Contest #784


Cartoon

784

The winning captions

These captions are chosen by The New Yorker.

  1. “Mind if I read over your shoulder? I have trouble turning pages.”
  2. “Stuffed? No, actually I’m quite famished.”
  3. “I also love to unwind.”


Name Value
Submission deadline 2021-12-12T22:58:00.000Z
Voting started -
Voting ended 2022-01-09T23:01:00.000Z
Finalists announced 2021-12-27T22:59:00.000Z
Magazine(s) announcing finalists issued January 3 & 10, 2022
Number of captions 4151
Number of responses 1225039
Number of participants -


Dashboard

In this table, the "mean" means the empirically measured average funniness score when the "unfunny", "somewhat funny" and "funny" receive a funniness score of 1, 2, 3 respectively. "Precison" is the standard error of the mean, the standard deviation of the mean estimate. With that, a caption with an empirical mean μ and precision σ has true mean in the range [μ - 2σ, μ + 2σ] with 95% probability by the 68-95-99.7 rule assuming the responses are indepedent and identically distributed.

Rank Caption Mean Precision Total votes "Unfunny" votes "Somewhat funny" votes "Funny" votes
0 George quickly realized he ordered from the wrong Amazon. 1.8618 0.00742 12681 5423 3587 3671
1 Looks like you ordered from the wrong Amazon. 1.8279 0.00826 9730 4214 2977 2539
2 From my angle, it says Digest Readers. 1.8264 0.00793 10665 4661 3194 2810
3 I have something to tell you, but first I want to ask if you've noticed how pleasant it is without all the barking this morning? 1.8234 0.00780 10993 4817 3300 2876
4 Experiencing reptile dysfunction? 1.7995 0.00832 9829 4525 2750 2554
5 Thanks for the fat guy who came down the chimney. What else you got? 1.7980 0.00788 10336 4574 3276 2486
6 I gave you the gift of knowledge and THAT’S what you’re reading? 1.7798 0.00855 8743 3969 2730 2044
7 Don't mind me. Just looking for a reader to digest. 1.7775 0.00774 10332 4603 3425 2304
8 Spoiler alert: she eats the apple 1.7768 0.00799 9572 4227 3254 2091
9 Want to guess why your taxidermist didn’t cash the check? 1.7727 0.01006 5992 2654 2046 1292
10 Psst. Buy Apple. 1.7691 0.00935 7350 3403 2241 1706
11 Remember me? Ten years ago you flushed me down the toilet. 1.7662 0.00810 9619 4423 3022 2174
12 The guest room is available again. 1.7652 0.00909 7445 3367 2459 1619
13 Turns out I was willing to pay the taxidermist more than you were. 1.7561 0.00965 6638 3057 2143 1438
14 I'll save you some time. She bites the apple. 1.7537 0.00836 8395 3751 2961 1683
15 I confirm that not a creature is stirring; not even a mouse. 1.7518 0.00847 8238 3713 2857 1668
16 So there I was, just hanging around the garden and minding my own business, and in walks this couple with no clothes on ... 1.7508 0.01025 5715 2605 1929 1181
17 The milk and cookies were delicious. Santa, too. 1.7502 0.00895 7555 3466 2510 1579
18 It takes me weeks to truly digest a book like that. 1.7470 0.00819 8619 3859 3082 1678
19 Look, we both loved Spot in our own way. 1.7427 0.00944 6758 3128 2241 1389
20 Suddenly Chuck regrets using a taxidermy Groupon 1.7346 0.00984 6150 2865 2052 1233
21 I’m tired of mice and men. I want to kill a mockingbird. 1.7345 0.00829 8968 4271 2807 1890
22 Get to the part where I chat with Eve. 1.7296 0.00834 8246 3780 2916 1550
23 Don't believe everything you read in Genesis. 1.7293 0.00818 8492 3871 3049 1572
24 Mounted Python 1.7290 0.00959 6546 3099 2122 1325
25 I was a book worm once. 1.7283 0.00788 9227 4238 3258 1731
26 You're out of mice. 1.7277 0.00853 7786 3553 2800 1433
27 ‘Of Mice and Men’ sounds deliciously entertaining! 1.7275 0.00928 6577 3003 2363 1211
28 I might be able to squeeze you in after all. 1.7255 0.00809 8781 4059 3073 1649
29 Could we get a puppy? 1.7237 0.02322 1140 551 353 236
30 I was feeling constricted. 1.7228 0.00925 6581 3019 2367 1195
31 Read me the one about the man and the woman in the garden again? 1.7219 0.00873 7530 3501 2622 1407
32 I find Nietzsche hard to digest. 1.7215 0.00761 10021 4695 3422 1904
33 Stuffed? No, actually I'm quite famished. 1.7181 0.00839 8192 3843 2815 1534
34 Off the wall question for you... 1.7176 0.01038 5227 2418 1867 942
35 Skip Genesis. 1.7170 0.00818 9040 4372 2854 1814
36 I think someone needs a hug. 1.7158 0.00772 9561 4469 3340 1752
37 Hello, I’ve been trying to reach you about your car’s extended warranty. 1.7102 0.01273 3972 2021 1081 870
38 Just saying … Eve did it. 1.7094 0.00940 6377 2992 2246 1139
39 I also love to unwind. 1.7010 0.00676 12114 5703 4330 2081
40 My favorite chapter is Genesis. 1.6981 0.01127 4399 2094 1539 766
41 My mother was a bookworm 1.6968 0.00812 8578 4122 2935 1521
42 The taxidermist thought I was dead too. 1.6961 0.00882 7252 3483 2490 1279
43 You know, Bob, you could have picked something to read with a less insensitive title than "A Farewell to Arms!" 1.6960 0.00886 7478 3679 2393 1406
44 Do you know your asp from a hole in the wall? 1.6844 0.00917 7230 3701 2110 1419
45 Whatdaya mean, "Honey, call the pest control?" I am the pest control. 1.6752 0.01200 3732 1805 1334 593
46 At that moment, Harold knew he had to put the Bible down. 1.6667 0.00959 6181 3128 1985 1068
47 Not a creature was stirring, eh? 1.6632 0.00922 6315 3117 2208 990
48 You no longer have a rodent problem, but I’m still hungry. 1.6569 0.00976 5515 2719 1969 827
49 I’d like a chance to tell my side of the story. 1.6489 0.00951 5754 2861 2052 841
50 Yesssss. I know the Adam and Eve story! Let me tell you how it really went. 1.6464 0.01035 5039 2567 1687 785
51 Any idea where I can get the rest of the deer? 1.6405 0.01175 4131 2188 1240 703
52 I should warn you, there’s a big twist coming. 1.6192 0.01368 2818 1484 923 411
53 I like to curl up with a good book too. 1.6175 0.01295 3401 1869 964 568
54 Apple shares. Trust me. 1.6138 0.02384 927 492 301 134
55 I solved your rat problem. 1.6062 0.01497 2275 1204 763 308
56 Still interested in knowledge, are we? 1.5991 0.01523 2340 1292 694 354
57 Here's a fun fact -- it can take up to a month to fully digest a human. 1.5975 0.01567 2251 1257 643 351
58 What did you think happened to the taxidermist? 1.5972 0.01570 2125 1157 667 301
59 The moose is off this week. 1.5956 0.01549 2206 1210 678 318
60 Read me the part about the apple again. 1.5928 0.01555 2252 1258 653 341
61 Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated. 1.5926 0.01912 1345 716 461 168
62 Mind if I read over your shoulder? I have trouble turning pages. 1.5917 0.01548 2180 1196 678 306
63 Are you satisfied with your current hallucinogen? 1.5840 0.01735 1827 1040 507 280
64 Read that part again where I give the lady an apple and all hell breaks loose. 1.5836 0.01800 1789 1046 442 301
65 What do you say we light a fire, eat a few mice and see where the night takes us? 1.5814 0.01692 1806 1003 556 247
66 I love curling up with a good book. 1.5804 0.01631 1785 955 624 206
67 Just a heads up, part of me is clogging your toilet. 1.5734 0.01863 1559 896 432 231
68 You knew I was an invasive species. 1.5729 0.01913 1440 818 419 203
69 Don’t believe that version. It was all Eve’s idea 1.5712 0.01875 1509 862 432 215
70 Have you missed the wife? 1.5705 0.01909 1425 807 423 195
71 Well, she's gone. Now do I get my mice? 1.5672 0.01941 1622 998 328 296
72 If you skip Genesis it gets better. 1.5621 0.01891 1489 865 411 213
73 It’s nice to unwind after a long day. 1.5587 0.01854 1380 766 457 157
74 'So, can we get another cat, uh, please?' 1.5541 0.02167 1164 693 297 174
75 Myself, I prefer a cold-blooded murder mystery. 1.5493 0.02045 1258 742 341 175
76 Spoiler alert; They eat the apple. 1.5482 0.02147 1140 673 309 158
77 Would you mind going into the other room and untying the knot? 1.5432 0.02158 1123 667 302 154
78 I used to be a bookworm. 1.5413 0.02149 1114 659 307 148
79 On the positive side, you no longer have a rodent problem. 1.5401 0.02283 961 563 277 121
80 You should switch to tablet. Can I tempt you with an Apple? 1.5397 0.02203 1134 693 270 171
81 Don't you wish I was a feather boa? 1.5375 0.02521 720 408 237 75
82 Do you have a few minutes to talk about extending your car warranty? 1.5365 0.02375 999 620 222 157
83 The part about the woman and the apple is a bit exaggerated. 1.5362 0.02274 966 569 276 121
84 I found your trophy mount a bit… constricting. 1.5354 0.02129 1044 602 325 117
85 I see you're up to Genesis 3. Shall I read my part out loud? 1.5351 0.02230 1067 646 271 150
86 The butler did it. 1.5329 0.02420 1017 651 190 176
87 I was going to eat you but I'm stuffed. 1.5312 0.02427 864 517 235 112
88 It's time you confront your reptile dysfunction. 1.5290 0.02467 932 587 197 148
89 NOW will you stop drinking? 1.5278 0.02378 934 571 233 130
90 It looks like we both have a lot to digest. 1.5272 0.02335 918 549 254 115
91 Good new is that your mice are gone. Bad news is, I'm still hungry. 1.5272 0.02315 939 563 257 119
92 I swallowed your trophy wife. 1.5270 0.02446 888 545 218 125
93 Don’t be afraid. I’m not armed. 1.5265 0.02485 887 552 203 132
94 Read the part again where she hugs him so tight he can barely breathe. 1.5264 0.02319 929 556 257 116
95 There are 15 more feet of me behind your fake fireplace so listen carefully because I'm going to say this only once. 1.5233 0.02434 923 577 209 137
96 Relax, I’m a bookworm. 1.5222 0.02411 856 515 235 106
97 Oh, does it bother you when someone reads over your shoulder? 1.5198 0.02396 833 495 243 95
98 Okay, the house is pest-free. Credit card or Venmo? 1.5194 0.02522 747 443 220 84
99 Spoiler alert... Eve did it." 1.5187 0.02422 854 518 229 107
100 I would like to speak to you about your car's extended warranty. 1.5181 0.02644 828 535 157 136
101 Oh you thought I was stuffed? That was ages ago. I could eat again now. 1.5178 0.02438 844 513 225 106
102 Did you get to the part where I gave her an apple? 1.5153 0.02402 850 514 234 102
103 But the good news is that you won't have to clean the hamster cage anymore. 1.5141 0.02579 747 455 200 92
104 I get her to bite the apple at the beginning, but after that I'm kind of a minor character. 1.5138 0.02451 759 447 234 78
105 Hello, sir. Are you available to talk about your car's extended warranty? 1.5123 0.02664 775 494 165 116
106 How is ‘Taxidermy for Dummies’ coming along? 1.5113 0.02576 751 460 198 93
107 Oooh! Genesis Chapter 3, my all time favorite story! 1.5104 0.02561 770 475 197 98
108 It’s a New Yorker cartoon. You aren’t supposed to understand it. 1.5092 0.02734 709 447 163 99
109 I'm a bit of a bookworm myself 1.5090 0.02562 723 436 206 81
110 Spoiler alert: he eats the apple and they get an eviction notice. 1.5089 0.02756 674 419 167 88
111 If that's Genesis, don't believe a word you read. 1.5084 0.02570 777 484 191 102
112 Suddenly there came a hissing, as if someone gently kissing, kissing at my chamber door. Tis the wind, and nothing m . . . . . 1.5059 0.02544 769 475 199 95
113 Can we watch Monty Python? 1.5057 0.02600 706 429 197 80
114 What can I say, I’m a book worm. 1.5055 0.02572 728 444 200 84
115 I love curling up with a good book too. 1.5053 0.02537 750 458 205 87
116 I don't mean to impose, but do you own small animals? 1.5030 0.02699 674 416 177 81
117 The antlers were the hardest to digest. 1.5029 0.02577 688 413 204 71
118 We've been trying to reach you about your car's extended warrantee. 1.5017 0.02982 598 382 132 84
119 Come on, no ones reads Apple's terms and conditions 1.5007 0.02623 709 438 187 84
120 You're not half as surprised as the taxidermist 1.4992 0.02791 623 385 165 73
121 Feel like you need a hug? 1.4978 0.02629 687 422 188 77
122 Light the damn fire! I'm not THAT cold blooded. 1.4965 0.02612 713 443 186 84
123 Get to the part about the apple! 1.4950 0.02608 703 435 188 80
124 Honey? I think that medical cannabis dose you gave me is a little too psychotropic. 1.4946 0.02690 643 394 180 69
125 Would you be interested in watching a Monty Python movie on TV tonight? 1.4944 0.02750 627 387 170 70
126 Wait, wait - I wanna see what happens with the apple. 1.4939 0.02671 658 405 181 72
127 I do like that bit about the apple. 1.4931 0.02802 576 350 168 58
128 Can I tempt you into reading that on an Apple device? 1.4912 0.02892 625 403 137 85
129 I took care of all the mice...now what? 1.4898 0.02687 635 390 179 66
130 Clever how we got around the no pets rule" 1.4893 0.02757 607 374 169 64
131 Hi! It’s Amy. We’ve been trying to reach you about your vehicle’s extended warranty. 1.4882 0.03145 551 363 107 81
132 The name’s Conda. Ana Conda. 1.4866 0.02886 598 381 143 74
133 I see you are reading Genesis again. Just remember: The story about my part in the eating-the-apple debacle is agenda-driven and utter fake news. 1.4860 0.02854 607 386 147 74
134 Do you mind if I read over your shoulder? I have trouble turning the pages. 1.4858 0.02742 632 396 165 71
135 The day Frank gave up drinking. 1.4848 0.02986 561 359 132 70
136 The hardest part was not blinking for the first twelve years. 1.4843 0.02851 574 358 154 62
137 That's her side of the story. 1.4842 0.02668 632 389 180 63
138 I can't see the pictures from up there. 1.4827 0.02633 665 414 181 70
139 Hey, that apple thing worked out all right in the end, right? 1.4807 0.02494 674 407 210 57
140 Well, aren't you the charmer? 1.4804 0.02752 537 321 174 42
141 Your humble serpent... 1.4791 0.03004 526 333 134 59
142 You are wearing my mom around your waist. 1.4787 0.02986 539 343 134 62
143 Why does it always startle you when I read over your shoulder? 1.4781 0.02655 617 379 181 57
144 Would you read me the Adam and Eve story again. 1.4757 0.02830 597 381 148 68
145 I'm cold-blooded, you know. Would it kill you to light the fire once in awhile? 1.4756 0.02940 553 353 137 63
146 You look like you could use a hug. 1.4753 0.02881 526 325 152 49
147 Thanks for the deer head, but I'm still hungry. 1.4732 0.02859 541 337 152 52
148 I just love curling up with a good book! 1.4726 0.02798 548 338 161 49
149 And then God said, "Stop blaming the Serpent for all of your mistakes." 1.4725 0.02963 527 334 137 56
150 Regret waiving that home inspection? 1.4720 0.03230 428 268 118 42
151 Jack found Dr. Vendel's waiting room unnerving and generally tried to arrive as close to his appointment time as possible. 1.4711 0.03334 433 279 104 50
152 Eve will be in the garden at 6. Dress accordingly. 1.4708 0.02737 565 348 168 49
153 There's no symbolism. I'm simply here to eat you. 1.4667 0.02958 525 335 135 55
154 Flip to the part where they're naked. 1.4654 0.03076 520 341 116 63
155 Spoiler alert: It was Eve's fault. 1.4652 0.02911 488 301 147 40
156 I haven't left this mortal coil. 1.4634 0.03358 492 339 78 75
157 You're not easily rattled. 1.4628 0.02845 497 305 154 38
158 I just love to curl up with a good book. 1.4628 0.02957 497 313 138 46
159 I wasn't finished with that page yet. 1.4620 0.03028 487 310 129 48
160 How’s that being too cheap to repair a hole in the wall working out for ya? 1.4617 0.03127 444 280 123 41
161 The part about the snake and the apple is fake news. 1.4617 0.03179 470 306 111 53
162 I can be a bookworm too. 1.4603 0.02782 517 318 160 39
163 In that instant, Doug realized the folly of his decision to use a cut rate taxidermist. 1.4602 0.03287 452 298 100 54
164 We need another deer. 1.4598 0.02994 485 307 133 45
165 Read me that part about Eve and the apple again. 1.4594 0.03227 431 276 112 43
166 I'm dying to know. Do they eat the apple? 1.4583 0.02887 563 367 134 62
167 Even your acid trips are pretentious, Philip. 1.4580 0.03317 441 291 98 52
168 Is Eve around? 1.4564 0.03027 493 318 125 50
169 And she blamed me for that apple. Can you believe it? 1.4557 0.03186 474 313 106 55
170 Will you start a fire already, I'm cold-blooded! 1.4547 0.03119 464 300 117 47
171 Thanks for the moose head.....it was delicious! 1.4547 0.03086 486 317 117 52
172 Sad story. You look like you could use a hug. 1.4534 0.02987 483 308 131 44
173 And you always thought I would show up in your toilet 1.4529 0.03035 488 316 123 49
174 Sorry for the interruption but I really don't think you should skip the Genesis chapter. 1.4529 0.02972 541 358 121 62
175 I would prefer a couch potato for lunch, but a bookworm will do. 1.4514 0.03089 494 326 113 55
176 Read me the part where Adam eats the apple. 1.4509 0.02978 519 340 124 55
177 I'm upping my status from trophy to main squeeze. 1.4505 0.03172 444 288 112 44
178 Forbidden fruit my asp. I was framed. 1.4480 0.03433 404 269 89 46
179 Now comes the surprise ending. 1.4473 0.03040 474 307 122 45
180 Look, "constricting" is a bad word, lets call it a "hug." 1.4472 0.03013 483 313 124 46
181 I'll leave when I'm done digesting your moose. 1.4466 0.03127 468 308 111 49
182 Look into my eyes and listen, there was voter fraud, there was voter fraud, there was voter fraud. 1.4461 0.03116 464 304 113 47
183 Tell me where the rest of the moose is and nobody gets hurt. 1.4460 0.03073 500 333 111 56
184 Could you mount another trophy head? I’m still hungry. 1.4456 0.03011 496 325 121 50
185 The taxidermist said that your check bounced 1.4452 0.03140 456 299 111 46
186 Timothy Leary sends his regards. 1.4442 0.03456 403 271 85 47
187 Mounted python and the holy Braille. 1.4442 0.03557 385 260 79 46
188 Next time you will pay the taxidermist his full fee." 1.4433 0.02922 494 318 133 43
189 That whole Genesis section is pretty far-fetched, don't ya think? 1.4428 0.03078 481 318 113 50
190 Remember when you let my family loose in the Everglades? 1.4427 0.03228 436 288 103 45
191 Read the Garden of Eden part again! 1.4424 0.02955 486 314 129 43
192 Is that the one that blames my kind for everything? 1.4421 0.02874 466 292 142 32
193 I have to read over your shoulder. It's not like I can turn the pages myself. 1.4420 0.03389 405 270 91 44
194 Hello. My name is Alexa. 1.4414 0.03302 401 262 101 38
195 The only thing that will kill you faster than a trophy wife is a trophy snake. 1.4413 0.03414 392 260 91 41
196 You look like you need a hug. 1.4408 0.03322 422 282 94 46
197 Read me the one about the couple in the garden again. 1.4395 0.03309 430 289 93 48
198 Read to me again the part about Eve and the apple. 1.4384 0.03116 438 285 114 39
199 There's nothing like curling around someone curled up by the fire with a good book. 1.4383 0.03120 413 264 117 32
200 Read me that part again about that naked lady and the apple 1.4372 0.03208 430 284 104 42
201 You can skip Genesis, Reverend, trust me... 1.4369 0.03246 444 299 96 49
202 Greg always knew it would come back to bite him. 1.4366 0.03229 426 282 102 42
203 Okay fine, I'll wear the damned antlers if you tidy up the storage closet. 1.4346 0.03301 428 289 92 47
204 Your wife is having an affair with the taxidermist. 1.4346 0.03200 428 283 104 41
205 No, not that that old apple-slash-garden story again. Read the one where I bite that pretty Egyptian lady. 1.4345 0.03271 412 273 99 40
206 Can you read me the part about Eve again? 1.4344 0.03046 465 306 116 43
207 I thought you called for your serpent 1.4343 0.03245 426 284 99 43
208 I could swallow you completely, but I'm going to save your head for my trophy room. 1.4334 0.03618 353 238 77 38
209 Come on… get to the part where she takes a bite of the apple! 1.4329 0.03121 462 309 106 47
210 And then the very hungry caterpillar .... 1.4323 0.03477 347 227 90 30
211 Ooh, Paradise Lost! I have a cameo in that, you know. 1.4323 0.03769 310 206 74 30
212 Genesis" is fake news 1.4313 0.03515 364 244 83 37
213 Vote Republican 1.4303 0.03583 409 290 62 57
214 FYI, the taxidermist tasted just like chicken. 1.4302 0.03134 437 289 108 40
215 Spoiler alert: Eve is quite impressionable. 1.4300 0.03298 407 272 95 40
216 Spoiler alert: In the end they both eat the apple. 1.4296 0.03317 419 284 90 45
217 This is what happens when you read Steven King. 1.4294 0.03542 354 237 82 35
218 We both like to curl up with a good book I see 1.4290 0.03325 366 238 99 29
219 Your deer head was delicious but I'm still famished. 1.4289 0.03238 401 264 102 35
220 Genesis, chapter 3? Fake news! 1.4289 0.03426 415 287 78 50
221 Read me the one about the tree in the garden, again. 1.4282 0.03123 439 291 108 40
222 Ironically, I found being mounted constricting. 1.4281 0.03745 306 203 75 28
223 Don't worry, I'm stuffed" 1.4278 0.03564 360 244 78 38
224 Personally, I find it offensive that they call you lawyers snakes! 1.4277 0.03640 325 216 79 30
225 Read the part about Cleopatra again. 1.4274 0.03308 379 249 98 32
226 That business about Adam and Eve? Fake news! 1.4273 0.03249 454 313 88 53
227 Did she eat the apple? 1.4269 0.03275 417 281 94 42
228 Spoiler alert—God frames the serpent. 1.4266 0.03585 354 240 77 37
229 So whose the trophy now big guy? 1.4258 0.03218 411 273 101 37
230 Oh, I see you're reading Genesis. I know how this one ends! 1.4254 0.03269 402 268 97 37
231 Don't believe everything you read. Adam was all for it. 1.4251 0.03273 414 279 94 41
232 I wasn't done reading that page. 1.4249 0.03118 433 287 108 38
233 Tempting, but let's not piss God off again 1.4246 0.03373 391 264 88 39
234 Could you turn back to the part about me in the Garden of Eden? 1.4242 0.03155 429 286 104 39
235 Let’s just say the taxidermist owed me a favor. 1.4237 0.03304 354 229 100 25
236 Oh, I'm gonna be stuffed all right. 1.4232 0.03316 397 267 92 38
237 Don’t believe what they say about me in chapter one. 1.4227 0.03459 362 243 85 34
238 Is your wife named Eve? I'd like to have a word with her. 1.4226 0.03220 407 271 100 36
239 Your toilet is plugged. 1.4226 0.03516 381 263 75 43
240 Betcha’ wish the damn moose was still up there, don’t you? 1.4202 0.03492 357 241 82 34
241 I feel like a snack. How about you? 1.4201 0.03816 319 220 64 35
242 Don’t believe everything you read in that Bible. 1.4200 0.03909 300 206 62 32
243 I decided to go out for dinner tonight. 1.4195 0.03782 298 200 71 27
244 Lets switch places and surprise your wife! 1.4185 0.03433 399 277 77 45
245 Sorry about the dog. 1.4185 0.03328 368 244 94 30
246 It doesn’t end well. 1.4180 0.03667 311 208 76 27
247 So, where's Eve? 1.4178 0.03115 426 284 106 36
248 If you wanted to know about good and evil you could have just asked. 1.4176 0.03315 340 220 98 22
249 Our deal was, I’d play dead when you had company, and you would play with me when you didn’t. 1.4171 0.03477 362 246 81 35
250 Like you it does not end well. 1.4153 0.03649 313 210 76 27
251 Don’t worry, I’m vaccinated 1.4153 0.03470 366 250 80 36
252 Read me the one about the apple again. 1.4147 0.03287 340 220 99 21
253 How about a fire? I’m cold blooded. 1.4141 0.03817 297 202 67 28
254 That lion head was delicious! What’s for dessert? 1.4140 0.03555 314 208 82 24
255 Excuse me, where's the rest of this moose? 1.4138 0.03416 377 258 82 37
256 Did I rattle you? 1.4130 0.03283 385 259 93 33
257 I've taken care of the mice in the wall. 1.4119 0.03295 369 246 94 29
258 In the end they eat the apple. 1.4116 0.03443 379 262 78 39
259 Let's just say you should get a better taxidermist 1.4113 0.03126 423 285 102 36
260 It was the butler 1.4113 0.03408 355 239 86 30
261 Genesis? Don't believe everything you read. 1.4112 0.03135 428 290 100 38
262 So are you and Eve still in touch? 1.4108 0.03491 353 241 79 33
263 Your poor taxidermy skills are finally coming back to bite you... 1.4102 0.03350 334 219 93 22
264 I'm a big book worm too 1.4099 0.03572 322 217 78 27
265 I finally passed the cat. 1.4097 0.03390 371 253 84 34
266 I’m just popping out for a bite to eat. 1.4095 0.03515 315 209 83 23
267 Got any more deer heads? 1.4084 0.03170 404 272 99 33
268 Mind if I squeeze in? 1.4082 0.03646 316 215 73 28
269 Isn't this better than me coming up through the bathroom toilet? 1.4078 0.03705 309 211 70 28
270 You gonna drink that? 1.4075 0.03468 346 235 81 30
271 Now, don't you wish you had gone with the moose head 1.4073 0.03677 302 204 73 25
272 You know what happened the last time someone had a chat with a talking snake?! 1.4068 0.03676 295 198 74 23
273 You’re out of venison. 1.4066 0.03467 332 223 83 26
274 Better than snakes on a plane. Am I right? 1.4054 0.03238 370 247 96 27
275 You're in my chair again 1.4045 0.03575 314 212 77 25
276 First of all, your taxidermist is a fraud. 1.4039 0.03917 255 171 65 19
277 You live in Florida - what do expect? 1.4035 0.03663 285 190 75 20
278 Skip to the bit where Eve finds the apple. 1.4035 0.03147 404 273 99 32
279 Let me guess, the snake is the villain. 1.4032 0.03566 315 213 77 25
280 You might want to talk to your taxidermist. 1.4029 0.03507 340 233 77 30
281 I'm a big bookworm. 1.4027 0.03708 298 203 70 25
282 Don’t worry. Just stretching. 1.4026 0.03664 303 206 72 25
283 Taxidermy For Dummies, eh? 1.4019 0.03573 321 219 75 27
284 Mr Peaoody had long ago learned how to ignore his LSD flashbacks 1.4019 0.03627 321 221 71 29
285 Sorry, did I rattle you? 1.4013 0.03565 304 204 78 22
286 Maybe you aren't cut out for hallucinogenics. 1.4007 0.03865 297 208 59 30
287 No worries--I'm just stretching. 1.4006 0.03426 322 215 85 22
288 That's not your first glass of wine, is it!? 1.4006 0.03431 347 237 81 29
289 You can't believe everything you read in the Bible. 1.4005 0.03076 382 252 107 23
290 You might want to find a new taxidermist. 1.4000 0.03175 380 255 98 27
291 You can turn the page now. 1.4000 0.03433 350 240 80 30
292 Why don't we skip ahead and see who did it? 1.4000 0.03433 350 240 80 30
293 So Adam, life outside the Garden not so bad, eh? 1.3995 0.03201 383 259 95 29
294 Spoiler: Slytherin wins. 1.3994 0.03412 353 242 81 30
295 Don’t believe what you read. Actually, eating the apple was all Adam’s idea… 1.3994 0.03433 343 234 81 28
296 So what is Professor Freud saying about our relationship? 1.3994 0.03706 308 213 67 28
297 I guess I should have paid the TAXIDERMIST full price! 1.3993 0.03612 298 201 75 22
298 I cleaned the chimney and ate the deer head…Anything else? 1.3993 0.03811 293 203 63 27
299 That deer head was delicious. 1.3993 0.03926 268 184 61 23
300 Loved your antelope. Who’s next? 1.3989 0.03358 361 247 84 30
301 That garden story is fake news you know! 1.3988 0.03637 326 227 68 31
302 Guess what's for dinner,Harry? 1.3984 0.03173 384 259 97 28
303 Turn the page. 1.3982 0.03509 329 225 77 27
304 How's this for suspense? 1.3974 0.03556 312 212 76 24
305 But you said after I brushed my fangs, we'd read another chapter of Slithering Heights. 1.3973 0.03681 297 203 70 24
306 I know you like reading Harry Potter aloud and doing all the voices, but can you tone down the Parseltongue accent? Its offensive. 1.3965 0.03854 285 198 61 26
307 Snake? No, I'm just a huge bookworm. 1.3957 0.03529 326 224 75 27
308 reading helps me unwind 1.3956 0.03608 316 218 71 27
309 Is this your nightmare or mine? 1.3956 0.03717 316 222 63 31
310 Still looking for knowledge, I see. 1.3950 0.03924 281 197 57 27
311 personally, I found that book rather constricting 1.3950 0.03500 319 217 78 24
312 Sssssstorytime! 1.3942 0.03465 312 210 81 21
313 Yes, I ate the moose. 1.3942 0.03582 312 214 73 25
314 I like to curl around a good book, too. 1.3941 0.03211 373 253 93 27
315 You ever hear from Eve? 1.3938 0.03463 320 217 80 23
316 Mom did warn me that my trophy wife would turn out to be a real snake. 1.3938 0.03628 320 223 68 29
317 I wasn't finished reading that page. 1.3934 0.03736 272 184 69 19
318 And you were worried about rats? 1.3934 0.03376 361 250 80 31
319 Don't you just love curling up with a good book? 1.3931 0.03576 290 195 76 19
320 Apple for your thoughts? 1.3931 0.03834 290 203 60 27
321 You know, you really shouldn't read spells out-loud. 1.3926 0.03482 349 244 73 32
322 I thought you said, "Eat, Prey, Love." 1.3925 0.03878 265 182 62 21
323 Are you sure the clearance bin at the taxidermist was a good idea? 1.3922 0.03593 334 235 67 32
324 Just think of me as Schrodinger's python. 1.3913 0.04287 230 161 48 21
325 I'd like to give you a hug. 1.3912 0.03541 294 198 77 19
326 Eat the other apple and you can go back to living naked and carefree. 1.3910 0.03938 266 185 58 23
327 Can I interest you in an apple? 1.3902 0.03535 328 228 72 28
328 Mind if I curl up with a good book? 1.3902 0.03617 264 175 75 14
329 I'm cold blooded. Could you light the fireplace. 1.3900 0.03311 341 231 87 23
330 Can you read a little slower? I’m having a hard time wrapping my head around it. 1.3898 0.04069 254 178 53 23
331 If that is the Bible, I can tell you how it ends. 1.3889 0.03538 324 225 72 27
332 Reading Genesis? You know I got a new tell-all coming out soon, right? 1.3887 0.03836 265 182 63 20
333 Don't worry, I'm fully vaccinated. 1.3885 0.03915 278 196 56 26
334 You’re gonna wish you’d hung a fish instead. 1.3883 0.03296 309 204 90 15
335 Since you voted for Trump... 1.3882 0.04132 255 181 49 25
336 The ending will make you recoil 1.3879 0.04212 232 162 50 20
337 Can I get you an apple? 1.3871 0.03461 341 238 74 29
338 Do you mind if I read over your shoulder? 1.3870 0.03619 292 200 71 21
339 Reading really stimulates the imagination, doesn’t it? 1.3869 0.03498 336 235 72 29
340 I’m sssssure I will run again in 2024 1.3866 0.03439 344 240 75 29
341 Can't believe everything you read. Genesis, for example, is all lies. 1.3861 0.03737 303 214 61 28
342 Read me the part about the apple. 1.3860 0.03444 329 227 77 25
343 Remember that acid you dropped in 1979? Well, I am the flashback they warned you about! 1.3855 0.03578 332 235 66 31
344 Hi—I'm the ghost of lysergic acid diethylamide past. 1.3853 0.03516 340 240 69 31
345 you know there’s a whole other secret apartment behind your trophy wall… 1.3844 0.03126 320 209 99 12
346 Spoiler alert: Adam and Eve lose. 1.3840 0.04187 250 179 46 25
347 Hey! I wasn't finished reading that page. 1.3838 0.03636 297 206 68 23
348 I am a book worm too. 1.3837 0.03825 258 177 63 18
349 Your snake in the toilet nightmare has evolved. 1.3836 0.03679 292 203 66 23
350 I was framed 1.3835 0.04002 266 189 52 25
351 Seriously, you are never going to finish that book. 1.3833 0.03884 287 205 54 28
352 The taxidermist owed me a favor “ 1.3831 0.03833 261 180 62 19
353 Who wears a suit to read a book? No wonder Yale was the only school that accepted you. 1.3831 0.03604 308 215 68 25
354 My tail is stuck in the toilet again. 1.3831 0.04093 248 175 51 22
355 A message from Eve: get yourself downstairs for dinner immediately. 1.3831 0.03684 295 206 65 24
356 Ok. Everything's looking good. When she gets here, slip her the apple. 1.3822 0.03467 314 216 76 22
357 I feel constricted. 1.3821 0.03686 280 193 67 20
358 You know, your estate really should try to get a refund from that taxidermist. 1.3815 0.03851 270 189 59 22
359 Hello, I'd like to talk to you about you car's extended warranty. 1.3814 0.03935 291 211 49 31
360 This must be your first house with a central vacuum. 1.3814 0.03738 312 224 57 31
361 never trust your ex-wifes taxidermist 1.3808 0.04116 239 168 51 20
362 Did you get to the part about the apple? 1.3806 0.03555 310 216 70 24
363 Bob, I haven’t seen you since the last time you drank six of those. 1.3801 0.03657 271 185 69 17
364 We gotta talk, I think I ate some of your Viagra pills. 1.3796 0.03809 274 192 60 22
365 Turn the page already. 1.3795 0.04215 224 157 49 18
366 Eating of the tree of knowledge, are you? 1.3793 0.03567 319 225 67 27
367 I bet thiss is not your firsst drink tonight. 1.3791 0.03915 277 198 53 26
368 Yes, I'm a boa, but I'm not constricted. 1.3789 0.03836 285 203 56 26
369 Is that the Bible? I despise that book. 1.3787 0.03748 301 215 58 28
370 Go back. I wasn’t finished with that page. 1.3787 0.03535 301 208 72 21
371 Hey, it's your dream, your therapist will have a field day with this. 1.3785 0.04052 251 178 51 22
372 Your face! Oh, I wish I had a camera! 1.3785 0.03677 288 201 65 22
373 You need an Apple. 1.3784 0.03575 296 205 70 21
374 Can I try your wine. The deer was pretty dry. 1.3780 0.03809 291 208 56 27
375 If you pop a couple mice on the mantle every night I promise not to call the SPCA. 1.3777 0.03734 278 194 63 21
376 I've always liked Genesis myself. 1.3775 0.04034 249 176 52 21
377 Okay, turn the page! 1.3774 0.03828 257 178 61 18
378 Your trophy wife sent me. 1.3774 0.03581 310 218 67 25
379 Apple stock. Trust me! 1.3772 0.03764 289 205 59 25
380 On the other side of this wall is a bulge in my stomach that used to be your moose. 1.3770 0.03780 313 228 52 33
381 Apparently "stuffed animal" has more than one meaning. 1.3770 0.04000 252 178 53 21
382 Spoiler alert, Reverend. While I don't normally overextend myself like this, you should know that my alleged influence on Eve in chapter one is way overblown. 1.3769 0.03902 268 190 55 23
383 Where did you get that singing fish? It was delicious. 1.3763 0.03708 295 209 61 25
384 I just love this story! Read the part again where Cleopatra dies. 1.3758 0.03619 298 209 66 23
385 But you have to ask yourself, what if this isn't a dream? 1.3755 0.04090 237 167 51 19
386 You reading Harry Potter? I see myself as a Slytherin. 1.3755 0.03996 245 172 54 19
387 That part about me and the apple is nonsense. Trust me. 1.3754 0.03599 285 197 69 19
388 Define 'Stuffed,' Harold. 1.3754 0.03532 293 202 72 19
389 Mind if I give you a squeeze? 1.3750 0.03788 272 191 60 21
390 The ssssnake eatsss the guy at the end 1.3746 0.03448 323 226 73 24
391 The lion’s head was just an appetizer. 1.3745 0.03723 275 192 63 20
392 Where do you keep the rest of the bear? 1.3745 0.03945 267 191 52 24
393 And you have the nerve to call me 'cold-blooded'? 1.3739 0.04330 222 159 43 20
394 Can you read me The Jungle Book again? 1.3738 0.04086 214 147 54 13
395 You could have chosen a trophy wife instead, but nooo. 1.3738 0.04495 214 155 38 21
396 Your plumber is an idiot. 1.3737 0.03687 297 211 61 25
397 Either use different voices for Dmitri and Alyosha, or start over. I've lost the plot here. 1.3737 0.04538 198 141 40 17
398 I ate the moose. 1.3737 0.03495 289 198 74 17
399 For a Boa, a wall mount can be very constricting. 1.3737 0.03727 289 205 60 24
400 If you wake up your wife, we can play that fun garden game. 1.3735 0.03948 249 175 55 19
401 Tickle, tickle! 1.3734 0.03489 399 300 49 50
402 You may want to have a word with your taxidermist 1.3731 0.03831 260 182 59 19
403 read me the part about the apple again... That's my favorite part 1.3729 0.03512 303 211 71 21
404 Comfortable? 1.3729 0.03545 295 205 70 20
405 I’m a little cold. How about lighting a fire? 1.3729 0.03609 295 207 66 22
406 It's time to get a new dog. 1.3728 0.03613 279 193 68 18
407 So, the guy next door won't be bothering you anymore. 1.3726 0.03563 263 178 72 13
408 You may be wondering where the dog is… 1.3726 0.03838 263 185 58 20
409 You don't mind, do you? I can't see the TV from there. 1.3724 0.03812 290 209 54 27
410 Does the distinction between "venomous" and "poisonous" really matter when I'm so obviously literate? 1.3719 0.03629 285 199 66 20
411 I wasn’t done that page yet. 1.3715 0.04021 253 181 50 22
412 Snake preview... 1.3711 0.03706 291 207 60 24
413 Don’t mind me, I’m just unhinging my jaw. 1.3710 0.03485 310 217 71 22
414 reportsss of my death are greatly exaggerated 1.3707 0.04055 232 163 52 17
415 What's the problem? Haven't you ever seen a bookworm before? 1.3698 0.03535 311 220 67 24
416 Pssssssst! WHO wants a hug? 1.3697 0.03419 330 233 72 25
417 Can I show you how to curl up with a good book? 1.3696 0.03525 276 189 72 15
418 Your wife is using the Apple 1.3695 0.03573 295 207 67 21
419 Don’t stop reading now! What did the snake do after the bit with the apple? 1.3692 0.03940 260 186 52 22
420 Read me the part where Harry Potter frees the snake. 1.3691 0.03600 317 228 61 28
421 I made the taxidermist an offer he couldn't refuse. 1.3690 0.03754 271 191 60 20
422 C'mon, c'mon. Drink the apple cider. What harm could it cause? 1.3690 0.03515 290 201 71 18
423 After what you did to me, I can no longer be a civil serpent. 1.3689 0.04281 225 162 43 20
424 Tinnitus, eh? Or is it a persistent rattling. 1.3688 0.03756 263 184 61 18
425 So, how do you like Florida? 1.3688 0.04089 263 193 43 27
426 My name's Monty. What is your name? 1.3686 0.04137 236 169 47 20
427 It’s just the two of us now. 1.3681 0.03595 307 219 63 25
428 Pardon me, would you have any Grey Poupon? 1.3680 0.04129 250 182 44 24
429 My favourite part is when they eat the apple. 1.3679 0.03663 299 214 60 25
430 So,how was the edible? 1.3674 0.03603 313 225 61 27
431 It’s a bit late to consult the taxidermy manual 1.3673 0.03749 275 195 59 21
432 If it isn’t my old nemesis Professor Plum. No one will guess it was the snake on the wall in the study! 1.3671 0.03939 286 211 45 30
433 Don't you love Monty Python? 1.3669 0.03992 248 177 51 20
434 Mr. Snake, in the library, with all the time in the world. 1.3669 0.03789 278 199 56 23
435 Please, just one more chapter and I promise I’ll go right to bed. 1.3667 0.03797 270 192 57 21
436 Aww, does somebody need a hug? 1.3667 0.03528 300 211 68 21
437 Read me the story about the apple. 1.3667 0.03591 300 213 64 23
438 My name is not Monty 1.3663 0.03803 273 195 56 22
439 Look under 'venomous'. 1.3663 0.04132 243 176 45 22
440 Asp and you shall receive. 1.3661 0.03569 295 208 66 21
441 I am the Ghost of Christmas Asp. 1.3659 0.03876 276 200 51 25
442 I prefer a stuffed shirt over a stuffed, mounted deer any day. 1.3659 0.04416 205 147 41 17
443 Remember the first time I did this... you nearly had a heart attack. Look at you now. 1.3655 0.03441 290 200 74 16
444 The taxidermist was experiencing an existential crisis and only sedated me. 1.3654 0.03608 312 225 60 27
445 Does somebody need a hug? 1.3647 0.03750 255 178 61 16
446 It's payback time! Apparently you did not recognize that the taxidermist was the kid you bullied in high school. 1.3645 0.03749 299 218 53 28
447 Mind if I take a sip? 1.3644 0.04088 236 169 48 19
448 You'd feel less tense if you wore a boa. 1.3643 0.03567 291 205 66 20
449 Time for our good night hug. 1.3640 0.03837 283 206 51 26
450 Wanna hear my side of the story of Adam & Eve? 1.3636 0.03575 286 201 66 19
451 Might I impose upon you to turn up the heat in the next room? 1.3636 0.03237 352 248 80 24
452 P'ssst! Have you gotten to the part about the apple yet? 1.3633 0.03822 267 191 55 21
453 Word of advice: next time, shoot the tiger. 1.3632 0.04538 190 136 39 15
454 The asp did it. 1.3630 0.03756 281 202 56 23
455 It's Python, Monty Python. Not Jake the Snake! 1.3629 0.04203 237 173 42 22
456 Eve wants you join us for dinner in the garden. 1.3626 0.03796 262 186 57 19
457 This was supposed to be my curl up spot 1.3626 0.03758 262 185 59 18
458 Maybe it’s not my place to say, but your taxidermist is just phoning it in at this point. 1.3626 0.04448 171 118 44 9
459 Where’s Eve? 1.3621 0.03606 290 206 63 21
460 So how do you like the psilocybin I put in your wine? 1.3620 0.03875 279 204 49 26
461 Oh, I see you are reading "The Snake" by Al Wilson. You know this is Trump's favorite poem comparing me to the refugees coming over the border. Not all snakes are poisonous, vicious, and bite. Could you clear that up for him?" sighed the snake 1.3618 0.04616 199 146 34 19
462 No I am not reading Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets to you AGAIN 1.3615 0.03615 260 180 66 14
463 You must be Adam. 1.3614 0.03649 285 203 61 21
464 It's time to renew your Amazon Prime membership. 1.3613 0.04145 238 173 44 21
465 Did you happen to notice my plaque reads "Captured Live'? 1.3613 0.03715 274 195 59 20
466 Read me the part again where the serpent convinces Eve to bite into the apple. 1.3612 0.03707 263 185 61 17
467 So, it's still Eve's fault, right? 1.3610 0.04243 205 145 46 14
468 Now you know what that hissing sound is. 1.3609 0.03678 266 187 62 17
469 I have good news and bad news -- The Good being; you hired a really Bad Taxidermist 1.3609 0.03874 230 160 57 13
470 Just ignore that part about the serpent. 1.3608 0.03596 291 207 63 21
471 I love to curl up with a good book….reader. 1.3608 0.03785 255 180 58 17
472 I imagine you forgot about the "tail regenerates" thing, didn't you? 1.3607 0.04157 219 156 47 16
473 Read the part again where it's Eve's fault I have no horns or legs. 1.3605 0.03504 294 207 68 19
474 Now we’ll ssssssee whose head lookssssss besssssst on the wall! 1.3605 0.03988 258 188 47 23
475 This is absolutely your last opportunity to extend your car's warranty. 1.3603 0.04195 247 183 39 25
476 So did they eat the apple or what? 1.3600 0.03551 300 214 64 22
477 Trust me. It doesn’t end well. 1.3597 0.03531 278 194 68 16
478 You are getting very sss-sleepy... 1.3595 0.03743 242 168 61 13
479 Sorry to trouble you, but would you mind just scratching my nose? 1.3594 0.04078 217 153 50 14
480 I think your wife might be on to us. 1.3589 0.04184 209 148 47 14
481 Kill, then mount... 1.3586 0.04023 237 170 49 18
482 Please light the fire. I’m cold-blooded. 1.3581 0.03346 310 217 75 18
483 Is that what it is? Am I just a trophy pet to you? 1.3577 0.03637 274 194 62 18
484 If you asssssk me, the book of Genesis is just a lot of revisionist history. 1.3576 0.03749 288 210 53 25
485 Psst! You need a new taxidermist 1.3571 0.03893 252 181 52 19
486 Can I have a hug? 1.3569 0.03900 255 184 51 20
487 Don't blame me that things come alive when you read. 1.3566 0.03981 244 176 49 19
488 I’m glad we decided to read the book before watching the movie! 1.3566 0.03852 244 173 55 16
489 Coiled up with a good book? 1.3565 0.03925 216 150 55 11
490 Remember the acid trip in 1969? 1.3564 0.03640 289 208 59 22
491 You had me at, 'Now the serpent was the most cunning of all the wild animals that the Lord God had made…' 1.3562 0.03881 233 164 55 14
492 You think this is bad? Wait till you see my brother in your toilet! 1.3562 0.04099 219 156 48 15
493 Sometimes a snake is just a snake. 1.3561 0.04235 205 146 45 14
494 I also like to curl up with a good book, you know. 1.3560 0.03872 250 179 53 18
495 Read me the one about Adam and Eve again. 1.3559 0.03940 236 168 52 16
496 Yep, sorry. The moose tested positive. 1.3556 0.03751 284 207 53 24
497 Do you feel like an apple? 1.3552 0.03656 259 182 62 15
498 Thought I was dead...didn't ya! 1.3552 0.03759 290 213 51 26
499 Are you reading hisssstory? 1.3548 0.03892 248 178 52 18
500 Get ready for something really off-the-wall. 1.3546 0.03647 251 175 63 13
501 I see you're reading Freud again. 1.3541 0.04007 209 146 52 11
502 I’ll bet you’re sorry you had me done at Eve’s Taxidermy. 1.3539 0.03989 243 176 48 19
503 Hmm. "Do-It-Yourself Taxidermy." Good book, Steve? 1.3538 0.03919 260 190 48 22
504 What time did they say the mushrooms would kick in? 1.3536 0.03773 263 189 55 19
505 Would you like to see MY trophy room? 1.3536 0.03812 263 190 53 20
506 No. I do not know what it's like to have someone read over my shoulder. 1.3536 0.04479 181 129 40 12
507 Quentin reconsiders his choice of a live trophy 1.3535 0.04274 198 141 44 13
508 What if I told you I could save you 15% or more on your car insurance? 1.3534 0.03840 232 163 56 13
509 I don’t like the Adam and Eve story it’s scary . 1.3532 0.04158 218 157 45 16
510 Just having someone to turn the page puts all the joy back to reading. 1.3532 0.03947 235 168 51 16
511 That inexpensive taxidermist you hired sends regards. 1.3532 0.03562 269 189 65 15
512 The Moose was delicious! Do you have more trophies? A Bison perhaps? 1.3523 0.03495 281 198 67 16
513 Genesis . . . hmmm . . . care to hear my side of the story? 1.3523 0.03875 264 193 49 22
514 I felt so constricted up there. 1.3522 0.03813 247 176 55 16
515 Hey man your wall is out of mice again 1.3522 0.03941 247 179 49 19
516 You promisssed we could read "All About Eve" 1.3521 0.04277 213 155 41 17
517 I see you're reading the Book of Genesis. Perhaps I can help? 1.3521 0.03694 267 191 58 18
518 Frankly you could use a little sin. 1.3519 0.03516 287 204 65 18
519 That taxidermist was delicious. 1.3519 0.03750 287 211 51 25
520 Wouldn't you be better off with a trophy WIFE? 1.3519 0.03813 270 197 51 22
521 FYI....your wiiiffffe is sleeeeeping with your taxxxidermissssst 1.3518 0.03914 253 184 49 20
522 You never talk to me anymore, Harry. 1.3516 0.04526 182 131 38 13
523 When are you going to tell her about us? 1.3515 0.03944 239 172 50 17
524 I think it's time you found your own place. 1.3512 0.03953 242 175 49 18
525 I so enjoy sneaking up on you. 1.3510 0.03699 245 172 60 13
526 I liked the movie better. 1.3509 0.03788 265 192 53 20
527 We've been meaning to contact you about your car's extended warranty. 1.3508 0.04910 191 146 23 22
528 If thats a Bible you're reading way too much into it. 1.3506 0.03765 271 197 53 21
529 And knowing whereof they were wrong, they decided to blame the snake who was just minding his own business. 1.3505 0.04260 214 156 41 17
530 Do I really have a lisp? 1.3504 0.04046 234 170 46 18
531 Hans begins to question his interior designer 1.3500 0.03608 280 201 60 19
532 Guess where my tail is 1.3500 0.03973 220 156 51 13
533 Arthur's last words were going to be a very nasty Airbnb review. 1.3498 0.04195 203 145 45 13
534 I can stay in place when your friends come over. 1.3496 0.03642 246 172 62 12
535 It wasn't the apple. 1.3493 0.03701 292 215 52 25
536 I'd like to curl up with a good meal. 1.3490 0.03768 255 183 55 17
537 The mice … gone. 1.3488 0.03979 215 152 51 12
538 Yep, it didn’t just look like my eyes were following you. 1.3483 0.04727 178 131 32 15
539 I ate it...antlers and all! 1.3483 0.04794 178 132 30 16
540 Wanna play Jumanji? 1.3483 0.04221 201 144 44 13
541 Not sure what you did but Eve wants her rib back''' 1.3478 0.04138 230 169 42 19
542 If you taste anything like the taxidermist, I’m in for another treat! 1.3478 0.03543 299 217 60 22
543 This is what you get for using a discount taxidermist! 1.3472 0.03588 265 188 62 15
544 Don’t mind me. Just getting ready to curl up with a…um…good book, in front of the fireplace. Yeah, a good book. 1.3471 0.03814 242 173 54 15
545 Can I have a sip to wash down that moose? 1.3467 0.03908 225 160 52 13
546 Reading Poe after midnight can stretch one's imagination. 1.3465 0.03971 228 164 49 15
547 Did you get to the part with the talking snake yet? 1.3463 0.04122 231 170 42 19
548 Nobody wears a pocket handkerchief anymore. 1.3460 0.03800 263 192 51 20
549 You gotten to the good part where he eats the apple? 1.3458 0.04097 240 178 41 21
550 Just never know when life comes back to bite. 1.3456 0.04002 217 155 49 13
551 Now you see why you shouldn’t read aloud from “The Book of Spells!” 1.3455 0.04552 191 141 34 16
552 Is that the Bible? I have some serious objections to some of its content!!! 1.3455 0.03983 246 181 45 20
553 And another thing, your taxidermist has very cold hands. 1.3453 0.04129 223 163 43 17
554 These daily reading lessons are becoming a real stretch for me. 1.3452 0.03578 252 177 63 12
555 You just can’t find a reliable taxidermist any more. 1.3450 0.03957 229 165 49 15
556 Your car’s factory warranty is about to expire. 1.3450 0.04079 258 195 37 26
557 Don't worry. Intellectuals are too theoretical for my taste. 1.3445 0.04047 209 149 48 12
558 Wouldn't it be easier just to leave the toilet seat up from now on? 1.3445 0.04268 209 153 40 16
559 The Mystery of Loch Ness and too much wine appeared to be a bad combination. 1.3444 0.03775 241 172 55 14
560 Is not like the serpent crammed the apple down her throat. 1.3443 0.03832 244 176 52 16
561 Mind if I curl up with your book, and you? 1.3439 0.03862 253 185 49 19
562 I wouldn't have to do this if you'd listen to audio books. 1.3438 0.04592 192 143 32 17
563 I ate him and now I'm stuck 1.3436 0.03929 227 163 50 14
564 We need more mice in the basement 1.3436 0.03978 227 164 48 15
565 Tasty Moose head. What's next? 1.3434 0.04490 198 147 34 17
566 The Basilisk is actually a close friend of mine 1.3426 0.03798 251 182 52 17
567 I wouldn’t be reading over your shoulder if you’d just put a TV in this room. 1.3426 0.04167 216 158 42 16
568 On the bright side, I know where all the studs in the wall are. 1.3426 0.04063 216 156 46 14
569 There's a reason why they say you should cut off its head. 1.3425 0.03357 292 207 70 15
570 Would it kill you to read some fiction? 1.3424 0.03737 257 186 54 17
571 You smell good. 1.3422 0.04359 187 135 40 12
572 Spoiler: she eats the apple. 1.3422 0.03717 263 191 54 18
573 Well, after all, it is a den, isn't it? 1.3421 0.03462 304 221 62 21
574 Have you gotten to the part where I trick the humans into eating the apple? 1.3419 0.03631 272 197 57 18
575 We've gotten too sophisticated to offer people apples anymore. 1.3419 0.03846 234 168 52 14
576 And then the snake ate the man.....the end. 1.3415 0.04613 164 118 36 10
577 C'mon, just one hiss goodnight! 1.3415 0.04094 205 147 46 12
578 I could tell you a better story. 1.3414 0.03775 249 180 53 16
579 You realize, "bookworm" is just a figure of speech. 1.3413 0.03648 293 217 52 24
580 If you won't build a fire, would you at least cuddle? 1.3409 0.03705 264 192 54 18
581 0kay. Now read me one where the serpent is the hero! 1.3408 0.03752 267 196 51 20
582 I’m also anti-kindle 1.3408 0.04170 223 165 40 18
583 I'm tired of your wife telling me I don't match the wallpaper. 1.3408 0.04170 223 165 40 18
584 Eating the antlers was difficult. You will be a piece of cake 1.3407 0.03834 226 161 53 12
585 Why do you always take my bookmark out? 1.3405 0.03566 279 202 59 18
586 Can you turn the pages faster? 1.3404 0.03432 282 201 66 15
587 Just hear out my side of the story 1.3398 0.04192 206 150 42 14
588 Eve’s not here right now. 1.3397 0.04260 209 154 39 16
589 Yeah, all the creation stuff yada yada yada. But just wait till Adam eats the apple. Hoo boy! 1.3397 0.04094 209 151 45 13
590 Try not to read any sort of religious significance into this. 1.3397 0.04150 209 152 43 14
591 Think Sigmund! What do I represent? 1.3395 0.04175 215 158 41 16
592 Don't you think it's time that you told your wife about us? 1.3391 0.04130 233 174 39 20
593 Wait! I' still reading that page. 1.3390 0.03958 236 173 46 17
594 They always blame the snake. 1.3388 0.03662 242 172 58 12
595 Guess who can regenerate their tail. 1.3386 0.04449 189 139 36 14
596 That swordfish left me still hungry. 1.3382 0.03731 204 141 57 6
597 Can I have a goodnight hiss after story time? 1.3380 0.04039 213 154 46 13
598 Let me tell you MY side of the story! 1.3380 0.04054 216 157 45 14
599 On second glance I see it’s by Pynchon, not Python. 1.3379 0.04068 219 160 44 15
600 Can I give you a hug? 1.3377 0.04100 228 169 41 18
601 Oh how I do miss curling op with a good book. 1.3377 0.04100 228 169 41 18
602 If you light that fire again it will be the last time you touch a match. 1.3377 0.03872 231 167 50 14
603 Voldemort was not as bad as the book makes him out to be. 1.3376 0.03790 234 168 53 13
604 It's so cramped back there. I need to stretch my leg. 1.3376 0.04913 157 116 29 12
605 Once upon a time,there was an apple tree in the garden of eden 1.3373 0.03977 249 186 42 21
606 Up for a cuddle? 1.3371 0.04428 178 129 38 11
607 Time to get a new taxidermist. 1.3365 0.04045 208 150 46 12
608 Hey, do you have a plunger? 1.3365 0.04322 208 155 36 17
609 You’re gonna need a bigger plaque. 1.3364 0.04131 214 157 42 15
610 I hope that's a book on treating snake bites. 1.3364 0.04077 214 156 44 14
611 Interested in how it ends? 1.3363 0.03928 226 164 48 14
612 Sure it tickles. It's supposed to tickle. 1.3362 0.03810 232 167 52 13
613 Eve and I were really just work friends. 1.3362 0.03777 235 169 53 13
614 I am not reading over your shoulder! I'm just looking at the pictures. 1.3362 0.03825 235 170 51 14
615 Would you mind reading out loud? 1.3361 0.03774 244 177 52 15
616 Read me the one about the three little pigs again. 1.3360 0.03915 247 183 45 19
617 Do they still treat me only allegorically ? 1.3358 0.03631 271 198 55 18
618 This is my favorite part. Where I appear in the Garden of Eden. 1.3358 0.03516 271 195 61 15
619 Big mistake! You should’ve had me stuffed! 1.3357 0.03656 280 207 52 21
620 Admit it. You know they stole the election from me. 1.3355 0.04781 155 113 32 10
621 And the Oscar for playing dead goes to me. 1.3351 0.04218 191 138 42 11
622 Do the voices. 1.3351 0.04422 194 144 35 15
623 Psst, I am Monty the Python at your service. 1.3350 0.04661 197 151 26 20
624 Did you think I would go away if you started drinking again? 1.3350 0.04239 206 152 39 15
625 you need a better taxidermist 1.3349 0.04085 209 152 44 13
626 Hope you don't mind me reading over your shoulder 1.3349 0.03668 215 150 58 7
627 Would you mind picking up some more small mammals next time you're at Trader Joes? 1.3349 0.04007 215 156 46 13
628 I’m a book worm. 1.3348 0.03547 227 158 62 7
629 I recommend investing in mice 1.3348 0.03913 227 165 48 14
630 Not what I expected when the plumber said, "Let me get my snake." 1.3348 0.04162 230 173 37 20
631 Maybe you've been self-isolating too long? 1.3348 0.03779 230 165 53 12
632 Are you really re-reading the guide on how to be a civil serpent? 1.3347 0.03761 245 178 52 15
633 I think your taxidermist forgot a step. 1.3347 0.03816 248 182 49 17
634 I was looking to curl up with a good book. 1.3346 0.03922 257 193 42 22
635 Frankly, I thought the movie "Snakes on A Plane" was better than the book. 1.3346 0.03764 257 189 50 18
636 Remember that hole in the wall you tried to cover up with a plaque? 1.3333 0.04032 204 147 46 11
637 You're in my chair again, Gary. 1.3333 0.04424 186 137 36 13
638 Pardon me sir. Do you have any Grey Poupon? 1.3333 0.03934 225 164 47 14
639 Jungle Book again? You know Kipling wrote other books as well, right? 1.3333 0.04082 225 167 41 17
640 You really should find a girlfriend, Sigmund. These dreams are getting ridiculous. 1.3333 0.03912 243 180 45 18
641 Again with the apple! She ate it on her own, I tried to stop her! 1.3333 0.04131 225 168 39 18
642 The Book of Genesis? Lies, all lies! 1.3333 0.03702 237 170 55 12
643 The Raven couldn't make it. 1.3333 0.04244 213 159 37 17
644 This is my favorite part of Genesis. 1.3333 0.03857 240 176 48 16
645 Carl thought this gift from his ex-wife was odd, but now it made perfect sense. 1.3333 0.04315 180 130 40 10
646 You still reading Harry Potter? 1.3321 0.03624 271 199 54 18
647 I've been told you have a trophy wife. 1.3320 0.03779 247 181 50 16
648 It's actually, "Ssserpent on the Mount." 1.3320 0.03941 244 182 43 19
649 Wait, I haven't finished that page yet! 1.3320 0.03843 241 177 48 16
650 We're just crawling though this book. 1.3319 0.03946 232 171 45 16
651 You promised that if I held still for your dinner guests that we would go out. 1.3319 0.03946 232 171 45 16
652 Now might be a good time to grab your book light. 1.3318 0.03976 217 158 46 13
653 Adam and Eve, huh? Wait until you hear my side of the story. 1.3318 0.04185 217 162 38 17
654 Good book. But the part about the snake is fake news. 1.3316 0.04370 193 143 36 14
655 That wild boar was delicious. What's for dessert? 1.3316 0.04159 190 137 43 10
656 What would it hurt to just look at the last page? 1.3316 0.04468 187 139 34 14
657 I presume you forgot MY cognac? 1.3316 0.04468 187 139 34 14
658 Don't take the part about Eve, the snake, and the apple literally.. The snake was just a metaphor. 1.3315 0.04558 178 132 33 13
659 I see you decided to try absinthe. What do you think so far? 1.3313 0.04711 166 123 31 12
660 You might want to have your eyesight checked, that was the garden hose, you stuffed" 1.3309 0.05328 136 102 23 11
661 You can skip to the part about Cleopatra and the asp. 1.3308 0.03470 266 191 62 13
662 Did you get to the part yet where she gives him the apple?" 1.3307 0.03634 257 187 55 15
663 Didn't anyone ever tell you how impolite it is to read over someone else's shoulder? 1.3307 0.03829 254 189 46 19
664 Just stretching. 1.3307 0.03692 251 183 53 15
665 Sssssense and Sssssensibility? 1.3306 0.03919 242 180 44 18
666 Don't worry, I'm looking for Eve. 1.3305 0.03724 239 173 53 13
667 It’s a lie: I never said that to Eve. 1.3302 0.04106 215 159 41 15
668 I ate your taxidermist. 1.3302 0.03689 212 149 56 7
669 Charles, I told you I was cold-blooded. Please light the fire. 1.3300 0.04140 200 146 42 12
670 I'm more than just a pretty face, you know. 1.3300 0.03825 200 141 52 7
671 And I thought the Talking Bass was irritating! 1.3298 0.04511 188 141 32 15
672 Okaaaay, I’ll read something from the Jungle Book. 1.3295 0.03745 258 191 49 18
673 What are you, a 40 long? 1.3294 0.04629 170 126 32 12
674 Santa’s not the only one who knows if you’ve been naughty. 1.3294 0.03693 255 187 52 16
675 You think nobody’s watching, but I know your book is upside down. 1.3293 0.03796 249 184 48 17
676 Have you gotten to the part about the forbidden fruit yet? 1.3293 0.03796 249 184 48 17
677 The moose was delicious. You're next. 1.3293 0.03741 246 180 51 15
678 Never mind me, I'd just like to curl up with a good book. 1.3293 0.03559 246 176 59 11
679 That's when I realized she was your wife. 1.3292 0.03948 243 182 42 19
680 Had you not listened to me, you could be reading naked." 1.3292 0.03948 243 182 42 19
681 My taxidermist is a PETA supporter. 1.3291 0.04872 158 118 28 12
682 What I lack in antlers I make up for in reach. 1.3290 0.03655 231 165 56 10
683 Your wife says that you should eat more fruit. 1.3289 0.04025 225 167 42 16
684 That moose was tasty! 1.3283 0.04103 198 144 43 11
685 I love that part about what the snake tells Eve… could you read it again. 1.3281 0.03835 253 189 45 19
686 SSSSeeee....I told you not to micro dose 1.3280 0.03741 250 184 50 16
687 Pardon me, do you have any Grey Poupon? 1.3280 0.04412 186 138 35 13
688 I’ll be moving on once the back part of the deer passes through the rest of my system. 1.3278 0.03925 241 180 43 18
689 Psst. Sell Apple. 1.3277 0.03915 238 177 44 17
690 I think we’ve had enough of that singing bass 1.3275 0.04021 229 171 41 17
691 I know this book. The butler put a venomous snake in the room. 1.3274 0.04107 226 170 38 18
692 Slowly read the scene again about sharing the forbidden fruit. 1.3270 0.03930 211 153 47 11
693 What was in that wine? 1.3268 0.03946 205 148 47 10
694 Okay, one more chapter but then I am tucking you in. 1.3268 0.03569 254 184 57 13
695 Were you hoping for the elephant in the room instead of me? 1.3267 0.03984 202 146 46 10
696 Don't give me that look, I always got the impression you never liked your mother-in-law. 1.3267 0.04487 150 107 37 6
697 I think you need a new taxidermist. 1.3266 0.03759 248 183 49 16
698 Thanks for choosing cruelty-free taxidermy. 1.3265 0.03998 196 141 46 9
699 There’s more where this came from. 1.3264 0.04247 242 189 27 26
700 What is it this time? I’ve already eaten the apple” 1.3264 0.03763 239 175 50 14
701 You gonna finish that wine? 1.3263 0.03795 236 173 49 14
702 The good news is, you won't have to pay the chimney guy. 1.3262 0.04259 187 137 39 11
703 I think it’s time to cut back a little on the absinthe. 1.3262 0.03779 233 170 50 13
704 For sale: house with biblical proportions. 1.3260 0.04137 181 130 43 8
705 Perhaps unironically, the book reviewer met his early death due to a surprise plot twist. 1.3259 0.03982 224 166 43 15
706 I decided I would tread on you after all. 1.3256 0.03822 215 155 50 10
707 Try one of my apples. It will increase your knowledge better than that book you’re eating. 1.3255 0.04190 212 159 37 16
708 I bet you didn’t know I have friends at the taxidermist. 1.3254 0.04405 169 123 37 9
709 Where’s that girlfriend of yours? 1.3254 0.03800 252 188 46 18
710 Candidly, Capote missed a lot. 1.3252 0.04276 206 155 35 16
711 I've read that book but I prefer the one about the garden of Eden. 1.3251 0.03673 243 177 53 13
712 Excellent, the first chapter's my favorite, too. 1.3251 0.03764 243 179 49 15
713 Message from Eve. She says,'Light my fire.' 1.3250 0.04480 200 153 29 18
714 HONEY ,,, DID YOU PUT LSD IN OUR DINNER AGAIN ??? 1.3249 0.04354 197 148 34 15
715 You never wondered what happened to the cat? 1.3248 0.03766 234 171 50 13
716 Quoth the therpent, "Nevermore. 1.3247 0.04152 194 142 41 11
717 Yes, your wife sent me. 1.3246 0.03832 228 167 48 13
718 Ever try an apple? 1.3241 0.03745 253 188 48 17
719 I was a bookworm too, when I was young. 1.3241 0.04027 216 160 42 14
720 The chair is for Trump supporters - reading is prohibited! 1.3241 0.04133 216 162 38 16
721 Perchance did you neglect to unthaw my mouse? 1.3241 0.03973 216 159 44 13
722 No need to get all wrapped up in that book... 1.3240 0.04383 179 132 36 11
723 Your taxidermist owes you a refund. 1.3239 0.05150 142 107 24 11
724 Care to read about The Serpent On The Mount? 1.3237 0.04203 207 155 37 15
725 Let's go over that garden story one more time. 1.3234 0.03654 235 170 54 11
726 What time is dinner? 1.3234 0.04516 167 123 34 10
727 Sssssss-Spoiler Alert. 1.3233 0.03784 232 170 49 13
728 I'm stuffed. I swallowed the taxidermist. 1.3233 0.03582 232 166 57 9
729 Better call the Chimney Sweep. I just molted. 1.3229 0.04305 192 143 36 13
730 Already read it. It’s the butler. 1.3229 0.04111 192 140 42 10
731 The deer was good. What's for desert? 1.3229 0.03780 223 162 50 11
732 You thought it was over, didn't you, Harry? 1.3229 0.03937 223 165 44 14
733 That brass plaque over the mantel says I'm a polar bear. Do I look like a polar bear to you? Don't believe everything you read! 1.3229 0.03988 223 166 42 15
734 I was just "playing dead." 1.3229 0.03886 223 164 46 13
735 Ted ultimately came to terms with his no-kill ethical safari adventure. 1.3228 0.04774 158 118 29 11
736 In times of equality, I am obliged to be a gender-blind tempter. 1.3228 0.04940 158 120 25 13
737 I didn't think the characters were realistic. 1.3228 0.04221 189 139 39 11
738 Do you think you can mount a frog next time? Those antlers get stuck in my throat. 1.3227 0.03721 251 186 49 16
739 Tired of knowledge? Drink the appletini! 1.3226 0.04168 217 164 36 17
740 The fact that I don't have antlers should have tipped you off. 1.3224 0.03940 214 157 45 12
741 Read me that part again about Eve and the apple tree. 1.3224 0.04050 214 159 41 14
742 Read that part again that goes, "...the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals." 1.3222 0.04290 180 132 38 10
743 Read me that part again where I change the world. 1.3222 0.04290 180 132 38 10
744 Have you got to the part about the apple yet ? 1.3222 0.03755 239 176 49 14
745 Seriously, what kind of person has a taxidermied snake in the wall?!? 1.3219 0.04054 233 177 37 19
746 It's worse in the dining room. I farted. 1.3218 0.04441 202 155 29 18
747 Turn the page. I’m done with that one. 1.3217 0.03566 258 189 55 14
748 That's what you get for discount taxidermy. 1.3214 0.04077 168 119 44 5
749 I like to curl up with a good bookworm. 1.3213 0.03695 249 184 50 15
750 surprise! 1.3212 0.04349 193 145 34 14
751 You knew I was a snake before you took me in. 1.3212 0.04466 165 121 35 9
752 He was a better appetizer than a taxidermist. 1.3211 0.04136 190 139 41 10
753 Before you call the exterminator, have you noticed that your mouse problem has vanished? 1.3211 0.04268 190 141 37 12
754 I'm a bit bored. Do you mind if I read over your shoulder? 1.3209 0.04034 215 160 41 14
755 My name is Eve, what's yours? 1.3209 0.04034 215 160 41 14
756 Now it's my turn to have a trophy. 1.3209 0.03554 268 198 54 16
757 Now that I ate your trophy wife, you're next. 1.3209 0.04110 187 136 42 9
758 I think I get kind of a bad rap in Chapter 3. 1.3207 0.03628 237 172 54 11
759 Can I just read the cartoons? 1.3206 0.04056 209 155 41 13
760 Drink up...I like my meals a little sauced. 1.3202 0.04137 203 151 39 13
761 ‘That fire’s not going to light itself, Darryl’ 1.3202 0.03873 228 169 45 14
762 How much longer 'til the end? 1.3202 0.03873 228 169 45 14
763 That's what you get for taking the scripture literally. 1.3198 0.04643 172 130 29 13
764 Eve says to get a life. 1.3197 0.03743 244 181 48 15
765 It makes me uncomfortable when you read over my shoulder 1.3197 0.03876 244 184 42 18
766 Light the fireplace. Don’t you know I’m cold blooded? 1.3194 0.03964 216 160 43 13
767 Get rid of the martini. Try apples. 1.3194 0.03909 216 159 45 12
768 Eve loved this book. 1.3194 0.03677 263 197 48 18
769 Tonight’s story is The Big Squeeze by Anna Konda. 1.3193 0.03760 238 176 48 14
770 You skipped a page. 1.3190 0.03624 232 168 54 10
771 Still want to see how much of me is still in the other room? 1.3189 0.04205 185 136 39 10
772 Spoiler alert! You’ll never know how this novel ends. 1.3189 0.03683 254 189 49 16
773 Is that apple brandy? 1.3186 0.04235 204 154 35 15
774 I recommend the Book of Genesis. 1.3186 0.03878 204 148 47 9
775 You're probably regretting using that P.E.T.A. taxidermist right about now. 1.3184 0.03771 223 163 49 11
776 Now is the time to invest everything in bitcoin. 1.3182 0.04143 198 147 39 12
777 Ed realized house sitting for the Potters’ would be different. 1.3180 0.03885 239 180 42 17
778 Ah ... "In Cold Blood" ... one of my favourites! 1.3179 0.03925 195 141 46 8
779 Hello Adam, remember me? 1.3175 0.04242 211 161 33 17
780 It's forbidden to eat the olive. 1.3175 0.03967 211 156 43 12
781 Read the one about the three blind mice again. 1.3175 0.04405 189 143 32 14
782 Sssso, regretting that edible yet? 1.3174 0.04169 167 120 41 6
783 Bet you didn't see this coming?! 1.3173 0.04175 208 157 36 15
784 Eve wants to know if you would like a sweet, delicious apple " 1.3172 0.04322 186 139 35 12
785 Is this a good time to talk about your car's extended warranty? 1.3172 0.04322 186 139 35 12
786 I'd like to clarify that first chapter for the record. 1.3168 0.04084 202 150 40 12
787 I was hibernating, you idiot! 1.3166 0.04000 199 146 43 10
788 I've been trying to reach you about your car's extended warranty. 1.3162 0.03892 234 176 42 16
789 That whole Garden of Eden thing, Fake News! 1.3161 0.04524 174 131 31 12
790 For the record, that serpent in the Garden of Eden wasn't me. 1.3161 0.04211 193 144 37 12
791 Don't believe anything you read in Chapter 3 of Genesis. 1.3160 0.04007 212 158 41 13
792 It was your idea to read Poe 1.3160 0.03780 231 171 47 13
793 On page 248, I strangle the butler sitting next to the fireplace. 1.3158 0.04213 209 159 34 16
794 I love this story. At the end the snake squeezes to death the hunter, who is now reading in his library. 1.3158 0.04123 190 140 40 10
795 Go back, I wasn’t done with that page. 1.3158 0.04055 190 139 42 9
796 Let's read the book of Genesis 1.3156 0.03780 244 183 45 16
797 How about an apple? 1.3156 0.03949 225 169 41 15
798 I told you not to use that taxidermist. 1.3156 0.03898 225 168 43 14
799 Sorry to bother you, but my plaque psoriasis is acting up again. 1.3155 0.04256 206 157 33 16
800 You do realize that your imagination is a bit too strong. 1.3155 0.04027 206 153 41 12
801 Eve sent me. 1.3153 0.03985 222 167 40 15
802 Cutting me off like that was rude. 1.3153 0.03829 222 164 46 12
803 Don't swallow the myth. It was a fig tree. 1.3152 0.04211 184 136 38 10
804 Jim Corbett instantly regretted leaving a hole where the wild buffalo head used to be. 1.3152 0.04485 184 140 30 14
805 I find it ironic when literature represents snakes as menacing to humans. 1.3152 0.04694 165 125 28 12
806 You mind putting on the fire? I’m cold blooded. 1.3152 0.04614 165 124 30 11
807 Could you take off the antlers next time? 1.3151 0.03917 219 163 43 13
808 The deer head was tasty. 1.3149 0.04111 181 132 41 8
809 You promised we'd get another kitty. 1.3147 0.04150 197 147 38 12
810 Guess you thought this was Paradise. 1.3146 0.03821 213 156 47 10
811 Did you get to the part about me yet? 1.3146 0.03643 213 153 53 7
812 Your not going to like the ending 1.3144 0.03849 229 171 44 14
813 Get that fire going! It's cold in there. 1.3143 0.04277 175 129 37 9
814 What goes around comes around, of course 1.3143 0.03856 210 154 46 10
815 I could really go for an apple right now. 1.3143 0.03537 245 179 55 11
816 May I interessst you in CryptoSnake? 1.3138 0.04541 188 145 27 16
817 You wife is cheating on you in the pantry. 1.3138 0.03921 239 182 39 18
818 Whaddya mean you don't like apples? 1.3138 0.03738 239 178 47 14
819 Personally, I always hope for a happy ending... what about you? 1.3137 0.03663 255 191 48 16
820 How appropriate! I was just now reading Genesis. 1.3135 0.03649 252 188 49 15
821 Read to me about the Garden of Eden in Chapter 3. 1.3134 0.04151 201 151 37 13
822 I swear, I never once told Eve to eat that apple. 1.3134 0.03903 201 147 45 9
823 I guess you don’t know your taxidermist as well as you thought you did. 1.3134 0.03828 217 160 46 11
824 That Lion’s head was really tasty, thanks! 1.3133 0.03679 249 186 48 15
825 Guess we're both cold-blooded, wall street boy. 1.3132 0.04237 182 135 37 10
826 Do you think the plaque make me look fat? 1.3131 0.03806 214 157 47 10
827 If you read that book, you'll become God. 1.3130 0.04075 230 177 34 19
828 You do not want to see the other room. 1.3128 0.04357 179 134 34 11
829 Remove the antlers next time. 1.3128 0.04058 179 130 42 7
830 What did we say about personal boundaries? 1.3128 0.03775 195 140 49 6
831 My wife's not home, and no, I don't have an apple. Go away, I'm reading "East of Eden". 1.3128 0.03956 211 157 42 12
832 Oprah Book Club? Yeah, me too. 1.3128 0.03721 211 153 50 8
833 You're a man of great taste. 1.3128 0.04232 211 162 32 17
834 'Of Mice and Men'. I wouldn't be caught dead reading that. 1.3125 0.04087 192 142 40 10
835 My neck is killing me. 1.3125 0.04109 208 157 37 14
836 The deer head was kinda dry. May I have some water? 1.3125 0.03955 224 169 40 15
837 You need to speak to your taxidermist 1.3123 0.03680 253 190 47 16
838 Under B, Boa Constrictor. 1.3122 0.03834 221 164 45 12
839 That wouldn't be that Slithering Heights novel you're reading there would it??? 1.3122 0.03788 205 149 48 8
840 Guess who's going to be dinner. 1.3121 0.04146 173 126 40 7
841 Care for some forbidden fruit? Your wife says to tell you it's very tasty. 1.3121 0.04854 157 120 25 12
842 We're out of hummus back there, when you get a chance. 1.3119 0.03868 218 162 44 12
843 The only good part so far was that Eve lady and the fruit tree. 1.3119 0.03813 218 161 46 11
844 Hi there, Luscious; I haven't eaten in 6 months. 1.3118 0.04310 186 140 34 12
845 Could you lite the fire? I’m cold blooded you know, 1.3118 0.04192 170 124 39 7
846 You wouldn't believe how much more of me is still in that wall. 1.3117 0.03784 247 187 43 17
847 Can we watch snakes on a plane again? 1.3117 0.03966 231 176 38 17
848 Sure, take a sip! 1.3117 0.03870 231 174 42 15
849 And I thought those wall-mounted singing bass fish were creepy... 1.3116 0.03793 199 144 48 7
850 And Poe thought The Raven a bit unsettling. 1.3115 0.04288 183 137 35 11
851 You look like a man who's ready for some forbidden fruit. 1.3115 0.04560 183 141 27 15
852 The trout is gone. You're next. 1.3114 0.03648 228 167 51 10
853 It was not easy to lure Reginald away from a good mystery and his nightly brandy. 1.3114 0.04487 167 125 32 10
854 So THIS is why there were no negative reviews for this rental! 1.3113 0.03997 212 159 40 13
855 Are you at a good place to stop, we need to talk about some issues I have regarding my mounting! 1.3113 0.03940 212 158 42 12
856 Can you do the voices as well? 1.3113 0.03825 212 156 46 10
857 I cleaned the chimney. Anything else you need done? 1.3112 0.04028 196 145 41 10
858 So, you got stuck with me in the divorce? 1.3111 0.04116 180 132 40 8
859 The plot is a bit of a reach 1.3110 0.04148 209 159 35 15
860 …and the anaconda came down from its perch above the mantle, devoured the lord of the manor, and lived happily ever after. 1.3109 0.04326 193 147 32 14
861 It'ssssss fine. I'm vaccssssinated 1.3108 0.03872 222 166 43 13
862 You’re in a library. Look around. See any weapons, Colonel Mustard? 1.3107 0.04236 177 131 37 9
863 Hello Adam 1.3105 0.04116 219 168 34 17
864 Would you like a hug? 1.3103 0.04115 203 153 37 13
865 I hear it's a real page turner, which is where you come in. 1.3102 0.04084 187 138 40 9
866 Your ex-wife thought you should get squeezed for a change. 1.3102 0.04154 187 139 38 10
867 Who mounts a snake? 1.3100 0.04034 200 149 40 11
868 Reading Freud? 1.3099 0.03868 213 158 44 11
869 I'm going to curl up on the sofa. 1.3098 0.04268 184 138 35 11
870 Psssssssst. The Butler did it. 1.3096 0.03776 239 180 44 15
871 I ate the deer that was there but it tasted a little dry. 1.3095 0.03904 210 156 43 11
872 Did you get to the part about the forbidden fruit yet? 1.3095 0.03508 252 186 54 12
873 With hindsight, a voodoo taxidermist is probably his own yellow flag. 1.3094 0.04244 181 135 36 10
874 It was a dark and squirmy night... 1.3094 0.04244 181 135 36 10
875 Pardon me,sir. I took the liberty of confirming there are in fact no creatures stirring. Please continue. 1.3094 0.04097 181 133 40 8
876 You’re a politician—we’re one and the same. 1.3089 0.04159 191 143 37 11
877 I wouldn’t fall asleep right now if I were you! 1.3088 0.03917 204 151 43 10
878 Read the part again where Eve eats the apple and she and Adam are driven from the garden and its foretold they and their children will forever toil on the Earth. 1.3088 0.03928 217 163 41 13
879 That moose head lacked a certain tastefulness of meatiness. 1.3086 0.04489 162 121 32 9
880 I'm not called an invasive species for nothing." 1.3086 0.04225 162 118 38 6
881 Beth dies. 1.3085 0.04401 188 144 30 14
882 Those weren't regular gummy bears." 1.3085 0.04017 201 150 40 11
883 Of course it means you're gay. 1.3082 0.05285 146 115 17 14
884 Name's Anna...Anna Conda...In sales...I Rep Tile 1.3081 0.04542 172 131 29 12
885 This is as far as I can get, until I've digested the taxidermist" 1.3081 0.04542 172 131 29 12
886 Sorry about the chihuahua, but you’ll have to admit that it’s much more peaceful around here without him. 1.3081 0.04389 172 129 33 10
887 Read me some Genesis 3, would you? I can't get enough of it. 1.3081 0.03888 211 157 43 11
888 For crying out loud you're a slow reader...turn the page already! 1.3080 0.03699 237 177 47 13
889 Enough non-fiction. Let’s read some Kipling. 1.3077 0.04033 221 169 36 16
890 Am I constricting your reading? 1.3077 0.04151 182 135 38 9
891 I tried to come up the toilet but you have a serious clog. 1.3077 0.03630 234 173 50 11
892 I am the 'Ghost of Unusually Odd Thrift Store Safari Trophies Past' for some reason. 1.3077 0.04949 156 121 22 13
893 I thought his first book was better. 1.3070 0.03893 215 161 42 12
894 Wait until Santa comes down that thing. 1.3069 0.03875 202 149 44 9
895 You at least have to admire the taxidermist's plan for revenge. 1.3069 0.04047 189 140 40 9
896 Karma,my friend,karma. 1.3067 0.04632 163 124 28 11
897 You shouldn't read The Speckled Band before bedtime. 1.3067 0.03873 238 182 39 17
898 Trophy Boy, it's Snake Eyes 1.3067 0.04725 150 113 28 9
899 They Tried to tell you to stick with the Moose. 1.3065 0.04040 199 149 39 11
900 We’re out of toilet paper again 1.3065 0.04229 186 140 35 11
901 Would you or your lovely wife like to try a fresh , tasty apple? 1.3065 0.04017 186 137 41 8
902 Hey let's order in rats tonight. 1.3062 0.04433 160 119 33 8
903 You shouldn't have taken me out of the can. 1.3062 0.04691 160 122 27 11
904 Don't worry, I just got my booster shot. 1.3062 0.04081 209 159 36 14
905 I prefer Tolstoy's earlier works. 1.3062 0.03576 258 194 49 15
906 Excuse me, can you direct me to the rest of the deer? 1.3061 0.03950 196 145 42 9
907 Voldmort would like a word. 1.3061 0.05164 147 115 19 13
908 Trophy my … whoa, where’s my ass? 1.3061 0.04885 147 112 25 10
909 If your friends wanted you to be happy they would have gotten you a Billy Bass instead. 1.3060 0.05106 134 102 23 9
910 Touch my wine tonight and you're stuffed! 1.3059 0.04106 219 169 33 17
911 You should consider an other taxidermist. 1.3059 0.03676 219 161 49 9
912 He dies in the end ... of a snake bite. 1.3059 0.03897 219 165 41 13
913 Be careful what you wish for… 1.3059 0.04497 170 129 30 11
914 Mind if Read over your shoulder? 1.3058 0.04005 206 155 39 12
915 Don't mind if I read over your shoulder? 1.3057 0.03989 193 143 41 9
916 Hi. I'm Monty's cousin. And now, for something completely different.... 1.3057 0.04119 229 179 30 20
917 Of Mice and...what's that word under your hand? 1.3056 0.04394 180 137 31 12
918 You have to cut off my head or the whole thing grows back, sssssssstupid! 1.3054 0.03922 203 151 42 10
919 You know I hate when you read over my shoulder. 1.3054 0.04163 203 155 34 14
920 Please read Genesis again, will ya, will ya? 1.3054 0.03922 203 151 42 10
921 How long did you think I was going to keep pretending? 1.3053 0.04165 190 143 36 11
922 Read me again the part when Eve gave the apple to Adam. 1.3052 0.03799 213 158 45 10
923 In life I was your partner, Jacob Marley. 1.3049 0.03631 223 164 50 9
924 I'm telling you for the last time.Your wife knows and this is the last time I'm sticking my neck out for you! Barry Schreiber, Montreal 1.3049 0.04526 164 124 30 10
925 Keep reading and don’t mind me! I need to know what happens next. 1.3049 0.03554 246 183 51 12
926 Just keep reading The Atheist's Bible and pay no attention to me. 1.3048 0.03999 187 138 41 8
927 I think you will find me a much better negotiator than the moose was. 1.3048 0.03892 210 157 42 11
928 Reading, “Snakes On The Airplane”? 1.3048 0.04064 210 160 36 14
929 Go ahead, I dare you. Say I got it asp-backward again. 1.3047 0.03734 233 175 45 13
930 What are you reading, Oh, I read it. It's going to get scary very soon. You are in for a doozy of an evening. Got any more wine 1.3046 0.04190 174 129 37 8
931 Mounting me on the wall was one thing but I could not tolerate that brass tag. Seriously, you named me Monty? 1.3046 0.04190 174 129 37 8
932 I can’t believe I swallowed the whole moose. 1.3046 0.03998 197 147 40 10
933 You're next! 1.3045 0.03935 220 167 39 14
934 It's cold up there. Would you mind making a fire? 1.3045 0.03773 220 164 45 11
935 Would you like to buy an Apple laptop? 1.3043 0.03766 230 173 44 13
936 Don't tread on me" doesn't mean you can't read to me 1.3043 0.05102 138 106 22 10
937 You really should have tipped the taxidermist. 1.3042 0.03412 240 175 57 8
938 Care to cuddle by the fire with a good book tonight? 1.3041 0.03862 217 163 42 12
939 Quote from Dr. Freud all you like, you'll never convince me that THAT is all I mean to you. 1.3041 0.04038 194 145 39 10
940 What you cut off was not my head 1.3039 0.04145 204 156 34 14
941 You promised me a trophy wife. 1.3039 0.04442 181 139 29 13
942 I WAS stuffed, but now I'm starving. 1.3038 0.04553 158 119 30 9
943 Hmmmm, seems your last shot wasn't as good as you thought it was... 1.3037 0.03954 214 162 39 13
944 When I’m hungry, this converts to a dining room. 1.3037 0.04341 191 147 30 14
945 Hug? 1.3036 0.03884 224 170 40 14
946 You are getting sleepy,very sleepy… 1.3036 0.04528 168 128 29 11
947 Why read a book when there is a tempting Apple iPad waiting for you? 1.3034 0.03818 234 178 41 15
948 You will be haunted by three serpents... 1.3033 0.04047 211 161 36 14
949 You really didn't think that whole trophy hunting thing thru, did you? Well, guess what? 1.3032 0.04121 188 141 37 10
950 Where did you get the suit Adam? 1.3032 0.04121 188 141 37 10
951 Eden, Eve, the apple. You never hear "Rabbit In The Grass". How about "Squirrels On The Plane? Just remember I'm the victim here. 1.3030 0.04419 165 124 32 9
952 May I look over your shoulder? 1.3030 0.04108 198 150 36 12
953 You ate the apple, didn't you. 1.3029 0.04087 208 159 35 14
954 Do you prefer head or feet first? 1.3029 0.03792 208 154 45 9
955 Want an apple? 1.3029 0.04400 175 133 31 11
956 Yo man, you turn the page when I tell you. 1.3028 0.04468 142 104 33 5
957 Bullseye! I could have come down your chimney, but didn't want to catch the flue. 1.3028 0.04687 142 106 29 7
958 He dies at the end. 1.3028 0.04061 218 168 34 16
959 There’sss sssomebody at the door. 1.3027 0.03873 185 135 44 6
960 I ate the elk's head, and now I'm going to eat you. 1.3026 0.04671 152 115 28 9
961 I’m having an identity crisis. Am I a trophy or a snake? 1.3026 0.03887 195 144 43 8
962 I was a deer in a past life. 1.3024 0.03950 205 154 40 11
963 We've been trying to reach you about your car'sssss extended warranty 1.3023 0.03938 215 163 39 13
964 Your taxidermist stinks. 1.3023 0.04047 215 165 35 15
965 Can I interest you in Apple TV? 1.3023 0.03993 215 164 37 14
966 I, too, love Snakespeare. 1.3021 0.04193 192 146 34 12
967 Is this apartment 2B or not 2B? 1.3021 0.04128 192 145 36 11
968 Psst! Remember me? 1.3018 0.04058 222 172 33 17
969 I always like a good thriller. 1.3018 0.03744 222 166 45 11
970 Thank you for dessert. 1.3018 0.04345 169 127 33 9
971 The deer head was a yummy snack. 1.3017 0.04256 179 135 34 10
972 Genesis? Sigh. I beg to differ with the author's portrayal. 1.3017 0.04029 179 132 40 7
973 Are you ever planning to turn the page? 1.3015 0.03441 272 205 52 15
974 Well maybe I lied about the apple but trust me on this one 1.3014 0.03897 209 157 41 11
975 The gas fireplace is making a hissing sound. 1.3013 0.03770 229 173 43 13
976 Don't make this a size thing. 1.3013 0.03820 229 174 41 14
977 Don’t believe it. I was never anywhere near that damned apple tree. 1.3013 0.04933 156 122 21 13
978 Invessst in Apple 1.3011 0.04146 186 140 36 10
979 Maybe I've had enough wine for tonight 1.3011 0.04215 186 141 34 11
980 Hurry up, I have guests coming, it's your turn to stick your head through the trophy mount now! 1.3010 0.04068 196 148 37 11
981 Go ahead, have a little peek at the ending. 1.3009 0.03867 216 163 41 12
982 Quoth the Serpent: “You’re a bore.” 1.3006 0.04429 173 132 30 11
983 That largemouth bass was dry and tasteless but you look promising. 1.3006 0.03948 173 126 42 5
984 You're in a dream where there's not even a caption for this cartoon. 1.3006 0.04504 173 133 28 12
985 I’d like to invite you to dinner. 1.3005 0.04190 183 138 35 10
986 Those trashy fantasy novels are poisoning your mind. 1.3005 0.04302 193 149 30 14
987 Ever try curling up with a good boa? 1.3004 0.03724 233 176 44 13
988 ‘Are you at the part where I totally fooled that woman, Eve?’ 1.3000 0.04403 170 129 31 10
989 No fire tonight. Revenge is best served cold. 1.3000 0.03650 240 181 46 13
990 Still hungry. Next time put the whole moose up. 1.3000 0.04010 200 151 38 11
991 His ealier work is much better. 1.3000 0.03756 230 174 43 13
992 S-s-spoiler alert! 1.3000 0.04308 180 137 32 11
993 Don't believe what is written there. It was Eve's idea to eat that apple! 1.3000 0.04010 200 151 38 11
994 Get to the part where I gave Eve the apple. 1.3000 0.03996 210 160 37 13
995 Nobody wears ascots or uses pocket squares anymore. Just sayin. Also, your wife's fantasy was much, much different. 1.2996 0.03823 237 182 39 16
996 When she offers you the apple, DO NOT taste it. 1.2996 0.03581 237 177 49 11
997 I hear you're interested in meeting a bookworm? 1.2996 0.03684 227 170 46 11
998 That taxidermist you left me with was quite tasty. 1.2995 0.03917 207 156 40 11
999 Call me Ishmael." That always makes me slither 1.2995 0.03857 207 155 42 10
1000 Kiss? 1.2995 0.03917 207 156 40 11
1001 If you don't want animals in your house, don't leave a big hole in the wall. 1.2995 0.03857 207 155 42 10
1002 You know that thing about 'draining the swamp' was just a ruse, right? 1.2995 0.03920 197 147 41 9
1003 Remember me? Africa? 1978? 1.2995 0.03985 187 139 40 8
1004 Is this magical realism too real for you, Carl? 1.2994 0.04207 177 133 35 9
1005 ''Bet that's the last time you have absinthe before bedtime.'' 1.2993 0.05146 147 116 18 13
1006 Would you be interested in the knowledge of good and evil ? 1.2991 0.03469 214 155 54 5
1007 It's one of those books you need to read with the lights on. Trust me. 1.2990 0.04075 204 156 35 13
1008 Feed your mind, or feed me, your choice. 1.2990 0.04025 194 146 38 10
1009 Trump 2024. 1.2990 0.04282 194 150 30 14
1010 Are you reading Freud again? 1.2988 0.04592 164 126 27 11
1011 OK, next page. 1.2986 0.03961 221 170 36 15
1012 Want a snack? How about an apple? 1.2986 0.03636 221 164 48 9
1013 Did you make this with dry vermouth again!? 1.2983 0.04215 181 137 34 10
1014 Do you want me to tell you how it ends? 1.2983 0.04067 181 135 38 8
1015 No more Bible stories! 1.2983 0.03618 238 179 47 12
1016 Are you going to drink this? 1.2982 0.04139 171 127 37 7
1017 Pssstt, you forgot a step before mounting me. 1.2982 0.03945 218 167 37 14
1018 I find a nice Pinot Noir pairs well with the rodents in your walls. 1.2980 0.04584 151 114 29 8
1019 Adam, try reading that on your Apple. 1.2980 0.04279 198 154 29 15
1020 See? I told you it was Eve. 1.2980 0.03687 245 187 43 15
1021 Interesting! I got the same reaction from the taxidermist. 1.2979 0.04694 141 106 28 7
1022 Why you should never hire a PETA endorsed taxidermist. 1.2979 0.04473 141 104 32 5
1023 Adam, Eve, the Apple...and hardly a word about your obedient serpent? 1.2979 0.03746 235 179 42 14
1024 Have you seen my shoes? 1.2978 0.04408 178 137 29 12
1025 The fire won't light itself, Geoff. 1.2978 0.04186 178 134 35 9
1026 There’s more. 1.2977 0.03927 215 164 38 13
1027 Let me tell you a story about how a live reptile became a trophy 1.2977 0.04142 215 168 30 17
1028 Go ahead, look it up. I told you I'm not a moose. 1.2976 0.04512 168 129 28 11
1029 Taxidermy for Dummies," indeed 1.2976 0.04667 168 131 24 13
1030 Are you compensating for something? 1.2970 0.03913 202 152 40 10
1031 Let's play "Snakes and Ladders"... I'll be the snake. 1.2970 0.04648 165 128 25 12
1032 Should I tell you how it ends? 1.2969 0.03709 229 173 44 12
1033 Now here’s a plot twist. 1.2969 0.03604 229 171 48 10
1034 You still end up paying in the end with budget taxidermy. 1.2969 0.03840 192 142 43 7
1035 You are fantasizing, sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. 1.2969 0.04114 192 146 35 11
1036 I ate the kudu in the bedroom too. 1.2968 0.03710 219 164 45 10
1037 No one will know if you just watch the movie. 1.2967 0.03972 182 135 40 7
1038 Who else were you expecting down your chimney this Christmas, huh? 1.2967 0.04195 182 138 34 10
1039 It’s time to feed me. You’re next. 1.2967 0.04048 182 136 38 8
1040 I ate the deer. 1.2967 0.03885 209 158 40 11
1041 Stranger than fiction! 1.2965 0.04015 199 151 37 11
1042 Wanna wrap? 1.2965 0.03951 199 150 39 10
1043 How 'Bout Them Apples? 1.2964 0.03559 253 192 47 14
1044 Need anything from the kitchen? 1.2963 0.03625 216 160 48 8
1045 Re-reading "Taxidermy for Beginners" by chance?? 1.2961 0.03934 179 132 41 6
1046 I knew I should have turned you into a pair of shoes and a purse when I had the chance. 1.2959 0.03924 196 147 40 9
1047 So how has that self taught taxidermy been working out? 1.2958 0.05075 142 111 20 11
1048 Oh, sorry, I was looking for Eve! 1.2958 0.03891 213 162 39 12
1049 They weren't kidding about the twist. 1.2958 0.03775 213 160 43 10
1050 We can do this the easy way or the hard way. Either way, it's the last chapter. 1.2957 0.03643 230 173 46 11
1051 Mind if I squeeze in? I like to snuggle up with a good book too. 1.2956 0.04045 159 116 39 4
1052 You might want to skip to the last chapter. 1.2956 0.04080 203 156 34 13
1053 I see you like reading Poe - I'm subbing for the Raven tonight 1.2955 0.04288 176 134 32 10
1054 Moby Dick? Really? 1.2955 0.04134 176 132 36 8
1055 John, I'm worried about you, you spent 30 minutes getting those logs and didn't even start the fire! Also you're talking to a snake 1.2955 0.04363 176 135 30 11
1056 Stop slurring your s's 1.2953 0.03962 193 145 39 9
1057 The book...Something Wicked This Way Cometh, finally came alive for him. 1.2952 0.03985 210 161 36 13
1058 Did you really think I wouldn’t notice you there? 1.2952 0.04295 166 125 33 8
1059 Can you please leave the flue open? I'm cold-blooded, you know. 1.2952 0.03673 227 171 45 11
1060 Remember that fateful day on your safari in Africa? 1.2946 0.03530 241 181 49 11
1061 Arte, I think you had enough absinthe today. You’re seeing things crawling out of the wood. 1.2945 0.04678 146 111 27 8
1062 If you're going to stuff a snake, you have to stuff us all the way. 1.2945 0.04432 163 124 30 9
1063 Genesis was a total hit piece 1.2944 0.04146 180 136 35 9
1064 Can I interest you in another apple brandy? 1.2944 0.04221 180 137 33 10
1065 There's a stranger at the door. get rid of him. 1.2944 0.04037 197 150 36 11
1066 I can also double as a central vac! 1.2944 0.04101 197 151 34 12
1067 Read me the part where she eat's the apple again ! 1.2944 0.03629 231 174 46 11
1068 …depends. Are you Slitherin or Griffindor? 1.2941 0.04182 187 143 33 11
1069 Hey, thanks for not lighting those logs. 1.2941 0.04003 204 156 36 12
1070 Ya shoulda cut off my head when you had the chance... 1.2941 0.04250 187 144 31 12
1071 Without me the story would have ended after page 2. 1.2941 0.04250 187 144 31 12
1072 Plastics. 1.2941 0.04225 170 128 34 8
1073 She snakes her way into his heart and he asps her to marry him. Poison insues. 1.2939 0.03915 228 177 35 16
1074 Go ahead, turn to the end. It's not forbidden." 1.2938 0.03911 211 161 38 12
1075 Have you got to the part about me yet? 1.2938 0.03853 211 160 40 11
1076 You should not have gone with that cut rate taxidermist. 1.2938 0.03955 177 131 40 6
1077 I'm no longer stuffed. 1.2935 0.03853 201 151 41 9
1078 Do you still think you deserved that plaque? 1.2933 0.03690 225 170 44 11
1079 Would you mind lighting the fire, I'm a little cold. 1.2933 0.04391 150 112 32 6
1080 Reminder: Pay the taxidermist. 1.2933 0.03705 208 155 45 8
1081 Keep reading. I want to find out if she eats the apple. 1.2933 0.03829 208 157 41 10
1082 You know, I went to school with that serpent and she said that Eve exaggerated the whole thing. 1.2932 0.04052 191 145 36 10
1083 “The report of my death was an exaggeration.” 1.2930 0.03803 215 163 41 11
1084 I hate being reduced to biblical symbolism within Oprah's top picks. 1.2930 0.04264 157 117 34 6
1085 Knock, knock. 1.2927 0.04575 164 127 26 11
1086 Sorry, this bothers you? Reading over your shoulder? Was trying to be discreet. 1.2927 0.04323 164 124 32 8
1087 We're out of antelope. 1.2927 0.04408 164 125 30 9
1088 You know “hisstory” repeats itself, Adam… 1.2927 0.04162 205 160 30 15
1089 Harry Potter’s parseltongue accent is all wrong. 1.2927 0.04736 164 129 22 13
1090 Just do what I say and President of the Co-Op Board is yours! 1.2926 0.04230 188 145 31 12
1091 Doing your own taxidermy again, I see. 1.2926 0.03879 188 140 41 7
1092 Would you mind lighting the fireplace? It's cold up there. 1.2926 0.03879 188 140 41 7
1093 And now you know it's science, not fiction. 1.2926 0.03879 188 140 41 7
1094 Thirty minutes, Roger, and then it’s back into the cage. I promise. 1.2925 0.03719 212 159 44 9
1095 FYI -I never gave anyone any fruit. 1.2924 0.04520 171 133 26 12
1096 Is this the part of the book where the serpent talks? 1.2924 0.04204 171 129 34 8
1097 Go ahead and drink the apple cider. Then you’ll know how the book ends. 1.2923 0.03927 195 147 39 9
1098 By any chance is that apple juice? 1.2923 0.03859 195 146 41 8
1099 I thought Eve was taking care of you. 1.2922 0.03698 219 165 44 10
1100 Adam, we really need to talk. 1.2922 0.03698 219 165 44 10
1101 Hi! We should curl up and talk. 1.2922 0.03810 219 167 40 12
1102 'You said you would do the voices this time...' 1.2922 0.03698 219 165 44 10
1103 Forget the book. Let's wait for the movie. 1.2922 0.03641 219 164 46 9
1104 Ya have any Pepto Bismol? I thought the moose head was real. 1.2922 0.04781 154 120 23 11
1105 Well, the doggy door is the wrong shape. 1.2919 0.04548 161 124 27 10
1106 Free hug? 1.2919 0.04374 161 122 31 8
1107 Note to self: I promise to stop next week! 1.2919 0.04136 185 141 34 10
1108 I bet you really are regretting pissing off the old gypsy woman now, aren’t you? 1.2918 0.03445 233 173 52 8
1109 Ooooh, The Jungle Book. One of my favoritesssssss. 1.2917 0.03844 216 165 39 12
1110 I paid off your taxidermist. Any last words? 1.2917 0.04496 168 130 27 11
1111 Can you start the fire? I'm a little chilled. 1.2917 0.04101 192 147 34 11
1112 One more page please? 1.2913 0.03723 206 154 44 8
1113 The antelope head was yummy 1.2913 0.03969 206 158 36 12
1114 Do you find the mystery, err, gripping enough?? 1.2913 0.03969 206 158 36 12
1115 Congratulations! Once more we'll switch roles, which once again you'll forget by tomorrow. 1.2912 0.04180 182 139 33 10
1116 Dr. Freud is on line one... should I tell him you're busy? 1.2912 0.03800 182 134 43 5
1117 Get to the part where they get on the plane. 1.2912 0.04180 182 139 33 10
1118 Is Eve home? 1.2911 0.04144 158 117 36 5
1119 Can't you just bring the drinks to me? 1.2910 0.04005 189 143 37 9
1120 You're reading too much into this. Relax...Just go limp. 1.2910 0.03934 189 142 39 8
1121 At least your mice problems have disappeared. 1.2910 0.04005 189 143 37 9
1122 I am going to have to leave you sir. I have found a position with a more constricting schedule 1.2909 0.04469 165 127 28 10
1123 Reading the Bible eh? Man I remember those days. By the way I saw an apple in the fridge that belongs to your roommate but you should totally eat it. 1.2909 0.04385 165 126 30 9
1124 You had a lousy taxidermist… 1.2907 0.04496 172 134 26 12
1125 Once upon a time in the Garden of Good and Evil"...Go ahead, please keep reading. I love thisss story! 1.2907 0.04420 172 133 28 11
1126 Before the night is over, you will be visited by the ghosts of Game Trophies Past, Present and Future. 1.2905 0.04818 148 115 23 10
1127 I can show you the way to the tree of life if you want immortality. 1.2905 0.04151 179 136 34 9
1128 I’m sitting in for the moose tonight 1.2905 0.04074 179 135 36 8
1129 Keep in mind while you’re reading: Adam and Eve knew the author. 1.2903 0.04324 186 145 28 13
1130 Unfortunately, Charles was not aware of the regenerative qualities of the Giant Anaconda he had slain on his latest hunting adventure. 1.2903 0.03973 186 140 38 8
1131 I told you, J.K. Rowling is full of shit.. 1.2903 0.04324 186 145 28 13
1132 sssspoilerssss 1.2903 0.03829 217 166 39 12
1133 I was never a bookworm till now. 1.2902 0.03639 224 169 45 10
1134 I know, you have told me before not to read over your shoulder. 1.2901 0.04261 162 122 33 7
1135 Adam, how would you like some Apple stock? 1.2900 0.04108 200 155 32 13
1136 There's LSD in your wine. 1.2899 0.03952 207 159 36 12
1137 Are we out of water buffalo? 1.2899 0.03832 207 157 40 10
1138 Spoiler Alert: The asp kills Cleopatra. 1.2899 0.03707 207 155 44 8
1139 The 'Do-Not-Read-It-Will-Summon-The-Snake-Demon' cover warning stops most guys. 1.2896 0.04088 183 139 35 9
1140 Literature? I'm a fan of hissstory myself. 1.2896 0.03488 259 198 47 14
1141 My tongue makes a great bookmark if you need to go on a mouse run. 1.2895 0.03916 190 143 39 8
1142 Well I wish you hunted Elk too,John. 1.2895 0.04056 190 145 35 10
1143 Would you care for an apple, some apple sauce, or even a glass of apple juice? 1.2893 0.03959 197 150 37 10
1144 HELP ME! I HAVE PLAQUE PSORIASIS! 1.2892 0.04362 166 127 30 9
1145 I am tired playing dead every time you have guests. You need to tell them the truth about your hunting days. 1.2892 0.04278 166 126 32 8
1146 You knew I was cold-blooded when you brought me here. The least you could do is start a fire. 1.2891 0.03598 211 157 47 7
1147 Got an apple I can eat? 1.2891 0.04069 211 165 31 15
1148 Interpretation Of Dreams” by JungenFreud? 1.2890 0.04162 173 131 34 8
1149 I personally liked the part about the snake.” -Alison K. Burns, Salisbury, Massachusett 1.2890 0.04162 173 131 34 8
1150 So you finally digested the taxidermist . 1.2889 0.03899 180 134 40 6
1151 Can't you read a little faster? I want to know how her apple pie comes out. 1.2889 0.03838 225 174 37 14
1152 Boy, am I gonna be stuffed! 1.2888 0.04098 187 143 34 10
1153 I'd eat you but I'm stuffed. 1.2887 0.04129 194 150 32 12
1154 Alright,alright. You can try the Merlot. 1.2886 0.03904 201 153 38 10
1155 The Chapter on temptation is my favorite one! 1.2885 0.03629 208 155 46 7
1156 Pull my tongue. 1.2884 0.03904 215 166 36 13
1157 That deer was delicious. 1.2882 0.04208 170 129 33 8
1158 Pshaw, it's no longer 'forbidden', just not encouraged. 1.2882 0.03863 170 125 41 4
1159 Reading Freud, huh? I'm more of a Jungian, myself. 1.2880 0.04068 184 140 35 9
1160 Snake eyes & a wall full of lies. 1.2880 0.03765 184 136 43 5
1161 Is that the book that talks about the Garden of Eden? 1.2880 0.04141 184 141 33 10
1162 I can't bark to go out. 1.2880 0.04212 184 142 31 11
1163 Ironically, Doctor, it is your groundbreaking work on neural regeneration that has made this terrifying experience possible. 1.2880 0.03899 191 144 39 8
1164 Kind of makes you long for a pair of antlers. 1.2880 0.04105 191 147 33 11
1165 Yes liquor is quicker but 1 apple per day keeps doctors away provided you tell your doctor or pharmacist if you suffer from diabetic retinopathy, pancreatitis, or if you experience blurred vision or antipathy to serpents. 1.2879 0.04006 198 152 35 11
1166 Sad story. I have a lump in my throat.” 1.2879 0.04873 132 101 24 7
1167 Please sit still, this is harder than it looks. 1.2879 0.03672 198 147 45 6
1168 And the snake lived happily ever after over the the fireplace. 1.2877 0.04657 146 112 26 8
1169 The sequel is better. 1.2876 0.04512 153 117 28 8
1170 Hi there! Hibernation's over! 1.2876 0.04606 153 118 26 9
1171 I figured coming from the sink would be too frightening. 1.2874 0.04256 167 127 32 8
1172 This is my favorite part. 1.2873 0.03801 181 134 42 5
1173 Scary book, eh?… 1.2872 0.04216 188 146 30 12
1174 Don't worry, I only eat venison. 1.2872 0.03937 188 142 38 8
1175 I’m sorry, Peter. I just can’t keep up this charade any longer. 1.2872 0.03937 188 142 38 8
1176 No Sssssssssspoilers! 1.2872 0.03913 195 148 38 9
1177 Staring contest. One,two,three 1.2871 0.04073 202 157 32 13
1178 Oh, be realistic -- I have no shoulder for you to read over! 1.2871 0.03758 202 152 42 8
1179 We’re missing “The Bachelorette,” Adam. 1.2871 0.04035 209 163 32 14
1180 I just ate your African antelope. What flavor are you? 1.2870 0.03641 223 169 44 10
1181 You are in for a surprise ending. 1.2867 0.04762 150 117 23 10
1182 Remember how happy we were in Borneo? I hate this wall and that stupid fake fireplace. 1.2866 0.04339 157 119 31 7
1183 Who is stuffed now? 1.2866 0.04304 164 125 31 8
1184 You need to cut back on the brandy. 1.2865 0.04348 171 132 29 10
1185 Please go to your own room to read. Turn off the lights on your way out. Some of us are trying to sleep. 1.2865 0.04078 178 135 35 8
1186 Sssssssssssssssssssssuprise! 1.2865 0.04121 185 142 33 10
1187 I know why I'm in on a Saturday night, what's your excuse? 1.2864 0.03988 199 153 35 11
1188 I have psychoactive venom. YOU are actually mounted in MY den. 1.2864 0.03867 213 164 37 12
1189 Maybe the taxidermist will give you a refund. 1.2863 0.03651 227 173 43 11
1190 Thhhkip to the part where the thhhnake thhhwallowthhh the human. 1.2857 0.03933 203 156 36 11
1191 Watch the movie version and then your eyes shall be opened, and ye shall be as god, knowing good and evil. 1.2857 0.04354 175 136 28 11
1192 Just so you know… I got rid of all the rats. And the exterminator. 1.2857 0.04091 154 114 36 4
1193 No thanks. I'm stuffed. 1.2857 0.04317 168 129 30 9
1194 Looks like a good book to wrap our heads around. 1.2857 0.04165 182 140 32 10
1195 You might want to read again how much exactly isss a microdossss... 1.2857 0.04218 196 154 28 14
1196 Would you like a hug? Or I can turn the page for you? 1.2857 0.04016 182 138 36 8
1197 Pssst. Would you like to know what really happened during the Book of Genesis 1.2857 0.04487 154 118 28 8
1198 Can I tempt you with a second glass of our cabernet? 1.2857 0.03870 203 155 38 10
1199 you do realize the new "jeopardy!" is on, right? 1.2857 0.04265 161 122 32 7
1200 Somebody spiked the punch 1.2857 0.03761 217 166 40 11
1201 Let's see Hercule figure this one out 1.2857 0.03759 196 147 42 7
1202 Can I interest you in cryptocurrency? 1.2857 0.04428 175 137 26 12
1203 Trust me, I'm a consultant. 1.2857 0.04200 175 134 32 9
1204 Is there something other than a good book you'd like to curl up with? 1.2857 0.04165 182 140 32 10
1205 Ssssssurprisssse! 1.2850 0.03851 214 165 37 12
1206 Care for an apple? 1.2850 0.04001 193 148 35 10
1207 I think it will take me several days to truly digest this narrative 1.2849 0.03958 186 141 37 8
1208 Taxidermy tastes like chicken. 1.2849 0.03958 186 141 37 8
1209 The gardener says the apples are ripe 1.2849 0.04135 179 137 33 9
1210 I thought we had agreed we'll read The Jungle Book tonight! 1.2848 0.04124 158 118 35 5
1211 The chapter on Anaconda Hisss tory will tell you that we lay dormant for along time and waken very hungry! 1.2848 0.04445 151 115 29 7
1212 What!? I like Sssssssteinbeck." 1.2845 0.03696 232 179 40 13
1213 You’re not going to believe that nonsense about me tempting Eve, are you? 1.2844 0.03572 218 164 46 8
1214 So much for using a cut-rate taxidermist. 1.2844 0.03647 211 159 44 8
1215 Not such a great hunter now, are you? 1.2843 0.03727 204 154 42 8
1216 Sssspoiler alert—Slytherin LIVES. 1.2843 0.03791 204 155 40 9
1217 Hi, my name is Monty. Monty Python. 1.2842 0.03922 183 138 38 7
1218 I would have preferred a singing fish. 1.2841 0.03684 176 129 44 3
1219 Excuse me, sir. Is the lady in the garden? 1.2840 0.04376 169 131 28 10
1220 Daniele Sssssteel! 1.2839 0.04554 155 120 26 9
1221 Whaddya readin'? 1.2836 0.04198 201 159 27 15
1222 Can you please turn the page? 1.2836 0.04570 134 101 28 5
1223 Can your turn the page already? 1.2835 0.03847 194 147 39 8
1224 Read me that story about when I made that gullible lady eat the apple. 1.2835 0.04050 194 150 33 11
1225 The Gryffindor decision still haunts him. 1.2834 0.03939 187 142 37 8
1226 Is this the part where Mowgli gets away? I hate that part. 1.2833 0.04039 180 137 35 8
1227 Of Mice and Men", I see.. 1.2833 0.04189 180 139 31 10
1228 Relax, you can trust me 1.2832 0.03807 173 128 41 4
1229 You knew I was a snake when you brought me here. 1.2832 0.04304 173 134 29 10
1230 I love when you devour a book in a single read. 1.2832 0.03807 173 128 41 4
1231 I'm a star in the Bible. 1.2832 0.04145 173 132 33 8
1232 I put pressure on the taxidermist. 1.2832 0.03807 173 128 41 4
1233 Do I have a trophy wife for you! 1.2832 0.04304 173 134 29 10
1234 One sip; what harm can it do? 1.2831 0.04173 166 126 33 7
1235 White, male privilege, my asp. 1.2831 0.04344 166 128 29 9
1236 I'm an axolotl, that's why! 1.2830 0.04816 159 127 19 13
1237 A thesaurus?! Wow, you’re pretentious, showy, ostentatious, bombastic, overblown, and pompoussssssssssss! 1.2829 0.03711 205 155 42 8
1238 I am very sensitive to temperature. Don’t touch the thermostat. 1.2829 0.03838 205 157 38 10
1239 You know what would go good with that wine? An apple. 1.2828 0.04118 198 155 30 13
1240 Yeah, no apples these days, but I can offer you a Kindle. 1.2827 0.04023 191 147 34 10
1241 Light the fireplace Buster. It's freezing in here." 1.2827 0.03812 191 144 40 7
1242 You are a true charmer.... 1.2826 0.04125 184 142 32 10
1243 Mind if I curl up with you? 1.2824 0.03527 216 162 47 7
1244 BOO! Hisssss! 1.2824 0.04106 170 129 34 7
1245 Aren't you glad.......you ate the apple? 1.2824 0.04353 170 132 28 10
1246 You should have killed me when you had the chance. 1.2824 0.04273 170 131 30 9
1247 It smells like the Great White Hunter just soiled his pants. 1.2823 0.03907 209 162 35 12
1248 Just say it out loud "Voldemort." 1.2822 0.03809 202 154 39 9
1249 Just so you know, the main character dies at the end. 1.2822 0.03873 202 155 37 10
1250 Nevermore 1.2821 0.04529 156 121 26 9
1251 I’d love to eat you right now, but I’m stuffed. 1.2821 0.04147 156 117 34 5
1252 The deer went down easy. You're next. 1.2821 0.04436 156 120 28 8
1253 It's boring up there. Do you mind if I read over your shoulder? 1.2819 0.03921 188 143 37 8
1254 Maybe I AM off the wall? 1.2819 0.04575 149 115 26 8
1255 Books on wizards, witches and magic spells should never be read out loud. 1.2819 0.04475 149 114 28 7
1256 Is that the Bible? Does it say anything about me? 1.2818 0.04169 181 140 31 10
1257 We need to talk about your choices. 1.2816 0.03875 174 130 39 5
1258 I knew Jeffrey Toobin was back. 1.2816 0.04435 174 137 25 12
1259 I wish I knew how to read. 1.2816 0.04282 174 135 29 10
1260 Who brags about beheading a Hydra? 1.2816 0.04282 174 135 29 10
1261 Who needs the singing fish when you can have the rumor-mongering serpent, am I right? 1.2814 0.04322 167 129 29 9
1262 The book of Genesis, like most origin stories, needs perhaps to be cautiously parsed. 1.2814 0.03910 199 153 36 10
1263 Hiss off 1.2814 0.04038 199 155 32 12
1264 It's probably a real page-turner if you'd ever turn the damn page. 1.2812 0.04449 160 124 27 9
1265 You’re looking very cozy Nathaniel, now how about a nice constrictive blanket-like hug? 1.2812 0.04268 192 152 26 14
1266 No, no more apples. But I've got some nice bitcoins. 1.2812 0.04175 160 121 33 6
1267 Not a creature was sssssss... stirring? Not even a mouse? 1.2811 0.03633 217 165 43 9
1268 I bet the “butler” did it” 1.2811 0.04383 185 147 24 14
1269 Take me down before I have a hissy fit. 1.2810 0.03771 210 161 39 10
1270 Turn away from that book. Eat the apple and you'll know everything that you need to know. 1.2810 0.03890 210 163 35 12
1271 . . . and stop calling me Lucifer, my name is Bob. 1.2809 0.04362 178 140 26 12
1272 You misjudged me at the lake, don't you think? 1.2807 0.04086 171 130 34 7
1273 Let me know when you get to the bit with the asp. 1.2806 0.03744 196 148 41 7
1274 I'm not just a snake in the grass. 1.2806 0.04793 139 108 23 8
1275 She ate the apple already. What are you still reading books for? 1.2805 0.03496 246 189 45 12
1276 How about a good night hiss? 1.2805 0.04457 164 128 26 10
1277 Ah…you sitting there, so comfortably cursed, yet convinced by this narrative of your impending redemption. 1.2803 0.04318 157 120 30 7
1278 Gerald wished he'd never signed up for mamba lessons. 1.2802 0.04000 182 139 35 8
1279 Could you leave some pizza out tonight? I haven't had a rat in weeks. 1.2802 0.04000 182 139 35 8
1280 That story always gives me a lump in my throat. 1.2802 0.03927 207 161 34 12
1281 Reading Genesis aloud! 1.2802 0.03616 207 156 44 7
1282 If I'm stuck on the wall, can you at least sign us up for Netflix? 1.2800 0.03762 200 152 40 8
1283 Are you sure that's only a microdose? 1.2800 0.03828 200 153 38 9
1284 Better yet, no antlers. 1.2800 0.04899 125 96 23 6
1285 Oooh! Tough guy gets to sit in an armchair. 1.2800 0.04104 175 134 33 8
1286 So NFT stands for non-fangible... 1.2800 0.04337 175 137 27 11
1287 Does it say anything in there about treatments for neck pain? 1.2800 0.04646 150 117 24 9
1288 Read me the part when Kaa eats Mowgli 1.2800 0.03893 200 154 36 10
1289 Any regrets? 1.2800 0.04835 150 119 20 11
1290 You have always been a Slytherin. Stop telling your nieces and nephews you were Gryffindor. 1.2800 0.05016 150 121 16 13
1291 Come join your less lucky safari friends. 1.2798 0.03733 218 168 39 11
1292 Why did she eat from the apple when I suggested the fig? 1.2798 0.04381 168 131 27 10
1293 Not your average hole in the wall place. 1.2797 0.04698 143 111 24 8
1294 My book club read that too! 1.2796 0.03942 186 142 36 8
1295 Have a sip of this apple brandy. 1.2796 0.03867 186 141 38 7
1296 As usual, you’re not paying enough attention to me. 1.2795 0.04424 161 125 27 9
1297 You're not from around here, are you? 1.2793 0.03883 179 135 38 6
1298 Spoiler alert...they eat the fruit. 1.2793 0.04118 179 138 32 9
1299 C'mon, you know you want to skip to the end. 1.2793 0.04118 179 138 32 9
1300 I don’t want to spoil it. Just skip to the last page when a giant snake appears. 1.2793 0.03963 179 136 36 7
1301 And thereby hangs a tail.” 1.2792 0.04272 154 117 31 6
1302 Sssstop using the fireplace. 1.2792 0.03930 197 152 35 10
1303 You're out of Grey Poupon -- and rats. 1.2792 0.03996 197 153 33 11
1304 You were warned to just mount the head. 1.2791 0.03981 172 130 36 6
1305 You were expecting the Raven? 1.2791 0.03708 215 165 40 10
1306 I'm no longer feeling stuffed. 1.2791 0.04309 172 134 28 10
1307 Any chance of speaking with the lady of the house? 1.2791 0.04309 172 134 28 10
1308 I bet you're tastier than that deer head I just ate my way through. 1.2791 0.04535 129 97 28 4
1309 Oh dear, it's up by my ear. Oh dread, it's... 1.2791 0.04539 172 137 22 13
1310 And you always thought I was 'your' trophy. 1.2789 0.04294 147 111 31 5
1311 Still searching for the Garden of Eden, eh, Professor? 1.2788 0.03728 208 159 40 9
1312 Hello again Neville! I'm sorry to tell you that Ms. Rowling wants a sequel. 1.2788 0.03728 208 159 40 9
1313 I will need a dependable food supply Alfred. I just ate the cat. 1.2788 0.03665 208 158 42 8
1314 Wow. That story is really off the wall. Ssssso creepy!” 1.2788 0.04175 165 126 32 7
1315 Adam,I'm back. Is Eve here? 1.2788 0.04433 165 129 26 10
1316 Wouldn't you agree Nigel, when you shoot at a python you should make sure it's dead before you bring it into your home? 1.2787 0.03748 183 137 41 5
1317 Nothing like curling up with a good book. 1.2787 0.03981 183 140 35 8
1318 And they call me cold-blooded. 1.2787 0.04056 183 141 33 9
1319 We both knew this day would come. 1.2785 0.03718 219 169 39 11
1320 For years, Norman had avoided questionable internet solicitations only to be scammed by his local taxidermist. 1.2784 0.04240 176 137 29 10
1321 OK, so I'm a bookworm -- you got a problem with that 1.2784 0.04083 176 135 33 8
1322 Please let me know when you're not wrapped up in that book. 1.2784 0.04240 176 137 29 10
1323 Turn the page please 1.2784 0.03901 194 149 36 9
1324 Thissss is why snakes aren't usually mounted as trophiesss. 1.2784 0.04035 194 151 32 11
1325 Didn't anyone tell you not to drink when you're reading a horror story? 1.2781 0.04619 151 118 24 9
1326 I wonder what does a brain with knowledge and experience taste like 1.2781 0.04438 169 133 25 11
1327 You know you're holding it upside-down, right? 1.2781 0.04137 187 146 30 11
1328 You'd look good in the den 1.2780 0.03886 205 159 35 11
1329 Magical Realism certainly brings the text to life, don’t you think? 1.2780 0.03561 223 170 44 9
1330 Read the sandworms part again. 1.2778 0.03780 198 151 39 8
1331 Spoiler alert! 1.2778 0.04571 162 128 23 11
1332 At least I'm not reading over your shoulder! 1.2778 0.03634 216 165 42 9
1333 Is that a book about a cold-blooded murder? 1.2778 0.04994 126 98 21 7
1334 When I finish passing the rat, you're next, S-S-S-S-Sid. 1.2778 0.04312 162 125 29 8
1335 I hope you're not bothered if I read over your shoulder. 1.2778 0.04346 144 109 30 5
1336 The rat was a nice touch; but the mice were under-seasoned. 1.2775 0.03894 209 163 34 12
1337 Wait until you get to the part about yeast of Eden. 1.2775 0.04076 191 149 31 11
1338 Serioussssly Ssstan, ssslow down. It'ss Sssalinger 1.2775 0.04287 173 135 28 10
1339 Whatcha reading? 1.2774 0.04626 155 122 23 10
1340 Can I show your guests my 'free hugs' t-shirt? 1.2774 0.04148 155 117 33 5
1341 Don’t sssspoil the end. 1.2773 0.03814 220 172 35 13
1342 Got any mice? 1.2772 0.03923 202 157 34 11
1343 I guess you don’t like it when I come out of the woodwork.” 1.2771 0.04409 166 130 26 10
1344 It was a dark and ssstormy night. 1.2771 0.04326 166 129 28 9
1345 Did you know that your car warranty can be extended. — hisss… 1.2769 0.04147 195 154 28 13
1346 The mongoose did it. 1.2768 0.04218 177 138 29 10
1347 You shouldn't read horror novels alone at night. 1.2767 0.03375 253 194 48 11
1348 Taxidermy is not a peer reviewed science. 1.2766 0.04048 188 146 32 10
1349 Read the part about the serpent again. 1.2763 0.04496 152 118 26 8
1350 Today on Masterpiece Mystery … 1.2763 0.04398 152 117 28 7
1351 Am I the villain in this story too? 1.2763 0.04398 152 117 28 7
1352 what's ssssssssssss-up 1.2763 0.04398 152 117 28 7
1353 You promised that you would read me the one about my time in Eden. 1.2762 0.03846 181 137 38 6
1354 What’s YOUR origin story? 1.2762 0.03635 210 160 42 8
1355 I slither, you quiver. 1.2762 0.03571 210 159 44 7
1356 I think you need to read How to Taxidermy. 1.2760 0.03744 221 172 37 12
1357 Edgar Allan Poe? Are you sure you can handle it? 1.2759 0.04106 174 134 32 8
1358 Pleasssse don't turn the pagesss sssso fasssst. 1.2757 0.03512 243 188 43 12
1359 Nothing like wrapping myself around a good book and you! 1.2757 0.04017 185 143 33 9
1360 Read me the one about Adam and Eve 1.2756 0.04224 156 119 31 6
1361 Oh, you assumed I was dead? 1.2756 0.04321 156 120 29 7
1362 Good news - your rats are gone. 1.2754 0.04386 167 131 26 10
1363 I’m afraid you’re about to learn the hard way why no one ever has a snake mounted. 1.2754 0.03729 207 159 39 9
1364 It ssssseemsssss you haven't updated your car'ssss warranty 1.2754 0.03913 207 162 33 12
1365 Stuffed? Not yet... 1.2754 0.04146 207 166 25 16
1366 If you keep hissing at me, the buck head will be back up tomorrow and you'll be returning to the swamp. 1.2754 0.03853 207 161 35 11
1367 And you thought that was just wine? 1.2753 0.04272 178 140 27 11
1368 Relax, all that stuff about the Garden and the forbidden fruit is pure fiction. It was designed to blame us for humans' bad choices. 1.2751 0.04030 189 147 32 10
1369 Out loud, please... 1.2751 0.03814 189 144 38 7
1370 Sorry. I ate the deer head. 1.2750 0.04248 160 123 30 7
1371 Exactly what did you put in that drink? 1.2750 0.04248 160 123 30 7
1372 No, I am not reading over your shoulder... 1.2750 0.03879 200 155 35 10
1373 Like long stories? 1.2749 0.04233 171 133 29 9
1374 I don't understand, Stan, what did you think a trophy wife would look like? 1.2749 0.04313 171 134 27 10
1375 Just passing through. 1.2749 0.04151 171 132 31 8
1376 Those logs aren't going to light themselves. 1.2746 0.03690 193 146 41 6
1377 It's time for you to mount another trophy, I'm getting hungry. 1.2745 0.04565 153 120 24 9
1378 Scared? Wait till you meet my better half... 1.2745 0.04565 153 120 24 9
1379 Remember the doctor ssssaid about drinking on your medication... 1.2745 0.03889 204 159 34 11
1380 Light the fire, you effing endotherm! 1.2743 0.04396 175 139 24 12
1381 There's more to knowledge than is dreamed of in your philosophy... 1.2742 0.03925 186 143 35 8
1382 So, are you gonna finish drinking that? 1.2742 0.04071 186 145 31 10
1383 Can you light the fireplace, please i'm freezing 1.2742 0.03696 186 140 41 5
1384 Pssst...I think you need to find a new taxidermist. 1.2742 0.03850 186 142 37 7
1385 I knew we should’ve gone for the moose instead. 1.2742 0.03925 186 143 35 8
1386 Red wine, no coaster? That's going to leave a ring. 1.2741 0.03781 197 151 38 8
1387 Is that a hisssstorical novel 1.2740 0.04509 146 113 26 7
1388 I got a bad press- especially in the first chapter. 1.2739 0.04103 157 119 33 5
1389 Made ‘ya look. 1.2739 0.04201 157 120 31 6
1390 Oh! the Bible. That´s nice, you are reading my biography. What do you think, is it Pulitzer material? 1.2737 0.03723 190 144 40 6
1391 I've got a crush on you sweetie pie ! 1.2737 0.03941 190 147 34 9
1392 Excuse me. Have you seen the plumber? 1.2737 0.03870 190 146 36 8
1393 Sometimes bookworms find a good hole in the wall 1.2733 0.04316 161 125 28 8
1394 Those ashes on the mantle don’t come free, Henry. 1.2732 0.03565 183 136 44 3
1395 Would you mind lighting a fire? I'm a little chilly. 1.2732 0.03816 194 149 37 8
1396 You knew I was a snake when you brought me in. 1.2727 0.04222 176 138 28 10
1397 I thought this was a short story. 1.2727 0.03974 165 125 35 5
1398 Don't tread on me. 1.2727 0.04373 176 140 24 12
1399 I asked you not to read Paradise Lost in front of me! 1.2727 0.03635 209 160 41 8
1400 Can you light the fire - I'm freezing? 1.2727 0.03764 198 152 38 8
1401 At least with the old painting,it was just its eyes following me around the room. 1.2727 0.03635 209 160 41 8
1402 That was delicious! Do you have any more gazelle heads? 1.2727 0.04326 187 150 23 14
1403 That's really a good book. 1.2727 0.04674 143 112 23 8
1404 For the last time, it's not me. It's your radiator. 1.2723 0.03923 191 148 34 9
1405 Okay you may turn the page now, I'm ready. 1.2723 0.03923 191 148 34 9
1406 I usually enter by the chimney, but not during the Christmas season. 1.2722 0.04081 180 140 31 9
1407 Can you read the one about the little mouse again?” 1.2722 0.03926 180 138 35 7
1408 The moose head was yummy” 1.2722 0.04089 169 130 32 7
1409 Sorry, buddy, but you’re not waking up from this one. 1.2722 0.04367 158 123 27 8
1410 What's the date, dude? Hibernation is a bummer. 1.2721 0.04880 147 118 18 11
1411 Take a sip... It's the Snifter of Knowledge. 1.2717 0.04093 184 144 30 10
1412 Well, be more specific next time you ask for built-in speakers! 1.2717 0.04236 184 146 26 12
1413 I told you I’ll only read to you if you stay on the wall. 1.2717 0.04165 184 145 28 11
1414 I’ve always wondered what that brandy tastes like. Do you mind? 1.2717 0.04269 173 136 27 10
1415 You mounted me 1.2716 0.04110 162 124 32 6
1416 So? I've never objected to anyone looking over MY shoulder 1.2716 0.04110 162 124 32 6
1417 Relax. This is just about your car warranty. 1.2715 0.04299 151 116 29 6
1418 I could tell you the end 1.2714 0.04628 140 109 24 7
1419 Who’s a big boy now? 1.2714 0.03881 199 155 34 10
1420 Got any food you can spare for my eleven kids? 1.2713 0.04637 129 99 25 5
1421 Honey remember that hissing sound you said you heard coming from that wall trophy we just bought? 1.2713 0.03740 188 143 39 6
1422 “You try acting dead when the chimney sweep is dancing in and out of here singing Broadway musicals.” 1.2713 0.04102 188 148 29 11
1423 ``Ask yourself: who's the real snake?'' 1.2713 0.03740 188 143 39 6
1424 Sometimes revenge can take a serpentine route. 1.2712 0.04124 177 138 30 9
1425 Just like elephants, pythons never forget. 1.2712 0.04201 177 139 28 10
1426 Anything in that book about regeneration? 1.2712 0.03715 177 133 40 4
1427 Welcome to the Loch Ness suite! I’ll be here all week! You’re welcome! 1.2712 0.03884 177 135 36 6
1428 That's SIR pent to you, thanks! 1.2711 0.04044 166 127 33 6
1429 You're about to find out what the SCALES of justice really means 1.2710 0.04695 155 124 20 11
1430 Admit it. You really need a friend. 1.2710 0.04225 155 119 30 6
1431 Spoiler alert: the seemingly dead python ends up swallowing him. 1.2709 0.03632 203 155 41 7
1432 Can I borrow that book when you're done reading it? 1.2709 0.03564 203 154 43 6
1433 I'm going to need a new taxidermist. 1.2709 0.03828 203 158 35 10
1434 It was all Adam's fault. 1.2708 0.03969 144 107 35 2
1435 Lord Voldemort wants his cartoon back. 1.2708 0.04949 144 116 17 11
1436 Well,that tasted a little dry. 1.2708 0.04540 144 112 25 7
1437 Don't be afraid. I'm after larger prey. 1.2708 0.03689 192 146 40 6
1438 Hi, I’m from the Mounted Python Show. Ha ha. Not funny? Too bad. Now I’ll have to eat you. 1.2708 0.04042 192 151 30 11
1439 SSSo, your name isss... Harold Potter? 1.2708 0.03905 192 149 34 9
1440 Chapter 4. For up to six months upon your return from the Amazon you may experience the occasional Ayahuasca flashback. 1.2708 0.03689 192 146 40 6
1441 The guys want to know if you're going to bed soon. 1.2707 0.03907 181 139 35 7
1442 No. You know how you get when you start on the Pinot Noir. 1.2707 0.05021 133 106 18 9
1443 The elk head was not as tasty as expected. Any other options? 1.2706 0.03708 218 170 37 11
1444 You know it’s just a rumour. No one talked Adam into eating that apple. 1.2705 0.03521 207 157 44 6
1445 Your deer is in the Everglades. It's one of those home-swap dealios. 1.2704 0.04433 159 125 25 9
1446 Adam, there is a tree I’d like to show. 1.2703 0.03927 185 143 34 8
1447 I'm here for the wine, not conversation. 1.2703 0.04001 185 144 32 9
1448 It’s your turn to decorate my wall. 1.2701 0.04168 174 136 29 9
1449 Jon Voight was much more interesting to work with. 1.2701 0.04325 174 138 25 11
1450 Who do you have to know to get a drink around here? 1.2701 0.04335 137 104 29 4
1451 Dont even think about starting a fire. 1.2698 0.03723 189 144 39 6
1452 By the 7th sequel the “Anaconda” film franchise had entirely lost its way. 1.2698 0.03943 189 147 33 9
1453 You'd better light that fire, William, before my ass gets cold. 1.2698 0.04151 189 150 27 12
1454 I was hibernating. 1.2697 0.04570 152 120 23 9
1455 You needed to have hired a more professional taxidermist 1.2697 0.04570 152 120 23 9
1456 Can I boa your book? 1.2697 0.04375 152 118 27 7
1457 I think you may be looking for Eve 1.2696 0.03549 204 155 43 6
1458 Can you turn the page, pleasssssse? 1.2695 0.04529 167 134 21 12
1459 Sssssssurprise! 1.2692 0.04299 156 121 28 7
1460 Want me to tell you how it ends? 1.2692 0.04189 182 144 27 11
1461 Have you gotten to the part about covering your nakedness? 1.2692 0.04579 156 124 22 10
1462 Is that a hisssssssstory book? 1.2692 0.04394 156 122 26 8
1463 I bet you didn't see that coming. 1.2692 0.04116 182 143 29 10
1464 The deer was a little dry 1.2690 0.03625 197 150 41 6
1465 I'm not sure this still qualifies as microdosing. 1.2690 0.04031 197 156 29 12
1466 Skip everything except the parts with the sand worms. 1.2690 0.03966 197 155 31 11
1467 Don't go in the other room. This is just the tip of the iceberg. 1.2690 0.04031 197 156 29 12
1468 Knock it off. I just got home from work. 1.2690 0.04132 171 133 30 8
1469 Are you still reading? 1.2690 0.04182 145 110 31 4
1470 I m not a fan of Hisstory. I can’t seem to get my head around it. 1.2690 0.04617 145 114 23 8
1471 'You're gonna need another Moosehead.' 1.2688 0.03982 186 145 32 9
1472 And you thought I was just a mounted Trophy? 1.2687 0.03974 201 159 30 12
1473 You better light that fire right now. I am cold blooded and may fangs are chattering. 1.2685 0.04429 149 116 26 7
1474 If we’re gonna be roomies, we need to set some boundaries. 1.2685 0.04629 149 118 22 9
1475 That ten-point buck you mounted was my friend. 1.2684 0.04064 190 150 29 11
1476 I'm raising your rent by 70%. 1.2684 0.03925 190 148 33 9
1477 This is why the wildlife mounting guys laughed at you. 1.2684 0.03925 190 148 33 9
1478 Maybe now you’ll remember where you left that giant spring loaded can. 1.2683 0.04419 164 130 24 10
1479 The stuffing was a little dry. 1.2683 0.03396 205 154 47 4
1480 I used to live in a can of Peanut Brittle. 1.2682 0.04006 179 139 32 8
1481 It's all fake news, Eve ate that apple long before I showed up. 1.2682 0.04308 179 143 24 12
1482 Spoiler alert: he dies. 1.2682 0.04308 179 143 24 12
1483 Reading Shakespeare? "To be or not to be, that is the question." 1.2682 0.04160 179 141 28 10
1484 She already ate the apple. 1.2682 0.04006 179 139 32 8
1485 Your taxidermist obviously learned the trade entirely online. 1.2681 0.04546 138 107 25 6
1486 Go on, dog-ear the page. It will be our little sssssecret. 1.2680 0.03800 194 150 36 8
1487 Why are you reading Fiction when you can tune into NOW? 1.2680 0.03729 194 149 38 7
1488 Ah, my favorite … Sssssssssnakespeare! 1.2680 0.04637 153 122 21 10
1489 Did you know that forked tongues are prone to utter spoonerisms? 1.2680 0.04448 153 120 25 8
1490 You should see where my other half goes. 1.2679 0.04091 168 130 31 7
1491 Sorry but the deer mount was just my appetizer… 1.2679 0.04091 168 130 31 7
1492 It's Sunday. Your turn on the wall. 1.2677 0.03949 198 156 31 11
1493 Pssst! Just so you’ll know, our great foresnake Charley warned Eve never to go anywhere near that tree. 1.2677 0.03816 198 154 35 9
1494 Scared I might spoil the ending? 1.2677 0.03816 198 154 35 9
1495 Don't believe the story about the apple, she was on her own. 1.2676 0.04679 142 112 22 8
1496 Not fake news...its hisss-tory 1.2676 0.04460 142 110 26 6
1497 Are you what they call a bookworm? 1.2675 0.03480 228 176 43 9
1498 Adam, Eve’s unclothed in the garden… 1.2674 0.04035 187 147 30 10
1499 Could I interest you in an apple? 1.2672 0.04575 131 101 25 5
1500 A relative I never knew tricked one girl thousands of years ago, now this? 1.2671 0.04295 161 126 27 8
1501 My mother was a newt! We grow our tails back. 1.2670 0.04205 176 139 27 10
1502 Do you have any more chocolate moose? 1.2670 0.04281 176 140 25 11
1503 May I have a SSSSSSSSSSSSip of your cognac? 1.2670 0.03689 191 146 39 6
1504 The fireplace may be fake, but I'm not! 1.2667 0.03761 165 124 38 3
1505 Have you read his other books? 1.2667 0.03986 180 140 32 8
1506 Maybe going with that cut-rate taxidermist wasn't such a good idea. 1.2667 0.04607 135 105 24 6
1507 Yes,I was once just a wall ornament but now I'm a rep for a tile company 1.2667 0.04640 165 134 18 13
1508 I can tell you from experience that the ending isn't that exciting. 1.2667 0.03783 195 151 36 8
1509 I knew hiding in the grass was too obvious 1.2667 0.04223 165 129 28 8
1510 Aha!! We meet again, great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great grandson of Adam!! 1.2667 0.04841 135 107 20 8
1511 Would I kid you? Check out Genesis 3. 1.2663 0.03594 199 152 41 6
1512 Charmed, I'm sure. 1.2663 0.03928 184 143 33 8
1513 That book is a total wormhole. 1.2663 0.03694 184 140 39 5
1514 I really thought you would be paying more attention to me once I settled in. 1.2663 0.03774 184 141 37 6
1515 Go ahead. Fold the corner of the page instead of using a bookmark. It's okay. Nobody will notice. 1.2663 0.04220 184 147 25 12
1516 Don’t worry. I’ll never tell them you didn’t have the heart to kill me. 1.2662 0.04125 154 118 31 5
1517 Wait till you get to the third chapter. 1.2662 0.04423 154 121 25 8
1518 you been in my viagra again? 1.2662 0.04791 154 125 17 12
1519 Spoiler alert...he doesn't get Slytherian... 1.2662 0.04518 139 108 25 6
1520 May I interest you in the story of creation? 1.2660 0.03945 188 147 32 9
1521 Have you seen my buttocks? 1.2660 0.04155 188 150 26 12
1522 At this time anything is better then having an 'elephant' in the room 1.2659 0.03922 173 133 34 6
1523 This is a public service hallucination: Your gas fire is leaking. 1.2659 0.03922 173 133 34 6
1524 The gal next door wants to know if you would like an apple. 1.2658 0.04437 158 125 24 9
1525 Eww...did you just take a sip of my wine?! 1.2658 0.04437 158 125 24 9
1526 New Yorker Caption Contest judge at your service. 1.2658 0.04527 158 126 22 10
1527 Read me another story - one where the snake wins! 1.2658 0.04437 158 125 24 9
1528 Yessss, you probably ssshould have jussst bought the sssinging basssss. 1.2656 0.03889 192 150 33 9
1529 Read "Three Blind Mice" again. Pretty please! 1.2656 0.03958 192 151 31 10
1530 Hey, Man, no hard feelings. Let's hug it out. 1.2656 0.03958 192 151 31 10
1531 No, I agree, there’s nothing in here that could possibly help us write a funny caption to this stupid cartoon. But thanks for helping and once again, sorry again for mounting you in the wall while you were still alive. Again, stupid cartoon. 1.2655 0.04408 177 143 21 13
1532 Can you flip the page? 1.2654 0.04181 162 126 29 7
1533 Is that a hisstory book? 1.2654 0.04088 162 125 31 6
1534 If you must read over my shoulder, please do it quietly. 1.2654 0.03463 211 161 44 6
1535 It’s the absinthe talking. Keep reading, Daddy. 1.2653 0.04561 147 116 23 8
1536 I think I'm a Slytherin. 1.2652 0.04193 181 144 26 11
1537 Surprise! Reality can be stranger than fiction. 1.2652 0.03809 181 139 36 6
1538 That chapter on the revenge of the python really comes to life, doesn’t it? 1.2652 0.03889 181 140 34 7
1539 Oh Gerald, I could be ssssssso much more than just a trophy. 1.2652 0.04044 181 142 30 9
1540 My favorite characters are Adam and Eve 1.2651 0.03932 166 127 34 5
1541 Please slow down when you get to the part where the Kraken eats everybody. 1.2651 0.04201 166 130 28 8
1542 Would you like an apple? 1.2650 0.03783 200 156 35 9
1543 Ah... Genesis, my favorite book of the Bible. 1.2650 0.03783 200 156 35 9
1544 Is now a good time to discuss your car's extended warranty? 1.2649 0.04275 151 117 28 6
1545 Yes, I did eat the moose head... Can I have a sip of your Merlot? 1.2649 0.04199 185 148 25 12
1546 You know I can't go to sleep unless you read me a bedtime story. 1.2649 0.03677 185 141 39 5
1547 How can I read with you staring at me like that. 1.2647 0.04161 204 166 22 16
1548 The collected works of Edgar Allen Poe, how apropos. 1.2647 0.03782 170 129 37 4
1549 Ssssorry, no sssspoilers. 1.2647 0.03962 170 131 33 6
1550 'Escape From New York'? Snake Plissken? Really? 1.2647 0.04134 170 133 29 8
1551 No,it’s not about you. 1.2645 0.04492 155 123 23 9
1552 Read the part again where she gives him the apple. 1.2645 0.04202 155 120 29 6
1553 Taxidermy? Taxiderm-YOU! 1.2645 0.04301 155 121 27 7
1554 Just because I didn’t have the heart to have you stuffed and mounted doesn’t mean you can read over my shoulder 1.2645 0.05218 121 97 16 8
1555 You sssent in multiple identical entriesss to the caption contessst, didn’t you? 1.2644 0.03621 208 161 39 8
1556 ‘Suddenly Sidewinder’ - failed precursor to the much more successful Big Mouth Billy Bass 1.2644 0.03685 208 162 37 9
1557 Have you seen the delicious apple your wife is about to eat? Have her share it with you! 1.2644 0.03902 174 134 34 6
1558 Whatever Eve said about me in there it's not true. 1.2644 0.03902 174 134 34 6
1559 The boar's head was delicious. 1.2644 0.03816 174 133 36 5
1560 You can skip Genesis. 1.2644 0.04069 174 136 30 8
1561 You know, all you really did was open that can labelled "Nuts". 1.2644 0.04069 174 136 30 8
1562 Fact or fiction? 1.2643 0.04373 140 108 27 5
1563 No, we snakes don't stay in permanent hibernation. 1.2642 0.04321 159 125 26 8
1564 Hi, Adam. Long time no see… 1.2642 0.04133 159 123 30 6
1565 Lord Valdemont, I'm not trying to be nosey, but retirement doesn't suit you. 1.2640 0.04007 178 139 31 8
1566 Why don’t you have some appletini? 1.2640 0.04007 178 139 31 8
1567 Spoiler alert: The snake eats the protagonist. 1.2640 0.04007 178 139 31 8
1568 I'm sick of being treated like a typical trophy snake. It's constricting. 1.2639 0.04515 144 113 24 7
1569 Feed me, seymour 1.2638 0.04248 163 128 27 8
1570 Soooooooooooo, you want to be the new "defense against the dark arts" teacher? 1.2638 0.04158 163 127 29 7
1571 Are you ready for me to turn the page? 1.2637 0.04024 182 143 30 9
1572 Not that story again! 1.2637 0.04099 182 144 28 10
1573 May I tempt you with an appletini? 1.2637 0.03870 182 141 34 7
1574 The snake was the good guy. The snake was the good guy. You will awaken and not remember this when I snap my fing...aww, nuts! 1.2635 0.04219 148 114 29 5
1575 Psst ... actually, it's not all about Eve ... here's what your Good Book leaves out! 1.2635 0.04326 148 115 27 6
1576 Reading The Three Faces of Eve? 1.2635 0.04348 167 133 24 10
1577 Don't you think that what J.K.Rowling wrote about us failed to depict both sides fairly? 1.2634 0.04037 186 147 29 10
1578 I know of an apple tree that will help pick up knowledge a lot faster than that book. 1.2634 0.03781 205 161 34 10
1579 Is that you Harry? 1.2632 0.03763 190 147 36 7
1580 PSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSST! 1.2632 0.04879 133 106 19 8
1581 Just remember I'm only a figment of your cognac. 1.2632 0.04548 152 121 22 9
1582 I love this book. Mind if I read along? 1.2632 0.04515 133 103 25 5
1583 Would you mind lighting the fire, please? I'm a little chilly. 1.2632 0.03836 190 148 34 8
1584 No matter how many times you read it. The ending is always the same 1.2629 0.04129 175 138 28 9
1585 I would have preferred your wife 1.2629 0.03797 175 134 36 5
1586 Yes, me, I ate the elk. 1.2629 0.03883 175 135 34 6
1587 Well, thisssss is awkward." 1.2628 0.04372 156 123 25 8
1588 From this side of reality, you look like you could use a hug… 1.2628 0.04778 137 109 20 8
1589 The light's better on this side. 1.2626 0.03933 198 157 30 11
1590 If I couldn’t get Mowgli, You are the next best thing. 1.2625 0.04388 160 127 24 9
1591 Right, sir, your wife wanted me to let you know that the Richardsons are arriving. 1.2624 0.04228 141 108 29 4
1592 So, have you got to the part where Daisy is drunk and driving Gatsby's car and accidentally hits and kills Myrtle? And Myrtle's husband thinks it was Gatsby driving and goes to his house and shoots him dead? I didn't ruin it for you, did I? 1.2624 0.04461 141 110 25 6
1593 Sometimes a snake with a forked tongue really is just a snake with a forked tongue. 1.2624 0.04574 141 111 23 7
1594 Even I think I’m tacky. 1.2622 0.04313 164 130 25 9
1595 15 minutesssss could sssssave you 15% or more on car insssssurance 1.2621 0.04696 145 116 20 9
1596 Can you get me a hoagie? 1.2620 0.04227 187 151 23 13
1597 Our deal was simple: Keep the fire lit, and humanity keeps my Gift. 1.2620 0.04018 187 148 29 10
1598 I am thinking about starting a family. 1.2620 0.04361 187 153 19 15
1599 I'm telling you, you can't learn Python from books. 1.2620 0.03798 187 145 35 7
1600 Hey buddy would you mind lighting up that fire, I’m cold blooded ya know.. 1.2619 0.03982 168 130 32 6
1601 Well, this is awkward. 1.2619 0.04242 168 133 26 9
1602 So how's the great white hunter doing now? 1.2617 0.04704 149 120 19 10
1603 2021 isssssssssssn't over yet. 1.2617 0.04507 149 118 23 8
1604 The decor really makes the room come alive. 1.2617 0.04301 149 116 27 6
1605 The taxidermist disappears in the final chapter. 1.2617 0.04405 149 117 25 7
1606 You know, it's really your ego that's on display here. 1.2616 0.04254 172 137 25 10
1607 I know the story sucks but I want to see how the author wraps it up in the end. 1.2616 0.03921 172 133 33 6
1608 Aren't you forgetting the last time you tried to sneak up on me. 1.2615 0.03623 218 171 37 10
1609 Never heard of cutting the head off? 1.2614 0.04123 153 118 30 5
1610 Remamba me? 1.2614 0.04425 153 121 24 8
1611 Would you forgive me if I brought you the paper and your slippers? 1.2614 0.04123 153 118 30 5
1612 Surprise! I swallowed the taxidermist. 1.2614 0.03779 176 135 36 5
1613 I heard you were going to squeeze in a book before bed. 1.2614 0.03779 176 135 36 5
1614 You are too old to go to Hogwarts but we can still be friends. 1.2611 0.04155 157 122 29 6
1615 Guess who I met on the plane? Samuel L. Jackson!!! 1.2611 0.04155 157 122 29 6
1616 The taxidermist did a great job of disguising the fact that David actually shot a fire hose. 1.2611 0.04440 157 125 23 9
1617 Personally, I prefer a hisssstorical novel. 1.2611 0.04348 157 124 25 8
1618 Relax, I could have killed you a million times over. I only wanted to ask if you could move me up to the attic. I'm tired of your guests probing around my mouth and touching my fangs. 1.2611 0.03889 180 140 33 7
1619 I'm part of the interactive decor package you purchased" 1.2611 0.04121 180 143 27 10
1620 Time to put a stuffed shirt on that wall. 1.2609 0.03833 184 143 34 7
1621 Wouldn't you prefer an appletini? 1.2609 0.03675 184 141 38 5
1622 Read the part again where Sally sells seashells by the sssssssssea. 1.2609 0.04273 161 127 26 8
1623 Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse... 1.2609 0.04273 161 127 26 8
1624 I'm not taking it personally, but did you have to say, 'What's your poison?' 1.2609 0.03893 161 123 34 4
1625 Your wife hired me. 1.2609 0.04519 138 108 24 6
1626 I still think coming out of a can is scarier. 1.2609 0.04363 161 128 24 9
1627 ' It's a tell all book about me except for the ending." 1.2609 0.03893 161 123 34 4
1628 Have anything by T. SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS Eliot? 1.2606 0.03547 188 143 41 4
1629 No worries. Just want to see if the butler ended up doing it. 1.2606 0.03780 188 146 35 7
1630 Hey, pal, who could use a hug? 1.2606 0.04203 165 130 27 8
1631 Slytherin or Griffindor? 1.2606 0.04114 165 129 29 7
1632 If that's Harry Potter you're in Slytherin. 1.2606 0.04760 142 114 19 9
1633 Com'on, one little sip of your wine wouldn't hurt. 1.2606 0.04434 142 111 25 6
1634 Let's Cuddle I'd like to wrap myself around you. 1.2606 0.03958 142 107 33 2
1635 Yessssss, your mother-in-law is still here. Keep pretending to read the book. 1.2606 0.04082 142 108 31 3
1636 Horror? You like horror sories? 1.2604 0.03871 169 130 34 5
1637 I guess you never heard of the "endangered species" act. 1.2604 0.04049 169 132 30 7
1638 ssssssmile! 1.2604 0.04135 169 133 28 8
1639 You always knew your family's history would come back to bite you in the butt. 1.2603 0.04565 146 116 22 8
1640 My dear Clive, the taxidermist did such an excellent job, you look quite alive. It is hisssterical. 1.2603 0.04130 146 112 30 4
1641 Thinking about getting a trophy wife ? 1.2602 0.03886 196 155 31 10
1642 Oops, took a wrong turn. I thought I was in the Garden of Eden. 1.2600 0.03631 200 155 38 7
1643 Of courth I thpeak with a lithp. Don't act tho thurprithed. 1.2600 0.04579 150 120 21 9
1644 You don't realize how thin your walls are, do you? 1.2600 0.04276 150 117 27 6
1645 You were supposed to be showing me the pictures. 1.2600 0.03767 200 157 34 9
1646 Guess what happened to the gazelle? 1.2598 0.03969 204 164 27 13
1647 The snake is not real, The snake is not real, The snake is 1.2597 0.04495 154 123 22 9
1648 Turn the page already, boy you are a slow reader. 1.2597 0.04100 154 119 30 5
1649 Psst, the candles are singeing my skin. 1.2597 0.03624 181 138 39 4
1650 It's a hoax, it's fake news, trust me 1.2597 0.04101 181 144 27 10
1651 Remember me? From the safari? I swallowed your friend Stanley? 1.2595 0.04132 158 123 29 6
1652 Do you have something I can sink my teeth into? 1.2595 0.04323 158 125 25 8
1653 No, but I have some Apple stock. 1.2593 0.04159 162 127 28 7
1654 Can we watch the latest remake of Dune tonight? 1.2593 0.04159 162 127 28 7
1655 The Beginner’s Guide to Taxidermy 1.2593 0.03872 162 124 34 4
1656 Psst… care for an apple? 1.2593 0.04066 162 126 30 6
1657 I've eaten all the mice behind your walls. Now what? 1.2593 0.03772 162 123 36 3
1658 Is that a hisss-tory book you' re reading or are you just glad to see me? 1.2591 0.04125 193 156 24 13
1659 Now that the deer head has worked its way through my digestive tract, may I suggest moose? 1.2590 0.04092 166 130 29 7
1660 Panini Nagini? 1.2590 0.04267 166 132 25 9
1661 Have you reached my favorite part yet where Eve bites into the apple? 1.2590 0.03909 166 128 33 5
1662 Yess, you could write better...Why don't you start with memoir? 1.2590 0.04490 139 109 24 6
1663 You've constricted me all my life. Now, it'sss poetic justice revenge time. 1.2589 0.03801 197 155 33 9
1664 Next time I’m getting something with antlers. 1.2589 0.03733 197 154 35 8
1665 Excuse me, do you know what happened to our friend the lion? 1.2588 0.03941 170 132 32 6
1666 Just so you know, every great story begins with a snake. 1.2588 0.03760 170 130 36 4
1667 Absinthe and some light reading, aye? 1.2588 0.04279 170 136 24 10
1668 So, Adam-when am I going to meet Eve? 1.2588 0.03941 170 132 32 6
1669 Your wife Eve asked me to tell you the apple pie is ready... 1.2586 0.04131 174 138 27 9
1670 May I suggest an Appletini?" 1.2586 0.04049 174 137 29 8
1671 Sorry, I don’t mean to startle you. We just implemented a new immersive sales method. Would you like to buy some oil? 1.2586 0.04131 174 138 27 9
1672 Be a pal and put some music on. 1.2586 0.04049 174 137 29 8
1673 Sssooo, first time in Australia? 1.2586 0.03967 174 136 31 7
1674 It was a dark and slithery night and all was not calm. 1.2584 0.04144 178 142 26 10
1675 No fire and now Harry Potter, Tom? And they call me cold-blooded. 1.2584 0.03988 178 140 30 8
1676 You didn’t know we can regenerate , did you? 1.2584 0.03908 178 139 32 7
1677 Honey - I think that your west coast relatives have added something to the wine again? 1.2584 0.03908 178 139 32 7
1678 Thanks for the rabbit head appetizer. And this wine will go well with my entree." 1.2584 0.03568 178 135 40 3
1679 Spoiler alert – the snake kills the big game hunter while he is reading. 1.2583 0.04648 151 122 19 10
1680 Can I interest you in an Apple audiobook? 1.2582 0.03929 182 143 31 8
1681 Hey! Why aren’t you watching me? I’ve got something way more salacious than that book! 1.2582 0.03929 182 143 31 8
1682 Jusssst one more chapter pleassssse!! 1.2582 0.03772 182 141 35 6
1683 Psst!! Have you seen Eve? 1.2582 0.03788 213 170 31 12
1684 Skip to the good part. 1.2581 0.03797 186 145 34 7
1685 That Genesis story is fake hiss-tory. 1.2581 0.04179 155 121 28 6
1686 You called ? 1.2581 0.04562 155 125 20 10
1687 Psst. Do you wanna know what's going on next door? 1.2581 0.04077 155 120 30 5
1688 Do you have any more deer heads? 1.2581 0.03504 217 169 40 8
1689 Ah! Genesis 2 - My very favorite! 1.2581 0.03873 186 146 32 8
1690 One more chapter and then it's your bed time 1.2579 0.04299 159 126 25 8
1691 Put the book down pick up the phone and tell her you love her. 1.2579 0.04012 159 123 31 5
1692 Hey! Some people have cats, some have parakeets. others have hamsters or fish to pass pandemic time with! But I ask you, who comes even close to this??? 1.2579 0.04012 159 123 31 5
1693 Pssst…..Beth dies at the end 1.2579 0.04110 159 124 29 6
1694 Aw c'mon, just a little snuggle. 1.2579 0.04299 159 126 25 8
1695 Trust me. I've got a rattle on my tail and it's shaking menacingly. 1.2577 0.03906 194 154 30 10
1696 You misssssssed. 1.2577 0.04136 163 128 28 7
1697 Are you ever going to clean out the hidden room the rest of me is in?Snakes do poop you know 1.2577 0.04227 163 129 26 8
1698 Better switch taxidermists! 1.2577 0.03949 163 126 32 5
1699 I don’t think you understand the meaning of trophy wife. 1.2577 0.03949 163 126 32 5
1700 "I'm never sticking my neck out for you again." 1.2577 0.03949 163 126 32 5
1701 The movie was better. You can't beat Heston and Brynner. 1.2576 0.04385 132 102 26 4
1702 Some trophies can swallow you whole 1.2575 0.03981 167 130 31 6
1703 Well what do you think I did with the boar's head? 1.2575 0.04158 167 132 27 8
1704 Eve has something to show you. 1.2575 0.03981 167 130 31 6
1705 Ssst...Grace Poole is Rochester's wife. 1.2575 0.04492 167 136 19 12
1706 I think I'm classy, too, but the apartment next door lodged another complaint about their wall art. 1.2574 0.03800 202 160 32 10
1707 Does your book clarify whether I'm poisonous or a constrictor? 1.2574 0.03800 202 160 32 10
1708 I was feeling really constricted being someone's trophy 1.2574 0.04428 136 106 25 5
1709 Spoiler alert - the snake eats the man! 1.2573 0.04257 171 137 24 10
1710 There's still another twist to the story. 1.2571 0.03947 175 137 31 7
1711 Have you gotten to the part about the apple? 1.2571 0.03762 210 167 32 11
1712 C'mon, Claude, light the fire. I'm freezing. 1.2571 0.04267 175 141 23 11
1713 Spoiler alert: She bites the apple. 1.2571 0.04576 140 111 22 7
1714 Are you not familiar with the process of regeneration? 1.2571 0.04687 140 112 20 8
1715 The Speckled Band is one of my favorite Sherlock Holmes. 1.2570 0.04047 179 142 28 9
1716 And then what happened? 1.2570 0.03807 179 139 34 6
1717 Hmmm...did you have my fangs removed or didn't you? It's possible I could bite your head clean off. So you gotta asp yourself: Do I feel lucky? Well...do ya? Punk? 1.2570 0.04124 179 143 26 10
1718 I get a bad rap there. She was supposed to give ME the apple. 1.2569 0.04802 144 117 17 10
1719 So Dad this is what Zuckerberg meant by the metaverse? Cmon! 1.2569 0.04152 144 111 29 4
1720 Yes, you could go with an apple, but a PC would also get you kicked out of the garden. 1.2569 0.04489 144 114 23 7
1721 I'm Basil, your friendly masseur. 1.2569 0.04802 144 117 17 10
1722 Is this the Garden of Eden? 1.2568 0.03910 183 144 31 8
1723 What this room needs is a little more grass. 1.2568 0.03986 183 145 29 9
1724 Just a friendly reminder to keep the fire stoked this season. 1.2568 0.04406 148 117 24 7
1725 You know, "Paradise Lost" isn't the only book on the shelf.... 1.2568 0.03967 148 113 32 3
1726 Payback is a bitch, huh? 1.2568 0.04301 148 116 26 6
1727 Monty became certain he was being watched. 1.2567 0.04001 187 149 28 10
1728 I heard you say that you wanted to curl up. 1.2566 0.03232 226 173 48 5
1729 I’d like to wrap my head around this 1.2566 0.04226 152 119 27 6
1730 Seriously? The Old Testament? In front of me?! Damn you! 1.2565 0.03943 191 152 29 10
1731 Adam, where's Eve? 1.2564 0.04536 156 126 20 10
1732 I think you're looking for Cleopatra. 1.2564 0.04349 156 124 24 8
1733 What have I told you about reading over my shoulder. 1.2564 0.04444 156 125 22 9
1734 Did you hear that freaky talking raven? What was THAT all about? 1.2563 0.03900 199 159 29 11
1735 I see you've got a glass of red wine—ever tried apple juice? 1.2563 0.03700 199 156 35 8
1736 Wrong. You come in after the second stanza. 1.2563 0.03700 199 156 35 8
1737 Actually, I'm a long neck gekko. 1.2563 0.04455 160 129 21 10
1738 we've been trying to reach you about you car's exsssstended warranty 1.2563 0.04275 160 127 25 8
1739 Spoiler alert: Adam eats the apple 1.2563 0.04182 160 126 27 7
1740 Kindle is so superior; I'm from the Amazon. 1.2561 0.04114 164 129 28 7
1741 Light up those logs 1.2561 0.04022 164 128 30 6
1742 Sssir, we've been trying to reach you about your car'sss exssstendend warranty sss 1.2561 0.04022 164 128 30 6
1743 Relax, I'm just virtual reality 1.2560 0.04221 168 134 25 9
1744 For the 100th time, I'm team Gryffindor! 1.2560 0.03869 168 130 33 5
1745 You don't need books. Get an Apple. 1.2558 0.03722 172 132 36 4
1746 Afterall, you keep wishing for a trophy wife. 1.2557 0.04395 176 144 19 13
1747 Genesis? The power of suggestion. 1.2557 0.03843 176 137 33 6
1748 You thought COVID was bad? 1.2557 0.03927 176 138 31 7
1749 So where's the apple now? 1.2556 0.04103 180 144 26 10
1750 We're out of toilet paper. 1.2556 0.03788 180 140 34 6
1751 Henry, please. Just tickle my belly for one minute. 1.2556 0.03949 180 142 30 8
1752 Does the new Omicron stuff mean I can't have sip of your drink ? 1.2555 0.04637 137 109 21 7
1753 Thanks for the appetizer. Are you the main course? 1.2554 0.03655 184 142 37 5
1754 OK----here`s the deal. You feed me a steady diet of apples and I`ll play dead when Eve arrives. 1.2554 0.03892 184 145 31 8
1755 Let’s keep this book recommendation our little ssssecret. 1.2553 0.04053 188 151 26 11
1756 You are the heir of Slytherin! 1.2553 0.04077 141 108 30 3
1757 So Adam, remember me from the Garden? 1.2552 0.04241 145 113 27 5
1758 What the hell is a Gryffindor? 1.2552 0.04127 145 112 29 4
1759 You take ONE fruit from the tree and get taxidermied... 1.2551 0.03870 196 156 30 10
1760 The ssssequel is much better. 1.2549 0.04202 153 120 27 6
1761 Life is not fair. God said Adam & Eve would die if they ate that fruit. I said they wouldn't and got punished for telling the truth. 1.2549 0.04402 153 122 23 8
1762 How'd you like to come back to my place? 1.2549 0.04202 153 120 27 6
1763 Log in to your social media account to see who just liked one of your posts. 1.2549 0.04303 153 121 25 7
1764 Keep your tongue inside the book. 1.2548 0.04132 157 123 28 6
1765 Your wife is having an affair with that Lewellyn guy next door. 1.2548 0.04132 157 123 28 6
1766 Where do you think all that oil he's sold to millions of Americans comes from? He uses it on his hair too! 1.2548 0.04032 157 122 30 5
1767 Spoiler Alert: Eve eats the fruit. 1.2548 0.04325 157 125 24 8
1768 Don't forget, the Slytherin reunion is two weeks from Saturday. 1.2547 0.04159 161 127 27 7
1769 Pleassssssse go back to your office 1.2547 0.04342 161 129 23 9
1770 Snape kills Dumbledore. 1.2547 0.04159 161 127 27 7
1771 I really like the part where the very hungry caterpillar overeats. Please read on. 1.2545 0.04001 165 129 30 6
1772 Sssllooowwlllyyyy oooppennssss the sssaafffee uupppsssssssttaairrrrssssssssssss 1.2545 0.04269 165 132 24 9
1773 Hey, if cigarettes are so bad for us, why do we give them to monkeys? 1.2544 0.04282 169 136 23 10
1774 Don’t you think it may be time to see what I have left for you inside the wall? 1.2544 0.03756 169 130 35 4
1775 I can't read it to you because you don't have any ears. 1.2544 0.04282 169 136 23 10
1776 Reading 'Madame Boavary' 1.2543 0.04050 173 137 28 8
1777 Fold the corner, you don't need a bookmark. 1.2543 0.04132 173 138 26 9
1778 Oh no, not that lame Adam and Eve BS 1.2542 0.03564 177 135 39 3
1779 Anything in that book about the benefits of fire for cold-blooded creatures? 1.2542 0.03907 177 139 31 7
1780 You have some disgusting habits. 1.2542 0.03907 177 139 31 7
1781 And where’s YOUR better half? 1.2542 0.04068 177 141 27 9
1782 Ah, Snow White, a classic! My favorite part was when she bit the apple. 1.2542 0.03989 177 140 29 8
1783 Joan in 14B wants her casserole back. 1.2541 0.03930 181 143 30 8
1784 Can't we watch the Animal Planet. 1.2541 0.03718 185 144 35 6
1785 I think your wine was spiked. 1.2541 0.04022 185 148 27 10
1786 Just a friendly reminder from your library that your book is due back soon. 1.2541 0.03718 185 144 35 6
1787 Food for thought. 1.2541 0.04022 185 148 27 10
1788 It’s called regeneration and it’s FABULOUS! 1.2540 0.03892 189 150 30 9
1789 How them apples? 1.2538 0.03716 197 155 34 8
1790 Can you turn the page for me pleasssssse? 1.2537 0.03750 205 163 32 10
1791 Don't believe everything you read about me. 1.2536 0.03763 209 167 31 11
1792 Tell me that one about the apple again. 1.2535 0.04734 142 115 18 9
1793 Funny! Even I thought the whole body growing back thing was a myth. But here I am. 1.2535 0.04173 142 110 28 4
1794 Let's see if 'Lose Your Fear of Snakes' is working. 1.2535 0.04518 142 113 22 7
1795 It really is a stretch to read in this light. 1.2535 0.04518 142 113 22 7
1796 Mind if I wash down the venison with a little wine? 1.2533 0.04354 150 119 24 7
1797 Law books won't help you, my name is on the lease. 1.2533 0.04144 150 117 28 5
1798 I said put the deer back. 1.2533 0.04250 150 118 26 6
1799 Oy! I guess it’s time to stop with the martinis. 1.2532 0.04075 154 120 29 5
1800 I think that wine is laced with something. 1.2532 0.04472 154 124 21 9
1801 We can all tell that you're skimming the lit review, Ryan. 1.2532 0.04472 154 124 21 9
1802 Sometimes Lord Voldemort makes me feel like a trophy wife. 1.2532 0.04009 158 123 30 5
1803 Can you bring me another bear head? The last one was delicious 1.2532 0.04009 158 123 30 5
1804 It's Adam, right? 1.2532 0.03907 158 122 32 4
1805 I thought this was a glory hole 1.2532 0.04300 158 126 24 8
1806 I can't read to you anaconda you had me mounted. 1.2531 0.03947 162 126 31 5
1807 Don't speak to me with you forked tongue. 1.2531 0.04136 162 128 27 7
1808 Sssssss! It turns out I’m a real snake and not a mounted trophy snake, which is definitely a thing that exists outside of this one cartoon. 1.2531 0.04043 162 127 29 6
1809 Oscar tends to get wrapped up in whatever he's reading. 1.2531 0.04043 162 127 29 6
1810 fascinating hisssssssstory 1.2530 0.04070 166 131 28 7
1811 Once again, you seem to fall for the temptation to have a quiet night in. 1.2530 0.04246 166 133 24 9
1812 That fish was mine and you know it. 1.2530 0.03979 166 130 30 6
1813 Maybe you've had enough to drink. 1.2529 0.04177 170 136 25 9
1814 Unbeknownst to Herman,Bo was silently regenerating behind his plaque,waiting for just the right moment for a fireside chat. 1.2529 0.04191 174 140 24 10
1815 Have you ever seen the movie Trading Placessssssss? 1.2529 0.03861 174 136 32 6
1816 I've seen climate change up close and personal. It's ugly. 1.2529 0.03594 174 133 38 3
1817 Will you read me another story? 1.2529 0.04029 174 138 28 8
1818 The last chapter frightened me out of my skin." 1.2528 0.03888 178 140 31 7
1819 Thiss iss Mosscato. I assked for Prossssecco. 1.2528 0.03888 178 140 31 7
1820 Hey, man, props for the have-a-heart taxidermy. 1.2527 0.03832 182 143 32 7
1821 In case you’re curious, I regrew my tail. 1.2526 0.03945 190 152 28 10
1822 Burning the midnight snake oil. 1.2526 0.03801 190 150 32 8
1823 It's just Calvados, Adam. You'll be fine. 1.2526 0.03873 190 151 30 9
1824 Who’s the hunted now, sucker! 1.2526 0.03945 190 152 28 10
1825 Is it cold-blooded in here or is it just me? 1.2526 0.04090 194 158 23 13
1826 Tell me what happens to the basilisk in the book, pretty please? 1.2526 0.03820 194 154 31 9
1827 Have you read the one about the pig in the python? 1.2525 0.03784 202 161 31 10
1828 The great hunter becomes the great hunted. 1.2519 0.04513 131 103 23 5
1829 I knew I shouldn't have bought those snakeskin shoes. 1.2519 0.04900 135 110 16 9
1830 I've heard of over-compensating, but a snake trophy? 1.2519 0.04669 135 108 20 7
1831 Great taxidermy, so lifelike! 1.2518 0.04690 139 112 19 8
1832 Exquisite. My dinner has a good taste in wine. 1.2518 0.04222 139 108 27 4
1833 Did you get to the part where I convince Eve to eat the apple? 1.2517 0.04265 143 112 26 5
1834 Don't leave me hanging. 1.2517 0.04265 143 112 26 5
1835 I don’t mean to hover, but I’m a bit of a hissssstory buff. 1.2517 0.04379 143 113 24 6
1836 Since you’re the literary genius, tell me what I represent. 1.2517 0.03899 151 116 32 3
1837 “Reading Harry Potter before bedtime?” 1.2517 0.04528 151 122 20 9
1838 Slow down. 1.2517 0.04429 151 121 22 8
1839 You know I'm cold-blooded, and yet you put me over the fireplace??? 1.2517 0.04429 151 121 22 8
1840 Yes, I'm a Slytherin. 1.2517 0.04225 151 119 26 6
1841 psst... can I get a turtle neck for Christmas? 1.2516 0.04254 155 123 25 7
1842 I was happy in the forest, but you killed me and had me stuffed and kept on the mantel piece - Why? Why? Why? 1.2516 0.04351 155 124 23 8
1843 Any mention of me in the New Testament? I serpentally hope so… 1.2516 0.04351 155 124 23 8
1844 If that's The Bible you're reading, I wouldn't buy into any of it 1.2516 0.04254 155 123 25 7
1845 I think they didn’t understand when you said you wanted me “stuffed”. 1.2516 0.04182 159 126 26 7
1846 There are consequences 1.2516 0.03886 159 123 32 4
1847 The detective did it. Now we're even. 1.2515 0.04021 163 128 29 6
1848 Welcome to Slithering House. Seen Harry,lately? 1.2515 0.04114 163 129 27 7
1849 C'mon--you were bored with the moose. 1.2515 0.04021 163 128 29 6
1850 I figure... one bite and two swallows. 1.2515 0.03958 167 131 30 6
1851 And then the baby anaconda was adopted by a business who took him to New York City where they both lived happily ever after. 1.2515 0.04048 167 132 28 7
1852 A slithery past always returns to haunt you. 1.2515 0.03958 167 131 30 6
1853 I love a good hisss-storical fiction novel 1.2515 0.03899 171 134 31 6
1854 We're going to trade places. 1.2515 0.04155 171 137 25 9
1855 I haven't had a meal in six months. 1.2515 0.03899 171 134 31 6
1856 Buying that canned peanut brittle was the worst mistake of your life, pal. 1.2514 0.04090 175 140 26 9
1857 It'sss part of the Magic of Believing: What you focussss your thoughtsss on, you help to materialize... 1.2514 0.03814 183 144 32 7
1858 Turn the page, will you? I’m a fast reader. 1.2514 0.04043 183 147 26 10
1859 So it was you who ate our deer. 1.2514 0.04260 183 150 20 13
1860 Some books, like the one you're reading on taxidermy, often gloss over the most basic concepts. 1.2514 0.03653 183 142 36 5
1861 Wanna coil up with a good book? 1.2513 0.03836 187 148 31 8
1862 Hope you guess my name. 1.2513 0.03910 187 149 29 9
1863 Lucky for you I’m trying vegan this week. 1.2513 0.03871 195 156 29 10
1864 In my humble opinion, your wine has nice legs. 1.2513 0.03542 199 155 38 6
1865 Fake News....... 1.2512 0.03567 203 159 37 7
1866 In my defense, my point of view is not narrated there. 1.2500 0.03716 184 144 34 6
1867 A classic? Surely you’d prefer a bestseller. 1.2500 0.03597 200 157 36 7
1868 Ssssssay, Professor, I couldn't help but notice — isn't it the latest adaptation of that old creation story with a talking snake up a tree? 1.2500 0.04084 180 145 25 10
1869 So, d'ya like it so far? 1.2500 0.03790 172 134 33 5
1870 Do you think the sorting hat would put me in Slytherin? 1.2500 0.04069 176 141 26 9
1871 How's about them apples then? 1.2500 0.04352 144 114 24 6
1872 I haven't read that one yet. Don't tell me how it endsss... 1.2500 0.04159 160 127 26 7
1873 Would you please light up the fireplace? 1.2500 0.04352 144 114 24 6
1874 Go back to the part about Slytherin 1.2500 0.03964 188 151 27 10
1875 Turns out Maxim never loved Rebecca. He hated her! Enjoy. 1.2500 0.03873 184 146 30 8
1876 Not really my business, but will you be going to bed soon? 1.2500 0.03734 200 159 32 9
1877 Pssst... would you like an apple? 1.2500 0.04050 172 137 27 8
1878 Proverbs 23:31-32, just sayin'..." 1.2500 0.04252 160 128 24 8
1879 Could you read out loud, please? It might help me fall asleep. 1.2500 0.04570 144 116 20 8
1880 What cha' doin'? Reading? 1.2500 0.03736 176 137 34 5
1881 Relax Nagini 1.2500 0.03938 168 132 30 6
1882 Don’t you think it’s time to light the fire? 1.2500 0.03588 188 146 37 5
1883 We have something in common. I’m a bookworm too! 1.2500 0.04091 164 130 27 7
1884 Your slavish devotion to Dan Brown is getting me down. 1.2500 0.03908 192 154 28 10
1885 No goodnight hug tonight? 1.2500 0.04063 160 126 28 6
1886 Excuse me but are you reading "Slithering Heights"? 1.2500 0.03989 176 140 28 8
1887 My bucket needs emptying. 1.2500 0.03877 152 117 32 3
1888 Can I tempt you to light the fire? 1.2500 0.04854 132 107 17 8
1889 Eve's blocked you on social media. 1.2500 0.04159 160 127 26 7
1890 Don’t be so stingy with the heat and light that fireplace before I decide to wrap myself around you to get warm! 1.2500 0.04316 140 110 25 5
1891 People do say that reality is stranger than fiction. 1.2500 0.04316 140 110 25 5
1892 Do you have any books about mice? 1.2500 0.03644 196 154 35 7
1893 I thought it is suppose to be an elephant in the room? 1.2500 0.04050 172 137 27 8
1894 My brother is featured in that book you're reading. 1.2500 0.04159 160 127 26 7
1895 Excuse me. Is this Slytherin House? 1.2500 0.03736 176 137 34 5
1896 think how much easier an Ipad would be 1.2500 0.03768 180 141 33 6
1897 I’m suing that publisher for slander. 1.2500 0.04397 136 107 24 5
1898 I thought the eyes on that vacuum hose were following me. 1.2500 0.04063 160 126 28 6
1899 Do you taste as good as deer head? 1.2500 0.04123 144 112 28 4
1900 How about you take a break from Hemingway and get back to Taxidermy for Morons? 1.2500 0.04397 136 107 24 5
1901 If you insist on reading aloud I suggest you brush up on your sibilance. 1.2500 0.04050 172 137 27 8
1902 All in all-just an elongated, limbless, carnivorous and venomous creature-I'm outside THE WALL. 1.2500 0.04344 160 129 22 9
1903 Psst ... How'd you like to meet a beautiful woman with a desire for an apple and an accountant with a high income. 1.2500 0.03989 176 140 28 8
1904 Does it say anything about the risks of mounting live snakes? 1.2500 0.03965 172 136 29 7
1905 Don't believe everything you read. 1.2488 0.03511 201 157 38 6
1906 OMG! Not The Speckled Band again. 1.2487 0.03958 193 156 26 11
1907 Potter, if you assssumed your Hogwartsss tuition wasss free, you have made an assssssp out of you and me." 1.2487 0.03800 189 150 31 8
1908 Have you switched to a cheaper cognac? 1.2486 0.04004 185 149 26 10
1909 From the very beginning, that Book gives us snakes a bad rap. 1.2486 0.03777 185 146 32 7
1910 How many times do I have to tell you to not be reading over my shoulder? 1.2486 0.03750 181 142 33 6
1911 At lassssssssst. The hunter becomes the hunted. 1.2486 0.03831 181 143 31 7
1912 It wasn't actually an apple. 1.2486 0.03750 181 142 33 6
1913 Can I share with you some new features of the iOS update? 1.2486 0.03750 181 142 33 6
1914 Light the fire again and you’re a dead man. 1.2486 0.03988 181 145 27 9
1915 Thanks for holding my drink. 1.2486 0.03969 177 141 28 8
1916 I'm bored with the classics. I've got an appetite for something I can really sink my teeth into. 1.2485 0.03917 169 133 30 6
1917 I need a new taxidermist. 1.2485 0.04093 169 135 26 8
1918 You want to hug? 1.2485 0.03826 169 132 32 5
1919 Aha! You didn’t know I could grow a new tail, did you? 1.2485 0.03917 169 133 30 6
1920 Let’s curl up with a good book together 1.2485 0.04247 165 133 23 9
1921 Peek-a-boo! 1.2485 0.04501 165 136 17 12
1922 No, thank you. I'm not much of an apple fan myself, but perhaps my wife would be interested. 1.2485 0.04069 165 131 27 7
1923 Have you gotten to the part where Ginny Weasley steals Riddle’s diary? 1.2485 0.04069 165 131 27 7
1924 And you thought I was dead!! 1.2485 0.03978 165 130 29 6
1925 Yes, I agree “A worm from the wall” would have been far more poetic than “A snake in the grass !” 1.2485 0.03978 165 130 29 6
1926 Don’t worry – the kids are loving the rattle in the nursery next door 1.2484 0.04229 161 129 24 8
1927 I thought Harry Potter killed you 20 years ago. 1.2484 0.04301 157 126 23 8
1928 I never asked to be a Trophy Vipe 1.2484 0.03797 157 121 33 3
1929 Eve is waiting for you in the upstairs bedroom 1.2484 0.04301 157 126 23 8
1930 Do you have any books in portuguese from Brazil ? I am deadly bored in that wall. 1.2484 0.04570 153 125 18 10
1931 Gosh, doesn't it seem like "Paradise Lost" around here these days? 1.2484 0.04377 153 123 22 8
1932 Let me know when you get to the part about the house of Slytherin. Can I *ASP* you a question about your cars extended warranty? Man, check out the reticulation on that one! I see you’re reading the Book of Genesis. I won’t spoil the ending. 1.2484 0.04278 153 122 24 7
1933 May trophy wife turn those pages for you with her tongue? 1.2483 0.04354 149 119 23 7
1934 The deer head was stale got anything fresher? 1.2483 0.04354 149 119 23 7
1935 No, I was never dead. 1.2483 0.04249 149 118 25 6
1936 You don’t look like the heir to slytherin... 1.2483 0.04249 149 118 25 6
1937 The DTs, Executive Version. 1.2483 0.04435 145 116 22 7
1938 Did you get the email that I sent you? 1.2483 0.04213 145 114 26 5
1939 'Our apartment neighbor is taking things a little too far' 1.2482 0.04519 141 113 21 7
1940 Cliffs Notes for Taxidermy? You gotta be kidding! 1.2482 0.04608 137 110 20 7
1941 You should see my ass in the other room.” 1.2482 0.04369 137 108 24 5
1942 Hey Huxley, I’m reading your latest book. By the way what did you put in that drink? 1.2475 0.03701 202 161 32 9
1943 So, I said, ' I didn't know a horse could talk', and the dog said, 'neither did I.' 1.2474 0.03731 194 154 32 8
1944 what happens to the farmer? 1.2474 0.03708 190 150 33 7
1945 And I thought you were a trophy? 1.2473 0.03836 186 148 30 8
1946 How does it end? 1.2473 0.03681 186 146 34 6
1947 Is it story time yet 1.2473 0.03759 186 147 32 7
1948 I"ll light your fire and give you a little squeeze to keep you warm. 1.2472 0.03613 178 138 36 4
1949 It wassssss the bessssst of timessss, it wassssss the worsssssst of timesssss 1.2472 0.04106 178 144 24 10
1950 It's like your eyes-s-s follow me as-s-s I move around the room! 1.2472 0.03867 178 141 30 7
1951 Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition. 1.2472 0.03700 178 139 34 5
1952 I said, "READ ME ANOTHER BEDTIME STORY!" 1.2471 0.04091 174 140 25 9
1953 This is not what I had envisioned when I installed this glory hole. 1.2471 0.03925 174 138 29 7
1954 Niccccce Asssssscott 1.2471 0.03662 174 135 35 4
1955 Psssst 1.2471 0.04320 170 139 20 11
1956 Kindly put your tongue back in your mouth as your breath is AWFUL! 1.2471 0.03985 170 135 28 7
1957 But maybe you haven't fallen asleep reading your book. 1.2471 0.04320 170 139 20 11
1958 I’ve often wondered where the rest of me is. 1.2471 0.03806 170 133 32 5
1959 I didn’t say I believed what the book says about Eve , but her accusation is worth looking into. 1.2471 0.03985 170 135 28 7
1960 Who told you to eat the apple? 1.2470 0.04048 166 132 27 7
1961 Have you considered having a nice juicy apple for supper? I won't tell. 1.2470 0.04048 166 132 27 7
1962 The moose head was tasty. Now what's for dessert. 1.2470 0.03956 166 131 29 6
1963 Best of times, worst of times." Waa, waa, waa. What a big crybaby 1.2470 0.03863 166 130 31 5
1964 And your little dog, too. 1.2470 0.03767 166 129 33 4
1965 Psst. The herpetologist did it. 1.2470 0.04137 166 133 25 8
1966 Leaves of Grass" was a lot more fun. 1.2470 0.03956 166 131 29 6
1967 That drink is stronger than you think! 1.2470 0.04048 166 132 27 7
1968 NOT funny! WHERE is my Impala? 1.2470 0.04394 166 136 19 11
1969 You read. I'll hiss. 1.2470 0.04048 166 132 27 7
1970 That was a delicious taxidermist. 1.2470 0.03956 166 131 29 6
1971 Harry Potter sends his regards 1.2469 0.04470 162 133 18 11
1972 But, I don't want to be in Slytherin! 1.2469 0.04384 162 132 20 10
1973 Hi , sweetie . Just thought that I would give you a hug. 1.2469 0.04019 162 128 28 6
1974 I knew this would come back to bite me in the end. 1.2468 0.03882 158 123 31 4
1975 What does Dr. Freud have to say about this? 1.2468 0.04182 158 126 25 7
1976 Venom or constriction. Heads I win; tails you lose. 1.2468 0.04253 154 123 24 7
1977 Hey, the snake in the kitchen told me it doesn’t like you. 1.2468 0.04253 154 123 24 7
1978 We need toilet paper. 1.2468 0.04253 154 123 24 7
1979 You promised you would read me a dead time story. 1.2468 0.04253 154 123 24 7
1980 ...and for my third wish, I told the genie I wanted to be hung...like a real anaconda. 1.2468 0.04448 154 125 20 9
1981 Personally, I'm rooting for Slytherin. 1.2468 0.03833 154 119 32 3
1982 Thanks for the deer head. Got anything else to eat? 1.2466 0.04188 146 115 26 5
1983 Yea, I'm hissing. When are you planning on turning the page? 1.2465 0.04490 142 114 21 7
1984 I already kissed you goodnight. 1.2465 0.04600 142 115 19 8
1985 Don't mind me, I'm an invasive species. 1.2464 0.03958 138 106 30 2
1986 You're never getting invited back to Loch Ness, you know. 1.2464 0.04341 138 109 24 5
1987 Psss-sst! ...spoiler alert.. 1.2464 0.04692 138 112 18 8
1988 If I were you, I would reconsider your sense of self-satisfaction 1.2462 0.03933 199 162 25 12
1989 Guess you should have researched things better. If you don't cut far enough back, snakes just regenerate their bodies...sorry. 1.2462 0.03922 195 158 26 11
1990 I got bored as your trophy snake...May I constrict you? 1.2459 0.04024 183 148 25 10
1991 Put the book down and watch "Real housewives" like you know you want to. 1.2459 0.04171 183 150 21 12
1992 I tried getting a partnership with apple and I'm still dealing with the fallout - a PR nightmare. 1.2457 0.03905 175 139 29 7
1993 The time to hesitate is through. Light my fire. 1.2457 0.03820 175 138 31 6
1994 Do you mind if I asp you a question? 1.2457 0.03905 175 139 29 7
1995 It must be the tequila 1.2456 0.03964 171 136 28 7
1996 Don't spoil the ending for me. I haven't finished reading the book. 1.2455 0.04026 167 133 27 7
1997 What do I need to do to get your attention, dear? 1.2455 0.04026 167 133 27 7
1998 Bookworms, booksnakes, whatever turns your page. 1.2455 0.03748 167 130 33 4
1999 Psst! I'm so over that apple chapter thing. 1.2455 0.03748 167 130 33 4
2000 Take a look at what they said about me, at the very beginning, Chapter 3, verse 1. 1.2455 0.04026 167 133 27 7
2001 I had nothing to do with Eve eating the apple. 1.2454 0.03901 163 128 30 5
2002 Just tell her to make the apple crumble. 1.2453 0.04158 159 127 25 7
2003 Sssssssso? 1.2453 0.04061 159 126 27 6
2004 Perhaps you were wondering how the past three owners perished without a trace and have solved the problem. Alas, you’re correct! 1.2453 0.03962 159 125 29 5
2005 I've heard she dies in the end. 1.2453 0.04253 159 128 23 8
2006 If you read that, you will be wise as Gods, knowing good and evil. 1.2452 0.03622 208 166 33 9
2007 Can I offer you an Apple iphone? 1.2452 0.04128 155 123 26 6
2008 I promise to go to bed if you read about Adam, Eve and me one more time. 1.2452 0.04128 155 123 26 6
2009 There's an apple for that. 1.2450 0.03871 151 117 31 3
2010 What page was I on? 1.2450 0.04199 151 120 25 6
2011 Please start the fireplace, it's cold. 1.2450 0.03717 200 160 31 9
2012 I love that book! The butler did it. 1.2449 0.03932 147 114 30 3
2013 Don't have a hisssssssssssy fit. 1.2449 0.04381 147 118 22 7
2014 And the serpent told Adam " do not drink the fruit of this vine" 1.2449 0.04381 147 118 22 7
2015 Don’t you think you should ask me, rather than read what lurks in your mind? 1.2449 0.04381 147 118 22 7
2016 You're safe. I only bite those who use a kindle. 1.2449 0.04381 147 118 22 7
2017 She says she'd be glad to have coffee and promised not to mention fruit. 1.2448 0.04236 143 113 25 5
2018 Don't tell me you thought having a trophy wife would come at no cost to you. 1.2448 0.04351 143 114 23 6
2019 Waiting for Santa. Why do you ask? 1.2444 0.04394 135 107 23 5
2020 Spoiler alert: You die. 1.2443 0.04049 176 142 25 9
2021 Please light the fire- I’m a little cold blooded! 1.2443 0.03714 176 138 33 5
2022 We had a good thing going in the forest, Adam. 1.2443 0.03801 176 139 31 6
2023 And then Harry Potter and the basilisk become best friends, right? 1.2443 0.03885 176 140 29 7
2024 Trust me, this would be a best seller! 1.2442 0.04029 172 138 26 8
2025 Rethinking my eclectic phase. 1.2442 0.04029 172 138 26 8
2026 A depressing story if you ask me. 1.2442 0.03676 172 134 34 4
2027 T’was the night before Christmas when…Holy Crap! 1.2440 0.04263 168 137 21 10
2028 The elk was just the appetizer. 1.2440 0.03823 168 132 31 5
2029 Here's the part where I catch her with no clothes on. 1.2439 0.03782 164 128 32 4
2030 Is that Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil 1.2437 0.04039 160 127 27 6
2031 I am tired of subsisting on the rats that live inside your walls. I want some veggies. 1.2437 0.03609 197 156 34 7
2032 Wouldn't you rather have, how do you say, a Macintosh? 1.2436 0.03898 156 122 30 4
2033 Really? The Bible? Do you even love me anymore? 1.2436 0.04302 156 126 22 8
2034 And you thought BOA was just a bank. 1.2436 0.04105 156 124 26 6
2035 I'm only going to say this once. No fires. 1.2436 0.04003 156 123 28 5
2036 Call the ssssssuper. Your toilet is blocked again. 1.2436 0.04490 156 128 18 10
2037 Don't hiss in my ear ! You were sent by amazon and I could just as easily return you to the Amazon. 1.2436 0.04003 156 123 28 5
2038 Thisssssssssssssssss motherfucker… 1.2435 0.03657 193 153 33 7
2039 The rhino was VERY dry...got something a bit fresher? 1.2434 0.04476 152 124 19 9
2040 Ssso ya looking for a buddy to unwind with? 1.2434 0.03734 152 117 33 2
2041 You’re supposed to kill us before you mount us, Sssstewart. 1.2434 0.03706 189 150 32 7
2042 Tilt it this way I’m also a book wor 1.2432 0.03678 185 146 33 6
2043 Yessss,you are hoping you jusst drank too much pandemic wine and are imagining thissss 1.2432 0.04137 148 117 26 5
2044 Would you mind pulling me back into the garden?? 1.2432 0.04137 148 117 26 5
2045 Spoiler alert: she dies at the end. 1.2432 0.03678 185 146 33 6
2046 Missed me! 1.2431 0.03189 218 169 45 4
2047 No, I don't want to join you for dinner. 1.2431 0.03890 181 145 28 8
2048 And you thought I'd never find you after you left the garden, Adam! 1.2431 0.04324 144 115 23 6
2049 You thought only cats had nine lives. 1.2431 0.04210 144 114 25 5
2050 Don't try crawling up the chimney. The other end of me is waiting there. 1.2431 0.04434 144 116 21 7
2051 Who was it who recommended this homeopathic pacemaker? 1.2431 0.04324 144 115 23 6
2052 for last week: Maybe Henry Louis Gates would accept a referral. 1.2429 0.03948 177 142 27 8
2053 Taxidermy looked easy on YouTube video, didn't it? 1.2429 0.04028 177 143 25 9
2054 I like a man that reads smut. 1.2429 0.04953 140 117 12 11
2055 I have to read with my tongue. 1.2427 0.03571 206 164 34 8
2056 Good choice Adam...'East of Eden'. 1.2426 0.04366 136 108 23 5
2057 I was bored just hanging around. 1.2426 0.04608 136 110 19 7
2058 Put down the book. Drink the wine. That's where all the world's knowledge is really to be found. 1.2426 0.04366 136 108 23 5
2059 Listen, snake, you promised you would just hang on the wall if I did not kill and stuff you.......so get back up there! 1.2426 0.04240 169 138 21 10
2060 Ssssssso you're a hunter? 1.2424 0.04450 132 105 22 5
2061 you've come a long way Adam....Eve still mad huh..... 1.2424 0.04703 132 107 18 7
2062 "The Evelyn Wood Reading Dynamics sure didn't help you. Hell, I can slither faster than you're reading that book!" 1.2424 0.04312 165 135 20 10
2063 I told you not to drop acid. 1.2424 0.04703 132 107 18 7
2064 They die in the end. 1.2424 0.04046 165 132 26 7
2065 I maybe sticking my head out here, but you have really got to do something about the draft back there... 1.2424 0.03663 165 128 34 3
2066 Sssssssso, whatcha reading? 1.2424 0.04312 165 135 20 10
2067 You don’t appear until chapter 7! 1.2422 0.04205 161 130 23 8
2068 I’m the ghost of Hissstmasss Passt. 1.2422 0.04386 161 132 19 10
2069 Great choice for a 6 January historian, 'Trump or Die'! 1.2422 0.04112 161 129 25 7
2070 For the last time, I don't know where Eve is. 1.2422 0.04112 161 129 25 7
2071 Monty’s throat constricted as his python slithered up to hear the story of Arthur and the Holy Grail. 1.2421 0.03837 190 153 28 9
2072 What is today’s hissstory lesson? 1.2421 0.03689 190 151 32 7
2073 Remember me, Adam? I'm the one that got your wife to eat that apple. 1.2420 0.03876 157 123 30 4
2074 I had venison for the appetizer. Now I'm ready for the entree. 1.2420 0.03980 157 124 28 5
2075 Yes, I'm the real Monthy Python and I'd love to tickle your funny bone. 1.2420 0.04082 157 125 26 6
2076 Stick out your tongue! 1.2420 0.04082 157 125 26 6
2077 It was a great book, but I didn't expect this surprise ending! 1.2419 0.04773 124 100 18 6
2078 Join, or Die. 1.2419 0.03739 186 148 31 7
2079 The Bible? Slanderous! I'm suing the authors. 1.2416 0.04222 149 119 24 6
2080 You know you want to ditch that Hemingway posthumously published drivel for the narrative of a trashy Harlequin novel. 1.2416 0.04113 149 118 26 5
2081 Excuse me, could you give me a hand to get he resto of my tail in? 1.2416 0.04532 149 122 18 9
2082 You have quite an imagination. 1.2416 0.03590 178 139 35 4
2083 Ethan was tempted to eat some fruit. 1.2416 0.03590 178 139 35 4
2084 Cleopatra dies in the end. 1.2416 0.03763 178 141 31 6
2085 An everyday meeting in the Slytherin common room. 1.2415 0.03422 207 163 38 6
2086 Don't believe everything you read. That's not how it really happened. 1.2414 0.04407 145 117 21 7
2087 Didn’t they make “snakes on a plane” into a movie? 1.2414 0.04297 145 116 23 6
2088 When they said you were a Lounge Lizard, I thought we’d be going out every night. 1.2414 0.04407 145 117 21 7
2089 I'M ACTUALLY A PRE-HISTORIC BOOKWORM! 1.2414 0.03817 174 138 30 6
2090 I just flue in to put a damper on your reading. 1.2414 0.04407 145 117 21 7
2091 Just so you know, I have issues with the story of the forbidden fruit. 1.2412 0.03577 199 158 34 7
2092 I told you I'd come back to bite you in the face 1.2412 0.03963 170 136 27 7
2093 Read about me all you like; but if you really want to know me you have to kiss me. 1.2412 0.04135 170 138 23 9
2094 Hello. I'm your trophy formerly known as an antelope. 1.2412 0.03874 170 135 29 6
2095 Let me show you how it ends. 1.2412 0.04049 170 137 25 8
2096 Wouldn't you rather be reading that on an Apple iPad? 1.2412 0.04049 170 137 25 8
2097 Can you read the part with Adan and Eve again. 1.2411 0.04259 141 112 24 5
2098 PSST..The Book of Knowledge comes with a Cliff's Notes, you know. 1.2411 0.04014 141 110 28 3
2099 My amazon years are back to haunt me! 1.2411 0.04138 141 111 26 4
2100 I know I should have thought better about getting you at the CPAC merch table! 1.2410 0.03839 166 131 30 5
2101 Can I talk to you about your car's extended warranty? 1.2409 0.04694 137 112 17 8
2102 Read me the one about the apple. 1.2407 0.03897 162 128 29 5
2103 What's your poison? 1.2407 0.04273 162 132 21 9
2104 Hey Trophy Hunter, anything in that book about how We, The Animals, GET REVENGE? 1.2407 0.04182 162 131 23 8
2105 Sir, I'm afraid you had rats. 1.2407 0.03797 162 127 31 4
2106 Is your name Adam by any chance? 1.2407 0.03797 162 127 31 4
2107 Another absinthe, my love? 1.2406 0.04420 133 106 22 5
2108 Harry, that's not how I remember it happening 1.2405 0.03958 158 125 28 5
2109 Since the accident the endings are all I care about. 1.2405 0.03855 158 124 30 4
2110 Can I suggest some good Edgar Allen Poe? 1.2405 0.03749 158 123 32 3
2111 Let me know when you reach the chapter on retribution. 1.2405 0.04157 158 127 24 7
2112 You do know we shed our skin. 1.2404 0.03670 208 168 30 10
2113 Don't be ssscared, it's just fiction. 1.2403 0.04022 154 122 27 5
2114 Addercadabra! 1.2403 0.04424 154 126 19 9
2115 Huh...I thought I took care of that problem 1.2403 0.04327 154 125 21 8
2116 Just read it one more time and I promise I'll go to sleep. 1.2403 0.04126 154 123 25 6
2117 You should have checked for a pulse, genius! 1.2403 0.03692 154 119 33 2
2118 Spoiler alert: He finally kills the serpent 1.2403 0.04228 154 124 23 7
2119 Read it already. Ending isn't very good. 1.2403 0.04228 154 124 23 7
2120 I watch you play with yourself 1.2402 0.03988 179 145 25 9
2121 So much for 'Quoth the raven.' 1.2402 0.03827 179 143 29 7
2122 Yes,I could use some company. 1.2402 0.03652 204 164 31 9
2123 Why do you keep drinking that White Zinfandel drek? 1.2400 0.04208 175 144 20 11
2124 We're gonna need more snails and puppy dog tails. 1.2400 0.04405 150 122 20 8
2125 Can you light the fire, my tails cold? 1.2400 0.03978 150 118 28 4
2126 What can I tell you? The Ghost of Christmas Past was double-booked. 1.2400 0.03967 175 141 26 8
2127 Let me entertain you—I gotta gimmick. 1.2400 0.04505 150 123 18 9
2128 Are you having another hissy fit? 1.2398 0.03854 171 136 29 6
2129 no longer a wall flower... 1.2398 0.04028 171 138 25 8
2130 It is not time. You slither out in chapter 12. 1.2398 0.04028 171 138 25 8
2131 Studying hisssstory? 1.2398 0.03854 171 136 29 6
2132 My BuzzFeed quiz said I'd be House Slytherin 1.2398 0.04277 171 141 19 11
2133 I've had enough of this. I'm going to call a taxidermist tomorrow. 1.2398 0.03576 171 133 35 3
2134 Has she mentioned me yet? 1.2398 0.04028 171 138 25 8
2135 And you look even more tasty than the deer. 1.2397 0.03925 146 114 29 3
2136 I’ve to get out and stretch to prevent atrophy. 1.2397 0.04380 146 118 21 7
2137 Now do you understand why Eve left you? 1.2397 0.04395 121 95 23 3
2138 your home decor SUCKS 1.2396 0.03942 192 157 24 11
2139 Memo to myself: Give taxidermist an unsatisfactory rating on Yelp. 1.2395 0.03818 167 132 30 5
2140 Fiction? 1.2395 0.03818 167 132 30 5
2141 Hisssstory? 1.2395 0.04179 167 136 22 9
2142 The fatal error in mounting a snake, was mounting more than the head. 1.2395 0.04092 167 135 24 8
2143 Hisssssssssstorical fiction? 1.2394 0.04348 142 114 22 6
2144 ’Scuse me, I’m looking for a woman named Eve. 1.2394 0.04112 142 112 26 4
2145 You might mention me on Yelp when you rate your taxidermist. 1.2394 0.04348 142 114 22 6
2146 Hey, how'd you like to curl up by the fire? 1.2394 0.03854 188 152 27 9
2147 I don't care what it says; I didn't tempt her. 1.2393 0.04159 163 132 23 8
2148 Thanks, but you know I prefer a nice Malbec. 1.2393 0.04249 163 133 21 9
2149 Not now, I'm reading. 1.2393 0.04159 163 132 23 8
2150 Thank you for keeping the fireplace decorative. 1.2391 0.04185 138 109 25 4
2151 I went from Queen of the Nagas to Queen of Jim’s Mantle 1.2391 0.04663 138 113 17 8
2152 You're reading "The Doors of Perception —Choose Your Own Adventure" edition. It'll all make sense after Part 2. 1.2390 0.04036 159 127 26 6
2153 Hey, wait until you get to the third chapter, it’ll curl you in a knot? 1.2390 0.04036 159 127 26 6
2154 Have another drink and you’ll see me with two heads! 1.2390 0.04502 159 132 16 11
2155 Wanna know how Cleopatra ends? 1.2388 0.04875 134 111 14 9
2156 Ough, Knausgård? So you need a little suspense, don't you? 1.2388 0.04127 134 105 26 3
2157 Taxidermy works much better on dead animals. 1.2388 0.04517 134 108 20 6
2158 Harold realizes he had been upsold on the "Wacky-Inflatable" option. 1.2387 0.04302 155 126 21 8
2159 have you seen my chapstick? 1.2387 0.04398 155 127 19 9
2160 There it is on page 97. "You must cut the snake's head off in order to render it lifeless." 1.2387 0.04102 155 124 25 6
2161 I am NOT a figment of your imagination! 1.2387 0.03671 155 120 33 2
2162 Lisssten! Thiss sstory accussiing the ssserpent is nonssenssse! 1.2387 0.03893 155 122 29 4
2163 Snake: You know I'm in that book Reader:Really? Snake:Yeah in the first chapter I tell some girl to eat an apple and she totally flips out 1.2386 0.04108 176 144 22 10
2164 Do you have some water, perchance? That fish was incredibly dry. 1.2386 0.03779 176 140 30 6
2165 You know,the apple is much easier,quicker,and tastier than a book. 1.2386 0.03779 176 140 30 6
2166 Don't worry I have the boosssster. 1.2385 0.04496 109 85 22 2
2167 Did you get to the part about the snake yet? It’s right in the beginning. 1.2385 0.04202 130 102 25 3
2168 You will now have a bigger trophy. Yum. 1.2384 0.04276 151 122 22 7
2169 Aren't you supposed to talk to Eve about this? 1.2384 0.04276 151 122 22 7
2170 You'll alwayssss be a Hufflepuff to me. 1.2384 0.03954 151 119 28 4
2171 What's it gonna take to light a fire under your asp? 1.2384 0.04276 151 122 22 7
2172 You know your behavior lately has really been off the wall. 1.2384 0.04172 151 121 24 6
2173 On next week's episode of "Loch Ness Munsters," Gomez shaves and there's something fishy going on. 1.2384 0.04007 172 139 25 8
2174 Eve wanted me to tell you she's baking an apple pie. 1.2384 0.04091 172 140 23 9
2175 I'm cold, light the fire 1.2384 0.03834 172 137 29 6
2176 Hi - so, two things: 1) that book is upside-down, and 2) the surgeon was pretty clear about not drinking alcohol after you've taken your painkillers. 1.2381 0.04459 147 120 19 8
2177 This has become unbearable. Please, tread on me. 1.2381 0.04070 168 136 24 8
2178 The vermouth sir, may I have a taste? 1.2381 0.03609 189 150 33 6
2179 Lies. All lies about Ssslytherin. 1.2381 0.03901 147 115 29 3
2180 Please tell my wife I say hi, she’s mounted in the dining room. 1.2379 0.03487 206 164 35 7
2181 You may want to consider “micro” dosing going forward . 1.2378 0.03657 185 147 32 6
2182 So, what am I in this tale -- a serpent or a snake? 1.2378 0.03737 185 148 30 7
2183 But ALL lawyers join Slytherin. 1.2378 0.03737 185 148 30 7
2184 This part has me constricted. 1.2378 0.04136 164 133 23 8
2185 I told you I was a snake before you let me in. 1.2378 0.04044 164 132 25 7
2186 How about a nice apple? 1.2378 0.03951 164 131 27 6
2187 Will you be my trophy husband? 1.2378 0.04206 143 114 24 5
2188 I love a good historical narrative. 1.2377 0.04664 122 98 19 5
2189 No..Go back to the previous Page... 1.2376 0.03948 181 147 25 9
2190 I know this is against typecast but I can really relate to House Hufflepuff. 1.2375 0.04205 160 130 22 8
2191 No, I wasn't dead, I was just. . .digesssting 1.2374 0.04282 139 111 23 5
2192 You should have paid closer attention in biology. 1.2373 0.03844 177 142 28 7
2193 So, is that deer just up for grabs? 1.2373 0.03844 177 142 28 7
2194 Gryffindor I presume? 1.2373 0.03760 177 141 30 6
2195 If you let that fat guy in the red suit slide down here again, I will have a hissy fit! 1.2373 0.04008 177 144 24 9
2196 That story about Cleopatra is not true. 1.2372 0.04277 156 127 21 8
2197 Can you light the fire? It's freezing in here... 1.2372 0.04079 156 125 25 6
2198 Do you want me to tell you why you are a snake? 1.2372 0.03871 156 123 29 4
2199 Casper's favorite part of the day--a good book by the fire, favorite after-dinner brandy and his boa constrictor. 1.2371 0.03694 194 156 30 8
2200 Personally, I find Dante much easier to digest in the original Italian. 1.2370 0.04233 135 107 24 4
2201 Go on. Have a ninth brandy. 1.2370 0.04362 135 108 22 5
2202 Hi, there. 1.2370 0.03963 135 105 28 2
2203 Believe in ghosts yet? 1.2370 0.03901 173 139 27 7
2204 Let’s choose the long story. 1.2370 0.03725 173 137 31 5
2205 You were expecting the ghost of Christmas past? 1.2370 0.04070 173 141 23 9
2206 In the beginning... 1.2370 0.03725 173 137 31 5
2207 Next time, leave the front door open. 1.2370 0.03814 173 138 29 6
2208 You know, hanging a snake on the wall is just poor taste." 1.2368 0.04147 152 122 24 6
2209 Remember not to light the fireplace. 1.2368 0.04352 152 124 20 8
2210 Siiilent bite..blah blah night. 1.2368 0.04643 152 127 14 11
2211 I love serum novels - when you get to the fork in the tongue, take it! 1.2368 0.04041 152 121 26 5
2212 Atlas Shrugged? Do you hate yourself or just women? 1.2368 0.03744 190 153 29 8
2213 Can you please read faster? I’m dying to find out what happens next. 1.2367 0.03870 169 135 28 6
2214 PAYBACK IS A BITCH 1.2367 0.03870 169 135 28 6
2215 I now regret taking poor old Thumper to the taxidermist. 1.2367 0.03778 169 134 30 5
2216 Oh I read this one, Dumbledore dies in the end. 1.2366 0.03946 186 152 24 10
2217 When will the taxidermist deliver the mongoose? 1.2365 0.04219 148 119 23 6
2218 If I were you, I'd skip Genesis chapter 3! 1.2365 0.03878 148 116 29 3
2219 Y'know, Kaa was based on my great uncle. 1.2365 0.04108 148 118 25 5
2220 Could you re-read me the one about the fall of man? 1.2365 0.04219 148 119 23 6
2221 Have a little patience! Just 3 more pages, then we can have dinner. 1.2365 0.03995 148 117 27 4
2222 Reading won't help you fall asleep tonight. 1.2364 0.04113 165 134 23 8
2223 Sure it’s almost dinner time, but doesn’t a slice of apple pie sound really good right now? 1.2364 0.03533 165 128 35 2
2224 I'm not trying to tempt you into anything. I just want to give you a nice long hug. 1.2364 0.03636 165 129 33 3
2225 Have you gotten to the part about me and the apple? 1.2364 0.04113 165 134 23 8
2226 Where's your bitch? 1.2364 0.04202 165 135 21 9
2227 You get what you pay for. 1.2363 0.03771 182 146 29 7
2228 It only looks like a plaque. It's actually a glory hole and I'm your neighbor Richard. 1.2361 0.04062 144 114 26 4
2229 can you move it a little to the left? 1.2361 0.03940 144 113 28 3
2230 It's boring playing trophy snake! 1.2360 0.03791 161 127 30 4
2231 what goes around comes around 1.2360 0.03825 178 143 28 7
2232 You promised to return me to Borneo. When?? 1.2357 0.04373 140 113 21 6
2233 The story of Moby Dick is pretty benign as compared to what I'm about to do. 1.2357 0.04347 157 129 19 9
2234 As a taxidermist,you suck! 1.2357 0.03849 157 124 29 4
2235 Howsssssss the book? 1.2357 0.03953 157 125 27 5
2236 Excuse me. Does someone named Eve live here? 1.2357 0.03953 157 125 27 5
2237 Mind if I have a sssssip of your wine? 1.2356 0.03966 174 141 25 8
2238 Hubrissss... 1.2356 0.04049 174 142 23 9
2239 Read that last paragraph again. 1.2356 0.03576 191 152 33 6
2240 You know I really hate being a trophy snake! 1.2356 0.03652 191 153 31 7
2241 They told me that you were my Central Vacuum Hose ! 1.2353 0.04577 136 111 18 7
2242 Want to know the end of the story? 1.2353 0.04226 153 124 22 7
2243 Take me to the river... drop me in the water 1.2353 0.03938 136 106 28 2
2244 Hey, can I borrow the car again? 1.2353 0.04123 153 123 24 6
2245 Go on, you know you want an Apple iphone! 1.2353 0.03940 170 137 26 7
2246 Just to give you a heads up, I thought I’d slip out for a little night cap” 1.2353 0.04226 153 124 22 7
2247 I've decided my species is only the world's second most vile. 1.2353 0.04226 153 124 22 7
2248 The deer head is out for cleaning. 1.2353 0.03759 170 135 30 5
2249 I want to speak with my lawyer. 1.2353 0.03909 153 121 28 4
2250 May I have a sip? 1.2350 0.03589 183 145 33 5
2251 Sure, I'll turn the pages for you. 1.2350 0.03504 183 144 35 4
2252 Can you ssspare a sssip of your sssyrah? 1.2349 0.03908 166 133 27 6
2253 You should have cut off my head 1.2349 0.03814 166 132 29 5
2254 No, it's not time.for walk. 1.2349 0.04001 166 134 25 7
2255 I'll have a snakebite. 1.2349 0.04266 166 137 19 10
2256 Can you light the fire? I'm cold-blooded. 1.2349 0.04001 166 134 25 7
2257 Reading William Snakespeare? 1.2349 0.04091 166 135 23 8
2258 Don't look at me! I anaconda asp you again! 1.2349 0.04606 149 124 15 10
2259 Don’t mind me, I love a good hissssstorical fiction novel. 1.2349 0.04193 149 120 23 6
2260 Ok, it's mambo with an 'o', but the offer still stands. 1.2349 0.04084 149 119 25 5
2261 Can I please enjoy a quiet night in without being tempted by a serpent? 1.2349 0.04193 149 120 23 6
2262 My heart just isn’t in interior design. 1.2346 0.03967 179 146 24 9
2263 Mind if I join you? 1.2346 0.03806 179 144 28 7
2264 Hi, I'm your new alumni coordinator from House Slytherin 1.2346 0.04158 162 132 22 8
2265 That bible you're reading got me all wrong. Let's just say that the Garden of Eden was not a good fit for your ancestors. 1.2346 0.03969 162 130 26 6
2266 Would you rather I use the toilet? 1.2345 0.04037 145 115 26 4
2267 Now we know why that taxidermist just vanished! 1.2345 0.04154 145 116 24 5
2268 I was not expecting THIS Amazon delivery 1.2345 0.04154 145 116 24 5
2269 I should have never mounted you. 1.2345 0.03792 145 113 30 2
2270 Would you please light the fire. It's December. 1.2345 0.04268 145 117 22 6
2271 Today only. Eden. Round trip, $198. One way, two trillion. 1.2343 0.03687 175 139 31 5
2272 Are you reading “The Snake Pit?” 1.2343 0.03775 175 140 29 6
2273 When will your drink arrive? 1.2343 0.04108 175 144 21 10
2274 Wouldn't that be easier with an Apple? 1.2343 0.03861 175 141 27 7
2275 sssorry, backsssseat reader 1.2343 0.04187 175 145 19 11
2276 I told you that I ate all the apples 1.2343 0.04108 175 144 21 10
2277 Light the fire now, Dave. Santa should be here any minute. 1.2342 0.03931 158 126 27 5
2278 Really adam, you thought that would shut me up... 1.2342 0.03931 158 126 27 5
2279 Aren't you insulted that the author uses SNAKE as a metaphor for the sleazy character? 1.2342 0.03931 158 126 27 5
2280 One more time to impress your friends, I'm a serpent not a snake. And you got me with a harpoon, not a hoe. 1.2342 0.04032 158 127 25 6
2281 Weirdly, there is now a live python where the dead trophy was. 1.2340 0.03606 188 150 32 6
2282 Hey, can you get the fire going? You know I’m cold-blooded. 1.2340 0.03851 141 110 29 2
2283 Remember me? I am the Burmese python you brought home from Asia and I just ate your moosehead 1.2340 0.04227 141 113 23 5
2284 Have you got an apple? 1.2340 0.04051 188 156 20 12
2285 Are you reading hissssssssssssstory? 1.2340 0.03606 188 150 32 6
2286 I need to requessssst off next week. I’m touring with Britney. 1.2339 0.03919 171 138 26 7
2287 You'd save a lot of money if you switch to fake logs. 1.2339 0.03830 171 137 28 6
2288 I read the plot, you're not going to like it. 1.2338 0.04201 154 125 22 7
2289 Is that an apple wine, Adam? 1.2338 0.04099 154 124 24 6
2290 I should have put a deer ? up on the wall instead. 1.2338 0.04099 154 124 24 6
2291 How long did you think that stuffed rabbit was safe there on the wall? 1.2338 0.03994 154 123 26 5
2292 He who laughs last... 1.2338 0.03886 154 122 28 4
2293 Skip the first part, with the apple. It's just useless prologue. 1.2338 0.04099 154 124 24 6
2294 Thank You for turning the page, Sidney. You can go now 1.2338 0.03886 154 122 28 4
2295 Please light a fire. My blood has run cold. 1.2338 0.04099 154 124 24 6
2296 Can you read me a bedtime story? 1.2337 0.03654 184 147 31 6
2297 You think that talking fish was Meta…. 1.2337 0.03734 184 148 29 7
2298 The last chapter is a real killer." 1.2337 0.03572 184 146 33 5
2299 Remember, I symbolize rebirth and renewal. 1.2336 0.04428 137 111 20 6
2300 I find you very charming. 1.2336 0.04428 137 111 20 6
2301 Psst! Wanna know a Secret? 1.2333 0.03868 180 146 26 8
2302 You should have hired a reputable taxidermist, too bad you won't get to read the rest of that book - but I will be providing the surprise ending anyway! 1.2333 0.03619 180 143 32 5
2303 Serpent the rich. 1.2333 0.04168 150 121 23 6
2304 Forget books. Try an Apple. 1.2333 0.04378 150 123 19 8
2305 Still think only salamanders can regenerate their tails? 1.2332 0.03692 193 156 29 8
2306 Never trust a flea market. 1.2331 0.03947 163 131 26 6
2307 Just so you know, if I clean that chimney flue and snake out the toilets and dryer vent, I won't do it for scale. You're just not that charming. 1.2331 0.03750 163 129 30 4
2308 You really should check out The Book Of Knowledge 1.2331 0.04639 133 109 17 7
2309 So are you a bookworm? Because I am serpent-ly not! 1.2331 0.04386 133 107 21 5
2310 My mistake, you aren’t Harry Potter. 1.2330 0.03841 176 142 27 7
2311 I love the Harry Potter sssseries, too! 1.2329 0.03893 146 115 28 3
2312 What a nice tale you have. 1.2329 0.03893 146 115 28 3
2313 Do you know what else is best served cold? 1.2329 0.04241 146 118 22 6
2314 the thing that wraps me 1.2329 0.04241 146 118 22 6
2315 I’m sick and tired of “tying the room together.” 1.2327 0.04108 159 129 23 7
2316 Dudley had never considered that Pyrophobia would impact his ability to lead a normal life 1.2327 0.04010 159 128 25 6
2317 William thought he had hunted down and mounted an ordinary can of mixed nuts. 1.2327 0.04108 159 129 23 7
2318 You need new glasses! I’m a murmuring serpent, not a murdering pervert. 1.2327 0.03909 159 127 27 5
2319 PORN WON'T WORK. EAT THE APPLE TO INCREASE YOUR LUST. 1.2327 0.04010 159 128 25 6
2320 You had to get fancy. I told you that the moose would have been a better choice. 1.2327 0.03909 159 127 27 5
2321 The Old Testament is better. 1.2327 0.03909 159 127 27 5
2322 May I speak to Eve, please? 1.2327 0.03649 202 164 29 9
2323 I am the serpent of trophies past. 1.2326 0.03898 172 139 26 7
2324 Firssst, I’ll have a Hennesssey…with a sssstraw. Sssecond, that hole in the wall is too damn sssmall. I have rightssss, you know. I’m nobody’ssss trophy sssnake. 1.2326 0.04606 129 105 18 6
2325 But your birth certificate says "Eve, female"! 1.2324 0.04080 142 113 25 4
2326 SSSSorry I sssspaced out, can you turn back a page. 1.2324 0.04318 142 115 21 6
2327 I lived, bitch. 1.2324 0.04432 142 116 19 7
2328 I appear in the next chapter and shortly after you will read that you disappear. 1.2323 0.03971 155 124 26 5
2329 You don't believe all that hooey in the Bible do you? 1.2323 0.04177 155 126 22 7
2330 Would you mind if I have friends over tomorrow and we trade places? 1.2323 0.03864 155 123 28 4
2331 Wouldn't you rather be reading that on your Apple device? 1.2323 0.03864 155 123 28 4
2332 Good thing I didn’t pay the mumifiers’ bill 1.2321 0.04047 168 137 23 8
2333 No more ED medicine for you. 1.2321 0.03867 168 135 27 6
2334 Ok, Mr.-giggles-while-reading, I'll bite. What's so hisssssss-terical? 1.2321 0.04219 168 139 19 10
2335 The cobra did it. 1.2320 0.04271 125 99 23 3
2336 Ooh…are you reading Thomas Mauet’s Trial Techniques? 1.2319 0.04633 138 114 16 8
2337 A friendly reminder—my last meal was your taxidermist. 1.2318 0.04144 151 122 23 6
2338 You, like that book, are HISSSSSSSSSSSSStory! 1.2318 0.04144 151 122 23 6
2339 Gotta light? 1.2317 0.03926 164 132 26 6
2340 Are you drinking snake oil ? 1.2316 0.03905 177 144 25 8
2341 Hey buddy, it's too hot for me above the fireplace 1.2315 0.03496 203 163 33 7
2342 Quoth the Boa "nevermore" 1.2313 0.04607 134 110 17 7
2343 Have you reached the chapter about how we can regenerate ourselves yet? 1.2313 0.04226 134 107 23 4
2344 You should have the apple pie. 1.2313 0.04357 134 108 21 5
2345 Where's your phone? 1.2313 0.04324 147 120 20 7
2346 About that 'I bagged that one last year' comment, I'd like to have a little word with you..." 1.2313 0.04215 147 119 22 6
2347 Next time, look for a pulse. 1.2313 0.04215 147 119 22 6
2348 Wanna see my tail? 1.2313 0.04324 147 120 20 7
2349 You should try the audiobook. 1.2313 0.03870 147 116 28 3
2350 Sorry, which way to the garden? 1.2313 0.04103 147 118 24 5
2351 Capote had no right to bring us into it. 1.2312 0.04085 160 130 23 7
2352 The guy next door picked tails 1.2312 0.03987 160 129 25 6
2353 If my wife asks tell her I’m getting stuffed. 1.2312 0.03887 160 128 27 5
2354 Not the story about humans, it'll give me nightmares. 1.2312 0.04180 160 131 21 8
2355 Look who has the snake eyes NOW? 1.2308 0.04174 143 115 23 5
2356 Oh sure, but it’s ok to have a trophy WIFE” 1.2308 0.03658 169 134 31 4
2357 So glad to be out of that thrift shop. 1.2308 0.04055 143 114 25 4
2358 I ate the head, where's the rest? 1.2308 0.04174 143 115 23 5
2359 Haven't heard from that taxidermist friend of yours for some time, have you? 1.2308 0.04052 156 126 24 6
2360 Maybe I shouldn't have booked a stay in the Slytherin Suite. 1.2308 0.03931 143 113 27 3
2361 I need to stop reading these Harry Potter books. 1.2308 0.04196 169 140 19 10
2362 Read me a scary bedtime story. 1.2308 0.03842 156 124 28 4
2363 I know I'm a cold blooded reptile, but I'm freezing up here. Could you please light the fire! 1.2308 0.03937 169 137 25 7
2364 I remember this one. You've read it already... 1.2308 0.03937 169 137 25 7
2365 You know, hisssstory repeats itself… 1.2308 0.03667 182 146 30 6
2366 You hate me reading over your shoulder? Well, I hate that all your books have women named Eve. 1.2308 0.03985 182 150 22 10
2367 Could we squeeze some time in to eat? 1.2303 0.03632 178 142 31 5
2368 I'm hoping to get stuffed 1.2303 0.04179 165 136 20 9
2369 Sucking you in? 1.2303 0.03904 165 133 26 6
2370 I need some help. My tail's in a twist. 1.2303 0.03808 165 132 28 5
2371 Sssssssidney ... that sssssstory ssssssssuckssssssss 1.2303 0.03904 165 133 26 6
2372 Voldemort hanging out with his horcruxes. 1.2303 0.03808 165 132 28 5
2373 Gardens are soooo yesterday! 1.2303 0.04012 152 122 25 5
2374 The moose was a bit gamey and I'm still hungry. 1.2303 0.03672 152 119 31 2
2375 Has the acid I slipped into your drink kicked in yet? 1.2303 0.04012 152 122 25 5
2376 That's a hell of a book worm 1.2302 0.04488 139 114 18 7
2377 . . .and all through the house, not a creature was stirring,. . . 1.2302 0.03996 139 110 26 3
2378 I doubt that you’ll be as proud of your wild life trophies if you wake up tomorrow 1.2302 0.03996 139 110 26 3
2379 You really shouldn’t have lied about her eating the apple first. 1.2302 0.04668 126 103 17 6
2380 The plot is thickening! 1.2299 0.03521 187 149 33 5
2381 Let's face it, I'm never going to be your passive trophy. 1.2299 0.03601 187 150 31 6
2382 The snakes of your past always find a way back to you... 1.2299 0.03680 187 151 29 7
2383 That was delicious! 1.2299 0.03590 174 138 32 4
2384 Take me to the river 1.2299 0.03858 174 141 26 7
2385 Hissss-torical fiction? 1.2298 0.04062 161 131 23 7
2386 Safari, so good? I think not. 1.2298 0.03965 161 130 25 6
2387 You thought your book is as exciting as your life could get! 1.2298 0.03764 161 128 29 4
2388 I promise to go back to sleep if you read me the part about the apple again. Ple-e-ease! 1.2298 0.04249 161 133 19 9
2389 Do you really think I speak with a lisp? 1.2297 0.03846 148 117 28 3
2390 Do you want to play squeeze, I'm so huggable. 1.2297 0.04078 148 119 24 5
2391 You know I prefer Cabernet. 1.2297 0.03846 148 117 28 3
2392 This has to be fiction. “Live Serpent in the Reading Room” is unbelievable. 1.2297 0.04298 148 121 20 7
2393 Have you seen Eve? 1.2297 0.03846 148 117 28 3
2394 Don't bother me right now; I'm reading The Art of the Deal. 1.2297 0.03491 209 169 32 8
2395 Isn't it time you bagged a trophy wife? 1.2296 0.04695 135 112 15 8
2396 Favor please Cavendish. Hereafter, only dehorned trophy beasts. 1.2296 0.04198 135 108 23 4
2397 Remember me Big Shot? 1.2294 0.04004 170 139 23 8
2398 Would you like to come work for my social media company? 1.2293 0.03820 157 125 28 4
2399 You think this is a dream? 1.2293 0.04028 157 127 24 6
2400 I am trying to expand my mind. 1.2292 0.04148 144 116 23 5
2401 Pssssssst. Which way to the toilet? 1.2292 0.04030 144 115 25 4
2402 Snakes on Plaques 1.2291 0.03700 179 144 29 6
2403 you don't want to try and help the neighbors next door. You really don't. 1.2291 0.03614 179 143 31 5
2404 What do you have to say now, mister Great White Hunter? 1.2291 0.03783 179 145 27 7
2405 Did I overhear you saying you were going to snake a drain? Who with? Is she cute? 1.2290 0.04411 131 106 20 5
2406 Hellloooo Adam. Been a while. 1.2289 0.03883 166 134 26 6
2407 Okay fine, once upon a time there were snakes on a plane. 1.2289 0.03590 166 131 32 3
2408 *Hiss* "So, you're thinking of canceling your subscription?" 1.2289 0.04067 166 136 22 8
2409 You know, me & Monty go way back. 1.2288 0.04095 153 124 23 6
2410 Turn the page, or you'll be sorry! 1.2288 0.04300 153 126 19 8
2411 What would result in his demise, in 1732 Sir Edward the Dimwitted installed the first and only snake-a-phone. 1.2288 0.03767 153 121 29 3
2412 Be advised,this is not a virtual meetup, consider this a zooming in. 1.2287 0.03740 188 153 27 8
2413 Got any apples Adam? 1.2287 0.03504 188 150 33 5
2414 4D books improve your reading experiences, but maybe "the most deadly snake" is not a wise choice. 1.2286 0.03663 175 140 30 5
2415 You should have known that that moose you shot would have worms. 1.2284 0.03943 162 131 25 6
2416 I have a pretty exciting opportunity to share with you. I’ve been making over 2k a month just selling apples from the comfort of my own home… 1.2284 0.03533 162 127 33 2
2417 Still looking for Fluff-Fluff? 1.2284 0.04314 162 135 17 10
2418 The gazelle was just an appetizer 1.2284 0.04039 162 132 23 7
2419 I may be mounted like a Moose, but I remain forever Serpentine. 1.2284 0.04039 162 132 23 7
2420 Let’s watch Christmas movies! 1.2283 0.03792 184 150 26 8
2421 Choose another vegetable. Most people don’t like cauliflower. 1.2283 0.03792 184 150 26 8
2422 Thanks, I'm also tired of the mousse. 1.2281 0.03714 171 137 29 5
2423 Know any good taxidermists? 1.2279 0.04171 136 109 23 4
2424 You wouldn't be related to an Eve, would you? 1.2279 0.04299 136 110 21 5
2425 May we read anyone but Jonathan Franzen? 1.2278 0.03799 158 126 28 4
2426 If you’re looking for Eve, she’s not here. 1.2278 0.04105 158 129 22 7
2427 After this, will you please go to sleep. 1.2278 0.03846 180 147 25 8
2428 Byte the Apple. 1.2276 0.04564 145 121 15 9
2429 Rikki-Tikki-Tavi? Really? 1.2276 0.04123 145 117 23 5
2430 Whatever was on that wall was like your martinis - too dry and best swallowed in one gulp. 1.2276 0.03883 145 115 27 3
2431 Let's unwind by the fire, right now. 1.2276 0.04123 145 117 23 5
2432 Psst! Don’t skip over Genesis; I do some of my best work there. 1.2276 0.03758 145 114 29 2
2433 I’m not asking you to eat an apple but you could at least go on Facebook to give me a chance. 1.2275 0.03671 167 133 30 4
2434 Are you reading about that Adam & Eve again????? 1.2275 0.03955 167 136 24 7
2435 A deal’s a deal. Your turn. 1.2275 0.03768 167 134 28 5
2436 I'm noticing that you are trying to tell me something 1.2275 0.03722 189 154 27 8
2437 What are you reading? A Farewell to Armsssssss? 1.2275 0.03322 189 149 37 3
2438 You missed. 1.2273 0.03745 154 122 29 3
2439 Just think: with an Apple you could have all knowledge at your fingertips. 1.2273 0.04071 154 125 23 6
2440 You light that fire and it will combe back and bite you. 1.2273 0.03463 198 159 33 6
2441 Read me the story again about when the devil made me lie to Eve 1.2273 0.04174 154 126 21 7
2442 Ssso you thought I was ssstuffed thisss whole time? 1.2273 0.04174 154 126 21 7
2443 T’wasssssss the night before Chrisssssssssstmasssssssss and all through the houssssssssse not a creature wassssss sssssstirring not even a moussssssse — oh yum!! 1.2273 0.04246 132 106 22 4
2444 Don't you find me just a WEE bit ss-ss-seductive? 1.2273 0.03818 176 143 26 7
2445 Is that an Appletini I see? 1.2273 0.03644 176 141 30 5
2446 It's time to abandon the wall and run for office..can I count on your support? 1.2273 0.04174 154 126 21 7
2447 Can you light the fire? My ass is cold. 1.2273 0.04071 154 125 23 6
2448 Check the numbers under 'W' for wall insulation companies, please. 1.2270 0.03850 185 152 24 9
2449 Steve! I'm cold-blooded, remember? Time to light my fire. 1.2270 0.03850 185 152 24 9
2450 I’d say “the butler did it,” but he hasn’t dusted me off in years. 1.2270 0.04314 141 115 20 6
2451 Whose the trophy now. 1.2270 0.04195 141 114 22 5
2452 Not Slytherin, eh? Are you sure? 1.2270 0.04543 141 117 16 8
2453 That's not the book I would have chosen if I could read. 1.2268 0.03506 194 156 32 6
2454 You must be Adam . . . see you in court fool! 1.2267 0.03786 172 139 27 6
2455 I'm a trophy tapeworm... 1.2267 0.03875 172 140 25 7
2456 There’s nothing on TV. 1.2267 0.03506 172 136 33 3
2457 I couldn’t find my glasses. 1.2267 0.03602 172 137 31 4
2458 Take a bite out of Apple’s net worth. Sssssell your sssshares. 1.2267 0.04350 150 124 18 8
2459 Like a Play-Doh fun factory. 1.2267 0.04452 150 125 16 9
2460 Come on, you knew I would never be content with just one rib. 1.2266 0.04182 128 102 23 3
2461 I can fix you up with a knock out date. 1.2264 0.04081 159 130 22 7
2462 Could you turn the heat on? 1.2264 0.03983 159 129 24 6
2463 Ssssooo, whissssky with your meds, eh 1.2264 0.04178 159 131 20 8
2464 Hey Gary, what are you reading, sssssssstories? 1.2264 0.04178 159 131 20 8
2465 “Well, at least we got him out of the toilet… That was a disaster!” 1.2264 0.03882 159 128 26 5
2466 You wanted a trophy bride. 1.2264 0.04081 159 130 22 7
2467 Your logs are much too big for your fireplace and I have no idea how your end table is even staying upright 1.2263 0.03551 190 153 31 6
2468 I traded with the deer head. 1.2262 0.03842 168 136 26 6
2469 Who's laughing now? 1.2262 0.03933 168 137 24 7
2470 The folks on the other side of the wall don’t like it when I have to pee. 1.2262 0.04023 168 138 22 8
2471 That’s my favorite part, where he gives Eve the apple. 1.2260 0.04097 146 118 23 5
2472 Yeah, remember me? You wanted a swamp critter? Now, what you gonna do? 1.2260 0.04535 146 122 15 9
2473 Easy George, you'll be wrapped up with your book. 1.2260 0.03626 177 142 30 5
2474 Next time you'll be more discerning about your trophies! 1.2260 0.03799 177 144 26 7
2475 How's the Harry Potter novel? 1.2258 0.03834 155 124 27 4
2476 Love your leadership style, fire them all by zoom just before the holiday 1.2258 0.04249 155 128 19 8
2477 That fire ain't gonna light itself... 1.2258 0.03834 155 124 27 4
2478 Is that The Complete Sherlock Holmes you’re reading? You might want to skip the one about the Speckled Band. 1.2258 0.04047 155 126 23 6
2479 You said you heard rattling coming from the chimney? 1.2258 0.03834 155 124 27 4
2480 Sssssssssssssssssso, you thought you killed me, guessssssssss again 1.2256 0.03638 195 159 28 8
2481 Call me Issssssssshmael. 1.2256 0.03803 164 132 27 5
2482 I never imagined Eve eating the apple would lead to this. 1.2256 0.04351 133 108 20 5
2483 They got that story all wrong I live in crawl spaces not trees 1.2255 0.03599 204 167 28 9
2484 I can't sleep. Read the part about Eve and the apple again. 1.2255 0.03531 204 166 30 8
2485 Boo! 1.2254 0.03676 173 139 29 5
2486 I need to call my taxidermist. 1.2254 0.03676 173 139 29 5
2487 See? You just NEVER know. 1.2254 0.03854 173 141 25 7
2488 Don’t worry, be happy. 1.2253 0.03964 182 151 21 10
2489 Keep reading--I bet Eve ate that apple. 1.2252 0.04715 151 129 10 12
2490 Do you mind if I take a sip? I’ve been plastered on your dry wall for quite awhile. 1.2252 0.04006 151 122 24 5
2491 So many books, sssssso little time. 1.2252 0.04114 151 123 22 6
2492 Is it hisstory or a mysstery? 1.2252 0.04006 151 122 24 5
2493 The Boa Trophy stalks another victim. 1.2250 0.04154 160 132 20 8
2494 You must know we regenerate! 1.2250 0.03860 160 129 26 5
2495 I’m looking forward to our final reunion. 1.2249 0.04001 169 139 22 8
2496 Have a sip of apple brandy ... 1.2249 0.03821 169 137 26 6
2497 Epssssssssstein didn’t kill himsssssssssself 1.2247 0.03863 178 146 24 8
2498 I want to warn you, the story ending is a real tearjerker." Shirley Nishimura, Seattle, W 1.2247 0.03863 178 146 24 8
2499 Where is she? I have a very nice apple I want to give her. 1.2246 0.04243 138 112 21 5
2500 Season two of Tiger King. What do you say?" 1.2246 0.03888 187 155 22 10
2501 ????? 1.2245 0.04295 147 121 19 7
2502 That deer head was dry. Time for some liquid. 1.2245 0.03956 147 118 25 4
2503 Mind if I have a sssssip if your Chardonnay? 1.2245 0.03621 196 160 28 8
2504 I'm looking for a Great Reed. 1.2245 0.03548 196 159 30 7
2505 Read me a story about Fox. 1.2245 0.03837 147 117 27 3
2506 Don't worry, your favorite character definitely sssssurvives... I promissssse... 1.2244 0.03920 156 126 25 5
2507 Can you read me the one about the Garden of Eden again? 1.2244 0.04024 156 127 23 6
2508 Sorry, didn't mean to startle you, but just to weigh in on your out-loud musing from earlier ... yes, I'm pretty sure Dave Grohl wrote it all himself. 1.2244 0.04024 156 127 23 6
2509 Why are you annoyed? It's National Bible Week. 1.2242 0.03782 165 133 27 5
2510 I’m gonna need that belt back. 1.2242 0.03878 165 134 25 6
2511 Mind if I have a ssssssip? 1.2241 0.03471 174 138 33 3
2512 How about a refill on your appletini? 1.2241 0.03657 174 140 29 5
2513 I see you're reading my forbidden fruit. 1.2240 0.03279 183 144 37 2
2514 In the Big Apple you will find bigger knowledge of good and evil 1.2239 0.04574 134 111 16 7
2515 Seriously?! Another Sam Harris book? 1.2239 0.04322 134 109 20 5
2516 NOW WHAT? 1.2239 0.04190 134 108 22 4
2517 sssit back, relaxsss... and enjoy the sssilky ssmooth sssound of sssnake jazzSS: s-s-sss, s-s-sss, s-s-sss 1.2238 0.04021 143 115 24 4
2518 I must say, that venison was very dry, Alistair dear. 1.2238 0.04259 143 117 20 6
2519 The Jungle Book again? Try something realistic for a change. 1.2238 0.04593 143 120 14 9
2520 Lose the book before my dinner. 1.2237 0.03871 152 122 26 4
2521 Perhaps I'm part of the reason your alone Andrew. 1.2237 0.03871 152 122 26 4
2522 Hey, Capn - What's the price of your soul today? How about a bright red shiny Lamborghini? 1.2237 0.04090 152 124 22 6
2523 The part about Slytherin is completely biased. 1.2236 0.03736 161 129 28 4
2524 I'm actually an ouroboros. Could you drill another hole? 1.2236 0.03838 161 130 26 5
2525 For the last time, Serpant, I'd prefer to drink my fruit rather than eat it off a tree. 1.2236 0.04035 161 132 22 7
2526 How lucky! That book is printed on paper made from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil. 1.2236 0.04223 161 134 18 9
2527 You forgot to kill me before mounting me, prepare to die. 1.2236 0.04223 161 134 18 9
2528 I knew I should have gone with the more expensive taxidermist 1.2235 0.04066 170 141 20 9
2529 Unless you're secretly a wizard from the house of Slytherin, this isn't going to end well for you. 1.2235 0.03761 179 146 26 7
2530 I know you are a Parselmouth. Please read to me, I am very bored. 1.2234 0.03399 188 150 34 4
2531 Another Friday night and you are still here. 1.2231 0.04667 130 108 15 7
2532 There's someone at the door. 1.2230 0.04048 148 120 23 5
2533 Make no sudden page turning moves or the book will poison your mind. 1.2230 0.04375 148 123 17 8
2534 You're turning the pages too slow. 1.2230 0.03814 148 118 27 3
2535 Do you know what I did to your taxidermist? 1.2229 0.04001 157 128 23 6
2536 I am the ghost of Safari Past. 1.2229 0.04001 157 128 23 6
2537 I see you're reading the Bible. Check Genesis 3 to see why I get blamed for everything bad. 1.2229 0.03791 157 126 27 4
2538 Forget what that says. Let me show you how cuddly we can be. 1.2229 0.04001 157 128 23 6
2539 And you think YOUR skin gets dry and scaly in the winter? 1.2229 0.03761 166 134 27 5
2540 Can you wait a minute, I'm just getting to the good part 1.2229 0.03761 166 134 27 5
2541 It took me a while Adam, but then you know what they say about revenge. 1.2229 0.03951 166 136 23 7
2542 Uh-what happened to the moose head? 1.2229 0.03761 166 134 27 5
2543 Is that Apple juice? 1.2229 0.03663 166 133 29 4
2544 I really am a rattlesnake! 1.2229 0.03458 166 131 33 2
2545 You got buns, hun? 1.2229 0.03761 166 134 27 5
2546 I thought the movie was better. 1.2222 0.04170 153 126 20 7
2547 Re-thinking the whole “who needs a fire tonite”? 1.2222 0.03916 162 132 24 6
2548 Eve said to put down the g-d damned book... 1.2222 0.04293 135 110 20 5
2549 SPROING! 1.2222 0.04290 162 136 16 10
2550 Just want to make sure you're paying your bills. We don't want another fireplace incident. 1.2222 0.03959 153 124 24 5
2551 The moment Harry realized there were 8 horcruxes. 1.2222 0.03781 171 139 26 6
2552 He dies in Venice. 1.2222 0.03871 171 140 24 7
2553 I’ve been waiting for your imagination to run wild. 1.2222 0.04631 126 104 16 6
2554 Didn't anyone ever tell you that those who hire cut-rate taxidermists ultimately pay the price? 1.2222 0.03996 144 116 24 4
2555 Can I interest you in another apple? 1.2222 0.03546 189 153 30 6
2556 Pleasssssure to meet you, I'm sssssssure. 1.2222 0.04456 144 120 16 8
2557 May I remind you? I was promised a very nice room of my own! 1.2222 0.04272 153 127 18 8
2558 Pardon me, sir, but you're sitting in my chair. 1.2222 0.03658 180 146 28 6
2559 Think your friends were impressed admiring me on a plaque - just wait until they see me LIVE! 1.2222 0.03873 144 115 26 3
2560 St. Nick is held up on a barge in the Pacific Ocean....so you get me this year..."Snake-A-Claus." 1.2222 0.04107 162 134 20 8
2561 Light the fire and get naked! 1.2222 0.03742 180 147 26 7
2562 Not quite who you were expecting? 1.2222 0.03781 171 139 26 6
2563 That book is off the wall. 1.2222 0.04045 171 142 20 9
2564 Sssssso, care to ssssshare your thoughtsssss on this week'sssss assssssignment Professssssor? Thankssssss. 1.2222 0.03594 171 137 30 4
2565 Looks cozy. Mind if I… slither in? 1.2222 0.03916 162 132 24 6
2566 This time let me read what the raven says. 1.2222 0.04066 153 125 22 6
2567 Wow, I can't believe you were playing dead all these years. 1.2216 0.03635 194 159 27 8
2568 I couldn't help but notice you're annotating 'Ulysses.' " 1.2216 0.03635 194 159 27 8
2569 I was confused when you cut off my tail. 1.2216 0.03529 176 141 31 4
2570 Pssst, that Eve and apple story is coming back to bite us. 1.2216 0.03795 176 144 25 7
2571 Hey dude, got a match? 1.2216 0.03644 167 134 29 4
2572 Godammit! I specifically asked for a living room without a glory hole. 1.2216 0.03929 167 137 23 7
2573 Do you think the butler did it? 1.2215 0.03661 158 126 29 3
2574 Could you light the fire as it's getting chilly in here! 1.2215 0.03875 158 128 25 5
2575 It's going to be a little hot living above the fireplace 1.2215 0.03875 158 128 25 5
2576 Is it because you are related to Adam? It was Eve's fault... 1.2215 0.03875 158 128 25 5
2577 Let me help you get wrapped up in your book. 1.2215 0.03769 158 127 27 4
2578 I've read that before. 1.2215 0.04175 158 131 19 8
2579 Could I have my back rub Early tonight? 1.2215 0.04175 158 131 19 8
2580 Memories that come back to haunt you when you least expect them!!! 1.2215 0.04023 149 121 23 5
2581 Wanna play dead again? 1.2215 0.04023 149 121 23 5
2582 Jussst keep telling yourssself Freud wasss wrong. That'sss it. 1.2215 0.04134 149 122 21 6
2583 Don't worry, I do a great fish impression. 1.2215 0.03909 149 120 25 4
2584 Haven't you learned yet not to trust a forked tongue? 1.2215 0.04023 149 121 23 5
2585 Thanks to me the termites are gone! 1.2215 0.03909 149 120 25 4
2586 I can’t read, but sssome of my favorite moviesss are Tremorsss, Love at Firssst Bite, and Sssplendor in the Grasss 1.2215 0.03909 149 120 25 4
2587 One heck of a staring contest. 1.2215 0.04134 149 122 21 6
2588 Okay,okay,just ONE more bedtime story." 1.2215 0.04023 149 121 23 5
2589 I may not be able to hang next Friday. 1.2214 0.04064 140 113 23 4
2590 I made a deal with your taxidermist,but didn’t keep my word! 1.2214 0.04064 140 113 23 4
2591 It’sssssss pronounced ‘serpenTEEN’ not ‘serpenTYNE’. 1.2214 0.03935 140 112 25 3
2592 It is a little late to read up on how to mount a snake 1.2214 0.03935 140 112 25 3
2593 Psst! Don't get too wound up in it. 1.2214 0.04309 140 115 19 6
2594 Books, books, books! Don't you love me anymore? 1.2214 0.04374 131 107 19 5
2595 That wouldn't be the Book of Genesis by any chance, would it? The part about the apple never gets old. 1.2214 0.04238 131 106 21 4
2596 You make a good point. It's hard to figure where my neck ends. 1.2213 0.04279 122 98 21 3
2597 Readings in hisstory. 1.2209 0.03670 172 139 28 5
2598 What have you done with Eve? 1.2209 0.03894 163 133 24 6
2599 HAVE YOU SEEN A MOUSE RUN BY? 1.2209 0.03990 163 134 22 7
2600 Eve said it's fine to have the apple pie. 1.2209 0.03894 163 133 24 6
2601 I asked for a taxidermist. I got a ventriloquist. 1.2209 0.03894 163 133 24 6
2602 Who do you think did it? 1.2208 0.04247 154 128 18 8
2603 Thanks for being a ‘vegan’ trophy hunter! 1.2208 0.04146 154 127 20 7
2604 Time to get wrapped up in a good book? 1.2208 0.03714 154 123 28 3
2605 Should’ve stuck with a deer head 1.2207 0.03723 145 115 28 2
2606 You've now got a trophy-pig-in-the-python problem..... 1.2207 0.04428 145 121 16 8
2607 Keep reading, I wass lisstening 1.2207 0.04206 145 119 20 6
2608 Bookmark it; your turn on the wall starts now. 1.2207 0.03849 145 116 26 3
2609 Going to try to claim that you're also a bookworm? 1.2207 0.03723 145 115 28 2
2610 I hope that book will show you the difference between a deer and a snake! 1.2206 0.04264 136 111 20 5
2611 Can we talk? 1.2205 0.03544 195 159 29 7
2612 I am accustomed to a warmer climate, so I ask you, politely, to light the fire....or else! 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
2613 Those are not snake eyes. 1.2205 0.04460 127 104 18 5
2614 Anything interesting about me? 1.2203 0.03602 177 143 29 5
2615 :Knowledge is Godlike! The murders are solved on page 305." 1.2203 0.03860 177 146 23 8
2616 That was a cold-blooded Zoom layoff announcement John. I'm proud of you. 1.2203 0.03690 177 144 27 6
2617 You rang ? 1.2203 0.03690 177 144 27 6
2618 These nightly intrusions were not what Frank had had in mind when the dealer sold him a ‘conversation piece’ for the living room. 1.2203 0.04362 118 95 20 3
2619 You think reading's bad, wait till you try fucking, 1.2202 0.03816 168 137 25 6
2620 Do you realize the pages of your book come from the Tree of Knowledge? 1.2202 0.03721 168 136 27 5
2621 If there’s a snake on the mantle in Act I, it better go off in Act II. Otherwise don’t put it there. 1.2201 0.03955 159 130 23 6
2622 pssst -- Ned Stark dies at the end. 1.2201 0.03853 159 129 25 5
2623 He is a boa. We cuddle in winter to save on firewood 1.2200 0.03885 150 121 25 4
2624 They said it was a fossilized egg.... 1.2200 0.03768 150 120 27 3
2625 Hiss-s-s time for your bedtime hug... 1.2200 0.04217 150 124 19 7
2626 They are rehabbing the apartment next door and killing off the mice! 1.2199 0.03779 141 112 27 2
2627 Sorry, no apple available 1.2199 0.04281 141 116 19 6
2628 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea is one of my favorites, too. 1.2197 0.04209 132 107 21 4
2629 The part about the dragon hits too close to home. 1.2197 0.03557 173 139 30 4
2630 Looking back, I regret never ordering the chicken. 1.2197 0.03917 173 143 22 8
2631 That is not what I pictured when they talk about bookworms. 1.2197 0.03830 173 142 24 7
2632 We have so much in common...I don't feel the effects of acid either. 1.2195 0.03873 164 134 24 6
2633 My species prefers William Snakespeare. 1.2195 0.04062 164 136 20 8
2634 Can I interest you in a slice of apple pie? I've learned how to bake since Eden. 1.2195 0.04695 123 102 15 6
2635 Do you really think it was all about an apple? 1.2195 0.03465 164 130 32 2
2636 Just a teensy bite of the apple I happen to have from the Tree of Knowledge can save you all that reading. 1.2194 0.04018 155 127 22 6
2637 Would you mind removing everything that's not digestible? 1.2194 0.04018 155 127 22 6
2638 You seemed to be wrapped-up in that book! 1.2194 0.03804 155 125 26 4
2639 Nice, but don’t forget I’m cold blooded. Any plans on lighting the fire or should I find some other warm place. 1.2194 0.03692 155 124 28 3
2640 I can get you a piece of that great apple pie you promised not to eat. 1.2194 0.03913 155 126 24 5
2641 Listen I know God told you not to eat the forbidden book,but come on it looks so tasty! 1.2194 0.04018 155 127 22 6
2642 This whole Pokemon Go thing is getting out of hand... 1.2194 0.03692 155 124 28 3
2643 Psst ... can we go back to the good part with Eve? 1.2194 0.03804 155 125 26 4
2644 Yes I was stuffed before but now I'm ready to squeeze a few more laughs out of you and wring in the New Year. 1.2192 0.04291 146 121 18 7
2645 I sssswear I won’t sssssspoil 1.2192 0.04506 146 123 14 9
2646 Come on. You did promise me a rat for desert. 1.2192 0.03947 146 118 24 4
2647 Listen, pal, all that stuff about the serpent and the apple was just junk your ex-wife made up to give me some bad press. 1.2192 0.03947 146 118 24 4
2648 Don't worry, if I eat you I won't be able to slither back into my hole. 1.2192 0.03947 146 118 24 4
2649 My name should be on that plaque. Ana Conda. 1.2190 0.04236 137 112 20 5
2650 Do you really think your friendssss will think I'm a sssstag? 1.2190 0.04236 137 112 20 5
2651 This man-eating reptile is known for faking its death. 1.2189 0.03795 169 138 25 6
2652 Fake news - my granddaddy said in reality it was a squirrel who suggested the apple to Eve and our lot took The Fall. 1.2188 0.03727 160 129 27 4
2653 Don’t believe everything the Bible tells you about me. I really do have your best interests at heart. 1.2188 0.03831 160 130 25 5
2654 Read that one about The Garden of Eden. 1.2188 0.03933 160 131 23 6
2655 Go ahead, baby, light my fire. 1.2188 0.03417 192 155 32 5
2656 I'm out of cats. Try a sip of wine. 1.2188 0.04222 160 134 17 9
2657 I'm a speed reader. Could you turn the pages faster? 1.2188 0.03831 160 130 25 5
2658 Turn the page. I’ve finished reading it. 1.2188 0.04565 128 106 16 6
2659 Snitches get stitches. 1.2188 0.03727 160 129 27 4
2660 Mind telling Eve I have a message for her? 1.2188 0.04031 160 132 21 7
2661 Do you read bedtime stories to taxidermied snake? 1.2188 0.04031 160 132 21 7
2662 What the hell happened to Eve? 1.2186 0.03686 183 150 26 7
2663 Remember that apple I gave you? I want it back. 1.2185 0.03975 151 123 23 5
2664 I also love reading about hisssstory! 1.2185 0.03975 151 123 23 5
2665 When's Persephone coming home? 1.2185 0.03975 151 123 23 5
2666 I am from Amazon. Can I be your Bookworm? 1.2184 0.03896 174 144 22 8
2667 Ooh, 'Harry Potter.' Is it the one with that big-ass serpent? 1.2183 0.04135 142 116 21 5
2668 On tonight’s mid-night shock watch...The Picture of Anacondorian Gray 1.2183 0.04483 142 119 15 8
2669 Maybe it's time you get a cat to take care of your mice problem. 1.2183 0.04254 142 117 19 6
2670 But the dog gets to make a dignified entrance. 1.2183 0.03361 197 159 33 5
2671 You and I both know you're afraid of snakes. 1.2182 0.03655 165 133 28 4
2672 My eyes are getting weaker; you need to start reading out loud. 1.2182 0.04130 165 138 18 9
2673 that ones a bit bland, try " where's waldo" 1.2182 0.03655 165 133 28 4
2674 Your taxidermist is a fraud! 1.2182 0.03655 165 133 28 4
2675 May I have a tongue in your ear? 1.2182 0.03755 165 134 26 5
2676 Read me the part about parseltongue again. 1.2180 0.04444 133 110 17 6
2677 Turn the page, pleassssse. 1.2179 0.03890 156 127 24 5
2678 Sherlock Holmes, excellent choice...allow me to recommend The Adventure of the Speckled Band. 1.2179 0.03890 156 127 24 5
2679 I like big butts and I cannot lie. 1.2179 0.03995 156 128 22 6
2680 Yes, Steven. I faked being slayed. 1.2179 0.03782 156 126 26 4
2681 Can I have a sssip? 1.2179 0.03782 156 126 26 4
2682 Let's unwind and read Through the Looking-Glass together again 1.2179 0.03890 156 127 24 5
2683 Sssssssshoulda mounted the deer head. 1.2179 0.03782 156 126 26 4
2684 S - s - s -s -s - s - Social Media 1.2179 0.04197 156 130 18 8
2685 Ssseriously, ssstop sssulking and ssscan sssection sssixty ssseven. 1.2179 0.03902 179 149 21 9
2686 Psssst. Apple cider. Apple cider. Apple cider. 1.2177 0.03803 147 118 26 3
2687 Now, Edgar will understand the true meaning of “Sustainable Hunting”. 1.2177 0.04265 147 122 18 7
2688 I think I've had enough growth hormone 1.2177 0.04154 147 121 20 6
2689 How would you like it if I mounted your head in my cave? 1.2177 0.04373 147 123 16 8
2690 The plumber is snaking the pipes, but made a mistake! 1.2177 0.04154 147 121 20 6
2691 You were thinking 'trophy', I was thinking 'revenge'! 1.2177 0.04040 147 120 22 5
2692 How did you not notice? 1.2177 0.04581 147 125 12 10
2693 Chickens aren't the only things that come home to roost. 1.2176 0.03586 170 137 29 4
2694 I know we’ve been over this but it’s just that… You’re not presenting my best part 1.2174 0.03707 161 130 27 4
2695 I appreciate that you are “woke,” but I don’t need a hug right now. 1.2174 0.04208 138 113 20 5
2696 Don’t worry, I’m not poisonous.” 1.2174 0.04198 161 135 17 9
2697 I've been waiting for you, Harry Potter. 1.2174 0.04008 161 133 21 7
2698 What do you think "trophy" really means? 1.2174 0.03910 161 132 23 6
2699 Savoring the ending? 1.2174 0.03810 161 131 25 5
2700 Looking at all the photo albums in the world isn't going to get her back. It's time to move on Jeff. 1.2174 0.04570 138 116 14 8
2701 Now I’m going to be stuffed. 1.2171 0.03613 175 142 28 5
2702 Speak up, I'm hard of hearing. 1.2171 0.03613 175 142 28 5
2703 Who did you expect? Monty Python. 1.2171 0.04370 152 128 15 9
2704 Look at me as an EXTENSION of yourself. 1.2171 0.04060 152 125 21 6
2705 Read me the part about the tree of knowledge of good and evil again. 1.2171 0.04397 129 106 18 5
2706 That's right! I have been playing possum for over 20 years! 1.2171 0.03806 129 102 26 1
2707 I just love good hissssstorical fiction 1.2169 0.03360 189 152 33 4
2708 Read me the one about the serpent who played 'possum. 1.2169 0.03831 166 136 24 6
2709 Even medusa likes to read. 1.2169 0.03831 166 136 24 6
2710 Long time no see! Where's the wife? 1.2169 0.04017 166 138 20 8
2711 Please read to me my favorite Sherlock Holmes story, "The Speckled Band." 1.2169 0.03533 166 133 30 3
2712 Is that book about Apples? I know a great book about Apples... 1.2169 0.03831 166 136 24 6
2713 Anaconda wants a hug. 1.2169 0.04017 166 138 20 8
2714 I was finding my way to the fruit tree in the middle of some garden, then 'smite!' I'm your mantle.... 1.2168 0.03987 143 116 23 4
2715 Can we discuss the conclusion of my story? 1.2168 0.04227 143 118 19 6
2716 Dog-ear the page. No one will see. 1.2166 0.04364 157 133 14 10
2717 Where are the apples? 1.2166 0.04073 157 130 20 7
2718 Where are your reading glassssesss, George? 1.2166 0.04269 157 132 16 9
2719 Isn't it about time to call a chimney sweep. I haven't eaten in a year. 1.2166 0.03537 157 125 30 2
2720 I'm no longer feeling head over heels. 1.2165 0.03305 194 156 34 4
2721 Buy Apple 1.2164 0.04285 134 110 19 5
2722 Put the book down Mr. Lovecraft. I have a deal for you. 1.2164 0.04285 134 110 19 5
2723 Well no, this is not quite my idea of Eden either 1.2164 0.04285 134 110 19 5
2724 I think the plot of this book is really a stretch! 1.2164 0.04152 134 109 21 4
2725 Taxxssssssidermy ????? 1.2164 0.03662 171 139 27 5
2726 Yeah, we don't actually need to the can to spring out. 1.2164 0.04021 171 143 19 9
2727 It ain't necessarily so. 1.2164 0.03662 171 139 27 5
2728 The new taxidermist demanded CASH payment up front but he did the job for just HALF the other quote. 1.2162 0.04016 148 121 22 5
2729 You’re overdoing the J.K. Rowling and the cognac 1.2162 0.04016 148 121 22 5
2730 0h, let’s keep it a secret, OK? 1.2162 0.04016 148 121 22 5
2731 Bottoms up! 1.2162 0.03569 185 151 28 6
2732 Please read me "Goodnight Moon" one more time. 1.2162 0.04128 148 122 20 6
2733 I am tired of pretending to be your trophy catch. It’s time for you AND me both to “come out”… 1.2162 0.04128 148 122 20 6
2734 I guess I should have been more specific when I asked for a shoulder mount. 1.2162 0.04238 148 123 18 7
2735 Your swordfish was a bit stale. I'm still hungry. 1.2162 0.04128 148 122 20 6
2736 Did it ever occur to you that I might be hibernating? 1.2162 0.04016 148 121 22 5
2737 It's more convenient on an Apple. 1.2162 0.04016 148 121 22 5
2738 I thought you said we were going out tonight. 1.2162 0.04128 148 122 20 6
2739 The stepfather did it. 1.2160 0.03789 162 132 25 5
2740 Couldn't we watch Squid Games instead? 1.2160 0.03986 162 134 21 7
2741 Eve will have a special treat from the orchard for the meal today. 1.2160 0.03581 162 130 29 3
2742 Are you still blaming me for the apple I gave to Eve? I brought you some wine to say I'm sorry. 1.2160 0.04265 162 137 15 10
2743 Imagine the chagrin if your friends learned of the charade—that I was but a fake stuffed serpent’s head? 1.2160 0.03789 162 132 25 5
2744 That taxidermy manual is really antiquated.” 1.2158 0.04181 139 114 20 5
2745 Pretty snaky, don't you think? 1.2158 0.03923 139 112 24 3
2746 You don't need to read a book to know how a glory hole works. Now start suckin'. 1.2158 0.04423 139 116 16 7
2747 Could you pour me a Chardonnay?