Contest #812


Cartoon

812

The winning captions

These captions are chosen by The New Yorker.

  1. “You wouldn’t understand. I need people to like me.”
  2. “This is the only place I'm allowed on the couch.”
  3. “What happened to the mouse that came in before me?”


Name Value
Submission deadline 2022-07-31T19:25:00.000Z
Voting started -
Voting ended 2022-08-14T19:36:00.000Z
Finalists announced 2022-08-08T19:36:00.000Z
Magazine(s) announcing finalists issued August 15, 2022
Number of captions 5410
Number of responses 700760
Number of participants -


Dashboard

In this table, the "mean" means the empirically measured average funniness score when the "unfunny", "somewhat funny" and "funny" receive a funniness score of 1, 2, 3 respectively. "Precison" is the standard error of the mean, the standard deviation of the mean estimate. With that, a caption with an empirical mean μ and precision σ has true mean in the range [μ - 2σ, μ + 2σ] with 95% probability by the 68-95-99.7 rule assuming the responses are indepedent and identically distributed.

Rank Caption Mean Precision Total votes "Unfunny" votes "Somewhat funny" votes "Funny" votes
0 Pleasing people is all I know, but you wouldn't understand. 2.0186 0.01607 2531 804 876 851
1 It’s just so frustrating: every time I bring the ball the back, he just throws it again. 1.9373 0.01593 2409 816 928 665
2 It's easy for you to say; you always land on your feet. 1.9297 0.01570 2545 894 936 715
3 Also, they never even told me I was adopted. 1.9137 0.01631 2364 854 860 650
4 This isn’t exactly what I had in mind when I signed up to be a therapy dog. 1.9100 0.01633 2466 931 826 709
5 It's like you can't even sniff someone's butt anymore. 1.9078 0.01563 2615 967 922 726
6 I've started drinking out of the toilet again. 1.8989 0.01116 5400 2115 1716 1569
7 I'm asking a cat for help. Does that answer your question? 1.8963 0.01595 2537 964 872 701
8 It's always "who's a good boy?" and never "how's the good boy"? 1.8767 0.01744 1930 700 768 462
9 No one asks how I’m feeling, they just look at my tail and assume. 1.8760 0.01577 2315 827 948 540
10 Are you sure it's okay for me to be on the couch? 1.8717 0.01596 2377 891 900 586
11 Then one day, I asked myself... where does he get all these bones? 1.8710 0.01722 2101 807 758 536
12 Well, naturally I wouldn't expect you to understand what it means to have a bitch for a mother. 1.8707 0.01713 2282 930 717 635
13 Sometimes, I don't want to come when I'm called - you know? 1.8551 0.01557 2395 894 954 547
14 Are you sure that I’m allowed on the couch? 1.8442 0.01525 2581 1007 969 605
15 What do you mean? Of course I want to be fixed. That's why I'm here." 1.8437 0.01900 1727 694 609 424
16 It wags nonstop, but I just don't 'feel' happy. 1.8305 0.01586 2218 838 918 462
17 It's nice to have a place where I'm allowed on the couch. 1.8294 0.01445 2714 1040 1097 577
18 C’mon, we had my breakthrough. Where’s my treat? 1.8258 0.01540 2561 1039 929 593
19 I just don't understand why she had to bring H.R. into it. I mean, that's just the proper way to say hello. 1.8242 0.02694 933 412 273 248
20 She just left me,doc. And I didn't see her again for another five,maybe even six,hours. 1.8186 0.01865 1775 738 621 416
21 I don't think you understand the pressure of being his best friend. 1.8173 0.01604 2315 939 860 516
22 I've been moody, unfriendly, and sleeping 16 hours a day. And you say that's perfectly normal? 1.8118 0.01649 2280 961 787 532
23 What I really want to know is, am I a good boy? 1.8105 0.02066 1372 556 520 296
24 Your office is the only place I’m allowed on the couch. 1.8058 0.01453 2817 1164 1036 617
25 And then I wake up and it’s my own tail. 1.8056 0.01575 2371 972 888 511
26 Loving tuna. hating playing fetch, and total disinterest in humans made me realize I'm a cat trapped in a dog's body. 1.7959 0.01640 2362 1040 764 558
27 I'm always barking up the wrong tree. 1.7930 0.01295 3817 1698 1211 908
28 I consider him a friend, just not a BEST friend. 1.7926 0.01606 2165 875 864 426
29 So I brought her a half-dead mouse, just like you told me to, and she said I'm a bad dog. 1.7916 0.01601 2385 1029 824 532
30 I guess I'm just ready to be my own best friend. 1.7858 0.01713 2003 849 734 420
31 Why did she have to rub my face in it? I was just a puppy. 1.7854 0.01920 1640 709 574 357
32 Please don't tell me to get off the couch 1.7762 0.01580 2466 1097 824 545
33 But, is he my best friend? 1.7662 0.01993 1407 596 544 267
34 You know, half the time - I don't know what he's even saying! 1.7635 0.01722 1987 876 705 406
35 All I can think about is chasing you around the room. 1.7625 0.01631 2219 981 784 454
36 Nope. I still want to chase you. 1.7585 0.01532 2398 1034 909 455
37 I can’t help but wonder if she’ll ever see me as more than just a good boy 1.7556 0.01598 2062 856 854 352
38 And you were in my dream. And it was raining us. 1.7547 0.01845 1814 837 585 392
39 I can do Zen-like aloofness until someone throws a ball. 1.7543 0.01568 2324 1019 857 448
40 I think I'm a bad dog. 1.7501 0.01602 2237 991 814 432
41 I’m just tired of always being the good boy. 1.7463 0.02495 879 380 342 157
42 So I was a middle child - 1 of 10. And never really knew my father. 1.7434 0.01889 1602 716 581 305
43 Sometimes I feel you don’t understand a word I say. 1.7327 0.01867 1661 762 581 318
44 First it was sit, then lie down, and now you want me to pay for it!? 1.7313 0.01923 1656 789 523 344
45 She sat,but she didn’t stay. 1.7170 0.02091 1297 603 458 236
46 And then he saw another dog and said, ‘Aren’t you a good boy?’ as if I wasn’t even there. 1.7169 0.02094 1399 683 429 287
47 And please don't ring the bell when our time is up. It just makes me hungry. 1.7155 0.02380 1023 483 348 192
48 This is the only place I'm allowed on the couch. 1.7100 0.02082 1431 711 424 296
49 I know it's a problem! I mean look who I came to for help. 1.7089 0.02223 1144 538 401 205
50 And then he rubbed my nose in it. It was humiliating. It wasnt even mine! 1.7079 0.02221 1188 572 391 225
51 In this new dream, it's only raining cats. 1.7064 0.02257 1141 548 380 213
52 I dream I'm running through a field with a stick in my mouth and I'm completely naked. 1.7001 0.02308 1247 657 307 283
53 Excuse me, but are you purring? 1.6995 0.02322 1055 506 360 189
54 Who IS a ‘good boy’? 1.6990 0.02375 990 470 348 172
55 I know I look like a dog, but I identify as a human. 1.6987 0.02407 1039 516 320 203
56 It’s awkward because I’m his best friend, but to me he’s just a roommate. 1.6970 0.02335 1099 546 340 213
57 How do I tell him he's not my best friend? 1.6924 0.02281 1193 610 340 243
58 I’m usually not allowed on the couch 1.6895 0.02276 1182 602 345 235
59 And its not just fire hydrants and trees anymore. 1.6833 0.02378 1042 524 324 194
60 I can´t bark at strangers anymore, I even like postmen. 1.6824 0.02539 828 394 303 131
61 I destroyed my bed, now I have to lie in it. 1.6793 0.02804 711 349 241 121
62 …And it was then I realized fetch is nothing more than a symbol for the utter futility of the canine condition. 1.6785 0.03118 591 295 191 105
63 After my vet visit, I seem to have lost my sex drive. 1.6785 0.02428 1073 567 284 222
64 You wouldn't understand. I need people to like me. 1.6776 0.02457 1039 547 280 212
65 Well,sure, easy for you to say. You always seem to land on your feet. 1.6761 0.02418 1028 529 303 196
66 I keep telling myself it's just instinct, but the fact is I enjoyed it. 1.6742 0.02662 792 393 264 135
67 No,no. It wasn’t a Freudian slip. My mother really is a bitch. 1.6710 0.02648 924 501 226 197
68 The pressure to be a good boy is overwhelming for me. 1.6701 0.03341 491 242 169 80
69 His newspapers are all online and now I'm worried that the slippers are next. 1.6663 0.02794 818 443 205 170
70 Then I said to him, "Don't be such a pussy." Oh, wait... 1.6653 0.02776 750 384 233 133
71 First off. Sorry about your bonsai tree. 1.6650 0.03910 391 204 114 73
72 ...but deep down I know I'm not a good boy. 1.6609 0.02520 932 487 274 171
73 I need to stop living for them and ignore them like you. 1.6594 0.02547 922 486 264 172
74 I tried to be a good boy. I fetched, I sat, I heeled, but then they left that roast on the counter...... 1.6591 0.02555 921 487 261 173
75 Then I realized that he didn't actually throw the ball. And that's why I think I have trust issues. 1.6587 0.02620 879 466 247 166
76 But am I really a good boy? Why do they keep asking? 1.6582 0.02556 863 441 276 146
77 I mean, it's like he expects me to be his best friend! 1.6554 0.02634 830 431 254 145
78 I come home bone tired and they make me take them for a walk 1.6536 0.02860 687 353 219 115
79 It's just... If he really thinks I'm a good boy, why does he keep asking me who's a good boy? 1.6532 0.02773 767 405 223 139
80 but I only have one life to live! 1.6527 0.02928 645 329 211 105
81 I try to see the water bowl as half full, but it’s hard sometimes. 1.6492 0.02987 573 282 210 81
82 Easy for you to say. I have only one life. 1.6489 0.02716 786 414 234 138
83 I’m Canine but I identify as Feline 1.6485 0.02795 791 432 205 154
84 But what if I’m actually barking up the right tree? 1.6467 0.02840 719 380 213 126
85 My siblings and I were considered litter. 1.6436 0.03221 564 301 163 100
86 Deep down, I'm a cat person. 1.6399 0.03232 536 281 167 88
87 And you’ve never NOT run to the door when they get home? 1.6395 0.02996 602 310 199 93
88 I started drinking.... from the toilet again. 1.6358 0.02974 681 374 181 126
89 Lately she just doesn't seem interested in smelling my butt." 1.6355 0.03137 620 343 160 117
90 What happened to the mouse that came in before me? 1.6315 0.03220 597 335 147 115
91 As you can see, I'm making great progress on my impulse control issues. Sorry about last week. 1.6314 0.03253 510 266 166 78
92 "My head says he's coming back from work, but my heart says he's left forever." 1.6313 0.02888 670 356 205 109
93 As I'm a 'therapy dog'..... this is really embarrassing. 1.6283 0.03172 573 311 164 98
94 So they ask "who's a good boy?" and sometimes I don't even know anymore 1.6270 0.03235 555 303 156 96
95 Of course I'm anxious. I'm not even supposed to be on this couch. 1.6254 0.03185 598 335 152 111
96 You'e a cat person; I don't expect you to understand. 1.6243 0.02900 668 360 199 109
97 I find my relationships are delicate balancing acts between true unconditional love and the base need for a biscuit. 1.6234 0.03074 608 332 173 103
98 At first it was just a bandana, then with the sweaters and the booties, and next thing you know I’m working at citibank. 1.6232 0.03696 475 277 100 98
99 I’d really prefer to sit 1.6212 0.03026 586 310 188 88
100 And she just expects me to roll over. 1.6192 0.03198 562 309 158 95
101 So the bones I bury are my true feelings? 1.6170 0.03481 470 258 134 78
102 I feel an overwhelming urge to chase you around the room. 1.6169 0.02971 603 320 194 89
103 Best part of therapy is being allowed on the couch. 1.6162 0.03242 555 309 150 96
104 What do you mean "He doesn't own you. You own him"? 1.6157 0.03397 471 253 146 72
105 I hear it ten, maybe twenty times a day, but I just don’t FEEL like a good boy. 1.6156 0.02967 614 329 192 93
106 I only come to get up on the couch. 1.6131 0.03587 442 244 125 73
107 It’s always ‘who’s a good boy’ but never ‘how’s the good boy.’ 1.6131 0.03331 535 302 138 95
108 So I finally caught the car and you were right...I didn't know what to do with it. 1.6124 0.03261 534 298 148 88
109 I sometimes think of what my life could’ve been, if it wasn’t for the constant distraction of squirrels. 1.6122 0.03175 557 306 161 90
110 Don't you ever wish people would say it's raining and just stop there? 1.6111 0.03244 540 302 149 89
111 and after she showed me the box with the sand, you won't believe what she wanted me to do! 1.6111 0.03444 468 256 138 74
112 At least here I’m allowed on the couch. 1.6076 0.03438 474 262 136 76
113 When you say “dig deeper” is that a metaphor, or should the hole actually be bigger? 1.6067 0.03277 511 280 152 79
114 I've been struggling to accept the fact that my bark is not worse than my bite. 1.6063 0.03310 442 228 160 54
115 Oh sure, I wag my tail, but I'm just going through the motions. 1.6062 0.03248 480 253 163 64
116 You wouldn’t understand the constant pressure being ‘Man’s Best Friend.’ 1.6029 0.03199 544 302 156 86
117 Tell me, since when is it a crime to sniff butts? 1.6000 0.03472 480 273 126 81
118 I’m not like you doc, I’m worried I won’t land on my feet. 1.6000 0.03426 470 261 136 73
119 No matter how many times I bring back her toy, she keeps on throwing it! 1.6000 0.03145 570 320 158 92
120 Lately we've been fighting like... well, you know. 1.5993 0.03277 539 307 141 91
121 I find this sooo stressful! I'm not usually allowed on the couch. 1.5992 0.03388 504 287 132 85
122 Are you sure it is OK for us to be on the furniture? 1.5975 0.03434 487 277 129 81
123 The voice inside my head is yelling "GET OFF THE COUCH!" 1.5975 0.03831 400 230 101 69
124 And then I bring it to him AGAIN, and he just throws it back. I feel like he doesn’t even WANT the ball I’m bringing him, you know? 1.5966 0.03505 466 265 124 77
125 I feel like I'm constantly chasing something that I'll never catch. 1.5954 0.03341 435 229 153 53
126 Let’s cut to the chase. 1.5950 0.03366 479 266 141 72
127 They don’t know it’s therapy - I tell them I chase you for 50 minutes every Tuesday 1.5929 0.03470 479 275 124 80
128 This isn't what I was expecting when I volunteered to be a therapy dog! 1.5920 0.03766 424 249 99 76
129 I just found out I was adopted. 1.5918 0.03650 441 256 109 76
130 Why do they keep asking? I'm a good boy. 1.5880 0.03349 517 300 130 87
131 I was barking up the wrong tree. 1.5860 0.03542 401 218 131 52
132 I keep worrying whether, deep down, am I really a good boy? 1.5856 0.03491 444 250 128 66
133 They're coming back, right? You're sure they're coming back. 1.5854 0.03464 451 254 130 67
134 When he shouts "Lay down," not "Lie down," I want to rip his throat out. It comes from my mother. 1.5846 0.03634 467 281 99 87
135 That’s easy for you to say, you have nine of them. 1.5846 0.03275 467 254 153 60
136 I want the ball, but I don't WANT to want the ball. 1.5842 0.03850 392 229 97 66
137 For starters, I'm not the 'good boy' everyone thinks I am. 1.5822 0.03501 438 247 127 64
138 and then I started thinking, what if I'm not a good boy? 1.5815 0.03707 368 202 118 48
139 Do you ever wonder if you’re a good boy? 1.5814 0.03551 430 244 122 64
140 First, thanks for letting me on the couch. 1.5799 0.03517 438 249 124 65
141 Every night I lie awake , haunted by the question . . . who’s a good boy? . . . Is it me??? 1.5798 0.03602 445 261 110 74
142 Her last words were "Get Help", so here I am. 1.5792 0.03977 385 232 83 70
143 When they said I should see Dr. Katz, I just expected--well, I don't know what I expected. 1.5792 0.03663 404 230 114 60
144 Explain to me again what the purpose of the laser pointer is? 1.5791 0.04072 316 177 95 44
145 The trouble is, I don’t believe that I am a good boy. 1.5773 0.03935 362 210 95 57
146 Am I really a good boy or are they lying? 1.5765 0.03610 392 218 122 52
147 Sit!” “Stay!” “Fetch!” It’s just one demand after another! I can’t take it anymore 1.5764 0.03730 373 209 113 51
148 Would it kill you to at least look curious? 1.5747 0.03230 482 267 153 62
149 If I were a cat, I'd feel no need to explain anything. 1.5734 0.03965 361 212 91 58
150 I feel like my co-workers don't want to play ball. 1.5722 0.03697 395 227 110 58
151 This last year has felt like seven years…. 1.5719 0.04048 306 170 97 39
152 And...I'm really fighting the urge to chase you around the room right now. 1.5718 0.03729 376 213 111 52
153 ‘’And it’s like, I’m his best friend but he’s not mine.’’ 1.5701 0.03891 328 184 102 42
154 I no longer identify as canine. 1.5698 0.04120 344 206 80 58
155 They completely abandoned me for several minutes a day 1.5695 0.03721 367 206 113 48
156 I had that same dream again where I can’t find a fire hydrant. 1.5684 0.04137 329 194 83 52
157 My wife makes me go to the bathroom outside. 1.5684 0.04796 234 135 65 34
158 First off, I want to thank you for letting me on the couch. 1.5678 0.03693 391 225 110 56
159 I hope you work out better than my previous therapist, Dr. Squirrel. 1.5678 0.03675 391 224 112 55
160 If I'm his best friend, why is he sleeping with that woman? 1.5676 0.04054 340 200 87 53
161 Yes. It's about the squirrel. It's always about the squirrel. 1.5671 0.03778 365 208 107 50
162 I've always been a people pleaser. It's my tragic flaw. I don't know if you can relate. 1.5655 0.04059 313 178 93 42
163 I don't want to learn new tricks. Does that make me a bad dog? 1.5652 0.03604 391 221 119 51
164 Sometimes I wonder if I really am a good boy.” 1.5645 0.03805 349 197 107 45
165 First of all, thanks for letting me on the couch. 1.5634 0.03983 355 211 88 56
166 ‘If I had more than one life to live, I really could’ve made a difference’ 1.5629 0.03795 334 185 110 39
167 I would feel more validated if you'd stop purring while I share the trauma of my neutering surgery. 1.5608 0.03831 378 224 96 58
168 Are you sure it’s okay to be on the couch? 1.5600 0.04226 325 197 74 54
169 My wife says that all I think about is chasing tails. 1.5586 0.03853 333 188 104 41
170 Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy?" You just can't understand the pressure. 1.5583 0.04126 326 194 82 50
171 What am I thinking? that I would rather chew this couch than lie on it. 1.5582 0.03701 378 218 109 51
172 Actually, I'm feeling fine - it's just nice to have somewhere I'm allowed on the couch. 1.5581 0.04022 344 205 86 53
173 If I'm being honest, I'd rather have nine lives than learn new tricks. 1.5581 0.03775 353 201 107 45
174 I know you’re my therapist, but can you please stop saying, “it’s a dog eat dog world?” 1.5576 0.04065 330 195 86 49
175 For just once, I’d like to be the one in the relationship that throws the stick. 1.5556 0.03934 342 200 94 48
176 Some times it feels like I’m barking up the wrong tree 1.5552 0.04024 281 154 98 29
177 This is the only place I am allowed on the furniture 1.5549 0.03970 328 190 94 44
178 I'm afraid The New Yorker is losing interest in cartoons with dogs. 1.5528 0.03753 369 215 104 50
179 ...and then one day I went to lick my balls and they weren't there. 1.5524 0.04576 286 178 58 50
180 I have this recurring dream where nothing in The New Yorker is funny anymore. 1.5515 0.04164 359 228 64 67
181 Turned out my bite was worse than my bark. 1.5513 0.04588 263 158 65 40
182 First of all, my mother was a bitch. 1.5507 0.04015 345 208 84 53
183 I like everybody. Is that bad? 1.5497 0.04072 302 174 90 38
184 I just wish someone were excited when I come home. 1.5495 0.04106 333 202 79 52
185 My mom was a real bitch and my dad was a Great Dane so I think I’ve got some kind of Hamlet complex. 1.5490 0.04635 255 153 64 38
186 Explain to me again why it’s so wrong to want people to like me. 1.5478 0.04032 314 183 90 41
187 I don’t think it’s fair that you bill me in dog hours 1.5469 0.04209 309 186 77 46
188 She always makes me beg for it. 1.5467 0.03950 364 223 83 58
189 I mean, it’s their fault they left the shoes out, right? 1.5467 0.04332 300 183 70 47
190 I just never thought I'd be a therapy dog." 1.5466 0.04062 311 182 88 41
191 Maybe you'd find me more interesting if I were a bird. 1.5460 0.04091 337 206 78 53
192 He says wants someone younger, smaller, hypoallergenic. 1.5458 0.04368 273 161 75 37
193 Time's up? I'm on dog years. 1.5458 0.04306 273 159 79 35
194 She puts the garbage right where I can get and that’s my fault? 1.5457 0.03878 328 189 99 40
195 I play with cat toys when she leaves for work 1.5455 0.03851 352 208 96 48
196 I understand it's awkward, but you're the only one in-network 1.5448 0.04313 290 174 74 42
197 sometimes a bone is just a bone 1.5443 0.04076 327 197 82 48
198 But who's MY best friend? 1.5442 0.04025 351 216 79 56
199 No matter how many times I bring him the ball, it feels like it's never enough. 1.5436 0.04131 344 215 71 58
200 No,I'm not projecting...my mother really IS a bitch. 1.5434 0.03913 357 219 85 53
201 You can’t imagine how hard it is to fake happiness when all they want from you is to fetch a tennis ball again and again. 1.5425 0.04217 306 185 76 45
202 I know my time’s up but It’s raining and what if there’s thunder? 1.5417 0.04129 312 187 81 44
203 I think deep inside I'm a people pleaser, do you know what I mean? 1.5411 0.03914 316 182 97 37
204 I always like everyone. That can’t be normal. 1.5411 0.04264 292 175 76 41
205 And it was all the cat's fault - but I got blamed . . . 1.5410 0.04400 268 159 73 36
206 I know you don’t care, but can you at least pretend to listen? 1.5410 0.03989 329 196 88 45
207 I don’t think you understand. I have only ONE life to live. 1.5405 0.03882 346 206 93 47
208 I realize now my mother was a bitch. 1.5401 0.04479 274 167 66 41
209 I don't want to be a therapy dog. 1.5401 0.04006 337 204 84 49
210 That "good boy" crap is so demeaning: I'm a dog, and I have a name! 1.5398 0.04382 289 177 68 44
211 And then, it turned out she had the ball in the hand the whole time. 1.5391 0.04716 230 136 64 30
212 What happened to that mouse who was before me? 1.5382 0.04526 275 170 62 43
213 Well, I'm usually not allowed on the couch... 1.5378 0.03900 344 206 91 47
214 Am I really a good boy if they keep asking? 1.5374 0.04188 294 175 80 39
215 There must be more to life than being a good boy. 1.5366 0.04665 246 149 62 35
216 Sure, I'm his best friend, but who's MY best friend? 1.5360 0.04488 278 172 63 43
217 To begin with,my mother was a bitch. 1.5356 0.04663 267 168 55 44
218 I did what you said. I ignored her, brought her a dead bird and threw up on the carpet. She still would not let me eat off her plate. 1.5349 0.03893 301 171 99 31
219 So I fetched the ball and she threw it again. And again. And again. Eventually I stopped, I just don’t know what she wants anymore. 1.5345 0.04408 275 167 69 39
220 You mean I’m NOT a good boy? 1.5340 0.04060 309 184 85 40
221 I've been trying to take your advice and hold back, but when I hear that key in the door, it's like a little bell goes off in my head. 1.5340 0.04262 309 192 69 48
222 Your approach is surprisingly dogmatic. 1.5337 0.03839 341 202 96 43
223 He threw the ball, I saw him throw it, but next thing I know it's back in his hand as if nothing happened. It's been going on for years now and I still fall for it. Maybe on some level I want to be deceived. 1.5335 0.04018 343 212 79 52
224 I just found out I'm neutered. 1.5329 0.04342 304 191 64 49
225 So whaddya say, doc? Can you prescribe me one of those therapy humans? 1.5328 0.04316 259 151 78 30
226 I keep asking myself, "Who's a good boy? Who? Who?" 1.5321 0.04199 280 165 81 34
227 Can anyone really be a good boy? 1.5312 0.04856 224 136 57 31
228 I feel like I've wasted my whole life barking up the wrong tree. 1.5298 0.03890 319 187 95 37
229 Easy for you to say, Doc; but I only have one life to live. 1.5296 0.04162 321 200 72 49
230 I don't want to be obedient. You understand don't you? 1.5290 0.04173 293 176 79 38
231 How does it make me feel to chase a car? You can't be serious. 1.5288 0.04097 278 161 87 30
232 When she's not home, I like to wear my wife's flea collar. 1.5279 0.04454 269 165 66 38
233 Well, for starters, my mother was a bitch. 1.5270 0.04278 296 183 70 43
234 Sometimes I feel like all I’m doing is chasing my own tail. 1.5262 0.03711 325 186 107 32
235 I’m so tired of pretending, every time he comes home, that I’m happy to see him. 1.5261 0.04499 268 166 63 39
236 To this day, I don't know why he'd tell his teacher that. I mean, homework is not even edible. 1.5257 0.04508 272 170 61 41
237 Am I a good boy? 1.5257 0.03915 350 216 84 50
238 My mother was a bitch. 1.5256 0.04312 293 182 68 43
239 The New Yorker never chooses my caption. 1.5248 0.04581 282 182 52 48
240 I do that whenever I meet someone for the first time — it’s just how I say hello. 1.5229 0.03960 306 181 90 35
241 It seems like I’m always in the doghouse. 1.5219 0.04077 297 178 83 36
242 I do everything asked of me, but I’m always just ‘good’. 1.5217 0.03914 322 193 90 39
243 It's a dog's life. You wouldn't understand. 1.5214 0.04447 257 156 68 33
244 can we agree squirrels are the enemy here, at least? 1.5214 0.04500 234 138 70 26
245 Sometimes I lie awake wondering - what happens when I actually catch my tail? 1.5212 0.04353 259 155 73 31
246 Maybe I'm just not cut out to be a therapy dog. 1.5209 0.04534 263 164 61 38
247 I ain’t nothin’ but a hound dog. And I cry all the time. 1.5204 0.04089 319 198 76 45
248 So you’re saying when your person comes home you actually want to see them ? 1.5199 0.04110 277 163 84 30
249 I'm tired of just rolling over 1.5197 0.04572 229 136 67 26
250 Who is a good boy,really? 1.5191 0.04384 262 159 70 33
251 Sometimes I feel like I’m not actually that good a boy. 1.5190 0.04731 237 147 57 33
252 I know it sounds silly to you, but I care what the family thinks about me. 1.5189 0.04325 264 159 73 32
253 Must you purr when I describe my anxiety? 1.5189 0.04336 291 185 62 44
254 ...and so is this "squirrel" in the room with us right now? 1.5185 0.08804 81 54 12 15
255 Like you care. 1.5185 0.04909 216 133 54 29
256 I dreamt of chasing you again. 1.5180 0.03665 334 194 107 33
257 I don't want to be anyone's best friend. 1.5179 0.04262 280 171 73 36
258 I’m starting to think that my owners are cat people. 1.5177 0.04269 282 173 72 37
259 This feels strange, I'm not usually allowed on the couch. 1.5175 0.04753 228 140 58 30
260 My father was a barker, my grandfather was a barker… I just feel like I have something more complex to say. 1.5174 0.04388 259 157 70 32
261 Unlike you, I actually like humans. 1.5174 0.04456 259 159 66 34
262 Why am I so obsessed with being the good boy? 1.5171 0.04214 292 180 73 39
263 I feel like you're ignoring me. 1.5159 0.04515 252 155 64 33
264 Well, the even deeper question is why we're dressed like this. 1.5158 0.04350 285 179 65 41
265 All my life, I’ve just been striving to be a good boy. 1.5156 0.04133 289 175 79 35
266 All I want is to make them happy. Do you think I'm co-dependent? 1.5150 0.04755 233 145 56 32
267 I thought she stayed home more because she loved me, not because of a virus 1.5146 0.04485 274 174 59 41
268 Why doI have to wait till the end of the session for my treat? 1.5133 0.04203 263 156 79 28
269 In hindsight, peeing on the floor may have been a cry for help. 1.5126 0.04524 238 144 66 28
270 This isn’t working. Can I chase you? 1.5123 0.04206 285 177 71 37
271 If I'm really such a good boy, why does he keep questioning it? 1.5122 0.04489 246 150 66 30
272 Good dog. Bad dog. Sit. Fetch. Roll over. I tell ya it's enough to drive ya crazy. 1.5115 0.04249 262 157 76 29
273 Despite all the breakthroughs and help you’ve given me, I still find it very, very hard to resist the urge to murder you. 1.5112 0.04501 268 170 59 39
274 I feel it’s unfair that I only get one life to live. 1.5109 0.04364 274 171 66 37
275 He only pretended to throw the ball. 1.5106 0.04487 235 141 68 26
276 "I've been drinking from the toilet at the office." 1.5097 0.04755 206 123 61 22
277 He told me his wife is his best friend. 1.5092 0.04211 271 164 76 31
278 Okay, I'll lie down, but I won't roll over. 1.5089 0.04735 224 138 58 28
279 I know it was just a stick, but it was my stick! 1.5087 0.05476 173 108 42 23
280 But if I'm not his best friend, then... who am I 1.5071 0.04768 211 128 59 24
281 I think I’m too much of a people-pleaser. You ever feel like that? 1.5067 0.04835 223 140 53 30
282 Nobody understands that I'm a cat person. 1.5063 0.04500 237 144 66 27
283 He’s gonna know I was on this couch. 1.5063 0.04664 239 150 57 32
284 Well, my first corporate meeting was going absolutely great until some joker tossed a yellow tennis ball across the floor --- and you can imagine what happened next! 1.5059 0.04476 255 159 63 33
285 Both my parents were people pleasers too. 1.5057 0.04296 261 159 72 30
286 Do you know how much pressure it is to constantly be told you're a good boy? 1.5057 0.04373 263 163 67 33
287 But AM I a good boy? 1.5052 0.04862 194 116 58 20
288 It's always 'Who's a good boy?" never 'How's a good boy?' 1.5050 0.03870 301 179 92 30
289 Are you sure I'm allowed on the couch? 1.5049 0.05224 204 132 41 31
290 Then he said 'fetch', but he hadn't thrown the ball yet. 1.5046 0.05083 216 140 43 33
291 I’m tired of obeying people. I heard you can help with this issue. 1.5046 0.04920 218 138 50 30
292 I lick what I lick...is that so wrong? 1.5042 0.04446 238 144 68 26
293 I can't learn any new tricks. 1.5042 0.04497 240 147 65 28
294 So you’re saying I can ignore them and they will still pay attention to me? 1.5038 0.04433 266 168 62 36
295 Is it normal to want to bite your therapist? 1.5024 0.04850 209 129 55 25
296 I'm MAN'S best friend. Stop asking me about my mother! 1.5022 0.04591 225 137 63 25
297 My worse day is being left alone, also known as your perfect day. 1.5020 0.04402 247 151 68 28
298 I'm just not a people person. 1.5000 0.04503 222 133 67 22
299 What can I say? My mother was a bitch! 1.5000 0.04650 240 152 56 32
300 I can’t seem to just live for myself. I’m such a people-pleaser! 1.5000 0.04628 244 155 56 33
301 and then they just didn’t throw it. how am i supposed to trust them?? 1.5000 0.04903 206 128 53 25
302 Sometimes it feels like you're completely uninterested in me. 1.4980 0.04172 247 146 79 22
303 I chose you because I thought Dr. Katz was Jewish” 1.4979 0.04794 233 150 50 33
304 I'm normally not allowed on the couch. 1.4978 0.04668 231 145 57 29
305 I dunno. I probably am a people-pleaser. 1.4972 0.05055 181 110 52 19
306 You know, your constant reminders that you're allowing me on your couch aren't particularly helpful 1.4954 0.04700 218 135 58 25
307 I'm tellin' ya doc, every time they leave it's like they're not gonna come back! 1.4949 0.04999 198 124 50 24
308 We fight like ... well, you know. 1.4949 0.04161 297 189 69 39
309 I feel as if I’m chasing my tail all day. 1.4948 0.03986 289 176 83 30
310 I tried to be aloof,just like you said. But I really just wanted to lick her face! 1.4946 0.05054 184 113 51 20
311 This isn’t working out: I’m too eager to please and you’re just indifferent. 1.4932 0.04911 221 143 47 31
312 Why can’t they fetch for once? 1.4929 0.04999 211 136 46 29
313 Am I still a good boy, doc? 1.4928 0.04932 207 131 50 26
314 I don’t think you understand how tough it is to have just one life. 1.4927 0.04272 274 173 67 34
315 Sometimes I feel that I’m not a good boy. 1.4926 0.04123 270 165 77 28
316 "Sit, Fetch, Come, Go, Take it, Leave it, Roll over," ... I don't feel I'm living up to my full potential. 1.4924 0.04180 262 160 75 27
317 At home, I'm not allowed on the couch. 1.4923 0.04898 195 120 54 21
318 They keep telling me to ‘heal, heal.’ Don’t they know I want that too? 1.4923 0.05109 195 124 46 25
319 They're working me like a dog. I wouldn't expect you to understand. 1.4919 0.04499 248 157 60 31
320 I’m torn between unconditional loyalty to my master… and the Constitution. 1.4918 0.04591 244 156 56 32
321 They leave me no choice but to do it in public! People pretend not to notice, but believe me, they can’t look away! 1.4918 0.04517 244 154 60 30
322 You wouldn't understand this, Doc, but she keeps me on such a short leash! 1.4917 0.04418 240 148 66 26
323 I'm tired of being a good dog. 1.4916 0.04324 238 144 71 23
324 On top of all that, my new boss is a squirrel. 1.4914 0.04925 232 154 42 36
325 “He said I was his best friend. Then he up and goes to work.” 1.4899 0.04736 198 120 59 19
326 She kept calling me “a good boy” but it never felt like she meant it. 1.4890 0.04297 227 135 73 19
327 It's not the same – you always land on your feet! 1.4888 0.05299 178 113 43 22
328 I don't know why but I'm feeling a lot of innate agression towards you. 1.4884 0.04465 215 129 67 19
329 And in my performance review he kept asking, "Who's a good dog?" while looking right at me. I felt so vulnerable. 1.4879 0.04979 207 133 47 27
330 Who's a good dog? Who's a good dog?" I can't stand the pressure. Why doesn't anyone ever ask, "Who's a good cat? 1.4879 0.04979 207 133 47 27
331 I keep asking myself , "Who is a good boy?" 1.4877 0.05005 203 130 47 26
332 In my recurring dream, I'm chasing my analyst. 1.4865 0.04502 222 136 64 22
333 But how do I get HIM to stay? 1.4865 0.05148 185 117 46 22
334 What do humans want? 1.4848 0.06223 132 85 30 17
335 It's the Fifth of July, why do you think I'm here? 1.4847 0.04531 229 143 61 25
336 How do you do it doc? How can you just ignore them? 1.4847 0.04878 196 122 53 21
337 Maybe you could pretend to care.” 1.4844 0.04785 192 117 57 18
338 I feel so needy. You can't possibly understand. 1.4842 0.04935 190 118 52 20
339 And then I really was eating the homework. 1.4840 0.04727 219 139 54 26
340 I'm a cat trapped in a dog's body. I don't fetch, I don't accept the first dinner offered me, and I don't respond when called. 1.4834 0.04719 211 132 56 23
341 …and then I realized he HADN’T thrown the ball, and really I think that’s where my trust issues started. 1.4833 0.05254 180 115 43 22
342 'Who's a good boy?' 'Who's a good boy?' It never lets up. You have no idea. 1.4821 0.05404 168 107 41 20
343 I seem to want to please everyone all the time. Can you help me? 1.4813 0.04670 214 134 57 23
344 My biggest fear is winding up as a sad joke in the New Yorker. 1.4813 0.04809 214 137 51 26
345 That’s easy for you to say. It’s not called a “cat-eat-cat” world. 1.4813 0.04900 214 139 47 28
346 All this time I was chasing you, I was really just running away from myself. 1.4811 0.05069 212 141 40 31
347 I envy your indifference, doc. I'm a people pleaser. 1.4809 0.04445 235 147 63 25
348 What exactly do you mean when you say I need to be fixed? 1.4803 0.05676 152 97 37 18
349 On the Internet, nobody knows I'm a dog. 1.4800 0.05654 150 95 38 17
350 I wanna be a good boy, Doc, really I do. 1.4800 0.04502 225 140 62 23
351 And then I caught…the car. 1.4800 0.04646 200 122 60 18
352 … but how do I ignore them and still get treats? 1.4796 0.04601 196 118 62 16
353 I can’t sleep, I don’t eat, and I haven’t drunk from the toilet in weeks. 1.4795 0.04637 219 138 57 24
354 The mailman came again today 1.4793 0.05314 169 107 43 19
355 I just don't think his leg loves me back. 1.4793 0.04759 217 139 52 26
356 I"m beginnning to question whether or not I am a 'good boy.' 1.4792 0.04784 192 118 56 18
357 I keep having this recurring dream that I’m chasing you and we’re not wearing these stupid suits. 1.4787 0.05042 211 140 41 30
358 It’s always ‘that’s a good boy.’ But what if I want to be great? 1.4787 0.04813 211 135 51 25
359 Sorry I chased you around the room. I still need help with urges, right? 1.4783 0.04557 230 146 58 26
360 Frankly, Dr. Mittens, my mother was a bitch. 1.4781 0.04457 251 162 58 31
361 Doctor, I'd like to stress the fact that I only have one life. 1.4779 0.04617 226 144 56 26
362 Since when is it sexual harassment to hump someone's leg? 1.4776 0.04941 201 129 48 24
363 Call me old-fashioned, but some places should never be sniffed. 1.4774 0.04927 199 127 49 23
364 Weren't we happier without the suits? 1.4771 0.04560 218 136 60 22
365 I’m loyal to you as my therapist, but I somehow feel that you are aloof, emotionally distant, and—at times—even toying with me. 1.4769 0.04730 216 138 53 25
366 I’d be a lot less anxious if I just had nine of them. 1.4757 0.04496 206 125 64 17
367 So you’re saying if I just ignore them I’ll get even more treats?!” 1.4751 0.05052 181 114 48 19
368 Sure, your wife is a queen. Mine's a bitch. 1.4751 0.04781 221 144 49 28
369 The catnip you prescribed isn't doing a thing for me." 1.4742 0.04685 213 135 55 23
370 The truth is, I wouldn’t know what to do with my tail if I caught it. 1.4742 0.04637 213 134 57 22
371 Every other executive officer has a fire hydrant in their office 1.4740 0.05157 173 109 46 18
372 I want to be my own best friend. 1.4740 0.04839 192 120 53 19
373 The 4th of July is even worse than the doorbell. 1.4737 0.05332 171 110 41 20
374 Can you elaborate when you say, " You can lick this" ? 1.4734 0.04881 207 134 48 25
375 What if chasing pussy IS the entire point of life? 1.4729 0.04326 277 183 57 37
376 He keeps asking, “ Who’s a good boy?” I just don’t know! The pressure has been getting to me lately. 1.4727 0.05543 165 108 36 21
377 I worry that you’ll just scratch the surface 1.4722 0.05071 180 114 47 19
378 Because this is the only place I'm allowed on the couch. 1.4718 0.05801 142 91 35 16
379 I think you can understand why I'm reluctant to tell you anything. 1.4714 0.04339 227 140 67 20
380 What's wrong with me? Nobody ever wants to smell my butt! 1.4712 0.04913 191 121 50 20
381 I’m too much the people pleaser. 1.4706 0.05047 187 120 46 21
382 And you’re actually sad when they leave??? Interesting. Very interesting 1.4706 0.05159 187 122 42 23
383 Doc, I don't think you'll ever understand my problem with obedience. 1.4702 0.05200 168 106 45 17
384 The Supreme Court worries me, we're next, you know. 1.4693 0.05152 179 115 44 20
385 How the heck do our shoes stay on? 1.4686 0.04428 239 153 60 26
386 Have you tried pretending you don’t know your name 1.4684 0.05796 158 106 30 22
387 I suppose I would be willing to try a litter box 1.4683 0.04817 205 132 50 23
388 Now that you mention it, I might very well be barking up the wrong tree. 1.4683 0.04717 205 130 54 21
389 I had that dream again where I'm on stage without clothes and someone keeps yelling, "Squirrel"! 1.4681 0.05301 188 126 36 26
390 He threw the ball, but when I turned around, it was still in his hand. 1.4677 0.04770 186 115 55 16
391 But do I rely on their approval too much? 1.4676 0.04541 216 136 59 21
392 What if it's me and not the mailman? 1.4675 0.05617 154 100 36 18
393 But deep down, I don't feel like a good boy. 1.4670 0.04961 197 128 46 23
394 Tell you about my mother? Well, she’s real bitch of course …” 1.4670 0.04470 227 144 60 23
395 Even now I feel an overpowering urge to chase you, Doctor. 1.4667 0.04732 210 135 52 23
396 Don't take this the wrong way, but then she called me a pussy... 1.4653 0.04767 202 129 52 21
397 and it’s like, but what if this time they really don’t come back? 1.4650 0.04956 200 131 45 24
398 So you're saying that all these years I've been barking up the wrong tree? 1.4649 0.04749 228 152 46 30
399 Sit. Stay. Roll over. The pressure to perform really gets to ya, doc. 1.4644 0.04346 239 152 63 24
400 Get ON the couch, you say! Get OFF the couch, they say! 1.4640 0.04497 222 141 59 22
401 I don’t know about your mother, but mine was a bitch! 1.4633 0.05131 177 114 44 19
402 There are some days I don’t feel like a walk. 1.4624 0.04889 186 118 50 18
403 Why? I lick 'em because I can lick 'em, that's why. 1.4623 0.05024 199 132 42 25
404 Is it wrong that I want to chase my therapist? 1.4619 0.04907 197 128 47 22
405 Thanks for pretending to care. 1.4611 0.05006 180 115 47 18
406 Nor, I'll wager, have you ever been accused of eating anyone's homework. 1.4606 0.05403 165 108 38 19
407 Fetch this, fetch that. I’m not even a retriever. 1.4605 0.04648 215 139 53 23
408 Please stop asking if I’m a good boy. 1.4605 0.04601 215 138 55 22
409 I’ve always felt like the last pick of the litter 1.4603 0.04773 189 119 53 17
410 This is the only place I’m allowed up on the furniture. 1.4601 0.05167 163 103 45 15
411 Doc, I see cats everywhere! 1.4598 0.04932 174 109 50 15
412 Me chasing you in my dreams is ok, isn’t it? 1.4592 0.05081 196 131 40 25
413 Are you actually writing any of this down or is that a laser pointer you’re playing with? 1.4588 0.05478 170 114 34 22
414 I just can’t stop rolling over. 1.4588 0.04797 194 124 51 19
415 Sure, I shake paws but the whole time I'm thinking "Can I smell your butt. 1.4588 0.05068 194 129 41 24
416 this is the only couch I don't feel guilty lying in 1.4587 0.04538 242 161 51 30
417 I’m told ‘get down’ so often, it’s no wonder I’m down. 1.4586 0.05225 181 120 39 22
418 Do you think I'm too emotionally available? 1.4586 0.05283 181 121 37 23
419 It's like some days "Good Boy!" just isn't enough, you know? 1.4579 0.04663 214 139 52 23
420 ...till one day I found out that I was adopted" 1.4573 0.04972 199 132 43 24
421 What if my bark isn’t worse than my bite? 1.4571 0.04531 210 133 58 19
422 I'm not allowed on the couch. 1.4571 0.04430 210 131 62 17
423 So what happens when I just don’t feel like being a ‘good boy’ anymore? 1.4570 0.04826 186 118 51 17
424 I just need to be told I'm a good boy every once in a while, you know? 1.4565 0.04864 184 117 50 17
425 So, you think I’m too eager to please? 1.4564 0.04317 241 155 62 24
426 I keep having this recurring nightmare that the mailman is chasing me... 1.4564 0.05592 149 97 36 16
427 All I ever wanted was to be a therapy dog, not a dog in therapy. 1.4563 0.05736 160 109 29 22
428 Last week you told me to take control of my life, to mark my territory. And I did. And that landed me in the doghouse. Honestly, sometimes I wonder if you have my best interest at heart. 1.4561 0.05194 171 111 42 18
429 You sniff one butt at an office party, and everyone acts like they don't know you anymore. 1.4561 0.05515 171 116 32 23
430 Am I really "a good boy?" 1.4560 0.04902 182 116 49 17
431 I am licking myself more than usual. You are an expert. Can you help me? 1.4556 0.05102 169 108 45 16
432 Sometimes I get the feeling you just don't care. 1.4554 0.04435 213 134 61 18
433 If anyone can help me land on my feet, it's you. 1.4552 0.05871 145 97 30 18
434 some mornings, i wake up, take a good long look in the mirror and wonder if i really am a good boy 1.4550 0.04758 222 149 45 28
435 I feel I should be chasing you... 1.4545 0.04686 187 117 55 15
436 Yes doctor, I am fighting the urge to chase you. 1.4545 0.04807 187 119 51 17
437 Things have been ruff. 1.4545 0.04624 187 116 57 14
438 Ok,yes,I admit it,I hate cats. 1.4541 0.04525 207 131 58 18
439 It’s like, I know I’m a good boy, but I just need constant reassurance. Does that make me needy? 1.4536 0.04567 194 121 58 15
440 Well it’s easy to blame my mother. She was a bitch. 1.4529 0.05215 170 114 37 19
441 It's worth the $85 an hour to be allowed to sit on the couch 1.4528 0.04645 212 138 52 22
442 I fantasize about chasing you. 1.4524 0.05123 168 108 44 16
443 Somehow, Doc, I can't help but feel like you're silently judging me. 1.4522 0.05455 157 103 37 17
444 I only have one life to live. 1.4516 0.04943 186 121 46 19
445 What kind of sicko would leave a headless mouse on my doorstep? 1.4516 0.04926 217 149 38 30
446 He abandoned me again today. 1.4515 0.04743 206 135 49 22
447 If I can just know how you get all the attention without even trying” 1.4513 0.04491 195 121 60 14
448 Pants make my tail hurt. How about you? 1.4511 0.05157 184 123 39 22
449 This may just be transference, but I'd love to chase you. 1.4503 0.05057 171 110 45 16
450 I'm a cat person. 1.4502 0.04756 211 140 47 24
451 You don't understand what it's like to never land on your feet. 1.4500 0.04679 180 112 55 13
452 I was fine, until they insisted that I dress the way they dress. 1.4500 0.04689 200 129 52 19
453 I haven’t slept since Timmy fell down the well. 1.4497 0.05168 169 110 42 17
454 I've chased all my past therapists away. 1.4497 0.05589 149 98 35 16
455 Do YOU feel like there is a point to bringing the ball back? 1.4494 0.04977 178 115 46 17
456 I’ve always felt like a poodle inside. 1.4492 0.04495 187 115 60 12
457 I just feel like we’re speaking a different language 1.4490 0.04757 196 127 50 19
458 I'm beginning to think you don't relate to me. 1.4485 0.05187 165 107 42 16
459 I don't care if Marvin is a cat, I can't help my attraction to him. 1.4485 0.04902 194 128 45 21
460 Maybe it's my anxiety talking, but when they leave, do we ever really know they'll be back? 1.4483 0.05443 145 93 39 13
461 I have to "stop seeking approval?" How do you even DO that? 1.4481 0.05234 183 124 36 23
462 May I please just cut to the chase? 1.4477 0.05297 172 115 37 20
463 But on the inside I was howling. 1.4472 0.05280 161 105 40 16
464 And then I just started licking. 1.4472 0.06131 123 81 29 13
465 Of course, I blame my mother. She was a bitch. 1.4467 0.05796 150 102 29 19
466 I’m sensing a lack of empathy from you. 1.4464 0.05188 168 110 41 17
467 I just long for the old days when chasing you up a tree didn't require me to make an appointment. 1.4462 0.05170 186 126 37 23
468 I never really got over being house trained. 1.4462 0.04717 195 126 51 18
469 What do you mean, 'is this my first life?' 1.4457 0.05038 184 122 42 20
470 You're saying I'm far too loyal? 1.4457 0.04978 184 121 44 19
471 So you say my dreams of being a cat are merely delusions of grandeur? 1.4450 0.04957 191 127 43 21
472 I've had Lab Tests. Is this my Cat Scan? 1.4444 0.06022 126 83 30 13
473 Why is it that every time she says 'Drop It!' I just can't do it? 1.4444 0.05254 162 106 40 16
474 First they let me in their bed, then they start feeding me their food. Now look at me. 1.4444 0.05467 144 93 38 13
475 If you say, perrrrrrfect, one more time I am outta here. 1.4444 0.06022 126 83 30 13
476 'Best' friend is a lot of pressure. Some days, I just want to be an 'okay' friend, you know. 1.4444 0.05106 162 104 44 14
477 Pavlov?! That name rings a bell… 1.4438 0.05558 169 117 29 23
478 It’s like the squirrels are all laughing at me from the trees 1.4438 0.05365 169 114 35 20
479 Can you take me out for a quick walk before we continue? 1.4437 0.05688 151 102 31 18
480 I get that, but who’s my best friend? 1.4437 0.05244 142 89 43 10
481 I am not sure if you can relate to my need for people to like me. 1.4433 0.04891 203 137 42 24
482 If there's any time left in this session, I'd like to spend it chasing you 1.4432 0.04837 185 123 44 18
483 And I have to check the RESCUE box on all of my applications. 1.4432 0.04776 185 119 50 16
484 It may be white, but it's still a collar 1.4432 0.05267 176 119 36 21
485 I've lost my will to roll over. 1.4431 0.04775 167 104 52 11
486 I just can't seem to keep my nose out of other people's business. 1.4430 0.04958 158 99 48 11
487 Sure, I’m man’s best friend, but who’s mine? 1.4429 0.05669 140 92 34 14
488 He didn't even really throw it. 1.4429 0.05390 140 89 40 11
489 And then I was left alone for, like, the whole day! 1.4427 0.05751 131 85 34 12
490 I just can’t help myself; I gotta chase that tail. 1.4421 0.04686 190 122 52 16
491 Why not "great boy"? 1.4420 0.05910 138 93 29 16
492 It was then I realized I had been adopted 1.4420 0.04850 181 117 48 16
493 Do you have to purr? 1.4417 0.04481 206 132 57 17
494 I have "Good Boy" imposter syndrome. 1.4417 0.05301 163 108 38 17
495 I keep hearing “your Man’s best friend”…but it’s got me thinking who’s mine 1.4407 0.04992 177 116 44 17
496 All day long, I hear, "who's a good boy?" But nobody ever answers the question. Am I a good boy? Will I ever be a good boy? 1.4404 0.04749 193 126 49 18
497 I keep having this nightmare where the car is chasing me. 1.4404 0.04861 193 128 45 20
498 What even is a 'good boy'? 1.4403 0.05397 159 106 36 17
499 I'm beginning to worry there's no farm upstate. 1.4402 0.05151 184 125 37 22
500 I bare my soul and all you do is purr! 1.4400 0.04629 200 130 52 18
501 Can't you at least feign interest? 1.4398 0.04868 166 105 49 12
502 The numbers are discouraging. Your nine lives, our dog years. 1.4396 0.04766 182 117 50 15
503 My father? My father was a son-of-a-bitch! 1.4393 0.05007 173 113 44 16
504 What’s so wrong with being a people pleaser? 1.4393 0.05007 173 113 44 16
505 I asked for a therapy dog. 1.4390 0.04908 164 104 48 12
506 So, when I caught my tail, it wasn't the joyous experience everyone said it would be. 1.4390 0.05204 164 108 40 16
507 I have trouble accepting that I have one master but you have multiple servants. 1.4389 0.05055 180 120 41 19
508 I mean, she'll sometimes wag her tail - and I love that. But no, I've never been able to actually make her purr. 1.4387 0.05344 155 102 38 15
509 There’s a lot of pressure being man’s best friend. 1.4385 0.04916 187 124 44 19
510 When did they stop calling you a good boy? 1.4385 0.05982 130 87 29 14
511 I'm sick of the office, Doc. I want to do my business in the yard. 1.4382 0.05033 178 118 42 18
512 Sorry to get all emotional, this is my first time on the couch 1.4379 0.05295 169 114 36 19
513 Loyalty isn't what is all cracked up to be...I want respect. 1.4379 0.05160 169 112 40 17
514 Of course I ate it. Wouldn't you? 1.4375 0.05297 160 106 38 16
515 First off, how come I never get to be aloof. 1.4375 0.04744 176 112 51 13
516 How do I make my tail stop wagging me? 1.4372 0.04698 199 131 49 19
517 I’m just not comfortable talking about my felines yet. 1.4371 0.05525 151 101 34 16
518 It’s never “Who’s a great boy.” 1.4368 0.05117 174 116 40 18
519 It’s always ‘good dog’, never great dog. I mean, what’s a pooch gotta do? 1.4366 0.05516 142 93 36 13
520 My mother was a b**** 1.4364 0.05389 165 112 34 19
521 I admit it, I don't pick up after myself. 1.4360 0.04958 172 112 45 15
522 You will never know what it’s like to have a bitch for a mother 1.4359 0.05470 156 105 34 17
523 But what if deep down i'm in fact not a good boy? 1.4355 0.04753 186 121 49 16
524 …and it’s raining cats. There I wake up”. 1.4354 0.05293 147 95 40 12
525 They just don't seem to think I'm a good boy anymore... 1.4351 0.05123 154 99 43 12
526 I keep chasing the frisbee, but I don't know why. 1.4350 0.04857 177 115 47 15
527 In fact I do identify as a cat. 1.4345 0.05316 168 114 35 19
528 How's it feel to finally get on the couch? 1.4342 0.05253 152 99 40 13
529 I wish I had nine lives, rather than dog years. 1.4341 0.04633 182 116 53 13
530 I feel that you're not the least bit interested in what I have to say. 1.4337 0.05628 166 117 26 23
531 It’s always “who’s a good boy?” and never “how are you feeling?” 1.4335 0.05265 173 118 35 20
532 I blame my mother, that bitch. 1.4333 0.06232 120 81 26 13
533 It’s always “Who’s a good boy?” I just don’t feel seen. 1.4333 0.06897 90 59 23 8
534 I knew you could never understand 1.4332 0.04912 187 125 43 19
535 I've tried, really tried, but I am simply incapable of being aloof. 1.4331 0.05443 157 106 34 17
536 Doc, let's cut to the chase! 1.4328 0.04767 201 135 45 21
537 Is it even possible to be a good boy these days? 1.4323 0.05098 155 100 43 12
538 At first I thought it was just a belly rub. 1.4318 0.05320 176 122 32 22
539 I’m really more of a cat person than a dog person. 1.4314 0.05227 153 100 40 13
540 I wish she'd just throw me a bone sometimes, you know? 1.4311 0.04915 167 108 46 13
541 Cats think they’re so smart and want to run my life. 1.4310 0.04981 174 115 43 16
542 They leave in the morning and they’re just gone for hours! 1.4309 0.04967 181 124 38 19
543 Sometimes chasing your tail just means you like chasing your tail. 1.4309 0.05029 181 122 40 19
544 It all started when they started dressing me up for Halloween“ 1.4307 0.05159 137 86 43 8
545 What makes you think I'm too eager to please? 1.4306 0.05088 144 91 44 9
546 Why do I feel like I have to please everyone? 1.4306 0.05545 144 96 34 14
547 It’s called Stockholm syndrome 1.4305 0.05520 151 102 33 16
548 No, I'm not 'feline' fine. 1.4304 0.05264 158 105 38 15
549 Sorry for the late start. And I apologize for chasing you around your office. 1.4304 0.05415 158 107 34 17
550 I really feel like I'm taking control, and then they throw a stick and I'm back to square one again... 1.4303 0.05102 165 109 41 15
551 I feel sometimes that you’re more interested in that mouse hole across the room than you are in me. 1.4302 0.04944 179 119 43 17
552 He was very clear, the barking continues, no promotion. 1.4297 0.06144 128 88 25 15
553 Sometimes I think loyalty is overrated. 1.4296 0.05231 142 97 33 12
554 Trust you? You won't even let me sniff your butt. 1.4294 0.05132 170 114 39 17
555 My wife and I just fight like cats and....sorry. Nevermind. 1.4293 0.04846 184 122 45 17
556 I'm still anxious, doc. Scratching the furniture didn't help. 1.4293 0.05002 191 131 38 22
557 I miss the days when chasing cats wouldn't get you fired. 1.4293 0.04709 198 132 47 19
558 Yes, I guess you’re right. I’m not a good boy 1.4286 0.04964 168 110 44 14
559 Can you possibly understand what it’s like to HAVE to go outside? 1.4286 0.05517 154 105 32 17
560 I keep feeling that you think you're smarter than me. 1.4286 0.05629 147 100 31 16
561 It all started with him getting that treadmill. 1.4286 0.05545 147 99 33 15
562 I’m not a good dog. 1.4276 0.05248 152 100 39 13
563 There’s just something about the word ‘fetch’. 1.4276 0.04904 152 96 47 9
564 And each time it happens I wonder if maybe they don't really want the ball after all. 1.4265 0.05681 136 91 32 13
565 And here I thought I was "Man's Best Friend" 1.4264 0.05695 129 85 33 11
566 I finally caught the car, but then I didn’t know what to do with it. 1.4261 0.05001 176 118 41 17
567 The catnip you prescribed just doesn’t seem to be working. 1.4260 0.05082 169 113 40 16
568 Actually I like our visits each week... except for that voice in my head that keeps yelling at me to "GET OFF THE COUCH!" 1.4259 0.05313 162 110 35 17
569 Peeing on hydrants…chasing cars…it all seems so meaningless, Doc. 1.4257 0.05598 148 101 31 16
570 We've been fighting like cats and... Well, you know. 1.4254 0.04963 181 122 41 18
571 It’s easy for you to say I should care less about what people think. 1.4252 0.05648 127 83 34 10
572 If I promise not to chase you this time, can I have the full hour? 1.4251 0.05466 167 117 29 21
573 Do you think 7 is too early for a mid-life crisis? 1.4251 0.04982 167 110 43 14
574 Deep down inside, I know that I'm not really a good boy. 1.4250 0.05757 120 78 33 9
575 If you think frisbee is not a meaningful form of bonding, why am I even talking to you? 1.4250 0.04901 160 103 46 11
576 On the Internet, no one knows I’m a dog 1.4250 0.05877 120 79 31 10
577 My wife is a cat lover 1.4250 0.05287 160 108 36 16
578 I used to get such a thrill putting my head out the car window. Now, nothing. Do you understand, doc? 1.4249 0.04504 193 125 54 14
579 I sense some animosity 1.4247 0.04805 186 124 45 17
580 I don’t feel like fetching anymore, like..what’s the point? 1.4246 0.05247 179 125 32 22
581 The catnip you prescribed didn't do a thing for me. 1.4242 0.04798 165 106 48 11
582 But the door was wide open. Wide open! 1.4242 0.05390 132 85 38 9
583 Fetch, heel, roll over, stay, beg, play dead - there's just no pleasing them, Doctor! 1.4241 0.04772 191 128 45 18
584 I thought I would love having them around all day. 1.4241 0.05258 158 106 37 15
585 My owner kept telling me I was a 'good boy' ... so I felt he never saw me as the man I really am. 1.4237 0.04848 177 117 45 15
586 Dad and I got along but mother was a bitch. 1.4237 0.04914 177 118 43 16
587 I’ve never thought of wanting to be liked as a bad thing. 1.4234 0.05553 137 91 34 12
588 Fetch, Sit, Heel. Foreign to you , but this is all I know. 1.4224 0.05406 161 111 32 18
589 When I talk about my constant need for praise, it seems like you just don't get it. 1.4221 0.05434 154 105 33 16
590 When you’ve got 70 kids, you’re bound to have an argument with at least one of them, right? 1.4220 0.04926 173 115 43 15
591 Then she said "dogs have owners; cats have staff. 1.4218 0.05705 147 102 28 17
592 The chasing, the barking, I never really understood why I did it. 1.4218 0.05454 147 99 34 14
593 I didn’t realize my other 8 lives were going to be dogs. 1.4217 0.05000 166 110 42 14
594 My boss just won't stop barking orders at me. 1.4213 0.05083 178 122 37 19
595 And they make me hold it in for hours. 1.4211 0.05301 171 119 32 20
596 And then, right in the middle of my presentation, the doorbell rang. 1.4211 0.05867 133 91 28 14
597 So then he put on the collar and handed me the leash, but I’m just not into that kinky stuff. 1.4211 0.05072 152 99 42 11
598 I wish I were everyone's best friend. 1.4208 0.04919 183 124 41 18
599 I'm here because my smartwatch says I'm depressed. 1.4207 0.05331 145 96 37 12
600 I had no idea YOU were Schrödinger's cat… 1.4207 0.05679 145 100 29 16
601 I mean, is it wrong to want everyone to like me? 1.4206 0.06510 107 73 23 11
602 I think we should talk about the elephant in the room. 1.4203 0.05616 138 93 32 13
603 I'd give anything for aloofness and a litter box. 1.4203 0.05616 138 93 32 13
604 I had the dream again where I'm naked and have to pee on a fire hydrant. 1.4203 0.05616 138 93 32 13
605 It's like I'm not even a good boy anymore. 1.4203 0.05326 138 90 38 10
606 Do you think it's bad that I'm such a people pleaser? 1.4201 0.04717 169 109 49 11
607 For some reason, I feel like you're ignoring me. 1.4200 0.05118 150 98 41 11
608 No matter what they say, I just don’t feel like a good boy. 1.4200 0.04940 150 96 45 9
609 They laughed when I asked for a doggy bag . 1.4196 0.05473 143 96 34 13
610 Have you tried not giving a sh**? 1.4194 0.05633 155 109 27 19
611 Which do you think should be worse, my bark or my bite? 1.4189 0.05340 148 99 36 13
612 Easy for your to say...you have nine lives. 1.4189 0.05425 148 100 34 14
613 Is it OK if I lay on my stomach instead? I'd feel a lot more comfortable that way. 1.4189 0.05340 148 99 36 13
614 I tried to ignore them like you said but then the boy threw the ball. 1.4181 0.05164 177 123 34 20
615 But is it wrong that I feel worse when they come home? 1.4176 0.04983 170 114 41 15
616 It's hard to believe that you care about anything. 1.4172 0.05177 151 100 39 12
617 I don't like to say it, but my mother was a bitch. 1.4171 0.04899 187 128 40 19
618 Aren't I a good boy? 1.4167 0.04978 156 102 43 11
619 I think I need to try and be my own best friend for a while. 1.4167 0.05593 132 88 33 11
620 'I want to do more than have sex with his leg' 1.4167 0.05618 144 99 30 15
621 I would be more comfortable if you wouldn't purr while I'm talking. 1.4162 0.04782 173 114 46 13
622 But why is being a people pleaser such a bad thing? 1.4161 0.04709 161 103 49 9
623 How could you possibly understand? You’ve got nine lives and I’ve only got one! 1.4161 0.05545 137 92 33 12
624 I just don’t feel like a ‘Good Boy’ anymore. 1.4161 0.05735 137 94 29 14
625 And then I actually caught it, but I didn’t know what to do with it. 1.4159 0.06376 113 78 23 12
626 I keep having these dreams where everyone runs around naked and barks at things indiscriminately. 1.4157 0.05209 166 114 35 17
627 It said Dr Katz on the door, but I just assumed you’d be a dog. 1.4155 0.05405 142 95 35 12
628 My mother never allowed me on the couch. 1.4154 0.05859 130 89 28 13
629 I just want to please people, but I doubt you'd understand that. 1.4153 0.05687 118 77 33 8
630 I've made great progress since our first session, doc, when all I wanted to do was chase you up that tree outside the office. 1.4151 0.04992 159 105 42 12
631 It's just that being a "Good Boy" doesn't seem to be enough anymore. 1.4146 0.05878 123 83 29 11
632 Can you understand that my only goal in life is to make my owners happy? Doc? …Doc? 1.4146 0.05532 164 117 26 21
633 I’m tired of being the good boy. 1.4143 0.05643 140 96 30 14
634 After the surgery I lost my identity. 1.4143 0.05458 140 94 34 12
635 I just wish I could land on my feet like you. 1.4143 0.05067 140 90 42 8
636 Dr Katz, you're the first person not to tell me to get off the furniture 1.4143 0.05363 140 93 36 11
637 I just don’t feel like a good boy 1.4136 0.05003 162 108 41 13
638 I've never paid for pussy before. 1.4136 0.05079 162 109 39 14
639 You were right, fetching is pointless. I'm thinking of playing dead. 1.4136 0.05228 162 111 35 16
640 Yeah, but when I do it, it's called begging. 1.4130 0.04770 184 124 44 16
641 I feel like I've spent my whole career chasing my tail. 1.4129 0.05399 155 107 32 16
642 It’s always good boy, never great boy or terrific boy! 1.4126 0.05375 143 96 35 12
643 When is my day? 1.4122 0.05923 131 91 26 14
644 Doctor, sometimes a bone is just a bone. 1.4122 0.04975 148 96 43 9
645 Doctor, why do I have this compulsive need to please humans? 1.4121 0.04938 165 110 42 13
646 But you have nine lives. I don’t. 1.4121 0.05085 165 112 38 15
647 I miss bringing in newspapers. 1.4118 0.05569 136 92 32 12
648 My boss said I was a good boy and threw me a bone in the meeting. How is that not a compliment? 1.4118 0.05163 136 88 40 8
649 I do understand intellectually that it's merely a stereotypical cultural construct, yet the urge to get up and chase you still seems so very real to me. 1.4118 0.05115 170 117 36 17
650 I don't want any more pills. I just want someone to listen to WHY I'm barking. 1.4110 0.04925 146 94 44 8
651 It may sound cliche, but my mother was a real bitch. 1.4110 0.05723 146 103 26 17
652 My mother was such a bitch. 1.4109 0.05887 129 89 27 13
653 Is it true that you really could care less? 1.4104 0.05213 134 87 39 8
654 You won’t understand. My wife’s a bitch and I’m always in the doghouse. 1.4104 0.05823 134 93 27 14
655 What would you know about being a good boy? 1.4103 0.05053 156 104 40 12
656 Sometimes, I feel like someone's got my tongue. 1.4101 0.05481 139 94 33 12
657 The sniffing,the barking,the licking,I just had enough. 1.4101 0.05385 139 93 35 11
658 Sometimes I just feel like I’m running in circles, chasing my own tail. You know? 1.4101 0.05086 139 90 41 8
659 Have you tried just not giving a shit? 1.4094 0.05290 171 121 30 20
660 So, actually, she WAS a tramp. 1.4091 0.05787 132 91 28 13
661 Barking at you when I came in … you’re not going to write that down, are you? 1.4091 0.05787 132 91 28 13
662 Is it wrong to care what people think of you? 1.4088 0.04985 159 106 41 12
663 I love cats. Always have. I just feel uncomfortable using the ‘p’ word. 1.4088 0.05219 159 109 35 15
664 I was told you could help me be more aloof. 1.4088 0.05439 137 92 34 11
665 And every time he told me to sit, I did it. But what about what I wanted? 1.4087 0.06285 115 80 23 12
666 Do you see that red dot over there? It keeps moving 1.4085 0.05030 164 111 39 14
667 Your problem is you really care. 1.4085 0.05579 142 98 30 14
668 I work like a dog and I still can’t get ahead. 1.4083 0.05202 169 118 33 18
669 I feel like you think you think you’re smarter than I am 1.4080 0.06232 125 89 21 15
670 I just don’t feel the mailman loves me. 1.4079 0.04971 152 100 42 10
671 Are you even listening? 1.4077 0.05643 130 88 31 11
672 Doc,why do cats never answer my questions? 1.4076 0.05188 157 107 36 14
673 I'm not always a good boy. 1.4076 0.04702 184 124 45 15
674 I just can't keep up the unconditional love thing 1.4076 0.04764 184 125 43 16
675 I just don't think you understand. I'm a people pleaser. 1.4074 0.05493 135 91 33 11
676 Have you tried sitting on their keyboard? 1.4074 0.06034 108 72 28 8
677 Andrew Loyd Weber still blames me for the reviews. 1.4072 0.05382 167 119 28 20
678 I try not to judge, but peeing on hydrants is just so uncivilized. 1.4071 0.05847 113 75 30 8
679 I don’t know doc. Refusing to eat. Why would I do that again? 1.4069 0.05225 145 97 37 11
680 Sometimes I feel like I’m loyal to a fault. 1.4067 0.05103 150 100 39 11
681 Where do I start? My mother was a bitch. 1.4065 0.05234 155 106 35 14
682 We can try to dig deeper, but never, ever in the flowers. 1.4065 0.05469 155 109 29 17
683 I have a hard time really believing that I'm a good boy. 1.4061 0.04931 165 111 41 13
684 I beg them for attention, but all they do is stare at their phones. 1.4058 0.05785 138 97 26 15
685 I don't know who's a good boy anymore. 1.4056 0.05026 180 126 35 19
686 Everything's going great. I just don't know why she keeps calling me a therapy dog. 1.4054 0.05059 148 98 40 10
687 They always ask, “Who’s a good boy?” Never, “How did it feel being torn away from your family?” 1.4054 0.05410 148 102 32 14
688 How can I be sure that I'm his best friend? 1.4054 0.05237 148 100 36 12
689 It all started when they named me Oedipus Rex 1.4051 0.04839 158 104 44 10
690 I've started purring lately. 1.4051 0.04921 158 105 42 11
691 It all started when I saw my first litter box and thought ‘that’s for me’. 1.4050 0.06051 121 84 25 12
692 Why wouldn't I have to be his best friend? 1.4049 0.05048 163 111 38 14
693 But on the internet, not even cats know you're a dog 1.4048 0.05875 126 87 27 12
694 Usually I just do ‘sit’ but now I definitely see the appeal of ‘lie down’ 1.4046 0.04626 173 114 48 11
695 My mother wasn’t a dog person. 1.4046 0.05914 131 92 25 14
696 I was caught drinking at the office again. If only they would keep the toilet lids down. 1.4044 0.05560 136 93 31 12
697 So I barked, and then she barked, and then I barked.... 1.4043 0.05324 141 95 35 11
698 Yes, I always want to chase them. I want to chase you right now. 1.4041 0.05196 146 98 37 11
699 And have you ever tried simply not caring about your owner’s affection? 1.4040 0.05330 151 104 33 14
700 It's always 'Who's a good boy?' but never 'How's a good boy?' 1.4038 0.06339 104 71 24 9
701 I’ve been chewing on your last bill… 1.4036 0.04756 166 110 45 11
702 Sure, it's white collar, but it's still a collar. 1.4035 0.06195 114 79 24 11
703 I fetch, I roll over, I even beg, but it’s never enough. 1.4035 0.06068 114 78 26 10
704 My life is hopeless. Can I have one of your nine ? 1.4035 0.05672 114 75 32 7
705 Well, first of all, I feel very guilty because I know I'm not allowed on the couch. 1.4034 0.04979 176 122 37 17
706 I should be barking at you. 1.4034 0.05885 119 81 28 10
707 But my mother IS a bitch... 1.4034 0.06005 119 82 26 11
708 I believe that the root of your problem is your need for human beings. 1.4032 0.05600 124 83 32 9
709 Chasing the ball isn’t fun anymore. 1.4031 0.05877 129 90 26 13
710 I caught a car last week and then I was like, now what? 1.4030 0.05517 134 91 32 11
711 And my mom said if it's put in front of you, eat it. And if it hisses at you, bark at it. And if it runs from you, chase it. And if...... 1.4029 0.05376 139 94 34 11
712 You just don't understand, Doc--you always seem to land on your feet. 1.4028 0.05151 144 96 38 10
713 ….and in the dream, after I sniff, she turns around and it’s my mom’s face. 1.4028 0.05336 144 98 34 12
714 Lately I'm all bite and no bark 1.4027 0.04941 149 98 42 9
715 What is so wrong with wanting to leave you mark on the world? 1.4027 0.05296 149 102 34 13
716 I'm only submitting to the Freudian method because you allow me to get on the couch. 1.4027 0.05209 149 101 36 12
717 Why was I never allowed to have a litter box? 1.4027 0.05380 149 103 32 14
718 And sir, you're sure that it's not just your tail following you? 1.4026 0.05254 154 106 34 14
719 Dr. Katz, you seem unsympathetic to my situation. 1.4025 0.05362 159 112 30 17
720 Sure, I chase the cars. But what would I do if I actually caught one? 1.4015 0.05253 132 87 37 8
721 I have to admit it. I like cats. Does that make me weird? 1.4015 0.05253 132 87 37 8
722 I hope you can run faster than my last therapist. 1.4015 0.05623 137 95 29 13
723 The only recognition I get at work is the occasional pat on the head. 1.4014 0.05102 142 94 39 9
724 But why just me? They never made Kitty roll over and play dead. 1.4000 0.05305 130 86 36 8
725 I mean, they are always telling me I'm a good boy, but I just don't feel like a good boy. 1.4000 0.05049 140 92 40 8
726 I like kittens. 1.4000 0.05964 120 83 26 11
727 I tried being more like you, but 'aloof' doesn't get any treats... 1.4000 0.05964 120 83 26 11
728 I think I love more than one person. 1.4000 0.05682 135 94 28 13
729 Is it wrong for me to want to be a mailman? 1.4000 0.05534 140 97 30 13
730 Story of my life, really. Of the 20,000 therapists advertised, I get a cat. 1.4000 0.05307 145 99 34 12
731 I knew she was a cat, but it didn't matter. I loved her. 1.4000 0.05416 130 87 34 9
732 My hydrant training? Really? 1.4000 0.06195 120 85 22 13
733 Could you not just tell me how to ignore the tennis ball? 1.4000 0.06117 125 89 22 14
734 Ok, so my mother was a bitch. That’s why I’m messed up? 1.4000 0.05941 130 92 24 14
735 It's always the same dream...I sit, I beg, but I can't close the Peterson deal. 1.4000 0.06011 125 88 24 13
736 What do you think they mean by “You’re in the dog house!”? 1.4000 0.04730 150 97 46 7
737 You can’t understand the pressure of a dog-eat-dog world 1.4000 0.05248 140 94 36 10
738 And how long have you been calling your mother "that bitch" 1.4000 0.05680 125 85 30 10
739 Sure I have boundary issues but you dont know what Invisifence is like. 1.4000 0.04932 145 95 42 8
740 And after all that, it turned out that all she wanted to do was play “fetch. 1.3987 0.05274 153 106 33 14
741 Am I really a son of a bitch? 1.3985 0.05840 133 94 25 14
742 Have you tried being less emotionally available? 1.3985 0.05436 133 90 33 10
743 What's the matter, 'dog got your tongue'? 1.3984 0.05742 123 84 29 10
744 I’m a well dressed senior, but they still call me ‘Boy’. 1.3981 0.06162 108 74 25 9
745 It’s like they don’t even read all of the submissions. How are THESE the finalists!? 1.3981 0.07081 103 76 13 14
746 Did you ever think of just chasing your tail 1.3977 0.04799 171 116 42 13
747 Why do I feel like you don't hear a thing I am saying. 1.3977 0.04870 171 117 40 14
748 So then it occurred to me, if you can change your gender then why not your species. 1.3975 0.05159 161 112 34 15
749 Although I am biologically canine and satortially human, I identify as feline. 1.3974 0.05486 151 107 28 16
750 Sometimes i feel like I'm running in circles, chasing my own tail. 1.3973 0.04809 146 95 44 7
751 Every time she leaves, I’m afraid she won’t come back. You wouldn’t understand. 1.3973 0.05366 146 101 32 13
752 Oh, aren’t you being catty! 1.3972 0.05315 141 96 34 11
753 She kicks all the poop out of her litter box and nobody says a word. I accidentally poop on the floor and everyone calls me a bad boy. Am I a bad boy? Am I? Am I? 1.3972 0.05409 141 97 32 12
754 I find you so remote. 1.3972 0.05502 141 98 30 13
755 I guess this makes you my therapy cat. 1.3971 0.06021 136 99 20 17
756 Fine . . . if you must know, my mother was a bitch!" 1.3969 0.05701 131 91 28 12
757 Don't get me wrong. Some of my best friends are cats. 1.3966 0.05983 116 80 26 10
758 I feel as though you're being somewhat aloof when I talk with you. 1.3963 0.04786 164 110 43 11
759 I keep having this reoccurring dream that it is raining and you and I are falling out of the sky. 1.3961 0.05784 154 114 19 21
760 I feel that you're being very aloof. 1.3961 0.04911 154 103 41 10
761 What if I want to be more than best friends? 1.3960 0.06461 101 70 22 9
762 I guess I'm just not a dog person. 1.3960 0.05200 149 105 32 12
763 I can't help feeling I'm too much of a people pleaser. 1.3957 0.05268 139 94 35 10
764 I think I'm a good boy, but I feel like not everyone agrees. 1.3955 0.05607 134 93 29 12
765 Can't we just cut to the chase? 1.3955 0.05607 134 93 29 12
766 I’ve always felt like a cat trapped in a dog’s body. 1.3953 0.05969 129 92 23 14
767 My son called me a “pussy”… no offense 1.3953 0.05763 129 90 27 12
768 Okay, but, what does the Mailman represent? 1.3950 0.05366 119 78 35 6
769 Fetch! Roll over! Beg! Where did humans get those ideas? 1.3949 0.05092 157 108 36 13
770 Bark, bark, bow-wow. You just wouldn't understand. 1.3945 0.06649 109 79 17 13
771 Why do I always feel like I’m chasing my tail? 1.3945 0.05832 109 73 29 7
772 But I have always been a people pleaser… 1.3942 0.05217 137 92 36 9
773 They say I’m a ‘good boy’, but what do I have to show for it? 1.3942 0.05419 137 94 32 11
774 I think it's a major cultural misappropriation to say it's raining cats and dogs. Don't you think? 1.3939 0.05242 132 91 32 9
775 Maybe I'm projecting, but I feel like you're judging me. 1.3937 0.05142 127 83 38 6
776 And why do cats get to sleep on the furniture? 1.3937 0.05932 127 90 24 13
777 I’ve never been able to catch a squirrel. 1.3934 0.05768 122 84 28 10
778 It’s too much. I can’t be their only source of emotional support. 1.3934 0.05649 122 83 30 9
779 Of course I don’t expect you to fully understand…. 1.3933 0.05258 150 104 33 13
780 I know I’m a good boy…but I want to be a *great* boy. 1.3933 0.04996 150 101 39 10
781 I can't help it--I only have one life! 1.3932 0.06064 117 82 24 11
782 Sometimes I feel like I'm just here for your amusement. 1.3931 0.05475 145 102 29 14
783 It’s just one damn fetch after another! 1.3929 0.05997 112 77 26 9
784 Doctor, I'm afraid my gatophobia is getting worse 1.3929 0.06130 112 78 24 10
785 Having just one life doesn’t seem fair. 1.3926 0.04722 163 109 44 10
786 And then she called me a pussy 1.3926 0.05863 135 97 23 15
787 All I’ve ever really wanted is to be a Good Boy… 1.3926 0.05371 135 92 33 10
788 So tell me, who is the good boy? 1.3923 0.05514 130 89 31 10
789 . “It’s a dog-eat-dog world out there and I’m wearing Milkbone underwear.” (Credit Norm from Cheers) 1.3922 0.05346 153 108 30 15
790 My mother's name was Nugget. My father was Fido, or Spot, or Speckles, maybe Blackie, or Pooch, or Buddy, I'm not really sure. 1.3920 0.06000 125 89 23 13
791 How could I care less? 1.3918 0.06481 97 67 22 8
792 The thing is, Doc, if I did catch the car I wouldn't even know what to do with it. 1.3916 0.05439 143 100 30 13
793 I really appreciate you're letting me lie on your couch. 1.3916 0.05348 143 99 32 12
794 In the dream we were both naked and I was chasing you and growling" 1.3907 0.05557 151 109 25 17
795 And in the dream I'm naked, walking on four paws with a collar around my neck. 1.3906 0.05997 128 92 22 14
796 ‘I think I might be a dog’ 1.3906 0.05789 128 90 26 12
797 Shouldn’t I be seeing a licensed therapy dog? 1.3905 0.04830 169 116 40 13
798 I don't feel like a good boy. 1.3905 0.06274 105 73 23 9
799 I worry that when I'm on the Internet, everybody knows I'm a dog. 1.3902 0.05612 123 84 30 9
800 So there it is doc: I hate you. 1.3897 0.05441 136 94 31 11
801 I am worried my new boss is not a good boy. 1.3895 0.07376 95 71 11 13
802 I'm always doing what I'm told just to get love and validation. Ya know what I mean? 1.3894 0.05683 113 76 30 7
803 … and you really think tearing the sofa will work Doctor? Lying across their sleeping faces didn’t get me one “Good boy!” at all 1.3893 0.05690 131 92 27 12
804 Can I chase you when we've finished the session? 1.3893 0.05480 131 90 31 10
805 Why -- why does it have to be such a dog eat dog world? 1.3889 0.05408 144 101 30 13
806 Why do you think I'm barking up the wrong tree? 1.3889 0.05131 144 98 36 10
807 You say 'roll over' like it's a bad thing. 1.3889 0.05036 144 97 38 9
808 They kept telling me that dogs were not as smart as cats..... 1.3884 0.05426 121 81 33 7
809 I've always advised that curiosity isn't exactly a good thing. 1.3881 0.05495 134 93 30 11
810 I keep having this recurrent nightmare in which my therapist is a huge cat. 1.3879 0.06094 116 82 23 11
811 Sorry doc, but I fell you are aloof and indifferent. 1.3878 0.05327 147 103 31 13
812 Some of my best friends. . . .no, it isn't true. 1.3874 0.05748 111 75 29 7
813 Everywhere I look I see cats 1.3874 0.06026 111 77 25 9
814 If you tell anyone I came here, I will bite you. 1.3873 0.05274 142 98 33 11
815 Can't I just curl up at your feet? I'm not supposed to lie on the couch. 1.3873 0.05274 142 98 33 11
816 I'm obsessed with another species. 1.3873 0.04406 204 141 47 16
817 I’m just not good with boundaries unless they are electrified, Doc. 1.3871 0.04790 155 104 42 9
818 Have you tried sleeping 17 hours a day?” 1.3871 0.05046 155 107 36 12
819 You keep saying ‘subservient’ like it’s a bad thing. 1.3871 0.05692 124 86 28 10
820 Doctor, why do I sniff butts? 1.3869 0.05698 137 98 25 14
821 That depends. What do you consider "enough sleep"? 1.3867 0.04986 150 102 38 10
822 Here I am every week earnestly and fervently contemplating the human condition while you jot notes and wash your face. 1.3867 0.05163 150 104 34 12
823 And another thing. The homework was the best meal I had all week. 1.3861 0.06288 101 70 23 8
824 OK, here goes ... I am sexually attracted to cats. 1.3861 0.05214 158 112 31 15
825 : Let me get this straight, your human comes home and you immediately stop what you're doing. 1.3856 0.05005 153 105 37 11
826 I tried being more aloof, like you said, I really did. But then she came home. 1.3854 0.06846 96 69 17 10
827 Do you ever worry that people don’t like you? 1.3854 0.06517 96 67 21 8
828 But then I realized - they hadn't actually thrown the ball. 1.3853 0.05960 109 75 26 8
829 I had that dream again but this time the mailman was my father. 1.3853 0.05960 109 75 26 8
830 Never mind. Scratch that. 1.3852 0.06098 122 88 21 13
831 I feel like you understand me, but you don't really care. 1.3852 0.05562 135 95 28 12
832 The fact is—my mother is a bitch. 1.3852 0.05360 135 93 32 10
833 I feel like I've spent my whole adult life just chasing my tail. 1.3846 0.05609 130 91 28 11
834 ...and cats aren't even afraid of me anymore. 1.3846 0.05543 117 79 31 7
835 Have you tried ignoring them? 1.3846 0.06948 91 65 17 9
836 But you don’t have to live in a dog eat dog world! 1.3846 0.05543 117 79 31 7
837 Not be insulting, but you're not my first choice. My HMO sent me to you. 1.3846 0.05429 143 101 29 13
838 You've got it good, Doc: this is the only couch I'm allowed on. 1.3846 0.05244 143 99 33 11
839 I’ve been fetching the ball my whole life. 1.3846 0.04982 117 75 39 3
840 I don’t understand why I always do what people tell me to do. 1.3846 0.05928 117 82 25 10
841 I think she only adopted me to make money on tik tok 1.3846 0.05543 117 79 31 7
842 After all this time, I'm still wondering who is a good boy. 1.3846 0.04837 182 129 36 17
843 I keep having this recurring dream that my therapist is a cat. 1.3841 0.05387 151 108 28 15
844 If it's a dog-eat-dog world out there, why am I so afraid of cats? 1.3841 0.05135 151 105 34 12
845 I want her to throw the ball, but I just can’t let go 1.3838 0.06042 99 67 26 6
846 ... I listened, I behaved, I rolled over, but they never, ever told me I was a good boy. 1.3836 0.04952 159 110 37 12
847 What good will a cat scan do me? 1.3836 0.05339 159 115 27 17
848 Sometimes I think you just don't care. 1.3835 0.05720 133 95 25 13
849 It’s taking everything I’ve got not to sniff your butt right now. 1.3832 0.06592 107 78 17 12
850 I just can’t shake the feeling that you’re mocking me 1.3831 0.04978 154 106 37 11
851 What was I supposed to call her? 1.3830 0.05840 141 104 20 17
852 I'm starting to crawl into boxes. 1.3828 0.05669 128 90 27 11
853 ...and I bring it back, and their mouth says 'good boy', but yet they always throw it away all over again... 1.3824 0.06542 102 73 19 10
854 I know everybody tells me I'm a good boy... but what if I'm not? 1.3821 0.05599 123 85 29 9
855 Could you ignore me again at two o'clock next Thursday? 1.3818 0.06325 110 79 20 11
856 it all started at the fire hydrant 1.3816 0.05192 152 107 32 13
857 But, who's to say I am indeed a good dog? 1.3816 0.05107 152 106 34 12
858 I've lost my fetch. 1.3814 0.05943 97 65 27 5
859 Just once I’d like to hear someone describe something great as ‘the dog’s bark’! 1.3813 0.05536 139 99 27 13
860 Get the ball....Get the ball...Get the ball...Why can't they just get it their damn selves? 1.3810 0.05138 147 102 34 11
861 When and WHY did we start wearing pants?!? 1.3810 0.06110 105 73 24 8
862 I'm constantly embarrassed by my uncontrollable urge to wag my tail. 1.3806 0.05585 134 95 27 12
863 But I don't know how to play hard to get. 1.3802 0.05537 121 83 30 8
864 I thought it was love. Then he tells me I’m his best friend. 1.3800 0.06321 100 70 22 8
865 I think I'd feel a lot better if you just let me chase you a little bit. 1.3798 0.05185 129 87 35 7
866 Birds…right? 1.3798 0.05739 129 92 25 12
867 Does it have to be a dog eat dog world ? 1.3797 0.05127 158 112 32 14
868 I’ve come to accept that I’m the son of a bitch. 1.3796 0.05873 137 101 20 16
869 And just like that I didn't want to play fetch and now I'm questioning everything. 1.3793 0.05277 145 102 31 12
870 Doctor, I feel like you’re ignoring me while you play with that pen. 1.3791 0.05080 153 107 34 12
871 I can't lose the feeling that you just don't give a damn. 1.3790 0.05905 124 89 23 12
872 I get dressed every morning, but she still goes to work without me. 1.3790 0.05321 124 84 33 7
873 They keep moving my bowl. 1.3790 0.05443 124 85 31 8
874 Tell me,what does this guilt feel like? 1.3790 0.05905 124 89 23 12
875 Sometimes I think that even you hate me. 1.3789 0.06723 95 68 18 9
876 Doc, Thanks you are the only one who has ever given me permission to be on the couch. 1.3788 0.05327 132 91 32 9
877 Well, I tried the ball of yarn thing. It didn't work. 1.3788 0.04990 132 88 38 6
878 They took me to ‘Take Your Dog to Work Day’. Personally, I prefer to lie around the house remotely. 1.3788 0.05539 132 93 28 11
879 I don’t know exactly when I transgendered into a dog, but I do remember suddenly meowing and then barking at the mailman. 1.3788 0.05643 132 94 26 12
880 I just don’t understand why sniffing my colleagues’ butts is considered poor office etiquette. 1.3787 0.04957 169 120 34 15
881 I swear! I actually like cats. 1.3786 0.05216 140 97 33 10
882 It’s not about catching the tail. It’s about loving the chase. 1.3778 0.05243 135 93 33 9
883 It’s like, no matter how many times I fetch her that stick she just doesn’t seem satisfied, you know 1.3778 0.06625 90 63 20 7
884 I get the feeling that you are silently judging me. 1.3776 0.05233 143 100 32 11
885 I have to learn how to say No! 1.3774 0.05912 106 73 26 7
886 I don’t even know anymore am I fetching for myself or everybody else? 1.3772 0.06154 114 82 21 11
887 What do you know about losing a best friend? 1.3769 0.05153 130 88 35 7
888 After they yelled at me for eating their homework it just doesn’t taste the same. 1.3769 0.05380 130 90 31 9
889 It’s just so hard being the sweetest one in the room all the time. 1.3767 0.05247 146 103 31 12
890 I buried my feelings and now I can’t find them 1.3767 0.05595 146 107 23 16
891 Yeah, he's staff, not master. 1.3766 0.04705 154 104 42 8
892 But what if my bliss is fetching sticks? 1.3762 0.06270 101 71 22 8
893 I still have anxiety about being allowed on the sofa. 1.3761 0.05527 117 80 30 7
894 I guess it all started when they told me I was a mutt. 1.3761 0.05253 117 78 34 5
895 I've lost my desire to fetch. 1.3760 0.05641 125 88 27 10
896 It's all my father's fault. He never taught me what to do if I caught the car. 1.3760 0.05641 125 88 27 10
897 It didn't make me feel ... anything! It was just ... a car. 1.3759 0.05185 141 98 33 10
898 She keeps saying, "Cats are from Venus; Dogs are from Mars" to explain our problems. 1.3750 0.05656 128 91 26 11
899 I just keep wondering if the "best friend" thing is mutual... 1.3750 0.05182 152 108 31 13
900 Actually, I'm fine. This is just the only place I'm allowed on the couch. 1.3750 0.05805 120 85 25 10
901 Why am I expected to know where all the bones are buried? 1.3750 0.05683 120 84 27 9
902 Sometimes I feel like you think you are better than me? 1.3750 0.05203 144 101 32 11
903 I lost all pleasure chasing cars. 1.3750 0.05013 144 99 36 9
904 This is a long list of pet peeves ! 1.3750 0.06099 112 80 22 10
905 And just as I'm about to chomp down on my tail, the dream ends. 1.3750 0.05417 136 96 29 11
906 In my dream, I'm being treated by a cat. 1.3750 0.05387 144 103 28 13
907 I’m sure you can relate, but all this pressure to be their best friend really is exhausting. 1.3741 0.05127 147 103 33 11
908 Come, Sit, Stay” Why can’t I be aloof like you 1.3741 0.05429 139 99 28 12
909 In the dream, I catch the car and it turns into a cat! 1.3741 0.05333 139 98 30 11
910 I've no desire to fetch things, but I still enjoy licking myself in public. 1.3740 0.05561 131 93 27 11
911 I go to ridiculous lengths to gain approval. 1.3740 0.05561 131 93 27 11
912 Sometimes I'm a good boy. Sometimes I'm a bad dog. 1.3740 0.05584 123 86 28 9
913 I can sit, and stay, but I never learned to heal. 1.3739 0.05587 115 79 29 7
914 Vice President sounds great, but I'd rather be a pack leader. 1.3739 0.05587 115 79 29 7
915 We've been having these sessions for months and I feel as if I'm just chasing my tail. 1.3733 0.05142 150 106 32 12
916 It feels like I'm just chasing my tail. 1.3733 0.04874 150 103 38 9
917 I push my intrusive thoughts off the table like you tell me to, but then I fetch them. 1.3731 0.05573 134 96 26 12
918 I have lost my desire to chase you. 1.3731 0.05262 134 93 32 9
919 This 'need to please' complex is so exhausting to deal with! 1.3730 0.05373 126 87 31 8
920 Where ever I go I see cats. 1.3730 0.05826 126 91 23 12
921 It's as though I was really a cat, but in a dog's body. 1.3730 0.05604 126 89 27 10
922 …they say it’s a dog’s life, but if you ask me, I’d rather have nine lives to fall back on 1.3729 0.05619 118 82 28 8
923 Even now, I feel like I don't DESERVE to be on this couch 1.3725 0.05236 153 110 29 14
924 Teach me to be independent. 1.3723 0.06590 94 67 19 8
925 I’m a good boy - I get it. But sometimes I just want to ignore the ball, you know? 1.3723 0.06233 94 65 23 6
926 They always say, 'who's a good boy??' but never 'how is the good boy?!'. 1.3723 0.05855 94 63 27 4
927 I got the seven-year itch after a year. Is that normal? 1.3721 0.05510 129 91 28 10
928 I am worried about how they would react if they realize that I don't know who this 'good boy' is that they keep asking me about. 1.3719 0.06113 121 89 19 13
929 I never get to do my business inside like the cat does. 1.3719 0.05645 121 85 27 9
930 It all started with tail chasing. 1.3719 0.05395 121 83 31 7
931 sometimes being a good boy is enough 1.3719 0.05395 121 83 31 7
932 And then he threw the ball AGAIN, so I had to — nevermind, you wouldn’t get it. 1.3719 0.05645 121 85 27 9
933 I know. It's a common story. But I was only 8 weeks old. 1.3717 0.06054 113 81 22 10
934 Try setting healthy boundaries, refuse to come when called 1.3717 0.06310 113 83 18 12
935 Hmmm, How did he get those cufflinks on with no thumbs? 1.3716 0.04915 148 102 37 9
936 Dreaming of chasing your therapist up a tree IS progress. 1.3712 0.05630 132 95 25 12
937 It’s a dog eat dog world out there. You’ll never understand 1.3712 0.05832 132 97 21 14
938 I tried acting aloof, like you suggested, but then she brought out the Frisbee. 1.3708 0.06468 89 62 21 6
939 My biggest fear? Dying and coming back as a cat. 1.3707 0.05812 116 82 25 9
940 You wouldn't understand Dr. Katz, but it's demeaning. Everyone I meet feels free to call me by my first name. 1.3707 0.06064 116 84 21 11
941 So you're saying I should be less affectionate, more solitary, and stop pleasing others?" 1.3706 0.05497 143 104 25 14
942 People don't get that I'm a vegetarian by choice. 1.3706 0.05315 143 102 29 12
943 Who's a good boy? That's what I'm here to find out. 1.3704 0.06113 108 77 22 9
944 About this need to be obedient... 1.3704 0.05970 108 76 24 8
945 And I ran all the way out there, but the ball was still in his hand! 1.3704 0.07338 81 59 14 8
946 Who cares what your master thinks! 1.3704 0.05538 135 97 26 12
947 In the nightmare, I look down and I'm not wearing pants 1.3700 0.06301 100 71 21 8
948 I want to be more independent—you know. 1.3700 0.06139 100 70 23 7
949 They always ask "Who's a good boy?" But never "How's the good boy?" 1.3700 0.05972 100 69 25 6
950 Unlike you, I die after just one life 1.3697 0.05581 119 83 28 8
951 I guess it started when my owner started making me wear his clothes. 1.3696 0.06128 92 63 24 5
952 I’d like to explore more about your relationship with your mother but I think it would be best if you refrained from referring to her by that term. 1.3696 0.05352 138 98 29 11
953 This is sort of nice. I've never allowed on the couch at home. 1.3696 0.05252 138 97 31 10
954 I don't know, maybe I'm just burned out from always having to be Man's Best Friend. Unlike you, I find I can't just ignore them — even when they're acting like idiots. 1.3696 0.06687 92 66 18 8
955 All day long it’s ‘fetch this and ‘fetch that.’ It’s degrading, you know? 1.3689 0.05359 122 84 31 7
956 It’s always ‘Who’s a good boy’ and never ‘How’s a good boy’. 1.3689 0.05958 122 89 21 12
957 I'll tell ya, my mother is a real bitch. 1.3688 0.05173 141 99 32 10
958 Tell me more about your fire hydrant obsession 1.3684 0.06702 95 69 17 9
959 How did it make me feel? Honestly? Like - when they said it? Hmm. I guess it made me feel like a good, silly boy. 1.3684 0.05387 133 94 29 10
960 I can't shake the feeling that I'm stuck in a ridiculous cartoon. 1.3684 0.06010 114 82 22 10
961 He said he threw the ball, but I’m beginning to think he never did 1.3684 0.06532 95 68 19 8
962 Well, yes. I do wish I could nap during our sessions. 1.3680 0.05148 125 85 34 6
963 My wife asked if I felt foolish paying for all that cat litter. 1.3680 0.05021 125 84 36 5
964 I feel like I'm chasing my own tail doc. 1.3680 0.05392 125 87 30 8
965 I liked it better when I could just bark at you through the window. 1.3679 0.05416 106 71 31 4
966 You sure don't pussyfoot around do you? 1.3678 0.06563 87 61 20 6
967 I try my best but I just can't seem to learn the new tricks. 1.3678 0.06764 87 62 18 7
968 The only couch I’m allowed on, and I pay $200 an hour for the privilege. 1.3676 0.05404 136 97 28 11
969 You know what that bitch said to me next? 1.3676 0.05302 136 96 30 10
970 Despite our sessions, I'll confess that I still have a strong urge to chase you. 1.3675 0.05897 117 84 23 10
971 "As you well know, wearing the pants in the family means I can't wag my tail." 1.3675 0.06021 117 85 21 11
972 And are these cats in the room with us right now? 1.3675 0.05509 117 81 29 7
973 Why do I always feel like such a bad dog? 1.3673 0.05116 147 104 32 11
974 I'm such a good dog, why don't they respect me? 1.3673 0.05116 147 104 32 11
975 fetch heel sit drop....it's all so demeaning 1.3672 0.05305 128 89 31 8
976 They all say I’m aloof. Can you relate? 1.3667 0.05415 120 83 30 7
977 I don't know, I'm just not feeling the chase anymore. . . 1.3664 0.05755 131 96 22 13
978 I can't shake this persistent paranoid fear that cats are slowly taking over all positions of authority. 1.3664 0.05332 131 92 30 9
979 I dunno, Doc. Lately I feel like all I'm doing is chasing my own tail. 1.3663 0.05399 101 67 31 3
980 It's the dream where I am craving tuna fish that bothers me the most! 1.3661 0.05672 112 78 27 7
981 Nobody ever says, 'dog got your tongue?' 1.3661 0.05528 112 77 29 6
982 Sometimes, I WANT to be chased. 1.3659 0.05569 123 87 27 9
983 I was raised in a cat house. 1.3659 0.06834 82 58 18 6
984 I’m not codependent. I’m a dog. 1.3659 0.06610 82 57 20 5
985 I expect everyone to be glad to see me when I get home. Is that too much to ask? 1.3657 0.05458 134 96 27 11
986 To tell the truth, I like cats. 1.3655 0.04973 145 101 35 9
987 Then she laughed and said 'Cat got your tongue?' 1.3655 0.05254 145 104 29 12
988 I'm mortified. It was not an unwrapped tootsie roll. 1.3654 0.06270 104 75 20 9
989 I’m really not sure just how much emotional support I’m expected to provide. 1.3654 0.06120 104 74 22 8
990 …and ever since that episode I’ve lost the urge to bark at any postmen, bicyclists or even cats. 1.3652 0.04991 115 80 30 5
991 I'd love to chase you up a tree. 1.3651 0.05920 126 93 20 13
992 I dreamt that I ate you. 1.3651 0.05589 126 90 26 10
993 Sometimes I feel like my tail is wagging me. 1.3651 0.05702 126 91 24 11
994 For some reason I'm obsessed with chasing psychiatrists. 1.3650 0.05063 137 95 34 8
995 My father said he was going to the store for a box of biscuits but never came back. 1.3650 0.04501 137 92 41 4
996 Part of me really wants to say 'meow'. 1.3644 0.05978 118 86 21 11
997 Why would I try to trip my owner? 1.3643 0.05385 129 91 29 9
998 Have you tried being more aloof? 1.3643 0.05712 129 94 23 12
999 I know I’m a bit of a pushover, but I’m sick of everyone just expecting me to “roll over.” 1.3643 0.05288 140 100 29 11
1000 I really just want to go back to feeling like a good boy. 1.3636 0.04946 154 109 34 11
1001 And so you want me to let the cat out of the bag? 1.3636 0.05407 132 94 28 10
1002 You'll never guess what happened next. He picked up the ball and threw it again! 1.3636 0.06892 88 64 16 8
1003 They say I'm fixed. 1.3636 0.06494 99 72 18 9
1004 Tell me what YOU think it means to be a "good boy." 1.3636 0.05512 132 95 26 11
1005 They tell me I am a ‘good boy’, but after neutering I don’t know who I am. 1.3636 0.05407 132 94 28 10
1006 I'm trying to treat my humans like staff, but I just love them too much! 1.3631 0.04795 157 110 37 10
1007 Are you sure you’re okay with me being up on the couch? 1.3630 0.05313 146 106 27 13
1008 So you’re saying that my desire to chase you is just transference? 1.3630 0.05321 135 96 29 10
1009 Why do I let cats control me? 1.3629 0.05035 124 84 35 5
1010 I was told we would be doing some digging together. 1.3629 0.05649 124 89 25 10
1011 I just want you to like me. 1.3628 0.05343 113 77 31 5
1012 And when did you start to notice your obsession with chasing tail? 1.3628 0.05905 113 81 23 9
1013 I'm such a people-pleaser. 1.3627 0.06198 102 73 21 8
1014 It all started when they made me wear the Cone of Shame... 1.3627 0.06198 102 73 21 8
1015 Compulsive loyalty obsesses me. 1.3623 0.05137 138 97 32 9
1016 She's always saying, "Who's a good boy?" but she never says it's me 1.3623 0.05628 138 102 22 14
1017 But as I get older I start to wonder… who IS a good boy? 1.3623 0.05239 138 98 30 10
1018 What if I don't want to be everybody's best friend? 1.3621 0.04958 116 77 36 3
1019 Everyone always notices what the cat dragged in, but what about what I do?! 1.3619 0.05918 105 74 24 7
1020 I feel as though you're toying with me. 1.3617 0.05160 141 100 31 10
1021 Im stuck in this rat race 1.3617 0.06739 94 69 16 9
1022 Doctor, I've been a bad, bad boy! 1.3614 0.06980 83 60 16 7
1023 I could have told you that Freudian analyzing a Jungian just won't work . 1.3613 0.05690 119 85 25 9
1024 My fetching just isn’t what it used to be. 1.3613 0.04657 155 107 40 8
1025 She fell in love with a cat. 1.3611 0.05652 108 75 27 6
1026 Is it too much to ask that the world throw me a bone every now and again? 1.3611 0.05271 144 104 28 12
1027 My mother? She was such a bitch. 1.3611 0.05497 108 74 29 5
1028 You mean he’s not my best friend? 1.3608 0.06419 97 70 19 8
1029 And are these ‘squirrels’ in the room with us now? 1.3607 0.05943 122 90 20 12
1030 I feel like my owner fetishizes that I’m a rescue. 1.3605 0.05709 86 57 27 2
1031 I'm in the doghouse again and I don't see how you could possibly relate. 1.3603 0.04859 136 93 37 6
1032 But, Doc, the ‘wow’ ‘s gone from my ‘bow.’ 1.3603 0.05589 136 100 23 13
1033 I hate to admit this, but I like eating your poop. 1.3600 0.05495 125 89 27 9
1034 Tell someone who cares. 1.3600 0.06280 100 72 20 8
1035 Is a fire hydrant sometimes just a fire hydrant? 1.3600 0.06280 100 72 20 8
1036 Fluffy recommended you. 1.3596 0.05157 114 77 33 4
1037 I see cats everywhere! 1.3594 0.05516 128 92 26 10
1038 I'm here because I'm not allowed on the couches at home. 1.3594 0.05404 128 91 28 9
1039 I am having great difficulties coping with the extinction of humans" 1.3594 0.05171 128 89 32 7
1040 Sorry I said there's more than one way to Skinner a cat. Freudian slip. 1.3592 0.06450 103 76 17 10
1041 I am sure you hear this all the time, but my mother really was a bitch. 1.3592 0.05505 142 105 23 14
1042 And when did you discover this attraction for fire hydrants? 1.3590 0.05753 117 84 24 9
1043 It’s all about trust. When was the last time you saw a cat on a leash? 1.3590 0.05624 117 83 26 8
1044 I see cats everywhere I go. 1.3588 0.05205 131 92 31 8
1045 I didn't think you'd understand. 1.3587 0.06101 92 64 23 5
1046 I just wish they’d go back to the office… 1.3583 0.06126 120 90 17 13
1047 So... What you're telling me is... All this time... I've actually been a bad boy? 1.3582 0.05443 134 97 26 11
1048 Why are we the ones that always have to be walked? 1.3582 0.04901 134 95 32 7
1049 Are you writing or licking? 1.3581 0.05252 148 108 27 13
1050 I’m over dog food. I want to go to nice restaurants. 1.3580 0.07095 81 59 15 7
1051 I'm sorry, our hour is up. You shouldn't have circled around the couch for so long before laying down. 1.3579 0.06679 95 70 16 9
1052 How would you know if I’m barking up the wrong tree? 1.3578 0.05456 109 75 29 5
1053 I can't believe I'm telling my problems to a cat. 1.3578 0.06186 109 80 19 10
1054 I can't even sniff someone's butt anymore without worrying it might be misconstrued. 1.3571 0.05793 112 80 24 8
1055 So tell me, why do you lick yourself?” 1.3571 0.05371 140 102 26 12
1056 I don't know if you can understand what it is to be black. 1.3571 0.05906 126 94 19 13
1057 Why do I care so much? 1.3571 0.06699 84 60 18 6
1058 You were right about my mother... but I still can't bring myself to say it. 1.3571 0.06910 84 61 16 7
1059 My problems? All due to my mother. She was a bitch! 1.3571 0.05459 126 90 27 9
1060 I get the feeling you aren't listening to me. 1.3571 0.06195 112 83 18 11
1061 You say you love your mother, but you still call her a bitch 1.3566 0.05472 143 106 23 14
1062 I'm still waiting for my day. 1.3566 0.05590 129 94 24 11
1063 Sometimes I don't even know whose tail I'm even chasing. 1.3566 0.05255 129 91 30 8
1064 Are we still rivals? 1.3566 0.05255 129 91 30 8
1065 And here’s another pet peeve you can relate to… 1.3565 0.05686 115 82 25 8
1066 Wait, so you’re saying I SHOULD bury it? 1.3565 0.05411 115 80 29 6
1067 You whine a lot. 1.3564 0.06227 101 73 20 8
1068 It all started when I won Best in Show... 1.3564 0.05374 101 68 30 3
1069 I'm telling you doc, I just feel like I'm never gonna catch my tail. 1.3564 0.06384 101 74 18 9
1070 They always ask me who the good boy is, but never how the good boy is! :( 1.3562 0.05026 146 104 32 10
1071 Let me get this correct, you’ve lost the will to “fetch”? 1.3561 0.05704 132 98 21 13
1072 I tried your suggestion of an occasional cat nap -- it didn't help. 1.3561 0.05283 132 94 29 9
1073 I am a mixed-up breed. 1.3561 0.05392 132 95 27 10
1074 So are you still having dreams where your tail is chasing you?" 1.3561 0.05392 132 95 27 10
1075 Of course I’m depressed, it’s not like I’ve got nine lives. 1.3559 0.05584 118 84 26 8
1076 You're not even listening to me, are you? You're looking at that spider on the wall! 1.3558 0.06249 104 76 19 9
1077 ”Doc, why does it sound like a motor is running when I tell you my dreams? 1.3557 0.04863 149 105 35 9
1078 So I said to him, ‘Why CAN’T I learn new tricks?’ 1.3556 0.05511 135 99 24 12
1079 ...and that's when I realized I couldn't stay. 1.3556 0.06574 90 65 18 7
1080 Ever since I started transitioning, I’m torn between a fire hydrant and a litter box. 1.3556 0.06574 90 65 18 7
1081 I've gotta lay off the hallucinogenics, you're the cat therapist again. 1.3554 0.05487 121 86 27 8
1082 She left me because she said my bark was worse than my bite. 1.3551 0.05827 107 76 24 7
1083 That’s why I came to you- so you can help me learn to not care what they think. 1.3548 0.05748 124 91 22 11
1084 Not to be catty, but my mother was a bitch. 1.3548 0.05075 155 113 29 13
1085 How come no one makes you chase a stick? 1.3545 0.05860 110 79 23 8
1086 She came back from work again and asked me who the good boy is. 1.3545 0.05260 110 75 31 4
1087 Why is it that all of my best friends are humans? 1.3545 0.05716 110 78 25 7
1088 I dreamt that I was a stud dog. 1.3545 0.05860 110 79 23 8
1089 They rejected me as a Dogs Playing Poker model. 1.3545 0.06138 110 81 19 10
1090 Let me chew on that for awhile. 1.3543 0.05306 127 90 29 8
1091 What’s most distressing is that I don’t want to tear you apart. 1.3543 0.05423 127 91 27 9
1092 Life - and particularly my wife - is a bitch. 1.3543 0.05306 127 90 29 8
1093 So I said, Can’t I be a best friend and still have a life? 1.3540 0.05886 113 82 22 9
1094 Why don’t they say DOGS and CATS? 1.3540 0.05611 113 80 26 7
1095 It is all because my mother is a bitch. 1.3540 0.05750 113 81 24 8
1096 How does that make me feel? Usually hungry 1.3538 0.05660 130 96 22 12
1097 It's a dog eat dog world out there. 1.3535 0.06144 99 71 21 7
1098 Do you ever feel you’re just chasing your tail? 1.3535 0.05799 99 69 25 5
1099 Who’s a good boy? they say. “I dunno, who? I say 1.3535 0.06628 99 74 15 10
1100 Every night it's the same dream. It's my mother, and she's saying, 'I guess I'm just more of a cat person.' 1.3535 0.05974 99 70 23 6
1101 And then, unlike other puppies, I felt a deep desire to play with balls of yarn. 1.3534 0.05645 116 83 25 8
1102 The ball under the sofa is a huge concern! 1.3534 0.05776 116 84 23 9
1103 What would you know about the dog days of summer. 1.3529 0.05282 119 83 30 6
1104 I think the only reason I keep coming back is because this is the only place I'm allowed on the couch 1.3529 0.06633 85 61 18 6
1105 Yes, I do remember PUSSY GALORE! 1.3529 0.05415 119 84 28 7
1106 Should I be concerned that I don't want to kill you? 1.3529 0.05853 102 72 24 6
1107 I ‘m always too eager to please people all the time. That’s why my last therapist recommended I come to you. He said you could help me see things from a different perspective.” 1.3529 0.05063 136 96 32 8
1108 I'm not sure meow mix is going to fix the problem, doctor. 1.3525 0.05092 139 99 31 9
1109 ‘Pussy whipped’ is no longer an acceptable diagnosis. 1.3524 0.06049 105 76 21 8
1110 We have just begun to scratch the surface." 1.3524 0.06199 105 77 19 9
1111 Curiosity killed the cat… 1.3523 0.06865 88 65 15 8
1112 I know I shouldn’t care, but how can I know for sure if I’m really a “good boy”? 1.3520 0.05478 125 90 26 9
1113 I thought you were Jewish, Dr. Cats. 1.3520 0.05709 125 92 22 11
1114 He made me sit while he barked questions at me. 1.3519 0.05929 108 78 22 8
1115 You just don't get it. I am a dog person. 1.3517 0.05041 145 104 31 10
1116 I can’t climb a tree. 1.3516 0.06323 91 65 20 6
1117 Some days I just don't feel like I want to do my business. 1.3514 0.05955 111 81 21 9
1118 I'm not a good boy, and I keep learning new tricks.What do you think is wrong with me? 1.3514 0.05412 148 111 22 15
1119 I won the Ugly Dog contest. 1.3514 0.05377 111 77 29 5
1120 I dunno doc. Sometimes I wish they'd ask "how's the good boy". 1.3511 0.05410 131 95 26 10
1121 So I know I’m a dog but I really identify as feline. 1.3511 0.05301 131 94 28 9
1122 I was the runt of the litter... 1.3511 0.06715 94 70 15 9
1123 I' m in love with a cat! 1.3509 0.05973 114 84 20 10
1124 I hear you, but people pleaser is sort of my jam. 1.3507 0.05324 134 97 27 10
1125 I'm sure you won't understand, but I have this horrible will to please ... 1.3505 0.06561 97 72 16 9
1126 I can't agree that all my problems arose from my mother being a bitch. 1.3505 0.06225 97 70 20 7
1127 Then why can't I hear the whistle? 1.3505 0.06395 97 71 18 8
1128 Work is always: 'Fetch this!' and 'Fetch that!' Just throw me a bone. 1.3504 0.05051 117 80 33 4
1129 What's there to tell? My mother was a bitch and I never knew my father. 1.3504 0.05735 117 85 23 9
1130 In the dream, the tail is chasing me." 1.3500 0.05632 120 87 24 9
1131 It's extraordinarily difficult for me to talk about my inner felines. 1.3500 0.04708 160 114 36 10
1132 I don't know what it is, but I feel like I'm chasing something that I'll never catch. 1.3496 0.05535 123 89 25 9
1133 Sometimes I feel like the tail I'm chasing is my own. 1.3496 0.05030 123 85 33 5
1134 Have you considered an emotional support human? 1.3496 0.05770 123 91 21 11
1135 Doc, I'll be honest. Sometimes it feels like we're speaking two different languages. 1.3495 0.05640 103 72 26 5
1136 You don’t understand if you’re not a “Doodle” you’re nothing! 1.3495 0.05640 103 72 26 5
1137 Of course I’m anxious - I’m not supposed to be on the couch! 1.3494 0.06513 83 59 19 5
1138 I am having fantasies of you chasing me. 1.3493 0.05012 146 105 31 10
1139 The Transitioning has been going fairly well, but I am having a bit of trouble with the "Mee-oow" part 1.3492 0.05323 126 90 28 8
1140 People don’t expect cats to be good. 1.3492 0.05557 126 92 24 10
1141 Well, the vet said I needed a cat-scan. 1.3491 0.06149 106 78 19 9
1142 I just can't shake the feeling that I've been a bad, bad boy. 1.3491 0.05694 106 75 25 6
1143 Most days it feels like I’m chained to my desk. 1.3491 0.05694 106 75 25 6
1144 I think we’ve had enough sessions now, that we can take off the cat and dog heads. 1.3486 0.05884 109 79 22 8
1145 She called me a rare breed. But we both know that’s not true. 1.3486 0.05587 109 77 26 6
1146 I'm tired of barking up the wrong trees. 1.3486 0.05433 109 76 28 5
1147 Now you're just being catty. 1.3485 0.05376 132 96 26 10
1148 It's my mother, she is such a bitch! 1.3482 0.05772 112 81 23 8
1149 So after I read "Portrait of a Dog as a Young Man", and got involved with Eastern religions and realized thoughts are things, there was no going back. 1.3482 0.05631 112 80 25 7
1150 My mother may have been a bitch, but your father was a ... 1.3482 0.05338 112 78 29 5
1151 Doc, I've been having this dream that a cat is my therapist. 1.3482 0.05338 112 78 29 5
1152 I tried the knocking-things-over therapy you suggested, but it just made me feel like a bad boy. 1.3478 0.05799 115 84 22 9
1153 I've always identified as feline. 1.3478 0.05505 138 103 22 13
1154 He only praises me when I eat his homework. 1.3478 0.06056 115 86 18 11
1155 She said I was too needy. 1.3478 0.05872 92 64 24 4
1156 It was raining, you’ll pardon the expression, dogs and cats. 1.3478 0.05247 115 80 30 5
1157 What if being a good boy is as far as I can go in life. Can you relate? 1.3478 0.05390 115 81 28 6
1158 Doc, I’m not crazy! The vacuum cleaner is working with the mailman to overthrow the government! And the only way to stop it is to constantly bark at them until they go away! 1.3475 0.05419 141 105 23 13
1159 You say I have to be cured of my pathetic need to be loved ... It's not going to involve surgery this time, is it? 1.3475 0.05819 118 87 21 10
1160 I keep wanting to buy a pet human. 1.3475 0.05298 118 83 29 6
1161 When did people pleasing become a syndrome? 1.3475 0.05433 118 84 27 7
1162 But do I get more time if we count the minutes in dog years? 1.3475 0.05565 118 85 25 8
1163 To be honest, I had something else in mind when they said we were getting a therapy cat. 1.3475 0.05565 118 85 25 8
1164 So you’re saying - the good boy is in myself? 1.3474 0.05751 95 66 25 4
1165 and then she had the audacity to call me a pussy 1.3471 0.05593 121 88 24 9
1166 I never got over being the runt of the litter. 1.3471 0.05469 121 87 26 8
1167 I don't wanna wear these fucking pants 1.3469 0.05998 98 70 22 6
1168 He throws the ball and I look over, but it's not there. 1.3469 0.06171 98 71 20 7
1169 I know you only treat cats. But I identify as cat. 1.3468 0.05497 124 90 25 9
1170 What if you focused less on being a “good boy” and more on being a decent husband 1.3468 0.05377 124 89 27 8
1171 I had a ruff week. 1.3465 0.05705 101 71 25 5
1172 I chase the sticks, but it’s the ball of yarn I yearn for 1.3465 0.05405 127 92 26 9
1173 Some days I think I went into this just so she would call me a good boy. 1.3462 0.06536 78 55 19 4
1174 How do I tell them I’m not their best friend? 1.3462 0.05920 104 75 22 7
1175 Is fear of water your answer for everything? 1.3462 0.05920 104 75 22 7
1176 I dreamt a man bit me, and it was all over the news. 1.3462 0.05920 104 75 22 7
1177 My paranoia is getting worse – I'm thinking I even bore you. 1.3462 0.05595 104 73 26 5
1178 So you really want to be a cat? 1.3459 0.05124 133 95 30 8
1179 I feel like it's been ages since I learnt any new tricks. 1.3458 0.05954 107 78 21 8
1180 This is karma I guess. 1.3458 0.05650 107 76 25 6
1181 I've been dreaming of balls again... 1.3458 0.05650 107 76 25 6
1182 In my dream, the rain... is like us 1.3458 0.05804 107 77 23 7
1183 Why do you think bringing the ball back makes you his best friend? 1.3458 0.05804 107 77 23 7
1184 Even at the higher dose the catnip does nothing for me. 1.3458 0.05492 107 75 27 5
1185 Is this still legal in the red states? 1.3457 0.07062 81 60 14 7
1186 Fetch this. Fetch that. I just don't feel like it's going anywhere. 1.3455 0.05546 110 78 26 6
1187 I think the monsters in my dreams symbolize vacuum cleaners. 1.3455 0.05546 110 78 26 6
1188 Do you think my problem is that I am being too dogged? 1.3451 0.05446 113 80 27 6
1189 There are times I feel you don’t understand a thing I say 1.3451 0.05589 113 81 25 7
1190 Lately I’ve been feeling like I’m just running around in circles. 1.3448 0.05210 116 81 30 5
1191 Once again Mr. Fido, when did you first start thinking of your mother as a bitch? 1.3448 0.05757 116 85 22 9
1192 No offense, but it's all I can to do to keep from chasing you out of your own office. 1.3445 0.05124 119 83 31 5
1193 And I have to pee outside. It isn't fair. 1.3444 0.06153 90 64 21 5
1194 I know that you probably can't relate to my attraction to fire plugs, but.... 1.3444 0.05946 90 63 23 4
1195 Is it ethically appropriate for us to continue these sessions given that I’ve, well… eaten out of your litter box? 1.3443 0.05793 122 91 20 11
1196 I’m worried that you won’t help me overcome my fear of cats”. 1.3441 0.05616 93 64 26 3
1197 It’s time to come out of the kennel. I like to play with string. 1.3440 0.05577 125 92 23 10
1198 She always asks who's the good boy, but never how's the good boy. 1.3438 0.05702 96 67 25 4
1199 The hounds of spring are now on winter's traces. 1.3438 0.06594 96 72 15 9
1200 Sounds like you’ve been chasing your own tail, Rex. 1.3438 0.05014 128 90 32 6
1201 Sometimes I feel that you don't really understand me 1.3434 0.05772 99 70 24 5
1202 I dream about chasing cats 1.3434 0.06119 99 72 20 7
1203 Why should you get nine lives when I only get one? 1.3434 0.05772 99 70 24 5
1204 Strangely enough, I'm a therapy dog who needs therapy. 1.3431 0.05659 102 72 25 5
1205 I just want people to like me. 1.3431 0.05992 102 74 21 7
1206 it's just not a dogs world anymore... 1.3429 0.05552 105 74 26 5
1207 As Felix listened to yet another patient ramble, he began to ponder how his life might have been different had he just remained an indoor cat. 1.3426 0.06052 108 80 19 9
1208 I mean, does it have to be a dog eat dog world? 1.3426 0.05759 108 78 23 7
1209 I’m tired of jumping through hoops. 1.3423 0.05651 111 80 24 7
1210 I guess it finally hit me I've never been a good boy to myself. 1.3423 0.05108 149 110 27 12
1211 They told me I needed to start working like a dog. 1.3421 0.04957 114 78 33 3
1212 I really miss licking myself. 1.3421 0.05687 114 83 23 8
1213 Do any of your patients actually catch lasers ? 1.3421 0.05407 114 81 27 6
1214 I want to be independent but every time he gives me a treat I cave and follow him around like a puppy. 1.3419 0.04881 155 113 31 11
1215 You don't understand. My mother really was a bitch. 1.3417 0.05736 120 89 21 10
1216 If we want to emulate humans, must we include their hang ups? 1.3415 0.05516 123 90 24 9
1217 It was a nightmare. Can you imagine if cats & dogs fought in real life? 1.3415 0.05141 123 87 30 6
1218 My boss is a squirrel and he makes me crazy.' 1.3415 0.05141 123 87 30 6
1219 Before we get started I'm going to have to ask you to get off the couch... 1.3412 0.06809 85 63 15 7
1220 I sleep all night, most of the day and when my owner gets home, I’m told to go lie down. 1.3412 0.06385 85 61 19 5
1221 I mean, loyalty counts for something, right? 1.3412 0.06161 85 60 21 4
1222 Is it because I don't poop in a box? 1.3411 0.05335 129 94 26 9
1223 Why are dogs always so needy? 1.3409 0.06442 88 64 18 6
1224 She thinks I just lay around and sleep all day while she's gone. 1.3409 0.06442 88 64 18 6
1225 The hissing isn't helping my self confidence. 1.3409 0.06442 88 64 18 6
1226 I've never gotten into the dog eat dog life. 1.3409 0.06023 88 62 22 4
1227 My father chased cats too. 1.3407 0.05274 135 99 26 10
1228 You would not believe the pressure I'm under to be a good boy. 1.3407 0.05893 91 64 23 4
1229 I knew you would listen to me because cats are so curious 1.3407 0.06294 91 66 19 6
1230 I just can’t help feeling that whatever I say is going to somehow be used against me. 1.3404 0.06688 94 71 14 9
1231 Just tell me I can land on my feet after all this 1.3404 0.06154 94 68 20 6
1232 It began when they named me Rover...I felt lost ever since. 1.3403 0.04743 144 102 35 7
1233 I know you said I should face my fears but vacuum sales is just not working out. 1.3400 0.05898 100 72 22 6
1234 It's so humiliating, but I love to play with string! 1.3400 0.05545 100 70 26 4
1235 I no longer have the urge to chase cats. 1.3400 0.05360 100 69 28 3
1236 Is it possible that you have a conflict of interest? 1.3400 0.04990 150 110 29 11
1237 Ok, word association isn't really going to be a useful therapy tool if all you can think of is 'bone'. 1.3398 0.05264 103 71 29 3
1238 Sit. Lie down. Speak. 1.3398 0.05614 103 73 25 5
1239 You should make yourself happy, not others happy. 1.3396 0.06271 106 80 16 10
1240 So, running across an 8 lane highway will build my self confidence? 1.3396 0.05978 106 78 20 8
1241 I've been a depressed boy. 1.3396 0.05978 106 78 20 8
1242 It’s always “let’s go for a W-A-L-K” and never “let’s have a T-A-L-K.” 1.3396 0.05669 106 76 24 6
1243 A Dog Day Afternoon 1.3396 0.06271 106 80 16 10
1244 I know I’m a good boy but what if that’s just not enough? 1.3394 0.05409 109 77 27 5
1245 I think I'm turning into a bit of a dog person 1.3394 0.05714 109 79 23 7
1246 Could you please stop referring to my mother as “the bitch”? 1.3393 0.05750 112 82 22 8
1247 I just haven’t been myself since the hairballs started. 1.3393 0.05609 112 81 24 7
1248 My wife and I are fighting like cats and dogs. 1.3391 0.05909 115 86 19 10
1249 But what does it mean to REALLY be a ‘good boy’? 1.3391 0.05645 115 84 23 8
1250 My mother? She was a real bitch. 1.3388 0.05574 121 89 23 9
1251 I know I could have used a litter box if they would have just let me try it. 1.3388 0.05321 121 87 27 7
1252 Sometimes I think you are just toying with me. 1.3386 0.04901 127 89 33 5
1253 And then…. Hey! Are you even listening to me? 1.3386 0.05387 127 93 25 9
1254 It’s kind of weird that we have human bodies. I guess it’s because if you drew a normal dog lying on its back you’d have to draw the dog’s dick. 1.3377 0.07066 77 57 14 6
1255 I used to find her attractive. Now I just want to chase my own tail. 1.3377 0.06299 77 54 20 3
1256 I know you probably think I'm just whining... 1.3376 0.04995 157 117 27 13
1257 Why don't I want to chase you anymore? 1.3375 0.06643 80 58 17 5
1258 I never had my day, and that really bugs me. 1.3375 0.07103 80 60 13 7
1259 I just can’t ignore humans when they call my name like you’d suggested. 1.3372 0.06535 86 63 17 6
1260 Nobody really understands me except Pete Best. I was the original drummer for Three Dog Night. 1.3372 0.06535 86 63 17 6
1261 I know I am man's best friend but is man mine? 1.3371 0.06381 89 65 18 6
1262 I TRY to be a Good Boy! But really, what's the point? 1.3368 0.06627 95 72 14 9
1263 If I'm their best friend, why do I have to sit up and beg? 1.3368 0.05913 95 68 22 5
1264 I know it's foolish but I can't help be feel guilty about about spraying every fire hydrant. 1.3368 0.06280 95 70 18 7
1265 It started when my mother named me "Stay." 1.3367 0.06313 98 73 17 8
1266 So I said "Hey, some of my best friends are cats." 1.3367 0.05971 98 71 21 6
1267 Tell me how this insatiable desire to please came about. 1.3367 0.05607 98 69 25 4
1268 I was alone all day, and it was horrible! You know what I mean? 1.3367 0.05607 98 69 25 4
1269 My owner won't go back to his office! 1.3366 0.06016 101 74 20 7
1270 She was a you-know-what, my mother. 1.3366 0.05849 101 73 22 6
1271 I feel like everyone's so aloof — even you. 1.3365 0.06051 104 77 19 8
1272 Who says a dog can't be aloof? 1.3365 0.05734 104 75 23 6
1273 You know Waldo, we must discuss the car chasing eventually. 1.3365 0.05895 104 76 21 7
1274 And these ‘cats’… are they with us in the room right now? 1.3365 0.06051 104 77 19 8
1275 Am I too needy? 1.3364 0.05133 107 74 30 3
1276 Have you ever considered the possibility that you’ve been chasing after the wrong things? 1.3364 0.05625 107 77 24 6
1277 You got my tongue doc. 1.3364 0.05522 110 79 25 6
1278 This is the first piece of furniture I've been on in years. 1.3364 0.05211 110 77 29 4
1279 Doc, I just can't seem to learn any new tricks. 1.3364 0.05671 110 80 23 7
1280 So, aside from your feelings of guilt about being on the couch, is there anything else you'd like to talk about? 1.3364 0.05816 110 81 21 8
1281 I keep dreaming I’m on a hot tin roof. 1.3364 0.06096 110 83 17 10
1282 In a dog-eat-dog world I don't understand how cats fit in. 1.3363 0.05567 113 82 24 7
1283 They treat me like a dog, but I just can't stop loving them! 1.3363 0.05844 113 84 20 9
1284 Look, I don't expect you to get this, but every time he calls my name, I run to his side. 1.3363 0.05844 113 84 20 9
1285 These dog days are getting me down. You, doctor couldn’t possibly understand! 1.3363 0.05567 113 82 24 7
1286 It was a terrible dream. A wolf was following me in sheep’s clothing. 1.3362 0.04889 116 80 33 3
1287 Sometimes I just feel like I’m barking up the wrong tree. 1.3361 0.05021 122 86 31 5
1288 But my inner validation is being a good boy. 1.3359 0.04675 131 91 36 4
1289 Sometimes I think you don't care. 1.3359 0.04920 131 93 32 6
1290 I mean, you must chase cars too, right doc? 1.3359 0.05266 131 96 26 9
1291 It stresses me out that you get to sit but I have to lie down. 1.3359 0.05153 131 95 28 8
1292 I just wonder sometimes if any of us are "good boys." 1.3333 0.06224 96 71 18 7
1293 In my dream it was raining like…well, you know. 1.3333 0.06299 105 80 15 10
1294 It’s easy for you to say…I have to live a dog’s life, you at least get nine to work out your issues. 1.3333 0.05966 102 75 20 7
1295 My wife is part pit bull. If she finds out we’re both dead. 1.3333 0.05694 117 87 21 9
1296 Yeah, but to you being cool comes naturally. 1.3333 0.05475 96 67 26 3
1297 The weirdest part wasn't burying bones or chasing after cars, it was when I killed you like eight times and you wouldn't die. 1.3333 0.06632 84 62 16 6
1298 Nobody told me you're famous. Nice boots! 1.3333 0.05688 105 76 23 6
1299 You know Dr., I’m really not sensing much empathy here. 1.3333 0.05581 108 78 24 6
1300 So why aren't you saying something? Cat got your tongue? 1.3333 0.05383 114 82 26 6
1301 Am I too old to be a good boy? 1.3333 0.06179 93 68 19 6
1302 Am I a good boy though, Doc? Am I? 1.3333 0.05822 117 88 19 10
1303 I try to be good, but then there was the incident at Take Your Dog to Work day. 1.3333 0.06120 90 65 20 5
1304 I still don’t understand my addiction to kitty porn… 1.3333 0.05120 132 99 25 8
1305 Please help me Doc, I can’t stop killing cats! 1.3333 0.06258 99 74 17 8
1306 My mother? She was a bitch. 1.3333 0.06002 105 78 19 8
1307 I'm sorry...was that sarcasm? 1.3333 0.05883 108 80 20 8
1308 When we're done, what'ya say I chase you up a tree. 1.3333 0.05819 87 61 23 3
1309 And how did you feel when he buried your bone? 1.3333 0.06515 90 67 16 7
1310 I don't know if this is transference, but I want to jump off this couch and chase you around the room. 1.3333 0.05336 120 87 26 7
1311 And if you ever managed to catch one,what then? 1.3333 0.05688 105 76 23 6
1312 I’m a people person at heart. Surely you can relate? 1.3333 0.05801 102 74 22 6
1313 i’m starting to feel and act independent and aloof! 1.3333 0.07027 81 61 13 7
1314 But, I am a good boy. Yes, I am. Yes, I am. 1.3333 0.06029 108 81 18 9
1315 No I don’t generally have trust issues. 1.3333 0.05328 111 79 27 5
1316 I have but one life to live. 1.3333 0.05801 102 74 22 6
1317 So,a friend of a friend said I should ask you about getting one of those Emotional Support Human letters. You know, for traveling… 1.3333 0.05480 111 80 25 6
1318 My owner said I need to be cat friendly. What does that even mean? 1.3333 0.05429 117 85 25 7
1319 You can still be a good boy and think your mother was a bitch. 1.3333 0.05688 105 76 23 6
1320 I'm not like you. They make me use the bathroom outside and it's just so demeaning. 1.3333 0.05800 114 85 20 9
1321 She says I lack commitment because I don't want puppies. 1.3333 0.05987 93 67 21 5
1322 But why can't I be my own best friend? 1.3333 0.07132 72 53 14 5
1323 I'm thinking of changing my pronoun from "it". 1.3333 0.05593 120 89 22 9
1324 It’s called “The Good Boy Complex” 1.3333 0.05788 93 66 23 4
1325 I am tired of all the people-pleasing and playing the clown in this dysfunctional family. 1.3333 0.06421 99 75 15 9
1326 Maybe they just don't want that ball, try bringing them a dead bird next time and let's see how it goes. 1.3333 0.05801 102 74 22 6
1327 I can tell you’re not listening to me. I can hear you purring. 1.3333 0.05631 102 73 24 5
1328 Have _you_ ever gotten caught humping the neighbor’s leg under the table? 1.3333 0.05201 129 94 27 8
1329 It's always sit, stay, fetch. You know, the general stress of being a companion animal. 1.3309 0.05328 136 102 23 11
1330 I'm tired of sniffing people's crotches... 1.3308 0.04859 133 95 32 6
1331 Have you tried incessant insubordination and a lack of the most basic understanding of affection? We’ve seen terrific results. 1.3308 0.05198 133 98 26 9
1332 Transitioning from dog to cat is a serious step. How long have you felt like you are really a cat in a dog’s body? 1.3306 0.05337 124 91 25 8
1333 But how do I be my own best friend? 1.3306 0.05428 121 89 24 8
1334 I’m sorry, I guess the cat has my tongue. 1.3304 0.05289 112 80 27 5
1335 I just have a feeling that you don't have my best interests at heart... 1.3304 0.06001 112 85 17 10
1336 He gets this ukulele and sings, "My Dog Has Fleas". I'm disgusting! 1.3303 0.05383 109 78 26 5
1337 The thrill of the chase, its Gone ! 1.3302 0.05800 106 78 21 7
1338 It all starts with my mother. Not to be catty, but she's a bitch. 1.3302 0.05643 106 77 23 6
1339 I think I have feline tendencies. 1.3302 0.05643 106 77 23 6
1340 And then I heard her telling him that he's a good boy. Do you think she's cheating on me? 1.3302 0.05482 106 76 25 5
1341 Lately I don’t feel like a particularly good boy.” 1.3301 0.05586 103 74 24 5
1342 I feel like a pussy. 1.3301 0.05917 103 76 20 7
1343 So…. It appears the cat’s got your tongue today 1.3301 0.05753 103 75 22 6
1344 All she wants to do is have me fetch this and fetch that. 1.3300 0.05695 100 72 23 5
1345 My owner doesn’t understand me. 1.3300 0.05515 100 71 25 4
1346 I don’t know what I’m chasing anymore. 1.3300 0.06204 100 75 17 8
1347 Are you sure I'm allowed to be on the couch? 1.3299 0.05429 97 68 26 3
1348 Now when I go on my neighbor’s lawn, they arrest me. 1.3299 0.06508 97 74 14 9
1349 I even brought them a dead mouse like you suggested, but I still don't know who's a good boy! 1.3299 0.05993 97 71 20 6
1350 Just once I wish someone would say to me, “Here Doggy Doggy”. 1.3299 0.06169 97 72 18 7
1351 You’re treating me like a mouse! 1.3299 0.05993 97 71 20 6
1352 You think I'm barking up the wrong tree? 1.3299 0.05623 97 69 24 4
1353 I'm too tied down to my work. Sometimes I feel like just knocking things off the desk, walking across the keyboard, and showing my butt to everyone watching. Do you know the feeling? 1.3298 0.06123 94 69 19 6
1354 I dreamed that I chased you and you climbed a tree. When I woke up, my depression and anxiety had gone away. Weird, huh. 1.3298 0.05534 94 66 25 3
1355 He promised we would toss the ball, but something always came up. 1.3298 0.06307 94 70 17 7
1356 Worshipped by ancient Egyptians? Seriously? Get real and run after a stick. 1.3298 0.06123 94 69 19 6
1357 Catnip for you, a bone for me. Is that all there is? 1.3298 0.06307 94 70 17 7
1358 I find using a litter box to be very cathartic. 1.3297 0.06261 91 67 18 6
1359 I don’t think this animal assisted therapy is quite working out. 1.3297 0.06454 91 68 16 7
1360 I find your turtleneck accusatory. 1.3297 0.06454 91 68 16 7
1361 In my dream, the ball I chase turns out to be made of yarn. 1.3295 0.06409 88 65 17 6
1362 You may have nine but I only have one - and I'm tired of spending it on a leash! 1.3295 0.06201 88 64 19 5
1363 Is there something wrong with me Doc? I'm attracted to Cats not dogs. 1.3294 0.06565 85 63 16 6
1364 It's dog-eat-dog out there. 1.3293 0.06733 82 61 15 6
1365 Turns out, on the Internet, everyone knew I was a dog 1.3291 0.06912 79 59 14 6
1366 So tell me, how long have you had these delusional thoughts that dogs were smarter than cats? 1.3284 0.05165 134 99 26 9
1367 How can you possibly understand how hard it is to control your emotions when everyone wants to pet you? 1.3282 0.04778 131 93 33 5
1368 You always make me chase after you,just like my mother used to. 1.3277 0.05352 119 87 25 7
1369 I know I’m supposed to be his support animal but at some point you have to take responsibility for your own emotions. I’m starting to become resentful. 1.3277 0.05612 119 89 21 9
1370 So the catnip isn’t working? 1.3274 0.05250 113 81 27 5
1371 Tell me more about this Rat Race. 1.3274 0.05684 113 84 21 8
1372 You’ll never understand ….He went for a walk and didn’t come back for 15 minutes !! 1.3274 0.05821 113 85 19 9
1373 Woof, woof. Am I right? 1.3274 0.05097 113 80 29 4
1374 I just don’t feel you understand my issues 1.3273 0.05792 110 82 20 8
1375 Accounting is a dog-eat-dog world. 1.3273 0.05342 110 79 26 5
1376 repeat after me: one must first be willing to let go of loyalty to gain total domination 1.3273 0.05934 110 83 18 9
1377 My father collected sticks but I never saw myself that way 1.3273 0.05342 110 79 26 5
1378 You're not going to like this dream, either. 1.3271 0.05274 107 76 27 4
1379 Sure, I have a desire to please, but no one ever called me stupid for it before. 1.3269 0.05541 104 75 24 5
1380 I’m sure you can guess the one word that describes my mother. 1.3267 0.05648 101 73 23 5
1381 I didn’t think my wife being a feline would cause so many problems. 1.3267 0.06465 101 78 13 10
1382 It’s so unfair. The cat’s pajamas. The cat’s meow. Why the dog days of summer? 1.3267 0.05988 101 75 19 7
1383 I can't help it. When he leaves for work, I miss him. 1.3267 0.05648 101 73 23 5
1384 The poodle got the promotion and I'm just supposed to roll over!" Heidi Roe, Myrtle Point, Oregon 1.3265 0.05941 98 72 20 6
1385 ...and every time I look outside, that dog that looks just like me is staring right back. I can't take it anymore! 1.3265 0.05384 98 69 26 3
1386 I dreamed I wanted to play fetch with my mother and maul my father. 1.3265 0.05941 98 72 20 6
1387 You're not listening. 1.3265 0.06115 98 73 18 7
1388 I barked and barked, but I couldn’t do anything because I had to stay inside and be a good boy. 1.3265 0.05941 98 72 20 6
1389 I have a real problem with tail- chasing - my own! 1.3265 0.05761 98 71 22 5
1390 I’m concerned my bark is worse than my bite. 1.3263 0.05881 95 69 21 5
1391 I know I'm a good boy. So why is that never good enough? 1.3261 0.06008 92 67 20 5
1392 Is it just me or is the vacuum cleaner really out to get me? 1.3261 0.06393 92 69 16 7
1393 Have you tried ignoring everyone and making your problems their's? 1.3261 0.06756 92 71 12 9
1394 And sometimes…I think the ‘good boy’ might be someone else entirely. 1.3261 0.05596 92 65 24 3
1395 I'm afraid I'm attracted to members of the opposite species. 1.3259 0.04913 135 98 30 7
1396 I can't fake the tail wag anymore. 1.3258 0.06347 89 66 17 6
1397 I think it's time we address your animal nature. 1.3258 0.06347 89 66 17 6
1398 Sometimes when I’m home alone, I walk around the house on all fours. 1.3258 0.06143 89 65 19 5
1399 It's called unconditional love, and I just can't help myself. 1.3258 0.05712 89 63 23 3
1400 Mrs. Bowser says I'm needy. 1.3258 0.05931 89 64 21 4
1401 How do you know what to do with 9 lives? I don't even know what to do with this one! 1.3258 0.05213 132 98 25 9
1402 My parents wanted me to go to obedience school, so I went. But what I really wanted to do was dance.” 1.3256 0.06286 86 63 18 5
1403 They did my DNA and I was devastated to learn that I am only 5% doodle. 1.3256 0.06500 86 64 16 6
1404 Given our diverse species, how can we ever establish rapport? 1.3256 0.06286 86 63 18 5
1405 It's all just so scary. I mean, we only get one shot at this thing called life, right? 1.3254 0.05615 126 96 19 11
1406 …and in my nightmare it’s a ball of yarn I fetch. 1.3254 0.05143 126 92 27 7
1407 My wife says I should wag my tail less if I want to be taken seriously. What do you think? 1.3253 0.05965 83 59 21 3
1408 It is silly and it hurts when I wag with my pants on 1.3253 0.06206 83 60 19 4
1409 I feel like I have only one life to live. 1.3252 0.04965 123 88 30 5
1410 Perhaps "chasing your tail" is symbolic for your feelings of complacency. 1.3250 0.06358 80 58 18 4
1411 It's just tricks, treats and manipulation...I just don't feel like being Man's best friend anymore. Isn't there another animal that can fill that role? 1.3250 0.07065 80 61 12 7
1412 I’m not a bad dog, I’m just misunderstood. 1.3250 0.05314 120 88 25 7
1413 Why is every mess always my fault? 1.3250 0.05181 120 87 27 6
1414 how can you compare nine lives to one? 1.3250 0.05044 120 86 29 5
1415 You ever feel like you’re just chasing your tail? 1.3248 0.04830 117 82 32 3
1416 Tell me about your breeder. 1.3247 0.06778 77 57 15 5
1417 Sure, I've got the great job, nice house, perfect family - but what's it all mean if I never catch that squirrel? 1.3247 0.06778 77 57 15 5
1418 I was just marking my territory around the office… 1.3247 0.07025 77 58 13 6
1419 I am dog tired all the time 1.3247 0.06253 77 55 19 3
1420 Doc, will I ever be satisfied when I finally catch a car? 1.3243 0.05302 111 80 26 5
1421 Have you considered chasing yarn? 1.3243 0.07479 74 57 10 7
1422 I mean,you probably never get like that,you have nine lives. 1.3243 0.05807 74 51 22 1
1423 And then..after a long day at the office,I come back to a mess and he wants to play fetch. 1.3243 0.06413 74 53 18 3
1424 They said I was the cat's meow. 1.3241 0.05074 145 109 25 11
1425 Let's assume you are me,..... 1.3241 0.05858 108 81 19 8
1426 They keep asking me to speak, but I feel like they never listen. 1.3238 0.06419 105 82 12 11
1427 What do you mean I see everything in black and white? 1.3238 0.05496 105 76 24 5
1428 Actually, I’m only here because you let me on the couch. 1.3233 0.05179 133 99 25 9
1429 ... but I identify as feline. 1.3232 0.05712 99 72 22 5
1430 Of course I’m not sleeping. You try being best friend to a whole species. 1.3232 0.06062 99 74 18 7
1431 I’m so depressed I don’t even chase cats anymore 1.3232 0.06062 99 74 18 7
1432 And every time I pull the squeaker out of the toy. 1.3232 0.05142 99 69 28 2
1433 Yes, I was forcibly castrated. But I’m over it. 1.3232 0.05712 99 72 22 5
1434 I just can't lift my leg like I used to. 1.3231 0.05030 130 95 28 7
1435 Can we take a quick break for me to chase my tail? 1.3229 0.05638 96 69 23 4
1436 No, Doc, I don’t think the catnip is helping. 1.3226 0.05547 93 66 24 3
1437 I feel like I'm just out there chasing my tail 1.3226 0.05332 93 65 26 2
1438 How about a little chase after the session? 1.3226 0.06516 93 71 14 8
1439 What are you afraid of? I don't bark. 1.3226 0.06146 93 69 18 6
1440 It's like you think you're the roadrunner, but everyone knows you're really the coyote." 1.3226 0.06516 93 71 14 8
1441 And what would happen if you let someone else be the good boy for a little while? 1.3226 0.05191 124 91 26 7
1442 They said it and said it, but I knew it wasn't true. 1.3223 0.04578 121 84 35 2
1443 I see. Why do you think you are obsessed with felines? 1.3223 0.05009 121 87 29 5
1444 I come from a long line of cataphobes. 1.3222 0.05876 90 65 21 4
1445 "They called me a 'bad boy', and then this cat just smirked at me." 1.3220 0.05500 118 88 22 8
1446 You make "setting a boundary" sound so easy. 1.3220 0.05757 118 90 18 10
1447 You know, you’re right…it is a dog-eat-dog world. 1.3220 0.05367 118 87 24 7
1448 I had a nightmare: my therapist had transformed in a cat 1.3218 0.06224 87 64 18 5
1449 I’m improving—I no longer want to bite your head off. 1.3218 0.06224 87 64 18 5
1450 I’m having difficulty with transference. 1.3217 0.05319 115 84 25 6
1451 man... you never know when they are going to hide the pill in the fcking meat, im just tired 1.3217 0.05461 115 85 23 7
1452 I think you need to stay outside more. 1.3214 0.06595 84 63 15 6
1453 I feel like I don’t receive enough belly rubs. 1.3214 0.06595 84 63 15 6
1454 I can't get Bob Barker's sign-off out of my head. 1.3214 0.05703 112 84 20 8
1455 I keep having this nightmare that I’m chasing you. 1.3214 0.05906 84 60 21 3
1456 So you have a bone to pick with me? 1.3214 0.06111 112 87 14 11
1457 I walk myself. I walk myself. I walk myself. 1.3214 0.06374 84 62 17 5
1458 It’s called separation anxiety , and…HEY, are you even LISTENING? 1.3214 0.06374 84 62 17 5
1459 So she went on a walk without you… 1.3214 0.06595 84 63 15 6
1460 They made me wear clothes! 1.3214 0.06595 84 63 15 6
1461 I have nightmares about chasing mice. 1.3211 0.05512 109 80 23 6
1462 'I try to be detached, but "Who's a good boy!" always gets me!' 1.3211 0.05512 109 80 23 6
1463 Never, ever, has she fetched the stick. And I’ve never caught a mouse. 1.3211 0.05812 109 82 19 8
1464 You can’t relate to this, but They are obsessed about pooping. 1.3211 0.05956 109 83 17 9
1465 My conclusion being that you are of sound mind and I will talk to the pharmacist and get you the drugs to start the transition process. It’s important to embrace your new urges, playing with yarn, warm milk, even hissing… 1.3210 0.06533 81 60 16 5
1466 Saying I’m the “cat’s meow” is not helping me with my gender identity. 1.3209 0.05360 134 102 21 11
1467 Always good boy. Never outstanding boy, excellent boy! 1.3208 0.06076 106 81 16 9
1468 What mice? Who's dream is this anyway..? 1.3208 0.06222 106 82 14 10
1469 I thought I had this thing . . . well, licked. 1.3208 0.05453 106 77 24 5
1470 He just keeps coming to the door over and over again, bringing the mail, everyday, how can they stand it? 1.3205 0.06450 78 57 17 4
1471 My wife, she doesn't play fetch anymore." 1.3205 0.05623 78 54 23 1
1472 My wife thinks I’m a pussy. 1.3205 0.06450 78 57 17 4
1473 They’re gone all day again and I don’t know what I did to drive them away. 1.3205 0.05911 78 55 21 2
1474 I feel so embarrassed, my wife caught me chasing my tail 1.3205 0.05911 78 55 21 2
1475 They kidnapped my puppies. 1.3204 0.05888 103 77 19 7
1476 Other dogs tease me because I like cats. 1.3204 0.05724 103 76 21 6
1477 They started dressing me like this when I was a pup. 1.3204 0.05556 103 75 23 5
1478 I just don't know who I am, Doc. I think it all began when she named me Mittens. 1.3204 0.06048 103 78 17 8
1479 Admit it. You don't like me. And don't give me any of that b.s. about transference. 1.3203 0.05075 128 94 27 7
1480 Deep down I know I truly am a good boy. 1.3200 0.05664 100 73 22 5
1481 Just once I'd like to hear it's raining dogs and cats. 1.3200 0.05840 100 74 20 6
1482 No offense, Doc, but your putting out that superiority vibe again. 1.3200 0.06010 100 75 18 7
1483 It just wags. No matter how hard I try,it won't stop. 1.3200 0.05664 100 73 22 5
1484 I know I shouldn’t fall for it, but when he rubs my chin, I get all gooey inside and I lose my defined boundaries. 1.3200 0.05483 100 72 24 4
1485 So then they broke the treat into two pieces, and told me I’d had two. 1.3196 0.06139 97 73 17 7
1486 Your problem is that your mother was a bitch. 1.3196 0.05778 97 71 21 5
1487 It's a dog's life -- but you don't have to be so smug about it. 1.3196 0.05961 97 72 19 6
1488 Easy for you to say . . . I don’t have nine lives! 1.3196 0.05961 97 72 19 6
1489 I always knew she was a bitch 1.3194 0.06802 72 53 15 4
1490 I tell you, it’s a dog’s life. 1.3194 0.07355 72 55 11 6
1491 My wife is a cat person,and I’m not. 1.3191 0.05702 94 68 22 4
1492 I've never circled three times before I sit....it's embarrassing, and at my age..... 1.3191 0.06090 94 70 18 6
1493 For some reason, I get the urge to chase you around the room. 1.3191 0.05702 94 68 22 4
1494 He let's the new dog sleep on the bed with us (sob)! 1.3190 0.05137 116 84 27 5
1495 So I am inferior to cats? 1.3190 0.05557 116 87 21 8
1496 I was hoping for “Substantially Exceeds Good Boy.” 1.3190 0.05821 116 89 17 10
1497 I appreciate your help doc but you should know, this doesn't end well for you. 1.3187 0.06227 91 68 17 6
1498 I'm not sure what my pronouns should be. 1.3186 0.05659 113 85 20 8
1499 My boss keeps calling me "Kitty. Should I go to HR?" 1.3186 0.05659 113 85 20 8
1500 I don’t even want to chase you right now. 1.3186 0.05659 113 85 20 8
1501 I’ve tried everything else 1.3186 0.05373 113 83 24 6
1502 But what is it that I'm really chasing? 1.3185 0.05221 135 102 23 10
1503 I always knew you would end up in control….and here we are…sigh ? 1.3182 0.05492 88 62 24 2
1504 My wife says I should explore my feline side. 1.3182 0.05249 88 61 26 1
1505 It started when I first saw my mother drinking out of the toilet. 1.3182 0.06164 88 65 18 5
1506 I just can’t seem to get over what a Bitch she is. 1.3182 0.05725 88 63 22 3
1507 Do you know if my insurance covers the out-of-dog network? 1.3182 0.06373 88 66 16 6
1508 Got it! Your mom was a real bitch... 1.3182 0.05766 110 83 19 8
1509 My wife won't let me on the couch. 1.3182 0.07832 66 51 9 6
1510 My wife said she was going to keep me on a short leash. 1.3178 0.06027 107 82 16 9
1511 I have this recurring nightmare of being aloof and emotionally disengaged. 1.3178 0.05245 107 77 26 4
1512 I’m feeling catatonic these days 1.3178 0.05879 107 81 18 8
1513 I've reached the end of my leash. 1.3178 0.05410 107 78 24 5
1514 I know that I shouldn’t rely on external validation, but damn, those treats are good! 1.3178 0.05245 107 77 26 4
1515 Sitting in that same office everyday has left me feeling so old and stiff. I can't even lick "there" anymore. 1.3176 0.06309 85 63 17 5
1516 And I guess that’s when I realized deep down, I’m really more of a cat lover. 1.3176 0.06309 85 63 17 5
1517 I miss being able to lick myself 1.3176 0.06309 85 63 17 5
1518 I worry that I am disappointing my owners…don’t you ever feel like that? 1.3175 0.05121 126 93 26 7
1519 I don’t know if I can tell you what I’m really thinking, doc. 1.3173 0.04976 104 73 29 2
1520 It’s different on Zoom. Everyone knows I’m a dog. 1.3173 0.05511 104 76 23 5
1521 Do you realize how hard it is to be a Republican in this town? 1.3173 0.05840 104 78 19 7
1522 Should I act less attached? 1.3173 0.05511 104 76 23 5
1523 …and then I woke up and they were gone. 1.3171 0.06464 82 61 16 5
1524 Have you ever considered withholding your affection? 1.3171 0.05204 123 91 25 7
1525 My friends say I'm too submissive. What do you think? 1.3168 0.05959 101 76 18 7
1526 Sometimes I dream I'm free of all responsibility, that humans cater to me, that they obey me. Sometimes I even "meow." 1.3168 0.05959 101 76 18 7
1527 It's the same thing every single day - get up, go outside, come back in, sniff everybody, go outside again, dinner and then bedtime - and every meal is dog food!! 1.3167 0.05156 120 88 26 6
1528 Perhaps it’s time to reconnect with your inner puppy. 1.3167 0.05421 120 90 22 8
1529 I caught the car in my dream. I don’t know what that means. 1.3165 0.06630 79 59 15 5
1530 When will you tell them? 1.3165 0.07328 79 62 9 8
1531 I'm haunted by all the times I've dropped the ball. 1.3165 0.06630 79 59 15 5
1532 Tell me Doc, will I ever get out of the dog house? 1.3165 0.06381 79 58 17 4
1533 Treats just aren't doing the trick anymore 1.3165 0.06630 79 59 15 5
1534 'Do whatever makes you happy'? That's easy for you to say." 1.3163 0.05542 98 71 23 4
1535 I'll never be cunning... 1.3163 0.06085 98 74 17 7
1536 Have you ever tried NOT running for the ball? 1.3162 0.05100 117 85 27 5
1537 So, for how long have you been suffering from anthropomorphism? 1.3158 0.05476 114 85 22 7
1538 I keep getting the urge to chase you around the office. 1.3158 0.05847 95 70 20 5
1539 Tell me less. 1.3158 0.07061 76 58 12 6
1540 Do you really think using masks like THIS will get to the bottom of my problems 1.3158 0.06035 95 71 18 6
1541 After transference occurs will I be able to meow? 1.3158 0.06218 95 72 16 7
1542 Doc, I"m telling you: I'm a feline trapped in a canine body. 1.3154 0.05126 130 97 25 8
1543 And this bully, is it in the room with us right now? 1.3154 0.04765 130 94 31 5
1544 At work I'm the CEO. At home I'm just Fido. 1.3152 0.05338 92 65 25 2
1545 I feel like a rat 1.3152 0.06169 92 69 17 6
1546 My boss - it's like he doesn't respect me. Every time I fetch the stick, he just throws it away again! 1.3152 0.05769 92 67 21 4
1547 See? With this getup, they won't even let me chase my tail." 1.3152 0.05769 92 67 21 4
1548 She threw the ball, and then all of a sudden it was behind her back." 1.3148 0.05831 108 82 18 8
1549 So, what did the dog drag in today? 1.3146 0.05892 89 65 20 4
1550 True, my fetching the stick gives them something to do. 1.3146 0.06105 89 66 18 5
1551 Usually I have to sneak up on this couch when no one's home. 1.3146 0.05671 89 64 22 3
1552 I’m a cat trapped in a dog’s body and no one seems to get it. 1.3146 0.05671 89 64 22 3
1553 Can you help me to be aloof and not a pleaser? 1.3143 0.06914 70 52 14 4
1554 Feeling a lack of autonomy? 1.3143 0.06607 70 51 16 3
1555 Really? You mean there's such a thing as being too extroverted? 1.3143 0.05466 105 77 23 5
1556 Are you...laughing? 1.3143 0.05792 105 79 19 7
1557 But I don't feel like a good boy. 1.3143 0.05631 105 78 21 6
1558 Six years old,and what have I done with my life? 1.3143 0.05631 105 78 21 6
1559 I can't help but feel that we are incompatible 1.3143 0.05631 105 78 21 6
1560 He comes home from her place too tired to play or take a walk, cat scent all over him. And he's happy! 1.3140 0.06462 86 65 15 6
1561 I killed them all. 1.3140 0.06247 86 64 17 5
1562 I feel I've been gender neutered. 1.3140 0.06247 86 64 17 5
1563 I'm married to a cat, and now I'm worried SCOTUS is going to overturn interspecies marriage. 1.3140 0.06872 86 67 11 8
1564 I thought the receptionist said this was the office of Tom and Bob Katz 1.3140 0.06247 86 64 17 5
1565 I thought we were all perfectly happy with just the way things were.Then they had to go and get a cat. 1.3140 0.06670 86 66 13 7
1566 At least YOU have 8 other lives to live. For me THIS is it! 1.3140 0.06247 86 64 17 5
1567 , .....and I have this natural aggression toward your species, no offense. 1.3140 0.05792 86 62 21 3
1568 Your lot are different; for me, I need to know that my humans accept me. 1.3137 0.05570 102 75 22 5
1569 Detatch with love" just isn't working for me 1.3137 0.06228 102 79 14 9
1570 For a therapy pet, you’re surprisingly accomplished. 1.3137 0.05570 102 75 22 5
1571 So should I join the pack and move to Austin? 1.3137 0.05210 102 73 26 3
1572 I never have that dream where I'm naked. 1.3133 0.06164 83 61 18 4
1573 So how come you get 9 lives and I only get one? 1.3133 0.06623 83 63 14 6
1574 What do you mean an inferiority complex is normal for someone like me? 1.3131 0.06200 99 76 15 8
1575 Are you listening to me? 1.3131 0.05858 99 74 19 6
1576 You’re the first cat I can really trust . 1.3131 0.05495 99 72 23 4
1577 No, actually, I never thought about transitioning to the feline species ... 1.3131 0.05495 99 72 23 4
1578 "Strange dreams lately: I climb trees and take delight in being aloof." 1.3131 0.05495 99 72 23 4
1579 I feel this way every time they leave the house! 1.3131 0.05858 99 74 19 6
1580 I don’t know. White collar, blue collar, flea collar, choker. It all seems so claustrophobic. 1.3131 0.06031 99 75 17 7
1581 But what does purr even mean? 1.3131 0.05679 99 73 21 5
1582 I feel like I'm a cat trapped in a dog's body. 1.3130 0.05147 115 84 26 5
1583 My wife had actually said I need to get in touch with my feelings, not a Feline. 1.3130 0.05435 115 86 22 7
1584 To be fully transparent Doc, I am struggling with the trust issue. 1.3130 0.05435 115 86 22 7
1585 How am I supposed to have any self-esteem when I have to wear a leash and you don't? 1.3130 0.05970 115 90 14 11
1586 I feel resistant to chains. 1.3125 0.05602 96 70 22 4
1587 You could pretend you're interested. 1.3125 0.05533 112 84 21 7
1588 Just a few years ago, I would have been chasing you down the street. 1.3125 0.05078 112 81 27 4
1589 How could you possibly understand - you’re a cat person and I’m a dog person 1.3125 0.06313 80 59 17 4
1590 I'm fine. Really. I just wondered what it's like on a couch. 1.3125 0.06313 80 59 17 4
1591 I can't even say what my mother is. 1.3125 0.05602 96 70 22 4
1592 I lost my tennis ball. 1.3125 0.05196 96 68 26 2
1593 No, I don’t secretly dream of being a cat. I dream of about being a Great Dane and stomping on the cat that lives in my neighborhood and is murdering all the birds and bunnies. 1.3125 0.05602 96 70 22 4
1594 The treats are great. But how do I negotiate for an indoor bathroom? 1.3125 0.06162 96 73 16 7
1595 Dr. Katz, tell me again, why we have to wear these masks? 1.3125 0.07247 80 63 9 8
1596 You know doc, this is one comfortable couch. 1.3125 0.05981 96 72 18 6
1597 And is this… mailman in the room with us 1.3125 0.05981 96 72 18 6
1598 Every day feels 168 hours long... 1.3125 0.05602 96 70 22 4
1599 Well, my mom was a bitch. 1.3119 0.05636 109 82 20 7
1600 I'm going to order an immediate CAT Scan. 1.3118 0.05917 93 69 19 5
1601 I don't feel you really understand me. 1.3118 0.06111 93 70 17 6
1602 Is it my fault that I cannot tell a buried bone from a buried mine? 1.3118 0.06111 93 70 17 6
1603 Then she said “You're a bad dog” and left me. 1.3113 0.05254 106 77 25 4
1604 I’m feeling tense. Can I chase you around the room again? 1.3113 0.05899 106 81 17 8
1605 After I was spayed, my desire to chase cats just went away 1.3113 0.05080 106 76 27 3
1606 I drink from the toilet and like to chase cars. 1.3113 0.05254 106 77 25 4
1607 I dunno what it is doc. I can't get enough cat litter. 1.3113 0.05744 106 80 19 7
1608 I mean, does it really matter if I wear my tail down my left trouser leg or my right? 1.3111 0.06047 90 67 18 5
1609 Dr. Katz.. I have issues with pussey 1.3111 0.05837 90 66 20 4
1610 Tell me again why you put your head out of the car window even when driving. 1.3111 0.06047 90 67 18 5
1611 At what point should I be walking away with my tail between my legs? 1.3111 0.05392 90 64 24 2
1612 I just don't get a thrill from the chase anymore. 1.3108 0.06645 74 55 15 4
1613 Sure, I’ve caught the car. But then what? 1.3108 0.06645 74 55 15 4
1614 Just once, I'd like my boss to ask me who's a good boy. 1.3108 0.06645 74 55 15 4
1615 I just can't stop smelling people's butts. 1.3108 0.06918 74 56 13 5
1616 People called her a bitch, but she was always 'mommy' to me. 1.3108 0.06918 74 56 13 5
1617 But is it really the tail you’re chasing? 1.3108 0.05749 74 52 21 1
1618 In my dream I was in a large group of domestic animals and I was the only one who was naked. 1.3107 0.05858 103 78 18 7
1619 Tell me more about the time you felt you were being cat-called in the dog park? 1.3107 0.06175 103 80 14 9
1620 Is sniffing butts really that bad? 1.3107 0.05349 103 75 24 4
1621 I'm worried I'm not making the most of my one life. 1.3107 0.05524 103 76 22 5
1622 I'm not usually allowed on the furniture. 1.3103 0.05965 87 64 19 4
1623 After I found out it was a dog-eat-dog world, well, I didn’t know where else to turn. 1.3103 0.05925 116 91 14 11
1624 Trust me, I studied dog therapies when I was in Vienna. 1.3103 0.05395 116 87 22 7
1625 I’m all bark and no bite 1.3103 0.06185 87 65 17 5
1626 What do you mean you charge in dog years? 1.3103 0.04961 116 84 28 4
1627 What 'elephant in the room' are you talking about?" 1.3103 0.05395 116 87 22 7
1628 It's just...when she comes home, I can't help but get excited. 1.3103 0.05736 87 63 21 3
1629 I have trust issues,Dr. Katz. 1.3100 0.06146 100 77 15 8
1630 For once, I'd like to just squat. 1.3100 0.05631 100 74 21 5
1631 I just don't get it? All they do is sleep and eat! 1.3100 0.05064 100 71 27 2
1632 No, I guess you wouldn't understand. 1.3100 0.05449 100 73 23 4
1633 Doc, you've been charging me seven times too much. 1.3100 0.05808 100 75 19 6
1634 I coulda been a champion. 1.3100 0.05808 100 75 19 6
1635 Do you even know I'm in the room? 1.3100 0.05631 100 74 21 5
1636 Some days I feel like man's second best friend. 1.3099 0.06213 71 51 18 2
1637 Can’t we be associated with sunshine instead? 1.3097 0.05041 113 82 27 4
1638 I'm tired of chasing my own tail. 1.3095 0.06332 84 63 16 5
1639 I keep having this dream where... Wait - this is the dream! 1.3095 0.06554 84 64 14 6
1640 How bad it is when the publisher has to explain my cartoon in a pop-up? 1.3095 0.06332 84 63 16 5
1641 They all just watch—at least you get a litter box. 1.3095 0.06332 84 63 16 5
1642 I just... haven't felt like a good boy lately. 1.3095 0.06554 84 64 14 6
1643 All my problems would go away if I just stretched out in a sunny spot? 1.3095 0.06101 84 62 18 4
1644 ...And you were the only therapist in-network." 1.3095 0.06554 84 64 14 6
1645 I'm just hate wearing a tie. It makes me feel kept, you know? 1.3095 0.06770 84 65 12 7
1646 When did you decide that you wanted to be a cat? 1.3093 0.05928 97 73 18 6
1647 I'm tired and disgusted of sniffing other dogs' butts. Does that make me a cat lover? 1.3093 0.05554 97 71 22 4
1648 Doctor, I find you rather aloof. 1.3093 0.05744 97 72 20 5
1649 Have you considered just sitting there indifferently when your owner comes home? 1.3093 0.05928 97 73 18 6
1650 …but I identify as a cat person. 1.3091 0.05739 110 84 18 8
1651 Why can't a bone be just a bone? 1.3091 0.05441 110 82 22 6
1652 I have a problem with cats 1.3088 0.07030 68 51 13 4
1653 I keep dreaming that God is a cat. 1.3086 0.06489 81 61 15 5
1654 It's a lot of work to be a BFF" 1.3086 0.06246 81 60 17 4
1655 I don’t know Doc, it’s like I keep chasing my tail… 1.3086 0.05994 81 59 19 3
1656 And in this dream, you always land on your feet? 1.3086 0.05731 81 58 21 2
1657 Should I resist these aggressive impulses? 1.3085 0.05863 94 70 19 5
1658 I feel like I'm trapped in the wrong body. 1.3085 0.05459 94 68 23 3
1659 It may be the world, but I don't want to eat dog. 1.3085 0.06241 94 72 15 7
1660 I hate to say this, but pretty soon you'll only have eight lives. 1.3085 0.06241 94 72 15 7
1661 It’s like, what am I even chasing after anyway? 1.3085 0.05665 94 69 21 4
1662 So I gave her a dead mouse like you recommended, and let me tell you - it did NOT go over well. 1.3084 0.05851 107 82 17 8
1663 . . . and I'm being chased by cars, squirrels, clouds, balloons! 1.3084 0.05541 107 80 21 6
1664 The concept of opposable thumbs eludes me. 1.3077 0.06402 78 58 16 4
1665 …and lots of shame from delayed house-training. 1.3077 0.05990 91 68 18 5
1666 Since I’ve gotten this craving for canned fish, all my former friends have stopped sniffing my butt. 1.3077 0.06273 104 82 12 10
1667 Since when do cats have opposable thumbs? 1.3077 0.05782 91 67 20 4
1668 Saying my life is the cat’s meow is not reassuring. 1.3077 0.06136 78 57 18 3
1669 I can’t help thinking they wanted a cat instead of me. 1.3077 0.05355 117 88 22 7
1670 Mostly it's the shoes. I just can't stand them! 1.3077 0.05859 78 56 20 2
1671 I just get this sneaking suspicion that my wife has a thing for the Mailman. 1.3077 0.06657 78 59 14 5
1672 Stop thinking of humans as gods, and start thinking of them as vending machines, 1.3077 0.05990 91 68 18 5
1673 Fear of abandonment manifests in many behaviors, like chasing the mailman. 1.3077 0.04986 130 97 26 7
1674 My father was a dog and my mother was a bitch. 1.3070 0.05157 114 87 22 5
1675 It's a dog-eat-dog world...not a dog-eat-cat world! 1.3069 0.05758 101 76 19 6
1676 Granted, I'm being catty about this, but, no, you can not pay my fee with buried bones. 1.3069 0.05758 101 76 19 6
1677 Nowhere in the employee manual does it mention a butt-sniffing moratorium. 1.3069 0.05583 101 75 21 5
1678 I took your advice,but my wife said I was barking up the wrong tree. 1.3069 0.05758 101 76 19 6
1679 I'm a Good Dog, I know I am, I know I am. 1.3068 0.05907 88 65 19 4
1680 You're right. Why am I peeing outdoors? 1.3068 0.05907 88 65 19 4
1681 I feel like you just don't care. 1.3067 0.06837 75 57 13 5
1682 She just hasn't called me a good boy in so long... 1.3067 0.06569 75 56 15 4
1683 Sometimes it's my tail—sometimes it's a car—sometimes it's…you. 1.3067 0.06569 75 56 15 4
1684 Vacuums have become a real world problem for Marley and me 1.3061 0.05876 98 74 18 6
1685 My nerves are shot. I feel like I’m always being judged by cats. 1.3061 0.05311 98 71 24 3
1686 I know it's a fallacy of relative privation, but sometimes I just don't feel like fetching. 1.3061 0.05506 98 72 22 4
1687 We've been over this before. I do not have your tongue. 1.3060 0.05106 134 102 23 9
1688 So you think the good boy is someone else entirely? 1.3059 0.06268 85 64 16 5
1689 Why do I feel that you're not really listening? 1.3059 0.05803 85 62 20 3
1690 You're right, my mother was a bitch. 1.3059 0.06487 85 65 14 6
1691 I’ve been feline a bit ruff” 1.3059 0.06040 85 63 18 4
1692 I don’t find the New Yorker dog cartons funny. 1.3056 0.05497 108 81 21 6
1693 Everybody is so catty in this doggone world. 1.3056 0.05803 108 83 17 8
1694 She no longer likes to sniff my rear 1.3056 0.05497 108 81 21 6
1695 Oh, come on, Doc. Don't make me beg!" 1.3053 0.05810 95 71 19 5
1696 I feel guilty about taking cat naps. 1.3053 0.06184 95 73 15 7
1697 My life has exactly been a walk in the park. 1.3053 0.05614 95 70 21 4
1698 I’m having a bit of a ruff time. 1.3053 0.06000 95 72 17 6
1699 I've just noticed it's really a human-eat-human world out there. 1.3053 0.06000 95 72 17 6
1700 There I am, tongue out, tail wagging, toe nails clacking with glee as I circle my beloved human, and all I can hear is the echoing, empty, faraway voice of my inner critic whispering yet again those same two words, over and over, relentlessly: 'Bad dog.' 1.3053 0.06184 95 73 15 7
1701 They call me scaredy-cat because I'm afraid of fireworks. 1.3051 0.05178 118 88 24 6
1702 I gotta face facts, Doc. No amount of therapy will erase tens of thousands of years of domestication. . . 1.3049 0.06181 82 61 17 4
1703 What is it about “no” that you don’t understand” 1.3049 0.06873 82 64 11 7
1704 I don’t bury my poop. Is that so bad? 1.3048 0.05600 105 79 20 6
1705 I can’t stop these dreams where I’m chasing mice instead of cars. 1.3048 0.05600 105 79 20 6
1706 The ringing in my ears still makes me hungry. 1.3043 0.05729 92 68 20 4
1707 Well sure I have issues with cats. No reason to get your back up, Doc. 1.3043 0.06324 92 71 14 7
1708 This meeeow thing, when did it start? 1.3043 0.05408 115 87 21 7
1709 It just seems like you're not listening. 1.3043 0.05296 92 66 24 2
1710 'My mother'? Well, she was a b.... 1.3043 0.05934 92 69 18 5
1711 Sit. Roll over. Beg. I'll do anything for approval. 1.3043 0.07242 69 53 11 5
1712 Somehow I think you don't really care about me 1.3043 0.05119 115 85 24 5
1713 Uh-oh! Session's over early. I just heard their car drive up. 1.3043 0.05729 92 68 20 4
1714 I don't know... my human keeps telling me "heal boy", so here I am. 1.3043 0.06942 69 52 13 4
1715 I just can't keep chasing it. 1.3043 0.04967 115 84 27 4
1716 Its a lot of pressure to live up to the hype of being man's best friend 1.3039 0.05358 102 75 23 4
1717 When were you first diagnosed with feline envy? 1.3039 0.05877 102 78 17 7
1718 I always get depressed during the dog days. 1.3038 0.06584 79 60 14 5
1719 It’s too much - they keep saying I rescued them. 1.3038 0.06071 79 58 18 3
1720 The trouble is I’m a cat person. 1.3038 0.06332 79 59 16 4
1721 I thought wanting to chase you up a tree was transference. 1.3036 0.05357 112 84 22 6
1722 I think sometimes that I just react instinctually like I'm some kind of animal. 1.3036 0.05357 112 84 22 6
1723 I thought I was doing better, but then ate out of the litterbox again 1.3034 0.06472 89 69 13 7
1724 My woofer is the cat's meow... 1.3034 0.06272 89 68 15 6
1725 I've always felt like I didn't fit in. 1.3034 0.05851 89 66 19 4
1726 It’s been ruff. 1.3034 0.06667 89 70 11 8
1727 I guess,now,it's out of the bag. 1.3030 0.05644 99 74 20 5
1728 I'm sensing your love and approval beneath your façade of disdain and contempt. 1.3030 0.05459 99 73 22 4
1729 I want to wag my tail again, wag...how do you wag in this outfit? 1.3030 0.05459 99 73 22 4
1730 So, you’re trying to tell me that a cat staying in the room next to yours is both dead and alive? 1.3030 0.05998 99 76 16 7
1731 Life is ruff. 1.3028 0.05756 109 84 17 8
1732 All of a sudden being a "very good boy" became unfulfilling. 1.3026 0.05929 76 55 19 2
1733 It's just that I really, really don't like to bark. 1.3026 0.07014 76 59 11 6
1734 It's my pet human; he hears everything I say, but I think he speaks a different language. 1.3025 0.05000 119 88 26 5
1735 My wife thinks I've been catting around. 1.3025 0.05277 119 90 22 7
1736 Felines? My problem with felines are why I’m court-ordered to be here. 1.3023 0.06421 86 66 14 6
1737 But nobody could see the elephant in the room. 1.3023 0.05980 86 64 18 4
1738 ... and there was the time a cat chased me up a tree. 1.3023 0.05980 86 64 18 4
1739 I've been having these terrible dreams: cats as man's best friend. 1.3023 0.06204 86 65 16 5
1740 I was just marking my territory as usual when….. 1.3023 0.06204 86 65 16 5
1741 But we don’t fight like that! 1.3021 0.05364 96 70 23 3
1742 I'm starting to realise I'm not a working dog at all, I'd rather sleep all day 1.3021 0.06127 96 74 15 7
1743 I just found out my best friend has a best friend. 1.3021 0.05946 96 73 17 6
1744 No matter how old I get, I need constant reassurance I'm a good boy. 1.3021 0.05364 96 70 23 3
1745 Why should I 'sit''" 1.3019 0.06020 106 83 14 9
1746 Will there be a conflict of interest here? 1.3019 0.05555 106 80 20 6
1747 Seems my bark is even worse than my bite. 1.3019 0.05390 106 79 22 5
1748 Doc, you’re lucky your kind isn’t made to “speak”. 1.3017 0.05226 116 87 23 6
1749 What if no one thinks I'm a very good boy? 1.3014 0.06376 73 54 16 3
1750 I can't shake the feeling that I'm rally a cat in a dog's body. 1.3014 0.06668 73 55 14 4
1751 No matter what anyone says I can't shake the feeling that I'm really a bad boy. 1.3014 0.06668 73 55 14 4
1752 I suddenly realized it’s a dog’s life. Thanks 1.3014 0.06948 73 56 12 5
1753 Let me get this straight,” said Dr. Cat. “The bones are buried where? 1.3014 0.06071 73 53 18 2
1754 So does a mailman's leg really taste like chicken? 1.3012 0.06580 83 64 13 6
1755 Sorry I chased you under the couch, Doc. 1.3012 0.06580 83 64 13 6
1756 My carbon pawprint, the future of dogs on this planet… environmental melancholia 1.3012 0.05617 83 60 21 2
1757 I've only got one midlife crisis to figure this out, you don't understand! 1.3012 0.06117 83 62 17 4
1758 My wife is leaving me because she caught me in a cathouse. 1.3012 0.05872 83 61 19 3
1759 Ya gotta help me, Doc. Everybody is turning into cats! It’s true! Doc? DOC? 1.3011 0.05879 93 70 18 5
1760 Stop talking about transference...I just like chasing mice. 1.3011 0.05879 93 70 18 5
1761 The cat’s got your tongue, down and noted. 1.3011 0.05467 93 68 22 3
1762 I know that liking cat food doesn't make me less of a dog, but it feels like it does/ 1.3011 0.05677 93 69 20 4
1763 I would keep it simple and say, “please refer to me as they, them or theirs.” 1.3010 0.05490 103 77 21 5
1764 Sorry, but it feels like you're not listening to a single word I'm saying. 1.3010 0.05827 103 79 17 7
1765 If I eat you, we still have eight more sessions, right? 1.3010 0.05661 103 78 19 6
1766 You wouldn't understand. 1.3009 0.04850 113 82 28 3
1767 This patient-therapist dynamic unfortunately just reinforces a societal stereotype that cats are smarter. 1.3009 0.05166 113 84 24 5
1768 I'm never in a video. 1.3000 0.08336 60 48 6 6
1769 You made a mistake, don't feel so guilty about it, we're only human. 1.3000 0.06264 80 60 16 4
1770 I can’t be myself. I worry that my owner is really a cat person. 1.3000 0.05412 100 74 22 4
1771 I identify as a cat. 1.3000 0.06007 90 68 17 5
1772 And how long have you wanted to pee in the litter box? 1.3000 0.05411 110 83 21 6
1773 My wife thinks I'm too dogged. 1.3000 0.06409 90 70 13 7
1774 The inner cat in me yowls to come out! 1.3000 0.06211 90 69 15 6
1775 But can I trust other species? 1.3000 0.06113 100 78 14 8
1776 Maybe you're right. Maybe I do fall in love too easily. 1.3000 0.04965 120 89 26 5
1777 Unfortunately I can only eat from porcelain bowls from the Ming dynasty. 1.3000 0.06007 90 68 17 5
1778 No,I am not a republican why do you ask. 1.3000 0.06211 90 69 15 6
1779 Canine, feline, why do words matter anyway? 1.3000 0.05239 120 91 22 7
1780 At the end of the day, we're all just dogs. 1.3000 0.06007 90 68 17 5
1781 And sometimes, I talk to a box, thinking that you may be in there, listening to me. 1.3000 0.06007 90 68 17 5
1782 July 4th… every year… whyyyy! 1.3000 0.06751 80 62 12 6
1783 The humans call me a different name every day. I just don’t know who I am anymore. 1.3000 0.05412 100 74 22 4
1784 We have to dig up what you’ve buried. But I assure you, all my clients land on their feet. 1.2992 0.05039 127 96 24 7
1785 When they said it was a dog eat dog world, I thought it was just a metaphor. 1.2992 0.05398 127 99 18 10
1786 I FEEL LIKE I'M JUST A WOOFER TRYING TO LIVE IN A MEOW WORLD" 1.2991 0.05188 117 88 23 6
1787 My best memories are that lingering smell of skunk afterwards. 1.2991 0.05510 107 81 20 6
1788 ...My mother...? she was a nasty bitch...! 1.2991 0.05821 107 83 16 8
1789 Two hundred an hour and all you ever seem to come up with is "Life is like a ball of string"? 1.2990 0.06072 97 75 15 7
1790 I boosted sales, but received no treat whatsoever, just a pat on the head. 1.2990 0.05317 97 71 23 3
1791 If I were a cat, I'd at least come when I was called. 1.2990 0.05516 97 72 21 4
1792 I fear I'm getting to look like my master. 1.2990 0.05892 97 74 17 6
1793 Spot, now there's a people pleaser. 1.2990 0.05516 97 72 21 4
1794 I mean…is it really so hard for her to see that my inner puppy has Post Traumatic Fetch Syndrome?? 1.2990 0.05892 97 74 17 6
1795 I keep dreaming about very cool cats. 1.2989 0.06143 87 66 16 5
1796 I have a fear of mice. 1.2989 0.06356 87 67 14 6
1797 I get no respect; it's "sit, stay. heel all day". You have no idea. 1.2989 0.05921 87 65 18 4
1798 Would you please stop staring at the fly on the wall and listen to me. 1.2989 0.06143 87 66 16 5
1799 I know it’s just a saying, but sometimes I really do wonder if your job is to fight with me? 1.2989 0.06563 87 68 12 7
1800 And I was so excited when she got home but ITS NOT AS IF YOU’D KNOW WHAT THATS LIKE!! 1.2989 0.06143 87 66 16 5
1801 I’m tired of chasing my tail. I need to start chasing my dreams. 1.2989 0.05921 87 65 18 4
1802 I need to set and keep to boundaries. 1.2987 0.06421 77 58 15 4
1803 I just wish they had some place for me to poop inside. 1.2987 0.06421 77 58 15 4
1804 All my life, I’ve felt like a cat trapped in a dog’s body.” 1.2987 0.06421 77 58 15 4
1805 Yes, I'm trans. I've felt like a cat ever since I was a puppy! 1.2987 0.06421 77 58 15 4
1806 Take it from me, it’s not you; people are the needy and dependent ones. 1.2987 0.06682 77 59 13 5
1807 Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy?" Every day, always the same question. Why don't they know by now? I keep trying my best, doc, but I don't know what to do anymore 1.2984 0.04989 124 93 25 6
1808 Your turn on the couch. 1.2982 0.05421 114 87 20 7
1809 Are you sure Sigmund Fido is unavailable? 1.2982 0.05421 114 87 20 7
1810 I'm getting old and it scares me. I only have one life you know 1.2981 0.04904 104 75 27 2
1811 … so then Rocky calls me a pussy. 1.2981 0.05445 104 78 21 5
1812 It is so humiliating to have to open up to you! 1.2981 0.05271 104 77 23 4
1813 I really wish you'd stop purring 1.2981 0.05271 104 77 23 4
1814 Pussy makes me crazy.... 1.2981 0.05271 104 77 23 4
1815 And what’s with all the toys? Is it for me or them? I’m almost 124 years old, I just want a scotch and the good spot on the couch… you get it. 1.2981 0.05271 104 77 23 4
1816 I have this compulsion to wear shoes on my hands. 1.2981 0.05614 104 79 19 6
1817 And they keep wanting me to sleep with them. 1.2981 0.05937 104 81 15 8
1818 … dog tired, … , it’s a dog’s life, … in the dog house! What do I have to do to get some respect around here? 1.2979 0.05825 94 71 18 5
1819 Going forward, Let's refer to your wife as a 'female dog', please. 1.2979 0.06018 94 72 16 6
1820 No, me being your therapist is not a catastrophe.. 1.2979 0.06018 94 72 16 6
1821 And, she keeps hounding me about my bad breath. 1.2979 0.05418 94 69 22 3
1822 I feel guilty about wanting to chase mice. 1.2979 0.06387 94 74 12 8
1823 I actually like the collar, you know. Just not the way it looks. 1.2977 0.04809 131 98 27 6
1824 I believe I was really born to be a cat, but every time I ignore them they yell at me. 1.2976 0.05561 84 61 21 2
1825 Help me, Doc. I have this compulsion to please my owners. 1.2976 0.06055 84 63 17 4
1826 You really think I’ve been chasing after the wrong thing my entire life? 1.2976 0.05561 84 61 21 2
1827 I had the dream again where we were naked and fighting over a piece of cheese. 1.2975 0.05202 121 92 22 7
1828 Sure, I know that chasing the ball is wrong, but I can’t help myself. 1.2973 0.05350 74 52 22 0
1829 I gotta be honest with you, Dr. Katz. It’s been pretty rrrough. My obsession with cats is so out of control it has me thinking even you are a cat! 1.2973 0.05214 111 83 23 5
1830 Dont think about my wealth, think about my health dear 1.2973 0.06002 74 54 18 2
1831 You CAN'T understand, it's a dog eat dog world! 1.2973 0.05368 111 84 21 6
1832 I have a crippling fear that one day it will rain so hard that WE become the rain 1.2970 0.05724 101 77 18 6
1833 I do it because I can, Doctor. 1.2970 0.05548 101 76 20 5
1834 Is it possible man isn't MY best friend? My world would be shattered! I'm sure you can empathize... 1.2970 0.05179 101 74 24 3
1835 I just don't understand how they haven't figured out yet that I am the good boy. 1.2970 0.05724 101 77 18 6
1836 Anthropomorphism? That’s your diagnosis? 1.2969 0.07278 64 49 11 4
1837 What should I do? My owner wants me to stop wearing his clothes. 1.2967 0.06151 91 70 15 6
1838 I see the man or woman get out the leash, and I start running around in circles I'm so excited. I don't think you'd understand." 1.2967 0.05741 91 68 19 4
1839 Don't EVEN get me started on the 4th of July. 1.2967 0.05741 91 68 19 4
1840 ...And it was raining cats and dogs. It was horrible. 1.2967 0.05949 91 69 17 5
1841 And she doesn't let me wear boots. 1.2967 0.06151 91 70 15 6
1842 Not that you would understand, but it's a dog-eat-dog world out there. 1.2967 0.05741 91 68 19 4
1843 It all started with the pooper scooper law 1.2967 0.05949 91 69 17 5
1844 It’s raining. 1.2967 0.06347 91 71 13 7
1845 I don't know what's wrong with me. I just can't welcome them home with enthusiasm any more. 1.2963 0.06197 81 61 16 4
1846 'So what say we forget all the talking and I just come here to eat from your litter box once a week?" 1.2963 0.05465 108 82 20 6
1847 And why is it the dog days of summer? 1.2963 0.06197 81 61 16 4
1848 What do you mean by "meow"? 1.2963 0.05139 108 80 24 4
1849 Why do we dress up for this? 1.2963 0.05305 108 81 22 5
1850 I'm stressed about my upcoming license exam. 1.2963 0.05622 108 83 18 7
1851 So you’re saying I hate myself because my mother was a bitch? 1.2963 0.05465 108 82 20 6
1852 A colleague suggested that you might be able to help me with my catnip addiction. 1.2960 0.05083 125 95 23 7
1853 I told her my bark was worse than my bite. 1.2959 0.06017 98 76 15 7
1854 No, I don’t think chasing you around the office would be therapeutic, and I’m a little surprised that you’d suggest the idea. 1.2959 0.05840 98 75 17 6
1855 I’m still struggling with what to name my owner. 1.2959 0.05068 98 71 25 2
1856 Actually I like cats,some of my best friends are cats! 1.2959 0.05657 98 74 19 5
1857 I don't mind an occasional butt sniff, but couldn't they just ask me how I am sometimes? 1.2959 0.05657 98 74 19 5
1858 But if I say, 'I'm NOT a speciesist! My therapist is a cat!' then they'll know I'm in therapy!" 1.2955 0.06082 88 67 16 5
1859 So when do you believe this constant need to please began? 1.2955 0.06082 88 67 16 5
1860 I know you're on number nine. 1.2955 0.05863 88 66 18 4
1861 Doc, I have the strangest urge to hump everything in site! 1.2955 0.05636 88 65 20 3
1862 You keep returning the frisbee. Why? 1.2955 0.06082 88 67 16 5
1863 It’s like a fog coming in on little cat’s paws 1.2955 0.06293 88 68 14 6
1864 I sense some tension here. 1.2955 0.05863 88 66 18 4
1865 It’s just that sometimes it seems like I’m just barking at nothing 1.2955 0.05399 88 64 22 2
1866 When she laughed and said give the dog a bone, I sat and waited a half hour. Until I realised she was referring to her husband. 1.2952 0.05567 105 80 19 6
1867 Aren't we done already! 1.2949 0.06607 78 60 13 5
1868 Am I allowed to say I'm scared of cats? 1.2947 0.05370 95 70 22 3
1869 My mother tried to raise me as a cat 1.2947 0.05370 95 70 22 3
1870 Have you tried treating them like they don’t exist? 1.2947 0.05574 95 71 20 4
1871 So you’re suggesting I give up my morning walk and use a litter box.” 1.2947 0.05962 95 73 16 6
1872 I don't feel the catnip is working... 1.2946 0.05327 112 85 21 6
1873 Sure, they feed me and all. But sometimes, it’s like they don’t even know I’m there. 1.2946 0.05174 112 84 23 5
1874 This burning desire I have to chase you around the room… is it instinct or another transference projection? 1.2946 0.05621 112 87 17 8
1875 It seems my whole life is a game. 1.2941 0.05675 102 78 18 6
1876 23,000 years ago my ancestors were eating meat right off the bone and now I just get kibble?? You call that progress?? 1.2941 0.05506 85 62 21 2
1877 My wife doesn't understand me. She's a cat person, I'm a dog person. 1.2941 0.06658 85 67 11 7
1878 I destroyed my master's living room but he didn't call me 'good boy' and give me a treat like you said he would. 1.2941 0.06223 85 65 15 5
1879 The needs of hounds know no bounds! 1.2941 0.05993 85 64 17 4
1880 I keep having this recurring dream where my owners adopt a kitten. 1.2941 0.06444 85 66 13 6
1881 I'm sorry! Whisker envy is not a treatable condition. 1.2941 0.05501 102 77 20 5
1882 I just can't seem to shake this feeling that everyone is taunting me. 1.2941 0.05506 85 62 21 2
1883 Frankly, I don't think this therapeutic relationship is going that well. 1.2941 0.05993 85 64 17 4
1884 I woke up with floppy ears and then I drank from the toilet. 1.2941 0.05755 85 63 19 3
1885 …..and there were NO HYDRANTS in the hallway… 1.2941 0.06223 85 65 15 5
1886 And is this “good boy” in the room with us right now? 1.2941 0.06223 85 65 15 5
1887 If I am man's best friend how come you guys get most of the head scratches? 1.2936 0.05263 109 82 22 5
1888 No, it's not a dog's life, and don't ask me how I feel about it. 1.2936 0.05422 109 83 20 6
1889 I’ve been suffering with this for a long time. Not sure how long in people years. 1.2936 0.05576 109 84 18 7
1890 It was hard tying my tie without opposable thumbs 1.2935 0.06093 92 71 15 6
1891 It's just going ruff. 1.2935 0.05893 92 70 17 5
1892 "I thought working with you would eliminate any problem of transference." 1.2935 0.06286 92 72 13 7
1893 Easy for you to say, you’ve got nine lives. 1.2935 0.05893 92 70 17 5
1894 It’s a pet theory of mine that it’s unhealthy to be a people pleaser. 1.2935 0.06093 92 71 15 6
1895 You’re the only one who plays with me, Doctor. 1.2935 0.05687 92 69 19 4
1896 I have no idea who thought YOU could be of any help to me! 1.2933 0.06785 75 58 12 5
1897 Indifference? What exactly is that? 1.2933 0.06514 75 57 14 4
1898 Cats’ licking themselves is so overrated, am I right? 1.2933 0.05623 75 54 20 1
1899 I don't have insurance — can I pay you with mice? 1.2931 0.04900 116 86 26 4
1900 ...But inside my body I'm really a cat!... 1.2929 0.05227 99 73 23 3
1901 My problems began when an indoor feline moved into our apartment. 1.2929 0.05607 99 75 19 5
1902 I mean, what sort of animal would enjoy the rat race? 1.2929 0.05788 99 76 17 6
1903 It's a recurring nightmare—my favorite chew toy goes squeak, squeak, squeak, then silence. 1.2927 0.05881 82 61 18 3
1904 I can stop barking up the wrong tree anytime I want. I just don't want to. 1.2927 0.06829 82 65 10 7
1905 I have a compulsion to chase cats. 1.2927 0.06373 82 63 14 5
1906 It all started when I posted a "Dog Lives Matter" meme. 1.2927 0.05881 82 61 18 3
1907 Why do they have to call them the dog days of summer? 1.2927 0.05382 123 96 18 9
1908 You are species biased 1.2927 0.06373 82 63 14 5
1909 I’m not so sure you are superior because you use a litter box. 1.2927 0.06373 82 63 14 5
1910 I think you are trying too hard to gain their attention. 1.2927 0.06605 82 64 12 6
1911 You can't understand. My mother was a bitch. 1.2927 0.06132 82 62 16 4
1912 I dream about chasing the mailman but never seem to be able to catch him. 1.2925 0.05356 106 80 21 5
1913 It all started when my mother fed me fancy feast. 1.2925 0.05838 106 83 15 8
1914 Do you ever feel like an imposter in your own body? 1.2923 0.07180 65 50 11 4
1915 Well, surprise, surprise, I'm back on the Milk Bones again! 1.2921 0.05582 89 66 20 3
1916 I've never been able to get the monogamy thing. 1.2921 0.06231 89 69 14 6
1917 I've always been more comfortable purring. 1.2921 0.06628 89 71 10 8
1918 You turn 6 and start to question everything. 1.2921 0.05806 89 67 18 4
1919 Lately, they’re all dog days. 1.2920 0.04477 113 81 31 1
1920 Well, I don't think that's the issue. I literally CAN'T sweat the small stuff. 1.2917 0.05719 96 73 18 5
1921 Anal fixation sounds so serious, just because I sniff butts. 1.2917 0.05908 96 74 16 6
1922 I was so loyal to her. You can understand that, right Doc? 1.2917 0.05322 96 71 22 3
1923 First, let me assure I never joined in when my buddies wanted to roam the neighborhood chasing cats. 1.2917 0.06091 96 75 14 7
1924 I told them I needed time on the couch" 1.2917 0.05719 96 73 18 5
1925 Unlike my other friends I like Pussy. 1.2917 0.06091 96 75 14 7
1926 In a prior life, I was a mouse. 1.2917 0.06091 96 75 14 7
1927 You have catnip. I got nothin' 1.2917 0.05719 96 73 18 5
1928 What if it doesn’t matter who the good boy is? 1.2917 0.06689 72 55 13 4
1929 Then he just stopped bringing out food after the bell. 1.2917 0.06976 72 56 11 5
1930 Have you thought that maybe she is just cat person. 1.2917 0.05112 96 70 24 2
1931 And I’m still having the recurring dream where I’m naked and caged in someone’s bedroom. 1.2913 0.04887 127 96 25 6
1932 I mean, what’s so bad about putting “cat/kitten” next to my name if that’s how I feel? 1.2913 0.05455 103 78 20 5
1933 It all started at the Westminster when nature called. 1.2911 0.06016 79 59 17 3
1934 I just wonder: is there any room for a vegan in this dog-eat-dog world? 1.2907 0.06159 86 66 15 5
1935 It’s a recurring nightmare where I actually catch the car! 1.2907 0.05933 86 65 17 4
1936 Is it transference if I have a bone to pick with you? 1.2907 0.06793 86 69 9 8
1937 Progress, but I'm still struggling with the fire hydrants issue. 1.2907 0.05698 86 64 19 3
1938 And then the guy sang, "You ain't nothing but a hound dog." 1.2907 0.05933 86 65 17 4
1939 Lately everyone I see looks like a cat. 1.2907 0.06159 86 66 15 5
1940 It feels like sometimes I’m just chasing my own tail, you know? 1.2907 0.05933 86 65 17 4
1941 I just feel like I am on a leash 1.2907 0.06159 86 66 15 5
1942 I feel we live in two different worlds. You like the branches and I like the trunks. 1.2907 0.05933 86 65 17 4
1943 My Tik Tok views are cratering. 1.2907 0.06159 86 66 15 5
1944 It’s normal for dogs to feel that way. Humans are emotionally needy, too. 1.2906 0.05014 117 88 24 5
1945 Aren't you just tired of the rat race? 1.2903 0.05634 93 70 19 4
1946 But think of the anxiety when all my verse is called doggerel? 1.2903 0.05203 93 68 23 2
1947 I'm conflicted with my instinctual urge to kill you. 1.2903 0.05423 93 69 21 3
1948 Even when I was a puppy, I felt that I really was a kitten. 1.2903 0.05838 93 71 17 5
1949 And why do you think you've been feline down recently? 1.2903 0.05838 93 71 17 5
1950 I no longer can hang out with my pals, after I told them I was seeing a cat. 1.2900 0.06079 100 79 13 8
1951 You couldn’t possibly under the pressure of trying to be a good boy. It’s simply not in your nature. 1.2900 0.05738 100 77 17 6
1952 I’m afraid I have a Fido complex. 1.2900 0.05911 100 78 15 7
1953 Sometimes I just want to shout, “Gretchen, stop trying to make ‘fetch’ happen! It’s not going to happen.” But I don’t need to tell YOU that. 1.2900 0.05911 100 78 15 7
1954 The moment I fear most is when it´s raining cats and dogs 1.2900 0.05911 100 78 15 7
1955 And so, you see, when I woke up I was a dog. 1.2897 0.05313 107 81 21 5
1956 And I still have the urge to push my nose in my poop. 1.2897 0.05790 107 84 15 8
1957 I just feel like I’m always chasing my tail. 1.2895 0.06706 76 59 12 5
1958 “I swear it was a cat behind the wheel of the last car I chased.” 1.2895 0.05869 76 56 18 2
1959 Patient's neediness borders on contemptible. 1.2895 0.06160 76 57 16 3
1960 The only time I really feel alive is when I play dead. 1.2895 0.06963 76 60 10 6
1961 During a chase, I need to distinguish cats from skunks. 1.2895 0.06706 76 59 12 5
1962 And then they all yell "Who let the dog out" and woof at me! 1.2895 0.05392 114 88 19 7
1963 Oh, why do I even bother coming here. We both know dogs and cats can't talk. 1.2895 0.05246 114 87 21 6
1964 What does "Mind your own business" even mean? 1.2895 0.06706 76 59 12 5
1965 How exactly would running across the highway during rush hour help me? 1.2893 0.04758 121 90 27 4
1966 Doctor, I hope you can understand that my need to please feels obsessive. 1.2892 0.05563 83 61 20 2
1967 No, I haven't tried chasing the laser pointer. 1.2892 0.05563 83 61 20 2
1968 It IS a big woof! 1.2892 0.06534 83 65 12 6
1969 Pack life interferes with self-actualization. 1.2892 0.06306 83 64 14 5
1970 I would like to transition to a cat. 1.2892 0.06068 83 63 16 4
1971 I just can't get you out of my mind. 1.2892 0.05821 83 62 18 3
1972 I had that dream again where it was raining us. 1.2892 0.05563 83 61 20 2
1973 I try to be cool an then someone throws a ball. 1.2892 0.06306 83 64 14 5
1974 So you're telling me I should bite them when I want more pets? 1.2892 0.05563 83 61 20 2
1975 And in another twist of the nightmare, it was raining men. 1.2889 0.06170 90 70 14 6
1976 What's this thing called a zipper? What's it for? 1.2889 0.05751 90 68 18 4
1977 And then they went off on the 6th of July. 1.2889 0.05751 90 68 18 4
1978 Sometimes,a rubber cigar is just a rubber cigar. 1.2889 0.05299 90 66 22 2
1979 Licking your problems won’t make them go away. 1.2889 0.05529 90 67 20 3
1980 A bone for your thoughts. 1.2887 0.05068 97 71 24 2
1981 I've never been allowed up on a couch before. 1.2887 0.05068 97 71 24 2
1982 Sometimes I don't even know who's a good boy anymore." 1.2887 0.06035 97 76 14 7
1983 You must think I'm barking mad. 1.2885 0.05744 104 81 16 7
1984 I know I'm screwed up, but you're a therapist. For God's sake, don't be catty! 1.2885 0.04864 104 76 26 2
1985 It bothers me so much that humans call it 'doggy-style' that I have developed performance anxiety 1.2885 0.06061 104 83 12 9
1986 Because it's always meow meow meow in my dreams, never bark bark bark. 1.2885 0.05409 104 82 16 6
1987 I don't feel like the real me is a cat person or a dog person. 1.2883 0.05020 111 83 24 4
1988 I think you just can't accept that I'm not a cat person. 1.2883 0.05181 111 84 22 5
1989 This will never work. Cat people just don’t understand dog people. 1.2878 0.04706 139 106 26 7
1990 I am sorry we have been picking on your family all these years. 1.2877 0.06315 73 55 15 3
1991 I give and I give and I give to this family, but Felix purrs once a day and suddenly he’s the hero. 1.2877 0.06315 73 55 15 3
1992 I’d recommend we go the traditional therapy route. I can’t teach an old dog new tricks. 1.2877 0.06891 73 57 11 5
1993 Everyone toys with me. 1.2875 0.06212 80 61 15 4
1994 My tail cannot wag in these pants. 1.2875 0.06212 80 61 15 4
1995 Please! Don’t get catty with ME. 1.2875 0.06702 80 63 11 6
1996 I feel like when I say "woof" you hear "meow" 1.2875 0.06462 80 62 13 5
1997 The kids would tease me...call me a pussy...and I liked it. 1.2875 0.05680 80 59 19 2
1998 I grew up in a house with no milkbones. 1.2875 0.06212 80 61 15 4
1999 With you, I sense it's more than just mere curiosity. 1.2875 0.05680 80 59 19 2
2000 I want to be more like you. 1.2875 0.05680 80 59 19 2
2001 Is it really too much to ask for a little empathy here? 1.2875 0.05680 80 59 19 2
2002 You aim to please - I get it. But why? 1.2875 0.06702 80 63 11 6
2003 A new career? I'm not like you. I can't just learn... 1.2874 0.05874 87 66 17 4
2004 I can’t stop self-diagnosing myself with cat-scratch fever. 1.2874 0.06097 87 67 15 5
2005 Ya,nobody cares. 1.2874 0.05874 87 66 17 4
2006 The turtleneck is much cooler than the shirt and tie . . . but I'll take the couch over the chair any day. The spiral notepad and pen are a nice touch. 1.2874 0.05874 87 66 17 4
2007 Can we avoid a counter-transference? 1.2874 0.06313 87 68 13 6
2008 I hear you purring over there... you ~ in your mock turtleneck. 1.2874 0.05400 87 64 21 2
2009 I know I’m man’s best friend, but is he mine? 1.2874 0.05642 87 65 19 3
2010 Yes,I did try giving them a dead mouse. 1.2874 0.06097 87 67 15 5
2011 I feel like you’re treating me like a pussy 1.2874 0.06097 87 67 15 5
2012 ..& that’d be 100 ducks 🦆. See you next week. 1.2874 0.05874 87 66 17 4
2013 We have proof you peed on Donald Trump's leg! 1.2872 0.05784 94 72 17 5
2014 Why do I get blamed for those messes by the table? Chester never gets blamed. He just purs and flares his tail and they shower him with love. 1.2872 0.05784 94 72 17 5
2015 I think I might need my catnip upped. 1.2872 0.05374 94 70 21 3
2016 Thanks for asking, but I'm fine. I only came in because I was dog tired. 1.2872 0.06167 94 74 13 7
2017 Ever since the Broadway show I've indentified as a cat. 1.2872 0.05157 94 69 23 2
2018 I'm being accused of sniffing around the office too much. 1.2871 0.06026 101 80 13 8
2019 Sometimes it feels like my whole life is just a series of New Yorker cartoons. 1.2871 0.05328 101 76 21 4
2020 Well...at least we don't have to worry about transference. 1.2870 0.05271 108 82 21 5
2021 What’s a seven year itch? Can flea powder work? 1.2870 0.05589 108 84 17 7
2022 On the Internet, everybody knows that you’re a dog. 1.2870 0.05589 108 84 17 7
2023 Lately, I’ve had this strange urge to bury my poop. 1.2870 0.05432 108 83 19 6
2024 This is the first time I’ve been allowed on the bed. 1.2870 0.05432 108 83 19 6
2025 I am walked, sheltered, petted and fed. How can you tell me to feel indifferent? 1.2857 0.06110 91 71 14 6
2026 In my dreams, I'm always wearing clothes. 1.2857 0.07126 77 62 8 7
2027 Sometimes I feel like I am just chasing my tail; I don’t suppose you ever feel that way? 1.2857 0.05507 84 62 20 2
2028 I just don't think you can really understand.... 1.2857 0.06239 84 65 14 5
2029 Its normal to sleep all day, but the feelings of not holding grudges, almost complete obediance, and the need to be in a group regularly, that has me more than a little concerned. 1.2857 0.06465 84 66 12 6
2030 Don't be a pussy 1.2857 0.06366 77 59 14 4
2031 It's not resistance. I just roll over and play dead. 1.2857 0.06005 84 64 16 4
2032 I love to torment cats. 1.2857 0.05618 98 75 18 5
2033 I prefer women's clothes but the artist refuses to draw me in them. 1.2857 0.05696 105 82 16 7
2034 Ok so they told you repeatedly to stay off the couch. 1.2857 0.06629 77 60 12 5
2035 I'm purring in my sleep and my wife is getting suspicious. 1.2857 0.05696 91 69 18 4
2036 I can jump. I can fetch. But I can’t understand women. 1.2857 0.06239 84 65 14 5
2037 I can't find the right neutered pronoun. 1.2857 0.06306 91 72 12 7
2038 Uh Uh Uh meow Uh Uh 1.2857 0.05533 105 81 18 6
2039 She said Meow 1.2857 0.06793 70 54 12 4
2040 After we talk,you can chase me around the room. 1.2857 0.05533 105 81 18 6
2041 It's been hard being a cat person. 1.2857 0.06005 84 64 16 4
2042 I’m depressed & losing my predatory instinct….I don’t even want to chase you around. 1.2857 0.05365 105 80 20 5
2043 I have trouble sharing my felines. I mean, my feelings! Sorry, was that a Freudian slip? 1.2857 0.06882 77 61 10 6
2044 Why don’t cats like you? Hmm… 1.2857 0.05191 105 79 22 4
2045 First session is on loyalty. 1.2857 0.06005 84 64 16 4
2046 Before we start, you've come to the right place. We are species-blind. 1.2857 0.05191 105 79 22 4
2047 I don’t see how you can be objective about this. 1.2857 0.05427 98 74 20 4
2048 You're my tenth referral. I'm not sure if I'm the problem. 1.2857 0.07126 77 62 8 7
2049 It all started when I was just a pup. 1.2857 0.05427 98 74 20 4
2050 I just don’t think I’m a good boy. 1.2857 0.05477 91 68 20 3
2051 I guess it’s just been a ruff year. 1.2857 0.06005 84 64 16 4
2052 You're fine. How am I? 1.2857 0.05507 84 62 20 2
2053 Transference is a bitch. (Or a "hitch, if "bitch not permitted.) 1.2857 0.05906 91 70 16 5
2054 What do you mean, I’m in your chair? 1.2857 0.05804 77 57 18 2
2055 Whatever happened to Doctor Maus?” 1.2857 0.05802 98 76 16 6
2056 I have been having nightmares of seeing cats 1.2857 0.05365 105 80 20 5
2057 For once in your nine lives, pay attention to me. 1.2857 0.05230 98 73 22 3
2058 I'm not comfortable talking about my felines. 1.2857 0.06793 70 54 12 4
2059 It sounds like you're a people pleaser. 1.2857 0.05906 91 70 16 5
2060 I’m not supposed to be up on the furniture. I don’t know how I feel about this! 1.2857 0.05477 91 68 20 3
2061 Ive always identified as a cat. I’m sick of having to be “on” all the time and be cute on command! I wanna sit on top of an unreachable height like the kitchen cabinets and hide for once! 1.2857 0.05295 112 86 20 6
2062 I’m in the dog house 1.2857 0.06110 91 71 14 6
2063 I’m tired of being such a people-pleaser 1.2857 0.06110 91 71 14 6
2064 I feel lower than a Dachshund." 1.2845 0.05020 116 88 23 5
2065 So you're saying deep down they actually do want me to pee on the carpets? 1.2843 0.05808 102 80 15 7
2066 I'm man's best friend, but who's MY best friend? 1.2843 0.05808 102 80 15 7
2067 Sounds like the psychedelics are working- so you’re saying I’m a cat and you’re a dog? 1.2843 0.05808 102 80 15 7
2068 You don't understand, Doc. In your line of work you're not expected to eat cat to succeed. 1.2843 0.06133 102 82 11 9
2069 I'm afraid of dying, but of course you wouldn't understand. 1.2842 0.05731 95 73 17 5
2070 What do you think your recurring dream of us falling from the sky means? 1.2842 0.05731 95 73 17 5
2071 No, it’s fine. Some of my best friends are cat. 1.2842 0.05325 95 71 21 3
2072 Honestly, I wish I could be like you and just not care 1.2842 0.05731 95 73 17 5
2073 We are going to have to work on more professional ways of marking your territory. 1.2841 0.06036 88 68 15 5
2074 That is, I am a cat in a dog's body. 1.2841 0.05587 88 66 19 3
2075 I've been chasing after the wrong things all my life. 1.2841 0.05348 88 65 21 2
2076 Just humor them into subservience 1.2841 0.05816 88 67 17 4
2077 I feel I'm pretty normal. I have one passion - the New Yorker cartoon and all their talking animals. Maybe it's getting to me. I don't know. 1.2840 0.06145 81 62 15 4
2078 I’ve always had this feeling that I don’t fit in…since I was a kitten, really. 1.2840 0.06145 81 62 15 4
2079 It's a dog-eat-dog world and I feel like I'm lunch. 1.2840 0.06391 81 63 13 5
2080 I think you should look less eager... try having more mystery. 1.2840 0.06145 81 62 15 4
2081 We are both alumni of the same Humane Society, yet I don’t understand why I have a “Master”and you have “Staff”. 1.2840 0.06628 81 64 11 6
2082 I can’t seem to overcome this desire to bite some of my colleagues. 1.2840 0.06391 81 63 13 5
2083 That dream where I chase you around the room is back. 1.2840 0.05889 81 61 17 3
2084 …and then I ate my own poop. 1.2840 0.06391 81 63 13 5
2085 I have nightmares in which I'm being chased by squirrels. 1.2838 0.07075 74 59 9 6
2086 If every dog has its day, so far this is the year of the cat. 1.2838 0.06241 74 56 15 3
2087 I keep having these dreams. About chasing you around the room! 1.2838 0.06808 74 58 11 5
2088 It's a recurrent nightmare -- I'm at the base of a tree, on all fours, howling at a pale, furry tail hanging down from a branch above. 1.2838 0.05616 74 54 19 1
2089 At least you’ve got nine lives. 1.2838 0.06241 74 56 15 3
2090 And then she said she’s not a dog person 1.2838 0.06531 74 57 13 4
2091 Do you have trouble convincing people to take you seriously? 1.2836 0.06991 67 52 11 4
2092 So I just told her, “Get over it. I’m a dog…I’m supposed to wag my tail!” 1.2836 0.06311 67 50 15 2
2093 I just worry that I’m too much of a people pleaser. 1.2828 0.05568 99 76 18 5
2094 The joy, the guilt, the expectation, the worry—I’m always just such a ball of emotions. Ball! Where’s my ball? 1.2828 0.05750 99 77 16 6
2095 But I can’t just ignore him. 1.2826 0.05642 92 70 18 4
2096 And then, everyone in the room is calling me a ‘bad boy’ for pooping on the carpet, and then I wake up. 1.2826 0.05850 92 71 16 5
2097 I just don’t know why my bite isn’t as bad as my bark. 1.2826 0.05850 92 71 16 5
2098 It was horrible doc. After my constant whimpering and whining she told me to snap out of it and to quit acting like a pussy. 1.2826 0.06051 92 72 14 6
2099 I…I’ve developed a taste for cat food. I’m so ashamed! 1.2826 0.05202 92 68 22 2
2100 in my world, we only live once !! 1.2826 0.05850 92 71 16 5
2101 'Can't stand this new puppy in the house! everybody thinks HE's so cut...but what about me ?? 1.2826 0.05850 92 71 16 5
2102 If I chase you, am I cured? 1.2824 0.05944 85 65 16 4
2103 But do you really think its possible to go through life never needing the approval of others? 1.2824 0.05944 85 65 16 4
2104 Um...woof? 1.2824 0.06613 85 68 10 7
2105 It's the "nothing but" part that hounds me. 1.2824 0.05703 85 64 18 3
2106 But, how does one, ‘Pay attention to your own needs not your master’s’? 1.2824 0.06175 85 66 14 5
2107 And is Squirrel in the room with us now? 1.2824 0.06613 85 68 10 7
2108 No, No… It’s not that… I’m just afraid one day I’ll act on it. Go for your throat. THEN where will I go!? 1.2824 0.05703 85 64 18 3
2109 I dreamt my mother was a cat, my father...even you, doctor... 1.2821 0.04982 117 89 23 5
2110 He throws the ball. I fetch. You're saying it doesn't have to be that way? 1.2821 0.05128 117 90 21 6
2111 Lie in a paper bag. Lie in a paper bag." Is that your solution to everything 1.2821 0.06803 78 62 10 6
2112 Loosen your tie and tell me your doggie-woes. 1.2821 0.06554 78 61 12 5
2113 I dreamed we changed places, but I still did all the talking. 1.2821 0.05741 78 58 18 2
2114 I'm just not sure chasing mailmen is really how I want to spend the rest of my life. 1.2821 0.05741 78 58 18 2
2115 I work like a dog all day, doc... and for what? Dry kibble in a bowl? Y'know, they could throw me a bone sometimes! 1.2821 0.05741 78 58 18 2
2116 I dreamed that I was walking to my office and suddenly realized I was naked. 1.2821 0.06294 78 60 14 4
2117 Well, this is humiliating! 1.2821 0.05443 78 57 20 1
2118 And in the dream, I’m being chased by the bone. 1.2821 0.06024 78 59 16 3
2119 The problem is you care too much. 1.2818 0.05500 110 86 17 7
2120 Sometimes I feel like I'm never going to have MY day. 1.2817 0.06401 71 54 14 3
2121 Even my wife thinks I’m a pussy. 1.2817 0.07002 71 56 10 5
2122 Life was great until my owners got a cat. 1.2817 0.06401 71 54 14 3
2123 I feel that I push too many relationships to metaphor. 1.2817 0.06401 71 54 14 3
2124 Have you tried existing in the liminal space between outside and inside? 1.2817 0.07002 71 56 10 5
2125 I always dreamed of having whiskers. 1.2816 0.05054 103 77 23 3
2126 Then this cat entered the room. I only did what was expected. 1.2816 0.05239 103 78 21 4
2127 If having a Pavlovian response involves a treat, I just don’t see the problem. 1.2816 0.05418 103 79 19 5
2128 I thought I had tried everything, and then I remembered that you guys specialize in past lives. 1.2816 0.05590 103 80 17 6
2129 I’ve been fighting the urge to run into traffic. 1.2812 0.05066 96 71 23 2
2130 We were crazy in love. My parents insisted, "No felines, only canines." We should have eloped, but ....... 1.2812 0.05482 96 73 19 4
2131 Well, I think cat whiskers have always been my trigger 1.2812 0.05278 96 72 21 3
2132 After four years of smelling rear ends and I still cannot find a match. 1.2812 0.05278 96 72 21 3
2133 I feel like I’m going in squirrels chasing these circles 1.2812 0.05678 96 74 17 5
2134 I don't want to be his best friend anymore. 1.2809 0.05533 89 67 19 3
2135 I resent being stereotyped, but what would you know about that? 1.2809 0.05977 89 69 15 5
2136 So it was announced that I got this big promotion, and one of my colleagues says, "do you want to celebrate by chasing squirrels" ? And I say "who do you think I am" ? Then it occurs to me I really don't know anymore... 1.2809 0.05759 89 68 17 4
2137 I don't know, Doc. Sometimes I just feel like my tail's wagging ME. 1.2809 0.05977 89 69 15 5
2138 I know, doc, its just that I'm so codependent! 1.2809 0.05051 89 65 23 1
2139 Have you ever felt like not wanting to retrieve anymore? 1.2809 0.05533 89 67 19 3
2140 I feel like I am always chasing my tail. You know what I mean? 1.2809 0.05759 89 68 17 4
2141 My bark is worse than my bite 1.2809 0.05977 89 69 15 5
2142 I guess I just care too much. 1.2809 0.05533 89 67 19 3
2143 If the grass is hot, have you tried going potty in a litter box? 1.2807 0.05503 114 90 16 8
2144 Now don't go scratch my nose if I say this... 1.2805 0.05827 82 62 17 3
2145 I fear I'm going to lose my job with the studio. I can't come up with a good chase scene. 1.2805 0.06322 82 64 13 5
2146 Why is it when I get home I’m always in the doghouse? 1.2805 0.06322 82 64 13 5
2147 I don't know why it is, they treat me like a dog at work. 1.2805 0.05827 82 62 17 3
2148 I thought I was man's best friend, and then he turned me out because his fiancee had two cats? 1.2805 0.06079 82 63 15 4
2149 I really would rather chase something..... 1.2805 0.05562 82 61 19 2
2150 I wish I could be more like you, and not always need to be pleasing everyone. Plus, I’d love to be able to purr. 1.2805 0.05285 82 60 21 1
2151 Wouldn’t this be considered a conflict of interest? 1.2805 0.05827 82 62 17 3
2152 It’s still so hard to accept that I’m allowed on the couch. 1.2805 0.06079 82 63 15 4
2153 Being loyal isn’t always good 1.2805 0.05562 82 61 19 2
2154 What do u mean by strong emotional ties, Doctor? 1.2805 0.05827 82 62 17 3
2155 I've tried going to a new park. I got me a new ball, even tried a frisbee. Every morning I look in the mirror and tell myself I'm such a good boy. So why do I still feel empty inside? 1.2804 0.05442 107 83 18 6
2156 ....so this time, I finally caught my tail....and then I woke up, and....well....now I can't help but feel that that's it. My life is over. 1.2800 0.05519 100 77 18 5
2157 I can't escape this overwhelming feeling of manipulation. 1.2800 0.05869 75 56 17 2
2158 ... and then my dad threw the tennis ball over the fence. 1.2800 0.05333 100 76 20 4
2159 My name? That’s spelled C E R B E R U S on the corporation stationary 1.2800 0.05519 100 77 18 5
2160 I didn't get enough attention as a puppy. 1.2800 0.05700 100 78 16 6
2161 What if I called you a cat ? How would you feel? 1.2800 0.05700 100 78 16 6
2162 Am I dreaming? 1.2800 0.07488 75 62 5 8
2163 My friends tell me you're the expert when it comes to catnip addiction. 1.2800 0.05869 75 56 17 2
2164 So tell me about this "leash" thing 1.2800 0.06454 75 58 13 4
2165 I have never even met my father, my mother is a bitch, my brother got killed chasing a car and my sister gave birth to six babies out of wedlock. 1.2800 0.05869 75 56 17 2
2166 I think it all stems from being the runt of the litter… 1.2800 0.05700 100 78 16 6
2167 I can't escape the feeling that my entire personality is just a manufactured representation of my owner's subconcious desires. 1.2796 0.05993 93 73 14 6
2168 But they keep telling me to stay OFF the couch! 1.2796 0.05376 93 70 20 3
2169 Honestly, I tried, but 'a complete lack of concern for anyone but myself''doesn't seem to work for me. 1.2796 0.05993 93 73 14 6
2170 Your mother sounds like a real bitch. 1.2796 0.05993 93 73 14 6
2171 Can you help me find the motivation to chase you under that chair? 1.2796 0.05376 93 70 20 3
2172 I'm not in touch with my inner cat 1.2796 0.05795 93 72 16 5
2173 Is it me or does it smell fishy in here? 1.2796 0.05154 93 69 22 2
2174 And how does it make you feel that you have only one life to live? 1.2796 0.05795 93 72 16 5
2175 I bring them dead birds, scratch up the sofa, and couldn’t be more aloof - so where’s my laser pointer playtime? 1.2794 0.06231 68 51 15 2
2176 I don’t understand why I need the “good boy” affirmation. You obviously don’t. 1.2793 0.05303 111 86 19 6
2177 It's right here in the DSM; "Brown Noser Syndrome. But a lot of your people have it. 1.2793 0.04985 111 84 23 4
2178 I know it's hard for you to understand, but I'm a people person. 1.2791 0.06111 86 67 14 5
2179 That's the part I don't get, doc. My owners are always yelling at the TV saying you're assigned a gender at birth, but they sure had no problem changing mine! 1.2791 0.05883 86 66 16 4
2180 Now that I have come out as a dog, I'm conflicted about the whole litter box/fire hydrent issue. 1.2791 0.05646 86 65 18 3
2181 I don't expect you to understand, but I think he's giving me the silent treatment. 1.2791 0.05646 86 65 18 3
2182 And the whole time everyone is posting about which way dogs would wear pants, no one ever thinks to ask the dogs how they themselves would like to wear them... 1.2791 0.06111 86 67 14 5
2183 If I'm being honest, I have trouble trusting even you. 1.2791 0.05398 86 64 20 2
2184 He never understood… He’s a good boy too! 1.2791 0.06111 86 67 14 5
2185 When I bite the mailman, the mailman is....me? 1.2788 0.05195 104 79 21 4
2186 And they call ME a pussy! 1.2788 0.05372 104 80 19 5
2187 Yes, I have CATastrophic problems! 1.2785 0.05679 79 59 18 2
2188 You’d think by now they’d know who’s their good boy. 1.2785 0.06480 79 62 12 5
2189 The dream is always the same: I am in middle of a bunch of strangers, all of whom are staring at me, and I am not wearing any pants. 1.2785 0.06224 79 61 14 4
2190 I don't understand, I pay for these sessions but still want to eat you 1.2785 0.05958 79 60 16 3
2191 That’s easy for you to say, Doctor, but try as I might I’ve never been able to land on my feet. 1.2785 0.06224 79 61 14 4
2192 Doc, I’m SO conflicted. If I go indoors they are very angry and berate me, but outside I’m praised and they collect it in a bag as if it’s a treasured prize! 1.2785 0.06480 79 62 12 5
2193 Do I look neurotic? Am I neurotic? Do I act neurotic? Should I be on medication? I can't control my tail. 1.2785 0.05958 79 60 16 3
2194 First they came for the dogs…. 1.2785 0.05679 79 59 18 2
2195 My owners puts all this pressure on me to speak but when I do, they don’t like what I have to say. 1.2785 0.06480 79 62 12 5
2196 I DONT WANT TO BE HIS BEST FRIEND! 1.2784 0.05815 97 76 15 6
2197 They say 'good boy' but I know I'm not. 1.2784 0.05433 97 74 19 4
2198 All day long I fetch. "Go get the stick! Go find the ball! Where is the bone?" Everywhere I go,Dogs enslaved in endless meaningless object pursuit! Do you have any advice how to handle this,Doc? #MyNewyorkercaptioncontest 1.2784 0.05815 97 76 15 6
2199 I’ve had a hard time finding a therapist who understands me. 1.2784 0.05231 97 73 21 3
2200 My mom was a bitch. 1.2778 0.06126 90 71 13 6
2201 It's a dog eat dog food world out there... 1.2778 0.06126 90 71 13 6
2202 In my dream last night I finally caught up with the car… 1.2778 0.06324 72 55 14 3
2203 Now tell me about your relationship with your mailman 1.2778 0.06007 72 54 16 2
2204 But I was never allowed on the furniture as a pup 1.2778 0.05703 90 69 17 4
2205 How can I NOT be a people-pleaser? 1.2778 0.06626 72 56 12 4
2206 Have you even seen how many followers Doug the Pug has?! I just thought by 6 years old, I would have accomplished more. 1.2778 0.05480 90 68 19 3
2207 And don't even get me started on cats." 1.2778 0.05235 108 83 20 5
2208 I don’t understand why they have to dress me up to go for a walk. 1.2778 0.05480 90 68 19 3
2209 And how did that make you feel? 1.2778 0.05703 90 69 17 4
2210 I recommend a 12-step program for dogs who wear clothing. 1.2778 0.04893 108 81 24 3
2211 Let go of the shame, Harold. Most dogs your age wet the bed. And actually, most cats do it on purpose. 1.2778 0.05235 108 83 20 5
2212 Why does “playing dead” always spark an existential crisis for me? 1.2778 0.06126 90 71 13 6
2213 I am not sure you can understand my cultural background enough to help me. 1.2778 0.05703 90 69 17 4
2214 Maybe you could prescribe me something stronger than catnip? 1.2778 0.05918 90 70 15 5
2215 It's a dog's life. 1.2778 0.05480 90 68 19 3
2216 You say they triple dog-dared you? 1.2778 0.05918 90 70 15 5
2217 I just feel bones don’t make me happy anymore 1.2778 0.05247 90 67 21 2
2218 And I can tell you about the mouse hole with complete doctor-patient confidentiality? 1.2772 0.05650 101 79 16 6
2219 Actually I just came in because it's raining cats and dogs out there. 1.2772 0.05822 101 80 14 7
2220 How do you mean, 'Get off the couch!'? 1.2772 0.05288 101 77 20 4
2221 Did you just laugh? 1.2771 0.05505 83 62 19 2
2222 Sometimes I feel like I'm just chasing my own tail. 1.2771 0.06015 83 64 15 4
2223 When they call me "Good boy", do I deserve it? And if I do, will I ever been anything else than a good boy? What about a "Great boy"? 1.2771 0.06255 83 65 13 5
2224 So do YOU think I'm prissy and self-absorbed? 1.2771 0.06255 83 65 13 5
2225 I came to you because of my unhealthy obsession with my owner 1.2771 0.06015 83 64 15 4
2226 It’s depressing when I get home from work and no one is excited to see me. 1.2771 0.05766 83 63 17 3
2227 -Imagine me trying to explain this to a human 1.2771 0.05766 83 63 17 3
2228 So you are saying belly rub is not your thing ? 1.2771 0.05231 83 61 21 1
2229 She keeps saying I need to get in touch with my feline side. 1.2771 0.06485 83 66 11 6
2230 Really, why can't we all just get along? 1.2766 0.05108 94 70 22 2
2231 So I'm thinking, why should cats get nine lives...no offence intended. 1.2766 0.05741 94 73 16 5
2232 I don't quite understand your last meow. 1.2766 0.04879 94 69 24 1
2233 I keep fantasizing that somebody’s out to get me. 1.2766 0.05741 94 73 16 5
2234 It has been a ruff week. 1.2766 0.05741 94 73 16 5
2235 I just don’t think I’ll ever find another pillow to love. 1.2766 0.06126 94 75 12 7
2236 When did you start wearing male clothing? 1.2763 0.06379 76 59 13 4
2237 I dreamt I was a poodle. 1.2763 0.05803 76 57 17 2
2238 I just can't seem to stop the rat race as well as you can. 1.2763 0.06649 76 60 11 5
2239 So Doctor, how many more sessions until I’m cured and can start chasing you? 1.2763 0.06098 76 58 15 3
2240 I’m just afraid we all really don’t get to go to hea…Nevermind you wouldn’t understand. 1.2763 0.05493 76 56 19 1
2241 So I thought maybe they’ll love me more if I learn to purr? 1.2763 0.06649 76 60 11 5
2242 And how would a Cat know what its like to be a dog in a dog-eat-dog world." 1.2759 0.05824 87 67 16 4
2243 I'm beginning to think that I'll never catch my tail. 1.2759 0.05590 87 66 18 3
2244 Your mother being a bitch, how did that make you feel? 1.2759 0.05590 87 66 18 3
2245 Wait...that squirrel I've been chasing is really my mother? 1.2759 0.06049 87 68 14 5
2246 I like milk bones… 1.2759 0.05824 87 67 16 4
2247 I mean am I really a "good boy"? Am I such a good, good boy? 1.2759 0.05824 87 67 16 4
2248 I’m jealous that I only have the one life. 1.2759 0.05590 87 66 18 3
2249 Every time I open my eyes I see a damn cat. 1.2759 0.06049 87 68 14 5
2250 So it's normal to plan the deaths of your owners? 1.2759 0.06049 87 68 14 5
2251 I don't know why I behave like an animal. 1.2755 0.05186 98 74 21 3
2252 I'm not sure if I'm a good boy or a bad boy. 1.2755 0.04979 98 73 23 2
2253 Every time we play fetch, I lose all self-esteem. 1.2755 0.05385 98 75 19 4
2254 I keep having the nightmare about becoming a human. 1.2755 0.05762 98 77 15 6
2255 So do I make another appointment or just chase you into your office? 1.2755 0.05577 98 76 17 5
2256 So do you think a cat scan will determine if it’s just puppy love? 1.2755 0.05762 98 77 15 6
2257 I know it's a cliche to blame everything on my mother but she really was a bitch. 1.2755 0.05577 98 76 17 5
2258 It’s that simple. I see a tennis ball, and I need to put it in my mouth. 1.2755 0.05186 98 74 21 3
2259 How could you possibly understand? 1.2755 0.04979 98 73 23 2
2260 We can pick this up again next week. The mouse is here for his 1 o’clock. 1.2755 0.05577 98 76 17 5
2261 So you believe you are a dog and that everyone else is a cat? 1.2755 0.05762 98 77 15 6
2262 It's like I am seeing cats everywhere. 1.2755 0.05762 98 77 15 6
2263 I have this nightmare, cats control everything. 1.2754 0.06811 69 54 11 4
2264 So, you're telling me that everything has always been my fault. 1.2752 0.05027 109 83 22 4
2265 Your advice to 'be your own best friend' isn't working out for me. 1.2750 0.05329 80 59 20 1
2266 But I'm a dog! 1.2750 0.05618 80 60 18 2
2267 Being defined as a “Good Boy” just isn’t as fulfilling as it once was. 1.2750 0.05893 80 61 16 3
2268 He’s always asking “Who’s a good boy” when I’m the only one in the room. What, am I invisible? 1.2750 0.06156 80 62 14 4
2269 I just can't let it go - who would steal my little canary? 1.2750 0.05618 80 60 18 2
2270 My last therapist said that if I denied my innate desire to chase cats, it would lead to depression, so . . . Can we run now? 1.2750 0.06156 80 62 14 4
2271 Why can't we all just get along? 1.2750 0.06156 80 62 14 4
2272 I feel like it's always pouring rain. Do you feel the same? 1.2750 0.06156 80 62 14 4
2273 I have fleas. 1.2750 0.06156 80 62 14 4
2274 …so I bit it, naturally. Turns out, it was my own tail! She just laughed. 1.2750 0.05893 80 61 16 3
2275 These days there might not be a right tree. 1.2750 0.05329 80 59 20 1
2276 I guess I was just expecting more outta the dog days, you know? 1.2750 0.05153 120 94 19 7
2277 Qualities we don't share? Well, starting with the Scout oath, there's Trustworthy, Loyal, Helpful, Friendly, Courteous, Kind, Obedient, Cheerful, Brave ... 1.2747 0.05861 91 71 15 5
2278 Help me, I'm living a dog's life. 1.2747 0.05649 91 70 17 4
2279 It's always, go fetch this or go fetch that. 1.2747 0.05649 91 70 17 4
2280 But am I really a good dog? 1.2747 0.05428 91 69 19 3
2281 ...and that's my pet peeve. 1.2747 0.05861 91 71 15 5
2282 It all started when my owner got a cat. 1.2747 0.05861 91 71 15 5
2283 I came to you because I have a furball fetish. 1.2745 0.05242 102 78 20 4
2284 I mean... every dog is supposed to have his day... right? 1.2745 0.05242 102 78 20 4
2285 It not about the bones, it's never been about the bones. 1.2745 0.05054 102 77 22 3
2286 It's not that I don't like dogs. I just happen to prefer cat tail. 1.2745 0.05424 102 79 18 5
2287 My biggest concern is that you can climb trees and I can’t . Why is that ? 1.2745 0.05242 102 78 20 4
2288 I dreamt I was a bird... 1.2745 0.05601 102 80 16 6
2289 How can I be like you? No begging and no reflexive salivation. 1.2745 0.05424 102 79 18 5
2290 Lately, I've just been chasing my tail.... 1.2742 0.07333 62 49 9 4
2291 It really is a dog-eat-dog world 1.2740 0.06248 73 56 14 3
2292 I see squirrels everywhere 1.2740 0.06546 73 57 12 4
2293 And then she attacked me and tried to claw my eyes out. What should I have done? 1.2738 0.05179 84 62 21 1
2294 The Labradoodles and Bernedoodles are a big clique at work. They bring their grain free food, fancy orthopedic dog beds, and the lavender scented shampoo smell makes me sneeze. In the olden days it used to be a Golden Retriever and Alpo world..... 1.2738 0.05952 84 65 15 4
2295 What bothers me most is she thinks I just lay around and sleep all day while she's gone. 1.2738 0.06189 84 66 13 5
2296 Looks like you’re the pussy here 1.2738 0.06189 84 66 13 5
2297 ... and then they told me that loyalty, obedience and affection weren't the traits they were looking for. 1.2738 0.05952 84 65 15 4
2298 Honestly, I think I’m having the dream again right now. 1.2738 0.06189 84 66 13 5
2299 Nothing's wrong-I just like getting to be on a couch. 1.2738 0.06416 84 67 11 6
2300 Please, tell me less about that. 1.2738 0.05449 84 63 19 2
2301 I'm afraid of monkeypox. 1.2737 0.05279 95 72 20 3
2302 'Twas the dog days of summer.... 1.2737 0.05687 95 74 16 5
2303 I had this awful dream,it was raining people. 1.2737 0.06068 95 76 12 7
2304 Hmmm. Excuse me did you say were chasing Pussy? 1.2737 0.05881 95 75 14 6
2305 I had it good -- back in my previous life when I was a cat. 1.2737 0.05687 95 74 16 5
2306 Yes, I know, he feeds me, he takes me for walks. But I don’t think he loves me anymore 1.2737 0.05062 95 71 22 2
2307 Your techniques are not working. My wife still says I’m too needy. 1.2737 0.05881 95 75 14 6
2308 My owner is transgendering. 1.2737 0.05487 95 73 18 4
2309 I keep having these strange dreams where my therapist turns into a cat. 1.2736 0.05110 106 81 21 4
2310 I bark a lot, can’t stop licking people, and eat food off their plates. 1.2736 0.05771 106 85 13 8
2311 I just get tired of everyone loving me so much. 1.2736 0.04931 106 80 23 3
2312 Let's just put it this way: my sex life has not been the cat's meow. 1.2736 0.04552 106 78 27 1
2313 Have you tried scratching the furniture? Is quite relaxing... 1.2736 0.05110 106 81 21 4
2314 Yes, but you must first learn to be a "good boy" to yourself. 1.2727 0.05535 88 67 18 3
2315 My family says I'm too trusting. 1.2727 0.05535 88 67 18 3
2316 I think the feelings of guilt began when he first asked me, "Who's a good boy?" 1.2727 0.05294 88 66 20 2
2317 Doc you don’t understand what it’s like to go through life constantly chasing your own tail and never catching a break. 1.2727 0.07012 66 52 10 4
2318 I'm just not ready for a pet human 1.2727 0.05294 88 66 20 2
2319 And one day I just looked in the mirror and decided I had enough of this dog eat dog world. 1.2727 0.05527 99 77 17 5
2320 I think you are fine, being antisocial is a normal trait. 1.2727 0.05931 66 49 16 1
2321 I just wish I could speak to someone who understood my problems 1.2727 0.05739 77 58 17 2
2322 You wouldn’t understand. It’s too much pressure to always be his best friend. 1.2727 0.06029 77 59 15 3
2323 I feel I’m too subservient and eager to please. Can you help me with that? 1.2727 0.04936 99 74 23 2
2324 Seriously, you just wouldn't get it. 1.2727 0.05535 88 67 18 3
2325 All the influencers are humans. 1.2727 0.05988 88 69 14 5
2326 It all started with the CAT scan 1.2727 0.06029 77 59 15 3
2327 The litter box? 1.2727 0.06029 77 59 15 3
2328 '"It's a dog's life'"- Really? What does that even mean?' 1.2727 0.05739 77 58 17 2
2329 My boss told me I’m the worst carnival barker he’s ever seen. 1.2727 0.05140 99 75 21 3
2330 I believe we're dealing with what we refer to as "runt of the litter" syndrome. 1.2727 0.05294 88 66 20 2
2331 Let’s go over”Man’s Best Friend”again.Hmm? 1.2727 0.05294 88 66 20 2
2332 ...squirrel! 1.2727 0.06671 66 51 12 3
2333 I can’t help but wonder Dr Cat, if we are working at cross purposes? 1.2727 0.05527 99 77 17 5
2334 Ok, what would you do if you actually caught the car you were chasing? 1.2727 0.05151 110 85 20 5
2335 So, you are the cat’s meow. . .’” 1.2727 0.05151 110 85 20 5
2336 well... my mother was a bitch 1.2727 0.06572 77 61 11 5
2337 My people have an indoor cat -- and I eat his poop. 1.2727 0.05311 110 86 18 6
2338 Did your father also have an issue with cats” 1.2727 0.06572 77 61 11 5
2339 They said I was barking mad but in fairness they were walking by outside on the sidewalk. 1.2727 0.05527 99 77 17 5
2340 No,I told him he couldn’t turn my dog house into a home office. 1.2727 0.04936 99 74 23 2
2341 Why do you think you were barking up the wrong tree? 1.2727 0.06306 77 60 13 4
2342 How can I expect a breakthrough in my obsession with death when my therapist looks forward to 9 lives? 1.2727 0.06572 77 61 11 5
2343 I'm feeling catatonic at the moment. 1.2719 0.04709 114 86 25 3
2344 I keep dreaming that I'm a dog. 1.2717 0.05377 92 70 19 3
2345 I feel like the enemy knows all of my secrets 1.2717 0.05804 92 72 15 5
2346 I guess I keep coming back because this is the only sofa I can sit n without feeling guilty. 1.2717 0.05377 92 70 19 3
2347 It's a dog eat dog world out there -- you wouldn't understand. 1.2717 0.04913 92 68 23 1
2348 'Let this be a good reason for you to not protect them, Mr. Barkk' 1.2717 0.05804 92 72 15 5
2349 You could consider being less of a people pleaser. 1.2717 0.05804 92 72 15 5
2350 I can't figure out how to deal with my species fluidity 1.2717 0.06007 92 73 13 6
2351 Ever since I was a puppy I felt it would be cool to be a cat 1.2717 0.06007 92 73 13 6
2352 So, you’re saying they’re still working remotely? 1.2717 0.05377 92 70 19 3
2353 I feel like everyone in my life is trying to eat me- except you 1.2717 0.05377 92 70 19 3
2354 I think my wife is having an affair. 1.2716 0.06089 81 63 14 4
2355 I hate it when they have a “Bring your pet to work day!” 1.2716 0.06089 81 63 14 4
2356 They say I'm a good boy, but I don't always believe it. 1.2716 0.06576 81 65 10 6
2357 And then she said that,deep down,she's always been a cat person. 1.2716 0.05830 81 62 16 3
2358 That's your advice, take catnaps? 1.2716 0.06337 81 64 12 5
2359 Why does the thermometer have to go THERE? 1.2716 0.05274 81 60 20 1
2360 Work like a dog. Hot diggity dog. Dog days…. It doesn’t stop. 1.2716 0.06089 81 63 14 4
2361 I tried your suggestions: pawing at them, ignoring them, but they still expect me to roll over. 1.2716 0.06089 81 63 14 4
2362 Sometimes the world is too domesticated for me. 1.2716 0.05830 81 62 16 3
2363 Sometimes I wish I could just run around naked without society judging me 1.2716 0.06337 81 64 12 5
2364 Doc, some days I wish I were you, so I can has cheezburger. 1.2714 0.06410 70 54 13 3
2365 I'm hoping talking like this will ease our species historical dysphoria. 1.2710 0.05240 107 83 19 5
2366 So you're saying the root of all my problems is because I never learned to crap in a box? 1.2708 0.06191 96 78 10 8
2367 My bite has become worse than my bark. 1.2708 0.05017 96 72 22 2
2368 At the office they treat me like a dog. 1.2708 0.05826 96 76 14 6
2369 Animal assisted therapy 1.2708 0.05635 96 75 16 5
2370 And this week my human signed up for TikTok. When will it stop? 1.2708 0.05231 96 73 20 3
2371 I don’t know why I feel the need to bury things. 1.2708 0.05231 96 73 20 3
2372 Honestly, I'd be happier if it were cat eat cat out there. 1.2708 0.05017 96 72 22 2
2373 I tried to be aloof and ignore them after leaving me home for an hour, but I just couldn't do it. 1.2708 0.05437 96 74 18 4
2374 Are you suggesting everything stems from my overdeveloped need to please? 1.2708 0.05635 96 75 16 5
2375 I have a sickness of cats chasing me. 1.2708 0.05635 96 75 16 5
2376 So is it fair for my wife to believe I've been unfaithful because there is cat litter in our bed? 1.2708 0.05635 96 75 16 5
2377 «You must think I’m nothin’ but a hound dog» 1.2708 0.05635 96 75 16 5
2378 It really is a dog-eat-dog world out there. 1.2706 0.05648 85 65 17 3
2379 I'm afraid you'll never believe that I'm a good boy. 1.2706 0.05394 85 64 19 2
2380 No, I loved my mother and father. I just hate my psychiatrist. 1.2706 0.05648 85 65 17 3
2381 My nightmares are of me returning as a human. 1.2706 0.06124 85 67 13 5
2382 I’m a cat in a dog’s body. 1.2706 0.05891 85 66 15 4
2383 Sometimes I just need someone to support me 1.2706 0.06124 85 67 13 5
2384 Doc, don't know why I feel more comfortable with you rather than someone of my own species. Can you help me? 1.2706 0.06348 85 68 11 6
2385 Everyone around me seems aloof and uncaring. 1.2706 0.06348 85 68 11 6
2386 Was that a good or a disapproving purr? 1.2706 0.06348 85 68 11 6
2387 A dog is a dog is a dog in his Brooks Brothers tie, shirt, pants and Nike walking shoes." 1.2706 0.05891 85 66 15 4
2388 It was hard growing up. I was one of seven and our mom's a bitch. 1.2706 0.06124 85 67 13 5
2389 To begin with, I think you should know that I’ve never known who my mother was. 1.2706 0.05648 85 65 17 3
2390 Scratching the furniture just doesn’t do it for me, Doc. 1.2706 0.05648 85 65 17 3
2391 I need to learn how to get back on my feet. 1.2703 0.05867 74 56 16 2
2392 So you DO think I'm barking up the wrong tree? 1.2703 0.06174 74 57 14 3
2393 I'm depressed because I only have one life to live...but you wouldn't understand. 1.2703 0.05867 74 56 16 2
2394 Where's Wes Anderson 1.2703 0.06174 74 57 14 3
2395 These anthropomorphic dogs just drive me nuts. 1.2703 0.06747 74 59 10 5
2396 It started when I realized I can't herd cats? 1.2703 0.06467 74 58 12 4
2397 The only appreciation I get, for all my efforts, is just a pat on the head and "Good Boy". 1.2703 0.05422 111 88 16 7
2398 I don't think you would understand. 1.2703 0.05422 111 88 16 7
2399 So Dr. Katz, can you tell me why I'm so doggone depressed? 1.2703 0.06467 74 58 12 4
2400 I've been having a ruff time; you told me things would be purrfect. 1.2703 0.06174 74 57 14 3
2401 I want to learn how to be more relaxed. 1.2703 0.05867 74 56 16 2
2402 Some days, I would rather just play dead. 1.2700 0.05478 100 78 17 5
2403 I think I’ve been catfished. 1.2700 0.05835 100 80 13 7
2404 Why are you, a cat, giving me, a dog, therapy? 1.2700 0.05835 100 80 13 7
2405 My owners put a fire hydrant in the middle of a litter box. 1.2697 0.05929 89 70 14 5
2406 I'm having trouble visualizing the mailman naked. 1.2697 0.05929 89 70 14 5
2407 I am a friendless man's best friend 1.2697 0.05709 89 69 16 4
2408 To tell you the truth, Dr. Schroedinger, I'm not sure whether I should be here or not" 1.2697 0.06140 89 71 12 6
2409 How could you lecture me about wasting my life when you are on your fifth with four more to go! 1.2697 0.05709 89 69 16 4
2410 I dream about chasing tennis balls and psychiatrists. 1.2697 0.05709 89 69 16 4
2411 How many times did I tell you to stop watching FOX news? 1.2697 0.06140 89 71 12 6
2412 It's awful Doc. My own father called me a sonofabitch 1.2692 0.06235 78 61 13 4
2413 Why do they insist on plastic bags on every walk? 1.2692 0.04970 104 79 22 3
2414 Every night I dream that I become a mouse 1.2692 0.05333 104 81 18 5
2415 I' embarrassed to admit it, but I'm in love with a cat. Lew Freeman, Monterey, VA lewfreeman@gmail.com 1.2692 0.06235 78 61 13 4
2416 I'd like to circle back to your castration complex. 1.2692 0.06496 78 62 11 5
2417 If you identify as a dog, you're a dog. 1.2692 0.05962 78 60 15 3
2418 they'd throw the ball, but when I go to look, it's not there! they never threw it! I'm starting to have trust issues. 1.2692 0.06235 78 61 13 4
2419 Why must I purr to get your attention? 1.2692 0.06235 78 61 13 4
2420 Maybe I'd be better off just going through life alone, and not caring. Like you guys. 1.2692 0.05962 78 60 15 3
2421 I feel a little guilty talking about the cat in this way to you 1.2692 0.06235 78 61 13 4
2422 Will you please stop purring! 1.2688 0.05327 93 71 19 3
2423 She swore that she wasn’t having an affair, but this morning I found a fur ball under our bed! 1.2688 0.05327 93 71 19 3
2424 Of course I have seasonal depression - it's been raining cats and dogs! 1.2688 0.05749 93 73 15 5
2425 My need for praise seems endless. How do you deal with that? 1.2688 0.05749 93 73 15 5
2426 And exactly where has being Man's Best Friend gotten you? 1.2688 0.05749 93 73 15 5
2427 I've been submissive too long. 1.2688 0.05542 93 72 17 4
2428 You can't understand what it's like to have such a bitch of a mother! 1.2687 0.06230 67 51 14 2
2429 I'm under so much pressure to man's best friend 1.2685 0.04671 108 81 25 2
2430 I hate to be cynical, but really... who IS a good boy? 1.2683 0.05220 82 61 20 1
2431 I mean, what really is a "good boy" after all? 1.2683 0.05768 82 63 16 3
2432 My wife and I fight like cats and dogs. Excuse the expression. 1.2683 0.05768 82 63 16 3
2433 I had that mousy dream again… 1.2683 0.05768 82 63 16 3
2434 This is not exactly what I thought the phrase “ reigning” cats and dogs meant . Nice suit by the way. 1.2683 0.05768 82 63 16 3
2435 She says "Phhhfffttt!" I say "Woof!" and it's all downhill from there. 1.2683 0.05501 82 62 18 2
2436 It's Rough, Rough out there. 1.2683 0.06023 82 64 14 4
2437 I'm actually quite fond of you. 1.2683 0.06268 82 65 12 5
2438 Do I feel compulsions? Well, I don't...wait...Please. please don't throw that pencil. 1.2683 0.06268 82 65 12 5
2439 Somehow this felt easier on Zoom. 1.2683 0.05768 82 63 16 3
2440 I’ve got to get a life. 1.2683 0.05768 82 63 16 3
2441 I don’t know why, but I hate cats. 1.2683 0.06268 82 65 12 5
2442 No offense doc, but I'm happier here because they never let me on the couch at home. 1.2683 0.06023 82 64 14 4
2443 To say I dislike all felines is far from the truth. I'm very fond of Cat Stevens. 1.2683 0.06268 82 65 12 5
2444 I just feel like I could use an emotional support human for once 1.2683 0.05768 82 63 16 3
2445 What do you mean that they are not really allergic?! 1.2683 0.05501 82 62 18 2
2446 Can’t believe Tabby got promoted ahead of me! Just know she’s been sleeping on the boss’s lap… 1.2680 0.05388 97 75 18 4
2447 I don't get that litter box thing. 1.2680 0.05388 97 75 18 4
2448 I feel like I'm nobody's best friend. 1.2680 0.04973 97 73 22 2
2449 Woof woof woof woof? Woof woof woof - woof. Woof? WOOF. 1.2680 0.05956 97 78 12 7
2450 How can I not be depressed? My mother called me a dog when I was born! 1.2680 0.05584 97 76 16 5
2451 Your problem is you need to start thinking like a cat 1.2679 0.05071 112 87 20 5
2452 I keep trying to show my human how to poo outside but he still has never gone. I’m worried time is running out. 1.2679 0.05526 112 90 14 8
2453 I just feel like a different species”. 1.2676 0.06004 71 54 15 2
2454 I felt bad. She looked a little like you. 1.2676 0.06330 71 55 13 3
2455 I hate you. Don't leave me! 1.2676 0.07221 71 58 7 6
2456 Why are us dogs always expected to work in the service industry..? To be honest doc, I’m not sure I even like people that much. 1.2676 0.05291 71 52 19 0
2457 It's just that I identify as a cat. 1.2674 0.05830 86 67 15 4
2458 Do you really think you can help me recover my cat-killing instinct? 1.2674 0.05341 86 65 19 2
2459 No matter how hard I try, I can't be aloof. 1.2674 0.06060 86 68 13 5
2460 I even tried hiding under the bed, just like you said. 1.2674 0.05591 86 66 17 3
2461 You know how, like, you *always* have to wait for Master to open the door so you can go out and poop? 1.2674 0.06060 86 68 13 5
2462 I didn't mean anything by it—my mother is in fact a female dog. 1.2674 0.05591 86 66 17 3
2463 My partner looked it up on the web and told me I suffer from clawstrophobia. 1.2674 0.06060 86 68 13 5
2464 I’ve always had trouble finding appropriate role models. 1.2674 0.06060 86 68 13 5
2465 Isn’t it about time you started chasing yourself? 1.2674 0.05830 86 67 15 4
2466 The thing is... Everyone says I'm a good boy. But I know that I'm not. I think... I think I'm a bad boy, Doc. I think I'm a very bad boy. 1.2673 0.05245 101 78 19 4
2467 'I'd rather a cat and mouse than a dog eat dog world.' 1.2673 0.04852 101 76 23 2
2468 I'm sorry, but I have to put it in my notes. You know you're not allowed on the couch. 1.2673 0.05052 101 77 21 3
2469 I keep having this really strange nightmare. 1.2673 0.05430 101 79 17 5
2470 I had a dream that I was chasing you. 1.2673 0.05052 101 77 21 3
2471 I just can’t seem to shake this feline. 1.2673 0.05430 101 79 17 5
2472 I got a bone to pick with you Doc. 1.2672 0.05101 116 91 19 6
2473 I always feel like the cats are judging me 1.2667 0.06102 75 58 14 3
2474 And... and then he whacked me with a rolled up newspaper! 1.2667 0.05653 90 70 16 4
2475 I still don't know who's a good boy. 1.2667 0.06391 75 59 12 4
2476 Hmm...I'm not sure I understand. Can you elaborate on this thing you call your "need to be liked"? 1.2667 0.05112 105 81 20 4
2477 The first step toward healing is acknowledging that your desire to be a people pleaser is an illness. 1.2667 0.05428 90 69 18 3
2478 I know I'm an old dog but I really want to learn some new tricks. 1.2667 0.05870 90 71 14 5
2479 So, doc. , is felinophilia a common condition? 1.2667 0.05653 90 70 16 4
2480 So, you think it might have been another dog that gave me ringworm? 1.2667 0.05428 90 69 18 3
2481 My problem is I keep on eating the cat poop. 1.2667 0.07187 75 62 6 7
2482 When can I have my tongue back? 1.2667 0.05653 90 70 16 4
2483 I dreamed I had nine lives. 1.2667 0.05870 90 71 14 5
2484 I try so hard to be obedient, but I just can't shake these urges to upturn garbage cans and chase cars. 1.2667 0.05653 90 70 16 4
2485 Normally I’m not allowed on the couch… 1.2667 0.06391 75 59 12 4
2486 I can't talk to dogs. 1.2667 0.05653 90 70 16 4
2487 Sorry I was late, Doc. It’s raining like, well, us out there. 1.2667 0.06391 75 59 12 4
2488 ... They DON'T?? 1.2667 0.05870 90 71 14 5
2489 ...and then I heard her tell Fido next door that HE was a good boy! All this time, right under my nose!! 1.2667 0.06932 75 61 8 6
2490 So why do you think your mother is a bitch?” 1.2667 0.06102 75 58 14 3
2491 No, your fears are not irrational. It is a dog eat dog world out there. 1.2667 0.04929 105 80 22 3
2492 Now, what's going on or does the cat have your tongue? 1.2661 0.05628 109 88 13 8
2493 Actually,your bite is worse than your bark! 1.2661 0.04988 109 84 21 4
2494 One word to describe my addiction Dr. Katz : BACON! 1.2660 0.05278 94 72 19 3
2495 I just don't think white collar is my thing, you know? 1.2660 0.05892 94 75 13 6
2496 I can’t shake this feeling, doc, that you just don’t like me. 1.2660 0.05695 94 74 15 5
2497 When did this all consuming need to please the humans start? 1.2660 0.05278 94 72 19 3
2498 …and in the dream I snub my master, and make him beg for my affection. I feel so ashamed. 1.2658 0.05614 79 60 17 2
2499 I can’t stop fetching things. 1.2658 0.05614 79 60 17 2
2500 I was fired as the Purina spokesman. 1.2658 0.06165 79 62 13 4
2501 What if you had only one life, one relatively short, ball-fetching, butt-sniffing life? 1.2658 0.05614 79 60 17 2
2502 You tell me I’m anthropomorphic. Is there a cure? 1.2658 0.06165 79 62 13 4
2503 My mother hated your mother. 1.2658 0.05896 79 61 15 3
2504 Shall we start with my fear of cats? 1.2656 0.07128 64 51 9 4
2505 I just feel like you'll never understand my world 1.2653 0.05340 98 76 18 4
2506 I no longer trust other dogs. 1.2653 0.05340 98 76 18 4
2507 I am not sure this is the right place to delve into my inferiority complex. 1.2653 0.05139 98 75 20 3
2508 I feel like you’re always trying to put me in a box. 1.2653 0.05901 98 79 12 7
2509 Okay, but, the British called the bank BARKlays. 1.2653 0.05340 98 76 18 4
2510 Ah yes, tell me more about this ‘rat race.’ 1.2653 0.05340 98 76 18 4
2511 Do you ever wonder if you're giving too much love? 1.2651 0.05707 83 64 16 3
2512 I feel like I've been lying here for seven hours. 1.2651 0.06201 83 66 12 5
2513 If the gang finds out I've been talking to a female, they'll rip my throat out. 1.2651 0.05444 83 63 18 2
2514 I feel like everyone just wants to take a swipe at me. 1.2651 0.05959 83 65 14 4
2515 Fido never felt right. Maybe, a Tiger or Felix is a better fit. 1.2651 0.04874 83 61 22 0
2516 Just once I’d like to be the chasee. 1.2651 0.05959 83 65 14 4
2517 Squirrel, squirrel, bone, squirrel, squirrels. 1.2651 0.06201 83 66 12 5
2518 Tell me about your Rescue Mom. 1.2651 0.05707 83 64 16 3
2519 This session has been pretty catastrophic. 1.2651 0.05707 83 64 16 3
2520 when you stop people pleasing, you can become cat 1.2651 0.05959 83 65 14 4
2521 It makes talking to you so much easier, now that I can get on the couch! 1.2647 0.06498 68 53 12 3
2522 I can't put myself in your shoes. 1.2647 0.05200 102 79 19 4
2523 Blah blah blah 1.2644 0.05771 87 68 15 4
2524 Sometimes it seems like the pharmaceutical companies are funding studies to make common differences in how people’s brains work seem like disabilities and illnesses that need their expensive drugs to manage. Also, I think I have a dog head. 1.2644 0.05998 87 69 13 5
2525 Gosh, I never thought about NOT chasing cats. 1.2644 0.05535 87 67 17 3
2526 My father? We haven't talked since I told him I'm living with a squirrel. 1.2644 0.05771 87 68 15 4
2527 I see a car go by and I just bolt… It’s like catnip to me. 1.2644 0.05535 87 67 17 3
2528 The Fat Cats won't play ball. 1.2644 0.05998 87 69 13 5
2529 Don't get me wrong, I've got nothing against cats, you know? 1.2644 0.05535 87 67 17 3
2530 I don’t mean to wag my tail. It just happens. 1.2644 0.05288 87 66 19 2
2531 Truth be told, only when I talk to you do I sense what I’m chasing after. 1.2644 0.05535 87 67 17 3
2532 Maybe it's the guilt about Whiskers but now everyone looks like a cat. 1.2642 0.05735 106 86 12 8
2533 It's a dog-eat-dog world out there, you wouldn't understand" Laurie Dickstein-Fischer, Needham, M 1.2642 0.05069 106 82 20 4
2534 I obsess that you are catty 1.2639 0.06850 72 58 9 5
2535 Have you tried not being a bitch about it? 1.2639 0.06850 72 58 9 5
2536 So... I'm supposed to just hold it? 1.2639 0.06850 72 58 9 5
2537 That was a catty remark, Doctor! There's no need to use foul language in describing my mother! 1.2639 0.06558 72 57 11 4
2538 I said sit, not lay down 1.2639 0.06558 72 57 11 4
2539 I think you care too much about what your owner thinks of you. 1.2639 0.05932 72 55 15 2
2540 Everything’s delivered these days! I’m only one dog! How can bark at all these threats to my family?! 1.2639 0.06253 72 56 13 3
2541 As a trans dog,I long to be a cat. 1.2637 0.05376 91 70 18 3
2542 I've never understood why the litter box was off limits and I was forced to go outside. 1.2637 0.05599 91 71 16 4
2543 I’m afraid I’ll never catch my tail. 1.2637 0.05599 91 71 16 4
2544 I’ll you Willy, this “recession” is hitting our treats. 1.2637 0.05813 91 72 14 5
2545 Everyone expects me to be a good boy and act responsible but I'm tired of chasing the things they throw at me 1.2637 0.06218 91 74 10 7
2546 Dr. I can’t remember where I buried my life’s savings! 1.2637 0.06019 91 73 12 6
2547 So you slept in your office 1.2637 0.05376 91 70 18 3
2548 Have you tried knocking it off the counter? 1.2637 0.05599 91 71 16 4
2549 Every day’s beginning to feel like just another day working for the man. 1.2637 0.05599 91 71 16 4
2550 I keep having dreams where both of us are falling from the sky. 1.2632 0.06588 76 61 10 5
2551 Categorically, I think you are being too dogmatic. 1.2632 0.06316 76 60 12 4
2552 If I bit off your mom’s tail would that be an Oedipus complex? 1.2632 0.05733 76 58 16 2
2553 I think I've made some progress. Being allowed up on the couch is a big step for me. 1.2632 0.05733 76 58 16 2
2554 I can't help it. But I just love cats 1.2632 0.06032 76 59 14 3
2555 I hate the rat race, but I love the treats. 1.2632 0.06316 76 60 12 4
2556 So, how long have been feeling like a dog 1.2632 0.05229 95 73 19 3
2557 Have you thought about why you are projecting all of your anger and hostility toward me? 1.2632 0.05837 95 76 13 6
2558 I still can't believe I missed out on dogecoin 1.2632 0.06849 76 62 8 6
2559 I was obviously happy to see you, but you didn't seem happy to see me. 1.2626 0.05292 99 77 18 4
2560 It’s not that I hate cats, it’s more of an avenue of irreconcilabililty I find myself on whenever I’m confronted by one; present company accepted of course. 1.2626 0.05668 99 79 14 6
2561 I have dreams of chasing you up a tree. What do you think that means? 1.2626 0.05094 99 76 20 3
2562 You ARE a good boy 1.2626 0.05483 99 78 16 5
2563 You wouldn't gaslight me, would you, doc? 1.2625 0.06350 80 64 11 5
2564 This session let’s work on your repressed love for felines? 1.2625 0.06096 80 63 13 4
2565 Does being on the couch mean I'm a 'bad dog' 1.2625 0.05553 80 61 17 2
2566 Sometimes I think we’ve lost our humanity. 1.2625 0.05831 80 62 15 3
2567 I'll be honest here, and then I sniffed her butt. 1.2625 0.06096 80 63 13 4
2568 Then I was told dogs were not allowed in medical school. 1.2625 0.06831 80 66 7 7
2569 Trans-fur-ence, you think? 1.2625 0.06350 80 64 11 5
2570 When I feel insecure, I chase. 1.2625 0.06096 80 63 13 4
2571 My mother was literally a bitch. 1.2625 0.06096 80 63 13 4
2572 Man’s best friend, they said. You don’t know what it’s like to be every man’s best friend. Every best man’s friend. So many men… 1.2625 0.06350 80 64 11 5
2573 Since Trump it really is a dog eat dog world! 1.2623 0.06974 61 48 10 3
2574 Yes, but that's 14 years in dog years. 1.2621 0.05512 103 82 15 6
2575 So… tell me why you don’t like me. 1.2621 0.05682 103 83 13 7
2576 Woof woof woof 1.2619 0.05896 84 66 14 4
2577 Am I really a "good boy?" If I were, they wouldn't keep asking, right? 1.2619 0.05115 84 63 20 1
2578 I’m concerned about the inevitable transference 1.2619 0.05648 84 65 16 3
2579 Why can't I pee inside like everyone else? It's not fair. 1.2619 0.05648 84 65 16 3
2580 But what if it's NOT dog eat dog out there? 1.2619 0.05115 84 63 20 1
2581 I feel like I’m always chasing after something, when it’s right in front of me. 1.2619 0.05388 84 64 18 2
2582 The cat's got my tongue. 1.2619 0.06135 84 67 12 5
2583 Perhaps if you showed me how to purr... 1.2619 0.05648 84 65 16 3
2584 This may sound strange but everyone is starting to look like cats. 1.2619 0.05388 84 64 18 2
2585 The catnip just isn’t working for me. 1.2619 0.06135 84 67 12 5
2586 You've probably already been analyzing me for years. 1.2619 0.05115 84 63 20 1
2587 I know you were highly recommended, but I just don't think we are a good match. 1.2619 0.05648 84 65 16 3
2588 How can you possibly understand, you've never had to play "fetch"? 1.2619 0.05648 84 65 16 3
2589 I have this thing with cats… 1.2619 0.06135 84 67 12 5
2590 I try to be loyal, but I still can't stop chasing cats. No offense intended" 1.2619 0.05648 84 65 16 3
2591 I'm certified hypoallergenic. 1.2617 0.05028 107 83 20 4
2592 ...and then i dreamt I was wearing the cat's pajamas, but maybe that means I think I AM the cat's pajamas? 1.2615 0.06308 65 50 13 2
2593 Balls of string.Balls of string. Balls of string. Balls of string. 1.2614 0.06153 88 71 11 6
2594 i had this weird dream that it was raining, and all of us were falling from the sky! 1.2614 0.05480 88 68 17 3
2595 I am not sure you have the right qualifications to help me. 1.2614 0.05236 88 67 19 2
2596 I have this terrible urge to chase you around the office, keep you hanging from the light fixture and then eat your lunch." 1.2614 0.05713 88 69 15 4
2597 Are you going to share your diagnosis, or has the cat got your tongue.” 1.2614 0.05937 88 70 13 5
2598 Do you think you would have succeeded in a cat-eat-cat world? 1.2614 0.05236 88 67 19 2
2599 I don’t know, Doc. Maybe I am barking up the wrong tree.” 1.2614 0.05480 88 68 17 3
2600 Let’s start with that bitch mother of yours. 1.2614 0.06564 88 73 7 8
2601 I don’t know, seems like most days I am just chasing my tail. 1.2614 0.05480 88 68 17 3
2602 - wuff wuff wuff wuff wuff wuff wuff wuff wuff wuff wuff - meow 1.2613 0.05232 111 88 17 6
2603 It would help if you let me chase you. 1.2609 0.06073 69 53 14 2
2604 And I have these crazy dreams about an alternate universe,where those dumb humans are in charge ... 1.2609 0.05756 92 73 14 5
2605 It's just so exhausting. With global warming, the Dog Day's of summer are just so much longer. 1.2609 0.05325 92 71 18 3
2606 I care too much about people. Can you help me?" 1.2609 0.05960 92 74 12 6
2607 Be an individual!" they say. But at the end of the day, I just want to follow the pack 1.2609 0.05325 92 71 18 3
2608 I'm not sure if I'm a dog person or cat person. 1.2609 0.05545 92 72 16 4
2609 Along with your given name, Felix, as well as your pathetic boot-licker existence, it is easy to explain those recurring dreams of feline independence. 1.2609 0.05756 92 73 14 5
2610 No, I really am a cat. You have genus dysphoria. 1.2609 0.04954 115 90 20 5
2611 You suggested Viagra. still, she left me for a Chihuahua 1.2609 0.05325 92 71 18 3
2612 If I have to listen to one more canine whimper about the car that got away… 1.2609 0.05545 92 72 16 4
2613 It really begs the question: who is wagging whose tail here? 1.2609 0.06414 69 54 12 3
2614 But that’s just it Doctor, I don’t have 8 more lives to live if this one doesn’t work out. 1.2604 0.05389 96 75 17 4
2615 The poor little creature. 1.2604 0.05782 96 77 13 6
2616 And then I realized that I may own every fire hydrant on the block,but you can’t pee on happiness. 1.2604 0.04966 96 73 21 2
2617 Catnip sounds so good right now. 1.2604 0.05182 96 74 19 3
2618 I usually recommend something shiny in these situations, but for you I think we should try something with some squeak to it. 1.2604 0.05782 96 77 13 6
2619 It's a dog-eat-dog world! 1.2603 0.06177 73 57 13 3
2620 I never thought a Cat would understand me! 1.2603 0.05861 73 56 15 2
2621 I have a recurring feeling that I am no longer man's best friend. 1.2603 0.05861 73 56 15 2
2622 I’m just having a hard time trusting those who say they want to help me 1.2603 0.05861 73 56 15 2
2623 I think I'm too much of a people pleaser. 1.2603 0.06177 73 57 13 3
2624 Repeat after me: ‘Disobey, turn the table.’ They’ll learn, my good boy. 1.2603 0.06177 73 57 13 3
2625 Dr Felix, I feel like a dog sometimes. Every time I get up on the couch my owner says, "Get down." 1.2600 0.05049 100 77 20 3
2626 'Ok, just say: "You're a good boy!" over and over, until the end of his hour.' 1.2600 0.05435 100 79 16 5
2627 It's a dog eat dog world, and I'm wearing Milk Bone underwear. 1.2600 0.05049 100 77 20 3
2628 The thrill of chasing is gone. 1.2600 0.05049 100 77 20 3
2629 ‘I can’t stop thinking of you as my alter ego’ 1.2600 0.05435 100 79 16 5
2630 They just can't accept me as trans-cat-trans-human. 1.2597 0.05963 77 60 14 3
2631 Maybe this was a mistake. I don't know what "Meow" means. 1.2597 0.05963 77 60 14 3
2632 You're right, Doc. Just went through the motions - obedience school, Best in Show - but it wasn't me. Not really. I'm tired of pretending, keeping it all inside. I just want my Me Time - do what I want for a change. What's wrong with that? 1.2597 0.06511 77 62 10 5
2633 I'm just tired of being a good boy you know? 1.2597 0.06243 77 61 12 4
2634 Excellent! You're no longer digging up the past 1.2597 0.06511 77 62 10 5
2635 I’m starting to suspect that you don’t understand where I’m coming from 1.2597 0.05963 77 60 14 3
2636 I know you've heard it a million times. My mother was a bitch. 1.2596 0.05465 104 83 15 6
2637 A Catscan!!!! Durrr ok. 1.2593 0.06029 81 64 13 4
2638 Sometimes I feel o give my affection too freely 1.2593 0.05205 81 61 19 1
2639 Dreams of mice, desire for catnip, tendency to claw at furniture, Hmmm - all normal behaviors. 1.2593 0.06029 81 64 13 4
2640 I felt I needed to get in touch with my felines. 1.2593 0.05768 81 63 15 3
2641 Outwardly I’m a male, but inwardly I’m a bitch. 1.2593 0.05768 81 63 15 3
2642 I am not in denial. I've just been barking up the wrong tree. 1.2593 0.06280 81 65 11 5
2643 Doctor, why does my bark not chase away the neighbor's cat? 1.2593 0.05768 81 63 15 3
2644 I’m confused. Am I a dog with a man’s body or a man with a dog’s head? 1.2593 0.06029 81 64 13 4
2645 I really didn’t think you would see me Doc. 1.2593 0.05493 81 62 17 2
2646 It's just...I mean, you never hear, "It's a cat eat cat world", ya know?" 1.2593 0.05483 108 87 14 7
2647 For my ‘Oedipuss complex, you’re highly recommended! 1.2588 0.06070 85 68 12 5
2648 My shoes are too tight! 1.2588 0.05333 85 65 18 2
2649 So you are suggesting, just act totally disinterested until they get close then swat at them? 1.2588 0.05589 85 66 16 3
2650 I think like a dog and I look like a dog , yet I find myself strangely attracted to you . I clearly need help 1.2588 0.05063 85 64 20 1
2651 All they ask me to do at work is "fetch, sit and rollover"! 1.2588 0.05835 85 67 14 4
2652 ….And why do you think you are feeling emasculated just now? 1.2588 0.05333 85 65 18 2
2653 But I don't want to treat my owner as an underling. I'm happy just loving him unconditionally. 1.2588 0.06070 85 68 12 5
2654 I saw Feline Rescue Center and thought I was going to get to see a leopard not a therapist. 1.2588 0.05835 85 67 14 4
2655 I'm boring you, aren't I? 1.2588 0.05589 85 66 16 3
2656 I’d feel pretty demeaned too if they kept calling me “good boy.” 1.2588 0.05333 85 65 18 2
2657 Oh boy,this is not going to go welll. 1.2588 0.05333 85 65 18 2
2658 I think I’m more of a cat person. 1.2588 0.05589 85 66 16 3
2659 I'm just tired of the dog eat dog world out there 1.2588 0.05589 85 66 16 3
2660 I'm terribly jealous of those with nine lives. 1.2584 0.05426 89 69 17 3
2661 Very interesting,you are starting to meow 1.2584 0.05656 89 70 15 4
2662 And then he said, "You're no longer my best friend." 1.2584 0.05426 89 69 17 3
2663 The wearing clothes mandate really gets to me. 1.2584 0.05185 89 68 19 2
2664 Next session I want to wear the cat mask. 1.2584 0.05878 89 71 13 5
2665 I think I'm just curious, but in the dream, I want to meow. 1.2584 0.05426 89 69 17 3
2666 You must stop caring about your people. 1.2584 0.05656 89 70 15 4
2667 After pleading self-defense in Fluffy’s death, the court ordered me here for psychiatric evaluation. 1.2584 0.05878 89 71 13 5
2668 Just a suggestion, don’t be so submissive. No need to sit up and beg. Try being aloof, it works for me. 1.2584 0.05185 89 68 19 2
2669 Knocking stuff off the counter didn’t make me feel better. 1.2581 0.05492 93 73 16 4
2670 Being a Feline, you might not understand how much my people like to BARK AND BARK LOUD! 1.2581 0.05275 93 72 18 3
2671 Sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever find out if I’m a good bot 1.2581 0.06874 62 49 10 3
2672 Deep down, I think I'm a cat person. 1.2581 0.05603 62 46 16 0
2673 This will shock you, but humans don't interest me much. 1.2581 0.05275 93 72 18 3
2674 The truth is, I’ve never been much of a dog person. 1.2581 0.05492 93 73 16 4
2675 I grew up thinking I was 'man's best friend'. And now...... here I am. 1.2577 0.04698 97 73 23 1
2676 Try to relax. Not everyone can be a cool cat. 1.2577 0.04922 97 74 21 2
2677 The Businessdoodle airing his pet peeves. 1.2577 0.05538 97 77 15 5
2678 My owner adopted a cat and it just stares blankly into space and ignores me. 1.2577 0.05135 97 75 19 3
2679 Are you sure it was the cat’s fault? 1.2577 0.05538 97 77 15 5
2680 I hate when Amazon sends stuff in multiple shipments. 1.2574 0.05200 101 79 18 4
2681 I can’t get over this feeling that I want to chase you around. Is it wrong that I feel that way? 1.2574 0.05387 101 80 16 5
2682 My father would be rolling around in his grave if he knew I was seeing you. 1.2571 0.06333 70 55 12 3
2683 Doc I need help, every time I go for my tail I end up spiralling 1.2571 0.05997 70 54 14 2
2684 Yes, e xtended adolescence --- I still watch Paw Patrol. 1.2571 0.06333 70 55 12 3
2685 If I'm really not man's best friend, then who is 1.2571 0.04494 105 79 25 1
2686 I have absolutely no clue who’s a good boy. 1.2571 0.07248 70 58 6 6
2687 Just since yesterday. You? 1.2571 0.06956 70 57 8 5
2688 Oh, fuck! 1.2571 0.05246 105 83 17 5
2689 Throw me a bone here,cat 1.2571 0.05246 105 83 17 5