Contest #812


Cartoon

812

The winning captions

These captions are chosen by The New Yorker.

  1. “You wouldn’t understand. I need people to like me.”
  2. “This is the only place I'm allowed on the couch.”
  3. “What happened to the mouse that came in before me?”


Name Value
Submission deadline 2022-07-31T19:25:00.000Z
Voting started -
Voting ended 2022-08-14T19:36:00.000Z
Finalists announced 2022-08-08T19:36:00.000Z
Magazine(s) announcing finalists issued August 15, 2022
Number of captions 5410
Number of responses 700760
Number of participants -


Dashboard

In this table, the "mean" means the empirically measured average funniness score when the "unfunny", "somewhat funny" and "funny" receive a funniness score of 1, 2, 3 respectively. "Precison" is the standard error of the mean, the standard deviation of the mean estimate. With that, a caption with an empirical mean μ and precision σ has true mean in the range [μ - 2σ, μ + 2σ] with 95% probability by the 68-95-99.7 rule assuming the responses are indepedent and identically distributed.

Rank Caption Mean Precision Total votes "Unfunny" votes "Somewhat funny" votes "Funny" votes
0 Pleasing people is all I know, but you wouldn't understand. 2.0186 0.01607 2531 804 876 851
1 It’s just so frustrating: every time I bring the ball the back, he just throws it again. 1.9373 0.01593 2409 816 928 665
2 It's easy for you to say; you always land on your feet. 1.9297 0.01570 2545 894 936 715
3 Also, they never even told me I was adopted. 1.9137 0.01631 2364 854 860 650
4 This isn’t exactly what I had in mind when I signed up to be a therapy dog. 1.9100 0.01633 2466 931 826 709
5 It's like you can't even sniff someone's butt anymore. 1.9078 0.01563 2615 967 922 726
6 I've started drinking out of the toilet again. 1.8989 0.01116 5400 2115 1716 1569
7 I'm asking a cat for help. Does that answer your question? 1.8963 0.01595 2537 964 872 701
8 It's always "who's a good boy?" and never "how's the good boy"? 1.8767 0.01744 1930 700 768 462
9 No one asks how I’m feeling, they just look at my tail and assume. 1.8760 0.01577 2315 827 948 540
10 Are you sure it's okay for me to be on the couch? 1.8717 0.01596 2377 891 900 586
11 Then one day, I asked myself... where does he get all these bones? 1.8710 0.01722 2101 807 758 536
12 Well, naturally I wouldn't expect you to understand what it means to have a bitch for a mother. 1.8707 0.01713 2282 930 717 635
13 Sometimes, I don't want to come when I'm called - you know? 1.8551 0.01557 2395 894 954 547
14 Are you sure that I’m allowed on the couch? 1.8442 0.01525 2581 1007 969 605
15 What do you mean? Of course I want to be fixed. That's why I'm here." 1.8437 0.01900 1727 694 609 424
16 It wags nonstop, but I just don't 'feel' happy. 1.8305 0.01586 2218 838 918 462
17 It's nice to have a place where I'm allowed on the couch. 1.8294 0.01445 2714 1040 1097 577
18 C’mon, we had my breakthrough. Where’s my treat? 1.8258 0.01540 2561 1039 929 593
19 I just don't understand why she had to bring H.R. into it. I mean, that's just the proper way to say hello. 1.8242 0.02694 933 412 273 248
20 She just left me,doc. And I didn't see her again for another five,maybe even six,hours. 1.8186 0.01865 1775 738 621 416
21 I don't think you understand the pressure of being his best friend. 1.8173 0.01604 2315 939 860 516
22 I've been moody, unfriendly, and sleeping 16 hours a day. And you say that's perfectly normal? 1.8118 0.01649 2280 961 787 532
23 What I really want to know is, am I a good boy? 1.8105 0.02066 1372 556 520 296
24 Your office is the only place I’m allowed on the couch. 1.8058 0.01453 2817 1164 1036 617
25 And then I wake up and it’s my own tail. 1.8056 0.01575 2371 972 888 511
26 Loving tuna. hating playing fetch, and total disinterest in humans made me realize I'm a cat trapped in a dog's body. 1.7959 0.01640 2362 1040 764 558
27 I'm always barking up the wrong tree. 1.7930 0.01295 3817 1698 1211 908
28 I consider him a friend, just not a BEST friend. 1.7926 0.01606 2165 875 864 426
29 So I brought her a half-dead mouse, just like you told me to, and she said I'm a bad dog. 1.7916 0.01601 2385 1029 824 532
30 I guess I'm just ready to be my own best friend. 1.7858 0.01713 2003 849 734 420
31 Why did she have to rub my face in it? I was just a puppy. 1.7854 0.01920 1640 709 574 357
32 Please don't tell me to get off the couch 1.7762 0.01580 2466 1097 824 545
33 But, is he my best friend? 1.7662 0.01993 1407 596 544 267
34 You know, half the time - I don't know what he's even saying! 1.7635 0.01722 1987 876 705 406
35 All I can think about is chasing you around the room. 1.7625 0.01631 2219 981 784 454
36 Nope. I still want to chase you. 1.7585 0.01532 2398 1034 909 455
37 I can’t help but wonder if she’ll ever see me as more than just a good boy 1.7556 0.01598 2062 856 854 352
38 And you were in my dream. And it was raining us. 1.7547 0.01845 1814 837 585 392
39 I can do Zen-like aloofness until someone throws a ball. 1.7543 0.01568 2324 1019 857 448
40 I think I'm a bad dog. 1.7501 0.01602 2237 991 814 432
41 I’m just tired of always being the good boy. 1.7463 0.02495 879 380 342 157
42 So I was a middle child - 1 of 10. And never really knew my father. 1.7434 0.01889 1602 716 581 305
43 Sometimes I feel you don’t understand a word I say. 1.7327 0.01867 1661 762 581 318
44 First it was sit, then lie down, and now you want me to pay for it!? 1.7313 0.01923 1656 789 523 344
45 She sat,but she didn’t stay. 1.7170 0.02091 1297 603 458 236
46 And then he saw another dog and said, ‘Aren’t you a good boy?’ as if I wasn’t even there. 1.7169 0.02094 1399 683 429 287
47 And please don't ring the bell when our time is up. It just makes me hungry. 1.7155 0.02380 1023 483 348 192
48 This is the only place I'm allowed on the couch. 1.7100 0.02082 1431 711 424 296
49 I know it's a problem! I mean look who I came to for help. 1.7089 0.02223 1144 538 401 205
50 And then he rubbed my nose in it. It was humiliating. It wasnt even mine! 1.7079 0.02221 1188 572 391 225
51 In this new dream, it's only raining cats. 1.7064 0.02257 1141 548 380 213
52 I dream I'm running through a field with a stick in my mouth and I'm completely naked. 1.7001 0.02308 1247 657 307 283
53 Excuse me, but are you purring? 1.6995 0.02322 1055 506 360 189
54 Who IS a ‘good boy’? 1.6990 0.02375 990 470 348 172
55 I know I look like a dog, but I identify as a human. 1.6987 0.02407 1039 516 320 203
56 It’s awkward because I’m his best friend, but to me he’s just a roommate. 1.6970 0.02335 1099 546 340 213
57 How do I tell him he's not my best friend? 1.6924 0.02281 1193 610 340 243
58 I’m usually not allowed on the couch 1.6895 0.02276 1182 602 345 235
59 And its not just fire hydrants and trees anymore. 1.6833 0.02378 1042 524 324 194
60 I can´t bark at strangers anymore, I even like postmen. 1.6824 0.02539 828 394 303 131
61 I destroyed my bed, now I have to lie in it. 1.6793 0.02804 711 349 241 121
62 …And it was then I realized fetch is nothing more than a symbol for the utter futility of the canine condition. 1.6785 0.03118 591 295 191 105
63 After my vet visit, I seem to have lost my sex drive. 1.6785 0.02428 1073 567 284 222
64 You wouldn't understand. I need people to like me. 1.6776 0.02457 1039 547 280 212
65 Well,sure, easy for you to say. You always seem to land on your feet. 1.6761 0.02418 1028 529 303 196
66 I keep telling myself it's just instinct, but the fact is I enjoyed it. 1.6742 0.02662 792 393 264 135
67 No,no. It wasn’t a Freudian slip. My mother really is a bitch. 1.6710 0.02648 924 501 226 197
68 The pressure to be a good boy is overwhelming for me. 1.6701 0.03341 491 242 169 80
69 His newspapers are all online and now I'm worried that the slippers are next. 1.6663 0.02794 818 443 205 170
70 Then I said to him, "Don't be such a pussy." Oh, wait... 1.6653 0.02776 750 384 233 133
71 First off. Sorry about your bonsai tree. 1.6650 0.03910 391 204 114 73
72 ...but deep down I know I'm not a good boy. 1.6609 0.02520 932 487 274 171
73 I need to stop living for them and ignore them like you. 1.6594 0.02547 922 486 264 172
74 I tried to be a good boy. I fetched, I sat, I heeled, but then they left that roast on the counter...... 1.6591 0.02555 921 487 261 173
75 Then I realized that he didn't actually throw the ball. And that's why I think I have trust issues. 1.6587 0.02620 879 466 247 166
76 But am I really a good boy? Why do they keep asking? 1.6582 0.02556 863 441 276 146
77 I mean, it's like he expects me to be his best friend! 1.6554 0.02634 830 431 254 145
78 I come home bone tired and they make me take them for a walk 1.6536 0.02860 687 353 219 115
79 It's just... If he really thinks I'm a good boy, why does he keep asking me who's a good boy? 1.6532 0.02773 767 405 223 139
80 but I only have one life to live! 1.6527 0.02928 645 329 211 105
81 I try to see the water bowl as half full, but it’s hard sometimes. 1.6492 0.02987 573 282 210 81
82 Easy for you to say. I have only one life. 1.6489 0.02716 786 414 234 138
83 I’m Canine but I identify as Feline 1.6485 0.02795 791 432 205 154
84 But what if I’m actually barking up the right tree? 1.6467 0.02840 719 380 213 126
85 My siblings and I were considered litter. 1.6436 0.03221 564 301 163 100
86 Deep down, I'm a cat person. 1.6399 0.03232 536 281 167 88
87 And you’ve never NOT run to the door when they get home? 1.6395 0.02996 602 310 199 93
88 I started drinking.... from the toilet again. 1.6358 0.02974 681 374 181 126
89 Lately she just doesn't seem interested in smelling my butt." 1.6355 0.03137 620 343 160 117
90 What happened to the mouse that came in before me? 1.6315 0.03220 597 335 147 115
91 As you can see, I'm making great progress on my impulse control issues. Sorry about last week. 1.6314 0.03253 510 266 166 78
92 "My head says he's coming back from work, but my heart says he's left forever." 1.6313 0.02888 670 356 205 109
93 As I'm a 'therapy dog'..... this is really embarrassing. 1.6283 0.03172 573 311 164 98
94 So they ask "who's a good boy?" and sometimes I don't even know anymore 1.6270 0.03235 555 303 156 96
95 Of course I'm anxious. I'm not even supposed to be on this couch. 1.6254 0.03185 598 335 152 111
96 You'e a cat person; I don't expect you to understand. 1.6243 0.02900 668 360 199 109
97 I find my relationships are delicate balancing acts between true unconditional love and the base need for a biscuit. 1.6234 0.03074 608 332 173 103
98 At first it was just a bandana, then with the sweaters and the booties, and next thing you know I’m working at citibank. 1.6232 0.03696 475 277 100 98
99 I’d really prefer to sit 1.6212 0.03026 586 310 188 88
100 And she just expects me to roll over. 1.6192 0.03198 562 309 158 95
101 So the bones I bury are my true feelings? 1.6170 0.03481 470 258 134 78
102 I feel an overwhelming urge to chase you around the room. 1.6169 0.02971 603 320 194 89
103 Best part of therapy is being allowed on the couch. 1.6162 0.03242 555 309 150 96
104 What do you mean "He doesn't own you. You own him"? 1.6157 0.03397 471 253 146 72
105 I hear it ten, maybe twenty times a day, but I just don’t FEEL like a good boy. 1.6156 0.02967 614 329 192 93
106 I only come to get up on the couch. 1.6131 0.03587 442 244 125 73
107 It’s always ‘who’s a good boy’ but never ‘how’s the good boy.’ 1.6131 0.03331 535 302 138 95
108 So I finally caught the car and you were right...I didn't know what to do with it. 1.6124 0.03261 534 298 148 88
109 I sometimes think of what my life could’ve been, if it wasn’t for the constant distraction of squirrels. 1.6122 0.03175 557 306 161 90
110 Don't you ever wish people would say it's raining and just stop there? 1.6111 0.03244 540 302 149 89
111 and after she showed me the box with the sand, you won't believe what she wanted me to do! 1.6111 0.03444 468 256 138 74
112 At least here I’m allowed on the couch. 1.6076 0.03438 474 262 136 76
113 When you say “dig deeper” is that a metaphor, or should the hole actually be bigger? 1.6067 0.03277 511 280 152 79
114 I've been struggling to accept the fact that my bark is not worse than my bite. 1.6063 0.03310 442 228 160 54
115 Oh sure, I wag my tail, but I'm just going through the motions. 1.6062 0.03248 480 253 163 64
116 You wouldn’t understand the constant pressure being ‘Man’s Best Friend.’ 1.6029 0.03199 544 302 156 86
117 Tell me, since when is it a crime to sniff butts? 1.6000 0.03472 480 273 126 81
118 I’m not like you doc, I’m worried I won’t land on my feet. 1.6000 0.03426 470 261 136 73
119 No matter how many times I bring back her toy, she keeps on throwing it! 1.6000 0.03145 570 320 158 92
120 Lately we've been fighting like... well, you know. 1.5993 0.03277 539 307 141 91
121 I find this sooo stressful! I'm not usually allowed on the couch. 1.5992 0.03388 504 287 132 85
122 Are you sure it is OK for us to be on the furniture? 1.5975 0.03434 487 277 129 81
123 The voice inside my head is yelling "GET OFF THE COUCH!" 1.5975 0.03831 400 230 101 69
124 And then I bring it to him AGAIN, and he just throws it back. I feel like he doesn’t even WANT the ball I’m bringing him, you know? 1.5966 0.03505 466 265 124 77
125 I feel like I'm constantly chasing something that I'll never catch. 1.5954 0.03341 435 229 153 53
126 Let’s cut to the chase. 1.5950 0.03366 479 266 141 72
127 They don’t know it’s therapy - I tell them I chase you for 50 minutes every Tuesday 1.5929 0.03470 479 275 124 80
128 This isn't what I was expecting when I volunteered to be a therapy dog! 1.5920 0.03766 424 249 99 76
129 I just found out I was adopted. 1.5918 0.03650 441 256 109 76
130 Why do they keep asking? I'm a good boy. 1.5880 0.03349 517 300 130 87
131 I was barking up the wrong tree. 1.5860 0.03542 401 218 131 52
132 I keep worrying whether, deep down, am I really a good boy? 1.5856 0.03491 444 250 128 66
133 They're coming back, right? You're sure they're coming back. 1.5854 0.03464 451 254 130 67
134 When he shouts "Lay down," not "Lie down," I want to rip his throat out. It comes from my mother. 1.5846 0.03634 467 281 99 87
135 That’s easy for you to say, you have nine of them. 1.5846 0.03275 467 254 153 60
136 I want the ball, but I don't WANT to want the ball. 1.5842 0.03850 392 229 97 66
137 For starters, I'm not the 'good boy' everyone thinks I am. 1.5822 0.03501 438 247 127 64
138 and then I started thinking, what if I'm not a good boy? 1.5815 0.03707 368 202 118 48
139 Do you ever wonder if you’re a good boy? 1.5814 0.03551 430 244 122 64
140 First, thanks for letting me on the couch. 1.5799 0.03517 438 249 124 65
141 Every night I lie awake , haunted by the question . . . who’s a good boy? . . . Is it me??? 1.5798 0.03602 445 261 110 74
142 Her last words were "Get Help", so here I am. 1.5792 0.03977 385 232 83 70
143 When they said I should see Dr. Katz, I just expected--well, I don't know what I expected. 1.5792 0.03663 404 230 114 60
144 Explain to me again what the purpose of the laser pointer is? 1.5791 0.04072 316 177 95 44
145 The trouble is, I don’t believe that I am a good boy. 1.5773 0.03935 362 210 95 57
146 Am I really a good boy or are they lying? 1.5765 0.03610 392 218 122 52
147 Sit!” “Stay!” “Fetch!” It’s just one demand after another! I can’t take it anymore 1.5764 0.03730 373 209 113 51
148 Would it kill you to at least look curious? 1.5747 0.03230 482 267 153 62
149 If I were a cat, I'd feel no need to explain anything. 1.5734 0.03965 361 212 91 58
150 I feel like my co-workers don't want to play ball. 1.5722 0.03697 395 227 110 58
151 This last year has felt like seven years…. 1.5719 0.04048 306 170 97 39
152 And...I'm really fighting the urge to chase you around the room right now. 1.5718 0.03729 376 213 111 52
153 ‘’And it’s like, I’m his best friend but he’s not mine.’’ 1.5701 0.03891 328 184 102 42
154 I no longer identify as canine. 1.5698 0.04120 344 206 80 58
155 They completely abandoned me for several minutes a day 1.5695 0.03721 367 206 113 48
156 I had that same dream again where I can’t find a fire hydrant. 1.5684 0.04137 329 194 83 52
157 My wife makes me go to the bathroom outside. 1.5684 0.04796 234 135 65 34
158 First off, I want to thank you for letting me on the couch. 1.5678 0.03693 391 225 110 56
159 I hope you work out better than my previous therapist, Dr. Squirrel. 1.5678 0.03675 391 224 112 55
160 If I'm his best friend, why is he sleeping with that woman? 1.5676 0.04054 340 200 87 53
161 Yes. It's about the squirrel. It's always about the squirrel. 1.5671 0.03778 365 208 107 50
162 I've always been a people pleaser. It's my tragic flaw. I don't know if you can relate. 1.5655 0.04059 313 178 93 42
163 I don't want to learn new tricks. Does that make me a bad dog? 1.5652 0.03604 391 221 119 51
164 Sometimes I wonder if I really am a good boy.” 1.5645 0.03805 349 197 107 45
165 First of all, thanks for letting me on the couch. 1.5634 0.03983 355 211 88 56
166 ‘If I had more than one life to live, I really could’ve made a difference’ 1.5629 0.03795 334 185 110 39
167 I would feel more validated if you'd stop purring while I share the trauma of my neutering surgery. 1.5608 0.03831 378 224 96 58
168 Are you sure it’s okay to be on the couch? 1.5600 0.04226 325 197 74 54
169 My wife says that all I think about is chasing tails. 1.5586 0.03853 333 188 104 41
170 Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy?" You just can't understand the pressure. 1.5583 0.04126 326 194 82 50
171 What am I thinking? that I would rather chew this couch than lie on it. 1.5582 0.03701 378 218 109 51
172 Actually, I'm feeling fine - it's just nice to have somewhere I'm allowed on the couch. 1.5581 0.04022 344 205 86 53
173 If I'm being honest, I'd rather have nine lives than learn new tricks. 1.5581 0.03775 353 201 107 45
174 I know you’re my therapist, but can you please stop saying, “it’s a dog eat dog world?” 1.5576 0.04065 330 195 86 49
175 For just once, I’d like to be the one in the relationship that throws the stick. 1.5556 0.03934 342 200 94 48
176 Some times it feels like I’m barking up the wrong tree 1.5552 0.04024 281 154 98 29
177 This is the only place I am allowed on the furniture 1.5549 0.03970 328 190 94 44
178 I'm afraid The New Yorker is losing interest in cartoons with dogs. 1.5528 0.03753 369 215 104 50
179 ...and then one day I went to lick my balls and they weren't there. 1.5524 0.04576 286 178 58 50
180 I have this recurring dream where nothing in The New Yorker is funny anymore. 1.5515 0.04164 359 228 64 67
181 Turned out my bite was worse than my bark. 1.5513 0.04588 263 158 65 40
182 First of all, my mother was a bitch. 1.5507 0.04015 345 208 84 53
183 I like everybody. Is that bad? 1.5497 0.04072 302 174 90 38
184 I just wish someone were excited when I come home. 1.5495 0.04106 333 202 79 52
185 My mom was a real bitch and my dad was a Great Dane so I think I’ve got some kind of Hamlet complex. 1.5490 0.04635 255 153 64 38
186 Explain to me again why it’s so wrong to want people to like me. 1.5478 0.04032 314 183 90 41
187 I don’t think it’s fair that you bill me in dog hours 1.5469 0.04209 309 186 77 46
188 She always makes me beg for it. 1.5467 0.03950 364 223 83 58
189 I mean, it’s their fault they left the shoes out, right? 1.5467 0.04332 300 183 70 47
190 I just never thought I'd be a therapy dog." 1.5466 0.04062 311 182 88 41
191 Maybe you'd find me more interesting if I were a bird. 1.5460 0.04091 337 206 78 53
192 He says wants someone younger, smaller, hypoallergenic. 1.5458 0.04368 273 161 75 37
193 Time's up? I'm on dog years. 1.5458 0.04306 273 159 79 35
194 She puts the garbage right where I can get and that’s my fault? 1.5457 0.03878 328 189 99 40
195 I play with cat toys when she leaves for work 1.5455 0.03851 352 208 96 48
196 I understand it's awkward, but you're the only one in-network 1.5448 0.04313 290 174 74 42
197 sometimes a bone is just a bone 1.5443 0.04076 327 197 82 48
198 But who's MY best friend? 1.5442 0.04025 351 216 79 56
199 No matter how many times I bring him the ball, it feels like it's never enough. 1.5436 0.04131 344 215 71 58
200 No,I'm not projecting...my mother really IS a bitch. 1.5434 0.03913 357 219 85 53
201 You can’t imagine how hard it is to fake happiness when all they want from you is to fetch a tennis ball again and again. 1.5425 0.04217 306 185 76 45
202 I know my time’s up but It’s raining and what if there’s thunder? 1.5417 0.04129 312 187 81 44
203 I think deep inside I'm a people pleaser, do you know what I mean? 1.5411 0.03914 316 182 97 37
204 I always like everyone. That can’t be normal. 1.5411 0.04264 292 175 76 41
205 And it was all the cat's fault - but I got blamed . . . 1.5410 0.04400 268 159 73 36
206 I know you don’t care, but can you at least pretend to listen? 1.5410 0.03989 329 196 88 45
207 I don’t think you understand. I have only ONE life to live. 1.5405 0.03882 346 206 93 47
208 I realize now my mother was a bitch. 1.5401 0.04479 274 167 66 41
209 I don't want to be a therapy dog. 1.5401 0.04006 337 204 84 49
210 That "good boy" crap is so demeaning: I'm a dog, and I have a name! 1.5398 0.04382 289 177 68 44
211 And then, it turned out she had the ball in the hand the whole time. 1.5391 0.04716 230 136 64 30
212 What happened to that mouse who was before me? 1.5382 0.04526 275 170 62 43
213 Well, I'm usually not allowed on the couch... 1.5378 0.03900 344 206 91 47
214 Am I really a good boy if they keep asking? 1.5374 0.04188 294 175 80 39
215 There must be more to life than being a good boy. 1.5366 0.04665 246 149 62 35
216 Sure, I'm his best friend, but who's MY best friend? 1.5360 0.04488 278 172 63 43
217 To begin with,my mother was a bitch. 1.5356 0.04663 267 168 55 44
218 I did what you said. I ignored her, brought her a dead bird and threw up on the carpet. She still would not let me eat off her plate. 1.5349 0.03893 301 171 99 31
219 So I fetched the ball and she threw it again. And again. And again. Eventually I stopped, I just don’t know what she wants anymore. 1.5345 0.04408 275 167 69 39
220 You mean I’m NOT a good boy? 1.5340 0.04060 309 184 85 40
221 I've been trying to take your advice and hold back, but when I hear that key in the door, it's like a little bell goes off in my head. 1.5340 0.04262 309 192 69 48
222 Your approach is surprisingly dogmatic. 1.5337 0.03839 341 202 96 43
223 He threw the ball, I saw him throw it, but next thing I know it's back in his hand as if nothing happened. It's been going on for years now and I still fall for it. Maybe on some level I want to be deceived. 1.5335 0.04018 343 212 79 52
224 I just found out I'm neutered. 1.5329 0.04342 304 191 64 49
225 So whaddya say, doc? Can you prescribe me one of those therapy humans? 1.5328 0.04316 259 151 78 30
226 I keep asking myself, "Who's a good boy? Who? Who?" 1.5321 0.04199 280 165 81 34
227 Can anyone really be a good boy? 1.5312 0.04856 224 136 57 31
228 I feel like I've wasted my whole life barking up the wrong tree. 1.5298 0.03890 319 187 95 37
229 Easy for you to say, Doc; but I only have one life to live. 1.5296 0.04162 321 200 72 49
230 I don't want to be obedient. You understand don't you? 1.5290 0.04173 293 176 79 38
231 How does it make me feel to chase a car? You can't be serious. 1.5288 0.04097 278 161 87 30
232 When she's not home, I like to wear my wife's flea collar. 1.5279 0.04454 269 165 66 38
233 Well, for starters, my mother was a bitch. 1.5270 0.04278 296 183 70 43
234 Sometimes I feel like all I’m doing is chasing my own tail. 1.5262 0.03711 325 186 107 32
235 I’m so tired of pretending, every time he comes home, that I’m happy to see him. 1.5261 0.04499 268 166 63 39
236 To this day, I don't know why he'd tell his teacher that. I mean, homework is not even edible. 1.5257 0.04508 272 170 61 41
237 Am I a good boy? 1.5257 0.03915 350 216 84 50
238 My mother was a bitch. 1.5256 0.04312 293 182 68 43
239 The New Yorker never chooses my caption. 1.5248 0.04581 282 182 52 48
240 I do that whenever I meet someone for the first time — it’s just how I say hello. 1.5229 0.03960 306 181 90 35
241 It seems like I’m always in the doghouse. 1.5219 0.04077 297 178 83 36
242 I do everything asked of me, but I’m always just ‘good’. 1.5217 0.03914 322 193 90 39
243 It's a dog's life. You wouldn't understand. 1.5214 0.04447 257 156 68 33
244 can we agree squirrels are the enemy here, at least? 1.5214 0.04500 234 138 70 26
245 Sometimes I lie awake wondering - what happens when I actually catch my tail? 1.5212 0.04353 259 155 73 31
246 Maybe I'm just not cut out to be a therapy dog. 1.5209 0.04534 263 164 61 38
247 I ain’t nothin’ but a hound dog. And I cry all the time. 1.5204 0.04089 319 198 76 45
248 So you’re saying when your person comes home you actually want to see them ? 1.5199 0.04110 277 163 84 30
249 I'm tired of just rolling over 1.5197 0.04572 229 136 67 26
250 Who is a good boy,really? 1.5191 0.04384 262 159 70 33
251 Sometimes I feel like I’m not actually that good a boy. 1.5190 0.04731 237 147 57 33
252 I know it sounds silly to you, but I care what the family thinks about me. 1.5189 0.04325 264 159 73 32
253 Must you purr when I describe my anxiety? 1.5189 0.04336 291 185 62 44
254 ...and so is this "squirrel" in the room with us right now? 1.5185 0.08804 81 54 12 15
255 Like you care. 1.5185 0.04909 216 133 54 29
256 I dreamt of chasing you again. 1.5180 0.03665 334 194 107 33
257 I don't want to be anyone's best friend. 1.5179 0.04262 280 171 73 36
258 I’m starting to think that my owners are cat people. 1.5177 0.04269 282 173 72 37
259 This feels strange, I'm not usually allowed on the couch. 1.5175 0.04753 228 140 58 30
260 My father was a barker, my grandfather was a barker… I just feel like I have something more complex to say. 1.5174 0.04388 259 157 70 32
261 Unlike you, I actually like humans. 1.5174 0.04456 259 159 66 34
262 Why am I so obsessed with being the good boy? 1.5171 0.04214 292 180 73 39
263 I feel like you're ignoring me. 1.5159 0.04515 252 155 64 33
264 Well, the even deeper question is why we're dressed like this. 1.5158 0.04350 285 179 65 41
265 All my life, I’ve just been striving to be a good boy. 1.5156 0.04133 289 175 79 35
266 All I want is to make them happy. Do you think I'm co-dependent? 1.5150 0.04755 233 145 56 32
267 I thought she stayed home more because she loved me, not because of a virus 1.5146 0.04485 274 174 59 41
268 Why doI have to wait till the end of the session for my treat? 1.5133 0.04203 263 156 79 28
269 In hindsight, peeing on the floor may have been a cry for help. 1.5126 0.04524 238 144 66 28
270 This isn’t working. Can I chase you? 1.5123 0.04206 285 177 71 37
271 If I'm really such a good boy, why does he keep questioning it? 1.5122 0.04489 246 150 66 30
272 Good dog. Bad dog. Sit. Fetch. Roll over. I tell ya it's enough to drive ya crazy. 1.5115 0.04249 262 157 76 29
273 Despite all the breakthroughs and help you’ve given me, I still find it very, very hard to resist the urge to murder you. 1.5112 0.04501 268 170 59 39
274 I feel it’s unfair that I only get one life to live. 1.5109 0.04364 274 171 66 37
275 He only pretended to throw the ball. 1.5106 0.04487 235 141 68 26
276 "I've been drinking from the toilet at the office." 1.5097 0.04755 206 123 61 22
277 He told me his wife is his best friend. 1.5092 0.04211 271 164 76 31
278 Okay, I'll lie down, but I won't roll over. 1.5089 0.04735 224 138 58 28
279 I know it was just a stick, but it was my stick! 1.5087 0.05476 173 108 42 23
280 But if I'm not his best friend, then... who am I 1.5071 0.04768 211 128 59 24
281 I think I’m too much of a people-pleaser. You ever feel like that? 1.5067 0.04835 223 140 53 30
282 Nobody understands that I'm a cat person. 1.5063 0.04500 237 144 66 27
283 He’s gonna know I was on this couch. 1.5063 0.04664 239 150 57 32
284 Well, my first corporate meeting was going absolutely great until some joker tossed a yellow tennis ball across the floor --- and you can imagine what happened next! 1.5059 0.04476 255 159 63 33
285 Both my parents were people pleasers too. 1.5057 0.04296 261 159 72 30
286 Do you know how much pressure it is to constantly be told you're a good boy? 1.5057 0.04373 263 163 67 33
287 But AM I a good boy? 1.5052 0.04862 194 116 58 20
288 It's always 'Who's a good boy?" never 'How's a good boy?' 1.5050 0.03870 301 179 92 30
289 Are you sure I'm allowed on the couch? 1.5049 0.05224 204 132 41 31
290 Then he said 'fetch', but he hadn't thrown the ball yet. 1.5046 0.05083 216 140 43 33
291 I’m tired of obeying people. I heard you can help with this issue. 1.5046 0.04920 218 138 50 30
292 I lick what I lick...is that so wrong? 1.5042 0.04446 238 144 68 26
293 I can't learn any new tricks. 1.5042 0.04497 240 147 65 28
294 So you’re saying I can ignore them and they will still pay attention to me? 1.5038 0.04433 266 168 62 36
295 Is it normal to want to bite your therapist? 1.5024 0.04850 209 129 55 25
296 I'm MAN'S best friend. Stop asking me about my mother! 1.5022 0.04591 225 137 63 25
297 My worse day is being left alone, also known as your perfect day. 1.5020 0.04402 247 151 68 28
298 I'm just not a people person. 1.5000 0.04503 222 133 67 22
299 What can I say? My mother was a bitch! 1.5000 0.04650 240 152 56 32
300 I can’t seem to just live for myself. I’m such a people-pleaser! 1.5000 0.04628 244 155 56 33
301 and then they just didn’t throw it. how am i supposed to trust them?? 1.5000 0.04903 206 128 53 25
302 Sometimes it feels like you're completely uninterested in me. 1.4980 0.04172 247 146 79 22
303 I chose you because I thought Dr. Katz was Jewish” 1.4979 0.04794 233 150 50 33
304 I'm normally not allowed on the couch. 1.4978 0.04668 231 145 57 29
305 I dunno. I probably am a people-pleaser. 1.4972 0.05055 181 110 52 19
306 You know, your constant reminders that you're allowing me on your couch aren't particularly helpful 1.4954 0.04700 218 135 58 25
307 I'm tellin' ya doc, every time they leave it's like they're not gonna come back! 1.4949 0.04999 198 124 50 24
308 We fight like ... well, you know. 1.4949 0.04161 297 189 69 39
309 I feel as if I’m chasing my tail all day. 1.4948 0.03986 289 176 83 30
310 I tried to be aloof,just like you said. But I really just wanted to lick her face! 1.4946 0.05054 184 113 51 20
311 This isn’t working out: I’m too eager to please and you’re just indifferent. 1.4932 0.04911 221 143 47 31
312 Why can’t they fetch for once? 1.4929 0.04999 211 136 46 29
313 Am I still a good boy, doc? 1.4928 0.04932 207 131 50 26
314 I don’t think you understand how tough it is to have just one life. 1.4927 0.04272 274 173 67 34
315 Sometimes I feel that I’m not a good boy. 1.4926 0.04123 270 165 77 28
316 "Sit, Fetch, Come, Go, Take it, Leave it, Roll over," ... I don't feel I'm living up to my full potential. 1.4924 0.04180 262 160 75 27
317 At home, I'm not allowed on the couch. 1.4923 0.04898 195 120 54 21
318 They keep telling me to ‘heal, heal.’ Don’t they know I want that too? 1.4923 0.05109 195 124 46 25
319 They're working me like a dog. I wouldn't expect you to understand. 1.4919 0.04499 248 157 60 31
320 I’m torn between unconditional loyalty to my master… and the Constitution. 1.4918 0.04591 244 156 56 32
321 They leave me no choice but to do it in public! People pretend not to notice, but believe me, they can’t look away! 1.4918 0.04517 244 154 60 30
322 You wouldn't understand this, Doc, but she keeps me on such a short leash! 1.4917 0.04418 240 148 66 26
323 I'm tired of being a good dog. 1.4916 0.04324 238 144 71 23
324 On top of all that, my new boss is a squirrel. 1.4914 0.04925 232 154 42 36
325 “He said I was his best friend. Then he up and goes to work.” 1.4899 0.04736 198 120 59 19
326 She kept calling me “a good boy” but it never felt like she meant it. 1.4890 0.04297 227 135 73 19
327 It's not the same – you always land on your feet! 1.4888 0.05299 178 113 43 22
328 I don't know why but I'm feeling a lot of innate agression towards you. 1.4884 0.04465 215 129 67 19
329 And in my performance review he kept asking, "Who's a good dog?" while looking right at me. I felt so vulnerable. 1.4879 0.04979 207 133 47 27
330 Who's a good dog? Who's a good dog?" I can't stand the pressure. Why doesn't anyone ever ask, "Who's a good cat? 1.4879 0.04979 207 133 47 27
331 I keep asking myself , "Who is a good boy?" 1.4877 0.05005 203 130 47 26
332 In my recurring dream, I'm chasing my analyst. 1.4865 0.04502 222 136 64 22
333 But how do I get HIM to stay? 1.4865 0.05148 185 117 46 22
334 What do humans want? 1.4848 0.06223 132 85 30 17
335 It's the Fifth of July, why do you think I'm here? 1.4847 0.04531 229 143 61 25
336 How do you do it doc? How can you just ignore them? 1.4847 0.04878 196 122 53 21
337 Maybe you could pretend to care.” 1.4844 0.04785 192 117 57 18
338 I feel so needy. You can't possibly understand. 1.4842 0.04935 190 118 52 20
339 And then I really was eating the homework. 1.4840 0.04727 219 139 54 26
340 I'm a cat trapped in a dog's body. I don't fetch, I don't accept the first dinner offered me, and I don't respond when called. 1.4834 0.04719 211 132 56 23
341 …and then I realized he HADN’T thrown the ball, and really I think that’s where my trust issues started. 1.4833 0.05254 180 115 43 22
342 'Who's a good boy?' 'Who's a good boy?' It never lets up. You have no idea. 1.4821 0.05404 168 107 41 20
343 I seem to want to please everyone all the time. Can you help me? 1.4813 0.04670 214 134 57 23
344 My biggest fear is winding up as a sad joke in the New Yorker. 1.4813 0.04809 214 137 51 26
345 That’s easy for you to say. It’s not called a “cat-eat-cat” world. 1.4813 0.04900 214 139 47 28
346 All this time I was chasing you, I was really just running away from myself. 1.4811 0.05069 212 141 40 31
347 I envy your indifference, doc. I'm a people pleaser. 1.4809 0.04445 235 147 63 25
348 What exactly do you mean when you say I need to be fixed? 1.4803 0.05676 152 97 37 18
349 On the Internet, nobody knows I'm a dog. 1.4800 0.05654 150 95 38 17
350 I wanna be a good boy, Doc, really I do. 1.4800 0.04502 225 140 62 23
351 And then I caught…the car. 1.4800 0.04646 200 122 60 18
352 … but how do I ignore them and still get treats? 1.4796 0.04601 196 118 62 16
353 I can’t sleep, I don’t eat, and I haven’t drunk from the toilet in weeks. 1.4795 0.04637 219 138 57 24
354 The mailman came again today 1.4793 0.05314 169 107 43 19
355 I just don't think his leg loves me back. 1.4793 0.04759 217 139 52 26
356 I"m beginnning to question whether or not I am a 'good boy.' 1.4792 0.04784 192 118 56 18
357 I keep having this recurring dream that I’m chasing you and we’re not wearing these stupid suits. 1.4787 0.05042 211 140 41 30
358 It’s always ‘that’s a good boy.’ But what if I want to be great? 1.4787 0.04813 211 135 51 25
359 Sorry I chased you around the room. I still need help with urges, right? 1.4783 0.04557 230 146 58 26
360 Frankly, Dr. Mittens, my mother was a bitch. 1.4781 0.04457 251 162 58 31
361 Doctor, I'd like to stress the fact that I only have one life. 1.4779 0.04617 226 144 56 26
362 Since when is it sexual harassment to hump someone's leg? 1.4776 0.04941 201 129 48 24
363 Call me old-fashioned, but some places should never be sniffed. 1.4774 0.04927 199 127 49 23
364 Weren't we happier without the suits? 1.4771 0.04560 218 136 60 22
365 I’m loyal to you as my therapist, but I somehow feel that you are aloof, emotionally distant, and—at times—even toying with me. 1.4769 0.04730 216 138 53 25
366 I’d be a lot less anxious if I just had nine of them. 1.4757 0.04496 206 125 64 17
367 So you’re saying if I just ignore them I’ll get even more treats?!” 1.4751 0.05052 181 114 48 19
368 Sure, your wife is a queen. Mine's a bitch. 1.4751 0.04781 221 144 49 28
369 The catnip you prescribed isn't doing a thing for me." 1.4742 0.04685 213 135 55 23
370 The truth is, I wouldn’t know what to do with my tail if I caught it. 1.4742 0.04637 213 134 57 22
371 Every other executive officer has a fire hydrant in their office 1.4740 0.05157 173 109 46 18
372 I want to be my own best friend. 1.4740 0.04839 192 120 53 19
373 The 4th of July is even worse than the doorbell. 1.4737 0.05332 171 110 41 20
374 Can you elaborate when you say, " You can lick this" ? 1.4734 0.04881 207 134 48 25
375 What if chasing pussy IS the entire point of life? 1.4729 0.04326 277 183 57 37
376 He keeps asking, “ Who’s a good boy?” I just don’t know! The pressure has been getting to me lately. 1.4727 0.05543 165 108 36 21
377 I worry that you’ll just scratch the surface 1.4722 0.05071 180 114 47 19
378 Because this is the only place I'm allowed on the couch. 1.4718 0.05801 142 91 35 16
379 I think you can understand why I'm reluctant to tell you anything. 1.4714 0.04339 227 140 67 20
380 What's wrong with me? Nobody ever wants to smell my butt! 1.4712 0.04913 191 121 50 20
381 I’m too much the people pleaser. 1.4706 0.05047 187 120 46 21
382 And you’re actually sad when they leave??? Interesting. Very interesting 1.4706 0.05159 187 122 42 23
383 Doc, I don't think you'll ever understand my problem with obedience. 1.4702 0.05200 168 106 45 17
384 The Supreme Court worries me, we're next, you know. 1.4693 0.05152 179 115 44 20
385 How the heck do our shoes stay on? 1.4686 0.04428 239 153 60 26
386 Have you tried pretending you don’t know your name 1.4684 0.05796 158 106 30 22
387 I suppose I would be willing to try a litter box 1.4683 0.04817 205 132 50 23
388 Now that you mention it, I might very well be barking up the wrong tree. 1.4683 0.04717 205 130 54 21
389 I had that dream again where I'm on stage without clothes and someone keeps yelling, "Squirrel"! 1.4681 0.05301 188 126 36 26
390 He threw the ball, but when I turned around, it was still in his hand. 1.4677 0.04770 186 115 55 16
391 But do I rely on their approval too much? 1.4676 0.04541 216 136 59 21
392 What if it's me and not the mailman? 1.4675 0.05617 154 100 36 18
393 But deep down, I don't feel like a good boy. 1.4670 0.04961 197 128 46 23
394 Tell you about my mother? Well, she’s real bitch of course …” 1.4670 0.04470 227 144 60 23
395 Even now I feel an overpowering urge to chase you, Doctor. 1.4667 0.04732 210 135 52 23
396 Don't take this the wrong way, but then she called me a pussy... 1.4653 0.04767 202 129 52 21
397 and it’s like, but what if this time they really don’t come back? 1.4650 0.04956 200 131 45 24
398 So you're saying that all these years I've been barking up the wrong tree? 1.4649 0.04749 228 152 46 30
399 Sit. Stay. Roll over. The pressure to perform really gets to ya, doc. 1.4644 0.04346 239 152 63 24
400 Get ON the couch, you say! Get OFF the couch, they say! 1.4640 0.04497 222 141 59 22
401 I don’t know about your mother, but mine was a bitch! 1.4633 0.05131 177 114 44 19
402 There are some days I don’t feel like a walk. 1.4624 0.04889 186 118 50 18
403 Why? I lick 'em because I can lick 'em, that's why. 1.4623 0.05024 199 132 42 25
404 Is it wrong that I want to chase my therapist? 1.4619 0.04907 197 128 47 22
405 Thanks for pretending to care. 1.4611 0.05006 180 115 47 18
406 Nor, I'll wager, have you ever been accused of eating anyone's homework. 1.4606 0.05403 165 108 38 19
407 Fetch this, fetch that. I’m not even a retriever. 1.4605 0.04648 215 139 53 23
408 Please stop asking if I’m a good boy. 1.4605 0.04601 215 138 55 22
409 I’ve always felt like the last pick of the litter 1.4603 0.04773 189 119 53 17
410 This is the only place I’m allowed up on the furniture. 1.4601 0.05167 163 103 45 15
411 Doc, I see cats everywhere! 1.4598 0.04932 174 109 50 15
412 Me chasing you in my dreams is ok, isn’t it? 1.4592 0.05081 196 131 40 25
413 Are you actually writing any of this down or is that a laser pointer you’re playing with? 1.4588 0.05478 170 114 34 22
414 I just can’t stop rolling over. 1.4588 0.04797 194 124 51 19
415 Sure, I shake paws but the whole time I'm thinking "Can I smell your butt. 1.4588 0.05068 194 129 41 24
416 this is the only couch I don't feel guilty lying in 1.4587 0.04538 242 161 51 30
417 I’m told ‘get down’ so often, it’s no wonder I’m down. 1.4586 0.05225 181 120 39 22
418 Do you think I'm too emotionally available? 1.4586 0.05283 181 121 37 23
419 It's like some days "Good Boy!" just isn't enough, you know? 1.4579 0.04663 214 139 52 23
420 ...till one day I found out that I was adopted" 1.4573 0.04972 199 132 43 24
421 What if my bark isn’t worse than my bite? 1.4571 0.04531 210 133 58 19
422 I'm not allowed on the couch. 1.4571 0.04430 210 131 62 17
423 So what happens when I just don’t feel like being a ‘good boy’ anymore? 1.4570 0.04826 186 118 51 17
424 I just need to be told I'm a good boy every once in a while, you know? 1.4565 0.04864 184 117 50 17
425 So, you think I’m too eager to please? 1.4564 0.04317 241 155 62 24
426 I keep having this recurring nightmare that the mailman is chasing me... 1.4564 0.05592 149 97 36 16
427 All I ever wanted was to be a therapy dog, not a dog in therapy. 1.4563 0.05736 160 109 29 22
428 Last week you told me to take control of my life, to mark my territory. And I did. And that landed me in the doghouse. Honestly, sometimes I wonder if you have my best interest at heart. 1.4561 0.05194 171 111 42 18
429 You sniff one butt at an office party, and everyone acts like they don't know you anymore. 1.4561 0.05515 171 116 32 23
430 Am I really "a good boy?" 1.4560 0.04902 182 116 49 17
431 I am licking myself more than usual. You are an expert. Can you help me? 1.4556 0.05102 169 108 45 16
432 Sometimes I get the feeling you just don't care. 1.4554 0.04435 213 134 61 18
433 If anyone can help me land on my feet, it's you. 1.4552 0.05871 145 97 30 18
434 some mornings, i wake up, take a good long look in the mirror and wonder if i really am a good boy 1.4550 0.04758 222 149 45 28
435 I feel I should be chasing you... 1.4545 0.04686 187 117 55 15
436 Yes doctor, I am fighting the urge to chase you. 1.4545 0.04807 187 119 51 17
437 Things have been ruff. 1.4545 0.04624 187 116 57 14
438 Ok,yes,I admit it,I hate cats. 1.4541 0.04525 207 131 58 18
439 It’s like, I know I’m a good boy, but I just need constant reassurance. Does that make me needy? 1.4536 0.04567 194 121 58 15
440 Well it’s easy to blame my mother. She was a bitch. 1.4529 0.05215 170 114 37 19
441 It's worth the $85 an hour to be allowed to sit on the couch 1.4528 0.04645 212 138 52 22
442 I fantasize about chasing you. 1.4524 0.05123 168 108 44 16
443 Somehow, Doc, I can't help but feel like you're silently judging me. 1.4522 0.05455 157 103 37 17
444 I only have one life to live. 1.4516 0.04943 186 121 46 19
445 What kind of sicko would leave a headless mouse on my doorstep? 1.4516 0.04926 217 149 38 30
446 He abandoned me again today. 1.4515 0.04743 206 135 49 22
447 If I can just know how you get all the attention without even trying” 1.4513 0.04491 195 121 60 14
448 Pants make my tail hurt. How about you? 1.4511 0.05157 184 123 39 22
449 This may just be transference, but I'd love to chase you. 1.4503 0.05057 171 110 45 16
450 I'm a cat person. 1.4502 0.04756 211 140 47 24
451 You don't understand what it's like to never land on your feet. 1.4500 0.04679 180 112 55 13
452 I was fine, until they insisted that I dress the way they dress. 1.4500 0.04689 200 129 52 19
453 I haven’t slept since Timmy fell down the well. 1.4497 0.05168 169 110 42 17
454 I've chased all my past therapists away. 1.4497 0.05589 149 98 35 16
455 Do YOU feel like there is a point to bringing the ball back? 1.4494 0.04977 178 115 46 17
456 I’ve always felt like a poodle inside. 1.4492 0.04495 187 115 60 12
457 I just feel like we’re speaking a different language 1.4490 0.04757 196 127 50 19
458 I'm beginning to think you don't relate to me. 1.4485 0.05187 165 107 42 16
459 I don't care if Marvin is a cat, I can't help my attraction to him. 1.4485 0.04902 194 128 45 21
460 Maybe it's my anxiety talking, but when they leave, do we ever really know they'll be back? 1.4483 0.05443 145 93 39 13
461 I have to "stop seeking approval?" How do you even DO that? 1.4481 0.05234 183 124 36 23
462 May I please just cut to the chase? 1.4477 0.05297 172 115 37 20
463 But on the inside I was howling. 1.4472 0.05280 161 105 40 16
464 And then I just started licking. 1.4472 0.06131 123 81 29 13
465 Of course, I blame my mother. She was a bitch. 1.4467 0.05796 150 102 29 19
466 I’m sensing a lack of empathy from you. 1.4464 0.05188 168 110 41 17
467 I just long for the old days when chasing you up a tree didn't require me to make an appointment. 1.4462 0.05170 186 126 37 23
468 I never really got over being house trained. 1.4462 0.04717 195 126 51 18
469 What do you mean, 'is this my first life?' 1.4457 0.05038 184 122 42 20
470 You're saying I'm far too loyal? 1.4457 0.04978 184 121 44 19
471 So you say my dreams of being a cat are merely delusions of grandeur? 1.4450 0.04957 191 127 43 21
472 I've had Lab Tests. Is this my Cat Scan? 1.4444 0.06022 126 83 30 13
473 Why is it that every time she says 'Drop It!' I just can't do it? 1.4444 0.05254 162 106 40 16
474 First they let me in their bed, then they start feeding me their food. Now look at me. 1.4444 0.05467 144 93 38 13
475 If you say, perrrrrrfect, one more time I am outta here. 1.4444 0.06022 126 83 30 13
476 'Best' friend is a lot of pressure. Some days, I just want to be an 'okay' friend, you know. 1.4444 0.05106 162 104 44 14
477 Pavlov?! That name rings a bell… 1.4438 0.05558 169 117 29 23
478 It’s like the squirrels are all laughing at me from the trees 1.4438 0.05365 169 114 35 20
479 Can you take me out for a quick walk before we continue? 1.4437 0.05688 151 102 31 18
480 I get that, but who’s my best friend? 1.4437 0.05244 142 89 43 10
481 I am not sure if you can relate to my need for people to like me. 1.4433 0.04891 203 137 42 24
482 If there's any time left in this session, I'd like to spend it chasing you 1.4432 0.04837 185 123 44 18
483 And I have to check the RESCUE box on all of my applications. 1.4432 0.04776 185 119 50 16
484 It may be white, but it's still a collar 1.4432 0.05267 176 119 36 21
485 I've lost my will to roll over. 1.4431 0.04775 167 104 52 11
486 I just can't seem to keep my nose out of other people's business. 1.4430 0.04958 158 99 48 11
487 Sure, I’m man’s best friend, but who’s mine? 1.4429 0.05669 140 92 34 14
488 He didn't even really throw it. 1.4429 0.05390 140 89 40 11
489 And then I was left alone for, like, the whole day! 1.4427 0.05751 131 85 34 12
490 I just can’t help myself; I gotta chase that tail. 1.4421 0.04686 190 122 52 16
491 Why not "great boy"? 1.4420 0.05910 138 93 29 16
492 It was then I realized I had been adopted 1.4420 0.04850 181 117 48 16
493 Do you have to purr? 1.4417 0.04481 206 132 57 17
494 I have "Good Boy" imposter syndrome. 1.4417 0.05301 163 108 38 17
495 I keep hearing “your Man’s best friend”…but it’s got me thinking who’s mine 1.4407 0.04992 177 116 44 17
496 All day long, I hear, "who's a good boy?" But nobody ever answers the question. Am I a good boy? Will I ever be a good boy? 1.4404 0.04749 193 126 49 18
497 I keep having this nightmare where the car is chasing me. 1.4404 0.04861 193 128 45 20
498 What even is a 'good boy'? 1.4403 0.05397 159 106 36 17
499 I'm beginning to worry there's no farm upstate. 1.4402 0.05151 184 125 37 22
500 I bare my soul and all you do is purr! 1.4400 0.04629 200 130 52 18
501 Can't you at least feign interest? 1.4398 0.04868 166 105 49 12
502 The numbers are discouraging. Your nine lives, our dog years. 1.4396 0.04766 182 117 50 15
503 My father? My father was a son-of-a-bitch! 1.4393 0.05007 173 113 44 16
504 What’s so wrong with being a people pleaser? 1.4393 0.05007 173 113 44 16
505 I asked for a therapy dog. 1.4390 0.04908 164 104 48 12
506 So, when I caught my tail, it wasn't the joyous experience everyone said it would be. 1.4390 0.05204 164 108 40 16
507 I have trouble accepting that I have one master but you have multiple servants. 1.4389 0.05055 180 120 41 19
508 I mean, she'll sometimes wag her tail - and I love that. But no, I've never been able to actually make her purr. 1.4387 0.05344 155 102 38 15
509 There’s a lot of pressure being man’s best friend. 1.4385 0.04916 187 124 44 19
510 When did they stop calling you a good boy? 1.4385 0.05982 130 87 29 14
511 I'm sick of the office, Doc. I want to do my business in the yard. 1.4382 0.05033 178 118 42 18
512 Sorry to get all emotional, this is my first time on the couch 1.4379 0.05295 169 114 36 19
513 Loyalty isn't what is all cracked up to be...I want respect. 1.4379 0.05160 169 112 40 17
514 Of course I ate it. Wouldn't you? 1.4375 0.05297 160 106 38 16
515 First off, how come I never get to be aloof. 1.4375 0.04744 176 112 51 13
516 How do I make my tail stop wagging me? 1.4372 0.04698 199 131 49 19
517 I’m just not comfortable talking about my felines yet. 1.4371 0.05525 151 101 34 16
518 It’s never “Who’s a great boy.” 1.4368 0.05117 174 116 40 18
519 It’s always ‘good dog’, never great dog. I mean, what’s a pooch gotta do? 1.4366 0.05516 142 93 36 13
520 My mother was a b**** 1.4364 0.05389 165 112 34 19
521 I admit it, I don't pick up after myself. 1.4360 0.04958 172 112 45 15
522 You will never know what it’s like to have a bitch for a mother 1.4359 0.05470 156 105 34 17
523 But what if deep down i'm in fact not a good boy? 1.4355 0.04753 186 121 49 16
524 …and it’s raining cats. There I wake up”. 1.4354 0.05293 147 95 40 12
525 They just don't seem to think I'm a good boy anymore... 1.4351 0.05123 154 99 43 12
526 I keep chasing the frisbee, but I don't know why. 1.4350 0.04857 177 115 47 15
527 In fact I do identify as a cat. 1.4345 0.05316 168 114 35 19
528 How's it feel to finally get on the couch? 1.4342 0.05253 152 99 40 13
529 I wish I had nine lives, rather than dog years. 1.4341 0.04633 182 116 53 13
530 I feel that you're not the least bit interested in what I have to say. 1.4337 0.05628 166 117 26 23
531 It’s always “who’s a good boy?” and never “how are you feeling?” 1.4335 0.05265 173 118 35 20
532 I blame my mother, that bitch. 1.4333 0.06232 120 81 26 13
533 It’s always “Who’s a good boy?” I just don’t feel seen. 1.4333 0.06897 90 59 23 8
534 I knew you could never understand 1.4332 0.04912 187 125 43 19
535 I've tried, really tried, but I am simply incapable of being aloof. 1.4331 0.05443 157 106 34 17
536 Doc, let's cut to the chase! 1.4328 0.04767 201 135 45 21
537 Is it even possible to be a good boy these days? 1.4323 0.05098 155 100 43 12
538 At first I thought it was just a belly rub. 1.4318 0.05320 176 122 32 22
539 I’m really more of a cat person than a dog person. 1.4314 0.05227 153 100 40 13
540 I wish she'd just throw me a bone sometimes, you know? 1.4311 0.04915 167 108 46 13
541 Cats think they’re so smart and want to run my life. 1.4310 0.04981 174 115 43 16
542 They leave in the morning and they’re just gone for hours! 1.4309 0.04967 181 124 38 19
543 Sometimes chasing your tail just means you like chasing your tail. 1.4309 0.05029 181 122 40 19
544 It all started when they started dressing me up for Halloween“ 1.4307 0.05159 137 86 43 8
545 What makes you think I'm too eager to please? 1.4306 0.05088 144 91 44 9
546 Why do I feel like I have to please everyone? 1.4306 0.05545 144 96 34 14
547 It’s called Stockholm syndrome 1.4305 0.05520 151 102 33 16
548 No, I'm not 'feline' fine. 1.4304 0.05264 158 105 38 15
549 Sorry for the late start. And I apologize for chasing you around your office. 1.4304 0.05415 158 107 34 17
550 I really feel like I'm taking control, and then they throw a stick and I'm back to square one again... 1.4303 0.05102 165 109 41 15
551 I feel sometimes that you’re more interested in that mouse hole across the room than you are in me. 1.4302 0.04944 179 119 43 17
552 He was very clear, the barking continues, no promotion. 1.4297 0.06144 128 88 25 15
553 Sometimes I think loyalty is overrated. 1.4296 0.05231 142 97 33 12
554 Trust you? You won't even let me sniff your butt. 1.4294 0.05132 170 114 39 17
555 My wife and I just fight like cats and....sorry. Nevermind. 1.4293 0.04846 184 122 45 17
556 I'm still anxious, doc. Scratching the furniture didn't help. 1.4293 0.05002 191 131 38 22
557 I miss the days when chasing cats wouldn't get you fired. 1.4293 0.04709 198 132 47 19
558 Yes, I guess you’re right. I’m not a good boy 1.4286 0.04964 168 110 44 14
559 Can you possibly understand what it’s like to HAVE to go outside? 1.4286 0.05517 154 105 32 17
560 I keep feeling that you think you're smarter than me. 1.4286 0.05629 147 100 31 16
561 It all started with him getting that treadmill. 1.4286 0.05545 147 99 33 15
562 I’m not a good dog. 1.4276 0.05248 152 100 39 13
563 There’s just something about the word ‘fetch’. 1.4276 0.04904 152 96 47 9
564 And each time it happens I wonder if maybe they don't really want the ball after all. 1.4265 0.05681 136 91 32 13
565 And here I thought I was "Man's Best Friend" 1.4264 0.05695 129 85 33 11
566 I finally caught the car, but then I didn’t know what to do with it. 1.4261 0.05001 176 118 41 17
567 The catnip you prescribed just doesn’t seem to be working. 1.4260 0.05082 169 113 40 16
568 Actually I like our visits each week... except for that voice in my head that keeps yelling at me to "GET OFF THE COUCH!" 1.4259 0.05313 162 110 35 17
569 Peeing on hydrants…chasing cars…it all seems so meaningless, Doc. 1.4257 0.05598 148 101 31 16
570 We've been fighting like cats and... Well, you know. 1.4254 0.04963 181 122 41 18
571 It’s easy for you to say I should care less about what people think. 1.4252 0.05648 127 83 34 10
572 If I promise not to chase you this time, can I have the full hour? 1.4251 0.05466 167 117 29 21
573 Do you think 7 is too early for a mid-life crisis? 1.4251 0.04982 167 110 43 14
574 Deep down inside, I know that I'm not really a good boy. 1.4250 0.05757 120 78 33 9
575 If you think frisbee is not a meaningful form of bonding, why am I even talking to you? 1.4250 0.04901 160 103 46 11
576 On the Internet, no one knows I’m a dog 1.4250 0.05877 120 79 31 10
577 My wife is a cat lover 1.4250 0.05287 160 108 36 16
578 I used to get such a thrill putting my head out the car window. Now, nothing. Do you understand, doc? 1.4249 0.04504 193 125 54 14
579 I sense some animosity 1.4247 0.04805 186 124 45 17
580 I don’t feel like fetching anymore, like..what’s the point? 1.4246 0.05247 179 125 32 22
581 The catnip you prescribed didn't do a thing for me. 1.4242 0.04798 165 106 48 11
582 But the door was wide open. Wide open! 1.4242 0.05390 132 85 38 9
583 Fetch, heel, roll over, stay, beg, play dead - there's just no pleasing them, Doctor! 1.4241 0.04772 191 128 45 18
584 I thought I would love having them around all day. 1.4241 0.05258 158 106 37 15
585 My owner kept telling me I was a 'good boy' ... so I felt he never saw me as the man I really am. 1.4237 0.04848 177 117 45 15
586 Dad and I got along but mother was a bitch. 1.4237 0.04914 177 118 43 16
587 I’ve never thought of wanting to be liked as a bad thing. 1.4234 0.05553 137 91 34 12
588 Fetch, Sit, Heel. Foreign to you , but this is all I know. 1.4224 0.05406 161 111 32 18
589 When I talk about my constant need for praise, it seems like you just don't get it. 1.4221 0.05434 154 105 33 16
590 When you’ve got 70 kids, you’re bound to have an argument with at least one of them, right? 1.4220 0.04926 173 115 43 15
591 Then she said "dogs have owners; cats have staff. 1.4218 0.05705 147 102 28 17
592 The chasing, the barking, I never really understood why I did it. 1.4218 0.05454 147 99 34 14
593 I didn’t realize my other 8 lives were going to be dogs. 1.4217 0.05000 166 110 42 14
594 My boss just won't stop barking orders at me. 1.4213 0.05083 178 122 37 19
595 And they make me hold it in for hours. 1.4211 0.05301 171 119 32 20
596 And then, right in the middle of my presentation, the doorbell rang. 1.4211 0.05867 133 91 28 14
597 So then he put on the collar and handed me the leash, but I’m just not into that kinky stuff. 1.4211 0.05072 152 99 42 11
598 I wish I were everyone's best friend. 1.4208 0.04919 183 124 41 18
599 I'm here because my smartwatch says I'm depressed. 1.4207 0.05331 145 96 37 12
600 I had no idea YOU were Schrödinger's cat… 1.4207 0.05679 145 100 29 16
601 I mean, is it wrong to want everyone to like me? 1.4206 0.06510 107 73 23 11
602 I think we should talk about the elephant in the room. 1.4203 0.05616 138 93 32 13
603 I'd give anything for aloofness and a litter box. 1.4203 0.05616 138 93 32 13
604 I had the dream again where I'm naked and have to pee on a fire hydrant. 1.4203 0.05616 138 93 32 13
605 It's like I'm not even a good boy anymore. 1.4203 0.05326 138 90 38 10
606 Do you think it's bad that I'm such a people pleaser? 1.4201 0.04717 169 109 49 11
607 For some reason, I feel like you're ignoring me. 1.4200 0.05118 150 98 41 11
608 No matter what they say, I just don’t feel like a good boy. 1.4200 0.04940 150 96 45 9
609 They laughed when I asked for a doggy bag . 1.4196 0.05473 143 96 34 13
610 Have you tried not giving a sh**? 1.4194 0.05633 155 109 27 19
611 Which do you think should be worse, my bark or my bite? 1.4189 0.05340 148 99 36 13
612 Easy for your to say...you have nine lives. 1.4189 0.05425 148 100 34 14
613 Is it OK if I lay on my stomach instead? I'd feel a lot more comfortable that way. 1.4189 0.05340 148 99 36 13
614 I tried to ignore them like you said but then the boy threw the ball. 1.4181 0.05164 177 123 34 20
615 But is it wrong that I feel worse when they come home? 1.4176 0.04983 170 114 41 15
616 It's hard to believe that you care about anything. 1.4172 0.05177 151 100 39 12
617 I don't like to say it, but my mother was a bitch. 1.4171 0.04899 187 128 40 19
618 Aren't I a good boy? 1.4167 0.04978 156 102 43 11
619 I think I need to try and be my own best friend for a while. 1.4167 0.05593 132 88 33 11
620 'I want to do more than have sex with his leg' 1.4167 0.05618 144 99 30 15
621 I would be more comfortable if you wouldn't purr while I'm talking. 1.4162 0.04782 173 114 46 13
622 But why is being a people pleaser such a bad thing? 1.4161 0.04709 161 103 49 9
623 How could you possibly understand? You’ve got nine lives and I’ve only got one! 1.4161 0.05545 137 92 33 12
624 I just don’t feel like a ‘Good Boy’ anymore. 1.4161 0.05735 137 94 29 14
625 And then I actually caught it, but I didn’t know what to do with it. 1.4159 0.06376 113 78 23 12
626 I keep having these dreams where everyone runs around naked and barks at things indiscriminately. 1.4157 0.05209 166 114 35 17
627 It said Dr Katz on the door, but I just assumed you’d be a dog. 1.4155 0.05405 142 95 35 12
628 My mother never allowed me on the couch. 1.4154 0.05859 130 89 28 13
629 I just want to please people, but I doubt you'd understand that. 1.4153 0.05687 118 77 33 8
630 I've made great progress since our first session, doc, when all I wanted to do was chase you up that tree outside the office. 1.4151 0.04992 159 105 42 12
631 It's just that being a "Good Boy" doesn't seem to be enough anymore. 1.4146 0.05878 123 83 29 11
632 Can you understand that my only goal in life is to make my owners happy? Doc? …Doc? 1.4146 0.05532 164 117 26 21
633 I’m tired of being the good boy. 1.4143 0.05643 140 96 30 14
634 After the surgery I lost my identity. 1.4143 0.05458 140 94 34 12
635 I just wish I could land on my feet like you. 1.4143 0.05067 140 90 42 8
636 Dr Katz, you're the first person not to tell me to get off the furniture 1.4143 0.05363 140 93 36 11
637 I just don’t feel like a good boy 1.4136 0.05003 162 108 41 13
638 I've never paid for pussy before. 1.4136 0.05079 162 109 39 14
639 You were right, fetching is pointless. I'm thinking of playing dead. 1.4136 0.05228 162 111 35 16
640 Yeah, but when I do it, it's called begging. 1.4130 0.04770 184 124 44 16
641 I feel like I've spent my whole career chasing my tail. 1.4129 0.05399 155 107 32 16
642 It’s always good boy, never great boy or terrific boy! 1.4126 0.05375 143 96 35 12
643 When is my day? 1.4122 0.05923 131 91 26 14
644 Doctor, sometimes a bone is just a bone. 1.4122 0.04975 148 96 43 9
645 Doctor, why do I have this compulsive need to please humans? 1.4121 0.04938 165 110 42 13
646 But you have nine lives. I don’t. 1.4121 0.05085 165 112 38 15
647 I miss bringing in newspapers. 1.4118 0.05569 136 92 32 12
648 My boss said I was a good boy and threw me a bone in the meeting. How is that not a compliment? 1.4118 0.05163 136 88 40 8
649 I do understand intellectually that it's merely a stereotypical cultural construct, yet the urge to get up and chase you still seems so very real to me. 1.4118 0.05115 170 117 36 17
650 I don't want any more pills. I just want someone to listen to WHY I'm barking. 1.4110 0.04925 146 94 44 8
651 It may sound cliche, but my mother was a real bitch. 1.4110 0.05723 146 103 26 17
652 My mother was such a bitch. 1.4109 0.05887 129 89 27 13
653 Is it true that you really could care less? 1.4104 0.05213 134 87 39 8
654 You won’t understand. My wife’s a bitch and I’m always in the doghouse. 1.4104 0.05823 134 93 27 14
655 What would you know about being a good boy? 1.4103 0.05053 156 104 40 12
656 Sometimes, I feel like someone's got my tongue. 1.4101 0.05481 139 94 33 12
657 The sniffing,the barking,the licking,I just had enough. 1.4101 0.05385 139 93 35 11
658 Sometimes I just feel like I’m running in circles, chasing my own tail. You know? 1.4101 0.05086 139 90 41 8
659 Have you tried just not giving a shit? 1.4094 0.05290 171 121 30 20
660 So, actually, she WAS a tramp. 1.4091 0.05787 132 91 28 13
661 Barking at you when I came in … you’re not going to write that down, are you? 1.4091 0.05787 132 91 28 13
662 Is it wrong to care what people think of you? 1.4088 0.04985 159 106 41 12
663 I love cats. Always have. I just feel uncomfortable using the ‘p’ word. 1.4088 0.05219 159 109 35 15
664 I was told you could help me be more aloof. 1.4088 0.05439 137 92 34 11
665 And every time he told me to sit, I did it. But what about what I wanted? 1.4087 0.06285 115 80 23 12
666 Do you see that red dot over there? It keeps moving 1.4085 0.05030 164 111 39 14
667 Your problem is you really care. 1.4085 0.05579 142 98 30 14
668 I work like a dog and I still can’t get ahead. 1.4083 0.05202 169 118 33 18
669 I feel like you think you think you’re smarter than I am 1.4080 0.06232 125 89 21 15
670 I just don’t feel the mailman loves me. 1.4079 0.04971 152 100 42 10
671 Are you even listening? 1.4077 0.05643 130 88 31 11
672 Doc,why do cats never answer my questions? 1.4076 0.05188 157 107 36 14
673 I'm not always a good boy. 1.4076 0.04702 184 124 45 15
674 I just can't keep up the unconditional love thing 1.4076 0.04764 184 125 43 16
675 I just don't think you understand. I'm a people pleaser. 1.4074 0.05493 135 91 33 11
676 Have you tried sitting on their keyboard? 1.4074 0.06034 108 72 28 8
677 Andrew Loyd Weber still blames me for the reviews. 1.4072 0.05382 167 119 28 20
678 I try not to judge, but peeing on hydrants is just so uncivilized. 1.4071 0.05847 113 75 30 8
679 I don’t know doc. Refusing to eat. Why would I do that again? 1.4069 0.05225 145 97 37 11
680 Sometimes I feel like I’m loyal to a fault. 1.4067 0.05103 150 100 39 11
681 Where do I start? My mother was a bitch. 1.4065 0.05234 155 106 35 14
682 We can try to dig deeper, but never, ever in the flowers. 1.4065 0.05469 155 109 29 17
683 I have a hard time really believing that I'm a good boy. 1.4061 0.04931 165 111 41 13
684 I beg them for attention, but all they do is stare at their phones. 1.4058 0.05785 138 97 26 15
685 I don't know who's a good boy anymore. 1.4056 0.05026 180 126 35 19
686 Everything's going great. I just don't know why she keeps calling me a therapy dog. 1.4054 0.05059 148 98 40 10
687 They always ask, “Who’s a good boy?” Never, “How did it feel being torn away from your family?” 1.4054 0.05410 148 102 32 14
688 How can I be sure that I'm his best friend? 1.4054 0.05237 148 100 36 12
689 It all started when they named me Oedipus Rex 1.4051 0.04839 158 104 44 10
690 I've started purring lately. 1.4051 0.04921 158 105 42 11
691 It all started when I saw my first litter box and thought ‘that’s for me’. 1.4050 0.06051 121 84 25 12
692 Why wouldn't I have to be his best friend? 1.4049 0.05048 163 111 38 14
693 But on the internet, not even cats know you're a dog 1.4048 0.05875 126 87 27 12
694 Usually I just do ‘sit’ but now I definitely see the appeal of ‘lie down’ 1.4046 0.04626 173 114 48 11
695 My mother wasn’t a dog person. 1.4046 0.05914 131 92 25 14
696 I was caught drinking at the office again. If only they would keep the toilet lids down. 1.4044 0.05560 136 93 31 12
697 So I barked, and then she barked, and then I barked.... 1.4043 0.05324 141 95 35 11
698 Yes, I always want to chase them. I want to chase you right now. 1.4041 0.05196 146 98 37 11
699 And have you ever tried simply not caring about your owner’s affection? 1.4040 0.05330 151 104 33 14
700 It's always 'Who's a good boy?' but never 'How's a good boy?' 1.4038 0.06339 104 71 24 9
701 I’ve been chewing on your last bill… 1.4036 0.04756 166 110 45 11
702 Sure, it's white collar, but it's still a collar. 1.4035 0.06195 114 79 24 11
703 I fetch, I roll over, I even beg, but it’s never enough. 1.4035 0.06068 114 78 26 10
704 My life is hopeless. Can I have one of your nine ? 1.4035 0.05672 114 75 32 7
705 Well, first of all, I feel very guilty because I know I'm not allowed on the couch. 1.4034 0.04979 176 122 37 17
706 I should be barking at you. 1.4034 0.05885 119 81 28 10
707 But my mother IS a bitch... 1.4034 0.06005 119 82 26 11
708 I believe that the root of your problem is your need for human beings. 1.4032 0.05600 124 83 32 9
709 Chasing the ball isn’t fun anymore. 1.4031 0.05877 129 90 26 13
710 I caught a car last week and then I was like, now what? 1.4030 0.05517 134 91 32 11
711 And my mom said if it's put in front of you, eat it. And if it hisses at you, bark at it. And if it runs from you, chase it. And if...... 1.4029 0.05376 139 94 34 11
712 You just don't understand, Doc--you always seem to land on your feet. 1.4028 0.05151 144 96 38 10
713 ….and in the dream, after I sniff, she turns around and it’s my mom’s face. 1.4028 0.05336 144 98 34 12
714 Lately I'm all bite and no bark 1.4027 0.04941 149 98 42 9
715 What is so wrong with wanting to leave you mark on the world? 1.4027 0.05296 149 102 34 13
716 I'm only submitting to the Freudian method because you allow me to get on the couch. 1.4027 0.05209 149 101 36 12
717 Why was I never allowed to have a litter box? 1.4027 0.05380 149 103 32 14
718 And sir, you're sure that it's not just your tail following you? 1.4026 0.05254 154 106 34 14
719 Dr. Katz, you seem unsympathetic to my situation. 1.4025 0.05362 159 112 30 17
720 Sure, I chase the cars. But what would I do if I actually caught one? 1.4015 0.05253 132 87 37 8
721 I have to admit it. I like cats. Does that make me weird? 1.4015 0.05253 132 87 37 8
722 I hope you can run faster than my last therapist. 1.4015 0.05623 137 95 29 13
723 The only recognition I get at work is the occasional pat on the head. 1.4014 0.05102 142 94 39 9
724 But why just me? They never made Kitty roll over and play dead. 1.4000 0.05305 130 86 36 8
725 I mean, they are always telling me I'm a good boy, but I just don't feel like a good boy. 1.4000 0.05049 140 92 40 8
726 I like kittens. 1.4000 0.05964 120 83 26 11
727 I tried being more like you, but 'aloof' doesn't get any treats... 1.4000 0.05964 120 83 26 11
728 I think I love more than one person. 1.4000 0.05682 135 94 28 13
729 Is it wrong for me to want to be a mailman? 1.4000 0.05534 140 97 30 13
730 Story of my life, really. Of the 20,000 therapists advertised, I get a cat. 1.4000 0.05307 145 99 34 12
731 I knew she was a cat, but it didn't matter. I loved her. 1.4000 0.05416 130 87 34 9
732 My hydrant training? Really? 1.4000 0.06195 120 85 22 13
733 Could you not just tell me how to ignore the tennis ball? 1.4000 0.06117 125 89 22 14
734 Ok, so my mother was a bitch. That’s why I’m messed up? 1.4000 0.05941 130 92 24 14
735 It's always the same dream...I sit, I beg, but I can't close the Peterson deal. 1.4000 0.06011 125 88 24 13
736 What do you think they mean by “You’re in the dog house!”? 1.4000 0.04730 150 97 46 7
737 You can’t understand the pressure of a dog-eat-dog world 1.4000 0.05248 140 94 36 10
738 And how long have you been calling your mother "that bitch" 1.4000 0.05680 125 85 30 10
739 Sure I have boundary issues but you dont know what Invisifence is like. 1.4000 0.04932 145 95 42 8
740 And after all that, it turned out that all she wanted to do was play “fetch. 1.3987 0.05274 153 106 33 14
741 Am I really a son of a bitch? 1.3985 0.05840 133 94 25 14
742 Have you tried being less emotionally available? 1.3985 0.05436 133 90 33 10
743 What's the matter, 'dog got your tongue'? 1.3984 0.05742 123 84 29 10
744 I’m a well dressed senior, but they still call me ‘Boy’. 1.3981 0.06162 108 74 25 9
745 It’s like they don’t even read all of the submissions. How are THESE the finalists!? 1.3981 0.07081 103 76 13 14
746 Did you ever think of just chasing your tail 1.3977 0.04799 171 116 42 13
747 Why do I feel like you don't hear a thing I am saying. 1.3977 0.04870 171 117 40 14
748 So then it occurred to me, if you can change your gender then why not your species. 1.3975 0.05159 161 112 34 15
749 Although I am biologically canine and satortially human, I identify as feline. 1.3974 0.05486 151 107 28 16
750 Sometimes i feel like I'm running in circles, chasing my own tail. 1.3973 0.04809 146 95 44 7
751 Every time she leaves, I’m afraid she won’t come back. You wouldn’t understand. 1.3973 0.05366 146 101 32 13
752 Oh, aren’t you being catty! 1.3972 0.05315 141 96 34 11
753 She kicks all the poop out of her litter box and nobody says a word. I accidentally poop on the floor and everyone calls me a bad boy. Am I a bad boy? Am I? Am I? 1.3972 0.05409 141 97 32 12
754 I find you so remote. 1.3972 0.05502 141 98 30 13
755 I guess this makes you my therapy cat. 1.3971 0.06021 136 99 20 17
756 Fine . . . if you must know, my mother was a bitch!" 1.3969 0.05701 131 91 28 12
757 Don't get me wrong. Some of my best friends are cats. 1.3966 0.05983 116 80 26 10
758 I feel as though you're being somewhat aloof when I talk with you. 1.3963 0.04786 164 110 43 11
759 I keep having this reoccurring dream that it is raining and you and I are falling out of the sky. 1.3961 0.05784 154 114 19 21
760 I feel that you're being very aloof. 1.3961 0.04911 154 103 41 10
761 What if I want to be more than best friends? 1.3960 0.06461 101 70 22 9
762 I guess I'm just not a dog person. 1.3960 0.05200 149 105 32 12
763 I can't help feeling I'm too much of a people pleaser. 1.3957 0.05268 139 94 35 10
764 I think I'm a good boy, but I feel like not everyone agrees. 1.3955 0.05607 134 93 29 12
765 Can't we just cut to the chase? 1.3955 0.05607 134 93 29 12
766 I’ve always felt like a cat trapped in a dog’s body. 1.3953 0.05969 129 92 23 14
767 My son called me a “pussy”… no offense 1.3953 0.05763 129 90 27 12
768 Okay, but, what does the Mailman represent? 1.3950 0.05366 119 78 35 6
769 Fetch! Roll over! Beg! Where did humans get those ideas? 1.3949 0.05092 157 108 36 13
770 Bark, bark, bow-wow. You just wouldn't understand. 1.3945 0.06649 109 79 17 13
771 Why do I always feel like I’m chasing my tail? 1.3945 0.05832 109 73 29 7
772 But I have always been a people pleaser… 1.3942 0.05217 137 92 36 9
773 They say I’m a ‘good boy’, but what do I have to show for it? 1.3942 0.05419 137 94 32 11
774 I think it's a major cultural misappropriation to say it's raining cats and dogs. Don't you think? 1.3939 0.05242 132 91 32 9
775 Maybe I'm projecting, but I feel like you're judging me. 1.3937 0.05142 127 83 38 6
776 And why do cats get to sleep on the furniture? 1.3937 0.05932 127 90 24 13
777 I’ve never been able to catch a squirrel. 1.3934 0.05768 122 84 28 10
778 It’s too much. I can’t be their only source of emotional support. 1.3934 0.05649 122 83 30 9
779 Of course I don’t expect you to fully understand…. 1.3933 0.05258 150 104 33 13
780 I know I’m a good boy…but I want to be a *great* boy. 1.3933 0.04996 150 101 39 10
781 I can't help it--I only have one life! 1.3932 0.06064 117 82 24 11
782 Sometimes I feel like I'm just here for your amusement. 1.3931 0.05475 145 102 29 14
783 It’s just one damn fetch after another! 1.3929 0.05997 112 77 26 9
784 Doctor, I'm afraid my gatophobia is getting worse 1.3929 0.06130 112 78 24 10
785 Having just one life doesn’t seem fair. 1.3926 0.04722 163 109 44 10
786 And then she called me a pussy 1.3926 0.05863 135 97 23 15
787 All I’ve ever really wanted is to be a Good Boy… 1.3926 0.05371 135 92 33 10
788 So tell me, who is the good boy? 1.3923 0.05514 130 89 31 10
789 . “It’s a dog-eat-dog world out there and I’m wearing Milkbone underwear.” (Credit Norm from Cheers) 1.3922 0.05346 153 108 30 15
790 My mother's name was Nugget. My father was Fido, or Spot, or Speckles, maybe Blackie, or Pooch, or Buddy, I'm not really sure. 1.3920 0.06000 125 89 23 13
791 How could I care less? 1.3918 0.06481 97 67 22 8
792 The thing is, Doc, if I did catch the car I wouldn't even know what to do with it. 1.3916 0.05439 143 100 30 13
793 I really appreciate you're letting me lie on your couch. 1.3916 0.05348 143 99 32 12
794 In the dream we were both naked and I was chasing you and growling" 1.3907 0.05557 151 109 25 17
795 And in the dream I'm naked, walking on four paws with a collar around my neck. 1.3906 0.05997 128 92 22 14
796 ‘I think I might be a dog’ 1.3906 0.05789 128 90 26 12
797 Shouldn’t I be seeing a licensed therapy dog? 1.3905 0.04830 169 116 40 13
798 I don't feel like a good boy. 1.3905 0.06274 105 73 23 9
799 I worry that when I'm on the Internet, everybody knows I'm a dog. 1.3902 0.05612 123 84 30 9
800 So there it is doc: I hate you. 1.3897 0.05441 136 94 31 11
801 I am worried my new boss is not a good boy. 1.3895 0.07376 95 71 11 13
802 I'm always doing what I'm told just to get love and validation. Ya know what I mean? 1.3894 0.05683 113 76 30 7
803 … and you really think tearing the sofa will work Doctor? Lying across their sleeping faces didn’t get me one “Good boy!” at all 1.3893 0.05690 131 92 27 12
804 Can I chase you when we've finished the session? 1.3893 0.05480 131 90 31 10
805 Why -- why does it have to be such a dog eat dog world? 1.3889 0.05408 144 101 30 13
806 Why do you think I'm barking up the wrong tree? 1.3889 0.05131 144 98 36 10
807 You say 'roll over' like it's a bad thing. 1.3889 0.05036 144 97 38 9
808 They kept telling me that dogs were not as smart as cats..... 1.3884 0.05426 121 81 33 7
809 I've always advised that curiosity isn't exactly a good thing. 1.3881 0.05495 134 93 30 11
810 I keep having this recurrent nightmare in which my therapist is a huge cat. 1.3879 0.06094 116 82 23 11
811 Sorry doc, but I fell you are aloof and indifferent. 1.3878 0.05327 147 103 31 13
812 Some of my best friends. . . .no, it isn't true. 1.3874 0.05748 111 75 29 7
813 Everywhere I look I see cats 1.3874 0.06026 111 77 25 9
814 If you tell anyone I came here, I will bite you. 1.3873 0.05274 142 98 33 11
815 Can't I just curl up at your feet? I'm not supposed to lie on the couch. 1.3873 0.05274 142 98 33 11
816 I'm obsessed with another species. 1.3873 0.04406 204 141 47 16
817 I’m just not good with boundaries unless they are electrified, Doc. 1.3871 0.04790 155 104 42 9
818 Have you tried sleeping 17 hours a day?” 1.3871 0.05046 155 107 36 12
819 You keep saying ‘subservient’ like it’s a bad thing. 1.3871 0.05692 124 86 28 10
820 Doctor, why do I sniff butts? 1.3869 0.05698 137 98 25 14
821 That depends. What do you consider "enough sleep"? 1.3867 0.04986 150 102 38 10
822 Here I am every week earnestly and fervently contemplating the human condition while you jot notes and wash your face. 1.3867 0.05163 150 104 34 12
823 And another thing. The homework was the best meal I had all week. 1.3861 0.06288 101 70 23 8
824 OK, here goes ... I am sexually attracted to cats. 1.3861 0.05214 158 112 31 15
825 : Let me get this straight, your human comes home and you immediately stop what you're doing. 1.3856 0.05005 153 105 37 11
826 I tried being more aloof, like you said, I really did. But then she came home. 1.3854 0.06846 96 69 17 10
827 Do you ever worry that people don’t like you? 1.3854 0.06517 96 67 21 8
828 But then I realized - they hadn't actually thrown the ball. 1.3853 0.05960 109 75 26 8
829 I had that dream again but this time the mailman was my father. 1.3853 0.05960 109 75 26 8
830 Never mind. Scratch that. 1.3852 0.06098 122 88 21 13
831 I feel like you understand me, but you don't really care. 1.3852 0.05562 135 95 28 12
832 The fact is—my mother is a bitch. 1.3852 0.05360 135 93 32 10
833 I feel like I've spent my whole adult life just chasing my tail. 1.3846 0.05609 130 91 28 11
834 ...and cats aren't even afraid of me anymore. 1.3846 0.05543 117 79 31 7
835 Have you tried ignoring them? 1.3846 0.06948 91 65 17 9
836 But you don’t have to live in a dog eat dog world! 1.3846 0.05543 117 79 31 7
837 Not be insulting, but you're not my first choice. My HMO sent me to you. 1.3846 0.05429 143 101 29 13
838 You've got it good, Doc: this is the only couch I'm allowed on. 1.3846 0.05244 143 99 33 11
839 I’ve been fetching the ball my whole life. 1.3846 0.04982 117 75 39 3
840 I don’t understand why I always do what people tell me to do. 1.3846 0.05928 117 82 25 10
841 I think she only adopted me to make money on tik tok 1.3846 0.05543 117 79 31 7
842 After all this time, I'm still wondering who is a good boy. 1.3846 0.04837 182 129 36 17
843 I keep having this recurring dream that my therapist is a cat. 1.3841 0.05387 151 108 28 15
844 If it's a dog-eat-dog world out there, why am I so afraid of cats? 1.3841 0.05135 151 105 34 12
845 I want her to throw the ball, but I just can’t let go 1.3838 0.06042 99 67 26 6
846 ... I listened, I behaved, I rolled over, but they never, ever told me I was a good boy. 1.3836 0.04952 159 110 37 12
847 What good will a cat scan do me? 1.3836 0.05339 159 115 27 17
848 Sometimes I think you just don't care. 1.3835 0.05720 133 95 25 13
849 It’s taking everything I’ve got not to sniff your butt right now. 1.3832 0.06592 107 78 17 12
850 I just can’t shake the feeling that you’re mocking me 1.3831 0.04978 154 106 37 11
851 What was I supposed to call her? 1.3830 0.05840 141 104 20 17
852 I'm starting to crawl into boxes. 1.3828 0.05669 128 90 27 11
853 ...and I bring it back, and their mouth says 'good boy', but yet they always throw it away all over again... 1.3824 0.06542 102 73 19 10
854 I know everybody tells me I'm a good boy... but what if I'm not? 1.3821 0.05599 123 85 29 9
855 Could you ignore me again at two o'clock next Thursday? 1.3818 0.06325 110 79 20 11
856 it all started at the fire hydrant 1.3816 0.05192 152 107 32 13
857 But, who's to say I am indeed a good dog? 1.3816 0.05107 152 106 34 12
858 I've lost my fetch. 1.3814 0.05943 97 65 27 5
859 Just once I’d like to hear someone describe something great as ‘the dog’s bark’! 1.3813 0.05536 139 99 27 13
860 Get the ball....Get the ball...Get the ball...Why can't they just get it their damn selves? 1.3810 0.05138 147 102 34 11
861 When and WHY did we start wearing pants?!? 1.3810 0.06110 105 73 24 8
862 I'm constantly embarrassed by my uncontrollable urge to wag my tail. 1.3806 0.05585 134 95 27 12
863 But I don't know how to play hard to get. 1.3802 0.05537 121 83 30 8
864 I thought it was love. Then he tells me I’m his best friend. 1.3800 0.06321 100 70 22 8
865 I think I'd feel a lot better if you just let me chase you a little bit. 1.3798 0.05185 129 87 35 7
866 Birds…right? 1.3798 0.05739 129 92 25 12
867 Does it have to be a dog eat dog world ? 1.3797 0.05127 158 112 32 14
868 I’ve come to accept that I’m the son of a bitch. 1.3796 0.05873 137 101 20 16
869 And just like that I didn't want to play fetch and now I'm questioning everything. 1.3793 0.05277 145 102 31 12
870 Doctor, I feel like you’re ignoring me while you play with that pen. 1.3791 0.05080 153 107 34 12
871 I can't lose the feeling that you just don't give a damn. 1.3790 0.05905 124 89 23 12
872 I get dressed every morning, but she still goes to work without me. 1.3790 0.05321 124 84 33 7
873 They keep moving my bowl. 1.3790 0.05443 124 85 31 8
874 Tell me,what does this guilt feel like? 1.3790 0.05905 124 89 23 12
875 Sometimes I think that even you hate me. 1.3789 0.06723 95 68 18 9
876 Doc, Thanks you are the only one who has ever given me permission to be on the couch. 1.3788 0.05327 132 91 32 9
877 Well, I tried the ball of yarn thing. It didn't work. 1.3788 0.04990 132 88 38 6
878 They took me to ‘Take Your Dog to Work Day’. Personally, I prefer to lie around the house remotely. 1.3788 0.05539 132 93 28 11
879 I don’t know exactly when I transgendered into a dog, but I do remember suddenly meowing and then barking at the mailman. 1.3788 0.05643 132 94 26 12
880 I just don’t understand why sniffing my colleagues’ butts is considered poor office etiquette. 1.3787 0.04957 169 120 34 15
881 I swear! I actually like cats. 1.3786 0.05216 140 97 33 10
882 It’s not about catching the tail. It’s about loving the chase. 1.3778 0.05243 135 93 33 9
883 It’s like, no matter how many times I fetch her that stick she just doesn’t seem satisfied, you know 1.3778 0.06625 90 63 20 7
884 I get the feeling that you are silently judging me. 1.3776 0.05233 143 100 32 11
885 I have to learn how to say No! 1.3774 0.05912 106 73 26 7
886 I don’t even know anymore am I fetching for myself or everybody else? 1.3772 0.06154 114 82 21 11
887 What do you know about losing a best friend? 1.3769 0.05153 130 88 35 7
888 After they yelled at me for eating their homework it just doesn’t taste the same. 1.3769 0.05380 130 90 31 9
889 It’s just so hard being the sweetest one in the room all the time. 1.3767 0.05247 146 103 31 12
890 I buried my feelings and now I can’t find them 1.3767 0.05595 146 107 23 16
891 Yeah, he's staff, not master. 1.3766 0.04705 154 104 42 8
892 But what if my bliss is fetching sticks? 1.3762 0.06270 101 71 22 8
893 I still have anxiety about being allowed on the sofa. 1.3761 0.05527 117 80 30 7
894 I guess it all started when they told me I was a mutt. 1.3761 0.05253 117 78 34 5
895 I've lost my desire to fetch. 1.3760 0.05641 125 88 27 10
896 It's all my father's fault. He never taught me what to do if I caught the car. 1.3760 0.05641 125 88 27 10
897 It didn't make me feel ... anything! It was just ... a car. 1.3759 0.05185 141 98 33 10
898 She keeps saying, "Cats are from Venus; Dogs are from Mars" to explain our problems. 1.3750 0.05656 128 91 26 11
899 I just keep wondering if the "best friend" thing is mutual... 1.3750 0.05182 152 108 31 13
900 Actually, I'm fine. This is just the only place I'm allowed on the couch. 1.3750 0.05805 120 85 25 10
901 Why am I expected to know where all the bones are buried? 1.3750 0.05683 120 84 27 9
902 Sometimes I feel like you think you are better than me? 1.3750 0.05203 144 101 32 11
903 I lost all pleasure chasing cars. 1.3750 0.05013 144 99 36 9
904 This is a long list of pet peeves ! 1.3750 0.06099 112 80 22 10
905 And just as I'm about to chomp down on my tail, the dream ends. 1.3750 0.05417 136 96 29 11
906 In my dream, I'm being treated by a cat. 1.3750 0.05387 144 103 28 13
907 I’m sure you can relate, but all this pressure to be their best friend really is exhausting. 1.3741 0.05127 147 103 33 11
908 Come, Sit, Stay” Why can’t I be aloof like you 1.3741 0.05429 139 99 28 12
909 In the dream, I catch the car and it turns into a cat! 1.3741 0.05333 139 98 30 11
910 I've no desire to fetch things, but I still enjoy licking myself in public. 1.3740 0.05561 131 93 27 11
911 I go to ridiculous lengths to gain approval. 1.3740 0.05561 131 93 27 11
912 Sometimes I'm a good boy. Sometimes I'm a bad dog. 1.3740 0.05584 123 86 28 9
913 I can sit, and stay, but I never learned to heal. 1.3739 0.05587 115 79 29 7
914 Vice President sounds great, but I'd rather be a pack leader. 1.3739 0.05587 115 79 29 7
915 We've been having these sessions for months and I feel as if I'm just chasing my tail. 1.3733 0.05142 150 106 32 12
916 It feels like I'm just chasing my tail. 1.3733 0.04874 150 103 38 9
917 I push my intrusive thoughts off the table like you tell me to, but then I fetch them. 1.3731 0.05573 134 96 26 12
918 I have lost my desire to chase you. 1.3731 0.05262 134 93 32 9
919 This 'need to please' complex is so exhausting to deal with! 1.3730 0.05373 126 87 31 8
920 Where ever I go I see cats. 1.3730 0.05826 126 91 23 12
921 It's as though I was really a cat, but in a dog's body. 1.3730 0.05604 126 89 27 10
922 …they say it’s a dog’s life, but if you ask me, I’d rather have nine lives to fall back on 1.3729 0.05619 118 82 28 8
923 Even now, I feel like I don't DESERVE to be on this couch 1.3725 0.05236 153 110 29 14
924 Teach me to be independent. 1.3723 0.06590 94 67 19 8
925 I’m a good boy - I get it. But sometimes I just want to ignore the ball, you know? 1.3723 0.06233 94 65 23 6
926 They always say, 'who's a good boy??' but never 'how is the good boy?!'. 1.3723 0.05855 94 63 27 4
927 I got the seven-year itch after a year. Is that normal? 1.3721 0.05510 129 91 28 10
928 I am worried about how they would react if they realize that I don't know who this 'good boy' is that they keep asking me about. 1.3719 0.06113 121 89 19 13
929 I never get to do my business inside like the cat does. 1.3719 0.05645 121 85 27 9
930 It all started with tail chasing. 1.3719 0.05395 121 83 31 7
931 sometimes being a good boy is enough 1.3719 0.05395 121 83 31 7
932 And then he threw the ball AGAIN, so I had to — nevermind, you wouldn’t get it. 1.3719 0.05645 121 85 27 9
933 I know. It's a common story. But I was only 8 weeks old. 1.3717 0.06054 113 81 22 10
934 Try setting healthy boundaries, refuse to come when called 1.3717 0.06310 113 83 18 12
935 Hmmm, How did he get those cufflinks on with no thumbs? 1.3716 0.04915 148 102 37 9
936 Dreaming of chasing your therapist up a tree IS progress. 1.3712 0.05630 132 95 25 12
937 It’s a dog eat dog world out there. You’ll never understand 1.3712 0.05832 132 97 21 14
938 I tried acting aloof, like you suggested, but then she brought out the Frisbee. 1.3708 0.06468 89 62 21 6
939 My biggest fear? Dying and coming back as a cat. 1.3707 0.05812 116 82 25 9
940 You wouldn't understand Dr. Katz, but it's demeaning. Everyone I meet feels free to call me by my first name. 1.3707 0.06064 116 84 21 11
941 So you're saying I should be less affectionate, more solitary, and stop pleasing others?" 1.3706 0.05497 143 104 25 14
942 People don't get that I'm a vegetarian by choice. 1.3706 0.05315 143 102 29 12
943 Who's a good boy? That's what I'm here to find out. 1.3704 0.06113 108 77 22 9
944 About this need to be obedient... 1.3704 0.05970 108 76 24 8
945 And I ran all the way out there, but the ball was still in his hand! 1.3704 0.07338 81 59 14 8
946 Who cares what your master thinks! 1.3704 0.05538 135 97 26 12
947 In the nightmare, I look down and I'm not wearing pants 1.3700 0.06301 100 71 21 8
948 I want to be more independent—you know. 1.3700 0.06139 100 70 23 7
949 They always ask "Who's a good boy?" But never "How's the good boy?" 1.3700 0.05972 100 69 25 6
950 Unlike you, I die after just one life 1.3697 0.05581 119 83 28 8
951 I guess it started when my owner started making me wear his clothes. 1.3696 0.06128 92 63 24 5
952 I’d like to explore more about your relationship with your mother but I think it would be best if you refrained from referring to her by that term. 1.3696 0.05352 138 98 29 11
953 This is sort of nice. I've never allowed on the couch at home. 1.3696 0.05252 138 97 31 10
954 I don't know, maybe I'm just burned out from always having to be Man's Best Friend. Unlike you, I find I can't just ignore them — even when they're acting like idiots. 1.3696 0.06687 92 66 18 8
955 All day long it’s ‘fetch this and ‘fetch that.’ It’s degrading, you know? 1.3689 0.05359 122 84 31 7
956 It’s always ‘Who’s a good boy’ and never ‘How’s a good boy’. 1.3689 0.05958 122 89 21 12
957 I'll tell ya, my mother is a real bitch. 1.3688 0.05173 141 99 32 10
958 Tell me more about your fire hydrant obsession 1.3684 0.06702 95 69 17 9
959 How did it make me feel? Honestly? Like - when they said it? Hmm. I guess it made me feel like a good, silly boy. 1.3684 0.05387 133 94 29 10
960 I can't shake the feeling that I'm stuck in a ridiculous cartoon. 1.3684 0.06010 114 82 22 10
961 He said he threw the ball, but I’m beginning to think he never did 1.3684 0.06532 95 68 19 8
962 Well, yes. I do wish I could nap during our sessions. 1.3680 0.05148 125 85 34 6
963 My wife asked if I felt foolish paying for all that cat litter. 1.3680 0.05021 125 84 36 5
964 I feel like I'm chasing my own tail doc. 1.3680 0.05392 125 87 30 8
965 I liked it better when I could just bark at you through the window. 1.3679 0.05416 106 71 31 4
966 You sure don't pussyfoot around do you? 1.3678 0.06563 87 61 20 6
967 I try my best but I just can't seem to learn the new tricks. 1.3678 0.06764 87 62 18 7
968 The only couch I’m allowed on, and I pay $200 an hour for the privilege. 1.3676 0.05404 136 97 28 11
969 You know what that bitch said to me next? 1.3676 0.05302 136 96 30 10
970 Despite our sessions, I'll confess that I still have a strong urge to chase you. 1.3675 0.05897 117 84 23 10
971 "As you well know, wearing the pants in the family means I can't wag my tail." 1.3675 0.06021 117 85 21 11
972 And are these cats in the room with us right now? 1.3675 0.05509 117 81 29 7
973 Why do I always feel like such a bad dog? 1.3673 0.05116 147 104 32 11
974 I'm such a good dog, why don't they respect me? 1.3673 0.05116 147 104 32 11
975 fetch heel sit drop....it's all so demeaning 1.3672 0.05305 128 89 31 8
976 They all say I’m aloof. Can you relate? 1.3667 0.05415 120 83 30 7
977 I don't know, I'm just not feeling the chase anymore. . . 1.3664 0.05755 131 96 22 13
978 I can't shake this persistent paranoid fear that cats are slowly taking over all positions of authority. 1.3664 0.05332 131 92 30 9
979 I dunno, Doc. Lately I feel like all I'm doing is chasing my own tail. 1.3663 0.05399 101 67 31 3
980 It's the dream where I am craving tuna fish that bothers me the most! 1.3661 0.05672 112 78 27 7
981 Nobody ever says, 'dog got your tongue?' 1.3661 0.05528 112 77 29 6
982 Sometimes, I WANT to be chased. 1.3659 0.05569 123 87 27 9
983 I was raised in a cat house. 1.3659 0.06834 82 58 18 6
984 I’m not codependent. I’m a dog. 1.3659 0.06610 82 57 20 5
985 I expect everyone to be glad to see me when I get home. Is that too much to ask? 1.3657 0.05458 134 96 27 11
986 To tell the truth, I like cats. 1.3655 0.04973 145 101 35 9
987 Then she laughed and said 'Cat got your tongue?' 1.3655 0.05254 145 104 29 12
988 I'm mortified. It was not an unwrapped tootsie roll. 1.3654 0.06270 104 75 20 9
989 I’m really not sure just how much emotional support I’m expected to provide. 1.3654 0.06120 104 74 22 8
990 …and ever since that episode I’ve lost the urge to bark at any postmen, bicyclists or even cats. 1.3652 0.04991 115 80 30 5
991 I'd love to chase you up a tree. 1.3651 0.05920 126 93 20 13
992 I dreamt that I ate you. 1.3651 0.05589 126 90 26 10
993 Sometimes I feel like my tail is wagging me. 1.3651 0.05702 126 91 24 11
994 For some reason I'm obsessed with chasing psychiatrists. 1.3650 0.05063 137 95 34 8
995 My father said he was going to the store for a box of biscuits but never came back. 1.3650 0.04501 137 92 41 4
996 Part of me really wants to say 'meow'. 1.3644 0.05978 118 86 21 11
997 Why would I try to trip my owner? 1.3643 0.05385 129 91 29 9
998 Have you tried being more aloof? 1.3643 0.05712 129 94 23 12
999 I know I’m a bit of a pushover, but I’m sick of everyone just expecting me to “roll over.” 1.3643 0.05288 140 100 29 11
1000 I really just want to go back to feeling like a good boy. 1.3636 0.04946 154 109 34 11
1001 And so you want me to let the cat out of the bag? 1.3636 0.05407 132 94 28 10
1002 You'll never guess what happened next. He picked up the ball and threw it again! 1.3636 0.06892 88 64 16 8
1003 They say I'm fixed. 1.3636 0.06494 99 72 18 9
1004 Tell me what YOU think it means to be a "good boy." 1.3636 0.05512 132 95 26 11
1005 They tell me I am a ‘good boy’, but after neutering I don’t know who I am. 1.3636 0.05407 132 94 28 10
1006 I'm trying to treat my humans like staff, but I just love them too much! 1.3631 0.04795 157 110 37 10
1007 Are you sure you’re okay with me being up on the couch? 1.3630 0.05313 146 106 27 13
1008 So you’re saying that my desire to chase you is just transference? 1.3630 0.05321 135 96 29 10
1009 Why do I let cats control me? 1.3629 0.05035 124 84 35 5
1010 I was told we would be doing some digging together. 1.3629 0.05649 124 89 25 10
1011 I just want you to like me. 1.3628 0.05343 113 77 31 5
1012 And when did you start to notice your obsession with chasing tail? 1.3628 0.05905 113 81 23 9
1013 I'm such a people-pleaser. 1.3627 0.06198 102 73 21 8
1014 It all started when they made me wear the Cone of Shame... 1.3627 0.06198 102 73 21 8
1015 Compulsive loyalty obsesses me. 1.3623 0.05137 138 97 32 9
1016 She's always saying, "Who's a good boy?" but she never says it's me 1.3623 0.05628 138 102 22 14
1017 But as I get older I start to wonder… who IS a good boy? 1.3623 0.05239 138 98 30 10
1018 What if I don't want to be everybody's best friend? 1.3621 0.04958 116 77 36 3
1019 Everyone always notices what the cat dragged in, but what about what I do?! 1.3619 0.05918 105 74 24 7
1020 I feel as though you're toying with me. 1.3617 0.05160 141 100 31 10
1021 Im stuck in this rat race 1.3617 0.06739 94 69 16 9
1022 Doctor, I've been a bad, bad boy! 1.3614 0.06980 83 60 16 7
1023 I could have told you that Freudian analyzing a Jungian just won't work . 1.3613 0.05690 119 85 25 9
1024 My fetching just isn’t what it used to be. 1.3613 0.04657 155 107 40 8
1025 She fell in love with a cat. 1.3611 0.05652 108 75 27 6
1026 Is it too much to ask that the world throw me a bone every now and again? 1.3611 0.05271 144 104 28 12
1027 My mother? She was such a bitch. 1.3611 0.05497 108 74 29 5
1028 You mean he’s not my best friend? 1.3608 0.06419 97 70 19 8
1029 And are these ‘squirrels’ in the room with us now? 1.3607 0.05943 122 90 20 12
1030 I feel like my owner fetishizes that I’m a rescue. 1.3605 0.05709 86 57 27 2
1031 I'm in the doghouse again and I don't see how you could possibly relate. 1.3603 0.04859 136 93 37 6
1032 But, Doc, the ‘wow’ ‘s gone from my ‘bow.’ 1.3603 0.05589 136 100 23 13
1033 I hate to admit this, but I like eating your poop. 1.3600 0.05495 125 89 27 9
1034 Tell someone who cares. 1.3600 0.06280 100 72 20 8
1035 Is a fire hydrant sometimes just a fire hydrant? 1.3600 0.06280 100 72 20 8
1036 Fluffy recommended you. 1.3596 0.05157 114 77 33 4
1037 I see cats everywhere! 1.3594 0.05516 128 92 26 10
1038 I'm here because I'm not allowed on the couches at home. 1.3594 0.05404 128 91 28 9
1039 I am having great difficulties coping with the extinction of humans" 1.3594 0.05171 128 89 32 7
1040 Sorry I said there's more than one way to Skinner a cat. Freudian slip. 1.3592 0.06450 103 76 17 10
1041 I am sure you hear this all the time, but my mother really was a bitch. 1.3592 0.05505 142 105 23 14
1042 And when did you discover this attraction for fire hydrants? 1.3590 0.05753 117 84 24 9
1043 It’s all about trust. When was the last time you saw a cat on a leash? 1.3590 0.05624 117 83 26 8
1044 I see cats everywhere I go. 1.3588 0.05205 131 92 31 8
1045 I didn't think you'd understand. 1.3587 0.06101 92 64 23 5
1046 I just wish they’d go back to the office… 1.3583 0.06126 120 90 17 13
1047 So... What you're telling me is... All this time... I've actually been a bad boy? 1.3582 0.05443 134 97 26 11
1048 Why are we the ones that always have to be walked? 1.3582 0.04901 134 95 32 7
1049 Are you writing or licking? 1.3581 0.05252 148 108 27 13
1050 I’m over dog food. I want to go to nice restaurants. 1.3580 0.07095 81 59 15 7
1051 I'm sorry, our hour is up. You shouldn't have circled around the couch for so long before laying down. 1.3579 0.06679 95 70 16 9
1052 How would you know if I’m barking up the wrong tree? 1.3578 0.05456 109 75 29 5
1053 I can't believe I'm telling my problems to a cat. 1.3578 0.06186 109 80 19 10
1054 I can't even sniff someone's butt anymore without worrying it might be misconstrued. 1.3571 0.05793 112 80 24 8
1055 So tell me, why do you lick yourself?” 1.3571 0.05371 140 102 26 12
1056 I don't know if you can understand what it is to be black. 1.3571 0.05906 126 94 19 13
1057 Why do I care so much? 1.3571 0.06699 84 60 18 6
1058 You were right about my mother... but I still can't bring myself to say it. 1.3571 0.06910 84 61 16 7
1059 My problems? All due to my mother. She was a bitch! 1.3571 0.05459 126 90 27 9
1060 I get the feeling you aren't listening to me. 1.3571 0.06195 112 83 18 11
1061 You say you love your mother, but you still call her a bitch 1.3566 0.05472 143 106 23 14
1062 I'm still waiting for my day. 1.3566 0.05590 129 94 24 11
1063 Sometimes I don't even know whose tail I'm even chasing. 1.3566 0.05255 129 91 30 8
1064 Are we still rivals? 1.3566 0.05255 129 91 30 8
1065 And here’s another pet peeve you can relate to… 1.3565 0.05686 115 82 25 8
1066 Wait, so you’re saying I SHOULD bury it? 1.3565 0.05411 115 80 29 6
1067 You whine a lot. 1.3564 0.06227 101 73 20 8
1068 It all started when I won Best in Show... 1.3564 0.05374 101 68 30 3
1069 I'm telling you doc, I just feel like I'm never gonna catch my tail. 1.3564 0.06384 101 74 18 9
1070 They always ask me who the good boy is, but never how the good boy is! :( 1.3562 0.05026 146 104 32 10
1071 Let me get this correct, you’ve lost the will to “fetch”? 1.3561 0.05704 132 98 21 13
1072 I tried your suggestion of an occasional cat nap -- it didn't help. 1.3561 0.05283 132 94 29 9
1073 I am a mixed-up breed. 1.3561 0.05392 132 95 27 10
1074 So are you still having dreams where your tail is chasing you?" 1.3561 0.05392 132 95 27 10
1075 Of course I’m depressed, it’s not like I’ve got nine lives. 1.3559 0.05584 118 84 26 8
1076 You're not even listening to me, are you? You're looking at that spider on the wall! 1.3558 0.06249 104 76 19 9
1077 ”Doc, why does it sound like a motor is running when I tell you my dreams? 1.3557 0.04863 149 105 35 9
1078 So I said to him, ‘Why CAN’T I learn new tricks?’ 1.3556 0.05511 135 99 24 12
1079 ...and that's when I realized I couldn't stay. 1.3556 0.06574 90 65 18 7
1080 Ever since I started transitioning, I’m torn between a fire hydrant and a litter box. 1.3556 0.06574 90 65 18 7
1081 I've gotta lay off the hallucinogenics, you're the cat therapist again. 1.3554 0.05487 121 86 27 8
1082 She left me because she said my bark was worse than my bite. 1.3551 0.05827 107 76 24 7
1083 That’s why I came to you- so you can help me learn to not care what they think. 1.3548 0.05748 124 91 22 11
1084 Not to be catty, but my mother was a bitch. 1.3548 0.05075 155 113 29 13
1085 How come no one makes you chase a stick? 1.3545 0.05860 110 79 23 8
1086 She came back from work again and asked me who the good boy is. 1.3545 0.05260 110 75 31 4
1087 Why is it that all of my best friends are humans? 1.3545 0.05716 110 78 25 7
1088 I dreamt that I was a stud dog. 1.3545 0.05860 110 79 23 8
1089 They rejected me as a Dogs Playing Poker model. 1.3545 0.06138 110 81 19 10
1090 Let me chew on that for awhile. 1.3543 0.05306 127 90 29 8
1091 What’s most distressing is that I don’t want to tear you apart. 1.3543 0.05423 127 91 27 9
1092 Life - and particularly my wife - is a bitch. 1.3543 0.05306 127 90 29 8
1093 So I said, Can’t I be a best friend and still have a life? 1.3540 0.05886 113 82 22 9
1094 Why don’t they say DOGS and CATS? 1.3540 0.05611 113 80 26 7
1095 It is all because my mother is a bitch. 1.3540 0.05750 113 81 24 8
1096 How does that make me feel? Usually hungry 1.3538 0.05660 130 96 22 12
1097 It's a dog eat dog world out there. 1.3535 0.06144 99 71 21 7
1098 Do you ever feel you’re just chasing your tail? 1.3535 0.05799 99 69 25 5
1099 Who’s a good boy? they say. “I dunno, who? I say 1.3535 0.06628 99 74 15 10
1100 Every night it's the same dream. It's my mother, and she's saying, 'I guess I'm just more of a cat person.' 1.3535 0.05974 99 70 23 6
1101 And then, unlike other puppies, I felt a deep desire to play with balls of yarn. 1.3534 0.05645 116 83 25 8
1102 The ball under the sofa is a huge concern! 1.3534 0.05776 116 84 23 9
1103 What would you know about the dog days of summer. 1.3529 0.05282 119 83 30 6
1104 I think the only reason I keep coming back is because this is the only place I'm allowed on the couch 1.3529 0.06633 85 61 18 6
1105 Yes, I do remember PUSSY GALORE! 1.3529 0.05415 119 84 28 7
1106 Should I be concerned that I don't want to kill you? 1.3529 0.05853 102 72 24 6
1107 I ‘m always too eager to please people all the time. That’s why my last therapist recommended I come to you. He said you could help me see things from a different perspective.” 1.3529 0.05063 136 96 32 8
1108 I'm not sure meow mix is going to fix the problem, doctor. 1.3525 0.05092 139 99 31 9
1109 ‘Pussy whipped’ is no longer an acceptable diagnosis. 1.3524 0.06049 105 76 21 8
1110 We have just begun to scratch the surface." 1.3524 0.06199 105 77 19 9
1111 Curiosity killed the cat… 1.3523 0.06865 88 65 15 8
1112 I know I shouldn’t care, but how can I know for sure if I’m really a “good boy”? 1.3520 0.05478 125 90 26 9
1113 I thought you were Jewish, Dr. Cats. 1.3520 0.05709 125 92 22 11
1114 He made me sit while he barked questions at me. 1.3519 0.05929 108 78 22 8
1115 You just don't get it. I am a dog person. 1.3517 0.05041 145 104 31 10
1116 I can’t climb a tree. 1.3516 0.06323 91 65 20 6
1117 Some days I just don't feel like I want to do my business. 1.3514 0.05955 111 81 21 9
1118 I'm not a good boy, and I keep learning new tricks.What do you think is wrong with me? 1.3514 0.05412 148 111 22 15
1119 I won the Ugly Dog contest. 1.3514 0.05377 111 77 29 5
1120 I dunno doc. Sometimes I wish they'd ask "how's the good boy". 1.3511 0.05410 131 95 26 10
1121 So I know I’m a dog but I really identify as feline. 1.3511 0.05301 131 94 28 9
1122 I was the runt of the litter... 1.3511 0.06715 94 70 15 9
1123 I' m in love with a cat! 1.3509 0.05973 114 84 20 10
1124 I hear you, but people pleaser is sort of my jam. 1.3507 0.05324 134 97 27 10
1125 I'm sure you won't understand, but I have this horrible will to please ... 1.3505 0.06561 97 72 16 9
1126 I can't agree that all my problems arose from my mother being a bitch. 1.3505 0.06225 97 70 20 7
1127 Then why can't I hear the whistle? 1.3505 0.06395 97 71 18 8
1128 Work is always: 'Fetch this!' and 'Fetch that!' Just throw me a bone. 1.3504 0.05051 117 80 33 4
1129 What's there to tell? My mother was a bitch and I never knew my father. 1.3504 0.05735 117 85 23 9
1130 In the dream, the tail is chasing me." 1.3500 0.05632 120 87 24 9
1131 It's extraordinarily difficult for me to talk about my inner felines. 1.3500 0.04708 160 114 36 10
1132 I don't know what it is, but I feel like I'm chasing something that I'll never catch. 1.3496 0.05535 123 89 25 9
1133 Sometimes I feel like the tail I'm chasing is my own. 1.3496 0.05030 123 85 33 5
1134 Have you considered an emotional support human? 1.3496 0.05770 123 91 21 11
1135 Doc, I'll be honest. Sometimes it feels like we're speaking two different languages. 1.3495 0.05640 103 72 26 5
1136 You don’t understand if you’re not a “Doodle” you’re nothing! 1.3495 0.05640 103 72 26 5
1137 Of course I’m anxious - I’m not supposed to be on the couch! 1.3494 0.06513 83 59 19 5
1138 I am having fantasies of you chasing me. 1.3493 0.05012 146 105 31 10
1139 The Transitioning has been going fairly well, but I am having a bit of trouble with the "Mee-oow" part 1.3492 0.05323 126 90 28 8
1140 People don’t expect cats to be good. 1.3492 0.05557 126 92 24 10
1141 Well, the vet said I needed a cat-scan. 1.3491 0.06149 106 78 19 9
1142 I just can't shake the feeling that I've been a bad, bad boy. 1.3491 0.05694 106 75 25 6
1143 Most days it feels like I’m chained to my desk. 1.3491 0.05694 106 75 25 6
1144 I think we’ve had enough sessions now, that we can take off the cat and dog heads. 1.3486 0.05884 109 79 22 8
1145 She called me a rare breed. But we both know that’s not true. 1.3486 0.05587 109 77 26 6
1146 I'm tired of barking up the wrong trees. 1.3486 0.05433 109 76 28 5
1147 Now you're just being catty. 1.3485 0.05376 132 96 26 10
1148 It's my mother, she is such a bitch! 1.3482 0.05772 112 81 23 8
1149 So after I read "Portrait of a Dog as a Young Man", and got involved with Eastern religions and realized thoughts are things, there was no going back. 1.3482 0.05631 112 80 25 7
1150 My mother may have been a bitch, but your father was a ... 1.3482 0.05338 112 78 29 5
1151 Doc, I've been having this dream that a cat is my therapist. 1.3482 0.05338 112 78 29 5
1152 I tried the knocking-things-over therapy you suggested, but it just made me feel like a bad boy. 1.3478 0.05799 115 84 22 9
1153 I've always identified as feline. 1.3478 0.05505 138 103 22 13
1154 He only praises me when I eat his homework. 1.3478 0.06056 115 86 18 11
1155 She said I was too needy. 1.3478 0.05872 92 64 24 4
1156 It was raining, you’ll pardon the expression, dogs and cats. 1.3478 0.05247 115 80 30 5
1157 What if being a good boy is as far as I can go in life. Can you relate? 1.3478 0.05390 115 81 28 6
1158 Doc, I’m not crazy! The vacuum cleaner is working with the mailman to overthrow the government! And the only way to stop it is to constantly bark at them until they go away! 1.3475 0.05419 141 105 23 13
1159 You say I have to be cured of my pathetic need to be loved ... It's not going to involve surgery this time, is it? 1.3475 0.05819 118 87 21 10
1160 I keep wanting to buy a pet human. 1.3475 0.05298 118 83 29 6
1161 When did people pleasing become a syndrome? 1.3475 0.05433 118 84 27 7
1162 But do I get more time if we count the minutes in dog years? 1.3475 0.05565 118 85 25 8
1163 To be honest, I had something else in mind when they said we were getting a therapy cat. 1.3475 0.05565 118 85 25 8
1164 So you’re saying - the good boy is in myself? 1.3474 0.05751 95 66 25 4
1165 and then she had the audacity to call me a pussy 1.3471 0.05593 121 88 24 9
1166 I never got over being the runt of the litter. 1.3471 0.05469 121 87 26 8
1167 I don't wanna wear these fucking pants 1.3469 0.05998 98 70 22 6
1168 He throws the ball and I look over, but it's not there. 1.3469 0.06171 98 71 20 7
1169 I know you only treat cats. But I identify as cat. 1.3468 0.05497 124 90 25 9
1170 What if you focused less on being a “good boy” and more on being a decent husband 1.3468 0.05377 124 89 27 8
1171 I had a ruff week. 1.3465 0.05705 101 71 25 5
1172 I chase the sticks, but it’s the ball of yarn I yearn for 1.3465 0.05405 127 92 26 9
1173 Some days I think I went into this just so she would call me a good boy. 1.3462 0.06536 78 55 19 4
1174 How do I tell them I’m not their best friend? 1.3462 0.05920 104 75 22 7
1175 Is fear of water your answer for everything? 1.3462 0.05920 104 75 22 7
1176 I dreamt a man bit me, and it was all over the news. 1.3462 0.05920 104 75 22 7
1177 My paranoia is getting worse – I'm thinking I even bore you. 1.3462 0.05595 104 73 26 5
1178 So you really want to be a cat? 1.3459 0.05124 133 95 30 8
1179 I feel like it's been ages since I learnt any new tricks. 1.3458 0.05954 107 78 21 8
1180 This is karma I guess. 1.3458 0.05650 107 76 25 6
1181 I've been dreaming of balls again... 1.3458 0.05650 107 76 25 6
1182 In my dream, the rain... is like us 1.3458 0.05804 107 77 23 7
1183 Why do you think bringing the ball back makes you his best friend? 1.3458 0.05804 107 77 23 7
1184 Even at the higher dose the catnip does nothing for me. 1.3458 0.05492 107 75 27 5
1185 Is this still legal in the red states? 1.3457 0.07062 81 60 14 7
1186 Fetch this. Fetch that. I just don't feel like it's going anywhere. 1.3455 0.05546 110 78 26 6
1187 I think the monsters in my dreams symbolize vacuum cleaners. 1.3455 0.05546 110 78 26 6
1188 Do you think my problem is that I am being too dogged? 1.3451 0.05446 113 80 27 6
1189 There are times I feel you don’t understand a thing I say 1.3451 0.05589 113 81 25 7
1190 Lately I’ve been feeling like I’m just running around in circles. 1.3448 0.05210 116 81 30 5
1191 Once again Mr. Fido, when did you first start thinking of your mother as a bitch? 1.3448 0.05757 116 85 22 9
1192 No offense, but it's all I can to do to keep from chasing you out of your own office. 1.3445 0.05124 119 83 31 5
1193 And I have to pee outside. It isn't fair. 1.3444 0.06153 90 64 21 5
1194 I know that you probably can't relate to my attraction to fire plugs, but.... 1.3444 0.05946 90 63 23 4
1195 Is it ethically appropriate for us to continue these sessions given that I’ve, well… eaten out of your litter box? 1.3443 0.05793 122 91 20 11
1196 I’m worried that you won’t help me overcome my fear of cats”. 1.3441 0.05616 93 64 26 3
1197 It’s time to come out of the kennel. I like to play with string. 1.3440 0.05577 125 92 23 10
1198 She always asks who's the good boy, but never how's the good boy. 1.3438 0.05702 96 67 25 4
1199 The hounds of spring are now on winter's traces. 1.3438 0.06594 96 72 15 9
1200 Sounds like you’ve been chasing your own tail, Rex. 1.3438 0.05014 128 90 32 6
1201 Sometimes I feel that you don't really understand me 1.3434 0.05772 99 70 24 5
1202 I dream about chasing cats 1.3434 0.06119 99 72 20 7
1203 Why should you get nine lives when I only get one? 1.3434 0.05772 99 70 24 5
1204 Strangely enough, I'm a therapy dog who needs therapy. 1.3431 0.05659 102 72 25 5
1205 I just want people to like me. 1.3431 0.05992 102 74 21 7
1206 it's just not a dogs world anymore... 1.3429 0.05552 105 74 26 5
1207 As Felix listened to yet another patient ramble, he began to ponder how his life might have been different had he just remained an indoor cat. 1.3426 0.06052 108 80 19 9
1208 I mean, does it have to be a dog eat dog world? 1.3426 0.05759 108 78 23 7
1209 I’m tired of jumping through hoops. 1.3423 0.05651 111 80 24 7
1210 I guess it finally hit me I've never been a good boy to myself. 1.3423 0.05108 149 110 27 12
1211 They told me I needed to start working like a dog. 1.3421 0.04957 114 78 33 3
1212 I really miss licking myself. 1.3421 0.05687 114 83 23 8
1213 Do any of your patients actually catch lasers ? 1.3421 0.05407 114 81 27 6
1214 I want to be independent but every time he gives me a treat I cave and follow him around like a puppy. 1.3419 0.04881 155 113 31 11
1215 You don't understand. My mother really was a bitch. 1.3417 0.05736 120 89 21 10
1216 If we want to emulate humans, must we include their hang ups? 1.3415 0.05516 123 90 24 9
1217 It was a nightmare. Can you imagine if cats & dogs fought in real life? 1.3415 0.05141 123 87 30 6
1218 My boss is a squirrel and he makes me crazy.' 1.3415 0.05141 123 87 30 6
1219 Before we get started I'm going to have to ask you to get off the couch... 1.3412 0.06809 85 63 15 7
1220 I sleep all night, most of the day and when my owner gets home, I’m told to go lie down. 1.3412 0.06385 85 61 19 5
1221 I mean, loyalty counts for something, right? 1.3412 0.06161 85 60 21 4
1222 Is it because I don't poop in a box? 1.3411 0.05335 129 94 26 9
1223 Why are dogs always so needy? 1.3409 0.06442 88 64 18 6
1224 She thinks I just lay around and sleep all day while she's gone. 1.3409 0.06442 88 64 18 6
1225 The hissing isn't helping my self confidence. 1.3409 0.06442 88 64 18 6
1226 I've never gotten into the dog eat dog life. 1.3409 0.06023 88 62 22 4
1227 My father chased cats too. 1.3407 0.05274 135 99 26 10
1228 You would not believe the pressure I'm under to be a good boy. 1.3407 0.05893 91 64 23 4
1229 I knew you would listen to me because cats are so curious 1.3407 0.06294 91 66 19 6
1230 I just can’t help feeling that whatever I say is going to somehow be used against me. 1.3404 0.06688 94 71 14 9
1231 Just tell me I can land on my feet after all this 1.3404 0.06154 94 68 20 6
1232 It began when they named me Rover...I felt lost ever since. 1.3403 0.04743 144 102 35 7
1233 I know you said I should face my fears but vacuum sales is just not working out. 1.3400 0.05898 100 72 22 6
1234 It's so humiliating, but I love to play with string! 1.3400 0.05545 100 70 26 4
1235 I no longer have the urge to chase cats. 1.3400 0.05360 100 69 28 3
1236 Is it possible that you have a conflict of interest? 1.3400 0.04990 150 110 29 11
1237 Ok, word association isn't really going to be a useful therapy tool if all you can think of is 'bone'. 1.3398 0.05264 103 71 29 3
1238 Sit. Lie down. Speak. 1.3398 0.05614 103 73 25 5
1239 You should make yourself happy, not others happy. 1.3396 0.06271 106 80 16 10
1240 So, running across an 8 lane highway will build my self confidence? 1.3396 0.05978 106 78 20 8
1241 I've been a depressed boy. 1.3396 0.05978 106 78 20 8
1242 It’s always “let’s go for a W-A-L-K” and never “let’s have a T-A-L-K.” 1.3396 0.05669 106 76 24 6
1243 A Dog Day Afternoon 1.3396 0.06271 106 80 16 10
1244 I know I’m a good boy but what if that’s just not enough? 1.3394 0.05409 109 77 27 5
1245 I think I'm turning into a bit of a dog person 1.3394 0.05714 109 79 23 7
1246 Could you please stop referring to my mother as “the bitch”? 1.3393 0.05750 112 82 22 8
1247 I just haven’t been myself since the hairballs started. 1.3393 0.05609 112 81 24 7
1248 My wife and I are fighting like cats and dogs. 1.3391 0.05909 115 86 19 10
1249 But what does it mean to REALLY be a ‘good boy’? 1.3391 0.05645 115 84 23 8
1250 My mother? She was a real bitch. 1.3388 0.05574 121 89 23 9
1251 I know I could have used a litter box if they would have just let me try it. 1.3388 0.05321 121 87 27 7
1252 Sometimes I think you are just toying with me. 1.3386 0.04901 127 89 33 5
1253 And then…. Hey! Are you even listening to me? 1.3386 0.05387 127 93 25 9
1254 It’s kind of weird that we have human bodies. I guess it’s because if you drew a normal dog lying on its back you’d have to draw the dog’s dick. 1.3377 0.07066 77 57 14 6
1255 I used to find her attractive. Now I just want to chase my own tail. 1.3377 0.06299 77 54 20 3
1256 I know you probably think I'm just whining... 1.3376 0.04995 157 117 27 13
1257 Why don't I want to chase you anymore? 1.3375 0.06643 80 58 17 5
1258 I never had my day, and that really bugs me. 1.3375 0.07103 80 60 13 7
1259 I just can’t ignore humans when they call my name like you’d suggested. 1.3372 0.06535 86 63 17 6
1260 Nobody really understands me except Pete Best. I was the original drummer for Three Dog Night. 1.3372 0.06535 86 63 17 6
1261 I know I am man's best friend but is man mine? 1.3371 0.06381 89 65 18 6
1262 I TRY to be a Good Boy! But really, what's the point? 1.3368 0.06627 95 72 14 9
1263 If I'm their best friend, why do I have to sit up and beg? 1.3368 0.05913 95 68 22 5
1264 I know it's foolish but I can't help be feel guilty about about spraying every fire hydrant. 1.3368 0.06280 95 70 18 7
1265 It started when my mother named me "Stay." 1.3367 0.06313 98 73 17 8
1266 So I said "Hey, some of my best friends are cats." 1.3367 0.05971 98 71 21 6
1267 Tell me how this insatiable desire to please came about. 1.3367 0.05607 98 69 25 4
1268 I was alone all day, and it was horrible! You know what I mean? 1.3367 0.05607 98 69 25 4
1269 My owner won't go back to his office! 1.3366 0.06016 101 74 20 7
1270 She was a you-know-what, my mother. 1.3366 0.05849 101 73 22 6
1271 I feel like everyone's so aloof — even you. 1.3365 0.06051 104 77 19 8
1272 Who says a dog can't be aloof? 1.3365 0.05734 104 75 23 6
1273 You know Waldo, we must discuss the car chasing eventually. 1.3365 0.05895 104 76 21 7
1274 And these ‘cats’… are they with us in the room right now? 1.3365 0.06051 104 77 19 8
1275 Am I too needy? 1.3364 0.05133 107 74 30 3
1276 Have you ever considered the possibility that you’ve been chasing after the wrong things? 1.3364 0.05625 107 77 24 6
1277 You got my tongue doc. 1.3364 0.05522 110 79 25 6
1278 This is the first piece of furniture I've been on in years. 1.3364 0.05211 110 77 29 4
1279 Doc, I just can't seem to learn any new tricks. 1.3364 0.05671 110 80 23 7
1280 So, aside from your feelings of guilt about being on the couch, is there anything else you'd like to talk about? 1.3364 0.05816 110 81 21 8
1281 I keep dreaming I’m on a hot tin roof. 1.3364 0.06096 110 83 17 10
1282 In a dog-eat-dog world I don't understand how cats fit in. 1.3363 0.05567 113 82 24 7
1283 They treat me like a dog, but I just can't stop loving them! 1.3363 0.05844 113 84 20 9
1284 Look, I don't expect you to get this, but every time he calls my name, I run to his side. 1.3363 0.05844 113 84 20 9
1285 These dog days are getting me down. You, doctor couldn’t possibly understand! 1.3363 0.05567 113 82 24 7
1286 It was a terrible dream. A wolf was following me in sheep’s clothing. 1.3362 0.04889 116 80 33 3
1287 Sometimes I just feel like I’m barking up the wrong tree. 1.3361 0.05021 122 86 31 5
1288 But my inner validation is being a good boy. 1.3359 0.04675 131 91 36 4
1289 Sometimes I think you don't care. 1.3359 0.04920 131 93 32 6
1290 I mean, you must chase cars too, right doc? 1.3359 0.05266 131 96 26 9
1291 It stresses me out that you get to sit but I have to lie down. 1.3359 0.05153 131 95 28 8
1292 I just wonder sometimes if any of us are "good boys." 1.3333 0.06224 96 71 18 7
1293 In my dream it was raining like…well, you know. 1.3333 0.06299 105 80 15 10
1294 It’s easy for you to say…I have to live a dog’s life, you at least get nine to work out your issues. 1.3333 0.05966 102 75 20 7
1295 My wife is part pit bull. If she finds out we’re both dead. 1.3333 0.05694 117 87 21 9
1296 Yeah, but to you being cool comes naturally. 1.3333 0.05475 96 67 26 3
1297 The weirdest part wasn't burying bones or chasing after cars, it was when I killed you like eight times and you wouldn't die. 1.3333 0.06632 84 62 16 6
1298 Nobody told me you're famous. Nice boots! 1.3333 0.05688 105 76 23 6
1299 You know Dr., I’m really not sensing much empathy here. 1.3333 0.05581 108 78 24 6
1300 So why aren't you saying something? Cat got your tongue? 1.3333 0.05383 114 82 26 6
1301 Am I too old to be a good boy? 1.3333 0.06179 93 68 19 6
1302 Am I a good boy though, Doc? Am I? 1.3333 0.05822 117 88 19 10
1303 I try to be good, but then there was the incident at Take Your Dog to Work day. 1.3333 0.06120 90 65 20 5
1304 I still don’t understand my addiction to kitty porn… 1.3333 0.05120 132 99 25 8
1305 Please help me Doc, I can’t stop killing cats! 1.3333 0.06258 99 74 17 8
1306 My mother? She was a bitch. 1.3333 0.06002 105 78 19 8
1307 I'm sorry...was that sarcasm? 1.3333 0.05883 108 80 20 8
1308 When we're done, what'ya say I chase you up a tree. 1.3333 0.05819 87 61 23 3
1309 And how did you feel when he buried your bone? 1.3333 0.06515 90 67 16 7
1310 I don't know if this is transference, but I want to jump off this couch and chase you around the room. 1.3333 0.05336 120 87 26 7
1311 And if you ever managed to catch one,what then? 1.3333 0.05688 105 76 23 6
1312 I’m a people person at heart. Surely you can relate? 1.3333 0.05801 102 74 22 6
1313 i’m starting to feel and act independent and aloof! 1.3333 0.07027 81 61 13 7
1314 But, I am a good boy. Yes, I am. Yes, I am. 1.3333 0.06029 108 81 18 9
1315 No I don’t generally have trust issues. 1.3333 0.05328 111 79 27 5
1316 I have but one life to live. 1.3333 0.05801 102 74 22 6
1317 So,a friend of a friend said I should ask you about getting one of those Emotional Support Human letters. You know, for traveling… 1.3333 0.05480 111 80 25 6
1318 My owner said I need to be cat friendly. What does that even mean? 1.3333 0.05429 117 85 25 7
1319 You can still be a good boy and think your mother was a bitch. 1.3333 0.05688 105 76 23 6
1320 I'm not like you. They make me use the bathroom outside and it's just so demeaning. 1.3333 0.05800 114 85 20 9
1321 She says I lack commitment because I don't want puppies. 1.3333 0.05987 93 67 21 5
1322 But why can't I be my own best friend? 1.3333 0.07132 72 53 14 5
1323 I'm thinking of changing my pronoun from "it". 1.3333 0.05593 120 89 22 9
1324 It’s called “The Good Boy Complex” 1.3333 0.05788 93 66 23 4
1325 I am tired of all the people-pleasing and playing the clown in this dysfunctional family. 1.3333 0.06421 99 75 15 9
1326 Maybe they just don't want that ball, try bringing them a dead bird next time and let's see how it goes. 1.3333 0.05801 102 74 22 6
1327 I can tell you’re not listening to me. I can hear you purring. 1.3333 0.05631 102 73 24 5
1328 Have _you_ ever gotten caught humping the neighbor’s leg under the table? 1.3333 0.05201 129 94 27 8
1329 It's always sit, stay, fetch. You know, the general stress of being a companion animal. 1.3309 0.05328 136 102 23 11
1330 I'm tired of sniffing people's crotches... 1.3308 0.04859 133 95 32 6
1331 Have you tried incessant insubordination and a lack of the most basic understanding of affection? We’ve seen terrific results. 1.3308 0.05198 133 98 26 9
1332 Transitioning from dog to cat is a serious step. How long have you felt like you are really a cat in a dog’s body? 1.3306 0.05337 124 91 25 8
1333 But how do I be my own best friend? 1.3306 0.05428 121 89 24 8
1334 I’m sorry, I guess the cat has my tongue. 1.3304 0.05289 112 80 27 5
1335 I just have a feeling that you don't have my best interests at heart... 1.3304 0.06001 112 85 17 10
1336 He gets this ukulele and sings, "My Dog Has Fleas". I'm disgusting! 1.3303 0.05383 109 78 26 5
1337 The thrill of the chase, its Gone ! 1.3302 0.05800 106 78 21 7
1338 It all starts with my mother. Not to be catty, but she's a bitch. 1.3302 0.05643 106 77 23 6
1339 I think I have feline tendencies. 1.3302 0.05643 106 77 23 6
1340 And then I heard her telling him that he's a good boy. Do you think she's cheating on me? 1.3302 0.05482 106 76 25 5
1341 Lately I don’t feel like a particularly good boy.” 1.3301 0.05586 103 74 24 5
1342 I feel like a pussy. 1.3301 0.05917 103 76 20 7
1343 So…. It appears the cat’s got your tongue today 1.3301 0.05753 103 75 22 6
1344 All she wants to do is have me fetch this and fetch that. 1.3300 0.05695 100 72 23 5
1345 My owner doesn’t understand me. 1.3300 0.05515 100 71 25 4
1346 I don’t know what I’m chasing anymore. 1.3300 0.06204 100 75 17 8
1347 Are you sure I'm allowed to be on the couch? 1.3299 0.05429 97 68 26 3
1348 Now when I go on my neighbor’s lawn, they arrest me. 1.3299 0.06508 97 74 14 9
1349 I even brought them a dead mouse like you suggested, but I still don't know who's a good boy! 1.3299 0.05993 97 71 20 6
1350 Just once I wish someone would say to me, “Here Doggy Doggy”. 1.3299 0.06169 97 72 18 7
1351 You’re treating me like a mouse! 1.3299 0.05993 97 71 20 6
1352 You think I'm barking up the wrong tree? 1.3299 0.05623 97 69 24 4
1353 I'm too tied down to my work. Sometimes I feel like just knocking things off the desk, walking across the keyboard, and showing my butt to everyone watching. Do you know the feeling? 1.3298 0.06123 94 69 19 6
1354 I dreamed that I chased you and you climbed a tree. When I woke up, my depression and anxiety had gone away. Weird, huh. 1.3298 0.05534 94 66 25 3
1355 He promised we would toss the ball, but something always came up. 1.3298 0.06307 94 70 17 7
1356 Worshipped by ancient Egyptians? Seriously? Get real and run after a stick. 1.3298 0.06123 94 69 19 6
1357 Catnip for you, a bone for me. Is that all there is? 1.3298 0.06307 94 70 17 7
1358 I find using a litter box to be very cathartic. 1.3297 0.06261 91 67 18 6
1359 I don’t think this animal assisted therapy is quite working out. 1.3297 0.06454 91 68 16 7
1360 I find your turtleneck accusatory. 1.3297 0.06454 91 68 16 7
1361 In my dream, the ball I chase turns out to be made of yarn. 1.3295 0.06409 88 65 17 6
1362 You may have nine but I only have one - and I'm tired of spending it on a leash! 1.3295 0.06201 88 64 19 5
1363 Is there something wrong with me Doc? I'm attracted to Cats not dogs. 1.3294 0.06565 85 63 16 6
1364 It's dog-eat-dog out there. 1.3293 0.06733 82 61 15 6
1365 Turns out, on the Internet, everyone knew I was a dog 1.3291 0.06912 79 59 14 6
1366 So tell me, how long have you had these delusional thoughts that dogs were smarter than cats? 1.3284 0.05165 134 99 26 9
1367 How can you possibly understand how hard it is to control your emotions when everyone wants to pet you? 1.3282 0.04778 131 93 33 5
1368 You always make me chase after you,just like my mother used to. 1.3277 0.05352 119 87 25 7
1369 I know I’m supposed to be his support animal but at some point you have to take responsibility for your own emotions. I’m starting to become resentful. 1.3277 0.05612 119 89 21 9
1370 So the catnip isn’t working? 1.3274 0.05250 113 81 27 5
1371 Tell me more about this Rat Race. 1.3274 0.05684 113 84 21 8
1372 You’ll never understand ….He went for a walk and didn’t come back for 15 minutes !! 1.3274 0.05821 113 85 19 9
1373 Woof, woof. Am I right? 1.3274 0.05097 113 80 29 4
1374 I just don’t feel you understand my issues 1.3273 0.05792 110 82 20 8
1375 Accounting is a dog-eat-dog world. 1.3273 0.05342 110 79 26 5
1376 repeat after me: one must first be willing to let go of loyalty to gain total domination 1.3273 0.05934 110 83 18 9
1377 My father collected sticks but I never saw myself that way 1.3273 0.05342 110 79 26 5
1378 You're not going to like this dream, either. 1.3271 0.05274 107 76 27 4
1379 Sure, I have a desire to please, but no one ever called me stupid for it before. 1.3269 0.05541 104 75 24 5
1380 I’m sure you can guess the one word that describes my mother. 1.3267 0.05648 101 73 23 5
1381 I didn’t think my wife being a feline would cause so many problems. 1.3267 0.06465 101 78 13 10
1382 It’s so unfair. The cat’s pajamas. The cat’s meow. Why the dog days of summer? 1.3267 0.05988 101 75 19 7
1383 I can't help it. When he leaves for work, I miss him. 1.3267 0.05648 101 73 23 5
1384 The poodle got the promotion and I'm just supposed to roll over!" Heidi Roe, Myrtle Point, Oregon 1.3265 0.05941 98 72 20 6
1385 ...and every time I look outside, that dog that looks just like me is staring right back. I can't take it anymore! 1.3265 0.05384 98 69 26 3
1386 I dreamed I wanted to play fetch with my mother and maul my father. 1.3265 0.05941 98 72 20 6
1387 You're not listening. 1.3265 0.06115 98 73 18 7
1388 I barked and barked, but I couldn’t do anything because I had to stay inside and be a good boy. 1.3265 0.05941 98 72 20 6
1389 I have a real problem with tail- chasing - my own! 1.3265 0.05761 98 71 22 5
1390 I’m concerned my bark is worse than my bite. 1.3263 0.05881 95 69 21 5
1391 I know I'm a good boy. So why is that never good enough? 1.3261 0.06008 92 67 20 5
1392 Is it just me or is the vacuum cleaner really out to get me? 1.3261 0.06393 92 69 16 7
1393 Have you tried ignoring everyone and making your problems their's? 1.3261 0.06756 92 71 12 9
1394 And sometimes…I think the ‘good boy’ might be someone else entirely. 1.3261 0.05596 92 65 24 3
1395 I'm afraid I'm attracted to members of the opposite species. 1.3259 0.04913 135 98 30 7
1396 I can't fake the tail wag anymore. 1.3258 0.06347 89 66 17 6
1397 I think it's time we address your animal nature. 1.3258 0.06347 89 66 17 6
1398 Sometimes when I’m home alone, I walk around the house on all fours. 1.3258 0.06143 89 65 19 5
1399 It's called unconditional love, and I just can't help myself. 1.3258 0.05712 89 63 23 3
1400 Mrs. Bowser says I'm needy. 1.3258 0.05931 89 64 21 4
1401 How do you know what to do with 9 lives? I don't even know what to do with this one! 1.3258 0.05213 132 98 25 9
1402 My parents wanted me to go to obedience school, so I went. But what I really wanted to do was dance.” 1.3256 0.06286 86 63 18 5
1403 They did my DNA and I was devastated to learn that I am only 5% doodle. 1.3256 0.06500 86 64 16 6
1404 Given our diverse species, how can we ever establish rapport? 1.3256 0.06286 86 63 18 5
1405 It's all just so scary. I mean, we only get one shot at this thing called life, right? 1.3254 0.05615 126 96 19 11
1406 …and in my nightmare it’s a ball of yarn I fetch. 1.3254 0.05143 126 92 27 7
1407 My wife says I should wag my tail less if I want to be taken seriously. What do you think? 1.3253 0.05965 83 59 21 3
1408 It is silly and it hurts when I wag with my pants on 1.3253 0.06206 83 60 19 4
1409 I feel like I have only one life to live. 1.3252 0.04965 123 88 30 5
1410 Perhaps "chasing your tail" is symbolic for your feelings of complacency. 1.3250 0.06358 80 58 18 4
1411 It's just tricks, treats and manipulation...I just don't feel like being Man's best friend anymore. Isn't there another animal that can fill that role? 1.3250 0.07065 80 61 12 7
1412 I’m not a bad dog, I’m just misunderstood. 1.3250 0.05314 120 88 25 7
1413 Why is every mess always my fault? 1.3250 0.05181 120 87 27 6
1414 how can you compare nine lives to one? 1.3250 0.05044 120 86 29 5
1415 You ever feel like you’re just chasing your tail? 1.3248 0.04830 117 82 32 3
1416 Tell me about your breeder. 1.3247 0.06778 77 57 15 5
1417 Sure, I've got the great job, nice house, perfect family - but what's it all mean if I never catch that squirrel? 1.3247 0.06778 77 57 15 5
1418 I was just marking my territory around the office… 1.3247 0.07025 77 58 13 6
1419 I am dog tired all the time 1.3247 0.06253 77 55 19 3
1420 Doc, will I ever be satisfied when I finally catch a car? 1.3243 0.05302 111 80 26 5
1421 Have you considered chasing yarn? 1.3243 0.07479 74 57 10 7
1422 I mean,you probably never get like that,you have nine lives. 1.3243 0.05807 74 51 22 1
1423 And then..after a long day at the office,I come back to a mess and he wants to play fetch. 1.3243 0.06413 74 53 18 3
1424 They said I was the cat's meow. 1.3241 0.05074 145 109 25 11
1425 Let's assume you are me,..... 1.3241 0.05858 108 81 19 8
1426 They keep asking me to speak, but I feel like they never listen. 1.3238 0.06419 105 82 12 11
1427 What do you mean I see everything in black and white? 1.3238 0.05496 105 76 24 5
1428 Actually, I’m only here because you let me on the couch. 1.3233 0.05179 133 99 25 9
1429 ... but I identify as feline. 1.3232 0.05712 99 72 22 5
1430 Of course I’m not sleeping. You try being best friend to a whole species. 1.3232 0.06062 99 74 18 7
1431 I’m so depressed I don’t even chase cats anymore 1.3232 0.06062 99 74 18 7
1432 And every time I pull the squeaker out of the toy. 1.3232 0.05142 99 69 28 2
1433 Yes, I was forcibly castrated. But I’m over it. 1.3232 0.05712 99 72 22 5
1434 I just can't lift my leg like I used to. 1.3231 0.05030 130 95 28 7
1435 Can we take a quick break for me to chase my tail? 1.3229 0.05638 96 69 23 4
1436 No, Doc, I don’t think the catnip is helping. 1.3226 0.05547 93 66 24 3
1437 I feel like I'm just out there chasing my tail 1.3226 0.05332 93 65 26 2
1438 How about a little chase after the session? 1.3226 0.06516 93 71 14 8
1439 What are you afraid of? I don't bark. 1.3226 0.06146 93 69 18 6
1440 It's like you think you're the roadrunner, but everyone knows you're really the coyote." 1.3226 0.06516 93 71 14 8
1441 And what would happen if you let someone else be the good boy for a little while? 1.3226 0.05191 124 91 26 7
1442 They said it and said it, but I knew it wasn't true. 1.3223 0.04578 121 84 35 2
1443 I see. Why do you think you are obsessed with felines? 1.3223 0.05009 121 87 29 5
1444 I come from a long line of cataphobes. 1.3222 0.05876 90 65 21 4
1445 "They called me a 'bad boy', and then this cat just smirked at me." 1.3220 0.05500 118 88 22 8
1446 You make "setting a boundary" sound so easy. 1.3220 0.05757 118 90 18 10
1447 You know, you’re right…it is a dog-eat-dog world. 1.3220 0.05367 118 87 24 7
1448 I had a nightmare: my therapist had transformed in a cat 1.3218 0.06224 87 64 18 5
1449 I’m improving—I no longer want to bite your head off. 1.3218 0.06224 87 64 18 5
1450 I’m having difficulty with transference. 1.3217 0.05319 115 84 25 6
1451 man... you never know when they are going to hide the pill in the fcking meat, im just tired 1.3217 0.05461 115 85 23 7
1452 I think you need to stay outside more. 1.3214 0.06595 84 63 15 6
1453 I feel like I don’t receive enough belly rubs. 1.3214 0.06595 84 63 15 6
1454 I can't get Bob Barker's sign-off out of my head. 1.3214 0.05703 112 84 20 8
1455 I keep having this nightmare that I’m chasing you. 1.3214 0.05906 84 60 21 3
1456 So you have a bone to pick with me? 1.3214 0.06111 112 87 14 11
1457 I walk myself. I walk myself. I walk myself. 1.3214 0.06374 84 62 17 5
1458 It’s called separation anxiety , and…HEY, are you even LISTENING? 1.3214 0.06374 84 62 17 5
1459 So she went on a walk without you… 1.3214 0.06595 84 63 15 6
1460 They made me wear clothes! 1.3214 0.06595 84 63 15 6
1461 I have nightmares about chasing mice. 1.3211 0.05512 109 80 23 6
1462 'I try to be detached, but "Who's a good boy!" always gets me!' 1.3211 0.05512 109 80 23 6
1463 Never, ever, has she fetched the stick. And I’ve never caught a mouse. 1.3211 0.05812 109 82 19 8
1464 You can’t relate to this, but They are obsessed about pooping. 1.3211 0.05956 109 83 17 9
1465 My conclusion being that you are of sound mind and I will talk to the pharmacist and get you the drugs to start the transition process. It’s important to embrace your new urges, playing with yarn, warm milk, even hissing… 1.3210 0.06533 81 60 16 5
1466 Saying I’m the “cat’s meow” is not helping me with my gender identity. 1.3209 0.05360 134 102 21 11
1467 Always good boy. Never outstanding boy, excellent boy! 1.3208 0.06076 106 81 16 9
1468 What mice? Who's dream is this anyway..? 1.3208 0.06222 106 82 14 10
1469 I thought I had this thing . . . well, licked. 1.3208 0.05453 106 77 24 5
1470 He just keeps coming to the door over and over again, bringing the mail, everyday, how can they stand it? 1.3205 0.06450 78 57 17 4
1471 My wife, she doesn't play fetch anymore." 1.3205 0.05623 78 54 23 1
1472 My wife thinks I’m a pussy. 1.3205 0.06450 78 57 17 4
1473 They’re gone all day again and I don’t know what I did to drive them away. 1.3205 0.05911 78 55 21 2
1474 I feel so embarrassed, my wife caught me chasing my tail 1.3205 0.05911 78 55 21 2
1475 They kidnapped my puppies. 1.3204 0.05888 103 77 19 7
1476 Other dogs tease me because I like cats. 1.3204 0.05724 103 76 21 6
1477 They started dressing me like this when I was a pup. 1.3204 0.05556 103 75 23 5
1478 I just don't know who I am, Doc. I think it all began when she named me Mittens. 1.3204 0.06048 103 78 17 8
1479 Admit it. You don't like me. And don't give me any of that b.s. about transference. 1.3203 0.05075 128 94 27 7
1480 Deep down I know I truly am a good boy. 1.3200 0.05664 100 73 22 5
1481 Just once I'd like to hear it's raining dogs and cats. 1.3200 0.05840 100 74 20 6
1482 No offense, Doc, but your putting out that superiority vibe again. 1.3200 0.06010 100 75 18 7
1483 It just wags. No matter how hard I try,it won't stop. 1.3200 0.05664 100 73 22 5
1484 I know I shouldn’t fall for it, but when he rubs my chin, I get all gooey inside and I lose my defined boundaries. 1.3200 0.05483 100 72 24 4
1485 So then they broke the treat into two pieces, and told me I’d had two. 1.3196 0.06139 97 73 17 7
1486 Your problem is that your mother was a bitch. 1.3196 0.05778 97 71 21 5
1487 It's a dog's life -- but you don't have to be so smug about it. 1.3196 0.05961 97 72 19 6
1488 Easy for you to say . . . I don’t have nine lives! 1.3196 0.05961 97 72 19 6
1489 I always knew she was a bitch 1.3194 0.06802 72 53 15 4
1490 I tell you, it’s a dog’s life. 1.3194 0.07355 72 55 11 6
1491 My wife is a cat person,and I’m not. 1.3191 0.05702 94 68 22 4
1492 I've never circled three times before I sit....it's embarrassing, and at my age..... 1.3191 0.06090 94 70 18 6
1493 For some reason, I get the urge to chase you around the room. 1.3191 0.05702 94 68 22 4
1494 He let's the new dog sleep on the bed with us (sob)! 1.3190 0.05137 116 84 27 5
1495 So I am inferior to cats? 1.3190 0.05557 116 87 21 8
1496 I was hoping for “Substantially Exceeds Good Boy.” 1.3190 0.05821 116 89 17 10
1497 I appreciate your help doc but you should know, this doesn't end well for you. 1.3187 0.06227 91 68 17 6
1498 I'm not sure what my pronouns should be. 1.3186 0.05659 113 85 20 8
1499 My boss keeps calling me "Kitty. Should I go to HR?" 1.3186 0.05659 113 85 20 8
1500 I don’t even want to chase you right now. 1.3186 0.05659 113 85 20 8
1501 I’ve tried everything else 1.3186 0.05373 113 83 24 6
1502 But what is it that I'm really chasing? 1.3185 0.05221 135 102 23 10
1503 I always knew you would end up in control….and here we are…sigh ? 1.3182 0.05492 88 62 24 2
1504 My wife says I should explore my feline side. 1.3182 0.05249 88 61 26 1
1505 It started when I first saw my mother drinking out of the toilet. 1.3182 0.06164 88 65 18 5
1506 I just can’t seem to get over what a Bitch she is. 1.3182 0.05725 88 63 22 3
1507 Do you know if my insurance covers the out-of-dog network? 1.3182 0.06373 88 66 16 6
1508 Got it! Your mom was a real bitch... 1.3182 0.05766 110 83 19 8
1509 My wife won't let me on the couch. 1.3182 0.07832 66 51 9 6
1510 My wife said she was going to keep me on a short leash. 1.3178 0.06027 107 82 16 9
1511 I have this recurring nightmare of being aloof and emotionally disengaged. 1.3178 0.05245 107 77 26 4
1512 I’m feeling catatonic these days 1.3178 0.05879 107 81 18 8
1513 I've reached the end of my leash. 1.3178 0.05410 107 78 24 5
1514 I know that I shouldn’t rely on external validation, but damn, those treats are good! 1.3178 0.05245 107 77 26 4
1515 Sitting in that same office everyday has left me feeling so old and stiff. I can't even lick "there" anymore. 1.3176 0.06309 85 63 17 5
1516 And I guess that’s when I realized deep down, I’m really more of a cat lover. 1.3176 0.06309 85 63 17 5
1517 I miss being able to lick myself 1.3176 0.06309 85 63 17 5
1518 I worry that I am disappointing my owners…don’t you ever feel like that? 1.3175 0.05121 126 93 26 7
1519 I don’t know if I can tell you what I’m really thinking, doc. 1.3173 0.04976 104 73 29 2
1520 It’s different on Zoom. Everyone knows I’m a dog. 1.3173 0.05511 104 76 23 5
1521 Do you realize how hard it is to be a Republican in this town? 1.3173 0.05840 104 78 19 7
1522 Should I act less attached? 1.3173 0.05511 104 76 23 5
1523 …and then I woke up and they were gone. 1.3171 0.06464 82 61 16 5
1524 Have you ever considered withholding your affection? 1.3171 0.05204 123 91 25 7
1525 My friends say I'm too submissive. What do you think? 1.3168 0.05959 101 76 18 7
1526 Sometimes I dream I'm free of all responsibility, that humans cater to me, that they obey me. Sometimes I even "meow." 1.3168 0.05959 101 76 18 7
1527 It's the same thing every single day - get up, go outside, come back in, sniff everybody, go outside again, dinner and then bedtime - and every meal is dog food!! 1.3167 0.05156 120 88 26 6
1528 Perhaps it’s time to reconnect with your inner puppy. 1.3167 0.05421 120 90 22 8
1529 I caught the car in my dream. I don’t know what that means. 1.3165 0.06630 79 59 15 5
1530 When will you tell them? 1.3165 0.07328 79 62 9 8
1531 I'm haunted by all the times I've dropped the ball. 1.3165 0.06630 79 59 15 5
1532 Tell me Doc, will I ever get out of the dog house? 1.3165 0.06381 79 58 17 4
1533 Treats just aren't doing the trick anymore 1.3165 0.06630 79 59 15 5
1534 'Do whatever makes you happy'? That's easy for you to say." 1.3163 0.05542 98 71 23 4
1535 I'll never be cunning... 1.3163 0.06085 98 74 17 7
1536 Have you ever tried NOT running for the ball? 1.3162 0.05100 117 85 27 5
1537 So, for how long have you been suffering from anthropomorphism? 1.3158 0.05476 114 85 22 7
1538 I keep getting the urge to chase you around the office. 1.3158 0.05847 95 70 20 5
1539 Tell me less. 1.3158 0.07061 76 58 12 6
1540 Do you really think using masks like THIS will get to the bottom of my problems 1.3158 0.06035 95 71 18 6
1541 After transference occurs will I be able to meow? 1.3158 0.06218 95 72 16 7
1542 Doc, I"m telling you: I'm a feline trapped in a canine body. 1.3154 0.05126 130 97 25 8
1543 And this bully, is it in the room with us right now? 1.3154 0.04765 130 94 31 5
1544 At work I'm the CEO. At home I'm just Fido. 1.3152 0.05338 92 65 25 2
1545 I feel like a rat 1.3152 0.06169 92 69 17 6
1546 My boss - it's like he doesn't respect me. Every time I fetch the stick, he just throws it away again! 1.3152 0.05769 92 67 21 4
1547 See? With this getup, they won't even let me chase my tail." 1.3152 0.05769 92 67 21 4
1548 She threw the ball, and then all of a sudden it was behind her back." 1.3148 0.05831 108 82 18 8
1549 So, what did the dog drag in today? 1.3146 0.05892 89 65 20 4
1550 True, my fetching the stick gives them something to do. 1.3146 0.06105 89 66 18 5
1551 Usually I have to sneak up on this couch when no one's home. 1.3146 0.05671 89 64 22 3
1552 I’m a cat trapped in a dog’s body and no one seems to get it. 1.3146 0.05671 89 64 22 3
1553 Can you help me to be aloof and not a pleaser? 1.3143 0.06914 70 52 14 4
1554 Feeling a lack of autonomy? 1.3143 0.06607 70 51 16 3
1555 Really? You mean there's such a thing as being too extroverted? 1.3143 0.05466 105 77 23 5
1556 Are you...laughing? 1.3143 0.05792 105 79 19 7
1557 But I don't feel like a good boy. 1.3143 0.05631 105 78 21 6
1558 Six years old,and what have I done with my life? 1.3143 0.05631 105 78 21 6
1559 I can't help but feel that we are incompatible 1.3143 0.05631 105 78 21 6
1560 He comes home from her place too tired to play or take a walk, cat scent all over him. And he's happy! 1.3140 0.06462 86 65 15 6
1561 I killed them all. 1.3140 0.06247 86 64 17 5
1562 I feel I've been gender neutered. 1.3140 0.06247 86 64 17 5
1563 I'm married to a cat, and now I'm worried SCOTUS is going to overturn interspecies marriage. 1.3140 0.06872 86 67 11 8
1564 I thought the receptionist said this was the office of Tom and Bob Katz 1.3140 0.06247 86 64 17 5
1565 I thought we were all perfectly happy with just the way things were.Then they had to go and get a cat. 1.3140 0.06670 86 66 13 7
1566 At least YOU have 8 other lives to live. For me THIS is it! 1.3140 0.06247 86 64 17 5
1567 , .....and I have this natural aggression toward your species, no offense. 1.3140 0.05792 86 62 21 3
1568 Your lot are different; for me, I need to know that my humans accept me. 1.3137 0.05570 102 75 22 5
1569 Detatch with love" just isn't working for me 1.3137 0.06228 102 79 14 9
1570 For a therapy pet, you’re surprisingly accomplished. 1.3137 0.05570 102 75 22 5
1571 So should I join the pack and move to Austin? 1.3137 0.05210 102 73 26 3
1572 I never have that dream where I'm naked. 1.3133 0.06164 83 61 18 4
1573 So how come you get 9 lives and I only get one? 1.3133 0.06623 83 63 14 6
1574 What do you mean an inferiority complex is normal for someone like me? 1.3131 0.06200 99 76 15 8
1575 Are you listening to me? 1.3131 0.05858 99 74 19 6
1576 You’re the first cat I can really trust . 1.3131 0.05495 99 72 23 4
1577 No, actually, I never thought about transitioning to the feline species ... 1.3131 0.05495 99 72 23 4
1578 "Strange dreams lately: I climb trees and take delight in being aloof." 1.3131 0.05495 99 72 23 4
1579 I feel this way every time they leave the house! 1.3131 0.05858 99 74 19 6
1580 I don’t know. White collar, blue collar, flea collar, choker. It all seems so claustrophobic. 1.3131 0.06031 99 75 17 7
1581 But what does purr even mean? 1.3131 0.05679 99 73 21 5
1582 I feel like I'm a cat trapped in a dog's body. 1.3130 0.05147 115 84 26 5
1583 My wife had actually said I need to get in touch with my feelings, not a Feline. 1.3130 0.05435 115 86 22 7
1584 To be fully transparent Doc, I am struggling with the trust issue. 1.3130 0.05435 115 86 22 7
1585 How am I supposed to have any self-esteem when I have to wear a leash and you don't? 1.3130 0.05970 115 90 14 11
1586 I feel resistant to chains. 1.3125 0.05602 96 70 22 4
1587 You could pretend you're interested. 1.3125 0.05533 112 84 21 7
1588 Just a few years ago, I would have been chasing you down the street. 1.3125 0.05078 112 81 27 4
1589 How could you possibly understand - you’re a cat person and I’m a dog person 1.3125 0.06313 80 59 17 4
1590 I'm fine. Really. I just wondered what it's like on a couch. 1.3125 0.06313 80 59 17 4
1591 I can't even say what my mother is. 1.3125 0.05602 96 70 22 4
1592 I lost my tennis ball. 1.3125 0.05196 96 68 26 2
1593 No, I don’t secretly dream of being a cat. I dream of about being a Great Dane and stomping on the cat that lives in my neighborhood and is murdering all the birds and bunnies. 1.3125 0.05602 96 70 22 4
1594 The treats are great. But how do I negotiate for an indoor bathroom? 1.3125 0.06162 96 73 16 7
1595 Dr. Katz, tell me again, why we have to wear these masks? 1.3125 0.07247 80 63 9 8
1596 You know doc, this is one comfortable couch. 1.3125 0.05981 96 72 18 6
1597 And is this… mailman in the room with us 1.3125 0.05981 96 72 18 6
1598 Every day feels 168 hours long... 1.3125 0.05602 96 70 22 4
1599 Well, my mom was a bitch. 1.3119 0.05636 109 82 20 7
1600 I'm going to order an immediate CAT Scan. 1.3118 0.05917 93 69 19 5
1601 I don't feel you really understand me. 1.3118 0.06111 93 70 17 6
1602 Is it my fault that I cannot tell a buried bone from a buried mine? 1.3118 0.06111 93 70 17 6
1603 Then she said “You're a bad dog” and left me. 1.3113 0.05254 106 77 25 4
1604 I’m feeling tense. Can I chase you around the room again? 1.3113 0.05899 106 81 17 8
1605 After I was spayed, my desire to chase cats just went away 1.3113 0.05080 106 76 27 3
1606 I drink from the toilet and like to chase cars. 1.3113 0.05254 106 77 25 4
1607 I dunno what it is doc. I can't get enough cat litter. 1.3113 0.05744 106 80 19 7
1608 I mean, does it really matter if I wear my tail down my left trouser leg or my right? 1.3111 0.06047 90 67 18 5
1609 Dr. Katz.. I have issues with pussey 1.3111 0.05837 90 66 20 4
1610 Tell me again why you put your head out of the car window even when driving. 1.3111 0.06047 90 67 18 5
1611 At what point should I be walking away with my tail between my legs? 1.3111 0.05392 90 64 24 2
1612 I just don't get a thrill from the chase anymore. 1.3108 0.06645 74 55 15 4
1613 Sure, I’ve caught the car. But then what? 1.3108 0.06645 74 55 15 4
1614 Just once, I'd like my boss to ask me who's a good boy. 1.3108 0.06645 74 55 15 4
1615 I just can't stop smelling people's butts. 1.3108 0.06918 74 56 13 5
1616 People called her a bitch, but she was always 'mommy' to me. 1.3108 0.06918 74 56 13 5
1617 But is it really the tail you’re chasing? 1.3108 0.05749 74 52 21 1
1618 In my dream I was in a large group of domestic animals and I was the only one who was naked. 1.3107 0.05858 103 78 18 7
1619 Tell me more about the time you felt you were being cat-called in the dog park? 1.3107 0.06175 103 80 14 9
1620 Is sniffing butts really that bad? 1.3107 0.05349 103 75 24 4
1621 I'm worried I'm not making the most of my one life. 1.3107 0.05524 103 76 22 5
1622 I'm not usually allowed on the furniture. 1.3103 0.05965 87 64 19 4
1623 After I found out it was a dog-eat-dog world, well, I didn’t know where else to turn. 1.3103 0.05925 116 91 14 11
1624 Trust me, I studied dog therapies when I was in Vienna. 1.3103 0.05395 116 87 22 7
1625 I’m all bark and no bite 1.3103 0.06185 87 65 17 5
1626 What do you mean you charge in dog years? 1.3103 0.04961 116 84 28 4
1627 What 'elephant in the room' are you talking about?" 1.3103 0.05395 116 87 22 7
1628 It's just...when she comes home, I can't help but get excited. 1.3103 0.05736 87 63 21 3
1629 I have trust issues,Dr. Katz. 1.3100 0.06146 100 77 15 8
1630 For once, I'd like to just squat. 1.3100 0.05631 100 74 21 5
1631 I just don't get it? All they do is sleep and eat! 1.3100 0.05064 100 71 27 2
1632 No, I guess you wouldn't understand. 1.3100 0.05449 100 73 23 4
1633 Doc, you've been charging me seven times too much. 1.3100 0.05808 100 75 19 6
1634 I coulda been a champion. 1.3100 0.05808 100 75 19 6
1635 Do you even know I'm in the room? 1.3100 0.05631 100 74 21 5
1636 Some days I feel like man's second best friend. 1.3099 0.06213 71 51 18 2
1637 Can’t we be associated with sunshine instead? 1.3097 0.05041 113 82 27 4
1638 I'm tired of chasing my own tail. 1.3095 0.06332 84 63 16 5
1639 I keep having this dream where... Wait - this is the dream! 1.3095 0.06554 84 64 14 6
1640 How bad it is when the publisher has to explain my cartoon in a pop-up? 1.3095 0.06332 84 63 16 5
1641 They all just watch—at least you get a litter box. 1.3095 0.06332 84 63 16 5
1642 I just... haven't felt like a good boy lately. 1.3095 0.06554 84 64 14 6
1643 All my problems would go away if I just stretched out in a sunny spot? 1.3095 0.06101 84 62 18 4
1644 ...And you were the only therapist in-network." 1.3095 0.06554 84 64 14 6
1645 I'm just hate wearing a tie. It makes me feel kept, you know? 1.3095 0.06770 84 65 12 7
1646 When did you decide that you wanted to be a cat? 1.3093 0.05928 97 73 18 6
1647 I'm tired and disgusted of sniffing other dogs' butts. Does that make me a cat lover? 1.3093 0.05554 97 71 22 4
1648 Doctor, I find you rather aloof. 1.3093 0.05744 97 72 20 5
1649 Have you considered just sitting there indifferently when your owner comes home? 1.3093 0.05928 97 73 18 6
1650 …but I identify as a cat person. 1.3091 0.05739 110 84 18 8
1651 Why can't a bone be just a bone? 1.3091 0.05441 110 82 22 6
1652 I have a problem with cats 1.3088 0.07030 68 51 13 4
1653 I keep dreaming that God is a cat. 1.3086 0.06489 81 61 15 5
1654 It's a lot of work to be a BFF" 1.3086 0.06246 81 60 17 4
1655 I don’t know Doc, it’s like I keep chasing my tail… 1.3086 0.05994 81 59 19 3
1656 And in this dream, you always land on your feet? 1.3086 0.05731 81 58 21 2
1657 Should I resist these aggressive impulses? 1.3085 0.05863 94 70 19 5
1658 I feel like I'm trapped in the wrong body. 1.3085 0.05459 94 68 23 3
1659 It may be the world, but I don't want to eat dog. 1.3085 0.06241 94 72 15 7
1660 I hate to say this, but pretty soon you'll only have eight lives. 1.3085 0.06241 94 72 15 7
1661 It’s like, what am I even chasing after anyway? 1.3085 0.05665 94 69 21 4
1662 So I gave her a dead mouse like you recommended, and let me tell you - it did NOT go over well. 1.3084 0.05851 107 82 17 8
1663 . . . and I'm being chased by cars, squirrels, clouds, balloons! 1.3084 0.05541 107 80 21 6
1664 The concept of opposable thumbs eludes me. 1.3077 0.06402 78 58 16 4
1665 …and lots of shame from delayed house-training. 1.3077 0.05990 91 68 18 5
1666 Since I’ve gotten this craving for canned fish, all my former friends have stopped sniffing my butt. 1.3077 0.06273 104 82 12 10
1667 Since when do cats have opposable thumbs? 1.3077 0.05782 91 67 20 4
1668 Saying my life is the cat’s meow is not reassuring. 1.3077 0.06136 78 57 18 3
1669 I can’t help thinking they wanted a cat instead of me. 1.3077 0.05355 117 88 22 7
1670 Mostly it's the shoes. I just can't stand them! 1.3077 0.05859 78 56 20 2
1671 I just get this sneaking suspicion that my wife has a thing for the Mailman. 1.3077 0.06657 78 59 14 5
1672 Stop thinking of humans as gods, and start thinking of them as vending machines, 1.3077 0.05990 91 68 18 5
1673 Fear of abandonment manifests in many behaviors, like chasing the mailman. 1.3077 0.04986 130 97 26 7
1674 My father was a dog and my mother was a bitch. 1.3070 0.05157 114 87 22 5
1675 It's a dog-eat-dog world...not a dog-eat-cat world! 1.3069 0.05758 101 76 19 6
1676 Granted, I'm being catty about this, but, no, you can not pay my fee with buried bones. 1.3069 0.05758 101 76 19 6
1677 Nowhere in the employee manual does it mention a butt-sniffing moratorium. 1.3069 0.05583 101 75 21 5
1678 I took your advice,but my wife said I was barking up the wrong tree. 1.3069 0.05758 101 76 19 6
1679 I'm a Good Dog, I know I am, I know I am. 1.3068 0.05907 88 65 19 4
1680 You're right. Why am I peeing outdoors? 1.3068 0.05907 88 65 19 4
1681 I feel like you just don't care. 1.3067 0.06837 75 57 13 5
1682 She just hasn't called me a good boy in so long... 1.3067 0.06569 75 56 15 4
1683 Sometimes it's my tail—sometimes it's a car—sometimes it's…you. 1.3067 0.06569 75 56 15 4
1684 Vacuums have become a real world problem for Marley and me 1.3061 0.05876 98 74 18 6
1685 My nerves are shot. I feel like I’m always being judged by cats. 1.3061 0.05311 98 71 24 3
1686 I know it's a fallacy of relative privation, but sometimes I just don't feel like fetching. 1.3061 0.05506 98 72 22 4
1687 We've been over this before. I do not have your tongue. 1.3060 0.05106 134 102 23 9
1688 So you think the good boy is someone else entirely? 1.3059 0.06268 85 64 16 5
1689 Why do I feel that you're not really listening? 1.3059 0.05803 85 62 20 3
1690 You're right, my mother was a bitch. 1.3059 0.06487 85 65 14 6
1691 I’ve been feline a bit ruff” 1.3059 0.06040 85 63 18 4
1692 I don’t find the New Yorker dog cartons funny. 1.3056 0.05497 108 81 21 6
1693 Everybody is so catty in this doggone world. 1.3056 0.05803 108 83 17 8
1694 She no longer likes to sniff my rear 1.3056 0.05497 108 81 21 6
1695 Oh, come on, Doc. Don't make me beg!" 1.3053 0.05810 95 71 19 5
1696 I feel guilty about taking cat naps. 1.3053 0.06184 95 73 15 7
1697 My life has exactly been a walk in the park. 1.3053 0.05614 95 70 21 4
1698 I’m having a bit of a ruff time. 1.3053 0.06000 95 72 17 6
1699 I've just noticed it's really a human-eat-human world out there. 1.3053 0.06000 95 72 17 6
1700 There I am, tongue out, tail wagging, toe nails clacking with glee as I circle my beloved human, and all I can hear is the echoing, empty, faraway voice of my inner critic whispering yet again those same two words, over and over, relentlessly: 'Bad dog.' 1.3053 0.06184 95 73 15 7
1701 They call me scaredy-cat because I'm afraid of fireworks. 1.3051 0.05178 118 88 24 6
1702 I gotta face facts, Doc. No amount of therapy will erase tens of thousands of years of domestication. . . 1.3049 0.06181 82 61 17 4
1703 What is it about “no” that you don’t understand” 1.3049 0.06873 82 64 11 7
1704 I don’t bury my poop. Is that so bad? 1.3048 0.05600 105 79 20 6
1705 I can’t stop these dreams where I’m chasing mice instead of cars. 1.3048 0.05600 105 79 20 6
1706 The ringing in my ears still makes me hungry. 1.3043 0.05729 92 68 20 4
1707 Well sure I have issues with cats. No reason to get your back up, Doc. 1.3043 0.06324 92 71 14 7
1708 This meeeow thing, when did it start? 1.3043 0.05408 115 87 21 7
1709 It just seems like you're not listening. 1.3043 0.05296 92 66 24 2
1710 'My mother'? Well, she was a b.... 1.3043 0.05934 92 69 18 5
1711 Sit. Roll over. Beg. I'll do anything for approval. 1.3043 0.07242 69 53 11 5
1712 Somehow I think you don't really care about me 1.3043 0.05119 115 85 24 5
1713 Uh-oh! Session's over early. I just heard their car drive up. 1.3043 0.05729 92 68 20 4
1714 I don't know... my human keeps telling me "heal boy", so here I am. 1.3043 0.06942 69 52 13 4
1715 I just can't keep chasing it. 1.3043 0.04967 115 84 27 4
1716 Its a lot of pressure to live up to the hype of being man's best friend 1.3039 0.05358 102 75 23 4
1717 When were you first diagnosed with feline envy? 1.3039 0.05877 102 78 17 7
1718 I always get depressed during the dog days. 1.3038 0.06584 79 60 14 5
1719 It’s too much - they keep saying I rescued them. 1.3038 0.06071 79 58 18 3
1720 The trouble is I’m a cat person. 1.3038 0.06332 79 59 16 4
1721 I thought wanting to chase you up a tree was transference. 1.3036 0.05357 112 84 22 6
1722 I think sometimes that I just react instinctually like I'm some kind of animal. 1.3036 0.05357 112 84 22 6
1723 I thought I was doing better, but then ate out of the litterbox again 1.3034 0.06472 89 69 13 7
1724 My woofer is the cat's meow... 1.3034 0.06272 89 68 15 6
1725 I've always felt like I didn't fit in. 1.3034 0.05851 89 66 19 4
1726 It’s been ruff. 1.3034 0.06667 89 70 11 8
1727 I guess,now,it's out of the bag. 1.3030 0.05644 99 74 20 5
1728 I'm sensing your love and approval beneath your façade of disdain and contempt. 1.3030 0.05459 99 73 22 4
1729 I want to wag my tail again, wag...how do you wag in this outfit? 1.3030 0.05459 99 73 22 4
1730 So, you’re trying to tell me that a cat staying in the room next to yours is both dead and alive? 1.3030 0.05998 99 76 16 7
1731 Life is ruff. 1.3028 0.05756 109 84 17 8
1732 All of a sudden being a "very good boy" became unfulfilling. 1.3026 0.05929 76 55 19 2
1733 It's just that I really, really don't like to bark. 1.3026 0.07014 76 59 11 6
1734 It's my pet human; he hears everything I say, but I think he speaks a different language. 1.3025 0.05000 119 88 26 5
1735 My wife thinks I've been catting around. 1.3025 0.05277 119 90 22 7
1736 Felines? My problem with felines are why I’m court-ordered to be here. 1.3023 0.06421 86 66 14 6
1737 But nobody could see the elephant in the room. 1.3023 0.05980 86 64 18 4
1738 ... and there was the time a cat chased me up a tree. 1.3023 0.05980 86 64 18 4
1739 I've been having these terrible dreams: cats as man's best friend. 1.3023 0.06204 86 65 16 5
1740 I was just marking my territory as usual when….. 1.3023 0.06204 86 65 16 5
1741 But we don’t fight like that! 1.3021 0.05364 96 70 23 3
1742 I'm starting to realise I'm not a working dog at all, I'd rather sleep all day 1.3021 0.06127 96 74 15 7
1743 I just found out my best friend has a best friend. 1.3021 0.05946 96 73 17 6
1744 No matter how old I get, I need constant reassurance I'm a good boy. 1.3021 0.05364 96 70 23 3
1745 Why should I 'sit''" 1.3019 0.06020 106 83 14 9
1746 Will there be a conflict of interest here? 1.3019 0.05555 106 80 20 6
1747 Seems my bark is even worse than my bite. 1.3019 0.05390 106 79 22 5
1748 Doc, you’re lucky your kind isn’t made to “speak”. 1.3017 0.05226 116 87 23 6
1749 What if no one thinks I'm a very good boy? 1.3014 0.06376 73 54 16 3
1750 I can't shake the feeling that I'm rally a cat in a dog's body. 1.3014 0.06668 73 55 14 4
1751 No matter what anyone says I can't shake the feeling that I'm really a bad boy. 1.3014 0.06668 73 55 14 4
1752 I suddenly realized it’s a dog’s life. Thanks 1.3014 0.06948 73 56 12 5
1753 Let me get this straight,” said Dr. Cat. “The bones are buried where? 1.3014 0.06071 73 53 18 2
1754 So does a mailman's leg really taste like chicken? 1.3012 0.06580 83 64 13 6
1755 Sorry I chased you under the couch, Doc. 1.3012 0.06580 83 64 13 6
1756 My carbon pawprint, the future of dogs on this planet… environmental melancholia 1.3012 0.05617 83 60 21 2
1757 I've only got one midlife crisis to figure this out, you don't understand! 1.3012 0.06117 83 62 17 4
1758 My wife is leaving me because she caught me in a cathouse. 1.3012 0.05872 83 61 19 3
1759 Ya gotta help me, Doc. Everybody is turning into cats! It’s true! Doc? DOC? 1.3011 0.05879 93 70 18 5
1760 Stop talking about transference...I just like chasing mice. 1.3011 0.05879 93 70 18 5
1761 The cat’s got your tongue, down and noted. 1.3011 0.05467 93 68 22 3
1762 I know that liking cat food doesn't make me less of a dog, but it feels like it does/ 1.3011 0.05677 93 69 20 4
1763 I would keep it simple and say, “please refer to me as they, them or theirs.” 1.3010 0.05490 103 77 21 5
1764 Sorry, but it feels like you're not listening to a single word I'm saying. 1.3010 0.05827 103 79 17 7
1765 If I eat you, we still have eight more sessions, right? 1.3010 0.05661 103 78 19 6
1766 You wouldn't understand. 1.3009 0.04850 113 82 28 3
1767 This patient-therapist dynamic unfortunately just reinforces a societal stereotype that cats are smarter. 1.3009 0.05166 113 84 24 5
1768 I'm never in a video. 1.3000 0.08336 60 48 6 6
1769 You made a mistake, don't feel so guilty about it, we're only human. 1.3000 0.06264 80 60 16 4
1770 I can’t be myself. I worry that my owner is really a cat person. 1.3000 0.05412 100 74 22 4
1771 I identify as a cat. 1.3000 0.06007 90 68 17 5
1772 And how long have you wanted to pee in the litter box? 1.3000 0.05411 110 83 21 6
1773 My wife thinks I'm too dogged. 1.3000 0.06409 90 70 13 7
1774 The inner cat in me yowls to come out! 1.3000 0.06211 90 69 15 6
1775 But can I trust other species? 1.3000 0.06113 100 78 14 8
1776 Maybe you're right. Maybe I do fall in love too easily. 1.3000 0.04965 120 89 26 5
1777 Unfortunately I can only eat from porcelain bowls from the Ming dynasty. 1.3000 0.06007 90 68 17 5
1778 No,I am not a republican why do you ask. 1.3000 0.06211 90 69 15 6
1779 Canine, feline, why do words matter anyway? 1.3000 0.05239 120 91 22 7
1780 At the end of the day, we're all just dogs. 1.3000 0.06007 90 68 17 5
1781 And sometimes, I talk to a box, thinking that you may be in there, listening to me. 1.3000 0.06007 90 68 17 5
1782 July 4th… every year… whyyyy! 1.3000 0.06751 80 62 12 6
1783 The humans call me a different name every day. I just don’t know who I am anymore. 1.3000 0.05412 100 74 22 4
1784 We have to dig up what you’ve buried. But I assure you, all my clients land on their feet. 1.2992 0.05039 127 96 24 7
1785 When they said it was a dog eat dog world, I thought it was just a metaphor. 1.2992 0.05398 127 99 18 10
1786 I FEEL LIKE I'M JUST A WOOFER TRYING TO LIVE IN A MEOW WORLD" 1.2991 0.05188 117 88 23 6
1787 My best memories are that lingering smell of skunk afterwards. 1.2991 0.05510 107 81 20 6
1788 ...My mother...? she was a nasty bitch...! 1.2991 0.05821 107 83 16 8
1789 Two hundred an hour and all you ever seem to come up with is "Life is like a ball of string"? 1.2990 0.06072 97 75 15 7
1790 I boosted sales, but received no treat whatsoever, just a pat on the head. 1.2990 0.05317 97 71 23 3
1791 If I were a cat, I'd at least come when I was called. 1.2990 0.05516 97 72 21 4
1792 I fear I'm getting to look like my master. 1.2990 0.05892 97 74 17 6
1793 Spot, now there's a people pleaser. 1.2990 0.05516 97 72 21 4
1794 I mean…is it really so hard for her to see that my inner puppy has Post Traumatic Fetch Syndrome?? 1.2990 0.05892 97 74 17 6
1795 I keep dreaming about very cool cats. 1.2989 0.06143 87 66 16 5
1796 I have a fear of mice. 1.2989 0.06356 87 67 14 6
1797 I get no respect; it's "sit, stay. heel all day". You have no idea. 1.2989 0.05921 87 65 18 4
1798 Would you please stop staring at the fly on the wall and listen to me. 1.2989 0.06143 87 66 16 5
1799 I know it’s just a saying, but sometimes I really do wonder if your job is to fight with me? 1.2989 0.06563 87 68 12 7
1800 And I was so excited when she got home but ITS NOT AS IF YOU’D KNOW WHAT THATS LIKE!! 1.2989 0.06143 87 66 16 5
1801 I’m tired of chasing my tail. I need to start chasing my dreams. 1.2989 0.05921 87 65 18 4
1802 I need to set and keep to boundaries. 1.2987 0.06421 77 58 15 4
1803 I just wish they had some place for me to poop inside. 1.2987 0.06421 77 58 15 4
1804 All my life, I’ve felt like a cat trapped in a dog’s body.” 1.2987 0.06421 77 58 15 4
1805 Yes, I'm trans. I've felt like a cat ever since I was a puppy! 1.2987 0.06421 77 58 15 4
1806 Take it from me, it’s not you; people are the needy and dependent ones. 1.2987 0.06682 77 59 13 5
1807 Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy?" Every day, always the same question. Why don't they know by now? I keep trying my best, doc, but I don't know what to do anymore 1.2984 0.04989 124 93 25 6
1808 Your turn on the couch. 1.2982 0.05421 114 87 20 7
1809 Are you sure Sigmund Fido is unavailable? 1.2982 0.05421 114 87 20 7
1810 I'm getting old and it scares me. I only have one life you know 1.2981 0.04904 104 75 27 2
1811 … so then Rocky calls me a pussy. 1.2981 0.05445 104 78 21 5
1812 It is so humiliating to have to open up to you! 1.2981 0.05271 104 77 23 4
1813 I really wish you'd stop purring 1.2981 0.05271 104 77 23 4
1814 Pussy makes me crazy.... 1.2981 0.05271 104 77 23 4
1815 And what’s with all the toys? Is it for me or them? I’m almost 124 years old, I just want a scotch and the good spot on the couch… you get it. 1.2981 0.05271 104 77 23 4
1816 I have this compulsion to wear shoes on my hands. 1.2981 0.05614 104 79 19 6
1817 And they keep wanting me to sleep with them. 1.2981 0.05937 104 81 15 8
1818 … dog tired, … , it’s a dog’s life, … in the dog house! What do I have to do to get some respect around here? 1.2979 0.05825 94 71 18 5
1819 Going forward, Let's refer to your wife as a 'female dog', please. 1.2979 0.06018 94 72 16 6
1820 No, me being your therapist is not a catastrophe.. 1.2979 0.06018 94 72 16 6
1821 And, she keeps hounding me about my bad breath. 1.2979 0.05418 94 69 22 3
1822 I feel guilty about wanting to chase mice. 1.2979 0.06387 94 74 12 8
1823 I actually like the collar, you know. Just not the way it looks. 1.2977 0.04809 131 98 27 6
1824 I believe I was really born to be a cat, but every time I ignore them they yell at me. 1.2976 0.05561 84 61 21 2
1825 Help me, Doc. I have this compulsion to please my owners. 1.2976 0.06055 84 63 17 4
1826 You really think I’ve been chasing after the wrong thing my entire life? 1.2976 0.05561 84 61 21 2
1827 I had the dream again where we were naked and fighting over a piece of cheese. 1.2975 0.05202 121 92 22 7
1828 Sure, I know that chasing the ball is wrong, but I can’t help myself. 1.2973 0.05350 74 52 22 0
1829 I gotta be honest with you, Dr. Katz. It’s been pretty rrrough. My obsession with cats is so out of control it has me thinking even you are a cat! 1.2973 0.05214 111 83 23 5
1830 Dont think about my wealth, think about my health dear 1.2973 0.06002 74 54 18 2
1831 You CAN'T understand, it's a dog eat dog world! 1.2973 0.05368 111 84 21 6
1832 I have a crippling fear that one day it will rain so hard that WE become the rain 1.2970 0.05724 101 77 18 6
1833 I do it because I can, Doctor. 1.2970 0.05548 101 76 20 5
1834 Is it possible man isn't MY best friend? My world would be shattered! I'm sure you can empathize... 1.2970 0.05179 101 74 24 3
1835 I just don't understand how they haven't figured out yet that I am the good boy. 1.2970 0.05724 101 77 18 6
1836 Anthropomorphism? That’s your diagnosis? 1.2969 0.07278 64 49 11 4
1837 What should I do? My owner wants me to stop wearing his clothes. 1.2967 0.06151 91 70 15 6
1838 I see the man or woman get out the leash, and I start running around in circles I'm so excited. I don't think you'd understand." 1.2967 0.05741 91 68 19 4
1839 Don't EVEN get me started on the 4th of July. 1.2967 0.05741 91 68 19 4
1840 ...And it was raining cats and dogs. It was horrible. 1.2967 0.05949 91 69 17 5
1841 And she doesn't let me wear boots. 1.2967 0.06151 91 70 15 6
1842 Not that you would understand, but it's a dog-eat-dog world out there. 1.2967 0.05741 91 68 19 4
1843 It all started with the pooper scooper law 1.2967 0.05949 91 69 17 5
1844 It’s raining. 1.2967 0.06347 91 71 13 7
1845 I don't know what's wrong with me. I just can't welcome them home with enthusiasm any more. 1.2963 0.06197 81 61 16 4
1846 'So what say we forget all the talking and I just come here to eat from your litter box once a week?" 1.2963 0.05465 108 82 20 6
1847 And why is it the dog days of summer? 1.2963 0.06197 81 61 16 4
1848 What do you mean by "meow"? 1.2963 0.05139 108 80 24 4
1849 Why do we dress up for this? 1.2963 0.05305 108 81 22 5
1850 I'm stressed about my upcoming license exam. 1.2963 0.05622 108 83 18 7
1851 So you’re saying I hate myself because my mother was a bitch? 1.2963 0.05465 108 82 20 6
1852 A colleague suggested that you might be able to help me with my catnip addiction. 1.2960 0.05083 125 95 23 7
1853 I told her my bark was worse than my bite. 1.2959 0.06017 98 76 15 7
1854 No, I don’t think chasing you around the office would be therapeutic, and I’m a little surprised that you’d suggest the idea. 1.2959 0.05840 98 75 17 6
1855 I’m still struggling with what to name my owner. 1.2959 0.05068 98 71 25 2
1856 Actually I like cats,some of my best friends are cats! 1.2959 0.05657 98 74 19 5
1857 I don't mind an occasional butt sniff, but couldn't they just ask me how I am sometimes? 1.2959 0.05657 98 74 19 5
1858 But if I say, 'I'm NOT a speciesist! My therapist is a cat!' then they'll know I'm in therapy!" 1.2955 0.06082 88 67 16 5
1859 So when do you believe this constant need to please began? 1.2955 0.06082 88 67 16 5
1860 I know you're on number nine. 1.2955 0.05863 88 66 18 4
1861 Doc, I have the strangest urge to hump everything in site! 1.2955 0.05636 88 65 20 3
1862 You keep returning the frisbee. Why? 1.2955 0.06082 88 67 16 5
1863 It’s like a fog coming in on little cat’s paws 1.2955 0.06293 88 68 14 6
1864 I sense some tension here. 1.2955 0.05863 88 66 18 4
1865 It’s just that sometimes it seems like I’m just barking at nothing 1.2955 0.05399 88 64 22 2
1866 When she laughed and said give the dog a bone, I sat and waited a half hour. Until I realised she was referring to her husband. 1.2952 0.05567 105 80 19 6
1867 Aren't we done already! 1.2949 0.06607 78 60 13 5
1868 Am I allowed to say I'm scared of cats? 1.2947 0.05370 95 70 22 3
1869 My mother tried to raise me as a cat 1.2947 0.05370 95 70 22 3
1870 Have you tried treating them like they don’t exist? 1.2947 0.05574 95 71 20 4
1871 So you’re suggesting I give up my morning walk and use a litter box.” 1.2947 0.05962 95 73 16 6
1872 I don't feel the catnip is working... 1.2946 0.05327 112 85 21 6
1873 Sure, they feed me and all. But sometimes, it’s like they don’t even know I’m there. 1.2946 0.05174 112 84 23 5
1874 This burning desire I have to chase you around the room… is it instinct or another transference projection? 1.2946 0.05621 112 87 17 8
1875 It seems my whole life is a game. 1.2941 0.05675 102 78 18 6
1876 23,000 years ago my ancestors were eating meat right off the bone and now I just get kibble?? You call that progress?? 1.2941 0.05506 85 62 21 2
1877 My wife doesn't understand me. She's a cat person, I'm a dog person. 1.2941 0.06658 85 67 11 7
1878 I destroyed my master's living room but he didn't call me 'good boy' and give me a treat like you said he would. 1.2941 0.06223 85 65 15 5
1879 The needs of hounds know no bounds! 1.2941 0.05993 85 64 17 4
1880 I keep having this recurring dream where my owners adopt a kitten. 1.2941 0.06444 85 66 13 6
1881 I'm sorry! Whisker envy is not a treatable condition. 1.2941 0.05501 102 77 20 5
1882 I just can't seem to shake this feeling that everyone is taunting me. 1.2941 0.05506 85 62 21 2
1883 Frankly, I don't think this therapeutic relationship is going that well. 1.2941 0.05993 85 64 17 4
1884 I woke up with floppy ears and then I drank from the toilet. 1.2941 0.05755 85 63 19 3
1885 …..and there were NO HYDRANTS in the hallway… 1.2941 0.06223 85 65 15 5
1886 And is this “good boy” in the room with us right now? 1.2941 0.06223 85 65 15 5
1887 If I am man's best friend how come you guys get most of the head scratches? 1.2936 0.05263 109 82 22 5
1888 No, it's not a dog's life, and don't ask me how I feel about it. 1.2936 0.05422 109 83 20 6
1889 I’ve been suffering with this for a long time. Not sure how long in people years. 1.2936 0.05576 109 84 18 7
1890 It was hard tying my tie without opposable thumbs 1.2935 0.06093 92 71 15 6
1891 It's just going ruff. 1.2935 0.05893 92 70 17 5
1892 "I thought working with you would eliminate any problem of transference." 1.2935 0.06286 92 72 13 7
1893 Easy for you to say, you’ve got nine lives. 1.2935 0.05893 92 70 17 5
1894 It’s a pet theory of mine that it’s unhealthy to be a people pleaser. 1.2935 0.06093 92 71 15 6
1895 You’re the only one who plays with me, Doctor. 1.2935 0.05687 92 69 19 4
1896 I have no idea who thought YOU could be of any help to me! 1.2933 0.06785 75 58 12 5
1897 Indifference? What exactly is that? 1.2933 0.06514 75 57 14 4
1898 Cats’ licking themselves is so overrated, am I right? 1.2933 0.05623 75 54 20 1
1899 I don't have insurance — can I pay you with mice? 1.2931 0.04900 116 86 26 4
1900 ...But inside my body I'm really a cat!... 1.2929 0.05227 99 73 23 3
1901 My problems began when an indoor feline moved into our apartment. 1.2929 0.05607 99 75 19 5
1902 I mean, what sort of animal would enjoy the rat race? 1.2929 0.05788 99 76 17 6
1903 It's a recurring nightmare—my favorite chew toy goes squeak, squeak, squeak, then silence. 1.2927 0.05881 82 61 18 3
1904 I can stop barking up the wrong tree anytime I want. I just don't want to. 1.2927 0.06829 82 65 10 7
1905 I have a compulsion to chase cats. 1.2927 0.06373 82 63 14 5
1906 It all started when I posted a "Dog Lives Matter" meme. 1.2927 0.05881 82 61 18 3
1907 Why do they have to call them the dog days of summer? 1.2927 0.05382 123 96 18 9
1908 You are species biased 1.2927 0.06373 82 63 14 5
1909 I’m not so sure you are superior because you use a litter box. 1.2927 0.06373 82 63 14 5
1910 I think you are trying too hard to gain their attention. 1.2927 0.06605 82 64 12 6
1911 You can't understand. My mother was a bitch. 1.2927 0.06132 82 62 16 4
1912 I dream about chasing the mailman but never seem to be able to catch him. 1.2925 0.05356 106 80 21 5
1913 It all started when my mother fed me fancy feast. 1.2925 0.05838 106 83 15 8
1914 Do you ever feel like an imposter in your own body? 1.2923 0.07180 65 50 11 4
1915 Well, surprise, surprise, I'm back on the Milk Bones again! 1.2921 0.05582 89 66 20 3
1916 I've never been able to get the monogamy thing. 1.2921 0.06231 89 69 14 6
1917 I've always been more comfortable purring. 1.2921 0.06628 89 71 10 8
1918 You turn 6 and start to question everything. 1.2921 0.05806 89 67 18 4
1919 Lately, they’re all dog days. 1.2920 0.04477 113 81 31 1
1920 Well, I don't think that's the issue. I literally CAN'T sweat the small stuff. 1.2917 0.05719 96 73 18 5
1921 Anal fixation sounds so serious, just because I sniff butts. 1.2917 0.05908 96 74 16 6
1922 I was so loyal to her. You can understand that, right Doc? 1.2917 0.05322 96 71 22 3
1923 First, let me assure I never joined in when my buddies wanted to roam the neighborhood chasing cats. 1.2917 0.06091 96 75 14 7
1924 I told them I needed time on the couch" 1.2917 0.05719 96 73 18 5
1925 Unlike my other friends I like Pussy. 1.2917 0.06091 96 75 14 7
1926 In a prior life, I was a mouse. 1.2917 0.06091 96 75 14 7
1927 You have catnip. I got nothin' 1.2917 0.05719 96 73 18 5
1928 What if it doesn’t matter who the good boy is? 1.2917 0.06689 72 55 13 4
1929 Then he just stopped bringing out food after the bell. 1.2917 0.06976 72 56 11 5
1930 Have you thought that maybe she is just cat person. 1.2917 0.05112 96 70 24 2
1931 And I’m still having the recurring dream where I’m naked and caged in someone’s bedroom. 1.2913 0.04887 127 96 25 6
1932 I mean, what’s so bad about putting “cat/kitten” next to my name if that’s how I feel? 1.2913 0.05455 103 78 20 5
1933 It all started at the Westminster when nature called. 1.2911 0.06016 79 59 17 3
1934 I just wonder: is there any room for a vegan in this dog-eat-dog world? 1.2907 0.06159 86 66 15 5
1935 It’s a recurring nightmare where I actually catch the car! 1.2907 0.05933 86 65 17 4
1936 Is it transference if I have a bone to pick with you? 1.2907 0.06793 86 69 9 8
1937 Progress, but I'm still struggling with the fire hydrants issue. 1.2907 0.05698 86 64 19 3
1938 And then the guy sang, "You ain't nothing but a hound dog." 1.2907 0.05933 86 65 17 4
1939 Lately everyone I see looks like a cat. 1.2907 0.06159 86 66 15 5
1940 It feels like sometimes I’m just chasing my own tail, you know? 1.2907 0.05933 86 65 17 4
1941 I just feel like I am on a leash 1.2907 0.06159 86 66 15 5
1942 I feel we live in two different worlds. You like the branches and I like the trunks. 1.2907 0.05933 86 65 17 4
1943 My Tik Tok views are cratering. 1.2907 0.06159 86 66 15 5
1944 It’s normal for dogs to feel that way. Humans are emotionally needy, too. 1.2906 0.05014 117 88 24 5
1945 Aren't you just tired of the rat race? 1.2903 0.05634 93 70 19 4
1946 But think of the anxiety when all my verse is called doggerel? 1.2903 0.05203 93 68 23 2
1947 I'm conflicted with my instinctual urge to kill you. 1.2903 0.05423 93 69 21 3
1948 Even when I was a puppy, I felt that I really was a kitten. 1.2903 0.05838 93 71 17 5
1949 And why do you think you've been feline down recently? 1.2903 0.05838 93 71 17 5
1950 I no longer can hang out with my pals, after I told them I was seeing a cat. 1.2900 0.06079 100 79 13 8
1951 You couldn’t possibly under the pressure of trying to be a good boy. It’s simply not in your nature. 1.2900 0.05738 100 77 17 6
1952 I’m afraid I have a Fido complex. 1.2900 0.05911 100 78 15 7
1953 Sometimes I just want to shout, “Gretchen, stop trying to make ‘fetch’ happen! It’s not going to happen.” But I don’t need to tell YOU that. 1.2900 0.05911 100 78 15 7
1954 The moment I fear most is when it´s raining cats and dogs 1.2900 0.05911 100 78 15 7
1955 And so, you see, when I woke up I was a dog. 1.2897 0.05313 107 81 21 5
1956 And I still have the urge to push my nose in my poop. 1.2897 0.05790 107 84 15 8
1957 I just feel like I’m always chasing my tail. 1.2895 0.06706 76 59 12 5
1958 “I swear it was a cat behind the wheel of the last car I chased.” 1.2895 0.05869 76 56 18 2
1959 Patient's neediness borders on contemptible. 1.2895 0.06160 76 57 16 3
1960 The only time I really feel alive is when I play dead. 1.2895 0.06963 76 60 10 6
1961 During a chase, I need to distinguish cats from skunks. 1.2895 0.06706 76 59 12 5
1962 And then they all yell "Who let the dog out" and woof at me! 1.2895 0.05392 114 88 19 7
1963 Oh, why do I even bother coming here. We both know dogs and cats can't talk. 1.2895 0.05246 114 87 21 6
1964 What does "Mind your own business" even mean? 1.2895 0.06706 76 59 12 5
1965 How exactly would running across the highway during rush hour help me? 1.2893 0.04758 121 90 27 4
1966 Doctor, I hope you can understand that my need to please feels obsessive. 1.2892 0.05563 83 61 20 2
1967 No, I haven't tried chasing the laser pointer. 1.2892 0.05563 83 61 20 2
1968 It IS a big woof! 1.2892 0.06534 83 65 12 6
1969 Pack life interferes with self-actualization. 1.2892 0.06306 83 64 14 5
1970 I would like to transition to a cat. 1.2892 0.06068 83 63 16 4
1971 I just can't get you out of my mind. 1.2892 0.05821 83 62 18 3
1972 I had that dream again where it was raining us. 1.2892 0.05563 83 61 20 2
1973 I try to be cool an then someone throws a ball. 1.2892 0.06306 83 64 14 5
1974 So you're telling me I should bite them when I want more pets? 1.2892 0.05563 83 61 20 2
1975 And in another twist of the nightmare, it was raining men. 1.2889 0.06170 90 70 14 6
1976 What's this thing called a zipper? What's it for? 1.2889 0.05751 90 68 18 4
1977 And then they went off on the 6th of July. 1.2889 0.05751 90 68 18 4
1978 Sometimes,a rubber cigar is just a rubber cigar. 1.2889 0.05299 90 66 22 2
1979 Licking your problems won’t make them go away. 1.2889 0.05529 90 67 20 3
1980 A bone for your thoughts. 1.2887 0.05068 97 71 24 2
1981 I've never been allowed up on a couch before. 1.2887 0.05068 97 71 24 2
1982 Sometimes I don't even know who's a good boy anymore." 1.2887 0.06035 97 76 14 7
1983 You must think I'm barking mad. 1.2885 0.05744 104 81 16 7
1984 I know I'm screwed up, but you're a therapist. For God's sake, don't be catty! 1.2885 0.04864 104 76 26 2
1985 It bothers me so much that humans call it 'doggy-style' that I have developed performance anxiety 1.2885 0.06061 104 83 12 9
1986 Because it's always meow meow meow in my dreams, never bark bark bark. 1.2885 0.05409 104 82 16 6
1987 I don't feel like the real me is a cat person or a dog person. 1.2883 0.05020 111 83 24 4
1988 I think you just can't accept that I'm not a cat person. 1.2883 0.05181 111 84 22 5
1989 This will never work. Cat people just don’t understand dog people. 1.2878 0.04706 139 106 26 7
1990 I am sorry we have been picking on your family all these years. 1.2877 0.06315 73 55 15 3
1991 I give and I give and I give to this family, but Felix purrs once a day and suddenly he’s the hero. 1.2877 0.06315 73 55 15 3
1992 I’d recommend we go the traditional therapy route. I can’t teach an old dog new tricks. 1.2877 0.06891 73 57 11 5
1993 Everyone toys with me. 1.2875 0.06212 80 61 15 4
1994 My tail cannot wag in these pants. 1.2875 0.06212 80 61 15 4
1995 Please! Don’t get catty with ME. 1.2875 0.06702 80 63 11 6
1996 I feel like when I say "woof" you hear "meow" 1.2875 0.06462 80 62 13 5
1997 The kids would tease me...call me a pussy...and I liked it. 1.2875 0.05680 80 59 19 2
1998 I grew up in a house with no milkbones. 1.2875 0.06212 80 61 15 4
1999 With you, I sense it's more than just mere curiosity. 1.2875 0.05680 80 59 19 2
2000 I want to be more like you. 1.2875 0.05680 80 59 19 2
2001 Is it really too much to ask for a little empathy here? 1.2875 0.05680 80 59 19 2
2002 You aim to please - I get it. But why? 1.2875 0.06702 80 63 11 6
2003 A new career? I'm not like you. I can't just learn... 1.2874 0.05874 87 66 17 4
2004 I can’t stop self-diagnosing myself with cat-scratch fever. 1.2874 0.06097 87 67 15 5
2005 Ya,nobody cares. 1.2874 0.05874 87 66 17 4
2006 The turtleneck is much cooler than the shirt and tie . . . but I'll take the couch over the chair any day. The spiral notepad and pen are a nice touch. 1.2874 0.05874 87 66 17 4
2007 Can we avoid a counter-transference? 1.2874 0.06313 87 68 13 6
2008 I hear you purring over there... you ~ in your mock turtleneck. 1.2874 0.05400 87 64 21 2
2009 I know I’m man’s best friend, but is he mine? 1.2874 0.05642 87 65 19 3
2010 Yes,I did try giving them a dead mouse. 1.2874 0.06097 87 67 15 5
2011 I feel like you’re treating me like a pussy 1.2874 0.06097 87 67 15 5
2012 ..& that’d be 100 ducks 🦆. See you next week. 1.2874 0.05874 87 66 17 4
2013 We have proof you peed on Donald Trump's leg! 1.2872 0.05784 94 72 17 5
2014 Why do I get blamed for those messes by the table? Chester never gets blamed. He just purs and flares his tail and they shower him with love. 1.2872 0.05784 94 72 17 5
2015 I think I might need my catnip upped. 1.2872 0.05374 94 70 21 3
2016 Thanks for asking, but I'm fine. I only came in because I was dog tired. 1.2872 0.06167 94 74 13 7
2017 Ever since the Broadway show I've indentified as a cat. 1.2872 0.05157 94 69 23 2
2018 I'm being accused of sniffing around the office too much. 1.2871 0.06026 101 80 13 8
2019 Sometimes it feels like my whole life is just a series of New Yorker cartoons. 1.2871 0.05328 101 76 21 4
2020 Well...at least we don't have to worry about transference. 1.2870 0.05271 108 82 21 5
2021 What’s a seven year itch? Can flea powder work? 1.2870 0.05589 108 84 17 7
2022 On the Internet, everybody knows that you’re a dog. 1.2870 0.05589 108 84 17 7
2023 Lately, I’ve had this strange urge to bury my poop. 1.2870 0.05432 108 83 19 6
2024 This is the first time I’ve been allowed on the bed. 1.2870 0.05432 108 83 19 6
2025 I am walked, sheltered, petted and fed. How can you tell me to feel indifferent? 1.2857 0.06110 91 71 14 6
2026 In my dreams, I'm always wearing clothes. 1.2857 0.07126 77 62 8 7
2027 Sometimes I feel like I am just chasing my tail; I don’t suppose you ever feel that way? 1.2857 0.05507 84 62 20 2
2028 I just don't think you can really understand.... 1.2857 0.06239 84 65 14 5
2029 Its normal to sleep all day, but the feelings of not holding grudges, almost complete obediance, and the need to be in a group regularly, that has me more than a little concerned. 1.2857 0.06465 84 66 12 6
2030 Don't be a pussy 1.2857 0.06366 77 59 14 4
2031 It's not resistance. I just roll over and play dead. 1.2857 0.06005 84 64 16 4
2032 I love to torment cats. 1.2857 0.05618 98 75 18 5
2033 I prefer women's clothes but the artist refuses to draw me in them. 1.2857 0.05696 105 82 16 7
2034 Ok so they told you repeatedly to stay off the couch. 1.2857 0.06629 77 60 12 5
2035 I'm purring in my sleep and my wife is getting suspicious. 1.2857 0.05696 91 69 18 4
2036 I can jump. I can fetch. But I can’t understand women. 1.2857 0.06239 84 65 14 5
2037 I can't find the right neutered pronoun. 1.2857 0.06306 91 72 12 7
2038 Uh Uh Uh meow Uh Uh 1.2857 0.05533 105 81 18 6
2039 She said Meow 1.2857 0.06793 70 54 12 4
2040 After we talk,you can chase me around the room. 1.2857 0.05533 105 81 18 6
2041 It's been hard being a cat person. 1.2857 0.06005 84 64 16 4
2042 I’m depressed & losing my predatory instinct….I don’t even want to chase you around. 1.2857 0.05365 105 80 20 5
2043 I have trouble sharing my felines. I mean, my feelings! Sorry, was that a Freudian slip? 1.2857 0.06882 77 61 10 6
2044 Why don’t cats like you? Hmm… 1.2857 0.05191 105 79 22 4
2045 First session is on loyalty. 1.2857 0.06005 84 64 16 4
2046 Before we start, you've come to the right place. We are species-blind. 1.2857 0.05191 105 79 22 4
2047 I don’t see how you can be objective about this. 1.2857 0.05427 98 74 20 4
2048 You're my tenth referral. I'm not sure if I'm the problem. 1.2857 0.07126 77 62 8 7
2049 It all started when I was just a pup. 1.2857 0.05427 98 74 20 4
2050 I just don’t think I’m a good boy. 1.2857 0.05477 91 68 20 3
2051 I guess it’s just been a ruff year. 1.2857 0.06005 84 64 16 4
2052 You're fine. How am I? 1.2857 0.05507 84 62 20 2
2053 Transference is a bitch. (Or a "hitch, if "bitch not permitted.) 1.2857 0.05906 91 70 16 5
2054 What do you mean, I’m in your chair? 1.2857 0.05804 77 57 18 2
2055 Whatever happened to Doctor Maus?” 1.2857 0.05802 98 76 16 6
2056 I have been having nightmares of seeing cats 1.2857 0.05365 105 80 20 5
2057 For once in your nine lives, pay attention to me. 1.2857 0.05230 98 73 22 3
2058 I'm not comfortable talking about my felines. 1.2857 0.06793 70 54 12 4
2059 It sounds like you're a people pleaser. 1.2857 0.05906 91 70 16 5
2060 I’m not supposed to be up on the furniture. I don’t know how I feel about this! 1.2857 0.05477 91 68 20 3
2061 Ive always identified as a cat. I’m sick of having to be “on” all the time and be cute on command! I wanna sit on top of an unreachable height like the kitchen cabinets and hide for once! 1.2857 0.05295 112 86 20 6
2062 I’m in the dog house 1.2857 0.06110 91 71 14 6
2063 I’m tired of being such a people-pleaser 1.2857 0.06110 91 71 14 6
2064 I feel lower than a Dachshund." 1.2845 0.05020 116 88 23 5
2065 So you're saying deep down they actually do want me to pee on the carpets? 1.2843 0.05808 102 80 15 7
2066 I'm man's best friend, but who's MY best friend? 1.2843 0.05808 102 80 15 7
2067 Sounds like the psychedelics are working- so you’re saying I’m a cat and you’re a dog? 1.2843 0.05808 102 80 15 7
2068 You don't understand, Doc. In your line of work you're not expected to eat cat to succeed. 1.2843 0.06133 102 82 11 9
2069 I'm afraid of dying, but of course you wouldn't understand. 1.2842 0.05731 95 73 17 5
2070 What do you think your recurring dream of us falling from the sky means? 1.2842 0.05731 95 73 17 5
2071 No, it’s fine. Some of my best friends are cat. 1.2842 0.05325 95 71 21 3
2072 Honestly, I wish I could be like you and just not care 1.2842 0.05731 95 73 17 5
2073 We are going to have to work on more professional ways of marking your territory. 1.2841 0.06036 88 68 15 5
2074 That is, I am a cat in a dog's body. 1.2841 0.05587 88 66 19 3
2075 I've been chasing after the wrong things all my life. 1.2841 0.05348 88 65 21 2
2076 Just humor them into subservience 1.2841 0.05816 88 67 17 4
2077 I feel I'm pretty normal. I have one passion - the New Yorker cartoon and all their talking animals. Maybe it's getting to me. I don't know. 1.2840 0.06145 81 62 15 4
2078 I’ve always had this feeling that I don’t fit in…since I was a kitten, really. 1.2840 0.06145 81 62 15 4
2079 It's a dog-eat-dog world and I feel like I'm lunch. 1.2840 0.06391 81 63 13 5
2080 I think you should look less eager... try having more mystery. 1.2840 0.06145 81 62 15 4
2081 We are both alumni of the same Humane Society, yet I don’t understand why I have a “Master”and you have “Staff”. 1.2840 0.06628 81 64 11 6
2082 I can’t seem to overcome this desire to bite some of my colleagues. 1.2840 0.06391 81 63 13 5
2083 That dream where I chase you around the room is back. 1.2840 0.05889 81 61 17 3
2084 …and then I ate my own poop. 1.2840 0.06391 81 63 13 5
2085 I have nightmares in which I'm being chased by squirrels. 1.2838 0.07075 74 59 9 6
2086 If every dog has its day, so far this is the year of the cat. 1.2838 0.06241 74 56 15 3
2087 I keep having these dreams. About chasing you around the room! 1.2838 0.06808 74 58 11 5
2088 It's a recurrent nightmare -- I'm at the base of a tree, on all fours, howling at a pale, furry tail hanging down from a branch above. 1.2838 0.05616 74 54 19 1
2089 At least you’ve got nine lives. 1.2838 0.06241 74 56 15 3
2090 And then she said she’s not a dog person 1.2838 0.06531 74 57 13 4
2091 Do you have trouble convincing people to take you seriously? 1.2836 0.06991 67 52 11 4
2092 So I just told her, “Get over it. I’m a dog…I’m supposed to wag my tail!” 1.2836 0.06311 67 50 15 2
2093 I just worry that I’m too much of a people pleaser. 1.2828 0.05568 99 76 18 5
2094 The joy, the guilt, the expectation, the worry—I’m always just such a ball of emotions. Ball! Where’s my ball? 1.2828 0.05750 99 77 16 6
2095 But I can’t just ignore him. 1.2826 0.05642 92 70 18 4
2096 And then, everyone in the room is calling me a ‘bad boy’ for pooping on the carpet, and then I wake up. 1.2826 0.05850 92 71 16 5
2097 I just don’t know why my bite isn’t as bad as my bark. 1.2826 0.05850 92 71 16 5
2098 It was horrible doc. After my constant whimpering and whining she told me to snap out of it and to quit acting like a pussy. 1.2826 0.06051 92 72 14 6
2099 I…I’ve developed a taste for cat food. I’m so ashamed! 1.2826 0.05202 92 68 22 2
2100 in my world, we only live once !! 1.2826 0.05850 92 71 16 5
2101 'Can't stand this new puppy in the house! everybody thinks HE's so cut...but what about me ?? 1.2826 0.05850 92 71 16 5
2102 If I chase you, am I cured? 1.2824 0.05944 85 65 16 4
2103 But do you really think its possible to go through life never needing the approval of others? 1.2824 0.05944 85 65 16 4
2104 Um...woof? 1.2824 0.06613 85 68 10 7
2105 It's the "nothing but" part that hounds me. 1.2824 0.05703 85 64 18 3
2106 But, how does one, ‘Pay attention to your own needs not your master’s’? 1.2824 0.06175 85 66 14 5
2107 And is Squirrel in the room with us now? 1.2824 0.06613 85 68 10 7
2108 No, No… It’s not that… I’m just afraid one day I’ll act on it. Go for your throat. THEN where will I go!? 1.2824 0.05703 85 64 18 3
2109 I dreamt my mother was a cat, my father...even you, doctor... 1.2821 0.04982 117 89 23 5
2110 He throws the ball. I fetch. You're saying it doesn't have to be that way? 1.2821 0.05128 117 90 21 6
2111 Lie in a paper bag. Lie in a paper bag." Is that your solution to everything 1.2821 0.06803 78 62 10 6
2112 Loosen your tie and tell me your doggie-woes. 1.2821 0.06554 78 61 12 5
2113 I dreamed we changed places, but I still did all the talking. 1.2821 0.05741 78 58 18 2
2114 I'm just not sure chasing mailmen is really how I want to spend the rest of my life. 1.2821 0.05741 78 58 18 2
2115 I work like a dog all day, doc... and for what? Dry kibble in a bowl? Y'know, they could throw me a bone sometimes! 1.2821 0.05741 78 58 18 2
2116 I dreamed that I was walking to my office and suddenly realized I was naked. 1.2821 0.06294 78 60 14 4
2117 Well, this is humiliating! 1.2821 0.05443 78 57 20 1
2118 And in the dream, I’m being chased by the bone. 1.2821 0.06024 78 59 16 3
2119 The problem is you care too much. 1.2818 0.05500 110 86 17 7
2120 Sometimes I feel like I'm never going to have MY day. 1.2817 0.06401 71 54 14 3
2121 Even my wife thinks I’m a pussy. 1.2817 0.07002 71 56 10 5
2122 Life was great until my owners got a cat. 1.2817 0.06401 71 54 14 3
2123 I feel that I push too many relationships to metaphor. 1.2817 0.06401 71 54 14 3
2124 Have you tried existing in the liminal space between outside and inside? 1.2817 0.07002 71 56 10 5
2125 I always dreamed of having whiskers. 1.2816 0.05054 103 77 23 3
2126 Then this cat entered the room. I only did what was expected. 1.2816 0.05239 103 78 21 4
2127 If having a Pavlovian response involves a treat, I just don’t see the problem. 1.2816 0.05418 103 79 19 5
2128 I thought I had tried everything, and then I remembered that you guys specialize in past lives. 1.2816 0.05590 103 80 17 6
2129 I’ve been fighting the urge to run into traffic. 1.2812 0.05066 96 71 23 2
2130 We were crazy in love. My parents insisted, "No felines, only canines." We should have eloped, but ....... 1.2812 0.05482 96 73 19 4
2131 Well, I think cat whiskers have always been my trigger 1.2812 0.05278 96 72 21 3
2132 After four years of smelling rear ends and I still cannot find a match. 1.2812 0.05278 96 72 21 3
2133 I feel like I’m going in squirrels chasing these circles 1.2812 0.05678 96 74 17 5
2134 I don't want to be his best friend anymore. 1.2809 0.05533 89 67 19 3
2135 I resent being stereotyped, but what would you know about that? 1.2809 0.05977 89 69 15 5
2136 So it was announced that I got this big promotion, and one of my colleagues says, "do you want to celebrate by chasing squirrels" ? And I say "who do you think I am" ? Then it occurs to me I really don't know anymore... 1.2809 0.05759 89 68 17 4
2137 I don't know, Doc. Sometimes I just feel like my tail's wagging ME. 1.2809 0.05977 89 69 15 5
2138 I know, doc, its just that I'm so codependent! 1.2809 0.05051 89 65 23 1
2139 Have you ever felt like not wanting to retrieve anymore? 1.2809 0.05533 89 67 19 3
2140 I feel like I am always chasing my tail. You know what I mean? 1.2809 0.05759 89 68 17 4
2141 My bark is worse than my bite 1.2809 0.05977 89 69 15 5
2142 I guess I just care too much. 1.2809 0.05533 89 67 19 3
2143 If the grass is hot, have you tried going potty in a litter box? 1.2807 0.05503 114 90 16 8
2144 Now don't go scratch my nose if I say this... 1.2805 0.05827 82 62 17 3
2145 I fear I'm going to lose my job with the studio. I can't come up with a good chase scene. 1.2805 0.06322 82 64 13 5
2146 Why is it when I get home I’m always in the doghouse? 1.2805 0.06322 82 64 13 5
2147 I don't know why it is, they treat me like a dog at work. 1.2805 0.05827 82 62 17 3
2148 I thought I was man's best friend, and then he turned me out because his fiancee had two cats? 1.2805 0.06079 82 63 15 4
2149 I really would rather chase something..... 1.2805 0.05562 82 61 19 2
2150 I wish I could be more like you, and not always need to be pleasing everyone. Plus, I’d love to be able to purr. 1.2805 0.05285 82 60 21 1
2151 Wouldn’t this be considered a conflict of interest? 1.2805 0.05827 82 62 17 3
2152 It’s still so hard to accept that I’m allowed on the couch. 1.2805 0.06079 82 63 15 4
2153 Being loyal isn’t always good 1.2805 0.05562 82 61 19 2
2154 What do u mean by strong emotional ties, Doctor? 1.2805 0.05827 82 62 17 3
2155 I've tried going to a new park. I got me a new ball, even tried a frisbee. Every morning I look in the mirror and tell myself I'm such a good boy. So why do I still feel empty inside? 1.2804 0.05442 107 83 18 6
2156 ....so this time, I finally caught my tail....and then I woke up, and....well....now I can't help but feel that that's it. My life is over. 1.2800 0.05519 100 77 18 5
2157 I can't escape this overwhelming feeling of manipulation. 1.2800 0.05869 75 56 17 2
2158 ... and then my dad threw the tennis ball over the fence. 1.2800 0.05333 100 76 20 4
2159 My name? That’s spelled C E R B E R U S on the corporation stationary 1.2800 0.05519 100 77 18 5
2160 I didn't get enough attention as a puppy. 1.2800 0.05700 100 78 16 6
2161 What if I called you a cat ? How would you feel? 1.2800 0.05700 100 78 16 6
2162 Am I dreaming? 1.2800 0.07488 75 62 5 8
2163 My friends tell me you're the expert when it comes to catnip addiction. 1.2800 0.05869 75 56 17 2
2164 So tell me about this "leash" thing 1.2800 0.06454 75 58 13 4
2165 I have never even met my father, my mother is a bitch, my brother got killed chasing a car and my sister gave birth to six babies out of wedlock. 1.2800 0.05869 75 56 17 2
2166 I think it all stems from being the runt of the litter… 1.2800 0.05700 100 78 16 6
2167 I can't escape the feeling that my entire personality is just a manufactured representation of my owner's subconcious desires. 1.2796 0.05993 93 73 14 6
2168 But they keep telling me to stay OFF the couch! 1.2796 0.05376 93 70 20 3
2169 Honestly, I tried, but 'a complete lack of concern for anyone but myself''doesn't seem to work for me. 1.2796 0.05993 93 73 14 6
2170 Your mother sounds like a real bitch. 1.2796 0.05993 93 73 14 6
2171 Can you help me find the motivation to chase you under that chair? 1.2796 0.05376 93 70 20 3
2172 I'm not in touch with my inner cat 1.2796 0.05795 93 72 16 5
2173 Is it me or does it smell fishy in here? 1.2796 0.05154 93 69 22 2
2174 And how does it make you feel that you have only one life to live? 1.2796 0.05795 93 72 16 5
2175 I bring them dead birds, scratch up the sofa, and couldn’t be more aloof - so where’s my laser pointer playtime? 1.2794 0.06231 68 51 15 2
2176 I don’t understand why I need the “good boy” affirmation. You obviously don’t. 1.2793 0.05303 111 86 19 6
2177 It's right here in the DSM; "Brown Noser Syndrome. But a lot of your people have it. 1.2793 0.04985 111 84 23 4
2178 I know it's hard for you to understand, but I'm a people person. 1.2791 0.06111 86 67 14 5
2179 That's the part I don't get, doc. My owners are always yelling at the TV saying you're assigned a gender at birth, but they sure had no problem changing mine! 1.2791 0.05883 86 66 16 4
2180 Now that I have come out as a dog, I'm conflicted about the whole litter box/fire hydrent issue. 1.2791 0.05646 86 65 18 3
2181 I don't expect you to understand, but I think he's giving me the silent treatment. 1.2791 0.05646 86 65 18 3
2182 And the whole time everyone is posting about which way dogs would wear pants, no one ever thinks to ask the dogs how they themselves would like to wear them... 1.2791 0.06111 86 67 14 5
2183 If I'm being honest, I have trouble trusting even you. 1.2791 0.05398 86 64 20 2
2184 He never understood… He’s a good boy too! 1.2791 0.06111 86 67 14 5
2185 When I bite the mailman, the mailman is....me? 1.2788 0.05195 104 79 21 4
2186 And they call ME a pussy! 1.2788 0.05372 104 80 19 5
2187 Yes, I have CATastrophic problems! 1.2785 0.05679 79 59 18 2
2188 You’d think by now they’d know who’s their good boy. 1.2785 0.06480 79 62 12 5
2189 The dream is always the same: I am in middle of a bunch of strangers, all of whom are staring at me, and I am not wearing any pants. 1.2785 0.06224 79 61 14 4
2190 I don't understand, I pay for these sessions but still want to eat you 1.2785 0.05958 79 60 16 3
2191 That’s easy for you to say, Doctor, but try as I might I’ve never been able to land on my feet. 1.2785 0.06224 79 61 14 4
2192 Doc, I’m SO conflicted. If I go indoors they are very angry and berate me, but outside I’m praised and they collect it in a bag as if it’s a treasured prize! 1.2785 0.06480 79 62 12 5
2193 Do I look neurotic? Am I neurotic? Do I act neurotic? Should I be on medication? I can't control my tail. 1.2785 0.05958 79 60 16 3
2194 First they came for the dogs…. 1.2785 0.05679 79 59 18 2
2195 My owners puts all this pressure on me to speak but when I do, they don’t like what I have to say. 1.2785 0.06480 79 62 12 5
2196 I DONT WANT TO BE HIS BEST FRIEND! 1.2784 0.05815 97 76 15 6
2197 They say 'good boy' but I know I'm not. 1.2784 0.05433 97 74 19 4
2198 All day long I fetch. "Go get the stick! Go find the ball! Where is the bone?" Everywhere I go,Dogs enslaved in endless meaningless object pursuit! Do you have any advice how to handle this,Doc? #MyNewyorkercaptioncontest 1.2784 0.05815 97 76 15 6
2199 I’ve had a hard time finding a therapist who understands me. 1.2784 0.05231 97 73 21 3
2200 My mom was a bitch. 1.2778 0.06126 90 71 13 6
2201 It's a dog eat dog food world out there... 1.2778 0.06126 90 71 13 6
2202 In my dream last night I finally caught up with the car… 1.2778 0.06324 72 55 14 3
2203 Now tell me about your relationship with your mailman 1.2778 0.06007 72 54 16 2
2204 But I was never allowed on the furniture as a pup 1.2778 0.05703 90 69 17 4
2205 How can I NOT be a people-pleaser? 1.2778 0.06626 72 56 12 4
2206 Have you even seen how many followers Doug the Pug has?! I just thought by 6 years old, I would have accomplished more. 1.2778 0.05480 90 68 19 3
2207 And don't even get me started on cats." 1.2778 0.05235 108 83 20 5
2208 I don’t understand why they have to dress me up to go for a walk. 1.2778 0.05480 90 68 19 3
2209 And how did that make you feel? 1.2778 0.05703 90 69 17 4
2210 I recommend a 12-step program for dogs who wear clothing. 1.2778 0.04893 108 81 24 3
2211 Let go of the shame, Harold. Most dogs your age wet the bed. And actually, most cats do it on purpose. 1.2778 0.05235 108 83 20 5
2212 Why does “playing dead” always spark an existential crisis for me? 1.2778 0.06126 90 71 13 6
2213 I am not sure you can understand my cultural background enough to help me. 1.2778 0.05703 90 69 17 4
2214 Maybe you could prescribe me something stronger than catnip? 1.2778 0.05918 90 70 15 5
2215 It's a dog's life. 1.2778 0.05480 90 68 19 3
2216 You say they triple dog-dared you? 1.2778 0.05918 90 70 15 5
2217 I just feel bones don’t make me happy anymore 1.2778 0.05247 90 67 21 2
2218 And I can tell you about the mouse hole with complete doctor-patient confidentiality? 1.2772 0.05650 101 79 16 6
2219 Actually I just came in because it's raining cats and dogs out there. 1.2772 0.05822 101 80 14 7
2220 How do you mean, 'Get off the couch!'? 1.2772 0.05288 101 77 20 4
2221 Did you just laugh? 1.2771 0.05505 83 62 19 2
2222 Sometimes I feel like I'm just chasing my own tail. 1.2771 0.06015 83 64 15 4
2223 When they call me "Good boy", do I deserve it? And if I do, will I ever been anything else than a good boy? What about a "Great boy"? 1.2771 0.06255 83 65 13 5
2224 So do YOU think I'm prissy and self-absorbed? 1.2771 0.06255 83 65 13 5
2225 I came to you because of my unhealthy obsession with my owner 1.2771 0.06015 83 64 15 4
2226 It’s depressing when I get home from work and no one is excited to see me. 1.2771 0.05766 83 63 17 3
2227 -Imagine me trying to explain this to a human 1.2771 0.05766 83 63 17 3
2228 So you are saying belly rub is not your thing ? 1.2771 0.05231 83 61 21 1
2229 She keeps saying I need to get in touch with my feline side. 1.2771 0.06485 83 66 11 6
2230 Really, why can't we all just get along? 1.2766 0.05108 94 70 22 2
2231 So I'm thinking, why should cats get nine lives...no offence intended. 1.2766 0.05741 94 73 16 5
2232 I don't quite understand your last meow. 1.2766 0.04879 94 69 24 1
2233 I keep fantasizing that somebody’s out to get me. 1.2766 0.05741 94 73 16 5
2234 It has been a ruff week. 1.2766 0.05741 94 73 16 5
2235 I just don’t think I’ll ever find another pillow to love. 1.2766 0.06126 94 75 12 7
2236 When did you start wearing male clothing? 1.2763 0.06379 76 59 13 4
2237 I dreamt I was a poodle. 1.2763 0.05803 76 57 17 2
2238 I just can't seem to stop the rat race as well as you can. 1.2763 0.06649 76 60 11 5
2239 So Doctor, how many more sessions until I’m cured and can start chasing you? 1.2763 0.06098 76 58 15 3
2240 I’m just afraid we all really don’t get to go to hea…Nevermind you wouldn’t understand. 1.2763 0.05493 76 56 19 1
2241 So I thought maybe they’ll love me more if I learn to purr? 1.2763 0.06649 76 60 11 5
2242 And how would a Cat know what its like to be a dog in a dog-eat-dog world." 1.2759 0.05824 87 67 16 4
2243 I'm beginning to think that I'll never catch my tail. 1.2759 0.05590 87 66 18 3
2244 Your mother being a bitch, how did that make you feel? 1.2759 0.05590 87 66 18 3
2245 Wait...that squirrel I've been chasing is really my mother? 1.2759 0.06049 87 68 14 5
2246 I like milk bones… 1.2759 0.05824 87 67 16 4
2247 I mean am I really a "good boy"? Am I such a good, good boy? 1.2759 0.05824 87 67 16 4
2248 I’m jealous that I only have the one life. 1.2759 0.05590 87 66 18 3
2249 Every time I open my eyes I see a damn cat. 1.2759 0.06049 87 68 14 5
2250 So it's normal to plan the deaths of your owners? 1.2759 0.06049 87 68 14 5
2251 I don't know why I behave like an animal. 1.2755 0.05186 98 74 21 3
2252 I'm not sure if I'm a good boy or a bad boy. 1.2755 0.04979 98 73 23 2
2253 Every time we play fetch, I lose all self-esteem. 1.2755 0.05385 98 75 19 4
2254 I keep having the nightmare about becoming a human. 1.2755 0.05762 98 77 15 6
2255 So do I make another appointment or just chase you into your office? 1.2755 0.05577 98 76 17 5
2256 So do you think a cat scan will determine if it’s just puppy love? 1.2755 0.05762 98 77 15 6
2257 I know it's a cliche to blame everything on my mother but she really was a bitch. 1.2755 0.05577 98 76 17 5
2258 It’s that simple. I see a tennis ball, and I need to put it in my mouth. 1.2755 0.05186 98 74 21 3
2259 How could you possibly understand? 1.2755 0.04979 98 73 23 2
2260 We can pick this up again next week. The mouse is here for his 1 o’clock. 1.2755 0.05577 98 76 17 5
2261 So you believe you are a dog and that everyone else is a cat? 1.2755 0.05762 98 77 15 6
2262 It's like I am seeing cats everywhere. 1.2755 0.05762 98 77 15 6
2263 I have this nightmare, cats control everything. 1.2754 0.06811 69 54 11 4
2264 So, you're telling me that everything has always been my fault. 1.2752 0.05027 109 83 22 4
2265 Your advice to 'be your own best friend' isn't working out for me. 1.2750 0.05329 80 59 20 1
2266 But I'm a dog! 1.2750 0.05618 80 60 18 2
2267 Being defined as a “Good Boy” just isn’t as fulfilling as it once was. 1.2750 0.05893 80 61 16 3
2268 He’s always asking “Who’s a good boy” when I’m the only one in the room. What, am I invisible? 1.2750 0.06156 80 62 14 4
2269 I just can't let it go - who would steal my little canary? 1.2750 0.05618 80 60 18 2
2270 My last therapist said that if I denied my innate desire to chase cats, it would lead to depression, so . . . Can we run now? 1.2750 0.06156 80 62 14 4
2271 Why can't we all just get along? 1.2750 0.06156 80 62 14 4
2272 I feel like it's always pouring rain. Do you feel the same? 1.2750 0.06156 80 62 14 4
2273 I have fleas. 1.2750 0.06156 80 62 14 4
2274 …so I bit it, naturally. Turns out, it was my own tail! She just laughed. 1.2750 0.05893 80 61 16 3
2275 These days there might not be a right tree. 1.2750 0.05329 80 59 20 1
2276 I guess I was just expecting more outta the dog days, you know? 1.2750 0.05153 120 94 19 7
2277 Qualities we don't share? Well, starting with the Scout oath, there's Trustworthy, Loyal, Helpful, Friendly, Courteous, Kind, Obedient, Cheerful, Brave ... 1.2747 0.05861 91 71 15 5
2278 Help me, I'm living a dog's life. 1.2747 0.05649 91 70 17 4
2279 It's always, go fetch this or go fetch that. 1.2747 0.05649 91 70 17 4
2280 But am I really a good dog? 1.2747 0.05428 91 69 19 3
2281 ...and that's my pet peeve. 1.2747 0.05861 91 71 15 5
2282 It all started when my owner got a cat. 1.2747 0.05861 91 71 15 5
2283 I came to you because I have a furball fetish. 1.2745 0.05242 102 78 20 4
2284 I mean... every dog is supposed to have his day... right? 1.2745 0.05242 102 78 20 4
2285 It not about the bones, it's never been about the bones. 1.2745 0.05054 102 77 22 3
2286 It's not that I don't like dogs. I just happen to prefer cat tail. 1.2745 0.05424 102 79 18 5
2287 My biggest concern is that you can climb trees and I can’t . Why is that ? 1.2745 0.05242 102 78 20 4
2288 I dreamt I was a bird... 1.2745 0.05601 102 80 16 6
2289 How can I be like you? No begging and no reflexive salivation. 1.2745 0.05424 102 79 18 5
2290 Lately, I've just been chasing my tail.... 1.2742 0.07333 62 49 9 4
2291 It really is a dog-eat-dog world 1.2740 0.06248 73 56 14 3
2292 I see squirrels everywhere 1.2740 0.06546 73 57 12 4
2293 And then she attacked me and tried to claw my eyes out. What should I have done? 1.2738 0.05179 84 62 21 1
2294 The Labradoodles and Bernedoodles are a big clique at work. They bring their grain free food, fancy orthopedic dog beds, and the lavender scented shampoo smell makes me sneeze. In the olden days it used to be a Golden Retriever and Alpo world..... 1.2738 0.05952 84 65 15 4
2295 What bothers me most is she thinks I just lay around and sleep all day while she's gone. 1.2738 0.06189 84 66 13 5
2296 Looks like you’re the pussy here 1.2738 0.06189 84 66 13 5
2297 ... and then they told me that loyalty, obedience and affection weren't the traits they were looking for. 1.2738 0.05952 84 65 15 4
2298 Honestly, I think I’m having the dream again right now. 1.2738 0.06189 84 66 13 5
2299 Nothing's wrong-I just like getting to be on a couch. 1.2738 0.06416 84 67 11 6
2300 Please, tell me less about that. 1.2738 0.05449 84 63 19 2
2301 I'm afraid of monkeypox. 1.2737 0.05279 95 72 20 3
2302 'Twas the dog days of summer.... 1.2737 0.05687 95 74 16 5
2303 I had this awful dream,it was raining people. 1.2737 0.06068 95 76 12 7
2304 Hmmm. Excuse me did you say were chasing Pussy? 1.2737 0.05881 95 75 14 6
2305 I had it good -- back in my previous life when I was a cat. 1.2737 0.05687 95 74 16 5
2306 Yes, I know, he feeds me, he takes me for walks. But I don’t think he loves me anymore 1.2737 0.05062 95 71 22 2
2307 Your techniques are not working. My wife still says I’m too needy. 1.2737 0.05881 95 75 14 6
2308 My owner is transgendering. 1.2737 0.05487 95 73 18 4
2309 I keep having these strange dreams where my therapist turns into a cat. 1.2736 0.05110 106 81 21 4
2310 I bark a lot, can’t stop licking people, and eat food off their plates. 1.2736 0.05771 106 85 13 8
2311 I just get tired of everyone loving me so much. 1.2736 0.04931 106 80 23 3
2312 Let's just put it this way: my sex life has not been the cat's meow. 1.2736 0.04552 106 78 27 1
2313 Have you tried scratching the furniture? Is quite relaxing... 1.2736 0.05110 106 81 21 4
2314 Yes, but you must first learn to be a "good boy" to yourself. 1.2727 0.05535 88 67 18 3
2315 My family says I'm too trusting. 1.2727 0.05535 88 67 18 3
2316 I think the feelings of guilt began when he first asked me, "Who's a good boy?" 1.2727 0.05294 88 66 20 2
2317 Doc you don’t understand what it’s like to go through life constantly chasing your own tail and never catching a break. 1.2727 0.07012 66 52 10 4
2318 I'm just not ready for a pet human 1.2727 0.05294 88 66 20 2
2319 And one day I just looked in the mirror and decided I had enough of this dog eat dog world. 1.2727 0.05527 99 77 17 5
2320 I think you are fine, being antisocial is a normal trait. 1.2727 0.05931 66 49 16 1
2321 I just wish I could speak to someone who understood my problems 1.2727 0.05739 77 58 17 2
2322 You wouldn’t understand. It’s too much pressure to always be his best friend. 1.2727 0.06029 77 59 15 3
2323 I feel I’m too subservient and eager to please. Can you help me with that? 1.2727 0.04936 99 74 23 2
2324 Seriously, you just wouldn't get it. 1.2727 0.05535 88 67 18 3
2325 All the influencers are humans. 1.2727 0.05988 88 69 14 5
2326 It all started with the CAT scan 1.2727 0.06029 77 59 15 3
2327 The litter box? 1.2727 0.06029 77 59 15 3
2328 '"It's a dog's life'"- Really? What does that even mean?' 1.2727 0.05739 77 58 17 2
2329 My boss told me I’m the worst carnival barker he’s ever seen. 1.2727 0.05140 99 75 21 3
2330 I believe we're dealing with what we refer to as "runt of the litter" syndrome. 1.2727 0.05294 88 66 20 2
2331 Let’s go over”Man’s Best Friend”again.Hmm? 1.2727 0.05294 88 66 20 2
2332 ...squirrel! 1.2727 0.06671 66 51 12 3
2333 I can’t help but wonder Dr Cat, if we are working at cross purposes? 1.2727 0.05527 99 77 17 5
2334 Ok, what would you do if you actually caught the car you were chasing? 1.2727 0.05151 110 85 20 5
2335 So, you are the cat’s meow. . .’” 1.2727 0.05151 110 85 20 5
2336 well... my mother was a bitch 1.2727 0.06572 77 61 11 5
2337 My people have an indoor cat -- and I eat his poop. 1.2727 0.05311 110 86 18 6
2338 Did your father also have an issue with cats” 1.2727 0.06572 77 61 11 5
2339 They said I was barking mad but in fairness they were walking by outside on the sidewalk. 1.2727 0.05527 99 77 17 5
2340 No,I told him he couldn’t turn my dog house into a home office. 1.2727 0.04936 99 74 23 2
2341 Why do you think you were barking up the wrong tree? 1.2727 0.06306 77 60 13 4
2342 How can I expect a breakthrough in my obsession with death when my therapist looks forward to 9 lives? 1.2727 0.06572 77 61 11 5
2343 I'm feeling catatonic at the moment. 1.2719 0.04709 114 86 25 3
2344 I keep dreaming that I'm a dog. 1.2717 0.05377 92 70 19 3
2345 I feel like the enemy knows all of my secrets 1.2717 0.05804 92 72 15 5
2346 I guess I keep coming back because this is the only sofa I can sit n without feeling guilty. 1.2717 0.05377 92 70 19 3
2347 It's a dog eat dog world out there -- you wouldn't understand. 1.2717 0.04913 92 68 23 1
2348 'Let this be a good reason for you to not protect them, Mr. Barkk' 1.2717 0.05804 92 72 15 5
2349 You could consider being less of a people pleaser. 1.2717 0.05804 92 72 15 5
2350 I can't figure out how to deal with my species fluidity 1.2717 0.06007 92 73 13 6
2351 Ever since I was a puppy I felt it would be cool to be a cat 1.2717 0.06007 92 73 13 6
2352 So, you’re saying they’re still working remotely? 1.2717 0.05377 92 70 19 3
2353 I feel like everyone in my life is trying to eat me- except you 1.2717 0.05377 92 70 19 3
2354 I think my wife is having an affair. 1.2716 0.06089 81 63 14 4
2355 I hate it when they have a “Bring your pet to work day!” 1.2716 0.06089 81 63 14 4
2356 They say I'm a good boy, but I don't always believe it. 1.2716 0.06576 81 65 10 6
2357 And then she said that,deep down,she's always been a cat person. 1.2716 0.05830 81 62 16 3
2358 That's your advice, take catnaps? 1.2716 0.06337 81 64 12 5
2359 Why does the thermometer have to go THERE? 1.2716 0.05274 81 60 20 1
2360 Work like a dog. Hot diggity dog. Dog days…. It doesn’t stop. 1.2716 0.06089 81 63 14 4
2361 I tried your suggestions: pawing at them, ignoring them, but they still expect me to roll over. 1.2716 0.06089 81 63 14 4
2362 Sometimes the world is too domesticated for me. 1.2716 0.05830 81 62 16 3
2363 Sometimes I wish I could just run around naked without society judging me 1.2716 0.06337 81 64 12 5
2364 Doc, some days I wish I were you, so I can has cheezburger. 1.2714 0.06410 70 54 13 3
2365 I'm hoping talking like this will ease our species historical dysphoria. 1.2710 0.05240 107 83 19 5
2366 So you're saying the root of all my problems is because I never learned to crap in a box? 1.2708 0.06191 96 78 10 8
2367 My bite has become worse than my bark. 1.2708 0.05017 96 72 22 2
2368 At the office they treat me like a dog. 1.2708 0.05826 96 76 14 6
2369 Animal assisted therapy 1.2708 0.05635 96 75 16 5
2370 And this week my human signed up for TikTok. When will it stop? 1.2708 0.05231 96 73 20 3
2371 I don’t know why I feel the need to bury things. 1.2708 0.05231 96 73 20 3
2372 Honestly, I'd be happier if it were cat eat cat out there. 1.2708 0.05017 96 72 22 2
2373 I tried to be aloof and ignore them after leaving me home for an hour, but I just couldn't do it. 1.2708 0.05437 96 74 18 4
2374 Are you suggesting everything stems from my overdeveloped need to please? 1.2708 0.05635 96 75 16 5
2375 I have a sickness of cats chasing me. 1.2708 0.05635 96 75 16 5
2376 So is it fair for my wife to believe I've been unfaithful because there is cat litter in our bed? 1.2708 0.05635 96 75 16 5
2377 «You must think I’m nothin’ but a hound dog» 1.2708 0.05635 96 75 16 5
2378 It really is a dog-eat-dog world out there. 1.2706 0.05648 85 65 17 3
2379 I'm afraid you'll never believe that I'm a good boy. 1.2706 0.05394 85 64 19 2
2380 No, I loved my mother and father. I just hate my psychiatrist. 1.2706 0.05648 85 65 17 3
2381 My nightmares are of me returning as a human. 1.2706 0.06124 85 67 13 5
2382 I’m a cat in a dog’s body. 1.2706 0.05891 85 66 15 4
2383 Sometimes I just need someone to support me 1.2706 0.06124 85 67 13 5
2384 Doc, don't know why I feel more comfortable with you rather than someone of my own species. Can you help me? 1.2706 0.06348 85 68 11 6
2385 Everyone around me seems aloof and uncaring. 1.2706 0.06348 85 68 11 6
2386 Was that a good or a disapproving purr? 1.2706 0.06348 85 68 11 6
2387 A dog is a dog is a dog in his Brooks Brothers tie, shirt, pants and Nike walking shoes." 1.2706 0.05891 85 66 15 4
2388 It was hard growing up. I was one of seven and our mom's a bitch. 1.2706 0.06124 85 67 13 5
2389 To begin with, I think you should know that I’ve never known who my mother was. 1.2706 0.05648 85 65 17 3
2390 Scratching the furniture just doesn’t do it for me, Doc. 1.2706 0.05648 85 65 17 3
2391 I need to learn how to get back on my feet. 1.2703 0.05867 74 56 16 2
2392 So you DO think I'm barking up the wrong tree? 1.2703 0.06174 74 57 14 3
2393 I'm depressed because I only have one life to live...but you wouldn't understand. 1.2703 0.05867 74 56 16 2
2394 Where's Wes Anderson 1.2703 0.06174 74 57 14 3
2395 These anthropomorphic dogs just drive me nuts. 1.2703 0.06747 74 59 10 5
2396 It started when I realized I can't herd cats? 1.2703 0.06467 74 58 12 4
2397 The only appreciation I get, for all my efforts, is just a pat on the head and "Good Boy". 1.2703 0.05422 111 88 16 7
2398 I don't think you would understand. 1.2703 0.05422 111 88 16 7
2399 So Dr. Katz, can you tell me why I'm so doggone depressed? 1.2703 0.06467 74 58 12 4
2400 I've been having a ruff time; you told me things would be purrfect. 1.2703 0.06174 74 57 14 3
2401 I want to learn how to be more relaxed. 1.2703 0.05867 74 56 16 2
2402 Some days, I would rather just play dead. 1.2700 0.05478 100 78 17 5
2403 I think I’ve been catfished. 1.2700 0.05835 100 80 13 7
2404 Why are you, a cat, giving me, a dog, therapy? 1.2700 0.05835 100 80 13 7
2405 My owners put a fire hydrant in the middle of a litter box. 1.2697 0.05929 89 70 14 5
2406 I'm having trouble visualizing the mailman naked. 1.2697 0.05929 89 70 14 5
2407 I am a friendless man's best friend 1.2697 0.05709 89 69 16 4
2408 To tell you the truth, Dr. Schroedinger, I'm not sure whether I should be here or not" 1.2697 0.06140 89 71 12 6
2409 How could you lecture me about wasting my life when you are on your fifth with four more to go! 1.2697 0.05709 89 69 16 4
2410 I dream about chasing tennis balls and psychiatrists. 1.2697 0.05709 89 69 16 4
2411 How many times did I tell you to stop watching FOX news? 1.2697 0.06140 89 71 12 6
2412 It's awful Doc. My own father called me a sonofabitch 1.2692 0.06235 78 61 13 4
2413 Why do they insist on plastic bags on every walk? 1.2692 0.04970 104 79 22 3
2414 Every night I dream that I become a mouse 1.2692 0.05333 104 81 18 5
2415 I' embarrassed to admit it, but I'm in love with a cat. Lew Freeman, Monterey, VA lewfreeman@gmail.com 1.2692 0.06235 78 61 13 4
2416 I'd like to circle back to your castration complex. 1.2692 0.06496 78 62 11 5
2417 If you identify as a dog, you're a dog. 1.2692 0.05962 78 60 15 3
2418 they'd throw the ball, but when I go to look, it's not there! they never threw it! I'm starting to have trust issues. 1.2692 0.06235 78 61 13 4
2419 Why must I purr to get your attention? 1.2692 0.06235 78 61 13 4
2420 Maybe I'd be better off just going through life alone, and not caring. Like you guys. 1.2692 0.05962 78 60 15 3
2421 I feel a little guilty talking about the cat in this way to you 1.2692 0.06235 78 61 13 4
2422 Will you please stop purring! 1.2688 0.05327 93 71 19 3
2423 She swore that she wasn’t having an affair, but this morning I found a fur ball under our bed! 1.2688 0.05327 93 71 19 3
2424 Of course I have seasonal depression - it's been raining cats and dogs! 1.2688 0.05749 93 73 15 5
2425 My need for praise seems endless. How do you deal with that? 1.2688 0.05749 93 73 15 5
2426 And exactly where has being Man's Best Friend gotten you? 1.2688 0.05749 93 73 15 5
2427 I've been submissive too long. 1.2688 0.05542 93 72 17 4
2428 You can't understand what it's like to have such a bitch of a mother! 1.2687 0.06230 67 51 14 2
2429 I'm under so much pressure to man's best friend 1.2685 0.04671 108 81 25 2
2430 I hate to be cynical, but really... who IS a good boy? 1.2683 0.05220 82 61 20 1
2431 I mean, what really is a "good boy" after all? 1.2683 0.05768 82 63 16 3
2432 My wife and I fight like cats and dogs. Excuse the expression. 1.2683 0.05768 82 63 16 3
2433 I had that mousy dream again… 1.2683 0.05768 82 63 16 3
2434 This is not exactly what I thought the phrase “ reigning” cats and dogs meant . Nice suit by the way. 1.2683 0.05768 82 63 16 3
2435 She says "Phhhfffttt!" I say "Woof!" and it's all downhill from there. 1.2683 0.05501 82 62 18 2
2436 It's Rough, Rough out there. 1.2683 0.06023 82 64 14 4
2437 I'm actually quite fond of you. 1.2683 0.06268 82 65 12 5
2438 Do I feel compulsions? Well, I don't...wait...Please. please don't throw that pencil. 1.2683 0.06268 82 65 12 5
2439 Somehow this felt easier on Zoom. 1.2683 0.05768 82 63 16 3
2440 I’ve got to get a life. 1.2683 0.05768 82 63 16 3
2441 I don’t know why, but I hate cats. 1.2683 0.06268 82 65 12 5
2442 No offense doc, but I'm happier here because they never let me on the couch at home. 1.2683 0.06023 82 64 14 4
2443 To say I dislike all felines is far from the truth. I'm very fond of Cat Stevens. 1.2683 0.06268 82 65 12 5
2444 I just feel like I could use an emotional support human for once 1.2683 0.05768 82 63 16 3
2445 What do you mean that they are not really allergic?! 1.2683 0.05501 82 62 18 2
2446 Can’t believe Tabby got promoted ahead of me! Just know she’s been sleeping on the boss’s lap… 1.2680 0.05388 97 75 18 4
2447 I don't get that litter box thing. 1.2680 0.05388 97 75 18 4
2448 I feel like I'm nobody's best friend. 1.2680 0.04973 97 73 22 2
2449 Woof woof woof woof? Woof woof woof - woof. Woof? WOOF. 1.2680 0.05956 97 78 12 7
2450 How can I not be depressed? My mother called me a dog when I was born! 1.2680 0.05584 97 76 16 5
2451 Your problem is you need to start thinking like a cat 1.2679 0.05071 112 87 20 5
2452 I keep trying to show my human how to poo outside but he still has never gone. I’m worried time is running out. 1.2679 0.05526 112 90 14 8
2453 I just feel like a different species”. 1.2676 0.06004 71 54 15 2
2454 I felt bad. She looked a little like you. 1.2676 0.06330 71 55 13 3
2455 I hate you. Don't leave me! 1.2676 0.07221 71 58 7 6
2456 Why are us dogs always expected to work in the service industry..? To be honest doc, I’m not sure I even like people that much. 1.2676 0.05291 71 52 19 0
2457 It's just that I identify as a cat. 1.2674 0.05830 86 67 15 4
2458 Do you really think you can help me recover my cat-killing instinct? 1.2674 0.05341 86 65 19 2
2459 No matter how hard I try, I can't be aloof. 1.2674 0.06060 86 68 13 5
2460 I even tried hiding under the bed, just like you said. 1.2674 0.05591 86 66 17 3
2461 You know how, like, you *always* have to wait for Master to open the door so you can go out and poop? 1.2674 0.06060 86 68 13 5
2462 I didn't mean anything by it—my mother is in fact a female dog. 1.2674 0.05591 86 66 17 3
2463 My partner looked it up on the web and told me I suffer from clawstrophobia. 1.2674 0.06060 86 68 13 5
2464 I’ve always had trouble finding appropriate role models. 1.2674 0.06060 86 68 13 5
2465 Isn’t it about time you started chasing yourself? 1.2674 0.05830 86 67 15 4
2466 The thing is... Everyone says I'm a good boy. But I know that I'm not. I think... I think I'm a bad boy, Doc. I think I'm a very bad boy. 1.2673 0.05245 101 78 19 4
2467 'I'd rather a cat and mouse than a dog eat dog world.' 1.2673 0.04852 101 76 23 2
2468 I'm sorry, but I have to put it in my notes. You know you're not allowed on the couch. 1.2673 0.05052 101 77 21 3
2469 I keep having this really strange nightmare. 1.2673 0.05430 101 79 17 5
2470 I had a dream that I was chasing you. 1.2673 0.05052 101 77 21 3
2471 I just can’t seem to shake this feline. 1.2673 0.05430 101 79 17 5
2472 I got a bone to pick with you Doc. 1.2672 0.05101 116 91 19 6
2473 I always feel like the cats are judging me 1.2667 0.06102 75 58 14 3
2474 And... and then he whacked me with a rolled up newspaper! 1.2667 0.05653 90 70 16 4
2475 I still don't know who's a good boy. 1.2667 0.06391 75 59 12 4
2476 Hmm...I'm not sure I understand. Can you elaborate on this thing you call your "need to be liked"? 1.2667 0.05112 105 81 20 4
2477 The first step toward healing is acknowledging that your desire to be a people pleaser is an illness. 1.2667 0.05428 90 69 18 3
2478 I know I'm an old dog but I really want to learn some new tricks. 1.2667 0.05870 90 71 14 5
2479 So, doc. , is felinophilia a common condition? 1.2667 0.05653 90 70 16 4
2480 So, you think it might have been another dog that gave me ringworm? 1.2667 0.05428 90 69 18 3
2481 My problem is I keep on eating the cat poop. 1.2667 0.07187 75 62 6 7
2482 When can I have my tongue back? 1.2667 0.05653 90 70 16 4
2483 I dreamed I had nine lives. 1.2667 0.05870 90 71 14 5
2484 I try so hard to be obedient, but I just can't shake these urges to upturn garbage cans and chase cars. 1.2667 0.05653 90 70 16 4
2485 Normally I’m not allowed on the couch… 1.2667 0.06391 75 59 12 4
2486 I can't talk to dogs. 1.2667 0.05653 90 70 16 4
2487 Sorry I was late, Doc. It’s raining like, well, us out there. 1.2667 0.06391 75 59 12 4
2488 ... They DON'T?? 1.2667 0.05870 90 71 14 5
2489 ...and then I heard her tell Fido next door that HE was a good boy! All this time, right under my nose!! 1.2667 0.06932 75 61 8 6
2490 So why do you think your mother is a bitch?” 1.2667 0.06102 75 58 14 3
2491 No, your fears are not irrational. It is a dog eat dog world out there. 1.2667 0.04929 105 80 22 3
2492 Now, what's going on or does the cat have your tongue? 1.2661 0.05628 109 88 13 8
2493 Actually,your bite is worse than your bark! 1.2661 0.04988 109 84 21 4
2494 One word to describe my addiction Dr. Katz : BACON! 1.2660 0.05278 94 72 19 3
2495 I just don't think white collar is my thing, you know? 1.2660 0.05892 94 75 13 6
2496 I can’t shake this feeling, doc, that you just don’t like me. 1.2660 0.05695 94 74 15 5
2497 When did this all consuming need to please the humans start? 1.2660 0.05278 94 72 19 3
2498 …and in the dream I snub my master, and make him beg for my affection. I feel so ashamed. 1.2658 0.05614 79 60 17 2
2499 I can’t stop fetching things. 1.2658 0.05614 79 60 17 2
2500 I was fired as the Purina spokesman. 1.2658 0.06165 79 62 13 4
2501 What if you had only one life, one relatively short, ball-fetching, butt-sniffing life? 1.2658 0.05614 79 60 17 2
2502 You tell me I’m anthropomorphic. Is there a cure? 1.2658 0.06165 79 62 13 4
2503 My mother hated your mother. 1.2658 0.05896 79 61 15 3
2504 Shall we start with my fear of cats? 1.2656 0.07128 64 51 9 4
2505 I just feel like you'll never understand my world 1.2653 0.05340 98 76 18 4
2506 I no longer trust other dogs. 1.2653 0.05340 98 76 18 4
2507 I am not sure this is the right place to delve into my inferiority complex. 1.2653 0.05139 98 75 20 3
2508 I feel like you’re always trying to put me in a box. 1.2653 0.05901 98 79 12 7
2509 Okay, but, the British called the bank BARKlays. 1.2653 0.05340 98 76 18 4
2510 Ah yes, tell me more about this ‘rat race.’ 1.2653 0.05340 98 76 18 4
2511 Do you ever wonder if you're giving too much love? 1.2651 0.05707 83 64 16 3
2512 I feel like I've been lying here for seven hours. 1.2651 0.06201 83 66 12 5
2513 If the gang finds out I've been talking to a female, they'll rip my throat out. 1.2651 0.05444 83 63 18 2
2514 I feel like everyone just wants to take a swipe at me. 1.2651 0.05959 83 65 14 4
2515 Fido never felt right. Maybe, a Tiger or Felix is a better fit. 1.2651 0.04874 83 61 22 0
2516 Just once I’d like to be the chasee. 1.2651 0.05959 83 65 14 4
2517 Squirrel, squirrel, bone, squirrel, squirrels. 1.2651 0.06201 83 66 12 5
2518 Tell me about your Rescue Mom. 1.2651 0.05707 83 64 16 3
2519 This session has been pretty catastrophic. 1.2651 0.05707 83 64 16 3
2520 when you stop people pleasing, you can become cat 1.2651 0.05959 83 65 14 4
2521 It makes talking to you so much easier, now that I can get on the couch! 1.2647 0.06498 68 53 12 3
2522 I can't put myself in your shoes. 1.2647 0.05200 102 79 19 4
2523 Blah blah blah 1.2644 0.05771 87 68 15 4
2524 Sometimes it seems like the pharmaceutical companies are funding studies to make common differences in how people’s brains work seem like disabilities and illnesses that need their expensive drugs to manage. Also, I think I have a dog head. 1.2644 0.05998 87 69 13 5
2525 Gosh, I never thought about NOT chasing cats. 1.2644 0.05535 87 67 17 3
2526 My father? We haven't talked since I told him I'm living with a squirrel. 1.2644 0.05771 87 68 15 4
2527 I see a car go by and I just bolt… It’s like catnip to me. 1.2644 0.05535 87 67 17 3
2528 The Fat Cats won't play ball. 1.2644 0.05998 87 69 13 5
2529 Don't get me wrong, I've got nothing against cats, you know? 1.2644 0.05535 87 67 17 3
2530 I don’t mean to wag my tail. It just happens. 1.2644 0.05288 87 66 19 2
2531 Truth be told, only when I talk to you do I sense what I’m chasing after. 1.2644 0.05535 87 67 17 3
2532 Maybe it's the guilt about Whiskers but now everyone looks like a cat. 1.2642 0.05735 106 86 12 8
2533 It's a dog-eat-dog world out there, you wouldn't understand" Laurie Dickstein-Fischer, Needham, M 1.2642 0.05069 106 82 20 4
2534 I obsess that you are catty 1.2639 0.06850 72 58 9 5
2535 Have you tried not being a bitch about it? 1.2639 0.06850 72 58 9 5
2536 So... I'm supposed to just hold it? 1.2639 0.06850 72 58 9 5
2537 That was a catty remark, Doctor! There's no need to use foul language in describing my mother! 1.2639 0.06558 72 57 11 4
2538 I said sit, not lay down 1.2639 0.06558 72 57 11 4
2539 I think you care too much about what your owner thinks of you. 1.2639 0.05932 72 55 15 2
2540 Everything’s delivered these days! I’m only one dog! How can bark at all these threats to my family?! 1.2639 0.06253 72 56 13 3
2541 As a trans dog,I long to be a cat. 1.2637 0.05376 91 70 18 3
2542 I've never understood why the litter box was off limits and I was forced to go outside. 1.2637 0.05599 91 71 16 4
2543 I’m afraid I’ll never catch my tail. 1.2637 0.05599 91 71 16 4
2544 I’ll you Willy, this “recession” is hitting our treats. 1.2637 0.05813 91 72 14 5
2545 Everyone expects me to be a good boy and act responsible but I'm tired of chasing the things they throw at me 1.2637 0.06218 91 74 10 7
2546 Dr. I can’t remember where I buried my life’s savings! 1.2637 0.06019 91 73 12 6
2547 So you slept in your office 1.2637 0.05376 91 70 18 3
2548 Have you tried knocking it off the counter? 1.2637 0.05599 91 71 16 4
2549 Every day’s beginning to feel like just another day working for the man. 1.2637 0.05599 91 71 16 4
2550 I keep having dreams where both of us are falling from the sky. 1.2632 0.06588 76 61 10 5
2551 Categorically, I think you are being too dogmatic. 1.2632 0.06316 76 60 12 4
2552 If I bit off your mom’s tail would that be an Oedipus complex? 1.2632 0.05733 76 58 16 2
2553 I think I've made some progress. Being allowed up on the couch is a big step for me. 1.2632 0.05733 76 58 16 2
2554 I can't help it. But I just love cats 1.2632 0.06032 76 59 14 3
2555 I hate the rat race, but I love the treats. 1.2632 0.06316 76 60 12 4
2556 So, how long have been feeling like a dog 1.2632 0.05229 95 73 19 3
2557 Have you thought about why you are projecting all of your anger and hostility toward me? 1.2632 0.05837 95 76 13 6
2558 I still can't believe I missed out on dogecoin 1.2632 0.06849 76 62 8 6
2559 I was obviously happy to see you, but you didn't seem happy to see me. 1.2626 0.05292 99 77 18 4
2560 It’s not that I hate cats, it’s more of an avenue of irreconcilabililty I find myself on whenever I’m confronted by one; present company accepted of course. 1.2626 0.05668 99 79 14 6
2561 I have dreams of chasing you up a tree. What do you think that means? 1.2626 0.05094 99 76 20 3
2562 You ARE a good boy 1.2626 0.05483 99 78 16 5
2563 You wouldn't gaslight me, would you, doc? 1.2625 0.06350 80 64 11 5
2564 This session let’s work on your repressed love for felines? 1.2625 0.06096 80 63 13 4
2565 Does being on the couch mean I'm a 'bad dog' 1.2625 0.05553 80 61 17 2
2566 Sometimes I think we’ve lost our humanity. 1.2625 0.05831 80 62 15 3
2567 I'll be honest here, and then I sniffed her butt. 1.2625 0.06096 80 63 13 4
2568 Then I was told dogs were not allowed in medical school. 1.2625 0.06831 80 66 7 7
2569 Trans-fur-ence, you think? 1.2625 0.06350 80 64 11 5
2570 When I feel insecure, I chase. 1.2625 0.06096 80 63 13 4
2571 My mother was literally a bitch. 1.2625 0.06096 80 63 13 4
2572 Man’s best friend, they said. You don’t know what it’s like to be every man’s best friend. Every best man’s friend. So many men… 1.2625 0.06350 80 64 11 5
2573 Since Trump it really is a dog eat dog world! 1.2623 0.06974 61 48 10 3
2574 Yes, but that's 14 years in dog years. 1.2621 0.05512 103 82 15 6
2575 So… tell me why you don’t like me. 1.2621 0.05682 103 83 13 7
2576 Woof woof woof 1.2619 0.05896 84 66 14 4
2577 Am I really a "good boy?" If I were, they wouldn't keep asking, right? 1.2619 0.05115 84 63 20 1
2578 I’m concerned about the inevitable transference 1.2619 0.05648 84 65 16 3
2579 Why can't I pee inside like everyone else? It's not fair. 1.2619 0.05648 84 65 16 3
2580 But what if it's NOT dog eat dog out there? 1.2619 0.05115 84 63 20 1
2581 I feel like I’m always chasing after something, when it’s right in front of me. 1.2619 0.05388 84 64 18 2
2582 The cat's got my tongue. 1.2619 0.06135 84 67 12 5
2583 Perhaps if you showed me how to purr... 1.2619 0.05648 84 65 16 3
2584 This may sound strange but everyone is starting to look like cats. 1.2619 0.05388 84 64 18 2
2585 The catnip just isn’t working for me. 1.2619 0.06135 84 67 12 5
2586 You've probably already been analyzing me for years. 1.2619 0.05115 84 63 20 1
2587 I know you were highly recommended, but I just don't think we are a good match. 1.2619 0.05648 84 65 16 3
2588 How can you possibly understand, you've never had to play "fetch"? 1.2619 0.05648 84 65 16 3
2589 I have this thing with cats… 1.2619 0.06135 84 67 12 5
2590 I try to be loyal, but I still can't stop chasing cats. No offense intended" 1.2619 0.05648 84 65 16 3
2591 I'm certified hypoallergenic. 1.2617 0.05028 107 83 20 4
2592 ...and then i dreamt I was wearing the cat's pajamas, but maybe that means I think I AM the cat's pajamas? 1.2615 0.06308 65 50 13 2
2593 Balls of string.Balls of string. Balls of string. Balls of string. 1.2614 0.06153 88 71 11 6
2594 i had this weird dream that it was raining, and all of us were falling from the sky! 1.2614 0.05480 88 68 17 3
2595 I am not sure you have the right qualifications to help me. 1.2614 0.05236 88 67 19 2
2596 I have this terrible urge to chase you around the office, keep you hanging from the light fixture and then eat your lunch." 1.2614 0.05713 88 69 15 4
2597 Are you going to share your diagnosis, or has the cat got your tongue.” 1.2614 0.05937 88 70 13 5
2598 Do you think you would have succeeded in a cat-eat-cat world? 1.2614 0.05236 88 67 19 2
2599 I don’t know, Doc. Maybe I am barking up the wrong tree.” 1.2614 0.05480 88 68 17 3
2600 Let’s start with that bitch mother of yours. 1.2614 0.06564 88 73 7 8
2601 I don’t know, seems like most days I am just chasing my tail. 1.2614 0.05480 88 68 17 3
2602 - wuff wuff wuff wuff wuff wuff wuff wuff wuff wuff wuff - meow 1.2613 0.05232 111 88 17 6
2603 It would help if you let me chase you. 1.2609 0.06073 69 53 14 2
2604 And I have these crazy dreams about an alternate universe,where those dumb humans are in charge ... 1.2609 0.05756 92 73 14 5
2605 It's just so exhausting. With global warming, the Dog Day's of summer are just so much longer. 1.2609 0.05325 92 71 18 3
2606 I care too much about people. Can you help me?" 1.2609 0.05960 92 74 12 6
2607 Be an individual!" they say. But at the end of the day, I just want to follow the pack 1.2609 0.05325 92 71 18 3
2608 I'm not sure if I'm a dog person or cat person. 1.2609 0.05545 92 72 16 4
2609 Along with your given name, Felix, as well as your pathetic boot-licker existence, it is easy to explain those recurring dreams of feline independence. 1.2609 0.05756 92 73 14 5
2610 No, I really am a cat. You have genus dysphoria. 1.2609 0.04954 115 90 20 5
2611 You suggested Viagra. still, she left me for a Chihuahua 1.2609 0.05325 92 71 18 3
2612 If I have to listen to one more canine whimper about the car that got away… 1.2609 0.05545 92 72 16 4
2613 It really begs the question: who is wagging whose tail here? 1.2609 0.06414 69 54 12 3
2614 But that’s just it Doctor, I don’t have 8 more lives to live if this one doesn’t work out. 1.2604 0.05389 96 75 17 4
2615 The poor little creature. 1.2604 0.05782 96 77 13 6
2616 And then I realized that I may own every fire hydrant on the block,but you can’t pee on happiness. 1.2604 0.04966 96 73 21 2
2617 Catnip sounds so good right now. 1.2604 0.05182 96 74 19 3
2618 I usually recommend something shiny in these situations, but for you I think we should try something with some squeak to it. 1.2604 0.05782 96 77 13 6
2619 It's a dog-eat-dog world! 1.2603 0.06177 73 57 13 3
2620 I never thought a Cat would understand me! 1.2603 0.05861 73 56 15 2
2621 I have a recurring feeling that I am no longer man's best friend. 1.2603 0.05861 73 56 15 2
2622 I’m just having a hard time trusting those who say they want to help me 1.2603 0.05861 73 56 15 2
2623 I think I'm too much of a people pleaser. 1.2603 0.06177 73 57 13 3
2624 Repeat after me: ‘Disobey, turn the table.’ They’ll learn, my good boy. 1.2603 0.06177 73 57 13 3
2625 Dr Felix, I feel like a dog sometimes. Every time I get up on the couch my owner says, "Get down." 1.2600 0.05049 100 77 20 3
2626 'Ok, just say: "You're a good boy!" over and over, until the end of his hour.' 1.2600 0.05435 100 79 16 5
2627 It's a dog eat dog world, and I'm wearing Milk Bone underwear. 1.2600 0.05049 100 77 20 3
2628 The thrill of chasing is gone. 1.2600 0.05049 100 77 20 3
2629 ‘I can’t stop thinking of you as my alter ego’ 1.2600 0.05435 100 79 16 5
2630 They just can't accept me as trans-cat-trans-human. 1.2597 0.05963 77 60 14 3
2631 Maybe this was a mistake. I don't know what "Meow" means. 1.2597 0.05963 77 60 14 3
2632 You're right, Doc. Just went through the motions - obedience school, Best in Show - but it wasn't me. Not really. I'm tired of pretending, keeping it all inside. I just want my Me Time - do what I want for a change. What's wrong with that? 1.2597 0.06511 77 62 10 5
2633 I'm just tired of being a good boy you know? 1.2597 0.06243 77 61 12 4
2634 Excellent! You're no longer digging up the past 1.2597 0.06511 77 62 10 5
2635 I’m starting to suspect that you don’t understand where I’m coming from 1.2597 0.05963 77 60 14 3
2636 I know you've heard it a million times. My mother was a bitch. 1.2596 0.05465 104 83 15 6
2637 A Catscan!!!! Durrr ok. 1.2593 0.06029 81 64 13 4
2638 Sometimes I feel o give my affection too freely 1.2593 0.05205 81 61 19 1
2639 Dreams of mice, desire for catnip, tendency to claw at furniture, Hmmm - all normal behaviors. 1.2593 0.06029 81 64 13 4
2640 I felt I needed to get in touch with my felines. 1.2593 0.05768 81 63 15 3
2641 Outwardly I’m a male, but inwardly I’m a bitch. 1.2593 0.05768 81 63 15 3
2642 I am not in denial. I've just been barking up the wrong tree. 1.2593 0.06280 81 65 11 5
2643 Doctor, why does my bark not chase away the neighbor's cat? 1.2593 0.05768 81 63 15 3
2644 I’m confused. Am I a dog with a man’s body or a man with a dog’s head? 1.2593 0.06029 81 64 13 4
2645 I really didn’t think you would see me Doc. 1.2593 0.05493 81 62 17 2
2646 It's just...I mean, you never hear, "It's a cat eat cat world", ya know?" 1.2593 0.05483 108 87 14 7
2647 For my ‘Oedipuss complex, you’re highly recommended! 1.2588 0.06070 85 68 12 5
2648 My shoes are too tight! 1.2588 0.05333 85 65 18 2
2649 So you are suggesting, just act totally disinterested until they get close then swat at them? 1.2588 0.05589 85 66 16 3
2650 I think like a dog and I look like a dog , yet I find myself strangely attracted to you . I clearly need help 1.2588 0.05063 85 64 20 1
2651 All they ask me to do at work is "fetch, sit and rollover"! 1.2588 0.05835 85 67 14 4
2652 ….And why do you think you are feeling emasculated just now? 1.2588 0.05333 85 65 18 2
2653 But I don't want to treat my owner as an underling. I'm happy just loving him unconditionally. 1.2588 0.06070 85 68 12 5
2654 I saw Feline Rescue Center and thought I was going to get to see a leopard not a therapist. 1.2588 0.05835 85 67 14 4
2655 I'm boring you, aren't I? 1.2588 0.05589 85 66 16 3
2656 I’d feel pretty demeaned too if they kept calling me “good boy.” 1.2588 0.05333 85 65 18 2
2657 Oh boy,this is not going to go welll. 1.2588 0.05333 85 65 18 2
2658 I think I’m more of a cat person. 1.2588 0.05589 85 66 16 3
2659 I'm just tired of the dog eat dog world out there 1.2588 0.05589 85 66 16 3
2660 I'm terribly jealous of those with nine lives. 1.2584 0.05426 89 69 17 3
2661 Very interesting,you are starting to meow 1.2584 0.05656 89 70 15 4
2662 And then he said, "You're no longer my best friend." 1.2584 0.05426 89 69 17 3
2663 The wearing clothes mandate really gets to me. 1.2584 0.05185 89 68 19 2
2664 Next session I want to wear the cat mask. 1.2584 0.05878 89 71 13 5
2665 I think I'm just curious, but in the dream, I want to meow. 1.2584 0.05426 89 69 17 3
2666 You must stop caring about your people. 1.2584 0.05656 89 70 15 4
2667 After pleading self-defense in Fluffy’s death, the court ordered me here for psychiatric evaluation. 1.2584 0.05878 89 71 13 5
2668 Just a suggestion, don’t be so submissive. No need to sit up and beg. Try being aloof, it works for me. 1.2584 0.05185 89 68 19 2
2669 Knocking stuff off the counter didn’t make me feel better. 1.2581 0.05492 93 73 16 4
2670 Being a Feline, you might not understand how much my people like to BARK AND BARK LOUD! 1.2581 0.05275 93 72 18 3
2671 Sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever find out if I’m a good bot 1.2581 0.06874 62 49 10 3
2672 Deep down, I think I'm a cat person. 1.2581 0.05603 62 46 16 0
2673 This will shock you, but humans don't interest me much. 1.2581 0.05275 93 72 18 3
2674 The truth is, I’ve never been much of a dog person. 1.2581 0.05492 93 73 16 4
2675 I grew up thinking I was 'man's best friend'. And now...... here I am. 1.2577 0.04698 97 73 23 1
2676 Try to relax. Not everyone can be a cool cat. 1.2577 0.04922 97 74 21 2
2677 The Businessdoodle airing his pet peeves. 1.2577 0.05538 97 77 15 5
2678 My owner adopted a cat and it just stares blankly into space and ignores me. 1.2577 0.05135 97 75 19 3
2679 Are you sure it was the cat’s fault? 1.2577 0.05538 97 77 15 5
2680 I hate when Amazon sends stuff in multiple shipments. 1.2574 0.05200 101 79 18 4
2681 I can’t get over this feeling that I want to chase you around. Is it wrong that I feel that way? 1.2574 0.05387 101 80 16 5
2682 My father would be rolling around in his grave if he knew I was seeing you. 1.2571 0.06333 70 55 12 3
2683 Doc I need help, every time I go for my tail I end up spiralling 1.2571 0.05997 70 54 14 2
2684 Yes, e xtended adolescence --- I still watch Paw Patrol. 1.2571 0.06333 70 55 12 3
2685 If I'm really not man's best friend, then who is 1.2571 0.04494 105 79 25 1
2686 I have absolutely no clue who’s a good boy. 1.2571 0.07248 70 58 6 6
2687 Just since yesterday. You? 1.2571 0.06956 70 57 8 5
2688 Oh, fuck! 1.2571 0.05246 105 83 17 5
2689 Throw me a bone here,cat 1.2571 0.05246 105 83 17 5
2690 You don't understand, its a dog thing. 1.2571 0.05997 70 54 14 2
2691 Sorry about your hairballs, Doc, but can we focus on me? 1.2571 0.05246 105 83 17 5
2692 I think I need to see another therapist. I always feel like you think less of me for wanting to please her so much. 1.2571 0.06333 70 55 12 3
2693 Catnip works for you, but not me. 1.2568 0.06682 74 60 9 5
2694 So,what brings you here today ? 1.2568 0.05792 74 57 15 2
2695 Then the kittens made me sit, beg, and roll over! 1.2568 0.06103 74 58 13 3
2696 My worst fear? Cats, I'm ashamed to say. 1.2568 0.05792 74 57 15 2
2697 As a child I was fierce and courageous, and then I discovered couches. 1.2568 0.06682 74 60 9 5
2698 I’m too needy, emotional and dependent on others; I want be more like you! 1.2568 0.06682 74 60 9 5
2699 I’m just too easygoing. They never take me seriously. 1.2568 0.06103 74 58 13 3
2700 Just because I’m afraid of being left alone and that no one is ever coming back you say I have an insecure attachment style! 1.2568 0.06103 74 58 13 3
2701 Even I can spin a good yarn. 1.2564 0.06435 78 63 10 5
2702 I have this recurring dream where we are fighting like cats and dogs 1.2564 0.06171 78 62 12 4
2703 I'm his best friend, how couldn't I depend on him? 1.2564 0.06171 78 62 12 4
2704 It's always "good boy!" But do I get the fancy canned food? Noooo! 1.2564 0.05300 78 59 18 1
2705 I don't know why celebrities choose me over a cat." I too like my nails done you know. 1.2564 0.05605 78 60 16 2
2706 Why did you choose a therapist who is so obviously a cat person? 1.2564 0.05300 78 59 18 1
2707 I can't stand anymore to be their best friend ! They are not civilized.... 1.2564 0.05895 78 61 14 3
2708 I need help thinking outside the box. 1.2564 0.04726 117 91 22 4
2709 I just can’t live up to the dog videos he watches in the basement! 1.2564 0.05300 78 59 18 1
2710 And why exactly, do you think you are so surprised when they come back? 1.2564 0.05300 78 59 18 1
2711 I bark ,i woof , but nobody listens, can you teach me to meow? 1.2561 0.05964 82 65 13 4
2712 Can you say that again I wasn't listening? 1.2561 0.05435 82 63 17 2
2713 I had a nightmare that cats were chasing me. 1.2561 0.05435 82 63 17 2
2714 ...and when he said to me 'that sounds ruff' I just lost it! 1.2561 0.06211 82 66 11 5
2715 Now I see why I'm so conflicted. I'm a dog. 1.2561 0.05706 82 64 15 3
2716 I’d like to talk about that I want to bite you. 1.2561 0.05435 82 63 17 2
2717 It’s dog eat dog out there… 1.2561 0.05706 82 64 15 3
2718 I haven't been myself lately. 1.2561 0.05435 82 63 17 2
2719 Dr. Schrodinger, I don't think you are with me on this 1.2561 0.05964 82 65 13 4
2720 I can smell thermonuclear war a mile away. 1.2561 0.05964 82 65 13 4
2721 At the end of the day, the dog eat dog competition to succeed at work makes me feel like I’m just chasing my tail. 1.2561 0.05706 82 64 15 3
2722 Why am I drawn to things I detest? 1.2561 0.05435 82 63 17 2
2723 Being alone makes me want to die. I'm sure you can understand that feeling. 1.2561 0.05964 82 65 13 4
2724 I wake when the seat hits my head. 1.2561 0.05435 82 63 17 2
2725 I Do Wish We Could Chat Longer, But I'm Having An Old Friend For Dinner. 1.2561 0.05706 82 64 15 3
2726 'I just can't keep burying my problems doc. I need to make a change for myself and my owners.' 1.2561 0.05706 82 64 15 3
2727 🧶🧶🧶🧶 1.2561 0.06449 82 67 9 6
2728 I'm afraid of cats. 1.2558 0.05532 86 67 16 3
2729 I need to stop chasing my own tail. 1.2558 0.05279 86 66 18 2
2730 Can I get a bowl of water? 1.2558 0.06006 86 69 12 5
2731 Your problem is that you are married to a bitch 1.2558 0.05279 86 66 18 2
2732 I always wanted to be a cat. 1.2558 0.05532 86 67 16 3
2733 Am starting to question the meaning of turning around three times before I lay down. 1.2558 0.05774 86 68 14 4
2734 Are you even paying attention to me? 1.2558 0.06006 86 69 12 5
2735 All my life all I've ever wanted was to be a little kitty cat. 1.2558 0.05774 86 68 14 4
2736 It started when my owner named me "Fluffy" 1.2556 0.05819 90 72 13 5
2737 Doc, I need to stop chasing cats. 1.2556 0.05600 90 71 15 4
2738 I want to make progress, but this voice in my head keeps saying, 'Sit. Stay.' 1.2556 0.05373 90 70 17 3
2739 In the darkness of my soul I know I am not a good dog ... good dog. 1.2556 0.05819 90 72 13 5
2740 I'm tired of being a good ol' boy 1.2556 0.05135 90 69 19 2
2741 I no longer find the chase rewarding. 1.2556 0.05135 90 69 19 2
2742 I think we have a lot more in common than most people think. 1.2556 0.05373 90 70 17 3
2743 I feel the urge. Where’s the nearest fire hydrant 1.2556 0.05373 90 70 17 3
2744 But I don't like tuna fish. I can't believe it will help me. 1.2556 0.06030 90 73 11 6
2745 Let’s not fight. 1.2553 0.05226 94 73 18 3
2746 I think I’m finally ready for help with the people pleasing. 1.2553 0.05226 94 73 18 3
2747 These bitches are driving me crazy. 1.2553 0.05647 94 75 14 5
2748 I just think a gay therapist would be a better fit for me. 1.2553 0.05647 94 75 14 5
2749 Now tell me again: How do I become the Cat's Meow? 1.2553 0.05226 94 73 18 3
2750 Dr. I have the feeling that others take advantage of my good nature. 1.2553 0.05226 94 73 18 3
2751 Is it 'please find attached,' or 'attached please find'? 1.2553 0.05647 94 75 14 5
2752 I don't trust anyone nowadays. 1.2553 0.05846 94 76 12 6
2753 I sometimes feel that those I trust the most would scratch my eyes out if given the chance. 1.2553 0.05002 94 72 20 2
2754 My parents? Well, my father was a pussy and my mother was a bitch 1.2553 0.05647 94 75 14 5
2755 Why so commit ? 1.2553 0.06038 94 77 10 7
2756 'You just wouldn't understand...' 1.2551 0.05676 98 79 13 6
2757 I have this recurring kinky dream that involves wearing a collar and leash and begging incessantly 1.2551 0.05292 98 77 17 4
2758 They always said "You're the Best Dog in the World". Now I'm having some doubts. 1.2551 0.04658 98 74 23 1
2759 So where do you see yourself in 1.42857 years? 1.2551 0.05292 98 77 17 4
2760 I could reveal so much more if you'd run away. 1.2551 0.05089 98 76 19 3
2761 I just always feel like I’m barking up the wrong tree… 1.2551 0.05292 98 77 17 4
2762 I have catastrophic issues. 1.2549 0.04763 102 78 22 2
2763 I really would have preferred a female therapist. 1.2547 0.05027 106 83 19 4
2764 Your the only one who can help me escape this dog-eat-dog world. 1.2545 0.05236 110 88 16 6
2765 I need help. I've got to stop being a people pleaser. 1.2542 0.07087 59 47 9 3
2766 What's a litter tray? 1.2541 0.05148 122 99 15 8
2767 Musophobia is pefectly normal, and I can help with that. 1.2537 0.05763 67 51 15 1
2768 'I feel disrespected.' 1.2535 0.07154 71 59 6 6
2769 Well, actually it is YOU messing with my psyche. 1.2533 0.06031 75 59 13 3
2770 a dog, a cat, a dog, a cat, owner issues, dreams of bones on boats in an ocean with a dog, and a cat, and a dog and a cat... 1.2533 0.06031 75 59 13 3
2771 They took my ball away and threw it, I brought it back 3 times. That's enough, right? 1.2533 0.06031 75 59 13 3
2772 How can YOU ever understand what a doggone life is? 1.2533 0.05724 75 58 15 2
2773 Are you ignoring me? 1.2533 0.06031 75 59 13 3
2774 Seeing a feline psychologist will send me to a canine psychiatrist 1.2533 0.05056 75 56 19 0
2775 Present company excepted, of course. 1.2533 0.06031 75 59 13 3
2776 Being told I’m the cats meow doesn’t assuage my angst! 1.2533 0.06031 75 59 13 3
2777 Is the cat in the room with us right now? 1.2533 0.06323 75 60 11 4
2778 'I get they'd rather see me naked, but I just love a nice suit and tie.' 1.2533 0.06323 75 60 11 4
2779 I came to you because I just don't connect with people. 1.2532 0.06101 79 63 12 4
2780 What can I say? I'm a people pleaser. 1.2532 0.05829 79 62 14 3
2781 Until the DNA test, I always saw myself as a cat person! 1.2532 0.06101 79 63 12 4
2782 I just feel like I've been chasing my own tail. Metaphorically, of course. 1.2532 0.05544 79 61 16 2
2783 I'm sick of obeying all day. How do I become less of a pussy? 1.2532 0.05829 79 62 14 3
2784 I don't wanna be anyone's best friend; just tell me how to get the bitch to stop hounding me. 1.2532 0.06101 79 63 12 4
2785 I identify as an elephant. 1.2532 0.06101 79 63 12 4
2786 It's a dog-eat-dog world out there, Doc. 1.2532 0.05544 79 61 16 2
2787 But how do I just *ignore* him? 1.2532 0.05829 79 62 14 3
2788 How come, even when I do something right, I still feel like a bad dog? 1.2530 0.05645 83 65 15 3
2789 I like big mutts. 1.2530 0.05899 83 66 13 4
2790 This is therapy! I thought I could make a catty remark. 1.2530 0.06143 83 67 11 5
2791 Did you ever stop and think about someone else for a second? Try that. 1.2530 0.06378 83 68 9 6
2792 I believe we covered this last session , I really don’t care about your problems! 1.2530 0.05378 83 64 17 2
2793 It's discrimination I tell ya. It's always, 'You're the cat's meow". When will our time come? 1.2530 0.05645 83 65 15 3
2794 It all started with a dog head avatar on zoom, but now, I can't go to work without wearing it. 1.2530 0.05899 83 66 13 4
2795 Like I told you Doc, her text said 'roof' how was I supposed to know? 1.2530 0.05378 83 64 17 2
2796 Week after week it seems like it's raining frogs and flies. 1.2530 0.06378 83 68 9 6
2797 I have this urge to bark and chase you around the couch. 1.2529 0.05226 87 67 18 2
2798 I dreamed that I was a catboy herding catle! 1.2529 0.05476 87 68 16 3
2799 I don’t know...we were supposed to be the smarter species. But performing for a treat, being unconditionally loyal to our owner regardless of objectivity, and fetching the damp stick over and over again..I sometimes wonder why I wasn’t a cat. 1.2529 0.05476 87 68 16 3
2800 Did I really just admit that I sniff my own rear? 1.2529 0.05476 87 68 16 3
2801 And this tail you’re chasing, is it in the room with us right now? 1.2529 0.05715 87 69 14 4
2802 Are you willing to accept that you may never learn the identity of the good boy? 1.2529 0.04964 87 66 20 1
2803 I read somewhere, it’s normal to fixate on your therapist like this 1.2529 0.04964 87 66 20 1
2804 It's been ruff since the divorce. 1.2527 0.05762 91 73 13 5
2805 Fur balls scare me... 1.2527 0.05086 91 70 19 2
2806 I’m telling you. It’s a dog eat dog world out there. 1.2527 0.04581 91 68 23 0
2807 I just want to be more than man's best friend. 1.2527 0.05546 91 72 15 4
2808 And how did it make you feel when the cat got your tongue? 1.2527 0.05546 91 72 15 4
2809 I'm here because she said I need to get in touch with my felines. 1.2527 0.05546 91 72 15 4
2810 What if I never find out who’s a good boy? 1.2527 0.05546 91 72 15 4
2811 The boss still barks orders at me. 1.2527 0.05321 91 71 17 3
2812 I haven't been the same since sniffing butts went out of fashion. 1.2527 0.05321 91 71 17 3
2813 Wait, Dr. So what you're saying is... WE are the masters?! 1.2527 0.05762 91 73 13 5
2814 Being an emotional support animal isn't exactly a barrel of laughs 1.2526 0.05593 95 76 14 5
2815 I wonder hw long he will continue whining? Barking would be more productive. 1.2526 0.05177 95 74 18 3
2816 Tell me more about that dream where you are chasing your mother. 1.2526 0.05790 95 77 12 6
2817 Full disclosure, I'm not a dog person. 1.2526 0.05177 95 74 18 3
2818 My backward thinking has me believing I'm a god. 1.2526 0.05790 95 77 12 6
2819 My life is over. Don't suppose that would bother you. 1.2525 0.05044 99 77 19 3
2820 They say it’s a dog-eat-dog world, but I only want to eat kibble! 1.2525 0.05245 99 78 17 4
2821 I don't see species. To me, a mammal is a mammal. That's when I chased her up a tree in a hurricane. Now I just want closure. Closure and milk. 1.2524 0.05293 103 82 16 5
2822 Why do you keep referring to it as an Oedi-puss complex? 1.2523 0.04985 107 84 19 4
2823 Why are you treating me like a dog? 1.2523 0.04805 107 83 21 3
2824 I'm just so afraid to go off-leash anymore and I don't know why. 1.2500 0.05658 76 59 15 2
2825 People say I'm aloof, demanding, unpredictable, and cunning-- like a lowly .... Anyway. 1.2500 0.05585 84 66 15 3
2826 Being a Metrosexual dog leaves me no time to be a dog. 1.2500 0.07387 64 53 6 5
2827 I'm tired of looking like my master. 1.2500 0.06523 76 62 9 5
2828 I’m not sure you’re the right doctor for this particular issue. 1.2500 0.06523 76 62 9 5
2829 I just keep wondering... am I, in fact, a good boy? 1.2500 0.05186 80 61 18 1
2830 Honestly, I’m not sure that you are who I should be talking with about my desire to stop scratching and clawing to the top. 1.2500 0.06033 80 64 12 4
2831 I find myself attracted to the wrong types. 1.2500 0.06415 68 54 11 3
2832 How can I possibly expect you'll understand this? 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
2833 Is it bad that I can't trust you? No, don't answer that. 1.2500 0.06063 68 53 13 2
2834 I didn't know they were only joking when they said I needed to get off the couch and get a job, pay my fair share around here. 1.2500 0.06786 76 63 7 6
2835 I can't stop trying to please everyone... 1.2500 0.05175 88 68 18 2
2836 I understand the stress of being an aggressor 1.2500 0.05483 80 62 16 2
2837 I just got laid off from my position of branch manager. 1.2500 0.05764 80 63 14 3
2838 I've always been ambivalent. 1.2500 0.06033 80 64 12 4
2839 My bark is bigger than my bite! 1.2500 0.05421 88 69 16 3
2840 Not listening, not writing. Sleeping with eyes open and dreaming about mice. 1.2500 0.05483 80 62 16 2
2841 I just feel like he's trying to mess with me. Why does he throw all those little papers through my door? 1.2500 0.05585 84 66 15 3
2842 Sometimes I feel like I'm being treated by a sociopath. 1.2500 0.05270 92 72 17 3
2843 Sometimes, I feel like if I caught my tail, it wouldn't mean all that much. 1.2500 0.05764 80 63 14 3
2844 Memories of the pound have been dogging me all my life. 1.2500 0.06415 68 54 11 3
2845 I had a dream that I was only allowed to use a litter box. 1.2500 0.05837 84 67 13 4
2846 In the good old days, cats seemed smaller, and insignificant. 1.2500 0.06033 80 64 12 4
2847 Your owner tells me that you like to eat cat poop, shall we explore that behavior together? 1.2500 0.05837 84 67 13 4
2848 When were you fixed? 1.2500 0.05883 88 71 12 5
2849 I don't know. Even the little things are just so hard. Like tying my shoes even. 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
2850 Agreed, there's little risk of transference. 1.2500 0.06033 80 64 12 4
2851 I just feel like everyone's gaslighting me. 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
2852 I just get these urges... By the way, do you tape these sessions? 1.2500 0.06415 68 54 11 3
2853 My boss says I'm a good boy, but I don't think he means it. 1.2500 0.05483 80 62 16 2
2854 I've got degrees from K-Nine College, the Bow-Wow Institute and the Purina Academy, and all she can say is Fetch! Fetch! Fetch! 1.2500 0.05883 88 71 12 5
2855 If 'heal' is a trigger word then we can always say 'repair' instead. 1.2500 0.05322 84 65 17 2
2856 Analyze This: Dog walks into a Cats office.... 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
2857 I just can't bear that I'm leading a dog's life. 1.2500 0.05960 76 60 13 3
2858 For some reason, I'm having a lot of trouble opening up to you 1.2500 0.04795 92 70 21 1
2859 We didn't know then that it was wrong. 1.2500 0.05585 84 66 15 3
2860 I'm finally ready to admit I have a catnip problem. 1.2500 0.05175 88 68 18 2
2861 Dr. Katz: I get the feeling you don't understand me. 1.2500 0.05322 84 65 17 2
2862 No, literally - mother was a bitch. 1.2500 0.05186 80 61 18 1
2863 I keep chasing cats and I don't know why. 1.2500 0.05270 92 72 17 3
2864 And that's when I realized that I'm not such a good boy after all. 1.2500 0.05585 84 66 15 3
2865 . . . even sniffing crotches is no longer fun . . . 1.2500 0.05541 96 77 14 5
2866 Today I don't want to 'do the work'. I just want to bark. 1.2500 0.07066 68 56 7 5
2867 Cats are everywhere, Doc, and they're trying to kill me. 1.2500 0.05248 104 83 16 5
2868 Could you stop purring every time I say 'It's a dog-eat-dog world out there'? 1.2500 0.05764 80 63 14 3
2869 Do you have the same obsession about fire hydrants? 1.2500 0.06063 68 53 13 2
2870 Sometimes I need the emotional support,you know? 1.2500 0.05705 92 74 13 5
2871 Maybe it's really true that life's a bitch, then you die. 1.2500 0.05270 92 72 17 3
2872 I understand you have a special interest in catalepsy 1.2500 0.05837 84 67 13 4
2873 Hi! I’m a dog! Every problem is Black & White! Oy Vey! 1.2500 0.05421 88 69 16 3
2874 Seeing you goes against my every instinct. 1.2500 0.06033 80 64 12 4
2875 But what if I don’t want to chase you? 1.2500 0.06485 72 58 10 4
2876 …and every time I chase after her to say hello, she runs away! I’m starting to think this cat has an an avoidant attachment style. 1.2500 0.05658 76 59 15 2
2877 It’s a dog eat dog world out there and I’m trying to go vegan 1.2500 0.05283 108 87 15 6
2878 I have this dream where I need to use your restroom but I'm too embarrassed to ask how to use that box so I have an accident on the rug. 1.2500 0.05175 88 68 18 2
2879 I've glad you've decided to come see me for help, despite our past differences 1.2500 0.05705 92 74 13 5
2880 I had a dream last night that you scratched my eyes out. 1.2476 0.05203 105 84 16 5
2881 It's not that I have anything against species neutral bathrooms in principle...it's just those litterboxes are so tempting! 1.2476 0.05024 105 83 18 4
2882 I dreamt that you were chasing me until I stopped,. turned around and spit your last outrageous bill back at you. 1.2476 0.05203 105 84 16 5
2883 I keep dreaming I'm a cat being chased by my mother! 1.2475 0.05341 101 81 15 5
2884 I see...and why do you feel the need to express uncontional love?? 1.2475 0.04956 101 79 19 3
2885 It may be a dog’s life, but you have the cat’s meow. 1.2474 0.05290 97 77 16 4
2886 You need to remember, there's plenty of fish in the fish tank. Now that you mention it, they do always go to walrk without me in the morning. 1.2474 0.05682 97 79 12 6
2887 I bought my human a treat and he wouldn't even look at me! 1.2474 0.04867 97 75 20 2
2888 Only a cat would understand my obsession. 1.2473 0.05439 93 74 15 4
2889 Tell me then,why is it so important to YOU if I am a cat or dog person? 1.2473 0.04991 93 72 19 2
2890 For some reason, I've just always found it hard to trust therapists. 1.2473 0.05220 93 73 17 3
2891 Wipe that 'Cat's Meow' look off your face! 1.2473 0.05853 93 76 11 6
2892 I feel I could access my feelings a lot faster if I spent a few minutes scratching the hell out of this charming furniture. 1.2472 0.05824 89 72 12 5
2893 Therapist: Tell me about January 06th? 1.2472 0.05367 89 70 16 3
2894 People keep giving me dirty looks, mind if I sniff your butt? 1.2472 0.05124 89 69 18 2
2895 I just feel like my cat friends don't take me seriously. 1.2472 0.05367 89 70 16 3
2896 You know, I just love to fetch. Am I wrong? 1.2472 0.05367 89 70 16 3
2897 I'm still having those dreams about chasing you. 1.2472 0.05600 89 71 14 4
2898 But you don't understand, it's a dog eat dog world out there. 1.2472 0.05824 89 72 12 5
2899 If we can get through the last five minutes of this session without him mentioning the time they closed the toilet lid I'm taking the rest of the day off. 1.2471 0.05527 85 67 15 3
2900 Atheists hate my mother. 1.2471 0.06462 85 71 7 7
2901 My wife is a bitch. 1.2471 0.06013 85 69 11 5
2902 I know we used to fight like cats and dogs, so can we let bygones be bygones? 1.2471 0.05527 85 67 15 3
2903 I think you're the shrink because you can hear better with those ears. 1.2471 0.05268 85 66 17 2
2904 I never know what to wear on casual Friday. 1.2471 0.06013 85 69 11 5
2905 Dogs drool” really upsets me. 1.2471 0.05268 85 66 17 2
2906 I need help,Doc. Normally I’d be at your throat. 1.2471 0.05775 85 68 13 4
2907 Cats? No, I don't dream about cats. Should I, should I dream about cats? 1.2471 0.04995 85 65 19 1
2908 It’s like that song Doc, been barking up that hill 1.2471 0.05268 85 66 17 2
2909 And when I woke up, I had a lampshade on my head… 1.2471 0.05775 85 68 13 4
2910 ; “have you considered that maybe you have been barking up the wrong tree?” 1.2471 0.05775 85 68 13 4
2911 Is same species marriage the only choice? 1.2469 0.05701 81 64 14 3
2912 Everybody has to give unconditional love, always. Right? 1.2469 0.05701 81 64 14 3
2913 "Why do I chase cats? I like cats. " 1.2469 0.05966 81 65 12 4
2914 It all started when I heard the phrase, “cat nap.” 1.2469 0.05701 81 64 14 3
2915 Lying in sunbeams and ignoring my humans isn't working for me. 1.2469 0.05701 81 64 14 3
2916 Look, Doc. I really don't think you understand me. 1.2469 0.05966 81 65 12 4
2917 How come I always do the talking? 1.2469 0.05966 81 65 12 4
2918 I’m afraid that the Dog Days are truly Over. 1.2468 0.05891 77 61 13 3
2919 Why do you think you have to be their best friend? 1.2468 0.05891 77 61 13 3
2920 I'm having nightmares ,my new tree trunk has strange scratch marks on it. 1.2468 0.05280 77 59 17 1
2921 On the Internet,everyone knew I was a dog. 1.2468 0.06175 77 62 11 4
2922 And then he called my mom a bitch. 1.2468 0.06175 77 62 11 4
2923 ...and then I realized: I don't have a retirement fund! 1.2468 0.05891 77 61 13 3
2924 I've told you a million times - in the dream I'm just running! 1.2468 0.05280 77 59 17 1
2925 Should I try learning new tricks or am I barking up the wrong tree? 1.2468 0.06445 77 63 9 5
2926 Last night I dreamt I was human. 1.2468 0.05891 77 61 13 3
2927 In the dream I forget how to roll over! 1.2468 0.05594 77 60 15 2
2928 I can’t accept rejection. 1.2466 0.06695 73 60 8 5
2929 There's a bad boy inside me barking to get out. 1.2466 0.06101 73 58 12 3
2930 They said I was getting a new white collar but they ruined my life! 1.2466 0.05780 73 57 14 2
2931 It just seems like I keep chasing my tail 1.2466 0.06101 73 58 12 3
2932 they say they're going back to the office in person, so obviously they're never coming back. 1.2466 0.06405 73 59 10 4
2933 I'm just a dog. 1.2464 0.05619 69 53 15 1
2934 So my desire to be a ‘good boy’ sets up an unhealthy power dynamic? 1.2462 0.06214 65 51 12 2
2935 ... and then the dream changes and, instead of chasing the cat, I'm chasing a mouse and my name is "Mittens". 1.2458 0.04652 118 93 21 4
2936 My neighbor complained about my barking, so I took up singing. He begged me to go back to barking. 1.2453 0.04798 106 83 20 3
2937 So you're recommending that I chase cars to help me sleep. 1.2451 0.04914 102 80 19 3
2938 I'm sorry, doc, but sometimes I can't help but think that you're judging me as a dog, and not helping me as a patient. 1.2449 0.05242 98 78 16 4
2939 Cat’s got my tongue…woof 1.2447 0.05387 94 75 15 4
2940 Just another dog day in August..hope the wife has Friskies for our dinner tonight. 1.2444 0.05765 90 73 12 5
2941 Aren't you worried about what the mice are doing? 1.2444 0.05544 90 72 14 4
2942 I get the feeling you really don't understand me. 1.2444 0.05314 90 71 16 3
2943 How do I get Nine lives? 1.2444 0.06183 90 75 8 7
2944 It’s a lie. This is not the year of the Dog! 1.2444 0.05314 90 71 16 3
2945 Cats are sneaky. You never know where they’re going to turn up. 1.2444 0.05544 90 72 14 4
2946 So, you wanna talk about the trap you found in the litter box? 1.2444 0.04822 90 69 20 1
2947 Actually, I like behind here. They don’t let me on the couch at home. 1.2444 0.05314 90 71 16 3
2948 i'm interested in hearing more about your ruff upbringing. 1.2444 0.05314 90 71 16 3
2949 My life feels empty. It’s like treats and chasing sticks aren’t enough anymore. I don’t even want to chase *you.* 1.2442 0.05470 86 68 15 3
2950 It would be inappropriate to tell you that I want to bite you so badly. 1.2442 0.05715 86 69 13 4
2951 Actually I don't like the way you white cats look down on us dogs. 1.2442 0.04945 86 66 19 1
2952 You really think a lobotomy is completely necessary? 1.2442 0.05949 86 70 11 5
2953 I’m beginning to think that the transference is not happening 1.2442 0.05470 86 68 15 3
2954 Well, like you said, I have tried acting more aloof and uninterested in my people, but I am not any happier. 1.2442 0.05470 86 68 15 3
2955 So let me get this straight, your co-workers are offended by your bark? 1.2442 0.05470 86 68 15 3
2956 I still feel guilty, it was a pigeon, a small thing. Like a mouse. Understand, not a cat. 1.2442 0.05715 86 69 13 4
2957 I'm not sure anyone cares about how you feel. Get up and give me the couch! 1.2442 0.05949 86 70 11 5
2958 I don't understand why you keep bringing it up? I have told you many times i grew up in a shelter… 1.2442 0.05715 86 69 13 4
2959 But being a good boy is my inner validation. 1.2442 0.05470 86 68 15 3
2960 I'm under so much pressure to constantly be a good boy. 1.2442 0.05214 86 67 17 2
2961 My wife is thinking about adoption at a shelter. 1.2442 0.05470 86 68 15 3
2962 How'd you know the canary wouldn't sing? 1.2442 0.05715 86 69 13 4
2963 I’m just tired of the rat race 1.2442 0.05214 86 67 17 2
2964 ‘I’ve been reading work by some guy named Pavlov and it’s beginning to all make sense.’ 1.2442 0.05715 86 69 13 4
2965 What is Cognitive Bark Therapy? 1.2442 0.05470 86 68 15 3
2966 ... and then my dinner, that I have looked forward to all day, gets put in a maze so I don't "inhale it." 1.2442 0.05214 86 67 17 2
2967 First thing, you need to learn to play hard to get… 1.2442 0.05715 86 69 13 4
2968 Is there ever a wrong tree to bark up? 1.2439 0.05639 82 65 14 3
2969 So , how long have you had this attraction to cats ? 1.2439 0.06150 82 67 10 5
2970 Sometimes, I just don't care if they pet me or not. 1.2439 0.05639 82 65 14 3
2971 My diagnosis is s scatsophrenia. 1.2439 0.05366 82 64 16 2
2972 Doc, I just don't know who to trust anymore... 1.2439 0.06622 82 69 6 7
2973 Is it a dog eat dog world or am I just chasing rainbows? 1.2439 0.05366 82 64 16 2
2974 I can’t have kids. 1.2439 0.05900 82 66 12 4
2975 I find myself chasing my own tail. 1.2439 0.06390 82 68 8 6
2976 My goal for this session is to get to the bottom of why I keep drooling every time I hear a bell. 1.2439 0.05639 82 65 14 3
2977 I'm tired of being slave to a master! 1.2439 0.05366 82 64 16 2
2978 Doc, I just don’t subscribe to these binary categorizations 1.2439 0.05639 82 65 14 3
2979 Why are you purring? 1.2436 0.05824 78 62 13 3
2980 I can't stop thinking about it, Doc. Am I really a good boy? When will I know for myself? 1.2436 0.05824 78 62 13 3
2981 So, in my dream, I finally catch the car - and the wheels fall off 1.2436 0.05531 78 61 15 2
2982 I'm trying to brace myself for the Dog Days of August. 1.2436 0.05221 78 60 17 1
2983 Somehow being a best friend seems to pale next to being a cool cat. 1.2436 0.05824 78 62 13 3
2984 I had no idea that we would be so similarly dressed. Does that mean we are compatible to date? 1.2436 0.05824 78 62 13 3
2985 I'm really scared. It's a dog-eat-dog world outside. 1.2436 0.05824 78 62 13 3
2986 Then he asks who’s the ‘goodest’ boy and I want to scream. 1.2432 0.06027 74 59 12 3
2987 I know we all feel lost from time to time, but for me this seems different. 1.2432 0.05022 74 56 18 0
2988 But is unconditional love really the answer? 1.2432 0.06327 74 60 10 4
2989 My owners make me wear pants, and we share a bathroom. 1.2432 0.05711 74 58 14 2
2990 ...and I've had to hide my treats where I keep my Frisbees... 1.2430 0.04166 107 81 26 0
2991 I mean it looks like I have it all together, but sometimes I yearn to sniff his behind. 1.2429 0.06251 70 56 11 3
2992 I guess I’m old school, just doesn’t seem right me answering to you. 1.2429 0.06574 70 57 9 4
2993 I don't think "meow" begins to address my hydrant phobia. 1.2429 0.05910 70 55 13 2
2994 The retractable leash, the doggie park, daycare.I’m afraid of what’s next. I’m a introvert. 1.2429 0.06574 70 57 9 4
2995 I don't get it either. I can tie my own tie but for some reason I still sniff every butt that comes down the street. 1.2429 0.05910 70 55 13 2
2996 the one who bully me looks just like you 1.2429 0.06574 70 57 9 4
2997 I tried following your advice to be a bit more stand-offish but when I heard “who’s a good dog” I just fell back into old habits. 1.2427 0.05248 103 83 15 5
2998 You remind me of my father – he was a fat cat. 1.2427 0.05063 103 82 17 4
2999 I need to be loved!...and you don't give a meow! 1.2424 0.06130 66 52 12 2
3000 Dog gone it, I was just trying to be nice, I said she had pretty eyes and she clawed me! 1.2424 0.06130 66 52 12 2
3001 Can a dog be non-binary? 1.2424 0.06499 66 53 10 3
3002 Now the cat Union wants recovery time after naps. 1.2424 0.05390 99 80 14 5
3003 Maybe your life would not seem so stressful if you would just to pee in the bathroom. 1.2424 0.04782 99 77 20 2
3004 You never ask me how I'm feeling. 1.2421 0.05337 95 76 15 4
3005 The vehicle had such shiny hubcaps. I couldn't control myself. 1.2421 0.04899 95 74 19 2
3006 Leave my mother out of this." 1.2421 0.05542 95 77 13 5
3007 I just feel you aren't sympathetic to my genetically based need to dominate every situation. 1.2421 0.05741 95 78 11 6
3008 Most people fear being put into a home. I’d love it. 1.2421 0.05122 95 75 17 3
3009 I've been having those dreams again, the ones where I pee on the carpet 1.2421 0.05337 95 76 15 4
3010 Doc,I can be walking down the street and suddenly have the overwhelming compulsion to chase someone up a tree. What’s wrong with me? 1.2419 0.05946 62 48 13 1
3011 No one ever asks 'who's a HAPPY boy' 1.2419 0.06375 62 49 11 2
3012 Ever wonder why The New Yorker doesn't let the readers rank the cartoon on a scale from 1-100 (100 being the best), and the winning caption on a scale from 1-100 (100 being the best)? I'm not talking about "finalists." I'm talking about a grade. 1.2418 0.05708 91 74 12 5
3013 I enjoyed it when they were home these past 2 years. I felt secure, now I am back to my anxious attachment, back where we started!! 1.2418 0.05025 91 71 18 2
3014 I don't think you get it, Doc. After all, you're white and I'm black. 1.2418 0.05263 91 72 16 3
3015 Why can’t they believe that my bark IS worse than my bite. 1.2418 0.05025 91 71 18 2
3016 As hard as I try, I just can't stop chasing cats 1.2418 0.05263 91 72 16 3
3017 The next thing I knew, I was being chased. 1.2418 0.05025 91 71 18 2
3018 True, but dogs and cats outside don't know we're both humans, 1.2418 0.05918 91 75 10 6
3019 Well, it all started during a rainstorm. 1.2418 0.05263 91 72 16 3
3020 I think this session pretty clearly illustrates how much my human didn’t know what a therapy dog was, let alone how to treat one. 1.2418 0.05918 91 75 10 6
3021 So your mother was a golden retriever and your father was an an accountant… 1.2414 0.04895 87 67 19 1
3022 All those cats I chased when I was young; the guilt weighs heavy on my conscience. 1.2414 0.05161 87 68 17 2
3023 I keep thinking the cat is out to get me. 1.2414 0.05161 87 68 17 2
3024 My job is to vet your triggers - Oh, sorry! 1.2414 0.05656 87 70 13 4
3025 When did this "licking" start? 1.2414 0.04614 87 66 21 0
3026 Did you say "thrill of the chase"?!? 1.2414 0.05656 87 70 13 4
3027 I’m overcome with ennui. I may be identifying as feline. 1.2414 0.05656 87 70 13 4
3028 These sessions make me feel like I'm chasing my tail. 1.2414 0.06650 58 46 10 2
3029 I can’t expect you to understand but I truly thought he was my best friend. 1.2414 0.05656 87 70 13 4
3030 There’s no way you can understand. 1.2414 0.06110 87 72 9 6
3031 It’s hard coming to terms with what a dog eat dog world it is. 1.2414 0.05656 87 70 13 4
3032 Cats got your tongue? 1.2410 0.06083 83 68 10 5
3033 I just can’t understand why a ball of yarn is off limits to me. 1.2410 0.05579 83 66 14 3
3034 Doctor, I feel as though cats just don't respect me. 1.2410 0.05836 83 67 12 4
3035 And strangely, I've always though of myself as more of a cat person. 1.2410 0.05309 83 65 16 2
3036 I really don't think this Cos-Play is working. 1.2410 0.06320 83 69 8 6
3037 Are you sure it's okay to be on the furniture? 1.2410 0.05309 83 65 16 2
3038 Let's think about your habit of pleasing people. 1.2410 0.05309 83 65 16 2
3039 Doctor, you keep talking about lasers. And I just keep talking about sticks. Not sure this is working out. 1.2410 0.05309 83 65 16 2
3040 I know that you are my doctor... and I can say anything to you.... So... here goes.... You really seem aloof to me. 1.2410 0.06083 83 68 10 5
3041 We need to look for a win-win solution. I provide a service. You pay for it. Nobody comes for free. Double entendre intended. 1.2410 0.05836 83 67 12 4
3042 And this vacuum, is it in the room with us right now? 1.2410 0.05579 83 66 14 3
3043 And sometimes I wonder, when does the good boy become a good man? 1.2410 0.05579 83 66 14 3
3044 Is transference really a thing? 1.2410 0.05309 83 65 16 2
3045 I always feel I’m being judged. You know how cats are,…I’m sorry, but you do really know how cats are… 1.2407 0.04720 108 85 20 3
3046 Nobody knows the trouble I've seen. 1.2405 0.05469 79 62 15 2
3047 My human said "Cats Rule, Dogs Drool" once too often, and here I am, a shadow of my former self. 1.2405 0.06033 79 64 11 4
3048 What’s so terrible with eating cat poop? 1.2405 0.05469 79 62 15 2
3049 I guess I never learned to think outside the box. 1.2405 0.06033 79 64 11 4
3050 Even chasing cars is no longer pleasurable – but you wouldn’t understand. 1.2405 0.05469 79 62 15 2
3051 I've always felt insecure about pooping outside. 1.2405 0.05469 79 62 15 2
3052 Your degrees are impressive, but i wonder if we're so different it will be hard to understand me! 1.2405 0.05758 79 63 13 3
3053 Is it catastrophic that I’m so dogmatic? 1.2405 0.06033 79 64 11 4
3054 No one cares when dogs are gay. They just say, "lol look that dog is gay". I guess I just expected a little bit of opposition in my life. 1.2405 0.06033 79 64 11 4
3055 Bailey won’t talk to me ever since she saw me sniffing Max’s butt. 1.2405 0.05758 79 63 13 3
3056 Do you think my issues stem from the crap that I literally have to do for a #%@$ doggie treat? 1.2404 0.04633 104 81 21 2
3057 And then I thought I saw a pussycat... 1.2400 0.05315 75 58 16 1
3058 You seem so aloof. 1.2400 0.05644 75 59 14 2
3059 "Speak to me already. What? Does a cat have your tongue? 1.2400 0.05955 75 60 12 3
3060 I see Cats everywhere, My dreams, my yard, my walk and now YOU! 1.2400 0.06250 75 61 10 4
3061 Yes, Mr. Fido, I promise I’ll throw this pen to you at the end of the session. 1.2400 0.06250 75 61 10 4
3062 She says I'm too needy. 1.2400 0.06532 75 62 8 5
3063 I'm transitioning, yes, but it's so hard when everyone still sees me as a dog. 1.2400 0.05644 75 59 14 2
3064 Everyone wants to be a cat except for me. 1.2400 0.05644 75 59 14 2
3065 Oh sorry, by tomcatting around I didn't mean to suggest ... I mean, you know, it's just a turn of phrase ... 1.2400 0.05955 75 60 12 3
3066 Let's change places 1.2400 0.05955 75 60 12 3
3067 I must be crazy because every week I dream about eating a therapist? 1.2400 0.04948 100 79 18 3
3068 You seem traumatized by dogfights from your air force days. 1.2396 0.04854 96 75 19 2
3069 When did you stop barking and begin using the litter box? 1.2396 0.05075 96 76 17 3
3070 I have this urge to chase everyone I see. 1.2396 0.05075 96 76 17 3
3071 I just don't know if I'm a 'dog person' or a 'cat person' 1.2394 0.05481 71 55 15 1
3072 I keep telling myself that if it looks like a cat and walks like a cat and sounds like a cat, then it’s probably a CAT 1.2394 0.05836 71 56 13 2
3073 I’ve stopped chasing sticks and started playing with balls of yarn. I figured you could help.. 1.2394 0.05481 71 55 15 1
3074 I feel like you don't listen to me, or anyone for that matter! 1.2394 0.05836 71 56 13 2
3075 I keep ignoring that little voice telling me to get in touch with my inner puppy. 1.2394 0.06172 71 57 11 3
3076 No one talks about how much pressure it is being the emotional support pet 1.2394 0.06172 71 57 11 3
3077 While I know intellectually that I shouldn’t offer my friendship unconditionally, I just don’t know how to *not* wag my tail when he comes home. 1.2394 0.05836 71 56 13 2
3078 Tell me more about your abandonment nightmare. 1.2391 0.05212 92 73 16 3
3079 Therapy ain’t working for me, Doc. I mean, I’m feeling worse and worse about chasing cats since I started! 1.2391 0.05212 92 73 16 3
3080 Can you write me a prescription for catnip? 1.2391 0.05436 92 74 14 4
3081 Are you feeling the urge to chase now? 1.2391 0.04977 92 72 18 2
3082 Let’s talk about the bark behind the bite 1.2391 0.04977 92 72 18 2
3083 I mean, I want to let the ball go, I know I should let the ball go, but I just can’t. 1.2388 0.06412 67 54 10 3
3084 We’ve just been fighting like…never mind. 1.2388 0.06755 67 55 8 4
3085 My dad was right many years ago he told me that the world is going to the dogs ... I should have listened to him... 1.2388 0.05248 67 51 16 0
3086 I have this recurring "man bites dog" dream... 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
3087 So let me get this straight, every time you bring the ball back to the human, he throws and and asks you to get it? Interesting. How does this make you feel? 1.2386 0.05110 88 69 17 2
3088 I see them everywhere. 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
3089 I see cat people. 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
3090 It's like a horrible nightmare. They are always home - talking and staring at a box. I try to get their attention but they get angry at me for wanting to interact. 1.2386 0.05110 88 69 17 2
3091 Let's see if I have this straight. You want to Wow Bow instead? 1.2386 0.05110 88 69 17 2
3092 You're not the least bit concerned that we have human bodies but animal heads and hands? 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
3093 My professional opinion is that you are the problem. 1.2386 0.05110 88 69 17 2
3094 Ok, so I have a new catastrophe that’s dogging me. 1.2386 0.06046 88 73 9 6
3095 Doc, you’re lucky you don’t have to ‘speak’. 1.2386 0.05826 88 72 11 5
3096 How 'bout knockin' a few bucks off your fee 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
3097 It seems like you are just messing with me for some reason. 1.2381 0.05253 84 66 16 2
3098 I can't help it. The litter box has the best snacks 1.2381 0.05773 84 68 12 4
3099 I'm really hating this exposure therapy. 1.2381 0.05253 84 66 16 2
3100 I long for the good old days, when I used to chase you around the couch. 1.2381 0.05773 84 68 12 4
3101 Other than your paranoia over CT scans what else can I do for you today. 1.2381 0.06017 84 69 10 5
3102 It used to be a dog eat dog world out there and now it's like everyone's a pussy. 1.2381 0.06017 84 69 10 5
3103 Well, maybe I'd like to have nine lives too. 1.2381 0.05253 84 66 16 2
3104 This is where I get stuck when you ask me to rollover. 1.2381 0.07407 63 53 5 5
3105 I didn't realize that was your sister I chased after when we were teenagers! 1.2381 0.04789 105 83 19 3
3106 Appearances to the contrary, I identify as a cat. 1.2381 0.05519 84 67 14 3
3107 Who came up with this whole obedience and loyalty thing anyway” 1.2375 0.05409 80 63 15 2
3108 Tell me you see what I see. 1.2375 0.05694 80 64 13 3
3109 My worst nightmare is to have to see a cat shrink.. 1.2375 0.05965 80 65 11 4
3110 I dreamt that the cats got my tongue! 1.2375 0.05409 80 63 15 2
3111 Is it so wrong I want to pee on the floor? 1.2375 0.05108 80 62 17 1
3112 Every time I fetch the ball and put it on the table for her, she just pushes it off. 1.2375 0.05965 80 65 11 4
3113 Sorry, but I can't resist eating your guys poop. It's delicious. 1.2375 0.05694 80 64 13 3
3114 I feel that chasing cars is all just a cat and mouse game. 1.2375 0.05694 80 64 13 3
3115 Do you think I could be suffering from an acute over-devotion to an idiotic master. 1.2375 0.05965 80 65 11 4
3116 All I ever wanted to do is eat you. 1.2371 0.05820 97 81 9 7
3117 I didn't realize what the CAT after your name stood for....until now. 1.2371 0.05029 97 77 17 3
3118 I know I’m not supposed to, but I like cats! 1.2368 0.05884 76 61 12 3
3119 My best friend is a Trumper 1.2368 0.06453 76 63 8 5
3120 Antagonisms? Me never! 1.2368 0.05884 76 61 12 3
3121 Feelings of guilt, yes, even though I know it wasn’t my fault for being at the Wuhan animal market. 1.2368 0.06453 76 63 8 5
3122 I would just feel more open, if you were wearing pajamas. 1.2368 0.05884 76 61 12 3
3123 Then it started raining, there was a bright flash, and BOOM! 1.2368 0.06175 76 62 10 4
3124 But No-o-o . .I'm not The German Shepherd I'm a little beagle or a schnauzer or something . . 1.2366 0.05596 93 76 12 5
3125 I felt so stupid, distracted by just a piece of string. 1.2366 0.04930 93 73 18 2
3126 I hope you're not just making a shopping list. 1.2366 0.05999 93 78 8 7
3127 Let's pick up with your dream about that cat therapist. 1.2366 0.04930 93 73 18 2
3128 Technically, I'm not allowed on the couch. 1.2366 0.04930 93 73 18 2
3129 Doc, Got fired today. I’m actually thinking about suing. NOWHERE in the manual does it say that employees cannot relieve themselves on the floors! 1.2361 0.06706 72 60 7 5
3130 Is there really such a thing as unconditional love? 1.2361 0.06094 72 58 11 3
3131 My therapy dog recommended you. 1.2361 0.05414 72 56 15 1
3132 These dog days of summer really have me down. 1.2361 0.05764 72 57 13 2
3133 I wouldn't fetch. The ball was hidden from sight. Then my person called me the 'P' word. 1.2361 0.06094 72 58 11 3
3134 Is it weird that I get excited when I see you? 1.2361 0.05764 72 57 13 2
3135 Would you say things have been ruff lately? 1.2360 0.05059 89 70 17 2
3136 Despite everything I've done; I can't separate myself from the pack. 1.2360 0.04526 89 68 21 0
3137 You’re passive, you doze off and I just feel that you are ignoring me. 1.2360 0.05305 89 71 15 3
3138 My new boss is going to be a squirrel. I don't know if I can handle that and you too. 1.2360 0.05541 89 72 13 4
3139 All i really want is someone to throw me a bone 1.2360 0.05059 89 70 17 2
3140 Those felines just don't respect me anymore. 1.2358 0.05286 106 87 13 6
3141 You lick your ass and I chase cars—let’s work on something else. 1.2353 0.05712 85 69 12 4
3142 Oh, sister! Another Type-D personality. 1.2353 0.06986 68 57 6 5
3143 This therapy helps, but the voices..."Get OFF the Couch!" 1.2353 0.05198 85 67 16 2
3144 It sounds like it's raining women and men outside? 1.2353 0.05712 85 69 12 4
3145 Sometimes I feel like I struggled to escape the dog collar of my youth only to be leashed by a necktie as an adult... 1.2353 0.06327 68 55 10 3
3146 I'm not saying they do it every time! But throw a dog a bone you know? 1.2353 0.05712 85 69 12 4
3147 ...so that is how it feels to be in the doghouse. 1.2353 0.04862 102 81 18 3
3148 No matter how many promotions I get, it's always fetch this, fetch that. 1.2353 0.05461 85 68 14 3
3149 All I want to do is sneak behind their furniture and hide forever. How the hell do you do it so easily? 1.2353 0.05058 102 82 16 4
3150 Is it me, or are sensing some tension between us? 1.2353 0.05198 85 67 16 2
3151 every morning I look in the mirror and think, who are you? 1.2353 0.05461 85 68 14 3
3152 : I always need affirmation. I don't know why. 1.2353 0.05198 85 67 16 2
3153 I suppose it’s just a transference defense, but I have this urge to chase you around the room. 1.2347 0.05389 98 80 13 5
3154 Sorry, dogs aren't allowed on the couch. 1.2347 0.05190 98 79 15 4
3155 I’m feeling more and more depressed. I used to be top dog. Now all I hear is ‘what a cute pussycat’, ‘what a wonderful pussycat’. Dr. I need help!” 1.2347 0.05389 98 80 13 5
3156 I'm tired of the rat race. 1.2346 0.05053 81 63 17 1
3157 It feels like I'm going round and round in circles here. 1.2346 0.05630 81 65 13 3
3158 I can’t really expect YOU to understand. 1.2346 0.04737 81 62 19 0
3159 Doc, you’d understand if you had any kind of emotional range. 1.2346 0.05630 81 65 13 3
3160 I came to you because of our past conflicts. I'm sorry. 1.2346 0.05898 81 66 11 4
3161 My modeling career's finished. Nobody wants paintings of poker-playing dogs anymore. 1.2346 0.06154 81 67 9 5
3162 But why do you think my begging for scraps is a sign of low self-esteem? 1.2346 0.05053 81 63 17 1
3163 Who referred you to me? 1.2346 0.05053 81 63 17 1
3164 They say I’m a good boy, but it sounds exaggerated. 1.2346 0.05053 81 63 17 1
3165 Should I be nervous that you're not writing anything down? 1.2346 0.05053 81 63 17 1
3166 Why all these questions about my liver? 1.2346 0.05349 81 64 15 2
3167 I’ve been a good boy all my life. The bad boys always seem to win, so what’s the point? 1.2346 0.05898 81 66 11 4
3168 I identify as a kitten. 1.2346 0.05630 81 65 13 3
3169 It just feels like everyone’s out to get me. 1.2346 0.05630 81 65 13 3
3170 I just wish I could land on my feet. 1.2346 0.05898 81 66 11 4
3171 But my master's leg doesn't love me back. Ow-oooooh! 1.2346 0.05349 81 64 15 2
3172 I'm tired of living in this dog-eat-dog world. 1.2344 0.06952 64 53 7 4
3173 I just made the couch my territory. 1.2344 0.06585 64 52 9 3
3174 I’m no longer afraid of getting eaten by cats, because I know now that cats don’t eat dogs. But who is going to explain this to the cats in my neighbourhood? 1.2344 0.06585 64 52 9 3
3175 I'm tired of always having to be emotionally supportive. What about my feelings? 1.2340 0.04884 94 74 18 2
3176 I mean, I've only got this one life. 1.2340 0.05332 94 76 14 4
3177 I broke up with my password. 1.2340 0.05745 94 78 10 6
3178 I want my advice from a dog not a cat, 1.2340 0.05332 94 76 14 4
3179 My mother loved cats. 1.2340 0.04884 94 74 18 2
3180 The relentless interrogations are breaking me, Who is “agoodboy”? 1.2340 0.05332 94 76 14 4
3181 I thought I was all "meow-ed" out! 1.2338 0.05816 77 62 12 3
3182 I feel like it's a Dog Eat Dog world and I'm Vegan. 1.2338 0.05816 77 62 12 3
3183 Right Off! I hate Cats! 1.2338 0.06376 77 64 8 5
3184 You try walking around and being mistaken for Goofy. 1.2338 0.05816 77 62 12 3
3185 Doc, I'm having a hard time making friends. 1.2338 0.05195 77 60 16 1
3186 Well, I have this friend who can't help but eat the contents of litter boxes... 1.2338 0.06376 77 64 8 5
3187 Cat’s and dogs together is one for The New Yorker 1.2338 0.05514 77 61 14 2
3188 I'm so overwhelmed. I'm beginning to think I wouldn't even notice if my psychiatrist was a cat. 1.2338 0.05816 77 62 12 3
3189 I'm grownup. I act grown up. I think grown up. I wear grown up clothes. Why do they still say I'm a good boy? 1.2338 0.05514 77 61 14 2
3190 Honest, I would never do that to your wife. 1.2338 0.05514 77 61 14 2
3191 And when did you learn you were a dog, and then what happened? 1.2338 0.06376 77 64 8 5
3192 How do you think it feels, they used to consider us to be their best friends. 1.2338 0.05514 77 61 14 2
3193 Woof. Meow. That’ll be 250$ please. 1.2338 0.05816 77 62 12 3
3194 She just won't stop barking orders. 1.2333 0.06451 60 48 10 2
3195 I've been dating this parrot who eats crackers in bed. 1.2333 0.05253 90 72 15 3
3196 #My New Yorker Caption "I've lost all interest in being petted." 1.2333 0.05009 90 71 17 2
3197 There's nothing wrong with me really, I just have this uncontrollable urge to chase you around the room. 1.2333 0.05923 90 75 9 6
3198 and she said to me,'you dawg, and it got even worse, i am no more than an animal to her.it is destroying me. i come from a long line of poodles. i love her what can i do? 1.2333 0.05253 90 72 15 3
3199 I just feel like, I haven't any style. 1.2333 0.05708 90 74 11 5
3200 Seems like you have a case of “summer slow the f down!” 1.2333 0.05253 90 72 15 3
3201 I just felt like you hated me when I brought up “countertransference,” Doc. 1.2330 0.05200 103 84 14 5
3202 It's a dog-eat-dog world. You're safe. 1.2330 0.04820 103 82 18 3
3203 I suspect you can probably empathize with my castration complex. 1.2329 0.04981 73 56 17 0
3204 A cat has my tongue. 1.2329 0.05349 73 57 15 1
3205 So--you feel your loyalty is not appreciated? 1.2329 0.06327 73 60 9 4
3206 So what am I SUPPOPSED to call my female colleagues? 1.2329 0.06327 73 60 9 4
3207 I miss my harness. 1.2329 0.05349 73 57 15 1
3208 ...but somehow, I can't play when the cat's away." 1.2329 0.05349 73 57 15 1
3209 It's just that sometimes I need a change from this dog-eat-dog world. 1.2329 0.05349 73 57 15 1
3210 Sometimes I feel like a ball that doesn’t squeeze… 1.2329 0.05694 73 58 13 2
3211 I know you and I don't fit the stereotypes. Yet I have a strong urge to mark a leg of this recliner. 1.2326 0.05404 86 69 14 3
3212 Then he said he wouldn't vote for me for Dog Catcher! 1.2326 0.05652 86 70 12 4
3213 Billy got a smart phone when he turned ten and never played with me since. I don't expect you to understand... 1.2326 0.05404 86 69 14 3
3214 [for Farley Katz cartoon]: Whale Oil Beef Hooked! 1.2326 0.05404 86 69 14 3
3215 Hmmm,can we talk more about the begging? 1.2326 0.05404 86 69 14 3
3216 This last year of Covid has felt like 7 years. Can you just pretend to only have one life right now? 1.2326 0.05404 86 69 14 3
3217 so...the problem is you're a dog? 1.2326 0.05145 86 68 16 2
3218 I didn't mean to bite you, doc, I just learned it from my dad. 1.2326 0.05404 86 69 14 3
3219 Can you prescribe me Whiskas ? 1.2326 0.05652 86 70 12 4
3220 You’ve helped me explore my inner feline, but now I’m addicted to catnip. 1.2323 0.04938 99 79 17 3
3221 I purrrrred when I saw a female Pointer! 1.2323 0.05142 99 80 15 4
3222 I’m tired of being anthropomorphic. 1.2319 0.06576 69 57 8 4
3223 And in the dream I’m a mouse…. 1.2319 0.06892 69 58 6 5
3224 Rough. 1.2319 0.05892 69 55 12 2
3225 I never got to meet my parents 1.2319 0.05892 69 55 12 2
3226 Actually, you are in my dream too ... and it's raining. 1.2317 0.04999 82 64 17 1
3227 My partner's a cat, and we fight all the time. 1.2317 0.05833 82 67 11 4
3228 Why do I always have to go outside...? 1.2317 0.04999 82 64 17 1
3229 I'm not sure why I circle the couch twice before we begin 1.2317 0.05569 82 66 13 3
3230 I don't know why, but I find it hard to relate, even to you. 1.2317 0.04999 82 64 17 1
3231 When you say, leash, do you mean this metaphorically or literally? 1.2317 0.05569 82 66 13 3
3232 My history of dog collar crime is coming back to bite me in the butt. 1.2317 0.05291 82 65 15 2
3233 And when did you first start having these feelings of inferiority? 1.2317 0.05833 82 67 11 4
3234 I didn’t say all cats were bad 1.2317 0.05569 82 66 13 3
3235 Tell me again how you're misunderstood? 1.2317 0.05833 82 67 11 4
3236 I'm sorry, doctor, but could you empty your litter box? 1.2316 0.05065 95 76 16 3
3237 And they won't even let me take my emotional support dolphin on the plane 1.2316 0.05281 95 77 14 4
3238 I keep feeling I am not being taken seriously. 1.2316 0.05689 95 79 10 6
3239 Woof woof woof, woof! Woof. Woof, woof woof. Woof woof; woof woof woof? Woof woof. Woof woof: woof-woof. Woof woof.” “Please sir, if you want me to tell the courts you’ve served your time, you’ll have to use words. 1.2316 0.05281 95 77 14 4
3240 I feel like I'm a canary in a coal mine. 1.2316 0.05489 95 78 12 5
3241 I 'm having this recurring dream that I'm an animal 1.2316 0.05281 95 77 14 4
3242 I hate being ignored. 1.2308 0.04961 91 72 17 2
3243 I feel fenced in. I want to do my business elsewhere. 1.2308 0.05201 91 73 15 3
3244 I'm not sure you can help me, I grew up with cats and I need someone to teach me how to be a dog. 1.2308 0.05451 78 62 14 2
3245 I am tired of being in the dog house. 1.2308 0.05137 78 61 16 1
3246 Sometimes I'm not sure if you even care if I'm a good boy 1.2308 0.05748 78 63 12 3
3247 I have this recurring dream I’m some character in an Art Spiegelman book. 1.2308 0.05748 78 63 12 3
3248 Have you tried using a litter box. 1.2308 0.05748 78 63 12 3
3249 INTERACTIVE CAPTION: "The cat gets (his own powder room/Fancy Feast/plush toys/a condo/medical school) , but I (have to scrounge for a fire hydrant/eat dog food/play with picked-over steak bones/sleep a little bed on the floor/obedience school." 1.2308 0.06068 91 77 7 7
3250 Jjj 1.2308 0.05651 91 75 11 5
3251 Then I have this irresistible urge to pee on them or f### them 1.2308 0.05748 78 63 12 3
3252 I just want to spend my days sleeping on a couch. 1.2308 0.05137 78 61 16 1
3253 Doctor, I am the Great Clown Pagliacci. 1.2308 0.05431 91 74 13 4
3254 Would my ancestors be proud of what I've become? 1.2308 0.05451 78 62 14 2
3255 I personally think you are well-suited for adoption. 1.2308 0.04708 91 71 19 1
3256 And is that were your abandonment fears started? With COVID ending? 1.2308 0.05431 91 74 13 4
3257 Do you turn black at night? 1.2308 0.05451 78 62 14 2
3258 Being called that may not be an insult to you but… 1.2308 0.05155 104 85 14 5
3259 Can I pay you with doggie biscuit coins? 1.2308 0.05201 91 73 15 3
3260 It’s always, ‘What a good boy!’ ‘Good dog Buddy!’ All the toxic positivity is really getting to me. 1.2308 0.05431 91 74 13 4
3261 Beta Kitten Programming. 1.2308 0.05451 78 62 14 2
3262 It's been a ruff couple of nights off the catnip! Can you hook me up, Doc? 1.2308 0.05748 78 63 12 3
3263 Is the mail truck just a representation of my failed marriage? 1.2308 0.05651 91 75 11 5
3264 If I’m ‘man’s best friend’ why is it that I’M the only one who ever goes fetch? 1.2308 0.05651 91 75 11 5
3265 I constantly feel out of place 1.2300 0.04230 100 77 23 0
3266 Ever since I can remember, chasing cars and sniffing butts has never appealed to me. 1.2300 0.04230 100 77 23 0
3267 I am afraid of the cat at home manipulating me. Can you help? 1.2299 0.05593 87 71 12 4
3268 Try to understand. I have an irresistible urge to be a friend. 1.2299 0.05827 87 72 10 5
3269 Cat purrs listening to dog whimpers. Such is life. 1.2299 0.05348 87 70 14 3
3270 Well I certainly don't have your tongue. 1.2299 0.05092 87 69 16 2
3271 No wonder you're overanxious! 'Man's best friend ' has always been overstated 1.2299 0.05092 87 69 16 2
3272 I have come to the realization that I am a lion trapped in the body of a Great Dane! 1.2299 0.04823 87 68 18 1
3273 I just do not want a catastrophe on my hands 1.2299 0.05348 87 70 14 3
3274 You'll still bill me in human hours right? 1.2297 0.05286 74 58 15 1
3275 Well...It all started when I was just a pup.... 1.2297 0.05625 74 59 13 2
3276 So, your mother was a bitch. Go on. 1.2297 0.05625 74 59 13 2
3277 I think I suffer from litter box envy 1.2297 0.06249 74 61 9 4
3278 I've been depressed since last month when my kids called me a pussy. 1.2297 0.05625 74 59 13 2
3279 It may be a dog eat dog world, but I just can't shake the feeling that the fleas are winning. 1.2297 0.05286 74 58 15 1
3280 And then it started to rain really hard, and you know what they said…” 1.2297 0.05625 74 59 13 2
3281 I feel like I’m always chasing something I don’t even want. 1.2297 0.05945 74 60 11 3
3282 Woof, woof woof, woof woof woof, woof.... 1.2297 0.05625 74 59 13 2
3283 I thought it was a good idea too,but the suits aren’t helping 1.2297 0.05945 74 60 11 3
3284 It's often difficult to acknowledge truths, though deep down you know you've always been a bad dog. 1.2297 0.05945 74 60 11 3
3285 And every night, right when I started getting used to the idea that they abandoned me forever, they came back, and they took me for a walk, and I peed, and I pooed because of how scared I was of being abandoned again in the morning... It was a nightmare! 1.2297 0.05945 74 60 11 3
3286 I know it's wrong, but I can't stop watching cat porn. 1.2297 0.06249 74 61 9 4
3287 I don't even have an inclination to chase you round the room 1.2292 0.05017 96 77 16 3
3288 I have a feeling you are not objective. 1.2292 0.05231 96 78 14 4
3289 Yes, I do take notes in hieroglyphics. 1.2292 0.05017 96 77 16 3
3290 They keep calling me good boy, in spite of all the shoes hide and chew on. And it makes me feel guilty. But I just can't stop, you know, shoes are so intriguing. Sandals especially. Have you ever tried Birkenstocks? You should. 1.2292 0.05017 96 77 16 3
3291 it's enough to blow your whiskers off 1.2289 0.05508 83 67 13 3
3292 You're projecting when you call me a pussy. 1.2289 0.05508 83 67 13 3
3293 Some times I just can't get excited enough to chase that ball. 1.2289 0.05235 83 66 15 2
3294 I feel like you're justing playin' with me, Doc. 1.2289 0.05769 83 68 11 4
3295 OMG, dogs are so boring. Fortunately, I can manage a few catnaps while he's here. 1.2289 0.05508 83 67 13 3
3296 Work has me on such a tight leash, they just won't throw me a bone. I feel like I'm chasing my tail you know? 1.2289 0.04946 83 65 17 1
3297 I don't know why or where I buried those past traumas; we must keep digging 1.2289 0.05235 83 66 15 2
3298 Hunh. You're right. It never occurred to me that I don't really have to fetch that stupid ball. 1.2289 0.05508 83 67 13 3
3299 Doctor, I'm afraid transference is going to be a problem here. 1.2289 0.05508 83 67 13 3
3300 Doctor, I no longer enjoy eating my own excrement. 1.2289 0.05769 83 68 11 4
3301 I would like to take a cat nap... 1.2289 0.05769 83 68 11 4
3302 When they said they said I should see an animal psychologist ... well, I just thought it would be different 1.2289 0.05235 83 66 15 2
3303 I read your Domestication and Its Discontents. 1.2289 0.05769 83 68 11 4
3304 And when they tell you to "sit" - how does that make you feel? 1.2289 0.05508 83 67 13 3
3305 If your owners seem to be neglecting you I suggest purring 1.2289 0.04946 83 65 17 1
3306 Well, a rough start in a shelter and now, a preoccupation with litter boxes.... 1.2289 0.05235 83 66 15 2
3307 Sometimes I feel like you think I’m just a bad dog. 1.2289 0.04946 83 65 17 1
3308 I keep having this nightmare about needing a litter box 1.2289 0.05769 83 68 11 4
3309 Doggone it, my life is a catastrophe! 1.2289 0.05508 83 67 13 3
3310 Turns out that "a dog's life" ain't all it's cracked up to be 1.2289 0.05508 83 67 13 3
3311 Based on my experience I believe you will land on your feet. 1.2289 0.04946 83 65 17 1
3312 And so, anyway, I think I have litter box envy. 1.2286 0.05817 70 56 12 2
3313 Before we start, be assured that I've never chased a cat. 1.2286 0.06163 70 57 10 3
3314 Dog day? 1.2286 0.04738 105 84 18 3
3315 I keep thinking the cat is judging me. 1.2286 0.05817 70 56 12 2
3316 I get praised for using the newspapers but swatted for using the litterbox! 1.2286 0.04928 105 85 16 4
3317 In the dream I was standing in the pouring rain. The weird part is you were there too! 1.2286 0.05449 70 55 14 1
3318 I'm the cat's meow. 1.2286 0.06490 70 58 8 4
3319 I probably shouldn't be telling you this 1.2283 0.05377 92 75 13 4
3320 Oh, bother. Another dog whose anxiety is linked totally to his need to enable his humans. . . 1.2283 0.05595 92 76 11 5
3321 I've lost the will to chase you up a tree. 1.2283 0.04913 92 73 17 2
3322 I feel very depressed. I have only three letters in wordless- C A T and I can’t get the rest. 1.2283 0.04400 92 71 21 0
3323 Yeah, I chase cars. Big whoop. You’ll never understand. 1.2278 0.05390 79 63 14 2
3324 All I could think of was eating cat food. CAT FOOD 1.2278 0.05079 79 62 16 1
3325 Call it a conditioned response, but every time I hear a bell I salivate 1.2278 0.05390 79 63 14 2
3326 So, how do you really feel when you smell a rat?" 1.2278 0.05390 79 63 14 2
3327 Now let me get this straight,you never know cats got declawed? 1.2278 0.05079 79 62 16 1
3328 The perfect psychotherapist 1.2278 0.05390 79 63 14 2
3329 I've got a thing for litter boxes. Is that strange? 1.2278 0.06483 79 67 6 6
3330 I can't find my chew toy and lately I don't even feel like barking. I don't mean to whine, but I'm at the end of my leash. Can you help me, Dr. Claws? 1.2278 0.05683 79 64 12 3
3331 I'm having trouble with the transference! 1.2278 0.05961 79 65 10 4
3332 I just don't feel like I belong--even here. 1.2278 0.05683 79 64 12 3
3333 I am so tired of being a people pleaser 1.2278 0.05390 79 63 14 2
3334 Cat: “what’s the meowter?” Dog: “It’s been a really ruff week” 1.2278 0.05683 79 64 12 3
3335 I mean, what was Judi Dench thinking? 1.2278 0.05683 79 64 12 3
3336 I don’t know what to do doc. I try to stay mad at my owner when he leaves me at home all day, but then he just tells me I’m a good boi and I just wag my tail like a maniac. It’s so humiliating, my ego is really taking a hit. 1.2278 0.05390 79 63 14 2
3337 I still have to go outside! Isn't it time for uni-species litter boxes? 1.2277 0.04850 101 81 17 3
3338 All my father did was cat around... and my mother was a fox! 1.2273 0.05535 88 72 12 4
3339 well,I suppose it's a similar feeling like you have when you see a mouse. 1.2273 0.04773 110 89 17 4
3340 I guess I just feel like I never land on my feet,you know what I mean? 1.2273 0.05535 88 72 12 4
3341 I think I push myself to fetch to much! 1.2273 0.04493 88 68 20 0
3342 But I love you. 1.2273 0.05294 88 71 14 3
3343 Some of my best friends are cats. 1.2273 0.05041 88 70 16 2
3344 I’m scratching down some notes 1.2273 0.05041 88 70 16 2
3345 I shouldn't, but I worry about what you think of me. 1.2273 0.05629 66 52 13 1
3346 Why can't dogs have litter boxes? 1.2273 0.05766 88 73 10 5
3347 In a dog eat dog world a little tough love didn't seem all wrong. 1.2273 0.05294 88 71 14 3
3348 I keep chasing what I want, but the squirrel always goes up the tree 1.2273 0.05535 88 72 12 4
3349 Well, I figured I'd start here, then move onto CBT. 1.2268 0.05386 97 80 12 5
3350 Yes, I've finally come to terms with cats rule and dogs drool. 1.2268 0.04750 97 77 18 2
3351 These dog days of summer are really getting me down. 1.2267 0.06458 75 63 7 5
3352 Of course I found the transition difficult - how did YOU find it? 1.2267 0.05558 75 60 13 2
3353 I feel like everybody's a cat person. 1.2267 0.05558 75 60 13 2
3354 So, tell me more about this compulsion to sniff and lavish oral affection on Homo sapiens…. 1.2267 0.06173 75 62 9 4
3355 It all went south after I learned that 'Planet of the Apes' was a documentary." 1.2267 0.05558 75 60 13 2
3356 I'm whipped! 1.2267 0.06458 75 63 7 5
3357 My last therapist said it’s just a delusional cat craving.” 1.2267 0.05874 75 61 11 3
3358 I've suffered from cat envy evry since I was a wee pup. 1.2267 0.05874 75 61 11 3
3359 And how long have you felt this way toward cats? 1.2267 0.05874 75 61 11 3
3360 I know you are rolling your eyes, but it’s true! 1.2267 0.05874 75 61 11 3
3361 What if I've wasted my life becoming the top dog while deep down what I really wanted was to be a cool cat. 1.2267 0.05874 75 61 11 3
3362 The Dog Days 1.2267 0.05874 75 61 11 3
3363 And how did that make you feel when they went back to dry food? 1.2267 0.05224 75 59 15 1
3364 I’m seeing this foxy feline but the other day she coughed up a hair ball at dinner, and I just don’t know if we’re compatible anymore” #anxiou 1.2267 0.06173 75 62 9 4
3365 It’s hard, really very hard to accept that I’m not the only ‘good boy’ in this world. 1.2267 0.06173 75 62 9 4
3366 I've got a bone to pick . 1.2262 0.05449 84 68 13 3
3367 I can't figure out why I feel like a fish out of water. 1.2262 0.05179 84 67 15 2
3368 Feels like rain. 1.2262 0.05706 84 69 11 4
3369 Doc, it really is a dog eat dog world. 1.2262 0.05179 84 67 15 2
3370 What’s wrong Rover? Cat got your tongue? 1.2262 0.05179 84 67 15 2
3371 I don‘t mind so much that he calls me his baby-momma . It‘ s a lot better than his coarse references to my birth gender. 1.2262 0.05952 84 70 9 5
3372 Some days I feel I'm making progress. And then some days I feel I'm just chasing my own tail. 1.2262 0.04895 84 66 17 1
3373 You don't really care about my problems. 1.2262 0.05449 84 68 13 3
3374 Doctor, where do I start? My owner treats me like an animal, my girlfriend ran away with a boxer and they say I won't make it past my teens. 1.2262 0.05706 84 69 11 4
3375 So how bout we talk about why you’re so needy. 1.2262 0.04592 84 65 19 0
3376 After every session here, I want to buy catnip. 1.2261 0.04793 115 94 16 5
3377 And then I said, whats up dog? 1.2258 0.04619 93 73 19 1
3378 I keep dreaming I'm chasing a ball! 1.2258 0.04619 93 73 19 1
3379 I know you want me to purr, yowl and hiss - but all that comes to mind is “bow wow,” 1.2258 0.04866 93 74 17 2
3380 Boy, this whole therapy animal thing just gets more confusing, doesn't it? 1.2258 0.05100 93 75 15 3
3381 Don’t tell me how you feel. 1.2258 0.05325 93 76 13 4
3382 Who needs the therapy here? I bare my soul and all you do is hiss! 1.2258 0.05325 93 76 13 4
3383 I don't like the taste of meat. 1.2258 0.06673 62 51 8 3
3384 Wait: we're bipolar, remember? So it's my turn to be the therapist and you the patient. 1.2258 0.05747 93 78 9 6
3385 Goat yoga just didn't help 1.2258 0.05100 93 75 15 3
3386 In my dream I keep chasing my cat’s tail. Doctor what does mean? 1.2258 0.04866 93 74 17 2
3387 Initially it was purrfect but now I need to break it to him that I am not interested in chasing that ball 1.2258 0.06673 62 51 8 3
3388 I've got to admit that during this pandemic, humans annoy me more than cats. 1.2255 0.05196 102 84 13 5
3389 Since you asked, I'm experiencing some very predatory urges right now. 1.2254 0.06406 71 59 8 4
3390 I feel like I'm in the Twilight Zone! 1.2254 0.06406 71 59 8 4
3391 My mother was a bitch, but I think I blame my father for the abandonment issues. 1.2254 0.06713 71 60 6 5
3392 I bark. I chase. But deep down there’s no pleasure in it anymore. 1.2254 0.06084 71 58 10 3
3393 I can't take all the microagressions, doc! DOGdays of summer...It's a DOGgone shame... 1.2254 0.06084 71 58 10 3
3394 I feel like my owner doesn't pay enough attention to me.... 1.2254 0.05743 71 57 12 2
3395 They said 'the cat can stay here, but you have to go to a kennel.' 1.2254 0.05743 71 57 12 2
3396 My boss is a cat person, mate. 1.2254 0.05382 71 56 14 1
3397 It’s not transference—I really hate you. 1.2254 0.06406 71 59 8 4
3398 And you think you have problems…I have 9 lives to deal with!!! 1.2254 0.05743 71 57 12 2
3399 Chasing you here was the easy part, Doc. 1.2250 0.05024 80 63 16 1
3400 And then they called me a scaredy-cat. Am I a scaredy-cat, Dr. Mouse? 1.2250 0.05618 80 65 12 3
3401 That was when I realized I didn't know what to do now that I caught one. 1.2250 0.05618 80 65 12 3
3402 Have you considered why you are a people pleaser? 1.2250 0.05329 80 64 14 2
3403 I know I'm a very good boy... but am I a very good man? 1.2250 0.05618 80 65 12 3
3404 I am feeling a bit ruff, Dr. Katz. 1.2250 0.05893 80 66 10 4
3405 I suffer from crippling anxiety. 1.2250 0.05893 80 66 10 4
3406 To be honest, Dr. Katz, it's been a ruff week . . . 1.2250 0.05329 80 64 14 2
3407 I see what you mean, Doc. There's gotta be more to life than chasing pussy. 1.2250 0.05618 80 65 12 3
3408 I want to be a good boy, a really good boy. 1.2247 0.04449 89 69 20 0
3409 It's not easy being a dog. 1.2247 0.05478 89 73 12 4
3410 Yes, I know that I have anger and aggression issues, but actually, some of my best friends are cats. 1.2247 0.04990 89 71 16 2
3411 She never listens when I bark. 1.2247 0.05240 89 72 14 3
3412 I may be a repressed rat terrier, but I don't want to talk about rats anymore. 1.2247 0.05240 89 72 14 3
3413 So…when did you start chasing mice? 1.2247 0.04990 89 71 16 2
3414 Any regrets? 1.2247 0.04990 89 71 16 2
3415 It's quite obvious the cat doesn't have my tongue— I'm just struggling to put it into words. 1.2247 0.04728 89 70 18 1
3416 Ever feel like you're chasing your tail with pants on? 1.2247 0.04449 89 69 20 0
3417 I started doing this from a day 1… Should I stop chasing things I might never catch? I am afraid there is no perspective without it.. 1.2247 0.04990 89 71 16 2
3418 Now, tell me all the ways you plan to hurt or kill Cats--don't leave out any sneaky details. 1.2245 0.05335 98 81 12 5
3419 My wife thought I should try aversion therapy. 1.2245 0.05135 98 80 14 4
3420 And whenever I go to deliver the mail, there's this mailman who's always trying to bite me! 1.2245 0.05335 98 81 12 5
3421 This isn't going to work for me. I'm dogged and you're catty. That's just the way it is. 1.2239 0.05947 67 54 11 2
3422 It's like, you're in my head. 1.2239 0.05554 67 53 13 1
3423 I’m so worried about leaving the little yellow bird alone in the house all day, I can’t enjoy myself. 1.2239 0.05947 67 54 11 2
3424 Let me guess, the pressure of being man’s best friend is crushing you again? 1.2239 0.05947 67 54 11 2
3425 What a fuckin p*ssy ! 1.2239 0.06665 67 56 7 4
3426 I still salivate every time I hear a bell. I'm afraid the exposure therapy isn't working. 1.2237 0.05164 76 60 15 1
3427 I'm just so tired of being seen as 'less than' by your kind, ya know? 1.2237 0.05803 76 62 11 3
3428 It's not like I don't think you fully understand me, doc... 1.2237 0.05493 76 61 13 2
3429 Sometimes I feel like I'm out to get everybody. 1.2237 0.06098 76 63 9 4
3430 And my bark no longer commands attention. Mittens hardly noticed me, like her mind was elsewhere. 1.2237 0.05164 76 60 15 1
3431 I am worried that people don't like me. 1.2237 0.05803 76 62 11 3
3432 So on a dog day afternoon, my master went for our cat who deigned to let him pet her. 1.2237 0.05803 76 62 11 3
3433 Like I was saying I’m always so happy when my human comes home… are you hissing doc? 1.2237 0.05164 76 60 15 1
3434 My nose sniffs sarcasm 1.2237 0.05803 76 62 11 3
3435 And then she just scratched my hand walked away. 1.2237 0.06649 76 65 5 6
3436 You don't need to pretend that you share my background. 1.2237 0.05803 76 62 11 3
3437 I feel like the ugliest stockbroker in the litter... 1.2237 0.06098 76 63 9 4
3438 I’m having serious issues with dominate felines. 1.2237 0.05493 76 61 13 2
3439 And then I dreamt I was chasing a squirrel, but it had your face. 1.2237 0.05493 76 61 13 2
3440 I know it’s unfortunate, but you only get one life. 1.2237 0.05493 76 61 13 2
3441 Ever since I tried that catnip, I’ve been wanting to sleep all day, ignore my human, and knock down a glass of water for no reason! 1.2237 0.05493 76 61 13 2
3442 Maybe Pavlov was right, maybe I don't the control over my life like I thought I did 1.2237 0.06098 76 63 9 4
3443 I keep having this recurring dream, where I'm chasing a cat. 1.2235 0.05645 85 70 11 4
3444 —Not from my purrspective! 1.2235 0.05391 85 69 13 3
3445 I ran with this pack that thought they were really tough, but I knew they were just a bunch of pus...uh, pusillanimous mutts. 1.2235 0.05125 85 68 15 2
3446 Maybe it’s Freudian but I just can’t use a litter box. 1.2235 0.05888 85 71 9 5
3447 « I see: so you reckon I should adopt a more aloof and independent approach, worked for you… » 1.2235 0.05391 85 69 13 3
3448 When I saw Planet of the Apes, it really freaked me out. 1.2235 0.05125 85 68 15 2
3449 Your Doodles are not helping my identity crisis. 1.2235 0.05125 85 68 15 2
3450 As a preferred provider aren’t you required to be the same species as your patient? 1.2235 0.05125 85 68 15 2
3451 So, I just woke up, for the third time, rolled over on my belly and was waiting for a scratch and the Bloody cat walked in with a dead rat! Again! 1.2235 0.05391 85 69 13 3
3452 I am hoping for an ousider's view of this dog-eat-dog world. 1.2234 0.05052 94 76 15 3
3453 I’ve made a fortune in business, but I still have this urge to chase cars. 1.2234 0.04820 94 75 17 2
3454 Welcome to your first Cat Behavioural Therapy session. CBT for short. 1.2234 0.04820 94 75 17 2
3455 In my mind I'm a vicious street dog. In reality I'm the kind of dog who wears a bow tie. 1.2222 0.05827 81 67 10 4
3456 YOU COUD NEVER UNDERSTAND HOW I FEEL 1.2222 0.05556 81 66 12 3
3457 I have this unnerving feeling that’s driving me nuts. I think my owner is turning into a cat. 1.2222 0.05188 90 73 14 3
3458 That is why waging your tail can get you in trouble... 1.2222 0.05556 81 66 12 3
3459 So...you want to get over humans and help cats take over the world. 1.2222 0.05423 90 74 12 4
3460 And then my owner said it “was raining cats and dogs.” 1.2222 0.05270 81 65 14 2
3461 He said poop, then he broke the biscuit in half.. 1.2222 0.05270 81 65 14 2
3462 It's always having to please my alpha male that is the root of my anxiety. 1.2222 0.05423 90 74 12 4
3463 Did you just say "How did that meow you feel?" 1.2222 0.05270 81 65 14 2
3464 Where are all the bones buried? 1.2222 0.05188 90 73 14 3
3465 Seeking approval is killing me daily and I don't know how to run away. 1.2222 0.04941 90 72 16 2
3466 I do not understand it; I don’t care to chase cats! 1.2222 0.05556 81 66 12 3
3467 This monkey mind is driving me crazy. 1.2222 0.06007 72 59 10 3
3468 They all went back to work at the office... 1.2222 0.05316 72 57 14 1
3469 so should I pee or drink in the toilet? 1.2222 0.05316 72 57 14 1
3470 I just wish I weren't so doggone loyal. 1.2222 0.05423 90 74 12 4
3471 How do you cure Catatonia, Dr. C ? 1.2222 0.05316 72 57 14 1
3472 Being constantly told that I am barking up the wrong tree has made me very insecure. 1.2222 0.04682 90 71 18 1
3473 When did you realize that you weren't a cat? 1.2222 0.04969 81 64 16 1
3474 Doc, it's been ruff... 1.2222 0.05270 81 65 14 2
3475 Yeah, I’ve heard of ailurophobia. What about it? 1.2222 0.05423 90 74 12 4
3476 I’m a dog who’s afraid of cats, catcalls, catfish, Cats the Musical, cat fights, caterpillars, catnaps, catapults, Cat In The Hat, cat’s meow, catastrophes…. 1.2222 0.05827 81 67 10 4
3477 I’m haunted by a sense of being judged by someone predisposed against me. 1.2222 0.04969 81 64 16 1
3478 Doctor, would you mind not rolling your eyes so much? 1.2222 0.04969 81 64 16 1
3479 So . . . . . . .How long have you been having these nightmares about squeaky toys? 1.2222 0.04881 99 80 16 3
3480 Lately, I just feel like everybody’s against me. 1.2222 0.04620 108 87 18 3
3481 Do I smell a cat box? 1.2222 0.04665 99 79 18 2
3482 Have you ever tried not tying your emotions directly to another individual? 1.2222 0.05316 72 57 14 1
3483 When did you realize you really are a cat? 1.2213 0.04730 122 101 15 6
3484 So, how long have you been in the doghouse? 1.2211 0.05635 95 80 9 6
3485 Overall,how would you describe your mood? Generally positive until I saw that you are a cat. 1.2211 0.05004 95 77 15 3
3486 Can't sleep in fear that the Loving case will be overturned next. 1.2211 0.05223 95 78 13 4
3487 I'm classic bark& bite in a pool of meowers. 1.2211 0.04775 95 76 17 2
3488 I heard that animal therapy is all the rage 1.2209 0.04794 86 68 17 1
3489 It might be hard for you to understand, but I just can't run with the pack anymore. 1.2209 0.05335 86 70 13 3
3490 They yell 'fetch,' but what I want to hear is 'you look fetching.' Certainly YOU understand." 1.2209 0.05335 86 70 13 3
3491 Lately they've been working me like a dog! 1.2209 0.05072 86 69 15 2
3492 I'd rather not say who I kill in my nightmare. 1.2209 0.05072 86 69 15 2
3493 Pretending to be human may be the death of me. 1.2209 0.04794 86 68 17 1
3494 As a puppy they kept me on a blockchain 1.2209 0.05072 86 69 15 2
3495 Pavlov really did a number on you…(ding!) 1.2209 0.05072 86 69 15 2
3496 No matter how close I get, I can never, ever catch it. It just drives away...everytime. 1.2208 0.05735 77 63 11 3
3497 I love you. Marry me! We can adopt. 1.2208 0.05735 77 63 11 3
3498 I can’t concentrate because I want to chase you up a tree. 1.2208 0.05104 77 61 15 1
3499 I'm just so afraid that next time, it'll be a stranger's butt! 1.2208 0.05429 77 62 13 2
3500 You come highly recommended Doctor, I have troubling fantasies about mice. 1.2208 0.05735 77 63 11 3
3501 Even in my political PAC, I'm a people pleaser. What's wrong with me? 1.2208 0.05429 77 62 13 2
3502 Between us, I don't think that nature versus nurture begins to cover it. 1.2208 0.05429 77 62 13 2
3503 Just once I want him to ask me HOW is a good boy 1.2208 0.06026 77 64 9 4
3504 Ok, I always want to please, I just don’t get aloof 1.2208 0.06026 77 64 9 4
3505 I really don't see how you wearing that fake cat head will help my progress. 1.2208 0.05735 77 63 11 3
3506 but he didn't really throw the ball. 1.2208 0.05429 77 62 13 2
3507 It seems you’re a bit too attached to them. 1.2208 0.05735 77 63 11 3
3508 I have been suffering bouts of stress ever since my owners got a cat, as a result, everyone in authority looks like a cat to me! 1.2206 0.06231 68 56 9 3
3509 Show me how I can have Nine Lives too! 1.2206 0.05066 68 53 15 0
3510 I finally caught the car. After all these years, I caught it. Now you're suggesting I do yarn? 1.2206 0.06231 68 56 9 3
3511 It's just so tiring scaring away all the ambulances, y'know? If they don't up my treat allowance soon I may have to start looking for employment elsewhere. 1.2206 0.06574 68 57 7 4
3512 I have this debilitating guilty feeling that I oppressed your family in a prior life. 1.2206 0.06231 68 56 9 3
3513 So August 15, we trade places. 1.2206 0.05869 68 55 11 2
3514 Master said I was a "Bad, bad,bad,bad,bad,bad,bad,bad,bad dog. 1.2206 0.05066 68 53 15 0
3515 And then he throws the ball but it never leaves his hand" "Have you ever consider he may be CATCHlighting you 1.2206 0.05482 68 54 13 1
3516 They just keep gaslighting me. Who is a good boy? 1.2203 0.06427 59 48 9 2
3517 Yet another shaggy dog story! 1.2200 0.04837 100 81 16 3
3518 You know Doc, part of my problem is, I have a tendency to want to kill cats. 1.2200 0.04623 100 80 18 2
3519 I just kept spinning and spinning and spinning! Yet no matter how fast I spun, I could never catch that tail! 1.2198 0.05136 91 74 14 3
3520 Muffy, the cat, shows no interest whatsoever in relating to me." 1.2198 0.05136 91 74 14 3
3521 I don’t understand why everyone cares so much about landing on your feet. 1.2198 0.04893 91 73 16 2
3522 It's time to change our roles. 1.2195 0.05762 82 68 10 4
3523 And, all the time you loved me? 1.2195 0.05494 82 67 12 3
3524 I came to see you because I actually like cats and want to know if that is okay. 1.2195 0.05213 82 66 14 2
3525 For whatever reason you seem to grasp these feelings of inferiority. 1.2195 0.05494 82 67 12 3
3526 I was always conflicted about the cats and dogs fighting thing. 1.2195 0.04916 82 65 16 1
3527 I chased you when you were a kitten and I feel so guilty! 1.2195 0.05213 82 66 14 2
3528 No offense Doc, but the boss says I'm too much of a pussy cat for this dog-eat-dog world. 1.2195 0.05494 82 67 12 3
3529 I need you to help me to disengage from humans 1.2195 0.05762 82 68 10 4
3530 I've been begging for a raise for years. What am I doing wrong? 1.2195 0.05213 82 66 14 2
3531 She thinks wagging means I love her. But it’s my con for a treat. 1.2195 0.05494 82 67 12 3
3532 Since you have my tongue, here goes: It is all because of that bitch. She had me barking up the wrong tree. She made my bite stronger than my bark. She knew I loved to beg. She turned me from a woofer into a tweeter. And now, I can't get a leg up. 1.2195 0.06262 82 70 6 6
3533 …and I’m chased up a tree by dogs I’ve never met before and then I wake up. 1.2195 0.05762 82 68 10 4
3534 did anybody ever tell you to sit and stay 1.2195 0.05213 82 66 14 2
3535 Can you help me with herding cats? 1.2195 0.05213 82 66 14 2
3536 I feel ostracized by my friends because I like cats. 1.2195 0.04916 82 65 16 1
3537 And why is being a good boy so important to you?” “I’m a people pleaser. 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
3538 I just can’t shake this ‘imposter syndrome.’ 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
3539 And meow does that make you feel? 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
3540 Sometimes I feel like I’m chasing my own tail . 1.2192 0.04875 73 57 16 0
3541 I keep dreaming that my therapist doesn’t have my best interests at heart. 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
3542 And then it started to rain cats and dogs! 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
3543 My boss called me ambicritterous. Is that good? 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
3544 Actually, because they always look so smug. 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
3545 So, where did you do your residency? 1.2192 0.05251 73 58 14 1
3546 I have a recurring nightmare that my psychoanalyst is a cat. 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
3547 It’s like I don’t recognize what I’m chasing after anymore 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
3548 Sorry I'm late but it was raining cats and dogs. 1.2192 0.05932 73 60 10 3
3549 Telling me to lie down is triggering, Doctor. 1.2192 0.05251 73 58 14 1
3550 I obviously have feelings of inferiority, otherwise, why would I be asking you, a cat, for advice? 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
3551 What do you mean you have anxiety over cat fights? 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
3552 And then I just wake up and realize I never really knew my mother 1.2192 0.05251 73 58 14 1
3553 What does Freud say about sniffing other dogs bits? 1.2190 0.04485 105 84 19 2
3554 I see people as cat and dog,including myself 1.2190 0.04684 105 85 17 3
3555 My mother was a real bitch. 1.2188 0.06087 64 52 10 2
3556 ‘Teach yourself new tricks,’ you said. ‘It’s just a stereotype,’ you said. Well I have a bone to pick with you now too. 1.2188 0.05173 96 79 13 4
3557 I tried awoof like you suggested, but they just keep yelling at me to be quiet. 1.2188 0.06481 64 53 8 3
3558 Maybe exposure therapy isn't for me. 1.2184 0.04746 87 69 17 1
3559 Are you sure that talking to your cat doesn't mean you're crazy? 1.2184 0.05279 87 71 13 3
3560 I'm quite certain I overheard them say that they were going to neuter the cat. 1.2184 0.05279 87 71 13 3
3561 I'm attracted to Tabbies. 1.2184 0.05019 87 70 15 2
3562 I just haven't been myself lately. 1.2184 0.05019 87 70 15 2
3563 Just once I'd like to meow. 1.2184 0.05279 87 71 13 3
3564 So, how long have you been a masochist? 1.2184 0.05279 87 71 13 3
3565 The interesting thing is they both go to the same bird dentist. 1.2179 0.05366 78 63 13 2
3566 I was under the influence of catnip when I chased that car 1.2179 0.05668 78 64 11 3
3567 I don't like this dog-eat-dog world anymore. Everybody just bark. 1.2179 0.05668 78 64 11 3
3568 She said to him right in front of me, “The Jenkins have an adorable litter of puppies.” 1.2179 0.05046 78 62 15 1
3569 Lets start with your weaknesses" - ca 1.2179 0.05668 78 64 11 3
3570 I just don't have it in the bag. 1.2179 0.05954 78 65 9 4
3571 Yes but what if I’m a dog person 1.2179 0.05668 78 64 11 3
3572 So my boss asked me who’s the best boy …how was I supposed to know I should’ve said him” 1.2179 0.05668 78 64 11 3
3573 I can't stop myself to bring this f****** ball again and again when the human throws it away. What would you do about that, doctor ? 1.2179 0.04705 78 61 17 0
3574 Hang on - am I paying for these sessions in dog hours? 1.2174 0.05315 92 76 12 4
3575 This is the only place I feel comfortable talking about my felines." 1.2174 0.05086 92 75 14 3
3576 I love it here, Doc. It's the only place I'm allowed on the furniture. 1.2174 0.06149 69 57 9 3
3577 I had a dream that it was raining elephants and mice." 1.2174 0.06149 69 57 9 3
3578 A crate of my own is all I ask. I detect its previous use for ferrets and guinea pigs. 1.2174 0.05411 69 55 13 1
3579 I just don't feel you're supportive 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
3580 I identify as dog/cat, but I'm not getting the owner/staff support I need at home. 1.2174 0.05315 92 76 12 4
3581 Truth be told, my mother was a bitch. 1.2174 0.05411 69 55 13 1
3582 FAT CAT, UPTIGHT DOG 1.2174 0.05792 69 56 11 2
3583 All day long it’s ‘Stop whining, Rex!’ What am I supposed to dooooo? 1.2174 0.05747 92 78 8 6
3584 Sometimes your advice makes me feel like I'm a dog person and you're a cat person. 1.2174 0.05315 92 76 12 4
3585 It all started with fetch…but you wouldn’t understand. 1.2169 0.05156 83 67 14 2
3586 Don't be catty. Meow will I know her bark is worse than my bite? 1.2169 0.05434 83 68 12 3
3587 I'M NOT REALLY A CAT PERSON 1.2169 0.05434 83 68 12 3
3588 I'm just so dog-tired of my life...how do you do it nine times? 1.2169 0.05434 83 68 12 3
3589 I have heard of Acceptance Commitment Therapy (ACT), Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) but Cat Acceptance Therapy? Never! 1.2169 0.05698 83 69 10 4
3590 Sometimes I just don’t know who to trust. 1.2169 0.04863 83 66 16 1
3591 I've had a recurring nightmare, that a cat was about to attack me. 1.2169 0.04863 83 66 16 1
3592 I'm not sure you'll understand the part about wanting to be told you're a good boy. 1.2167 0.05867 60 48 11 1
3593 All my life, it's been my obsession, chasing after cars. But yesterday, when I finally caught one, I suddenly realized I had no idea what to do with it. 1.2167 0.06330 60 49 9 2
3594 I might be neurotic but the question remains is this all a farce? Aren't we supposed to be on four legs? Is this all a dream? 1.2165 0.04687 97 78 17 2
3595 Negative transference! You treat me like a dog. As soon as I get well I'll chase some of that feline insouciance right out of you! 1.2165 0.05719 97 83 7 7
3596 Would you more comfortable with a therapist of your own species? 1.2162 0.05858 74 61 10 3
3597 Please don't take this personally, but I hate you. 1.2162 0.05858 74 61 10 3
3598 You remind me of my father, actually. He left before I was born. 1.2162 0.05858 74 61 10 3
3599 When the cat catches a mouse, they celebrate, but when I brought a dead one home, they were outraged! 1.2162 0.06166 74 62 8 4
3600 Sometimes it feels like I'm too trusting of others. 1.2162 0.05188 74 59 14 1
3601 I feel like a cat trapped in a dog’s body. 1.2162 0.05533 74 60 12 2
3602 They’re called breasts and we all have them. 1.2162 0.06166 74 62 8 4
3603 So when are you doing throw the pencil therapy with me? 1.2162 0.05533 74 60 12 2
3604 The marital problems started with a discussion about kids, once I said, "Kaye, 9 is enough!" 1.2162 0.05858 74 61 10 3
3605 Doc, do you ever feel like an imposter in your own body? 1.2162 0.06166 74 62 8 4
3606 If I tell you my true feelings, you will scratch me. 1.2162 0.05188 74 59 14 1
3607 I’m a failure. They gave me a routine assignment, and I dropped the ball. 1.2162 0.05858 74 61 10 3
3608 It’s just that I wasn’t trying to be catty—not that there’s anything wrong with that! 1.2162 0.05533 74 60 12 2
3609 Well, yeah, I did, once, kill a cat. 1.2159 0.05469 88 73 11 4
3610 How do I advance my career working with a bunch of cat-lovers? 1.2159 0.04698 88 70 17 1
3611 And how did it make you feel when the cat got away? 1.2159 0.05225 88 72 13 3
3612 Doc, your biting remarks are unprofessional and so catty. 1.2159 0.04698 88 70 17 1
3613 Then, in the dream, I was a dog and you were a cat. 1.2159 0.05469 88 73 11 4
3614 It’s a dog eat dog world, Dr. Mittens, and I’ve lost my appetite. 1.2159 0.05469 88 73 11 4
3615 I feel like I'm barking up the wrong tree. 1.2159 0.05469 88 73 11 4
3616 He left to go to work, but he's been working at home for the past two years! Will he ever come back? 1.2159 0.05469 88 73 11 4
3617 Plus if she leaves me, I worry I won't land on my feet. 1.2157 0.04751 102 83 16 3
3618 Good boy, good boy... Boy I'm trapped 1.2157 0.04751 102 83 16 3
3619 Diagnosis: toxic codependency. Evidence: He let's them pick up his poop. 1.2157 0.04751 102 83 16 3
3620 I’m losing my innate instincts 1.2154 0.06390 65 54 8 3
3621 You'll never understand. This is my one life" 1.2154 0.06390 65 54 8 3
3622 This multi species society has got me in an endless turmoil doc. Deep in my dreams I’m only really happy when I’m chasing cars, treeing cats and savaging smaller dogs 1.2154 0.06002 65 53 10 2
3623 So then I told him 'i am not your best friend...not any kind of your friend.' It was at that moment a tsunami of desire to become a cat washed over me. 1.2154 0.06002 65 53 10 2
3624 I tend to trust those who don't have my best interests at heart 1.2154 0.05139 65 51 14 0
3625 My puppy love didn't click with her sex kitten. 1.2154 0.06390 65 54 8 3
3626 The problem is, in fact, that my owner is NOT in this room! 1.2154 0.06390 65 54 8 3
3627 I want you to help me be able to outsmart the other house pets. 1.2152 0.05305 79 64 13 2
3628 Just because I think I'm a Cat doesn't mean I'm barking Mad! 1.2152 0.04990 79 63 15 1
3629 I guess I just feel like I'm not 'a good boy' no matter how many times they say it. 1.2152 0.05305 79 64 13 2
3630 I keep seeing cats in my nightmares. 1.2152 0.05603 79 65 11 3
3631 You don't think I'm human? Woof. 1.2152 0.05603 79 65 11 3
3632 My owners make me feel so mousy. 1.2152 0.05603 79 65 11 3
3633 To make this work we will have to walk upright 1.2152 0.05603 79 65 11 3
3634 That sounds Ruff. Tell me meow,how did she know you started licking Norm’s butt again ? 1.2152 0.05603 79 65 11 3
3635 Rowwwr 1.2152 0.04990 79 63 15 1
3636 I just don't trust you 1.2152 0.04990 79 63 15 1
3637 Do you realize how long I’ve been in therapy in dog years? 1.2152 0.05603 79 65 11 3
3638 Should I be worried about my feelings of dog house inadequacy? 1.2152 0.05603 79 65 11 3
3639 Everyone keeps thinking I’m a contestant on ‘The Masked Singer’ 1.2151 0.04798 93 75 16 2
3640 It's always "Good Boy" or "Bad Dog." I'm having trouble seeing past the dichotomy and just being OK. 1.2151 0.05263 93 77 12 4
3641 ...and in my dream, you chased me up a tree. 1.2151 0.05036 93 76 14 3
3642 I' 'ide 'o 'alk about' i' bu' I 'hink you've go' my 'ounge. 1.2151 0.04798 93 75 16 2
3643 Is it possible that I care too much? 1.2151 0.04798 93 75 16 2
3644 You won’t repeat any of this within your community, right? 1.2151 0.05036 93 76 14 3
3645 I'm trying to follow your liter box suggestion, but I still have trouble when I walk past a fire hydrant. 1.2150 0.04793 107 88 15 4
3646 This will be easier than cat and mouse 1.2143 0.05101 84 68 14 2
3647 And then he said, "The maple-flavored kind." 1.2143 0.06068 70 58 9 3
3648 I think I’m depressed because it’s no longer politically correct to chase cats…. 1.2143 0.04812 84 67 16 1
3649 you say you have a phobia about wagging your tail ? 1.2143 0.04812 84 67 16 1
3650 So why do you feel you have to chase cats? 1.2143 0.04812 84 67 16 1
3651 Are you listening Doc? 1.2143 0.05077 98 81 13 4
3652 I just don’t feel like top dog, even if it’s what my title says. 1.2143 0.05475 98 83 9 6
3653 I think my bitch is cheating on me. 1.2143 0.05375 84 69 12 3
3654 Just draw on your experience to tell me what to do. 1.2143 0.06068 70 58 9 3
3655 And then this cat came up and hissed at me and . . . wait! 1.2143 0.05375 84 69 12 3
3656 My inner feline still wants to Woof. 1.2143 0.05101 84 68 14 2
3657 I’ve tried everything…can you prescribe some medicinal catnip? 1.2143 0.05101 84 68 14 2
3658 Are you PAWsitive I fall into that CATegory? 1.2143 0.04865 98 80 15 3
3659 I only suggested that Greenies come in more than one color. 1.2143 0.05475 98 83 9 6
3660 It feels like i’m going in circles trying to get something I can never catch 1.2143 0.05636 84 70 10 4
3661 So when you ate from the litterbox, did you feel you were trying to internalize me? 1.2143 0.06068 70 58 9 3
3662 My life has been both dull and troubled. If only there was an expression for it. 1.2135 0.05171 89 73 13 3
3663 Doctor, I keep having these intrusive impulses to chase you out the door, down the hall and up a tree 1.2135 0.05171 89 73 13 3
3664 It was dog-eat-dog out there. You wouldn’t understand 1.2135 0.05412 89 74 11 4
3665 So why do you think you're better than the rest of us? 1.2133 0.05467 75 61 12 2
3666 I'm afraid, Dr. Leonine, I believe that it is indeed a dog-eat-dog world 1.2133 0.05127 75 60 14 1
3667 I guess I just want to love somebody unconditionally - you know what I mean, right? 1.2133 0.05467 75 61 12 2
3668 Say that one more time... My ears just didn't perk up 1.2133 0.05467 75 61 12 2
3669 Your tail's not hurting you right now? 1.2133 0.05467 75 61 12 2
3670 Time's up already? But this is the only place where I'm allowed on the furniture. 1.2133 0.05467 75 61 12 2
3671 I just can’t get passed the fear that I’m in someone else’s spot. 1.2133 0.05127 75 60 14 1
3672 I keep having this desire to chase psychiatrists up trees. 1.2133 0.06090 75 63 8 4
3673 Ever since I had to lift my leg,I never liked litter boxes. 1.2133 0.04762 75 59 16 0
3674 But my feelings of inferiority really started when my baby brothers and sisters kept calling me "the runt". 1.2133 0.05127 75 60 14 1
3675 Why am I making a change? Because I found myself physically attracted to my last three therapists. 1.2133 0.05127 75 60 14 1
3676 I tried ignoring him like you suggested, but he's my master. 1.2133 0.05127 75 60 14 1
3677 I just can’t help feeling that everyone wants to pick a fight with me. 1.2133 0.05127 75 60 14 1
3678 Note to self, cats are purrrrr-fect. 1.2131 0.06659 61 51 7 3
3679 I've been experiencing Egyptian-god-style delusions from these SSRIs that you prescribed. 1.2128 0.04752 94 76 16 2
3680 It's an executive-eat-executive world out there. 1.2128 0.05212 94 78 12 4
3681 I’m just going through life without a bone - like I’m alive and dead at the same time. You ever feel that way, doc? 1.2128 0.04505 94 75 18 1
3682 Our work here is to hold the tension of the opposites. 1.2128 0.04987 94 77 14 3
3683 This motherfucker... 1.2125 0.05539 80 66 11 3
3684 If it ever gets out that I've availed myself of your services, my name will be ruined. 1.2125 0.05539 80 66 11 3
3685 I'm really going through it Dr. Katz. 1.2125 0.04934 80 64 15 1
3686 I thought that you agreed to treat me? 1.2125 0.05245 80 65 13 2
3687 Thanks, you’ve really helped with my self-con … SQUIRREL 1.2125 0.04934 80 64 15 1
3688 I've been thinking a lot about the Oedi-puss complex since our last session. 1.2125 0.05245 80 65 13 2
3689 The tone of your question gives me paws. 1.2125 0.06083 80 68 7 5
3690 Do you know rare it is to find a doc who is also a furry? 1.2125 0.05245 80 65 13 2
3691 And then I wake up, having never learned where the thrown ball went. 1.2125 0.04934 80 64 15 1
3692 If chasing your analyst up a tree is normal we still have some work to do 1.2125 0.05245 80 65 13 2
3693 Litter box users probably won't understand, but my urge to walk outside and mark every few feet is getting out of control. 1.2125 0.04934 80 64 15 1
3694 ...and, I don't know...sometimes I feel even you are barely tolerating me... 1.2125 0.05245 80 65 13 2
3695 I'm very sorry doc. It was after happy hour and I didn't realize that was you. 1.2125 0.05245 80 65 13 2
3696 Whenever I recount the nightmare in which I'm being chased by amorous female cats, it would help if you'd stop purring, "Sounds dreamy to me!" 1.2121 0.05424 99 84 9 6
3697 ...but you'll never understand because you're a cat! 1.2121 0.05071 66 52 14 0
3698 The other kids used to call me a dumb animal. Did that ever happen to you? 1.2121 0.04372 99 79 19 1
3699 Affirmative action did work after all. I mean, who would have thought that one day a cat could be a shrink- I'm just saying! 1.2121 0.06301 66 55 8 3
3700 Now, tell me your deepest, darkest fears... 1.2121 0.05919 66 54 10 2
3701 In my dream, I dug up that "locker room talk" was a tell. 1.2121 0.05919 66 54 10 2
3702 ‘I feel like I’m constantly chasing what I want and once I get it, I want to do it all over again. Why am I so unsatisfied?’ 1.2121 0.06660 66 56 6 4
3703 Why do you think I am having a difficult time opening up to you? 1.2118 0.05317 85 70 12 3
3704 Are you... snickering? 1.2118 0.05575 85 71 10 4
3705 Don't we all feel lost without stern guidance? 1.2118 0.04762 85 68 16 1
3706 And then he told me to "lay" but this is the only place I feel safe to do so. 1.2118 0.05047 85 69 14 2
3707 It's just that you cats think we are inferior creatures. 1.2118 0.05047 85 69 14 2
3708 I chose you as my therapist because I just can’t deal with the ‘dog eat dog world’ anymore. 1.2118 0.04762 85 68 16 1
3709 And as we boarded our flight to Cabo, I felt like everyone was staring suspiciously at my emotional support human, Skipper 1.2118 0.05317 85 70 12 3
3710 How can I be sure I can trust you with my innermost secrets? 1.2118 0.04762 85 68 16 1
3711 I wouldn’t say she was emasculating but she sure was a real bitch. 1.2118 0.05047 85 69 14 2
3712 Why does the dog always have to take the cat? Why not a chicken instead? 1.2118 0.05047 85 69 14 2
3713 Cataplexy, catalogia, cataphasia, catalepsy — I think my illnesses are trying to tell me something, but I can't figure out what it is. 1.2118 0.05047 85 69 14 2
3714 I keep having this irresistible urge to pee inside the house - I mean, that’s crazy, right? 1.2118 0.05575 85 71 10 4
3715 Oh, sorry. Are shoes allowed on the chaise? 1.2118 0.05047 85 69 14 2
3716 I feel like ever since I'm seeing you it's just one cat-ass-trophy after another 1.2115 0.04668 104 85 16 3
3717 Sometimes a cat is just a cat. 1.2113 0.05644 71 58 11 2
3718 In my nightmare, he asks me, "Who's a good boy?", but then he says Dr. Katz. 1.2113 0.05644 71 58 11 2
3719 Why doesn't anyone ask "how's a good boy?" 1.2113 0.06317 71 60 7 4
3720 My owner is a cat person. How can I become less of a people pleaser? 1.2113 0.05644 71 58 11 2
3721 I've lost my urge to pee on poles. 1.2113 0.05990 71 59 9 3
3722 Is the rat race really worth it? 1.2113 0.05644 71 58 11 2
3723 I have a great fear of grimalkins 1.2113 0.06628 71 61 5 5
3724 Why do you ask? It reminds me of being leashed, heeling properly and taking a long, leisurely walk with my owner. So I just love wearing a tie. Don't you? 1.2113 0.04879 71 56 15 0
3725 Let's dig deeper into this need to please. 1.2113 0.05275 71 57 13 1
3726 I get the feeling you’re not really listening to me… 1.2113 0.05644 71 58 11 2
3727 I dunno Dr Boots. I’m just afraid to go outside when it rains. 1.2111 0.04869 90 73 15 2
3728 I would say I am a little preoccupied with how you hold that pencil. 1.2111 0.04869 90 73 15 2
3729 So, let me get this straight - your'e upset because humans fail to judge you on how fast you can move your tail during the adoption interview? 1.2111 0.05119 90 74 13 3
3730 I will write your 'WILL', but how much money do you have? 1.2111 0.04869 90 73 15 2
3731 Lately, Doc, am feeling a primal empathy with mice. 1.2111 0.05585 90 76 9 5
3732 Well, I'd say definitely dogs because you never know when cats will turn against you. 1.2111 0.05119 90 74 13 3
3733 How are you always able to "think" inside the box? 1.2111 0.05357 90 75 11 4
3734 I know you are trying to help, but you REALLY do not understand 1.2111 0.04605 90 72 17 1
3735 And I think I'm paranoid and delusional. I think I'm seeing cats everywhere 1.2111 0.04869 90 73 15 2
3736 Doc the dream always starts the same, I try but I just can’t catch my tail. 1.2111 0.04869 90 73 15 2
3737 I keep having this dream in which the whole world has gone to the dogs... 1.2105 0.05067 76 61 14 1
3738 I ended it when I realized we got along like cats and dogs. 1.2105 0.05717 76 63 10 3
3739 I hate cats. 1.2105 0.05717 76 63 10 3
3740 I deeply regret chasing cats 1.2105 0.05717 76 63 10 3
3741 I'm afraid I must side with your wife on that. 1.2105 0.04708 76 60 16 0
3742 I dreamed that during a team-building meeting I barked. 1.2105 0.05067 76 61 14 1
3743 Purrrrfect. 1.2105 0.05067 76 61 14 1
3744 I just wish you’d stop telling me keep my claws in. 1.2105 0.05717 76 63 10 3
3745 I was raised by cats and now I am man's worst friend. 1.2105 0.05374 95 80 10 5
3746 Every time it rains I don’t know if I am a cat or a dog. 1.2105 0.05717 76 63 10 3
3747 I don't know why -- I just feel sometimes like we're not communicating. 1.2105 0.05717 76 63 10 3
3748 I think my owner knows I'm seeing his other leg. 1.2105 0.05717 76 63 10 3
3749 - “Man’s best friend “ really - you’d think I’d be lying here if that were the case…. 1.2105 0.04708 76 60 16 0
3750 I don’t know doctor, lately it’s just been pretty rrrruuuuuffff 1.2105 0.05717 76 63 10 3
3751 apparently that's a long long story regarding the color of my fur 1.2105 0.05402 76 62 12 2
3752 I'm tired of this world. Yeah, me too cat...but you cats are still cooler! 1.2105 0.05067 76 61 14 1
3753 I can't stop thinking about chasing rabbits. 1.2100 0.04777 100 82 15 3
3754 The stress of a canine to five is really getting to me 1.2100 0.04984 100 83 13 4
3755 And that's when I learned: nice guys finish last, but good boys never finish 1.2099 0.05187 81 66 13 2
3756 Why do I always feel you're looking down on me? 1.2099 0.05187 81 66 13 2
3757 You realize that the absurd complexities of our relationship has made me forget why I came here in the first place? 1.2099 0.06013 81 69 7 5
3758 I sniff poodle's butts, not that there's anything wrong with that. 1.2099 0.05187 81 66 13 2
3759 You cats don’t know how it is to work like a dog 1.2099 0.05476 81 67 11 3
3760 I'm am so scared that the Republicans will control congress and outlaw any more trans-species surgery. 1.2099 0.05187 81 66 13 2
3761 I wish I had nine lives so I could be good at video games.” R.Weingast New York, N.Y. 1.2099 0.05476 81 67 11 3
3762 I'm telling you I saw him throw the ball 1.2099 0.05476 81 67 11 3
3763 I never intended to hurt that cat,but she scratched me anyway! 1.2099 0.05476 81 67 11 3
3764 Sometimes I wish he wasn’t my master. 1.2099 0.04880 81 65 15 1
3765 I’m so unmotivated these days. I find myself either sleeping or chasing my tail all day long. 1.2099 0.04880 81 65 15 1
3766 ...And I keep hearing this purring noise in my head. 1.2099 0.05187 81 66 13 2
3767 I can't help feeling that you're trying to suggest that it's my fault. 1.2099 0.04880 81 65 15 1
3768 I keep having this dream where I'm in the Broadway show "Cats." 1.2097 0.05212 62 49 13 0
3769 Don't tell me that the cat got your tongue 1.2097 0.06951 62 53 5 4
3770 I'm afraid I'm an introvert too. 1.2093 0.04994 86 70 14 2
3771 I keep having nightmares about being cornered by cats. 1.2093 0.05261 86 71 12 3
3772 I'm no longer excited chasing balls, sticks and frisbees. Now, I get more excited by the female cats at work. 1.2093 0.04994 86 70 14 2
3773 I know I should embrace diversity, but I am drawn to canines. 1.2093 0.04712 86 69 16 1
3774 How can I get my tongue back Doc? 1.2093 0.05990 86 74 6 6
3775 No one takes the professional dress code seriously, anymore. 1.2093 0.05261 86 71 12 3
3776 Now that the cat's out of the bag, how does that make you feel? 1.2093 0.04994 86 70 14 2
3777 When you gain a little more confidence we can switch masks. 1.2093 0.05261 86 71 12 3
3778 I keep having this dream where I'm chasing a cat who looks just like you. 1.2093 0.05261 86 71 12 3
3779 Pavlov was a monster. Even in this environment I’m getting the urge. 1.2093 0.05515 86 72 10 4
3780 Nothing distracts me anymore. 1.2090 0.05839 67 55 10 2
3781 When all my friends were saying "woof", I kept saying "meow". 1.2090 0.06568 67 57 6 4
3782 That's it! Cats rule. 1.2090 0.05438 67 54 12 1
3783 We used to be man's best friend, then cat cuteness seeped into our cultural consciousness, and now it's just another tragedy every bit as bad as global warming. 1.2090 0.05839 67 55 10 2
3784 I just want to feel better, I don't need to be purr...fect. 1.2090 0.06214 67 56 8 3
3785 I cannot live with all that barking. 1.2090 0.05438 67 54 12 1
3786 I’m telling you, Doc. I see cats everywhere! 1.2090 0.05839 67 55 10 2
3787 My big problem is that my analyst hates me. 1.2088 0.05303 91 76 11 4
3788 I'm distressed by the feeling that I'm not fulfilling my role in life. 1.2088 0.04560 91 73 17 1
3789 It's just no fun chasing cats any more. 1.2088 0.04821 91 74 15 2
3790 Do you ever feel like you are trapped in an alternate universe? 1.2088 0.05303 91 76 11 4
3791 Only those different from me understand me. 1.2088 0.05745 91 78 7 6
3792 I like coming here, doc. Humans keep telling me to get off the couch. 1.2088 0.05068 91 75 13 3
3793 They repeat it to the point I actually start to wonder. Am I really a good boy?” 1.2088 0.04821 91 74 15 2
3794 You’ve been a big help. Sorry I was antagonistic during our first few sessions. 1.2088 0.04560 91 73 17 1
3795 Suddenly, I am not a good boy anymore” 1.2088 0.04560 91 73 17 1
3796 I’m not gonna lie, I guess I was hoping for a catnip prescription. 1.2083 0.05573 72 59 11 2
3797 I'm not here to argue with you. 1.2083 0.04663 96 78 16 2
3798 Why isn't it ever a cat eat cat world? 1.2083 0.05913 72 60 9 3
3799 Lately, I haven't felt like chasing anything. 1.2083 0.04820 72 57 15 0
3800 Heck, I'd even eat yours! Even if it had some cat litter on it. 1.2083 0.05913 72 60 9 3
3801 How am I supposed to 'claw my way to the top' when I don't even know what that means? 1.2083 0.04893 96 79 14 3
3802 Somehow I've gotten this feeling that we are not a good match. 1.2083 0.05322 96 81 10 5
3803 And how do you feel about cat? 1.2083 0.05573 72 59 11 2
3804 We had to chase them - especially the smug ones with the pointy ears. 1.2083 0.05210 72 58 13 1
3805 How many lives? 1.2083 0.05573 72 59 11 2
3806 I'm sorry, this just isn't working for me, and I forgot our safe word. 1.2078 0.05338 77 63 12 2
3807 They tell me I’m dogged—but who cares about that? 1.2078 0.05649 77 64 10 3
3808 I'm scared of being replaced by a robot. 1.2078 0.05649 77 64 10 3
3809 I try to be curious like you are,but I usually just stick my nose in someone’s butt. 1.2078 0.05649 77 64 10 3
3810 I told my family I want to be a trans-cat but they all think I am pulling their tails. 1.2078 0.05008 77 62 14 1
3811 I just don't get why it always has to be a dog-eat-dog world. 1.2078 0.04654 77 61 16 0
3812 The cat’s out of the bag. 1.2078 0.05649 77 64 10 3
3813 You know Doc, it sure took a lot of chasing to get this appointment! 1.2078 0.04654 77 61 16 0
3814 Help me understand, you feel crushed by the weight of his friendship? 1.2078 0.05008 77 62 14 1
3815 I miss the thrill of the chase. 1.2078 0.05649 77 64 10 3
3816 So help me understand why you like eating pussy so much? 1.2078 0.05649 77 64 10 3
3817 I don't mean to be dismissive, but I really do think I need a Jewish analyst. 1.2078 0.05649 77 64 10 3
3818 Can't you just write me a script for some Catnip? 1.2073 0.05129 82 67 13 2
3819 I’m tired of having to be a phony as ‘man’s best friend!’ I want to go back to my wild days ! 1.2073 0.04827 82 66 15 1
3820 Ok, so you say I should chase you around the office? 1.2073 0.05129 82 67 13 2
3821 That’s when I realized my dog breeding business had become my life. 1.2073 0.05686 82 69 9 4
3822 Then I scratched the guy's face and went home and had a bowl of milk. So is that wrong of me? 1.2073 0.05415 82 68 11 3
3823 Even Cesar Milan warned me about Fifi…. 1.2073 0.04827 82 66 15 1
3824 I suspect a catatonic transference 1.2073 0.05129 82 67 13 2
3825 It's that cat, man. 1.2073 0.05415 82 68 11 3
3826 I don't know. You probably see things differently, but for me, the pressure is just too much. I mean it's dog eat dog out there! 1.2073 0.04827 82 66 15 1
3827 They said I had to, but I never wanted to chase cats. And I'm not just saying that. 1.2073 0.04504 82 65 17 0
3828 Doctor, Maybe you can help me to stop chasing cats. 1.2073 0.05129 82 67 13 2
3829 I keep having this terrible dream that I'm visiting my shrink and he's human. 1.2073 0.05686 82 69 9 4
3830 I'm not sure if you get where I'm coming from. 1.2073 0.04827 82 66 15 1
3831 I don't want to be a good boy anymore, Doc. I want to be a cat. 1.2073 0.05415 82 68 11 3
3832 Every time I become self-centered, my conscience complains. Me. Ow. 1.2073 0.05686 82 69 9 4
3833 I have these spontaneous moments of aggression that make me bark raving mad. 1.2073 0.05129 82 67 13 2
3834 It's been a rough day. 1.2073 0.05686 82 69 9 4
3835 When I saw my human wearing that funny pink hat, Dr. Katz—you know, that one with the pointy ears?—I, I … Doc, I was really scared! 1.2073 0.05415 82 68 11 3
3836 Sometimes, without any reason, I feel that I confide in those who may not have my welfare at heart. 1.2073 0.05415 82 68 11 3
3837 I don’t know, Doc…all I crave is tuna, I’ve clawed every hamper in the house, I sleep twenty hours a day and I have an uncontrollable urge to pounce on my neighbor…what’s happening to me?! 1.2073 0.04827 82 66 15 1
3838 I had this dream that I was with you and we were reigning. 1.2069 0.05206 87 72 12 3
3839 I can't help myself from shredding the days office mail. 1.2069 0.04942 87 71 14 2
3840 Hey, I never asked to be 'man's best friend'. 1.2069 0.04368 87 69 18 0
3841 Dog says, "I just love it when they rub my belly." Cat thinks, "I just hate it when they rub my belly." 1.2069 0.04942 87 71 14 2
3842 They left over five minutes ago, I think it’s time to start panicking. 1.2069 0.04664 87 70 16 1
3843 So then I said, WOOF, and she said, bark bark. What does it mean??? 1.2069 0.04942 87 71 14 2
3844 I don't care if cats meow 1.2065 0.05017 92 76 13 3
3845 Life's been ruff let me tell you. 1.2065 0.04773 92 75 15 2
3846 All those tricks torment me. How can I learn to be aloof? 1.2065 0.05017 92 76 13 3
3847 Do you know what it feels like to not care about someone? 1.2063 0.06054 63 52 9 2
3848 I think my master’s cat is his best friend. 1.2063 0.06463 63 53 7 3
3849 I guess you are curious why I keep coming back to lie on this couch. 1.2062 0.05271 97 82 10 5
3850 She called me a mutt, and said I had no class. What would you think about a face lift for me? 1.2062 0.04129 97 77 20 0
3851 I mean, I know it's only my compulsive need for validation ... right? Right? 1.2059 0.06478 68 58 6 4
3852 I think my problem is that I like sticks and you like carrots. 1.2059 0.05366 68 55 12 1
3853 Actually, my problem started when I was a puppy. I always wanted to be the person holding the leash. 1.2059 0.05366 68 55 12 1
3854 If all doctors require their patients to wear neckties, why don't you wear one? 1.2055 0.05503 73 60 11 2
3855 I think you agree they should classify babies in the "bully" category because they like to pull our tails and bite our ears 1.2055 0.05839 73 61 9 3
3856 Inscrutible - Redux. 1.2055 0.05146 73 59 13 1
3857 So you think this craven, sniveling obeisance endears you to Master? 1.2055 0.05146 73 59 13 1
3858 Oh,did I say that out loud? I was only meant to think it. 1.2055 0.05503 73 60 11 2
3859 You should know that I'm not one to pussyfoot around a problem. 1.2055 0.05503 73 60 11 2
3860 I grew up with a family of cat lovers where I was the only dog in the house. My wife just doesn't get what that means. 1.2055 0.05146 73 59 13 1
3861 So, it started with a cute little mouse who set up shop in a corner of my doghouse and had babies. Then, a nice rat did the same in the other corner...such sweet little ones. And....wait, have you heard a word I said? 1.2055 0.05503 73 60 11 2
3862 Sorry, I was playing with this loose string on my pant leg.what did you say? 1.2055 0.05146 73 59 13 1
3863 I kept telling him "The Mastiff and Margherita", but he wouldn't listen... 1.2055 0.05839 73 61 9 3
3864 The analyst is always on YOUR side, so I'd heard. 1.2055 0.05146 73 59 13 1
3865 But I DO trust you. I just can't shake the feeling that you don't trust me . . . 1.2055 0.05146 73 59 13 1
3866 How can I get in touch with my inner cat again? 1.2055 0.06156 73 62 7 4
3867 So what I’m hearing is, you throw the stick and they bring it back? 1.2055 0.05839 73 61 9 3
3868 The only way we can understand your outside dog is by first examining your inside dog 1.2055 0.05839 73 61 9 3
3869 I see… And what about when it rains? 1.2051 0.04950 78 63 14 1
3870 So I've been having this awful dream that you're a cat. 1.2051 0.04950 78 63 14 1
3871 I think I would feel a lot better if I just chased your sorrow cat ass out of here. 1.2051 0.05276 78 64 12 2
3872 I must always obey. But at what cost? 1.2051 0.05583 78 65 10 3
3873 It’s a bull and bear atmosphere.” 1.2051 0.04629 117 98 14 5
3874 Is this (meow) what they mean (purr) when you say trans(hiss)ference? 1.2051 0.04602 78 62 16 0
3875 Is it okay if I pay you in kitty litter? 1.2051 0.05276 78 64 12 2
3876 Hmmm… was this cat in question, in a position of power over you back then? 1.2051 0.05873 78 66 8 4
3877 I purr sometimes. I’m mean, is that normal? 1.2051 0.05873 78 66 8 4
3878 And why didn't your father think you were a good boy? 1.2051 0.05276 78 64 12 2
3879 I keep dreaming of torrents of rain and I can't bark and can only purr. 1.2051 0.05583 78 65 10 3
3880 I'm afraid I'm having a relapse. I dreamed I was allergic and had scratches on my nose, so I went out and bought a laser pointer and a spray bottle. 1.2051 0.05276 78 64 12 2
3881 I’ve always had a love hate relationship with your kind” 1.2051 0.05583 78 65 10 3
3882 I form strong attachments way too easily. Can you help me with that? 1.2051 0.05276 78 64 12 2
3883 I just can't handle the urge when I see fire hydrants--especially the red ones 1.2051 0.04950 78 63 14 1
3884 I got 99 problems and a bitch ain't one. 1.2051 0.04950 78 63 14 1
3885 In your darkest moments, try following the light. 1.2051 0.05276 78 64 12 2
3886 My job is not to judge your behavior, but you are kind of a dog. 1.2048 0.05073 83 68 13 2
3887 I keep having this dream where cats have taken over. 1.2048 0.05355 83 69 11 3
3888 I’m afraid that in another 20 years, I won’t be able to retire. 1.2048 0.05355 83 69 11 3
3889 Doctor - wherever I look it is the same thing- I thought I saw a puddy cat! 1.2048 0.05073 83 68 13 2
3890 Doctor, at last, your time's up! 1.2048 0.05355 83 69 11 3
3891 Your master needs to come to meet me. 1.2048 0.05355 83 69 11 3
3892 I just feel like, I'm getting sent up into space, and here you are in Schrödinger's box. And who gets the treat in the end Doc? 1.2048 0.04775 83 67 15 1
3893 It’s a dog eats dog world, you wouldn’t understand 1.2048 0.04457 83 66 17 0
3894 I just don't feel the empathy. 1.2045 0.04891 88 72 14 2
3895 I just wish I was the cat’s meow! 1.2045 0.05152 88 73 12 3
3896 I feel like you are always judging me. 1.2045 0.05152 88 73 12 3
3897 Just another dog day afternoon. 1.2045 0.04617 88 71 16 1
3898 I'm trying to change but there are some things I just can't control . 1.2045 0.04617 88 71 16 1
3899 I now believe that human divisiveness has surpassed ours.” 1.2043 0.04473 93 75 17 1
3900 Why is a cat analyzing a dog? 1.2043 0.04968 93 77 13 3
3901 I tried to tell the judge that I'm not a dog, but he said he wouldn't fall for that one again. 1.2043 0.05198 93 78 11 4
3902 What do you mean, have I thought about killing myself? 1.2041 0.04802 98 81 14 3
3903 Doc, It’s dog eat dog out there. 1.2041 0.04577 98 80 16 2
3904 I'm not sure I'm ready to you about my gatophobia. 1.2034 0.06743 59 50 6 3
3905 Dog “I’m still in shock.I was extremely loyal and we were best friends “ Cat “ Its time you take back your power and start living for yourself.” 1.2034 0.07163 59 51 4 4
3906 It started raining and here we are. 1.2031 0.05537 64 52 11 1
3907 I’m having relationship problems with my owner 1.2031 0.05968 64 53 9 2
3908 I am afraid to go out on my own and find my own food. 1.2031 0.05537 64 52 11 1
3909 I just have no desire to fetch the ball anymore 1.2031 0.05537 64 52 11 1
3910 It's a pervading sense that I'm at death's doggy door. 1.2029 0.06047 69 58 8 3
3911 It’s usually quite solemn here, doctor. The Halloween rule makes me feel a little silly. 1.2029 0.05684 69 57 10 2
3912 Doggonit, arfff we finished with role playing yet? 1.2029 0.05684 69 57 10 2
3913 Are you proud of your bark? 1.2029 0.04877 69 55 14 0
3914 Yeah, she does sound like a bitch. 1.2029 0.05684 69 57 10 2
3915 I think my mother was a cat person. 1.2027 0.05083 74 60 13 1
3916 Does the transference always have to be correct? 1.2027 0.06079 74 63 7 4
3917 And they told me I can only live once 1.2027 0.05435 74 61 11 2
3918 It’s this debilitating feeling that cats are becoming authority figures in my life. 1.2027 0.05435 74 61 11 2
3919 I hope you won't think bad of me, but I want to get up and chase you around the room. 1.2027 0.05435 74 61 11 2
3920 Maybe you really should consider killing yourself. 1.2027 0.05766 74 62 9 3
3921 So, how long have you wanted to become a cat? 1.2027 0.05435 74 61 11 2
3922 I just don’t think this is working. We’re like cats and dogs in our views of the world. 1.2027 0.05766 74 62 9 3
3923 Doc, I know you’re trying to help but I hv to break this habit of chasing cats by myself 1.2027 0.05083 74 60 13 1
3924 All I've really wanted was to be in the catbird seat. 1.2027 0.05435 74 61 11 2
3925 I want to learn how to ignore my emotions. 1.2025 0.05804 79 67 8 4
3926 I’m a cat trapped in a dog’s body 1.2025 0.04550 79 63 16 0
3927 Doc, I’m Sandy. I use she/him pronouns. 1.2025 0.05804 79 67 8 4
3928 I have major attachment issues, with your help I hope I can learn to easily detach 1.2025 0.05215 79 65 12 2
3929 I’m just dog tired. Something you probably wouldn’t understand. 1.2025 0.04894 79 64 14 1
3930 Sometimes I feel like an imposter, like I'm not a 'good boy' at all. 1.2025 0.04894 79 64 14 1
3931 Can’t shake this feeling that no one has my best interest at heart. 1.2025 0.05518 79 66 10 3
3932 How can I stop being so needy? 1.2025 0.04894 79 64 14 1
3933 Your owner being a vet is not what you think. 1.2025 0.05215 79 65 12 2
3934 Strangely I am starting to like cats. 1.2025 0.05804 79 67 8 4
3935 I mean why did it have to be "best" friend, couldn't it just be good friend or acquaintance or just friend maybe. 1.2025 0.04894 79 64 14 1
3936 Interesting…have you tried scratching the furniture? 1.2025 0.05215 79 65 12 2
3937 Now talk about your problems trying to differentiate between your dog and God complex 1.2025 0.04894 79 64 14 1
3938 Cats? Dogs? Really makes no difference in the grand scheme of things. Now neckties? That's important. 1.2024 0.04724 84 68 15 1
3939 No one ever asks, 'How's a good boy?' 1.2024 0.05019 84 69 13 2
3940 Am I a failure as a dog because I don't need to pee higher on a bush or chase cats??? 1.2024 0.05019 84 69 13 2
3941 But he only said I was a good boy once today! 1.2024 0.05561 84 71 9 4
3942 I never get to lay on the furniture at home 1.2024 0.05019 84 69 13 2
3943 And then he took the wheel and demanded I take him to the Capitol. 1.2024 0.05297 84 70 11 3
3944 Mouse got your tongue? 1.2024 0.05561 84 71 9 4
3945 Yes, I know we talked about this last week, but I still don't know what I'm supposed to do if I catch the car. 1.2024 0.04724 84 68 15 1
3946 I think BetterHelp might be a better option for you... 1.2024 0.05297 84 70 11 3
3947 And where do you think this emotional neediness comes from…? 1.2024 0.05297 84 70 11 3
3948 Are you actually listening? 1.2021 0.04430 94 76 17 1
3949 I know you think I'm whining, Dr. Katz, but the doggone truth is your rates are catastrophic. 1.2021 0.04920 94 78 13 3
3950 And how are you feeling, meow? 1.2000 0.04965 85 70 13 2
3951 She keeps talking about "doing it kitty style" and I don't understand. 1.2000 0.04965 85 70 13 2
3952 I keep having nightmares about cartoons like this. 1.2000 0.05156 80 66 12 2
3953 You're just pretending to care aren't you? You're just daydreaming about that...hello, hello??? 1.2000 0.05156 80 66 12 2
3954 I just can't handle all this 'dog eat dog' pressure at work. You know what I mean? 1.2000 0.05156 80 66 12 2
3955 Just deep, deep guilt. 1.2000 0.05022 75 61 13 1
3956 ‘Animal Crackers ‘ 1.2000 0.04965 85 70 13 2
3957 If I hear "Do you wanna go outside?" even one more time, I swear... 1.2000 0.05022 75 61 13 1
3958 You are playing cats and dogs with me! 1.2000 0.05156 80 66 12 2
3959 Paranoid? Me? 1.2000 0.04650 75 60 15 0
3960 All this talk of “dog person, cat person.” And then when they actually meet one, I’m “disturbing.” 1.2000 0.05228 70 57 12 1
3961 Am I misinterpreting your hissing as hostile rather than affirmative? 1.2000 0.05097 95 80 11 4
3962 Am I barking up the wrong tree, doc? 1.2000 0.05156 80 66 12 2
3963 I need to stop chasing cats, can you help me? 1.2000 0.04674 85 69 15 1
3964 Lately I've been plagued by this feeling I was born into the wrong species." 1.2000 0.05454 80 67 10 3
3965 Everyone hates me. 1.2000 0.05460 65 53 11 1
3966 So, the cat was chasing you? 1.2000 0.05022 75 61 13 1
3967 So I eat my own turds because I’m afraid of intimacy. And I eat your turds because I want to feel an emotional connection. But what I really want is a rationale to eat a people turd 1.2000 0.05967 70 59 8 3
3968 My mother thought that a feline perspective would help me release my deep inner thoughts 1.2000 0.05967 70 59 8 3
3969 Have you always identified as an alley cat? 1.2000 0.04650 75 60 15 0
3970 Tell me about your puppyhood. 1.2000 0.04126 95 76 19 0
3971 Have you considered instead of being a little bitch, being a giant pussy? 1.2000 0.05737 80 68 8 4
3972 These days I'm all bark and no bite...and I really miss the bite part. 1.2000 0.05022 75 61 13 1
3973 I can't help it, Doc, I just want to mew all the time! 1.2000 0.05369 75 62 11 2
3974 My owners are crazy! I mean, why would you feed your pet dead rodents? 1.2000 0.04525 90 73 16 1
3975 Did you say, "tree associate?" 1.2000 0.04650 75 60 15 0
3976 You're too needy. 1.2000 0.05454 80 67 10 3
3977 I followed your advice and gave up the chase. 1.2000 0.05022 75 61 13 1
3978 Sometimes it feels like nobody really understands me . . . even you, Doc! 1.2000 0.05156 80 66 12 2
3979 Sorry... I've been pussyfooting around. 1.2000 0.05047 90 75 12 3
3980 I feel pretty, oh so pretty! 1.2000 0.04839 80 65 14 1
3981 I know this is inappropriate - but I have the urge to play fetch with you. 1.2000 0.04965 85 70 13 2
3982 I thought she was just going out with the girls every night until her litter arrived, and it was a proverbial dog’s breakfast of puppies. 1.2000 0.05228 70 57 12 1
3983 That's easy for you to say. No one calls it a cat-eat-cat world, do they? 1.2000 0.04965 85 70 13 2
3984 I’m totally relaxed and you’re totally tight. That explains it all. Switch places? 1.2000 0.04815 70 56 14 0
3985 That dog-eat-dog world out there is making me catatonic... 1.2000 0.05883 65 54 9 2
3986 My Veterinarian assured me you would be impartial 1.2000 0.05460 65 53 11 1
3987 i keep having this dream where no matter how fast i run i can never catch the tail. what does do you think that means? 1.2000 0.05156 80 66 12 2
3988 So how did you come to be known as the cat's meow as a child? 1.2000 0.04965 85 70 13 2
3989 I just always feel like a cat’s got my tongue.” 1.2000 0.04650 75 60 15 0
3990 I feel like I'm just a mere plaything. Would you like to see some of my tricks before we start? 1.2000 0.05239 85 71 11 3
3991 Snoopy couldn't bark either. 1.2000 0.05519 90 77 8 5
3992 Felines get so emotional we end up fighting all the time 1.2000 0.05695 75 63 9 3
3993 Everyone calls me a pussy cat. 1.2000 0.05610 70 58 10 2
3994 The one time that I actually caught the car, it became altogether too clear that there simply was nothing at all left to be done! 1.2000 0.05156 80 66 12 2
3995 I'm tired of the rat race, but I don't know what else to do. Any suggestions doc? 1.2000 0.04500 80 64 16 0
3996 I know it sounds crazy, but I have this overwhelming urge to chase you around the room! 1.2000 0.05156 80 66 12 2
3997 Omg, if I hear “They left me alone for hours”, one more time… 1.2000 0.04525 90 73 16 1
3998 HEY! Who you calling catatonic, anyway?!? 1.2000 0.05022 75 61 13 1
3999 I'm worried about the cost of cat litter for my little kitty. 1.2000 0.05695 75 63 9 3
4000 Hearing "Good Boy" just isn't enough anymore. 1.2000 0.04364 85 68 17 0
4001 As a true independent, please address my GOP Lap Dog Syndrome. I can only bark at Trump in secret. 1.2000 0.05610 70 58 10 2
4002 I’m here because all the other therapists were dogs.kkii 1.2000 0.05610 70 58 10 2
4003 I can't control panting and wagging my tail for affection 1.2000 0.04674 85 69 15 1
4004 Does that mean I'm Co-dependant? 1.2000 0.05156 80 66 12 2
4005 Am I supposed to pretend that I don’t want to bark and chase you? 1.2000 0.04674 85 69 15 1
4006 …it’s my cubicle, I can’t stand the thought of going to work anymore. Who in their right mind would want to pack themselves into a tiny box? 1.2000 0.04674 85 69 15 1
4007 And in this dream, I’m just running. 1.2000 0.05228 70 57 12 1
4008 Is it too much to ask that you be my comfort cat?" 1.2000 0.04674 85 69 15 1
4009 I don’t think this working for me! 1.2000 0.04674 85 69 15 1
4010 Of course I'm insecure! It's always, 'Who's a good boy?, Who's a good boy?' 1.2000 0.05047 90 75 12 3
4011 I think my anxiety started when we all began to wear human clothes. 1.2000 0.05239 85 71 11 3
4012 Ugh, I never thought I be role playing with you!! 1.2000 0.05454 80 67 10 3
4013 I'll be honest Doc, I figured therapy with you was going to be a huge fight. 1.2000 0.05156 80 66 12 2
4014 It’s just raining heavily, there is nothing to worry about 1.2000 0.05097 95 80 11 4
4015 „How does co-dependence feel for you?“ 1.2000 0.05022 75 61 13 1
4016 So I’ve heard about this new thing called ketamine therapy—would you know anything about that? 1.2000 0.05610 70 58 10 2
4017 Bannon was convicted. Nothing you can do about it. 1.1979 0.04348 96 78 17 1
4018 Sometimes I just get so tired of the chase- you know? 1.1978 0.04480 91 74 16 1
4019 Can’t we just make love like normal for once? Or at least lose the costumes? This fantasy of yours is just too much for me. 1.1978 0.04199 91 73 18 0
4020 So we were just watching the Westminster Show . . . 1.1977 0.04625 86 70 15 1
4021 Have you tried knocking some glasses over? Always gets me the attention I need 1.1977 0.04912 86 71 13 2
4022 We live in a dog eat dog world... 1.1977 0.04912 86 71 13 2
4023 Bow-wow-wow-wow-wow. Bow-wow; grrrr…ruff-ruff?? Bow-wow…. 1.1977 0.04912 86 71 13 2
4024 'who's lazy now' 1.1977 0.05183 86 72 11 3
4025 Cats don’t listen. Unless they’re getting paid. 1.1975 0.05098 81 67 12 2
4026 I can't imagine going through nine mid-life crises when I can't handle one. 1.1975 0.04785 81 66 14 1
4027 Yes, I know it's strange. But " fighting like cats and dogs" therapy keeps it from feeling too personal. 1.1975 0.05392 81 68 10 3
4028 I’ve been old that our inferiority complex dates all the way back to ancient Egypt. 1.1975 0.04785 81 66 14 1
4029 Why should I trust you , of all cats? 1.1975 0.04451 81 65 16 0
4030 To bark or not to bark, that’s the bark. 1.1975 0.05098 81 67 12 2
4031 Therapy pets 1.1975 0.04451 81 65 16 0
4032 I thought it was just a toy, but its tail started moving. 1.1975 0.05392 81 68 10 3
4033 I grew up poor but I didn't even know what 'litter' meant until you explained it to me. 1.1975 0.05392 81 68 10 3
4034 I am just not a "People" persom .... 1.1975 0.05392 81 68 10 3
4035 I'm not sure if I should face you or chase you. 1.1975 0.04785 81 66 14 1
4036 My best friend left me for a cat lady. 1.1975 0.05098 81 67 12 2
4037 I’m in love with my next door neighbor’s cat. I think she loves me too. It will never work out because they summer in the Hamptons and we spend our summers in Martha’s Vineyard. 1.1975 0.05392 81 68 10 3
4038 I just don't have any fight left in me, you know? 1.1974 0.04963 76 62 13 1
4039 I had a dream last night that I only have one life. 1.1974 0.05305 76 63 11 2
4040 If I cared more, would you care a little bit? 1.1974 0.05626 76 64 9 3
4041 “I did poopie in the house today.” 1.1974 0.04963 76 62 13 1
4042 No offense. but I hate cats! 1.1974 0.05305 76 63 11 2
4043 And then she met this cat... 1.1974 0.05305 76 63 11 2
4044 And the pups fight like gnats and frogs. 1.1974 0.04963 76 62 13 1
4045 No,you don't understand! When I said that I love to chase cats, I wasn't talking about the availability of the play. 1.1974 0.04963 76 62 13 1
4046 But You still insist on chasing cars.. 1.1974 0.05305 76 63 11 2
4047 You cats can be picky. My whole life has been one big sit, shake, and roll over. 1.1974 0.05305 76 63 11 2
4048 I’m so stressed about what suit to wear into the office and to be quite candid, I do miss my dog collar now and then. But, someone complimented me the other day in this suit, and said I was the “Cats Meow” . 1.1974 0.04963 76 62 13 1
4049 The board may have my license for this, but I'll tell you anyways. They are actually after you. 1.1974 0.05305 76 63 11 2
4050 Oh how I miss the days when I was youthful enough to be chasing you out of the room. 1.1974 0.05305 76 63 11 2
4051 I want to live my best life, even though I have eight fewer than you. 1.1972 0.05537 71 59 10 2
4052 My wife won’t let me sit on the couch ! 1.1972 0.05161 71 58 12 1
4053 Well, that might be, from a feline perspective 1.1972 0.05537 71 59 10 2
4054 I always feel I need approval. How do you deal with it? 1.1972 0.05161 71 58 12 1
4055 I hope this will be like the reviews, my friends say you knock it out of the dogpark! 1.1972 0.05537 71 59 10 2
4056 I don’t understand it I thought I was the cats meow! 1.1972 0.05161 71 58 12 1
4057 I get so nervous when I hear a Meow. 1.1972 0.05537 71 59 10 2
4058 "A people pleaser? I don't know, Doc. I'm generally known as the ass-kisser at my office. Those treats are incredibly persuasive." 1.1972 0.05161 71 58 12 1
4059 If the world is going to the dogs Doc, I sure haven’t got my share yet. 1.1972 0.05537 71 59 10 2
4060 My wife is like you. She says our differences are too great. 1.1972 0.05537 71 59 10 2
4061 Tell me again: What makes you think the 4th of July is going to start occurring biannually? 1.1972 0.05890 71 60 8 3
4062 I said,"You only go around once." She said, "Not when you have 9 lives." 1.1972 0.05537 71 59 10 2
4063 My very being is consumed with cats controlling my life 1.1972 0.05537 71 59 10 2
4064 ... and the Border Collie thinks she's in charge,but she doesn't even have a good 'Down' ... 1.1972 0.05161 71 58 12 1
4065 I think my human mocks me with “squirrel!” 1.1970 0.05802 66 55 9 2
4066 I know it's 'catnip' but ... 1.1970 0.05385 66 54 11 1
4067 How long have you feared catching up with the bus? 1.1970 0.06190 66 56 7 3
4068 Yeah. I get it. But I keep telling them I don't drool. 1.1970 0.06190 66 56 7 3
4069 My entire life I have been trying to show them that I _am_ a good boy. 1.1970 0.05385 66 54 11 1
4070 I keep dreaming about cats I want to chase. And they all look like you.... 1.1967 0.06105 61 51 8 2
4071 I know it's a dog-eat-dog world, but if that happens, there will only be cats left. 1.1967 0.06105 61 51 8 2
4072 Rover finally realized he had to take a Cat scan. 1.1967 0.06105 61 51 8 2
4073 I didn't know that was the delivery man! 1.1959 0.04780 97 81 13 3
4074 I don’t think you can empathize with my fetish with fire hydrant. 1.1957 0.04159 92 74 18 0
4075 You’ve gotta act like you don’t want it. Then she’ll literally hand it to you on a silver platter. 1.1957 0.04946 92 77 12 3
4076 I got hooked on Catnip so badly they won’t even let me near the doghouse! 1.1957 0.04437 92 75 16 1
4077 It's always lay down, lay down--never give me a slobbery kiss! 1.1954 0.04578 87 71 15 1
4078 I still regret biting my neighbor's cat's tail when I was a puppy. How can I make up for this terrible thing? 1.1954 0.04861 87 72 13 2
4079 Sweety-Puss is driving me crazy! 1.1954 0.05383 87 74 9 4
4080 you're not crazy, everyone wants to kill Mr Whiskers 1.1954 0.04861 87 72 13 2
4081 Does this mean the chase is over??? 1.1951 0.05041 82 68 12 2
4082 I'm having trouble surviving in this unpawfect world. 1.1951 0.05041 82 68 12 2
4083 You say “woof woof” but all I hear is “meow meow”. 1.1951 0.04733 82 67 14 1
4084 I think it's mainly my fear of cats." 1.1951 0.05041 82 68 12 2
4085 Doc,I don't know what's the point anymore. The mortgage on the dog house is upside down. My wife is leaving me after she found out how I got those ticks after the last company party,and my daughter refuses show me my grandchildren. Throw me a bone 1.1951 0.05041 82 68 12 2
4086 I'm just feeling increased anxiety from the dog eat dog world out there" .... 1.1951 0.05041 82 68 12 2
4087 I didn’t know what I would do to fill my days when she went back to the office after working from home. So I applied for an opening, and since the labor shortage is so dire, the hired me after a phone interview. The problem is that she won’t let me ride in the car with her, and the bus won’t allow unaccompanied dogs. 1.1951 0.05041 82 68 12 2
4088 I know it sounds nuts, but I have a compulsion to swat things off my desk. 1.1948 0.04905 77 63 13 1
4089 You know, it’s a dog eat dog world out there! 1.1948 0.04905 77 63 13 1
4090 Spike: So then I caught It! Fluffy PhD: How does that make you feel? Spike: How would you feel if you bit off the tip of Your Tail? 1.1948 0.05558 77 65 9 3
4091 you tell me, why must I? 1.1948 0.04905 77 63 13 1
4092 Why can’t it be raining cats or dogs? 1.1948 0.04543 77 62 15 0
4093 I can't help but wonder what I'd even do with my tail once I caught it. Surely you understand, you're always chasing that red dot. 1.1948 0.05242 77 64 11 2
4094 It’s the same nightmare every night. My head’s a ball of yarn, then swat-swat-swat, swat-swat-swat. 1.1948 0.04543 77 62 15 0
4095 It feels like you're maintaining a distance between us. 1.1948 0.04905 77 63 13 1
4096 I have this recurring nightmare about foxes and hens. 1.1948 0.04905 77 63 13 1
4097 Sometimes I wish I could have my own bathroom. 1.1948 0.05558 77 65 9 3
4098 Again, drooling and tail wagging is not setting boundaries. 1.1948 0.05558 77 65 9 3
4099 I just wish I could chase something else in my dreams for once. 1.1948 0.05558 77 65 9 3
4100 And how does that make you feel?" "Pretty rough I guess. 1.1944 0.05096 72 59 12 1
4101 My human doesn’t wipe my butt after a walk and then gets mad at ME?!?? 1.1944 0.05096 72 59 12 1
4102 It was years ago with you, Diddle and the cow. My laughing didn’t help and I’ve regretted it ever since. I still can’t get by it. 1.1944 0.05814 72 61 8 3
4103 My owner is really into anthropomorphism. 1.1944 0.05096 72 59 12 1
4104 Nobody tells me I'm a good dog. 1.1944 0.04697 72 58 14 0
4105 There’s no elephant in the room. Did the mouse scare him? 1.1944 0.05467 72 60 10 2
4106 He said he wanted a dog with an independent cat-like personality, so I got a job and now he never throws the frisbee to me anymore! 1.1944 0.05467 72 60 10 2
4107 And, I don't get your obsession with mice. 1.1944 0.05814 72 61 8 3
4108 Wait, haven’t we been in this toon before? 1.1944 0.05467 72 60 10 2
4109 It was just a little quatrain, and they called it doggerel! Im so depressed! 1.1944 0.04697 72 58 14 0
4110 You're barking up the wrong tree, doctor. 1.1944 0.05096 72 59 12 1
4111 Have you tried pretending that you don't need your emotional support human? 1.1944 0.05096 72 59 12 1
4112 And then he said "here Boy" 1.1944 0.05096 72 59 12 1
4113 I finally realized that I wanted to trans to cat. 1.1944 0.05814 72 61 8 3
4114 This guy's got it ruff. Won't somebody throw him a bone?? 1.1944 0.05467 72 60 10 2
4115 Sometimes I feel like a ball of yarn, just getting slapped in circles. 1.1944 0.05467 72 60 10 2
4116 My delusion is that you're a cat and I'm a dog. 1.1944 0.05467 72 60 10 2
4117 I had always been his best friend, but the other day he came home covered with cat hair. 1.1944 0.05096 72 59 12 1
4118 Are we on the same wavelength? 1.1944 0.05814 72 61 8 3
4119 She actually used the word 'disloyal!' 1.1944 0.05467 72 60 10 2
4120 I had the dream where I was pooping in the yard again 1.1944 0.05467 72 60 10 2
4121 I have this overwhelming urge to chase you, to catch you, to rip you to pieces..... but then, my sessions would end, wouldn't they? 1.1942 0.04153 103 84 18 1
4122 I don't think you can really relate to lives without litter boxes. 1.1940 0.05722 67 56 9 2
4123 So I tried the little plastic ball with the bell inside you suggested that works for you every time and…nah. Now…about that catnip option you’ve referred to on a few occasions..? 1.1940 0.04868 67 54 13 0
4124 Hate? No.......fear is more like it. 1.1940 0.05722 67 56 9 2
4125 How could you tell I'm not a cat? 1.1940 0.06104 67 57 7 3
4126 I don't know if microdosing is for me 1.1940 0.05312 67 55 11 1
4127 I always have a feeling that my spot has been taken. 1.1935 0.04652 93 77 14 2
4128 -Cat eat dog. 1.1935 0.05557 62 51 10 1
4129 I just can’t take the rat race any more. 1.1932 0.04531 88 72 15 1
4130 My workplace is ruled by white male cats. 1.1932 0.05075 88 74 11 3
4131 Doc. My problem is that I never got love all I got was bones ! 1.1932 0.04810 88 73 13 2
4132 I worry that catnip does nothing for me. 1.1932 0.05326 88 75 9 4
4133 I’ve never really understood what I’ve been after all these years until now. 1.1932 0.04531 88 72 15 1
4134 I tell you doc the cops forced me, literally forced me, to let the cat out of the bag! 1.1932 0.04531 88 72 15 1
4135 ...and then sometimes it feels like my life is moving about seven faster than everyone else's 1.1932 0.05566 88 76 7 5
4136 I might have had adhd in my past life 1.1930 0.05274 57 46 11 0
4137 What does it say about me if I'm more of a dog person than a cat person? 1.1928 0.04985 83 69 12 2
4138 We’re just scratching the surface of your real issue. 1.1928 0.04985 83 69 12 2
4139 I understand my growing attraction to you, Dr. Whiskers, is part of our process here. But I’m terrified what the Supreme Court would make of it. 1.1928 0.04985 83 69 12 2
4140 Well, we’ve ruled out that you’re pigheaded. 1.1928 0.04681 83 68 14 1
4141 I wish I wasn't so crazy about her, she's the cat's meow. 1.1928 0.04985 83 69 12 2
4142 they’re working me like a dog 1.1928 0.05272 83 70 10 3
4143 Sounds like a classic case of the Oedipuss complex to me 1.1928 0.04985 83 69 12 2
4144 Can you remind me why we traded places for this session? 1.1923 0.05180 78 65 11 2
4145 My wife thinks I am a pussy cat and recommended I have a chat with you. 1.1923 0.05787 78 67 7 4
4146 Life has become so dismal. It's become a cat's world out there, Doc. 1.1923 0.05180 78 65 11 2
4147 You think every cat in my dreams is you. Maybe you're the narcissist, 1.1923 0.05787 78 67 7 4
4148 This voice is telling me that everything we're doing is overshadowed by cats. 1.1923 0.04848 78 64 13 1
4149 I'm deathly afraid of not recognizing a cat. 1.1923 0.04491 78 63 15 0
4150 But I've always wanted cat nip. 1.1923 0.04848 78 64 13 1
4151 I keep having these dreams where my analyst actually hates me. 1.1923 0.05492 78 66 9 3
4152 No matter how much I run, I can't never catch my tail 1.1923 0.05180 78 65 11 2
4153 I went out in the noonday sun with an Englishman 1.1923 0.05180 78 65 11 2
4154 How long have you been allergic to cats? 1.1923 0.05180 78 65 11 2
4155 Something must have happened when you were a puppy. 1.1923 0.04848 78 64 13 1
4156 I just can't seem to explain my feelings, and it's so hard to express what's bothering me--it's as if we just don't speak the same language. 1.1923 0.04848 78 64 13 1
4157 I can't stop thinking about pussies. 1.1923 0.05180 78 65 11 2
4158 Hold it, I agreed to counselling sessions without any reference to my pedigree. 1.1923 0.05492 78 66 9 3
4159 So, after meeting 'Muffy,' your intense interest in chasing squirrels disappeared? 1.1923 0.05787 78 67 7 4
4160 Cats are so annoying that I just have to chase them, but you're not like that. 1.1923 0.05787 78 67 7 4
4161 Are you sure he is YOUR best friend? 1.1923 0.04491 78 63 15 0
4162 So she hacks up a fur ball,says it's normal. When I do it she gags. 1.1923 0.05180 78 65 11 2
4163 I’m sure you can’t relate…” 1.1923 0.04848 78 64 13 1
4164 "Do you think I could be suffering from a rare form of catatonia?" 1.1919 0.04906 99 84 11 4
4165 WhoooF 1.1919 0.04466 99 82 15 2
4166 We've been fighting like . . . 1.1919 0.04691 99 83 13 3
4167 Are you sure it's a dog eat dog world...It just doesn't feel right" 1.1918 0.05033 73 60 12 1
4168 Yeah, I think that black lives matter, too. 1.1918 0.05740 73 62 8 3
4169 Well yes... let me just jot down your greatest fears...,for 'Scientific Purposes Only',of course. 1.1918 0.05398 73 61 10 2
4170 People are the only thing wrong with the world. Animals aren't causing any of the problems 1.1918 0.06062 73 63 6 4
4171 Yes, why does one leave the door to the chocolate stash open … an interesting question indeed 1.1918 0.05398 73 61 10 2
4172 I keep having these nightmares where I'm married to a very dominating cat. 1.1918 0.05740 73 62 8 3
4173 I have this recurring dream that I’m being pushed off of a countertop. 1.1918 0.05033 73 60 12 1
4174 No,Doc. It isn't wagging. It hasn't wagged in six months,and that's over four dog years. 1.1918 0.04640 73 59 14 0
4175 You know ..., I worked my tail off to get where I am now! 1.1918 0.04640 73 59 14 0
4176 First, can you sign a waiver of liability? 1.1918 0.05740 73 62 8 3
4177 My last therapist was a weasel who escaped just minutes before getting arrested for falsifying his credentials… 1.1918 0.05033 73 60 12 1
4178 The worst are the nightmares with this cat-like figure i can't recognize 1.1918 0.06062 73 63 6 4
4179 The look on my mother's face gave me pause. 1.1918 0.05033 73 60 12 1
4180 So, as I was saying, cat got my tongue… 1.1918 0.05033 73 60 12 1
4181 I am sure there is a pea in this sofa. 1.1915 0.05511 94 82 6 6
4182 He started coming home later and I could smell the cheap catnip on him. 1.1912 0.05241 68 56 11 1
4183 Give it to me straight. They told me you don't pussy foot around. 1.1912 0.05644 68 57 9 2
4184 My family always tells me I'm a good boy, but they treat me like a dog. 1.1912 0.05241 68 56 11 1
4185 Why do I use a litter box instead of a hydrant? 1.1912 0.05644 68 57 9 2
4186 Yes, I know it's a dog's life. 1.1912 0.05241 68 56 11 1
4187 Now, about this recurring dream of chasing mice. ever thought about chasing cars?" 1.1912 0.06021 68 58 7 3
4188 There’s a fee for lie’n to me. 1.1912 0.05644 68 57 9 2
4189 So you don’t like it when your slave is gone? Why? 1.1912 0.06021 68 58 7 3
4190 Yeah, pretty good thanks. Yourself? 1.1910 0.04485 89 73 15 1
4191 . . . and then there was Mr. Mistoffelees . . . 1.1910 0.04761 89 74 13 2
4192 This will only work if you let go of your preconceived notions. 1.1910 0.04190 89 72 17 0
4193 I realized I spend the majority of my time trying to make George happy 1.1910 0.04485 89 73 15 1
4194 The indifference is killing. Can you help? 1.1910 0.04761 89 74 13 2
4195 I have a recurring nightmare where I eat my therapist with some fava beans and a nice Chianti 1.1905 0.04931 84 70 12 2
4196 I can't help wondering if being 'man's best friend' is getting me where I want to be. 1.1905 0.05214 84 71 10 3
4197 HEY...Forget the TAN... 1.1905 0.05214 84 71 10 3
4198 I'm living a dog's life but have lost both my bark and bite 1.1905 0.04310 84 68 16 0
4199 I suppose chasing my tail is something like your fascination with yarn. Why? I don't know but I can't stop. 1.1905 0.04931 84 70 12 2
4200 I'm feeling a bit catatonic. 1.1905 0.04931 84 70 12 2
4201 Actually, I don't really care how you feel about that. 1.1905 0.04931 84 70 12 2
4202 T o3 "To begin with,it's a dog's world out there. 1.1905 0.04931 84 70 12 2
4203 No actually Freud did NOT say "Time spent with cats is never wasted"! 1.1905 0.04931 84 70 12 2
4204 Focus on what you can bite in this dog-eat-dog world, not on what can bite you 1.1900 0.04648 100 84 13 3
4205 Nobody says 'walkies' to me anymore. 1.1899 0.05120 79 66 11 2
4206 No, asking you to lie down was not me exercising authority. 1.1899 0.05120 79 66 11 2
4207 I feel like I’m not being promoted because I don’t purr at the boss’s jokes. 1.1899 0.05428 79 67 9 3
4208 No matter how hard I try, I just can't purr. 1.1899 0.05120 79 66 11 2
4209 How long have you felt this way about white cats? 1.1899 0.05120 79 66 11 2
4210 Maybe you do, but I don't. 1.1899 0.05120 79 66 11 2
4211 And the name calling! Dog face,mutt, cur...cat killer! 1.1899 0.05120 79 66 11 2
4212 Dr,i feel uncomfortable with my own specieism 1.1899 0.04441 79 64 15 0
4213 Do you think I'm too much of a people-pleaser? 1.1899 0.05120 79 66 11 2
4214 I know I was named Fido. But I want my name to be Pussy! 1.1899 0.04792 79 65 13 1
4215 I think I am a has been, I’ll never frighten another cat. John Coyle Belfast Ireland 1.1899 0.05428 79 67 9 3
4216 It all started when I was a puppy, and I befriended that kitten they brought home... 1.1899 0.05428 79 67 9 3
4217 I've been in the doghouse for months. How do you *think* it feels? 1.1899 0.04441 79 64 15 0
4218 All my life I've been mean to cats. 1.1899 0.05120 79 66 11 2
4219 So you're saying life really is just a cat and mouse game. 1.1899 0.04792 79 65 13 1
4220 So, somewhat of a personal question, how do you manage to avoid the lapdog syndrome? 1.1897 0.05193 58 47 11 0
4221 You’re awfully quiet…Cat Got Your Tongue? 1.1895 0.04802 95 80 12 3
4222 They wouldn't even give you a litter box? 1.1895 0.04563 95 79 14 2
4223 Hey, I'm in pain here. Purring is inappropriate. 1.1892 0.05667 74 63 8 3
4224 The 'dog days of summer' just sounds so judgmental. 1.1892 0.05667 74 63 8 3
4225 I dreamed I had transitioned and was kicking butt on the cats swim team at Penn. 1.1892 0.05985 74 64 6 4
4226 For the longest time, I’ve felt like the cat who got the cream” 1.1892 0.04584 74 60 14 0
4227 I feel like I'm on a hot tin roof. Do you have any idea what that's like? 1.1892 0.04971 74 61 12 1
4228 A cat's meow. 1.1892 0.04584 74 60 14 0
4229 Are you nearly done with your shopping list, doctor? I would kind of like to get our session started... 1.1892 0.05331 74 62 10 2
4230 I can’t believe it took me so long to see she’d been a cat person all along. 1.1892 0.05331 74 62 10 2
4231 They were wrong - puppy therapy sucks. 1.1892 0.05667 74 63 8 3
4232 I seem to bark all the time, even at nothing, What's my problem? 1.1892 0.04971 74 61 12 1
4233 Any concerns other than the desire to chase cars ? 1.1892 0.04584 74 60 14 0
4234 How do I remain in the meow when things get ruff ? 1.1892 0.05667 74 63 8 3
4235 Yes, yes, but, often, we find the greatest happiness in the chase Tobias, not in the actual catching and mauling of the squirrel. 1.1892 0.05331 74 62 10 2
4236 Good Lord!!! Here he goes again!! Should I shush him?? 1.1892 0.04971 74 61 12 1
4237 I'm here because I struggle with anger management, and right now I'm losing. 1.1889 0.04440 90 74 15 1
4238 They always say "T-R-E-A-T", but what does it mean? 1.1889 0.04713 90 75 13 2
4239 I was adopted last from the kennel. My mate had an affair with the neighbor's rabbit. Then my owner moved and didn't tell me . . . 1.1884 0.05569 69 58 9 2
4240 Can you teach me not to care if I am a good boy? 1.1884 0.05172 69 57 11 1
4241 Last night I dreamed you were a cat and I a dog. 1.1884 0.05172 69 57 11 1
4242 If anyone in the pack finds out I’m seeing you it threatens my position as top dog and I wouldn’t be surprised if they whack me with a rolled up newspaper. 1.1884 0.05939 69 59 7 3
4243 I wanted an opinion from someone who doesn't think sniffing is important. 1.1884 0.05172 69 57 11 1
4244 As the world turns. 1.1884 0.05569 69 58 9 2
4245 No wonder I'm depressed...it's been raining us for weeks now. 1.1884 0.04742 69 56 13 0
4246 I'm not a bad person! 1.1884 0.05569 69 58 9 2
4247 Ever since I started gender reassignment therapy, I don’t know whether to squat or raise my leg. 1.1884 0.05939 69 59 7 3
4248 I'm looking for a new leash on life, not the other way around. 1.1884 0.05172 69 57 11 1
4249 I spend all my time trying to make everyone happy and I get no appreciation. 1.1884 0.05939 69 59 7 3
4250 I keep falling asleep without circling the bed three times. 1.1882 0.04265 85 69 16 0
4251 I guess it all started with bark envy. 1.1882 0.04878 85 71 12 2
4252 and then I realized..... I'll never be a cat.... 1.1882 0.04878 85 71 12 2
4253 Have you tried acting unfriendly? 1.1882 0.04582 85 70 14 1
4254 I had that recurring nightmare about the defenseless mouse. 1.1882 0.05422 85 73 8 4
4255 No one ever asks if *I* need anything retrieved. 1.1882 0.04878 85 71 12 2
4256 I wonder, musically—who rigged a ruse that I now rue? 1.1882 0.05157 85 72 10 3
4257 You should understand doc…I am just as nervous as if I was in a room full of rocking chairs. 1.1882 0.04265 85 69 16 0
4258 It got me to thinking--am I a "good boy," really? 1.1882 0.04878 85 71 12 2
4259 I feel ignored. 1.1875 0.05398 64 53 10 1
4260 I'm trying not to see everyone as the enemy. 1.1875 0.05061 80 67 11 2
4261 I sometimes feel my life is empty. I wish I could have around 8 more. 1.1875 0.05061 80 67 11 2
4262 I've really tried just to ignore everything they tell me to do. 1.1875 0.04519 96 80 14 2
4263 I was adapted into Cat people's home! 1.1875 0.04391 80 65 15 0
4264 Of course he's worried. He's a dog. 1.1875 0.05061 80 67 11 2
4265 Have you tried giving less of yourself? 1.1875 0.05398 64 53 10 1
4266 I tried acting aloof and entitled like you suggested, but they still won't let me eat off the counter. 1.1875 0.05364 80 68 9 3
4267 My best friend treats me like a cat. 1.1875 0.05061 80 67 11 2
4268 You're my last hope doctor, I'm catatonic. 1.1875 0.04756 96 81 12 3
4269 I'm having a crisis because I really don't want to be anybody's best friend. 1.1875 0.05840 64 54 8 2
4270 Tail me more about that 1.1875 0.04756 96 81 12 3
4271 It’s Petco not Petsmart 1.1875 0.05061 80 67 11 2
4272 Yes we sometimes do fight like cats and dogs, though we both agree it's those other species which are the problem 1.1875 0.04738 80 66 13 1
4273 I keep having this weird dream, and you're in it too" 1.1875 0.04738 80 66 13 1
4274 I feel like dredging up nine lives is barking up the wrong tree, doc. 1.1868 0.04396 91 75 15 1
4275 It’s dog eat dog out there…” “Purrrfect!” 1.1868 0.04920 91 77 11 3
4276 I don't why but when I'm here ,I feel like I'm barking up the wrong tree. 1.1868 0.04396 91 75 15 1
4277 It's a dog eat dog world out there, but then you probably wouldn't understand that. 1.1867 0.05597 75 64 8 3
4278 There's such a double standard in my house. 1.1867 0.04911 75 62 12 1
4279 It feels like you're judging me... 1.1867 0.05910 75 65 6 4
4280 So you say ten sessions to come to terms with the fact that my therapist is a cat... and then on to my other issues? 1.1867 0.04911 75 62 12 1
4281 You are missing those dog's days, I see. 1.1867 0.05265 75 63 10 2
4282 All day everyday, 'sit, stay, sit, stay, etc...' It's driving me a little coocoo Doc.. And, if I'm asked to rollover one more time, I think I'm going to lose it. 1.1867 0.05597 75 64 8 3
4283 I’m seeking professional help for an insatiable cat food appetite. 1.1867 0.04911 75 62 12 1
4284 I can’t get Cats out of my mind. 1.1867 0.04911 75 62 12 1
4285 Then I was licking her swimming suit area which probably wasn't the best choice. 1.1867 0.05265 75 63 10 2
4286 It's strange doc. I bark on the outside, but deep inside, I want to meow! 1.1867 0.04911 75 62 12 1
4287 At the very least, I'll be on the cover of Psychology Today! 1.1867 0.04911 75 62 12 1
4288 Purrr…it’s a dog eat dog world out there 1.1867 0.04911 75 62 12 1
4289 My human just doesn’t understand my signals to go out, and then punishes me for indoor transgressions. 1.1860 0.04826 86 72 12 2
4290 And now apparently the puppy's Instagram posts are performing better than mine. 1.1860 0.04221 86 70 16 0
4291 Don't be too discouraged,the dogs days of Summer happen every year 1.1860 0.04221 86 70 16 0
4292 Stop imagining you see cats everywhere. 1.1860 0.05363 86 74 8 4
4293 I feel really weird talking to *you* about this, but see, I have this compulsion with... the litter box. 1.1860 0.04826 86 72 12 2
4294 I feel as though I’m barking up the wrong the tree. 1.1860 0.05101 86 73 10 3
4295 My kids want a cat. I told them it would be a bad idea. What do you think, Doc?" 1.1857 0.05105 70 58 11 1
4296 I'm dog-tired. It's been "cat"ch as "cat"ch can for months now with no support. 1.1857 0.05105 70 58 11 1
4297 And so, what brings you to me for help?" 1.1857 0.05495 70 59 9 2
4298 I'm anxious about being a senior dog. 1.1857 0.05860 70 60 7 3
4299 You're barking up the wrong tree. 1.1857 0.05495 70 59 9 2
4300 Of all the doctors, I really thought you would understand why I want to do my business indoors. 1.1857 0.05860 70 60 7 3
4301 look, we both know i’m only here because the judge says i got to be— so what do you want me to say? i hump stuffed animals? i don’t like being looked at while i’m pooping? i eat garbage and lick my own ass? it’s all true doc… and so what, i’m a man 1.1857 0.05105 70 58 11 1
4302 I really don't care. 1.1857 0.05860 70 60 7 3
4303 So you think all my problems come from my mother being a bitch? 1.1857 0.05495 70 59 9 2
4304 Have you ever considered a species change? 1.1857 0.05105 70 58 11 1
4305 But, the ball was right there, I could see it in their hand and then POOF! Gone. 1.1857 0.06203 70 61 5 4
4306 I didn’t know there was such a thing as ‘transpurrance’. 1.1857 0.05860 70 60 7 3
4307 Ok, it was raining cats AND dogs 1.1857 0.05860 70 60 7 3
4308 Are you guys still talking?” “He didn’t view my story within the first 60 seconds so I think it’s over. 1.1857 0.05105 70 58 11 1
4309 So Doc,my girlfriend tells me that I really need to become more of a cat person. 1.1856 0.04933 97 83 10 4
4310 my wife says cunning wins over brawn 1.1856 0.04476 97 81 14 2
4311 No offense, but you can read me. 1.1856 0.04710 97 82 12 3
4312 And I think that's when I realized Life Isn't Just Kibble and Bits All the Time. 1.1852 0.05303 81 69 9 3
4313 I seem to really caninepromorphize my dreams. 1.1852 0.04685 81 67 13 1
4314 Do you think it could be an identity issue? 1.1852 0.05303 81 69 9 3
4315 You were right. When I ignore them completely they still think I'm a good boy. I feel so foolish. 1.1852 0.04685 81 67 13 1
4316 So, tell me, how does catnip really work? 1.1852 0.04685 81 67 13 1
4317 So let's see what the bigger issue is, is it that we can walk on their faces, or is it because we have nine lives? 1.1852 0.04685 81 67 13 1
4318 I keep dreaming that cats are taking over the world... 1.1852 0.04685 81 67 13 1
4319 The sticky note said, ‘Return these cat calls.’ 1.1852 0.05003 81 68 11 2
4320 I think my purrfection has caused the marriage to dissolve. 1.1848 0.04619 92 77 13 2
4321 Thank you for agreeing to this late session so close to our Halloween parties. 1.1848 0.04619 92 77 13 2
4322 I'm tired of constantly pussyfooting around. 1.1848 0.04352 92 76 15 1
4323 Why don't you try being best friends with a dog this time? 1.1848 0.04870 92 78 11 3
4324 Weirdly enough,it seems like my urge to “chase” has all but vanished. 1.1846 0.05756 65 55 8 2
4325 It's raining cats and dogs never made any sense to me. 1.1846 0.05322 65 54 10 1
4326 ...and then it was the newspaper, which is nothing like grass. 1.1846 0.05756 65 55 8 2
4327 But it’s my only life! 1.1846 0.05756 65 55 8 2
4328 It just feels like my time is passing seven times faster than humans. 1.1842 0.04852 76 63 12 1
4329 I just long for the days of my youth. Gnawing chair legs, digging holes, chasing… I wanna feel young again. 1.1842 0.05528 76 65 8 3
4330 Well, Doctor, I just cat stand my life anymore. 1.1842 0.05201 76 64 10 2
4331 Tell me again, why I shouldn’t chase the cat. 1.1842 0.05201 76 64 10 2
4332 I don't really even LIKE people, but I still get this overwhelming sense of guilt because they say a dog is supposedly man's best friend. 1.1842 0.05201 76 64 10 2
4333 You’re not looking at me and I see how you have your legs crossed. 1.1842 0.05528 76 65 8 3
4334 ‘I have nightmares about Puss In Boots…’ 1.1842 0.04476 76 62 14 0
4335 I dreamt I caught my tail. 1.1842 0.04476 76 62 14 0
4336 I thought adopting a human would fix our marriage, but it turns out my wife is just a b****. 1.1842 0.04852 76 63 12 1
4337 The transference just isn't working for me. 1.1842 0.05201 76 64 10 2
4338 I imagine you feel differently, but I'm tired of living in a dog eat dog world. 1.1842 0.04852 76 63 12 1
4339 Whoever heard of a cat taking notes? 1.1842 0.04476 76 62 14 0
4340 Let’s nip your problems in the bud. 1.1842 0.05528 76 65 8 3
4341 I'm so dog-gone depressed, Dr. Katz. 1.1842 0.05837 76 66 6 4
4342 You all are the Cat's Pajamas, and we're not even the Dog's Knees! 1.1842 0.04852 76 63 12 1
4343 These bitches be stressin me 1.1842 0.04852 76 63 12 1
4344 : “My urges to shred you are surfacing” 1.1842 0.05201 76 64 10 2
4345 so it DOES rain cats and dogs... 1.1842 0.05201 76 64 10 2
4346 I’m really concerned about your obsession with pleasing humans. 1.1842 0.04852 76 63 12 1
4347 Lets' keep this a scent free environment. 1.1839 0.04486 87 72 14 1
4348 Not sure if you can relate to this but I find myself licking my balls and sniffing asses a lot more as I get older, any ideas? 1.1839 0.05047 87 74 10 3
4349 Who'd have thought when I chased you around the block a few months ago that you'd end up being my therapist 1.1839 0.05047 87 74 10 3
4350 Why must I be like that? Why must I chase the cat? They say it's nothing but the dog in me, and it makes me feel sad that they can't see me as more than that. I have feelings too. 1.1837 0.04435 98 82 14 2
4351 Would you prefer the couch? 1.1833 0.05570 60 50 9 1
4352 Sometimes you just have to accept reality and learn to get along. 1.1831 0.05424 71 60 9 2
4353 I have a recurring dream that I chase mice. 1.1831 0.05424 71 60 9 2
4354 I'm having trouble with the 'transference' concept. 1.1831 0.05783 71 61 7 3
4355 I feel like I'm running around in circles, just chasing my tail. 1.1831 0.05783 71 61 7 3
4356 It's the same dream again -- I'm a cat and you're a dog. 1.1831 0.04623 71 58 13 0
4357 I wish you'd stop projecting. I'm starting to feel like I got nine lives. 1.1831 0.05783 71 61 7 3
4358 It's depressing that I am not allowed to just roam freely around the neighborhood like others. 1.1831 0.05783 71 61 7 3
4359 okay, fine, my tail was wagging, yes, but I really didn’t want to play. 1.1831 0.05039 71 59 11 1
4360 They Keep calling me a pussy 1.1831 0.05424 71 60 9 2
4361 I hate you and I don't know why! 1.1829 0.04633 82 68 13 1
4362 Oh yes it is a cat and dog fight" 1.1829 0.05243 82 70 9 3
4363 I can't help it. I must chase squirrels and cats. What should I do doc? 1.1829 0.04947 82 69 11 2
4364 No matter how many times I hear it, I just don’t feel like I’m living a dog’s life. 1.1829 0.04296 82 67 15 0
4365 I have no idea why they sent me here. I have never had any problems. 1.1829 0.04947 82 69 11 2
4366 Doc, you're suggesting that treating my humans with spectacular disinterest will result in the same basic care? 1.1829 0.04947 82 69 11 2
4367 Obvious 1.1828 0.04822 93 79 11 3
4368 My owner always compares me to his cat! 1.1827 0.04270 104 87 15 2
4369 So,Rex,your ID badge states your company position is Lead Bone Digger. How satisfied are you with your work? On a semi-related note,any lingering resentments against your father? Would you consider yourself a “Mama’s Very Good Boy!”? 1.1826 0.04381 115 98 13 4
4370 Coming out to my family and coworkers as a cat lover was not good advice. 1.1818 0.05461 77 66 8 3
4371 I seem to make bad choices in all aspects of my life. 1.1818 0.04725 88 74 12 2
4372 Are you even listening to me? Do you even care? You only coughed up on the carpet once, so I wasn't sure. 1.1818 0.04795 77 64 12 1
4373 I just have this unshakable sense of impending doom. 1.1818 0.05139 77 65 10 2
4374 I keep dreaming all my treats are catnip. 1.1818 0.05461 77 66 8 3
4375 I’ve always had such a hard time accessing my felines 1.1818 0.05461 77 66 8 3
4376 "Somehow I don't think purring is the solution." 1.1818 0.04440 88 73 14 1
4377 Talk about the day you realized that you belong to an inferior species.” 1.1818 0.04440 88 73 14 1
4378 Human's all fetch and play dead when I'm an actuary. 1.1818 0.05249 66 55 10 1
4379 And when did you first notice the purring? 1.1818 0.05461 77 66 8 3
4380 When did you start craving kitty treats and becoming aloof? 1.1818 0.05249 66 55 10 1
4381 Basically Doc, I have been seeing everyone I encounter as a cat, lately. I don’t know why; I don’t even like cats. It runs in my family, really. I guys we’re more of a dog people. 1.1818 0.04424 77 63 14 0
4382 I'm hoping that you can help me with my trust issues. 1.1818 0.04795 77 64 12 1
4383 No Doc,not that kind of litter. 1.1818 0.05249 66 55 10 1
4384 We’re always dogging it, you guys are always hep cats 1.1818 0.05675 66 56 8 2
4385 I don’t know, but I have trust issues. Especially with cats. 1.1818 0.05249 66 55 10 1
4386 I just can't shake the feeling that everyone I meet every day is my enemy. 1.1818 0.04994 88 75 10 3
4387 I haven’t gotten any pussy lately and I’ve only got one life to live. 1.1818 0.04795 77 64 12 1
4388 Wada mean it’s not a doggie dog world? 1.1818 0.05766 77 67 6 4
4389 As a Vegan, I can’t live in a Dog eat Dog kinda world 1.1818 0.04424 77 63 14 0
4390 All you'll need is a little "Catitude " therapy." 1.1818 0.04795 77 64 12 1
4391 I thought she loved me too 1.1818 0.04424 77 63 14 0
4392 I’m worried that we are no longer “Man’s best friend”. 1.1818 0.04440 88 73 14 1
4393 ‚So from what I am hearing you have a dog attachment style.’ 1.1818 0.04795 77 64 12 1
4394 I don't know who I can trust. 1.1809 0.04774 94 80 11 3
4395 When did you realize you were barking up the wrong tree,and how did it make you feel? 1.1809 0.04528 94 79 13 2
4396 I can’t help thinking its raining” 1.1809 0.04528 94 79 13 2
4397 I’m tired of being everyone’s bitch. 1.1807 0.04582 83 69 13 1
4398 So, we're sitting across from each other at the dinner table, right? And I ask, "hey, babe, can you pass the salt?" And you know what she does? She looks me dead in the eye and says, "Roll over." 1.1807 0.04892 83 70 11 2
4399 Are you sure that this is a cat scan? 1.1807 0.05460 83 72 7 4
4400 My undying loyalty is performative? 1.1807 0.04582 83 69 13 1
4401 Too many years of fetching the paper and barking at the mailman have led me to this. 1.1807 0.04582 83 69 13 1
4402 I'm self-centered and manipulative. Is that such a bad thing? 1.1807 0.04582 83 69 13 1
4403 It all started when he stopped calling me good boy." 1.1807 0.04892 83 70 11 2
4404 Writes: “Delusional behavioral tendencies, thinks cats are following him” 1.1807 0.05184 83 71 9 3
4405 And then she said, ‘It’s my bed now.’ Then I woke up, same as always. 1.1806 0.04565 72 59 13 0
4406 I don't think you fully appreciate how humiliating it is to be at my stage of life and still wet the floor when your boss comes into the room. 1.1806 0.04975 72 60 11 1
4407 I have turned suspicious of everyone. 1.1806 0.04975 72 60 11 1
4408 I wish you'd stop chasing after your tail and just get to the point. 1.1806 0.04975 72 60 11 1
4409 That's fine for you, Dr. Katz. But me ... I miss my owner. 1.1806 0.04975 72 60 11 1
4410 You're the first therapist that truly gets me. 1.1806 0.05354 72 61 9 2
4411 It’s time for me to end my co-dependent relationship. 1.1806 0.04565 72 59 13 0
4412 I feel like everyone hates me. 1.1806 0.04975 72 60 11 1
4413 And then she said I was a bad boy for spending too much time at the doggery. 1.1806 0.04975 72 60 11 1
4414 Dog gone … someone cut the cheese, Louise. 1.1806 0.05708 72 62 7 3
4415 Purr to me. 1.1806 0.04975 72 60 11 1
4416 I don’t think you know what’s it’s like to spend your whole life trying to be the goodest boy 1.1806 0.04565 72 59 13 0
4417 I was hoping for a management position, but they said I’m better suited to customer support. 1.1806 0.05708 72 62 7 3
4418 I think it all started when I got passed up for Air Bud. 1.1798 0.04941 89 76 10 3
4419 Have you considered using a sandbox instead? 1.1798 0.04941 89 76 10 3
4420 I wanted the bone but after after I got I was so disappointed. 1.1798 0.04676 89 75 12 2
4421 What do you mean "you only live once" Frank Buckley Andover MA 1.1795 0.04739 78 65 12 1
4422 But they never let me on the couch. 1.1795 0.04739 78 65 12 1
4423 I'm usually told to get off the couch. 1.1795 0.04373 78 64 14 0
4424 I don’t think our sessions are helping my inferiority complex. 1.1795 0.04739 78 65 12 1
4425 It was terrifying. A mob came after me with a noose! 1.1795 0.04373 78 64 14 0
4426 The irony of “man’s best friend “is that they dote on the cat. 1.1795 0.05078 78 66 10 2
4427 So, your mother told you not to sit on the couch? Tell me more about that- 1.1795 0.04739 78 65 12 1
4428 Is there something wrong with me?" "Meow 1.1795 0.05078 78 66 10 2
4429 Somehow I seem to have lost touch with my inner puppy. 1.1795 0.04739 78 65 12 1
4430 I can't help myself. Every time I leave the office, I feel like chasing the cars that pass by. 1.1795 0.04739 78 65 12 1
4431 My whole life I've been surrounded by cat people 1.1795 0.05396 78 67 8 3
4432 My parents fought like cats and dogs- uh, slip of the tongue- let me rephrase that! 1.1795 0.04739 78 65 12 1
4433 I can't grasp goofy Darwin and his 'evolutionary malarkey'...and I'm worried as hell about our next generation. 1.1795 0.05396 78 67 8 3
4434 Honestly, Doc, I just can't chase cats anymore! 1.1795 0.04739 78 65 12 1
4435 And now lately I’ve been wondering if maybe I’m the one in the wrong 1.1795 0.05078 78 66 10 2
4436 I guess I just feel like I'm chasing my own tail, even when I'm not! 1.1791 0.04720 67 55 12 0
4437 So how did you overcome your trust issues? 1.1791 0.05987 67 58 6 3
4438 Now tell me why you had to eat your own poo.. 1.1791 0.05177 67 56 10 1
4439 Every single time, it’s ‘BARK, BARK’ this and ‘’WOOF, WOOF’ that.” I gotta get ‘MEOW’-ta-here! 1.1791 0.04720 67 55 12 0
4440 They used to always be home but now they just leave me with the Kong toy and QVC 1.1791 0.05177 67 56 10 1
4441 It’s a dog eat dog world out there…but WHAT does dog eat? 1.1791 0.05987 67 58 6 3
4442 And then he threatened to choke me with his ball of yarn. 1.1786 0.04532 84 70 13 1
4443 I have a bone to pick with the world out there. It's dog eat dog! 1.1786 0.05126 84 72 9 3
4444 Cut out that Cat and mouse game 1.1786 0.04532 84 70 13 1
4445 I'm just not ready to say that I like cats at this point in my life. 1.1786 0.04204 84 69 15 0
4446 So how long have you had this inordinate fear of cats? 1.1786 0.05399 84 73 7 4
4447 The Meow Mix prescription just isn’t working. 1.1786 0.05759 56 47 8 1
4448 Dr. Feline,why,when I am on your couch do I get this feeling that I have become a mouse? 1.1786 0.04532 84 70 13 1
4449 We told you to leave the Monkey alone 1.1786 0.04838 84 71 11 2
4450 Sometimes I think even you don't understand me. 1.1781 0.04913 73 61 11 1
4451 Sometimes I feel like it’s a dog eat dog world. 1.1781 0.04913 73 61 11 1
4452 When I come here I get inexplicably hungry. 1.1781 0.05286 73 62 9 2
4453 Fearsome feelings for felines finds fellow friends fiercely flinching. 1.1781 0.05286 73 62 9 2
4454 Dog Eat Dog world is just unbearable. 1.1781 0.04913 73 61 11 1
4455 A second dog — how can a man have two best friend? 1.1781 0.05286 73 62 9 2
4456 Do you ever feel I might be a tad extroverted? 1.1781 0.05962 73 64 5 4
4457 Do you ever feel like it's raining us? 1.1781 0.05634 73 63 7 3
4458 Everywhere I look I see cats out to get me. 1.1781 0.05286 73 62 9 2
4459 I don't get it, I'm supposed to be his best friend. But sometimes I feel like he really doesn't understand me. 1.1781 0.04509 73 60 13 0
4460 How come you get nine lives and I get short changed with dog years? 1.1781 0.04913 73 61 11 1
4461 But you have to admit I look and act feline. 1.1781 0.04913 73 61 11 1
4462 Dog isn't a Jungian archetype? . . . But Cat is? 1.1781 0.05286 73 62 9 2
4463 I have been mean to cats all my life. Can you help me? 1.1778 0.04350 90 75 14 1
4464 I'm not sure you can understand what it's like to have Dog Days. 1.1778 0.04890 90 77 10 3
4465 During the pandemic when I could work from home everything was fine. I didn’t have to wear pants. 1.1774 0.05874 62 53 7 2
4466 I ate a cat years ago and feel guilty. 1.1774 0.05874 62 53 7 2
4467 I prefer chasing my tail to chasing cats and my vet suggested you might be able to help me get to the root of the problem. 1.1774 0.04891 62 51 11 0
4468 You wouldn't understand. It's a dog' eat dog out there. 1.1772 0.05018 79 67 10 2
4469 Sre you well strapped Tiberius 1.1772 0.05018 79 67 10 2
4470 It's probably just countertransference, but I can't shake this sense that you are more food than doctor. 1.1772 0.04324 79 65 14 0
4471 And not only that, the boss won't put a fire hydrant in the rest room for me to use! 1.1772 0.04684 79 66 12 1
4472 You think I’m barking up the wrong tree? You think that’s amusing eh? 1.1772 0.05018 79 67 10 2
4473 I thought I had done a good job but then she just patted me on the head. There was no 'good boy.' 1.1772 0.04684 79 66 12 1
4474 Your card says you are the "Cat's Meow" of therapists. I hope you have nothing against dogs. 1.1772 0.05018 79 67 10 2
4475 My problem? I have a craving for catnip. 1.1772 0.05018 79 67 10 2
4476 Well, it's been a bad week, and now I know I will grow old feeling depressed. 1.1765 0.05339 85 74 7 4
4477 Do you really think I'm suffering from imposter syndrome? 1.1765 0.04786 85 72 11 2
4478 Glad I finally tracked you down to let you know your car's extended warranty is about to expire. 1.1765 0.05107 68 57 10 1
4479 "So I had this dream where I was chasing you all around the house" 1.1765 0.04159 85 70 15 0
4480 It's time to let go of the guilt, chasing tail is common; it's something we all do. 1.1765 0.05520 68 58 8 2
4481 It's just that my last therapist didn't understand me. 1.1765 0.04484 85 71 13 1
4482 It's only because I really really love them and want to be with them. Really! 1.1765 0.05107 68 57 10 1
4483 These sessions with you always make me feel aggression. 1.1765 0.04159 85 70 15 0
4484 ...then she told me I was never going to have my day. 1.1765 0.05904 68 59 6 3
4485 What was that sound you just made? 1.1765 0.05520 68 58 8 2
4486 Tell me about your dreams again. Still chasing your tail ? Or mine ? 1.1765 0.04657 68 56 12 0
4487 Always a good boy, but never the best man. 1.1765 0.04159 85 70 15 0
4488 i see he him throw the ball and then its just not there 1.1765 0.04484 85 71 13 1
4489 That you meow instead of bark is no reason to feel inadequate 1.1765 0.05904 68 59 6 3
4490 Doc, if my get-up-and-go is doggone, is there hope for me? 1.1765 0.05107 68 57 10 1
4491 ... No offense. 1.1765 0.05904 68 59 6 3
4492 Every time Fluffy runs away I wonder, will Adam too? 1.1765 0.05107 68 57 10 1
4493 So, you feel someone is tailing you. 1.1765 0.05107 68 57 10 1
4494 And my wife 1.1758 0.04306 91 76 14 1
4495 I just feel I don't know my place in society. 1.1758 0.04840 91 78 10 3
4496 I feel like you don’t understand what it’s like to repress a bowel movement. 1.1758 0.05086 91 79 8 4
4497 '... and when the other dogs tried to eat me, i realized that all of my life i've wanted to be a cat." 1.1758 0.04581 91 77 12 2
4498 Throw me the pencil! Throw me the pencil! Throw me the pencil! 1.1758 0.04840 91 78 10 3
4499 In my dream, it's raining... 1.1757 0.04852 74 62 11 1
4500 Ans then the Cow jumped over the Moon! 1.1757 0.04454 74 61 13 0
4501 They never gave me a litter box 1.1757 0.04454 74 61 13 0
4502 So you think I have an inferiority complex? 1.1757 0.04852 74 62 11 1
4503 My childhood is filled with cat fantasies. 1.1757 0.04454 74 61 13 0
4504 Don’t try to pull reverse psychology on me 1.1757 0.05219 74 63 9 2
4505 I'm a bad dog, because I pee on everyone I meet. 1.1757 0.05219 74 63 9 2
4506 Fire hydrants, squirrels, my tail... Blah, blah, blah. Give it a rest. I hate in-network patients. 1.1757 0.05219 74 63 9 2
4507 Now, when you say feel like you spend all your time chasing your own tail, are you speaking metaphorically, or…? 1.1757 0.05563 74 64 7 3
4508 I’m not sure if you can ever understand what it’s like to have to be a “good doggie” every day. 1.1757 0.05219 74 63 9 2
4509 Bark,bark,bow wow,grrr 1.1757 0.05219 74 63 9 2
4510 I guess that I need to address my pet peeves... 1.1757 0.04852 74 62 11 1
4511 D: I thought being a people pleaser was the right way to be? C: In my experience, ignoring people still gets you fed and the ability to sleep their pillow 1.1757 0.05563 74 64 7 3
4512 I feel like I’m always chasing my tail. 1.1757 0.04852 74 62 11 1
4513 It’s just one cat-tastrophe after another, I can’t stop thinking about it. 1.1754 0.05665 57 48 8 1
4514 Mom was a real bitch and no pussy-cat. 1.1753 0.04637 97 83 11 3
4515 Maybe I should have said Ty Cobb. 1.1753 0.04399 97 82 13 2
4516 Doc - during lunch breaks, I get a sudden urge to chase cars. 1.1750 0.04960 80 68 10 2
4517 I keep having these nightmares where I am being told I have to use a litter box. 1.1750 0.04960 80 68 10 2
4518 Then I realised I wasn't a cat person. 1.1750 0.04630 80 67 12 1
4519 Why do cats have 9 lives and dogs only one? 1.1750 0.04630 80 67 12 1
4520 Newsflash: age of retirement raised to seven. 1.1750 0.05270 80 69 8 3
4521 Since I’ve lived nine lives, let me advise you. 1.1750 0.04630 80 67 12 1
4522 After he said I was no longer his best friend, the cat got his tongue! 1.1750 0.04960 80 68 10 2
4523 All I want to do is please humans, is that psychological problem. 1.1746 0.05326 63 53 9 1
4524 I'll be willing to pay you in cat food. 1.1746 0.05787 63 54 7 2
4525 And then she hissed at me! What's that all about? 1.1746 0.05787 63 54 7 2
4526 Are you wearing Hush Puppies too ? 1.1744 0.04436 86 72 13 1
4527 Why do you feel disadvantaged as a dog? 1.1744 0.04734 86 73 11 2
4528 So, how do you really feel when they scratch you behind your ears and say, “Oh, your such a nice boy!” 1.1744 0.04436 86 72 13 1
4529 I really do mean that I don't why but I really do want to bite your head off and eat your guts and waller in what is left of you every day for the next three months and I don' t know why. 1.1744 0.04734 86 73 11 2
4530 Don’t you think I’m the cat’s meow? 1.1744 0.04734 86 73 11 2
4531 . I want to be The Good Boy just once 1.1744 0.04436 86 72 13 1
4532 A mere suggestion of a litter box and this guy goes on and on about eating his own poop. And still 45 minutes to go. 1.1743 0.04671 109 95 9 5
4533 If you want to die because you consider your life a failure, how galling is it to survive a pandemic?" 1.1739 0.04596 69 57 12 0
4534 What's troubling you. 1.1739 0.05039 69 58 10 1
4535 Don’t tell anyone we’re dating, too, especially my mother. 1.1739 0.05445 69 59 8 2
4536 Why does everyone fight like cats and dogs? 1.1739 0.05445 69 59 8 2
4537 Is it so wrong to not want to eat dogs? 1.1739 0.05445 69 59 8 2
4538 Sometimes I feel like I'm just chasing my own tail--you know what I mean, right? 1.1739 0.05039 69 58 10 1
4539 OK, tell me the first thing that comes into your mind. Mouse. 1.1739 0.05039 69 58 10 1
4540 Well, Doc, I assume we're both here because it rained... 1.1739 0.04596 69 57 12 0
4541 I know you recommended hiding in the cupboard for a week, but I'm still anxious about the big 0-3. 1.1739 0.05039 69 58 10 1
4542 …My owner was mad, but I had no choice but to poop in the living room…! 1.1739 0.04596 69 57 12 0
4543 I'm just really worried it's because she caught me licking my balls. 1.1733 0.04792 75 63 11 1
4544 This therapy session has definitely not gone to the dogs! 1.1733 0.04792 75 63 11 1
4545 Since when did arching their back and hissing mean ‘No?’” 1.1733 0.04400 75 62 13 0
4546 Started as enemies, now we're here. 1.1733 0.04400 75 62 13 0
4547 Remind me, what do you put in your salad Nicoise. 1.1733 0.05155 75 64 9 2
4548 I think it started when we named him Ivan… 1.1733 0.04792 75 63 11 1
4549 I've grown accustomed to her face. 1.1733 0.04792 75 63 11 1
4550 You know how it is—you'd think rolling over was a spectacular achievement. 1.1733 0.04400 75 62 13 0
4551 So, so many cars that got away. I've only just begun. 1.1733 0.04792 75 63 11 1
4552 It's only a recession if dogs don't eat. 1.1733 0.04792 75 63 11 1
4553 You're saying that I should feel inferior? 1.1733 0.05155 75 64 9 2
4554 My boyfriend told me to see a therapist, and now you're telling me to dump him? 1.1733 0.05155 75 64 9 2
4555 I had other ideas when you said transformational. 1.1733 0.04792 75 63 11 1
4556 Sometimes my inner self just wants to say, 'meow it'. 1.1733 0.04792 75 63 11 1
4557 No sir, not this mask. 1.1733 0.04400 75 62 13 0
4558 I think I have an identity crisis 1.1728 0.04578 81 68 12 1
4559 But my mother really WAS a bitch! 1.1728 0.04578 81 68 12 1
4560 I cater to his every need and still he chases after pussies who don't even try! 1.1728 0.04903 81 69 10 2
4561 Then I pushed the papers on the floor. Does that sound crazy? 1.1728 0.04903 81 69 10 2
4562 I have this horrible dream weekly where I'm a dog on a couch and the shrink listening is a cat! 1.1728 0.05209 81 70 8 3
4563 I'm afraid my fear of cats is getting worse. 1.1728 0.04903 81 69 10 2
4564 I'm trying to get past these delusions that everyone around me is an enemy. 1.1728 0.04903 81 69 10 2
4565 I'd say it all started when I realized it doesn't really make its own gravy. 1.1728 0.04227 81 67 14 0
4566 On the plus side, I don't chase my tail anymore, but my flea collar was more comfortable than this starched one. 1.1728 0.04578 81 68 12 1
4567 Are you caterwauling me? 1.1728 0.05209 81 70 8 3
4568 I know you're not listening but I'm gonna cry my eyes out anyway. 1.1728 0.04903 81 69 10 2
4569 Do you take my insurance? 1.1728 0.04903 81 69 10 2
4570 Sometimes I feel catatonic and it sends me into an identity crisis. 1.1728 0.04578 81 68 12 1
4571 I dunno doc, every morning I wake up convinced I'm an injured field mouse. 1.1728 0.04903 81 69 10 2
4572 I just feel like I really wasted my puppy years. Not all of us have nine lives, you know? 1.1728 0.04227 81 67 14 0
4573 So, if I don’t like cats, why do I think I am one? 1.1724 0.04073 87 72 15 0
4574 As a cat, can you refer to me as a 'that'. Hey! It's a start. It rhymes. 1.1724 0.04684 87 74 11 2
4575 We can't keep meeting like this. 1.1724 0.04684 87 74 11 2
4576 It took me some time but maybe you are right, not everybody in the world loves me 1.1724 0.05575 58 49 8 1
4577 The belly rubs have just been kind of lack luster these past few days, you know? 1.1724 0.04389 87 73 13 1
4578 We keep going around in circles, and that’s not just because you chase your own tail 1.1720 0.03935 93 77 16 0
4579 Would you prefer that I were a mouse? 1.1719 0.04753 64 53 11 0
4580 Put yourself in my paws… 1.1719 0.04753 64 53 11 0
4581 How come they get to have nine lives? 1.1719 0.05249 64 54 9 1
4582 I'm hoping you expertise will help me cope with the cat and mouse dilemmas I have to deal with daily. 1.1717 0.04317 99 84 13 2
4583 ...and I can't explain why I'm attracted to cat litter. My friends make fun of me, and then I get my back up and hiss. 1.1714 0.04973 70 59 10 1
4584 I still don't understand. Why does it have to rain cats and dogs? 1.1714 0.05745 70 61 6 3
4585 Yap yap yap! Blah blah blah! I am so tired of your obedience crap! 1.1714 0.04973 70 59 10 1
4586 I just broke it off. I was tired of this cat and mouse game. 1.1714 0.04973 70 59 10 1
4587 Let's see, most psychological problems stem from problems with the mother, and your mother is a ...bingo. I think we have a good starting point. 1.1714 0.05745 70 61 6 3
4588 ….and then one day, my owner stopped buying Benny Bully Treats… 1.1714 0.04973 70 59 10 1
4589 I had another flying dream least night, and no, I still didn't land on my feet. 1.1714 0.05373 70 60 8 2
4590 Litter box envy? Is that even a thing? 1.1714 0.04973 70 59 10 1
4591 One minute I'm feline fine and the next it's cat-astrophe... 1.1714 0.05373 70 60 8 2
4592 You’ve never heard of a guilt complex? 1.1711 0.04348 76 63 13 0
4593 I tried to be her friend but she hisses and scratches my nose with her claws. 1.1711 0.05091 76 65 9 2
4594 Sometimes I don't know if I'm a dog sewn to a human's body or a human sewn to a dog's head and paws. 1.1711 0.04734 76 64 11 1
4595 I keep submitting jokes to the New Yorker caption contest but they never pick them. My wife says I should find a new hobby but I don’t want to. I’m strongly considering 1.1711 0.05425 76 66 7 3
4596 This session's tax-deductible, right?" 1.1711 0.05091 76 65 9 2
4597 I just need more stimulus. Chasing a ball can be so boring after a while. 1.1711 0.04734 76 64 11 1
4598 Yes, down deep I do believe you’re a good boy, Milo. But we might want to examine why you chase me all the way to work every morning. 1.1711 0.05091 76 65 9 2
4599 I pissed my pants five times on the way over here ...... 1.1711 0.04734 76 64 11 1
4600 She eats my food when I'm not looking. 1.1711 0.05091 76 65 9 2
4601 And your son wants to marry a cat! 1.1711 0.04734 76 64 11 1
4602 ...I've always felt safer around cats. Anyway, all my girlfriend's looked like my mother, is that normal? 1.1711 0.04734 76 64 11 1
4603 I guess I do have a tendency to bury things…” -Lizzy keer 1.1711 0.04734 76 64 11 1
4604 I’ve been struggling to channel my inner golden retriever energy lately 1.1711 0.04734 76 64 11 1
4605 Well, my fear of cats begn when I was a puppy... 1.1707 0.04848 82 70 10 2
4606 Tuna. Yes I think I'll have tuna for dinner. 1.1707 0.04527 82 69 12 1
4607 For me,it's the negative self-bark. 1.1707 0.04848 82 70 10 2
4608 I think you need to rethink this relationship, cats don't make the best listeners. 1.1707 0.04848 82 70 10 2
4609 Do you understand? Because, Im starting to think you doing even like walks! 1.1707 0.04527 82 69 12 1
4610 I’ve not been able to trust my judgment lately. 1.1705 0.04634 88 75 11 2
4611 You don't belong on that couch. 1.1705 0.04908 88 76 9 3
4612 I feel as if everyone is against me. 1.1705 0.04634 88 75 11 2
4613 The kitty litter nightmares! Please help me. 1.1705 0.04343 88 74 13 1
4614 I’ve been so dog tired recently that I wonder if I’v been pussy whipped. 1.1702 0.04180 94 79 14 1
4615 I don't know why I feel this way? Why do I care what my owner thinks of me? Am I sane? Am I... wait, are you even listening to me? 1.1702 0.04180 94 79 14 1
4616 I feel like my place in the world isn’t secure anymore. 1.1700 0.03775 100 83 17 0
4617 I feel judged and I don't know if this is helping. 1.1695 0.04926 59 49 10 0
4618 he always said I was his Best Friend … then they took in this hey … wait a minute! 1.1695 0.05997 59 51 6 2
4619 Your little sister and I are in a relationship. 1.1692 0.05620 65 56 7 2
4620 Actually, I would prefer a dog as a doctor. 1.1692 0.05174 65 55 9 1
4621 Life can be ruff, just try to focus on the meow to get thru the day 1.1692 0.05174 65 55 9 1
4622 I am very sorry Dr. Katz that I chased you around your office last week…but it IS an urge that I just can’t control. 1.1690 0.04908 71 60 10 1
4623 I constantly bark at our neighbor. Don't think you'd understand. 1.1690 0.04908 71 60 10 1
4624 Are you feeling she is too forward? 1.1690 0.05302 71 61 8 2
4625 It’s a recurring nightmare. I am lost in desert, dying of thirst, all the while being mocked by by countless talking fire hydrants. 1.1690 0.04908 71 60 10 1
4626 I just don’t feel like I fit in with the rest of society. I genuinely want to please others, eat all of my food quickly and with pleasure, and have no need to knock everything off the kitchen counters. 1.1690 0.05302 71 61 8 2
4627 After all these dog years, I'm still asking the question,'Who am I?' " Therapist scribbles on notepad, "Pick up some milk on the way home. 1.1690 0.04479 71 59 12 0
4628 So what do you think happened to the kitten you chased ? 1.1690 0.04908 71 60 10 1
4629 Doctor, why are you so obsessed with scheduling me for radiology? 1.1690 0.04908 71 60 10 1
4630 You are the only one I can trust 1.1690 0.04908 71 60 10 1
4631 And you’re sad because your owner has been gone for five minutes? Please tell me more.” 1.1688 0.05030 77 66 9 2
4632 Maybe we could try some role playing? 1.1688 0.04678 77 65 11 1
4633 I could not compete with all that purring and other cat stuff for their love 1.1688 0.04678 77 65 11 1
4634 I’ve spent too long pretending to be a dog person. 1.1688 0.05359 77 67 7 3
4635 If twenty percent of animals slaughtered are turned into pet food, where does the rest go? 1.1688 0.05030 77 66 9 2
4636 I feel like I’m only faking this anthropomorphic lifestyle. 1.1688 0.04678 77 65 11 1
4637 Well if they could invent a dog litter box the best friend quid pro quo would not exist 1.1688 0.04678 77 65 11 1
4638 I feel we would make a lot more progress with the tail chasing if you were not so goddamned snooty. 1.1688 0.05030 77 66 9 2
4639 Doc, I need help recovering my dog brain, 1.1688 0.04678 77 65 11 1
4640 Let’s explore forgiveness. 1.1688 0.05030 77 66 9 2
4641 And how does that make you feel-ine? 1.1688 0.04678 77 65 11 1
4642 Sometimes I'll give them my paw and get not the slightest recognition. The question is, should I even care? 1.1688 0.05030 77 66 9 2
4643 I’m not sure why my insurance paired us to help my feline phobias. 1.1688 0.04297 77 64 13 0
4644 Every time I’m here with you I can’t overcome the feeling that it is raining very hard. 1.1688 0.05030 77 66 9 2
4645 I'm suffering from chronic loss of status anxiety 1.1688 0.05359 77 67 7 3
4646 No, I'm quite fond of the mailman, but I am so distracted by all the birds! 1.1688 0.04678 77 65 11 1
4647 It's hard being vulnerable with you. 1.1688 0.04678 77 65 11 1
4648 I'm hoping you help resolve my anxiety that our owner might not come back 1.1688 0.04297 77 64 13 0
4649 Somehow I don't feel we have a good rapport. 1.1687 0.04476 83 70 12 1
4650 There’s something about our session that feels triggering. 1.1687 0.04476 83 70 12 1
4651 I haven't been able to associate with my own kind since Frenchie ran off with that German Shepherd. 1.1687 0.04476 83 70 12 1
4652 It's a dog's life, finally getting to lie in the couch while some cat who call's himself Doc picks his brain. 1.1687 0.04793 83 71 10 2
4653 I refuse to let my sartorial standards drop now I'm no longer CEO. 1.1687 0.05091 83 72 8 3
4654 I have reoccurring dreams of cats making me lay down. Wait a minute...... 1.1685 0.04586 89 76 11 2
4655 I just don't know what to do with my nine lives. 1.1685 0.04856 89 77 9 3
4656 Money Money Money....listening to Bark Bark Bark all day... 1.1685 0.03991 89 74 15 0
4657 Full disclosure, in regards to domestic issues with other pets, my council is quite biased. 1.1685 0.03991 89 74 15 0
4658 My neighbor Rex attacked a kid once. I have a moral dilemma with him going to heaven, too. 1.1684 0.04650 95 82 10 3
4659 How long have you been feeling like you are surrounded by people that are always "out to get you"? 1.1667 0.04623 78 66 11 1
4660 I've been extremely nervous because my owner married someone named Katz 1.1667 0.04970 78 67 9 2
4661 My family has just adopted a cat. He doesn't like me. Can you help? 1.1667 0.04845 72 61 10 1
4662 Arf arf (whimper) oooooo ? 1.1667 0.05233 72 62 8 2
4663 Is conflict just a rival feel good feeling? 1.1667 0.05102 66 56 9 1
4664 You name it; I hate it. Walks. Sticks. Petting. Balls. Leaches. Kids. I just want to sleep, put my face in some nip and be left alone. 1.1667 0.04740 84 72 10 2
4665 Let’s try some cool indifference strategies to diffuse your anxiety around being be a “good boy.” 1.1667 0.04845 72 61 10 1
4666 What does “non-binary” even mean? 1.1667 0.05102 66 56 9 1
4667 I'm just a square with a horn That makes them wish they weren't born 1.1667 0.04623 78 66 11 1
4668 That's actually a technical term, OK, Doc? That's literally what my wife is called — got it? So you can stop with the high and mighty act. Now, where was I? Right. So anyway, I'm sitting there watching the game and my bitch wife comes home... 1.1667 0.04623 66 55 11 0
4669 Don't you feel guilty being here when it's raining so hard out outside? 1.1667 0.04970 78 67 9 2
4670 Well, well...Look what the cat dragged in! 1.1667 0.04623 78 66 11 1
4671 It's no longer good enough to be just a 'good boy', now I need to be a 'good man'. 1.1667 0.04970 78 67 9 2
4672 So purring is positive? And here I am, growling back like a dingo. 1.1667 0.04247 78 65 13 0
4673 I only chased cats because that's what the president told me to do. 1.1667 0.04845 72 61 10 1
4674 Our clothes conceal our respective true nature. 1.1667 0.05540 66 57 7 2
4675 I just can't help it--I've ALWAYS liked cats. 1.1667 0.04740 84 72 10 2
4676 I'm finding it difficult to have positive transference feelings for you. 1.1667 0.04970 78 67 9 2
4677 Oh my, July 4th is merely a celebration, I guess I will up your dosage 1.1667 0.05233 72 62 8 2
4678 Is it weird that I like to catch and eat mice? My family thinks so. I guess that 1.1667 0.04623 78 66 11 1
4679 I feel the dog days of summer. 1.1667 0.04623 66 55 11 0
4680 The truth is, deep down I'm terrified of kittens." 1.1667 0.05233 72 62 8 2
4681 When do you bring out the dirty pictures? 1.1667 0.05102 66 56 9 1
4682 This transference is killing my reputation. 1.1667 0.04623 78 66 11 1
4683 Yes, it was me who ate the entire cake off the counter, but I just couldn’t admit it. 1.1667 0.04427 84 71 12 1
4684 You cats have it all figured out. 1.1667 0.05540 66 57 7 2
4685 I was hesitant about seeing a cat but I heard you were really good. 1.1667 0.05233 72 62 8 2
4686 Spare me. Another story of unrequited puppy love. 1.1667 0.05034 84 73 8 3
4687 I don't understand, I lied and I thought I won that damn thing!!" 1.1667 0.04970 78 67 9 2
4688 Waddaya keep scratching on that notepad for? 1.1667 0.05540 66 57 7 2
4689 You say your mom was a bitch. Tell me more about that. 1.1667 0.05233 72 62 8 2
4690 So I need to be walked twice a day. Does that make me less desirable? 1.1667 0.04427 84 71 12 1
4691 It’s not my mother, it’s the mouse in me I worry about. 1.1667 0.04247 78 65 13 0
4692 I see. Well, have you tried pushing stuff off of the counter in protest? 1.1667 0.05595 72 63 6 3
4693 My partners says all I do is bark,bark,and bark at her! 1.1667 0.04427 84 71 12 1
4694 Just like you, I have a hard time thinking outside the box! 1.1667 0.05403 60 51 8 1
4695 Everytime I hear a bell, I just start salivating. I can’t help it! Does that ever happen to you? Is that normal? 1.1667 0.04100 96 81 14 1
4696 Dog: The squirrel got away! And master was mad... Cat: Have you tried killing the squirrel? Gift giving is a human love language. 1.1667 0.04247 78 65 13 0
4697 It’s your natural instinct, but in order to have a productive session you need to stop chasing me out of the room. 1.1667 0.05233 72 62 8 2
4698 Maybe youre chasing your tail bc you are living your life as if you dont have 9 of them… 1.1667 0.05595 72 63 6 3
4699 I think my identity crisis started when they asked me "who's a good boy" several times a day 1.1667 0.04423 72 60 12 0
4700 I just find myself barking at people I don 1.1649 0.04318 97 83 12 2
4701 I could sit in your chair if I had opposable thumbs. 1.1648 0.04212 91 77 13 1
4702 I don't know why people call me a spieceist bully 1.1648 0.04756 91 79 9 3
4703 What's this trans fur ance you keep talking about? 1.1648 0.04756 91 79 9 3
4704 I've come to the conclusion that my authentic self is feline. 1.1647 0.04978 85 74 8 3
4705 I just can't figure you women out! No matter how courteous or non sexual I act, they STILL call me a dog!!! 1.1647 0.04379 85 72 12 1
4706 It is hard enough that my shrink is a cat, but even harder you are a priest as well. 1.1647 0.04978 85 74 8 3
4707 We’re caught in a trap… 1.1647 0.04379 85 72 12 1
4708 You too much idealized cats by not wagging your tail enough & that caused you trouble 1.1647 0.04978 85 74 8 3
4709 I don't understand why people hate us. We have to wake the whole city up at 4 a.m.! 1.1647 0.04379 85 72 12 1
4710 I'm thinking about transitioning, but can't decide whether I want to be a male cat or a female cat. 1.1646 0.04568 79 67 11 1
4711 I’m going to need subtitles to understand you. 1.1646 0.04568 79 67 11 1
4712 Actually, my mother always wanted to be a cat... 1.1646 0.04568 79 67 11 1
4713 You bark and I will take notes” I tried to be mans best friend but he loved cats 1.1646 0.04568 79 67 11 1
4714 My anxiety has been at its peak ever since I realized that no matter how much I chase my tail it's always going to stay attached to my body. 1.1646 0.04911 79 68 9 2
4715 Do you hear racists whistling, or is it just me? 1.1646 0.04911 79 68 9 2
4716 Being his best friend feels like I'm being starved 1.1646 0.05231 79 69 7 3
4717 Not another over belly rubbed, low territory marking Millennial! 1.1646 0.04198 79 66 13 0
4718 Mindhunter…. 1.1646 0.04198 79 66 13 0
4719 I truly belive there's a difference between dog people and cat people. 1.1646 0.04198 79 66 13 0
4720 and then I thought to myself; something maybe displaced in my life 1.1646 0.05231 79 69 7 3
4721 I KNOW it's wrong, but it's just sitting there, glistening in the sand... 1.1644 0.04368 73 61 12 0
4722 Are you saying that I’m the problem? 1.1644 0.04784 73 62 10 1
4723 ... but am I really a good boy? Uh - Doc? Are you listening to me? 1.1644 0.05166 73 63 8 2
4724 Enough with the jokes. Did you school in the Catskills? 1.1644 0.05522 73 64 6 3
4725 My wife is a calico and her mother hate me. 1.1644 0.04784 73 62 10 1
4726 You’re such a dog. Spend a day in my paws and all your problems will vanish. 1.1644 0.05522 73 64 6 3
4727 No no, carry on. Don't be so dogmatic, humping a pillow is not a sign of purr-version. 1.1644 0.05522 73 64 6 3
4728 Conflict just seems to find me, Doc. 1.1644 0.05166 73 63 8 2
4729 At least we’re not conscious animals 1.1644 0.05166 73 63 8 2
4730 I feel like the whole world is going to the cats 1.1644 0.04368 73 61 12 0
4731 - … then he leaves at 8 am everyday. And I am there, completely alone until the evening, with food, water and the whole house for myself. It is depressing, isn’t it? 1.1644 0.04368 73 61 12 0
4732 Yes, so I still have a fetch and sit and good boy compulsion...try not using the litter box kitty 1.1644 0.05522 73 64 6 3
4733 In my dream this ferocious tiger kept attacking me 1.1644 0.04784 73 62 10 1
4734 I'm working two shifts and still he never calls me a good boy. 1.1644 0.04784 73 62 10 1
4735 This session is about roles and responsibilities,so for the next 45 minutes I will refer to you as fido and I am felix. If you have any questions please raise your paw 1.1642 0.05031 67 57 9 1
4736 I can’t shed the thought that I only have one life to live. 1.1642 0.05862 67 59 5 3
4737 That's easy for you to say, you've got nine lives, I've only got one to live! 1.1642 0.05031 67 57 9 1
4738 Now I've started seeing cats everywhere. My wife thinks I'm paranoid. 1.1642 0.05462 67 58 7 2
4739 Of course I'm skeptical. My last therapist preferred operant conditioning. 1.1642 0.05031 67 57 9 1
4740 The best you can say is “don’t blame the cat?” 1.1642 0.05862 67 59 5 3
4741 And we're the weaklings? 1.1642 0.05862 67 59 5 3
4742 So suddenly it’s not ok to sniff my aide’s behind without the press putting me straight into the doghouse? 1.1642 0.05462 67 58 7 2
4743 For this to work, first I’ll need to get rid of the dog (coughs), dogma. 1.1639 0.04779 61 51 10 0
4744 I keep having this dream where I trap you in my backyard. 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
4745 Don't know why doc, but I seem to be no longer interested in pussies. 1.1630 0.04169 92 78 13 1
4746 i’m worried Doc my hair keeps falling out. am i going bald? at age three, i’ll be hideous by five!! 1.1628 0.04332 86 73 12 1
4747 I'd trade you one of your lives for my dog house where she keeps sending me. 1.1628 0.04004 86 72 14 0
4748 Can you believe he thinks he's the most persecuted being in the world? 1.1628 0.04004 86 72 14 0
4749 Been having panic attacks ever since I ran away from the mouse! 1.1628 0.04332 86 73 12 1
4750 My life began with a catastrophe 1.1625 0.05169 80 70 7 3
4751 You don't take notes, you don't say anything--something feels repressed in my collective unconscious for the source of this antagonism that I can't quite get my teeth into. 1.1625 0.05169 80 70 7 3
4752 Some days it’s really hard to confront intergenerational trauma, you know? 1.1625 0.04516 80 68 11 1
4753 1,000 years of evolutionary history, and all I lost was a tail. 1.1625 0.04853 80 69 9 2
4754 I chased down and killed 17 aardvarks last week. You can't report that, right? Patient confidentiality? Anyway, my breakthrough is I'm going to stop wearing this head mask, which means during our sessions you can remove yours as well. Burrrrrrrrp! 1.1625 0.04853 80 69 9 2
4755 SO WHY DO DOGS CHASE CARS? 1.1625 0.04516 80 68 11 1
4756 I’m mostly dog-tired and conflicted. My puppy love calls me “the cats pajamas.” What ever is she telling me? 1.1625 0.04516 80 68 11 1
4757 I guess it comes down to feelings of inadequacy about the size of my fight... 1.1625 0.04516 80 68 11 1
4758 It’s dog eat dog out there. Know what I mean? 1.1625 0.04516 80 68 11 1
4759 Recurrent dreams about my obedience teacher named Katz. 1.1622 0.04724 74 63 10 1
4760 It's a dog eat dog world out there, so I decided that you'd be the best shrink to help me with the stress. 1.1622 0.05101 74 64 8 2
4761 Look, I like roleplay as much as the next furry, but when are we gonna screw? 1.1622 0.04724 74 63 10 1
4762 And then, as if all that wasn't bad enough, I decide to go to a shrink, and... 1.1622 0.04314 74 62 12 0
4763 You don't know how good you have it. No commands to obey, no leash...and indoor kitty litter! 1.1622 0.04724 74 63 10 1
4764 YES,WE FIGHT LIKE DOGS AND CATS. 1.1622 0.04724 74 63 10 1
4765 So it's hopeless,right. 1.1622 0.05451 74 65 6 3
4766 Its depressing. I feel like I'm only accepted when I'm "obedient." 1.1622 0.04314 74 62 12 0
4767 I am not a scaredy cat! 1.1622 0.04314 74 62 12 0
4768 So you say the apartment is 2 bedroom, 2 bath and rent controlled. How long have you been experiencing this psychosis? 1.1619 0.04306 105 91 11 3
4769 What do you think about…the frequency…of sessions? 1.1618 0.05780 68 60 5 3
4770 I’m sure you can understand my pet peeve. 1.1618 0.04963 68 58 9 1
4771 When I look in the mirror I don’t even recognize the dog staring back at me. 1.1618 0.04963 68 58 9 1
4772 When you're told to count the number of Duck's on the Pond, it is not proper to hit your Master with a branch and reply, "there's so many you can shake a stick at them." 1.1618 0.05387 68 59 7 2
4773 We lopped off our owners' heads and carefully sewed our own heads onto their dead bodies and still I'm depressed. 1.1618 0.05387 68 59 7 2
4774 I think I'm having an identity crises. I've been pooping in the litter box. 1.1618 0.04963 68 58 9 1
4775 I think you're holding back from yourself. Come on---let me out of the bag. 1.1618 0.05387 68 59 7 2
4776 If you lived here, you’d be home by now. 1.1618 0.04963 68 58 9 1
4777 Major: "You can't tell anyone but when I was lying under the Resolute Desk the other day, I overheard Pelosi in the Oval Office say that her hairdresser had moved to Taiwan and now she's desperate to go out there." 1.1613 0.05137 93 83 5 5
4778 What's wrong with me that I like to chase mice so much? 1.1609 0.03962 87 73 14 0
4779 Here kitty, kitty. 1.1609 0.05137 87 77 6 4
4780 I'm afraid I like playing with my food. 1.1607 0.05569 56 48 7 1
4781 The rat race just doesn't 1.1605 0.04797 81 70 9 2
4782 Why do you always get the best chair? 1.1605 0.04464 81 69 11 1
4783 Just curious, do you own a dog? 1.1605 0.04797 81 70 9 2
4784 Even here, you’re too dependent. 1.1605 0.04104 81 68 13 0
4785 Seriously Rueger,, I recommend you use a RBF and act less enthusiast every time you see them 1.1605 0.04464 81 69 11 1
4786 Doc, I don’t think you understand but my fiancé refuses to take my last name Katz 1.1605 0.05109 81 71 7 3
4787 I'm starting to think maybe I'm not a cat person after all 1.1605 0.04464 81 69 11 1
4788 My wife thinks that the reason I chose you is because I have an Oedipussycat complex. 1.1600 0.04262 75 63 12 0
4789 They always want to play catch,but never ask when it catches up with you 1.1600 0.04262 75 63 12 0
4790 I keep hearing people saying "It's reigning cats and dogs!", and it's just too much pressure, Doctor. 1.1600 0.04665 75 64 10 1
4791 I’m finally having one of those days 1.1600 0.04197 100 86 12 2
4792 So, why do you think your owners brought you to T-H-E-R-A-P-Y? 1.1600 0.04665 75 64 10 1
4793 OK Doc, it was the cats, the damn cats! 1.1600 0.04665 75 64 10 1
4794 I feel like we are going around in circles 1.1600 0.04665 75 64 10 1
4795 Is that really how you feel? 1.1600 0.04665 75 64 10 1
4796 Tell me more about how you imagined you were Trump, but you misunderstood his language. 1.1596 0.03797 94 79 15 0
4797 I always wanted to Meow like you, Doctor. 1.1596 0.04088 94 80 13 1
4798 I feel like I'm trapped inside a dog's body while yearning to play with balls of yarn. 1.1594 0.04896 69 59 9 1
4799 I have trust issues. Like... I don't even trust you. 1.1594 0.04896 69 59 9 1
4800 Then I'm naked and everyone's holding me. 1.1594 0.05313 69 60 7 2
4801 We're still dogs, aren't we? 1.1594 0.04896 69 59 9 1
4802 I can still feel their cold hands on my teeth when they pried the tennis ball out of my mouth…😖 I don’t think I’ll ever recover. You don’t know what that’s like. 1.1594 0.04439 69 58 11 0
4803 ... and quite frankly doctor, I have the feeling you actually don't care a bit about my situation 1.1594 0.04439 69 58 11 0
4804 It started with me chasing a ball when I was a pup… then it just became so political and who I was going to chase, 1.1591 0.04539 88 76 10 2
4805 What I'm hearing is: the reason you always roll over is because your mother was a bitch. 1.1591 0.04818 88 77 8 3
4806 He’ll get the message when I scratch him good. 1.1591 0.04241 88 75 12 1
4807 So just when did this pattern of meowing at the mailman start? 1.1591 0.04818 88 77 8 3
4808 …I didn’t know that was the reason they were putting me on the leash. 1.1591 0.04539 88 76 10 2
4809 that sounds like a you problem. 1.1591 0.04818 88 77 8 3
4810 I am highly qualified. My family renewed my Emotional Support Animal certification last week. 1.1587 0.05163 63 54 8 1
4811 I hate Mondays, doc. 1.1587 0.05163 63 54 8 1
4812 I can’t help thinking that this is all some dream, and that I’ll wake up one day at the end of some human’s bed. 1.1587 0.04641 63 53 10 0
4813 I feel I stepped in doo-doo this time. Any suggestions? 1.1585 0.04414 82 70 11 1
4814 My resentment of cats seems innate. 1.1585 0.04414 82 70 11 1
4815 Sometimes I find myself looking for mice. 1.1585 0.04414 82 70 11 1
4816 And when did you first become aware of those feelings? 1.1585 0.04743 82 71 9 2
4817 A big misunderstanding… I chase them just to have a conversation. 1.1585 0.04414 82 70 11 1
4818 What I’m saying is bottom line dog wives are incapable of appreciating their dog husbands. 1.1585 0.04743 82 71 9 2
4819 You’re barking up the wrong tree, pal. She’s just not the purrfect match for you. 1.1585 0.04414 82 70 11 1
4820 I worshipped my mother, you know, in a 'Bastet' kind of way. 1.1585 0.05050 82 72 7 3
4821 They took down the Black Lives Matter sign. 1.1585 0.04058 82 69 13 0
4822 This guilt feeling is because I was never allowed on the couch, not because of that cat I caught. 1.1585 0.04743 82 71 9 2
4823 Sometimes I feel all I can do is bark. 1.1579 0.04975 76 66 8 2
4824 I’m worried people will judge me for riding around in a purse. 1.1579 0.04211 76 64 12 0
4825 It all started when I got pulled over for driving with my head hanging out the window, then they noticed I had no tags. Well they took me to the pound and I ain’t gonna lie, that place was lit! 1.1579 0.04975 76 66 8 2
4826 It really started when my parents divorced and my father married an unsympathetic American Bobtail. I hated my stepmother. 1.1579 0.04608 76 65 10 1
4827 Have you tried sleeping on the rug? 1.1579 0.04608 76 65 10 1
4828 I feel like I'm aging in dog years. 1.1579 0.04211 76 64 12 0
4829 Yes, I'm all too familiar with "fetch " in the work place. 1.1579 0.04608 76 65 10 1
4830 My uncluttered mind just leaves me wanting to bark and bite 1.1579 0.04975 76 66 8 2
4831 Well Dr. Katz I know it's typical to blame the mother but she did eat my sister, maybe thats why I was adopted......" 1.1579 0.04608 76 65 10 1
4832 Tell me more about this need to be loved by everyone. 1.1579 0.04608 76 65 10 1
4833 You should reduce your need for validation that you are a good boy, and you should definitely not expect it from me 1.1579 0.05316 76 67 6 3
4834 Tell me more about your Dam and Sire. Were they emotionally available to you as a puppy? 1.1579 0.04211 76 64 12 0
4835 Sure, I do that, all day and night. But look who I'm talking to. 1.1573 0.04197 89 76 12 1
4836 Honestly, I am just not sure this is going to be a "good fit." 1.1571 0.04381 70 59 11 0
4837 Men - women. Cats - Dogs. Tell me more about your deminished sense of self. 1.1571 0.05242 70 61 7 2
4838 And sometimes a litter box is just a litter box? 1.1571 0.04831 70 60 9 1
4839 Allow me to clarify; self-care should not include eating your own feces. 1.1571 0.04381 70 59 11 0
4840 Let the Hound be relaxed.....Tom 1.1569 0.04120 102 88 12 2
4841 Pigs; fowl; cows! What’s to stop the humans from factory-farming us? 1.1566 0.04014 83 70 13 0
4842 How you gonna keep ‘em down on the farm, after they’ve been in ther-a-py ? 1.1566 0.04992 83 73 7 3
4843 Are you saying love isn’t enough? 1.1566 0.04992 83 73 7 3
4844 I'm conflicted, doc. I hate you, but I also want to eat your poop. 1.1566 0.04689 83 72 9 2
4845 i think peeing when my human friend leaves means i have attachment issues 1.1566 0.04992 83 73 7 3
4846 Patient Dog: “sometimes, It’s probably just me, but it’s like i’m under appreciated and misheard. All I want to do is bring happiness and joy into peoples lives…. leaving them happier than when I met them.” Dr Feline: (btw, her first name is doctor): “whatever, you whitney b1tćh” oh wait, @misterstetson …. is this like an ink blot test???! 😂 1.1566 0.04364 83 71 11 1
4847 This best friend of yours, you seem to think about him a lot, let's dive into that... 1.1566 0.05279 83 74 5 4
4848 It’s the expectation that I want to be best friends just because he throws sticks that I can’t abide… 1.1566 0.04992 83 73 7 3
4849 It's a knick knack, Patty Wack, give this frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone! 1.1562 0.05088 64 55 8 1
4850 Sometimes I feel like running in circles isn’t getting me anywhere 1.1562 0.04575 64 54 10 0
4851 So you really get into the whole Halloween thing here I guess, eh? 1.1558 0.04914 77 67 8 2
4852 I'm sorry, I don't take your insurance. 1.1558 0.04914 77 67 8 2
4853 What’s the matter? Cat got your tongue? 1.1558 0.05250 77 68 6 3
4854 What really is a ‘good boy’? His definition is inconsistent, which is where I think all my insecurities stem from. 1.1558 0.04914 77 67 8 2
4855 My advice to you is to just ignore them. 1.1556 0.04717 90 79 8 3
4856 As I expected,you have all of the traits of someone with an anxious attachment style. 1.1556 0.04717 90 79 8 3
4857 Forgive me for asking doctor, but are you sure, in my case, you are within your wheelhouse? 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
4858 „I‘m a cat, I‘m a cat, I‘m a cat…“ 1.1556 0.04444 90 78 10 2
4859 Have you tried rolling your eyes and walking away when they as “who’s the good boy?” 1.1556 0.03842 90 76 14 0
4860 Tell me more about your mother 1.1552 0.05390 58 50 7 1
4861 I know you’re here to help, but for some reason I really hate you… 1.1552 0.05390 58 50 7 1
4862 I’m really not feline like myself these days 1.1552 0.05924 58 51 5 2
4863 We're having the rug cleaned so I have to take our little problem out for a walk. 1.1549 0.05172 71 62 7 2
4864 I’m just kinda hardwired that way… 1.1549 0.04325 71 60 11 0
4865 My dad wanted me to follow him and become a corporate head hunter Or the hunters beagle. I am just a plain ole hound dog,a mutt Mom understood and supported thst. I can’t still the angst. 1.1549 0.04767 71 61 9 1
4866 I don’t know I’ve just always had this feeling that maybe people are working against me. 1.1549 0.04325 71 60 11 0
4867 I start out as the life of the party but before long I'm just the clown. 1.1549 0.04767 71 61 9 1
4868 I just can't seem to do my business.” 1.1549 0.05172 71 62 7 2
4869 Suddenly, it started raining cats and dogs. And that’s when I woke up. 1.1549 0.05172 71 62 7 2
4870 What’s the matter? You’ve got nothing to say? The cat got your tongue? 1.1548 0.04637 84 73 9 2
4871 I have a confession. 1.1548 0.04637 84 73 9 2
4872 I cannot stand this dog eat dog world. 1.1548 0.04637 84 73 9 2
4873 And you see these suspicious, inquisitive, well dressed felines everywhere? 1.1548 0.04936 84 74 7 3
4874 I don’t know doc, I just don’t know how many more lame “guy talking to his therapist” comics I can take. 1.1546 0.04232 97 84 11 2
4875 I feel like you really, really care, and that's so rare for a - well, you know. 1.1538 0.05015 65 56 8 1
4876 So the humans don’t really love me? 1.1538 0.04112 78 66 12 0
4877 First it was a hand-operated sweeper; now it's an AI sweeper! 1.1538 0.04510 65 55 10 0
4878 It's the same rat race all day long 1.1538 0.04855 78 68 8 2
4879 Routine’s the way to go, right? 1.1538 0.04112 78 66 12 0
4880 What have I told you about laying on the couch? Bad! Now, tell me about your mother. 1.1538 0.04399 91 79 10 2
4881 I've tried and tried to chase cars but it just isn't the same. Jon Becker Auburn,MI 1.1538 0.04498 78 67 10 1
4882 Let’s end early today, Mr. Higgins. I’m getting the urge to pee on your face. 1.1538 0.04498 78 67 10 1
4883 Nice tie! 1.1538 0.04112 78 66 12 0
4884 Thank goodness I can lie on a couch here. Mr. Mittens makes sure that never happens at home. 1.1538 0.05186 78 69 6 3
4885 well I guess for YOU it’s not that hard to believe Emma is a cat person. 1.1538 0.03803 91 77 14 0
4886 I just can’t help but feel there’s a bit of a conflict of interest between us… 1.1538 0.05186 78 69 6 3
4887 Getting called out for dog days hurts. 1.1531 0.03933 98 84 13 1
4888 Your passive aggressive disdain towards my shame that I've been a failure as a cat chaser is Not working for me 1.1529 0.04585 85 74 9 2
4889 Same old story - he can’t catch a car. 1.1529 0.04585 85 74 9 2
4890 Annnd cut! George, Gina- great job today- i think we’ve got a modern day Coolidge- more species inclusive and gender neutral than that poker baloney. 1.1529 0.03927 85 72 13 0
4891 Tell me more about your ailurophobia. 1.1528 0.04706 72 62 9 1
4892 Have you always resented the fact that people call your mother a bitch? 1.1528 0.04270 72 61 11 0
4893 It's the same nightmare, slippers, papers, rolling over and finally beer! 1.1528 0.04706 72 62 9 1
4894 Spill it out, you have an urge to chase me around naked! 1.1528 0.04270 72 61 11 0
4895 When exactly would you say that your fascination with squirrels began? 1.1528 0.04706 72 62 9 1
4896 Thing is, I chase cats for no reason at all. 1.1528 0.05104 72 63 7 2
4897 Every night I have the same dream. I'm a dog laying on this couch and my analyst is a cat. I think I need a bone to chew on. 1.1528 0.05104 72 63 7 2
4898 Can you help doc? I'm leading a dog's life. 1.1528 0.04270 72 61 11 0
4899 And the she says, “You really dropped the ball.” 1.1528 0.04706 72 62 9 1
4900 I keep seeing cats everywhere I go. 1.1528 0.05104 72 63 7 2
4901 I feel safe here. 1.1528 0.05104 72 63 7 2
4902 I'm having nightmares that myself and others of my breed are being herded by a bunch of cats 1.1528 0.05104 72 63 7 2
4903 it sounds like you're a dog 1.1528 0.05474 72 64 5 3
4904 I'm worried that being allowed on your couch just isn't good enough anymore 1.1528 0.05104 72 63 7 2
4905 She told me that she is looking for a man who is "all dog". 1.1528 0.04270 72 61 11 0
4906 It’s a dog eat dog kind of world. 1.1528 0.04270 72 61 11 0
4907 Why must I be like that? Why must I chase the cat? 1.1528 0.05104 72 63 7 2
4908 Glad you tried but I'm afraid, turning into a dog is just not Kafkaesque enough... 1.1528 0.04706 72 62 9 1
4909 The Illumicati isn't real and even if it was we wouldn't have any interest in a nobody like you. 1.1525 0.05304 59 51 7 1
4910 I don’t know how you cats cope with our newfound world domination. Sometimes I just want to be called a “good boy.” 1.1522 0.04070 92 79 12 1
4911 Are you a cat hater, or merely a cat enthusiast? 1.1522 0.04070 92 79 12 1
4912 I see,so you’re a people pleaser. 1.1519 0.04064 79 67 12 0
4913 I'm sure you and I have both heard them all. The one that probably hurts me the most is 'a dog's breakfast'! 1.1519 0.04445 79 68 10 1
4914 Well Rex, "Pussy Envy" is treatable, and can often be traced to the earliest days in the litter. 1.1519 0.04445 79 68 10 1
4915 Speak, what seems to be the problem? Cat got your tongue? 1.1519 0.04797 79 69 8 2
4916 Well, I'm sure it's easier not to take things personally when you don't even know you have a name, Dr. Whiskers. Dr. Whiskers? 1.1519 0.04445 79 68 10 1
4917 I’m feeling the polarization Doc...it used to be a ‘dog collar’ World!! 1.1519 0.04445 79 68 10 1
4918 C'mon, how me a bone. 1.1519 0.04445 79 68 10 1
4919 'You should read Dogtor Seuss.' 1.1519 0.04445 79 68 10 1
4920 It sounds like you need to find something outside of food to make alone time fun. Have you tried yarn balls? 1.1519 0.04064 79 67 12 0
4921 Now that we’ve evolved, I have no clue how to spontaneously clean myself. 1.1515 0.04944 66 57 8 1
4922 It was then that I realized I could no longer work in law emforcement 1.1515 0.04944 66 57 8 1
4923 And then I finally answered his sarcasm with 'Well, woof-de-doo -doo to you too!' How do you like that -- Mr. Rin Tin Tin. And by the way, I always thought your name should have been Fido! 1.1515 0.05395 66 58 6 2
4924 It wasn't suicide ... I was trying to land on all-fours. 1.1515 0.04447 66 56 10 0
4925 No,you are not an elephant,you ae a donkey 1.1512 0.04223 86 74 11 1
4926 When she arrived I tried to contain my excitement but, you know, I just... You wouldn't understand anyway. 1.1512 0.03885 86 73 13 0
4927 My mother was a cat. 1.1512 0.04827 86 76 7 3
4928 You say in your dreams, that it only rains cats. Let's unpack that. Why do you think that might be? 1.1507 0.05038 73 64 7 2
4929 And then she said 'We don't need any more stinkin' hot dogs in this office!' Can you believe it?! 1.1507 0.04645 73 63 9 1
4930 I still can't get over wanting to purr 1.1507 0.05038 73 64 7 2
4931 Be vareful. I don't have nine lives. 1.1507 0.05038 73 64 7 2
4932 I married a bitch,I eat the same food every day,and the kids spoil the newspaper before I can read it. 1.1507 0.04645 73 63 9 1
4933 I came to my therapist for help but he was acting kind of catty 1.1507 0.04216 73 62 11 0
4934 I need to work on my aggressive tendencies toward other species. 1.1505 0.04573 93 82 8 3
4935 So, how long has it been since you started seeing cats everywhere? 1.1505 0.04310 93 81 10 2
4936 ``Barking seems so inappropriate for someone who feels so, so ... feline.'' 1.1505 0.04030 93 80 12 1
4937 No, I am not able to sign off on emotional support human paperwork” 1.1505 0.04573 93 82 8 3
4938 Its seems the fence isnt the only thing holding you back 1.1500 0.05221 60 52 7 1
4939 My mother always said I was the cat’s meow. 1.1500 0.04394 80 69 10 1
4940 Roger brought the purring little fuzz ball home without even asking me. I feel disrespected and in love at the same time. 1.1500 0.05063 80 71 6 3
4941 I was under the impression you'd be a CBT... 1.1500 0.04394 80 69 10 1
4942 ...And, (sniff) I feel that right now I should jump up and chase you around the room. 1.1500 0.04394 80 69 10 1
4943 Sure, I've tried to make friends, but they just roll up their eyes! 1.1494 0.04486 87 76 9 2
4944 So playing with a ball of yarn will cure my fetching addiction? 1.1493 0.04875 67 58 8 1
4945 I want everyone to know I am a cat without my having to tell them. 1.1493 0.04386 67 57 10 0
4946 and then I woke up but my pillow was missing. 1.1493 0.04386 67 57 10 0
4947 I'm in another 'Flowers for Algernon' funk. 1.1493 0.04875 67 58 8 1
4948 You tell me I am the master of my own household, but somehow I just don't feel it. 1.1493 0.04386 67 57 10 0
4949 So you’re saying, I should end my relationship with my owners and get out? 1.1493 0.04386 67 57 10 0
4950 My employer has me sleeping 18 to 20 hour days. 1.1493 0.05318 67 59 6 2
4951 Irreconciliable differences. I stopped sniffing her litter box. 1.1493 0.04386 67 57 10 0
4952 No, the cat does not have your tongue. 1.1493 0.04386 67 57 10 0
4953 I still have this urge to urinate when I pass a fire hydrant, or a large tree!! 1.1493 0.05318 67 59 6 2
4954 It just all comes back to then changing them brand of wee-wee pads at work. 1.1486 0.04164 74 63 11 0
4955 I don't know doctor. I just get the feeling that others engage with me with no more than disdainful detachment ... doctor ... doctor. 1.1486 0.04587 74 64 9 1
4956 I was chasing this cat, then I thought: Would would I do if I caught it. 1.1486 0.04164 74 63 11 0
4957 Does the popularity of #catsofinstagram mean that I'm not lovable enough? 1.1486 0.04587 74 64 9 1
4958 I sense something is wrong. 1.1486 0.04587 74 64 9 1
4959 Not sure if you can relate to this, but food issues are a big problem for me. 1.1486 0.04587 74 64 9 1
4960 Well, to be honest doc, the cat that’s sleeping with my wife looks just like you. It’s uncanny. But I think you’d have to institutionalize me if I were that delusional. 1.1486 0.04587 74 64 9 1
4961 Tell me about your puppy love while you catnap on my couch. 1.1486 0.04587 74 64 9 1
4962 I have this recurring nightmare…I wake up on the Planet of the Cats! 1.1481 0.04685 81 71 8 2
4963 It's raining so hard, that I can't think straight. 1.1481 0.04685 81 71 8 2
4964 Like I said, I’m having a dog’s day. It’s driving me barking mad. 1.1481 0.03972 81 69 12 0
4965 It won't be one puppy. That's the issue." 1.1481 0.04685 81 71 8 2
4966 I can hear the cat hasn't got your tongue. 1.1477 0.03804 88 75 13 0
4967 Doc,I'm having trouble sleeping with all of the dog whistle politics going on these days. 1.1477 0.04133 88 76 11 1
4968 I'm trying to help, but I don't think coming in here and saying, "S'up, Bugs," shows you are sufficiently serious about dealing with your problem! 1.1475 0.05647 61 54 5 2
4969 You recommend same sex, trans species dating? 1.1474 0.04225 95 83 10 2
4970 Me and cats don't get along. We fight like cats and dogs. I have a feeling that you would understand. 1.1471 0.04807 68 59 8 1
4971 Let me get this straight. You think are a human in a dog's body. I may have something similar. 1.1471 0.05244 68 60 6 2
4972 Oh my! That was cathartic, self-actualizing and archetypally liberating... but... I still want to kill you. 1.1471 0.04807 68 59 8 1
4973 I should have met with Dr. Rover instead. These repeated suggestions to act aloof aren’t me at all. 1.1471 0.04327 68 58 10 0
4974 I just never imagined it would be such a dog-eat-dog world. 1.1471 0.04807 68 59 8 1
4975 And who says we don't even have a word for it 1.1471 0.04327 68 58 10 0
4976 It’s a dog’s life. If I may be catty. 1.1471 0.04327 68 58 10 0
4977 I just didn't know they let cats be doctors. I'm sorry, is "cat" the right word? Not sure if that's PC anymore... 1.1467 0.04113 75 64 11 0
4978 I don't know what raining like cats and dogs even means. 1.1467 0.04113 75 64 11 0
4979 What if there really is no man beneath the suit? 1.1467 0.04530 75 65 9 1
4980 Damn it! I feel like I'm the Odie to your Garfield! 1.1467 0.04113 75 64 11 0
4981 I’m scared that the cat may plotting something against me. What do you think doc?…doc?…DOC??? 1.1467 0.04530 75 65 9 1
4982 Everything was duck jerky until I told her I used the rope and down rigger weights to teach cats how to swim. 1.1467 0.04911 75 66 7 2
4983 I was told that you can uniquely help me to overcome impulses that compel me to repeatedly perpetrate domestic cat violence. 1.1467 0.04530 75 65 9 1
4984 I’m terrified to be around my own kind. It’s a dog eat dog world. 1.1467 0.04530 75 65 9 1
4985 I have some more thoughts about poo. 1.1467 0.04530 75 65 9 1
4986 In my dream a big white cat's got my tongue. 1.1467 0.04530 75 65 9 1
4987 Listen, anyone who can afford my fee is no bonehead. 1.1467 0.04530 75 65 9 1
4988 Neurons that fire together, wire together. You can stop being addicted to cat chasing 1.1467 0.04530 75 65 9 1
4989 I don't even want to bark at strangers coming to the door, I am more inclined to swat at running water in the sink spigot and zoom around the house at 2am. 1.1463 0.03927 82 70 12 0
4990 My buddies think I'm out of my mind because I like to walk on kitchen counters. 1.1463 0.04631 82 72 8 2
4991 Today's focus is couples therapy to avoid fighting like cats and dogs. 1.1463 0.04293 82 71 10 1
4992 free association? I can't let the cat out of the bag! 1.1463 0.04631 82 72 8 2
4993 I'm starting to feel indifferent towards my master. 1.1463 0.04293 82 71 10 1
4994 And doctor, I hate cats! I plan to exterminate as many as show up at my door! Does that sound weird to you? I mean that you have a strong resemblance to a cat and if I were you, I'd be worried! 1.1463 0.04293 82 71 10 1
4995 Sometimes I think the world would be a better place without me. 1.1461 0.04673 89 79 7 3
4996 It's common among dogs in your situation to feel inadequate and less than your betters 1.1461 0.04090 89 77 11 1
4997 It’s 3a.m. Lets knock this issue off the table for now. 1.1452 0.05063 62 54 7 1
4998 When the doghouse rollover fetched bare bones I really bit the big one, so now I'm squatting in the damn kennel! 1.1452 0.05063 62 54 7 1
4999 Have you tried telling them that you are a good boy? 1.1452 0.05063 62 54 7 1
5000 Its been ruff ever since the pandemic ended. My owner is no longer monogamous. Now, there's always a new canine sleeping in my bed. 1.1452 0.05063 62 54 7 1
5001 So you're saying that these dreams where we take off our clothes and I chase you up a tree are Jungian archetypes? 1.1449 0.05939 69 63 2 4
5002 Since Covid the humans run me ragged. 1.1449 0.04742 69 60 8 1
5003 I finally figured out how to wear this stuff and walk upright. So now they tell me that every day is ''casual''. Tell me how I can keep from biting someone, Doc. 1.1449 0.04742 69 60 8 1
5004 So, after years of chasing cats at your workplace, you now have sphynxes haunting your nightmares. You don't say. 1.1449 0.05172 69 61 6 2
5005 Sometimes I think no one understands me. 1.1447 0.04850 76 67 7 2
5006 How can anyone expect me to be a cat person? 1.1447 0.04063 76 65 11 0
5007 If you lick up whatever you've spilled once, they'll think you're generous and start doing it for you. 1.1447 0.04474 76 66 9 1
5008 I'm worried my invisible cat is actually sentient AI, but "are you human?" is not working with her... 1.1446 0.04245 83 72 10 1
5009 How do you feel about cats that have rejected you? Illucidate. 1.1446 0.04578 83 73 8 2
5010 Hmmm...never thought that bothered him. I'll have to file that away for future torment. 1.1446 0.04889 83 74 6 3
5011 In my dream it’s worse than what Bill Murray said… 1.1446 0.04578 83 73 8 2
5012 Last night I dreamt I was Beethoven 1.1446 0.04578 83 73 8 2
5013 You would not understand. Expectations for dogs are si much higher.” 1.1444 0.04345 90 79 9 2
5014 I am very disturbed that you remind me of my mother. 1.1429 0.04444 63 54 9 0
5015 What do you mean, "don't make me make you hate yourself" ? 1.1429 0.04419 77 67 9 1
5016 My wife insists we eat fish instead of steak. 1.1429 0.04678 70 61 8 1
5017 I’m here to talk about my felines. 1.1429 0.05476 63 56 5 2
5018 This doggy dog world has created an aggressive environment that leads to inappropriate behavior to those I really like. 1.1429 0.04213 70 60 10 0
5019 I'm anxious you'll cough up a hair ball 1.1429 0.04198 84 73 10 1
5020 Sounds ruff. My conclusion is your wife is a bitch and you should be knocking more things off of tables on a regular basis. 1.1429 0.04300 91 80 9 2
5021 You and I have both heard them all. The one that hurts the most is 'a dog's breakfast'! 1.1429 0.04419 77 67 9 1
5022 You had a dream that some ugly white Cat was the favorite in the family. 1.1429 0.04419 77 67 9 1
5023 So I found the puppy farm, but it had closed and there was no record of what animals were raised there or who adopted them. 1.1429 0.04790 77 68 7 2
5024 I'm not sure I can help you, Roger." "Sam, you know I've always loved you like a stalker on a hot tin roof. But, alas, you are too sly for me and therapy is exhausting. 1.1429 0.04678 70 61 8 1
5025 I can't stand it when they leave, and I'm all alone in an empty house. 1.1429 0.04213 70 60 10 0
5026 You wash yourself, so how could you ever understand how much getting bathed by your human means? 1.1429 0.04987 63 55 7 1
5027 My boss...grr...thinks...grr...I need...grr..desensitization therapy...grr... 1.1429 0.04213 70 60 10 0
5028 Lord help me, I no longer have even the slightest desire to chase cars. 1.1429 0.04444 63 54 9 0
5029 I find myself thinking about you. Is that transference? 1.1429 0.04444 63 54 9 0
5030 I kept pooping in the kitty litter-- that's when it all started. 1.1429 0.04678 70 61 8 1
5031 Forgive my schadenfreude. 1.1429 0.04678 70 61 8 1
5032 I keep having that dream where I burst out into zoomies in the middle of a conference call? 1.1429 0.04790 77 68 7 2
5033 Sometimes it feels like a dog eat cat world 1.1429 0.04213 70 60 10 0
5034 The worst thing is every time I see a psychiatrist I have to chase it. 1.1429 0.04790 77 68 7 2
5035 No pussyfootin' around, it's a dog eat dog world out there, and I'm dog tired, doggone it! 1.1429 0.05493 70 63 4 3
5036 The therapist:”Tell me about your parents” The patient:”My mother’s a bitch” 1.1429 0.05102 70 62 6 2
5037 My Gigi’s been catting around! 1.1429 0.03841 84 72 12 0
5038 My wife only said I was a good boy today instead of the goodest boy (distraught) 1.1429 0.04419 77 67 9 1
5039 Doc, I gotta tell ya, it’s a dog eat dog world! 1.1429 0.04678 70 61 8 1
5040 The things I’ve seen while working the over night PAW patrol 1.1429 0.05925 63 57 3 3
5041 Look, I know your my therapist, but I’m upset by the idea that you don’t seem to like me. 1.1429 0.04213 70 60 10 0
5042 Woof! Woof!" "Meow?" "Woof... 1.1429 0.04527 84 74 8 2
5043 I tried your suggestion, but I just miss them so doggone much when they go out. 1.1429 0.04419 77 67 9 1
5044 Change one letter in "car" and you get "cat." Why do I want to chase 'em? 1.1412 0.04476 85 75 8 2
5045 And then he would go and get ... The Belt! And then the tie, and of course the Hugo Boss derbies with the Italian leather uppers. 1.1412 0.04152 85 74 10 1
5046 I won't tell you again, I'm not scratching it. 1.1412 0.04779 85 76 6 3
5047 How long ago did you realize that your envious of me? 1.1412 0.04476 85 75 8 2
5048 I keep hearing these bells all the time, Doc. And I think that's the cause of my drinking problems. 1.1410 0.04366 78 68 9 1
5049 Been there Done that Gotta work harder at it hound 1.1410 0.04366 78 68 9 1
5050 But, Real Dogs, don't go 'number two' in Litter Boxes, not number two, anyway ... 1.1410 0.04732 78 69 7 2
5051 I think your problem is that you don't do everything your cat tells you to do. 1.1410 0.03966 78 67 11 0
5052 Dog Hell 1.1410 0.04366 78 68 9 1
5053 I see we ARE making progress. Tell me your feelings about balls of yarn and catnip. 1.1410 0.04366 78 68 9 1
5054 Madison Avenue has featured every living dog on The Planet Earth in a TV commercial except for me! 1.1408 0.04616 71 62 8 1
5055 And you say that despite all that you still love her? 1.1408 0.04616 71 62 8 1
5056 I just seem to always seek out the wrong people for help. 1.1408 0.05033 71 63 6 2
5057 I keep on hearing these voices, ‘Meow, Meow,’ and it’s driving me nuts. 1.1408 0.04158 71 61 10 0
5058 I hate shaving in the morning. 1.1408 0.04616 71 62 8 1
5059 Catdog finally was separated! 1.1408 0.04158 71 61 10 0
5060 I am beginning to feel I am outnumbered. 1.1408 0.04616 71 62 8 1
5061 I tried -but the smell, the smell just started.. you get it don’t you? And the wag.. the wag… 1.1408 0.04158 71 61 10 0
5062 Are you on a leash in your dreams? 1.1408 0.04616 71 62 8 1
5063 We can talk about her some more, but I'd prefer you stop calling her 'the bitch who whelped me.' 1.1406 0.05395 64 57 5 2
5064 I know you’ve never empathized, but since that tree incident I get the feeling that maybe I should find another therapist. 1.1406 0.04914 64 56 7 1
5065 So you specialize in cat anxiety? 1.1406 0.04380 64 55 9 0
5066 You guys were blessed with mouses to fear you, we had nothing 1.1406 0.04380 64 55 9 0
5067 Sometimes I feel as small as a mouse. 1.1400 0.04025 100 88 10 2
5068 You keep talking about self-respect, but I Just. Don't. Get. It. 1.1395 0.04427 86 76 8 2
5069 After climbing down from the tree,I had a sudden urge to chase cars. 1.1395 0.03758 86 74 12 0
5070 Before we get started, have you ever treated "Elvis Hound Dog Mania"? 1.1392 0.04314 79 69 9 1
5071 And I haven’t had any pussy in half a decade! 1.1392 0.04314 79 69 9 1
5072 Seeing both your facial features and posture, we need to first discuss your objectivity toward my clan in general and me in particular. 1.1392 0.03920 79 68 11 0
5073 Weird Dream..I was chasing someone that looked just like you! 1.1392 0.04675 79 70 7 2
5074 The sex-change surgery has not helped 1.1392 0.03920 79 68 11 0
5075 So Doc, as a "grown up" , do you think I should now shift my focus from car-chasing to hydrants! 1.1392 0.04314 79 69 9 1
5076 I retrieve the ball because i need order in the world then they take it from me and it’s like i don’t want to fetch it’s more like i NEED to!“ “That’s perfectly normal and healthy, even! I’ve seen people write 100+ to absolutely no avail! 1.1392 0.04314 79 69 9 1
5077 When they told me I could lie on the couch, this wasn't what I thought they meant. 1.1389 0.04104 72 62 10 0
5078 Dreams of chasing your tail...does it reoccur. 1.1389 0.04967 72 64 6 2
5079 It's the same dream, I'm chasing a cat and the cat is always mysteriously slipping into a building out of reach. 1.1389 0.04556 72 63 8 1
5080 I dream of raining a lot. 1.1389 0.04104 72 62 10 0
5081 I'm more aloof, I don't like to go for walks anymore and I find i'm obsessively licking myself 1.1389 0.04556 72 63 8 1
5082 i know i know .. i had BLM enter into a dog-eat-dog world and now know not use 990 forms as a litter-box liner 1.1389 0.04104 72 62 10 0
5083 So you think catnip will help with my anxiety? 1.1386 0.03988 101 89 10 2
5084 Ever since we developed opposable thumbs I can't stop sucking mine. 1.1385 0.04317 65 56 9 0
5085 Even the food in my bowl has just lost all flavor, Doc. And there seems to be less of it now too. 1.1385 0.04842 65 57 7 1
5086 Describe your pet peeves 1.1385 0.04317 65 56 9 0
5087 Wherever I go, I feel misunderstood. 1.1383 0.03580 94 81 13 0
5088 I woke up without pants. I was--how should I explain--less of a man. 1.1379 0.03718 87 75 12 0
5089 Before YouTube and TikTok I was member of the dominant domestic species.....What happened? 1.1379 0.04062 87 76 10 1
5090 It turns out, all this time, I've been eating my own -- I can't even say it -- fece--*stairs out into empty space* 1.1379 0.04379 87 77 8 2
5091 I like catnip, Mom! Is that so wrong...you bitch! 1.1375 0.03875 80 69 11 0
5092 I thought coming to you might get me over my unrealistic fear of dander. 1.1375 0.03875 80 69 11 0
5093 I don’t know how to heel about it. 1.1375 0.04263 80 70 9 1
5094 Bark, woof, ruff, bow wow… (whimper)” 1.1375 0.04620 80 71 7 2
5095 Would you mind not hissing when you think I'm blocking my feelings? 1.1375 0.04263 80 70 9 1
5096 Can ya get the words down easier if I meow? 1.1375 0.04620 80 71 7 2
5097 And that's why you play by my rules... 1.1375 0.04263 80 70 9 1
5098 I stopped fetching for him but still get anxious when he leaves home. 1.1375 0.04263 80 70 9 1
5099 You keep ignoring my phone calls, so I had no other choice left. I had to meet you again 1.1373 0.03697 102 89 12 1
5100 Doc, it’s this dog eat dog world 1.1370 0.04497 73 64 8 1
5101 So Pedro, lets discuss your cat phobia 1.1370 0.04902 73 65 6 2
5102 I feel like I'm in a world of heckin' good doggos, and I'm merely just a good boy. 1.1370 0.04497 73 64 8 1
5103 I keep having this frightening dream about litter boxes. 1.1370 0.04902 73 65 6 2
5104 The rat race has me chasing my tail 1.1370 0.04052 73 63 10 0
5105 You gotta understand, doc, it's a dog eat cat world out there 1.1370 0.04052 73 63 10 0
5106 If that damn dog keeps this up much longer, I'll use up another of my nine lives. 1.1370 0.04497 73 64 8 1
5107 Once you catch your tail, will this game of cat and mouse finally end? 1.1370 0.04052 73 63 10 0
5108 Oh wait, since you’re a psychiatrist, you’re gonna love this: I used to fuck the dog from Frasier. Real slimeball. 1.1368 0.04639 95 86 5 4
5109 Well , I'm hear because I can't control my compulsion to sniff strangers. 1.1368 0.03848 95 83 11 1
5110 When did this desire to become a cat start? 1.1364 0.04773 66 58 7 1
5111 Why do you want to know about my mom? 1.1364 0.04773 66 58 7 1
5112 Maybe being a people pleaser all my life has not been worth the aggravation and loss of self-respect. 1.1364 0.04019 88 77 10 1
5113 My wife? That bitch gets mad when I'm out chasin' you-know-what, Dr. Galore. 1.1364 0.04257 66 57 9 0
5114 It just really feels like they're putting me in a box by telling everyone I'm a therapy dog. 1.1364 0.04331 88 78 8 2
5115 So, how long have you thought you were human. 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
5116 I’ve just struggled to get unbiased advice. 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
5117 My next door neighbor's cat hates me. 1.1358 0.04565 81 72 7 2
5118 As a dog, I seem to be having a hard time finding someone who can relate to me. 1.1358 0.04214 81 71 9 1
5119 why do you think you cant catch the ball? 1.1356 0.05104 59 52 6 1
5120 I didn’t understand that “me owe” meant that others were in pain. 1.1351 0.04440 74 65 8 1
5121 There's something about this visualization therapy that's triggering feelings of aggression. 1.1351 0.04001 74 64 10 0
5122 Why can't a cat be more like a dog? 1.1351 0.04001 74 64 10 0
5123 So...Then why do I get cat scratch fever all the time? 1.1351 0.04001 74 64 10 0
5124 I just can't help it. It's the cat's meow. 1.1351 0.04839 74 66 6 2
5125 Let me ask you you....when you dream of pushy, what exactly are you seeing? 1.1348 0.03641 89 77 12 0
5126 In the remaining 10 minutes, can we discuss “obsessive butt-sniffing” syndrome? 1.1343 0.04705 67 59 7 1
5127 Doc, I dreamt your wife was chasing me. 1.1343 0.04197 67 58 9 0
5128 I told you Dr Katz......Kay Nine, Fay line,..... I just can't remember her name! 1.1341 0.03787 82 71 11 0
5129 Thank you for agreeing to see me, Dr. Bigglesworth. 1.1341 0.03787 82 71 11 0
5130 Well now about this, let me say that I don't quite believe that you as a white quite understand of what I speak as a black. 1.1341 0.04512 82 73 7 2
5131 Reservoir Dog is a unsolicited script in search for attention. 1.1333 0.03952 75 65 10 0
5132 My bite is worse than my bark. 1.1333 0.03952 75 65 10 0
5133 After due consideration, I think I must be a cat person. 1.1333 0.04777 75 67 6 2
5134 Please continue, what were you saying about guilty conscience regarding killing mice ? Let's talk about that. 1.1333 0.04384 75 66 8 1
5135 Per your advice I tried to ignore them and give myself a bath but I’m a people pleaser. 1.1333 0.03952 75 65 10 0
5136 So you say you lie there shivering every time she brings the cat in? 1.1333 0.04384 75 66 8 1
5137 Well, I beg to differ. I think I'd benefit from group therapy, honestly. 1.1333 0.04384 75 66 8 1
5138 Dog droned on about his bullshit while Cat doodled on her notepad. The humans were almost done killing themselves… Soon, Cat would retire and just live off a steady diet of dead people faces. 1.1325 0.03744 83 72 11 0
5139 Are you cataloging everything I say? 1.1325 0.04118 83 73 9 1
5140 So. Having regrets about biting off that cat's tail, are we? 1.1325 0.03744 83 72 11 0
5141 Just moments before Sigmund's epochal discovery that cats and dogs share identical political profiles with "red" and blue" Americans. 1.1325 0.04461 83 74 7 2
5142 ...and sometimes, doctor, I think even YOU don't really want to be in my pack. 1.1325 0.04118 83 73 9 1
5143 Whuf whuf ! Meeeowwww . 1.1324 0.04640 68 60 7 1
5144 I know, I know, but it is not in my nature. 1.1324 0.05091 68 61 5 2
5145 When did your fear of mice first begin? 1.1324 0.04640 68 60 7 1
5146 Everytime our pet human says, “lie down”, this is exactly what happens. No control. 1.1324 0.04640 68 60 7 1
5147 I feel really oppressed in this dog eat dog world. 1.1324 0.04640 68 60 7 1
5148 I can't help but feel that I'm in the wrong place. 1.1321 0.04695 53 46 7 0
5149 I’m constantly having flashbacks of fetching slippers. 1.1319 0.03894 91 80 10 1
5150 The neighborhood cats buried my puppy chews and it's been chasing behavior every s8nce. 1.1316 0.04329 76 67 8 1
5151 I want to be more smug. 1.1316 0.04329 76 67 8 1
5152 doggone it,just when I was beginning to believe in humanity,Washington starts acting like animals 1.1316 0.04329 76 67 8 1
5153 Our worthy Father Telvant has at last succeeded in learning the truth about the Sarmoung Brotherhood. 1.1316 0.04329 76 67 8 1
5154 Seems like happiness & contentment has many different faces - 1.1316 0.04329 76 67 8 1
5155 I feel life has catapulted me a into a catastrophic catalog of cataclysms. 1.1311 0.04945 61 54 6 1
5156 Stability used to be enough. My job treated me poorly and I got paid like shit, but I didn’t have to go through the dehumanizing process of applying for new work. I have to get out, though. I deserve to be happy. I can’t keep being a pussy. Um, sorry 1.1310 0.03703 84 73 11 0
5157 I have a recurring dream that it 1.1310 0.03703 84 73 11 0
5158 Lately I've had a desire to switch to a vegan diet. 1.1310 0.04072 84 74 9 1
5159 Woof woof woof woof. Meow. Woof woof woof woof woof woof. Meow. Woof woof woof woof RUFF RUFF RUFF! Meow. Woof woof woof woof. Meow our time is up. 1.1310 0.04072 84 74 9 1
5160 Dogmatic therapist treats catastrophic case of petrified-pooch. 1.1310 0.04410 84 75 7 2
5161 My father was "Butch" and my mother was "Fancy". I'm not worthy. 1.1310 0.04072 84 74 9 1
5162 You need counseling from me because although you may have more brain neurons than I do, you are not making full use of those neurons. 1.1310 0.04724 84 76 5 3
5163 I appreciate you fitting me into your feline practice, but shouldn't you be writing things down that I tell you? 1.1304 0.04576 69 61 7 1
5164 I chased another cat a week later, and I feel SO bad about that, too. 1.1304 0.04576 69 61 7 1
5165 I think we have some work to do on your inter species relationship. 1.1304 0.05020 69 62 5 2
5166 I can't help it, I still see it as a dog's life. 1.1304 0.04084 69 60 9 0
5167 I think it's their opposable thumbs. 1.1304 0.04084 69 60 9 0
5168 Do you prescribe catnip? 1.1304 0.05020 69 62 5 2
5169 No I don’t think you understand! 1.1304 0.05020 69 62 5 2
5170 I'm devoted to people who don't deserve my loyalty. You know what I mean? 1.1304 0.05020 69 62 5 2
5171 I guess it feels very strange for you to lay down without getting a treat. I’m pretty used to it after nine lives. 1.1304 0.05020 69 62 5 2
5172 I never really wanted to fight, but this didn't feel like an option at the time. 1.1299 0.04659 77 69 6 2
5173 I can't help it. It's only natural for me to chase, nab and kill a cat 1.1299 0.05012 77 70 4 3
5174 I keep waking up from dreams that I was chasing you. 1.1299 0.04276 77 68 8 1
5175 Now Tom, I have repeatedly asked you to stop dogging me with that same question. 1.1299 0.05012 77 70 4 3
5176 What makes you think cats are running things? 1.1299 0.03856 77 67 10 0
5177 Seriously? You don't understand why I might have an inferiority complex coming here? 1.1299 0.03856 77 67 10 0
5178 I don’t think you would understand. It’s a dog eat dog world out there. 1.1294 0.03662 85 74 11 0
5179 I think I might be a Cat Person 1.1294 0.04027 85 75 9 1
5180 Well, my self-regulation improved when you suggested I was living vicariously through Tender Vittles. 1.1290 0.05385 62 56 4 2
5181 I am Sooo sick of that Dog Day Afternoon, BS! Wouldn't You be?!" jk fuller. genoa, n 1.1286 0.04030 70 61 9 0
5182 My anxieties are just getting worse. Maybe we should give up this cosplay and go back to just being their pets. 1.1286 0.04514 70 62 7 1
5183 ..And I thought it was just my cataracts bothering me.. 1.1286 0.04030 70 61 9 0
5184 you are suffering from a multiple animality disorder. Do not worry. It’s normal for you to behave like a dog. 1.1286 0.04030 70 61 9 0
5185 You say you understand, but how can you? 1.1286 0.04030 70 61 9 0
5186 So at what age did your hatred of cats begin? 1.1286 0.04030 70 61 9 0
5187 Patient is meow-lodramatic 1.1286 0.04952 70 63 5 2
5188 We're all upfront, with a pant and wag -- while they're sitting back, and getting all the swag. 1.1282 0.04602 78 70 6 2
5189 ...then I woke up in a giant cat box, with a live trout in my mouth. 1.1282 0.03810 78 68 10 0
5190 So…tell me about your usual tail-chasing. 1.1282 0.04224 78 69 8 1
5191 At least it's not raining. 1.1282 0.04602 78 70 6 2
5192 I am really miserable at work. Our company management won’t even allow casual Fridays. 1.1279 0.03982 86 76 9 1
5193 All the years of chasing me, now who is the one feeling all vulnerable and depressed? 1.1268 0.03977 71 62 9 0
5194 I’m really starting to grow weary of the cat-and-mouse game. 1.1268 0.04454 71 63 7 1
5195 But Doctor, how can you possibly know never having a box to use? 1.1268 0.03977 71 62 9 0
5196 So, when was the last time you drooled? 1.1266 0.04174 79 70 8 1
5197 OMG I am so stressed after being called a pussy 1.1266 0.04174 79 70 8 1
5198 Conflicted?? You were told not to lie on the couch 1.1263 0.03739 95 84 10 1
5199 Sorry, I can't do appointments on Tuesday, that's when I lick my own asshole. 1.1250 0.04395 72 64 7 1
5200 It’s because you can. Be proud. 1.1250 0.05734 56 51 3 2
5201 Evolve shamolve, I'm still wagging my tail when I wear pants. 1.1250 0.04459 56 49 7 0
5202 So, how long have you been barking at the walls? 1.1250 0.03925 72 63 9 0
5203 So this is the kind of therapy you get with government-run healthcare? Great! 1.1250 0.04395 72 64 7 1
5204 Being a dog means lots of isues. 1.1250 0.04395 72 64 7 1
5205 Can we change places? I 1.1250 0.03721 80 70 10 0
5206 As a puppy I was sexually abused by a cat. 1.1250 0.04167 64 56 8 0
5207 I don’t even like wearing these clothes but my owner dresses me and I can’t communicate to them that I don’t like it 1.1250 0.03546 88 77 11 0
5208 I swear I won’t chase you, just please no muzzle! 1.1250 0.04395 72 64 7 1
5209 Thank you for coming in,the steady stream of PJs & Flip Flops on Zoom is getting OLD 1.1250 0.04831 80 73 4 3
5210 I'm not pussyfooting! Don't be so catty! 1.1250 0.05223 64 58 4 2
5211 I guess you cats have it easy because you are so good at maintaining a distance from the Other... 1.1250 0.04725 64 57 6 1
5212 So when did you become afraid of cats? 1.1236 0.03855 89 79 9 1
5213 Constant nightmares. Rolled up newspapers chasing and then catching me. Yelling, “BAD DOG, BAD DOG”! 1.1235 0.04438 81 73 6 2
5214 So it was indeed your mom who taught you to chase and harass cats. Well with this information, it’s my professional opinion that she’s a bitch!” 1.1235 0.04438 81 73 6 2
5215 And I don't know why I should have such a feeling of inferiority 1.1235 0.04076 81 72 8 1
5216 . 'Tell me, where does your wife fit into these "99 problems"?' 1.1235 0.04438 81 73 6 2
5217 So the dream always starts with lots of rain.. correct? 1.1235 0.03678 81 71 10 0
5218 Did your mother like to torment cats? 1.1233 0.04338 73 65 7 1
5219 It's like a cannibal out there. 1.1233 0.04756 73 66 5 2
5220 She never asks "*how*'s my good boy?" 1.1233 0.04338 73 65 7 1
5221 I see them everywhere these days doc, I swear 1.1233 0.04756 73 66 5 2
5222 You'll probably find this ironic, but ... 1.1233 0.03875 73 64 9 0
5223 I don't know if you'd understand Doc, but it's a dog eat dog world out there. 1.1231 0.04107 65 57 8 0
5224 so let's get to the root of this inferiority complex... 1.1231 0.04655 65 58 6 1
5225 Sometimes I just like, well ... a dogsbody in a dog's body. 1.1228 0.04386 57 50 7 0
5226 I just want to be a cat again! 1.1222 0.03472 90 79 11 0
5227 It's not true when I mention someone said I was a "good boy" and you cough up a hairball? 1.1220 0.04029 82 73 8 1
5228 I'm not sure you can understand this obsession I have.... 1.1216 0.03825 74 65 9 0
5229 I've never been able to put my finger on it, why I don't fit in. 1.1216 0.03825 74 65 9 0
5230 Then the new husky dog starts yowling like a damn cat. I hate cats. Nothing personal Kitty. You’re not going to hold this against me I hope. You are. I know you are. Well, that was a real insight wasn’t it! I think I’m making progress. 1.1216 0.04282 74 66 7 1
5231 They say chase your dreams but every time I catch mine I drop the ball.” “Why is it never ending? 1.1216 0.03825 74 65 9 0
5232 ...Because you're wearing a suit? And you're a cat? Catsuit. Nothin?? I feel unsupported. 1.1212 0.04048 66 58 8 0
5233 ...and that's when I decided to get a therapy cat. 1.1212 0.04588 66 59 6 1
5234 First it was that sweet puppy collar and “look how cute he is with the cat’’ and now look at me 1.1209 0.04086 91 82 7 2
5235 ...and the dream always ends the same way. I'm chasing a ball of yarn, purring, and coughing up fur balls. Doc, I'm identifying as a 'dat'. 1.1207 0.04967 58 52 5 1
5236 It's weird doc: I once got beaten up by a clowder of cats and now I see them everywhere! 1.1205 0.03983 83 74 8 1
5237 I used to chase cats because I was told to. But honestly, I kind of like you guys. My family just doesn’t approve of my choices. 1.1205 0.03983 83 74 8 1
5238 Sometimes I just want to roll over on my back,be all puppyish and lick his shoes. 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
5239 I am a dog going to a cat for therapy. How does that make you feel? 1.1200 0.04228 75 67 7 1
5240 I merely wished to reduce my work commitments, not to have my employer threaten to have me committed 1.1200 0.03778 75 66 9 0
5241 I grew up with cats so, of course, I trust cats to handle all my problems 1.1196 0.03736 92 82 9 1
5242 Bergdorf's. Yours? 1.1194 0.03991 67 59 8 0
5243 I'm afraid our time is up for this session, but let's explore those associations with W-A-L-K-I-E-S next week. 1.1194 0.04523 67 60 6 1
5244 My wife left, took the kids…I think she’s fucking my brother. Neither of them will talk to me 1.1190 0.03938 84 75 8 1
5245 My owner said his best friend is Ken--a high school chum from Milwaukee. 1.1190 0.03938 84 75 8 1
5246 ‘Is this a conflict of interest that you’re my therapist? I ate my BFF’s phone today because there were a lot of cats in it…’ ‘Well, it’s an opportunity to explore your transference right meow.’ 1.1190 0.03938 84 75 8 1
5247 It may that you are struggling with pronoun description. Have you been struggling with identity cat vs dog ? Let’s explore 1.1184 0.04175 76 68 7 1
5248 Meow, meow meow meow meow meow?! 1.1184 0.03731 76 67 9 0
5249 There were all these weird mice running around and I didn’t know what to do! 1.1183 0.04001 93 84 7 2
5250 Uh...is that reverse psychology? 1.1176 0.04556 51 45 6 0
5251 Doc, what do you think? Are my needs for attention really that excessive? 1.1176 0.03936 68 60 8 0
5252 Im conflicted and you were recommended due to a reputation on your healthy outlook of the whole “Fetch! Who’s a good boy? Fetch! Who’s a good boy?” thing. 1.1176 0.03515 85 75 10 0
5253 And when did you first realise that being bi-feline was causing you anxiety? 1.1176 0.04927 68 62 4 2
5254 I just feel like we're not connecting somehow." Patient Dog explaining final session with Dr. Cat. 1.1176 0.03936 68 60 8 0
5255 I have this recurring dream that I'm about to appear on the Cesar Millan show and I haven't memorized any of the commands. Plus, I'm naked... 1.1176 0.03936 68 60 8 0
5256 They consider me an alien species now. So don't worry, this is definitely a safe space. 1.1176 0.03893 85 76 8 1
5257 This will be confusing because you’re a dog. 1.1169 0.03685 77 68 9 0
5258 I'm just trying to explain: It's a dog-eat-dog world out there 1.1169 0.03685 77 68 9 0
5259 I just can’t get it out of my head! “Jellicle songs for jellicle cats….” 1.1169 0.04123 77 69 7 1
5260 Trust. Sometimes it's even hard for me to trust mental health professionals. 1.1169 0.03685 77 68 9 0
5261 I am not sure we’re connecting. Doggy style was part of my culture. 1.1169 0.03685 77 68 9 0
5262 Retirement's been ruff. 1.1169 0.04123 77 69 7 1
5263 Behave well otherwise you will not get the treat Cat: Am doing a good job Dog: why is this so difficult for me Cat: you are a spoiled child of our house isn't it visible now? 1.1163 0.03477 86 76 10 0
5264 It's okay, you are in a safe place here... now, were you the one who ate out of my restroom? 1.1163 0.03477 86 76 10 0
5265 So what you’re saying is that you identify as a cat. That is most unusual, but I think you can be helped. 1.1159 0.04397 69 62 6 1
5266 It's just so hard to regulate my emotions. Sophia Shen, San Francisco, Ca. 1.1159 0.03882 69 61 8 0
5267 When I first met her she was the cat’s meow. Now she’s just another dog. 1.1154 0.04073 78 70 7 1
5268 I promise! I’ll never chase one again, just because she twitches her tail like that does not imply an irresistible invitation a provocation, a call to my basic nature bred over millennia in the steamy jungles of Borneo and Kathmandu…. Oops. 1.1149 0.03439 87 77 10 0
5269 I’ve done everything you told me to but it just made things worse! 1.1148 0.04115 61 54 7 0
5270 When I walk into a room, I get hissed at. What is it about me that elicits that response? 1.1143 0.04337 70 63 6 1
5271 everything I do is a catastrophy 1.1143 0.04337 70 63 6 1
5272 Bark, bark, bark - she barks at me night and day and it’s always the same tune! 1.1143 0.03830 70 62 8 0
5273 My last therapist told me I have too many cats and dogs issues. 1.1143 0.03830 70 62 8 0
5274 This is a little bit embarrassing and probably one of the hardest things for me to explain,but I just can 1.1139 0.04023 79 71 7 1
5275 No, for real, it was a rat, for sure 1.1129 0.04052 62 55 7 0
5276 No, you can’t have 9 lives, that’s a feline prerogative. 1.1127 0.04279 71 64 6 1
5277 Do those feelings seem reasonable, or do you think I'm just nonsense-barking? 1.1125 0.03975 80 72 7 1
5278 Sometimes I worry that you might have an underlying agenda. Is that what you mean by paranoia? 1.1125 0.03975 80 72 7 1
5279 I just want to get off the hamster wheel, you know, Doc? 1.1125 0.03975 80 72 7 1
5280 You say you find mice adorable. Please continue. 1.1125 0.03975 80 72 7 1
5281 And when I woke up, I wondered if I was a dog dreaming my therapist was a cat, or if I was cat dreaming my domination over dogs had entirely succeeded. 1.1111 0.04588 63 57 5 1
5282 THOUGHT BUBBLE OVER CAT Here it is again ... "" they love the cat - Mittens this, Mittens that - I'm nothing to them" ... I can't help this guy. 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
5283 I know it's all in my head, but cats make me feel so stupid! You know what I mean? 1.1111 0.05062 54 49 4 1
5284 I wanted a tonic from a cat, not catatonia 1.1111 0.04662 72 66 4 2
5285 … and then I realized I live in a dog-eat-dog world. 1.1111 0.04222 72 65 6 1
5286 I think I have species dysphoria because I would rather purr than bark, eat catnip rather than a bone, play with a yarn ball rather than rubber ball, and I hate fetching and being called pooch! 1.1111 0.03991 63 56 7 0
5287 So when I learned that my kind used to be called ‘Man’s best friend,’ I guess I just spiraled into a pit of guilt. 1.1111 0.04317 54 48 6 0
5288 Honestly, I spend most of our sessions thinking about the things my ancestors have done to yours. 1.1111 0.03730 72 64 8 0
5289 It seems you have to stop chasing squirrels and instead chase mice. 1.1111 0.03514 81 72 9 0
5290 Mhitjkbj jjhjnn jjnnmncb!” “O, come to get your tongue back, have you? 1.1096 0.04166 73 66 6 1
5291 You’ve got nine lives. We’ve got seven years for every year so I was hoping you’d feel my pain.” 1.1096 0.03681 73 65 8 0
5292 I have separation anxiety from my owners. 1.1096 0.03681 73 65 8 0
5293 I chose you because of your independence ...it's a dog eat dog world out there ! 1.1096 0.03681 73 65 8 0
5294 I miss the humans. 1.1096 0.03681 73 65 8 0
5295 You do realize tha Freud was one cool cat . 1.1094 0.03932 64 57 7 0
5296 Yeah, I didn't think you cats would get where I'm coming from anyway. 1.1094 0.03932 64 57 7 0
5297 Everything feels like an endless chase… 1.1091 0.04973 55 50 4 1
5298 Hmmm, shall I visibly yawn ? Too passive-aggressive ? But then, it’s not like I’m the only psychiatrist he could’ve called in Manhattan. 1.1089 0.03697 101 92 7 2
5299 here we go again ... Dogs' life ....huh...and you think you've got it bad !! 1.1087 0.03263 92 82 10 0
5300 I feel like you aren’t hearing me… 1.1084 0.03434 83 74 9 0
5301 So you're saying slavish blind devotion is a bad thing? 1.1084 0.03838 83 75 7 1
5302 But it’s so depressing … are you sure of that spelling: “Reigning Cats … (and dogs)?” 1.1077 0.04963 65 60 3 2
5303 I’d tell you more, but the cat’s got my tongue 1.1077 0.03875 65 58 7 0
5304 In the office, occasionally and without warning, I turn into Odysseus when my coworkers' legs sing inaudible and, worse, insatiable sirens' songs. 1.1071 0.03395 84 75 9 0
5305 What you are saying makes perfect sense doc... but I still really want to chase you around a little bit? 1.1071 0.03395 84 75 9 0
5306 It’s not a call of the wild— I just miss being free to mark any tree on my morning walk. 1.1067 0.03588 75 67 8 0
5307 Having arthritis I can't raise my leg. Will you please teach me how to squat? 1.1067 0.04060 75 68 6 1
5308 I dreamt the whole internet knew I was a dog. Can you imagine what that felt like? 1.1067 0.04060 75 68 6 1
5309 'I first started thinking of suicide when I realized the rest of the faculty all considered me to be one son of a bitch.' 1.1067 0.04060 75 68 6 1
5310 It's horrible doctor, I have an American Kennel Club meeting today and I'm going to miss Jen Acker's birthday party. 1.1061 0.04387 66 60 5 1
5311 Meow!! 1.1061 0.03819 66 59 7 0
5312 Could you take this down? All I want to be heard about something less about social events. 1.1061 0.03819 66 59 7 0
5313 They were trying to use me as a cat’s paw ! 1.1061 0.03819 66 59 7 0
5314 Dog: I see circles you see squares, we have tails and they stand up straight, how can I not care so much? Cat: Have you ever thought what they’d do with a tail of their own if they had one? 1.1061 0.04890 66 61 3 2
5315 Meow meow meow Ruff ruff ruff Ruff ruff Meow meow 1.1053 0.04008 76 69 6 1
5316 I just don't get it! What are we both to do with heavy rains? 1.1053 0.03544 76 68 8 0
5317 The dog went to a cat doctor for a cure for his stomach pain. But can a dog really trust a cat? 1.1053 0.04424 76 70 4 2
5318 Sometimes, I feel no one cares. 1.1053 0.03544 76 68 8 0
5319 Let me see, you think all cats are lazy and stupid, and you wonder if I agree with that. 1.1053 0.03544 76 68 8 0
5320 Therapist: Pavlov, does that name ring a bell? Patient: *drools* That question is totally out of the box. Look, just get me that catnip or some anise and I'm outta here. . 1.1053 0.03544 76 68 8 0
5321 Of course my father was a bull dog….real alpha male type. That could explain my sudden violent outbursts… 1.1045 0.03765 67 60 7 0
5322 My owners never talked about the cats and the dogs, anymore than they talked about the birds and the bees. 1.1045 0.03765 67 60 7 0
5323 Always have this dream of a litter box. I wanna go out for marking and they say I have to do it in a litter box which is overfilled with cat poop and smells like hell. Of course I can't do it there! I start to sweat,, hiss, and wake up! What is it? 1.1045 0.03765 67 60 7 0
5324 The patient says to the psychiatrist Im not sure we are a good fit. DrCat you seem so self involved. 1.1045 0.03765 67 60 7 0
5325 Sounds like you have an Oedi-Puss complex 1.1045 0.03765 67 60 7 0
5326 I know I said I won’t snoop anymore, but I caught them watching Marley on tv AGAIN 1.1045 0.03765 67 60 7 0
5327 I think I'm going crazy, doc - everywhere I look, I see cats. 1.1039 0.03500 77 69 8 0
5328 How are you feeling Today Rufus? I feel like biting your head off Dr. Kitty! 1.1039 0.03500 77 69 8 0
5329 Belt-tightening? Out of the question. I'm in a fifth-floor walk-up now. 1.1039 0.03958 77 70 6 1
5330 It’s 3am and I start watching Fox News-Or Fox News starts watching me. Then suddenly I’m awake, & it’s licking me, and begging me for belly rubs & treats, yea the programs…Then I wake up again- in the hotel room, tv preacher blaring… 1.1034 0.04725 58 53 4 1
5331 I'm supposed to bark at strangers, but all I want to do is purr. 1.1034 0.03284 87 78 9 0
5332 Can you believe they think this is an accident? 1.1029 0.03713 68 61 7 0
5333 Dr. , all I can think about is eating cats! 1.1029 0.03713 68 61 7 0
5334 As your shrink, I feel like I should really be the one to hear your deepest and darkest secrets 1.1029 0.03713 68 61 7 0
5335 I feel like I am in a converted litter box. 1.1017 0.03969 59 53 6 0
5336 So at that point in our relationship I decided ‘I can’t be used if I am useless’. 1.1014 0.03661 69 62 7 0
5337 So in this dream, you’re chasing something in circles but can’t see what it is? 1.1013 0.03416 79 71 8 0
5338 I have this recurring dream about being a contestant on'The Price is Right.' 1.1000 0.03375 80 72 8 0
5339 It's a dog-eat-dog world wouldn't you agree? 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
5340 I just don't feel like I'm in control anymore 1.1000 0.04572 60 55 4 1
5341 I don’t mean to be catty but your main problem is your envious desire to purr rather than bark. 1.1000 0.03375 80 72 8 0
5342 Every time we finish one of our sessions I walk out of here feeling catatonic. Sent from my iPhone 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
5343 Your species' s got so much more freedom than us poor dogs. So I need your advise how to change in time. Maybe I get a chance next life. 1.1000 0.03551 90 82 7 1
5344 I'll try to get you through the dog days of August! 1.1000 0.03612 70 63 7 0
5345 You're right-- I have always done wrong. 1.1000 0.03375 80 72 8 0
5346 After Tom swallowed poor Tweety Bird, I started seeing cats everywhere. 1.0986 0.04089 71 65 5 1
5347 When my master hits me, I bark. What am I supposed to do, purr? 1.0976 0.04110 82 76 4 2
5348 Yeah, I drool when food’s around, but it has nothing to do with my puppyhood.” 1.0972 0.04034 72 66 5 1
5349 And then, I had a dream that I was spilling my guts to a cat, ... 1.0968 0.04991 62 58 2 2
5350 Dr. Katz, I Drempt That After All These Year's, I Have Come To The Conclsion, That You Are Of A Supirior A Species. 1.0959 0.03470 73 66 7 0
5351 A whisker a day keeps the owner away. 1.0959 0.03981 73 67 5 1
5352 We fall as fighting raindrops and the urban environment turns us into brothers in arms. 1.0952 0.04361 63 58 4 1
5353 First thing; you’ll never be me; accept and lower your standards-then you’ll be relatively happier. 1.0946 0.03425 74 67 7 0
5354 it’s not you it’s me, I have a problem opening up to strangers… Some of my best friends are cats, ask “Muffins” 1.0941 0.03969 85 79 4 2
5355 I don't think I ever mentioned an inferiority complex. 1.0938 0.04295 64 59 4 1
5356 I don't feel your "doggie style" fetish was the cause of your feature transformation 1.0933 0.03382 75 68 7 0
5357 My mother did not understand why I ‘d Me yow every time she beat me ! Written by Catherine Bellavita Schoenberg 1.0930 0.03558 86 79 6 1
5358 I know this is hard, but try to think why it it is that you will take any old pill they give you and never complain about that “sit, stay” thing. 1.0921 0.03339 76 69 7 0
5359 So I thought, let’s try cognitive behavioral therapy, and here I am. 1.0921 0.03339 76 69 7 0
5360 I don't get it. I love everyone and you don't give a shit. 1.0921 0.03829 76 70 5 1
5361 It feels like everyone is plotting behind my back. 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
5362 The squirrel said I was barking up the wrong tree. 1.0909 0.03780 77 71 5 1
5363 So you're saying my animus towards Mr. Tibbs is NOT sublimated genius? 1.0909 0.03566 66 60 6 0
5364 I'd always bark up the wrong tree and never caught my purrfect me. Ow! 1.0897 0.03257 78 71 7 0
5365 Yes, January 6th and Global Warming are just figments of the imagination. 1.0897 0.03257 78 71 7 0
5366 Can you tell me more about how your identity as a dog and shaped that experience? 1.0896 0.03515 67 61 6 0
5367 Tell me about the first time you had thoughts about being a cat. 1.0889 0.03405 90 83 6 1
5368 Yeah, yeah, I get it--mine's a dog's life too! 1.0889 0.03405 90 83 6 1
5369 « I know it sounds a bit fishy » 1.0886 0.03218 79 72 7 0
5370 You can't possibly understand how dog-tired I get. 1.0882 0.03465 68 62 6 0
5371 Doc I’m finding it difficult to resist the urge to hang out until I can eat the shit directly out of your ass 1.0875 0.03643 80 74 5 1
5372 What made you realize you were in the doghouse and your life went to the dogs? 1.0870 0.03417 69 63 6 0
5373 I'm a trans-species, and always wanted to be a cat. 1.0870 0.03417 69 63 6 0
5374 So, You are apologizing for the ole mall the cat , head in your mouth... routine ? 1.0857 0.03370 70 64 6 0
5375 So why do you think you have a deathly fear of cats? 1.0833 0.03474 84 78 5 1
5376 With all this progressive culture, no one’s hiring dogs anymore. 1.0822 0.03779 73 68 4 1
5377 Well, getting a sneak slap on the head when I'm feeling most vulnerable is not inspiring trust. 1.0820 0.03541 61 56 5 0
5378 I know it sounds paranoid,but sometimes it feels like the whole World is against me. 1.0800 0.03154 75 69 6 0
5379 I had a nightmare about cats last night. 1.0795 0.03321 88 82 5 1
5380 I've always been a dog person, but my wife? ... a damned cat person! 1.0795 0.02901 88 81 7 0
5381 I know I'm repeating myself, but all these feelings come up around the dog days of summer." 1.0789 0.03114 76 70 6 0
5382 In this world, we’ve all got to tuck our tails…. 1.0789 0.03634 76 71 4 1
5383 I’m here to deal with my separation anxiety, you know what I mean? 1.0787 0.02870 89 82 7 0
5384 Pcatcologyst- “so tell me, how does that make you feel” “Like if I wag one more time inflation won’t reach me…” 1.0781 0.03381 64 59 5 0
5385 Tell me again how I'm caught up in a "cat-eat-cat world." 1.0769 0.02809 91 84 7 0
5386 « I have this recurring nonsense dream, where I see myself building a boat out of bark… » 1.0758 0.03282 66 61 5 0
5387 Bow wow. Bow wow. Bow wow. Bow wow" "Me Yow!" 1.0750 0.02963 80 74 6 0
5388 It's sad when you find out the title you were thinking for your new play is the same as a Kate Hudson rom com. 1.0735 0.03815 68 64 3 1
5389 My earliest memory was having a nightmare about cattle. 1.0702 0.03413 57 53 4 0
5390 It was my mother. She always seemed to have feline traits, and in school everyone made fun of me for it. 1.0694 0.03017 72 67 5 0
5391 I know it’s tempting, but try to avoid looking the birds out the window and just focus. 1.0690 0.04161 58 55 2 1
5392 I haven't had a bone in months and I'm much slower these days due lack of energy 1.0685 0.02977 73 68 5 0
5393 As a grown up cat I don’t bark anymore. Is this unusual? 1.0676 0.02938 74 69 5 0
5394 It's just that this one versus nine thing is so depressingly existential... 1.0667 0.03247 60 56 4 0
5395 It's always a dog-eat-dog world. 1.0645 0.03145 62 58 4 0
5396 To tell you the truth, the hot ‘n spicy shrimp marinara I ate for lunch has had me letting loose some pretty fruity toots. I’m clenched right up, doc, but God knows if I can last the full fifty. 1.0635 0.03835 63 60 2 1
5397 An incredible journey has brought both of us to these places, thought Tao the cat. Myself, now a rich therapist, and Bodger a failing Wall Street trader. And of course Luath, who I killed by scratching his nose and giving him Toxoplasma gondii. 1.0606 0.02960 66 62 4 0
5398 We are pretending to be humans. 1.0606 0.02960 66 62 4 0
5399 I really think we were getting somewhere with the ink-blot test. 1.0597 0.03609 67 64 2 1
5400 I'm having a bit of a counter transference issue here, but we must move forward. Try to think back and recall the very first cat you ever chased and your feelings about that entire situation. 1.0588 0.02875 68 64 4 0
5401 I have a recurring nightmare about a cat I once knew sitting in a chair behind me taking notes. 1.0571 0.02794 70 66 4 0
5402 why do they call it oven when you of in the hot food of out hot eat the food 1.0562 0.02929 89 85 3 1
5403 I think I should set a good example and talk with those who hold different opinions. Even if I don't like them. 1.0556 0.02428 90 85 5 0
5404 I feel like only you see the me I once was and maybe could be again. 1.0519 0.02546 77 73 4 0
5405 So you think I steal her cat food because of my birth order issues? I mean, everyone doted on Little Stuart, and I was just the middle pup. 1.0492 0.02792 61 58 3 0
5406 Don't get me wrong, I love that my wife is a Alligator, but it's like we are from two different pet shop's. 1.0429 0.02438 70 67 3 0
5407 Sometimes I think I'm only capable of puppy love attachments, doc... Do you think it's because of my father? I mean, he was a lab after all. 1.0370 0.02111 81 78 3 0
5408 After visiting the Chernobyl zone of exclusion last year for my bosses, I am haunted by my experience of the reality that wolves do indeed eat dogs, and cats. Will you help me understand that the enemy of my enemy is my friend , Dr. Feline? 1.0247 0.01735 81 79 2 0
5409 What if I catch that bus? Do you mean the same thing when you wag your tale that I mean? Will I ever find out who's a good dog? And does Dog exist? 1.0000 0.01942 52 52 0 0