Contest #786 Summary

Name	Value
Submission deadline	2022-01-02T17:32:00.000Z
Voting started	-
Voting ended	2022-01-23T17:33:00.000Z
Finalists announced	2022-01-17T17:33:00.000Z
Magazine(s) announcing finalists issued	January 24, 2022
Number of captions	7860
Number of responses	1076445
Number of participants	-

Rank	Caption	Mean	Precision	Total votes	"Unfunny" votes	"Somewhat funny" votes	"Funny" votes
0	This is the homework your son alleges my client ate.	1.9072	0.01141	4981	1866	1711	1404
1	And finally, an option to extend his leash.	1.9008	0.01159	4607	1676	1712	1219
2	...and you understand, that while this is one year contract for you, it's a seven year contract for him.	1.8847	0.01134	4909	1864	1747	1298
3	My client is willing to play ball if you are.	1.8833	0.01342	3272	1177	1300	795
4	He says you can keep the cat.	1.8759	0.01198	4511	1775	1521	1215
5	It's not enough just to say he's a good boy. He wants it in writing.	1.8753	0.01378	3175	1180	1211	784
6	My client says that the bacon on the counter was left unattended. We call that 'entrapment'.	1.8736	0.01293	3672	1389	1358	925
7	He'll negotiate, but he won't beg.	1.8735	0.00961	6346	2317	2517	1512
8	My client is prepared to walk.	1.8603	0.00926	7163	2781	2607	1775
9	My client would like to remind you that he is legally entitled to anything that falls on the floor.	1.8587	0.01201	4111	1550	1592	969
10	Just so you know, he’s prepared to walk.	1.8542	0.01091	5081	1960	1902	1219
11	And what value would you place on your testicles, Mr. Flanagan?	1.8518	0.01109	5721	2509	1555	1657
12	The ball is in your court Mr. Smith, and frankly my client would like you to throw it back.	1.8514	0.01123	4824	1885	1775	1164
13	I'm guessing you thought he'd just roll over?	1.8502	0.01137	4633	1792	1746	1095
14	My client is not just going to roll over.	1.8488	0.01037	5515	2119	2114	1282
15	It's simple really. He's had his shots. He wants you to get yours.	1.8449	0.01055	5996	2543	1842	1611
16	You can make this all go away if you just tell him where you hid the ball.	1.8445	0.01261	3980	1617	1365	998
17	All my client's asking is that you play ball.	1.8394	0.01179	4190	1611	1641	938
18	Ultimately you just rub him the wrong way.	1.8368	0.01394	3058	1199	1159	700
19	Sign now or we W-A-L-K.	1.8360	0.01303	3597	1441	1305	851
20	Turns out he was not your best friend	1.8332	0.01144	4675	1884	1687	1104
21	Cheap kibble, one short walk a day and getting his balls cut off, if this goes to court, who do you think the jury will side with?	1.8292	0.01183	4918	2192	1379	1347
22	Sir, even I can smell the other dog on you.	1.8280	0.01155	4802	2021	1586	1195
23	Remember...he knows where the bones are buried.	1.8273	0.01353	3225	1278	1226	721
24	My client claims that you repeatedly pretend to throw the ball,but never do. Is this true?	1.8269	0.01183	4258	1700	1595	963
25	Considering the nature of the injury you caused, my client feels it’s only reasonable that you be neutered as well.	1.8264	0.01419	3289	1429	1004	856
26	You've stated my client is a "good boy." He wants that in writing.	1.8247	0.01429	2858	1128	1103	627
27	I'd like to thank you for sitting down, staying, and coming when called today.	1.8218	0.01499	2598	1031	999	568
28	She says you knew she was a bitch when you married her.	1.8215	0.01333	3973	1819	1044	1110
29	He wants the doghouse in the Hamptons.	1.8188	0.01425	3063	1280	1058	725
30	I'd advise you to sign. He knows where the bones are buried.	1.8181	0.01065	5338	2190	1929	1219
31	This says that Buddy will retain ownership of everything buried in the yard.	1.8148	0.01465	2732	1101	1036	595
32	Consider this him throwing you a bone.	1.8133	0.02047	1323	513	544	266
33	He wants you to beg.	1.8130	0.01170	4465	1860	1580	1025
34	My client wants to play ball.	1.8105	0.00975	6157	2499	2328	1330
35	My clients says you can keep the cat if he can have your slippers.	1.8100	0.02680	800	320	312	168
36	And here is a picture of you petting that beagle in the park.	1.8037	0.01221	4090	1732	1433	925
37	He wants out.	1.8020	0.01143	4590	1920	1659	1011
38	My client can't sign this.	1.8017	0.01410	3122	1340	1061	721
39	You realize this first meeting is just to sniff each other out.	1.8012	0.01514	2550	1051	956	543
40	Three daily walks and a belly rub. It's his final offer.	1.8005	0.01173	4161	1688	1615	858
41	We believe your use of the term "fix" constitutes false advertising.	1.7997	0.01192	4448	1941	1457	1050
42	My client wants out.	1.7996	0.00972	6651	2896	2196	1559
43	My client believes he's entitled to everything he's urinated on.	1.7975	0.01462	3076	1386	927	763
44	I’ll admit, our ears perked up when we heard your offer.	1.7844	0.02247	1067	427	443	197
45	He's issued a stay.	1.7842	0.01267	3605	1519	1346	740
46	She says if you wanted to keep the house, you should've thought about that before sleeping with the cat.	1.7806	0.01831	1937	888	586	463
47	Don't make my client beg.	1.7651	0.01449	2674	1146	1014	514
48	My client was hired as a service dog but was only used as a chick magnet.	1.7500	0.01429	3060	1437	953	670
49	Here's a list of his pet peeves.	1.7462	0.01437	2991	1399	952	640
50	My client is demanding that YOU roll over.	1.7237	0.01733	1911	885	669	357
51	My client isn't going to simply roll over	1.7232	0.01729	1947	926	641	380
52	My client feels you kept her on too tight a leash.	1.7229	0.01748	1700	742	687	271
53	We will not roll over and we will not beg.	1.7221	0.01749	1846	854	653	339
54	Sit we can do. Stay, that's going to cost you.	1.7129	0.01874	1599	751	559	289
55	My client claims you only pretended to throw the ball.	1.7104	0.01917	1540	726	536	278
56	My client will not just roll over	1.7085	0.01997	1544	768	459	317
57	It’s this, or we W-A-L-K.	1.7071	0.01927	1632	816	484	332
58	We have photos of you with another dog.	1.7064	0.02066	1543	801	394	348
59	My client insists you stipulate that he is still “a good boy.”	1.7029	0.01964	1424	665	517	242
60	My client prefers a vasectomy.	1.7028	0.03030	636	308	209	119
61	You will not get my client to roll over.	1.6995	0.01959	1361	639	501	221
62	She agrees you can keep the car, as long as she gets to ride in it once a week with the window rolled down.	1.6994	0.02090	1221	564	460	197
63	He may be your best friend, but I am his lawyer.	1.6988	0.02059	1388	688	434	266
64	He agrees to come when he is called, but he will no longer speak unless he wants to.	1.6970	0.02037	1320	622	476	222
65	Only one of us is pro bono - the other is just pro bone.	1.6906	0.02159	1270	633	397	240
66	You should have thought of this before you had him neutered.	1.6902	0.02240	1149	564	377	208
67	Actually according to this injunction, YOU are a bad boy	1.6895	0.02194	1198	589	392	217
68	In regards to the division of assets, my client says that technically he did mark the entire territory.	1.6887	0.02237	1227	627	355	245
69	How can my client be sure that it really will be 'a routine visit to the vet'"	1.6885	0.02229	1159	570	380	209
70	Sir, my client is simply asking you to throw him a bone.	1.6882	0.02183	1206	595	393	218
71	My client can make this very messy for you.	1.6833	0.02236	1102	533	385	184
72	My client is willing to drop the lawsuit if you agree to pick it back up and throw it for him to fetch again.	1.6816	0.02360	1046	524	331	191
73	He still wants to be your best friend.	1.6814	0.02279	1017	482	377	158
74	My client won't just roll over, sir.	1.6814	0.02245	1086	525	382	179
75	She's claiming you whistled at her	1.6811	0.02349	1063	535	332	196
76	My client is not here to beg.	1.6788	0.02305	1018	491	363	164
77	No deal. He wants your Italian loafers too.	1.6783	0.03994	345	168	120	57
78	He's willing to bury this if you just play ball.	1.6755	0.02315	1023	520	323	180
79	This second copy is in case she eats one.	1.6742	0.02496	930	475	285	170
80	My client is prepared to settle, but only after turning around several times in his bed.	1.6699	0.02459	936	470	305	161
81	In return for providing the location of you car keys, the flash drive with your passwords, the mate for ten pairs of socks, Goldie would like scratching of each ear at least 15 times per day, a nicer blankey, treats on the hour and the cat removed.	1.6693	0.02549	889	452	279	158
82	You can keep the house. He just wants the ball back.	1.6693	0.02344	1025	521	326	178
83	He says he'd still like to remain friends, just not your best friend.	1.6674	0.02540	902	462	278	162
84	I strongly advise you to accept our settlement offer. My partner has dug up a lot of dirt on you.	1.6648	0.02493	886	442	299	145
85	They say every dog has one, and today is Max's.	1.6634	0.02586	805	400	277	128
86	I believe we need to decide, once and for all, "who rescued whom?"	1.6627	0.02594	833	421	272	140
87	My client has informed me that you have not been a good boy.	1.6611	0.02604	776	380	279	117
88	This is just the standard "Who's a Good Boy?" clause.	1.6586	0.02471	870	430	307	133
89	The final document establishes, unequivocally, who's a good boy.	1.6584	0.02651	846	445	245	156
90	My client claims that he was a good boy for the duration of the relationship.	1.6577	0.02615	815	414	266	135
91	This affidavit serves to affirm that my client is, in fact, a good boy.	1.6526	0.02673	760	384	256	120
92	My client is throwing you a huge bone. We think you should run with it.	1.6525	0.02602	777	386	275	116
93	You’re on record saying my client is a “good boy.”	1.6494	0.02520	830	418	287	125
94	He will agree to undergoing the procedure if you will as well	1.6467	0.03129	634	348	162	124
95	If you don't sign, he w-a-l-k-s.	1.6464	0.02834	724	386	209	129
96	Under the custody agreement, you will have your wife on weekends and alternate holidays while Fluffy will retain primary custody.	1.6444	0.02921	703	380	193	130
97	Technically, it's a cease and desist order, but my client prefers the terms "Sit" and "Stay."	1.6444	0.02868	717	384	204	129
98	There's overwhelming evidence that he did not eat your homework.	1.6436	0.02689	738	375	251	112
99	My client wishes to clarify the issue of " who rescued whom."	1.6436	0.02906	693	370	200	123
100	Just be a good boy and sign it.	1.6412	0.02787	694	356	231	107
101	My client is willing to give you full custody of the cat.	1.6410	0.02815	741	398	211	132
102	My client wishes to protect his right of occupancy now that you're in the doghouse, as well.	1.6406	0.02823	690	358	222	110
103	You passed the smell test, you're hired.	1.6395	0.02939	638	332	204	102
104	He'll return your left shoe if you agree to the terms.	1.6359	0.02899	596	297	219	80
105	Alleged best friend.	1.6348	0.02812	649	328	230	91
106	We think it's a fair deal. You get to keep the house, but my client gets the yard and everything buried within	1.6332	0.02871	668	351	211	106
107	It's a standard sit/stay clause.	1.6329	0.02889	632	333	202	97
108	Well, every dog has its day, and this happens to be his.	1.6312	0.03211	564	306	160	98
109	Don’t expect my client to sit here and beg.	1.6312	0.02804	751	411	206	134
110	Our final offer is 2 walks a day and no dry food.	1.6302	0.02945	622	325	202	95
111	The damages are calculated in dog years.	1.6298	0.02785	678	350	229	99
112	My client's a son of a bitch--what can I say.	1.6292	0.02990	658	363	177	118
113	My client begs to differ.	1.6289	0.02928	574	287	213	74
114	My client will agree to get "fixed", but you first.	1.6278	0.03134	634	359	152	123
115	He’d like to keep the bottom third of the bed.	1.6277	0.02976	607	318	197	92
116	Unconditional love is a thing of the past, Mr. Hoskins.	1.6271	0.03040	598	318	185	95
117	He wants his freedom--the last year has felt like seven.	1.6264	0.03017	613	333	178	102
118	He's concerned that you're thinking of having something 'fixed' when he knows it's in perfectly good working order.	1.6263	0.03153	562	301	170	91
119	Please, just sign it. Don’t make him beg.	1.6262	0.03149	535	284	169	82
120	Let’s not make this difficult. Be a good boy and sign the papers.	1.6257	0.02981	569	293	198	78
121	He'd like it in writing that he's a "good boy".	1.6246	0.02967	610	324	193	93
122	Under the terms of the will, your wife left you to the dog.	1.6242	0.03086	620	343	167	110
123	Now just sign here to confirm that my client is a ‘good boy’.	1.6241	0.03035	588	311	187	90
124	This further stipulates that he is a good boy.	1.6234	0.03007	616	331	186	99
125	He'll keep the house and the kids, but you can have the cat.	1.6230	0.03225	549	299	158	92
126	Your ex is offering Sparky unlimited walks, snacks, car rides and access to the shoe closet. I think we can do better.	1.6224	0.02974	625	335	191	99
127	He's willing to consider the "Don't bite the hand that feeds you" clause.	1.6206	0.02920	601	311	207	83
128	The settlement to be paid over 50 years, and yes, those are dog years.	1.6198	0.03065	555	290	186	79
129	THREE walks a day.	1.6196	0.03183	552	299	164	89
130	My client would also like you to agree unconditionally that he is a good boy.	1.6186	0.02971	569	312	170	87
131	My client is claiming possession of the back yard and anything buried therein.	1.6181	0.03134	542	287	175	80
132	My client insists he was in fact a good boy.	1.6175	0.03161	536	285	171	80
133	My client would like you to agree that you will no longer tell him when or where to sit.	1.6174	0.03108	528	274	182	72
134	My client will never roll over.	1.6171	0.03084	551	290	182	79
135	And finally, you attest that he's a good boy.	1.6161	0.03053	573	305	183	85
136	As you’ll see my client has marked his territory.	1.6154	0.02960	559	298	183	78
137	If you didn't feel the need to pet every dog you come across, we wouldn't be here.	1.6146	0.03312	519	286	147	86
138	She also wants you to stop telling her that she is a “good boy.”	1.6144	0.03326	542	307	137	98
139	We're confident we can prove in court that he's a good boy.	1.6144	0.03230	529	287	159	83
140	My client says get rid of the cat and all is forgotten.	1.6138	0.03169	549	303	157	89
141	The dog wants you to keep the cat.	1.6135	0.03072	564	306	173	85
142	Now, the no-neuter clause.	1.6128	0.03325	532	299	140	93
143	All this could have been avoided if you had been a good boy, too.	1.6120	0.03390	500	278	138	84
144	My client insists that if he is to live with you, he shall be free to lick himself wherever and whenever he wants."	1.6118	0.03303	510	279	150	81
145	He wants the food bowl,the tennis balls,and your slippers, but you can have the house and the leash.	1.6108	0.03111	537	298	157	82
146	Mr. Snuggles is willing to drop his defamation lawsuit if you issue a public apology confirming that he is, in fact, a good boy.	1.6096	0.03196	520	279	165	76
147	For no more baths, my client will keep helping you pick up women.	1.6088	0.03516	478	271	123	84
148	He wants sole custody of the ball.	1.6060	0.03280	500	279	142	79
149	This should be a fair offer to compensate you for the loss of your homework.	1.6057	0.03473	459	253	134	72
150	Every dog has his day, and sir, today is his day.	1.6051	0.03351	471	254	149	68
151	No cats or the deal's off.	1.6050	0.03456	438	235	141	62
152	Think carefully, your wife made Dolly a great offer	1.6038	0.03292	472	256	150	66
153	No need to sign this one; it's just for cleaning up his accidents.	1.6020	0.03612	402	217	128	57
154	My client would like to start sniffing other people.”	1.6005	0.03674	428	243	113	72
155	Before you call these custody terms unfair, please recall that you did in fact neuter my client.	1.5991	0.03566	449	254	121	74
156	My client tells me you left her alone for a million years every day, is that true?	1.5984	0.03256	508	287	141	80
157	My client isn't going to just roll over on this.	1.5983	0.03439	468	261	134	73
158	It's a pretty standard rollover agreement.	1.5978	0.03289	455	240	158	57
159	This time she’s taking you to the groomers	1.5959	0.03281	490	273	144	73
160	Aside from your resume, he wants to know if you've been a good boy.	1.5953	0.03352	467	255	146	66
161	Final offer, Mr. Andrews. If you don’t accept, we W-A-L-K.	1.5945	0.03593	434	245	120	69
162	If you're not willing to sign, my client is ready to w-a-l-k.	1.5944	0.03385	503	288	131	84
163	If we have a deal, my client will shake on it.	1.5940	0.03320	468	254	150	64
164	You can have the house. He's just asking for your slippers.	1.5934	0.03211	519	287	156	76
165	He won’t roll over so easily this time.	1.5928	0.03411	447	244	141	62
166	And he gets to keep your wife.	1.5918	0.03650	441	256	109	76
167	So it's agreed: joint custody of your wife.	1.5918	0.03521	441	247	127	67
168	Sorry, but your proposal just doesn't pass the sniff test.	1.5908	0.03236	479	260	156	63
169	No, half of your shoes means one from each pair.	1.5903	0.03740	432	255	99	78
170	Your emotional support animal would like his own emotional support animal to help him cope with your increasing demands.	1.5902	0.03648	410	230	118	62
171	He is offering you exclusive use of fifty percent of the bed. I think it's a good deal.	1.5889	0.03453	450	251	133	66
172	That leaves us with the custody of the squeaky toys.	1.5887	0.03190	479	263	153	63
173	Now it’s your turn to roll over.	1.5881	0.03444	420	229	136	55
174	Nowhere in this document has he agreed to be your best friend.	1.5876	0.03361	451	249	142	60
175	He's a got a bone to pick	1.5875	0.03570	417	232	125	60
176	You can have the house but we want the front and back yard.	1.5871	0.03281	448	244	148	56
177	I'd recommend taking the deal, sir. 30 minutes of fetch per day is quite generous, especially considering what you had the vet do to my client.	1.5864	0.03578	457	267	112	78
178	My client would like to make this go away. And come back. And go away. And come back.	1.5826	0.03540	448	258	119	71
179	No more verbal assurances. He wants a signed statement to the effect that he’s a very good boy.	1.5821	0.03609	414	234	119	61
180	I think you'll find this settlement more than fair, given the condition of your rug prior to the incident.	1.5804	0.03824	367	210	102	55
181	What? Did you think he'd just roll over.	1.5798	0.03876	357	202	103	52
182	My client refuses to rollover.	1.5791	0.03348	430	232	147	51
183	My client stipulates that he’s a good boy. You need no longer ask.	1.5789	0.03844	361	204	105	52
184	He won't budge...he gets vaccinated when you get vaccinated."	1.5788	0.03823	387	225	100	62
185	As per the agreement, he’s willing to remain friends, just not best friends.	1.5773	0.03355	440	241	144	55
186	And more bacon. Much more bacon.	1.5769	0.03408	390	214	132	44
187	He’s willing to give you the cat.	1.5769	0.03434	442	248	133	61
188	Of course, Sparky will also have similar decision making authority to put you down under comparable circumstances.	1.5768	0.03707	423	250	102	71
189	The terms are no neutering, no cats, and 50% of online video royalties.	1.5759	0.03432	415	237	123	55
190	My client insists on a seat at the table, not under it.	1.5758	0.03430	422	238	130	54
191	If you agree to stop inviting people over to your house, he'll agree to stop barking when the doorbell rings.	1.5738	0.03982	359	211	90	58
192	So the only issue left to resolve is who gets the wife?	1.5726	0.03961	379	228	85	66
193	Pepper has reason to believe you have been playing with other dogs.	1.5725	0.03599	386	214	123	49
194	In light of his growing income from dog food commercials, he's suing to end your conservatorship	1.5711	0.03390	450	254	135	61
195	Our final offer: two more trips to the dog park each week, or we walk.	1.5703	0.03614	384	214	121	49
196	And finally, you must agree that it was he who rescued you.	1.5703	0.03698	370	207	115	48
197	Murphy would like to renegotiate the terms of his leash.	1.5702	0.03849	356	203	103	50
198	By signing here you agree that my client is a "great boy" and you will no longer refer to him as simply a "good boy".	1.5697	0.03427	423	235	135	53
199	We think it's a fair price considering he knows where the bones are buried.	1.5670	0.03637	418	245	109	64
200	And then these are the assets that aren't buried in the backyard.	1.5666	0.03661	383	217	115	51
201	If he has to get neutered, so do you.	1.5665	0.04041	346	205	86	55
202	He says it’s your turn to roll over.	1.5650	0.03867	331	185	105	41
203	And don’t try any tricks. He may be old , but he knows them all.	1.5641	0.03596	429	253	110	66
204	Here’s your settlement agreement. You get the car and the cat, he gets the tennis ball and the spot in front of the fireplace.	1.5637	0.03762	353	206	98	49
205	Who's rolling over now?	1.5632	0.03847	364	212	99	53
206	I know it’s yet another indignity, but he’s going to need you to sign for him.	1.5630	0.03737	373	214	108	51
207	I know he is your best friend, but it's always best to have it in writing.	1.5627	0.03856	343	195	103	45
208	Of course, this is just a ruff draft.	1.5623	0.03773	345	193	110	42
209	Maybe you weren’t aware you signed a pre-pup.	1.5610	0.04151	328	196	80	52
210	In my client’s defense, he was simply marking his territory.	1.5605	0.03609	380	214	119	47
211	My client is prepared to settle if he gets the couch.	1.5595	0.03979	311	175	98	38
212	My client agrees to let you have the small house outside.	1.5591	0.03915	381	232	85	64
213	He wants to know if you’ve had all of your shots.	1.5584	0.04140	351	217	72	62
214	And we must insist that the offer includes a rollover plan.	1.5581	0.03762	387	229	100	58
215	Barney here wrote down a number. Or lose the cat and we can make this whole thing go away. Your choice.	1.5578	0.03733	398	237	100	61
216	Let's go over a few things before the cat and her counsel arrive.	1.5577	0.03884	355	208	96	51
217	Weekday papers only,a dog door to the terrace,and he gets half your bed. No cats.	1.5576	0.04058	321	187	89	45
218	Now be a good boy and sign.	1.5565	0.03569	345	191	118	36
219	Fake ball-throwing was the primary reason.	1.5563	0.03981	311	176	97	38
220	The dog wants you sent to obedience training	1.5562	0.03803	347	203	97	47
221	According to my client, you were the rescue.	1.5559	0.04298	286	167	79	40
222	He wants to stay friends, just not best friends.	1.5559	0.03715	358	203	111	44
223	And is it true you were just pretending to throw the ball?	1.5550	0.03702	373	217	106	50
224	So if we can agree on wet food at least 3 nights a week, can we get this done?	1.5543	0.03599	368	206	120	42
225	All we need is a brief statement about what REALLY happened to your homework.	1.5538	0.03974	325	188	94	43
226	This contract ensures that you will never pretend to throw the ball again.	1.5538	0.04109	316	186	85	45
227	In case of your demise he would like to reside with a single older lady who cooks.	1.5533	0.03858	338	194	101	43
228	The last item to discuss is the slippers.	1.5531	0.03544	367	203	125	39
229	My client proposes that you get the kids and she gets your wife.	1.5531	0.03788	367	215	101	51
230	He eats what you eat, or it's no deal	1.5530	0.03766	349	199	107	43
231	Now let's talk about the rollover.	1.5510	0.04013	294	165	96	33
232	You expect my client to just rollover and accept this?	1.5506	0.04086	316	186	86	44
233	OK, Mr. Smith, Benji gets the house, the couch, and your slippers, and you keep the cat.	1.5501	0.03917	349	207	92	50
234	I’d like to remind you that the “mere” 7 years of companionship meant 49 to my client.	1.5500	0.03552	360	199	124	37
235	This version of the prepup agreement specifies two walks a day, the right to hang his head out the car window, and a weekly clean ball.	1.5494	0.03900	324	193	87	44
236	My client has written down a number representing what he feels is a fair number of treats per day.	1.5493	0.03944	304	171	99	34
237	And lastly, that you take down that offensive print of Dogs Playing Poker.	1.5481	0.03883	312	183	90	39
238	He says he no longer wishes to be a good boy.	1.5470	0.03790	362	213	100	49
239	My clients agrees to come down to three walks a day, provided there's no eye contact while he poops.	1.5468	0.04216	278	160	84	34
240	I suggest you accept his terms or he’s prepared to use his sad puppy dog eyes in front of the judge.	1.5441	0.04218	261	152	78	31
241	He’s only serving you one paper. He ate the others.	1.5437	0.04259	309	189	72	48
242	He's agreed that you can have the house... but he wants the run of the backyard	1.5433	0.03560	381	221	114	46
243	Once signed, these documents will legally state that my client is no longer your best friend.	1.5428	0.03946	304	173	97	34
244	He is suing you along with the veterinarian in that little "snip snip" thing you guys pulled.	1.5421	0.04182	297	176	81	40
245	Trust me, this is much better than you'll do before a jury of his peers!	1.5408	0.03685	368	215	107	46
246	We need to depose the cat.	1.5395	0.03920	304	173	98	33
247	My client offers to reconcile, but the cat goes.	1.5395	0.04002	304	176	92	36
248	Speaking bluntly and in Layman’s terms…He’ wants his balls back.	1.5394	0.04201	317	195	73	49
249	Half of the treats and you would retain the cat.	1.5392	0.03940	293	165	98	30
250	Just counter-urinate where indicated and we’re done.”	1.5392	0.04075	332	205	76	51
251	He says you can have the dog house but the condo in Hawaii is his.	1.5377	0.04182	292	173	81	38
252	Sit. Sign. Goood boyyy.	1.5370	0.04345	270	160	75	35
253	Now let's be a good boy and sign the papers.	1.5369	0.03748	352	209	99	44
254	You should have thought long and hard before you had him neutered.”	1.5367	0.04096	313	188	82	43
255	Yes, her signature page is missing. She claims you ate it.	1.5364	0.04262	302	185	72	45
256	She IS a bitch - just sign.	1.5356	0.04287	295	180	72	43
257	This document stipulates your understanding that Max remains man's best friend...but no longer your best friend."	1.5350	0.04306	286	173	73	40
258	He no longer wants to be man's best friend.	1.5345	0.03802	290	177	78	35
259	My client insists he has been nothing but a good boy.	1.5343	0.03486	277	161	92	24
260	He’d like to cut right to the chase.	1.5333	0.04409	270	163	70	37
261	She wants the rubber bone and the tennis balls, but is willing to let you have the cat.	1.5327	0.03939	336	205	84	47
262	Baxter insists on keeping the house, but he’s offering you full custody of the cat.	1.5323	0.03836	325	189	99	37
263	Among his complaints are that you consistently talk down to him.	1.5315	0.04279	286	173	74	39
264	And finally, Mr. Cuddly Wuddly requests a name change to Thor.	1.5311	0.04814	241	150	54	37
265	He wants half the bed.	1.5309	0.03867	307	176	99	32
266	My client contends you're the one who is not a 'good boy'	1.5308	0.04239	292	177	75	40
267	Please refer to my client as Good Boy, in all further correspondence.	1.5308	0.04098	292	172	85	35
268	It was down to the two of you,but he was vaccinated.	1.5304	0.04688	247	152	59	36
269	I realize you were expecting a better offer, but my client has me on a short leash.	1.5302	0.04033	281	161	91	29
270	He wants a 401K9	1.5298	0.04262	285	172	75	38
271	The dog keeps your wife in the divorce.	1.5288	0.04011	295	172	90	33
272	I’m representing him pro-BONE-o	1.5287	0.04559	261	161	62	38
273	In the event of dissolution, the floppy fish, Mr. Moose, and the braided chewy sticks will remain my client's separate property.	1.5284	0.03943	299	173	94	32
274	Final offer: You stop snoring and he stops peeing on the carpet.	1.5283	0.03886	318	189	91	38
275	He claims he was more than just your best friend.	1.5281	0.04417	267	162	69	36
276	Well, we already know who scored better on loyalty.	1.5278	0.04200	288	173	78	37
277	Biting him certainly made the news, but it's going to cost you	1.5278	0.04406	252	149	73	30
278	I'm sorry but he scored higher on the obedience test	1.5276	0.04363	254	157	63	34
279	This one dissolves my client’s responsibilities as man’s best friend.	1.5274	0.04156	292	177	77	38
280	It was a one year leash and you broke it.	1.5273	0.04380	275	168	69	38
281	Here is a list of his commands.	1.5270	0.04030	296	174	88	34
282	These are our terms, or we W-A-L-K.	1.5270	0.04103	315	193	78	44
283	Let me be perfectly clear, Mr Rochester, from a legal perspective, his bark is most certainly not worse than his bite.	1.5267	0.04247	262	153	80	29
284	Per the agreement, my client will retain sole custody of all of your left shoes.	1.5266	0.04064	319	195	80	44
285	And this one stipulates that you are a bad, bad boy.	1.5265	0.04154	264	154	82	28
286	He wants his nuts back.	1.5265	0.04429	283	177	63	43
287	She may be a bitch, but she wants to settle!	1.5261	0.04590	249	152	63	34
288	My client will need some time to chew this over.	1.5257	0.04394	253	150	73	30
289	Did you think that my client would simply roll over and play dead?	1.5250	0.04533	240	143	68	29
290	Regardless of who paid for it, my client is entitled to anything he peed on during the time you were together.	1.5249	0.04117	301	182	80	39
291	And finally, upon separation we retain all rights to the title "Man's Best Friend"...	1.5244	0.03950	307	184	87	36
292	You can see the puppies every other weekend, and my client gets the house.	1.5238	0.04371	252	149	74	29
293	He's now willing to greet you at the front door after work for three days a week.	1.5233	0.04242	279	168	76	35
294	I can assure you, whether you sign or not, my client is ready to walk.	1.5230	0.04192	304	188	73	43
295	Our terms are final... what he licks is his own business.	1.5220	0.04041	295	175	86	34
296	You get to keep the house but she wants to have unlimited access to the tree.	1.5213	0.04209	282	170	77	35
297	The dog wants custody of your children.	1.5211	0.04528	261	162	62	37
298	Either you agree to his terms or we w-a-l-k	1.5205	0.04351	292	184	64	44
299	These records will show that my client was, in fact, a very good boy	1.5205	0.04325	244	142	77	25
300	No worries. Bentley helps us identify candidates with strong interpersonal skills and good personal hygiene.	1.5200	0.04647	250	156	58	36
301	He says everything he peed on is his.	1.5200	0.04182	300	185	74	41
302	Who wants to sign this release? Who wants to sign this release? Who's a good boy? You are! You're a good boy!	1.5198	0.04372	252	150	73	29
303	He wants three walks a day and two belly rubs. That’s his final offer.	1.5196	0.03762	331	195	100	36
304	My client said she already peed on everything she wants in the split.	1.5182	0.04511	247	150	66	31
305	My client demands that you cease and desist on blaming her for your farts..	1.5180	0.04463	278	176	60	42
306	It looks like you signed a pre-pup, so you're not entitled to anything.	1.5180	0.04162	278	166	80	32
307	…and in turn you agree to allow the ball in the house.	1.5176	0.03921	313	187	90	36
308	All he’s asking for is his chewy, the doghouse, and his testicles back”	1.5175	0.04746	257	166	49	42
309	He says in lieu for a signed agreement, he would like to "Shake on it."	1.5168	0.04484	238	142	69	27
310	He wants the little house out back.	1.5164	0.04085	244	142	80	22
311	He says he wants the house and the yard.	1.5163	0.04526	246	150	65	31
312	You retain the apartment and all its furnishings. He gets the Ohio State sweatshirt and both Adidas sneakers.	1.5148	0.04139	270	165	74	31
313	Sir, I'm afraid you're barking up the wrong tree.	1.5145	0.04365	241	142	74	25
314	My client expected that response, Mr Pavlov.	1.5142	0.04844	212	129	57	26
315	Now who’s a good lawyer?	1.5134	0.04363	261	159	70	32
316	He keeps the house, wife and kids ; you get the cat.	1.5115	0.04510	260	163	61	36
317	My advice is to give the dog a bone.	1.5110	0.04134	272	162	81	29
318	As you can see, Fido alleges you violated the non-compete clause when you called another dog a 'good, good boy.'	1.5104	0.04011	288	179	74	35
319	You can keep the house, but the backyard is hers.	1.5098	0.04335	255	154	72	29
320	My client wishes to codify BEST friend.	1.5094	0.04281	265	161	73	31
321	She says you rub her the wrong way.	1.5092	0.04339	271	168	68	35
322	He wants a pre-pup.	1.5090	0.04298	277	172	69	36
323	Just remember. He knows where all the bones are buried.	1.5086	0.04141	291	179	76	36
324	And here’s your part of the inheritance.	1.5077	0.04308	260	164	64	32
325	He's offering you full custody of the cats.	1.5077	0.04410	260	161	66	33
326	You get the house, Rex gets the yard.	1.5075	0.04061	268	165	73	30
327	Not only didn’t he eat your homework, he actually did your homework.	1.5074	0.05054	203	127	49	27
328	Our position is, that the car was chasing him.	1.5068	0.04911	221	140	50	31
329	Actually the terms of the will stipulate he owns you.	1.5059	0.04227	255	152	77	26
330	Okay, now it’s your turn to beg.	1.5057	0.04169	263	157	79	27
331	I'm sorry but it looks like he'll be keeping the wife.	1.5051	0.05051	198	123	50	25
332	He says that you can have the house but he gets the yard.	1.5043	0.04559	230	140	64	26
333	Your resume is very impressive, but he’d still like to see how you beg.	1.5037	0.04199	272	166	75	31
334	That's our final offer. We're not willing to beg.	1.5025	0.04599	203	119	66	18
335	Now, please sign your copy of the leash agreement.	1.5021	0.04475	233	141	67	25
336	My client believes you've known who the good boy is all along.	1.5021	0.04716	233	147	55	31
337	You led my client to believe that you'd be staying at home forever.	1.5021	0.04557	233	143	63	27
338	We’re flexible on leash length but food dish size is not negotiable.	1.5021	0.04234	237	141	74	22
339	I'm afraid the butt sniffing is non negotiable	1.5019	0.03997	259	150	88	21
340	All he wants are your shoes.	1.5019	0.04282	265	163	71	31
341	Here is his proof of vaccination. Now can he see yours?	1.5018	0.04524	271	176	54	41
342	And this affidavit states that my client is indeed a "good boy" in perpetuity or until he wets the carpet.	1.5000	0.03832	246	156	65	25
343	You should've signed a prenup, Waffles will now own everything he has peed on.	1.5000	0.04612	232	144	60	28
344	And this document lets you out of the leash agreement.	1.5000	0.04778	216	134	56	26
345	He’ll agree to be neutered once you’re home recovering from your vasectomy.	1.5000	0.04908	226	146	47	33
346	Look at the bright side - we’ve prorated the settlement in dog years.	1.5000	0.04444	260	164	62	34
347	He points out that the choice of wall-to-wall carpeting wasn't his own.	1.5000	0.04016	264	155	86	23
348	He’ll sleep on the floor—but three walks a day is non-negotiable.	1.4980	0.03944	255	154	78	23
349	Our suit further contends that you're statement: "Come on boy, we're getting you fixed today!" was vague and misleading."	1.4980	0.04522	249	157	60	32
350	My client requests that you throw him a bone."	1.4979	0.04338	237	142	72	23
351	My client no longer wishes to sit, stay or heel.	1.4978	0.04708	231	146	55	30
352	Just a formality before you're adopted	1.4977	0.04697	221	137	58	26
353	This is his offer. I think you'll find it more than fair. He just wants out.	1.4965	0.03904	288	177	81	30
354	He’s had his vaccinations. And you?	1.4960	0.04363	250	154	68	28
355	He gets the wife.	1.4959	0.04706	246	160	50	36
356	Don't make him beg . . .	1.4958	0.04406	238	145	68	25
357	Now, this is the couch share agreement	1.4955	0.04606	224	138	61	25
358	It's an 'unrestraining order.' My client feels he no longer needs to be leashed on walks.	1.4954	0.04563	218	132	64	22
359	My client wants assurances that he is indeed a good boy.	1.4949	0.05140	196	125	45	26
360	He might not bring much to the table, but he'll get anything that falls under it.	1.4949	0.04933	196	121	53	22
361	My client requests custody of the blue zippy leash,the downstairs fuzzy dog bed,and the girlfriend. You may keep the cats.	1.4947	0.04177	285	179	71	35
362	He gave you the best 89 years of his life, Kevin.	1.4939	0.04391	245	151	67	27
363	Friendship aside, he claims you took his manhood.	1.4938	0.04379	243	149	68	26
364	After transfer of half of your old shoes, my client will provide information on where your car keys are buried.	1.4937	0.04392	239	146	68	25
365	Shake?	1.4936	0.04301	235	143	69	23
366	My client maintains HE walked YOU.	1.4936	0.04488	235	145	64	26
367	He's not going to roll over anymore	1.4934	0.04297	227	134	74	19
368	We would like you to start training your replacement.	1.4932	0.04518	221	134	65	22
369	And now YOU beg.	1.4930	0.04514	215	129	66	20
370	And finally, my client cites your ongoing kindness to the mailman, despite her repeated objections.	1.4924	0.04145	262	159	77	26
371	He gets the house in the Hamptons, you get the cat.	1.4924	0.04249	262	162	71	29
372	It’s a standard pre-pup agreement, listing your duties about food, exercise, ear scratching and waste removal.	1.4922	0.04298	258	160	69	29
373	My client's not going to roll over on this.	1.4916	0.04304	238	146	68	24
374	She wants her house AND yours.	1.4915	0.04582	234	147	59	28
375	My client won’t take any deals under the table, unless you have scraps.	1.4911	0.04563	224	138	62	24
376	My client has a few bones to pick with you.	1.4907	0.04480	214	128	67	19
377	I would advise you to sign, in this case, his bite IS bigger than his bark.	1.4904	0.04049	261	156	82	23
378	Spike says he’ll adopt you but you have to get neutered	1.4904	0.04364	261	165	64	32
379	My client has requested that you immediately disclose the whereabouts of the ball.	1.4904	0.04227	261	161	72	28
380	You can keep Mr. Squooshy, he will take the lake house.	1.4903	0.04998	206	132	47	27
381	By signing this you agree that the phrases “good girl” and “bad girl” are subject to binding arbitration.	1.4900	0.04458	251	159	61	31
382	Although your father left the majority of his estate to Buddy, he did bequeath you his favorite chew toy.	1.4898	0.04770	196	119	58	19
383	He thinks you are an appropriate rescue. Just sign here and he will take you home.	1.4892	0.05071	186	116	49	21
384	Yes, you are being let go. Yes, you are.	1.4890	0.04561	227	141	61	25
385	Before you sign your employment contract, we just have a little sniff test to complete	1.4887	0.04608	221	137	60	24
386	I think we both know there's no material difference between a crate and a cage.	1.4884	0.04465	215	129	67	19
387	While my client appreciates your offer of rescue, she does insist on some specific terms in the leash agreement	1.4872	0.04676	195	117	61	17
388	So, it's settled. He gets custody of the cat.	1.4864	0.04130	257	156	77	24
389	It’s a list of pet peeves.	1.4862	0.05054	181	112	50	19
390	True, but in dog years, he has far more experience....	1.4858	0.04656	212	131	59	22
391	Yes Dave, this is because of 'the testicles thing.'	1.4857	0.05428	175	113	39	23
392	You agree to provide treats for no apparent reason.	1.4848	0.04789	198	122	56	20
393	It’s the standard prepup.	1.4846	0.04645	227	144	56	27
394	He wants more time with your ex-wife.	1.4839	0.04350	248	155	66	27
395	You can keep the house but my client wants the right to sniff and urinate anywhere in the yard.	1.4837	0.04000	246	162	56	28
396	Lucky has agreed to stop barking at the mailman if you agree to re-home the cat.	1.4835	0.05211	182	116	44	22
397	We are sorry to let you go, but I’m afraid you just don’t have what it takes to be top dog around here.	1.4835	0.04972	182	112	52	18
398	To make things easier, my client has asked me to throw you a bone.	1.4831	0.04350	207	129	59	19
399	You can keep the house, but I'm afraid the backyard is non-negotiable.	1.4831	0.04611	236	154	51	31
400	Be that as it may, your late father's will was QUITE specific	1.4826	0.05115	172	106	49	17
401	You get the house, the car, and the cabin at the lake and he wants that smelly carcass behind the tool shed.	1.4825	0.04588	228	144	58	26
402	Please sign this retraction, acknowledging that my client is not now, nor has he ever been your "best friend".	1.4825	0.04460	228	143	61	24
403	My client wants all his balls back. And yours.	1.4822	0.04965	197	125	49	23
404	My client agrees to the sale of the house, but he wishes to retain his interest in the bones buried in the back yard.	1.4813	0.04244	241	147	72	22
405	He dog-eared the important pages.	1.4811	0.04750	212	134	54	24
406	You have impressed our top dog. Here is our offer.	1.4809	0.04486	235	148	61	26
407	My client will drop the 'involuntary sterilization' lawsuit in exchange for the 'exclusive lifetime co-habitation' agreement.	1.4803	0.04274	254	159	68	27
408	She began here as an emotional support animal. Now, she’s our head of HR.	1.4802	0.04728	227	147	51	29
409	He's generously offered you full custody of the cat.	1.4800	0.04320	275	179	60	36
410	My client thinks you're the one who should move to the farm upstate.	1.4800	0.04909	200	127	50	23
411	You may call it 'puppy love', but it was inappropriate.	1.4798	0.04946	198	126	49	23
412	Did you or did you not engage in heavy petting with my client?	1.4793	0.04714	217	138	54	25
413	Look on the bright side,he finally brought you the papers	1.4793	0.04623	217	136	58	23
414	Now that you have adopted a cat, he needs this 'best friend' thing in writing.	1.4790	0.04384	238	151	61	26
415	Fido and I have come to an agreement on your remote work plan. He gets you at home Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, and I get you in the office on Tuesday and Thursday.	1.4787	0.04670	211	132	57	22
416	As we agreed, you get the cat.	1.4775	0.04591	222	140	58	24
417	Of course, we all know perfectly well who "a good boy" is but my client would prefer an official statement.	1.4772	0.04324	241	150	67	24
418	If you think we’re just going to roll over on this, you’re barking up the wrong tree.	1.4767	0.05498	172	113	36	23
419	Closing on a doghouse is uncommon, but not unprecedented.	1.4766	0.04622	214	134	58	22
420	Our final offer: three walks a day with treats.	1.4764	0.04173	233	140	75	18
421	He gets all the toys and visitation rights on the sofa.	1.4760	0.04155	229	139	72	18
422	Just because my client is wagging his tail doesn't mean he's waiving his rights.	1.4757	0.04852	185	114	54	17
423	And nothing for the cat.	1.4752	0.04872	202	129	50	23
424	Sorry Bill, we have to let you go. Fido just had better ideas for the dog food campaign.	1.4737	0.04751	209	133	53	23
425	He wants to know if you’re a good boy. Yes he does. He wants to know if you’re a good boy.	1.4734	0.05140	188	122	43	23
426	You can either sign or wipe your butt on the dotted line.	1.4732	0.04917	205	133	47	25
427	Only if both of you are neutered.	1.4731	0.05292	186	123	38	25
428	This simply redefines my client's relationship to you from "best friend" to "conscenting companion"...	1.4731	0.05010	186	118	48	20
429	And what would you do if Mr. Freckles had neutered you, Mr. Adams?	1.4728	0.04623	239	157	51	31
430	We like the your CV,but my client needs to know more about your ball throwing abilities.	1.4727	0.04575	220	139	58	23
431	My client simply wishes to expand upon, clarify, and memorialize the definition of "Man's best friend," should you ever choose to modify your gender identity.	1.4725	0.04908	182	113	52	17
432	By signing this document you agree that under no circumstances will you talk to him like he’s a baby.	1.4725	0.04970	182	114	50	18
433	She gets the dog house and that large building next to it.	1.4721	0.04857	197	125	51	21
434	And this is just a copy of the one my client ate.	1.4716	0.04963	176	109	51	16
435	His value has gone significantly up since his cousin won Westminster.	1.4715	0.04100	246	152	73	21
436	I think we're going to give Max the Kibble Account. He has more experience.	1.4715	0.05092	193	126	43	24
437	My client will only do the film if he doesn't die in the end.	1.4712	0.05024	191	123	46	22
438	…And for the record, my client is a “good boy”	1.4711	0.04500	225	142	60	23
439	You didn’t pass the smell test.	1.4709	0.04751	206	131	53	22
440	He objects to your characterization of the relationship as being one between "dog and master". Further, he states that your insistent and changing demands of "shake hands" and "give me kisses" confuses him and makes him feel very uncomfortable.	1.4706	0.05087	170	106	48	16
441	You can keep the vaccum, the nail clippers, the correction collar, the Yoko Ono album and the cat.	1.4706	0.05378	187	126	34	27
442	This is my client’s final offer, you get vaccinated and he will wear the flea collar.	1.4700	0.04958	200	130	46	24
443	Our dress code requires you to wear a necktie or collar.	1.4691	0.04965	194	125	47	22
444	You'll have to deal with him. He inherited all of Marge's money.	1.4683	0.04546	252	168	50	34
445	He WAS your best friend.	1.4681	0.04735	188	116	56	16
446	He keeps the big house, you get the little red one in back.	1.4680	0.04852	203	131	49	23
447	The agreement calls for two walks per day and no dry food on weekends	1.4679	0.04511	218	137	60	21
448	Chew on this.	1.4677	0.04831	186	116	53	17
449	And finally, by signing here, you agree to always be a good boy.	1.4673	0.04667	214	137	54	23
450	My client believes that after 11 years you should know who's a good dog.	1.4670	0.05379	182	122	35	25
451	Rover is our head of HR. Do you mind if he gives your butt a sniff ?	1.4670	0.04961	197	128	46	23
452	And this absolves liability for damage to shoes.	1.4670	0.04856	197	126	50	21
453	You get custody of the tennis ball, but not the squeaky duck.	1.4670	0.04426	227	143	62	22
454	You passed the sniff test. Welcome to the pack!	1.4667	0.04410	225	141	63	21
455	My client insists that he keeps his balls.	1.4667	0.04967	210	140	42	28
456	...retracting your prior claim that my client did consume written materials, belonging to you, which were academic in nature	1.4667	0.04586	225	145	55	25
457	I think you’ll find our terms unintelligible.	1.4663	0.04909	208	137	45	26
458	Don't underestimate him, he has a keen nose for bull shit.	1.4663	0.04929	193	124	48	21
459	My client would also like to retain all tennis balls and dirty socks.	1.4660	0.04740	191	119	55	17
460	My client wants the house. The big house.	1.4659	0.05153	176	113	44	19
461	So,you acknowledge that you brought the cat home?	1.4657	0.04733	204	130	53	21
462	And we'll need three professional references to establish that you are a good boy.	1.4655	0.05067	174	110	47	17
463	You can have the doghouse.	1.4655	0.04566	232	151	54	27
464	Please review my client’s ruff draft.	1.4649	0.04726	185	114	56	15
465	It's just a standard release of liability for any unforeseen acts of chewing, peeing, or leg-humping.	1.4645	0.05008	183	117	47	19
466	He says that you treat him like a dog. How do you respond?	1.4633	0.03880	218	138	64	16
467	She gets the house - and before you ask, yes the big one.	1.4632	0.05150	190	126	40	24
468	Have you now or have you ever referred to the defendant as a "good boy"	1.4631	0.04800	203	131	50	22
469	He says he didn’t eat your homework!	1.4630	0.05264	162	103	43	16
470	My client asks that you balance the pen on your nose until he tells you it's okay to sign.	1.4628	0.04792	188	118	53	17
471	Just remember to divide the offer number by 7 to get it into human dollars.	1.4624	0.05153	173	111	44	18
472	He wants joint custody of the cat.	1.4623	0.04922	199	130	46	23
473	Don’t worry, it’s your standard pre-pup agreement	1.4619	0.04533	210	132	59	19
474	The tennis balls are his, and you can keep the cat.	1.4619	0.04730	210	136	51	23
475	Your mother left everything to Buster… but he would like you to have this allowance.	1.4615	0.05087	182	118	44	20
476	Sorry, but we're looking for someone who can do new tricks.	1.4611	0.04934	167	103	51	13
477	Unfortunately, your mother left all of her estate to Chester.	1.4610	0.05383	154	98	41	15
478	True. You might convince the judge to toss it. But my client would undoubtedly bring it back.	1.4606	0.05670	165	112	30	23
479	Please don’t call my client a bitch!	1.4604	0.05114	202	137	37	28
480	Be a good boy and take the offer.	1.4602	0.05151	176	114	43	19
481	He gets the slippers.	1.4601	0.04942	163	100	51	12
482	My client wants the couch 24-7.	1.4600	0.04694	200	127	54	19
483	He gets the cat. That's nonnegotiable.	1.4599	0.04532	237	156	53	28
484	He says he will finance the development if you put in more fire hydrants.	1.4599	0.04657	187	118	53	16
485	He is asking for a non-neutering agreement.	1.4597	0.04760	211	138	49	24
486	She’s offering to let you keep the cat.	1.4593	0.04794	209	137	48	24
487	My client keeps all the kibble, all the Tasty Treets, and your fuzzy left slipper.	1.4583	0.05027	192	129	39	24
488	Pretty standard stuff. You throw, he fetches but won't give back.	1.4583	0.04776	192	122	52	18
489	He's here to provide emotional support.	1.4583	0.04585	216	139	55	22
490	My client maintains that in the end you are actually a cat person.	1.4581	0.05148	179	117	42	20
491	Finally, she demands you refrain from referring to her as a bitch.	1.4579	0.04754	190	120	53	17
492	You get the leash, but he keeps his ball.	1.4579	0.04754	190	120	53	17
493	My client requests restitution for the damages done to his reputation based on your slander that he is a, quote, ‘bad dog’.	1.4573	0.04628	199	128	52	19
494	He says you can keep the doghouse, but he wants the couch.	1.4573	0.04709	199	127	53	19
495	I'm giving you his walking papers.	1.4570	0.04766	186	117	53	16
496	Ruff finds your demands to beg, heel, stay, and fetch demeaning. This is a cease and desist.	1.4570	0.04826	186	118	51	17
497	Your mother left Scruffy here in your care along with these instructions on how to invest his inheritance.	1.4560	0.05024	182	118	45	19
498	We think you'll play ball.	1.4558	0.04455	215	136	60	19
499	Bailey asserts that both the tennis balls and the relationship are irretrievable.	1.4556	0.05102	169	108	45	16
500	He'll settle for five minutes alone with the mailman.	1.4554	0.04386	202	124	64	14
501	Every dog has its day. And if he also has a $725 per hour attorney, a dog can have quite a day.	1.4550	0.04529	189	121	52	16
502	Your dog says you were the one who peed on the rug. Care to modify your witness statement...?	1.4545	0.04866	187	120	49	18
503	You keep the house, but he gets the yard.	1.4545	0.04832	198	129	48	21
504	Now if you'll just sniff these papers..	1.4541	0.05022	185	121	44	20
505	Would you have any problem reporting to a dog?	1.4541	0.04721	185	116	54	15
506	My client is willing to move on number of walks per day, but tummy rubs are non-negotiable.	1.4537	0.04377	227	145	61	21
507	The counteroffer is fair, no more chewing your shoes but the toilet seat must be left up.	1.4528	0.04499	212	135	58	19
508	It turns out his love is conditional	1.4520	0.05063	177	115	44	18
509	Ruff is the sole heir. But he wants you to have the house in the Hamptons; he never liked the beach.	1.4519	0.04351	208	129	64	15
510	He wants his testicles back in the settlement.	1.4516	0.04793	186	126	39	21
511	My client believes you do not know who’s a good boy anymore.	1.4513	0.04664	195	124	54	17
512	Actually, prepuptual agreements are pretty common.	1.4511	0.05041	184	121	43	20
513	Free Britney" inspired my client to take control of her own life	1.4510	0.05482	153	100	37	16
514	He wants to keep the cat.	1.4510	0.04828	204	135	46	23
515	Listen, your resume looks great but your butt just didn't pass the sniff test.	1.4509	0.04947	173	110	48	15
516	He just wants to know if you’ve had all your shots.”	1.4506	0.05330	162	106	39	17
517	Baby talk, Elizabethan collars and Halloween costumes are non-starters.	1.4505	0.04576	202	131	52	19
518	He will agree to be housebroken if you agree to put an exhaust fan in your bathroom.	1.4505	0.04549	202	128	57	17
519	Sign here, Mr. Jamison. It's no longer in you best interest to make my client beg.	1.4503	0.04777	171	106	53	12
520	As agreed, Buddy gets full custody of the children.	1.4503	0.05124	191	129	38	24
521	You can keep the house, but my client gets the squeaky toys.	1.4500	0.04525	200	126	58	16
522	My client wishes to enforce the NO CAT CLAUSE in his custody contract.	1.4500	0.04742	200	135	42	23
523	Who’s a good boy?” My client doesn’t have to answer that.	1.4500	0.05078	160	101	46	13
524	And you agree to continue to work from home to be available for treats, tummy rubs and walks during the day	1.4497	0.05168	169	110	42	17
525	I'm sorry, but you've tested positive for cat hairs.	1.4491	0.05143	167	108	43	16
526	My client insists that you never threw the ball.	1.4490	0.04866	196	129	46	21
527	Sign here. There ya go. Good man. Good man.	1.4489	0.04952	176	113	47	16
528	This affidavit states you acknowledge that he is in fact "a good boy" and this document is a cease and desist order regarding repetition of said question.	1.4487	0.05326	156	101	40	15
529	Turn to Section 3, paragraph 4, my client would like to discuss the usage of the word, "fixed."	1.4481	0.05531	154	102	35	17
530	I’ve written down a number that will keep my client quiet	1.4481	0.05296	154	99	41	14
531	It’s just your standard pre-pup.	1.4479	0.04626	192	124	51	17
532	He claims he was a good boy,is a good boy,and will always be as good boy.	1.4479	0.04567	192	123	53	16
533	My client wants the house. He says you can keep the cat and the vacuum cleaner.	1.4472	0.04811	199	131	47	21
534	My client knows about the other dog. You're being sued for infidolity.	1.4472	0.04915	199	133	43	23
535	My client says you can keep the squeaky toys as long as he gets the house.	1.4472	0.04977	161	101	48	12
536	Now, moving on to the bone of contention...	1.4470	0.04274	217	136	65	16
537	He wants half your bed and the couch on weekends.	1.4462	0.04821	186	120	49	17
538	He's willing to settle out of court for a slice of Havarti	1.4462	0.04998	186	123	43	20
539	My client is prepared to settle for extra kibble and termination of the vacuum cleaner	1.4462	0.04604	195	124	55	16
540	It's the same agreement. We only added the doghouse in the Hamptons and the NDA.	1.4460	0.04602	213	142	48	23
541	You can keep the house,but the tennis balls are a non-negotiable.	1.4456	0.04808	193	126	48	19
542	He gets the couch	1.4452	0.05025	155	102	39	14
543	As I understand it, Rover here wants a pre-pup agreement.	1.4451	0.04944	173	111	47	15
544	My client says that you called him a “bad boy” and is suing for defamation	1.4451	0.05273	173	116	37	20
545	Aside from the property settlement, you need to stipulate that she is a "good dog".	1.4450	0.04739	200	131	49	20
546	He'll agree not to pee on the carpet if you agree that he won't be fixed.	1.4444	0.04522	189	118	58	13
547	We think you’ll find the treats clause quite generous.	1.4444	0.04266	189	114	66	9
548	And finally, he wants to be referred to as an acquaintance, not your best friend.	1.4444	0.05318	153	99	40	14
549	You will find that this settlement offer reflects the degree of emotional distress endured by my client. Next time just throw the ball."	1.4439	0.05035	187	125	41	21
550	Sign here. Your wife goes to the dog.	1.4439	0.04801	187	121	49	17
551	Thank you for waiting while we fetched these.	1.4438	0.04836	160	99	51	10
552	My client might not be such a good boy next time.	1.4437	0.04940	151	93	49	9
553	He will only consent to adoption if you guarantee his reproductive rights in writing.	1.4437	0.05201	151	96	43	12
554	Then it's settled. He gets your home and you get his.	1.4433	0.04789	194	132	40	22
555	The lounge set is yours, but my client will be retaining ownership of your socks.	1.4432	0.05205	176	118	38	20
556	We've gone over this. She gets the house. You get the cat.	1.4427	0.04992	192	131	38	23
557	Before you adopt him, he insists on a prepuptial.	1.4426	0.04875	183	124	39	20
558	maybe you shouldn't have called her a bitch...	1.4424	0.04745	217	147	44	26
559	All he really wants is the doghouse in the Hamptons.	1.4421	0.04918	190	126	44	20
560	He says that if you want the raise, you'll have to beg for it.	1.4420	0.05036	181	120	42	19
561	Since you've been working at home he's been on the computer more than you, so we're giving him your job.	1.4419	0.05229	172	115	38	19
562	His last condition would be to drink out of your toilet every other weekend.	1.4419	0.05229	172	115	38	19
563	We're here because he has a bone to pick with you	1.4417	0.05301	163	108	38	17
564	Bill, I think Duffy's offer to keep quiet about everything he's seen is quite reasonable and quite affordable.	1.4416	0.05292	154	105	32	17
565	And you get the cat.	1.4414	0.05696	145	97	32	16
566	My client has added a lot of 'commands' he feels are degrading and will not comply with.	1.4413	0.04344	179	108	63	8
567	You were right about your job being so easy your dog could do it.	1.4412	0.05468	170	117	31	22
568	He feels you haven't been much of a best friend.	1.4409	0.04308	186	113	64	9
569	He says you feed him dog food.	1.4402	0.04736	209	140	46	23
570	To finalize this adoption we'll need your signature on this agreement which states you'll refrain, in perpetuity, from referring to my client as a rescue.	1.4390	0.05204	164	108	40	16
571	He's holding out for additional belly rubs.	1.4389	0.04398	180	110	61	9
572	In this case I have a Fidociary responsibility to my client	1.4389	0.05055	180	120	41	19
573	My client has a bone to pick	1.4388	0.05604	139	91	35	13
574	Sorry, you're too old for the part. Rover wants someone like Timmy as his best friend.	1.4387	0.05185	155	100	42	13
575	He is offering you the leash,the dead mouse,and the chew toy. He gets the house.	1.4386	0.05117	171	113	41	17
576	If you fail to sign this final agreement, I 'm authorized to roll it up, hit you on the nose, and say, 'Bad human, bad human.'	1.4381	0.04571	210	138	52	20
577	On behalf of my client, who's a good boy now?	1.4379	0.04804	153	94	51	8
578	Rex demands that you no longer work from home.	1.4379	0.04951	169	109	46	14
579	My client objects to your use of the term "fixed".	1.4379	0.05091	169	111	42	16
580	He'll agree to 3 bones a week and equal share of the bed.	1.4375	0.04812	176	113	49	14
581	And to be clear, the maintenance term is in dog years.	1.4372	0.04871	183	120	46	17
582	It's agreed, no more neutering talk, no chewed slippers.	1.4371	0.05408	167	114	33	20
583	Not exactly... we prefer to call them "Go for a walk" papers.	1.4371	0.04658	151	91	54	6
584	My client would like to renegotiate the terms of his leash.	1.4368	0.04800	190	125	47	18
585	The "No barking" clause is a deal breaker.	1.4368	0.04985	174	114	44	16
586	This may come back to bite you.	1.4367	0.05034	158	101	45	12
587	We are redefining what it means to work like a dog.	1.4365	0.05225	126	77	43	6
588	when you see the amount he’s written I think you’ll agree he’s probably not your best friend “	1.4365	0.04783	181	117	49	15
589	I’m sorry, no. You are not the good boy.	1.4364	0.05250	165	110	38	17
590	He wants you to agree to continue working from home for at least another year.	1.4357	0.05288	140	89	41	10
591	I have decided to take the case pro bone.	1.4356	0.05224	163	108	39	16
592	Under the reciprocity clause of the adoption agreement, it’s your turn to be neutered.	1.4356	0.05575	163	113	29	21
593	And my client requests that he be remunerated for any attention, adoration, or affection you may receive from the use of his image or likeness on social media…treats being the preferred means of payment.	1.4355	0.04660	186	127	40	19
594	You get all the toys--but he wants the big house.	1.4354	0.05551	147	98	34	15
595	He's firm. Belly rubs and no baths are non-negotiable.	1.4352	0.04688	193	126	50	17
596	By signing this you agree to work from home until termination, or death depending upon which occurs first.	1.4351	0.05896	131	90	26	15
597	My client says that during “work-from-home” days that you took part in a mysterious third meal, of which he was not previously made aware…something called “lunch”.	1.4351	0.05522	154	104	33	17
598	His offer is in Bitcoin	1.4350	0.04857	177	115	47	15
599	It’s the standard prenup giving 50% of the assets and all of the tug toys.	1.4350	0.04345	200	131	53	16
600	He's still mad about the do it yourself neuter kit.	1.4348	0.04850	184	121	46	17
601	Sir, this will be anything but a walk in the park.	1.4346	0.04664	191	124	51	16
602	You, sir, have said your final "bad dog."	1.4346	0.04780	191	126	47	18
603	I misunderstood your desire to sue the bitch, Mr. Smith.	1.4345	0.04969	168	114	37	17
604	You're being fired because you're not a good boy.	1.4340	0.05089	159	103	43	13
605	See Spot. See Spot win arbitration.	1.4340	0.05166	159	104	41	14
606	Now that you're back in the office, let me remind you of our dress code and no pet policy	1.4340	0.05466	159	108	33	18
607	YOU drop it.	1.4338	0.05969	136	93	27	16
608	He wants to keep the squeaky toys.	1.4333	0.04863	180	118	46	16
609	He has asked me to hand you your walking papers.	1.4333	0.05043	150	95	45	10
610	… and said ball to be retrieved solely by thrower.	1.4333	0.05302	150	98	39	13
611	You had HIM fixed; fair is fair.	1.4331	0.05213	157	103	40	14
612	Either way,he gets the bone.	1.4330	0.04612	194	126	52	16
613	And you get custody of the cat.	1.4327	0.04542	171	109	52	10
614	He's mostly asking you to stop calling him, "Buddy.	1.4324	0.05266	148	96	40	12
615	"It says that you agree to be neutered as well for the sake of this relationship."	1.4323	0.04703	192	126	49	17
616	I promise this pre-pup in no way diminishes Sparky’s love for you	1.4322	0.04801	199	134	44	21
617	Mr. Fido's request is quite reasonable. When you throw the ball it must actually leave your hand.	1.4320	0.05604	125	80	36	9
618	It’s a simple separation agreement. He recognizes that you’re just not a dog person.	1.4315	0.05226	146	94	41	11
619	I'm afraid that your wife's will has left everything to your dog.	1.4314	0.04886	153	96	48	9
620	This is his ruff draft.	1.4314	0.04505	204	133	54	17
621	It's a pretty standard rollover.	1.4314	0.05059	153	98	44	11
622	My client is demanding real grass to pee on and a better name than "Stash"	1.4312	0.05217	160	106	39	15
623	My client is willing to throw you a bone, so to speak	1.4312	0.05292	160	107	37	16
624	My client asked me to convey that he knew it was over when you subscribed to the digital edition, despite knowing full-well how much he enjoyed fetching the newspaper in the morning.	1.4311	0.05404	167	115	32	20
625	It's just a bunch of beagle-ese.	1.4311	0.05059	167	110	42	15
626	You can have the vacuum and the cat. He gets everything else including your shoes and all the bacon. There will also be mandatory belly rubs on Fridays.	1.4305	0.05520	151	102	33	16
627	She says she can't sign this. It doesn't pass the sniff test.	1.4296	0.05811	135	91	30	14
628	He wants to start seeing other people.	1.4296	0.05689	142	96	31	15
629	He doesn’t want to do the rollover.	1.4294	0.04997	163	106	44	13
630	Full visitation rights, a lifetime supply of kibble, and a five-year waiver on the no humping rule.	1.4294	0.05063	170	113	41	16
631	You signed this pre-pup, Greg. She's not asking for the kids. Just your trash, every week, for a lifetime.	1.4293	0.04417	191	124	55	12
632	I can assure you,it is a standard Pre-Pup agreement	1.4293	0.04777	191	127	46	18
633	My client is not going to roll over for these petty contract demands!	1.4286	0.04603	189	125	48	16
634	Leave it ... leave it ... leave it ... Take it!	1.4286	0.05106	168	112	40	16
635	This is his final offer; all walks longer than ten minutes, scratchies whenever he wants and no bargain brand food ever	1.4278	0.04922	180	120	43	17
636	Two walks a day. Final offer.	1.4278	0.05228	180	125	33	22
637	My client and I have agreed that I will work pro-bone-o.	1.4277	0.05006	166	109	43	14
638	My client agrees to up to three “”Sits” and “Roll Overs” a day; to be followed by treats; but categorically rejects the “beg” and “play dead” proposals.	1.4277	0.05220	166	112	37	17
639	His estate goes to his family, but he's leaving you a bone.	1.4276	0.05247	145	94	40	11
640	The bowl, the collar, the chew toy...he's leaving you all of it.	1.4271	0.04699	192	127	48	17
641	And this one states that you know EXACTLY who’s a good boy.	1.4269	0.05175	171	116	37	18
642	It's a binding seven-year contract. Well, only one year for Fido, of course.	1.4268	0.05194	164	110	38	16
643	He claims you've been treating him like a dog.	1.4266	0.05657	143	97	31	15
644	If it's any consolation - you were our second choice.	1.4265	0.05681	136	91	32	13
645	He wants 2 walks a day a day and more dog bones...	1.4259	0.04618	162	104	49	9
646	You get the cats.	1.4254	0.04264	181	114	58	9
647	My client says be a good boy and sign this.	1.4250	0.05059	160	105	42	13
648	Your turn to get neutered.	1.4248	0.05768	153	108	25	20
649	You should have read the terms of the pre-pup agreement.	1.4247	0.04620	186	121	51	14
650	Solid resume sir, but we threw him a bone and he jumped at the offer.	1.4245	0.05304	139	92	36	11
651	As a part of the settlement, he wants the dog house and his testicles back.	1.4244	0.05345	172	120	31	21
652	Sign here and you'll no longer be man and man's best friend.	1.4244	0.05017	172	115	41	16
653	I’m afraid “fetching” is off the table.	1.4242	0.05171	132	83	42	7
654	I'm sure you both want what's best for the pupies.	1.4242	0.04798	165	106	48	11
655	My client specifically remembers you saying, 'tutored'.	1.4242	0.05024	165	109	42	14
656	You can have everything, he just wants the doghouse.	1.4241	0.04535	191	127	49	15
657	He shouldn’t have to beg for you to sign this.	1.4238	0.05011	151	97	44	10
658	My client will accept a signature in lieu of a paw print.	1.4233	0.05214	163	110	37	16
659	He gets Marsha; you get the cat.	1.4229	0.04545	201	133	51	17
660	Since you were always in it with your ex, he’s giving you the doghouse.	1.4229	0.05019	175	118	40	17
661	Here are your walking papers.	1.4226	0.05170	168	114	37	17
662	Your parents left him the estate, but he says you're always welcome to visit if you give him advance notice.	1.4225	0.05594	142	96	32	14
663	He uses Dogusign.	1.4224	0.05891	116	76	31	9
664	Well Dan, as of today, its no longer your business who's a good boy.	1.4222	0.05804	135	92	29	14
665	At your previous job, would you say you were a good boy?	1.4221	0.04898	199	138	38	23
666	Sign and he'll bury his bone of contention and bark up another tree.	1.4217	0.05000	166	110	42	14
667	Rex gets the house and a monthly allowance of $2,000. You get the custody of the cat who started all this...	1.4214	0.05830	140	97	27	16
668	…and you agree to further acknowledge that in fact he is a “good boy”.	1.4214	0.05232	159	107	37	15
669	Well, for one thing, he's had all his vaccinations.	1.4213	0.05020	178	121	39	18
670	You get to keep your wife, but my client Wolfie will have sole custody of the children.	1.4211	0.05769	133	90	30	13
671	My client reminds you it is a dog eat dog world.	1.4207	0.04959	145	92	45	8
672	It's a restraining order"	1.4204	0.05356	157	107	34	16
673	For a settlement agreement we'll need a list of all your assets, buried or unburied.	1.4203	0.05326	138	90	38	10
674	I’m sorry, but he’s playing hard squeaky ball on this one.	1.4201	0.05077	169	114	39	16
675	We would like to know what the phrase “good boy” means to you.	1.4195	0.04903	174	116	43	15
676	He's suing you for telling your wife, 'It was the Dog."	1.4191	0.05479	136	90	35	11
677	3 bones per day is actually quite reasonable for a pre-puptual agreement.	1.4190	0.04934	179	121	41	17
678	He suggests you two split the bed. He gets the foot.	1.4189	0.05075	148	96	42	10
679	Before you sign, let’s just be clear on our definition of ‘liquidated damages’.	1.4187	0.05206	160	108	37	15
680	Please sign here that HR had this discussion with you and that you will no longer refer to Mr. Dog as “boy” in any professional setting henceforth.	1.4186	0.05011	172	116	40	16
681	Did you have any intent on throwing the ball when you maliciously deceived my client?	1.4182	0.04907	165	116	32	17
682	Before we hire you, Max would like you to write a short essay about possible solutions to the rising cat population in the city.	1.4179	0.04910	201	141	36	24
683	OK. To sweeten the deal, we want to throw you a bone.	1.4178	0.05121	146	95	41	10
684	It's your standard prepup agreement.	1.4177	0.05017	158	104	42	12
685	In order to compensate you for the unfortunate 'leg incident,' Mr. Barks will require you to sign this non-disclosure agreement.	1.4176	0.05053	170	115	39	16
686	It's "Give a dog a bone," not "Give a dog a boner." You'll be paying for that mistake for decades.	1.4173	0.05583	139	94	32	13
687	It’s a non-negotiable, the cat has to go.	1.4172	0.05508	151	104	31	16
688	She knew it was over when you came home smelling like catnip.	1.4172	0.04590	163	103	52	8
689	He says it is time for you to roll over.	1.4167	0.04748	192	130	44	18
690	And here’s a list of commands I’ll be using with you.	1.4167	0.05377	156	107	33	16
691	Yes, well that's the thing about the Internet. Regardless, you should have known my client was a dog.	1.4162	0.05186	173	120	34	19
692	Canned food daily, the dog park at least 3 days a week and you can't make that cringe face when you pick up his poop. It's all right here in the contract.	1.4161	0.05348	137	90	37	10
693	She thinks if you throw the ball away,you should be the one to fetch it.	1.4161	0.05348	137	90	37	10
694	In exchange for unconditional love, my client demands access to the nice sofa.	1.4152	0.04960	171	115	41	15
695	She wants you to sign a pre-pup.	1.4151	0.04830	159	103	46	10
696	My client is not rolling over.	1.4151	0.04830	159	103	46	10
697	As his role has expanded from Man's Best Friend to Emotional Support dog, Lucky would like to discuss his cookie distribution.	1.4150	0.05274	147	98	37	12
698	As agreed, steak every day, sleeps on the big bed, more dog toys, goes with you on all vacations - and get a new girlfriend.	1.4146	0.05764	123	82	31	10
699	He doesn't want to be your best friend anymore.	1.4145	0.05151	152	101	39	12
700	Unfortunately, the 401K-9 is non-negotiable.	1.4140	0.04656	157	102	46	9
701	He agrees to give up the ball if you acknowledge he's a good boy.	1.4140	0.04734	186	125	45	16
702	Just sign here. There's a good boy.	1.4138	0.05672	145	101	28	16
703	No, actually pre-pup agreements like this have become quite common.	1.4138	0.04760	174	115	46	13
704	All of our applicants are thoroughly vetted.	1.4136	0.04965	162	110	38	14
705	Stop snoring and he'll stop barking.	1.4135	0.05559	133	89	33	11
706	He claims he did not eat your homework.	1.4135	0.05350	133	87	37	9
707	It turns out his bark isn’t worse than his bite.”	1.4132	0.04971	167	112	41	14
708	I'm working pro bone-o."	1.4132	0.05184	167	115	35	17
709	Fluffy sites irreconcilable differences due to your refusal to part with the vacuum and the cat.	1.4130	0.05608	138	94	31	13
710	He said you gave his children away and didn’t properly compensate him.	1.4130	0.05187	184	131	30	23
711	he gets the backyard, you can keep the house	1.4129	0.05079	155	103	40	12
712	Any property damaged by chewing was instinctual and without malice so will not be reimbursed	1.4127	0.05494	126	85	31	10
713	And lastly, you will refrain from the b-word.	1.4125	0.04511	160	108	41	11
714	My advice is to roll over	1.4125	0.04807	160	104	46	10
715	It's his emancipation papers. In dog years he is 21.	1.4124	0.04837	177	119	43	15
716	It’s your choice. Our severance package or the dog.	1.4121	0.05157	165	113	36	16
717	You're being sued for repeatedly faking the ball throw.	1.4121	0.04862	165	109	44	12
718	All he wants is custody of the kids and the tennis ball.	1.4115	0.04507	192	127	51	14
719	And further more , you throw it you fetch it.	1.4114	0.05168	158	107	37	14
720	He just wants to be best friends with another man.	1.4109	0.05678	129	87	31	11
721	Rover just wants to cut the leash and move on.	1.4109	0.05460	129	85	35	9
722	I’m sorry but we’re giving the promotion to someone who displays a little more loyalty.	1.4109	0.05887	129	89	27	13
723	As part of your severance package, we are offering you an emotional support dog	1.4106	0.05255	151	102	36	13
724	You'll find the paperwork is in order. My client is leaving you, though he's willing to amicably split custody of your wife.	1.4106	0.05255	151	102	36	13
725	Sorry sir, but your dog will have custody of the children.	1.4101	0.05287	139	92	37	10
726	Who rescued whom, indeed?	1.4101	0.05668	139	96	29	14
727	Then it's agreed - my client gets the house, you get the crate.	1.4097	0.05113	144	97	36	11
728	... And you agree to rethink the name "Fluffy."	1.4094	0.05739	127	86	30	11
729	Can you handle reporting to a female?	1.4094	0.05629	127	85	32	10
730	The cat won't be necessary any longer.	1.4094	0.05217	149	100	37	12
731	Answer one question: Who's a good boy?"	1.4094	0.05217	149	100	37	12
732	My client does not wish to speak at this time.	1.4094	0.05224	171	120	32	19
733	Unfortunately, your mother left her entire estate to her cherished companion sitting on my left.	1.4091	0.05886	132	92	26	14
734	... two hundred pounds of kibble annually, and the dog house in the Hamptons.	1.4091	0.05372	132	87	36	9
735	He doesn’t want to be your best friend.	1.4091	0.05818	110	72	31	7
736	Include the doghouse in the Hamptons or we walk away.	1.4091	0.05098	154	103	39	12
737	My client agrees to share custody of the backyard and reserves visitation rights every other weekend to drink from the toilet.	1.4091	0.05372	132	87	36	9
738	No dry food and quit saying "heel" and we have a deal.	1.4088	0.04985	159	106	41	12
739	I’m sorry but she wants sole custody of the squeaky toy.	1.4083	0.05065	169	116	37	16
740	This complaint states that for the past two years my client has been unduly burdened by being forced to retrieve tennis balls which you were attempting to throw away in a public park."	1.4082	0.05086	147	97	40	10
741	Organic treats. Private kennel. And a daily brushing. That’s our final offer.	1.4082	0.05440	147	101	32	14
742	And finally, this states you agree my client is not broken and so does not need to be "fixed."	1.4080	0.05576	125	83	33	9
743	He would like to present a flea bargain for your review	1.4079	0.05143	152	107	30	15
744	Being a pandemic puppy, he had every right to expect you'd never leave the house.	1.4076	0.04946	157	104	42	11
745	My client would like all the dog food, his frisbee, and half the socks and tennis balls in this separation	1.4076	0.05028	157	105	40	12
746	He asks that you just be a good boy and sign it, Craig.	1.4076	0.04702	184	124	45	15
747	My client claims that on the 25th of last month you forced him to wear a Christmas sweater and booties.	1.4071	0.05450	140	95	33	12
748	Is this the unfinished homework you are accusing my client of eating"	1.4071	0.05635	140	97	29	14
749	We are keeping your dog on board; he's good for company morale. But we have to let you go because you are not.	1.4068	0.05396	177	129	24	24
750	Here's our best offer: you stop delivering the mail and he agrees to stop biting you.	1.4062	0.05810	128	88	28	12
751	The main thing we're looking for here is loyalty.	1.4060	0.05341	133	88	36	9
752	Congratulations! The search to fill the position of Quality Control Inspector in our pet food division has narrowed to two candidates.	1.4060	0.05550	133	90	32	11
753	How much is that doggie in the window, you ask? I'm going to show you a number.	1.4056	0.05180	143	95	38	10
754	Sorry, but the Frisbee is non-negotiable.	1.4056	0.04641	180	120	47	13
755	Online, no one knows he’s a dog.	1.4050	0.05699	121	81	31	9
756	My client is a very good boy and is hereby demanding the following.	1.4049	0.04616	163	113	37	13
757	The fire hydrant is non-negotiable.	1.4049	0.05048	163	111	38	14
758	These are his non-negotiables should you wish to adopt him.	1.4048	0.05875	126	87	27	12
759	With this document, you agree that he's a good boy'.	1.4048	0.05766	126	86	29	11
760	Unconditional love at affordable prices.	1.4041	0.05286	146	99	35	12
761	Our offer - He gets use of the dog house, the kids every other weekend and unlimited freedom to chase all the squirrels in your backyard	1.4041	0.05286	146	99	35	12
762	Before we proceed, you must stipulate that Fluffy is, ipso facto, “a good boy”.	1.4040	0.05162	151	102	37	12
763	By signing, you agree to remove all fences, physical and invisible.	1.4040	0.05076	151	101	39	11
764	My client requests more stick throwing during the week.	1.4038	0.04963	156	104	41	11
765	I'm happy to tell you, you've passed the sniff test.	1.4038	0.04963	156	104	41	11
766	My client directs me to serve your walking papers.	1.4035	0.04434	171	115	45	11
767	We agree to pay the amount specified for the leg humping incident but I'll need you to sign a non-disclosure agreement,	1.4034	0.04779	176	119	43	14
768	The tennis balls are all yours, but my client is adamant about the squeaky toy	1.4034	0.04913	176	121	39	16
769	My client is also asking for the return of his testicles.	1.4034	0.06123	119	83	24	12
770	My client would like you to put in writing that he is a good dog.	1.4033	0.04816	181	124	41	16
771	It’s our standard pre-pup.	1.4032	0.05482	124	82	34	8
772	It's like we don't speak the same language sometimes.	1.4031	0.05560	129	87	32	10
773	Sparky is telling me your vaccinations are not up to date.	1.4031	0.05980	129	91	24	14
774	Trust me. When you read the list of demands you’ll stop referring to my client as ‘good boy’.	1.4030	0.05309	134	89	36	9
775	It's to verify that you're a good boy.	1.4029	0.05376	139	94	34	11
776	He’s willing to negotiate child custody, but from now on you have to chase the mailman.	1.4027	0.05464	149	104	30	15
777	And in this one,my client stipulates that you must take the cat.	1.4026	0.05413	154	108	30	16
778	It's a standard 'Prepup' --stipulating for three walks daily and couch access	1.4025	0.04937	159	109	37	13
779	Walk my client or my client is walking."	1.4024	0.04871	164	110	42	12
780	Final offer: You agree to get fixed as punishment for getting this good boy fixed or we take this to trial.	1.4023	0.05150	174	123	32	19
781	Final offer; he's late for doggie daycare.	1.4023	0.04268	174	120	42	12
782	Yes,when the dog dies,you are the primary beneficiary. It’s all explained here.	1.4019	0.05918	107	71	29	7
783	You must have heard your mother say he's a member of the family a thousand times. I'd take this offer.	1.4016	0.06122	122	86	23	13
784	He wants custody of your wife.	1.4015	0.05974	132	94	23	15
785	Remember: while you were out earning a high wage for ten years, he was at home being a good dog.	1.4015	0.05124	137	90	39	8
786	The contract, like Max, is fixed.	1.4014	0.05199	142	95	37	10
787	I advise you not to pick a bone with my client.	1.4012	0.04912	162	109	41	12
788	He wants to live with your wife.	1.4012	0.05501	162	117	25	20
789	You have two weeks to train your replacement.	1.4012	0.05215	162	113	33	16
790	She's willing to settle for treats.	1.4000	0.04675	170	113	46	11
791	Don't get too upset. The salary is calculated in dog years.	1.4000	0.04915	150	99	42	9
792	I'm sorry but Jack says you just don't pass the smell test.	1.4000	0.05345	140	95	34	11
793	Try an offer worthy of your best friend.	1.4000	0.04998	165	113	38	14
794	It's just like a prenup, but covers puppy support and the doghouse.	1.4000	0.04835	130	82	44	4
795	He handles our rollovers.	1.4000	0.05525	130	88	32	10
796	She doesn’t insist on a full pre-nup but she does need a firm commitment you won’t return her to the kennel after Covid.	1.3990	0.04650	203	142	41	20
797	If you’ll just sign here, the pooch will have your wife on alternate weekends.	1.3987	0.05153	158	109	35	14
798	In this offer, he retains full custody of the good blanket but we feel this number of dogs treats is quite generous.	1.3987	0.05153	158	109	35	14
799	Are you ready to be a good boy?	1.3986	0.05357	143	98	33	12
800	He may be your best friend now,but a prenuptial agreement is still a good idea	1.3986	0.05357	143	98	33	12
801	The neutering clause is unacceptable unless it is mutual.	1.3985	0.05840	133	94	25	14
802	He says you’re no longer his best friend either.	1.3985	0.05436	133	90	33	10
803	Now beg.	1.3984	0.05243	128	84	37	7
804	And he gets to pick your name	1.3975	0.05380	161	115	28	18
805	I think we can do this amicably...Fido just wants the doghouse, that big ham bone in the fridge and the upstairs toilet. Okay?	1.3974	0.05239	151	104	34	13
806	Your application doesn't pass the smell test.	1.3972	0.05409	141	97	32	12
807	My client will agree to the bark collar as long as you wear a speech collar so he can zap you every time you say something stupid.	1.3971	0.05451	136	93	32	11
808	Sorry - doesn't pass the sniff test.	1.3969	0.05384	131	88	34	9
809	It's not a big ask... just throw him a bone.	1.3968	0.05530	126	85	32	9
810	My client cannot be your emotional support animal until he's financially supported.	1.3961	0.05081	154	105	37	12
811	If you want a divorce, he insists on going with your wife,	1.3961	0.05081	154	105	37	12
812	Come on, Sign. Sign, sign, siiiggn…come on be a good boy.	1.3960	0.04932	149	99	41	9
813	We've whittled the candidates to the two of you. As the final step, we need to see you both eat this homework.	1.3960	0.05456	149	105	29	15
814	We take our adoptions very seriously.	1.3958	0.05506	144	101	29	14
815	As your dog's legal representative, I must inform you that "Good Boy" is no longer sufficient. Henceforth, he shall be referred to as "Spike, the Best Dog in the Whole Wide World".	1.3958	0.05046	144	96	39	9
816	Whereas, my client agrees he was at one time man's best friend, it's now clear the relationship has taken a turn and it's best for all parties to accept the current reality. Or, said another way, 'Go fetch yourself.'	1.3958	0.05680	144	103	25	16
817	So, are you going to be OK reporting to a dog?	1.3952	0.05022	167	116	36	15
818	My client wants you to be constantly available.	1.3952	0.05093	167	117	34	16
819	Now we'll see who wants to be a good boy	1.3951	0.05058	162	112	36	14
820	Due to years of pretending to throw something during fetch and asking Toby where it went in a cute voice, my client would like full custody of his squeaker toy.	1.3950	0.06111	119	84	23	12
821	He's willing to forego his half of the Hampton's house in exchange for the rest of the wet food.	1.3949	0.04930	157	106	40	11
822	Once you sign, Rover will be officially awarded custody of your ex-wife.	1.3947	0.05294	152	106	32	14
823	He’s good with you getting the bed, but the couch and the corner chair are his!	1.3946	0.04880	147	97	42	8
824	Kiki wants all the dog houses,including Cape Cod.	1.3944	0.04694	180	123	43	14
825	My client Mr. Snurffles emphasizes that the belly rub clause is non-negotiable.	1.3944	0.04943	142	96	37	9
826	This contract gives her 70% of the profits from social media, merchandise, memes and personal appearances as a pet influencer.	1.3944	0.05092	142	95	38	9
827	A lifetime of devotion for food and walks -- I'd take it.	1.3944	0.05285	142	97	34	11
828	He'll take the doghouse, along with with dog biscuits for life.	1.3939	0.05666	132	92	28	12
829	Be thankful. You're getting a significantly better deal than the cat.	1.3938	0.04783	160	107	43	10
830	We don’t give bonuses but we do give lots of treats.	1.3933	0.05085	150	102	37	11
831	Ruffles has already marked all the territory she wants to keep in the divorce.	1.3932	0.05816	117	80	28	9
832	You will now be contractually obligated to be best friends.	1.3931	0.04922	145	96	41	8
833	If you sign Ruxton here on as 'Carne Dog Food' taster, one of you doesn't have to wear a tie ever again.	1.3929	0.06387	112	80	20	12
834	He claims you humped his leg first.	1.3929	0.05335	140	96	33	11
835	As part of mediation, Mr. Whiskers proposes that if you choose his sweaters, he gets to choose yours	1.3926	0.05267	135	91	35	9
836	... and you stipulate that Bonkers is, in fact, a very good boy.	1.3923	0.05514	130	89	31	10
837	All standard stuff: Walks per day, supply of slippers to chew.	1.3919	0.05131	148	101	36	11
838	My client is asking the studio for twenty million upfront cash, twenty percent of the first-dollar gross, and of course no vacuum cleaners on set.	1.3913	0.06012	115	80	25	10
839	We also offer a 401 K9 plan...	1.3909	0.06071	110	76	25	9
840	My client thinks the time for talk about better kibble has passed.	1.3906	0.05111	128	84	38	6
841	I believe we can make this work, but my client would also like you to throw in the couch.	1.3906	0.05572	128	88	30	10
842	So, no contact during the separation phase...of course, you'll still need to pick up poop.	1.3905	0.04830	169	121	32	16
843	He claims you kept him on a pretty tight leash.	1.3902	0.05244	123	81	36	6
844	This is our best offer. Give it a sniff.	1.3902	0.04184	123	81	39	3
845	My client is suing on the grounds of emotional abuse and verbal harassment. Does the nickname “Mr. Poopy Butt” ring any bells?	1.3901	0.05257	141	99	30	12
846	We are willing to concede all demands for one thing: the cat has to go.	1.3897	0.05441	136	94	31	11
847	Sorry to start late. He had to circle his chair three times.	1.3895	0.04697	172	117	43	12
848	The 'no cats' clause is non-negotiable.	1.3893	0.05372	131	89	33	9
849	To conclude the interview, my colleague Rex here will sniff your butt.	1.3893	0.05372	131	89	33	9
850	Take it or leave it. My client's days of begging are over.	1.3893	0.05372	131	89	33	9
851	And then we come to the issue of snacks…	1.3893	0.05013	149	101	38	10
852	My client is generously offering you the leash, crate, and nail clippers. He asks only for the liver treats, squeaky ball, and ongoing use of the dog walker.	1.3889	0.05517	126	86	31	9
853	We just don't think you're a dog person.	1.3889	0.05709	108	72	30	6
854	This memorializes your agreement to relinquish all claims to alpha-dog status in exchange for a 30% reduction in unprovoked barking.	1.3889	0.05036	144	97	38	9
855	He said you have separation anxiety.	1.3885	0.05356	139	96	32	11
856	If you don't agree to her terms she's prepared to walk.	1.3884	0.06140	121	87	21	13
857	If you would, scratch and sniff here.	1.3882	0.04949	170	119	36	15
858	Under these terms of the divorce, he'll keep the sofa but you can have the cat.	1.3882	0.04764	152	106	35	11
859	Unfortunately,not being allowed on the couch IS grounds for divorce.	1.3882	0.04944	152	103	39	10
860	We'll hire you if you pass the sniff test.	1.3881	0.05495	134	93	30	11
861	She likes you a lot but she still wants you to sign a pre-puptual agreement.	1.3881	0.05287	134	91	34	9
862	And by signing here you acknowledge that Meatball does get your wife in the divorce.	1.3878	0.05239	147	102	33	12
863	He's claiming negligence as regards your abrupt return to the office.	1.3876	0.05537	129	89	30	10
864	He gets the cat every other weekend.	1.3876	0.05537	129	89	30	10
865	Mr. Fluffers wants to retain custody of his bowl, his house, and your favorite slippers. He says you can keep the tub if things remain civil.	1.3875	0.05093	160	112	34	14
866	My client proposes increasing fetch to three times each week and adding recliner privileges.	1.3874	0.05456	111	73	33	5
867	You're our first Emotional Support Human...Sign here!	1.3874	0.05748	111	75	29	7
868	Remember, she is no longer your best friend	1.3873	0.04777	142	93	43	6
869	It's either her or the cat. Your choice. Final offer.	1.3871	0.05692	124	86	28	10
870	As per the prenup, anything he peed on in the course of the relationship is his.	1.3871	0.04877	155	105	40	10
871	He gets to neuter you in the settlement	1.3869	0.05408	137	95	31	11
872	A hand print will do...	1.3869	0.05603	137	97	27	13
873	He's willing to take on your case pro bono.	1.3868	0.06226	106	74	23	9
874	He wants you to know it's him- not you	1.3867	0.05333	150	106	30	14
875	Max would like you to stop stealing his poop, and splitting his treats in half.	1.3866	0.05612	119	81	30	8
876	What will it be? Couples counseling or obedience school?	1.3862	0.05196	145	100	34	11
877	She wants the woof over your head too.	1.3860	0.06293	114	82	20	12
878	While I think you have great qualifications Rex has some further questions.	1.3857	0.05227	140	96	34	10
879	And for compensation, he'd like you to have your testicles removed.	1.3857	0.05514	140	99	28	13
880	Surely you agree that we need more diversity on the board.	1.3857	0.05420	140	98	30	12
881	This one addresses my client's slander lawsuit related to your long history of "dog ate it" allegations.	1.3857	0.05027	140	94	38	8
882	I’m glad your dog brought you comfort in quarantine and I enjoyed meeting him. However, you did not need to bring him to your interview.	1.3852	0.05755	122	85	27	10
883	You must agree that bitches be crazy.	1.3852	0.05758	135	97	24	14
884	My client requires written confirmation of who, in fact, is a good boy.	1.3851	0.04750	161	109	42	10
885	Fluffy wants a divorce unless you stop breaking the treats into smaller pieces.	1.3846	0.05928	117	82	25	10
886	Here are the terms of the divorce. The Vacuum cleaner goes, access to the toilet bowl remains. Walkies on demand. You are allowed to stay in the house, all dog food henceforward is canned.	1.3846	0.05429	143	101	29	13
887	He finds "Whose a good boy?" demeaning and power driven.	1.3846	0.05244	143	99	33	11
888	He also wants the beach house and joint custody of the small humans.	1.3841	0.05304	151	107	30	14
889	Unconditional loyalty only goes so far. Bringing home even a stray cat cannot be tolerated.	1.3841	0.05847	138	101	21	16
890	Buddy would like to keep your slippers.	1.3841	0.05376	138	96	31	11
891	Yes,but for her it was 28 years,which entitles her to more of the common property.	1.3841	0.05277	138	95	33	10
892	If you’ll refer to pawnote 2 on page 43…”	1.3838	0.06042	99	67	26	6
893	He will give up the house and car, but the tennis balls and pee carpet are non-negotiable.	1.3838	0.06533	99	70	20	9
894	This will end the pet and pet owner best friend relationship.	1.3832	0.05734	107	72	29	6
895	This will only take a minute. My client can’t stay long.	1.3832	0.06034	107	74	25	8
896	…and in exchange, you agree not to attempt to teach him any more new tricks.	1.3831	0.04805	154	104	41	9
897	My client insists you still haven't clarified your position on cats.	1.3824	0.05119	136	92	36	8
898	This is a codicil to the fifth paragraph concerning Rule 3 negating the need to come when called.”	1.3822	0.04993	157	109	36	12
899	Of course both of you want what’s best for the children.	1.3821	0.05599	123	85	29	9
900	We prize loyalty above all else.	1.3819	0.05025	144	98	37	9
901	He's very adept at sniffing out the best candidates.	1.3817	0.05574	131	92	28	11
902	You screwed the pooch. Now, the pooch is screwing you.	1.3816	0.04845	152	103	40	9
903	She's in charge, I'm just her secretary.	1.3813	0.05043	139	94	37	8
904	Question #1 for your interview: the leash breaks and you see a cat, a squirrel and a mailman. Which do you chase and why?	1.3813	0.05721	139	101	23	15
905	I'll advise you once more to get an actual lawyer.	1.3810	0.05387	126	86	32	8
906	She wants to know if you are too old to learn new tricks	1.3810	0.05317	147	104	30	13
907	My client wishes to inform you that he is no longer your best friend.	1.3810	0.05958	105	72	26	7
908	You can keep the dog house as you're already in it.	1.3810	0.05504	126	87	30	9
909	All we need now is your signature on the Pre-pup.	1.3807	0.04750	176	125	36	15
910	Doggie Divorce: All he wants is the front and backyards, the dog house, his bone and a few squeaky toys.	1.3806	0.05167	134	91	35	8
911	If it makes you feel any better, you were our second choice.	1.3806	0.05585	134	95	27	12
912	500 words. What it means to be a best friend. Go.	1.3806	0.05380	134	93	31	10
913	As your attorney, I strong advise a flea bargain.	1.3805	0.05939	113	79	25	9
914	Four walks a day and he gets to sniff your crotch when no one else is home, final offer.	1.3803	0.05357	142	100	30	12
915	Just throw him a bone.	1.3802	0.05898	121	86	24	11
916	She wants you out of the house by Friday. And she wants to know where you keep the treats.	1.3800	0.06159	100	69	24	7
917	It’s a ‘pup-nup’.	1.3798	0.05633	129	91	27	11
918	Your best friend wants to be included in your will.	1.3798	0.05300	129	88	33	8
919	My client has retained me to rub your nose in this.	1.3796	0.05592	137	98	26	13
920	Could you at least throw us a bone?	1.3796	0.04874	137	91	40	6
921	My client would like you to have custody of the vacuum.	1.3796	0.05495	137	97	28	12
922	A generous offer, but my client is firm regarding his “good boy” status.	1.3796	0.05495	137	97	28	12
923	Sorry, we are looking for someone with more dog walking experience	1.3793	0.04900	145	98	39	8
924	She just wants the shoes	1.3790	0.05443	124	85	31	8
925	Sign here and then we can shake on it.	1.3788	0.05217	132	90	34	8
926	He’s working pro bone-o	1.3788	0.05434	132	92	30	10
927	He says you're not a good boy.	1.3786	0.05313	140	98	31	11
928	Here's this weeks Pro Bono case.	1.3784	0.05110	148	103	34	11
929	After discussing with my client, he seems willing to drop the suit if you agree to address him as a good boy.	1.3782	0.04927	156	108	37	11
930	A think we can all agree that snapping him to a zipline doesn't count as a walk.	1.3782	0.05336	119	80	33	6
931	Just sign here, sir, and you will be officially adopted.	1.3782	0.05336	119	80	33	6
932	This is a cease and desist order to stop throwing away his stick	1.3780	0.05115	127	85	36	6
933	Our new CEO seems to like your scent. You’re hired.” -Alison K. Burns; Salisbury, Massachusett	1.3778	0.05243	135	93	33	9
934	Mandatory: Five walks a day, shared bed at night, and steak for breakfast. The squeaky toy is optional.	1.3774	0.04861	159	110	38	11
935	Our opening offer is four walks and three treats per day with no baths for six months.	1.3772	0.06279	114	83	19	12
936	Who's the bitch now?	1.3772	0.05896	114	80	25	9
937	Rover from HR is here for emotional support.	1.3770	0.05500	122	84	30	8
938	Yes. Pet adoptions have become much more complicated. Did you bring your tax returns for the past 4 years?	1.3770	0.05375	122	83	32	7
939	My client has agreed to chase any and all thrown tennis balls but is no longer contractually obligated to bring them back.	1.3769	0.05267	130	89	33	8
940	This is your cease and desist notice to immediately stop using the vacuum.	1.3769	0.05380	130	90	31	9
941	It's in the best interest of the puppy.	1.3768	0.04954	138	93	38	7
942	We figured he was more personable than someone from HR.	1.3768	0.05558	138	99	26	13
943	Your 'best friend' defense does not negate my client's right to a living wage!	1.3768	0.05265	138	96	32	10
944	We all work like dogs here.	1.3768	0.04565	138	97	33	8
945	Once you sign, you can find a new best friend.	1.3766	0.05299	154	111	28	15
946	We’d like to know if you can learn new tricks.	1.3762	0.05946	101	69	26	6
947	It’s a dog eat man world.	1.3761	0.05498	109	73	31	5
948	Did’t you say Mr. Paddywack, Give the dog a loan?	1.3760	0.05408	125	86	31	8
949	Pay attention to the first three paragraphs. The rest is just doggerel.	1.3759	0.04961	133	89	38	6
950	Just as we promised, you are not being replaced by a machine.	1.3759	0.05185	133	91	34	8
951	You can have the house and everything else, he just wants that cat.	1.3759	0.05377	141	100	29	12
952	It’s your standard pre-puptial agreement.	1.3758	0.05082	149	104	34	11
953	He is willing to move forward with the adoption, this his list of demands starting with, and this is a deal killer, no neutering.	1.3758	0.05224	157	113	29	15
954	Where do you see yourself in 35 dog-years?	1.3750	0.05320	128	88	32	8
955	In return, my client gets full custody of the bed.	1.3750	0.05320	128	88	32	8
956	You can sleep in the bed on Wednesdays.	1.3750	0.05517	136	97	27	12
957	He helps us determine who's a good boy.	1.3750	0.05925	120	86	23	11
958	I advise you to toss him a bone.	1.3741	0.05217	147	104	31	12
959	If your caption is better than his we’ll enter it in this week’s contest.	1.3741	0.05184	139	99	29	11
960	Throw me a bone here.	1.3741	0.05031	139	95	36	8
961	He says if you don’t sign, things for you will be ruff.	1.3740	0.05561	131	93	27	11
962	Your separation anxiety has become a problem, and my client needs to let you go. He will agree to let you walk him every other weekend.	1.3739	0.05235	115	79	30	6
963	Just so I understand, if your dog pre-deceases you, you want your wife to be your beneficiary?	1.3734	0.05642	158	120	17	21
964	Longer walks, and unlimited toilet water access.	1.3732	0.05530	142	103	25	14
965	I hope you don't have any outdated attitudes about female executives.	1.3732	0.05252	142	100	31	11
966	Please sign under the statement, “There is only one best dog in the whole wide world.”	1.3732	0.05156	142	99	33	10
967	She's your supervisor, and if you call her a bitch again, you'll no longer be working for us.	1.3732	0.05156	142	99	33	10
968	You might call it a legal bone of contention.'	1.3731	0.05154	134	92	34	8
969	He'll do the baths if you can get rid of the cat.	1.3730	0.05253	126	86	33	7
970	It’s her pre-Pup agreement for you to sign.	1.3729	0.05077	118	78	36	4
971	My client has agreed to your proposal but with one stipulation; you wear the leash.	1.3725	0.05154	153	109	31	13
972	The dog has full custody if the apartment and your son.	1.3725	0.05899	102	70	26	6
973	You will stop the baby-talk and he will resume bringing your slippers.	1.3723	0.05675	137	100	23	14
974	My client would like you to take the lead.	1.3723	0.05076	137	94	35	8
975	My client wants you to know that you have also been a 'good boy' over the years, and he hopes there are no hard feelings, as it's just a business decision.	1.3716	0.05276	148	106	29	13
976	Just mark on the three yellow spots.	1.3714	0.06240	105	75	21	9
977	About the 401K-9. . .	1.3711	0.05920	97	66	26	5
978	Who's the good boy now?	1.3711	0.06442	97	69	20	8
979	She wants you to sign this pre-pup.	1.3710	0.06110	124	92	18	14
980	You can keep the vacuum cleaner, but he won't budge on the big stick in the backyard	1.3710	0.05664	124	88	26	10
981	My client's position is that you sit, stay and sign on the dotted line.	1.3710	0.05428	124	86	30	8
982	Scout here will shepard you through the onboarding process.	1.3710	0.05779	124	89	24	11
983	My client wishes you the best - and hopefully you will never cheat with that bitch again.	1.3710	0.06110	124	92	18	14
984	And this requires no fewer than sixteen per session. If your arm goes, you will be expected to procure a "ball-throwy-stick thing".	1.3707	0.06187	116	85	19	12
985	So there you have it . You are no longer Man and Best Friend	1.3704	0.05437	135	96	28	11
986	This stipulates that Max is the only acceptable answer to “Who’s a good boy?”	1.3704	0.06113	108	77	22	9
987	Going forward, any demands that my client roll over will have to be submitted through me.	1.3704	0.05123	135	93	34	8
988	Please lift a leg and leave your scent-mark in this area here	1.3701	0.05788	127	92	23	12
989	My client's lawsuit contends that you faked throwing his squeaky ball with malicious intent.	1.3701	0.05679	127	91	25	11
990	Sign below the paw print.	1.3701	0.04848	127	84	39	4
991	Here are your walking papers, you'll need a leash.	1.3701	0.05788	127	92	23	12
992	He’s suing you for defamation of character by calling him “Mr. Stinky.”	1.3699	0.05052	146	102	34	10
993	My client accepts that you keep the house and your wife, he gets the yard and tennis balls.	1.3697	0.05451	119	82	30	7
994	It's a court order to say "lie down," not "lay down."	1.3697	0.05951	119	86	22	11
995	My neutered client's demand is to be called a 'good it'.	1.3696	0.05252	138	97	31	10
996	Do you have any difficulty reporting to a dog?	1.3696	0.05047	138	95	35	8
997	...and finally you always actually THROW the ball.	1.3696	0.05352	138	98	29	11
998	Be a good boy and sign it.	1.3692	0.05253	130	90	32	8
999	It’s our final offer. Compliant baths in exchange for an extra walk and 30 per cent more of the bed.	1.3689	0.05843	122	88	23	11
1000	You get the house, he gets the kids!	1.3689	0.05484	122	85	29	8
1001	Looks like you don't have a dog in this fight.	1.3689	0.05100	122	82	35	5
1002	We'd like to thank you for your service, Johnson, but Rover is much more popular with the clients.	1.3684	0.05746	114	80	26	8
1003	Perhaps it's time for you to review the Belly Rub clause.	1.3684	0.05879	114	81	24	9
1004	After you sign this paperwork, you will be out of the doghouse.	1.3684	0.04999	152	107	34	11
1005	She says you get to keep the doghouse.	1.3684	0.05171	133	92	33	8
1006	He wants you to sign off before he’ll shake.	1.3684	0.05086	152	108	32	12
1007	It's the standard pre-puptial agreement	1.3684	0.05387	133	94	29	10
1008	We have a very formal process... unfortunately our last dog walker owned several cats	1.3684	0.05171	133	92	33	8
1009	You get to visit the couch on weekends.	1.3680	0.05148	125	85	34	6
1010	She wants to know if you pet on the first date.	1.3680	0.04891	125	83	38	4
1011	This one says organic buffalo only	1.3677	0.04146	155	108	40	7
1012	I'm sorry, but he's found a new alpha.	1.3675	0.05374	117	80	31	6
1013	Oh yeah Mr 'works like a dog!', it turns out Rover over here has outperformed you in picking stocks for each of the last three months!	1.3672	0.05750	128	93	23	12
1014	My colleague here wants you to know that we take all kinds of diversity very seriously.	1.3672	0.05305	128	89	31	8
1015	In this dog-eat-dog world I'm afraid your companion has the leverage.	1.3670	0.05779	109	76	26	7
1016	And by your signature on this form, you are certifying that Spot is indeed a "good boy".	1.3670	0.04991	109	71	36	2
1017	Yes you have to sign the no biting clause.	1.3670	0.05631	109	77	25	7
1018	According to the nine-tenths rule, Sammy now owns your bed.	1.3670	0.05631	109	75	28	6
1019	He’s requesting the barkalounge and the giant plushie bear.	1.3667	0.05149	120	81	34	5
1020	In his will, he's leaving you the ball.	1.3667	0.05909	120	87	22	11
1021	He comes to work happy and I can scratch his head, that’s why he’s getting a promotion.	1.3667	0.05043	150	106	33	11
1022	My client says that two walks a day and a "Good boy" are now insufficient. He wants a new squeaky toy and stock options, too.	1.3667	0.05667	120	85	26	9
1023	We're quite confident the jury will agree my client is "a very good boy."	1.3664	0.05220	131	91	32	8
1024	My client doesn't care you didn't realise from the internet that he was a dog.	1.3663	0.06089	101	71	23	7
1025	Your failure to give my client a second breakfast has left him no choice but to sue.	1.3662	0.05045	142	99	34	9
1026	She says that you put her on a leash only to take your phone out for a walk instead.	1.3661	0.05672	112	78	27	7
1027	I don't care if Sparky's tail was wagging. Touching without consent gets you fired in this office.	1.3661	0.05812	112	79	25	8
1028	THE DOG WANTS INFORMATION ABOUT YOUR PEDIGREE.	1.3659	0.05509	123	91	21	11
1029	Your ex has offered him the Queen bedroom , he wants to know what you will offer.	1.3659	0.05803	123	89	23	11
1030	Legally speaking, my client has no bone to pick with you but he does want the dog house.	1.3656	0.05879	93	63	26	4
1031	That's what you get for signing a "Power of Attorney". The dog is your master now.	1.3652	0.05837	115	82	24	9
1032	It's done. You are no longer best friends.	1.3652	0.05569	115	80	28	7
1033	My client is willing to let you visit the pups on alternate thursdays.	1.3652	0.05569	115	80	28	7
1034	Just sign here and we'll call off the dogs.	1.3652	0.05837	115	82	24	9
1035	The company rewards loyalty. Our colleague here can testify to that.	1.3652	0.05704	115	81	26	8
1036	And lastly, my client retains the right to any bones found on the property.	1.3651	0.05357	126	90	27	9
1037	My client is seeking damages for mental distress caused by what he refers to as multiple“tennis ball throw fake-outs.”	1.3650	0.05371	137	98	28	11
1038	It is fair. Don't forget that You have opposable thumbs.	1.3650	0.05371	137	98	28	11
1039	He's convinced obedience school is the best option for you.	1.3645	0.05376	107	72	31	4
1040	This agreement not to spay was prepared by Pinscher, Schnauzer and Katz, Attorneys at Paw.	1.3645	0.05695	107	74	27	6
1041	And you get to keep the cats.	1.3644	0.05337	118	81	31	6
1042	Sorry but Fido is just not that into you anymore.	1.3644	0.05200	118	80	33	5
1043	Sure. He's my attorney. Why did you ask?	1.3644	0.05730	118	84	25	9
1044	My client is offering the collar, the leash and the entirety of the chew toy collection, but the house is non-negotiable.	1.3643	0.05190	140	99	31	10
1045	I think you'll find his offer both excitable and remarkably short-sighted.	1.3642	0.05088	162	118	29	15
1046	Sign to resign as his Fidociary.	1.3636	0.05512	132	95	26	11
1047	No more boy, good boy, or Mr. Barker. He really just wants you to pick a name and stick with it.	1.3636	0.05209	143	102	30	11
1048	He scored higher on loyalty, so we’re going with him…	1.3636	0.05868	121	88	22	11
1049	The demand is reasonable - four walks a day and and table scraps after holiday meals.	1.3636	0.04597	132	87	42	3
1050	Hopefully no hard feelings. Man's best friend here met a french poodle on the other side of town that made him an offer he couldn't refuse.	1.3636	0.05249	121	83	32	6
1051	Sorry if the pages are a bit dog-eared	1.3636	0.05736	110	77	26	7
1052	Sign here to give him his walking papers.	1.3636	0.06168	99	70	22	7
1053	Fido will adopt you if you sign the contract including unlimited treats,multiple daily walks and his sleeping in your bed.	1.3636	0.05998	99	69	24	6
1054	If you are determined to continue to work from home,these are our terms	1.3636	0.05076	132	91	34	7
1055	Actually, my client claims that you pooped in his yard!	1.3636	0.05512	132	95	26	11
1056	We're now down to Ralph's final, non-negotiable demand, the exchange of houses.	1.3636	0.05298	132	93	30	9
1057	We've covered walks and food. Now we must deal with favorite chairs and TV shows.	1.3630	0.05132	146	104	31	11
1058	Take my advice and sign. My client isn’t afraid to play ruff.	1.3630	0.05216	135	95	31	9
1059	It just certifies Gus as a good boy. A very good boy.	1.3629	0.05532	124	88	27	9
1060	We’re claiming breach of your pre-puptial agreement.	1.3628	0.05905	113	81	23	9
1061	I'm sorry we have to let you go. Our company is going to the dogs.	1.3626	0.06540	91	65	19	7
1062	The original agreement was that you would work from home.	1.3624	0.04968	149	105	34	10
1063	He's an asset hound.	1.3623	0.05033	138	96	34	8
1064	He chased your car, caught it, and now claims it is his.	1.3623	0.05033	138	96	34	8
1065	You’ll be required to stay in a crate overnight during any visits to joint property.	1.3623	0.05437	138	100	26	12
1066	I’m sorry but she left the entire estate to Frisky over here…	1.3622	0.04958	127	86	36	5
1067	This says your barking up the wrong tree	1.3621	0.05923	116	84	22	10
1068	My client demands the right to no longer be a good boy.	1.3621	0.05923	116	84	22	10
1069	Don't ask him to beg.	1.3615	0.05123	130	90	33	7
1070	Sorry, Skippy’s scores are higher.	1.3613	0.05434	119	83	29	7
1071	How are you at fetching?	1.3609	0.05156	133	93	32	8
1072	My client states that on November 3rd you caused him to erroneously believe you'd thrown a ball.	1.3609	0.05373	133	95	28	10
1073	He wants you to keep the leash.	1.3609	0.05156	133	93	32	8
1074	It’s her prepuptial agreement.	1.3607	0.05468	122	86	28	8
1075	Accept his final offer if you want to keep the cat.	1.3607	0.05468	122	86	28	8
1076	Sorry Jenkins, you didn't pass the sniff test.	1.3605	0.05194	147	106	29	12
1077	My client has a bone to pick with you, Mr. Wickham	1.3605	0.06280	86	62	18	6
1078	His final offer is to give you the doghouse and visitation rights to the cat.	1.3604	0.05836	111	79	24	8
1079	He’s become accustomed to a certain lifestyle.	1.3603	0.05490	136	99	25	12
1080	Then it's agreed. Duke gets the dog house and the chew toys, and you get the vacuum cleaner and the cat.	1.3602	0.05179	161	119	26	16
1081	We've been digging up a lot of dirt on you.	1.3600	0.05949	100	70	24	6
1082	It’s a Pre-Pup.	1.3600	0.05131	125	86	33	6
1083	She wants full custody of the tennis ball.	1.3600	0.05131	125	86	33	6
1084	I'm sorry. He prefers someone who smells more like bacon.	1.3597	0.05003	139	97	34	8
1085	Rover wants the SUV	1.3597	0.05055	139	100	29	10
1086	The terms are fair since you were the one who introduced my client to her dog walker.	1.3596	0.05727	114	81	25	8
1087	He wants you to know,he knows where the bones are buried.	1.3596	0.05861	114	82	23	9
1088	You can have the crate. She would like the master bed.	1.3596	0.05992	114	83	21	10
1089	Are you a good boy? Are you?	1.3596	0.06636	89	64	18	7
1090	Snowball has many cash offers on the dog house. Would you consider waving the inspection?	1.3594	0.05404	128	91	28	9
1091	You can have the house, but we get full custody of the yard.	1.3592	0.05664	103	71	27	5
1092	She wants to be emancipated.	1.3592	0.04931	142	99	35	8
1093	He's not willing to give up the beach house, but you can have the car	1.3590	0.05355	117	81	30	6
1094	Bad Boy. Sit. Sign.	1.3590	0.05624	117	83	26	8
1095	You'll both have 10 minutes to complete the test.	1.3588	0.05533	131	95	25	11
1096	My client has provided ample evidence showing he is in fact a good boy. He will be seeking damages for all utterances of “bad dog” and requires compensation in form of extra belly rubs.	1.3587	0.05902	92	63	25	4
1097	The cat must remain at least 25ft away at all times	1.3586	0.05332	145	106	26	13
1098	We’re through playing games.	1.3583	0.05650	120	86	25	9
1099	I'm sorry, but Rusty's decided our firm will be his new best friend from here on out.	1.3583	0.05650	120	86	25	9
1100	No more comments comparing his bark to his bite and he agrees to play fetch the ball twice a week	1.3583	0.04850	120	80	37	3
1101	Oh, that's Darla, my emotional support animal. She helps with the crushing guilt from fleecing nice people like yourself.	1.3582	0.05443	134	97	26	11
1102	As per the pre-pup agreement with my client, they are entitled to daily park visitation rights upon moving to the city.	1.3582	0.05125	134	94	32	8
1103	This is the number of treats it will take for him to be a good boy	1.3582	0.05125	134	94	32	8
1104	Face it, either take down the videos or start paying royalties.	1.3579	0.06155	95	67	22	6
1105	He’s tired of learning new tricks	1.3578	0.05905	109	78	23	8
1106	My client has decided to drop the forced neutering charge if you agree to sign off on two walks a day.	1.3578	0.05610	109	76	27	6
1107	Just think next time you pretend throw a ball, okay?	1.3578	0.05610	109	76	27	6
1108	… And as man’s best friend, he is entitled to palimony.	1.3577	0.05787	123	90	22	11
1109	Mr. Johnson, when you read this affidavit, you'll clearly see that it is in fact my client who is, beyond any question, a "good boy."	1.3577	0.05787	123	90	22	11
1110	My client has filed this court order that you cease immediately blaming your flatulence on “the dog”.	1.3571	0.05341	126	89	29	8
1111	We’re asking for full custody of the cat.	1.3571	0.04763	140	96	38	6
1112	Under the terms of the buyout, he will stay on until his replacement is trained.	1.3571	0.05793	112	80	24	8
1113	My client demands access to the whole bed, not just the foot.	1.3571	0.05459	126	90	27	9
1114	We expect you to work like a dog. Any questions?	1.3571	0.07114	84	62	14	8
1115	My client alleges that you've been coming home smelling like other dogs.	1.3571	0.06024	98	69	23	6
1116	‘“She demands custody of your old brown shoe.”	1.3571	0.05797	126	93	21	12
1117	Throw me a bone, Dan.	1.3571	0.06024	98	69	23	6
1118	He wants to keep the kids and the beach house.	1.3566	0.05138	129	90	32	7
1119	It's not everything. She's willing to throw you a bone.	1.3565	0.05818	115	83	23	9
1120	To be clear, Mr. Smith, you are not to call, to text or to communicate with Sparky.	1.3565	0.05818	115	83	23	9
1121	My client wishes to renegotiate the terms of his leash.	1.3561	0.05283	132	94	29	9
1122	It's time for you to roll over.	1.3561	0.05498	132	96	25	11
1123	She's filing for a new owner as you insist on calling her a bitch...	1.3559	0.05318	118	82	30	6
1124	You bring the baggies, he will do the rest.	1.3557	0.05135	149	108	29	12
1125	My client claims you're the whistleblower.	1.3556	0.06183	90	63	22	5
1126	Sir, The PreNup clearly gives her Custody of the Puppies.	1.3554	0.06195	121	92	15	14
1127	Agreed, Snickers will keep the frisbee, all chewy toys, anything buried in the backyard with visitation rights to the kids every other weekend.	1.3554	0.05230	121	84	31	6
1128	Our #1 criteria for hiring new staff is that they be a Good Boy.	1.3551	0.05516	107	74	28	5
1129	He will continue to fetch however you must agree not to dress my client in silly jackets.	1.3551	0.05827	107	76	24	7
1130	Sign and date in dog years, please.	1.3551	0.05018	138	97	33	8
1131	In exchange for always being glad to see you, you agree to three thirty-minute walks per day and June in the Hamptons.	1.3551	0.05224	138	99	29	10
1132	And she promises to not chew on any more of your shoes, if you take her to the dog park twice a week.	1.3551	0.05122	138	98	31	9
1133	As you're his sole heir he's leaving you the the fenced yard, the dog house and any residual kibbles. The cute dog walker gets the rest.	1.3551	0.05122	138	98	31	9
1134	Best friend or not, you're still being let go.	1.3548	0.06047	93	65	23	5
1135	Lastly, five minutes of belly rubs every other day and Charlie agrees to be your best friend forever.	1.3548	0.04734	155	109	37	9
1136	And please initial here indicating your agreement to play 'fetch', as defined in subparagraph (f), at least three times each week, regardless of weather.	1.3548	0.05272	124	87	30	7
1137	I am his attorney, but Rex ipsa loquitor.	1.3545	0.05568	110	77	27	6
1138	Of course you'll keep one of each shoe.	1.3543	0.05306	127	90	29	8
1139	My client refuses to be muzzled !	1.3543	0.04940	127	87	35	5
1140	A dog can instinctively tell when you're lying. Unless you're a cat.	1.3542	0.05920	96	67	24	5
1141	So, Mr. Ruffles has chosen his side in the divorce...	1.3542	0.04875	144	101	35	8
1142	If you don't take this deal, my client is prepared to W.A.L.K.	1.3542	0.06279	96	69	20	7
1143	You’ve won custody of the cat”	1.3540	0.05611	113	80	26	7
1144	These are your barking orders.	1.3540	0.05468	113	79	28	6
1145	If we tell you the answer to "who's a good boy?" will you sign it?	1.3538	0.05335	130	93	28	9
1146	My client wants me to inform you that now it’s your turn to roll over.	1.3535	0.05974	99	70	23	6
1147	The genetic test says you are not my client's biological father. What terms will you meet for him to continue greeting you at the door?	1.3535	0.05974	99	70	23	6
1148	You keep the kennel. He gets the house.	1.3534	0.05645	116	83	25	8
1149	Your dog has left you everything in his will. He hopes you'll do the same.	1.3534	0.05645	116	83	25	8
1150	You can still be friends.	1.3534	0.04914	133	92	35	6
1151	You can work from home Bob, but Barkley will stay with us in the office from now on	1.3534	0.05668	133	99	21	13
1152	Sorry,but Muffy trends better for us....	1.3533	0.04451	150	107	35	8
1153	I’m sorry, Roger. We’ve decided that you’re not a good boy.	1.3529	0.05545	119	85	26	8
1154	We are willing to offer you full and free title to the doghouse as long as you continue living there full time.	1.3529	0.05282	119	83	30	6
1155	Yes in actuality, it is a dog eat dog world.	1.3529	0.05545	119	85	26	8
1156	You can keep the house, Mr. Rumples just wants the backyard.	1.3529	0.05169	136	97	30	9
1157	This last one just states you'll stop picking up his poop. He finds it weird.	1.3529	0.05545	119	85	26	8
1158	This temporary restraining order prohibits you for walking in two specific parks with that other dog that has come into your life.	1.3529	0.05545	119	85	26	8
1159	She accuses you of sleeping with another dog.	1.3529	0.06331	102	75	18	9
1160	You agree to three walks a day and no cats	1.3525	0.05092	139	99	31	9
1161	You must also agree that he will be the top dog...	1.3525	0.06039	122	92	17	13
1162	This contract stipulates you will be HIS best friend.	1.3524	0.05577	105	73	27	5
1163	It is now established who is a good boy. Are YOU a good man?	1.3524	0.05896	105	75	23	7
1164	Just dip your hand in the ink and press it here.	1.3523	0.06672	88	64	17	7
1165	You can keep the doghouse, Mr. Rex just want's the condo in Boca and the Eames chairs	1.3520	0.05112	125	87	32	6
1166	She'll settle if you throw in a bone.	1.3520	0.05359	125	89	28	8
1167	You get the doghouse.	1.3519	0.05782	108	77	24	7
1168	Drool here, here and here.	1.3519	0.06074	108	79	20	9
1169	And my client wants all of the cat’s play toys as well.	1.3519	0.04990	162	119	29	14
1170	I'm sorry, but my client has a new best friend.	1.3516	0.06127	91	64	22	5
1171	He’d like joint custody of the newspaper.	1.3516	0.04909	128	88	35	5
1172	As your dog's attorney, I'm letting you know we are no longer in favor of neutering.	1.3516	0.05272	128	91	29	8
1173	Sign here, and you agree to full couch privileges, and my client will agree to leave all slippers intact.”	1.3516	0.05154	128	90	31	7
1174	He says he wants the house ,but you can have full custody of the cat.	1.3516	0.05500	128	93	25	10
1175	There are some photos of you and a Golden Retriever in this folder. He wants an explanation.	1.3514	0.05673	111	79	25	7
1176	Your job is to feed and walk the dog so he can continue to creatively market for us.	1.3514	0.05673	111	79	25	7
1177	The cat betrayal was too much, though he offers to remain your “good” friend.	1.3511	0.05801	94	65	25	4
1178	It's quite simple Mr. Gordon, either the Cat goes or my client goes.	1.3509	0.05284	114	79	30	5
1179	How does a dog even hire an attorney? Well if you must know, he paid me in Dogecoin.	1.3507	0.05428	134	98	25	11
1180	And here you agree all clothing decisions - including but not limited to sweaters, hats, raingear and especially Halloween costumes - will be arrived at mutually.	1.3505	0.05870	97	68	24	5
1181	As you can see, my client is a very good “man” and hasn’t been a “boy” for over 2 years	1.3500	0.05573	100	69	27	4
1182	because it was supposed to be a dog and PONY show!	1.3500	0.05507	120	86	26	8
1183	My client is prepared to shake on this.	1.3500	0.06093	100	72	21	7
1184	You have to remember this extension is in dog years.	1.3500	0.05507	120	86	26	8
1185	We're proposing an even split of all squeaking toys.	1.3500	0.05925	100	71	23	6
1186	My client is unleashing his demands.	1.3500	0.05246	120	84	30	6
1187	My client requests daily access to the northeast portion of the lawn.	1.3496	0.05413	123	88	27	8
1188	My client is demanding half your assets and visitation rights to the upstairs toilet bowl.	1.3495	0.05468	103	71	28	4
1189	I'd advise you to settle this out of court before you're left sleeping in the dog house.	1.3495	0.06279	103	76	18	9
1190	He says your offer doesn't pass the sniff test.	1.3494	0.06734	83	60	17	6
1191	He wants you to sign this non-disclosure in regards to the 'leg-hug' incident earlier.	1.3493	0.05012	146	105	31	10
1192	Before we get started, can I get you some coffee? Some treats?	1.3492	0.05203	126	89	30	7
1193	.....and finally, she wants to swap houses	1.3491	0.06001	106	77	21	8
1194	At least throw him a bone.	1.3488	0.05121	129	91	31	7
1195	He hired me because he has a bone to pick.	1.3488	0.05238	129	92	29	8
1196	In exchange for you paying obedience school tuition, vet bills and kibble costs my client agrees to allow weekly visitation rights with the pups.	1.3488	0.05352	129	93	27	9
1197	My client is offering to stay off the couch in exchange for you throwing away the can of coins. I think it's a fair compromise.	1.3488	0.04481	172	122	40	10
1198	As assistant to the CEO, your primary responsibility will be to obey his commands."	1.3487	0.04874	152	111	30	11
1199	My client seeks an amicable separation. So, still friend, just not ‘best’ friend.	1.3486	0.05433	109	76	28	5
1200	Have you ever worked for a bitch before?	1.3486	0.06026	109	80	20	9
1201	He proposes at least two walks a day and three on Sunday.	1.3486	0.05587	109	77	26	6
1202	Most people aren't familiar with our pro bono work.	1.3485	0.05482	132	97	24	11
1203	Regretably, the humililation of the Halloween costume was the last straw.	1.3483	0.06210	89	63	21	5
1204	Fluffy wants the house but is willing to throw you a bone.	1.3482	0.05772	112	81	23	8
1205	Let's see who's in the doghouse now.	1.3482	0.05185	112	77	31	4
1206	Paw prints on the dotted line please.	1.3482	0.05412	112	81	24	7
1207	She's willing to give you the doghouse, but she wants the car.	1.3482	0.05185	112	77	31	4
1208	No. The dog represents me.	1.3482	0.05910	112	82	21	9
1209	As your lawyer it's my obligation to tell you that puppy love comes with serious obligations.	1.3481	0.04740	135	93	37	5
1210	I know it's hard for you, but he's of age now and wants his emancipation.	1.3481	0.04483	158	113	37	8
1211	My client has asked that you never, in perpetuity, fake throw the tennis ball again.	1.3478	0.06266	92	66	20	6
1212	My client says, "Nick nack paddy whack Give a dog a bone -- or else!"	1.3478	0.05530	115	82	26	7
1213	This is a Temporary Restraining Order preventing you from spaying my client, dressing her in holiday costumes or balancing treats on her nose until these issues are fully litigated.	1.3478	0.04786	138	96	36	6
1214	Ms. Fido requires this pre-Best Friend agreement, or the adoption is off.	1.3478	0.05390	115	81	28	6
1215	You're being sued for misrepresentation of the word 'fixed.'	1.3478	0.06181	115	87	16	12
1216	You ate the meat around that bone, didn't you?	1.3478	0.06056	115	86	18	11
1217	My client is seeking a new human due to your inadequate belly rubs.	1.3478	0.04949	138	100	29	9
1218	You can keep the house, he just wants the couch.	1.3475	0.04720	141	98	37	6
1219	Oh him? He's just an intern. He'll fetch whatever we need	1.3475	0.05031	141	101	31	9
1220	My client reminds you that he is a good boy.	1.3475	0.05943	118	88	19	11
1221	It's called a PrePup. My client insists you sign before any bow-wows.	1.3475	0.05160	118	82	31	5
1222	Before we begin negotiations, you must sign the 'No Walkies, No Talkies" agreement.	1.3475	0.04564	118	83	31	4
1223	Well Rover can only hire one of us and you did not even wear a suit and tie to the interview.	1.3474	0.06483	95	70	17	8
1224	She's suing the cat.	1.3474	0.06820	95	72	13	10
1225	I’m his lawyer pro bono.	1.3474	0.05943	95	67	23	5
1226	She wants the leash, the bowl, run of the yard and full custody of the puppies. And, believe me, she will NOT roll over!	1.3472	0.05151	144	105	28	11
1227	He needs you to testify at his trial that he really is a good dog, yes he is.	1.3471	0.05715	121	89	22	10
1228	This is your promise not to dress him in people clothes and his agreement not to poop on your bed.	1.3469	0.06503	98	73	16	9
1229	Oh he? The other guy had to work from home so George is covering for him.	1.3468	0.04864	124	90	27	7
1230	Sorry, but my client only sees things in black and white.	1.3468	0.05615	124	91	23	10
1231	He prefers the country home	1.3468	0.05315	124	91	24	9
1232	It says you don't own him; you're just leashing him.	1.3465	0.06204	101	74	19	8
1233	But the wording is clear .. you will be fed and walked until you die but Brewster gets the house and the car.	1.3465	0.05520	127	93	24	10
1234	This NDA ensures neither of you can talk	1.3465	0.05632	127	94	22	11
1235	What my client is saying is that the usual forms of gaining your attention- the early morning barking, vomiting on or near bedding and chewing of favorite shoes just wasn't working anymore. He had no choice but to seek outside legal representation.	1.3465	0.05289	127	91	28	8
1236	She's gone on the papers now you go on the papers and we'll be done.	1.3464	0.04666	153	108	37	8
1237	Sorry, but you may have heard that every dog has his day.	1.3462	0.05426	104	72	28	4
1238	You'll be hired if you can pass our Loyalty and Obedience Test.	1.3459	0.05124	133	95	30	8
1239	Buddy has been working here 4 dog years, that's 28 human years. As he is our most senior employee, he will be conducting your interview.	1.3459	0.05342	133	97	26	10
1240	You're licked.	1.3458	0.05650	107	76	25	6
1241	Fido is willing to settle this suit, but he wants his balls back.	1.3458	0.05804	107	77	23	7
1242	She's my comfort dog. I don't like heights.	1.3458	0.05804	107	77	23	7
1243	Your loyalty profile didn't quite make the cut, I'm afraid.	1.3457	0.06373	81	57	20	4
1244	He feels your purchase of a cat nullifies his obligation to be your best friend but hopes you'll always consider him a "good boy".	1.3455	0.05839	110	80	22	8
1245	Lastly, sign this page, that you agree to be neutered.	1.3453	0.05178	139	101	28	10
1246	He says to tell you that you said “sit” not “stay”.	1.3451	0.05446	113	80	27	6
1247	You'll want to sign these papers before he goes on them.	1.3451	0.05729	113	82	23	8
1248	He's not a Therapy Dog. He needs a Therapy Person.	1.3451	0.05729	113	82	23	8
1249	And of course, he demands full custody of all the squeaky toys.	1.3448	0.05885	116	86	20	10
1250	Just because he's your support animal doesn't mean he can help you answer any of the questions	1.3448	0.06135	116	88	16	12
1251	As you can see, my client is tired of being walked all over.	1.3448	0.05757	116	85	22	9
1252	He wants joint custody of the slippers.	1.3445	0.05395	119	85	27	7
1253	And if you'd please sign where it says, 'Woof woof woof'...'	1.3445	0.05653	119	87	23	9
1254	My client will agree to stop barking, if you will agree to stop playing your violin"	1.3444	0.06352	90	65	19	6
1255	This would be a good time to sit, roll over, and beg.	1.3444	0.07095	90	69	11	10
1256	That's correct. Your job is to feed him,walk him and handle any accidents. Trust me,it is a promotion from marketing.	1.3443	0.05431	122	88	26	8
1257	This says that you'll be entitled to walks every other weekend.	1.3443	0.05043	122	85	32	5
1258	He said he identifies as your ex wife…	1.3443	0.05431	122	88	26	8
1259	You keep the leash and you can live in the dog house.	1.3442	0.04641	154	109	37	8
1260	New owner must execute two vigorous belly rubs and a scratch behind the ears each day. That's our final offer.	1.3441	0.05821	93	65	24	4
1261	For the adoption to proceed you must agree to these prohibitions on costuming and Tik Tok posts.	1.3441	0.05821	93	65	24	4
1262	This suit alledges that you, in fact, let the dogs out	1.3441	0.06575	93	69	16	8
1263	Now be a good boy.	1.3438	0.05370	128	93	26	9
1264	Fluffy’ s complaint is that he cannot appear overjoyed to see you given your decision to work from home.	1.3438	0.05703	128	96	20	12
1265	'Fetch' is agreed to. 'Bring it back' is a non-starter.	1.3438	0.05014	128	90	32	6
1266	'Fair' is half of all the tennis balls.	1.3434	0.05209	99	67	30	2
1267	This is how much my client demands for the fart blaming to continue.	1.3434	0.06759	99	76	12	11
1268	One final thing before we complete this paperwork. He needs to sniff your butt.	1.3433	0.05412	134	99	24	11
1269	And this document guarantees you'll be HIS best friend.	1.3429	0.05714	105	75	24	6
1270	Looks like the ball's in your court.	1.3429	0.05552	105	74	26	5
1271	And this one is for emotional distress brought on by your unconscionable decision to have his testicles removed.	1.3429	0.04943	140	100	32	8
1272	He wants the dog house, all bone rights and custody of the cat.	1.3429	0.05046	140	101	30	9
1273	My client asks that YOU be the good boy now and sign this.	1.3429	0.06026	105	77	20	8
1274	My client and I refuse to just roll over on this issue.	1.3429	0.05714	105	75	24	6
1275	Leave it. Leave it.	1.3429	0.06026	105	77	20	8
1276	My client deeply regrets the thanksgiving turkey incident. She is prepared to offer the location of a rotting squirrel to make amends.	1.3421	0.05953	114	85	19	10
1277	She's just tired of the everyday run around.	1.3421	0.05822	114	84	21	9
1278	He'd like you to sign this confidentiality agreement before he speaks.	1.3421	0.05687	114	83	23	8
1279	Sparky would like to settle over the 'incident' at the vet last Friday	1.3419	0.05451	117	84	26	7
1280	Fido feels that best friend was always aspirational.	1.3419	0.05584	117	85	24	8
1281	In the prepuptial, you'll find the standard no leash and organic protein clauses.	1.3419	0.05584	117	85	24	8
1282	We find your pedigree not quite up to par.	1.3418	0.06951	79	58	15	6
1283	The contract clearly stipulates there will not be any new tricks	1.3417	0.05225	120	85	29	6
1284	My client has a bone to pick with you.	1.3415	0.05394	123	89	26	8
1285	It's all just standard boilerplate stuff, of course, but it's all in dog years, so just be aware.	1.3415	0.05394	123	89	26	8
1286	He agrees in principle, but insists you take custody of the cat.	1.3415	0.05141	123	87	30	6
1287	He barks, I bite!	1.3413	0.05060	126	89	31	6
1288	Wise choice to have such a loyal friend witness these documents.	1.3412	0.06600	85	62	17	6
1289	Based on this information, it appears someone else at this table has been a ‘Bad, Bad Boy’	1.3411	0.05103	129	92	30	7
1290	You know it turns out best if everyone is represented by counsel at these pre-adoption negotiations.	1.3411	0.05220	129	93	28	8
1291	...and this form just affirms that Spot is a Good Dog.	1.3409	0.05359	132	97	25	10
1292	My client is willing to drop his "alienation of affection" lawsuit providing you agree to return the cat to its previous owner.	1.3409	0.05025	132	94	31	7
1293	Keep in mind this is still a ruff draft.	1.3409	0.05250	132	96	27	9
1294	He's had enough of Covid bonding. You've got to return to work or, at a minimum, find a date who'll get you out of the apartment.	1.3409	0.05250	132	96	27	9
1295	He gets the doghouse, his favorite blanket, and that original Eames chair that you’ve been refusing to let him chew, are we agreed?	1.3409	0.06236	88	63	20	5
1296	She'd like you to sign this pre-puptial agreement.	1.3407	0.05274	135	99	26	10
1297	We're sorry, but Scooter feels you're barking up the wrong tree.	1.3407	0.05893	91	64	23	4
1298	You may claim it's just vacuuming, but intentional infliction of emotional distress is a tort, Mr. Baker.	1.3407	0.06294	91	66	19	6
1299	In addition to the indoor bathroom, you must completely stop referring to her as a bitch.	1.3406	0.04986	138	99	31	8
1300	She wants the puppies or the proceeds from their sale.	1.3406	0.05193	138	101	27	10
1301	It’s a prenup. He gets to keep the tennis balls	1.3406	0.05193	138	101	27	10
1302	My client would like full custody of the cat	1.3404	0.04914	141	101	32	8
1303	Sam wants a personal essay: "How I feel about dogs".	1.3404	0.06154	94	68	20	6
1304	First condition, no more canine holiday antlers.	1.3404	0.06688	94	71	14	9
1305	According to the settlement you get to shake his hand and rub his belly every other weekend.	1.3403	0.04844	144	103	33	8
1306	Scruffy says he'll sign if you promise never to go to work again.	1.3402	0.05841	97	69	23	5
1307	There may be some wiggle room vis-à-vis the number of chew toys, but I'm afraid treats and walkies are non-negotiable.	1.3402	0.05841	97	69	23	5
1308	And these are the terms of his leash.	1.3402	0.06198	97	71	19	7
1309	The girlfriend simply has to go.	1.3400	0.06067	100	73	20	7
1310	Here’s proof my client did not eat your homework.	1.3400	0.05724	100	71	24	5
1311	He wants you to be his ghostwriter.	1.3398	0.05781	103	74	23	6
1312	Your return to work post-pandemic constitutes abandonment and alienation of affection.	1.3398	0.05943	103	75	21	7
1313	Sign on the dotted line...this simply states that you have been vaccinated and neutered. You can start tomorrow and there are treats in the jar on the way out.	1.3398	0.06255	103	77	17	9
1314	My client refuses to be treated like a dog!	1.3398	0.05781	103	74	23	6
1315	You get the kennel. He gets the car keys.	1.3396	0.05669	106	76	24	6
1316	My client requires more treats, more walks, and fewer vet visits.	1.3394	0.05249	109	76	29	4
1317	You should have been satisfied with being best friends.	1.3394	0.05085	109	75	31	3
1318	She’s asking for the house and fifty - fifty custody of the children.	1.3394	0.05330	109	79	24	6
1319	Fetch, rollover, beg? This is not about who is whose best friend, Mr. Olson, this is about who owes who wages for services rendered.	1.3394	0.05409	109	77	27	5
1320	I thought you already knew we favor the underdog.	1.3394	0.05861	109	80	21	8
1321	You’ll have to sign for him, too…	1.3394	0.05249	109	76	29	4
1322	You are not the first associate we have referred to obedience training.	1.3393	0.05463	112	80	26	6
1323	I assure you, petnups are standard nowadays.	1.3391	0.05224	115	81	29	5
1324	Fido will get the Brooklyn apartment, the summer time-share, and your collection of vintage concert t-shirts, which he has already marked as his own territory.	1.3391	0.05508	115	83	25	7
1325	My client is willing to negotiate to 3 good boys a day and only 76% of your bed at night.	1.3390	0.05277	118	84	28	6
1326	He won't just be your boss, he'll be your best friend.	1.3390	0.05277	118	84	28	6
1327	Rosie wants custody of everything she’s licked, sniffed and slept on	1.3390	0.05277	118	84	28	6
1328	And you stipulate that Spot is your best friend?	1.3388	0.05190	121	86	29	6
1329	My client wants it in writing that he is not your best friend.	1.3388	0.04987	121	87	28	6
1330	You've been a very bad boy.	1.3388	0.05816	121	91	19	11
1331	A self-serve treat bar. A lifetime subscription to DOGTV. A fire hydrant in the bathroom. This is his final offer.	1.3388	0.05449	121	88	25	8
1332	We’ll be asking the judge for a stay order on your stay order.	1.3387	0.04843	124	86	34	4
1333	We feel this figure fairly accounts for back-payment for my client's missed games of fetch, lack of treats, and psychological distress from never being called a "good boy".	1.3387	0.05357	124	90	26	8
1334	And this is a licensing agreement to use his image on social media posts.	1.3385	0.05300	130	95	26	9
1335	Now you understand what we mean by "paper trained"	1.3385	0.05300	130	95	26	9
1336	As part of this job interview Spot would like you to see you use the paper.	1.3385	0.04890	130	94	29	7
1337	After the pretending-to-throw-the-ball incident, he wants assurances that a car ride to the park is just that.	1.3383	0.04993	133	95	31	7
1338	By signing this document you agree not to post embarrassing pet memes of my client on any and all social media while he is alive.	1.3383	0.04993	133	95	31	7
1339	He’s taking the couch	1.3382	0.04693	136	95	36	5
1340	My clients begs you to accept his terms.	1.3378	0.04294	148	104	39	5
1341	Let's see who writes the most appropriate caption??	1.3378	0.07270	74	55	13	6
1342	You get the house but she keeps the toilet bowl. That's our final offer.	1.3372	0.05636	86	59	25	2
1343	My client swears it was YOU who ate the homework.	1.3372	0.06322	86	62	19	5
1344	Smedley,I called this meeting to advise you that your position has been terminated—please welcome Bowser as your replacement	1.3372	0.06322	86	62	19	5
1345	She gets to keep the wife.	1.3371	0.06381	89	65	18	6
1346	Fido gets the doghouse AND the yard, because that’s where the bones are buried.	1.3371	0.06177	89	64	20	5
1347	And the phrase, "I wouldn't feed that to a dog," is legally hate speech.	1.3371	0.05967	89	63	22	4
1348	You will refer to my client as "Mr. Teddy"	1.3370	0.06236	92	67	19	6
1349	My client has instructed me to keep you on a short leash.	1.3368	0.05720	95	67	24	4
1350	You keep the house, but the dog gets the wife.	1.3367	0.05792	98	70	23	5
1351	So it's settled. He gets the side of the bed closest to the heater.	1.3367	0.05971	98	71	21	6
1352	Around here, he’s the bark. I’m the bite.	1.3367	0.05792	98	70	23	5
1353	Since you're already in it, you get to keep the doghouse.	1.3366	0.06178	101	75	18	8
1354	Fido is part of your severance package. Corporate understands that being laid off can leave you in need of moral support.”	1.3366	0.06178	101	75	18	8
1355	You drive a ruff bargain.	1.3365	0.06051	104	77	19	8
1356	If you agree to neutering my client will drop all charges.	1.3365	0.05895	104	76	21	7
1357	Funny, because this signature here seems to imply you were, in fact, the one to pass gas.	1.3365	0.05399	104	73	27	4
1358	You can chew on this and let us know.	1.3364	0.05466	107	76	26	5
1359	My client is asking for full custody of your wife.	1.3364	0.05625	107	77	24	6
1360	I should add that this is most creative power of attorney document I've ever been privileged to draft.	1.3364	0.05466	107	76	26	5
1361	Your wife goes to the dog.	1.3362	0.05468	116	84	25	7
1362	Sorry about the delay. He ate the Trust documents.	1.3362	0.05329	116	83	27	6
1363	Sign it and you're officially his best friend.	1.3362	0.05736	116	86	21	9
1364	Due to poor performance, we're transferring you to a farm upstate.	1.3361	0.05880	119	90	18	11
1365	Furthermore, my client resents being labeled as dogmatic!	1.3361	0.05411	122	89	25	8
1366	Please sign here to extend your leash.	1.3361	0.05284	122	88	27	7
1367	We would like to set forth the terms for roll over.	1.3360	0.05321	125	91	26	8
1368	So it’s settled. Champ gets the house, you get the car.	1.3359	0.05465	128	95	23	10
1369	Sorry, but his terms have now changed. He is demanding the doghouse in the Riviera in addition to the one n Palm Springs. You can keep the one bedroom flat in Staten Island.	1.3359	0.05351	128	94	25	9
1370	I understand that you're best friends. However a handshake doesn't constitute a legal agreement.	1.3359	0.05153	131	95	28	8
1371	So you get the puppies and FIFI here gets the penthouse on the upper west side that aunt Mary left for her.	1.3358	0.05396	134	100	23	11
1372	I'm sorry, but sole custody is a non-starter..Rex demands your wife on alternate weekends.	1.3358	0.05105	137	100	28	9
1373	Be a good boy and fill out this application	1.3356	0.04724	149	107	34	8
1374	That clears up item #47, there will be no more unfortunate dog costumes. Let's move on to item #48.	1.3333	0.05800	114	85	20	9
1375	You were an adequate employee, Bob, but Hannah here is Best in Show.	1.3333	0.05627	111	81	23	7
1376	I think you’re an idiot but my dog says you’re senior executive material — which means we’re both right. When can you start ?	1.3333	0.06120	90	65	20	5
1377	Now you have to eat his homework.	1.3333	0.05920	99	72	21	6
1378	Under this agreement, anything the dog ever had in its mouth or thought it ever had in its mouth is his property.	1.3333	0.04830	132	98	26	8
1379	I'm sorry, but Sparky had better references.	1.3333	0.06126	102	76	18	8
1380	Don't forget you'll multiply that the contract term by 7.	1.3333	0.06560	72	51	18	3
1381	'Ruggles' is seeking pet emancipation plus damages in the amount of $3.2 million. He also wants the apartment, and your parking space.	1.3333	0.06091	99	73	19	7
1382	.... because he's got 21 dog years seniority, so you're fired.	1.3333	0.05480	111	80	25	6
1383	Each party in the mediation is considered the best boy and will refrain from rubbing, scratching, begging, or licking.	1.3333	0.05328	111	79	27	5
1384	Here are your termination documents. Sorry, but it's a dog eat dog world we work in.	1.3333	0.06120	90	65	20	5
1385	And, finally, please verify by signing here that he is your best friend.	1.3333	0.05087	114	80	30	4
1386	And Lastly , you agree to use his pronouns: they and them.	1.3333	0.05120	132	96	28	8
1387	If you agree to this liability waiver, my client will explain exactly what happened to your homework.	1.3333	0.05948	84	59	22	3
1388	Sparky here from Human Resources will go over the paperwork with you.	1.3333	0.06224	96	71	18	7
1389	Loyalty gets you far here.	1.3333	0.05120	123	88	29	6
1390	The contract covers nutrition, shelter, and testicles.	1.3333	0.05120	123	88	29	6
1391	Every dog has his day in court.	1.3333	0.05593	120	89	22	9
1392	And she would also like your slippers.	1.3333	0.05801	102	74	22	6
1393	We're sorry - you're just not a good boy. Sparky and I have decided to let you go.	1.3333	0.05671	96	68	24	4
1394	Now this one just says if you pet other dogs,she gets the house.	1.3333	0.05966	102	75	20	7
1395	We had hoped your sheep herding skills had been up to standard.	1.3333	0.04963	129	92	31	6
1396	I'm sure you will find Fluffy's number to be quite doable.	1.3333	0.04856	120	86	29	5
1397	He has a right to know his biological parents	1.3333	0.05581	108	78	24	6
1398	Ignore the wagging tail. My client will NOT agree to only one belly rub a day.	1.3333	0.05480	111	80	25	6
1399	In return, you will have to be his best friend, too.	1.3333	0.05671	96	68	24	4
1400	Why don't you chew on this.	1.3333	0.05237	114	81	28	5
1401	Fido is suing for you ex-wife to have custody.	1.3333	0.06185	84	60	20	4
1402	Further, my client would like to retain possession over the entire bone collection.	1.3333	0.05911	111	83	19	9
1403	If you just sign here, my client agrees that his bark is worse than his bite.	1.3333	0.05581	108	78	24	6
1404	It just states that you will never again blame it on my client.	1.3333	0.04772	114	78	34	2
1405	Unfortunately you haven't been a good boy	1.3333	0.06224	96	71	18	7
1406	Mr B Wow has asked me to administer a brief test to confirm your bone fides.	1.3333	0.05248	123	89	27	7
1407	Your resume is impressive but you just aren’t cute enough.	1.3333	0.05717	120	90	20	10
1408	You can keep custody of the kids, but he will always have their hearts.	1.3333	0.06086	81	57	21	3
1409	My client insists on these terms or she w-a-l-ks.	1.3333	0.05827	81	56	23	2
1410	My client contends that he is sick of being asked "Who's a Good Boy?" He will Sit and Stay until you sign these separation papers.	1.3333	0.05120	132	96	28	8
1411	He wants joint custody of Mittens	1.3333	0.05204	120	86	28	6
1412	Ms. Lulu concedes that she may have spent too much time taking care of business but suggests that if you would have taken her out more often, we wouldn’t be here today.	1.3333	0.05771	111	82	21	8
1413	Ralph has decided to change his best friend to your wife Cynthia.	1.3333	0.06152	105	79	17	9
1414	Central Park is non-negotiable.	1.3333	0.05966	102	75	20	7
1415	Now Frank, please write down your version.	1.3310	0.05166	142	106	25	11
1416	My client will agree to wearing only one winter sweater each year,and cannot have ruffles.	1.3310	0.04764	142	102	33	7
1417	Now that your uncle let the company go to the dogs there is nothing left for you	1.3309	0.04611	139	98	36	5
1418	He wants you to be a good boy and sign here.	1.3309	0.04831	139	100	32	7
1419	And this one states that she will retain the house in the Hamptons.	1.3308	0.05051	130	94	29	7
1420	He's willing to sign over the doghouse if he can keep the couch.	1.3308	0.04931	130	93	31	6
1421	Our dog sitters are required to sign an NDA.	1.3306	0.04955	124	88	31	5
1422	I can't emphasize this enough—you can bring your dog to board meetings, but under no circumstances can they vote.	1.3306	0.05458	124	92	23	9
1423	I’m sorry but we hired the dog.	1.3306	0.05914	121	93	16	12
1424	My client would like you to agree to pay for monthly grooming.	1.3306	0.05676	121	91	20	10
1425	He is asking for joint custody of your kids and alimony.	1.3305	0.05254	118	85	27	6
1426	She found out about you and the neighbor's dog	1.3305	0.05523	118	87	23	8
1427	One last bone of contention, he wants to stay in the house and not outside.	1.3304	0.05622	115	85	22	8
1428	Just a formality prior to adoption, but please be aware of the 'no neuter clause" .	1.3304	0.05200	115	82	28	5
1429	You’re fired, but I’m keeping the dog.	1.3304	0.05200	115	82	28	5
1430	I'm sorry, sir, but we are looking to diversify our work force.	1.3304	0.06264	112	87	13	12
1431	It's all spelled out here: you get the red leash and the plastic food dish. He gets the dog house, the chew toy, and the BMW.	1.3304	0.05866	112	84	19	9
1432	My client has become used to a certain standard of belly rubs.	1.3303	0.05383	109	78	26	5
1433	This is our final offer. Otherwise, my client W-A-L-K-S away.	1.3303	0.05690	109	80	22	7
1434	As per the agreement, you will henceforth cease and desist from any reference to my client, oral or written, to include all social media, as your "Fur Baby".	1.3303	0.05837	109	81	20	8
1435	You’ll have to settle for half, sir. The rest has been eaten.	1.3303	0.05538	109	79	24	6
1436	He says that squatter's rights allow him to keep the home.	1.3302	0.05315	106	75	27	4
1437	We need your signarure, too.	1.3302	0.04966	106	73	31	2
1438	I'm sorry, but Buster is better qualified.	1.3301	0.05753	103	75	22	6
1439	She’s not willing to follow your lead anymore.	1.3301	0.05412	103	73	26	4
1440	He says he'll drop the complaint if you roll over and beg.	1.3301	0.05917	103	76	20	7
1441	Nowhere in the Constitution does it say she is required to come when you call.	1.3301	0.05048	103	71	30	2
1442	He can smell employee discontent, can you?	1.3301	0.05586	103	74	24	5
1443	The dog has already signed.	1.3300	0.05870	100	73	21	6
1444	You’re a good employee, but pickles tells me you’re not a good boy.	1.3300	0.06204	100	75	17	8
1445	We’d like you to take the lead on this.	1.3300	0.06039	100	74	19	7
1446	And on behalf of my client, I’ll just add “who’s a bad man?”	1.3300	0.05695	100	72	23	5
1447	The plaintiff does not agree that it is a dog eat dog world	1.3299	0.05993	97	71	20	6
1448	We'll hire him, but you need to confirm that he'll whine quietly onscreen during the scene of his mistress's death.	1.3299	0.05623	97	69	24	4
1449	She's OK with paper on the floor, but it's a dealbreaker if it's not The Times.	1.3298	0.05737	94	67	23	4
1450	She says that you can keep the cats	1.3298	0.06307	94	70	17	7
1451	Sir, all we ask is for you to give a dog a bone.	1.3298	0.05933	94	68	21	5
1452	No,head scratches and sleeping on the bed are not optional.	1.3298	0.05933	94	68	21	5
1453	Britney wants the house. She's repeatedly marked it as her territory, so she feels she's entitled to it.	1.3297	0.05646	91	64	24	3
1454	My client here says you told him to speak without a lawyer present.	1.3297	0.05859	91	65	22	4
1455	And according to this addendum you will no longer retain the title of Master.	1.3297	0.06261	91	67	18	6
1456	To summarize; my client agrees to live in your domicile and behave as he pleases. You agree to provide for his every need and desire as enumerated in pages one through ten. Questions	1.3295	0.06609	88	66	15	7
1457	Just sign here and we'll stop hounding you.	1.3294	0.05891	85	60	22	3
1458	This clearly has not been a walk in the park for either of you.	1.3294	0.06775	85	64	14	7
1459	You keep the house but you share custody of the fire hydrant out front.	1.3293	0.06505	82	60	17	5
1460	Don't worry, I am working pro bone.	1.3289	0.07583	76	59	9	8
1461	My client is suing you for fraud when you pretended to throw his ball during fetch on January 3rd, 2021	1.3288	0.04871	146	107	30	9
1462	My client is willing to offer shared custody of the soggy tennis ball, but nothing more.	1.3287	0.04736	143	103	33	7
1463	Look who has the tail between their legs now.	1.3285	0.04872	137	99	31	7
1464	Now, regarding custody of the cat ...	1.3285	0.05087	137	101	27	9
1465	and Bowser agrees to forgo dog-support payments in return for you relinquishing ownership of your slippers	1.3282	0.05134	131	96	27	8
1466	You let the cat out of the bag.	1.3282	0.05018	131	95	29	7
1467	Sorry, he says you just aren't dog food commercial material!	1.3281	0.05096	128	95	25	8
1468	This is a restraining order. You've been a bad boy.	1.3279	0.05390	122	90	24	8
1469	He no longer wants to be your best friend.	1.3279	0.05132	122	88	28	6
1470	We're sorry, Mr. Smith. But after reading your review, Rusty from HR has determined that you are Not A Very God Boy.	1.3279	0.05871	122	94	16	12
1471	Sorry it was a typo, we meant to say 'God be with you', not 'Dog be with you'	1.3277	0.05612	119	89	21	9
1472	Now that you sat, you need to beg and roll over.	1.3277	0.05483	119	88	23	8
1473	He’s willing to let you sleep in the dog house.	1.3277	0.04936	119	84	31	4
1474	To Jasper, the decline in daily walks supports his irreconcilable differences argument.	1.3276	0.05581	116	86	22	8
1475	So you've both agreed to the terms of adoption?	1.3276	0.05015	116	82	30	4
1476	My client is seeking the house,but is willing to offer you full custody of the cat.	1.3273	0.05342	110	79	26	5
1477	My client has agreed to let you keep the house, so long as he retains exclusive rights to all bones buried out in the yard.	1.3273	0.05496	110	80	24	6
1478	Mr. Crispers is willing to let you keep the ball and the leash, but the house is non-negotiable.	1.3273	0.05342	110	79	26	5
1479	My client has a new best friend.	1.3273	0.05646	110	81	22	7
1480	Sorry, but revoking the best friend clause is not negotiable	1.3273	0.05103	110	80	25	5
1481	‘’I’m sorry but we’ve already cast Rex as Travis. But, you can still read for Old Yeller’’	1.3271	0.05599	107	80	20	7
1482	The defendant might comply with the cease and desist if you command him to Drop-It.	1.3271	0.05754	107	79	21	7
1483	In 25 words or less, if you were a dog, what breed would you be and why? Think carefully.	1.3269	0.05102	104	75	25	4
1484	He wants to see your papers.	1.3269	0.05707	104	76	22	6
1485	He is negotiating for more walks or he will leave with your ex.	1.3269	0.05541	104	75	24	5
1486	Charlie wants Brad Pitt to play him in the movie.	1.3267	0.06310	101	77	15	9
1487	He wants the kids on weekends.	1.3267	0.05821	101	74	21	6
1488	As agreed, every Tuesday he gets to pee on the rhododendron.	1.3265	0.05941	98	72	20	6
1489	No alimony, but walks and petting rights are non-negotiable	1.3265	0.05384	98	69	26	3
1490	Be thankful she is not a cat.	1.3265	0.06450	98	75	14	9
1491	My client will drop his complaint of abandonment if you agree to stay home and give him belly rubs on demand.	1.3265	0.05761	98	71	22	5
1492	We’re downsizing. It was you or the dog. The chairman likes the dog. Here are your separation papers.”	1.3263	0.06068	95	70	19	6
1493	Fido will give you the wife, but he wants the kids.	1.3261	0.06008	92	67	20	5
1494	The owner left him the company. He has a few questions for you."	1.3261	0.06008	92	67	20	5
1495	My client will not roll over in these negotiations.	1.3258	0.05712	89	63	23	3
1496	We laid off HR. This is Buddy, your assigned "support dog." His email is in your packet.	1.3258	0.04749	132	94	33	5
1497	Not lease. Leash.	1.3256	0.04942	129	93	30	6
1498	My client would like to part ways here, before another pandemic. He states that he can't get through another lockdown being an emotional sponge for your mood swings.	1.3256	0.06286	86	63	18	5
1499	My client is willing to give you the house in exchange for full custody of the cat and the brown loafers you keep in the hall closet.	1.3254	0.05143	126	92	27	7
1500	He's willing to give up people food and sleeping on the bed, but he'd like scratches behind the ear on weekends and holidays.	1.3253	0.05713	83	58	23	2
1501	I can return your homework if you sign this retraction, release, and non-disparagement agreement.	1.3252	0.05596	123	93	20	10
1502	Can you tell me what he wrote I can’t read.	1.3250	0.06104	80	57	20	3
1503	She gets the house, alimony, and the Purina stock.	1.3250	0.05181	120	87	27	6
1504	He's seeking compensation for missed walks.	1.3250	0.05181	120	89	24	7
1505	Mr. Farmer,Bingo is suing you for using his name in the song without his permission.	1.3250	0.05444	120	89	23	8
1506	One last thing before you sign: Max, here, would like a demonstration of your rope-tugging skills.	1.3250	0.05044	120	86	29	5
1507	You’re in breach of contract-my client asserts that the walks were shorter than promised and the “treats” were subpar.	1.3250	0.05314	120	88	25	7
1508	Then it's agreed: you keep the house and car, and Fluffy keeps all of your shoes.	1.3250	0.05444	120	89	23	8
1509	Ruffles here from HR said your begging worked. You're hired.	1.3248	0.05268	117	85	26	6
1510	‘He’s here to discuss his AARF membership.’	1.3248	0.05126	117	84	28	5
1511	'Face it: Rover is the Instagram account. Take the offer or he bow-wows out.'	1.3247	0.05974	77	54	21	2
1512	He doesn’t want money; just food and lodging in a warm location!	1.3246	0.05212	114	82	27	5
1513	If you sign over all of the tennis balls he will say you are a good boy.	1.3246	0.05502	114	84	23	7
1514	So we're agreed. Keith gets the house, the car and the cats. Spooner gets the compost pile and half your shoes.	1.3243	0.05602	111	82	22	7
1515	She's a silent partner.	1.3243	0.06413	74	53	18	3
1516	As per the settlement agreement, in exchange for all chew toys and bones, here are the exact locations of your missing socks and shoes, which may or may not be chewed to all hell already.	1.3243	0.07227	74	56	12	6
1517	And this is Mr. Rover's Non-Disclosure Agreement, which forbids you as dog-walker to reveal number of cats chased, bites given, and, most importantly, pee showers given or received.	1.3243	0.05302	111	80	26	5
1518	It’s a dog eat Doug world.	1.3243	0.05602	111	82	22	7
1519	She wants full custody of the puppies.	1.3243	0.05454	111	81	24	6
1520	I think you’ll find it’s a standard pre-pup.	1.3243	0.05302	111	80	26	5
1521	And now she wants to know your pedigree	1.3241	0.05555	108	79	23	6
1522	My client insists that you bark once if you agree and twice if you don't.	1.3241	0.05234	108	77	27	4
1523	This is a blank piece of paper. My client would like you to sniff it and bark once if you agree.	1.3241	0.05858	108	81	19	8
1524	Yes, it's a hard bargain; but, it's a dog eat dog world.	1.3239	0.07170	71	53	13	5
1525	Your competitor just scored in the 98th percentile on the application. Here, let's see how well you do!	1.3238	0.05327	105	75	26	4
1526	By signing this, Fido admits to no wrong doing	1.3238	0.04687	105	79	21	5
1527	The pooper-scooper clause is non-negotiable.	1.3238	0.05820	105	78	20	7
1528	He can pee in the house twice a week. That’s his final offer.	1.3238	0.05327	105	75	26	4
1529	He’s requesting that you to continue to work from home.	1.3235	0.05601	102	74	23	5
1530	And, of course he gets the house and the ball. Yes he does, yes he does.	1.3235	0.05243	102	72	27	3
1531	She'll waive the kibble and chew toys if you'll keep the damn cat.	1.3232	0.05890	99	73	20	6
1532	So, it's decided. At least 3 walks a day and no dry food with yellow corn in it.	1.3232	0.06062	99	74	18	7
1533	She left Fido the house, the car, and the boat, but at least you get the airline miles.	1.3232	0.05435	99	73	21	5
1534	She has clearly spoken, now you must sign.	1.3232	0.05890	99	73	20	6
1535	The only remaining issue is who gets custody of your wife.	1.3232	0.05890	99	73	20	6
1536	Sparky solved the problem in three minutes. Good luck.	1.3229	0.06194	96	72	17	7
1537	By signing here,you agree that Muffers is indeed a good boy.	1.3229	0.05638	96	69	23	4
1538	He wants the bed, the couch, and the doggie door. That's all.	1.3229	0.06194	96	72	17	7
1539	We will need your ruff draft by Friday.	1.3229	0.05829	96	70	21	5
1540	Please mind your language. My client prefers 'female dog.'	1.3229	0.05829	96	70	21	5
1541	This doesn’t have to be ruff. An agreement is pawsible, if we renegotiate the terms of the leash.	1.3229	0.06369	96	73	15	8
1542	She wants a little more meat left on that bone.	1.3228	0.05463	127	96	21	10
1543	My client is suing for defamation and insists that he is a good boy.	1.3226	0.05547	93	66	24	3
1544	We read your report, Robinson, and frankly, we just don't think it passes the smell test.	1.3226	0.06516	93	71	14	8
1545	My client agrees to use the curb, subject to the condition that, if you are as much as 10 minutes late in taking him for a walk, then, in his sole absolute discretion, he may use the bed, the couch, or the living room floor instead.	1.3226	0.05547	93	66	24	3
1546	We’re sorry we have to replace you but, you see, Spot has all his shots	1.3226	0.06334	93	70	16	7
1547	No, not a pre-nup. It's a pre-pup."	1.3226	0.06146	93	69	18	6
1548	We've covered walks, belly rubs and treats ... now we have to address your girlfriend's cat.	1.3223	0.05406	121	90	23	8
1549	If you don't sign this, she walks.	1.3222	0.05434	90	63	25	2
1550	We'll put a positive spin on the divorce by calling it a loving unleashing.	1.3222	0.05434	90	68	17	5
1551	She wants the chew toys, the toilet bowl, and all of your best shoes."	1.3222	0.05434	90	63	25	2
1552	You get the puppies every other weekend.	1.3222	0.06085	90	66	19	5
1553	In your own words, please tell me and Captain Rover exactly what happened last Tuesday night.	1.3220	0.05230	118	86	26	6
1554	And these are your walking papers.	1.3218	0.06436	87	65	16	6
1555	She wants full custody!	1.3218	0.06640	87	66	14	7
1556	Sign this NDA and he'll tell you, once and for all, who's been a good boy.	1.3217	0.05599	115	86	21	8
1557	No Mr Smith, Fido gets the house. You keep the tennis balls.	1.3217	0.05461	115	85	23	7
1558	Now, who gets the wife?	1.3217	0.05391	115	87	20	8
1559	My client wants the kids, the house and the ball.	1.3217	0.05599	115	86	21	8
1560	Does this answer your incessant 'Who's a good boy?' question?	1.3214	0.06144	84	61	19	4
1561	Bad news, Jenkins. Scooter finished first and got the promotion.	1.3214	0.07016	84	65	11	8
1562	Yes, he is your replacement.	1.3214	0.05560	112	83	22	7
1563	You can keep the house. She wants the tennis balls.	1.3214	0.06144	84	61	19	4
1564	The leader of the pack is quite impressed with your résumé as an emotional support human.	1.3214	0.05262	112	81	26	5
1565	Buster is finished chewing on your proposal.	1.3214	0.06144	84	61	19	4
1566	Daily walks and belly rubs are his final offer.	1.3214	0.05413	112	82	24	6
1567	You misjudge the size of the fight in my client.	1.3214	0.04890	140	103	29	8
1568	It’s just a proposal. His ruff draft.	1.3211	0.05355	109	79	25	5
1569	She is willing to share custody of the cat, but the easy chair is hers	1.3211	0.05812	109	82	19	8
1570	This is his final arfer.	1.3211	0.05194	109	78	27	4
1571	... you get the dog house and visitation with the puppies every other weekend.	1.3211	0.05812	109	82	19	8
1572	My client would like you to throw him a bone.	1.3211	0.05194	109	78	27	4
1573	Furthermore, my client demands that you immediately desist from calling her “Poochie.”	1.3211	0.05512	109	80	23	6
1574	As your best friend, he'd like half your estate - -preferably the grass and bushes part.	1.3208	0.05286	106	76	26	4
1575	OK, now it's time to write down YOUR pet peeves.	1.3208	0.05453	106	77	24	5
1576	...and Sparky gets the doghouse.	1.3206	0.04879	131	95	30	6
1577	Before she enters into a contract of ownership with you, she wants you to agree to certain terms, including a cat-free household.	1.3206	0.04757	131	94	32	5
1578	My client has informed me that what ever number you see on this paper should be multiplied by seven.	1.3206	0.04998	131	96	28	7
1579	By signing, you'll be agreeing not to neuter my client.	1.3205	0.06187	78	56	19	3
1580	Topping Cooper's list of demands will be a binding no vet policy.	1.3204	0.05556	103	75	23	5
1581	My client demands possession of all squishy and squeaky toys	1.3204	0.05202	103	73	27	3
1582	He wants the Montana sofa. That’s our final offer.	1.3204	0.05724	103	76	21	6
1583	Please note that I’m handling this case for my client pro-bone-o.	1.3200	0.05840	100	74	20	6
1584	I'm sorry, Rex says that your resume doesn't pass the sniff test	1.3200	0.05840	100	74	20	6
1585	This is my client’s settlement offer, which we think is more than fair. Of course, the girlfriend will stay with him.	1.3200	0.05295	100	71	26	3
1586	You agree then to his care and feeding in perpetuity in return for psychological support services. Sign here.	1.3200	0.05295	100	71	26	3
1587	You gotta throw us a bone here.	1.3200	0.05483	100	72	24	4
1588	Now, Steve, we didn't want to play hard, but we have to throw the puppy eyes at you	1.3200	0.06010	100	75	18	7
1589	And this is the agreement to see the puppies every other weekend.	1.3197	0.05109	122	89	27	6
1590	Before he signs this,he's going to need to sniff your butt.	1.3196	0.05778	97	71	21	5
1591	Henceforth, please cease from referring to my client as “that Bitch”	1.3196	0.05589	97	70	23	4
1592	He consents to share your wife.	1.3196	0.06311	97	74	15	8
1593	My client seeks the right to work from his dog house.	1.3196	0.05589	97	70	23	4
1594	I'm sorry. We can't continue to let sleeping dogs lie.	1.3196	0.05394	97	69	25	3
1595	My client also requests one dozen boxes of the T-R-E-A-T-S.	1.3196	0.05778	97	71	21	5
1596	Bobby Is willing to accept your new girlfriend sleeping in your common bed on fridays and saturdays as long as you change his balanced dog food for human home made meals.	1.3196	0.05961	97	72	19	6
1597	Woof. Woof, woof.	1.3196	0.05961	97	72	19	6
1598	It's just a knick knack, Paddy Wack, give the dog his bone.	1.3191	0.05899	94	69	20	5
1599	Let's face it, Mr. Cohn. You've had your day; now it's Rusty's.	1.3191	0.05899	94	69	20	5
1600	You weren't that far off when you said, 'The bitch is taking me for everything I own'	1.3191	0.05899	94	69	20	5
1601	Well, you weren’t COMPLETELY left out of your Mother’s will… Here’s the small list of what she didn’t leave to Benji…	1.3191	0.06090	94	70	18	6
1602	My client wants the full custody of the ball	1.3191	0.06275	94	71	16	7
1603	I hope your resume shows you're half the man your dog thinks you are.	1.3191	0.06090	94	70	18	6
1604	Fido get's the house, its contents, and custody of your wife and children; you get the cat.	1.3191	0.05899	94	69	20	5
1605	So, we are in agreement. You get the vacation property, and Molly gets the house and the couch.	1.3190	0.05281	116	85	25	6
1606	He wants to keep the kids	1.3190	0.05137	116	84	27	5
1607	She keeps the house and the kids. You get the dog. And it's over."	1.3190	0.05281	116	85	25	6
1608	He wants half of your bones.	1.3190	0.05557	116	87	21	8
1609	While the terms of this legal separation may seem punitive, my client never claimed to be a good boy.	1.3190	0.04836	116	82	31	3
1610	While my client is legally obligated to be man's best friend, his contract doesn't specifically necessitate being yours.	1.3187	0.05608	91	65	23	3
1611	Per the terms of your prepuptial agreement, Lady gets the doghouse, the tennis ball, and the Monet.	1.3187	0.05386	91	64	25	2
1612	When they said our business was going to the dogs, I didn't know it would be a hostile takeover.	1.3187	0.05386	91	64	25	2
1613	I’d also like you to list your favorite treats.”	1.3186	0.04912	113	80	30	3
1614	Now that he has reproduced your homework, will you write him a letter of gratitude?	1.3186	0.05373	113	83	24	6
1615	No pun intended, but you might say that are signing his 'walking papers' although you won't be walking him anymore.	1.3186	0.05223	113	82	26	5
1616	Bottom line: daily steak breakfasts and no cats in the house.	1.3186	0.05373	113	83	24	6
1617	He’s giving you full custody of the cat”	1.3185	0.05004	135	100	27	8
1618	You've been accused of giving inappropriate belly rubs.	1.3182	0.04727	132	95	32	5
1619	No, your severance package does not include the dog. Mr. Cuddles is here to convey empathy.	1.3182	0.06373	88	66	16	6
1620	Your resume says that you like cats. That’s going to be a problem.	1.3182	0.05314	110	80	25	5
1621	Since you dropped out of college and left home to pursue your dream, your father has left you $100 and his personal copy of The Seven Habits of Highly Successful People. The dog gets the rest.	1.3182	0.06373	88	66	16	6
1622	I have your performance report right here. Looks like you have NOT been a good boy this quarter."	1.3182	0.04603	132	94	34	4
1623	Our final offer is 2 walks a day and one rawhide treat before bed.	1.3182	0.05949	88	64	20	4
1624	In exchange for your cooperation,my client has agreed to be a good boy.	1.3178	0.05571	107	79	22	6
1625	I am so sorry but the dog has a better nose for business	1.3176	0.05849	85	61	21	3
1626	She wants master support, property and debt division, attorney’s fees, and sole custody of all squeaky toys.	1.3175	0.04867	126	91	30	5
1627	We can both promise you a new leash on life.	1.3175	0.05121	126	93	26	7
1628	My client's Agreement merely states that you cannot seek any damages if you happen to step in dog poop	1.3173	0.05339	104	75	25	4
1629	Let's see if you can do better than the other applicant.	1.3173	0.05840	104	78	19	7
1630	Sniff where it's marked, then piddle at the bottom.	1.3171	0.06693	82	62	14	6
1631	By "irreconcilable differences" she's referring, of course, to the new kitten.	1.3171	0.05330	123	92	23	8
1632	Maybe you should have thought about that before you mined the bitcoin in Miss Fee Fee di Napoli's name.	1.3171	0.05204	123	91	25	7
1633	So, we have agreed the dog will take the wife?	1.3171	0.05330	123	92	23	8
1634	Rex has agreed to work here provided you walk him twice a day.	1.3171	0.06227	82	60	18	4
1635	Let's be honest. Any jury will favor him over you.	1.3168	0.05790	101	75	20	6
1636	Fido would also like monetary compensation for all the times you pretended to throw the ball.	1.3168	0.05790	101	75	20	6
1637	My client says you can keep the newspaper subscription.	1.3168	0.05437	101	73	24	4
1638	Don't worry. Her claim you treated her like a dog won't hold up in court.	1.3168	0.05252	101	72	26	3
1639	Although your father left his entire estate to Mitzi, she would like to offer you lodging in exchange for walks, treats, and belly rubs as specified in this contract.	1.3167	0.05156	120	88	26	6
1640	It's non-negotiable, the cats got to go!	1.3167	0.05019	120	87	28	5
1641	My client suggests you be a good, good boy and sign the pre-pup agreement as written.	1.3167	0.05290	120	89	24	7
1642	The only bone of contention from Rex is the monthly BarkBox subscription.	1.3167	0.05290	120	89	24	7
1643	As you can imagine, we do the rescue dog process a little differently here in The Hamptons.	1.3165	0.06871	79	60	13	6
1644	You can stay on as general manager, but for ownership, Sparky feels he can do better.	1.3163	0.05909	98	73	19	6
1645	He wants you to sign a prepup agreement.	1.3163	0.05542	98	71	23	4
1646	Here's his offer: He says, 'go fetch yourself!'"	1.3163	0.05909	98	73	19	6
1647	Now on to the matter of tennis ball custody.	1.3163	0.05909	98	73	19	6
1648	He wants you to ease up on “heel”. Just sign here.	1.3162	0.05100	117	85	27	5
1649	You can have the kids if he gets the slippers.	1.3158	0.05185	114	83	26	5
1650	It’s a roll over account.	1.3158	0.05450	95	68	24	3
1651	Here you will find loyalty is paramount.	1.3158	0.05033	114	82	28	4
1652	Here are my client's terms. He's willing to negotiate if you can give him his balls back.	1.3158	0.05185	114	83	26	5
1653	My client will agree to the adoption if you can guarantee he always rides shotgun.	1.3158	0.05847	95	70	20	5
1654	And along with this restraining order, you’re prohibited from saying “Who’s a good boy?”.	1.3153	0.05427	111	82	23	6
1655	My client gets all the chew toys. This is not a negotiation.	1.3153	0.05576	111	83	21	7
1656	Ok, then it's settled. You get rid of the cat & he agrees to stop dry humping the guests.	1.3153	0.05721	111	84	19	8
1657	You realize,of course,that you are entering into a Fidoiary relationship.	1.3152	0.05769	92	67	21	4
1658	This form gives Squeezums the right to sue you should you try to change her name after the rescue papers are signed.	1.3152	0.06169	92	69	17	6
1659	Our client agrees to the neutering as long as you agree to undergo a similar procedure.	1.3152	0.06545	92	71	13	8
1660	He says you can have the house, but he wants the outdoors.	1.3152	0.05972	92	68	19	5
1661	He claims you never even used the couch.	1.3152	0.05338	92	65	25	2
1662	Your best friend has asked you to sign.	1.3148	0.05368	108	79	24	5
1663	Fluffy will be teaching our highly acclaimed work-life balance course.	1.3148	0.05368	108	79	24	5
1664	My client agrees to continue to be excited when you re-enter the room, and you agree to stop shaming him for a little piddle.	1.3146	0.05671	89	64	22	3
1665	My client is demanding that he be allowed in and out the door as often as he deems it necessary.	1.3146	0.05442	89	68	16	5
1666	I'm sorry, but you may find this news a bit ruff.	1.3145	0.05293	124	93	23	8
1667	Fluffy would like the kibble, chew toys and the house in the Hamptons.	1.3145	0.05293	124	93	23	8
1668	And just wipe your ass right here.	1.3145	0.05168	124	92	25	7
1669	I got him during covid and now that we are back in the office, he likes to come to work with me. Where’s your dog?	1.3143	0.05631	105	78	21	6
1670	Well, you have to admit Fido here has a thicker résumé.	1.3143	0.05296	105	76	25	4
1671	If you continue to disregard my client's privacy,we will be forced to take further legal action.	1.3143	0.05466	105	77	23	5
1672	My client’s demands are simple. He gets the big house and an unlimited supply of steak. You get the kennel in the backyard.	1.3143	0.05948	105	80	17	8
1673	His demands are modest: half of the bed, most of the sofa, and daily belly rubs lasting at least 10 minutes. Oh, and full custody of all discarded peanut butter jars.	1.3143	0.04938	105	76	26	3
1674	Well this 'bitch' is taking everything.	1.3143	0.05631	105	78	21	6
1675	Where did you get the idea he wants a divorce? The core of this action is that he wants to know, with public notice in a newspaper of record, who's a good boy.	1.3140	0.06024	86	63	19	4
1676	Since he is AKC, he's interested in your pedigree.	1.3137	0.05908	102	77	18	7
1677	Sure I can explain. The fine print says "woof woof, bark bark bark, growl!"	1.3137	0.05210	102	73	26	3
1678	Should you sign this form you will be agreeing to pay a monthly alibony payment	1.3137	0.05742	102	76	20	6
1679	Just sign here and my client will agree to let you go back to the office once a week in exchange for extra treats.	1.3137	0.05393	102	74	24	4
1680	So by signing this you agree that he gets the house and all the food,and you get to keep the car and your laptop	1.3137	0.05210	102	73	26	3
1681	We're looking for a different pedigree.	1.3137	0.05020	102	72	28	2
1682	He says you need to sign the dog-eared pages.	1.3137	0.05742	102	76	20	6
1683	Yes, unfortunately, you only get the doghouse and Scotty here gets everything else.	1.3136	0.04918	118	85	29	4
1684	Pre-pups are pretty much standard procedure these days, Mr. Hodges.	1.3136	0.05064	118	86	27	5
1685	Consider these your walking papers.	1.3136	0.05205	118	87	25	6
1686	Now be a good boy and sign here.	1.3133	0.06397	83	62	16	5
1687	This contract Stipulates that this is a forever adoption not subject to discovery of a cure for Covid.	1.3133	0.06841	83	64	12	7
1688	He doesn't believe the cat was just a fling.	1.3133	0.06164	83	61	18	4
1689	Fido’s making you a very good offer to live on a nice farm in the country.	1.3131	0.05679	99	73	21	5
1690	He wants the dog house, the tree in the front yard, all the bushes, and the cat with a bell on it.	1.3130	0.05147	115	84	26	5
1691	This cease and desist letter says Snowflake loves “good girl, good girl” but not to the point of insincerity.	1.3130	0.05709	115	88	18	9
1692	I'm sorry to be finding against you, but as arbiter in this matter, I had to ask myself, "who's a good boy?"	1.3130	0.05841	115	89	16	10
1693	Your dog wants the whole back yard and requests you remove your front tire from the Buick. He marked that before you were in this relationship.	1.3130	0.05435	115	86	22	7
1694	And finally, halloween costumes are completely off the table.	1.3130	0.04976	131	97	27	7
1695	You'll get custody of the couch Monday thru Wednesday.	1.3125	0.05602	96	70	22	4
1696	At this meeting, my client will be addressed as Mr. Good Boy.	1.3125	0.06162	96	73	16	7
1697	And last but not least, there's a certain operation you'll have to undergo.	1.3125	0.05386	112	83	23	6
1698	And once a year, we celebrate our Take Your Master to Work Day. If you want to participate, please sign here.	1.3125	0.05234	112	82	25	5
1699	This states that Buddy does not admit to eating the shoe but he does not wish to contend the charge.	1.3125	0.05078	112	81	27	4
1700	We spell out all our terms---for obvious reasons.	1.3125	0.05981	96	72	18	6
1701	He wants you to sleep on the floor	1.3125	0.05602	96	70	22	4
1702	He's not going to just roll over.	1.3125	0.05602	96	70	22	4
1703	She’ll take half your assets but she’ll still be your best friend.	1.3125	0.05602	96	70	22	4
1704	I think you'll find this equitable. You get the meat and he gets the bones.	1.3125	0.05602	96	70	22	4
1705	The Dog says that the New Yorker’s jokes used to be a lot funnier.	1.3125	0.05817	112	86	17	9
1706	You can have the house but Mr. Fluffy insists on shared custody of the children.	1.3125	0.05234	112	82	25	5
1707	All we're asking for is a seat at the table.	1.3125	0.05533	112	84	21	7
1708	She hears what you’re saying, but only if there’s a treat involved	1.3120	0.05257	125	94	23	8
1709	And as per the terms of our agreement, you now must finally disclose the identity of the 'Good boy.'	1.3120	0.05005	125	92	27	6
1710	Until the agreement is signed, you, Sir, are in the doghouse.	1.3120	0.05257	125	94	23	8
1711	In signing this you agree to give unlimited belly scratches in perpetuity.	1.3119	0.05164	109	79	26	4
1712	Looks like you'll be the one sleeping in the dog house now.	1.3119	0.05636	109	82	20	7
1713	The plaintiff intends to file a Reckless Abandonment suit, but she's willing to settle out of court right now if you'll agree to never leave for work again.	1.3118	0.05716	93	68	21	4
1714	My client is willing to throw you a bone.	1.3118	0.05508	93	69	20	4
1715	His offer is final. You keep the leash. He keeps your left slipper.	1.3118	0.05917	93	69	19	5
1716	So you'll get your side of the bed Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, and every other weekend.	1.3113	0.05744	106	80	19	7
1717	No, we’re not firing you, we’re simply sending you to our farm upstate.	1.3113	0.05423	106	78	23	5
1718	Rex wants you to sign a pre-pup agreement. Pretty standard language here.	1.3113	0.06049	106	82	15	9
1719	She says she’ll settle out of court, but she wants to see you beg.	1.3113	0.05423	106	78	23	5
1720	He wants full custody of the wife.	1.3111	0.06047	90	67	18	5
1721	He says he'll agree to your proposed settlement if you throw your slippers into the deal.	1.3111	0.05837	90	66	20	4
1722	With this settlement, my client drops his wrongful neutering case.	1.3109	0.05566	119	91	19	9
1723	I'm pleased that you are in agreement with my client in that your actions were bad. They were very, very bad.	1.3107	0.05858	103	78	18	7
1724	My client says you don’t have a leg to pee on.	1.3107	0.05524	103	76	22	5
1725	You've been SAYING he's such a good boy, and now its time to formalize it.	1.3107	0.05524	103	76	22	5
1726	In these types of cases, it is usually fortuitous to accept the plea bargain; “you get the house and he gets the wife”.	1.3107	0.05694	103	77	20	6
1727	I'm sorry but we've offered the position to Buddy.	1.3107	0.05858	103	78	18	7
1728	As a condition of the divorce my client is demanding unrestricted visitation rights to your front lawn and garden.	1.3107	0.05168	103	74	26	3
1729	My client demands that you sign this prenup.	1.3106	0.04825	132	97	29	6
1730	It was the scratching of the chest,the patting the rump and the nose to nose baby talk.	1.3106	0.04944	132	98	27	7
1731	Smell this.	1.3103	0.05395	116	87	22	7
1732	I assure you, my client’s bite is just as strong as his bark.	1.3103	0.05965	87	64	19	4
1733	Would you mind fetching these things	1.3103	0.05736	87	63	21	3
1734	This can all go away if you'll just sign this agreement stipulating my client's bite is, in fact, worse than her bark.	1.3103	0.05736	87	63	21	3
1735	Okay, that takes care of bowls and squeaky toys, let's move on to daily treats.	1.3103	0.06603	87	67	13	7
1736	In lieu of your pension package, the Chairman offers you his wife’s dog.	1.3103	0.05666	116	89	18	9
1737	Sign the dogdamn papers.	1.3103	0.05532	116	88	20	8
1738	And finally, my client insists that if you fall down a well, that you call her before Lassie.	1.3103	0.05250	87	61	25	1
1739	He’s tired of always being in the dog house	1.3101	0.04643	129	93	32	4
1740	Paw print, please.	1.3101	0.05138	129	97	24	8
1741	Yes. The NDA does cover this meeting.	1.3100	0.05631	100	74	21	5
1742	Just sign it, Mr. Williams. Don’t make my client play Ruff	1.3100	0.05449	100	73	23	4
1743	You obviously can sit. Talk to us more about your roll over....	1.3100	0.05631	100	74	21	5
1744	We’re going to have to let you go, Skip. You haven’t been a good boy.	1.3100	0.05260	100	72	25	3
1745	One more thing: Just add that you’ll text him ‘Good boy!’ several times a day and we’ve got a deal	1.3100	0.04861	100	75	21	4
1746	I'm sorry that we can't help, your FIDO score is too low.	1.3099	0.07118	71	54	12	5
1747	My client has a bone to pick with your latest proposal.	1.3097	0.05041	113	82	27	4
1748	On paper, he’s a certified good boy.	1.3095	0.04709	126	93	28	5
1749	And this states that my client and I neither confirm nor deny chasing your ambulance.	1.3095	0.04972	126	93	27	6
1750	Who's in the doghouse now!	1.3095	0.05861	84	61	20	3
1751	She's willing to drop the action if you'll agree to stop calling her "my bitch" to your friends.	1.3095	0.04972	126	93	27	6
1752	Please know, the dog voted to retain you.	1.3093	0.05554	97	71	22	4
1753	I thought that seven-year itch was just fleas”	1.3093	0.06280	97	75	14	8
1754	We would have hired you,but unfortunately Fido ate your resume.	1.3093	0.05744	97	72	20	5
1755	My client thinks you should have the Prius, the washer/dryer, and the vacuum, but he gets the downstairs toilet, the 4k tv, and the neighbor’s cat.	1.3093	0.05744	97	72	20	5
1756	He said I should give you your walking papers.	1.3093	0.05744	97	72	20	5
1757	Final offer, three bones a day and we act like this never happened.	1.3093	0.05554	97	71	22	4
1758	Scruffy has asked for a separation because, although HE’S been a good boy, apparently YOU have not.	1.3091	0.05285	110	81	24	5
1759	My client can go as low as five belly rubs and 12 "good boys" per day, in exchange for not chewing up your slippers. Do we have an agreement?	1.3091	0.05441	110	82	22	6
1760	How would YOU feel about just one meal per day?	1.3091	0.05592	110	83	20	7
1761	And with this one, you’re agreeing to take full custody of the cat.	1.3091	0.05592	110	83	20	7
1762	My client is filing for divorce on the grounds of "irretrievable differences".	1.3088	0.04841	136	101	28	7
1763	Henceforth, you agree that each and every throwing motion shall result in the actual release of a ball.	1.3086	0.06246	81	60	17	4
1764	He's willing to negotiate, just don't make him beg!	1.3085	0.05459	94	68	23	3
1765	Muffy gets the house. You can stay in the kennel and keep the car.	1.3085	0.05863	94	70	19	5
1766	My client says he's ready to go on the papers.	1.3085	0.06241	94	72	15	7
1767	Fluffy will be sitting in on our meeting today. He’s from Nonhuman Resources.	1.3085	0.06241	94	72	15	7
1768	Gigi keeps the house and furniture, but she agrees to give you your choice of up to five of the chew toys.	1.3084	0.05851	107	82	17	8
1769	We've drawn up a pre-pup agreement.... Raw wagyu steak at least twice a week; no tricks expected; approval rights over prospective girlfriends. The usual stuff.	1.3084	0.05379	107	79	23	5
1770	We need your feedback on the ruff draft.	1.3084	0.05541	107	80	21	6
1771	Your list of duties would include belly rubs.	1.3084	0.05698	107	81	19	7
1772	And this is for calling my client a 'bitch.'	1.3083	0.05131	120	89	25	6
1773	The name of our firm is Wilson and Coco, and yes, she is a partner.	1.3083	0.04850	120	90	25	5
1774	Your property is a block away from the largest dog park in the city. We are prepared to offer you a generous sum for your house. Go ahead, flip it over.	1.3083	0.05773	120	94	15	11
1775	You'll be allowed to see the kids every other weekend	1.3083	0.04912	133	99	27	7
1776	Okay now write down a number and my partner and I will discuss if that's enough treats or not.	1.3077	0.05479	104	77	22	5
1777	My client is asking for the Manhattan crate and the East Hampton crate.	1.3077	0.05073	117	86	26	5
1778	My client wants to know what part of "best friend" you didn't understand.	1.3077	0.06190	91	69	16	6
1779	After careful consideration of your credentials, we've decided to hire Rex instead.	1.3077	0.05990	91	68	18	5
1780	It's corporate policy, John. Your comment, "we work you like a dog" just won't be tolerated here.	1.3077	0.05647	104	78	20	6
1781	Make his tail wag.	1.3077	0.05567	91	66	22	3
1782	My client wants the beach house, as well as your socks and the dental floss in the garbage.	1.3077	0.05127	104	75	26	3
1783	Mr. Chips will settle provided he is ceded both the doghouse property and indoor chewing rights.	1.3077	0.05859	78	56	20	2
1784	It’s a dog eat dog world So we hired the dog instead of you	1.3077	0.05990	91	68	18	5
1785	My client demands expanded time in the park and a new Frisbee.	1.3077	0.05567	91	66	22	3
1786	I'm afraid your resume didn't pass our sniff test.	1.3077	0.05567	91	66	22	3
1787	And finally, to ensure you are sincere, he wants to sniff you.	1.3077	0.05104	130	98	24	8
1788	… and of course, the vacuum cleaner will be going with you.	1.3077	0.05647	104	78	20	6
1789	You can keep the house but my client wants your wife in return	1.3077	0.06122	104	81	14	9
1790	I should warn you that this settlement will be no walk in the park.	1.3077	0.04941	104	74	28	2
1791	All things considered he says you weren’t the one.	1.3071	0.05245	127	99	18	10
1792	The prepup reads: no compromising on treats, down feather counts, and appropriate petting.	1.3070	0.05305	114	85	23	6
1793	Fido picked the right pile with the coin under it. Now it’s your turn.	1.3070	0.05305	114	85	23	6
1794	As of the new year you will no longer be best friends.	1.3070	0.05449	114	86	21	7
1795	Finally, as part of this prepup, my client wishes it established from the beginning and in perpetuity that he is a good boy.	1.3069	0.05217	101	73	25	3
1796	I've translated your dog's statement. 'Bow wow, bow wow' means 'Epstein didn't kill himself'.	1.3069	0.05583	101	75	21	5
1797	Page 23, paragraph 4.2, Rufus says that the wording isn't strong enough. "woof" should be replaced with "Grrrrr".	1.3069	0.05758	101	76	19	6
1798	You’re too controlling. He’s filing to be emancipated.	1.3069	0.05758	101	76	19	6
1799	I'm sorry we decided to go with loyalty.	1.3069	0.05758	101	76	19	6
1800	And finally, a map of all fire hydrants in a mile radius of your house.	1.3069	0.05758	101	76	19	6
1801	We're asking for the Malibu dog house, the fine bone china, and 50% alimony payable in spray cheese.	1.3069	0.05583	101	75	21	5
1802	In short, Scout's taking a walk.	1.3068	0.06124	88	66	17	5
1803	While not admitting to shoving Timmy into the well, my client extends this offer to make this go away.	1.3068	0.05447	88	63	23	2
1804	This is a collaborative divorce, I'm sure you can agree on who gets your wife.	1.3068	0.06124	88	66	17	5
1805	Regardless of his wagging tail, I can assure you my client is very serious.	1.3068	0.05907	88	65	19	4
1806	Yes, well, these proceedings would never have become necessary if you had heeded my client's earnest and urgent pleas for more walkies.	1.3068	0.06537	88	68	13	7
1807	He’s willing to meet you halfway on the snuggling, but frankly the number of walks you’re offering is a non-starter.	1.3068	0.05682	88	64	21	3
1808	This waiver allows my dog free access to your pant leg.	1.3065	0.04882	124	91	28	5
1809	Sure it's a bare bones deal, but it's as good as it's going to get.	1.3063	0.05086	111	81	26	4
1810	It says here your name is Dave but my client thinks Freckles would be way cuter.	1.3063	0.05975	111	87	14	10
1811	This is our final offer: my client want's his stick back"	1.3063	0.05399	111	83	22	6
1812	She only has one demand: The bed.	1.3063	0.05548	111	84	20	7
1813	My client’s position is that he’s a co-founder, not a pet.	1.3061	0.05506	98	72	22	4
1814	Your paperwork looks fine. Now we'll see if you pass the sniff test.	1.3061	0.05694	98	73	20	5
1815	By signing this you are agreeing that he is, indeed, a good boy	1.3059	0.06268	85	64	16	5
1816	My client keeps the territory that he has marked, e.g., the house. You may keep the cat.	1.3059	0.05803	85	62	20	3
1817	You witheld agreed upon treats and repeatedly failed to fairly compensate my client, despite him being, by your own admission, a 'good boy'.	1.3059	0.06040	85	63	18	4
1818	Firme aquí, su compañero se encargará del resto".	1.3059	0.06268	85	64	16	5
1819	This separation agreement stipulates you still need to pick up my clients poop.	1.3058	0.05358	121	92	21	8
1820	Here's the deal: You keep the kibbles, Fluffy gets the bits.	1.3058	0.05095	121	90	25	6
1821	His water bowl must now have ice cubes in it at all times.	1.3056	0.05652	108	82	19	7
1822	His 14 million Instagram followers prefer Todd, the dog walker.	1.3056	0.07032	72	55	12	5
1823	On these points–my client is dogged.	1.3056	0.05337	108	80	23	5
1824	The contract divides the duties. You'll be the one carrying the bag.	1.3056	0.05172	108	79	25	4
1825	As you wished, you got the dog and she got the house and kids.	1.3056	0.07568	72	57	8	7
1826	We've prepared your pre-puptual.	1.3053	0.04584	131	97	29	5
1827	Paper training is mandatory.	1.3053	0.05200	95	68	25	2
1828	My therapy dog made the difficult decision to terminate your employment	1.3053	0.05614	95	70	21	4
1829	The cat has to go.	1.3053	0.05810	95	71	19	5
1830	I am the one advising you. Do not look over there.	1.3053	0.06000	95	72	17	6
1831	Submit a caption. Play to win.	1.3053	0.06362	95	74	13	8
1832	He wants the mansion and you can have the doghouse.	1.3053	0.05614	95	70	21	4
1833	Best friend,yes,but with conditions.	1.3053	0.04980	95	67	27	1
1834	As you’re about to find out, a dog is not man’s best friend.	1.3053	0.05810	95	71	19	5
1835	Nothing will happen to your carpet, so long as my client receives adequate treats	1.3051	0.05036	118	87	26	5
1836	This is a ruff outline of his demands.	1.3049	0.05933	82	60	19	3
1837	I'm sorry, Jim. But only Rusty successfully completed the mandatory corporate obedience training.	1.3049	0.06420	82	62	15	5
1838	He'll stay with you, but wants your wife's biscuits.	1.3049	0.06181	82	61	17	4
1839	Given you pretended to throw the ball, but didn't, my client is prepared to settle for two milk bones and four tennis balls	1.3048	0.05434	105	78	22	5
1840	My client Fido would like you to sign this pet-nuptial agreement before he can accept you as his human.	1.3048	0.05086	105	76	26	3
1841	And two walks on Sundays . . .	1.3048	0.05434	105	78	22	5
1842	Your puppy wants you to sign this prepuptual agreement	1.3047	0.04905	128	95	27	6
1843	As agreed. Spike keeps the bed, the couch, and the backyard, and you keep the chair, the pillow, and the front yard. Sign here.	1.3043	0.05296	92	66	24	2
1844	In addition to the no-neutering clause,he also requires one of those really cool collars with the spikes on it.	1.3043	0.05934	92	69	18	5
1845	My assistant is in the doghouse	1.3043	0.05624	92	70	17	5
1846	He'll take house and the car and says you can keep your 401K and and your little trophy cat.	1.3043	0.04967	115	84	27	4
1847	He says, “You can keep the cat but he wants the blue water bowl.”	1.3043	0.05265	115	86	23	6
1848	She wants full custody and puppy support.	1.3043	0.05729	92	68	20	4
1849	Well,here's your pink slip and a chance to meet our new V.P. who earns 1/10 of your salary.	1.3043	0.05044	115	87	22	6
1850	She's taking the puppies.	1.3043	0.06324	92	71	14	7
1851	Before we finalize the adoption, my client wants to tighten up the language about how you define a ‘good boy.’	1.3040	0.05108	125	94	24	7
1852	You can keep the house, but Mr. Waggles gets the kids	1.3039	0.05536	102	76	21	5
1853	Given the pandemic, my client would like a 'prepup'.	1.3039	0.05174	102	74	25	3
1854	Next time, bring your dog to the job interview too.	1.3038	0.07059	79	62	10	7
1855	My client wants visitation rights with the children on weekends in which he's a good boy.	1.3037	0.04962	135	102	25	8
1856	He wants you to change his name from Rover to Fred.	1.3036	0.05505	112	85	20	7
1857	But none of your references are canine.	1.3036	0.04886	112	81	28	3
1858	Sit. Stay. Roll over.	1.3036	0.04886	112	81	28	3
1859	Your severance contains a bonus for staying on to complete the training of Mr. Fluffykins.	1.3036	0.04886	112	81	28	3
1860	You can keep the house, but he wants your old slippers, his tennis ball, and the rug you wouldn't let him poop on.	1.3036	0.05205	112	83	24	5
1861	The question of who bit who will be answered in court, sir.	1.3036	0.05505	112	85	20	7
1862	My client is countering your offer to share east end of the couch with granting him exclusive rights to the lower three feet of the bed.	1.3036	0.05205	112	83	24	5
1863	Well then let me put this in a language you'll understand.	1.3034	0.05628	89	65	21	3
1864	It’s a pretty standard prepup.	1.3034	0.05397	89	64	23	2
1865	The one non-negotiable is that you get rid of the cat.	1.3034	0.05628	89	65	21	3
1866	Agreed. Henceforth my client will be known by the name Phydeaux	1.3034	0.06272	89	68	15	6
1867	You get the dog house. She gets the estate in the Hamptons, the Mercedes, and monthly alimony to be paid in tennis balls."	1.3034	0.06472	89	69	13	7
1868	And this is your standard leash agreement.	1.3033	0.05320	122	93	21	8
1869	She'll give you the dog house and leash but she wants all your tennis balls and the back yard.	1.3033	0.05059	122	91	25	6
1870	If Rover doesn't bark when you pick up the paper, you're hired.	1.3030	0.05824	99	75	18	6
1871	Please. Just write down your side of the story.	1.3030	0.05266	99	72	24	3
1872	My client is willing to accept an offer of the bowl, chew toy, bone and tennis ball as a sign of good faith....	1.3030	0.05459	99	73	22	4
1873	If you do better on this little quiz than Ralph here, the job’s yours.	1.3030	0.05644	99	74	20	5
1874	He forfeits the house but insists on visitation rights with your wife, kids and parents.	1.3030	0.05824	99	75	18	6
1875	She says the weekly grooming sessions are negotiable, but the dog house in the Catskills & the costume jewelry collar are deal breakers.	1.3028	0.05607	109	83	19	7
1876	…and in the event that you survive Brandy, she’d like you to have the shoes she’s buried in the back yard.	1.3028	0.05132	109	80	25	4
1877	It may seem ridiculous Mr Smith but it’s exactly as per the pre-nup that you signed; Hector gets the ride-on lawnmower.	1.3028	0.05453	109	82	21	6
1878	Well of course he’s a dog but he’s an incredible attorney. It’s a real T R E A T to work with him.	1.3028	0.05453	109	82	21	6
1879	Your visitation rights will require two trips to an off -leash dog park.	1.3026	0.06218	76	56	17	3
1880	My client is asking for visitation rights of the cat and ownership of the doghouse.	1.3026	0.06218	76	56	17	3
1881	My client alleges you misrepresented yourself as a dog on the internet.	1.3023	0.06204	86	65	16	5
1882	Promise to stop picking up the cat poop in the backyard and Rex will agree to settle.	1.3023	0.03749	129	101	24	4
1883	My client states you breached paragraph nine of your contract, “Dog park visit on Fridays”.	1.3023	0.04996	129	97	25	7
1884	He"ll agree to "being fixed" if you do"	1.3023	0.05980	86	64	18	4
1885	…and he wants tennis ballimony for life.	1.3023	0.05747	86	63	20	3
1886	In exchange for three nutritious meals a day and a minimum of two daily walks my client agrees to love you unconditionally and to not destroy any upholstery.	1.3021	0.05758	96	72	19	5
1887	Maybe you should have thought about that before bringing some random pussy into the home you shared together.	1.3021	0.05758	96	72	19	5
1888	We are sorry it has come to this, but you've missed Walkies two Thursdays in a row.	1.3021	0.05758	96	72	19	5
1889	You get the kids. Max gets the peanut butter.	1.3021	0.05946	96	73	17	6
1890	Thank you for accepting the job offer. Nobody else would have a Maltese dog as their employer.	1.3021	0.05758	96	72	19	5
1891	We're downsizing...Beth here from HR will walk you through next steps	1.3019	0.06020	106	83	14	9
1892	She will sign over her dog house in exchange for a lifetime of grooming, organic food and placement with a family that doesn't call her "old stinky"	1.3019	0.05869	106	82	16	8
1893	If you could just sign under the paw print.	1.3017	0.04931	116	85	27	4
1894	My client wants half of all household waste.	1.3015	0.05147	136	105	21	10
1895	Sign here or my client w-a-l-k’s.	1.3014	0.06668	73	55	14	4
1896	Also, we keep the cafeteria well stocked with treats.	1.3014	0.06668	73	55	14	4
1897	I'm sorry, but he has better papers.	1.3012	0.06353	83	63	15	5
1898	Sorry, but Spot here is a far more qualified candidate.	1.3012	0.06580	83	64	13	6
1899	It's a Pre-Pup agreement.	1.3011	0.06264	93	72	14	7
1900	Sorry Anderson, but here at Perfumes Are Us, turns out Rusty can indeed do your job better than you.	1.3011	0.06074	93	71	16	6
1901	My client is fully prepared to W-A-L-K.	1.3011	0.05467	93	68	22	3
1902	By signing here you agree that in the case of a separation, he gets all the socks.	1.3011	0.05677	93	69	20	4
1903	Don’t think of it as losing your job; think of it as a new stress-free, non-work environment.	1.3011	0.05879	93	70	18	5
1904	It's at least one walk a day, or the shoe tearing won't stop. This is quite a good deal.	1.3011	0.06074	93	71	16	6
1905	Just admit it was you who farted, and we can all move on with our lives.	1.3010	0.05490	103	77	21	5
1906	He says you can have the house,but he wants the yard.	1.3010	0.04943	103	74	27	2
1907	No, Mr. Andrews, my client does not agree that two meals a day is fair compensation.	1.3010	0.04747	103	73	29	1
1908	The last CEO left his dog in charge.	1.3010	0.05661	103	78	19	6
1909	She'll let you have the dog house.	1.3010	0.05314	103	76	23	4
1910	The final interview requires that you allow my client to conduct a sniff test.	1.3009	0.05316	113	85	22	6
1911	We have a bone to pick with your adoption offer.	1.3009	0.05010	113	83	26	4
1912	And while not a legal pad, this does allow your dog to conduct his business inside.	1.3000	0.05946	100	77	16	7
1913	Take your time and chew on it.	1.3000	0.06113	100	78	14	8
1914	He became aware of his rights from an "Animal Planet" marathon.	1.3000	0.05222	100	73	24	3
1915	Fido does not recognize his male identity and should therefore not be neutered	1.3000	0.05946	100	77	16	7
1916	Fifi will take the doghouse and the house in the Hamptons.	1.3000	0.05737	80	58	20	2
1917	I'm sorry Mr. Johnson, we will not be able hire you at this time. My colleague here thinks you are overqualified.	1.3000	0.05412	100	74	22	4
1918	All he wants is the bowl.	1.3000	0.06007	90	68	17	5
1919	No attorney's fee necessary. I'm representing your dog pro-Bone-o.	1.3000	0.05855	110	86	15	9
1920	Before we finalize the pet adoption, Ruff will want to see some financials.	1.3000	0.05104	120	90	24	6
1921	He gets Carol in the divorce.	1.3000	0.05108	90	64	25	1
1922	Me? No. You'll report to the dog.	1.3000	0.06409	90	70	13	7
1923	My client requests that you stop "pretending" to pick up his waste as it taints his image as a neighborhood "dog influencer".	1.3000	0.05093	110	81	25	4
1924	A most unusual custody battle, but one of you has to take her.	1.3000	0.06006	80	59	18	3
1925	Spot is just looking for an amicable separation after you started rationing the biscuits	1.3000	0.04965	120	89	26	5
1926	She’ll allow you two walks a day and conjugal visits on the weekend.	1.3000	0.04926	110	80	27	3
1927	Four walks a day and no more Cindy and her poodle.	1.3000	0.05222	100	73	24	3
1928	I'm sorry your offer is rejected, she requires a doggie door and three walks a day.	1.3000	0.06006	80	59	18	3
1929	He asked for HR to attend this meeting. Here are your walking papers.	1.3000	0.04965	120	89	26	5
1930	I think we can all agree we’re well past ‘who’s a good boy’.	1.3000	0.05575	90	66	21	3
1931	You two are the finalists.	1.3000	0.05946	100	77	16	7
1932	It's customary for the dog to get at least half the bed. Max just wants what's his.	1.3000	0.05517	70	51	18	1
1933	Four walks a day, unlimited treats, and he sleeps in the bed—that’s our final offer.	1.3000	0.05737	80	58	20	2
1934	She will keep the condo, you can remain in the doghouse	1.2992	0.04784	127	94	28	5
1935	I'm sorry, but he's cutting you out of his will.	1.2991	0.05007	107	78	26	3
1936	Scraps wants full custody of your leg.	1.2991	0.05429	107	83	17	7
1937	These papers will certify his desire to change his name from 'Eddie' to 'Lassie'	1.2991	0.05347	107	80	22	5
1938	My client says she wants half the house. You can keep the car - and the kennel.	1.2991	0.05180	107	79	24	4
1939	You have 24 hours to find your dogs testicles	1.2990	0.06072	97	75	15	7
1940	And this is the 'Non Defecation' clause.	1.2990	0.05112	97	70	25	2
1941	I'm sorry to inform you we will have to let you go. Our new Inclusivity Officer will be a cat.	1.2990	0.05707	97	73	19	5
1942	Now you write down the amount of kibble you think is fair.	1.2990	0.05707	97	73	19	5
1943	My client claims it was you that bit him while on your postal route.	1.2990	0.06072	97	75	15	7
1944	I’m sorry we’ve had to let you go. The good news is that we’ve hired Bruno here after he proved to be a Very Good Boy on all your Zoom calls.	1.2990	0.05707	97	73	19	5
1945	Is this the report my client allegedly ate?	1.2990	0.05892	97	74	17	6
1946	Of course she gets the dog house.	1.2989	0.05921	87	65	18	4
1947	We'll have to let you go. Her health insurance is cheaper, and she won't need family leave time	1.2989	0.05691	87	64	20	3
1948	And, if you're planning to ask, my client has already prepared a formal answer as to "Who's a good boy?"	1.2989	0.05200	87	62	24	1
1949	For consideration of a bottomless bowl of biscuits, Rover conveys to you a thirty-three percent interest in his YouTube channel revenue.	1.2989	0.06143	87	66	16	5
1950	The petitioner cites grounds for the divorce as respondent human coming home with the scent of other dogs on him.	1.2989	0.06143	87	66	16	5
1951	This is your Inventoris Custodes form. You agree that anything you drop in the floor is his.	1.2989	0.05691	87	64	20	3
1952	If you agree to ten belly rubs per day, he will agree to only destroy one shoe per month.	1.2989	0.05921	87	65	18	4
1953	Before we provide the offer letter, Mr. Fluffy needs the name and address of every feline acquaintance you've had over the past ten years.	1.2987	0.07175	77	61	9	7
1954	Sorry for the typo. That should say ‘embark’ on a new journey.	1.2984	0.04856	124	92	27	5
1955	My client proposes to share custody of the frisbee.	1.2984	0.04719	124	91	29	4
1956	But first, you have to pass the smell test.	1.2982	0.05276	114	86	22	6
1957	It's a pretty standard pre-pup with a non-restraining order.	1.2982	0.04973	114	84	26	4
1958	Hereafter he'll be known as the puppy of the first part.	1.2982	0.05700	114	89	16	9
1959	He says it’s because you’re such a good boy.	1.2981	0.04904	104	75	27	2
1960	She gets possession of the dog house and you keep the boat and the car .	1.2981	0.05271	104	77	23	4
1961	As his therapist,I need you to write that he is indeed a good dog.	1.2981	0.05445	104	78	21	5
1962	He has a few questions to test your lovalty.	1.2981	0.05614	104	79	19	6
1963	Affidavit? He ate it.	1.2981	0.05271	104	77	23	4
1964	Don't say I didn't tell you to sign a prenup.	1.2979	0.06205	94	73	14	7
1965	He will no longer respond to any demeaning demands, such as requiring him to wag his tail and come running when you call his name. And he especially objects to the annual roundworm exam.	1.2979	0.06018	94	72	16	6
1966	My client says that on the internet you claimed to be a dog.	1.2979	0.06205	94	73	14	7
1967	But you can keep the cat.	1.2979	0.05202	94	68	24	2
1968	You need to sign this pre-pup.	1.2979	0.05825	94	71	18	5
1969	The claim is that you were caught petting with the bitch next door	1.2979	0.05418	94	69	22	3
1970	And finally, your initials here certify that my client is indeed a good boy.	1.2979	0.04978	94	67	26	1
1971	He wants the house, the bed, and all your left shoes. Final offer.	1.2979	0.05625	94	70	20	4
1972	Dr. Fido will ask you questions now. Just nod your head for "Yes", shake your head for "No", and look straight ahead if you don't know.	1.2977	0.04623	131	99	26	6
1973	My client seeks to resolve the contested issue of ‘who rescued whom’.	1.2977	0.05048	131	100	23	8
1974	I think you'll find the list of commands quite reasonable.	1.2976	0.06055	84	63	17	4
1975	Just sign here. She gets the doghouse and you're free to get that younger dog.	1.2976	0.06287	84	64	15	5
1976	Pick up the paper but don’t show it to me. I will guess our salary offer.	1.2976	0.05813	84	62	19	3
1977	Here is your yearly review, I need you to work more like a dog in 2022.	1.2976	0.06055	84	63	17	4
1978	Off course he won’t settle, did you really expect him to roll over and play dead?	1.2976	0.06287	84	64	15	5
1979	These are the points we'll review in today's mediation, beginning with your choice to name him 'Trump.'	1.2976	0.06055	84	63	17	4
1980	And once you have completed the application form, you will allow my assistant to sniff your legs.	1.2975	0.05068	121	91	24	6
1981	Bad news. Dog bites man is not news. Dog suing man is..	1.2973	0.05368	111	84	21	6
1982	He doesn't care what the pre-adopt agreement says. Either cancel the spading appointment or prepare to replace all of your furniture and flooring!	1.2973	0.07130	74	58	10	6
1983	Now, where do you see yourself in dog years?	1.2973	0.05368	111	84	21	6
1984	Now, I know this plan might seem a little ruff...	1.2973	0.05368	111	84	21	6
1985	Here's his final offer: Arf woof arf arf grrrr."	1.2973	0.06002	74	54	18	2
1986	Now it’s your turn. Write an explanation for “bitcoin chews.	1.2970	0.05367	101	75	22	4
1987	You can sign this settlement, or try explaining to a jury the concept of anal gland expression.	1.2970	0.06060	101	79	14	8
1988	You are hereby granted right of first refusal to all morsels dropped on the floor.	1.2970	0.05179	101	74	24	3
1989	Can you tell me about a time when you were a good boy?	1.2970	0.04984	101	73	26	2
1990	My client, Mr. Digs, requires it in writing that there are to be no more commands, excluding “Come” when followed by the words “and eat!”	1.2970	0.06060	101	79	14	8
1991	Wolf of wall street: the sequel.	1.2970	0.05548	101	76	20	5
1992	Neither party shall disclose the location of any bones or bone like toys without prior written consent.	1.2970	0.05724	101	77	18	6
1993	He'd like half of your Instagram followers.	1.2970	0.05179	101	74	24	3
1994	We clearly have a leg up.	1.2970	0.05548	101	76	20	5
1995	I know it's ruff.	1.2969	0.04880	128	96	26	6
1996	Now, if you’ll just lift your leg and leave your mark.	1.2967	0.06151	91	70	15	6
1997	Custody is a Bitch	1.2967	0.06151	91	70	15	6
1998	As a signing bonus we can offer an annual supply of poop bags.	1.2967	0.05741	91	68	19	4
1999	And most important of all is your loyalty oath.	1.2967	0.05949	91	69	17	5
2000	Do you still say my client ate your home work?	1.2967	0.05524	91	67	21	3
2001	You sign or my client walkies.	1.2967	0.04555	91	68	21	2
2002	Why did you leave your previous owner?	1.2963	0.06197	81	61	16	4
2003	I believe you will find the settlement for your misplaced slipper quite equitable.	1.2963	0.05305	108	81	22	5
2004	No matter how foolish your suggestions, Rex will always give you a look that says, Wow, great idea!	1.2963	0.05305	108	81	22	5
2005	It's standard practice here at Fidelity	1.2963	0.05622	108	83	18	7
2006	This is a No Cat/No Crate clause	1.2963	0.05678	81	59	20	2
2007	You are now legally best friends.	1.2963	0.05305	108	81	22	5
2008	Plaintiff further claims emotional distress from discovering that it's not bacon.	1.2963	0.05773	108	84	16	8
2009	She says you may keep the leash, harness, and clippers...but the bowls and Bunny Wunny are non-negotiable...	1.2963	0.05678	81	59	20	2
2010	I see why you might be anxious - so let's call it 'snip' instead	1.2963	0.05622	108	83	18	7
2011	He know this is stressful, so, as a good faith offering, he’d like to throw you a bone	1.2963	0.06197	81	61	16	4
2012	So it's settled. The company, and your dog, have approved you again to work from home.	1.2963	0.06197	81	61	16	4
2013	Your dog has signed the separation agreement, now the ball is in your court!	1.2960	0.04687	125	92	29	4
2014	Unfortunately, we have decided to transfer you to a farm upstate.	1.2959	0.05657	98	74	19	5
2015	Sorry, the original copies were eaten.	1.2959	0.05840	98	75	17	6
2016	My client demands full custody of the yellow squeezie toy.	1.2959	0.05840	98	75	17	6
2017	Regarding that surgery you’re planning for him? This codicil requires that you go first.	1.2959	0.06017	98	76	15	7
2018	It's not a divorce, it's an emancipation. You can still be friends, just not best friends.	1.2959	0.06190	98	77	13	8
2019	He doesn’t want custody of your wife.	1.2959	0.06017	98	76	15	7
2020	He's my therapy dog for ethics.	1.2958	0.07062	71	55	11	5
2021	Chester is not negotiable as to who gets the chew toys.	1.2957	0.05089	115	86	24	5
2022	He refuses to do any new tricks	1.2955	0.06082	88	67	16	5
2023	We're looking for someone who can parse the phrase, Knick-Knack-Paddywhack give the dog a bone.	1.2955	0.05863	88	66	18	4
2024	He said: "You ate his work"	1.2955	0.06497	88	69	12	7
2025	If you agree with his terms just wag your head.	1.2951	0.05165	122	93	22	7
2026	By signing this NDA you agree that "Bad, bad doggie" was never uttered in his presence.	1.2947	0.06147	95	74	14	7
2027	He says you bit him	1.2947	0.06327	95	75	12	8
2028	Did you expect himto work pro bone-o?	1.2947	0.05962	95	73	16	6
2029	I advised against all of his concessions, but he still wants to be your good boy.	1.2947	0.05370	95	70	22	3
2030	You can keep the dog house; my client wants the condo.	1.2947	0.05370	95	70	22	3
2031	Write down your answer - he understands everything you say.	1.2947	0.06147	95	74	14	7
2032	Yes, he got the entire estate, including the dog house.	1.2946	0.05174	112	84	23	5
2033	Since you decline to vaccinate, my client is asking for the house. He is offering you his outdoor living space as part of this settlement.	1.2946	0.05016	112	83	25	4
2034	The pre-nup is quite clear; Noodle Doodle gets the house and the boat.	1.2946	0.04853	112	87	19	6
2035	Look, you're getting a deal. You get the dog and she gets the house.	1.2946	0.05327	112	85	21	6
2036	Now you write three nice things about Princess.	1.2946	0.04721	129	96	28	5
2037	Where's your dog???	1.2941	0.05755	85	63	19	3
2038	The terms are in dog years.	1.2941	0.05755	85	63	19	3
2039	Sign!	1.2941	0.05993	85	64	17	4
2040	Who's a good boy? I'm sorry Carl, you're not a good boy."	1.2941	0.05322	102	76	22	4
2041	And if you sign the contract today it means that you are a very very good boy.	1.2941	0.05501	102	77	20	5
2042	You get the wife twice a month.	1.2941	0.05136	102	75	24	3
2043	Get rid of the new girlfriend or he W A L Ks.	1.2941	0.05322	102	76	22	4
2044	Sign below the paw print. Good Boy!	1.2941	0.04971	119	89	25	5
2045	After your last job, this should be a walk in the park.	1.2941	0.05506	85	62	21	2
2046	We're keeping the dog house.	1.2941	0.05322	102	76	22	4
2047	And, as agreed, you reliquish rights to any and all future puppies.	1.2941	0.05113	119	90	23	6
2048	Consider yourself lucky. The bitch said to throw you a bone.	1.2941	0.05843	102	79	16	7
2049	My client insists the children will be better off if you only visit on alternate weekends and holidays.	1.2941	0.04109	119	91	24	4
2050	I think it says, "Your offer can't be serious."	1.2941	0.05246	85	61	23	1
2051	I recommend you take his counteroffer of two walks a day and sleeping on your bed.	1.2936	0.04843	109	82	23	4
2052	We will need references from Spot, Rover and Dixie to confirm length and timing of their walks.	1.2936	0.05263	109	82	22	5
2053	Our final demand: no more referring to my client as ‘good boy’ in company communications. It undermines his authority and is a violation of our DEI policy.	1.2936	0.05263	109	82	22	5
2054	This includes full custody of all bones buried in the yard.	1.2936	0.05263	109	82	22	5
2055	You really should have listened to me and gotten a pre-pup	1.2936	0.05422	109	83	20	6
2056	In my client's defense, you do have a very biteable face Mr. Jones.	1.2935	0.05893	92	70	17	5
2057	In the interest of keeping things amicable,my client proposes that he gets the house and you get the kids.	1.2935	0.05250	92	69	20	3
2058	Treats for life for NIL rights—sign it or his instagram influencer days are over.”	1.2935	0.05473	92	68	21	3
2059	He just wants the yard, dog walkers, his bowl and a limo he can chase."	1.2933	0.05623	75	54	20	1
2060	Sadie wants the split to be amicable. She gets all the rawhide chews & kibbles and you get all the veggies & fruits.	1.2933	0.06785	75	58	12	5
2061	Welcome to the doghouse. Payback's a bitch.	1.2933	0.07045	75	59	10	6
2062	We need you to sign a pre-pup.	1.2933	0.06231	75	56	16	3
2063	He says you’re now to be trusted off lead.	1.2931	0.04745	116	85	28	3
2064	Just sign here. It is agreed that he gets the house and you get the kennel.	1.2931	0.05269	116	91	17	8
2065	And this is the copy you can give him to chew up after he's moved in.	1.2931	0.05051	116	87	24	5
2066	As Dog is your witness . . .	1.2929	0.05607	99	75	19	5
2067	Well, assuming you're house trained and have all your shots, the job is yours!	1.2929	0.05420	99	74	21	4
2068	If you agree to my clients terms, bark twice	1.2929	0.05420	99	74	21	4
2069	It’s a standard Pre-Nip”	1.2927	0.05382	123	96	18	9
2070	It's official... You're no longer best friends.	1.2927	0.07046	82	66	8	8
2071	So, once you sign here, the leash will officially become null and void.	1.2927	0.06132	82	62	16	4
2072	Per my assistant, your memo topic is "Who's a Good Boy?"	1.2927	0.06605	82	64	12	6
2073	It's very simple. You follow Judge McRuff's order to remove my client's electric collar or you end up with an ankle bracelet of your own.	1.2927	0.05620	82	60	20	2
2074	My client finds your terms to be too "ruff."	1.2927	0.05620	82	60	20	2
2075	Whether you sign this or not, we’re walking.	1.2925	0.05356	106	80	21	5
2076	He offers you visiting rights to the human female three times a month plus Christmas. That's his final offer.	1.2925	0.05522	106	81	19	6
2077	Payback is a bitch!	1.2925	0.05522	106	81	19	6
2078	My client is willing to agree to joint custody of the chew toys.	1.2923	0.04429	130	95	32	3
2079	Sign here, initial these; you'll be neutered in the morning.	1.2921	0.05582	89	66	20	3
2080	Don't worry, he's paper trained.	1.2921	0.05104	89	64	24	1
2081	I realize you didn’t see this coming.	1.2921	0.06432	89	70	12	7
2082	My client doesn’t have a bone in this fight.	1.2921	0.05104	89	64	24	1
2083	...And you'll get the kids every other weekend. Any questions?	1.2921	0.05348	89	65	22	2
2084	You do realise the dog can do your job,right?	1.2921	0.05582	89	66	20	3
2085	I'll just need a John Hancock and a Rin Tin Tin.	1.2921	0.06432	89	70	12	7
2086	My client is suing for defamation of character, as he has ardently claimed it "wasn't him who got into the delicious garbage" and that you've tarnished his reputation of being a "good boy".	1.2921	0.05348	89	65	22	2
2087	Oh, and you can keep your lousy slippers!	1.2920	0.05433	113	87	19	7
2088	Here's your share of his kibbles and bits	1.2920	0.04978	113	84	25	4
2089	This is Lucky's Pre-pup.	1.2920	0.05286	113	86	21	6
2090	My client agrees you can keep the bed, but wishes to have the living room sofa.	1.2917	0.05322	96	71	22	3
2091	I'm sorry, but the can opener is a non-negotiable.	1.2917	0.05322	96	71	22	3
2092	Buster wants to end things amicably.”	1.2917	0.05719	96	73	18	5
2093	ITS A BITCH BUT YOU STILL HAVE TO COMPLETE THE APPLICATION	1.2917	0.04936	120	90	25	5
2094	Before he agrees to be your pet he wants to see your FICO score.	1.2917	0.05524	96	72	20	4
2095	I'm sorry, but you didn't go to an Ivy League obedience school.	1.2917	0.06390	72	54	15	3
2096	You get one weekend a month with the puppies, that's our final offer.	1.2917	0.04893	96	69	26	1
2097	My client,Fido,wants custody of his house and the larger one you kept mostly to yourself.	1.2917	0.05719	96	73	18	5
2098	He’ll be your best friend, but he will need these benefits; 401k, medical, paternity leave, 6 weeks vacation, and sick pay	1.2917	0.05322	96	71	22	3
2099	Look, Sam, she's throwing you a bone.	1.2917	0.05524	96	72	20	4
2100	All right. You get the steak he gets the bone.	1.2917	0.05112	96	70	24	2
2101	We kept the dog-eared copy.	1.2917	0.05524	96	72	20	4
2102	Thank you for your time,but our Instagram followers have unanimously decided that Scruffy is the better candidate for this position.	1.2917	0.05719	96	73	18	5
2103	...and you further agree to stop blaming the dog.	1.2913	0.05094	103	76	24	3
2104	My client is going public with what he’s seen unless you settle at four pieces of cheese.	1.2913	0.05455	103	78	20	5
2105	I suggest you accept these terms. If not, Scotty is prepared to play hard ball.	1.2913	0.05455	103	78	20	5
2106	Bitch gets the Porsche.	1.2911	0.06534	79	61	13	5
2107	Before he submits to petting or snuggling he must have assurances of daily treats, ball chasing, and walks past the house with the hot poodle.	1.2911	0.07013	79	63	9	7
2108	Miss Fluffy's settlement offer includes you fetching your own slippers and picking up your own sticks.	1.2911	0.06016	79	59	17	3
2109	You just took the videos, the Instagram is all her.	1.2909	0.05222	110	83	22	5
2110	In summary,my client wants you to “fess up” to your own farts.	1.2909	0.05532	110	85	18	7
2111	He will be keeping the treats earned during the course of your relationship.	1.2909	0.05222	110	83	22	5
2112	There can only be one top dog	1.2907	0.05698	86	64	19	3
2113	Jones, here's your pink slip. Mr Barker will be taking your place. We're confident our clients will like him more than you.	1.2907	0.05698	86	64	19	3
2114	We have some issues with the "Fetch" clause.	1.2907	0.05453	86	63	21	2
2115	He gets to keep the frisbees.	1.2906	0.05159	117	89	22	6
2116	He is willing to meet your terms on food and belly rubs, but the cat still has to go.	1.2903	0.05423	93	69	21	3
2117	It's a ruff decision.	1.2903	0.05838	93	71	17	5
2118	While you both scored high on intelligence and loyalty, I’m afraid Sparky has definitely beaten you on the “who’s a good boy?” metric.	1.2900	0.05738	100	77	17	6
2119	I’m so sorry, but your résumé suggested you were a Border Collie.	1.2900	0.05374	100	75	21	4
2120	We are citing irreconcilable differences. Please bark if you agree.	1.2900	0.05911	100	78	15	7
2121	my client wants YOU to beg.	1.2900	0.05738	100	77	17	6
2122	We’re taking fetch off the table.	1.2900	0.04777	100	72	27	1
2123	This is where you agree to give provide him with chew toys, toss the ball with him every day and tell him he’s a good boy. Sign here and the adoption contract is complete.	1.2900	0.04881	100	75	22	3
2124	My client,is NOT this mans best friend.	1.2900	0.05374	100	75	21	4
2125	... and right here it says we're not having any of that silly "fetch".	1.2900	0.05559	100	76	19	5
2126	Five percent of Spot's Instagram paid posts, is very fair.	1.2900	0.05183	100	74	23	3
2127	Describe the last time you've been both loyal and such a good boy.	1.2897	0.05635	107	83	17	7
2128	My client claims you have been sharing the bed with someone new.	1.2897	0.04970	107	79	25	3
2129	He'll bark less if you stop snoring.	1.2895	0.06706	76	59	12	5
2130	Your dog insists it's unconditional.	1.2895	0.05672	114	90	15	9
2131	I am sorry, but your parents left everything to Poochy	1.2895	0.06439	76	58	14	4
2132	Before he agrees to adoption, he wants a guarantee of only wet food and no shorter than a 20 foot leash.	1.2895	0.05246	114	87	21	6
2133	The first is a pretty standard pre-pup agreement. The second--a non-dogclosure agreement--is a little unusual.	1.2895	0.06706	76	59	12	5
2134	You can have the house in the Hampton's but she keeps private jet and the kibble.	1.2895	0.06160	76	57	16	3
2135	According to the boss, one of us is in the doghouse	1.2895	0.06439	76	58	14	4
2136	It's nothing personal. We're replacing you with a candidate that has unprecedented hearing skills.	1.2895	0.05392	114	88	19	7
2137	And the custody agreement for your wife-my client will have her at mealtimes, walkies, and every time he needs to get the tennis ball from under the couch	1.2895	0.05869	76	56	18	2
2138	My client has requested a clawback.”	1.2893	0.05434	121	95	17	9
2139	List your past employers, their breeds and owners.	1.2892	0.05563	83	61	20	2
2140	Take this IQ test. I'll compare your answers with Fido's.	1.2892	0.06534	83	65	12	6
2141	Before becoming VP of Who's A Good Boy, you have to tell us which stack of papers has the yummy underneath it.	1.2892	0.06970	83	67	8	8
2142	My client would like you to sign a prepup.	1.2892	0.05563	83	61	20	2
2143	he is suing you for alienation of affection	1.2892	0.05821	83	62	18	3
2144	Just sign here. It's all pretty standard -- give the dog a bone and this unpleasantness goes away.	1.2892	0.05821	83	62	18	3
2145	Due to your belief Trump is still president,we are concerned you do not have the requisite knowledge to do the job as well as our corporate mascot.	1.2892	0.06534	83	65	12	6
2146	Can you fetch?	1.2892	0.06306	83	64	14	5
2147	We feel peeing on the possession is nine-tenths of the law.	1.2892	0.06306	83	64	14	5
2148	This "work from home" thing has exceeded the time limit we set at our last meeting. He asks to be adopted by your ex. She leaves to go to work 5 days a week, serves better food and walks 3 times a day!	1.2892	0.05821	83	62	18	3
2149	My client has agreed that he will not chew up your sneakers if you agree to move out of the city. Do we have a deal?	1.2891	0.04854	128	97	25	6
2150	So here's the company security questionnaire, and then Jack here will sniff your crotch."	1.2889	0.05529	90	67	20	3
2151	Scruffy here says you have been a naughty boy and suggests you should work outside.	1.2889	0.05529	90	67	20	3
2152	So you admit your tee shirt indicating a preference for dogs was not the whole truth.	1.2889	0.05529	90	67	20	3
2153	We insist on a no-spay clause.	1.2889	0.05529	90	67	20	3
2154	You get to visit the pups twice a month.	1.2889	0.05415	90	69	17	4
2155	And you have to pass his sniff test.	1.2889	0.05529	90	67	20	3
2156	Your options are ‘beg’ or ‘roll over’.	1.2889	0.06369	90	71	12	7
2157	Please write an essay on why my dog thinks we should hire you.	1.2889	0.05751	90	68	18	4
2158	You both are being considered for our fetching position, which, I have to advise you, is very competitive,	1.2889	0.06170	90	70	14	6
2159	My client has extensive documented evidence for psychological abuse, including commands to play dead and forced wearing of a cone of shame.	1.2889	0.05751	90	68	18	4
2160	You understand, of course, he gets the house.	1.2889	0.05751	90	68	18	4
2161	My client saw you looking online to adopt a cat.	1.2889	0.05299	90	66	22	2
2162	My client is counting on you to keep him well fed-	1.2889	0.04933	90	67	21	2
2163	Some people have described our company as dog eat dog. What is your first impression?	1.2887	0.05475	97	73	20	4
2164	Section 3, Paragraph 2 expressly forbids your use of the word, 'pet' when in his company or in the company of human guests in the home. My client considers the word to be derogatory, patronizing, insulting, offensive and demeaning.	1.2887	0.05475	97	73	20	4
2165	I think we all know who has been a good boy and who has not.	1.2887	0.04625	97	69	28	0
2166	These papers annul the best friend agreement.	1.2887	0.05068	97	71	24	2
2167	This is the "No clipping his paws" clause.	1.2887	0.05276	97	72	22	3
2168	You can have the house, the car, and the cabin in the Berkshires. All he wants are the cat's litter box, your old shoes, and his balls back.	1.2887	0.06035	97	76	14	7
2169	He wants three walkies a day and the right to sleep on the bed, with or without the girlfriend.	1.2887	0.05855	97	75	16	6
2170	Sorry. He won't budge. He claims your ex feeds him much better than you do and her place is by the park.	1.2887	0.05276	97	72	22	3
2171	Rosco would like to renegotiate the terms of the adoption.	1.2887	0.05475	97	73	20	4
2172	Sign here to agree that my client will take the house while you will take the dog house and you get to keep the wife.	1.2885	0.05409	104	79	20	5
2173	…and if we can fetch your signature here…	1.2885	0.05234	104	78	22	4
2174	Take the offer or we'll bury you in court and/or the backyard.	1.2883	0.05635	111	87	16	8
2175	Here's the final decree based on denial of daily walks and other infidelities!	1.2883	0.05337	111	85	20	6
2176	My client wishes to dissolve his ownership contract. He has a number of other options.	1.2883	0.04938	111	85	21	5
2177	He says if you really love him you will let him go.	1.2881	0.05121	118	90	22	6
2178	He's offering you a woof over your head.	1.2881	0.05260	118	91	20	7
2179	Here are you petimony papers to sign.	1.2881	0.04977	118	89	24	5
2180	Irreconcilable differences...she wants to sniff other people.	1.2881	0.05396	118	92	18	8
2181	Instead of an interview, we check your IQ compared to the company dog .	1.2879	0.07406	66	52	9	5
2182	About this affidavit where you swear you didn't allegedly pet the neighbor's cat...	1.2875	0.05680	80	59	19	2
2183	My client is requesting you sign this NDA regarding any witnessed poop-eating incidents.	1.2875	0.05680	80	59	19	2
2184	As you see, we have diversified our staff.	1.2875	0.06212	80	61	15	4
2185	So, Mr. Smith, my client plans to sue you on the claim that when you threw the ball, your hand was actually, in fact, empty. We'll see you in court.	1.2875	0.06702	80	63	11	6
2186	This is a list of some of the things you'll have to be able to do if you're hired: sit, stay, fetch, rollover, shake hands, and a few more.	1.2874	0.05642	87	65	19	3
2187	I was hoping you might be willing to train your replacement.	1.2874	0.06097	87	67	15	5
2188	My client insisted that this case be handled pro bone.	1.2874	0.06097	87	67	15	5
2189	I'm representing him pro bono.	1.2874	0.05642	87	65	19	3
2190	You keep the house and he can stick his head out of the car window on the way home from the park.	1.2874	0.06097	87	67	15	5
2191	Just sign, “Arf” and we’re done here.	1.2874	0.05874	87	66	17	4
2192	My client asks you to omit the homework eating accusations.	1.2874	0.06097	87	67	15	5
2193	No pressure, MIT. But you’re up against AKC.	1.2872	0.05583	94	71	19	4
2194	The party of the first part would like the party of the second part to allow the party of the first part to stick his head fully out of the window while proceeding in the vehicle without regard to vehicle speed or weather conditions.	1.2872	0.05784	94	72	17	5
2195	I'm sorry but my client is not going to roll over on this.	1.2872	0.05583	94	71	19	4
2196	Nevertheless,the prepuptial agreement stands.	1.2872	0.05374	94	70	21	3
2197	My client has asked me to write a number representing the bags of Snausages he will require if you insist on naming him "Poochini."	1.2872	0.05784	94	72	17	5
2198	My client would like a statement from you! He's all ears!	1.2872	0.05583	94	71	19	4
2199	He wants the bed in the master suite.	1.2871	0.05328	101	76	21	4
2200	The company is strongly committed to diversity”	1.2871	0.05688	101	78	17	6
2201	He wants proof of your pedigree.	1.2871	0.05328	101	76	21	4
2202	My client is a free agent and has received an attractive offer from the Johnson's down the street. They're much more lenient about "people food".	1.2871	0.05328	101	76	21	4
2203	Bailey is suing you for custody of your wife.	1.2871	0.04943	101	74	25	2
2204	Given that you were witness to a recent incident involving Fido and your girlfriends leg, not to mention numerous incidences of urination and defecation, we are asking you to sign this NDA.	1.2871	0.05139	101	75	23	3
2205	He insists that you sign the "No Cats" clause before he agrees to be your family pet.	1.2871	0.05688	101	78	17	6
2206	You’d better sign. My client refuses to roll over.	1.2870	0.05589	108	84	17	7
2207	You'll be working from home, maybe appear in person once a month. But the dog is welcome here anytime.	1.2870	0.05271	108	82	21	5
2208	Yes he is vaccinated!	1.2870	0.05742	108	85	15	8
2209	This is a standard, legal, alpha dog contract recognizing better living conditions and submissive behavior on your part.	1.2868	0.05185	129	101	19	9
2210	My client wants sole custody of your wife.	1.2857	0.06629	77	60	12	5
2211	Buster will work for kibble. What are your salary requirements?	1.2857	0.06629	77	60	12	5
2212	His knowledge of leash laws is quite extensive; we'd like to see your essay on the same theme.	1.2857	0.05191	105	79	22	4
2213	Sorry your new year me	1.2857	0.05696	91	69	18	4
2214	Your paw print on the bottom line is all we require,	1.2857	0.04795	119	89	26	4
2215	The position is for narcotic detection not narcotic detective.	1.2857	0.05696	105	82	16	7
2216	If you know what's good for you, Mister Kopinski, you'll play ball.	1.2857	0.05230	98	73	22	3
2217	Despite your adversary’s whining, I actually think it’s a very fair settlement.	1.2857	0.04275	140	106	29	5
2218	Sit" is okay. "Roll over and play dead" is out	1.2857	0.05761	84	63	18	3
2219	Fluffy gets everything but the doghouse...you get the doghouse.	1.2857	0.05533	105	81	18	6
2220	It's a kick back Mr. Black, give the dog a loan.	1.2857	0.05618	98	75	18	5
2221	According to my client, the day you brought the cat home was one of many premeditated adulteries."	1.2857	0.05696	91	69	18	4
2222	This is a bit awkward. Normally two candidates don’t meet like this.	1.2857	0.05855	105	83	14	8
2223	let's see if you can learn new things.	1.2857	0.05477	91	68	20	3
2224	He'd like you to take the lead.	1.2857	0.05012	105	78	24	3
2225	I'm sorry, but you'll need separate representation.	1.2857	0.06005	84	64	16	4
2226	Mr. Snuffles is a certified notary.	1.2857	0.05507	84	62	20	2
2227	He wants all of the squeaky toys	1.2857	0.06239	84	65	14	5
2228	You can read Fido's memoir before its published, but he won't change a word of it.	1.2857	0.05365	105	80	20	5
2229	He can smell a rat.	1.2857	0.05906	91	70	16	5
2230	My client defends his actions of defecating on the rug, on the account that your entire place is a "Sh*t Hole".	1.2857	0.05477	91	68	20	3
2231	My client wants full custody of the tennis balls.	1.2857	0.05191	105	79	22	4
2232	My client would like it in writing that he’s a ‘good boy.’	1.2857	0.05025	98	72	24	2
2233	Your signature means "Hence-forth I have no other god than Buster."	1.2857	0.05365	105	80	20	5
2234	Don’t worry, we’ll still be best friends.	1.2857	0.06153	70	52	16	2
2235	He gets the house and, of course, the pickup.	1.2857	0.05761	84	63	18	3
2236	This appendix outlines my client's minimum net worth requirements, which are typical for a rescue of her breed.	1.2857	0.05141	112	85	22	5
2237	And because my client did not consent to being neutered, this is his settlement demand for pain and suffering.	1.2857	0.06239	84	65	14	5
2238	Yes the 2 best things about the job are that you can have your dog go to meetings for you and no one needs to wear pants.	1.2857	0.05146	126	98	20	8
2239	Before Buddy will agree to go home with you, he seeks your assurance that the cat sleeps outside.	1.2857	0.05240	84	61	22	1
2240	...so sign this and all his TikTok proceeds will got o you.	1.2857	0.05761	84	63	18	3
2241	Of course,we will expect you to learn to fetch and roll over After which we may consider you for regular employment	1.2857	0.05696	91	69	18	4
2242	As your fiancé, it's my duty to tell you our dog is demanding to be our joint best man; it's all here in paw-print!	1.2857	0.06110	91	71	14	6
2243	Sorry but the dog wrote a better essay on what it takes to be a good dog owner.	1.2857	0.05761	84	63	18	3
2244	Pookie will settle for a yak bone, legal costs, and a half-page ad in the Sunday paper in which you admit that it was you, not Pookie, who defecated on the neighbor's yard.	1.2857	0.06005	84	64	16	4
2245	All it says is "Ball" but he would still like you to sign it.	1.2857	0.06005	84	64	16	4
2246	My client suggests that he take the cabin and that you keep the dog house.	1.2857	0.05477	91	68	20	3
2247	I'm sorry Bill, but Rex just is a better employee, so we have to let you go.	1.2857	0.05507	84	62	20	2
2248	The terms stipulated here are exactly those to which you agreed in the prepup.	1.2857	0.05618	98	75	18	5
2249	He says you've been stealing his mail.	1.2857	0.05365	105	80	20	5
2250	How are you at doggerel?	1.2846	0.04663	130	98	27	5
2251	Do you feed squirrels or own a cat? If yes, please explain.	1.2845	0.05310	116	90	19	7
2252	I'm really sorry,but the dog has much better people skills.	1.2844	0.05229	109	83	21	5
2253	Before you sign, please understand that Fido would still like to "stay friends" . . .	1.2844	0.04893	109	81	25	3
2254	Yes, I know you said she can keep the dog, but apparently someone wants that in writing.	1.2844	0.05695	109	86	15	8
2255	Please list any prior experience in regards to throwing balls.	1.2844	0.04893	109	81	25	3
2256	She says she'll split the treats and chew toys 50-50, but she gets the house.	1.2844	0.04438	109	81	26	2
2257	He gets the house. You get the kids.	1.2843	0.05464	102	78	19	5
2258	My client demands the return of his testicles.	1.2843	0.05808	102	80	15	7
2259	And, finally, this is the Non-Neutering Agreement, which will remain in force as long as he is a good boy.	1.2843	0.05283	102	77	21	4
2260	My client requested pro bone-o.	1.2843	0.05639	102	79	17	6
2261	My client wants to ensure you will be meeting your regular walking obligations.	1.2843	0.05096	102	76	23	3
2262	We won’t get anywhere unless you give up the sofa.	1.2842	0.05325	95	71	21	3
2263	My client claims multiple incidences of unknown hair on your pants	1.2842	0.05111	95	70	23	2
2264	Scratch, sniff, and sign here.	1.2842	0.05532	95	72	19	4
2265	Of course, Skippy, we encourage our employees to bring their emotional support humans to work.	1.2841	0.05587	88	66	19	3
2266	He's senior counsel for the ASPCA. Deal with it!	1.2841	0.05587	88	66	19	3
2267	You have seen that the proposal has passed my client’s sniff test.	1.2841	0.05348	88	65	21	2
2268	My client says that this time he will not "roll over".	1.2841	0.06036	88	68	15	5
2269	He says he wants the wife and the kids. You can have the cats. Otherwise he's taking it to court.	1.2841	0.05816	88	67	17	4
2270	She says the rescue was forced.	1.2841	0.05587	88	66	19	3
2271	This concludes the arbitration. Buster will resume rolling over. In return, Buster gets to eat your slippers.	1.2840	0.05620	81	62	16	3
2272	My client is offering weekend walks in exchange for nightly belly rubs.	1.2840	0.05620	81	60	19	2
2273	I think you’ll find this offer worse than his bite.	1.2840	0.05339	81	59	21	1
2274	Again, my client says, 'woof!'	1.2840	0.06391	81	63	13	5
2275	If you dressed as well as your dog, you'd probably have a job by now.	1.2840	0.05889	81	61	17	3
2276	Sign here. If the dog barks you are toast"	1.2838	0.06241	74	56	15	3
2277	We agree that you can keep all shoes and socks, but we are keeping Sharon.	1.2838	0.05616	74	54	19	1
2278	I’m afraid my client isn’t willing to budge on the raw hide severance package.	1.2837	0.03674	141	110	26	5
2279	My client agrees to continue with the Wednesday walks as long as he doesn't have to wear a dog collar and shower afterwards, of course!	1.2833	0.05046	120	92	22	6
2280	Duke is very sorry and sadly has rejected your application as a adopter.	1.2833	0.04906	120	91	24	5
2281	So Fido gets the house, and you get the yard. Just sign here.	1.2833	0.04611	120	89	28	3
2282	He just seems more loyal than you.	1.2832	0.05102	113	86	22	5
2283	We don't do best friends	1.2830	0.05321	106	81	20	5
2284	You haven't played in ten years. We're pushing for full custody of the tennis balls.	1.2830	0.05149	106	80	22	4
2285	Do you know cursive?	1.2830	0.05321	106	81	20	5
2286	Let’s see if you pass the loyalty test.	1.2830	0.05149	106	80	22	4
2287	My client is requesting half of the kennel equity, and those items marked in urine.	1.2830	0.05648	106	83	16	7
2288	My client is prepared to settle for a belly rub.	1.2828	0.05380	99	75	20	4
2289	She wants the BarcaLounger.	1.2828	0.05750	99	77	16	6
2290	You can keep the house. But my client reserves the right to dig holes in the lawn whenever he likes.	1.2828	0.04771	99	72	26	1
2291	… and you are to provide food and water and agree to get neutered.	1.2828	0.05185	99	74	22	3
2292	He knows you shook on it ,but he wants it in writing!	1.2828	0.05380	99	75	20	4
2293	I've hired my dog Armando to conserve your trust	1.2828	0.05568	99	76	18	5
2294	I’m sorry. The new guy is just better at sniffing out new opportunities.	1.2828	0.05927	99	78	14	7
2295	He keeps the Laz-Z-Boy and the diamond collar, you get visiting rights to Miss Kitty and all the leftovers.	1.2826	0.05642	92	70	18	4
2296	This is our reply. Bear in mind it's just a ruff draft.	1.2826	0.05426	92	69	20	3
2297	As gender-neutral, they don't like you saying "Here boy."	1.2826	0.05642	92	70	18	4
2298	Sign this now or we'll be forced to bring the cat in for further testimony against you.	1.2826	0.05426	92	69	20	3
2299	My client claims custody of your heart.	1.2826	0.05642	92	70	18	4
2300	Your mother was a dog lover, so Rover will inherit all the multi-million dollar estate, while you and your cat will each get $500.	1.2826	0.05850	92	71	16	5
2301	Estate planning is just a little more complicated in dog years.	1.2824	0.04911	85	61	24	0
2302	Let's review the terms of the separation anxiety	1.2824	0.05452	85	63	20	2
2303	And he also wants his name used as a password only on very important websites	1.2824	0.06398	85	67	12	6
2304	Of course the divorce won't be final until you return my client's chewy toy and water bowl.	1.2824	0.05452	85	63	20	2
2305	My client would like full custody of the dog treats	1.2824	0.05944	85	65	16	4
2306	He knows it's a dog's life, so you agree that every time you tell him, again, 'It's a dog's life,' or 'It's the life of a dog,' or any equivalent reminder of his quote dogness close quote, he may bite your ankle with impunity.	1.2824	0.05703	85	64	18	3
2307	He wants the cat out by tomorrow.	1.2824	0.05703	85	64	18	3
2308	She will retain the main the house, garden and of course her old dog house.	1.2823	0.04799	124	94	25	5
2309	You can keep your bedroom, but the couch and backyard are hers.	1.2823	0.04138	124	92	30	2
2310	This next page waives your right to palimony.	1.2821	0.06024	78	59	16	3
2311	If you'll just sign here, Bruno says you can have the cat; he gets the rest.	1.2821	0.06554	78	61	12	5
2312	No. In this instance, we call it a PrePup	1.2821	0.04982	117	89	23	5
2313	...And she demands playing fetch a minimum of thrice daily.	1.2821	0.06024	78	59	16	3
2314	Bad contract! He wants you to roll it up and hit yourself in the face with it.	1.2821	0.06554	78	61	12	5
2315	I know you are just starting, but here is your resignation form.”	1.2821	0.06803	78	62	10	6
2316	Too late. You already shook on it	1.2818	0.05649	110	87	15	8
2317	Your “bad boy” vibes simply have no place in this company	1.2818	0.05024	110	83	23	4
2318	Don't worry. It's only a formality.	1.2818	0.05346	110	85	19	6
2319	She gets the dog house and the treats	1.2818	0.05024	110	83	23	4
2320	You can keep the house and the car, but the squeaky toes and stray socks are hers.	1.2812	0.05678	96	74	17	5
2321	This paper states that you cannot throw an invisible ball for him any more	1.2812	0.06231	96	77	11	8
2322	He's a dog,he doesn't need sensitivity training	1.2812	0.05482	96	73	19	4
2323	My client is willing to settle the case right now for more pats, belly rubs, and, I quote, "Who's a good boy?"	1.2812	0.05278	96	72	21	3
2324	Look at that subtle off-white colouring. The tasteful thickness of it. Oh my God, it even has a watermark.	1.2812	0.05581	96	76	14	6
2325	So. No more eating her kibble, ok?	1.2812	0.05678	96	74	17	5
2326	Please list 3 reasons why dogs make excellent executives.	1.2812	0.05066	96	71	23	2
2327	As a faithful companion, all these years, he feels entitled to half of everything.	1.2812	0.05482	96	73	19	4
2328	I'm afraid the least we will accept is 3 tummy rubs per day.	1.2812	0.05678	96	74	17	5
2329	If you concede to the enhanced walk schedule laid out in Appendix A, my client agrees not to ruin any more pairs of your slippers.	1.2812	0.05482	96	73	19	4
2330	My assistant here tells me that you did not scratch him behind the ears, and that you failed to give him a Christmas biscuit. What do you have to say for yourself?	1.2810	0.05010	121	93	22	6
2331	All she wants is the collection of old sneakers. You can keep the cat.	1.2809	0.05297	89	66	21	2
2332	Co-sign and the doghouse is his.	1.2809	0.05533	89	67	19	3
2333	By signing here, you relinquish all rights to his stud fees.	1.2809	0.05533	89	67	19	3
2334	My client maintains that, as a member of the household, he's entitled to do a bit of re-decorating.	1.2809	0.05977	89	69	15	5
2335	…going forward , my client would like all inquiries concerning who’s a good boy in writing	1.2809	0.05297	89	66	21	2
2336	He wants you to define "best."	1.2809	0.05759	89	68	17	4
2337	My client gets the house, the yard and custody of the dog walker. You can keep the leash, the flea comb and the cat.	1.2809	0.05759	89	68	17	4
2338	It's a puppy pre~nup	1.2809	0.05759	89	68	17	4
2339	By signing this, you agree never to own a dog who is smarter than you again.	1.2809	0.05759	89	68	17	4
2340	'This freedom of information request obligates you to disclose who is a good boy.'	1.2807	0.05214	114	88	20	6
2341	His only demand is that he retains the 'dog park friends' as his own.	1.2807	0.05063	114	87	22	5
2342	My client’s got a bone to pick with you!	1.2807	0.05361	114	89	18	7
2343	He’s not demanding an end to the relationship, just a paws.	1.2807	0.05063	114	89	19	6
2344	This explains your duties if Rover here picks you to be his dog walker, after he conducts the interview.	1.2805	0.06322	82	64	13	5
2345	He’s just not sure you are Master material….	1.2805	0.06322	82	64	13	5
2346	You can have my old office, the one with the fire hydrant.	1.2805	0.05285	82	60	21	1
2347	You chose Hank from the office as your best friend. Here's the compensation we're claiming.	1.2805	0.06322	82	64	13	5
2348	He's got a bone to pick with you.	1.2805	0.06556	82	65	11	6
2349	He can sense fear.	1.2805	0.06079	82	63	15	4
2350	It’s his final offer: walks on demand, steak for dinner and unlimited treats. Oh, and he sleeps where he wants	1.2805	0.05827	82	62	17	3
2351	My client argues that this operation will violate his reproductive rights.	1.2805	0.05827	82	62	17	3
2352	Well, do you want to be top dog in this company or not?	1.2804	0.05108	107	81	22	4
2353	My client would like full custody of any and all toys.	1.2804	0.05442	107	83	18	6
2354	It was close, but she clearly out performed you on the written.	1.2804	0.05277	107	82	20	5
2355	Rufus claims that you took your lunch out of the fridge and didn't give him a bite. Is that true?	1.2800	0.05333	100	76	20	4
2356	You always asked my client questions. Here are her answers and demands.	1.2800	0.04899	125	96	23	6
2357	Here, look at the ownership agreement. It clearly states no dry kibble.	1.2800	0.05519	100	77	18	5
2358	Your best friend insists you return to the office.	1.2800	0.06208	100	81	10	9
2359	Okay. I've just added the "help me find a girlfriend during park and beach walks" clause to your pet prenup.	1.2796	0.05376	93	70	20	3
2360	If he can have the frisbee collection, he’ll drop everything else.	1.2796	0.05376	93	70	20	3
2361	I know he was the one that cheated, but there's no way you're getting the dog house.	1.2796	0.05376	93	70	20	3
2362	He has agreed to let you keep the cat.	1.2796	0.05376	93	70	20	3
2363	He wants "You're a good boy" in writing.	1.2796	0.05590	93	71	18	4
2364	My client asks if you can throw him a bone and we'll get all this settled.	1.2796	0.05795	93	72	16	5
2365	She requests custody of the dogwalker.	1.2796	0.05154	93	69	22	2
2366	Sorry, we only employ blonds.	1.2796	0.05376	93	70	20	3
2367	This form releases my client from any and all claims, or as we like to say in the Industry, unleashes him.	1.2796	0.05993	93	73	14	6
2368	Further more my client insists that you sign this stipulation stating that he is 'a good boy, in fact, a very good boy'.	1.2796	0.06185	93	74	12	7
2369	I'm afraid this is our best and final offer. Spot wishes to remind you that you once referred to him as "The dimwitted urinator."	1.2796	0.05795	93	72	16	5
2370	We want you to give us the Stick account. And we won't let it go.	1.2794	0.04264	136	104	28	4
2371	Add one more daily belly rub, and you've got yourself a deal.	1.2793	0.04818	111	83	25	3
2372	To help me make up my mind, write a letter to my dog.	1.2793	0.05456	111	87	17	7
2373	It IS an unusual custody-sharing request.	1.2793	0.04985	111	84	23	4
2374	My client has requested that you return to your workplace immediately and stop talking to him as if he were your life coach	1.2793	0.05147	111	85	21	5
2375	It's a bitch, but someone's got to make the decision.	1.2793	0.04985	111	84	23	4
2376	I was initially skeptical of you bringing Snowball to the office. But now that he runs HR, he's decided you should stay home.	1.2791	0.06544	86	69	10	7
2377	The doghouse is non-negotiable.	1.2791	0.06111	86	67	14	5
2378	He’ll give up half his kibble if you agree to forfeit the leash.	1.2791	0.05139	86	63	22	1
2379	No, he gets the house, you get the kennel	1.2791	0.04919	129	100	22	7
2380	He's letting you keep the house, but he wants the couch.	1.2791	0.05398	86	64	20	2
2381	He says you've been a good boy. You get your raise.	1.2791	0.05646	86	65	18	3
2382	Fetching will be limited to week days, treats will be given without begging and no cats.	1.2791	0.06331	86	68	12	6
2383	So you want to play hardball? Then we have a deal.	1.2788	0.05870	104	83	13	8
2384	You'll notice the first requirement in your employment contract deals with the issue of doggie treats.	1.2788	0.05195	104	79	21	4
2385	Next time check with your state laws.	1.2788	0.05195	104	79	21	4
2386	None of my human boys were interested,so I’m handing over the firm to Floppy.	1.2788	0.05012	104	78	23	3
2387	No more baths, de-wormer pills, nail clipping, choke collars, or else.	1.2787	0.04396	122	90	30	2
2388	For the sterilization without consent with pain and suffering, that's $4 million, or a box of dog treats.	1.2785	0.05386	79	58	20	1
2389	My client is citing “communication difficulties” after 8 years, do you still need to ask “who’s a good girl?”	1.2785	0.06224	79	61	14	4
2390	My partner here has marked a spot for you.	1.2785	0.05820	79	62	13	4
2391	This could have been yours but Fido wanted it more.	1.2785	0.06224	79	61	14	4
2392	Mr. Sniffles finds your use of the phrase 'pre-puptial agreement' demeaning and dismissive. And he sees no reason why belly rubs should not be given on demand.	1.2785	0.06480	79	62	12	5
2393	He says, "You first."	1.2785	0.06224	79	61	14	4
2394	My client alleges your relationship is "friendly acquaintance" instead of "best friend."	1.2785	0.05958	79	60	16	3
2395	It says here he wants his balls back	1.2785	0.05679	79	59	18	2
2396	Max has filed for emancipation, here are your papers.	1.2784	0.04574	97	75	19	3
2397	I am sorry we have to let you go. This is just a cost cutting measure we are making since we found out Rover can fetch faster than you and for dog treats.	1.2784	0.05627	97	75	17	5
2398	What did you expect? She's a shitsue	1.2784	0.05815	97	76	15	6
2399	You get the puppies,she gets the house.	1.2784	0.05815	97	76	15	6
2400	Rufus has named you Executor for his will. You will fetch, beg, and play dead at his command.	1.2784	0.05997	97	77	13	7
2401	My client’s expectations to satisfy the term ‘man’s best friend’ ”	1.2784	0.05022	97	72	23	2
2402	My client wants you to sign a Prepuptial Agreement.	1.2784	0.05433	97	74	19	4
2403	You are both qualified candidates but we decided to go with Spot. His loyalty speaks for itself.	1.2784	0.05627	97	75	17	5
2404	You’d be barking mad not to sign	1.2784	0.05433	97	74	19	4
2405	He'd like you to go on the paper.	1.2783	0.05461	115	91	16	8
2406	You removed his balls without consent,sir. I recommend you settle now before it goes to curt.	1.2783	0.05319	115	90	18	7
2407	This one says you have to give three “good boy”s per day minimum	1.2778	0.05235	108	83	20	5
2408	Rest assured, we are a people friendly company.	1.2778	0.05709	108	86	14	8
2409	He wants to be "edogcipated" from you. His words...	1.2778	0.05247	90	67	21	2
2410	My client is asking for use of the dog house on weekends, all of the red doggy sweaters, and the puppies to be raised Jewish.	1.2778	0.05918	90	70	15	5
2411	He just wants contractual assurance that you will remain his best friend as well.	1.2778	0.05918	90	70	15	5
2412	You may keep the dress shoes but he retains chewing rights.	1.2778	0.05918	90	70	15	5
2413	Here’s a ruff draft of your divorce settlement.	1.2778	0.05004	90	66	23	1
2414	In return for being a good boy, yes he is, you promise not to stop and talk with Ellen Schultz and her annoying Pomeranian.	1.2778	0.05703	90	69	17	4
2415	When he wags we have a deal.	1.2778	0.06324	72	55	14	3
2416	Alfred is sorry but the vegan "bone" was the last straw.	1.2778	0.06126	90	71	13	6
2417	Hey, I'm sorry George, we have to let you go. We're turning your accounts over to our new senior partner, Milo. It really is a dog eat dog world now.	1.2778	0.06326	90	72	11	7
2418	Some advice. When he negotiates, don't assume his bark is worse than his bite	1.2778	0.05480	90	68	19	3
2419	He knew your wife first	1.2772	0.05472	101	78	18	5
2420	By signing this the party of the first part attests that my client is indeed a good boy.	1.2772	0.05472	101	78	18	5
2421	One walk per day, two on the weekends. Final offer.	1.2772	0.05288	101	77	20	4
2422	Now all we need is the last ten years of tax returns, 5 personal references, and a $500 check for administrative fees and your pet rescue will be complete.	1.2772	0.05288	101	77	20	4
2423	She's asking for sole physical custody of the couch, the frisbee, and Bella the cat.	1.2772	0.05097	101	76	22	3
2424	Let’s not make this a pissing contest because we all know who will win that.	1.2771	0.06485	83	66	11	6
2425	It was in the contract you couldn't touch another dog, sir	1.2771	0.06015	83	64	15	4
2426	Required Paw Print Please	1.2771	0.06255	83	65	13	5
2427	Our new hire was recommended by the diversity officer	1.2771	0.06015	83	64	15	4
2428	He wants a codicil added regarding his food preferences.	1.2771	0.05505	83	62	19	2
2429	So we agree you will still be sleeping in the same bed.	1.2769	0.06395	65	51	11	3
2430	It's a dog-eat-dog world, and we're hungry.	1.2769	0.07108	65	51	10	4
2431	How would you characterize the smell of your crotch?	1.2769	0.07438	65	52	8	5
2432	And my client would like it to be known and stated for the record that he is indeed a good boy.	1.2768	0.05107	112	86	21	5
2433	I hope we can agree with this settlement that your needs during lockdown for companionship were no less important than those of my client.	1.2768	0.04781	112	84	25	3
2434	You will tell my client that he’s a good boy or we are prepared to walk	1.2768	0.04781	112	84	25	3
2435	My client has become accustomed to a certain lifestyle. We're asking for alimony paid in the form of 15 bones per week.	1.2766	0.04879	94	69	24	1
2436	My client demands longer walks and better treats.	1.2766	0.05741	94	73	16	5
2437	Fido has made his bones by engaging in ruff negotiations.	1.2766	0.05741	94	73	16	5
2438	I'm sorry I can't renew your lease, this place is going to the dogs.	1.2766	0.05741	94	73	16	5
2439	Buster wants the payment to be made in Dogecoin.	1.2766	0.05327	94	71	20	3
2440	Here's the deal: Fido gets the house plus a monthly allowance for kibble and treats. You get the cat.	1.2766	0.05741	94	73	16	5
2441	Sir, my client is suing for reasons cited under "Ruff Circumstances".	1.2766	0.05538	94	72	18	4
2442	Visitation rights for each of the puppies has to be handled separately	1.2766	0.05108	94	70	22	2
2443	My client formerly known as “Fluffy” shall henceforth be named Mister Bigglesworth.	1.2766	0.05936	94	74	14	6
2444	The bite was consensual.	1.2766	0.06489	94	77	8	9
2445	He says he is ready to sue, after he saw you going to the bathroom in the house	1.2766	0.05538	94	72	18	4
2446	She’s a labradoodle. Prenups are standard.	1.2766	0.06310	94	76	10	8
2447	He's agreed to no longer beg at the table.	1.2766	0.05741	94	73	16	5
2448	On the basis of mental cruelty, incessant Faux Noise on the telly.	1.2764	0.04802	123	94	24	5
2449	You get to visit the pups on alternate weekends.	1.2763	0.05803	76	57	17	2
2450	You'll need to sign the leash agreement before we can transfer ownership of Scotty to you.	1.2763	0.06379	76	59	13	4
2451	My client says you can keep the cat.	1.2763	0.05803	76	57	17	2
2452	This is pretty straightforward. You’ll both sign, then smell each other’s butt.	1.2763	0.06649	76	60	11	5
2453	This is our final offer. You can keep the wife and I will get the house.	1.2762	0.05327	105	81	19	5
2454	My client has agreed to relinquish the dog house if she can keep the puppies.	1.2762	0.05496	105	82	17	6
2455	It's not too late for you to bow-wow-t of this agreement.	1.2762	0.05496	105	82	17	6
2456	Please review my client's exercise demands; otherwise, we are prepared to walk.	1.2759	0.04987	116	89	22	5
2457	He wants to make no bones about this.	1.2759	0.04513	116	86	28	2
2458	You may keep the dog house.	1.2759	0.05590	87	66	18	3
2459	He’d like three meals a day, not two.	1.2759	0.05135	116	90	20	6
2460	She gets all of your old golf shoes.	1.2759	0.04834	116	88	24	4
2461	Yes, she's in the running. Is that a problem?	1.2759	0.05824	87	67	16	4
2462	Furthermore, my client, Mr. Snuggles contends that he IS a good boy and not the bad boy you accuse him of being.	1.2759	0.05824	87	67	16	4
2463	He didn't bark at your offer	1.2759	0.05590	87	66	18	3
2464	If you're okay with wet food once a day, I think we have an agreement.	1.2755	0.05577	98	76	17	5
2465	My client will agree to a settlement that includes 2 belly rubs and treat every hour. And no more vet visits, final offer.	1.2755	0.05186	98	74	21	3
2466	The location of seven pairs of previously unacknowledged lost socks.	1.2755	0.05577	98	76	17	5
2467	Fido gets the house, you get the kennel	1.2755	0.05577	98	76	17	5
2468	Rusty has hired me to represent him in a harassment case claiming that, on Thursday, January 4th, you ruefully observed that the city was “going to the dogs!”	1.2755	0.05762	98	77	15	6
2469	You get to feed, walk and otherwise care for him for the rest of his life. He gets the house.	1.2755	0.04979	98	73	23	2
2470	This clause says the dog dish can never be empty. It's a non- dish closure clause.	1.2755	0.05385	98	75	19	4
2471	So it says here my client gets the BarcaLounger, the pause button on all the remotes, and that big book of puns he likes to chew on when he’s nervous.	1.2755	0.05577	98	76	17	5
2472	Mr. Bowser here has requested a lump sum payment of all the biscuits.	1.2755	0.05385	98	75	19	4
2473	So, Alpha gets top billing and 5 percent of the net. Are we good?	1.2755	0.05186	98	74	21	3
2474	You agree not to aggravate him; and he agrees not to eat your steaks.	1.2752	0.04855	109	82	24	3
2475	I have to say this is my first corporate mediation involving belly scratches	1.2752	0.05193	109	84	20	5
2476	I think you are a good fit for the position. But the dog says no.	1.2752	0.05193	109	84	20	5
2477	He wants the couch and your old shoe.	1.2750	0.05893	80	61	16	3
2478	Everything looks good so far. But he demands every potential walker provide DNA, references and a pre-hire belly scratch....	1.2750	0.06156	80	62	14	4
2479	He wants out of his leash.	1.2750	0.06156	80	62	14	4
2480	In order to work for my client,you will have to take a scratch and sniff test.	1.2750	0.05893	80	61	16	3
2481	As part of the settlement, you agree to no longer refer to my client as “a bitch.”	1.2750	0.05016	120	93	21	6
2482	As you can see, he is paper trained.	1.2750	0.06156	80	62	14	4
2483	He just wants to be sure you don't disclose the location of the bones to other dogs.	1.2750	0.04874	120	92	23	5
2484	Your papers are impressive to be sure,but I'm afraid my client is looking for someone with a more dignified posture and classic coat.	1.2750	0.05893	80	61	16	3
2485	Fido brought his homework. What's your excuse?	1.2748	0.04605	131	100	26	5
2486	And here are Muffin's demands.	1.2747	0.05861	91	71	15	5
2487	My client is seeking a formal declaration of your loyalty.	1.2747	0.04958	91	67	23	1
2488	It seems we have agreement on everything but who gets the kids	1.2747	0.05649	91	70	17	4
2489	. . . and the Punitive Damages (Psychic) Section requires that you be neutered at the same veteraniary clinic where he was forced to endure that barbaric procedure.	1.2747	0.05861	91	71	15	5
2490	My client will sign the contract only if the words 'master' and 'pet' are replaced by the term 'fellow mammal'.	1.2747	0.05198	91	68	21	2
2491	She wants sole custoday.	1.2747	0.05428	91	69	19	3
2492	Keep in mind this is only a ruff draft.	1.2747	0.05649	91	70	17	4
2493	This wouldn’t have been necessary if you had let me get up on the couch.	1.2747	0.05861	91	71	15	5
2494	If nothing else, you should understand one thing: his bite is bigger than his bark.	1.2747	0.05428	91	69	19	3
2495	Now, this is your copy of the leash agreement.	1.2747	0.04958	91	67	23	1
2496	These are his demands…I took the liberty of having them translated	1.2745	0.05242	102	78	20	4
2497	Final offer on the Roommate Agreement. If my client sleeps in a crate, you sleep in a crate.	1.2745	0.05601	102	80	16	6
2498	He's a sniffler for details.	1.2745	0.05424	102	79	18	5
2499	You get joint custody of the liter	1.2743	0.04575	113	86	24	3
2500	First and foremost, I demand loyalty.	1.2743	0.05221	113	88	19	6
2501	He demands your wife on alternate weekends.	1.2743	0.05370	113	89	17	7
2502	My client sees this as an opportunity to help you dress better	1.2738	0.06416	84	67	11	6
2503	Just a standard pre-puptual agreement.	1.2738	0.06189	84	66	13	5
2504	Sorry, the dog beat you out on our unbias IQ Test.	1.2738	0.05449	84	63	19	2
2505	You agreed to give your dog the tennis ball in the divorce but when he looked for it he saw you still had it behind your back.	1.2738	0.06189	84	66	13	5
2506	This is a list of dates, times, and places you slanderously blamed him for your farts.	1.2738	0.06416	84	67	11	6
2507	I'm afraid he gets the house.	1.2738	0.05952	84	65	15	4
2508	He wants a pre-pup agreement.	1.2738	0.04895	84	61	23	0
2509	Citing the case of Brittany Spears, Spot is seeking to be emancipated from your control and to be solely responsible for his trusted brand across social media platforms.	1.2738	0.05706	84	64	17	3
2510	I think you understand how much we prize loyalty at this firm.	1.2738	0.05706	84	64	17	3
2511	In clause 10 you promise not to call him a son of a bitch.	1.2738	0.06189	84	66	13	5
2512	Can you confirm this is you and the cat napping together in the presence of Mr Fluffy?	1.2738	0.05706	84	64	17	3
2513	We're going nowhere as long as you insist on using "barking up the wrong tree" to counter her demands.	1.2738	0.05706	84	64	17	3
2514	My client would like their leash to be terminated	1.2738	0.05179	84	62	21	1
2515	The Thumbless one requests your signature so he can receive his inheritance.	1.2737	0.05487	95	73	18	4
2516	My client is prepared to offer you six biscuits.	1.2737	0.05487	95	73	18	4
2517	I'm afraid he insists on your hand-print.	1.2737	0.05487	95	73	18	4
2518	The settlement may seem harsh but you do have use of his dog house each summer.	1.2737	0.05062	95	71	22	2
2519	I said pet agree not pedigree!	1.2737	0.05062	95	71	22	2
2520	He says "you keep the cat, he gets the cat food!"	1.2737	0.05687	95	74	16	5
2521	She insists on getting The Dog House.	1.2737	0.04836	95	70	24	1
2522	Before we finalize the adoption, he asks that you agree to cease your investigation into the origins of his cuteness.	1.2737	0.05588	95	76	13	6
2523	Given your actions, my client is giving you two options: "roll over" or "play dead."	1.2737	0.05487	95	73	18	4
2524	In regard to your vet appointment next week, my client would like to remind you there is an ironclad reciprocity clause attached to the "Neutering" section of your contract	1.2737	0.06250	95	77	10	8
2525	As your wife’s executor I hate to inform you she left everything to the dog.Here is his more than generous settlement.	1.2736	0.05283	106	82	19	5
2526	And this is his Canine Power of Attorney.......	1.2735	0.05096	117	91	20	6
2527	My client has grown accustomed to a certain lifestyle but this can all go away if you just continue working remote.	1.2727	0.06029	77	59	15	3
2528	Keep the house. She just wants the bacon.	1.2727	0.05140	99	75	21	3
2529	For this week's New Yorker contest, I want you to draw me with my dog, asking you to draw this week's New Yorker contest.	1.2727	0.05988	88	69	14	5
2530	Last question. Scruffy wants to know, if we offer you this job, will be a good boy?	1.2727	0.05337	99	76	19	4
2531	I prefer candidates who know enough to wear neckwear to a job interview.	1.2727	0.05337	99	76	19	4
2532	Now we want to know YOUR take on our dog food!	1.2727	0.05535	88	67	18	3
2533	You get the wife but he gets the bed and the kibble!	1.2727	0.05988	88	69	14	5
2534	My client agrees to bark less in exchange for more treats.	1.2727	0.05766	88	68	16	4
2535	Feel Fortunate. All he wants is the doggie bed.	1.2727	0.05988	88	69	14	5
2536	Careful . He’s a rough rough negotiator.	1.2727	0.05294	88	66	20	2
2537	I assume you don't mind working for a dog . . . ?	1.2727	0.05151	110	85	20	5
2538	He thought the wanted ad said investment barker.	1.2727	0.05535	88	67	18	3
2539	Thanks for your application, but you still have to pass the sniff test.	1.2727	0.05337	99	76	19	4
2540	My client requests joint custody of the couch	1.2727	0.05433	77	57	19	1
2541	He insists you get half of everything.	1.2727	0.05311	110	86	18	6
2542	The only bone of contention is that he gets the dog house	1.2727	0.04987	110	84	22	4
2543	You agree to allow the division of all soft assets and the removal of their stuffing.	1.2727	0.05710	99	78	15	6
2544	My client wants three walks a day and unlimited kibble in exchange for being a good boy.	1.2727	0.05311	110	86	18	6
2545	Let’s try and not quibble over kibble, shall we?	1.2727	0.05535	88	67	18	3
2546	Well, it looks like my client will see you in court.	1.2727	0.06306	77	60	13	4
2547	Sorry we can't hire you, Joey. You just don't pass the smell test.	1.2727	0.05294	88	66	20	2
2548	That’s the best deal you’re going to get - no bones about it.	1.2727	0.04936	99	74	23	2
2549	It's just a short questionnaire. Once you're done, my colleague here will give it the sniff test.	1.2727	0.05766	88	68	16	4
2550	I'm afraid you're in the dog house.	1.2727	0.05151	110	85	20	5
2551	Even though he is suing you, he still your best friend	1.2727	0.05140	99	75	21	3
2552	My clients says if you think you are retaining the movie rights to this you are barking up the wrong tree.	1.2727	0.05294	88	66	20	2
2553	By signing this, you acknowledge that my client is not admitting to any wrongdoing.	1.2727	0.04264	99	76	21	2
2554	This new job will be a walk in the park for you.	1.2727	0.05535	88	67	18	3
2555	And here's the final addendum to your "return to the office" agreement stating that Rover is entitled to compensation for pain & suffering caused by separation anxiety and loss of companionship.	1.2727	0.05337	99	76	19	4
2556	Don’t look so glum. Go out and find yourself a cute cat.	1.2727	0.06029	77	59	15	3
2557	He wants the woman, the chair, and all the squeaky toys.	1.2727	0.05535	88	67	18	3
2558	I'm afraid this is going to be a ruff divorce.	1.2727	0.05888	99	79	13	7
2559	Do you take PayPal?	1.2727	0.05988	88	69	14	5
2560	Just sign here to agree that he's not a bad boy, he's a good boy.	1.2727	0.04775	88	64	24	0
2561	You're doing the right thing, Bob. Human-to-dog kidney transplants are the future.	1.2727	0.06827	77	62	9	6
2562	As I'm sure you now realize, domestication was your first mistake.	1.2727	0.05337	99	76	19	4
2563	On this piece of paper is all your dog could write.	1.2718	0.05552	103	81	16	6
2564	He has a license, but he's not a notary.	1.2718	0.05378	103	80	18	5
2565	Try not to see yourself as a “pandemic person.” Now that she’s back at work, she just doesn’t have the time and energy for you anymore.	1.2717	0.05595	92	71	17	4
2566	He wants to review the snip clause.	1.2717	0.05377	92	70	19	3
2567	Duke gets custody of your ex, but you may visit on alternate weekends.	1.2717	0.04913	92	68	23	1
2568	My client is giving you two weeks notice to move out at which time he will take full ownership of the apartment according to the conditions of your mother's will.	1.2717	0.06007	92	73	13	6
2569	Don't be so intransigent. Throw us a bone!	1.2717	0.05150	92	69	21	2
2570	This is what happens when you don't insist on a prepuptial agreement.	1.2717	0.05377	92	70	19	3
2571	Relax, he's a therapy dog	1.2717	0.05377	92	70	19	3
2572	As a cat person, sir, you're not the right fit for our firm."	1.2716	0.06337	81	64	12	5
2573	You can keep the doghouse. She just wants out.	1.2716	0.06089	81	63	14	4
2574	Welcome to the team. Fido will be your supervisor.	1.2716	0.05830	81	62	16	3
2575	Fido wants a divorce!	1.2716	0.06089	81	63	14	4
2576	In the words of my client, "the bad man knows what he did."	1.2716	0.06337	81	64	12	5
2577	You scratch his back, he’ll scratch yours.	1.2716	0.04973	81	59	22	0
2578	He gets the main house. You get the dog house.	1.2716	0.06089	81	63	14	4
2579	He wants the beach house. Yes, he does. Oh, yes he does. Oh, yessy wezzy fuzzy wuzzy wokky wooky wes he does.	1.2716	0.06089	81	63	14	4
2580	He agrees to everything else, but insists on real hamburger in the bowl.	1.2710	0.05069	107	82	21	4
2581	We don’t want to rub your nose in this. My client requests the bed, bones, and balls.	1.2710	0.05240	107	83	19	5
2582	Sorry, but you just don't pass the sniff test	1.2710	0.04517	107	79	27	1
2583	Once you sign, she agrees to be your best friend.	1.2708	0.05231	96	73	20	3
2584	Spunky here will now conduct a brief drug sniff.	1.2708	0.05437	96	74	18	4
2585	The divorce is now complete. Please sign this agreement to pay both alimony and puppy support.	1.2708	0.05231	96	73	20	3
2586	In agreeing to become your dog, Scruffy has asked for a six-year deal with a mutual buyout option after five years, and a no-kennel clause.	1.2708	0.04794	96	71	24	1
2587	After you have have read this, we hope you will agree that you have not been a good boy.	1.2708	0.05017	96	72	22	2
2588	He thinks “best friend” is misleading since he’s your only friend.	1.2708	0.05635	96	75	16	5
2589	Half of the kibble is all she’s asking for.	1.2708	0.05635	96	75	16	5
2590	Now the final thing: who gets the wife?	1.2708	0.05635	96	75	16	5
2591	The contract clearly states, "All bark and some bite".	1.2708	0.05437	96	74	18	4
2592	My client's sexual needs are being ignored.	1.2706	0.05891	85	66	15	4
2593	Twice daily scratchies behind the ears to be administered with an enthusiastic 'Good Dog', biscuits before bedtime, and the car rear window halfway open on all trips with my client. It's our final offer.	1.2706	0.05394	85	64	19	2
2594	My client is offering joint custody of the puppies.	1.2706	0.05394	85	64	19	2
2595	My client only wants what's fair and rightfully his ... the doghouse, of course, the sheepskin slipper he buried in the backyard, and the oak tree he peed against in good faith for the entirety of your relationship.	1.2706	0.05394	85	64	19	2
2596	He has a quibble over kibble.	1.2706	0.06348	85	68	11	6
2597	And he retains the rights to his image as well as all anecdotes involving himself.	1.2706	0.05891	85	66	15	4
2598	My client requires enough income to keep him in food, treats, toys, and veterinary care for the rest of his life.	1.2706	0.05648	85	65	17	3
2599	As a counteroffer, you get the tennis balls for holidays.	1.2706	0.05891	85	66	15	4
2600	You can visit the one-legged Teddy Bear every other weekend.	1.2706	0.05891	85	66	15	4
2601	He didn’t mark them with his initials, but they are definitely marked.	1.2706	0.05891	85	66	15	4
2602	My client needs your signature to verify that he is a very good boy.	1.2706	0.06124	85	67	13	5
2603	He'd like you to pee on this to 'quote' Know how it feels 'end quote'	1.2706	0.05394	85	64	19	2
2604	He said he wants a different owner. He said you don't feed him on time.	1.2706	0.05891	85	66	15	4
2605	Please sign here,next to the “woof”.	1.2706	0.06124	85	67	13	5
2606	If you call this “getting my walking papers” one more time…	1.2706	0.06124	85	67	13	5
2607	Yes the pre-pup agreement is quite clear…she gets the knick-knacks, the paddy whacks and the bone.	1.2703	0.05716	111	90	12	9
2608	Man's best friend says, it's in your best interest.	1.2703	0.04605	111	83	26	2
2609	I’m shocked Bob. Nobody expected the jury to come back for Brutus in a wrongful neuter case.	1.2703	0.06467	74	58	12	4
2610	My client believes he is entitled to custody of your leg for two weekends a month.	1.2703	0.05867	74	56	16	2
2611	He gets your house. You get his.	1.2703	0.05111	111	86	20	5
2612	Yes, I'm his lawyer. He says he will go home with you, if you agree to one can per day of his favorite dog food -- no dry stuff.	1.2703	0.05111	111	86	20	5
2613	Good boy! Time for a treat!	1.2703	0.04605	111	83	26	2
2614	He just doesn't want to be left in the doghouse if you split up.	1.2703	0.04779	111	84	24	3
2615	These are the terms; I guess she's not your best friend.	1.2700	0.05096	100	76	21	3
2616	Now you write something about him.	1.2700	0.05478	100	78	17	5
2617	Before we proceed, I’ll need proof that both of you have been vaccinated.	1.2700	0.05291	100	77	19	4
2618	And do you hereby affirm who's a good boy?	1.2700	0.05096	100	76	21	3
2619	He says he wants a dedicated poo collector when you're gone in this will.	1.2700	0.04230	100	77	21	2
2620	no, you’re right— technically that term is accurate. but my client objects to your tone.	1.2700	0.05096	100	76	21	3
2621	My client is willing to settle for a box of Milk Bones."	1.2700	0.05096	100	76	21	3
2622	We’ve chosen Buddy for CFO, we think you have a lot to offer and we hope you will consider the dog-walker position.	1.2700	0.06006	100	81	11	8
2623	I assume you have reached a conclusion about who will have rights to the couch?	1.2700	0.04683	100	74	25	1
2624	OK, in the unfortunate case of a breakup of this relationship, the dog gets the arm chair in the den, all its toys including your old brown slippers, and free roaming of the yard on weekends".	1.2698	0.04835	126	98	22	6
2625	Before we get started,please sign that you understand my client is off-leash for this discussion.	1.2697	0.05709	89	69	16	4
2626	You keep the cat and Princess here keeps the house.	1.2697<

Contest #786

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