These captions are chosen by The New Yorker.
Name | Value |
---|---|
Submission deadline | 2022-01-02T17:32:00.000Z |
Voting started | - |
Voting ended | 2022-01-23T17:33:00.000Z |
Finalists announced | 2022-01-17T17:33:00.000Z |
Magazine(s) announcing finalists issued | January 24, 2022 |
Number of captions | 7860 |
Number of responses | 1076445 |
Number of participants | - |
In this table, the "mean" means the empirically measured average funniness score when the "unfunny", "somewhat funny" and "funny" receive a funniness score of 1, 2, 3 respectively. "Precison" is the standard error of the mean, the standard deviation of the mean estimate. With that, a caption with an empirical mean μ and precision σ has true mean in the range [μ - 2σ, μ + 2σ] with 95% probability by the 68-95-99.7 rule assuming the responses are indepedent and identically distributed.
Rank | Caption | Mean | Precision | Total votes | "Unfunny" votes | "Somewhat funny" votes | "Funny" votes |
---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
0 | This is the homework your son alleges my client ate. | 1.9072 | 0.01141 | 4981 | 1866 | 1711 | 1404 |
1 | And finally, an option to extend his leash. | 1.9008 | 0.01159 | 4607 | 1676 | 1712 | 1219 |
2 | ...and you understand, that while this is one year contract for you, it's a seven year contract for him. | 1.8847 | 0.01134 | 4909 | 1864 | 1747 | 1298 |
3 | My client is willing to play ball if you are. | 1.8833 | 0.01342 | 3272 | 1177 | 1300 | 795 |
4 | He says you can keep the cat. | 1.8759 | 0.01198 | 4511 | 1775 | 1521 | 1215 |
5 | It's not enough just to say he's a good boy. He wants it in writing. | 1.8753 | 0.01378 | 3175 | 1180 | 1211 | 784 |
6 | My client says that the bacon on the counter was left unattended. We call that 'entrapment'. | 1.8736 | 0.01293 | 3672 | 1389 | 1358 | 925 |
7 | He'll negotiate, but he won't beg. | 1.8735 | 0.00961 | 6346 | 2317 | 2517 | 1512 |
8 | My client is prepared to walk. | 1.8603 | 0.00926 | 7163 | 2781 | 2607 | 1775 |
9 | My client would like to remind you that he is legally entitled to anything that falls on the floor. | 1.8587 | 0.01201 | 4111 | 1550 | 1592 | 969 |
10 | Just so you know, he’s prepared to walk. | 1.8542 | 0.01091 | 5081 | 1960 | 1902 | 1219 |
11 | And what value would you place on *your* testicles, Mr. Flanagan? | 1.8518 | 0.01109 | 5721 | 2509 | 1555 | 1657 |
12 | The ball is in your court Mr. Smith, and frankly my client would like you to throw it back. | 1.8514 | 0.01123 | 4824 | 1885 | 1775 | 1164 |
13 | I'm guessing you thought he'd just roll over? | 1.8502 | 0.01137 | 4633 | 1792 | 1746 | 1095 |
14 | My client is not just going to roll over. | 1.8488 | 0.01037 | 5515 | 2119 | 2114 | 1282 |
15 | It's simple really. He's had his shots. He wants you to get yours. | 1.8449 | 0.01055 | 5996 | 2543 | 1842 | 1611 |
16 | You can make this all go away if you just tell him where you hid the ball. | 1.8445 | 0.01261 | 3980 | 1617 | 1365 | 998 |
17 | All my client's asking is that you play ball. | 1.8394 | 0.01179 | 4190 | 1611 | 1641 | 938 |
18 | Ultimately you just rub him the wrong way. | 1.8368 | 0.01394 | 3058 | 1199 | 1159 | 700 |
19 | Sign now or we W-A-L-K. | 1.8360 | 0.01303 | 3597 | 1441 | 1305 | 851 |
20 | Turns out he was not your best friend | 1.8332 | 0.01144 | 4675 | 1884 | 1687 | 1104 |
21 | Cheap kibble, one short walk a day and getting his balls cut off, if this goes to court, who do you think the jury will side with? | 1.8292 | 0.01183 | 4918 | 2192 | 1379 | 1347 |
22 | Sir, even I can smell the other dog on you. | 1.8280 | 0.01155 | 4802 | 2021 | 1586 | 1195 |
23 | Remember...he knows where the bones are buried. | 1.8273 | 0.01353 | 3225 | 1278 | 1226 | 721 |
24 | My client claims that you repeatedly pretend to throw the ball,but never do. Is this true? | 1.8269 | 0.01183 | 4258 | 1700 | 1595 | 963 |
25 | Considering the nature of the injury you caused, my client feels it’s only reasonable that you be neutered as well. | 1.8264 | 0.01419 | 3289 | 1429 | 1004 | 856 |
26 | You've stated my client is a "good boy." He wants that in writing. | 1.8247 | 0.01429 | 2858 | 1128 | 1103 | 627 |
27 | I'd like to thank you for sitting down, staying, and coming when called today. | 1.8218 | 0.01499 | 2598 | 1031 | 999 | 568 |
28 | She says you knew she was a bitch when you married her. | 1.8215 | 0.01333 | 3973 | 1819 | 1044 | 1110 |
29 | He wants the doghouse in the Hamptons. | 1.8188 | 0.01425 | 3063 | 1280 | 1058 | 725 |
30 | I'd advise you to sign. He knows where the bones are buried. | 1.8181 | 0.01065 | 5338 | 2190 | 1929 | 1219 |
31 | This says that Buddy will retain ownership of everything buried in the yard. | 1.8148 | 0.01465 | 2732 | 1101 | 1036 | 595 |
32 | Consider this him throwing you a bone. | 1.8133 | 0.02047 | 1323 | 513 | 544 | 266 |
33 | He wants you to beg. | 1.8130 | 0.01170 | 4465 | 1860 | 1580 | 1025 |
34 | My client wants to play ball. | 1.8105 | 0.00975 | 6157 | 2499 | 2328 | 1330 |
35 | My clients says you can keep the cat if he can have your slippers. | 1.8100 | 0.02680 | 800 | 320 | 312 | 168 |
36 | And here is a picture of you petting that beagle in the park. | 1.8037 | 0.01221 | 4090 | 1732 | 1433 | 925 |
37 | He wants out. | 1.8020 | 0.01143 | 4590 | 1920 | 1659 | 1011 |
38 | My client can't sign this. | 1.8017 | 0.01410 | 3122 | 1340 | 1061 | 721 |
39 | You realize this first meeting is just to sniff each other out. | 1.8012 | 0.01514 | 2550 | 1051 | 956 | 543 |
40 | Three daily walks and a belly rub. It's his final offer. | 1.8005 | 0.01173 | 4161 | 1688 | 1615 | 858 |
41 | We believe your use of the term "fix" constitutes false advertising. | 1.7997 | 0.01192 | 4448 | 1941 | 1457 | 1050 |
42 | My client wants out. | 1.7996 | 0.00972 | 6651 | 2896 | 2196 | 1559 |
43 | My client believes he's entitled to everything he's urinated on. | 1.7975 | 0.01462 | 3076 | 1386 | 927 | 763 |
44 | I’ll admit, our ears perked up when we heard your offer. | 1.7844 | 0.02247 | 1067 | 427 | 443 | 197 |
45 | He's issued a stay. | 1.7842 | 0.01267 | 3605 | 1519 | 1346 | 740 |
46 | She says if you wanted to keep the house, you should've thought about that before sleeping with the cat. | 1.7806 | 0.01831 | 1937 | 888 | 586 | 463 |
47 | Don't make my client beg. | 1.7651 | 0.01449 | 2674 | 1146 | 1014 | 514 |
48 | My client was hired as a service dog but was only used as a chick magnet. | 1.7500 | 0.01429 | 3060 | 1437 | 953 | 670 |
49 | Here's a list of his pet peeves. | 1.7462 | 0.01437 | 2991 | 1399 | 952 | 640 |
50 | My client is demanding that YOU roll over. | 1.7237 | 0.01733 | 1911 | 885 | 669 | 357 |
51 | My client isn't going to simply roll over | 1.7232 | 0.01729 | 1947 | 926 | 641 | 380 |
52 | My client feels you kept her on too tight a leash. | 1.7229 | 0.01748 | 1700 | 742 | 687 | 271 |
53 | We will not roll over and we will not beg. | 1.7221 | 0.01749 | 1846 | 854 | 653 | 339 |
54 | Sit we can do. Stay, that's going to cost you. | 1.7129 | 0.01874 | 1599 | 751 | 559 | 289 |
55 | My client claims you only pretended to throw the ball. | 1.7104 | 0.01917 | 1540 | 726 | 536 | 278 |
56 | My client will not just roll over | 1.7085 | 0.01997 | 1544 | 768 | 459 | 317 |
57 | It’s this, or we W-A-L-K. | 1.7071 | 0.01927 | 1632 | 816 | 484 | 332 |
58 | We have photos of you with another dog. | 1.7064 | 0.02066 | 1543 | 801 | 394 | 348 |
59 | My client insists you stipulate that he is still “a good boy.” | 1.7029 | 0.01964 | 1424 | 665 | 517 | 242 |
60 | My client prefers a vasectomy. | 1.7028 | 0.03030 | 636 | 308 | 209 | 119 |
61 | You will not get my client to roll over. | 1.6995 | 0.01959 | 1361 | 639 | 501 | 221 |
62 | She agrees you can keep the car, as long as she gets to ride in it once a week with the window rolled down. | 1.6994 | 0.02090 | 1221 | 564 | 460 | 197 |
63 | He may be your best friend, but I am his lawyer. | 1.6988 | 0.02059 | 1388 | 688 | 434 | 266 |
64 | He agrees to come when he is called, but he will no longer speak unless he wants to. | 1.6970 | 0.02037 | 1320 | 622 | 476 | 222 |
65 | Only one of us is pro bono - the other is just pro bone. | 1.6906 | 0.02159 | 1270 | 633 | 397 | 240 |
66 | You should have thought of this before you had him neutered. | 1.6902 | 0.02240 | 1149 | 564 | 377 | 208 |
67 | Actually according to this injunction, YOU are a bad boy | 1.6895 | 0.02194 | 1198 | 589 | 392 | 217 |
68 | In regards to the division of assets, my client says that technically he did mark the entire territory. | 1.6887 | 0.02237 | 1227 | 627 | 355 | 245 |
69 | How can my client be sure that it really will be 'a routine visit to the vet'" | 1.6885 | 0.02229 | 1159 | 570 | 380 | 209 |
70 | Sir, my client is simply asking you to throw him a bone. | 1.6882 | 0.02183 | 1206 | 595 | 393 | 218 |
71 | My client can make this very messy for you. | 1.6833 | 0.02236 | 1102 | 533 | 385 | 184 |
72 | My client is willing to drop the lawsuit if you agree to pick it back up and throw it for him to fetch again. | 1.6816 | 0.02360 | 1046 | 524 | 331 | 191 |
73 | He still wants to be your best friend. | 1.6814 | 0.02279 | 1017 | 482 | 377 | 158 |
74 | My client won't just roll over, sir. | 1.6814 | 0.02245 | 1086 | 525 | 382 | 179 |
75 | She's claiming you whistled at her | 1.6811 | 0.02349 | 1063 | 535 | 332 | 196 |
76 | My client is not here to beg. | 1.6788 | 0.02305 | 1018 | 491 | 363 | 164 |
77 | No deal. He wants your Italian loafers too. | 1.6783 | 0.03994 | 345 | 168 | 120 | 57 |
78 | He's willing to bury this if you just play ball. | 1.6755 | 0.02315 | 1023 | 520 | 323 | 180 |
79 | This second copy is in case she eats one. | 1.6742 | 0.02496 | 930 | 475 | 285 | 170 |
80 | My client is prepared to settle, but only after turning around several times in his bed. | 1.6699 | 0.02459 | 936 | 470 | 305 | 161 |
81 | In return for providing the location of you car keys, the flash drive with your passwords, the mate for ten pairs of socks, Goldie would like scratching of each ear at least 15 times per day, a nicer blankey, treats on the hour and the cat removed. | 1.6693 | 0.02549 | 889 | 452 | 279 | 158 |
82 | You can keep the house. He just wants the ball back. | 1.6693 | 0.02344 | 1025 | 521 | 326 | 178 |
83 | He says he'd still like to remain friends, just not your best friend. | 1.6674 | 0.02540 | 902 | 462 | 278 | 162 |
84 | I strongly advise you to accept our settlement offer. My partner has dug up a lot of dirt on you. | 1.6648 | 0.02493 | 886 | 442 | 299 | 145 |
85 | They say every dog has one, and today is Max's. | 1.6634 | 0.02586 | 805 | 400 | 277 | 128 |
86 | I believe we need to decide, once and for all, "who rescued whom?" | 1.6627 | 0.02594 | 833 | 421 | 272 | 140 |
87 | My client has informed me that you have not been a good boy. | 1.6611 | 0.02604 | 776 | 380 | 279 | 117 |
88 | This is just the standard "Who's a Good Boy?" clause. | 1.6586 | 0.02471 | 870 | 430 | 307 | 133 |
89 | The final document establishes, unequivocally, who's a good boy. | 1.6584 | 0.02651 | 846 | 445 | 245 | 156 |
90 | My client claims that he was a good boy for the duration of the relationship. | 1.6577 | 0.02615 | 815 | 414 | 266 | 135 |
91 | This affidavit serves to affirm that my client is, in fact, a good boy. | 1.6526 | 0.02673 | 760 | 384 | 256 | 120 |
92 | My client is throwing you a huge bone. We think you should run with it. | 1.6525 | 0.02602 | 777 | 386 | 275 | 116 |
93 | You’re on record saying my client is a “good boy.” | 1.6494 | 0.02520 | 830 | 418 | 287 | 125 |
94 | He will agree to undergoing the procedure if you will as well | 1.6467 | 0.03129 | 634 | 348 | 162 | 124 |
95 | If you don't sign, he w-a-l-k-s. | 1.6464 | 0.02834 | 724 | 386 | 209 | 129 |
96 | Under the custody agreement, you will have your wife on weekends and alternate holidays while Fluffy will retain primary custody. | 1.6444 | 0.02921 | 703 | 380 | 193 | 130 |
97 | Technically, it's a cease and desist order, but my client prefers the terms "Sit" and "Stay." | 1.6444 | 0.02868 | 717 | 384 | 204 | 129 |
98 | There's overwhelming evidence that he did not eat your homework. | 1.6436 | 0.02689 | 738 | 375 | 251 | 112 |
99 | My client wishes to clarify the issue of " who rescued whom." | 1.6436 | 0.02906 | 693 | 370 | 200 | 123 |
100 | Just be a good boy and sign it. | 1.6412 | 0.02787 | 694 | 356 | 231 | 107 |
101 | My client is willing to give you full custody of the cat. | 1.6410 | 0.02815 | 741 | 398 | 211 | 132 |
102 | My client wishes to protect his right of occupancy now that you're in the doghouse, as well. | 1.6406 | 0.02823 | 690 | 358 | 222 | 110 |
103 | You passed the smell test, you're hired. | 1.6395 | 0.02939 | 638 | 332 | 204 | 102 |
104 | He'll return your left shoe if you agree to the terms. | 1.6359 | 0.02899 | 596 | 297 | 219 | 80 |
105 | *Alleged* best friend. | 1.6348 | 0.02812 | 649 | 328 | 230 | 91 |
106 | We think it's a fair deal. You get to keep the house, but my client gets the yard and everything buried within | 1.6332 | 0.02871 | 668 | 351 | 211 | 106 |
107 | It's a standard sit/stay clause. | 1.6329 | 0.02889 | 632 | 333 | 202 | 97 |
108 | Well, every dog has its day, and this happens to be his. | 1.6312 | 0.03211 | 564 | 306 | 160 | 98 |
109 | Don’t expect my client to sit here and beg. | 1.6312 | 0.02804 | 751 | 411 | 206 | 134 |
110 | Our final offer is 2 walks a day and no dry food. | 1.6302 | 0.02945 | 622 | 325 | 202 | 95 |
111 | The damages are calculated in dog years. | 1.6298 | 0.02785 | 678 | 350 | 229 | 99 |
112 | My client's a son of a bitch--what can I say. | 1.6292 | 0.02990 | 658 | 363 | 177 | 118 |
113 | My client begs to differ. | 1.6289 | 0.02928 | 574 | 287 | 213 | 74 |
114 | My client will agree to get "fixed", but you first. | 1.6278 | 0.03134 | 634 | 359 | 152 | 123 |
115 | He’d like to keep the bottom third of the bed. | 1.6277 | 0.02976 | 607 | 318 | 197 | 92 |
116 | Unconditional love is a thing of the past, Mr. Hoskins. | 1.6271 | 0.03040 | 598 | 318 | 185 | 95 |
117 | He wants his freedom--the last year has felt like seven. | 1.6264 | 0.03017 | 613 | 333 | 178 | 102 |
118 | He's concerned that you're thinking of having something 'fixed' when he knows it's in perfectly good working order. | 1.6263 | 0.03153 | 562 | 301 | 170 | 91 |
119 | Please, just sign it. Don’t make him beg. | 1.6262 | 0.03149 | 535 | 284 | 169 | 82 |
120 | Let’s not make this difficult. Be a good boy and sign the papers. | 1.6257 | 0.02981 | 569 | 293 | 198 | 78 |
121 | He'd like it in writing that he's a "good boy". | 1.6246 | 0.02967 | 610 | 324 | 193 | 93 |
122 | Under the terms of the will, your wife left you to the dog. | 1.6242 | 0.03086 | 620 | 343 | 167 | 110 |
123 | Now just sign here to confirm that my client is a ‘good boy’. | 1.6241 | 0.03035 | 588 | 311 | 187 | 90 |
124 | This further stipulates that he is a good boy. | 1.6234 | 0.03007 | 616 | 331 | 186 | 99 |
125 | He'll keep the house and the kids, but you can have the cat. | 1.6230 | 0.03225 | 549 | 299 | 158 | 92 |
126 | Your ex is offering Sparky unlimited walks, snacks, car rides and access to the shoe closet. I think we can do better. | 1.6224 | 0.02974 | 625 | 335 | 191 | 99 |
127 | He's willing to consider the "Don't bite the hand that feeds you" clause. | 1.6206 | 0.02920 | 601 | 311 | 207 | 83 |
128 | The settlement to be paid over 50 years, and yes, those are dog years. | 1.6198 | 0.03065 | 555 | 290 | 186 | 79 |
129 | THREE walks a day. | 1.6196 | 0.03183 | 552 | 299 | 164 | 89 |
130 | My client would also like you to agree unconditionally that he is a good boy. | 1.6186 | 0.02971 | 569 | 312 | 170 | 87 |
131 | My client is claiming possession of the back yard and anything buried therein. | 1.6181 | 0.03134 | 542 | 287 | 175 | 80 |
132 | My client insists he was in fact a good boy. | 1.6175 | 0.03161 | 536 | 285 | 171 | 80 |
133 | My client would like you to agree that you will no longer tell him when or where to sit. | 1.6174 | 0.03108 | 528 | 274 | 182 | 72 |
134 | My client will never roll over. | 1.6171 | 0.03084 | 551 | 290 | 182 | 79 |
135 | And finally, you attest that he's a good boy. | 1.6161 | 0.03053 | 573 | 305 | 183 | 85 |
136 | As you’ll see my client has marked his territory. | 1.6154 | 0.02960 | 559 | 298 | 183 | 78 |
137 | If you didn't feel the need to pet every dog you come across, we wouldn't be here. | 1.6146 | 0.03312 | 519 | 286 | 147 | 86 |
138 | She also wants you to stop telling her that she is a “good boy.” | 1.6144 | 0.03326 | 542 | 307 | 137 | 98 |
139 | We're confident we can prove in court that he's a good boy. | 1.6144 | 0.03230 | 529 | 287 | 159 | 83 |
140 | My client says get rid of the cat and all is forgotten. | 1.6138 | 0.03169 | 549 | 303 | 157 | 89 |
141 | The dog wants you to keep the cat. | 1.6135 | 0.03072 | 564 | 306 | 173 | 85 |
142 | Now, the no-neuter clause. | 1.6128 | 0.03325 | 532 | 299 | 140 | 93 |
143 | All this could have been avoided if you had been a good boy, too. | 1.6120 | 0.03390 | 500 | 278 | 138 | 84 |
144 | My client insists that if he is to live with you, he shall be free to lick himself wherever and whenever he wants." | 1.6118 | 0.03303 | 510 | 279 | 150 | 81 |
145 | He wants the food bowl,the tennis balls,and your slippers, but you can have the house and the leash. | 1.6108 | 0.03111 | 537 | 298 | 157 | 82 |
146 | Mr. Snuggles is willing to drop his defamation lawsuit if you issue a public apology confirming that he is, in fact, a good boy. | 1.6096 | 0.03196 | 520 | 279 | 165 | 76 |
147 | For no more baths, my client will keep helping you pick up women. | 1.6088 | 0.03516 | 478 | 271 | 123 | 84 |
148 | He wants sole custody of the ball. | 1.6060 | 0.03280 | 500 | 279 | 142 | 79 |
149 | This should be a fair offer to compensate you for the loss of your homework. | 1.6057 | 0.03473 | 459 | 253 | 134 | 72 |
150 | Every dog has his day, and sir, today is his day. | 1.6051 | 0.03351 | 471 | 254 | 149 | 68 |
151 | No cats or the deal's off. | 1.6050 | 0.03456 | 438 | 235 | 141 | 62 |
152 | Think carefully, your wife made Dolly a great offer | 1.6038 | 0.03292 | 472 | 256 | 150 | 66 |
153 | No need to sign this one; it's just for cleaning up his accidents. | 1.6020 | 0.03612 | 402 | 217 | 128 | 57 |
154 | My client would like to start sniffing other people.” | 1.6005 | 0.03674 | 428 | 243 | 113 | 72 |
155 | Before you call these custody terms unfair, please recall that you did in fact neuter my client. | 1.5991 | 0.03566 | 449 | 254 | 121 | 74 |
156 | My client tells me you left her alone for a million years every day, is that true? | 1.5984 | 0.03256 | 508 | 287 | 141 | 80 |
157 | My client isn't going to just roll over on this. | 1.5983 | 0.03439 | 468 | 261 | 134 | 73 |
158 | It's a pretty standard rollover agreement. | 1.5978 | 0.03289 | 455 | 240 | 158 | 57 |
159 | This time she’s taking you to the groomers | 1.5959 | 0.03281 | 490 | 273 | 144 | 73 |
160 | Aside from your resume, he wants to know if you've been a good boy. | 1.5953 | 0.03352 | 467 | 255 | 146 | 66 |
161 | Final offer, Mr. Andrews. If you don’t accept, we W-A-L-K. | 1.5945 | 0.03593 | 434 | 245 | 120 | 69 |
162 | If you're not willing to sign, my client is ready to w-a-l-k. | 1.5944 | 0.03385 | 503 | 288 | 131 | 84 |
163 | If we have a deal, my client will shake on it. | 1.5940 | 0.03320 | 468 | 254 | 150 | 64 |
164 | You can have the house. He's just asking for your slippers. | 1.5934 | 0.03211 | 519 | 287 | 156 | 76 |
165 | He won’t roll over so easily this time. | 1.5928 | 0.03411 | 447 | 244 | 141 | 62 |
166 | And he gets to keep your wife. | 1.5918 | 0.03650 | 441 | 256 | 109 | 76 |
167 | So it's agreed: joint custody of your wife. | 1.5918 | 0.03521 | 441 | 247 | 127 | 67 |
168 | Sorry, but your proposal just doesn't pass the sniff test. | 1.5908 | 0.03236 | 479 | 260 | 156 | 63 |
169 | No, half of your shoes means one from each pair. | 1.5903 | 0.03740 | 432 | 255 | 99 | 78 |
170 | Your emotional support animal would like his own emotional support animal to help him cope with your increasing demands. | 1.5902 | 0.03648 | 410 | 230 | 118 | 62 |
171 | He is offering you exclusive use of fifty percent of the bed. I think it's a good deal. | 1.5889 | 0.03453 | 450 | 251 | 133 | 66 |
172 | That leaves us with the custody of the squeaky toys. | 1.5887 | 0.03190 | 479 | 263 | 153 | 63 |
173 | Now it’s your turn to roll over. | 1.5881 | 0.03444 | 420 | 229 | 136 | 55 |
174 | Nowhere in this document has he agreed to be your best friend. | 1.5876 | 0.03361 | 451 | 249 | 142 | 60 |
175 | He's a got a bone to pick | 1.5875 | 0.03570 | 417 | 232 | 125 | 60 |
176 | You can have the house but we want the front and back yard. | 1.5871 | 0.03281 | 448 | 244 | 148 | 56 |
177 | I'd recommend taking the deal, sir. 30 minutes of fetch per day is quite generous, especially considering what you had the vet do to my client. | 1.5864 | 0.03578 | 457 | 267 | 112 | 78 |
178 | My client would like to make this go away. And come back. And go away. And come back. | 1.5826 | 0.03540 | 448 | 258 | 119 | 71 |
179 | No more verbal assurances. He wants a signed statement to the effect that he’s a very good boy. | 1.5821 | 0.03609 | 414 | 234 | 119 | 61 |
180 | I think you'll find this settlement more than fair, given the condition of your rug prior to the incident. | 1.5804 | 0.03824 | 367 | 210 | 102 | 55 |
181 | What? Did you think he'd just roll over. | 1.5798 | 0.03876 | 357 | 202 | 103 | 52 |
182 | My client refuses to rollover. | 1.5791 | 0.03348 | 430 | 232 | 147 | 51 |
183 | My client stipulates that he’s a good boy. You need no longer ask. | 1.5789 | 0.03844 | 361 | 204 | 105 | 52 |
184 | He won't budge...he gets vaccinated when you get vaccinated." | 1.5788 | 0.03823 | 387 | 225 | 100 | 62 |
185 | As per the agreement, he’s willing to remain friends, just not best friends. | 1.5773 | 0.03355 | 440 | 241 | 144 | 55 |
186 | And more bacon. Much more bacon. | 1.5769 | 0.03408 | 390 | 214 | 132 | 44 |
187 | He’s willing to give you the cat. | 1.5769 | 0.03434 | 442 | 248 | 133 | 61 |
188 | Of course, Sparky will also have similar decision making authority to put you down under comparable circumstances. | 1.5768 | 0.03707 | 423 | 250 | 102 | 71 |
189 | The terms are no neutering, no cats, and 50% of online video royalties. | 1.5759 | 0.03432 | 415 | 237 | 123 | 55 |
190 | My client insists on a seat at the table, not under it. | 1.5758 | 0.03430 | 422 | 238 | 130 | 54 |
191 | If you agree to stop inviting people over to your house, he'll agree to stop barking when the doorbell rings. | 1.5738 | 0.03982 | 359 | 211 | 90 | 58 |
192 | So the only issue left to resolve is who gets the wife? | 1.5726 | 0.03961 | 379 | 228 | 85 | 66 |
193 | Pepper has reason to believe you have been playing with other dogs. | 1.5725 | 0.03599 | 386 | 214 | 123 | 49 |
194 | In light of his growing income from dog food commercials, he's suing to end your conservatorship | 1.5711 | 0.03390 | 450 | 254 | 135 | 61 |
195 | Our final offer: two more trips to the dog park each week, or we walk. | 1.5703 | 0.03614 | 384 | 214 | 121 | 49 |
196 | And finally, you must agree that it was he who rescued you. | 1.5703 | 0.03698 | 370 | 207 | 115 | 48 |
197 | Murphy would like to renegotiate the terms of his leash. | 1.5702 | 0.03849 | 356 | 203 | 103 | 50 |
198 | By signing here you agree that my client is a "great boy" and you will no longer refer to him as simply a "good boy". | 1.5697 | 0.03427 | 423 | 235 | 135 | 53 |
199 | We think it's a fair price considering he knows where the bones are buried. | 1.5670 | 0.03637 | 418 | 245 | 109 | 64 |
200 | And then these are the assets that aren't buried in the backyard. | 1.5666 | 0.03661 | 383 | 217 | 115 | 51 |
201 | If he has to get neutered, so do you. | 1.5665 | 0.04041 | 346 | 205 | 86 | 55 |
202 | He says it’s your turn to roll over. | 1.5650 | 0.03867 | 331 | 185 | 105 | 41 |
203 | And don’t try any tricks. He may be old , but he knows them all. | 1.5641 | 0.03596 | 429 | 253 | 110 | 66 |
204 | Here’s your settlement agreement. You get the car and the cat, he gets the tennis ball and the spot in front of the fireplace. | 1.5637 | 0.03762 | 353 | 206 | 98 | 49 |
205 | Who's rolling over now? | 1.5632 | 0.03847 | 364 | 212 | 99 | 53 |
206 | I know it’s yet another indignity, but he’s going to need you to sign for him. | 1.5630 | 0.03737 | 373 | 214 | 108 | 51 |
207 | I know he is your best friend, but it's always best to have it in writing. | 1.5627 | 0.03856 | 343 | 195 | 103 | 45 |
208 | Of course, this is just a ruff draft. | 1.5623 | 0.03773 | 345 | 193 | 110 | 42 |
209 | Maybe you weren’t aware you signed a pre-pup. | 1.5610 | 0.04151 | 328 | 196 | 80 | 52 |
210 | In my client’s defense, he was simply marking his territory. | 1.5605 | 0.03609 | 380 | 214 | 119 | 47 |
211 | My client is prepared to settle if he gets the couch. | 1.5595 | 0.03979 | 311 | 175 | 98 | 38 |
212 | My client agrees to let you have the small house outside. | 1.5591 | 0.03915 | 381 | 232 | 85 | 64 |
213 | He wants to know if you’ve had all of your shots. | 1.5584 | 0.04140 | 351 | 217 | 72 | 62 |
214 | And we must insist that the offer includes a rollover plan. | 1.5581 | 0.03762 | 387 | 229 | 100 | 58 |
215 | Barney here wrote down a number. Or lose the cat and we can make this whole thing go away. Your choice. | 1.5578 | 0.03733 | 398 | 237 | 100 | 61 |
216 | Let's go over a few things before the cat and her counsel arrive. | 1.5577 | 0.03884 | 355 | 208 | 96 | 51 |
217 | Weekday papers only,a dog door to the terrace,and he gets half your bed. No cats. | 1.5576 | 0.04058 | 321 | 187 | 89 | 45 |
218 | Now be a good boy and sign. | 1.5565 | 0.03569 | 345 | 191 | 118 | 36 |
219 | Fake ball-throwing was the primary reason. | 1.5563 | 0.03981 | 311 | 176 | 97 | 38 |
220 | The dog wants you sent to obedience training | 1.5562 | 0.03803 | 347 | 203 | 97 | 47 |
221 | According to my client, you were the rescue. | 1.5559 | 0.04298 | 286 | 167 | 79 | 40 |
222 | He wants to stay friends, just not best friends. | 1.5559 | 0.03715 | 358 | 203 | 111 | 44 |
223 | And is it true you were just pretending to throw the ball? | 1.5550 | 0.03702 | 373 | 217 | 106 | 50 |
224 | So if we can agree on wet food at least 3 nights a week, can we get this done? | 1.5543 | 0.03599 | 368 | 206 | 120 | 42 |
225 | All we need is a brief statement about what REALLY happened to your homework. | 1.5538 | 0.03974 | 325 | 188 | 94 | 43 |
226 | This contract ensures that you will never pretend to throw the ball again. | 1.5538 | 0.04109 | 316 | 186 | 85 | 45 |
227 | In case of your demise he would like to reside with a single older lady who cooks. | 1.5533 | 0.03858 | 338 | 194 | 101 | 43 |
228 | The last item to discuss is the slippers. | 1.5531 | 0.03544 | 367 | 203 | 125 | 39 |
229 | My client proposes that you get the kids and she gets your wife. | 1.5531 | 0.03788 | 367 | 215 | 101 | 51 |
230 | He eats what you eat, or it's no deal | 1.5530 | 0.03766 | 349 | 199 | 107 | 43 |
231 | Now let's talk about the rollover. | 1.5510 | 0.04013 | 294 | 165 | 96 | 33 |
232 | You expect my client to just rollover and accept this? | 1.5506 | 0.04086 | 316 | 186 | 86 | 44 |
233 | OK, Mr. Smith, Benji gets the house, the couch, and your slippers, and you keep the cat. | 1.5501 | 0.03917 | 349 | 207 | 92 | 50 |
234 | I’d like to remind you that the “mere” 7 years of companionship meant 49 to my client. | 1.5500 | 0.03552 | 360 | 199 | 124 | 37 |
235 | This version of the prepup agreement specifies two walks a day, the right to hang his head out the car window, and a weekly clean ball. | 1.5494 | 0.03900 | 324 | 193 | 87 | 44 |
236 | My client has written down a number representing what he feels is a fair number of treats per day. | 1.5493 | 0.03944 | 304 | 171 | 99 | 34 |
237 | And lastly, that you take down that offensive print of Dogs Playing Poker. | 1.5481 | 0.03883 | 312 | 183 | 90 | 39 |
238 | He says he no longer wishes to be a good boy. | 1.5470 | 0.03790 | 362 | 213 | 100 | 49 |
239 | My clients agrees to come down to three walks a day, provided there's no eye contact while he poops. | 1.5468 | 0.04216 | 278 | 160 | 84 | 34 |
240 | I suggest you accept his terms or he’s prepared to use his sad puppy dog eyes in front of the judge. | 1.5441 | 0.04218 | 261 | 152 | 78 | 31 |
241 | He’s only serving you one paper. He ate the others. | 1.5437 | 0.04259 | 309 | 189 | 72 | 48 |
242 | He's agreed that you can have the house... but he wants the run of the backyard | 1.5433 | 0.03560 | 381 | 221 | 114 | 46 |
243 | Once signed, these documents will legally state that my client is no longer your best friend. | 1.5428 | 0.03946 | 304 | 173 | 97 | 34 |
244 | He is suing you along with the veterinarian in that little "snip snip" thing you guys pulled. | 1.5421 | 0.04182 | 297 | 176 | 81 | 40 |
245 | Trust me, this is much better than you'll do before a jury of his peers! | 1.5408 | 0.03685 | 368 | 215 | 107 | 46 |
246 | We need to depose the cat. | 1.5395 | 0.03920 | 304 | 173 | 98 | 33 |
247 | My client offers to reconcile, but the cat goes. | 1.5395 | 0.04002 | 304 | 176 | 92 | 36 |
248 | Speaking bluntly and in Layman’s terms…He’ wants his balls back. | 1.5394 | 0.04201 | 317 | 195 | 73 | 49 |
249 | Half of the treats and you would retain the cat. | 1.5392 | 0.03940 | 293 | 165 | 98 | 30 |
250 | Just counter-urinate where indicated and we’re done.” | 1.5392 | 0.04075 | 332 | 205 | 76 | 51 |
251 | He says you can have the dog house but the condo in Hawaii is his. | 1.5377 | 0.04182 | 292 | 173 | 81 | 38 |
252 | Sit. Sign. Goood boyyy. | 1.5370 | 0.04345 | 270 | 160 | 75 | 35 |
253 | Now let's be a good boy and sign the papers. | 1.5369 | 0.03748 | 352 | 209 | 99 | 44 |
254 | You should have thought long and hard before you had him neutered.” | 1.5367 | 0.04096 | 313 | 188 | 82 | 43 |
255 | Yes, her signature page is missing. She claims you ate it. | 1.5364 | 0.04262 | 302 | 185 | 72 | 45 |
256 | She IS a bitch - just sign. | 1.5356 | 0.04287 | 295 | 180 | 72 | 43 |
257 | This document stipulates your understanding that Max remains man's best friend...but no longer your best friend." | 1.5350 | 0.04306 | 286 | 173 | 73 | 40 |
258 | He no longer wants to be man's best friend. | 1.5345 | 0.03802 | 290 | 177 | 78 | 35 |
259 | My client insists he has been nothing but a good boy. | 1.5343 | 0.03486 | 277 | 161 | 92 | 24 |
260 | He’d like to cut right to the chase. | 1.5333 | 0.04409 | 270 | 163 | 70 | 37 |
261 | She wants the rubber bone and the tennis balls, but is willing to let you have the cat. | 1.5327 | 0.03939 | 336 | 205 | 84 | 47 |
262 | Baxter insists on keeping the house, but he’s offering you full custody of the cat. | 1.5323 | 0.03836 | 325 | 189 | 99 | 37 |
263 | Among his complaints are that you consistently talk down to him. | 1.5315 | 0.04279 | 286 | 173 | 74 | 39 |
264 | And finally, Mr. Cuddly Wuddly requests a name change to Thor. | 1.5311 | 0.04814 | 241 | 150 | 54 | 37 |
265 | He wants half the bed. | 1.5309 | 0.03867 | 307 | 176 | 99 | 32 |
266 | My client contends you're the one who is not a 'good boy' | 1.5308 | 0.04239 | 292 | 177 | 75 | 40 |
267 | Please refer to my client as Good Boy, in all further correspondence. | 1.5308 | 0.04098 | 292 | 172 | 85 | 35 |
268 | It was down to the two of you,but he was vaccinated. | 1.5304 | 0.04688 | 247 | 152 | 59 | 36 |
269 | I realize you were expecting a better offer, but my client has me on a short leash. | 1.5302 | 0.04033 | 281 | 161 | 91 | 29 |
270 | He wants a 401K9 | 1.5298 | 0.04262 | 285 | 172 | 75 | 38 |
271 | The dog keeps your wife in the divorce. | 1.5288 | 0.04011 | 295 | 172 | 90 | 33 |
272 | I’m representing him pro-BONE-o | 1.5287 | 0.04559 | 261 | 161 | 62 | 38 |
273 | In the event of dissolution, the floppy fish, Mr. Moose, and the braided chewy sticks will remain my client's separate property. | 1.5284 | 0.03943 | 299 | 173 | 94 | 32 |
274 | Final offer: You stop snoring and he stops peeing on the carpet. | 1.5283 | 0.03886 | 318 | 189 | 91 | 38 |
275 | He claims he was more than just your best friend. | 1.5281 | 0.04417 | 267 | 162 | 69 | 36 |
276 | Well, we already know who scored better on loyalty. | 1.5278 | 0.04200 | 288 | 173 | 78 | 37 |
277 | Biting him certainly made the news, but it's going to cost you | 1.5278 | 0.04406 | 252 | 149 | 73 | 30 |
278 | I'm sorry but he scored higher on the obedience test | 1.5276 | 0.04363 | 254 | 157 | 63 | 34 |
279 | This one dissolves my client’s responsibilities as man’s best friend. | 1.5274 | 0.04156 | 292 | 177 | 77 | 38 |
280 | It was a one year leash and you broke it. | 1.5273 | 0.04380 | 275 | 168 | 69 | 38 |
281 | Here is a list of his commands. | 1.5270 | 0.04030 | 296 | 174 | 88 | 34 |
282 | These are our terms, or we W-A-L-K. | 1.5270 | 0.04103 | 315 | 193 | 78 | 44 |
283 | Let me be perfectly clear, Mr Rochester, from a legal perspective, his bark is most certainly not worse than his bite. | 1.5267 | 0.04247 | 262 | 153 | 80 | 29 |
284 | Per the agreement, my client will retain sole custody of all of your left shoes. | 1.5266 | 0.04064 | 319 | 195 | 80 | 44 |
285 | And this one stipulates that you are a bad, bad boy. | 1.5265 | 0.04154 | 264 | 154 | 82 | 28 |
286 | He wants his nuts back. | 1.5265 | 0.04429 | 283 | 177 | 63 | 43 |
287 | She may be a bitch, but she wants to settle! | 1.5261 | 0.04590 | 249 | 152 | 63 | 34 |
288 | My client will need some time to chew this over. | 1.5257 | 0.04394 | 253 | 150 | 73 | 30 |
289 | Did you think that my client would simply roll over and play dead? | 1.5250 | 0.04533 | 240 | 143 | 68 | 29 |
290 | Regardless of who paid for it, my client is entitled to anything he peed on during the time you were together. | 1.5249 | 0.04117 | 301 | 182 | 80 | 39 |
291 | And finally, upon separation we retain all rights to the title "Man's Best Friend"... | 1.5244 | 0.03950 | 307 | 184 | 87 | 36 |
292 | You can see the puppies every other weekend, and my client gets the house. | 1.5238 | 0.04371 | 252 | 149 | 74 | 29 |
293 | He's now willing to greet you at the front door after work for three days a week. | 1.5233 | 0.04242 | 279 | 168 | 76 | 35 |
294 | I can assure you, whether you sign or not, my client is ready to walk. | 1.5230 | 0.04192 | 304 | 188 | 73 | 43 |
295 | Our terms are final... what he licks is his own business. | 1.5220 | 0.04041 | 295 | 175 | 86 | 34 |
296 | You get to keep the house but she wants to have unlimited access to the tree. | 1.5213 | 0.04209 | 282 | 170 | 77 | 35 |
297 | The dog wants custody of your children. | 1.5211 | 0.04528 | 261 | 162 | 62 | 37 |
298 | Either you agree to his terms or we w-a-l-k | 1.5205 | 0.04351 | 292 | 184 | 64 | 44 |
299 | These records will show that my client was, in fact, a very good boy | 1.5205 | 0.04325 | 244 | 142 | 77 | 25 |
300 | No worries. Bentley helps us identify candidates with strong interpersonal skills and good personal hygiene. | 1.5200 | 0.04647 | 250 | 156 | 58 | 36 |
301 | He says everything he peed on is his. | 1.5200 | 0.04182 | 300 | 185 | 74 | 41 |
302 | Who wants to sign this release? Who wants to sign this release? Who's a good boy? You are! You're a good boy! | 1.5198 | 0.04372 | 252 | 150 | 73 | 29 |
303 | He wants three walks a day and two belly rubs. That’s his final offer. | 1.5196 | 0.03762 | 331 | 195 | 100 | 36 |
304 | My client said she already peed on everything she wants in the split. | 1.5182 | 0.04511 | 247 | 150 | 66 | 31 |
305 | My client demands that you cease and desist on blaming her for your farts.. | 1.5180 | 0.04463 | 278 | 176 | 60 | 42 |
306 | It looks like you signed a pre-pup, so you're not entitled to anything. | 1.5180 | 0.04162 | 278 | 166 | 80 | 32 |
307 | …and in turn you agree to allow the ball in the house. | 1.5176 | 0.03921 | 313 | 187 | 90 | 36 |
308 | All he’s asking for is his chewy, the doghouse, and his testicles back” | 1.5175 | 0.04746 | 257 | 166 | 49 | 42 |
309 | He says in lieu for a signed agreement, he would like to "Shake on it." | 1.5168 | 0.04484 | 238 | 142 | 69 | 27 |
310 | He wants the little house out back. | 1.5164 | 0.04085 | 244 | 142 | 80 | 22 |
311 | He says he wants the house and the yard. | 1.5163 | 0.04526 | 246 | 150 | 65 | 31 |
312 | You retain the apartment and all its furnishings. He gets the Ohio State sweatshirt and both Adidas sneakers. | 1.5148 | 0.04139 | 270 | 165 | 74 | 31 |
313 | Sir, I'm afraid you're barking up the wrong tree. | 1.5145 | 0.04365 | 241 | 142 | 74 | 25 |
314 | My client expected that response, Mr Pavlov. | 1.5142 | 0.04844 | 212 | 129 | 57 | 26 |
315 | Now who’s a good lawyer? | 1.5134 | 0.04363 | 261 | 159 | 70 | 32 |
316 | He keeps the house, wife and kids ; you get the cat. | 1.5115 | 0.04510 | 260 | 163 | 61 | 36 |
317 | My advice is to give the dog a bone. | 1.5110 | 0.04134 | 272 | 162 | 81 | 29 |
318 | As you can see, Fido alleges you violated the non-compete clause when you called another dog a 'good, good boy.' | 1.5104 | 0.04011 | 288 | 179 | 74 | 35 |
319 | You can keep the house, but the backyard is hers. | 1.5098 | 0.04335 | 255 | 154 | 72 | 29 |
320 | My client wishes to codify BEST friend. | 1.5094 | 0.04281 | 265 | 161 | 73 | 31 |
321 | She says you rub her the wrong way. | 1.5092 | 0.04339 | 271 | 168 | 68 | 35 |
322 | He wants a pre-pup. | 1.5090 | 0.04298 | 277 | 172 | 69 | 36 |
323 | Just remember. He knows where all the bones are buried. | 1.5086 | 0.04141 | 291 | 179 | 76 | 36 |
324 | And here’s your part of the inheritance. | 1.5077 | 0.04308 | 260 | 164 | 64 | 32 |
325 | He's offering you full custody of the cats. | 1.5077 | 0.04410 | 260 | 161 | 66 | 33 |
326 | You get the house, Rex gets the yard. | 1.5075 | 0.04061 | 268 | 165 | 73 | 30 |
327 | Not only didn’t he eat your homework, he actually did your homework. | 1.5074 | 0.05054 | 203 | 127 | 49 | 27 |
328 | Our position is, that the car was chasing him. | 1.5068 | 0.04911 | 221 | 140 | 50 | 31 |
329 | Actually the terms of the will stipulate he owns you. | 1.5059 | 0.04227 | 255 | 152 | 77 | 26 |
330 | Okay, now it’s your turn to beg. | 1.5057 | 0.04169 | 263 | 157 | 79 | 27 |
331 | I'm sorry but it looks like he'll be keeping the wife. | 1.5051 | 0.05051 | 198 | 123 | 50 | 25 |
332 | He says that you can have the house but he gets the yard. | 1.5043 | 0.04559 | 230 | 140 | 64 | 26 |
333 | Your resume is very impressive, but he’d still like to see how you beg. | 1.5037 | 0.04199 | 272 | 166 | 75 | 31 |
334 | That's our final offer. We're not willing to beg. | 1.5025 | 0.04599 | 203 | 119 | 66 | 18 |
335 | Now, please sign your copy of the leash agreement. | 1.5021 | 0.04475 | 233 | 141 | 67 | 25 |
336 | My client believes you've known who the good boy is all along. | 1.5021 | 0.04716 | 233 | 147 | 55 | 31 |
337 | You led my client to believe that you'd be staying at home forever. | 1.5021 | 0.04557 | 233 | 143 | 63 | 27 |
338 | We’re flexible on leash length but food dish size is not negotiable. | 1.5021 | 0.04234 | 237 | 141 | 74 | 22 |
339 | I'm afraid the butt sniffing is non negotiable | 1.5019 | 0.03997 | 259 | 150 | 88 | 21 |
340 | All he wants are your shoes. | 1.5019 | 0.04282 | 265 | 163 | 71 | 31 |
341 | Here is his proof of vaccination. Now can he see yours? | 1.5018 | 0.04524 | 271 | 176 | 54 | 41 |
342 | And this affidavit states that my client is indeed a "good boy" in perpetuity or until he wets the carpet. | 1.5000 | 0.03832 | 246 | 156 | 65 | 25 |
343 | You should've signed a prenup, Waffles will now own everything he has peed on. | 1.5000 | 0.04612 | 232 | 144 | 60 | 28 |
344 | And this document lets you out of the leash agreement. | 1.5000 | 0.04778 | 216 | 134 | 56 | 26 |
345 | He’ll agree to be neutered once you’re home recovering from your vasectomy. | 1.5000 | 0.04908 | 226 | 146 | 47 | 33 |
346 | Look at the bright side - we’ve prorated the settlement in dog years. | 1.5000 | 0.04444 | 260 | 164 | 62 | 34 |
347 | He points out that the choice of wall-to-wall carpeting wasn't his own. | 1.5000 | 0.04016 | 264 | 155 | 86 | 23 |
348 | He’ll sleep on the floor—but three walks a day is non-negotiable. | 1.4980 | 0.03944 | 255 | 154 | 78 | 23 |
349 | Our suit further contends that you're statement: "Come on boy, we're getting you fixed today!" was vague and misleading." | 1.4980 | 0.04522 | 249 | 157 | 60 | 32 |
350 | My client requests that you throw him a bone." | 1.4979 | 0.04338 | 237 | 142 | 72 | 23 |
351 | My client no longer wishes to sit, stay or heel. | 1.4978 | 0.04708 | 231 | 146 | 55 | 30 |
352 | Just a formality before you're adopted | 1.4977 | 0.04697 | 221 | 137 | 58 | 26 |
353 | This is his offer. I think you'll find it more than fair. He just wants out. | 1.4965 | 0.03904 | 288 | 177 | 81 | 30 |
354 | He’s had his vaccinations. And you? | 1.4960 | 0.04363 | 250 | 154 | 68 | 28 |
355 | He gets the wife. | 1.4959 | 0.04706 | 246 | 160 | 50 | 36 |
356 | Don't make him beg . . . | 1.4958 | 0.04406 | 238 | 145 | 68 | 25 |
357 | Now, this is the couch share agreement | 1.4955 | 0.04606 | 224 | 138 | 61 | 25 |
358 | It's an 'unrestraining order.' My client feels he no longer needs to be leashed on walks. | 1.4954 | 0.04563 | 218 | 132 | 64 | 22 |
359 | My client wants assurances that he is indeed a good boy. | 1.4949 | 0.05140 | 196 | 125 | 45 | 26 |
360 | He might not bring much to the table, but he'll get anything that falls under it. | 1.4949 | 0.04933 | 196 | 121 | 53 | 22 |
361 | My client requests custody of the blue zippy leash,the downstairs fuzzy dog bed,and the girlfriend. You may keep the cats. | 1.4947 | 0.04177 | 285 | 179 | 71 | 35 |
362 | He gave you the best 89 years of his life, Kevin. | 1.4939 | 0.04391 | 245 | 151 | 67 | 27 |
363 | Friendship aside, he claims you took his manhood. | 1.4938 | 0.04379 | 243 | 149 | 68 | 26 |
364 | After transfer of half of your old shoes, my client will provide information on where your car keys are buried. | 1.4937 | 0.04392 | 239 | 146 | 68 | 25 |
365 | Shake? | 1.4936 | 0.04301 | 235 | 143 | 69 | 23 |
366 | My client maintains HE walked YOU. | 1.4936 | 0.04488 | 235 | 145 | 64 | 26 |
367 | He's not going to roll over anymore | 1.4934 | 0.04297 | 227 | 134 | 74 | 19 |
368 | We would like you to start training your replacement. | 1.4932 | 0.04518 | 221 | 134 | 65 | 22 |
369 | And now YOU beg. | 1.4930 | 0.04514 | 215 | 129 | 66 | 20 |
370 | And finally, my client cites your ongoing kindness to the mailman, despite her repeated objections. | 1.4924 | 0.04145 | 262 | 159 | 77 | 26 |
371 | He gets the house in the Hamptons, you get the cat. | 1.4924 | 0.04249 | 262 | 162 | 71 | 29 |
372 | It’s a standard pre-pup agreement, listing your duties about food, exercise, ear scratching and waste removal. | 1.4922 | 0.04298 | 258 | 160 | 69 | 29 |
373 | My client's not going to roll over on this. | 1.4916 | 0.04304 | 238 | 146 | 68 | 24 |
374 | She wants her house AND yours. | 1.4915 | 0.04582 | 234 | 147 | 59 | 28 |
375 | My client won’t take any deals under the table, unless you have scraps. | 1.4911 | 0.04563 | 224 | 138 | 62 | 24 |
376 | My client has a few bones to pick with you. | 1.4907 | 0.04480 | 214 | 128 | 67 | 19 |
377 | I would advise you to sign, in this case, his bite IS bigger than his bark. | 1.4904 | 0.04049 | 261 | 156 | 82 | 23 |
378 | Spike says he’ll adopt you but you have to get neutered | 1.4904 | 0.04364 | 261 | 165 | 64 | 32 |
379 | My client has requested that you immediately disclose the whereabouts of the ball. | 1.4904 | 0.04227 | 261 | 161 | 72 | 28 |
380 | You can keep Mr. Squooshy, he will take the lake house. | 1.4903 | 0.04998 | 206 | 132 | 47 | 27 |
381 | By signing this you agree that the phrases “good girl” and “bad girl” are subject to binding arbitration. | 1.4900 | 0.04458 | 251 | 159 | 61 | 31 |
382 | Although your father left the majority of his estate to Buddy, he did bequeath you his favorite chew toy. | 1.4898 | 0.04770 | 196 | 119 | 58 | 19 |
383 | He thinks you are an appropriate rescue. Just sign here and he will take you home. | 1.4892 | 0.05071 | 186 | 116 | 49 | 21 |
384 | Yes, you are being let go. Yes, you are. | 1.4890 | 0.04561 | 227 | 141 | 61 | 25 |
385 | Before you sign your employment contract, we just have a little sniff test to complete | 1.4887 | 0.04608 | 221 | 137 | 60 | 24 |
386 | I think we both know there's no material difference between a crate and a cage. | 1.4884 | 0.04465 | 215 | 129 | 67 | 19 |
387 | While my client appreciates your offer of rescue, she does insist on some specific terms in the leash agreement | 1.4872 | 0.04676 | 195 | 117 | 61 | 17 |
388 | So, it's settled. He gets custody of the cat. | 1.4864 | 0.04130 | 257 | 156 | 77 | 24 |
389 | It’s a list of pet peeves. | 1.4862 | 0.05054 | 181 | 112 | 50 | 19 |
390 | True, but in dog years, he has far more experience.... | 1.4858 | 0.04656 | 212 | 131 | 59 | 22 |
391 | Yes Dave, this is because of 'the testicles thing.' | 1.4857 | 0.05428 | 175 | 113 | 39 | 23 |
392 | You agree to provide treats for no apparent reason. | 1.4848 | 0.04789 | 198 | 122 | 56 | 20 |
393 | It’s the standard prepup. | 1.4846 | 0.04645 | 227 | 144 | 56 | 27 |
394 | He wants more time with your ex-wife. | 1.4839 | 0.04350 | 248 | 155 | 66 | 27 |
395 | You can keep the house but my client wants the right to sniff and urinate anywhere in the yard. | 1.4837 | 0.04000 | 246 | 162 | 56 | 28 |
396 | Lucky has agreed to stop barking at the mailman if you agree to re-home the cat. | 1.4835 | 0.05211 | 182 | 116 | 44 | 22 |
397 | We are sorry to let you go, but I’m afraid you just don’t have what it takes to be top dog around here. | 1.4835 | 0.04972 | 182 | 112 | 52 | 18 |
398 | To make things easier, my client has asked me to throw you a bone. | 1.4831 | 0.04350 | 207 | 129 | 59 | 19 |
399 | You can keep the house, but I'm afraid the backyard is non-negotiable. | 1.4831 | 0.04611 | 236 | 154 | 51 | 31 |
400 | Be that as it may, your late father's will was QUITE specific | 1.4826 | 0.05115 | 172 | 106 | 49 | 17 |
401 | You get the house, the car, and the cabin at the lake and he wants that smelly carcass behind the tool shed. | 1.4825 | 0.04588 | 228 | 144 | 58 | 26 |
402 | Please sign this retraction, acknowledging that my client is not now, nor has he ever been your "best friend". | 1.4825 | 0.04460 | 228 | 143 | 61 | 24 |
403 | My client wants all his balls back. And yours. | 1.4822 | 0.04965 | 197 | 125 | 49 | 23 |
404 | My client agrees to the sale of the house, but he wishes to retain his interest in the bones buried in the back yard. | 1.4813 | 0.04244 | 241 | 147 | 72 | 22 |
405 | He dog-eared the important pages. | 1.4811 | 0.04750 | 212 | 134 | 54 | 24 |
406 | You have impressed our top dog. Here is our offer. | 1.4809 | 0.04486 | 235 | 148 | 61 | 26 |
407 | My client will drop the 'involuntary sterilization' lawsuit in exchange for the 'exclusive lifetime co-habitation' agreement. | 1.4803 | 0.04274 | 254 | 159 | 68 | 27 |
408 | She began here as an emotional support animal. Now, she’s our head of HR. | 1.4802 | 0.04728 | 227 | 147 | 51 | 29 |
409 | He's generously offered you full custody of the cat. | 1.4800 | 0.04320 | 275 | 179 | 60 | 36 |
410 | My client thinks you're the one who should move to the farm upstate. | 1.4800 | 0.04909 | 200 | 127 | 50 | 23 |
411 | You may call it 'puppy love', but it was inappropriate. | 1.4798 | 0.04946 | 198 | 126 | 49 | 23 |
412 | Did you or did you not engage in heavy petting with my client? | 1.4793 | 0.04714 | 217 | 138 | 54 | 25 |
413 | Look on the bright side,he finally brought you the papers | 1.4793 | 0.04623 | 217 | 136 | 58 | 23 |
414 | Now that you have adopted a cat, he needs this 'best friend' thing in writing. | 1.4790 | 0.04384 | 238 | 151 | 61 | 26 |
415 | Fido and I have come to an agreement on your remote work plan. He gets you at home Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, and I get you in the office on Tuesday and Thursday. | 1.4787 | 0.04670 | 211 | 132 | 57 | 22 |
416 | As we agreed, you get the cat. | 1.4775 | 0.04591 | 222 | 140 | 58 | 24 |
417 | Of course, we all know perfectly well who "a good boy" is but my client would prefer an official statement. | 1.4772 | 0.04324 | 241 | 150 | 67 | 24 |
418 | If you think we’re just going to roll over on this, you’re barking up the wrong tree. | 1.4767 | 0.05498 | 172 | 113 | 36 | 23 |
419 | Closing on a doghouse is uncommon, but not unprecedented. | 1.4766 | 0.04622 | 214 | 134 | 58 | 22 |
420 | Our final offer: three walks a day with treats. | 1.4764 | 0.04173 | 233 | 140 | 75 | 18 |
421 | He gets all the toys and visitation rights on the sofa. | 1.4760 | 0.04155 | 229 | 139 | 72 | 18 |
422 | Just because my client is wagging his tail doesn't mean he's waiving his rights. | 1.4757 | 0.04852 | 185 | 114 | 54 | 17 |
423 | And nothing for the cat. | 1.4752 | 0.04872 | 202 | 129 | 50 | 23 |
424 | Sorry Bill, we have to let you go. Fido just had better ideas for the dog food campaign. | 1.4737 | 0.04751 | 209 | 133 | 53 | 23 |
425 | He wants to know if you’re a good boy. Yes he does. He wants to know if you’re a good boy. | 1.4734 | 0.05140 | 188 | 122 | 43 | 23 |
426 | You can either sign or wipe your butt on the dotted line. | 1.4732 | 0.04917 | 205 | 133 | 47 | 25 |
427 | Only if both of you are neutered. | 1.4731 | 0.05292 | 186 | 123 | 38 | 25 |
428 | This simply redefines my client's relationship to you from "best friend" to "conscenting companion"... | 1.4731 | 0.05010 | 186 | 118 | 48 | 20 |
429 | And what would you do if Mr. Freckles had neutered you, Mr. Adams? | 1.4728 | 0.04623 | 239 | 157 | 51 | 31 |
430 | We like the your CV,but my client needs to know more about your ball throwing abilities. | 1.4727 | 0.04575 | 220 | 139 | 58 | 23 |
431 | My client simply wishes to expand upon, clarify, and memorialize the definition of "Man's best friend," should you ever choose to modify your gender identity. | 1.4725 | 0.04908 | 182 | 113 | 52 | 17 |
432 | By signing this document you agree that under no circumstances will you talk to him like he’s a baby. | 1.4725 | 0.04970 | 182 | 114 | 50 | 18 |
433 | She gets the dog house and that large building next to it. | 1.4721 | 0.04857 | 197 | 125 | 51 | 21 |
434 | And this is just a copy of the one my client ate. | 1.4716 | 0.04963 | 176 | 109 | 51 | 16 |
435 | His value has gone significantly up since his cousin won Westminster. | 1.4715 | 0.04100 | 246 | 152 | 73 | 21 |
436 | I think we're going to give Max the Kibble Account. He has more experience. | 1.4715 | 0.05092 | 193 | 126 | 43 | 24 |
437 | My client will only do the film if he doesn't die in the end. | 1.4712 | 0.05024 | 191 | 123 | 46 | 22 |
438 | …And for the record, my client is a “good boy” | 1.4711 | 0.04500 | 225 | 142 | 60 | 23 |
439 | You didn’t pass the smell test. | 1.4709 | 0.04751 | 206 | 131 | 53 | 22 |
440 | He objects to your characterization of the relationship as being one between "dog and master". Further, he states that your insistent and changing demands of "shake hands" and "give me kisses" confuses him and makes him feel very uncomfortable. | 1.4706 | 0.05087 | 170 | 106 | 48 | 16 |
441 | You can keep the vaccum, the nail clippers, the correction collar, the Yoko Ono album and the cat. | 1.4706 | 0.05378 | 187 | 126 | 34 | 27 |
442 | This is my client’s final offer, you get vaccinated and he will wear the flea collar. | 1.4700 | 0.04958 | 200 | 130 | 46 | 24 |
443 | Our dress code requires you to wear a necktie or collar. | 1.4691 | 0.04965 | 194 | 125 | 47 | 22 |
444 | You'll have to deal with him. He inherited all of Marge's money. | 1.4683 | 0.04546 | 252 | 168 | 50 | 34 |
445 | He WAS your best friend. | 1.4681 | 0.04735 | 188 | 116 | 56 | 16 |
446 | He keeps the big house, you get the little red one in back. | 1.4680 | 0.04852 | 203 | 131 | 49 | 23 |
447 | The agreement calls for two walks per day and no dry food on weekends | 1.4679 | 0.04511 | 218 | 137 | 60 | 21 |
448 | Chew on this. | 1.4677 | 0.04831 | 186 | 116 | 53 | 17 |
449 | And finally, by signing here, you agree to always be a good boy. | 1.4673 | 0.04667 | 214 | 137 | 54 | 23 |
450 | My client believes that after 11 years you should know who's a good dog. | 1.4670 | 0.05379 | 182 | 122 | 35 | 25 |
451 | Rover is our head of HR. Do you mind if he gives your butt a sniff ? | 1.4670 | 0.04961 | 197 | 128 | 46 | 23 |
452 | And this absolves liability for damage to shoes. | 1.4670 | 0.04856 | 197 | 126 | 50 | 21 |
453 | You get custody of the tennis ball, but not the squeaky duck. | 1.4670 | 0.04426 | 227 | 143 | 62 | 22 |
454 | You passed the sniff test. Welcome to the pack! | 1.4667 | 0.04410 | 225 | 141 | 63 | 21 |
455 | My client insists that he keeps his balls. | 1.4667 | 0.04967 | 210 | 140 | 42 | 28 |
456 | ...retracting your prior claim that my client did consume written materials, belonging to you, which were academic in nature | 1.4667 | 0.04586 | 225 | 145 | 55 | 25 |
457 | I think you’ll find our terms unintelligible. | 1.4663 | 0.04909 | 208 | 137 | 45 | 26 |
458 | Don't underestimate him, he has a keen nose for bull shit. | 1.4663 | 0.04929 | 193 | 124 | 48 | 21 |
459 | My client would also like to retain all tennis balls and dirty socks. | 1.4660 | 0.04740 | 191 | 119 | 55 | 17 |
460 | My client wants the house. The big house. | 1.4659 | 0.05153 | 176 | 113 | 44 | 19 |
461 | So,you acknowledge that you brought the cat home? | 1.4657 | 0.04733 | 204 | 130 | 53 | 21 |
462 | And we'll need three professional references to establish that you are a good boy. | 1.4655 | 0.05067 | 174 | 110 | 47 | 17 |
463 | You can have the doghouse. | 1.4655 | 0.04566 | 232 | 151 | 54 | 27 |
464 | Please review my client’s ruff draft. | 1.4649 | 0.04726 | 185 | 114 | 56 | 15 |
465 | It's just a standard release of liability for any unforeseen acts of chewing, peeing, or leg-humping. | 1.4645 | 0.05008 | 183 | 117 | 47 | 19 |
466 | He says that you treat him like a dog. How do you respond? | 1.4633 | 0.03880 | 218 | 138 | 64 | 16 |
467 | She gets the house - and before you ask, yes the big one. | 1.4632 | 0.05150 | 190 | 126 | 40 | 24 |
468 | Have you now or have you ever referred to the defendant as a "good boy" | 1.4631 | 0.04800 | 203 | 131 | 50 | 22 |
469 | He says he didn’t eat your homework! | 1.4630 | 0.05264 | 162 | 103 | 43 | 16 |
470 | My client asks that you balance the pen on your nose until he tells you it's okay to sign. | 1.4628 | 0.04792 | 188 | 118 | 53 | 17 |
471 | Just remember to divide the offer number by 7 to get it into human dollars. | 1.4624 | 0.05153 | 173 | 111 | 44 | 18 |
472 | He wants joint custody of the cat. | 1.4623 | 0.04922 | 199 | 130 | 46 | 23 |
473 | Don’t worry, it’s your standard pre-pup agreement | 1.4619 | 0.04533 | 210 | 132 | 59 | 19 |
474 | The tennis balls are his, and you can keep the cat. | 1.4619 | 0.04730 | 210 | 136 | 51 | 23 |
475 | Your mother left everything to Buster… but he would like you to have this allowance. | 1.4615 | 0.05087 | 182 | 118 | 44 | 20 |
476 | Sorry, but we're looking for someone who can do new tricks. | 1.4611 | 0.04934 | 167 | 103 | 51 | 13 |
477 | Unfortunately, your mother left all of her estate to Chester. | 1.4610 | 0.05383 | 154 | 98 | 41 | 15 |
478 | True. You might convince the judge to toss it. But my client would undoubtedly bring it back. | 1.4606 | 0.05670 | 165 | 112 | 30 | 23 |
479 | Please don’t call my client a bitch! | 1.4604 | 0.05114 | 202 | 137 | 37 | 28 |
480 | Be a good boy and take the offer. | 1.4602 | 0.05151 | 176 | 114 | 43 | 19 |
481 | He gets the slippers. | 1.4601 | 0.04942 | 163 | 100 | 51 | 12 |
482 | My client wants the couch 24-7. | 1.4600 | 0.04694 | 200 | 127 | 54 | 19 |
483 | He gets the cat. That's nonnegotiable. | 1.4599 | 0.04532 | 237 | 156 | 53 | 28 |
484 | He says he will finance the development if you put in more fire hydrants. | 1.4599 | 0.04657 | 187 | 118 | 53 | 16 |
485 | He is asking for a non-neutering agreement. | 1.4597 | 0.04760 | 211 | 138 | 49 | 24 |
486 | She’s offering to let you keep the cat. | 1.4593 | 0.04794 | 209 | 137 | 48 | 24 |
487 | My client keeps all the kibble, all the Tasty Treets, and your fuzzy left slipper. | 1.4583 | 0.05027 | 192 | 129 | 39 | 24 |
488 | Pretty standard stuff. You throw, he fetches but won't give back. | 1.4583 | 0.04776 | 192 | 122 | 52 | 18 |
489 | He's here to provide emotional support. | 1.4583 | 0.04585 | 216 | 139 | 55 | 22 |
490 | My client maintains that in the end you are actually a cat person. | 1.4581 | 0.05148 | 179 | 117 | 42 | 20 |
491 | Finally, she demands you refrain from referring to her as a bitch. | 1.4579 | 0.04754 | 190 | 120 | 53 | 17 |
492 | You get the leash, but he keeps his ball. | 1.4579 | 0.04754 | 190 | 120 | 53 | 17 |
493 | My client requests restitution for the damages done to his reputation based on your slander that he is a, quote, ‘bad dog’. | 1.4573 | 0.04628 | 199 | 128 | 52 | 19 |
494 | He says you can keep the doghouse, but he wants the couch. | 1.4573 | 0.04709 | 199 | 127 | 53 | 19 |
495 | I'm giving you his walking papers. | 1.4570 | 0.04766 | 186 | 117 | 53 | 16 |
496 | Ruff finds your demands to beg, heel, stay, and fetch demeaning. This is a cease and desist. | 1.4570 | 0.04826 | 186 | 118 | 51 | 17 |
497 | Your mother left Scruffy here in your care along with these instructions on how to invest his inheritance. | 1.4560 | 0.05024 | 182 | 118 | 45 | 19 |
498 | We think you'll play ball. | 1.4558 | 0.04455 | 215 | 136 | 60 | 19 |
499 | Bailey asserts that both the tennis balls and the relationship are irretrievable. | 1.4556 | 0.05102 | 169 | 108 | 45 | 16 |
500 | He'll settle for five minutes alone with the mailman. | 1.4554 | 0.04386 | 202 | 124 | 64 | 14 |
501 | Every dog has its day. And if he also has a $725 per hour attorney, a dog can have quite a day. | 1.4550 | 0.04529 | 189 | 121 | 52 | 16 |
502 | Your dog says you were the one who peed on the rug. Care to modify your witness statement...? | 1.4545 | 0.04866 | 187 | 120 | 49 | 18 |
503 | You keep the house, but he gets the yard. | 1.4545 | 0.04832 | 198 | 129 | 48 | 21 |
504 | Now if you'll just sniff these papers.. | 1.4541 | 0.05022 | 185 | 121 | 44 | 20 |
505 | Would you have any problem reporting to a dog? | 1.4541 | 0.04721 | 185 | 116 | 54 | 15 |
506 | My client is willing to move on number of walks per day, but tummy rubs are non-negotiable. | 1.4537 | 0.04377 | 227 | 145 | 61 | 21 |
507 | The counteroffer is fair, no more chewing your shoes but the toilet seat must be left up. | 1.4528 | 0.04499 | 212 | 135 | 58 | 19 |
508 | It turns out his love is conditional | 1.4520 | 0.05063 | 177 | 115 | 44 | 18 |
509 | Ruff is the sole heir. But he wants you to have the house in the Hamptons; he never liked the beach. | 1.4519 | 0.04351 | 208 | 129 | 64 | 15 |
510 | He wants his testicles back in the settlement. | 1.4516 | 0.04793 | 186 | 126 | 39 | 21 |
511 | My client believes you do not know who’s a good boy anymore. | 1.4513 | 0.04664 | 195 | 124 | 54 | 17 |
512 | Actually, prepuptual agreements are pretty common. | 1.4511 | 0.05041 | 184 | 121 | 43 | 20 |
513 | Free Britney" inspired my client to take control of her own life | 1.4510 | 0.05482 | 153 | 100 | 37 | 16 |
514 | He wants to keep the cat. | 1.4510 | 0.04828 | 204 | 135 | 46 | 23 |
515 | Listen, your resume looks great but your butt just didn't pass the sniff test. | 1.4509 | 0.04947 | 173 | 110 | 48 | 15 |
516 | He just wants to know if you’ve had all your shots.” | 1.4506 | 0.05330 | 162 | 106 | 39 | 17 |
517 | Baby talk, Elizabethan collars and Halloween costumes are non-starters. | 1.4505 | 0.04576 | 202 | 131 | 52 | 19 |
518 | He will agree to be housebroken if you agree to put an exhaust fan in your bathroom. | 1.4505 | 0.04549 | 202 | 128 | 57 | 17 |
519 | Sign here, Mr. Jamison. It's no longer in you best interest to make my client beg. | 1.4503 | 0.04777 | 171 | 106 | 53 | 12 |
520 | As agreed, Buddy gets full custody of the children. | 1.4503 | 0.05124 | 191 | 129 | 38 | 24 |
521 | You can keep the house, but my client gets the squeaky toys. | 1.4500 | 0.04525 | 200 | 126 | 58 | 16 |
522 | My client wishes to enforce the NO CAT CLAUSE in his custody contract. | 1.4500 | 0.04742 | 200 | 135 | 42 | 23 |
523 | Who’s a good boy?” My client doesn’t have to answer that. | 1.4500 | 0.05078 | 160 | 101 | 46 | 13 |
524 | And you agree to continue to work from home to be available for treats, tummy rubs and walks during the day | 1.4497 | 0.05168 | 169 | 110 | 42 | 17 |
525 | I'm sorry, but you've tested positive for cat hairs. | 1.4491 | 0.05143 | 167 | 108 | 43 | 16 |
526 | My client insists that you never threw the ball. | 1.4490 | 0.04866 | 196 | 129 | 46 | 21 |
527 | Sign here. There ya go. Good man. Good man. | 1.4489 | 0.04952 | 176 | 113 | 47 | 16 |
528 | This affidavit states you acknowledge that he is in fact "a good boy" and this document is a cease and desist order regarding repetition of said question. | 1.4487 | 0.05326 | 156 | 101 | 40 | 15 |
529 | Turn to Section 3, paragraph 4, my client would like to discuss the usage of the word, "fixed." | 1.4481 | 0.05531 | 154 | 102 | 35 | 17 |
530 | I’ve written down a number that will keep my client quiet | 1.4481 | 0.05296 | 154 | 99 | 41 | 14 |
531 | It’s just your standard pre-pup. | 1.4479 | 0.04626 | 192 | 124 | 51 | 17 |
532 | He claims he was a good boy,is a good boy,and will always be as good boy. | 1.4479 | 0.04567 | 192 | 123 | 53 | 16 |
533 | My client wants the house. He says you can keep the cat and the vacuum cleaner. | 1.4472 | 0.04811 | 199 | 131 | 47 | 21 |
534 | My client knows about the other dog. You're being sued for infidolity. | 1.4472 | 0.04915 | 199 | 133 | 43 | 23 |
535 | My client says you can keep the squeaky toys as long as he gets the house. | 1.4472 | 0.04977 | 161 | 101 | 48 | 12 |
536 | Now, moving on to the bone of contention... | 1.4470 | 0.04274 | 217 | 136 | 65 | 16 |
537 | He wants half your bed and the couch on weekends. | 1.4462 | 0.04821 | 186 | 120 | 49 | 17 |
538 | He's willing to settle out of court for a slice of Havarti | 1.4462 | 0.04998 | 186 | 123 | 43 | 20 |
539 | My client is prepared to settle for extra kibble and termination of the vacuum cleaner | 1.4462 | 0.04604 | 195 | 124 | 55 | 16 |
540 | It's the same agreement. We only added the doghouse in the Hamptons and the NDA. | 1.4460 | 0.04602 | 213 | 142 | 48 | 23 |
541 | You can keep the house,but the tennis balls are a non-negotiable. | 1.4456 | 0.04808 | 193 | 126 | 48 | 19 |
542 | He gets the couch | 1.4452 | 0.05025 | 155 | 102 | 39 | 14 |
543 | As I understand it, Rover here wants a pre-pup agreement. | 1.4451 | 0.04944 | 173 | 111 | 47 | 15 |
544 | My client says that you called him a “bad boy” and is suing for defamation | 1.4451 | 0.05273 | 173 | 116 | 37 | 20 |
545 | Aside from the property settlement, you need to stipulate that she is a "good dog". | 1.4450 | 0.04739 | 200 | 131 | 49 | 20 |
546 | He'll agree not to pee on the carpet if you agree that he won't be fixed. | 1.4444 | 0.04522 | 189 | 118 | 58 | 13 |
547 | We think you’ll find the treats clause quite generous. | 1.4444 | 0.04266 | 189 | 114 | 66 | 9 |
548 | And finally, he wants to be referred to as an acquaintance, not your best friend. | 1.4444 | 0.05318 | 153 | 99 | 40 | 14 |
549 | You will find that this settlement offer reflects the degree of emotional distress endured by my client. Next time just throw the ball." | 1.4439 | 0.05035 | 187 | 125 | 41 | 21 |
550 | Sign here. Your wife goes to the dog. | 1.4439 | 0.04801 | 187 | 121 | 49 | 17 |
551 | Thank you for waiting while we fetched these. | 1.4438 | 0.04836 | 160 | 99 | 51 | 10 |
552 | My client might not be such a good boy next time. | 1.4437 | 0.04940 | 151 | 93 | 49 | 9 |
553 | He will only consent to adoption if you guarantee his reproductive rights in writing. | 1.4437 | 0.05201 | 151 | 96 | 43 | 12 |
554 | Then it's settled. He gets your home and you get his. | 1.4433 | 0.04789 | 194 | 132 | 40 | 22 |
555 | The lounge set is yours, but my client will be retaining ownership of your socks. | 1.4432 | 0.05205 | 176 | 118 | 38 | 20 |
556 | We've gone over this. She gets the house. You get the cat. | 1.4427 | 0.04992 | 192 | 131 | 38 | 23 |
557 | Before you adopt him, he insists on a prepuptial. | 1.4426 | 0.04875 | 183 | 124 | 39 | 20 |
558 | maybe you shouldn't have called her a bitch... | 1.4424 | 0.04745 | 217 | 147 | 44 | 26 |
559 | All he really wants is the doghouse in the Hamptons. | 1.4421 | 0.04918 | 190 | 126 | 44 | 20 |
560 | He says that if you want the raise, you'll have to beg for it. | 1.4420 | 0.05036 | 181 | 120 | 42 | 19 |
561 | Since you've been working at home he's been on the computer more than you, so we're giving him your job. | 1.4419 | 0.05229 | 172 | 115 | 38 | 19 |
562 | His last condition would be to drink out of your toilet every other weekend. | 1.4419 | 0.05229 | 172 | 115 | 38 | 19 |
563 | We're here because he has a bone to pick with you | 1.4417 | 0.05301 | 163 | 108 | 38 | 17 |
564 | Bill, I think Duffy's offer to keep quiet about everything he's seen is quite reasonable and quite affordable. | 1.4416 | 0.05292 | 154 | 105 | 32 | 17 |
565 | And you get the cat. | 1.4414 | 0.05696 | 145 | 97 | 32 | 16 |
566 | My client has added a lot of 'commands' he feels are degrading and will not comply with. | 1.4413 | 0.04344 | 179 | 108 | 63 | 8 |
567 | You were right about your job being so easy your dog could do it. | 1.4412 | 0.05468 | 170 | 117 | 31 | 22 |
568 | He feels you haven't been much of a best friend. | 1.4409 | 0.04308 | 186 | 113 | 64 | 9 |
569 | He says you feed him dog food. | 1.4402 | 0.04736 | 209 | 140 | 46 | 23 |
570 | To finalize this adoption we'll need your signature on this agreement which states you'll refrain, in perpetuity, from referring to my client as a rescue. | 1.4390 | 0.05204 | 164 | 108 | 40 | 16 |
571 | He's holding out for additional belly rubs. | 1.4389 | 0.04398 | 180 | 110 | 61 | 9 |
572 | In this case I have a Fidociary responsibility to my client | 1.4389 | 0.05055 | 180 | 120 | 41 | 19 |
573 | My client has a bone to pick | 1.4388 | 0.05604 | 139 | 91 | 35 | 13 |
574 | Sorry, you're too old for the part. Rover wants someone like Timmy as his best friend. | 1.4387 | 0.05185 | 155 | 100 | 42 | 13 |
575 | He is offering you the leash,the dead mouse,and the chew toy. He gets the house. | 1.4386 | 0.05117 | 171 | 113 | 41 | 17 |
576 | If you fail to sign this final agreement, I 'm authorized to roll it up, hit you on the nose, and say, 'Bad human, bad human.' | 1.4381 | 0.04571 | 210 | 138 | 52 | 20 |
577 | On behalf of my client, who's a good boy now? | 1.4379 | 0.04804 | 153 | 94 | 51 | 8 |
578 | Rex demands that you no longer work from home. | 1.4379 | 0.04951 | 169 | 109 | 46 | 14 |
579 | My client objects to your use of the term "fixed". | 1.4379 | 0.05091 | 169 | 111 | 42 | 16 |
580 | He'll agree to 3 bones a week and equal share of the bed. | 1.4375 | 0.04812 | 176 | 113 | 49 | 14 |
581 | And to be clear, the maintenance term is in dog years. | 1.4372 | 0.04871 | 183 | 120 | 46 | 17 |
582 | It's agreed, no more neutering talk, no chewed slippers. | 1.4371 | 0.05408 | 167 | 114 | 33 | 20 |
583 | Not exactly... we prefer to call them "Go for a walk" papers. | 1.4371 | 0.04658 | 151 | 91 | 54 | 6 |
584 | My client would like to renegotiate the terms of his leash. | 1.4368 | 0.04800 | 190 | 125 | 47 | 18 |
585 | The "No barking" clause is a deal breaker. | 1.4368 | 0.04985 | 174 | 114 | 44 | 16 |
586 | This may come back to bite you. | 1.4367 | 0.05034 | 158 | 101 | 45 | 12 |
587 | We are redefining what it means to work like a dog. | 1.4365 | 0.05225 | 126 | 77 | 43 | 6 |
588 | when you see the amount he’s written I think you’ll agree he’s probably not your best friend “ | 1.4365 | 0.04783 | 181 | 117 | 49 | 15 |
589 | I’m sorry, no. You are not the good boy. | 1.4364 | 0.05250 | 165 | 110 | 38 | 17 |
590 | He wants you to agree to continue working from home for at least another year. | 1.4357 | 0.05288 | 140 | 89 | 41 | 10 |
591 | I have decided to take the case pro bone. | 1.4356 | 0.05224 | 163 | 108 | 39 | 16 |
592 | Under the reciprocity clause of the adoption agreement, it’s your turn to be neutered. | 1.4356 | 0.05575 | 163 | 113 | 29 | 21 |
593 | And my client requests that he be remunerated for any attention, adoration, or affection you may receive from the use of his image or likeness on social media…treats being the preferred means of payment. | 1.4355 | 0.04660 | 186 | 127 | 40 | 19 |
594 | You get all the toys--but he wants the big house. | 1.4354 | 0.05551 | 147 | 98 | 34 | 15 |
595 | He's firm. Belly rubs and no baths are non-negotiable. | 1.4352 | 0.04688 | 193 | 126 | 50 | 17 |
596 | By signing this you agree to work from home until termination, or death depending upon which occurs first. | 1.4351 | 0.05896 | 131 | 90 | 26 | 15 |
597 | My client says that during “work-from-home” days that you took part in a mysterious third meal, of which he was not previously made aware…something called “lunch”. | 1.4351 | 0.05522 | 154 | 104 | 33 | 17 |
598 | His offer is in Bitcoin | 1.4350 | 0.04857 | 177 | 115 | 47 | 15 |
599 | It’s the standard prenup giving 50% of the assets and all of the tug toys. | 1.4350 | 0.04345 | 200 | 131 | 53 | 16 |
600 | He's still mad about the do it yourself neuter kit. | 1.4348 | 0.04850 | 184 | 121 | 46 | 17 |
601 | Sir, this will be anything but a walk in the park. | 1.4346 | 0.04664 | 191 | 124 | 51 | 16 |
602 | You, sir, have said your final "bad dog." | 1.4346 | 0.04780 | 191 | 126 | 47 | 18 |
603 | I misunderstood your desire to sue the bitch, Mr. Smith. | 1.4345 | 0.04969 | 168 | 114 | 37 | 17 |
604 | You're being fired because you're not a good boy. | 1.4340 | 0.05089 | 159 | 103 | 43 | 13 |
605 | See Spot. See Spot win arbitration. | 1.4340 | 0.05166 | 159 | 104 | 41 | 14 |
606 | Now that you're back in the office, let me remind you of our dress code and no pet policy | 1.4340 | 0.05466 | 159 | 108 | 33 | 18 |
607 | YOU drop it. | 1.4338 | 0.05969 | 136 | 93 | 27 | 16 |
608 | He wants to keep the squeaky toys. | 1.4333 | 0.04863 | 180 | 118 | 46 | 16 |
609 | He has asked me to hand you your walking papers. | 1.4333 | 0.05043 | 150 | 95 | 45 | 10 |
610 | … and said ball to be retrieved solely by thrower. | 1.4333 | 0.05302 | 150 | 98 | 39 | 13 |
611 | You had HIM fixed; fair is fair. | 1.4331 | 0.05213 | 157 | 103 | 40 | 14 |
612 | Either way,he gets the bone. | 1.4330 | 0.04612 | 194 | 126 | 52 | 16 |
613 | And you get custody of the cat. | 1.4327 | 0.04542 | 171 | 109 | 52 | 10 |
614 | He's mostly asking you to stop calling him, "Buddy. | 1.4324 | 0.05266 | 148 | 96 | 40 | 12 |
615 | "It says that you agree to be neutered as well for the sake of this relationship." | 1.4323 | 0.04703 | 192 | 126 | 49 | 17 |
616 | I promise this pre-pup in no way diminishes Sparky’s love for you | 1.4322 | 0.04801 | 199 | 134 | 44 | 21 |
617 | Mr. Fido's request is quite reasonable. When you throw the ball it must actually leave your hand. | 1.4320 | 0.05604 | 125 | 80 | 36 | 9 |
618 | It’s a simple separation agreement. He recognizes that you’re just not a dog person. | 1.4315 | 0.05226 | 146 | 94 | 41 | 11 |
619 | I'm afraid that your wife's will has left everything to your dog. | 1.4314 | 0.04886 | 153 | 96 | 48 | 9 |
620 | This is his ruff draft. | 1.4314 | 0.04505 | 204 | 133 | 54 | 17 |
621 | It's a pretty standard rollover. | 1.4314 | 0.05059 | 153 | 98 | 44 | 11 |
622 | My client is demanding real grass to pee on and a better name than "Stash" | 1.4312 | 0.05217 | 160 | 106 | 39 | 15 |
623 | My client is willing to throw you a bone, so to speak | 1.4312 | 0.05292 | 160 | 107 | 37 | 16 |
624 | My client asked me to convey that he knew it was over when you subscribed to the digital edition, despite knowing full-well how much he enjoyed fetching the newspaper in the morning. | 1.4311 | 0.05404 | 167 | 115 | 32 | 20 |
625 | It's just a bunch of beagle-ese. | 1.4311 | 0.05059 | 167 | 110 | 42 | 15 |
626 | You can have the vacuum and the cat. He gets everything else including your shoes and all the bacon. There will also be mandatory belly rubs on Fridays. | 1.4305 | 0.05520 | 151 | 102 | 33 | 16 |
627 | She says she can't sign this. It doesn't pass the sniff test. | 1.4296 | 0.05811 | 135 | 91 | 30 | 14 |
628 | He wants to start seeing other people. | 1.4296 | 0.05689 | 142 | 96 | 31 | 15 |
629 | He doesn’t want to do the rollover. | 1.4294 | 0.04997 | 163 | 106 | 44 | 13 |
630 | Full visitation rights, a lifetime supply of kibble, and a five-year waiver on the no humping rule. | 1.4294 | 0.05063 | 170 | 113 | 41 | 16 |
631 | You signed this pre-pup, Greg. She's not asking for the kids. Just your trash, every week, for a lifetime. | 1.4293 | 0.04417 | 191 | 124 | 55 | 12 |
632 | I can assure you,it is a standard Pre-Pup agreement | 1.4293 | 0.04777 | 191 | 127 | 46 | 18 |
633 | My client is not going to roll over for these petty contract demands! | 1.4286 | 0.04603 | 189 | 125 | 48 | 16 |
634 | Leave it ... leave it ... leave it ... Take it! | 1.4286 | 0.05106 | 168 | 112 | 40 | 16 |
635 | This is his final offer; all walks longer than ten minutes, scratchies whenever he wants and no bargain brand food ever | 1.4278 | 0.04922 | 180 | 120 | 43 | 17 |
636 | Two walks a day. Final offer. | 1.4278 | 0.05228 | 180 | 125 | 33 | 22 |
637 | My client and I have agreed that I will work pro-bone-o. | 1.4277 | 0.05006 | 166 | 109 | 43 | 14 |
638 | My client agrees to up to three “”Sits” and “Roll Overs” a day; to be followed by treats; but categorically rejects the “beg” and “play dead” proposals. | 1.4277 | 0.05220 | 166 | 112 | 37 | 17 |
639 | His estate goes to his family, but he's leaving you a bone. | 1.4276 | 0.05247 | 145 | 94 | 40 | 11 |
640 | The bowl, the collar, the chew toy...he's leaving you all of it. | 1.4271 | 0.04699 | 192 | 127 | 48 | 17 |
641 | And this one states that you know EXACTLY who’s a good boy. | 1.4269 | 0.05175 | 171 | 116 | 37 | 18 |
642 | It's a binding seven-year contract. Well, only one year for Fido, of course. | 1.4268 | 0.05194 | 164 | 110 | 38 | 16 |
643 | He claims you've been treating him like a dog. | 1.4266 | 0.05657 | 143 | 97 | 31 | 15 |
644 | If it's any consolation - you were our second choice. | 1.4265 | 0.05681 | 136 | 91 | 32 | 13 |
645 | He wants 2 walks a day a day and more dog bones... | 1.4259 | 0.04618 | 162 | 104 | 49 | 9 |
646 | You get the cats. | 1.4254 | 0.04264 | 181 | 114 | 58 | 9 |
647 | My client says be a good boy and sign this. | 1.4250 | 0.05059 | 160 | 105 | 42 | 13 |
648 | Your turn to get neutered. | 1.4248 | 0.05768 | 153 | 108 | 25 | 20 |
649 | You should have read the terms of the pre-pup agreement. | 1.4247 | 0.04620 | 186 | 121 | 51 | 14 |
650 | Solid resume sir, but we threw him a bone and he jumped at the offer. | 1.4245 | 0.05304 | 139 | 92 | 36 | 11 |
651 | As a part of the settlement, he wants the dog house and his testicles back. | 1.4244 | 0.05345 | 172 | 120 | 31 | 21 |
652 | Sign here and you'll no longer be man and man's best friend. | 1.4244 | 0.05017 | 172 | 115 | 41 | 16 |
653 | I’m afraid “fetching” is off the table. | 1.4242 | 0.05171 | 132 | 83 | 42 | 7 |
654 | I'm sure you both want what's best for the pupies. | 1.4242 | 0.04798 | 165 | 106 | 48 | 11 |
655 | My client specifically remembers you saying, 'tutored'. | 1.4242 | 0.05024 | 165 | 109 | 42 | 14 |
656 | You can have everything, he just wants the doghouse. | 1.4241 | 0.04535 | 191 | 127 | 49 | 15 |
657 | He shouldn’t have to beg for you to sign this. | 1.4238 | 0.05011 | 151 | 97 | 44 | 10 |
658 | My client will accept a signature in lieu of a paw print. | 1.4233 | 0.05214 | 163 | 110 | 37 | 16 |
659 | He gets Marsha; you get the cat. | 1.4229 | 0.04545 | 201 | 133 | 51 | 17 |
660 | Since you were always in it with your ex, he’s giving you the doghouse. | 1.4229 | 0.05019 | 175 | 118 | 40 | 17 |
661 | Here are your walking papers. | 1.4226 | 0.05170 | 168 | 114 | 37 | 17 |
662 | Your parents left him the estate, but he says you're always welcome to visit if you give him advance notice. | 1.4225 | 0.05594 | 142 | 96 | 32 | 14 |
663 | He uses Dogusign. | 1.4224 | 0.05891 | 116 | 76 | 31 | 9 |
664 | Well Dan, as of today, its no longer your business who's a good boy. | 1.4222 | 0.05804 | 135 | 92 | 29 | 14 |
665 | At your previous job, would you say you were a good boy? | 1.4221 | 0.04898 | 199 | 138 | 38 | 23 |
666 | Sign and he'll bury his bone of contention and bark up another tree. | 1.4217 | 0.05000 | 166 | 110 | 42 | 14 |
667 | Rex gets the house and a monthly allowance of $2,000. You get the custody of the cat who started all this... | 1.4214 | 0.05830 | 140 | 97 | 27 | 16 |
668 | …and you agree to further acknowledge that in fact he *is* a “good boy”. | 1.4214 | 0.05232 | 159 | 107 | 37 | 15 |
669 | Well, for one thing, he's had all his vaccinations. | 1.4213 | 0.05020 | 178 | 121 | 39 | 18 |
670 | You get to keep your wife, but my client Wolfie will have sole custody of the children. | 1.4211 | 0.05769 | 133 | 90 | 30 | 13 |
671 | My client reminds you it is a dog eat dog world. | 1.4207 | 0.04959 | 145 | 92 | 45 | 8 |
672 | It's a restraining order" | 1.4204 | 0.05356 | 157 | 107 | 34 | 16 |
673 | For a settlement agreement we'll need a list of all your assets, buried or unburied. | 1.4203 | 0.05326 | 138 | 90 | 38 | 10 |
674 | I’m sorry, but he’s playing hard squeaky ball on this one. | 1.4201 | 0.05077 | 169 | 114 | 39 | 16 |
675 | We would like to know what the phrase “good boy” means to you. | 1.4195 | 0.04903 | 174 | 116 | 43 | 15 |
676 | He's suing you for telling your wife, 'It was the Dog." | 1.4191 | 0.05479 | 136 | 90 | 35 | 11 |
677 | 3 bones per day is actually quite reasonable for a pre-puptual agreement. | 1.4190 | 0.04934 | 179 | 121 | 41 | 17 |
678 | He suggests you two split the bed. He gets the foot. | 1.4189 | 0.05075 | 148 | 96 | 42 | 10 |
679 | Before you sign, let’s just be clear on our definition of ‘liquidated damages’. | 1.4187 | 0.05206 | 160 | 108 | 37 | 15 |
680 | Please sign here that HR had this discussion with you and that you will no longer refer to Mr. Dog as “boy” in any professional setting henceforth. | 1.4186 | 0.05011 | 172 | 116 | 40 | 16 |
681 | Did you have any intent on throwing the ball when you maliciously deceived my client? | 1.4182 | 0.04907 | 165 | 116 | 32 | 17 |
682 | Before we hire you, Max would like you to write a short essay about possible solutions to the rising cat population in the city. | 1.4179 | 0.04910 | 201 | 141 | 36 | 24 |
683 | OK. To sweeten the deal, we want to throw you a bone. | 1.4178 | 0.05121 | 146 | 95 | 41 | 10 |
684 | It's your standard prepup agreement. | 1.4177 | 0.05017 | 158 | 104 | 42 | 12 |
685 | In order to compensate you for the unfortunate 'leg incident,' Mr. Barks will require you to sign this non-disclosure agreement. | 1.4176 | 0.05053 | 170 | 115 | 39 | 16 |
686 | It's "Give a dog a bone," not "Give a dog a boner." You'll be paying for that mistake for decades. | 1.4173 | 0.05583 | 139 | 94 | 32 | 13 |
687 | It’s a non-negotiable, the cat has to go. | 1.4172 | 0.05508 | 151 | 104 | 31 | 16 |
688 | She knew it was over when you came home smelling like catnip. | 1.4172 | 0.04590 | 163 | 103 | 52 | 8 |
689 | He says it is time for you to roll over. | 1.4167 | 0.04748 | 192 | 130 | 44 | 18 |
690 | And here’s a list of commands I’ll be using with you. | 1.4167 | 0.05377 | 156 | 107 | 33 | 16 |
691 | Yes, well that's the thing about the Internet. Regardless, you should have known my client was a dog. | 1.4162 | 0.05186 | 173 | 120 | 34 | 19 |
692 | Canned food daily, the dog park at least 3 days a week and you can't make that cringe face when you pick up his poop. It's all right here in the contract. | 1.4161 | 0.05348 | 137 | 90 | 37 | 10 |
693 | She thinks if you throw the ball away,you should be the one to fetch it. | 1.4161 | 0.05348 | 137 | 90 | 37 | 10 |
694 | In exchange for unconditional love, my client demands access to the nice sofa. | 1.4152 | 0.04960 | 171 | 115 | 41 | 15 |
695 | She wants you to sign a pre-pup. | 1.4151 | 0.04830 | 159 | 103 | 46 | 10 |
696 | My client is not rolling over. | 1.4151 | 0.04830 | 159 | 103 | 46 | 10 |
697 | As his role has expanded from Man's Best Friend to Emotional Support dog, Lucky would like to discuss his cookie distribution. | 1.4150 | 0.05274 | 147 | 98 | 37 | 12 |
698 | As agreed, steak every day, sleeps on the big bed, more dog toys, goes with you on all vacations - and get a new girlfriend. | 1.4146 | 0.05764 | 123 | 82 | 31 | 10 |
699 | He doesn't want to be your best friend anymore. | 1.4145 | 0.05151 | 152 | 101 | 39 | 12 |
700 | Unfortunately, the 401K-9 is non-negotiable. | 1.4140 | 0.04656 | 157 | 102 | 46 | 9 |
701 | He agrees to give up the ball if you acknowledge he's a good boy. | 1.4140 | 0.04734 | 186 | 125 | 45 | 16 |
702 | Just sign here. There's a good boy. | 1.4138 | 0.05672 | 145 | 101 | 28 | 16 |
703 | No, actually pre-pup agreements like this have become quite common. | 1.4138 | 0.04760 | 174 | 115 | 46 | 13 |
704 | All of our applicants are thoroughly vetted. | 1.4136 | 0.04965 | 162 | 110 | 38 | 14 |
705 | Stop snoring and he'll stop barking. | 1.4135 | 0.05559 | 133 | 89 | 33 | 11 |
706 | He claims he did not eat your homework. | 1.4135 | 0.05350 | 133 | 87 | 37 | 9 |
707 | It turns out his bark isn’t worse than his bite.” | 1.4132 | 0.04971 | 167 | 112 | 41 | 14 |
708 | I'm working pro bone-o." | 1.4132 | 0.05184 | 167 | 115 | 35 | 17 |
709 | Fluffy sites irreconcilable differences due to your refusal to part with the vacuum and the cat. | 1.4130 | 0.05608 | 138 | 94 | 31 | 13 |
710 | He said you gave his children away and didn’t properly compensate him. | 1.4130 | 0.05187 | 184 | 131 | 30 | 23 |
711 | he gets the backyard, you can keep the house | 1.4129 | 0.05079 | 155 | 103 | 40 | 12 |
712 | Any property damaged by chewing was instinctual and without malice so will not be reimbursed | 1.4127 | 0.05494 | 126 | 85 | 31 | 10 |
713 | And lastly, you will refrain from the b-word. | 1.4125 | 0.04511 | 160 | 108 | 41 | 11 |
714 | My advice is to roll over | 1.4125 | 0.04807 | 160 | 104 | 46 | 10 |
715 | It's his emancipation papers. In dog years he is 21. | 1.4124 | 0.04837 | 177 | 119 | 43 | 15 |
716 | It’s your choice. Our severance package or the dog. | 1.4121 | 0.05157 | 165 | 113 | 36 | 16 |
717 | You're being sued for repeatedly faking the ball throw. | 1.4121 | 0.04862 | 165 | 109 | 44 | 12 |
718 | All he wants is custody of the kids and the tennis ball. | 1.4115 | 0.04507 | 192 | 127 | 51 | 14 |
719 | And further more , you throw it you fetch it. | 1.4114 | 0.05168 | 158 | 107 | 37 | 14 |
720 | He just wants to be best friends with another man. | 1.4109 | 0.05678 | 129 | 87 | 31 | 11 |
721 | Rover just wants to cut the leash and move on. | 1.4109 | 0.05460 | 129 | 85 | 35 | 9 |
722 | I’m sorry but we’re giving the promotion to someone who displays a little more loyalty. | 1.4109 | 0.05887 | 129 | 89 | 27 | 13 |
723 | As part of your severance package, we are offering you an emotional support dog | 1.4106 | 0.05255 | 151 | 102 | 36 | 13 |
724 | You'll find the paperwork is in order. My client is leaving you, though he's willing to amicably split custody of your wife. | 1.4106 | 0.05255 | 151 | 102 | 36 | 13 |
725 | Sorry sir, but your dog will have custody of the children. | 1.4101 | 0.05287 | 139 | 92 | 37 | 10 |
726 | Who rescued whom, indeed? | 1.4101 | 0.05668 | 139 | 96 | 29 | 14 |
727 | Then it's agreed - my client gets the house, you get the crate. | 1.4097 | 0.05113 | 144 | 97 | 36 | 11 |
728 | ... And you agree to rethink the name "Fluffy." | 1.4094 | 0.05739 | 127 | 86 | 30 | 11 |
729 | Can you handle reporting to a female? | 1.4094 | 0.05629 | 127 | 85 | 32 | 10 |
730 | The cat won't be necessary any longer. | 1.4094 | 0.05217 | 149 | 100 | 37 | 12 |
731 | Answer one question: Who's a good boy?" | 1.4094 | 0.05217 | 149 | 100 | 37 | 12 |
732 | My client does not wish to speak at this time. | 1.4094 | 0.05224 | 171 | 120 | 32 | 19 |
733 | Unfortunately, your mother left her entire estate to her cherished companion sitting on my left. | 1.4091 | 0.05886 | 132 | 92 | 26 | 14 |
734 | ... two hundred pounds of kibble annually, and the dog house in the Hamptons. | 1.4091 | 0.05372 | 132 | 87 | 36 | 9 |
735 | He doesn’t want to be your best friend. | 1.4091 | 0.05818 | 110 | 72 | 31 | 7 |
736 | Include the doghouse in the Hamptons or we walk away. | 1.4091 | 0.05098 | 154 | 103 | 39 | 12 |
737 | My client agrees to share custody of the backyard and reserves visitation rights every other weekend to drink from the toilet. | 1.4091 | 0.05372 | 132 | 87 | 36 | 9 |
738 | No dry food and quit saying "heel" and we have a deal. | 1.4088 | 0.04985 | 159 | 106 | 41 | 12 |
739 | I’m sorry but she wants sole custody of the squeaky toy. | 1.4083 | 0.05065 | 169 | 116 | 37 | 16 |
740 | This complaint states that for the past two years my client has been unduly burdened by being forced to retrieve tennis balls which you were attempting to throw away in a public park." | 1.4082 | 0.05086 | 147 | 97 | 40 | 10 |
741 | Organic treats. Private kennel. And a daily brushing. That’s our final offer. | 1.4082 | 0.05440 | 147 | 101 | 32 | 14 |
742 | And finally, this states you agree my client is not broken and so does not need to be "fixed." | 1.4080 | 0.05576 | 125 | 83 | 33 | 9 |
743 | He would like to present a flea bargain for your review | 1.4079 | 0.05143 | 152 | 107 | 30 | 15 |
744 | Being a pandemic puppy, he had every right to expect you'd never leave the house. | 1.4076 | 0.04946 | 157 | 104 | 42 | 11 |
745 | My client would like all the dog food, his frisbee, and half the socks and tennis balls in this separation | 1.4076 | 0.05028 | 157 | 105 | 40 | 12 |
746 | He asks that you just be a good boy and sign it, Craig. | 1.4076 | 0.04702 | 184 | 124 | 45 | 15 |
747 | My client claims that on the 25th of last month you forced him to wear a Christmas sweater and booties. | 1.4071 | 0.05450 | 140 | 95 | 33 | 12 |
748 | Is this the unfinished homework you are accusing my client of eating" | 1.4071 | 0.05635 | 140 | 97 | 29 | 14 |
749 | We are keeping your dog on board; he's good for company morale. But we have to let you go because you are not. | 1.4068 | 0.05396 | 177 | 129 | 24 | 24 |
750 | Here's our best offer: you stop delivering the mail and he agrees to stop biting you. | 1.4062 | 0.05810 | 128 | 88 | 28 | 12 |
751 | The main thing we're looking for here is loyalty. | 1.4060 | 0.05341 | 133 | 88 | 36 | 9 |
752 | Congratulations! The search to fill the position of Quality Control Inspector in our pet food division has narrowed to two candidates. | 1.4060 | 0.05550 | 133 | 90 | 32 | 11 |
753 | How much is that doggie in the window, you ask? I'm going to show you a number. | 1.4056 | 0.05180 | 143 | 95 | 38 | 10 |
754 | Sorry, but the Frisbee is non-negotiable. | 1.4056 | 0.04641 | 180 | 120 | 47 | 13 |
755 | Online, no one knows he’s a dog. | 1.4050 | 0.05699 | 121 | 81 | 31 | 9 |
756 | My client is a very good boy and is hereby demanding the following. | 1.4049 | 0.04616 | 163 | 113 | 37 | 13 |
757 | The fire hydrant is non-negotiable. | 1.4049 | 0.05048 | 163 | 111 | 38 | 14 |
758 | These are his non-negotiables should you wish to adopt him. | 1.4048 | 0.05875 | 126 | 87 | 27 | 12 |
759 | With this document, you agree that he's a good boy'. | 1.4048 | 0.05766 | 126 | 86 | 29 | 11 |
760 | Unconditional love at affordable prices. | 1.4041 | 0.05286 | 146 | 99 | 35 | 12 |
761 | Our offer - He gets use of the dog house, the kids every other weekend and unlimited freedom to chase all the squirrels in your backyard | 1.4041 | 0.05286 | 146 | 99 | 35 | 12 |
762 | Before we proceed, you must stipulate that Fluffy is, ipso facto, “a good boy”. | 1.4040 | 0.05162 | 151 | 102 | 37 | 12 |
763 | By signing, you agree to remove all fences, physical and invisible. | 1.4040 | 0.05076 | 151 | 101 | 39 | 11 |
764 | My client requests more stick throwing during the week. | 1.4038 | 0.04963 | 156 | 104 | 41 | 11 |
765 | I'm happy to tell you, you've passed the sniff test. | 1.4038 | 0.04963 | 156 | 104 | 41 | 11 |
766 | My client directs me to serve your walking papers. | 1.4035 | 0.04434 | 171 | 115 | 45 | 11 |
767 | We agree to pay the amount specified for the leg humping incident but I'll need you to sign a non-disclosure agreement, | 1.4034 | 0.04779 | 176 | 119 | 43 | 14 |
768 | The tennis balls are all yours, but my client is adamant about the squeaky toy | 1.4034 | 0.04913 | 176 | 121 | 39 | 16 |
769 | My client is also asking for the return of his testicles. | 1.4034 | 0.06123 | 119 | 83 | 24 | 12 |
770 | My client would like you to put in writing that he is a good dog. | 1.4033 | 0.04816 | 181 | 124 | 41 | 16 |
771 | It’s our standard pre-pup. | 1.4032 | 0.05482 | 124 | 82 | 34 | 8 |
772 | It's like we don't speak the same language sometimes. | 1.4031 | 0.05560 | 129 | 87 | 32 | 10 |
773 | Sparky is telling me your vaccinations are not up to date. | 1.4031 | 0.05980 | 129 | 91 | 24 | 14 |
774 | Trust me. When you read the list of demands you’ll stop referring to my client as ‘good boy’. | 1.4030 | 0.05309 | 134 | 89 | 36 | 9 |
775 | It's to verify that you're a good boy. | 1.4029 | 0.05376 | 139 | 94 | 34 | 11 |
776 | He’s willing to negotiate child custody, but from now on you have to chase the mailman. | 1.4027 | 0.05464 | 149 | 104 | 30 | 15 |
777 | And in this one,my client stipulates that you must take the cat. | 1.4026 | 0.05413 | 154 | 108 | 30 | 16 |
778 | It's a standard 'Prepup' --stipulating for three walks daily and couch access | 1.4025 | 0.04937 | 159 | 109 | 37 | 13 |
779 | Walk my client or my client is walking." | 1.4024 | 0.04871 | 164 | 110 | 42 | 12 |
780 | Final offer: You agree to get fixed as punishment for getting this good boy fixed or we take this to trial. | 1.4023 | 0.05150 | 174 | 123 | 32 | 19 |
781 | Final offer; he's late for doggie daycare. | 1.4023 | 0.04268 | 174 | 120 | 42 | 12 |
782 | Yes,when the dog dies,you are the primary beneficiary. It’s all explained here. | 1.4019 | 0.05918 | 107 | 71 | 29 | 7 |
783 | You must have heard your mother say he's a member of the family a thousand times. I'd take this offer. | 1.4016 | 0.06122 | 122 | 86 | 23 | 13 |
784 | He wants custody of your wife. | 1.4015 | 0.05974 | 132 | 94 | 23 | 15 |
785 | Remember: while you were out earning a high wage for ten years, he was at home being a good dog. | 1.4015 | 0.05124 | 137 | 90 | 39 | 8 |
786 | The contract, like Max, is fixed. | 1.4014 | 0.05199 | 142 | 95 | 37 | 10 |
787 | I advise you not to pick a bone with my client. | 1.4012 | 0.04912 | 162 | 109 | 41 | 12 |
788 | He wants to live with your wife. | 1.4012 | 0.05501 | 162 | 117 | 25 | 20 |
789 | You have two weeks to train your replacement. | 1.4012 | 0.05215 | 162 | 113 | 33 | 16 |
790 | She's willing to settle for treats. | 1.4000 | 0.04675 | 170 | 113 | 46 | 11 |
791 | Don't get too upset. The salary is calculated in dog years. | 1.4000 | 0.04915 | 150 | 99 | 42 | 9 |
792 | I'm sorry but Jack says you just don't pass the smell test. | 1.4000 | 0.05345 | 140 | 95 | 34 | 11 |
793 | Try an offer worthy of your best friend. | 1.4000 | 0.04998 | 165 | 113 | 38 | 14 |
794 | It's just like a prenup, but covers puppy support and the doghouse. | 1.4000 | 0.04835 | 130 | 82 | 44 | 4 |
795 | He handles our rollovers. | 1.4000 | 0.05525 | 130 | 88 | 32 | 10 |
796 | She doesn’t insist on a full pre-nup but she does need a firm commitment you won’t return her to the kennel after Covid. | 1.3990 | 0.04650 | 203 | 142 | 41 | 20 |
797 | If you’ll just sign here, the pooch will have your wife on alternate weekends. | 1.3987 | 0.05153 | 158 | 109 | 35 | 14 |
798 | In this offer, he retains full custody of the good blanket but we feel this number of dogs treats is quite generous. | 1.3987 | 0.05153 | 158 | 109 | 35 | 14 |
799 | Are you ready to be a good boy? | 1.3986 | 0.05357 | 143 | 98 | 33 | 12 |
800 | He may be your best friend now,but a prenuptial agreement is still a good idea | 1.3986 | 0.05357 | 143 | 98 | 33 | 12 |
801 | The neutering clause is unacceptable unless it is mutual. | 1.3985 | 0.05840 | 133 | 94 | 25 | 14 |
802 | He says you’re no longer his best friend either. | 1.3985 | 0.05436 | 133 | 90 | 33 | 10 |
803 | Now beg. | 1.3984 | 0.05243 | 128 | 84 | 37 | 7 |
804 | And he gets to pick your name | 1.3975 | 0.05380 | 161 | 115 | 28 | 18 |
805 | I think we can do this amicably...Fido just wants the doghouse, that big ham bone in the fridge and the upstairs toilet. Okay? | 1.3974 | 0.05239 | 151 | 104 | 34 | 13 |
806 | Your application doesn't pass the smell test. | 1.3972 | 0.05409 | 141 | 97 | 32 | 12 |
807 | My client will agree to the bark collar as long as you wear a speech collar so he can zap you every time you say something stupid. | 1.3971 | 0.05451 | 136 | 93 | 32 | 11 |
808 | Sorry - doesn't pass the sniff test. | 1.3969 | 0.05384 | 131 | 88 | 34 | 9 |
809 | It's not a big ask... just throw him a bone. | 1.3968 | 0.05530 | 126 | 85 | 32 | 9 |
810 | My client cannot be your emotional support animal until he's financially supported. | 1.3961 | 0.05081 | 154 | 105 | 37 | 12 |
811 | If you want a divorce, he insists on going with your wife, | 1.3961 | 0.05081 | 154 | 105 | 37 | 12 |
812 | Come on, Sign. Sign, sign, siiiggn…come on be a good boy. | 1.3960 | 0.04932 | 149 | 99 | 41 | 9 |
813 | We've whittled the candidates to the two of you. As the final step, we need to see you both eat this homework. | 1.3960 | 0.05456 | 149 | 105 | 29 | 15 |
814 | We take our adoptions very seriously. | 1.3958 | 0.05506 | 144 | 101 | 29 | 14 |
815 | As your dog's legal representative, I must inform you that "Good Boy" is no longer sufficient. Henceforth, he shall be referred to as "Spike, the Best Dog in the Whole Wide World". | 1.3958 | 0.05046 | 144 | 96 | 39 | 9 |
816 | Whereas, my client agrees he was at one time man's best friend, it's now clear the relationship has taken a turn and it's best for all parties to accept the current reality. Or, said another way, 'Go fetch yourself.' | 1.3958 | 0.05680 | 144 | 103 | 25 | 16 |
817 | So, are you going to be OK reporting to a dog? | 1.3952 | 0.05022 | 167 | 116 | 36 | 15 |
818 | My client wants you to be constantly available. | 1.3952 | 0.05093 | 167 | 117 | 34 | 16 |
819 | Now we'll see who wants to be a good boy | 1.3951 | 0.05058 | 162 | 112 | 36 | 14 |
820 | Due to years of pretending to throw something during fetch and asking Toby where it went in a cute voice, my client would like full custody of his squeaker toy. | 1.3950 | 0.06111 | 119 | 84 | 23 | 12 |
821 | He's willing to forego his half of the Hampton's house in exchange for the rest of the wet food. | 1.3949 | 0.04930 | 157 | 106 | 40 | 11 |
822 | Once you sign, Rover will be officially awarded custody of your ex-wife. | 1.3947 | 0.05294 | 152 | 106 | 32 | 14 |
823 | He’s good with you getting the bed, but the couch and the corner chair are his! | 1.3946 | 0.04880 | 147 | 97 | 42 | 8 |
824 | Kiki wants all the dog houses,including Cape Cod. | 1.3944 | 0.04694 | 180 | 123 | 43 | 14 |
825 | My client Mr. Snurffles emphasizes that the belly rub clause is non-negotiable. | 1.3944 | 0.04943 | 142 | 96 | 37 | 9 |
826 | This contract gives her 70% of the profits from social media, merchandise, memes and personal appearances as a pet influencer. | 1.3944 | 0.05092 | 142 | 95 | 38 | 9 |
827 | A lifetime of devotion for food and walks -- I'd take it. | 1.3944 | 0.05285 | 142 | 97 | 34 | 11 |
828 | He'll take the doghouse, along with with dog biscuits for life. | 1.3939 | 0.05666 | 132 | 92 | 28 | 12 |
829 | Be thankful. You're getting a significantly better deal than the cat. | 1.3938 | 0.04783 | 160 | 107 | 43 | 10 |
830 | We don’t give bonuses but we do give lots of treats. | 1.3933 | 0.05085 | 150 | 102 | 37 | 11 |
831 | Ruffles has already marked all the territory she wants to keep in the divorce. | 1.3932 | 0.05816 | 117 | 80 | 28 | 9 |
832 | You will now be contractually obligated to be best friends. | 1.3931 | 0.04922 | 145 | 96 | 41 | 8 |
833 | If you sign Ruxton here on as 'Carne Dog Food' taster, one of you doesn't have to wear a tie ever again. | 1.3929 | 0.06387 | 112 | 80 | 20 | 12 |
834 | He claims you humped his leg first. | 1.3929 | 0.05335 | 140 | 96 | 33 | 11 |
835 | As part of mediation, Mr. Whiskers proposes that if you choose his sweaters, he gets to choose yours | 1.3926 | 0.05267 | 135 | 91 | 35 | 9 |
836 | ... and you stipulate that Bonkers is, in fact, a very good boy. | 1.3923 | 0.05514 | 130 | 89 | 31 | 10 |
837 | All standard stuff: Walks per day, supply of slippers to chew. | 1.3919 | 0.05131 | 148 | 101 | 36 | 11 |
838 | My client is asking the studio for twenty million upfront cash, twenty percent of the first-dollar gross, and of course no vacuum cleaners on set. | 1.3913 | 0.06012 | 115 | 80 | 25 | 10 |
839 | We also offer a 401 K9 plan... | 1.3909 | 0.06071 | 110 | 76 | 25 | 9 |
840 | My client thinks the time for talk about better kibble has passed. | 1.3906 | 0.05111 | 128 | 84 | 38 | 6 |
841 | I believe we can make this work, but my client would also like you to throw in the couch. | 1.3906 | 0.05572 | 128 | 88 | 30 | 10 |
842 | So, no contact during the separation phase...of course, you'll still need to pick up poop. | 1.3905 | 0.04830 | 169 | 121 | 32 | 16 |
843 | He claims you kept him on a pretty tight leash. | 1.3902 | 0.05244 | 123 | 81 | 36 | 6 |
844 | This is our best offer. Give it a sniff. | 1.3902 | 0.04184 | 123 | 81 | 39 | 3 |
845 | My client is suing on the grounds of emotional abuse and verbal harassment. Does the nickname “Mr. Poopy Butt” ring any bells? | 1.3901 | 0.05257 | 141 | 99 | 30 | 12 |
846 | We are willing to concede all demands for one thing: the cat has to go. | 1.3897 | 0.05441 | 136 | 94 | 31 | 11 |
847 | Sorry to start late. He had to circle his chair three times. | 1.3895 | 0.04697 | 172 | 117 | 43 | 12 |
848 | The 'no cats' clause is non-negotiable. | 1.3893 | 0.05372 | 131 | 89 | 33 | 9 |
849 | To conclude the interview, my colleague Rex here will sniff your butt. | 1.3893 | 0.05372 | 131 | 89 | 33 | 9 |
850 | Take it or leave it. My client's days of begging are over. | 1.3893 | 0.05372 | 131 | 89 | 33 | 9 |
851 | And then we come to the issue of snacks… | 1.3893 | 0.05013 | 149 | 101 | 38 | 10 |
852 | My client is generously offering you the leash, crate, and nail clippers. He asks only for the liver treats, squeaky ball, and ongoing use of the dog walker. | 1.3889 | 0.05517 | 126 | 86 | 31 | 9 |
853 | We just don't think you're a dog person. | 1.3889 | 0.05709 | 108 | 72 | 30 | 6 |
854 | This memorializes your agreement to relinquish all claims to alpha-dog status in exchange for a 30% reduction in unprovoked barking. | 1.3889 | 0.05036 | 144 | 97 | 38 | 9 |
855 | He said you have separation anxiety. | 1.3885 | 0.05356 | 139 | 96 | 32 | 11 |
856 | If you don't agree to her terms she's prepared to walk. | 1.3884 | 0.06140 | 121 | 87 | 21 | 13 |
857 | If you would, scratch and sniff here. | 1.3882 | 0.04949 | 170 | 119 | 36 | 15 |
858 | Under these terms of the divorce, he'll keep the sofa but you can have the cat. | 1.3882 | 0.04764 | 152 | 106 | 35 | 11 |
859 | Unfortunately,not being allowed on the couch IS grounds for divorce. | 1.3882 | 0.04944 | 152 | 103 | 39 | 10 |
860 | We'll hire you if you pass the sniff test. | 1.3881 | 0.05495 | 134 | 93 | 30 | 11 |
861 | She likes you a lot but she still wants you to sign a pre-puptual agreement. | 1.3881 | 0.05287 | 134 | 91 | 34 | 9 |
862 | And by signing here you acknowledge that Meatball does get your wife in the divorce. | 1.3878 | 0.05239 | 147 | 102 | 33 | 12 |
863 | He's claiming negligence as regards your abrupt return to the office. | 1.3876 | 0.05537 | 129 | 89 | 30 | 10 |
864 | He gets the cat every other weekend. | 1.3876 | 0.05537 | 129 | 89 | 30 | 10 |
865 | Mr. Fluffers wants to retain custody of his bowl, his house, and your favorite slippers. He says you can keep the tub if things remain civil. | 1.3875 | 0.05093 | 160 | 112 | 34 | 14 |
866 | My client proposes increasing fetch to three times each week and adding recliner privileges. | 1.3874 | 0.05456 | 111 | 73 | 33 | 5 |
867 | You're our first Emotional Support Human...Sign here! | 1.3874 | 0.05748 | 111 | 75 | 29 | 7 |
868 | Remember, she is no longer your best friend | 1.3873 | 0.04777 | 142 | 93 | 43 | 6 |
869 | It's either her or the cat. Your choice. Final offer. | 1.3871 | 0.05692 | 124 | 86 | 28 | 10 |
870 | As per the prenup, anything he peed on in the course of the relationship is his. | 1.3871 | 0.04877 | 155 | 105 | 40 | 10 |
871 | He gets to neuter you in the settlement | 1.3869 | 0.05408 | 137 | 95 | 31 | 11 |
872 | A hand print will do... | 1.3869 | 0.05603 | 137 | 97 | 27 | 13 |
873 | He's willing to take on your case pro bono. | 1.3868 | 0.06226 | 106 | 74 | 23 | 9 |
874 | He wants you to know it's him- not you | 1.3867 | 0.05333 | 150 | 106 | 30 | 14 |
875 | Max would like you to stop stealing his poop, and splitting his treats in half. | 1.3866 | 0.05612 | 119 | 81 | 30 | 8 |
876 | What will it be? Couples counseling or obedience school? | 1.3862 | 0.05196 | 145 | 100 | 34 | 11 |
877 | She wants the woof over your head too. | 1.3860 | 0.06293 | 114 | 82 | 20 | 12 |
878 | While I think you have great qualifications Rex has some further questions. | 1.3857 | 0.05227 | 140 | 96 | 34 | 10 |
879 | And for compensation, he'd like you to have your testicles removed. | 1.3857 | 0.05514 | 140 | 99 | 28 | 13 |
880 | Surely you agree that we need more diversity on the board. | 1.3857 | 0.05420 | 140 | 98 | 30 | 12 |
881 | This one addresses my client's slander lawsuit related to your long history of "dog ate it" allegations. | 1.3857 | 0.05027 | 140 | 94 | 38 | 8 |
882 | I’m glad your dog brought you comfort in quarantine and I enjoyed meeting him. However, you did not need to bring him to your interview. | 1.3852 | 0.05755 | 122 | 85 | 27 | 10 |
883 | You must agree that bitches be crazy. | 1.3852 | 0.05758 | 135 | 97 | 24 | 14 |
884 | My client requires written confirmation of who, in fact, is a good boy. | 1.3851 | 0.04750 | 161 | 109 | 42 | 10 |
885 | Fluffy wants a divorce unless you stop breaking the treats into smaller pieces. | 1.3846 | 0.05928 | 117 | 82 | 25 | 10 |
886 | Here are the terms of the divorce. The Vacuum cleaner goes, access to the toilet bowl remains. Walkies on demand. You are allowed to stay in the house, all dog food henceforward is canned. | 1.3846 | 0.05429 | 143 | 101 | 29 | 13 |
887 | He finds "Whose a good boy?" demeaning and power driven. | 1.3846 | 0.05244 | 143 | 99 | 33 | 11 |
888 | He also wants the beach house and joint custody of the small humans. | 1.3841 | 0.05304 | 151 | 107 | 30 | 14 |
889 | Unconditional loyalty only goes so far. Bringing home even a stray cat cannot be tolerated. | 1.3841 | 0.05847 | 138 | 101 | 21 | 16 |
890 | Buddy would like to keep your slippers. | 1.3841 | 0.05376 | 138 | 96 | 31 | 11 |
891 | Yes,but for her it was 28 years,which entitles her to more of the common property. | 1.3841 | 0.05277 | 138 | 95 | 33 | 10 |
892 | If you’ll refer to pawnote 2 on page 43…” | 1.3838 | 0.06042 | 99 | 67 | 26 | 6 |
893 | He will give up the house and car, but the tennis balls and pee carpet are non-negotiable. | 1.3838 | 0.06533 | 99 | 70 | 20 | 9 |
894 | This will end the pet and pet owner best friend relationship. | 1.3832 | 0.05734 | 107 | 72 | 29 | 6 |
895 | This will only take a minute. My client can’t stay long. | 1.3832 | 0.06034 | 107 | 74 | 25 | 8 |
896 | …and in exchange, you agree not to attempt to teach him any more new tricks. | 1.3831 | 0.04805 | 154 | 104 | 41 | 9 |
897 | My client insists you still haven't clarified your position on cats. | 1.3824 | 0.05119 | 136 | 92 | 36 | 8 |
898 | This is a codicil to the fifth paragraph concerning Rule 3 negating the need to come when called.” | 1.3822 | 0.04993 | 157 | 109 | 36 | 12 |
899 | Of course both of you want what’s best for the children. | 1.3821 | 0.05599 | 123 | 85 | 29 | 9 |
900 | We prize loyalty above all else. | 1.3819 | 0.05025 | 144 | 98 | 37 | 9 |
901 | He's very adept at sniffing out the best candidates. | 1.3817 | 0.05574 | 131 | 92 | 28 | 11 |
902 | You screwed the pooch. Now, the pooch is screwing you. | 1.3816 | 0.04845 | 152 | 103 | 40 | 9 |
903 | She's in charge, I'm just her secretary. | 1.3813 | 0.05043 | 139 | 94 | 37 | 8 |
904 | Question #1 for your interview: the leash breaks and you see a cat, a squirrel and a mailman. Which do you chase and why? | 1.3813 | 0.05721 | 139 | 101 | 23 | 15 |
905 | I'll advise you once more to get an actual lawyer. | 1.3810 | 0.05387 | 126 | 86 | 32 | 8 |
906 | She wants to know if you are too old to learn new tricks | 1.3810 | 0.05317 | 147 | 104 | 30 | 13 |
907 | My client wishes to inform you that he is no longer your best friend. | 1.3810 | 0.05958 | 105 | 72 | 26 | 7 |
908 | You can keep the dog house as you're already in it. | 1.3810 | 0.05504 | 126 | 87 | 30 | 9 |
909 | All we need now is your signature on the Pre-pup. | 1.3807 | 0.04750 | 176 | 125 | 36 | 15 |
910 | Doggie Divorce: All he wants is the front and backyards, the dog house, his bone and a few squeaky toys. | 1.3806 | 0.05167 | 134 | 91 | 35 | 8 |
911 | If it makes you feel any better, you were our second choice. | 1.3806 | 0.05585 | 134 | 95 | 27 | 12 |
912 | 500 words. What it means to be a best friend. Go. | 1.3806 | 0.05380 | 134 | 93 | 31 | 10 |
913 | As your attorney, I strong advise a flea bargain. | 1.3805 | 0.05939 | 113 | 79 | 25 | 9 |
914 | Four walks a day and he gets to sniff your crotch when no one else is home, final offer. | 1.3803 | 0.05357 | 142 | 100 | 30 | 12 |
915 | Just throw him a bone. | 1.3802 | 0.05898 | 121 | 86 | 24 | 11 |
916 | She wants you out of the house by Friday. And she wants to know where you keep the treats. | 1.3800 | 0.06159 | 100 | 69 | 24 | 7 |
917 | It’s a ‘pup-nup’. | 1.3798 | 0.05633 | 129 | 91 | 27 | 11 |
918 | Your best friend wants to be included in your will. | 1.3798 | 0.05300 | 129 | 88 | 33 | 8 |
919 | My client has retained me to rub your nose in this. | 1.3796 | 0.05592 | 137 | 98 | 26 | 13 |
920 | Could you at least throw us a bone? | 1.3796 | 0.04874 | 137 | 91 | 40 | 6 |
921 | My client would like you to have custody of the vacuum. | 1.3796 | 0.05495 | 137 | 97 | 28 | 12 |
922 | A generous offer, but my client is firm regarding his “good boy” status. | 1.3796 | 0.05495 | 137 | 97 | 28 | 12 |
923 | Sorry, we are looking for someone with more dog walking experience | 1.3793 | 0.04900 | 145 | 98 | 39 | 8 |
924 | She just wants the shoes | 1.3790 | 0.05443 | 124 | 85 | 31 | 8 |
925 | Sign here and then we can shake on it. | 1.3788 | 0.05217 | 132 | 90 | 34 | 8 |
926 | He’s working pro bone-o | 1.3788 | 0.05434 | 132 | 92 | 30 | 10 |
927 | He says you're not a good boy. | 1.3786 | 0.05313 | 140 | 98 | 31 | 11 |
928 | Here's this weeks Pro Bono case. | 1.3784 | 0.05110 | 148 | 103 | 34 | 11 |
929 | After discussing with my client, he seems willing to drop the suit if you agree to address him as a good boy. | 1.3782 | 0.04927 | 156 | 108 | 37 | 11 |
930 | A think we can all agree that snapping him to a zipline doesn't count as a walk. | 1.3782 | 0.05336 | 119 | 80 | 33 | 6 |
931 | Just sign here, sir, and you will be officially adopted. | 1.3782 | 0.05336 | 119 | 80 | 33 | 6 |
932 | This is a cease and desist order to stop throwing away his stick | 1.3780 | 0.05115 | 127 | 85 | 36 | 6 |
933 | Our new CEO seems to like your scent. You’re hired.” -Alison K. Burns; Salisbury, Massachusett | 1.3778 | 0.05243 | 135 | 93 | 33 | 9 |
934 | Mandatory: Five walks a day, shared bed at night, and steak for breakfast. The squeaky toy is optional. | 1.3774 | 0.04861 | 159 | 110 | 38 | 11 |
935 | Our opening offer is four walks and three treats per day with no baths for six months. | 1.3772 | 0.06279 | 114 | 83 | 19 | 12 |
936 | Who's the bitch now? | 1.3772 | 0.05896 | 114 | 80 | 25 | 9 |
937 | Rover from HR is here for emotional support. | 1.3770 | 0.05500 | 122 | 84 | 30 | 8 |
938 | Yes. Pet adoptions have become much more complicated. Did you bring your tax returns for the past 4 years? | 1.3770 | 0.05375 | 122 | 83 | 32 | 7 |
939 | My client has agreed to chase any and all thrown tennis balls but is no longer contractually obligated to bring them back. | 1.3769 | 0.05267 | 130 | 89 | 33 | 8 |
940 | This is your cease and desist notice to immediately stop using the vacuum. | 1.3769 | 0.05380 | 130 | 90 | 31 | 9 |
941 | It's in the best interest of the puppy. | 1.3768 | 0.04954 | 138 | 93 | 38 | 7 |
942 | We figured he was more personable than someone from HR. | 1.3768 | 0.05558 | 138 | 99 | 26 | 13 |
943 | Your 'best friend' defense does not negate my client's right to a living wage! | 1.3768 | 0.05265 | 138 | 96 | 32 | 10 |
944 | We all work like dogs here. | 1.3768 | 0.04565 | 138 | 97 | 33 | 8 |
945 | Once you sign, you can find a new best friend. | 1.3766 | 0.05299 | 154 | 111 | 28 | 15 |
946 | We’d like to know if you can learn new tricks. | 1.3762 | 0.05946 | 101 | 69 | 26 | 6 |
947 | It’s a dog eat man world. | 1.3761 | 0.05498 | 109 | 73 | 31 | 5 |
948 | Did’t you say Mr. Paddywack, Give the dog a loan? | 1.3760 | 0.05408 | 125 | 86 | 31 | 8 |
949 | Pay attention to the first three paragraphs. The rest is just doggerel. | 1.3759 | 0.04961 | 133 | 89 | 38 | 6 |
950 | Just as we promised, you are not being replaced by a machine. | 1.3759 | 0.05185 | 133 | 91 | 34 | 8 |
951 | You can have the house and everything else, he just wants that cat. | 1.3759 | 0.05377 | 141 | 100 | 29 | 12 |
952 | It’s your standard pre-puptial agreement. | 1.3758 | 0.05082 | 149 | 104 | 34 | 11 |
953 | He is willing to move forward with the adoption, this his list of demands starting with, and this is a deal killer, no neutering. | 1.3758 | 0.05224 | 157 | 113 | 29 | 15 |
954 | Where do you see yourself in 35 dog-years? | 1.3750 | 0.05320 | 128 | 88 | 32 | 8 |
955 | In return, my client gets full custody of the bed. | 1.3750 | 0.05320 | 128 | 88 | 32 | 8 |
956 | You can sleep in the bed on Wednesdays. | 1.3750 | 0.05517 | 136 | 97 | 27 | 12 |
957 | He helps us determine who's a good boy. | 1.3750 | 0.05925 | 120 | 86 | 23 | 11 |
958 | I advise you to toss him a bone. | 1.3741 | 0.05217 | 147 | 104 | 31 | 12 |
959 | If your caption is better than his we’ll enter it in this week’s contest. | 1.3741 | 0.05184 | 139 | 99 | 29 | 11 |
960 | Throw me a bone here. | 1.3741 | 0.05031 | 139 | 95 | 36 | 8 |
961 | He says if you don’t sign, things for you will be ruff. | 1.3740 | 0.05561 | 131 | 93 | 27 | 11 |
962 | Your separation anxiety has become a problem, and my client needs to let you go. He will agree to let you walk him every other weekend. | 1.3739 | 0.05235 | 115 | 79 | 30 | 6 |
963 | Just so I understand, if your dog pre-deceases you, you want your wife to be your beneficiary? | 1.3734 | 0.05642 | 158 | 120 | 17 | 21 |
964 | Longer walks, and unlimited toilet water access. | 1.3732 | 0.05530 | 142 | 103 | 25 | 14 |
965 | I hope you don't have any outdated attitudes about female executives. | 1.3732 | 0.05252 | 142 | 100 | 31 | 11 |
966 | Please sign under the statement, “There is only one best dog in the whole wide world.” | 1.3732 | 0.05156 | 142 | 99 | 33 | 10 |
967 | She's your supervisor, and if you call her a bitch again, you'll no longer be working for us. | 1.3732 | 0.05156 | 142 | 99 | 33 | 10 |
968 | You might call it a legal bone of contention.' | 1.3731 | 0.05154 | 134 | 92 | 34 | 8 |
969 | He'll do the baths if you can get rid of the cat. | 1.3730 | 0.05253 | 126 | 86 | 33 | 7 |
970 | It’s her pre-Pup agreement for you to sign. | 1.3729 | 0.05077 | 118 | 78 | 36 | 4 |
971 | My client has agreed to your proposal but with one stipulation; you wear the leash. | 1.3725 | 0.05154 | 153 | 109 | 31 | 13 |
972 | The dog has full custody if the apartment and your son. | 1.3725 | 0.05899 | 102 | 70 | 26 | 6 |
973 | You will stop the baby-talk and he will resume bringing your slippers. | 1.3723 | 0.05675 | 137 | 100 | 23 | 14 |
974 | My client would like you to take the lead. | 1.3723 | 0.05076 | 137 | 94 | 35 | 8 |
975 | My client wants you to know that you have also been a 'good boy' over the years, and he hopes there are no hard feelings, as it's just a business decision. | 1.3716 | 0.05276 | 148 | 106 | 29 | 13 |
976 | Just mark on the three yellow spots. | 1.3714 | 0.06240 | 105 | 75 | 21 | 9 |
977 | About the 401K-9. . . | 1.3711 | 0.05920 | 97 | 66 | 26 | 5 |
978 | Who's the good boy now? | 1.3711 | 0.06442 | 97 | 69 | 20 | 8 |
979 | She wants you to sign this pre-pup. | 1.3710 | 0.06110 | 124 | 92 | 18 | 14 |
980 | You can keep the vacuum cleaner, but he won't budge on the big stick in the backyard | 1.3710 | 0.05664 | 124 | 88 | 26 | 10 |
981 | My client's position is that you sit, stay and sign on the dotted line. | 1.3710 | 0.05428 | 124 | 86 | 30 | 8 |
982 | Scout here will shepard you through the onboarding process. | 1.3710 | 0.05779 | 124 | 89 | 24 | 11 |
983 | My client wishes you the best - and hopefully you will never cheat with that bitch again. | 1.3710 | 0.06110 | 124 | 92 | 18 | 14 |
984 | And this requires no fewer than sixteen per session. If your arm goes, you will be expected to procure a "ball-throwy-stick thing". | 1.3707 | 0.06187 | 116 | 85 | 19 | 12 |
985 | So there you have it . You are no longer Man and Best Friend | 1.3704 | 0.05437 | 135 | 96 | 28 | 11 |
986 | This stipulates that Max is the only acceptable answer to “Who’s a good boy?” | 1.3704 | 0.06113 | 108 | 77 | 22 | 9 |
987 | Going forward, any demands that my client roll over will have to be submitted through me. | 1.3704 | 0.05123 | 135 | 93 | 34 | 8 |
988 | Please lift a leg and leave your scent-mark in this area here | 1.3701 | 0.05788 | 127 | 92 | 23 | 12 |
989 | My client's lawsuit contends that you faked throwing his squeaky ball with malicious intent. | 1.3701 | 0.05679 | 127 | 91 | 25 | 11 |
990 | Sign below the paw print. | 1.3701 | 0.04848 | 127 | 84 | 39 | 4 |
991 | Here are your walking papers, you'll need a leash. | 1.3701 | 0.05788 | 127 | 92 | 23 | 12 |
992 | He’s suing you for defamation of character by calling him “Mr. Stinky.” | 1.3699 | 0.05052 | 146 | 102 | 34 | 10 |
993 | My client accepts that you keep the house and your wife, he gets the yard and tennis balls. | 1.3697 | 0.05451 | 119 | 82 | 30 | 7 |
994 | It's a court order to say "lie down," not "lay down." | 1.3697 | 0.05951 | 119 | 86 | 22 | 11 |
995 | My neutered client's demand is to be called a 'good it'. | 1.3696 | 0.05252 | 138 | 97 | 31 | 10 |
996 | Do you have any difficulty reporting to a dog? | 1.3696 | 0.05047 | 138 | 95 | 35 | 8 |
997 | ...and finally you always actually THROW the ball. | 1.3696 | 0.05352 | 138 | 98 | 29 | 11 |
998 | Be a good boy and sign it. | 1.3692 | 0.05253 | 130 | 90 | 32 | 8 |
999 | It’s our final offer. Compliant baths in exchange for an extra walk and 30 per cent more of the bed. | 1.3689 | 0.05843 | 122 | 88 | 23 | 11 |
1000 | You get the house, he gets the kids! | 1.3689 | 0.05484 | 122 | 85 | 29 | 8 |
1001 | Looks like you don't have a dog in this fight. | 1.3689 | 0.05100 | 122 | 82 | 35 | 5 |
1002 | We'd like to thank you for your service, Johnson, but Rover is much more popular with the clients. | 1.3684 | 0.05746 | 114 | 80 | 26 | 8 |
1003 | Perhaps it's time for you to review the Belly Rub clause. | 1.3684 | 0.05879 | 114 | 81 | 24 | 9 |
1004 | After you sign this paperwork, you will be out of the doghouse. | 1.3684 | 0.04999 | 152 | 107 | 34 | 11 |
1005 | She says you get to keep the doghouse. | 1.3684 | 0.05171 | 133 | 92 | 33 | 8 |
1006 | He wants you to sign off before he’ll shake. | 1.3684 | 0.05086 | 152 | 108 | 32 | 12 |
1007 | It's the standard pre-puptial agreement | 1.3684 | 0.05387 | 133 | 94 | 29 | 10 |
1008 | We have a very formal process... unfortunately our last dog walker owned several cats | 1.3684 | 0.05171 | 133 | 92 | 33 | 8 |
1009 | You get to visit the couch on weekends. | 1.3680 | 0.05148 | 125 | 85 | 34 | 6 |
1010 | She wants to know if you pet on the first date. | 1.3680 | 0.04891 | 125 | 83 | 38 | 4 |
1011 | This one says organic buffalo only | 1.3677 | 0.04146 | 155 | 108 | 40 | 7 |
1012 | I'm sorry, but he's found a new alpha. | 1.3675 | 0.05374 | 117 | 80 | 31 | 6 |
1013 | Oh yeah Mr 'works like a dog!', it turns out Rover over here has outperformed you in picking stocks for each of the last three months! | 1.3672 | 0.05750 | 128 | 93 | 23 | 12 |
1014 | My colleague here wants you to know that we take all kinds of diversity very seriously. | 1.3672 | 0.05305 | 128 | 89 | 31 | 8 |
1015 | In this dog-eat-dog world I'm afraid your companion has the leverage. | 1.3670 | 0.05779 | 109 | 76 | 26 | 7 |
1016 | And by your signature on this form, you are certifying that Spot is indeed a "good boy". | 1.3670 | 0.04991 | 109 | 71 | 36 | 2 |
1017 | Yes you have to sign the no biting clause. | 1.3670 | 0.05631 | 109 | 77 | 25 | 7 |
1018 | According to the nine-tenths rule, Sammy now owns your bed. | 1.3670 | 0.05631 | 109 | 75 | 28 | 6 |
1019 | He’s requesting the barkalounge and the giant plushie bear. | 1.3667 | 0.05149 | 120 | 81 | 34 | 5 |
1020 | In his will, he's leaving you the ball. | 1.3667 | 0.05909 | 120 | 87 | 22 | 11 |
1021 | He comes to work happy and I can scratch his head, that’s why he’s getting a promotion. | 1.3667 | 0.05043 | 150 | 106 | 33 | 11 |
1022 | My client says that two walks a day and a "Good boy" are now insufficient. He wants a new squeaky toy and stock options, too. | 1.3667 | 0.05667 | 120 | 85 | 26 | 9 |
1023 | We're quite confident the jury will agree my client is "a very good boy." | 1.3664 | 0.05220 | 131 | 91 | 32 | 8 |
1024 | My client doesn't care you didn't realise from the internet that he was a dog. | 1.3663 | 0.06089 | 101 | 71 | 23 | 7 |
1025 | Your failure to give my client a second breakfast has left him no choice but to sue. | 1.3662 | 0.05045 | 142 | 99 | 34 | 9 |
1026 | She says that you put her on a leash only to take your phone out for a walk instead. | 1.3661 | 0.05672 | 112 | 78 | 27 | 7 |
1027 | I don't care if Sparky's tail was wagging. Touching without consent gets you fired in this office. | 1.3661 | 0.05812 | 112 | 79 | 25 | 8 |
1028 | THE DOG WANTS INFORMATION ABOUT YOUR PEDIGREE. | 1.3659 | 0.05509 | 123 | 91 | 21 | 11 |
1029 | Your ex has offered him the Queen bedroom , he wants to know what you will offer. | 1.3659 | 0.05803 | 123 | 89 | 23 | 11 |
1030 | Legally speaking, my client has no bone to pick with you but he does want the dog house. | 1.3656 | 0.05879 | 93 | 63 | 26 | 4 |
1031 | That's what you get for signing a "Power of Attorney". The dog is your master now. | 1.3652 | 0.05837 | 115 | 82 | 24 | 9 |
1032 | It's done. You are no longer best friends. | 1.3652 | 0.05569 | 115 | 80 | 28 | 7 |
1033 | My client is willing to let you visit the pups on alternate thursdays. | 1.3652 | 0.05569 | 115 | 80 | 28 | 7 |
1034 | Just sign here and we'll call off the dogs. | 1.3652 | 0.05837 | 115 | 82 | 24 | 9 |
1035 | The company rewards loyalty. Our colleague here can testify to that. | 1.3652 | 0.05704 | 115 | 81 | 26 | 8 |
1036 | And lastly, my client retains the right to any bones found on the property. | 1.3651 | 0.05357 | 126 | 90 | 27 | 9 |
1037 | My client is seeking damages for mental distress caused by what he refers to as multiple“tennis ball throw fake-outs.” | 1.3650 | 0.05371 | 137 | 98 | 28 | 11 |
1038 | It is fair. Don't forget that You have opposable thumbs. | 1.3650 | 0.05371 | 137 | 98 | 28 | 11 |
1039 | He's convinced obedience school is the best option for you. | 1.3645 | 0.05376 | 107 | 72 | 31 | 4 |
1040 | This agreement not to spay was prepared by Pinscher, Schnauzer and Katz, Attorneys at Paw. | 1.3645 | 0.05695 | 107 | 74 | 27 | 6 |
1041 | And you get to keep the cats. | 1.3644 | 0.05337 | 118 | 81 | 31 | 6 |
1042 | Sorry but Fido is just not that into you anymore. | 1.3644 | 0.05200 | 118 | 80 | 33 | 5 |
1043 | Sure. He's my attorney. Why did you ask? | 1.3644 | 0.05730 | 118 | 84 | 25 | 9 |
1044 | My client is offering the collar, the leash and the entirety of the chew toy collection, but the house is non-negotiable. | 1.3643 | 0.05190 | 140 | 99 | 31 | 10 |
1045 | I think you'll find his offer both excitable and remarkably short-sighted. | 1.3642 | 0.05088 | 162 | 118 | 29 | 15 |
1046 | Sign to resign as his Fidociary. | 1.3636 | 0.05512 | 132 | 95 | 26 | 11 |
1047 | No more boy, good boy, or Mr. Barker. He really just wants you to pick a name and stick with it. | 1.3636 | 0.05209 | 143 | 102 | 30 | 11 |
1048 | He scored higher on loyalty, so we’re going with him… | 1.3636 | 0.05868 | 121 | 88 | 22 | 11 |
1049 | The demand is reasonable - four walks a day and and table scraps after holiday meals. | 1.3636 | 0.04597 | 132 | 87 | 42 | 3 |
1050 | Hopefully no hard feelings. Man's best friend here met a french poodle on the other side of town that made him an offer he couldn't refuse. | 1.3636 | 0.05249 | 121 | 83 | 32 | 6 |
1051 | Sorry if the pages are a bit dog-eared | 1.3636 | 0.05736 | 110 | 77 | 26 | 7 |
1052 | Sign here to give him his walking papers. | 1.3636 | 0.06168 | 99 | 70 | 22 | 7 |
1053 | Fido will adopt you if you sign the contract including unlimited treats,multiple daily walks and his sleeping in your bed. | 1.3636 | 0.05998 | 99 | 69 | 24 | 6 |
1054 | If you are determined to continue to work from home,these are our terms | 1.3636 | 0.05076 | 132 | 91 | 34 | 7 |
1055 | Actually, my client claims that you pooped in his yard! | 1.3636 | 0.05512 | 132 | 95 | 26 | 11 |
1056 | We're now down to Ralph's final, non-negotiable demand, the exchange of houses. | 1.3636 | 0.05298 | 132 | 93 | 30 | 9 |
1057 | We've covered walks and food. Now we must deal with favorite chairs and TV shows. | 1.3630 | 0.05132 | 146 | 104 | 31 | 11 |
1058 | Take my advice and sign. My client isn’t afraid to play ruff. | 1.3630 | 0.05216 | 135 | 95 | 31 | 9 |
1059 | It just certifies Gus as a good boy. A very good boy. | 1.3629 | 0.05532 | 124 | 88 | 27 | 9 |
1060 | We’re claiming breach of your pre-puptial agreement. | 1.3628 | 0.05905 | 113 | 81 | 23 | 9 |
1061 | I'm sorry we have to let you go. Our company is going to the dogs. | 1.3626 | 0.06540 | 91 | 65 | 19 | 7 |
1062 | The original agreement was that you would work from home. | 1.3624 | 0.04968 | 149 | 105 | 34 | 10 |
1063 | He's an asset hound. | 1.3623 | 0.05033 | 138 | 96 | 34 | 8 |
1064 | He chased your car, caught it, and now claims it is his. | 1.3623 | 0.05033 | 138 | 96 | 34 | 8 |
1065 | You’ll be required to stay in a crate overnight during any visits to joint property. | 1.3623 | 0.05437 | 138 | 100 | 26 | 12 |
1066 | I’m sorry but she left the entire estate to Frisky over here… | 1.3622 | 0.04958 | 127 | 86 | 36 | 5 |
1067 | This says your barking up the wrong tree | 1.3621 | 0.05923 | 116 | 84 | 22 | 10 |
1068 | My client demands the right to no longer be a good boy. | 1.3621 | 0.05923 | 116 | 84 | 22 | 10 |
1069 | Don't ask him to beg. | 1.3615 | 0.05123 | 130 | 90 | 33 | 7 |
1070 | Sorry, Skippy’s scores are higher. | 1.3613 | 0.05434 | 119 | 83 | 29 | 7 |
1071 | How are you at fetching? | 1.3609 | 0.05156 | 133 | 93 | 32 | 8 |
1072 | My client states that on November 3rd you caused him to erroneously believe you'd thrown a ball. | 1.3609 | 0.05373 | 133 | 95 | 28 | 10 |
1073 | He wants you to keep the leash. | 1.3609 | 0.05156 | 133 | 93 | 32 | 8 |
1074 | It’s her prepuptial agreement. | 1.3607 | 0.05468 | 122 | 86 | 28 | 8 |
1075 | Accept his final offer if you want to keep the cat. | 1.3607 | 0.05468 | 122 | 86 | 28 | 8 |
1076 | Sorry Jenkins, you didn't pass the sniff test. | 1.3605 | 0.05194 | 147 | 106 | 29 | 12 |
1077 | My client has a bone to pick with you, Mr. Wickham | 1.3605 | 0.06280 | 86 | 62 | 18 | 6 |
1078 | His final offer is to give you the doghouse and visitation rights to the cat. | 1.3604 | 0.05836 | 111 | 79 | 24 | 8 |
1079 | He’s become accustomed to a certain lifestyle. | 1.3603 | 0.05490 | 136 | 99 | 25 | 12 |
1080 | Then it's agreed. Duke gets the dog house and the chew toys, and you get the vacuum cleaner and the cat. | 1.3602 | 0.05179 | 161 | 119 | 26 | 16 |
1081 | We've been digging up a lot of dirt on you. | 1.3600 | 0.05949 | 100 | 70 | 24 | 6 |
1082 | It’s a Pre-Pup. | 1.3600 | 0.05131 | 125 | 86 | 33 | 6 |
1083 | She wants full custody of the tennis ball. | 1.3600 | 0.05131 | 125 | 86 | 33 | 6 |
1084 | I'm sorry. He prefers someone who smells more like bacon. | 1.3597 | 0.05003 | 139 | 97 | 34 | 8 |
1085 | Rover wants the SUV | 1.3597 | 0.05055 | 139 | 100 | 29 | 10 |
1086 | The terms are fair since you were the one who introduced my client to her dog walker. | 1.3596 | 0.05727 | 114 | 81 | 25 | 8 |
1087 | He wants you to know,he knows where the bones are buried. | 1.3596 | 0.05861 | 114 | 82 | 23 | 9 |
1088 | You can have the crate. She would like the master bed. | 1.3596 | 0.05992 | 114 | 83 | 21 | 10 |
1089 | Are you a good boy? Are you? | 1.3596 | 0.06636 | 89 | 64 | 18 | 7 |
1090 | Snowball has many cash offers on the dog house. Would you consider waving the inspection? | 1.3594 | 0.05404 | 128 | 91 | 28 | 9 |
1091 | You can have the house, but we get full custody of the yard. | 1.3592 | 0.05664 | 103 | 71 | 27 | 5 |
1092 | She wants to be emancipated. | 1.3592 | 0.04931 | 142 | 99 | 35 | 8 |
1093 | He's not willing to give up the beach house, but you can have the car | 1.3590 | 0.05355 | 117 | 81 | 30 | 6 |
1094 | Bad Boy. Sit. Sign. | 1.3590 | 0.05624 | 117 | 83 | 26 | 8 |
1095 | You'll both have 10 minutes to complete the test. | 1.3588 | 0.05533 | 131 | 95 | 25 | 11 |
1096 | My client has provided ample evidence showing he is in fact a good boy. He will be seeking damages for all utterances of “bad dog” and requires compensation in form of extra belly rubs. | 1.3587 | 0.05902 | 92 | 63 | 25 | 4 |
1097 | The cat must remain at least 25ft away at all times | 1.3586 | 0.05332 | 145 | 106 | 26 | 13 |
1098 | We’re through playing games. | 1.3583 | 0.05650 | 120 | 86 | 25 | 9 |
1099 | I'm sorry, but Rusty's decided our firm will be his new best friend from here on out. | 1.3583 | 0.05650 | 120 | 86 | 25 | 9 |
1100 | No more comments comparing his bark to his bite and he agrees to play fetch the ball twice a week | 1.3583 | 0.04850 | 120 | 80 | 37 | 3 |
1101 | Oh, that's Darla, my emotional support animal. She helps with the crushing guilt from fleecing nice people like yourself. | 1.3582 | 0.05443 | 134 | 97 | 26 | 11 |
1102 | As per the pre-pup agreement with my client, they are entitled to daily park visitation rights upon moving to the city. | 1.3582 | 0.05125 | 134 | 94 | 32 | 8 |
1103 | This is the number of treats it will take for him to be a good boy | 1.3582 | 0.05125 | 134 | 94 | 32 | 8 |
1104 | Face it, either take down the videos or start paying royalties. | 1.3579 | 0.06155 | 95 | 67 | 22 | 6 |
1105 | He’s tired of learning new tricks | 1.3578 | 0.05905 | 109 | 78 | 23 | 8 |
1106 | My client has decided to drop the forced neutering charge if you agree to sign off on two walks a day. | 1.3578 | 0.05610 | 109 | 76 | 27 | 6 |
1107 | Just think next time you pretend throw a ball, okay? | 1.3578 | 0.05610 | 109 | 76 | 27 | 6 |
1108 | … And as man’s best friend, he is entitled to palimony. | 1.3577 | 0.05787 | 123 | 90 | 22 | 11 |
1109 | Mr. Johnson, when you read this affidavit, you'll clearly see that it is in fact my client who is, beyond any question, a "good boy." | 1.3577 | 0.05787 | 123 | 90 | 22 | 11 |
1110 | My client has filed this court order that you cease immediately blaming your flatulence on “the dog”. | 1.3571 | 0.05341 | 126 | 89 | 29 | 8 |
1111 | We’re asking for full custody of the cat. | 1.3571 | 0.04763 | 140 | 96 | 38 | 6 |
1112 | Under the terms of the buyout, he will stay on until his replacement is trained. | 1.3571 | 0.05793 | 112 | 80 | 24 | 8 |
1113 | My client demands access to the whole bed, not just the foot. | 1.3571 | 0.05459 | 126 | 90 | 27 | 9 |
1114 | We expect you to work like a dog. Any questions? | 1.3571 | 0.07114 | 84 | 62 | 14 | 8 |
1115 | My client alleges that you've been coming home smelling like other dogs. | 1.3571 | 0.06024 | 98 | 69 | 23 | 6 |
1116 | ‘“She demands custody of your old brown shoe.” | 1.3571 | 0.05797 | 126 | 93 | 21 | 12 |
1117 | Throw me a bone, Dan. | 1.3571 | 0.06024 | 98 | 69 | 23 | 6 |
1118 | He wants to keep the kids and the beach house. | 1.3566 | 0.05138 | 129 | 90 | 32 | 7 |
1119 | It's not everything. She's willing to throw you a bone. | 1.3565 | 0.05818 | 115 | 83 | 23 | 9 |
1120 | To be clear, Mr. Smith, you are not to call, to text or to communicate with Sparky. | 1.3565 | 0.05818 | 115 | 83 | 23 | 9 |
1121 | My client wishes to renegotiate the terms of his leash. | 1.3561 | 0.05283 | 132 | 94 | 29 | 9 |
1122 | It's time for you to roll over. | 1.3561 | 0.05498 | 132 | 96 | 25 | 11 |
1123 | She's filing for a new owner as you insist on calling her a bitch... | 1.3559 | 0.05318 | 118 | 82 | 30 | 6 |
1124 | You bring the baggies, he will do the rest. | 1.3557 | 0.05135 | 149 | 108 | 29 | 12 |
1125 | My client claims you're the whistleblower. | 1.3556 | 0.06183 | 90 | 63 | 22 | 5 |
1126 | Sir, The PreNup clearly gives her Custody of the Puppies. | 1.3554 | 0.06195 | 121 | 92 | 15 | 14 |
1127 | Agreed, Snickers will keep the frisbee, all chewy toys, anything buried in the backyard with visitation rights to the kids every other weekend. | 1.3554 | 0.05230 | 121 | 84 | 31 | 6 |
1128 | Our #1 criteria for hiring new staff is that they be a Good Boy. | 1.3551 | 0.05516 | 107 | 74 | 28 | 5 |
1129 | He will continue to fetch however you must agree not to dress my client in silly jackets. | 1.3551 | 0.05827 | 107 | 76 | 24 | 7 |
1130 | Sign and date in dog years, please. | 1.3551 | 0.05018 | 138 | 97 | 33 | 8 |
1131 | In exchange for always being glad to see you, you agree to three thirty-minute walks per day and June in the Hamptons. | 1.3551 | 0.05224 | 138 | 99 | 29 | 10 |
1132 | And she promises to not chew on any more of your shoes, if you take her to the dog park twice a week. | 1.3551 | 0.05122 | 138 | 98 | 31 | 9 |
1133 | As you're his sole heir he's leaving you the the fenced yard, the dog house and any residual kibbles. The cute dog walker gets the rest. | 1.3551 | 0.05122 | 138 | 98 | 31 | 9 |
1134 | Best friend or not, you're still being let go. | 1.3548 | 0.06047 | 93 | 65 | 23 | 5 |
1135 | Lastly, five minutes of belly rubs every other day and Charlie agrees to be your best friend forever. | 1.3548 | 0.04734 | 155 | 109 | 37 | 9 |
1136 | And please initial here indicating your agreement to play 'fetch', as defined in subparagraph (f), at least three times each week, regardless of weather. | 1.3548 | 0.05272 | 124 | 87 | 30 | 7 |
1137 | I am his attorney, but Rex ipsa loquitor. | 1.3545 | 0.05568 | 110 | 77 | 27 | 6 |
1138 | Of course you'll keep one of each shoe. | 1.3543 | 0.05306 | 127 | 90 | 29 | 8 |
1139 | My client refuses to be muzzled ! | 1.3543 | 0.04940 | 127 | 87 | 35 | 5 |
1140 | A dog can instinctively tell when you're lying. Unless you're a cat. | 1.3542 | 0.05920 | 96 | 67 | 24 | 5 |
1141 | So, Mr. Ruffles has chosen his side in the divorce... | 1.3542 | 0.04875 | 144 | 101 | 35 | 8 |
1142 | If you don't take this deal, my client is prepared to W.A.L.K. | 1.3542 | 0.06279 | 96 | 69 | 20 | 7 |
1143 | You’ve won custody of the cat” | 1.3540 | 0.05611 | 113 | 80 | 26 | 7 |
1144 | These are your barking orders. | 1.3540 | 0.05468 | 113 | 79 | 28 | 6 |
1145 | If we tell you the answer to "who's a good boy?" will you sign it? | 1.3538 | 0.05335 | 130 | 93 | 28 | 9 |
1146 | My client wants me to inform you that now it’s your turn to roll over. | 1.3535 | 0.05974 | 99 | 70 | 23 | 6 |
1147 | The genetic test says you are not my client's biological father. What terms will you meet for him to continue greeting you at the door? | 1.3535 | 0.05974 | 99 | 70 | 23 | 6 |
1148 | You keep the kennel. He gets the house. | 1.3534 | 0.05645 | 116 | 83 | 25 | 8 |
1149 | Your dog has left you everything in his will. He hopes you'll do the same. | 1.3534 | 0.05645 | 116 | 83 | 25 | 8 |
1150 | You can still be friends. | 1.3534 | 0.04914 | 133 | 92 | 35 | 6 |
1151 | You can work from home Bob, but Barkley will stay with us in the office from now on | 1.3534 | 0.05668 | 133 | 99 | 21 | 13 |
1152 | Sorry,but Muffy trends better for us.... | 1.3533 | 0.04451 | 150 | 107 | 35 | 8 |
1153 | I’m sorry, Roger. We’ve decided that you’re not a good boy. | 1.3529 | 0.05545 | 119 | 85 | 26 | 8 |
1154 | We are willing to offer you full and free title to the doghouse as long as you continue living there full time. | 1.3529 | 0.05282 | 119 | 83 | 30 | 6 |
1155 | Yes in actuality, it is a dog eat dog world. | 1.3529 | 0.05545 | 119 | 85 | 26 | 8 |
1156 | You can keep the house, Mr. Rumples just wants the backyard. | 1.3529 | 0.05169 | 136 | 97 | 30 | 9 |
1157 | This last one just states you'll stop picking up his poop. He finds it weird. | 1.3529 | 0.05545 | 119 | 85 | 26 | 8 |
1158 | This temporary restraining order prohibits you for walking in two specific parks with that other dog that has come into your life. | 1.3529 | 0.05545 | 119 | 85 | 26 | 8 |
1159 | She accuses you of sleeping with another dog. | 1.3529 | 0.06331 | 102 | 75 | 18 | 9 |
1160 | You agree to three walks a day and no cats | 1.3525 | 0.05092 | 139 | 99 | 31 | 9 |
1161 | You must also agree that he will be the top dog... | 1.3525 | 0.06039 | 122 | 92 | 17 | 13 |
1162 | This contract stipulates you will be HIS best friend. | 1.3524 | 0.05577 | 105 | 73 | 27 | 5 |
1163 | It is now established who is a good boy. Are YOU a good man? | 1.3524 | 0.05896 | 105 | 75 | 23 | 7 |
1164 | Just dip your hand in the ink and press it here. | 1.3523 | 0.06672 | 88 | 64 | 17 | 7 |
1165 | You can keep the doghouse, Mr. Rex just want's the condo in Boca and the Eames chairs | 1.3520 | 0.05112 | 125 | 87 | 32 | 6 |
1166 | She'll settle if you throw in a bone. | 1.3520 | 0.05359 | 125 | 89 | 28 | 8 |
1167 | You get the doghouse. | 1.3519 | 0.05782 | 108 | 77 | 24 | 7 |
1168 | Drool here, here and here. | 1.3519 | 0.06074 | 108 | 79 | 20 | 9 |
1169 | And my client wants all of the cat’s play toys as well. | 1.3519 | 0.04990 | 162 | 119 | 29 | 14 |
1170 | I'm sorry, but my client has a new best friend. | 1.3516 | 0.06127 | 91 | 64 | 22 | 5 |
1171 | He’d like joint custody of the newspaper. | 1.3516 | 0.04909 | 128 | 88 | 35 | 5 |
1172 | As your dog's attorney, I'm letting you know we are no longer in favor of neutering. | 1.3516 | 0.05272 | 128 | 91 | 29 | 8 |
1173 | Sign here, and you agree to full couch privileges, and my client will agree to leave all slippers intact.” | 1.3516 | 0.05154 | 128 | 90 | 31 | 7 |
1174 | He says he wants the house ,but you can have full custody of the cat. | 1.3516 | 0.05500 | 128 | 93 | 25 | 10 |
1175 | There are some photos of you and a Golden Retriever in this folder. He wants an explanation. | 1.3514 | 0.05673 | 111 | 79 | 25 | 7 |
1176 | Your job is to feed and walk the dog so he can continue to creatively market for us. | 1.3514 | 0.05673 | 111 | 79 | 25 | 7 |
1177 | The cat betrayal was too much, though he offers to remain your “good” friend. | 1.3511 | 0.05801 | 94 | 65 | 25 | 4 |
1178 | It's quite simple Mr. Gordon, either the Cat goes or my client goes. | 1.3509 | 0.05284 | 114 | 79 | 30 | 5 |
1179 | How does a dog even hire an attorney? Well if you must know, he paid me in Dogecoin. | 1.3507 | 0.05428 | 134 | 98 | 25 | 11 |
1180 | And here you agree all clothing decisions - including but not limited to sweaters, hats, raingear and especially Halloween costumes - will be arrived at mutually. | 1.3505 | 0.05870 | 97 | 68 | 24 | 5 |
1181 | As you can see, my client is a very good “man” and hasn’t been a “boy” for over 2 years | 1.3500 | 0.05573 | 100 | 69 | 27 | 4 |
1182 | because it was supposed to be a dog and PONY show! | 1.3500 | 0.05507 | 120 | 86 | 26 | 8 |
1183 | My client is prepared to shake on this. | 1.3500 | 0.06093 | 100 | 72 | 21 | 7 |
1184 | You have to remember this extension is in dog years. | 1.3500 | 0.05507 | 120 | 86 | 26 | 8 |
1185 | We're proposing an even split of all squeaking toys. | 1.3500 | 0.05925 | 100 | 71 | 23 | 6 |
1186 | My client is unleashing his demands. | 1.3500 | 0.05246 | 120 | 84 | 30 | 6 |
1187 | My client requests daily access to the northeast portion of the lawn. | 1.3496 | 0.05413 | 123 | 88 | 27 | 8 |
1188 | My client is demanding half your assets and visitation rights to the upstairs toilet bowl. | 1.3495 | 0.05468 | 103 | 71 | 28 | 4 |
1189 | I'd advise you to settle this out of court before you're left sleeping in the dog house. | 1.3495 | 0.06279 | 103 | 76 | 18 | 9 |
1190 | He says your offer doesn't pass the sniff test. | 1.3494 | 0.06734 | 83 | 60 | 17 | 6 |
1191 | He wants you to sign this non-disclosure in regards to the 'leg-hug' incident earlier. | 1.3493 | 0.05012 | 146 | 105 | 31 | 10 |
1192 | Before we get started, can I get you some coffee? Some treats? | 1.3492 | 0.05203 | 126 | 89 | 30 | 7 |
1193 | .....and finally, she wants to swap houses | 1.3491 | 0.06001 | 106 | 77 | 21 | 8 |
1194 | At least throw him a bone. | 1.3488 | 0.05121 | 129 | 91 | 31 | 7 |
1195 | He hired me because he has a bone to pick. | 1.3488 | 0.05238 | 129 | 92 | 29 | 8 |
1196 | In exchange for you paying obedience school tuition, vet bills and kibble costs my client agrees to allow weekly visitation rights with the pups. | 1.3488 | 0.05352 | 129 | 93 | 27 | 9 |
1197 | My client is offering to stay off the couch in exchange for you throwing away the can of coins. I think it's a fair compromise. | 1.3488 | 0.04481 | 172 | 122 | 40 | 10 |
1198 | As assistant to the CEO, your primary responsibility will be to obey his commands." | 1.3487 | 0.04874 | 152 | 111 | 30 | 11 |
1199 | My client seeks an amicable separation. So, still friend, just not ‘best’ friend. | 1.3486 | 0.05433 | 109 | 76 | 28 | 5 |
1200 | Have you ever worked for a bitch before? | 1.3486 | 0.06026 | 109 | 80 | 20 | 9 |
1201 | He proposes at least two walks a day and three on Sunday. | 1.3486 | 0.05587 | 109 | 77 | 26 | 6 |
1202 | Most people aren't familiar with our pro bono work. | 1.3485 | 0.05482 | 132 | 97 | 24 | 11 |
1203 | Regretably, the humililation of the Halloween costume was the last straw. | 1.3483 | 0.06210 | 89 | 63 | 21 | 5 |
1204 | Fluffy wants the house but is willing to throw you a bone. | 1.3482 | 0.05772 | 112 | 81 | 23 | 8 |
1205 | Let's see who's in the doghouse now. | 1.3482 | 0.05185 | 112 | 77 | 31 | 4 |
1206 | Paw prints on the dotted line please. | 1.3482 | 0.05412 | 112 | 81 | 24 | 7 |
1207 | She's willing to give you the doghouse, but she wants the car. | 1.3482 | 0.05185 | 112 | 77 | 31 | 4 |
1208 | No. The dog represents me. | 1.3482 | 0.05910 | 112 | 82 | 21 | 9 |
1209 | As your lawyer it's my obligation to tell you that puppy love comes with serious obligations. | 1.3481 | 0.04740 | 135 | 93 | 37 | 5 |
1210 | I know it's hard for you, but he's of age now and wants his emancipation. | 1.3481 | 0.04483 | 158 | 113 | 37 | 8 |
1211 | My client has asked that you never, in perpetuity, fake throw the tennis ball again. | 1.3478 | 0.06266 | 92 | 66 | 20 | 6 |
1212 | My client says, "Nick nack paddy whack Give a dog a bone -- or else!" | 1.3478 | 0.05530 | 115 | 82 | 26 | 7 |
1213 | This is a Temporary Restraining Order preventing you from spaying my client, dressing her in holiday costumes or balancing treats on her nose until these issues are fully litigated. | 1.3478 | 0.04786 | 138 | 96 | 36 | 6 |
1214 | Ms. Fido requires this pre-Best Friend agreement, or the adoption is off. | 1.3478 | 0.05390 | 115 | 81 | 28 | 6 |
1215 | You're being sued for misrepresentation of the word 'fixed.' | 1.3478 | 0.06181 | 115 | 87 | 16 | 12 |
1216 | You ate the meat around that bone, didn't you? | 1.3478 | 0.06056 | 115 | 86 | 18 | 11 |
1217 | My client is seeking a new human due to your inadequate belly rubs. | 1.3478 | 0.04949 | 138 | 100 | 29 | 9 |
1218 | You can keep the house, he just wants the couch. | 1.3475 | 0.04720 | 141 | 98 | 37 | 6 |
1219 | Oh him? He's just an intern. He'll fetch whatever we need | 1.3475 | 0.05031 | 141 | 101 | 31 | 9 |
1220 | My client reminds you that he is a good boy. | 1.3475 | 0.05943 | 118 | 88 | 19 | 11 |
1221 | It's called a PrePup. My client insists you sign before any bow-wows. | 1.3475 | 0.05160 | 118 | 82 | 31 | 5 |
1222 | Before we begin negotiations, you must sign the 'No Walkies, No Talkies" agreement. | 1.3475 | 0.04564 | 118 | 83 | 31 | 4 |
1223 | Well Rover can only hire one of us and you did not even wear a suit and tie to the interview. | 1.3474 | 0.06483 | 95 | 70 | 17 | 8 |
1224 | She's suing the cat. | 1.3474 | 0.06820 | 95 | 72 | 13 | 10 |
1225 | I’m his lawyer pro bono. | 1.3474 | 0.05943 | 95 | 67 | 23 | 5 |
1226 | She wants the leash, the bowl, run of the yard and full custody of the puppies. And, believe me, she will NOT roll over! | 1.3472 | 0.05151 | 144 | 105 | 28 | 11 |
1227 | He needs you to testify at his trial that he really is a good dog, yes he is. | 1.3471 | 0.05715 | 121 | 89 | 22 | 10 |
1228 | This is your promise not to dress him in people clothes and his agreement not to poop on your bed. | 1.3469 | 0.06503 | 98 | 73 | 16 | 9 |
1229 | Oh he? The other guy had to work from home so George is covering for him. | 1.3468 | 0.04864 | 124 | 90 | 27 | 7 |
1230 | Sorry, but my client only sees things in black and white. | 1.3468 | 0.05615 | 124 | 91 | 23 | 10 |
1231 | He prefers the country home | 1.3468 | 0.05315 | 124 | 91 | 24 | 9 |
1232 | It says you don't own him; you're just leashing him. | 1.3465 | 0.06204 | 101 | 74 | 19 | 8 |
1233 | But the wording is clear .. you will be fed and walked until you die but Brewster gets the house and the car. | 1.3465 | 0.05520 | 127 | 93 | 24 | 10 |
1234 | This NDA ensures neither of you can talk | 1.3465 | 0.05632 | 127 | 94 | 22 | 11 |
1235 | What my client is saying is that the usual forms of gaining your attention- the early morning barking, vomiting on or near bedding and chewing of favorite shoes just wasn't working anymore. He had no choice but to seek outside legal representation. | 1.3465 | 0.05289 | 127 | 91 | 28 | 8 |
1236 | She's gone on the papers now you go on the papers and we'll be done. | 1.3464 | 0.04666 | 153 | 108 | 37 | 8 |
1237 | Sorry, but you may have heard that every dog has his day. | 1.3462 | 0.05426 | 104 | 72 | 28 | 4 |
1238 | You'll be hired if you can pass our Loyalty and Obedience Test. | 1.3459 | 0.05124 | 133 | 95 | 30 | 8 |
1239 | Buddy has been working here 4 dog years, that's 28 human years. As he is our most senior employee, he will be conducting your interview. | 1.3459 | 0.05342 | 133 | 97 | 26 | 10 |
1240 | You're licked. | 1.3458 | 0.05650 | 107 | 76 | 25 | 6 |
1241 | Fido is willing to settle this suit, but he wants his balls back. | 1.3458 | 0.05804 | 107 | 77 | 23 | 7 |
1242 | She's my comfort dog. I don't like heights. | 1.3458 | 0.05804 | 107 | 77 | 23 | 7 |
1243 | Your loyalty profile didn't quite make the cut, I'm afraid. | 1.3457 | 0.06373 | 81 | 57 | 20 | 4 |
1244 | He feels your purchase of a cat nullifies his obligation to be your best friend but hopes you'll always consider him a "good boy". | 1.3455 | 0.05839 | 110 | 80 | 22 | 8 |
1245 | Lastly, sign this page, that you agree to be neutered. | 1.3453 | 0.05178 | 139 | 101 | 28 | 10 |
1246 | He says to tell you that you said “sit” not “stay”. | 1.3451 | 0.05446 | 113 | 80 | 27 | 6 |
1247 | You'll want to sign these papers before he goes on them. | 1.3451 | 0.05729 | 113 | 82 | 23 | 8 |
1248 | He's not a Therapy Dog. He needs a Therapy Person. | 1.3451 | 0.05729 | 113 | 82 | 23 | 8 |
1249 | And of course, he demands full custody of all the squeaky toys. | 1.3448 | 0.05885 | 116 | 86 | 20 | 10 |
1250 | Just because he's your support animal doesn't mean he can help you answer any of the questions | 1.3448 | 0.06135 | 116 | 88 | 16 | 12 |
1251 | As you can see, my client is tired of being walked all over. | 1.3448 | 0.05757 | 116 | 85 | 22 | 9 |
1252 | He wants joint custody of the slippers. | 1.3445 | 0.05395 | 119 | 85 | 27 | 7 |
1253 | And if you'd please sign where it says, 'Woof woof woof'...' | 1.3445 | 0.05653 | 119 | 87 | 23 | 9 |
1254 | My client will agree to stop barking, if you will agree to stop playing your violin" | 1.3444 | 0.06352 | 90 | 65 | 19 | 6 |
1255 | This would be a good time to sit, roll over, and beg. | 1.3444 | 0.07095 | 90 | 69 | 11 | 10 |
1256 | That's correct. Your job is to feed him,walk him and handle any accidents. Trust me,it is a promotion from marketing. | 1.3443 | 0.05431 | 122 | 88 | 26 | 8 |
1257 | This says that you'll be entitled to walks every other weekend. | 1.3443 | 0.05043 | 122 | 85 | 32 | 5 |
1258 | He said he identifies as your ex wife… | 1.3443 | 0.05431 | 122 | 88 | 26 | 8 |
1259 | You keep the leash and you can live in the dog house. | 1.3442 | 0.04641 | 154 | 109 | 37 | 8 |
1260 | New owner must execute two vigorous belly rubs and a scratch behind the ears each day. That's our final offer. | 1.3441 | 0.05821 | 93 | 65 | 24 | 4 |
1261 | For the adoption to proceed you must agree to these prohibitions on costuming and Tik Tok posts. | 1.3441 | 0.05821 | 93 | 65 | 24 | 4 |
1262 | This suit alledges that you, in fact, let the dogs out | 1.3441 | 0.06575 | 93 | 69 | 16 | 8 |
1263 | Now be a good boy. | 1.3438 | 0.05370 | 128 | 93 | 26 | 9 |
1264 | Fluffy’ s complaint is that he cannot appear overjoyed to see you given your decision to work from home. | 1.3438 | 0.05703 | 128 | 96 | 20 | 12 |
1265 | 'Fetch' is agreed to. 'Bring it back' is a non-starter. | 1.3438 | 0.05014 | 128 | 90 | 32 | 6 |
1266 | 'Fair' is half of all the tennis balls. | 1.3434 | 0.05209 | 99 | 67 | 30 | 2 |
1267 | This is how much my client demands for the fart blaming to continue. | 1.3434 | 0.06759 | 99 | 76 | 12 | 11 |
1268 | One final thing before we complete this paperwork. He needs to sniff your butt. | 1.3433 | 0.05412 | 134 | 99 | 24 | 11 |
1269 | And this document guarantees you'll be HIS best friend. | 1.3429 | 0.05714 | 105 | 75 | 24 | 6 |
1270 | Looks like the ball's in your court. | 1.3429 | 0.05552 | 105 | 74 | 26 | 5 |
1271 | And this one is for emotional distress brought on by your unconscionable decision to have his testicles removed. | 1.3429 | 0.04943 | 140 | 100 | 32 | 8 |
1272 | He wants the dog house, all bone rights and custody of the cat. | 1.3429 | 0.05046 | 140 | 101 | 30 | 9 |
1273 | My client asks that YOU be the good boy now and sign this. | 1.3429 | 0.06026 | 105 | 77 | 20 | 8 |
1274 | My client and I refuse to just roll over on this issue. | 1.3429 | 0.05714 | 105 | 75 | 24 | 6 |
1275 | Leave it. Leave it. | 1.3429 | 0.06026 | 105 | 77 | 20 | 8 |
1276 | My client deeply regrets the thanksgiving turkey incident. She is prepared to offer the location of a rotting squirrel to make amends. | 1.3421 | 0.05953 | 114 | 85 | 19 | 10 |
1277 | She's just tired of the everyday run around. | 1.3421 | 0.05822 | 114 | 84 | 21 | 9 |
1278 | He'd like you to sign this confidentiality agreement before he speaks. | 1.3421 | 0.05687 | 114 | 83 | 23 | 8 |
1279 | Sparky would like to settle over the 'incident' at the vet last Friday | 1.3419 | 0.05451 | 117 | 84 | 26 | 7 |
1280 | Fido feels that best friend was always aspirational. | 1.3419 | 0.05584 | 117 | 85 | 24 | 8 |
1281 | In the prepuptial, you'll find the standard no leash and organic protein clauses. | 1.3419 | 0.05584 | 117 | 85 | 24 | 8 |
1282 | We find your pedigree not quite up to par. | 1.3418 | 0.06951 | 79 | 58 | 15 | 6 |
1283 | The contract clearly stipulates there will not be any new tricks | 1.3417 | 0.05225 | 120 | 85 | 29 | 6 |
1284 | My client has a bone to pick with you. | 1.3415 | 0.05394 | 123 | 89 | 26 | 8 |
1285 | It's all just standard boilerplate stuff, of course, but it's all in dog years, so just be aware. | 1.3415 | 0.05394 | 123 | 89 | 26 | 8 |
1286 | He agrees in principle, but insists you take custody of the cat. | 1.3415 | 0.05141 | 123 | 87 | 30 | 6 |
1287 | He barks, I bite! | 1.3413 | 0.05060 | 126 | 89 | 31 | 6 |
1288 | Wise choice to have such a loyal friend witness these documents. | 1.3412 | 0.06600 | 85 | 62 | 17 | 6 |
1289 | Based on this information, it appears someone else at this table has been a ‘Bad, Bad Boy’ | 1.3411 | 0.05103 | 129 | 92 | 30 | 7 |
1290 | You know it turns out best if everyone is represented by counsel at these pre-adoption negotiations. | 1.3411 | 0.05220 | 129 | 93 | 28 | 8 |
1291 | ...and this form just affirms that Spot is a Good Dog. | 1.3409 | 0.05359 | 132 | 97 | 25 | 10 |
1292 | My client is willing to drop his "alienation of affection" lawsuit providing you agree to return the cat to its previous owner. | 1.3409 | 0.05025 | 132 | 94 | 31 | 7 |
1293 | Keep in mind this is still a ruff draft. | 1.3409 | 0.05250 | 132 | 96 | 27 | 9 |
1294 | He's had enough of Covid bonding. You've got to return to work or, at a minimum, find a date who'll get you out of the apartment. | 1.3409 | 0.05250 | 132 | 96 | 27 | 9 |
1295 | He gets the doghouse, his favorite blanket, and that original Eames chair that you’ve been refusing to let him chew, are we agreed? | 1.3409 | 0.06236 | 88 | 63 | 20 | 5 |
1296 | She'd like you to sign this pre-puptial agreement. | 1.3407 | 0.05274 | 135 | 99 | 26 | 10 |
1297 | We're sorry, but Scooter feels you're barking up the wrong tree. | 1.3407 | 0.05893 | 91 | 64 | 23 | 4 |
1298 | You may claim it's just vacuuming, but intentional infliction of emotional distress is a tort, Mr. Baker. | 1.3407 | 0.06294 | 91 | 66 | 19 | 6 |
1299 | In addition to the indoor bathroom, you must completely stop referring to her as a bitch. | 1.3406 | 0.04986 | 138 | 99 | 31 | 8 |
1300 | She wants the puppies or the proceeds from their sale. | 1.3406 | 0.05193 | 138 | 101 | 27 | 10 |
1301 | It’s a prenup. He gets to keep the tennis balls | 1.3406 | 0.05193 | 138 | 101 | 27 | 10 |
1302 | My client would like full custody of the cat | 1.3404 | 0.04914 | 141 | 101 | 32 | 8 |
1303 | Sam wants a personal essay: "How I feel about dogs". | 1.3404 | 0.06154 | 94 | 68 | 20 | 6 |
1304 | First condition, no more canine holiday antlers. | 1.3404 | 0.06688 | 94 | 71 | 14 | 9 |
1305 | According to the settlement you get to shake his hand and rub his belly every other weekend. | 1.3403 | 0.04844 | 144 | 103 | 33 | 8 |
1306 | Scruffy says he'll sign if you promise never to go to work again. | 1.3402 | 0.05841 | 97 | 69 | 23 | 5 |
1307 | There may be some wiggle room vis-à-vis the number of chew toys, but I'm afraid treats and walkies are non-negotiable. | 1.3402 | 0.05841 | 97 | 69 | 23 | 5 |
1308 | And these are the terms of his leash. | 1.3402 | 0.06198 | 97 | 71 | 19 | 7 |
1309 | The girlfriend simply has to go. | 1.3400 | 0.06067 | 100 | 73 | 20 | 7 |
1310 | Here’s proof my client did not eat your homework. | 1.3400 | 0.05724 | 100 | 71 | 24 | 5 |
1311 | He wants you to be his ghostwriter. | 1.3398 | 0.05781 | 103 | 74 | 23 | 6 |
1312 | Your return to work post-pandemic constitutes abandonment and alienation of affection. | 1.3398 | 0.05943 | 103 | 75 | 21 | 7 |
1313 | Sign on the dotted line...this simply states that you have been vaccinated and neutered. You can start tomorrow and there are treats in the jar on the way out. | 1.3398 | 0.06255 | 103 | 77 | 17 | 9 |
1314 | My client refuses to be treated like a dog! | 1.3398 | 0.05781 | 103 | 74 | 23 | 6 |
1315 | You get the kennel. He gets the car keys. | 1.3396 | 0.05669 | 106 | 76 | 24 | 6 |
1316 | My client requires more treats, more walks, and fewer vet visits. | 1.3394 | 0.05249 | 109 | 76 | 29 | 4 |
1317 | You should have been satisfied with being best friends. | 1.3394 | 0.05085 | 109 | 75 | 31 | 3 |
1318 | She’s asking for the house and fifty - fifty custody of the children. | 1.3394 | 0.05330 | 109 | 79 | 24 | 6 |
1319 | Fetch, rollover, beg? This is not about who is whose best friend, Mr. Olson, this is about who owes who wages for services rendered. | 1.3394 | 0.05409 | 109 | 77 | 27 | 5 |
1320 | I thought you already knew we favor the underdog. | 1.3394 | 0.05861 | 109 | 80 | 21 | 8 |
1321 | You’ll have to sign for him, too… | 1.3394 | 0.05249 | 109 | 76 | 29 | 4 |
1322 | You are not the first associate we have referred to obedience training. | 1.3393 | 0.05463 | 112 | 80 | 26 | 6 |
1323 | I assure you, petnups are standard nowadays. | 1.3391 | 0.05224 | 115 | 81 | 29 | 5 |
1324 | Fido will get the Brooklyn apartment, the summer time-share, and your collection of vintage concert t-shirts, which he has already marked as his own territory. | 1.3391 | 0.05508 | 115 | 83 | 25 | 7 |
1325 | My client is willing to negotiate to 3 good boys a day and only 76% of your bed at night. | 1.3390 | 0.05277 | 118 | 84 | 28 | 6 |
1326 | He won't just be your boss, he'll be your best friend. | 1.3390 | 0.05277 | 118 | 84 | 28 | 6 |
1327 | Rosie wants custody of everything she’s licked, sniffed and slept on | 1.3390 | 0.05277 | 118 | 84 | 28 | 6 |
1328 | And you stipulate that Spot is your best friend? | 1.3388 | 0.05190 | 121 | 86 | 29 | 6 |
1329 | My client wants it in writing that he is not your best friend. | 1.3388 | 0.04987 | 121 | 87 | 28 | 6 |
1330 | You've been a very bad boy. | 1.3388 | 0.05816 | 121 | 91 | 19 | 11 |
1331 | A self-serve treat bar. A lifetime subscription to DOGTV. A fire hydrant in the bathroom. This is his final offer. | 1.3388 | 0.05449 | 121 | 88 | 25 | 8 |
1332 | We’ll be asking the judge for a stay order on your stay order. | 1.3387 | 0.04843 | 124 | 86 | 34 | 4 |
1333 | We feel this figure fairly accounts for back-payment for my client's missed games of fetch, lack of treats, and psychological distress from never being called a "good boy". | 1.3387 | 0.05357 | 124 | 90 | 26 | 8 |
1334 | And this is a licensing agreement to use his image on social media posts. | 1.3385 | 0.05300 | 130 | 95 | 26 | 9 |
1335 | Now you understand what we mean by "paper trained" | 1.3385 | 0.05300 | 130 | 95 | 26 | 9 |
1336 | As part of this job interview Spot would like you to see you use the paper. | 1.3385 | 0.04890 | 130 | 94 | 29 | 7 |
1337 | After the pretending-to-throw-the-ball incident, he wants assurances that a car ride to the park is just that. | 1.3383 | 0.04993 | 133 | 95 | 31 | 7 |
1338 | By signing this document you agree not to post embarrassing pet memes of my client on any and all social media while he is alive. | 1.3383 | 0.04993 | 133 | 95 | 31 | 7 |
1339 | He’s taking the couch | 1.3382 | 0.04693 | 136 | 95 | 36 | 5 |
1340 | My clients begs you to accept his terms. | 1.3378 | 0.04294 | 148 | 104 | 39 | 5 |
1341 | Let's see who writes the most appropriate caption?? | 1.3378 | 0.07270 | 74 | 55 | 13 | 6 |
1342 | You get the house but she keeps the toilet bowl. That's our final offer. | 1.3372 | 0.05636 | 86 | 59 | 25 | 2 |
1343 | My client swears it was YOU who ate the homework. | 1.3372 | 0.06322 | 86 | 62 | 19 | 5 |
1344 | Smedley,I called this meeting to advise you that your position has been terminated—please welcome Bowser as your replacement | 1.3372 | 0.06322 | 86 | 62 | 19 | 5 |
1345 | She gets to keep the wife. | 1.3371 | 0.06381 | 89 | 65 | 18 | 6 |
1346 | Fido gets the doghouse AND the yard, because that’s where the bones are buried. | 1.3371 | 0.06177 | 89 | 64 | 20 | 5 |
1347 | And the phrase, "I wouldn't feed that to a dog," is legally hate speech. | 1.3371 | 0.05967 | 89 | 63 | 22 | 4 |
1348 | You will refer to my client as "Mr. Teddy" | 1.3370 | 0.06236 | 92 | 67 | 19 | 6 |
1349 | My client has instructed me to keep you on a short leash. | 1.3368 | 0.05720 | 95 | 67 | 24 | 4 |
1350 | You keep the house, but the dog gets the wife. | 1.3367 | 0.05792 | 98 | 70 | 23 | 5 |
1351 | So it's settled. He gets the side of the bed closest to the heater. | 1.3367 | 0.05971 | 98 | 71 | 21 | 6 |
1352 | Around here, he’s the bark. I’m the bite. | 1.3367 | 0.05792 | 98 | 70 | 23 | 5 |
1353 | Since you're already in it, you get to keep the doghouse. | 1.3366 | 0.06178 | 101 | 75 | 18 | 8 |
1354 | Fido is part of your severance package. Corporate understands that being laid off can leave you in need of moral support.” | 1.3366 | 0.06178 | 101 | 75 | 18 | 8 |
1355 | You drive a ruff bargain. | 1.3365 | 0.06051 | 104 | 77 | 19 | 8 |
1356 | If you agree to neutering my client will drop all charges. | 1.3365 | 0.05895 | 104 | 76 | 21 | 7 |
1357 | Funny, because this signature here seems to imply you were, in fact, the one to pass gas. | 1.3365 | 0.05399 | 104 | 73 | 27 | 4 |
1358 | You can chew on this and let us know. | 1.3364 | 0.05466 | 107 | 76 | 26 | 5 |
1359 | My client is asking for full custody of your wife. | 1.3364 | 0.05625 | 107 | 77 | 24 | 6 |
1360 | I should add that this is most creative power of attorney document I've ever been privileged to draft. | 1.3364 | 0.05466 | 107 | 76 | 26 | 5 |
1361 | Your wife goes to the dog. | 1.3362 | 0.05468 | 116 | 84 | 25 | 7 |
1362 | Sorry about the delay. He ate the Trust documents. | 1.3362 | 0.05329 | 116 | 83 | 27 | 6 |
1363 | Sign it and you're officially his best friend. | 1.3362 | 0.05736 | 116 | 86 | 21 | 9 |
1364 | Due to poor performance, we're transferring you to a farm upstate. | 1.3361 | 0.05880 | 119 | 90 | 18 | 11 |
1365 | Furthermore, my client resents being labeled as dogmatic! | 1.3361 | 0.05411 | 122 | 89 | 25 | 8 |
1366 | Please sign here to extend your leash. | 1.3361 | 0.05284 | 122 | 88 | 27 | 7 |
1367 | We would like to set forth the terms for roll over. | 1.3360 | 0.05321 | 125 | 91 | 26 | 8 |
1368 | So it’s settled. Champ gets the house, you get the car. | 1.3359 | 0.05465 | 128 | 95 | 23 | 10 |
1369 | Sorry, but his terms have now changed. He is demanding the doghouse in the Riviera in addition to the one n Palm Springs. You can keep the one bedroom flat in Staten Island. | 1.3359 | 0.05351 | 128 | 94 | 25 | 9 |
1370 | I understand that you're best friends. However a handshake doesn't constitute a legal agreement. | 1.3359 | 0.05153 | 131 | 95 | 28 | 8 |
1371 | So you get the puppies and FIFI here gets the penthouse on the upper west side that aunt Mary left for her. | 1.3358 | 0.05396 | 134 | 100 | 23 | 11 |
1372 | I'm sorry, but sole custody is a non-starter..Rex demands your wife on alternate weekends. | 1.3358 | 0.05105 | 137 | 100 | 28 | 9 |
1373 | Be a good boy and fill out this application | 1.3356 | 0.04724 | 149 | 107 | 34 | 8 |
1374 | That clears up item #47, there will be no more unfortunate dog costumes. Let's move on to item #48. | 1.3333 | 0.05800 | 114 | 85 | 20 | 9 |
1375 | You were an adequate employee, Bob, but Hannah here is Best in Show. | 1.3333 | 0.05627 | 111 | 81 | 23 | 7 |
1376 | I think you’re an idiot but my dog says you’re senior executive material — which means we’re both right. When can you start ? | 1.3333 | 0.06120 | 90 | 65 | 20 | 5 |
1377 | Now you have to eat his homework. | 1.3333 | 0.05920 | 99 | 72 | 21 | 6 |
1378 | Under this agreement, anything the dog ever had in its mouth or thought it ever had in its mouth is his property. | 1.3333 | 0.04830 | 132 | 98 | 26 | 8 |
1379 | I'm sorry, but Sparky had better references. | 1.3333 | 0.06126 | 102 | 76 | 18 | 8 |
1380 | Don't forget you'll multiply that the contract term by 7. | 1.3333 | 0.06560 | 72 | 51 | 18 | 3 |
1381 | 'Ruggles' is seeking pet emancipation plus damages in the amount of $3.2 million. He also wants the apartment, and your parking space. | 1.3333 | 0.06091 | 99 | 73 | 19 | 7 |
1382 | .... because he's got 21 dog years seniority, so you're fired. | 1.3333 | 0.05480 | 111 | 80 | 25 | 6 |
1383 | Each party in the mediation is considered the best boy and will refrain from rubbing, scratching, begging, or licking. | 1.3333 | 0.05328 | 111 | 79 | 27 | 5 |
1384 | Here are your termination documents. Sorry, but it's a dog eat dog world we work in. | 1.3333 | 0.06120 | 90 | 65 | 20 | 5 |
1385 | And, finally, please verify by signing here that he is your best friend. | 1.3333 | 0.05087 | 114 | 80 | 30 | 4 |
1386 | And Lastly , you agree to use his pronouns: they and them. | 1.3333 | 0.05120 | 132 | 96 | 28 | 8 |
1387 | If you agree to this liability waiver, my client will explain exactly what happened to your homework. | 1.3333 | 0.05948 | 84 | 59 | 22 | 3 |
1388 | Sparky here from Human Resources will go over the paperwork with you. | 1.3333 | 0.06224 | 96 | 71 | 18 | 7 |
1389 | Loyalty gets you far here. | 1.3333 | 0.05120 | 123 | 88 | 29 | 6 |
1390 | The contract covers nutrition, shelter, and testicles. | 1.3333 | 0.05120 | 123 | 88 | 29 | 6 |
1391 | Every dog has his day in court. | 1.3333 | 0.05593 | 120 | 89 | 22 | 9 |
1392 | And she would also like your slippers. | 1.3333 | 0.05801 | 102 | 74 | 22 | 6 |
1393 | We're sorry - you're just not a good boy. Sparky and I have decided to let you go. | 1.3333 | 0.05671 | 96 | 68 | 24 | 4 |
1394 | Now this one just says if you pet other dogs,she gets the house. | 1.3333 | 0.05966 | 102 | 75 | 20 | 7 |
1395 | We had hoped your sheep herding skills had been up to standard. | 1.3333 | 0.04963 | 129 | 92 | 31 | 6 |
1396 | I'm sure you will find Fluffy's number to be quite doable. | 1.3333 | 0.04856 | 120 | 86 | 29 | 5 |
1397 | He has a right to know his biological parents | 1.3333 | 0.05581 | 108 | 78 | 24 | 6 |
1398 | Ignore the wagging tail. My client will NOT agree to only one belly rub a day. | 1.3333 | 0.05480 | 111 | 80 | 25 | 6 |
1399 | In return, you will have to be his best friend, too. | 1.3333 | 0.05671 | 96 | 68 | 24 | 4 |
1400 | Why don't you chew on this. | 1.3333 | 0.05237 | 114 | 81 | 28 | 5 |
1401 | Fido is suing for you ex-wife to have custody. | 1.3333 | 0.06185 | 84 | 60 | 20 | 4 |
1402 | Further, my client would like to retain possession over the entire bone collection. | 1.3333 | 0.05911 | 111 | 83 | 19 | 9 |
1403 | If you just sign here, my client agrees that his bark is worse than his bite. | 1.3333 | 0.05581 | 108 | 78 | 24 | 6 |
1404 | It just states that you will never again blame it on my client. | 1.3333 | 0.04772 | 114 | 78 | 34 | 2 |
1405 | Unfortunately you haven't been a good boy | 1.3333 | 0.06224 | 96 | 71 | 18 | 7 |
1406 | Mr B Wow has asked me to administer a brief test to confirm your bone fides. | 1.3333 | 0.05248 | 123 | 89 | 27 | 7 |
1407 | Your resume is impressive but you just aren’t cute enough. | 1.3333 | 0.05717 | 120 | 90 | 20 | 10 |
1408 | You can keep custody of the kids, but he will always have their hearts. | 1.3333 | 0.06086 | 81 | 57 | 21 | 3 |
1409 | My client insists on these terms or she w-a-l-ks. | 1.3333 | 0.05827 | 81 | 56 | 23 | 2 |
1410 | My client contends that he is sick of being asked "Who's a Good Boy?" He will Sit and Stay until you sign these separation papers. | 1.3333 | 0.05120 | 132 | 96 | 28 | 8 |
1411 | He wants joint custody of Mittens | 1.3333 | 0.05204 | 120 | 86 | 28 | 6 |
1412 | Ms. Lulu concedes that she may have spent too much time taking care of business but suggests that if you would have taken her out more often, we wouldn’t be here today. | 1.3333 | 0.05771 | 111 | 82 | 21 | 8 |
1413 | Ralph has decided to change his best friend to your wife Cynthia. | 1.3333 | 0.06152 | 105 | 79 | 17 | 9 |
1414 | Central Park is non-negotiable. | 1.3333 | 0.05966 | 102 | 75 | 20 | 7 |
1415 | Now Frank, please write down your version. | 1.3310 | 0.05166 | 142 | 106 | 25 | 11 |
1416 | My client will agree to wearing only one winter sweater each year,and cannot have ruffles. | 1.3310 | 0.04764 | 142 | 102 | 33 | 7 |
1417 | Now that your uncle let the company go to the dogs there is nothing left for you | 1.3309 | 0.04611 | 139 | 98 | 36 | 5 |
1418 | He wants you to be a good boy and sign here. | 1.3309 | 0.04831 | 139 | 100 | 32 | 7 |
1419 | And this one states that she will retain the house in the Hamptons. | 1.3308 | 0.05051 | 130 | 94 | 29 | 7 |
1420 | He's willing to sign over the doghouse if he can keep the couch. | 1.3308 | 0.04931 | 130 | 93 | 31 | 6 |
1421 | Our dog sitters are required to sign an NDA. | 1.3306 | 0.04955 | 124 | 88 | 31 | 5 |
1422 | I can't emphasize this enough—you can bring your dog to board meetings, but under no circumstances can they vote. | 1.3306 | 0.05458 | 124 | 92 | 23 | 9 |
1423 | I’m sorry but we hired the dog. | 1.3306 | 0.05914 | 121 | 93 | 16 | 12 |
1424 | My client would like you to agree to pay for monthly grooming. | 1.3306 | 0.05676 | 121 | 91 | 20 | 10 |
1425 | He is asking for joint custody of your kids and alimony. | 1.3305 | 0.05254 | 118 | 85 | 27 | 6 |
1426 | She found out about you and the neighbor's dog | 1.3305 | 0.05523 | 118 | 87 | 23 | 8 |
1427 | One last bone of contention, he wants to stay in the house and not outside. | 1.3304 | 0.05622 | 115 | 85 | 22 | 8 |
1428 | Just a formality prior to adoption, but please be aware of the 'no neuter clause" . | 1.3304 | 0.05200 | 115 | 82 | 28 | 5 |
1429 | You’re fired, but I’m keeping the dog. | 1.3304 | 0.05200 | 115 | 82 | 28 | 5 |
1430 | I'm sorry, sir, but we are looking to diversify our work force. | 1.3304 | 0.06264 | 112 | 87 | 13 | 12 |
1431 | It's all spelled out here: you get the red leash and the plastic food dish. He gets the dog house, the chew toy, and the BMW. | 1.3304 | 0.05866 | 112 | 84 | 19 | 9 |
1432 | My client has become used to a certain standard of belly rubs. | 1.3303 | 0.05383 | 109 | 78 | 26 | 5 |
1433 | This is our final offer. Otherwise, my client W-A-L-K-S away. | 1.3303 | 0.05690 | 109 | 80 | 22 | 7 |
1434 | As per the agreement, you will henceforth cease and desist from any reference to my client, oral or written, to include all social media, as your "Fur Baby". | 1.3303 | 0.05837 | 109 | 81 | 20 | 8 |
1435 | You’ll have to settle for half, sir. The rest has been eaten. | 1.3303 | 0.05538 | 109 | 79 | 24 | 6 |
1436 | He says that squatter's rights allow him to keep the home. | 1.3302 | 0.05315 | 106 | 75 | 27 | 4 |
1437 | We need your signarure, too. | 1.3302 | 0.04966 | 106 | 73 | 31 | 2 |
1438 | I'm sorry, but Buster is better qualified. | 1.3301 | 0.05753 | 103 | 75 | 22 | 6 |
1439 | She’s not willing to follow your lead anymore. | 1.3301 | 0.05412 | 103 | 73 | 26 | 4 |
1440 | He says he'll drop the complaint if you roll over and beg. | 1.3301 | 0.05917 | 103 | 76 | 20 | 7 |
1441 | Nowhere in the Constitution does it say she is required to come when you call. | 1.3301 | 0.05048 | 103 | 71 | 30 | 2 |
1442 | He can smell employee discontent, can you? | 1.3301 | 0.05586 | 103 | 74 | 24 | 5 |
1443 | The dog has already signed. | 1.3300 | 0.05870 | 100 | 73 | 21 | 6 |
1444 | You’re a good employee, but pickles tells me you’re not a good boy. | 1.3300 | 0.06204 | 100 | 75 | 17 | 8 |
1445 | We’d like you to take the lead on this. | 1.3300 | 0.06039 | 100 | 74 | 19 | 7 |
1446 | And on behalf of my client, I’ll just add “who’s a bad man?” | 1.3300 | 0.05695 | 100 | 72 | 23 | 5 |
1447 | The plaintiff does not agree that it is a dog eat dog world | 1.3299 | 0.05993 | 97 | 71 | 20 | 6 |
1448 | We'll hire him, but you need to confirm that he'll whine quietly onscreen during the scene of his mistress's death. | 1.3299 | 0.05623 | 97 | 69 | 24 | 4 |
1449 | She's OK with paper on the floor, but it's a dealbreaker if it's not The Times. | 1.3298 | 0.05737 | 94 | 67 | 23 | 4 |
1450 | She says that you can keep the cats | 1.3298 | 0.06307 | 94 | 70 | 17 | 7 |
1451 | Sir, all we ask is for you to give a dog a bone. | 1.3298 | 0.05933 | 94 | 68 | 21 | 5 |
1452 | No,head scratches and sleeping on the bed are not optional. | 1.3298 | 0.05933 | 94 | 68 | 21 | 5 |
1453 | Britney wants the house. She's repeatedly marked it as her territory, so she feels she's entitled to it. | 1.3297 | 0.05646 | 91 | 64 | 24 | 3 |
1454 | My client here says you told him to speak without a lawyer present. | 1.3297 | 0.05859 | 91 | 65 | 22 | 4 |
1455 | And according to this addendum you will no longer retain the title of Master. | 1.3297 | 0.06261 | 91 | 67 | 18 | 6 |
1456 | To summarize; my client agrees to live in your domicile and behave as he pleases. You agree to provide for his every need and desire as enumerated in pages one through ten. Questions | 1.3295 | 0.06609 | 88 | 66 | 15 | 7 |
1457 | Just sign here and we'll stop hounding you. | 1.3294 | 0.05891 | 85 | 60 | 22 | 3 |
1458 | This clearly has not been a walk in the park for either of you. | 1.3294 | 0.06775 | 85 | 64 | 14 | 7 |
1459 | You keep the house but you share custody of the fire hydrant out front. | 1.3293 | 0.06505 | 82 | 60 | 17 | 5 |
1460 | Don't worry, I am working pro bone. | 1.3289 | 0.07583 | 76 | 59 | 9 | 8 |
1461 | My client is suing you for fraud when you pretended to throw his ball during fetch on January 3rd, 2021 | 1.3288 | 0.04871 | 146 | 107 | 30 | 9 |
1462 | My client is willing to offer shared custody of the soggy tennis ball, but nothing more. | 1.3287 | 0.04736 | 143 | 103 | 33 | 7 |
1463 | Look who has the tail between their legs now. | 1.3285 | 0.04872 | 137 | 99 | 31 | 7 |
1464 | Now, regarding custody of the cat ... | 1.3285 | 0.05087 | 137 | 101 | 27 | 9 |
1465 | and Bowser agrees to forgo dog-support payments in return for you relinquishing ownership of your slippers | 1.3282 | 0.05134 | 131 | 96 | 27 | 8 |
1466 | You let the cat out of the bag. | 1.3282 | 0.05018 | 131 | 95 | 29 | 7 |
1467 | Sorry, he says you just aren't dog food commercial material! | 1.3281 | 0.05096 | 128 | 95 | 25 | 8 |
1468 | This is a restraining order. You've been a bad boy. | 1.3279 | 0.05390 | 122 | 90 | 24 | 8 |
1469 | He no longer wants to be your best friend. | 1.3279 | 0.05132 | 122 | 88 | 28 | 6 |
1470 | We're sorry, Mr. Smith. But after reading your review, Rusty from HR has determined that you are Not A Very God Boy. | 1.3279 | 0.05871 | 122 | 94 | 16 | 12 |
1471 | Sorry it was a typo, we meant to say 'God be with you', not 'Dog be with you' | 1.3277 | 0.05612 | 119 | 89 | 21 | 9 |
1472 | Now that you sat, you need to beg and roll over. | 1.3277 | 0.05483 | 119 | 88 | 23 | 8 |
1473 | He’s willing to let you sleep in the dog house. | 1.3277 | 0.04936 | 119 | 84 | 31 | 4 |
1474 | To Jasper, the decline in daily walks supports his irreconcilable differences argument. | 1.3276 | 0.05581 | 116 | 86 | 22 | 8 |
1475 | So you've both agreed to the terms of adoption? | 1.3276 | 0.05015 | 116 | 82 | 30 | 4 |
1476 | My client is seeking the house,but is willing to offer you full custody of the cat. | 1.3273 | 0.05342 | 110 | 79 | 26 | 5 |
1477 | My client has agreed to let you keep the house, so long as he retains exclusive rights to all bones buried out in the yard. | 1.3273 | 0.05496 | 110 | 80 | 24 | 6 |
1478 | Mr. Crispers is willing to let you keep the ball and the leash, but the house is non-negotiable. | 1.3273 | 0.05342 | 110 | 79 | 26 | 5 |
1479 | My client has a new best friend. | 1.3273 | 0.05646 | 110 | 81 | 22 | 7 |
1480 | Sorry, but revoking the best friend clause is not negotiable | 1.3273 | 0.05103 | 110 | 80 | 25 | 5 |
1481 | ‘’I’m sorry but we’ve already cast Rex as Travis. But, you can still read for Old Yeller’’ | 1.3271 | 0.05599 | 107 | 80 | 20 | 7 |
1482 | The defendant might comply with the cease and desist if you command him to Drop-It. | 1.3271 | 0.05754 | 107 | 79 | 21 | 7 |
1483 | In 25 words or less, if you were a dog, what breed would you be and why? Think carefully. | 1.3269 | 0.05102 | 104 | 75 | 25 | 4 |
1484 | He wants to see your papers. | 1.3269 | 0.05707 | 104 | 76 | 22 | 6 |
1485 | He is negotiating for more walks or he will leave with your ex. | 1.3269 | 0.05541 | 104 | 75 | 24 | 5 |
1486 | Charlie wants Brad Pitt to play him in the movie. | 1.3267 | 0.06310 | 101 | 77 | 15 | 9 |
1487 | He wants the kids on weekends. | 1.3267 | 0.05821 | 101 | 74 | 21 | 6 |
1488 | As agreed, every Tuesday he gets to pee on the rhododendron. | 1.3265 | 0.05941 | 98 | 72 | 20 | 6 |
1489 | No alimony, but walks and petting rights are non-negotiable | 1.3265 | 0.05384 | 98 | 69 | 26 | 3 |
1490 | Be thankful she is not a cat. | 1.3265 | 0.06450 | 98 | 75 | 14 | 9 |
1491 | My client will drop his complaint of abandonment if you agree to stay home and give him belly rubs on demand. | 1.3265 | 0.05761 | 98 | 71 | 22 | 5 |
1492 | We’re downsizing. It was you or the dog. The chairman likes the dog. Here are your separation papers.” | 1.3263 | 0.06068 | 95 | 70 | 19 | 6 |
1493 | Fido will give you the wife, but he wants the kids. | 1.3261 | 0.06008 | 92 | 67 | 20 | 5 |
1494 | The owner left him the company. He has a few questions for you." | 1.3261 | 0.06008 | 92 | 67 | 20 | 5 |
1495 | My client will not roll over in these negotiations. | 1.3258 | 0.05712 | 89 | 63 | 23 | 3 |
1496 | We laid off HR. This is Buddy, your assigned "support dog." His email is in your packet. | 1.3258 | 0.04749 | 132 | 94 | 33 | 5 |
1497 | Not lease. Leash. | 1.3256 | 0.04942 | 129 | 93 | 30 | 6 |
1498 | My client would like to part ways here, before another pandemic. He states that he can't get through another lockdown being an emotional sponge for your mood swings. | 1.3256 | 0.06286 | 86 | 63 | 18 | 5 |
1499 | My client is willing to give you the house in exchange for full custody of the cat and the brown loafers you keep in the hall closet. | 1.3254 | 0.05143 | 126 | 92 | 27 | 7 |
1500 | He's willing to give up people food and sleeping on the bed, but he'd like scratches behind the ear on weekends and holidays. | 1.3253 | 0.05713 | 83 | 58 | 23 | 2 |
1501 | I can return your homework if you sign this retraction, release, and non-disparagement agreement. | 1.3252 | 0.05596 | 123 | 93 | 20 | 10 |
1502 | Can you tell me what he wrote I can’t read. | 1.3250 | 0.06104 | 80 | 57 | 20 | 3 |
1503 | She gets the house, alimony, and the Purina stock. | 1.3250 | 0.05181 | 120 | 87 | 27 | 6 |
1504 | He's seeking compensation for missed walks. | 1.3250 | 0.05181 | 120 | 89 | 24 | 7 |
1505 | Mr. Farmer,Bingo is suing you for using his name in the song without his permission. | 1.3250 | 0.05444 | 120 | 89 | 23 | 8 |
1506 | One last thing before you sign: Max, here, would like a demonstration of your rope-tugging skills. | 1.3250 | 0.05044 | 120 | 86 | 29 | 5 |
1507 | You’re in breach of contract-my client asserts that the walks were shorter than promised and the “treats” were subpar. | 1.3250 | 0.05314 | 120 | 88 | 25 | 7 |
1508 | Then it's agreed: you keep the house and car, and Fluffy keeps all of your shoes. | 1.3250 | 0.05444 | 120 | 89 | 23 | 8 |
1509 | Ruffles here from HR said your begging worked. You're hired. | 1.3248 | 0.05268 | 117 | 85 | 26 | 6 |
1510 | ‘He’s here to discuss his AARF membership.’ | 1.3248 | 0.05126 | 117 | 84 | 28 | 5 |
1511 | 'Face it: Rover is the Instagram account. Take the offer or he bow-wows out.' | 1.3247 | 0.05974 | 77 | 54 | 21 | 2 |
1512 | He doesn’t want money; just food and lodging in a warm location! | 1.3246 | 0.05212 | 114 | 82 | 27 | 5 |
1513 | If you sign over all of the tennis balls he will say you are a good boy. | 1.3246 | 0.05502 | 114 | 84 | 23 | 7 |
1514 | So we're agreed. Keith gets the house, the car and the cats. Spooner gets the compost pile and half your shoes. | 1.3243 | 0.05602 | 111 | 82 | 22 | 7 |
1515 | She's a silent partner. | 1.3243 | 0.06413 | 74 | 53 | 18 | 3 |
1516 | As per the settlement agreement, in exchange for all chew toys and bones, here are the exact locations of your missing socks and shoes, which may or may not be chewed to all hell already. | 1.3243 | 0.07227 | 74 | 56 | 12 | 6 |
1517 | And this is Mr. Rover's Non-Disclosure Agreement, which forbids you as dog-walker to reveal number of cats chased, bites given, and, most importantly, pee showers given or received. | 1.3243 | 0.05302 | 111 | 80 | 26 | 5 |
1518 | It’s a dog eat Doug world. | 1.3243 | 0.05602 | 111 | 82 | 22 | 7 |
1519 | She wants full custody of the puppies. | 1.3243 | 0.05454 | 111 | 81 | 24 | 6 |
1520 | I think you’ll find it’s a standard pre-pup. | 1.3243 | 0.05302 | 111 | 80 | 26 | 5 |
1521 | And now she wants to know your pedigree | 1.3241 | 0.05555 | 108 | 79 | 23 | 6 |
1522 | My client insists that you bark once if you agree and twice if you don't. | 1.3241 | 0.05234 | 108 | 77 | 27 | 4 |
1523 | This is a blank piece of paper. My client would like you to sniff it and bark once if you agree. | 1.3241 | 0.05858 | 108 | 81 | 19 | 8 |
1524 | Yes, it's a hard bargain; but, it's a dog eat dog world. | 1.3239 | 0.07170 | 71 | 53 | 13 | 5 |
1525 | Your competitor just scored in the 98th percentile on the application. Here, let's see how well you do! | 1.3238 | 0.05327 | 105 | 75 | 26 | 4 |
1526 | By signing this, Fido admits to no wrong doing | 1.3238 | 0.04687 | 105 | 79 | 21 | 5 |
1527 | The pooper-scooper clause is non-negotiable. | 1.3238 | 0.05820 | 105 | 78 | 20 | 7 |
1528 | He can pee in the house twice a week. That’s his final offer. | 1.3238 | 0.05327 | 105 | 75 | 26 | 4 |
1529 | He’s requesting that you to continue to work from home. | 1.3235 | 0.05601 | 102 | 74 | 23 | 5 |
1530 | And, of course he gets the house and the ball. Yes he does, yes he does. | 1.3235 | 0.05243 | 102 | 72 | 27 | 3 |
1531 | She'll waive the kibble and chew toys if you'll keep the damn cat. | 1.3232 | 0.05890 | 99 | 73 | 20 | 6 |
1532 | So, it's decided. At least 3 walks a day and no dry food with yellow corn in it. | 1.3232 | 0.06062 | 99 | 74 | 18 | 7 |
1533 | She left Fido the house, the car, and the boat, but at least you get the airline miles. | 1.3232 | 0.05435 | 99 | 73 | 21 | 5 |
1534 | She has clearly spoken, now you must sign. | 1.3232 | 0.05890 | 99 | 73 | 20 | 6 |
1535 | The only remaining issue is who gets custody of your wife. | 1.3232 | 0.05890 | 99 | 73 | 20 | 6 |
1536 | Sparky solved the problem in three minutes. Good luck. | 1.3229 | 0.06194 | 96 | 72 | 17 | 7 |
1537 | By signing here,you agree that Muffers is indeed a good boy. | 1.3229 | 0.05638 | 96 | 69 | 23 | 4 |
1538 | He wants the bed, the couch, and the doggie door. That's all. | 1.3229 | 0.06194 | 96 | 72 | 17 | 7 |
1539 | We will need your ruff draft by Friday. | 1.3229 | 0.05829 | 96 | 70 | 21 | 5 |
1540 | Please mind your language. My client prefers 'female dog.' | 1.3229 | 0.05829 | 96 | 70 | 21 | 5 |
1541 | This doesn’t have to be ruff. An agreement is pawsible, if we renegotiate the terms of the leash. | 1.3229 | 0.06369 | 96 | 73 | 15 | 8 |
1542 | She wants a little more meat left on that bone. | 1.3228 | 0.05463 | 127 | 96 | 21 | 10 |
1543 | My client is suing for defamation and insists that he is a good boy. | 1.3226 | 0.05547 | 93 | 66 | 24 | 3 |
1544 | We read your report, Robinson, and frankly, we just don't think it passes the smell test. | 1.3226 | 0.06516 | 93 | 71 | 14 | 8 |
1545 | My client agrees to use the curb, subject to the condition that, if you are as much as 10 minutes late in taking him for a walk, then, in his sole absolute discretion, he may use the bed, the couch, or the living room floor instead. | 1.3226 | 0.05547 | 93 | 66 | 24 | 3 |
1546 | We’re sorry we have to replace you but, you see, Spot has all his shots | 1.3226 | 0.06334 | 93 | 70 | 16 | 7 |
1547 | No, not a pre-nup. It's a pre-pup." | 1.3226 | 0.06146 | 93 | 69 | 18 | 6 |
1548 | We've covered walks, belly rubs and treats ... now we have to address your girlfriend's cat. | 1.3223 | 0.05406 | 121 | 90 | 23 | 8 |
1549 | If you don't sign this, she walks. | 1.3222 | 0.05434 | 90 | 63 | 25 | 2 |
1550 | We'll put a positive spin on the divorce by calling it a loving unleashing. | 1.3222 | 0.05434 | 90 | 68 | 17 | 5 |
1551 | She wants the chew toys, the toilet bowl, and all of your best shoes." | 1.3222 | 0.05434 | 90 | 63 | 25 | 2 |
1552 | You get the puppies every other weekend. | 1.3222 | 0.06085 | 90 | 66 | 19 | 5 |
1553 | In your own words, please tell me and Captain Rover exactly what happened last Tuesday night. | 1.3220 | 0.05230 | 118 | 86 | 26 | 6 |
1554 | And these are your walking papers. | 1.3218 | 0.06436 | 87 | 65 | 16 | 6 |
1555 | She wants full custody! | 1.3218 | 0.06640 | 87 | 66 | 14 | 7 |
1556 | Sign this NDA and he'll tell you, once and for all, who's been a good boy. | 1.3217 | 0.05599 | 115 | 86 | 21 | 8 |
1557 | No Mr Smith, Fido gets the house. You keep the tennis balls. | 1.3217 | 0.05461 | 115 | 85 | 23 | 7 |
1558 | Now, who gets the wife? | 1.3217 | 0.05391 | 115 | 87 | 20 | 8 |
1559 | My client wants the kids, the house and the ball. | 1.3217 | 0.05599 | 115 | 86 | 21 | 8 |
1560 | Does this answer your incessant 'Who's a good boy?' question? | 1.3214 | 0.06144 | 84 | 61 | 19 | 4 |
1561 | Bad news, Jenkins. Scooter finished first and got the promotion. | 1.3214 | 0.07016 | 84 | 65 | 11 | 8 |
1562 | Yes, he is your replacement. | 1.3214 | 0.05560 | 112 | 83 | 22 | 7 |
1563 | You can keep the house. She wants the tennis balls. | 1.3214 | 0.06144 | 84 | 61 | 19 | 4 |
1564 | The leader of the pack is quite impressed with your résumé as an emotional support human. | 1.3214 | 0.05262 | 112 | 81 | 26 | 5 |
1565 | Buster is finished chewing on your proposal. | 1.3214 | 0.06144 | 84 | 61 | 19 | 4 |
1566 | Daily walks and belly rubs are his final offer. | 1.3214 | 0.05413 | 112 | 82 | 24 | 6 |
1567 | You misjudge the size of the fight in my client. | 1.3214 | 0.04890 | 140 | 103 | 29 | 8 |
1568 | It’s just a proposal. His ruff draft. | 1.3211 | 0.05355 | 109 | 79 | 25 | 5 |
1569 | She is willing to share custody of the cat, but the easy chair is hers | 1.3211 | 0.05812 | 109 | 82 | 19 | 8 |
1570 | This is his final arfer. | 1.3211 | 0.05194 | 109 | 78 | 27 | 4 |
1571 | ... you get the dog house and visitation with the puppies every other weekend. | 1.3211 | 0.05812 | 109 | 82 | 19 | 8 |
1572 | My client would like you to throw him a bone. | 1.3211 | 0.05194 | 109 | 78 | 27 | 4 |
1573 | Furthermore, my client demands that you immediately desist from calling her “Poochie.” | 1.3211 | 0.05512 | 109 | 80 | 23 | 6 |
1574 | As your best friend, he'd like half your estate - -preferably the grass and bushes part. | 1.3208 | 0.05286 | 106 | 76 | 26 | 4 |
1575 | OK, now it's time to write down YOUR pet peeves. | 1.3208 | 0.05453 | 106 | 77 | 24 | 5 |
1576 | ...and Sparky gets the doghouse. | 1.3206 | 0.04879 | 131 | 95 | 30 | 6 |
1577 | Before she enters into a contract of ownership with you, she wants you to agree to certain terms, including a cat-free household. | 1.3206 | 0.04757 | 131 | 94 | 32 | 5 |
1578 | My client has informed me that what ever number you see on this paper should be multiplied by seven. | 1.3206 | 0.04998 | 131 | 96 | 28 | 7 |
1579 | By signing, you'll be agreeing not to neuter my client. | 1.3205 | 0.06187 | 78 | 56 | 19 | 3 |
1580 | Topping Cooper's list of demands will be a binding no vet policy. | 1.3204 | 0.05556 | 103 | 75 | 23 | 5 |
1581 | My client demands possession of all squishy and squeaky toys | 1.3204 | 0.05202 | 103 | 73 | 27 | 3 |
1582 | He wants the Montana sofa. That’s our final offer. | 1.3204 | 0.05724 | 103 | 76 | 21 | 6 |
1583 | Please note that I’m handling this case for my client pro-bone-o. | 1.3200 | 0.05840 | 100 | 74 | 20 | 6 |
1584 | I'm sorry, Rex says that your resume doesn't pass the sniff test | 1.3200 | 0.05840 | 100 | 74 | 20 | 6 |
1585 | This is my client’s settlement offer, which we think is more than fair. Of course, the girlfriend will stay with him. | 1.3200 | 0.05295 | 100 | 71 | 26 | 3 |
1586 | You agree then to his care and feeding in perpetuity in return for psychological support services. Sign here. | 1.3200 | 0.05295 | 100 | 71 | 26 | 3 |
1587 | You gotta throw us a bone here. | 1.3200 | 0.05483 | 100 | 72 | 24 | 4 |
1588 | Now, Steve, we didn't want to play hard, but we have to throw the puppy eyes at you | 1.3200 | 0.06010 | 100 | 75 | 18 | 7 |
1589 | And this is the agreement to see the puppies every other weekend. | 1.3197 | 0.05109 | 122 | 89 | 27 | 6 |
1590 | Before he signs this,he's going to need to sniff your butt. | 1.3196 | 0.05778 | 97 | 71 | 21 | 5 |
1591 | Henceforth, please cease from referring to my client as “that Bitch” | 1.3196 | 0.05589 | 97 | 70 | 23 | 4 |
1592 | He consents to share your wife. | 1.3196 | 0.06311 | 97 | 74 | 15 | 8 |
1593 | My client seeks the right to work from his dog house. | 1.3196 | 0.05589 | 97 | 70 | 23 | 4 |
1594 | I'm sorry. We can't continue to let sleeping dogs lie. | 1.3196 | 0.05394 | 97 | 69 | 25 | 3 |
1595 | My client also requests one dozen boxes of the T-R-E-A-T-S. | 1.3196 | 0.05778 | 97 | 71 | 21 | 5 |
1596 | Bobby Is willing to accept your new girlfriend sleeping in your common bed on fridays and saturdays as long as you change his balanced dog food for human home made meals. | 1.3196 | 0.05961 | 97 | 72 | 19 | 6 |
1597 | Woof. Woof, woof. | 1.3196 | 0.05961 | 97 | 72 | 19 | 6 |
1598 | It's just a knick knack, Paddy Wack, give the dog his bone. | 1.3191 | 0.05899 | 94 | 69 | 20 | 5 |
1599 | Let's face it, Mr. Cohn. You've had your day; now it's Rusty's. | 1.3191 | 0.05899 | 94 | 69 | 20 | 5 |
1600 | You weren't that far off when you said, 'The bitch is taking me for everything I own' | 1.3191 | 0.05899 | 94 | 69 | 20 | 5 |
1601 | Well, you weren’t COMPLETELY left out of your Mother’s will… Here’s the small list of what she didn’t leave to Benji… | 1.3191 | 0.06090 | 94 | 70 | 18 | 6 |
1602 | My client wants the full custody of the ball | 1.3191 | 0.06275 | 94 | 71 | 16 | 7 |
1603 | I hope your resume shows you're half the man your dog thinks you are. | 1.3191 | 0.06090 | 94 | 70 | 18 | 6 |
1604 | Fido get's the house, its contents, and custody of your wife and children; you get the cat. | 1.3191 | 0.05899 | 94 | 69 | 20 | 5 |
1605 | So, we are in agreement. You get the vacation property, and Molly gets the house and the couch. | 1.3190 | 0.05281 | 116 | 85 | 25 | 6 |
1606 | He wants to keep the kids | 1.3190 | 0.05137 | 116 | 84 | 27 | 5 |
1607 | She keeps the house and the kids. You get the dog. And it's over." | 1.3190 | 0.05281 | 116 | 85 | 25 | 6 |
1608 | He wants half of your bones. | 1.3190 | 0.05557 | 116 | 87 | 21 | 8 |
1609 | While the terms of this legal separation may seem punitive, my client never claimed to be a good boy. | 1.3190 | 0.04836 | 116 | 82 | 31 | 3 |
1610 | While my client is legally obligated to be man's best friend, his contract doesn't specifically necessitate being yours. | 1.3187 | 0.05608 | 91 | 65 | 23 | 3 |
1611 | Per the terms of your prepuptial agreement, Lady gets the doghouse, the tennis ball, and the Monet. | 1.3187 | 0.05386 | 91 | 64 | 25 | 2 |
1612 | When they said our business was going to the dogs, I didn't know it would be a hostile takeover. | 1.3187 | 0.05386 | 91 | 64 | 25 | 2 |
1613 | I’d also like you to list your favorite treats.” | 1.3186 | 0.04912 | 113 | 80 | 30 | 3 |
1614 | Now that he has reproduced your homework, will you write him a letter of gratitude? | 1.3186 | 0.05373 | 113 | 83 | 24 | 6 |
1615 | No pun intended, but you might say that are signing his 'walking papers' although you won't be walking him anymore. | 1.3186 | 0.05223 | 113 | 82 | 26 | 5 |
1616 | Bottom line: daily steak breakfasts and no cats in the house. | 1.3186 | 0.05373 | 113 | 83 | 24 | 6 |
1617 | He’s giving you full custody of the cat” | 1.3185 | 0.05004 | 135 | 100 | 27 | 8 |
1618 | You've been accused of giving inappropriate belly rubs. | 1.3182 | 0.04727 | 132 | 95 | 32 | 5 |
1619 | No, your severance package does not include the dog. Mr. Cuddles is here to convey empathy. | 1.3182 | 0.06373 | 88 | 66 | 16 | 6 |
1620 | Your resume says that you like cats. That’s going to be a problem. | 1.3182 | 0.05314 | 110 | 80 | 25 | 5 |
1621 | Since you dropped out of college and left home to pursue your dream, your father has left you $100 and his personal copy of The Seven Habits of Highly Successful People. The dog gets the rest. | 1.3182 | 0.06373 | 88 | 66 | 16 | 6 |
1622 | I have your performance report right here. Looks like you have NOT been a good boy this quarter." | 1.3182 | 0.04603 | 132 | 94 | 34 | 4 |
1623 | Our final offer is 2 walks a day and one rawhide treat before bed. | 1.3182 | 0.05949 | 88 | 64 | 20 | 4 |
1624 | In exchange for your cooperation,my client has agreed to be a good boy. | 1.3178 | 0.05571 | 107 | 79 | 22 | 6 |
1625 | I am so sorry but the dog has a better nose for business | 1.3176 | 0.05849 | 85 | 61 | 21 | 3 |
1626 | She wants master support, property and debt division, attorney’s fees, and sole custody of all squeaky toys. | 1.3175 | 0.04867 | 126 | 91 | 30 | 5 |
1627 | We can both promise you a new leash on life. | 1.3175 | 0.05121 | 126 | 93 | 26 | 7 |
1628 | My client's Agreement merely states that you cannot seek any damages if you happen to step in dog poop | 1.3173 | 0.05339 | 104 | 75 | 25 | 4 |
1629 | Let's see if you can do better than the other applicant. | 1.3173 | 0.05840 | 104 | 78 | 19 | 7 |
1630 | Sniff where it's marked, then piddle at the bottom. | 1.3171 | 0.06693 | 82 | 62 | 14 | 6 |
1631 | By "irreconcilable differences" she's referring, of course, to the new kitten. | 1.3171 | 0.05330 | 123 | 92 | 23 | 8 |
1632 | Maybe you should have thought about that before you mined the bitcoin in Miss Fee Fee di Napoli's name. | 1.3171 | 0.05204 | 123 | 91 | 25 | 7 |
1633 | So, we have agreed the dog will take the wife? | 1.3171 | 0.05330 | 123 | 92 | 23 | 8 |
1634 | Rex has agreed to work here provided you walk him twice a day. | 1.3171 | 0.06227 | 82 | 60 | 18 | 4 |
1635 | Let's be honest. Any jury will favor him over you. | 1.3168 | 0.05790 | 101 | 75 | 20 | 6 |
1636 | Fido would also like monetary compensation for all the times you pretended to throw the ball. | 1.3168 | 0.05790 | 101 | 75 | 20 | 6 |
1637 | My client says you can keep the newspaper subscription. | 1.3168 | 0.05437 | 101 | 73 | 24 | 4 |
1638 | Don't worry. Her claim you treated her like a dog won't hold up in court. | 1.3168 | 0.05252 | 101 | 72 | 26 | 3 |
1639 | Although your father left his entire estate to Mitzi, she would like to offer you lodging in exchange for walks, treats, and belly rubs as specified in this contract. | 1.3167 | 0.05156 | 120 | 88 | 26 | 6 |
1640 | It's non-negotiable, the cats got to go! | 1.3167 | 0.05019 | 120 | 87 | 28 | 5 |
1641 | My client suggests you be a good, good boy and sign the pre-pup agreement as written. | 1.3167 | 0.05290 | 120 | 89 | 24 | 7 |
1642 | The only bone of contention from Rex is the monthly BarkBox subscription. | 1.3167 | 0.05290 | 120 | 89 | 24 | 7 |
1643 | As you can imagine, we do the rescue dog process a little differently here in The Hamptons. | 1.3165 | 0.06871 | 79 | 60 | 13 | 6 |
1644 | You can stay on as general manager, but for ownership, Sparky feels he can do better. | 1.3163 | 0.05909 | 98 | 73 | 19 | 6 |
1645 | He wants you to sign a prepup agreement. | 1.3163 | 0.05542 | 98 | 71 | 23 | 4 |
1646 | Here's his offer: He says, 'go fetch yourself!'" | 1.3163 | 0.05909 | 98 | 73 | 19 | 6 |
1647 | Now on to the matter of tennis ball custody. | 1.3163 | 0.05909 | 98 | 73 | 19 | 6 |
1648 | He wants you to ease up on “heel”. Just sign here. | 1.3162 | 0.05100 | 117 | 85 | 27 | 5 |
1649 | You can have the kids if he gets the slippers. | 1.3158 | 0.05185 | 114 | 83 | 26 | 5 |
1650 | It’s a roll over account. | 1.3158 | 0.05450 | 95 | 68 | 24 | 3 |
1651 | Here you will find loyalty is paramount. | 1.3158 | 0.05033 | 114 | 82 | 28 | 4 |
1652 | Here are my client's terms. He's willing to negotiate if you can give him his balls back. | 1.3158 | 0.05185 | 114 | 83 | 26 | 5 |
1653 | My client will agree to the adoption if you can guarantee he always rides shotgun. | 1.3158 | 0.05847 | 95 | 70 | 20 | 5 |
1654 | And along with this restraining order, you’re prohibited from saying “Who’s a good boy?”. | 1.3153 | 0.05427 | 111 | 82 | 23 | 6 |
1655 | My client gets all the chew toys. This is not a negotiation. | 1.3153 | 0.05576 | 111 | 83 | 21 | 7 |
1656 | Ok, then it's settled. You get rid of the cat & he agrees to stop dry humping the guests. | 1.3153 | 0.05721 | 111 | 84 | 19 | 8 |
1657 | You realize,of course,that you are entering into a Fidoiary relationship. | 1.3152 | 0.05769 | 92 | 67 | 21 | 4 |
1658 | This form gives Squeezums the right to sue you should you try to change her name after the rescue papers are signed. | 1.3152 | 0.06169 | 92 | 69 | 17 | 6 |
1659 | Our client agrees to the neutering as long as you agree to undergo a similar procedure. | 1.3152 | 0.06545 | 92 | 71 | 13 | 8 |
1660 | He says you can have the house, but he wants the outdoors. | 1.3152 | 0.05972 | 92 | 68 | 19 | 5 |
1661 | He claims you never even used the couch. | 1.3152 | 0.05338 | 92 | 65 | 25 | 2 |
1662 | Your best friend has asked you to sign. | 1.3148 | 0.05368 | 108 | 79 | 24 | 5 |
1663 | Fluffy will be teaching our highly acclaimed work-life balance course. | 1.3148 | 0.05368 | 108 | 79 | 24 | 5 |
1664 | My client agrees to continue to be excited when you re-enter the room, and you agree to stop shaming him for a little piddle. | 1.3146 | 0.05671 | 89 | 64 | 22 | 3 |
1665 | My client is demanding that he be allowed in and out the door as often as he deems it necessary. | 1.3146 | 0.05442 | 89 | 68 | 16 | 5 |
1666 | I'm sorry, but you may find this news a bit ruff. | 1.3145 | 0.05293 | 124 | 93 | 23 | 8 |
1667 | Fluffy would like the kibble, chew toys and the house in the Hamptons. | 1.3145 | 0.05293 | 124 | 93 | 23 | 8 |
1668 | And just wipe your ass right here. | 1.3145 | 0.05168 | 124 | 92 | 25 | 7 |
1669 | I got him during covid and now that we are back in the office, he likes to come to work with me. Where’s your dog? | 1.3143 | 0.05631 | 105 | 78 | 21 | 6 |
1670 | Well, you have to admit Fido here has a thicker résumé. | 1.3143 | 0.05296 | 105 | 76 | 25 | 4 |
1671 | If you continue to disregard my client's privacy,we will be forced to take further legal action. | 1.3143 | 0.05466 | 105 | 77 | 23 | 5 |
1672 | My client’s demands are simple. He gets the big house and an unlimited supply of steak. You get the kennel in the backyard. | 1.3143 | 0.05948 | 105 | 80 | 17 | 8 |
1673 | His demands are modest: half of the bed, most of the sofa, and daily belly rubs lasting at least 10 minutes. Oh, and full custody of all discarded peanut butter jars. | 1.3143 | 0.04938 | 105 | 76 | 26 | 3 |
1674 | Well this 'bitch' is taking everything. | 1.3143 | 0.05631 | 105 | 78 | 21 | 6 |
1675 | Where did you get the idea he wants a divorce? The core of this action is that he wants to know, with public notice in a newspaper of record, who's a good boy. | 1.3140 | 0.06024 | 86 | 63 | 19 | 4 |
1676 | Since he is AKC, he's interested in your pedigree. | 1.3137 | 0.05908 | 102 | 77 | 18 | 7 |
1677 | Sure I can explain. The fine print says "woof woof, bark bark bark, growl!" | 1.3137 | 0.05210 | 102 | 73 | 26 | 3 |
1678 | Should you sign this form you will be agreeing to pay a monthly alibony payment | 1.3137 | 0.05742 | 102 | 76 | 20 | 6 |
1679 | Just sign here and my client will agree to let you go back to the office once a week in exchange for extra treats. | 1.3137 | 0.05393 | 102 | 74 | 24 | 4 |
1680 | So by signing this you agree that he gets the house and all the food,and you get to keep the car and your laptop | 1.3137 | 0.05210 | 102 | 73 | 26 | 3 |
1681 | We're looking for a different pedigree. | 1.3137 | 0.05020 | 102 | 72 | 28 | 2 |
1682 | He says you need to sign the dog-eared pages. | 1.3137 | 0.05742 | 102 | 76 | 20 | 6 |
1683 | Yes, unfortunately, you only get the doghouse and Scotty here gets everything else. | 1.3136 | 0.04918 | 118 | 85 | 29 | 4 |
1684 | Pre-pups are pretty much standard procedure these days, Mr. Hodges. | 1.3136 | 0.05064 | 118 | 86 | 27 | 5 |
1685 | Consider these your walking papers. | 1.3136 | 0.05205 | 118 | 87 | 25 | 6 |
1686 | Now be a good boy and sign here. | 1.3133 | 0.06397 | 83 | 62 | 16 | 5 |
1687 | This contract Stipulates that this is a forever adoption not subject to discovery of a cure for Covid. | 1.3133 | 0.06841 | 83 | 64 | 12 | 7 |
1688 | He doesn't believe the cat was just a fling. | 1.3133 | 0.06164 | 83 | 61 | 18 | 4 |
1689 | Fido’s making you a very good offer to live on a nice farm in the country. | 1.3131 | 0.05679 | 99 | 73 | 21 | 5 |
1690 | He wants the dog house, the tree in the front yard, all the bushes, and the cat with a bell on it. | 1.3130 | 0.05147 | 115 | 84 | 26 | 5 |
1691 | This cease and desist letter says Snowflake loves “good girl, good girl” but not to the point of insincerity. | 1.3130 | 0.05709 | 115 | 88 | 18 | 9 |
1692 | I'm sorry to be finding against you, but as arbiter in this matter, I had to ask myself, "who's a good boy?" | 1.3130 | 0.05841 | 115 | 89 | 16 | 10 |
1693 | Your dog wants the whole back yard and requests you remove your front tire from the Buick. He marked that before you were in this relationship. | 1.3130 | 0.05435 | 115 | 86 | 22 | 7 |
1694 | And finally, halloween costumes are completely off the table. | 1.3130 | 0.04976 | 131 | 97 | 27 | 7 |
1695 | You'll get custody of the couch Monday thru Wednesday. | 1.3125 | 0.05602 | 96 | 70 | 22 | 4 |
1696 | At this meeting, my client will be addressed as Mr. Good Boy. | 1.3125 | 0.06162 | 96 | 73 | 16 | 7 |
1697 | And last but not least, there's a certain operation you'll have to undergo. | 1.3125 | 0.05386 | 112 | 83 | 23 | 6 |
1698 | And once a year, we celebrate our Take Your Master to Work Day. If you want to participate, please sign here. | 1.3125 | 0.05234 | 112 | 82 | 25 | 5 |
1699 | This states that Buddy does not admit to eating the shoe but he does not wish to contend the charge. | 1.3125 | 0.05078 | 112 | 81 | 27 | 4 |
1700 | We spell out all our terms---for obvious reasons. | 1.3125 | 0.05981 | 96 | 72 | 18 | 6 |
1701 | He wants you to sleep on the floor | 1.3125 | 0.05602 | 96 | 70 | 22 | 4 |
1702 | He's not going to just roll over. | 1.3125 | 0.05602 | 96 | 70 | 22 | 4 |
1703 | She’ll take half your assets but she’ll still be your best friend. | 1.3125 | 0.05602 | 96 | 70 | 22 | 4 |
1704 | I think you'll find this equitable. You get the meat and he gets the bones. | 1.3125 | 0.05602 | 96 | 70 | 22 | 4 |
1705 | The Dog says that the New Yorker’s jokes used to be a lot funnier. | 1.3125 | 0.05817 | 112 | 86 | 17 | 9 |
1706 | You can have the house but Mr. Fluffy insists on shared custody of the children. | 1.3125 | 0.05234 | 112 | 82 | 25 | 5 |
1707 | All we're asking for is a seat at the table. | 1.3125 | 0.05533 | 112 | 84 | 21 | 7 |
1708 | She hears what you’re saying, but only if there’s a treat involved | 1.3120 | 0.05257 | 125 | 94 | 23 | 8 |
1709 | And as per the terms of our agreement, you now must finally disclose the identity of the 'Good boy.' | 1.3120 | 0.05005 | 125 | 92 | 27 | 6 |
1710 | Until the agreement is signed, you, Sir, are in the doghouse. | 1.3120 | 0.05257 | 125 | 94 | 23 | 8 |
1711 | In signing this you agree to give unlimited belly scratches in perpetuity. | 1.3119 | 0.05164 | 109 | 79 | 26 | 4 |
1712 | Looks like you'll be the one sleeping in the dog house now. | 1.3119 | 0.05636 | 109 | 82 | 20 | 7 |
1713 | The plaintiff intends to file a Reckless Abandonment suit, but she's willing to settle out of court right now if you'll agree to never leave for work again. | 1.3118 | 0.05716 | 93 | 68 | 21 | 4 |
1714 | My client is willing to throw you a bone. | 1.3118 | 0.05508 | 93 | 69 | 20 | 4 |
1715 | His offer is final. You keep the leash. He keeps your left slipper. | 1.3118 | 0.05917 | 93 | 69 | 19 | 5 |
1716 | So you'll get your side of the bed Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, and every other weekend. | 1.3113 | 0.05744 | 106 | 80 | 19 | 7 |
1717 | No, we’re not firing you, we’re simply sending you to our farm upstate. | 1.3113 | 0.05423 | 106 | 78 | 23 | 5 |
1718 | Rex wants you to sign a pre-pup agreement. Pretty standard language here. | 1.3113 | 0.06049 | 106 | 82 | 15 | 9 |
1719 | She says she’ll settle out of court, but she wants to see you beg. | 1.3113 | 0.05423 | 106 | 78 | 23 | 5 |
1720 | He wants full custody of the wife. | 1.3111 | 0.06047 | 90 | 67 | 18 | 5 |
1721 | He says he'll agree to your proposed settlement if you throw your slippers into the deal. | 1.3111 | 0.05837 | 90 | 66 | 20 | 4 |
1722 | With this settlement, my client drops his wrongful neutering case. | 1.3109 | 0.05566 | 119 | 91 | 19 | 9 |
1723 | I'm pleased that you are in agreement with my client in that your actions were bad. They were very, very bad. | 1.3107 | 0.05858 | 103 | 78 | 18 | 7 |
1724 | My client says you don’t have a leg to pee on. | 1.3107 | 0.05524 | 103 | 76 | 22 | 5 |
1725 | You've been SAYING he's such a good boy, and now its time to formalize it. | 1.3107 | 0.05524 | 103 | 76 | 22 | 5 |
1726 | In these types of cases, it is usually fortuitous to accept the plea bargain; “you get the house and he gets the wife”. | 1.3107 | 0.05694 | 103 | 77 | 20 | 6 |
1727 | I'm sorry but we've offered the position to Buddy. | 1.3107 | 0.05858 | 103 | 78 | 18 | 7 |
1728 | As a condition of the divorce my client is demanding unrestricted visitation rights to your front lawn and garden. | 1.3107 | 0.05168 | 103 | 74 | 26 | 3 |
1729 | My client demands that you sign this prenup. | 1.3106 | 0.04825 | 132 | 97 | 29 | 6 |
1730 | It was the scratching of the chest,the patting the rump and the nose to nose baby talk. | 1.3106 | 0.04944 | 132 | 98 | 27 | 7 |
1731 | Smell this. | 1.3103 | 0.05395 | 116 | 87 | 22 | 7 |
1732 | I assure you, my client’s bite is just as strong as his bark. | 1.3103 | 0.05965 | 87 | 64 | 19 | 4 |
1733 | Would you mind fetching these things | 1.3103 | 0.05736 | 87 | 63 | 21 | 3 |
1734 | This can all go away if you'll just sign this agreement stipulating my client's bite is, in fact, worse than her bark. | 1.3103 | 0.05736 | 87 | 63 | 21 | 3 |
1735 | Okay, that takes care of bowls and squeaky toys, let's move on to daily treats. | 1.3103 | 0.06603 | 87 | 67 | 13 | 7 |
1736 | In lieu of your pension package, the Chairman offers you his wife’s dog. | 1.3103 | 0.05666 | 116 | 89 | 18 | 9 |
1737 | Sign the dogdamn papers. | 1.3103 | 0.05532 | 116 | 88 | 20 | 8 |
1738 | And finally, my client insists that if you fall down a well, that you call her before Lassie. | 1.3103 | 0.05250 | 87 | 61 | 25 | 1 |
1739 | He’s tired of always being in the dog house | 1.3101 | 0.04643 | 129 | 93 | 32 | 4 |
1740 | Paw print, please. | 1.3101 | 0.05138 | 129 | 97 | 24 | 8 |
1741 | Yes. The NDA does cover this meeting. | 1.3100 | 0.05631 | 100 | 74 | 21 | 5 |
1742 | Just sign it, Mr. Williams. Don’t make my client play Ruff | 1.3100 | 0.05449 | 100 | 73 | 23 | 4 |
1743 | You obviously can sit. Talk to us more about your roll over.... | 1.3100 | 0.05631 | 100 | 74 | 21 | 5 |
1744 | We’re going to have to let you go, Skip. You haven’t been a good boy. | 1.3100 | 0.05260 | 100 | 72 | 25 | 3 |
1745 | One more thing: Just add that you’ll text him ‘Good boy!’ several times a day and we’ve got a deal | 1.3100 | 0.04861 | 100 | 75 | 21 | 4 |
1746 | I'm sorry that we can't help, your FIDO score is too low. | 1.3099 | 0.07118 | 71 | 54 | 12 | 5 |
1747 | My client has a bone to pick with your latest proposal. | 1.3097 | 0.05041 | 113 | 82 | 27 | 4 |
1748 | On paper, he’s a certified good boy. | 1.3095 | 0.04709 | 126 | 93 | 28 | 5 |
1749 | And this states that my client and I neither confirm nor deny chasing your ambulance. | 1.3095 | 0.04972 | 126 | 93 | 27 | 6 |
1750 | Who's in the doghouse now! | 1.3095 | 0.05861 | 84 | 61 | 20 | 3 |
1751 | She's willing to drop the action if you'll agree to stop calling her "my bitch" to your friends. | 1.3095 | 0.04972 | 126 | 93 | 27 | 6 |
1752 | Please know, the dog voted to retain you. | 1.3093 | 0.05554 | 97 | 71 | 22 | 4 |
1753 | I thought that seven-year itch was just fleas” | 1.3093 | 0.06280 | 97 | 75 | 14 | 8 |
1754 | We would have hired you,but unfortunately Fido ate your resume. | 1.3093 | 0.05744 | 97 | 72 | 20 | 5 |
1755 | My client thinks you should have the Prius, the washer/dryer, and the vacuum, but he gets the downstairs toilet, the 4k tv, and the neighbor’s cat. | 1.3093 | 0.05744 | 97 | 72 | 20 | 5 |
1756 | He said I should give you your walking papers. | 1.3093 | 0.05744 | 97 | 72 | 20 | 5 |
1757 | Final offer, three bones a day and we act like this never happened. | 1.3093 | 0.05554 | 97 | 71 | 22 | 4 |
1758 | Scruffy has asked for a separation because, although HE’S been a good boy, apparently YOU have not. | 1.3091 | 0.05285 | 110 | 81 | 24 | 5 |
1759 | My client can go as low as five belly rubs and 12 "good boys" per day, in exchange for not chewing up your slippers. Do we have an agreement? | 1.3091 | 0.05441 | 110 | 82 | 22 | 6 |
1760 | How would YOU feel about just one meal per day? | 1.3091 | 0.05592 | 110 | 83 | 20 | 7 |
1761 | And with this one, you’re agreeing to take full custody of the cat. | 1.3091 | 0.05592 | 110 | 83 | 20 | 7 |
1762 | My client is filing for divorce on the grounds of "irretrievable differences". | 1.3088 | 0.04841 | 136 | 101 | 28 | 7 |
1763 | Henceforth, you agree that each and every throwing motion shall result in the actual release of a ball. | 1.3086 | 0.06246 | 81 | 60 | 17 | 4 |
1764 | He's willing to negotiate, just don't make him beg! | 1.3085 | 0.05459 | 94 | 68 | 23 | 3 |
1765 | Muffy gets the house. You can stay in the kennel and keep the car. | 1.3085 | 0.05863 | 94 | 70 | 19 | 5 |
1766 | My client says he's ready to go on the papers. | 1.3085 | 0.06241 | 94 | 72 | 15 | 7 |
1767 | Fluffy will be sitting in on our meeting today. He’s from Nonhuman Resources. | 1.3085 | 0.06241 | 94 | 72 | 15 | 7 |
1768 | Gigi keeps the house and furniture, but she agrees to give you your choice of up to five of the chew toys. | 1.3084 | 0.05851 | 107 | 82 | 17 | 8 |
1769 | We've drawn up a pre-pup agreement.... Raw wagyu steak at least twice a week; no tricks expected; approval rights over prospective girlfriends. The usual stuff. | 1.3084 | 0.05379 | 107 | 79 | 23 | 5 |
1770 | We need your feedback on the ruff draft. | 1.3084 | 0.05541 | 107 | 80 | 21 | 6 |
1771 | Your list of duties would include belly rubs. | 1.3084 | 0.05698 | 107 | 81 | 19 | 7 |
1772 | And this is for calling my client a 'bitch.' | 1.3083 | 0.05131 | 120 | 89 | 25 | 6 |
1773 | The name of our firm is Wilson and Coco, and yes, she is a partner. | 1.3083 | 0.04850 | 120 | 90 | 25 | 5 |
1774 | Your property is a block away from the largest dog park in the city. We are prepared to offer you a generous sum for your house. Go ahead, flip it over. | 1.3083 | 0.05773 | 120 | 94 | 15 | 11 |
1775 | You'll be allowed to see the kids every other weekend | 1.3083 | 0.04912 | 133 | 99 | 27 | 7 |
1776 | Okay now write down a number and my partner and I will discuss if that's enough treats or not. | 1.3077 | 0.05479 | 104 | 77 | 22 | 5 |
1777 | My client is asking for the Manhattan crate and the East Hampton crate. | 1.3077 | 0.05073 | 117 | 86 | 26 | 5 |
1778 | My client wants to know what part of "best friend" you didn't understand. | 1.3077 | 0.06190 | 91 | 69 | 16 | 6 |
1779 | After careful consideration of your credentials, we've decided to hire Rex instead. | 1.3077 | 0.05990 | 91 | 68 | 18 | 5 |
1780 | It's corporate policy, John. Your comment, "we work you like a dog" just won't be tolerated here. | 1.3077 | 0.05647 | 104 | 78 | 20 | 6 |
1781 | Make his tail wag. | 1.3077 | 0.05567 | 91 | 66 | 22 | 3 |
1782 | My client wants the beach house, as well as your socks and the dental floss in the garbage. | 1.3077 | 0.05127 | 104 | 75 | 26 | 3 |
1783 | Mr. Chips will settle provided he is ceded both the doghouse property and indoor chewing rights. | 1.3077 | 0.05859 | 78 | 56 | 20 | 2 |
1784 | It’s a dog eat dog world So we hired the dog instead of you | 1.3077 | 0.05990 | 91 | 68 | 18 | 5 |
1785 | My client demands expanded time in the park and a new Frisbee. | 1.3077 | 0.05567 | 91 | 66 | 22 | 3 |
1786 | I'm afraid your resume didn't pass our sniff test. | 1.3077 | 0.05567 | 91 | 66 | 22 | 3 |
1787 | And finally, to ensure you are sincere, he wants to sniff you. | 1.3077 | 0.05104 | 130 | 98 | 24 | 8 |
1788 | … and of course, the vacuum cleaner will be going with you. | 1.3077 | 0.05647 | 104 | 78 | 20 | 6 |
1789 | You can keep the house but my client wants your wife in return | 1.3077 | 0.06122 | 104 | 81 | 14 | 9 |
1790 | I should warn you that this settlement will be no walk in the park. | 1.3077 | 0.04941 | 104 | 74 | 28 | 2 |
1791 | All things considered he says you weren’t the one. | 1.3071 | 0.05245 | 127 | 99 | 18 | 10 |
1792 | The prepup reads: no compromising on treats, down feather counts, and appropriate petting. | 1.3070 | 0.05305 | 114 | 85 | 23 | 6 |
1793 | Fido picked the right pile with the coin under it. Now it’s your turn. | 1.3070 | 0.05305 | 114 | 85 | 23 | 6 |
1794 | As of the new year you will no longer be best friends. | 1.3070 | 0.05449 | 114 | 86 | 21 | 7 |
1795 | Finally, as part of this prepup, my client wishes it established from the beginning and in perpetuity that he is a good boy. | 1.3069 | 0.05217 | 101 | 73 | 25 | 3 |
1796 | I've translated your dog's statement. 'Bow wow, bow wow' means 'Epstein didn't kill himself'. | 1.3069 | 0.05583 | 101 | 75 | 21 | 5 |
1797 | Page 23, paragraph 4.2, Rufus says that the wording isn't strong enough. "woof" should be replaced with "Grrrrr". | 1.3069 | 0.05758 | 101 | 76 | 19 | 6 |
1798 | You’re too controlling. He’s filing to be emancipated. | 1.3069 | 0.05758 | 101 | 76 | 19 | 6 |
1799 | I'm sorry we decided to go with loyalty. | 1.3069 | 0.05758 | 101 | 76 | 19 | 6 |
1800 | And finally, a map of all fire hydrants in a mile radius of your house. | 1.3069 | 0.05758 | 101 | 76 | 19 | 6 |
1801 | We're asking for the Malibu dog house, the fine bone china, and 50% alimony payable in spray cheese. | 1.3069 | 0.05583 | 101 | 75 | 21 | 5 |
1802 | In short, Scout's taking a walk. | 1.3068 | 0.06124 | 88 | 66 | 17 | 5 |
1803 | While not admitting to shoving Timmy into the well, my client extends this offer to make this go away. | 1.3068 | 0.05447 | 88 | 63 | 23 | 2 |
1804 | This is a collaborative divorce, I'm sure you can agree on who gets your wife. | 1.3068 | 0.06124 | 88 | 66 | 17 | 5 |
1805 | Regardless of his wagging tail, I can assure you my client is very serious. | 1.3068 | 0.05907 | 88 | 65 | 19 | 4 |
1806 | Yes, well, these proceedings would never have become necessary if you had heeded my client's earnest and urgent pleas for more walkies. | 1.3068 | 0.06537 | 88 | 68 | 13 | 7 |
1807 | He’s willing to meet you halfway on the snuggling, but frankly the number of walks you’re offering is a non-starter. | 1.3068 | 0.05682 | 88 | 64 | 21 | 3 |
1808 | This waiver allows my dog free access to your pant leg. | 1.3065 | 0.04882 | 124 | 91 | 28 | 5 |
1809 | Sure it's a bare bones deal, but it's as good as it's going to get. | 1.3063 | 0.05086 | 111 | 81 | 26 | 4 |
1810 | It says here your name is Dave but my client thinks Freckles would be way cuter. | 1.3063 | 0.05975 | 111 | 87 | 14 | 10 |
1811 | This is our final offer: my client want's his stick back" | 1.3063 | 0.05399 | 111 | 83 | 22 | 6 |
1812 | She only has one demand: The bed. | 1.3063 | 0.05548 | 111 | 84 | 20 | 7 |
1813 | My client’s position is that he’s a co-founder, not a pet. | 1.3061 | 0.05506 | 98 | 72 | 22 | 4 |
1814 | Your paperwork looks fine. Now we'll see if you pass the sniff test. | 1.3061 | 0.05694 | 98 | 73 | 20 | 5 |
1815 | By signing this you are agreeing that he is, indeed, a good boy | 1.3059 | 0.06268 | 85 | 64 | 16 | 5 |
1816 | My client keeps the territory that he has marked, e.g., the house. You may keep the cat. | 1.3059 | 0.05803 | 85 | 62 | 20 | 3 |
1817 | You witheld agreed upon treats and repeatedly failed to fairly compensate my client, despite him being, by your own admission, a 'good boy'. | 1.3059 | 0.06040 | 85 | 63 | 18 | 4 |
1818 | Firme aquí, su compañero se encargará del resto". | 1.3059 | 0.06268 | 85 | 64 | 16 | 5 |
1819 | This separation agreement stipulates you still need to pick up my clients poop. | 1.3058 | 0.05358 | 121 | 92 | 21 | 8 |
1820 | Here's the deal: You keep the kibbles, Fluffy gets the bits. | 1.3058 | 0.05095 | 121 | 90 | 25 | 6 |
1821 | His water bowl must now have ice cubes in it at all times. | 1.3056 | 0.05652 | 108 | 82 | 19 | 7 |
1822 | His 14 million Instagram followers prefer Todd, the dog walker. | 1.3056 | 0.07032 | 72 | 55 | 12 | 5 |
1823 | On these points–my client is dogged. | 1.3056 | 0.05337 | 108 | 80 | 23 | 5 |
1824 | The contract divides the duties. You'll be the one carrying the bag. | 1.3056 | 0.05172 | 108 | 79 | 25 | 4 |
1825 | As you wished, you got the dog and she got the house and kids. | 1.3056 | 0.07568 | 72 | 57 | 8 | 7 |
1826 | We've prepared your pre-puptual. | 1.3053 | 0.04584 | 131 | 97 | 29 | 5 |
1827 | Paper training is mandatory. | 1.3053 | 0.05200 | 95 | 68 | 25 | 2 |
1828 | My therapy dog made the difficult decision to terminate your employment | 1.3053 | 0.05614 | 95 | 70 | 21 | 4 |
1829 | The cat has to go. | 1.3053 | 0.05810 | 95 | 71 | 19 | 5 |
1830 | I am the one advising you. Do not look over there. | 1.3053 | 0.06000 | 95 | 72 | 17 | 6 |
1831 | Submit a caption. Play to win. | 1.3053 | 0.06362 | 95 | 74 | 13 | 8 |
1832 | He wants the mansion and you can have the doghouse. | 1.3053 | 0.05614 | 95 | 70 | 21 | 4 |
1833 | Best friend,yes,but with conditions. | 1.3053 | 0.04980 | 95 | 67 | 27 | 1 |
1834 | As you’re about to find out, a dog is not man’s best friend. | 1.3053 | 0.05810 | 95 | 71 | 19 | 5 |
1835 | Nothing will happen to your carpet, so long as my client receives adequate treats | 1.3051 | 0.05036 | 118 | 87 | 26 | 5 |
1836 | This is a ruff outline of his demands. | 1.3049 | 0.05933 | 82 | 60 | 19 | 3 |
1837 | I'm sorry, Jim. But only Rusty successfully completed the mandatory corporate obedience training. | 1.3049 | 0.06420 | 82 | 62 | 15 | 5 |
1838 | He'll stay with you, but wants your wife's biscuits. | 1.3049 | 0.06181 | 82 | 61 | 17 | 4 |
1839 | Given you pretended to throw the ball, but didn't, my client is prepared to settle for two milk bones and four tennis balls | 1.3048 | 0.05434 | 105 | 78 | 22 | 5 |
1840 | My client Fido would like you to sign this pet-nuptial agreement before he can accept you as his human. | 1.3048 | 0.05086 | 105 | 76 | 26 | 3 |
1841 | And two walks on Sundays . . . | 1.3048 | 0.05434 | 105 | 78 | 22 | 5 |
1842 | Your puppy wants you to sign this prepuptual agreement | 1.3047 | 0.04905 | 128 | 95 | 27 | 6 |
1843 | As agreed. Spike keeps the bed, the couch, and the backyard, and you keep the chair, the pillow, and the front yard. Sign here. | 1.3043 | 0.05296 | 92 | 66 | 24 | 2 |
1844 | In addition to the no-neutering clause,he also requires one of those really cool collars with the spikes on it. | 1.3043 | 0.05934 | 92 | 69 | 18 | 5 |
1845 | My assistant is in the doghouse | 1.3043 | 0.05624 | 92 | 70 | 17 | 5 |
1846 | He'll take house and the car and says you can keep your 401K and and your little trophy cat. | 1.3043 | 0.04967 | 115 | 84 | 27 | 4 |
1847 | He says, “You can keep the cat but he wants the blue water bowl.” | 1.3043 | 0.05265 | 115 | 86 | 23 | 6 |
1848 | She wants full custody and puppy support. | 1.3043 | 0.05729 | 92 | 68 | 20 | 4 |
1849 | Well,here's your pink slip and a chance to meet our new V.P. who earns 1/10 of your salary. | 1.3043 | 0.05044 | 115 | 87 | 22 | 6 |
1850 | She's taking the puppies. | 1.3043 | 0.06324 | 92 | 71 | 14 | 7 |
1851 | Before we finalize the adoption, my client wants to tighten up the language about how you define a ‘good boy.’ | 1.3040 | 0.05108 | 125 | 94 | 24 | 7 |
1852 | You can keep the house, but Mr. Waggles gets the kids | 1.3039 | 0.05536 | 102 | 76 | 21 | 5 |
1853 | Given the pandemic, my client would like a 'prepup'. | 1.3039 | 0.05174 | 102 | 74 | 25 | 3 |
1854 | Next time, bring your dog to the job interview too. | 1.3038 | 0.07059 | 79 | 62 | 10 | 7 |
1855 | My client wants visitation rights with the children on weekends in which he's a good boy. | 1.3037 | 0.04962 | 135 | 102 | 25 | 8 |
1856 | He wants you to change his name from Rover to Fred. | 1.3036 | 0.05505 | 112 | 85 | 20 | 7 |
1857 | But none of your references are canine. | 1.3036 | 0.04886 | 112 | 81 | 28 | 3 |
1858 | Sit. Stay. Roll over. | 1.3036 | 0.04886 | 112 | 81 | 28 | 3 |
1859 | Your severance contains a bonus for staying on to complete the training of Mr. Fluffykins. | 1.3036 | 0.04886 | 112 | 81 | 28 | 3 |
1860 | You can keep the house, but he wants your old slippers, his tennis ball, and the rug you wouldn't let him poop on. | 1.3036 | 0.05205 | 112 | 83 | 24 | 5 |
1861 | The question of who bit who will be answered in court, sir. | 1.3036 | 0.05505 | 112 | 85 | 20 | 7 |
1862 | My client is countering your offer to share east end of the couch with granting him exclusive rights to the lower three feet of the bed. | 1.3036 | 0.05205 | 112 | 83 | 24 | 5 |
1863 | Well then let me put this in a language you'll understand. | 1.3034 | 0.05628 | 89 | 65 | 21 | 3 |
1864 | It’s a pretty standard prepup. | 1.3034 | 0.05397 | 89 | 64 | 23 | 2 |
1865 | The one non-negotiable is that you get rid of the cat. | 1.3034 | 0.05628 | 89 | 65 | 21 | 3 |
1866 | Agreed. Henceforth my client will be known by the name Phydeaux | 1.3034 | 0.06272 | 89 | 68 | 15 | 6 |
1867 | You get the dog house. She gets the estate in the Hamptons, the Mercedes, and monthly alimony to be paid in tennis balls." | 1.3034 | 0.06472 | 89 | 69 | 13 | 7 |
1868 | And this is your standard leash agreement. | 1.3033 | 0.05320 | 122 | 93 | 21 | 8 |
1869 | She'll give you the dog house and leash but she wants all your tennis balls and the back yard. | 1.3033 | 0.05059 | 122 | 91 | 25 | 6 |
1870 | If Rover doesn't bark when you pick up the paper, you're hired. | 1.3030 | 0.05824 | 99 | 75 | 18 | 6 |
1871 | Please. Just write down your side of the story. | 1.3030 | 0.05266 | 99 | 72 | 24 | 3 |
1872 | My client is willing to accept an offer of the bowl, chew toy, bone and tennis ball as a sign of good faith.... | 1.3030 | 0.05459 | 99 | 73 | 22 | 4 |
1873 | If you do better on this little quiz than Ralph here, the job’s yours. | 1.3030 | 0.05644 | 99 | 74 | 20 | 5 |
1874 | He forfeits the house but insists on visitation rights with your wife, kids and parents. | 1.3030 | 0.05824 | 99 | 75 | 18 | 6 |
1875 | She says the weekly grooming sessions are negotiable, but the dog house in the Catskills & the costume jewelry collar are deal breakers. | 1.3028 | 0.05607 | 109 | 83 | 19 | 7 |
1876 | …and in the event that you survive Brandy, she’d like you to have the shoes she’s buried in the back yard. | 1.3028 | 0.05132 | 109 | 80 | 25 | 4 |
1877 | It may seem ridiculous Mr Smith but it’s exactly as per the pre-nup that you signed; Hector gets the ride-on lawnmower. | 1.3028 | 0.05453 | 109 | 82 | 21 | 6 |
1878 | Well of course he’s a dog but he’s an incredible attorney. It’s a real T R E A T to work with him. | 1.3028 | 0.05453 | 109 | 82 | 21 | 6 |
1879 | Your visitation rights will require two trips to an off -leash dog park. | 1.3026 | 0.06218 | 76 | 56 | 17 | 3 |
1880 | My client is asking for visitation rights of the cat and ownership of the doghouse. | 1.3026 | 0.06218 | 76 | 56 | 17 | 3 |
1881 | My client alleges you misrepresented yourself as a dog on the internet. | 1.3023 | 0.06204 | 86 | 65 | 16 | 5 |
1882 | Promise to stop picking up the cat poop in the backyard and Rex will agree to settle. | 1.3023 | 0.03749 | 129 | 101 | 24 | 4 |
1883 | My client states you breached paragraph nine of your contract, “Dog park visit on Fridays”. | 1.3023 | 0.04996 | 129 | 97 | 25 | 7 |
1884 | He"ll agree to "being fixed" if you do" | 1.3023 | 0.05980 | 86 | 64 | 18 | 4 |
1885 | …and he wants tennis ballimony for life. | 1.3023 | 0.05747 | 86 | 63 | 20 | 3 |
1886 | In exchange for three nutritious meals a day and a minimum of two daily walks my client agrees to love you unconditionally and to not destroy any upholstery. | 1.3021 | 0.05758 | 96 | 72 | 19 | 5 |
1887 | Maybe you should have thought about that before bringing some random pussy into the home you shared together. | 1.3021 | 0.05758 | 96 | 72 | 19 | 5 |
1888 | We are sorry it has come to this, but you've missed Walkies two Thursdays in a row. | 1.3021 | 0.05758 | 96 | 72 | 19 | 5 |
1889 | You get the kids. Max gets the peanut butter. | 1.3021 | 0.05946 | 96 | 73 | 17 | 6 |
1890 | Thank you for accepting the job offer. Nobody else would have a Maltese dog as their employer. | 1.3021 | 0.05758 | 96 | 72 | 19 | 5 |
1891 | We're downsizing...Beth here from HR will walk you through next steps | 1.3019 | 0.06020 | 106 | 83 | 14 | 9 |
1892 | She will sign over her dog house in exchange for a lifetime of grooming, organic food and placement with a family that doesn't call her "old stinky" | 1.3019 | 0.05869 | 106 | 82 | 16 | 8 |
1893 | If you could just sign under the paw print. | 1.3017 | 0.04931 | 116 | 85 | 27 | 4 |
1894 | My client wants half of all household waste. | 1.3015 | 0.05147 | 136 | 105 | 21 | 10 |
1895 | Sign here or my client w-a-l-k’s. | 1.3014 | 0.06668 | 73 | 55 | 14 | 4 |
1896 | Also, we keep the cafeteria well stocked with treats. | 1.3014 | 0.06668 | 73 | 55 | 14 | 4 |
1897 | I'm sorry, but he has better papers. | 1.3012 | 0.06353 | 83 | 63 | 15 | 5 |
1898 | Sorry, but Spot here is a far more qualified candidate. | 1.3012 | 0.06580 | 83 | 64 | 13 | 6 |
1899 | It's a Pre-Pup agreement. | 1.3011 | 0.06264 | 93 | 72 | 14 | 7 |
1900 | Sorry Anderson, but here at Perfumes Are Us, turns out Rusty can indeed do your job better than you. | 1.3011 | 0.06074 | 93 | 71 | 16 | 6 |
1901 | My client is fully prepared to W-A-L-K. | 1.3011 | 0.05467 | 93 | 68 | 22 | 3 |
1902 | By signing here you agree that in the case of a separation, he gets all the socks. | 1.3011 | 0.05677 | 93 | 69 | 20 | 4 |
1903 | Don’t think of it as losing your job; think of it as a new stress-free, non-work environment. | 1.3011 | 0.05879 | 93 | 70 | 18 | 5 |
1904 | It's at least one walk a day, or the shoe tearing won't stop. This is quite a good deal. | 1.3011 | 0.06074 | 93 | 71 | 16 | 6 |
1905 | Just admit it was you who farted, and we can all move on with our lives. | 1.3010 | 0.05490 | 103 | 77 | 21 | 5 |
1906 | He says you can have the house,but he wants the yard. | 1.3010 | 0.04943 | 103 | 74 | 27 | 2 |
1907 | No, Mr. Andrews, my client does not agree that two meals a day is fair compensation. | 1.3010 | 0.04747 | 103 | 73 | 29 | 1 |
1908 | The last CEO left his dog in charge. | 1.3010 | 0.05661 | 103 | 78 | 19 | 6 |
1909 | She'll let you have the dog house. | 1.3010 | 0.05314 | 103 | 76 | 23 | 4 |
1910 | The final interview requires that you allow my client to conduct a sniff test. | 1.3009 | 0.05316 | 113 | 85 | 22 | 6 |
1911 | We have a bone to pick with your adoption offer. | 1.3009 | 0.05010 | 113 | 83 | 26 | 4 |
1912 | And while not a legal pad, this does allow your dog to conduct his business inside. | 1.3000 | 0.05946 | 100 | 77 | 16 | 7 |
1913 | Take your time and chew on it. | 1.3000 | 0.06113 | 100 | 78 | 14 | 8 |
1914 | He became aware of his rights from an "Animal Planet" marathon. | 1.3000 | 0.05222 | 100 | 73 | 24 | 3 |
1915 | Fido does not recognize his male identity and should therefore not be neutered | 1.3000 | 0.05946 | 100 | 77 | 16 | 7 |
1916 | Fifi will take the doghouse and the house in the Hamptons. | 1.3000 | 0.05737 | 80 | 58 | 20 | 2 |
1917 | I'm sorry Mr. Johnson, we will not be able hire you at this time. My colleague here thinks you are overqualified. | 1.3000 | 0.05412 | 100 | 74 | 22 | 4 |
1918 | All he wants is the bowl. | 1.3000 | 0.06007 | 90 | 68 | 17 | 5 |
1919 | No attorney's fee necessary. I'm representing your dog pro-Bone-o. | 1.3000 | 0.05855 | 110 | 86 | 15 | 9 |
1920 | Before we finalize the pet adoption, Ruff will want to see some financials. | 1.3000 | 0.05104 | 120 | 90 | 24 | 6 |
1921 | He gets Carol in the divorce. | 1.3000 | 0.05108 | 90 | 64 | 25 | 1 |
1922 | Me? No. You'll report to the dog. | 1.3000 | 0.06409 | 90 | 70 | 13 | 7 |
1923 | My client requests that you stop "pretending" to pick up his waste as it taints his image as a neighborhood "dog influencer". | 1.3000 | 0.05093 | 110 | 81 | 25 | 4 |
1924 | A most unusual custody battle, but one of you has to take her. | 1.3000 | 0.06006 | 80 | 59 | 18 | 3 |
1925 | Spot is just looking for an amicable separation after you started rationing the biscuits | 1.3000 | 0.04965 | 120 | 89 | 26 | 5 |
1926 | She’ll allow you two walks a day and conjugal visits on the weekend. | 1.3000 | 0.04926 | 110 | 80 | 27 | 3 |
1927 | Four walks a day and no more Cindy and her poodle. | 1.3000 | 0.05222 | 100 | 73 | 24 | 3 |
1928 | I'm sorry your offer is rejected, she requires a doggie door and three walks a day. | 1.3000 | 0.06006 | 80 | 59 | 18 | 3 |
1929 | He asked for HR to attend this meeting. Here are your walking papers. | 1.3000 | 0.04965 | 120 | 89 | 26 | 5 |
1930 | I think we can all agree we’re well past ‘who’s a good boy’. | 1.3000 | 0.05575 | 90 | 66 | 21 | 3 |
1931 | You two are the finalists. | 1.3000 | 0.05946 | 100 | 77 | 16 | 7 |
1932 | It's customary for the dog to get at least half the bed. Max just wants what's his. | 1.3000 | 0.05517 | 70 | 51 | 18 | 1 |
1933 | Four walks a day, unlimited treats, and he sleeps in the bed—that’s our final offer. | 1.3000 | 0.05737 | 80 | 58 | 20 | 2 |
1934 | She will keep the condo, you can remain in the doghouse | 1.2992 | 0.04784 | 127 | 94 | 28 | 5 |
1935 | I'm sorry, but he's cutting you out of his will. | 1.2991 | 0.05007 | 107 | 78 | 26 | 3 |
1936 | Scraps wants full custody of your leg. | 1.2991 | 0.05429 | 107 | 83 | 17 | 7 |
1937 | These papers will certify his desire to change his name from 'Eddie' to 'Lassie' | 1.2991 | 0.05347 | 107 | 80 | 22 | 5 |
1938 | My client says she wants half the house. You can keep the car - and the kennel. | 1.2991 | 0.05180 | 107 | 79 | 24 | 4 |
1939 | You have 24 hours to find your dogs testicles | 1.2990 | 0.06072 | 97 | 75 | 15 | 7 |
1940 | And this is the 'Non Defecation' clause. | 1.2990 | 0.05112 | 97 | 70 | 25 | 2 |
1941 | I'm sorry to inform you we will have to let you go. Our new Inclusivity Officer will be a cat. | 1.2990 | 0.05707 | 97 | 73 | 19 | 5 |
1942 | Now you write down the amount of kibble you think is fair. | 1.2990 | 0.05707 | 97 | 73 | 19 | 5 |
1943 | My client claims it was you that bit him while on your postal route. | 1.2990 | 0.06072 | 97 | 75 | 15 | 7 |
1944 | I’m sorry we’ve had to let you go. The good news is that we’ve hired Bruno here after he proved to be a Very Good Boy on all your Zoom calls. | 1.2990 | 0.05707 | 97 | 73 | 19 | 5 |
1945 | Is this the report my client allegedly ate? | 1.2990 | 0.05892 | 97 | 74 | 17 | 6 |
1946 | Of course she gets the dog house. | 1.2989 | 0.05921 | 87 | 65 | 18 | 4 |
1947 | We'll have to let you go. Her health insurance is cheaper, and she won't need family leave time | 1.2989 | 0.05691 | 87 | 64 | 20 | 3 |
1948 | And, if you're planning to ask, my client has already prepared a formal answer as to "Who's a good boy?" | 1.2989 | 0.05200 | 87 | 62 | 24 | 1 |
1949 | For consideration of a bottomless bowl of biscuits, Rover conveys to you a thirty-three percent interest in his YouTube channel revenue. | 1.2989 | 0.06143 | 87 | 66 | 16 | 5 |
1950 | The petitioner cites grounds for the divorce as respondent human coming home with the scent of other dogs on him. | 1.2989 | 0.06143 | 87 | 66 | 16 | 5 |
1951 | This is your Inventoris Custodes form. You agree that anything you drop in the floor is his. | 1.2989 | 0.05691 | 87 | 64 | 20 | 3 |
1952 | If you agree to ten belly rubs per day, he will agree to only destroy one shoe per month. | 1.2989 | 0.05921 | 87 | 65 | 18 | 4 |
1953 | Before we provide the offer letter, Mr. Fluffy needs the name and address of every feline acquaintance you've had over the past ten years. | 1.2987 | 0.07175 | 77 | 61 | 9 | 7 |
1954 | Sorry for the typo. That should say ‘embark’ on a new journey. | 1.2984 | 0.04856 | 124 | 92 | 27 | 5 |
1955 | My client proposes to share custody of the frisbee. | 1.2984 | 0.04719 | 124 | 91 | 29 | 4 |
1956 | But first, you have to pass the smell test. | 1.2982 | 0.05276 | 114 | 86 | 22 | 6 |
1957 | It's a pretty standard pre-pup with a non-restraining order. | 1.2982 | 0.04973 | 114 | 84 | 26 | 4 |
1958 | Hereafter he'll be known as the puppy of the first part. | 1.2982 | 0.05700 | 114 | 89 | 16 | 9 |
1959 | He says it’s because you’re such a good boy. | 1.2981 | 0.04904 | 104 | 75 | 27 | 2 |
1960 | She gets possession of the dog house and you keep the boat and the car . | 1.2981 | 0.05271 | 104 | 77 | 23 | 4 |
1961 | As his therapist,I need you to write that he is indeed a good dog. | 1.2981 | 0.05445 | 104 | 78 | 21 | 5 |
1962 | He has a few questions to test your lovalty. | 1.2981 | 0.05614 | 104 | 79 | 19 | 6 |
1963 | Affidavit? He ate it. | 1.2981 | 0.05271 | 104 | 77 | 23 | 4 |
1964 | Don't say I didn't tell you to sign a prenup. | 1.2979 | 0.06205 | 94 | 73 | 14 | 7 |
1965 | He will no longer respond to any demeaning demands, such as requiring him to wag his tail and come running when you call his name. And he especially objects to the annual roundworm exam. | 1.2979 | 0.06018 | 94 | 72 | 16 | 6 |
1966 | My client says that on the internet you claimed to be a dog. | 1.2979 | 0.06205 | 94 | 73 | 14 | 7 |
1967 | But you can keep the cat. | 1.2979 | 0.05202 | 94 | 68 | 24 | 2 |
1968 | You need to sign this pre-pup. | 1.2979 | 0.05825 | 94 | 71 | 18 | 5 |
1969 | The claim is that you were caught petting with the bitch next door | 1.2979 | 0.05418 | 94 | 69 | 22 | 3 |
1970 | And finally, your initials here certify that my client is indeed a good boy. | 1.2979 | 0.04978 | 94 | 67 | 26 | 1 |
1971 | He wants the house, the bed, and all your left shoes. Final offer. | 1.2979 | 0.05625 | 94 | 70 | 20 | 4 |
1972 | Dr. Fido will ask you questions now. Just nod your head for "Yes", shake your head for "No", and look straight ahead if you don't know. | 1.2977 | 0.04623 | 131 | 99 | 26 | 6 |
1973 | My client seeks to resolve the contested issue of ‘who rescued whom’. | 1.2977 | 0.05048 | 131 | 100 | 23 | 8 |
1974 | I think you'll find the list of commands quite reasonable. | 1.2976 | 0.06055 | 84 | 63 | 17 | 4 |
1975 | Just sign here. She gets the doghouse and you're free to get that younger dog. | 1.2976 | 0.06287 | 84 | 64 | 15 | 5 |
1976 | Pick up the paper but don’t show it to me. I will guess our salary offer. | 1.2976 | 0.05813 | 84 | 62 | 19 | 3 |
1977 | Here is your yearly review, I need you to work more like a dog in 2022. | 1.2976 | 0.06055 | 84 | 63 | 17 | 4 |
1978 | Off course he won’t settle, did you really expect him to roll over and play dead? | 1.2976 | 0.06287 | 84 | 64 | 15 | 5 |
1979 | These are the points we'll review in today's mediation, beginning with your choice to name him 'Trump.' | 1.2976 | 0.06055 | 84 | 63 | 17 | 4 |
1980 | And once you have completed the application form, you will allow my assistant to sniff your legs. | 1.2975 | 0.05068 | 121 | 91 | 24 | 6 |
1981 | Bad news. Dog bites man is not news. Dog suing man is.. | 1.2973 | 0.05368 | 111 | 84 | 21 | 6 |
1982 | He doesn't care what the pre-adopt agreement says. Either cancel the spading appointment or prepare to replace all of your furniture and flooring! | 1.2973 | 0.07130 | 74 | 58 | 10 | 6 |
1983 | Now, where do you see yourself in dog years? | 1.2973 | 0.05368 | 111 | 84 | 21 | 6 |
1984 | Now, I know this plan might seem a little ruff... | 1.2973 | 0.05368 | 111 | 84 | 21 | 6 |
1985 | Here's his final offer: Arf woof arf arf grrrr." | 1.2973 | 0.06002 | 74 | 54 | 18 | 2 |
1986 | Now it’s your turn. Write an explanation for “bitcoin chews. | 1.2970 | 0.05367 | 101 | 75 | 22 | 4 |
1987 | You can sign this settlement, or try explaining to a jury the concept of anal gland expression. | 1.2970 | 0.06060 | 101 | 79 | 14 | 8 |
1988 | You are hereby granted right of first refusal to all morsels dropped on the floor. | 1.2970 | 0.05179 | 101 | 74 | 24 | 3 |
1989 | Can you tell me about a time when you were a good boy? | 1.2970 | 0.04984 | 101 | 73 | 26 | 2 |
1990 | My client, Mr. Digs, requires it in writing that there are to be no more commands, excluding “Come” when followed by the words “and eat!” | 1.2970 | 0.06060 | 101 | 79 | 14 | 8 |
1991 | Wolf of wall street: the sequel. | 1.2970 | 0.05548 | 101 | 76 | 20 | 5 |
1992 | Neither party shall disclose the location of any bones or bone like toys without prior written consent. | 1.2970 | 0.05724 | 101 | 77 | 18 | 6 |
1993 | He'd like half of your Instagram followers. | 1.2970 | 0.05179 | 101 | 74 | 24 | 3 |
1994 | We clearly have a leg up. | 1.2970 | 0.05548 | 101 | 76 | 20 | 5 |
1995 | I know it's ruff. | 1.2969 | 0.04880 | 128 | 96 | 26 | 6 |
1996 | Now, if you’ll just lift your leg and leave your mark. | 1.2967 | 0.06151 | 91 | 70 | 15 | 6 |
1997 | Custody is a Bitch | 1.2967 | 0.06151 | 91 | 70 | 15 | 6 |
1998 | As a signing bonus we can offer an annual supply of poop bags. | 1.2967 | 0.05741 | 91 | 68 | 19 | 4 |
1999 | And most important of all is your loyalty oath. | 1.2967 | 0.05949 | 91 | 69 | 17 | 5 |
2000 | Do you still say my client ate your home work? | 1.2967 | 0.05524 | 91 | 67 | 21 | 3 |
2001 | You sign or my client walkies. | 1.2967 | 0.04555 | 91 | 68 | 21 | 2 |
2002 | Why did you leave your previous owner? | 1.2963 | 0.06197 | 81 | 61 | 16 | 4 |
2003 | I believe you will find the settlement for your misplaced slipper quite equitable. | 1.2963 | 0.05305 | 108 | 81 | 22 | 5 |
2004 | No matter how foolish your suggestions, Rex will always give you a look that says, Wow, great idea! | 1.2963 | 0.05305 | 108 | 81 | 22 | 5 |
2005 | It's standard practice here at Fidelity | 1.2963 | 0.05622 | 108 | 83 | 18 | 7 |
2006 | This is a No Cat/No Crate clause | 1.2963 | 0.05678 | 81 | 59 | 20 | 2 |
2007 | You are now legally best friends. | 1.2963 | 0.05305 | 108 | 81 | 22 | 5 |
2008 | Plaintiff further claims emotional distress from discovering that it's not bacon. | 1.2963 | 0.05773 | 108 | 84 | 16 | 8 |
2009 | She says you may keep the leash, harness, and clippers...but the bowls and Bunny Wunny are non-negotiable... | 1.2963 | 0.05678 | 81 | 59 | 20 | 2 |
2010 | I see why you might be anxious - so let's call it 'snip' instead | 1.2963 | 0.05622 | 108 | 83 | 18 | 7 |
2011 | He know this is stressful, so, as a good faith offering, he’d like to throw you a bone | 1.2963 | 0.06197 | 81 | 61 | 16 | 4 |
2012 | So it's settled. The company, and your dog, have approved you again to work from home. | 1.2963 | 0.06197 | 81 | 61 | 16 | 4 |
2013 | Your dog has signed the separation agreement, now the ball is in your court! | 1.2960 | 0.04687 | 125 | 92 | 29 | 4 |
2014 | Unfortunately, we have decided to transfer you to a farm upstate. | 1.2959 | 0.05657 | 98 | 74 | 19 | 5 |
2015 | Sorry, the original copies were eaten. | 1.2959 | 0.05840 | 98 | 75 | 17 | 6 |
2016 | My client demands full custody of the yellow squeezie toy. | 1.2959 | 0.05840 | 98 | 75 | 17 | 6 |
2017 | Regarding that surgery you’re planning for him? This codicil requires that you go first. | 1.2959 | 0.06017 | 98 | 76 | 15 | 7 |
2018 | It's not a divorce, it's an emancipation. You can still be friends, just not best friends. | 1.2959 | 0.06190 | 98 | 77 | 13 | 8 |
2019 | He doesn’t want custody of your wife. | 1.2959 | 0.06017 | 98 | 76 | 15 | 7 |
2020 | He's my therapy dog for ethics. | 1.2958 | 0.07062 | 71 | 55 | 11 | 5 |
2021 | Chester is not negotiable as to who gets the chew toys. | 1.2957 | 0.05089 | 115 | 86 | 24 | 5 |
2022 | He refuses to do any new tricks | 1.2955 | 0.06082 | 88 | 67 | 16 | 5 |
2023 | We're looking for someone who can parse the phrase, Knick-Knack-Paddywhack give the dog a bone. | 1.2955 | 0.05863 | 88 | 66 | 18 | 4 |
2024 | He said: "You ate his work" | 1.2955 | 0.06497 | 88 | 69 | 12 | 7 |
2025 | If you agree with his terms just wag your head. | 1.2951 | 0.05165 | 122 | 93 | 22 | 7 |
2026 | By signing this NDA you agree that "Bad, bad doggie" was never uttered in his presence. | 1.2947 | 0.06147 | 95 | 74 | 14 | 7 |
2027 | He says you bit him | 1.2947 | 0.06327 | 95 | 75 | 12 | 8 |
2028 | Did you expect himto work pro bone-o? | 1.2947 | 0.05962 | 95 | 73 | 16 | 6 |
2029 | I advised against all of his concessions, but he still wants to be your good boy. | 1.2947 | 0.05370 | 95 | 70 | 22 | 3 |
2030 | You can keep the dog house; my client wants the condo. | 1.2947 | 0.05370 | 95 | 70 | 22 | 3 |
2031 | Write down your answer - he understands everything you say. | 1.2947 | 0.06147 | 95 | 74 | 14 | 7 |
2032 | Yes, he got the entire estate, including the dog house. | 1.2946 | 0.05174 | 112 | 84 | 23 | 5 |
2033 | Since you decline to vaccinate, my client is asking for the house. He is offering you his outdoor living space as part of this settlement. | 1.2946 | 0.05016 | 112 | 83 | 25 | 4 |
2034 | The pre-nup is quite clear; Noodle Doodle gets the house and the boat. | 1.2946 | 0.04853 | 112 | 87 | 19 | 6 |
2035 | Look, you're getting a deal. You get the dog and she gets the house. | 1.2946 | 0.05327 | 112 | 85 | 21 | 6 |
2036 | Now you write three nice things about Princess. | 1.2946 | 0.04721 | 129 | 96 | 28 | 5 |
2037 | Where's your dog??? | 1.2941 | 0.05755 | 85 | 63 | 19 | 3 |
2038 | The terms are in dog years. | 1.2941 | 0.05755 | 85 | 63 | 19 | 3 |
2039 | Sign! | 1.2941 | 0.05993 | 85 | 64 | 17 | 4 |
2040 | Who's a good boy? I'm sorry Carl, you're not a good boy." | 1.2941 | 0.05322 | 102 | 76 | 22 | 4 |
2041 | And if you sign the contract today it means that you are a very very good boy. | 1.2941 | 0.05501 | 102 | 77 | 20 | 5 |
2042 | You get the wife twice a month. | 1.2941 | 0.05136 | 102 | 75 | 24 | 3 |
2043 | Get rid of the new girlfriend or he W A L Ks. | 1.2941 | 0.05322 | 102 | 76 | 22 | 4 |
2044 | Sign below the paw print. Good Boy! | 1.2941 | 0.04971 | 119 | 89 | 25 | 5 |
2045 | After your last job, this should be a walk in the park. | 1.2941 | 0.05506 | 85 | 62 | 21 | 2 |
2046 | We're keeping the dog house. | 1.2941 | 0.05322 | 102 | 76 | 22 | 4 |
2047 | And, as agreed, you reliquish rights to any and all future puppies. | 1.2941 | 0.05113 | 119 | 90 | 23 | 6 |
2048 | Consider yourself lucky. The bitch said to throw you a bone. | 1.2941 | 0.05843 | 102 | 79 | 16 | 7 |
2049 | My client insists the children will be better off if you only visit on alternate weekends and holidays. | 1.2941 | 0.04109 | 119 | 91 | 24 | 4 |
2050 | I think it says, "Your offer can't be serious." | 1.2941 | 0.05246 | 85 | 61 | 23 | 1 |
2051 | I recommend you take his counteroffer of two walks a day and sleeping on your bed. | 1.2936 | 0.04843 | 109 | 82 | 23 | 4 |
2052 | We will need references from Spot, Rover and Dixie to confirm length and timing of their walks. | 1.2936 | 0.05263 | 109 | 82 | 22 | 5 |
2053 | Our final demand: no more referring to my client as ‘good boy’ in company communications. It undermines his authority and is a violation of our DEI policy. | 1.2936 | 0.05263 | 109 | 82 | 22 | 5 |
2054 | This includes full custody of all bones buried in the yard. | 1.2936 | 0.05263 | 109 | 82 | 22 | 5 |
2055 | You really should have listened to me and gotten a pre-pup | 1.2936 | 0.05422 | 109 | 83 | 20 | 6 |
2056 | In my client's defense, you do have a very biteable face Mr. Jones. | 1.2935 | 0.05893 | 92 | 70 | 17 | 5 |
2057 | In the interest of keeping things amicable,my client proposes that he gets the house and you get the kids. | 1.2935 | 0.05250 | 92 | 69 | 20 | 3 |
2058 | Treats for life for NIL rights—sign it or his instagram influencer days are over.” | 1.2935 | 0.05473 | 92 | 68 | 21 | 3 |
2059 | He just wants the yard, dog walkers, his bowl and a limo he can chase." | 1.2933 | 0.05623 | 75 | 54 | 20 | 1 |
2060 | Sadie wants the split to be amicable. She gets all the rawhide chews & kibbles and you get all the veggies & fruits. | 1.2933 | 0.06785 | 75 | 58 | 12 | 5 |
2061 | Welcome to the doghouse. Payback's a bitch. | 1.2933 | 0.07045 | 75 | 59 | 10 | 6 |
2062 | We need you to sign a pre-pup. | 1.2933 | 0.06231 | 75 | 56 | 16 | 3 |
2063 | He says you’re now to be trusted off lead. | 1.2931 | 0.04745 | 116 | 85 | 28 | 3 |
2064 | Just sign here. It is agreed that he gets the house and you get the kennel. | 1.2931 | 0.05269 | 116 | 91 | 17 | 8 |
2065 | And this is the copy you can give him to chew up after he's moved in. | 1.2931 | 0.05051 | 116 | 87 | 24 | 5 |
2066 | As Dog is your witness . . . | 1.2929 | 0.05607 | 99 | 75 | 19 | 5 |
2067 | Well, assuming you're house trained and have all your shots, the job is yours! | 1.2929 | 0.05420 | 99 | 74 | 21 | 4 |
2068 | If you agree to my clients terms, bark twice | 1.2929 | 0.05420 | 99 | 74 | 21 | 4 |
2069 | It’s a standard Pre-Nip” | 1.2927 | 0.05382 | 123 | 96 | 18 | 9 |
2070 | It's official... You're no longer best friends. | 1.2927 | 0.07046 | 82 | 66 | 8 | 8 |
2071 | So, once you sign here, the leash will officially become null and void. | 1.2927 | 0.06132 | 82 | 62 | 16 | 4 |
2072 | Per my assistant, your memo topic is "Who's a Good Boy?" | 1.2927 | 0.06605 | 82 | 64 | 12 | 6 |
2073 | It's very simple. You follow Judge McRuff's order to remove my client's electric collar or you end up with an ankle bracelet of your own. | 1.2927 | 0.05620 | 82 | 60 | 20 | 2 |
2074 | My client finds your terms to be too "ruff." | 1.2927 | 0.05620 | 82 | 60 | 20 | 2 |
2075 | Whether you sign this or not, we’re walking. | 1.2925 | 0.05356 | 106 | 80 | 21 | 5 |
2076 | He offers you visiting rights to the human female three times a month plus Christmas. That's his final offer. | 1.2925 | 0.05522 | 106 | 81 | 19 | 6 |
2077 | Payback is a bitch! | 1.2925 | 0.05522 | 106 | 81 | 19 | 6 |
2078 | My client is willing to agree to joint custody of the chew toys. | 1.2923 | 0.04429 | 130 | 95 | 32 | 3 |
2079 | Sign here, initial these; you'll be neutered in the morning. | 1.2921 | 0.05582 | 89 | 66 | 20 | 3 |
2080 | Don't worry, he's paper trained. | 1.2921 | 0.05104 | 89 | 64 | 24 | 1 |
2081 | I realize you didn’t see this coming. | 1.2921 | 0.06432 | 89 | 70 | 12 | 7 |
2082 | My client doesn’t have a bone in this fight. | 1.2921 | 0.05104 | 89 | 64 | 24 | 1 |
2083 | ...And you'll get the kids every other weekend. Any questions? | 1.2921 | 0.05348 | 89 | 65 | 22 | 2 |
2084 | You do realise the dog can do your job,right? | 1.2921 | 0.05582 | 89 | 66 | 20 | 3 |
2085 | I'll just need a John Hancock and a Rin Tin Tin. | 1.2921 | 0.06432 | 89 | 70 | 12 | 7 |
2086 | My client is suing for defamation of character, as he has ardently claimed it "wasn't him who got into the delicious garbage" and that you've tarnished his reputation of being a "good boy". | 1.2921 | 0.05348 | 89 | 65 | 22 | 2 |
2087 | Oh, and you can keep your lousy slippers! | 1.2920 | 0.05433 | 113 | 87 | 19 | 7 |
2088 | Here's your share of his kibbles and bits | 1.2920 | 0.04978 | 113 | 84 | 25 | 4 |
2089 | This is Lucky's Pre-pup. | 1.2920 | 0.05286 | 113 | 86 | 21 | 6 |
2090 | My client agrees you can keep the bed, but wishes to have the living room sofa. | 1.2917 | 0.05322 | 96 | 71 | 22 | 3 |
2091 | I'm sorry, but the can opener is a non-negotiable. | 1.2917 | 0.05322 | 96 | 71 | 22 | 3 |
2092 | Buster wants to end things amicably.” | 1.2917 | 0.05719 | 96 | 73 | 18 | 5 |
2093 | ITS A BITCH BUT YOU STILL HAVE TO COMPLETE THE APPLICATION | 1.2917 | 0.04936 | 120 | 90 | 25 | 5 |
2094 | Before he agrees to be your pet he wants to see your FICO score. | 1.2917 | 0.05524 | 96 | 72 | 20 | 4 |
2095 | I'm sorry, but you didn't go to an Ivy League obedience school. | 1.2917 | 0.06390 | 72 | 54 | 15 | 3 |
2096 | You get one weekend a month with the puppies, that's our final offer. | 1.2917 | 0.04893 | 96 | 69 | 26 | 1 |
2097 | My client,Fido,wants custody of his house and the larger one you kept mostly to yourself. | 1.2917 | 0.05719 | 96 | 73 | 18 | 5 |
2098 | He’ll be your best friend, but he will need these benefits; 401k, medical, paternity leave, 6 weeks vacation, and sick pay | 1.2917 | 0.05322 | 96 | 71 | 22 | 3 |
2099 | Look, Sam, she's throwing you a bone. | 1.2917 | 0.05524 | 96 | 72 | 20 | 4 |
2100 | All right. You get the steak he gets the bone. | 1.2917 | 0.05112 | 96 | 70 | 24 | 2 |
2101 | We kept the dog-eared copy. | 1.2917 | 0.05524 | 96 | 72 | 20 | 4 |
2102 | Thank you for your time,but our Instagram followers have unanimously decided that Scruffy is the better candidate for this position. | 1.2917 | 0.05719 | 96 | 73 | 18 | 5 |
2103 | ...and you further agree to stop blaming the dog. | 1.2913 | 0.05094 | 103 | 76 | 24 | 3 |
2104 | My client is going public with what he’s seen unless you settle at four pieces of cheese. | 1.2913 | 0.05455 | 103 | 78 | 20 | 5 |
2105 | I suggest you accept these terms. If not, Scotty is prepared to play hard ball. | 1.2913 | 0.05455 | 103 | 78 | 20 | 5 |
2106 | Bitch gets the Porsche. | 1.2911 | 0.06534 | 79 | 61 | 13 | 5 |
2107 | Before he submits to petting or snuggling he must have assurances of daily treats, ball chasing, and walks past the house with the hot poodle. | 1.2911 | 0.07013 | 79 | 63 | 9 | 7 |
2108 | Miss Fluffy's settlement offer includes you fetching your own slippers and picking up your own sticks. | 1.2911 | 0.06016 | 79 | 59 | 17 | 3 |
2109 | You just took the videos, the Instagram is all her. | 1.2909 | 0.05222 | 110 | 83 | 22 | 5 |
2110 | In summary,my client wants you to “fess up” to your own farts. | 1.2909 | 0.05532 | 110 | 85 | 18 | 7 |
2111 | He will be keeping the treats earned during the course of your relationship. | 1.2909 | 0.05222 | 110 | 83 | 22 | 5 |
2112 | There can only be one top dog | 1.2907 | 0.05698 | 86 | 64 | 19 | 3 |
2113 | Jones, here's your pink slip. Mr Barker will be taking your place. We're confident our clients will like him more than you. | 1.2907 | 0.05698 | 86 | 64 | 19 | 3 |
2114 | We have some issues with the "Fetch" clause. | 1.2907 | 0.05453 | 86 | 63 | 21 | 2 |
2115 | He gets to keep the frisbees. | 1.2906 | 0.05159 | 117 | 89 | 22 | 6 |
2116 | He is willing to meet your terms on food and belly rubs, but the cat still has to go. | 1.2903 | 0.05423 | 93 | 69 | 21 | 3 |
2117 | It's a ruff decision. | 1.2903 | 0.05838 | 93 | 71 | 17 | 5 |
2118 | While you both scored high on intelligence and loyalty, I’m afraid Sparky has definitely beaten you on the “who’s a good boy?” metric. | 1.2900 | 0.05738 | 100 | 77 | 17 | 6 |
2119 | I’m so sorry, but your résumé suggested you were a Border Collie. | 1.2900 | 0.05374 | 100 | 75 | 21 | 4 |
2120 | We are citing irreconcilable differences. Please bark if you agree. | 1.2900 | 0.05911 | 100 | 78 | 15 | 7 |
2121 | my client wants YOU to beg. | 1.2900 | 0.05738 | 100 | 77 | 17 | 6 |
2122 | We’re taking fetch off the table. | 1.2900 | 0.04777 | 100 | 72 | 27 | 1 |
2123 | This is where you agree to give provide him with chew toys, toss the ball with him every day and tell him he’s a good boy. Sign here and the adoption contract is complete. | 1.2900 | 0.04881 | 100 | 75 | 22 | 3 |
2124 | My client,is NOT this mans best friend. | 1.2900 | 0.05374 | 100 | 75 | 21 | 4 |
2125 | ... and right here it says we're not having any of that silly "fetch". | 1.2900 | 0.05559 | 100 | 76 | 19 | 5 |
2126 | Five percent of Spot's Instagram paid posts, is very fair. | 1.2900 | 0.05183 | 100 | 74 | 23 | 3 |
2127 | Describe the last time you've been both loyal and such a good boy. | 1.2897 | 0.05635 | 107 | 83 | 17 | 7 |
2128 | My client claims you have been sharing the bed with someone new. | 1.2897 | 0.04970 | 107 | 79 | 25 | 3 |
2129 | He'll bark less if you stop snoring. | 1.2895 | 0.06706 | 76 | 59 | 12 | 5 |
2130 | Your dog insists it's unconditional. | 1.2895 | 0.05672 | 114 | 90 | 15 | 9 |
2131 | I am sorry, but your parents left everything to Poochy | 1.2895 | 0.06439 | 76 | 58 | 14 | 4 |
2132 | Before he agrees to adoption, he wants a guarantee of only wet food and no shorter than a 20 foot leash. | 1.2895 | 0.05246 | 114 | 87 | 21 | 6 |
2133 | The first is a pretty standard pre-pup agreement. The second--a non-dogclosure agreement--is a little unusual. | 1.2895 | 0.06706 | 76 | 59 | 12 | 5 |
2134 | You can have the house in the Hampton's but she keeps private jet and the kibble. | 1.2895 | 0.06160 | 76 | 57 | 16 | 3 |
2135 | According to the boss, one of us is in the doghouse | 1.2895 | 0.06439 | 76 | 58 | 14 | 4 |
2136 | It's nothing personal. We're replacing you with a candidate that has unprecedented hearing skills. | 1.2895 | 0.05392 | 114 | 88 | 19 | 7 |
2137 | And the custody agreement for your wife-my client will have her at mealtimes, walkies, and every time he needs to get the tennis ball from under the couch | 1.2895 | 0.05869 | 76 | 56 | 18 | 2 |
2138 | My client has requested a clawback.” | 1.2893 | 0.05434 | 121 | 95 | 17 | 9 |
2139 | List your past employers, their breeds and owners. | 1.2892 | 0.05563 | 83 | 61 | 20 | 2 |
2140 | Take this IQ test. I'll compare your answers with Fido's. | 1.2892 | 0.06534 | 83 | 65 | 12 | 6 |
2141 | Before becoming VP of Who's A Good Boy, you have to tell us which stack of papers has the yummy underneath it. | 1.2892 | 0.06970 | 83 | 67 | 8 | 8 |
2142 | My client would like you to sign a prepup. | 1.2892 | 0.05563 | 83 | 61 | 20 | 2 |
2143 | he is suing you for alienation of affection | 1.2892 | 0.05821 | 83 | 62 | 18 | 3 |
2144 | Just sign here. It's all pretty standard -- give the dog a bone and this unpleasantness goes away. | 1.2892 | 0.05821 | 83 | 62 | 18 | 3 |
2145 | Due to your belief Trump is still president,we are concerned you do not have the requisite knowledge to do the job as well as our corporate mascot. | 1.2892 | 0.06534 | 83 | 65 | 12 | 6 |
2146 | Can you fetch? | 1.2892 | 0.06306 | 83 | 64 | 14 | 5 |
2147 | We feel peeing on the possession is nine-tenths of the law. | 1.2892 | 0.06306 | 83 | 64 | 14 | 5 |
2148 | This "work from home" thing has exceeded the time limit we set at our last meeting. He asks to be adopted by your ex. She leaves to go to work 5 days a week, serves better food and walks 3 times a day! | 1.2892 | 0.05821 | 83 | 62 | 18 | 3 |
2149 | My client has agreed that he will not chew up your sneakers if you agree to move out of the city. Do we have a deal? | 1.2891 | 0.04854 | 128 | 97 | 25 | 6 |
2150 | So here's the company security questionnaire, and then Jack here will sniff your crotch." | 1.2889 | 0.05529 | 90 | 67 | 20 | 3 |
2151 | Scruffy here says you have been a naughty boy and suggests you should work outside. | 1.2889 | 0.05529 | 90 | 67 | 20 | 3 |
2152 | So you admit your tee shirt indicating a preference for dogs was not the whole truth. | 1.2889 | 0.05529 | 90 | 67 | 20 | 3 |
2153 | We insist on a no-spay clause. | 1.2889 | 0.05529 | 90 | 67 | 20 | 3 |
2154 | You get to visit the pups twice a month. | 1.2889 | 0.05415 | 90 | 69 | 17 | 4 |
2155 | And you have to pass his sniff test. | 1.2889 | 0.05529 | 90 | 67 | 20 | 3 |
2156 | Your options are ‘beg’ or ‘roll over’. | 1.2889 | 0.06369 | 90 | 71 | 12 | 7 |
2157 | Please write an essay on why my dog thinks we should hire you. | 1.2889 | 0.05751 | 90 | 68 | 18 | 4 |
2158 | You both are being considered for our fetching position, which, I have to advise you, is very competitive, | 1.2889 | 0.06170 | 90 | 70 | 14 | 6 |
2159 | My client has extensive documented evidence for psychological abuse, including commands to play dead and forced wearing of a cone of shame. | 1.2889 | 0.05751 | 90 | 68 | 18 | 4 |
2160 | You understand, of course, he gets the house. | 1.2889 | 0.05751 | 90 | 68 | 18 | 4 |
2161 | My client saw you looking online to adopt a cat. | 1.2889 | 0.05299 | 90 | 66 | 22 | 2 |
2162 | My client is counting on you to keep him well fed- | 1.2889 | 0.04933 | 90 | 67 | 21 | 2 |
2163 | Some people have described our company as dog eat dog. What is your first impression? | 1.2887 | 0.05475 | 97 | 73 | 20 | 4 |
2164 | Section 3, Paragraph 2 expressly forbids your use of the word, 'pet' when in his company or in the company of human guests in the home. My client considers the word to be derogatory, patronizing, insulting, offensive and demeaning. | 1.2887 | 0.05475 | 97 | 73 | 20 | 4 |
2165 | I think we all know who has been a good boy and who has not. | 1.2887 | 0.04625 | 97 | 69 | 28 | 0 |
2166 | These papers annul the best friend agreement. | 1.2887 | 0.05068 | 97 | 71 | 24 | 2 |
2167 | This is the "No clipping his paws" clause. | 1.2887 | 0.05276 | 97 | 72 | 22 | 3 |
2168 | You can have the house, the car, and the cabin in the Berkshires. All he wants are the cat's litter box, your old shoes, and his balls back. | 1.2887 | 0.06035 | 97 | 76 | 14 | 7 |
2169 | He wants three walkies a day and the right to sleep on the bed, with or without the girlfriend. | 1.2887 | 0.05855 | 97 | 75 | 16 | 6 |
2170 | Sorry. He won't budge. He claims your ex feeds him much better than you do and her place is by the park. | 1.2887 | 0.05276 | 97 | 72 | 22 | 3 |
2171 | Rosco would like to renegotiate the terms of the adoption. | 1.2887 | 0.05475 | 97 | 73 | 20 | 4 |
2172 | Sign here to agree that my client will take the house while you will take the dog house and you get to keep the wife. | 1.2885 | 0.05409 | 104 | 79 | 20 | 5 |
2173 | …and if we can fetch your signature here… | 1.2885 | 0.05234 | 104 | 78 | 22 | 4 |
2174 | Take the offer or we'll bury you in court and/or the backyard. | 1.2883 | 0.05635 | 111 | 87 | 16 | 8 |
2175 | Here's the final decree based on denial of daily walks and other infidelities! | 1.2883 | 0.05337 | 111 | 85 | 20 | 6 |
2176 | My client wishes to dissolve his ownership contract. He has a number of other options. | 1.2883 | 0.04938 | 111 | 85 | 21 | 5 |
2177 | He says if you really love him you will let him go. | 1.2881 | 0.05121 | 118 | 90 | 22 | 6 |
2178 | He's offering you a woof over your head. | 1.2881 | 0.05260 | 118 | 91 | 20 | 7 |
2179 | Here are you petimony papers to sign. | 1.2881 | 0.04977 | 118 | 89 | 24 | 5 |
2180 | Irreconcilable differences...she wants to sniff other people. | 1.2881 | 0.05396 | 118 | 92 | 18 | 8 |
2181 | Instead of an interview, we check your IQ compared to the company dog . | 1.2879 | 0.07406 | 66 | 52 | 9 | 5 |
2182 | About this affidavit where you swear you didn't allegedly pet the neighbor's cat... | 1.2875 | 0.05680 | 80 | 59 | 19 | 2 |
2183 | My client is requesting you sign this NDA regarding any witnessed poop-eating incidents. | 1.2875 | 0.05680 | 80 | 59 | 19 | 2 |
2184 | As you see, we have diversified our staff. | 1.2875 | 0.06212 | 80 | 61 | 15 | 4 |
2185 | So, Mr. Smith, my client plans to sue you on the claim that when you threw the ball, your hand was actually, in fact, empty. We'll see you in court. | 1.2875 | 0.06702 | 80 | 63 | 11 | 6 |
2186 | This is a list of some of the things you'll have to be able to do if you're hired: sit, stay, fetch, rollover, shake hands, and a few more. | 1.2874 | 0.05642 | 87 | 65 | 19 | 3 |
2187 | I was hoping you might be willing to train your replacement. | 1.2874 | 0.06097 | 87 | 67 | 15 | 5 |
2188 | My client insisted that this case be handled pro bone. | 1.2874 | 0.06097 | 87 | 67 | 15 | 5 |
2189 | I'm representing him pro bono. | 1.2874 | 0.05642 | 87 | 65 | 19 | 3 |
2190 | You keep the house and he can stick his head out of the car window on the way home from the park. | 1.2874 | 0.06097 | 87 | 67 | 15 | 5 |
2191 | Just sign, “Arf” and we’re done here. | 1.2874 | 0.05874 | 87 | 66 | 17 | 4 |
2192 | My client asks you to omit the homework eating accusations. | 1.2874 | 0.06097 | 87 | 67 | 15 | 5 |
2193 | No pressure, MIT. But you’re up against AKC. | 1.2872 | 0.05583 | 94 | 71 | 19 | 4 |
2194 | The party of the first part would like the party of the second part to allow the party of the first part to stick his head fully out of the window while proceeding in the vehicle without regard to vehicle speed or weather conditions. | 1.2872 | 0.05784 | 94 | 72 | 17 | 5 |
2195 | I'm sorry but my client is not going to roll over on this. | 1.2872 | 0.05583 | 94 | 71 | 19 | 4 |
2196 | Nevertheless,the prepuptial agreement stands. | 1.2872 | 0.05374 | 94 | 70 | 21 | 3 |
2197 | My client has asked me to write a number representing the bags of Snausages he will require if you insist on naming him "Poochini." | 1.2872 | 0.05784 | 94 | 72 | 17 | 5 |
2198 | My client would like a statement from you! He's all ears! | 1.2872 | 0.05583 | 94 | 71 | 19 | 4 |
2199 | He wants the bed in the master suite. | 1.2871 | 0.05328 | 101 | 76 | 21 | 4 |
2200 | The company is strongly committed to diversity” | 1.2871 | 0.05688 | 101 | 78 | 17 | 6 |
2201 | He wants proof of your pedigree. | 1.2871 | 0.05328 | 101 | 76 | 21 | 4 |
2202 | My client is a free agent and has received an attractive offer from the Johnson's down the street. They're much more lenient about "people food". | 1.2871 | 0.05328 | 101 | 76 | 21 | 4 |
2203 | Bailey is suing you for custody of your wife. | 1.2871 | 0.04943 | 101 | 74 | 25 | 2 |
2204 | Given that you were witness to a recent incident involving Fido and your girlfriends leg, not to mention numerous incidences of urination and defecation, we are asking you to sign this NDA. | 1.2871 | 0.05139 | 101 | 75 | 23 | 3 |
2205 | He insists that you sign the "No Cats" clause before he agrees to be your family pet. | 1.2871 | 0.05688 | 101 | 78 | 17 | 6 |
2206 | You’d better sign. My client refuses to roll over. | 1.2870 | 0.05589 | 108 | 84 | 17 | 7 |
2207 | You'll be working from home, maybe appear in person once a month. But the dog is welcome here anytime. | 1.2870 | 0.05271 | 108 | 82 | 21 | 5 |
2208 | Yes he is vaccinated! | 1.2870 | 0.05742 | 108 | 85 | 15 | 8 |
2209 | This is a standard, legal, alpha dog contract recognizing better living conditions and submissive behavior on your part. | 1.2868 | 0.05185 | 129 | 101 | 19 | 9 |
2210 | My client wants sole custody of your wife. | 1.2857 | 0.06629 | 77 | 60 | 12 | 5 |
2211 | Buster will work for kibble. What are your salary requirements? | 1.2857 | 0.06629 | 77 | 60 | 12 | 5 |
2212 | His knowledge of leash laws is quite extensive; we'd like to see your essay on the same theme. | 1.2857 | 0.05191 | 105 | 79 | 22 | 4 |
2213 | Sorry your new year me | 1.2857 | 0.05696 | 91 | 69 | 18 | 4 |
2214 | Your paw print on the bottom line is all we require, | 1.2857 | 0.04795 | 119 | 89 | 26 | 4 |
2215 | The position is for narcotic detection not narcotic detective. | 1.2857 | 0.05696 | 105 | 82 | 16 | 7 |
2216 | If you know what's good for you, Mister Kopinski, you'll play ball. | 1.2857 | 0.05230 | 98 | 73 | 22 | 3 |
2217 | Despite your adversary’s whining, I actually think it’s a very fair settlement. | 1.2857 | 0.04275 | 140 | 106 | 29 | 5 |
2218 | Sit" is okay. "Roll over and play dead" is out | 1.2857 | 0.05761 | 84 | 63 | 18 | 3 |
2219 | Fluffy gets everything but the doghouse...you get the doghouse. | 1.2857 | 0.05533 | 105 | 81 | 18 | 6 |
2220 | It's a kick back Mr. Black, give the dog a loan. | 1.2857 | 0.05618 | 98 | 75 | 18 | 5 |
2221 | According to my client, the day you brought the cat home was one of many premeditated adulteries." | 1.2857 | 0.05696 | 91 | 69 | 18 | 4 |
2222 | This is a bit awkward. Normally two candidates don’t meet like this. | 1.2857 | 0.05855 | 105 | 83 | 14 | 8 |
2223 | let's see if you can learn new things. | 1.2857 | 0.05477 | 91 | 68 | 20 | 3 |
2224 | He'd like you to take the lead. | 1.2857 | 0.05012 | 105 | 78 | 24 | 3 |
2225 | I'm sorry, but you'll need separate representation. | 1.2857 | 0.06005 | 84 | 64 | 16 | 4 |
2226 | Mr. Snuffles is a certified notary. | 1.2857 | 0.05507 | 84 | 62 | 20 | 2 |
2227 | He wants all of the squeaky toys | 1.2857 | 0.06239 | 84 | 65 | 14 | 5 |
2228 | You can read Fido's memoir before its published, but he won't change a word of it. | 1.2857 | 0.05365 | 105 | 80 | 20 | 5 |
2229 | He can smell a rat. | 1.2857 | 0.05906 | 91 | 70 | 16 | 5 |
2230 | My client defends his actions of defecating on the rug, on the account that your entire place is a "Sh*t Hole". | 1.2857 | 0.05477 | 91 | 68 | 20 | 3 |
2231 | My client wants full custody of the tennis balls. | 1.2857 | 0.05191 | 105 | 79 | 22 | 4 |
2232 | My client would like it in writing that he’s a ‘good boy.’ | 1.2857 | 0.05025 | 98 | 72 | 24 | 2 |
2233 | Your signature means "Hence-forth I have no other god than Buster." | 1.2857 | 0.05365 | 105 | 80 | 20 | 5 |
2234 | Don’t worry, we’ll still be best friends. | 1.2857 | 0.06153 | 70 | 52 | 16 | 2 |
2235 | He gets the house and, of course, the pickup. | 1.2857 | 0.05761 | 84 | 63 | 18 | 3 |
2236 | This appendix outlines my client's minimum net worth requirements, which are typical for a rescue of her breed. | 1.2857 | 0.05141 | 112 | 85 | 22 | 5 |
2237 | And because my client did not consent to being neutered, this is his settlement demand for pain and suffering. | 1.2857 | 0.06239 | 84 | 65 | 14 | 5 |
2238 | Yes the 2 best things about the job are that you can have your dog go to meetings for you and no one needs to wear pants. | 1.2857 | 0.05146 | 126 | 98 | 20 | 8 |
2239 | Before Buddy will agree to go home with you, he seeks your assurance that the cat sleeps outside. | 1.2857 | 0.05240 | 84 | 61 | 22 | 1 |
2240 | ...so sign this and all his TikTok proceeds will got o you. | 1.2857 | 0.05761 | 84 | 63 | 18 | 3 |
2241 | Of course,we will expect you to learn to fetch and roll over After which we may consider you for regular employment | 1.2857 | 0.05696 | 91 | 69 | 18 | 4 |
2242 | As your fiancé, it's my duty to tell you our dog is demanding to be our joint best man; it's all here in paw-print! | 1.2857 | 0.06110 | 91 | 71 | 14 | 6 |
2243 | Sorry but the dog wrote a better essay on what it takes to be a good dog owner. | 1.2857 | 0.05761 | 84 | 63 | 18 | 3 |
2244 | Pookie will settle for a yak bone, legal costs, and a half-page ad in the Sunday paper in which you admit that it was you, not Pookie, who defecated on the neighbor's yard. | 1.2857 | 0.06005 | 84 | 64 | 16 | 4 |
2245 | All it says is "Ball" but he would still like you to sign it. | 1.2857 | 0.06005 | 84 | 64 | 16 | 4 |
2246 | My client suggests that he take the cabin and that you keep the dog house. | 1.2857 | 0.05477 | 91 | 68 | 20 | 3 |
2247 | I'm sorry Bill, but Rex just is a better employee, so we have to let you go. | 1.2857 | 0.05507 | 84 | 62 | 20 | 2 |
2248 | The terms stipulated here are exactly those to which you agreed in the prepup. | 1.2857 | 0.05618 | 98 | 75 | 18 | 5 |
2249 | He says you've been stealing his mail. | 1.2857 | 0.05365 | 105 | 80 | 20 | 5 |
2250 | How are you at doggerel? | 1.2846 | 0.04663 | 130 | 98 | 27 | 5 |
2251 | Do you feed squirrels or own a cat? If yes, please explain. | 1.2845 | 0.05310 | 116 | 90 | 19 | 7 |
2252 | I'm really sorry,but the dog has much better people skills. | 1.2844 | 0.05229 | 109 | 83 | 21 | 5 |
2253 | Before you sign, please understand that Fido would still like to "stay friends" . . . | 1.2844 | 0.04893 | 109 | 81 | 25 | 3 |
2254 | Yes, I know you said she can keep the dog, but apparently someone wants that in writing. | 1.2844 | 0.05695 | 109 | 86 | 15 | 8 |
2255 | Please list any prior experience in regards to throwing balls. | 1.2844 | 0.04893 | 109 | 81 | 25 | 3 |
2256 | She says she'll split the treats and chew toys 50-50, but she gets the house. | 1.2844 | 0.04438 | 109 | 81 | 26 | 2 |
2257 | He gets the house. You get the kids. | 1.2843 | 0.05464 | 102 | 78 | 19 | 5 |
2258 | My client demands the return of his testicles. | 1.2843 | 0.05808 | 102 | 80 | 15 | 7 |
2259 | And, finally, this is the Non-Neutering Agreement, which will remain in force as long as he is a good boy. | 1.2843 | 0.05283 | 102 | 77 | 21 | 4 |
2260 | My client requested pro bone-o. | 1.2843 | 0.05639 | 102 | 79 | 17 | 6 |
2261 | My client wants to ensure you will be meeting your regular walking obligations. | 1.2843 | 0.05096 | 102 | 76 | 23 | 3 |
2262 | We won’t get anywhere unless you give up the sofa. | 1.2842 | 0.05325 | 95 | 71 | 21 | 3 |
2263 | My client claims multiple incidences of unknown hair on your pants | 1.2842 | 0.05111 | 95 | 70 | 23 | 2 |
2264 | Scratch, sniff, and sign here. | 1.2842 | 0.05532 | 95 | 72 | 19 | 4 |
2265 | Of course, Skippy, we encourage our employees to bring their emotional support humans to work. | 1.2841 | 0.05587 | 88 | 66 | 19 | 3 |
2266 | He's senior counsel for the ASPCA. Deal with it! | 1.2841 | 0.05587 | 88 | 66 | 19 | 3 |
2267 | You have seen that the proposal has passed my client’s sniff test. | 1.2841 | 0.05348 | 88 | 65 | 21 | 2 |
2268 | My client says that this time he will not "roll over". | 1.2841 | 0.06036 | 88 | 68 | 15 | 5 |
2269 | He says he wants the wife and the kids. You can have the cats. Otherwise he's taking it to court. | 1.2841 | 0.05816 | 88 | 67 | 17 | 4 |
2270 | She says the rescue was forced. | 1.2841 | 0.05587 | 88 | 66 | 19 | 3 |
2271 | This concludes the arbitration. Buster will resume rolling over. In return, Buster gets to eat your slippers. | 1.2840 | 0.05620 | 81 | 62 | 16 | 3 |
2272 | My client is offering weekend walks in exchange for nightly belly rubs. | 1.2840 | 0.05620 | 81 | 60 | 19 | 2 |
2273 | I think you’ll find this offer worse than his bite. | 1.2840 | 0.05339 | 81 | 59 | 21 | 1 |
2274 | Again, my client says, 'woof!' | 1.2840 | 0.06391 | 81 | 63 | 13 | 5 |
2275 | If you dressed as well as your dog, you'd probably have a job by now. | 1.2840 | 0.05889 | 81 | 61 | 17 | 3 |
2276 | Sign here. If the dog barks you are toast" | 1.2838 | 0.06241 | 74 | 56 | 15 | 3 |
2277 | We agree that you can keep all shoes and socks, but we are keeping Sharon. | 1.2838 | 0.05616 | 74 | 54 | 19 | 1 |
2278 | I’m afraid my client isn’t willing to budge on the raw hide severance package. | 1.2837 | 0.03674 | 141 | 110 | 26 | 5 |
2279 | My client agrees to continue with the Wednesday walks as long as he doesn't have to wear a dog collar and shower afterwards, of course! | 1.2833 | 0.05046 | 120 | 92 | 22 | 6 |
2280 | Duke is very sorry and sadly has rejected your application as a adopter. | 1.2833 | 0.04906 | 120 | 91 | 24 | 5 |
2281 | So Fido gets the house, and you get the yard. Just sign here. | 1.2833 | 0.04611 | 120 | 89 | 28 | 3 |
2282 | He just seems more loyal than you. | 1.2832 | 0.05102 | 113 | 86 | 22 | 5 |
2283 | We don't do best friends | 1.2830 | 0.05321 | 106 | 81 | 20 | 5 |
2284 | You haven't played in ten years. We're pushing for full custody of the tennis balls. | 1.2830 | 0.05149 | 106 | 80 | 22 | 4 |
2285 | Do you know cursive? | 1.2830 | 0.05321 | 106 | 81 | 20 | 5 |
2286 | Let’s see if you pass the loyalty test. | 1.2830 | 0.05149 | 106 | 80 | 22 | 4 |
2287 | My client is requesting half of the kennel equity, and those items marked in urine. | 1.2830 | 0.05648 | 106 | 83 | 16 | 7 |
2288 | My client is prepared to settle for a belly rub. | 1.2828 | 0.05380 | 99 | 75 | 20 | 4 |
2289 | She wants the BarcaLounger. | 1.2828 | 0.05750 | 99 | 77 | 16 | 6 |
2290 | You can keep the house. But my client reserves the right to dig holes in the lawn whenever he likes. | 1.2828 | 0.04771 | 99 | 72 | 26 | 1 |
2291 | … and you are to provide food and water and agree to get neutered. | 1.2828 | 0.05185 | 99 | 74 | 22 | 3 |
2292 | He knows you shook on it ,but he wants it in writing! | 1.2828 | 0.05380 | 99 | 75 | 20 | 4 |
2293 | I've hired my dog Armando to conserve your trust | 1.2828 | 0.05568 | 99 | 76 | 18 | 5 |
2294 | I’m sorry. The new guy is just better at sniffing out new opportunities. | 1.2828 | 0.05927 | 99 | 78 | 14 | 7 |
2295 | He keeps the Laz-Z-Boy and the diamond collar, you get visiting rights to Miss Kitty and all the leftovers. | 1.2826 | 0.05642 | 92 | 70 | 18 | 4 |
2296 | This is our reply. Bear in mind it's just a ruff draft. | 1.2826 | 0.05426 | 92 | 69 | 20 | 3 |
2297 | As gender-neutral, they don't like you saying "Here boy." | 1.2826 | 0.05642 | 92 | 70 | 18 | 4 |
2298 | Sign this now or we'll be forced to bring the cat in for further testimony against you. | 1.2826 | 0.05426 | 92 | 69 | 20 | 3 |
2299 | My client claims custody of your heart. | 1.2826 | 0.05642 | 92 | 70 | 18 | 4 |
2300 | Your mother was a dog lover, so Rover will inherit all the multi-million dollar estate, while you and your cat will each get $500. | 1.2826 | 0.05850 | 92 | 71 | 16 | 5 |
2301 | Estate planning is just a little more complicated in dog years. | 1.2824 | 0.04911 | 85 | 61 | 24 | 0 |
2302 | Let's review the terms of the separation anxiety | 1.2824 | 0.05452 | 85 | 63 | 20 | 2 |
2303 | And he also wants his name used as a password only on very important websites | 1.2824 | 0.06398 | 85 | 67 | 12 | 6 |
2304 | Of course the divorce won't be final until you return my client's chewy toy and water bowl. | 1.2824 | 0.05452 | 85 | 63 | 20 | 2 |
2305 | My client would like full custody of the dog treats | 1.2824 | 0.05944 | 85 | 65 | 16 | 4 |
2306 | He knows it's a dog's life, so you agree that every time you tell him, again, 'It's a dog's life,' or 'It's the life of a dog,' or any equivalent reminder of his quote dogness close quote, he may bite your ankle with impunity. | 1.2824 | 0.05703 | 85 | 64 | 18 | 3 |
2307 | He wants the cat out by tomorrow. | 1.2824 | 0.05703 | 85 | 64 | 18 | 3 |
2308 | She will retain the main the house, garden and of course her old dog house. | 1.2823 | 0.04799 | 124 | 94 | 25 | 5 |
2309 | You can keep your bedroom, but the couch and backyard are hers. | 1.2823 | 0.04138 | 124 | 92 | 30 | 2 |
2310 | This next page waives your right to palimony. | 1.2821 | 0.06024 | 78 | 59 | 16 | 3 |
2311 | If you'll just sign here, Bruno says you can have the cat; he gets the rest. | 1.2821 | 0.06554 | 78 | 61 | 12 | 5 |
2312 | No. In this instance, we call it a PrePup | 1.2821 | 0.04982 | 117 | 89 | 23 | 5 |
2313 | ...And she demands playing fetch a minimum of thrice daily. | 1.2821 | 0.06024 | 78 | 59 | 16 | 3 |
2314 | Bad contract! He wants you to roll it up and hit yourself in the face with it. | 1.2821 | 0.06554 | 78 | 61 | 12 | 5 |
2315 | I know you are just starting, but here is your resignation form.” | 1.2821 | 0.06803 | 78 | 62 | 10 | 6 |
2316 | Too late. You already shook on it | 1.2818 | 0.05649 | 110 | 87 | 15 | 8 |
2317 | Your “bad boy” vibes simply have no place in this company | 1.2818 | 0.05024 | 110 | 83 | 23 | 4 |
2318 | Don't worry. It's only a formality. | 1.2818 | 0.05346 | 110 | 85 | 19 | 6 |
2319 | She gets the dog house and the treats | 1.2818 | 0.05024 | 110 | 83 | 23 | 4 |
2320 | You can keep the house and the car, but the squeaky toes and stray socks are hers. | 1.2812 | 0.05678 | 96 | 74 | 17 | 5 |
2321 | This paper states that you cannot throw an invisible ball for him any more | 1.2812 | 0.06231 | 96 | 77 | 11 | 8 |
2322 | He's a dog,he doesn't need sensitivity training | 1.2812 | 0.05482 | 96 | 73 | 19 | 4 |
2323 | My client is willing to settle the case right now for more pats, belly rubs, and, I quote, "Who's a good boy?" | 1.2812 | 0.05278 | 96 | 72 | 21 | 3 |
2324 | Look at that subtle off-white colouring. The tasteful thickness of it. Oh my God, it even has a watermark. | 1.2812 | 0.05581 | 96 | 76 | 14 | 6 |
2325 | So. No more eating her kibble, ok? | 1.2812 | 0.05678 | 96 | 74 | 17 | 5 |
2326 | Please list 3 reasons why dogs make excellent executives. | 1.2812 | 0.05066 | 96 | 71 | 23 | 2 |
2327 | As a faithful companion, all these years, he feels entitled to half of everything. | 1.2812 | 0.05482 | 96 | 73 | 19 | 4 |
2328 | I'm afraid the least we will accept is 3 tummy rubs per day. | 1.2812 | 0.05678 | 96 | 74 | 17 | 5 |
2329 | If you concede to the enhanced walk schedule laid out in Appendix A, my client agrees not to ruin any more pairs of your slippers. | 1.2812 | 0.05482 | 96 | 73 | 19 | 4 |
2330 | My assistant here tells me that you did not scratch him behind the ears, and that you failed to give him a Christmas biscuit. What do you have to say for yourself? | 1.2810 | 0.05010 | 121 | 93 | 22 | 6 |
2331 | All she wants is the collection of old sneakers. You can keep the cat. | 1.2809 | 0.05297 | 89 | 66 | 21 | 2 |
2332 | Co-sign and the doghouse is his. | 1.2809 | 0.05533 | 89 | 67 | 19 | 3 |
2333 | By signing here, you relinquish all rights to his stud fees. | 1.2809 | 0.05533 | 89 | 67 | 19 | 3 |
2334 | My client maintains that, as a member of the household, he's entitled to do a bit of re-decorating. | 1.2809 | 0.05977 | 89 | 69 | 15 | 5 |
2335 | …going forward , my client would like all inquiries concerning who’s a good boy in writing | 1.2809 | 0.05297 | 89 | 66 | 21 | 2 |
2336 | He wants you to define "best." | 1.2809 | 0.05759 | 89 | 68 | 17 | 4 |
2337 | My client gets the house, the yard and custody of the dog walker. You can keep the leash, the flea comb and the cat. | 1.2809 | 0.05759 | 89 | 68 | 17 | 4 |
2338 | It's a puppy pre~nup | 1.2809 | 0.05759 | 89 | 68 | 17 | 4 |
2339 | By signing this, you agree never to own a dog who is smarter than you again. | 1.2809 | 0.05759 | 89 | 68 | 17 | 4 |
2340 | 'This freedom of information request obligates you to disclose who is a good boy.' | 1.2807 | 0.05214 | 114 | 88 | 20 | 6 |
2341 | His only demand is that he retains the 'dog park friends' as his own. | 1.2807 | 0.05063 | 114 | 87 | 22 | 5 |
2342 | My client’s got a bone to pick with you! | 1.2807 | 0.05361 | 114 | 89 | 18 | 7 |
2343 | He’s not demanding an end to the relationship, just a paws. | 1.2807 | 0.05063 | 114 | 89 | 19 | 6 |
2344 | This explains your duties if Rover here picks you to be his dog walker, after he conducts the interview. | 1.2805 | 0.06322 | 82 | 64 | 13 | 5 |
2345 | He’s just not sure you are Master material…. | 1.2805 | 0.06322 | 82 | 64 | 13 | 5 |
2346 | You can have my old office, the one with the fire hydrant. | 1.2805 | 0.05285 | 82 | 60 | 21 | 1 |
2347 | You chose Hank from the office as your best friend. Here's the compensation we're claiming. | 1.2805 | 0.06322 | 82 | 64 | 13 | 5 |
2348 | He's got a bone to pick with you. | 1.2805 | 0.06556 | 82 | 65 | 11 | 6 |
2349 | He can sense fear. | 1.2805 | 0.06079 | 82 | 63 | 15 | 4 |
2350 | It’s his final offer: walks on demand, steak for dinner and unlimited treats. Oh, and he sleeps where he wants | 1.2805 | 0.05827 | 82 | 62 | 17 | 3 |
2351 | My client argues that this operation will violate his reproductive rights. | 1.2805 | 0.05827 | 82 | 62 | 17 | 3 |
2352 | Well, do you want to be top dog in this company or not? | 1.2804 | 0.05108 | 107 | 81 | 22 | 4 |
2353 | My client would like full custody of any and all toys. | 1.2804 | 0.05442 | 107 | 83 | 18 | 6 |
2354 | It was close, but she clearly out performed you on the written. | 1.2804 | 0.05277 | 107 | 82 | 20 | 5 |
2355 | Rufus claims that you took your lunch out of the fridge and didn't give him a bite. Is that true? | 1.2800 | 0.05333 | 100 | 76 | 20 | 4 |
2356 | You always asked my client questions. Here are her answers and demands. | 1.2800 | 0.04899 | 125 | 96 | 23 | 6 |
2357 | Here, look at the ownership agreement. It clearly states no dry kibble. | 1.2800 | 0.05519 | 100 | 77 | 18 | 5 |
2358 | Your best friend insists you return to the office. | 1.2800 | 0.06208 | 100 | 81 | 10 | 9 |
2359 | Okay. I've just added the "help me find a girlfriend during park and beach walks" clause to your pet prenup. | 1.2796 | 0.05376 | 93 | 70 | 20 | 3 |
2360 | If he can have the frisbee collection, he’ll drop everything else. | 1.2796 | 0.05376 | 93 | 70 | 20 | 3 |
2361 | I know he was the one that cheated, but there's no way you're getting the dog house. | 1.2796 | 0.05376 | 93 | 70 | 20 | 3 |
2362 | He has agreed to let you keep the cat. | 1.2796 | 0.05376 | 93 | 70 | 20 | 3 |
2363 | He wants "You're a good boy" in writing. | 1.2796 | 0.05590 | 93 | 71 | 18 | 4 |
2364 | My client asks if you can throw him a bone and we'll get all this settled. | 1.2796 | 0.05795 | 93 | 72 | 16 | 5 |
2365 | She requests custody of the dogwalker. | 1.2796 | 0.05154 | 93 | 69 | 22 | 2 |
2366 | Sorry, we only employ blonds. | 1.2796 | 0.05376 | 93 | 70 | 20 | 3 |
2367 | This form releases my client from any and all claims, or as we like to say in the Industry, unleashes him. | 1.2796 | 0.05993 | 93 | 73 | 14 | 6 |
2368 | Further more my client insists that you sign this stipulation stating that he is 'a good boy, in fact, a very good boy'. | 1.2796 | 0.06185 | 93 | 74 | 12 | 7 |
2369 | I'm afraid this is our best and final offer. Spot wishes to remind you that you once referred to him as "The dimwitted urinator." | 1.2796 | 0.05795 | 93 | 72 | 16 | 5 |
2370 | We want you to give us the Stick account. And we won't let it go. | 1.2794 | 0.04264 | 136 | 104 | 28 | 4 |
2371 | Add one more daily belly rub, and you've got yourself a deal. | 1.2793 | 0.04818 | 111 | 83 | 25 | 3 |
2372 | To help me make up my mind, write a letter to my dog. | 1.2793 | 0.05456 | 111 | 87 | 17 | 7 |
2373 | It IS an unusual custody-sharing request. | 1.2793 | 0.04985 | 111 | 84 | 23 | 4 |
2374 | My client has requested that you return to your workplace immediately and stop talking to him as if he were your life coach | 1.2793 | 0.05147 | 111 | 85 | 21 | 5 |
2375 | It's a bitch, but someone's got to make the decision. | 1.2793 | 0.04985 | 111 | 84 | 23 | 4 |
2376 | I was initially skeptical of you bringing Snowball to the office. But now that he runs HR, he's decided you should stay home. | 1.2791 | 0.06544 | 86 | 69 | 10 | 7 |
2377 | The doghouse is non-negotiable. | 1.2791 | 0.06111 | 86 | 67 | 14 | 5 |
2378 | He’ll give up half his kibble if you agree to forfeit the leash. | 1.2791 | 0.05139 | 86 | 63 | 22 | 1 |
2379 | No, he gets the house, you get the kennel | 1.2791 | 0.04919 | 129 | 100 | 22 | 7 |
2380 | He's letting you keep the house, but he wants the couch. | 1.2791 | 0.05398 | 86 | 64 | 20 | 2 |
2381 | He says you've been a good boy. You get your raise. | 1.2791 | 0.05646 | 86 | 65 | 18 | 3 |
2382 | Fetching will be limited to week days, treats will be given without begging and no cats. | 1.2791 | 0.06331 | 86 | 68 | 12 | 6 |
2383 | So you want to play hardball? Then we have a deal. | 1.2788 | 0.05870 | 104 | 83 | 13 | 8 |
2384 | You'll notice the first requirement in your employment contract deals with the issue of doggie treats. | 1.2788 | 0.05195 | 104 | 79 | 21 | 4 |
2385 | Next time check with your state laws. | 1.2788 | 0.05195 | 104 | 79 | 21 | 4 |
2386 | None of my human boys were interested,so I’m handing over the firm to Floppy. | 1.2788 | 0.05012 | 104 | 78 | 23 | 3 |
2387 | No more baths, de-wormer pills, nail clipping, choke collars, or else. | 1.2787 | 0.04396 | 122 | 90 | 30 | 2 |
2388 | For the sterilization without consent with pain and suffering, that's $4 million, or a box of dog treats. | 1.2785 | 0.05386 | 79 | 58 | 20 | 1 |
2389 | My client is citing “communication difficulties” after 8 years, do you still need to ask “who’s a good girl?” | 1.2785 | 0.06224 | 79 | 61 | 14 | 4 |
2390 | My partner here has marked a spot for you. | 1.2785 | 0.05820 | 79 | 62 | 13 | 4 |
2391 | This could have been yours but Fido wanted it more. | 1.2785 | 0.06224 | 79 | 61 | 14 | 4 |
2392 | Mr. Sniffles finds your use of the phrase 'pre-puptial agreement' demeaning and dismissive. And he sees no reason why belly rubs should not be given on demand. | 1.2785 | 0.06480 | 79 | 62 | 12 | 5 |
2393 | He says, "You first." | 1.2785 | 0.06224 | 79 | 61 | 14 | 4 |
2394 | My client alleges your relationship is "friendly acquaintance" instead of "best friend." | 1.2785 | 0.05958 | 79 | 60 | 16 | 3 |
2395 | It says here he wants his balls back | 1.2785 | 0.05679 | 79 | 59 | 18 | 2 |
2396 | Max has filed for emancipation, here are your papers. | 1.2784 | 0.04574 | 97 | 75 | 19 | 3 |
2397 | I am sorry we have to let you go. This is just a cost cutting measure we are making since we found out Rover can fetch faster than you and for dog treats. | 1.2784 | 0.05627 | 97 | 75 | 17 | 5 |
2398 | What did you expect? She's a shitsue | 1.2784 | 0.05815 | 97 | 76 | 15 | 6 |
2399 | You get the puppies,she gets the house. | 1.2784 | 0.05815 | 97 | 76 | 15 | 6 |
2400 | Rufus has named you Executor for his will. You will fetch, beg, and play dead at his command. | 1.2784 | 0.05997 | 97 | 77 | 13 | 7 |
2401 | My client’s expectations to satisfy the term ‘man’s best friend’ ” | 1.2784 | 0.05022 | 97 | 72 | 23 | 2 |
2402 | My client wants you to sign a Prepuptial Agreement. | 1.2784 | 0.05433 | 97 | 74 | 19 | 4 |
2403 | You are both qualified candidates but we decided to go with Spot. His loyalty speaks for itself. | 1.2784 | 0.05627 | 97 | 75 | 17 | 5 |
2404 | You’d be barking mad not to sign | 1.2784 | 0.05433 | 97 | 74 | 19 | 4 |
2405 | He'd like you to go on the paper. | 1.2783 | 0.05461 | 115 | 91 | 16 | 8 |
2406 | You removed his balls without consent,sir. I recommend you settle now before it goes to curt. | 1.2783 | 0.05319 | 115 | 90 | 18 | 7 |
2407 | This one says you have to give three “good boy”s per day minimum | 1.2778 | 0.05235 | 108 | 83 | 20 | 5 |
2408 | Rest assured, we are a people friendly company. | 1.2778 | 0.05709 | 108 | 86 | 14 | 8 |
2409 | He wants to be "edogcipated" from you. His words... | 1.2778 | 0.05247 | 90 | 67 | 21 | 2 |
2410 | My client is asking for use of the dog house on weekends, all of the red doggy sweaters, and the puppies to be raised Jewish. | 1.2778 | 0.05918 | 90 | 70 | 15 | 5 |
2411 | He just wants contractual assurance that you will remain his best friend as well. | 1.2778 | 0.05918 | 90 | 70 | 15 | 5 |
2412 | You may keep the dress shoes but he retains chewing rights. | 1.2778 | 0.05918 | 90 | 70 | 15 | 5 |
2413 | Here’s a ruff draft of your divorce settlement. | 1.2778 | 0.05004 | 90 | 66 | 23 | 1 |
2414 | In return for being a good boy, yes he is, you promise not to stop and talk with Ellen Schultz and her annoying Pomeranian. | 1.2778 | 0.05703 | 90 | 69 | 17 | 4 |
2415 | When he wags we have a deal. | 1.2778 | 0.06324 | 72 | 55 | 14 | 3 |
2416 | Alfred is sorry but the vegan "bone" was the last straw. | 1.2778 | 0.06126 | 90 | 71 | 13 | 6 |
2417 | Hey, I'm sorry George, we have to let you go. We're turning your accounts over to our new senior partner, Milo. It really is a dog eat dog world now. | 1.2778 | 0.06326 | 90 | 72 | 11 | 7 |
2418 | Some advice. When he negotiates, don't assume his bark is worse than his bite | 1.2778 | 0.05480 | 90 | 68 | 19 | 3 |
2419 | He knew your wife first | 1.2772 | 0.05472 | 101 | 78 | 18 | 5 |
2420 | By signing this the party of the first part attests that my client is indeed a good boy. | 1.2772 | 0.05472 | 101 | 78 | 18 | 5 |
2421 | One walk per day, two on the weekends. Final offer. | 1.2772 | 0.05288 | 101 | 77 | 20 | 4 |
2422 | Now all we need is the last ten years of tax returns, 5 personal references, and a $500 check for administrative fees and your pet rescue will be complete. | 1.2772 | 0.05288 | 101 | 77 | 20 | 4 |
2423 | She's asking for sole physical custody of the couch, the frisbee, and Bella the cat. | 1.2772 | 0.05097 | 101 | 76 | 22 | 3 |
2424 | Let’s not make this a pissing contest because we all know who will win that. | 1.2771 | 0.06485 | 83 | 66 | 11 | 6 |
2425 | It was in the contract you couldn't touch another dog, sir | 1.2771 | 0.06015 | 83 | 64 | 15 | 4 |
2426 | Required Paw Print Please | 1.2771 | 0.06255 | 83 | 65 | 13 | 5 |
2427 | Our new hire was recommended by the diversity officer | 1.2771 | 0.06015 | 83 | 64 | 15 | 4 |
2428 | He wants a codicil added regarding his food preferences. | 1.2771 | 0.05505 | 83 | 62 | 19 | 2 |
2429 | So we agree you will still be sleeping in the same bed. | 1.2769 | 0.06395 | 65 | 51 | 11 | 3 |
2430 | It's a dog-eat-dog world, and we're hungry. | 1.2769 | 0.07108 | 65 | 51 | 10 | 4 |
2431 | How would you characterize the smell of your crotch? | 1.2769 | 0.07438 | 65 | 52 | 8 | 5 |
2432 | And my client would like it to be known and stated for the record that he is indeed a good boy. | 1.2768 | 0.05107 | 112 | 86 | 21 | 5 |
2433 | I hope we can agree with this settlement that your needs during lockdown for companionship were no less important than those of my client. | 1.2768 | 0.04781 | 112 | 84 | 25 | 3 |
2434 | You will tell my client that he’s a good boy or we are prepared to walk | 1.2768 | 0.04781 | 112 | 84 | 25 | 3 |
2435 | My client has become accustomed to a certain lifestyle. We're asking for alimony paid in the form of 15 bones per week. | 1.2766 | 0.04879 | 94 | 69 | 24 | 1 |
2436 | My client demands longer walks and better treats. | 1.2766 | 0.05741 | 94 | 73 | 16 | 5 |
2437 | Fido has made his bones by engaging in ruff negotiations. | 1.2766 | 0.05741 | 94 | 73 | 16 | 5 |
2438 | I'm sorry I can't renew your lease, this place is going to the dogs. | 1.2766 | 0.05741 | 94 | 73 | 16 | 5 |
2439 | Buster wants the payment to be made in Dogecoin. | 1.2766 | 0.05327 | 94 | 71 | 20 | 3 |
2440 | Here's the deal: Fido gets the house plus a monthly allowance for kibble and treats. You get the cat. | 1.2766 | 0.05741 | 94 | 73 | 16 | 5 |
2441 | Sir, my client is suing for reasons cited under "Ruff Circumstances". | 1.2766 | 0.05538 | 94 | 72 | 18 | 4 |
2442 | Visitation rights for each of the puppies has to be handled separately | 1.2766 | 0.05108 | 94 | 70 | 22 | 2 |
2443 | My client formerly known as “Fluffy” shall henceforth be named Mister Bigglesworth. | 1.2766 | 0.05936 | 94 | 74 | 14 | 6 |
2444 | The bite was consensual. | 1.2766 | 0.06489 | 94 | 77 | 8 | 9 |
2445 | He says he is ready to sue, after he saw you going to the bathroom in the house | 1.2766 | 0.05538 | 94 | 72 | 18 | 4 |
2446 | She’s a labradoodle. Prenups are standard. | 1.2766 | 0.06310 | 94 | 76 | 10 | 8 |
2447 | He's agreed to no longer beg at the table. | 1.2766 | 0.05741 | 94 | 73 | 16 | 5 |
2448 | On the basis of mental cruelty, incessant Faux Noise on the telly. | 1.2764 | 0.04802 | 123 | 94 | 24 | 5 |
2449 | You get to visit the pups on alternate weekends. | 1.2763 | 0.05803 | 76 | 57 | 17 | 2 |
2450 | You'll need to sign the leash agreement before we can transfer ownership of Scotty to you. | 1.2763 | 0.06379 | 76 | 59 | 13 | 4 |
2451 | My client says you can keep the cat. | 1.2763 | 0.05803 | 76 | 57 | 17 | 2 |
2452 | This is pretty straightforward. You’ll both sign, then smell each other’s butt. | 1.2763 | 0.06649 | 76 | 60 | 11 | 5 |
2453 | This is our final offer. You can keep the wife and I will get the house. | 1.2762 | 0.05327 | 105 | 81 | 19 | 5 |
2454 | My client has agreed to relinquish the dog house if she can keep the puppies. | 1.2762 | 0.05496 | 105 | 82 | 17 | 6 |
2455 | It's not too late for you to bow-wow-t of this agreement. | 1.2762 | 0.05496 | 105 | 82 | 17 | 6 |
2456 | Please review my client's exercise demands; otherwise, we are prepared to walk. | 1.2759 | 0.04987 | 116 | 89 | 22 | 5 |
2457 | He wants to make no bones about this. | 1.2759 | 0.04513 | 116 | 86 | 28 | 2 |
2458 | You may keep the dog house. | 1.2759 | 0.05590 | 87 | 66 | 18 | 3 |
2459 | He’d like three meals a day, not two. | 1.2759 | 0.05135 | 116 | 90 | 20 | 6 |
2460 | She gets all of your old golf shoes. | 1.2759 | 0.04834 | 116 | 88 | 24 | 4 |
2461 | Yes, she's in the running. Is that a problem? | 1.2759 | 0.05824 | 87 | 67 | 16 | 4 |
2462 | Furthermore, my client, Mr. Snuggles contends that he IS a good boy and not the bad boy you accuse him of being. | 1.2759 | 0.05824 | 87 | 67 | 16 | 4 |
2463 | He didn't bark at your offer | 1.2759 | 0.05590 | 87 | 66 | 18 | 3 |
2464 | If you're okay with wet food once a day, I think we have an agreement. | 1.2755 | 0.05577 | 98 | 76 | 17 | 5 |
2465 | My client will agree to a settlement that includes 2 belly rubs and treat every hour. And no more vet visits, final offer. | 1.2755 | 0.05186 | 98 | 74 | 21 | 3 |
2466 | The location of seven pairs of previously unacknowledged lost socks. | 1.2755 | 0.05577 | 98 | 76 | 17 | 5 |
2467 | Fido gets the house, you get the kennel | 1.2755 | 0.05577 | 98 | 76 | 17 | 5 |
2468 | Rusty has hired me to represent him in a harassment case claiming that, on Thursday, January 4th, you ruefully observed that the city was “going to the dogs!” | 1.2755 | 0.05762 | 98 | 77 | 15 | 6 |
2469 | You get to feed, walk and otherwise care for him for the rest of his life. He gets the house. | 1.2755 | 0.04979 | 98 | 73 | 23 | 2 |
2470 | This clause says the dog dish can never be empty. It's a non- dish closure clause. | 1.2755 | 0.05385 | 98 | 75 | 19 | 4 |
2471 | So it says here my client gets the BarcaLounger, the pause button on all the remotes, and that big book of puns he likes to chew on when he’s nervous. | 1.2755 | 0.05577 | 98 | 76 | 17 | 5 |
2472 | Mr. Bowser here has requested a lump sum payment of all the biscuits. | 1.2755 | 0.05385 | 98 | 75 | 19 | 4 |
2473 | So, Alpha gets top billing and 5 percent of the net. Are we good? | 1.2755 | 0.05186 | 98 | 74 | 21 | 3 |
2474 | You agree not to aggravate him; and he agrees not to eat your steaks. | 1.2752 | 0.04855 | 109 | 82 | 24 | 3 |
2475 | I have to say this is my first corporate mediation involving belly scratches | 1.2752 | 0.05193 | 109 | 84 | 20 | 5 |
2476 | I think you are a good fit for the position. But the dog says no. | 1.2752 | 0.05193 | 109 | 84 | 20 | 5 |
2477 | He wants the couch and your old shoe. | 1.2750 | 0.05893 | 80 | 61 | 16 | 3 |
2478 | Everything looks good so far. But he demands every potential walker provide DNA, references and a pre-hire belly scratch.... | 1.2750 | 0.06156 | 80 | 62 | 14 | 4 |
2479 | He wants out of his leash. | 1.2750 | 0.06156 | 80 | 62 | 14 | 4 |
2480 | In order to work for my client,you will have to take a scratch and sniff test. | 1.2750 | 0.05893 | 80 | 61 | 16 | 3 |
2481 | As part of the settlement, you agree to no longer refer to my client as “a bitch.” | 1.2750 | 0.05016 | 120 | 93 | 21 | 6 |
2482 | As you can see, he is paper trained. | 1.2750 | 0.06156 | 80 | 62 | 14 | 4 |
2483 | He just wants to be sure you don't disclose the location of the bones to other dogs. | 1.2750 | 0.04874 | 120 | 92 | 23 | 5 |
2484 | Your papers are impressive to be sure,but I'm afraid my client is looking for someone with a more dignified posture and classic coat. | 1.2750 | 0.05893 | 80 | 61 | 16 | 3 |
2485 | Fido brought his homework. What's your excuse? | 1.2748 | 0.04605 | 131 | 100 | 26 | 5 |
2486 | And here are Muffin's demands. | 1.2747 | 0.05861 | 91 | 71 | 15 | 5 |
2487 | My client is seeking a formal declaration of your loyalty. | 1.2747 | 0.04958 | 91 | 67 | 23 | 1 |
2488 | It seems we have agreement on everything but who gets the kids | 1.2747 | 0.05649 | 91 | 70 | 17 | 4 |
2489 | . . . and the Punitive Damages (Psychic) Section requires that you be neutered at the same veteraniary clinic where he was forced to endure that barbaric procedure. | 1.2747 | 0.05861 | 91 | 71 | 15 | 5 |
2490 | My client will sign the contract only if the words 'master' and 'pet' are replaced by the term 'fellow mammal'. | 1.2747 | 0.05198 | 91 | 68 | 21 | 2 |
2491 | She wants sole custoday. | 1.2747 | 0.05428 | 91 | 69 | 19 | 3 |
2492 | Keep in mind this is only a ruff draft. | 1.2747 | 0.05649 | 91 | 70 | 17 | 4 |
2493 | This wouldn’t have been necessary if you had let me get up on the couch. | 1.2747 | 0.05861 | 91 | 71 | 15 | 5 |
2494 | If nothing else, you should understand one thing: his bite is bigger than his bark. | 1.2747 | 0.05428 | 91 | 69 | 19 | 3 |
2495 | Now, this is your copy of the leash agreement. | 1.2747 | 0.04958 | 91 | 67 | 23 | 1 |
2496 | These are his demands…I took the liberty of having them translated | 1.2745 | 0.05242 | 102 | 78 | 20 | 4 |
2497 | Final offer on the Roommate Agreement. If my client sleeps in a crate, you sleep in a crate. | 1.2745 | 0.05601 | 102 | 80 | 16 | 6 |
2498 | He's a sniffler for details. | 1.2745 | 0.05424 | 102 | 79 | 18 | 5 |
2499 | You get joint custody of the liter | 1.2743 | 0.04575 | 113 | 86 | 24 | 3 |
2500 | First and foremost, I demand loyalty. | 1.2743 | 0.05221 | 113 | 88 | 19 | 6 |
2501 | He demands your wife on alternate weekends. | 1.2743 | 0.05370 | 113 | 89 | 17 | 7 |
2502 | My client sees this as an opportunity to help you dress better | 1.2738 | 0.06416 | 84 | 67 | 11 | 6 |
2503 | Just a standard pre-puptual agreement. | 1.2738 | 0.06189 | 84 | 66 | 13 | 5 |
2504 | Sorry, the dog beat you out on our unbias IQ Test. | 1.2738 | 0.05449 | 84 | 63 | 19 | 2 |
2505 | You agreed to give your dog the tennis ball in the divorce but when he looked for it he saw you still had it behind your back. | 1.2738 | 0.06189 | 84 | 66 | 13 | 5 |
2506 | This is a list of dates, times, and places you slanderously blamed him for your farts. | 1.2738 | 0.06416 | 84 | 67 | 11 | 6 |
2507 | I'm afraid he gets the house. | 1.2738 | 0.05952 | 84 | 65 | 15 | 4 |
2508 | He wants a pre-pup agreement. | 1.2738 | 0.04895 | 84 | 61 | 23 | 0 |
2509 | Citing the case of Brittany Spears, Spot is seeking to be emancipated from your control and to be solely responsible for his trusted brand across social media platforms. | 1.2738 | 0.05706 | 84 | 64 | 17 | 3 |
2510 | I think you understand how much we prize loyalty at this firm. | 1.2738 | 0.05706 | 84 | 64 | 17 | 3 |
2511 | In clause 10 you promise not to call him a son of a bitch. | 1.2738 | 0.06189 | 84 | 66 | 13 | 5 |
2512 | Can you confirm this is you and the cat napping together in the presence of Mr Fluffy? | 1.2738 | 0.05706 | 84 | 64 | 17 | 3 |
2513 | We're going nowhere as long as you insist on using "barking up the wrong tree" to counter her demands. | 1.2738 | 0.05706 | 84 | 64 | 17 | 3 |
2514 | My client would like their leash to be terminated | 1.2738 | 0.05179 | 84 | 62 | 21 | 1 |
2515 | The Thumbless one requests your signature so he can receive his inheritance. | 1.2737 | 0.05487 | 95 | 73 | 18 | 4 |
2516 | My client is prepared to offer you six biscuits. | 1.2737 | 0.05487 | 95 | 73 | 18 | 4 |
2517 | I'm afraid he insists on your hand-print. | 1.2737 | 0.05487 | 95 | 73 | 18 | 4 |
2518 | The settlement may seem harsh but you do have use of his dog house each summer. | 1.2737 | 0.05062 | 95 | 71 | 22 | 2 |
2519 | I said pet agree not pedigree! | 1.2737 | 0.05062 | 95 | 71 | 22 | 2 |
2520 | He says "you keep the cat, he gets the cat food!" | 1.2737 | 0.05687 | 95 | 74 | 16 | 5 |
2521 | She insists on getting The Dog House. | 1.2737 | 0.04836 | 95 | 70 | 24 | 1 |
2522 | Before we finalize the adoption, he asks that you agree to cease your investigation into the origins of his cuteness. | 1.2737 | 0.05588 | 95 | 76 | 13 | 6 |
2523 | Given your actions, my client is giving you two options: "roll over" or "play dead." | 1.2737 | 0.05487 | 95 | 73 | 18 | 4 |
2524 | In regard to your vet appointment next week, my client would like to remind you there is an ironclad reciprocity clause attached to the "Neutering" section of your contract | 1.2737 | 0.06250 | 95 | 77 | 10 | 8 |
2525 | As your wife’s executor I hate to inform you she left everything to the dog.Here is his more than generous settlement. | 1.2736 | 0.05283 | 106 | 82 | 19 | 5 |
2526 | And this is his Canine Power of Attorney....... | 1.2735 | 0.05096 | 117 | 91 | 20 | 6 |
2527 | My client has grown accustomed to a certain lifestyle but this can all go away if you just continue working remote. | 1.2727 | 0.06029 | 77 | 59 | 15 | 3 |
2528 | Keep the house. She just wants the bacon. | 1.2727 | 0.05140 | 99 | 75 | 21 | 3 |
2529 | For this week's New Yorker contest, I want you to draw me with my dog, asking you to draw this week's New Yorker contest. | 1.2727 | 0.05988 | 88 | 69 | 14 | 5 |
2530 | Last question. Scruffy wants to know, if we offer you this job, will be a good boy? | 1.2727 | 0.05337 | 99 | 76 | 19 | 4 |
2531 | I prefer candidates who know enough to wear neckwear to a job interview. | 1.2727 | 0.05337 | 99 | 76 | 19 | 4 |
2532 | Now we want to know YOUR take on our dog food! | 1.2727 | 0.05535 | 88 | 67 | 18 | 3 |
2533 | You get the wife but he gets the bed and the kibble! | 1.2727 | 0.05988 | 88 | 69 | 14 | 5 |
2534 | My client agrees to bark less in exchange for more treats. | 1.2727 | 0.05766 | 88 | 68 | 16 | 4 |
2535 | Feel Fortunate. All he wants is the doggie bed. | 1.2727 | 0.05988 | 88 | 69 | 14 | 5 |
2536 | Careful . He’s a rough rough negotiator. | 1.2727 | 0.05294 | 88 | 66 | 20 | 2 |
2537 | I assume you don't mind working for a dog . . . ? | 1.2727 | 0.05151 | 110 | 85 | 20 | 5 |
2538 | He thought the wanted ad said investment barker. | 1.2727 | 0.05535 | 88 | 67 | 18 | 3 |
2539 | Thanks for your application, but you still have to pass the sniff test. | 1.2727 | 0.05337 | 99 | 76 | 19 | 4 |
2540 | My client requests joint custody of the couch | 1.2727 | 0.05433 | 77 | 57 | 19 | 1 |
2541 | He insists you get half of everything. | 1.2727 | 0.05311 | 110 | 86 | 18 | 6 |
2542 | The only bone of contention is that he gets the dog house | 1.2727 | 0.04987 | 110 | 84 | 22 | 4 |
2543 | You agree to allow the division of all soft assets and the removal of their stuffing. | 1.2727 | 0.05710 | 99 | 78 | 15 | 6 |
2544 | My client wants three walks a day and unlimited kibble in exchange for being a good boy. | 1.2727 | 0.05311 | 110 | 86 | 18 | 6 |
2545 | Let’s try and not quibble over kibble, shall we? | 1.2727 | 0.05535 | 88 | 67 | 18 | 3 |
2546 | Well, it looks like my client will see you in court. | 1.2727 | 0.06306 | 77 | 60 | 13 | 4 |
2547 | Sorry we can't hire you, Joey. You just don't pass the smell test. | 1.2727 | 0.05294 | 88 | 66 | 20 | 2 |
2548 | That’s the best deal you’re going to get - no bones about it. | 1.2727 | 0.04936 | 99 | 74 | 23 | 2 |
2549 | It's just a short questionnaire. Once you're done, my colleague here will give it the sniff test. | 1.2727 | 0.05766 | 88 | 68 | 16 | 4 |
2550 | I'm afraid you're in the dog house. | 1.2727 | 0.05151 | 110 | 85 | 20 | 5 |
2551 | Even though he is suing you, he still your best friend | 1.2727 | 0.05140 | 99 | 75 | 21 | 3 |
2552 | My clients says if you think you are retaining the movie rights to this you are barking up the wrong tree. | 1.2727 | 0.05294 | 88 | 66 | 20 | 2 |
2553 | By signing this, you acknowledge that my client is not admitting to any wrongdoing. | 1.2727 | 0.04264 | 99 | 76 | 21 | 2 |
2554 | This new job will be a walk in the park for you. | 1.2727 | 0.05535 | 88 | 67 | 18 | 3 |
2555 | And here's the final addendum to your "return to the office" agreement stating that Rover is entitled to compensation for pain & suffering caused by separation anxiety and loss of companionship. | 1.2727 | 0.05337 | 99 | 76 | 19 | 4 |
2556 | Don’t look so glum. Go out and find yourself a cute cat. | 1.2727 | 0.06029 | 77 | 59 | 15 | 3 |
2557 | He wants the woman, the chair, and all the squeaky toys. | 1.2727 | 0.05535 | 88 | 67 | 18 | 3 |
2558 | I'm afraid this is going to be a ruff divorce. | 1.2727 | 0.05888 | 99 | 79 | 13 | 7 |
2559 | Do you take PayPal? | 1.2727 | 0.05988 | 88 | 69 | 14 | 5 |
2560 | Just sign here to agree that he's not a bad boy, he's a good boy. | 1.2727 | 0.04775 | 88 | 64 | 24 | 0 |
2561 | You're doing the right thing, Bob. Human-to-dog kidney transplants are the future. | 1.2727 | 0.06827 | 77 | 62 | 9 | 6 |
2562 | As I'm sure you now realize, domestication was your first mistake. | 1.2727 | 0.05337 | 99 | 76 | 19 | 4 |
2563 | On this piece of paper is all your dog could write. | 1.2718 | 0.05552 | 103 | 81 | 16 | 6 |
2564 | He has a license, but he's not a notary. | 1.2718 | 0.05378 | 103 | 80 | 18 | 5 |
2565 | Try not to see yourself as a “pandemic person.” Now that she’s back at work, she just doesn’t have the time and energy for you anymore. | 1.2717 | 0.05595 | 92 | 71 | 17 | 4 |
2566 | He wants to review the snip clause. | 1.2717 | 0.05377 | 92 | 70 | 19 | 3 |
2567 | Duke gets custody of your ex, but you may visit on alternate weekends. | 1.2717 | 0.04913 | 92 | 68 | 23 | 1 |
2568 | My client is giving you two weeks notice to move out at which time he will take full ownership of the apartment according to the conditions of your mother's will. | 1.2717 | 0.06007 | 92 | 73 | 13 | 6 |
2569 | Don't be so intransigent. Throw us a bone! | 1.2717 | 0.05150 | 92 | 69 | 21 | 2 |
2570 | This is what happens when you don't insist on a prepuptial agreement. | 1.2717 | 0.05377 | 92 | 70 | 19 | 3 |
2571 | Relax, he's a therapy dog | 1.2717 | 0.05377 | 92 | 70 | 19 | 3 |
2572 | As a cat person, sir, you're not the right fit for our firm." | 1.2716 | 0.06337 | 81 | 64 | 12 | 5 |
2573 | You can keep the doghouse. She just wants out. | 1.2716 | 0.06089 | 81 | 63 | 14 | 4 |
2574 | Welcome to the team. Fido will be your supervisor. | 1.2716 | 0.05830 | 81 | 62 | 16 | 3 |
2575 | Fido wants a divorce! | 1.2716 | 0.06089 | 81 | 63 | 14 | 4 |
2576 | In the words of my client, "the bad man knows what he did." | 1.2716 | 0.06337 | 81 | 64 | 12 | 5 |
2577 | You scratch his back, he’ll scratch yours. | 1.2716 | 0.04973 | 81 | 59 | 22 | 0 |
2578 | He gets the main house. You get the dog house. | 1.2716 | 0.06089 | 81 | 63 | 14 | 4 |
2579 | He wants the beach house. Yes, he does. Oh, yes he does. Oh, yessy wezzy fuzzy wuzzy wokky wooky wes he does. | 1.2716 | 0.06089 | 81 | 63 | 14 | 4 |
2580 | He agrees to everything else, but insists on real hamburger in the bowl. | 1.2710 | 0.05069 | 107 | 82 | 21 | 4 |
2581 | We don’t want to rub your nose in this. My client requests the bed, bones, and balls. | 1.2710 | 0.05240 | 107 | 83 | 19 | 5 |
2582 | Sorry, but you just don't pass the sniff test | 1.2710 | 0.04517 | 107 | 79 | 27 | 1 |
2583 | Once you sign, she agrees to be your best friend. | 1.2708 | 0.05231 | 96 | 73 | 20 | 3 |
2584 | Spunky here will now conduct a brief drug sniff. | 1.2708 | 0.05437 | 96 | 74 | 18 | 4 |
2585 | The divorce is now complete. Please sign this agreement to pay both alimony and puppy support. | 1.2708 | 0.05231 | 96 | 73 | 20 | 3 |
2586 | In agreeing to become your dog, Scruffy has asked for a six-year deal with a mutual buyout option after five years, and a no-kennel clause. | 1.2708 | 0.04794 | 96 | 71 | 24 | 1 |
2587 | After you have have read this, we hope you will agree that you have not been a good boy. | 1.2708 | 0.05017 | 96 | 72 | 22 | 2 |
2588 | He thinks “best friend” is misleading since he’s your only friend. | 1.2708 | 0.05635 | 96 | 75 | 16 | 5 |
2589 | Half of the kibble is all she’s asking for. | 1.2708 | 0.05635 | 96 | 75 | 16 | 5 |
2590 | Now the final thing: who gets the wife? | 1.2708 | 0.05635 | 96 | 75 | 16 | 5 |
2591 | The contract clearly states, "All bark and *some* bite". | 1.2708 | 0.05437 | 96 | 74 | 18 | 4 |
2592 | My client's sexual needs are being ignored. | 1.2706 | 0.05891 | 85 | 66 | 15 | 4 |
2593 | Twice daily scratchies behind the ears to be administered with an enthusiastic 'Good Dog', biscuits before bedtime, and the car rear window halfway open on all trips with my client. It's our final offer. | 1.2706 | 0.05394 | 85 | 64 | 19 | 2 |
2594 | My client is offering joint custody of the puppies. | 1.2706 | 0.05394 | 85 | 64 | 19 | 2 |
2595 | My client only wants what's fair and rightfully his ... the doghouse, of course, the sheepskin slipper he buried in the backyard, and the oak tree he peed against in good faith for the entirety of your relationship. | 1.2706 | 0.05394 | 85 | 64 | 19 | 2 |
2596 | He has a quibble over kibble. | 1.2706 | 0.06348 | 85 | 68 | 11 | 6 |
2597 | And he retains the rights to his image as well as all anecdotes involving himself. | 1.2706 | 0.05891 | 85 | 66 | 15 | 4 |
2598 | My client requires enough income to keep him in food, treats, toys, and veterinary care for the rest of his life. | 1.2706 | 0.05648 | 85 | 65 | 17 | 3 |
2599 | As a counteroffer, you get the tennis balls for holidays. | 1.2706 | 0.05891 | 85 | 66 | 15 | 4 |
2600 | You can visit the one-legged Teddy Bear every other weekend. | 1.2706 | 0.05891 | 85 | 66 | 15 | 4 |
2601 | He didn’t mark them with his initials, but they are definitely marked. | 1.2706 | 0.05891 | 85 | 66 | 15 | 4 |
2602 | My client needs your signature to verify that he is a very good boy. | 1.2706 | 0.06124 | 85 | 67 | 13 | 5 |
2603 | He'd like you to pee on this to 'quote' Know how it feels 'end quote' | 1.2706 | 0.05394 | 85 | 64 | 19 | 2 |
2604 | He said he wants a different owner. He said you don't feed him on time. | 1.2706 | 0.05891 | 85 | 66 | 15 | 4 |
2605 | Please sign here,next to the “woof”. | 1.2706 | 0.06124 | 85 | 67 | 13 | 5 |
2606 | If you call this “getting my walking papers” one more time… | 1.2706 | 0.06124 | 85 | 67 | 13 | 5 |
2607 | Yes the pre-pup agreement is quite clear…she gets the knick-knacks, the paddy whacks and the bone. | 1.2703 | 0.05716 | 111 | 90 | 12 | 9 |
2608 | Man's best friend says, it's in your best interest. | 1.2703 | 0.04605 | 111 | 83 | 26 | 2 |
2609 | I’m shocked Bob. Nobody expected the jury to come back for Brutus in a wrongful neuter case. | 1.2703 | 0.06467 | 74 | 58 | 12 | 4 |
2610 | My client believes he is entitled to custody of your leg for two weekends a month. | 1.2703 | 0.05867 | 74 | 56 | 16 | 2 |
2611 | He gets your house. You get his. | 1.2703 | 0.05111 | 111 | 86 | 20 | 5 |
2612 | Yes, I'm his lawyer. He says he will go home with you, if you agree to one can per day of his favorite dog food -- no dry stuff. | 1.2703 | 0.05111 | 111 | 86 | 20 | 5 |
2613 | Good boy! Time for a treat! | 1.2703 | 0.04605 | 111 | 83 | 26 | 2 |
2614 | He just doesn't want to be left in the doghouse if you split up. | 1.2703 | 0.04779 | 111 | 84 | 24 | 3 |
2615 | These are the terms; I guess she's not your best friend. | 1.2700 | 0.05096 | 100 | 76 | 21 | 3 |
2616 | Now you write something about him. | 1.2700 | 0.05478 | 100 | 78 | 17 | 5 |
2617 | Before we proceed, I’ll need proof that both of you have been vaccinated. | 1.2700 | 0.05291 | 100 | 77 | 19 | 4 |
2618 | And do you hereby affirm who's a good boy? | 1.2700 | 0.05096 | 100 | 76 | 21 | 3 |
2619 | He says he wants a dedicated poo collector when you're gone in this will. | 1.2700 | 0.04230 | 100 | 77 | 21 | 2 |
2620 | no, you’re right— technically that term is accurate. but my client objects to your tone. | 1.2700 | 0.05096 | 100 | 76 | 21 | 3 |
2621 | My client is willing to settle for a box of Milk Bones." | 1.2700 | 0.05096 | 100 | 76 | 21 | 3 |
2622 | We’ve chosen Buddy for CFO, we think you have a lot to offer and we hope you will consider the dog-walker position. | 1.2700 | 0.06006 | 100 | 81 | 11 | 8 |
2623 | I assume you have reached a conclusion about who will have rights to the couch? | 1.2700 | 0.04683 | 100 | 74 | 25 | 1 |
2624 | OK, in the unfortunate case of a breakup of this relationship, the dog gets the arm chair in the den, all its toys including your old brown slippers, and free roaming of the yard on weekends". | 1.2698 | 0.04835 | 126 | 98 | 22 | 6 |
2625 | Before we get started,please sign that you understand my client is off-leash for this discussion. | 1.2697 | 0.05709 | 89 | 69 | 16 | 4 |
2626 | You keep the cat and Princess here keeps the house. | 1.2697< |