Contest #783


Cartoon

783

The winning captions

These captions are chosen by The New Yorker.

  1. “And how did being left on the plate make you feel?”
  2. “Maybe it’s time for you to stop being so good for everyone else and just be good for yourself.”
  3. “So, tell me, do you get steamed easily?”


Name Value
Submission deadline 2021-12-05T22:35:00.000Z
Voting started -
Voting ended 2021-12-19T22:36:00.000Z
Finalists announced 2021-12-13T22:36:00.000Z
Magazine(s) announcing finalists issued December 20, 2021
Number of captions 6304
Number of responses 771572
Number of participants -


Dashboard

In this table, the "mean" means the empirically measured average funniness score when the "unfunny", "somewhat funny" and "funny" receive a funniness score of 1, 2, 3 respectively. "Precison" is the standard error of the mean, the standard deviation of the mean estimate. With that, a caption with an empirical mean μ and precision σ has true mean in the range [μ - 2σ, μ + 2σ] with 95% probability by the 68-95-99.7 rule assuming the responses are indepedent and identically distributed.

Rank Caption Mean Precision Total votes "Unfunny" votes "Somewhat funny" votes "Funny" votes
0 What makes you think he just wants you as something on the side ? 1.8622 0.01558 2677 1079 888 710
1 It's perfectly normal to feel depressed around the hollandaise." 1.8455 0.01228 4827 2188 1197 1442
2 …And is the ‘Green Giant’ in the room with us right now? 1.8431 0.01557 2773 1183 842 748
3 When I saw 'B. Spears' on my schedule, I expected someone else. 1.8269 0.01662 2427 1060 727 640
4 Usually, I treat couch potatoes. 1.7993 0.01384 3328 1461 1074 793
5 Believe in yourself. If cauliflower can become pizza, you can do anything. 1.7938 0.01528 2731 1210 874 647
6 And how did being left on the plate make you feel? 1.7702 0.01467 2828 1260 958 610
7 No, I'd say you're completely sane. I'm the one talking to a giant stick of broccoli. 1.7686 0.01729 2204 1040 634 530
8 If you think it’s not easy being green, you should try being black. 1.7651 0.01381 3521 1693 962 866
9 I'm afraid that you're in a persistent vegetative state. 1.7503 0.01281 3805 1781 1193 831
10 I'm afraid our time is up, although you really need another 10 minutes. 1.7489 0.01757 1967 906 649 412
11 It appears that you have Florets syndrome. 1.7486 0.01441 3071 1462 919 690
12 I'm going to prescribe a mild fertilizer. 1.7476 0.01306 3522 1615 1181 726
13 What happened after they invited you for a dip? 1.7424 0.01282 3695 1721 1205 769
14 You seem to be suffering from an edible complex. 1.7320 0.01747 1974 930 643 401
15 Did my mom send you? 1.7292 0.01899 1721 830 527 364
16 It appears you’re stuck in a persistent vegetative state. 1.7260 0.01765 1861 864 643 354
17 So, you feel you’re being stalked? 1.7256 0.01485 2664 1248 899 517
18 It's not just your kids that hate you. All kids hate you. 1.7241 0.01231 4219 2091 1201 927
19 Relax. Kale is a fad. Broccoli is forever. 1.7234 0.01705 1938 888 698 352
20 Yes, you are good for them, but are they good for you? 1.7209 0.01672 2096 988 705 403
21 When did you first suspect you're genetically modified? 1.7198 0.01312 3397 1603 1143 651
22 Maybe she has a lot on her plate? 1.7185 0.01829 1819 881 569 369
23 You have an unresolved edible complex. 1.7172 0.01645 2281 1117 692 472
24 You aren’t paranoid — most people do hate you. 1.7152 0.01714 2054 995 649 410
25 I'm sick of hearing about kale,too. 1.7074 0.01580 2290 1087 786 417
26 No, you're not imagining it. No one likes you. 1.6967 0.01643 2199 1087 692 420
27 Let me start our session by admitting that I have never liked you 1.6966 0.01539 2485 1222 795 468
28 Let's explore what's making you so bitter. 1.6913 0.01915 1474 696 537 241
29 It's not a bad thing for people to like you for your head and not your body... 1.6852 0.01602 2297 1152 716 429
30 So you were assigned ‘tree’ at sprouting, but identify as ‘broccoli’? 1.6822 0.01659 2228 1149 638 441
31 Visualize yourself as a main dish. 1.6799 0.01613 2159 1062 726 371
32 You're not wrong, most kids do hate you. 1.6789 0.01871 1666 839 523 304
33 You are a tree! You have to expect certain things from a dog. 1.6772 0.01980 1515 773 458 284
34 I’m going to have to refer you to our branch office. 1.6751 0.01866 1548 750 551 247
35 Unlike cauliflower, you made it this far without white privilege. 1.6742 0.01790 1909 996 539 374
36 Maybe finding your roots will give us some answers. 1.6726 0.01769 1729 843 609 277
37 No, you’re not crazy. Very few people like you. 1.6673 0.01631 2131 1076 688 367
38 Nobody liked kale ten years ago. 1.6633 0.02110 1185 579 426 180
39 Your kids may not like you now, but they will someday. 1.6571 0.01844 1598 802 542 254
40 It's time to tell your parents you are deciduous. 1.6492 0.02016 1374 709 438 227
41 Have you considered the hot tub might not be the best place for you to relax? 1.6466 0.01884 1582 822 497 263
42 Listen, kids don’t like me either. 1.6420 0.03213 514 261 176 77
43 This feeling of being unwanted and unloved, you say it happens around dinnertime every night? 1.6409 0.01982 1356 692 459 205
44 Comparing yourself to Kale will only lead to more suffering. 1.6395 0.01913 1531 804 475 252
45 Why do you think you need Cheese to feel complete? 1.6389 0.01909 1407 706 503 198
46 Wow--you really seem steamed! 1.6371 0.02028 1298 667 435 196
47 Tell me again why I should go green. 1.6333 0.02286 1358 822 212 324
48 You think no one likes you, yet you're always invited to the party platter? 1.6309 0.02712 699 356 245 98
49 Those voices are not in your head, they're squirrels. 1.6286 0.02206 1260 707 314 239
50 Ok, now I'm going to grill you. 1.6268 0.02154 1171 618 372 181
51 While I'm not a nutritionist, I can assure you, you ARE good for him. 1.6209 0.02127 1216 652 373 191
52 Cheese is not the answer. 1.6183 0.02626 786 420 246 120
53 Maybe it’s time for you to stop being so good for everyone else and just be good for yourself. 1.6178 0.02296 1065 580 312 173
54 You’re too embittered. 1.6160 0.02574 1073 666 153 254
55 And how long have you had these feelings of being uprooted? 1.6000 0.02403 865 458 295 112
56 Have you thought about putting down roots somewhere? 1.5986 0.02465 852 460 274 118
57 Dogs pee on ALL trees. It’s not just you. 1.5966 0.02539 823 451 253 119
58 Your looking at it the wrong way. People hating broccoli is actually good for you. 1.5945 0.02582 836 471 233 132
59 Sometimes it's good to just lay on the couch and veg. 1.5944 0.02496 885 496 252 137
60 Let's start when you were a broccolini... 1.5925 0.02591 773 422 244 107
61 In my experience, the dip is free to see other vegetables. 1.5915 0.02748 749 427 201 121
62 Perhaps you need to stop being good for everybody else. 1.5849 0.02717 754 431 205 118
63 Okay, so your stripper name is Broccolini? 1.5848 0.02890 684 396 176 112
64 It was my mother, wasn't it, who sent you here? 1.5843 0.02809 700 399 193 108
65 You fell. No one heard. Get over it. 1.5836 0.02970 682 406 154 122
66 and when did you realize you were just a side dish? 1.5828 0.02765 688 384 207 97
67 Mr. Brock, you have to be patient with therapy. After all, you have been in a vegetative state for some time. 1.5828 0.02600 791 445 231 115
68 We start by accepting the fact your parents were nuts. 1.5816 0.02992 674 403 150 121
69 What's eating you now? 1.5794 0.02902 642 365 182 95
70 Of course you fell. Even if no one heard. 1.5791 0.02765 708 403 200 105
71 So tell me do you get steamed easily ? 1.5769 0.02736 683 380 212 91
72 So - anger issues, I gather. You're easily steamed? 1.5755 0.02708 695 387 216 92
73 And how does it make you feel when you come home for the hollandaise? 1.5750 0.03024 647 387 148 112
74 “I am certain that when you fell, you were heard.” 1.5724 0.02979 580 326 176 78
75 It could be worse. The brussel sprout is here twice a week. 1.5721 0.02968 645 380 161 104
76 So your kids hate you? All kids hate broccoli. 1.5698 0.02792 681 390 194 97
77 I can see you're steamed... 1.5694 0.02870 620 349 189 82
78 I’m sure the kids will appreciate you when they’re older. 1.5693 0.02865 592 326 195 71
79 So, why do you think everyone just wants to bite your head off? 1.5685 0.02955 584 329 178 77
80 You can't take what children say about you so personally 1.5665 0.02844 609 339 195 75
81 What’s eating you? 1.5662 0.03039 604 356 154 94
82 You seem bitter. 1.5656 0.02941 564 313 183 68
83 When you said you wanted to ‘veg out,’ I thought you meant drinking beer and watching some football. 1.5627 0.03051 558 320 162 76
84 It's not easy being Black either. 1.5608 0.03029 576 334 161 81
85 You’re right. She likes you and you are good for her, but not in the way you think. 1.5601 0.03081 541 310 159 72
86 “Are you sure she has someone else on the side?” 1.5600 0.03021 550 312 168 70
87 Well I bet they like you more than homework and bedtime. 1.5591 0.02771 626 349 204 73
88 And you’re afraid your own kids won’t like you either? 1.5584 0.02976 582 335 169 78
89 Tell me about your dream that everyone wants to eat your head but hates your body. 1.5562 0.03091 507 285 162 60
90 Sure kale has grown in popularity as of late, but you really need to focus on what you bring to the table. 1.5560 0.03109 545 318 151 76
91 Of course you think no one likes you...you're broccoli. 1.5559 0.02927 590 338 176 76
92 I'd say it's garden-variety depression. 1.5558 0.03158 529 309 146 74
93 Why do YOU think you’re so bitter? 1.5541 0.03055 545 314 160 71
94 My kids don't like me either. 1.5533 0.03030 535 304 166 65
95 So what’s your pronoun? 1.5523 0.03072 583 349 146 88
96 I still can't let go of what George Bush said about me. 1.5508 0.03039 541 311 162 68
97 It's ok. Organic does not automatically mean happy. 1.5495 0.03201 495 287 144 64
98 Tell me how you felt when the boy said ‘yuck.’ 1.5483 0.03053 538 311 159 68
99 Really? She left you for broccolini? Man you must be steamed! 1.5480 0.03101 562 336 144 82
100 In your case, "finding your roots" is more of a necessity than a hobby. 1.5438 0.03105 502 288 155 59
101 To be honest we all feel a little dismayed by kale's prominence. 1.5417 0.03212 480 279 142 59
102 But it will turn to beautiful colors before it all falls out. 1.5411 0.03222 499 296 136 67
103 I’m sorry. I misunderstood when you said you were steamed. 1.5382 0.03125 498 289 150 59
104 It’s totally natural to feel like you are being stalked 1.5380 0.03298 474 282 129 63
105 So, you go limp after a few days no matter who you go home with? 1.5374 0.03572 441 273 99 69
106 Tell me why you feel like you're being stalked. 1.5374 0.03204 495 293 138 64
107 Excuse me. Tell me do you identify as tree or broccoli? 1.5368 0.03172 544 333 130 81
108 It could be floret’s syndrome. 1.5358 0.03479 461 285 105 71
109 When you decided to transition from a couch potato, what made you choose broccoli? 1.5346 0.03401 477 294 111 72
110 Let’s begin with why you’re steamed. 1.5346 0.03362 477 291 117 69
111 I note some improvement, but you're not out of the woods yet. 1.5345 0.03296 464 275 130 59
112 What was your third wish? 1.5341 0.03586 425 261 101 63
113 In order to find out who you really are, you’ll need to rediscover your roots. 1.5341 0.03389 455 274 119 62
114 I can tell you've been steamed. 1.5332 0.03473 407 239 119 49
115 Now, let’s work on your fear of dips. 1.5327 0.03331 413 236 134 43
116 You say all the kids at school hated you? 1.5318 0.03445 425 253 118 54
117 So, the voices in your head turned out to be a family of squirrels? 1.5301 0.03450 432 260 115 57
118 I have a degree in Psychiatree 1.5269 0.03562 391 233 110 48
119 It's okay to identify as a carrot... 1.5257 0.03568 428 266 99 63
120 So you say you have no roots? 1.5252 0.03361 417 244 127 46
121 And what did the dog do next? 1.5244 0.03591 410 252 101 57
122 If you could talk to the puppy who peed on you right now, what would you say? 1.5241 0.03554 395 237 109 49
123 To solve your problem we need to go back to your roots. 1.5236 0.03371 424 251 124 49
124 You're not alone in feeling uprooted. 1.5230 0.03264 457 272 131 54
125 .....you're sure she accused you of being a stalker? 1.5227 0.03311 440 261 128 51
126 I don't think a "Free Broccoli Spears" movement will catch on. 1.5222 0.03606 427 269 93 65
127 They're birds. That's where they live. 1.5220 0.03386 410 241 124 45
128 And that's when your mother threw away your purple rubber band? 1.5219 0.04062 343 218 71 54
129 You have an Oedible complex. 1.5217 0.03581 391 236 106 49
130 It's OK to feel angry, just try to avoid getting steamed. 1.5206 0.03565 388 233 108 47
131 Of course you made a sound when you fell. 1.5175 0.03592 400 246 101 53
132 When did you start identifying as non-cruciferous? 1.5165 0.03658 393 244 95 54
133 Ethically, I shouldn’t be seeing you on an empty stomach. 1.5165 0.03626 395 244 98 53
134 It’s not your imagination. Everybody hates you. 1.5139 0.03482 395 237 113 45
135 I’m afraid that’s all the thyme we have. 1.5134 0.03481 409 249 110 50
136 Every year we go through this. Your leaves WILL come back next spring. 1.5094 0.03594 373 226 104 43
137 So, you fell in the forest, but nobody heard a sound. How does that make you feel? 1.5081 0.03616 370 225 102 43
138 You can't make people like you. 1.5080 0.03506 374 223 112 39
139 It isn't anything personal, its just what dogs do. 1.5080 0.03627 374 229 100 45
140 Let’s focus on your fiber content instead of the assumption that nobody likes you. 1.5077 0.03585 388 239 101 48
141 When did you first feel a Green Giant was stalking you?. 1.5076 0.03836 331 202 90 39
142 Well, the bad news is that you're going to be a vegetable for he rest of your life. 1.5067 0.03920 373 244 69 60
143 You're not being paranoid. Most people don't like you. 1.5066 0.03566 377 229 105 43
144 You fell in the woods, no one was there. Yes. It is quite existential. 1.5060 0.03739 334 201 97 36
145 How do you feel about being cut off from your family? 1.5055 0.03597 364 220 104 40
146 How do you feel about no one hearing you fall? 1.5030 0.03862 328 202 87 39
147 You've really got to stop that stalking behavior. 1.5030 0.03811 334 205 90 39
148 Have you tried a simple vinaigrette conditioner? 1.5029 0.03785 348 216 89 43
149 Heavy is the head that wears the crown. 1.5021 0.04686 235 148 56 31
150 You think you're crazy? I'm talking to a tree. 1.5015 0.04033 325 207 73 45
151 You've got the most extreme case of persistent vegatative state I've ever seen. 1.5015 0.03759 343 211 92 40
152 It’s not paranoia when everyone does hate you. 1.5014 0.03702 353 217 95 41
153 So, you’ve been feeling disconnected from your roots lately? 1.5000 0.03828 332 205 88 39
154 So you're saying that in your nightmare he was neither green nor jolly? 1.4986 0.03897 345 220 78 47
155 Yes, but with dogs, it's a sign of respect. 1.4985 0.04014 327 209 73 45
156 I hate to admit this, as I’m a caring and professional therapist, but I don’t like you either. 1.4973 0.03636 370 230 96 44
157 I thought we were going out tonight but it looks like you just want to veg out again. 1.4973 0.03562 366 223 104 39
158 The good news is, you're not paranoid. The bad news is that everyone really does hate broccoli. 1.4970 0.03972 334 214 74 46
159 Well, if it's any consolation, at least your pee does not smell 1.4969 0.04019 324 207 73 44
160 In a sense, we're all in a vegetative state. 1.4957 0.03644 349 213 99 37
161 And you feel these changes seasonally? 1.4955 0.03778 335 207 90 38
162 Just get comfortable while I slip down to the break room for some Ranch. 1.4953 0.03842 319 196 88 35
163 Actually, "vegetative state" is a sliding scale. 1.4938 0.03798 324 199 90 35
164 Somebody's stalking you? 1.4937 0.03920 316 197 82 37
165 You’ve grown a lot since our last session. 1.4925 0.03842 333 209 84 40
166 But are others good for YOU? 1.4923 0.03907 323 203 81 39
167 No, I don’t think your fear of woks is unreasonable. 1.4905 0.03816 316 194 89 33
168 I can see how you're feeling a little uprooted. 1.4899 0.03448 347 205 114 28
169 These carrots you talk about, are they in the room with us right now? 1.4890 0.03943 319 202 78 39
170 Stop telling everyone you meet how good you are for them. 1.4887 0.04064 309 198 71 40
171 And how does that make you feel, being unable to grow in Brooklyn? 1.4885 0.03861 305 187 87 31
172 Thank you, you are very kind. I do my own hair. 1.4885 0.03718 348 218 90 40
173 Let’s go back to your salad days… 1.4869 0.03961 306 192 79 35
174 So, you feel you were uprooted at an early age? 1.4868 0.03842 304 186 88 30
175 Your partner is a Dip. 1.4863 0.03901 329 210 78 41
176 Do you often feel that you are being stalked? 1.4862 0.04094 290 183 73 34
177 So what if no one was there? You still made a sound. 1.4845 0.03738 322 198 92 32
178 You gotta move on from the Bush 41 comment. 1.4841 0.03984 283 174 81 28
179 Actually you are not delusional -- everyone does hate broccoli 1.4821 0.04171 280 178 69 33
180 How long have you been in this vegetative state?" 1.4821 0.03951 307 194 78 35
181 Let's put aside children and focus on people who like you. 1.4820 0.03943 305 192 79 34
182 So, you feel that kale is responsible for this insecurity? 1.4812 0.03832 320 201 84 35
183 I think finding your roots is a good first step. 1.4808 0.04065 287 181 74 32
184 And how did it make you feel when she called your whole family cruciferous? 1.4801 0.04142 277 175 71 31
185 This probably isn't going to help, but I also hate you. 1.4795 0.04158 292 189 66 37
186 You have to realize that your nightmares are not based in reality. Children do not eat broccoli. It just doesn't happen. 1.4792 0.04379 265 172 59 34
187 Not everyone can wear the crown. 1.4791 0.04201 263 165 70 28
188 Just give me two minutes and you're done. 1.4789 0.04127 284 181 70 33
189 So you fell in the forest and no one heard you? 1.4787 0.04148 282 180 69 33
190 So you are saying that no one heard you fall? 1.4787 0.04207 305 203 58 44
191 Let's start with your vegetable dip phobia. 1.4773 0.03786 331 210 84 37
192 In your case, I'd be wary of the people who say they do like you. 1.4768 0.03915 302 190 80 32
193 But does freedom require that you never establish any roots? 1.4767 0.03819 300 185 87 28
194 You don’t have an inferiority complex. People really don’t like you. 1.4762 0.03934 294 184 80 30
195 I know it’s not easy being green… what about being cut off from your family? Did that get you steamed? 1.4757 0.04037 309 201 69 39
196 Salt is a good start, Doug, but real flavor comes from within. 1.4757 0.04084 288 184 71 33
197 She called me a stalker. 1.4748 0.03717 318 197 91 30
198 I WAS the superfood and now it’s all kale, kale, kale. 1.4743 0.04534 253 167 52 34
199 I don’t trust vegetarians either. 1.4742 0.04052 291 186 72 33
200 That's not what I meant when I suggested you branch out a bit. 1.4739 0.04064 287 183 72 32
201 We all suffer loss. You should be grateful yours is seasonal and not permanent. 1.4737 0.03993 285 179 77 29
202 You’re a deciduous tree. It’s November. You’ve got to let go. 1.4729 0.04260 258 164 66 28
203 You can crash on my couch, but you’re on your own if she catches you dipping again with a side dish. 1.4716 0.04469 282 193 45 44
204 I don’t like you either. 1.4706 0.04354 272 180 56 36
205 Well, we can't all be kale 1.4706 0.04260 272 177 62 33
206 Maybe you just imagine it's always the same dog. 1.4696 0.04509 247 162 54 31
207 You know there are other partners besides melted cheese 1.4695 0.04211 262 167 67 28
208 I see you've been to my barber. 1.4672 0.04140 274 176 68 30
209 I think we’re seeing some growth here. 1.4659 0.04355 264 174 57 33
210 So, you're worried about being stalked? 1.4653 0.04051 288 186 70 32
211 Tell me more about feeling stalked. 1.4648 0.04388 256 168 57 31
212 How long have you had this feeling that children hate you? 1.4648 0.04353 256 167 59 30
213 So you feel rootless? 1.4647 0.03887 269 165 83 21
214 Are you still having that nightmare about the salad spinner? 1.4645 0.04205 282 186 61 35
215 I suggest we dig into your roots a bit. 1.4643 0.03601 308 188 97 23
216 Before I accept you as a patient, do you mind my asking if you are deciduous? 1.4638 0.04020 276 175 74 27
217 People rarely come here just to veg out on the couch. 1.4635 0.04008 274 173 75 26
218 Have you thought about seeing other trees, even if you can’t see the forest? 1.4633 0.04070 300 198 65 37
219 It's perfectly normal to feel nobody likes you. 1.4632 0.03995 272 171 76 25
220 Well of course nobody loves you. You're broccoli." 1.4627 0.04184 255 162 68 25
221 Well, it certainly is possible that no one heard you fall in that forest. But, rest assured, I’m listening now. 1.4627 0.04184 255 162 68 25
222 No, it’s not cultural appropriation. That’s your hair. 1.4627 0.04240 268 175 62 31
223 Being uprooted is never easy. 1.4625 0.04208 253 161 67 25
224 Yes of course I like you - I like all my vegetables. 1.4618 0.03896 275 171 81 23
225 You have to stop obsessing about Brussel Sprouts, they had their moment in the sun, you will too! 1.4615 0.04051 273 174 72 27
226 I'm sorry, but couch broccoli doesn't quite have the right ring to it. 1.4612 0.04269 232 145 67 20
227 Don't let the little stuff worry you. You're doing a great job getting carbon out of the atmosphere. 1.4609 0.04280 256 166 62 28
228 I think you'll be much better after some time in the steam room. 1.4604 0.04275 265 174 60 31
229 Look, kids hate you and after 6 weeks of this I am not to fond of you either. 1.4603 0.04182 252 160 68 24
230 Well, at least you're healthy." 1.4600 0.04206 250 159 67 24
231 So, let me get this right. There was nobody there and you still made a sound? 1.4600 0.04429 250 165 55 30
232 What do you think this stems from? 1.4595 0.04208 259 167 65 27
233 And have you tried telling the dog how that makes you feel? 1.4591 0.04303 257 168 60 29
234 To begin, let's talk about this fear of boiling water. 1.4590 0.04434 244 160 56 28
235 You have so much more to add to a relationship than just fibre. 1.4588 0.04032 255 159 75 21
236 Why is it important that everyone like you? 1.4582 0.03939 299 194 73 32
237 At least you're not a couch potato. 1.4582 0.04268 251 162 63 26
238 Your sense of self-worth shouldn’t depend on whether you’re organic or not. 1.4581 0.04379 227 144 62 21
239 So, you're worried your salad days are all behind you? 1.4580 0.04137 262 168 68 26
240 In your case, stalking isn't a crime. 1.4571 0.04382 245 160 58 27
241 So you'd rather be a couch potato? 1.4571 0.04678 245 168 42 35
242 Deep down, you know why your children won't have you for dinner. 1.4571 0.04071 280 182 68 30
243 Maybe you are carrying this plant based thing too far. 1.4567 0.03978 289 187 72 30
244 Who's stalking you? 1.4567 0.04194 254 163 66 25
245 If you really love this cauliflower, who cares if her parents approve? 1.4566 0.03925 265 165 79 21
246 But does everybody HAVE to like you? 1.4563 0.04437 252 168 53 31
247 Give it to me raw 1.4557 0.04287 237 151 64 22
248 Life is roughage. 1.4553 0.04158 257 165 67 25
249 So, what makes you think you’re being stalked? 1.4549 0.04238 244 156 65 23
250 You may be good for lots of people, but let’s focus on what’s good for YOU. 1.4538 0.04194 260 169 64 27
251 And then the dog lifted his leg ...? 1.4533 0.03916 289 186 75 28
252 And when were you first told that you’d never be a superfood? 1.4531 0.04169 256 165 66 25
253 First of all, no food on the couch. 1.4519 0.04539 239 160 50 29
254 I am sure you made a sound even if no one was there. 1.4516 0.04378 248 164 56 28
255 Getting people to like you just requires simple things. Try a smile and some cheese sauce 1.4508 0.03827 295 189 79 27
256 Honestly, I don’t like you either. 1.4505 0.04112 273 179 65 29
257 It’s okay if you don’t like kids, they don’t like you either 1.4504 0.04273 262 174 58 30
258 So …what do you suppose brought on this vegetative state? 1.4496 0.04144 258 167 66 25
259 Not everyone likes what's good for them. 1.4492 0.04093 256 164 69 23
260 You know, it's just a joke when they say "Act like a tree and leave". 1.4490 0.04262 245 159 62 24
261 So tell me again why you can’t see the forest. 1.4489 0.04665 225 151 47 27
262 So I gather you think both you parents were nuts? 1.4488 0.04300 254 168 58 28
263 I'm sensing a hint of bitterness. 1.4486 0.04288 243 158 61 24
264 Hmmm, sounds like a classic edible complex to me. 1.4484 0.04823 223 153 40 30
265 Not everyone is going to like you, and that’s OK. 1.4481 0.04232 241 155 64 22
266 It not just you, kids don’t like a lot of things. 1.4480 0.04123 250 160 68 22
267 Well, I think it would be healthy for you to move out of your parents refrigerator and get a place of your own. 1.4478 0.03777 297 190 81 26
268 You do come off a little bitter. 1.4478 0.04065 268 174 68 26
269 They’re just using you to get to dessert. 1.4476 0.04186 248 160 65 23
270 No. In your case a constant fear of axes, hatchets and chainsaws is not irrational. 1.4475 0.04117 257 166 67 24
271 It's all about realising your inherent nutritional value. 1.4473 0.04487 237 158 52 27
272 I know I’m your therapist. I’m here to help you. I don’t have to like you. 1.4464 0.04369 224 144 60 20
273 Why so bitter?” 1.4454 0.04142 238 151 68 19
274 So, how long have you been in a vegetative state?" 1.4449 0.04155 263 173 63 27
275 I just feel so raw these days. 1.4444 0.04058 234 146 72 16
276 Let's start by going back to your roots and then we can branch out. 1.4440 0.03982 259 165 73 21
277 It's not a big problem. I don't like the Bush family either. 1.4435 0.04184 248 161 64 23
278 How long have you had these feelings of constantly being stalked? 1.4435 0.04457 239 160 52 27
279 Your anger at kale's popularity is a classic case of Brassica envy. 1.4421 0.04337 242 160 57 25
280 So how long has this Celery been stalking you? 1.4416 0.04162 274 184 59 31
281 Yes I have heard that heavy is the stalk that bears the crown. 1.4409 0.04422 220 143 57 20
282 It’s just the same story each day, always a side dish never an entree. 1.4407 0.04077 236 149 70 17
283 We can’t change people confusing you with cauliflower, but we CAN change how you respond to it. 1.4402 0.04588 209 137 52 20
284 Just to get started, what the fuck are you? 1.4398 0.04543 241 165 46 30
285 Awesome fro! 1.4398 0.04669 216 145 47 24
286 How about less about kale and more about you? 1.4395 0.04470 223 147 54 22
287 My advice, just let him go. He’s a baseball bat now. 1.4395 0.04734 223 153 42 28
288 You can't veg out on the sofa all day 1.4393 0.04253 239 156 61 22
289 Yes, you will be a vegetable for the rest of your life 1.4386 0.04529 228 153 50 25
290 Relax. It's perfectly natural to long for roots. 1.4384 0.04575 219 146 50 23
291 No, you’re not being paranoid. People just don’t like you. 1.4380 0.04334 242 161 56 25
292 Look at it this way, at least you’re not cauliflower. 1.4378 0.04269 217 138 63 16
293 Don't worry, many feel rootless these days. 1.4375 0.03933 256 163 74 19
294 Have you considered thinking of it as dogs showering you with affection? 1.4366 0.04762 213 145 43 25
295 Sometimes we all struggle to see the florets through the trees. 1.4361 0.04231 227 146 63 18
296 Your mother's not the only one who hates you. 1.4350 0.04512 223 149 51 23
297 Are you sure it's not all in your head? 1.4350 0.04468 223 148 53 22
298 She won't date you because you're not organic? 1.4348 0.04281 230 150 60 20
299 So mid-summer then is when it all came to a head? 1.4348 0.04539 230 156 48 26
300 If I had known you were going to plant yourself on the sofa, I would have left you outside. 1.4346 0.04112 260 172 63 25
301 How long have you and cheese been together? 1.4341 0.04597 205 135 51 19
302 Cauliflower rice,cauliflower steaks,cauliflower pizza! I just can’t compete! 1.4340 0.04084 235 150 68 17
303 Just because no person heard it doesn't make your fall insignificant. 1.4329 0.04310 231 152 58 21
304 So it was getting a little steamy - what happened next? 1.4326 0.04442 215 141 55 19
305 Trust me, if a tree falls in the city, your lawyer’s gonna hear about it. 1.4325 0.04129 252 166 63 23
306 It’s not easy being green. 1.4320 0.04421 206 133 57 16
307 Have you thought it might be time to put down some roots? 1.4320 0.04579 206 136 51 19
308 Reconnect with your roots. 1.4317 0.04319 227 149 58 20
309 You should start by recognizing that you are not a member of the V-8 family. Stop stalking them. 1.4316 0.04139 234 151 65 18
310 You'll be happy to hear that you're definitely out of the woods now. 1.4316 0.04355 234 156 55 23
311 When did you first develop these feelings of being unrooted? 1.4315 0.04461 241 165 48 28
312 Well. it isn't easy to be black either. 1.4304 0.04409 230 154 53 23
313 It may be is time for you to put down some roots. 1.4299 0.04401 221 146 55 20
314 Don't worry. It's not all in your head. 1.4293 0.04325 205 131 60 14
315 I think you suffer from seasonal depression. 1.4293 0.04846 205 141 40 24
316 I can see where being asked to bring along some dip to the party might be cause for some concern. 1.4292 0.04331 226 149 57 20
317 I may have to refer you to my branch office. 1.4286 0.04341 238 160 54 24
318 Just remember, THOSE trees end up at the curb. 1.4286 0.04360 210 136 58 16
319 How long have you been having these "smothered in cheese" nightmares? 1.4280 0.04113 243 159 64 20
320 I think it's a case of Floret's syndrome 1.4279 0.04507 229 156 48 25
321 And the body image negativity first manifested around the time you met broccolini? 1.4273 0.04642 220 151 44 25
322 I keep getting mistaken for broccoli. I’m sick and tired of it. I’m a tree. 1.4273 0.04413 220 146 54 20
323 Maybe you can answer the age-old question: does it make a sound? 1.4272 0.04614 213 144 47 22
324 You can't just blame the recipes. 1.4262 0.04543 183 117 54 12
325 Lettuce begin. 1.4262 0.04222 244 163 58 23
326 I know you hated yourself as a child, but have you tried drizzling a little olive oil and putting yourself in the oven? 1.4259 0.04518 216 145 50 21
327 How does it make you feel when children spit you into a napkin and hide it under the table? 1.4256 0.04759 195 131 45 19
328 What people like about you is all in your head. 1.4254 0.04345 228 152 55 21
329 In your case Janet, feeling like a vegetable is completely reasonable. 1.4254 0.04963 181 122 41 18
330 How long has this stalking been going on ? 1.4253 0.04625 221 152 44 25
331 Why do you think you get so steamed? 1.4250 0.04563 200 132 51 17
332 It doesn’t matter if they roast, boil or serve you raw. You are still worthy! 1.4244 0.04265 205 131 61 13
333 I'll quit grilling you if you stop stalking me. 1.4241 0.04490 224 152 49 23
334 You're not paranoid. No one likes you. 1.4241 0.04535 224 153 47 24
335 You're broccoli, even I don't like you. 1.4229 0.04654 201 135 47 19
336 Yesterday I fell and nobody heard me. 1.4229 0.04887 175 116 44 15
337 Have you tried branching out to new people? 1.4229 0.04750 175 114 48 13
338 You're too healthy to be a couch potato. 1.4227 0.04545 194 127 52 15
339 If you don't feel cruciferous, you don't have to identify as cruciferous. 1.4223 0.04724 206 141 43 22
340 I usually only see nuts. 1.4216 0.05174 185 130 32 23
341 ...so it is your belief that others will find you more attractive if you are smothered in melted cheese? 1.4216 0.04858 204 142 38 24
342 Well, Mr. Trump, you say it started when you changed your brand of hair colour? 1.4216 0.05005 204 145 32 27
343 It’s fine to be angry. Just don’t get steamed. 1.4213 0.04665 197 132 47 18
344 The kids will like you more when they’re older. 1.4208 0.04473 202 133 53 16
345 Many others also struggle with just being a side order. 1.4208 0.04361 202 131 57 14
346 If I were to tell you that I had a Brussel Sprout in here last week saying the same thing, would that make you feel better? 1.4208 0.04669 183 120 49 14
347 It appears you have Florets Syndrome. 1.4208 0.05040 183 126 37 20
348 Maybe you should branch out a little. 1.4206 0.04447 214 143 52 19
349 So, you say you fell, but no one could hear you? 1.4206 0.04593 214 146 46 22
350 I suggest you quit therapy while you’re a head. 1.4202 0.04704 188 125 47 16
351 So ... you fell in the forest but nobody heard. 1.4198 0.04624 212 145 45 22
352 Some of my best friends are deciduous. 1.4198 0.04526 212 143 49 20
353 We'll need to delve into the understory if we want to understand your sense of rootlessness. 1.4197 0.04439 193 125 55 13
354 I get it, your kids don’t like you. 1.4195 0.04533 205 137 50 18
355 Which nightmare was it this time—being chopped up or steamed? 1.4190 0.04455 210 140 52 18
356 You know, if someone says 'cauliflower lives matter,' it doesn't mean broccoli lives don't matter. 1.4190 0.04404 210 139 54 17
357 Remember the food pyramid is a social construct. 1.4190 0.04870 179 120 43 16
358 We need to look a little further into your family tree. 1.4188 0.04469 191 124 54 13
359 Don't you think it is time to admit the 4th grade play is over? 1.4186 0.05145 172 118 36 18
360 Sure, you’re good for them, but are they really good for you? 1.4185 0.04898 184 125 41 18
361 So, how are you feeling about being uprooted? 1.4184 0.04509 196 129 52 15
362 You are suffering with Shade-in-Freud 1.4184 0.04790 196 134 42 20
363 So you feel like a succulent soul born into a cruciferous body? 1.4178 0.04243 225 149 58 18
364 I don't think it's any easier being cauliflower or asparagus. 1.4176 0.04842 170 112 45 13
365 It's not your imagination. And I don't like you much either. 1.4174 0.04338 218 145 55 18
366 So let me see if I have this right...you're evergreen, but identify as deciduous? 1.4174 0.04692 230 164 36 30
367 Maybe you can work on being a better listener? Corn is all ears and they have lots of friends. 1.4163 0.04570 209 142 47 20
368 No, you're not paranoid ... but you need to accept that not everyone's going to like you. 1.4158 0.04482 190 124 53 13
369 Bush didn’t like you but I’m sure Biden does! 1.4157 0.04755 178 118 46 14
370 I think once they mature they'll realize how much they like you. 1.4155 0.04465 219 149 49 21
371 We don't use the term vegetable 1.4150 0.04874 200 140 37 23
372 I think you can back off on the vitamin supplements. 1.4149 0.04819 188 128 42 18
373 Can you describe your stalker? 1.4141 0.04177 198 126 62 10
374 It has been a pleasure to see you sprout over the last few weeks 1.4129 0.04311 201 131 57 13
375 With an attitude like that, you're going to end up in very hot water. 1.4129 0.04854 201 141 37 23
376 My greatest fear is being overcooked 1.4128 0.04112 235 156 61 18
377 You can't expect others to like you if you don't like yourself. 1.4127 0.04619 189 126 48 15
378 How long have you had this unbearable chirping in your head? 1.4126 0.04716 206 143 41 22
379 The frog was right. It's not easy being green. 1.4126 0.04217 223 148 58 17
380 Try turning that into a positive: ‘Woodpeckers love me’. 1.4126 0.04265 223 149 56 18
381 No, I was not there. But I am sure someone heard when you fell. 1.4124 0.05032 177 122 37 18
382 Whether you identify as a tree or as broccoli, there's still the issue of the legs. 1.4121 0.04732 199 137 42 20
383 ”So you say you made a sound when you fell. 1.4120 0.04410 216 146 51 19
384 So, at dinner, he wouldn’t even touch you? 1.4118 0.05047 170 116 38 16
385 So, let's work on how you can avoid getting steamed. 1.4118 0.04541 204 138 48 18
386 Tell me more about your family, tree. 1.4115 0.04567 192 128 49 15
387 Tell me about your roots. 1.4112 0.04656 197 134 45 18
388 No one said it is easy being green. 1.4109 0.04783 202 141 39 22
389 I prefer the term "Cruciferous American", it's more inclusive. 1.4107 0.05019 168 114 39 15
390 I don't know if you're a tree or a giant broccoli either. 1.4103 0.04296 234 160 52 22
391 You need to take "you're fresh" as a compliment. 1.4091 0.04648 176 116 48 12
392 You are the rare case that is actually hated by everyone. 1.4088 0.04947 181 125 38 18
393 I think you are ignoring the people who do like you. 1.4084 0.04204 191 122 60 9
394 So, how long have you felt, “pushed aside? 1.4078 0.04859 179 122 41 16
395 You're suffering from an inedible complex. 1.4076 0.04580 211 146 44 21
396 You aren’t being paranoid. Almost everyone hates you. 1.4072 0.04646 194 132 45 17
397 I hear you, it’s not easy being green. 1.4072 0.04703 194 133 43 18
398 I'll be honest: I might be the wrong kind of doctor for this. 1.4072 0.04964 167 113 40 14
399 I told you that I'd help you flower 1.4070 0.04563 199 135 47 17
400 I think you've gone too far with your plant- based diet 1.4070 0.04673 199 137 43 19
401 I believe your problem stem from your roots, so let's start there.. 1.4068 0.04487 177 115 52 10
402 So, you're feeling rootless. 1.4064 0.04362 219 149 51 19
403 Relax, sure. But don’t get into a vegetative state. 1.4062 0.04502 192 128 50 14
404 It’s not you. No one likes broccoli. 1.4061 0.04651 197 135 44 18
405 I figured you’d be steamed. 1.4059 0.04403 202 135 52 15
406 I know how hard it can be to put down roots. 1.4059 0.04232 202 132 58 12
407 When did the stalking problem begin? 1.4059 0.04403 202 135 52 15
408 What makes you think you're being stalked? 1.4056 0.04964 180 125 37 18
409 Well, they do say that heavy is the head that wears the crown. 1.4055 0.04341 217 147 52 18
410 Well, I like you. 1.4046 0.04769 173 116 44 13
411 Nobody ever wants me for my body. 1.4045 0.05067 178 125 34 19
412 Just because kale has become so popular doesn't make you any less important. 1.4044 0.04779 183 125 42 16
413 Let’s work on your irrational fear of dogs 1.4038 0.04471 208 142 48 18
414 I keep comparing myself to Kale 1.4035 0.05017 171 118 37 16
415 Do you have plans for lunch? 1.4034 0.04779 176 119 43 14
416 Just because you love carbon dioxide doesn't mean you're a bad tree. 1.4032 0.04784 186 128 41 17
417 You've got legs, feet, and eyes. I really don't think determining if you're a tree or a really large broccoli is what we need to be focusing on just now. 1.4032 0.04845 186 129 39 18
418 OK, why do YOU think everyone keeps trying to hook you up with a nice cheese sauce? 1.4031 0.04635 191 130 45 16
419 I can't help you, I've got too much on my plate. 1.4031 0.04923 191 135 35 21
420 So when did you realize it's not easy being green? 1.4031 0.04514 191 128 49 14
421 So you're telling me you could see the forest. 1.4030 0.04741 201 141 39 21
422 It’s your lack of roots that’s causing your sense of alienation. 1.4029 0.04395 206 139 51 16
423 Maybe people would like you more if they knew how to cook you properly. 1.4028 0.04322 211 142 53 16
424 People might start to like you if you added a little cheese sauce. 1.4028 0.04352 216 147 51 18
425 I think you should branch out more 1.4026 0.05090 154 104 38 12
426 Branching out might be a good idea 1.4024 0.04771 169 113 44 12
427 How long have you had this Oedible complex? 1.4021 0.05073 189 136 30 23
428 Let's explore what you mean by rediscovering your roots. 1.4018 0.04211 219 147 56 16
429 Can you tell me more about this dream where your mother is drowning in cheese sauce? 1.4012 0.04957 167 114 39 14
430 No, actually I hadn't heard of cauliflower privilege. Tell me more. 1.4011 0.04758 177 120 43 14
431 You’re so much more than just a name on the shopping list. 1.4010 0.04674 192 132 43 17
432 It's Beef AND broccoli. You're a team, stop thinking of yourself as less than. 1.4010 0.04556 192 130 47 15
433 It's good to see you branching out. 1.4010 0.04563 202 139 45 18
434 So you want them to like you. Then what? 1.4010 0.04431 207 141 49 17
435 Maybe if you covered yourself with cheese…… 1.4010 0.04536 207 143 45 19
436 You’re right, everyone does hate you. I recommend a dip. 1.4009 0.04038 212 138 63 11
437 In time, they'll grow to like you. 1.4000 0.04895 180 125 38 17
438 It might be healthier to arrange a Zoom meeting instead of completely uprooting yourself for a couple hours every week. 1.4000 0.05226 155 107 34 14
439 I am concerned that you seem to be languishing in a vegetative state. 1.4000 0.04726 175 118 44 13
440 So all the other trees have lost their leaves - you're special! 1.4000 0.04417 185 122 52 11
441 Actually the reverse is true. You're bitter because kids don't like you. 1.4000 0.04894 170 116 40 14
442 Everyone agrees you are “good for you”. It may be time for you to be good for yourself. 1.4000 0.04506 195 132 48 15
443 What if you branched out a little? 1.4000 0.04483 200 136 48 16
444 Your bitterness makes you who you are 1.3989 0.04682 188 129 43 16
445 So, you found yourself in hot water again. 1.3989 0.04496 188 126 49 13
446 Well doc ,it all started when kale came onto the scene" 1.3989 0.04836 183 127 39 17
447 It sounds like your childhood was roughage. 1.3989 0.04897 183 128 37 18
448 Don’t take it personally Mr, Peters, the truth is that all kids hate vegetables. 1.3989 0.04581 183 123 47 13
449 About how long have you been in this vegetative state? 1.3989 0.04803 178 122 41 15
450 It doesn’t matter that your kids don’t like broccoli. What matters is whether YOU like broccoli. 1.3989 0.04531 178 118 49 11
451 How long have you been considering transitioning to a carrot? 1.3980 0.04715 196 137 40 19
452 Have you tried promoting yourself with cheese sauce or lemon juice? 1.3971 0.04344 209 142 51 16
453 If she wants to slather you in cheese, I'd say just go with it. 1.3968 0.04478 189 127 49 13
454 Would you prefer I not take notes on paper? 1.3964 0.05051 169 118 35 16
455 Now we're back to when Bush 41 dissed you? Time to move on, Brocc, time to move on 1.3961 0.05246 154 107 33 14
456 Show me where the farmer touched you. 1.3960 0.05372 149 104 31 14
457 I see how you may feel uprooted 1.3959 0.04469 197 134 48 15
458 No wonder you feel uprooted. 1.3957 0.04509 187 126 48 13
459 Stop telling me! I'm not your therapist! This is a Waiting Room! 1.3957 0.04935 187 133 34 20
460 You’ve shown real growth over the last few years 1.3955 0.04884 177 123 38 16
461 Don't feel bad. Everybody hates broccoli. 1.3955 0.04140 220 148 57 15
462 We can’t all be organic 1.3953 0.04986 172 120 36 16
463 Have you thought about changing your name to bacon? 1.3951 0.04981 162 111 38 13
464 Its all broccollini this and broccollini that... 1.3951 0.04663 162 107 46 9
465 Heavy lies the crown, I know. 1.3949 0.04558 195 134 45 16
466 Let's find out together why you're so steamed all the time. 1.3944 0.04951 180 127 35 18
467 Are you sure that's what she meant by "stalking" ? 1.3942 0.04614 208 147 40 21
468 There are no jokes about me walking into a bar 1.3941 0.04886 170 117 39 14
469 Let's explore why you abandoned your roots. 1.3941 0.04318 203 137 52 14
470 Kermit was right. It's not easy being green. 1.3933 0.04862 178 124 38 16
471 I've seen many patients like you, though they're usually potatoes. 1.3931 0.04755 173 118 42 13
472 Try not to focus on taste - you are a great antioxidant! 1.3931 0.04825 173 119 40 14
473 Affirmation #1: "I don't need cheese sauce to be loved and valued." 1.3927 0.04740 191 134 39 18
474 You germinated as deciduous, but you identify as conifer? How does that make you feel? 1.3924 0.05066 158 109 36 13
475 Your dreams about being stalked are a reality… 1.3923 0.04176 209 140 56 13
476 It's not your imagination. Kids really don't like you. 1.3918 0.05138 171 122 31 18
477 Not everyone hates you. 1.3918 0.04452 194 132 48 14
478 Tell me again about this Hidden Valley Ranch. 1.3916 0.04740 166 112 43 11
479 Tell me again again about the mayonnaise dream 1.3913 0.04682 184 127 42 15
480 I know you’re good for me, but right now I’m just looking for some fun. 1.3913 0.04869 184 130 36 18
481 Well I do think it’s a bit much to say that all children hate you. 1.3913 0.04682 184 127 42 15
482 Have you ever thought your problem could stem from being rootless? 1.3913 0.04619 184 126 44 14
483 Exactly when did you lose connections with your roots? 1.3911 0.04442 202 139 47 16
484 Maybe your best mate isn't a vegetable at all. Have you considered a cheese? 1.3911 0.04774 179 124 40 15
485 other than dogs,what is your biggest concern?? 1.3911 0.04904 179 126 36 17
486 And how does that make you feel when people say you look more like broccoli than a tree? 1.3908 0.04802 174 120 40 14
487 Maybe you'd have more friends if you stop telling people how good you are for them? 1.3906 0.04946 192 139 31 22
488 No, it's not paranoia; most people really don't like you. 1.3905 0.05044 169 119 34 16
489 I’m being stalked 1.3905 0.04374 210 145 48 17
490 Let's talk about the first time you were stalked. 1.3900 0.04358 200 136 50 14
491 Well, I think the reason we'll never get to the root of your problems is obvious. 1.3900 0.04797 200 144 34 22
492 Rings are just a number, Mrs. Oak 1.3895 0.04769 172 118 41 13
493 Your affliction is akin to cauliflower ear. 1.3892 0.04794 167 114 41 12
494 My wife says I need to branch out ... 1.3889 0.04882 180 127 36 17
495 So, you want to part of the Green New Deal. 1.3889 0.05408 144 101 30 13
496 It's awkward now, but the dog is trainable. 1.3889 0.04736 162 109 43 10
497 Let’s accept that it’s ok if not everyone likes you. 1.3885 0.05452 139 97 30 12
498 I don’t know whether to treat you or eat you. 1.3882 0.05447 152 109 27 16
499 There must be some children that like you. 1.3881 0.04725 201 144 36 21
500 And were you throwing shade? 1.3878 0.05499 147 105 27 15
501 And how does it make you feel when no one hears you fall? 1.3876 0.04586 178 121 45 12
502 And all this began after binging on the PBS nature series? 1.3876 0.05047 178 128 31 19
503 My diagnosis is that your are suffering from dysmorphia, intrinsically linked to the au courant predilection for broccolini. 1.3875 0.04691 160 107 44 9
504 I’ve done wonders for kale and cauliflower… 1.3875 0.05015 160 111 36 13
505 Your not alone. Everyone but the pine trees feel unappreciated this time of year. 1.3874 0.04616 191 133 42 16
506 Have you tried roasting with Olive oil and parmesan? 1.3873 0.04887 173 121 37 15
507 I understand that bearded men with suspenders, flannel plaid shirts, and cargo pants are a trigger for you. 1.3873 0.04887 173 121 37 15
508 Can I get you some water? 1.3869 0.04619 168 113 45 10
509 If you were a person,what kind of person would you be? 1.3868 0.04493 212 150 42 20
510 I just can't figure out if I am a large broccoli or a small tree. 1.3867 0.05075 150 103 36 11
511 Look -- just because you're afraid of squirrels doesn't mean you're nuts. 1.3864 0.04477 176 118 48 10
512 Life is filled with dips. You have to learn how to move past them. 1.3862 0.04588 189 131 43 15
513 You must accept that you were born deciduous. It's not a lifestyle. 1.3862 0.04400 189 128 49 12
514 I realize it ain't easy being green. 1.3862 0.04464 189 129 47 13
515 I can't help but feel that your problem would be solved with some lemon and a little seasoning. 1.3855 0.04897 179 127 35 17
516 No, really. You are good with salt, you are good with butter, you are Really good with vinaigrette, you are good with so many things! 1.3851 0.04654 174 119 43 12
517 Tell me more about your feeling that all children hate you. 1.3846 0.04673 169 115 43 11
518 Perhaps if you branched out a little 1.3846 0.04852 156 106 40 10
519 Well I wouldn't call it carrot envy exactly. 1.3846 0.05182 156 110 32 14
520 Pardon my lack of professionalism, but I can't stand you. 1.3842 0.04528 177 120 46 11
521 There’s been a lot of growth. 1.3838 0.04655 185 129 41 15
522 Then my parents told me the Green Giant isn’t real. 1.3836 0.04952 159 110 37 12
523 Good news! I think you're out of the woods. 1.3830 0.05099 141 96 36 9
524 Before we get started I have to ask. Did anyone hear you falling? 1.3826 0.05268 149 105 31 13
525 Okay. Shall we go out on a limb with this branch of your therapy? 1.3826 0.05003 149 102 37 10
526 It’s your bitterness that’s turning people off… 1.3824 0.04576 170 115 45 10
527 I told you, if you fall and no one hears you, it's not personal. 1.3822 0.05154 157 111 32 14
528 No one was there to hear me fall. No one. 1.3819 0.05025 144 98 37 9
529 so you're worried his parents won't accept you because you're not a cauliflower? 1.3815 0.04809 173 121 38 14
530 No, I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to go on “Chopped.” 1.3815 0.04667 173 119 42 12
531 So, where did you get the feet? 1.3813 0.05246 139 96 33 10
532 It all started with President Bush. 1.3813 0.05384 160 117 25 18
533 You say that you were referred by Mr. Potato Head ? 1.3813 0.05160 160 114 31 15
534 As I understand it, you have a profound feeling of being totally uprooted. 1.3813 0.04926 160 111 37 12
535 I feel like nobody likes me. 1.3801 0.04917 171 121 35 15
536 You have really grown since our last session. 1.3799 0.04557 179 123 44 12
537 I'm happy to see that you branched out since our last session. 1.3797 0.04423 187 128 47 12
538 So tell me, what sound do you make when you fall in the forest and there's nobody around to hear it? 1.3796 0.05090 137 93 36 8
539 Who is this Al Dente you keep mentioning? 1.3796 0.05296 137 95 32 10
540 When did you first start to feel that the chicken nuggets were the main star of the dish? 1.3795 0.04485 166 111 47 8
541 Now, tell me again about your fear of birds. 1.3793 0.04646 174 120 42 12
542 How long have you been disconnected from your roots? 1.3791 0.05164 153 108 32 13
543 Clearly you're feeling unloved. We can address this with therapy or cheese sauce. 1.3789 0.04902 161 112 37 12
544 Let's talk about your fear of meatless Mondays. 1.3789 0.04980 161 113 35 13
545 You shouldn't feel bad....people in California really love you! 1.3785 0.04728 177 124 39 14
546 When she told you you give her gas, how did it make you feel? 1.3785 0.04660 177 123 41 13
547 So, you’re saying you feel inferior to kale? 1.3782 0.04927 156 108 37 11
548 No one likes me either. 1.3778 0.04737 180 127 38 15
549 Tell me why you think everyone hates you. 1.3778 0.05243 135 93 33 9
550 C'mon now, not "everybody" hates you! 1.3776 0.04943 143 97 38 8
551 I keep feeling that I am being stalked. 1.3775 0.05210 151 107 31 13
552 Sorry, most people hate broccoli. 1.3774 0.05101 159 113 32 14
553 I'd say your insecurities are a product of your imagination, but I don't like you either. 1.3774 0.04942 159 111 36 12
554 Why do you think no one likes you? 1.3772 0.04776 167 116 39 12
555 Sorry about the uncomfortable couch. Most of my patients are deciduous. 1.3772 0.04997 167 119 33 15
556 Always being told that “mighty oaks from little acorns grow” put too much expectations on you. 1.3770 0.04808 183 131 35 17
557 Maybe you're using the cheese to cover something up? 1.3758 0.04644 157 106 43 8
558 How long have you had this obsession with ‘Roots?’ 1.3758 0.04556 157 105 45 7
559 It's not just about you and Randy, you know. ALL kids hate broccoli and they hate ALL broccoli. 1.3758 0.04890 165 116 36 13
560 And why do you think that children dislike you? 1.3757 0.04516 181 125 44 12
561 What you’re experiencing is a textbook case of Side-Dish Association. 1.3750 0.05114 168 122 29 17
562 How long have you felt like someone was stalking you ? 1.3750 0.04522 168 114 45 9
563 The doctor said there was a chance I could end up a vegetable but I didn’t think this is what he meant. 1.3750 0.05013 144 99 36 9
564 Tell me more about why you're so steamed. 1.3743 0.04469 171 116 46 9
565 I’ll have to charge extra since you’re organic. 1.3742 0.05026 155 109 34 12
566 Well, feelings of existential abandonment can stem from being cut off from one's roots. 1.3742 0.04769 155 106 40 9
567 I don't wanna be nutritious--I wanna be popular! 1.3741 0.04750 147 99 41 7
568 Remember it wasn't your choice to be deciduous. 1.3740 0.04887 131 87 39 5
569 You must've been really steamed about that. 1.3736 0.04708 174 122 39 13
570 Never question your own worth, especially at today’s lumber prices. 1.3736 0.04778 174 123 37 14
571 No one will like you until you like yourself first. 1.3736 0.04708 174 122 39 13
572 And what makes you think you are a broccoli? 1.3735 0.04790 166 116 38 12
573 " So,you feel this 'Rabe' fellow is getting all the attention? " 1.3734 0.04621 158 107 43 8
574 I know you're exhausted but that's not an excuse for lying there like a vegetable. 1.3733 0.05142 150 106 32 12
575 So, you grew up in Brooklyn? 1.3733 0.05397 150 109 26 15
576 Don't be silly! Of course I wasn't thinking about yummy cheese sauce. 1.3732 0.04958 142 97 37 8
577 Even if no one is around, I hear you. 1.3730 0.04639 185 131 39 15
578 So she called you short and stalky? 1.3729 0.04720 177 125 38 14
579 It’s time for you to branch out. 1.3725 0.04626 153 103 43 7
580 Tell me about the first time that you went into a vegetative state. 1.3725 0.04984 153 107 35 11
581 So you're a vegetable. Accept it and move on. 1.3724 0.05265 145 103 30 12
582 The problem is you need to put down roots somewhere. 1.3720 0.04750 164 114 39 11
583 Let’s start with your family tree to discuss your medical issues. 1.3718 0.05081 156 111 32 13
584 What do you mean by 'nobody likes you'? 1.3718 0.04916 156 109 36 11
585 I want to see other poems. 1.3718 0.05162 156 112 30 14
586 Clearly, you're still raw. 1.3716 0.04724 148 100 41 7
587 Look, we all have to deal with our expiry date, it's a fact of life." 1.3716 0.04673 183 130 38 15
588 Does Cauliflower know you don't want kids? 1.3712 0.05421 132 93 29 10
589 You have treechinosis. 1.3712 0.05526 132 94 27 11
590 You are not a stalker! 1.3712 0.05313 132 92 31 9
591 You need to go back to your roots. 1.3706 0.04780 170 120 37 13
592 Not all of our Presidents hated you... 1.3706 0.04780 170 120 37 13
593 Just relax. Take a hot steam bath, maybe olive oil with a lemon drizzle, and a pinch of salt. 1.3704 0.05335 135 95 30 10
594 Your kid will like you one day. 1.3699 0.05325 146 105 28 13
595 Today we are going to explore your fear of Broccoli Cheese Soup 1.3693 0.04377 176 120 47 9
596 It's not you're imagination,most people do hate you. 1.3691 0.05417 149 109 25 15
597 Yes, children can be mean sometimes. 1.3691 0.05332 149 108 27 14
598 So you’re having dreams of being frozen and revived only to be eaten alive? 1.3690 0.04963 168 121 32 15
599 Yes, but can you handle the stress of becoming a Branch Manager 1.3687 0.05141 160 116 29 15
600 And you start to get this feeling of loss each autumn? 1.3687 0.04907 160 113 35 12
601 When did you first notice you were feeling uprooted? 1.3687 0.04743 179 128 36 15
602 Which branch of the family concerns you? 1.3687 0.04540 179 125 42 12
603 For you, "throwing shade" is a good thing... 1.3684 0.05594 133 96 25 12
604 I meant to say chief of psychology - not chef 1.3684 0.04358 190 132 46 12
605 Yes,it's true nobody likes you, without butter. 1.3684 0.04459 171 117 45 9
606 So, you grew in Brooklyn. 1.3684 0.05594 133 96 25 12
607 What's your preferred pronoun? 1.3684 0.04912 152 106 36 10
608 Your husband is a lumberjack? What were you thinking!” 1.3681 0.05146 163 119 28 16
609 Give it to me straight doc.Don't butter me up. 1.3681 0.04920 163 116 34 13
610 This isn't what I had in mind when I told you to start branching out more. 1.3681 0.04842 163 115 36 12
611 She does love you but she can’t always see the tree for the forest. 1.3678 0.04769 174 124 36 14
612 We accept HMOs... not GMOs. 1.3677 0.04931 155 109 35 11
613 You're only fantasizing that you've caught Dutch elm disease. You're a hemlock. 1.3676 0.05793 136 101 20 15
614 So you have this problem since the first Bush presidency? 1.3676 0.05504 136 98 26 12
615 I’m sure you made a noise when you fell! 1.3675 0.04780 166 117 37 12
616 But are you a happy antioxidant? 1.3673 0.05116 147 104 32 11
617 I just feel so raw whenever I come here. 1.3673 0.05206 147 105 30 12
618 You say you're afraid you might snap? 1.3671 0.04947 158 112 34 12
619 When did the dreams about chewing and spitting children into your napkin start? 1.3669 0.05698 139 103 21 15
620 Being healthy does not guarantee your relationships will be too. 1.3669 0.04645 169 118 40 11
621 You have a cruciferous complex. 1.3667 0.05217 150 108 29 13
622 We need to confront that fact you're a huge stalker 1.3665 0.04801 161 113 37 11
623 So this George Bush Sr guy is still giving you nightmares... 1.3662 0.05045 142 99 34 9
624 It's not a chemical imbalance. Your nitrogen, phosphorous, and potassium levels are fine. 1.3661 0.04467 183 128 43 12
625 I support your decision to branch out. 1.3660 0.05143 153 110 30 13
626 Perhaps more people would like you if you tried presenting yourself oven-roasted with bacon and slivered almonds. 1.3659 0.04971 164 118 32 14
627 You really want me to call you "Bro"? 1.3659 0.06029 123 91 19 13
628 It's not personal - they all fly away in the Fall. 1.3657 0.05559 134 97 25 12
629 I know you're good for people - but are people good for you? 1.3656 0.04547 186 132 40 14
630 Now, Mr. Broccoli, what makes you think that nobody likes you? 1.3656 0.04610 186 133 38 15
631 You’re a tree that can walk, talk and see but your biggest problem is that you don’t think birds respect you? 1.3655 0.04776 145 99 39 7
632 I don't think your fear of melted cheese is unreasonable at all. 1.3653 0.04906 167 120 33 14
633 Have you considered that you're no longer in your salad days? 1.3652 0.04551 178 125 41 12
634 Your problem is you can’t see the forest because you’re a tree. 1.3649 0.05176 148 106 30 12
635 With you it’s all stalk, no action. 1.3649 0.04996 148 104 34 10
636 So even the sound of a chain saw gives you panic attacks? 1.3647 0.04622 170 119 40 11
637 I understand your confusion with self-identification. However, if this cartoon were in color it would be abundantly clear if you are in fact a tree or broccoli. 1.3647 0.05123 170 126 26 18
638 Tell me more about these dreams of men in red flannel shirts coming to get you. 1.3643 0.04884 140 96 37 7
639 No one was around but I sincerely made a sound when I fell in the woods. 1.3642 0.05102 151 108 31 12
640 Let's work on getting you out of your own head 1.3642 0.04856 162 115 35 12
641 I'm gonna go out on a limb here and guess that you're feeling uprooted. 1.3636 0.04584 176 124 40 12
642 You know, there is a cruciferous support group. 1.3636 0.05188 132 92 32 8
643 What makes you feel you are being stalked? 1.3636 0.04794 165 117 36 12
644 You say George Washington did this to you? 1.3636 0.05197 154 112 28 14
645 It's perfectly normal. I don't like you, either. 1.3636 0.05512 132 95 26 11
646 Well, I’m stumped. 1.3630 0.04945 146 102 35 9
647 Let’s talk about your family roots 1.3626 0.04127 171 114 52 5
648 You clearly have deep rooted issues. 1.3626 0.04525 171 119 42 10
649 How, exactly, would a hugger ask permission? 1.3625 0.04563 160 110 42 8
650 I regret to inform you that you are in a vegetative state 1.3623 0.05137 138 97 32 9
651 You look a little blanched today, gotten into hot water again? 1.3621 0.04689 174 124 37 13
652 It's also valid for you not to grow in Brooklyn. 1.3615 0.05461 130 93 27 10
653 Ok out of respect I’ve already agreed to not write anything down on paper.” 1.3614 0.04770 166 118 36 12
654 And what do you think about whether you make a sound? 1.3614 0.04994 166 121 30 15
655 It must be hard watching the other S.T.E.M. get all the attention now. 1.3613 0.05406 155 116 22 17
656 In order to dig deeper, we're going to have to explore your roots. 1.3608 0.04685 158 110 39 9
657 You appear a bit rootless. 1.3605 0.04866 172 125 32 15
658 So, you're really saying you are in over your head? 1.3600 0.05205 150 109 28 13
659 To be honest, I just don't like you. 1.3598 0.04884 164 118 33 13
660 Given the shape you’re in I’m referring you to an Arborist. 1.3597 0.05106 139 98 32 9
661 What is clear is that you've lost all connection with your roots. 1.3595 0.04693 153 106 39 8
662 He was wrong about Quayle too. 1.3592 0.05031 142 100 33 9
663 So you're saying, people just buy you to throw you away? 1.3588 0.05091 131 91 33 7
664 Your problem is that you keep people from seeing the forest. 1.3587 0.04505 184 131 40 13
665 Before we start--how do you spell 'broccoli'?" 1.3582 0.05545 134 98 24 12
666 You're still better off than kale. 1.3581 0.04795 148 103 37 8
667 So your mother would spray your hair with Parmesan? 1.3579 0.06509 95 69 18 8
668 How long has stalking been a problem for you? 1.3577 0.05153 137 97 31 9
669 I know rejection hurts. But have you considered that she’s only three? 1.3577 0.05357 137 99 27 11
670 When did you first realize you were no longer a nut? 1.3576 0.05426 151 113 22 16
671 I’m not sure therapy will be useful for you. Have considered topiary instead? 1.3571 0.05176 140 100 30 10
672 It sounds like you get too easily steamed. 1.3571 0.05275 140 101 28 11
673 So you were left off the holiday menu again. 1.3571 0.04934 154 110 33 11
674 Let me get this straight: You have an irrational fear that you will be diagnosed as being in a permanent vegetative state. 1.3568 0.04739 185 136 32 17
675 Well, you are what you eat! 1.3566 0.04801 143 99 37 7
676 You tend to hide behind your rapini-sharp wit, don't you/ 1.3562 0.04464 160 110 43 7
677 Why are you bitter today? 1.3562 0.04835 146 102 36 8
678 And in this nightmare, are there other vegetables on the cutting board too? 1.3562 0.05026 146 104 32 10
679 When you say "bitter", do you mean emotionally or physically? 1.3558 0.04661 163 115 38 10
680 I just always feel like I'm being stalked 1.3557 0.05135 149 108 29 12
681 Forget about George H.W. Bush already -- I bet Biden likes you just fine. 1.3556 0.05201 135 96 30 9
682 I know. Nobody gets hugged anymore. 1.3556 0.05306 135 97 28 10
683 We all feel rootless sometimes 1.3556 0.04872 135 93 36 6
684 There are, however, some advantages to being uneaten at a holiday meal. 1.3553 0.04797 152 107 36 9
685 Let's examine your roots. You said your mother wasn't a very giving tree? 1.3553 0.04612 152 105 40 7
686 Get past the percieved bitterness of cruciferous vegetables and embrace your role as a superfood. 1.3551 0.05224 138 99 29 10
687 So you say you husband was killed in a cuisinart? 1.3546 0.05433 141 104 24 13
688 No, I'm afraid I don't know how it feels to be attacked by woodpeckers. 1.3538 0.05106 130 91 32 7
689 These days we all feel rootless. 1.3538 0.05222 130 92 30 8
690 You’re a walking paradox. You have much going for you, in spite of not being rooted in anything at all. 1.3529 0.05274 136 98 28 10
691 You want people to like you, but you are afraid of what comes next. 1.3529 0.05034 153 111 30 12
692 So you say kale's getting all the attention, how does that make you feel? 1.3529 0.04965 170 126 28 16
693 Cornrows aren't for everyone 1.3529 0.05282 119 83 30 6
694 I see we've lost some ground since your last visit. 1.3529 0.05376 136 99 26 11
695 The good news is green is the new black. 1.3529 0.05034 153 111 30 12
696 To be honest, I've always hated you too. 1.3521 0.04916 142 100 34 8
697 What is it about the word cruciferous that you find so offensive? 1.3521 0.05307 142 104 26 12
698 No, no I suppose you're right. I guess Christmas trees do get all the attention this time of year. 1.3521 0.04814 142 99 36 7
699 You can't blame everything on cauliflower. 1.3520 0.05478 125 90 26 9
700 Your problems don’t seem to be very deep-rooted. 1.3514 0.04684 148 103 38 7
701 Why do you think people don’t like you? 1.3511 0.05301 131 94 28 9
702 Its your leaves...you have to be willing to let go 1.3510 0.05078 151 110 29 12
703 I understand how cruciferous could be confusing. 1.3510 0.04622 151 105 39 7
704 How often do you feel you are stalked? 1.3510 0.05164 151 111 27 13
705 Let me understand, you think your crown is lying too heavy on your head? 1.3507 0.05217 134 96 29 9
706 Building a nest in your branches without consent IS emotionally abusive. 1.3506 0.04921 154 111 32 11
707 I see it as the kids not want to eat you as a good thing. 1.3504 0.04814 137 95 36 6
708 Sometimes, a vegetable is just a vegetable. 1.3504 0.04814 137 95 36 6
709 And it's the same nightmare, about men with chainsaws? 1.3504 0.05138 137 98 30 9
710 I feel like the vegans are out to get me. 1.3504 0.05032 137 97 32 8
711 This is a lot to digest in one sitting. 1.3504 0.05823 137 105 16 16
712 . . . and how long have you had this rootless feeling? 1.3503 0.04855 157 113 33 11
713 It must be very hard that everyone says they want more vegetables in their life but no one calls 1.3497 0.04483 163 114 41 8
714 No, I didn't hear you fall, but I hear you now. 1.3497 0.04483 163 114 41 8
715 What I'm hearing is that you're really steamed. 1.3497 0.04888 143 101 34 8
716 I think I can see the root cause of your problems. 1.3497 0.04888 143 101 34 8
717 Everyone deserves to feel heard,even if they fall in a forest when no one's around. 1.3496 0.05654 123 90 23 10
718 It's okay if you identify as cauliflower, I don't see color. 1.3494 0.04429 166 116 42 8
719 So, tell me more about this nightmare in which you are chopped up and thrown into hot vegetable oil. 1.3493 0.04721 146 102 37 7
720 For one, I think you'd be happier living outdoors. 1.3493 0.04917 146 104 33 9
721 Maybe you should lay off the sauce! 1.3493 0.04721 146 102 37 7
722 Doctor, I feel like no one likes me. 1.3492 0.05203 126 89 30 7
723 Well if George H.W. Bush said that he hated me then that might make me feel a little insecure too. 1.3492 0.05781 126 94 20 12
724 Do you identify as a small tree or a giant broccoli spear? 1.3490 0.04755 149 105 36 8
725 How long have you felt like broccolini trapped in a broccoli body? 1.3490 0.04942 149 107 32 10
726 Nobody likes me unless I'm steamed and drowning in cheese. 1.3490 0.04849 149 106 34 9
727 You’d like to date a cauliflower? 1.3490 0.04942 149 107 32 10
728 ...so basically you're telling me that you don't feel grounded. 1.3488 0.04631 172 124 36 12
729 Well, I think you might be a floret AND a stalk. 1.3487 0.04962 152 110 31 11
730 I think of you as a friend with health benefits. 1.3485 0.05267 132 95 28 9
731 I've been advised you need stalk therapy. 1.3481 0.05185 135 97 29 9
732 It's important we find what's at the root of your problems 1.3481 0.05291 135 98 27 10
733 You're not out of the woods yet. 1.3481 0.05077 135 96 31 8
734 I think your seasonal affective disorder should clear up in the fall. 1.3481 0.04572 158 111 39 8
735 You don’t need the melted cheese-people like you just the way you are. 1.3481 0.04572 158 111 39 8
736 I think you need to go back to your roots. 1.3478 0.05929 115 85 20 10
737 You say kids don't like you. 1.3476 0.04938 164 121 29 14
738 It can be hard to grow in the shadow of your parents 1.3475 0.04826 141 99 35 7
739 No, there isn’t a word for “fear of vegans”. 1.3473 0.04724 167 121 34 12
740 Maybe it's time to put down some roots. 1.3472 0.04759 144 101 36 7
741 Well,to be brutally honest, you’re just not very likable. 1.3468 0.05377 124 89 27 8
742 Yes, falling and no one hears you is worrisome, but we can work on this together. 1.3468 0.05615 124 91 23 10
743 Therapy could help you find your roots. 1.3468 0.05731 124 92 21 11
744 Try to understand. Not everyone can be poplar. 1.3465 0.05289 127 91 28 8
745 You want respect and love. The only way we get there is with cheese therapy. 1.3465 0.05047 127 89 32 6
746 So your rejection anxiety began with George H W Bush? 1.3462 0.04970 130 91 33 6
747 I am certain it's seasonal affective disorder. We should meet again in the spring. 1.3459 0.05234 133 96 28 9
748 I don’t think George Bush much cares for either of us. 1.3457 0.04901 162 119 30 13
749 Your problems seem deep-rooted. 1.3456 0.05046 136 97 31 8
750 How long have you identified as cruciferous? 1.3456 0.05153 136 98 29 9
751 Let's start with your roots. 1.3456 0.04826 136 95 35 6
752 And you say nobody heard you fall? We’re there any people around? 1.3455 0.05393 110 77 28 5
753 How long have you identified as cauliflower? 1.3455 0.04913 165 122 29 14
754 There is nothing wrong with being a poison oak who identifies as broccoli, but you have to accept that nobody is going to like you either way. 1.3453 0.04758 139 97 36 6
755 I'm sorry, but our kitchen timer is up. 1.3453 0.05471 139 104 22 13
756 Wherever you fall, you’re allowed to make a sound. 1.3453 0.04972 139 99 32 8
757 So tell me, today do you feel more like broccoli or tree? 1.3446 0.04669 148 104 37 7
758 I’ve just been so steamed lately. 1.3444 0.04887 151 109 32 10
759 So you say you feel uprooted ... 1.3442 0.04908 154 112 31 11
760 And how often do you have this "veggie burger" dream? 1.3440 0.05218 125 89 29 7
761 Unfortunately, Medicare doesn't cover termites. 1.3440 0.04965 125 87 33 5
762 I appreciate the desire to branch out. The problem is, you've abandoned your roots, which is actually stunting your growth." 1.3440 0.05691 125 93 21 11
763 Have you tried dipping yourself in cheese? 1.3438 0.05136 128 91 30 7
764 It's the holidays, not the hollandaise. 1.3438 0.05483 128 94 24 10
765 I love you, Helen, especially with ranch dip. 1.3438 0.05370 128 93 26 9
766 You’re feeling depressed BECAUSE nobody wants to eat you? 1.3438 0.05370 128 93 26 9
767 My sense is that when you were an acorn, you didn't fall far enough from the tree. 1.3438 0.05483 128 94 24 10
768 Face it,your parents were nuts! 1.3433 0.05515 134 100 22 12
769 I think that bitterness is going to stay with you. We'll have to find a way to work with it. 1.3433 0.05201 134 97 28 9
770 Look, you’re going to have empty nests every year. Deal with it. 1.3433 0.05092 134 96 30 8
771 When did you first start feeling you'd been uprooted from your family?' 1.3433 0.05515 134 100 22 12
772 Then we're agreed: if it's a girl, 'Florette,' if it's a boy, 'Stalker.' 1.3429 0.05147 140 102 28 10
773 Kermit, too, had a hard time being green 1.3427 0.04770 143 101 35 7
774 It's not just your feelings that are still raw. 1.3427 0.04973 143 103 31 9
775 I really think we’re getting to the root of your problem. 1.3426 0.05607 108 77 25 6
776 You were BORN deciduous; it's not your fault - change is good! 1.3425 0.05450 146 111 20 15
777 I’m sure it was traumatic. But before we begin, I have to know - was there a sound? 1.3423 0.05794 111 81 22 8
778 Are you still feeling raw? 1.3423 0.04835 149 107 33 9
779 I removed the pillow to help with your lumber support. 1.3423 0.05196 149 111 25 13
780 It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks; you know you made a sound. 1.3421 0.05206 152 114 24 14
781 How long have you felt you're being stalked? 1.3419 0.04966 155 114 29 12
782 I like Ranch, too. 1.3419 0.04707 155 111 35 9
783 Have you ever considered branching out? 1.3418 0.04646 158 113 36 9
784 I might be going out on a limb, or barking up the wrong tree, but I feel you have some deep-rooted issues. 1.3416 0.04671 161 116 35 10
785 Why do you think people hate you? 1.3415 0.05269 123 88 28 7
786 Are you a stalker? 1.3413 0.05305 126 91 27 8
787 So what? I also fell, and it was a busy street and not in a forest. And still, nobody noticed. 1.3411 0.05103 129 92 30 7
788 I see people dressing me with their eyes". 1.3411 0.05220 129 93 28 8
789 Yes, I’m a doctor , but not a tree surgeon. 1.3409 0.05466 132 98 23 11
790 Great job branching out! 1.3409 0.04908 132 93 33 6
791 To be honest, it will be more than one session before you’re out of the woods. 1.3406 0.05393 138 103 23 12
792 The new opportunity sounds good for you, but how does your family feel about being uprooted? 1.3406 0.04769 138 97 35 6
793 When I snap my fingers, you will arise from this vegetative state 1.3404 0.05016 141 102 30 9
794 I think it's all in your head. 1.3403 0.05136 144 106 27 11
795 Wait. Do you suppose they are saying cruciferous not crucify. 1.3401 0.05062 147 108 28 11
796 The weight will be off your mind in the fall. 1.3401 0.05153 147 109 26 12
797 Being an acorn when you are young does not make you nuts. 1.3397 0.05104 156 117 25 14
798 I was roasted and pushed to the side again 1.3396 0.04622 159 114 36 9
799 I know, and I agree, it IS annoying that so many people love Kale now. 1.3396 0.04707 159 115 34 10
800 I never used to like you, either. 1.3391 0.05778 115 85 21 9
801 Being called "Cruciferous" is not a bad thing. 1.3387 0.05357 124 90 26 8
802 It's perfectly natural to think everyone is trying to cut you down. 1.3386 0.05027 127 90 31 6
803 When did your condition branch out to your head? 1.3385 0.05627 130 98 20 12
804 It feels like if I fell no one would even notice. 1.3383 0.05106 133 96 29 8
805 Now let's discuss your shady past 1.3383 0.05217 133 97 27 9
806 Have you considered planting roots and staying in one place? 1.3383 0.04760 133 93 35 5
807 Really, I never did it with a vegetable before 1.3382 0.05029 136 98 30 8
808 It's natural to feel anxious when you uproot." 1.3382 0.05242 136 100 26 10
809 I think we’re making some real progress here. I can see you’re branching out. 1.3381 0.05262 139 103 25 11
810 No! You do NOT live in Brooklyn! 1.3381 0.05162 139 102 27 10
811 I can’t imagine how tough it is when other kids hate you, but their parents love you. 1.3381 0.04956 139 100 31 8
812 Honestly, I'm better with Fruits and Nuts than I am with Vegetables. 1.3381 0.04956 139 100 31 8
813 Tell me when you began to fear you were being stalked. 1.3381 0.05060 139 101 29 9
814 But do you still want to identify as cruciferous? 1.3380 0.05182 142 105 26 11
815 It may be of some comfort for you to know that both kale and spinach suffer from what is known as “broccoli envy.” 1.3380 0.04676 142 100 36 6
816 How does it make you feel when others in the Bunch refer to you as a Laughing Stalk? 1.3363 0.05707 113 83 22 8
817 You should take it with a grain of salt. 1.3362 0.05468 116 84 25 7
818 I'm sure Kale didn't mean to replace you. 1.3361 0.05102 119 84 30 5
819 Remember, you’re still behind the dentist and cold weather . 1.3361 0.05155 122 87 29 6
820 Sounds like you think everyone is only out for your head. 1.3360 0.05321 125 91 26 8
821 You said you feel disliked by children - tell me more about that. 1.3360 0.05673 125 94 20 11
822 You look pretty healthy to me. 1.3359 0.06002 128 100 13 15
823 Just be calm. You get steamed so easily, 1.3359 0.05235 128 93 27 8
824 Not everyone's going to like you. 1.3359 0.05038 131 94 30 7
825 Good point, I've never had a president say that about me. 1.3358 0.05074 134 97 29 8
826 And in this dream,how many forks were there? 1.3358 0.05074 134 97 29 8
827 I really think it's all in your head." 1.3358 0.04999 137 99 30 8
828 Do you ever feel green? 1.3358 0.05105 137 100 28 9
829 Do you sometimes wish that broccolini had never been born? 1.3357 0.04821 140 100 33 7
830 I recommend taking a nice Ranch dip to decompress. People will start liking you more that way. 1.3356 0.04887 146 106 31 9
831 You're in a safe space. I promise that no one wants to eat you here. 1.3356 0.04689 146 104 35 7
832 You’re here to see the brocktologist? 1.3355 0.04755 152 110 33 9
833 So you say your friends are stalking you? 1.3354 0.04401 161 114 40 7
834 I think what I hear you saying is that you have trouble putting down roots… 1.3354 0.04837 164 122 29 13
835 When did you first notice you were bitter? 1.3333 0.05449 132 99 22 11
836 Trust me, if you can just stay in the crisper until January 1st, you’re going to make a huge comeback. 1.3333 0.05316 129 95 25 9
837 I know it's hard, but it's December. You have to learn to let go, already. 1.3333 0.04852 123 86 33 4
838 Roughage can be a term of endearment. 1.3333 0.04988 123 87 31 5
839 Maybe you just need to get back to your roots. 1.3333 0.04602 150 107 36 7
840 Just because you’re good for everyone doesn’t mean they’re good for you. 1.3333 0.05383 114 82 26 6
841 Sometimes I too feel like Broc Obama. 1.3333 0.06062 114 87 16 11
842 I can tell something’s been eating you. 1.3333 0.04963 129 92 31 6
843 Heavy lies the crown. 1.3333 0.04792 150 109 32 9
844 Yes, I know they cut you down, but they left your feet. 1.3333 0.05043 135 98 29 8
845 I think you need to put down some roots. 1.3333 0.05006 132 95 30 7
846 So who's your barber? 1.3333 0.04751 138 98 34 6
847 Have you tried branching out? 1.3333 0.04897 141 102 31 8
848 Seems to me you've become alienated from your roots. 1.3333 0.04646 132 92 36 4
849 It's been 30 years. You have to let the George Bush thing go. 1.3333 0.05627 111 81 23 7
850 Listen, being pissed on over and over doesn’t make you a bad person. 1.3333 0.05593 120 89 22 9
851 Now this is not to be repeated but people really do like you, it's your cousin Brussels sprouts they hate. 1.3333 0.04447 153 108 39 6
852 Yes, kids hate you. Isn’t enough that mothers everywhere love you? 1.3333 0.05005 117 82 31 4
853 How long have you been vegan? 1.3333 0.05496 123 91 23 9
854 I was wondering. How do you feel about branching out? 1.3333 0.04729 153 111 33 9
855 It could just be gas. 1.3333 0.05120 132 96 28 8
856 You seem a little steamed. 1.3333 0.05232 132 97 26 9
857 To tree or not to tree 1.3333 0.05248 123 89 27 7
858 So you are saying that both your parents were nuts? 1.3333 0.05554 132 100 20 12
859 Don’t think of yourself as a “little tree.” Think of yourself as a big vegetable. 1.3333 0.04928 144 105 30 9
860 Just because you're a stalk doesn't mean you're a stalker. Always remember that. 1.3333 0.04885 150 110 30 10
861 These twittering sounds, have you being hearing them long? 1.3333 0.05257 135 100 25 10
862 Don't worry, in the fall you'll have less on your mind. 1.3333 0.05616 123 92 21 10
863 Well, yes, you must be steamed! 1.3333 0.05074 138 101 28 9
864 Uprooting is never easy. Give yourself some more time to adjust. 1.3312 0.04792 154 113 31 10
865 Unfair as it seems, you'll just have to accept that some people will be frightened by you appearance. 1.3312 0.05134 154 117 23 14
866 So deep down you’re a sweet potato? 1.3312 0.04519 154 110 37 7
867 What I’m hearing you say is that it’s all in your head.” 1.3311 0.04858 151 111 30 10
868 You might feel less restricted if you branched out a little more. 1.3311 0.04637 148 106 35 7
869 My previous practice was with children, but I decided to branch out. 1.3310 0.04800 145 105 32 8
870 Wait a minute, don't let all that superior nutritional rating go right to your head! 1.3310 0.04800 145 105 32 8
871 It is natural for you to feel a sense of loss in the Fall 1.3310 0.04550 142 100 37 5
872 Sure the Green Giant is bigger and stronger, but you've got a better head on your shoulders - so I'd focus on that! 1.3310 0.04764 142 102 33 7
873 It might be a good time to 'branch out.' 1.3309 0.05245 139 104 24 11
874 Heavy hangs the head that wears the crown?" Talk about that 1.3309 0.05245 139 104 24 11
875 Tell me, did it make a sound when you fell? 1.3309 0.05145 139 103 26 10
876 I understand your concern about having to be on pizza. Pineapple has the same complaints. 1.3308 0.05307 133 99 24 10
877 Is the loss of leaves a recurring problem ? 1.3308 0.05413 133 100 22 11
878 Well, that's it. I'm stumped! 1.3308 0.05503 130 98 21 11
879 I may be going out on a limb here,... 1.3307 0.05250 127 93 26 8
880 I think you're having a hard time seeing the trees for the florets. 1.3307 0.05130 127 92 28 7
881 Maybe you’d find the acceptance you crave if you tried a little Hollandaise sauce. 1.3306 0.05458 124 92 23 9
882 It's not easy being green? That's all you've got? Let's switch. 1.3306 0.05428 121 89 24 8
883 When did you start feeling that your bottom half was disposable? 1.3305 0.05254 118 85 27 6
884 I know you think everyone hates you, but just imagine being an eggplant. 1.3304 0.06016 115 88 16 11
885 Sometimes, I think I am a tree 1.3304 0.05439 112 81 25 6
886 This is key. Are you a tree or a piece of broccoli? 1.3304 0.05585 112 82 23 7
887 Among other things I was accused of blocking the view of the forest 1.3304 0.05727 112 83 21 8
888 Saving the world by capturing carbon is a lot of pressure, but first I think we should deal with your fear of racoons." 1.3302 0.05643 106 77 23 6
889 It’s autumn, just let go. 1.3290 0.04677 155 113 33 9
890 You have to stop stalking me. 1.3289 0.04804 149 109 31 9
891 I'm sorry to say I didn't hear you when you fell in the forest. 1.3285 0.05192 137 102 25 10
892 I suggest you get back to your roots. 1.3285 0.05192 137 102 25 10
893 Tell me this doc, what does cauliflower have that I don't? 1.3284 0.04943 134 97 30 7
894 Doc, one day I feel like a tree then next a stick of broccoli. Am I wrong to blame the artist? 1.3284 0.05482 134 102 20 12
895 It seems that "persistent vegetative state" isn't quite what I thought. 1.3284 0.05056 134 98 28 8
896 I'm afraid your bark is worse than your blight." 1.3284 0.05273 134 100 24 10
897 It IS about inner growth, but stop measuring your value by how many rings you have.... 1.3284 0.04466 134 93 38 3
898 So you're feeling uprooted? 1.3282 0.05018 131 95 29 7
899 You can't base your self worth on popularity. Everyone acknowledges how healthy you are! 1.3282 0.05247 131 97 25 9
900 You lack the tenderness a healthy relationship requires. 1.3282 0.04900 131 94 31 6
901 Ok some people don't like broccoli. That doesn't make you bad. 1.3282 0.05134 131 96 27 8
902 If you ask me, it sounds like it's all in your head. 1.3282 0.05466 131 99 21 11
903 Yes, I've heard the expression, "Heavy is the crown." 1.3281 0.05096 128 93 28 7
904 Tell me, when did you begin to feel uprooted? 1.3281 0.05096 128 93 28 7
905 So, they keep hugging you without your permission? 1.3281 0.04974 128 92 30 6
906 Don't be a sap. 1.3280 0.05051 125 90 29 6
907 Do you identify as broccoli or as a tree? 1.3280 0.05421 125 93 23 9
908 For most of us, purpose is defined not so much by what we do as it is by the actual act of being. For you, I’m guessing it’s stir-fry. 1.3280 0.05301 125 92 25 8
909 What do you mean It isn't easy being green"? 1.3280 0.05301 125 92 25 8
910 Looks arent everything . It’s a matter of taste 1.3279 0.05390 122 90 24 8
911 What's important is that *you* like you. 1.3279 0.04861 122 86 32 4
912 So, she left you for Rabe, even though he's a known stalker? 1.3277 0.05079 119 85 29 5
913 You can relax a bit here. We don't allow dogs or campers inside the building. 1.3277 0.05737 119 90 19 10
914 Stalk Therapy 1.3277 0.05612 119 89 21 9
915 Vegging out is normal, especially in your case. 1.3277 0.05217 119 86 27 6
916 People only think of me as a side. 1.3277 0.05352 119 87 25 7
917 But are you *your* favourite vegetable? 1.3276 0.05306 116 84 26 6
918 So Mr. Wood, you were mistaken for Broccoli how many times this year and how does this make you feel? 1.3274 0.05684 113 84 21 8
919 So are you a broccoli that wants to be a tree or vice versa? 1.3274 0.05399 113 82 25 6
920 No one can determine if you’re broccoli or a tree but yourself. 1.3273 0.05646 110 81 22 7
921 And why do you think kids don’t like you? 1.3272 0.04451 162 117 37 8
922 Well....I don't think it's a deeply rooted problem. 1.3268 0.04527 153 110 36 7
923 Maybe it's all in your head. 1.3265 0.05576 98 70 24 4
924 People are always trying to butter you up, but facts are facts, people just don't like you for who you really are. 1.3262 0.04557 141 100 36 5
925 Just accept it. People don't like broccoli. 1.3262 0.04982 141 104 28 9
926 This might sound judgmental, but it is coming from a place of empathy. That is a lot of masturbation. 1.3262 0.05181 141 106 24 11
927 Your day is coming, Mr. Broccoli. Remember, everybody used to hate Kale too. 1.3262 0.05083 141 105 26 10
928 I'm a full grown broccoli Doc, but they still call me broccolini 1.3261 0.04950 138 101 29 8
929 I know you want to identify as black, but that is not an afro. 1.3261 0.05056 138 102 27 9
930 How do you feel when people constantly try to butter you up? 1.3259 0.05239 135 101 24 10
931 The cauliflower trend will pass. You'll see. 1.3259 0.04682 135 96 34 5
932 Don’t take it so personal - everyone hates Broccoli. 1.3258 0.04986 132 96 29 7
933 Don't worry, not every session bears fruit. 1.3258 0.05323 132 99 23 10
934 Your paranoia is valid. You are stalked. 1.3256 0.05063 129 94 28 7
935 So, tell me more about Britney Spears being in your family tree. 1.3256 0.05181 129 95 26 8
936 Now when you say 'family tree'.... 1.3256 0.04942 129 93 30 6
937 I agree - growing two feet in one year IS very unusual. 1.3254 0.05018 126 91 29 6
938 So, the dream is that you fall and no one is there to hear you? 1.3254 0.05384 126 94 23 9
939 I get that you're steamed, but you're much healthier that way. 1.3252 0.05714 123 94 18 11
940 So, let's explore this a little more. When you fell in the forest, there was nobody around right? 1.3250 0.04903 120 85 31 4
941 - I guess this is your destiny, they hate you but will buy you every week anyway... 1.3246 0.05502 114 84 23 7
942 The problem is, you’ve lost touch with your roots. 1.3246 0.05061 114 81 29 4
943 So, you feel your downward spiral began back when the first President Bush said he didn’t like broccoli? 1.3246 0.05777 114 86 19 9
944 It’s normal! Everyone says like it feels like they’ve been uprooted these days. 1.3245 0.05021 151 114 25 12
945 Why don’t you go home, take a nice ice bath for about 5-10 minutes and you’ll perk right up! 1.3243 0.05302 111 80 26 5
946 I've always liked you - even though no one else does" 1.3243 0.04815 148 109 30 9
947 Try to imagine having your bark being worse than your bite as a positive 1.3239 0.04850 142 104 30 8
948 It’s ok to be a tree and not want to be hugged !! 1.3235 0.05601 102 74 23 5
949 I know, it's hard to have no roots. Would it help if I say you have nice feet? 1.3233 0.04719 133 95 33 5
950 Let's go back to your earliest memory of resenting Kale's success 1.3233 0.05068 133 98 27 8
951 You need to let go of George Bush 1.3232 0.05712 99 72 22 5
952 It must be tough growing up under your father's shadow. 1.3231 0.05030 130 95 28 7
953 Last session you came dressed as a hot dog, so i think the broccoli outlook shows a healthier self concept , progress in that 1.3231 0.05030 130 95 28 7
954 No paper. I promise our office has gone completely electronic. 1.3231 0.05147 130 96 26 8
955 What do you think? My father is an oak tree and my mother is a stalk of broccoli. 1.3230 0.04458 161 117 36 8
956 Let’s start out with setting limits. Are you broccoli or a tree? 1.3228 0.05109 127 93 27 7
957 Looks like we have the same barber. 1.3228 0.05230 127 94 25 8
958 Honestly,I have not been able to put roots down in this city either. 1.3226 0.05191 124 91 26 7
959 So, how do you feel when a child refuses to eat you? 1.3226 0.05316 124 92 24 8
960 How long have you been having decapitation nightmares? 1.3226 0.05191 124 91 26 7
961 As to your problem, I'm going out on a limb here... 1.3223 0.05893 121 94 15 12
962 There's no way to get around your head being delicious. 1.3221 0.04881 149 111 28 10
963 It doesn’t matter what Bob Ross says. It’s ok to be a sad, little tree sometimes. 1.3220 0.05757 118 90 18 10
964 It's time to talk about the root of your problem. 1.3220 0.05090 118 85 28 5
965 It might help if you put down some roots. 1.3219 0.04950 146 109 27 10
966 I feel that I'm lacking roots. 1.3217 0.05174 115 83 27 5
967 It’s just a question of putting down deep roots somewhere. 1.3217 0.05024 115 82 29 4
968 I liked you better when you were a couch potato. 1.3217 0.05599 115 86 21 8
969 Actually, cheese might help. 1.3214 0.05262 112 81 26 5
970 How do I tell him that I am a deciduous and he's an evergreen, I will be bald every winter, he accepts that or I leave ? 1.3214 0.05262 112 81 26 5
971 I’m sorry, that was an insensitive question. Of course you made a sound when you fell. 1.3214 0.05262 112 81 26 5
972 The voices in your head are real- they're called "winds" 1.3212 0.04962 137 101 28 8
973 Look, kids hate me too. 1.3212 0.05069 137 102 26 9
974 I can help with your anxiety, but let's find the roots first. 1.3211 0.05512 109 80 23 6
975 I just don't have the same sentiment as Joyce Kilmer! 1.3211 0.05812 109 82 19 8
976 Can you say more about why you are feeling uprooted? 1.3211 0.05355 109 79 25 5
977 Dogs do it to every tree — don’t let that bother you. 1.3209 0.05146 134 100 25 9
978 My kids hate me 1.3208 0.05453 106 77 24 5
979 So when did the environmentalists begin to inappropriately touch you? 1.3204 0.06355 103 80 13 10
980 So,broccoli rabe is from your mother’s side of the family tree? 1.3204 0.05724 103 76 21 6
981 I know, I know. You fell in a forest and nobody heard you. But I'm here and I hear you. 1.3203 0.04952 128 93 29 6
982 And you have a deep-seated fear of melted butter, is that right? 1.3203 0.05195 128 95 25 8
983 Don't you think maybe Janet butters you up a little too often? 1.3200 0.04899 125 90 30 5
984 Organic or not. You are still broccoli. 1.3200 0.05400 125 94 22 9
985 I feel our sessions are better for me than you. 1.3197 0.05109 122 89 27 6
986 So, your mother was not a tree-hugger? 1.3197 0.05368 122 91 23 8
987 So, dinner parties and buffets make you nervous. 1.3197 0.05368 122 91 23 8
988 To overcome your fear of cheese, we need to immerse you in it. 1.3197 0.05240 122 90 25 7
989 So he cut you off at the knees? 1.3196 0.05589 97 70 23 4
990 And when did you first begin to feel no one would hear you if you fell? 1.3194 0.05088 144 109 24 11
991 So what exactly did this "little birdie" tell you? 1.3193 0.05054 119 86 28 5
992 Tell me about your childhood as an acorn. 1.3193 0.05460 119 89 22 8
993 So you have a feeling of abandonment when you fell & no one heard the sound? 1.3193 0.05193 119 87 26 6
994 I hear you saying, it isn't easy being green. 1.3193 0.05054 119 86 28 5
995 It’s not all in your head. Do you want to stalk about it? 1.3191 0.04648 141 102 33 6
996 Yes,I did say I had a beef with broccoli but… 1.3191 0.04861 141 104 29 8
997 I can see where those feelings stem from. 1.3190 0.05281 116 85 25 6
998 People only seem to like me when I'm drenched in cheddar cheese." 1.3188 0.04823 138 101 30 7
999 I think we need to focus more on the root cause... 1.3188 0.05037 138 103 26 9
1000 Don't take dog conduct personally. 1.3186 0.05373 113 83 24 6
1001 I have nightmares that I’ll be losing my hair in the fall! 1.3186 0.05932 113 87 16 10
1002 You were born a tree but identify as a woman? 1.3186 0.05797 113 86 18 9
1003 Now, if we could just get to the root of your problem. 1.3185 0.05004 135 100 27 8
1004 Tell me more about why you think people hate you. 1.3182 0.05193 132 99 24 9
1005 A lot of us are feeling uprooted these days. 1.3178 0.04897 107 75 30 2
1006 I know you don't like it when people say you look like a tree. Just be thankful you're not a banana. 1.3175 0.05363 126 95 22 9
1007 So tell me, what has you so steamed? 1.3175 0.05243 126 94 24 8
1008 OK, I agree that everybody hates you, but is that necessarily a bad thing? 1.3175 0.04995 126 92 28 6
1009 A lot of people don't like me either, that's life. 1.3172 0.04453 145 104 36 5
1010 So no one’s hugged you lately? 1.3172 0.04765 145 107 30 8
1011 Surely "every dog" doesn't piss on you. 1.3171 0.05330 123 92 23 8
1012 I had a dream I was being eaten alive 1.3171 0.05454 123 93 21 9
1013 He said you were spinach, and to hell with you? 1.3171 0.05330 123 92 23 8
1014 If you insist on being liked, try wearing some cheese. 1.3171 0.05330 123 92 23 8
1015 I know you are growing impatient, but it takes time before therapy bears fruit. 1.3171 0.05454 123 93 21 9
1016 You are right. The kids will have it tough in the garden with broccoli for their dad and cauliflower for their mom. 1.3171 0.04941 123 89 29 5
1017 You know, I have the same issue with my hair. My colleagues call me "Dr. Broccoli from Brooklyn". 1.3171 0.05204 123 91 25 7
1018 Let's cut back on the chlorophyll. 1.3171 0.04804 123 88 31 4
1019 Broccoli isn't so bad, you could be bananas. 1.3171 0.05454 123 93 21 9
1020 You know, part of growing up is also learning how to branch out. 1.3169 0.04620 142 103 33 6
1021 It will be difficult for us to get to the root of your problem here in the office 1.3167 0.05290 120 89 24 7
1022 In the interest of full disclosure, I’ve never liked you either. 1.3167 0.05156 120 88 26 6
1023 I wouldn’t worry so much about fall, just live your life. 1.3167 0.05290 120 89 24 7
1024 It all started in Brooklyn" 1.3167 0.05549 120 91 20 9
1025 I do hear you when you fall,the couch is just very soft 1.3167 0.05019 120 87 28 5
1026 Let’s discuss your family tree. 1.3165 0.05109 139 105 24 10
1027 First, stop reading Shel Silverstein. 1.3163 0.05728 98 72 21 5
1028 Why do you think you are not a vegetable? 1.3162 0.05242 117 86 25 6
1029 I see you've started to branch out. 1.3162 0.05777 117 90 17 10
1030 So tell me, how did the date with the brussel sprout go…did she take the whole bunch with her.. like last time? 1.3162 0.05242 117 86 25 6
1031 So, tell me your florets. 1.3162 0.05381 117 87 23 7
1032 Tell me more about when your leaves left you. 1.3162 0.04391 136 96 37 3
1033 OK, kids laugh at you. But look on the bright side, they won't bite you. 1.3162 0.05187 136 103 23 10
1034 Have you told your friends that you don’t like being roasted? 1.3162 0.04514 136 97 35 4
1035 It's ok if you are not sure if you are broccoli or a tree. 1.3158 0.05048 133 99 26 8
1036 So, I think we've had a real breakthrough with dogs. Now I’d like to turn our attention to bike chains. 1.3158 0.05333 114 84 24 6
1037 We all feel a little green from time to time. 1.3158 0.05048 133 99 26 8
1038 When did it first occur to you that you were being stalked?? 1.3154 0.04770 149 111 29 9
1039 Well, if it's any comfort you're both carbon and calorie neutral. 1.3154 0.04638 130 93 33 4
1040 I don't know if you are broccoli, broccolini, or a tree. The important thing is to love yourself." 1.3154 0.05464 130 100 19 11
1041 I know that you were hoping that our sessions would bear fruit. 1.3154 0.04765 130 94 31 5
1042 Actually, I think you really ARE a tree. 1.3154 0.04888 130 95 29 6
1043 Can you think of any reason why you might be holding on to your leaves this late in the season? 1.3154 0.05126 130 97 25 8
1044 My girlfriend left me for a hardwood 1.3154 0.05126 130 97 25 8
1045 I've got to ask... is that a wig? 1.3153 0.05721 111 84 19 8
1046 So you've realized you have social anxiety now that people are visiting the park again. 1.3153 0.05427 111 82 23 6
1047 If you were a human, what kind of human would you want to be? 1.3153 0.06001 111 86 15 10
1048 Yes, it's a good disguise, but it would work better in a forest. 1.3153 0.05721 111 84 19 8
1049 Trees lives matter 1.3153 0.05274 111 81 25 5
1050 It's fine, my kids hate you too. 1.3150 0.05443 127 97 20 10
1051 Well I would agree with them - you ARE a shady character. 1.3150 0.05208 127 95 24 8
1052 Your fear of fire seems deeply rooted. 1.3148 0.05368 108 79 24 5
1053 I see you are green with envy, but I think we can beet this if you lettuce. 1.3148 0.06121 108 84 14 10
1054 You need to start believing that fall doesn't define you. 1.3148 0.05527 108 80 22 6
1055 What's your first memory as a floret? 1.3145 0.05168 124 92 25 7
1056 So let's begin with some anger issues. When was the last time you were steamed? 1.3145 0.05039 124 91 27 6
1057 Unrooted or uprooted - you have the power to choose! 1.3145 0.05416 124 94 21 9
1058 Don't be a narcissist. All trees have leaves on their heads. 1.3145 0.05168 124 92 25 7
1059 No one will love you until you learn to love yourself. 1.3143 0.05178 140 107 22 11
1060 You know I hate it when you vegetate. 1.3143 0.05120 105 75 27 3
1061 So, Mr Oaks, you're worried that your kids will be nuts 1.3143 0.05078 140 106 24 10
1062 Don't feel you have to crucify yourself just because you're cruciferous. 1.3140 0.05509 121 92 20 9
1063 So branching out didn’t work so well, eh? 1.3140 0.05382 121 91 22 8
1064 I see you’re still in that vegetated state 1.3140 0.05253 121 90 24 7
1065 You're experiencing floret delusions. 1.3140 0.04984 121 88 28 5
1066 It all started when kale started to become fashionable 1.3139 0.04942 137 102 27 8
1067 I think you just need to get back to your roots 1.3139 0.04486 137 98 35 4
1068 Perhaps your loneliness stems from your unwillingness to branch out? 1.3137 0.05908 102 77 18 7
1069 So, you continue to experience these nightmares of being stalked? 1.3137 0.04771 153 115 28 10
1070 What do you mean when you fall in the forest it brings up a lot of issues? 1.3134 0.04787 134 98 30 6
1071 Are you having thoughts of steaming yourself? 1.3134 0.04787 134 98 30 6
1072 I'm sorry but isn't it a good thing that nobody likes you? 1.3131 0.05495 99 72 23 4
1073 Trust me,the Fall is nothing to be afraid of. 1.3131 0.05304 99 71 25 3
1074 But, dear, I swear I've never ever seen a poem as lovely as you. 1.3130 0.05293 115 85 24 6
1075 It doesn’t matter that I might choose crowns over spears, what matters is your self when steamed. 1.3130 0.05428 131 101 19 11
1076 Maybe you should think about getting a trim if your arms are that tired. 1.3125 0.04917 112 80 29 3
1077 So, you say your problems began with the first Bush administration? 1.3125 0.05533 112 84 21 7
1078 We aren’t going to get to the root of your problem if you don’t stop hedging. 1.3125 0.05053 128 95 26 7
1079 But when you were younger, you liked dogs. 1.3125 0.06162 96 73 16 7
1080 You said you’d like to branch out? 1.3125 0.05602 96 70 22 4
1081 It is common, however you need not feel guilt due to your enjoyment of self-pollination. 1.3120 0.05133 125 93 25 7
1082 What do former presidents know anyway? 1.3120 0.05257 125 94 23 8
1083 Sauteed, pureed, steamed, chopped, devoured whole--I understand how contemplating your end must be difficult. 1.3120 0.05133 125 93 25 7
1084 The fact that they ate Aunt Bev’s cornflakes, frankfurter and marshmallow casserole, and didn’t touch your plate, says more about them than anything else. 1.3120 0.05257 125 94 23 8
1085 And when did this fear of vegans first develop? 1.3119 0.05164 109 79 26 4
1086 I see, so what you’re telling me is that, kids are now wanting to eat you for dinner and that’s when the nightmares started? 1.3119 0.04997 109 78 28 3
1087 So the broccoli pizza crust wasn’t a hit? 1.3118 0.06111 93 70 17 6
1088 Louis I can't help that no kids like you. 1.3116 0.04911 138 103 27 8
1089 Yes, the sixties were great, but they’re over. 1.3115 0.05944 122 97 12 13
1090 You should be very pleased so many dogs pick you. 1.3115 0.05085 122 90 26 6
1091 You could just cut it all off and try to pass as celery. 1.3115 0.05085 122 90 26 6
1092 Did the other kids not like you when you were young? 1.3115 0.04811 122 88 30 4
1093 I wouldn't worry too much...you're young and sometimes it takes a while to settle down and establish roots. 1.3111 0.04757 135 99 30 6
1094 It was a figure of speech, branching out. 1.3111 0.05094 135 102 24 9
1095 You need to turn a new leaf… 1.3109 0.05303 119 89 23 7
1096 Don’t be so hard on yourself. You’re not the only one who thought Joyce Kilmer was a woman! 1.3109 0.05028 119 87 27 5
1097 I don't think it's helpful for you to keep calling me your arborist. 1.3109 0.05566 119 91 19 9
1098 I feel like I am getting pissed on every day... 1.3107 0.05349 103 75 24 4
1099 Stop trying to be good for everybody. 1.3106 0.05173 132 100 23 9
1100 But why do you let yourself be treated as just a garnish? 1.3106 0.05060 132 99 25 8
1101 That's what dogs do, you can't take it personal 1.3103 0.05110 116 85 26 5
1102 I know you don't like it that your husband is such a couch potato, but getting steamed about it is not a solution. 1.3103 0.05395 116 87 22 7
1103 Did you say you grew up in Brooklyn? 1.3101 0.05481 129 100 18 11
1104 Once we find the root of the problem, we can branch out from there and see where that leaves us. 1.3101 0.05369 129 99 20 10
1105 Clearly, you have some deeply rooted issues. 1.3101 0.04511 129 92 34 3
1106 It’s probably empty nest syndrome. 1.3100 0.05449 100 73 23 4
1107 The good news? Your problems do not appear to be deep rooted. 1.3099 0.04915 142 107 26 9
1108 Did you make a sound when you fell? Asking for a friend." 1.3097 0.05041 113 82 27 4
1109 Now Mr. Floret, for the last time, there isn't any ranch dressing anywhere in this room. 1.3097 0.05491 113 85 21 7
1110 Your friends and family are right, a good cheese sauce would go a long way in increasing your popularity. 1.3097 0.05195 113 83 25 5
1111 What makes you think you're a couch potato? 1.3097 0.05633 113 86 19 8
1112 So you are saying you "loose part of yourself" every Fall. 1.3097 0.05345 113 84 23 6
1113 Of course I know kale when I see it. 1.3095 0.05098 126 94 25 7
1114 And what are these birds telling you? 1.3095 0.05459 126 97 19 10
1115 This is way more convenient than a walk in the woods. 1.3095 0.05221 126 95 23 8
1116 As you were telling me, you were never popular among middle schoolers, right? 1.3093 0.05744 97 72 20 5
1117 You can't be loved by everyone. 1.3093 0.05554 97 71 22 4
1118 How does it make you feel when people say they don’t like you? 1.3092 0.04689 152 114 29 9
1119 What makes it difficult for you to put down roots? 1.3091 0.05125 110 80 26 4
1120 Have you thought about trying cheese? 1.3089 0.05431 123 94 20 9
1121 And they said it was because of me they could no longer see the forest 1.3089 0.05671 123 96 16 11
1122 The court sent you here because of serious charges. You don't think "stalk" is an accurate description? 1.3087 0.04656 149 111 30 8
1123 I keep getting dreams that I am covered in cheese whiz. 1.3084 0.05541 107 80 21 6
1124 Don't feel so bad. The Kale frenzy is only a fad. 1.3084 0.05379 107 79 23 5
1125 Tell me more about this recurring sense of abandonment you feel. You say it's seasonal? 1.3084 0.05213 107 78 25 4
1126 You should branch out more. 1.3083 0.05265 120 90 23 7
1127 Do you hate you? 1.3083 0.05397 120 91 21 8
1128 So, I understand you feel rootless… 1.3083 0.05131 120 89 25 6
1129 There's lots of reasons why people get gassy, it's not necessarily your fault. 1.3083 0.04795 133 98 29 6
1130 And then I fell. And nobody noticed 1.3082 0.04817 146 110 27 9
1131 It's okay to tell them you're not a hugger, Terry. 1.3077 0.05306 104 76 24 4
1132 So what do you feel has inhibited your growth in the forest: your small town roots or your branching out in business? 1.3077 0.05104 130 98 24 8
1133 So when you noticed all the other food eaten on the plate but you, this generated feelings of abandonment. 1.3077 0.04986 130 97 26 7
1134 Have you thought about branching out a bit more? 1.3077 0.04741 130 95 30 5
1135 What evidence do you have that the cauliflowers run the entertainment industry? 1.3070 0.05449 114 86 21 7
1136 When they wrote that you were a son-of-a-bitch, I'm sure it was just a typo, Mr. Birch. 1.3070 0.05157 114 84 25 5
1137 It doesn’t matter that so many people don’t like you. Take pride in how GOOD you are for them! 1.3070 0.05305 114 85 23 6
1138 Is it true? Did you make a sound? 1.3070 0.05305 114 85 23 6
1139 You're depressed because you fell in a forest, and no one heard you? 1.3070 0.05449 114 86 21 7
1140 "I suggest that you find a tree hugger to help you get better..' 1.3069 0.05403 101 74 23 4
1141 I get it. If you fall,you just want to be heard. 1.3065 0.05144 124 93 24 7
1142 I could refer you to a good horticulturist. 1.3063 0.05245 111 82 24 5
1143 Why do you feel children don't like you? 1.3063 0.05245 111 82 24 5
1144 I don't think it's cheating if Ranch sees other veggies. 1.3063 0.05245 111 82 24 5
1145 Well. First let’s talk about your fear of birds. 1.3063 0.05245 111 82 24 5
1146 Are you asking me if your fear of vegans is irrational? 1.3063 0.05399 111 83 22 6
1147 You've made progress but you're not out of the woods yet. 1.3063 0.05548 111 84 20 7
1148 So you are a little different? Work it! Let your freak flag fly. 1.3063 0.05245 111 82 24 5
1149 Let’s talk more about your cousin Rob. 1.3063 0.05548 111 84 20 7
1150 I think what you really need is a botanist. 1.3063 0.05245 111 82 24 5
1151 Everyone feels rootless these days. 1.3061 0.05311 98 71 24 3
1152 Sounds like your childhood was nuts. 1.3058 0.04817 121 88 29 4
1153 No, it's okay... I'm afraid of steam myself. 1.3056 0.05652 108 82 19 7
1154 The first thing you should do is to put down some roots. 1.3056 0.05337 108 80 23 5
1155 In Autumn, leaves begin to fall off trees. It's not personal. 1.3056 0.05803 108 83 17 8
1156 Fantasizing about cheese and bacon does not make you "weird". 1.3056 0.05172 108 79 25 4
1157 Forget about the George Bushes of the world, lots of people love Broccoli. 1.3053 0.04584 131 95 32 4
1158 Yes, I can see there's a lot going on in your head. 1.3053 0.04584 131 95 32 4
1159 I just don't see us getting anywhere without Ranch. 1.3053 0.06000 95 72 17 6
1160 Of course people love you... it's just that they might love you more in creamy parmesan. 1.3048 0.05263 105 77 24 4
1161 I'd say you've finally eaten too much Broccoli. 1.3047 0.05150 128 97 23 8
1162 You are what you eat. 1.3046 0.04791 151 115 26 10
1163 Then why did she leave you? 1.3043 0.05729 92 68 20 4
1164 Why do you think so many have beef with you? 1.3043 0.05265 115 86 23 6
1165 Come on now, I’m sure not *everyone* has beef with you. 1.3043 0.05119 115 85 25 5
1166 And just how long have you had this feeling that you are being stalked?" 1.3043 0.04669 138 102 30 6
1167 You can just lay there and vegetate for a while if you’d like. 1.3043 0.04890 138 104 26 8
1168 You say his kids don't like you... 1.3040 0.04980 125 93 26 6
1169 Just out of curiosity, when you fell in the forest did it make a sound? 1.3040 0.05474 125 97 18 10
1170 Just because you have nuts doesn’t mean that you’re nuts. 1.3040 0.04980 125 93 26 6
1171 Go out on a limb! Move to Brooklyn! 1.3037 0.04734 135 100 29 6
1172 Cauliflower envy is a possibility. 1.3036 0.05205 112 83 24 5
1173 Then you relocated? Weren’t you firmly planted? 1.3036 0.05205 112 83 24 5
1174 Are you ok? You're looking a little green. 1.3033 0.04784 122 89 29 4
1175 Personally, I understand why people can't stomach you. 1.3030 0.04680 132 97 30 5
1176 You need to accept that your whole family is cruciferous, it’s genetic. 1.3030 0.05266 99 72 24 3
1177 As a sapling the other trees constantly called me an invasive species. 1.3028 0.05295 109 81 23 5
1178 Let stalk about it… 1.3028 0.05607 109 83 19 7
1179 It's obvious that you are still suffering from the trauma of the G. H. W. Bush presidency. 1.3028 0.05756 109 84 17 8
1180 I’m tired of only being appreciated for my head. Everyone discards the rest of me. 1.3025 0.05141 119 89 24 6
1181 As your psycho-arborist I can see why your depressed - you've lost standing, you're uprooted, and you no longer bear fruit. 1.3025 0.05541 119 92 18 9
1182 I do know how you feel. I was also called Broccoli Head in school. 1.3025 0.05411 119 91 20 8
1183 So... describe this feeling of rootlessness... 1.3023 0.04996 129 97 25 7
1184 They tried to cook me for dinner last night... "How did that make you feel?" .. I was really steamed. 1.3022 0.04752 139 104 28 7
1185 My mother sent you, didn't she. 1.3021 0.05758 96 72 19 5
1186 So you really believe Green is the new Black? 1.3020 0.04637 149 112 29 8
1187 So when your wife says you just like to veg out, how does that make you feel? 1.3019 0.05046 106 77 26 3
1188 On an emotional level, you project a rather wooden attitude. 1.3019 0.05714 106 81 18 7
1189 I said you could stretch out, who told you to take off your fucking socks? 1.3019 0.05869 106 82 16 8
1190 Was it right after she said, “You’re too good for me,” that she ran off with a pint of Cherry Garcia? 1.3019 0.05714 106 81 18 7
1191 I'm sorry to hear your son has joined a splinter group 1.3017 0.05226 116 87 23 6
1192 You’ve got to stop thinking you’re the only tree in Brooklyn. 1.3017 0.05081 116 86 25 5
1193 I’m a psychiatrist, not a hairdresser. 1.3017 0.04931 116 85 27 4
1194 So you feel like it’s all in your head? 1.3016 0.04817 126 93 28 5
1195 So you say that nobody likes you? 1.3016 0.05197 126 96 22 8
1196 Truth be told, there are times I want to be a queen palm too. 1.3015 0.04931 136 103 25 8
1197 That's not true. There's even a US President who likes you. 1.3015 0.04931 136 103 25 8
1198 Sorry, you think you're being stalked or you are a stalk? 1.3015 0.05040 136 104 23 9
1199 We're eventually going to have to discuss your broccolini years. 1.3011 0.05879 93 70 18 5
1200 So your salad days were Hell. 1.3011 0.05249 93 67 24 2
1201 You're right. Nobody loves you. 1.3010 0.05827 103 79 17 7
1202 My wife left me for a Linden, too. 1.3010 0.05661 103 78 19 6
1203 Let's go back to your roots." 1.3009 0.05166 113 84 24 5
1204 So you had a single parent who ignored you, and your baby siblings were all nuts? 1.3009 0.05463 113 86 20 7
1205 Good news is the voices you're hearing are actually a squirrel, two robins, and a chipmunk. The bad news is they're not wrong about your relationship with your mother. 1.3009 0.05606 113 87 18 8
1206 You seem really steamed. 1.3009 0.05010 113 83 26 4
1207 You don't have to mitigate carbon emissions all by yourself. There are other trees out there to help! 1.3009 0.04850 113 82 28 3
1208 What did your family say when you told them you wanted to pick up your roots and move on? 1.3009 0.05166 113 84 24 5
1209 Please don't tell me it's all in my head. 1.3009 0.05166 113 84 24 5
1210 So what if you're broccoli? Some of my best friends are cruciferous. 1.3008 0.05155 123 93 23 7
1211 They keep telling me it’s all in my head. 1.3008 0.05155 123 93 23 7
1212 It is time that you got over not being served on Air Force One 1.3008 0.05024 123 92 25 6
1213 There’s more to self esteem than just having a big head 1.3008 0.05024 123 92 25 6
1214 I'm not sure the dog piss is really about you. 1.3008 0.04771 133 99 28 6
1215 Have you thought about why whether you made a sound or not is so important to you? 1.3008 0.05335 133 104 18 11
1216 I can see why you have problems wearing turtlenecks and hats 1.3008 0.04267 133 95 36 2
1217 I need you to branch out. 1.3008 0.05005 133 101 24 8
1218 You’re having a bad hair day. It happens to all of us. Yours just happens to be leafy green. 1.3007 0.04763 143 108 27 8
1219 This isn’t about your mother. *Nobody* likes broccoli. 1.3000 0.04963 130 98 25 7
1220 Some people just aren't going to like you and you just have to learn to be okay with that. 1.3000 0.04822 120 88 28 4
1221 Yes, it might improve your self-esteem, but I don't think we can persuade Popeye to switch. 1.3000 0.05347 90 65 23 2
1222 Is this the first autumn you couldn't let go? 1.3000 0.05596 100 75 20 5
1223 Even the people who say they like me are really just faking it. 1.3000 0.05575 90 66 21 3
1224 So you believe you are having an identity crisis, Mr. Cauliflower? 1.3000 0.05104 120 90 24 6
1225 I just feel like I'm all up in my head 1.3000 0.05563 110 84 19 7
1226 Maybe you need to branch out more and stop hanging out with shady characters. 1.3000 0.05870 120 96 12 12
1227 If you’ll allow me to dig just a bit deeper, I am certain we’ll find the root of the problem. 1.3000 0.05575 90 66 21 3
1228 You're looking healthy! 1.3000 0.05563 110 84 19 7
1229 If you were coniferous, how do you image your life would be different? 1.3000 0.05626 120 94 16 10
1230 Doc, I get tired of people constantly telling me how healthy I am. It’s a lot of pressure for a vegetable. 1.2993 0.04559 137 101 31 5
1231 And would you say that when Margaret said that she didn’t want to see you any longer it got you a little steamed? 1.2992 0.04784 127 94 28 5
1232 Sooooooo...you're a branch manager and they want you to uproot and transplant to another region? 1.2992 0.04913 127 95 26 6
1233 of course I can help, I'm a certified mental health arborist. 1.2992 0.05281 127 98 20 9
1234 You should try to be less bitter. 1.2992 0.04652 127 93 30 4
1235 And is this “Broccolini” in the room with us now? 1.2992 0.05039 127 96 24 7
1236 So, how good is your insurance? 1.2992 0.05039 127 96 24 7
1237 So your mother was an evergreen and your father was a tree hugger? 1.2991 0.05188 117 88 23 6
1238 What I’m hearing is that you’re anxious about losing your head at dinner time. 1.2991 0.05044 117 87 25 5
1239 I'm not sure that dealing with aggressive squirrels is something I can help you with. 1.2991 0.05007 107 78 26 3
1240 I'm not yet sure but it may be more than just a bad hair day. 1.2990 0.05707 97 73 19 5
1241 It's perfectly normal to feel green" 1.2986 0.04416 144 106 33 5
1242 And why do you feel like everybody hates you? 1.2984 0.05369 124 96 19 9
1243 I'm impressed by the growth you've demonstrated since we've been seeing one another. 1.2984 0.05245 124 95 21 8
1244 Yes, after everything that you’ve been through it’s normal to feel uprooted. 1.2982 0.04973 114 84 26 4
1245 I would ask how you feel, but do you even? 1.2982 0.05421 114 87 20 7
1246 You're here, so . . . your problem isn't as deeply rooted as you think. 1.2981 0.05271 104 77 23 4
1247 You can't say you didn't see this coming--with all that 'You are what you eat' talk. 1.2981 0.05271 104 77 23 4
1248 Ah, yes, there is definitely a shady side on your family tree 1.2981 0.05937 104 81 15 8
1249 I’d like us to start with talking about your salad days. 1.2981 0.05271 104 77 23 4
1250 Don't get ahead of yourself! 1.2981 0.05091 104 76 25 3
1251 Your friends might not like it, but it's your job to throw shade. 1.2979 0.05418 94 69 22 3
1252 On the bright side, at least you are not a couch potato." Andrew Kimball, New York Cit 1.2979 0.05205 141 111 18 12
1253 Well, yes. I suppose, in a way, I'm steamed too... 1.2975 0.05333 121 93 20 8
1254 Yeeeeaah... sorry about that. I never fart with my other patients. 1.2975 0.04930 121 90 26 5
1255 Why do you think you're feeling so steamed? 1.2975 0.05460 121 94 18 9
1256 How long have you experienced these nightmares of being stalked? 1.2975 0.04930 121 90 26 5
1257 Why not try a weekend at the ranch and take a dip? 1.2973 0.05214 111 83 23 5
1258 You’re still raw because George H.W. hated you? 1.2973 0.05054 111 82 25 4
1259 Yes, President Bush was mean to you, but remember Kermit said "It's not easy being green." 1.2973 0.05214 111 83 23 5
1260 It doesn't matter whether others like you. What matters is that you like yourself. 1.2973 0.05665 111 86 17 8
1261 As your therapist I can say that you are not paranoid. The humans around you are trying to kill you. 1.2970 0.05179 101 74 24 3
1262 You’re right, I don’t know how it feels to be uprooted. 1.2970 0.05179 101 74 24 3
1263 I know it's painful, but the truth is... sometimes taste buds change. 1.2970 0.05894 101 78 16 7
1264 Maybe try a horseradish mousse. 1.2970 0.05724 101 77 18 6
1265 They are just pretending to like you 1.2970 0.05179 101 74 24 3
1266 Relax, you’re just branching out. 1.2969 0.05005 128 97 24 7
1267 Sure, Kale is riding a wave of popularity but you, Broccoli, have legs. 1.2966 0.05008 118 88 25 5
1268 It doesn't matter if they like you, as long as you like yourself. 1.2966 0.04709 118 86 29 3
1269 Have you ever considered that not everyone hates broccoli? 1.2963 0.04470 135 99 32 4
1270 What if I told you, all you need is a bit more fiber? 1.2963 0.05622 108 83 18 7
1271 In your case, being unpopular might actually be a good thing. 1.2963 0.05139 108 80 24 4
1272 Why is what some kid thinks so important to you? 1.2963 0.05465 108 82 20 6
1273 Not a couch potato, are you? 1.2963 0.05139 108 80 24 4
1274 And how did that make you feel when you fell and no one heard you? 1.2963 0.05051 135 104 22 9
1275 You've got to try branching out more. 1.2963 0.05465 108 82 20 6
1276 Why don't we try to get in touch with your inner broccolini. 1.2963 0.05622 108 83 18 7
1277 So you feel shunned at parties and dinners? 1.2960 0.04547 125 91 31 3
1278 I hear you...I hear you.. 1.2960 0.05208 125 96 21 8
1279 But did *you* hear it, Dave? 1.2960 0.05331 125 97 19 9
1280 But that George Bush comment was decades ago. The field you are from didn't even exist. 1.2959 0.05272 98 72 23 3
1281 So you told her you'd be good for her. But sometimes, women want the bad boy. 1.2959 0.05840 98 75 17 6
1282 How long have you had this nightmare that you're being stalked? 1.2958 0.05075 142 111 20 11
1283 These broccolini have really been messing with my body image lately. 1.2957 0.05089 115 86 24 5
1284 We should work on anger management - you look steamed. 1.2957 0.04937 115 85 26 4
1285 I'm afraid you are in a vegetative state. 1.2957 0.05236 115 87 22 6
1286 I agree it seems inequitable, but have you considered that maybe cauliflower actually needs the plastic wrap? 1.2957 0.05089 115 86 24 5
1287 I’d love to help but your leaves need to want to change. 1.2957 0.05380 115 88 20 7
1288 So you feel like you can't see the forest for the trees? 1.2957 0.05089 115 86 24 5
1289 My seedling says I’m shady and I drink too much. 1.2955 0.04655 132 98 29 5
1290 Of course I understand. When I was a kid, they used to call me string bean. 1.2952 0.05228 105 78 23 4
1291 Tree huggers are inconstant lovers. 1.2952 0.05567 105 80 19 6
1292 To get to the root of your problem, you really need to see an arborist. 1.2952 0.05050 105 77 25 3
1293 I'm afraid I can't treat you. I hate you, too. 1.2952 0.05730 105 81 17 7
1294 Your won’t experience inner growth until you deal with your fear of putting down roots. 1.2952 0.05730 105 81 17 7
1295 Of course nobody likes you. You're broccoli! Get over it. 1.2952 0.05400 105 79 21 5
1296 Perhaps you wouldn't be overlooked if you stopped ducking the cheese sauce! 1.2952 0.05400 105 79 21 5
1297 Look, we’ve all felt uprooted these past 21 months. 1.2952 0.05400 105 79 21 5
1298 OMG, you're GMO? 1.2952 0.05567 105 80 19 6
1299 Why do you think you’ve always felt pushed aside? 1.2951 0.04895 122 91 26 5
1300 And you say your parents were always throwing you shade? 1.2951 0.05165 122 93 22 7
1301 It's ok to branch out a little bit. 1.2947 0.05370 95 70 22 3
1302 Tell me, how long have been having these nightmares about woodpeckers? 1.2947 0.05772 95 72 18 5
1303 Let's get to the root of the problem, shall we? 1.2946 0.05174 112 84 23 5
1304 When did you first realize the apple was falling far from you? 1.2946 0.05174 112 84 23 5
1305 I don’t think you look anything like broccolini 1.2946 0.05016 112 83 25 4
1306 So you've got a part in the new "Macbeth" production? 1.2946 0.05016 112 83 25 4
1307 It's not easy to be green. 1.2946 0.05174 112 84 23 5
1308 So, you just uprooted yourself packed your trunk and left? 1.2941 0.05675 102 78 18 6
1309 Clearly, it’s a seasonal disorder. 1.2941 0.05675 102 78 18 6
1310 How long have you had this unnatural fear of getting very ill and becoming a vegetable? 1.2941 0.04826 119 88 27 4
1311 Maybe your salad days AREN’T over yet. 1.2941 0.05322 102 76 22 4
1312 Doc, I think I have a stalker. 1.2941 0.04971 119 89 25 5
1313 Reality check. You’re not a poem, you’re a tree. 1.2941 0.05501 102 77 20 5
1314 I think you need to stop dating Ms. Meloncauliflower. 1.2941 0.05113 119 90 23 6
1315 So you feel like you are in a vegetated state? 1.2941 0.05501 102 77 20 5
1316 I can’t shake the feeling I’m being stalked. 1.2941 0.04908 136 104 24 8
1317 I think two left feet is the root of your problem. 1.2937 0.05172 126 97 21 8
1318 So Mr Oli, can you describe your symptoms for me?” “Please doctor, call me Brocc 1.2937 0.04655 126 93 29 4
1319 When did people start calling you shady? 1.2936 0.05263 109 82 22 5
1320 Would you describe yourself as ‘giving’? 1.2936 0.05422 109 83 20 6
1321 A salad bar is still a bar, Rick. 1.2936 0.05576 109 84 18 7
1322 If it’s any consolation I always eat my broccoli. 1.2936 0.04754 109 79 28 2
1323 If I were cheating on you with Asparagus, you’d know it. 1.2936 0.05422 109 83 20 6
1324 No. I'm sorry. Nobody likes you. 1.2935 0.05687 92 69 19 4
1325 And how long have you had this fantasy of being stalked? 1.2932 0.04747 133 100 27 6
1326 I’m sure those kids were talking about broccoli. 1.2931 0.05051 116 87 24 5
1327 I think some pruning might be beneficial. 1.2931 0.05051 116 87 24 5
1328 Just know that I'm rooting for you. 1.2929 0.05227 99 73 23 3
1329 I believe if you persevere through autumn things won't weigh so heavily on you. 1.2929 0.05420 99 74 21 4
1330 The root of your problem seems to be abandonment issues associated with your leaves. 1.2929 0.05227 99 73 23 3
1331 How old were you when you first felt these "stalking urges"? 1.2929 0.05227 99 73 23 3
1332 I agree, it was wrong of him to call you a fruit. 1.2929 0.05420 99 74 21 4
1333 Listen, Mr. Broccoli, you have nothing to be ashamed of. People still want you. They just happen to like it better when you show up with Cool Ranch. 1.2929 0.04914 140 108 23 9
1334 how long have you had this uprooted feeling? 1.2929 0.04808 140 107 25 8
1335 Maybe we should start with your obsession with pesticides. 1.2927 0.04861 123 92 26 5
1336 So. Why don’t you begin by telling me about your seedhood. 1.2925 0.05356 106 80 21 5
1337 And your inferiority complex arose after your cauliflower parents said you were adopted? 1.2925 0.05010 106 78 25 3
1338 That must have gotten you steamed up. 1.2925 0.05186 106 79 23 4
1339 For once I wish parents would tell their kids “eat your cauliflower” instead. 1.2925 0.04637 106 76 29 1
1340 Were you in The Overstory? 1.2921 0.05582 89 66 20 3
1341 Would you be more comfortable in a drawer? 1.2920 0.05286 113 86 21 6
1342 You're feeling rootless? 1.2920 0.05433 113 87 19 7
1343 Let’s discuss the roots of your feelings. 1.2917 0.05524 96 72 20 4
1344 It's definitely asparaberger's syndrome. 1.2917 0.05212 120 92 21 7
1345 And then she called me a stalker! 1.2917 0.04792 120 89 27 4
1346 I’m going to go out on a limb here.” 1.2917 0.04936 120 90 25 5
1347 When did you begin to worry about going bald? 1.2913 0.05094 103 76 24 3
1348 Let’s go all the way back to when you were broccolini 1.2913 0.05455 103 78 20 5
1349 How long have you been hearing these birds in your head? 1.2913 0.05627 103 79 18 6
1350 Maybe it's not all in your head? 1.2910 0.04949 134 103 23 8
1351 Are you eating healthy? 1.2909 0.05379 110 84 20 6
1352 No, you CAN’T have a hug. That’s not what I do here. 1.2909 0.05222 110 83 22 5
1353 I think I will never see, a patient as lovely as a tree. 1.2909 0.05532 110 85 18 7
1354 I don’t want to go out on a limb here, but I think there’s a lot you’re covering up. 1.2909 0.05059 110 82 24 4
1355 How long have you had this addiction to throwing shade? 1.2909 0.05059 110 82 24 4
1356 Would you be more comfortable standing? 1.2907 0.05698 86 64 19 3
1357 Let's try some word association. Say the first word that comes into your mind. Apple --- 1.2906 0.04865 117 87 26 4
1358 I think it's a perfect time for you to put down some roots. 1.2906 0.05300 117 90 20 7
1359 I agree. You DO taste much better than Brussels Sprouts. 1.2906 0.05014 117 88 24 5
1360 I’m afraid therapy won’t cure your inability to return a hug. 1.2906 0.05300 117 90 20 7
1361 Try sequestering carbon, but don't hide away your love. 1.2906 0.05014 117 88 24 5
1362 Your sense of alienation could be helped by returning to your roots. 1.2903 0.04828 124 93 26 5
1363 Let’s talk some more about your dreams; you say that you’ve been waking up in a cold sweat dreaming that you’re drowning in melted cheese? 1.2903 0.05423 93 69 21 3
1364 You’re only two days old, you have the whole week ahead of you 1.2903 0.04962 124 94 24 6
1365 So you're saying you were steamed ... 1.2903 0.04250 124 89 34 1
1366 So you're telling me you don't think there's a place for you in Brooklyn any more? 1.2903 0.04828 124 93 26 5
1367 Your problems don't appear to be deep-rooted. 1.2903 0.05423 93 69 21 3
1368 It's natural to be bitter sometimes. 1.2901 0.04784 131 99 26 6
1369 What made you pull up roots and move to the city? 1.2901 0.04400 131 96 32 3
1370 Would you consider group therapy? I run a group which includes turnips, brussel spouts, beets, cabbage and others subject to broad public discrimination. 1.2901 0.04784 131 99 26 6
1371 While I support your decision to convert to Judaism, I don’t think it will help to alleviate your dread of the holiday season. 1.2901 0.04532 131 97 30 4
1372 But do YOU like you? 1.2900 0.05374 100 75 21 4
1373 Just because your name is "Broccoli " doesn't make you Italian. 1.2900 0.05559 100 76 19 5
1374 When did you first experience this feeling of rootlessness? 1.2900 0.04984 100 73 25 2
1375 Have you considered consulting a tree surgeon? 1.2900 0.05911 100 78 15 7
1376 Not a single bite huh? Even after Susie heard about the kids in Africa? 1.2900 0.05738 100 77 17 6
1377 My trust issues began when I first heard the phrase, "You are what you eat." 1.2900 0.04984 100 73 25 2
1378 A little cheese sauce and you'll be perfectly fine. 1.2900 0.04984 100 73 25 2
1379 You had that dream about President Bush again, didn't you? 1.2897 0.04970 107 79 25 3
1380 I can see that you are really steamed 1.2897 0.05635 107 83 17 7
1381 You might consider branching out a bit. 1.2897 0.05313 107 81 21 5
1382 I understand you're here for stalking? 1.2897 0.05145 107 80 23 4
1383 We are having a tough time finding you a large support group. 1.2897 0.04790 107 78 27 2
1384 I really don’t think us getting a dog would be a good idea 1.2897 0.05635 107 83 17 7
1385 I recommend bringing cauliflower next week so we can better understand your differences. 1.2897 0.05635 107 83 17 7
1386 Not everybody hates broccoli. My Mom loves you. 1.2895 0.05392 114 88 19 7
1387 Dark leafy greens, rich in B vitamins…Are you beginning to see a pattern? 1.2895 0.05246 114 87 21 6
1388 You're just going to have to accept the fact that not everybody likes you. 1.2895 0.05246 114 87 21 6
1389 I think it’s just asparagus envy. 1.2895 0.04941 114 85 25 4
1390 So-beautifying streets, cooling cities, sustaining entire eccosystems, carbon sequestration-you can manage all this, but the image of your “hungry mouth pressed against the sweet earth’s flowing breast”-that’s too much for you? 1.2893 0.05802 121 98 11 12
1391 A poem as lovely as a tree was inevitable. The question is, how will you deal with it? 1.2893 0.04758 121 90 27 4
1392 So you're feeling stumped? 1.2889 0.05529 90 67 20 3
1393 Your umbrage toward the GOP’s stance on climate change is valid. 1.2887 0.05153 142 113 17 12
1394 What makes you think people don't like you? 1.2887 0.05068 97 71 24 2
1395 How long have you had the feeling that you are constantly being stalked? 1.2887 0.05668 97 74 18 5
1396 Nobody likes you. Okay. But how does that make you feel? 1.2887 0.05668 97 74 18 5
1397 So the acting jobs have been slow since The Wizard of Oz? 1.2885 0.05579 104 80 18 6
1398 Fears of heights, squirrels, and birds. Do you mind if I include your case in a journal? 1.2883 0.05488 111 86 18 7
1399 So, tell me about the first time your mother told you that you’d never grow up to an entrée. 1.2883 0.05488 111 86 18 7
1400 Sometimes a squirrel is just a squirrel. 1.2881 0.05121 118 90 22 6
1401 What's cookin'? 1.2881 0.05121 118 90 22 6
1402 Your name isn't Rock Lee.. Its Brock O'Lee, so let's not get into any more fights. 1.2881 0.05121 118 90 22 6
1403 Sorry about that dog in Central Park. 1.2880 0.05057 125 96 22 7
1404 Please don't be so hard on yourself. These things are cyclical. It may be that by this time next year, avocado toast will be wishing to be in your shoes. 1.2880 0.04658 125 93 28 4
1405 Well, it's called Empty Nest Syndrome. 1.2879 0.04873 132 101 24 7
1406 A swelled head is not a problem if you are broccoli 1.2879 0.04753 132 100 26 6
1407 No, we are not related. Mine is hair; yours is leaves. 1.2875 0.05952 80 60 17 3
1408 just keep repeating it: I am NOT a cauliflower! 1.2872 0.05583 94 71 19 4
1409 You know, you don't have to be part of the bunch. 1.2871 0.05139 101 75 23 3
1410 Have you thought that maybe there is a reason no-one likes you? 1.2871 0.05139 101 75 23 3
1411 I could never make it work with her because her kids never liked me. 1.2871 0.05139 101 75 23 3
1412 I mean,what did kale ever do that was so great? 1.2871 0.05688 101 78 17 6
1413 So you’re saying that the apple DOES fall far? 1.2871 0.04943 101 74 25 2
1414 I’ve a therapist,not an arborist! 1.2870 0.05271 108 82 21 5
1415 I’m sorry, did you say you fell and nobody noticed? 1.2870 0.05104 108 81 23 4
1416 Don't worry they fall off. They always fall off. 1.2870 0.05104 108 81 23 4
1417 When you feel unloved , thank the stars you're not a brussel sprout. 1.2870 0.05589 108 84 17 7
1418 My mother was Daphne. 1.2870 0.04904 115 86 25 4
1419 Maybe if you were less bitter, people would like you more. 1.2870 0.05206 115 88 21 6
1420 Maybe you just need to branch out? 1.2870 0.05350 115 89 19 7
1421 I’ve been stalked. Is that a paranoid thought? 1.2869 0.04866 122 92 25 5
1422 What really gets you steamed? 1.2868 0.04290 129 94 33 2
1423 The internet only wants clicks. It doesn't really care if you're a tree or if you're broccoli. 1.2868 0.04995 136 106 21 9
1424 I know, the world has set unreasonable expectations, but not everyone is cut out to be a giving tree. 1.2857 0.05533 105 81 18 6
1425 Your mother said you weren't suited for a crudités platter. How does that make you feel? 1.2857 0.05141 112 85 22 5
1426 Of course, I'd eat you. Otherwise, my mom wouldn't let me have dessert. 1.2857 0.05191 105 79 22 4
1427 I think you just need to continue reaching for the sky 1.2857 0.05191 105 79 22 4
1428 Of course there's anxiety about your breakup with Ranch Dressing, but you've got to move on. 1.2857 0.05222 119 92 20 7
1429 Well yes, your being here does help me see the forest better. 1.2857 0.05696 91 69 18 4
1430 I just feel like everybody hates me 1.2857 0.05427 98 74 20 4
1431 So you fell in the woods and nobody heard you??? 1.2857 0.05141 112 85 22 5
1432 Its fall back and spring forward. 1.2857 0.05230 98 73 22 3
1433 Tree: “ I can’t get out of the friend zone - they hug me and then I never see them again “ 1.2857 0.05618 98 75 18 5
1434 Ordinarily, I'd say go the ER if you have wood for more than three hours. 1.2857 0.05591 112 88 16 8
1435 So, last time you expressed your nervousness about becoming a family tree" 1.2857 0.05533 105 81 18 6
1436 Your roots are showing. 1.2857 0.04826 105 77 26 2
1437 Ok, woodpeckers, beetles, fungus, dogs, acid rain, hurricanes, treehouses, chainsaws, and hammocks and tightropes. Anything else? 1.2857 0.06239 84 65 14 5
1438 You’ve got to quit living in the shadows all the time! 1.2857 0.04762 126 95 26 5
1439 It’s all come to a head, hasn’t it? 1.2857 0.05855 105 83 14 8
1440 The problem's not just in your canopy. 1.2857 0.05533 105 81 18 6
1441 You're saying that cauliflower gets all the respect. 1.2857 0.05696 105 82 16 7
1442 Does your crown make you feel “better” than the other vegetables? 1.2857 0.04722 133 101 26 6
1443 You’re better than kale, you’re smarter than kale, and, doggone it, people like you better than kale. 1.2857 0.05025 98 72 24 2
1444 I told you you wouldn’t look good in an Afro. 1.2846 0.04534 130 97 29 4
1445 How much broccoli did you eat as a child? 1.2846 0.05230 123 96 19 8
1446 You've got to get back to your roots. 1.2846 0.05101 123 95 21 7
1447 So, let's talk about the smell. 1.2845 0.05310 116 90 19 7
1448 When did you realise you'd lost that connection with your roots? 1.2845 0.05167 116 89 21 6
1449 I usually take Arbor Day off 1.2845 0.04868 116 87 25 4
1450 What genus do you identify with? 1.2845 0.04711 116 86 27 3
1451 When I suggested you branch out, this is not exactly what I meant. 1.2845 0.04868 116 87 25 4
1452 Don't allow yourself to get into a stew. 1.2845 0.05167 116 89 21 6
1453 How long have you felt children hate you? 1.2845 0.04711 116 86 27 3
1454 I can tell that your bark is worse than your bite. 1.2844 0.05229 109 83 21 5
1455 Everyone “leaves” me alone! 1.2844 0.05544 109 85 17 7
1456 Relax. This roasted cauliflower fad will pass. 1.2844 0.05389 109 84 19 6
1457 It's only natural to wonder about your roots. 1.2844 0.05544 109 85 17 7
1458 Let’s start at the root of the problem. 1.2844 0.04716 109 80 27 2
1459 When did you first think you should have been a fruit instead of a vegetable? 1.2844 0.05389 109 84 19 6
1460 Your mother is right, Brock, it does you no good to just veg around the house all day every day. 1.2843 0.05464 102 78 19 5
1461 I just grew tired of being a couch potato 1.2843 0.05283 102 77 21 4
1462 The truth is, Brock, you’re an acquired taste. 1.2843 0.05283 102 77 21 4
1463 You wouldn't believe the anti-cruciferous sentiment I have to deal with. 1.2842 0.05731 95 73 17 5
1464 You might want to try the barbershop on 48th. 1.2842 0.05731 95 73 17 5
1465 Were you upset when no one heard you in the forest? 1.2842 0.06109 95 75 13 7
1466 If people don't want to eat you,then you won't die. I don't understand what the problem is. 1.2842 0.05923 95 74 15 6
1467 And when did you first experience this dip? 1.2842 0.05325 95 71 21 3
1468 Face it. Climate change or no, you can't keep your leaves all winter. 1.2842 0.05532 95 72 19 4
1469 You need to focus on the big picture. Sure, you cause bloating and gas, but you’re also an excellent source of calcium. 1.2842 0.05325 95 71 21 3
1470 You say you’re feeling rootless? 1.2842 0.05325 95 71 21 3
1471 So she referred to it as a 'sprout'? 1.2840 0.05620 81 60 19 2
1472 Maybe you are a stalker, but at least you’re healthy 1.2835 0.05111 127 99 20 8
1473 Tell me again why you feel producing acorns would fulfill you? 1.2832 0.05254 113 87 20 6
1474 So you're telling me your father was a nut 1.2832 0.05102 113 86 22 5
1475 When did you first start seeing the woods and not the trees? 1.2830 0.05149 106 80 22 4
1476 I think you need to branch out. 1.2830 0.05321 106 81 20 5
1477 What makes you think nobody likes you? 1.2830 0.04972 106 79 24 3
1478 It's clear that your limp stalk stems from acute cucumber envy. 1.2828 0.05927 99 78 14 7
1479 You should probably look for a therapist who doesn't find you repulsive. 1.2828 0.05568 99 76 18 5
1480 I know Bush 41 didn't like you, but this is a new age! 1.2826 0.04931 138 108 21 9
1481 All right now, it wasn't easy being green for Kermit either but you're broccoli - you should try harder! 1.2826 0.05850 92 71 16 5
1482 Everyone doesn’t hate you. 1.2823 0.05192 124 97 19 8
1483 And you say you've felt this way since you were a seedling? 1.2823 0.04370 124 91 31 2
1484 Maybe you live in your head too much? 1.2821 0.05543 117 93 15 9
1485 Have you ever thought about putting down roots? 1.2821 0.05128 117 90 21 6
1486 don't be silly, that's what everyone likes best about you. 1.2821 0.04982 117 89 23 5
1487 While you think you are a stalker, you are really just a stalk. 1.2821 0.04982 117 89 23 5
1488 Even though the nuts are technically yours, the squirrel may still get them all in the divorce. 1.2821 0.05128 117 90 21 6
1489 Pronouncing it bra-CO-lee is not going to change anyone's perception of you. 1.2821 0.04832 117 88 25 4
1490 I do apologize, but we must end the session. I used to climb your parents.” 1.2821 0.04982 117 89 23 5
1491 Why do you think your wife only married you for your fiber? 1.2818 0.05187 110 84 21 5
1492 You are remarkably self aware. Your concerns are valid. Unfortunately, there is nothing I can do to help except lie to you.... 1.2818 0.05346 110 85 19 6
1493 I can't help you if you don't make a sound. 1.2818 0.05024 110 83 23 4
1494 I still can't hear you... 1.2818 0.05649 110 87 15 8
1495 I have a fear of frying. 1.2816 0.05590 103 80 17 6
1496 I'm going to go out on a limb and guess all of your problems are deep-rooted? 1.2816 0.05590 103 80 17 6
1497 I hear you. You fell in tbe woods. 1.2816 0.05054 103 77 23 3
1498 So your feelings of rejection go all the way back to childhood? 1.2816 0.05418 103 79 19 5
1499 Yes, it can be depressing to have feelings of rootlessness. 1.2815 0.04291 135 100 32 3
1500 I know, I know.You are depressed because Kale gets all the headlines. 1.2812 0.05278 96 72 21 3
1501 So, how long have you felt cruciferous? 1.2812 0.04565 128 96 28 4
1502 Small tree? Big broccoli? I can appreciate your identity crisis... 1.2812 0.05482 96 73 19 4
1503 Sorry to report that Tree IS the loneliest number. 1.2812 0.05868 96 75 15 6
1504 Yes, cauliflower is having a moment but don't let that undo all our work 1.2812 0.05678 96 74 17 5
1505 You came to the right place. Being uprooted is common in New York. 1.2812 0.05678 96 74 17 5
1506 kids are just like that... try not to take it personally. 1.2812 0.05678 96 74 17 5
1507 I keep falling and no one seems to hear me, Doc 1.2810 0.05010 121 93 22 6
1508 Please tell me about your family tree. 1.2810 0.05010 121 93 22 6
1509 Kale had similar misgivings. 1.2809 0.05297 89 66 21 2
1510 I think we’ve finally come to the root of your problems… 1.2809 0.05297 89 66 21 2
1511 I have never called you a couch potato. 1.2809 0.05759 89 68 17 4
1512 Every family tree is looking for its roots 1.2809 0.05759 89 68 17 4
1513 So let me get this straight - one week it’s broccoli and the next week it’s oak? Hey at least you don’t think you’re Napolean! 1.2807 0.05214 114 88 20 6
1514 If you were a human, what kind of human would you be? 1.2807 0.05361 114 89 18 7
1515 What exactly were you expecting when you heard “Ina Garten’s Roasted Broccoli “? 1.2807 0.05214 114 88 20 6
1516 Exactly how long have you been vegan? 1.2805 0.06079 82 63 15 4
1517 I think I see the root of your problem. 1.2804 0.05602 107 84 16 7
1518 To be honest, I think most of my insecurities stem from never being loved by a child 1.2804 0.05108 107 81 22 4
1519 I say you're broccoli, and I say the hell with you. 1.2804 0.05442 107 83 18 6
1520 Ordinarily, hating broccoli does not amount to an existential crisis. 1.2803 0.04726 132 101 25 6
1521 President Bush really wasn't referring to you! 1.2803 0.04726 132 101 25 6
1522 Your children may not love you now, but someday they'll respect you. 1.2800 0.05140 100 75 22 3
1523 I'm a psychiatrist, not a headshrinker. 1.2800 0.05519 100 77 18 5
1524 Let’s explore your anxiety about joining a stir fry…. 1.2800 0.05519 100 77 18 5
1525 I'd like to give you a referral to Dr. Henry Louis Gates Jr. He will help you find your roots. 1.2800 0.05140 100 75 22 3
1526 Maybe a healthy relationship just isn't what they are looking for? 1.2800 0.05333 100 76 20 4
1527 You’re too young for a mid-life crisis. Give it another 300 years.” 1.2800 0.05519 100 77 18 5
1528 So you recommend Miracle-Gro and a good conditioner? 1.2800 0.05874 100 79 14 7
1529 We all fall down sometimes. But no one will know that you need help unless you make a sound and say something. 1.2800 0.05519 100 77 18 5
1530 Have you ever considered stalk therapy? 1.2800 0.05140 100 75 22 3
1531 I understand the anger, but it’s quite possible no one heard you fall. 1.2796 0.06371 93 75 10 8
1532 Is this more of a vegetative or catatonic episode you’re experiencing? 1.2796 0.06185 93 74 12 7
1533 First,you have to believe you deserve a relationship that’s both healthy and steamy. 1.2796 0.05795 93 72 16 5
1534 Ah, so he's cauliflower. And has he taken you to the ranch? 1.2796 0.05590 93 71 18 4
1535 I just don't feel grounded any more. 1.2796 0.05795 93 72 16 5
1536 Hey, I totally get you. I'd be upset too if someone mistook me for broccoli when I was a tree. People often mistake me for a psychiatrist. 1.2796 0.06185 93 74 12 7
1537 It's not unusual to fear your own use-by date. 1.2796 0.05376 93 70 20 3
1538 The issue here is that a lot of people are becoming vegetarian. 1.2796 0.05590 93 71 18 4
1539 Feeling left out at Thanksgiving is nothing unusual for broccoli. 1.2793 0.05303 111 86 19 6
1540 When you asked to talk to someone who was familiar with the movie, Roots, did you know it wasn't about transplanted trees?" 1.2793 0.04985 111 84 23 4
1541 Sorry, I just needed to let off some steam. 1.2793 0.04985 111 84 23 4
1542 I know it’s hard for you, hon, but I can’t wait to welcome our little broccolini. 1.2793 0.05147 111 85 21 5
1543 Being called a florette is a perfectly beautiful name. 1.2793 0.04645 111 82 27 2
1544 When did you start stalking? 1.2793 0.04645 111 82 27 2
1545 I know, it's hard to avoid vegans. 1.2791 0.05139 86 63 22 1
1546 No, I don't think you're being a sap. 1.2791 0.04666 129 98 26 5
1547 You are too vegan. 1.2791 0.04399 129 96 30 3
1548 I worry about loosing my hair too 1.2791 0.05398 86 64 20 2
1549 Even presidents hate me! 1.2791 0.06111 86 67 14 5
1550 So what color would you like to be? 1.2791 0.05646 86 65 18 3
1551 I'm not your shrink, I'm your boss and sales are down. Lose the little yellow flowers or Cauliflower gets the Vegan account. 1.2788 0.05372 104 80 19 5
1552 Let's explore why you feel bad that not even a dog will eat you. 1.2788 0.05012 104 78 23 3
1553 I'm gonna go out on a limb here......... 1.2788 0.05195 104 79 21 4
1554 I know it feels like they hate you, but your kids will learn to tolerate you. 1.2788 0.05372 104 80 19 5
1555 But have you tried adding cheese? 1.2788 0.05012 104 78 23 3
1556 You should let your steam out every now and then so you don’t become too soft. 1.2788 0.05012 104 78 23 3
1557 Yes, I think I can appreciate your feelings of rootlessness 1.2788 0.05012 104 78 23 3
1558 I think you should move on. A tree has never won the caption contest, so why keep trying? 1.2788 0.05543 104 81 17 6
1559 I can tell you’re growing. 1.2788 0.05709 104 82 15 7
1560 Being cruciferous is something to be proud of. 1.2788 0.04823 104 77 25 2
1561 So you constantly feel like you're in a vegetative state? 1.2783 0.05174 115 89 20 6
1562 I just wish people would appreciate my whole body and not just my brains 1.2783 0.05174 115 89 20 6
1563 Before we start, when you fell in the forest, do you remember if you made a sound? 1.2783 0.04870 115 87 24 4
1564 I take it you’re not pleased my decision to become vegan. 1.2783 0.05319 115 90 18 7
1565 Commitment phobia or in your case, fear of planting your roots, is very common. 1.2778 0.05067 108 82 22 4
1566 I know I should be thankful, but all day long it's "my eyes are down here". 1.2778 0.05235 108 83 20 5
1567 Yes, those vegans have us all concerned. 1.2778 0.04713 108 80 26 2
1568 See? Leaving the cheese at home isn’t so bad. 1.2778 0.04893 108 81 24 3
1569 I’m sure you can change, if fact, Autumn is almost here. 1.2778 0.05918 90 70 15 5
1570 Sometimes we can’t see the florets for the trees. 1.2778 0.04994 126 98 21 7
1571 Can you think of a time you DID feel wanted before Thanksgiving? 1.2778 0.04733 126 96 25 5
1572 So you believe you're being stalked? 1.2778 0.05918 90 70 15 5
1573 Sorry, but I can't hear you. 1.2778 0.05709 108 86 14 8
1574 A clear case of attachment disorder. Tell me,do you often feel rootless? 1.2778 0.05067 108 82 22 4
1575 I agree, roots are complicated 1.2778 0.05556 108 85 16 7
1576 It's paranoia. You're not being stalked. 1.2778 0.05247 90 67 21 2
1577 Don't worry, I'm sure the New Yorker Cartoon Contest people just didn't receive your submission. 1.2778 0.06126 90 71 13 6
1578 So, you’re feeling depressed because you’re not being hugged enough? 1.2773 0.04762 119 90 25 4
1579 so lets give "arborists only" a try. 1.2773 0.04453 119 88 29 2
1580 It’s quite normal to have a feeling of inadequacy among your spears. 1.2772 0.05472 101 78 18 5
1581 Does every day seem arborous to you? 1.2772 0.05472 101 78 18 5
1582 I just want to find a family with a nice crisper drawer. 1.2772 0.05822 101 80 14 7
1583 Teenagers hate you but babies and adults love you? Relax. This is perfectly normal. 1.2772 0.05097 101 76 22 3
1584 Cauliflower is always gonna think he gets it. 1.2772 0.05288 101 77 20 4
1585 I know fall is a hard time of the year for you 1.2772 0.05097 101 76 22 3
1586 I keep having this dream that I'm being cut up and plunged into boiling water. 1.2771 0.06015 83 64 15 4
1587 Let’s talk about your preoccupation with thinking you’re being stalked. 1.2769 0.04886 130 101 22 7
1588 I’m sorry for what I said when I was hungry. 1.2768 0.05262 112 87 19 6
1589 Of course nobody likes you. You're broccoli. 1.2768 0.05412 112 88 17 7
1590 Plenty of us have to be covered in cheese to be loved. 1.2768 0.05107 112 86 21 5
1591 I think you’re using melted cheese to cover up how you feel about yourself. 1.2768 0.04947 112 85 23 4
1592 How did you feel when she told you to "Make like a tree and leave?" 1.2768 0.05262 112 87 19 6
1593 I hear your resentment of kale. But do you remember why you came to me in the first place? 1.2768 0.05107 112 86 21 5
1594 I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say the knot in your stomach is anxiety and not rabid squirrels. 1.2766 0.05538 94 72 18 4
1595 Look, I want to tell you that your self-loathing is irrational, but I can't in good conscience do that. Everyone hates you. 1.2766 0.05741 94 73 16 5
1596 I'm having a rough time digesting what you're feeding me here. 1.2762 0.05152 105 80 21 4
1597 At least no one can call you a "cabbage head!" 1.2762 0.05152 105 80 21 4
1598 I don’t think you can blame ALL of your problems on President George W. Bush 1.2762 0.04972 105 79 23 3
1599 Yes, Ms. Tree, having the nickname 'Broccoli' must make you steamed, I mean, uh, angry. 1.2762 0.05327 105 81 19 5
1600 What do you expect me to do? I am processing my feelings. There is just too much carbon and gases to absorb. 1.2762 0.05152 105 80 21 4
1601 What's stopping you from appearing in "Finding Your Roots"? 1.2762 0.05661 105 83 15 7
1602 I understand you've been casted for the Green Giant ad, but the method acting is scaring your family. 1.2759 0.05590 87 66 18 3
1603 So you say it's a jungle out there 1.2759 0.04987 116 89 22 5
1604 When did you first notice your potato envy? 1.2759 0.05590 87 66 18 3
1605 So…you want to be liked for who you are not what you are? 1.2759 0.04987 116 89 22 5
1606 I think your out of the woods 1.2759 0.05279 116 91 18 7
1607 When did you first realize you were a vegan? 1.2759 0.05590 87 66 18 3
1608 I'm sorry. I'm not that kind of head shrinker. 1.2756 0.04832 127 98 23 6
1609 At least you’re already green with your envy. 1.2755 0.05186 98 74 21 3
1610 Well, I think we can safely say you’re out of the woods. 1.2755 0.05942 98 78 13 7
1611 OK so you're not kale, get over it! 1.2755 0.05186 98 74 21 3
1612 See, but I don't think squirrels have human voices. 1.2755 0.05186 98 74 21 3
1613 And you don’t believe it’s all in your head? 1.2752 0.05027 109 83 22 4
1614 No color yet. You have to WANT to change. 1.2752 0.04855 109 82 24 3
1615 You can tell me, what’s eating you? 1.2750 0.06156 80 62 14 4
1616 So everyone hates you and you're steamed? 1.2747 0.05649 91 70 17 4
1617 You do have a somewhat wooden affect. 1.2747 0.05649 91 70 17 4
1618 May I have the name of your hairdresser? 1.2747 0.05861 91 71 15 5
1619 We need to continue our work on your stalking tendencies. 1.2747 0.05861 91 71 15 5
1620 How does being steamed, and then having a bit of salt applied to your scalp make you feel? 1.2745 0.04858 102 76 24 2
1621 For some, it's not easy to stop throwing shade. 1.2745 0.05601 102 80 16 6
1622 Frankly, I have macaroni-and-cheese dreams also! 1.2745 0.05054 102 77 22 3
1623 You’re not completely alone in those thoughts, Mr. Cauliflower says he is equally disrespected. 1.2745 0.05242 102 78 20 4
1624 So even though you’re born a tree, you feel like a cruciferous vegetable? 1.2745 0.05424 102 79 18 5
1625 I meant to say "Yes, the Holidays can be stressful", not Hollandaise. 1.2745 0.05054 102 77 22 3
1626 So tell me why you feel more comfortable with "Small Tree" rather than "Big Broccoli". 1.2743 0.05657 113 91 13 9
1627 How do you keep your afro looking so good? 1.2743 0.05067 113 87 21 5
1628 You are being so Brachiocranic! 1.2743 0.04909 113 86 23 4
1629 I want to assure you that not everyone is “all about the florets”. Why, I myself am a long-time stem man. 1.2743 0.05067 113 87 21 5
1630 I know you love the leaf 'do' but you've just got to let go of it. 1.2743 0.05067 113 87 21 5
1631 So your tired of being responsible for world heath. 1.2743 0.04909 113 86 23 4
1632 How's your head? 1.2743 0.04745 113 85 25 3
1633 When did this fear of sour cream dip begin? 1.2742 0.04904 124 96 22 6
1634 I think it would be best to leave and start new roots. 1.2742 0.04485 124 93 28 3
1635 Don't worry about everyone else. What about you? Does broccoli like broccoli 1.2742 0.04768 124 95 24 5
1636 Might I suggest it would be healthier to think of yourself as the forgiving tree? 1.2738 0.06189 84 66 13 5
1637 I have no self-esteam. 1.2737 0.05062 95 71 22 2
1638 It's time for you to be the RECEVING tree. 1.2737 0.05279 95 72 20 3
1639 You look stalked! 1.2737 0.05487 95 73 18 4
1640 Is it realistic to think that being an entrée would solve all of your problems? 1.2737 0.05279 95 72 20 3
1641 Maybe it is time for you to branch out. 1.2737 0.05062 95 71 22 2
1642 Would you happen to have a pillow for my head? The arm of this couch is killing me. 1.2737 0.05881 95 75 14 6
1643 What exactly is it about children that concerns you? 1.2737 0.05487 95 73 18 4
1644 Remember, you were just a sapling back then. 1.2736 0.05110 106 81 21 4
1645 You’re having an existential crisis because no one was there to hear? 1.2736 0.05451 106 83 17 6
1646 Im listening, but you seem reluctant to reveal whether you’re cruciferous or deciduous. 1.2736 0.05283 106 82 19 5
1647 You’re broccoli.. everyone hates you 1.2736 0.05283 106 82 19 5
1648 Which state of being troubles you the most, frozen, steamed, or raw? 1.2735 0.05239 117 92 18 7
1649 SuperFoods are allowed to have CrapDays. 1.2735 0.04949 117 90 22 5
1650 So when will you put down roots? 1.2734 0.04798 128 99 23 6
1651 You should be happy you’re an oak. It’s a lot easier to spell than eucalyptus. 1.2727 0.05766 88 68 16 4
1652 Relax, close your eyes, and remember when you were just an acorn. 1.2727 0.04699 132 102 24 6
1653 You feel Alfredo is smothering you?” 1.2727 0.05116 121 95 19 7
1654 So you say you did fall in the forest? 1.2727 0.04817 110 83 24 3
1655 Please tell me more about this recurring dream where you turn into a bunch of farts? 1.2727 0.06203 88 70 12 6
1656 I think you will need to find a new therapist. Truth be told, I just don't like Broccoli. 1.2727 0.05337 99 76 19 4
1657 Stop stalking me. 1.2727 0.05466 110 87 16 7
1658 It appears the diet-change therapy is working well! 1.2727 0.04987 110 84 22 4
1659 Let’s get to the root of the problem 1.2727 0.04979 121 94 21 6
1660 Before we start, who is your barber? 1.2727 0.05710 99 78 15 6
1661 I don't think your stalking her is going to help anything. 1.2727 0.05988 88 69 14 5
1662 You seem to be overburdened with carbon sequestration. May I suggest seeing a climatologist or possibly an environmentalist 1.2727 0.04987 110 84 22 4
1663 In a sense, we’re all ‘just a side.’ 1.2727 0.05527 99 77 17 5
1664 I need more friends. I'm not sure I can absorb any more carbon, Doc. 1.2727 0.05337 99 76 19 4
1665 But the important thing is that I can hear you NOW. 1.2727 0.04817 110 83 24 3
1666 It's funny you say that about your hair... 1.2727 0.04695 121 92 25 4
1667 Hey I know you! My kids hate you. … To be honest, I’m not a fan either. 1.2719 0.05180 114 89 19 6
1668 We need to get to your roots 1.2718 0.05012 103 78 22 3
1669 So why do feel that children don't like you? 1.2718 0.05012 103 78 22 3
1670 Let's get to the roots of your problem 1.2718 0.05198 103 79 20 4
1671 Just because you think everyone hates you, doesn’t make it true. 1.2718 0.05012 103 78 22 3
1672 Have you considered branching out of your comfort zone? 1.2718 0.05378 103 80 18 5
1673 Why do you think people don't want to hug you? 1.2717 0.05595 92 71 17 4
1674 No one is Stalking you. buttering up? Absolutely! 1.2717 0.05377 92 70 19 3
1675 Your problem is that you are a tree. 1.2717 0.05595 92 71 17 4
1676 A lot of us want to return to our roots. 1.2717 0.05377 92 70 19 3
1677 After steaming, you could control it better with a little butter. 1.2717 0.05804 92 72 15 5
1678 You need to put down roots. 1.2717 0.05595 92 71 17 4
1679 Instead of fearing the steamer, might you not see it as a seven-minute passage to a truer, more uh, flavorful, you? 1.2717 0.05595 92 71 17 4
1680 I don't think dogs have anything against you personally. 1.2716 0.06089 81 63 14 4
1681 Tell me more about the chirpy voices in your head. 1.2716 0.06337 81 64 12 5
1682 Veg out all you want. I was a couch potato for years. 1.2712 0.05058 118 92 20 6
1683 Wow, so it sounds like that really uprooted your life. 1.2712 0.05199 118 93 18 7
1684 How old were you when you first heard about 'shelf-life'? 1.2710 0.05069 107 82 21 4
1685 And after you fell in the forest, tell me, did you feel unheard? 1.2710 0.04892 107 81 23 3
1686 No prescription is going to make others like you. But there's an over the counter device called a deep fryer... 1.2710 0.04892 107 81 23 3
1687 Given your nature, I think the "stalker" charge was inevitable. 1.2710 0.05069 107 82 21 4
1688 I'm curious. When you fell in the forest, did it make a sound? 1.2710 0.05240 107 83 19 5
1689 Everyone may be talking about his crust, but Cauliflower will never top a baked potato like you. 1.2708 0.05231 96 73 20 3
1690 So you're telling me that, when you fell, nobody was around but you made a sound? 1.2708 0.06012 96 77 12 7
1691 Unfortunately, foot-shaming has become a real problem in your community. 1.2708 0.05231 96 73 20 3
1692 Yes, we'll definitely work on finding your roots. 1.2708 0.05231 96 73 20 3
1693 Brock, these feelings you’re having for broccolini are a little concerning. After all, she is your first cousin. 1.2706 0.05891 85 66 15 4
1694 So, you say you fell and nobody heard? 1.2706 0.05648 85 65 17 3
1695 I understand. When did you stop self-identifying as cruciferous? 1.2706 0.05648 85 65 17 3
1696 Frankly, I think you're a most attractive tree and I NEVER said you look like broccoli! 1.2705 0.04804 122 94 23 5
1697 Can you tell me more about your roots? 1.2703 0.04948 111 85 22 4
1698 You know, everyone has that feeling of being stuck in place sometimes. 1.2703 0.04605 111 83 26 2
1699 It's actually normal to feel down after becoming an empty-nester. 1.2703 0.05111 111 86 20 5
1700 You have Desparagus. 1.2703 0.05422 111 88 16 7
1701 I think the problem stems from your roots. 1.2703 0.05111 111 86 20 5
1702 One of my problems is that I hear birds singing in my head all the time. 1.2703 0.06467 74 58 12 4
1703 You remind me of my salad days. 1.2703 0.05269 111 87 18 6
1704 So how did you feel after you fell in the forest and nobody heard you? 1.2700 0.05478 100 78 17 5
1705 I can't discuss previous patients but be thankful you're not kale. 1.2700 0.05660 100 79 15 6
1706 Good session. I'm starting you on grated cheese applied topically and gradually adding butter sauce. 1.2700 0.05291 100 77 19 4
1707 Do you ever feel rootless? 1.2700 0.05478 100 78 17 5
1708 How long will it take to get to the roots of your problem? Let's say three days a week for about seven years." 1.2700 0.05291 100 77 19 4
1709 I got nothing. 1.2700 0.05660 100 79 15 6
1710 That's funny, you don't look Deciduous. 1.2700 0.05291 100 77 19 4
1711 So you say you're a broccoholic?? 1.2700 0.05291 100 77 19 4
1712 Ok…so, you fell in the forest, and then what happened? 1.2697 0.06140 89 71 12 6
1713 People just keep remarking how healthy I am. 1.2697 0.05929 89 70 14 5
1714 I AM here to listen. But I need more from you than a few rustles here and there. 1.2697 0.05243 89 67 20 2
1715 It sounds like you really hated yourself as a kid. 1.2692 0.05505 104 82 16 6
1716 The senior George Bush has sadly passed on, so why do you continue to hold this grudge? 1.2692 0.05505 104 82 16 6
1717 Conditioner might help. 1.2692 0.04970 104 79 22 3
1718 When did all this hugging start to bother you? 1.2692 0.05155 104 80 20 4
1719 Do you realize that covering yourself in cheese is your way if seeking outside validation rather than self approval? 1.2692 0.05505 104 82 16 6
1720 So you want to be a tree in Brooklyn? 1.2689 0.05297 119 95 16 8
1721 First off, a haircut. 1.2688 0.05103 93 70 21 2
1722 I can't tell yet whether you are a fruit tree or a nut tree 1.2688 0.04868 93 69 23 1
1723 Dude, nice hair 1.2688 0.05542 93 72 17 4
1724 There is no chance you are going to become a Louisville Slugger. 1.2685 0.05520 108 86 15 7
1725 Your fear of butter is actually quite rational 1.2685 0.04853 108 82 23 3
1726 And how is your effort to become an avocado working for you? 1.2683 0.04628 123 94 25 4
1727 Sounds like you’ve been sitting on a pile of dirt! 1.2683 0.05501 82 62 18 2
1728 Would you like some cheese? 1.2680 0.05388 97 75 18 4
1729 In my professional opinion, it's good that children don't want to eat you. 1.2680 0.05584 97 76 16 5
1730 And how does that make you feel, to lose all your leaves? 1.2680 0.05584 97 76 16 5
1731 What you have is a fear of putting down roots. 1.2680 0.04973 97 73 22 2
1732 Your feelings of inadequacy seem to be deeply rooted. 1.2680 0.04973 97 73 22 2
1733 Let me give you the truncated version... 1.2679 0.05227 112 88 18 6
1734 I think if you branch out more, people will be more accepting. 1.2679 0.04570 112 84 26 2
1735 OK let's pick up where we left off, you had a bad dream where you were being stalked. 1.2679 0.04909 112 86 22 4
1736 It’s a classic case of cauliflower envy 1.2679 0.05071 112 87 20 5
1737 Then mother said no vegetables- no dessert. 1.2679 0.05071 112 87 20 5
1738 I'm sorry Mr. Broccoli, but you must simply stop thinking of yourself as a tree. 1.2674 0.05830 86 67 15 4
1739 I’m sorry, but I still can’t understand why you broke off your relationship with beef. 1.2674 0.05591 86 66 17 3
1740 So you are here for some treetment? 1.2674 0.05830 86 67 15 4
1741 Deep breath please... for all of us. 1.2674 0.05591 86 66 17 3
1742 Let's talk about your last soy sauce nightmare. 1.2674 0.05078 86 64 21 1
1743 But how can they, if you don’t like yourself? 1.2674 0.06060 86 68 13 5
1744 Would it be comforting to acknowledge that "stalk" has more than one meaning? 1.2673 0.05052 101 77 21 3
1745 You’re talking apples and oranges 1.2673 0.05245 101 78 19 4
1746 I can see this relationship is eating you up 1.2673 0.05052 101 77 21 3
1747 I think we can get to the root cause of your problems. 1.2673 0.05245 101 78 19 4
1748 I did not realize your problems stemmed from your head. 1.2673 0.05610 101 80 15 6
1749 Let’s try to get to the root cause. 1.2672 0.04798 116 89 23 4
1750 Your identity crisis is understandable. I can’t tell if you are a tree or broccoli. 1.2672 0.05101 116 91 19 6
1751 You're making progress. I feel confident you'll see real change by fall. 1.2667 0.05653 90 70 16 4
1752 And your brother E-Coli has not been receptive? 1.2667 0.04929 105 80 22 3
1753 Well, what would "easy being green" look like to you? 1.2667 0.04984 120 94 20 6
1754 And why do you feel that cauliflower has taken over? 1.2667 0.05193 90 68 20 2
1755 Sorry I can't help you. There is no billable code for "Clearcut Anxiety Syndrome." 1.2667 0.05288 105 82 18 5
1756 Frankly, your dreams of being eaten alive are driven by a severe, irrational anxiety. I'm prescribing Prozac and a zesty lemon-garlic vinaigrette" 1.2667 0.05458 105 83 16 6
1757 So you’re feeling raw. Let’s go with that. 1.2667 0.05653 90 70 16 4
1758 How are you doing with branching out? 1.2667 0.04740 105 79 24 2
1759 I think you've got a stalker. 1.2667 0.05428 90 69 18 3
1760 So even in childhood, you didn't like you? 1.2667 0.05193 90 68 20 2
1761 Your inability to become pizza crust does not define you. 1.2667 0.06102 75 58 14 3
1762 You’re not a kid anymore. It’s okay to like yourself. 1.2667 0.04694 120 92 24 4
1763 Talk about what's it's like being yew 1.2667 0.04841 120 93 22 5
1764 So, you're initially firm, but when you get steamed up, you get limp? 1.2667 0.05288 105 82 18 5
1765 Not my area, but I can refer you to the top topiarist in town. 1.2667 0.06102 75 58 14 3
1766 It’s called root cause analysis 1.2667 0.04929 105 80 22 3
1767 Somebody spotted a worm and sent you here to have your head examined 1.2661 0.04634 109 82 25 2
1768 So, you think you're being stalked? 1.2661 0.05475 109 87 15 7
1769 So tell me of this dream where your DNA is spliced with a frog 1.2661 0.05317 109 86 17 6
1770 So what is it that has you so steamed up? 1.2661 0.05155 109 85 19 5
1771 You can’t go everywhere with Cheese, it’s just not healthy. 1.2660 0.05056 94 71 21 2
1772 Would you say you are more depressed in the fall? 1.2660 0.05490 94 73 17 4
1773 It all started with George H. W. Bush....... 1.2660 0.05278 94 72 19 3
1774 I'm going to go out on a limb here. You have to decide what you want to be ... broccoli or tree? 1.2660 0.05056 94 71 21 2
1775 Only a chicken would refer to you as his side dish. 1.2660 0.05695 94 74 15 5
1776 How soon will you be branching out? 1.2660 0.04825 94 70 23 1
1777 But your terror when vegans approach is not irrational." 1.2660 0.05695 94 74 15 5
1778 I believe your ancestors are a bag of mixed nuts. 1.2660 0.05490 94 73 17 4
1779 You know I'm a chef, right? 1.2658 0.06670 79 64 9 6
1780 Frankly, you need to put down roots. 1.2658 0.06165 79 62 13 4
1781 Just imagine life as a cauliflower.... 1.2655 0.05336 113 90 16 7
1782 I think the issue is some early floret anxiety. 1.2655 0.04536 113 85 26 2
1783 Let’s talk about your relationship with birds. 1.2655 0.04536 113 85 26 2
1784 Have I not tree-ed you right? 1.2655 0.05031 113 88 20 5
1785 You seem to feel uprooted. 1.2655 0.04707 113 86 24 3
1786 Can you recall when you first imagined that everyone hates you? 1.2655 0.05336 113 90 16 7
1787 Unfortunately Rootlessness isn’t covered by your insurance…however we have a significant deciduous discount 1.2655 0.04536 113 85 26 2
1788 So you fell in the forest and no one cared. 1.2653 0.05340 98 76 18 4
1789 Well, I believe you. Let's explore the sound you made. 1.2653 0.05340 98 76 18 4
1790 I just feel so raw inside. 1.2653 0.05340 98 76 18 4
1791 So you say you're confused about whether you're a tree or broccoli. 1.2653 0.05533 98 77 16 5
1792 Let’s talk about your roots. 1.2653 0.04930 98 74 22 2
1793 You have to branch out - pack your trunk and leave. 1.2653 0.05720 98 78 14 6
1794 You've shared a lot today Jared, thank you for that raw emotion. 1.2653 0.05139 98 75 20 3
1795 Branching out may work for you. But whatever you decide to do, I'm rooting for you. 1.2652 0.04793 132 104 21 7
1796 Trust me. Changing your name to Rabe will make you bitter. 1.2651 0.06201 83 66 12 5
1797 Yes, I did say to stretch before you leaf. 1.2651 0.05444 83 63 18 2
1798 It's time you branched out. 1.2651 0.05167 83 62 20 1
1799 If you're so healthy, why are you calling yourself "the worst vegetable"? 1.2651 0.05707 83 64 16 3
1800 I always thought I had a good head on my shoulders, Doc, but these days, I just don't know... 1.2651 0.05959 83 65 14 4
1801 So was your mother always deciduous? 1.2651 0.05959 83 65 14 4
1802 Have you tried hugging yourself? 1.2650 0.04763 117 90 23 4
1803 I know it's tough for your social life Mr. Broccoli, but the reality is most people will probably always avoid you. 1.2650 0.04763 117 90 23 4
1804 If you're delusional then why is there sap on my couch? 1.2647 0.05732 102 82 13 7
1805 And steamed here means angry? 1.2647 0.05009 102 78 21 3
1806 How does it make you feel when children say they hate you? 1.2647 0.06498 68 53 12 3
1807 Since Fall is almost here, I’d like a six month retainer. 1.2647 0.05383 102 80 17 5
1808 It's been over 30 years since Bush Sr. brought your career to a halt. You've got to let it go! 1.2647 0.05009 102 78 21 3
1809 I'm wondering when you fell in that forest and you were all alone, if you had the feeling that you weren't making a sound. 1.2647 0.05383 102 80 17 5
1810 I feel like everyone’s trying to cut me down 1.2647 0.04812 102 77 23 2
1811 I sense you're feeling uprooted. 1.2647 0.05009 102 78 21 3
1812 So, the annual sap run has left you drained? 1.2647 0.05200 102 79 19 4
1813 So, you say you’re feeling stalked? 1.2644 0.05771 87 68 15 4
1814 Yes, I'm sure hair care products can be a challenge for you. 1.2644 0.05771 87 68 15 4
1815 Sure, broccoli is good for everyone, but you want to know what's in it for broccoli. 1.2644 0.05535 87 67 17 3
1816 Whoa!Seems to be a deeply rooted problem. 1.2644 0.05288 87 66 19 2
1817 No, no cheese sauce...so many people like you exactly the way you are! 1.2644 0.05535 87 67 17 3
1818 I know I told you to add bulk and fiber but that is ridiculous. 1.2642 0.04889 106 81 22 3
1819 What is it that has you so steamed this week? 1.2642 0.05069 106 82 20 4
1820 Stop worrying about what children think of you. 1.2642 0.05244 106 83 18 5
1821 Looks like you could use a hug. 1.2642 0.05244 106 83 18 5
1822 Are you looking to explore your roots? 1.2642 0.05069 106 82 20 4
1823 I think you'll feel better if you start branching out more. 1.2642 0.05244 106 83 18 5
1824 Is that two "cs" and one 'l?" 1.2642 0.04889 106 81 22 3
1825 Don't you think you should branch out a bit, and give the stalking routine a rest? 1.2640 0.04970 125 99 19 7
1826 Yes, prejudice is a terrible thing. 1.2637 0.05599 91 71 16 4
1827 Stop saying you're a head case. We don't use that term in here. 1.2637 0.05376 91 70 18 3
1828 I understand your anger, but I do ask that you not refer to them as 'birches'. 1.2637 0.05813 91 72 14 5
1829 The important thing is that YOU love your stalk. 1.2637 0.05376 91 70 18 3
1830 I am going to need you to work on your roots 1.2636 0.05274 110 87 17 6
1831 Why don’t you share with me the path you took from sapling to full canopy? 1.2636 0.04948 110 85 21 4
1832 So, You aren't satisfied with your arborist. I think that coif is stunning on you. 1.2636 0.04776 110 84 23 3
1833 Well, to tell you the truth, I have been concerned about some clients stalking me ... 1.2636 0.05274 110 87 17 6
1834 First, you need to unload your foliage and ease your feelings. Think of the fall season and relax! 1.2632 0.04671 114 87 24 3
1835 If a tree lay on my couch and complained, but I zoned out, did it utter a sound? 1.2632 0.05229 95 73 19 3
1836 I have to say, that is quite the head of hair! 1.2632 0.05229 95 73 19 3
1837 Why the wooden expression? 1.2632 0.05439 95 74 17 4
1838 I am sure Groot will have tree friends again 1.2632 0.05439 95 74 17 4
1839 Maybe it's time to branch out. 1.2632 0.05011 95 72 21 2
1840 Have you tried letting off some steam? 1.2632 0.04671 114 87 24 3
1841 No, I don’t know why children do not like you. 1.2627 0.04878 118 92 21 5
1842 It's not your childhood,your problem is you can't see the forest through the trees. 1.2627 0.04572 118 90 25 3
1843 I know, they keep asking if they can touch your hair. 1.2626 0.05292 99 77 18 4
1844 You're just as good without cheese. You know you can't listen to those kids. 1.2626 0.05094 99 76 20 3
1845 It's a bit out of my wheelhouse but I would recommend using a leave-in conditioner followed by an anti-frizz curl quencher. 1.2626 0.05847 99 80 12 7
1846 Why do YOU think kids seem to dislike you? 1.2626 0.05292 99 77 18 4
1847 Did you have any trouble finding a cab? 1.2626 0.04887 99 75 22 2
1848 Tell me more about your mom pouring water on your head in the bathtub. 1.2625 0.05831 80 62 15 3
1849 Why do you feel you have to be as popular as kale? 1.2625 0.05831 80 62 15 3
1850 I'm searching for my roots 1.2625 0.05553 80 61 17 2
1851 Yes,my specialty is psychiatree 1.2625 0.05831 80 62 15 3
1852 So when the guests arrive, let's promise each other we won't keep taking about our HAIR! 1.2623 0.05047 122 97 18 7
1853 You're being paranoid. Not everybody is anti-oxidant. 1.2621 0.05337 103 81 17 5
1854 How does it feel to not be called a 'comfort food?' 1.2621 0.05155 103 80 19 4
1855 They chewed me up and spat me out. 1.2621 0.05337 103 81 17 5
1856 Anxiety about your back, huh? If I say lumbar, you think..? 1.2621 0.05337 103 81 17 5
1857 Try this affirmation: "I'm not broccoli. I'm a tree. I'm uprooted, but I'm free." 1.2619 0.05648 84 65 16 3
1858 I think you’re suffering from kale envy. 1.2619 0.05648 84 65 16 3
1859 When did the 'stalking' begin? 1.2619 0.05115 84 63 20 1
1860 Ignore that small stuff, Broc. You're going to wilt in 3 days. 1.2617 0.05367 107 85 16 6
1861 Your bitterness is definitely rooted in childhood. 1.2617 0.05028 107 83 20 4
1862 Feelings of abandonment are tough, but our goal is to not let them consume you. 1.2614 0.05937 88 70 13 5
1863 It's good to aspire to greatness, but the market is very small for giant broccoli. 1.2614 0.04711 88 65 23 0
1864 When did you decide to become a vegetarian? 1.2614 0.05937 88 70 13 5
1865 So you fell in the forest, but you don't feel heard? 1.2614 0.05713 88 69 15 4
1866 Well, I like your haircut. 1.2614 0.05480 88 68 17 3
1867 I use Brylcreem to manage my doo. 1.2613 0.04739 111 85 23 3
1868 I'm sorry, but I think you have carrot envy 1.2613 0.04563 111 84 25 2
1869 She said I give off stalker vibes 1.2613 0.04739 111 85 23 3
1870 What a coincidence! Being covered in cheese is my worst fear, too. 1.2613 0.05073 111 87 19 5
1871 After your analysis you’ll definitely be able to see the forest for the trees. 1.2613 0.04563 111 84 25 2
1872 Yes, you're short and look like a stalk of broccoli, but that doesn't mean you any less of a tree. 1.2613 0.04739 111 85 23 3
1873 I'm sure you don't give everyone gas. 1.2609 0.04954 115 90 20 5
1874 I see, you’re feeling VERY uprooted. 1.2609 0.05545 92 72 16 4
1875 In your case, I think you do need to be more grounded in order to achieve personal growth 1.2609 0.05545 92 72 16 4
1876 I wish I had some paper to write down your thoughts. 1.2609 0.05756 92 73 14 5
1877 Seems like that’s the stem of all your problems. 1.2609 0.05325 92 71 18 3
1878 So…you couldn’t find the forest? 1.2609 0.05096 92 70 20 2
1879 Do you feel that underlying your recent self doubt is the popularity of kale? 1.2609 0.04856 92 69 22 1
1880 I understand you are tired of being green and healthy but you’ll just have to accept it. 1.2609 0.05960 92 74 12 6
1881 It's time to start thinking about having a broccolini. 1.2609 0.05096 92 70 20 2
1882 ...so how do you feel when she calls you a couch potato? 1.2609 0.05325 92 71 18 3
1883 You went from farm to table. Now what? 1.2609 0.05960 92 74 12 6
1884 I would venture to say that you are in a healthy head space. 1.2605 0.04213 119 89 29 1
1885 You have so much more to offer than just your florets. 1.2604 0.05389 96 75 17 4
1886 It must be difficult to have to hold up the whole tree. 1.2604 0.05589 96 76 15 5
1887 Let's get to the root of it all. 1.2604 0.04966 96 73 21 2
1888 Why don’t you tell me about your roots. 1.2604 0.04740 96 72 23 1
1889 I know this is hard. Just remember, you’re mahogany 1.2604 0.05182 96 74 19 3
1890 So you have had relationships with climbers, huggers, and others that just want to cut you down, is that right? 1.2604 0.05182 96 74 19 3
1891 You have to love yourself first. 1.2604 0.05589 96 76 15 5
1892 My parents were nuts. 1.2604 0.05389 96 75 17 4
1893 I believe your fear of cheese can be traced to your roots. 1.2600 0.05245 100 78 18 4
1894 You say that kids don't like you, and you have frequent nightmares about being cooked and eaten—just how often are those nightmares? 1.2600 0.05049 100 77 20 3
1895 Stalking is actually a very normal behavior for patients like you. 1.2600 0.05049 100 77 20 3
1896 I'm sorry Bill, but I did advise you against the implants 1.2600 0.05049 100 77 20 3
1897 Why do you feel like I'm going to bite your head off? 1.2600 0.05435 100 79 16 5
1898 Consider just for a moment that you are a superfood. 1.2600 0.05617 100 80 14 6
1899 George W. Bush is hardly in a position to dictate your self-esteem! 1.2597 0.05669 77 59 16 2
1900 Sounds like your parents were not of the garden variety. 1.2597 0.05963 77 60 14 3
1901 Well you're NO couch potato, that's for sure! 1.2596 0.05796 104 85 11 8
1902 So you feel like you're being stalked? 1.2596 0.04926 104 80 21 3
1903 Little tree? Big broccoli? It doesn't matter. What matters is how you feel about being green. 1.2596 0.05291 104 82 17 5
1904 No really, I think green is your color. 1.2593 0.05323 108 86 16 6
1905 So you attribute the start of your low sense of self-esteem to when the 41st President claimed he hated broccoli? 1.2593 0.04810 108 83 22 3
1906 At least now you've realized that your problem extends across your entire family tree. 1.2593 0.05483 108 87 14 7
1907 No, you're right, everyone does hate you. 1.2589 0.04702 112 86 23 3
1908 And how does it make you feel, discovering that you are even less liked then Brussel sprouts? 1.2589 0.04702 112 86 23 3
1909 I think you need to start branching out more. 1.2589 0.05033 112 88 19 5
1910 That must have been difficult for you - coming from the ground up. 1.2589 0.05033 112 88 19 5
1911 Tell me about your sprouthood. 1.2588 0.06070 85 68 12 5
1912 The holidays are awful if you aren't a Christmas tree. 1.2588 0.05333 85 65 18 2
1913 I keep dreaming about finding my roots. 1.2588 0.05589 85 66 16 3
1914 It's not a complex. You ARE a broccolo. 1.2588 0.05333 85 65 18 2
1915 As original as your song might seem, "Its Not Easy Being Green" has been taken. 1.2588 0.05333 85 65 18 2
1916 We'll join the other trees in grief group after our session. 1.2588 0.05589 85 66 16 3
1917 I know I'd be good for him-- but he just doesn't care. 1.2588 0.05589 85 66 16 3
1918 Imagine how a dentist feels. 1.2586 0.05066 116 92 18 6
1919 Yea, look, it's fall and you need to let it go. 1.2584 0.05185 89 68 19 2
1920 Are you saying you don't understand why your cheese sauce has rejected you?? 1.2584 0.05426 89 69 17 3
1921 Maybe it's time to establish some roots. 1.2584 0.05426 89 69 17 3
1922 So you are saying you identify as a vegetable?” 1.2584 0.05185 89 68 19 2
1923 Broccoli or tree: only you have the power to determine who you are. 1.2584 0.05656 89 70 15 4
1924 Some patients do complain about their family tree, but not about their tree family. I think you need a tree doctor. 1.2584 0.05878 89 71 13 5
1925 You're still raw. 1.2581 0.04811 93 70 22 1
1926 Have you thought about getting back to your roots? 1.2581 0.04416 124 95 26 3
1927 When I said 'Be a Tree', I just wanted you to leave. 1.2581 0.04841 124 98 20 6
1928 I said cruciferous,not vociferous. A little sensitive,are we? 1.2581 0.05275 93 72 18 3
1929 Mr. Broccoli, it's mainly in your head. 1.2581 0.04562 124 96 24 4
1930 Your reoccurring nightmare that it won't grow back is very common at your age 1.2581 0.05048 93 71 20 2
1931 These chainsaw dreams . . . can we take a minute to work on them? 1.2581 0.05701 93 74 14 5
1932 Before we begin,I just want you to know that I hated you as a child. How does that make you feel? 1.2581 0.05492 93 73 16 4
1933 So true. It isn’t easy being green 1.2581 0.05701 93 74 14 5
1934 How long have you feared woods that are lovely, dark and deep? 1.2581 0.05701 93 74 14 5
1935 Ok, and how's the head goin'? 1.2581 0.04704 124 97 22 5
1936 Making friends with more liberals might make your life feel more validated . 1.2577 0.05913 97 79 11 7
1937 Please don't take what dogs do personally. 1.2577 0.05340 97 76 17 4
1938 Being a vegetarian, it would be unethical for me to offer any advice 1.2577 0.05135 97 75 19 3
1939 Let's see if we can find the root of your problems. 1.2577 0.05913 97 79 11 7
1940 Leaves fall, they grow back. That's adulthood. 1.2577 0.05340 97 76 17 4
1941 You should probably talk to a doctor at our branch office. 1.2577 0.05135 97 75 19 3
1942 Look, it's your couch, but it's my TV, and I'm going to watch The Iron Chef! 1.2577 0.05538 97 77 15 5
1943 You’ve lived a long, full life. It’s time to branch out. 1.2577 0.05728 97 78 13 6
1944 We need to branch out more to get to the root of your problem. 1.2574 0.04593 101 76 24 1
1945 There's really no cause for concern, the lumberjack with a chainsaw nightmare is a fairly common phenomenon. 1.2574 0.05200 101 79 18 4
1946 It's not you. It's the children. 1.2574 0.05006 101 78 20 3
1947 So your friends call you a fruit? 1.2574 0.05567 101 81 14 6
1948 You're being paranoid again. No one's trying to boil you alive. 1.2574 0.05006 101 78 20 3
1949 No, it doesn't necessarily mean you're jealous. 1.2571 0.05418 105 84 15 6
1950 Some people just don't appreciate your benefits to them. 1.2571 0.04286 105 78 27 0
1951 I’m stumped too. 1.2571 0.04694 105 80 23 2
1952 Isn’t it enough that YOU know you graduated from Stanford University? 1.2571 0.05069 105 82 19 4
1953 First we must address your fear of becoming a vegetable. 1.2571 0.05246 105 83 17 5
1954 And why do you think you're having problems putting down roots? 1.2569 0.04947 109 85 20 4
1955 I believe your problems stem from being uprooted 1.2569 0.04947 109 85 20 4
1956 I would suggest drinking more water. 1.2569 0.04591 109 83 24 2
1957 Therapy is supposed to be raw. 1.2566 0.04993 113 89 19 5
1958 Look, I get it. Sometimes the climate just changes you. 1.2566 0.05149 113 90 17 6
1959 It is my professional opinion that your fear of peanut butter is holding back your popularity. 1.2566 0.04494 113 86 25 2
1960 She says you’re all bark and no bite. 1.2564 0.06171 78 62 12 4
1961 There’s nothing I can do. Either move from Vermont to a different climate or you’ll be bald by mid November. 1.2564 0.05172 117 94 16 7
1962 I'm sorry your teacher quoted Shakespeare, but 'Uneasy is the head that wears the crown' was not about you. 1.2564 0.05605 78 60 16 2
1963 I am going to refer you to and ENT specialist. 1.2564 0.05895 78 61 14 3
1964 So, let’s go back to the nursery… 1.2564 0.05895 78 61 14 3
1965 You’re tall for a broccoli. Ever play basketball? 1.2562 0.04625 121 94 23 4
1966 Let me guess-you feel stumped by your neighbors. 1.2561 0.05151 82 62 19 1
1967 The conifers are not laughing at you, leaffall is a part of your life. 1.2561 0.05706 82 64 15 3
1968 Unfortunately, some people will probably always find you bitter. 1.2558 0.05279 86 66 18 2
1969 I think it's fine for you to come in here and let off some steam 1.2558 0.05279 86 66 18 2
1970 Do you think stalking is healthy behavior? 1.2558 0.05774 86 68 14 4
1971 Who says a broccoli can’t play “Annie” ? 1.2558 0.05774 86 68 14 4
1972 I think it's time to turn over a new leaf. 1.2558 0.06006 86 69 12 5
1973 It's a well known fact, it isn't easy being green 1.2556 0.05819 90 72 13 5
1974 The steam room dream again, huh? 1.2556 0.05373 90 70 17 3
1975 Losing your leaves is seasonal, the leaves will grow back. 1.2556 0.05135 90 69 19 2
1976 I don't care what the toddlers think, what do YOU think about you? 1.2556 0.05135 90 69 19 2
1977 We've discussed this before, heavy is the head that wears the crown. 1.2556 0.05373 90 70 17 3
1978 So, tell me about your saplings. 1.2556 0.05600 90 71 15 4
1979 While I appreciate your discomfort regarding this issue, I am going to need at least one piece of paper to take notes 1.2556 0.05819 90 72 13 5
1980 Well, you Are green . .and you Can be jolly . .two out of three isn't bad . . . 1.2553 0.05226 94 73 18 3
1981 Maybe you should branch out more 1.2553 0.05226 94 73 18 3
1982 Arbor Day blues? 1.2553 0.05647 94 75 14 5
1983 It's not a delusion, Olive. 1.2553 0.05226 94 73 18 3
1984 Have you ever tried taking a step back to look at the whole forest? 1.2553 0.05440 94 74 16 4
1985 So when stress comes, you're not cool as a cucumber. 1.2553 0.05647 94 75 14 5
1986 It's not alopecia; it's autumn. 1.2553 0.05647 94 75 14 5
1987 You should strive to feel comfortable in your own bark. 1.2553 0.05002 94 72 20 2
1988 Nobody likes me. 1.2551 0.05676 98 79 13 6
1989 I think you’re wrong. Brussels sprouts and cauliflower are the ones that nobody likes anymore. 1.2551 0.05487 98 78 15 5
1990 So why do you feel your family uprooted you ? 1.2551 0.05487 98 78 15 5
1991 Maybe you should branch out. 1.2551 0.05089 98 76 19 3
1992 I understand that you think your family is 'nuts' but we don't use that word here. 1.2551 0.05676 98 79 13 6
1993 Really, the cauliflower rice craze is waning. Your time is coming. 1.2551 0.05292 98 77 17 4
1994 Of course, there's more to you than just your florets." 1.2551 0.05858 98 80 11 7
1995 At what point, Daffodil, did you first regret the surgery? 1.2549 0.05340 102 81 16 5
1996 Sorry. I don't hug. 1.2549 0.05340 102 81 16 5
1997 Mr. Oakley, let's talk about that chip on your shoulder you have about climate change. 1.2549 0.05340 102 81 16 5
1998 I don't know whether to criticize your afro for cultural appropriation or to congratulate you for being so green. 1.2549 0.04963 102 79 20 3
1999 You have to try to find your inner peas. 1.2547 0.05027 106 83 19 4
2000 So you think that Cauliflower is beginning to overshadow you? 1.2547 0.04655 106 81 23 2
2001 You can't see the forest for the trees. 1.2547 0.05027 106 83 19 4
2002 Just be thankful you're not an asparagus! 1.2547 0.05027 106 83 19 4
2003 So you are here because you’re concerned about the collapse of the stalk market? 1.2547 0.04845 106 82 21 3
2004 You can wear fashionable decor during the winter. Your crowning glory will return in the spring. 1.2547 0.04655 106 81 23 2
2005 We both know nothing will matter until we get to the root of the problem. 1.2547 0.04845 106 82 21 3
2006 Tell me why you feel so rootless. 1.2545 0.04907 110 86 20 4
2007 Your condition has me completely stumped. 1.2545 0.04907 110 86 20 4
2008 How did you feel when she said you were 'sappy'? 1.2545 0.04907 110 86 20 4
2009 Every day is a bad hair day!! 1.2544 0.04955 114 90 19 5
2010 It’s absolutely appropriate for you to feel unrooted. 1.2544 0.04631 114 88 23 3
2011 You need to branch out into new directions 1.2542 0.04533 118 91 24 3
2012 To be quite honest, Betty, I never did like you. 1.2540 0.04638 126 99 22 5
2013 I'm just as stumped as you! 1.2532 0.06361 79 64 10 5
2014 I think you’ve lost your roots. 1.2532 0.06361 79 64 10 5
2015 Which makes you feel better about yourself - ranch or blue? 1.2532 0.05544 79 61 16 2
2016 I just want to be more memorable. You know...like asparagus. 1.2532 0.06361 79 64 10 5
2017 To be honest, we've both been throwing shade. 1.2530 0.05899 83 66 13 4
2018 Would you like some water ? 1.2530 0.05899 83 66 13 4
2019 I think you have a severe case of separation anxiety. 1.2530 0.05098 83 63 19 1
2020 I want you to try to understand that it's not your fault Bob heated you up in the office microwave. 1.2529 0.05715 87 69 14 4
2021 How long have you had these fears of becoming board? 1.2529 0.05476 87 68 16 3
2022 Often times it helps to be with those who suffer from the same thing. Have you thought about befriending peas and carrots? 1.2529 0.05226 87 67 18 2
2023 I'm happy to provide free advice for a small piece of your head. It looks delicious. 1.2527 0.05086 91 70 19 2
2024 Everyone hates me. 1.2527 0.05321 91 71 17 3
2025 Have you considered becoming a carnivore? 1.2527 0.05546 91 72 15 4
2026 THAT CONDITIONER REALLY WORKS 1.2527 0.05321 91 71 17 3
2027 Oh, it’s not just you. PTSD after deforestation is very common. 1.2527 0.04581 91 68 23 0
2028 Yes, but have you considered branching out a bit more? 1.2527 0.05321 91 71 17 3
2029 I don’t think you should read *anything* into her ordering beef with broccoli. 1.2527 0.05546 91 72 15 4
2030 There is a difference between thinking you are being stalked and being a stalk. 1.2526 0.05177 95 74 18 3
2031 Have you considered simply peeing back on them? 1.2526 0.05980 95 78 10 7
2032 You can't run away from your roots. 1.2526 0.04956 95 73 20 2
2033 i feel like i don't belong here , I'm having strong issues regarding my roots in this city life . 1.2526 0.05177 95 74 18 3
2034 So tell me why you're steamed? 1.2526 0.05177 95 74 18 3
2035 You say you've felt rootless lately? 1.2526 0.05389 95 75 16 4
2036 Well, wouldn't you expect to get a little depressed in the fall? 1.2526 0.05177 95 74 18 3
2037 I’ve got to warn you, I’m a tree hugger. 1.2526 0.05177 95 74 18 3
2038 O.K., so a lot of people don’t like dogs … 1.2525 0.05044 99 77 19 3
2039 Overwhelmed Doc, everyone wants a piece of me 1.2525 0.05438 99 79 15 5
2040 Let’s explore why you think nobody likes you. 1.2525 0.05245 99 78 17 4
2041 I'd give anything to have green hair! 1.2525 0.05044 99 77 19 3
2042 I bet you let all the boys count your rings. 1.2525 0.05044 99 77 19 3
2043 These bullies keep calling me E.Coli” 1.2525 0.05245 99 78 17 4
2044 Can I touch your hair? 1.2525 0.05044 99 77 19 3
2045 I get you feel ugly but at least people like you more than your brother. 1.2525 0.04836 99 76 21 2
2046 You're o.k.--just because you're a stalk doesn't make you a stalker. 1.2525 0.05245 99 78 17 4
2047 I feel like somebody is stalking me. 1.2524 0.05293 103 82 16 5
2048 All the other trees feel good about being green. 1.2524 0.05110 103 81 18 4
2049 So, in the dream, a kid leverages your emotional dependency until you are left only a stump? 1.2524 0.04723 103 79 22 2
2050 Leave. 1.2524 0.05110 103 81 18 4
2051 Well here we are , and I have always fancied Marge Simpson .. 1.2524 0.05293 103 82 16 5
2052 It seems you've been uprooted... 1.2524 0.05110 103 81 18 4
2053 Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean you're not being followed by people with chain saws. 1.2523 0.04985 107 84 19 4
2054 You shouldn't be so sad. Carrot and corn may be gaining on you, but you're still the most popular vegetable. 1.2523 0.04519 111 85 24 2
2055 Of course you have good taste. 1.2522 0.04759 115 90 21 4
2056 You've been mired in self-loathing and lack of self-esteem since the Bush-1 years. It's time to snap out of it. 1.2522 0.05069 115 92 17 6
2057 My advice: put down roots. 1.2522 0.04596 115 89 23 3
2058 Don't blame yourself - it's their problem when they say they hate the stalk, not yours. 1.2521 0.04339 119 91 26 2
2059 And why did you decide to move to Brooklyn in the first place? 1.2521 0.04952 119 95 18 6
2060 If you don’t work on yourself, you can’t have dessert. 1.2500 0.05960 76 60 13 3
2061 Why do you say people don’t like you? 1.2500 0.04944 108 85 19 4
2062 Mr. Sycamore, I suggest you spend less time fixating on your name. 1.2500 0.05175 88 68 18 2
2063 Try to remember that they're just kids. They don't understand that words hurt. 1.2500 0.05483 80 62 16 2
2064 I think we need to talk about your empty nest syndrome. 1.2500 0.04794 100 77 21 2
2065 A tree? No, I think you look more like penne and broccoli. 1.2500 0.04879 104 81 20 3
2066 So tell me about your relationship with cauliflower… 1.2500 0.05339 96 76 16 4
2067 Have you considered branching out? 1.2500 0.04879 104 81 20 3
2068 Look at it this way: You're better off than Ash. 1.2500 0.04916 88 67 20 1
2069 Why is it so important that everyone likes you? 1.2500 0.05198 100 79 17 4
2070 You think you have problems, I had brussel sprout in here last week and let me tell you... 1.2500 0.05837 84 67 13 4
2071 I just want kids to like me. 1.2500 0.06101 88 72 10 6
2072 Boy, you sure are steamed today, aren't you?! 1.2500 0.05175 88 68 18 2
2073 Ok, so just a little off the top? 1.2500 0.05389 100 80 15 5
2074 And how did being cut from the rest of the head make you feel? 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
2075 I didn't see you fall in the forest, but I do hear you. 1.2500 0.05837 84 67 13 4
2076 First he calls me Spinach then he's like, this is a child mind you, to hell with it! 1.2500 0.04722 116 91 21 4
2077 I can identify with you. I'm an Afro-Vegan. 1.2500 0.05506 72 55 16 1
2078 I was all alone in the forest when I fell… 1.2500 0.05421 88 69 16 3
2079 I have heard that it's not easy being green. 1.2500 0.04879 104 81 20 3
2080 Many of my deciduous clients experience seasonal evergreen envy 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
2081 Let's first explore family roots before we discuss your fear of wood chippers. 1.2500 0.06033 80 64 12 4
2082 I haven’t been the same since the Bush presidency! 1.2500 0.04879 116 92 19 5
2083 Have you considered ranch dressing? 1.2500 0.05130 96 75 18 3
2084 I think you may have a cruciferous complex. 1.2500 0.05764 80 63 14 3
2085 So you’re having fantasies of a three way with garlic and pasta? 1.2500 0.05923 96 79 10 7
2086 You say you believe you're being...stalked? 1.2500 0.05492 92 73 15 4
2087 So why do you want to be an Oscar Meyer weiner? 1.2500 0.05198 100 79 17 4
2088 I see your tension. You're collared green but they still call you broccoli. 1.2500 0.04794 100 77 21 2
2089 No, they really are out to get you. 1.2500 0.05492 92 73 15 4
2090 Are you oak A? 1.2500 0.05038 92 71 19 2
2091 Look who's calling who on a bad hair day. 1.2500 0.05248 104 83 16 5
2092 ''You just cannot forget that U.S. president ''! 1.2500 0.05130 96 75 18 3
2093 So, in that dream where you're being stalked, do you think it could be about you? 1.2500 0.04911 96 74 20 2
2094 I've uprooted the stem of the issue. You're simply green with envy of your partner. 1.2500 0.05116 108 86 17 5
2095 Having my hair doesn’t make you my dad. 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
2096 So when did your fears of deforestation begin? 1.2500 0.06033 80 64 12 4
2097 With that attitude nobody will like you 1.2500 0.05270 92 72 17 3
2098 Typically,you're not the type of head I shrink. 1.2500 0.05735 96 78 12 6
2099 Let's start when you were a sapling. You say you were water-stressed. How did that make you feel? 1.2500 0.04480 104 79 24 1
2100 You told me you were deciduous. 1.2500 0.05705 92 74 13 5
2101 No, you're not crazy or delusional, Mr. Broccoli. It's true. No one likes you. 1.2500 0.04994 112 89 18 5
2102 Tell me more about your fears of broccolini surpassing you. 1.2500 0.05067 104 82 18 4
2103 I don't know if your broccoli or a tree either. It really doesn't matter. The real issue is why am I treating plants? 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
2104 I know you feel uprooted, but how bad can city life be? 1.2500 0.05837 84 67 13 4
2105 Why is it you don't think you are lovelier than a poem? 1.2500 0.05175 88 68 18 2
2106 I'm glad to see you branching out. 1.2500 0.05837 84 67 13 4
2107 Of course it was hurtful when George H.W. Bush said he didn't like you. 1.2500 0.05283 108 87 15 6
2108 Okay, I've gotten rid of all the craftsman pieces. Are you comfortable now? 1.2500 0.05541 96 77 14 5
2109 Tell me when did you first become aware that you were afraid of being cooked. 1.2500 0.05339 96 76 16 4
2110 I prevent global warming. I don't know why that's not enough for them... 1.2500 0.05270 92 72 17 3
2111 But Frank you can never be a Christmas Tree you're Jewish... 1.2500 0.05492 92 73 15 4
2112 It's been 31 years since the President put me down, and I just never have been able to get up again. 1.2500 0.05248 104 83 16 5
2113 It’s hard to see the forest for a tree. 1.2500 0.05585 84 66 15 3
2114 So, you say, you feel raw inside? 1.2500 0.05067 104 82 18 4
2115 When they said you were in a vegetative state, I didn't realize that they were serious. 1.2482 0.04608 137 110 20 7
2116 So when did you become embittered? 1.2479 0.05018 121 98 16 7
2117 Go ahead, let it all hang out. 1.2478 0.04792 113 89 20 4
2118 If you're self-conscious about the smell, maybe you should just avoid hot showers 1.2477 0.04904 109 86 19 4
2119 kids can be so cruel. 1.2477 0.04544 109 84 23 2
2120 In order to get your phloem flowing again,you'll need to reconnect with your roots. 1.2477 0.04904 109 86 19 4
2121 So you don’t want to be put in a tree museum? 1.2477 0.04728 109 85 21 3
2122 You're not being stalked. You ARE a stalk. 1.2477 0.05074 109 87 17 5
2123 What's wrong, I'm green and I have an afro. 1.2477 0.04728 109 85 21 3
2124 So... How things been, since you've been Genetically Modified? 1.2477 0.04904 109 86 19 4
2125 I know I sound paranoid, but everyone hates me. 1.2476 0.05024 105 83 18 4
2126 We don't always want what is good for us. 1.2476 0.04838 105 82 20 3
2127 It seems you are suffering from a slight case of broccolini envy. 1.2476 0.04444 105 80 24 1
2128 So even though you are broccoli, you don’t like broccoli. 1.2476 0.05024 105 83 18 4
2129 But you are outstanding in your field... 1.2476 0.05203 105 84 16 5
2130 I'm sure it's not easy being green. 1.2475 0.05341 101 81 15 5
2131 So you find it awkward when people hug you? 1.2475 0.05700 101 83 11 7
2132 Firstly, you're not nuts. 1.2475 0.04956 101 79 19 3
2133 I sense you are easily getting steamed and perhaps a little cheesed off with your friends. You need to take stalk of your life, and find time to smell the florets… 1.2475 0.05152 101 80 17 4
2134 So, what’s in your head? 1.2475 0.05152 101 80 17 4
2135 You’re depressed because you learned you don’t cure cancer? 1.2475 0.04956 101 79 19 3
2136 Everyone used to hate me, and now they all hate Kale. It’s not fair, I’m just as disgusting 1.2475 0.05152 101 80 17 4
2137 I can see through your branches 1.2474 0.04867 97 75 20 2
2138 Too much growth is a new one for me, but I'll do my best. 1.2474 0.05290 97 77 16 4
2139 You claim you're fried, but to me you look steamed. 1.2474 0.05083 97 76 18 3
2140 I can’t figure out if I’m a growing tree or a large broccoli spear 1.2474 0.04867 97 75 20 2
2141 We regret to inform you that you are a vegetable. 1.2474 0.05083 97 76 18 3
2142 I understand your objection to steaming, but why are you anxious about stir-frying? 1.2474 0.05083 97 76 18 3
2143 So your telling me you're jealous of Carrot Top? 1.2474 0.05490 97 78 14 5
2144 Is it worse thinking that your head looks like a nuclear explosion or knowing that you'll be a vegetable for the rest of your life? 1.2473 0.05439 93 74 15 4
2145 So, how long has it been since you've been cross-pollinated? 1.2473 0.05650 93 75 13 5
2146 Trust me, you are a tree and not a broccoli. 1.2473 0.05650 93 75 13 5
2147 So, you sprouted in Brussels and now you don't know what to make of yourself! 1.2473 0.05220 93 73 17 3
2148 If you would, allow me to go out on a limb here... 1.2473 0.05439 93 74 15 4
2149 You do so much for others, but what do you do for you? 1.2473 0.04991 93 72 19 2
2150 Why not just wait until the fall? 1.2473 0.05220 93 73 17 3
2151 So you’re from Brooklyn? 1.2472 0.05600 89 71 14 4
2152 So let's see if we can get to the root of your problems. 1.2472 0.05367 89 70 16 3
2153 Let’s stop giving salad the power to detract from what you did for melted cheese. 1.2472 0.05367 89 70 16 3
2154 If it makes you feel any better, my kids hate ME too. 1.2472 0.05600 89 71 14 4
2155 When did you first feel this desire to be the subject of someone's craving? 1.2471 0.05775 85 68 13 4
2156 Today is about you, we’ll get back to cauliflower next session. 1.2471 0.06241 85 70 9 6
2157 So, let's pick back up with your fears around becoming a father when you can't seem to get kids to like you. 1.2471 0.04995 85 65 19 1
2158 It is natural to feel uprooted when you are ungrounded. 1.2471 0.06013 85 69 11 5
2159 Indeed, most trees do not see a therapist, but this doesn’t make you less of a tree 1.2471 0.05527 85 67 15 3
2160 Of course we can move to the country if that's what it takes to make you happy. 1.2471 0.05775 85 68 13 4
2161 Honey, I'm really quite concerned; your bark is much worse than your blight. 1.2471 0.06241 85 70 9 6
2162 Do you really talk to each other? 1.2471 0.05268 85 66 17 2
2163 Turns out I am what I eat. 1.2471 0.06241 85 70 9 6
2164 This boy who keeps taking your apples and branches... Have you considered the possibility that you're enabling him? 1.2471 0.06013 85 69 11 5
2165 You can’t blame people…you’re very fibrous. 1.2469 0.05131 81 62 18 1
2166 It happens a lot in December. Tinsel envy. 1.2469 0.05424 81 63 16 2
2167 I know you would like to pass for human, but the whole no arms, no clothes, all green vibe is just not going to fly 1.2469 0.05701 81 64 14 3
2168 It is not paranoia; you are hard to digest. 1.2469 0.05966 81 65 12 4
2169 Why do you think your mother was steamed? 1.2469 0.05701 81 64 14 3
2170 Why do you feel your poems are not inspiring? 1.2469 0.05966 81 65 12 4
2171 If you weren't a tree, what sort of tree wouldn't you be? 1.2469 0.05966 81 65 12 4
2172 I think you really need to give Kale a chance. She’s good for you too. 1.2469 0.06219 81 66 10 5
2173 It sounds like you can't see the forest for the trees 1.2468 0.05280 77 59 17 1
2174 I’m sorry, but a loveseat broccoli won’t unseat a couch potato. 1.2468 0.05280 77 59 17 1
2175 I'm going to go ahead and decrease your prescription. 1.2468 0.06175 77 62 11 4
2176 As you requested I’m not keeping a log. 1.2468 0.05891 77 61 13 3
2177 look dude, it is only a brocoli salad, nothing to get bummed out about. 1.2464 0.05986 69 54 13 2
2178 It’s often useful to start with your sapling years. 1.2455 0.05033 110 88 17 5
2179 Not everyone hates you, Broc. 1.2455 0.04865 110 87 19 4
2180 Songbirds and squirrels and kids, oh my! 1.2455 0.04690 110 86 21 3
2181 Yeah, when I was a kid, my parents threated me with cheese sauce too. 1.2453 0.04798 106 83 20 3
2182 I think your situation has you stumped. 1.2453 0.05159 106 85 16 5
2183 With a head like that on your shoulders, you'll be a standout in any salad. 1.2453 0.05159 106 85 16 5
2184 You have a truncated diagnosis. 1.2451 0.04914 102 80 19 3
2185 You should not feel guilty, you are only one tree, there is only so much carbon you can pull out of the air. 1.2451 0.05294 102 82 15 5
2186 And you say he wanted to kiss you between the limbs??? 1.2451 0.04914 102 80 19 3
2187 Well, it's not easy being green 1.2451 0.05107 102 81 17 4
2188 Say cheese, let it out! 1.2451 0.05474 102 83 13 6
2189 Uhhh... Have you listened to the song 'It's Not Easy Being Green?' 1.2451 0.04914 102 80 19 3
2190 Is Jen still telling the kids to eat you? 1.2451 0.05107 102 81 17 4
2191 So, if you find your ancestral roots, you'll research your family tree? 1.2451 0.05107 102 81 17 4
2192 I always get blamed for throwing shade. 1.2449 0.05037 98 77 18 3
2193 We could have just FaceTimed. 1.2449 0.05242 98 78 16 4
2194 So you're saying that you did fall far from the tree. 1.2449 0.05037 98 77 18 3
2195 I told you my thing with Kale is over. 1.2449 0.04824 98 76 20 2
2196 Deciduous or not, I think you'd be a great Christmas tree. 1.2449 0.05242 98 78 16 4
2197 I just can’t seem to shake off this overwhelming feeling of doom 1.2449 0.05242 98 78 16 4
2198 Don’t give it oxygen. 1.2449 0.05242 98 78 16 4
2199 I know, you think everyone looks at you and wonders ‘how many square feet, how many BTU’s?’ Not one appreciates your innate charm and your keen sense of humor. 1.2449 0.05242 98 78 16 4
2200 I’m sure your children will appreciate you more as they get older.” 1.2449 0.04824 98 76 20 2
2201 President Bush was not talking about you specifically. 1.2447 0.04944 94 73 19 2
2202 So, Yes. What I'm saying IS that your problems go back to your roots. 1.2447 0.05171 94 74 17 3
2203 That hairstyle is cultural appropriation,Gumby 1.2447 0.05596 94 76 13 5
2204 Come to think of it, I don’t like you either. 1.2447 0.05171 94 74 17 3
2205 Bradford Pear—that’s a nice name. 1.2447 0.05596 94 76 13 5
2206 It's time you turned over a new leaf" By Tom Sievers 1.2447 0.05171 94 74 17 3
2207 Humans have bad hair days too! Just hang on till autumn. 1.2447 0.04944 94 73 19 2
2208 I can’t take it any longer. The environmentalists expect too much from me. 1.2444 0.05544 90 72 14 4
2209 Sorry, no food on the couch. 1.2444 0.05314 90 71 16 3
2210 Why so Melancolli? 1.2444 0.05074 90 70 18 2
2211 I don't think this relationship will work. You want too much time outside. 1.2444 0.05314 90 71 16 3
2212 I’m sorry for staring. I was expecting a fern. 1.2444 0.05314 90 71 16 3
2213 You say it hurts your feelings when they leave you behind? 1.2444 0.04822 90 69 20 1
2214 When did you first notice you were combing leaves?" 1.2444 0.05314 90 71 16 3
2215 So,what I hear you saying is that you continue to have trouble seeing the forest through the trees? 1.2444 0.05074 90 70 18 2
2216 So you're feeling alienated? Tell me more. 1.2444 0.05765 90 73 12 5
2217 Why are you so bitter? 1.2444 0.04822 90 69 20 1
2218 The world isn't out to steam you. 1.2444 0.05978 90 74 10 6
2219 It must be hard to live in the shadow of your thousand-year-old father 1.2444 0.04555 90 68 22 0
2220 How do you think you developed this strange perception that people don’t like you? 1.2442 0.05470 86 68 15 3
2221 -Finally, I feel completely eradicated… 1.2442 0.05214 86 67 17 2
2222 Let me get my dog. He eats this stuff up. 1.2442 0.06175 86 71 9 6
2223 Giving Tree, let’s practice saying no 1.2442 0.05470 86 68 15 3
2224 Tell me why you're so steamed. 1.2442 0.05470 86 68 15 3
2225 And where does this melancolli stem from? 1.2439 0.06150 82 67 10 5
2226 Just because you're a cruciferous vegetable, you don't have to be martyr. 1.2439 0.05077 82 63 18 1
2227 Then the ash borer did WHAT?! 1.2439 0.05639 82 65 14 3
2228 I don't know that it's quite ethical to say this, but--you're not paranoid. Everyone DOES hate you. 1.2439 0.05366 82 64 16 2
2229 Every time someone reaches for cauliflower on the shelf, I want you to do that breathing exercise I showed you. 1.2439 0.05366 82 64 16 2
2230 Why do you need everyone to like you? 1.2439 0.06150 82 67 10 5
2231 You give, you give and you give, but no one appreciates you. 1.2439 0.05366 82 64 16 2
2232 She only sees the forest. 1.2439 0.05077 82 63 18 1
2233 Wow, and he ate the salad right in front of you? 1.2439 0.05366 82 64 16 2
2234 Let's talk more about why you're feeling uprooted... 1.2437 0.05059 119 97 15 7
2235 How is your relationship with food going? 1.2437 0.04617 119 94 21 4
2236 Do you know cauliflower? I heard you guys were cousins. 1.2436 0.04892 78 59 19 0
2237 Perhaps this session, we will get to the root of the problem. 1.2436 0.05824 78 62 13 3
2238 so, when this "homeless gay man" pissed on you, it gave you... pleasure? 1.2435 0.04718 115 91 20 4
2239 I'm sorry, "head shrink" is not a literal description of what I do. 1.2432 0.05310 111 91 13 7
2240 Wow, psychoanalysis really is becoming poplar. 1.2432 0.04992 111 89 17 5
2241 Real nice talking to you but, sorry, we've got to get you washed for dinner. 1.2432 0.05378 74 57 16 1
2242 This isn't your season, you've got it let go. 1.2432 0.05378 74 57 16 1
2243 When you were smaller, I thought you were a stalk of celery. 1.2432 0.04826 111 88 19 4
2244 When did you first learn that you are renewable? 1.2432 0.06027 74 59 12 3
2245 I also know what it’s like to feel cut off from my roots. 1.2430 0.04940 107 85 18 4
2246 Dining table rejections can be tough, but don’t let it get to your Head 1.2430 0.04759 107 84 20 3
2247 So is it the celery or the bean you dream is stalking you? 1.2430 0.05116 107 86 16 5
2248 Sometimes leaving isn’t even a choice 1.2427 0.05426 103 84 13 6
2249 How long have you been carrying that burden on your head? 1.2427 0.05063 103 82 17 4
2250 I have been in your office for over 30 years and you still do not have the correct size couch. 1.2424 0.05195 99 79 16 4
2251 Trust me, no one wants your stem cells. 1.2421 0.05542 95 77 13 5
2252 It's okay to be sappy, this is a safe space.. 1.2421 0.05337 95 76 15 4
2253 Don't let others dictate what you are. If you want to be a good sized tree, be that. If you want to be a very large broccoli, be that. 1.2421 0.05337 95 76 15 4
2254 It ain’t easy being green. 1.2421 0.05122 95 75 17 3
2255 True, Kale is more popular right now, but look at it this way, you’re better in a stir fry! 1.2421 0.04665 95 73 21 1
2256 It sounds like you're asking why all of a sudden it's a '"problem" throwing shade? 1.2421 0.04899 95 74 19 2
2257 I feel as if all the little children hate me. 1.2421 0.05337 95 76 15 4
2258 You really are not being paranoid; you're being forced to extinction! 1.2421 0.04665 95 73 21 1
2259 Okay. I won't use the expression "Make like a tree and leave" anymore. 1.2421 0.05741 95 78 11 6
2260 Have you considered a new hairdresser? 1.2421 0.05542 95 77 13 5
2261 I know what you mean. When I was a kid, I was always the last one picked to play ball. 1.2418 0.04513 91 69 22 0
2262 I understand your bitterness…have you considered slathering yourself in a melted cheese sauce? 1.2418 0.05490 91 73 14 4
2263 There’s no such thing as a Jolly Green Giant. The “Ho Ho Ho” you keep hearing must be Santa Claus. 1.2418 0.05490 91 73 14 4
2264 I can tell right away that you're not eating right 1.2418 0.05263 91 72 16 3
2265 I'm sorry, but it's time for you to leaf. 1.2418 0.05263 91 72 16 3
2266 I'm here for a new hairpiece too. 1.2418 0.05263 91 72 16 3
2267 Have faith in yourself! If you fall in the forest, you WILL be heard. 1.2418 0.05490 91 73 14 4
2268 When did you first notice that you were so bitter? 1.2418 0.05025 91 71 18 2
2269 As you grow older, it’s natural to lose some friends. 1.2418 0.05263 91 72 16 3
2270 Frankly, your problem is you can't see the forest for the trees! 1.2418 0.05025 91 71 18 2
2271 You seem to be having trouble branching out. 1.2418 0.05708 91 74 12 5
2272 At some point you need to accept who you are without letting it go to your head. 1.2417 0.04583 120 95 21 4
2273 So let’s dive back into how the chronic rejection has impacted your self-worth. 1.2417 0.03924 120 91 29 0
2274 And when did you start dreaming that you were a tree? 1.2417 0.04583 120 95 21 4
2275 Sometimes you just have to accept that life is roughage. 1.2417 0.04879 120 97 17 6
2276 And it's the color change in autumn that bothers you? 1.2414 0.05414 87 69 15 3
2277 I suppose the tipping point was this cauliflower pizza thing.” 1.2414 0.05414 87 69 15 3
2278 I also had trouble adjusting to life in the city. 1.2414 0.05161 87 68 17 2
2279 I understand your fears. Green lives do matter. 1.2414 0.05161 87 68 17 2
2280 Doctor, am I a tree or a vegetable? 1.2414 0.05887 87 71 11 5
2281 Being an atheist doesn’t invalidate your existence. 1.2414 0.06325 87 73 7 7
2282 You feel unlovable. Have you considered covering yourself in cheese? 1.2410 0.06083 83 68 10 5
2283 Seriously…You have the best Afro ever and it bothers you?! 1.2410 0.06083 83 68 10 5
2284 Don’t be ridiculous. You’re green and organic. People are still going to want to devour you. 1.2410 0.06083 83 68 10 5
2285 You must realize you’ll be bald by November. 1.2410 0.05579 83 66 14 3
2286 You are so much more than a way to get the dip to my mouth. 1.2410 0.05836 83 67 12 4
2287 I'm not making fun of you! My favorite book really is 'The Crucible'! 1.2410 0.05579 83 66 14 3
2288 You shouldn't feel you'll be the next victim just because of the attacks on Mr. Potato Head. 1.2410 0.05836 83 67 12 4
2289 Why do you think the other kids hate you? 1.2407 0.05403 108 89 12 7
2290 I know it’s not easy being green, but fall will be here before you know it. 1.2405 0.06033 79 64 11 4
2291 When you first came to me, you said you felt like a potted plant. I think we're making progress! 1.2405 0.06033 79 64 11 4
2292 You can crash here but you have to lay off the cheese sauce. 1.2405 0.05758 79 63 13 3
2293 What exactly makes you feel like a vegetable? 1.2405 0.06033 79 64 11 4
2294 Honestly, rootlessness is in our collective psyche. 1.2405 0.05758 79 63 13 3
2295 Your sister, Cauli, says you're green with envy. 1.2405 0.05164 79 61 17 1
2296 Maybe she meant to call you Crucifer, not Lucifer. 1.2405 0.05758 79 63 13 3
2297 I'm just tired of the peeing. 1.2405 0.05758 79 63 13 3
2298 Sure she can't stand you, but you know she needs you, right? 1.2405 0.05469 79 62 15 2
2299 So you first became depressed when you fell in the forest and no one heard you? 1.2405 0.05758 79 63 13 3
2300 And when did you first start stalk-ing? 1.2404 0.05379 104 85 13 6
2301 Wanting a crown isn't all that unusual. But, it will make you shorter. 1.2404 0.05020 104 83 17 4
2302 I see, you tried to branch out but now you're feeling uprooted... 1.2404 0.05020 104 83 17 4
2303 It's early December. Of course you'll soon be bald. 1.2404 0.04427 104 80 23 1
2304 Well, it's true, some people don't like you and frankly, I don't like you either. 1.2404 0.05020 104 83 17 4
2305 I don't think our relationship will ever take root. 1.2404 0.04830 104 82 19 3
2306 It may sound over-simplified, but you just need to turn over a new leaf. 1.2404 0.04633 104 81 21 2
2307 So tell me more about your experiences with the Bond movies, Albert. How did they make you feet? 1.2400 0.05341 100 81 14 5
2308 Relax. Once your chlorophyll breaks down, you'll show your fall colors. 1.2400 0.04948 100 79 18 3
2309 Just because President Bush doesn’t like you doesn’t mean no one likes you. 1.2396 0.04854 96 75 19 2
2310 How long have you had these deep-rooted resentments against dogs? 1.2396 0.05075 96 76 17 3
2311 If your kid keeps avoiding you at dinner, use the carrot more than the stick. 1.2396 0.04854 96 75 19 2
2312 I’m having an identity crisis — am I a stalk or florets? 1.2396 0.05075 96 76 17 3
2313 Now, close your eyes, and imagine you're a tree. 1.2396 0.05075 96 76 17 3
2314 If someone says " if you were a tree what kind of tree would you be?" you don't have to answer immediately. 1.2396 0.05287 96 77 15 4
2315 Have you considered getting some sun? 1.2396 0.05075 96 76 17 3
2316 I wasn't paying close attention when we studied that branch of psychology 1.2396 0.05075 96 76 17 3
2317 It's not your fault your third grade teacher said you looked like broccoli and not a tree. It's the way you were drawn. 1.2396 0.05876 96 80 9 7
2318 I can appreciate why adopting a gender inclusive pronoun is challenging. 1.2396 0.05287 96 77 15 4
2319 Mustard, Arugula, Radish, Kale — you do indeed have a complicated family. 1.2396 0.04623 96 74 21 1
2320 I know, cauliflower is having a moment, but this too shall pass... 1.2393 0.04317 117 91 24 2
2321 First, let's address the branding problem — are you a tree or a giant sprig of broccoli? 1.2393 0.04953 117 95 16 6
2322 I know you're tired of holding up your flowerettes, but that's who you are! 1.2393 0.04802 117 94 18 5
2323 Do YOU think your relationship with Cheddar cheese is healthy. 1.2391 0.05436 92 74 14 4
2324 I’m around and I hear you 1.2391 0.04977 92 72 18 2
2325 So you feel like you've been getting roasted at work lately... 1.2391 0.04731 92 71 20 1
2326 Of course everyone hates you. 1.2391 0.05651 92 75 12 5
2327 Is that the calcium talking? 1.2391 0.04977 92 72 18 2
2328 So in this dream, you're steamed and served with potatoes and prime rib. How enticing...I mean interesting. 1.2391 0.05212 92 73 16 3
2329 Take it from me,go easy on the Afro Sheen. 1.2391 0.05436 92 74 14 4
2330 What you're feeling is quite natural. Many transplants to the city worry that they will forget their roots. 1.2391 0.04977 92 72 18 2
2331 You shouldn't take it so personally. Just get one of those apps that saves passwords, and you'll never, ever be asked to log in again. 1.2391 0.05436 92 74 14 4
2332 You always bring up these feelings when it's time to leave. 1.2391 0.05212 92 73 16 3
2333 When I said, you must continue to grow in your life, I'd hoped you'd put down more roots. 1.2391 0.05212 92 73 16 3
2334 Yes, the kids did hate you when they were young but people change. You’ve got to move on” 1.2391 0.05436 92 74 14 4
2335 My wife keeps telling me I'm a few florets short of a full head 1.2391 0.04977 92 72 18 2
2336 Let’s begin by going back to your roots. 1.2389 0.04749 113 90 19 4
2337 Mister Broccoli, you may have to just accept the fact that not everyone is going to like you. 1.2389 0.04913 113 91 17 5
2338 ‘Do you want to talk about your relationship with dogs?’ 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
2339 It's OK if your colleagues view you as a little green. 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
2340 It must be hard to take the pressure of being the healthiest. 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
2341 You really must return to the forest to help global warming! 1.2386 0.05110 88 69 17 2
2342 Of course people hear you when you fall! 1.2386 0.05359 88 70 15 3
2343 Do not let people’s absence hush your noise. 1.2386 0.05598 88 71 13 4
2344 It’s not your imagination, nobody likes you 1.2386 0.05826 88 72 11 5
2345 Have you thought about putting down roots? 1.2385 0.04681 109 86 20 3
2346 Why do you think so many kids hate you? 1.2385 0.04859 109 87 18 4
2347 It's not you. Not everyone likes giant broccoli." 1.2385 0.04859 109 87 18 4
2348 I know you have been feeling uprooted lately. 1.2381 0.04594 105 82 21 2
2349 Causing malodorous expulsions is my biggest regret, doc. 1.2381 0.04789 105 83 19 3
2350 Do you think your persistent body order might be impacting your ability to make new friends? 1.2381 0.05773 84 68 12 4
2351 I feel like there is always a cloud over me. 1.2381 0.04594 105 82 21 2
2352 You say people hate you...does that make you bitter? 1.2381 0.05253 84 66 16 2
2353 So, you call it a tree-fro. So what's the problem? 1.2381 0.05332 105 86 13 6
2354 Before we start, how would you like to pay for this session? 1.2381 0.05253 84 66 16 2
2355 Of course I love you, dear, I am vegan. 1.2381 0.06250 84 70 8 6
2356 It’s not all in your head; everybody does hate you. 1.2381 0.05519 84 67 14 3
2357 Sure, you're good for everyone -- but let's talk about what's good for YOU? 1.2381 0.05253 84 66 16 2
2358 What makes you stalk? 1.2381 0.04789 105 83 19 3
2359 It’s ok. We all feel uprooted and shady sometimes. 1.2381 0.05519 84 67 14 3
2360 What's it going to be? You're a mighty oak or a stalk of broccoli ? 1.2381 0.04675 84 64 20 0
2361 And, besides having roots, what makes you think you're Angela Davis? 1.2381 0.05519 84 67 14 3
2362 What Is That Smell? 1.2381 0.05253 84 66 16 2
2363 They may as well call me a crusufferous vegetable. 1.2381 0.04789 105 83 19 3
2364 "Sure, green lives matter. 1.2381 0.05519 84 67 14 3
2365 Why don't you try the vegetarian restaurant next-door? I bet they love you there! 1.2381 0.04972 84 65 18 1
2366 So tell me, when did you start to branch out? 1.2377 0.04664 122 98 19 5
2367 I'm going out on a limb here ... When were you last pruned? 1.2376 0.04905 101 80 18 3
2368 I'd recommend covering yourself in cheese. 1.2375 0.05409 80 63 15 2
2369 Now, Mr. Druckmiller, let’s begin work on your outer yew. 1.2375 0.05409 80 63 15 2
2370 Then the cauliflour said, "All you broccoli look the same." 1.2375 0.05409 80 63 15 2
2371 Now, let's explore your roots. 1.2375 0.05108 80 62 17 1
2372 So, all your leaves were brown, and the sky was gray? 1.2375 0.05694 80 64 13 3
2373 Yes, I do find it annoying when people say, 'I don't care if you're black, brown, or green...', but let's get back to you. 1.2375 0.05108 80 62 17 1
2374 So, when did you decide to become a hedge fund manager? 1.2375 0.05694 80 64 13 3
2375 It only FEELS like no one heard you falling. 1.2375 0.04788 80 61 19 0
2376 So, broccoli’s your approach to the holidays this year. 1.2375 0.05108 80 62 17 1
2377 Let's focus on your family roots. 1.2371 0.05029 97 77 17 3
2378 Yes, well unfortunately, in addition to everyone else, I hate you too. 1.2371 0.04810 97 76 19 2
2379 I think your social anxiety will be helped if you add a little hollandaise sauce. 1.2371 0.05238 97 78 15 4
2380 Stop blaming yourself; it isn’t your fault that all of your offspring turned out to be nuts. 1.2371 0.04810 97 76 19 2
2381 In your nightmare, were you steamed or roasted? 1.2371 0.04810 97 76 19 2
2382 Ya, I get all kinds in here---couch potatoes, cauliflower ears, and even my share of little sprouts. But you're the first bedded broccoli I seen, so don't turn all wilted on me. 1.2371 0.04810 97 76 19 2
2383 And how does it make you feel when you hear people say they don't like you? 1.2371 0.04810 97 76 19 2
2384 So which is worse for you now? The thought of being broiled, boiled or sautéed? 1.2371 0.04341 97 74 23 0
2385 I didn't get a rose on the double date last week. The kid gave it to the carrot. I wore butter and everything! 1.2371 0.05238 97 78 15 4
2386 Stan, you need to find a purpose to your life. You're turning into a vegetable." 1.2371 0.04810 97 76 19 2
2387 You'll never truly blossom if you persist in blaming all of your problems on your seeds. 1.2371 0.05633 97 80 11 6
2388 But why won't you talk about your roots? 1.2371 0.05029 97 77 17 3
2389 It's not just in your head. Everyone does indeed hate you. Now, pay me and get the f- off my couch! 1.2368 0.06175 76 62 10 4
2390 so apart from the hair thing... 1.2368 0.05254 76 59 16 1
2391 I know a bad hair day when I see one 1.2368 0.05183 114 94 13 7
2392 Just relax and tell me how it felt to be called wooden. 1.2368 0.05578 76 60 14 2
2393 How did you feel when Jimmy put you on his sisters plate when no one was looking? 1.2368 0.05884 76 61 12 3
2394 It's hard trying to be good for everyone all the time?. 1.2368 0.04712 114 91 19 4
2395 So, how did you react when your father revealed you’re not a naturally occurring plant? 1.2368 0.05884 76 61 12 3
2396 What's the overstory? 1.2368 0.05884 76 61 12 3
2397 I think the problem here is that you assume people don't like you just because you're a head of broccoli. 1.2368 0.05578 76 60 14 2
2398 So tell me more about your stalker. 1.2368 0.05884 76 61 12 3
2399 I’m not the one throwing shade. 1.2366 0.05162 93 74 16 3
2400 I recommend you connect with your roots. 1.2366 0.04687 93 72 20 1
2401 Really it’s not your fault that the saplings don’t want to leave home. 1.2366 0.05596 93 76 12 5
2402 You just have to accept it - as bad as it is - that's the way you are supposed to smell. 1.2366 0.04687 93 72 20 1
2403 I just think you would find more stability if you put some roots down somewhere 1.2366 0.05162 93 74 16 3
2404 Maybe she’s just a picky eater. 1.2364 0.04990 110 89 16 5
2405 Of course it's your decision but I'd go with money. Anybody can grow apples. 1.2361 0.05764 72 57 13 2
2406 This whole time I've been pronouncing your name "Ra-Be". 1.2361 0.05764 72 57 13 2
2407 There's a very simple reason your children don't like you. 1.2361 0.06094 72 58 11 3
2408 It’s time to take stalk. 1.2360 0.05059 89 70 17 2
2409 I’m more than just a vegetable… 1.2360 0.04526 89 68 21 0
2410 So you have cauliflower issues. Tell me about that. 1.2360 0.05541 89 72 13 4
2411 Why is your burqa disguised as a tree? 1.2360 0.05984 89 74 9 6
2412 It's not paranoia, you're bound to be stalked. 1.2360 0.05767 89 73 11 5
2413 You’re telling me, cauliflower rice was the star of the dinner? 1.2360 0.04526 89 68 21 0
2414 Let's not waste time arguing about who is throwing shade at whom. 1.2360 0.05059 89 70 17 2
2415 Doctor, I can't see forest for tree... 1.2360 0.05305 89 71 15 3
2416 I knew Joyce Kilmer. Joyce Kilmer was a friend of mine. Trust me, you're no Joyce Kilmer. 1.2360 0.05305 89 71 15 3
2417 Trees HAVE taken thousands of years more than humans to live indoors, but how does that mean you're inferior? 1.2360 0.05059 89 70 17 2
2418 There is nothing to be ashamed about. Your leaves look real. 1.2360 0.05305 89 71 15 3
2419 We need to get past this climate problem for you to reach your full potential 1.2360 0.04526 89 68 21 0
2420 The answer, my friend, is blowing in the wind. 1.2358 0.04935 106 85 17 4
2421 You just need to put down some roots 1.2353 0.05198 85 67 16 2
2422 So what I hear you saying is you feel detached. 1.2353 0.05246 102 83 14 5
2423 In my prime, the restaurant menus all offered “broccoli, broccoli, broccoli;” these days, alas, it’s all about the “broccolini” and “broccoli-rabe!” 1.2353 0.06664 68 56 8 4
2424 So then… after that they ate my mother. 1.2353 0.05198 85 67 16 2
2425 Tell me about your relationship with your roots. 1.2353 0.05952 85 70 10 5
2426 So you fell in the forest and no one heard? How did that make you feel? 1.2353 0.05461 85 68 14 3
2427 Issues aren’t uncommon when you have had to pull yourself up from the dirt 1.2353 0.05952 85 70 10 5
2428 Would you like a pillow? 1.2353 0.04445 102 79 22 1
2429 Your inferiority complex begins and ends with being deciduous. 1.2353 0.05970 68 54 12 2
2430 don't let it go to your head. think green thoughts in a green shade instead. 1.2353 0.04862 102 81 18 3
2431 At what age did you become so anti-oxidant? 1.2353 0.05198 85 67 16 2
2432 Frankly, I’m stumped. 1.2353 0.04922 85 66 18 1
2433 In the Cruciferous Family? Well, we all have our crosses to bear 1.2353 0.05198 85 67 16 2
2434 I feel so uprooted. 1.2353 0.04922 85 66 18 1
2435 How did it make you feel when she said she finds you hard to digest? 1.2353 0.05970 68 54 12 2
2436 Don’t worry, I’m not a vegetarian 1.2353 0.04862 102 81 18 3
2437 So you're not related to the James Bond people? 1.2353 0.05970 68 54 12 2
2438 So, you're saying your worst fear is not being heard when you fell in the forest?" 1.2353 0.05461 85 68 14 3
2439 Is that Chia or the real thing? 1.2353 0.05461 85 68 14 3
2440 And when you fell in the forest and no one acknowledged it, how did that make you feel? 1.2353 0.06327 68 55 10 3
2441 So have you always felt like this about birds? 1.2353 0.05461 85 68 14 3
2442 On the plus side, yours will grow back 1.2353 0.04862 102 81 18 3
2443 Doc, of course I remember my roots, but it’s never enough for those old growth trees. 1.2353 0.04577 119 95 20 4
2444 You say your hands are tied. Let's reframe those negative thoughts. 1.2353 0.05198 85 67 16 2
2445 So, tell me how you feel about deforestation. 1.2353 0.04658 102 80 20 2
2446 Unfortunately, I agree. I think most people just don't like you. 1.2353 0.05058 102 82 16 4
2447 So you think being an early bloomer was a bad thing? 1.2347 0.04767 98 77 19 2
2448 When you called and asked for the consultation, I thought you said you were the Barkeley guy I went to college with. 1.2346 0.05349 81 64 15 2
2449 Sounds like she got pretty steamed. 1.2346 0.05053 81 63 17 1
2450 I don't like broccoli either! 1.2346 0.05349 81 64 15 2
2451 My family tree?" 1.2346 0.05349 81 64 15 2
2452 I hope you're not doused in butter because that's a new sofa. 1.2344 0.06585 64 52 9 3
2453 Yes, I realize what your name is. But you don't really have any say in who the next James Bond should be. 1.2342 0.04607 111 88 20 3
2454 Sometimes you give and give and give and there’s nothing left over. 1.2340 0.05332 94 76 14 4
2455 I'm in denial apparently. They keep telling me I belong to the Cabbage family. 1.2340 0.04390 94 72 22 0
2456 I wouldn't worry about it. Broccolini is just a passing fancy. 1.2340 0.04884 94 74 18 2
2457 Glad to see you took my suggestion to branch out seriously. 1.2340 0.05332 94 76 14 4
2458 I can see how the children’s hatred is upsetting. But let’s focus on the positive, like not getting eaten. 1.2340 0.04884 94 74 18 2
2459 What do you think is the root of your problem....or the problem of your roots? 1.2340 0.05332 94 76 14 4
2460 There’s no need to feel bitter, I’ll prescribe Parmesan. 1.2340 0.05745 94 78 10 6
2461 Just remember-it's not easy being green. Denise Bencivengo Bordentown, NJ 1.2340 0.05113 94 75 16 3
2462 Life can be a little roughage sometime. 1.2340 0.04884 94 74 18 2
2463 Oh darn, I mixed up my Xanax with my Psilocybin again. 1.2338 0.06376 77 64 8 5
2464 Dr. I am thinking of a fade cut on the sides and a gold chain ...want to upgrade my street cred 1.2338 0.06102 77 63 10 4
2465 I recommend just letting off some steam and cooling down a bit. 1.2338 0.05514 77 61 14 2
2466 Being pushed aside and rejected has nothing to do with you. It's not you, it's the kid. 1.2338 0.05816 77 62 12 3
2467 I think it would be good to return to your roots. 1.2338 0.06102 77 63 10 4
2468 To start with,my mother was a nut… 1.2338 0.05514 77 61 14 2
2469 But your healthy and that's what's important. 1.2336 0.04893 107 86 17 4
2470 I'm afraid I can't be impartial. I hate broccoli. 1.2333 0.05485 90 73 13 4
2471 I would like to discuss your feelings but your head keeps getting in the way. 1.2333 0.05708 90 74 11 5
2472 It's time to move on. Being liked by George Bush isn't everything. 1.2333 0.05253 90 72 15 3
2473 So, Broccoli, what’s your beef? 1.2333 0.05009 90 71 17 2
2474 So, they tease you by Cal-en you ah- flower. What do you feel when this happens? 1.2333 0.05253 90 72 15 3
2475 You're just a late bloomer! 1.2333 0.04754 90 70 19 1
2476 It’s time we got down to the root of the problem 1.2333 0.05485 90 73 13 4
2477 It's only a limbotomy. They'll grow back over time. 1.2333 0.04754 90 70 19 1
2478 Truly incredible! I've never seen someone branch out like this! 1.2333 0.05009 90 71 17 2
2479 Have you experienced this acute anxiety in any dip-free or non-fondue settings? 1.2333 0.05009 90 71 17 2
2480 You're feeling...blue. Interesting. Tell me more... 1.2333 0.05009 90 71 17 2
2481 You OUTRAN the California WILDFIRES ?! 1.2333 0.05253 90 72 15 3
2482 I shouldn't be this big. 1.2333 0.05009 90 71 17 2
2483 My impression is that you are missing the forest. 1.2333 0.05009 90 71 17 2
2484 At least you’re not Nuts. 1.2330 0.04820 103 82 18 3
2485 There is no reason to get steamed; it’s all in your head! 1.2330 0.05014 103 83 16 4
2486 Now you're in hot water. 1.2330 0.04820 103 82 18 3
2487 I'm not supposed to tell you this, but broccoli feels the same way 1.2330 0.04820 103 82 18 3
2488 Why did you decide to go vegan? 1.2329 0.06019 73 59 11 3
2489 I'm stumped. You simply can't get to the root of your problem. 1.2329 0.05694 73 58 13 2
2490 My parents laughed when I told them what would happen if they made me eat any more broccoli. 1.2329 0.06327 73 60 9 4
2491 I think you should consider breaking up with salt and start dating cheese. You guys are really good together. 1.2329 0.05349 73 57 15 1
2492 gotta get your groove back 1.2329 0.06621 73 61 7 5
2493 Is that when you started to stalk? 1.2326 0.04582 86 66 20 0
2494 Tell me more about why you feel like a party platter pooper 1.2326 0.05404 86 69 14 3
2495 It all started when I logged in 1.2326 0.04606 129 105 18 6
2496 You need "forest therapy" 1.2326 0.05652 86 70 12 4
2497 It’s perfectly OK to feel sappy every so often. 1.2326 0.05652 86 70 12 4
2498 We must deal with the fact that you think you are connected to other similar persons by a raft of subterranean fungi. 1.2326 0.04872 86 67 18 1
2499 That's nothing to stress over...the 'fro is coming back. 1.2326 0.05652 86 70 12 4
2500 So. I had Brussels sprouts here last week. How do you think he feels? 1.2326 0.05404 86 69 14 3
2501 So tell me about your mother, Nature? 1.2326 0.05404 86 69 14 3
2502 Legally, I cant prescribe pesticides, but... 1.2326 0.05145 86 68 16 2
2503 How long have you been sleeping in the refrigerator? 1.2326 0.05889 86 71 10 5
2504 Why are you steamed? 1.2326 0.05404 86 69 14 3
2505 Sometimes a pollinator is just a pollinator. 1.2326 0.05145 86 68 16 2
2506 You’re telling me you want to use the celery bathroom now? 1.2326 0.05404 86 69 14 3
2507 I understand you are frustrated that we only celebrate Arbor Day and not Arbor Month. 1.2326 0.05404 86 69 14 3
2508 So, before we start can I call you Brock? 1.2323 0.04938 99 79 17 3
2509 Let me get this straight: You have a recurring nightmare you're not a tree but a piece of broccoli on someone's plate. 1.2323 0.04725 99 78 19 2
2510 And how does the increasing popularity of cauliflower make you feel? 1.2323 0.04501 99 77 21 1
2511 I made a choice between flora and fauna and now I am not sure 1.2323 0.04938 99 79 17 3
2512 Why do you think you have trouble putting down roots? 1.2323 0.04725 99 78 19 2
2513 Good news is you will survive this illness. Bad news is that you'll be a vegetable. 1.2319 0.06576 69 57 8 4
2514 I’ve certainly dealt with quite a few nuts in my line of work, but I have to admit that you’re my first vegetable. 1.2319 0.05519 69 54 14 1
2515 I was doing fine until all the other trees started calling me “Shady.” 1.2319 0.06243 69 56 10 3
2516 Rob,why do you spell it Rabe. 1.2319 0.05118 69 53 16 0
2517 On the inside, I'm a carrot 1.2317 0.04999 82 64 17 1
2518 Do you miss Air Force 1? 1.2317 0.04999 82 64 17 1
2519 Have you considered branching out a bit more? 1.2317 0.05569 82 66 13 3
2520 Look, becoming something different’s nothing to be ashamed of! 1.2317 0.04999 82 64 17 1
2521 Now, let’s address the root of your stalk-holm syndrome… 1.2317 0.05291 82 65 15 2
2522 It will only be a temporary loss, they’ll grow back in the spring. 1.2317 0.05569 82 66 13 3
2523 If we're going to make any process in here, I'm going to need you to dig deep and go back to your roots. 1.2317 0.05833 82 67 11 4
2524 What makes you think all your friends are stalking you? 1.2317 0.05569 82 66 13 3
2525 There's no shame in identifying as a radish. 1.2317 0.06086 82 68 9 5
2526 Think of it this way. You can put down roots anywhere. 1.2317 0.05291 82 65 15 2
2527 Kids make faces and call me names. 1.2317 0.05291 82 65 15 2
2528 So you'd say your feeling rootless. 1.2316 0.05281 95 77 14 4
2529 Well normally I'd say that it's not possible that everyone hates you 1.2316 0.04838 95 75 18 2
2530 Just because you became a vegetarian doesn't mean you have to look like a vegetable. 1.2316 0.04838 95 75 18 2
2531 That is not an afro. 1.2316 0.05065 95 76 16 3
2532 This is not what I meant when I suggested branching out. 1.2316 0.04838 95 75 18 2
2533 It's therapy, you have permission to be crudite. 1.2316 0.04838 95 75 18 2
2534 I'm finding it hard to hold my head up lately. 1.2316 0.04838 95 75 18 2
2535 If it's that bad then leave 1.2316 0.05065 95 76 16 3
2536 No one can be good all the time. 1.2316 0.05281 95 77 14 4
2537 How did you feel after you didn’t make a sound? 1.2316 0.05489 95 78 12 5
2538 Let’s be positive; most broccoli do not have the financial resources for therapy. 1.2316 0.04601 95 74 20 1
2539 Always remember….George Bush may have hated you , but Dana Carvey wrote a song about you ! 1.2316 0.05489 95 78 12 5
2540 I’m afraid you have a classic case of acorn envy. 1.2315 0.04284 108 84 23 1
2541 How long have you had this rootless feeling? 1.2315 0.04482 108 85 21 2
2542 It sounds to me like you have seasonal affective disorder. 1.2315 0.04482 108 85 21 2
2543 First off, do you identify as deciduous or coniferous? 1.2308 0.04708 91 71 19 1
2544 So when did you start your broccoli diet?" 1.2308 0.04961 91 72 17 2
2545 Sounds like you have a classic case of empty nest syndrome. 1.2308 0.06031 78 64 10 4
2546 You don't have anger issues. You just get steamed now and then. 1.2308 0.05137 78 61 16 1
2547 You're not tree, you're not broccoli, you're just you. 1.2308 0.04970 104 84 16 4
2548 Not TREE-tment, TREA-tment 1.2308 0.05201 91 73 15 3
2549 I think you should try to distinguish between your "self" and your "flavor" when considering how others respond to you. 1.2308 0.04579 104 82 20 2
2550 I can see that you're a little steamed 1.2308 0.05137 78 61 16 1
2551 So you're saying being with the Jolly Green Giant makes you feel invisible? 1.2308 0.04961 91 72 17 2
2552 So, you feel your partner wants 4 more like you every day? 1.2308 0.05748 78 63 12 3
2553 You are saying The New Yorker believes there is cauliflower privilege because it's white? 1.2308 0.05451 78 62 14 2
2554 When did you first suspect that you weren't Pasta Bolognese ? 1.2308 0.05155 104 85 14 5
2555 And sure enough, mom really was sneaking in vegetables by blending them into sauces and such 1.2308 0.05431 91 74 13 4
2556 Cannibalism is a definite concern. How long have you been a vegan broccoli? 1.2308 0.04970 104 84 16 4
2557 Branching out is not always the best option 1.2308 0.04604 117 94 19 4
2558 You know, our time together is helping me appreciate the Chronic Vegetative State in a whole new way. 1.2308 0.05137 78 61 16 1
2559 I think it's time you started putting down roots. 1.2308 0.05451 78 62 14 2
2560 Tell me again about your fears of axes and two-man saws. 1.2308 0.04801 78 60 18 0
2561 Maybe you are good for them, but are they good fit YOU? 1.2308 0.05431 91 74 13 4
2562 Well, to be honest, you're giving me indigestion now. 1.2308 0.04579 104 82 20 2
2563 When did you first notice you were losing your leaves?" 1.2308 0.05137 78 61 16 1
2564 I understand your frustration with kale becoming the new go-to green. 1.2308 0.05748 78 63 12 3
2565 Is it because you are a vegetable of color? 1.2308 0.04961 91 72 17 2
2566 Wow! Six false arrests on suspicion of stalking. That must really steam you up. 1.2308 0.05705 65 51 13 1
2567 It's my opinion the root of your problem is that you have none. 1.2301 0.05184 113 94 12 7
2568 Immature seed dropping is not a case of sexual dysfunction. But as for your pronouns, do you object to deciduous/broadleaf ? 1.2301 0.04705 113 91 18 4
2569 OK, a brussel sprout called you a broccoli head, you need to be the bigger vegetable here. 1.2300 0.04894 100 80 17 3
2570 Do you see yourself as blanched or au gratin? 1.2300 0.04894 100 80 17 3
2571 And what do you think this dream means? The one where all your leaves fall out? 1.2300 0.04683 100 79 19 2
2572 I hate to tell you this, but most people don't like ranch dressing. 1.2300 0.04683 100 79 19 2
2573 Look at the bright side, hardly anyone is reading printed books these days." 1.2300 0.04894 100 80 17 3
2574 Now that you've let off some steam, I'd like to put you in my fridge and meet with you again in a couple weeks when it's time to throw you out. 1.2300 0.05096 100 81 15 4
2575 With a little work, we can get to the root of your problems. 1.2299 0.05348 87 70 14 3
2576 Maybe we’re all late bloomers. 1.2299 0.05593 87 71 12 4
2577 So, you mentioned that in last night's dream they were trying to turn you into pizza dough too? 1.2299 0.05593 87 71 12 4
2578 Just because she said she's a tree-hugger doesn't mean she's ready for a serious relationship, and you need to respect that. 1.2299 0.05348 87 70 14 3
2579 Here is the thing—I stink when I get overheated. 1.2299 0.05092 87 69 16 2
2580 How many times have you read "A Tree Grows in Brooklyn"? 1.2299 0.05827 87 72 10 5
2581 Yes, I understand that you want to be heard. 1.2299 0.04823 87 68 18 1
2582 I DON'T THINK IT LOOKS LIKE AN AFRO. 1.2299 0.05827 87 72 10 5
2583 No! I don't think you can "really relate"! 1.2299 0.04823 87 68 18 1
2584 You're experiencing is an identity crisis. Your passion says tree, but your values say broccoli. 1.2299 0.05092 87 69 16 2
2585 The good news is that the passage of time tends to resolve phantom limb syndrome. 1.2299 0.04823 87 68 18 1
2586 Tell me why YOU think you feel so rootless. 1.2299 0.05348 87 70 14 3
2587 Forget about everyone else. The important question is, did you hear yourself fall?" 1.2299 0.05827 87 72 10 5
2588 Resist the body-shaming. So what if you dropped your leaves at a nudist resort full of conifers? 1.2299 0.04823 87 68 18 1
2589 And why do you think this rejection hurts you so much? 1.2297 0.05945 74 60 11 3
2590 I know you're anxious, But after they're orange and go away they absolutely will come back. 1.2297 0.05286 74 58 15 1
2591 There's no "I" in bunch. 1.2297 0.05625 74 59 13 2
2592 I want first to acknowledge how much you've branched out. 1.2297 0.04923 74 57 17 0
2593 I know this is hard to hear, but the tree costume is a little cringe, not gonna lie. 1.2297 0.05945 74 60 11 3
2594 So, you say your girlfriend only loves you with cheese sauce. Why does that make you feel unloved? 1.2297 0.05945 74 60 11 3
2595 Now, why don't we start with your roots. 1.2297 0.05625 74 59 13 2
2596 Perhaps saying you are shady is a compliment. 1.2297 0.05286 74 58 15 1
2597 So you fell in the forest and no one heard you--how did that make you feel? 1.2297 0.05945 74 60 11 3
2598 You have nothing to worry about, it is normal to lose your leaves. By spring you will be back to normal. Relax and enjoy. 1.2294 0.04986 109 89 15 5
2599 Yes the rings do represent growth, but is it real growth? 1.2292 0.05017 96 77 16 3
2600 I understand your feelings. It's not easy being green. 1.2292 0.04559 96 75 20 1
2601 Do you feel like you've stopped growing? 1.2292 0.04559 96 75 20 1
2602 Why do you think the voices tell you to drown yourself in boiling water? 1.2292 0.05437 96 79 12 5
2603 Some people may find your tendencies to be "stalky" 1.2292 0.05017 96 77 16 3
2604 Well it could be seen as limiting, that is being a broccolitarian. 1.2289 0.05769 83 68 11 4
2605 You are always the last picked? 1.2289 0.04946 83 65 17 1
2606 We've been over this. You've got to let go of your leaves. 1.2289 0.05235 83 66 15 2
2607 Of course you’re free to leave whenever you want to 1.2289 0.05235 83 66 15 2
2608 So you are worried about Bezos suing you all for using the Amazon name for your forest ? 1.2289 0.05508 83 67 13 3
2609 Sorry. I'm not a tree surgeon. 1.2289 0.05235 83 66 15 2
2610 I’m just here to lie down, I’ve been standing all day. 1.2289 0.05508 83 67 13 3
2611 Falling in the forsest with no one around to hear it is the least of your problems. Let's go back to your fear of chainsaws.'' 1.2289 0.05508 83 67 13 3
2612 So, your complex started when President Bush told the world he hated you? 1.2289 0.05235 83 66 15 2
2613 When did you first start to realize you are split between identifying as broccoli or oak? 1.2289 0.05235 83 66 15 2
2614 Let's get to the root of the problem: exactly why don't you like dogs? 1.2288 0.04725 118 96 17 5
2615 It seems as if you’ve been reading too much Ovid. 1.2286 0.05817 70 56 12 2
2616 Now, about your tree-meant. 1.2283 0.04663 92 72 19 1
2617 Sorry about the stains, there was a leek here before. 1.2283 0.04913 92 73 17 2
2618 You, being an evergreen, need have no fear of being publicly naked in winter. But you might want to find a hairdresser." 1.2283 0.05595 92 76 11 5
2619 Can you validate your girlfriend's feelings when she insists you keep stalking her? 1.2283 0.05377 92 75 13 4
2620 So what happened after you self-identified as a tree? 1.2283 0.05150 92 74 15 3
2621 You did not choose to be deciduous. 1.2283 0.04663 92 72 19 1
2622 Tell me more about this feeling that no one likes you 1.2283 0.04663 92 72 19 1
2623 Try turning a new leaf. 1.2278 0.05079 79 62 16 1
2624 So, I suggest examining your roots. 1.2278 0.05390 79 63 14 2
2625 And Why do you think people hate broccoli ? 1.2278 0.05961 79 65 10 4
2626 Never mind, it was just a Kermit the Frog reference—just a song. 1.2278 0.05390 79 63 14 2
2627 Don't be bitter. It is not your fault your kids hate you. 1.2278 0.05390 79 63 14 2
2628 I think your intense desire to branch out probably has its roots in your family's DNA. 1.2278 0.05390 79 63 14 2
2629 Honey, I warned you about the possibility of unknown side effects of veganism 1.2278 0.05390 79 63 14 2
2630 Let me get this straight,,, you're depressed because Our people make more CO2 than Your people make Oxygen??,,, Am I getting warm? 1.2278 0.05683 79 64 12 3
2631 Les talk... 1.2278 0.05390 79 63 14 2
2632 They do say, “Heavy is the head…” 1.2278 0.04749 79 61 18 0
2633 So people respect your fiber--but you've never felt loved. 1.2277 0.05243 101 83 13 5
2634 I know this puts you out on a limb, but tell me about your new hair style. 1.2277 0.04850 101 81 17 3
2635 It's just so hard when everyone thinks you're healthy. 1.2277 0.04642 101 80 19 2
2636 No one ever asks how I am… 1.2277 0.04642 101 80 19 2
2637 You love tree huggers but you don't love yourself? 1.2277 0.04642 101 80 19 2
2638 My couch is for rest. You know? For. Rest. Forrest. Get it? 1.2273 0.05041 88 70 16 2
2639 A Hollandaise aversion is normal and treatable. 1.2273 0.04775 88 69 18 1
2640 How long have you had this feeling of being stalked? 1.2273 0.06758 66 55 7 4
2641 Actually, it's Free Bird, not Tree Bird. 1.2273 0.05766 88 73 10 5
2642 I'm afraid I'm a little green on vegetable psychology. 1.2273 0.05294 88 71 14 3
2643 I'm just amazed you can talk. 1.2273 0.05766 88 73 10 5
2644 It’s not healthy to hate salads. 1.2273 0.05041 88 70 16 2
2645 Well, I'm not bitter. 1.2273 0.05294 88 71 14 3
2646 I had hair transplants when I lost mine. 1.2273 0.05294 88 71 14 3
2647 The kid refused to have you again? 1.2273 0.05041 88 70 16 2
2648 What if oak, sourwood and maple DID drop all theirs? If oak, sourwood and maple jumped off a bridge would you? 1.2268 0.04518 97 76 20 1
2649 I'm sorry you didn't get that part in Macbeth, but surely there are other plays you can try out for. 1.2268 0.05182 97 79 14 4
2650 I'm sorry, but we've run out of thyme. 1.2267 0.05558 75 60 13 2
2651 We need to get you to like yourself. I like you. I'd like you better with cheese sauce. Just kidding. 1.2267 0.05874 75 61 11 3
2652 When I said that I feel stunted in my personal growth, this isn't what I had in mind. 1.2267 0.05874 75 61 11 3
2653 Sometimes I get the urge to throw myself into a pot of boiling water. 1.2267 0.05224 75 59 15 1
2654 Are you comfortable? 1.2267 0.05558 75 60 13 2
2655 My greatest fear is of becoming a mammal like you. 1.2267 0.04867 75 58 17 0
2656 I may be going out on a limb here, but I think these changes you're experiencing are perfectly natural and beautiful. You just need to acknowledge them and then let them go. 1.2267 0.05558 75 60 13 2
2657 I’m more accustomed to the blues but, yes, the greens are not unheard of. 1.2267 0.05558 75 60 13 2
2658 So when did you first realize that you were trans? 1.2264 0.04698 106 85 18 3
2659 You should learn to accept that not everyone will like you. 1.2262 0.05449 84 68 13 3
2660 Well, after all it is Fall. Don't be afraid to let go. But please wait until you leave my office. 1.2262 0.05179 84 67 15 2
2661 Why do you feel people are staring at you only in the fall? 1.2262 0.05179 84 67 15 2
2662 Do you frequently feel "steamed"? 1.2262 0.05449 84 68 13 3
2663 Angst in the full flower of youth when you’re rootless is typical. You need to chill. 1.2262 0.05449 84 68 13 3
2664 You know what? I don’t like you either. Get the hell out of here. 1.2262 0.05449 84 68 13 3
2665 Mr. Broccoli, why do you feel you are unworthy of being mistaken as a tree? 1.2262 0.05449 84 68 13 3
2666 Your problem isn’t as deep rooted as you think. 1.2262 0.04895 84 66 17 1
2667 You have many strengths, but you can’t solve global warming all by yourself. 1.2262 0.04592 84 65 19 0
2668 Did he actually give you a Hug? 1.2262 0.05179 84 67 15 2
2669 I can’t get over it. Every year no matter how colorful the leaves get, I get depressed. 1.2262 0.04592 84 65 19 0
2670 If we dig deeper I'm sure we can get to the root of this. 1.2262 0.05179 84 67 15 2
2671 Tell me more about your feelings of being without roots. 1.2262 0.04895 84 66 17 1
2672 Why do you feel responsible that the apple fell far from you? 1.2258 0.04866 93 74 17 2
2673 Ordinarily, a relationship with a client isn't healthy. 1.2258 0.05540 93 77 11 5
2674 How did it make you feel when she called you spinach? 1.2258 0.04619 93 73 19 1
2675 I don't give a fruit any longer 1.2258 0.04619 93 73 19 1
2676 So when did you first come to believe that you might actually be a broccoli spear on steroids? 1.2258 0.05325 93 76 13 4
2677 Well I’m here to help you stay rooted 1.2258 0.04866 93 74 17 2
2678 You do realize that this is a meeting of a hedge fund. 1.2258 0.04866 93 74 17 2
2679 Just ignore the people saying your hair is cultural appropriation. They're the ones who should be on the couch. 1.2255 0.05196 102 84 13 5
2680 You can't just lie around vegging out. 1.2255 0.04808 102 82 17 3
2681 Don't worry - you're lovelier than a poem. 1.2255 0.05196 102 84 13 5
2682 For being silent and stationary, you respond well to therapy-speak. 1.2254 0.05743 71 57 12 2
2683 And exactly why do you feel you’re being stalked? 1.2254 0.06084 71 58 10 3
2684 I believe that most hairdressers style afros in ways that don't require you to hold it up with your arms. 1.2254 0.05743 71 57 12 2
2685 Well, I don't know that if you were white you could be cauliflower but let's go with that thought. 1.2254 0.05743 71 57 12 2
2686 It does make a sound... a horrible, awful sound. 1.2254 0.05743 71 57 12 2
2687 You're a vegetable? My mom always said you were a tree. 1.2252 0.04904 111 91 15 5
2688 Growth starts when you branch out. 1.2252 0.04375 111 88 21 2
2689 Word is it isn't easy being green. 1.2252 0.04735 111 90 17 4
2690 You’re healthy. 1.2250 0.05618 80 65 12 3
2691 I think the problem here is that you refuse to put down roots. 1.2250 0.04698 80 62 18 0
2692 I once had a tree house myself. 1.2250 0.05618 80 65 12 3
2693 It's OK to not like yourself now, everybody hates broccoli until they are at least 21. 1.2250 0.05329 80 64 14 2
2694 I apologize I can not be your therapist. Just seeing you brings back childhood drama, power struggles, and nights of loss dessert. 1.2250 0.05329 80 64 14 2
2695 So what kind of tree do you want to be? 1.2250 0.05618 80 65 12 3
2696 What do you mean, you think my tie looks stupid? 1.2250 0.05618