don't like "All Summer in a Day," how 'bout Poe's "The Raven." 1.0597 0.02916 67 63 4 0
4664 I told you, there is no alligator under your bed. Relax. 1.0597 0.03609 67 64 2 1
4665 And after the probing, they all lived happily ever after. 1.0595 0.02597 84 79 5 0
4666 Oh, I’m no interested in your leader. 1.0595 0.03101 84 80 3 1
4667 No, I'm an illegal alien and I just walked across the border and didn't even need my saucer. Now back to the story... 1.0595 0.02597 84 79 5 0
4668 Since your parents are out there,they asked me to put you to bed. 1.0588 0.02875 68 64 4 0
4669 In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth. And the earth was without form... 1.0581 0.02538 86 81 5 0
4670 'Goodnight, Area 51' always put me to sleep when I was your age. 1.0581 0.02538 86 81 5 0
4671 Here’s one that doesn’t even with human annihilation! 1.0575 0.02510 87 82 5 0
4672 It's the sequel, dear: "Good Morning Mars!" 1.0575 0.02510 87 82 5 0
4673 Blah blah GINGER blah blah blah blah blah 1.0575 0.02510 87 82 5 0
4674 Do you want Mary ate a little lamb,or old Mcgreger had a homeless barn? 1.0575 0.02510 87 82 5 0
4675 Do you know about probing? Ah, anyways, your parents will tell you when they get back 1.0571 0.02794 70 66 4 0
4676 Since when are you against a little probing? What suddenly I'm not good enough for you? 1.0571 0.02794 70 66 4 0
4677 This porridge was hot enough to vaporize Goldilocks’ end trails. 1.0568 0.02482 88 83 5 0
4678 Did the opening of my book scare you 1.0563 0.03409 71 68 2 1
4679 your mom is a lovely person 1.0562 0.02455 89 84 5 0
4680 We’ll save the chapter on probing for tomorrow night. 1.0556 0.02718 72 68 4 0
4681 How about 'Fhgnarlfblup the Trascender?' It's got everything - creation, existence, conflict, and confusion! You look like you've heard it before though. 1.0549 0.02402 91 86 5 0
4682 Now I lay me down to sleep..... 1.0548 0.02682 73 69 4 0
4683 ...and the extraterrestrials said her parents were tasty which made her proud. 1.0543 0.02376 92 87 5 0
4684 And they lived happily never after. 1.0538 0.02352 93 88 5 0
4685 I'll do your eyes if you get me one of your mother's wigs. 1.0526 0.03187 76 73 2 1
4686 It was the best of times. It was the worst of abduction times. 1.0519 0.03146 77 74 2 1
4687 I'm going to read you The story of the youth who went forth to learn what fear was. 1.0513 0.02514 78 74 4 0
4688 I hope you won't find the plot alienating 1.0513 0.02514 78 74 4 0
4689 I'm sorry about my squeaky, baby-doll voice. It's the only one I have. 1.0506 0.02482 79 75 4 0
4690 Don't worry, the only thing we'll be probing is your mind. 1.0506 0.03067 79 76 2 1
4691 I agree, this story of alien invasion of your dear Planet Earth is entirely implausible! That's why it is good bedtime reading, not as scary as real life. 1.0505 0.02212 99 94 5 0
4692 This bedtime story will probe your mind.” 1.0494 0.02422 81 77 4 0
4693 So reading doesn’t help you sleep ? 1.0494 0.02422 81 77 4 0
4694 We live ever thereafter, so the "happily" part is very important. 1.0494 0.02422 81 77 4 0
4695 The missing-time tool is currently broken, so I'm going to put you into a deep, deep sleep with this fantasyscape from one Dinesh D'Souza... 1.0488 0.02393 82 78 4 0
4696 Once upon a time,back when there were more like you 1.0488 0.02393 82 78 4 0
4697 Love the old school actual book, don't you? 1.0482 0.02365 83 79 4 0
4698 You're just having a bad dream...both in regard to the alien, and the popularity of FIFTY SHADES OF GREY. 1.0476 0.02338 84 80 4 0
4699 Do you find crazy Martian stories frightening?" Curt Wyffels Plymouth, M 1.0471 0.02311 85 81 4 0
4700 And then they took control of your body 1.0465 0.02284 86 82 4 0
4701 The End... Now do you want me to read Daily News again or would you like me to read something lighter like Animal Farm or 1984? 1.0465 0.02284 86 82 4 0
4702 Then, after taking their genetic code, they hopped back in their ship and headed back to Zerg, leaving behind an entire civilization in waste and ruin. The End. 1.0462 0.02623 65 62 3 0
4703 ...and that's how Donald came to be king. 1.0448 0.02546 67 64 3 0
4704 That is classic Geronimo Stilton 1.0444 0.02184 90 86 4 0
4705 And, laughing, the alien king gave the order to blow up the Earth. The End. Sleepy yet? 1.0441 0.02509 68 65 3 0
4706 Don’t be scared. Goblins aren’t real. 1.0435 0.02473 69 66 3 0
4707 I’m not a green monster, I’m actually an alien. I’m not hiding under your bed anymore to keep you up at night. I’ll read you your worst nightmares, instead. 1.0435 0.02138 92 88 4 0
4708 Did you wet the bed again, honey? 1.0423 0.02404 71 68 3 0
4709 Wow, I’d say 12 Rules For Life was ‘out of this world’ and this Jordan Peterson guy is a ‘stellar’ thinker!” — the MRAlien, who sustained critical brain damage on crashing to Eart 1.0405 0.02308 74 71 3 0
4710 You'll love this one... Little Green Flying Hood 1.0395 0.02248 76 73 3 0
4711 Yeah, your parents love YOU but they just find it difficult recently to love each other. It's not your fault Mikey. Anyway, 'Goodnight little hou- hmm? Oh yeah, we just kinda sensed you felt lonely. 1.0390 0.02889 77 75 1 1
4712 Aren't you a little plain looking to be reading Th 1.0380 0.02164 79 76 3 0
4713 This story is better than any foreplay 1.0357 0.02037 84 81 3 0
4714 Well, the captain of our craft said they're all like children, that's why. So, one night, deep in the dark woods... 1.0341 0.01945 88 85 3 0
4715 Knock. Knock. Who is there? A martian who? A martian who is on Earth as part of a study to probe Uranus 1.0253 0.01779 79 77 2 0
4716 Hey kid wanna see me smash my dick in between this book? lol 1.0133 0.01342 75 74 1 0
4717 Who remembers what God said about this! by Yun Jia 1.0000 0.01274 79 79 0 0