Contest #767


Cartoon

767

The winning captions

These captions are chosen by The New Yorker.

  1. “Now, if you'll just yank away the tablecloth.”
  2. “I think I got the waiter's attention.”
  3. “My last boyfriend died in a tragic dining accident.”


Name Value
Submission deadline 2021-08-15T19:07:00.000Z
Voting started -
Voting ended 2021-08-29T19:11:00.000Z
Finalists announced 2021-08-23T19:11:00.000Z
Magazine(s) announcing finalists issued August 30, 2021
Number of captions 7912
Number of responses 768653
Number of participants -


Dashboard

In this table, the "mean" means the empirically measured average funniness score when the "unfunny", "somewhat funny" and "funny" receive a funniness score of 1, 2, 3 respectively. "Precison" is the standard error of the mean, the standard deviation of the mean estimate. With that, a caption with an empirical mean μ and precision σ has true mean in the range [μ - 2σ, μ + 2σ] with 95% probability by the 68-95-99.7 rule assuming the responses are indepedent and identically distributed.

Rank Caption Mean Precision Total votes "Unfunny" votes "Somewhat funny" votes "Funny" votes
0 You seem really nice - most of the guys I date are clowns. 1.9016 0.01191 4798 1891 1488 1419
1 Kids? I love kids. Hand me one. 1.8850 0.01869 1922 768 607 547
2 My biggest fan was my late husband. 1.8542 0.01463 3087 1277 983 827
3 So what I wrote in my dating profile is true. Now show me your Nobel Peace Prize. 1.8325 0.02540 1045 454 312 279
4 So, like my profile said, I bring a lot to the table. 1.8237 0.01548 2558 1049 911 598
5 Now, pull the tablecloth! 1.8192 0.01437 3202 1400 981 821
6 Enough about me. You're an accountant? That must be exciting. 1.8183 0.02125 1365 567 479 319
7 You won't believe what I do on a second date. 1.7995 0.01795 1895 806 663 426
8 I like to think I bring a lot to the table. 1.7913 0.01475 2822 1222 967 633
9 I think it’s working: the waiter’s coming over. 1.7867 0.01532 2639 1159 884 596
10 Of course, I'm vaccinated. Do you think I'm crazy? 1.7863 0.01553 2691 1222 822 647
11 Well, look at that, you finally put your phone down." 1.7860 0.01862 1869 848 573 448
12 So, have you ever dated a single mom before? 1.7849 0.01732 2041 891 698 452
13 Am I more interesting than your phone yet? 1.7785 0.01578 2465 1090 831 544
14 I think I got the waiter’s attention. 1.7767 0.01378 3367 1536 1047 784
15 To be fair your profile did say...“a well- balanced Woman who loves to entertain” 1.7758 0.01997 1494 650 529 315
16 Go ahead. I'm listening. 1.7743 0.01661 2060 870 785 405
17 I hope you don't expect me to just drop everything. 1.7730 0.02109 1335 582 474 279
18 It was a bicycle 'til I dropped the chainsaw a few times. 1.7651 0.02243 1277 595 387 295
19 I didn’t say I was juggling careers, I said I had a juggling career. 1.7643 0.01538 2571 1156 865 550
20 Okay on three yank on the table cloth. 1.7631 0.01438 2976 1352 977 647
21 It was at that moment Jane thought maybe she was trying too hard. 1.7625 0.01478 2771 1245 939 587
22 Wow, then you picked the kids up from school AND emptied the dishwasher? 1.7601 0.01761 2080 980 619 481
23 I will feel safer if you wear a mask 1.7600 0.01891 1767 821 549 397
24 This is far easier for me than listening to you talk about cryptocurrency. 1.7589 0.01528 2638 1207 860 571
25 Well, it got you to put your phone down... 1.7542 0.01874 1615 705 602 308
26 I'm a great catch. 1.7522 0.01711 2401 1215 566 620
27 I go on a lot of first dates. 1.7518 0.01820 1765 789 625 351
28 Now, when I count to three, toss me that glass. 1.7490 0.01733 1912 849 694 369
29 What did you think I meant by “dinner and a show”? 1.7451 0.02080 1373 627 469 277
30 I never know what to do with my hands when I am talking. 1.7432 0.01827 1698 755 624 319
31 What did YOU think I meant when I said, 'I'm juggling a lot right now?' 1.7415 0.01724 1973 899 685 389
32 Am I vaccinated? No. That sounds too risky to me. 1.7412 0.01810 1978 963 564 451
33 OK, on the count of three, pull the table cloth out as fast as you can. 1.7402 0.01807 1894 895 596 403
34 I'm just not sure if I can juggle a relationship, too 1.7386 0.01758 1871 849 662 360
35 My last boyfriend died in a tragic dining accident. 1.7381 0.01854 1863 904 543 416
36 You're a great guy, it's just that I'm juggling a lot right now. 1.7347 0.02096 1278 573 471 234
37 So, I work in risk management...how about you? 1.7346 0.02076 1334 607 474 253
38 So, you're the guy who likes long walks on the beach. 1.7313 0.02046 1671 869 382 420
39 Now,imagine adding a baby. 1.7311 0.01930 1651 789 517 345
40 You said you wanted dinner and a show. 1.7274 0.01892 1563 708 573 282
41 Oh yes, please ... tell me again how I'm doing it wrong. 1.7244 0.02095 1495 753 401 341
42 Enough about me. What do you do? 1.7242 0.01964 1490 690 521 279
43 Now if you'll just yank away the tablecloth. 1.7234 0.02039 1468 707 460 301
44 It became much easier once people started staying six feet away. 1.7145 0.02078 1289 595 467 227
45 No vaccine for me. Too risky. 1.7129 0.02181 1261 611 401 249
46 So, you really want to know if I can manage a career, children and a marriage? 1.7124 0.02161 1245 592 419 234
47 I've been trying to meet someone who shares my interests, but so far they've all been clowns. 1.7105 0.02253 1216 602 364 250
48 Instead of explaining how it feels to be a woman in her 40s, let me show you. 1.7094 0.02230 1194 578 385 231
49 You think this is hard? Try juggling a full time job and three kids learning virtually. 1.7083 0.02268 1176 577 365 234
50 I normally don't do this on the first date. 1.7076 0.02174 1156 534 426 196
51 After having the kids home 24/7 for a year and a half, “back to normal” just didn’t seem challenging anymore. 1.7070 0.02215 1150 542 403 205
52 What do you mean exactly when you say "attention seeking issues"? 1.7041 0.02259 1122 536 382 204
53 Seriously Ted, you're very hard to impress. 1.7030 0.02242 1091 509 397 185
54 It’s not you, Ted. I’m just juggling a lot right now. 1.6987 0.02343 1029 492 355 182
55 When I said "literally",you thought I meant "figuratively", didn't you? 1.6974 0.02429 1018 506 314 198
56 I'm sorry, am I making this about me again? 1.6962 0.02420 994 486 324 184
57 Yeah, they're still ignoring us. 1.6957 0.02358 1022 493 347 182
58 Yes please, tell me more about how being a man is so complicated... 1.6953 0.02570 991 521 251 219
59 The precise moment Bob regretted telling the server it was his birthday. 1.6947 0.02612 976 519 236 221
60 Don't listen to your friends. Could a crazy woman do this? 1.6928 0.02491 957 476 299 182
61 It was either this or cleavage. 1.6926 0.02484 950 469 304 177
62 If I can do this, I know I’m ok to drive home. 1.6924 0.02447 946 458 321 167
63 Friends say I try too hard to make an impression on my first date. 1.6920 0.02359 974 460 354 160
64 I usually wait till the third date to give a guy the full show. 1.6890 0.02495 910 443 307 160
65 Now that I have your attention, I'd like to talk about my feelings. 1.6890 0.02455 926 447 320 159
66 Okay, now let's hope that you're better at catching the chainsaw than my ex was. 1.6888 0.02612 932 486 250 196
67 Not nearly as difficult as a vacuum, a cookbook, and an infant. 1.6885 0.02607 899 458 263 178
68 Now hand me your drink 1.6879 0.02547 894 442 289 163
69 This one's called 'The Last Supper.' 1.6873 0.02623 889 454 259 176
70 Really, it's not you. I am just juggling a lot of things right now. 1.6842 0.02566 855 418 289 148
71 At that moment Ted was reminded to look at the whole online profile 1.6841 0.02580 858 423 283 152
72 It was at that moment that Jerry remembered: I went on a date with her five years ago 1.6834 0.02687 878 461 234 183
73 It started with just me walking while chewing gum. 1.6823 0.02611 831 409 277 145
74 Statistically, this is safer than letting you walk me home. 1.6822 0.02645 837 420 263 154
75 Now for the hard part . . . hand me the glass. 1.6802 0.02693 813 411 251 151
76 Ok. I got the waiter’s attention. 1.6787 0.02625 800 390 277 133
77 Are you gonna drink that water? 1.6787 0.02716 803 408 245 150
78 Now toss me the glass. 1.6784 0.02736 796 406 240 150
79 I normally do this on a wire but I didn’t want to show off on the first date. 1.6749 0.02650 769 373 273 123
80 In your profile you said you admire a woman who can multitask. 1.6746 0.02639 759 364 278 117
81 On your profile,you said you were looking for an athletic woman whose not afraid to take risks! 1.6732 0.02625 762 365 281 116
82 Still easier than having kids and a career at the same time. 1.6732 0.02635 768 371 277 120
83 This is nothing! I used to work daycare 1.6703 0.02796 725 364 236 125
84 I don’t know why you’re surprised, all women can do this 1.6694 0.02831 729 373 224 132
85 I'm a single mom who is working remotely and home schooling her kids. This is how I unwind. 1.6694 0.02778 744 377 236 131
86 Yes, I am a working single mom. Why do you ask? 1.6685 0.02877 715 369 214 132
87 …and what do you bring to the table? 1.6657 0.02922 700 365 204 131
88 Toss me your glass, Bob! 1.6642 0.02853 682 342 227 113
89 Don’t worry — I probably still make less than you. 1.6627 0.02924 664 338 212 114
90 Finally, you put your phone down and I have your full attention!" 1.6624 0.02893 699 362 211 126
91 It's not you. I just have a lot up in the air right now. 1.6621 0.02920 663 337 213 113
92 And for my next trick, I will feign interest. 1.6619 0.03075 624 325 185 114
93 :"...or I could drop everything and get your breakfast. Your choice." 1.6613 0.02955 679 355 199 125
94 And,I can parallel park! 1.6609 0.02965 640 325 207 108
95 Now throw me the water. 1.6606 0.02930 654 332 212 110
96 You ever wonder if something life-changing will suddenly fall into your lap? 1.6596 0.03181 617 333 161 123
97 Bob thought to himself, "Maybe I should do the trick where I pull the table cloth from under my glass." 1.6594 0.03071 646 344 178 124
98 I'm not sure I have the time to juggle a relationship, too. 1.6589 0.02964 645 330 205 110
99 I think I'd feel safer if you were wearing a mask. 1.6584 0.03092 647 348 172 127
100 I find first dates to be slightly awkward, don't you? 1.6572 0.02898 636 316 222 98
101 OK Sarah, I’ve put my phone away 1.6551 0.03159 603 321 169 113
102 You are flirting with disaster. 1.6545 0.03297 628 360 125 143
103 Vaccine? Naahhh, it’s too dangerous. 1.6535 0.03060 606 313 190 103
104 This is not at all what I pictured when your profile said you were an adult entertainer. 1.6498 0.03164 611 331 163 117
105 First dates are so awkward, I never know what to do with my hands 1.6491 0.03059 607 316 188 103
106 Well, I seem to go on a lot of first dates! 1.6478 0.02907 619 309 219 91
107 I had some time during the pandemic. 1.6471 0.02965 561 272 215 74
108 Let's just say my last date ended poorly. 1.6457 0.03101 573 295 186 92
109 So many people didn't put their quarantine time to good use. 1.6451 0.03095 572 294 187 91
110 my late husband was my biggest fan” 1.6448 0.03314 580 324 138 118
111 I feel like I'm the only one really trying to keep things interesting in our relationship. 1.6444 0.03146 585 310 173 102
112 I got this. I’m a mother. 1.6439 0.03135 542 275 185 82
113 Hi I'm Bronywyn, your server. I'll be tenderizing, grilling and carving your prime rib tonight. 1.6427 0.03133 599 321 171 107
114 So what’s your pandemic hobby? 1.6418 0.03165 550 285 177 88
115 But enough about me, I want to hear about you. 1.6418 0.03087 536 267 194 75
116 I also learned how to make sourdough. 1.6413 0.03177 552 288 174 90
117 It's a helluva lot easier than juggling kids and a job. 1.6407 0.03169 540 278 178 84
118 My eyes are up here. 1.6404 0.03348 534 290 146 98
119 No, I've never really felt the need to prove myself. Why do you ask? 1.6398 0.03199 522 267 176 79
120 Dangerous? You’re the one out to dinner unvaccinated. 1.6395 0.03155 588 316 168 104
121 Your profile said you were a good catch." 1.6391 0.03257 557 301 156 100
122 I'm tired of feeling invisible, Todd. 1.6365 0.03313 509 268 158 83
123 Now tell me again how difficult it is to load the dishwasher? 1.6360 0.03557 500 282 118 100
124 Oh,you said you wanted someone to SNUGGLE with. 1.6345 0.03432 498 270 140 88
125 So, you were saying you play the harmonica? That's neat. 1.6336 0.03187 535 279 173 83
126 I just think a vaccine sounds really risky. 1.6330 0.03276 594 338 136 120
127 So, what were your lockdown hobbies? 1.6327 0.03130 550 286 180 84
128 After teaching third graders remotely, this is how I relax. 1.6322 0.03537 484 268 126 90
129 On three pull the table cloth really hard. 1.6318 0.03486 497 275 130 92
130 This is so much easier than small talk. 1.6317 0.03379 486 257 151 78
131 My eyes are up here, Dave. 1.6314 0.03848 388 209 113 66
132 With one martini I used to just dance on the table, but after three I had to up my game. 1.6313 0.03223 499 255 173 71
133 I don't usually do this on the first date. 1.6313 0.03425 480 256 145 79
134 So, what did you learn during lockdown? 1.6310 0.03325 542 299 144 99
135 Alright, you win. Women are better at multitasking. 1.6300 0.03453 473 253 142 78
136 Throw me that glass.... 1.6282 0.03203 511 264 173 74
137 So, what hobbies did you take up during the lockdown? 1.6269 0.03234 461 229 175 57
138 My last relationship ended when he broke my concentration. 1.6256 0.03475 454 241 142 71
139 I told you I was a great catch. 1.6247 0.03439 453 238 147 68
140 You should see what I do on the second date. 1.6222 0.03459 450 238 144 68
141 But enough about me. Tell me about yourself. 1.6219 0.03557 439 236 133 70
142 Ken noticed that she looked older than her profile pictures. 1.6218 0.03592 468 263 119 86
143 Just preparing for a household, kids and a career 1.6205 0.03418 469 251 145 73
144 Just a couple of things I picked up during lockdown. 1.6205 0.03372 440 225 157 58
145 It was at this point that Roger realized wearing the salmon shirt wouldn’t have been too risky. 1.6185 0.03687 422 232 119 71
146 Ok, now your water glass. 1.6172 0.03543 418 220 138 60
147 Before the pandemic I was an accountant. 1.6172 0.03497 465 255 133 77
148 You should see what I can do on 3rd date! 1.6170 0.03558 423 225 135 63
149 I mean, really, how hard would it be to toss in a baby? 1.6166 0.03585 433 235 129 69
150 Yeah, Paul, I think I know what a man expects when he buys a girl dinner. 1.6157 0.03636 432 238 122 72
151 My eyes are up here, Harold. 1.6150 0.03691 413 226 120 67
152 I'd feel safer if you'd put on a mask 1.6138 0.03605 479 277 110 92
153 No, I hadn't really thought about how I would stop. 1.6137 0.03519 422 223 139 60
154 Could you hand me that glass? 1.6129 0.03475 434 230 142 62
155 If you've finished your drink, toss me the glass. 1.6126 0.03701 444 254 108 82
156 I KNEW I could do something that would make you stop looking at your phone. 1.6120 0.03720 433 246 109 78
157 Massive head injury. Why did your last relationship end? 1.6119 0.03438 469 256 139 74
158 Oh, and we’re pregnant again. 1.6116 0.03501 430 229 139 62
159 I feel like I can do anything since I got vaccinated. 1.6112 0.03440 445 237 144 64
160 Teaching kindergarten was too hard. 1.6105 0.03607 421 229 127 65
161 I have no problem keeping people six feet away. 1.6102 0.03757 413 232 110 71
162 Ok, whenever you're ready, toss up your glass 1.6096 0.03601 438 243 123 72
163 Compared to a career and children, this is easy. 1.6095 0.03708 402 220 119 63
164 And for my next trick, I’ll try to balance work and life. 1.6085 0.03604 424 232 126 66
165 So, the trick is to pull the tablecloth out really fast. 1.6078 0.03688 436 248 111 77
166 I know,I should be wearing a mask. 1.6075 0.03534 400 209 139 52
167 There are only 3 ways this relationship is going to end. 1.6073 0.03808 382 210 112 60
168 I would feel safer if you were wearing a mask. 1.6072 0.03571 471 270 116 85
169 No really, please go on, I' m listening... 1.6069 0.03593 435 241 124 70
170 It’s really the only way to get the waiter’s attention here. 1.6068 0.03610 384 201 133 50
171 My last boyfriend had trust issues! 1.6061 0.03738 396 218 116 62
172 You should see what I can do on our second date. 1.6051 0.03550 428 233 131 64
173 Still wanna check your phone instead of looking at me? 1.6034 0.03599 416 227 127 62
174 ITS SO MUCH EASIER WITHOUT THE CAT! 1.6022 0.04065 367 213 87 67
175 So enough about me. What are your hobbies? 1.6005 0.03677 378 202 125 51
176 So again, I’ll handle all this, you put your dirty socks in the hamper. 1.5989 0.03747 374 203 118 53
177 I just don’t think I can juggle a relationship right now. 1.5976 0.03788 410 236 103 71
178 Oh, it's pretty easy. I got into it by practicing with my full-time job, the home, and the kids, all while balancing the checkbook. 1.5969 0.03759 387 215 113 59
179 This is the best way to show what it's like to be a single mom. 1.5956 0.03626 408 225 123 60
180 So you're telling me the only thing you did during the pandemic was learn Sanskrit? 1.5950 0.03682 400 222 118 60
181 The real trick is balancing kids and a career. 1.5944 0.03822 360 197 112 51
182 Well, enough about me. 1.5937 0.03760 347 184 120 43
183 I know I didn’t mention this in my profile, but I also collect stamps. 1.5936 0.03712 374 203 120 51
184 Now that I managed to get you to look up from your phone.... 1.5933 0.04086 359 210 85 64
185 ‘Now, hop on my shoulders’ 1.5929 0.03968 366 210 95 61
186 Would you like to hear our specials this evening? 1.5926 0.03706 351 185 124 42
187 My mother said this would be good to do on the first date to distract you from the fact that I’m 40 and want to have kids 1.5921 0.03798 380 213 109 58
188 I had to jump through hoops to reserve a table. 1.5918 0.03970 343 191 101 51
189 This is your first time speed dating, right? 1.5917 0.03904 360 202 103 55
190 I’m not sure if I can juggle a relationship just now. 1.5913 0.03827 367 204 109 54
191 They say you never get a second chance to make a first impression. 1.5899 0.03669 356 188 126 42
192 I’m not very good at small talk. 1.5898 0.03873 334 180 111 43
193 Now, toss me a pen and I'll take your order. 1.5897 0.04192 329 190 84 55
194 Let me know if this bothers you. 1.5894 0.04001 358 206 93 59
195 Your profile said that you were looking for a woman who could surprise you. 1.5881 0.03888 335 182 109 44
196 Next lockdown I learn to do this on a rope. 1.5876 0.03793 354 193 114 47
197 It's only my personal life I can't balance. 1.5865 0.03948 341 190 102 49
198 Can the other woman do THIS, Dave? 1.5856 0.03596 432 247 117 68
199 Oh, yeah? Well I'd like to see your Mother do this! 1.5849 0.04073 318 177 96 45
200 Usually the menus come before I turn on the chainsaw. 1.5844 0.04173 320 183 87 50
201 Nope, still easier than you, my job, our parents, and the kids 1.5843 0.04154 344 203 81 60
202 I feel I can bring a lot to the table. 1.5831 0.03974 331 184 101 46
203 Sometimes I worry I've forgotten how to socialize. 1.5820 0.03929 323 176 106 41
204 Of course I haven’t been vaccinated! It’s not safe. 1.5818 0.04317 330 199 70 61
205 I know your ex is a tough act to follow” 1.5817 0.03612 416 236 118 62
206 What did YOU learn to do during lockdown? 1.5809 0.03950 346 196 99 51
207 "This is nothing compared to what I can do to the company's books." 1.5807 0.04154 322 185 87 50
208 Honey, is something wrong? You barely swallowed your sword. 1.5802 0.04158 324 187 86 51
209 Jump in whenever you’re ready. 1.5801 0.03932 312 168 107 37
210 I can't believe you carry all that in your purse. 1.5798 0.04289 307 178 80 49
211 It worked. Here he comes with the breadsticks. 1.5796 0.04262 314 183 80 51
212 "And you're asking if I can juggle motherhood and a career?" 1.5794 0.04212 321 187 82 52
213 Other than this, I’m pretty low maintenance. 1.5793 0.04014 309 169 101 39
214 On the other hand, the depression’s gone completely. 1.5776 0.04154 303 170 91 42
215 Just practicing before we have kids. 1.5766 0.03821 359 202 107 50
216 You said I need to bring something new to the table for this to work 1.5758 0.03869 363 208 101 54
217 I have too much going on right now to get into a relationship. 1.5757 0.03878 337 187 106 44
218 My therapist said I should find a job less stressful than teaching 1.5751 0.04154 313 179 88 46
219 Yes I am a Mom, how did you guess? 1.5747 0.03957 348 200 96 52
220 Claire was trying her best, but Dave had long ago mastered the art of tweeting under the table. 1.5742 0.04284 310 182 78 50
221 After balancing a spoon on his nose, Michael asked Sarah if she had any hidden talents . 1.5737 0.04452 312 191 63 58
222 Don't worry; I'm vaccinated. 1.5733 0.04167 307 175 88 44
223 I'm not ready for a relationship where I might get hurt. 1.5719 0.04278 292 167 83 42
224 That waiter is definitely ignoring us. 1.5719 0.03907 334 187 103 44
225 And what did you learn, stuck at home, during Covid? 1.5714 0.04183 308 177 86 45
226 This oughta get the waiter's attention! 1.5706 0.03909 326 181 104 41
227 See, Dad? I told you my liberal arts degree wouldn't go to waste. 1.5704 0.04034 291 158 100 33
228 I know, the most dangerous part is I'm not wearing a mask. 1.5701 0.03980 321 180 99 42
229 Nope, homeschooling and working full time is still harder 1.5696 0.04052 316 179 94 43
230 Okay, you can toss me the glass of water now. 1.5695 0.04222 302 174 84 44
231 Dinner's in the oven, laundry is folded, kids are in bed, can I get you anything? 1.5695 0.04350 302 179 74 49
232 Quick! Toss me the drink! 1.5686 0.04205 306 177 84 45
233 It’s code for if you ever cheat on me, I’ll set your head on fire, cut it off, and use it as a bowling ball. 1.5679 0.04450 280 164 73 43
234 Is there water in the glass? Hand it to me. 1.5679 0.04153 280 154 93 33
235 It's actually harder than it looks. 1.5676 0.03927 296 159 106 31
236 Barb found that if she kept busy, her nervous twitch wasn't apparent. 1.5676 0.04236 296 170 84 42
237 Watch out! I usually drop the chainsaw first. 1.5675 0.04424 289 171 72 46
238 How about this? Is THIS enough for you? 1.5668 0.04400 277 160 77 40
239 "....and I'm pregnant!" 1.5657 0.04021 327 188 93 46
240 If this doesn’t get us menus, nothing will! 1.5652 0.04353 276 158 80 38
241 The chef apologizes. We've run out of our regular amuse-bouche. 1.5651 0.04226 292 167 85 40
242 I don't know why, but men always seem to find me intimidating. Do you find me intimidating? 1.5646 0.04232 294 169 84 41
243 Interesting story about how my last relationship suddenly ended! 1.5645 0.04311 287 166 80 41
244 And I still only get paid 70% of your salary. 1.5632 0.04342 277 159 80 38
245 The hard part is getting the tire marks out of the tablecloth. 1.5623 0.04364 265 150 81 34
246 Your dating app said you liked a girl who could multitask. 1.5616 0.04172 292 166 88 38
247 You said, "How 'bout dinner and a show tonight?" 1.5612 0.04271 278 158 84 36
248 My friend told me you really go for the juggler. 1.5598 0.04508 259 150 73 36
249 So what have you learned in quarantine? 1.5593 0.04028 295 164 97 34
250 I also taught myself how to make sourdough 1.5587 0.04297 281 162 81 38
251 I can't cook. 1.5586 0.04413 256 145 79 32
252 So what about you, any hobbies? 1.5581 0.04556 258 151 70 37
253 As you can see, I don't fake MY dating profile hobbies. 1.5579 0.04251 285 164 83 38
254 It's actually easier than a baby, boyfriend, and job. 1.5578 0.04180 294 169 86 39
255 So you're not sure if I could handle motherhood? 1.5576 0.04211 278 157 87 34
256 What are you waiting for? Toss me your glass. 1.5573 0.03926 314 176 101 37
257 At least I'm not checking my phone. 1.5567 0.04106 282 157 93 32
258 Juggling motherhood, a career and dating just wasn't enough of a challenge anymore. 1.5564 0.04702 257 155 61 41
259 You said you missed going to dinner and a show. 1.5560 0.04237 259 143 88 28
260 I promise I won’t drop the ball this time. 1.5556 0.04467 252 144 76 32
261 Now if you just pull the table cloth off very quickly... 1.5551 0.04588 272 165 63 44
262 Just promise me you won't turn out to be a clown like all the other guys I've dated. 1.5545 0.04036 321 187 90 44
263 That's right, blind since birth. 1.5543 0.04656 258 155 63 40
264 I don’t mind splitting the check. I’ll just have to time it correctly. 1.5542 0.04650 249 147 66 36
265 For my encore I pass a bill in the Senate. 1.5540 0.04455 287 174 67 46
266 What do you mean, dangerous? We’re already eating indoors at a restaurant without masks. 1.5539 0.04351 269 155 79 35
267 ...and then I heard about this dating app called Jugglr. 1.5538 0.04337 251 140 83 28
268 Some men find me intimidating. 1.5535 0.04542 271 163 66 42
269 Sure honey, I think it’s fine to go on your golf trip with your buddies for a week while I manage the kids, work and house. 1.5530 0.04542 264 157 68 39
270 …so they told me I had ADD. Can you even imagine? 1.5519 0.04643 212 117 73 22
271 And yet, still $0.80 to your dollar. 1.5517 0.04583 261 156 66 39
272 I do it without a mask on to make it dangerous. 1.5506 0.04819 247 151 56 40
273 I have three kids, working on my Masters and work full time at the hospital. And you? 1.5504 0.04306 278 162 79 37
274 What hobby did YOU pick up last year? 1.5500 0.04400 260 150 77 33
275 See? Not everyone lies in their dating profile. 1.5489 0.04580 266 161 64 41
276 You honestly can't tell I cut my bangs shorter? 1.5474 0.04168 285 164 86 35
277 They asked about my ability to balance work, life and family. So I showed them this. 1.5472 0.04050 307 178 90 39
278 Enough about me. What did you do during quarantine? 1.5470 0.04291 287 170 77 40
279 Do you think this will get the waiter's attention? 1.5465 0.04358 258 148 79 31
280 If I can do this before dinner, just imagine what I can do for dessert! 1.5458 0.04304 251 141 83 27
281 I always bring them on first dates, just a little something to break the ice… 1.5458 0.04304 251 141 83 27
282 You understand the metaphor, don't you? 1.5451 0.04668 233 136 67 30
283 Do I seem unbalanced to you? 1.5440 0.04640 250 150 64 36
284 Not me. The vaccine isn't safe. 1.5420 0.04821 238 145 57 36
285 You know, this isn't as easy as it looks. 1.5419 0.04510 227 128 75 24
286 Next time you might want to say yes to the lap dance. 1.5415 0.04598 253 152 65 36
287 I picked up a couple of new hobbies during the pandemic. 1.5409 0.04268 257 146 83 28
288 You should see me toss a salad. 1.5407 0.04664 246 148 63 35
289 Doing it is easy. The trick is stopping. 1.5404 0.04401 285 174 68 43
290 I thought it might be fun to try juggling things besides working from home, virtual school for our kids, and existential dread through a global pandemic! 1.5396 0.04275 265 153 81 31
291 It’s safe; I’m vaccinated. 1.5395 0.04582 228 131 71 26
292 Vaccines are too dangerous 1.5391 0.04796 230 138 60 32
293 Now that I got you to put down your cell phone... 1.5385 0.04733 221 129 65 27
294 Oh no, I wasn't losing interest! I love your work stories. 1.5382 0.04586 249 149 66 34
295 'Enough about me. What are your hobbies?" 1.5378 0.04557 238 139 70 29
296 This concludes the talent portion of our date. 1.5375 0.04718 240 145 61 34
297 . "Oops! Could you grab the chain saw for me?" 1.5362 0.04757 235 142 60 33
298 And yourself? What do you do? 1.5350 0.04373 243 139 78 26
299 So, what do you do? 1.5349 0.04788 215 126 63 26
300 For whatever reason, the men I date never last long. 1.5344 0.04397 247 143 76 28
301 If you don't think that's enough risk, let me remind you that I'm unvaccinated. 1.5344 0.04702 262 165 54 43
302 I hope you're a good catch. 1.5342 0.04887 234 145 53 36
303 And you're too busy to pick up the kids ? 1.5341 0.04333 249 143 79 27
304 Ready! Catch 1.5336 0.04660 223 130 67 26
305 Now remember. When you pull the tablecloth, you really have to commit 1.5336 0.04913 223 136 55 32
306 I find first dates terribly awkward , I never know what to do or say. 1.5331 0.04234 257 147 83 27
307 Go on, I’m listening. 1.5325 0.04522 246 146 69 31
308 What do you mean that I crave attention? 1.5323 0.04368 263 156 74 33
309 Thanks, but this is just the preamble. I'm pregnant. 1.5323 0.04776 248 155 54 39
310 ‘You never really get over being the middle child, do you?’ 1.5323 0.04707 248 153 58 37
311 Okay--you caught the cup. Which one do you want to catch next? 1.5314 0.04545 239 141 69 29
312 We all learned to cope differently this past year... 1.5310 0.04615 226 132 68 26
313 Yes! I think I got there waiter’s attention now... 1.5309 0.04335 243 139 79 25
314 Sure you have my undivided attention. 1.5308 0.04570 211 119 72 20
315 I must really like you. I don't usually break out the unicycle until the third date. 1.5308 0.04950 211 127 56 28
316 Just a mother and housewife. What do you do? 1.5306 0.04386 245 142 76 27
317 I always feel like I have to perform on first dates. 1.5305 0.04959 213 129 55 29
318 Glad you’re impressed, but I’m still only making seventy-one percent of what you’re getting for this cartoon. 1.5304 0.04723 247 153 57 37
319 I used to work in public health but it got too dangerous 1.5302 0.05011 215 132 52 31
320 This is nothing. My last job was White House Communications Director. 1.5297 0.04893 236 148 51 37
321 Now hand me the water glass. 1.5291 0.04801 206 120 63 23
322 …then after my third husband’s incident I decided on the smaller saw. 1.5284 0.04735 229 138 61 30
323 Yeah, but I just don't know if the vaccine is safe. 1.5279 0.04980 233 148 47 38
324 So, what else did you learn during quarantine? 1.5279 0.04594 233 138 67 28
325 ... but I love long walks on the beach most of all. 1.5278 0.04548 252 153 65 34
326 Maybe this will get us menus. 1.5278 0.04728 216 127 64 25
327 By the way, I'm pregnant. 1.5273 0.05008 220 137 50 33
328 Wait til you see what I'll do on a second date! 1.5267 0.04490 243 144 70 29
329 Let's see those guys at Benihana try this! 1.5259 0.04689 232 140 62 30
330 So when you're ready, pass me the glass. 1.5257 0.04500 253 153 67 33
331 Sure, I can take your jacket to the dry cleaner. 1.5256 0.04889 234 147 51 36
332 Wait until you see how good I am at juggling work and kids. 1.5252 0.04483 238 140 71 27
333 Don't worry. This is in fact less dangerous than 2020 1.5244 0.04589 225 132 68 25
334 Oh wow, it’s hitting me that this is so much easier without the kids around. 1.5238 0.04584 231 137 67 27
335 Ok, on the count of three, toss me the glass. 1.5234 0.04762 214 127 62 25
336 I'm quite the catch. 1.5223 0.04511 247 149 67 31
337 CAN YOUR WHORE DO THIS, MICHAEL? 1.5220 0.05470 205 135 33 37
338 If you're lucky, I'll drop just the ball. 1.5219 0.04833 228 141 55 32
339 Quick, pull the tablecloth. 1.5219 0.04502 228 133 71 24
340 When I said we need to do dinner and a show, this isn't exactly what I had in mind! 1.5219 0.04459 228 132 73 23
341 I hope for your sake this isn't a break-up dinner. 1.5217 0.05253 207 132 42 33
342 No, I've never had a "second date." Why do you ask? 1.5217 0.05117 207 129 48 30
343 I've got just one question: Are you feeling lucky today? 1.5217 0.04534 207 117 72 18
344 And you can’t juggle a girlfriend AND an internship? 1.5211 0.04826 213 128 59 26
345 I also enjoy knitting, reading, and walks on the beach. 1.5209 0.04882 215 131 56 28
346 And while no one asked, he continued to explain to her what she was doing wrong… 1.5204 0.05289 196 123 44 29
347 I can juggle everything but life, work and relationships. 1.5202 0.04734 198 114 65 19
348 No big whoop. I have three under the age of five. 1.5200 0.04717 225 136 61 28
349 No riskier than going without a mask! 1.5197 0.04655 229 138 63 28
350 So…do you have any hobbies? 1.5195 0.04666 231 140 62 29
351 Next I want to try juggling a full-time career, babies and knives. 1.5185 0.05082 216 137 46 33
352 It’s still easier than juggling motherhood and a career. 1.5167 0.05080 209 131 48 30
353 Toss me that glass of vodka. 1.5165 0.04656 242 150 59 33
354 I agree--people who check their cell phones during dinner are SO annoying. 1.5164 0.04687 213 126 64 23
355 This is what it is like to be a stay at home parent! 1.5158 0.04471 221 128 72 21
356 ....now, tell me something about yourself. 1.5152 0.04895 198 118 58 22
357 Mostly, I do it to enforce social distancing. 1.5148 0.04769 237 149 54 34
358 ….okay, she looked. She’s finally coming over. Get ready to order! 1.5143 0.05151 210 134 44 32
359 Right now, my work-life balance is up in the air. 1.5140 0.04479 214 123 72 19
360 So you refuse to wear a mask, but this you’re ok with? 1.5122 0.04706 246 156 54 36
361 I know, but if you don't get their attention, they'll never take our order 1.5120 0.04849 209 127 57 25
362 So, what did you learn during the pandemic? 1.5116 0.04883 215 133 54 28
363 Sure is nice to have a night out without having to juggle the baby. 1.5110 0.04970 227 146 46 35
364 Middle Child 1.5102 0.04770 196 115 62 19
365 At the next lesson, they teach us how to stop. 1.5101 0.04726 247 158 52 37
366 It's what women do. 1.5093 0.05033 214 136 47 31
367 No, really... You're interesting, I'm listening. 1.5093 0.04911 216 135 52 29
368 Working. Mom. In a pandemic. 1.5091 0.04756 220 135 58 27
369 I'll count 3, then you toss it back. 1.5080 0.05328 187 118 43 26
370 Can you try getting the waiter’s attention? 1.5077 0.04898 195 117 57 21
371 Now hand me the glass of water. 1.5075 0.04993 201 124 52 25
372 Liberal arts. What about you ? 1.5074 0.04956 203 125 53 25
373 Maybe now you’ll understand what a woman has to do just to make 70 cents on the dollar. 1.5072 0.04754 209 126 60 23
374 Hand me your drink. 1.5071 0.05220 211 138 39 34
375 Your Match profile said you were seeking someone who isn't afraid to take risks and likes to bike. 1.5071 0.05177 211 137 41 33
376 Now toss me a baby. 1.5069 0.05065 217 140 44 33
377 This distracts me from my fear of conversation. So, tell me about yourself. 1.5068 0.04407 219 127 73 19
378 Could you grab the bowling ball? I feel a sneeze coming on. 1.5068 0.04945 219 139 49 31
379 Oh good, I caught the waiter's attention 1.5067 0.04677 225 138 60 27
380 Majored in philosophy. Why do you ask? 1.5057 0.05160 176 106 51 19
381 I just feel really ready to have kids. 1.5055 0.05154 182 111 50 21
382 For my next act, I’ll need a job, two kids, and a dog. But don’t worry: you’ll get all the credit. 1.5055 0.05212 182 112 48 22
383 This helps distract me until the food arrives, so I don't fill up on rolls. 1.5055 0.04850 182 106 60 16
384 It seems awfully risky to eat inside without masks, don't you think? 1.5054 0.05283 184 115 45 24
385 It didn’t use to be so hard to make an impression on a first date. 1.5053 0.04936 190 114 56 20
386 Nah, this is plenty safe. I used to work for the governor. 1.5051 0.05250 198 127 42 29
387 Here's the show. Dinner's on you. 1.5050 0.04721 202 120 62 20
388 I feel like we don’t talk anymore. 1.5050 0.04875 202 123 56 23
389 Some guys find me a bit too much. 1.5049 0.05092 206 131 46 29
390 How about you? Do you have any special talents? 1.5048 0.04737 210 127 60 23
391 It’s a performance piece about my life. The juggled items represent our kids, my job, your mother’s advice and the unicycle is time. You represent yourself waiting for dinner, but don’t get off your ass Sweetie, not unless your chair catches fire. 1.5046 0.05167 216 142 39 35
392 If this doesn't get our server's attention, I'm going to take my clothes off. 1.5042 0.04747 236 150 53 33
393 For my next act, I want you to put an apple on your head. 1.5028 0.05157 179 109 50 20
394 I still feel like I'm not doing enough. 1.5028 0.05096 179 108 52 19
395 So Biff. You gotta ask yourself. Do you feel lucky tonight? 1.5026 0.05177 189 118 47 24
396 I think first dates are always a bit risky. 1.5026 0.04861 191 114 58 19
397 Dating after 40 has gotten so competitive. 1.5025 0.05121 197 124 47 26
398 AND i'm tying a cherry stem with my tongue! 1.5024 0.04862 211 131 54 26
399 Ok, Honey, you've made your point. I agree that being a wife and mother is a lot to juggle. 1.5023 0.04773 219 136 56 27
400 So your profile said you're an investor. That must be exciting. 1.5000 0.05211 190 120 45 25
401 Sure, I learned Portuguese too last year, but when am I ever going to use that? 1.5000 0.05270 182 114 45 23
402 To me, trust is the most important thing in a relationship. 1.5000 0.04913 182 108 57 17
403 Easy. Just don't ask me to try kids and career. 1.5000 0.05129 194 122 47 25
404 My mom never let me run with scissors 1.5000 0.05169 202 130 43 29
405 My hobbies? I like to read and do meditation. Why do you ask? 1.5000 0.05222 176 108 48 20
406 Strangely not my weirdest first date. 1.5000 0.04975 188 114 54 20
407 on the count of 3 toss me a salad 1.5000 0.04896 198 121 55 22
408 The app doesn't count it as steps without the chainsaw. 1.5000 0.05088 188 116 50 22
409 I told you in my profile with me ‘life is a circus’ 1.5000 0.04687 216 132 60 24
410 I'll be your waitress this evening. I'm also a screen writer, actress and circus artist. 1.5000 0.04705 206 124 61 21
411 Oh! I forgot my mask!! 1.4976 0.04954 211 134 49 28
412 See? My life is all about taking stupid risks. But why aren't YOU getting the vaccine? 1.4976 0.04944 209 132 50 27
413 And now you've got to try to pull the tablecloth out from under me. 1.4976 0.05017 205 130 48 27
414 Ok, on three, toss up the glass. 1.4975 0.05197 203 132 41 30
415 I’m just rehearsing for 2022. 1.4975 0.05031 199 125 49 25
416 You think this is dangerous? Try working for Gov. Cuomo. 1.4973 0.05092 185 114 50 21
417 honey just take your meds, before we are asked to leave 1.4971 0.05463 171 108 41 22
418 This helps ensure that I'm socially distanced by 6 feet. 1.4970 0.05382 169 105 44 20
419 So, you were telling me about how you learned to bake bread over quarantine? 1.4963 0.06029 135 84 35 16
420 Of course I also went through the whole banana bread and homemade sourdough thing during lockdown. 1.4958 0.04351 236 142 71 23
421 Still think indoor dining feels safe? 1.4951 0.04655 206 124 62 20
422 I mean it...toss me the glass 1.4951 0.04789 204 125 57 22
423 First it was puzzles. Then sourdough starter. And one thing led to another. 1.4948 0.05274 192 124 41 27
424 This is nothing compared to being a single mom. 1.4947 0.05031 188 116 51 21
425 Enough about me. 1.4945 0.04974 182 110 54 18
426 So,this is what it takes to be the first woman governor of New York. 1.4944 0.05543 180 118 35 27
427 The only trick I haven't mastered is how to stop doing this once I've started 1.4944 0.05372 180 115 41 24
428 Your profile didn’t say anything about a bowling ball… 1.4944 0.04927 178 106 56 16
429 I can do it in heels, but I didn’t want to be a showoff. 1.4943 0.05160 176 108 49 19
430 Don’t worry, I’m Canadian so my healthcare is free. 1.4939 0.05367 164 101 45 18
431 It's actually safer than being an anti-vaxer 1.4925 0.05092 201 129 45 27
432 But, really, tell me about yourself. 1.4921 0.05011 189 117 51 21
433 Marry me, Ted. I'm a good catch." 1.4912 0.05462 171 109 40 22
434 I'm nervous. This is the first time I've done this without a mask. 1.4911 0.05316 169 105 45 19
435 One of these represents our current relationship status. Care to guess which one? 1.4910 0.05363 167 104 44 19
436 So,do I get the job? 1.4903 0.04603 206 124 63 19
437 Yes, I'm a single working mom. How can you tell? 1.4899 0.04895 198 123 53 22
438 This is a nice break from kids, job, laundry and soccer practice. 1.4899 0.05200 198 129 41 28
439 I can't put my finger on why, but I just think we're incompatible. 1.4895 0.04763 190 114 59 17
440 Still easier than covid homeschooling 1.4894 0.04568 235 148 59 28
441 Can you pass the salt? 1.4892 0.04955 186 114 53 19
442 Honestly, this is much easier than being married to you. 1.4891 0.05339 184 119 40 25
443 I swear I will never say "just drop it" again 1.4891 0.05053 184 114 50 20
444 Wait until you see what I do on the third date. 1.4887 0.04740 221 140 54 27
445 I wasn’t kidding when I said I have a lot to juggle in life 1.4884 0.05311 172 108 44 20
446 I used to do this in heels. 1.4882 0.05358 170 107 43 20
447 Now kiss me. 1.4881 0.05536 168 108 38 22
448 This is all I was really qualified for after law school 1.4880 0.05108 166 100 51 15
449 Okay, now hand me the water. 1.4874 0.05031 199 127 47 25
450 I normally don't perform on a first date 1.4873 0.05138 158 94 51 13
451 I'm also a single mom. 1.4873 0.04966 197 124 50 23
452 Oh,this is easy. I’m a working mom! 1.4870 0.04989 193 121 50 22
453 Now do you believe that I can handle your family? 1.4868 0.05177 189 121 44 24
454 Did I mention I'm also a single mom? 1.4865 0.04893 222 145 46 31
455 It was either this or work from home. 1.4863 0.04831 183 110 57 16
456 You think this is dangerous? You're not even wearing a mask. 1.4861 0.04639 216 134 59 23
457 So what do you think now? Am I ready to have kids? 1.4857 0.05367 175 112 41 22
458 This really isn’t necessary, Sarah. You had me at “hello.” 1.4855 0.05094 173 106 50 17
459 If this doesn’t get the waiter’s attention, I’m out of here! 1.4852 0.05249 169 105 46 18
460 Thanks for asking. What are your hobbies? 1.4850 0.04869 167 98 57 12
461 Ok, he’s coming over. Be ready to order. 1.4850 0.05160 200 131 41 28
462 At least you didn’t make me jump through any hoops. 1.4840 0.04858 188 115 55 18
463 No Kyle, sex isn’t on the table… I’m juggling quite a lot already 1.4837 0.06228 153 105 22 26
464 This is nothing… wait till you see me do work, children, and active social life. 1.4831 0.05238 178 113 44 21
465 Honey, I think it would be safer if you were wearing a mask. 1.4829 0.04853 234 156 43 35
466 Toss me your drink anytime. 1.4824 0.05022 170 103 52 15
467 Don’t judge me till the evening gown segment of our date. 1.4824 0.05422 170 109 40 21
468 No, not right off the bat. I actually started with just a fidget spinner. 1.4821 0.05338 168 106 43 19
469 Throw me your water glass. 1.4821 0.05599 168 110 35 23
470 Sorry, I never use a blindfold on a first date. 1.4815 0.05484 162 103 40 19
471 So, what did YOU learn to do during the lockdown? 1.4813 0.05217 187 121 42 24
472 See – not all Tinder bios tell lies 1.4812 0.05243 160 98 47 15
473 … this is easier than being around your mother. 1.4812 0.05606 160 103 37 20
474 If you can just pick up your glass, we can call that “doing your half.” 1.4809 0.05304 183 119 40 24
475 Online dating is just a lot more competitive now. 1.4808 0.05641 156 100 37 19
476 I think a relationship would be too much to juggle right now. 1.4804 0.04985 204 132 46 26
477 Can't we just go back to making sourdough bread? 1.4803 0.05360 152 93 45 14
478 Throw me that glass of water. 1.4800 0.05574 150 94 40 16
479 I just have a lot of things in the air right now. 1.4800 0.05179 175 110 46 19
480 Did you pick up any hobbies during quarantine? 1.4800 0.05179 175 110 46 19
481 You won't believe how many people also expect me to catch this stuff on the way down. 1.4800 0.05305 175 112 42 21
482 Oh did you think that line in my profile was a joke? 1.4800 0.05115 175 109 48 18
483 This is my break-up routine. 1.4798 0.05158 173 108 47 18
484 Now, hand me the glass. 1.4790 0.05155 167 103 48 16
485 My last date said I was trying too hard to impress him, so I ditched my signature blindfold. 1.4788 0.05409 165 105 41 19
486 You still think I'm unbalanced? 1.4788 0.05477 165 106 39 20
487 I usually don’t go all the way like this in the first date. 1.4788 0.04908 165 98 55 12
488 Enough about me. What do YOU like to do? 1.4783 0.05293 161 100 45 16
489 I usually save this for the second date. 1.4780 0.05113 159 96 50 13
490 I'm not like other girls 1.4780 0.05341 159 99 44 16
491 My shrink thinks I have a fear of intimacy that leads me to keep everyone at a safe distance. 1.4778 0.05073 180 113 48 19
492 At least I’m not a mime. 1.4777 0.05686 157 102 35 20
493 I always try to be myself on a first date. 1.4775 0.04989 178 110 51 17
494 Why yes, I am, a working Mom. How did you guess? 1.4770 0.05005 174 107 51 16
495 Dangerous? I wasn't feeling endangered until you told me you're not vaccinated. 1.4767 0.04932 193 122 50 21
496 I think I finally got the waiter's attention. 1.4765 0.05224 170 107 45 18
497 So, now I know I’m ready for kids. You? 1.4759 0.05452 166 107 39 20
498 Did I mention I also went to Harvard. 1.4753 0.05341 162 102 43 17
499 Do I have your full attention now? 1.4753 0.05121 162 99 49 14
500 Doug couldn’t shake the feeling that his blind date was a bit desperate. 1.4749 0.04591 219 138 58 23
501 It's just a fun little party trick I picked up in the third grade. So, what's a fun fact about you? 1.4747 0.05135 158 96 49 13
502 Quick, toss me the baby. 1.4747 0.05586 158 102 37 19
503 Thanks for coming. I just feel like such a spectacle dining alone 1.4747 0.05658 158 103 35 20
504 See,I told you I am good at juggling life. 1.4743 0.05303 175 113 41 21
505 If my phone rings, please pick it up. 1.4742 0.04747 194 120 56 18
506 Did I tell you about my ADHD? 1.4740 0.05025 173 107 50 16
507 I'm just practicing for motherhood. 1.4737 0.05332 171 110 41 20
508 True, but for the life of me, I can't balance my checkbook. 1.4733 0.05652 150 96 37 17
509 My previous relationships all ended at the emergency room. 1.4732 0.04868 205 132 49 24
510 I’ve too often been criticized for always playing it safe on first dates 1.4730 0.05461 148 92 42 14
511 So what did you do with YOUR free time during the pandemic? 1.4725 0.05030 182 115 48 19
512 Okay, and now I remove my bra without taking off my blouse. 1.4724 0.05728 163 109 31 23
513 I forgot to list my hobbies in the dating app. 1.4724 0.05172 163 101 47 15
514 I just wanted to give you a demo of what motherhood in the pandemic feels like. 1.4724 0.05594 163 107 35 21
515 To be honest, friends say I try too hard to impress. 1.4724 0.04661 199 123 58 18
516 When Harry met side show Sally. 1.4719 0.05236 178 115 42 21
517 AND, I'm the mother of your children! 1.4717 0.05630 159 104 35 20
518 You were right; it is better without the blindfold. 1.4717 0.05559 159 103 37 19
519 This is nothing. My other job is Stay-At-Home Mom. 1.4716 0.05341 176 115 39 22
520 I already mastered sourdough. 1.4713 0.05235 157 97 46 14
521 Really? I never have a problem getting the waiter's attention. 1.4713 0.05069 174 109 48 17
522 No really, tell me how tough the past year and a half has been for you. 1.4709 0.04977 172 106 51 15
523 I'll take "truth" next time! 1.4709 0.05308 172 111 41 20
524 I haven't done this before, so you might want to move your glass. 1.4706 0.05482 170 112 36 22
525 It was at that moment that he realized that his wife was juggling too much” ☠ 1.4706 0.05608 170 114 32 24
526 Yes, I've tried a fidget spinner. 1.4702 0.05401 168 109 39 20
527 See? You went five whole seconds without glancing at the football game over my shoulder. 1.4699 0.05382 166 107 40 19
528 Beth subtly makes her point about the many demands on today’s woman. 1.4693 0.05273 179 117 40 22
529 This is easy. Try balancing work and family. 1.4692 0.04995 211 141 41 29
530 I had a lot of spare time during Covid… 1.4690 0.05711 145 93 36 16
531 The special today is... duck! 1.4688 0.05602 160 105 35 20
532 I'm a nuclear physicist. I do this to unwind. 1.4685 0.05508 143 89 41 13
533 So much for Match.com 1.4680 0.04594 203 126 59 18
534 Is this your first time using Jugglr? 1.4679 0.05563 156 101 37 18
535 I hope you don't think I'm coming on too strong for a first date. 1.4679 0.05336 156 98 43 15
536 Oh, this is fine. Next week I go back to zoom schooling my kindergartener while working full time. 1.4679 0.05489 156 100 39 17
537 Very impressive, Susan, but do you also mind working remotely and homeschooling our kids during a global pandemic? 1.4678 0.05132 171 108 46 17
538 Any sign of the waiter? 1.4675 0.05464 154 98 40 16
539 By the look on your face when you said 'Let's do something crazy!' ... Im now thinking you meant order dessert... or have an extra bottle of wine...??! 1.4671 0.05221 167 106 44 17
540 Don't worry; I won't drop the ball. 1.4670 0.05265 182 120 39 23
541 It pays better and is less dangerous than waitressing. 1.4667 0.05130 180 116 44 20
542 Sure, she spoke four languages, was a neurosurgeon by day, and had the face of a model. But as Dave watched the woman ten years his junior perform amazing circus tricks to keep his attention, he couldn’t help but notice that her body was merely a 7. 1.4667 0.05958 150 101 28 21
543 I think the wait staff sees me now" 1.4663 0.04818 193 122 52 19
544 I admit, cultivating these skills made more sense during lockdown. 1.4658 0.05064 161 99 49 13
545 If I was too drunk to drive, could I do this? 1.4658 0.05362 161 103 41 17
546 That’s impressive honey, but can we go ahead and order? 1.4658 0.05426 146 91 42 13
547 This is a metaphor for parenting. 1.4658 0.05681 146 94 36 16
548 This is how we teachers are getting ready for the new school year. 1.4655 0.05067 174 110 47 17
549 Anyway, those are the specials 1.4654 0.05698 159 106 32 21
550 I learned to make a pretty nice sourdough. Oh, also I got a dog! 1.4648 0.05534 142 89 40 13
551 Very impressive, Julie, but those skills still only earn you $0.82 to my $1.00. 1.4643 0.05530 168 112 34 22
552 Would you like to go bowling after dinner or cut down a tree? 1.4638 0.05741 138 88 36 14
553 just like January 6th honey , you can be a circus clown and a domestic terrorist at the same time. 1.4635 0.05163 192 128 39 25
554 Glenn knew she was out of his league before the unicycle hit the table. 1.4632 0.05041 190 124 44 22
555 In one smooth motion, whisk away the tablecloth. 1.4630 0.05191 162 102 45 15
556 I like a little balance in my life. 1.4630 0.05041 162 100 49 13
557 So what's YOUR hobby? 1.4629 0.04980 175 110 49 16
558 Speed dating is getting so competitive! 1.4625 0.05600 160 106 34 20
559 You know what they say, "Go for the juggler." 1.4624 0.05407 173 115 36 22
560 Maybe you're right- a baby right now might be one thing too many. 1.4624 0.05218 173 112 42 19
561 COVID may have prevented me from dating .. but I perfected this for when lockdowns ended. 1.4624 0.04707 186 115 56 15
562 That’s enough about me. What exactly to YOU bring to the table? 1.4620 0.05360 158 101 41 16
563 Yeah, so I don't feel comfortable talking about why I've had so few second dates. 1.4620 0.05455 171 114 35 22
564 Tell me more about your thrilling accounting job. 1.4620 0.05197 171 110 43 18
565 Ok, now climb on my shoulders. 1.4615 0.05681 143 92 36 15
566 Thanks for finally putting your phone away. 1.4615 0.05241 169 109 42 18
567 Yes, I'm a professional and a single mom. How did you know? 1.4611 0.05306 180 120 37 23
568 So, what do you bring to the table? 1.4610 0.05461 154 99 39 16
569 Oh, crap, not again! I always end up doing this when I meet someone I like. 1.4610 0.05999 141 94 29 18
570 My therapist says that I don't need to try so hard to please others, but I don't know... 1.4604 0.05710 139 89 36 14
571 I just feel like I'm doing all the work in this relationship. 1.4604 0.04867 202 132 47 23
572 Yes, I can chew gum also. 1.4601 0.05093 163 102 47 14
573 When you said you were juggling a lot right now, I assumed you were talking about your life. 1.4596 0.05431 161 105 38 18
574 Sorry, I thought your profile said you were a jogger. 1.4595 0.04673 222 146 50 26
575 What I learned on my Pandemic "vacation" 1.4593 0.04763 172 105 55 12
576 Now do you believe I can multitask? 1.4591 0.05625 159 106 33 20
577 It’s actually easier than juggling my personal responsibilities” 1.4591 0.05106 159 99 47 13
578 I guess that extra pot of coffee did have an effect. 1.4588 0.05013 170 107 48 15
579 Are you kidding? This is nothing for a single mom of 4. 1.4588 0.05284 170 111 40 19
580 ready for a lap dance? 1.4586 0.06270 133 90 25 18
581 You're staring...is there something in my teeth? 1.4586 0.05699 133 84 37 12
582 How did you guess I'm a single mom with three children? 1.4586 0.05606 157 104 34 19
583 Working mother trying to explain her life to husband…… 1.4575 0.05326 153 97 42 14
584 This is so embarrassing, I forgot my bowling pin. 1.4575 0.05245 153 96 44 13
585 Not even a smile? Tough room. 1.4573 0.04843 164 100 53 11
586 What do you mean " what do i do for an encore "? 1.4570 0.05617 151 99 35 17
587 Get out your phone. I dare you. 1.4570 0.05376 151 96 41 14
588 Damn! Is that my cellphone? 1.4565 0.05738 138 89 35 14
589 Now that I have your attention, Get your Covid shot. 1.4565 0.05919 138 91 31 16
590 There's no Olympic event for this yet, but I like to keep in practice. 1.4565 0.05454 138 86 41 11
591 See, I was NOT lying in my profile. 1.4564 0.05511 149 96 38 15
592 You want me to really blow your mind? Pass me your Gin and Tonic. 1.4563 0.05455 160 105 37 18
593 I've lived through a pandemic. It's hard to impress me any more. 1.4556 0.04748 180 112 54 14
594 we don't do lap dances anymore 1.4552 0.05956 134 88 31 15
595 I'd be happy to split the check... 1.4552 0.05861 134 87 33 14
596 Online dating has become such a circus these days 1.4551 0.05252 156 99 43 14
597 Sorry, I do this when I'm nervous. 1.4545 0.05468 165 110 35 20
598 Well, you don't exactly look like your profile photo either. 1.4540 0.05015 163 102 48 13
599 I'm leaving you to join the circus. 1.4539 0.05666 152 101 33 18
600 If you think this is hard, you should try fighting the patiarchy! 1.4539 0.05510 152 99 37 16
601 I’m pretty sure I asked for a lap dance. 1.4538 0.06471 130 90 21 19
602 I can still feel you undressing me with your eyes. 1.4533 0.05563 150 98 36 16
603 Do you think he’ll bring the menus now? 1.4526 0.05672 137 88 36 13
604 It’s way easier than juggling career, marriage, and motherhood. 1.4524 0.05394 168 112 36 20
605 I can also do a job and two kids 1.4521 0.05505 146 94 38 14
606 ...and I have no children, I own my home, and my credit score is phenomenal! 1.4521 0.05331 146 92 42 12
607 This is nothing compared with the daily challenges associated with being born with two X chromosomes. 1.4521 0.05919 146 99 28 19
608 Relax! There’s no gravity in a cartoon. 1.4516 0.05353 155 100 40 15
609 What’s it going to take to get this waiter’s attention? 1.4514 0.05560 144 93 37 14
610 And that's when I decided the vaccine just isn't safe. 1.4512 0.05283 164 107 40 17
611 I want a guy who won't feel threatened by my talent. 1.4510 0.05560 153 101 35 17
612 Same ol' same ol'! How 'bout you? 1.4507 0.05791 142 94 32 16
613 Well, I don’t see YOU doing anything to spice up the relationship. 1.4507 0.05527 142 91 38 13
614 I still can't get the waiter's attention. 1.4506 0.05034 162 102 47 13
615 'But can she do this? 1.4500 0.05078 160 101 46 13
616 What I really want to do is direct. 1.4500 0.04840 160 98 52 10
617 Next time I think we should get a table outside. 1.4497 0.05167 149 93 45 11
618 Your dating profile said you liked someone who could multitask! 1.4494 0.05103 178 117 42 19
619 My mom was a multitasker and my dad was a jack of all trades. 1.4494 0.05428 158 104 37 17
620 Toss me the breast pump. 1.4490 0.05886 147 100 28 19
621 It's great for enforcing social distancing. 1.4488 0.05885 127 82 33 12
622 As you can see, I bring a lot of skills to the table. 1.4487 0.05403 156 102 38 16
623 Can you throw me the menu? 1.4483 0.05530 145 94 37 14
624 It was either this or elementary school bus driver and this seemed less dangerous. 1.4483 0.05443 145 93 39 13
625 This is nothing, try juggling three teenagers! 1.4478 0.06138 134 91 26 17
626 So, just to summarize this little demonstration, it’s your turn to take care of the kids, Justin. 1.4474 0.05888 152 105 26 21
627 You have to get creative since women’s clothes rarely have pockets 1.4472 0.05704 161 111 28 22
628 I told you before I agreed to this date that I was juggling a lot. 1.4471 0.05211 170 112 40 18
629 I'm sorry, but the stripper is off tonight. 1.4460 0.05792 139 92 32 15
630 Now do I get a 20% tip? 1.4459 0.05376 157 103 38 16
631 I finally just said ‘the hell with the whole mindfulness thing.’ 1.4459 0.05814 157 109 26 22
632 You seem distracted. 1.4453 0.05525 128 80 39 9
633 I don’t know why you thought I was lying about this in my dating profile 1.4453 0.05667 137 89 35 13
634 Well, ADHD, but otherwise nothing. 1.4452 0.05326 146 93 41 12
635 This is a lot easier than juggling motherhood and a career. 1.4452 0.05237 146 92 43 11
636 This is nothing! You should have seen what they had me do at my last job interview! 1.4452 0.05146 146 91 45 10
637 Next, I need you to pull the table cloth out from under me 1.4444 0.05318 153 99 40 14
638 And not only that, there's a load of laundry in the wash. 1.4437 0.05116 151 95 45 11
639 It’s a living… for now 1.4437 0.05530 151 100 35 16
640 Do you think that we should have washed the dishes instead? 1.4437 0.05873 142 96 29 17
641 I’d say I am ready for parenting 1.4437 0.05612 142 93 35 14
642 Yes, I do get nervous on first dates. Why do you ask? 1.4436 0.05588 133 85 37 11
643 I think I got our waiter’s attention, Mickey. Toss me your wallet. 1.4422 0.05640 147 98 33 16
644 I just feel like I'm working much harder in this relationship." 1.4417 0.06126 120 79 29 12
645 If I can do this at dinner, imagine what I can do in the bedroom 1.4416 0.05371 154 101 38 15
646 I’ve learned a lot about myself during quarantine. 1.4416 0.05129 154 98 44 12
647 Sandy gradually learned a few tricks to help her stand out in the speed dating pool. 1.4414 0.05438 145 94 38 13
648 I'm a single mom with two kids and a full-time job....THIS is easy! 1.4414 0.05526 145 95 36 14
649 I can't believe you haven't looked at your phone for like 3 whole minutes 1.4412 0.05500 136 87 38 11
650 Your ad said you liked women who take risks. 1.4408 0.05175 152 97 43 12
651 Yes I’m a mom! How did you know that? 1.4408 0.05422 152 100 37 15
652 And for my next trick, I'm going to make our relationship disappear. 1.4406 0.06006 143 99 25 19
653 If I shout “duck”, it’s not about the daily special. 1.4400 0.05836 125 81 33 11
654 Since you claim to be more of a ‘visual’ learner, I thought this would help explain how my day was. 1.4400 0.05391 150 98 38 14
655 I learned this from my mother. She had six kids. 1.4394 0.06013 132 89 28 15
656 If you can catch just one, I'll pick up the check. 1.4390 0.05789 123 79 34 10
657 I’m sorry, Brian. I just have a lot going on in my life right now. 1.4386 0.04911 171 110 47 14
658 Not much. What did you do during the lockdown? 1.4384 0.05496 146 96 36 14
659 Let me guess, middle child? 1.4379 0.05314 153 100 39 14
660 Throw me a kiss. 1.4379 0.05628 153 104 31 18
661 And this is how I became a widow. 1.4375 0.05462 144 94 37 13
662 I was attracted to your online profile, referring to your life these past few years as a juggling act. 1.4367 0.04871 158 99 49 10
663 I swear, nothing impresses you anymore. 1.4367 0.05269 158 104 39 15
664 You say I can't juggle both children and a career . . . so I'll probably drop something, eh? 1.4366 0.05606 142 94 34 14
665 Normally I wouldn’t do this on the first date. 1.4359 0.05394 156 104 36 16
666 Now that I have your full attention, let me tell you about our specials for today. 1.4357 0.05664 140 93 33 14
667 I told you I had to juggle a few things when you asked me out. 1.4351 0.05123 154 99 43 12
668 And that’s just a little about me. Tell me about you. 1.4345 0.04973 145 90 47 8
669 And I still only earn 84 cents to your dollar. 1.4342 0.05575 152 103 32 17
670 ‘I wouldn’t have to do this if they would just pass the $25 minimum wage’ 1.4341 0.05486 129 82 38 9
671 Wow Janice, that year and a half stuck indoors has really paid off for you. 1.4338 0.05493 136 88 37 11
672 I know it wasn't on my Tinder profile but I always like to go the extra mile 1.4337 0.04863 166 106 48 12
673 My other talent is running with scissors 1.4331 0.06183 127 87 25 15
674 I preferred it when you had to sing for your supper. 1.4326 0.05355 141 91 39 11
675 Normally, I save the chainsaw for the second date. 1.4326 0.05721 141 95 31 15
676 Now that I have your attention, I'm pregnant 1.4324 0.05845 148 103 26 19
677 This is still safer than skipping the vaccine. 1.4324 0.05766 148 102 28 18
678 Of course I have time to shop for your mothers birthday gift! 1.4324 0.05604 148 100 32 16
679 No, I’d love to hear about your podcast. 1.4324 0.05088 148 94 44 10
680 I thought you might like dinner and a show. 1.4320 0.05368 125 78 40 7
681 Your bio said brown hair 1.4317 0.05597 139 92 34 13
682 No mask? How risky. 1.4314 0.05389 153 102 36 15
683 Okay, now show me your tablecloth trick! 1.4309 0.06226 123 84 25 14
684 I tell ya, dating in your 40s is a real circus! 1.4307 0.05262 137 87 41 9
685 Dad, this is my way of telling you I'm dropping out of law school. 1.4305 0.05520 151 102 33 16
686 I didn't mention it in my profile because some men find it intimidating. 1.4304 0.05264 158 105 38 15
687 Woops! 1.4297 0.05941 128 86 29 13
688 This one is called "Working from Home with Toddlers." 1.4297 0.06043 128 87 27 14
689 I am trying to let you know that I am pregnant! 1.4297 0.05836 128 85 31 12
690 Of course I'm vaccinated. I wouldn't put myself in a really dangerous situation. 1.4297 0.05941 128 86 29 13
691 Now tell me, Jim. What did YOU do during the COVID shut-down? 1.4297 0.06043 128 87 27 14
692 These sobriety test are getting a little ridiculous. 1.4296 0.05905 135 92 28 15
693 You’re probably asking yourself “But can she balance the responsibilities of a committed relationship?” 1.4296 0.05617 135 89 34 12
694 For my next trick I'll be trying to survive on the wages I make from working here 1.4296 0.05998 135 93 26 16
695 When I stop, get the hell out of the way. 1.4296 0.05419 142 93 37 12
696 Hang on - I'll tell you when to toss me the glass. 1.4296 0.05689 142 96 31 15
697 This is what I bring to the table... show me what you got? 1.4295 0.05238 149 97 40 12
698 I'm also a vegan. 1.4295 0.05574 149 101 32 16
699 I feel like I can just be myself with you. 1.4286 0.05287 147 96 39 12
700 When you described yourself as an "exhibitionist" I was imagining something else... 1.4286 0.05874 133 90 29 14
701 Couldn't go out on a date during COVID, but I managed to pick up some skills while I was quarantining at home. 1.4286 0.06008 126 85 28 13
702 So your dating profile mentioned wanted a girl who could juggle several tasks at once. Does this qualify? 1.4286 0.05281 154 102 38 14
703 I’m not sure how else to prove I’ll be a good mother. 1.4286 0.06113 126 86 26 14
704 Is because you heard I did tricks the only reason you asked me out? 1.4286 0.05951 147 104 23 20
705 This is what modern feminism looks like 1.4286 0.05282 140 90 40 10
706 What Else? Throw me my chair. 1.4276 0.05338 145 95 38 12
707 I used to be a nurse, but it was too dangerous. 1.4276 0.05600 145 98 32 15
708 "I'm auditioning to be your busy suburban wife and mother of 3." 1.4276 0.05600 145 98 32 15
709 You are lucky, Joe. This usually happens only on my third date. 1.4276 0.05338 145 95 38 12
710 I guess it was wrong of me to think breaking up with you in public would prevent you from making a scene. 1.4275 0.05939 131 89 28 14
711 And I'm fully vaccinated! 1.4274 0.05745 124 81 33 10
712 I do not need a partner, I need an audience. 1.4266 0.05657 143 97 31 15
713 Bill had a different picture in mind when he saw that the new club had "table-dancing." 1.4266 0.05569 143 96 33 14
714 Now are you out of your comfort zone? 1.4265 0.05386 136 88 38 10
715 Nah. Risky would be telling me to add in a smile. 1.4265 0.06053 136 95 24 17
716 Sorry, I feel like I've been talking about myself all night. 1.4262 0.05693 122 79 34 9
717 This is nothing compared to being a mother 1.4254 0.05643 134 89 33 12
718 Topless is extra 1.4252 0.06176 127 88 24 15
719 It was either clown college or law school 1.4250 0.06445 120 84 21 15
720 Sure, George. I’ll put the kids to bed, too. 1.4250 0.06336 120 83 23 14
721 So after I mastered the sour dough....... 1.4247 0.05309 146 96 38 12
722 I used the lockdown to hone some new skills, how about you? 1.4242 0.05703 132 88 32 12
723 No problem. I'm a woman. 1.4242 0.05703 132 88 32 12
724 I guess indoor dining without masks is still dangerous. 1.4242 0.05601 132 87 34 11
725 Yes, I will forgive your infidelity—if you can catch the chainsaw and toss it back without severing your arm. 1.4241 0.05557 158 110 29 19
726 I'm practicing for parenthood. 1.4239 0.05022 184 126 38 20
727 I also have a law degree. 1.4236 0.05711 144 99 29 16
728 ...but I don't cook. 1.4234 0.05356 137 89 38 10
729 Sweetheart, could you run to the store and buy an axe for me please? 1.4234 0.05255 137 88 40 9
730 I then I have to juggle you and the kids. 1.4234 0.05743 137 93 30 14
731 This all seems pretty dangerous … I’d really be more comfortable if you’d put on your mask 1.4233 0.05428 163 113 31 19
732 COVID wasn't a complete waste of time. 1.4231 0.06067 130 90 25 15
733 I learned this during quarantine. But really, tell me more about your sourdough! 1.4231 0.05765 130 87 31 12
734 It's the plate spinning they frown on. 1.4231 0.05335 130 83 39 8
735 You're drinking tap water? Don't you know how dangerous that is? 1.4228 0.05486 149 101 33 15
736 This? This is easy. I'm a teacher. 1.4228 0.05568 149 102 31 16
737 As the marriage counselor said, keep your husband entertained. 1.4228 0.06110 123 84 26 13
738 Don't worry. I almost got a bronze. 1.4225 0.05128 142 91 42 9
739 All I asked was how you juggle work and play!” 1.4215 0.05839 121 80 31 10
740 This is what I mean by spicing up our dinners out. 1.4215 0.05956 121 81 29 11
741 I think first dates are always risky 1.4207 0.05508 145 98 33 14
742 As a present, I'd like to give you this unique and special opportunity to mansplain juggling to me. 1.4207 0.05508 145 98 33 14
743 Ok,now pass me the water glass 1.4206 0.05894 126 85 29 12
744 I guess I'm just looking for a guy who doesn't make me jump through hoops, you know? 1.4206 0.05561 126 82 35 9
745 Safer than going unvaccinated! 1.4204 0.05279 157 106 36 15
746 Stability is very important to me in a relationship 1.4203 0.05892 138 96 26 16
747 It's terrific that restaurants are safe again. 1.4202 0.05660 119 77 34 8
748 All right, I’ll help with the kids and housework. 1.4202 0.05785 119 78 32 9
749 Whatever you do, don't make me laugh! 1.4202 0.05785 119 78 32 9
750 So, what have you been doing with your time during the lockdown? 1.4200 0.05205 150 99 39 12
751 I think you'll agree that compared to this married life should be easy. 1.4200 0.05205 150 99 39 12
752 It's not much, but I've gotta save something for the second date. 1.4198 0.05730 131 88 31 12
753 Without a condom, are you nuts? 1.4194 0.05850 124 83 30 11
754 Along the same lines, I’m also not vaccinated! 1.4194 0.06282 124 87 22 15
755 Anyway it's not a big deal, tell me more about your record collection! 1.4191 0.05276 136 88 39 9
756 Could you pass me a glass of water? 1.4191 0.05577 136 91 33 12
757 Deciding which one to drop is more stressful than continuing to juggle 1.4191 0.05577 136 91 33 12
758 I hate small talk. 1.4188 0.05595 117 75 35 7
759 I came prepared for a lull in the conversation. 1.4188 0.05852 117 77 31 9
760 My profile did say “well balanced risk taker”. 1.4184 0.05618 141 96 31 14
761 On my dating profile , I did write I had several things up in the air at this time. 1.4183 0.04961 153 99 44 10
762 I’m not comfortable with this— it’s very unsafe. Why aren’t you wearing a mask? 1.4183 0.05214 153 102 38 13
763 Hand me the glass 1.4182 0.05972 110 72 30 8
764 Yes, Todd. I *did* notice that you emptied the dishwasher. Thank you *so much*. 1.4179 0.05927 134 93 26 15
765 The hand sanitiser was a mistake 1.4174 0.06296 115 79 24 12
766 I killed a lot of people before I got this next part right. 1.4173 0.05856 127 86 29 12
767 Honey, have you seen my blindfold? 1.4173 0.05413 127 82 37 8
768 But enough about me... 1.4167 0.05986 120 81 28 11
769 My day? You Know. The usual. Yours? 1.4167 0.05695 132 89 31 12
770 Once you've raised triplets, everything else is easy. 1.4167 0.05382 132 86 37 9
771 What is it like to be a single mom? Here's a short demonstration... 1.4167 0.05992 132 92 25 15
772 You want hard, try single, a minimum wage job, and three kids. 1.4160 0.05923 125 85 28 12
773 Can you hand me that glass of water please? 1.4160 0.05586 125 82 34 9
774 Now just imagine what I can do in bed! 1.4160 0.05813 125 84 30 11
775 Cool, right??!! Tinder cropped out the torch and chainsaw on my profile pic 1.4155 0.05496 142 96 33 13
776 ….: and I also like taking long walks and little puppies. 1.4154 0.05859 130 89 28 13
777 found knitting during lockdown too boring! 1.4154 0.05756 130 88 30 12
778 So how was your nearly one-dimensional, staring at a screen all day day? Honey. 1.4148 0.05502 135 90 34 11
779 When I asked for a booth and a private show this isn't what I had in mind. 1.4146 0.05764 123 82 31 10
780 Now let’s add the baby! 1.4146 0.06316 123 87 21 15
781 Oh, this? I’ve taken up juggling to sharpen my skills as mother, spouse, daughter and bread winner! 1.4146 0.05764 123 82 31 10
782 So then I decided to get a second degree from Harvard 1.4143 0.05363 140 93 36 11
783 I see, so you're looking for a woman who has her own career, wants at least three children, and is ok doing more than half of the housework. And what would you bring to the relationship? 1.4141 0.05604 128 85 33 10
784 You think this is hard? Try having teenagers. 1.4138 0.05413 145 98 34 13
785 All this is to say I really don’t think I can also juggle a relationship right now. 1.4138 0.05587 145 100 30 15
786 And yet,somehow,the mansplaining continues. 1.4138 0.06714 116 84 16 16
787 So tonight was just all an act?" 1.4138 0.05881 116 77 30 9
788 Backwards and in heels wasn't conveying over zoom 1.4135 0.05858 133 92 27 14
789 I'm sorry, am I boring you? 1.4132 0.05946 121 82 28 11
790 And I make a great lasagna. 1.4130 0.05513 138 93 33 12
791 Can you see why it's hard for me to sympathize when you complain about juggling home and work life? 1.4130 0.05608 138 94 31 13
792 And you in the front row, where are you from? 1.4127 0.05885 126 86 28 12
793 After 18 months of quarantine, Eleanor was determined her first date night out would leave an impression. Or a scar. 1.4127 0.05551 126 83 34 9
794 It’s not you,it’s definitely me. 1.4127 0.05776 126 85 30 11
795 Your dating profile said you could juggle four items 1.4127 0.05992 126 87 26 13
796 According to Fox News, this is more efficient than masks” 1.4123 0.06080 114 77 27 10
797 OK ... throw me the baby and in six weeks we'll try to add in the career. 1.4122 0.05332 148 100 35 13
798 It's a skill I picked up working for the Trump Organizaton. 1.4118 0.06016 119 81 27 11
799 And now you want me to add a baby? 1.4113 0.05727 124 83 31 10
800 I spent the pandemic learning to be approachable but edgy. 1.4113 0.05840 124 84 29 11
801 I am woman… 1.4112 0.06499 107 74 22 11
802 And yet I still get paid less than you. 1.4109 0.06089 129 91 23 15
803 I’m glad I was able to juggle things around to have lunch with you. 1.4107 0.05888 112 74 30 8
804 You know what DOES scare me? You're not six feet away! 1.4104 0.05823 134 93 27 14
805 Would you hand me the water? 1.4104 0.05918 134 94 25 15
806 You’re doing it wrong. 1.4104 0.05918 134 94 25 15
807 Ok you had a busier day than I did 1.4091 0.05960 110 73 29 8
808 Imagine what I can do on our second date! 1.4091 0.05479 132 88 34 10
809 So, yeah, I can juggle family and a career. 1.4088 0.05911 137 97 24 16
810 I told you, I don’t need a man to complete me. Just an audience 1.4088 0.05536 137 93 32 12
811 I just don’t trust the vaccine 1.4087 0.05780 115 76 31 8
812 I can also breastfeed and cook while doing it 1.4087 0.06285 115 80 23 12
813 To be safe you should wear a mask. 1.4085 0.05303 142 95 36 11
814 When I say "now" toss me that glass of nitro. 1.4083 0.06317 120 85 21 14
815 Just a tossed salad for me. 1.4080 0.05691 125 84 31 10
816 It's great for social distancing. 1.4077 0.05536 130 87 33 10
817 I've only dropped the ball once! 1.4077 0.05536 130 87 33 10
818 Oh, didn’t I menton this in my profile. 1.4071 0.05847 113 75 30 8
819 Sorry, I can be a real fidgeter on dates--nervous energy and all that. Hey, do you have a scimitar? 1.4065 0.06200 123 87 22 14
820 Help! I'm becoming my mother! 1.4065 0.06200 123 87 22 14
821 Wait until you see what I do in bed... 1.4065 0.06091 123 86 24 13
822 "I also teach pilates. 1.4062 0.05915 128 89 26 13
823 I'm also juggling with a student loan,rent and the increasing gender pay gap. 1.4060 0.06135 133 96 20 17
824 Just sit there and do nothing, as always. 1.4060 0.05652 133 91 30 12
825 This is what my resume meant by versatile! 1.4060 0.05233 133 87 38 8
826 3.1415926535897932384626… 1.4059 0.06627 101 70 21 10
827 And this is just the amouse bouche. 1.4059 0.06163 101 67 27 7
828 Hold your questions until the end, this is the talent portion of the date. 1.4056 0.05084 143 94 40 9
829 Just wanted to let you know all the juggling I have to do. 1.4054 0.06054 111 75 27 9
830 Physically I am well balanced; mentally, that's another matter. 1.4052 0.06120 116 80 25 11
831 I bring a lot to the table” 1.4052 0.05869 116 78 29 9
832 Tell me when you have something interesting to say. 1.4052 0.06120 116 80 25 11
833 I'm just trying to get the waiter's attention. 1.4050 0.05936 121 83 27 11
834 Some sing for their supper. Others regard that as the easy way out. 1.4043 0.05419 141 96 33 12
835 Okay…Now hand me your glass. 1.4040 0.06874 99 70 18 11
836 Help me out. Grab one. 1.4037 0.06130 109 74 26 9
837 Sad it takes this much just to get you to look away from your phone and listen to my story for five minutes. 1.4037 0.06912 109 80 14 15
838 Things are really up in the air for me these days. 1.4037 0.06401 109 76 22 11
839 If you hire me, I'm pretty sure I can manage your appointment calendar. 1.4035 0.05807 114 76 30 8
840 Can we go to your place? Mine burnt down. 1.4035 0.06195 114 79 24 11
841 You get to see what I do during the day now that you're working from home. 1.4034 0.05885 119 81 28 10
842 Yea...I was a front line worker, but this seemed A LOT safer! 1.4032 0.05600 124 83 32 9
843 On a first date, I think it’s best to lay it all on the table, don’t you? 1.4032 0.05482 124 82 34 8
844 Not as dangerous as your job! Tell me more about forensic accounting. 1.4031 0.05773 129 89 28 12
845 Don’t worry I’ll pick up the kids after work and cook dinner too 1.4028 0.05603 144 101 28 15
846 When my steak comes, just toss it up to me and then grab the bowling ball. 1.4019 0.06065 107 72 27 8
847 I try to stay busy. 1.4018 0.06400 112 79 21 12
848 My last relationship ended badly. 1.4015 0.05527 137 94 31 12
849 Jump in anytime. 1.4014 0.05294 142 96 35 11
850 I also cook 😊 1.4012 0.04912 162 109 41 12
851 What am I looking for in a relationship? Security, I guess. 1.4000 0.05947 110 74 28 8
852 I get it. Work,marriage,kids. 1.4000 0.05682 135 94 28 13
853 So you’re in accounting…how interesting. 1.4000 0.05792 125 86 28 11
854 So, how did you spend your down time during COVID? 1.4000 0.06085 110 75 26 9
855 Well it's easier than talking about politics. 1.4000 0.06117 125 89 22 14
856 And for my next trick I’ll seamlessly work from home while ensuring our three kids get to camp on time, the dog gets walked, and the laundry gets folded. 1.3986 0.05265 143 97 35 11
857 Best blind date ever! Am I right? 1.3985 0.05540 133 91 31 11
858 A little bit about myself? Well, I'm a mom... 1.3985 0.06032 133 96 21 16
859 So, what did you do with your time during the lockdown? 1.3984 0.05625 123 83 31 9
860 It keeps my mind off my job. 1.3984 0.05505 123 82 33 8
861 Sorry, Mark, but I just don't have time for a relationship right now. 1.3983 0.05790 118 80 29 9
862 For my next trick, I'll balance my love of food with society's expectations of how women should eat on dates. 1.3981 0.06162 108 74 25 9
863 Now if you will just toss me your chair. 1.3971 0.05350 136 92 34 10
864 Am I trying too hard? 1.3966 0.05459 116 76 34 6
865 The last guy I dated said he thought I was unbalanced. 1.3966 0.05727 116 78 30 8
866 I’m Sally; I’ll be your food server today!” 1.3966 0.06107 116 81 24 11
867 I just couldn't help myself when you asked, "What do you do?" 1.3966 0.05983 116 80 26 10
868 What? I’m vaccinated. 1.3966 0.05595 116 77 32 7
869 Everything is on the table, Bob 1.3966 0.05727 116 78 30 8
870 Women are expected to, actually. 1.3964 0.06306 111 78 22 11
871 This is not what I mean when we talked about spicing things up. 1.3964 0.05320 111 71 36 4
872 Mom said I should play hard to get 1.3960 0.06306 101 69 24 8
873 Darn, the waiter still won't look our way. 1.3958 0.05594 144 102 27 15
874 Well, Harold, my profile did say I'm not good at small talk. 1.3952 0.05349 124 82 35 7
875 Training? I used to teach kindergarten. 1.3950 0.05497 119 79 33 7
876 It always happens, as soon as I start to juggle, they serve dinner. 1.3950 0.05625 119 80 31 8
877 Now that you’ve finally looked up from your phone can we talk about us? 1.3950 0.06451 119 87 17 15
878 Quick, throw me that glass! 1.3939 0.05351 132 89 34 9
879 Now, do you think my multitasking skills are good enough to run your house, raise your kids and hold down a full time job? 1.3938 0.05327 160 114 29 17
880 You make a big deal about balancing the check book." 1.3932 0.05557 117 78 32 7
881 The pasta is great but it's almost impossible to get the waiter's attention. 1.3932 0.05942 117 81 26 10
882 No, I won't do it topless! 1.3932 0.06303 117 84 20 13
883 My life balance coach said she had no more to teach me. 1.3926 0.05371 135 92 33 10
884 Toss me your glass! 1.3922 0.06559 102 72 20 10
885 Our principal said that if we mastered this over the summer we’d be ready to start the new school year when the students arrive. 1.3922 0.06559 102 72 20 10
886 I should mention at this point that my late husband used to make fun of my passion as well. 1.3917 0.05952 120 84 25 11
887 All moms are good at multi-tasking, like you dads do when you sleep and fart at the same time. 1.3917 0.05833 120 83 27 10
888 It's from a class I took, for working moms. 1.3917 0.05588 120 81 31 8
889 Clown college really paid off 1.3917 0.05712 120 82 29 9
890 If you have to drop one, make it the ball please! 1.3913 0.05884 115 79 27 9
891 Of course I don’t mind getting your shirts from the cleaner after I get the groceries and take the kids to soccer. It’s only 10 miles out of the way, and you need time to recover after you took out the garbage . 1.3913 0.06905 92 65 18 9
892 I typically save this trick for the 2nd date. But since you asked... 1.3909 0.06207 110 77 23 10
893 Okay, now pass up that water. 1.3906 0.05572 128 88 30 10
894 Of course l can get you a refill. Please don’t bother getting up. 1.3905 0.06419 105 74 21 10
895 Did you read my whole Tinder profile? 1.3900 0.06801 100 72 17 11
896 The bowling ball's the problem. I keep missing the finger-holes. Don't lean forward! 1.3898 0.05387 118 78 34 6
897 I’m your new waitress, your first one just left in the ambulance. 1.3898 0.06022 118 83 24 11
898 Sorry, Dan, I'm just not ready to risk a relationship right now. 1.3898 0.05901 118 82 26 10
899 Okay, open your eyes now! 1.3895 0.06574 95 66 21 8
900 Now I have your attention I wanted to let you know that we have been trying to contact you about your car’s extended warranty…. 1.3895 0.06401 95 65 23 7
901 When I suggested dinner and a show… 1.3894 0.05397 113 74 34 5
902 I love when guys answer, "What's you're idea of a perfect first date?" with, "Surprise me." 1.3894 0.06214 113 80 22 11
903 Ok,now toss me that olive. 1.3894 0.06463 113 82 18 13
904 Nice, but can you do it backwards and in high heels? 1.3889 0.06815 108 80 14 14
905 For my next trick, I’ll broker a bipartisan immigration reform package. 1.3889 0.05859 108 73 28 7
906 Honey, we do NOT have a boring marriage. 1.3889 0.05709 108 72 30 6
907 I also enjoy long walks in the park and reading 1.3889 0.05852 126 89 25 12
908 Still easier than living through 2020, Gene. 1.3883 0.06506 103 73 20 10
909 If I can juggle these on our first date, I'll have no problems with 3 kids, home school, cooking, charity work, and bedroom antics. 1.3881 0.05696 134 95 26 13
910 Thought bubble above guy: “I shoulda swiped left” 1.3881 0.05696 134 95 26 13
911 In other words, will you marry me? 1.3879 0.06216 116 83 21 12
912 I'd like a refill, honey. Can you get the waiter's attention? 1.3879 0.06094 116 82 23 11
913 And what would you be bringing to the table? 1.3879 0.06335 116 84 19 13
914 So you can just jump in as soon as you’re ready 1.3879 0.05580 116 78 31 7
915 It's nice to finally relax. 1.3874 0.05748 111 75 29 7
916 On the count of three, hand me the glass. 1.3874 0.05889 111 76 27 8
917 I'm new at this, so bear with me.. 1.3874 0.05604 111 74 31 6
918 Can you grab my phone and take a photo? 1.3871 0.05576 124 85 30 9
919 I didn't get the vaccination because I just don't think it's safe. 1.3869 0.05698 137 98 25 14
920 I used to do this from home.” 1.3868 0.05930 106 72 27 7
921 Now do you understand the consequences of dropping the ball, Doug? 1.3868 0.06080 106 73 25 8
922 I often include a weedwacker,but there are supply chain issues. 1.3866 0.05737 119 82 28 9
923 juggling partners can be difficult .. but juggling partners are the worst .. 1.3866 0.05860 119 83 26 10
924 I figured after raising three kids and working full-time, I needed to try something less demanding! 1.3864 0.05756 132 94 25 13
925 Joe immediately regrets allowing his sister to fill out his online dating profile. 1.3861 0.06129 101 69 25 7
926 OK . I've put the phone away now. 1.3861 0.06129 101 69 25 7
927 No, I just spilled some red paint on the chainsaw. 1.3861 0.06288 101 70 23 8
928 Meg always tries too hard on the first date 1.3861 0.06129 101 69 25 7
929 The audition did say "Balancing Act!" 1.3854 0.05806 96 63 29 4
930 I'm trying too hard, aren't I? 1.3853 0.05516 109 72 32 5
931 It started as a way to get my dates to look up. 1.3853 0.06373 109 78 20 11
932 Want to see what else I learned while I was working from home? 1.3853 0.06101 109 76 24 9
933 This got me fired at Benihana. 1.3852 0.06098 122 88 21 13
934 This is nothing. Try raising three kids on your own. 1.3852 0.05562 135 95 28 12
935 It was hard finding work after graduate school. 1.3846 0.06004 104 71 26 7
936 My ex accused me of being attention seeking, but I don't see it. 1.3846 0.06004 104 71 26 7
937 Since lockdown started, why do you ask? 1.3846 0.05674 117 80 29 8
938 And what’s your plan for our second date? 1.3846 0.06004 104 71 26 7
939 There’s no catch. 1.3846 0.06597 104 75 18 11
940 What else is in your purse? 1.3846 0.06172 117 84 21 12
941 It's not a metaphor, Henry -- it's my life. 1.3839 0.05982 112 78 25 9
942 Toss me the glass, why not? 1.3839 0.06373 112 81 19 12
943 It’s performance art, dear. I call it “Working Mom.” 1.3835 0.05620 133 94 27 12
944 Compared to my other gig as a working mom this is nothing 1.3833 0.06056 120 86 22 12
945 And, at the end I sing "Getting to Know You," and OOPS! 1.3832 0.06034 107 74 25 8
946 See, I told you it will be very easy for me to juggle my professional and personal life whenever we do get married and have kids! 1.3832 0.05578 107 71 31 5
947 Feel free to throw in a wedding ring at any time 1.3830 0.06436 94 65 22 7
948 You don't have to impress me. You had me at "Hello". 1.3826 0.05738 115 79 28 8
949 Circus speed dating 1.3826 0.05738 115 79 28 8
950 See, I am good at multi-tasking! 1.3826 0.05738 115 79 28 8
951 It's a conversation starter, but some first dates are put off by this. 1.3824 0.05919 102 69 27 6
952 What makes you think I can't juggle work and home life? 1.3824 0.05429 136 95 30 11
953 I was really interested in you when I read you like women who can juggle many different things. 1.3824 0.06542 102 73 19 10
954 After a day of zoom-office while watching the kids, I do find this relaxing. 1.3821 0.05356 123 83 33 7
955 I got tired of bending over backwards. Had to switch it up. 1.3820 0.06874 89 63 18 8
956 I find this easier than first date chit chat. 1.3818 0.05477 110 73 32 5
957 Imagine me in bed! 1.3814 0.06294 97 67 23 7
958 For some reason, though, I find it challenging to walk and chew gum at the same time. 1.3814 0.06462 97 68 21 8
959 I can’t stand people who crave attention, ya know? 1.3814 0.05635 118 81 29 8
960 Enough with the visual metaphores. I get it, being a working single mother is hard. 1.3810 0.06110 105 73 24 8
961 Sure, Honey, you just sit there. I'd be happy to get you a beer. 1.3802 0.05537 121 83 30 8
962 Kevin, I think I need some space 1.3802 0.05660 121 84 28 9
963 Tell me about yourself. 1.3800 0.06321 100 70 22 8
964 Am I vaccinated? Do I look like someone who worries about risk? 1.3800 0.05993 100 68 26 6
965 Is the waiter finally coming over with the menus 1.3800 0.06479 100 71 20 9
966 On my speed dates, I like to do a quick IQ test. In this set of objects, which one does not belong? 1.3800 0.06321 100 70 22 8
967 «Hey, don’t move and I’ll give you haircut too!» 1.3800 0.06159 100 69 24 7
968 This could be dangerous -- would you please put on a mask? 1.3796 0.06131 108 76 23 9
969 Gotta do something to get that waiter's attention! 1.3793 0.06589 87 60 21 6
970 The torch represents my job, the bowling ball is my parents, and the chainsaw is the asshole I'm sort-of-seeing-but-trying-to-leave who I'm hoping you'll replace. 1.3793 0.05828 116 81 26 9
971 COVID19 vaccine? No way. Too risky. 1.3793 0.05828 116 81 26 9
972 What were you expecting me to bring to the table? 1.3793 0.05828 116 81 26 9
973 Nice, but is dinner ready? 1.3790 0.06015 124 90 21 13
974 French student Fred thought he'd asked for the soup. 1.3790 0.05905 124 89 23 12
975 Susan often thought back fondly on that final moment of her entertainment career, when she impromptu chose to include audience participation, suddenly barking out, “CATCH!” 1.3789 0.06723 95 68 18 9
976 Your profile said you like a woman with pizzazz. 1.3789 0.06723 95 68 18 9
977 I just really used quarantine to focus on myself, you know, work on new hobbies 1.3788 0.05434 132 92 30 10
978 I know my profile mentioned the machete but it was taken by the police as evidence after my last date. 1.3786 0.06188 103 72 23 8
979 The most dangerous part is actually that I'm unvaccinated. 1.3776 0.06570 98 70 19 9
980 When I say, "Now", you catch one. 1.3776 0.06408 98 69 21 8
981 Could you move your glass? I'm a little clumsy. 1.3774 0.05758 106 72 28 6
982 How long does your cycle usually last? 1.3772 0.06026 114 81 23 10
983 I'm done with jumping through hoops to please you. 1.3770 0.05858 122 87 24 11
984 Well, you wanted dinner and a show... 1.3763 0.06823 93 67 17 9
985 Of course I have children 1.3763 0.06471 93 65 21 7
986 Wow, you weren’t lying on your tinder profile. This is some first date. 1.3763 0.06649 93 66 19 8
987 Not to worry... I'm fully vaccinated 1.3761 0.05498 109 73 31 5
988 The real trick is not sneezing because of your cologne. 1.3761 0.06222 109 78 21 10
989 So, as you can see, it really is possible to do more than one thing at a time” 1.3761 0.06084 109 77 23 9
990 I like you. I’m just busy. 1.3761 0.06157 117 85 20 12
991 Could you tell this is the first time I have done this this with the chain saw running? 1.3761 0.05787 117 82 26 9
992 Would you like to hear tonight’s specials? 1.3761 0.05913 117 83 24 10
993 And I do my own taxes! 1.3761 0.05658 117 81 28 8
994 When your profile said you throw caution to the wind I thought you meant you weren’t vaccinated… 1.3761 0.05913 117 83 24 10
995 I tried this with a boss and two kids, bless their souls. 1.3760 0.05755 125 89 25 11
996 So , tell me about yourself Bob.” 1.3750 0.06290 104 74 21 9
997 I'm training to be a working mom. 1.3750 0.05830 112 78 26 8
998 No, really, tell me more about you. 1.3750 0.05830 112 78 26 8
999 So then, you’re not “just” an accountant. 1.3750 0.06290 104 74 21 9
1000 Of course, I also love travel and long walks on the beach. How about you? 1.3750 0.05656 128 91 26 11
1001 I was told it would be a floor show. 1.3750 0.05547 112 76 30 6
1002 It's so rare to meet someone who looks just like their picture! 1.3750 0.05966 112 79 24 9
1003 -Now for the talent portion of a first date. 1.3750 0.06099 112 80 22 10
1004 I’m going to guess this is your first date since the pandemic started...? 1.3750 0.05301 120 81 33 6
1005 It's no use. We'll never get that waiter's attention. 1.3740 0.05870 131 96 21 14
1006 In conclusion, that's why I'm not really looking for a relationship right now 1.3740 0.06043 123 90 20 13
1007 No, I can do small talk. It’s just not my go-to. 1.3739 0.05722 115 80 27 8
1008 As a woman, you learn how to juggle a lot of things all at once. 1.3739 0.05449 115 78 31 6
1009 Juggling a career and motherhood is much harder. 1.3737 0.06514 99 71 19 9
1010 After a year of virtual school and working from home, I was ready for a new challenge. 1.3737 0.06190 99 69 23 7
1011 So what was your quarantine hobby? 1.3737 0.06514 99 71 19 9
1012 I promised myself I wouldn't do this again on a first date. 1.3737 0.05847 99 67 27 5
1013 Now I understand why guys are finding you intimidating... 1.3737 0.06514 99 71 19 9
1014 So what do you for a living? 1.3736 0.06182 91 62 24 5
1015 Can your mother do this? 1.3729 0.05871 118 84 24 10
1016 And you think I can't juggle the demands of marriage, children, and a full time job? 1.3727 0.06038 110 78 23 9
1017 I know it is our1st date - I just want to be upfront about what I did. 1.3727 0.05899 110 77 25 8
1018 Do you think the ponytail is too much? 1.3727 0.05899 110 77 25 8
1019 I know you're busy and all, but would it kill you to smile more? 1.3727 0.05756 110 76 27 7
1020 It's my light-hearted way to say I want a divorce. 1.3723 0.06929 94 69 15 10
1021 Actually I prefer a lazy Susan for the table. 1.3723 0.05855 94 63 27 4
1022 Is this more entertaining than your cellphone? 1.3723 0.06233 94 65 23 6
1023 So, did you learn anything new during Covid lock-down? 1.3721 0.06416 86 59 22 5
1024 I know what you’re thinking, “why the bowling ball?” 1.3719 0.05645 121 85 27 9
1025 I didn't want to be a typical first date. 1.3717 0.05362 113 76 32 5
1026 No, really. Toss me your glass. 1.3711 0.06099 97 67 24 6
1027 I told you I’m not like other girls 1.3711 0.06442 97 69 20 8
1028 It was a better act before my badger died. 1.3707 0.05939 116 83 23 10
1029 And how was your day, honey? 1.3707 0.05548 116 80 29 7
1030 People say I’m a lot to handle. 1.3704 0.05970 108 76 24 8
1031 I love that we don't have to talk. 1.3704 0.05970 108 76 24 8
1032 Oh, and by the way, I was a finalist on Jeopardy! 1.3697 0.05581 119 83 28 8
1033 I can also juggle a career and a family. 1.3697 0.05451 119 82 30 7
1034 But enough about me. I hear you're into chess. That's cool. 1.3696 0.06320 92 64 22 6
1035 You're not worried about the variants now, are you? 1.3694 0.05855 111 78 25 8
1036 Sharon, we’re inside. Masks are required. 1.3694 0.05993 111 79 23 9
1037 I like quiet evenings, long walks on the beach, and chainsaw juggling. 1.3689 0.05852 103 71 26 6
1038 Do you think this will get the waiter's attention or should I call in the elephants? 1.3689 0.05607 122 86 27 9
1039 Actually, this isn't even the most astonishing thing on the City's list of business reopening requirements. 1.3684 0.05879 114 81 24 9
1040 I had no problem distancing. 1.3684 0.06359 95 67 21 7
1041 I'd love to, but I have a lot going on right now. 1.3684 0.06532 95 68 19 8
1042 So you really meant that your Ex was a clown huh? 1.3684 0.05177 114 76 34 4
1043 You should see what I do with your balls! 1.3679 0.06334 106 77 19 10
1044 Working from home has given me some free time. 1.3679 0.05738 106 73 27 6
1045 I just couldn’t stand not having a good answers to “what are your hobbies?” 1.3679 0.06043 106 75 23 8
1046 They bring me in when the Wi-Fi is down. 1.3679 0.06190 106 76 21 9
1047 It's easier than juggling a career and kids. 1.3679 0.06334 106 77 19 10
1048 Is this too over the top for our first date? 1.3675 0.05771 117 83 25 9
1049 When it said on your profile that you could juggle a lot of things at once I assumed it meant normal life things not actual things. 1.3675 0.05771 117 83 25 9
1050 my profile SAID I was well balanced ! 1.3673 0.06220 98 69 22 7
1051 I’m Mandy, your server. My boss says COVID is a hoax. Welcome to Florida, you maskless asshole. 1.3673 0.06708 98 72 16 10
1052 ♫..and ♪ the home ♪ of the - brave. ♫ 1.3673 0.06549 98 71 18 9
1053 You think this is dangerous? Try running an online meeting with a toddler in your lap. 1.3670 0.05478 109 74 30 5
1054 I can juggle your bullshit too 1.3670 0.06066 109 78 22 9
1055 Did I mention that I can’t cook? 1.3667 0.05542 120 84 28 8
1056 This so totally gets my mind off climate change. 1.3667 0.06409 90 63 21 6
1057 I'd say modesty is my biggest flaw. 1.3667 0.06787 90 65 17 8
1058 And what did you learn during the pandemic shutdown? 1.3664 0.05220 131 91 32 8
1059 Did I forget to mention I’m a single mom? 1.3663 0.06089 101 71 23 7
1060 So, you want to know what it’s like to have a baby, a full-time job, and a husband who does nothing, all while having an affair with the Amazon guy? Here, let me show you. 1.3663 0.06559 101 74 17 10
1061 Oh,thanks for your concern about my safety. I’ve been vaccinated. 1.3663 0.06089 101 71 23 7
1062 Not another risky juggling unicycler," thought Dan, as he carefully changed his Tinder profile under the table 1.3659 0.06834 82 58 18 6
1063 It's not you. I'm just juggling a lot right now. 1.3656 0.06970 93 69 14 10
1064 Don't worry about the tire marks on the tablecloth. 1.3656 0.06264 93 65 22 6
1065 This, Charles, is how I know I'm ready to be a mother. 1.3654 0.06561 104 77 16 11
1066 This is how I wind down after a hard day at the CDC. 1.3654 0.06120 104 74 22 8
1067 Here are our specials for the day. A torch if you like something hot. A bowling ball for something heavy and smooth. And a chain saw if you need the roughage. 1.3654 0.06120 104 74 22 8
1068 Why couldn’t you just bake sourdough bread like everyone else. 1.3654 0.05806 104 72 26 6
1069 Other than this, I don't multi-task anymore. 1.3652 0.05704 115 81 26 8
1070 And I can cook and sew and run a Fortune 500 company. 1.3647 0.06663 85 60 19 6
1071 Since you've asked, THIS is the definition of 'Stay-at-Home Mom"! 1.3646 0.07120 96 73 11 12
1072 This is why I can't go back to the office. 1.3646 0.06127 96 67 23 6
1073 Just ask them for a very, very long straw. 1.3646 0.06642 96 70 17 9
1074 Now can you pay for the check? 1.3646 0.06304 96 68 21 7
1075 I bet you could use another drink. 1.3646 0.07120 96 73 11 12
1076 I forgot our anniversary, didn't I 1.3646 0.06127 96 67 23 6
1077 It breaks the ice a little, don’t you think? 1.3645 0.05376 107 72 31 4
1078 It’s no different than juggling my job, the kids and you. Guess which one is you? 1.3645 0.06423 107 79 17 11
1079 Keep talking, honey. I'm listening. 1.3645 0.06142 107 77 21 9
1080 The help-wanted ad said “Must be capable of juggling many items at the same time.” 1.3645 0.06284 107 78 19 10
1081 So, you’re telling me you didn’t make dinner? 1.3644 0.05602 118 83 27 8
1082 Now just imagine what I could do in the bedroom 1.3643 0.05496 129 92 27 10
1083 Hello, my name is Cathy and I'll be your server this evening. 1.3636 0.05998 99 69 24 6
1084 You're the one who said "our dinners are boring" 1.3636 0.05629 121 86 26 9
1085 But yeah, your pandemic hobby sounds interesting too. Sourdough, right? 1.3636 0.06494 99 72 18 9
1086 Shouldn't you be wearing a mask? 1.3636 0.05736 110 77 26 7
1087 Can you pick up the kids? 1.3636 0.06157 110 80 20 10
1088 My friends told me I had to make a good first impression. 1.3636 0.05282 110 74 32 4
1089 Well I did say in my dating profile I was great at multitasking. 1.3636 0.05880 110 78 24 8
1090 So Jeremy, tell me more about yourself 1.3627 0.06504 102 75 17 10
1091 Same old, same old. What about you? 1.3627 0.06504 102 75 17 10
1092 Speed dating is a great way to meet people, don’t you think? 1.3627 0.06353 102 74 19 9
1093 Most men I date find me threatening. You? 1.3627 0.05877 102 71 25 6
1094 It’s not personal. I just don’t think I can throw a boyfriend into the mix, too. 1.3627 0.05709 102 70 27 5
1095 Maybe this will get the waiter's attention. 1.3626 0.06156 91 63 23 5
1096 I’ll feel less driven to impress on the second date. 1.3626 0.05954 91 62 25 4
1097 It's never enough, is it? 1.3626 0.07078 91 68 13 10
1098 I'm trying to strike a work-life balance here, Ted. 1.3619 0.05600 105 72 28 5
1099 Have I ever told you I can't cook? 1.3619 0.05918 105 74 24 7
1100 This isn’t going to work. Things are just up in the air for me right now. 1.3619 0.05761 105 73 26 6
1101 It just developed naturally after years as a gig worker 1.3617 0.05829 94 64 26 4
1102 Your choice - do you want to be matched, balled, or cut in two? 1.3617 0.06567 94 68 18 8
1103 He realised then how desperately dull she really was. 1.3614 0.06545 83 58 20 5
1104 I got my start tossing salads. 1.3613 0.05690 119 85 25 9
1105 And what do you do for a living? 1.3611 0.06094 108 78 21 9
1106 What do I have to do to get a waiter to come over? 1.3611 0.06094 108 78 21 9
1107 I'm a single mom with two kids. Tell me about yourself. 1.3608 0.06419 97 70 19 8
1108 I don’t know what more I can do to impress you 1.3608 0.06075 97 68 23 6
1109 If you don’t have room for this relationship, Sylvia, just come out and say it” 1.3608 0.06075 97 68 23 6
1110 I brought home the bacon, fried it up in a pan…. and then I just kept going. 1.3605 0.07001 86 63 15 8
1111 I'm still not sure my mom will be impressed 1.3604 0.05694 111 78 26 7
1112 I'll juggle the kids, job and social life, if you can walk the mortgage, taxes and health insurance tightrope. 1.3600 0.06117 100 71 22 7
1113 Nobody said speed dating was gonna be pleasant. This is who I am. Now tell me about yourself. 1.3600 0.05949 100 70 24 6
1114 I ordered a sidecar, not a sideshow. 1.3600 0.06439 100 73 18 9
1115 It’s called motherhood, Jeremy, and it doesn’t stop because it’s date night. 1.3596 0.05727 114 81 25 8
1116 ....And what did YOU work on during quarantine? 1.3596 0.06441 89 63 20 6
1117 You kept complaining that our dinners were getting boring so I decided to add a bit more spice. 1.3592 0.05991 103 73 23 7
1118 Did the waiter notice us yet? 1.3592 0.05664 103 71 27 5
1119 Yes, once. 1.3590 0.06573 78 54 20 4
1120 I hate it when this doesn't work. 1.3590 0.05880 117 85 22 10
1121 Sorry, I just can’t fit you into my life right now. 1.3587 0.06294 92 65 21 6
1122 No thank, no more wine for the lady 1.3587 0.06481 92 66 19 7
1123 I know. I know. But would you have come if I listed it on my dating app? 1.3585 0.06170 106 77 20 9
1124 this is nothing, i'm still figuring out wife,mother,worker 1.3585 0.06170 106 77 20 9
1125 Dating isn’t what it used to be 1.3583 0.05397 120 84 29 7
1126 Okay, okay, I put my phone down. 1.3579 0.06679 95 70 16 9
1127 Yes, I did change my hair color. 1.3579 0.06155 95 67 22 6
1128 And I can pick up the check. 1.3578 0.05759 109 77 25 7
1129 I cannot believe you are still single! 1.3571 0.06197 98 70 21 7
1130 And yet, I still find time for a career. 1.3571 0.05652 112 79 26 7
1131 Yep, you should never date the talent. 1.3571 0.05930 112 81 22 9
1132 Alright, fine... I'll pay. 1.3571 0.06256 84 58 22 4
1133 I know it’s only our first date…just to be clear…what you see is what you get. 1.3571 0.06024 98 69 23 6
1134 This is what I’ve been doing recently to calm down after reading the news 1.3571 0.06364 98 71 19 8
1135 ‘I’m just not sure if I’m doing ENOUGH, you know?’ 1.3571 0.05508 112 78 28 6
1136 See? What I said on the dating app is true. 1.3566 0.05697 129 95 22 12
1137 Which one is the best metaphor for the future of our relationship? 1.3565 0.06199 115 86 17 12
1138 Work and family should be easy-peasy. 1.3565 0.05268 115 79 31 5
1139 I used to work from home, but I needed a less stressful gig. 1.3564 0.06227 101 73 20 8
1140 What do you mean you can’t pick the kids up from soccer? 1.3563 0.06737 87 63 17 7
1141 I'm new at this but don't worry, there's only a one in three chance you'll be circumcised. 1.3563 0.07308 87 66 11 10
1142 Impressive. Now do it wearing a mask. 1.3559 0.05712 118 85 24 9
1143 …And what did you do during your Covid quarantine? 1.3558 0.05784 104 73 25 6
1144 Right now, I'm just a stay-at-home mom... 1.3558 0.06098 104 75 21 8
1145 And! I already have something exhausting in mind for the gender reveal party. 1.3558 0.05784 104 73 25 6
1146 I bet I pass that sobriety test this time. 1.3556 0.06574 90 65 18 7
1147 OK, waiter - send in the clowns. 1.3556 0.05708 135 101 20 14
1148 What does it take to get service around here? 1.3556 0.06574 90 65 18 7
1149 Yeah, occasionally I drop one. Maybe you should move back a bit. 1.3556 0.06183 90 63 22 5
1150 When the check comes, there should be some cash behind your ear. 1.3553 0.08523 76 61 3 12
1151 Does it really matter to you that I can’t walk and chew gum at the same time? 1.3551 0.05976 107 77 22 8
1152 Mansplain this! 1.3548 0.06777 93 69 15 9
1153 The shutdown gave me time to develop new interests--you? 1.3548 0.06238 93 66 21 6
1154 So tell me a little bit about yourself. 1.3548 0.05648 93 63 27 3
1155 Is he bringing the menus now? 1.3548 0.05515 124 89 26 9
1156 I also do taxes 1.3545 0.05860 110 79 23 8
1157 Just imagine how well I'll be able to manage a C-level job, three kids, and your mother. 1.3542 0.06451 96 70 18 8
1158 At the worst possible moment, Kathy's concentration began to lapse as she shifted her focus from the chainsaw to the unmistakable beginnings of a bald spot on her date's head. 1.3537 0.07021 82 60 15 7
1159 No worries, I’m vaccinated! 1.3537 0.07021 82 60 15 7
1160 You said to get the waiter's attention. 1.3535 0.05432 99 67 29 3
1161 If I drop the chainsaw, it's half off. 1.3535 0.06144 99 71 21 7
1162 I’m sorry, Ted. A relationship right now is just one too many things for me to juggle. 1.3535 0.06782 99 75 13 11
1163 You see, if I were a man, the server would be here now. 1.3535 0.05799 99 69 25 5
1164 No, I can’t cook. 1.3535 0.05799 99 69 25 5
1165 Well, Bob, I think I'm ready for a baby 1.3535 0.05974 99 70 23 6
1166 I'd submit a caption, but it would be mansplaining. 1.3529 0.05796 119 87 22 10
1167 . . .and I also like watching old movies and taking long walks on the beach 1.3529 0.06176 102 74 20 8
1168 Full disclosure, casual dating has never been one of my strong suits. 1.3529 0.06633 85 61 18 6
1169 This should get us a free appetizer. 1.3529 0.06196 85 59 22 4
1170 Of course, I want to hear your story about Deborah at work. 1.3529 0.07042 85 63 14 8
1171 I'll take some bread .. but hold the circus. 1.3529 0.05512 102 70 28 4
1172 Now catch 1.3529 0.05853 102 72 24 6
1173 You can throw in two kids max. 1.3529 0.05853 102 72 24 6
1174 I’m petrified of small talk. 1.3529 0.05966 85 58 24 3
1175 and that is how I survived being a working mom with remote school for my children at home 1.3529 0.07042 85 63 14 8
1176 You can just say you don’t want to talk about your family. 1.3524 0.06488 105 79 15 11
1177 Before Covid I could only juggle boyfriends. 1.3519 0.06215 108 80 18 10
1178 Oh yes, Dan, please tell me more about your unbelievably wild day at the office. 1.3519 0.05630 108 76 26 6
1179 Think this is risky? Try the Bouillabaisse. 1.3519 0.05782 108 77 24 7
1180 I love this place! I can always ask for a stack of dinner plates here! 1.3516 0.06323 91 65 20 6
1181 Duck. 1.3514 0.07310 74 54 14 6
1182 I know, but it's way easier than juggling boyfriends. 1.3514 0.05955 111 81 21 9
1183 No, sir. 'The Flaming Juggler' you ordered is not the name of a cocktail." 1.3511 0.06183 94 67 21 6
1184 I've had it up to here jumpin' through hoops. 1.3511 0.05600 94 64 27 3
1185 I am SO glad to be having normal human interactions again! 1.3511 0.06183 94 67 21 6
1186 If the pay gap gets any wider, I'll have to start doing it backwards. 1.3511 0.06715 94 70 15 9
1187 I can stop any time I want. 1.3511 0.06183 94 67 21 6
1188 Since lockdown, I've really learned not to care what anyone else thinks of me. 1.3505 0.06050 97 69 22 6
1189 I'm a single, mother, businesswoman. You asked what I do all day. 1.3505 0.06050 97 69 22 6
1190 … and I can cook too 1.3505 0.05870 97 68 24 5
1191 The real risk is no mask. 1.3505 0.06561 97 72 16 9
1192 It's really unsafe to be doing that indoors without a mask on. 1.3505 0.06225 97 70 20 7
1193 I just asked if you could balance a checkbook. 1.3505 0.06722 97 73 14 10
1194 The specials are to die for. 1.3500 0.05925 100 71 23 6
1195 Am I smiling enough for you now, Tad? 1.3500 0.06913 80 58 16 6
1196 When they said women had to work twice as hard to get half as far,I had no idea this is what they meant. 1.3500 0.06913 80 58 16 6
1197 It was either this or get vaccinated to eat here. 1.3500 0.05507 120 86 26 8
1198 Of course, a potential partner would have to share my interests." 1.3500 0.05378 120 85 28 7
1199 Ok, now let's move along to the swimsuit competition part of the date! 1.3500 0.06913 80 58 16 6
1200 Some did bread, I did this. 1.3495 0.06429 103 77 16 10
1201 I knew I should've swiped left." 1.3495 0.06429 103 77 16 10
1202 I could have sworn my agent said Big Apple Circus, not Applebees! 1.3495 0.06125 103 75 20 8
1203 Sorry about the delay, I've had to juggle a lot of tables tonight. 1.3495 0.05968 103 74 22 7
1204 Yeah, I've been able to stay busy during the pandemic, why do you ask? 1.3494 0.06045 83 57 23 3
1205 So perhaps Monsieur will order next time in English. Eh? 1.3494 0.06513 83 59 19 5
1206 Who said first dates are always weird ? 1.3491 0.05369 106 73 29 4
1207 Somehow, the silence became yet more awkward. 1.3491 0.06294 106 79 17 10
1208 OK, now I have your attention, I'm leaving you. 1.3491 0.06294 106 79 17 10
1209 While you’re up could you refill my water? 1.3491 0.05850 106 76 23 7
1210 So do you have any brothers or sisters? 1.3488 0.06568 86 62 18 6
1211 Now, tell me what you do? 1.3488 0.06568 86 62 18 6
1212 What else do you need me to do to reform the filibuster, Mr. Manchin? 1.3488 0.07166 86 65 12 9
1213 The trick is not caring. 1.3486 0.06166 109 81 18 10
1214 ...And if you pick up your iPhone at the table again, I drop one of these on you! 1.3483 0.06412 89 64 19 6
1215 No, it’s not a metaphor. 1.3483 0.06412 89 64 19 6
1216 So you're just a stay at home mom? 1.3482 0.05631 112 80 25 7
1217 The waiter’s starting to look this way. Hand me the glass. 1.3482 0.05631 112 80 25 7
1218 I hope this isn’t the lap dance I ordered. 1.3482 0.05910 112 82 21 9
1219 Trust me, compared to this, juggling a husband, a career and kids is gonna be a cinch! 1.3478 0.06072 92 65 22 5
1220 Can you imagine what I do in the bedroom? 1.3478 0.06266 92 66 20 6
1221 Now, toss me that glass and run. 1.3474 0.06308 95 69 19 7
1222 This is my first date date since 2019. How about you? 1.3474 0.05751 95 66 25 4
1223 Frankly, this is easier than finding a subject for small talk that won't end up in a political discussion. 1.3474 0.06308 95 69 19 7
1224 And you'll see that I can do similarly amazing things in the kitchen, and in the bedroom. 1.3474 0.05751 95 66 25 4
1225 'Real go-getter, with atrocious table manners.' Your Tinder bio was spot-on. 1.3474 0.05943 95 67 23 5
1226 Since you are eating inside without a mask we assumed you were good with high risk entertainment. 1.3469 0.06171 98 71 20 7
1227 My dad thinks a working single mom doesn't have time for a relationship, can you believe that? 1.3469 0.05447 98 67 28 3
1228 Wear a mask to prevent COVID? Are you crazy? That's dangerous!7 1.3467 0.07227 75 55 14 6
1229 Learned all of this during the pandemic. And you say you made a loaf of sourdough bread? 1.3465 0.06042 101 73 21 7
1230 Well, next time don’t put ‘I like to live dangerously’ on your profile. 1.3462 0.05595 104 73 26 5
1231 Wonderful! But where’s dinner? 1.3462 0.05920 104 75 22 7
1232 And, I also have to juggle meals, housework and raising our kids. 1.3462 0.06375 104 78 16 10
1233 This is nothing. . .Try juggling motherhood and the pandemic! 1.3462 0.07027 78 57 15 6
1234 I call it 'My Year of Eating Dangerously.' 1.3462 0.06227 104 77 18 9
1235 Let me hear you tell your friends one more time that I have nothing to offer. 1.3458 0.05650 107 76 25 6
1236 When I say "will work for food", I mean it. 1.3457 0.06373 81 57 20 4
1237 Your match.com profile left out the bowling ball. 1.3457 0.07062 81 60 14 7
1238 Intermittent fasting will be easy honey I swear. 1.3457 0.07062 81 60 14 7
1239 Is this a good time to tell you I’m gay? 1.3457 0.07690 81 63 8 10
1240 My profile did say “risk taker.” 1.3455 0.05694 110 79 24 7
1241 Well your Tinder profile said you enjoyed "thrill seeking"! 1.3452 0.05987 84 58 23 3
1242 Don't worry, I always turn off the chainsaw when I'm doing closeup. 1.3452 0.07084 84 63 13 8
1243 Did you order the screwdriver? 1.3452 0.06448 84 60 19 5
1244 Are you ready to catch? 1.3452 0.05987 84 58 23 3
1245 And what have you been doing during the pandemic? 1.3451 0.05865 113 83 21 9
1246 You people who engage in vices like drinking drive up healthcare costs for the rest of us. 1.3448 0.06296 87 62 20 5
1247 So what will you be bringing to the marriage? 1.3448 0.05352 116 82 28 6
1248 You're right, he's deliberately ignoring us. 1.3448 0.06080 87 61 22 4
1249 It's easy, I have three kids. Submitted by James Prickett, Bellingham, Wa 1.3444 0.06153 90 64 21 5
1250 The key is knowing which ones are rubber 1.3444 0.06546 90 66 17 7
1251 Nine out of ten times I do this they give me free dessert. 1.3441 0.05821 93 65 24 4
1252 I go through about a boyfriend a week 1.3438 0.06253 96 70 19 7
1253 This usually gets the waiter's attention. 1.3438 0.06253 96 70 19 7
1254 My ex and I used to juggle together, but he wasn't very good at catching the chainsaw. 1.3438 0.06253 96 70 19 7
1255 I'm a bit stressed. Do you mind taking care of the chain saw? 1.3431 0.05828 102 73 23 6
1256 I've already told you, Sally - it's not you, it's ME. 1.3431 0.06152 102 75 19 8
1257 Now you try it. 1.3431 0.05828 102 73 23 6
1258 And you thought juggling women was impressive 1.3431 0.05828 102 73 23 6
1259 I just don't get why they say multi-tasking is impossible to do well. 1.3429 0.05552 105 74 26 5
1260 I'm ready to get back to the office. You? 1.3429 0.05872 105 76 22 7
1261 No reason to be scared. We're in Florida. 1.3429 0.06026 105 77 20 8
1262 Can you order me an orange, a banana, and a pineapple? 1.3429 0.05714 105 75 24 6
1263 Please ask the waiter if he has anything we can use as a tourniquet. 1.3426 0.06052 108 80 19 9
1264 I finally learned something useful during the lock down 1.3421 0.05548 114 82 25 7
1265 I'm sorry you didn't understand what ambidextrous meant in Tinder. 1.3421 0.06896 76 55 16 5
1266 Now there’s a woman who can multi-task. 1.3419 0.05584 117 85 24 8
1267 I'm trying to help you understand the work-life balance. 1.3418 0.06713 79 57 17 5
1268 So, what new hobby did you learn during the pandemic? 1.3415 0.06770 82 60 16 6
1269 Marry me. I'm a great partner. I love to juggle. And I can even do this naked. 1.3412 0.06809 85 63 15 7
1270 Now, I'll take off my pants. 1.3412 0.06600 85 62 17 6
1271 And you thought I was going to be the most boring date ever... 1.3412 0.06161 85 60 21 4
1272 Need more proof that women can juggle things better than men? 1.3409 0.06236 88 63 20 5
1273 Hello? My eyes are up here! 1.3409 0.07024 88 67 12 9
1274 So this is my proof that the Constitution of the US recognized that all men were created equal: women are the exception! 1.3409 0.06642 88 65 16 7
1275 Toss me the glass now! 1.3407 0.06294 91 66 19 6
1276 You learn a lot in lockdown. 1.3407 0.06485 91 67 17 7
1277 I can also cook and clean. 1.3407 0.06096 91 65 21 5
1278 In other words, yes, I'm unemployed. 1.3407 0.06096 91 65 21 5
1279 ‘Don’t just sit there, toss me that glass.’ 1.3407 0.05893 91 64 23 4
1280 After being a working mom, pretty much everything else came naturally. 1.3407 0.06851 91 69 13 9
1281 What they say is true. Women really can do it all. 1.3404 0.06337 94 69 18 7
1282 What? Dining outdoors is perfectly safe! 1.3402 0.05654 97 68 25 4
1283 Now will you read my to do list?? 1.3402 0.05841 97 69 23 5
1284 Now on the count of three, toss your glass in the air. 1.3400 0.05724 100 71 24 5
1285 I'll be ready when this is an Olympic Sport in 2024 in Paris 1.3400 0.06391 100 75 16 9
1286 This is my go-to when the date's not going well. 1.3400 0.05545 100 70 26 4
1287 Compared to being a mom with three kids and a full-time job 32 miles away, this is easy. 1.3398 0.05781 103 74 23 6
1288 How was your day today? 1.3398 0.06101 103 76 19 8
1289 “On my profile I wrote ‘good hands, ambidextrous and love all positions’. Why?” 1.3396 0.05826 106 77 22 7
1290 So that’s how my day was. Yours? 1.3396 0.05343 106 74 28 4
1291 I guess the first date is always a little performative. 1.3394 0.05409 109 77 27 5
1292 I’ve been told I sometimes try too hard make a good impression on the first date. 1.3380 0.06933 71 51 16 4
1293 Toss me your chair willya?" 1.3375 0.07323 80 61 11 8
1294 First dates always feel like a performance. 1.3375 0.06643 80 58 17 5
1295 Sorry, I usually wait until the second date to emasculate guys with my competence. 1.3375 0.07103 80 60 13 7
1296 And I am wearing heels. 1.3375 0.05885 80 55 23 2
1297 What…no mask? 1.3373 0.06246 83 59 20 4
1298 Wow, Rhonda! What will you do on our second date? 1.3372 0.05874 86 60 23 3
1299 My name is Whoopsie and I'll be looking after you tonight. 1.3372 0.06102 86 61 21 4
1300 Toss me that glass, would ya? 1.3372 0.06741 86 64 15 7
1301 You could have just asked me to put down my phone. 1.3371 0.06578 89 66 16 7
1302 Would you use this dating app again? Be honest… 1.3371 0.06955 89 68 12 9
1303 Oh, wait…I forgot my mask. 1.3371 0.06381 89 65 18 6
1304 And you want $15.00 an hour? 1.3370 0.06236 92 67 19 6
1305 Really. You ironed your shirt. 1.3370 0.06041 92 66 21 5
1306 So you see, I just don't have time for a boyfriend. 1.3370 0.06424 92 68 17 7
1307 You asked what my day was like, so here you go. 1.3370 0.05840 92 65 23 4
1308 You wanna see how good I am with kids? Toss one in. 1.3370 0.06424 92 68 17 7
1309 I must of read the flyer wrong. I could have sworn it said, 'Dinner show, ' unicycle girl with huge jugglers performing at each table.' 1.3368 0.05720 95 67 24 4
1310 Usually customers just order food! 1.3367 0.06144 98 72 19 7
1311 So, in your dating profile you said you want to meet someone who can juggle whatever life throws at them, right? 1.3367 0.06948 98 77 9 12
1312 Can you move your glass? You always make things so difficult! 1.3365 0.06051 104 77 19 8
1313 If you want to add a baby, I suggest we drop the chain saw. 1.3365 0.05895 104 76 21 7
1314 What? Too much for a first date? 1.3364 0.05466 107 76 26 5
1315 Lisa has substantially upped her dating game during COVID. 1.3364 0.05368 110 78 27 5
1316 I see you’ve mastered work life balance. 1.3333 0.05424 108 77 26 5
1317 Isn't it obvious? I'm a single mom! 1.3333 0.06091 99 73 19 7
1318 Do I have the Covid vaccine? Are you crazy? I heard it's dangerous. 1.3333 0.05743 99 71 23 5
1319 No, I'm not vaccinated. It's too risky. 1.3333 0.06471 87 64 17 6
1320 Denise said I should do my best to impress you on our first date. What do you think so far? 1.3333 0.06704 90 68 14 8
1321 I’m juggling quite a bit right now, but I think I can fit you in my life.” 1.3333 0.06845 84 63 14 7
1322 I can also juggle several serious relationships at once. 1.3333 0.05801 102 74 22 6
1323 This is as special as it gets, buddy. 1.3333 0.06334 81 58 19 4
1324 Yes, it's a really big match... That's the part of this you have questions about? 1.3333 0.06398 96 72 16 8
1325 I got bored making sourdough bread. 1.3333 0.06845 84 63 14 7
1326 I hope this works. I can’t sing for shit. 1.3333 0.06086 81 57 21 3
1327 It’s fine! We’re both vaccinated. 1.3333 0.06632 84 62 16 6
1328 No more so than not masking! 1.3333 0.05987 93 67 21 5
1329 I had a lot of down time during Covid 1.3333 0.06261 87 63 19 5
1330 See, I'm well balanced 1.3333 0.06667 75 54 17 4
1331 Still not impressed? Ok, now toss me that glass of lighter fluid. 1.3333 0.06886 99 78 9 12
1332 Here, you can have this torch I've been carrying for you along with all your other junk. 1.3333 0.05920 99 72 21 6
1333 You don't look like you've dated any jugglers before 1.3333 0.06261 87 63 19 5
1334 So what were you saying about my unasserted, timid personality 1.3333 0.06932 75 55 15 5
1335 I thought it wise to quit lap dancing and get into something safer for the time being. 1.3333 0.06086 81 57 21 3
1336 So I’m an introvert and don’t like being the center of attention. How about you? 1.3333 0.06179 93 68 19 6
1337 I didn't want to put these skills on my Tinder profile. I thought it might scare you away. 1.3333 0.05561 99 70 25 4
1338 Now throw me your glass. 1.3333 0.06546 93 70 15 8
1339 And . . . you won't need to look at your phone the whole evening! 1.3333 0.06471 87 64 17 6
1340 Next and most dangerous, sending my children back to school. 1.3333 0.06412 84 61 18 5
1341 Stop trying so hard, I already like you 1.3333 0.06185 84 60 20 4
1342 - I do budgets. 1.3333 0.06932 75 55 15 5
1343 Congratulations, Susan. You’ve turned into your mother. 1.3333 0.06888 90 69 12 9
1344 the things i got to do to compete with a smartphone 1.3333 0.06321 90 66 18 6
1345 Why, yes I am a working parent. 1.3333 0.05966 102 75 20 7
1346 'So can I have the job?' 1.3333 0.06334 81 58 19 4
1347 Surprisingly, it wasn’t the last time Bill visited the circus strip club 1.3333 0.06732 96 74 12 10
1348 Yes, it's difficult, but it's still easier than making conversation on a first date. 1.3302 0.05482 106 76 25 5
1349 Of COURSE I’m not vaccinated. 1.3302 0.06102 106 80 17 9
1350 Alright, I get it! You’re juggling a lot right now. Can we please order? 1.3302 0.05643 106 77 23 6
1351 You’re making a great case for curbside pickup… 1.3301 0.05917 103 76 20 7
1352 Phyllis had a history of failing to make a good impression on first dates. 1.3301 0.06381 103 79 14 10
1353 I’ve found this has made dating a lot less scary. 1.3301 0.06230 103 78 16 9
1354 How about you,what are your hobbies? 1.3301 0.05917 103 76 20 7
1355 This is nothing. I'm also a single mom. 1.3300 0.06204 100 75 17 8
1356 And if you choose me, I'll bring home the bacon AND fry it up in a pan. 1.3300 0.05695 100 72 23 5
1357 You seem tense. Do you not date much? 1.3299 0.06341 97 73 16 8
1358 When I said my life is a circus, I meant that literally. 1.3299 0.05811 97 70 22 5
1359 Failure is totally an option. 1.3299 0.05811 97 70 22 5
1360 Pardon me, would you hand me that glass? 1.3298 0.06307 94 70 17 7
1361 So how was golf? 1.3298 0.06486 94 71 15 8
1362 No, I was asking if you struggle with anything. 1.3298 0.06307 94 70 17 7
1363 When I said I was interested in someone who could multi task, I meant doing the laundry and taking care of the kids 1.3297 0.05646 91 64 24 3
1364 When they said indoor dining was risky I didn’t realize this is what they meant. 1.3297 0.06261 91 67 18 6
1365 But yeah, not commuting has been nice. 1.3297 0.05646 91 64 24 3
1366 Is my EX still pretending not to notice our crazy date? 1.3295 0.06201 88 64 19 5
1367 I can hardly wait to see your icebreaker. 1.3295 0.06609 88 66 15 7
1368 You should see me in bed! 1.3295 0.06609 88 66 15 7
1369 For my next trick I will juggle my career, my social life, and our relationship while you sit on your ass and do nothing 1.3295 0.06804 88 67 13 8
1370 My therapist thought it might save our marriage if I showed you what mental load looks like. 1.3294 0.06124 85 61 20 4
1371 Things are still up on the air between us. 1.3294 0.06775 85 64 14 7
1372 For an extra 20, I'll throw in a lap dance. 1.3294 0.06124 85 61 20 4
1373 Didn’t you say “Go for the jugular!”? 1.3294 0.06775 85 64 14 7
1374 Don't worry. I have triplet toddlers at home. 1.3294 0.06348 85 62 18 5
1375 After four years of working in the West Wing, this is EASY! 1.3294 0.06775 85 64 14 7
1376 Well, you asked me what life with kids in a pandemic has been like. 1.3294 0.06565 85 63 16 6
1377 Honey, of course I’m making room for you in my life.” 1.3294 0.06124 85 61 20 4
1378 So what quarantine hobbies did you pick up? 1.3293 0.06270 82 59 19 4
1379 My doctor thinks I'm overcompensating, but I don't see it. 1.3293 0.05770 82 57 23 2
1380 How much do you weigh? 1.3293 0.06733 82 61 15 6
1381 You said you wanted some action. 1.3293 0.06505 82 60 17 5
1382 It's not that I don't want to see you again--things are just a little up in the air for me right now. 1.3293 0.06733 82 61 15 6
1383 Dinner theater isn't what it used to be. 1.3293 0.06505 82 60 17 5
1384 I'm not one for small talk. 1.3291 0.06426 79 57 18 4
1385 Will you marry me now? 1.3291 0.06674 79 58 16 5
1386 If they see you first, catch their eye! 1.3291 0.07143 79 60 12 7
1387 I chose not to get vaccinated; I think it’s too risky. 1.3291 0.06912 79 59 14 6
1388 Now I say, "Fine, how was your day?" 1.3289 0.06854 76 56 15 5
1389 Okay, now that I have your attention. 1.3289 0.05739 76 52 23 1
1390 I work from home with my two cats now. It's been pretty chill. How about you? 1.3289 0.06037 76 53 21 2
1391 Tuesday I do brain surgery and Wednesday I sing at the Met. 1.3288 0.07313 73 55 12 6
1392 ... and I am working on chewing gum at the same time. 1.3286 0.07538 70 53 11 6
1393 I just realized how much I missed seeing the Rockettes last year! 1.3286 0.07538 70 53 11 6
1394 You're probably right - it's more dangerous for you" 1.3282 0.05018 131 95 29 7
1395 So....what are your hobbies? 1.3280 0.05421 125 93 23 9
1396 See, much easier without a mask. 1.3274 0.05684 113 84 21 8
1397 Table dancers sure have changed since my college days! 1.3274 0.05543 113 83 23 7
1398 If there’s a better way to keep people 6ft away than being a juggling unicyclist than I haven’t seen it. 1.3274 0.06087 113 87 15 11
1399 I saw “multitasking” on your LinkedIn profile but I wasn’t expecting this. 1.3273 0.05792 110 82 20 8
1400 Typically I use a bowling pin, but I think you get the picture 1.3271 0.05599 107 78 23 6
1401 You ordered the tossed salad? 1.3267 0.05821 101 74 21 6
1402 I can also navigate a government bureaucracy. 1.3265 0.05761 98 71 22 5
1403 You might want to move your drink. 1.3265 0.06115 98 73 18 7
1404 Sure I can manage to juggle a relationship with you into my schedule. Come on up. 1.3265 0.05941 98 72 20 6
1405 It's amazing what you can learn if you log off of Twitter for a few hours. 1.3263 0.05487 95 67 25 3
1406 I'm thinking I'll just have the meatloaf. 1.3263 0.05687 95 68 23 4
1407 Too much? 1.3261 0.05806 92 66 22 4
1408 Give me that glass. 1.3261 0.06008 92 67 20 5
1409 That's not true... I can let you be the center of attention sometimes. 1.3261 0.06577 92 70 14 8
1410 And this is when Cuomo tried to hit on me 1.3261 0.06008 92 67 20 5
1411 Vaccination? Hell No! It is too unsafe. 1.3261 0.06577 92 70 14 8
1412 Get used to it . . . this is what I consider foreplay. 1.3258 0.06545 89 67 15 7
1413 Sorry -- I'm really bad at first-date small talk. 1.3258 0.06347 89 66 17 6
1414 You agreed that I get to pick the trust exercise.... 1.3258 0.05712 89 63 23 3
1415 ”I forgot to mention this skill in our last phone interview! 1.3258 0.05931 89 64 21 4
1416 Hmm.. I could swear the ad said risque girls not risky 1.3258 0.06143 89 65 19 5
1417 Yes, I suppose I could smile more, too. 1.3258 0.06143 89 65 19 5
1418 When we married, I brought two kids and he brought three. This is WAY easier. 1.3256 0.06286 86 63 18 5
1419 Let me explain a bit more about tonight’s specials. 1.3256 0.06286 86 63 18 5
1420 'I always like to make an impression on first dates!' 1.3256 0.05595 86 60 24 2
1421 As you can tell by how this date has been going I have no personality, but I CAN do THIS. 1.3256 0.06707 86 65 14 7
1422 I'm ready to have kids, Darren. 1.3253 0.06880 83 63 13 7
1423 When your Tinder profile said you can juggle many different things at one time, I didn't imagine this is what you meant. 1.3253 0.06206 83 60 19 4
1424 Then, after my fifth cup of coffee, I said sure, I'd love to organize the second grade job fair, because why shouldn't those little buggers get a sense of what it's like to have a master's degree in a gig economy and still feel under appreciated? 1.3253 0.07090 83 64 11 8
1425 Managing Covid 1.3253 0.06206 83 60 19 4
1426 Today's president's specials are brought to you by the IPCC's Climate Change report. Start off with an inverted entreé by Roosevelt: We have everything to fear, including fear itself. 1.3250 0.06358 80 58 18 4
1427 Hi, Doug! Elizabeth will not be joining you this evening. I'm here to deliver a singing telegram about how you make her feel. 1.3250 0.07286 80 62 10 8
1428 Have we gotten the waiter's attention, yet?" 1.3247 0.07025 77 58 13 6
1429 Nothing much. How about you? 1.3247 0.06521 77 56 17 4
1430 I'm thirsty. Can you hand me the glass of water? 1.3247 0.07025 77 58 13 6
1431 It's way easier than small talk. 1.3247 0.06253 77 55 19 3
1432 Lemme guess, you’ve got a lot on your plate? 1.3247 0.06253 77 55 19 3
1433 Was all that in your purse? 1.3243 0.06966 74 55 14 5
1434 Tell the chef to surprise me. 1.3243 0.07227 74 56 12 6
1435 Handing off to you! 1.3239 0.06884 71 52 15 4
1436 I found this a useful skill when I worked for Andrew Cuomo. 1.3239 0.07711 71 55 9 7
1437 ...and I'm good in bed! 1.3239 0.07170 71 53 13 5
1438 But I do have a hard time juggling my love life,work,and the pandemic. 1.3238 0.06274 105 81 14 10
1439 You wanna have sex? 1.3238 0.05820 105 78 20 7
1440 Should have saved it for the second date 1.3235 0.05243 102 72 27 3
1441 You think this is juggling?? Try working, cooking, cleaning, being mom, babysitting, Zooming 7 times a days, dog walking 5 times a days. Wife, lover, mentor, psychiatrist and home-schooling AND I’ve got my own crap to deal with! 1.3235 0.06256 102 78 15 9
1442 And I can cook. 1.3232 0.05529 99 71 24 4
1443 No, no, Dan, you sit, I'll make dinner 1.3232 0.05890 99 73 20 6
1444 Please don’t ask me to repeat the specials. 1.3229 0.06014 96 71 19 6
1445 I think I’m ready for kids. 1.3226 0.06146 93 69 18 6
1446 I knew something was not right. I forgot my mask. 1.3222 0.06286 90 67 17 6
1447 But masks are just so hard 1.3222 0.06482 90 68 15 7
1448 Now do you still think I was lying on my Bumble profile? 1.3222 0.06085 90 66 19 5
1449 I knew I could get you to put your phone down eventually. How was your day? 1.3221 0.04692 149 109 32 8
1450 It's not as hard as juggling parenting and working full time during the pandemic. 1.3220 0.05500 118 88 22 8
1451 I'm sorry, Ted.  I always get nervous on first dates and overcompensate. 1.3218 0.06006 87 63 20 4
1452 And how about you, do you have any hobbies? 1.3218 0.06224 87 64 18 5
1453 I’m from Portland, and you? 1.3218 0.06436 87 65 16 6
1454 If it’s not too much to ask, can you refill my glass with water? 1.3218 0.06224 87 64 18 5
1455 Yes, I have been told there are better ways of getting out of small-talk. 1.3214 0.06595 84 63 15 6
1456 No… I did go to college. I was a philosophy major. 1.3214 0.06374 84 62 17 5
1457 Well, it’s easier than teaching 3rd grade during Covid. 1.3214 0.06374 84 62 17 5
1458 It wasn't until my bowling accident when everything fell into place 1.3214 0.05658 84 59 23 2
1459 ... and this is my MasterClass. 1.3214 0.05906 84 60 21 3
1460 Sir, can you please put on your face mask? 1.3214 0.06374 84 62 17 5
1461 Yeah, Iwould consider my quarantine productive 1.3214 0.05658 84 59 23 2
1462 Next, I dive into the glass of water. 1.3210 0.06989 81 62 12 7
1463 She was flirting with disaster while flirting with disaster. 1.3210 0.06292 81 59 18 4
1464 Yeah, the fiddler called in sick. 1.3210 0.06292 81 59 18 4
1465 No high heels, but I am peddling backwards. 1.3210 0.05507 81 56 24 1
1466 Next I will attempt looking fully woke. 1.3210 0.06042 81 58 20 3
1467 Now, could you toss me that glass of gasoline, hon? 1.3210 0.06042 81 58 20 3
1468 I specifically requested no chainsaws 1.3210 0.06989 81 62 12 7
1469 Okay now, pull the tablecloth out. 1.3205 0.06703 78 58 15 5
1470 When you asked me out for dinner and a show I thought if you paid for dinner I should do my part. 1.3205 0.06703 78 58 15 5
1471 You had me at the unicycle. 1.3205 0.06703 78 58 15 5
1472 It was then John knew he needed to take “likes dangerous women” out of his tinder profile 1.3205 0.06947 78 59 13 6
1473 You WILL call me again, right? RIGHT? 1.3204 0.05888 103 77 19 7
1474 And that was the first hour of MY day. 1.3200 0.06886 75 56 14 5
1475 I rarely draw attention to myself. 1.3200 0.05664 100 73 22 5
1476 oh fuck 1.3200 0.07631 75 59 8 8
1477 I'd like another drink when you have a moment, please. 1.3200 0.06620 75 55 16 4
1478 After parenting while working during lock down this is a cake walk 1.3200 0.07143 75 57 12 6
1479 I stopped drinking because I just learned I'm pregnant. 1.3196 0.06139 97 73 17 7
1480 Throw your drink up, I’ll juggle that too 1.3191 0.05899 94 69 20 5
1481 Really, Susan, you don’t have to do this. You had me at “hello.” 1.3191 0.06090 94 70 18 6
1482 When they said "Nightly Entertainment" I had no idea! 1.3191 0.05286 94 66 26 2
1483 What skills did you pick up during Covid? 1.3190 0.05281 116 85 25 6
1484 I'm juggling too much these days. I'm guessing when dinner arrives, there will also be too much on my plate. 1.3188 0.06999 69 51 14 4
1485 It’s no big deal. All women have to do this all the time. 1.3187 0.06420 91 69 15 7
1486 It's actually harder juggling my career and dating. 1.3187 0.05822 91 66 21 4
1487 Which works better for you, chain saw on, or off? 1.3187 0.06028 91 67 19 5
1488 This is how I thank you for lunch. You should see how I'd thank you for dinner. 1.3182 0.06882 66 48 15 3
1489 And before you ask, no, I won't do this backwards in heels. 1.3182 0.05949 88 64 20 4
1490 I was going to guess tax accountant, but I may be off. 1.3182 0.05725 88 63 22 3
1491 It really calms my nerves on a first date 1.3182 0.05725 88 63 22 3
1492 And who said we weren’t able to juggle dinner and a show in one night? 1.3182 0.06770 88 68 12 8
1493 Sorry, I know it's only our second date...am I moving things too fast for you? 1.3182 0.06574 88 67 14 7
1494 Anything to avoid small talk. 1.3182 0.06574 88 67 14 7
1495 I learned doing this during quarantine. How about you? 1.3182 0.06373 88 66 16 6
1496 But seriously David, the vaccination are dangerous. 1.3182 0.06373 88 66 16 6
1497 I hope this gets the attention of our waiter. 1.3176 0.06083 85 62 19 4
1498 What do these three items have in common? 1.3176 0.05849 85 61 21 3
1499 Singing would have been enough. 1.3176 0.06083 85 62 19 4
1500 You think this is dangerous? Try being in a relationship with a 42-year-old guy who can’t commit. 1.3176 0.05849 85 61 21 3
1501 No, really. I’m listening. 1.3176 0.05849 85 61 21 3
1502 If you think a wife should stick to juggling kitchenware, you've got the wrong girl, buddy. 1.3173 0.05840 104 78 19 7
1503 Happy now that 'Female Multitasker' isn't a social construct? And pass the salt. 1.3173 0.06151 104 80 15 9
1504 In 2020. Why do you ask? 1.3171 0.06227 82 60 18 4
1505 Before we order I wanted to talk to you about where you were last night. 1.3171 0.06693 82 62 14 6
1506 I know. I know. You probably thought I exaggerated my skills on the dating website. 1.3171 0.06464 82 61 16 5
1507 No, please, tell me more about your fantasy league. 1.3171 0.05981 82 59 20 3
1508 This isn’t about you. 1.3171 0.06693 82 62 14 6
1509 I swear I never do this on a first date. 1.3171 0.06227 82 60 18 4
1510 Don't sell yourself short - college a cappella is really cool! 1.3171 0.06464 82 61 16 5
1511 Just tell me when 1.3171 0.06227 82 60 18 4
1512 She’s always giving me the whole ‘I forgot my wallet’ song and dance. 1.3171 0.06693 82 62 14 6
1513 I’m an E.R. Doc on the side. 1.3165 0.06630 79 59 15 5
1514 Now with a quick motion pull the tablecloth. 1.3165 0.06630 79 59 15 5
1515 Would you describe yourself as an optimist or a pessimist? 1.3165 0.06871 79 60 13 6
1516 Feel free to jump in anytime. 1.3163 0.05728 98 72 21 5
1517 I'm a champion at what I do. There's no reason you should find that emasculating, unless I drop the chainsaw. 1.3158 0.07061 76 58 12 6
1518 Catch! 1.3158 0.07305 76 59 10 7
1519 So this is one of those 'circus to table' places I've been hearing about. 1.3158 0.06035 95 71 18 6
1520 It's either this or worry about the climate emergency all day. 1.3158 0.06546 76 56 16 4
1521 Not what I had in mind when I asked for the price of a trick 1.3158 0.06546 76 56 16 4
1522 I couldn't get my sourdough starter to work. This was my second choice. 1.3158 0.06035 95 71 18 6
1523 Look at what I* learned to do in quarantine! 1.3158 0.06218 95 72 16 7
1524 You can remove the tablecloth now. 1.3158 0.06546 76 56 16 4
1525 Vaccination is too risky. 1.3158 0.07061 76 58 12 6
1526 you think this is good? For my next trick I'll play the role of your mother for the next 30 years! 1.3158 0.05847 95 70 20 5
1527 Couldn’t we just go back to your place and have sex? 1.3153 0.06136 111 87 13 11
1528 Dad's a psychoanalyst. 1.3152 0.06359 92 70 15 7
1529 And how do YOU get your kicks? 1.3152 0.05558 92 66 23 3
1530 I really just wanted to know the specials. 1.3152 0.06169 92 69 17 6
1531 Hand me that glass on three. 1.3152 0.05972 92 68 19 5
1532 How are we today? 1.3152 0.05769 92 67 21 4
1533 The last waitress couldn't multi-task. 1.3151 0.06433 73 53 17 3
1534 Hey, it's a living. 1.3151 0.05812 73 51 21 1
1535 As George watched in awe it suddenly dawned on him...Wow, that's a humongous match. 1.3151 0.07267 73 56 11 6
1536 Just Relax. I rarely drop anything. 1.3151 0.06433 73 53 17 3
1537 I was afraid we might run out of things to talk about. 1.3150 0.05327 127 96 22 9
1538 I learned a few different skills in quarantine. 1.3146 0.05671 89 64 22 3
1539 You just aren’t holding up your end of the conversation anymore. 1.3146 0.05892 89 65 20 4
1540 When her profile read that she had escaped from a circus he thought she was referring to a bad marriage. 1.3146 0.05892 89 65 20 4
1541 I can't wait to get you in the sack! 1.3143 0.06914 70 52 14 4
1542 I tried two cats and a loaded pistol but too many women objected. 1.3143 0.05792 105 79 19 7
1543 I don’t usually do this on a first date. 1.3143 0.06286 70 50 18 2
1544 Oh, unvaccinated people are idiots who endanger themselves and everybody around them? Could an idiot who endangers herself and everybody around her do this? 1.3140 0.06247 86 64 17 5
1545 Not bad, but I can recite 1000 digits of Pi. 1.3140 0.06247 86 64 17 5
1546 Do you ever feel like you’re juggling too many things at once? 1.3140 0.06247 86 64 17 5
1547 Sir, I'm thrilled you chose the cirque du soleil special 1.3140 0.06462 86 65 15 6
1548 Yeah I know it’s risky, but honestly it just feels so good to be able to sit inside a restaurant now, ya know? 1.3140 0.06872 86 67 11 8
1549 Who said women CAN’T have it all? 1.3140 0.06247 86 64 17 5
1550 My doctor recommended anti-anxiety meds also, but this was my second choice 1.3140 0.06462 86 65 15 6
1551 So tell me a little about you. 1.3137 0.05742 102 76 20 6
1552 I think I'm ready to be a mother now. 1.3134 0.08017 67 53 7 7
1553 I use this to show my students what the risk of not getting vaccinated looks like. 1.3134 0.07431 67 51 11 5
1554 See how long it takes you to check your phone. 1.3134 0.07120 67 50 13 4
1555 Okay throw me all your insecurities and regrets. 1.3133 0.05920 83 60 20 3
1556 And on our second date, I'll.... 1.3133 0.05667 83 59 22 2
1557 I have no idea what I’m dong! 1.3133 0.06623 83 63 14 6
1558 What’s a girl gotta do to get a drink around here? 1.3133 0.06623 83 63 14 6
1559 It's training for working at home with the kids "online learning". 1.3133 0.06623 83 63 14 6
1560 I felt like branching out to something other than baking during the lockdown. 1.3133 0.05667 83 59 22 2
1561 No need to get up, I’m handling everything just fine. 1.3133 0.06397 83 62 16 5
1562 The food is good here, but good luck getting the waiter’s attention! 1.3133 0.05920 83 60 20 3
1563 When you said dinner and a show, this was not what I was picturing. 1.3133 0.06623 83 63 14 6
1564 Pass me that cup of kerosene, will you 1.3133 0.06397 83 62 16 5
1565 It distracts me from climate change. 1.3125 0.07345 64 48 12 4
1566 Too much for a first date, right? 1.3125 0.05602 96 70 22 4
1567 I can easily juggle you too. 1.3125 0.06796 80 61 13 6
1568 And this is just the beginning of my argument against vaccination. 1.3125 0.06559 80 60 15 5
1569 As Peggy Lee put it, "I got a twenty dollar gold piece says there ain't nothing I can't do. I can make a dress out of a feed bag and I can make a man out of you" 1.3125 0.05981 96 72 18 6
1570 How about you? What hobbies did you take up during quarantine? 1.3125 0.06559 80 60 15 5
1571 Dan was beginning to regret saying he liked “multitasking” on his dating profile. 1.3125 0.06796 80 61 13 6
1572 You were the one who couldn’t handle what life threw at us, Dave. 1.3125 0.06313 80 59 17 4
1573 So what new skills did you learn during the pandemic? 1.3125 0.05790 80 57 21 2
1574 I was thinking of adding a porcupine or a small bottle of nitro glycerine to jazz up the act. Your thoughts? 1.3125 0.05602 96 70 22 4
1575 I quit my job as a grade school teacher b/c it was too dangerous. 1.3125 0.06559 80 60 15 5
1576 ‘Just a little something I picked up during covid.’ 1.3125 0.06162 96 73 16 7
1577 Dave, I think we should see other people. 1.3118 0.05716 93 68 21 4
1578 Now do I have your attention?! 1.3117 0.06203 77 56 18 3
1579 I don't think we can see each other anymore. I've got a lot going on. 1.3117 0.06473 77 57 16 4
1580 Stick a broom up my butt and I’ll sweep all the crumbs away! 1.3117 0.07222 77 60 10 7
1581 If you want to make rent, you're really going to have to step up your act", said the restaurant manager 1.3117 0.06203 77 56 18 3
1582 Maybe I’m trying too hard.. . 1.3117 0.06732 77 58 14 5
1583 Well? I have a lot of things in the air right now - let me get back to you. 1.3111 0.06047 90 67 18 5
1584 Don’t stress it. My ex-boyfriend is out of IC U now. Last I heard he’s doing fine. 1.3111 0.06047 90 67 18 5
1585 Dangerous? Not nearly as dangerous as you not wearing a mask!! 1.3111 0.06047 90 67 18 5
1586 Dating during Covid is risky! 1.3111 0.06047 90 67 18 5
1587 « I’m not sure that’s what they mean when they talk about triple threat Linda» 1.3111 0.06250 90 68 16 6
1588 This wasn't what I pictured when you said dinner and a show.. 1.3111 0.05837 90 66 20 4
1589 Wait for the dismount! 1.3108 0.06360 74 54 17 3
1590 I just wanted to know what your hobbies were. 1.3107 0.06019 103 79 16 8
1591 When your tinder profile mentioned that you're into exotic entertainment, I was really thinking of something else 1.3107 0.05694 103 77 20 6
1592 When I stop you'll need to catch the saw. 1.3103 0.06802 87 68 11 8
1593 I have to say, this is the hardest interview I've ever had. 1.3103 0.05965 87 64 19 4
1594 I used to be stay at home mom. This is a breeze. 1.3103 0.05736 87 63 21 3
1595 Just doing what women do every day, same as you." 1.3103 0.06185 87 65 17 5
1596 I also juggle a career,kids,yoga,cooking… 1.3103 0.05965 87 64 19 4
1597 All I wanted was the chef's special. 1.3103 0.06185 87 65 17 5
1598 Even with my juggling skills as a waitress or my waitressing skills as a juggler, spaghetti is a challenge. 1.3103 0.06397 87 66 15 6
1599 This is not what I meant by ‘dinner and a show’ 1.3103 0.06185 87 65 17 5
1600 Motherhood 1.3103 0.06185 87 65 17 5
1601 You don’t look like your picture 1.3100 0.05808 100 75 19 6
1602 So you can imagine how good I am in bed. 1.3099 0.07118 71 54 12 5
1603 ...and then they asked if I could do it topless. 1.3099 0.06830 71 53 14 4
1604 Honey, could you get my mask from my bag? You're not vaccinated, and you know how I put safety above all else. 1.3095 0.06332 84 63 16 5
1605 See, it’s just like not being vaccinated. I’m the only one who could possibly get hurt! 1.3095 0.06554 84 64 14 6
1606 I don’t remember pre-pandemic socializing being this hard. 1.3095 0.05861 84 61 20 3
1607 I should have mentioned this in my tinder profile. 1.3095 0.06101 84 62 18 4
1608 I feel more comfortable doing this than telling you about myself. 1.3093 0.05744 97 72 20 5
1609 Just curious if you’ll ever ask me a question. 1.3093 0.05554 97 71 22 4
1610 Eh, this is nothing. I’ve got four other jobs just to make rent. 1.3093 0.05928 97 73 18 6
1611 On three, slowly hand me the glass of water. 1.3088 0.07629 68 53 9 6
1612 this is a little forward for a first date 1.3088 0.06710 68 50 15 3
1613 It’s not as easy as it looks 1.3088 0.07030 68 51 13 4
1614 Waiter still not coming over here. Try taking off your shirt and shoes. 1.3086 0.05994 81 59 19 3
1615 I just think a relationship should have a little danger, that’s all 1.3086 0.06489 81 61 15 5
1616 Any chance you could work a Chai Latte into the rotation? 1.3086 0.06489 81 61 15 5
1617 Don’t just sit there, order me a latte. 1.3086 0.05994 81 59 19 3
1618 It’s ok, I’ll do it 1.3086 0.06246 81 60 17 4
1619 COVID was a breeze. 1.3085 0.05863 94 70 19 5
1620 Juggling is a survival skills for moms! 1.3085 0.05863 94 70 19 5
1621 I’m bad at small talk. 1.3085 0.05459 94 68 23 3
1622 I have a three STRIKES policy, Dale, and you DO NOT want to find out how the chainsaw fits into this! 1.3085 0.06241 94 72 15 7
1623 Is this your first speed dating event? 1.3084 0.05541 107 80 21 6
1624 'I like puppies and moonlit walks on the beach' wasn't getting me anywhere. 1.3077 0.06907 65 48 14 3
1625 … but thank you for taking out the trash. 1.3077 0.07247 65 49 12 4
1626 Ha! You think this is stressful. I used to be an ER nurse. 1.3077 0.06190 91 69 16 6
1627 The benefits of the Covid lockdown. 1.3077 0.06903 78 60 12 6
1628 Pandemic hobby....while I stayed safe at home. 1.3077 0.05968 104 80 16 8
1629 Safer than what you ordered. 1.3077 0.06657 78 59 14 5
1630 Do you think it's good enough to impress your mother? 1.3077 0.07247 65 49 12 4
1631 My friends say I get a bit anxious on first dates. 1.3077 0.06903 78 60 12 6
1632 I teach middle level counterclockwise hyperactivity for lefties. 1.3077 0.06385 91 70 14 7
1633 Consider it an amuse-bouche. 1.3077 0.06573 91 71 12 8
1634 Not the 'triple threat' I had in mind when I read your profile bio 1.3077 0.06550 65 47 16 2
1635 I really have to earn my $15/hour 1.3077 0.06657 78 59 14 5
1636 Carl once again is reminded that "go for the juggler, " is simply not in his nature. 1.3069 0.06253 101 79 13 9
1637 Here's me "SITTING." "All day." With three kids. Now toss me a bon-bon. 1.3069 0.06253 101 79 13 9
1638 I will not be ignored. 1.3068 0.05907 88 65 19 4
1639 OK now it's your turn 1.3068 0.06124 88 66 17 5
1640 What makes you think I'm not ready to make a commitment? 1.3068 0.06124 88 66 17 5
1641 Dating without alcohol 1.3068 0.06734 88 69 11 8
1642 They told me meeting a girl would relieve my anxiety. 1.3067 0.06837 75 57 13 5
1643 This should give me an edge over all the other women returning to the workforce. 1.3067 0.06569 75 56 15 4
1644 I can do four, if you'll just loan me your head. 1.3067 0.06288 75 55 17 3
1645 Wanna play torch, ball and saw? 1.3067 0.06837 75 57 13 5
1646 Throw some low expectations and misogyny up here. I can take it.” 1.3067 0.06837 75 57 13 5
1647 I can also produce babies. 1.3067 0.06569 75 56 15 4
1648 Yeah, unemployment benefits ended last week. 1.3067 0.06837 75 57 13 5
1649 Me? I work in insurance. 1.3067 0.05687 75 53 21 1
1650 So let me introduce myself... 1.3067 0.06569 75 56 15 4
1651 Easy compared to home-schooling 1.3065 0.08159 62 49 7 6
1652 No, I don't really have any hobbies. 1.3065 0.06739 62 45 15 2
1653 When you said it was hard to date right now because you had a lot to juggle, I didn’t expect this… 1.3065 0.07828 62 48 9 5
1654 One of us must be crazy. 1.3061 0.05311 98 71 24 3
1655 Now will you concede that men are not as good at multi-tasking as women? 1.3061 0.05876 98 74 18 6
1656 I lean toward manic, but only on first dates. 1.3061 0.05694 98 73 20 5
1657 I invite you to check my references but I feel that I am well suited for the nanny position to help your little boy work on his risk taking behaviors. 1.3059 0.05803 85 62 20 3
1658 But wait, there’s more! 1.3059 0.05803 85 62 20 3
1659 I’ve been told I need to be more memorable on dates. 1.3059 0.06268 85 64 16 5
1660 Quick, now pull out the tablecloth Harry, and THAT’s how you do it 1.3059 0.06040 85 63 18 4
1661 Now will you let me order for myself? 1.3059 0.06268 85 64 16 5
1662 This is what homeschooling and working full-time feels like, Dear. 1.3059 0.06040 85 63 18 4
1663 We need to talk. 1.3059 0.06268 85 64 16 5
1664 I don’t think this is the table dance I requested! 1.3059 0.06700 85 66 12 7
1665 Do you think this can get the waiter's attention?" 1.3056 0.06748 72 54 14 4
1666 And the clowns do all the cooking – as Sir will soon realize 1.3053 0.05614 95 70 21 4
1667 I'm still divorcing you, Sharon. 1.3053 0.06000 95 72 17 6
1668 As I said in my profile,I love to multi-task! 1.3053 0.05810 95 71 19 5
1669 I found a new hobby during the Pandemic! 1.3053 0.05810 95 71 19 5
1670 Just say when 1.3049 0.05933 82 60 19 3
1671 Can you cook? 1.3049 0.06651 82 63 13 6
1672 Please don’t kick the match book cover out from under that leg, sir! 1.3049 0.06873 82 64 11 7
1673 Don't worry, I've met my deductible. 1.3049 0.05933 82 60 19 3
1674 You weren't kidding when your profile said you liked to clown around. 1.3049 0.06181 82 61 17 4
1675 I traded my phone for the chainsaw. People are less worried I will drop it. 1.3049 0.06181 82 61 17 4
1676 I know honey, it’s ok. You’re super busy too. 1.3049 0.06420 82 62 15 5
1677 Go ahead -- tell me about your lousy day at the office. 1.3043 0.06298 69 50 17 2
1678 Usually, I'm in high heels when I do this. 1.3043 0.05934 92 69 18 5
1679 I think I might order the tossed salad. 1.3043 0.06942 69 52 13 4
1680 I don't think that our life insurance policy is going to cover this. 1.3043 0.06132 92 70 16 6
1681 It all started when my mother told me to get my elbows off the table. Ha! Just look at me now! 1.3043 0.06627 69 51 15 3
1682 Well, it's the only sport not yet in the Olympics, and I want to be ready for Paris 2024, just in case... 1.3043 0.05729 92 68 20 4
1683 As if dating during a global pandemic wasn’t enough. 1.3043 0.07242 69 53 11 5
1684 And the specials tonight are... 1.3043 0.06942 69 52 13 4
1685 I just started with career and kids,and then gradually added these in. 1.3043 0.06510 92 72 12 8
1686 If you think this is difficult, try being a working mom. 1.3043 0.05729 92 68 20 4
1687 Your order is going to take a lot longer. 1.3039 0.05536 102 76 21 5
1688 Am I vaccinated? Could an unvaccinated person do this? 1.3039 0.05709 102 77 19 6
1689 Can't we just talk? 1.3038 0.06826 79 61 12 6
1690 Ready...now throw me the baby! 1.3038 0.06332 79 59 16 4
1691 Ok, you've made your point. So you're dating profile isn't exaggerated. 1.3038 0.06584 79 60 14 5
1692 I’m so glad I swiped right. 1.3038 0.06826 79 61 12 6
1693 On my count, throw me that glass of water. 1.3038 0.06826 79 61 12 6
1694 FYI, I’ve never juggled before. 1.3034 0.06472 89 69 13 7
1695 (“Oh, Jessica… You promised yourself you wouldn’t do this on the first date.”) 1.3034 0.06065 89 67 17 5
1696 I do weddings, bar mitzvahs and first dates. 1.3034 0.05397 89 64 23 2
1697 He loves me. He loves me not. 1.3034 0.05851 89 66 19 4
1698 This Lockdown really gets to you, doesn't it? 1.3034 0.05628 89 65 21 3
1699 And with my right foot, I will now swipe left on my phone. 1.3026 0.06218 76 56 17 3
1700 You’re the one that asked for more spontaneity in our relationship. 1.3026 0.05626 76 54 21 1
1701 To start your evening, the chef has made you an amused-douche. 1.3026 0.06759 76 58 13 5
1702 I'll only stop if you ask me to marry you 1.3026 0.07260 76 60 9 7
1703 I did say I was juggling a few things these days on Tinder 1.3026 0.07260 76 60 9 7
1704 I seem to go on a lot of first dates. 1.3026 0.05929 76 55 19 2
1705 Odd mating ritual... but it's kinda working for me 1.3026 0.05929 76 55 19 2
1706 My mother’s the bearded lady and my dad works in risk assessment. What do you do? 1.3026 0.06494 76 57 15 4
1707 … and that was the last time young David included “looking for someone adventurous” in his online dating profile. 1.3026 0.06759 76 58 13 5
1708 Let me know if you’d like a hard copy of my resume too. 1.3026 0.05929 76 55 19 2
1709 She looked younger in her profile picture... 1.3023 0.06421 86 66 14 6
1710 Hold on, the best part is coming! 1.3023 0.06204 86 65 16 5
1711 For our first date, I thought I’d show you how I can juggle everything and stay balanced. 1.3023 0.06421 86 66 14 6
1712 If you’ve got a better way of getting the waiter’s attention Gary, go for it. 1.3023 0.05503 86 62 22 2
1713 Sorry Stan, it’s not you,I’m just juggling too many things in my life now! 1.3021 0.05758 96 72 19 5
1714 It looks hard, but it’s easier than pretending to laugh at your jokes. 1.3016 0.07024 63 47 13 3
1715 I told you my life was a circus. 1.3016 0.07024 63 47 13 3
1716 I went camping with my bowling team, and, well, one thing led to another. 1.3016 0.06649 63 46 15 2
1717 You may want to move back, the ending's been giving me some trouble. 1.3016 0.07379 63 48 11 4
1718 I also adopted a dog, taught myself French, and learned to bake bread. 1.3014 0.06376 73 54 16 3
1719 And for my next trick, I will hold down a full time job and home school our children during a pandemic... 1.3014 0.06376 73 54 16 3
1720 Sorry, it's a nervous habit. 1.3014 0.06948 73 56 12 5
1721 Toss me a Ritalin, will you? 1.3014 0.07216 73 57 10 6
1722 You want fries with that? 1.3012 0.06580 83 64 13 6
1723 Student, athlete, part-time worker, and your bride-to-be. 1.3012 0.06117 83 62 17 4
1724 I was just bored one night and wanted to do something different. 1.3012 0.06117 83 62 17 4
1725 When do we eat? 1.3012 0.05349 83 59 23 1
1726 No, this is the easy part. The mental load is the real challenge. 1.3012 0.06353 83 63 15 5
1727 …and how was your day? Busy? 1.3012 0.05872 83 61 19 3
1728 With everything I’m juggling right now, it’s just not a good time for me to start a new relationship. 1.3011 0.06074 93 71 16 6
1729 But I hate long walks on the beach, guess we aren’t a match 1.3010 0.05132 103 75 25 3
1730 Is this what’s called a table show??? 1.3000 0.06547 70 52 15 3
1731 Impressive act. But I need to hire someone who can do it blindfolded. 1.3000 0.06409 90 70 13 7
1732 Marriage therapy trust building exercise gone rogue. 1.3000 0.06856 70 53 13 4
1733 I'm used to dating clowns. 1.3000 0.06848 60 44 14 2
1734 I picked theses tricks up during the first lockdown. 1.3000 0.05795 90 67 19 4
1735 Now you do this backwards in high heels. 1.3000 0.06409 90 70 13 7
1736 #Cartoon Caption Contest " Listen, you were late, so I had a few cocktails". 1.3000 0.06751 80 62 12 6
1737 I think we're getting the waiter's attention. 1.3000 0.05795 90 67 19 4
1738 This is just easier than carrying our conversation. 1.3000 0.05795 90 67 19 4
1739 When you mentioned your penchant for risky behavior, this wasn’t what I expected. 1.3000 0.05795 90 67 19 4
1740 As you see I am ready to get married. 1.3000 0.07249 60 45 12 3
1741 I’m not good at small talk but I have some cool motor skills ! 1.2989 0.06143 87 66 16 5
1742 Alright - you can multitask. I get it. 1.2989 0.05691 87 64 20 3
1743 I'm really glad we're taking things slow. On the second date, I usually just disappear. 1.2989 0.05451 87 63 22 2
1744 Capturing a server’s attention shouldn’t be this hard 1.2989 0.06143 87 66 16 5
1745 For your safety,masks are encouraged. 1.2987 0.06149 77 57 17 3
1746 But, honey, I want to try for a boy. 1.2987 0.05865 77 56 19 2
1747 Sorry if I seem a bit fidgety. I think it was the espresso. 1.2987 0.05865 77 56 19 2
1748 Make your own damn supper. 1.2987 0.07175 77 61 9 7
1749 I’m not quite ready to add in a relationship. 1.2987 0.05865 77 56 19 2
1750 These side hustles are really paying off 1.2987 0.06421 77 58 15 4
1751 This artistic interpretation of the last two years is spot on 1.2987 0.06682 77 59 13 5
1752 I finally got you to put your phone away!! 1.2985 0.07058 67 51 12 4
1753 Hi, I’m Kaylee and I’ll be your server tonight. 1.2985 0.06730 67 50 14 3
1754 You’ll excuse me if I seem nervous, this is my first time speed dating. 1.2979 0.06018 94 72 16 6
1755 I'm sorry. I've only been talking about myself. What can you juggle 1.2976 0.06287 84 64 15 5
1756 You told me Carl that you wanted an entertaining dinner date . 1.2976 0.05297 84 60 23 1
1757 My last dating app match called our date "boring". That won't happen again ! 1.2976 0.06511 84 65 13 6
1758 On the 4th date, I do it with my top off! 1.2976 0.06055 84 63 17 4
1759 Just want to give you a heads up on the new menu! 1.2976 0.06511 84 65 13 6
1760 See? I can handle your baggage. 1.2976 0.05813 84 62 19 3
1761 I do this when I'm nervous. 1.2973 0.05350 74 52 22 0
1762 Darling, you watch way too much porn. 1.2973 0.06590 74 56 14 4
1763 This is the juggling I had to do for our date tonight. 1.2973 0.06303 74 55 16 3
1764 Of course we can have sex, but after some foreplay 1.2973 0.06590 74 56 14 4
1765 Now throw me your red flag 1.2973 0.06590 74 56 14 4
1766 Stick around for the late show when I juggle the politics of the vaccine and masks! 1.2973 0.06865 74 57 12 5
1767 I am also caring for my aging parents and two kids. 1.2973 0.06590 74 56 14 4
1768 See? I wasn't lying on tinder. 1.2970 0.05548 101 76 20 5
1769 So what skills do YOU bring to the table? 1.2969 0.06929 64 48 13 3
1770 How’s this for spontaneous? 1.2969 0.07612 64 50 9 5
1771 So what did you learn during covid lock down? 1.2969 0.06929 64 48 13 3
1772 Yet I have trouble walking and chewing gum at the same time. Go figure. 1.2967 0.06151 91 70 15 6
1773 Just so you know I'm capable of being a mom. 1.2967 0.06347 91 71 13 7
1774 I heard vaccinations are dangerous!! 1.2967 0.06151 91 70 15 6
1775 Yes, I'll put on my mask. Gimme a sec... 1.2963 0.06197 81 61 16 4
1776 And so, we got divorced because my ex didn't fully appreciate my endless multi-tasking abilities... 1.2963 0.05943 81 60 18 3
1777 Your profile pic included an axe. 1.2963 0.07124 81 65 8 8
1778 Don't worry. We get workers comp. 1.2963 0.06442 81 62 14 5
1779 I’m every woman. It’s all in me. 1.2963 0.06442 81 62 14 5
1780 You had me at unicycle 1.2963 0.05943 81 60 18 3
1781 We're out of appetizers. 1.2958 0.06771 71 54 13 4
1782 No red flags whatsoever. 1.2958 0.07062 71 55 11 5
1783 It helps me practice mindfulness. 1.2958 0.05812 71 51 19 1
1784 Susan had a most peculiar way of avoiding eye contact when meeting people. 1.2958 0.06771 71 54 13 4
1785 If this doesn't get the waiter's attention, I don't know what will. 1.2958 0.06771 71 54 13 4
1786 Oh my god, it’s nice to be able to relax for once. 1.2958 0.06467 71 53 15 3
1787 Do I have your attention yet, Peter? 1.2955 0.05863 88 66 18 4
1788 So this is why I'm a widow. 1.2955 0.06293 88 68 14 6
1789 This is a high risk lifestyle, yes, but I don't drink or do drugs. 1.2955 0.06293 88 68 14 6
1790 They've asked us to go back to the office, I'm trying to prepare myself 1.2955 0.06293 88 68 14 6
1791 This is bound to attract the attention of the waiter 1.2951 0.06335 61 44 16 1
1792 Welcome to the cruise ship entertainment for the unvaxed. 1.2949 0.06607 78 60 13 5
1793 The fortune cookie said, "I'd watch where you sit, if I were you"! 1.2949 0.06082 78 58 17 3
1794 If you're not going to drink that water, just throw it here. 1.2949 0.06350 78 59 15 4
1795 You’re hired! 1.2949 0.06350 78 59 15 4
1796 And he still did not tip. 1.2949 0.06082 78 58 17 3
1797 Alison I just feel like our sex life isn’t what it used to be 1.2949 0.06607 78 60 13 5
1798 Now your Tinder bio makes more sense 1.2949 0.06854 78 61 11 6
1799 Best first date - first impression ever, right? 1.2947 0.05962 95 73 16 6
1800 I think you may have subscribed to the wrong online dating site. 1.2947 0.05370 95 70 22 3
1801 This isn't what I meant by dinner and a show. 1.2941 0.06968 68 52 12 4
1802 No, both my parents were accountants… 1.2941 0.06223 85 65 15 5
1803 I just picked it up yesterday during vacation from cooking our meals, raising our children and running a Fortune 500 company. 1.2941 0.07276 68 53 10 5
1804 No, this is my first try. Why do you ask? 1.2941 0.06968 68 52 12 4
1805 You're right, there's no good option if I mess up. 1.2941 0.06645 68 51 14 3
1806 Where there's a wheel, there's a way. 1.2941 0.06223 85 65 15 5
1807 They say you should start with just three objects and then work your way up 1.2941 0.05755 85 63 19 3
1808 Wow, I’m impressed your still sitting here. By know I usually lose my date….. one way or another. 1.2941 0.06223 85 65 15 5
1809 When you are getting over your 30s and have been single, randomly dating for years, you know how to deal... 😎 1.2941 0.05948 68 49 18 1
1810 No sir, this is Cirque du Solo. 1.2935 0.05893 92 70 17 5
1811 And for my encore, I'll pretend like your life is interesting. 1.2935 0.06093 92 71 15 6
1812 We have to entertain ourselves somehow since they stopped giving us crayons and placemats to draw on 1.2933 0.06231 75 56 16 3
1813 I’m guessing that you don’t know how to cook. 1.2933 0.06514 75 57 14 4
1814 Ooops, can you be a dear and catch the power saw? 1.2933 0.06785 75 58 12 5
1815 People are always surprise with how literal "juggling many things" is on my Tinder profile. 1.2933 0.06231 75 56 16 3
1816 Try mansplaining this! 1.2933 0.06785 75 58 12 5
1817 You always said you wanted something more exciting for dinner 1.2931 0.06511 58 42 15 1
1818 So continue mansplaining, what did you say I was doing wrong here? 1.2931 0.07382 58 44 11 3
1819 Floor show? That's so twentieth-century. 1.2927 0.06373 82 63 14 5
1820 I told you I have skills. I was being honest. 1.2927 0.06373 82 63 14 5
1821 Much easier than what I have to juggle everyday 1.2927 0.05881 82 61 18 3
1822 This relationship won't end well. 1.2927 0.06373 82 63 14 5
1823 Don’t worry, you know we women are multitaskers 1.2923 0.06476 65 48 15 2
1824 I’ve been burned before. 1.2923 0.06093 65 47 17 1
1825 And this routine is called “Stay Six Feet Away” 1.2923 0.07180 65 50 11 4
1826 Been so long since I’ve been out on a date. Not sure what to do with my hands. 1.2923 0.07507 65 51 9 5
1827 My mother wanted me to take ballet. 1.2921 0.05104 89 64 24 1
1828 But Alice, it will never become an Olympic Event no matter how much you train for it." 1.2917 0.06390 72 54 15 3
1829 Tell me this isn't a turn on! 1.2917 0.06390 72 54 15 3
1830 It just makes conversation on a first date so much easier. 1.2917 0.05719 96 73 18 5
1831 Hire me for a "trick"? No, sir. I perform feats. 1.2917 0.06091 96 75 14 7
1832 No. There's nothing you can help me with. 1.2917 0.06390 72 54 15 3
1833 This is how I stayed sane during the lockdown 1.2917 0.06076 72 53 17 2
1834 I'm sorry, it's been so long I've forgotten how to date normally 1.2913 0.04887 127 96 25 6
1835 I'm regretting this blind date. 1.2911 0.06534 79 61 13 5
1836 Don't you hate dating during the Olympics... 1.2911 0.06016 79 59 17 3
1837 I was hoping this might get a conversation going 1.2911 0.06016 79 59 17 3
1838 This is the only way I can make more than $15/hour. What do you think? 1.2911 0.06534 79 61 13 5
1839 I am listening. Go on. Finish telling me about your digital marketing management job. 1.2911 0.07013 79 63 9 7
1840 Since the divorce my life has been a circus. 1.2911 0.05740 79 58 19 2
1841 I'm just A typical girl - multitastking, fun and sometimes dangerous 1.2911 0.06777 79 62 11 6
1842 That’s nice, so are you vaccinated? 1.2911 0.06280 79 60 15 4
1843 If I were you, I would be far more supportive! 1.2907 0.06589 86 68 11 7
1844 I asked for a jigger. 1.2907 0.06159 86 66 15 5
1845 ‘Life’ is all about choices, isn’t it? 1.2907 0.06159 86 66 15 5
1846 It's a lot easier now that the children are in pre-school. 1.2907 0.05196 86 62 23 1
1847 So instead of first-date small talk, I present you with this metaphor. 1.2907 0.06589 86 68 11 7
1848 It's not you—I've just got a lot going on right now. 1.2906 0.05300 117 90 20 7
1849 When you told me you were comfortable going maskless on our first date, I assumed you'd be cool with this. 1.2903 0.06250 62 45 16 1
1850 Never again will I order a deconstructed sambuca." 1.2903 0.07046 62 47 12 3
1851 Amuse-gueule? 1.2903 0.07760 62 49 8 5
1852 That's enough about me - now let's hear about you! 1.2903 0.06035 93 72 15 6
1853 I can't stand a guy who just sits there. 1.2903 0.05838 93 71 17 5
1854 What does it take to impress you?! 1.2899 0.06229 69 51 16 2
1855 Career, marriage? No problem. What can you do?" 1.2899 0.06879 69 53 12 4
1856 They said not to try it at home. 1.2899 0.06562 69 52 14 3
1857 Finally time to relax and enjoy a nice- did I change the batteries in the smoke alarm? Are the kids signed up for fall league? Does the tree next to the house need cut back? 1.2899 0.07473 69 55 8 6
1858 The dangers of indoor dining 1.2899 0.06562 69 52 14 3
1859 Do you want to talk about Covid. climate change or gun control? I can even discuss all three at once!!! 1.2899 0.06879 69 53 12 4
1860 Your new antipasto skewers will be out in three minutes. Sorry I dropped your first order. On the plus side, I did not drop the chainsaw. 1.2895 0.06963 76 60 10 6
1861 Did I mention I’m an overachiever? 1.2895 0.06439 76 58 14 4
1862 My day was a bit of a challenge. How was yours? 1.2895 0.06160 76 57 16 3
1863 Does it make up for the fact I'm not much of a cook? 1.2895 0.05869 76 56 18 2
1864 See? If you’re vaccinated, dining out during COVID is perfectly safe! 1.2895 0.06160 76 57 16 3
1865 my boyfriend cuts my bangs 1.2892 0.06068 83 63 16 4
1866 When I said I fancied something different tonight I was thing more 'Chinese' 1.2892 0.06068 83 63 16 4
1867 You wanted an entertaining woman, well here you go sir! 1.2892 0.06068 83 63 16 4
1868 It's how I handle first date jitters. 1.2889 0.05751 90 68 18 4
1869 Student debt be damned, a degree from Clown College still has its perks. 1.2889 0.06170 90 70 14 6
1870 Don’t worry, you’re next. 1.2889 0.06170 90 70 14 6
1871 No. I haven't gotten my Covid vaccine. How'd you know? 1.2887 0.05855 97 75 16 6
1872 I can easily make it a table for one. 1.2887 0.05475 97 73 20 4
1873 I’d show you our dessert menu, but I’m more focused on not cutting myself right now. Also, I don’t work here. And this isn’t a restaurant 1.2881 0.07273 59 45 11 3
1874 Can you tell I went to Montessori school? 1.2879 0.06747 66 50 13 3
1875 My last boyfriend accused me of being a show-off. 1.2879 0.06017 66 48 17 1
1876 I told you, I can do it all! 1.2879 0.07406 66 52 9 5
1877 I did promise you dinner and a show. 1.2879 0.06747 66 50 13 3
1878 No, of course I love your work stories” 1.2879 0.07084 66 51 11 4
1879 When the interviewer asked about multitasking, he was both impressed and concerned with the job applicant. 1.2879 0.07084 66 51 11 4
1880 Dropping the ball is the least of my worries. 1.2877 0.06315 73 55 15 3
1881 I normally don’t do this ‘till the third date 1.2877 0.06315 73 55 15 3
1882 You say your family is like a three ring circus, so naturally I’ll fit right in. 1.2877 0.06891 73 57 11 5
1883 So how hard can it be to bring two waters? 1.2877 0.06609 73 56 13 4
1884 Public safety? What about my freedom? If others are afraid of my dangerous and irresponsible behavior they should just stay home. 1.2877 0.07162 73 58 9 6
1885 Is this casual enough for you? 1.2875 0.06212 80 61 15 4
1886 I don’t think so. What’s ADHD? 1.2875 0.05952 80 60 17 3
1887 This is what the New Normal looks like for me. 1.2874 0.05874 87 66 17 4
1888 Now toss me the glass of gasoline. 1.2857 0.05445 112 87 18 7
1889 …when I said “Table for one”, I know I didn’t mean “one wheel”…. 1.2857 0.05502 77 56 20 1
1890 Juggler? No, I'm an executive assistant 1.2857 0.07977 63 51 6 6
1891 I'm having a Barnum and Bailey moment. 1.2857 0.05804 77 57 18 2
1892 Consider yourself lucky that this isn’t a blind date. 1.2857 0.06481 70 53 14 3
1893 It started with a rainy Saturday and three tennis balls. 1.2857 0.06153 70 52 16 2
1894 My therapist said I needed a substitute for getting into dangerous relationships. 1.2857 0.06683 84 67 10 7
1895 My mother did this with one hand behind her back. 1.2857 0.06481 70 53 14 3
1896 Her profile writer did a great job, but failed to mention a few things. 1.2857 0.06153 70 52 16 2
1897 Of course I can handle the Presidency! 1.2857 0.07650 63 50 8 5
1898 Single parent... how'd you guess? 1.2857 0.06603 56 41 14 1
1899 No, it's my first time. Why? 1.2857 0.06153 70 52 16 2
1900 I'm not bored! Keep telling your story. 1.2857 0.08341 56 45 6 5
1901 I suppose the vaccine did help me regain my old work-life balance. 1.2857 0.05737 63 45 18 0
1902 ...Murphy's Law? 1.2857 0.06366 77 59 14 4
1903 First impressions are everything these days. 1.2857 0.06091 77 58 16 3
1904 Yeah but can you sleep with the TV on? 1.2857 0.06481 70 53 14 3
1905 It’s not you, I’m just juggling a lot at work right now… 1.2857 0.05737 63 45 18 0
1906 I feel like a circus act, since I keep dating clowns. 1.2857 0.06793 70 54 12 4
1907 Mom life 1.2857 0.06005 84 64 16 4
1908 How it feels to make small talk during a worldwide pandemic 1.2857 0.06948 63 48 12 3
1909 Trying to find the work/life balance post COVID 1.2857 0.05012 91 66 24 1
1910 I wonder what her underwear looks like… 1.2857 0.06481 70 53 14 3
1911 It’s hard to get the waiter’s attention in this place. 1.2843 0.05808 102 80 15 7
1912 Does this help you understand what I mean by carrying the 'mental load'? 1.2841 0.05348 88 65 21 2
1913 What do you like to do for fun? 1.2840 0.05620 81 60 19 2
1914 Well, it was really easy to get started... 1.2840 0.06628 81 64 11 6
1915 Your profile said unvaccinated, so I thought you'd like danger 1.2840 0.06145 81 62 15 4
1916 "Are you asking a how question or a why question?" 1.2840 0.06857 81 65 9 7
1917 The pandemic gave me a lot of time to explore who I really am. 1.2840 0.06145 81 62 15 4
1918 I watched Tiger King, baked a lot of bread and then just basically worked on doing this. 1.2840 0.06391 81 63 13 5
1919 You had me at hello. 1.2838 0.05937 74 55 17 2
1920 ... so, Billy, just imagine what I might be capable of on our third date. 1.2838 0.06241 74 56 15 3
1921 Most of my hobbies are metaphors. 1.2838 0.06808 74 58 11 5
1922 It's only fair you wash the dishes 1.2838 0.06808 74 58 11 5
1923 For my next act, hand me our kids and my career. 1.2838 0.06531 74 57 13 4
1924 It’s the only way to get our waiter’s attention. 1.2838 0.06531 74 57 13 4
1925 Proving every word of her online dating profile was true. 1.2838 0.05937 74 55 17 2
1926 And you thought I couldn't juggle time for this 1.2836 0.06991 67 52 11 4
1927 Well, it all started with balancing drinks on a tray. 1.2836 0.06311 67 50 15 2
1928 I’ll show you how to get a waiter’s attention. 1.2836 0.06311 67 50 15 2
1929 During the pandemic, Marjorie tried to make every meal, as entertaining as possible! 1.2836 0.06991 67 52 11 4
1930 Great. But can you dance backwards in heals? 1.2836 0.06991 67 52 11 4
1931 And I bring home the bacon too 1.2836 0.06660 67 51 13 3
1932 I’m also a PhD. 1.2836 0.07307 67 53 9 5
1933 Staying home for a year was awesome! 1.2826 0.06245 92 73 12 7
1934 Since when was work and life not enough? 1.2824 0.05944 85 65 16 4
1935 Sorry, I get a little nervous on dates 1.2824 0.05703 85 64 18 3
1936 Sorry, I thought you said “tricks”. Yes, your bread sticks will be out shortly. 1.2824 0.05703 85 64 18 3
1937 . I really have to get more selective on Tinder. 1.2824 0.05703 85 64 18 3
1938 Aside from this, I also juggle work, school and dating. 1.2821 0.06024 78 59 16 3
1939 I’d like to mention that two of the three items I’m juggling are yours. Imagine that!” 1.2821 0.05741 78 58 18 2
1940 If you like this, wait until you take me out on date no. 2! 1.2821 0.06803 78 62 10 6
1941 Trust me, this was way sexier on zoom 1.2821 0.06294 78 60 14 4
1942 For our first date I thought I would give you a preview of my love language. 1.2821 0.06803 78 62 10 6
1943 I think you finally caught our waiter's attention. 1.2821 0.06294 78 60 14 4
1944 You ain't got the balls to do what I do! 1.2821 0.06294 78 60 14 4
1945 You forgot to start up the chainsaw 1.2821 0.06024 78 59 16 3
1946 Don’t worry, they’ve all been sanitized! 1.2821 0.06024 78 59 16 3
1947 This is easy, but adding a baby will be tough. 1.2817 0.06708 71 55 12 4
1948 It was this or learning to bake bread 1.2817 0.07002 71 56 10 5
1949 So, tell me a little about yourself. 1.2817 0.06079 71 53 16 2
1950 When he tells you to get off your phone and entertain him 1.2817 0.07002 71 56 10 5
1951 Yes, I CAN bring you another glass of water... 1.2816 0.05418 103 79 19 5
1952 It helps me stay centered. 1.2812 0.06481 64 48 14 2
1953 This is what I bring to the table. 1.2812 0.07206 64 50 10 4
1954 For my Olympic torch relay tryout,shall I juggle another ball and buzzsaw too,or just pop a wheelie on this unicycle as-is? 1.2812 0.06853 64 49 12 3
1955 Wow, I see you put your pandemic lockdown to good use. I read a lot. 1.2812 0.05278 96 72 21 3
1956 To be honest, I’m not too worried about COVID. 1.2812 0.06481 64 48 14 2
1957 On the whole, this is less dangerous than living in Florida or Texas. 1.2812 0.07542 64 51 8 5
1958 This metaphor is surprisingly specific. 1.2812 0.06853 64 49 12 3
1959 Juggling this crap is a snap after years of balancing career, kids, relationships and self-care." 1.2812 0.07864 64 52 6 6
1960 It's a metaphor for "me too". 1.2812 0.05278 96 72 21 3
1961 In my spare time? Not much. You? 1.2812 0.06853 64 49 12 3
1962 What’s your superpower? 1.2812 0.06481 64 48 14 2
1963 I guess I'm still OK with doing all the work in this relationship. 1.2809 0.05759 89 68 17 4
1964 And what are you bringing to the table? 1.2809 0.05759 89 68 17 4
1965 I'm what they call a 'multi-tasker.' 1.2807 0.07818 57 45 8 4
1966 You should see me handle a husband, two kids and a full-time job! 1.2807 0.06970 57 43 12 2
1967 Would you like me to sit on your lap and do this? 1.2807 0.06505 57 42 14 1
1968 This part is easy. Now watch me remove the tablecloth without spilling your drink. 1.2807 0.07818 57 45 8 4
1969 So I’d like to think I used quarantine to explore and perfect my hobbies. 1.2807 0.07818 57 45 8 4
1970 So, what do you do in your free time? 1.2807 0.07818 57 45 8 4
1971 You don't exactly look like your profile picture, either. 1.2805 0.05562 82 61 19 2
1972 Believe it or not, this is still way easier than trying to fit grad school classes into my schedule. 1.2805 0.05827 82 62 17 3
1973 Because if I used two wheels, Dan, I'd obviously be multi-tasking. 1.2805 0.06079 82 63 15 4
1974 Your spare ribs can be flamed broiled or sliced very thin. What will it be, sir? 1.2805 0.05827 82 62 17 3
1975 After the pandemic, table dancing was never the same again 1.2805 0.06322 82 64 13 5
1976 Compared to not getting vaccinated, this is no-risk. 1.2800 0.06990 75 60 9 6
1977 They told me you go for the juggler. 1.2800 0.06728 75 59 11 5
1978 This is asking a lot for $7.25 an hour. 1.2800 0.06454 75 58 13 4
1979 The roast is going to take a little longer than I thought. 1.2800 0.06728 75 59 11 5
1980 I guess a BJ is out of the question. 1.2800 0.06990 75 60 9 6
1981 So do you still believe I can't juggle marriage to you, children and a job at the same time? 1.2800 0.06728 75 59 11 5
1982 I'm impressed. Most guys would've left after the bowling ball. 1.2800 0.06728 75 59 11 5
1983 But can you fold a fitted sheet? 1.2800 0.06454 75 58 13 4
1984 What does a girl have to do to get a drink around here? 1.2794 0.06231 68 51 15 2
1985 Picking up the glass is the hardest part. 1.2794 0.07211 68 54 9 5
1986 Can you go get the baby?" 1.2794 0.06900 68 53 11 4
1987 Could you order me a salad? 1.2794 0.06574 68 52 13 3
1988 My dating profile did say that I juggle a lot of responsibilities 1.2794 0.05869 68 50 17 1
1989 I always try to impress on a first date. 1.2794 0.06900 68 53 11 4
1990 Is this adventurous enough for you, Mark? 1.2794 0.06231 68 51 15 2
1991 My previous date said that I was selling myself short." 1.2791 0.05646 86 65 18 3
1992 What's a gal gotta do to get some service around here? 1.2791 0.05139 86 63 22 1
1993 I’ve been using this time to build up the Other Skills section of my resume. 1.2791 0.05646 86 65 18 3
1994 I bowled a bit in high school, and I have to say, you’re throwing the ball completely wrong. 1.2791 0.06331 86 68 12 6
1995 Thanks, but on the other hand, I don’t cook and I’m terrible in bed. 1.2787 0.07064 61 47 11 3
1996 Can any of your other dates do this? 1.2787 0.06666 61 46 13 2
1997 Helen is happy to show off why she came in 26th on America's Got Talent. 1.2787 0.07064 61 47 11 3
1998 So what hobbies did you pick up during lockdown? 1.2787 0.06666 61 46 13 2
1999 You really should be wearing a mask. 1.2785 0.06480 79 62 12 5
2000 I'm not usually this outgoing on a first date. 1.2785 0.05958 79 60 16 3
2001 I'd like to see the waitstaff at Eleven Madison Park try this! 1.2785 0.06224 79 61 14 4
2002 If this doesn’t get our waiter’s attention, nothing will.” 1.2785 0.05958 79 60 16 3
2003 Please help me by taking your drink off of the table without spilling it. 1.2785 0.05679 79 59 18 2
2004 Tomorrow, it's all about walking and chewing gum at the same time. 1.2785 0.06480 79 62 12 5
2005 For the third time this week, Jeremy questioned the validity of online dating. 1.2785 0.06726 79 63 10 6
2006 I think the pandemic helped us all realize that life is too short to waste so much talent. 1.2785 0.06224 79 61 14 4
2007 Yeah but do you know the difference between there, their, and they’re 1.2785 0.06224 79 61 14 4
2008 My profile does say “I love entertaining” ! 1.2784 0.05022 97 72 23 2
2009 It's nothing special. Every woman does this. 1.2778 0.06326 90 72 11 7
2010 Every accountant learns this little trick in order to get “certified”! 1.2778 0.06915 72 57 10 5
2011 Funny, I’ve never dated a guy who drinks. 1.2778 0.07199 54 41 11 2
2012 I thought you were joking on your bumble profile... 1.2778 0.06626 72 56 12 4
2013 What gives you the idea that I don't want to discuss politics? 1.2778 0.06626 72 56 12 4
2014 Let me know when I can stop multi-tasking. 1.2778 0.06915 72 57 10 5
2015 Maybe go back to watching a little more HDTV and a little less TicTok? 1.2778 0.06626 72 56 12 4
2016 I'm a mom. It's part of the training. 1.2778 0.06915 72 57 10 5
2017 I can also juggle my career ambitions and motherhood. 1.2778 0.06324 72 55 14 3
2018 When my bio said I wanted the whole package, I didn’t mean this 1.2778 0.06915 72 57 10 5
2019 I told you I learned some new skills during COVID!! 1.2778 0.05672 72 53 18 1
2020 Aaaand you’re still in love with your ex, aren’t you? 1.2778 0.06915 72 57 10 5
2021 I actually hate the circus, clowns are creepy 1.2778 0.06626 72 56 12 4
2022 Tom supposed Jane's ability to multitask was impressive but he remained steadfast in his belief that it was better to focus on one task at a time: right now, for example, wondering when dinner was going to be served. 1.2771 0.06485 83 66 11 6
2023 It was either this or have twins. 1.2771 0.06255 83 65 13 5
2024 I like to take chances when I dine out. 1.2771 0.06015 83 64 15 4
2025 Wow! Women really CAN do it all! 1.2771 0.06255 83 65 13 5
2026 I'm not comfortable carrying serving plates. 1.2769 0.06761 65 50 12 3
2027 He's thinking -- how can we be compatible? She's asking -- what's your new trick? 1.2769 0.07438 65 52 8 5
2028 First date expectations. 1.2769 0.07108 65 51 10 4
2029 You don't get a second chance at a first impression. 1.2769 0.06395 65 49 14 2
2030 Red Flag? No no, it's a torch. 1.2769 0.06395 65 49 14 2
2031 I always enjoy our quiet dinners without the kids. 1.2769 0.05593 65 47 18 0
2032 Start the chainsaw and I'll be impressed. 1.2769 0.07438 65 52 8 5
2033 And all you're concerned about is can I cook? 1.2766 0.05741 94 73 16 5
2034 I love you, I love you not. 1.2766 0.05741 94 73 16 5
2035 It's for Instagram. I'll be done in a sec. 1.2763 0.05803 76 57 17 2
2036 Would you like to hear our specials? 1.2763 0.05803 76 57 17 2
2037 Do you want to split the bill, fire the waiter or have a ball? 1.2763 0.06908 76 61 9 6
2038 ' Why do you always say I need too much attention?' 1.2763 0.05493 76 56 19 1
2039 I cleaned out the garage. 1.2763 0.06098 76 58 15 3
2040 How’s your share of the ‘mental load’ holding up there, honey? 1.2763 0.06908 76 61 9 6
2041 That’s not that hard, it’s just like the gig economy. 1.2763 0.06379 76 59 13 4
2042 Your profile said you ‘loved being surprised.’ 1.2763 0.06379 76 59 13 4
2043 It's called being a mom Scott. 1.2759 0.07293 58 45 10 3
2044 My last boyfriend was a total clown. 1.2759 0.06866 58 44 12 2
2045 This is easy. Dating again is hard. 1.2759 0.07293 58 45 10 3
2046 So you learned to speak Italian during lockdown? I’m impressed! 1.2759 0.05590 87 66 18 3
2047 Not what I had in mind when you said dinner and a show. 1.2759 0.07293 58 45 10 3
2048 I meant "I'm tired of dating clowns" literally 1.2759 0.06866 58 44 12 2
2049 You said you wanted to meet a women who could multitask. 1.2759 0.05590 87 66 18 3
2050 That’s what I call multitasking! 1.2759 0.06049 87 68 14 5
2051 And what was it you said to the cute waitress? 1.2755 0.05942 98 78 13 7
2052 Let’s play my new version of “rock, paper, scissors.” 1.2755 0.05577 98 76 17 5
2053 We ran out of the amuse-bouche. 1.2754 0.06811 69 54 11 4
2054 Can you figure out what’s for dinner tonight? I’m really juggling a lot right now. 1.2754 0.06491 69 53 13 3
2055 And I do circumcisions as well! 1.2754 0.07117 69 55 9 5
2056 We get it, being a woman is hard! 1.2754 0.06811 69 54 11 4
2057 This is bowling ball flambe. The chainsaw is just a garnish. 1.2754 0.06154 69 52 15 2
2058 And voila! Here comes the waiter. 1.2754 0.06491 69 53 13 3
2059 Yes, yes but where’s my dinner? 1.2754 0.06491 69 53 13 3
2060 The chef tells me we are all out of hatchets. 1.2754 0.07117 69 55 9 5
2061 I’m just looking to settle down, how about you? 1.2754 0.07117 69 55 9 5
2062 Can you start up the chainsaw for me? 1.2750 0.05893 80 61 16 3
2063 My life is a circus right now. 1.2750 0.05618 80 60 18 2
2064 Please wear a mask" 1.2750 0.06156 80 62 14 4
2065 Go ahead, I don't need a pad. I can remember your order as well. 1.2747 0.05861 91 71 15 5
2066 Just practicing for my future career once the kids go off to college. 1.2742 0.06573 62 47 13 2
2067 Why should males have all the courtship rituals? 1.2742 0.06963 62 48 11 3
2068 It's OK. I did my own research, so I know I'm safe. 1.2742 0.07333 62 49 9 4
2069 This is a tough sobriety test. 1.2742 0.06573 62 47 13 2
2070 'Good thing the glass is half-empty' 1.2742 0.06963 62 48 11 3
2071 I usually get my tips for leaving 1.2740 0.05936 73 55 16 2
2072 But honey, didn't we agree that cobras bring in the cash — could you juggle a fourth? 1.2740 0.06830 73 58 10 5
2073 And if I like you, you can replace the bowling ball 1.2740 0.06546 73 57 12 4
2074 The daily specials are grilled sawfish, roasted meatballs, and flaming sausages. 1.2740 0.06546 73 57 12 4
2075 Are you always this nervous on a first date? 1.2740 0.06546 73 57 12 4
2076 You should see what I can do with two balls. 1.2740 0.06546 73 57 12 4
2077 Darn! I broke a nail! 1.2740 0.05936 73 55 16 2
2078 I have 3 jobs, where do you work? 1.2740 0.06248 73 56 14 3
2079 They said this would be a five scar experience 1.2740 0.06248 73 56 14 3
2080 You know, the usual. 1.2740 0.05936 73 55 16 2
2081 Ok, so now what's YOUR top reason most of your first dates don't go well? 1.2738 0.06189 84 66 13 5
2082 No one should eat alone. 1.2738 0.05706 84 64 17 3
2083 I can see you're more of a risk taker on a first date. 1.2738 0.05706 84 64 17 3
2084 The first and last time Mary performed her “abstract of our marriage” routine 1.2737 0.05687 95 74 16 5
2085 I’m trying to get the waiter’s attention. 1.2727 0.05535 88 67 18 3
2086 I haven't missed in days. 1.2727 0.05931 66 49 16 1
2087 They can't find waiters, but juggling unicyclists are a dime a dozen. 1.2727 0.07012 66 52 10 4
2088 I meant career and children. 1.2727 0.06306 77 60 13 4
2089 Wait until you see my sword swallowing skills 1.2727 0.07337 66 53 8 5
2090 But having a child? I don't think so. 1.2727 0.06671 66 51 12 3
2091 Why are you so surprised? My profile says I can juggle a lot of things at once. 1.2727 0.07012 66 52 10 4
2092 We also have milder menu items if you prefer something less spicy. 1.2727 0.06061 55 40 15 0
2093 It's not nearly as dangerous as dining here without a mask. 1.2727 0.06306 77 60 13 4
2094 Cirque du Soleil said no and Cirque la table said yes 1.2727 0.05535 88 67 18 3
2095 I feel like the only thing I DON’T have to do in this relationship is jump through hoops. 1.2727 0.07337 66 53 8 5
2096 This is how I prepare for balancing marriage, children and my career. 1.2727 0.05888 99 79 13 7
2097 Our relationship hangs in the balance. If I drop the flame, its fired up. If I drop the blade, its severed. If I drop the ball, its your choice. 1.2727 0.05739 77 58 17 2
2098 Maybe I should move my drink. 1.2727 0.06671 66 51 12 3
2099 Tenderize, sear and cut your steak. I do it all. 1.2727 0.07337 66 53 8 5
2100 If I'm careful, you'll only feel it in your wallet. 1.2727 0.06671 66 51 12 3
2101 This type of juggling is more satisfying as it requires less balls. 1.2727 0.06671 66 51 12 3
2102 I'm still just working as a server but haven't settled on a career yet. 1.2727 0.06306 77 60 13 4
2103 Sooo what are your quarantine hobbies? 1.2727 0.06827 77 62 9 6
2104 Millennial retirement options. 1.2727 0.06312 66 50 14 2
2105 Now pass me the tablecloth 1.2717 0.05150 92 69 21 2
2106 I can't wait 'till we're doing lap dances again either. 1.2717 0.06007 92 73 13 6
2107 Now comes the tricky part! 1.2716 0.05559 81 61 18 2
2108 The category is movie titles. 1.2716 0.06337 81 64 12 5
2109 When I’m not lumberjacking, bowling or chasing off Frankenstein, I occasionally like to unicycle on tabletops. Also, did I mention I can suck a golfball through a garden hose? 1.2716 0.06089 81 63 14 4
2110 Now, if you’ll just hand me your glass… 1.2716 0.06337 81 64 12 5
2111 Are you ADD? 1.2716 0.05830 81 62 16 3
2112 I'm also generating electricity with this wheel! 1.2716 0.06089 81 63 14 4
2113 My therapist says I need to work on my work-life balance. 1.2714 0.06410 70 54 13 3
2114 Bruce, tell me about your hobbies 1.2714 0.06410 70 54 13 3
2115 And this is my interpretation of dating in one's thirties. 1.2714 0.06725 70 55 11 4
2116 They call it 'Serve Du Soleil.' 1.2714 0.06725 70 55 11 4
2117 And did I mention I have a four year old and a very demanding job? 1.2714 0.06725 70 55 11 4
2118 NOW will you marry me? 1.2714 0.06078 70 53 15 2
2119 Brad, we have to talk. I can’t juggle this all by myself. 1.2714 0.06410 70 54 13 3
2120 ...and the chainsaw represents your mother. 1.2714 0.06725 70 55 11 4
2121 And imagine what I can do in the bedroom. 1.2714 0.06725 70 55 11 4
2122 Just figured I would get a jumpstart on your Mother's visit 1.2714 0.06078 70 53 15 2
2123 Still easier than understanding covid regulations. 1.2714 0.06078 70 53 15 2
2124 After teaching during COVID I just really wanted a challenge 1.2714 0.07315 70 57 7 6
2125 My last relationship was a real circus. 1.2714 0.06725 70 55 11 4
2126 The cat didn’t fair too well, but I think I have it down. 1.2714 0.06410 70 54 13 3
2127 I’ll be here all night folks! But you may not be. 1.2712 0.06318 59 44 14 1
2128 Is that it? 1.2712 0.07580 59 47 8 4
2129 Don't worry. I have a Ph.D. in English lit. This is just a side job. 1.2712 0.07184 59 46 10 3
2130 You might want to move to another table... 1.2712 0.07580 59 47 8 4
2131 Why didn't you just tell me you were busy? I would have gladly made the reservation. 1.2712 0.06765 59 45 12 2
2132 My Mother fixed us up, right. 1.2706 0.05891 85 66 15 4
2133 But I really want to know, what are your interests? 1.2706 0.05648 85 65 17 3
2134 Do you have a menu? 1.2706 0.06124 85 67 13 5
2135 When did you learn how to ride a unicycle? 1.2706 0.06348 85 68 11 6
2136 This way we don't need small talk 1.2706 0.05394 85 64 19 2
2137 Eating indoors wasn't risky enough, babe. 1.2706 0.05648 85 65 17 3
2138 I’ll have to juggle some things around, but I think I can fit you in for dinner. 1.2703 0.06467 74 58 12 4
2139 I love when low brow and high brow dinning blend together. 1.2703 0.05867 74 56 16 2
2140 When? I have a lot of things going on these days. 1.2703 0.05867 74 56 16 2
2141 I was going to take up the guitar. 1.2703 0.06174 74 57 14 3
2142 A great meal is all about the presentation.” 1.2703 0.06174 74 57 14 3
2143 You mentioned your divorce. Was that hard? 1.2703 0.05543 74 55 18 1
2144 Starting wage is only $12.50 for waitstaff, but the signing bonus, insurance, and 401k match are totally worth it 1.2703 0.05867 74 56 16 2
2145 Teaching in 2021 1.2703 0.06467 74 58 12 4
2146 I also learned how to use a sourdough starter. What have you been up to? 1.2703 0.06747 74 59 10 5
2147 …and those are today’s specials. Don’t worry about tipping - I already get almost $3 an hour to be your server, healthcare tracer, therapist and object of affection. 1.2703 0.06467 74 58 12 4
2148 This gets a lot easier after you've been married a few times. 1.2698 0.06482 63 48 13 2
2149 - It´s really easy without the mask 1.2698 0.06482 63 48 13 2
2150 Damn! Your waitressing test is a bitch! 1.2698 0.07906 63 52 5 6
2151 I do this naked on my only fans 1.2698 0.06482 63 48 13 2
2152 I tried a fidget spinner... 1.2698 0.06866 63 49 11 3
2153 I think the waiter has finally noticed us. 1.2698 0.06866 63 49 11 3
2154 I call this one The Fragile Male Ego. 1.2698 0.07229 63 50 9 4
2155 don't worry, I'll make sure no one gets within 6 feet of us 1.2698 0.07229 63 50 9 4
2156 Despite Debbie's impressive deflection skills, Dan STILL noticed the pimple on her nose. 1.2698 0.06866 63 49 11 3
2157 I was gonna give you 20% anyway 1.2698 0.06482 63 48 13 2
2158 I minored in Philosophy. 1.2698 0.06866 63 49 11 3
2159 If you help me, I'll have time to make dinner 1.2698 0.06074 63 47 15 1
2160 This is easy. Juggling motherhood and a career, that's hard! 1.2698 0.06866 63 49 11 3
2161 I was being polite when I asked, 'What do you do for fun.' 1.2698 0.06482 63 48 13 2
2162 Sorry, I just don’t have time to juggle a relationship right now. 1.2698 0.06482 63 48 13 2
2163 Once upon a time, a simple dinner was enough! 1.2698 0.06482 63 48 13 2
2164 Would you like to hear today's specials? 1.2697 0.06543 89 73 8 8
2165 Learned it online. There was nothing else to do. 1.2692 0.05962 78 60 15 3
2166 Besides this, I got an A- in Econometrics at Yale last semester. 1.2692 0.06235 78 61 13 4
2167 Juggling life while living close to the edge 1.2692 0.05962 78 60 15 3
2168 Yes, of course I would love to hear your uninformed opinion about juggling as a modern profession. Do tell. 1.2692 0.07823 52 41 8 3
2169 How about a ham and sliced cheese sandwich! 1.2692 0.07823 52 41 8 3
2170 So, my therapist said: "you need to step out of your comfort zone" 1.2687 0.06918 67 53 10 4
2171 The last time I slipped, I took a guy’s arm off. So now I only cycle on tablecloths. 1.2687 0.06230 67 51 14 2
2172 See? I told you it was better than sex. 1.2687 0.06230 67 51 14 2
2173 This is me overcompensating. 1.2687 0.06230 67 51 14 2
2174 I’m just saying, women are every bit as capable as men, maybe even more so! 1.2687 0.06918 67 53 10 4
2175 The chef just quit and I'm supposed to entertain you until we find a replacement 1.2687 0.06230 67 51 14 2
2176 Is there any wine left? 1.2687 0.07238 67 54 8 5
2177 If you like this, then you'll love the play I've been writing. 1.2687 0.06918 67 53 10 4
2178 So this is what you meant when you said you’re always juggling things. 1.2687 0.06230 67 51 14 2
2179 But what I’m really passionate about is marketing. 1.2687 0.05856 67 50 16 1
2180 No, please tell me more about your frat days, Steve. 1.2687 0.06918 67 53 10 4
2181 I think you misheard me Janet, I wanted to try something more risqué 1.2687 0.06583 67 52 12 3
2182 I agree, most dating app profiles don’t let you include a lot of information about yourself 1.2687 0.07238 67 54 8 5
2183 Honey pick one to die with 1.2687 0.06230 67 51 14 2
2184 Indoor dining again does have challenges 1.2683 0.05501 82 62 18 2
2185 I hope you're not intimidated by girls that fool around on the first date. 1.2683 0.06504 82 66 10 6
2186 Impress your first date with dinner and a show 1.2683 0.06268 82 65 12 5
2187 Tell me again how you managed to run the dishwasher? 1.2683 0.06268 82 65 12 5
2188 My mom said I'd never get a job with an English degree. Wait till she sees this! 1.2683 0.05501 82 62 18 2
2189 Look ma, no man! 1.2683 0.06023 82 64 14 4
2190 I forgot to mention this in my Tinder profile 1.2683 0.06268 82 65 12 5
2191 Go on—you have my full, divided attention. 1.2679 0.06974 56 43 11 2
2192 time to die white boy!!!! 1.2679 0.08254 56 46 5 5
2193 I have nothing to add, Billy 1.2679 0.07425 56 44 9 3
2194 Ok, hop in here. 1.2676 0.06330 71 55 13 3
2195 Look. I'd make a great mother. 1.2676 0.05659 71 53 17 1
2196 So what do you for pleasure? 1.2676 0.06330 71 55 13 3
2197 Yeah, I juggle a job, an ex and a 5 yr/old 1.2676 0.06937 71 57 9 5
2198 If you've got the bread, I've got the circus. 1.2676 0.06640 71 56 11 4
2199 I'd drop everything to be with you. 1.2676 0.06937 71 57 9 5
2200 And this is just what I did at work before noon, Sweetie... 1.2676 0.06330 71 55 13 3
2201 I wonder if she’s vaccinated? 1.2676 0.06004 71 54 15 2
2202 This is how I relax after juggling work, kids and marriage all day. 1.2674 0.05830 86 67 15 4
2203 I’m not vaccinated either. mary ann pettorini 1.2674 0.06060 86 68 13 5
2204 Could you pass the salt, babe? 1.2674 0.05591 86 66 17 3
2205 So yes, I’ll be able to stay on top of things while juggling career and family, no problem... 1.2667 0.06102 75 58 14 3
2206 Compared to housework, the kids, and my job, this is easy. 1.2667 0.06667 60 46 12 2
2207 Glad it’s not a lap dance. 1.2667 0.06102 75 58 14 3
2208 Want to play chainsaw fire ball? 1.2667 0.06667 75 60 10 5
2209 Not only that, I'm high as a kite on crystal meth! 1.2667 0.07078 60 47 10 3
2210 Wanna play? It’s kinda like rock, paper, scissors. Or, you can offer to pay for my dinner. 1.2667 0.06102 75 58 14 3
2211 Yeah. You choose not to vaccinate or wear a mask. So this is my choice, Bob. 1.2667 0.06102 75 58 14 3
2212 Well, she seems nice...but ever since that situation with Mary, Donna, and Susan, I've tried to stay away from juggling women. 1.2667 0.06667 60 46 12 2
2213 Do you get nervous on first dates too? 1.2667 0.06102 75 58 14 3
2214 So,what do you do for a living? 1.2667 0.05480 75 56 18 1
2215 We need to talk about logistics before next week. 1.2667 0.06667 75 60 10 5
2216 See? The lockdown wasn't all bad. I used it to perfect my act! 1.2667 0.05799 75 57 16 2
2217 I work with a bunch of clowns 1.2667 0.06102 75 58 14 3
2218 ...and after THAT, I finished nursing little Charlie, changed him for the third time this, finally got him to nap in time for the nanny to arrive, and made my Board of Directors meeting in the nick of time! And you? 1.2667 0.07835 60 49 6 5
2219 I never do this on the first date. 1.2667 0.05799 75 57 16 2
2220 And, can you believe it, we have no cover charge. 1.2667 0.05653 90 70 16 4
2221 One drawback: If I slip, I usually don’t get a tip. 1.2667 0.06932 75 61 8 6
2222 Just when you thought it was safe to dine out. 1.2667 0.06667 60 46 12 2
2223 They say I’m too intelligent to find a mate, so I’m dumbing it down for you. 1.2667 0.07078 60 47 10 3
2224 This is what motherhood means to me…So, you still want to have kids? 1.2667 0.05940 105 86 10 9
2225 The things we do for love 1.2667 0.06229 60 45 14 1
2226 You really undersold the juggling part on your dating profile. 1.2667 0.07078 60 47 10 3
2227 This should assuage any concerns you may have if I can also juggle work, marriage and motherhood. 1.2660 0.05892 94 75 13 6
2228 You thought I wouldn't 'make a scene'. huh? 1.2658 0.05614 79 60 17 2
2229 Staff have been developing new entertainment during the Covid shut down. 1.2658 0.05896 79 61 15 3
2230 After home schooling three kids during the pandemic, this is nothing 1.2658 0.05896 79 61 15 3
2231 I'm also very fertile. 1.2658 0.06909 79 65 7 7
2232 'From my juggling to your jugular' 1.2658 0.05614 79 60 17 2
2233 But your profile said you loved living dangerously. 1.2656 0.06394 64 49 13 2
2234 You know not wearing a mask is risky behavior. 1.2656 0.06771 64 50 11 3
2235 I'll have what she's having. 1.2656 0.06771 64 50 11 3
2236 "I'm looking for excitement. So what is it you do?" 1.2656 0.06394 64 49 13 2
2237 I'd love to have a drink with you, but my hands are full at the moment. 1.2656 0.07468 64 52 7 5
2238 Well I’m glad you could make it tonight, I know you’re juggling a lot. 1.2656 0.07468 64 52 7 5
2239 But enough about me, what do you do? 1.2656 0.05994 64 48 15 1
2240 According to the CDC, this is safer than dining indoors without a mask. 1.2656 0.06771 64 50 11 3
2241 If this doesn’t make you swipe right, I don’t know what will. 1.2656 0.06771 64 50 11 3
2242 BALL and CHAIN, Honey!! " Can you MATCH that?? 1.2653 0.05340 98 76 18 4
2243 Have you finished with your glass? 1.2651 0.05707 83 64 16 3
2244 Tomorrow I'm going to add the kitchen sink. 1.2651 0.05707 83 64 16 3
2245 Of course I can get you a cup of coffee. I am a mom during Covid! 1.2651 0.06433 83 67 10 6
2246 This is so much easier than being a mom during a pandemic. 1.2647 0.05383 102 80 17 5
2247 The Center for Disease Control and Prevention recommends wearing masks when dining out. 1.2647 0.06498 68 53 12 3
2248 I wanted to make good use of my time! 1.2647 0.06827 68 54 10 4
2249 I'm personally insecure, so I lead with my hobbies. 1.2647 0.06151 68 52 14 2
2250 I don't watch movies. 1.2647 0.06498 68 53 12 3
2251 I like to stay active. 1.2647 0.07141 68 55 8 5
2252 First dates are so revealing. 1.2647 0.06151 68 52 14 2
2253 If you think THIS is impressive, you should see me juggle work and family and friends and exercise and me time 1.2647 0.06827 68 54 10 4
2254 Oooh, You juggle. 1.2647 0.06151 68 52 14 2
2255 If you will help me around the house, dear, I promise to stop multitasking! 1.2644 0.05535 87 67 17 3
2256 For my next trick,I will avoid Covid without the use of masks or vaccines 1.2644 0.05998 87 69 13 5
2257 Well is it yes or no, will you marry me?" 1.2639 0.05932 72 55 15 2
2258 I like to dazzle on the first date. 1.2639 0.06253 72 56 13 3
2259 What did you expect for a 3 dollar cover charge? 1.2639 0.06253 72 56 13 3
2260 Now, carefully, toss me your glass there. 1.2639 0.06558 72 57 11 4
2261 There is a reason we're called the Last Supper Inn. 1.2639 0.05932 72 55 15 2
2262 I was once diagnosed with ADD but I don’t see it 1.2639 0.05932 72 55 15 2
2263 I don’t want to go blind on this date 1.2639 0.05932 72 55 15 2
2264 And I can watch TV without scrolling on my phone. 1.2637 0.05813 91 72 14 5
2265 I'm always nervous on a first date. 1.2637 0.05599 91 71 16 4
2266 Every day she gets a little bit more like her mother. 1.2632 0.07726 57 46 7 4
2267 Given what they've added recently, this could be a competitive event in Paris, 2024. 1.2632 0.06395 57 43 13 1
2268 Since you don't seem to think my excellent credit rating, diversified portfolio, and IQ higher than my weight are good enough ... 1.2632 0.06316 76 60 12 4
2269 Absolutely, I'm ready to start a family. 1.2632 0.06316 76 60 12 4
2270 Much later, Al realized that the Assertiveness Trainer said "go for the jugular". 1.2632 0.07726 57 46 7 4
2271 This is my idea of the perfect work-life balance! 1.2632 0.06316 76 60 12 4
2272 Why do you believe you're the right fit for this position? 1.2632 0.05733 76 58 16 2
2273 I told you I'm juggling a lot right now 1.2632 0.06395 57 43 13 1
2274 You order. I have trouble making a decision. 1.2632 0.06588 76 61 10 5
2275 Wait until you see me do it backwards and in high heels. 1.2632 0.05419 76 57 18 1
2276 If you catch one, it’s yours to keep. 1.2632 0.06588 76 61 10 5
2277 What did you learn during lock down? 1.2632 0.06849 76 62 8 6
2278 Did I mention I am also a member of Mensa. 1.2632 0.05733 76 58 16 2
2279 You might want to scoot back a bit. 1.2632 0.06395 57 43 13 1
2280 This should tell you that I, as a wife, won't struggle with juggling between work and family. 1.2632 0.05439 95 74 17 4
2281 Yes, that's incredibly impressive - but I just asked for more water 1.2632 0.06316 76 60 12 4
2282 Honey, I didn’t know this is what you meant when you said you’re juggling so many things at once 1.2632 0.05884 57 42 15 0
2283 Now do you think I’m better fit for the job than Jerry? 1.2632 0.06316 76 60 12 4
2284 The name is “Jackie of all trades”! 1.2632 0.06867 57 44 11 2
2285 By not wearing a mask you're putting yourself in grave danger. 1.2625 0.05831 80 62 15 3
2286 Juggling your kids was too easy,so I traded them in. 1.2625 0.06096 80 63 13 4
2287 Sarah...I'm seeing other people. 1.2625 0.06096 80 63 13 4
2288 Too much for a first date? 1.2625 0.05553 80 61 17 2
2289 Have I been watching TikTok? Why do you ask? 1.2623 0.06571 61 47 12 2
2290 This is a lot easier than juggling my three boyfriends! 1.2623 0.06571 61 47 12 2
2291 Don't worry, it's a rubber ball. 1.2623 0.06141 61 46 14 1
2292 Going for that second date. 1.2623 0.06571 61 47 12 2
2293 Coffee? Do I look like I need coffee? 1.2623 0.06974 61 48 10 3
2294 I wasn’t aware we were meant to show off our skills… 1.2623 0.06571 61 47 12 2
2295 I started with a tricycle and worked my way down one wheel at a time. 1.2623 0.07356 61 49 8 4
2296 This is a bit awkward, Sarah. What I said was, “would you be willing to snuggle with me on our date tonight?” 1.2623 0.07718 61 50 6 5
2297 To answer your question, this is why I brought a chainsaw. 1.2623 0.07356 61 49 8 4
2298 This is me ordering the tableside special. 1.2623 0.06571 61 47 12 2
2299 I have to juggle so many things while you just sit there and don't help. 1.2623 0.06571 61 47 12 2
2300 Please don’t make a scene. 1.2623 0.06141 61 46 14 1
2301 You really should be wearing a mask while doing that. 1.2623 0.06141 61 46 14 1
2302 Order me something light. 1.2619 0.05388 84 64 18 2
2303 I'm not usually this manipulative. 1.2619 0.05896 84 66 14 4
2304 Children, career, housewife...piece of cake! 1.2619 0.05388 84 64 18 2
2305 Yeah, but I only won a bronze. 1.2615 0.06678 65 51 11 3
2306 The singer waiters were banned due to Covid 1.2615 0.06678 65 51 11 3
2307 ...And best of all,I don't check my phone at the table anymore. 1.2615 0.06308 65 50 13 2
2308 Okay. Now sing the national anthem backwards. 1.2615 0.07363 65 53 7 5
2309 I'm busy multi-tasking, Kevin. YOU go make dinner, feed the kids, feed the cat and dog, do the laundry and clean the house. 1.2615 0.07029 65 52 9 4
2310 I learned a lot of new skills during quarantine. But enough about me… 1.2615 0.06308 65 50 13 2
2311 I know you requested a table dance but don't you find this far more entertaining? 1.2615 0.06308 65 50 13 2
2312 Now your turn, Truth or Dare? 1.2615 0.05915 65 49 15 1
2313 I don’t see this going anywhere 1.2615 0.05915 65 49 15 1
2314 Can you ask the server for a knife? 1.2615 0.05915 65 49 15 1
2315 And this kids is the story of how I met your mother 1.2615 0.06308 65 50 13 2
2316 You don't need to prove yourself to me dear, I know ypu are a multasker 1.2615 0.06308 65 50 13 2
2317 ‘Okay quick, throw me a kid’ 1.2615 0.05915 65 49 15 1
2318 Is it possible to just get a hamburger? 1.2614 0.05713 88 69 15 4
2319 Could you pass the salt? 1.2614 0.05713 88 69 15 4
2320 Swipe right already. 1.2609 0.06073 69 53 14 2
2321 Toss me the glass on the count of three. Careful not to extinguish the torch. 1.2609 0.06414 69 54 12 3
2322 Wish you had swiped left? 1.2609 0.07048 69 56 8 5
2323 Remember: light before ball except only after saw. Now, repeat after me.. 1.2609 0.05711 69 52 16 1
2324 You said you wanted the special? 1.2609 0.06073 69 53 14 2
2325 All selected to go with the Khachaturian soundtrack. 1.2609 0.06414 69 54 12 3
2326 What else can you do? 1.2609 0.06414 69 54 12 3
2327 Welcome to Cirque du diner! 1.2609 0.06073 69 53 14 2
2328 You said you wanted a magical evening. 1.2609 0.06414 69 54 12 3
2329 ‘Honey, that’s not what I meant when I said “get the waiter’s attention”.’ 1.2609 0.06073 69 53 14 2
2330 So I've been hearing lately that rather than food, the most important in restaurants is the experience 1.2609 0.05096 92 70 20 2
2331 Are you sure this is the way we used to date before the pandemics? 1.2609 0.05711 69 52 16 1
2332 ‘Yes dear, but why aren’t you wearing that dress I like?’ 1.2609 0.06414 69 54 12 3
2333 Beth, the vaccine only protects you from covid 1.2609 0.06414 69 54 12 3
2334 Let’s play 2020! 1.2604 0.05589 96 76 15 5
2335 My latest review said I need to take more chances. 1.2603 0.05861 73 56 15 2
2336 I trust that you will never again complain about my small talk. 1.2603 0.07041 73 60 7 6
2337 And by the way, honey, I'm pregnant." 1.2603 0.06765 73 59 9 5
2338 I told you I was an entertaining date." 1.2603 0.06177 73 57 13 3
2339 All my decisions are up in the air. 1.2603 0.06478 73 58 11 4
2340 First date: “So what grade do you teach?” 1.2603 0.05861 73 56 15 2
2341 So I’m thinking I can handle this delta variant after all 1.2603 0.05527 73 55 17 1
2342 My dad says I overcompensate for not being an ivy league graduate. Mom just says:" You go, girl.' Uh....Do you ever find yourself going too far to impress people you are meeting for the first time? 1.2597 0.05669 77 59 16 2
2343 Sorry just some first date jitters 1.2597 0.06511 77 62 10 5
2344 I figure if we can gamble on masks .. 1.2597 0.06768 77 63 8 6
2345 Now hand me the kids. 1.2597 0.07016 77 64 6 7
2346 Yes I can juggle everything,but I need your help! 1.2597 0.05030 77 57 20 0
2347 What? I wrote on the dating app that I'm good at multitasking. 1.2597 0.05963 77 60 14 3
2348 I think I’m ready for some small plates. 1.2597 0.05669 77 59 16 2
2349 First dates are so awkward. 1.2597 0.06243 77 61 12 4
2350 I said ‘jugular’ not ‘juggler.’ 1.2597 0.06511 77 62 10 5
2351 This is easy compared to being a working mom. 1.2593 0.05493 81 62 17 2
2352 Why? I’ve been to this establishment before. First, we have to get the waiter’s attention. Next, we’ll need the torch to reheat the cold steaks served, the bowling ball to tenderize them, and the chain saw for slicing." 1.2593 0.05493 81 62 17 2
2353 Please bear with us, the cook's running a tad late today. 1.2593 0.05768 81 63 15 3
2354 Are you ready for a hand off? 1.2593 0.07086 54 42 10 2
2355 Now throw me your testicles. 1.2593 0.06280 81 65 11 5
2356 For the last time, I wasn’t calling you lazy, Susan. 1.2593 0.07086 54 42 10 2
2357 Still less stressful than being a mother! 1.2593 0.06521 81 66 9 6
2358 This is no more dangerous than the two day old shrimp cocktail you just ordered. 1.2586 0.07196 58 46 9 3
2359 Honey, I’m sure the waiter knows we’re waiting for our check. 1.2586 0.07196 58 46 9 3
2360 The trick is to not take your eye off the ball. 1.2586 0.07196 58 46 9 3
2361 OK...here's the deal, you slowly reach under the table cloth, grasp it firmly, and as you stand and kick the chair from beneath you, pull it from the table, leaving me still astride the unicycle. 1.2586 0.06300 58 44 13 1
2362 You're Right -- Maybe you should drive home. 1.2586 0.07196 58 46 9 3
2363 I know what you're thinking: Thumbs up for the multi-tasking but the choice of objects spells "pre-nup". 1.2586 0.06763 58 45 11 2
2364 What's this, some kind of metaphore? 1.2586 0.06763 58 45 11 2
2365 Whatever it takes to keep you from looking at your phone. 1.2581 0.07249 62 50 8 4
2366 Just wait until the second date! 1.2581 0.06874 62 49 10 3
2367 Remember when these were considered the dangers in life 1.2581 0.05603 62 46 16 0
2368 No worries--The phone goes to voicemail unless the babysitter thinks it's an emergency. 1.2581 0.06478 62 48 12 2
2369 I'll have the tossed salad. 1.2581 0.06478 62 48 12 2
2370 Children? Job? Your parents? Shopping? Cooking? Laundry? I do this for relaxation! 1.2581 0.06056 62 47 14 1
2371 I started with online ukulele lessons. 1.2581 0.06874 62 49 10 3
2372 I have the well- balanced part but not yet the meal. 1.2581 0.05603 62 46 16 0
2373 No, I can't do it while chewing gum. 1.2581 0.06478 62 48 12 2
2374 I've dated a lot of clowns. 1.2581 0.07249 62 50 8 4
2375 Oh, you're a gig worker, huh? 1.2581 0.06478 62 48 12 2
2376 How is the chainsaw prepared? 1.2581 0.07605 62 51 6 5
2377 So what did you learn during the lockdown? 1.2576 0.05424 66 49 17 0
2378 The food is so-so, but I'm definitely a competent server. 1.2576 0.05838 66 50 15 1
2379 I usually don't do this on the first date. 1.2576 0.06933 66 53 9 4
2380 And for my next trick... I’ll earn over 84% of what you earn! 1.2576 0.06224 66 51 13 2
2381 With the dating market getting more competitive, it's important to showcase your talents. 1.2576 0.06224 66 51 13 2
2382 I mean, jump in here anytime. I just hate awkward silences. 1.2576 0.06588 66 52 11 3
2383 This is how I am practicing to be a mother! 1.2576 0.06933 66 53 9 4
2384 God! It feels so good doing this inside a restaurant again WITHOUT a mask! 1.2576 0.06933 66 53 9 4
2385 ... and I call this trick "Single Mom raising 3 kids while trying to date." 1.2576 0.06588 66 52 11 3
2386 And...Next...With...A...Blindfold... 1.2576 0.06224 66 51 13 2
2387 Not what I had in mind when I requested a table dance,but exotic. 1.2576 0.06588 66 52 11 3
2388 Just warming up for being a mother. 1.2576 0.06224 66 51 13 2
2389 Multi-tasking is my specialty! Now, toss me that glass. 1.2576 0.05424 66 49 17 0
2390 Just so you know, I have it all. 1.2576 0.05838 66 50 15 1
2391 If I am the saw and our little Judy is the bowling ball then who is the hot flame? 1.2576 0.05838 66 50 15 1
2392 When you show me you can do this, I’ll respond to your request. 1.2576 0.05838 66 50 15 1
2393 In short,no, I don’t want kids. 1.2576 0.06588 66 52 11 3
2394 2020 has really helped me discover my inner risk taker 1.2576 0.06224 66 51 13 2
2395 Here’s a little preview of 2022 1.2576 0.05838 66 50 15 1
2396 On a first date, I always like to show that I can juggle more than just a job and a relationship. 1.2574 0.05006 101 78 20 3
2397 Well done honey but is that our neighbors chainsaw???? 1.2571 0.06333 70 55 12 3
2398 If I'd known you were such a bore, I would have swiped left." Elizabeth Schaefer, Evanston, I 1.2571 0.05997 70 54 14 2
2399 You think this is dangerous, try flying in a commercial jetliner! 1.2571 0.05997 70 54 14 2
2400 Now slip me the glass of water. 1.2571 0.06333 70 55 12 3
2401 All this and you’ll still mansplain me! 1.2571 0.06333 70 55 12 3
2402 Sorry, it seems there has been a mistake... I actually ordered a bearded woman 1.2571 0.06652 70 56 10 4
2403 I’m concerned about you. 1.2571 0.05997 70 54 14 2
2404 I swear I’ve never done this before. 1.2571 0.06956 70 57 8 5
2405 This should get the waitress's attention. 1.2568 0.05792 74 57 15 2
2406 I’m also a Vassar grad, played the tuba in HS, and love long walks on the beach. Second date? 1.2568 0.05792 74 57 15 2
2407 This concludes the entertainment portion of the evening. Now if you'll kindly give me about 15 more minutes,I'll run into the kitchen and see what I can whip up! 1.2568 0.05792 74 57 15 2
2408 I tried dancing in heels and backward, but this is more fun. 1.2568 0.05792 74 57 15 2
2409 Nice, honey. What’s for dinner? 1.2568 0.06399 74 59 11 4
2410 Now do you believe my Bumble profile photo? 1.2568 0.05792 74 57 15 2
2411 It's not bragging if you can do it! 1.2568 0.05463 74 56 17 1
2412 Can you hand me the glass? 1.2568 0.06399 74 59 11 4
2413 Next you'll have me jumping through hoops. 1.2568 0.05792 74 57 15 2
2414 Pardon, but do you have any lithium? 1.2568 0.06399 74 59 11 4
2415 But the real challenge these days is work and social life. 1.2568 0.06103 74 58 13 3
2416 And this isn't even my weirdest date 1.2568 0.05792 74 57 15 2
2417 So I thought, I’m not going to let 2020 go to waste. 1.2568 0.06682 74 60 9 5
2418 Being a white man is ALSO hard these days. Cant do anything right. 1.2568 0.06399 74 59 11 4
2419 The blindfolds will be five dollars extra 1.2568 0.06103 74 58 13 3
2420 PETA made me stop using cats. 1.2564 0.06435 78 63 10 5
2421 So kids, a house and a job would be no problem. 1.2564 0.06689 78 64 8 6
2422 She was determined. She just wanted one date to not be about the pandemic. 1.2564 0.06435 78 63 10 5
2423 I ordered the creme brûlée 1.2564 0.05895 78 61 14 3
2424 nothing’s off the table 1.2564 0.05895 78 61 14 3
2425 Well, when you asked if I played sports... 1.2561 0.05151 82 62 19 1
2426 My therapist helped me to stop telling entertaining stories. 1.2561 0.05435 82 63 17 2
2427 I knew this was a blind date but I didn’t realize you were actually blind so you’re just gonna have to take my word for this but I’m literally 1.2558 0.05532 86 67 16 3
2428 Not what I had in mind for a first date. 1.2558 0.05532 86 67 16 3
2429 Hazard a guess as to which one is my career, my love life and my soul? 1.2556 0.05600 90 71 15 4
2430 OK OK you had me with a unicycle on a table… 1.2556 0.05819 90 72 13 5
2431 Does someone who can do this really need the vaccine? 1.2553 0.05440 94 74 16 4
2432 After juggling a family, career, marriage and now COVID, I realized it's really not that hard. 1.2549 0.06770 51 39 11 1
2433 You read my profile, right? 1.2549 0.07326 51 40 9 2
2434 Your personal ad said you preferred a SWF coordinated risk-taker. 1.2545 0.07439 55 44 8 3
2435 I was inspired by reading Nietsche and the Cat in the Hat at the same time 1.2545 0.06972 55 43 10 2
2436 To infinity and beyond but not any farther then that. 1.2545 0.06471 55 42 12 1
2437 You made your point. We can have a baby. 1.2545 0.08295 55 46 4 5
2438 How about this for multi-tasking? 1.2545 0.07879 55 45 6 4
2439 It usually works to get the waiter's attention. 1.2545 0.06972 55 43 10 2
2440 I'm saving the clown makeup for the second date. 1.2542 0.07488 59 48 7 4
2441 Everyone always assumes that I mean my life is so hectic when I mention my hobby. 1.2542 0.06662 59 46 11 2
2442 Can you order me the pecan salad when the waiter comes back? 1.2542 0.07087 59 47 9 3
2443 There must be a mistake. I ordered the caesar salad. 1.2542 0.07087 59 47 9 3
2444 My last boyfriend was a terrible catch. 1.2542 0.07087 59 47 9 3
2445 I learned this during the pandemic; it seemed safer than going out 1.2542 0.06662 59 46 11 2
2446 Making balloon animals wasn't very lucrative, so I decided to expand my repertoire. 1.2540 0.05973 63 48 14 1
2447 But I really want to direct. 1.2540 0.05973 63 48 14 1
2448 Then I call my boss, drop Billy off for soccer, pick Tai up from her piano lessons, write a grant request, pickup your medicine… 1.2540 0.06776 63 50 10 3
2449 Don’t look so surprised, I believe I mentioned my skills on my dating profile. 1.2540 0.06776 63 50 10 3
2450 I try to keep my tinder profile as interesting as possible. 1.2540 0.06776 63 50 10 3
2451 Life with you is certainly a circus 1.2540 0.06387 63 49 12 2
2452 Yes I have children! Does it show? 1.2540 0.07144 63 51 8 4
2453 This isn’t the tableside preparation you were expecting? 1.2540 0.06776 63 50 10 3
2454 It keeps me fit and is more exciting than yoga! 1.2540 0.06776 63 50 10 3
2455 Online dating is awful 1.2540 0.06387 63 49 12 2
2456 Fire has now been added to ball and chain.! 1.2540 0.06387 63 49 12 2
2457 My profile said that my whole life was one big juggling act. 1.2537 0.06143 67 52 13 2
2458 I'm here because you opted not to pay the premium cover charge for a "leave me alone" table. 1.2537 0.06143 67 52 13 2
2459 Make up your mind - or these specialty cakes are going to disintegrate! 1.2537 0.06143 67 52 13 2
2460 I know I can seem like a lot sometimes. 1.2537 0.06501 67 53 11 3
2461 It calms my nerves. 1.2537 0.05763 67 51 15 1
2462 The toast popped. I'll get it. 1.2537 0.06840 67 54 9 4
2463 Oh yeah, sure, males shouldn’t try this. 1.2537 0.06501 67 53 11 3
2464 And for my next act, I will cut your bill in half. 1.2537 0.06143 67 52 13 2
2465 Oh that's nothing. You should see me being a single mom during the pandemic. 1.2537 0.05763 67 51 15 1
2466 I'm still not sure. 1.2537 0.06143 67 52 13 2
2467 And this will be our life if I agree to marry you: I’ll be juggling everything at home while you just sit there. 1.2535 0.06254 71 56 12 3
2468 Isn't indoor dining risky enough? 1.2535 0.06254 71 56 12 3
2469 Do I have your attention? 1.2535 0.05573 71 54 16 1
2470 My last relationship? It’s complicated. 1.2535 0.06254 71 56 12 3
2471 What do you mean I look nothing like my tinder profile? 1.2535 0.05923 71 55 14 2
2472 OK! If I can do this for 15 more minutes without dropping one on you, we’ll get married in October” 1.2535 0.05923 71 55 14 2
2473 Now, picture some smoke and a few mirrors and you have the full gist of Gov. Cuomo’s legal defense. 1.2535 0.06567 71 57 10 4
2474 Karen is unvaccinated too, nothing will hurt her… 1.2535 0.06867 71 58 8 5
2475 My need for attention is exhausting. 1.2535 0.05573 71 54 16 1
2476 And I am working on adding a loaded gun 1.2535 0.06254 71 56 12 3
2477 When you said you were in college, I didn’t think you meant clown college. 1.2535 0.05923 71 55 14 2
2478 I'd say "yes", not only because of my talent but also I might kill you if you don't agree to marriage. 1.2533 0.06031 75 59 13 3
2479 Will you please mask up for my safety? 1.2533 0.06031 75 59 13 3
2480 What kind of juggling did you mean, then? 1.2533 0.06031 75 59 13 3
2481 But enough about what I've been doing during the pandemic. 1.2533 0.06323 75 60 11 4
2482 "First date jitters, I guess" 1.2533 0.05400 75 57 17 1
2483 After juggling parenting, marriage, and a career, this is a cinch! 1.2533 0.06323 75 60 11 4
2484 No problem. Enjoy your drink. I'm just fine doing this on my own. 1.2533 0.05724 75 58 15 2
2485 So tell me again about dating other women. 1.2533 0.06323 75 60 11 4
2486 See, I told you I had too much on my hands at the moment 1.2533 0.05724 75 58 15 2
2487 Wouldn’t a baby complete this picture? 1.2533 0.05724 75 58 15 2
2488 And I’m also ovulating in case you want kids sooner than later 1.2533 0.06031 75 59 13 3
2489 Yes, but can you fry an egg? 1.2532 0.06361 79 64 10 5
2490 My parents met speed dating too. They’re performers. Any siblings? 1.2532 0.06101 79 63 12 4
2491 But can you balance a chequebook? 1.2532 0.05829 79 62 14 3
2492 They’re gonna ask what I learned in quarantine! 1.2532 0.06361 79 64 10 5
2493 So, tell me about your hobbies? 1.2530 0.05378 83 64 17 2
2494 I used to be a press secretary. 1.2530 0.05378 83 64 17 2
2495 That was not what I meant when I questioned your skills at the table. 1.2530 0.05378 83 64 17 2
2496 Of course I can pick up the kids. 1.2530 0.05645 83 65 15 3
2497 I am still waiting for the menu to show up! 1.2530 0.05378 83 64 17 2
2498 My ex taught me this. 1.2530 0.05378 83 64 17 2
2499 I'm sorry, I feel like I've lost some of my entertaining skills during the lock-down... 1.2530 0.05899 83 66 13 4
2500 Final step for the cocktail coming up! 1.2500 0.05339 76 58 17 1
2501 I saw a couple at another table just staring at their phones. Pathetic, right? 1.2500 0.06682 64 51 10 3
2502 And you can purchase any of these items in our gift shop next door. 1.2500 0.06299 64 50 12 2
2503 I couldn't fit all this in on Tinder 1.2500 0.06176 72 57 12 3
2504 Why'd you swipe right? 1.2500 0.05764 80 63 14 3
2505 I’ve had a lot of time to practice over the last 16 months. 1.2500 0.05506 72 55 16 1
2506 I’ve had lots of time to practice this last year 1.2500 0.06682 64 51 10 3
2507 For your shelter in place dinner pre-show! 1.2500 0.05690 68 52 15 1
2508 My brother “Lefty” taught me how to juggle. 1.2500 0.05893 64 49 14 1
2509 I usually save this till the second date, but you're pretty special. 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
2510 You see. I AM good at multitasking. 1.2500 0.06981 60 48 9 3
2511 The new work-life balance. 1.2500 0.06176 72 57 12 3
2512 Please don't spill your drink. 1.2500 0.05658 76 59 15 2
2513 Did you pick up any new hobbies during lockdown? 1.2500 0.05455 64 48 16 0
2514 Martha Stewart made it look easier. 1.2500 0.05851 72 56 14 2
2515 Still, I only get paid half as much as the other jugglers. 1.2500 0.05690 68 52 15 1
2516 Oh, it’s just the latest exercise craze and I’ve never felt better! 1.2500 0.06861 56 44 10 2
2517 Don't make me carry the conversation too. 1.2500 0.07066 68 56 7 5
2518 I can jump through hoops too. 1.2500 0.06749 68 55 9 4
2519 I totally understand, but I still just wish you'd wear your helmet. 1.2500 0.06780 72 59 8 5
2520 I thought this was the non-smoking section. 1.2500 0.05270 92 72 17 3
2521 Actually, it's not any tougher than crosstown traffic. 1.2500 0.06063 68 53 13 2
2522 You really shouldn't drink diet soda. Your taking unnecessary risks with your health. 1.2500 0.05764 80 63 14 3
2523 I hate prop acts. I much prefer the mildly-amusing, non-threatening monologist on top of my table. 1.2500 0.05690 68 52 15 1
2524 This is NOT what I meant by a lap dance for my birthday! 1.2500 0.06682 64 51 10 3
2525 Sorry I was late. I’ve been juggling a lot lately. 1.2500 0.05893 64 49 14 1
2526 The last time I did this I got kicked out in the middle of the sermon. 1.2500 0.06176 72 57 12 3
2527 I told you it was difficult to get a table at this restaurant! 1.2500 0.06299 64 50 12 2
2528 My Mate must have balance, multitask, and love the thrill of risk. And be able to do that regardless of circumstance and convention. 1.2500 0.06861 56 44 10 2
2529 Anything for attention. 1.2500 0.06299 64 50 12 2
2530 Just the soup, thanks 1.2500 0.06063 68 53 13 2
2531 Waiter? Er, waiter?! WAITER!!! 1.2500 0.05492 92 73 15 4
2532 Most people put down, “A walk on the beach”. 1.2500 0.05893 64 49 14 1
2533 Now that the kids are asleep, let’s make a tiktok? 1.2500 0.06063 68 53 13 2
2534 Maybe YOU could do the damn dishes tonight. 1.2500 0.07201 52 41 9 2
2535 I think we should have a baby. 1.2500 0.07374 60 49 7 4
2536 I figure two weeks until the next shutdown, I'm doing everything. Throw me the jack hammer. 1.2500 0.06523 76 62 9 5
2537 After having to juggle my life as a working mother it's nice to do something relaxing 1.2500 0.06289 80 65 10 5
2538 I am going to need your help soon. Keep your eye on the chainsaw. 1.2500 0.06861 56 44 10 2
2539 No, no kids yet. I meant literally Juggling: a full time career. 1.2500 0.06033 80 64 12 4
2540 You know at some point you're going to have to accept that I just dont want to have sex with you anymore. 1.2500 0.06118 60 46 13 1
2541 This is really more exciting when the chain saw is working. 1.2500 0.06981 60 48 9 3
2542 I rarely drop more than one 1.2500 0.06563 60 47 11 2
2543 still safer than being unvaccinated 1.2500 0.06299 64 50 12 2
2544 The perfect murder. 1.2500 0.07387 64 53 6 5
2545 Empowered women who pierce my heart are my weakness 1.2500 0.06682 64 51 10 3
2546 What exactly do you mean when you say I make you uncomfortable? 1.2500 0.07748 60 50 5 5
2547 Our specials rotate daily. 1.2500 0.06682 64 51 10 3
2548 Sorry. I didn't mean to monopolize the conversation. 1.2500 0.06563 60 47 11 2
2549 So it's your first date. 1.2500 0.06682 64 51 10 3
2550 This was my distraction from living during the end times, but it isn't working lately so I thought Id try dating. 1.2500 0.06780 72 59 8 5
2551 I'm ALMOST ready for America's got talent. Toss me your glass. 1.2500 0.06749 68 55 9 4
2552 You're not what we had in mind for the job but i do like your energy level. 1.2500 0.06063 68 53 13 2
2553 Pretty impressive for a first date, eh? 1.2500 0.06780 72 59 8 5
2554 Honestly, when you said you did tricks for dinner, I thought you were a prostitute. 1.2500 0.07750 56 46 6 4
2555 It’s not an act. 1.2500 0.07066 68 56 7 5
2556 Now to complete the metaphor, pull the tablecloth at a speed and direction of your choice. 1.2500 0.06981 60 48 9 3
2557 Second dates are hard to come by. 1.2500 0.07374 60 49 7 4
2558 And you don't think I can juggle raising two kids and a job? 1.2500 0.06682 64 51 10 3
2559 Got any knives? 1.2500 0.05883 88 71 12 5
2560 It's a great way to relax after our couple therapy sessions." 1.2500 0.06861 56 44 10 2
2561 If our date goes well, I'll add you too. 1.2500 0.06248 76 61 11 4
2562 Should I throw in dinner, too? 1.2500 0.05851 72 56 14 2
2563 Getting to the table's the hard part. 1.2500 0.06861 56 44 10 2
2564 Was the chainsaw really necessary? 1.2500 0.05506 72 55 16 1
2565 So,did you register the kids for school today? 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
2566 I'll just have the club. 1.2500 0.05585 84 66 15 3
2567 I've also recently taken up quilting... 1.2500 0.05483 80 62 16 2
2568 And that is how I met your mother 1.2500 0.06981 60 48 9 3
2569 I heard you yank tablecloths!? 1.2500 0.06176 72 57 12 3
2570 I learned this trick trying to win my mother's love. It didn't work on her either. 1.2500 0.06299 64 50 12 2
2571 As you might've guessed, I've picked up a few new hobbies during the pandemic. 1.2500 0.06563 60 47 11 2
2572 Happy Anniversary! Your turn. 1.2500 0.06749 68 55 9 4
2573 I’m looking for someone who’s more available. Seems like you’re juggling too much at once. 1.2500 0.06415 68 54 11 3
2574 She wasn't lying in her Tinder bio after all. 1.2500 0.06033 80 64 12 4
2575 They say if I add a steak knife they’ll pay me minimum wage! 1.2500 0.06780 72 59 8 5
2576 Jim wondered if now was a good time to ask Sally a favour… 1.2500 0.05421 88 69 16 3
2577 Hey, when my sourdough starter died, I had to find something to keep me busy…. 1.2500 0.05960 76 60 13 3
2578 Ironically, I never made a sourdough starter. 1.2500 0.06415 68 54 11 3
2579 The sirloin tips will be sliced, tenderized, and seared to perfection - all in mid air 1.2500 0.07706 52 42 7 3
2580 But you’re so much better at juggling everything than I am 1.2500 0.06176 72 57 12 3
2581 by juggling all these things, maybe I can distract you from realizing I still refuse to wear a mask indoors! 1.2500 0.06415 68 54 11 3
2582 Most people think I am a Gemini but I am more of a Aquarius. 1.2500 0.08158 56 47 4 5
2583 You know, most people just lie on their profiles… 1.2500 0.06033 80 64 12 4
2584 Get the vaccine? Hell, no- too dangerous! 1.2500 0.06248 76 61 11 4
2585 Well…I guess I did say I liked dangerous women on my profile. 1.2500 0.06861 56 44 10 2
2586 Yes Derek, I would LOVE to hear about your golf trip. Could you pass me my gin & tonic? 1.2500 0.06861 56 44 10 2
2587 ... so you see, I never intended on becoming a street performer, but when my boss said we're no longer working from home, I needed to pick up some new skills.... How's this interview going? 1.2500 0.07591 48 38 8 2
2588 What have I been up to? Oh, just the usual… 1.2500 0.05657 88 70 14 4
2589 This is the most creative way I found to show you what it feels to deal with you. 1.2500 0.06485 72 58 10 4
2590 You see, none of the breakups was my fault 1.2500 0.06299 64 50 12 2
2591 I feel like this really prepares me for the daily news cycle. 1.2475 0.05341 101 81 15 5
2592 I double majored at clown college. 1.2472 0.05600 89 71 14 4
2593 Thanks honey, this night out is really helping me take my mind off things." (Edit as you please 1.2472 0.05367 89 70 16 3
2594 It was scarier with raw eggs. 1.2471 0.06462 85 71 7 7
2595 I won’t drop something big in your lap. 1.2471 0.06013 85 69 11 5
2596 Ready to order? 1.2469 0.05424 81 63 16 2
2597 Could you at least put a mask on? 1.2469 0.06219 81 66 10 5
2598 The thing that really stuck out on your dating profile for me was that you were a single man. 1.2469 0.05701 81 64 14 3
2599 Now why would you break up with me when I'm this amazing! 1.2468 0.05280 77 59 17 1
2600 Let me tell you about today's specials. 1.2468 0.05594 77 60 15 2
2601 Let's call out for something because I'm all thumbs in the kitchen. 1.2468 0.06175 77 62 11 4
2602 Did we save room for berserk? 1.2468 0.06175 77 62 11 4
2603 I guess my ideal type is both adventurous and balanced in life. D'you know what I mean? 1.2468 0.06175 77 62 11 4
2604 I can teach you new things. 1.2468 0.06705 77 64 7 6
2605 I guess Moderna does give you super powers. 1.2468 0.05280 77 59 17 1
2606 A white man struggles to keep himself from referring to the performer as a "woman circus performer". 1.2468 0.06175 77 62 11 4
2607 So, how are you at changing diapers? 1.2468 0.06175 77 62 11 4
2608 2030: what it's like dating somebody who was born during the Pandemic 1.2468 0.06175 77 62 11 4
2609 I’m already juggling too many harmful things. I don’t need you, too. 1.2468 0.06445 77 63 9 5
2610 fuck fuck fuck, oh fuck, shit, fuck, FUCK! goddamnit, shit, fuck 1.2466 0.06695 73 60 8 5
2611 Ugh,do you know how dangerous it is to drink tap water?! 1.2466 0.06101 73 58 12 3
2612 OK, now show me yours. 1.2466 0.06695 73 60 8 5
2613 No, it's cool, don't worry--I've been vaccinated. 1.2466 0.06101 73 58 12 3
2614 And for my next trick, working from home with kids! 1.2466 0.05780 73 57 14 2
2615 Don't mess with me Harry. 1.2466 0.05780 73 57 14 2
2616 I prefer the gentleman in a tux with the violin 1.2466 0.06695 73 60 8 5
2617 It’s still less risky than suggesting a mask mandate. 1.2466 0.05441 73 56 16 1
2618 Cool trick, but can you calculate the tip in your head? 1.2466 0.05441 73 56 16 1
2619 Don't sweat it! I started off with hatchets. 1.2466 0.06695 73 60 8 5
2620 When I said you were dropping the ball lately, this isn't quite what I had in mind. 1.2466 0.05441 73 56 16 1
2621 Ok but can you balance a check book? 1.2466 0.06695 73 60 8 5
2622 Do you really want me to pay attention to whatever you have to say? 1.2464 0.05225 69 52 17 0
2623 How did you know I have children? 1.2464 0.06973 69 57 7 5
2624 Juggling boyfriends is hard 1.2464 0.06332 69 55 11 3
2625 In my line of work, tips are the last thing I want. 1.2464 0.05986 69 54 13 2
2626 Impressed yet? 1.2464 0.06332 69 55 11 3
2627 this is what i meant by "Free Spirit"... what were YOU thinking? 1.2464 0.06660 69 56 9 4
2628 Want fries with that? 1.2464 0.05986 69 54 13 2
2629 Farm-to-table is so yesterday. 1.2464 0.05986 69 54 13 2
2630 This is nothing. Wait 'til you see what I can do with hand grenades! 1.2464 0.06332 69 55 11 3
2631 When your ready jump in 1.2464 0.06973 69 57 7 5
2632 Tonight's bowl will be flambéed and thinly sliced. 1.2464 0.05986 69 54 13 2
2633 All while singing Kirtan 1.2464 0.05986 69 54 13 2
2634 And for our second date…. 1.2464 0.05986 69 54 13 2
2635 Now, when I say go, throw me the check. 1.2464 0.06660 69 56 9 4
2636 What’s the matter, not much for small talk? 1.2464 0.05986 69 54 13 2
2637 I think you'll find that's not the most efficient juggling technique. 1.2464 0.05986 69 54 13 2
2638 I heard you like dangerous women 1.2464 0.05986 69 54 13 2
2639 But enough about me, what did you do during the lockdown? 1.2464 0.07272 69 58 5 6
2640 I use my COVID time at home to learn new skills 1.2462 0.06944 65 53 8 4
2641 Hopefully the appetizers show up soon. I can get a little shaky. 1.2462 0.06214 65 51 12 2
2642 I've had a long time to practice after my last date ended so tragically. 1.2462 0.06589 65 52 10 3
2643 This way you'll know when I'm in the mood. 1.2462 0.06944 65 53 8 4
2644 Wait till our second date! 1.2462 0.05385 65 49 16 0
2645 They do have a well balanced menu choice here, honey. 1.2462 0.06214 65 51 12 2
2646 I told you my family were a bunch of clowns. 1.2462 0.06589 65 52 10 3
2647 'Since you can't seem to hear what I am saying, consider this is a visual demonstration of why I can't fit a relationship with you into my busy life. One of us would get hurt!" 1.2462 0.06214 65 51 12 2
2648 now for that glass of water... 1.2462 0.05814 65 50 14 1
2649 Work was a circus today. 1.2462 0.05814 65 50 14 1
2650 'Welcome to the Benihana! Let me tell you about tonight's specials.' 1.2462 0.06214 65 51 12 2
2651 Nothing phases him. 1.2462 0.05814 65 50 14 1
2652 your therapist knows you’re doing well. I don’t have to die 1.2462 0.06214 65 51 12 2
2653 I’ll just have a tossed salad. 1.2459 0.06031 61 47 13 1
2654 This is just a small example of my ability to multi-task. Do I get the job? 1.2459 0.06877 61 49 9 3
2655 Ok, ok I'll put the cellphone away 1.2459 0.06031 61 47 13 1
2656 I’m trying to break my cell phone habit 1.2459 0.06031 61 47 13 1
2657 How about you, any special talents? 1.2459 0.06877 61 49 9 3
2658 See - now do you believe my dating app profile? 1.2459 0.06031 61 47 13 1
2659 I am woman. Watch me juggle. 1.2459 0.07264 61 50 7 4
2660 Still not as good as Zoom? 1.2459 0.06468 61 48 11 2
2661 It’s easier than career and family. 1.2459 0.05559 61 46 15 0
2662 Yes, my online profile said “quirky”. Do you see it? 1.2459 0.06031 61 47 13 1
2663 I'm the appetizer. For the main course you get sawn in half. 1.2459 0.06877 61 49 9 3
2664 I realize that most women can do more, but this is all I've got. 1.2459 0.06468 61 48 11 2
2665 "I think the new baby will fit right in."" 1.2459 0.07264 61 50 7 4
2666 This is ain't nothin'. Wait to see what I do for an encore. 1.2459 0.06468 61 48 11 2
2667 But are you vaccinated? 1.2459 0.06031 61 47 13 1
2668 YOU'RE RIGHT HONEY, YOU PROVIDE A BETTER IN-HOME EXPERIENCE THAN GOING OUT FOR HIBACHI!!! . . . . 1.2459 0.06877 61 49 9 3
2669 OK. I’m impressed. 1.2459 0.06031 61 47 13 1
2670 Hand me your steak knife when it comes, Dear. 1.2459 0.06468 61 48 11 2
2671 Can you ask the waiter to bring another knife? I think I dropped mine. 1.2459 0.07264 61 50 7 4
2672 I prefer this to awkward silences 1.2459 0.06031 61 47 13 1
2673 Historically speaking, no one sitting this close has survived this. 1.2456 0.06754 57 45 10 2
2674 Now is not the time to swipe left. 1.2456 0.06754 57 45 10 2
2675 Yeah,I couldn’t really get into the sourdough baking thing so thought I’d learn something different during COVID. 1.2456 0.06273 57 44 12 1
2676 And my sister learned to make sourdough. 1.2456 0.07203 57 46 8 3
2677 Why do you bring your work with you wherever you go, Sally?! 1.2456 0.07203 57 46 8 3
2678 See! Marriage isn’t hard.? 1.2453 0.07574 53 43 7 3
2679 But I thought MBATJBFCWU meant “Must be able to juggle a ball, fire and chainsaw while on a unicycle”….? 1.2453 0.07079 53 42 9 2
2680 I'm not putting you down, Dave. I'd much rather be sitting quietly, wishing I hadn't brought me. 1.2453 0.08039 53 44 5 4
2681 Honey, could you give me a hand with this - after you've recovered from your difficult day? 1.2453 0.07079 53 42 9 2
2682 Imagine what I can do in bed! 1.2453 0.07574 53 43 7 3
2683 Tell me more about your last girlfriend 1.2453 0.07079 53 42 9 2
2684 Hmm, I wonder if they’re natural... 1.2453 0.07574 53 43 7 3
2685 This is how i decompress after watching the news. 1.2453 0.05967 53 40 13 0
2686 The only thing that freaks me out is that we’re not wearing masks. 1.2453 0.07079 53 42 9 2
2687 Women really can juggle everything. 1.2453 0.07574 53 43 7 3
2688 Did I mention I am gluten free? 1.2453 0.07574 53 43 7 3
2689 This isn’t my only useless talent. 1.2449 0.06207 49 37 12 0
2690 Which one do you want to catch? 1.2442 0.06175 86 71 9 6
2691 I am NOT an unfit mother! Now toss in the baby before the chainsaw runs out of gas! 1.2442 0.06393 86 72 7 7
2692 Small plates? Too easy." 1.2439 0.05900 82 66 12 4
2693 So, what did you pick up in quarantine? 1.2436 0.05221 78 60 17 1
2694 I'm ready now to take on the omelette. 1.2436 0.05824 78 62 13 3
2695 But can she laugh at my jokes? 1.2436 0.04892 78 59 19 0
2696 Sweetie, I'm just getting started. 1.2436 0.06626 78 65 7 6
2697 Don’t mind me. I’m just waiting until you’re ready to order. 1.2436 0.05824 78 62 13 3
2698 What’s next?” Sally ponders as she juggles all that this year has thrown at her 1.2436 0.06103 78 63 11 4
2699 ...they didn’t have crayons. 1.2436 0.06103 78 63 11 4
2700 We're definitely getting the "no cell phones" discount this time! 1.2432 0.05378 74 57 16 1
2701 It's called a side hustle. 1.2432 0.06327 74 60 10 4
2702 Or I could just pay the bill myself 1.2432 0.05711 74 58 14 2
2703 After homeschooling the twins for 18 months, this is a snap ! 1.2432 0.05711 74 58 14 2
2704 ... and I can cook a three-course dinner in under fifteen minutes,wash clothes and hang them up in an hour while juggling two jobs ... pun intended, of course ... 1.2432 0.06327 74 60 10 4
2705 I just didn’t feel challenged enough, learning how to bake. 1.2432 0.05711 74 58 14 2
2706 Is the waiter coming yet? 1.2429 0.06251 70 56 11 3
2707 Oh, I had a little extra time while I was working from home during the pandemic. What did you do? 1.2429 0.05549 70 54 15 1
2708 This is a bit much on a first date, don't you think? 1.2429 0.06251 70 56 11 3
2709 My dating site did say I performed tricks - what's the problem? 1.2429 0.05162 70 53 17 0
2710 We offer the Llama Flank Special rolled, flambe'd, and finely chopped 1.2429 0.05910 70 55 13 2
2711 I learned this trick when I was middle school English teacher. 1.2429 0.05910 70 55 13 2
2712 …ok…I think I got the waiter’s attention… 1.2429 0.06881 70 58 7 5
2713 Oh, you were expecting plates? 1.2429 0.05549 70 54 15 1
2714 The restaurant reviews said "Best Live Performance" 1.2429 0.05549 70 54 15 1
2715 While I lost the art of conversation during lockdown, I picked up a few others… 1.2429 0.06574 70 57 9 4
2716 so as I was saying, it’s nice to finally go on dates again 1.2429 0.05910 70 55 13 2
2717 Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt. You were telling me about your sourdough starter? 1.2429 0.05910 70 55 13 2
2718 You have no idea what it's like to juggle the things that I do in this relationship. 1.2427 0.04871 103 81 19 3
2719 Are you finally ready to listen? We need life insurance. 1.2424 0.05316 66 50 16 0
2720 And there is a fresh sourdough at home. 1.2424 0.05316 66 50 16 0
2721 OK, but how good are you in juggling a relationship? 1.2424 0.05737 66 51 14 1
2722 Multi-tasking. Its what we do. 1.2424 0.06130 66 52 12 2
2723 I don't think I can juggle all this and a relationship. 1.2424 0.05737 66 51 14 1
2724 Moms on date night be like...every other night. 1.2424 0.06130 66 52 12 2
2725 Compatible? What makes you think we’re not compatible? 1.2424 0.06130 66 52 12 2
2726 Well, I thought Pilates was getting a little boring. 1.2424 0.06130 66 52 12 2
2727 I figured why only learn how to make bread.