Contest #804


Cartoon

804

The winning captions

These captions are chosen by The New Yorker.

  1. “You really want to add a kid to all this?”
  2. “See, I do things around the house.”
  3. “I don’t usually do this on a first date.”


Name Value
Submission deadline 2022-05-29T18:25:00.000Z
Voting started -
Voting ended 2022-06-12T18:26:00.000Z
Finalists announced 2022-06-06T18:26:00.000Z
Magazine(s) announcing finalists issued June 13, 2022
Number of captions 5632
Number of responses 656353
Number of participants -


Dashboard

In this table, the "mean" means the empirically measured average funniness score when the "unfunny", "somewhat funny" and "funny" receive a funniness score of 1, 2, 3 respectively. "Precison" is the standard error of the mean, the standard deviation of the mean estimate. With that, a caption with an empirical mean μ and precision σ has true mean in the range [μ - 2σ, μ + 2σ] with 95% probability by the 68-95-99.7 rule assuming the responses are indepedent and identically distributed.

Rank Caption Mean Precision Total votes "Unfunny" votes "Somewhat funny" votes "Funny" votes
0 You're home early. 1.8581 0.01631 2580 1094 758 728
1 And that’s how cryptocurrency works. 1.7997 0.01604 2636 1210 744 682
2 It just doesn’t feel like anything I do impresses you anymore. 1.7553 0.01467 2673 1176 975 522
3 Whatever you do, don't say "sit"! 1.7530 0.01848 1814 841 580 393
4 So, you told me to get my act together. Now what? 1.7505 0.01529 2485 1109 887 489
5 It's called downward dogcatfish. 1.7452 0.01607 2406 1132 755 519
6 Please tell me that the wet spot on my back is from the fishbowl. 1.7449 0.01455 2924 1373 924 627
7 At least I got the monkey off my back. 1.7424 0.01651 2158 984 746 428
8 It took 2.5 years of a pandemic, but we finally nailed it. 1.7410 0.01602 2255 1020 799 436
9 TAKE THE PICTURE TAKE THE PICTURE TAKE THE PICTURE!!! 1.7334 0.01487 2738 1291 886 561
10 The real trick's going to be getting on the horse. 1.7331 0.01495 2709 1278 876 555
11 Wait'll you see the dismount! 1.7328 0.01630 2152 979 769 404
12 Carefully place the wine glass on my head. 1.7230 0.01648 2148 1006 731 411
13 Where's the bird"?" Is that really your reaction 1.7224 0.02083 1387 663 446 278
14 We've decided to stop competing for your attention and join forces. 1.7132 0.02511 917 434 312 171
15 if you can do that, i don’t see what’s stopping you from emptying the dishwasher 1.7070 0.01542 2611 1305 766 540
16 It was their idea. 1.7045 0.01722 1912 908 661 343
17 Quick! What has 4 heads, 3 tails, no dignity and desperately needs a martini? 1.7045 0.01503 2741 1373 805 563
18 Let’s see your mother call me a loser now! 1.7003 0.01950 1548 757 498 293
19 What makes you think I've been working from home too long? 1.7001 0.01610 2094 976 770 348
20 Here's a riddle: What has twelve limbs, eight eyes, four fins, and wants a divorce? 1.6919 0.01844 1866 968 505 393
21 The one time you don't have your phone. 1.6916 0.01719 1897 914 654 329
22 I’m just a guy, with a fish, on a cat, on a dog, on a man, on his hands and knees begging you to forgive me. 1.6910 0.01585 2356 1173 738 445
23 We were all hoping for a treat tonight 1.6890 0.01430 2846 1408 915 523
24 Marge, we need to talk about your drinking. 1.6861 0.01887 1682 850 510 322
25 Actually, could you answer the door this time? 1.6738 0.01516 2284 1093 843 348
26 I'm at a point where my emotional support animals need emotional support animals. 1.6718 0.02289 1097 554 349 194
27 Oh…you’re home early 1.6705 0.02977 695 366 192 137
28 Very good. Now roll over. 1.6645 0.02066 1392 725 409 258
29 Well, you said you were sick of my dog and pony show 1.6627 0.01514 2378 1184 812 382
30 Okay, now hand me the unicycle. 1.6609 0.01510 2418 1215 808 395
31 I hope that's aquarium waterI feel! 1.6606 0.01683 2045 1057 625 363
32 The goat yoga class was full. 1.6523 0.01832 1671 860 532 279
33 And what skill did YOU learn during quarantine? 1.6514 0.02094 1219 612 420 187
34 Can we talk about this later? I'm balancing at a lot at the moment. 1.6499 0.01719 1765 877 629 259
35 Are you sure you want to bring a baby into this? 1.6482 0.01610 2075 1051 703 321
36 The hardest part was getting the fish to stay in the middle. 1.6442 0.01768 1782 926 564 292
37 Honey, I think our marriage counselor might be messing with us. 1.6424 0.01658 2033 1061 638 334
38 I don't complain about your drinking. 1.6315 0.01799 1726 917 528 281
39 So, couldn't you just propose on one knee like every other guy?" 1.6315 0.02123 1194 622 390 182
40 The tough part will be the dismount. 1.6240 0.01967 1343 696 456 191
41 At least you got the monkey off your back. 1.6222 0.02452 945 514 274 157
42 Stop me if you've heard this one. 1.6152 0.01970 1588 917 367 304
43 It all started when I lost a contact lens. 1.6149 0.02026 1327 715 408 204
44 I'm not saying I'll never look for a new job, I just want some acknowledgement of the skills I've acquired since the layoff." 1.6072 0.02067 1166 609 406 151
45 Don’t look at me that way, it was the cat’s idea 1.6070 0.02187 1117 604 348 165
46 Of course I admire the discipline involved. I just think you should go back to the office . 1.6055 0.02181 1095 586 355 154
47 One lazy Sunday afternoon,glass of Chardonnay in her hand, Martha suddenly realized that her heart truly belonged to someone, anyone, other than Bill. 1.6027 0.02284 1125 642 288 195
48 You're the one who said I need to work on my performance issues. 1.6011 0.02130 1083 568 379 136
49 You weren't filming?!? 1.5963 0.02254 1080 602 312 166
50 We really need to go out. 1.5933 0.02323 986 544 299 143
51 I'm helping Bobby with his science project on evolution. 1.5925 0.02372 1178 728 202 248
52 All four of us are sorry. 1.5870 0.02309 1012 568 294 150
53 We tried it the other way. That’s how we lost the first fish. 1.5841 0.02437 868 479 271 118
54 what did you think i meant by pyramid scheme? 1.5834 0.02538 833 469 242 122
55 There. NOW can we have sex?!? 1.5819 0.02540 842 478 238 126
56 I don't usually do this on a first date. 1.5811 0.02438 888 498 264 126
57 Okay, two syllables... 1.5777 0.02572 798 450 235 113
58 I’d like to be on top, just once. 1.5737 0.02573 760 422 240 98
59 Poor Stan misunderstood when his wife asked to try something new tonight. 1.5648 0.02643 779 455 208 116
60 Once we have our costumes on, it will really tie the whole act together. 1.5641 0.02546 725 397 247 81
61 I dunno. Maybe some applause? 1.5627 0.02547 670 356 251 63
62 The mouse had a previous engagement. 1.5625 0.02768 672 384 198 90
63 Yeah, but can you roll over? 1.5612 0.02750 670 381 202 87
64 Still think I'm unbalanced? 1.5574 0.02721 723 424 195 104
65 And I'm just saying if we got a bunny, the routine would really pop. 1.5564 0.02743 629 350 208 71
66 Why do they do this every time I look for something on the floor? 1.5563 0.03253 471 268 144 59
67 We're worried about your drinking. 1.5546 0.03873 366 218 93 55
68 Beg all you want, but we’re not getting a bird. 1.5543 0.02836 626 359 187 80
69 Fine, we will disassemble. But I think you need to admit you were wrong when you said I wouldn’t enjoy retirement. 1.5513 0.02784 673 394 187 92
70 Can you get the doorbell? 1.5512 0.02622 684 383 225 76
71 Maslow’s hierarchy of neediness 1.5510 0.02866 588 333 186 69
72 It's a team building exercise for working from home. 1.5506 0.02843 583 327 191 65
73 I should have picked ‘truth.’ 1.5505 0.02761 683 400 190 93
74 One of us wants to go outside. 1.5496 0.02725 655 373 204 78
75 The exact moment Maggie realized she should not consume alcohol while taking her medications. 1.5488 0.02926 645 389 158 98
76 Okay, I’ll look for a job starting tomorrow. 1.5484 0.02841 609 349 186 74
77 Looking for the dog, cat and fish. Why do you ask? 1.5482 0.02833 653 385 178 90
78 This is a family intervention,dear. 1.5482 0.02941 622 371 161 90
79 What do you mean, 'Now, roll over'? 1.5438 0.02890 651 393 162 96
80 Nice, Herman, but it's still your night to do the dishes. 1.5434 0.02807 611 350 190 71
81 I’d be more impressed if you refilled my wine. 1.5401 0.02874 624 370 171 83
82 This isn’t what I had in mind when I wanted you to learn new tricks. 1.5392 0.03041 536 313 157 66
83 See? You can teach an old husband new tricks. 1.5327 0.03103 597 376 124 97
84 We're leaving you. 1.5319 0.03234 502 304 129 69
85 My life is a series of unfortunate decisions. 1.5318 0.03258 598 395 88 115
86 Great. Now roll over 1.5289 0.03039 537 319 152 66
87 I think I’m ready to go back to the office. 1.5266 0.03168 526 322 131 73
88 Well, what did YOU accomplish today? 1.5245 0.03023 530 314 154 62
89 And you want to add a child on top of this? 1.5185 0.03087 569 357 129 83
90 I couldn't find the gerbil! 1.5172 0.03435 408 244 117 47
91 Yes it's lovely dear but did you take out the trash? 1.5156 0.03431 417 252 115 50
92 When did you get home? 1.5150 0.03386 466 292 108 66
93 I'm their support person. 1.5145 0.03319 447 271 122 54
94 I hope they fix the cable soon. 1.5138 0.03412 471 299 102 70
95 Funny, normally the fish never wants to join in. 1.5105 0.03281 478 297 118 63
96 Impressive, I know, but it's always the dismount that has proven disastrous. 1.5101 0.03407 398 237 119 42
97 How long did it take the cat to get you and the dog to do this? 1.5071 0.03180 493 304 128 61
98 You really want to add a kid to all this? 1.5065 0.03606 385 238 99 48
99 If you're wondering what happened to the canary, ask the cat. 1.5050 0.03389 398 238 119 41
100 See, I do things around the house. 1.5047 0.03386 430 265 113 52
101 What does it mean? It’s a goddamn metaphor for life. 1.5025 0.03596 402 254 94 54
102 Fifty years ago we’d be a big hit on the Ed Sullivan Show. 1.5013 0.03242 397 231 133 33
103 I think we should get an actual coffee table 1.4988 0.03429 409 252 110 47
104 You don’t get 547 followers by playing it safe. 1.4965 0.03300 425 259 121 45
105 Ok where is the canary? 1.4951 0.03539 408 259 96 53
106 Marjorie, will you marry me, and Rex, and Mr. Fluffybritches, and Gulpy? 1.4940 0.03614 419 274 83 62
107 Say Something! We have been practicing this act thru the entire pandemic. 1.4938 0.03383 405 248 114 43
108 Of course. The one time you don't have your phone on you. 1.4919 0.03272 433 266 121 46
109 I tried to say no, but you’d be surprised how persuasive the goldfish is. 1.4913 0.03568 401 256 93 52
110 Trust me, you don’t want to know how that fishbowl got up there! 1.4912 0.03651 342 209 98 35
111 Joyce, we come to you with all the love this home has to offer. 1.4905 0.03470 367 222 110 35
112 I’d be more impressed if you washed the dishes. 1.4891 0.03867 368 243 70 55
113 Are you just gonna sit there and watch, or are you gonna help us with the dismount? 1.4878 0.03139 449 273 133 43
114 I fell for a pyramid scheme. 1.4859 0.03559 389 247 95 47
115 Now gently put the wineglass on top of the bowl 1.4852 0.03482 406 258 99 49
116 How could a kid be more fun than this? 1.4848 0.03325 396 241 118 37
117 Just bringing to your attention that it's mealtime for all of us! 1.4832 0.03910 358 238 67 53
118 Hopefully the television will be fixed by tomorrow. 1.4832 0.03360 387 236 115 36
119 You told me I needed more balance in my life. 1.4829 0.03478 381 237 104 40
120 I'm working on a pet project. 1.4828 0.03673 348 218 92 38
121 You sure? The fish says he can hold you. 1.4815 0.03672 351 221 91 39
122 It was the cat’s idea. 1.4808 0.03575 364 228 97 39
123 I forgot what you asked me to do. 1.4808 0.03700 364 234 85 45
124 You need to be more specific. Which of us is the “good boy”? 1.4807 0.03653 362 230 90 42
125 Let me know when you start missing Netflix. 1.4801 0.03552 352 217 101 34
126 Its called Downward Dog, Cat, and Goldfish 1.4800 0.03895 350 231 70 49
127 Nope, nothing. Pets aren't under the couch. I don't know where they're at. 1.4799 0.04050 323 213 65 45
128 If you're not going to help look for my contact lens could you at least feed the fish? 1.4786 0.03484 374 233 103 38
129 This is not what I expected when you said you wanted to drink wine and try an exciting new position. 1.4773 0.03857 352 232 72 48
130 See. I get along with all your pets. So now, can I move in. 1.4756 0.03709 349 223 86 40
131 I've achieved work-life-dog-cat-fish balance. 1.4706 0.04001 323 214 66 43
132 It most certainly IS your turn, Marsha. 1.4704 0.04003 287 182 75 30
133 Just checking in again to see if you’ve had enough alone time. 1.4700 0.03482 383 244 98 41
134 Come on. I accomplished something during Covid. 1.4692 0.03655 341 216 90 35
135 Roll over? 1.4692 0.04403 292 201 45 46
136 Seriously? Letterman retired? 1.4672 0.03713 351 228 82 41
137 It's your turn to be the horsey. 1.4655 0.04031 290 187 71 32
138 Just put the glass on my head, then get the tightrope. 1.4655 0.03692 348 225 84 39
139 You become a very different person when you drink. 1.4645 0.03838 310 198 80 32
140 You say pyramid scheme, I say multi-level marketing team. 1.4643 0.03593 364 235 89 40
141 On 3. I stand up and you grab Nemo. 1.4638 0.03646 345 221 88 36
142 Could you scratch my nose? 1.4636 0.03940 302 195 74 33
143 Ok, now roll over. 1.4601 0.03825 326 213 76 37
144 Unfortunately, I’m still the low man on the totem pole… 1.4591 0.03621 342 219 89 34
145 I said I’d like some Cabernet, not Cirque du Soleil, Bob. 1.4581 0.03943 310 204 70 36
146 Men will really do anything but go to therapy. 1.4577 0.04029 284 184 70 30
147 I’d actually prefer you didn’t put your feet on the couch. 1.4571 0.03656 315 198 90 27
148 Yes, actually my back is better. 1.4567 0.03842 300 192 79 29
149 See? I can be supportive.” 1.4560 0.03944 307 202 70 35
150 Yes, but in my defense I did get the monkey off my back. 1.4559 0.04322 261 173 57 31
151 At least they have my back. 1.4527 0.03819 296 189 80 27
152 Okay! Okay! We're sorry we forgot Mother's Day! 1.4519 0.03734 312 200 83 29
153 Am I to assume one of you expects a treat? 1.4500 0.03973 280 181 72 27
154 Would you mind scratching my nose? 1.4497 0.04086 298 201 60 37
155 You knew the circus was in my blood when you married me, Darlene. 1.4481 0.03594 308 193 92 23
156 Honey, I may have gotten involved in a pyramid scheme. 1.4475 0.04539 257 178 43 36
157 Surprisingly, it was the cat who put up the least resistance. 1.4472 0.03779 322 212 76 34
158 Sorry, there were no more tickets available for Cirque du Soleil. 1.4451 0.03855 319 213 70 36
159 Ok, now slowly put the wine glass on top of the fish bowl. 1.4444 0.04030 306 208 60 38
160 Now do we get a treat? 1.4437 0.03790 302 196 78 28
161 You don't expect us to feed ourselves, do you? 1.4434 0.04230 309 219 43 47
162 It's a movie title. Four words. 1.4429 0.04158 280 189 58 33
163 Alright, what's step two? 1.4423 0.03757 312 204 78 30
164 Now do you believe that I was a cheerleader? 1.4414 0.03784 324 216 73 35
165 Honey, can you take over? I have to go to the bathroom. 1.4410 0.04386 229 150 57 22
166 No this does not make up for forgetting my Birthday 1.4406 0.03995 261 168 71 22
167 There’s still room for you between me and the dog. 1.4382 0.04106 251 163 66 22
168 The ring is in the fish bowl 1.4380 0.04062 274 182 64 28
169 There’s no time to explain, hop on 1.4375 0.04187 288 199 52 37
170 Cancelling Netflix was your idea. 1.4366 0.04162 268 180 59 29
171 I don't know what else you want from me, Brenda. 1.4357 0.04346 241 161 55 25
172 Well this awkward. Wrong apartment. 1.4353 0.04526 255 179 41 35
173 Is your goldfish always this bossy? 1.4350 0.04320 246 165 55 26
174 We’re all sick of your dry food. 1.4333 0.04667 240 169 38 33
175 The hard part was getting the fish to hold still and stop swimming! 1.4331 0.04182 254 169 60 25
176 We’ll never go viral if you just sit there. 1.4328 0.03953 268 175 70 23
177 Okay, now, slowly pass me the hamster… 1.4328 0.04219 238 156 61 21
178 We’re ready… release the Roomba! 1.4319 0.04471 213 140 54 19
179 They insisted I take them to my leader. 1.4319 0.04360 257 177 49 31
180 Usually, I wait to do this on a second date. 1.4310 0.04208 232 151 62 19
181 We were very productive while you were at work. 1.4302 0.04089 265 177 62 26
182 I’m telling you I can handle a third martini. 1.4291 0.04325 254 174 51 29
183 Whose idea? The fish. 1.4286 0.03557 315 204 87 24
184 I don't exactly know either, but the fish was very convincing 1.4272 0.04467 213 141 53 19
185 They've got my back. 1.4258 0.04775 209 144 41 24
186 Honestly, Milton. I don’t know where you find the time. 1.4249 0.04235 233 154 59 20
187 You're very hard to please. 1.4232 0.04298 241 163 54 24
188 And this concludes our digital-free evening of entertainment. 1.4220 0.04579 218 149 46 23
189 It all started when I began looking for my cuff link 1.4215 0.04320 223 148 56 19
190 Do you always make guys do this on the first date? 1.4215 0.04283 242 164 54 24
191 Somehow I don’t really think this is step 4. 1.4206 0.04231 233 155 58 20
192 Okay, now you get on. 1.4200 0.04105 250 167 61 22
193 Now, I climb onto you. 1.4180 0.04411 244 170 46 28
194 You said, and I quote: "You can come back if I you get your work and life in balance." 1.4175 0.04713 194 131 45 18
195 I know it's not exactly what you asked for, but doing it with the goldfish on the bottom just wasn't working. 1.4170 0.04115 235 155 62 18
196 And you have a better idea for the Christmas card? 1.4170 0.04370 247 172 47 28
197 What do you mean what am I doing? 1.4163 0.04295 221 147 56 18
198 I feel a sneeze coming on . . . 1.4163 0.04767 209 146 39 24
199 You left your camera at work? 1.4159 0.04499 226 156 46 24
200 The pig didn't show up for rehearsal. 1.4156 0.03977 243 159 67 17
201 Honey, when did you say employees will be going back into your office to work? 1.4152 0.04438 224 153 49 22
202 Damn, I forgot the bird. 1.4143 0.04128 251 170 58 23
203 Okay, so imagine this, but on water skis. 1.4138 0.04559 203 137 48 18
204 I give up... Omnivore, carnivore, pescatarian, vegan? 1.4111 0.04140 253 173 56 24
205 And you said I would be bored when I retired 1.4103 0.04253 234 159 54 21
206 You could at least look. 1.4103 0.04855 195 136 38 21
207 That's very impressive but I still want a divorce, Roger. 1.4091 0.04537 220 153 44 23
208 One of us lost our wedding ring. 1.4089 0.04805 225 164 30 31
209 Now if you could only balance your check book” 1.4087 0.04679 208 145 41 22
210 I’m going to need your help for our dismount. 1.4086 0.04604 186 124 48 14
211 Good. Now, twenty push ups. 1.4083 0.04329 218 147 53 18
212 NOW tell me who's the stable one in this relationship. 1.4082 0.04781 196 136 40 20
213 You forgot to feed us. 1.4077 0.04220 233 158 55 20
214 How long have you been home? 1.4076 0.04678 211 148 40 23
215 We need to be fed, scratched, walked, and, well, everything. 1.4071 0.04211 253 176 51 26
216 See, I can handle another pet. 1.4069 0.04642 204 141 43 20
217 See if you can extract the dog without disturbing the rest of the pack. 1.4064 0.04410 219 150 49 20
218 Well at least YOU got off my back 1.4059 0.04309 239 166 49 24
219 I have an explanation, except for the goldfish. 1.4057 0.04463 212 145 48 19
220 Now can we each have a treat? 1.4050 0.04707 200 139 41 20
221 If I was tipsy - would I be able to do this? 1.4041 0.04660 193 132 44 17
222 I think it goes without saying that we'd all like another treat. 1.4033 0.04373 243 172 44 27
223 Why are you so hard to please? 1.4031 0.04315 196 129 55 12
224 Yes! I AM up to my old tricks. 1.4029 0.04605 206 143 43 20
225 Turns out the guppie is a hypnotist. 1.4028 0.04526 211 146 45 20
226 A man, a dog, a cat, and a goldfish walk into a bar... 1.4023 0.04134 256 178 53 25
227 We have come humbly to apologize for whatever it was. 1.4018 0.04288 224 153 52 19
228 Just hold it- I’ll take a picture when I finish my wine 1.4016 0.04294 249 176 46 27
229 Who's a good boy? 1.4000 0.04618 205 143 42 20
230 I've changed my mind about getting a pony 1.3991 0.04120 218 145 59 14
231 We are all getting tired of working from home. 1.3990 0.04457 198 134 49 15
232 ...and then you would go on top. 1.3990 0.04825 193 136 37 20
233 We can’t find my keys. 1.3981 0.04317 211 143 52 16
234 We haven't quite figured out the finale 1.3979 0.04508 191 129 48 14
235 They seemed bored. 1.3977 0.05165 176 126 30 20
236 I finally managed to get the monkey off my back. 1.3973 0.04632 219 157 37 25
237 Yes, Greg, I still want a divorce 1.3972 0.04571 214 151 41 22
238 The house fly begged off because he thought the act was too dangerous. 1.3970 0.04496 199 136 47 16
239 …So you can see, that’s why we need a horse. 1.3958 0.04550 192 131 46 15
240 Now try. What has 10 legs,8 eyes,3 tails,and 2 arms? 1.3953 0.04457 215 150 45 20
241 I have no idea how the goldfish got there 1.3951 0.04346 205 139 51 15
242 Now that we have your attention; we beg you to give up your drinking. 1.3951 0.04508 205 142 45 18
243 Can your goat yoga instructor do this? 1.3946 0.04387 223 156 46 21
244 Fred, where’s the gerbil? 1.3945 0.04645 218 157 36 25
245 It's a pyramid scheme. 1.3939 0.04451 198 135 48 15
246 Goodbye Linda, we're off to join the circus. 1.3939 0.04730 198 140 38 20
247 I think it’s time I started working from the office again. 1.3938 0.04159 226 154 55 17
248 Charades. Pyramid scheme. 1.3938 0.04478 226 161 41 24
249 I'm super fragile cat-and-fish-with-extra-dog precocious. 1.3938 0.04985 193 140 30 23
250 Very cute, but I still need to see the ring. 1.3933 0.04662 178 121 44 13
251 And you said I couldn't get my act together! 1.3929 0.05275 168 121 28 19
252 OK, One more week and I'll be ready for a kid. 1.3925 0.04585 186 127 45 14
253 We need to talk to you about your drinking. 1.3923 0.04803 181 126 39 16
254 No. We don't roll over." 1.3920 0.04921 199 145 30 24
255 Please don't say, "roll over." 1.3920 0.04433 199 136 48 15
256 But we ALL need your attention, honey. 1.3920 0.04433 199 136 48 15
257 What do you mean, "Now sing for my supper"? 1.3915 0.04471 189 128 48 13
258 I was looking for my contacts. Then THIS happened. 1.3915 0.04398 212 147 47 18
259 Oh, so now you want to go out? 1.3902 0.04449 205 142 46 17
260 Well, you didn't want to have kids. 1.3901 0.05029 182 131 31 20
261 Anything left in that bottle? 1.3892 0.04794 203 147 33 23
262 We’re working on the dismount. 1.3883 0.04485 206 144 44 18
263 Now the wineglass on my head. 1.3876 0.04722 178 123 41 14
264 On the other hand, the monkey is off my back. 1.3874 0.04530 222 160 38 24
265 We want to go out. 1.3873 0.04461 204 142 45 17
266 Now, just add the hamster and you’ll have an idea of what it’s like to wear a bra and heels every day, Stan. 1.3869 0.04595 199 140 41 18
267 We really need to get someone's cable password. 1.3869 0.04484 199 138 45 16
268 Some pandemic era entertainment is here to stay. 1.3866 0.04564 194 135 43 16
269 Explain it again. How do pets reduce my stress?" 1.3866 0.04680 194 137 39 18
270 Now put the wine glass on my head and get the camera. 1.3858 0.04571 197 138 42 17
271 Do not ask me how the fish got up there 1.3850 0.04521 200 140 43 17
272 Don't just sit there, get the hamster cage! 1.3850 0.04052 226 154 57 15
273 Can you top this? 1.3850 0.04242 226 158 49 19
274 Well, it all started when I lost my contacts… 1.3846 0.04772 195 140 35 20
275 You were right!... Juggling everyone's needs IS harder than it looks! 1.3839 0.04247 211 145 51 15
276 Without the commute, I'm much more productive. 1.3838 0.04380 198 136 48 14
277 Can't we just watch a movie? 1.3838 0.04438 198 137 46 15
278 Now can I watch sports? 1.3835 0.04262 206 141 51 14
279 You still say our life ‘lacks balance’ ?” 1.3831 0.04217 201 136 53 12
280 You're the one that canceled all of our streaming services. 1.3829 0.04772 175 122 39 14
281 I still have a headache Richard. 1.3824 0.04870 170 119 37 14
282 Oh Ron, you're so predictable 1.3820 0.05102 178 130 28 20
283 Stop saying “food chain.” It removes the charm. 1.3812 0.04259 202 138 51 13
284 At least I finally got the monkey off my back! 1.3812 0.04593 202 144 39 19
285 The cable's been out since 7 PM; why do you ask? 1.3807 0.04750 176 123 39 14
286 Okay, we've officially bottomed-out entertaining ourselves at home during Covid. 1.3804 0.04793 184 131 36 17
287 I'm their support human 1.3801 0.04847 171 120 37 14
288 We solemnly promise never to forget Mother's Day again. 1.3799 0.04889 179 128 34 17
289 Your turn. 1.3797 0.04797 187 134 35 18
290 You win. Let’s have a kid.” 1.3787 0.04957 169 120 34 15
291 It's not what you think. 1.3778 0.04737 180 127 38 15
292 I found a new pet project. 1.3765 0.04877 162 113 37 12
293 Just to warn you, this next part gets a little weird. 1.3765 0.05032 162 115 33 14
294 I've looked for them everywhere, can you at least help? 1.3765 0.05107 162 116 31 15
295 In hindsight I don’t think our pet walker overcharged. 1.3763 0.04499 186 129 44 13
296 It was YOU who said we need more balance in our lives. 1.3757 0.04448 181 124 46 11
297 I'll go with "truth" this time. 1.3757 0.04378 181 123 48 10
298 This pose is like cat-cow, only more advanced 1.3756 0.04260 213 149 48 16
299 Any idea when the cable's coming back on? 1.3750 0.04274 192 131 50 11
300 It’s so hard to balance having pets with wanting to be free to come and go as we please. 1.3737 0.04237 190 129 51 10
301 Cirque du So Lame? 1.3735 0.05227 166 122 26 18
302 Darling – we want to talk about your drinking. The fish will start. 1.3731 0.04203 201 138 51 12
303 Yes,I know what hypnotic suggestion is. Why do you ask? 1.3730 0.04639 185 131 39 15
304 We'd love for you to join our act. 1.3729 0.04582 177 123 42 12
305 Then what exactly is your idea of heavy petting? 1.3729 0.05048 177 130 28 19
306 We were all wondering what's happening with dinner? 1.3725 0.04705 204 150 32 22
307 I miss the children. 1.3724 0.04335 196 136 47 13
308 I just feel like I’m supporting everything around here! 1.3724 0.04150 196 133 53 10
309 Okay, honey, climb on up there. 1.3716 0.05447 148 108 25 15
310 Now, keep your eye on the fish! 1.3716 0.04673 183 130 38 15
311 When I said four-play, that is not what I meant. 1.3716 0.04984 183 135 28 20
312 Next time, we're choosing "Truth". 1.3714 0.04892 175 126 33 16
313 It's my Charades impersonation of the Theory of Evolution". 1.3710 0.04743 186 134 35 17
314 The Doc swears this will cure lower back pain! 1.3709 0.05114 151 107 32 12
315 This is for you until the cable gets fixed. 1.3706 0.04557 170 117 43 10
316 And the parakeet is profoundly sorry as well. 1.3704 0.05172 162 118 28 16
317 Take the photo already, my knees hurt 1.3702 0.04482 208 150 39 19
318 Now you tell me that Letterman retired? 1.3700 0.04272 200 139 48 13
319 You still can’t come on the couch. 1.3697 0.05102 165 120 29 16
320 Despite her bland demeanor, Samantha privately harbored strong reservations about Ted’s theory of evolution. 1.3694 0.05291 157 115 26 16
321 I am impressed Harold, but you still have to do the dishes. 1.3687 0.04743 179 128 36 15
322 Please put your drink down. We are all begging you to make us dinner. 1.3687 0.04470 179 124 44 11
323 Well, here it is. This is what we do while you are at work all day. 1.3681 0.05375 144 104 27 13
324 This is not what I meant by a three way. 1.3675 0.04780 166 117 37 12
325 I feel like I've got to sneeze 1.3675 0.05004 166 120 31 15
326 I know. The fish makes no sense. 1.3671 0.05028 158 113 32 13
327 How are we going to break it to them that we have to go back to the office? 1.3669 0.04867 169 121 34 14
328 Honey, when are we getting fed? 1.3660 0.04355 194 136 45 13
329 Please don't say 'Walk the Dog' out-loud again. 1.3659 0.04818 164 116 36 12
330 I scratch your back, you scratch mine" got out of hand.. 1.3659 0.05045 164 119 30 15
331 When you said you had a surprise,I was thinking jewelry. 1.3657 0.04883 175 127 32 16
332 Why does the responsibility of our pets always land on my back? 1.3652 0.04689 178 127 37 14
333 Can you see the shrimp on the goldfish’s back?” 1.3652 0.04756 178 128 35 15
334 Why? To be in a New Yorker cartoon, that’s why. 1.3651 0.04739 189 138 33 18
335 And you're sure you don't want to reactivate the Netflix account? 1.3646 0.04953 181 134 28 19
336 We were wondering about dinner. 1.3646 0.04633 181 129 38 14
337 Sometimes it feels like I’m the only one raising them. 1.3641 0.04337 195 137 45 13
338 You’re the only one who doesn’t have my back. 1.3636 0.04557 165 114 42 9
339 Prepare the hoop of fire, Linda. 1.3631 0.05358 157 117 23 17
340 You are one tough audience. 1.3624 0.04968 149 105 34 10
341 It’s a lot harder than it looks. 1.3624 0.04968 149 105 34 10
342 I apologize if I've ever asked you to get off my back. 1.3622 0.04319 196 138 45 13
343 They didn't want to be juggled. 1.3621 0.05031 174 129 27 18
344 Of course, the actual nested coffee table would look different. 1.3621 0.05225 174 132 21 21
345 Who else is gonna take the picture? 1.3614 0.05209 166 124 24 18
346 Get the parrot. 1.3611 0.04349 216 157 40 19
347 Hurry! Get the parakeet! 1.3608 0.05017 158 114 31 13
348 We all felt you needed an intervention. 1.3600 0.04941 150 106 34 10
349 Who knew we would all lose our contact lenses at the same time? 1.3590 0.05220 156 115 26 15
350 It's raining cats and dogs out there. I'm soaked. 1.3590 0.05060 156 113 30 13
351 Doesn't anything make you smile? 1.3581 0.05074 148 106 31 11
352 This is not the same as having all my ducks in a row, Larry. 1.3580 0.05226 162 121 24 17
353 I can't stand living like this." 1.3580 0.05047 176 132 25 19
354 I think you missed the point of our discussion about coming up with new tricks to set the mood for date night. 1.3578 0.04137 204 143 49 12
355 Do you want to be on the top or bottom? 1.3578 0.05759 109 77 25 7
356 Wait till you see us on the trampoline. 1.3576 0.04860 165 119 33 13
357 Speaking for us all, we need something to eat. 1.3575 0.04724 179 130 34 15
358 The rest was easy once I figured out where to put the gerbil. 1.3571 0.04546 196 143 36 17
359 Feeding time! 1.3567 0.04951 157 113 32 12
360 Bad news honey… I got caught in a pyramid scheme. 1.3564 0.04862 188 141 27 20
361 The vote was unanimous. 1.3562 0.04964 160 116 31 13
362 Don’t look at me; it was the fish’s idea. 1.3562 0.04931 146 103 34 9
363 The pets are growing on me. 1.3562 0.05476 146 109 22 15
364 For the last time: none of you are allowed on the couch. 1.3559 0.05022 177 133 25 19
365 I fell for a fishy pyramid scheme again! 1.3556 0.04768 180 132 32 16
366 Impressive, but I still want the divorce. 1.3556 0.05708 135 101 20 14
367 Do you mind scratching my nose?" 1.3551 0.04911 138 96 35 7
368 I really don't see how we could balance kids right now. 1.3550 0.04699 169 121 36 12
369 Don't ask me to roll over. 1.3548 0.05238 155 115 25 15
370 We won't win without a bird' 1.3544 0.05006 158 115 30 13
371 Ah! I see we finally got your attention. 1.3543 0.04514 175 124 40 11
372 Actually, there is no TikTok challenge, I just wanted ten lousy minutes to relax and enjoy a glass of wine for once... 1.3543 0.04864 175 129 30 16
373 Quick! I'm going to sneeze! 1.3537 0.05025 164 121 28 15
374 We want to propose marriage. 1.3529 0.04894 170 125 30 15
375 If I go back to working in the office, we'll never finish our routine. 1.3525 0.05092 139 99 31 9
376 And you thought I couldn't balance my day? 1.3516 0.04912 182 137 26 19
377 Now that you mention it, yes, treats for everyone sounds great. 1.3514 0.04970 148 106 32 10
378 Either im already drunk, or you guys want to tell me something 1.3511 0.05410 131 95 26 10
379 Can we please just buy a television? 1.3511 0.04091 188 130 50 8
380 Okay,now the wine glass 1.3509 0.04503 171 121 40 10
381 Aren’t you glad you married me instead of your law school boyfriend? 1.3509 0.04503 171 121 40 10
382 It's like I'm evolving. 1.3506 0.05255 154 115 24 15
383 Can you fetch our worm farm so I can finish this tableau? 1.3503 0.04938 157 114 31 12
384 We need you on top 1.3500 0.04791 160 115 34 11
385 Quick -- will you marry me and my guys? 1.3497 0.04398 163 113 43 7
386 Have you seen the parakeet? 1.3497 0.05086 143 103 30 10
387 Bravo. Can you refill my glass now ? 1.3495 0.04519 186 135 37 14
388 We might need help, one of us needs to pee. 1.3494 0.04824 166 121 32 13
389 You haven’t looked at me like this since our honeymoon 1.3493 0.04917 146 104 33 9
390 Who wants to get petted first? 1.3485 0.05156 132 94 30 8
391 Sometimes, I feel like you don’t even notice me anymore. 1.3484 0.04808 155 111 34 10
392 Please don't tell your husband about this. 1.3481 0.04994 158 116 29 13
393 If you enjoyed our performance, could we please be fed now? 1.3481 0.04671 181 133 33 15
394 You have your ways of relaxing, I have mine. 1.3478 0.05209 138 100 28 10
395 Now who has 'no ambition'? 1.3478 0.05002 138 98 32 8
396 Feed us. 1.3476 0.05232 164 125 21 18
397 Enough? Is THIS enough? 1.3473 0.04947 167 124 28 15
398 What? No, I don’t think we’ve gotten too used to staying in. What makes you say that? 1.3473 0.04647 167 120 36 11
399 Impressive honey, but I would leave it off the resume if I were you 1.3473 0.04568 167 119 38 10
400 We weren’t sure exactly where you might fit in here. 1.3469 0.04889 147 105 33 9
401 So you're gonna just stop parenting now that we're empty-nesters? 1.3466 0.04553 176 127 37 12
402 All this and your mother's *still* coming to visit?! 1.3464 0.04358 179 127 42 10
403 So you’ll stay? 1.3462 0.05276 156 118 22 16
404 Now that we have your attention, this is an intervention. 1.3462 0.05429 130 95 25 10
405 Are you finished with that glass? 1.3462 0.04953 156 114 30 12
406 This was your pet project during lockdown? 1.3455 0.04987 165 123 27 15
407 C'mon - it's not a pyramid scheme without you! 1.3454 0.04194 194 138 45 11
408 Now can I have a Martini? 1.3453 0.05471 139 104 22 13
409 What about your hobbies? 1.3452 0.04775 168 123 32 13
410 I'm pretty sure we can squeeze you in 1.3451 0.05198 142 104 27 11
411 Honey, you are blocking the TV. 1.3446 0.05226 148 110 25 13
412 I think I'm speaking for the four of us here. 1.3435 0.04939 131 92 33 6
413 Don't blame me. It was their idea. 1.3427 0.04510 178 129 37 12
414 The only thing I have been able to get off of my back is the monkey. 1.3427 0.05071 143 104 29 10
415 Now can I have a glass of wine? 1.3425 0.05362 146 110 22 14
416 'Would you be able to squeeze in under the dog?' 1.3425 0.05091 146 107 28 11
417 Now? Your iPhone died now? 1.3417 0.05487 120 87 25 8
418 I think you're right. There's no way a child would fit into out lifestyle. 1.3415 0.04772 164 120 32 12
419 Still no orgasm? 1.3415 0.04926 164 122 28 14
420 The males in your life…in descending order of importance. 1.3412 0.04873 170 127 28 15
421 They say life is a balancing act. So I just figured I'd try it out. 1.3410 0.04523 173 125 37 11
422 Don’t just sit there, help me think of a caption! 1.3410 0.04881 173 130 27 16
423 My mother was right about you. 1.3409 0.05139 132 95 29 8
424 What do you mean roll over? 1.3404 0.05016 141 102 30 9
425 Honey, would you scratch my nose. 1.3403 0.04944 144 104 31 9
426 They had me certified as their support animal. 1.3403 0.04844 144 103 33 8
427 Give the fish a sporting chance. Hold the glass a little nearer. 1.3401 0.04874 147 106 32 9
428 We can't grovel any harder than this. 1.3401 0.04778 147 105 34 8
429 Mother was right. You’re never satisfied. 1.3400 0.05167 150 112 25 13
430 You knew about the party tricks when you married me. 1.3399 0.04652 153 109 36 8
431 We need to talk about my work-life balance. 1.3395 0.04966 162 121 27 14
432 We have a pecking disorder 1.3395 0.04647 162 117 35 10
433 The difference is, I'm doing this out of love, whereas they're doing it for food. 1.3391 0.04575 174 127 35 12
434 I was thinking of calling it "Cirque de So What?" 1.3390 0.06044 118 90 16 12
435 Well, you asked me what i did today... 1.3381 0.04629 139 97 37 5
436 We're all hungry. 1.3381 0.05262 139 103 25 11
437 You have to stay. We beg you. 1.3380 0.04986 142 103 30 9
438 Is now an OK time to talk? 1.3380 0.05085 142 104 28 10
439 Do you still think I just sit around all day? 1.3379 0.05012 145 106 29 10
440 Maybe we should have had kids. 1.3375 0.04511 160 114 38 8
441 You said no pets on the couch, right? 1.3374 0.04541 163 117 37 9
442 I’ll feed you all in a moment 1.3371 0.04638 178 132 32 14
443 Is the hierarchy of needs more clear to you now, Marge? 1.3370 0.04530 184 136 34 14
444 Just taking Rex,Whitey,and Goldie for a walk… back in 10 minutes. 1.3361 0.05374 119 86 26 7
445 Heads or tails? 1.3361 0.05774 122 92 19 11
446 I'm starting to think our couples counselor likes you better. 1.3360 0.05558 125 93 22 10
447 Training the fish was easy, the dog reluctant, the cat just wanted 25%. 1.3359 0.05484 131 98 22 11
448 Downward dog has sure evolved. 1.3358 0.05396 134 100 23 11
449 Life's a balancing act, Claire. 1.3358 0.05311 137 102 24 11
450 I don't know how the fishbowl got there. The cat did it. 1.3357 0.05327 140 105 23 12
451 Your turn, honey. 1.3357 0.05339 143 108 22 13
452 I'll be SO glad when the cable gets fixed!! 1.3356 0.05436 146 112 19 15
453 Quick, get my phone, it’s the latest TikTok challenge! 1.3356 0.04887 146 106 31 9
454 Quick honey, grab the bird 1.3355 0.04692 155 112 34 9
455 Just guess already! I’m tired of this dumb charade. 1.3354 0.04718 158 115 33 10
456 Think Maslow’s hierarchy but not quite. 1.3354 0.04488 161 115 38 8
457 I'm tired of supporting these pets. 1.3353 0.04543 167 121 36 10
458 I call it the downward dog cat fish pose. 1.3353 0.04641 170 125 33 12
459 Relax, honey! The cable guy is on the way. In the meantime... 1.3353 0.04511 173 126 36 11
460 That's closer! Now balance a career, kids, and the weight of women before you who never had opportunities. 1.3351 0.04541 194 146 31 17
461 Where’s the hamster? 1.3333 0.04841 156 115 30 11
462 You're taking this pyramid scheme a little too far. 1.3333 0.05151 135 99 27 9
463 We really need to fix the TV. 1.3333 0.05074 138 101 28 9
464 I hope that’s the water from the fish bowl that’s leaking on me… 1.3333 0.04897 141 102 31 8
465 Book title, 3 words, go! 1.3333 0.05177 138 102 26 10
466 So, any pet peeves? 1.3333 0.04729 153 111 33 9
467 The older I get the riskier for the goldfish. 1.3333 0.04667 156 113 34 9
468 …and that is how the block chain works” 1.3333 0.04941 159 119 27 13
469 Goddammit, woman! Get Guinness on the phone! 1.3333 0.05025 144 106 28 10
470 No time to explain, get in the bowl 1.3333 0.04971 168 128 24 16
471 Do I still look like an unbalanced person to you? 1.3312 0.04792 154 113 31 10
472 Can we get a parakeet? 1.3311 0.04948 151 112 28 11
473 Everyone seems to be piling on. Anything you want to add? 1.3310 0.04969 142 104 29 9
474 Can I have some wine, now? 1.3308 0.05198 133 98 26 9
475 Bill, this is not what I meant when I said I needed a more supportive husband 1.3308 0.05517 133 101 20 12
476 It was the fish's idea. 1.3307 0.05707 127 97 18 12
477 It's like I'm the only one trying to keep this marriage alive. 1.3293 0.04824 164 123 28 13
478 I miss the monkey. 1.3292 0.04808 161 120 29 12
479 I promise you this is the last pyramid scheme I’ll sign up for 1.3290 0.05023 155 117 25 13
480 You've got to admire the cat's self-reestraint 1.3289 0.04830 152 112 30 10
481 Nemo was a bit reluctant at first but he came around.” 1.3288 0.04673 146 105 34 7
482 So this is what you do while I’m at work. 1.3287 0.05039 143 106 27 10
483 Please leave the parakeet out of this. 1.3286 0.04803 140 101 32 7
484 Think ya can help me here, Sweetheart? I forgot to feed the goldfish. 1.3285 0.05087 137 101 27 9
485 Could you answer the phone? 1.3285 0.05087 137 101 27 9
486 Took us a while to train the gold fish … 1.3285 0.05192 137 102 25 10
487 You’ll not want to cross us, Margo. We have formed an alliance. 1.3285 0.05192 137 102 25 10
488 I liked it better when they just humped my leg. 1.3284 0.05482 134 102 20 12
489 Really Harold, I know how much you carry on your back. 1.3284 0.04943 134 97 30 7
490 C'mon Linda, why do I have to be the bottom tonight? 1.3284 0.05482 134 102 20 12
491 That is not what I meant by a balanced life!! 1.3280 0.05539 125 94 21 10
492 I keep telling you, I don’t have a monkey on my back. 1.3279 0.05390 122 90 24 8
493 It’s all about balance these days. 1.3277 0.04936 119 84 31 4
494 I don’t know…I was just looking for my contact lens. 1.3268 0.05065 153 116 24 13
495 Hamster?... Claire, why is nothing ever good enough for you? 1.3268 0.05149 153 117 22 14
496 Ummm, that's a nice effort, but my answer is still no. . 1.3268 0.04527 153 110 36 7
497 Do I have your attention now? 1.3267 0.04386 150 106 39 5
498 I added the fish after you ignored my last cry for attention. 1.3265 0.05031 147 110 26 11
499 Who's a good boy NOW 1.3264 0.05009 144 107 27 10
500 We're begging to be fed. 1.3264 0.04911 144 106 29 9
501 i like to think of it as domestic evolution 1.3264 0.05105 144 108 25 11
502 If Cleo eats Goldie, you're sleeping with Max! 1.3262 0.05181 141 106 24 11
503 I, too, am impressed by the fish. 1.3262 0.05181 141 106 24 11
504 Remarkable what we can accomplish when working from home. 1.3261 0.05056 138 102 27 9
505 not really what I meant when I said pyramid scheme 1.3259 0.05024 135 99 28 8
506 Lift your tails a bit higher, and STOP! Perfect picture. Now stay! 1.3254 0.04485 169 124 35 10
507 Aren't you going to ask me how the fish got up there? 1.3253 0.04774 166 125 28 13
508 I get it. We're out of pet food and beer. 1.3253 0.04697 166 124 30 12
509 I know we talked about balancing the household responsibilities more, but this isn’t exactly what I had in mind. 1.3253 0.04539 166 122 34 10
510 Well the pet store said "All Must Go". 1.3250 0.05571 120 90 21 9
511 I get it. You all want attention. 1.3246 0.05910 114 87 17 10
512 Now get the fish to bark. 1.3245 0.05021 151 114 25 12
513 Are we ready for Le Cirque du Soleil? 1.3245 0.04656 151 110 33 8
514 OK, here's your riddle: What has 12 legs, 3 tails, a dorsal fin, and he promises that he won't forget to put the toilet seat down again? 1.3243 0.05002 148 111 26 11
515 Does it count as four push-ups? 1.3243 0.04718 148 108 32 8
516 just do what they want. 1.3241 0.05074 145 109 25 11
517 Cute, but I still want Netflix 1.3241 0.04783 145 106 31 8
518 A little much for the third date? 1.3241 0.04882 145 107 29 9
519 How was your day? 1.3239 0.04746 142 103 32 7
520 The whole family is trying to cheer you up! 1.3235 0.04540 170 126 33 11
521 Honey, there's something I really need to get off my chest. 1.3231 0.05262 130 97 24 9
522 All my pets in descending order of required maintenance. 1.3230 0.04953 161 123 24 14
523 Would you like to hear about my latest pet project? 1.3226 0.04924 155 117 26 12
524 Sure I’ve got a lot going on but I’ve been balancing things well” 1.3226 0.04571 155 113 34 8
525 What does it look like I'm doing? 1.3223 0.05532 121 91 21 9
526 Try to imagine a ladybug standing on one leg on the rim of the fishbowl. 1.3219 0.05137 146 111 23 12
527 It's the only way to keep the dog from chasing after the cat and the cat from eating the goldfish. 1.3219 0.04854 146 108 29 9
528 They say that on our next trip , they are not going to be left behind! 1.3219 0.05044 146 110 25 11
529 Have you seen the pets? 1.3219 0.04755 146 107 31 8
530 Well, you did say I needed more balance in my life." 1.3217 0.05599 115 86 21 8
531 No matter what I do, I still feel like an underdog 1.3217 0.05733 115 87 19 9
532 You didn't open the '57 Lafite, did you? 1.3217 0.05022 143 107 26 10
533 Entertaining but can we just fix the tv 1.3206 0.05227 131 98 24 9
534 The pets are getting harder to support. 1.3205 0.04636 156 115 32 9
535 Maybe we should adjust the balance of responsibilities 1.3200 0.05400 125 94 22 9
536 Please guess, I can't keep up this charade much longer. 1.3197 0.05240 122 90 25 7
537 As the nominated spokesperson, we would like to humbly ask for your hand in marriage. 1.3193 0.06078 119 94 12 13
538 I think I fell for their pyramid scheme again... 1.3193 0.05328 119 88 24 7
539 Gesture? I thought you said you wanted a cute jester. 1.3185 0.05004 135 100 27 8
540 I'm not falling for your pyramid scheme this time. 1.3185 0.04870 157 119 26 12
541 We really need the pandemic to end 1.3185 0.04785 157 118 28 11
542 Marge, will you marry us? 1.3182 0.05081 132 98 26 8
543 I fell for their pyramid scheme. 1.3179 0.04639 151 111 32 8
544 The goat yoga class was fully booked. 1.3178 0.05160 129 96 25 8
545 Well, you said "perform". 1.3178 0.05390 129 98 21 10
546 I lost the horse. 1.3176 0.04602 148 108 33 7
547 So, this isn't the trick to a good marriage either? 1.3175 0.05363 126 95 22 9
548 We’re hungry. 1.3172 0.04864 145 108 28 9
549 You probably can’t see it but there’s a gnat above the fish bowl. 1.3171 0.05330 123 92 23 8
550 Great. Now try it with the fish on the bottom. 1.3169 0.04934 142 106 27 9
551 Dinner, party of four? 1.3167 0.05290 120 89 24 7
552 I’m going to need another cocktail. 1.3167 0.05156 120 88 26 6
553 I've got what? 1.3167 0.05549 120 91 20 9
554 We should have never canceled Netflix. 1.3165 0.04901 139 103 28 8
555 Where did you put the chainsaw, our best china and my unicycle? 1.3165 0.05309 139 107 20 12
556 We're really sorry. We didn't mean it. Please fix our dinners now. 1.3162 0.05187 136 103 23 10
557 The trainer said we need to make them feel supported. 1.3162 0.04973 136 101 27 8
558 I couldn't find the mouse. Do you think anyone will notice? 1.3158 0.05185 114 83 26 5
559 Maybe if we add flames? 1.3154 0.05241 130 98 23 9
560 I told you they’re my support animals. 1.3150 0.05208 127 95 24 8
561 We haven't even tried our dismount yet! 1.3148 0.05527 108 80 22 6
562 Okay, what happens next in your fantasy? 1.3147 0.04803 143 106 29 8
563 You're the one who said I should develop a hobby 1.3147 0.05004 143 108 25 10
564 Until we can afford Cirque du Soleil, it's going to be Cirque du living room. 1.3145 0.05535 124 95 19 10
565 Is there a monkey on my back? 1.3145 0.05039 124 91 27 6
566 Alicia ponders her work/life balance. Was the goldfish just too much? 1.3145 0.05293 124 93 23 8
567 Are those glasses new? 1.3145 0.05416 124 94 21 9
568 The bird is not cooperating 1.3145 0.04474 159 117 34 8
569 And that's how the fish got fleas. 1.3143 0.06248 105 82 13 10
570 On behalf of Bandit, Mr. Snickers, Bubbles, and myself, “Grey’s Anatomy” is a brilliant, in no way stupid show, and any offhand remark suggesting otherwise was made in both haste and error. 1.3143 0.05373 140 109 18 13
571 What do you mean 'vaudeville' is dead? 1.3143 0.04543 140 101 34 5
572 Charades: 'Evolution.' 1.3140 0.05253 121 90 24 7
573 Don’t ask how the fish got up there ! 1.3139 0.04942 137 102 27 8
574 Good boys. Now fetch me another glass of wine. 1.3139 0.05155 137 104 23 10
575 Can I help it if they were bored? 1.3139 0.05458 137 107 17 13
576 It was the goldfishes’ idea. 1.3136 0.05734 118 91 17 10
577 We are ready for America’s Got Talent!” 1.3133 0.04928 150 114 25 11
578 It's strange you would ask... 1.3130 0.04997 115 83 28 4
579 It’s true—we’re all your pets. 1.3130 0.05293 115 85 24 6
580 The Cat in the Hat has nothing on me! 1.3130 0.05435 115 86 22 7
581 You should try it in heels. 1.3130 0.04976 131 97 27 7
582 Finding work-life balance as a veterinarian isn't easy as it looks. 1.3130 0.05093 131 98 25 8
583 Now balance the checkbook! 1.3130 0.04976 131 97 27 7
584 That's not what it means when they say "work-life balance". 1.3125 0.05173 128 96 24 8
585 This is a bipartisan coalition looking into dinner. 1.3125 0.05406 128 98 20 10
586 It was buy one get two free at Petsmart, 1.3125 0.05518 128 99 18 11
587 The guy at the circus told us to stick to our day jobs 1.3120 0.04875 125 91 29 5
588 What makes you think you’re going to be the woman to finally domesticate me?” 1.3117 0.05254 154 122 16 16
589 For the finale, we reverse it. 1.3116 0.05520 138 109 15 14
590 Don’t spill your drink on the couch! 1.3116 0.04911 138 103 27 8
591 Obviously, when I said "get off my back," I wasn't speaking to you. 1.3115 0.05344 122 92 22 8
592 Let me guess,you all want dinner? 1.3113 0.05744 106 80 19 7
593 You’re gonna need two hands to Jenga the dog. 1.3113 0.05744 106 80 19 7
594 Don't get up. I'll see who's at the door. 1.3113 0.05744 106 80 19 7
595 Nice try honey, buy my balancing act as a full time working mom is still much harder. 1.3113 0.04809 151 114 27 10
596 I think I’m getting too old for heavy petting. 1.3111 0.04757 135 99 30 6
597 We need to act out one of my fantasies next. 1.3111 0.04872 135 100 28 7
598 Four more agents turned us down today. 1.3111 0.04394 135 96 36 3
599 I know what it looks like, but it's not just another pyramid scheme. 1.3110 0.04704 164 125 27 12
600 Are you doing “the whole thing” or is this “sounds like”? 1.3109 0.05303 119 89 23 7
601 I think I'm about to sneeze. 1.3107 0.06019 103 79 16 8
602 When will the TV be fixed? 1.3106 0.05173 132 100 23 9
603 Isn’t this what they mean by ‘pyramid scheme?’ 1.3106 0.05173 132 100 23 9
604 Now I see what you mean about Parenting being a balancing act. 1.3103 0.05532 116 88 20 8
605 See, I'm not useless 1.3101 0.04897 129 95 28 6
606 Switch places? 1.3099 0.05306 142 111 18 13
607 See? I can balance responsibilities. 1.3097 0.05772 113 87 17 9
608 Yes, as a matter of fact, I am fishing for a compliment. 1.3095 0.05098 126 94 25 7
609 Wow, the things we learned to do during lockdown 1.3095 0.05098 126 94 25 7
610 We're thinking of adding a horse to the act. 1.3095 0.04464 168 126 32 10
611 Honey, I swear it's not a pyramid scheme. 1.3095 0.05221 126 95 23 8
612 Is this another one of your pyramid schemes? 1.3094 0.05191 139 107 21 11
613 Aren't you at all curious as to how the goldfish bowl got on my back?" 1.3094 0.04773 139 103 29 7
614 Have you seen the Twister mat anywhere? 1.3093 0.06106 97 74 16 7
615 You think this is easy? The goldfish is bipolar, the cat doesn't speak a word of English, and the dog has to go real bad right now! 1.3092 0.04689 152 114 29 9
616 Have you seen the Iguana? 1.3092 0.04689 152 114 29 9
617 Now do you see why we need a bird? 1.3089 0.05552 123 95 18 10
618 Your going to have to put your drink down for this next bit ! 1.3088 0.04952 136 102 26 8
619 I know you are tired, but Please feed us 1.3088 0.05374 136 106 18 12
620 The wine glass goes on my nose, and you do your headstand on the fishbowl, and then we go right into the national anthem." 1.3084 0.05698 107 81 19 7
621 At least I don’t sit around drinking all day! 1.3083 0.05650 120 93 17 10
622 Remind me why we cancelled Netflix? 1.3083 0.05265 120 90 23 7
623 Will you kindly take your feet off the couch! 1.3082 0.04514 146 107 33 6
624 Very funny...now help me find my contact lens 1.3082 0.04717 159 121 27 11
625 You're the one who didn't want kids. 1.3077 0.05479 104 77 22 5
626 The goldfish? No one knows how he got there... 1.3077 0.05647 104 78 20 6
627 And that's how it feels for me 1.3077 0.04679 143 106 30 7
628 Impressive. But technically, the fish is not on all fours. 1.3077 0.04925 117 85 28 4
629 Thank God we never got the pet elephant you wanted 1.3077 0.04885 143 108 26 9
630 If only you could do that with the checkbook. 1.3071 0.05421 127 98 19 10
631 Wanna see a trick? 1.3071 0.04938 127 94 27 6
632 Get the canary. 1.3071 0.04938 127 94 27 6
633 Honey, have you seen any of the animals today? 1.3071 0.05647 127 100 15 12
634 Please just take the photo for my followers. 1.3070 0.05004 114 83 27 4
635 There's also a gnat on the fish. 1.3070 0.05727 114 88 17 9
636 This is why I can't go back to the office. 1.3066 0.05238 137 106 20 11
637 Obviously my efforts at work-life balance don't impress you. 1.3066 0.05029 137 104 24 9
638 I signed us up for the community talent contest. 1.3063 0.05399 111 83 22 6
639 First time living in a studio apartment? 1.3061 0.04980 147 113 23 11
640 WOULD YOU LIKE TO JOIN US? 1.3061 0.05073 147 114 21 12
641 Alison realizes her veterinarian husband still doesn’t understand what she means by “maintain proper work/life balance.” 1.3060 0.05528 134 106 15 13
642 We went viral when the cat ate the canary. 1.3060 0.05321 134 104 19 11
643 They're wondering if you could put your drink on my head? 1.3058 0.05358 121 92 21 8
644 Just trying downward dog-cat-fish 1.3056 0.04955 144 110 24 10
645 Can you go get the horse? 1.3053 0.05071 131 99 24 8
646 We're trying to find some balance in our lives. 1.3053 0.04953 131 98 26 7
647 I don't think pet peeves means what you think it means. 1.3053 0.06362 95 74 13 8
648 We can’t find the remote. 1.3051 0.05582 118 91 18 9
649 Could you take the fish off the cat's back...the turtle wants a ride. 1.3051 0.04740 118 85 30 3
650 The parrot said, 'no way!' 1.3051 0.05582 118 91 18 9
651 Pretty please... with a fishbowl on top? 1.3051 0.05582 118 91 18 9
652 I can’t find the baby. 👶🏼 1.3051 0.05582 118 91 18 9
653 We want a divorce. 1.3048 0.05600 105 79 20 6
654 We established a hierarchy. You’re on the bottom. 1.3047 0.05497 128 100 17 11
655 We are wondering what time is dinner 1.3047 0.05029 128 96 25 7
656 Are you not amused? 1.3043 0.04781 138 103 28 7
657 Now do you better understand evolution. 1.3043 0.04437 138 100 34 4
658 Okay, I admit it was a mistake to cancel ALL our streaming services. 1.3043 0.04890 138 104 26 8
659 What do you mean you can't find your phone? 1.3040 0.05355 125 96 20 9
660 If I am drunk could I do this? 1.3040 0.05233 125 95 22 8
661 Now, just clap your hands. 1.3039 0.05877 102 78 17 7
662 The cat did eat the other goldfish during our practice runs this morning. 1.3037 0.04850 135 101 27 7
663 Our twelve lives are in order. 1.3037 0.05073 135 103 23 9
664 Finally Bob realized that nothing could distract Marge from watching the Johnny Depp trial. 1.3036 0.05505 112 85 20 7
665 Quarantine is over Joe… 1.3033 0.05569 122 95 17 10
666 No, I can't answer the phone. 1.3032 0.04876 155 120 23 12
667 I don’t care. I am not making turducken. 1.3032 0.04961 155 121 21 13
668 Our turtle? He’s still on the way. 1.3030 0.05998 99 76 16 7
669 They begged me to. 1.3030 0.05644 99 74 20 5
670 You know what? I was wrong about us needing to cut back on the television. 1.3030 0.05371 132 103 18 11
671 Let's just pay the increased Netflix rate. 1.3030 0.05151 132 101 22 9
672 A baby? You've got to be kidding. 1.3028 0.05453 109 82 21 6
673 I lied, I don’t have Netflix 1.3028 0.05132 109 80 25 4
674 Dear, you're scaring the goldfish. 1.3025 0.05277 119 90 22 7
675 The bird has flown?! 1.3022 0.05070 139 107 22 10
676 Said the fish in the pot To the Mom on the cot I do not like this trick at all A cat, a dog, a Dad on a crawl 1.3020 0.04637 149 112 29 8
677 A first date to remember, am I right? 1.3019 0.05714 106 81 18 7
678 We need to talk. 1.3017 0.05772 116 91 15 10
679 Would you like to get in the act? 1.3017 0.05081 116 86 25 5
680 I wouldn't call it "horsing around" 1.3016 0.05665 126 100 14 12
681 Doing the ‘goldfish’ is my new yoga adaptation 1.3016 0.04817 126 93 28 5
682 This is not going to end well. 1.3015 0.04588 136 100 31 5
683 Honestly, I was only getting set to propose. 1.3012 0.06580 83 64 13 6
684 Aren't you at least impressed with the goldfish? 1.3009 0.05166 113 84 24 5
685 Darwin , shmarwin ! It's just a balancing act. 1.3009 0.05316 113 85 22 6
686 I know where I stand. It’s how that’s confusing. 1.3008 0.05529 123 96 17 10
687 You’re right, we should get a parrot 1.3008 0.05282 123 94 21 8
688 Honey,now you get on top. 1.3007 0.04552 143 106 31 6
689 As you can see, I am more than capable of balancing our checkbook. 1.3000 0.05311 130 101 19 10
690 Hey, my eyes are down here! 1.3000 0.05104 120 90 24 6
691 You're next! 1.3000 0.04841 130 97 27 6
692 How am I doing with the home part of the work/home balance? 1.3000 0.04841 130 97 27 6
693 Are you going to play or not? 1.3000 0.05500 120 93 18 9
694 We call it … Evolution! 1.3000 0.05563 110 84 19 7
695 We're ready for a child. 1.3000 0.04841 130 97 27 6
696 Feed us? Please? 1.3000 0.05038 140 108 22 10
697 Okay, I'll say it. You were right. I shouldn't have canceled our Apple TV subscription. 1.2992 0.05281 127 98 20 9
698 Now, may I have a drink? 1.2992 0.05039 127 96 24 7
699 If I move it will rain cats and dogs. 1.2992 0.05039 127 96 24 7
700 It's ok. I like being the underdogcatfish. 1.2992 0.05513 127 100 16 11
701 Objects Of Decreasing Desire 1.2991 0.05598 117 91 17 9
702 This maneuver is what got me the promotion at PetSmart.” 1.2991 0.05044 117 87 25 5
703 Ontogeny recapitulates phylogeny. 1.2991 0.05510 107 81 20 6
704 Can we discuss that no-pets-on-the-sofa rule? 1.2987 0.04619 154 117 28 9
705 Now, can I have my glass of wine, please? 1.2986 0.04525 144 107 31 6
706 C'mon--it's like we're reenacting "The Cat in the Hat! 1.2986 0.05033 144 112 21 11
707 They saw a mouse! 1.2985 0.05084 134 103 22 9
708 And you said I never brought you tiers of joy. 1.2985 0.05193 134 104 20 10
709 Why do I always have to kneel for treats when the pets get to stand? 1.2985 0.05193 134 104 20 10
710 They insisted I join. 1.2985 0.04741 134 100 28 6
711 I think our relationship lacks balance. 1.2984 0.04719 124 91 29 4
712 The fish spilled water on the cat. The cat peed on the dog. The dog is scratching my back and I am the man. 1.2984 0.05245 124 95 21 8
713 So can I have that drink now? 1.2981 0.05937 104 81 15 8
714 No, I don't think we should get a St. Bernard. 1.2980 0.04486 151 113 31 7
715 Well, I finally got the monkey off my back”. 1.2979 0.06205 94 73 14 7
716 I took your advice and I am trying to achieve balance in my life. 1.2979 0.04694 141 106 28 7
717 Top or bottom? Your choice. 1.2979 0.05007 141 109 22 10
718 Okay, now hop on top. 1.2977 0.05048 131 100 23 8
719 We all want you to stop drinking 1.2977 0.05048 131 100 23 8
720 Have you seen the snake? 1.2975 0.05585 121 95 16 10
721 OK,get on. 1.2975 0.05585 121 95 16 10
722 We really need to get cable again. 1.2970 0.05367 101 75 22 4
723 OK Now what? 1.2969 0.05005 128 97 24 7
724 What does it take to get through to you? 1.2969 0.05126 128 98 22 8
725 Cirque du Foyer 1.2969 0.04880 128 96 26 6
726 I swear, it's not what it looks like. 1.2966 0.05289 118 90 21 7
727 I hope you can see that I am building trust in the family! 1.2966 0.05150 118 89 23 6
728 This is what happens when you cancel your streaming subscriptions... 1.2966 0.05289 118 90 21 7
729 The cat was the hardest 1.2966 0.04603 145 109 29 7
730 It started with the fish swallowing a fly. 1.2963 0.05265 135 106 18 11
731 If you’re not going to join us, at least take the picture. 1.2963 0.05265 135 106 18 11
732 It's a new kind of pyramid scheme... 1.2963 0.04711 135 101 28 6
733 Who are you going to feed first? 1.2963 0.04711 135 101 28 6
734 Balance your wine glass on top of the fishbowl and we'll leave you alone. 1.2960 0.05083 125 95 23 7
735 I think this proves expiration dates on glue mean nothing. 1.2960 0.05451 125 98 17 10
736 You're sure this will fix my scoliosis? 1.2957 0.04779 115 84 28 3
737 Ac-hoo 1.2957 0.05520 115 89 18 8
738 You're a hard woman to please!!! 1.2957 0.05657 115 90 16 9
739 Yes,it may look funny, but we're able to use the carpool lane. 1.2955 0.04898 132 100 25 7
740 Can you FaceTime your sister? I want to show her something. 1.2955 0.04778 132 99 27 6
741 I invented a new yoga pose! It’s called cat dog fish cow. 1.2955 0.05014 132 101 23 8
742 It's cute, but Letterman isn't on anymore. 1.2953 0.04809 149 115 24 10
743 The donkey called out sick. 1.2952 0.05567 105 80 19 6
744 Get under me 1.2951 0.05294 122 94 20 8
745 It’s been a while since we did some heavy petting… 1.2946 0.05016 112 83 25 4
746 I said more FOREPLAY not FLOORPLAY 1.2941 0.05250 119 91 21 7
747 Just a smile would be great 1.2937 0.04637 143 108 28 7
748 Nice trick, but you all are still in trouble for what you did to the bird. 1.2937 0.04921 126 95 25 6
749 Watch! I roll left, bowser rolls right and misty lands on her feet without spilling a drop! 1.2936 0.05099 109 81 24 4
750 See, I told you that we didn't need cable tv. 1.2936 0.05263 109 82 22 5
751 You bring balance to our lives. 1.2935 0.06093 92 71 15 6
752 Cheerleading tryouts are tomorrow. 1.2933 0.04781 150 116 24 10
753 The key to a successful pyramid scheme is a diversity of participants. 1.2933 0.04590 150 114 28 8
754 So… in your dating profile, you did say that you were looking for a steady guy who would be comfortable around your pets… but… umm… 1.2932 0.05313 133 105 17 11
755 Drink up. I need the worm from your tequila. 1.2932 0.05094 133 103 21 9
756 It’s been impossible to impress you since we saw to Cirque du Soleil 1.2932 0.04981 133 102 23 8
757 I can't find them anywhere. 1.2931 0.05340 116 89 20 7
758 Are you certain this is foreplay? 1.2931 0.05613 116 91 16 9
759 Want to join our support group? 1.2929 0.06300 99 79 11 9
760 Hey, I’m just horsing around 1.2929 0.05964 99 77 15 7
761 Turns out there’s a pecking order. 1.2929 0.04476 140 104 31 5
762 Let's have children. 1.2929 0.04808 140 107 25 8
763 „I swear I was just looking for the remote and then this suddenly happened.“ 1.2929 0.04700 140 106 27 7
764 Now the goldfish needs you to scratch its back. 1.2927 0.05382 123 96 18 9
765 This isn’t as easy as it looks. 1.2927 0.06132 82 62 16 4
766 You said you wanted me to be more supportive of our family. 1.2923 0.04690 130 97 28 5
767 And then they beamed us aboard their spaceship. 1.2923 0.04938 130 99 24 7
768 There’s no way we’re getting a mouse, guys 1.2923 0.04938 130 99 24 7
769 Kowtow Bow-wow Meow Minnow 1.2922 0.05040 154 123 17 14
770 I get the feeling that everything is stacked against me… 1.2920 0.05433 113 87 19 7
771 I felt the need for more balance in my life. 1.2920 0.04978 113 84 25 4
772 That new hairdo is scaring the hell out of them. 1.2920 0.05286 113 86 21 6
773 May we have your attention now? 1.2920 0.04877 137 105 24 8
774 Will you feed us? 1.2920 0.04652 137 103 28 6
775 So, the cable is still out. 1.2917 0.05013 144 113 20 11
776 Would you PLEASE get the doorbell? 1.2917 0.05212 120 92 21 7
777 This game of charades is getting out of hand. 1.2917 0.06268 96 76 12 8
778 Would you like it here or there? would you like it anywhere? Not tonight Sam, I have a headache. 1.2917 0.05724 120 96 13 11
779 E-I-E-I-O 1.2917 0.06268 96 76 12 8
780 His online profile didn’t lie,” she thought, “he is really good at balancing his responsibilities. 1.2913 0.05013 127 97 23 7
781 You convinced me... we'll get a new TV set 1.2913 0.05374 127 100 17 10
782 This looked like more fun on TikTok 1.2913 0.05955 103 81 14 8
783 Don’t blame me. It was the fish’s idea. 1.2913 0.05793 103 80 16 7
784 Have these animals been fed lately? 1.2910 0.05171 134 105 19 10
785 What do you mean I’m the weakest link? 1.2910 0.04949 134 103 23 8
786 I’m improvising. The goats ran away. 1.2910 0.05171 134 105 19 10
787 I dunno, seems like a pyramid scheme to me. 1.2910 0.05061 134 104 21 9
788 I am reconsidering having kids. 1.2909 0.05059 110 82 24 4
789 Looks and sounds good enough for Bremen, Ohio. 1.2909 0.05681 110 86 16 8
790 You need us, so feed us.” 1.2909 0.05379 110 84 20 6
791 Variety show or TikTok video? 1.2903 0.05343 124 97 18 9
792 I think they're onto me." 1.2903 0.04962 124 94 24 6
793 We all sorry we forgot your birthday! 1.2903 0.04962 124 94 24 6
794 The fish wanted to go for a walk. 1.2901 0.04905 131 100 24 7
795 They told to pose like this but I have no idea why. Something about a caption for a cartoon. 1.2900 0.06079 100 79 13 8
796 Oh, you meant a different kind of playfulness. 1.2900 0.05738 100 77 17 6
797 What did you expect when you married a guy named Noah Zark? 1.2897 0.05635 107 83 17 7
798 I'm done, Louise. Time to sign up for cable. 1.2895 0.05534 114 89 17 8
799 How long have you been sitting there? 1.2895 0.05534 114 89 17 8
800 No time to explain, darling, get on the fish. 1.2895 0.05534 114 89 17 8
801 And how was your day? 1.2893 0.05174 121 93 21 7
802 Now THIS is a balancing act! 1.2893 0.05306 121 94 19 8
803 We want you to stop drinking. 1.2889 0.04444 135 100 31 4
804 FEED US DAMMIT 1.2887 0.04955 142 111 21 10
805 They said I was too old to quit my job and become a pet sitter. 1.2886 0.04395 149 112 31 6
806 You really need to read '101 Things To Do During COVID'. 1.2885 0.05409 104 79 20 5
807 I miss cable. 1.2883 0.05779 111 88 14 9
808 Thank God our pet pig ran away 1.2883 0.05337 111 85 20 6
809 I don't know how much longer we can handle the lockdown. 1.2883 0.05181 111 84 22 5
810 Anything not to talk about your feelings. 1.2881 0.04977 118 89 24 5
811 OK, I'll admit we're all domesticated. Now give us a treat! 1.2880 0.04795 125 94 26 5
812 Can you please feed us dinner? 1.2880 0.05057 125 96 22 7
813 Unfortunately the Ed Sullivan Show isn't on anymore. 1.2880 0.05057 125 96 22 7
814 Permission to move up the food chain. 1.2878 0.04923 139 108 22 9
815 I think Bubbles got me involved with a pyramid scheme 1.2878 0.05028 139 109 20 10
816 Excellent! You've stacked yourselves in order of importance to me. 1.2877 0.04555 146 111 28 7
817 I call it, ‘The Descent of Man.’ 1.2872 0.06167 94 74 13 7
818 None of us appreciate your team building exercises. 1.2870 0.05589 108 84 17 7
819 You think your dad will finally be impressed? 1.2870 0.05350 115 89 19 7
820 Why am I at the bottom of the petting order? 1.2870 0.05491 115 90 17 8
821 Take a picture…take a picture now! 1.2869 0.05640 122 98 13 11
822 It's time that the vet and my chiropractor talk. 1.2869 0.04429 122 89 31 2
823 Can we have a treat now?! 1.2869 0.05004 122 93 23 6
824 Bill I’m still going to file for the divorce 1.2869 0.05137 122 94 21 7
825 Honey when I said walk the dog, I meant JUST the dog 1.2868 0.05067 129 100 21 8
826 I know this isn’t the most ideal first date, but I promised them some playtime beforehand 1.2868 0.05067 129 100 21 8
827 May I get you anything else? 1.2857 0.05618 98 75 18 5
828 I'm trying to achieve better work-life balance. 1.2857 0.04893 126 96 24 6
829 You were the one who wanted to try something new. 1.2857 0.04982 112 84 24 4
830 What do you mean you don't know where your phone is!? 1.2857 0.05222 119 92 20 7
831 Add the baby. 1.2857 0.05182 133 105 18 10
832 NOW you want a refill? 1.2857 0.05356 119 93 18 8
833 What do you mean the fish isn't on all fours? 1.2857 0.05222 119 92 20 7
834 So its a book and a film, 3 words? 1.2857 0.04762 126 95 26 5
835 . The old dog wants to quit. He's claiming this is a new trick 1.2857 0.04818 112 83 26 3
836 Now may we have our treat? 1.2857 0.05021 126 97 22 7
837 No, I don’t think you can add that to your resume. 1.2857 0.04762 126 95 26 5
838 Pyramid of Eejit 1.2857 0.05733 112 89 14 9
839 If you don’t get the word I’m never playing again. 1.2848 0.04826 151 119 21 11
840 Okay, who’s your favourite? 1.2847 0.04854 137 106 23 8
841 Are you not entertained? 1.2846 0.04790 130 99 25 6
842 Good boy. Now roll over. 1.2846 0.05264 130 103 17 10
843 Don't just sit there, DO SOMETHING! 1.2846 0.05149 130 102 19 9
844 And now you want an ice cube in your wine? 1.2846 0.04790 130 99 25 6
845 Now can you see the fish? 1.2846 0.04968 123 94 23 6
846 Simon says what?!! 1.2845 0.05310 116 90 19 7
847 Goldfish can’t do the Downward Dog. 1.2845 0.05020 116 88 23 5
848 Starving for attention, I suppose. 1.2843 0.05283 102 77 21 4
849 So, you've won over my pets! 1.2841 0.06455 88 70 11 7
850 Now do a trick? What do you call this? 1.2836 0.05037 134 105 20 9
851 Yes, Mistress. Thank you, Mistress. 1.2836 0.04809 134 103 24 7
852 You're not amused by my animal husbandry? 1.2835 0.05111 127 99 20 8
853 Is this work-life balance? 1.2835 0.04987 127 98 22 7
854 Now can I please have the remote? 1.2833 0.05183 120 93 20 7
855 Now all we need for our act is a pony. 1.2833 0.04611 120 89 28 3
856 I’m sorry, Fred. I’m still not calling you by a pet name. 1.2832 0.05402 113 88 18 7
857 You could do this, too, if you'd stop drinking. 1.2832 0.05402 113 88 18 7
858 Have you seen a little mouse running around here anywhere? 1.2832 0.04944 113 85 24 4
859 See honey, I can still be spontaneous! 1.2832 0.05402 113 88 18 7
860 Now, how can you say I'm not a well-balanced guy? 1.2830 0.05487 106 82 18 6
861 ...and that's reason #8 why we desperately need a box turtle. 1.2830 0.05487 106 82 18 6
862 I get it, I'm not high on your list of priorities. 1.2830 0.05149 106 80 22 4
863 None of us could find the ring. 1.2828 0.05750 99 77 16 6
864 Just a few meetings, the usual. How was yours? 1.2828 0.05568 99 76 18 5
865 Okay honey, I promise I’ll get the TV fixed tomorrow. 1.2826 0.04823 138 107 23 8
866 Yes, this is close to what it feels like managing work, home and wfh! 1.2824 0.04880 131 101 23 7
867 C'mon,you're the missing link! 1.2823 0.04799 124 94 25 5
868 And you want to add a kid on top of that? 1.2823 0.05192 124 97 19 8
869 Do you still think we’ve lost our sense of adventure? 1.2821 0.05270 117 91 19 7
870 Now can we have sex? 1.2821 0.05408 117 92 17 8
871 We call this upward fish. 1.2821 0.05408 117 92 17 8
872 We're looking for the elephant in the room. 1.2818 0.05187 110 84 21 5
873 Okay, honey, you have our full attention. 1.2818 0.04855 110 82 25 3
874 Why yes, I suppose having you between me and the dog makes more sense than on top of the fish. 1.2818 0.05649 110 87 15 8
875 The cat said you’d be pleased. 1.2818 0.05500 110 86 17 7
876 I’m sick of being treated like I’m at the bottom of the food chain around here! 1.2818 0.05500 110 86 17 7
877 It's a bit early for wine. 1.2818 0.05346 110 85 19 6
878 But can a baby do *this*? 1.2816 0.05590 103 80 17 6
879 Now levitate. 1.2816 0.05758 103 81 15 7
880 No, dear - we can't turn around three times fast. 1.2816 0.05590 103 80 17 6
881 join me in pet jenga? 1.2816 0.05758 103 81 15 7
882 Chain of command 1.2816 0.05758 103 81 15 7
883 A dog, a cat and a goldfish ride into a living room...Wait! Is that my last Lafitte Rothschild? 1.2815 0.05221 135 108 16 11
884 We get bored when you're at work. 1.2812 0.04953 128 99 22 7
885 We want the Sofa !! 1.2812 0.05868 96 75 15 6
886 But you said we needed to work on the balance in our relationship. 1.2812 0.04953 128 99 22 7
887 You know the rules, baby: No feet on the couch. 1.2810 0.04770 153 121 21 11
888 I'm glad we didn't get that pet pony! 1.2810 0.04579 121 90 28 3
889 Remind me when the cable guy's coming again? 1.2807 0.05214 114 88 20 6
890 We’ve decided, your next pet has to be a bird. 1.2807 0.05643 114 91 14 9
891 Yes, I know, your Dad had a Doberman, a Panther and a Shark. 1.2807 0.05214 114 88 20 6
892 It's easy -- knock that back, then get between the dog and cat. 1.2807 0.05361 114 89 18 7
893 To think I was worried that your cat wouldn’t fit in. 1.2804 0.05602 107 84 16 7
894 Wait, what do you mean 'try switching places with the fish'? 1.2803 0.04965 132 103 21 8
895 but your ad said you wanted someone who was pet friendly and lived a balanced lifestyle 1.2803 0.04726 132 101 25 6
896 Have you seen my spider? 1.2803 0.05080 132 104 19 9
897 You told me to be a more supportive husband! 1.2803 0.05080 132 104 19 9
898 It seems I'm just the delta male in the family. 1.2800 0.05156 125 98 19 8
899 We learned this after watching a few TikToks. 1.2800 0.05333 100 76 20 4
900 This is not just an act. 1.2800 0.05700 100 78 16 6
901 What do you mean you’re too busy to take our picture? 1.2800 0.05874 100 79 14 7
902 Maybe we should extend our screen-time hours. 1.2797 0.04801 143 112 22 9
903 I'm trying to balance work and life. 1.2797 0.04644 118 88 27 3
904 I guess this is all we have while we wait for season 2 1.2797 0.05090 118 91 21 6
905 As a goldfish is to a cat and as a cat is to a dog, I am as to you, my pet. 1.2793 0.05147 111 85 21 5
906 The fish wanted to go for a walk too and this was easier than getting all the leashes sorted out. 1.2793 0.05748 111 89 13 9
907 Helen, what's it going to take for you to prepare dinner? 1.2791 0.04919 129 100 22 7
908 If you can bounce a ping-pong ball in the fish tank you win all of us. 1.2791 0.05041 129 101 20 8
909 How’s the reception now? 1.2791 0.05275 129 103 16 10
910 No, I don't think we should get a horse. 1.2789 0.04184 147 110 33 4
911 Finally made time for my pet project. 1.2788 0.05372 104 80 19 5
912 Totem Pole Submission, appearing in order of importance. 1.2788 0.05870 104 83 13 8
913 you said to do something with my life! 1.2787 0.04974 122 94 22 6
914 We’ve got each other’s backs. 1.2783 0.05024 115 88 22 5
915 My profile does say, "a vet with a good work life balance." 1.2783 0.04870 115 87 24 4
916 I’m trying to be more supportive 1.2783 0.05174 115 89 20 6
917 Almost there darling” 1.2782 0.04695 133 102 25 6
918 I can babysit too! 1.2781 0.04713 151 119 22 10
919 My chiropractor recommends I add more weight next week. 1.2778 0.05703 90 69 17 4
920 You’re right. I can’t imagine having a kid. 1.2778 0.05398 108 84 18 6
921 I got your goat yoga right here! 1.2774 0.05152 137 110 16 11
922 Why can't you be a team player? 1.2773 0.05459 119 95 15 9
923 This just isn’t your regular dog and pony show 1.2772 0.05472 101 78 18 5
924 Our family therapy homework, remember? Please get in. 1.2768 0.04947 112 85 23 4
925 I’ve become more creative working from home. 1.2766 0.05538 94 72 18 4
926 We'll always have your back. 1.2766 0.05936 94 74 14 6
927 We've gone through three goldfish practicing this trick. 1.2764 0.05072 123 96 20 7
928 There's no satisfying you!!! 1.2764 0.05202 123 97 18 8
929 I have a plan to save the pets from rising sea levels. 1.2764 0.04802 123 94 24 5
930 You can see how I've evolved. 1.2762 0.05496 105 82 17 6
931 I am the Walrus. 1.2759 0.05279 116 91 18 7
932 You're not even going to try to rekindle the passion? 1.2759 0.04676 116 87 26 3
933 I can’t seem to find any of the pets! 1.2759 0.06679 87 71 8 8
934 I’m glad you finally figured out the fish shouldn’t be on the bottom. 1.2756 0.05084 127 100 19 8
935 How do you make money on tiktok? 1.2756 0.05084 127 100 19 8
936 Actually, I'd rather you just look for the TV remote. 1.2755 0.05385 98 75 19 4
937 It's known as the animal pyramid 1.2752 0.05193 109 84 20 5
938 I know I'm at the bottom of your care hierarchy. 1.2752 0.05354 109 85 18 6
939 We don't need the donkey 1.2750 0.05288 120 95 17 8
940 Our days feel long too since you went back to the office. 1.2750 0.05016 120 93 21 6
941 There. Now can I have some wine? 1.2745 0.05601 102 80 16 6
942 There is no next trick. 1.2745 0.05424 102 79 18 5
943 So, anyway, what’d you do today? 1.2745 0.05601 102 80 16 6
944 Top this! 1.2743 0.05515 113 90 15 8
945 Cirque du Soleil, here we come! 1.2743 0.05221 113 88 19 6
946 I’ve graduated from goat yoga. 1.2742 0.04768 124 95 24 5
947 The hardest part was getting the goldfish to agree to come along. 1.2742 0.04904 124 96 22 6
948 So this is what dating is like now? 1.2741 0.04635 135 104 25 6
949 Not bad for amateurs. Now, let's see you switch places! 1.2741 0.04130 135 100 33 2
950 We all agree it’s not the same without you. 1.2740 0.04714 146 115 22 9
951 I think we need to get a TV. 1.2737 0.05487 95 73 18 4
952 There, I did it. Now can I go golfing tomorrow? 1.2736 0.04931 106 80 23 3
953 How long until the TV gets fixed? 1.2736 0.04931 106 80 23 3
954 And a partridge in a pear tree! 1.2735 0.05513 117 94 14 9
955 There's a pecking order here somewhere. 1.2735 0.04642 117 88 26 3
956 Thanks, I just needed to watch a man struggle under the weight of household responsibilities for once. 1.2735 0.04949 117 90 22 5
957 Why is my alone time so hard for you guys to deal with? 1.2735 0.05096 117 91 20 6
958 I JUST REMEMBERED CATS MAKE ME SNEEZE. 1.2734 0.04876 139 110 20 9
959 This is TikTok gold. 1.2734 0.04658 139 108 24 7
960 You are barking, meowing, and fishing up the wrong tree. 1.2727 0.05311 110 86 18 6
961 As God is my witness, we'll never give up TV for Lent again. 1.2727 0.05527 99 77 17 5
962 Give us a tongue roll and the fish leaps into your Chablis. 1.2727 0.04817 110 83 24 3
963 I think the fishbowl crushed the parakeet. 1.2727 0.04821 132 103 22 7
964 I have to go to the bathroom. 1.2727 0.05710 99 78 15 6
965 You're up. 1.2727 0.05888 99 79 13 7
966 This 'Old Goat Yoga' is working wonders for my back 1.2727 0.04574 132 101 26 5
967 Now do you think I’m ready to juggle fatherhood? 1.2727 0.04979 121 94 21 6
968 Now, carefully put the wine glass on the goldfish 1.2727 0.05311 110 86 18 6
969 Originally there was 5 of us, but the hedgehog was problematic. 1.2727 0.05535 88 67 18 3
970 I see working from home has been productive. 1.2727 0.04987 110 84 22 4
971 They decided we needed an org chart. 1.2720 0.05000 125 98 20 7
972 We need to get a bird. 1.2719 0.05328 114 90 17 7
973 Honey you gotta try downward facing dog cat fish. 1.2719 0.05328 114 90 17 7
974 You bought a horse? 1.2719 0.05028 114 88 21 5
975 Wait, how long has the cable been back on? 1.2719 0.05328 114 90 17 7
976 O.K., now you get on the fish. 1.2718 0.05721 103 82 14 7
977 “We call it trickle-down gymnastics.” 1.2717 0.06202 92 74 11 7
978 Hop on, my pet. 1.2713 0.04891 129 101 21 7
979 Obviously, we’ve had lots of alone-time to practice. I’m on goldfish number 14. 1.2713 0.04766 129 100 23 6
980 I can't believe you don't have your iPhone out! 1.2713 0.05014 129 102 19 8
981 Honey, the band's back together! 1.2713 0.04637 129 99 25 5
982 We have all agreed that we appreciate you. 1.2713 0.05133 129 103 17 9
983 The goldfish is very persuasive 1.2712 0.04763 118 90 24 4
984 'I thought you said a menagerie would spice up our relationship.' 1.2712 0.05058 118 92 20 6
985 I am asking you to top this 1.2712 0.04763 118 90 24 4
986 Let me know what the cat is doing, Margaret, he's always the weak link... 1.2710 0.05069 107 82 21 4
987 Do you mind, we’d like to have the couch. 1.2710 0.05240 107 83 19 5
988 We're sorry, but you're not the only one with a back problem! 1.2708 0.05437 96 74 18 4
989 Can we please cancel the fish's Instagram account? 1.2708 0.05231 96 73 20 3
990 Please take a picture. 1.2708 0.06366 96 79 8 9
991 You're a tough audience. 1.2708 0.05437 96 74 18 4
992 Now can we sit on the couch? 1.2708 0.05437 96 74 18 4
993 When I said I wanted you to impress me tonight, that’s not exactly what I had in mind 1.2708 0.05437 96 74 18 4
994 Is dinner ready? 1.2707 0.04668 133 103 24 6
995 As usual, Tweetie refused to participate 1.2705 0.04943 122 95 21 6
996 We’re ready, you can start the vacuum now. 1.2705 0.05079 122 96 19 7
997 Honey, I think you are finally ready to go on the road. 1.2705 0.04943 122 95 21 6
998 Well well, it's stacking up to be an interesting evening. 1.2703 0.05269 111 87 18 6
999 Now that you are home,feed us! 1.2701 0.04691 137 107 23 7
1000 Hmm, a little more to the left. 1.2700 0.05835 100 80 13 7
1001 For the final part of the trick, Rover will roll over. 1.2700 0.05660 100 79 15 6
1002 And it's called the Aristocrats! 1.2700 0.05660 100 79 15 6
1003 You don't want to know how the fish got there. 1.2698 0.05681 126 105 8 13
1004 Quick fetch the canary 1.2698 0.04702 126 97 24 5
1005 Now can we get a horse? 1.2697 0.06140 89 71 12 6
1006 Okay . . . so it's not the Wallendas, but it's still not something you see every day. 1.2696 0.04990 115 89 21 5
1007 Don’t worry they’ve got my back.. 1.2696 0.04990 115 89 21 5
1008 I don't feel like you're pulling your weight around here. 1.2696 0.04835 115 88 23 4
1009 What…. And give up show business? 1.2696 0.05429 115 92 15 8
1010 Family obedience school was a success! 1.2696 0.04835 115 88 23 4
1011 Carol: I'm not sure that I can be part of your support group any longer. 1.2695 0.04599 141 110 24 7
1012 This is not dog style 1.2692 0.05505 104 82 16 6
1013 Now that I have your attention 1.2692 0.05505 104 82 16 6
1014 The pet hierarchy of needs 1.2692 0.04858 130 102 21 7
1015 Jane, obviously the answer isn’t ‘Ordinary People.’ 1.2689 0.04877 119 92 22 5
1016 We're preserving the delicate balance of nature. 1.2688 0.05749 93 73 15 5
1017 Tik Tok? 1.2688 0.05749 93 73 15 5
1018 Just practicing my backbone exercises for when your mother arrives.. 1.2685 0.05028 108 83 21 4
1019 I lost a bet. 1.2685 0.05361 108 85 17 6
1020 Are you entertained yet? 1.2685 0.05197 108 84 19 5
1021 We lost the worm. 1.2685 0.05197 108 84 19 5
1022 It feels like you’re not carrying your weight in this relationship. 1.2685 0.05361 108 85 17 6
1023 Can we have our treats now? 1.2683 0.05042 123 97 19 7
1024 Up and down the chain of command, we worship you, Goddess! 1.2683 0.04908 123 96 21 6
1025 Take a photo quick for my instagram profile. 1.2683 0.04908 123 96 21 6
1026 Our new neighbors are a pet sitter and a hypnotist. 1.2680 0.05773 97 77 14 6
1027 I finally got that monkey off my back 1.2679 0.05379 112 89 16 7
1028 Could yu please feed the fish? 1.2679 0.04743 112 85 24 3
1029 I'll bet that Jim, your ex, couldn't do this. 1.2677 0.04802 127 99 22 6
1030 Pandemic rodeo is over guys 1.2676 0.04571 142 111 24 7
1031 Now do you understand why we need a bird? 1.2674 0.05830 86 67 15 4
1032 Carefully—balance the flea on the back of the fish. 1.2674 0.06060 86 68 13 5
1033 …And your mother called me spineless! 1.2674 0.06060 86 68 13 5
1034 Fine. We can resubscribe to Netflix. 1.2673 0.06116 101 83 9 9
1035 Taking them for a walk all at once was not as easy as I thought it would be. 1.2673 0.05430 101 79 17 5
1036 It may look like a carpet, but it's the back of an elephant. 1.2673 0.05610 101 80 15 6
1037 Do you need anything from PetSmart? 1.2672 0.04945 131 104 19 8
1038 You forgot the hamster. 1.2667 0.05653 90 70 16 4
1039 So, it’s not turtles all the way down, after all. 1.2667 0.05784 105 85 12 8
1040 Quick! Grab the camera!! 1.2667 0.04543 105 78 26 1
1041 Couldn't you have charged your phone BEFORE you got us to do this? 1.2667 0.05122 120 95 18 7
1042 Why do I need a job again…are you not seeing this? 1.2667 0.05458 105 83 16 6
1043 I have to sneeze 1.2661 0.05006 124 98 19 7
1044 And they said pets were easier to care for than children. 1.2661 0.05155 109 85 19 5
1045 It started with horsey rides for Ellen when she was small. Then I looked at TikTok 1.2661 0.04814 109 83 23 3
1046 Lately, a lot of things have been weighing on me. 1.2661 0.04988 109 84 21 4
1047 I told you not to get involved with another pyramid scheme. 1.2661 0.05628 109 88 13 8
1048 See? I told you all those months practicing in the basement would be worth it. 1.2661 0.05155 109 85 19 5
1049 The fish started it. 1.2661 0.05475 109 87 15 7
1050 Don't laugh, I am one parakeet away from a spot on The Today Show. 1.2658 0.06165 79 62 13 4
1051 Just warming up. The checkbook is next. 1.2655 0.05031 113 88 20 5
1052 Please play with us 1.2655 0.04872 113 87 22 4
1053 I think I'm finally getting that work/home balance. 1.2655 0.05031 113 88 20 5
1054 On her third pour, Linda was actually kinda impressed. 1.2655 0.04872 113 87 22 4
1055 They've been doing this ever since we watched that Netflix special on goat yoga. 1.2655 0.05186 113 89 18 6
1056 It's good- but it won't go viral 1.2653 0.05533 98 77 16 5
1057 They're usually quite peeved with each other. 1.2653 0.05720 98 78 14 6
1058 IS SEASON TWO BETTER THAN THIS?!?. 1.2652 0.05028 132 106 17 9
1059 See? Old Doug CAN do new tricks! 1.2651 0.06433 83 67 10 6
1060 What do you mean Letterman retired? 1.2651 0.06201 83 66 12 5
1061 What do you mean Letterman doesn't do stupid pet tricks anymore? 1.2651 0.05959 83 65 14 4
1062 I'll be so glad when the TV is fixed... 1.2650 0.05206 117 93 17 7
1063 Maintaining a work-life balance. 1.2650 0.05206 117 93 17 7
1064 The quadfecta of pets 1.2647 0.05732 102 82 13 7
1065 For your next act, how about takimg out the garbage? 1.2647 0.05200 102 79 19 4
1066 Uh-oh! I think I hear the mailman coming up the driveway. 1.2647 0.05899 102 83 11 8
1067 I still think it’s missing something … 1.2647 0.05200 102 79 19 4
1068 Pleasing you, Lois, is a real balancing-act. 1.2645 0.04947 121 95 20 6
1069 My other girlfriend wasn't impressed either 1.2645 0.04806 121 94 22 5
1070 It's NOT a pyramid scheme, Alice – it's a family. 1.2642 0.05576 106 85 14 7
1071 The fish wants to know what's holding the floor up. Turtles? 1.2642 0.05412 106 84 16 6
1072 Help! We've fallen and can't get up! 1.2642 0.05244 106 83 18 5
1073 This isn’t want I meant when I said I wanted a threesome 1.2642 0.05244 106 83 18 5
1074 I’m not in the mood for Jenga right now, Harold. 1.2642 0.05735 106 86 12 8
1075 Can I have a sip of that? 1.2637 0.05813 91 72 14 5
1076 Is oral sex still out of the question? 1.2637 0.06218 91 74 10 7
1077 How’s your Internet connection now? 1.2637 0.04901 91 68 22 1
1078 Now do you forgive us? 1.2637 0.06019 91 73 12 6
1079 ‘Did you write “P.C. Vey” on the carpet?’ 1.2637 0.06600 91 76 6 9
1080 Stop replacing xanax with lsd 1.2636 0.05274 110 87 17 6
1081 It's humans all the way down. 1.2632 0.05439 95 74 17 4
1082 No, I refuse to get you a horse for your birthday. 1.2632 0.05145 114 90 18 6
1083 You just needed to ask! 1.2632 0.05837 95 76 13 6
1084 Get a mop. 1.2632 0.06025 95 77 11 7
1085 They call it ‘The Aristocrats’. 1.2632 0.04879 133 106 19 8
1086 At this rate, we’ll never win the cheerleading competition 1.2632 0.04640 133 104 23 6
1087 Are you still bored? 1.2627 0.04728 118 91 23 4
1088 We're all begging on my hands and knees 1.2627 0.04878 118 92 21 5
1089 I’m having a little fun, get off my back. 1.2626 0.05292 99 77 18 4
1090 Ha, can your old boyfriend do this? 1.2626 0.05094 99 76 20 3
1091 Funny, I still can’t balance the checkbook. 1.2626 0.04887 99 75 22 2
1092 This performance is dedicated to Goldie I, Goldie II, Goldie III, and the carpet in the guest bedroom. 1.2626 0.05094 99 76 20 3
1093 But pet yoga is so much more relaxing than wine! 1.2621 0.04772 103 78 23 2
1094 For my next trick… 1.2621 0.05155 103 80 19 4
1095 Define tipsy. 1.2621 0.05337 103 81 17 5
1096 I'm giving a TED Talk on inter-species harmony. 1.2621 0.05512 103 82 15 6
1097 It’s Ms. Maslow's hierarchy of needs. 1.2621 0.05337 103 81 17 5
1098 That’s not the food pyramid. 1.2619 0.05062 126 101 17 8
1099 Now, you get on top of the fish 1.2619 0.05186 126 102 15 9
1100 Having this many pets is a real balancing act 1.2619 0.04805 126 99 21 6
1101 You said you needed balance in your life. 1.2617 0.05200 107 84 18 5
1102 It's the new alternative to goat yoga. 1.2617 0.04849 107 82 22 3
1103 The Ed Sullivan show went off the air years ago. 1.2617 0.05028 107 83 20 4
1104 How is this better than screens? 1.2617 0.05686 107 87 12 8
1105 This is your hierarchy of affection. 1.2617 0.05529 107 86 14 7
1106 We have practiced all week 1.2617 0.05529 107 86 14 7
1107 Are we at least an entertaining three ring circus? 1.2615 0.04443 130 100 26 4
1108 Don’t tell the fish, but the cat is working for scale. 1.2614 0.05713 88 69 15 4
1109 Laugh, please. 1.2614 0.05713 88 69 15 4
1110 America's Got Talent material? Yes or no. 1.2613 0.05073 111 87 19 5
1111 Okay, I'm ready to sign up for Netflix again. 1.2613 0.04909 111 86 21 4
1112 You opened the Château Margaux. 1.2613 0.05232 111 88 17 6
1113 Harold, you know these pyramid schemes nevrer work! 1.2613 0.04563 111 84 25 2
1114 Tomorrow, it’s your turn to walk them. 1.2613 0.05232 111 88 17 6
1115 It was going to be higher but the iguana refuses to work with Mr. Whiskers. 1.2612 0.04846 134 107 19 8
1116 We really should have had kids. 1.2612 0.04609 134 105 23 6
1117 Wine relaxes you. This keeps me balanced. 1.2609 0.05960 92 74 12 6
1118 It's Father's Day - can we please watch the US Open? 1.2609 0.05756 92 73 14 5
1119 Quick, check if this is a Guinness category. 1.2609 0.05545 92 72 16 4
1120 I couldn’t get the parakeet to perch on the fish bowl. 1.2609 0.05396 115 93 14 8
1121 Where's the parrot? 1.2609 0.05756 92 73 14 5
1122 While impressive, I still don't think veterinary schools have cheer squad scholarships. 1.2609 0.04797 115 89 22 4
1123 This is not quite what I meant when I asked you to surprise me. 1.2605 0.04693 119 92 23 4
1124 You have our attention. 1.2604 0.05182 96 74 19 3
1125 Giving all my pets equal attention requires a balancing act. 1.2604 0.05182 96 74 19 3
1126 The the future of evolution. 1.2604 0.05389 96 75 17 4
1127 Now, don't move until I fetch the pony 1.2602 0.04594 123 95 24 4
1128 Didn't you say it was time to change his water anyway? 1.2602 0.05011 123 98 18 7
1129 May I have your attention, please 1.2598 0.04771 127 100 21 6
1130 We’re back! 1.2598 0.04638 127 99 23 5
1131 How much longer? 1.2596 0.05465 104 83 15 6
1132 Here is the cocktail goldfish you requested 1.2596 0.05465 104 83 15 6
1133 You idiot! 1.2596 0.05796 104 85 11 8
1134 I call it a Humane Society Pyramid. 1.2596 0.05291 104 82 17 5
1135 I am going to sneeze! 1.2596 0.05465 104 83 15 6
1136 I'm gonna need a hand, here. 1.2596 0.04926 104 80 21 3
1137 You see, Susan? I am able support this household 1.2596 0.05291 104 82 17 5
1138 Tiffany, my love, I think we need to chat about your preferred foreplay. 1.2595 0.04672 131 103 22 6
1139 Sidney, is this another one of your pyramid schemes? 1.2593 0.06754 81 67 7 7
1140 My next trick will be peace in the Middle East. 1.2593 0.06521 81 66 9 6
1141 Babe, you’re blocking the TV. 1.2593 0.05323 108 86 16 6
1142 I can’t see the tv. 1.2593 0.05158 108 85 18 5
1143 Now do you believe I’m doing all the heavy lifting around here, Sally? 1.2593 0.05323 108 86 16 6
1144 You see? It works better if I'm on the bottom. 1.2586 0.05354 116 94 14 8
1145 What do you mean, "Ringling Brothers isn't using any more animal acts!"? 1.2583 0.04506 120 92 25 3
1146 No, no pony. 1.2583 0.05090 120 96 17 7
1147 I suppose you want me to put the parakeet on top. 1.2583 0.04659 120 93 23 4
1148 This is much more satisfying than a job. 1.2583 0.04807 120 94 21 5
1149 The whale fell off. 1.2583 0.04950 120 95 19 6
1150 NOW can we have the remote back? 1.2583 0.04807 120 94 21 5
1151 It was Goldy''s idea. 1.2581 0.04704 124 97 22 5
1152 I’m preparing for our vacation in Bremen. 1.2581 0.04562 124 96 24 4
1153 Bipedalism was a mistake. 1.2581 0.05701 93 74 14 5
1154 I thought you'd enjoy seeing it before we go on tour. 1.2581 0.04841 124 98 20 6
1155 let me see you stand on your head too! 1.2581 0.06097 93 76 10 7
1156 I can't wait until the pandemic really ends! 1.2581 0.05492 93 73 16 4
1157 It's called the Peaceable Kingdom position. 1.2577 0.05135 97 75 19 3
1158 You're right, this is easier than making sense of cryptocurrency. 1.2577 0.05728 97 78 13 6
1159 You're having wine at 5 o'clock? 1.2577 0.05135 97 75 19 3
1160 George, I don’t think this is what our therapist meant when she recommended a family bonding night. 1.2577 0.05728 97 78 13 6
1161 You’re not cut out for working from home. 1.2574 0.04804 101 77 22 2
1162 And you thought a Turducken was great! 1.2574 0.05200 101 79 18 4
1163 They were cheaper than a chiropractor. 1.2574 0.04593 101 76 24 1
1164 My life/work balance needed fixing. 1.2574 0.04428 136 106 25 5
1165 I really hope you find a new TV show to watch soon. 1.2574 0.04428 136 106 25 5
1166 See! STACKED was NOT in reference to you. 1.2571 0.05418 105 84 15 6
1167 I guess I am ready for grandchildren. 1.2571 0.05418 105 84 15 6
1168 We're done practicing. Seriously, which way to Carnegie Hall? 1.2571 0.05246 105 83 17 5
1169 Practicing for when the children come? 1.2571 0.04494 105 79 25 1
1170 NOBODY POOP!!! 1.2571 0.04885 105 81 21 3
1171 Fair? No. Balanced? Yes! 1.2569 0.05279 109 87 16 6
1172 You see!?! I can be a stable person for you. 1.2569 0.05592 109 89 12 8
1173 Does this prove that I am well balanced enough to have kids? 1.2569 0.05438 109 88 14 7
1174 If you don’t even get this, Helen, I fear you stand no chance at tomorrow night’s charades at the Henderson‘s. 1.2569 0.04772 109 84 22 3
1175 I miss going out for entertainment. 1.2566 0.05149 113 90 17 6
1176 Too soon? 1.2566 0.05149 113 90 17 6
1177 If you offer me a Martini i,ll put the parrot on top of the fish 1.2566 0.04314 113 85 27 1
1178 Nice act, but I'm still taking the night off from cooking. 1.2564 0.04726 117 91 22 4
1179 How are the Kardashians more interesting than this? 1.2564 0.06435 78 63 10 5
1180 It’s the only way we can keep you off our backs. 1.2564 0.04879 117 92 20 5
1181 I am calling it 'Work Life Balance'. 1.2564 0.04232 117 88 28 1
1182 According to Newton, the fish is the perceived genius in this scenario. 1.2564 0.04879 117 92 20 5
1183 Just stand on your head atop the fish bowl for the family photo 1.2564 0.05172 117 94 16 7
1184 OK, now balance that glass of wine on my head! 1.2564 0.05605 78 60 16 2
1185 When did you say the TV was going to be fixed? 1.2564 0.05895 78 61 14 3
1186 I think I had too much wine 1.2564 0.06435 78 63 10 5
1187 I don't think that was a micro dose, Phil. 1.2564 0.06435 78 63 10 5
1188 I told you I had a creative side 1.2562 0.04914 121 96 19 6
1189 What do you mean you want a divorce?! 1.2561 0.05964 82 65 13 4
1190 Are you sure your "IQ pyramid" is in the correct order? 1.2560 0.04806 125 99 20 6
1191 Well don’t just sit there. Get the camera! 1.2560 0.04806 125 99 20 6
1192 You know I’m terrible at charades. 1.2560 0.04806 125 99 20 6
1193 Sorry,it will take a lot more than that. 1.2558 0.05532 86 67 16 3
1194 They want to know where you go. 1.2556 0.04851 133 107 18 8
1195 If I take the dog out, will you change the cat litter and feed the fish? 1.2556 0.04485 133 104 24 5
1196 No, we are not getting an elephant. 1.2556 0.05600 90 71 15 4
1197 We perfected this during the lockdown 1.2556 0.05600 90 71 15 4
1198 I told you life with me was going to be a balancing act. 1.2556 0.05373 90 70 17 3
1199 Can't we just go back to spanking? 1.2556 0.05373 90 70 17 3
1200 Why must I always be the low man on the totem pole? 1.2556 0.06030 90 73 11 6
1201 Now watch me me flip the goldfish into the cat's mouth and give the dog a big drink. 1.2553 0.05846 94 76 12 6
1202 I just got you off my back, and now I have this. 1.2553 0.05846 94 76 12 6
1203 It's cheaper than a Peloton. 1.2553 0.05440 94 74 16 4
1204 NOW are you zen? 1.2553 0.05846 94 76 12 6
1205 The horse wanted an advance. 1.2551 0.05858 98 80 11 7
1206 No I don't know how she put the fish bowl on her back! 1.2551 0.05487 98 78 15 5
1207 We finally found a fish that gets it. 1.2551 0.06035 98 81 9 8
1208 They like the yoga class! 1.2551 0.05487 98 78 15 5
1209 I have to go back for the bird. 1.2551 0.05676 98 79 13 6
1210 'constructive criticism, please' 1.2549 0.05340 102 81 16 5
1211 Just a sip?!? 1.2549 0.05692 102 83 12 7
1212 Would you like to join my yoga class? 1.2549 0.05155 102 80 18 4
1213 You forgot to say “Mother, may I”. 1.2549 0.05155 102 80 18 4
1214 Please don't go back to the office. We need you here. 1.2547 0.04458 106 80 25 1
1215 Wow, another pointless New Yorker cartoon from an artist who doesn't understand eyeballs 1.2547 0.05537 106 86 13 7
1216 I figured you'd be more likely to feed us if we approached you as a blockchain. 1.2547 0.05202 106 84 17 5
1217 Friday night with Mr.& Mrs. Empty Nesters. 1.2547 0.04845 106 82 21 3
1218 I think you’ve had enough to drink, honey. 1.2547 0.05537 106 86 13 7
1219 We are re-enacting the "Bremen Town Musicians!" I am the ass. 1.2545 0.05980 110 93 6 11
1220 There’s only one place I haven't looked. They’ve got to be hiding under the couch” 1.2545 0.05546 110 90 12 8
1221 It’s all just a balancing act 1.2545 0.05074 110 87 18 5
1222 Wow, you suck at charades. 1.2544 0.05259 114 92 15 7
1223 Apparently it's NOT turtles all the way down. 1.2544 0.04955 114 90 19 5
1224 If we have a kid, there won’t be any time for this. 1.2544 0.04631 114 88 23 3
1225 My therapist said I need to learn how to balance 1.2544 0.05109 114 91 17 6
1226 See, the flea on the rim of the fishbowl? 1.2542 0.04690 118 92 22 4
1227 Impressive, but what about the hamster? 1.2542 0.05540 118 98 10 10
1228 Something is wrong with the pecking order in this house. 1.2542 0.04842 118 93 20 5
1229 Impressive! You really can do everything but the dishes! 1.2542 0.04990 118 94 18 6
1230 So a dog, a cat ,and a fish crawl into a bar.... 1.2541 0.04878 122 97 19 6
1231 We want to discuss our pet peeves. 1.2540 0.04638 126 99 22 5
1232 Are you sure you wouldn't rather re-watch something on Netflix? 1.2540 0.04904 126 101 18 7
1233 And you STILL want to watch Netflix? 1.2537 0.04818 134 108 18 8
1234 Can I have a divorce now 1.2536 0.05045 138 114 13 11
1235 I have to admit, I’m glad we didn’t get the St. Bernard. 1.2529 0.04964 87 66 20 1
1236 Seriously, Margaret, 1.2529 0.05476 87 68 16 3
1237 I meant the checkbook. 1.2527 0.05546 91 72 15 4
1238 I really think I can monetize this. 1.2527 0.05321 91 71 17 3
1239 Maybe I will finally win ….This Weeks Contest. 1.2527 0.05546 91 72 15 4
1240 For my next trick, I will complete todays Wordle in 3 tries. 1.2527 0.05546 91 72 15 4
1241 Impressive but it’s still your turn to make dinner. 1.2527 0.05321 91 71 17 3
1242 Hope on. I got this. 1.2527 0.05762 91 73 13 5
1243 Sorry Hun, I still can't find your pet tarantula. 1.2526 0.04956 95 73 20 2
1244 We come to you on my hands and knees and humbly ask that we have dinner now. 1.2526 0.05177 95 74 18 3
1245 It would really help if you’d walk the pets sometime too, honey 1.2526 0.04956 95 73 20 2
1246 But can you do it on water skis? 1.2525 0.05804 99 81 11 7
1247 Did you feed the goldfish today? It looks hungry. 1.2525 0.05245 99 78 17 4
1248 We’re teaching the fish to juggle. 1.2525 0.05044 99 77 19 3
1249 I was expecting a diamond ring 1.2525 0.05624 99 80 13 6
1250 Can we get a gerbil? 1.2525 0.05624 99 80 13 6
1251 ...ok, now do a backflip 1.2525 0.05438 99 79 15 5
1252 And that’s blockchain. 1.2524 0.05470 103 83 14 6
1253 Sweetheart, will you marry us? 1.2524 0.05110 103 81 18 4
1254 This can’t seriously be how you rank us. 1.2524 0.05641 103 84 12 7
1255 Can you get the door, honey? My right leg fell asleep! 1.2524 0.05470 103 83 14 6
1256 Marion, please, that's the last of the 1967 Chateau d'Yquem. 1.2524 0.05110 103 81 18 4
1257 This will stop them from interrupting my Zoom meetings. 1.2523 0.05159 107 85 17 5
1258 I've balanced our budget, balanced the dog, cat and goldfish (who all hate each other) all on my back. What more do I have to do to get a glass of wine? 1.2523 0.04985 107 84 19 4
1259 No props in charades? Now you tell me! 1.2523 0.05159 107 85 17 5
1260 Okay- now the fish on bottom. 1.2523 0.04805 107 83 21 3
1261 You have your wine hobby and I have mine. 1.2523 0.04985 107 84 19 4
1262 I'm striving for work-life balance. 1.2523 0.04985 107 84 19 4
1263 You complete us. 1.2523 0.04985 107 84 19 4
1264 Are you ready for the Grand Finale? 1.2523 0.04697 111 86 22 3
1265 Quick, call the parrot. 1.2523 0.04697 111 86 22 3
1266 Do you think our backyard is big enough for a horse? 1.2523 0.05034 111 88 18 5
1267 I told you! I don't KNOW how the fish got up there! 1.2521 0.04500 119 92 24 3
1268 Charlotte, will you marry us? 1.2521 0.05094 119 96 16 7
1269 Sorry, I couldn't get the parakeet to cooperate. 1.2521 0.04806 119 94 20 5
1270 OK,now jump in the bowl! 1.2521 0.05094 119 96 16 7
1271 The true heirarchy. 1.2521 0.05094 119 96 16 7
1272 Sorry,Chuck. I still think Shondaland is more entertaining. 1.2520 0.04978 123 99 17 7
1273 I don't think that qualifies for America's Got Talent 1.2520 0.04467 127 99 24 4
1274 Good God, what have you done with the hamster? 1.2519 0.04888 131 106 17 8
1275 Can we get a kid? 1.2500 0.04994 112 89 18 5
1276 He may be just a goldfish, but boy is he persuasive. 1.2500 0.05030 116 93 17 6
1277 Yeah,but can your boyfriend do this? 1.2500 0.05883 88 71 12 5
1278 We all recommend table pose for relaxation. 1.2500 0.05000 100 78 19 3
1279 Cocktail Hour 2022 1.2500 0.05423 104 84 14 6
1280 Do you still think I'm unbalanced, Amanda? 1.2500 0.05541 96 77 14 5
1281 Now that COVID is abating, you really need to go back to the office… 1.2500 0.05116 108 86 17 5
1282 Fifteen million followers... I MUST be doing something RIGHT. 1.2500 0.05270 92 72 17 3
1283 The donkey tested positive and couldn't make it. 1.2500 0.04722 116 91 21 4
1284 A man who doggedly wants to be a catfish? 1.2500 0.04706 128 102 20 6
1285 It was this or play hide-and-seek 1.2500 0.05152 112 90 16 6
1286 I'm working my way up to balancing our checkbook. 1.2500 0.05492 92 73 15 4
1287 We practiced all day while you were at work. 1.2500 0.04519 136 108 22 6
1288 ...and what is your next request, your highness? 1.2500 0.05038 92 71 19 2
1289 Goat yoga is so last year. 1.2500 0.04944 108 85 19 4
1290 Oh Steve — you had me at dog! 1.2500 0.05283 108 87 15 6
1291 Get a photo. All this training and practice MIGHT pay off. 1.2500 0.04722 116 91 21 4
1292 That's the last time we use a dog trainer who's also a hypnotist. 1.2500 0.05152 112 90 16 6
1293 I asked for a coffee table. 1.2500 0.06033 80 64 12 4
1294 We all beg you, stop drinking now. 1.2500 0.05175 88 68 18 2
1295 Maslow? Never heard of him. Why do you ask? 1.2500 0.05130 96 75 18 3
1296 Welcome to Cirque du Duane. Please silence your cell phones. 1.2500 0.06248 76 61 11 4
1297 We aim to put the happy in your happy hour. 1.2500 0.05541 96 77 14 5
1298 We just making sure you are enjoying your me time 1.2500 0.04879 104 81 20 3
1299 In the scale of low maintenance… 1.2500 0.05130 96 75 18 3
1300 I’m sick of balancing the books all week. Thought I’d shake things up. 1.2500 0.04879 104 81 20 3
1301 We all agree. It’s time to eat. 1.2481 0.04453 133 105 23 5
1302 I'm sorry I can't deal with your pet peeves just now. I've enough on my back as it is. 1.2481 0.04926 129 105 16 8
1303 Quick! Call Cirque du Soleil! 1.2481 0.05047 129 106 14 9
1304 Oh, great Goddess, your creatures request their sustenance. 1.2481 0.04801 129 104 18 7
1305 NOW can have martini? 1.2480 0.05286 125 104 11 10
1306 Why can't we just do goat yoga? 1.2480 0.05407 125 105 9 11
1307 Let me get this straight - the goldfish represents self-actualization? 1.2480 0.04773 125 100 19 6
1308 Go fish? 1.2479 0.04588 121 95 22 4
1309 that's it?..A CHEAP BID FOR ATTENTION? 1.2479 0.04527 117 91 23 3
1310 Dog, cat, fish yoga is going viral! 1.2478 0.04792 113 89 20 4
1311 Another year of quarantine, and I think we can really take this show on the road. 1.2478 0.05111 113 91 16 6
1312 I realize the fish is hardly in on the trick 1.2478 0.05111 113 91 16 6
1313 When does our quarantine end again? 1.2478 0.04954 113 90 18 5
1314 Where the hell is your phone? 1.2477 0.04904 109 86 19 4
1315 Honey, please don't spill your wine. 1.2477 0.05399 109 89 13 7
1316 It's a package deal. 1.2476 0.05376 105 85 14 6
1317 Food pyramid. 1.2476 0.05024 105 83 18 4
1318 Please be careful where you toss that olive. 1.2476 0.05203 105 84 16 5
1319 Now that I've got you trained, go take out the trash. 1.2476 0.05024 105 83 18 4
1320 Now you get on. 1.2476 0.05376 105 85 14 6
1321 It’s a TikTok trend. 1.2476 0.05376 105 85 14 6
1322 How many likes will we get on influencersgonewild? 1.2476 0.05203 105 84 16 5
1323 Don't move! There's a tarantula under the cushion. 1.2475 0.05341 101 81 15 5
1324 And what did you learn during the pandemic? 1.2475 0.04956 101 79 19 3
1325 I'd be way more impressed if you fed them once in a while. 1.2475 0.05152 101 80 17 4
1326 I think I’m going to sneeze. 1.2474 0.05682 97 79 12 6
1327 My HMO insurance suggests six weeks of this before they will approve acupuncture. 1.2474 0.05290 97 77 16 4
1328 Are you taking it on the road? 1.2473 0.05853 93 76 11 6
1329 Now, will you cook me dinner? 1.2473 0.05853 93 76 11 6
1330 It took me a year, but you must admit it was a quarantine spent well. 1.2473 0.04991 93 72 19 2
1331 I’m heading to the store. Do you need anything? 1.2473 0.05650 93 75 13 5
1332 All set. Where's the hoop? 1.2472 0.05367 89 70 16 3
1333 Now will you tell us the new wifi password? 1.2472 0.05367 89 70 16 3
1334 Okay, now will you marry me? 1.2472 0.05367 89 70 16 3
1335 …please take me back 1.2472 0.05824 89 72 12 5
1336 Every night, Keith had to earn a seat on the couch. 1.2471 0.05775 85 68 13 4
1337 These I can balance. The checkbook, I can’t. 1.2471 0.05268 85 66 17 2
1338 We took a vote, and you don't stack up. 1.2471 0.05775 85 68 13 4
1339 Honey, I think it’s time we start trying for children. 1.2471 0.05775 85 68 13 4
1340 Ok, is that enough foreplay? 1.2471 0.06013 85 69 11 5
1341 It's a guy thing. 1.2469 0.05966 81 65 12 4
1342 Enough "me time," we really would like your attention! 1.2469 0.05701 81 64 14 3
1343 I'm helping them with their posture. 1.2469 0.05966 81 65 12 4
1344 I need you to water the plants. 1.2468 0.06175 77 62 11 4
1345 Happy Mother’s Day. 1.2468 0.06445 77 63 9 5
1346 Next time it’s your turn to walk the pets. 1.2464 0.06332 69 55 11 3
1347 Okay there, we did it. Now can you give us the remote back? 1.2462 0.04768 130 105 18 7
1348 You told me to pull my weight. 1.2459 0.04701 122 97 20 5
1349 Have you seen our hamster? 1.2456 0.04915 114 91 18 5
1350 This is why we need a capybara! 1.2455 0.04690 110 86 21 3
1351 Is it dinner time yet? 1.2455 0.05196 110 89 15 6
1352 We're all begging you....Please!!! 1.2455 0.05196 110 89 15 6
1353 Cmon! It’s not a pyramid without you! 1.2455 0.04865 110 87 19 4
1354 Don’t move, she can’t see us if we stand still. 1.2453 0.04982 106 84 18 4
1355 We’ve had way too much time on our hands. 1.2453 0.04798 106 83 20 3
1356 But I am supportive. 1.2453 0.04798 106 83 20 3
1357 I really think I'm balancing more than you, Margery. 1.2453 0.05159 106 85 16 5
1358 Can we get a parrot? 1.2453 0.04982 106 84 18 4
1359 Honey, just balance that wineglass on top of the fishbowl and we’ve got ourselves a winning family tiktok! 1.2453 0.04982 106 84 18 4
1360 It sucks when the internet goes out. 1.2451 0.05294 102 82 15 5
1361 I think we should get a horse. 1.2451 0.05649 102 84 11 7
1362 Guess who's supposed to be on the bottom..... 1.2451 0.04914 102 80 19 3
1363 First word-Pyramid? 1.2451 0.05294 102 82 15 5
1364 The ant drowned. 1.2451 0.05474 102 83 13 6
1365 Please honey, don't cancel our Netfllix subscription. 1.2451 0.04914 102 80 19 3
1366 We know other tricks too. 1.2449 0.05242 98 78 16 4
1367 Do you need any more proof of my animal magnetism? 1.2449 0.05991 98 82 8 8
1368 The aristocrats. 1.2447 0.05596 94 76 13 5
1369 Now if I can do this with the checkbook ......." 1.2447 0.05387 94 75 15 4
1370 You sure? Once the baby’s here, you’ll never have time for stuff like this. 1.2447 0.05796 94 77 11 6
1371 I need you to call an ambulance. 1.2447 0.05596 94 76 13 5
1372 Lisa, I'm leaving you for Cirque du Soleil. 1.2447 0.04944 94 73 19 2
1373 We can also reverse the positions. 1.2447 0.05387 94 75 15 4
1374 Back scratch? 1.2447 0.05596 94 76 13 5
1375 What do you mean you left the camera in the other room? 1.2444 0.05544 90 72 14 4
1376 Do it with the fish on the bottom and I’ll consider feeding you. 1.2444 0.05544 90 72 14 4
1377 It was the fish's idea, I swear! 1.2442 0.06175 86 71 9 6
1378 We all want to go to Disney World before it leaves Florida. 1.2441 0.04706 127 102 19 6
1379 I think next week we can just choose to watch a movie instead 1.2439 0.05900 82 66 12 4
1380 Maybe we should just let them on the couch. 1.2439 0.05900 82 66 12 4
1381 Are you sure this is how The Flying Wallendas got started? 1.2436 0.05824 78 62 13 3
1382 Told you I'm stable. 1.2436 0.06370 78 64 9 5
1383 Okay, I've got it. We don't have to start a family. 1.2435 0.04877 115 92 18 5
1384 The layered look 1.2435 0.05031 115 93 16 6
1385 They've been watching goat yoga on Animal Planet. 1.2435 0.04718 115 91 20 4
1386 - I give up, Herbert... what's the name of the movie? 1.2435 0.05180 115 94 14 7
1387 Okay, we did it. Now make mine a double. 1.2432 0.04826 111 88 19 4
1388 It’s the latest TikTok craze. 1.2432 0.05154 111 90 15 6
1389 There you go, escalating things again. 1.2432 0.04653 111 87 21 3
1390 I feel like an ass. 1.2432 0.04992 111 89 17 5
1391 Honey, you keep us all in balance 1.2432 0.05711 74 58 14 2
1392 “We all got ‘good boy’ at obedience school today.” 1.2430 0.05116 107 86 16 5
1393 Honey,have you seen the parakeet? 1.2430 0.05449 107 88 12 7
1394 Okay Michael, we get it! You support animal causes! 1.2430 0.04940 107 85 18 4
1395 We're trying to figure out how to get you into the act too. 1.2430 0.04759 107 84 20 3
1396 I always wanted kids. 1.2430 0.05116 107 86 16 5
1397 - "ok, great! Now, rollover?!" 1.2430 0.05116 107 86 16 5
1398 Oh, c'mon Janet. Leaning Tower of Pisa? Obviously we're the Great Pyramid! 1.2427 0.04871 103 81 19 3
1399 The pets are getting out of hand 1.2427 0.05426 103 84 13 6
1400 The one time you’re not on your phone….. 1.2427 0.05248 103 83 15 5
1401 Now, for our next trick.... 1.2427 0.05063 103 82 17 4
1402 Honey, think it's time you return to the office. 1.2427 0.05063 103 82 17 4
1403 Funny? Kinda Funny? Not Funny? 1.2427 0.05248 103 83 15 5
1404 Devolution? 1.2427 0.05426 103 84 13 6
1405 Really? It was such a turn-on for other women I've dated. 1.2424 0.04992 99 78 18 3
1406 We are begging you for some personal time. 1.2424 0.05390 99 80 14 5
1407 I swear, every day's a circus living with you! 1.2421 0.04899 95 74 19 2
1408 We're missing the turtle. 1.2421 0.05542 95 77 13 5
1409 And you ask me why I drink? 1.2421 0.05542 95 77 13 5
1410 Quick, call David Letterman. I finally perfected my Stupid Pet Tricks act. 1.2421 0.05337 95 76 15 4
1411 What’s “The Gong Show?” 1.2421 0.05122 95 75 17 3
1412 I think the turducken was better. 1.2421 0.05542 95 77 13 5
1413 This is all we have so far. 1.2421 0.05542 95 77 13 5
1414 It’s our emergency evacuation plan. 1.2421 0.04899 95 74 19 2
1415 The Alpha Female surveys her kingdom. 1.2421 0.05122 95 75 17 3
1416 I thought you said pet tricks and chill. 1.2421 0.05741 95 78 11 6
1417 Not exactly my idea of happy hour! 1.2421 0.05542 95 77 13 5
1418 Beth, please take us back. 1.2421 0.05741 95 78 11 6
1419 The fish assured me it’s not a pyramid scheme 1.2421 0.05542 95 77 13 5
1420 Your ad said "Dom." Guess I didn't know it also meant "Domesticatrix." 1.2419 0.05040 124 102 14 8
1421 Climb on, my pet! 1.2418 0.05263 91 72 16 3
1422 Would you care to join our team-building exercise? 1.2418 0.04776 91 70 20 1
1423 Apparently the “Entire” family thinks I should quit drinking! 1.2418 0.05263 91 72 16 3
1424 What do you mean, your phone's charging?! 1.2418 0.05025 91 71 18 2
1425 Do I have to do EVERYTHING around here? 1.2418 0.05490 91 73 14 4
1426 I'm not getting on the couch until we're all allowed on the couch. 1.2418 0.05708 91 74 12 5
1427 They saw a Goat Yoga video. 1.2418 0.05490 91 73 14 4
1428 Well, you never mentioned you drank wine in your profile. 1.2418 0.05708 91 74 12 5
1429 We all think you should have a baby. 1.2418 0.05025 91 71 18 2
1430 The fish already called top. 1.2418 0.05918 91 75 10 6
1431 Obviously NOT turtles all the way down. 1.2417 0.05020 120 98 15 7
1432 Feel like you're in Egypt yet? 1.2414 0.05414 87 69 15 3
1433 Come on, give us five. 1.2414 0.05887 87 71 11 5
1434 I was just trying to find the remote… 1.2414 0.05887 87 71 11 5
1435 Why is it such a balancing act with you? 1.2414 0.04682 116 92 20 4
1436 Join us, the photographer will be here soon for our family portriat. 1.2411 0.04952 112 90 17 5
1437 Honey, we’re leaving you. 1.2410 0.05836 83 67 12 4
1438 Maybe we should've had kids after all. 1.2410 0.05836 83 67 12 4
1439 Alright now very carefully, climb on top of the fish 1.2410 0.05579 83 66 14 3
1440 ‘I told you there wasn’t enough space in this apartment for all of us’ 1.2410 0.05024 83 64 18 1
1441 Now will you marry me? 1.2407 0.04533 108 84 22 2
1442 But Finland's Got Talent might be easier to win. 1.2407 0.05241 108 88 14 6
1443 It was the dogs idea, someone called him old. 1.2407 0.04720 108 85 20 3
1444 What's next? 1.2407 0.04900 108 86 18 4
1445 Remember our talk about Animal magnetism" 1.2407 0.04720 108 85 20 3
1446 Once again the wine leads to heavy petting. 1.2407 0.05403 108 89 12 7
1447 Your the one that wanted a new zoom background. 1.2405 0.06297 79 65 9 5
1448 I think we win this time. 1.2405 0.05469 79 62 15 2
1449 Simon says, "Roll over!" 1.2405 0.06033 79 64 11 4
1450 Having exhaustively examined the evidence the four of us are in unanimous agreement: it's a wine stain." 1.2405 0.06297 79 65 9 5
1451 I miss the Ed Sullivan Show 1.2404 0.05550 104 86 11 7
1452 I’m near the end of my pet obedience class. 1.2404 0.04830 104 82 19 3
1453 I told you the kids wouldn’t take care of the pets… 1.2404 0.04830 104 82 19 3
1454 This idea that "I've got your back" has gotten out of hand. 1.2400 0.05707 100 83 10 7
1455 Kids gets in here, your mom doesn’t believe me. 1.2400 0.05341 100 81 14 5
1456 I swear it’s not a pyramid scheme 1.2400 0.04948 100 79 18 3
1457 Ummm... is this the "live Charades" version of turducken? 1.2400 0.05148 100 80 16 4
1458 I’m the bottom feeder! 1.2400 0.05148 100 80 16 4
1459 Household Ponzi. The cat talked me into it. 1.2400 0.04522 100 77 22 1
1460 ``We, the humbled and contrite, no longer believe it is your responsibility to feed us. But if you feel the urge, knock yourself out.'' 1.2400 0.04948 100 79 18 3
1461 Would you marry us ? 1.2400 0.05148 100 80 16 4
1462 You're not the only one who can multitask. 1.2400 0.04948 100 79 18 3
1463 I'm taking the dog, the cat and the fish for a walk 1.2400 0.04948 100 79 18 3
1464 Maybe we should just pay for our own Netflix account 1.2400 0.05148 100 80 16 4
1465 OK. I took my act on the road. 1.2396 0.05876 96 80 9 7
1466 Go grab the parrot! 1.2396 0.05490 96 78 13 5
1467 Ok, I think I’m ready to return to the office now. 1.2396 0.05287 96 77 15 4
1468 Quick, before I lose it. 1.2396 0.05686 96 79 11 6
1469 Sometimes I feel you value the pets above me. 1.2396 0.05287 96 77 15 4
1470 Everyone loves an underdog 1.2396 0.04854 96 75 19 2
1471 Please fetch our potbelly pig. 1.2393 0.05100 117 96 14 7
1472 Is this an intervention? 1.2391 0.05436 92 74 14 4
1473 See, I do get that our relationship is a fine balancing act!! 1.2391 0.04977 92 72 18 2
1474 Climb on. Let's go for the record. 1.2391 0.05436 92 74 14 4
1475 Now that I am taking care of he pets maybe you should get off my back. 1.2391 0.05436 92 74 14 4
1476 There are people down here who would like a drink, too. 1.2391 0.05212 92 73 16 3
1477 All hail the Queen! 1.2391 0.05651 92 75 12 5
1478 So you do understand the hierarchy of being. 1.2389 0.04749 113 90 19 4
1479 Sure, but we're thinking about taking it on the road. 1.2386 0.04847 88 68 19 1
1480 Now, this is where you come in. 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
1481 When will the TV be back? 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
1482 There's room for one more! 1.2386 0.05826 88 72 11 5
1483 A little to the left 1.2386 0.05826 88 72 11 5
1484 Do you guys think she notices? 1.2386 0.06046 88 73 9 6
1485 Are you absolutely sure Ed Sullivan is dead? 1.2385 0.04859 109 87 18 4
1486 But are the dishes in the dishwasher? 1.2385 0.05358 109 90 12 7
1487 Can you please feed us now? 1.2385 0.05197 109 89 14 6
1488 Now do it in reverse order. 1.2385 0.04859 109 87 18 4
1489 No, no … please, honey … not a pony. 1.2385 0.04860 130 107 15 8
1490 I think we're ready for the pot belly pig. 1.2381 0.05773 84 68 12 4
1491 See! I would be a good dad. 1.2381 0.05519 84 67 14 3
1492 I think they've been watching too much TikTok. 1.2381 0.04704 126 102 18 6
1493 And whom do you want on top of the fish bowl, dear? 1.2381 0.05158 105 85 15 5
1494 Here you go, your pets stacked in order of cognitive development. 1.2381 0.04977 105 84 17 4
1495 What? The couples therapist did say to claim my own pleasure. 1.2381 0.05253 84 66 16 2
1496 Ready for a foursome? 1.2381 0.05332 105 86 13 6
1497 Next time, I'm asking the Ryans over for charades. 1.2381 0.05332 105 86 13 6
1498 Apparently, Bubbles is the alpha in our household. 1.2377 0.04807 122 99 17 6
1499 How can you bend your leg under you like that 1.2377 0.05081 122 101 13 8
1500 What's got twelve legs and a fish? 1.2377 0.04664 122 98 19 5
1501 Well, I didn't spill a drop either! 1.2376 0.05293 101 82 14 5
1502 4 treats, please. 1.2376 0.05293 101 82 14 5
1503 Is this viral enough?" 1.2376 0.05103 101 81 16 4
1504 Impressive, now hand me the remote. 1.2376 0.04905 101 80 18 3
1505 Seriously? You gave me 2 stars? 1.2375 0.05694 80 64 13 3
1506 Honey, it's a great act and terrific exercise, but it's really time to return to the office. 1.2375 0.05965 80 65 11 4
1507 I support your pet project honey but you’re interrupting Law and Order SVU. 1.2375 0.05965 80 65 11 4
1508 Rather than assign blame, we would like to offer a collective apology for the stain on the carpet. 1.2375 0.05965 80 65 11 4
1509 How can you just sit there? 1.2375 0.05694 80 64 13 3
1510 Ok I guess you all can stay. 1.2375 0.05965 80 65 11 4
1511 I'd hold off on the 'downward dog' for now 1.2371 0.05439 97 79 13 5
1512 ...The blockchain. 1.2371 0.05820 97 81 9 7
1513 Now can we have a treat? 1.2371 0.05238 97 78 15 4
1514 We were bored. 1.2371 0.05029 97 77 17 3
1515 Look, I’ve got a dog, a cat, and a fish bowl on my back. Look!! 1.2371 0.05238 97 78 15 4
1516 Well this is the best I can do until the internet comes back on! 1.2371 0.04810 97 76 19 2
1517 See, I'm absolutely sober. 1.2368 0.04712 114 91 19 4
1518 You wanted pets? Here we are. 1.2368 0.05578 76 60 14 2
1519 Asking for her hand takes togetherness to a new level. 1.2368 0.04874 114 92 17 5
1520 At your beck and call dear 1.2368 0.04874 114 92 17 5
1521 Hey pal, my eyes are UP HERE 1.2368 0.05884 76 61 12 3
1522 Looks like it’s supper time. 1.2366 0.04703 131 107 17 7
1523 Not bad, now roll over. 1.2366 0.05596 93 76 12 5
1524 Is this what you meant when you said, 'I need a little balance in my life? ' 1.2366 0.05383 93 75 14 4
1525 Nice try, hon, but you're way too late for Ed Sullivan. 1.2366 0.05162 93 74 16 3
1526 Show us some love, or we're moving on to juggling 1.2366 0.05383 93 75 14 4
1527 It started as a joke. 1.2366 0.05162 93 74 16 3
1528 Have you seen our new neighbors? What a bunch of weirdos! 1.2366 0.04930 93 73 18 2
1529 No, we are NOT getting a goat! 1.2364 0.05314 110 91 12 7
1530 Man-dog-cat- fish " now try " "Dogman -catfish" 1.2364 0.04460 110 86 22 2
1531 This new work-life balance thing really isn’t working for us. 1.2364 0.05154 110 90 14 6
1532 It's your turn to play with the pets ! 1.2364 0.05154 110 90 14 6
1533 Where is the baby ??? 1.2361 0.06706 72 60 7 5
1534 Today is Hump Day for everyone. 1.2360 0.05541 89 72 13 4
1535 It's your turn to walk the dog. 1.2360 0.05767 89 73 11 5
1536 Ta-da? 1.2360 0.05305 89 71 15 3
1537 Neigh. 1.2360 0.04800 89 69 19 1
1538 Guess I'm the piggy 1.2360 0.05059 89 70 17 2
1539 Jerry looked up at his wife in shock. “What do you mean you don’t like the comically oversized lampshades I chose?” he asked, nearing tears. The pets seemed equally as stunned by the disapproval…but also kind of like they didn’t want to get involved. 1.2358 0.05114 106 86 15 5
1540 Just wait until you see the juggling portion of the act! 1.2358 0.04749 106 84 19 3
1541 Should I book an agent? 1.2353 0.05198 85 67 16 2
1542 It’s better than having world peace on your shoulders 1.2353 0.05058 102 82 16 4
1543 Go ahead, make me laugh. 1.2353 0.05246 102 83 14 5
1544 Meow? Bow wow? POW? 1.2353 0.05058 102 82 16 4
1545 I'm telling you, honey, you never saw anything like this on Netflix. 1.2353 0.06183 85 71 8 6
1546 How’s this for a guy you say has no backbone? 1.2353 0.04862 102 81 18 3
1547 I think it's important to live a well balanced life. 1.2353 0.05461 85 68 14 3
1548 No, I don't want to be part of Cirque de Famille! 1.2353 0.05058 102 82 16 4
1549 Will you forgive us now? 1.2353 0.05058 102 82 16 4
1550 This is an intervention. 1.2353 0.05712 85 69 12 4
1551 I still don’t think you should try out for America’s Got Talent, Steve. 1.2353 0.04577 119 95 20 4
1552 It turned out they were looking for gender balance. 1.2353 0.05058 102 82 16 4
1553 Unbalanced? You think I'm unbalanced? 1.2353 0.05428 102 84 12 6
1554 What do you mean 'derivative'? 1.2353 0.05712 85 69 12 4
1555 Now I understand evolution. 1.2353 0.05461 85 68 14 3
1556 It’s an intervention! 1.2353 0.05428 102 84 12 6
1557 The leaning tower of appeasement 1.2353 0.04658 102 80 20 2
1558 5 out of 10, Randall. You can do better… 1.2353 0.04418 119 94 22 3
1559 Just like this?…naked? 1.2347 0.05389 98 80 13 5
1560 Now do you undervalued how I feel? 1.2347 0.04541 98 76 21 1
1561 You have some weird fetishes. 1.2347 0.04767 98 77 19 2
1562 Man, dog, cat, fish. It's Trump's latest sanity test." 1.2347 0.05389 98 80 13 5
1563 OK, OK, I'll fix the TV. 1.2347 0.05190 98 79 15 4
1564 I feel the odds are stacked against me. 1.2347 0.05766 98 82 9 7
1565 I'm trying to get them to understand kingdom, phylum, class, order, family, genus, species. 1.2346 0.05630 81 65 13 3
1566 Now can I have a kiss? 1.2346 0.05630 81 65 13 3
1567 Please, please, get off the couch and play with us! 1.2346 0.05630 81 65 13 3
1568 This is the weirdest episode of Shark Tank I’ve ever seen 1.2346 0.05349 81 64 15 2
1569 Tara's husband does this with a Saint Bernard? 1.2340 0.05113 94 75 16 3
1570 To clarify, then, you are NOT entertained? 1.2340 0.05542 94 77 12 5
1571 You've heard of Maslow's heirarchy? 1.2340 0.04884 94 74 18 2
1572 No, I don't think we need any more pets! 1.2340 0.04884 94 74 18 2
1573 It was the only way to stop them from fighting. 1.2340 0.04884 94 74 18 2
1574 They say "vaudeville is making a comeback" 1.2340 0.05332 94 76 14 4
1575 Well, you said be more interesting. It's all I could think of. 1.2340 0.05332 94 76 14 4
1576 Well, you're always telling me my life needs more balance. 1.2340 0.05113 94 75 16 3
1577 Are you happy now? 1.2338 0.05514 77 61 14 2
1578 How's this for "easily swayed!" 1.2336 0.04893 107 86 17 4
1579 First rule of Pet Tower: You do not talk about Pet Tower. 1.2336 0.04893 107 86 17 4
1580 The "checkbook" you idiot! I told you to balance the CHECKBOOK! 1.2336 0.05070 107 87 15 5
1581 I think the problem is that we can’t see the phytoplankton. 1.2336 0.05241 107 88 13 6
1582 Hurry up and guess, honey - this is a cruel charade. 1.2336 0.05241 107 88 13 6
1583 Ok, I added the fish bowl. NOW will you marry me? 1.2333 0.04984 120 99 14 7
1584 This is not getting you out of doing the dishes. 1.2333 0.04841 120 98 16 6
1585 Did you see which way Tweety flew? 1.2333 0.05253 90 72 15 3
1586 Sometimes I feel like I'm right at the bottom of the food-chain in this house Agatha. 1.2333 0.04543 120 96 20 4
1587 We ignored/chewed/scratched/splashed. Can you forgive us? 1.2333 0.04543 120 96 20 4
1588 Hurry. Go grab the bird from the other room. 1.2333 0.05708 90 74 11 5
1589 Who would you like to pet today my dear? 1.2333 0.05253 90 72 15 3
1590 Feels like a pyramid scheme to me! 1.2330 0.04820 103 82 18 3
1591 See! You thought I lacked leadership qualities. 1.2330 0.05723 103 87 8 8
1592 Honey, you should see who's on top of the goldfish. 1.2330 0.04820 103 82 18 3
1593 You are sure you dont’t want to continu to work from home ? 1.2330 0.05014 103 83 16 4
1594 Is that supposed to impress me? 1.2329 0.04458 146 120 18 8
1595 Want to make it a fivesome? 1.2329 0.06019 73 59 11 3
1596 If only he didn't speak 1.2329 0.06621 73 61 7 5
1597 Your therapy, not mine 1.2329 0.06019 73 59 11 3
1598 Yes, but is it Tik Tok worthy? 1.2328 0.04475 116 92 21 3
1599 The fact that I had learned to do this is why I asked you to live with me after two dates. 1.2326 0.05404 86 69 14 3
1600 The goldfish says it's a metaphor for evolution. 1.2326 0.05404 86 69 14 3
1601 Please take a picture this will go good on my resume. 1.2326 0.04872 86 67 18 1
1602 Is the fish too over the top? 1.2326 0.05652 86 70 12 4
1603 I still can’t believe the fish ranks higher than I do in this house. 1.2326 0.05652 86 70 12 4
1604 Jeremy, Pickle, Snowflake and Bubbles had practiced for three months…nonetheless, Judy still found her mind wandering back to Hank and his dancing Cockatoo. 1.2326 0.05404 86 69 14 3
1605 Be serious,you want another pet? 1.2326 0.05652 86 70 12 4
1606 Thanks for getting the dog declawed. 1.2323 0.04938 99 79 17 3
1607 This is our best standing offer. 1.2323 0.05712 99 83 9 7
1608 Noah’ origin story became more elaborate with each telling. 1.2323 0.05142 99 80 15 4
1609 Now that I earn more money, the hierarchy in this home needed to be clear. 1.2323 0.05142 99 80 15 4
1610 Anyway, this is what we do together. 1.2321 0.05071 112 92 14 6
1611 la chi darem la mano! 1.2321 0.05071 112 92 14 6
1612 As you commanded, all powerful one! So, when's dinner? 1.2321 0.04909 112 91 16 5
1613 Now just picture me on top of a bear 1.2321 0.04743 112 90 18 4
1614 Playing hide and seek with the pets is proving harder that I expected. I can’t find them anywhere. 1.2317 0.05833 82 67 11 4
1615 That's nice, dear. 1.2317 0.05569 82 66 13 3
1616 For the last time I don’t like to play Jenga in any form! 1.2317 0.06328 82 69 7 6
1617 I’m thinking, America’s Got Talent. 1.2317 0.05291 82 65 15 2
1618 We call ourselves "The Aristocrats." 1.2316 0.04838 95 75 18 2
1619 Can you get the ant farm? 1.2316 0.05883 95 80 8 7
1620 So you think balancing that wine glass on your leg is hard?? 1.2316 0.05489 95 78 12 5
1621 Run for it, they're taking over and making us their slaves! 1.2316 0.04838 95 75 18 2
1622 For our next trick, Goldy will explain our country's fascination with the Depp-Heard trial. 1.2316 0.05489 95 78 12 5
1623 Is this stable enough for your father? 1.2316 0.05281 95 77 14 4
1624 I have to pee 1.2316 0.05489 95 78 12 5
1625 I miss the “bread making phase” of the pandemic. 1.2316 0.05281 95 77 14 4
1626 pull my finger. 1.2316 0.05489 95 78 12 5
1627 Honey have you seen my…wait, why are you staring at me like that? 1.2316 0.05489 95 78 12 5
1628 It's all about maintaining a balance in life. 1.2315 0.04482 108 85 21 2
1629 It never ends. 1.2315 0.05028 108 88 15 5
1630 Downward facing dog, cat pose, fish pose. Yoga baffles me. 1.2308 0.04827 130 108 14 8
1631 we broke all the spinning plates... 1.2308 0.04961 91 72 17 2
1632 Better get a photo before adding the flea and the diving board. 1.2308 0.05333 104 86 12 6
1633 It may be the wine talking but let's take this trick into the bedroom 1.2308 0.05431 91 74 13 4
1634 It's like a turducken, but different. 1.2308 0.06031 78 64 10 4
1635 I don't know why the fish swallowed the fly. 1.2308 0.05431 91 74 13 4
1636 And you thought that goat yoga class wouldn't do me any good 1.2308 0.04441 117 93 21 3
1637 Could we please stop this "going vegan" nonsense? 1.2308 0.05155 104 85 14 5
1638 Who the hell put the fishbowl there? 1.2308 0.04970 104 84 16 4
1639 Have you seen the parrot? 1.2308 0.06031 78 64 10 4
1640 I’m really sorry I cheated on you, but these nightly self-humiliation exercises are not helping us move forward… 1.2308 0.04441 91 70 21 0
1641 It's easier than juggling the vet bills. 1.2308 0.06031 78 64 10 4
1642 When I asked you to pet me, this isn't what I had in mind. 1.2308 0.05651 91 75 11 5
1643 So what did you mean when you said you wanted to spice things up? 1.2308 0.05155 104 85 14 5
1644 This is what you meant when you asked me to dinner and a show? 1.2308 0.05748 78 63 12 3
1645 See honey? We don’t need kids to have fulfilling lives! 1.2308 0.05431 91 74 13 4
1646 Maybe we should consider streaming. 1.2301 0.04705 113 91 18 4
1647 Help me. I hate only the dog. 1.2300 0.05096 100 81 15 4
1648 America's Got Talent? 1.2300 0.04894 100 80 17 3
1649 Now can we move on from heavy petting? 1.2300 0.04894 100 80 17 3
1650 Permission to be assertive, dear. 1.2300 0.05291 100 82 13 5
1651 Was it better with the unicycle? 1.2300 0.05096 100 81 15 4
1652 The mount and fluid transitions impressed, but the consistently weak dismounts left Cheryl questioning her decision to cancel Netflix. 1.2299 0.05827 87 72 10 5
1653 Not sure you understand balancing priorities. 1.2299 0.05092 87 69 16 2
1654 The kids grew up too fast. 1.2299 0.05593 87 71 12 4
1655 Okay, now let me see it the other way around. 1.2299 0.05348 87 70 14 3
1656 You know you're my favorite animal, George. 1.2297 0.05945 74 60 11 3
1657 No, I don't forgive any one of you, particularly the fish. 1.2297 0.05945 74 60 11 3
1658 What is in this wine? 1.2297 0.05625 74 59 13 2
1659 What do you think? Ready for America’s Got Talent? 1.2295 0.04322 122 97 22 3
1660 Stop deflecting 1.2294 0.05316 109 91 11 7
1661 I'm practicing for "America's Got Talent," hop on. 1.2294 0.04986 109 89 15 5
1662 The fish would like a pet. 1.2294 0.04633 109 87 19 3
1663 It’s a non-fungible token of my love, my dear. 1.2294 0.04633 109 87 19 3
1664 The tricky bit is looking cool while doing it. 1.2294 0.05316 109 91 11 7
1665 It's dog, cat, fish yoga! 1.2294 0.05154 109 90 13 6
1666 Now do you think I can balance the checkbook? 1.2294 0.04813 109 88 17 4
1667 Will you take our hand, paws, and gills in marriage? 1.2292 0.05437 96 79 12 5
1668 America's Got Talent or Cirque du Soleil? 1.2292 0.05231 96 78 14 4
1669 Careful! Do you know how much I paid for that wine glass? 1.2292 0.05437 96 79 12 5
1670 Next week we audition for "America's Got Balance." 1.2292 0.04794 96 76 18 2
1671 I prefer the dog house. 1.2292 0.05437 96 79 12 5
1672 So that’s why you didn’t do the laundry? 1.2292 0.05017 96 77 16 3
1673 Honey, just ignore our extreme demands for attention until you've had a chance to unwind from work. 1.2290 0.04793 131 109 14 8
1674 Quick -put on your tinfoil hat or they will do this to you, too! 1.2289 0.05235 83 66 15 2
1675 I thought tonight we might try something a little different. 1.2289 0.05508 83 67 13 3
1676 We all know our place in life 1.2289 0.05508 83 67 13 3
1677 Are all of your first dates required to do this? 1.2289 0.05508 83 67 13 3
1678 ‘In the doghouse’ is a figure of speech. 1.2289 0.04946 83 65 17 1
1679 See, we don’t need a goat 1.2289 0.05769 83 68 11 4
1680 «I’m sorry, honey, this looked way cooler in my head.» 1.2289 0.05235 83 66 15 2
1681 I know you just vacuumed but this is getting ridiculous, Martha. 1.2289 0.06258 83 70 7 6
1682 Oh Janice, you think everything is a pyramid scheme. 1.2288 0.04725 118 96 17 5
1683 It started off downward-facing dog before the rest got jealous… 1.2288 0.05303 118 100 9 9
1684 Why do you get to put your feet on the sofa? 1.2288 0.04725 118 96 17 5
1685 See what you can accomplish if you just put down the wine for a night. 1.2286 0.05286 105 87 12 6
1686 No, Letterman's been off the air for years. 1.2286 0.04738 105 84 18 3
1687 Too Grimm 1.2286 0.05110 105 86 14 5
1688 Begging won’t get me to make dinner any faster for any of you. 1.2286 0.05457 105 88 10 7
1689 I’m showing them the hierarchy—let me get on your back. 1.2286 0.05110 105 86 14 5
1690 As expected, the cat is complaining. 1.2283 0.05595 92 76 11 5
1691 This might be a Tic Tok moment. You choose the tune. 1.2283 0.05377 92 75 13 4
1692 Do you still see me as an accountant? 1.2283 0.05595 92 76 11 5
1693 It was this or learning mindfulness. 1.2283 0.04913 92 73 17 2
1694 When you mentioned heavy petting, this isn’t what I had in mind. 1.2283 0.05150 92 74 15 3
1695 We humbly apologize for our ingratitude at mealtime. 1.2283 0.05377 92 75 13 4
1696 Ohh Honey - I don’t think you’re tik-tok material just yet. 1.2283 0.05377 92 75 13 4
1697 Honey, I've got my priorities straight. 1.2283 0.05150 92 74 15 3
1698 Ready to get on top? 1.2281 0.04668 114 92 18 4
1699 We've unionized.” 1.2278 0.05961 79 65 10 4
1700 For the love of God, help me! 1.2278 0.05683 79 64 12 3
1701 Now, do you remember that card you chose at the beginning of the evening? 1.2277 0.05428 101 84 11 6
1702 Well, the rest of the family wants an outing... 1.2277 0.05243 101 83 13 5
1703 Maybe we should have left pyramid building to the Egyptians 1.2277 0.05243 101 83 13 5
1704 We call it Cirque de la Chambre. 1.2277 0.05428 101 84 11 6
1705 Gary, I thought we were leaving the weird shit behind in 2020. 1.2277 0.04850 101 81 17 3
1706 Can you video conference your mother? This will prove I'm not talentless! 1.2277 0.05243 101 83 13 5
1707 You can't even look at me in the eye, Susan 1.2277 0.05050 101 82 15 4
1708 You’re next, my pet. 1.2273 0.05535 88 72 12 4
1709 Whadda you mean America doesn't have talent? 1.2273 0.04595 110 88 19 3
1710 C'mon, you were a cheerleader at OSU!" 1.2273 0.04760 132 110 14 8
1711 Relax. I'll feed you in a minute. 1.2273 0.05766 88 73 10 5
1712 Nice. But why? 1.2273 0.05294 88 71 14 3
1713 I'm at the bottom of the food chain 1.2273 0.04410 110 87 21 2
1714 I’m glad we don’t live on a farm. 1.2273 0.05535 88 72 12 4
1715 I think we need to get out of the house more. 1.2273 0.05535 88 72 12 4
1716 I'm ready for your speech about your life as a balancing act... 1.2273 0.04775 88 69 18 1
1717 See, we don't need friends! 1.2273 0.05041 88 70 16 2
1718 I’m pretty sure that she blinked 1.2273 0.05535 88 72 12 4
1719 Care to join at the bottom? 1.2269 0.04535 119 96 19 4
1720 I made it to the final round of American Got Talent! 1.2269 0.04839 119 98 15 6
1721 They've been on my back all day. 1.2268 0.05582 97 81 10 6
1722 The Cat in the Hat made me do it. 1.2268 0.04750 97 77 18 2
1723 We used to be a team. 1.2268 0.05386 97 80 12 5
1724 They followed me home. 1.2268 0.05386 97 80 12 5
1725 As she considered her options for companionship, Susie created what came to be known as the Pet Pyramid. 1.2268 0.05182 97 79 14 4
1726 I've got this. Just perch the parakeet on the edge of the bowl. 1.2268 0.05182 97 79 14 4
1727 They're well trained except for the fish. 1.2268 0.05182 97 79 14 4
1728 I'm looking for my glasses, and I think a spider crawled on me. 1.2268 0.05386 97 80 12 5
1729 Does this mean we can stay? 1.2267 0.05874 75 61 11 3
1730 Bring ooooouuut yer pets. 1.2267 0.05224 75 59 15 1
1731 This is what they want us to teach now. 1.2264 0.04503 106 84 20 2
1732 now can I get some pussy 1.2264 0.05732 106 91 6 9
1733 Look, I think we should give our Netflix subscription another shot. 1.2262 0.05179 84 67 15 2
1734 Do I still have to take out the Trash? 1.2262 0.05179 84 67 15 2
1735 We're ready. Put down your glass and get on all fours. 1.2262 0.05179 84 67 15 2
1736 I call the act, “The Aristocrats”. 1.2262 0.06189 84 71 7 6
1737 And the bartender says, 'We don't serve fish here.' 1.2262 0.05179 84 67 15 2
1738 No applause; we just want your attention. 1.2262 0.05706 84 69 11 4
1739 Honey, I just woke up to the worst cramp in my back… 1.2262 0.06189 84 71 7 6
1740 If this doesn’t make you rethink your decision to leave me nothing will. 1.2261 0.04631 115 93 18 4
1741 Has America got talent, or what? 1.2261 0.04464 115 92 20 3
1742 Give me a 'P!' 1.2261 0.04793 115 94 16 5
1743 You have to get between me and the dog. 1.2261 0.04631 115 93 18 4
1744 I don't understand how this is working my abs. 1.2258 0.05100 93 75 15 3
1745 Will you please get off the couch and feed us! 1.2258 0.04411 124 100 20 4
1746 Do you need anything? We're on our way to Bremen. 1.2258 0.05100 93 75 15 3
1747 Who says men do less housework than women? 1.2258 0.05325 93 76 13 4
1748 We're going to PETCO. 1.2258 0.05325 93 76 13 4
1749 Can you set the wine glass on top of the fishbowl? 1.2258 0.05325 93 76 13 4
1750 You need to stop watching Tik Tok Carl 1.2258 0.05947 93 79 7 7
1751 Maybe those streaming services are worth it after all. 1.2258 0.05100 93 75 15 3
1752 There. Now will you vote for gun control, Senator Collins? 1.2258 0.04866 93 74 17 2
1753 Would this make you love me?! 1.2258 0.05325 93 76 13 4
1754 I am the agony of creation - the blind menace of conscious flesh. I am the horror and wretched deliverance of mortal eventuality. I am the hierarchy of your denial, and I will be there at the end when the last photon whimpers into frigid blackness. 1.2255 0.05196 102 84 13 5
1755 Dianne, this is the best party trick I have. 1.2255 0.04808 102 82 17 3
1756 Your abuse of power is a disgrace to all dog trainers. 1.2255 0.05196 102 84 13 5
1757 No, you were right, it’s better the other way around. 1.2255 0.04602 102 81 19 2
1758 As pets you all stack up quite nicely 1.2255 0.04808 102 82 17 3
1759 Aren't you at least curious how Moby got up there? 1.2255 0.05006 102 83 15 4
1760 Does this look like the act of an unbalanced man? 1.2252 0.05228 111 93 11 7
1761 Hun, where’s the Roomba? We’re making a TikTok. 1.2252 0.05069 111 92 13 6
1762 Alright,now climb up on top 1.2252 0.05069 111 92 13 6
1763 Why should I be between the cat and the goldfish? 1.2252 0.04558 111 89 19 3
1764 I’m not just MISTER Dolittle anymore. 1.2250 0.05329 80 64 14 2
1765 Catch the fish. I'm headed for Downward Dog. 1.2250 0.04802 120 99 15 6
1766 This is our last and most heart felt plea for forgiveness. 1.2250 0.05618 80 65 12 3
1767 It started as a dog and pony show 1.2250 0.05618 80 65 12 3
1768 Are you sure pet yoga works? 1.2250 0.05618 80 65 12 3
1769 Can we skip the fourplay next time? 1.2250 0.05329 80 64 14 2
1770 Please, can you quit the “Mom strike” and continued to cook, clean, do the laundry and then give us our daily affection? 1.2248 0.04296 129 104 21 4
1771 Put a fly in it 1.2247 0.05478 89 73 12 4
1772 There is still room at the bottom! 1.2247 0.04449 89 69 20 0
1773 Don’t ask where the hamster is. 1.2247 0.05707 89 74 10 5
1774 The bird got stage fright 1.2245 0.05135 98 80 14 4
1775 We're practicing for America hasTalent 1.2245 0.04925 98 79 16 3
1776 Now for a final trick for all of us who forgot your birthday today. 1.2245 0.05135 98 80 14 4
1777 Now can I sit on the sofa? 1.2245 0.05335 98 81 12 5
1778 Wait'll the fish jumps. 1.2245 0.04925 98 79 16 3
1779 It’s a pet-life balance sort of thing 1.2245 0.04707 98 78 18 2
1780 Ahwww, I thought you had it. It's the return of the four horsey-men. 1.2243 0.05196 107 89 12 6
1781 Life with you is a real balancing act! 1.2243 0.04659 107 86 18 3
1782 I said, “We need a pet tracking chip,” not “We need a pet stacking, Chip.” 1.2243 0.05363 107 90 10 7
1783 Honey, where is the parakeet? 1.2241 0.04429 116 93 20 3
1784 I'm not sure this is better than paying the Netflix bill. 1.2241 0.04911 116 96 14 6
1785 Okay. Nice trick. I'll do you, but not your whole crew. 1.2241 0.05061 116 97 12 7
1786 Don't just sit there, take some pictures and put them on YouTube. 1.2241 0.04756 116 95 16 5
1787 This is how you spent quarantine? 1.2241 0.04596 116 94 18 4
1788 You see? I can balance my responsibilities! 1.2237 0.05803 76 62 11 3
1789 Trust me, you’ll fit. 1.2237 0.06379 76 64 7 5
1790 I saw it on dr. Phil...this is how to get rid of my gold fish elbow 1.2237 0.05164 76 60 15 1
1791 . -"It's a food chain-not a food pyramid!" 1.2237 0.05803 76 62 11 3
1792 HUMAN pyramids are so 20th-century! 1.2237 0.06649 76 65 5 6
1793 We came in 2nd place in my office Zoom talent show. 1.2235 0.05391 85 69 13 3
1794 We decided to audition for The America's Got Talent . 1.2235 0.05391 85 69 13 3
1795 Ringling Brothers said, “No animals.” 1.2235 0.05391 85 69 13 3
1796 I can explain everything except the fish. 1.2235 0.05645 85 70 11 4
1797 Climb aboard! We'll take you for a ride. 1.2235 0.05125 85 68 15 2
1798 Honey if you drop them I'm gonna be so mad. 1.2235 0.05888 85 71 9 5
1799 That isn't the worm I see in your drink, is it? 1.2235 0.05125 85 68 15 2
1800 This isn’t what I meant when I said we should keep it fresh. 1.2235 0.05125 85 68 15 2
1801 Okay, I'll admit that balancing home and work is hard. 1.2235 0.05391 85 69 13 3
1802 Congress working on Gun Safety ideas 1.2235 0.05125 85 68 15 2
1803 Now can you do it in reverse? 1.2234 0.05486 94 78 11 5
1804 Honey, get your shoe! There is a very scary P.C.VEY on the floor. 1.2234 0.05273 94 77 13 4
1805 Quick, take a picture, I have to pee! 1.2234 0.05273 94 77 13 4
1806 Can you get the ant farm, please? 1.2234 0.05052 94 76 15 3
1807 Its called the Great Pyramid of Fleaza 1.2234 0.05273 94 77 13 4
1808 Nice trick Joe, but it just lacks believability 1.2234 0.05052 94 76 15 3
1809 So the goldfish says… 1.2234 0.05273 94 77 13 4
1810 The therapist said balance in our relationship not with our house pets 1.2234 0.04820 94 75 17 2
1811 No, you are not hallucinating! 1.2233 0.04766 103 83 17 3
1812 we promise, never to watch FOX News again 1.2233 0.04962 103 84 15 4
1813 Something's weird-- the fish didn't seem to want the cheese. 1.2232 0.04696 112 91 17 4
1814 So the concept is Cirque du Soleil - but with domestic pets. 1.2232 0.04696 112 91 17 4
1815 Please, we all beg you dearly! 1.2232 0.04522 112 90 19 3
1816 Yeah, but did you remember to feed the fish? 1.2231 0.04766 121 100 15 6
1817 Looking “rehearsed”...isn’t that the point? 1.2222 0.05188 90 73 14 3
1818 Honey, this is not what's meant by a balanced diet." 1.2222 0.05087 99 81 14 4
1819 I’m in balancing dog/cat/fish yoga pose. Not sure how I got here, but could use your help getting out. 1.2222 0.04941 90 72 16 2
1820 You're stacked, too. 1.2222 0.05865 90 76 8 6
1821 Care to join us? We're going for a walk. 1.2222 0.05556 81 66 12 3
1822 Quick--take a picture. I could be a TickTok star! 1.2222 0.04881 99 80 16 3
1823 Working to become a social incongruencer. 1.2222 0.04969 81 64 16 1
1824 Don't you love us anymore? 1.2222 0.06007 72 59 10 3
1825 I think the gold fish is a little to much. 1.2222 0.04941 90 72 16 2
1826 If they can't see each other, they can't bite each other. 1.2222 0.04981 108 89 14 5
1827 It's a new trend to coordinate foreplay with your pets so they don't feel left out. 1.2222 0.05423 90 74 12 4
1828 Dan, I'm happy to watch but I wish you had told me what you were into when we started dating. 1.2222 0.04881 99 80 16 3
1829 And the fish was on the cat, and the cat was on the dog, and the dog was on the man, and the man was on the ground, and the soul of the man hit a new low ground.... 1.2222 0.04981 108 89 14 5
1830 We were just practicing social distancing for when your mother comes to visit. 1.2222 0.04941 90 72 16 2
1831 This is ridiculous, let's make up. 1.2222 0.05270 81 65 14 2
1832 If you let me climb on your back, we'll go viral on Tiktok. 1.2222 0.05286 99 82 12 5
1833 You what? Bet me fifty bucks I couldn't do this... but you were only kidding? 1.2222 0.05423 90 74 12 4
1834 I told you our portfolio needed balancing, not our petfolio. 1.2222 0.05478 99 83 10 6
1835 If this isn't working for you, I can always go get the horse. 1.2222 0.04881 99 80 16 3
1836 It's our turn to have the couch. 1.2222 0.04941 90 72 16 2
1837 What do you think of my pet pyramid? 1.2222 0.04438 99 78 20 1
1838 You need a cushion? Right on it, Hon. 1.2222 0.04941 90 72 16 2
1839 Goat yoga is so yesterday! 1.2222 0.05478 99 83 10 6
1840 Not now, Brian, he’s down to two roses. 1.2222 0.04881 99 80 16 3
1841 Getting pets in lockdown was a bad decision 1.2222 0.05827 81 67 10 4
1842 We either need a pet gorilla or a pet plankton for the world record. 1.2222 0.06086 81 68 8 5
1843 It's a real balancing act managing work and also my balancing act. 1.2212 0.04659 113 92 17 4
1844 The leaning tower of Peter 1.2212 0.04825 113 93 15 5
1845 Honey, Can we please have dinner now? 1.2212 0.05105 104 86 13 5
1846 Can we please go to Costco 1.2212 0.05105 104 86 13 5
1847 As you can see, I am trainable. 1.2212 0.04725 104 84 17 3
1848 What do you think? 1.2212 0.04918 104 85 15 4
1849 Anything else your Highness desires? 1.2212 0.05105 104 86 13 5
1850 Time’s up. The answer is climate change; if I mess up now, everybody’s screwed. 1.2212 0.04725 104 84 17 3
1851 Living with you is a delicate balancing act for the rest of us." 1.2212 0.04918 104 85 15 4
1852 Happy Hour could be much happier if it came after dinnertime. 1.2212 0.04918 104 85 15 4
1853 Why can’t we just all get along 1.2212 0.05284 104 87 11 6
1854 I like doggie style too 1.2212 0.05284 104 87 11 6
1855 This motherfucker… 1.2211 0.05433 95 79 11 5
1856 We're practicing feng shui. 1.2211 0.05433 95 79 11 5
1857 Steady, fellas, all's left is the Russian judge! 1.2211 0.05223 95 78 13 4
1858 Sipsee? Please! 1.2211 0.04775 95 76 17 2
1859 What else you would like to know about me? 1.2211 0.05635 95 80 9 6
1860 The dog wants you to know that he's coming with me when we divorce. 1.2211 0.05004 95 77 15 3
1861 Oops,is that the doorbell? 1.2211 0.05004 95 77 15 3
1862 I think this is the next big TikTok trend honey! 1.2211 0.05433 95 79 11 5
1863 Kids would've been a lot easier. 1.2209 0.05335 86 70 13 3
1864 Hey! Don't laugh. I'm working on a new children's book. 1.2209 0.05335 86 70 13 3
1865 Marilyn's hierarchy of neediness. 1.2209 0.05335 86 70 13 3
1866 Now sit up and beg. 1.2209 0.04794 86 68 17 1
1867 God I hate Charades. It’s Food Chain! 1.2209 0.05072 86 69 15 2
1868 Cant we just get a coffee table? 1.2209 0.05825 86 72 9 5
1869 O.K., you did it. But can you hold it until Hell freezes over! 1.2209 0.05825 86 72 9 5
1870 You’re the one who wanted to sell the TV. 1.2209 0.04794 86 68 17 1
1871 Two solid years of pandemic training and all I can do is this. 1.2209 0.05335 86 70 13 3
1872 We’re desperate for a few brownie points. 1.2208 0.05429 77 62 13 2
1873 I thought we said we weren't going to have any food or drink on the sofa! 1.2208 0.05429 77 62 13 2
1874 Where is our frog? 1.2208 0.06303 77 65 7 5
1875 It didn't work as well with the goldfish on bottom 1.2208 0.05735 77 63 11 3
1876 Wouldn't you rather have kids? 1.2208 0.05429 77 62 13 2
1877 And you thought turkduckin was the be all end all. 1.2206 0.06231 68 56 9 3
1878 We can have fun without you 1.2206 0.05869 68 55 11 2
1879 but if you put a trench coat on us we’d look like one tall goldfish 1.2202 0.04939 109 90 14 5
1880 When one wants a treat, they all want a treat. 1.2202 0.04764 109 89 16 4
1881 Where’s the parakeet? 1.2202 0.04939 109 90 14 5
1882 So? Is this Tik Tok worthy? 1.2202 0.04582 109 88 18 3
1883 I kept them off the furniture, what else do you want? 1.2202 0.04764 109 89 16 4
1884 The fish wanted a better hierarchy 1.2202 0.04393 109 87 20 2
1885 We’ll, Simon Cowell will think it’s a talent 1.2202 0.04764 109 89 16 4
1886 ... and I'm the elephant and you're supposed to get under me to be the turtle. 1.2200 0.04623 100 80 18 2
1887 Why no? Is there someone else? 1.2200 0.05238 100 83 12 5
1888 You said we need more balance in our lives. 1.2200 0.05041 100 82 14 4
1889 I see you replaced the monkey. 1.2200 0.05238 100 83 12 5
1890 We’ve reached consensus on tonight’s carryout dinner. 1.2200 0.05238 100 83 12 5
1891 It's either this or watch more cable news. 1.2200 0.05041 100 82 14 4
1892 But It looks so easy on tiktok 1.2200 0.04837 100 81 16 3
1893 Nothing? 1.2198 0.05136 91 74 14 3
1894 Now will you feed us? 1.2198 0.05369 91 75 12 4
1895 We re looking for a mosquito. 1.2198 0.05369 91 75 12 4
1896 Do you think I have chance at America's Got Talent? 1.2198 0.05369 91 75 12 4
1897 Now tell me I'm beautiful! 1.2198 0.05369 91 75 12 4
1898 You oughta see my second act! 1.2198 0.05369 91 75 12 4
1899 Snuffy couldn’t make it. 1.2198 0.04893 91 73 16 2
1900 I obviously need to start going back to the office. 1.2198 0.05136 91 74 14 3
1901 The doctor said I needed to live a more balanced lifestyle 1.2198 0.05591 91 76 10 5
1902 Karen either join the unholy stack or release me from this prison. 1.2198 0.04636 91 72 18 1
1903 Silly or not, I'm a man of many layers Suzanne. 1.2195 0.05213 82 66 14 2
1904 I call it the Crawling Wallenda 1.2195 0.05494 82 67 12 3
1905 I guess it’s my animal magnetism! 1.2195 0.05494 82 67 12 3
1906 ' What do you mean "it lacks something" ?! ' 1.2195 0.05213 82 66 14 2
1907 Yes, you are a "good boy" too. 1.2195 0.05494 82 67 12 3
1908 But this IS my job, dear. 1.2195 0.05494 82 67 12 3
1909 I told them you'd be impressed but I guess I was wrong! 1.2195 0.04916 82 65 16 1
1910 Yeah, well, I really need to get something off my chest. 1.2192 0.05602 73 59 12 2
1911 There! 1.2192 0.06244 73 61 8 4
1912 I'm lonely, Gail. Lonely and motivated. 1.2192 0.06542 73 62 6 5
1913 I’m still not impressed 1.2190 0.04876 105 86 15 4
1914 Perhaps, sex tonight my love ? 1.2190 0.05060 105 87 13 5
1915 Marry us? 1.2190 0.04684 105 85 17 3
1916 Is that mosquito also part of the act? 1.2190 0.04876 105 86 15 4
1917 This is your idea for an audition to get on America's Got Talent ? 1.2188 0.04730 96 77 17 2
1918 Father's Day family photo 1.2188 0.05381 96 80 11 5
1919 What's in this martini? 1.2188 0.05381 96 80 11 5
1920 Wait, what? Since when did you stopped liking my animal tricks. 1.2188 0.05381 96 80 11 5
1921 Honey, the pets are really starting to weigh me down. 1.2188 0.05173 96 79 13 4
1922 A parlor trick. You know, for guests? 1.2188 0.04957 96 78 15 3
1923 We've figured out the balance. What do you think? 1.2188 0.04957 96 78 15 3
1924 Are there less risky ways to move the fish bowl? Yes, yes there are. 1.2188 0.05173 96 79 13 4
1925 Do you think it's time we stopped wine? 1.2188 0.05381 96 80 11 5
1926 Okay, but first put down a coaster-this is a clean shirt. 1.2184 0.05526 87 72 11 4
1927 We're attention-starved. 1.2184 0.05279 87 71 13 3
1928 Now if you four would clean up after yourselves we would have something. 1.2184 0.05526 87 72 11 4
1929 It’s definitely tightening my core! 1.2184 0.05279 87 71 13 3
1930 And I do remind you that I am the foundation of this family. 1.2184 0.05526 87 72 11 4
1931 Honey, I don't think this is what the yoga instructor meant. 1.2184 0.05019 87 70 15 2
1932 Well yes, I do believe that all of us are bored. 1.2184 0.04746 87 69 17 1
1933 I’m just trying to restore balance in my life. 1.2184 0.05279 87 71 13 3
1934 Where's our treats? 1.2184 0.05763 87 73 9 5
1935 Pleasing Marjorie was a constant balancing act. 1.2184 0.05526 87 72 11 4
1936 Ok, tomorrow I'll take you to the employment office. 1.2184 0.05279 87 71 13 3
1937 We want to know why you give all your attention to the canary. 1.2182 0.05065 110 92 12 6
1938 From each according to his ability, to each according to his needs 1.2179 0.05668 78 64 11 3
1939 Now give us a little twirl. 1.2179 0.05668 78 64 11 3
1940 Why a crawl? Why not just a walk? 1.2179 0.05366 78 63 13 2
1941 We’re begging you… don’t make me roll over 1.2179 0.05668 78 64 11 3
1942 This isn't what you think. 1.2179 0.05046 78 62 15 1
1943 I'm carrying this family on my back 1.2178 0.04996 101 83 14 4
1944 Interested in a menagerie a trois? 1.2178 0.04996 101 83 14 4
1945 You think I'm ready for Letterman? 1.2174 0.06149 69 57 9 3
1946 You think you know more than Simon Cowell? 1.2174 0.04585 115 94 17 4
1947 Amandog Catfish…at your service, m’lady. 1.2174 0.05535 92 77 10 5
1948 I opted out of the monkey. 1.2174 0.04585 115 94 17 4
1949 Son how do you like always being on the bottom? 1.2174 0.05411 69 55 13 1
1950 Now you know, keeping this household running is a balancing act. 1.2174 0.05747 92 78 8 6
1951 Letterman retired years ago honey. 1.2174 0.05315 92 76 12 4
1952 Marry me? Pretty please with a goldfish on top. 1.2174 0.05086 92 75 14 3
1953 Wait for it… 1.2174 0.05315 92 76 12 4
1954 We should have never let them watch Cirque du Soleil." 1.2174 0.05535 92 77 10 5
1955 If that drink is room temperature, we've achieved zero carbon footprint. 1.2174 0.04845 92 74 16 2
1956 Honey, will you do Maslow's pyramid for me? 1.2174 0.04845 92 74 16 2
1957 If this doesn’t fill the void, I don’t know what will. 1.2174 0.05747 92 78 8 6
1958 Are you telling me you'd still rather have a pair of earrings? 1.2170 0.04834 106 87 15 4
1959 Any ideas for a finale? 1.2169 0.05698 83 69 10 4
1960 What really would be impressive was if you reversed the order. 1.2169 0.05156 83 67 14 2
1961 Easy-peasy. Super Glue. 1.2169 0.05698 83 69 10 4
1962 The top 2 contestants can remain 1.2169 0.05156 83 67 14 2
1963 Oh you said “acts of service” I thought you said your love language was “acts of circus” 1.2169 0.05698 83 69 10 4
1964 Can we go back to playing Scrabble? 1.2169 0.04863 83 66 16 1
1965 Where’s Polly? 1.2169 0.05950 83 70 8 5
1966 We started training for this when Stupid Pet Tricks was on Late Night 1.2169 0.05156 83 67 14 2
1967 My marriage proposal is evolving. 1.2169 0.05434 83 68 12 3
1968 Now give me the glass. 1.2165 0.04687 97 78 17 2
1969 You’ll never make it on Cheer… 1.2165 0.04910 97 79 15 3
1970 It's official: the caption contest has jumped the shark. 1.2162 0.04686 111 91 16 4
1971 It's a delicate balancing act having three pets 1.2162 0.05858 74 61 10 3
1972 No, I haven't heard back on my resumes...why? 1.2162 0.05188 74 59 14 1
1973 OK, the answer is Animal Farm! 1.2162 0.05858 74 61 10 3
1974 Okay honey, we’re ready for the hamster. 1.2162 0.05533 74 60 12 2
1975 I'll trade you... 1.2162 0.05858 74 61 10 3
1976 I'm quitting my job tomorrow. 1.2162 0.04858 111 92 14 5
1977 Should I woof or meow? 1.2162 0.05533 74 60 12 2
1978 I call this the empty nester-asanna pose 1.2162 0.05858 74 61 10 3
1979 Working from home has had some bizarre results. 1.2159 0.05225 88 72 13 3
1980 Honey, I told you I'm an extraoridinarilly balanced person" 1.2159 0.05225 88 72 13 3
1981 Is that the Chateau Margaux Balthazar? 1.2159 0.05469 88 73 11 4
1982 What, no applause?" 1.2159 0.05469 88 73 11 4
1983 If you look closely, the fish is giving you the middle finger. 1.2159 0.05703 88 74 9 5
1984 Putting your wine glass on my head would surely capture the judge's attention. 1.2159 0.04698 88 70 17 1
1985 Honey, you're never going to believe this, but I think there are hardwood floors under the carpet. 1.2159 0.05927 88 75 7 6
1986 No… I said, ‘Fang’ Shui! 1.2159 0.05225 88 72 13 3
1987 Well don’t just sit there, go get the hamster. 1.2157 0.04542 102 82 18 2
1988 It's ok, but it would be so much better if you'd rub my back. 1.2157 0.04951 102 84 14 4
1989 I think you have mixed up your hierarchies. 1.2157 0.04751 102 83 16 3
1990 Do you want top or bottom? 1.2157 0.05329 102 86 10 6
1991 Can I have sex now? 1.2157 0.04751 102 83 16 3
1992 You just drank the worm! 1.2157 0.04951 102 84 14 4
1993 Maybe it's time to have a child. 1.2157 0.04542 102 82 18 2
1994 It's a food pyramid, honey. 1.2155 0.04382 116 94 19 3
1995 I got in on the ground floor 1.2154 0.05587 65 52 12 1
1996 Impressive. Now get me another glass of wine. 1.2152 0.05885 79 66 9 4
1997 Taking a break from social media? Not now, Candice. 1.2152 0.04990 79 63 15 1
1998 At least I know that SOMEONE cares if I find my contact. 1.2152 0.05603 79 65 11 3
1999 Ok, now Buffy goes on the bottom. 1.2152 0.05603 79 65 11 3
2000 We’re playing horsey. 1.2152 0.05305 79 64 13 2
2001 Competition for your attention is really mounting! 1.2152 0.06155 79 67 7 5
2002 Me too? 1.2152 0.05305 79 64 13 2
2003 Who’s foolish now? 1.2152 0.05305 79 64 13 2
2004 The pony called out sick. Rufus asked us to be his stand-ins. 1.2152 0.05603 79 65 11 3
2005 We’re all Yours…Honest 1.2152 0.05603 79 65 11 3
2006 Fifi needs to pee. 1.2151 0.05481 93 78 10 5
2007 See, honey? We don't have space for kids! 1.2151 0.05036 93 76 14 3
2008 I would say it's time we got back into circulation.. 1.2151 0.04798 93 75 16 2
2009 We're heading over to Bremen. 1.2151 0.05481 93 78 10 5
2010 Anything else we can do to amuse you? 1.2151 0.05036 93 76 14 3
2011 This is your last chance to get in the family act. 1.2151 0.05481 93 78 10 5
2012 I forgot to charge the Roomba. 1.2151 0.05036 93 76 14 3
2013 Now do you forgive us for the mess? 1.2151 0.04798 93 75 16 2
2014 Honey, have you seen the pets?! 1.2151 0.05036 93 76 14 3
2015 Well, maybe not know, but when I train the fish to juggle, Simon can't NOT be impressed. 1.2151 0.05690 93 79 8 6
2016 Here' what I've been working on in quarantine, what do you think? 1.2151 0.05263 93 77 12 4
2017 I thought you said we would juggle the pet responsibilities. 1.2151 0.05036 93 76 14 3
2018 Frank,is that your idea of a pyramid scheme? 1.2151 0.05481 93 78 10 5
2019 One of us definitely overshot the micro-dosing. 1.2151 0.05263 93 77 12 4
2020 Cat your service 1.2151 0.05263 93 77 12 4
2021 Is this a good time to ask for an increase in my allowance?” 1.2151 0.05036 93 76 14 3
2022 Does this not please you?! 1.2151 0.05263 93 77 12 4
2023 This is my idea of kinky! 1.2150 0.04793 107 88 15 4
2024 Now can I have some wine? 1.2143 0.04412 98 78 19 1
2025 We're trying out for 'America's Got No-Talent.' 1.2143 0.05375 84 69 12 3
2026 Get up,Maslow,you made your point. 1.2143 0.05885 84 71 8 5
2027 I appreciate the sourdough bread, but did you learn to do this? 1.2143 0.05280 98 82 11 5
2028 And now I climb on your back. A deal's a deal! 1.2143 0.04644 98 79 17 2
2029 She said perspective could save our marriage. 1.2143 0.05280 98 82 11 5
2030 No. You cannot have a pony. 1.2143 0.05664 98 84 7 7
2031 It's your turn to feed the fish. 1.2143 0.05664 98 84 7 7
2032 Well, maybe WE think YOU'RE in a pyramid scheme. 1.2143 0.04472 112 91 18 3
2033 Tower of please, Ma” 1.2143 0.04865 98 80 15 3
2034 „Tom, I want a divorce.“ 1.2143 0.04982 112 94 12 6
2035 I swear it was the goldfish’s idea. 1.2143 0.05077 98 81 13 4
2036 Do you think Simon Cowell would give us a Golden Buzzer? 1.2136 0.04907 103 85 14 4
2037 Life is a balancing act, n'est ce pas? 1.2136 0.04709 103 84 16 3
2038 Woman’s hierarchy of needs. 1.2136 0.04503 103 83 18 2
2039 I think maybe we're just two really different people who want different things. 1.2136 0.05458 103 88 8 7
2040 So you're telling me we're going to vacation in Bremen? 1.2136 0.05098 103 86 12 5
2041 All this and I found only a quarter. 1.2135 0.05412 89 74 11 4
2042 You want the snake - - where?!? 1.2135 0.05643 89 75 9 5
2043 And this concludes "Why We Don't Need Kids". 1.2135 0.05171 89 73 13 3
2044 Don't look at me, it was the dog's idea 1.2135 0.05171 89 73 13 3
2045 I’m still going to book club…. 1.2135 0.05643 89 75 9 5
2046 See what I mean? 1.2135 0.05643 89 75 9 5
2047 Let's play Jenga. 1.2135 0.05171 89 73 13 3
2048 We can explain the mess but wanted to ensure balanced reporting. 1.2135 0.04651 89 71 17 1
2049 They double-dog dared me. 1.2135 0.05171 89 73 13 3
2050 We thought he was a Clownfish, but he's really an Acrobatfish. 1.2135 0.05643 89 75 9 5
2051 Try topping this? 1.2135 0.05412 89 74 11 4
2052 It’s the food pyramid 1.2135 0.05865 89 76 7 6
2053 No, Pete, the audience are looking for something more than this. 1.2135 0.04918 89 72 15 2
2054 My Tik Tok followers loved it. 1.2135 0.04918 89 72 15 2
2055 I’m just a boy, kneeling in front of a girl, with a dog and a cat and a fish on my back, asking her to love him. 1.2135 0.05643 89 75 9 5
2056 Told you that I could train them to stay off the rug. 1.2135 0.04918 89 72 15 2
2057 ah - you ordered ramen, not bremen. 1.2135 0.05412 89 74 11 4
2058 Make a run for it. That fish is out of control. 1.2133 0.06090 75 63 8 4
2059 I think I finally found something to enter in "America's Got Talent!" 1.2133 0.05787 75 62 10 3
2060 You asked for an evolution lesson? Well, here you go. 1.2133 0.05467 75 61 12 2
2061 playing jenga with the family 1.2133 0.05467 75 61 12 2
2062 Then it's turtles all the way down. 1.2133 0.05787 75 62 10 3
2063 No, what's ridiculous is, the fish thinks we're turtles. 1.2133 0.05467 75 61 12 2
2064 What do you mean, your 'biggest pet peeve'? 1.2133 0.05787 75 62 10 3
2065 You said you liked the pets better than me 1.2133 0.05787 75 62 10 3
2066 Since my headstands didn’t please you… 1.2130 0.04753 108 89 15 4
2067 They all insisted that I take them for a walk, I'll be back. 1.2130 0.04753 108 89 15 4
2068 They call this pose "downward-facing dog." 1.2130 0.04931 108 90 13 5
2069 The Tonight Show called. 1.2128 0.05212 94 78 12 4
2070 Can you guess who the underdog of this story is? 1.2128 0.04987 94 77 14 3
2071 Will you at least try to look for your contact lens? 1.2128 0.05427 94 79 10 5
2072 Ok, Ok, now can I have drink? 1.2125 0.06083 80 68 7 5
2073 Can I have my glass of wine now? 1.2125 0.05539 80 66 11 3
2074 The LEAST you can do is give me a sip! 1.2125 0.05245 80 65 13 2
2075 I think we need to get out more. 1.2125 0.05245 80 65 13 2
2076 The food chain affects my horsey rides. 1.2125 0.05539 80 66 11 3
2077 As you can see, the food pyramid is very complicated. 1.2125 0.04602 80 63 17 0
2078 See? I CAN multitask. 1.2125 0.05245 80 65 13 2
2079 You said that I needed more balance in my life. 1.2124 0.04779 113 94 14 5
2080 OK, fine. I'll balance the checkbook next time. 1.2121 0.04821 99 81 15 3
2081 Wait, when did you say Ringling Brothers stopped having animal acts? 1.2121 0.05030 99 82 13 4
2082 COVID Charades 1.2121 0.05231 99 83 11 5
2083 Just practicing playing horse for the grandkids. 1.2121 0.04372 99 79 19 1
2084 So NOW can I have the wifi password? 1.2121 0.04372 99 79 19 1
2085 Sure it's an unusual hobby but it got us through lockdownwith toned abs 1.2121 0.05030 99 82 13 4
2086 May I have my martini now? 1.2121 0.05231 99 83 11 5
2087 It's your turn for piggyback rides 1.2119 0.05085 118 101 9 8
2088 Interested in some heavy petting? 1.2118 0.05317 85 70 12 3
2089 Nice try, but Ringling Brothers isn’t using animals anymore. 1.2118 0.05317 85 70 12 3
2090 You promised you'd take the bottom! 1.2118 0.05317 85 70 12 3
2091 Now can we eat? 1.2118 0.05317 85 70 12 3
2092 We get it. From now on we'll feed ourselves. 1.2118 0.05317 85 70 12 3
2093 I am just a guy and a dog and a cat and a fish standing in front of a girl asking her to love us. 1.2118 0.05047 85 69 14 2
2094 For once I’m glad I am not top dog! 1.2118 0.05575 85 71 10 4
2095 Do we still have that bearskin rug? 1.2118 0.05047 85 69 14 2
2096 I knew getting rid of the tv was a bad idea. 1.2118 0.05317 85 70 12 3
2097 There was a horse underneath me a minute ago, but I lost it. 1.2118 0.05820 85 72 8 5
2098 Why am I always the bottom of the food chain? 1.2115 0.04864 104 86 14 4
2099 Marriage is such a balancing act! 1.2115 0.04864 104 86 14 4
2100 Is this what you meant by "being more supportive"? 1.2115 0.04464 104 84 18 2
2101 Our anniversary was yesterday, honey. 1.2113 0.05275 71 57 13 1
2102 Sit. 1.2113 0.05990 71 59 9 3
2103 The gerbil ran off" 1.2113 0.05990 71 59 9 3
2104 You brought this on yourself 1.2113 0.05644 71 58 11 2
2105 Quick, throw the houseplant on top. 1.2111 0.04869 90 73 15 2
2106 No, we don’t want turducken for dinner. 1.2111 0.05357 90 75 11 4
2107 OK, so now you know I know who the "Bremer City Musicians" were . . . 1.2111 0.05119 90 74 13 3
2108 We have to get cable." 1.2111 0.04869 90 73 15 2
2109 The cricket drowned. 1.2111 0.05357 90 75 11 4
2110 You forgot the Canary. 1.2111 0.04869 90 73 15 2
2111 Please, not the gerbil! 1.2111 0.05119 90 74 13 3
2112 When you told me to join the circus, I realized I needed an act. 1.2111 0.05119 90 74 13 3
2113 We’re just about ready to do this as a high wire act.” 1.2111 0.05357 90 75 11 4
2114 See. I told you it isn’t turtles all the way down. 1.2111 0.05119 90 74 13 3
2115 NOW, will you marry me and join the circus? 1.2111 0.04605 90 72 17 1
2116 Have you paid the Cable bill yet 1.2111 0.05585 90 76 9 5
2117 well, you're always telling me to work on finding more balance! 1.2105 0.05717 76 63 10 3
2118 The fish is really bossy! 1.2105 0.05402 76 62 12 2
2119 Think you could try this with the checkbook? 1.2105 0.05402 76 62 12 2
2120 We would all be very honored if you would agree to marry us! 1.2105 0.06016 76 64 8 4
2121 We need a gecko. 1.2105 0.04708 95 77 16 2
2122 When feeding time and Happy Hour overlap 1.2105 0.05402 76 62 12 2
2123 You're going to have to put the wine down for this one... 1.2105 0.05717 76 63 10 3
2124 I must say, Eve, you're looking lovely tonight. 1.2105 0.05067 76 61 14 1
2125 I agree, online dating has gotten much more specific. 1.2105 0.05578 95 81 8 6
2126 Come on, look how supportive I am! 1.2105 0.05402 76 62 12 2
2127 My yogi said house pets are the G.O.A.T. 1.2105 0.05717 76 63 10 3
2128 Don’t move, the goldfish is about to leap into your wine glass. 1.2100 0.05183 100 84 11 5
2129 See! It’s not “turtles all the way down”! 1.2100 0.05374 100 85 9 6
2130 I'm leaving you and taking the dog, the cat, and the fish--in that order." 1.2100 0.04984 100 83 13 4
2131 Marriage is a balancing act. 1.2100 0.04777 100 82 15 3
2132 …and don’t let the door hit your a…. on the way out! 1.2100 0.04560 100 81 17 2
2133 …When did they….maybe there is such thing as too much wine… 1.2100 0.04984 100 83 13 4
2134 It was in this moment, Bob knew exactly where he ranked 1.2100 0.04560 100 81 17 2
2135 Do what? 1.2099 0.05751 81 68 9 4
2136 Confirming... you have no interest in family activities. 1.2099 0.05187 81 66 13 2
2137 Please, accept our apology! 1.2099 0.05751 81 68 9 4
2138 The fish says you're at the bottom - its words, not mine. 1.2099 0.05751 81 68 9 4
2139 Sharon is that your third glass of wine? I think you're losing it... 1.2099 0.04880 81 65 15 1
2140 Very impressive, but I still want a divorce. 1.2099 0.04880 81 65 15 1
2141 Henry is getting more creative in his attempts to beg for sex. 1.2099 0.06013 81 69 7 5
2142 Now do the worm. 1.2099 0.04880 81 65 15 1
2143 I couldn't find a rooster!" "Which makes you the a** dear. 1.2097 0.06143 62 51 9 2
2144 I don't think is what they mean by "work-life balance." 1.2095 0.04822 105 87 14 4
2145 We come to you in solidarity for wanting to be fed. 1.2095 0.04628 105 86 16 3
2146 Iust let me finish my wine and I will feed you. 1.2093 0.04994 86 70 14 2
2147 Your olive is not under the coach. Are you sure you didn't swallow it. 1.2093 0.05515 86 72 10 4
2148 Ah, it’s nice to see my pyramid scheme is working 1.2093 0.05515 86 72 10 4
2149 I'm fine with the empty nest - why do you ask? 1.2093 0.05261 86 71 12 3
2150 Quick! Call my agent! 1.2093 0.04712 86 69 16 1
2151 Try doing this for 5 more hours and then tell me "giving birth is easy" 1.2093 0.04994 86 70 14 2
2152 When's Dinner? 1.2093 0.04994 86 70 14 2
2153 Water would have been fine, I don't need the fish 1.2093 0.05261 86 71 12 3
2154 Of course I'm pet friendly. 1.2093 0.04994 86 70 14 2
2155 Do you understan evolution now? 1.2091 0.04302 110 89 19 2
2156 Thank you for not buying the pet snake. 1.2091 0.04492 110 90 17 3
2157 Fine, you can have one beer. 1.2088 0.04821 91 74 15 2
2158 what does it take to win your love. 1.2088 0.05068 91 75 13 3
2159 Would you pleeease get between me and the dog? 1.2088 0.04821 91 74 15 2
2160 Bark meow glub is my new catchphrase 1.2088 0.05529 91 77 9 5
2161 I'm calling our act The Crawling Wallendas." 1.2088 0.05303 91 76 11 4
2162 Do we have your attention now dear? 1.2088 0.04560 91 73 17 1
2163 What’s wrong honey, you said yourself we should take things to the next level 1.2088 0.04560 91 73 17 1
2164 We should get a parakeet. 1.2088 0.05068 91 75 13 3
2165 Post-divorce, let’s exchange: you get the pets, I get your wine. 1.2083 0.05573 72 59 11 2
2166 We really need a TV 1.2083 0.05913 72 60 9 3
2167 Quick, get the bear 1.2083 0.05112 96 80 12 4
2168 We're sorry. 1.2083 0.05112 96 80 12 4
2169 Honey, I think you're taking this game of charades a little too far. 1.2083 0.05913 72 60 9 3
2170 Is the electricity back on yet? 1.2083 0.05322 96 81 10 5
2171 Now will you forgive us? 1.2083 0.04663 96 78 16 2
2172 Honey, could you scratch my left ear? 1.2083 0.05573 72 59 11 2
2173 Will you please get your pets off my back. 1.2083 0.06542 72 62 5 5
2174 Rover, Fluffy and Goldie are telling you that they have my back on this issue. 1.2083 0.05210 72 58 13 1
2175 Who needs goat yoga? 1.2083 0.04663 96 78 16 2
2176 You told me to get a hobby... 1.2083 0.04663 96 78 16 2
2177 Karen I think we need to re-evaluate our 2.5 family 1.2083 0.05322 96 81 10 5
2178 Charades again? 1.2083 0.05524 96 82 8 6
2179 I told you retirement would be worthwhile! 1.2083 0.04663 96 78 16 2
2180 Look who doesn’t have a ‘real job’ now. 1.2079 0.05135 101 85 11 5
2181 Have you seen the gerbil? 1.2079 0.04734 101 83 15 3
2182 Time to choose. Who do you love most? 1.2079 0.05135 101 85 11 5
2183 Yes, I’ve been going out, but not like you think. 1.2079 0.04939 101 84 13 4
2184 Now do you understand the food chain? 1.2079 0.04734 101 83 15 3
2185 Whatever you do, don't roll over 1.2079 0.04734 101 83 15 3
2186 Room for one more under the dog 1.2078 0.05649 77 64 10 3
2187 Emma contemplates the perils of Internet outages during 'me' time 1.2078 0.05338 77 63 12 2
2188 Ok, it's 2 words, first word 1.2078 0.05008 77 62 14 1
2189 Giddyap horsey 1.2078 0.04654 77 61 16 0
2190 Do you want to take them for awhile 1.2078 0.05649 77 64 10 3
2191 We call it Petflix and chill. 1.2075 0.04780 106 88 14 4
2192 Okay okay. Let’s have a baby 1.2075 0.04965 106 89 12 5
2193 "No way 'America's Got Talent' takes us if you're not with us. 1.2073 0.05945 82 70 7 5
2194 Couldn't I just do the dishes once a week instead? 1.2073 0.04827 82 66 15 1
2195 That's great, but you still need to take the garbage out. 1.2073 0.05686 82 69 9 4
2196 Please say yes 1.2073 0.05129 82 67 13 2
2197 If it looks like I'm on my hands and knees with the dog, cat, and fish balanced on my back then there's a good chance you've had enough wine. 1.2073 0.05415 82 68 11 3
2198 Please don't yell, "Fetch!" 1.2073 0.05686 82 69 9 4
2199 Dan I think it’s time we consider adopting 1.2073 0.05415 82 68 11 3
2200 And that’s my theory of evolution. 1.2073 0.05129 82 67 13 2
2201 Don't worry dear- it's just a spider. 1.2073 0.05129 82 67 13 2
2202 We’re searching for our lost time. 1.2073 0.05415 82 68 11 3
2203 Sorry, there is just no room for you anymore 1.2073 0.05945 82 70 7 5
2204 Now I get why you do yoga at the studio. 1.2073 0.05129 82 67 13 2
2205 Okay, we forgot the hamster. We'll start over. 1.2073 0.05415 82 68 11 3
2206 They call it pet store yoga. Do you think it will catch on? 1.2073 0.05686 82 69 9 4
2207 Don't ask me to stand. 1.2073 0.05415 82 68 11 3
2208 My lens must be under the sofa . 1.2073 0.05129 82 67 13 2
2209 Can you see the ant? 1.2073 0.04827 82 66 15 1
2210 Explain to me again how the food pyramid works? 1.2072 0.04455 111 91 17 3
2211 All of our inner clocks agree, it’s time for dinner. 1.2072 0.04976 111 94 11 6
2212 I lost my contact lens. It took off from there. 1.2069 0.05206 87 72 12 3
2213 Your pets have approved! 1.2069 0.05696 87 74 8 5
2214 I know I said we could spend the evening any way you wanted, but this is ridiculous. 1.2069 0.05456 87 73 10 4
2215 I'M ILLUSTRATING MASLOW'S HIERARCH Y OF NEEDS FOR YOU 1.2069 0.05456 87 73 10 4
2216 the dang hamster rolled off, didn't he?? 1.2069 0.05206 87 72 12 3
2217 Can we please renew our Netflix subscription? 1.2069 0.04664 87 70 16 1
2218 We no longer care about your joining our happiness, Heart. 1.2069 0.04942 87 71 14 2
2219 OK, no more relationship status questions. 1.2069 0.05206 87 72 12 3
2220 It's a newer form of goat yoga. 1.2069 0.05456 87 73 10 4
2221 Well, I'm sorry--I couldn't find the gerbil. 1.2069 0.04502 116 96 16 4
2222 Is the Wi-Fi working yet? 1.2069 0.05206 87 72 12 3
2223 And you said we’d regret cancelling Netflix 1.2069 0.04942 87 71 14 2
2224 Instead of 'duck, duck, goose...its dog, cat, fish.' 1.2065 0.05250 92 77 11 4
2225 And this is instead of making dinner? 1.2065 0.05687 92 79 7 6
2226 Are you one-upping goat yoga? 1.2065 0.05017 92 76 13 3
2227 Not bad… but I once saw a monkey juggling five wrought iron skillets! 1.2065 0.04773 92 75 15 2
2228 I'm searching for balance in my life. 1.2065 0.04773 92 75 15 2
2229 How are you making us do this!? And where are your pupils? Dear god… You’re not my wife. You’re some sort of demon that is controlling her body! Be gone, foul demon! We are not animals made to perform in your circus of torment! My soul is on fire! 1.2065 0.05687 92 79 7 6
2230 Ok. This time finish your drink before I do the summersault. 1.2065 0.05250 92 77 11 4
2231 I was just looking for my contact. 1.2065 0.04773 92 75 15 2
2232 Work from home was really productive today 1.2065 0.05017 92 76 13 3
2233 We're just trying to get your attention! 1.2063 0.05616 63 51 11 1
2234 Marlo's hierarchy of pleads 1.2062 0.05471 97 83 8 6
2235 I have reconsidered my opposition to renewing our streaming service. 1.2062 0.04847 97 80 14 3
2236 If you thought Naked Twister was next-level, you’re in for big surprise. 1.2062 0.04847 97 80 14 3
2237 Honey, please don’t take us for granted. 1.2062 0.04620 97 79 16 2
2238 Come on! Keep guessing! The goldfish is poetic freedom! 1.2062 0.04620 97 79 16 2
2239 Honey, who wrote "PC Vey" on the carpet? 1.2062 0.05471 97 83 8 6
2240 I miss our old cocktail parties. 1.2059 0.05760 68 56 10 2
2241 America’s Got Talent has nothing on us! 1.2059 0.04023 102 81 21 0
2242 I simply do not understand how our friends have children. 1.2059 0.05760 68 56 10 2
2243 This routine just isn’t doing it for me, Carol. 1.2059 0.05760 68 56 10 2
2244 I’m not beneath you, Janet.” 1.2056 0.04550 107 88 16 3
2245 We're still not going to your mother's for Thanksgiving. 1.2056 0.04739 107 89 14 4
2246 That's not the performance that I was hoping for . 1.2055 0.05839 73 61 9 3
2247 You're welcome to join us. 1.2055 0.04762 73 58 15 0
2248 Wait until you see us do downward dog. 1.2051 0.04785 117 99 12 6
2249 Now, if you'd bring me my skateboards. 1.2051 0.05873 78 66 8 4
2250 Trying to unionize for more attention again, Harold? 1.2051 0.05873 78 66 8 4
2251 One drink. I told you it was one lousy drink. 1.2051 0.04950 78 63 14 1
2252 Have you seen the gecko anywhere? 1.2051 0.06150 78 67 6 5
2253 Perfect! Now throw your trenchcoat on and we can all go to the movie. 1.2051 0.05583 78 65 10 3
2254 Honey how’s about getting off the couch and calling the chiropractor! 1.2051 0.05583 78 65 10 3
2255 At least we don’t have to send them to school. 1.2051 0.05583 78 65 10 3
2256 Oh yeah? Well can GREG do this? 1.2048 0.05355 83 69 11 3
2257 I was going to take the fish for a tour of the house and then everyone wanted in. 1.2048 0.05355 83 69 11 3
2258 Please forgive us We all promise to never do it again 1.2048 0.05355 83 69 11 3
2259 This one is so stupid no matter what you write it won’t be funny. 1.2048 0.05623 83 70 9 4
2260 I warned you about pyramid schemes. 1.2048 0.05623 83 70 9 4
2261 We're worried about your drinking problem. 1.2048 0.05355 83 69 11 3
2262 Have you seen Max, Snowball or Nemo? I can't find them anywhere. 1.2048 0.05878 83 71 7 5
2263 If Stupid Pet Tricks aren't still a thing, I've clearly wasted my life. 1.2048 0.05073 83 68 13 2
2264 Sidney’s latest pyramid scheme fails miserably. 1.2048 0.05073 83 68 13 2
2265 Well I’m not the one with a monkey on their back, Karen. 1.2048 0.04775 83 67 15 1
2266 I don't know how you do it all 1.2048 0.05623 83 70 9 4
2267 If I told you once I’ve told you a thousand times Frank, I’m not into the circus ring master role playing. 1.2048 0.05623 83 70 9 4
2268 Taking care of three animals is a balancing act. 1.2045 0.04891 88 72 14 2
2269 Is there a mouse in the house? 1.2045 0.05399 88 74 10 4
2270 The lovers, the dreamers, and me. 1.2045 0.05399 88 74 10 4
2271 Pick Me! 1.2045 0.05152 88 73 12 3
2272 I can't do this by myself, dear. 1.2045 0.05152 88 73 12 3
2273 Larry, when I told you I wanted to see the Great Pyramid, this isn't what I had in mind. 1.2045 0.05399 88 74 10 4
2274 I don’t think this new holistic vet is worth the money 1.2045 0.05152 88 73 12 3
2275 Can you check if the wifi is back yet? 1.2043 0.05418 93 79 9 5
2276 The hardest part was training the fish. 1.2043 0.04727 93 76 15 2
2277 They won't tell me how they do the goldfish part. 1.2043 0.05198 93 78 11 4
2278 I can’t take another Covid lockdown ! 1.2043 0.04727 93 76 15 2
2279 See? We need a pony. 1.2043 0.04968 93 77 13 3
2280 C’mon. Nothing? 1.2043 0.05198 93 78 11 4
2281 "Remind me again why pets are easier to raise than children." 1.2043 0.04727 93 76 15 2
2282 It’s not a pyramid scheme, it’s a pyramid meme’ 1.2043 0.04473 93 75 17 1
2283 you called my queen? 1.2041 0.04802 98 81 14 3
2284 Snickers and the goldfish objected to the Top Dog idea. 1.2041 0.05419 98 84 8 6
2285 You know that’s my pet peeve. 1.2041 0.04802 98 81 14 3
2286 Marriage’s hierarchy of needs. 1.2041 0.05016 98 82 12 4
2287 Honey, the fish won't get off again. 1.2041 0.04802 98 81 14 3
2288 Well, THIS isn't Bremen Town, and it WON'T help your music career. 1.2041 0.04342 98 79 18 1
2289 So I was reading them a folk tale called The Bremen Town Musicians, and we didn't have a donkey... 1.2041 0.04802 98 81 14 3
2290 Please don't buy the horse. 1.2041 0.04577 98 80 16 2
2291 It took us all day, but we finally decided that this was the best order. 1.2041 0.04577 98 80 16 2
2292 Now,you stand on the fish 1.2041 0.04802 98 81 14 3
2293 I can’t handle this balancing act of caring for all of our pets anymore! 1.2041 0.04577 98 80 16 2
2294 Trust me, Ellie. This is the only way to cut our streaming obsession. 1.2041 0.05222 98 83 10 5
2295 Enjoy your ‘Me Time’ Honey, we’ll wait. 1.2041 0.04802 98 81 14 3
2296 He’s a red pigfish, so yeah, it plays… 1.2041 0.05016 98 82 12 4
2297 Is this good for a TikTok? 1.2039 0.04441 103 84 17 2
2298 We all want it with the strap-on 1.2039 0.05043 103 87 11 5
2299 The fish is rocking the boat. 1.2039 0.04441 103 84 17 2
2300 We’ve searched everywhere at this level and we still can’t find the mouse ! 1.2039 0.04650 103 85 15 3
2301 You’ve got us trained, but we want a better work/life balance! 1.2037 0.04699 108 90 14 4
2302 OK, now can we ask your mother not to come this weekend? 1.2037 0.04699 108 90 14 4
2303 One of us accidentally shrunk your white sweater. 1.2037 0.04699 108 90 14 4
2304 Circus try outs are next Monday. 1.2037 0.04880 108 91 12 5
2305 It was then that Rhonda knew she had indeed made the right decision having had Brad taxidermied as well… 1.2029 0.06047 69 58 8 3
2306 We're heading to the market for liver-flavored kibble, a rubber mouse, and some dried worms. Do you need anything? 1.2029 0.05684 69 57 10 2
2307 If only we could swim in what you drink 1.2029 0.06715 69 60 4 5
2308 We are groveling at your feet. More food please. 1.2027 0.05083 74 60 13 1
2309 On the bright side, without the pandemic, we wouldn't have perfected this neat little trick. 1.2027 0.05083 74 60 13 1
2310 Hurry up and take a photo for the goldfish’s Instagram. 1.2027 0.05435 74 61 11 2
2311 Your engagement ring is in the bowl. I hope you can decide quickly. 1.2027 0.05435 74 61 11 2
2312 That"s all very nice, Arnold, but do you always have to be on the bottom? 1.2027 0.05083 74 60 13 1
2313 The fish doesn't want the word "scale" anywhere in the contract. 1.2027 0.05435 74 61 11 2
2314 I'm going to have to ask you to put down your wine. 1.2027 0.05083 74 60 13 1
2315 Honey, have you seen the Cockatoo? 1.2027 0.06660 74 65 3 6
2316 What? The carpet was still drying. 1.2027 0.05435 74 61 11 2
2317 I really think you need to start going back to the office. 1.2025 0.05804 79 67 8 4
2318 Well at least the monkey is off my back! 1.2025 0.05804 79 67 8 4
2319 The circus may have closed but the show goes on!" 1.2025 0.04894 79 64 14 1
2320 Better. But I think the mouse on the back of the cat is more iconic. 1.2025 0.05518 79 66 10 3
2321 As family, it's never the wrong time for an intervention! 1.2025 0.05518 79 66 10 3
2322 Now throw that glass of Chardonnay in my face and then I'll promise to always lower the toilet seat. 1.2025 0.04550 79 63 16 0
2323 OK,OK ,let's go with the kid idea!!!!!!!! 1.2025 0.05215 79 65 12 2
2324 We got a callback from Cirque du Soleil, so I think we each deserve a treat to celebrate 1.2025 0.05518 79 66 10 3
2325 I have to stay like this for HOW many years before Mitch McConnell considers bringing HR8 to the senate floor for a vote, you say? 1.2025 0.05804 79 67 8 4
2326 Is the pandemic over yet? 1.2025 0.05518 79 66 10 3
2327 We’re leaving you for Cirque du Soleil. 1.2025 0.05518 79 66 10 3
2328 Honey, can you help us find the pet snail? 1.2025 0.05804 79 67 8 4
2329 Bring with you is enough of a balancing act,Richard. 1.2024 0.05019 84 69 13 2
2330 We are not amused! 1.2024 0.05297 84 70 11 3
2331 I do have Baggage! 1.2024 0.05019 84 69 13 2
2332 Aaand it's still a no... 1.2024 0.05297 84 70 11 3
2333 Of course,getting the cat to go along was the hard part. 1.2024 0.04724 84 68 15 1
2334 Yes, I promise, no more TikTok videos after we finish making this one! 1.2024 0.05297 84 70 11 3
2335 What's for dinner? 1.2024 0.05019 84 69 13 2
2336 You keep our life balanced 1.2024 0.05297 84 70 11 3
2337 Yes dear. 1.2024 0.05561 84 71 9 4
2338 Let us entertain you!! 1.2024 0.05019 84 69 13 2
2339 Well, I think there would also be lots of other reasons to have a pony. 1.2024 0.05019 84 69 13 2
2340 Well, you told me I need more balance in my life... 1.2024 0.05019 84 69 13 2
2341 Ringling's gonna be here in a second. 1.2024 0.05297 84 70 11 3
2342 Do you want to be on the top or the bottom? 1.2024 0.05297 84 70 11 3
2343 And then it's turtles all the way down. 1.2022 0.05099 89 74 12 3
2344 You really haven't heard about the latest Tik Tok challenge? 1.2022 0.05343 89 75 10 4
2345 How did you ever guess that I want to go to Bremen? 1.2022 0.05099 89 74 12 3
2346 I think we can stop the training classes. 1.2022 0.04570 89 72 16 1
2347 That’s cute, but I still carry more on my shoulders. 1.2022 0.05099 89 74 12 3
2348 ‘The turtle is beneath our feet.’ 1.2022 0.05099 89 74 12 3
2349 Goldie's ready for the cheerleader tryout. 1.2021 0.04682 94 77 15 2
2350 We're all in agreement—you're at the top of the food chain. 1.2021 0.04430 94 76 17 1
2351 'Could you scratch my nose, please?' 1.2021 0.05147 94 79 11 4
2352 The therapist said we should express our fantasies 1.2021 0.04920 94 78 13 3
2353 Now, the rest of us haven't been drinking, sooo.... 1.2021 0.05147 94 79 11 4
2354 Will you marry me, even though one of them swallowed your engagement ring? 1.2021 0.05147 94 79 11 4
2355 What do you mean 'Make no sudden moves?' How do you think I got in this situation in the first place? 1.2021 0.05147 94 79 11 4
2356 Thank you. I think it's clever too, but no one will book the act unless I set us all on fire. 1.2020 0.04758 99 82 14 3
2357 I’m telling you, Babe, this just doesn’t work without you. 1.2020 0.04536 99 81 16 2
2358 OK, we're here. So why did you swallow the fly? 1.2020 0.04536 99 81 16 2
2359 Don’t you dare. 1.2020 0.05368 99 85 8 6
2360 It's our entry for 'Stupid Pet Tricks' ! 1.2020 0.04302 99 80 18 1
2361 I am glad I expanded my skills in the last two years but I really think I am ready to go back into the office now. 1.2020 0.05173 99 84 10 5
2362 The NBA needs unique halftime performers. 1.2019 0.04998 104 88 11 5
2363 We did a bad thing. 1.2019 0.04808 104 87 13 4
2364 I call this "The Aristocrats." 1.2018 0.05011 109 93 10 6
2365 To begin with, this is not a pyramid scheme. 1.2018 0.04660 109 91 14 4
2366 We've been practicing for America's Got Talent, but the mouse slipped and drowned. 1.2000 0.05156 80 66 12 2
2367 I have an audition tomorrow for "America's Got No Talent." 1.2000 0.04965 85 70 13 2
2368 And you were SO sure the cat wouldn't go along with this. 1.2000 0.05022 75 61 13 1
2369 This is as viral as we get. 1.2000 0.04793 90 74 14 2
2370 Ready to play Jenga? 1.2000 0.05749 85 73 7 5
2371 Oh, fuck! 1.2000 0.04969 110 94 10 6
2372 I'm the fish out of water here 1.2000 0.04872 95 79 13 3
2373 The chia pet?…seriously? 1.2000 0.05454 80 67 10 3
2374 I can’t see why this has anything to do with PETA, Barbara. 1.2000 0.05967 70 59 8 3
2375 OK, fine. We can get an actual Jenga. 1.2000 0.04793 90 74 14 2
2376 I think you should change your music. 1.2000 0.04793 90 74 14 2
2377 Okay Jan, now go get the baby. 1.2000 0.05454 80 67 10 3
2378 Honey, we are so sorry we didn't finish our dinner yesterday, it won't happen again. 1.2000 0.04965 85 70 13 2
2379 What do you think? AGT? 1.2000 0.05097 95 80 11 4
2380 Where’s the bird? 1.2000 0.05047 90 75 12 3
2381 Household pets assemble! Together we might stand a chance. 1.2000 0.05156 80 66 12 2
2382 Jane, listen to me. The fish is pure evil. Get the gun. Now. 1.2000 0.05454 80 67 10 3
2383 No, you may not get a Horse. 1.2000 0.05749 85 73 7 5
2384 Sorry Honey, but jumping through hoops is not an option right now! 1.2000 0.05610 70 58 10 2
2385 OK then, what would impress you? 1.2000 0.05022 75 61 13 1
2386 Now, balance your glass on the tip of my nose! 1.2000 0.05369 75 62 11 2
2387 We’re joining the circus, you want to hop on?! 1.2000 0.04822 120 103 10 7
2388 Oh, Honey! Barnum and Baileys isn't using animal acts this year. 1.2000 0.05610 70 58 10 2
2389 Sweetie, have you seen my IPhone ? 1.2000 0.05047 90 75 12 3
2390 Beg the children to move back in. I cannot do this much longer. 1.2000 0.05239 85 71 11 3
2391 You listed all my imperfections,wrong doings and lack of judgement since 2002. What else can i do to make it up to you? 1.2000 0.05737 80 68 8 4
2392 0n ‘3’, the fish w 1.2000 0.05737 80 68 8 4
2393 Flippy can't support all our weight, so I had to be on the bottom. 1.2000 0.04674 85 69 15 1
2394 Are you not entertained?...and is the streaming back up yet? 1.2000 0.06279 65 55 7 3
2395 We’re concerned that having kids will upset our well-balanced family dynamic. 1.2000 0.05288 90 76 10 4
2396 Is this performance less disappointing? 1.2000 0.04525 90 73 16 1
2397 Pet Yoga is the fitness craze spreading like wildfire across the nation. 1.2000 0.06003 75 64 7 4
2398 It's turtles all the way down. 1.2000 0.05519 90 77 8 5
2399 It was all accidental. 1.2000 0.05454 80 67 10 3
2400 See what I do for sex? 1.2000 0.05156 80 66 12 2
2401 It’s a TikTok thing honey, just take the photo. 1.2000 0.04714 100 83 14 3
2402 Just getting through my day is a real balancing act. 1.2000 0.05695 75 63 9 3
2403 Howl woof meow and splash. 1.2000 0.05369 75 62 11 2
2404 I don't think this is helping to ease my back pain. 1.2000 0.05369 75 62 11 2
2405 Slightly more impressive than my bank balance. 1.2000 0.05610 70 58 10 2
2406 I figured our a way to keep Buddy from chasing Tabby and Tabby from trying to eat Nemo. 1.2000 0.04500 80 64 16 0
2407 I think this increased time at home thing is getting to us. 1.2000 0.04965 85 70 13 2
2408 That’s a good start. 1.2000 0.05156 80 66 12 2
2409 Good enough for America's Got Talent? 1.2000 0.04654 115 97 13 5
2410 Ok honey,now do you get evolution ? 1.2000 0.05318 100 86 8 6
2411 We're sorry for making a mess of the house, now will you please feed us? 1.2000 0.04872 95 79 13 3
2412 Okay, now get the budgie... 1.2000 0.04965 85 70 13 2
2413 We call it `The Aristocrats` 1.2000 0.04793 90 74 14 2
2414 The four beggars of suburbia. 1.2000 0.04965 85 70 13 2
2415 Can you get me a few worms? 1.2000 0.05047 90 75 12 3
2416 I bet you can't guess what we're planning for the next stack." 1.2000 0.04965 85 70 13 2
2417 Well, you were right. It was cuter in the garden. Let’s head back out… 1.2000 0.04793 90 74 14 2
2418 I know our therapist said to find a better balance at home, but this is not it 1.2000 0.04965 85 70 13 2
2419 Honey I know you’re bored but maybe you should go back to cup staking 1.2000 0.05695 75 63 9 3
2420 The bird is just getting into character he’ll be right out 1.2000 0.06279 65 55 7 3
2421 Ahh, me time…always so relaxing. 1.2000 0.04954 105 89 11 5
2422 How am I supposed to roll over? 1.2000 0.05156 80 66 12 2
2423 I just think the term 'human pyramid' ignores the possibilities. 1.2000 0.04522 120 101 14 5
2424 So?!? What do you think?? Do you think it’s good enough to take on the road?! 1.2000 0.05369 75 62 11 2
2425 The town musicians of Bremen 1.2000 0.05737 80 68 8 4
2426 Yes I do think I am sponge worthy. 1.1982 0.04582 111 93 14 4
2427 Ridin’ high is the cat’s meow 1.1981 0.04724 106 89 13 4
2428 Turduckin? Hah! 1.1980 0.04671 101 84 14 3
2429 ok fine we can try for a baby 1.1980 0.04879 101 85 12 4
2430 Are you more impressed this way, or with the fish on the bottom? 1.1979 0.04826 96 80 13 3
2431 Do we look like the Bremen Town Musicians? 1.1979 0.04593 96 79 15 2
2432 Please give me the bird. 1.1979 0.04826 96 80 13 3
2433 YOU need to relax? You don't realize what a balancing act being a house husband is. 1.1979 0.04348 96 78 17 1
2434 O.K., you've made your point. 1.1979 0.05048 96 81 11 4
2435 Okay, now you get under the dog. 1.1978 0.05463 91 78 8 5
2436 Honey, please…woof, meow, blurb! 1.1978 0.04745 91 75 14 2
2437 The good news is I got the monkey off my back. 1.1978 0.04996 91 76 12 3
2438 Please, please, do something with your hair, we can't take it anymore!!! 1.1978 0.05463 91 78 8 5
2439 We’re moving past downward dog. 1.1978 0.04996 91 76 12 3
2440 Now get the fern. 1.1978 0.04745 91 75 14 2
2441 Next time, I get the wine, and you get the edible. 1.1978 0.04480 91 74 16 1
2442 Is this really how you play Jenga? 1.1977 0.04625 86 70 15 1
2443 OK, OK, you win! Yes, I will go out to dinner with you! 1.1977 0.04912 86 71 13 2
2444 It's a pyramid scheme. Wanna play? 1.1977 0.05441 86 73 9 4
2445 Now roll over snd beg 1.1977 0.04912 86 71 13 2
2446 My eyes are down here! 1.1977 0.05183 86 72 11 3
2447 It's a delicate balance, isn't it? 1.1977 0.04912 86 71 13 2
2448 Now you can stop saying that I'm unbalanced. 1.1977 0.05183 86 72 11 3
2449 I may have fallen for another pyramid scheme. 1.1977 0.05183 86 72 11 3
2450 She’s into heavy petting. 1.1975 0.05392 81 68 10 3
2451 What are looking at? 1.1975 0.05671 81 69 8 4
2452 Are you feeling canine, feline, piscine or hominine? 1.1975 0.05098 81 67 12 2
2453 Is this balanced enough for our marriage? 1.1975 0.05098 81 67 12 2
2454 Oh come on....it took us months to perfect this one....nothing? 1.1975 0.05671 81 69 8 4
2455 Now do you see my animal magnetism? 1.1975 0.05098 81 67 12 2
2456 Now can I have the remote? 1.1975 0.05098 81 67 12 2
2457 I could add a canary, but only if you're willing to commit. 1.1975 0.04451 81 65 16 0
2458 Hey. Woof. Meow. Splash. 1.1975 0.05671 81 69 8 4
2459 Our stubborn parakeet hates getting his feet wet. 1.1975 0.05098 81 67 12 2
2460 Darryl, you're really gonna be in the dog house for this! 1.1975 0.05937 81 70 6 5
2461 Honey, what tiktok trend is this one?! 1.1975 0.05671 81 69 8 4
2462 Will you miss us when we go on tour? 1.1974 0.04963 76 62 13 1
2463 I’m still not doing anal. 1.1974 0.05929 76 65 7 4
2464 Yes! This is for TikTok! What tune should I use? 1.1974 0.05626 76 64 9 3
2465 Maybe we should just let them back on the couch. 1.1974 0.06218 76 66 5 5
2466 The odds of our agreeing to another one of your pet projects is obviously stacked against you. 1.1974 0.05929 76 65 7 4
2467 We're still not getting a hamster. 1.1974 0.04963 76 62 13 1
2468 Okay, so show us your pussy now. 1.1974 0.05305 76 63 11 2
2469 Not tonight Claremont… I’ve got a blazer of a headache… 1.1974 0.05626 76 64 9 3
2470 I jus 1.1974 0.05929 76 65 7 4
2471 I know you said no amount of begging would do, but can we watch Animal Kingdom tonight? 1.1974 0.05929 76 65 7 4
2472 I take it from this that you couldn't find the Jenga.... 1.1974 0.05305 76 63 11 2
2473 These are my recruits for your pyramid scheme 1.1974 0.05305 76 63 11 2
2474 We're your family and we love you, but this is an intervention. 1.1972 0.06222 71 61 6 4
2475 The least you can do is clap. 1.1972 0.05161 71 58 12 1
2476 Can we please, please come on the couch? 1.1972 0.06222 71 61 6 4
2477 America’s Got Talent – Pandemic version! 1.1972 0.05161 71 58 12 1
2478 They all pitched in to help me find my contact lens. 1.1970 0.06190 66 56 7 3
2479 And now I gallup through a ring of fire? 1.1970 0.05802 66 55 9 2
2480 It’s okay. I know you have a lot in your shoulders. 1.1970 0.06190 66 56 7 3
2481 And for my next trick, I will actually fill your glass. 1.1961 0.05031 102 87 10 5
2482 Can I have dinner now? 1.1961 0.05221 102 88 8 6
2483 Now, try to balance the wine glass. 1.1961 0.04835 102 86 12 4
2484 Please Prepare Dinner 1.1961 0.05221 102 88 8 6
2485 Our Sub-Committee agrees, you are the Leader of the House. 1.1961 0.04415 102 84 16 2
2486 Let's go through this again. You say a man has to get a fox, a chicken, and a sack of corn across a river? 1.1961 0.05031 102 87 10 5
2487 None of that suffices to apologize for overturn of Roe. 1.1959 0.04308 97 79 17 1
2488 I felt better having a monkey on my back. 1.1959 0.05000 97 82 11 4
2489 You could help! 1.1959 0.05000 97 82 11 4
2490 Ringling's is changing their format. 1.1959 0.04550 97 80 15 2
2491 You think the work, life balance is tough Suzanna?! 1.1959 0.04550 97 80 15 2
2492 Can't we all just get along? 1.1959 0.05210 97 83 9 5
2493 I’m supportive 1.1959 0.04550 97 80 15 2
2494 It’s even more impressive when we do it on water skis. 1.1957 0.04437 92 75 16 1
2495 You're maskless!?! 1.1957 0.05182 92 78 10 4
2496 Can self esteem be measured with negative numbers? 1.1957 0.04946 92 77 12 3
2497 beyond deconstruction 1.1957 0.04437 92 75 16 1
2498 We've all discussed it. It's time for your vacation from your smartphone to end. 1.1957 0.05407 92 79 8 5
2499 I'm ready for our five-some. 1.1957 0.05832 92 81 4 7
2500 Book. Five words. How did you not get “On the Origin of Species”? 1.1957 0.04946 92 77 12 3
2501 I told you we wouldn’t need that Netflix subscription 1.1957 0.04946 92 77 12 3
2502 See honey! There's no room for a baby! 1.1954 0.04861 87 72 13 2
2503 Dear, it's feeding time for all of your pets. 1.1954 0.05128 87 73 11 3
2504 Can I have a drink too? 1.1954 0.04578 87 71 15 1
2505 It was Douglas Adams' idea 1.1954 0.05383 87 74 9 4
2506 No, it's not the house hierarchy. 1.1954 0.04861 87 72 13 2
2507 Sup?! Woof. Meow! Spliiish Up?! 1.1954 0.05128 87 73 11 3
2508 Just this once, I actually want you to get ON my back. 1.1954 0.05383 87 74 9 4
2509 Oh honey, you could’ve just asked if you wanted to be on the bottom 1.1954 0.05626 87 75 7 5
2510 You were right! Without the monkey on my back life IS much more manageable! 1.1954 0.04578 87 71 15 1
2511 I don’t care if you forgot to set up the camera, I’m not getting up. 1.1954 0.04861 87 72 13 2
2512 Nah! Perspective is off 1.1954 0.05128 87 73 11 3
2513 I’ve got a lot going on, but sure I can get you some more wine. 1.1951 0.05041 82 68 12 2
2514 It's the hierarchy of needs! 1.1951 0.05331 82 69 10 3
2515 Sorry, we couldn't balance the ant farm! 1.1951 0.05041 82 68 12 2
2516 But imagine we're also wearing a trench coat. 1.1951 0.05331 82 69 10 3
2517 How in the world did the fish get up there? 1.1951 0.06120 82 72 4 6
2518 And now for my next trick. 1.1951 0.05607 82 70 8 4
2519 Pretty please with fishy on top! 1.1951 0.04733 82 67 14 1
2520 Not what she meant by "find inner peace and balance." 1.1951 0.05041 82 68 12 2
2521 What kinda crazy pyramid scheme is this? 1.1951 0.05331 82 69 10 3
2522 So now, can we have fish food, sardines, Alpo, and sex, in that order? 1.1951 0.05607 82 70 8 4
2523 I think this whole work from home thing has run its course 1.1951 0.05331 82 69 10 3
2524 It’s the leaning tower of pet-sa. 1.1951 0.05041 82 68 12 2
2525 Still think I can’t multitask? 1.1948 0.05242 77 64 11 2
2526 The internet's out, we had to do something. 1.1948 0.05558 77 65 9 3
2527 Remind me, does the pecking order start at the top or at the bottom of the pile? 1.1948 0.04543 77 62 15 0
2528 stacks of love 1.1948 0.05558 77 65 9 3
2529 We just love pet school" 1.1948 0.05558 77 65 9 3
2530 Don't tell me I haven't evolved. 1.1948 0.04905 77 63 13 1
2531 And they say we don't have fun. 1.1948 0.05242 77 64 11 2
2532 Shh... if we keep very still, she might not notice. 1.1948 0.05242 77 64 11 2
2533 Have you found my contact lens yet? I can’t see a thing with out it. 1.1947 0.04508 113 95 14 4
2534 They want to go to Bremen Town. Come with? 1.1947 0.04680 113 96 12 5
2535 My therapist is weaning me off the monkey. 1.1944 0.05814 72 61 8 3
2536 Now stand? 1.1944 0.05814 72 61 8 3
2537 Gimme a K Gimme an E Gimme a P Keep us, keep us, keep us 1.1944 0.05467 72 60 10 2
2538 This is the strangest first date I’ve ever been on. So you say you’re an influencer? 1.1944 0.04826 108 92 11 5
2539 I wanna be sedated! 1.1944 0.05467 72 60 10 2
2540 They know you're not playing, dear! 1.1944 0.06141 72 62 6 4
2541 What do you mean, where's the parakeet? 1.1944 0.05814 72 61 8 3
2542 Before the flat earth theory ancient people believed the earth was a fishbowl, suspended on the back of a cat, supported on the back of a dog, all resting on the back of a man 1.1944 0.05467 72 60 10 2
2543 Have you seen my keys? 1.1944 0.05814 72 61 8 3
2544 I see your standing desk is very good for your posture 1.1944 0.04697 72 58 14 0
2545 Still depressed? 1.1942 0.04376 103 85 16 2
2546 I call this the Leaning Tower of Pet-za. 1.1942 0.04588 103 86 14 3
2547 I've told you before, Alec, that acts of yours is my pet peeve." 1.1942 0.04986 103 88 10 5
2548 5 if you count the ant I am standing on 1.1942 0.04588 103 86 14 3
2549 We bow to you and serve you, oh gracious Queen of our Queendom. 1.1940 0.05722 67 56 9 2
2550 Well, you were the one who said that I am always on top. 1.1940 0.05722 67 56 9 2
2551 You really need me to refill your wine? 1.1939 0.04953 98 83 11 4
2552 It's either this, or we renew our Netflix subscription. 1.1939 0.04953 98 83 11 4
2553 We’re practicing tricks to combat boredom for the next pandemic 1.1939 0.04953 98 83 11 4
2554 Every tower needs a strong foundation 1.1939 0.04735 98 82 13 3
2555 When did you change your mind about reality tv? 1.1939 0.05361 98 85 7 6
2556 In retrospect, maybe we should have had kids... 1.1935 0.04394 93 76 16 1
2557 Can the baby come out and play? 1.1935 0.04897 93 78 12 3
2558 Seen the cat in the hat? 1.1935 0.04897 93 78 12 3
2559 Honey, would you get the door? 1.1935 0.04652 93 77 14 2
2560 We remember what you did last summer. 1.1935 0.04897 93 78 12 3
2561 We’re leaving ! 1.1935 0.05130 93 79 10 4
2562 You do the cooking. The pets are on me. 1.1935 0.04652 93 77 14 2
2563 A woman's pyramid of priorities 1.1935 0.04652 93 77 14 2
2564 Explain again what the therapist said about codependency. 1.1935 0.04897 93 78 12 3
2565 At least I haven't got a monkey on my back. 1.1935 0.05557 62 51 10 1
2566 All this, and the checkbook too? 1.1935 0.04897 93 78 12 3
2567 I am begining to think I am the victim of a pyramid scheme. 1.1935 0.04394 93 76 16 1
2568 So … what do you think about this for the ‘grand finale’? 1.1935 0.04652 93 77 14 2
2569 we’re looking for my contact lens. 1.1935 0.06014 62 52 8 2
2570 The Heirarchy 1.1935 0.04897 93 78 12 3
2571 But what did your old cheer squad do from here, honey? 1.1935 0.04897 93 78 12 3
2572 Hierarchy is for the patriarchy. Do we have more wine? 1.1935 0.04897 93 78 12 3
2573 I don't care that it's your "me" time. Just take the damn picture! 1.1933 0.04815 119 103 9 7
2574 Now can we have dinner? 1.1932 0.04810 88 73 13 2
2575 No,still not quite tall enough 1.1932 0.04810 88 73 13 2
2576 Darling, you're drunk. I'm calling you from out of town. 1.1932 0.04531 88 72 15 1
2577 We propose you join our group. Marriage is optional 1.1932 0.05075 88 74 11 3
2578 Dr. Solomon told me to start leading a balanced life 1.1932 0.05566 88 76 7 5
2579 I distinctly remember a time when 'rolling over' was plenty impressive 1.1932 0.04810 88 73 13 2
2580 Am I supposed to be impressed? 1.1932 0.04531 88 72 15 1
2581 Listen guys, I just wanna get drunk, not watch you get high. 1.1932 0.05075 88 74 11 3
2582 We’re NOT begging! 1.1932 0.05566 88 76 7 5
2583 We’re the Aristocats. 1.1932 0.04233 88 71 17 0
2584 Well, what are you waiting for? 1.1932 0.05326 88 75 9 4
2585 I'll see you in divorce court 1.1932 0.05566 88 76 7 5
2586 A fish is a cat is a dog is a man. 1.1932 0.05075 88 74 11 3
2587 Is there something on my back? 1.1932 0.04810 88 73 13 2
2588 OK, I'm ready for the horse. 1.1928 0.04681 83 68 14 1
2589 Have you seen the buffalo? 1.1928 0.05272 83 70 10 3
2590 Pardon me, ma'am. Do you know the way to Bremen? 1.1928 0.05272 83 70 10 3
2591 Maybe we should restart Netflix. 1.1928 0.05272 83 70 10 3
2592 You said, ‘this day should be memorable!’” 1.1928 0.05544 83 71 8 4
2593 Now that the Guppy and I see eye to eye, we will commence with rock, paper, scissors to see who will control the TV remote tonight. Paul, you must play with your right hand. 1.1928 0.05544 83 71 8 4
2594 Starting now, the plants are on you, the pets are on me. 1.1928 0.05272 83 70 10 3
2595 Okay, I’ll go get the leashes and we’ll go for a walk. 1.1928 0.05272 83 70 10 3
2596 The doctor said this is the best way to help my back 1.1928 0.04985 83 69 12 2
2597 - the lengths Roger will go to, to avoid the “having kids” discussion. 1.1928 0.04681 83 68 14 1
2598 If I can get this act on America's Got Talent we'll finally be able to buy that Tesla without having to make payments we can't afford! 1.1927 0.04219 109 90 17 2
2599 What do you mean you’re surprised at my use of the 10,000 hours? 1.1923 0.05180 78 65 11 2
2600 See, I really do love your pets. Can we eat now? 1.1923 0.05180 78 65 11 2
2601 Please tell me that you don't want to hop on. 1.1923 0.05180 78 65 11 2
2602 OMG the only missing animal is YOU on my back 1.1923 0.04848 78 64 13 1
2603 Honey, will this reduce our carbon footprint? 1.1923 0.05492 78 66 9 3
2604 I think one of us has had one too many. 1.1923 0.06068 78 68 5 5
2605 Yes ma’am, may I have another? 1.1923 0.05180 78 65 11 2
2606 Just another pyramid scheme 1.1923 0.05180 78 65 11 2
2607 This is supposed to be a team event, Nancy. 1.1923 0.05180 78 65 11 2
2608 It started as a TikTok stunt, but it's become a passion. 1.1923 0.04548 104 87 14 3
2609 "What are you thinking about Maslow's hierarchy needs?". 1.1923 0.05492 78 66 9 3
2610 Still not exactly illustrating my priorities darling, but getting there! 1.1923 0.05180 78 65 11 2
2611 My work/life balance needs work. 1.1923 0.05492 78 66 9 3
2612 Coincidentally I also have several pet peeves I’d like to get off my chest. 1.1923 0.05180 78 65 11 2
2613 Honey,I think it is time for me to go to Al Anon. 1.1923 0.05492 78 66 9 3
2614 I finally get that monkey off my back and then they jumped on. 1.1923 0.05787 78 67 7 4
2615 My goat yoga instructor said he has no interest in expanding. 1.1923 0.04848 78 64 13 1
2616 Can you believe there are people who would call us ‘childless?’ 1.1923 0.05127 104 90 8 6
2617 The damn fish has no sense of balance. 1.1918 0.05033 73 60 12 1
2618 And next,Downward Dog 1.1918 0.05398 73 61 10 2
2619 Now can we get a canary? 1.1918 0.05033 73 60 12 1
2620 When I told you to beg for it, this is not what I had in mind. 1.1918 0.05398 73 61 10 2
2621 It's amazing the things you can accomplish when you limit being on social media. 1.1918 0.05398 73 61 10 2
2622 Look what I can do” 1.1918 0.05398 73 61 10 2
2623 Ah, the food pyramid. 1.1915 0.04849 94 79 12 3
2624 Am I still number four? 1.1915 0.05079 94 80 10 4
2625 So, this is why you should be on all fours and under me. 1.1915 0.04849 94 79 12 3
2626 Whaddaya mean, you don't get it? It's a Pandemic Pet Pyramid, PPP for short. 1.1915 0.04849 94 79 12 3
2627 C’mon! Join us. You can handle the four of us 1.1915 0.04849 94 79 12 3
2628 See, we don't need Netflix! 1.1915 0.05079 94 80 10 4
2629 Well, if this isn't the ultimate pyramid scheme! 1.1915 0.05079 94 80 10 4
2630 You should join our yoga club. 1.1915 0.05079 94 80 10 4
2631 Your need for safe live entertainment has gone to the extreme." 1.1915 0.04849 94 79 12 3
2632 Oh and did you remember to make dinner reservations? 1.1915 0.04607 94 78 14 2
2633 Is there going to be dinner tonight? 1.1913 0.04435 115 97 14 4
2634 I'm training for the Ringling Brother's return 1.1912 0.05241 68 56 11 1
2635 I’m pretty sure we can go viral with this… quick! where’s your phone! 1.1912 0.06375 68 59 5 4
2636 Are they still doing "Stupid Pet Tricks" on the Late Show? 1.1912 0.05644 68 57 9 2
2637 So how are things stacking up now? 1.1912 0.05241 68 56 11 1
2638 It's a new trend on TikTok 1.1910 0.04761 89 74 13 2
2639 now can w?e have supper 1.1910 0.04761 89 74 13 2
2640 We’re ready for you now. 1.1910 0.05022 89 75 11 3
2641 It's called the balance of nature. 1.1910 0.05270 89 76 9 4
2642 Very nice sweetheart, but the fish isn’t balancing, it’s floating. 1.1910 0.04190 89 72 17 0
2643 Do I remind you of li hongzhi? 1.1910 0.05022 89 75 11 3
2644 Hurry up, the cat is hungry! 1.1910 0.04761 89 74 13 2
2645 It is more animal friendly than a turducken. 1.1910 0.05022 89 75 11 3
2646 Food Chain”…Get it now 1.1910 0.04761 89 74 13 2
2647 Now you try it. 1.1910 0.05270 89 76 9 4
2648 This is part of my diversity training. 1.1910 0.05022 89 75 11 3
2649 But we cant open the tin. 1.1910 0.05270 89 76 9 4
2650 Barnum and Bailey likes our act. 1.1909 0.04565 110 93 13 4
2651 We’re all sorry for being idiots and that goes double for the fish who actually started the food fight. 1.1905 0.05214 84 71 10 3
2652 And yet, you can't balance the checkbook 1.1905 0.05482 84 72 8 4
2653 You were the one who didn't want children! 1.1905 0.04931 84 70 12 2
2654 We need more pets. 1.1905 0.04931 84 70 12 2
2655 Remind me again why you don't want to have kids? 1.1905 0.04931 84 70 12 2
2656 And we call ourselves The Astricrats! 1.1905 0.05738 84 73 6 5
2657 I better stick with the down dog position. 1.1905 0.04631 84 69 14 1
2658 I offered the bird top billing. He says his agent will call. 1.1905 0.04931 84 70 12 2
2659 I was just looking for my cuff link. I hate it when stuff like this happens to me! 1.1905 0.04931 84 70 12 2
2660 Leaning tower to please her 1.1905 0.05738 84 73 6 5
2661 we all bow to you 1.1905 0.04707 105 89 12 4
2662 I wonder who the top dog is in this household 1.1905 0.05214 84 71 10 3
2663 You’re not helping. 1.1905 0.05925 63 53 8 2
2664 So you’re saying we should just feed ourselves? 1.1905 0.05482 84 72 8 4
2665 No, you can't run away with the circus. Ringling doesn't have animal actts, remember. 1.1900 0.04426 100 83 15 2
2666 It's petrifying. 1.1899 0.05428 79 67 9 3
2667 That is just great, but have you balanced the checkbook? 1.1899 0.04792 79 65 13 1
2668 human centipede meets inflation 1.1899 0.05428 79 67 9 3
2669 I think it could become more popular than goat yoga. 1.1899 0.05120 79 66 11 2
2670 I don't know what else to do, Alice!#? 1.1899 0.05120 79 66 11 2
2671 The Aristocrats. Why? 1.1899 0.04792 79 65 13 1
2672 Retiring from pet sitting will be a weight off my shoulders 1.1899 0.04792 79 65 13 1
2673 How about this trick? 1.1899 0.05120 79 66 11 2
2674 Okay, your turn. 1.1899 0.05719 79 68 7 4
2675 Harold, I think you’re a bit too old for these TikTok challenges 1.1899 0.05120 79 66 11 2
2676 How can the judges on America's Got Talent resist? 1.1895 0.04802 95 80 12 3
2677 Are you sure it was a mouse? 1.1895 0.05030 95 81 10 4
2678 Maybe it’s time to return to the office? 1.1892 0.04971 74 61 12 1
2679 In Jimmy's life, wine makes you do crazy things. Not love. 1.1892 0.05667 74 63 8 3
2680 We want you to be proud. 1.1892 0.05667 74 63 8 3
2681 What do you mean I'm high maintenance? 1.1892 0.05985 74 64 6 4
2682 I decided how to solve our financial problems. 1.1892 0.05667 74 63 8 3
2683 Okay; I went along with it. Could you please unstack us now. 1.1892 0.05331 74 62 10 2
2684 Get me a hoop, quick! 1.1889 0.04970 90 76 11 3
2685 CAN YOU HEAR US NOW? 1.1889 0.05216 90 77 9 4
2686 Fuck Ted Cruz." 1.1889 0.04970 90 76 11 3
2687 There's a little bit more to being a househusband than this, Dear. 1.1889 0.04713 90 75 13 2
2688 Goldfish lost a contact lens. 1.1889 0.05216 90 77 9 4
2689 No, this is not a predator pyramid. 1.1889 0.04970 90 76 11 3
2690 Oh, for god's sake, just get a coffee table. 1.1889 0.04970 90 76 11 3
2691 Oh, you know, same-old same-old. How was YOUR day? 1.1889 0.04440 90 74 15 1
2692 But we can relive your cheerleading days at home. 1.1889 0.04713 90 75 13 2
2693 You up for some Jenga? 1.1887 0.04665 106 90 12 4
2694 I'll snap a photo after I finish the wine and/or the movie. 1.1887 0.04665 106 90 12 4
2695 We have an opening for the position between me, and the dog? 1.1884 0.05569 69 58 9 2
2696 Yep, we all came crawling back to you. 1.1884 0.05569 69 58 9 2
2697 I knew we were missing somebody. I just felt it. Have you seen "Chirpy"? 1.1884 0.05569 69 58 9 2
2698 Do we get our treats now? 1.1884 0.05569 69 58 9 2
2699 No! No way! I draw the line at the leash! 1.1884 0.05569 69 58 9 2
2700 We present our family-friendly version of 'The Aristocrats. 1.1884 0.05939 69 59 7 3
2701 Ok, I think you’re starting to understanding what being a mom feels like 1.1884 0.05569 69 58 9 2
2702 I'm sorry I took your caretaking for granted. 1.1884 0.05569 69 58 9 2
2703 With the right buzzword, I think I could sell this as a transferable skill. 1.1884 0.05569 69 58 9 2
2704 The next tier of the pyramid was meant to be my flea circus but the goldfish ate them. 1.1882 0.04878 85 71 12 2
2705 Google says it's a cure for bulging eye syndrome. 1.1882 0.05422 85 73 8 4
2706 Okay okay. Now you get on top of the fish 1.1882 0.05422 85 73 8 4
2707 Now will you let me on the couch? 1.1882 0.04582 85 70 14 1
2708 Now I think we’re ready for YouTube. 1.1882 0.04878 85 71 12 2
2709 As you can see, it is NOT turtles all the way down. 1.1882 0.05157 85 72 10 3
2710 I draw the line at lifting our legs. 1.1882 0.04878 85 71 12 2
2711 I just wanted you to know that I know where my place is. 1.1881 0.05017 101 87 9 5
2712 Tryouts are tomorrow. What do you think? 1.1881 0.04606 101 85 13 3
2713 No! That’s not what I meant when I said to take care of the pets! 1.1875 0.04738 80 66 13 1
2714 She liked to consider Maslow's Hierarchy of Need after a few glasses of wine. 1.1875 0.04738 80 66 13 1
2715 Wait till Americas Got Talent see's this. 1.1875 0.04738 80 66 13 1
2716 No, you're thinking of turtles. 1.1875 0.05925 80 70 5 5
2717 Foreplay? I thought you said "Get on the floor and play"... the pets were just staring at us. 1.1875 0.05652 80 69 7 4
2718 Just give us the olive and we'll let you go. 1.1875 0.05652 80 69 7 4
2719 Quick. Video me. There's big cat video prize money at stake here. 1.1875 0.05364 80 68 9 3
2720 I'm thinking a million TikTok views at least 1.1875 0.05061 80 67 11 2
2721 Chose your level of commitment? 1.1875 0.04756 96 81 12 3
2722 It must be my animal magnetism.” 1.1875 0.05061 80 67 11 2
2723 We're not cancelling Netflix. 1.1875 0.05398 64 53 10 1
2724 Bob, what don’t you get about the floor is lava? 1.1875 0.05061 80 67 11 2
2725 Now give "cat cow" a try and see what happens... 1.1875 0.05061 80 67 11 2
2726 Is this the foreplay or the sex? 1.1875 0.04738 80 66 13 1
2727 and I thought it was tricky having a monkey on my back 1.1875 0.05398 64 53 10 1
2728 I couldn't get the hang of juggling, so I thought I'd give this a go. 1.1875 0.05364 80 68 9 3
2729 From here it’s turtles all the way down 1.1875 0.05364 80 68 9 3
2730 But we'll look like an adult fish in a trench coat 1.1875 0.05364 80 68 9 3
2731 To your right honey is a very small gerbil on a tiny diving board… 1.1868 0.05162 91 78 9 4
2732 Cirque du Soleil is VERY interested! 1.1868 0.04396 91 75 15 1
2733 We are out of here! 1.1868 0.04665 91 76 13 2
2734 Is this your take on Yertle the Turtle? 1.1868 0.05162 91 78 9 4
2735 Monica: “This is Navarro Cheer. Point those toes!” 1.1868 0.04920 91 77 11 3
2736 I don’t see how this will save our marriage 1.1868 0.04665 91 76 13 2
2737 For the last time,there is no need to spend money on a pet sitter. 1.1867 0.05597 75 64 8 3
2738 Okay, okay, but get your leases first! 1.1867 0.06208 75 66 4 5
2739 I think we're ready for Late Night TV. 1.1867 0.05265 75 63 10 2
2740 Is it just me, or is this not enough to impress you? 1.1867 0.05597 75 64 8 3
2741 OK, but don't spill the fish! 1.1867 0.05910 75 65 6 4
2742 'The Musicians of Bremen,' Sharon! It's Charades, not 20 Questions! 1.1867 0.05910 75 65 6 4
2743 Stupid pet trick went off the air with Letterman. 1.1863 0.04772 102 87 11 4
2744 See! We can't have a kid! Our symmetry's already perfect! 1.1863 0.04971 102 88 9 5
2745 We figured out the dominance hierarchy. 1.1860 0.05101 86 73 10 3
2746 I'm not falling for that trick again! 1.1860 0.05363 86 74 8 4
2747 Please dear. We beg you. Feed us! 1.1860 0.04533 86 71 14 1
2748 " The fish had no part in it at all and should be allowed to stay" 1.1860 0.05101 86 73 10 3
2749 There's still half a bottle to go and you've already started with this. 1.1860 0.04826 86 72 12 2
2750 Please, please, please, give me some of your wine! 1.1857 0.05860 70 60 7 3
2751 Darling. You cannot forget Polly! 1.1857 0.04682 70 57 13 0
2752 I can't move..please move the fish! 1.1856 0.04933 97 83 10 4
2753 O.K Now stand on my head. 1.1856 0.04933 97 83 10 4
2754 I use them for added weight, when I do planks. 1.1856 0.04230 97 80 16 1
2755 If will work if you grab me by my nose and yank really hard . . . 1.1856 0.04933 97 83 10 4
2756 See dear, this is one way to balance our family activities. 1.1856 0.04476 97 81 14 2
2757 How balanced does that wine seem now? 1.1856 0.04933 97 83 10 4
2758 Yes, I know that it's not Cirque du Soleil. 1.1856 0.04230 97 80 16 1
2759 Get away from my new carpet! 1.1856 0.04710 97 82 12 3
2760 Cirque Du Sofa 1.1856 0.04476 97 81 14 2
2761 I am about to ask you to do something you may think is kinky. 1.1856 0.03968 97 79 18 0
2762 I’m not THAT interesting. 1.1856 0.04476 97 81 14 2
2763 No, no, no, honey. It's NOT a pyramid scheme. 1.1856 0.05146 97 84 8 5
2764 Yes, Phil. Now say moo. 1.1856 0.04933 97 83 10 4
2765 The family was wondering what’s for dinner? 1.1856 0.04933 97 83 10 4
2766 Don’t worry babe I used Gorilla Glue 1.1856 0.04933 97 83 10 4
2767 I read them 'The Town Musicians of Bremen' and got the donkey's slot. 1.1852 0.05303 81 69 9 3
2768 But think of all the money we're saving on a Netflix subscription! 1.1852 0.04191 108 90 16 2
2769 No, we can't get a pony. 1.1852 0.05003 81 68 11 2
2770 I can balance the checkbook but not this. 1.1852 0.05586 81 70 7 4
2771 Can we get dinner now? 1.1852 0.05003 81 68 11 2
2772 The famous joke .We Are The Aristocrats 1.1852 0.05303 81 69 9 3
2773 Do you think we're ready to take it on the road? 1.1852 0.05003 81 68 11 2
2774 Where's the pig? 1.1852 0.04585 108 92 12 4
2775 This is not how the dating game is played! 1.1852 0.05003 81 68 11 2
2776 Can I offer you something well-structured,with an even balance and a tannic bite? 1.1852 0.04685 81 67 13 1
2777 Game night got out of hand in the last two years, hasn`t it? 1.1852 0.04685 81 67 13 1
2778 There is also room for another nightingale bird that serenades 1.1848 0.05110 92 79 9 4
2779 Hon, I really think I should get a pony. 1.1848 0.04619 92 77 13 2
2780 Sure, but no Yertling. 1.1848 0.04870 92 78 11 3
2781 Don’t be ridiculous , your goldfish is perfectly safe 1.1848 0.04619 92 77 13 2
2782 These Tik Tok challenges are getting crazy! 1.1848 0.04619 92 77 13 2
2783 We’ve all talked about it, and we apologise for our poor behaviour. 1.1848 0.04619 92 77 13 2
2784 Quick! Call TikTok!! 1.1848 0.04870 92 78 11 3
2785 Hun, I keep telling them to get off my back already! 1.1848 0.04619 92 77 13 2
2786 Now that we've followed your orders may we have dinner? 1.1848 0.05338 92 80 7 5
2787 At least there's not a monkey on your back. 1.1848 0.04619 92 77 13 2
2788 We are leaving you to go join the circus 1.1848 0.04870 92 78 11 3
2789 I think you'd fit between the dog and me. 1.1848 0.04619 92 77 13 2
2790 Perhaps THESE will refresh your memory! 1.1848 0.04619 92 77 13 2
2791 Linda, do you think you could have an annual day off instead of monthly? 1.1848 0.05110 92 79 9 4
2792 Go ahead and put dinner on me tonight" 1.1848 0.04619 92 77 13 2
2793 Don't give the fish that much credit. 1.1846 0.04850 65 53 12