Contest #821


Cartoon

821

The winning captions

These captions are chosen by The New Yorker.

  1. “You shoulda heard the mockingbirds this morning.”
  2. “He looks ten years less endangered.”
  3. “It’ll fly off when he does.”


Name Value
Submission deadline 2022-10-02T17:19:00.000Z
Voting started -
Voting ended 2022-10-16T17:20:00.000Z
Finalists announced 2022-10-10T17:20:00.000Z
Magazine(s) announcing finalists issued October 17, 2022
Number of captions 5283
Number of responses 736497
Number of participants -


Dashboard

In this table, the "mean" means the empirically measured average funniness score when the "unfunny", "somewhat funny" and "funny" receive a funniness score of 1, 2, 3 respectively. "Precison" is the standard error of the mean, the standard deviation of the mean estimate. With that, a caption with an empirical mean μ and precision σ has true mean in the range [μ - 2σ, μ + 2σ] with 95% probability by the 68-95-99.7 rule assuming the responses are indepedent and identically distributed.

Rank Caption Mean Precision Total votes "Unfunny" votes "Somewhat funny" votes "Funny" votes
0 You shoulda heard the mocking birds this morning. 1.8625 0.01210 4539 1864 1435 1240
1 The ego has landed. 1.8355 0.01127 5448 2406 1532 1509
2 He does this every time National Geographic shows up. 1.8161 0.01368 3361 1423 1133 805
3 Ed’s single again, eh? 1.7756 0.01532 2545 1109 898 538
4 Witness protection. 1.7501 0.01440 2873 1304 983 586
5 First it was tail feather extensions and now this. 1.7345 0.01496 2595 1189 906 500
6 You're the one that kept playing Elvis songs while he was in the egg. 1.7341 0.01810 1798 832 612 354
7 Aren't we supposed to be bald? Like isn't that the whole point? 1.7250 0.01645 2142 996 739 407
8 Bet you can’t guess which President changed the national symbol to the comb-over eagle. 1.7209 0.01725 2107 1036 623 448
9 Ed doesn't get it — 'bald' is our brand. 1.7196 0.01699 2026 956 682 388
10 Ten bucks says he voted for Trump. 1.7178 0.01887 1825 923 494 408
11 Ever since the pink flamingo moved in downstairs. 1.7172 0.01335 3158 1469 1116 573
12 I know we're endangered, but at this point he just looks desperate. 1.7139 0.01693 2069 994 673 402
13 That’s a bold eagle. 1.7135 0.01674 2119 1019 688 412
14 You know it's bad when the national bird is in denial! 1.7130 0.02112 1366 668 422 276
15 Make America bald again. 1.7110 0.01576 2526 1263 730 533
16 It’s only worn for mating season and then becomes part of the nest. 1.7057 0.01880 1604 760 556 288
17 And you wonder why we're endangered. 1.7032 0.01479 2611 1248 890 473
18 Probably overcompensating for a small nest. 1.7011 0.01422 2907 1418 940 549
19 Pretend you don't notice it. It drives him crazy! 1.6986 0.01624 2130 1016 740 374
20 Wind. Wait for it.” 1.6976 0.01702 2090 1044 634 412
21 He looks ten years stupider. 1.6952 0.01460 2877 1454 846 577
22 His old flock is having a reunion. 1.6926 0.01473 2586 1245 891 450
23 He always flies south to Graceland. 1.6920 0.02056 1328 640 457 231
24 Wigged eagle doesn’t have quite the same ring to it, does it? 1.6839 0.01804 1737 852 582 303
25 Just flew in from Memphis. 1.6815 0.01477 2531 1230 877 424
26 He heard that bald eagles are endangered. 1.6732 0.01500 2482 1231 831 420
27 Wait til he takes off and the rug doesn't. 1.6725 0.01679 2073 1056 640 377
28 He’s having a mid-flight crisis. 1.6688 0.01461 2485 1207 894 384
29 Just give it one windy day. 1.6677 0.01650 1980 972 694 314
30 A toupee? It will never fly! 1.6651 0.01491 2535 1281 822 432
31 If that catches on, we'll be endangered all over again. 1.6648 0.01739 1829 915 612 302
32 He migrated through Memphis. 1.6640 0.01651 2009 1001 682 326
33 He says he's just an "eagle" now. 1.6619 0.01615 2079 1034 714 331
34 He also paints his talons. 1.6575 0.01486 2482 1250 832 400
35 Yeah, and he also just bought a Corvette. 1.6556 0.01631 2070 1046 689 335
36 Am I sure? Are you kidding? I can literally spot a toupee from a mile away. 1.6535 0.01903 1495 753 507 235
37 I hear he's running for office. 1.6515 0.01814 1647 833 555 259
38 Act like you don’t notice. 1.6486 0.01928 1366 671 504 191
39 He's got great vision, but no awareness. 1.6405 0.01984 1402 729 448 225
40 And he's getting a Porsche. 1.6404 0.01908 1538 806 479 253
41 Don’t be cruel. 1.6383 0.02352 1023 541 311 171
42 It looks great now, but it's a hot mess when he goes fishing. 1.6356 0.02168 1125 577 381 167
43 His ex left him for a black crowned night heron. Let him have this. 1.6281 0.01795 1632 845 549 238
44 And besides that,he got implants to lengthen his wingspan. 1.6242 0.02299 1059 570 317 172
45 You should see what it looks like when he’s flying. 1.6147 0.01913 1404 738 472 194
46 Last mating season, he had a mohawk.” 1.6145 0.01845 1660 912 476 272
47 He calls it a Mo' Hawk. 1.6107 0.01971 1369 734 434 201
48 I still hate him, but now I also hate his hair. 1.5993 0.02102 1178 637 376 165
49 Elvis has just left the nest 1.5957 0.02195 1076 584 343 149
50 You tell him. Most chicks dig bald. 1.5921 0.02124 1319 771 315 233
51 More like bird of spray... 1.5893 0.02336 1008 569 284 155
52 Should we tell him it's just a word, not a condition? 1.5874 0.02407 904 500 277 127
53 Duane's never come to terms with being a Bald Eagle." 1.5870 0.02068 1264 710 366 188
54 He looks ten years less endangered. 1.5865 0.02277 1098 633 286 179
55 He uses every part of the rodent. 1.5819 0.02327 1124 675 244 205
56 Yeesh. For this we struggled back from the brink of extinction? 1.5811 0.02695 709 393 220 96
57 We aren’t actually bald. 1.5785 0.02397 911 511 273 127
58 Quite a wig span. 1.5721 0.02297 1019 585 285 149
59 Wait—we're allowed to grow it out ? 1.5683 0.02609 820 482 210 128
60 You see husband material, I see nest material. 1.5642 0.02596 904 558 182 164
61 Just wait till he takes flight, we’re called bald eagles for a reason. 1.5638 0.02553 878 526 209 143
62 O.K., let's just go extinct. 1.5615 0.02666 723 421 201 101
63 Oh that? He ditches it after mating season. 1.5607 0.02449 881 511 246 124
64 Sometimes bald is better. 1.5585 0.02533 829 484 227 118
65 Obviously, he’s planning a flight to Memphis. 1.5562 0.02448 836 477 253 106
66 Don't yell, he's declassifying documents 1.5504 0.02651 794 480 191 123
67 He also had a beak job. 1.5447 0.02659 683 391 212 80
68 Just be grateful it isn't orange. 1.5431 0.02709 766 470 176 120
69 He's just compensating for those tiny little talons of his. 1.5411 0.02782 682 408 179 95
70 Identifies as 'Eagle' now 1.5407 0.02701 701 414 195 92
71 I thought the pompadour was extinct. 1.5394 0.02971 673 426 131 116
72 It's just Eagle now. 1.5390 0.02857 705 440 150 115
73 mating season 1.5370 0.02665 676 391 207 78
74 Should we tell him it's on backwards? 1.5359 0.02777 696 423 173 100
75 I took half a day off work, we hired a babysitter, you had your feathers highlighted and we flew 3 hours to get here and your not even going to ask him for his autograph? 1.5355 0.02809 676 410 170 96
76 He recently became an empty nester. 1.5348 0.02829 632 375 176 81
77 He says he wants to date younger chicks... 1.5314 0.02939 621 380 152 89
78 Is it me or does Bob seem a lot more confident lately? 1.5304 0.02732 626 362 196 68
79 Wait till the mockingbird sees that. 1.5292 0.02877 616 370 166 80
80 If this catches on, we'll go extinct. 1.5266 0.02973 564 337 157 70
81 He looked better bald. 1.5266 0.02823 621 370 175 76
82 Hey, it’s Avis Presley! 1.5260 0.03224 481 288 133 60
83 You're his father. You talk to him! 1.5232 0.02890 583 347 167 69
84 He thinks it makes his beak look smaller. 1.5211 0.02905 616 378 155 83
85 I'd rather be endangered. 1.5211 0.02844 593 352 173 68
86 Yeah, and I’m a mockingbird. 1.5202 0.03263 494 305 121 68
87 He says he can catch prey just by thinking about it. 1.5195 0.03188 564 362 111 91
88 You get one and I'm moving out of the nest. 1.5163 0.03220 490 300 127 63
89 Those aren't his feathers either.” 1.5152 0.03089 625 411 106 108
90 You'd understand if you saw the size of his nest. 1.5094 0.03064 477 281 149 47
91 I'd rather be a Bald Eagle than a Mid-Life Crisis Eagle. 1.5084 0.03186 537 343 115 79
92 I'm pretty sure it's a toupee. 1.5058 0.03122 516 320 131 65
93 Kind of dilutes our brand, don’t you think? 1.5051 0.03133 489 298 135 56
94 You scream liberty. He screams Liberace. 1.5041 0.03331 486 311 105 70
95 To be fair, he does suffer from Owlopecia. 1.5034 0.03259 447 272 125 50
96 Next, he’ll be having his beak done. 1.5033 0.03066 451 263 149 39
97 Actually it’s working out really well . All the mice and squirrels see him coming but are laughing so hard they forget to run. We’re eating like royalty. 1.5010 0.03215 491 308 120 63
98 Just don't refer to it as a bird's nest. 1.5000 0.03264 460 285 120 55
99 This is what a national identity crisis looks like." 1.4990 0.03021 505 306 146 53
100 I understand he just bought a Corvette too. 1.4990 0.03179 485 301 126 58
101 One one hand he’s no longer the national bird, on the other hand the chicks totally dig him. 1.4979 0.03117 466 281 138 47
102 I'm telling you, it's a rug 1.4974 0.03537 384 237 103 44
103 He's the president of Hair Club for Birds. 1.4960 0.03546 377 232 103 42
104 It’ll fly off when he does. 1.4960 0.03291 496 321 104 71
105 He's going by just "eagle" now. 1.4957 0.03290 466 294 113 59
106 Why does he keep saying “thank you very much?” 1.4954 0.03217 434 262 129 43
107 What’s next, a beak lift? 1.4944 0.03171 449 272 132 45
108 And all this time I thought he was gathering it to build a nest. 1.4941 0.03499 427 274 95 58
109 I never felt bald until now. 1.4921 0.03233 443 272 124 47
110 He hasn't been the same since he saw 'Elvis.' 1.4918 0.03317 425 262 117 46
111 Oh I’ll admit it makes him a chick magnet but it hurts our brand. 1.4913 0.03293 460 291 112 57
112 He calls it a mid-flight crisis. 1.4911 0.03238 448 277 122 49
113 He’s not only our national symbol, he knows all of Elvis’ songs. 1.4901 0.03186 455 280 127 48
114 Being called a ‘toupee eagle’ just isn’t as majestic 1.4895 0.03432 382 233 111 38
115 You know what's really endangered? Common sense. 1.4886 0.03537 395 250 97 48
116 Oh, him? Says it's species rebranding. He calls the look 'bold' eagle. 1.4867 0.03351 452 290 104 58
117 Like we all don't know he's bald. 1.4867 0.03362 450 289 103 58
118 He's just compensating for a small wingspan. 1.4864 0.03321 403 246 118 39
119 It's just disrespectful: we're bald eagles for a reason. 1.4863 0.03386 438 280 103 55
120 Being bald never bothered me before, but now- 1.4862 0.03183 434 264 129 41
121 And the worst part is, now he thinks he can sing. 1.4834 0.03466 422 272 96 54
122 I dare you to snatch it. 1.4824 0.03462 398 251 102 45
123 He didn't like being a bald eagle. 1.4822 0.03488 394 249 100 45
124 Yeah, it looks good now. Wait until he has to fly! 1.4817 0.03243 438 273 119 46
125 He's flying incognito. 1.4813 0.03159 401 238 133 30
126 Not even Darwin could have anticipated a combover. 1.4795 0.03476 390 246 101 43
127 Oh look who suddenly thinks he’s not endangered. 1.4794 0.03353 388 238 114 36
128 Yeah, but the chicks love it. 1.4792 0.03405 432 279 99 54
129 You'd think a symbol of an entire nation would be more self-confident. 1.4784 0.03448 370 228 107 35
130 What's next? A beak job 1.4779 0.03631 362 230 91 41
131 From two miles away, you can't even tell. 1.4770 0.03248 434 272 117 45
132 He's part of a flock that flew in from Mar a Lago. 1.4768 0.03548 409 268 87 54
133 I thought our whole thing was being bald 1.4767 0.03671 386 254 80 52
134 He just flew in from Graceland. 1.4759 0.03524 374 236 98 40
135 Yeah, it’s a bit much, but sometimes you just want to run your talons through it. 1.4724 0.03566 362 229 95 38
136 He just can't accept being a bald eagle 1.4717 0.03606 371 239 89 43
137 Well, it's either fake or evolution has rounded a corner. 1.4706 0.03561 391 255 88 48
138 Looking at it helps me regurgitate food for the chicks." 1.4694 0.03831 360 241 69 50
139 Actually that's my mother. She's auditioning for a role as a partridge in a pear tree. 1.4681 0.03677 329 207 90 32
140 Let’s see what happens to it when he actually tries to fly. 1.4668 0.03522 377 242 94 41
141 Pretend not to notice. It really drives him crazy. 1.4665 0.03354 403 256 106 41
142 He does know we're aren't really bald, right? 1.4663 0.03498 356 223 100 33
143 I talked him out of the orange one. 1.4657 0.03867 335 221 72 42
144 Everyone knows it's a toupee. I mean, we're bald eagles. 1.4656 0.03601 393 261 81 51
145 He doesn't identify as 'bald.' 1.4656 0.03594 378 247 86 45
146 There's still a bald spot. 1.4652 0.03255 417 263 114 40
147 Please, I know a bald eagle when I see one. 1.4644 0.03690 351 228 83 40
148 I’ve seen better weaves in a bird’s nest. 1.4643 0.03765 336 218 80 38
149 What part of "bald" does he not get? 1.4624 0.03883 346 233 66 47
150 Look who wants to be on the cover of National Geographic. 1.4624 0.03636 372 245 82 45
151 He's dating a chick half his age, too. 1.4615 0.03858 325 213 74 38
152 You don't need eagle eyes to spot that toupée. 1.4613 0.03764 336 219 79 38
153 He does a really good rendition of “Love Me Tender”… 1.4609 0.03552 345 218 95 32
154 Now women are flocking to him. 1.4599 0.03804 387 269 58 60
155 He just got back from Elvis convention. 1.4597 0.03748 335 218 80 37
156 That combover won't fly. 1.4595 0.03589 370 242 86 42
157 He told me that if the former President can, why can't he. 1.4591 0.03818 318 206 78 34
158 He summered at Graceland. 1.4586 0.03541 362 233 92 37
159 Did you notice his small claws? 1.4573 0.03879 328 218 70 40
160 It also comes in orange. 1.4572 0.03965 339 232 59 48
161 My guess? Mid-flight crisis. 1.4571 0.03433 326 199 105 22
162 He ain’t never caught a rabbit and he ain’t no friend of mine! 1.4565 0.04064 333 231 52 50
163 But underneath it all, he has the brain of a bird. 1.4559 0.03636 340 219 87 34
164 Now he doesn't identify as a bald eagle. 1.4555 0.03375 393 253 101 39
165 He's compensating for a small beak. 1.4551 0.03667 345 225 83 37
166 Turns out he really was bald. 1.4550 0.03512 378 247 90 41
167 He says it's natural selection. I say it's a rug." 1.4545 0.03675 341 222 83 36
168 He says it makes him look Presidential. 1.4537 0.03764 324 211 79 34
169 Just more proof that an apex predator can be a total moron. 1.4530 0.03752 351 235 73 43
170 He's flying to Vegas for the Winter 1.4522 0.03691 356 237 77 42
171 But can he sing? 1.4518 0.03572 332 211 92 29
172 Rogaine evidently works. 1.4513 0.03654 308 194 89 25
173 You're the one who wanted to nest in Memphis. 1.4512 0.03680 328 212 84 32
174 The cover-up is always worse than the crime. 1.4507 0.03971 304 202 67 35
175 Sure, he looks younger, but he’s still no good in the nest. 1.4502 0.03931 311 207 68 36
176 Obviously he’s having a mid-flight crisis. 1.4492 0.03906 305 201 71 33
177 Now he only hunts for mousse 1.4492 0.04095 305 208 57 40
178 Let’s see if it holds when he takes off 1.4484 0.03688 339 223 80 36
179 It's times like these that I wish I didn't have such good eyesight. 1.4470 0.03877 302 198 73 31
180 I prefer to go endangered gracefully. 1.4470 0.03877 302 198 73 31
181 Pompadourus vulgaris, if I’m not mistaken. 1.4468 0.04014 282 185 68 29
182 He Just Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest." 1.4465 0.03916 318 214 66 38
183 He loses a few feathers, and now this. 1.4462 0.03857 316 210 71 35
184 This all started after he met that chickadee. 1.4455 0.03731 312 202 81 29
185 He's never been more confident. 1.4452 0.03844 283 181 78 24
186 What happened in Vegas should have stayed in Vegas. 1.4448 0.03957 308 207 65 36
187 It really would look better as a nest. 1.4444 0.03761 324 214 76 34
188 Something tells me we’re migrating to Nevada this year. 1.4437 0.03818 302 197 76 29
189 He's not just a client. He's also the president. 1.4432 0.04270 273 186 53 34
190 At least he stopped wearing the jumpsuit. 1.4431 0.03675 325 212 82 31
191 As if we weren't endangered enough. 1.4422 0.04223 251 165 61 25
192 He just never was the same after his brother made the cover of National Geographic. 1.4405 0.03737 311 203 79 29
193 If his hair was blond, he could run for President 1.4399 0.04268 291 204 46 41
194 He snatched it off of Howard Cosell years ago. 1.4389 0.03836 303 200 73 30
195 Now, don’t be cruel. 1.4384 0.04028 292 197 62 33
196 It all started when he saw himself on the dollar. 1.4381 0.03591 315 202 88 25
197 Don't laugh. The last bird that looked that, won the presidency. 1.4356 0.04082 303 210 54 39
198 What annoys me is how he just assumes we'll sing back-up. 1.4354 0.03919 294 196 68 30
199 Since when does the symbol of American have a comb-over? 1.4349 0.03938 292 195 67 30
200 Who does he think he’s kidding? He’s as bald as the rest of us. 1.4343 0.04061 297 204 57 36
201 If you think THAT's bad, wait until you hear him sing 'Heartbreak Hotel'. 1.4342 0.04018 281 188 64 29
202 It's all because of his not so long wingspan. 1.4340 0.04067 288 196 59 33
203 It's weird. The more he preys on migratory birds the more he reminds me of DeSantis. 1.4334 0.04269 293 208 43 42
204 You have to be kidding; you can't tell? 1.4324 0.04265 259 176 54 29
205 Ridiculous! It is in our DNA! We are BALD eagles . 1.4315 0.04054 292 200 58 34
206 He’s gone incognito – too embarrassed to be the symbol of American democracy at a time like this. 1.4311 0.04209 283 197 50 36
207 He's the State Bird of Nevada. 1.4307 0.03958 274 181 68 25
208 He flew over the cuckoo’s nest 1.4307 0.04123 274 186 58 30
209 Turned 40. 1.4306 0.04005 288 195 62 31
210 We're bald eagles; he just needs to accept it. 1.4297 0.04075 263 175 63 25
211 He hasn’t been the same since he flew in from Graceland 1.4295 0.03847 319 218 65 36
212 He’s a bird of a different feather. 1.4291 0.04190 268 183 55 30
213 I hate those ribald eagles. 1.4291 0.03776 296 195 75 26
214 He wants us to call him "Elvis". 1.4286 0.03696 315 209 77 29
215 It doesn't matter: he is still bald. 1.4286 0.03961 280 187 66 27
216 And there's a jet black Camaro in the driveway, too. 1.4280 0.03918 271 178 70 23
217 He’s a bald ego. 1.4274 0.04365 248 170 50 28
218 It's tough to be single at his age. 1.4272 0.03662 302 197 81 24
219 Elaine...stop it! You are mated-for-life to me! 1.4271 0.04003 288 196 61 31
220 He got tired of being referred to as bald. 1.4263 0.03608 312 204 83 25
221 That's never gonna fly. 1.4259 0.04065 270 182 61 27
222 I hear his wife left him 1.4259 0.03892 270 177 71 22
223 That’s not going to fly. 1.4250 0.03991 280 189 63 28
224 He's trying out for America's Got Talons. 1.4235 0.04012 255 168 66 21
225 I told him Bald Eagles are endangered. 1.4226 0.04221 265 183 52 30
226 He says it's symbolic of the national mood - not accepting reality. 1.4224 0.04085 277 190 57 30
227 I can't wait for the bird watchers to try and classify him now. 1.4224 0.03955 277 186 65 26
228 I hear he's dating a Chickadee half his age too. 1.4222 0.04229 270 188 50 32
229 It’s a high price toupée. 1.4216 0.03882 306 210 63 33
230 He migrates to Graceland every spring. 1.4214 0.03988 280 190 62 28
231 That’s not all—he wants a beak job too. 1.4214 0.03988 280 190 62 28
232 Don't say anything. He thinks nobody notices. 1.4212 0.04096 273 187 57 29
233 If he'd done that in the 1700s, the wild turkey would have been a shoo-in. 1.4212 0.04063 273 186 59 28
234 Go ahead and talk to him; wise men say only fowls rush in! 1.4209 0.03976 278 188 63 27
235 When I told him I liked his hair, he said: Thank you...thank you very much." 1.4208 0.04293 259 180 49 30
236 ...and we're all suppose to pretend we don't notice. 1.4208 0.04115 259 175 59 25
237 It's not easy being his wingman. 1.4206 0.04043 252 167 64 21
238 ...not to mention the blue suede talons. 1.4203 0.04030 276 188 60 28
239 Until now I never thought of us as bald eagles. 1.4202 0.04174 257 175 56 26
240 Talk about a flying carpet! 1.4198 0.04186 262 180 54 28
241 The whole “bald eagle” trope was getting to him. 1.4195 0.03926 236 151 71 14
242 Now he’s back on the endangered list. 1.4181 0.03742 299 200 73 26
243 I've regurgitated better rugs than that. 1.4180 0.04524 244 173 40 31
244 I don’t think it’s the right look for the stamp. 1.4180 0.04147 256 174 57 25
245 Crapping on Elvis' limo was the highlight of his life. 1.4175 0.04820 206 144 38 24
246 After he grabbed it off of Trump's head, he had it dyed black and has worn it every day since. 1.4174 0.04386 218 146 53 19
247 He's been like that since he came back from his migration to Vegas. 1.4173 0.04244 254 175 52 27
248 Quite frankly, I think it dilutes our brand. 1.4160 0.04179 250 170 56 24
249 I heard that now he wants to get his beak fixed! 1.4157 0.04082 255 172 60 23
250 I call it 'the Big Lie.' 1.4155 0.04465 219 149 49 21
251 Shall I snatch it off his head, or would you like to do it? 1.4155 0.03782 284 189 72 23
252 Apparently he doesn't identify as Bald anymore. 1.4154 0.03951 260 173 66 21
253 More like a fauxhawk. 1.4142 0.03939 268 180 65 23
254 He says it makes him look more presidential. 1.4139 0.04331 244 169 49 26
255 The rare toupee eagle. 1.4138 0.03977 261 175 64 22
256 The real question is, how does he hold the comb? 1.4133 0.04422 225 154 49 22
257 … and that Porsche is leased. 1.4132 0.04237 242 165 54 23
258 Look, a ducktail on a bald eagle 1.4132 0.04029 242 160 64 18
259 Golden Eagle, my Aunt Fanny! He's as bald as you and me. 1.4129 0.04052 264 180 59 25
260 Obviously, he doesn't believe bald is beautiful! 1.4126 0.04032 269 184 59 26
261 He also got a really bad tattoo. 1.4125 0.04131 257 176 56 25
262 Plus, he just leased a Porsche and is dating a titmouse at least 15 years his junior! 1.4124 0.03945 274 186 63 25
263 No matter what he tries, he’s still a bald eagle. 1.4124 0.04012 274 188 59 27
264 How did you spend your covid-relief money? 1.4120 0.04396 233 161 48 24
265 Looks great, sure, but his aerodynamics are shot to hell. 1.4113 0.04380 231 159 49 23
266 It's a feather-over. He's bald just like the rest of us. 1.4103 0.04054 273 189 56 28
267 It’s mating season. 1.4101 0.03835 278 187 68 23
268 He doesn't think bald is beautiful. 1.4094 0.03973 254 170 64 20
269 I spotted that thing from a mile away! 1.4093 0.03905 237 154 69 14
270 He's saying it's real but wait till he dive bombs his next meal. 1.4089 0.03587 313 210 78 25
271 Somehow, "great toupeed eagle" just doesn't have the same ring to it. 1.4086 0.03957 279 192 60 27
272 He used to be a free bird and now he ain't nothin' but a hound dog. 1.4085 0.04407 235 164 46 25
273 Believe me, The rug doesn't match the feathers. 1.4084 0.04070 262 180 57 25
274 When we grew up being a “Bald Eagle” was a source of pride! 1.4083 0.04379 240 168 46 26
275 ...and I am just supposed to act like he wasn't bald yesterday?!? 1.4080 0.04173 250 172 54 24
276 He heard someone call him a bald eagle. 1.4078 0.04076 255 174 58 23
277 And yet people still voted for him! 1.4077 0.04392 233 162 47 24
278 The weird thing is, it’s real. 1.4077 0.04307 233 160 51 22
279 Now he's a symbol of American Insecurity. 1.4075 0.04176 265 186 50 29
280 Wearing it makes him feel like a bold eagle. 1.4074 0.04054 243 163 61 19
281 A few birders point their cameras and he thinks he’s a celebrity. 1.4071 0.04009 280 195 56 29
282 Well, someone's not going to be lonesome tonight!" 1.4065 0.03977 246 164 64 18
283 His grandma was a quail. 1.4060 0.04197 266 188 48 30
284 I think he's seeing somebody. 1.4057 0.04284 244 170 49 25
285 Pretend you don't see anything. It'll drive him crazy. 1.4053 0.04431 227 158 46 23
286 I'm all shook up. 1.4052 0.04094 269 188 53 28
287 It helps him pick up chicks. 1.4052 0.04529 232 165 40 27
288 He only wears it during the mating season. 1.4050 0.04021 242 162 62 18
289 Is that a rug, or is it evolution? 1.4037 0.03979 270 186 59 25
290 I heard he’s going to run for President. 1.4036 0.03927 275 189 61 25
291 Sure, he looks great, but he never flies anymore. 1.4036 0.04350 223 153 50 20
292 I just don’t understand our son’s latest phase, Hank - today he ate nothing but a hound dog. 1.4034 0.04153 238 162 56 20
293 He goes by "the not-so-bald eagle." 1.4032 0.03938 253 170 64 19
294 Guess someone’s having a mid-flight crisis. 1.4031 0.03726 258 169 74 15
295 He's a bold eagle. 1.4025 0.04157 241 165 55 21
296 I think it makes him look rapterous! 1.4023 0.04134 256 178 53 25
297 Just watch what happens when he dives for food. 1.4023 0.03985 266 183 59 24
298 Nobody notices his fake beak anymore. 1.4022 0.03915 276 190 61 25
299 Doesn't change the fact that he still eats carrion like the rest of us. 1.4010 0.04846 192 135 37 20
300 He only wears it to mess with the birders. 1.4008 0.04203 247 172 51 24
301 I wouldn’t wear one either, but he does look ten years younger. 1.4000 0.03934 225 147 66 12
302 Did he lose weight? 1.4000 0.04087 250 172 56 22
303 The only thing endangered is his fashion sense. 1.4000 0.03940 245 164 64 17
304 One look at him and you feel a whole lot better about bald. 1.3991 0.04299 233 162 49 22
305 Well, that didn't stay in Vegas. 1.3984 0.04190 251 176 50 25
306 There’s something different about Eugene since he got back from Las Vegas. 1.3982 0.04116 226 152 58 16
307 He's been this way since he migrated to Graceland last winter. 1.3977 0.04021 259 179 57 23
308 And his Tinder profile says he's 6' 2". 1.3973 0.04376 224 156 47 21
309 Don't let the comb-over fool you. That's a bald EGO. 1.3968 0.04176 252 177 50 25
310 You laugh, but he's a chick magnet. 1.3966 0.04201 237 164 52 21
311 First the comb over. Next he'll be saying the election was stolen.., 1.3966 0.04529 237 172 36 29
312 He is compensating for the size of his beak. 1.3962 0.04045 260 181 55 24
313 Looks like the hawks made another bald joke. 1.3960 0.04200 250 176 49 25
314 You make one nature documentary and then you go full Hollywood. I mean, really. 1.3957 0.04064 230 155 59 16
315 Elvis is in the treehouse! 1.3957 0.04335 230 161 47 22
316 He's moving to Vegas. 1.3956 0.03729 273 184 70 19
317 And, he bought a convertible. 1.3955 0.03886 268 184 62 22
318 He claims it's a mutation. 1.3955 0.04288 220 151 51 18
319 I fuckin’ hate that guy. 1.3950 0.04906 200 145 31 24
320 He’s one of those trophy husbands. 1.3945 0.04315 218 150 50 18
321 How does it not fly off? 1.3943 0.03965 246 167 61 18
322 You know who should be endangered? His stylist. 1.3943 0.04169 246 172 51 23
323 Gary doesn't identify as a Bald Eagle. 1.3941 0.04430 203 139 48 16
324 Would you explain to him we’re called Bald Eagles for a reason? 1.3941 0.04697 203 144 38 21
325 When he flies now, his wings aren’t the only thing that flaps.” 1.3932 0.04437 206 142 47 17
326 He thought he saw a "National Geographic" camera near his nest. 1.3930 0.04302 229 160 48 21
327 Well at least he's trying to do something about it! 1.3929 0.04363 196 132 51 13
328 He heard they are recasting the Presidential Seal. 1.3929 0.04278 224 155 50 19
329 I told him I would never date another bald eagle. 1.3927 0.04200 219 149 54 16
330 Aren’t we bald eagles? 1.3926 0.04037 270 191 52 27
331 I can't criticize him. He's a protected species. 1.3926 0.03833 242 161 67 14
332 I hear they can transplant it right from your tailfeathers now 1.3925 0.04648 186 128 43 15
333 Does he not understand what it means to be a Bald Eagle? 1.3924 0.04197 237 165 51 21
334 This is why we should change our name to "Bold Eagles." 1.3923 0.04391 209 144 48 17
335 Now that’s a hunk a hunk of Burning Dove 1.3923 0.04646 209 149 38 22
336 He's not my son, he's OUR son. And who the hell is this "Elvis"? 1.3922 0.04626 204 144 40 20
337 He says he wants to make this tree great again. 1.3920 0.04118 250 175 52 23
338 He was put into a protection program. 1.3907 0.04403 215 150 46 19
339 Locks for flocks? 1.3902 0.04172 205 137 56 12
340 Toupee, wig, comb-over - at least he's not BALD! 1.3897 0.04330 213 147 49 17
341 You should hear him sing "Love Me Tender." 1.3894 0.04584 208 150 36 22
342 Whatever happened to “Bald is beautiful”? 1.3894 0.04293 226 158 48 20
343 'He's running for Congress.' 1.3892 0.04718 167 113 43 11
344 Clear case of Bird Brain" 1.3889 0.04337 216 150 48 18
345 First, the Eagles cover band, now he thinks he Elvis? 1.3886 0.04409 211 147 46 18
346 New species" my ass 1.3886 0.04510 211 149 42 20
347 Ever since he got it,he thinks he thinks he’s Liberace. 1.3881 0.04577 219 158 37 24
348 Wait 'till you see his blue suede talons. 1.3876 0.04385 209 145 47 17
349 Well, it's better than the orange one. 1.3875 0.04318 240 172 43 25
350 I’m totally stealing that for my nest. 1.3865 0.04252 207 141 52 14
351 It’s amazing what you can do with a slug! 1.3865 0.04622 207 148 38 21
352 He needs something to set himself apart on Tinder. Everybody poses holding a fish. 1.3864 0.04758 176 122 40 14
353 If that catches on, no way we stay on the silver dollar. 1.3860 0.04591 215 155 37 23
354 He’s Hair Force One. 1.3857 0.04522 210 149 41 20
355 i think he looked better with a mohawk 1.3855 0.04239 249 179 44 26
356 As if that will make him any less endangered. 1.3854 0.04049 205 136 59 10
357 Rogaine eagle 1.3853 0.04401 218 154 44 20
358 I thought the same thing until he sang " Blue Suede Shoes"' 1.3853 0.04103 218 148 56 14
359 It’s Elvis Birdsley. He is alive. 1.3850 0.04379 226 161 43 22
360 Well, from behind he looks like a turkey. 1.3846 0.04552 208 148 40 20
361 Yeah, but what's more American than an Elvis impersonator? 1.3846 0.04094 234 162 54 18
362 I know we're not "bald," but he took it to heart. 1.3843 0.04424 229 165 40 24
363 I don’t have the heart to tell him it’s a merkin. 1.3838 0.04826 198 144 32 22
364 He hasn't been the same since he flew into that window. 1.3837 0.04089 245 172 52 21
365 Being a Bald Eagle got to him after a while. 1.3836 0.04163 232 162 51 19
366 I told him I saw David Attenborough a couple miles away. 1.3830 0.04412 188 128 48 12
367 He is going incognito with the new species protection program. 1.3826 0.04187 230 161 50 19
368 Well Franklin finally got his wish: Our national bird is a turkey. 1.3825 0.04508 217 156 39 22
369 Well that clinches it. He’s a bald eagle. 1.3825 0.04460 217 155 41 21
370 He really thinks no one will notice. 1.3822 0.04252 225 158 48 19
371 I bet he’s also taking those little blue seeds. 1.3820 0.04781 178 125 38 15
372 Does *he* know that we *all* know? 1.3814 0.04441 215 153 42 20
373 This is clearly just about bald shaming. 1.3812 0.04463 223 161 39 23
374 At least it's not orange. 1.3810 0.04362 210 147 46 17
375 Apparently he thinks it will be easier for him to get younger chicks. 1.3805 0.04190 226 158 50 18
376 Look who thinks he is going to be on the new dollar bill! 1.3805 0.04143 226 157 52 17
377 It’s not Elvis, it’s Hairy Styles. 1.3803 0.04178 234 165 49 20
378 I heard he had a mid-flight crisis... 1.3801 0.05256 171 126 25 20
379 To think chicks fall for that! 1.3799 0.04242 229 162 47 20
380 He's been having an identity crisis. Last week he was watching me like a hawk. 1.3797 0.04096 237 166 52 19
381 What's next. Botox? 1.3791 0.04499 211 151 40 20
382 Tacky? Yes. But beats that pathetic comb-over he had before. 1.3785 0.04244 251 183 41 27
383 And he wonders why he's only meeting cockatoos. 1.3778 0.04993 180 131 30 19
384 He thinks “ bald eagle “ is a stereotype . 1.3776 0.04220 196 133 52 11
385 Next, it's the red sports car and the Viagra. 1.3775 0.04555 204 146 39 19
386 Like he's not bald. 1.3775 0.04502 204 145 41 18
387 A haired-brain idea if I ever saw one. 1.3770 0.04228 191 129 52 10
388 He thinks it will improve his chances in the next election. 1.3767 0.04457 223 162 38 23
389 He said he wants to make eagles great again. 1.3764 0.04839 178 127 35 16
390 He thinks it makes him look less endangered. 1.3757 0.04255 189 128 51 10
391 Elvis has left the nest. 1.3756 0.04500 197 139 42 16
392 Different species. We're Haliaeetus leucocephalus. He's Haliaeetus trumpus. 1.3756 0.04430 205 145 43 17
393 It looks great but flying and swimming are out. 1.3756 0.04430 205 145 43 17
394 You call it a feather in his cap. I call it a comb over. 1.3750 0.04908 184 134 31 19
395 Just hope he doesn't start Tweeting again. 1.3750 0.04827 168 118 37 13
396 He's going to make us great again. 1.3750 0.04917 160 112 36 12
397 He says he got the idea from some former American president. 1.3750 0.04531 184 128 43 13
398 Yeah but does the carpet match the drapes? 1.3744 0.04689 211 156 31 24
399 It'll never fly. 1.3744 0.04349 203 142 46 15
400 I still think bald is beautiful. 1.3743 0.04408 179 122 47 10
401 It’s not enough he’s an apex predator. He thinks he’s the King 1.3737 0.04554 190 134 41 15
402 Personally, I think bald is a plus. 1.3736 0.04496 182 126 44 12
403 Wait till you hear him sing. 1.3732 0.04260 209 146 48 15
404 He agreed to not get the orange model 1.3731 0.04433 201 142 43 16
405 And he's been crapping on sports cars. 1.3730 0.04639 185 131 39 15
406 Hey mom, what's with dad? 1.3725 0.04549 204 147 38 19
407 Elvis has entered the tree. 1.3724 0.04454 196 138 43 15
408 toupee or not toupee?... that, my feathered friend, is the question. 1.3723 0.04523 188 132 42 14
409 I'm just saying he 'looks' like Ron DeSantis. 1.3722 0.04794 180 129 35 16
410 He was tired of the bald jokes. 1.3722 0.04313 223 160 43 20
411 I heard he had a beak job too. 1.3721 0.04954 172 124 32 16
412 That's nothing ... wait till you see his Blue Suede Shoes ... 1.3721 0.04279 215 152 46 17
413 He found it outside a chapel in Las Vegas. 1.3719 0.04406 199 140 44 15
414 It's good. I didn't notice it until you pointed it out. 1.3718 0.05081 156 111 32 13
415 Yeah, his wife migrated with a younger bird. 1.3717 0.04473 191 134 43 14
416 He's got an audition later on. 1.3714 0.04297 210 148 46 16
417 I heard he dropped the “bald” and goes only by “eagle” now 1.3713 0.04525 202 145 39 18
418 He spent our entire nest egg on that ridiculous toupee. 1.3711 0.05012 159 113 33 13
419 I don't like how we are evolving. 1.3710 0.04046 221 153 54 14
420 He says the chicks love it. 1.3710 0.04681 186 133 37 16
421 You know he's seeing a cockatoo since the divorce? 1.3709 0.04201 213 149 49 15
422 He says he doesn't identify as a "bald eagle." 1.3687 0.04178 198 136 51 11
423 He's auditioning for the Flying Elvises. 1.3687 0.04643 198 144 35 19
424 I had never heard of Hair Club for Birds either. 1.3684 0.04999 152 107 34 11
425 At least it's better than his Beatles phase. 1.3679 0.04367 212 152 42 18
426 I just don't want to be flying behind him if he gets going too fast. 1.3679 0.04367 212 152 42 18
427 ...I want a divorce 1.3676 0.04379 204 145 43 16
428 Does anyone know when he started thinking he was Liberace? 1.3676 0.04434 204 146 41 17
429 He's auditioning tomorrow for the new quarter. 1.3676 0.04437 185 129 44 12
430 I could tell it was fake from two miles away. 1.3673 0.04562 196 141 38 17
431 I could spot that thing from a mile away. 1.3665 0.04403 191 134 44 13
432 It’s called a cocka-toupee. 1.3663 0.04352 202 143 44 15
433 Rogaine Eagle just doesn’t sound right. 1.3660 0.05143 153 110 30 13
434 I hate to admit it, but he's really pulling it off. 1.3659 0.04416 205 147 41 17
435 Looks like another mid-flight crisis. 1.3655 0.04485 197 141 40 16
436 It's just a preen-over. 1.3649 0.04325 211 151 43 17
437 Next week, an earring. 1.3648 0.05310 159 118 24 17
438 It’s the goddamned comb-over that ruffles my feathers … 1.3645 0.04043 203 139 54 10
439 Did he ask you for a comb, too? 1.3642 0.05012 162 117 31 14
440 You should see all the documents he's hoarding in the nest. 1.3641 0.04953 184 137 27 20
441 He just never caught on that Bald is beautiful! 1.3641 0.04137 217 153 49 15
442 There goes the presidential seal. 1.3636 0.04148 220 156 48 16
443 He has no choice—he’s mascot for a car dealer. 1.3636 0.04771 154 107 38 9
444 It’s part of our name for crying out loud 1.3632 0.04530 201 146 37 18
445 I said he looks like Elvis and it ruffled his feathers! 1.3631 0.04667 179 128 37 14
446 Trump supporter. 1.3631 0.04881 168 121 33 14
447 He’s going to get himself shot. 1.3631 0.05025 168 123 29 16
448 I don't want to be behind him in the V when that thing flies off. 1.3628 0.04415 215 157 38 20
449 We’ll know it’s more than a fad if it shows up on U.S. currency. 1.3627 0.04487 193 138 40 15
450 I'm sayin' he sounds just like him. Wait'll ya hear 'Jailhouse Flock' 1.3622 0.04494 185 131 41 13
451 He said he just wants to identify as "eagle." 1.3620 0.05061 163 119 29 15
452 In my day you'd mate for life and let yourself go. 1.3618 0.04332 199 141 44 14
453 Elvis Shmelvis, I still think he looks more like Liberace! 1.3613 0.04638 191 139 35 17
454 My cousin is from Nashville. 1.3611 0.04398 216 158 38 20
455 He just flew in from Vegas. One night only. 1.3608 0.04468 194 139 40 15
456 He gets it done the same place as Donald Trump. 1.3604 0.04758 197 147 29 21
457 Feather transplants would have looked better. 1.3602 0.04342 186 130 45 11
458 I told him to fetch some hare. 1.3600 0.04873 175 128 31 16
459 I know he looks ridiculous, mom, but he's rich. 1.3600 0.04667 175 125 37 13
460 Not the hare I asked for. 1.3600 0.04873 175 128 31 16
461 If this catches on, we really will be extinct. 1.3598 0.04487 189 135 40 14
462 He doesn’t even know it’s called a ducktail. 1.3598 0.05035 164 120 29 15
463 Apparently, the Elvis has landed. 1.3596 0.04326 203 145 43 15
464 I’m just saying, he’s got a lot of nerve still identifying as Bald. 1.3596 0.04679 178 128 36 14
465 He's in witness protection. 1.3590 0.04566 195 142 36 17
466 His motto is 'live free and dye'. 1.3586 0.04161 198 138 49 11
467 I just can’t figure out how he puts it on in the mornings… 1.3585 0.04990 159 115 31 13
468 Isn’t that a toucan toupee? 1.3584 0.04912 173 127 30 16
469 The toupee is for his Tinder profile pic 1.3582 0.04411 201 145 40 16
470 He's got a crush on a cockatoo. 1.3582 0.04467 201 146 38 17
471 He thinks it will attract prey. 1.3580 0.05226 162 121 24 17
472 He's just fucking with the bird watchers. 1.3580 0.04645 176 126 37 13
473 He’s from Jersey. 1.3575 0.04658 179 129 36 14
474 He totally misunderstands the glory of being a Bald Eagle!! 1.3575 0.04264 207 148 44 15
475 I can't define 'metrosexual,' but I know one when I see one. 1.3571 0.04847 154 109 35 10
476 The once endangered toupée is making a comeback.” 1.3568 0.04549 185 133 38 14
477 Apparently, he got the idea whilst flying over an Elton John concert … 1.3567 0.04514 171 120 41 10
478 I'll bet it's not real feathers. 1.3564 0.04304 188 132 45 11
479 You don't need an eagle eye to spot that. 1.3562 0.04551 160 111 41 8
480 I don't think a toupee makes you look more patriotic. 1.3558 0.04137 208 147 48 13
481 Fake feathers or fake news, who cares? 1.3556 0.04430 180 127 42 11
482 He's polling well among fledglings and elderly widows, but low among those who mate for life. 1.3548 0.04593 186 135 36 15
483 Should we tell him its' hereditary baldness? 1.3545 0.04478 189 136 39 14
484 At least it isn't a tattoo." 1.3544 0.04758 158 112 36 10
485 We already sent back the sports car. Then I wake up to this. 1.3544 0.04274 206 148 43 15
486 He's biologically a bald eagle, but he identifies as nonbald. 1.3539 0.04670 178 129 35 14
487 He wears it to pick up chicks. 1.3538 0.04132 195 136 49 10
488 He’s had it with being a bald eagle. 1.3538 0.04499 195 142 37 16
489 Empty nester. 1.3538 0.04241 212 153 43 16
490 His wife left him for a cockatoo. 1.3537 0.04998 147 105 32 10
491 Guess who's no longer on the endangered list. 1.3536 0.04340 181 127 44 10
492 I don't mind the toupee so much, but if I have to listen to him sing "Viva Las Vegas" one more time I 'm outta here. 1.3536 0.04547 181 130 38 13
493 Everywhere we go, all you hear is: "You're bald, you're bald." That toupee makes him look like the guy who sells pillows. 1.3535 0.04450 198 144 38 16
494 He's trying to remain relevant. 1.3533 0.04735 167 120 35 12
495 Believe me, it’s not a thinking cap! 1.3533 0.04292 184 129 45 10
496 The triumph of vanity over aerodynamics. 1.3533 0.04561 184 133 37 14
497 Did Jerry lose weight? 1.3526 0.04833 173 127 31 15
498 My uncle did that before he flew off with a sparrow. 1.3526 0.04691 173 125 35 13
499 Apparently, comb-overs are required for patriotism now. 1.3523 0.04564 176 126 38 12
500 Welcome to Trump wildlife sanctuary. 1.3522 0.05058 159 117 28 14
501 I heard he's getting a nose job next 1.3520 0.04362 196 141 41 14
502 Hey, I'm supportive, but I did suggest he avoids those Mockingbirds! 1.3520 0.04715 179 131 33 15
503 You know, I used to look like that. 1.3514 0.05061 148 107 30 11
504 Don’t be so judgmental Harold; I remember your Mohawk phase! 1.3511 0.04552 188 137 36 15
505 I liked the dreadlocks better. 1.3508 0.04797 191 144 27 20
506 We may be bald, but I don't think "Pompadour Eagle" has the same ring to it. 1.3506 0.04669 174 126 35 13
507 Don’t say anything. 1.3506 0.04669 174 126 35 13
508 It started when she left him for the cockatoo. 1.3506 0.04597 174 125 37 12
509 He likes it, but I think it makes him look predatory. 1.3503 0.05020 157 115 29 13
510 Just say it looks nice. He just got dumped by Louise. 1.3503 0.04399 177 125 42 10
511 Someone should tell him you can spot that rug from two miles away. 1.3500 0.04558 180 130 37 13
512 Talk about endangered species. 1.3497 0.04730 163 117 35 11
513 Uncle Vincenzo just arrived from the old country 1.3497 0.05040 163 121 27 15
514 He said it was about making eagles great again. 1.3497 0.04887 163 119 31 13
515 He wants to be in the next David Attenborough documentary. 1.3497 0.04682 143 99 38 6
516 He's the Liberace of songbirds. 1.3495 0.04265 206 149 42 15
517 This caption contest is for the birds. 1.3495 0.04830 186 140 27 19
518 Oh great, now we are going to be called the Toupee Eagle. 1.3494 0.04899 166 122 30 14
519 He said he is "looking to be less of a national symbol and more of a sex symbol." 1.3493 0.04917 146 104 33 9
520 Midlife Crisis. 1.3491 0.04688 169 122 35 12
521 I mean,you gotta admit, "Pompadour" Eagle is a lot more impressive. 1.3488 0.04846 172 127 30 15
522 It's as real as he believes it to be. 1.3486 0.04716 175 128 33 14
523 Bet he can't curl his lip. 1.3481 0.04659 158 112 37 9
524 he wants to be referred to as ‘eagle’ 1.3478 0.04616 184 135 34 15
525 Dramatic combover, at least it's not orange. 1.3476 0.04563 187 137 35 15
526 The chicks love it. 1.3476 0.04236 187 132 45 10
527 I told you he wasn't dead. 1.3475 0.05419 141 105 23 13
528 Is this guy trying to make toupees great again? 1.3473 0.04568 167 119 38 10
529 Wait till you hear him sing “Burning Love.” I wanted to throw my tail feathers at him. 1.3473 0.04799 167 122 32 13
530 How does he expect to soar like an eagle with that thing on his head? 1.3473 0.04647 167 120 36 11
531 He's dating a younger eagle. 1.3471 0.04356 170 119 43 8
532 He's not fooling anyone. Everyone knows eagles don't sing. 1.3469 0.04231 196 140 44 12
533 Which one? Elvis or Liberace? 1.3469 0.05431 147 111 21 15
534 Yep, he flew south to Graceland. 1.3468 0.04535 173 124 38 11
535 Don't stare. He's having a midlife crisis. 1.3468 0.04752 173 127 32 14
536 I knew it would go to his head. 1.3464 0.04430 179 128 40 11
537 He’s a bird of hairs prey 1.3462 0.05429 130 95 25 10
538 He's dating a red-headed woodpecker. 1.3462 0.04380 182 130 41 11
539 I mean, do I look like I’m lonesome tonight? 1.3457 0.04742 162 117 34 11
540 And I heard he was out with a fledgling last night. 1.3457 0.04822 162 118 32 12
541 And it’s not even mating season. 1.3455 0.04682 165 119 35 11
542 O.K., but if he starts tweeting, then I'm saying something. 1.3452 0.04700 168 122 34 12
543 I hear he's dating a turkey 1.3452 0.04700 168 122 34 12
544 It’s for the chickadees. 1.3452 0.04624 168 121 36 11
545 Ernie is going to his 25th class reunion. 1.3451 0.05101 142 103 29 10
546 So you know, Elvis lives; think reincarnation. 1.3450 0.04567 171 123 37 11
547 Sad to see the youth turn their back on our heritage. 1.3446 0.04532 177 128 37 12
548 He no longer identifies as "Bald." 1.3444 0.05236 151 113 24 14
549 He's headlining an Elvis tribute show. 1.3443 0.04496 183 133 37 13
550 If it were orange I’d be impressed. 1.3443 0.04627 183 135 33 15
551 Do birds even have a pelvis? 1.3442 0.05078 154 114 27 13
552 There goes our mating season. 1.3438 0.05370 128 93 26 9
553 Can you believe his insurance covered that? 1.3438 0.04860 160 117 31 12
554 No, he actually is bald. 1.3434 0.04195 198 142 44 12
555 I used to only worry about ruffling his feathers! 1.3434 0.04316 198 144 40 14
556 "Can you believe I almost raised an egg with him?" 1.3434 0.04736 166 121 33 12
557 Like no one can tell. 1.3434 0.04658 166 120 35 11
558 Mom?! Will I inherit dad's hairline?! 1.3432 0.04825 169 125 30 14
559 Looks like the Rogaine has feathered in. 1.3432 0.04200 169 117 46 6
560 He's thinking of running for office... 1.3432 0.04897 169 126 28 15
561 He knows we can tell, right? 1.3430 0.04470 172 123 39 10
562 And yesterday I saw a spotless owl! 1.3430 0.04835 172 128 29 15
563 It just won't fly. 1.3429 0.04418 175 125 40 10
564 Mr Not-So-Bald-Eagle looks more like a loon if you ask me. 1.3427 0.04873 143 102 33 8
565 He still can't hide that bald patch. 1.3425 0.04389 181 130 40 11
566 That’s some identity crisis. 1.3422 0.04016 187 130 50 7
567 And he even sounds more like Goulet. 1.3421 0.04439 190 139 37 14
568 I hear he used to be a bald eagle. 1.3421 0.04376 190 138 39 13
569 Wow, I didn't see that coming! 1.3418 0.04732 158 114 34 10
570 It's called 'The Trump'. 1.3416 0.04993 161 120 27 14
571 You should see his new sports car. 1.3416 0.04914 161 119 29 13
572 Bad Toupee Eagle doesn’t have the same ring to it. 1.3415 0.04926 164 122 28 14
573 It's for his dating profile on hatch.com. 1.3415 0.04772 164 120 32 12
574 Don't say anything. He thinks it looks real. 1.3412 0.04501 170 122 38 10
575 I told you he wasn't extinct! 1.3412 0.04501 170 122 38 10
576 He doesn't want to represent the country anymore. 1.3410 0.04949 173 131 25 17
577 See,I told you,Elvis lives. 1.3407 0.04831 182 138 26 18
578 He heard that most movie actors wear a piece. 1.3407 0.04369 182 131 40 11
579 I know I'm not being PC when I say that I hope that look becomes extinct 1.3404 0.05214 141 104 26 11
580 He's been an insufferable dick ever since he joined the Hair Club for Eagles. 1.3402 0.04609 194 146 30 18
581 He's rebounding from a divorce with a real harpy. 1.3397 0.04769 156 113 33 10
582 It’s his right to pursue happiness. 1.3397 0.04939 156 115 29 12
583 Ever since his White House gig he's been obsessed with the look. 1.3396 0.04535 159 113 38 8
584 Of course I still prefer you, Phil. I don’t care at all about Jeff’s lustrous, magnificent hair. 1.3395 0.04809 162 119 31 12
585 He's never been comfortable with the whole 'bald eagle' thing. 1.3394 0.04669 165 120 34 11
586 I don't know who Brian thinks he's kidding. I may be bald, but I'm not blind. 1.3394 0.04508 165 118 38 9
587 Next thing you know, he'll snatch a MAGA hat. 1.3392 0.04704 171 126 32 13
588 No Gladys, it's not real. I supposed you believed the mate-for-life line as well. 1.3391 0.04718 174 129 31 14
589 He's a big hit in Vegas 1.3390 0.04729 177 132 30 15
590 Well, I guess we know who our lead singer is. 1.3390 0.04302 177 126 42 9
591 I know -- but it's still kinda hot, right? 1.3389 0.04255 180 128 43 9
592 Ever since he's become an evangelist he's taken himself a little too seriously. 1.3385 0.04641 192 145 29 18
593 Ever wonder why he's single? 1.3385 0.04413 195 144 36 15
594 Well, it looks like a dead rat, cuz it is a dead rat. 1.3381 0.05456 139 105 21 13
595 Apparently some men in wigs want to form a nation and make him their symbol. 1.3377 0.04396 151 105 41 5
596 Doesn't he realize we're not actually bald? 1.3377 0.04534 154 109 38 7
597 Doesn’t he realize that ‘bald’ is just a figure of speech? 1.3376 0.04829 157 115 31 11
598 He never liked being called bald. 1.3375 0.04598 160 115 36 9
599 You know John... He's always been an individualist. 1.3373 0.04588 169 123 35 11
600 He just got tired of being called Bald. 1.3372 0.04458 172 124 38 10
601 Swipe left. 1.3371 0.04967 175 134 23 18
602 Whatever - it's a free country. 1.3371 0.04428 178 129 38 11
603 He refuses to buy into the "bald is beautiful" trope. 1.3370 0.04378 181 131 39 11
604 He just wasn't happy as a bald eagle. 1.3356 0.04982 146 107 29 10
605 I've never seen a haired eagle before 1.3355 0.04662 152 109 35 8
606 He ain't nuthin' but a song bird, chirpin' all the time. 1.3355 0.04935 152 112 29 11
607 Plumage Club for Men. 1.3355 0.04662 152 109 35 8
608 One summer in the Catskills and this is what Murray comes back with! 1.3355 0.04781 155 113 32 10
609 We shouldn’t have let him watch the Liberace movie they showed in the park. 1.3354 0.04632 158 114 35 9
610 First it was the red convertible, then the 19 year old girlfriend. Now this. 1.3354 0.04822 161 119 30 12
611 It happened after we stopped at Graceland. 1.3354 0.04600 164 119 35 10
612 He's never accepted the fact that he's a Bald Eagle. 1.3353 0.04776 167 124 30 13
613 Ah yes, the majestic 'Hair Piece Eagle'. Has a real ring to it... 1.3352 0.04531 176 129 35 12
614 That doesn’t seem natural. 1.3351 0.04329 188 137 39 12
615 …… as if nobody knows….. 1.3351 0.04646 188 142 29 17
616 I hope he's on the endangered list. 1.3351 0.04593 191 144 30 17
617 I guess it's a mid-extinction crisis. 1.3333 0.04706 174 130 30 14
618 He can't stand how old he looks on the quarter. 1.3333 0.04656 165 121 33 11
619 He’s been eating down stream from the Rogaine factory. 1.3333 0.04693 159 116 33 10
620 He's always had trouble identifying as a bald eagle 1.3333 0.04521 168 122 36 10
621 He went to Florida last winter. 1.3333 0.05021 159 120 25 14
622 In his former life he was a jailbird, he says. 1.3333 0.05043 135 98 29 8
623 When his wife sees it, there will be hell toupee ! 1.3333 0.04826 168 126 28 14
624 He's had a comb over ever since he saw that human Trump on TV. 1.3333 0.04755 156 114 32 10
625 Some birds like Elvis… I prefer the Eagles 1.3333 0.05962 123 95 15 13
626 Don't worry, Congress will never get it together to change the Great Seal. 1.3333 0.04792 141 101 33 7
627 He's not handling the divorce well 1.3333 0.04578 156 112 36 8
628 That comb over is just for the birds... 1.3333 0.05030 162 123 24 15
629 I heard they’re plugs 1.3333 0.04152 186 133 44 9
630 No matter how many wigs he wears, he's still a bald eagle. 1.3333 0.05079 153 115 25 13
631 Why can't Elvis impersonators just stay in Vegas? 1.3315 0.04366 181 132 38 11
632 Anyway, it’s better than the comb-over… 1.3315 0.04270 178 128 41 9
633 Nope. Doesn’t do it for me. You? 1.3314 0.04445 172 125 37 10
634 That’s just a bad rug. He’s bald like the rest of us. 1.3314 0.04801 169 127 28 14
635 His bigger problem is he is afraid to fly. 1.3313 0.04691 163 120 32 11
636 Sheryl got the kids... 1.3313 0.04994 160 121 25 14
637 Technically, is he still a bald eagle? 1.3313 0.04752 160 118 31 11
638 The chicks like the way he gyrates his tail feathers. 1.3312 0.04880 154 114 29 11
639 'Let's watch when he flies away if it stays on his head" 1.3311 0.04948 151 112 28 11
640 Wait 'till he sings 'Hound Dog." 1.3311 0.04948 151 112 28 11
641 Someone told him he was a bald eagle. 1.3311 0.04735 148 107 33 8
642 He can swim in it, too! 1.3310 0.04996 145 107 28 10
643 He's just a hunka hunka birdie love! 1.3309 0.04938 139 101 30 8
644 Is it too late to ask for pronouns? 1.3309 0.05043 139 102 28 9
645 Honestly, that should be ill-eagle! 1.3309 0.05429 136 103 21 12
646 They've decided they are non-binary. 1.3308 0.05281 130 96 25 9
647 Some species like being threatened. 1.3308 0.04809 130 92 33 5
648 He looked better last week as a blond. 1.3295 0.04573 173 128 33 12
649 my mom always said the curly bird gets the perm 1.3295 0.04646 173 129 31 13
650 No, no. He's still a bald eagle. 1.3293 0.04530 167 122 35 10
651 He watched all 2 hours and 40 mins of the Elvis movie on HBOMax 1.3293 0.04586 164 120 34 10
652 He did say there’d be hell toupee. 1.3293 0.04824 164 123 28 13
653 There’s no way I’m going to be his wingman. 1.3293 0.04586 164 120 34 10
654 And he had the nerve to say that it's natural 1.3292 0.04727 161 119 31 11
655 He flew into Celia Smook’s clothesline, wound up with her panties on his head, and now he thinks he’s Elvis. 1.3292 0.04808 161 120 29 12
656 I heard it was an early-bird special. 1.3292 0.04474 161 116 37 8
657 Rebranding. 1.3292 0.04560 161 117 35 9
658 Did you seriously just ask me if I think that looks real? 1.3292 0.05121 161 124 21 16
659 A new wig on a twig!!! 1.3291 0.04617 158 115 34 9
660 I saw him first, Margaret. 1.3291 0.04704 158 116 32 10
661 This is what a mid eagle crisis looks like! 1.3290 0.05187 155 119 21 15
662 They are putting him on the new quarter 1.3290 0.04587 155 112 35 8
663 Remember, Honey, tell my dad that his hair looks natural. 1.3289 0.04455 152 108 38 6
664 Being a national symbol was too much pressure. 1.3289 0.04646 152 110 34 8
665 He was never comfortable being a “bald” eagle 1.3289 0.04410 149 105 39 5
666 Mid-flight crisis. 1.3289 0.04897 149 110 29 10
667 Probably climate change. 1.3289 0.05168 149 113 23 13
668 Don't worry, he'll never get elected. 1.3289 0.04989 149 111 27 11
669 He says it makes him feel presidential. I just think it makes him look like a reality TV celebrity. 1.3289 0.05424 149 116 17 16
670 He flies with one wing, holds on with the other. 1.3286 0.05114 140 104 26 10
671 He has started a movement he calls MEGA, Make Eagles Great Again. I don't think it will fly. 1.3284 0.05165 134 99 26 9
672 The right wing hides his orange one. 1.3283 0.04794 198 156 19 23
673 I think he's upset because I assured him I wouldn't be lonesome tonight. 1.3278 0.04445 180 133 35 12
674 It's a little late for that, don't you think? We're already stuck with the name. 1.3277 0.04637 177 133 30 14
675 He feels so lonely, he could die. 1.3277 0.04425 177 130 36 11
676 I'd like to see him keep it on in an updraft. 1.3273 0.04562 165 121 34 10
677 He says he's evolved. 1.3273 0.04138 165 116 44 5
678 I could spot that birds nest a mile away. 1.3272 0.04620 162 119 33 10
679 He's just another Elvis impersonator. 1.3272 0.04364 162 116 39 7
680 He can trans all he wants. He was born a bald eagle. He was raised a bald eagle. He’s a bald eagle. 1.3269 0.04740 156 115 31 10
681 No matter how hard he tries to cover it up, he ain't nothin' but a bald eagle. 1.3269 0.04652 156 114 33 9
682 You’re not screaming now, but wait till he shakes his pelvis. 1.3268 0.04892 153 114 28 11
683 He's been in witness protection ever since the photo shoot with 45. 1.3267 0.04585 150 108 35 7
684 He flew over Mar-a-Lago. 1.3264 0.05199 144 109 23 12
685 He's a national disgrace. 1.3264 0.04605 144 103 35 6
686 Elvis has flown the coop 1.3262 0.05181 141 106 24 11
687 He was never able to accept his baldness. 1.3258 0.04105 178 127 44 7
688 Should have seen him during his Ramones phase. 1.3256 0.04656 172 129 30 13
689 I suspect a cover-up. 1.3256 0.05181 129 95 26 8
690 If you think he looks ridiculous, wait to see him perching on a sportscar." 1.3254 0.05143 126 92 27 7
691 We never should have told him his proper name. 1.3252 0.04428 163 118 37 8
692 Never accepted being a bald eagle. 1.3252 0.04677 163 121 31 11
693 Oh Elvis Smelvis! 1.3252 0.04428 163 118 37 8
694 Tread lightly on the rug jokes 1.3250 0.05314 120 88 25 7
695 He's got this thing about Tony Bennett. 1.3250 0.04393 160 115 38 7
696 Give it a week. I'll blow over. 1.3247 0.04777 154 114 30 10
697 Great. Now we're going to be known as Rug Eagles. 1.3245 0.04932 151 113 27 11
698 He refuses to concede. 1.3245 0.04932 151 113 27 11
699 I don't mind the toupee, but "Elvis!?" 1.3245 0.05278 151 117 19 15
700 One guy’s DDT is another guy’s Rogaine 1.3240 0.04727 179 137 26 16
701 He's been like this since he got back from that trip to Vegas 1.3240 0.04661 179 136 28 15
702 That toupee is for the birds. 1.3239 0.05150 142 107 24 11
703 Next thing you know, he will be wearing a man bun. 1.3239 0.04952 142 105 28 9
704 Hey at least he is not wearing a MAGA hat 1.3237 0.05327 139 106 21 12
705 It’s a comb over fade with an undercut curl. He says he gets a lot of coos. 1.3237 0.04920 139 102 29 8
706 Little does he know the chicks dig us bald guys! 1.3235 0.04616 170 127 31 12
707 He thinks nobody notices. 1.3234 0.04595 167 124 32 11
708 Well, I think it looks natural. 1.3232 0.04489 164 120 35 9
709 ''I heard his wife ran off with a woodpecker" 1.3232 0.04888 164 125 25 14
710 It's a Johnny Cash look. 1.3231 0.05030 130 95 28 7
711 He says he never eats the fur anyway, so why not put it to good use? 1.3230 0.04953 161 123 24 14
712 Looks like being the national bird has gone to his head. 1.3228 0.04689 158 117 31 10
713 Europeans... 1.3226 0.04662 155 114 32 9
714 His nest has a live cam. 1.3226 0.04838 155 116 28 11
715 It's downright unamerican. 1.3224 0.04815 152 113 29 10
716 Yes, Julio has style but someone must warn him that Liberacci is passsee. 1.3224 0.04904 152 114 27 11
717 I'm serious, it's natural. 1.3224 0.04535 152 110 35 7
718 All he's missing are his Blue Suede Shoes. 1.3224 0.04723 152 112 31 9
719 Not my kind of president, but he has a huge following of magpies. 1.3224 0.04992 152 115 25 12
720 Why can’t he just molt gracefully like the rest of us? 1.3223 0.05145 121 88 27 6
721 I think it’s kind of sad and kind of hot at the same time. 1.3221 0.04692 149 109 32 8
722 No, YOU tell him he's not fooling anyone. 1.3221 0.04494 149 107 36 6
723 He hasn't been the same since the oil spill. 1.3219 0.04854 146 108 29 9
724 He's going through a mid-life crisis. 1.3217 0.04718 143 104 32 7
725 Where did we go wrong? 1.3214 0.04784 140 102 31 7
726 So much for us being described as majestic. 1.3212 0.04548 165 122 33 10
727 He ain't never caught a rabbit. 1.3212 0.04383 165 120 37 8
728 He bought a ridiculous sports car as well. 1.3212 0.04708 165 124 29 12
729 Some of us handle this bald eagle thing better than others. 1.3212 0.05069 137 102 26 9
730 The threat to democracy is staggering. 1.3212 0.04740 137 99 32 6
731 They were on sale, maybe? 1.3212 0.05173 137 103 24 10
732 he's been listening to Roy Orbison 1.3210 0.04687 162 121 30 11
733 It doesn't take our eyes to spot that piece from a mile away... 1.3210 0.04927 162 124 24 14
734 As if no one will notice. 1.3209 0.04923 134 98 29 7
735 Do you think it's real? 1.3209 0.04315 187 139 36 12
736 Is it a wig or the improvement of our species" 1.3208 0.04490 159 116 35 8
737 So obvious. I could see it from two miles away. 1.3207 0.04627 184 141 27 16
738 Must be mating season 1.3202 0.04169 178 129 41 8
739 I was all in until I heard the list of side effects it causes 1.3200 0.04568 150 109 34 7
740 There's something different about him...I just can't put my wingtip on it. 1.3197 0.04628 147 107 33 7
741 Hard to say. His mom’s a hairy woodpecker and his dad a bald eagle. 1.3197 0.04728 147 108 31 8
742 Could be worse. Could be a mullet. 1.3197 0.04921 147 110 27 10
743 Are we allowed to do that? 1.3197 0.05015 147 111 25 11
744 I guess he was transferred from the zoo in Las Vegas. 1.3195 0.04391 169 124 36 9
745 He'll do Heartbreak Hotel if you ask him. 1.3194 0.04893 144 107 28 9
746 It looks like someone's been using Rogaine. 1.3193 0.04443 166 122 35 9
747 Just wait ‘till he’s in the jet stream. 1.3191 0.04964 141 105 27 9
748 Proud symbol of our nation my ass! 1.3190 0.04743 163 123 28 12
749 He prefers not to be endangered. 1.3188 0.04931 138 102 28 8
750 Who does Herman think he's fooling? 1.3185 0.04431 157 114 36 7
751 The worst part is he thinks no one can tell. 1.3182 0.05081 132 98 26 8
752 That's a leaf. He's bald just like the rest of us. 1.3182 0.05303 132 100 22 10
753 That Hair Club for Men does amazing work 1.3182 0.04936 154 117 25 12
754 I’m not saying I’m on board with it, but he is giving off an Elvis vibe that I can’t help but admire. 1.3179 0.04826 151 113 28 10
755 I mean, he looks the part, but can he sing? 1.3179 0.04543 151 110 34 7
756 I can't wait to see him dive into the water for fish. 1.3176 0.04892 148 111 27 10
757 He's been watching GOLDEN GIRLS again at those windows in that big blue house! 1.3174 0.04421 167 123 35 9
758 You can tell it's not his natural color. 1.3171 0.05693 123 95 17 11
759 Should we tell Larry that we’re supposed to be bald? 1.3171 0.04474 164 121 34 9
760 I told him if he wears that to the nest, I'll definitely be a flight risk. 1.3169 0.05132 142 108 23 11
761 Was kicked out of the Eagles, ended up an Elvis impersonator. 1.3169 0.05132 142 108 23 11
762 It’s called a comb over. 1.3167 0.04558 180 137 29 14
763 I really like this tree 1.3162 0.05291 136 104 21 11
764 He thinks it makes him look presidential. 1.3158 0.04613 152 112 32 8
765 He's been spending too much time with #45. 1.3158 0.04798 152 114 28 10
766 It is hard to soar like an eagle when you’re worried about the toupee blowing away. 1.3158 0.05269 133 101 22 10
767 God, I hate Vegas. 1.3158 0.04934 133 98 28 7
768 At least he gave up the combover. 1.3155 0.04167 187 138 39 10
769 He's also started only eating peanut butter and banana sandwiches. 1.3154 0.04956 149 113 25 11
770 He thinks he's incognito. 1.3154 0.04476 149 108 35 6
771 It just brings attention to his baldness 1.3152 0.04451 165 122 34 9
772 He heard they're redesigning the quarter. 1.3152 0.04772 165 126 26 13
773 That’s why it’s illegal to transplant endangered species. 1.3151 0.05027 146 111 24 11
774 He thinks it makes him look more endangerous. 1.3151 0.04636 146 107 32 7
775 He’s trying to distract from his crows feet. 1.3151 0.04933 146 110 26 10
776 It gets worse. He only sings Elvis songs. 1.3151 0.05027 146 111 24 11
777 He just arrived from Mar-a-lago. 1.3147 0.05004 143 108 25 10
778 He hasn't chosen his party yet but he's locked in the image consultant. 1.3147 0.05004 143 108 25 10
779 It's true. I saw him snatch it right off the guys head. 1.3145 0.05416 124 94 21 9
780 Who's going to be the one to tell him we're not bald? 1.3145 0.04648 159 119 30 10
781 He calls it a head warmer, I call it a midlife crisis. 1.3143 0.04871 140 104 28 8
782 Rogaine. His convertible is even more embarrassing. 1.3141 0.04881 156 119 25 12
783 He invited me to a party in the county jail. 1.3141 0.04709 156 117 29 10
784 I told you he's alive. 1.3140 0.04844 121 87 30 4
785 Would we say “awkward eagle?” 1.3139 0.05155 137 104 23 10
786 You should hear his rendition of "Love Me Tender." 1.3137 0.04861 153 116 26 11
787 Bald", as in "bald eagle" means "white", as in our white heads. So Trumpian of him to not know 1.3137 0.04861 153 116 26 11
788 He says the government will pay for it because 'Hare' Restoration is covered under the Endangered Species Act. 1.3137 0.05119 153 119 20 14
789 He went to see the new Elvis movie and has been acting like this ever since" 1.3137 0.04396 153 111 36 6
790 everyone wants to be Elvis these days 1.3137 0.04771 153 115 28 10
791 Toupee or not toupee, that is the question. 1.3136 0.04534 169 127 31 11
792 I've always thought he was the best captain of the Enterprise. 1.3136 0.05476 118 89 21 8
793 He landed on some piano keys and now he thinks he's Liberace. 1.3133 0.04647 150 111 31 8
794 He actually was getting bald. 1.3133 0.05018 150 115 23 12
795 Wait until he flies. 1.3133 0.04174 166 120 40 6
796 Told you not to show him the Elvis movie 1.3129 0.04998 147 112 24 11
797 Elvis is in the house. 1.3129 0.04904 147 111 26 10
798 You have to admit, he does look younger. 1.3129 0.04998 147 112 24 11
799 He looks even more bald that way if you ask me. 1.3129 0.04397 163 120 35 8
800 He ain't never caught no rabbit and he ain't no friend of mine " 1.3125 0.04875 144 108 27 9
801 And it’s made out of HUMAN hair! 1.3125 0.04875 144 108 27 9
802 What's next, lipo? 1.3125 0.05386 112 83 23 6
803 He figures he can pick up a chick if he looks more like a rooster. 1.3125 0.05291 128 97 22 9
804 "He loves that the birdwatchers call him Elvis. 1.3121 0.04595 157 117 31 9
805 Let’s see how well he handles it in the wind. 1.3121 0.04413 157 115 35 7
806 The only peace he supports is the one on top of his head. 1.3121 0.04736 141 104 30 7
807 It's either a wig, or he's a different species. 1.3121 0.04945 141 106 26 9
808 He can steal fish just by thinking about it. 1.3120 0.05257 125 94 23 8
809 Look Priscilla. Isn’t that Elvis?” 1.3120 0.05497 125 96 19 10
810 He works Las Vegas during the winter. 1.3118 0.04512 170 128 31 11
811 The salmon must think they're getting eaten by Elvis! 1.3117 0.04920 154 118 24 12
812 His feathers aren't real either. 1.3116 0.04911 138 103 27 8
813 You're gonna love this Bob, his healthcare insurance paid for it. 1.3116 0.05224 138 106 21 11
814 Land of the Free, Home of the Wave," apparently. 1.3116 0.05018 138 104 25 9
815 I'm just saying, it wouldn't hurt you to put some effort into your appearance as well. 1.3110 0.04459 164 122 33 9
816 Says he found the nomenclature "derogatory". 1.3106 0.04764 161 123 26 12
817 That is not how we get taken off the endangered list 1.3106 0.04426 161 119 34 8
818 Just wait 'till you see him shake his tail feathers! 1.3103 0.04846 145 109 27 9
819 No, don’t tell me; let me guess. He had his talons done? 1.3103 0.04944 145 110 25 10
820 You may not like the look, but wait until you hear his rendition of "All Shook Up". 1.3101 0.05481 129 100 18 11
821 Vanity like that is un-American 1.3099 0.04707 142 105 30 7
822 I can spot a cheap rug a mile away! 1.3099 0.05114 142 109 22 11
823 He's missed all of the self esteem classes. 1.3099 0.04377 142 102 36 4
824 He does a great Rockin’ Robin. 1.3097 0.04806 155 118 26 11
825 It makes his butt look big. 1.3095 0.05221 126 95 23 8
826 Sure he looks younger,but there goes his protection status 1.3095 0.04842 126 92 29 5
827 I don’t care what you say—he looks years younger. 1.3094 0.04987 139 105 25 9
828 Should we tell him that he is SUPPOSED to be bald? 1.3091 0.04599 165 125 29 11
829 It's a phase.This week Elvis...next week Roy Orbison. 1.3088 0.05061 136 103 24 9
830 I can tell it's artificial. 1.3088 0.04727 136 100 30 6
831 elvis schmelvish 1.3087 0.04939 149 114 24 11
832 Birdwatchers call him a "comb-over eagle." 1.3087 0.04656 149 111 30 8
833 It appears that ornithologists were wrong: the dodo is still with us! 1.3083 0.04850 120 87 29 4
834 I'll bet you a trout and two field mice he's changed political parties. 1.3083 0.05248 133 102 21 10
835 It's a feather duster. 1.3082 0.04617 146 108 31 7
836 At least it isn't orange. 1.3082 0.04914 146 111 25 10
837 You can tell it’s not real feathers. 1.3082 0.04883 159 123 23 13
838 Don't be cruel when we tell him. 1.3082 0.04717 159 121 27 11
839 It looks like all the mistakes I've ever made. 1.3077 0.04985 143 109 24 10
840 He is, in fact, a founding member of the Hairclub for Raptors. 1.3077 0.05083 143 110 22 11
841 He thinks we don't know the truth 1.3077 0.05114 156 123 18 15
842 Next week he’ll show up with arms. 1.3077 0.04783 143 107 28 8
843 He bought it at a dollar store. Said it was a small price toupee. 1.3077 0.05624 117 90 18 9
844 He just got back from Graceland 1.3077 0.04885 143 108 26 9
845 Don't bring it up. He will wig out. 1.3077 0.05104 130 98 24 8
846 It’s as though we’ve never been called bald before. 1.3077 0.04597 169 129 28 12
847 Does he know he's not really bald? 1.3073 0.04270 179 134 35 10
848 He nested in Memphis last year.... 1.3072 0.04068 166 120 41 5
849 He aspires to be a loon. 1.3071 0.04744 140 104 29 7
850 That mouse pelt isn't fooling anyone. 1.3070 0.05590 114 87 19 8
851 Silly yes, but they say he could be our next President. 1.3070 0.05305 114 85 23 6
852 He’d look better if he hadn’t just killed it. 1.3070 0.05861 114 89 15 10
853 What happened in Vegas did NOT stay in Vegas! 1.3067 0.04713 163 125 26 12
854 Rug Eagle doesn’t conjure up the same image”! 1.3067 0.04725 150 113 28 9
855 He can't decide on which persona, Elvis or Trump! 1.3065 0.05631 124 97 16 11
856 I hear he's going to be on the Alaska state quarter. 1.3062 0.04691 160 122 27 11
857 The Liberace look is back, really? 1.3061 0.04383 147 107 35 5
858 One trip to France and now he thinks he's a rooster! 1.3060 0.05106 134 102 23 9
859 At least it's not a comb-over... 1.3059 0.04419 170 128 32 10
860 I present to you the rarest of species, the vain toupéed eagle. 1.3058 0.05358 121 92 21 8
861 Three mice it doesn't last the day. 1.3058 0.04958 121 89 27 5
862 He's not the top bird, but he is the hair apparent 1.3058 0.05609 121 94 17 10
863 I'd prefer you age gracefully. 1.3058 0.05095 121 90 25 6
864 Said his name is Eaglis. 1.3058 0.05095 121 90 25 6
865 He looks great, but wait until he flies... 1.3057 0.04922 157 122 22 13
866 He’s not aging well.” 1.3057 0.04666 157 119 28 10
867 His ex-wife started dating a peacock 1.3057 0.05004 157 123 20 14
868 For him, vanity trumps identity 1.3056 0.05337 108 80 23 5
869 He says he's a bold eagle. 1.3056 0.04755 144 108 28 8
870 They're gonna know 1.3053 0.04710 131 96 30 5
871 And then he says ‘Thank you… Thank you very much’” 1.3051 0.05582 118 91 18 9
872 How about "Conway Tweetie"? 1.3051 0.05178 118 88 24 6
873 He took the term "bald eagle" personally. 1.3051 0.05178 118 88 24 6
874 He’s fooling no one… It is literally in our name 1.3050 0.04821 141 106 27 8
875 Look at Brad, trying to work his way up the pecking order. 1.3050 0.04821 141 106 27 8
876 Yeah, it's obviously fake, but he's so much more confident now. 1.3049 0.04271 164 121 36 7
877 You say "Bold Eagle" but I still think he looks like a second-rate Elvis impersonator. 1.3046 0.04882 151 116 24 11
878 These Elvis impersonators are getting ridiculous. 1.3043 0.04890 138 104 26 8
879 Gary is really embracing his divorce isn’t he 1.3043 0.04890 138 104 26 8
880 When I told him to go get a rug I meant for the bottom of our nest. 1.3043 0.04781 138 103 28 7
881 Who’s he fooling? 1.3043 0.04554 138 101 32 5
882 Just my opinion, but I don't think The Toupee Eagle is gonna fly as a national symbol. 1.3043 0.04781 138 103 28 7
883 The King 1.3041 0.04761 148 112 27 9
884 At first, I thought it was a squirrel. 1.3040 0.05233 125 95 22 8
885 Does he think no one would notice?? 1.3040 0.05233 125 95 22 8
886 And then he tells me bald eagles mate for life, as if I needed reminding. 1.3040 0.05233 125 95 22 8
887 He told me he saw the Elvis movie last week. 1.3040 0.04849 125 92 28 5
888 Does he still count as a Bald Eagle? 1.3033 0.04923 122 90 27 5
889 It's quite a bald statement if you ask me. 1.3033 0.05191 122 92 23 7
890 I really want to run my nails through it. 1.3028 0.04687 142 106 29 7
891 Yeah, it’s a rug. 1.3028 0.04792 142 107 27 8
892 He wants to get back onto an endangered species list. 1.3028 0.04792 142 107 27 8
893 He uses the coxcomb-over to attract chickens for dinner. 1.3028 0.04687 142 106 29 7
894 What's really funny is that it keeps falling off when he dives for prey. 1.3026 0.05366 152 123 12 17
895 The "Douchebag Rockabilly Poseur Eagle" is technically more endangered than we are,but nobody cares. 1.3025 0.05411 119 91 20 8
896 What's next? Orange spray tan? 1.3025 0.05668 119 93 16 10
897 Rumor has it he's actually bald. 1.3025 0.04558 162 123 29 10
898 What's so out of character is that the whole thing isn't bright orange. 1.3025 0.04641 162 124 27 11
899 Nothing more pathetic than bald eagle midlife crisis. 1.3025 0.04116 162 118 39 5
900 It's synthetic" 1.3023 0.04996 129 97 25 7
901 Don't get excited. It's just a decoy. 1.3020 0.04637 149 112 29 8
902 He’s not only the president, but he’s also a client. 1.3019 0.06168 106 84 12 10
903 He says his parents mated in the belfry of an Elvis chapel in Vegas. 1.3017 0.05368 116 88 21 7
904 It's better than a dye job. 1.3017 0.05226 116 87 23 6
905 Next stop is a gold bracelet." "I'm thinking a sports convertible. 1.3015 0.04931 136 103 25 8
906 Guess he thinks that'll make him a chick magnet! 1.3015 0.04931 136 103 25 8
907 Timothée Chalamet? I just think he looks like an eagle wearing a toupee. 1.3015 0.05252 136 106 19 11
908 I definitely think it would make the coin more attractive. 1.3014 0.04493 146 108 32 6
909 Look! It’s Bird Reynolds! 1.3009 0.05166 113 84 24 5
910 Oh, he's definitely a juvenile. 1.3008 0.05282 123 94 21 8
911 I say we vote him out. 1.3008 0.05155 123 93 23 7
912 He may be a bald eagle, but that toupee makes him look so distinguished, don't you think? 1.3008 0.05024 123 92 25 6
913 *He's been looking for attention ever since we got off the endangered list. " 1.3008 0.05529 123 96 17 10
914 Don't worry it's just a phase 1.3008 0.05005 133 101 24 8
915 Frankly, it's un-American. 1.3007 0.04659 143 107 29 7
916 Dude thought we were really bald. 1.3007 0.04551 153 115 30 8
917 Imagine if he could sing! 1.3007 0.04826 153 118 24 11
918 He wants to go to Graceland. 1.3007 0.04456 153 114 32 7
919 It beats a comb over. 1.3000 0.05104 120 90 24 6
920 He was bothered by his receding featherline. 1.3000 0.04706 150 114 27 9
921 He started growing it when he joined the band. 1.3000 0.04723 140 105 28 7
922 What I need you to do, is stop commenting on other people’s hairstyles! 1.3000 0.05336 140 111 16 13
923 And just like that, he’s become an endangered species of his own. 1.3000 0.05081 130 99 23 8
924 It's the new bald cover up. 1.3000 0.05500 120 93 18 9
925 Our gene pool isn’t ready for that. 1.3000 0.04935 140 107 24 9
926 He’s wearing part of our nest. 1.3000 0.04841 130 97 27 6
927 Why did we take him to that Elvis movie? 1.2993 0.04675 137 102 29 6
928 He's also the president of the hairpiece club for raptors. 1.2992 0.05161 127 97 22 8
929 I'll distract him, you grab it. 1.2992 0.04784 127 94 28 5
930 Yes,we 1.2991 0.05188 117 88 23 6
931 Remember when Carl fished for things besides compliments? 1.2991 0.05044 117 87 25 5
932 Oh yeah, he’s peacocking for sure. 1.2991 0.05044 117 87 25 5
933 He flew in from Memphis. 1.2987 0.04619 154 117 28 9
934 I've got all his albums. 1.2986 0.04305 144 105 35 4
935 He identifies as Elvis. 1.2986 0.04836 144 110 25 9
936 Doesn't look natural. I bet he bought it off the rack. 1.2986 0.04836 144 110 25 9
937 Not only is he the president, but he's also a client. 1.2986 0.04416 144 106 33 5
938 Hairy Eagle doesn't sound quite right. 1.2985 0.04858 134 101 26 7
939 Now he says he can be a "balled eagle!" 1.2984 0.05489 124 97 17 10
940 I think these Elvis impersonators are a different breed. 1.2984 0.04432 124 89 33 2
941 It is better than the old preen over. 1.2982 0.05276 114 86 22 6
942 "Chicks love to run their talons through his tuft. 1.2980 0.04773 151 116 25 10
943 He told me I ‘ain’t nothin’ but a hound dog’ and that he’s flying to Vegas. 1.2980 0.04773 151 116 25 10
944 He loves being an eagle, but cannot embrace his baldness. 1.2979 0.04694 141 106 28 7
945 So this what those Rogaine researchers meant by "promoting conservation." 1.2979 0.04694 141 106 28 7
946 Who’s Eagles Presley? 1.2979 0.04585 141 105 30 6
947 He thinks it makes him look younger. I think it makes him look like a chickadee. 1.2978 0.04408 178 137 29 12
948 Pooping on their idols isn't good enough? 1.2977 0.04809 131 98 27 6
949 ...either that or that crow you saw pooped on his head. 1.2977 0.04930 131 99 25 7
950 Should we say something? 1.2977 0.04428 131 95 33 3
951 It’s an endangered crooner. 1.2975 0.04788 121 89 28 4
952 Wop bop a loo bop, wham bam… BALD! 1.2975 0.04788 121 89 28 4
953 Mom swears he’s wearing a toupee. 1.2975 0.04930 121 90 26 5
954 I don't mind his new toupee, but the Elvis impersonations are driving me nuts. 1.2973 0.04742 148 113 26 9
955 I hate karaoke night... 1.2973 0.05214 111 83 23 5
956 It's not illegal, but it sure is wrong. 1.2971 0.04976 138 106 23 9
957 I have to admit, from the back you can't tell its a toupee. 1.2971 0.04759 138 104 27 7
958 He’s a little sensitive about being a bald eagle. 1.2969 0.04880 128 96 26 6
959 It's just a phase. 1.2969 0.04486 128 93 32 3
960 Someone is lonesome every night! 1.2969 0.05126 128 98 22 8
961 Since when does scavenging need to be made great again? 1.2966 0.05556 118 92 17 9
962 He spent last weekend in Vegas. 1.2966 0.05150 118 89 23 6
963 He's never been the same since the Elvis movie came out. 1.2966 0.04807 145 111 25 9
964 ...and he wants us to call him 'The King'. 1.2966 0.04706 145 110 27 8
965 'They say he's a bigwig." 1.2966 0.04603 145 109 29 7
966 I just hate how he calls it a feather system. 1.2963 0.04827 135 102 26 7
967 I liked him better during his 'Skinny Elvis' phase. 1.2961 0.04652 152 116 27 9
968 When are you going to tell your bird-brain brother he’s not Elvis? 1.2961 0.04745 152 117 25 10
969 Well, it’s an improvement over the squirrel tail or the dead mouse. 1.2961 0.04652 152 116 27 9
970 It's his dinner but he wears it well. 1.2960 0.04687 125 92 29 4
971 He just starting seeing a crow, that’s why. 1.2960 0.04823 125 93 27 5
972 That thing is going to fly right off his head. 1.2960 0.04955 125 94 25 6
973 Leave him alone, he's having a bad hair day... 1.2958 0.04332 142 104 34 4
974 I never even thought about it before. 1.2955 0.05014 132 101 23 8
975 Apparently "bald" is not "woke." 1.2955 0.04778 132 99 27 6
976 He now wants to be referred to as “The Bold Eagle” 1.2955 0.04778 132 99 27 6
977 We're in a caption contest, the toupée is not real. 1.2953 0.04994 149 117 20 12
978 Thinks he’s Don Henley. 1.2952 0.05567 105 80 19 6
979 He says orange makes him look too much like a screeching parrot. 1.2952 0.05567 105 80 19 6
980 It was his therapist’s suggestion. 1.2951 0.05294 122 94 20 8
981 If he just died his feathers orange he could run the country! 1.2951 0.05294 122 94 20 8
982 Maybe the name was getting to him? 1.2951 0.05294 122 94 20 8
983 He doesn't identify as a bald eagle 1.2950 0.04729 139 105 27 7
984 He's on the spectrum. 1.2946 0.05621 112 87 17 8
985 Good thing he’s not a cockatoo. 1.2946 0.04848 129 97 26 6
986 Is bald not cool anymore? 1.2945 0.04576 146 110 29 7
987 Someone should tell him that you are supposed to eat your dinner,not wear it. 1.2945 0.04678 146 111 27 8
988 Ever since he saw Baz Luhrmann's Elvis... 1.2945 0.04258 163 122 34 7
989 He ordered it from Amazon. 1.2941 0.04681 136 102 28 6
990 I’m not sure what pronoun to use. 1.2941 0.04681 136 102 28 6
991 Face it. America is changing. 1.2941 0.04718 153 118 25 10
992 He's been obsessed with that ever since Trump got elected. 1.2937 0.04945 143 111 22 10
993 He believes he can make it big in Vegas, and it wouldn't hurt if you were a little more supportive, Delores. 1.2937 0.04845 143 110 24 9
994 Miscommunication with his stylist about feathering. 1.2937 0.04655 126 93 29 4
995 I don’t think he sounds anything like Elvis. 1.2937 0.05528 126 100 15 11
996 Toupee or not to Toupee’s 1.2932 0.04866 133 101 25 7
997 If it helps pick up chicks I'm in. 1.2932 0.04866 133 101 25 7
998 I tried to tell him it’s unpatriotic. 1.2932 0.04626 133 99 29 5
999 The GOP felt that "bald" wasn't masculine enough. 1.2931 0.05340 116 89 20 7
1000 He's always been sensitive about his first name. 1.2931 0.05478 116 90 18 8
1001 Well I’M all shook up. 1.2931 0.05051 116 87 24 5
1002 Actually, it's not a toupee. He's transitioning to a cockatoo. 1.2931 0.05478 116 90 18 8
1003 He fancies himself more a bard than a bird 1.2929 0.04700 140 106 27 7
1004 What part of ' Bald Eagle" doesn't he understand?? 1.2927 0.05128 123 94 22 7
1005 He thinks chicks dig it! 1.2925 0.04750 147 113 25 9
1006 Exposure to DDT. 1.2925 0.04750 147 113 25 9
1007 You should hear his past life claim. 1.2923 0.05231 130 104 15 11
1008 Seriously? 1.2923 0.04938 130 99 24 7
1009 He says, deep down, he never truly felt like a bald eagle. 1.2920 0.05286 113 86 21 6
1010 God help me, I want one. 1.2920 0.05286 113 86 21 6
1011 He looks dapper til he tries to fly. Then he just looks bald and stupid. 1.2920 0.04877 137 105 24 8
1012 Just wait until the mockingbirds tweet about this!" 1.2917 0.05524 96 72 20 4
1013 He hasn't started balding yet. 1.2913 0.04487 127 93 31 3
1014 Dead ringer for Liberace. 1.2913 0.04887 127 96 25 6
1015 He came out. Why can’t you?? 1.2910 0.04949 134 103 23 8
1016 Man, did you see him chasing it yesterday? 1.2910 0.05171 134 105 19 10
1017 A Hoity-Toity Boidy. 1.2910 0.05061 134 104 21 9
1018 I told you we should have watch Attenborough instead of Grease 1.2909 0.05379 110 84 20 6
1019 He says it's for the chicks. 1.2909 0.05222 110 83 22 5
1020 I don't know about that hairpiece but I hear his mating call is worth a listen 1.2908 0.04562 141 106 29 6
1021 No, he's not just another Elvis impersonator. He's actually changed his name to Conway Tweety. 1.2908 0.04779 141 108 25 8
1022 He’s a Trump comb-back! 1.2906 0.05437 117 91 18 8
1023 He looks more like himself now. 1.2906 0.05014 117 88 24 5
1024 He may look like Elvis but, trust me, his crooning is strictly for the birds... 1.2905 0.04623 148 113 27 8
1025 Doesn't it make him look ten years younger? 1.2905 0.04523 148 112 29 7
1026 I heard he lives in Trump Tower ! 1.2905 0.04818 148 115 23 10
1027 You don't need eyes like ours to spot that bird's nest. 1.2903 0.05219 124 96 20 8
1028 Do you think the chicks will dig it? 1.2903 0.04665 155 120 25 10
1029 'This is one time I need my Field Guide' 1.2903 0.04828 124 93 26 5
1030 You have GOT to hear him sing 'Love Me Tender'! 1.2901 0.05024 131 101 22 8
1031 It's Vegas, baby. 1.2901 0.04905 131 100 24 7
1032 Elvis has left the tree. 1.2901 0.04905 131 100 24 7
1033 He saw Mom admiring a Crested Grebe 1.2900 0.06243 100 80 11 9
1034 He’s tired of being a bald eagle. 1.2899 0.04736 138 105 26 7
1035 He hasn't been the same since he pooped on Graceland. 1.2899 0.04623 138 104 28 6
1036 That's my cousin Harry, he's a Pompadour Eagle. 1.2897 0.04582 145 110 28 7
1037 He thinks no one will notice. 1.2895 0.04781 114 84 27 3
1038 Too many late night tv commercials. 1.2895 0.05246 114 87 21 6
1039 He enjoys gaslighting the birdwatchers. 1.2895 0.05096 114 86 23 5
1040 He just arrived from Quebec. 1.2895 0.04441 152 115 30 7
1041 Elvis has left the birdhouse! 1.2895 0.04941 114 85 25 4
1042 Who does he think he's fooling with that road-kill on his head? 1.2893 0.04311 159 120 32 7
1043 There's no shame in it, Jaspar! It's natural. And what's more, it represents freedom. Freedom to take the top down on the Miata! 1.2893 0.04901 121 91 25 5
1044 Why can't he just accept that he is a bald eagle? 1.2893 0.04758 121 90 27 4
1045 It's for his photo shoot at the U.S. Mint next week. 1.2891 0.04979 128 98 23 7
1046 He'd look better as a blonde! 1.2891 0.04979 128 98 23 7
1047 I wish he'd leave the impersonations to the parrots. 1.2891 0.04854 128 97 25 6
1048 He’s never been the same since he watched Grease 1.2887 0.04643 142 108 27 7
1049 I just can't help falling in love with him, Marge. 1.2887 0.04955 142 111 21 10
1050 There goes the neighborhood! 1.2887 0.04853 142 110 23 9
1051 He says he’s a Hairon, now. 1.2886 0.04497 149 113 29 7
1052 He went from looking like the back of a quarter to looking like a quarterback. 1.2883 0.04327 163 124 31 8
1053 …and he said to me “ It’s 2022! Come on! No one needs to be bald!” 1.2883 0.05020 111 83 24 4
1054 Someone should tell him he’s not fooling anyone with that piece. 1.2883 0.05488 111 86 18 7
1055 He likes to fool birders into thinking they've found a new species. 1.2881 0.05396 118 92 18 8
1056 He’s not just the president; he’s also a client. 1.2880 0.04795 125 94 26 5
1057 He’s from Vegas. 1.2880 0.04658 125 93 28 4
1058 It beats a mohawk. 1.2880 0.04795 125 94 26 5
1059 He says Elvis, but I’m thinking more like Roy Orbison. 1.2880 0.05057 125 96 22 7
1060 He thinks he's a warbler. 1.2879 0.04629 132 99 28 5
1061 He says he can catch fish just by thinking about it. 1.2879 0.05539 132 107 12 13
1062 He still knows he's a bald eagle, right? 1.2877 0.04450 146 110 30 6
1063 A 'chick magnet'? With that dead rabbit on his head? 1.2871 0.06346 101 82 9 10
1064 Isn’t that too high a price toupee for freedom? 1.2871 0.05859 101 79 15 7
1065 He's been preparing for that evolutionary leap. 1.2870 0.05432 108 83 19 6
1066 Enh" isn't an answer. You like it or you don't 1.2870 0.05057 115 87 23 5
1067 Phil sure puts the rug in rugged individualism. 1.2870 0.04746 115 85 27 3
1068 He may look like Elvis, but his singing is for the birds. 1.2870 0.05206 115 88 21 6
1069 Did we ever consider extinction? 1.2869 0.05004 122 93 23 6
1070 He thinks because he’s a bird that it looks natural. 1.2869 0.05137 122 94 21 7
1071 He’s heard that Progressives are looking for a new symbol 1.2869 0.05267 122 95 19 8
1072 I heard he’s now running for president 1.2869 0.05395 122 96 17 9
1073 Why can’t he accept being a bald eagle? 1.2869 0.05004 122 93 23 6
1074 Treasury wants a hip look for the new singles. 1.2868 0.05067 129 100 21 8
1075 I thought the expression was “bald is beautiful.” 1.2868 0.05067 129 100 21 8
1076 I think it's a cover-up. 1.2868 0.04564 129 96 29 4
1077 Bald eagles should not look like Liberace” 1.2868 0.05185 129 101 19 9
1078 Before he runs for President, he's waiting for his leaf toupee to turn orange. The full effect. 1.2868 0.04946 129 99 23 7
1079 yeah,ever since the "Elvis" movie came out! 1.2868 0.04822 129 98 25 6
1080 Sure it might look good now, but I'm afraid it will run if he sweats. 1.2868 0.05103 136 107 19 10
1081 Doesn't he know that bald is beautiful? 1.2868 0.04885 136 105 23 8
1082 It’s called Just for Wren. 1.2867 0.04925 143 112 21 10
1083 He certainly has the Audubon crowd in a tizzy.” 1.2867 0.04615 143 109 27 7
1084 Why don’t you shut up about the hair and let him live his life? 1.2867 0.04762 150 117 23 10
1085 Who cares if it isn’t natural? The chicks dig it! 1.2867 0.04471 150 114 29 7
1086 He says the chicks dig it. 1.2857 0.04729 147 114 24 9
1087 He's a symbol of piece 1.2857 0.05021 126 97 22 7
1088 My uncle? I thought he was your uncle. 1.2857 0.06009 105 84 12 9
1089 If he wants to wear it, fine. But I'm not going to call him Elvis. 1.2857 0.04893 126 96 24 6
1090 Must be a young guy.... hasn't gone bald yet! 1.2857 0.04566 140 106 28 6
1091 He's watching over Graceland. 1.2857 0.05295 112 86 20 6
1092 Me? I'd have gone with an Afro. 1.2857 0.04762 126 95 26 5
1093 I don't think it makes him look at all younger... 1.2857 0.04827 147 115 22 10
1094 Is he or is he not a bald eagle? 1.2857 0.05291 133 106 16 11
1095 Harry could never accept being a Bald Eagle. 1.2857 0.05268 126 99 18 9
1096 “He used to be a Bald Eagle, but now he’s a Double-Crested Comb-over Eagle.” 1.2857 0.05182 133 105 18 10
1097 He's proud to be an American! 1.2857 0.04762 126 95 26 5
1098 Can't you just let him have this? 1.2857 0.04487 126 93 30 3
1099 Are Elvis impersonations still a thing? 1.2857 0.04893 126 96 24 6
1100 He goes by Pierre now. 1.2857 0.05083 119 91 22 6
1101 That toupee is not going to fly. 1.2857 0.05981 98 77 14 7
1102 They fly off faster than his wives. 1.2857 0.04644 119 88 28 3
1103 At least he is not singing. 1.2848 0.04451 165 128 27 10
1104 Bald eagle in denial. 1.2848 0.04640 151 117 25 9
1105 Regal Eagle 1.2846 0.04790 130 99 25 6
1106 Poor guy, must be bad genes. 1.2846 0.04912 130 100 23 7
1107 He’s not only the president, he’s also a client. 1.2846 0.04968 123 94 23 6
1108 He swears that it's real 1.2846 0.05479 123 98 15 10
1109 They call him Cool Breeze 1.2846 0.04968 123 94 23 6
1110 Viva Las Eagles. 1.2846 0.04968 123 94 23 6
1111 Wait til you see his blue suede talon appliqués. 1.2845 0.05020 116 88 23 5
1112 I think the hair is a bit much…he just can’t let it go 1.2845 0.05167 116 89 21 6
1113 He 's got the Elvis voice , but hasn't mastered the moves yet. 1.2845 0.05167 116 89 21 6
1114 It’s safer than the sports car and he isn’t chasing younger birds. 1.2844 0.05695 109 86 15 8
1115 He’s an influencer. 1.2844 0.05064 109 82 23 4
1116 Well, at least she's still an eagle. 1.2844 0.05695 109 86 15 8
1117 I think he looked better without that rug on top 1.2844 0.05695 109 86 15 8
1118 Look at him—thinks he's too good to be a bald eagle. 1.2844 0.05544 109 85 17 7
1119 Does he know he's not endangered anymore? 1.2844 0.04716 109 80 27 2
1120 We don’t talk about Bruno. 1.2843 0.05639 102 79 17 6
1121 You have to wonder where they took it from 1.2838 0.04602 148 114 26 8
1122 That’s not the worst of it. I hear he’s stopped flying altogether and bought a Corvette. 1.2838 0.04072 148 109 36 3
1123 He looks like Liberace but can he play the piano? 1.2838 0.03958 148 108 38 2
1124 he just watched the Elvis movie,give it a few days. 1.2837 0.04648 141 108 26 7
1125 His name is Donald… 1.2837 0.04861 141 110 22 9
1126 Sure, it looks ridiculous, but you haven't lived till you've heard his "Love Me Tender." 1.2836 0.04691 134 102 26 6
1127 The ol' bird thinks he's Elvis! 1.2836 0.04570 134 101 28 5
1128 I haven’t seen anything like that since the ‘70s. 1.2836 0.05037 134 105 20 9
1129 And if you look closely I think he's had some work done on his beak, too. 1.2836 0.04446 134 100 30 4
1130 He's trying out for a part in a Hitchcock movie. 1.2835 0.05465 127 102 14 11
1131 Man, I remember when we used to have hair like that! 1.2835 0.04987 127 98 22 7
1132 I just don't think "comb over eagle" is going to catch on. 1.2835 0.05111 127 99 20 8
1133 You think the talons are real? 1.2833 0.04611 120 89 28 3
1134 He swears it's natural. 1.2832 0.05102 113 86 22 5
1135 He has a thing for Arthur Fonzarelli” 1.2832 0.04614 113 83 28 2
1136 It worked better on the squirrel. 1.2830 0.04972 106 79 24 3
1137 We’re fish theives with halitosis. Can’t we at least be comfortable with our bird-pattern baldness? 1.2826 0.04712 138 106 25 7
1138 Identifies as the bald-less eagle. 1.2826 0.04931 138 108 21 9
1139 It’s his third midlife crisis. 1.2824 0.04880 131 101 23 7
1140 I'm not sure ... he just says, The King is BACK! 1.2824 0.04880 131 101 23 7
1141 At least we got him to shave the goatee. 1.2824 0.04880 131 101 23 7
1142 Just wait 'til you see the shoes 1.2823 0.05065 124 96 21 7
1143 Let him be Elvis for awhile. He had a hard life. 1.2823 0.04933 124 95 23 6
1144 Black-capped chickadee envy. 1.2823 0.04660 124 93 27 4
1145 Vanity, thy name is idiot 1.2823 0.05065 124 96 21 7
1146 Hair Club For Wren 1.2821 0.04982 117 89 23 5
1147 Well, it does look better than that backwards Cubs baseball hat. 1.2821 0.05128 117 90 21 6
1148 I don’t think it’s a ‘why’ so much as a ‘how.’ 1.2821 0.05128 117 90 21 6
1149 He just flew in from Vegas. 1.2818 0.05649 110 87 15 8
1150 Let's hope it's just a midlife crisis 1.2818 0.05024 110 83 23 4
1151 He joined Hair Club for Men. 1.2818 0.05937 110 89 11 10
1152 He ain't no friend of mine. 1.2818 0.05346 110 85 19 6
1153 He actually does a pretty good “Hound Dog” 1.2817 0.04620 142 109 26 7
1154 That's his Elvis personna. 1.2817 0.04283 142 106 32 4
1155 I liked it better feathered. 1.2817 0.03918 142 103 38 1
1156 He’s into this whole ‘raptor without a cause’ phase. 1.2816 0.05239 103 78 21 4
1157 Wait ‘til you see his Elvis impersonation.Fantastic! 1.2815 0.04661 135 103 26 6
1158 Look, none of us like being bald, but that is ridiculous! 1.2815 0.04661 135 103 26 6
1159 He told me that he can’t help falling in love with me. 1.2810 0.04586 153 119 25 9
1160 He’s a birdbrain 1.2810 0.05146 121 94 20 7
1161 Well, he's a lousy raptor, but he keeps the kids amused. 1.2810 0.05278 121 95 18 8
1162 It's "They / Them" now. 1.2810 0.05407 121 96 16 9
1163 He's mine! 1.2810 0.04871 121 92 24 5
1164 It's an act of pure hairesy. 1.2810 0.05010 121 93 22 6
1165 Elvis just flew out of the building. 1.2807 0.05361 114 89 18 7
1166 Not just president of the Hair Club for Wren but also a client. 1.2807 0.05214 114 88 20 6
1167 I think he's taken his support for Trump just a little too far. 1.2806 0.05209 139 112 15 12
1168 He thinks he's Don Henley. 1.2804 0.05602 107 84 16 7
1169 It’s just a little too Liberace. 1.2804 0.05108 107 81 22 4
1170 He's big in New York real estate. 1.2804 0.05757 107 85 14 8
1171 It's fine FEATHERS that make fine birds, but evidently he didn't get the memo. 1.2804 0.05277 107 82 20 5
1172 He's also a client. 1.2803 0.04965 132 103 21 8
1173 You should hear him sing Hound Dog. 1.2803 0.04965 132 103 21 8
1174 I hear he bought a Corvette too… 1.2803 0.04344 132 98 31 3
1175 The combover was worse 1.2800 0.05519 100 77 18 5
1176 Don't blame me. You're the one who wanted to name his Elvis. 1.2800 0.04628 125 94 27 4
1177 He's opening for The Byrds. 1.2797 0.04483 143 109 28 6
1178 That dye job is a dead give away that he's back on the market again. 1.2797 0.04946 118 90 23 5
1179 You should see his Willy Nelson getup. 1.2797 0.05231 118 92 19 7
1180 I TOLD you Elvis was still alive! 1.2795 0.04511 161 126 25 10
1181 He’s migrating to Vegas this year. 1.2794 0.04631 136 104 26 6
1182 These Elvis impersonators are getting on my nerves. 1.2793 0.05604 111 88 15 8
1183 How about rug head. 1.2793 0.05303 111 86 19 6
1184 So that's what happened to the nest. 1.2793 0.05147 111 85 21 5
1185 I don’t know if you remember Steve Allen, but he’s the spitting image. 1.2791 0.04399 129 96 30 3
1186 He’s an Elvis impersonator at night. 1.2791 0.04794 129 99 24 6
1187 He forfeited all his federal protections. For what? Vanity, that's what. 1.2788 0.06027 104 84 11 9
1188 It’s still a rug. 1.2787 0.04694 122 92 26 4
1189 I suddenly feel... naked. 1.2787 0.04694 122 92 26 4
1190 He only answers to “Bold” eagle now. 1.2786 0.04427 140 106 29 5
1191 He misheard a nature film crew. He thought they said we were going distinct. 1.2785 0.04294 158 121 30 7
1192 He's compensating for small talons. 1.2784 0.05815 97 76 15 6
1193 Mid -migratory crisis 1.2784 0.05627 97 75 17 5
1194 Who's that hunk, a hunk of burning love? 1.2783 0.05174 115 89 20 6
1195 He's going to be an Elvis impresonator. 1.2783 0.05319 115 90 18 7
1196 Makes him look ten years younger! 1.2783 0.05319 115 90 18 7
1197 If this catches on with the ladies, we’re in big trouble. 1.2783 0.05174 115 89 20 6
1198 He’s big into cosplay. 1.2783 0.05319 115 90 18 7
1199 Does this mean her pronouns have changed or is this just her Elvis phase? 1.2782 0.04695 133 102 25 6
1200 He does it for the chicks. 1.2781 0.04322 151 115 30 6
1201 I'm hoping he'll feather my nest. 1.2778 0.05556 108 85 16 7
1202 Now that we are off the endangered species list, he's moved on to the next big challenge. 1.2778 0.05235 108 83 20 5
1203 It's just so embarrassing, everyone already knows he's a bald eagle 1.2778 0.04971 144 115 18 11
1204 He'd have a much better chance with me if he lost the rug and laid off the cheeseburgers! 1.2778 0.04865 126 97 23 6
1205 And people are saying the bald eagle is going extinct. 1.2774 0.04602 137 105 26 6
1206 The old bird isn't fooling anybody. 1.2774 0.04717 137 106 24 7
1207 He's still bald. 1.2773 0.04762 119 90 25 4
1208 That’s a cardinal sin. 1.2773 0.05053 119 92 21 6
1209 Is he a Mod or Hawk-er? 1.2772 0.05472 101 78 18 5
1210 A toupee? Really? Aren’t we supposed to be bald? 1.2772 0.05822 101 80 14 7
1211 So the symbol for America is a guy with a toupee? 1.2770 0.04680 148 116 23 9
1212 You'd think he'd remember why they call us bald eagles. 1.2769 0.04635 130 99 26 5
1213 It's how he evades the National Geographic paparazzi 1.2769 0.04762 130 100 24 6
1214 It’s real and it’s fabulous. 1.2768 0.05107 112 86 21 5
1215 From DDT and hunters, sure, but they can’t protect us from ourselves. 1.2766 0.05327 94 71 20 3
1216 It's probably not even real. 1.2764 0.04939 123 95 22 6
1217 Still bald. 1.2764 0.04661 123 93 26 4
1218 Of course he used to be a bald eagle, but now he identifies as a mullet. 1.2764 0.05202 123 97 18 8
1219 It’s a cover-up for a failed hair transplant.” 1.2764 0.04939 123 95 22 6
1220 Dad thinks the toupe makes him look Presidential. 1.2762 0.05661 105 83 15 7
1221 I know, but he’s humming ‘Pretty Woman’. It’s gotta be him. 1.2762 0.05152 105 80 21 4
1222 Father's really gone out on a limb this time. 1.2762 0.05152 105 80 21 4
1223 Harry could just never accept that he`s a bald eagle" 1.2761 0.04784 134 104 23 7
1224 Preening works, but wait till he molts. 1.2761 0.04900 134 105 21 8
1225 He's been in denial ever since he heard what they were calling us. 1.2759 0.04320 145 110 30 5
1226 That my pillow guy really went for it didn't he? 1.2759 0.04834 116 88 24 4
1227 Remember, he's not only the President of the company, but he's a client also. 1.2759 0.05135 116 90 20 6
1228 But how does he put it on? 1.2759 0.05135 116 90 20 6
1229 One soaring dive for a mouse and that thing is coming off, guarantee. 1.2759 0.05279 116 91 18 7
1230 You tell him. 1.2759 0.04208 145 109 32 4
1231 HE JUST GOT TIRED OF THAT PEACOCK BALD-SHAMING HIM 1.2756 0.05205 127 101 17 9
1232 ‘Beats a mo-hawk.’ 1.2756 0.04959 127 99 21 7
1233 But can he move like Jagger? 1.2756 0.05084 127 100 19 8
1234 Stanley's been hanging out in the Hamptons. 1.2755 0.05942 98 78 13 7
1235 Seriously, what's next? A Talon-cure? 1.2755 0.05385 98 75 19 4
1236 He's a jailhouse hawk. 1.2754 0.04456 138 105 28 5
1237 The bald eagle expert from the Audubon Society is coming to check him out. They think it's a toupee too. 1.2754 0.04456 138 105 28 5
1238 Sure we're Bald Eagles. But see! Now we don't have to be. 1.2754 0.04908 138 109 20 9
1239 What do you think? should we ask for his autograph? 1.2752 0.05193 109 84 20 5
1240 He's in denial 1.2752 0.05027 109 83 22 4
1241 I bet he's a bald eagle. 1.2752 0.04855 109 82 24 3
1242 He thinks no one can tell it's a toupe. 1.2752 0.05510 109 86 16 7
1243 It's called BALD eagle for a reason. 1.2750 0.05288 120 95 17 8
1244 It’ll come off in the birdbath. 1.2750 0.04728 120 91 25 4
1245 He likes the Elvis look. 1.2750 0.04422 120 89 29 2
1246 Hey babe,meet my cousin Elvis! 1.2748 0.04853 131 102 22 7
1247 He's worn it ever since he flew over Graceland. 1.2748 0.04605 131 100 26 5
1248 Frankly, I preferred his comb over. 1.2747 0.05649 91 70 17 4
1249 Chicks seem to dig it. 1.2746 0.04486 142 109 27 6
1250 Of course it's a wig, we're bald eagles for Christ's sake. 1.2746 0.04808 142 112 21 9
1251 He's got a nice nest in Las Vegas and his face is on the $10,000 dollar chip. 1.2746 0.04486 142 109 27 6
1252 He called me pretty momma 1.2745 0.05601 102 80 16 6
1253 His shrink says it's the Liberace Complex. 1.2745 0.05054 102 77 22 3
1254 Angela, I told you not to take him to see the Elvis movie… 1.2745 0.05424 102 79 18 5
1255 She is undergoing transgender hormone treatments. 1.2743 0.05067 113 87 21 5
1256 He's not only the Bird Hair Club president, he's also a client. 1.2743 0.05370 113 89 17 7
1257 You should see his Elvis impressions! 1.2742 0.04768 124 95 24 5
1258 He figured out to become endangered again 1.2742 0.05290 124 99 16 9
1259 I told you , I can spot one of those a mile away! 1.2742 0.05164 124 98 18 8
1260 Since he became an Elvis impersonator, he has been too good for us. 1.2741 0.04753 135 105 23 7
1261 He never got used to being a bald eagle. 1.2740 0.04613 146 114 24 8
1262 Now he thinks he’s a big wig! 1.2737 0.05687 95 74 16 5
1263 He says it helps him pick up chicks. 1.2736 0.05110 106 81 21 4
1264 He's dating again. 1.2735 0.04562 117 90 23 4
1265 You can't even escape Elvis impersonators; even here. 1.2735 0.05239 117 92 18 7
1266 Ever since he changed the color from orange to black he seems much more patriotic. 1.2735 0.05239 117 92 18 7
1267 And I'm telling you, he's ashamed to be bald ever since he started dating that harpy Priscilla. 1.2735 0.04949 117 90 22 5
1268 So what are they? A "full-head-of-hair" eagle? 1.2735 0.05096 117 91 20 6
1269 The stigma of baldness just got to him. 1.2734 0.04668 128 98 25 5
1270 Junior's got a gig as an Elvis impersonator. 1.2734 0.04798 128 99 23 6
1271 Wonder if he can shake his hips like Elvis too. 1.2734 0.05169 128 102 17 9
1272 He swears it's not a comb over. 1.2734 0.04544 139 107 26 6
1273 He got tired of birders calling him a 'bald eagle.' 1.2733 0.04427 150 116 27 7
1274 Bald is beautiful 1.2727 0.05279 132 107 14 11
1275 Elvis wants a Cracker. 1.2727 0.05466 110 87 16 7
1276 Really? That is SO fake 1.2727 0.04979 121 94 21 6
1277 Mating season seems to come earlier every year. 1.2727 0.05151 110 85 20 5
1278 He wants to be called a Hairy Eagle?! 1.2727 0.04699 132 102 24 6
1279 He’s kinda cute, but I think it’s a toupee, whata you think? 1.2727 0.04939 132 104 20 8
1280 Don't you think the mullet would have looked a lot better? 1.2727 0.04939 132 104 20 8
1281 He looks different than his social media. 1.2727 0.04979 121 94 21 6
1282 I don’t think the comb-over will help win the election. 1.2727 0.05710 99 78 15 6
1283 I'm impressed, he's really been branching out! 1.2727 0.05527 99 77 17 5
1284 I keep telling him it means white, but he's so sensitive. 1.2727 0.05140 99 75 21 3
1285 Every family has a weird uncle. 1.2727 0.04987 110 84 22 4
1286 And you're asking me why we're on the edge of extinction? 1.2727 0.05311 110 86 18 6
1287 Land of the brave, home of the free, rug of the month. 1.2727 0.05055 132 105 18 9
1288 He’s trying to pick up a cockatoo. 1.2727 0.05527 99 77 17 5
1289 Vegas! 1.2721 0.04482 147 114 26 7
1290 Someone should tell Frank that a toupet is not suitable for courtship display. 1.2721 0.04605 136 105 25 6
1291 He stole it off of an Elvis impersonator. 1.2721 0.04722 136 106 23 7
1292 Peacock envy 1.2721 0.04722 136 106 23 7
1293 His confidence has soared. 1.2721 0.04722 136 106 23 7
1294 He's not only the President of the Hair Club for Birds, he's also a customer." 1.2721 0.04836 136 107 21 8
1295 Hide the chicks 1.2720 0.04735 125 96 24 5
1296 We'll be fine. Evolution doesn't have an electoral college. 1.2720 0.05128 125 99 18 8
1297 Wait until he dives at full speed. 1.2720 0.04307 125 93 30 2
1298 Do you think he knows it's obvious? 1.2719 0.04709 114 86 25 3
1299 It was his breakfast rabbit. 1.2719 0.05028 114 88 21 5
1300 Jeremy's no longer a bald eagle 1.2719 0.05028 114 88 21 5
1301 I didn't know he was a Republican. 1.2719 0.05472 114 91 15 8
1302 Something’s different, but I can’t put my talon on it. 1.2718 0.04818 103 77 24 2
1303 He wants to be a Fashion Influencer. It'll never fly. 1.2718 0.05378 103 80 18 5
1304 Now he’s a chick magnet. 1.2718 0.05012 103 78 22 3
1305 I think Frank is going through a mid-life crisis. 1.2714 0.04628 140 109 24 7
1306 Well, since my baby left me Well, I found a new place to dwell Well, it's down at the end of Lonely Street At Hawkbreak Hotel 1.2714 0.04628 140 109 24 7
1307 He’s always preferred The King over The Eagles 1.2713 0.04505 129 98 27 4
1308 See! I told you Elvis was alive! 1.2713 0.04766 129 100 23 6
1309 He's the only remaining comb-over. 1.2713 0.04637 129 99 25 5
1310 It's got to be a wig. 1.2713 0.04891 129 101 21 7
1311 Rather than fly south to Florida, he prefers to spend his winters in Memphis. 1.2713 0.04368 129 97 29 3
1312 He thinks 'bald' turns off too many chicks. 1.2713 0.04766 129 100 23 6
1313 He has been soaring more majestically. 1.2712 0.05058 118 92 20 6
1314 Since his wife gave him that thing, her egg output has doubled. 1.2712 0.04763 118 90 24 4
1315 The comb over is so 80's. 1.2712 0.04609 118 89 26 3
1316 He wants me to get a tramp stamp. 1.2712 0.05337 118 94 16 8
1317 His mother was a Graceland hen from Memphis. 1.2712 0.04609 118 89 26 3
1318 He always puts that on for the mating season. 1.2712 0.05199 118 93 18 7
1319 You know, I think I actually preferred the mullet. 1.2710 0.05240 107 83 19 5
1320 Ya either a bald eagle, or ya ain't a bald eagle? 1.2708 0.04431 144 111 27 6
1321 A beak job usually follows. 1.2708 0.05231 96 73 20 3
1322 He claims to be Elvis incarnate. Thank you very much! 1.2708 0.05826 96 76 14 6
1323 Better than the combover he had. 1.2707 0.05021 133 106 18 9
1324 ... and yet he thinks we can't tell. 1.2705 0.04804 122 94 23 5
1325 If word gets out, our species is doomed! 1.2705 0.05339 122 98 15 9
1326 He is not handling this ‘empty nester’ thing well 1.2705 0.04661 122 93 25 4
1327 Elvis has pooped on the building. 1.2705 0.05339 122 98 15 9
1328 He not fooling anyone but himself. 1.2705 0.05210 122 97 17 8
1329 Should we tell him? 1.2703 0.04948 111 85 22 4
1330 Be supportive, he identifies as a Hairy Woodpecker. 1.2703 0.05422 111 88 16 7
1331 They said we’re making a comeback. Do you think he misunderstood? 1.2703 0.05422 111 88 16 7
1332 He saw it on 'Flocks News'. 1.2701 0.04804 137 108 21 8
1333 Sharon told him she didn't go for bald eagles anymore 1.2701 0.04576 137 106 25 6
1334 He fancies himself the King. 1.2698 0.05214 126 101 16 9
1335 Remember when we were still balding eagles? 1.2698 0.04702 126 97 24 5
1336 If he dyes it orange maybe he can be our next President! 1.2698 0.04835 126 98 22 6
1337 He thinks it makes him look like Joe Pesci. 1.2698 0.04835 126 98 22 6
1338 I bet he can't name three Elvis songs. 1.2698 0.04835 126 98 22 6
1339 He thinks nobody will know. 1.2697 0.04570 152 120 23 9
1340 Eddie, it’s either an Orange Crested Trumpeter…or a bald eagle with a wig… 1.2696 0.05429 115 92 15 8
1341 Now he looks like a turkey. 1.2696 0.04674 115 87 25 3
1342 Yes, he looks good on a perch but whenever he dives it flies off and ruins everything. 1.2692 0.05333 104 81 18 5
1343 Don't read too much into it. He calls everybody "my little chickadee." 1.2692 0.04606 130 100 25 5
1344 He prematurely molted. 1.2692 0.05213 130 105 15 10
1345 Are you going to tell him? Or is it my turn? 1.2690 0.04617 145 114 23 8
1346 He says it takes months off his life. 1.2689 0.04728 119 91 24 4
1347 What makes him so special? I can rock in the tree tops all the day long too. 1.2689 0.05021 119 93 20 6
1348 Yeah, I know it’s shocking- he’s been wearing it since he bit Donald Trump. 1.2689 0.05161 119 94 18 7
1349 Maybe it's intuition, but I feel like he's seeing some bird on the side. 1.2687 0.04389 134 102 28 4
1350 Sure, he looks good, but would he help out sitting on the nest? 1.2687 0.04757 134 105 22 7
1351 He's taking this " Elvis thing" too seriously! 1.2687 0.04637 134 104 24 6
1352 I caught his act. 1.2685 0.04853 108 82 23 3
1353 I'm just not sure the world is ready for squawkabilly. 1.2685 0.05361 108 85 17 6
1354 It's your turn to tell Jim that he isn't a hound dog. 1.2683 0.04628 123 94 25 4
1355 Has he sent his daily tweets to his flock? 1.2683 0.04628 123 94 25 4
1356 Every Halloween he does this Elvis thing and wins first prize 1.2683 0.05042 123 97 19 7
1357 Your turn 1.2683 0.04482 123 93 27 3
1358 It makes sense when you see him playing a guitar. 1.2683 0.04770 123 95 23 5
1359 That look doesn’t fly with me. 1.2680 0.05584 97 76 16 5
1360 Covering up insecurities IS pretty patriotic in a way. 1.2679 0.05071 112 87 20 5
1361 Ever since he got that Elvis toupee he has been insufferable. 1.2679 0.05227 112 88 18 6
1362 Some symbol of America he is! 1.2679 0.05071 112 87 20 5
1363 Not to mention he’s dating a chick half his age. 1.2679 0.05227 112 88 18 6
1364 Birds can have a Mid Life Crisis. 1.2677 0.04802 127 99 22 6
1365 Of course his name is Elvis. Why am I not surprised? 1.2677 0.04802 127 99 22 6
1366 At least we convinced him to ditch the Orange one 1.2677 0.04930 127 100 20 7
1367 I’m sure it’s a comb over 1.2676 0.04347 142 109 28 5
1368 Well, he's trying to set a new standard for the national symbol 1.2673 0.04852 101 76 23 2
1369 He’s hoping to attract a cougar. 1.2673 0.05245 101 78 19 4
1370 Just tell him that you want him, you need him, and you love him. 1.2673 0.05430 101 79 17 5
1371 He looks like he thinks he is entitled 1.2672 0.04640 116 88 25 3
1372 Look what landed on his head. 1.2672 0.04952 116 90 21 5
1373 I tried to tell him it's just what some humans call us. 1.2672 0.04952 116 90 21 5
1374 So he's just an eagle now? 1.2672 0.04798 116 89 23 4
1375 Is that a nest on his head 1.2672 0.04798 116 89 23 4
1376 I keep trying to tell him it's just a name, but he won't listen. 1.2672 0.04952 116 90 21 5
1377 He has a million subscribers. 1.2672 0.04952 116 90 21 5
1378 You should see his orange toupee! 1.2672 0.04825 131 103 21 7
1379 How's that going to look when he gets in the jetstream? 1.2672 0.04825 131 103 21 7
1380 There's something different about Mary. 1.2672 0.04945 131 104 19 8
1381 He expects America will be great again, again. 1.2671 0.04157 146 111 31 4
1382 Worst comb-over ever. 1.2667 0.04841 120 93 22 5
1383 Now, who gets stoned? 1.2667 0.05193 90 68 20 2
1384 Don’t judge him until you hear ‘Love me tender’ 1.2667 0.04694 120 92 24 4
1385 He may look like Elvis, but he don't SING like Elvis! 1.2667 0.05257 120 96 16 8
1386 In homage to Zelenskyy. 1.2667 0.04984 120 94 20 6
1387 Will this affect our species? 1.2667 0.05624 105 84 14 7
1388 It’s crazy what going vegan can do to your head. 1.2667 0.04740 105 79 24 2
1389 And he wonders why he can't get a date. 1.2667 0.04929 105 80 22 3
1390 He said he identifies as a Hummingbird now 1.2662 0.04852 139 111 19 9
1391 Ever since he got the you know what. He's been you know what. 1.2661 0.04737 124 96 23 5
1392 He claims his good looks saved us from extinction. 1.2661 0.04737 124 96 23 5
1393 Try flying with that thing on. 1.2661 0.04873 124 97 21 6
1394 The Elvis has landed. 1.2661 0.05475 109 87 15 7
1395 We may be birds of a feather,but he likes to stand out. 1.2661 0.05317 109 86 17 6
1396 He can't wear that and still want to be called the national bird. 1.2661 0.04988 109 84 21 4
1397 He may be handsome, but he’s not very good in the nest. 1.2661 0.05475 109 87 15 7
1398 He must be running for office. 1.2661 0.04814 109 83 23 3
1399 He tweeted that he's the reincarnation of Elvis. 1.2661 0.05317 109 86 17 6
1400 Definitely a rug. 1.2656 0.04503 128 98 26 4
1401 That high-pitched squawk will take some getting used to ..... 1.2656 0.04638 128 99 24 5
1402 You know Miguel was never comfortable being a bald eagle. From as early as I can remember he flew with a totally different crowd. 1.2655 0.05336 113 90 16 7
1403 He says it's his "thinking-cap" for telepathically declassifying Top-Secret documents. 1.2655 0.05186 113 89 18 6
1404 He didn’t like the adjective. 1.2655 0.04872 113 87 22 4
1405 Clearly he's not from our branch of the family. 1.2655 0.04872 113 87 22 4
1406 He’s lookin’ fly… hah 1.2653 0.05720 98 78 14 6
1407 Her therapist thought it might assist with her transitioning 1.2652 0.05028 132 106 17 9
1408 Through fans like him, the spirit of Elvis will never die. 1.2652 0.05028 132 106 17 9
1409 And he’s started shaking his tail feather every time he screeches… 1.2652 0.04670 132 103 23 6
1410 I cant stand it - he thinks it makes him look more patriotic. 1.2652 0.04670 132 103 23 6
1411 I don't think I want to be the national bird anymore. 1.2650 0.05063 117 92 19 6
1412 So far as I'm concerned, the hair-piece eagle is not as rare as it ought to be. 1.2650 0.05206 117 93 17 7
1413 Got tired of being confused with a Bald Eagle! 1.2647 0.05561 102 81 15 6
1414 Elvis has flown out of the building. 1.2647 0.04810 136 108 20 8
1415 Winters at Graceland. 1.2647 0.05383 102 80 17 5
1416 If you think that's weird, you should see him wearing blue suede shoes. 1.2647 0.05009 102 78 21 3
1417 Not only that...he just picked up a guitar 1.2645 0.04806 121 94 22 5
1418 I wonder with all the money spent on the hair, he still has enough to pay the lawyers? 1.2645 0.05218 121 97 16 8
1419 Before Elvis, he always wore a crew cut 1.2645 0.05084 121 96 18 7
1420 Do you want to tell him, or should I? 1.2645 0.04947 121 95 20 6
1421 He claims it’s a hit with all the chicks. 1.2645 0.04806 121 94 22 5
1422 Once the poor guy started growing hair he lost all his confidence. 1.2642 0.05069 106 82 20 4
1423 I told you not to complement his singing 1.2642 0.04889 106 81 22 3
1424 He thinks it will help him meet chicks. 1.2642 0.05069 106 82 20 4
1425 I think he's having a flydentity crisis. 1.2642 0.05412 106 84 16 6
1426 He refers to himself as the "Millennial Falcon." 1.2640 0.04703 125 97 23 5
1427 It’s all quite sordid, you know. His wife left him for a Golden Eagle 1.2640 0.04703 125 97 23 5
1428 Do I call him Wig Eagle now? 1.2640 0.05098 125 100 17 8
1429 I’ve always said, just go gracefully. 1.2640 0.04564 125 96 25 4
1430 Is he compensating for something or does he have a date? 1.2639 0.04515 144 113 24 7
1431 He says pompadour is the new bald 1.2637 0.05813 91 72 14 5
1432 It won't catch on at the Treasury. 1.2637 0.05376 91 70 18 3
1433 She’s not like other girls 1.2636 0.04948 110 85 21 4
1434 I heard he headed the Graceland migration 1.2636 0.05274 110 87 17 6
1435 He said he's hoping it helps with his Canadian citizenship. 1.2636 0.04736 129 101 22 6
1436 Big deal. Apparently, I can talk! 1.2636 0.04862 129 102 20 7
1437 Yeah, the Rogaine worked great, but then he had to push it with Giuliani hair dye. 1.2636 0.04607 129 100 24 5
1438 It's his mother's. 1.2636 0.04985 129 103 18 8
1439 Well, let's put it this way...I don't think they'll be changing our image on the dollar anytime soon. 1.2636 0.04862 129 102 20 7
1440 He’s running for President. 1.2632 0.06386 95 79 7 9
1441 If you want to get on his good side,just mention how presidential you think he looks. 1.2632 0.05011 95 72 21 2
1442 You’ve got to admit it makes him look years younger. 1.2632 0.04387 133 102 27 4
1443 So when are you getting yours? 1.2632 0.05011 95 72 21 2
1444 Yup retired! No more flying. He’s driving a red Corvette! 1.2632 0.04640 133 104 23 6
1445 He says his name is Elvis. 1.2632 0.04671 114 87 24 3
1446 'The Presley's tried to adopt him." 1.2632 0.04387 133 102 27 4
1447 He bitterly resented being described as a bald eagle. 1.2627 0.05167 118 94 17 7
1448 The Republicans wanted to use him in their ads, but Trump did not like the bald look? 1.2627 0.04572 118 90 25 3
1449 Uh, yea. You can find anything on Amazon… 1.2627 0.05025 118 93 19 6
1450 He never could deal with being bald. 1.2627 0.04878 118 92 21 5
1451 Johnny thinks he's some kind of hawkahawka burning dove. 1.2627 0.04878 118 92 21 5
1452 Someone needs to tell him that we’re not literally bald. 1.2626 0.05292 99 77 18 4
1453 He says it's natural. He doesn't use hair coloring. At least it's not orange. 1.2623 0.04911 122 96 20 6
1454 It's not Rogaine. Guess again. 1.2623 0.04478 122 93 26 3
1455 He claims his great-grandfather knew the Birdman of Alcatraz." 1.2621 0.05155 103 80 19 4
1456 Oh yeah, that'll really fool the chicks! 1.2621 0.05155 103 80 19 4
1457 Well he ain’t ever caught a rabbit and he ain’t no friebd of mine 1.2621 0.05512 103 82 15 6
1458 The eagle has landed... a new job at Rogaine. 1.2621 0.05155 103 80 19 4
1459 He identifies as a Senator. 1.2621 0.05337 103 81 17 5
1460 That’s my cousin Vinny. He’s dating a young chick. 1.2621 0.05682 103 83 13 7
1461 Do you think we should tell him?! 1.2621 0.04487 145 114 24 7
1462 Quick! Get him a mirror! 1.2619 0.04805 126 99 21 6
1463 He says he got it at Liberace's estate sale. 1.2619 0.04533 126 97 25 4
1464 He snatched it right off Trump's head. 1.2619 0.05648 84 65 16 3
1465 Don’t tell him Elvis is dead. 1.2617 0.04405 149 117 25 7
1466 I heard a thousand baby crows died to make it. 1.2615 0.04443 130 100 26 4
1467 He hates being a bald eagle 1.2615 0.04829 130 103 20 7
1468 He used to have a comb over 1.2613 0.05386 111 89 15 7
1469 He did it on a dare when we were migrating through Graceland. 1.2613 0.04739 111 85 23 3
1470 He recently got a hair transplant! 1.2613 0.04909 111 86 21 4
1471 Why? Why won't you let an Elvis impersonator marry us? 1.2613 0.05386 111 89 15 7
1472 Not only is that a wig, he also had a beak job! 1.2613 0.04739 111 85 23 3
1473 Seriously I think he uses conditioner. 1.2613 0.05232 111 88 17 6
1474 Locks are his love language.” 1.2613 0.04739 111 85 23 3
1475 He was Guliani;s bord. 1.2612 0.04729 134 106 21 7
1476 His wig is a bald faced lie. 1.2612 0.04359 134 103 27 4
1477 He heard that guy from the U.S. Mint was in town. 1.2612 0.04486 134 104 25 5
1478 I mean, around these parts, he kind of is the king. 1.2609 0.04797 115 89 22 4
1479 I don't know...I kinda like it. 1.2609 0.04954 115 90 20 5
1480 We call him the Ego Eagle 1.2609 0.04636 115 88 24 3
1481 What’s a “hound dog?” 1.2609 0.04635 138 109 22 7
1482 American toupee, my rear tail feathers, we both know it's made in China. 1.2609 0.04954 115 90 20 5
1483 He says in a former life he was Elvis. Which is kind of sad, cause all he can do now is screech. 1.2609 0.05396 115 93 14 8
1484 Really? Make Eagles Great Again? 1.2609 0.05545 92 72 16 4
1485 What the flock? 1.2609 0.04954 115 90 20 5
1486 I'm waiting for an updraft 1.2609 0.05960 92 74 12 6
1487 I heard he just bought a Porsche 1.2609 0.04954 115 90 20 5
1488 Nothing attracts me like a great head of nesting material . 1.2605 0.04842 119 93 21 5
1489 Seriously? His biggest concern is going bald? 1.2605 0.04842 119 93 21 5
1490 HairClub for Birds of Prey. 1.2605 0.04842 119 93 21 5
1491 well... look who just got back from Graceland 1.2605 0.04842 119 93 21 5
1492 I think becoming a national symbol has gone to his head. 1.2604 0.05969 96 78 11 7
1493 You can always tell the vain ones in the group. 1.2604 0.04966 96 73 21 2
1494 Are you gonna tell him he looks like a cockatiel? 1.2604 0.05389 96 75 17 4
1495 I told you we shouldn’t have named him Elvis. 1.2602 0.04447 123 94 26 3
1496 Another one lost to Hair Club for Eagles. 1.2602 0.04737 123 96 22 5
1497 I dunno. It could be the Liberace. Could be the Marv Albert. 1.2602 0.05011 123 98 18 7
1498 He also bought a Ferrari and started dating an eagle that could be his daughter. 1.2600 0.05435 100 79 16 5
1499 If we knock off his wig, humans legally can't pick it up. 1.2598 0.04900 127 101 19 7
1500 Baldy eagle no more. 1.2598 0.04501 127 98 25 4
1501 Vanity of vanities, all is vanity, and there is nothing new under the rug. 1.2596 0.04732 104 79 23 2
1502 Since his baby left him, he's found a new branch to dwell. 1.2596 0.05465 104 83 15 6
1503 It all started when he ate a peanut butter and banana sandwich. 1.2596 0.05465 104 83 15 6
1504 No wonder Mom left!!! 1.2596 0.05112 104 81 19 4
1505 His Mother Was a Hairyer’s Hawk. 1.2595 0.04796 131 104 20 7
1506 I think I heard his mother say she wanted him to be some kind of a Cardinal 1.2595 0.04796 131 104 20 7
1507 He's had this Liberace thing going on for a while now. 1.2595 0.04414 131 101 26 4
1508 "He does Elvis videos for Tik Tok. 1.2593 0.04810 108 83 22 3
1509 He’s always been an Elvis fan. 1.2593 0.04698 135 107 21 7
1510 He was hired to do a Trump campaign video. They said baldness projects weakness. 1.2593 0.05158 108 85 18 5
1511 I'm not sure what he is anymore. 1.2593 0.05158 108 85 18 5
1512 Donald believes it makes him more virile, more attractive, more intelligent. He’s always had an unusual relationship with reality. 1.2593 0.05483 108 87 14 7
1513 He needs it on his chest, not his head. 1.2590 0.04373 139 108 26 5
1514 If he gets the gig, they’re going to have change all the flagpoles. 1.2590 0.04490 139 109 24 6
1515 He's practicing his Elvis crone. 1.2589 0.04871 112 87 21 4
1516 Most of us get over it… 1.2589 0.05033 112 88 19 5
1517 He flew in from Vegas last night. 1.2589 0.05033 112 88 19 5
1518 Some people just can't accept that they're bald. 1.2586 0.04761 116 90 22 4
1519 It's a Magabird. You can tell by their distinctive toupees. 1.2586 0.05492 116 95 12 9
1520 ' I heard he has candelabra in his nest." 1.2586 0.05066 116 92 18 6
1521 He can wear all the wigs he wants to, nobody's going to stop calling him bald. 1.2586 0.04761 116 90 22 4
1522 Don't say anything. He thinks he looks ten years younger. 1.2586 0.04601 116 89 24 3
1523 He’s not just an eagle, he’s also a customer. 1.2586 0.05212 116 93 16 7
1524 He just turned fifty. 1.2586 0.04761 116 90 22 4
1525 What other hairbrained ideas do you think he’ll come up with? 1.2584 0.05656 89 70 15 4
1526 I guess Elvis has left the building. 1.2583 0.04950 120 95 19 6
1527 Well, I think he looks quite rugged. 1.2583 0.04506 120 92 25 3
1528 I liked him better when he was bald. 1.2583 0.04659 120 93 23 4
1529 He shows up at all the karaoke nests around here. 1.2583 0.04348 120 91 27 2
1530 Yeah, it looks stupid, but he won the Elvis contest in Vegas. 1.2581 0.04974 124 99 18 7
1531 "They told him it's a more humane tracking method than banding." 1.2581 0.04841 124 98 20 6
1532 Don't you think it's a little too obvious? 1.2581 0.04841 124 98 20 6
1533 Elvis look alike, my tail feathers 1.2581 0.04704 124 97 22 5
1534 Well at least it isn't orange, like the other guy's" 1.2578 0.04738 128 101 21 6
1535 You should see him shake his tail feather. 1.2577 0.05538 97 77 15 5
1536 He's been listening to the vulture's music. 1.2577 0.05340 97 76 17 4
1537 He's a rock star, Sweety. You'd look ridiculous 1.2577 0.05135 97 75 19 3
1538 It's so off brand you might think irony, but I don't think that's what he's going for. 1.2577 0.05728 97 78 13 6
1539 He's a real chick magnet. 1.2577 0.05538 97 77 15 5
1540 I say carpet diem! 1.2576 0.04764 132 105 20 7
1541 He's at the age that he needs to do a feather comb over. 1.2574 0.05743 101 82 12 7
1542 He’s going through a mid-flight crisis. 1.2574 0.05567 101 81 14 6
1543 He’s asked that we call him Bold Eagle. 1.2574 0.05387 101 80 16 5
1544 He's not only the owner, he's also a client. 1.2574 0.05387 101 80 16 5
1545 He’ll never pull off a full Elvis with that beak of his. 1.2571 0.05246 105 83 17 5
1546 He said "No I'm not. I *was* bald. 1.2571 0.05418 105 84 15 6
1547 For his 30th reunion he got Botox. 1.2569 0.04379 144 113 25 6
1548 Let’s use his hair for our nest. 1.2569 0.04402 109 82 26 1
1549 Are you going to tell him he looks like Wayne Newton, or am I? 1.2569 0.04947 109 85 20 4
1550 He has delusions of Elvis 1.2569 0.05116 109 86 18 5
1551 Are you sure we're related? 1.2569 0.04591 109 83 24 2
1552 You don't need an Eagle eye, to spot that thing on his head. 1.2566 0.05149 113 90 17 6
1553 He's wearing a slug. 1.2566 0.05149 113 90 17 6
1554 Trump is bald, you know. 1.2566 0.04993 113 89 19 5
1555 And for some reason, he wants us to call him "Liberace." 1.2566 0.04833 113 88 21 4
1556 With a wig like that he’s gonna have hell toupee. 1.2566 0.04494 113 86 25 2
1557 I say he's wearing a rug. 1.2566 0.04993 113 89 19 5
1558 Same feathers but we won’t flock together 1.2566 0.04833 113 88 21 4
1559 It's between a comb over and a come over 1.2566 0.04666 113 87 23 3
1560 Just listen to him. It's obvious he's not the real Elvis. 1.2564 0.04879 117 92 20 5
1561 He said he loves being an Eagle, but he hates being bald. 1.2564 0.04726 117 91 22 4
1562 He just flew in; says he's looking for his own sanctuary. 1.2564 0.04879 117 92 20 5
1563 I didn't vote for him then and I'm not voting for him now. 1.2564 0.04726 117 91 22 4
1564 He’s dating a hot chick 1.2564 0.04253 156 123 26 7
1565 He thinks he'll get more chicks this way. 1.2562 0.04625 121 94 23 4
1566 He said he's just quietly quitting. 1.2562 0.04914 121 96 19 6
1567 He took the "bald" part really personally 1.2562 0.04474 121 93 25 3
1568 He looks like an ass with that rug in his head. Not an Eagle. 1.2560 0.04530 125 97 24 4
1569 The First Amendment has clearly gone to his head. 1.2560 0.04806 125 99 20 6
1570 Should we tell him it's a Trump comb-over? 1.2558 0.04832 129 103 19 7
1571 He hasn't taken that wig off ever since he got back from seeing Elvis. 1.2558 0.04705 129 102 21 6
1572 Don't fall for it. It's fake! 1.2558 0.06006 86 69 12 5
1573 But you don't notice when I do my talons. 1.2558 0.04440 129 100 25 4
1574 French eagles prefer a toupee 1.2556 0.04967 133 108 16 9
1575 He thought he would pick up more chicks if he wasn’t bald. 1.2555 0.04275 137 106 27 4
1576 Not gonna help him get the worm, Norman. 1.2553 0.05440 94 74 16 4
1577 Gary wears a toupee. 1.2551 0.05292 98 77 17 4
1578 In retrospect, Ben Franklin was probably right. 1.2551 0.05487 98 78 15 5
1579 Yo, I know his hair is weird but what's up with the leaves? 1.2551 0.05676 98 79 13 6
1580 He knows we are supposed to be bald eagles right? 1.2551 0.05089 98 76 19 3
1581 I mean, who does he think he's kidding? It's right in the goddamned name. 1.2549 0.05155 102 80 18 4
1582 He lived in Nashville, what can I say. 1.2549 0.05340 102 81 16 5
1583 Who judges these captions? Some of them are not funny.Do,they just grab a bunch and pick three and go to lunch. 1.2549 0.05518 102 82 14 6
1584 Where's his guitar? 1.2549 0.05340 102 81 16 5
1585 Much better than the Greek fisherman's cap from last week. 1.2549 0.05155 102 80 18 4
1586 ...and he just bought a nest in Williamsburg. 1.2547 0.05202 106 84 17 5
1587 I'm doing all the lake fish diving because he doesn't want to get his new toupe wet. 1.2547 0.05027 106 83 19 4
1588 Remember when being a Bald Eagle got you laid? 1.2547 0.05372 106 85 15 6
1589 It's his mission to make eagles bold again. 1.2547 0.05537 106 86 13 7
1590 It's ever since he announced his candidacy for President. 1.2547 0.05202 106 84 17 5
1591 Nice do, but have you heard his a cappella voice?! 1.2547 0.05372 106 85 15 6
1592 He’s a balding eagle 1.2547 0.04845 106 82 21 3
1593 I heard he works as an Elvis impersonator on the weekends. 1.2545 0.05236 110 88 16 6
1594 We’re black and white so they can’t tell his comb-over is orange. 1.2545 0.05393 110 89 14 7
1595 He said something about wanting to make America gyrate again. 1.2545 0.04907 110 86 20 4
1596 Toupee eagle just doesn't sound as good. 1.2545 0.04907 110 86 20 4
1597 So now Elvis is our National Bird? 1.2545 0.04555 110 84 24 2
1598 Don't be fooled. His wife got the nest and the eggs. 1.2545 0.05236 110 88 16 6
1599 Being the national bird doesn't make him "king," ya know! 1.2545 0.04907 110 86 20 4
1600 It's not exactly a thinking cap. 1.2545 0.05393 110 89 14 7
1601 Yeah right! like no one can tell 1.2545 0.04907 110 86 20 4
1602 Why don't you explain to him male baldness is genetic. 1.2544 0.05109 114 91 17 6
1603 But when he does a fly over,the comb over goes the wrong way. 1.2542 0.04371 118 90 26 2
1604 Underneath it all, he’s still a bald eagle. 1.2542 0.04690 118 92 22 4
1605 I heard he's dating again. 1.2542 0.04842 118 93 20 5
1606 I wanted to do the same migration as last year, but no, you insisted we go a little farther south of the border. 1.2542 0.04842 118 93 20 5
1607 He recently saw a flock of seagulls. 1.2542 0.05272 118 96 14 8
1608 He’d like to be a northern harrier. 1.2541 0.04737 122 96 21 5
1609 Do you think a midlife crisis is inevitable in this economy? 1.2541 0.04878 122 97 19 6
1610 He didn’t have that much hair in high school 1.2540 0.04499 126 98 24 4
1611 He sits under that leaf so he won't look bald. 1.2540 0.04904 126 101 18 7
1612 Yeah, but he still nests with his mother… 1.2540 0.04355 126 97 26 3
1613 It looks more like a hare than hair. 1.2538 0.05041 130 106 15 9
1614 I wish they'd rerun that Hitchcock movie about us 1.2529 0.05476 87 68 16 3
1615 He sat atop the flagpole at Mar-a-Lago 1.2529 0.05715 87 69 14 4
1616 Who doesn't love a good paradigm shift? 1.2529 0.05715 87 69 14 4
1617 When we head south he wants to stop off In Memphis! 1.2527 0.06171 91 75 9 7
1618 They didn’t have an orange one. 1.2527 0.05321 91 71 17 3
1619 What a shame. Premature hair growth runs in his family. 1.2527 0.05970 91 74 11 6
1620 One peck and I'm off with his rug. 1.2527 0.05762 91 73 13 5
1621 That's global warming for you. Stuff grows where it's not supposed to. 1.2526 0.05177 95 74 18 3
1622 Chicks go wild over him. 1.2525 0.05044 99 77 19 3
1623 That boy is looking pretty fly. 1.2524 0.05110 103 81 18 4
1624 Well it did help him land a job with cable news. 1.2524 0.05293 103 82 16 5
1625 He actually looked worse when he tried the comb-over. 1.2524 0.04411 103 80 21 2
1626 I told you Elvis wasn’t dead. 1.2524 0.05470 103 83 14 6
1627 He's been wearing it ever since he learned to sing Heartbreak Hotel. 1.2524 0.05293 103 82 16 5
1628 That’s George. He couln’t grow a duck tail. 1.2524 0.04921 103 80 20 3
1629 It gets worse…moving to Memphis. 1.2524 0.05470 103 83 14 6
1630 Great hair, good abs, and, he's available. 1.2524 0.05110 103 81 18 4
1631 Don't fly over the cuckoo's nest 1.2523 0.04985 107 84 19 4
1632 Think he’ll run in 2024? 1.2523 0.04423 107 81 25 1
1633 You can totally tell that it's fake. 1.2523 0.05194 111 89 16 6
1634 I guess the mating call just wasn't working for him anymore. 1.2523 0.04868 111 87 20 4
1635 I miss Prince, too, but..." 1.2523 0.04519 111 85 24 2
1636 He wants to be the national bird. 1.2522 0.04759 115 90 21 4
1637 Next, he's getting an orange tan. 1.2522 0.05217 115 93 15 7
1638 I suggested orange, but he thought he would be even more endangered. 1.2522 0.05069 115 92 17 6
1639 Wow, I think it’s Eaglebird Humperdinck. 1.2522 0.04759 115 90 21 4
1640 Does he think we don't notice? 1.2522 0.04916 115 91 19 5
1641 Still don’t believe in evolution 1.2522 0.04916 115 91 19 5
1642 His mother was a Bald Eagle, so genetics was against him. 1.2521 0.04656 119 93 22 4
1643 Does he think we’re blind eagles? 1.2521 0.04806 119 94 20 5
1644 Harold has decided to ditch the bald eagle look. 1.2521 0.04656 119 93 22 4
1645 Looks like Brian finally got on Tinder. 1.2521 0.04952 119 95 18 6
1646 We just call him, "The Donald." 1.2521 0.04952 119 95 18 6
1647 He's convinced it looks like natural feathers. 1.2521 0.04952 119 95 18 6
1648 The worst part is that he didn't even bother to get one that was made in the U.S. 1.2521 0.04806 119 94 20 5
1649 Now, there's a mullet that's bad for your digestion. 1.2521 0.04952 119 95 18 6
1650 The word ‘bald’ is right in the name.” 1.2521 0.04656 119 93 22 4
1651 It works! The prairie dogs think he's just a duck. 1.2520 0.04978 123 99 17 7
1652 I suppose the combover was worse, but really? 1.2520 0.04703 123 97 21 5
1653 Yeah, that’s new… A little bird told me he’s got his eye on a cockatoo 10 years his junior 1.2520 0.04467 127 99 24 4
1654 He thinks it makes him look "not bald." 1.2520 0.04869 127 102 18 7
1655 He wanted a new look, but there was Hell toupee. 1.2520 0.04996 127 103 16 8
1656 DONALD'S DYE JOB IS NOT PARTICULARLY SEXY. NEITHER ARE HIS SMALL CLAWS. 1.2519 0.04888 131 106 17 8
1657 And he STILL wants federal protection. 1.2519 0.04786 135 109 18 8
1658 Yeah, he's dating a crested grouse half his age 1.2500 0.05152 112 90 16 6
1659 He’s just messing with the birdwatchers. 1.2500 0.05270 92 72 17 3
1660 He thinks he is the reincarnation of Elvis. 1.2500 0.04766 108 84 21 3
1661 Now thats an american eagle! (elvis voice) “uh huh huhh” 1.2500 0.05541 96 77 14 5
1662 John wants to get a job in Vegas. 1.2500 0.05198 100 79 17 4
1663 And here I thought he was just another transplant from up north .. 1.2500 0.05705 92 74 13 5
1664 He keeps saying he’s the reincarnation of someone named Elvis… 1.2500 0.04830 112 88 20 4
1665 He loses one every time he dives for fish. 1.2500 0.04526 124 97 23 4
1666 Try not to stare at the toupee. 1.2500 0.04879 116 92 19 5
1667 I guess being a bald eagle just wasn't his thing. 1.2500 0.05067 104 82 18 4
1668 I tried to feed it to the kids and now he's not talking to me. 1.2500 0.05339 96 76 16 4
1669 It doesn't even match her breast feathers! 1.2500 0.04467 120 93 24 3
1670 He's gunning for the Audubon centerfield. 1.2500 0.05423 104 84 14 6
1671 He promised me he'd look more masculine. I'm still waiting! 1.2500 0.05705 92 74 13 5
1672 He said he wants to make America great again. 1.2500 0.04830 112 88 20 4
1673 at least it's not an orange comb-over. 1.2500 0.05306 112 91 14 7
1674 A comb-over wasn't good enough for him! 1.2500 0.04638 136 109 20 7
1675 He says it makes him feel younger. 1.2500 0.04754 136 110 18 8
1676 He was the front man of the Eagles... 1.2500 0.05339 96 76 16 4
1677 Looks like Samson found a new stylist. 1.2500 0.05177 116 94 15 7
1678 That must be a Hairis Hawk. 1.2500 0.05339 96 76 16 4
1679 Ever since he's back, it's always, "Viva Las Vegas" 1.2500 0.05067 104 82 18 4
1680 Birds of a feather clearly don't style hair together. 1.2500 0.05067 104 82 18 4
1681 It's dngerous not to have a partner. Without one you can't be the "two in the bush." 1.2500 0.04352 132 103 25 4
1682 Notice there’s very little on his chest. 1.2500 0.04879 104 81 20 3
1683 Elvis the Eagle has just left the nest! 1.2500 0.04397 136 107 24 5
1684 Another endangered animal swept under the rug.” 1.2500 0.04994 112 89 18 5
1685 Hope is the thing with feathers! You can say that again. 1.2500 0.04879 104 81 20 3
1686 No, he can't play guitar, but then, neither could Elvis 1.2500 0.04830 112 88 20 4
1687 Now do you see why I think he's planning to run for office? 1.2500 0.05389 100 80 15 5
1688 I think he's pandering to his MAGA base. 1.2500 0.04394 116 89 25 2
1689 He also still calls us 'chicks.' 1.2500 0.04526 124 97 23 4
1690 He's been dating a titmouse. 1.2500 0.04879 104 81 20 3
1691 Love Me Tender" is what he. said 1.2500 0.04915 120 96 18 6
1692 He only sings showtunes. 1.2500 0.05000 100 78 19 3
1693 "It's a midlife crisis. He's all shook up. 1.2500 0.04722 116 91 21 4
1694 I heard it wasn’t even made in America 1.2500 0.05116 108 86 17 5
1695 It's true; we're no longer flocking together. 1.2500 0.05339 96 76 16 4
1696 He's Jewish 1.2500 0.04830 112 88 20 4
1697 I always said he'd do anything to date a Golden Eagle 1.2500 0.04807 124 99 19 6
1698 I don't care. I'm still calling him a bald eagle. 1.2500 0.04771 120 95 20 5
1699 He certainly isn’t a BALD eagle. 1.2500 0.05339 96 76 16 4
1700 And now he thinks he should be on the one-dollar bill. 1.2500 0.04911 96 74 20 2
1701 He's taken us to another level-pompadour and circumstance. 1.2500 0.05705 92 74 13 5
1702 He keeps saying “Make eagles great again.” 1.2483 0.04558 149 121 19 9
1703 He not only owns the Avian Bird Hair Club but he's a member! 1.2481 0.04453 133 105 23 5
1704 Whadda yeh think, worst comb-over ever? 1.2481 0.04579 133 106 21 6
1705 not only can he fly but you should see him shake his booty. 1.2480 0.04636 125 99 21 5
1706 He's my sweet tweet treat, if you catch my drift. 1.2480 0.04636 125 99 21 5
1707 He's actually nothing but a hound dog. 1.2480 0.04636 125 99 21 5
1708 He's ruining our reputation. 1.2480 0.04773 125 100 19 6
1709 Hey look, it's Elvis Preys-ley. 1.2480 0.04773 125 100 19 6
1710 He’s the rebel of the family 1.2480 0.05036 125 102 15 8
1711 It's karaoke tonight. Other than that, who knows? 1.2479 0.04879 121 97 18 6
1712 He’s thinking of chirping in Vegas 1.2479 0.04588 121 95 22 4
1713 Don't mention it . Unlike us he's embarrassed by being a bald eagle. 1.2479 0.04879 121 97 18 6
1714 That, my friend, is the very rare Pompadour Eagle. 1.2479 0.04687 117 92 21 4
1715 He grew tired of living a life that was a bald-faced lie. 1.2479 0.04991 117 94 17 6
1716 He said it's called a 'hair system'. 1.2478 0.05111 113 91 16 6
1717 Wow. Talk about “Desperado”. 1.2478 0.05411 113 93 12 8
1718 I told him that he looks better bald. 1.2478 0.04792 113 89 20 4
1719 Technically he's still bald right? 1.2478 0.04792 113 89 20 4
1720 "Look, a comb over eagle," said no one ever. 1.2478 0.04624 113 88 22 3
1721 Didn't he leave the building? 1.2478 0.04792 113 89 20 4
1722 He thinks he's exy, but he's not. 1.2478 0.04450 113 87 24 2
1723 YES,HE CAN SING...BUT CAN HE WIGGLE HIS TAILFEATHERS?? 1.2478 0.04792 113 89 20 4
1724 Since he has been going to concerts as a soloist, he has grown a new hairstyle. 1.2478 0.05111 113 91 16 6
1725 At least it doesn't look like something he fished out of the river. 1.2477 0.05399 109 89 13 7
1726 Actually, he's got a full heard of hair. He just wears that rug so we'll think he's bald. 1.2477 0.04544 109 84 23 2
1727 So far, maybe. But a pelvis? A guitar? Not gonna happen. 1.2477 0.05074 109 87 17 5
1728 He saw a hound dog and something in him sparked. 1.2477 0.05074 109 87 17 5
1729 He still thinks bald eagles are on the endangered list. 1.2477 0.04904 109 86 19 4
1730 If that isn't the king of the jungle. 1.2477 0.04728 109 85 21 3
1731 Rug? He’s looking for the young chicks. 1.2477 0.05239 109 88 15 6
1732 He thinks our name is offensive. 1.2477 0.04544 109 84 23 2
1733 He thinks it will help him pick up younger prey 1.2477 0.04728 109 85 21 3
1734 The Pentagon has started supplying Russian birds with stool softener. 1.2477 0.04904 109 86 19 4
1735 He winters around Graceland. 1.2477 0.05074 109 87 17 5
1736 He's migrating to an aviary in South Florida. 1.2476 0.05376 105 85 14 6
1737 He's no bald eagle - unAmerican! 1.2476 0.05376 105 85 14 6
1738 Ok, but "cracker" will get you into very hot water these days. 1.2476 0.05376 105 85 14 6
1739 It's a toupee. It's called the empty nest syndrome. 1.2476 0.04838 105 82 20 3
1740 He takes everything so literally. 1.2476 0.04645 105 81 22 2
1741 Something strange happened to him after he bit Donald Trump. 1.2475 0.05341 101 81 15 5
1742 If you think that’s bad, until you hear his stance on migration. 1.2475 0.05152 101 80 17 4
1743 ...and he's a vegan too! 1.2475 0.04956 101 79 19 3
1744 he always hated being called a bald eagle! 1.2475 0.05341 101 81 15 5
1745 he wants us to refer to him as a coiffured eagle" 1.2475 0.04956 101 79 19 3
1746 Rug or no rug, everyone knows that he’s still a bird brain. 1.2475 0.04956 101 79 19 3
1747 I told him a million times, “It’s just a stupid name!” 1.2475 0.05341 101 81 15 5
1748 But can he play the guitar? 1.2474 0.05290 97 77 16 4
1749 He’s going out to pick up some chicks. 1.2474 0.05083 97 76 18 3
1750 Don't mention it, or we're all endangered. 1.2473 0.05220 93 73 17 3
1751 Also an election denier -- coincidence? 1.2473 0.06240 93 78 7 8
1752 He's a bird watched. 1.2473 0.05650 93 75 13 5
1753 Looks like he's going through his Liberace phase. 1.2472 0.05367 89 70 16 3
1754 He always plays that trump card!! 1.2472 0.05824 89 72 12 5
1755 Looks like Elvis hasn’t left the building. 1.2472 0.05824 89 72 12 5
1756 And just like that, he’s invented a new species 1.2472 0.05367 89 70 16 3
1757 He knows everyone knows so the question is, why does he do it? 1.2472 0.05824 89 72 12 5
1758 Walt thinks himself a hunka hunka burning love... 1.2472 0.05824 89 72 12 5
1759 He became the national bird of Graceland 1.2472 0.05600 89 71 14 4
1760 You have to stoop pretty low to come up with a rug! 1.2472 0.05824 89 72 12 5
1761 He's so vain. 1.2471 0.05527 85 67 15 3
1762 He calls it "Beyond Bald" 1.2471 0.05775 85 68 13 4
1763 Trust me, it's a toupee. 1.2463 0.04670 134 108 19 7
1764 How long is he going to brood about the inevitable? 1.2462 0.04641 130 104 20 6
1765 Is THIS how bald eagles become extinct? 1.2460 0.04871 126 102 17 7
1766 He’s the national bird of Italy. 1.2460 0.04739 126 101 19 6
1767 No he is not a new species. He just thinks it looks cool. 1.2460 0.04603 126 100 21 5
1768 Wouldn't something made of feathers be less obvious? 1.2460 0.04739 126 101 19 6
1769 Now he only chirps, MAGA,MAGA,MAGA. 1.2460 0.04739 126 101 19 6
1770 He will probably change his name next. 1.2460 0.04463 126 99 23 4
1771 Let’s be groupies. 1.2459 0.04403 122 95 24 3
1772 You should see him when he adds the jumpsuit. 1.2459 0.04701 122 97 20 5
1773 Yeah, his dad was a rooster. 1.2459 0.04555 122 96 22 4
1774 It’s the official symbol of the country club. 1.2458 0.04329 118 91 25 2
1775 I guess that Rogaine stuff really works for some birds. 1.2458 0.04493 118 92 23 3
1776 His beak is an implant too. 1.2458 0.04953 118 95 17 6
1777 You have to love the duck tail, right? 1.2458 0.04805 118 94 19 5
1778 If you think that's ridiculous, wait'll you see the convertible he's driving now. 1.2458 0.04652 118 93 21 4
1779 Looks like Elvis got a hair hat. 1.2458 0.04652 118 93 21 4
1780 Well, you tell him. 1.2456 0.04416 114 88 24 2
1781 Dont say anything about his hat. 1.2456 0.04915 114 91 18 5
1782 Birds of a feather cannot have the same hair together. 1.2456 0.05071 114 92 16 6
1783 If you're using Just For Birds, you're compensating for something. 1.2455 0.04690 110 86 21 3
1784 I'm so freaking jealous right now. 1.2455 0.04865 110 87 19 4
1785 I also went through a phase of denial at that age. 1.2455 0.04690 110 86 21 3
1786 Eddie has been to the salon again. Pretend you don't notice. 1.2453 0.05330 106 86 14 6
1787 It's a used combover cockscomb. 1.2453 0.04982 106 84 18 4
1788 Didn't you hear? Elvis is planning to leave the forest." 1.2453 0.05159 106 85 16 5
1789 Words matter. You think? 1.2453 0.05159 106 85 16 5
1790 I heard he's dating a much younger woman... 1.2453 0.04607 106 82 22 2
1791 He thinks he’s gonna get away with it ... but I can’t wait to see him get taken down for stealing those secret documents and hiding them in his nest. 1.2453 0.05496 106 87 12 7
1792 Minoxidil my ass. 1.2453 0.05159 106 85 16 5
1793 And he claims L.A. didn't change him." 1.2451 0.05294 102 82 15 5
1794 That’s a quick way to get back on the endangered species list. 1.2451 0.05474 102 83 13 6
1795 Implants 1.2451 0.05294 102 82 15 5
1796 Thinks he can avoid extinction. 1.2451 0.04712 102 79 21 2
1797 Excuse me, did he just say he's in love...he's all shook up? 1.2451 0.05294 102 82 15 5
1798 You can always tell. 1.2451 0.04914 102 80 19 3
1799 Just a desperate attempt at brand sabotage, I'd say. 1.2451 0.04712 102 79 21 2
1800 Since he got his new look he insists I refer to him as just "eagle". 1.2449 0.05439 98 79 14 5
1801 It's for his Tinder photo. 1.2449 0.05439 98 79 14 5
1802 Lesson learned: birds can’t pull of toupees 1.2449 0.05439 98 79 14 5
1803 Toupee or not toupee? 1.2449 0.05439 98 79 14 5
1804 He feels the look is more authentically American. 1.2449 0.04601 98 75 22 1
1805 He identifies as a sea eagle. 1.2449 0.05037 98 77 18 3
1806 The color comes from berries. I don’t know where he got the Rogaine. 1.2449 0.05242 98 78 16 4
1807 He thinks the hairpiece will get him to become the new national bird if Trump is re-elected. 1.2449 0.05439 98 79 14 5
1808 His band is called "The Peoples". 1.2449 0.05629 98 80 12 6
1809 Morrie's Wigs don't come off. Even underwater. 1.2449 0.05242 98 78 16 4
1810 It’s a lot like a bikini on a pigeon, isn’t it? 1.2447 0.05796 94 77 11 6
1811 You know he can no longer fly? 1.2447 0.05171 94 74 17 3
1812 He no longer identifies as a bald eagle. 1.2444 0.05314 90 71 16 3
1813 That's known as the Piece Eagle. 1.2442 0.05715 86 69 13 4
1814 He's not just the president, he's a member. 1.2442 0.05715 86 69 13 4
1815 So much for the “bald” eagle 1.2439 0.04667 123 98 20 5
1816 He’s Probably married. 1.2439 0.04217 123 95 26 2
1817 ….and he spends hours each day combing his hair, …. 1.2437 0.05197 119 98 13 8
1818 He thinks that will save himself from being extinct! 1.2437 0.04617 119 94 21 4
1819 I told him it was a can of Rogaine foam, not a fish, but he never listens. 1.2437 0.04297 119 92 25 2
1820 He’s really lowered the bar for the “bird brain” designation. 1.2437 0.04769 119 95 19 5
1821 No it’s not a genetic mutation; he’s just vain. 1.2437 0.05059 119 97 15 7
1822 I heard that he is not just the president of the hair club for eagles- he is a member. 1.2436 0.06103 78 63 11 4
1823 He thinks it makes him look more regal. 1.2435 0.04718 115 91 20 4
1824 His aerie is eerie, too. 1.2435 0.05467 115 96 10 9
1825 Ever since he watched the new Elvis movie he won’t take it off. 1.2435 0.05031 115 93 16 6
1826 Don't forget, Franklin WANTED the turkey. 1.2435 0.04877 115 92 18 5
1827 They’re called breasts and we all have them. 1.2432 0.05610 111 93 9 9
1828 She kicked him out of the nest and he's scavenging for a new mate. 1.2432 0.04992 111 89 17 5
1829 Always has been a trendsetter! 1.2432 0.04826 111 88 19 4
1830 I bet it was made in China 1.2432 0.04473 111 86 23 2
1831 He’s quite literal. 1.2432 0.04992 111 89 17 5
1832 Yeah, well, this eagle dare not tell him what I really think! 1.2432 0.04826 111 88 19 4
1833 He's had a rough time with the empty nest since his kids went off to flight school. 1.2432 0.04286 111 85 25 1
1834 You still insist that nothing happened at your office party. 1.2430 0.04940 107 85 18 4
1835 I had no idea there was a Hair Club for Birds. 1.2430 0.04940 107 85 18 4
1836 Well, he can be mad all he wants, but somebody had to tell him! 1.2430 0.04569 107 83 22 2
1837 I think he misunderstands the term 'fierce' 1.2430 0.04940 107 85 18 4
1838 He just saw the Elvis movie. 1.2430 0.04940 107 85 18 4
1839 He does a great rendition of Blue Suede Shoes. 1.2430 0.05116 107 86 16 5
1840 That is not how I expected us to go extinct. 1.2430 0.05285 107 87 14 6
1841 The polite term is "influencer" 1.2430 0.04759 107 84 20 3
1842 It’s one thing to hide your baldness— another thing to flaunt it. 1.2430 0.04940 107 85 18 4
1843 He says it helps him with the chicks. 1.2430 0.04759 107 84 20 3
1844 It’s not enough he’s on the presidential seal, he wants to be the King, too. 1.2430 0.05285 107 87 14 6
1845 He's touchy about the whole 'bald eagle' thing. 1.2427 0.05426 103 84 13 6
1846 Says he's channeling Aubrey Beardsley. 1.2424 0.04578 132 106 20 6
1847 The funny thing is, we're not. 1.2424 0.04703 132 107 18 7
1848 He's a Trump impersonator 1.2424 0.05759 99 82 10 7
1849 He looks like a cross between Michael Douglas and Elvis!" 1.2424 0.04561 99 76 22 1
1850 Bosely? 1.2424 0.05390 99 80 14 5
1851 He says it’s given him the confidence to be the Bold Eagle he always was inside. 1.2424 0.04782 99 77 20 2
1852 Now that Hollywood has called, Roy has become absolutely unbearable!! 1.2424 0.05390 99 80 14 5
1853 He has always had an identity crisis thingy going on his head". 1.2424 0.05195 99 79 16 4
1854 You tell him his toupee has slipped 1.2424 0.05390 99 80 14 5
1855 Now he's looking at sports cars. 1.2424 0.04992 99 78 18 3
1856 Yes, his barber said he needed to remain relevant. 1.2422 0.04802 128 104 17 7
1857 Check out Seymour. Says he's not only the Hair Club for Eagles president, he's also a client! Looking good, Sy. 1.2422 0.04673 128 103 19 6
1858 He says he's gonna run for President. 1.2421 0.05122 95 75 17 3
1859 Will you tell him we're not really bald, or shall I? 1.2421 0.05337 95 76 15 4
1860 I'm in the next selfie. 1.2421 0.05122 95 75 17 3
1861 She only left him last week, and he's already on the prowl. 1.2419 0.04187 124 96 26 2
1862 That adjective never did seem fair. 1.2419 0.04490 124 98 22 4
1863 He's got the look down pat. Too bad he can't sing. 1.2418 0.05025 91 71 18 2
1864 He is taking the term "Bald Eagle" a little too seriously. 1.2418 0.05490 91 73 14 4
1865 It doubles as a nest. 1.2418 0.05490 91 73 14 4
1866 His preying for hair finally paid off. 1.2418 0.05263 91 72 16 3
1867 Most certainly, it is his choice! I merely suggest that he'd do well to stay out of Trump country. 1.2418 0.05708 91 74 12 5
1868 He obviously doesn't know his old English, where balde just means white. 1.2417 0.04879 120 97 17 6
1869 It's part of his embrace of originalism. 1.2414 0.04519 116 91 22 3
1870 It's an old Donald Trmp reject. 1.2414 0.04839 116 93 18 5
1871 He thinks no one can tell. 1.2414 0.04519 116 91 22 3
1872 I think he's a closet swan. 1.2414 0.04682 116 92 20 4
1873 he's bald 1.2414 0.05656 87 70 13 4
1874 Now that's what I call a Bold Eagle! 1.2414 0.05656 87 70 13 4
1875 He grew it long during Covid and then decided he liked it. 1.2414 0.05656 87 70 13 4
1876 Once the Elvis groupies loved it, he never went back. 1.2411 0.05267 112 92 13 7
1877 He figures a couple of centuries of being put down as "bald" eagles needs a lot to make up for 1.2411 0.04952 112 90 17 5
1878 I knew we shouldn’t have eaten those ‘shrooms. 1.2411 0.04952 112 90 17 5
1879 He's a transhuman... specifically Liberace. 1.2411 0.04787 112 89 19 4
1880 Don't say anything he thinks nobody will notice the wig 1.2410 0.05309 83 65 16 2
1881 They say he's from Memphis. 1.2410 0.05836 83 67 12 4
1882 He must be one of those species deniers. 1.2407 0.04900 108 86 18 4
1883 I don't care about his lack of experience, I'm voting for him for bird president and you can't talk me out of it. 1.2407 0.05073 108 87 16 5
1884 Nobody will know. They're gonna know. 1.2404 0.05020 104 83 17 4
1885 Do you think he even knows? 1.2404 0.04830 104 82 19 3
1886 He is a Not Bald Eagle “. “ 1.2404 0.05202 104 84 15 5
1887 He has treated us badly ever since he got his hairpiece~ 1.2404 0.05020 104 83 17 4
1888 He's always trying to get attention.. 1.2404 0.04830 104 82 19 3
1889 I keep telling him, 'Bald is beautiful,' but he doesn't listen. 1.2404 0.04633 104 81 21 2
1890 What next, a pedicure" 1.2400 0.04738 125 101 18 6
1891 Dinner tonight and a snack for lunch? 1.2400 0.05955 75 60 12 3
1892 Once an Elvis fan,always an Elvis fan. 1.2400 0.04522 100 77 22 1
1893 Donny says if he can comb it over, he isn’t really bald. 1.2400 0.05148 100 80 16 4
1894 Ted never could accept the whole "bald" thing. 1.2400 0.05341 100 81 14 5
1895 You said that the amount of hair I have doesn't matter! 1.2400 0.05148 100 80 16 4
1896 This is the moment when he wants to be silent! 1.2400 0.04948 100 79 18 3
1897 He said his pronoun is they/them. 1.2400 0.05527 100 82 12 6
1898 So, now you never get to complain about having a bad hair day. Understood? 1.2400 0.05527 100 82 12 6
1899 You can really only take being called 'bald' for so long. 1.2397 0.04843 121 98 17 6
1900 Try not to stare…you know how sensitive Bald Eagles can be” 1.2397 0.04395 121 95 23 3
1901 Never trust a male with a rug 1.2397 0.05119 121 100 13 8
1902 Someone told him that baldness was a sign of getting old. 1.2397 0.04549 121 96 21 4
1903 Wait 'til you see his blue suede shoes. 1.2396 0.05075 96 76 17 3
1904 Don't be jealous, he has so many flyaway hairs 1.2396 0.04854 96 75 19 2
1905 What a turkey.... 1.2396 0.05490 96 78 13 5
1906 Well, it doesn't take an eagle eye. 1.2396 0.05075 96 76 17 3
1907 Way better than the Elvis we saw in Vegas. 1.2396 0.05490 96 78 13 5
1908 Look who found a sponsor. 1.2396 0.05287 96 77 15 4
1909 Want to steal that silly orange wig off his head? 1.2393 0.04646 117 93 20 4
1910 His name is Elvis, and they say he can really shake a tailfeather. 1.2393 0.04802 117 94 18 5
1911 He's definitely compensating 1.2393 0.04802 117 94 18 5
1912 He told me, "What happened in Vegas, stays in Vegas" 1.2391 0.05651 92 75 12 5
1913 He is a little full of himself. 1.2391 0.05436 92 74 14 4
1914 You were the one who wanted to elope. 1.2391 0.05212 92 73 16 3
1915 Who’s he kidding? 1.2389 0.04580 113 89 21 3
1916 Rolo got lucky more often before the toupee 1.2389 0.05071 113 92 15 6
1917 Ya gotta admit, his Elvis is pretty good. 1.2389 0.04913 113 91 17 5
1918 He wants to be Elvis for Halloween 1.2389 0.04749 113 90 19 4
1919 Apparently being bald is no longer a thing 1.2389 0.04580 113 89 21 3
1920 He’s been wigging out a lot lately 1.2389 0.05225 113 93 13 7
1921 Cockatoo to you too! 1.2389 0.05071 113 92 15 6
1922 Your father thinks it makes him look younger 1.2389 0.04749 113 90 19 4
1923 Apparently he just flew back from the City 1.2389 0.05225 113 93 13 7
1924 But does he sing as well as Elvis? 1.2389 0.05225 113 93 13 7
1925 He claims it's a special order from Alopecia's...worth the extra price he had to pay. 1.2389 0.04749 113 90 19 4
1926 His wife recently left him. 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
1927 He thinks its undetectable. 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
1928 I heard they took feathers from his tail… 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
1929 He thinks he's Eaglebert Humperdinck 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
1930 Get off me, he is mine 1.2385 0.04303 109 84 24 1
1931 It’s a combover. 1.2385 0.05031 109 88 16 5
1932 We’re supposed to be bald for heavens sake! 1.2385 0.05031 109 88 16 5
1933 He was thinking of coonskin, but settled for skunk. 1.2385 0.05197 109 89 14 6
1934 He's always been an odd bird 1.2385 0.04496 109 85 22 2
1935 He hasn't tweeted in weeks. 1.2385 0.04496 109 85 22 2
1936 Traitor to the species or creative self expression, you tell me! 1.2381 0.04977 105 84 17 4
1937 Steal it from him and we can use it to line our cage. 1.2381 0.04789 105 83 19 3
1938 What did papa bird not get. He is my heir. 1.2381 0.06017 84 69 10 5
1939 He thinks that rug looks like feathers 1.2381 0.04977 105 84 17 4
1940 If he comes over, don’t stare at his toupee. 1.2381 0.04977 105 84 17 4
1941 I just love the undetectable toupee. 1.2377 0.04664 122 98 19 5
1942 He's going to ruin it for all of us. 1.2377 0.04516 122 97 21 4
1943 I can spot a toup' a mile away. 1.2377 0.04946 122 100 15 7
1944 I heard he's had LASIK surgery too. 1.2376 0.05103 101 81 16 4
1945 Elvis Has left the building 1.2376 0.04699 101 79 20 2
1946 The toupee doesn’t fly with me 1.2376 0.04699 101 79 20 2
1947 Talk about rejecting your birth name 1.2376 0.05103 101 81 16 4
1948 Elvis is in the building. 1.2376 0.05293 101 82 14 5
1949 Freedom of the American Idiot 1.2376 0.04699 101 79 20 2
1950 He’s tired of pretending to be a bald eagle. 1.2376 0.05103 101 81 16 4
1951 It’s called the Regal Eagle. 1.2376 0.04905 101 80 18 3
1952 He always rebels against labels. 1.2376 0.05655 101 84 10 7
1953 He’s either symbolically poking fun at late-stage capitalism, or he’s going through a midlife crisis. 1.2376 0.04483 101 78 22 1
1954 He ain't nothin but a hound dog. 1.2373 0.04286 118 92 24 2
1955 It makes him look two years younger. 1.2373 0.04286 118 92 24 2
1956 All he needs are sequins and a glitzy piano. 1.2373 0.04451 118 93 22 3
1957 It gets worse, believe me. 1.2373 0.04286 118 92 24 2
1958 And the call him a bird brain! 1.2373 0.04451 118 93 22 3
1959 He'll try anything to get a date with that black-capped chickadee. 1.2373 0.04611 118 94 20 4
1960 It’s funny, I just wouldn’t tweet that. 1.2373 0.04766 118 95 18 5
1961 It's all fun and games until you accidentally soar through an updraft. 1.2371 0.05439 97 79 13 5
1962 It's not a toupee. He's had a feather transplant. 1.2371 0.05439 97 79 13 5
1963 He tried to tell me it was evolution. 1.2371 0.05029 97 77 17 3
1964 I think it looks very pheasant. 1.2371 0.05439 97 79 13 5
1965 Don't step on his blue suede toupee. 1.2368 0.04874 114 92 17 5
1966 Well, obviously it's fake, but he did get the promotion. 1.2368 0.04874 114 92 17 5
1967 Someone thinks breeding season is here. 1.2368 0.04545 114 90 21 3
1968 Now he's not a protected species! 1.2368 0.04545 114 90 21 3
1969 Featherbrain. 1.2368 0.04545 114 90 21 3
1970 He's auditioning for the Trump show 1.2368 0.04712 114 91 19 4
1971 A beret or a toupee? 1.2368 0.04189 114 88 25 1
1972 He's just suffering from mid-flight crisis. 1.2368 0.05031 114 93 15 6
1973 His entire personality changed after he got the weave. 1.2368 0.04712 114 91 19 4
1974 He's looking to pick up chicks. 1.2368 0.04545 114 90 21 3
1975 Hey, not for nothing, but if you need anything, anything at all, you ask Tony " Two Pecks" over there. 1.2368 0.05183 114 94 13 7
1976 He wasn’t self-conscious until “baldness” was given a pejorative meaning. Humans suck. 1.2368 0.04545 114 90 21 3
1977 He's self conscious about his early onset plumage. 1.2366 0.04576 131 106 19 6
1978 It's true I can't afford a toupee, but at least I can spell it. 1.2366 0.04930 93 73 18 2
1979 Oh…he’ll be ok…as long as he doesn’t try using his pelvis to fly. 1.2366 0.05383 93 75 14 4
1980 Looks like a bird's nest on his head. 1.2366 0.04687 93 72 20 1
1981 I wouldn't call his hairpiece treasonous, but it's definitely unpatriotic 1.2366 0.05801 93 77 10 6
1982 It looks good but will it stay on when he flies.? 1.2366 0.05596 93 76 12 5
1983 It looks great all Winter but it falls out in the Spring. 1.2366 0.05383 93 75 14 4
1984 He does his own hair. 1.2364 0.04820 110 88 18 4
1985 I told you he was still alive 1.2364 0.05154 110 90 14 6
1986 Hey, it beats getting a tattoo. 1.2364 0.04644 110 87 20 3
1987 If he invites you to the jungle room, don't go. 1.2364 0.04820 110 88 18 4
1988 Does she or doesn’t she? 1.2364 0.04820 110 88 18 4
1989 The Eagles do Elvis, think it'll sell? 1.2364 0.05314 110 91 12 7
1990 I told him that if he got the rug, he should just get stuffed. 1.2364 0.04644 110 87 20 3
1991 He's determined to be on the thousand dollar bill. 1.2364 0.04990 110 89 16 5
1992 He must have loved "Elvis." 1.2364 0.04990 110 89 16 5
1993 It seems that Joe's been taking the divorce well. 1.2364 0.04820 110 88 18 4
1994 Ugghh... What's he going to do next? Buy a convertible? 1.2364 0.04990 110 89 16 5
1995 He says flocking together is just a social construct. 1.2364 0.04820 110 88 18 4
1996 You’re one leaf away from stardom 1.2360 0.05305 89 71 15 3
1997 He said he was prep-hair-ing a surprise for us. 1.2358 0.05286 106 87 13 6
1998 Obviously it's a comb over. Can't imagine where he got the idea. 1.2358 0.04749 106 84 19 3
1999 Worst of all, it hasn't helped his libido a bit. 1.2358 0.04749 106 84 19 3
2000 He says he switched to organic birdseed. 1.2358 0.04556 106 83 21 2
2001 He ain't nothin' but a raven. Crying all the time. 1.2358 0.05114 106 86 15 5
2002 It's good to be the King. 1.2358 0.04354 106 82 23 1
2003 He's transitioning. 1.2358 0.04749 106 84 19 3
2004 He’s from Florida. 1.2358 0.05114 106 86 15 5
2005 He just flew back from Vegas. 1.2358 0.04354 106 82 23 1
2006 Yeah, he's not that good, but at least we didn't have to fly to Vegas. 1.2358 0.04749 106 84 19 3
2007 That hairpiece is for the birds. 1.2358 0.04749 106 84 19 3
2008 An Elvis sighting, after all these years! His karma brought him back as one of us! 1.2358 0.04909 123 101 15 7
2009 I said it looked natural, but who’s he fooling? He’s not bald. 1.2358 0.04771 123 100 17 6
2010 comb over? What comb over? 1.2353 0.04658 102 80 20 2
2011 He says chicks dig it. 1.2353 0.05246 102 83 14 5
2012 I heard about this in health class. Now he's going to get all the chicks. 1.2353 0.04445 102 79 22 1
2013 Aquila Rogaini 1.2353 0.05952 85 70 10 5
2014 He’s looking for another kind of Queen. 1.2353 0.04577 119 95 20 4
2015 No way that stays on in the thermals. 1.2353 0.05162 119 99 12 8
2016 Toupée or injured bunny? One way to find out! 1.2353 0.05058 102 82 16 4
2017 He thinks he's Howard Cosell. 1.2353 0.04862 102 81 18 3
2018 You can't even talk to him these days. 1.2353 0.05058 102 82 16 4
2019 He never could accept being called a bald eagle 1.2353 0.04862 102 81 18 3
2020 He's so cocky now. Thinks he looks like Elvis. 1.2353 0.04730 119 96 18 5
2021 It's better than that MAGA hat he was wearing 1.2353 0.04862 102 81 18 3
2022 I don't know Edith, but that Ernest Angley look on Carl is working for me. 1.2353 0.04418 119 94 22 3
2023 Poor fella. Lacks the "male baldness pattern " gene. 1.2353 0.04878 119 97 16 6
2024 I bet you a quarter he denies he’s the guy on it. 1.2353 0.05022 119 98 14 7
2025 Elvis is in the tree! 1.2348 0.04836 115 93 17 5
2026 I think his name is Donald. 1.2348 0.04991 115 94 15 6
2027 He thinks he’s hot shit ever since he put that toupee on his head, flying around like a used Mercedes. 1.2348 0.04991 115 94 15 6
2028 I didn’t think Minoxidil worked THAT well! 1.2347 0.04983 98 78 17 3
2029 I'm telling you, he dyes his hair. 1.2347 0.04767 98 77 19 2
2030 He identifies as a Crested Grebe." 1.2347 0.04541 98 76 21 1
2031 And by the way, he's not only the Mascot, he's also a client! 1.2347 0.05389 98 80 13 5
2032 Oh, fuck! 1.2347 0.05389 98 80 13 5
2033 I'll bet that wig itches like a man on a fuzzy tree. 1.2347 0.05389 98 80 13 5
2034 He just learned that he's a "bald" eagle 1.2344 0.04503 128 103 20 5
2035 He got fed up combing the feathers to one side. 1.2344 0.04365 128 102 22 4
2036 Don't you just love his hair? It hides his bald spot perfectly. 1.2342 0.04781 111 89 18 4
2037 He’s a big Elvis fan. 1.2342 0.04781 111 89 18 4
2038 His stylist doesn't understand us. 1.2342 0.04781 111 89 18 4
2039 What’s next leather talons? 1.2342 0.05270 111 92 12 7
2040 I think he needs to have his wings clipped 1.2342 0.04425 111 87 22 2
2041 You're right. You really can't tell. 1.2340 0.04884 94 74 18 2
2042 He just got in to Fie Birdie Krappa! 1.2340 0.05941 94 79 8 7
2043 He thinks it means he won't be a Bald Eagle anymore 1.2340 0.04644 94 73 20 1
2044 That toupee can’t fool me. He’s a bald eagle! 1.2340 0.05542 94 77 12 5
2045 He used to be our President. 1.2340 0.05332 94 76 14 4
2046 It works for William Shatner. 1.2340 0.05113 94 75 16 3
2047 It's called pooping from behind. 1.2340 0.05542 94 77 12 5
2048 He thinks he’s so hot. I don’t see any chicks flocking to him. 1.2339 0.03985 124 96 27 1
2049 It’s grown in since he has been dining on laboratory mice. 1.2339 0.04451 124 99 21 4
2050 You should really introduce him to manscaping. 1.2336 0.04710 107 85 19 3
2051 He's a hold-over from the last administration. 1.2336 0.04319 107 83 23 1
2052 King of the Sky is not enough. Eddy wants to be "The King"! 1.2336 0.05070 107 87 15 5
2053 Everybody these days wants to be an Elvis impersonator! 1.2336 0.04710 107 85 19 3
2054 Do you think he's compensating for something? 1.2333 0.04543 120 96 20 4
2055 It's symbiotic. He gets a rug for his inevitable Bald Eagle head ... and the rat keeps warm. 1.2333 0.05923 90 75 9 6
2056 I tell ya Joe, I don't think Don is going to fit in around here. 1.2333 0.05253 90 72 15 3
2057 Who are we? 1.2333 0.05009 90 71 17 2
2058 They say he has preferred pronouns. 1.2333 0.05708 90 74 11 5
2059 He just doesn't get that bald is beautiful. 1.2333 0.05009 90 71 17 2
2060 Frank's gone undercover. 1.2330 0.05380 103 85 12 6
2061 I had no idea Elvis wanted to be a bird in his next life! 1.2330 0.05014 103 83 16 4
2062 I hope his midlife crisis is over before that possum wakes up. 1.2330 0.05380 103 85 12 6
2063 Idiot missed the point! It's the Baldies that represent. 1.2330 0.05014 103 83 16 4
2064 His ornithologist got fired for using Rogaine. 1.2330 0.05014 103 83 16 4
2065 He only answers to 'the King.' 1.2328 0.04304 116 91 23 2
2066 He says it helps him with chicks. 1.2328 0.04475 116 92 21 3
2067 Sure he attracts the pigeons,but is it worth going off the protected species list? 1.2328 0.05101 116 96 13 7
2068 Drives the chickadees wild. 1.2328 0.04798 116 94 17 5
2069 We call him Elvis 1.2328 0.04640 116 93 19 4
2070 Cost him a lot of seeds but he's still no Elvis. 1.2326 0.04582 86 66 20 0
2071 Ok, that stuff looks pretty good; but just wait until he grabs his first fish of the day. He should just change his name to Rudy Giuliani right now. 1.2326 0.05652 86 70 12 4
2072 Would you find ME more attractive if I wore a toupee? 1.2326 0.04472 129 104 20 5
2073 He thinks he needs something to cover up his bird brain. 1.2326 0.06117 86 72 8 6
2074 He's the king of squawk and roll. 1.2323 0.05339 99 81 13 5
2075 It's a Whig. 1.2323 0.05529 99 82 11 6
2076 His favourite catch? Mullet. 1.2323 0.05142 99 80 15 4
2077 Andre's going through a mid-life crisis. 1.2323 0.05142 99 80 15 4
2078 From this angle that leaf makes Eddie look like Elvis. 1.2323 0.05142 99 80 15 4
2079 Well, I think it’s just a mid-life crisis. He’s very sensitive now, about being called a bald eagle. 1.2323 0.05142 99 80 15 4
2080 And he wants us to call him Donald now 1.2323 0.05339 99 81 13 5
2081 Fetching, isn't he. 1.2323 0.04501 99 77 21 1
2082 He's an Americana Eagle. 1.2323 0.04938 99 79 17 3
2083 Hasn't he noticed that bald is in? 1.2321 0.04570 112 89 20 3
2084 What have you got to lose? 1.2321 0.04909 112 91 16 5
2085 The two of us will have to fly elsewhere to find a mate. 1.2321 0.04390 112 88 22 2
2086 It might work if he had blue suede claws. 1.2321 0.04743 112 90 18 4
2087 Did he pull that toupee out of his ass? 1.2321 0.05379 112 94 10 8
2088 He is a wise elder, but frankly the toupee makes him look stupid. 1.2321 0.05071 112 92 14 6
2089 I mean yes, he looks amazing — but this is the reason we’re back on the endangered species list! 1.2321 0.05227 112 93 12 7
2090 He knows we’re not actually bald, right?” 1.2321 0.04570 112 89 20 3
2091 He really liked 'Elvis' 1.2321 0.05071 112 92 14 6
2092 I guess he hasn't heard that birds of a feather stick together. 1.2321 0.04570 112 89 20 3
2093 She self-identifies as a cockatoo. 1.2321 0.04909 112 91 16 5
2094 Somebody needs to tell him that Bald Eagles aren’t really BALD! 1.2321 0.04743 112 90 18 4
2095 …oh, and you should see him dancing and shaking his tail feathers with his friends!! It’s shocking! 1.2320 0.04969 125 104 13 8
2096 He’s really insecure 1.2320 0.04419 125 100 21 4
2097 He's so sensitive, a chickadee called him a Baldy. 1.2319 0.04399 138 112 20 6
2098 He's been hired to do Trump commercials 1.2317 0.05833 82 67 11 4
2099 and I thought worms would be bad. 1.2317 0.05569 82 66 13 3
2100 Yeah, I know. Sadly, it's a mutation that also affects the brain. 1.2317 0.06086 82 68 9 5
2101 If we wore a toupee, we wouldn't be bald eagles anymore. 1.2317 0.06086 82 68 9 5
2102 I guess he has presidential aspirations 1.2316 0.05065 95 76 16 3
2103 It's a feather transplant from his chest. 1.2316 0.04838 95 75 18 2
2104 He hates being labeled ‘bald’! 1.2316 0.05689 95 79 10 6
2105 I would not vote for him. 1.2316 0.05489 95 78 12 5
2106 Elvis never really left the building. 1.2316 0.05489 95 78 12 5
2107 Don’t get any ideas. 1.2316 0.04601 95 74 20 1
2108 It doesn't take an eagle eye to spot that one! 1.2316 0.05281 95 77 14 4
2109 It’s so obvious 1.2315 0.04482 108 85 21 2
2110 I'm not sure the toupee works. 1.2315 0.04671 108 86 19 3
2111 Did Maurice lose weight? 1.2315 0.04284 108 84 23 1
2112 Maybe, but the younger chicks can tell, too. 1.2315 0.05028 108 88 15 5
2113 I think he played Vegas in the 70's... 1.2314 0.04946 121 100 14 7
2114 He's also moving to Canada. 1.2314 0.04659 121 98 18 5
2115 So now what do you think about hair club for birds? 1.2314 0.03850 121 93 28 0
2116 He left the eagles to impersonate Elvis 1.2314 0.04659 121 98 18 5
2117 I never thought feathered hair would be back in. 1.2314 0.04192 121 95 24 2
2118 He just got on Tinder. 1.2308 0.04305 130 104 22 4
2119 That's the new TikTok challenge! 1.2308 0.04579 104 82 20 2
2120 But is he still a bald eagle? 1.2308 0.05201 91 73 15 3
2121 Until he gets the spangled suit, he's not going to fool anybody. 1.2308 0.05201 91 73 15 3
2122 Sure, now that he's wearing that toupee... 1.2308 0.04914 117 96 15 6
2123 Although it'll throw off the Christmas Bird Count, I think it makes him look younger. 1.2308 0.04151 104 80 24 0
2124 Apparently, he’s a new subspecies - the toupee’d eagle. 1.2308 0.05155 104 85 14 5
2125 It’s an Elvis back comb. 1.2308 0.05155 104 85 14 5
2126 Just humor him. There is no way around this. 1.2308 0.04970 104 84 16 4
2127 He's hoping to make it big as an Elvis impersonator. 1.2308 0.04579 104 82 20 2
2128 He looked down his beak at me and said: 'Molting is a choice.' 1.2308 0.04970 104 84 16 4
2129 Seriously? He asked you whether you noticed anything different about him? 1.2308 0.04579 104 82 20 2
2130 Don't even think about it. 1.2308 0.04579 104 82 20 2
2131 Doesn't he realize that everyone can tell it's a wig? 1.2308 0.05155 104 85 14 5
2132 He gets it by eating Jelly Beans and honeycomb. 1.2308 0.04970 104 84 16 4
2133 I told him we aren’t songbirds, but he can’t let it go. 1.2308 0.04961 91 72 17 2
2134 Perhaps he’s considering a presidential run. 1.2308 0.05748 78 63 12 3
2135 At least he got rid of the perm. 1.2308 0.04573 130 106 18 6
2136 He's one of those Californian tech-bro species here to install our google nest 1.2308 0.05201 91 73 15 3
2137 Frankly, i prefer a rug on the bottom of my cage… 1.2301 0.04534 113 90 20 3
2138 He wants out of the family. I told him he'd have to try harder than that 1.2301 0.03977 113 87 26 0
2139 He got it back in 2016 but won't take it off. 1.2301 0.04705 113 91 18 4
2140 Brenda says he's a Republican but I don't believe it. 1.2300 0.05096 100 81 15 4
2141 I don't think Eddie knows that we know. 1.2300 0.04894 100 80 17 3
2142 He says it was caused by global warming. 1.2300 0.05291 100 82 13 5
2143 Do you think that he just flew in from Paris? 1.2300 0.04462 100 78 21 1
2144 He's so self conscious being a bald eagle. 1.2300 0.05096 100 81 15 4
2145 He’s been aloof ever since his picture was in Audubon Magazine 1.2300 0.05096 100 81 15 4
2146 And whose smart idea was it to get him a mirror for his birthday? 1.2300 0.04894 100 80 17 3
2147 Grow a comb is all I said... 1.2300 0.04894 100 80 17 3
2148 I think that it's another Elvis wannabe!! 1.2300 0.05096 100 81 15 4
2149 I hope he does Snowbird 1.2300 0.05291 100 82 13 5
2150 He is such a hound dog... 1.2300 0.04894 100 80 17 3
2151 He is Not of the feather. 1.2300 0.04683 100 79 19 2
2152 That’s the end of the rare species classification for us! All undone by narcissism 1.2299 0.05092 87 69 16 2
2153 He thinks he's such a big wig with all that hair. 1.2299 0.05348 87 70 14 3
2154 Sad, he thinks it’s a chick magnet. 1.2299 0.05348 87 70 14 3
2155 He didn’t like having a bald spot. 1.2299 0.05348 87 70 14 3
2156 He's on that new drug that's supposed to increase your wing span. The hair growth is just a side effect. 1.2299 0.04823 87 68 18 1
2157 I thought you said he was a bald eagle. 1.2297 0.06249 74 61 9 4
2158 He’s getting ready to migrate to Europe for the winter” 1.2295 0.04476 122 98 20 4
2159 Only his barber knows for sure. 1.2295 0.04769 122 100 16 6
2160 He’s not only the Hair Club President, he’s a client! 1.2295 0.04909 122 101 14 7
2161 He just uses it to cover that bald spot. 1.2295 0.04476 122 98 20 4
2162 Hair is just the beginning. Wait until you see him in his smoking jacket and pipe. 1.2294 0.04813 109 88 17 4
2163 ...and he wants to be called Elvis Eagle. 1.2294 0.04813 109 88 17 4
2164 He's a Pompatoo 1.2294 0.05154 109 90 13 6
2165 He's doing his Elvis show down at the Eagle's Nest tonight. 1.2294 0.04446 109 86 21 2
2166 He's looking to get balled. 1.2294 0.05154 109 90 13 6
2167 He thinks the comb over the top makes him look younger. 1.2294 0.04633 109 87 19 3
2168 Being bald means something different to him than it does to us, Hilda. 1.2294 0.04986 109 89 15 5
2169 Looks more like a symbol of freeDUMB. 1.2292 0.05231 96 78 14 4
2170 He's heading to Vegas for the weekend 1.2292 0.04559 96 75 20 1
2171 Is that Great Again, or what! 1.2292 0.05635 96 80 10 6
2172 I kept telling him, "Sam, you're a bald eagle, accept it." But now he's pulling down two grand a week as an Elvis imitator, so what do I know? 1.2292 0.05231 96 78 14 4
2173 He says it's for camouflage. 1.2292 0.04559 96 75 20 1
2174 It's a toupée--act like you don't know. 1.2292 0.05017 96 77 16 3
2175 He says it's not fake, it's 'alternate hair.' 1.2289 0.05769 83 68 11 4
2176 He thought he'd grabbed a rodent, it ended being Rogaine... 1.2289 0.06258 83 70 7 6
2177 It is an Elvis Eagle from Tupelo Mississippi 1.2288 0.05164 118 99 11 8
2178 He swears it's his, but nothing on earth is THAT color. 1.2288 0.04408 118 94 21 3
2179 Bald is actually a recessive trait. 1.2286 0.04541 105 83 20 2
2180 It's a hair piece he stole off a clothesline 1.2286 0.05110 105 86 14 5
2181 I thought bald was beautiful. 1.2286 0.04928 105 85 16 4
2182 Can't wait 'til it rains. 1.2286 0.04738 105 84 18 3
2183 Big Elvis fan 1.2286 0.04738 105 84 18 3
2184 I think Carl's having an identity crisis. 1.2283 0.04498 127 103 19 5
2185 You can spot it a mile away! 1.2283 0.05595 92 76 11 5
2186 I told him,"Eddie, possum is for eating, not wearing on your head." 1.2283 0.04913 92 73 17 2
2187 He traded three strings, two branches, and a piece of yarn for it 1.2283 0.05377 92 75 13 4
2188 It's his first date. 1.2283 0.05150 92 74 15 3
2189 Oh, that's Leon. New money. 1.2281 0.04831 114 93 16 5
2190 Toupee, Really! I guess it's the new maga trump look. 1.2281 0.04668 114 92 18 4
2191 He's is best when he's singing Love Me (Chicken) Tender. 1.2281 0.04499 114 91 20 3
2192 I don't think it makes him look like Elvis at all! 1.2281 0.04668 114 92 18 4
2193 He just got back from an Elvis contest in Vegas. 1.2281 0.04668 114 92 18 4
2194 Actually, I hear it's just Four Season's hair dye and a combover 1.2281 0.04831 114 93 16 5
2195 Hey, do you think it is a toupee? 1.2281 0.04831 114 93 16 5
2196 Ernie thought he’d be more of a chick magnet if he got a toupee. 1.2279 0.04779 136 114 13 9
2197 His mid-life crisis is defacing our image! 1.2277 0.05428 101 84 11 6
2198 He says if we weren't bald, we'd get so many chicks we wouldn't be endangered. 1.2277 0.05428 101 84 11 6
2199 He just got back from Canada. 1.2277 0.04850 101 81 17 3
2200 I don't know what Larry did but he looks 10 years younger 1.2277 0.04850 101 81 17 3
2201 He wanted to go blond, but the cartoonist objected. 1.2277 0.04642 101 80 19 2
2202 Why are we always in the second row for Fashion Week? 1.2277 0.04850 101 81 17 3
2203 And here I thought Sheila had finally said yes and he was gathering that stuff to make a nest. 1.2273 0.05271 110 92 11 7
2204 It's called a "bird brain." 1.2273 0.05111 110 91 13 6
2205 I heard that Sharon thinks he's having an affair 1.2273 0.04773 110 89 17 4
2206 He claims they slipped Rogaine into his feeder. 1.2273 0.04945 110 90 15 5
2207 Talk about your endangered species. 1.2273 0.04945 110 90 15 5
2208 That thing don’t fly. 1.2273 0.04775 88 69 18 1
2209 He really is a Bold Eagle to wear one of those... 1.2273 0.05111 110 91 13 6
2210 He says it has something to do with "picking up the chicks." which I don't get. 1.2269 0.04689 119 97 17 5
2211 He's changing his name to Libereagle. 1.2268 0.04971 97 78 16 3
2212 This is how an eagle becomes chicken 1.2268 0.04518 97 76 20 1
2213 I guess he's not into flocking. 1.2268 0.05182 97 79 14 4
2214 His impersonation of Richard Nixon is even better! 1.2268 0.04971 97 78 16 3
2215 His mother kept yelling, "Touché" at the Make Eagles Great Again rally. He heard "Toupee". This doesn't bode well for family and politics. 1.2268 0.04971 97 78 16 3
2216 I'd have to say it's more ironic and iconic. 1.2268 0.04971 97 78 16 3
2217 I hear strong genes on his father's side. 1.2268 0.04971 97 78 16 3
2218 It’s more Elvis than Trump. 1.2267 0.06458 75 63 7 5
2219 Because birds can’t drive sports cars. 1.2264 0.04503 106 84 20 2
2220 We try to use every part of the animal over at our aerie. 1.2264 0.04886 106 86 16 4
2221 He's looking to reach a different demographic !! 1.2264 0.04299 106 83 22 1
2222 does he know the Elvis look is out? 1.2264 0.04698 106 85 18 3
2223 It looked better on the fish he snatched it from. 1.2264 0.04698 106 85 18 3
2224 That's a cheap toupee. 1.2264 0.05066 106 87 14 5
2225 He gives all bald eagles a bad name! 1.2262 0.05706 84 69 11 4
2226 He's mocking us, Jim. 1.2262 0.05952 84 70 9 5
2227 I told him it won't help him find a mate, but he has to learn for himself. 1.2262 0.05179 84 67 15 2
2228 That wig makes him the worst Elvis imitator ever. 1.2261 0.04631 115 93 18 4
2229 I bet that thing flies off the first time he dives for a mouse. 1.2261 0.04631 115 93 18 4
2230 Who does he think he's fooling with that? 1.2261 0.04950 115 95 14 6
2231 These kids today have no respect for America. 1.2261 0.05102 115 96 12 7
2232 His Elvis impersonation is awful but he has caught a rabbit. . . 1.2261 0.05102 115 96 12 7
2233 Don’t fall for the extensions.” 1.2261 0.04631 115 93 18 4
2234 Her tweet about me was totally false. 1.2258 0.05100 93 75 15 3
2235 He is in quarantine , Saturday night fever. 1.2258 0.04866 93 74 17 2
2236 Enough with the 'bald'," he said 1.2258 0.05100 93 75 15 3
2237 Wow! Will you look at that! It’s Elvis Eagle! 1.2258 0.05540 93 77 11 5
2238 It’s a toupee. 1.2258 0.05100 93 75 15 3
2239 That's a bald move. 1.2258 0.04866 93 74 17 2
2240 He definitely dyes it 1.2258 0.04699 124 102 16 6
2241 It’s a mid-life thing, I heard he also bought a corvette 1.2255 0.05006 102 83 15 4
2242 Extinction is more attractive. 1.2255 0.04808 102 82 17 3
2243 He claims that the chicks love it 1.2255 0.04808 102 82 17 3
2244 Talk about insecure. 1.2255 0.04808 102 82 17 3
2245 So passé ! 1.2255 0.04386 102 80 21 1
2246 Where would you even get a wig for birds? 1.2252 0.04735 111 90 17 4
2247 The attention from birders is really getting to Carl’s head. 1.2252 0.04558 111 89 19 3
2248 I think it looks better than the last one 1.2252 0.05228 111 93 11 7
2249 Everyone knows it’s a toupee 1.2252 0.04558 111 89 19 3
2250 Wearing a rug is one thing, but that dye job? 1.2252 0.04375 111 88 21 2
2251 I bet it's a comb over. 1.2250 0.04501 120 97 19 4
2252 How come you always get that side? 1.2250 0.05893 80 66 10 4
2253 He should embrace his bald eagleness. 1.2250 0.05618 80 65 12 3
2254 Actually, his rendition of 'Jailhouse Rock' isn't bad. 1.2250 0.05024 80 63 16 1
2255 I heard he let Jimmy Fallon tousle it on ‘The Tonight Show.’ 1.2247 0.05707 89 74 10 5
2256 Stable genius my tail feathers. 1.2247 0.05478 89 73 12 4
2257 Well, dear, teenagers like to display their independence. Some do it by rejecting their parents’ values, and baldness is, you know, kind of a biggie with us. 1.2247 0.04990 89 71 16 2
2258 You can tell its fake! 1.2247 0.05240 89 72 14 3
2259 Yes bald is beautiful. 1.2247 0.04990 89 71 16 2
2260 Since when does our migratory route pass through Turkey? 1.2247 0.04990 89 71 16 2
2261 He’s going through a mid-fly crisis. 1.2247 0.05240 89 72 14 3
2262 Hair club is for the birds. 1.2245 0.05135 98 80 14 4
2263 That coxcomb-over doesn’t fool anyone. He’s as bald as the rest of us. 1.2245 0.05135 98 80 14 4
2264 He’s a Trump supporter. 1.2245 0.05135 98 80 14 4
2265 He's gone Independent. 1.2245 0.05335 98 81 12 5
2266 He said it stays on even when he’s diving 1.2245 0.05529 98 82 10 6
2267 He does Elvis impersonations. 1.2245 0.04925 98 79 16 3
2268 I wouldn't be caught dead wearing that thing. 1.2245 0.04925 98 79 16 3
2269 Must be one of those city eagles. 1.2245 0.04707 98 78 18 2
2270 At least you're not trying to be hip by wearing a toupee like that dude. 1.2243 0.04844 107 87 16 4
2271 Eaglvis Impersonator, eh? 1.2243 0.04844 107 87 16 4
2272 He’s depressed. He just heard back from the National Mint that his profile isn’t ‘suitable for coinage’ 1.2243 0.04466 107 85 20 2
2273 He's basically a mocking bird now 1.2243 0.05196 107 89 12 6
2274 'Elvis complex!" 1.2243 0.04844 107 87 16 4
2275 He never really got over eating that lounge lizard. 1.2243 0.05196 107 89 12 6
2276 It's his impersonation of an Elvis impersonator. 1.2243 0.04466 107 85 20 2
2277 Did they really think that would fool us? 1.2243 0.04844 107 87 16 4
2278 Who's he kidding? We're still endangered! 1.2243 0.05196 107 89 12 6
2279 He says he's tired of the whole bald eagle thing and wants to be a black-capped chickadee 1.2243 0.05023 107 88 14 5
2280 I wish he never left the building. 1.2241 0.04911 116 96 14 6
2281 His Memphis period needs a little work but his Vegas period is spot on. 1.2241 0.05207 116 98 10 8
2282 Ever since he sang in Vegas, there's been something different about him. 1.2241 0.04911 116 96 14 6
2283 When he sang "Are You Lonesome Tonight?", my feathers started to quiver and I forgot how to fly. 1.2241 0.04596 116 94 18 4
2284 He's auditioning for the romantic lead. 1.2240 0.04379 125 101 20 4
2285 You see your father. I see Meryl Streep. 1.2240 0.04379 125 101 20 4
2286 He says that he got tired of being called "Baldy". 1.2240 0.04230 125 100 22 3
2287 It's his anti- Trump statement. Since January 6th he doesn't want to be considered a symbol of America! 1.2237 0.05493 76 61 13 2
2288 Okay, okay...he's alive. But can he still sing? 1.2235 0.05391 85 69 13 3
2289 Are you gonna?Or do I have to tell him he loses his endangered designation and get shot at if he wears it? 1.2235 0.06121 85 72 7 6
2290 He's all yours - I know a narcissist when I see one. 1.2235 0.04546 85 66 19 0
2291 He's no longer bald if he thinks it... 1.2235 0.05645 85 70 11 4
2292 The Eagle has stranded. 1.2235 0.05645 85 70 11 4
2293 Now he's singing like Roy Orbison too 1.2235 0.05645 85 70 11 4
2294 Plugs or rug? Either way, it’s not very patriotic. 1.2234 0.05486 94 78 11 5
2295 He's taken his obsession with Elvis a bit too far. 1.2234 0.05052 94 76 15 3
2296 Good genes. 1.2234 0.05273 94 77 13 4
2297 I don't know. The "wigged eagle" just doesn't have the same panache. 1.2234 0.04820 94 75 17 2
2298 You can argue about the style, but he's been falling from the sky a lot more recently, I do know that. 1.2234 0.05052 94 76 15 3
2299 Vanity, all life is vanity. 1.2234 0.04820 94 75 17 2
2300 This is what happens when you allow mirrors in trees. 1.2234 0.05052 94 76 15 3
2301 He might or might not be flying, but he's definitely running. 1.2234 0.05052 94 76 15 3
2302 There goes our reputation. 1.2234 0.05052 94 76 15 3
2303 His wife took him to the cleaners. However, he did get the rug. 1.2233 0.04962 103 84 15 4
2304 Maybe those early worms weren't good for him after all. 1.2233 0.04348 103 81 21 1
2305 Does he think we don't know it's toupee? I mean he's called "Bald Eagle"! 1.2233 0.04562 103 82 19 2
2306 Does he do the comb over because he thinks he’s really bald? Or because he wants to look like Elvis? 1.2233 0.04562 103 82 19 2
2307 It doesn't make him look younger, and you can see it from a mile away. 1.2233 0.04562 103 82 19 2
2308 Mynahxidil. 1.2233 0.04562 103 82 19 2
2309 He's just being a rebellious teenager, honey. When I was his age I ate vegetarian for a month. It'll pass. 1.2232 0.04522 112 90 19 3
2310 He thinks he is graduating! 1.2232 0.04522 112 90 19 3
2311 Flew by the Country Music Hall of Fame. 1.2232 0.04696 112 91 17 4
2312 Somebody, must have seen the new Elvis movie. 1.2232 0.04340 112 89 21 2
2313 He loves his new job on Fox. He looks suave, patriotic, and debonair, but underneath the toupee he's still a bald eagle. 1.2232 0.04696 112 91 17 4
2314 Say what you will. These woodcuts just don't have the kind of detail I like in my bird prints. 1.2231 0.04619 121 99 17 5
2315 It seem to be our friend sitting alone and thought crafty scheme? 1.2222 0.05286 99 82 12 5
2316 Oh you don't have to worry about him; we're just friends. 1.2222 0.04620 108 87 18 3
2317 I just wish he could embrace his baldness 1.2222 0.04631 126 104 16 6
2318 Should we tell him he still has a bald spot? 1.2222 0.04438 99 78 20 1
2319 He thinks the bald thing is endangering us. 1.2222 0.04881 99 80 16 3
2320 He now wants to be called "Wild Eagle." 1.2222 0.05087 99 81 14 4
2321 He probably thinks this song is about him. 1.2222 0.05087 99 81 14 4
2322 I double dare you. 1.2222 0.05087 99 81 14 4
2323 I TOLD him the combover wasn’t working. 1.2222 0.05087 99 81 14 4
2324 His Elvis tones are screechy, but he knows all the words. 1.2222 0.04719 117 96 16 5
2325 Get a load of Perry Comb-Over. 1.2222 0.05166 117 99 10 8
2326 Why can’t he jus embrace his baldness. Like the rest of us. 1.2222 0.04881 99 80 16 3
2327 He's going to starve to death if he keeps refusing to swoop. 1.2222 0.05827 81 67 10 4
2328 He's been spending too much time with the statues. 1.2222 0.04560 117 95 18 4
2329 Act like you don't notice. It'll flip his wig. 1.2222 0.05270 81 65 14 2
2330 Now he only answers to "Elvis Nestley." 1.2222 0.04046 126 100 24 2
2331 He hates being called a bald eagle. 1.2222 0.04981 108 89 14 5
2332 He’s having an identity crisis. Doesn’t like being labeled ‘bald Eagle’. 1.2222 0.04881 99 80 16 3
2333 He's an Elvis fan. 1.2222 0.04560 117 95 18 4
2334 He changes into the jumpsuit at intermission. 1.2222 0.04429 108 86 20 2
2335 He's flying to Vegas to be an Elvis impersonator. His Joe Rogan act didn't work out. 1.2222 0.04881 99 80 16 3
2336 He picked it up when we flew over Vegas. 1.2222 0.04941 90 72 16 2
2337 He thinks he's a different species since he joined the Hair Club for Eagles. 1.2222 0.04941 90 72 16 2
2338 Are you going to tell him it's just not becoming, or shall I? 1.2222 0.04620 108 87 18 3
2339 We call him The King of the jungle. 1.2222 0.04620 108 87 18 3
2340 I wish he'd give us a solo. 1.2222 0.04665 99 79 18 2
2341 He’s trying to compensate for his wingspan. 1.2222 0.04682 90 71 18 1
2342 Wait 'til you see him do `Bye Bye Birdie.' 1.2222 0.05423 90 74 12 4
2343 I think the whole 'Bald Eagle' thing went to his head. 1.2222 0.05286 99 82 12 5
2344 It still doesn’t hide his bird brain. 1.2222 0.04620 108 87 18 3
2345 There goes the American symbol. 1.2222 0.04396 117 94 20 3
2346 Geez, one migration to Latin America and the guy thinks he's a crested caracara. 1.2222 0.04620 108 87 18 3
2347 What a hot shot. Calls himself the American Bold Eagle. 1.2222 0.05286 99 82 12 5
2348 The Audacity of Hair". 1.2222 0.04682 90 71 18 1
2349 He’s bald like the rest of us. 1.2222 0.05556 81 66 12 3
2350 You know what? If it makes him feel better, that’s all that matters. Don’t even mention it. 1.2213 0.04584 122 100 17 5
2351 How eagles spend the day in the 80s. 1.2213 0.04434 122 99 19 4
2352 Very destinkuished! 1.2212 0.04659 113 92 17 4
2353 Bird brain thinks he's Elvis! Let's fly over and poop on him! 1.2212 0.04986 113 94 13 6
2354 'Don't Be Cruel.' He's, 'All Shook Up.' 1.2212 0.05105 104 86 13 5
2355 Hair today, gone tomorrow. 1.2212 0.04725 104 84 17 3
2356 A Trumpy. That orange ain't Elvis. 1.2212 0.04918 104 85 15 4
2357 I liked him better with his Afro! 1.2212 0.05284 104 87 11 6
2358 He might be a bit pretentious, but have you heard him sing "Jailhouse Rock"? 1.2212 0.04725 104 84 17 3
2359 Check out this hair-brained scheme. 1.2212 0.05105 104 86 13 5
2360 Does he really think that rug makes him look woke? 1.2212 0.04725 104 84 17 3
2361 It didn't come with a chin strap? 1.2212 0.05105 104 86 13 5
2362 He did the same twitch yesterday ...it don't mean a thing 1.2212 0.05105 104 86 13 5
2363 Who’s he trying to kid? 1.2212 0.04725 104 84 17 3
2364 Yeah, mid-life crisis. And have you seen him driving that red T-bird convertible? 1.2212 0.04725 104 84 17 3
2365 Hey look - it’s a T-Bird!! 1.2212 0.04725 104 84 17 3
2366 He could run for president of our species. 1.2212 0.04312 104 82 21 1
2367 I can forgive the tattoos and piercings! 1.2212 0.04725 104 84 17 3
2368 I guess he threw away his 'Bald is Beautiful' shirt" 1.2212 0.04725 104 84 17 3
2369 It’s bad enough, but did he have to go for “The Elvis” 1.2212 0.05284 104 87 11 6
2370 All he needs now is some Blue Suede Shoes... 1.2211 0.05004 95 77 15 3
2371 He got it because he said "hats make him look silly"...can you believe that?! 1.2211 0.05004 95 77 15 3
2372 He also traded his Buick for a vintage convertible. 1.2211 0.05433 95 79 11 5
2373 He saw the "Elvis" movie, and it went to his head..literally 1.2211 0.05004 95 77 15 3
2374 We have a good eyes view of him from here 1.2211 0.05223 95 78 13 4
2375 Okay, you and I are not into him, but there are still females in the flock who fall for his Elvis impersonation. 1.2211 0.05004 95 77 15 3
2376 He thinks it will help him pick up chicks 1.2211 0.05004 95 77 15 3
2377 Someone is feeling the new pronouns 1.2211 0.05223 95 78 13 4
2378 I spy with my eagle eye something dyed. 1.2211 0.05004 95 77 15 3
2379 What would Ben Franklin say? 1.2211 0.05831 95 81 7 7
2380 Underneath that thing, he's still a bald eagle. 1.2211 0.05004 95 77 15 3
2381 How much did you tip the Doorman last Chistmas? 1.2211 0.04775 95 76 17 2
2382 It's from the George Costanza Hair Piece and Toupee Line. 1.2211 0.05433 95 79 11 5
2383 He thinks it’s going to help him pick up you get prey. 1.2211 0.05223 95 78 13 4
2384 I thought we were BALD eagles. 1.2209 0.05585 86 71 11 4
2385 I’m not sure what’s going on; but he’s now identifying as a tufted titmouse 1.2209 0.05825 86 72 9 5
2386 He doesn't know how to play guitar 1.2209 0.05072 86 69 15 2
2387 Just ignore him and maybe he'll molt. 1.2209 0.05072 86 69 15 2
2388 He ain’t nothin’ but a hound eagle. 1.2208 0.05429 77 62 13 2
2389 What's next - blue suede shoes? 1.2208 0.05735 77 63 11 3
2390 Another Elvis wannabe. 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
2391 Nice comb over. 1.2205 0.04598 127 105 16 6
2392 You've never seen one before? Really? It's called a touché. 1.2205 0.04170 127 102 22 3
2393 His toupee is nothing to crow about. 1.2203 0.04683 118 97 16 5
2394 Eagle Earl says it helps him find more chicks. 1.2202 0.04764 109 89 16 4
2395 So, what do you call a bald eagle, with a toupee? 1.2202 0.04764 109 89 16 4
2396 He doesn't understand he's supposed to be bald. 1.2202 0.04582 109 88 18 3
2397 So I said to him, “You’re no Elvis, Bob.” 1.2200 0.05238 100 83 12 5
2398 I hear John is getting back in the mating game. 1.2200 0.05041 100 82 14 4
2399 He has Retrograde Owlopecia. 1.2200 0.04399 100 79 20 1
2400 He's hoping to get Trump's attention. 1.2200 0.04837 100 81 16 3
2401 He fancies a Golden Girl. 1.2200 0.04623 100 80 18 2
2402 Johnny doesn’t believe in “natural selection.” 1.2200 0.05041 100 82 14 4
2403 The Republicans sent nest loads of them here. 1.2200 0.05041 100 82 14 4
2404 SEXY!!! 1.2200 0.05041 100 82 14 4
2405 It makes him look twenty years younger.In bird years whatever that is. 1.2200 0.05041 100 82 14 4
2406 Don't worry, my stylist told me bald was in. 1.2200 0.04837 100 81 16 3
2407 That's one bold eagle. 1.2198 0.05369 91 75 12 4
2408 He’s so vain about his bald spot. 1.2198 0.05806 91 77 8 6
2409 He’s been courting a condor. 1.2198 0.05136 91 74 14 3
2410 I allowed the robin bob, but said no to a ducktail. 1.2198 0.04893 91 73 16 2
2411 Not only is he a customer he bought the company! 1.2198 0.04893 91 73 16 2
2412 More like "bald-faced liar," if you ask me. 1.2198 0.04893 91 73 16 2
2413 Reunion weekend. I think he needs a wingman. 1.2195 0.05762 82 68 10 4
2414 Ever since he saw 'Elvis,' he hasn't been the same. 1.2195 0.04916 82 65 16 1
2415 OK, you’re new, but just don’t bring it up. He thinks it makes him look cool, like Elvis. 1.2195 0.05213 82 66 14 2
2416 Yeah, he gets more chicks. That's OK - I prefer a hen with some experience. 1.2193 0.04622 114 93 17 4
2417 I hear he's not endangered when he puts it on. 1.2193 0.04622 114 93 17 4
2418 Not a great look for him. 1.2193 0.04273 114 91 21 2
2419 He's designated a new species - 'Haliaeetus elvisi'. 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
2420 Who’s going to tell him he’s out of the bald eagle club? 1.2190 0.05060 105 87 13 5
2421 Should I tell him he’s now no longer part of an endangered species? 1.2190 0.05060 105 87 13 5
2422 More like poopadour, am I right? 1.2190 0.05060 105 87 13 5
2423 Maybe he would take terns? 1.2190 0.05060 105 87 13 5
2424 He's not just a customer; he's president of Hair Club for Eagles. 1.2190 0.04684 105 85 17 3
2425 Just pretend it’s his natural color. 1.2190 0.04876 105 86 15 4
2426 Don’t encourage him, or he’ll start singing “Hound Dog.” 1.2190 0.04684 105 85 17 3
2427 White breasted my ass. He dyes it! 1.2190 0.04485 105 84 19 2
2428 Downright un-American. 1.2190 0.05238 105 88 11 6
2429 Last month it was wing span extenders. 1.2190 0.04876 105 86 15 4
2430 Hold still now, he’s doing an engraving… 1.2190 0.04485 105 84 19 2
2431 And he wonders why he’s alone. 1.2188 0.04957 96 78 15 3
2432 Right, he’s no longer a bald Eagle, but his preferred pronouns are still he, his, him. 1.2188 0.04957 96 78 15 3
2433 Some catch - a toupee and fish breath. 1.2188 0.04957 96 78 15 3
2434 he thinks he's Elvis 1.2188 0.05173 96 79 13 4
2435 Yet, he still can't sing. 1.2188 0.04730 96 77 17 2
2436 He flies over Vegas and all of a sudden he's Elvis. 1.2188 0.05173 96 79 13 4
2437 Feathers are not good enough . . . ? 1.2188 0.04957 96 78 15 3
2438 It's all 'Eagle' in the eyes of the law... he actually went and changed his name to Aves Presley. 1.2188 0.05173 96 79 13 4
2439 I guess that herring stuff really works, huh? 1.2188 0.05774 96 82 7 7
2440 I can’t even talk to him now. 1.2188 0.04730 96 77 17 2
2441 I heard he stole every single strand from Trump's combover. 1.2188 0.05173 96 79 13 4
2442 He pulled his tail feathers forward. Very Trump- 1.2188 0.04957 96 78 15 3
2443 Yea, I've never seen him go in the water with that. 1.2188 0.04957 96 78 15 3
2444 I told you this guy has issues! 1.2188 0.04957 96 78 15 3
2445 He always did prefer Elvis to the Eagles. 1.2188 0.05381 96 80 11 5
2446 You don't recognize him? Neighborhood kid? Ronnie Sims before he became Elvis. 1.2185 0.04944 119 100 12 7
2447 You can laugh, but his "shoot cameras not guns" tag received 10,000 likes in one day. 1.2185 0.04944 119 100 12 7
2448 Father Time always wins, Gary! 1.2185 0.04798 119 99 14 6
2449 He thinks he’s a player. 1.2184 0.05279 87 71 13 3
2450 Don't say it. Please, don't say it! 1.2184 0.04746 87 69 17 1
2451 No need to be scared, I'm sure that hound dog he mentioned can't get us up here. 1.2184 0.05526 87 72 11 4
2452 Eagle-pattern baldness is so last year. 1.2184 0.05019 87 70 15 2
2453 Looks like Elvis is in the House!” 1.2184 0.05526 87 72 11 4
2454 C'mon, the 'American toupeed eagle' just won't cut it. 1.2184 0.05526 87 72 11 4
2455 I told him it's just our name. Don't take it so literally. 1.2184 0.05279 87 71 13 3
2456 It looks silly, but at least the color isn't garish. 1.2184 0.05763 87 73 9 5
2457 Come on! Just ask him to COMB OVER here! 1.2184 0.05279 87 71 13 3
2458 First-time birders need extra cues. 1.2184 0.04746 87 69 17 1
2459 Little do they know. Hair today, gone tomorrow! 1.2182 0.04898 110 91 14 5
2460 Wasn't this a Seinfeld? 1.2182 0.04357 110 88 20 2
2461 He's a drummer in an Eagles cover band. 1.2182 0.05065 110 92 12 6
2462 What's he got against BALD? 1.2179 0.06490 78 67 5 6
2463 And he’s ordered a pair of blue suede shoes. 1.2179 0.05366 78 63 13 2
2464 Rogaine again! 1.2179 0.05366 78 63 13 2
2465 That’s so 70’s! 1.2178 0.04794 101 82 16 3
2466 Look, Liberace came back as a bird! 1.2178 0.04996 101 83 14 4
2467 This doesn't feel much like a cartoon. 1.2178 0.04996 101 83 14 4
2468 I just think Steve should embrace his baldness 1.2178 0.04582 101 81 18 2
2469 The divorce was difficult for Jerry. 1.2178 0.04794 101 82 16 3
2470 Poor Fred, he's taken bald personally. 1.2178 0.04582 101 81 18 2
2471 What happened to being proud of who you are? 1.2178 0.04996 101 83 14 4
2472 He's definitely not a chick magnet with that thing. 1.2178 0.04996 101 83 14 4
2473 With that hair and cape he decided to be an Elvis impersonator. 1.2178 0.04996 101 83 14 4
2474 Hairclub for Men offered him a job and he will never have to fish again. 1.2178 0.04996 101 83 14 4
2475 Rumor is he wants to run for No. 1 Bird again. 1.2174 0.04416 115 93 19 3
2476 He really hates being called a Bald Eagle! 1.2174 0.04749 115 95 15 5
2477 Rogaine doesn't work that well! 1.2174 0.05315 92 76 12 4
2478 He's the one that tried to peck Trump's eyes out. Wearing the rug is his punishment. 1.2174 0.05086 92 75 14 3
2479 His Elvis flops like a fish. 1.2174 0.05315 92 76 12 4
2480 Why does Stan keep calling me a hound dog? 1.2174 0.04749 115 95 15 5
2481 His vanity soars. 1.2174 0.05315 92 76 12 4
2482 weird Elvis didn't make it flip, flop, and drop? 1.2174 0.05535 92 77 10 5
2483 He never identified as “bald”. 1.2174 0.04592 92 73 18 1
2484 Why doesn’t he shave his head like the rest of us? 1.2174 0.04845 92 74 16 2
2485 He says it makes him feel like a spry eaglet again 1.2174 0.04592 92 73 18 1
2486 I told him, everyone can tell it's a rug, but he won't listen. 1.2174 0.04416 115 93 19 3
2487 A bit of gray would look a lot more distinguished 1.2174 0.05535 92 77 10 5
2488 And we're supposed to call him The King! 1.2174 0.04845 92 74 16 2
2489 I heard he uses the same stylist as Donald Trump. 1.2174 0.05747 92 78 8 6
2490 Tell me you've been to the oil spill without telling me you've been to the oil spill. 1.2174 0.05086 92 75 14 3
2491 You should see where else he's bald. 1.2174 0.05315 92 76 12 4
2492 I say, 'Lock Him Up!' 1.2174 0.04845 92 74 16 2
2493 He should have gotten a make-under. 1.2171 0.04397 129 106 18 5
2494 He still screeches just like the rest of us. 1.2170 0.04240 106 84 21 1
2495 He's still working on some self-acceptance issues. 1.2170 0.04240 106 84 21 1
2496 No, damn it, we will never be toupee eagles! 1.2170 0.05017 106 88 13 5
2497 Freak! We're not called bald eagles for nothing! 1.2170 0.04645 106 86 17 3
2498 He so stupid—-does he think we don’t know it’s a hairpiece? 1.2170 0.04645 106 86 17 3
2499 He knows this is America, right?!?! Where bald is beautiful!?!?! 1.2170 0.04645 106 86 17 3
2500 Ever since he met that chickadee… 1.2170 0.04240 106 84 21 1
2501 That’s the King.” Whispers Sheila 1.2170 0.04645 106 86 17 3
2502 If this were in color, you could see his blue suede rug. 1.2170 0.04447 106 85 19 2
2503 By L’Oríol… 1.2170 0.04645 106 86 17 3
2504 Viva Las Vegas! 1.2170 0.04834 106 87 15 4
2505 A rare sighting of the bad rug eagle. 1.2169 0.05950 83 70 8 5
2506 Another one didn't get the memo. 1.2169 0.05698 83 69 10 4
2507 How unpatriotic. 1.2167 0.04297 120 97 20 3
2508 I told you-- we aren't going extinct, some just stopped being bald. 1.2167 0.04761 120 100 14 6
2509 I understand his mistress is quite young. 1.2165 0.04910 97 79 15 3
2510 His Mother was a peacock. 1.2165 0.04910 97 79 15 3
2511 It’s got everyone talking behind his beak. 1.2165 0.04910 97 79 15 3
2512 He should’ve just got a MAGA hat instead! 1.2165 0.04910 97 79 15 3
2513 A comb-over is one thing - a bald eagle with a toupe is totally another! 1.2165 0.05330 97 81 11 5
2514 He thinks he looks like Elvis. I think he looks like Colonel Tom Parker 1.2165 0.04687 97 78 17 2
2515 Cheap crow feather rug! 1.2165 0.04452 97 77 19 1
2516 I think it’s either the Elvis or Liberace look he’s going for. 1.2165 0.04452 97 77 19 1
2517 Males are over sensitive to the “bald” moniker, don’t you think? 1.2165 0.04452 97 77 19 1
2518 It's just plain unpatriotic. 1.2165 0.04203 97 76 21 0
2519 Show me someone without an ego and I'll show you a loser. 1.2162 0.04686 111 91 16 4
2520 He thinks he is soooo dashing with that stupid hair piece. 1.2162 0.04686 111 91 16 4
2521 Do you think he's married? 1.2162 0.04858 111 92 14 5
2522 Wants to be known as a Hairy Eagle. 1.2162 0.05533 74 60 12 2
2523 Since his role in that wildlife documentary he's not the same bird. 1.2159 0.04698 88 70 17 1
2524 Let's see if it stays on when he flies! 1.2159 0.04968 88 71 15 2
2525 Personally, I don't think of it as a disability at all. 1.2159 0.05469 88 73 11 4
2526 He is going with strength through piece 1.2159 0.05225 88 72 13 3
2527 I think it’s a rug.” Ellen Sullivan, Plum Island, M 1.2159 0.04968 88 71 15 2
2528 …he’s left the building. 1.2159 0.04698 88 70 17 1
2529 So being the king of birds wasn’t enough? 1.2159 0.04968 88 71 15 2
2530 "Obviously he didn't get the memo. 1.2159 0.04698 88 70 17 1
2531 I've tried to talk to him, but all I get back is that "okay-boomer" crap. 1.2159 0.05469 88 73 11 4
2532 He's a toupee eagle 1.2157 0.04951 102 84 14 4
2533 Rumo 1.2157 0.04751 102 83 16 3
2534 He says it's hare season. 1.2157 0.04542 102 82 18 2
2535 That rug is on sideways. Superman’s curl is in the middle. 1.2157 0.04751 102 83 16 3
2536 it's probably the gluten. 1.2157 0.04542 102 82 18 2
2537 I thought he was an originalist! 1.2157 0.04751 102 83 16 3
2538 ''He must be from Las Vegas.'' 1.2157 0.05144 102 85 12 5
2539 If this becomes a trend, we may have to think about changing the name of our species-- 1.2157 0.04542 102 82 18 2
2540 And this is why no one knows who we are anymore. 1.2155 0.04207 116 93 21 2
2541 It’s odd, but I preferred him bald. 1.2155 0.04550 116 95 17 4
2542 It may look silly to us, but the chicks sure like it! 1.2152 0.05150 79 66 10 3
2543 Remember when bright feathers were enough? 1.2152 0.04653 79 62 17 0
2544 I could see the mid-life crisis coming from a mile away. 1.2151 0.04798 93 75 16 2
2545 Don't say anything, but I'm pretty sure Earl is wearing a toupee. 1.2151 0.05263 93 77 12 4
2546 I thought we were supposed to be bald. 1.2151 0.05481 93 78 10 5
2547 Wait. So the word "bald" doesn't mean white? 1.2151 0.04798 93 75 16 2
2548 And he wears lifts in his talons. 1.2151 0.05481 93 78 10 5
2549 It's a rare Shatner Eagle. 1.2151 0.04798 93 75 16 2
2550 Hes still a bald eagle but now he has power hair 1.2150 0.04205 107 85 21 1
2551 It's the new minority-majority look that scares the bejesus out of some Americans. 1.2150 0.05148 107 90 11 6
2552 Give him a bit of time. He’ll be back. 1.2150 0.04605 107 87 17 3
2553 Who is he kidding with that combover? 1.2150 0.04793 107 88 15 4
2554 Some juveniles just never grow up... 1.2150 0.04605 107 87 17 3
2555 E pluribus ooh no. 1.2149 0.04868 121 102 12 7
2556 I ain't never caught a rabbit, so I ain't no friend of his. 1.2149 0.04100 121 97 22 2
2557 Don't step on his blue suede shoes. 1.2143 0.04818 112 93 14 5
2558 I told you he was wigged out. 1.2143 0.04982 112 94 12 6
2559 At least he has a full head of hair. 1.2143 0.04412 98 78 19 1
2560 It isn't vanity, he's a professional Elvis impersonator. 1.2143 0.05077 98 81 13 4
2561 You gotta admit that it looks a little bit better than the rattail. 1.2143 0.04648 112 92 16 4
2562 Mom always stuffs more food down your throat. 1.2143 0.04648 112 92 16 4
2563 He is a rare subspecies called "The Comb Over Eagle." 1.2143 0.04529 98 81 14 3
2564 If he's a songbird.... I'm singin "Bye, bye birdie" 1.2143 0.05375 84 69 12 3
2565 He got into Jose Canseco's medicine cabinet. 1.2143 0.04648 112 92 16 4
2566 This is what happens when a bald eagle hears Elvis. 1.2143 0.05636 84 70 10 4
2567 His Elvis impersonation is just fabulous 1.2143 0.04865 98 80 15 3
2568 Forget 'truth to power.' Just tell him it looks natural. 1.2143 0.04644 98 79 17 2
2569 A little birdie told me we were supposed to be bald. 1.2143 0.04865 98 80 15 3
2570 Jimmy, this is why you never do drugs. Messes up your sleep and then you go around doing Elvis impersonations 1.2143 0.04472 112 91 18 3
2571 If rather be bald. 1.2143 0.04648 112 92 16 4
2572 Snug as a rug on a bug. 1.2143 0.05375 84 69 12 3
2573 He says chicks love the toupee. 1.2143 0.05280 98 82 11 5
2574 I's just a phase he is going through. Best to ignore it. 1.2136 0.04286 103 82 20 1
2575 Yes I know we’re supposed to be bald - but you gotta admit he has pizzaz 1.2136 0.05098 103 86 12 5
2576 Apparently, that new Rogaine for Birds really works! 1.2136 0.04709 103 84 16 3
2577 He’s rocking this tree. 1.2136 0.04286 103 82 20 1
2578 I feel like listening to some Elvis. 1.2136 0.04286 103 82 20 1
2579 Avis Propecias. 1.2136 0.04907 103 85 14 4
2580 Who does he think he's kidding? 1.2136 0.05098 103 86 12 5
2581 He says it’s all natural. 1.2136 0.04907 103 85 14 4
2582 Worse, he thinks the election was stolen, too. 1.2136 0.04709 103 84 16 3
2583 And get this -- he hasn't seen the movie. 1.2136 0.04709 103 84 16 3
2584 Don’t be a bald eagle, they said. You’ll look years younger, they said… 1.2136 0.04907 103 85 14 4
2585 'Rockin' Robin' just got a challenger. 1.2136 0.04907 103 85 14 4
2586 Oh great,another Elvis impersonator. 1.2136 0.04709 103 84 16 3
2587 He doesn't know that "balde" is the olde English word for "white". 1.2135 0.05643 89 75 9 5
2588 He says it makes him more hair-o dynamic with the chicks. 1.2135 0.04918 89 72 15 2
2589 I think he's gone wiggy. 1.2135 0.04918 89 72 15 2
2590 Should we tell him bald eagles are no longer an endangered species? 1.2135 0.05171 89 73 13 3
2591 Conformity only sets us behind. Be bold and stand alone 1.2135 0.05643 89 75 9 5
2592 Nice plumage, but would he still bring home the carrion? 1.2135 0.05412 89 74 11 4
2593 He rebranded himself. Now he wants to be called Bold Eagle. 1.2135 0.05171 89 73 13 3
2594 He gets a wig and suddenly he thinks he’s a fledgling. 1.2133 0.05467 75 61 12 2
2595 Shocking, the way he shakes his tail feathers! 1.2130 0.04753 108 89 15 4
2596 It's a hen-pecked cover up. 1.2130 0.04567 108 88 17 3
2597 dude i shat on his head earlier and i think he just found out 1.2130 0.04567 108 88 17 3
2598 I heard he had hell toupee. 1.2130 0.04753 108 89 15 4
2599 It's his Donald Trump impression." Sydney Davis. Allentown P 1.2130 0.04931 108 90 13 5
2600 He's trending now, but he'll look just like us in a year. 1.2130 0.04931 108 90 13 5
2601 Welcome to the Galapagos. 1.2130 0.04931 108 90 13 5
2602 Something about home of the free 1.2128 0.05212 94 78 12 4
2603 He just joined 'Hair Club for Birds' 1.2128 0.04752 94 76 16 2
2604 It's just a comb-over. 1.2128 0.05427 94 79 10 5
2605 Can you believe he sacrificed the feathers on his chest for that abomination on his head? 1.2128 0.05212 94 78 12 4
2606 She has never agreed we flock together. 1.2128 0.05212 94 78 12 4
2607 He's waiting for the young chicks to flock to him now. 1.2128 0.05212 94 78 12 4
2608 'Talk about someone who doesn't appreciate their heritage..." 1.2128 0.05427 94 79 10 5
2609 Poor guy, he's going haired. 1.2128 0.05212 94 78 12 4
2610 I want some of that feather cream. 1.2128 0.05427 94 79 10 5
2611 I thought we'd agreed our story is the flu came from a lab not a bird 1.2128 0.04987 94 77 14 3
2612 He's worried about the next casting call. 1.2128 0.05212 94 78 12 4
2613 Feather implants would have looked better! 1.2125 0.05539 80 66 11 3
2614 Forgive him. His dad was a cocky 1.2125 0.05539 80 66 11 3
2615 My uncle had one of those but a hunter thought it was an attractive target and that was that. 1.2125 0.05245 80 65 13 2
2616 His midlife crisis is showing! 1.2125 0.05245 80 65 13 2
2617 Between you and me, I don't think his new look is gonna fly. 1.2125 0.05817 80 67 9 4
2618 Don't be judgmental, honey, they're probably just exploring their identity. 1.2124 0.04779 113 94 14 5
2619 She should just give up and go gray naturally 1.2124 0.04779 113 94 14 5
2620 Freedom is superficial. 1.2124 0.04779 113 94 14 5
2621 He's dating a lady partridge and she likes the head plumage. 1.2124 0.04611 113 93 16 4
2622 No matter how hard he tries he'll never be a T-Bird 1.2121 0.04602 99 80 17 2
2623 Before he Preys, he puts on his Sunday best.” 1.2121 0.04821 99 81 15 3
2624 Mid-life crisis. It was a wig or a bigger nest. 1.2121 0.04372 99 79 19 1
2625 Never saw a bald eagle so worried about his bald spot... 1.2121 0.05030 99 82 13 4
2626 Best Elvis impersonator I've ever seen! 1.2121 0.04821 99 81 15 3
2627 Whats he hatching under there?? 1.2121 0.04602 99 80 17 2
2628 What he likes to draw attention to himself He thinks he's the king of rock! 1.2121 0.04821 99 81 15 3
2629 I'm guessing it's a toupee. 1.2121 0.04602 99 80 17 2
2630 He thinks it makes him look like Donald. 1.2121 0.05231 99 83 11 5
2631 The toupee really brings out his beak. 1.2121 0.05231 99 83 11 5
2632 I heard the rest of the family won't talk to him. 1.2121 0.04372 99 79 19 1
2633 Look at him. He thinks he's all that since his return from Colombia 1.2121 0.05030 99 82 13 4
2634 If it falls off when he flies, don't mention it. He's going bald and not handling it well. 1.2121 0.05030 99 82 13 4
2635 Remember when we were endangered? 1.2119 0.04480 118 97 17 4
2636 Elvis has left the building, of the aerie, to us. 1.2119 0.04792 118 99 13 6
2637 He’s been hanging out with the hairy woodpeckers. 1.2118 0.05047 85 69 14 2
2638 His name is Elvis, and is looking for a mate; not my type, he’s not bald! 1.2118 0.04762 85 68 16 1
2639 His mama's from Memphis! 1.2118 0.05317 85 70 12 3
2640 I know he looks like him but he can't sing a note. 1.2118 0.05047 85 69 14 2
2641 He's in the remake of "The "Birds" 1.2115 0.05234 104 88 10 6
2642 Did you know that he sings like Elvis. 1.2115 0.04464 104 84 18 2
2643 He’s channeling his inner Liberace. 1.2115 0.04864 104 86 14 4
2644 Whatever happened to species pride? 1.2115 0.04464 104 84 18 2
2645 That comb-over is not fooling any of us. 1.2115 0.04668 104 85 16 3
2646 He's always taken personal offense to being called a 'bald' eagle. 1.2115 0.04864 104 86 14 4
2647 Hey, where do you think he got that thing! 1.2114 0.04203 123 100 20 3
2648 With that luscious head of hair, he will never find a mate. 1.2111 0.04605 90 72 17 1
2649 Even so, I don’t think he looks like a Hairy Woodpecker. 1.2111 0.05119 90 74 13 3
2650 I caught his show in Vegas last week. It was fabulous! 1.2111 0.04605 90 72 17 1
2651 Chicks love Elvis Wigs. 1.2111 0.05357 90 75 11 4
2652 He looks different. Did he loose weight? 1.2111 0.04605 90 72 17 1
2653 There is only one thing worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.” 1.2111 0.05119 90 74 13 3
2654 He's in the building! He's in the building! 1.2111 0.04869 90 73 15 2
2655 The pigeons, of course, love it. 1.2111 0.04605 90 72 17 1
2656 But he just doesn't sound like Elvis. 1.2111 0.05119 90 74 13 3
2657 Yeah, it's too bad. He's all shook up. 1.2111 0.05119 90 74 13 3
2658 I preferred his Beatle wing 1.2111 0.04869 90 73 15 2
2659 He's not fooling anyone. 1.2110 0.04529 109 89 17 3
2660 Another combover! 1.2110 0.04890 109 91 13 5
2661 Say whatcha want about the combover; he's STILL a bald eagle! 1.2110 0.04890 109 91 13 5
2662 That "bald-eagle" stuff really ruffled his feathers. 1.2110 0.04529 109 89 17 3
2663 Another Elvis Imitator! 1.2110 0.04337 109 88 19 2
2664 Talented talons on that bird. 1.2110 0.04529 109 89 17 3
2665 He joined the cast of “Bye Bye Birdie.” 1.2105 0.05374 95 80 10 5
2666 Wearing a toupee. What a bird-brain. 1.2105 0.05717 76 63 10 3
2667 He thinks he won 1.2105 0.04740 114 95 14 5
2668 It’s just Donald being Donald 1.2105 0.05161 95 79 12 4
2669 I gotta admit, it's pretty hot. 1.2105 0.04574 114 94 16 4
2670 I’m more interested in where he got his lift. 1.2105 0.04940 95 78 14 3
2671 At first I didn't like it, but now I think he's pulling off the whole Elvis thing 1.2105 0.04574 114 94 16 4
2672 Apparently, there's a search on for a new model for the presidential seal. 1.2105 0.05161 95 79 12 4
2673 This Elvis schtick aint gonna fly. 1.2105 0.04940 95 78 14 3
2674 He hasn't been the same since the DDT. 1.2105 0.05067 76 61 14 1
2675 damn. hes fat 1.2105 0.05717 76 63 10 3
2676 Like that's going to help him during mating season. 1.2105 0.04708 95 77 16 2
2677 I then said, yes, but the full saying is “Where eagles dare NOT TREAD” 1.2105 0.04221 114 92 20 2
2678 He's the hair apparent. 1.2105 0.04940 95 78 14 3
2679 We can kiss the Bald Eagle Protection Act goodbye. 1.2105 0.04708 95 77 16 2
2680 He's eleven and still trying to pick up five year olds... 1.2105 0.04940 95 78 14 3
2681 This is the liberal agenda. 1.2105 0.05161 95 79 12 4
2682 Who's he fooling with that rug? 1.2105 0.04940 95 78 14 3
2683 Can you say ‘Midlife Crisis?’ 1.2105 0.04708 95 77 16 2
2684 He's trying to shake the national symbol look. 1.2105 0.04401 114 93 18 3
2685 And his bill's counterfeit, too. 1.2105 0.04940 95 78 14 3
2686 Vanity, thy name is Egbert. 1.2100 0.04560 100 81 17 2
2687 Elvis lives! 1.2100 0.04984 100 83 13 4
2688 You can’t tell me that isn’t natural. 1.2100 0.04777 100 82 15 3
2689 Cute, but sad. 1.2100 0.04560 100 81 17 2
2690 He totally stole it from the black eagles. 1.2100 0.04984 100 83 13 4
2691 He thinks he's posing to be on a Bitcoin. 1.2100 0.05183 100 84 11 5
2692 He just migrated from Hollywood 1.2100 0.04984 100 83 13 4
2693 Should we tell him it's on crooked? 1.2100 0.04777 100 82 15 3
2694 Embarrassed literalist 1.2100 0.04333 100 80 19 1
2695 He gets paid to circle over Trump rallies until the crowd starts pointing. 1.2100 0.04333 100 80 19 1
2696 Yeah it looks great, but animal research is still cruel. 1.2099 0.05476 81 67 11 3
2697 Do you believe Rudy? First, the hair dye and now a toupee. 1.2099 0.04880 81 65 15 1
2698 Don't even mention his new porche. 1.2099 0.05751 81 68 9 4
2699 Look at that idiot trying to dress up for Halloween in the middle of September! 1.2099 0.05187 81 66 13 2
2700 He's waiting for one that a rabbi would wear. 1.2097 0.04012 124 100 22 2
2701 We call him eagle the pelvis 1.2097 0.04475 124 103 16 5
2702 This motherfucker. 1.2095 0.04822 105 87 14 4
2703 He thinks he's all that since he got the rug. 1.2095 0.03991 105 83 22 0
2704 I told Dad he looked ridiculous with that toupee but he wouldn’t listen! 1.2095 0.05008 105 88 12 5
2705 He's the subspecies that parts on the left. 1.2095 0.04822 105 87 14 4
2706 Face it ... she wants nothing to do with us ever since she saw that Hyacinth macaw! 1.2095 0.04426 105 85 18 2
2707 He's a Trump follower... 1.2095 0.04426 105 85 18 2
2708 He’s not a Bald Eagle anymore. 1.2093 0.04994 86 70 14 2
2709 Can you believe he tweeted about his new rug? 1.2093 0.04216 129 106 19 4
2710 'He must be from your side of the family' 1.2093 0.04994 86 70 14 2
2711 He got pissed at me when I sang 'Return to Sender' to him." 1.2093 0.04994 86 70 14 2
2712 As if. 1.2093 0.04994 86 70 14 2
2713 It's Now or Never. 1.2093 0.05261 86 71 12 3
2714 This happens when you fly into Vegas for the ceremony. 1.2093 0.04994 86 70 14 2
2715 He’s trying to fool the field mice. 1.2093 0.04712 86 69 16 1
2716 I don’t think the Giuliani look works anymore. 1.2093 0.05261 86 71 12 3
2717 I think it's a little too 'Elvis.' 1.2093 0.04994 86 70 14 2
2718 You gotta be cool, relax… 1.2091 0.04849 110 92 13 5
2719 I swear it's a comb over. 1.2091 0.04674 110 91 15 4
2720 As if the birds don’t know it’s not his feathers 1.2091 0.03895 110 87 23 0
2721 That toupee is really not very flattering. 1.2091 0.04849 110 92 13 5
2722 He's been watching Donald Trump 1.2088 0.05529 91 77 9 5
2723 I heard he wanted to winter in Egypt. Apparently he nested near denial. 1.2088 0.05303 91 76 11 4
2724 He’s been trying to woo the gloster canary in the next tree for weeks 1.2088 0.05303 91 76 11 4
2725 Well, at least it’s not a ducktail. 1.2088 0.04821 91 74 15 2
2726 Technically, Haliaeetus leucocephalus Elvisaes 1.2088 0.05068 91 75 13 3
2727 Well would you look at him… proud as a peacock. 1.2088 0.05068 91 75 13 3
2728 Aren’t we more evolved than that? 1.2088 0.05068 91 75 13 3
2729 He muttered something about rebranding America … 1.2088 0.04560 91 73 17 1
2730 He’s having a bad hair day. 1.2088 0.05303 91 76 11 4
2731 I hear he also shakes a mean tail feather. 1.2083 0.04422 96 77 18 1
2732 He identifies as a peacock. 1.2083 0.05322 96 81 10 5
2733 After this rather insulting change, the breeding program took off. 1.2083 0.04422 96 77 18 1
2734 It's an elaborate "comb over". 1.2083 0.04422 96 77 18 1
2735 It a recessive gene from his mother’s side. 1.2083 0.04663 96 78 16 2
2736 I heard housekeeping is missing a duster. 1.2083 0.05524 96 82 8 6
2737 I am so tired of seeing these Elvis wanna he’s since the movie came out. 1.2083 0.04250 120 98 19 3
2738 Never mind his hairdo-- he is a catch- faithful, sober, responsible, definitely no Elvis. 1.2083 0.04893 96 79 14 3
2739 That new chick in the next tree said he sounded like Elvis, and it went straight to his head. 1.2083 0.04422 96 77 18 1
2740 It's real, right? 1.2083 0.05573 72 59 11 2
2741 If he sings "I ain't nothin' but a hound dog" one more time, I'll clip his wings. 1.2083 0.04663 96 78 16 2
2742 Should we tell him that Elvis has left the building? 1.2083 0.04663 96 78 16 2
2743 Hang in there, he'll be migrating soon 1.2083 0.04663 96 78 16 2
2744 He knows he's not fooling anyone, right? 1.2083 0.04663 96 78 16 2
2745 The chicks don't dig it. 1.2079 0.04734 101 83 15 3
2746 He's also been talking about buying a Porsche. 1.2079 0.04734 101 83 15 3
2747 It was bad enough when he insisted on bald-ING. 1.2079 0.04734 101 83 15 3
2748 The younger eagles call it ‘peacocking.’ 1.2079 0.04520 101 82 17 2
2749 He thinks he’s so wonderful because he’s not turning grey. 1.2079 0.04295 101 81 19 1
2750 It's his only New York appearance. 1.2079 0.04295 101 81 19 1
2751 I've killed a fish and two mice by the time he's done working on that in the morning. 1.2079 0.04520 101 82 17 2
2752 What is the diagnosis?he only sees birds on the ink blot test 1.2079 0.04520 101 82 17 2
2753 He's a bird of slay. 1.2078 0.05338 77 63 12 2
2754 Who does he think he is? Elvis or Elton? 1.2078 0.05008 77 62 14 1
2755 There's no fool like an old fool. 1.2078 0.05649 77 64 10 3
2756 At least it’s not an Afro. 1.2078 0.05649 77 64 10 3
2757 Birds of a feather flock together. So Jimmy’s out. 1.2078 0.05944 77 65 8 4
2758 Well, he does look younger. 1.2075 0.04589 106 87 16 3
2759 I said he flew in from St. Tropez not Bad Toupee 1.2075 0.04965 106 89 12 5
2760 Looks great on Ernie but it won't stay on in the air! 1.2075 0.04780 106 88 14 4
2761 Man that’s a bad rug! 1.2075 0.04388 106 86 18 2
2762 He thinks we won’t notice he’s bald. 1.2075 0.04780 106 88 14 4
2763 He's going a little cuckoo crazy. 1.2073 0.05415 82 68 11 3
2764 Look at Marlon Birdo over there, prancing around. You know it’s a rug, right? 1.2073 0.05686 82 69 9 4
2765 What a waste of perfectly good roadkill 1.2069 0.04664 87 70 16 1
2766 Doesn't he know that's ill eagle? 1.2069 0.05206 87 72 12 3
2767 Supercilious, don't you think? 1.2069 0.04502 116 96 16 4
2768 I mean he always was a cock. 1.2069 0.05206 87 72 12 3
2769 He’ll yeah, he’s a bald bastard! 1.2069 0.05206 87 72 12 3
2770 Just don't ask him for his autograph. 1.2069 0.04664 87 70 16 1
2771 Does he think he's fooling anybody? -- I mean, with eyes like ours? 1.2069 0.05456 87 73 10 4
2772 I guess the hair transplant really does work! 1.2069 0.04823 116 98 12 6
2773 He should have tried the feather plugs. 1.2065 0.05017 92 76 13 3
2774 I still think Jerry Lee Eagle was cooler. 1.2065 0.05017 92 76 13 3
2775 That's not all he has that's fake 1.2065 0.05017 92 76 13 3
2776 He was the last presidential seal's model. 1.2065 0.05250 92 77 11 4
2777 Elvis is feeling a little shy 1.2065 0.04773 92 75 15 2
2778 Look it's the "King of SQUAWK" 1.2065 0.05017 92 76 13 3
2779 When his wife gets home, he will have hell toupee 1.2065 0.04516 92 74 17 1
2780 oh oh.....here comes Love Me Tender 1.2065 0.04773 92 75 15 2
2781 Is it just me or does Derek look especially fly today? 1.2065 0.05017 92 76 13 3
2782 He always puts that hat on before flying down to make a kill. 1.2065 0.05250 92 77 11 4
2783 He takes our name so literal, its gone to his head. 1.2065 0.05687 92 79 7 6
2784 But he's so much more than a hound dog. 1.2063 0.03955 126 102 22