Contest #745


Cartoon

745

The winning captions

These captions are chosen by The New Yorker.

  1. “I told you we should have salted the roads.”
  2. “Quick, stroll for cover.”
  3. “If you turn the binoculars around, the problem pretty much goes away.”


Name Value
Submission deadline 2021-02-28T18:54:00.000Z
Voting started -
Voting ended 2021-03-14T18:03:00.000Z
Finalists announced 2021-03-08T19:02:00.000Z
Magazine(s) announcing finalists issued March 15, 2021
Number of captions 9666
Number of responses 997609
Number of participants -


Dashboard

In this table, the "mean" means the empirically measured average funniness score when the "unfunny", "somewhat funny" and "funny" receive a funniness score of 1, 2, 3 respectively. "Precison" is the standard error of the mean, the standard deviation of the mean estimate. With that, a caption with an empirical mean μ and precision σ has true mean in the range [μ - 2σ, μ + 2σ] with 95% probability by the 68-95-99.7 rule assuming the responses are indepedent and identically distributed.

Rank Caption Mean Precision Total votes "Unfunny" votes "Somewhat funny" votes "Funny" votes
0 We probably should have done something about this last year when it was still three blocks away. 1.9412 0.01067 5576 1946 2014 1616
1 Thank goodness we salted the roads 1.9291 0.01340 3484 1222 1287 975
2 We traced the slime trail back to Ted Cruz's house. 1.9271 0.01212 4981 2017 1310 1654
3 Walk for your lives! 1.9091 0.01215 4258 1549 1547 1162
4 We have four, maybe five, days to run for our lives. 1.8984 0.01293 3562 1260 1404 898
5 Just say the word, General. I have thirty French chefs on standby. 1.8980 0.01180 4443 1636 1633 1174
6 Really? You need binoculars? 1.8963 0.01346 3559 1350 1228 981
7 Finally, a disaster that moves at a pace local government can keep up with. 1.8933 0.01407 3197 1200 1138 859
8 We weren't expecting the French variant until the summer 1.8913 0.01247 3983 1474 1468 1041
9 The mail's here. 1.8875 0.01078 5877 2391 1767 1719
10 Not surprisingly, the first thing he destroyed was the French Embassy. 1.8864 0.01565 2580 978 917 685
11 We are going to need all the garlic, butter, shallots, and parsley you can find. 1.8841 0.01085 5531 2169 1841 1521
12 If you turn the binoculars around, the problem pretty much goes away 1.8789 0.01345 3552 1382 1218 952
13 Sir, if we don’t act now, we may need to act later this afternoon. 1.8712 0.01276 3602 1329 1415 858
14 Another hostile takeover from a shell corporation. 1.8707 0.01325 3682 1459 1240 983
15 To be honest I feel like we should have seen this coming. 1.8704 0.01304 3518 1310 1354 854
16 Julia Child would know what to do. 1.8694 0.01479 2833 1087 1029 717
17 Seriously, you need binoculars? 1.8651 0.01523 2735 1088 936 711
18 It’s what we feared. The French variant has arrived ... EscarCO-VID. 1.8609 0.01640 2495 1034 774 687
19 People need to run for their lives no later than Wednesday. 1.8516 0.01179 4406 1724 1612 1070
20 Quick, stroll for cover. 1.8512 0.01329 3421 1326 1278 817
21 At this pace, it could all be over in a matter of years. 1.8474 0.01903 1579 590 640 349
22 The good news is that FEMA, for once, should be able to get here on time. 1.8467 0.01359 3320 1311 1207 802
23 Well, the best I can figure, he's delivering mail. 1.8463 0.01556 2616 1060 898 658
24 We probably should have seen this coming. 1.8445 0.01365 3203 1243 1215 745
25 It appears Mitch McConnell has shed his human form. 1.8418 0.01560 2940 1320 765 855
26 General, I suggest we walk for our lives. 1.8392 0.01252 3719 1447 1436 836
27 I'm a scientist, what you need is a chef. 1.8363 0.01348 3220 1248 1251 721
28 Well, it's bad news for the botanical gardens, I'll tell you that much. 1.8353 0.01501 2641 1039 998 604
29 If we don't leave now we'll have to make a walk for it. 1.8347 0.01360 3085 1177 1241 667
30 still not the slimiest thing to have lived in New York 1.8317 0.01443 2942 1211 1030 701
31 Trump said he'd be back in 'some form' but this really isn't what I expected. 1.8307 0.01484 3047 1323 917 807
32 It's heading this way. Walk! Walk! 1.8281 0.01780 1850 728 712 410
33 It’s heading for Trump Tower. Should we just let it go? 1.8281 0.01804 2117 942 597 578
34 How did we not see this coming? 1.8270 0.01431 2885 1145 1094 646
35 I told you not to build a nuclear power plant next to that French restaurant. 1.8231 0.01551 2657 1125 877 655
36 You ignored all the scientists when we warned you about this a year ago when it was only on 8th street. 1.8228 0.01495 2630 1047 1002 581
37 We're gonna need a lot more garlic. 1.8223 0.01639 2296 948 808 540
38 If we don't act fast, it's probably fine. 1.8210 0.01549 2397 942 942 513
39 You know, it’s not like we didn’t see this coming. 1.8146 0.01643 2201 900 812 489
40 We've informed the citizens to walk for their lives. 1.8144 0.01669 2160 887 787 486
41 General, this battle will be no ordinary slugfest. 1.8092 0.01756 2039 872 684 483
42 No, I can’t see anything. This damn snails in the way. 1.8078 0.01789 1967 844 657 466
43 The French recommend drowning them in garlic butter. 1.8075 0.01740 1979 820 720 439
44 Reopening the French bistros might be our only chance. 1.8051 0.01750 1883 762 726 395
45 Well, Sir, we can’t say we didn’t see it coming 1.7999 0.01830 1739 715 657 367
46 Well, we definitely can’t say we didn’t see this one coming. 1.7994 0.01822 1730 715 655 360
47 I'd say about 4 tons of butter and maybe 1,200 cloves of garlic. 1.7981 0.01860 1689 698 634 357
48 On the upside, if we can lay our hands on a little garlic and butter this could still end well 1.7966 0.01865 1657 680 634 343
49 Yet another spineless attack on our city. 1.7943 0.02156 1322 570 454 298
50 The good news is we have time. 1.7871 0.02225 1132 463 447 222
51 We need to walk for our lives! 1.7807 0.02147 1304 566 458 280
52 At this pace the whole city could be decimated in a matter of months! 1.7782 0.02101 1240 515 490 235
53 And here I thought with Trump gone, we were done with slow, slimy and destructive predators. 1.7749 0.02366 1186 557 339 290
54 Nothing to worry about, he's just delivering mail. 1.7719 0.02323 1153 520 376 257
55 We think it's headed for the French embassy. 1.7654 0.02397 1036 458 363 215
56 Bring French Dining to Texas you said”....”What could go wrong you said 1.7654 0.02450 1040 475 334 231
57 Based on my projections, we should evacuate the Upper West Side no later than 2037 1.7627 0.02376 1003 431 379 193
58 I can't believe I'm saying this, but we may need to call in the French for this one. 1.7619 0.02489 991 450 327 214
59 Sound the alarm: Walk for you lives! 1.7593 0.02422 972 429 353 190
60 It's headed this way. Walk for your life. 1.7592 0.02546 926 416 317 193
61 Call the mayor. We’ve only got a week to evacuate the city. 1.7587 0.02423 953 409 365 179
62 By my calculations, it will destroy the entire city within decades! 1.7581 0.02473 955 422 342 191
63 Maybe it’s time to walk for our lives. 1.7580 0.02488 942 416 338 188
64 It's mating season, and he's heading toward the Guggenheim. 1.7528 0.02678 890 436 248 206
65 We're doomed....But only if we stay right here for, like, three weeks. 1.7523 0.02501 880 378 342 160
66 Well no one can say they didn’t see this coming. 1.7494 0.02631 858 389 295 174
67 I told you we should've salted the roads. 1.7488 0.02685 844 389 278 177
68 Sir, we need to evacuate the city within the next 3-6 months. 1.7453 0.02691 805 363 284 158
69 Stand back General. Let the boys from L’ Acadamie Gastronomique handle this. 1.7450 0.02644 847 386 291 170
70 We’re all doomed! Eventually. 1.7444 0.02673 810 364 289 157
71 So that's why traffic was sluggish this morning. 1.7430 0.02658 782 342 299 141
72 We believe he’s come from the Garden State. 1.7424 0.02706 761 335 287 139
73 Flame throwers and garlic butter? That's your plan?" 1.7396 0.03049 676 323 206 147
74 Well, the good news is we have plenty of time to figure out what to do. 1.7387 0.02730 750 333 280 137
75 The good news is he’s slow. And edible. 1.7370 0.02794 730 329 264 137
76 So much for draining the swamp. 1.7361 0.02882 720 335 240 145
77 It’s heading for Trump Tower. Much too slowly. 1.7328 0.03003 696 336 210 150
78 Speaking as your eye doctor and as your friend, the fact that you still can’t see it worries me more. 1.7328 0.03071 696 346 190 160
79 The former President appointed him as the Postmaster General. 1.7310 0.03167 684 351 166 167
80 In hindsight, we should’ve seen it coming. 1.7298 0.02940 681 317 231 133
81 No wonder traffic has been sluggish. 1.7293 0.02936 676 313 233 130
82 Honestly, we should’ve seen this coming. 1.7280 0.02982 658 306 225 127
83 Walk Johnson, walk for your life!! 1.7250 0.03094 640 308 200 132
84 You're the doorman and I'm your dentist. How is this our responsibility? 1.7248 0.03150 636 312 187 137
85 There may still be time. 1.7244 0.02901 635 281 248 106
86 Damnit, General! We must warn the citizens to walk for their lives! 1.7243 0.02917 642 310 215 117
87 The scientific community says it's the slimiest thing since Giuliani. 1.7231 0.03232 632 320 167 145
88 Quickly, General. We must walk for our lives! 1.7219 0.03014 622 286 223 113
89 I’m afraid this is going to turn into a slugfest. 1.7212 0.03187 617 303 183 131
90 The bad news is it's destroying the city... The good news is I think we can rebuild at the same pace 1.7199 0.02942 614 273 240 101
91 Slowly, do something! 1.7197 0.03077 603 280 212 111
92 We need to tell everybody to walk for their lives! 1.7191 0.03266 598 298 170 130
93 For the last time, General -- drowning it in garlic butter will only enhance it! 1.7186 0.03122 597 281 203 113
94 This is nothing, wait until the calamari arrives. 1.7172 0.03222 587 285 183 119
95 No, I don't think I've seen that species of swallow.... but, Sir,  I'd urge you once again to turn your attention ever so slightly to the left. 1.7166 0.03080 628 301 204 123
96 This is happening much too fast for the government to deal with. 1.7158 0.03347 563 280 163 120
97 I’m not sure how we didn’t see this coming... 1.7155 0.03156 594 284 195 115
98 I see Trump's tax returns have finally made it to the Manhattan District Attorney's Office. 1.7153 0.03366 576 293 154 129
99 I feel like we should have seen this coming 1.7131 0.03222 582 283 183 116
100 Only the French can save us now. 1.7130 0.03105 561 283 176 102
101 It's hard to believe that no one saw this coming. 1.7128 0.03279 564 275 176 113
102 You order as much butter you can find and I’ll call a garlic wholesaler. 1.7117 0.03133 555 254 207 94
103 Sir, by my calculations we have 3 months to evacuate the city. 1.7096 0.03193 575 276 190 109
104 Walk! For the love of god, start walking! 1.7093 0.03415 540 271 155 114
105 On the bright side, we've got about 6 months to stop him before he gets downtown. 1.7087 0.03245 539 254 188 97
106 Tell the chef we're going to need more butter. 1.7061 0.03324 524 251 176 97
107 Those rooftop gardens sure seem like a bad idea now. 1.7054 0.03213 533 248 194 91
108 At least it’s not an imminent threat. 1.7052 0.03087 553 253 211 89
109 Let's proceed with caution. We don't want to start a slugfest. 1.7037 0.03340 513 245 175 93
110 This all happened so fast. Just a month ago he was a block away. 1.7031 0.03391 512 249 166 97
111 Yes, I know you said this would happen when we stopped salting the roads. 1.7030 0.03453 505 249 157 99
112 Best-case scenario? No more than 18 months to evacuate. 1.7018 0.03214 513 235 196 82
113 We saw this one coming for weeks and yet we are unprepared. 1.7013 0.03220 519 253 177 89
114 Call the head of French intelligence, they'll know what to do. 1.7000 0.03403 500 242 166 92
115 With restaurants closed, the entire escargot ecosystem has gone haywire. 1.6998 0.03419 493 238 165 90
116 We've seen this coming for some time now. 1.6996 0.03418 516 256 159 101
117 It won't get far. We've salted the street. 1.6992 0.03323 532 260 172 100
118 Leave it be - it is heading for trump tower. 1.6971 0.03737 482 260 111 111
119 Your weapons are useless. I suggest you set up some melted butter and garlic to scare him off. 1.6957 0.03221 506 233 194 79
120 On the bright side,we've got a couple days to evacuate. 1.6951 0.03384 469 219 174 76
121 The good news is we should have plenty of time to evacuate. 1.6947 0.03270 475 215 190 70
122 Sir, I really don’t think you need those binoculars. 1.6946 0.03373 478 225 174 79
123 Guess we'll have to add that to the list of side effects. 1.6936 0.03538 470 232 150 88
124 It's either the end of the world or an appetizer. 1.6932 0.03623 440 215 145 80
125 Chief - all systems Escargot! 1.6899 0.03537 487 247 144 96
126 What do you mean,you had no time to plan for this? 1.6896 0.03583 451 222 147 82
127 This is what happens when you stop salting the roads in winter. 1.6892 0.03657 444 222 138 84
128 If we don't act immediately, New York will be destroyed in a matter of decades! 1.6875 0.03331 480 226 178 76
129 When he said the recovery was sluggish I thought he meant metaphorically. 1.6869 0.03547 444 215 153 76
130 Better call in the army. Tell them there’s no rush. 1.6861 0.03449 446 210 166 70
131 I think it's time to salt the roads. 1.6858 0.03512 452 219 156 77
132 Sir, I think we can downgrade from ‘imminent’ threat. 1.6849 0.03363 438 199 178 61
133 Walk! Walk for your life! 1.6835 0.03733 436 223 128 85
134 Snail mail is fighting back. 1.6829 0.03748 432 221 127 84
135 We are melting the garlic butter now, sir. 1.6801 0.03533 422 202 154 66
136 Stroll for your life! 1.6800 0.03573 450 224 146 80
137 OK, this we should have seen coming. 1.6797 0.03848 409 210 120 79
138 It’s a giant snail. Trust me, I’m a scientist. 1.6766 0.03597 436 216 145 75
139 I've confirmed the leisurely response team is on it's way. 1.6765 0.03484 405 194 153 58
140 It's time for bifocals, Ron. 1.6763 0.03636 417 204 144 69
141 You shoot. I'll get the garlic and butter. 1.6760 0.03585 429 210 148 71
142 Any year now it will reach 34th Street. 1.6746 0.03603 378 174 153 51
143 Forget the forecast! Salt the roads!! 1.6740 0.03799 408 208 125 75
144 It appears to be a slow moving crisis 1.6735 0.03790 392 195 130 67
145 Does the street sign say Dangerous Cargo or Danger Escargot? 1.6734 0.03942 398 209 110 79
146 I’d be lying if I said we didn’t see this coming 1.6713 0.03525 432 210 154 68
147 We can panic on Wednesday. Thursday at the latest. 1.6710 0.03770 386 190 133 63
148 The good news is we’ve got time. 1.6707 0.03573 413 199 151 63
149 I'm confused about a couple of things, but mainly the binoculars. 1.6702 0.03931 373 189 118 66
150 It looks dangerous. We'd better walk for it. 1.6691 0.03564 417 202 151 64
151 It's like it's all happening in slow motion 1.6690 0.03512 420 201 157 62
152 He emerged from a French restaurant that's been closed all year. 1.6683 0.03852 404 210 118 76
153 Actually, there is plenty of time to waste. 1.6667 0.03863 375 188 124 63
154 The good news is I think we have some time. 1.6658 0.03763 383 189 133 61
155 I can save the city, but I’ll need all the garlic and melted butter you can find. 1.6651 0.03698 421 215 132 74
156 Just think - we could feed the rich for months! 1.6649 0.04000 370 192 110 68
157 At this rate, the city will be destroyed in 3 to 5 years. 1.6649 0.03851 370 184 126 60
158 He’s vicious. But he always leaves a trail. 1.6641 0.03734 387 191 135 61
159 For now, sir, it seems only to be targeting French restaurants. 1.6632 0.03766 383 190 132 61
160 We believe this one is just an appetizer, sir. 1.6631 0.03787 371 182 132 57
161 You’re right, we may need to call on the French military, culinary division. 1.6617 0.03656 405 201 140 64
162 At least he won't reach Times Square until August. 1.6615 0.03514 390 182 158 50
163 Tell everyone in its path they'll have to walk for their lives. 1.6603 0.03898 365 184 121 60
164 If we don’t do something in the next three months, the city is doomed. 1.6587 0.03622 378 191 132 55
165 You can put down your binoculars--it's a large snail. 1.6585 0.04079 366 195 101 70
166 Is it just me or does he look a little sluggish? 1.6582 0.03703 392 195 136 61
167 On the plus side, it will be a week before he gets to midtown 1.6575 0.03907 362 183 120 59
168 The Brits are sending artillery, the French garlic butter. 1.6560 0.04305 343 188 85 70
169 OMG! He just flattened Trump Tower! Do you think we could get him down to Mar-a-lago?" 1.6559 0.04010 372 197 106 69
170 Sir, at this pace, he'll have leveled Midtown by Autumn 1.6547 0.03751 362 176 135 51
171 At least the National Guard will get here in time. 1.6530 0.04011 366 193 107 66
172 Sir, the French army is on standby, and they brought forks. 1.6529 0.04238 340 183 92 65
173 I don’t know . . . It’s all happening so fast! 1.6518 0.03840 359 179 126 54
174 His anger appears to be directed solely against French Restaurants. 1.6516 0.03891 353 177 122 54
175 The one day we didn’t salt the roads... 1.6515 0.04149 330 171 103 56
176 Sure, your first impulse is "Army, Air Force, Navy and Marines!" But consider how effective a crack squad from the Culinary Institute of America might be. 1.6494 0.04021 348 180 110 58
177 It's the Trump Covid emergency response team. 1.6491 0.04457 322 179 77 66
178 Don’t worry, the streets are salted. 1.6488 0.04027 336 171 112 53
179 He's heading for the French consulate and looks angry. 1.6486 0.04164 350 189 95 66
180 I think it's time to call in the French. 1.6481 0.04215 324 179 89 56
181 Good news is, we have a month to evacuate the city. 1.6481 0.03981 324 169 106 49
182 Well, technically sir, he didn’t leave his home so there’s nothing we can do. 1.6481 0.04172 341 182 97 62
183 Seventh floor, third window from the left. Tell me that isn't Lady Gaga. 1.6471 0.04294 323 173 91 59
184 Might I suggest you don't need the binoculars? 1.6452 0.04049 341 177 108 56
185 Now might be the time to attack. He's looking sluggish. 1.6447 0.04240 304 156 100 48
186 At this rate, we only have 6-8 months to evacuate. 1.6440 0.04184 323 169 100 54
187 We need the French army and 10,000 sets of cutlery! 1.6440 0.04091 323 172 98 53
188 This seems like a problem for future generations 1.6431 0.04299 325 176 89 60
189 A little more to the left...do you see it now? 1.6420 0.04176 324 170 100 54
190 The virus has mutated, but at least it doesn't spread quickly. 1.6417 0.04299 321 173 90 58
191 You fool! Don't just stand there! Walk! Walk for your life!" 1.6415 0.03868 357 182 121 54
192 Yes, that is the Chrysler Building...look a little to the left. 1.6413 0.04388 315 172 84 59
193 What I CAN tell you is that it isn't the garden variety. 1.6407 0.03920 334 167 120 47
194 I don’t know how we didn’t see this coming weeks ago. 1.6401 0.04632 289 160 73 56
195 I recommend we upgrade the alert from glacial to sluggish. 1.6399 0.04037 336 174 109 53
196 If you call in the military, it's going to be a real slugfest. 1.6376 0.04635 287 159 73 55
197 Just googled it. Salt. They all say try salt. 1.6370 0.04050 303 150 113 40
198 About 3,000 lbs. of salt should do it. 1.6367 0.04369 289 151 92 46
199 A little to the left. You really can't miss it. 1.6367 0.04763 289 166 62 61
200 Calm down, Fox News is reporting that it’s a hoax. 1.6367 0.04583 289 159 76 54
201 It's headed to the Guggenheim. It believes we've killed its mate. 1.6367 0.04229 289 146 102 41
202 At this rate, everything below Wall Street will be destroyed before the end of the year. 1.6358 0.04061 302 150 112 40
203 Slow food is huge right now. 1.6358 0.04168 302 154 104 44
204 Don't just stand there, man. Walk for your life! 1.6355 0.04035 332 172 109 51
205 Finally the mail. 1.6355 0.04504 321 184 70 67
206 Really! You need binoculars to see that. 1.6351 0.04522 296 163 78 55
207 You’ll have to evacuate the next block by a week from Tuesday. 1.6331 0.03786 308 167 101 40
208 It’s one of those 3 Mile Island snails. Left Pennsylvania in 1979. 1.6327 0.04473 294 160 82 52
209 No, we literally saw this coming for months ... 1.6325 0.04236 332 182 90 60
210 Don’t stop him. He’s headed right for the garlic and butter. 1.6325 0.04390 283 148 91 44
211 Quick,put out a saucer with beer in it. 1.6323 0.04457 291 157 84 50
212 Fauci said this would happen. 1.6319 0.04495 288 156 82 50
213 Time is not of the essence. 1.6286 0.04343 280 145 94 41
214 Really Charlie, really ....are the binoculars THAT necessary. 1.6286 0.04237 315 169 94 52
215 Well I agree, it looks like this afternoon’s commute will be sluggish. 1.6285 0.04334 288 151 93 44
216 Escargodzilla 1.6279 0.04518 301 169 75 57
217 If only we could have seen this coming! 1.6272 0.04403 287 153 88 46
218 We've got mere days to evacuate city hall! 1.6268 0.04483 276 147 85 44
219 Is now a good time to tell you about the mishap with the frogs? 1.6264 0.04661 265 144 76 45
220 We're rounding up as much butter and garlic as we can find. 1.6264 0.04692 265 145 74 46
221 Actually, the pan IS big enough, we're just waiting on the butter. 1.6263 0.04096 297 150 108 39
222 Only a million gallons of melted garlic butter can stop it. 1.6263 0.04365 297 160 88 49
223 There was widespread panic at first, but now everyone's just bored. 1.6254 0.04491 291 160 80 51
224 Well, at least we’ll have time to prepare. 1.6250 0.03944 304 162 103 39
225 Do you really think those binoculars are necessary, officer? 1.6250 0.04019 288 170 79 39
226 We must warn everybody - meander for your lives. 1.6245 0.04560 277 151 79 47
227 He's horny and he's headed for the Guggenheim. 1.6241 0.04579 282 156 76 50
228 I don't think you need those. 1.6241 0.04236 282 146 97 39
229 I thought he was moving to Mar-a-lago 1.6241 0.04974 266 156 54 56
230 The flu kills more people. I say we ignore it. 1.6240 0.04669 258 139 77 42
231 I think it's the new Postal Service mascot. 1.6231 0.04593 268 145 79 44
232 There's time to lose. 1.6227 0.04644 273 151 74 48
233 Yes, I see it, but my local elected official swears it's a hoax. 1.6227 0.04406 273 143 90 40
234 We're fine. It's Salt Lake City, he can't get far. 1.6218 0.04531 275 156 72 47
235 I recommend a sluggish and uncoordinated response. 1.6218 0.04290 275 141 97 37
236 You really don’t need the binoculars sir. 1.6215 0.04532 288 160 77 51
237 The upside is that we have lots of time to figure this out. 1.6215 0.04673 251 134 78 39
238 Sir, he could destroy the city in a matter of decades. 1.6213 0.04571 272 148 79 45
239 The good news, sir, is that we have plenty of time to decide what to do. 1.6210 0.03947 343 181 111 51
240 If we don't act soon, it could ruin this whole town in 15-16 weeks. 1.6203 0.04435 266 139 89 38
241 It should hit us by next Tuesday. 1.6203 0.04205 266 146 83 37
242 We'll have to run in about an hour. 1.6201 0.03990 308 176 86 46
243 Sir, if we don't evacuate the city by the Thursday after next, we're looking at a mass casualty event. 1.6197 0.04246 284 147 98 39
244 At this point, anything is better than another Trump Tower. 1.6197 0.04477 305 173 75 57
245 There’s nothing you can do—he’s a certified emotional support animal. 1.6196 0.04846 255 143 66 46
246 You must take him alive- he'll be worth billions in France. 1.6194 0.04442 268 141 88 39
247 We still have time to come up with a plan. 1.6189 0.03948 307 154 116 37
248 At this pace I estimate we only have until tomorrow to evacuate. 1.6184 0.04318 283 149 93 41
249 We should warn the next block to evacuate in the next 2-3 days. 1.6182 0.04324 275 143 94 38
250 Finally, a villain that moves at the pace of our bureaucracy. 1.6175 0.04409 285 154 86 45
251 There was one vaccine side effect that I didn't mention. 1.6169 0.04325 248 139 75 34
252 Mon Dieu, Henri... c’est L’Escargodzilla! 1.6165 0.04718 266 149 70 47
253 Now close the left eye and tell me if you see anything unusual. 1.6157 0.04851 242 133 69 40
254 At least we didn’t test it on the ape. 1.6154 0.04910 247 139 64 44
255 Scientifically speaking, there are four other catastrophes that will kill us first. 1.6154 0.04486 260 137 86 37
256 When he gets to your block then will you admit he exists?! 1.6145 0.04493 262 139 85 38
257 We recommend drowning it in butter and garlic. 1.6141 0.04121 311 165 101 45
258 We only have years to stop him. 1.6141 0.04207 298 158 97 43
259 I would have more confidence in your military strategy, if you weren’t the doorman” 1.6134 0.04558 269 147 79 43
260 If you look through the other end it doesn’t seem so bad. 1.6129 0.04459 279 152 83 44
261 If we don't do something now, it will destroy the whole city in just a decade or two. 1.6125 0.04668 240 127 79 34
262 I’m not sure you really need those binoculars 1.6124 0.04615 258 140 78 40
263 He doesn’t seem to be slowing down! 1.6122 0.04641 263 145 75 43
264 Does it look like Mitch McConnell or doesn't it? 1.6120 0.05277 250 154 39 57
265 Have the French responded? 1.6113 0.04307 301 165 88 48
266 In a sense, what you’re looking at is a slow moving disaster’ 1.6109 0.04331 275 145 92 38
267 Too bad the streets department has stopped using salt. 1.6107 0.04464 262 139 86 37
268 Yes, he will destroy the entire city but probably not in our lifetime. 1.6098 0.04760 246 135 72 39
269 We have time. 1.6096 0.04582 251 134 81 36
270 It's unstoppable, but the good news is we have time to pack. 1.6088 0.04060 294 151 107 36
271 The Internet is saying it was released from a Chinese laboratory. In 1978. 1.6074 0.04859 242 135 67 40
272 The glass building between the two tall ones, third floor from the top, second window from the left. I swear she's not wearing any clothes. 1.6068 0.05028 234 133 60 41
273 We really should have seen this coming. 1.6061 0.04602 264 146 76 42
274 You understand now why I told you traffic has been unusually sluggish. 1.6057 0.04833 246 138 67 41
275 We need to salt the roads immediately! 1.6044 0.04423 273 148 85 40
276 We've known this was coming for a while. 1.6044 0.04453 273 149 83 41
277 The French have a plan, but it involves garlic butter..... 1.6036 0.04307 275 146 92 37
278 If we don't do something, in another three days it will crush that cab. 1.6032 0.04610 247 133 79 35
279 Well, at least there's no rush..... 1.6009 0.04828 218 116 73 29
280 Where are the french when we finally need them ? 1.6008 0.04907 248 143 61 44
281 We’re going to need a bigger sauté pan” 1.6000 0.04663 260 146 72 42
282 Looks like we got some time. 1.6000 0.04543 225 115 85 25
283 Threatening? Yes. However, it does lack the element of surprise. 1.6000 0.04528 240 126 84 30
284 We've filled the Lake at Central Park with hot butter. Now it's up to you. 1.5992 0.04698 262 149 69 44
285 That Meryl Streep can do anything. 1.5991 0.05242 212 121 55 36
286 slow news day.... literally. 1.5984 0.04694 244 134 74 36
287 I see nothing. I’m telling you, it’s a hoax. It’ll miraculously disappear. 1.5974 0.04938 231 130 64 37
288 Well, it’s been a long time coming. 1.5958 0.04646 240 130 77 33
289 I recommend deploying the salt trucks. 1.5952 0.04069 252 137 89 26
290 Is there any way to slow it down? 1.5947 0.04891 227 129 64 34
291 Looks like Operation Warp Speed arrived... 1.5946 0.05177 222 129 54 39
292 As best I can estimate, we've got about twelve hours. 1.5946 0.04350 259 137 90 32
293 You know, after a while "unprecedented" just looses all meaning. 1.5942 0.05169 207 116 59 32
294 That's what happens when you close all the French restaurants. 1.5941 0.04847 239 135 66 38
295 We’re going to need more butter and garlic. 1.5939 0.04819 229 126 70 33
296 We're going to need a bigger tiny fork. 1.5931 0.04904 231 130 65 36
297 We should walk for our lives. 1.5923 0.04572 260 145 76 39
298 It will be in Midtown by summer. 1.5913 0.04519 230 120 84 26
299 Is it really delivering the mail? 1.5913 0.04618 252 140 75 37
300 For years, we told people to cut back on salt. Now, it's the only thing that will save us. 1.5905 0.05024 210 116 64 30
301 Times Square is doomed. In two years. 1.5902 0.04701 244 136 72 36
302 Sadly, history will show that this was entirely preventable. But as I told you with climate change, humans just aren’t equipped to recognize slow-moving threats until it’s too late. 1.5899 0.05028 217 122 62 33
303 I’ll take it, at least it’s not Trump 1.5892 0.04819 241 137 66 38
304 It's full of mail. 1.5885 0.04894 243 141 61 41
305 Try reversing the binoculars! 1.5877 0.04777 211 123 60 28
306 Evacuate the French Embassy 1.5876 0.04573 274 158 71 45
307 Our tests indicate he's moving faster than the subway system. 1.5874 0.04757 223 121 73 29
308 Yes, we have a plan: we commandeered all the butter and garlic in the state. 1.5874 0.04715 223 120 75 28
309 First not enough vaccine. Now not enough garlic butter. 1.5874 0.05125 223 130 55 38
310 Good news is, it's going to take him forever to destroy the city. 1.5872 0.04572 235 126 80 29
311 Yep, it's another Wall Street shell company. 1.5872 0.04927 218 121 66 31
312 It’s less about “if” we should panic and more about “when.” 1.5862 0.04618 232 125 78 29
313 Congress? The Pentagon? No sir, this is a job for the Postmaster General. 1.5861 0.04949 244 144 57 43
314 Our only hope is garlic butter. 1.5860 0.05068 215 122 60 33
315 Get me a French chef, stat. 1.5855 0.04707 234 136 63 35
316 Technically not as slimy as Ted Cruz 1.5849 0.05037 212 119 62 31
317 Sodium chloride -- lots of it. 1.5849 0.04349 265 147 83 35
318 Well, at least we've got a week to think of something. 1.5848 0.04615 224 119 79 26
319 I guess we should’ve seen this coming 1.5842 0.05230 202 115 56 31
320 Looks like the mail has arrived. 1.5833 0.04922 216 120 66 30
321 He'll be here any day now! 1.5833 0.04503 240 129 82 29
322 Same location and heading as when you asked me yesterday. 1.5825 0.05059 206 115 62 29
323 Perhaps it would prefer the Garden State." 1.5822 0.04813 225 125 69 31
324 The National Guard said they'll be here next week. That should be fine. 1.5817 0.04976 208 115 65 28
325 Be afraid. Be sort of afraid. 1.5813 0.04973 203 111 66 26
326 Yes, sir, it may have originated in the Garden State...but that trail of slime and destruction leads directly back to the Capitol. 1.5811 0.04905 222 127 62 33
327 I told you 40 years ago this was coming. 1.5806 0.04950 217 122 64 31
328 ”If only you’d listened when I warned you about this years ago—when it was still across the street. 1.5805 0.05310 205 120 51 34
329 Have your men grab their a-salt rifles. 1.5801 0.04758 231 129 70 32
330 And that's just the appetizer! 1.5797 0.05043 207 116 62 29
331 It's the new USPS mascot, sir! 1.5797 0.05135 207 118 58 31
332 It's the new USPS delivery vehicle. 1.5794 0.05091 214 123 58 33
333 Bullets will be useless. Stroll for your life. 1.5794 0.05091 214 123 58 33
334 Stop it? No idea. But if we remove the shell it may become sluggish. 1.5789 0.05187 209 121 55 33
335 He’s not in our jurisdiction quite yet... 1.5789 0.05006 209 117 63 29
336 Apparently he grew every time Trump told a lie. 1.5783 0.04973 249 151 52 46
337 We should have foreseen that opening Trump's tax records would release a slime trail the size of Fifth Avenue. 1.5782 0.05447 211 129 42 40
338 It's still going to be better than last year. 1.5780 0.05103 218 127 56 35
339 On the plus side, his slime has filled in most potholes 1.5779 0.04490 244 133 81 30
340 Clearly we underestimated the amount of butter and garlic needed. 1.5777 0.04921 206 113 67 26
341 There's a big snail at Macy's. 1.5771 0.05112 201 123 47 31
342 Tell the National Guard there's no need to rush. 1.5771 0.04863 201 108 70 23
343 We estimate it'll reach downtown by the summer 1.5764 0.04878 203 110 69 24
344 'What can we do to slow it down?' 1.5763 0.04152 236 135 75 26
345 The situation is getting worse... But slowly 1.5761 0.05139 184 100 62 22
346 Don't worry, the National Guard has been called and will be here Wednesday. 1.5759 0.04998 191 109 58 24
347 Our only hope is the French. 1.5758 0.05509 198 119 44 35
348 Hurry! We only have hours! 1.5758 0.04600 231 126 77 28
349 Well, it's not like we didn't see this coming. 1.5756 0.04892 205 112 68 25
350 On the plus side, he won’t reach our position for at least three days. 1.5739 0.04616 230 137 62 31
351 You weren’t kidding when you said you had a “slow-moving crisis!” 1.5738 0.04222 244 127 94 23
352 I’m afraid the city is doomed. It’s only a matter of years. 1.5728 0.04827 206 112 70 24
353 Artillery would be useless, nukes, too dangerous, I suggest red wine and onions! 1.5726 0.04759 241 139 66 36
354 The garlic butter laser is charged and ready, General. 1.5721 0.05067 201 113 61 27
355 We're gonna need a bigger salad. 1.5721 0.05067 201 113 61 27
356 Alert the Port Authority that it'll be at the Holland Tunnel by Christmas. 1.5714 0.05126 217 128 54 35
357 Clearly it’s an invasive species. 1.5708 0.04704 219 120 73 26
358 Must be the new USPS mascot! 1.5707 0.05126 198 112 59 27
359 I told you New York would come back to normal. 1.5700 0.04812 207 129 49 29
360 Yes, he’s only a snail, but he identifies as Godzilla. 1.5700 0.04812 207 113 70 24
361 Are those really necessary? 1.5695 0.04642 223 131 62 30
362 If we don't act soon it will crush that taxi by Thursday. 1.5694 0.05013 209 119 61 29
363 Damn, he’s even slower than the Trump COVID response. 1.5693 0.05471 202 123 43 36
364 The mail, at last. 1.5691 0.05647 188 114 41 33
365 We need to evacuate the hospital by next Thursday! 1.5691 0.05063 188 103 63 22
366 Hit him with the garlic butter one more time! 1.5689 0.04739 225 126 70 29
367 Another slow moving disaster that we are not prepared for. 1.5688 0.04766 218 121 70 27
368 At this rate, the biggest threat is still climate change. 1.5686 0.05248 204 120 52 32
369 Yep. It's New York's vaccine rollout." 1.5685 0.04995 197 119 51 27
370 So, to confirm, we didn't see this coming? 1.5684 0.04911 190 102 68 20
371 If you look through the other side of binoculars it's not so scarey. 1.5684 0.05240 190 108 56 26
372 We should have seen this coming! 1.5682 0.05073 220 130 55 35
373 Should we tell the French, sir? 1.5676 0.05458 185 108 49 28
374 Well, you can’t say it was a threat you didn’t see coming 1.5674 0.04393 215 129 63 23
375 I don’t know how we didn’t see this coming. 1.5671 0.04884 231 135 61 35
376 It looks like the Post Office is doubling down on snail mail. 1.5670 0.04893 194 118 51 25
377 Sir, we’re hearing the French had a very efficient way of dealing with this problem. 1.5668 0.05196 187 105 58 24
378 It’s all that undelivered mail from the holidays. 1.5668 0.05045 217 127 57 33
379 I see they have found a way to expedite the mail. 1.5661 0.05263 189 108 55 26
380 The police may actually get here on time. 1.5659 0.04700 205 110 74 21
381 What are the binoculars for? 1.5658 0.05012 228 136 55 37
382 If you had only salted the streets like I asked you. 1.5656 0.04609 244 139 72 33
383 Looks like we're in for a real slugfest! 1.5650 0.05285 200 118 51 31
384 You’d better do something, sir; he’ll be here in a few days. 1.5648 0.05064 216 127 56 33
385 Hurry! He'll be here in a week. 1.5641 0.04603 234 131 74 29
386 I think it's from the U.S. Postal Service. 1.5640 0.05070 211 123 57 31
387 I think I see why traffic has slowed to a snails pace. 1.5637 0.05111 204 118 57 29
388 Let's play it safe and have the city evacuated by Friday. 1.5636 0.04951 220 128 60 32
389 At least we should have plenty of time to evacuate everyone. 1.5634 0.04854 213 120 66 27
390 Do we have a pronoun yet? 1.5632 0.05370 174 98 54 22
391 Shall I call out the reserves of garlic and butter, sir? 1.5632 0.05297 190 110 53 27
392 Sir, if we don’t stop him in the next 2 years, we’ll all be doomed!!! 1.5632 0.05136 190 107 59 24
393 At least the insurance industry will keep pace with the claims. 1.5628 0.05259 199 117 52 30
394 Forget the guns. Bring the best French cooks in town. 1.5628 0.04805 199 108 70 21
395 The good news is that he's only moved five feet in two weeks. 1.5625 0.04848 208 116 67 25
396 At the rate he's going he'll destroy the Bronx in 2033. 1.5625 0.04878 192 104 68 20
397 We're pretty certain it's not just of the garden variety. 1.5622 0.04875 217 124 64 29
398 Not a big fan of the Guggenheim’s renovation 1.5619 0.05134 210 124 54 32
399 Sure, but never this far uptown. 1.5616 0.05084 203 117 58 28
400 Super Snail Mail has finally arrived! 1.5613 0.04918 212 121 63 28
401 Tell the residents of that building they have approximately eight weeks to evacuate 1.5611 0.04590 221 125 70 26
402 Finally, a threat that works at our pace. 1.5608 0.05424 189 112 48 29
403 I think the threat is over, it’s been backing up for an hour and a half now. 1.5600 0.05097 175 95 62 18
404 It will look more manageable if you turn your binoculars around. 1.5598 0.05646 184 112 41 31
405 I think he's headed to the Guggenheim. 1.5596 0.05025 193 108 62 23
406 The good news is that we have plenty of time 1.5591 0.04826 220 126 65 29
407 There is no way we could have seen this coming 1.5590 0.05245 195 114 53 28
408 Looks like the French have resumed their thermonuclear testing. 1.5585 0.05181 188 107 57 24
409 We’ll have to call in the French for this one. 1.5582 0.04506 249 142 75 32
410 WE NEED A VERY LARGE SAUCER OF BEER. 1.5580 0.05390 181 105 51 25
411 We’re going to need a lot more garlic butter. 1.5580 0.04786 181 107 54 20
412 Tell superman he doesn't have to rush. 1.5579 0.04530 242 137 75 30
413 I'm sorry, General, we've just never seen anything move this fast downtown! 1.5575 0.04853 226 132 62 32
414 I'm nervous to show you the lab rat. 1.5575 0.05312 174 98 55 21
415 I'd like to think we have the advantage of speed, but there are 12 federal, state and city agencies arguing over jurisdiction... 1.5575 0.05556 174 102 47 25
416 It'll destroy this town in less than a decade 1.5573 0.05360 192 114 49 29
417 At this rate it’ll destroy the entire city by 2054! 1.5565 0.04544 230 128 76 26
418 I don't think explaining the difference between a "slug" and an "snail" is really important right now, General. 1.5562 0.05223 178 100 57 21
419 We're still trying to determine how it managed to sneak up on us. 1.5562 0.05853 178 111 35 32
420 Quit staring and stroll for your life! 1.5561 0.05366 187 110 50 27
421 Now that the rink is closed, we've filled it with all of the city's butter. Can you lure him up 49th? The staff from Le Bernardin will take it from there. 1.5556 0.05253 171 95 57 19
422 In retrospect, we should have seen this coming. 1.5550 0.05097 200 116 57 27
423 By our calculations, it will reach Times Square in May of 2025. 1.5550 0.04896 200 112 65 23
424 It's a follower of that slime-ball who moved to Florida. 1.5549 0.05644 182 111 41 30
425 We predict he will reach city hall in approximately 17 days. 1.5549 0.05273 173 97 56 20
426 That's gonna take a lot of garlic and olive oil 1.5549 0.05144 173 106 45 22
427 I say it's a giant snail... what do you think? 1.5543 0.05474 175 102 49 24
428 With due respect, couldn't you have seen that coming? 1.5533 0.05257 197 117 51 29
429 It's the Postmaster General! 1.5533 0.05354 197 119 47 31
430 We're gonna need a lot of salt, then a lot of butter. 1.5529 0.05041 208 122 57 29
431 Like climate change we've seen it coming for decades but did nothing to stop it 1.5528 0.05118 199 116 56 27
432 You're right---we have enough time finish our coffee, then phone it in. 1.5524 0.04576 210 114 76 20
433 Wait till you see the fork. 1.5523 0.05297 172 97 55 20
434 What do you see? 1.5521 0.05912 163 99 38 26
435 ‘No, I meant because they’re usually nocturnal. But sure, its size too.’ 1.5521 0.05650 163 95 46 22
436 Really?! You didn't see this coming?! 1.5517 0.04894 203 115 64 24
437 I don’t think this calls for any immediate action. 1.5515 0.05063 194 111 59 24
438 No advance warning? I warned you in 2019! 1.5511 0.05392 176 102 51 23
439 ''I hope this is the mother and not one of the kids! '' 1.5509 0.05612 167 98 46 23
440 Tell me what you think. Take your time. 1.5508 0.05422 187 112 47 28
441 You have two choices officer - gather up all the rock salt you can or contact the French embassy. 1.5503 0.05165 189 109 56 24
442 Sir, we believe the only way we can stop it is with a full frontal a-salt. 1.5497 0.05283 191 113 51 27
443 This is like watching a disaster in slow motion! 1.5495 0.05205 202 121 51 30
444 I think we'll need to change the definition of "a New York minute." 1.5495 0.05110 202 119 55 28
445 No one saw this coming. 1.5491 0.05339 173 99 53 21
446 I suggest we start running in a couple of hours. 1.5485 0.04891 206 118 63 25
447 Can nothing slow it down? 1.5484 0.05499 186 113 44 29
448 We'd better stroll for our lives! 1.5482 0.05640 166 98 45 23
449 This variant doesn't spread any faster, but it's much more lethal. 1.5480 0.05547 177 106 45 26
450 Turns out, when you put pepper on them, the opposite happens. 1.5479 0.05349 188 112 49 27
451 Well, sir, we can't say we didn't see this one coming from a long ways off. 1.5475 0.05442 179 106 48 25
452 Well... we’ve got about a week 1.5473 0.04779 201 118 60 23
453 On the bright side, we have plenty of time to figure out a plan. 1.5472 0.04971 212 125 58 29
454 I’ve got the butter and garlic calculations right here. 1.5470 0.05222 181 104 55 22
455 You heard me right Captain, we need 600 tons of Himalayan Salt. 1.5470 0.05103 181 102 59 20
456 We will need to walk for our lives. 1.5469 0.05211 192 113 53 26
457 Actually, we're more concerned about the slime trail. 1.5469 0.05263 192 114 51 27
458 Well, at least we have time to figure out how to stop him. 1.5465 0.04465 172 103 54 15
459 At this rate the entire city will be destroyed in 100 years. 1.5463 0.05101 205 122 54 29
460 It’s demanding 2 dozen Frenchman, cooked in wine, dipped in butter, and wrapped in slices of baguette...and an unoaked Chardonnay. 1.5459 0.05130 196 115 55 26
461 We can stop him, but we'll have to act very slowly. 1.5450 0.05112 189 109 57 23
462 Hose it with drawn butter and garlic. 1.5449 0.04931 167 100 50 17
463 The world is officially escargoingtohell. 1.5445 0.05233 191 113 52 26
464 We’re not sure, sir. It all happened so fast. 1.5444 0.05477 180 108 46 26
465 Sir, our calculations indicate we'll need about 1,956 gallons of garlic butter. 1.5444 0.05437 169 98 50 21
466 Has the Army really stockpiled that much butter, garlic, and Chardonnay? 1.5444 0.05305 169 96 54 19
467 If only Julia Child were here. 1.5440 0.05295 193 116 49 28
468 Oh look, the mail's here 1.5436 0.05450 195 121 42 32
469 Hurry! It will be on top of us in a week or so! 1.5430 0.04688 221 127 68 26
470 If we don't find some way to stop it, the city will be destroyed in a matter of decades. 1.5429 0.04870 210 122 62 26
471 Sir,Paris is suggesting we use butter. 1.5429 0.04531 210 115 76 19
472 At some point we’ll have to stroll slowly away for our lives. 1.5419 0.05386 179 106 49 24
473 The situation is developing at a snail's pace, sir. 1.5417 0.05591 168 100 45 23
474 Mosey for your lives!! 1.5412 0.05726 170 104 40 26
475 Nature and Monsanto find a way. 1.5412 0.05665 170 103 42 25
476 We think it came from outer space. Or France. 1.5411 0.04972 207 122 58 27
477 Looks like he's headed to the French Quarter. 1.5410 0.05297 183 108 51 24
478 We created a giant beer pond to attract it but the townsfolk keep jumping in. 1.5410 0.05240 183 107 53 23
479 This is the slowest disaster I’ve ever seen. 1.5405 0.05140 185 107 56 22
480 Major, you’ve got less than an hour to save that cab. 1.5396 0.05066 202 120 55 27
481 Thank God I stocked up on toilet paper yesterday. 1.5395 0.06184 152 95 32 25
482 Call the French embassy. They'll know what to do. 1.5389 0.05306 180 106 51 23
483 I guess Macron wasn't bluffing. 1.5385 0.05320 182 108 50 24
484 Sir, our garlic stockpile is good, but we'll need more butter. 1.5385 0.05333 156 87 54 15
485 We have at most a week before he gets to City Hall. 1.5385 0.05567 169 101 45 23
486 I didn't say flower bed. I said put the nuclear waste in the fallout shed. 1.5385 0.05921 156 97 35 24
487 Half of the slime on Wall Street isn't our fault. 1.5380 0.05276 184 109 51 24
488 Can’t believe you didn’t see him coming. 1.5380 0.05197 171 97 56 18
489 Well, we did see this coming 1.5375 0.05739 160 96 42 22
490 The bad news is, it’s destroying everything in its path. The good news is, at this pace, it won’t make it to the other side of the street for another week. 1.5374 0.05972 147 88 39 20
491 Saunter for your life. 1.5371 0.05299 175 102 52 21
492 I think we still have time. 1.5367 0.05131 177 101 57 19
493 Climate change came for us even slower and we missed that too 1.5367 0.05315 177 104 51 22
494 Oh no. Walk for your life. Hurry. 1.5363 0.05271 179 105 52 22
495 Must be looking for a French restaurant for some payback. 1.5361 0.05380 166 96 51 19
496 Are you crazy? This is Dallas—we don’t even have salt for the roads! 1.5357 0.05134 196 117 53 26
497 It’s headed towards Trump Tower, hopefully it will make it before 2022!! 1.5350 0.05823 157 95 40 22
498 Dang, you really do need glasses 1.5347 0.06226 144 89 33 22
499 Not your garden-variety. 1.5347 0.04818 202 116 64 22
500 We only have days to save the building. 1.5340 0.05022 191 111 58 22
501 You don't need those. It's a giant snail. 1.5337 0.05659 163 98 43 22
502 Once we ship this bad-boy to Paris, they'll stop moaning about how they gave us the Statue of Liberty. 1.5333 0.06106 150 93 34 23
503 He’s here for the pub crawl. 1.5333 0.05570 150 86 48 16
504 No rush 1.5324 0.06067 139 83 38 18
505 It happened so fast. 1.5323 0.05038 201 120 55 26
506 Sir, we are deploying lettuces on the George Washington Bridge. 1.5322 0.05199 171 107 45 19
507 As if Wall Street wasn't slimy enough! 1.5320 0.04852 203 118 62 23
508 Well,it looks like this slow poke will be the next shift’s problem 1.5314 0.05239 175 102 53 20
509 I told you last month he would get to this block. 1.5312 0.04731 224 133 63 28
510 It might work, but you're talking about a HUGE amount of garlic and butter.... 1.5307 0.05674 179 113 37 29
511 Good luck convincing the internet that this isn’t vaccine related. 1.5306 0.05975 147 89 38 20
512 "General, I suggest blasting it with clarified butter and white wine. But it's going to be pissed." 1.5304 0.05345 181 109 48 24
513 That's why you salt the roads! 1.5294 0.05354 170 100 50 20
514 I say we got 1... 2 months tops before this starts getting ugly. Just enough time for congress to act. 1.5291 0.04894 189 108 62 19
515 We estimate that at this rate, it will be across the street in a just over seven months. 1.5291 0.05243 172 100 53 19
516 Let's see if the Pentagon can deploy a giant duck 1.5290 0.05039 155 99 39 17
517 I knew we should’ve salted the roads 1.5290 0.05591 155 91 46 18
518 If you look closely,you can see that it’s moving towards us! 1.5287 0.05134 174 100 56 18
519 Here comes the helicopter with the garlic sauce. 1.5287 0.04996 157 85 61 11
520 We can't stop it. All we can do is avoid it easily. 1.5287 0.05538 157 92 47 18
521 Ugh. Rudy is back in town. 1.5284 0.05637 176 110 39 27
522 A lot of garlic, a lot of olive oil. But we can do this. 1.5282 0.04947 195 114 59 22
523 It's not a Liberal hoax, General. 1.5274 0.05684 146 85 45 16
524 You're right--I am expecting a package by snail mail. 1.5269 0.05083 167 102 46 19
525 We’ll just have to slug it out! 😂 1.5269 0.05292 167 97 52 18
526 Turn them around, Joe...I can assure you it is NOT an inch tall and three miles away. 1.5267 0.05960 150 92 37 21
527 Why the binoculars? 1.5266 0.04855 188 107 63 18
528 Make that two tons of butter, 10,000 cloves of garlic, and 500 pounds of parsley. 1.5263 0.05267 171 100 52 19
529 Really? Binoculars? It's a giant snail, sir. 1.5263 0.05750 152 93 39 20
530 He’s getting sluggish. 1.5258 0.04870 213 128 58 27
531 Are those really necessary Bob? 1.5258 0.05073 194 116 54 24
532 Call Paris. The French will know what to do. 1.5253 0.05798 158 97 39 22
533 You can put the binoculars down now. 1.5253 0.06003 158 100 33 25
534 ‘This is New York sir, snails pace is actually faster than many of our roads.’ 1.5253 0.05728 158 96 41 21
535 Why yes, I do have some garlic and butter. Why do you ask? 1.5247 0.05412 162 100 42 20
536 What else do I need to do to prove that you need glasses? 1.5244 0.05433 164 97 48 19
537 We should have plenty of time to plan an escape. 1.5238 0.05335 189 117 45 27
538 For once I recommend a sluggish response. 1.5235 0.05484 170 103 45 22
539 You're going to need a giant French chef. 1.5235 0.05916 149 91 38 20
540 I saw this coming from a mile away. 1.5235 0.05760 149 89 42 18
541 If we don’t move in the next six hours, we’re done for! 1.5233 0.05245 172 101 52 19
542 I can't see anything because this giant snail is blocking my view! 1.5232 0.05625 151 89 45 17
543 Sir, we need to open up our strategic salt reserve NOW! 1.5230 0.05450 174 106 45 23
544 Good God! He's destroying the city at a snails pace! 1.5226 0.05885 155 96 37 22
545 Wow! Macy’s has really gone all out this year! 1.5223 0.05391 157 91 50 16
546 We're still kicking names around, but we needn't rush it. 1.5220 0.05560 159 95 45 19
547 Get Le Bernardin over here immediately with six tons of butter and nine thousand cloves of garlic, finely chopped. 1.5220 0.05325 182 111 47 24
548 Finally, the mail’s here! 1.5220 0.05155 205 128 47 30
549 The good news is, it's a slow-moving variant. 1.5217 0.05366 161 94 50 17
550 I've been looking at this cartoon for a week, Captain, and it appears to be moving at a, uh, well, you know. 1.5211 0.06056 142 87 36 19
551 You guess the weight - I'm going to go call every French chef in town. 1.5210 0.05428 167 100 47 20
552 He seems to be targeting French restaurants 1.5208 0.06073 144 89 35 20
553 The good news is that my team is working at a snail's pace. 1.5205 0.05768 146 87 42 17
554 It’s going to disappear. One day — it’s like a miracle — it will disappear.” 1.5203 0.05947 148 91 37 20
555 What do I think it is? Snail, male... 1.5203 0.06099 148 93 33 22
556 If the road salt doesn't stop him we might have to walk for our lives! 1.5202 0.05223 173 102 52 19
557 Shoulda seen that coming from a mile away. 1.5200 0.05654 150 89 44 17
558 General, I really think you should take Jacques Pépin's call. 1.5198 0.05168 202 126 47 29
559 Everything was fine until those fourth graders started tapping on the glass. 1.5197 0.05752 152 92 41 19
560 Remember: objects are closer than they appear 1.5195 0.04894 154 102 37 15
561 Have you tried putting a couple of slugs in it? 1.5192 0.05786 156 96 39 21
562 We need to evacuate the city. But no rush. 1.5191 0.04952 183 106 59 18
563 Just as I thought: it's a giant snail. 1.5190 0.05587 158 98 40 20
564 Call out every French chef in the country! 1.5189 0.05204 185 112 50 23
565 This is why it's important to salt the roads 1.5187 0.05380 187 117 43 27
566 Would ya look at that? Not a cloud in the sky. 1.5179 0.05404 168 101 47 20
567 Can't say we didn't see this coming. 1.5176 0.05422 170 103 46 21
568 I knew after that damned ferret that this cloning stuff was going to get out of control. 1.5175 0.05688 143 84 44 15
569 French restaurants are demanding we take it alive, General. 1.5175 0.05688 143 84 44 15
570 Tell everyone to crawl for their lives. 1.5170 0.04766 176 110 48 18
571 Hold onto your hat, Gus...it’s the Covid vaccine rollout Comin’ our way! 1.5170 0.05283 176 106 49 21
572 I’d say we have about a week to make a plan. 1.5170 0.05575 147 86 46 15
573 Now is a good time to trust the scientist. You don't need the binoculars. 1.5161 0.05443 155 91 48 16
574 Bottom line, general is that we'll just have to slug it out. 1.5161 0.05595 155 93 44 18
575 It could wreak enormous destruction — eventually... 1.5152 0.05130 165 95 55 15
576 YOU tell him he's not eligible for the vaccine. 1.5149 0.06153 134 82 35 17
577 Technically yes,the city is lost. But we have three weeks to evacuate that building. 1.5139 0.05486 144 86 44 14
578 But where would we acquire 30,000 gallons of herb butter and a 40 ton skillet? 1.5133 0.05655 150 90 43 17
579 Call Jaques Pepin, and tell him to bring a lot of butter 1.5132 0.05903 152 95 36 21
580 Get ready, General. At this rate he'll destroy the entire city within months! 1.5132 0.05522 152 90 46 16
581 We're going to need a lot more butter and garlic bread. 1.5123 0.05623 162 100 41 21
582 Sir, salt trucks are not designed for this sort of crisis. 1.5120 0.05249 166 98 51 17
583 In the case of this particular gigantic monster, we are fortunate that running away actually works. 1.5119 0.05663 168 106 38 24
584 It's a sign of Spring! He's on his way to mate the Guggenheim. 1.5119 0.05339 168 101 48 19
585 This has been a long time coming. 1.5118 0.05358 170 103 47 20
586 I'm a slug guy. Looks like you're going to want a snail guy. 1.5116 0.06428 129 81 30 18
587 In my scientific opinion, we're going to need a bigger salt shaker. 1.5116 0.04981 172 99 58 15
588 My suggestion is that we just slug it out. 1.5115 0.05073 174 102 55 17
589 You don't see them in the winter because we salt the roads. 1.5114 0.05283 176 107 48 21
590 I suggest an eye exam if you need binoculars 1.5106 0.06007 141 87 36 18
591 If it made it here, it can make it anywhere 1.5106 0.05660 141 83 44 14
592 Monster! Walk for your lives! 1.5106 0.04916 188 111 58 19
593 You seriously need to use those binoculars now? 1.5106 0.06091 141 88 34 19
594 Don't be afraid! It'll take him a bit of time to admit Biden won. 1.5103 0.06121 145 92 32 21
595 This variant could be a problem. 1.5103 0.05371 145 83 50 12
596 This just proves that traffic in the city moves at a snail's pace. 1.5089 0.04974 169 97 58 14
597 We have time, Captain. It’s moving at a snail’s pace. 1.5089 0.04682 169 103 52 14
598 I don't think its what's eating your tomatoes 1.5078 0.06371 128 80 31 17
599 The bad news is is that it escaped from a lab. The good news is that it will take at least a week to reach us. 1.5078 0.05973 128 78 36 14
600 Better alert the French Embassy. 1.5075 0.05874 134 80 40 14
601 We ran the numbers. It's going to completely destroy the city, but it's going to take 3 years 1.5074 0.05995 136 83 37 16
602 Sir, we think we can dissolve the shell, but then you’ll have a real slugfest on your hands. 1.5071 0.05954 140 86 37 17
603 Look, Fred! You can see the Empire State Building from here! 1.5069 0.05994 144 90 35 19
604 Those Macy people have overdone it this year. 1.5068 0.05932 146 91 36 19
605 I warned you months ago that I saw this coming. 1.5068 0.05871 148 92 37 19
606 I wish we didn't waste all the salt on that giant margarita. 1.5067 0.05734 150 92 40 18
607 I say we douse it with garlic butter and call in the French army. 1.5066 0.05522 152 91 45 16
608 The postal service reveals its new delivery vehicle. 1.5066 0.06262 152 101 25 26
609 If we don't act in months, the rest of this block could be devastated. 1.5065 0.05547 154 93 44 17
610 What will it take for me to convince you to give in and wear glasses? 1.5065 0.06128 154 101 28 25
611 Finally,a threat slow enough for the government to address effectively. Maybe. Hopefully. 1.5064 0.05643 156 96 41 19
612 We should anticipate a run on garlic. 1.5064 0.05494 156 94 45 17
613 Ok,we’ve got a year to evacuate! 1.5063 0.05369 158 94 48 16
614 It’s coming! Get out of here at a moderate pace! 1.5063 0.05170 160 93 53 14
615 We're going to need a helluva lot of butter. 1.5061 0.05297 164 98 49 17
616 Better call for backup now. He could get here any day now. 1.5061 0.05153 164 96 53 15
617 Butter is OK but we're gonna need a lot more garlic. 1.5060 0.05455 166 102 44 20
618 Hit it with a salt rifle. 1.5060 0.05587 166 104 40 22
619 He says “You’ve got mail”. 1.5060 0.05340 168 102 47 19
620 This is the problem with snail mail. 1.5056 0.05117 178 107 52 19
621 Don't worry. You can always outrun it. 1.5054 0.05054 184 111 53 20
622 We'll need a lot of salt, but there's no hurry. 1.5041 0.06150 123 74 36 13
623 Damn. Trump is back already. 1.5039 0.06602 127 82 26 19
624 This is somehow only the third craziest thing I’ve seen this week 1.5038 0.06280 133 84 31 18
625 If you look through the other end, he's not so scary. 1.5036 0.05872 137 83 39 15
626 I'm inclined to blame it on the French too. 1.5035 0.05690 143 86 42 15
627 At least this variant moves more slowly. 1.5034 0.05372 145 84 49 12
628 Fortunately it’s moving at snail’s pace. 1.5034 0.05660 147 89 42 16
629 I think we need more salt. 1.5033 0.05388 151 89 48 14
630 I'm going to have to adjust your prescription. 1.5033 0.05726 153 95 39 19
631 ON THE OTHER HAND, TIME MAY BE ON OUR SIDE 1.5033 0.05496 153 92 45 16
632 "At the rate rate it's moving we'll have twelve weeks to evacuate the city." 1.5032 0.04701 155 95 50 10
633 I think I see a naked woman in that 8th floor window. 1.5031 0.05984 161 106 29 26
634 No thanks, I don’t need the binoculars. 1.5000 0.05295 148 97 36 15
635 We're slowly doomed! 1.5000 0.05575 144 86 44 14
636 We have twenty of the world's best French chefs working on it. 1.5000 0.05811 136 82 40 14
637 I would say the threat is imminent, but keep in mind I had the time to run home to get the binoculars. 1.5000 0.05490 122 68 47 7
638 Looks like it's going to be a slugfest! 1.5000 0.05996 136 84 36 16
639 We better move by tomorrow. It's coming this way. 1.5000 0.05904 136 83 38 15
640 General, it’s time to tell everyone to begin moseying. 1.5000 0.04954 170 99 57 14
641 I know a French chef that would like to have the first shot at it." 1.5000 0.05398 144 84 48 12
642 It's the new postmaster general. 1.5000 0.05583 176 114 36 26
643 I can only say...it's going to be a slow death. 1.5000 0.05293 158 94 49 15
644 In ten years it could threaten the whole block. 1.5000 0.05272 162 97 49 16
645 All I can say is that we need salt. 1.5000 0.05227 170 103 49 18
646 I would take it with a grain of salt. 1.5000 0.05735 150 93 39 18
647 I think it's one of ours. 1.5000 0.05451 142 83 47 12
648 Ah, the long awaited arrival of the holiday mail. 1.5000 0.06019 138 86 35 17
649 It’s not an immediate threat. 1.5000 0.05547 154 94 43 17
650 Well, sir, it has been a year. 1.5000 0.05969 134 82 37 15
651 We thought the new variant was going to be big, but not this big 1.5000 0.05506 140 82 46 12
652 I guess we should have seen it coming. 1.5000 0.05520 146 87 45 14
653 We’re going to need a carload of butter, a ton of garlic and a really big fry pan. 1.4971 0.05587 171 110 37 24
654 The morning news did say that traffic is moving at a snail's pace 1.4968 0.05543 157 97 42 18
655 Two words: road salt. 1.4968 0.05521 155 95 43 17
656 Do what you can to avoid a slugfest. 1.4965 0.05861 143 89 37 17
657 Yeah, that's the Chrysler Building. 1.4965 0.06026 143 91 33 19
658 The postal service must be trying something new 1.4965 0.05944 143 90 35 18
659 You're from the Relatively Soon Emergency Response Team? 1.4965 0.05194 141 91 37 13
660 Of course salt will work. But have you considered garlic butter instead? 1.4965 0.05837 141 87 38 16
661 We call him the City Slicker 1.4965 0.05749 141 88 37 16
662 There Escargots the neighborhood 1.4965 0.05660 141 85 42 14
663 Nobody could have seen this coming. 1.4962 0.06070 131 81 35 15
664 Fortunately, sir, we have some time. 1.4961 0.05796 127 75 41 11
665 The good news is there's plenty of time to evacuate. 1.4961 0.06212 127 79 33 15
666 2020 Wasn't So Bad After All 1.4959 0.06040 123 74 37 12
667 Until the salt truck arrives, I suggest a butter and garlic assault. 1.4941 0.05359 170 106 44 20
668 It's a giant snail that's 30 feet away. Do you really need those binoculars? 1.4940 0.04995 168 99 55 14
669 What do you mean it's speeding? 1.4937 0.05661 158 100 38 20
670 At this rate, he'll be on top of us in less than a week! 1.4937 0.05216 158 94 50 14
671 Snail mail has taken a dark turn. 1.4936 0.05569 156 97 41 18
672 We have some time. 1.4935 0.05698 154 97 38 19
673 The good news is we've had a week to evacuate the city. 1.4932 0.05604 146 89 42 15
674 General, if your troops don't arrive in the next few weeks, we're doomed! 1.4931 0.05215 144 83 51 10
675 We've got time. It will take a few days for it to reach the center of the city. 1.4930 0.05719 142 87 40 15
676 It looks suspiciously like the U.S. Postal Service. 1.4929 0.06124 140 90 31 19
677 Sir, I don't think we have enough garlic for this one. 1.4929 0.05779 140 86 39 15
678 After careful study, we believe it's a metaphor. 1.4928 0.06443 138 92 24 22
679 This snail has grown so quickly by feeding on constant bullshit. You're going to have blow up Fox News to save the world. 1.4926 0.06348 136 89 27 20
680 I suggest you call in the salt trucks. 1.4926 0.05811 136 85 36 15
681 I warned of a slow-moving coup. 1.4926 0.05904 136 87 33 16
682 It's the latest variant.What do we do now? 1.4925 0.05778 134 81 40 13
683 Do you really think you need those? 1.4922 0.06075 128 79 35 14
684 If only we had had time to prepare. 1.4919 0.06113 124 76 35 13
685 How much butter, garlic, and parsley do you figure we'll need? 1.4918 0.04893 183 110 56 17
686 Article 4 of NATO has been triggered, and - I can't believe I'm saying this - the French will save us. 1.4915 0.06453 118 74 30 14
687 At this rate it could destroy almost half of midtown by 2090. 1.4910 0.05430 167 105 42 20
688 Next year we go back to the Snoopy balloon. 1.4907 0.06772 108 68 27 13
689 True, it's a crisis, but I think we have some time. 1.4904 0.05393 157 96 45 16
690 We can just let the next generation deal with it 1.4904 0.05542 157 98 41 18
691 The bad news, sir: We're out of salt. The good news: We can definitely outrun it. 1.4902 0.05337 153 92 47 14
692 Have you tried salt? 1.4901 0.05049 151 92 47 12
693 Sir, this is why we recommend salting the roads *before* disaster strikes. 1.4899 0.05763 149 94 37 18
694 We’re going to need more garlic and butter. 1.4897 0.05800 145 91 37 17
695 I doubt there's any way to slow it. 1.4892 0.05719 139 85 40 14
696 Over 500 metric tons, it leaves radioactive slime as it moves, but from what we can tell so far, it doesn’t tweet. 1.4892 0.05898 139 87 36 16
697 Wait, I thought he moved to Florida... 1.4889 0.06384 135 89 26 20
698 We need 5000 tons of garlic butter and every French chef in the country! No rush. 1.4887 0.06280 133 86 29 18
699 Warn your residents that they've only got two days to evacuate. 1.4886 0.04967 176 106 54 16
700 Should I tell the National Guard they don’t need to rush? 1.4884 0.06040 129 80 35 14
701 It's probably carrying our stimulus checks. 1.4882 0.06211 127 80 32 15
702 With everything else going on, we honestly just kind of forgot about it. 1.4882 0.05902 127 77 38 12
703 That doesn't change the fact that it's on the endangered species list. 1.4880 0.06182 125 78 33 14
704 It's a post office innovation. They thought they could speed up delivery if they made the snail bigger. 1.4878 0.05638 164 106 36 22
705 Okay, now down a bit and to your left. Rhymes with "hail". 1.4876 0.06651 121 79 25 17
706 Dr Nutcase, this is not what we meant when we asked you to design a large weapon that could handle massive shells. 1.4874 0.06630 119 77 26 16
707 Looks like all the mail-in votes are finally coming in 1.4874 0.06300 119 74 32 13
708 This is not the slow moving disaster we predicted. 1.4872 0.05263 156 94 48 14
709 Well, the good news is time is on our side. 1.4872 0.05418 156 96 44 16
710 Our top scientists are already developing giant birds to take care of the situation. 1.4872 0.04408 156 94 54 8
711 How much butter and garlic do you think we'll need? 1.4868 0.04849 152 86 58 8
712 With all do respect General, if you can’t see the problem then I think it’s time you retire. 1.4868 0.05600 152 95 40 17
713 General, we have three maybe four years before it reaches the nuclear power plant and dooms us all! 1.4867 0.05245 150 89 49 12
714 It took three days to escape the lab and you just called us now??? 1.4863 0.05851 146 93 35 18
715 We've alerted the National Guard, the Air Force, and the Morton Salt Company. 1.4861 0.05397 144 86 46 12
716 If we don’t hurry and do something right now, it’s okay! 1.4859 0.05718 142 88 39 15
717 By my calculations General, it will destroy the entire city,,,, in 127 years. 1.4857 0.05953 140 89 34 17
718 Surprise attack? It's taken him 6 months just to cross this street! 1.4855 0.06191 138 90 29 19
719 Watch out for that gentrification, at first it comes in at a snail’s pace. 1.4855 0.05748 138 85 39 14
720 Hurry, we only have several hours until it gets here. 1.4852 0.05381 169 110 38 21
721 Our only hope is salt spreaders. 1.4851 0.05873 134 86 33 15
722 It’s my turn to look. 1.4846 0.05803 130 79 39 12
723 At this rate, we'll be devastated by next week. 1.4844 0.05762 128 77 40 11
724 Speaking as a psychologist, I believe he's really pissed about "snail mail" jokes 1.4839 0.05595 155 98 39 18
725 Quickly now....Tell everyone to walk for their lives 1.4837 0.05572 153 96 40 17
726 We’ll need to evacuate everyone south of 42 street. But we probably have a month to get them out 1.4837 0.05254 153 92 48 13
727 The Tai Chi practitioners were the first to go. 1.4836 0.05962 122 74 37 11
728 I told you Senator Cruz’s final form was a sight to behold. 1.4834 0.05781 151 97 35 19
729 As I predicted, we are in for a slow death. 1.4833 0.05915 120 72 38 10
730 Makes sense. Everyone else gained weight during the lockdowns. 1.4831 0.06223 118 73 33 12
731 I give up. What's big and slimy and headed this way? 1.4828 0.06301 116 72 32 12
732 I'm pretty sure the binoculars are not necessary Commissioner 1.4828 0.05715 145 91 38 16
733 My god, we've got to stop him, or he'll destroy the city in a matter of months! 1.4828 0.05806 116 68 40 8
734 Just how hard did it rain last night? 1.4825 0.06106 143 94 29 20
735 When Donald Trump said he'd be back I didn't think this is what he meant. 1.4825 0.06382 114 81 19 14
736 I know you won't believe me, sir, but it's Sacha Baron Cohen. 1.4823 0.05747 141 88 38 15
737 We've commandeered all the chicken stock and garlic butter in the tri-state area. 1.4820 0.05532 139 84 43 12
738 Quick! Someone send out the Morton’s Girl’s signal! 1.4818 0.06678 110 70 27 13
739 Mind if I take a look? 1.4818 0.05961 137 87 34 16
740 General, the French Food Expansion Institute sincerely apologizes. 1.4812 0.06000 133 84 34 15
741 I told you 2021 wasn’t going to be better. 1.4810 0.05367 158 98 44 16
742 I told you to order non-GMO escargot! 1.4810 0.05659 158 102 36 20
743 March 2025 — This is the most unexpected symptom of COVID-19 to date. 1.4809 0.06352 131 86 27 18
744 Fortunately, we’ve had plenty of time to evacuate. 1.4809 0.05456 131 77 45 9
745 I really don't mean to be oppositional. But, "imminent" existential threat? Really? 1.4809 0.05348 131 76 47 8
746 I've alerted the French. 1.4806 0.06236 129 83 30 16
747 Any sign of Jake from State Farm? 1.4806 0.06138 129 82 32 15
748 That what happens when you administer 3 doses of the vaccine. 1.4803 0.05793 127 77 39 11
749 We could just walk away, you know. 1.4803 0.05278 152 92 47 13
750 Sir the helicopters are loaded, garlic sauce drop on your command. 1.4800 0.06075 125 78 34 13
751 Get the good wine. 1.4797 0.05790 148 95 35 18
752 Snail Mail is here. Let's see what we got. 1.4797 0.06147 123 79 30 14
753 The vaccines were safe, they said. 1.4795 0.05397 171 110 40 21
754 My expert opinion? Stick with the classic. You can't go wrong with garlic butter. 1.4795 0.05254 146 87 48 11
755 First, we are going need a ton of butter. 1.4795 0.05768 146 93 36 17
756 Our only hope is to get him to Salt Lake City 1.4786 0.06715 117 77 24 16
757 The lab results are in. It’s a giant snail. 1.4786 0.05777 140 91 33 16
758 Should I prepare the city for a slow destruction? 1.4783 0.05560 138 84 42 12
759 It's like watching a car crash in slow motion. 1.4783 0.05366 161 101 43 17
760 Well, this escalated slowly. 1.4779 0.05993 136 87 33 16
761 Sir, if we don’t act quickly, not that much will happen. 1.4779 0.05993 136 87 33 16
762 Wow, when did the new Guggenheim go up?! 1.4779 0.06083 136 88 31 17
763 What is it that you can't see? 1.4779 0.06897 113 75 22 16
764 It's going to kill us all. We should alert people to stroll leisurely. Stroll for their lives! 1.4778 0.05011 180 112 50 18
765 The good news is, he should round the corner some time right before the Thanksgiving parade. 1.4773 0.05427 132 78 45 9
766 It all just happened so fast. 1.4771 0.05647 153 98 37 18
767 L’éscarGONE 1.4766 0.05970 128 80 35 13
768 On the plus side, it’s not microscopic. 1.4762 0.05404 147 90 44 13
769 No hurry ... he won't get here for a couple of hours. 1.4762 0.05824 126 77 38 11
770 We can’t say we didn’t see it coming 1.4762 0.05656 147 93 38 16
771 Oh, it's only a promotion for the U.S. Post Office" 1.4762 0.06143 126 80 32 14
772 I told them the GMO Escargot Program was a bad idea. 1.4762 0.05269 168 106 44 18
773 We've identified it, Sir. It's democracy in action. 1.4758 0.06216 124 79 31 14
774 Deploy the salt trucks! 1.4758 0.06216 124 79 31 14
775 Things escalated slowly. 1.4754 0.05959 122 75 36 11
776 Actually, we do have all day. 1.4750 0.06478 120 78 27 15
777 They said snail mail was dead, but it has returned. Stronger than ever. 1.4748 0.05716 139 87 38 14
778 We’ve put in a call to the French embassy. 1.4746 0.06221 118 74 32 12
779 They’re selling escargot at Costco now. 1.4745 0.05682 137 85 39 13
780 Eventually, yes. 1.4745 0.05587 137 84 41 12
781 We’ve only got 253 years until it destroys the whole city! 1.4745 0.05291 137 83 44 10
782 Don't worry, we have time. 1.4737 0.05998 133 85 33 15
783 We haven’t seen a trail this destructive and slimy left behind since January 20th. 1.4737 0.06379 114 72 30 12
784 If it's of any comfort, when you turn the binoculars around, it looks farther away. 1.4729 0.05727 129 79 39 11
785 I'm going to need a French chef and a lot of butter. 1.4726 0.05252 146 88 47 11
786 Now we just need some puppy dog tails and we can make little boys. 1.4720 0.05364 161 102 42 17
787 If they can't get out of the way in time, they're not trying. 1.4718 0.05715 142 90 37 15
788 Before deploying the fighter jets, may I suggest a road salt truck? 1.4715 0.06252 123 79 30 14
789 General, we don't have that much butter. 1.4714 0.05863 140 90 34 16
790 We need a defense plan—but no rush. 1.4713 0.05755 157 104 32 21
791 No,not that,that's the Chrysler Building. 1.4711 0.06107 121 76 33 12
792 You'll want to salt the roads, but there's no hurry. 1.4706 0.06295 119 76 30 13
793 He became irate when someone called him a slug. 1.4706 0.05615 136 84 40 12
794 ¨Jack, I can fit you in for that eye exam first thing in the morning.¨ 1.4706 0.05711 136 85 38 13
795 Do you believe the CDC now? 1.4706 0.06065 119 74 34 11
796 We've got to find a way to get ahead of this thing. 1.4701 0.05674 134 95 22 17
797 Have you tried garlic butter and parsley? 1.4701 0.05369 134 80 45 9
798 Maybe it's just a metaphor! 1.4701 0.05963 134 86 33 15
799 Crawl for your life!!! 1.4701 0.06489 117 76 27 14
800 How long have you known this was coming? 1.4697 0.05735 132 82 38 12
801 The lab says they can build a salt shaker to scale in six months - that should give us more than enough time. 1.4697 0.05835 132 83 36 13
802 A salt will stop the assault! 1.4695 0.05291 164 104 43 17
803 I'd say we have 60 to 72 hours max to evacuate. 1.4691 0.05193 162 101 46 15
804 Sir, if we don’t stop him here, he’ll hit Los Angeles in 150 years 1.4690 0.05365 145 89 44 12
805 You eat them with a special fork lift. 1.4688 0.05863 128 80 36 12
806 It's bound to be the slowest, most disgusting rampage this fair city has ever seen 1.4688 0.05602 160 105 35 20
807 This is what happens when you don't salt the roads 1.4683 0.05929 126 79 35 12
808 I see traffic once again slowing to a snail's pace. 1.4681 0.05831 141 93 31 17
809 Sir, if we play our cards right, this heat wave and butter spray could be just the solution. 1.4681 0.05917 141 92 32 17
810 Yes, he does look a little sluggish. 1.4677 0.05775 124 76 38 10
811 We only have the tiny forks, sir. 1.4677 0.06213 124 80 30 14
812 The French ambassador suggests we fire bomb it then drench it in oil and garlic. 1.4677 0.06106 124 79 32 13
813 This should have been an email. 1.4676 0.05980 139 91 31 17
814 He's an unattended high school science fair project. 1.4676 0.05713 139 88 37 14
815 Call out the salt trucks. 1.4673 0.06412 107 67 30 10
816 It’s the newest innovation in snail mail, they call it S-Cargo. 1.4673 0.06682 107 69 26 12
817 I'm just saying, medically speaking, if you need binoculars here, it's time for corrective lenses. 1.4667 0.05728 150 98 34 18
818 You're going to need a bigger garlic clove. 1.4662 0.05542 148 94 39 15
819 Aye, Captain. The Great White Snail! 1.4662 0.05542 148 94 39 15
820 Plausible deniability has fled, Sir. 1.4662 0.05395 133 89 31 13
821 The Post Office is testing its newest strategy for COVID vaccine delivery. 1.4658 0.05597 146 93 38 15
822 Well, we’ve got a couple of moments to lose. 1.4656 0.05557 131 80 41 10
823 For once, sir, I think we to call in France to help. 1.4655 0.06052 116 72 34 10
824 Actually, we don’t use the word ‘snail’ anymore. They prefer to be called mollusks. 1.4655 0.06413 116 75 28 13
825 its looking for the big apple 1.4653 0.07388 101 69 17 15
826 I think we found another variant 1.4653 0.06831 101 65 25 11
827 I’ll get the salt. 1.4653 0.05299 144 88 45 11
828 All we need is a salt shaker. 1.4653 0.06068 144 97 27 20
829 The two thousand restaurants in this city will know what to do ! 1.4651 0.06132 129 84 30 15
830 We're going to need a bigger salt truck. 1.4651 0.06033 129 83 32 14
831 Imminent danger? Not exactly, sir. 1.4650 0.05154 157 97 47 13
832 Salt didn't work. Try garlic and butter? 1.4649 0.05999 114 70 35 9
833 Binoculars? Really? 1.4648 0.05884 142 93 32 17
834 It left Tokyo a year before Godzilla in 1954. 1.4648 0.05712 142 91 36 15
835 Salt? 1.4646 0.05787 127 79 37 11
836 We’re looking at a national garlic shortage before this is over. 1.4646 0.05787 127 79 37 11
837 The only thing that will stop it is a massive bomb made of garlic, salt, white wine, parsley, and melted butter. 1.4643 0.05498 140 87 41 12
838 We're going to need alot more butter... 1.4641 0.05165 153 94 47 12
839 We'll need to launch a full blown salt 1.4640 0.06174 125 81 30 14
840 He may be trying to parallel park. 1.4636 0.06285 110 69 31 10
841 We would have warned you earlier, but everything happened so fast. 1.4636 0.06671 110 72 25 13
842 Wow, these binoculars magnify wonderfully. 1.4636 0.05541 151 97 38 16
843 Let's lure him to a French restaurant. 1.4634 0.06141 123 79 31 13
844 Dr Fauci - this new variant is moving as fast as our response to the pandemic! 1.4634 0.06141 123 79 31 13
845 To be fair we've been warning you for decades. 1.4632 0.05612 136 85 39 12
846 He’ll stop when he comes to a fork in the road. 1.4630 0.06763 108 71 24 13
847 At this rate the entire city will be destroyed in three to six years! 1.4628 0.06103 121 77 32 12
848 He's headed this way! Saunter for your life! 1.4628 0.05873 121 75 36 10
849 Call off your damn air strike general, he’s delivering Covid vaccines! 1.4627 0.05671 134 94 25 15
850 Don't worry, at this rate we'll all have plenty of time to flee to our country houses. 1.4623 0.06168 106 65 33 8
851 It's the new USPS mascot....... 1.4623 0.06591 106 68 27 11
852 The good news is that it is happening very slowly. 1.4622 0.06291 119 77 29 13
853 I think he's angry that the traffic is so slow. 1.4621 0.06122 132 87 29 16
854 If my calculations are correct, it'll take six months for it to get uptown." 1.4621 0.05630 132 82 39 11
855 You told me climate change wasn’t urgent enough to get attention, either. 1.4621 0.05362 145 90 43 12
856 No need to hurry General, we've got time 1.4615 0.05135 143 86 48 9
857 The good news is we’ve got a couple of hours before he gets here! 1.4615 0.05594 143 91 38 14
858 French Special Forces are on their way! 1.4615 0.05681 143 92 36 15
859 We’ll need to evacuate all the buildings in its immediate path over a period of six to eight weeks. 1.4609 0.05753 128 80 37 11
860 Shall we unleash the French chefs? 1.4609 0.05960 115 71 35 9
861 Get rid of one slime-bag and an even bigger one shows up to replace him.. 1.4609 0.06909 115 79 19 17
862 Yes, that’s the one!” 1.4605 0.05434 152 97 40 15
863 I don't think today is the day it'll magically disappear 1.4603 0.04734 126 90 27 9
864 I can't see a thing with that stupid snail in the way! 1.4602 0.06656 113 75 24 14
865 This comes from letting restaurants raise their own. 1.4602 0.06414 113 73 28 12
866 It’s not the pace that concerns me, Captain. 1.4602 0.06536 113 74 26 13
867 It was meant to be a metaphor. 1.4600 0.06578 100 63 28 9
868 This is what we get for pulling out of the salt treaty. 1.4595 0.05539 148 95 38 15
869 We never should have let that escargot. 1.4595 0.05539 148 95 38 15
870 You're right. He looks much bigger through this end of the binocs. 1.4593 0.05832 135 87 34 14
871 It’s a catastrophe, but a slow moving one. 1.4590 0.05600 122 76 37 9
872 This is a heck of a time for the entire town to have gone low sodium. 1.4590 0.06175 122 79 30 13
873 Relax, it's just the Postal Service's new vehicle. 1.4589 0.05761 146 96 33 17
874 I'd recommend garlic and parsley butter sauce, myself. 1.4589 0.05842 146 97 31 18
875 Your text about the giant gastropub downtown was an autocorrect, I assume? 1.4587 0.06586 109 71 26 12
876 I'll grab the salt. 1.4583 0.05564 144 92 38 14
877 The French embassy suggests an oil tanker of butter sauce infused with garlic and a tasty chardonnay. 1.4581 0.05586 155 102 35 18
878 Fortunately, we have plenty of time to consult Congress. 1.4580 0.05553 131 86 33 12
879 Did we not see this coming? 1.4576 0.05727 118 72 38 8
880 You should see the size of the French guy chasing him! 1.4576 0.06328 118 77 28 13
881 You're right Doc; this is gonna be a real slugfest. 1.4576 0.06213 118 76 30 12
882 I told you months ago that he was coming down from Canada, but did you prepare? 1.4576 0.06213 118 76 30 12
883 Let's see if we can get him to crawl on to a stick. 1.4571 0.06634 105 68 26 11
884 We've notified NIH, the FBI, and Bistro Marseille. 1.4569 0.06170 116 74 31 11
885 How long do you think before it gets to the Upper West Side? 1.4567 0.06200 127 84 28 15
886 It may be highly destructive, but it should be easy to get ahead of. 1.4560 0.05848 125 79 35 11
887 We have only months to spare before we're overrun. 1.4560 0.05737 125 78 37 10
888 The bad news is, it’s leveling everything in its path. The good news is, it’ll be a week before it reaches us. 1.4560 0.05507 125 83 31 11
889 There isn’t enough garlic butter in the city for this guy, Ralph. 1.4560 0.06170 125 82 29 14
890 This is what happens when you drain the swamp. 1.4556 0.07439 90 60 19 11
891 Another Variant? 1.4554 0.06068 112 70 33 9
892 And he really hasn't come out of his shell yet! 1.4553 0.06027 123 79 32 12
893 I have done the calculations sir, and we only have 9 months to evacuate the city. 1.4553 0.05915 123 78 34 11
894 Well, we have a few hours. Want to grab lunch? 1.4553 0.06027 123 79 32 12
895 Well, we do have plenty of time to deal with this one. 1.4545 0.05728 132 84 36 12
896 No, sir. A little further left. 1.4545 0.06210 121 79 29 13
897 It's going to be horrible, but not for a few weeks 1.4545 0.06622 99 63 27 9
898 Either these are really good binoculars, or we have a serious problem on our hands. 1.4545 0.05629 121 74 39 8
899 Think it’s headed for The Garden? 1.4545 0.05629 121 74 39 8
900 He’s lost patience with USPS. 1.4545 0.06145 110 69 32 9
901 Nothing to worry about officer, this was the expected evolutionary fallout of ‘draining the swamp’ 1.4545 0.05984 121 77 33 11
902 Don’t worry... we have at least a week before it gets here. 1.4539 0.05430 152 98 39 15
903 It appears angry and quite sluggish. 1.4539 0.05465 141 89 40 12
904 You’re gonna’ need a bigger plate. 1.4538 0.05937 119 75 34 10
905 We warned you that giant vegetable contest was a bad idea. 1.4538 0.05566 119 74 37 8
906 It's a giant snail alright. 1.4537 0.06362 108 69 29 10
907 You know eventually it's just going to disappear. 1.4532 0.05706 139 90 35 14
908 Oh, yeah? Well, what about your response time? He escaped from the lab in July! 1.4532 0.05520 139 88 39 12
909 If the forecasts had predicted this we would have salted the roads. 1.4531 0.05959 128 83 32 13
910 Iodized, kosher, or rock? 1.4530 0.06365 117 77 27 13
911 We are going to need a lot of garlic and butter. 1.4527 0.05367 148 94 41 13
912 The mail must go through. 1.4526 0.05577 137 87 38 12
913 All we need now is 7 tons of butter and 3 tons of garlic 1.4524 0.06027 126 82 31 13
914 Godzilla or King Kong? No! We need the Morton Salt Girl! 1.4522 0.05603 157 105 33 19
915 This will be the slowest apocalypse ever 1.4522 0.06082 115 73 32 10
916 We should consider evacuating by Thursday. 1.4519 0.06391 104 66 29 9
917 Sufficiently snail mail for you, Mr DeJoy? 1.4519 0.06677 104 68 25 11
918 It will take an awful lot of garlic. 1.4519 0.05536 135 85 39 11
919 The Post Office got new delivery trucks 1.4519 0.05635 135 86 37 12
920 USPS Postmaster General just rolled into town 1.4519 0.05828 135 88 33 14
921 Trust me when I tell you, sir, no one saw this coming. 1.4516 0.05194 155 98 44 13
922 We have mere months to evacuate. 1.4514 0.05199 144 89 45 10
923 Every French restaurant in the country is going to want a piece of this! 1.4513 0.05895 113 70 35 8
924 I blame the French! 1.4513 0.06409 113 74 27 12
925 It's bringing vaccine doses 1.4511 0.05987 133 88 30 15
926 The garlic butter cannon is almost ready, sir! 1.4511 0.05594 133 84 38 11
927 After banning foie gras, France is getting revenge by force feeding escargot. 1.4510 0.06328 102 64 30 8
928 Good news, it’s heading for the salt factory 1.4508 0.05595 122 75 39 8
929 It's about time the Postal Department beefed up the Snail Mail! 1.4508 0.06386 122 82 25 15
930 Don't worry! Give him a mile and he'll take an inch. 1.4508 0.06386 122 82 25 15
931 We're gonna need a bigger butter boat. 1.4505 0.06103 111 70 32 9
932 I hear the sound from windmills in Texas caused this. 1.4505 0.06493 111 73 26 12
933 It turns out sugar has the opposite effect. 1.4504 0.05548 131 82 39 10
934 You know, you look like an idiot with those. 1.4500 0.06357 120 80 26 14
935 Emily Post recommends a cocktail fork. 1.4500 0.05404 120 72 42 6
936 I told you it would eventually catch up to us. 1.4500 0.05899 120 76 34 10
937 We’ve got to do something quick! He’ll be across the street by next Tuesday. 1.4500 0.05532 120 73 40 7
938 It’s 2021, nothing to see here. 1.4494 0.06394 89 54 30 5
939 I think it’s just an unusually large volume of mail today. 1.4492 0.05969 118 83 22 13
940 If it keeps up this pace, we could save most of the city. 1.4488 0.05557 127 79 39 9
941 I knew he'd come out of his shell one day, but this is a bit much. 1.4488 0.05778 127 81 35 11
942 We're not certain why he's wearing the Guggenheim. 1.4488 0.06195 127 85 27 15
943 Slow news day. 1.4486 0.05973 107 66 34 7
944 Don't shoot! It's finally delivering last year's Christmas cards! 1.4483 0.06041 116 77 28 11
945 Sir, I know this disaster is slow moving but I don’t think we should underestimate it’s scale 1.4483 0.06403 116 77 26 13
946 Other than a two acre sauce pan, I don't have a ton of ideas. 1.4480 0.05843 125 80 34 11
947 These new variants can be tricky to contain. 1.4479 0.06765 96 62 25 9
948 It's not your garden variety snail. 1.4478 0.05662 134 86 36 12
949 Would dropping a ton of sodium chloride on him be a violation of the SALT treaty? 1.4476 0.06199 105 66 31 8
950 I’m suddenly remembering that TED Talk Bill Gates gave a while back, saying that it’s not a matter of if, but when. 1.4474 0.06242 114 74 29 11
951 Sir, I think it's moving 1.4472 0.05910 123 79 33 11
952 It says, "U. S. Postal Service Avenger". 1.4468 0.05643 141 92 35 14
953 Sir... We think they come in peace, but it will be 7-10 business days till we know... 1.4468 0.05732 141 93 33 15
954 Ah - so that has to be where all the mail is. 1.4466 0.05809 103 74 19 10
955 How near sighted are you? 1.4464 0.06321 112 73 28 11
956 Great,even he's not wearing a mask. 1.4462 0.05988 130 86 30 14
957 At this rate we only have two months evacuate. 1.4460 0.05123 139 85 46 8
958 Don't worry - France is sending a garlic butter nuke. 1.4455 0.06272 110 71 29 10
959 Don’t you think he looks like a scotch tape thingy? 1.4454 0.05686 119 74 37 8
960 Like I've been saying -- it's getting harder and harder to snail a cab. 1.4454 0.06166 119 78 29 12
961 Alert the U.N., it should be there in about a month. 1.4454 0.05686 119 83 24 12
962 I see the mail is finally on its way. 1.4453 0.05849 128 83 33 12
963 All these years we've been telling you it's coming ... and you STILL don't believe it? 1.4452 0.05586 146 96 35 15
964 By my calculations, he'll reach precinct headquarters in 2 years, and by then, I'll be retired. 1.4444 0.05878 117 74 34 9
965 We've had calls from several French restaurants. They'll have this taken care of in no time. 1.4444 0.06002 117 75 32 10
966 But kinda late for the Macy’s parade. 1.4444 0.06076 108 68 32 8
967 So, that didn't work so well. But, if we now genetically engineer a giant snail predator... 1.4444 0.06076 108 68 32 8
968 Objects in your binoculars may be closer than they appear, but we still have hours before we have to evacuate. 1.4444 0.04854 126 86 31 9
969 We could blame China, Sir. 1.4444 0.06725 90 57 26 7
970 The worst thing is the silvery trail of destruction. 1.4444 0.05807 126 81 34 11
971 Ok, so there are some side effects to the vaccine. 1.4444 0.06614 99 64 26 9
972 Is your eyesight that bad? 1.4444 0.06536 90 56 28 6
973 Sir, shall we prepare the broth trap? 1.4444 0.05727 135 88 34 13
974 I suggest everyone just turn around and slowly walk the other way. 1.4444 0.06123 117 76 30 11
975 If we can't contain him, I estimate that we have atleast a month until the entire city is destroyed. 1.4444 0.05751 117 73 36 8
976 This is a slow and steady process. 1.4444 0.06217 108 71 27 10
977 You can tell by his walking pace he is not from New York 1.4444 0.06295 99 62 30 7
978 How about ‘Escarzilla?’ 1.4435 0.05760 124 79 35 10
979 YOU tell him he’s not in Vaccine group 1-S. 1.4435 0.06673 115 79 21 15
980 Have you ever seen such catastrophic damage happen so slowly? 1.4435 0.06075 115 74 31 10
981 Fortunately, it won't get to City Hall for at least two weeks. 1.4434 0.06007 106 66 33 7
982 My advice was to flatten the curve, not the curb! 1.4434 0.06713 106 71 23 12
983 We're gonna need more melted butter! 1.4434 0.06299 106 68 29 9
984 Look - it took him 2 WEEKS to get from the Hudson to 10th Ave. - I THINK we have some time to go get some butter and garlic! 1.4434 0.06713 106 71 23 12
985 Looks like we're going to get slimed. 1.4429 0.05390 140 89 40 11
986 Where are the salt trucks when you need them most? 1.4427 0.05648 131 84 36 11
987 ‘The French reinforcements will arrive in 4 hours, which is probably fast enough to be honest’ 1.4427 0.05751 131 85 34 12
988 Sir, we must evacuate the city. Eventually. 1.4426 0.05588 122 76 38 8
989 At this rate, there’ll be nothing left in 500 years. 1.4426 0.05708 122 77 36 9
990 Unfortunately, the salt has all been sent to Texas, sir... 1.4425 0.05888 113 71 34 8
991 Do you have a salt cannon? 1.4423 0.05083 156 108 34 14
992 The best scientific estimate is 12 hours until impact. 1.4420 0.05541 138 89 37 12
993 I'd suggest we get going. He will be here next Thursday. 1.4420 0.05346 138 87 41 10
994 I think it's time to ask our french allies for their support. 1.4419 0.06534 86 53 28 5
995 There's a part of me that says run, but realistically, I may just stroll away. 1.4419 0.05381 129 80 41 8
996 Word has it that he's planning a 2024 run has an Independent. 1.4419 0.06534 86 53 28 5
997 it'll be gone by April 1.4419 0.05814 129 84 33 12
998 This just in! Social media reports that the Escargantuan escaped from a secret French Lab. 1.4417 0.06126 120 79 29 12
999 Well, that explains the sluggish traffic. 1.4414 0.06229 111 72 29 10
1000 Sir, we had better get moving or we'll be dead in a week! 1.4414 0.06359 111 73 27 11
1001 On a positive note, the slime trail melted the snow. 1.4414 0.06229 111 72 29 10
1002 I’m afraid we can’t do anything. Technically, it’s working from home. 1.4414 0.06611 111 75 23 13
1003 The French chefs are on their way. 1.4412 0.06620 102 67 25 10
1004 Giuliani promised that the lost election ballots would arrive by snail mail... 1.4412 0.06320 102 65 29 8
1005 Give it another week, and you won't need the binoculars. 1.4412 0.06907 102 69 21 12
1006 We need to find cover in the next hour or two. 1.4410 0.05562 161 110 31 20
1007 Six weeks of destruction all the way from Times Square to the Empire State Building. 1.4409 0.05772 127 82 34 11
1008 Every disaster movie starts with scientists being ignored 1.4409 0.05879 127 83 32 12
1009 Lightly grilled and served with Black Forest truffles perhaps?" 1.4409 0.05662 127 81 36 10
1010 We saw it coming from a mile away. 1.4407 0.05963 118 76 32 10
1011 Our research shows they're afraid of garlic, butter and the French carrying tiny forks. 1.4406 0.05310 143 91 41 11
1012 What’s it doing here? It should be attacking France. 1.4404 0.06309 109 71 28 10
1013 On the one hand, this represents an incredible breakthrough... 1.4404 0.06573 109 73 24 12
1014 Warn the French restaurants! 1.4400 0.05474 150 99 36 15
1015 At first they fled in terror, now they just stroll. 1.4397 0.05455 141 91 38 12
1016 At this rate he'll reach us next Tuesday. 1.4397 0.05455 141 91 38 12
1017 We believe the odds of this side effect occurring in the population of those vaccinated to one in a million. 1.4397 0.05781 116 73 35 8
1018 I thought beer was supposed to SOLVE the problem. 1.4397 0.06157 116 76 29 11
1019 He really is that big; put down the binoculars. 1.4394 0.05511 132 84 38 10
1020 Don't worry - it will take him two weeks to get to City Hall. 1.4393 0.05965 107 67 33 7
1021 Relax. Intelligence says it won't hit us for another year. 1.4388 0.05440 98 65 28 5
1022 Unfortunately, it's also surprisingly fast. 1.4386 0.06234 114 75 28 11
1023 „It seems to be heading toward Trump Tower!“ 1.4386 0.06109 114 74 30 10
1024 Sir, we finally managed to get through to Morton's 1.4386 0.06358 114 76 26 12
1025 Let's hope it's vegan. 1.4381 0.05887 105 73 23 9
1026 I suppose you’d better order the emergency evacuation whenever you get around to it. 1.4381 0.06619 105 70 24 11
1027 Well we have lots of time to come up with a solution. 1.4380 0.05737 121 77 35 9
1028 The good news is we have a few weeks to prepare. 1.4380 0.05848 137 92 30 15
1029 Your sixth grade biology project notwithstanding, I’m telling you that’s not a common garden snail! 1.4375 0.05920 112 71 33 8
1030 If only the FBI had given us more advance warning. 1.4375 0.06054 112 72 31 9
1031 You have to do something! He'll be on us in 42 days. 1.4375 0.06185 112 73 29 10
1032 Yup, this is a rare one. Its shell spirals to the left. 1.4375 0.05641 112 69 37 6
1033 I'm Dr. Knowlittle. You're looking for Dr. Doolittle. 1.4375 0.05947 128 85 30 13
1034 Is this the new USPS delivery truck design? 1.4375 0.06185 112 73 29 10
1035 General, we only have two and a half years before the Snail reaches Times Square 1.4375 0.06050 128 86 28 14
1036 Maybe the French would help 1.4370 0.05817 135 90 31 14
1037 Don't worry, by my calculations, it'll take a few hours to get to midtown. 1.4369 0.05800 103 63 35 5
1038 At the pace it's going, you're more likely to die of old age. 1.4369 0.06423 103 67 27 9
1039 Quick,the butter and gatlic 1.4369 0.06119 103 65 31 7
1040 This is taking forever 1.4361 0.05783 133 88 32 13
1041 Why do you need binoculars to look at a 15 story tall snail? 1.4357 0.05754 140 94 31 15
1042 Imagine if we had tested the alligator first. 1.4356 0.06358 101 65 28 8
1043 I think the Macy's day parade is getting weird. 1.4356 0.06201 101 64 30 7
1044 30 years should have been ample warning. 1.4355 0.06297 124 85 24 15
1045 In the lab, her name is EscarYouGoGirl 1.4355 0.06086 124 83 28 13
1046 Nevertheless, this does still seem like an emergency! 1.4355 0.05866 124 81 32 11
1047 It’s a sad story. He used to be the undisputed King of Slime at Mar-a-Lago, but was recently dethroned. 1.4355 0.06192 124 84 26 14
1048 It emerged from underneath the Central Park Ice Skating Rink after NYC ended their contract with the Trump Organization. 1.4353 0.07751 85 59 15 11
1049 It all happened so fast! 1.4351 0.06043 131 89 27 15
1050 Sir, it's time to call in the salt trucks. 1.4351 0.05536 131 84 37 10
1051 I'd say run, but I think we have a little time 1.4348 0.05438 138 89 38 11
1052 Look like the USPS is really crushing it with its new Snail Mail tagline. 1.4348 0.05629 138 91 34 13
1053 I have a feeling this will not be over quickly... 1.4348 0.06791 92 60 24 8
1054 As you can see, we're having a big problem with snail mail right now 1.4344 0.05818 122 79 33 10
1055 It’s a slimier situation than our last presidential election 1.4343 0.06605 99 65 25 9
1056 By our calculations, given the snail’s pace and the rising sea levels, it should all work itself out. 1.4343 0.06605 99 65 25 9
1057 This is slowly becoming a much bigger problem than we thought 1.4343 0.06605 99 65 25 9
1058 It will take a few minutes to reposition the Jewish space laser from California, General. 1.4341 0.06211 129 91 21 17
1059 I see the assistant with our vaccine roll out is finally approaching 1.4336 0.06395 113 76 25 12
1060 WHO is gonna tell it to wear a mask? Are YOU? 1.4336 0.05604 113 70 37 6
1061 Look at that giant S-car go! 1.4336 0.06270 113 75 27 11
1062 Well, we're pretty sure it's from France. 1.4333 0.06003 120 79 30 11
1063 Yep, it's coming our way; but, don't worry, we've got plenty of time. 1.4333 0.06003 120 79 30 11
1064 Wow looks like the French did it again.. I prefer the giant woman with the torch 1.4333 0.07420 90 62 17 11
1065 Is that snail male? 1.4327 0.06075 104 66 31 7
1066 We only have a decade to evacuate. 1.4324 0.06220 111 73 28 10
1067 He's demanding a list of French restaurants. 1.4324 0.06220 111 73 28 10
1068 What the hell, how am I gonna get out of the parking garage? 1.4324 0.05951 111 71 32 8
1069 I thought they said HAIL storm. 1.4324 0.05812 111 70 34 7
1070 Let our children deal with it. By the time it crosses the street to get to us... we'll be long, long gone. 1.4318 0.05290 132 83 41 8
1071 We haven’t seen a trail of slime like this since.......well, since a few months ago 1.4314 0.06756 102 69 22 11
1072 I told you that traffic has slowed down to a snail's pace. 1.4314 0.06462 102 67 26 9
1073 Her children were stolen from the laboratory and now she's hunting down French restaurants. 1.4310 0.05772 116 80 28 8
1074 Well, look at the bright side. At least the National Guard doesn’t need to hurry. 1.4310 0.06389 116 79 24 13
1075 I blame Governor Cuomo. 1.4309 0.06118 123 83 27 13
1076 So, do you still want to get lunch? 1.4309 0.05782 123 80 33 10
1077 Looks like we've got ourselves a sticky situation. 1.4309 0.05665 123 79 35 9
1078 Tell everyone they've got two weeks to evacuate. And bring salt. 1.4306 0.05182 144 92 42 10
1079 At least he doesn’t seem to be in a hurry. 1.4305 0.05105 151 97 43 11
1080 These new binoculars are phenomenal. 1.4304 0.06664 79 49 26 4
1081 Well which is it? Do you want a vaccine that works or one that keeps people human 1.4301 0.06905 93 62 22 9
1082 My wife said that malacology would be a boring specialty, but now who's laughing? 1.4300 0.06237 100 64 29 7
1083 Call the salt trucks. 1.4299 0.05805 107 67 34 6
1084 At this pace, he will be at Midtown by Christmas 1.4299 0.06101 107 69 30 8
1085 And to think they never saw it coming. 1.4299 0.06244 107 70 28 9
1086 We have to act quickly, well, kinda quickly. 1.4298 0.05226 121 74 42 5
1087 It's projected to reach us in about three days. 1.4297 0.05621 128 83 35 10
1088 This is the last straw, no more animal testing. 1.4297 0.05730 128 84 33 11
1089 It's a monument to the pace of the city's vaccination effort. 1.4286 0.05657 140 94 32 14
1090 General,that is the United States Postal Service. Are you seriously worried that there are Athenians inside? 1.4286 0.06470 105 70 25 10
1091 We haven't seen anything this slow and emotionally devastating since Adele's last tour. 1.4286 0.06181 105 68 29 8
1092 You still can’t see the snail? As your optometrist, I’m deeply concerned. 1.4286 0.05970 133 91 27 15
1093 Whoa, Slow down there, Big Fella... 1.4286 0.06181 105 68 29 8
1094 As slow-moving disasters go, it’s still my opinion that climate change poses the greater immediate threat. 1.4275 0.05634 131 86 34 11
1095 General, that's insane! Where would we get that much garlic butter? 1.4274 0.05986 117 77 30 10
1096 You see sir, this is why we needed more testing on the vaccine 1.4274 0.05862 117 76 32 9
1097 It's coming...this way––WAALK. 1.4273 0.05842 110 70 33 7
1098 If you don't act now, it could destroy this whole block by next month. 1.4273 0.06387 110 74 25 11
1099 I’m not sure, Johnson. It could just be a liberal hoax. 1.4272 0.06559 103 69 24 10
1100 It was pretty easy sir, we just followed his trail. 1.4272 0.06109 103 66 30 7
1101 It'll be gone by Easter, just wait and you'll see 1.4272 0.06413 103 68 26 9
1102 Just our luck to live in a state that doesn't salt the roads. 1.4271 0.06906 96 65 21 10
1103 I don't know Jack, it looks pretty big to me. 1.4271 0.05876 96 59 33 4
1104 You've got snail. 1.4271 0.06580 96 63 25 8
1105 Technically, it’s a lot faster than paint drying. 1.4270 0.06759 89 58 24 7
1106 I suggest a cargo plane filled with a lot of salt. 1.4267 0.05125 150 97 42 11
1107 Well‽ Do you agree that he is looking a little sluggish? 1.4265 0.05486 136 89 36 11
1108 We asked the AI to model the government's response to the pandemic... 1.4262 0.06039 122 82 28 12
1109 Will the National Guard get here before it does? 1.4261 0.06183 115 77 27 11
1110 We’re gonna need a bigger butter dish. 1.4259 0.06605 108 74 22 12
1111 In my office, all he said was that he was feeling a bit sluggish... 1.4259 0.06199 108 71 28 9
1112 Do we really need to “act quickly”? 1.4259 0.06058 108 70 30 8
1113 The good news is that it's moving at a snail's pace. 1.4257 0.06347 101 66 27 8
1114 At this rate, I think mid-town is safe until November. 1.4257 0.05861 101 66 29 6
1115 I believe we have mere years left, sir. 1.4255 0.05442 141 93 36 12
1116 He escaped our lab saying he was fed up with jokes about "the pace", "the mail" , and "the escargot". 1.4255 0.06677 94 62 24 8
1117 They’re bringing in several tankers of garlic butter. 1.4254 0.05643 134 89 33 12
1118 Chef Andre wanted to know what your plans were after you kill it? 1.4253 0.07244 87 59 19 9
1119 It looks like Slyme Disease, Doc 1.4250 0.06838 80 51 24 5
1120 Sir, only one demand. They want us to stop calling it “snail mail.” 1.4250 0.06445 120 84 21 15
1121 This could be a recipe for disaster...I suggest we contact the French Embassy." 1.4248 0.06133 113 75 28 10
1122 By my calculations the only thing that will stop him is 1400 tons of egg shells and 2000 tons of coffee grounds. 1.4245 0.06280 106 70 27 9
1123 Get me the auxilliary police and every salt shaker you can get your hand on! 1.4245 0.06422 106 71 25 10
1124 Quick! We only have four hours before he reaches us! 1.4245 0.06422 106 71 25 10
1125 Just don't say g-a-r-l-i-c anywhere near hm. 1.4242 0.05902 132 90 28 14
1126 Apparently he's the postmaster general's new steed. 1.4242 0.07047 99 69 18 12
1127 Salt, and plenty of it. 1.4242 0.06594 99 66 24 9
1128 Start packing. He'll be here in two weeks. 1.4242 0.06436 99 65 26 8
1129 At this rate, climate change should get him before he does any more damage. 1.4242 0.06273 99 64 28 7
1130 You’re right, you can see the Chrysler Building from here 1.4242 0.06748 99 67 22 10
1131 Doctor Dolittle, your Uber is here. 1.4240 0.05931 125 84 29 12
1132 Snailed it! 1.4239 0.07122 92 63 19 10
1133 Sometime in the next week you're going to need a plan. 1.4239 0.06952 92 62 21 9
1134 It's less scary if you turn the binoculars around. 1.4237 0.05946 118 78 30 10
1135 I know it's moving slowly, but it could become a problem. 1.4237 0.05823 118 77 32 9
1136 Should we declare a state of emergency?" "No hurry 1.4237 0.05697 118 76 34 8
1137 It would appear Mr. DeJoy has some explaining to do with this new method of delivering mail.” 1.4235 0.06977 85 56 22 7
1138 It appears to be a new variant. 1.4234 0.06078 111 73 29 9
1139 Well, as a first step, I think we might ditch the binoculars. 1.4231 0.05222 130 82 41 7
1140 We must act fast Captain, secure the garlic and butter sauce. 1.4231 0.05747 104 67 31 6
1141 See? I told you the Hudson needed dredging. 1.4231 0.06509 104 70 24 10
1142 I’m just saying, it’s been three years of this, let’s just ask why he’s upset 1.4231 0.06064 104 67 30 7
1143 You’re right. It’s the Trojan Snail. 1.4228 0.06110 123 84 26 13
1144 Pretty sure you don’t need binoculars for this, Joe 1.4228 0.06000 123 83 28 12
1145 I'd say the Chrysler Building faces destruction in about three days. 1.4227 0.06527 97 64 25 8
1146 You’re going to need a boatload of salt. 1.4224 0.06141 116 78 27 11
1147 See, I told you, at this pace we have a lot of time to worry. 1.4224 0.06141 116 78 27 11
1148 It came out of a French bistro 1.4222 0.05708 135 91 31 13
1149 How did you not see it coming? 1.4216 0.06299 102 67 27 8
1150 I think DeJoy is taking "Snail Mail" too literally! 1.4216 0.06600 102 69 23 10
1151 At this rate, we only have years to save the city. 1.4211 0.06789 95 64 22 9
1152 Wow,Doc. That second Pfizer shot really has some nasty side effects. 1.4211 0.06341 114 78 24 12
1153 General, we're ready with the flamethrowers and garlic butter. 1.4207 0.05508 145 98 33 14
1154 Maybe it's time to start rethinking this whole GMO thing. 1.4206 0.05561 126 82 35 9
1155 I've got a visual, sir. 1.4206 0.05944 107 69 31 7
1156 We’re gonna need a lot of butter... 1.4205 0.06201 88 55 29 4
1157 Time to send in the salt trucks. 1.4200 0.05891 100 63 32 5
1158 Don’t worry general. You can walk to safety. Plus we salt the streets each winter. 1.4200 0.06060 100 64 30 6
1159 Sir, we’ll be crushed to death if we don’t move in the next 30 to 45 minutes! 1.4196 0.05762 112 72 33 7
1160 Here’s the mail. 1.4196 0.06422 112 77 23 12
1161 Don’t hurt him, he’s here to save the U.S. Postal Service” 1.4194 0.05737 124 82 32 10
1162 I told you the radioactive garlic was a bad idea. 1.4194 0.05961 124 84 28 12
1163 I can’t see a thing with this giant snail in the way! 1.4194 0.06282 124 87 22 15
1164 Sir, our analysis shows that we can't defeat it but we can outrun it. 1.4194 0.06721 93 62 23 8
1165 Now I see why the traffic is moving at a snail's pace. 1.4190 0.06737 105 73 20 12
1166 Coronavirus has mutated again sir 1.4190 0.06459 105 71 24 10
1167 Hey Doc, that's what I call S-Car-Go 1.4188 0.06336 117 81 23 13
1168 At least it stays home. 1.4186 0.07663 86 61 14 11
1169 Maybe. Maybe not. But teeth aren’t really our problem here, are they? 1.4186 0.06712 86 56 24 6
1170 FEMA has arrived. 1.4184 0.05245 141 97 32 12
1171 Actually it's slower than global warming, but republicans might have an equally hard time believing it. 1.4184 0.06792 98 67 21 10
1172 Oh look! Our Covid Vaccine Roll-Out Mascot is arriving...soon 1.4184 0.06474 98 65 25 8
1173 You have thirty days to save that taxi! 1.4183 0.05456 153 105 32 16
1174 The test results are in; it’s going to be a slow death. 1.4183 0.04693 153 106 36 11
1175 Macy's decided to go organic this year. 1.4182 0.06377 110 75 24 11
1176 I'd advise you to remain calm, we have plenty of time on our hands. 1.4182 0.05686 110 70 34 6
1177 It's just a metaphor 1.4177 0.06886 79 51 23 5
1178 The good news, General, is that we've already received bids from nine French restaurants. 1.4176 0.06066 91 57 30 4
1179 I know its an emergency, but we do have some time... 1.4175 0.06401 103 69 25 9
1180 Who decided the mail service would deliver the vaccine? 1.4175 0.06401 103 69 25 9
1181 Look’s like a good time to invest in butter and lemon futures. 1.4174 0.05921 115 76 30 9
1182 At least we have another month before it gets downtown... 1.4173 0.05749 127 85 31 11
1183 How can you still not see it? 1.4167 0.06398 96 63 26 7
1184 Maybe YOU should tell him we don't take his insurance. 1.4167 0.07026 84 56 21 7
1185 Are these supposed to make it look bigger or smaller? 1.4167 0.06819 84 55 23 6
1186 At least we have plenty of time to come up with a plan! 1.4167 0.06188 108 72 27 9
1187 It should be easy to track his movements. 1.4167 0.06732 96 65 22 9
1188 Relax. It's delivering mail. 1.4167 0.06326 108 73 25 10
1189 Does Godzilla like escargot? 1.4167 0.06893 96 66 20 10
1190 The time-lapse version is more dramatic. 1.4167 0.06567 96 64 24 8
1191 ‘Good to see I am not the only one feeling sluggish today’. 1.4167 0.05498 120 77 36 7
1192 The Hudson River cleanup seems to be working. 1.4159 0.05859 113 74 31 8
1193 Yes,General. The garlic butter is standing by. 1.4159 0.06123 113 76 27 10
1194 I never knew they could back up. 1.4158 0.06335 101 67 26 8
1195 I love how they think crawling down the middle of the road somehow exempts them from wearing a mask. 1.4158 0.06489 101 68 24 9
1196 It appears to be headed for the Guggenheim. 1.4157 0.07290 89 62 17 10
1197 A space snail. Not a snail’s pace. 1.4157 0.07112 89 61 19 9
1198 Yup, I see it’s head . That’ll mean 6 more weeks of Covid restrictions. 1.4157 0.06354 89 57 27 5
1199 Yep, that's my bus right behind it! 1.4157 0.06552 89 58 25 6
1200 At least 2020 is over 1.4157 0.06354 89 57 27 5
1201 Kind of makes me nostalgic for that giant ape. 1.4153 0.06057 118 80 27 11
1202 No wonder the roads are slippery 1.4153 0.05936 118 79 29 10
1203 We have some time to think about this. Let's do lunch. 1.4153 0.05813 118 78 31 9
1204 Option 1 is salt. Option 2 is butter and garlic 1.4151 0.05975 106 69 30 7
1205 In this disaster of epic proportions, time is not of the essence. 1.4151 0.06549 106 73 22 11
1206 He's delivering mail 1.4149 0.06833 94 64 21 9
1207 We really can't say for sure if the mutation is dangerous. 1.4149 0.06833 94 64 21 9
1208 You know we live in bleak times when even the monsters suck. 1.4149 0.06999 94 65 19 10
1209 It's time to call in the French chefs. 1.4149 0.06664 94 63 23 8
1210 Just how bad are your eyes anyway? 1.4146 0.05878 123 83 29 11
1211 Damn! If this was 5th Ave, trump could just shoot it! 1.4146 0.05764 123 82 31 10
1212 Is that a Snailien!? 1.4146 0.05406 123 84 31 8
1213 Look on the bright side: it spreads slowly and it's easy to trace. 1.4146 0.07352 82 56 18 8
1214 Studies indicate that there is no rush 1.4143 0.05734 140 97 28 15
1215 But I think you need to take a step back and look at the bigger picture. 1.4141 0.06423 99 66 25 8
1216 Dr. Fauci says to try garlic and butter. 1.4141 0.05380 128 83 37 8
1217 One word, doctor. Garlic. 1.4138 0.05881 116 77 30 9
1218 I’m afraid for my life, eventually. 1.4138 0.07042 87 59 20 8
1219 The street sweepers are already striking about the slime trail. 1.4138 0.06252 116 80 24 12
1220 At least we have time to plan. 1.4138 0.05485 116 74 36 6
1221 Snail Mail finally updated their delivery service. 1.4138 0.05752 116 76 32 8
1222 I recommend all the butter and garlic you can get. 1.4138 0.06850 87 58 22 7
1223 I wouldn’t worry. It’s just snailing through. 1.4130 0.06401 92 60 26 6
1224 Technically he hasn't left home. 1.4130 0.06585 92 61 24 7
1225 I thought Trump was the only slimeball in town. 1.4128 0.06280 109 74 25 10
1226 When you look closely you can see that smug look on his face. 1.4128 0.05860 109 71 31 7
1227 We just didn't see it coming. 1.4128 0.06003 109 72 29 8
1228 Wait, wait. Still not sure I see it coming. 1.4124 0.06513 97 65 24 8
1229 Must be Trump supporter. Look at the trail of slime. 1.4124 0.06346 97 64 26 7
1230 Dear God, at this rate, it’ll be midtown by April! 1.4124 0.06175 97 66 24 7
1231 Now you see why we say traffic moves at a snail's pace. 1.4123 0.06330 114 79 23 12
1232 We got some time. Want to grab lunch? 1.4118 0.06588 102 70 22 10
1233 The good news is, we've been working for decades on a secret space saltshaker. 1.4118 0.05897 119 80 29 10
1234 We're gonna need a bigger skillet. 1.4118 0.06130 102 67 28 7
1235 It's finally arriving for Occupy Wall Street. 1.4118 0.05634 102 64 34 4
1236 Can’t tell yet…this thing is in my way. 1.4113 0.05840 124 84 29 11
1237 Slower than Godzilla, but no less annoying. 1.4112 0.06222 107 72 26 9
1238 I feel like the snail vs slug debate can wait until we get to safety. 1.4112 0.06078 107 71 28 8
1239 Sir, we only have eighteen hours until it breaches our building. 1.4112 0.06222 107 72 26 9
1240 I guess I’d feel a little better about this if he were wearing a mask. 1.4111 0.06684 90 60 23 7
1241 It's a new species we call escargrow. 1.4110 0.07513 73 49 18 6
1242 'At the pace he was moving, you'd think we would've been better prepared' 1.4107 0.05888 112 77 27 8
1243 It appears to be a slow moving recovery 1.4105 0.06608 95 64 23 8
1244 It looks less threatening if you turn the binoculars around. 1.4103 0.05714 117 77 32 8
1245 Don't you think the Macy's parade people are overdoing it a bit? 1.4103 0.07169 78 52 20 6
1246 Where? 1.4103 0.07620 78 54 16 8
1247 I'll order the butter. 1.4100 0.06211 100 66 27 7
1248 Do you know how much garlic, herbs, and butter this will take? 1.4100 0.06211 100 66 27 7
1249 I blame this one on the French. 1.4098 0.06021 122 84 26 12
1250 We'll need more salt! 1.4098 0.05552 122 80 34 8
1251 It just keeps yelling “Send out Louis DeJoy.” 1.4096 0.07479 83 58 16 9
1252 Looks like a slow news day 1.4095 0.06304 105 71 25 9
1253 Doctor, warn the Mayor that she has about a week to evacuate. 1.4095 0.06157 105 70 27 8
1254 2021 should be interesting! 1.4095 0.06006 105 69 29 7
1255 Escar-- NOOOOO!!!! 1.4091 0.06788 88 59 22 7
1256 Really, binoculars? I told you this was coming a year ago. 1.4091 0.06183 88 56 28 4
1257 Yes, but it’s faster than weekend subway service. 1.4091 0.05960 110 73 29 8
1258 Damn, 2021. 1.4091 0.06788 88 59 22 7
1259 I thought the forecast said hail 1.4091 0.06496 110 77 21 12
1260 He says he's come to protest our naming the slow mail after him. 1.4087 0.06406 115 81 21 13
1261 It took him long enough. 1.4087 0.05780 115 79 27 9
1262 If we don’t stop it now, the city will be completely destroyed in about 17 years! 1.4087 0.05780 115 76 31 8
1263 Is that what they meant by draining the swamp? 1.4087 0.05646 115 75 33 7
1264 That'll take some time... 1.4086 0.06706 93 63 22 8
1265 It will be fine if it stays in the slow lane. 1.4082 0.05772 98 62 32 4
1266 We think it's headed for the Guggenheim. 1.4082 0.06460 98 69 21 8
1267 Don’t worry. We salted the roads last week. 1.4078 0.05924 103 67 30 6
1268 No worries, it’s just the coronavirus vaccine delivery. 1.4078 0.06680 103 72 20 11
1269 Time is on our side.... 1.4078 0.06083 103 68 28 7
1270 You're gonna need a bigger salt shaker. 1.4074 0.05587 108 69 34 5
1271 And just when we put the damn salt trucks up for the summer. 1.4074 0.06176 108 73 26 9
1272 What a slime ball! 1.4074 0.05889 108 74 26 8
1273 It shouldn't be hard to follow his trail. 1.4074 0.07613 81 57 15 9
1274 It's almost like it knows we used up all the salt on last week's ice storm. 1.4074 0.05587 108 69 34 5
1275 We'll never find that much aioli in time. 1.4074 0.06034 108 72 28 8
1276 It’s the genetically engineered solution for the US Postal competition. 1.4074 0.06583 108 76 20 12
1277 It won't be so bad if we can douse it with a bunch of garlic butter. 1.4071 0.05847 113 75 30 8
1278 Sir, the rear is highly fortified, I suggest a frontal a-salt. 1.4071 0.06488 113 80 20 13
1279 It's bringing my tax refund !! 1.4071 0.05711 113 74 32 7
1280 Our intel suggests this is a French variant. 1.4071 0.06488 113 80 20 13
1281 Honestly, we could use a little salt. 1.4071 0.06112 113 77 26 10
1282 Where is Toothpickman when we need him? 1.4070 0.07281 86 60 17 9
1283 Technically sir, he is staying at home. 1.4070 0.07091 86 59 19 8
1284 We would have noticed it sooner had you not disbanded the task force, Sir. 1.4070 0.06895 86 58 21 7
1285 ‘Here comes the 2020 float in the Macy’s Day Parade’ 1.4070 0.07281 86 60 17 9
1286 Has it been four years already? 1.4070 0.06694 86 57 23 6
1287 Is it wrong that this is making me hungry? 1.4066 0.06808 91 62 21 8
1288 It's one of the slower moving variants. 1.4066 0.06626 91 61 23 7
1289 I think you’re holding the binoculars backwards. 1.4065 0.06514 123 90 16 17
1290 Got too big for the lab. 1.4065 0.04136 123 85 34 4
1291 Le Bernardin suggests setting a trap with garlic and butter 1.4065 0.05868 123 87 24 12
1292 Are you sure the city used all of its road salt? 1.4062 0.06383 96 64 25 7
1293 To say 'Construction is going at a snail's pace' is an understatement. 1.4062 0.06879 96 67 19 10
1294 On the bright side, it'll be at least five years before it hits Mid town. 1.4059 0.06163 101 67 27 7
1295 According to my calculations, it's moving at a snail's pace 1.4059 0.06476 101 69 23 9
1296 Walk Marty! Walk for your life! 1.4059 0.06919 101 72 17 12
1297 We didn’t think it would actually work. 1.4059 0.06000 101 66 29 6
1298 i don’t know why you weren’t more prepared, we could see him coming for months now 1.4059 0.05832 101 65 31 5
1299 Unfortunately, our grant money ran out before we could work out a solution. 1.4057 0.05652 106 68 33 5
1300 Sorry Doctor, but my regiment is all out of salt. 1.4057 0.06110 106 71 27 8
1301 It's another epic slugfest 1.4057 0.06256 106 72 25 9
1302 At least we have time before he gets here. 1.4057 0.05652 106 70 30 6
1303 Sir, I promise you, these new street cleaners are better for the environment and will work perfectly once we work out the kinks. 1.4057 0.06110 106 71 27 8
1304 The binoculars are a bit much, sir. 1.4054 0.06188 111 76 25 10
1305 Wow! look at that escargot 1.4052 0.06241 116 81 23 12
1306 Let me know if you see anything unusual. 1.4051 0.06865 79 52 22 5
1307 Don't worry. We've got time. 1.4050 0.05699 121 81 31 9
1308 Don’t worry. It’s just part of the Postmaster General’s new delivery guidelines. 1.4050 0.05818 121 82 29 10
1309 Ok, I'm finally cleared to demolish Trump Tower. 1.4048 0.07209 84 58 18 8
1310 Sir, the blizzard depleted our salt reserves. 1.4048 0.06586 84 55 24 5
1311 I thought that "snails pace" was just an expression. 1.4048 0.07008 84 57 20 7
1312 Once people learn to get out of his way he'll be the ultimate street cleaner" 1.4048 0.06087 126 89 23 14
1313 It's not its pace that worries me. 1.4045 0.05699 89 62 22 5
1314 It sure is making slow work of destroying the city. 1.4045 0.06131 89 57 28 4
1315 Sir, we need to focus our efforts on something else . . . " 1.4043 0.06295 94 62 26 6
1316 0n Tik Tok he goes by S-Cargo” 1.4043 0.06818 94 65 20 9
1317 We have the science to stop these creatures from getting so big but many people still think they are a hoax. 1.4040 0.06874 99 70 18 11
1318 At least 2021 is not 2020. 1.4040 0.06567 99 68 22 9
1319 Traffic uptown is a little sluggish. 1.4038 0.06037 104 69 28 7
1320 Don't worry. It's normal for the virus to mutate. 1.4034 0.05380 119 77 36 6
1321 Forget everything I just said about limiting your salt. 1.4032 0.05830 124 85 28 11
1322 The French team proposed a promising solution that could end world hunger. 1.4031 0.06080 129 92 22 15
1323 Maybe having the Snailmailman deliver on this route wasn’t such a good idea 1.4031 0.05773 129 89 28 12
1324 I propose the Climate Change Approach: ignore it and hope the carnage happens too slowly for anyone to care 1.4031 0.05668 129 88 30 11
1325 All we know for sure right now is that it's not Godzilla 1.4031 0.05668 129 88 30 11
1326 Please hurry, general, it'll be here any month now! 1.4028 0.05336 144 98 34 12
1327 47 percent of the population say they are certain it doesn't exist. 1.4023 0.07025 87 60 19 8
1328 Luckily, we still have a month. 1.4023 0.06633 87 58 23 6
1329 Get France on the Phone! 1.4022 0.06748 92 63 21 8
1330 We're gonna need more garlic. 1.4022 0.06384 92 61 25 6
1331 If you ask me, it’s a slow moving disaster! 1.4022 0.06194 92 60 27 5
1332 After Godzilla and King Kong, I have to say I'm seriously disappointed, sir! 1.4022 0.06748 92 63 21 8
1333 Oh good! The mail arrived! 1.4021 0.06498 97 66 23 8
1334 Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade seems a little different this year.” Olivia Xu - Garden City Park, N 1.4021 0.06331 97 65 25 7
1335 Stop him now, or this city is destroyed in a year. 1.4021 0.05799 97 68 23 6
1336 Quick. Fly in four tons of butter. 1.4020 0.05789 102 66 31 5
1337 He heard the traffic report saying cars were moving at his pace. 1.4019 0.06209 107 73 25 9
1338 Snail mail's causing BIG problems! 1.4019 0.06209 107 73 25 9
1339 Fortunately he won't reach us for a month. 1.4018 0.06011 112 76 27 9
1340 I'm telling you,Chief, a couple of cannonballs filled with bleach will do it. She'll just disintegrate and the streets will be cleaned up like you never saw cleaned up before. 1.4018 0.05146 112 80 25 7
1341 We’re going to need a lot of drawn butter... and garlic! 1.4018 0.05876 112 75 29 8
1342 After Trump, the problems with snail mail got really big 1.4018 0.05450 112 72 35 5
1343 If we don’t stop Snailosaurus then it will destroy the city in, oh, thirty or forty years. 1.4000 0.06195 100 67 26 7
1344 A textbook slow-moving disaster, sir. 1.4000 0.06195 100 67 26 7
1345 Well I guess 2021 said hold my beer when 2020 said it was the worst year EVER. 1.4000 0.06667 90 61 22 7
1346 We're going to need a shitload of salt. 1.4000 0.07334 85 60 16 9
1347 It's bad but we've got time. 1.4000 0.06281 90 59 26 5
1348 Es Car, No? 1.4000 0.06307 85 55 26 4
1349 Nope, that's not the culprit we're looking for. 1.4000 0.07026 80 54 20 6
1350 You tell it Lutece has closed. 1.4000 0.06354 110 77 22 11
1351 You having trouble seeing it? 1.4000 0.06419 95 64 24 7
1352 You know, you don't need the binoculars. That thing is, like, HUGE. 1.4000 0.06274 115 81 22 12
1353 It’s time to shell him, sir 1.4000 0.06592 95 65 22 8
1354 We never could have seen this coming. 1.4000 0.06274 115 81 22 12
1355 Oh finally! The vaccine distribution! 1.4000 0.06513 100 69 22 9
1356 Bob, if there was an issue in the lab, now is the time to tell me 1.4000 0.05898 115 78 28 9
1357 Sir, we've lost six subway lines to slime already, I say we salt this bastard and sell the snail jerky to the French. 1.3983 0.05401 118 77 35 6
1358 We recommend an airdrop of 5000 gallons of hot lemon butter sauce. 1.3982 0.05697 113 75 31 7
1359 After the air strike, might I suggest about four tons of melted butter and eight thousand smashed garlic cloves for cleanup? 1.3981 0.05725 108 71 31 6
1360 Yeah, flamethrowers should do the job. But where are we going to get 100,000 gallons of melted butter? 1.3981 0.05875 108 72 29 7
1361 The building is right behind the giant snail... do you see it now? 1.3981 0.05909 103 68 29 6
1362 I know that you're probably tired of my so-called hysterical warnings like Global Warming or COVID, but I assure you that this is not normal. 1.3981 0.06068 103 69 27 7
1363 It's hitting all the places that serve escargots. 1.3980 0.06444 98 67 23 8
1364 We just ordered 3 trucks of garlic and butter. 1.3980 0.06109 98 65 27 6
1365 Do the binoculars make him look faster? 1.3980 0.06279 98 66 25 7
1366 Madagascar variant-- took its sweet time getting here. 1.3978 0.06142 93 61 27 5
1367 Looks like the vaccine doses are finally here. 1.3978 0.06861 93 65 19 9
1368 You said it would be my turn an hour ago." 1.3978 0.06512 93 63 23 7
1369 It's the post office's new mascot. 1.3978 0.06689 93 64 21 8
1370 At this pace, the entire city will be destroyed in 300 days. 1.3978 0.07030 93 66 17 10
1371 I understand the impulse but we can’t blame everything on Cuomo. 1.3977 0.07325 88 63 15 10
1372 I don't give a damn how rare it is. It's double-parked. 1.3977 0.06573 88 59 23 6
1373 No, a bivalve is a kind of clam. 1.3976 0.07460 83 59 15 9
1374 I knew this would happen when we stopped salting the roads. 1.3976 0.07261 83 58 17 8
1375 It’s Antifa dressed up as a fake giant snail. 1.3974 0.07147 78 53 19 6
1376 I can't believe you didn't see this coming. 1.3973 0.05277 146 100 34 12
1377 It’s gonna make for a lo-o-o-ong movie 1.3973 0.06963 73 48 21 4
1378 I need some very large tongs and a fork 1.3968 0.05643 126 86 30 10
1379 We fed it kale. 1.3967 0.05564 121 81 32 8
1380 Salt seems to work - lots of salt. 1.3964 0.05472 111 72 34 5
1381 Here comes the mail. Damn that DeJoy! 1.3962 0.06242 106 73 24 9
1382 Well, the weatherman did tell us to salt the streets last night. 1.3962 0.06096 106 72 26 8
1383 Yep. It’s definitely moving. 1.3960 0.06461 101 70 22 9
1384 I just set a reminder on my phone to evacuate the Lower East Side in 3 days. 1.3958 0.05826 96 62 30 4
1385 Sir, you are looking though the wrong end of the binoculars. It is a Giant Snail. 1.3956 0.06790 91 63 20 8
1386 Oh no! He seems to be headed for the Botanical Gardens. 1.3956 0.06227 91 60 26 5
1387 On the bright side, we will have a lot of time to evacuate. 1.3953 0.05796 86 54 30 2
1388 Seriously? You don’t see it? 1.3953 0.06876 86 59 20 7
1389 My God, they did it! They engineered the perfect metaphor for global Warming! 1.3953 0.06674 86 58 22 6
1390 If it continues at this rate, all of downtown will cease to exist in 250,000 years. 1.3952 0.05470 124 83 33 8
1391 it will be at least an hour before he gets here. 1.3952 0.05349 124 82 35 7
1392 I think you need glasses. 1.3951 0.06731 81 54 22 5
1393 Escargot or limaçon? 1.3951 0.06731 81 54 22 5
1394 For starters, I'd call off the slugfest. 1.3951 0.07175 81 56 18 7
1395 I didn't think the slow food movement was ever gonna reach this city! 1.3951 0.07387 81 57 16 8
1396 Oh look! The Trump Administration has finally shown up to share their pandemic response plan 🐌 1.3951 0.07175 81 56 18 7
1397 And we thought 2020 was bad! 1.3951 0.06956 81 55 20 6
1398 We're gonna need one of those Jewish lasers to melt enough butter for that thing. 1.3950 0.05873 119 82 27 10
1399 Do you see the ropes for the new parade float? 1.3947 0.07511 76 53 16 7
1400 It appears that he is approaching at a snail's pace. 1.3945 0.05832 109 73 29 7
1401 So...Rudy's back in town... 1.3945 0.06254 109 76 23 10
1402 ... it could be worse 1.3944 0.07086 71 47 20 4
1403 We'd best get out of here! In a day or two, he'll be right where we're standing! 1.3942 0.06324 104 72 23 9
1404 Captain, you need to find the mother of all salt shakers. 1.3942 0.06324 104 72 23 9
1405 You've got lots of explaining to do, DeJoy! 1.3939 0.06392 99 68 23 8
1406 It's going to be a rough strawberry season. 1.3937 0.05262 127 84 36 7
1407 Another day in quarantine waiting for snail mail 1.3936 0.06631 94 65 21 8
1408 No need to fret General - by the time it reaches 14th St, global warming will have submerged most of Manhattan 1.3936 0.06276 94 67 19 8
1409 Snail mail used to be so easy. 1.3934 0.05649 122 83 30 9
1410 We're gonna need a bigger cocktail fork. 1.3933 0.06707 89 61 21 7
1411 We knew this was coming for years. 1.3933 0.06707 89 61 21 7
1412 Whelk, we’re in one shell of a situation. 1.3933 0.06514 89 60 23 6
1413 Sorry, General. I’m an expert on giant slugs, and that’s a giant snail. 1.3929 0.07386 84 60 15 9
1414 No. He doesn't have a mailbag. 1.3929 0.07189 84 59 17 8
1415 If he’s bulimic, we’re toast. 1.3929 0.07189 84 59 17 8
1416 I know it sounds odd, but I keep thinking of the Stones' song, "Time, time, time is on my side..." 1.3922 0.06409 102 71 22 9
1417 Not sure what you mean by "agenda." It's a giant snail. Right in front of you. Destroying the city. 1.3922 0.06256 102 70 24 8
1418 The good news is we have plenty of time. 1.3922 0.06256 102 70 24 8
1419 Good news is that this new variant is much slower and easy to trace. 1.3922 0.06559 102 72 20 10
1420 Perhaps I understimated the side effects of cutting back on road salt. 1.3922 0.05937 102 68 28 6
1421 I swear, modern architecture is getting so weird. 1.3922 0.06098 102 69 26 7
1422 No need for tanks and missiles, general. The mayor has ordered the city salt trucks. 1.3918 0.05963 97 64 28 5
1423 It's your garden variety movie villain. 1.3918 0.05963 97 64 28 5
1424 Looks like snail mail is getting revenge on 5G. 1.3918 0.06645 97 68 20 9
1425 I think we can scare it off with a couple big tubs of garlic butter. 1.3918 0.06645 97 68 20 9
1426 It's the prototype for the United States Postal Service delivery truck. 1.3918 0.06804 97 69 18 10
1427 No sir. It is definitely not a pool toy. 1.3918 0.06804 97 69 18 10
1428 This is what happens when we don't fully fund snailmail. 1.3918 0.06481 97 67 22 8
1429 It’s Louis DeJoy’s motorcade. 1.3918 0.06481 97 67 22 8
1430 We’ll never have enough Bourguignone 1.3918 0.06313 97 66 24 7
1431 Well, we all saw it coming 1.3917 0.06069 120 85 23 12
1432 He's big, but moving at a snail's pace. 1.3913 0.06550 92 63 22 7
1433 It's like watching a disaster in slow motion. 1.3913 0.06174 92 61 26 5
1434 I suggest you shell it. 1.3913 0.06550 92 63 22 7
1435 I think we’ve underestimated the garlic butter. 1.3913 0.06550 92 63 22 7
1436 So far, this is a mostly peaceful snail. 1.3913 0.06365 92 62 24 6
1437 We can only defeat it with garlic butter and parsley. 1.3910 0.05631 133 93 28 12
1438 It's from that new French all-you-can-eat place. 1.3908 0.06811 87 60 20 7
1439 Forget it! You can't slug it out with him! 1.3908 0.06407 87 58 24 5
1440 At least we have time to prepare. At this pace she will reach downtown Manhattan by 2030. 1.3908 0.05975 87 56 28 3
1441 Quick! Reverse the binoculars!! 1.3908 0.07005 87 61 18 8
1442 DeJoy bulk mail delivery. 1.3908 0.06195 87 60 22 5
1443 So, I take this as a NO for the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade? 1.3906 0.05681 128 89 28 11
1444 If my calculations are correct, it will reach our building in 10 years. 1.3905 0.05975 105 71 27 7
1445 Think fast! It'll be on top of us in two weeks! 1.3905 0.06127 105 72 25 8
1446 Garlic and butter or just salt, sir? 1.3905 0.06419 105 74 21 10
1447 We're thinking triple-masking with this one. 1.3902 0.05244 123 81 36 6
1448 You're finally getting your building permit! 1.3902 0.06666 82 58 18 6
1449 they should have seen it coming 1.3902 0.07312 82 58 16 8
1450 Don't worry, sir, Sodium Chloride Man is on his way. 1.3900 0.06178 100 68 25 7
1451 Construction of the giant salt shaker is completed, but the child we enlarged to use it seems now to be the bigger threat. 1.3900 0.06340 100 69 23 8
1452 They say he ate some Viagra! 1.3900 0.06651 100 71 19 10
1453 Does it really matter how many teeth it has? 1.3900 0.06801 100 72 17 11
1454 ESCARGOTZILLA from the creators of Sharknado 1.3898 0.05777 118 81 28 9
1455 We were calling him Snailzilla, but he prefers, George. 1.3896 0.07431 77 54 16 7
1456 He may be slow, but he gets the job done. 1.3895 0.06574 95 66 21 8
1457 Sir, what is your plan? You've literally had years to prepare for this! 1.3895 0.06224 95 64 25 6
1458 For God’s sake man!, we’ve got to walk for our lives! 1.3895 0.06742 95 67 19 9
1459 It took us completely by surprise. 1.3895 0.06742 95 67 19 9
1460 Don't worry. He's not moving any faster than crosstown traffic. 1.3895 0.05853 95 62 29 4
1461 Sure, tanks are one option, but i’m thinking baking him in butter and garlic could also work. 1.3895 0.06224 95 64 25 6
1462 General, it’s time for a full aerial aSalt. 1.3895 0.06224 95 64 25 6
1463 Call Godzilla... No rush. 1.3894 0.05683 113 76 30 7
1464 It just snuck up on us, Sir! 1.3894 0.06085 113 79 24 10
1465 We still have two months until it reaches the corner. 1.3894 0.05954 113 78 26 9
1466 How slowly can you get backup? 1.3889 0.06260 90 60 25 5
1467 Looks about two weeks out. 1.3889 0.05859 108 73 28 7
1468 Hmmm yes - I see what you’re saying, but let’s wait to see if more appear before declaring a state of emergency. 1.3889 0.06832 90 63 19 8
1469 Joe, I think it's time for a new prescription. 1.3889 0.07009 72 48 20 4
1470 Chief, our choice is clear: salt or butter, garlic, and parsley. 1.3889 0.06422 108 77 20 11
1471 Any sign of Chefzilla? 1.3889 0.05398 108 78 23 7
1472 General, I really think you need glasses. 1.3889 0.06647 90 62 21 7
1473 Well, at least Cleveland has months to evacuate. 1.3883 0.06051 103 70 26 7
1474 They said the commute was sluggish today, but this is something else entirely. 1.3883 0.06051 103 70 26 7
1475 It is just the United States Postal Service's parade balloon. 1.3882 0.07313 85 61 15 9
1476 So...where are the road salt trucks when you need them? 1.3882 0.07119 85 60 17 8
1477 I've been warning you about this for months 1.3882 0.06283 85 56 25 4
1478 C'mon, it’s my turn! 1.3882 0.06283 85 56 25 4
1479 So I guess this means Project Giant Escargot is on hold, then? 1.3882 0.06283 85 56 25 4
1480 I think he just wants to talk 1.3882 0.06056 85 55 27 3
1481 I said to pour salt on it, not self raising flour 1.3882 0.06920 85 59 19 7
1482 They usually aim for the Empire State Building, but it might take a while. 1.3879 0.05970 116 81 25 10
1483 We're going to need a lot of melted butter. 1.3879 0.05580 116 78 31 7
1484 It's the new mascot for the Washington football team 1.3875 0.07225 80 56 17 7
1485 We all saw it coming a mile away. 1.3875 0.06535 80 53 23 4
1486 How much are tickets to Cancun right now, Lieutenant? 1.3871 0.06310 93 63 24 6
1487 Yes, looking at it that way, it does appear closer than it is. 1.3871 0.07337 93 69 12 12
1488 Why is it always New York? Why not terrorize Chicago for a change 1.3871 0.06492 93 64 22 7
1489 I think it’s time we call France. 1.3871 0.05336 124 83 34 7
1490 Lure it to the French Quarter. 1.3868 0.05777 106 71 29 6
1491 I've found it's weakness - it's afraid of garlic and butter. 1.3868 0.06080 106 73 25 8
1492 Sure, he's big and scary, but he's so slow we only have to walk for our lives. 1.3868 0.06080 106 73 25 8
1493 At this rate it'll destroy the city by 2050. 1.3868 0.05777 106 71 29 6
1494 It's our newest hybrid - dinosaur and cinnamon roll. 1.3868 0.05777 106 71 29 6
1495 What is it that you need a closer look at? 1.3867 0.07568 75 53 15 7
1496 I believe USPS has created a monster. 1.3864 0.07125 88 63 16 9
1497 We’re gonna need a whole lot of garlic butter! 1.3864 0.06349 88 59 24 5
1498 It's Escarzilla. France's attempt at a horror film. 1.3861 0.05797 101 67 29 5
1499 This is why I am not a fan of huge composting centers 1.3861 0.05797 101 67 29 5
1500 I agree, Captain, it is a lovely stone façade. Now if you would look a little to the left. 1.3861 0.06288 101 70 23 8
1501 On the bright side, think of all the escargot we will have. 1.3860 0.04039 114 82 28 4
1502 On the bright side, we'll have escargo for months! 1.3855 0.07033 83 58 18 7
1503 I think it's time for a new prescription, sir. 1.3855 0.07634 83 61 12 10
1504 Like all snails, it eats plants. In this case, nuclear plants. 1.3854 0.06347 96 66 23 7
1505 It’s a 100 ft tall snail, General. Are the binoculars really necessary? 1.3854 0.05806 96 65 26 5
1506 We have time. It will take him a month to get here. 1.3854 0.06347 96 66 23 7
1507 You were the one who said SALT would no longer be necessary. 1.3854 0.06684 96 68 19 9
1508 I told the Japanese we'll need a name by next Tuesday. 1.3854 0.06684 96 68 19 9
1509 I see France has unleashed its new secret weapon 1.3854 0.06347 96 66 23 7
1510 We have completed the salt perimeter 1.3853 0.05960 109 75 26 8
1511 It escaped from Costco. 1.3846 0.07575 78 56 14 8
1512 We should think about leaving. He could make it over here sometime tomorrow. 1.3846 0.06399 91 62 23 6
1513 A tanker of garlic butter is on it's way to Le Bernardin, Captain. 1.3846 0.06004 104 71 26 7
1514 Have you tried being empathic? 1.3846 0.04628 91 70 16 5
1515 It came from China 1.3846 0.04794 104 73 27 4
1516 WHEN WE ASKED SOMEONE TO SLUG IT OUT WITH GODZILLA, I DONT THINK THEY HAD THIS IN MIND. 1.3846 0.04985 104 76 24 4
1517 Look! The snail is outpacing the 6 train! 1.3846 0.06158 104 72 24 8
1518 So you are recommending an assault or just salt? 1.3846 0.07122 78 54 18 6
1519 We all slowly saw it coming 1.3846 0.05847 104 70 28 6
1520 Traffic's kinda sluggish today don't you think? 1.3846 0.06158 104 72 24 8
1521 Sir, I think we’ve found something to do with all that microbrew. 1.3839 0.06115 112 79 23 10
1522 Property values will decline, but slowly. 1.3838 0.06042 99 67 26 6
1523 Oh dear God, he's on the move! We don't have to act quickly. 1.3838 0.06042 99 67 26 6
1524 We'd better get out of here; he could be here within an hour! 1.3838 0.06210 99 68 24 7
1525 Looks like it’s going to be a slow news day. 1.3837 0.06854 86 60 19 7
1526 this looks like a slow moving disaster... 1.3837 0.06442 86 58 23 5
1527 Godzilla, at least, ravaged the city and was gone. This guy took all day to cross 6th Avenue. 1.3837 0.07050 86 61 17 8
1528 According to the recipe, you will need twelve tons of garlic butter. 1.3837 0.07610 86 64 11 11
1529 It's climate change. The Queen Mary used to dock here. 1.3837 0.06854 86 60 19 7
1530 Officer, I am quite certain that he is the one I'm looking for... 1.3837 0.06651 86 59 21 6
1531 We're doomed sir, but you still have time to finish The Sopranos. 1.3837 0.06442 86 58 23 5
1532 Bring salt! Lots of salt! And garlic, too. 1.3833 0.06283 120 88 18 14
1533 If your troops can lure it into boiling water, our chefs can bring the garlic and parsley butter. 1.3832 0.06319 107 76 21 10
1534 It’’s the new Electric S-Car-Go 1.3832 0.06178 107 75 23 9
1535 Well now I'm really glad I didn't order the frog's legs 1.3830 0.06611 94 66 20 8
1536 Don't worry general, there's still plenty of time! 1.3830 0.05879 94 62 28 4
1537 Gerald it's a giant snail so why the binoculars?" 1.3830 0.05681 94 61 30 3
1538 ... know any hungry Frenchmen? 1.3826 0.05738 115 79 28 8
1539 You think THIS guy is menacing? You should see the French chef running down Madison Avenue! 1.3824 0.06542 102 73 19 10
1540 In New York we suffer, but in Paris they feast! 1.3824 0.06542 102 73 19 10
1541 I encouraged him to come out of his shell a bit more. My bad. 1.3824 0.06392 102 72 21 9
1542 It is pulling the carts with the vaccines so we should be set by the Summer 1.3824 0.06238 102 71 23 8
1543 My God, he could be right on top of us in months! 1.3820 0.06492 89 61 22 6
1544 Serious yes. An emergency not so much. 1.3820 0.05873 89 58 28 3
1545 Apart from this, the giant lettuce experiment worked great. 1.3820 0.06492 89 61 22 6
1546 This mutation of the virus will probably require an additional booster shot. 1.3820 0.06874 89 63 18 8
1547 I’d we say we should evacuate the city, but we’ve probably got time... 1.3818 0.06192 110 78 22 10
1548 Looks like that the new variant could be trouble. 1.3818 0.06055 110 77 24 9
1549 Finally, the mail has arrived. 1.3816 0.07001 76 52 19 5
1550 I think you are missing the big picture. 1.3816 0.07247 76 53 17 6
1551 did you ever think of looking through the other end? 1.3814 0.06121 97 66 25 6
1552 Our best estimates say it will take 17 pounds of garlic and about twice that amount of butter. 1.3814 0.06462 97 68 21 8
1553 We're going to need more garlic. 1.3814 0.05886 118 83 25 10
1554 I’ve called every French restaurant in the city, no one will take him. 1.3814 0.05505 118 80 31 7
1555 It's a race between Slime-O-Geddon and Trump's getting back on Twitter. 1.3810 0.06539 84 57 22 5
1556 The Trumpasaurus Rex - Beneath it's mighty shell it's just another slug. 1.3810 0.06755 84 58 20 6
1557 The good news is it won't get uptown until 2022. 1.3810 0.06539 84 57 22 5
1558 No mask, but the social distancing is really working. 1.3810 0.06539 84 57 22 5
1559 Call in the salt trucks NOW! 1.3810 0.06110 105 73 24 8
1560 How big a beer trap can your troops make? 1.3810 0.05802 105 71 28 6
1561 I finally have something to talk about 1.3810 0.07167 84 60 16 8
1562 If we could capture it,we could certainly sell it to France! 1.3805 0.05939 113 79 25 9
1563 Yes sir, the virus may be mutating a little quicker than was previously thought. 1.3805 0.05666 113 77 29 7
1564 I just feel like you guys would take me more seriously if I had a uniform too. 1.3803 0.07603 71 50 15 6
1565 It's going for the rooftop herbs gardens! 1.3803 0.06763 71 47 21 3
1566 We're filling The Pond with beer. 1.3800 0.06321 100 70 22 8
1567 No rush, but we’re gonna need very large salt shaker. 1.3800 0.05993 100 70 23 7
1568 The Army says the rail cars of garlic and butter are delayed. What are your orders? 1.3800 0.05646 100 66 30 4
1569 Okay, yes, I see it now 1.3797 0.07274 79 56 16 7
1570 It is, however, observing the speed limit. 1.3797 0.07048 79 55 18 6
1571 Of course we tried salt. It laughed at us. 1.3797 0.06814 79 54 20 5
1572 He's causing incredible damage but thankfully only moving at a snail's pace. 1.3797 0.06814 79 54 20 5
1573 2020 1.3797 0.07048 79 55 18 6
1574 Looks to be the final snail in our coffin 1.3797 0.06571 79 53 22 4
1575 Except this subtle side effect, it seems we have an effective vaccine 1.3797 0.06814 79 54 20 5
1576 The snail isn’t that serious. In fact, it’s most likely a deep-state conspiracy financed by garden pesticide companies. We should carry on as normal. 1.3796 0.06407 108 78 19 11
1577 So what if it is an exotic pest? It's beautiful! 1.3793 0.06789 87 61 19 7
1578 I agree that it seems like a giant snail, but I'd like to send a sample for histology just to be sure. 1.3793 0.06589 87 60 21 6
1579 On the plus side, he's only gone half a block since Thursday. 1.3793 0.06983 87 62 17 8
1580 Sir, I think “unprecedented” has been overused lately. 1.3793 0.06383 87 59 23 5
1581 This administration’s solution for mail delivery isn’t quite what I expected. 1.3793 0.06170 87 58 25 4
1582 King Kong’s replacement, not as scary as we would have liked 1.3793 0.06983 87 62 17 8
1583 I just wanted bigger tomatoes . . . I had no idea a little growth hormone in the garden would yield such dramatic results! 1.3789 0.06381 95 66 22 7
1584 I assure you General, it's just a metaphor. 1.3789 0.06203 95 65 24 6
1585 They said the end would come slowly.... 1.3789 0.06723 95 68 18 9
1586 Thank God! A SLOW news day! 1.3789 0.06381 95 66 22 7
1587 it will get to us eventually 1.3789 0.06020 95 64 26 5
1588 Now do you see him??? 1.3786 0.06340 103 73 21 9
1589 This is a virus mutation we did not expect! 1.3786 0.06340 103 73 21 9
1590 I think we have plenty of time. 1.3786 0.06033 103 71 25 7
1591 Sir, by my calculations, the binoculars are no longer needed. 1.3786 0.05873 103 70 27 6
1592 Yes it’s an existential threat but it’s moving too slowly to affect us in our lifetime 1.3786 0.06340 103 73 21 9
1593 It's a snail. 1.3784 0.07378 74 52 16 6
1594 Don’t worry. We’ve got plenty of time. 1.3784 0.05731 111 76 28 7
1595 I'm still not sure how this is the mayor's fault. 1.3784 0.05731 111 76 28 7
1596 Another slow news day 1.3784 0.06582 74 49 22 3
1597 Don't just stand there! At this pace, the city will be devastated by 2040. From climate change. And, maybe, that thing. 1.3780 0.06863 82 57 19 6
1598 Une fourchette géante et du beurre à l'ail s'il vous plaît. 1.3780 0.07288 82 59 15 8
1599 Do not cut the funding, I said, but, did they listen? 1.3780 0.06863 82 57 19 6
1600 We have plenty of time not to prepare for this. 1.3780 0.06640 82 56 21 5
1601 ‘’He’s looking for mail.’’ 1.3780 0.07288 82 59 15 8
1602 This is what happens when it’s not kept at -70. 1.3780 0.07079 82 58 17 7
1603 This is DeJoy's doing. Snail Mail is out of control. 1.3778 0.06237 90 61 24 5
1604 The only good news is that it'll be Jersey's problem by next winter. 1.3778 0.06625 90 63 20 7
1605 Hurry General...you only have 3 months to save the taxi! 1.3776 0.06241 98 68 23 7
1606 Why yes, General, the experimental butter-garlic laser is operational. 1.3776 0.06241 98 68 23 7
1607 We were worried about the South African covid variant, but this new one came from Central Park. 1.3776 0.06408 98 69 21 8
1608 All we need now is the largest French bistro in the world. 1.3772 0.05763 114 79 27 8
1609 I've spend years trying to explain that my research on Global Worming wasn't a typo 1.3772 0.05626 114 78 29 7
1610 It's the dreaded French variant 1.3768 0.06879 69 46 20 3
1611 He says he's here to make America great again. 1.3768 0.07753 69 49 14 6
1612 Congress wants to know if it's slow-moving enough to push into the next budget. 1.3765 0.06690 85 61 17 7
1613 Does it realize they finished filming the King Kong vs Godzilla movie last month? 1.3765 0.05792 85 55 28 2
1614 I saw this coming for years. 1.3763 0.06288 93 64 23 6
1615 We’ll have time for lunch. 1.3763 0.06823 93 67 17 9
1616 I don't know, a little butter, some finely chopped garlic ... 1.3763 0.06471 93 65 21 7
1617 Dammit General, I’m a mycologist not a malacologist! 1.3763 0.06288 93 64 23 6
1618 Officer, as a medical doctor, may I ask if you've had your eyes checked recently? 1.3763 0.05494 93 63 27 3
1619 All said and done, it turns out the USPS have a cheeky sense of humor 1.3763 0.06288 93 64 23 6
1620 Can only see part of it. This snail thing is blocking my view. 1.3762 0.05946 101 69 26 6
1621 It isn't all bad. The slime will fill the potholes. 1.3762 0.06110 101 70 24 7
1622 He's moved a foot in twenty years, so who gives a shit? 1.3762 0.05946 101 69 26 6
1623 We need to evacuate the city,but like,no rush. 1.3762 0.05946 101 69 26 6
1624 I don’t think there’s much more we can do to slow it down. 1.3762 0.06270 101 73 19 9
1625 Can you confirm if it's male snail? 1.3761 0.06222 109 78 21 10
1626 As close as I can make it we're looking at twelve hundred garlic bulbs, ninety bushels of parsley and a ton and a quarter of butter. 1.3761 0.05658 117 81 28 8
1627 You should get glasses. I can see him without binoculars! 1.3750 0.06976 72 49 19 4
1628 Walk gingerly for your lives. 1.3750 0.06528 88 61 21 6
1629 Quick! Secure the film rights! 1.3750 0.05827 104 71 27 6
1630 Eventually we should get out of here. 1.3750 0.07516 72 51 15 6
1631 It's moving at its own pace. 1.3750 0.06326 96 67 22 7
1632 Have you spotted the problem yet? 1.3750 0.06528 88 61 21 6
1633 We must get the President to take action before more lives are lost. I mean... when it's convenient. You know, no rush... 1.3750 0.05783 96 64 28 4
1634 Fortunately, there is no need to expedite evacuation. 1.3750 0.06139 104 73 23 8
1635 Cab drivers can't compete with the new ride share...Es Car Go! 1.3750 0.05897 88 58 27 3
1636 Yes, General, we do have a sufficient Garlic and Butter reserve... 1.3750 0.06326 96 67 22 7
1637 It clearly isn't enjoying those speed bumps. 1.3750 0.06497 96 68 20 8
1638 Thank God for the SALT treaty! 1.3750 0.06497 96 68 20 8
1639 Those food blogs were right - escargot really is going to be big this year. 1.3750 0.06497 96 68 20 8
1640 There’s only one ship big enough to carry this thing out of here - “The S. S. Cargo.” 1.3750 0.06139 104 73 23 8
1641 Oh, fiddlesticks. We just cleaned up the slime from Trump. 1.3750 0.06664 96 69 18 9
1642 Yes, yes it's the back to normal new mascot 1.3750 0.06506 80 54 22 4
1643 Sir, will you finally admit that you need glasses? 1.3750 0.06506 80 54 22 4
1644 It’s surrounded. There’s nowhere for it to escargot 1.3750 0.06745 80 55 20 5
1645 It would be a lot smaller if you turned the glasses around. 1.3739 0.05854 115 81 25 9
1646 The good news is it won’t get to the end of the block for another week. 1.3739 0.05449 115 78 31 6
1647 Escar -Go 1.3738 0.06016 107 75 24 8
1648 so, do you think we'll be in the movie? 1.3738 0.06016 107 75 24 8
1649 You have to decide, salt or escargot. 1.3738 0.05715 107 79 20 8
1650 My analysis indicates that this crisis will not be resolved quickly. 1.3737 0.05847 99 67 27 5
1651 Sir....it’s not too late for that eye exam. 1.3737 0.06354 99 70 21 8
1652 Although rare, there are sometimes side effects of the COVID-19 vaccine. 1.3736 0.06182 91 62 24 5
1653 I don’t think “hearts and minds” is working, colonel. 1.3736 0.06565 91 64 20 7
1654 Uh oh...slow, but sure. 1.3736 0.07101 91 67 14 10
1655 It does look angry 1.3736 0.06376 91 63 22 6
1656 Don't worry about evacuating - we have time. 1.3736 0.06376 91 63 22 6
1657 All the pretzel carts are on their way. 1.3736 0.06927 91 66 16 9
1658 Can we keep him, Sir? 1.3736 0.06376 91 63 22 6
1659 Worst case scenario - it reaches us in a month. 1.3735 0.06575 83 57 21 5
1660 I’d say two days before we evacuate the hospital 1.3735 0.06795 83 58 19 6
1661 Ok, it is slow moving, but I still think we might warn people. 1.3735 0.05610 83 53 29 1
1662 Can you make it Escar-Stop? 1.3735 0.07008 83 59 17 7
1663 I think it’s here to feed on the Big Apple. 1.3735 0.06795 83 58 19 6
1664 At this rate, he’ll get to City Hall sometime in June. 1.3735 0.06347 83 56 23 4
1665 Endangered species, they said?! I wouldn't count the Postal Service out just yet. 1.3735 0.07415 83 61 13 9
1666 So this is DeJoy’s new plan! 1.3735 0.06795 83 58 19 6
1667 The new vacine does not have that affect on humans. 1.3733 0.06514 75 50 22 3
1668 I can't tell. Is he pro Trump or BLM? 1.3733 0.08441 75 58 6 11
1669 It's destruction at a snail's pace 1.3733 0.06785 75 51 20 4
1670 Side effects include irritability, swelling, and in this case... feeling sluggish. 🐌 1.3733 0.06514 75 50 22 3
1671 Why are you using the binoculars? 1.3731 0.07619 67 47 15 5
1672 It doesn't matter if its sea, Himalayan, Kosher, or table...it just needs to be a big shaker! 1.3725 0.06373 102 73 20 9
1673 The return of Godsnailla. We need a ton of garlic and butter. 1.3725 0.06524 102 74 18 10
1674 So we're clear, this is not the slow-moving ecological disaster I was warning you about. 1.3725 0.05899 102 70 26 6
1675 Seems like a good time for a trip to Cancun. 1.3725 0.06219 102 72 22 8
1676 Binoculars make it seem larger than it is. 1.3725 0.06671 102 75 16 11
1677 Hit it with a flamethrower, Sir. ...a little butter, garlic... 1.3723 0.06233 94 65 23 6
1678 Well, I guess we should call animal control. 1.3723 0.06590 94 67 19 8
1679 Yes, we should have been ready. 1.3723 0.06047 94 64 25 5
1680 The Pentagon and Le Cordon Bleu both have some questions... 1.3723 0.06590 94 67 19 8
1681 We should mosey for our lives. 1.3721 0.06829 86 61 18 7
1682 'This will get rid of Godzilla,' you said, 'then all our problems will be over,' you said. 1.3721 0.06199 86 58 24 4
1683 I had assumed the slime trail was from Trump moving back to his tower... 1.3721 0.07027 86 62 16 8
1684 Call Bobby Flay." 1.3721 0.06626 86 60 20 6
1685 I think we over did it with the growth hormone . 1.3721 0.06416 86 59 22 5
1686 Did you bring that salt. 1.3721 0.05975 86 57 26 3
1687 He’s moving about as fast as this vaccine rollout. 1.3721 0.06626 86 60 20 6
1688 Officer, he was a late entry into the NYC Marathon, 10 years ago. 1.3719 0.05395 121 83 31 7
1689 I told them this would happen when we signed SALT II 1.3718 0.06854 78 54 19 5
1690 Well, we know he’s big, clumsy, destructive, and — in my professional opinion — a bit gross, officer. 1.3718 0.07093 78 55 17 6
1691 Just answer the question: Is it a big problem or a little problem? 1.3718 0.07093 78 55 17 6
1692 Step back --- slowly. 1.3714 0.05783 105 72 27 6
1693 I guess we can't say we didn't see this coming. He's been slowly inching his way toward the city for the last 8 years. 1.3711 0.06099 97 67 24 6
1694 I think it's the Postal Service! 1.3711 0.06767 97 71 16 10
1695 Never should have put the lab next to a nuclear power plant.... 1.3711 0.06442 97 69 20 8
1696 I wish we could stop this slow moving death slug but businesses must remain open, there’s literally nothing we can do. Plus I don’t see how stopping it now would be fair to the people who already got crushed 1.3710 0.05428 124 86 30 8
1697 Thankfully, it's only moving at a snail's pace. 1.3708 0.06267 89 61 23 5
1698 Any sign of the jet with the giant salt shaker, sir? 1.3708 0.06468 89 64 18 7
1699 We're going to need a lot of garlic sauce. 1.3708 0.07214 89 66 13 10
1700 The virus has mutated again. 1.3708 0.06267 89 61 23 5
1701 This is a slow-motion catastrophe. 1.3707 0.05939 116 83 23 10
1702 Why the fuck do you need binoculars? It's a motherfucking giant snail. You telling me you need special lenses to see a motherfucking giant snail in the middle of Broadway? Jesus fuck. 1.3704 0.07545 81 60 12 9
1703 No, it didn't escape from the lab. It's from the wet market. 1.3704 0.07338 81 59 14 8
1704 Bad news, it’s destroying the city. Good news, it should take about three months. 1.3704 0.06442 81 55 22 4
1705 They say it will get to us by may 1.3704 0.05970 108 76 24 8
1706 Ah, he's not wearing a mask. This could be a problem. 1.3704 0.06442 81 55 22 4
1707 Yes, that's definitely a snail. 1.3704 0.07545 81 60 12 9
1708 As near as I can tell, it's delivering the mail. 1.3700 0.06460 100 72 19 9
1709 Je crois que vous aurez les escargots bourguignons sur la carte ce soir. 1.3700 0.05624 100 67 29 4
1710 He might even be slimier than the politicians. 1.3700 0.05972 100 69 25 6
1711 One of our lab assistants is a postdoc from Hogwarts. 1.3699 0.07169 73 51 17 5
1712 I don't know, but it's in the the "zilla" category 1.3699 0.07169 73 51 17 5
1713 Were you expecting mail? 1.3696 0.05929 92 62 26 4
1714 This is no time for science, Doc 1.3696 0.05929 92 62 26 4
1715 I warned you last week! You should have seen this coming! 1.3694 0.05568 111 76 29 6
1716 I warned them urban gardening would disturb the city's fragile ecosystem. Now we need to introduce giant geese too! 1.3694 0.05993 111 79 23 9
1717 at least we don't have to run... 1.3692 0.07128 65 44 18 3
1718 Maybe this time the National Guard can make it in time! 1.3692 0.07458 65 45 16 4
1719 This is why we only give them two shots of the vaccine, General. 1.3692 0.07458 65 45 16 4
1720 Did you try calling the French embassy? 1.3690 0.06287 84 57 23 4
1721 We're gonna need a bigger salt truck. 1.3690 0.06511 84 58 21 5
1722 Is this lens better or worse? 1.3690 0.06938 84 60 17 7
1723 He’s going to be mortified over that burst pipe, he’s very sensitive about his size 1.3690 0.06938 84 60 17 7
1724 Now where am I supposed to park? 1.3689 0.06013 103 74 21 8
1725 Call Macy's, Stat! 1.3689 0.05687 103 70 28 5
1726 I'll need 40 tons of salt, but you can take your time. 1.3689 0.05517 103 69 30 4
1727 Let's not make this into a movie at that pace. 1.3684 0.06180 95 66 23 6
1728 Quick! Call for a drop of 10 tons of salt. 1.3684 0.06180 95 66 23 6
1729 What the post office saves in personnel costs, it gives up in liability coverage. 1.3684 0.06446 76 53 19 4
1730 We call it the New York strain, but it is slow to catch on. 1.3684 0.06713 76 52 20 4
1731 I recommend we stroll away. 1.3684 0.06969 76 53 18 5
1732 Maybe we shouldn't have let Louis DeJoy design the "Snail Mail" UPS float for the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. 1.3684 0.07456 76 55 14 7
1733 Well, after all, he said he’d be back in “some form.” 1.3684 0.07216 76 54 16 6
1734 Seems like a problem for the next generation 1.3684 0.06446 76 51 22 3
1735 Yes! The next wave is here and we are looking into it! 1.3678 0.06563 87 61 20 6
1736 Well, it’s not urgent. It’s been about 5 hours, and he’s only gone 2 feet. 1.3678 0.06356 87 60 22 5
1737 Louis DeJoy has really taken things too far 1.3678 0.06563 87 61 20 6
1738 Watch out! Here comes The Guggenheim! 1.3678 0.06356 87 60 22 5
1739 You better walk Professor. Walk for your life. 1.3678 0.06563 87 61 20 6
1740 No Sir, we can't blame the French for this one. 1.3678 0.06143 87 59 24 4
1741 Another one of those slow-rolling disasters! 1.3678 0.05921 87 61 22 4
1742 I thought you asked for a natural snail enhancement pill. 1.3676 0.07526 68 48 15 5
1743 I know how it feels - this is my first time out of the house too in quite a while. 1.3676 0.07526 68 48 15 5
1744 It’s the MTA’s strategy to get people back into the subways.” 1.3676 0.06919 68 46 19 3
1745 Do you see it now? 1.3673 0.06220 98 69 22 7
1746 I'm sorry I just don't see any evidence of pollution from our company impacting local wildlife 1.3673 0.05502 98 65 30 3
1747 What did they put in those vaccines? 1.3673 0.05872 98 67 26 5
1748 Who’s calling me sleepy Joe now? 1.3673 0.05872 98 67 26 5
1749 ‘I’ve just remembered I need to pick up some salt on the way home.’ 1.3673 0.06549 98 71 18 9
1750 The city doesn’t really know how to deal with slow moving problems. 1.3673 0.05872 98 67 26 5
1751 It's moving at an appetizer's pace. 1.3671 0.06540 79 54 21 4
1752 If you don't see a small tattoo, it's not one of ours. 1.3671 0.06783 79 55 19 5
1753 Sir we must redirect him towards the salt factory! 1.3671 0.07019 79 56 17 6
1754 Call the French, they'll know how to handle this. 1.3671 0.06023 79 52 25 2
1755 Slugman has to be the lamest superhero 1.3671 0.07019 79 59 13 7
1756 Don't worry, I've seen this guy before. He leaves a trail where ever he goes 1.3671 0.06783 79 55 19 5
1757 I guess this one escaped from a French lab" 1.3671 0.06287 79 53 23 3
1758 Looks like traffic is going to be slow today. 1.3671 0.06540 79 54 21 4
1759 Get a move on. We only have three weeks to secure the perimeter. 1.3671 0.06287 79 53 23 3
1760 Rush Limbaugh reincarnated 1.3671 0.07019 79 56 17 6
1761 New variant 1.3670 0.06066 109 80 19 10
1762 We have to act slow! There's plenty of time to waste. 1.3667 0.06409 90 63 21 6
1763 With enough garlic and butter we could have a feast for the whole city. 1.3667 0.06787 90 65 17 8
1764 Hey, you’re right, it does look even bigger through the binoculars! 1.3667 0.06601 90 64 19 7
1765 The Marvel Cinematic Universe is running out of ideas. 1.3663 0.06406 101 73 19 9
1766 We have about 3 months to evacuate the City 1.3663 0.06249 101 72 21 8
1767 He's destroying the city at an alarmingly slow rate. 1.3663 0.05924 101 70 25 6
1768 Now that is what I call climate change 1.3662 0.07018 71 49 18 4
1769 Quick! We have to walk away! 1.3662 0.07570 71 51 14 6
1770 I know that big slug. That's Les Cargo. 1.3659 0.07665 82 62 10 10
1771 Seen him before. Calls himself Lawrence Whelk. 1.3656 0.06264 93 65 22 6
1772 The good news is that at this pace, we’ve got plenty of time to evacuate. 1.3656 0.06264 93 65 22 6
1773 The good news is there isn’t any hurry. 1.3656 0.06448 93 66 20 7
1774 At this rate FEMA may still have a small chance to react 1.3656 0.06074 93 64 24 5
1775 I hope you like escargot. 1.3656 0.06264 93 65 22 6
1776 Don't worry. I heard Godzilla loves escargot. 1.3656 0.06264 93 65 22 6
1777 Kosher, pink Himalayan or Maldon? 1.3654 0.06561 104 77 16 11
1778 The best idea we came up with is to encircle it with a mound of table salt. 1.3651 0.04728 126 92 28 6
1779 Male snail, snail-mail, whatever. Only the Postal Service can stop it now! 1.3649 0.07089 74 52 17 5
1780 I'm telling you, it's a snail. 1.3649 0.06823 74 51 19 4
1781 This is our escargot géant and we recommend pairing it with a Mouton Cadet. 1.3649 0.06546 74 50 21 3
1782 It's the new Model S Car Go. 1.3649 0.06823 74 51 19 4
1783 After lunch grab all the salt shakers you can carry. 1.3647 0.05252 85 59 24 2
1784 My mom had the same thing happen to her garden. 1.3647 0.06663 85 60 19 6
1785 Maybe it'll just go away. 1.3645 0.05695 107 74 27 6
1786 No, not A-ssault... just salt. 1.3645 0.05997 107 76 23 8
1787 At least time's on our side....should we call the French? 1.3645 0.06142 107 77 21 9
1788 It looks smaller and less threatening if you turn the binoculars around. 1.3645 0.05538 107 73 29 5
1789 It's the USPS mascot, Mr. Snail Mail. 1.3636 0.06642 77 53 20 4
1790 I told you the vaccine wasn’t safe! 1.3636 0.05998 99 72 21 6
1791 It's expected to reach us in three days. 1.3636 0.07365 66 46 16 4
1792 No worries. He's moving at a snail's pace. 1.3636 0.06502 88 62 20 6
1793 You're right. It is sluggish. Must have been sent by Congress. 1.3636 0.07675 66 47 14 5
1794 The French said we'll need a lot of those little tiny forks. 1.3636 0.06298 88 61 22 5
1795 Wait 'til you see the cows we're working on to get enough butter. 1.3636 0.07365 66 46 16 4
1796 General, I would suggest we go to Costco for some garlic and butter. 1.3636 0.06892 88 64 16 8
1797 Don’t worry. We have a C-130 fire plane in route filled with garlic butter. Oh, what a way to escargot! 1.3636 0.06298 88 61 22 5
1798 The bad news: he's unstoppable. The good news: he's slow 1.3636 0.06895 77 54 18 5
1799 No one believes me when I complain about the traffic in New York. 1.3636 0.05824 99 68 26 5
1800 Seriously, you don’t see anything? 1.3636 0.06494 99 72 18 9
1801 Go easy, General. He looks mad but he's actually a real softie inside." 1.3636 0.06642 77 53 20 4
1802 Now flip the binoculars around and look at it the other way.it looks like any other snail 1.3636 0.06895 77 54 18 5
1803 Wait till you see the whale 1.3636 0.07675 66 47 14 5
1804 Chief, time may not be of the essence, but citizens are beginning to tweet about the mucus. 1.3636 0.05589 110 76 28 6
1805 It's Escargotzilla! 1.3636 0.07079 88 65 14 9
1806 We need a bigger salt shaker. 1.3627 0.06504 102 75 17 10
1807 I know you’re thinking escargot..... but where will we find enough garlic? 1.3627 0.06198 102 73 21 8
1808 See anything? 1.3626 0.07078 91 68 13 10
1809 Our modelling indicates he should make it to that building by next Tuesday. 1.3626 0.06156 91 63 23 5
1810 Yes sir, we’re developing a plan at a leisurely pace. 1.3626 0.06156 91 63 23 5
1811 At this pace, climate change will get us first. 1.3626 0.06904 91 67 15 9
1812 The good news is it’s really slow. 1.3626 0.05745 91 61 27 3
1813 The GOP has released their 2024 candidate and honestly it’s about what we expected 1.3626 0.06156 91 63 23 5
1814 Is it Thanksgiving Day Parade tryouts time already? 1.3626 0.06351 91 64 21 6
1815 Did we use all the salt on the snow? 1.3625 0.06714 80 56 19 5
1816 Every time this happens,it seems like a surprise. 1.3625 0.06714 80 56 19 5
1817 A snail? Let me see. 1.3625 0.06945 80 57 17 6
1818 Just don't call him sluggish. 1.3623 0.06519 69 46 21 2
1819 Better sound the alarm, General. That cabbie's got exactly four hours and 12 minutes to get out of there. 1.3619 0.06071 105 75 22 8
1820 They say we need a huge hammer when everything looks like a snail. 1.3619 0.05918 105 74 24 7
1821 I don’t think the SALT Treaty covers this. 1.3617 0.06739 94 69 16 9
1822 On the other hand, we have plenty of time to come up with a strategy. 1.3617 0.05629 94 63 28 3
1823 All that's going to survive is cable news channels that are already slime. 1.3617 0.06022 94 65 24 5
1824 Sir, we're out of options. Its time to call in the French. 1.3617 0.06391 94 67 20 7
1825 At this rate of destruction, we've only got twenty years. 1.3617 0.06391 94 67 20 7
1826 So, that’s where all the mail went. 1.3617 0.06209 94 66 22 6
1827 I did mention one of the vaccines side effects could be feeling sluggish 1.3617 0.06391 94 67 20 7
1828 Well, we have plenty of time 'till he gets here. 1.3614 0.06317 83 57 22 4
1829 I'm not sure the rapid response team is going to be able to help us here. 1.3614 0.06545 83 58 20 5
1830 OK, so do you see anything out of the ordinary? 1.3614 0.07187 83 61 14 8
1831 A decade ago, I would've said electability was an issue... 1.3614 0.06980 83 60 16 7
1832 I told you it would be a big deal if the snail mail actually arrived! 1.3614 0.06766 83 59 18 6
1833 The return of indoor dining sure is bringing everyone out of the woodwork 1.3614 0.06317 83 57 22 4
1834 The cartoonists are not backing down, sir. 1.3614 0.07389 83 62 12 9
1835 The new street cleaner seems to be working as well as expected, sir 1.3614 0.06317 83 57 22 4
1836 We’re gonna need a lot of garlic butter 1.3613 0.05301 119 82 31 6
1837 The scientific experiment to create the biggest balloon for this year's Thanksgiving parade, has somehow gone terribly wrong. 1.3613 0.05301 119 87 24 8
1838 Stop hogging the binoculars. I wanna see. 1.3611 0.07481 72 52 14 6
1839 It's bad, but nothing compared to last year's slugfest. 1.3611 0.07481 72 52 14 6
1840 I guess Trump is back in New York 1.3611 0.06651 72 49 20 3
1841 At this rate the city will be lost in 6 years! 1.3608 0.06903 97 73 13 11
1842 The E.P.A. advises salt substitute. 1.3608 0.06075 97 68 23 6
1843 The Pentagon promised the Marines would come, but then I heard laughter in the background. 1.3608 0.05896 97 67 25 5
1844 It's leveled every auberge and brasserie in its path! 1.3608 0.06075 97 68 23 6
1845 The techs got careless making escargot in the E.D. Lab 1.3608 0.06419 97 70 19 8
1846 And I was just getting used to seeing toilet paper on the shelves again 1.3607 0.07765 61 43 14 4
1847 You think we would have seen this coming. 1.3607 0.06625 61 40 20 1
1848 I saud look at the snail's PACE, not the snail's face! 1.3605 0.06388 86 60 21 5
1849 The binoculars tend to exaggerate the size of the problem. 1.3605 0.05944 86 61 21 4
1850 Well, they say urban renewal moves at a snail’s pace. 1.3605 0.06388 86 60 21 5
1851 He’s late 1.3605 0.06170 86 59 23 4
1852 It’s closer than it appears. 1.3600 0.06117 100 71 22 7
1853 Too bad Trump took us out of the S.A.L.T. 1.3600 0.06477 75 51 21 3
1854 They're blaming this on China. 1.3600 0.06749 75 54 16 5
1855 I estimate we will make contact...shortly. 1.3600 0.05777 100 69 26 5
1856 Be careful. It smells like garlic butter with just a touch of herb. 1.3600 0.05777 100 69 26 5
1857 Make Snails Great Again! 1.3600 0.06117 100 71 22 7
1858 I’m glad it’s finally gotten your attention. 1.3600 0.07011 75 53 17 5
1859 Somebody get the French Chef Division on the horn. 1.3600 0.05416 100 67 30 3
1860 We will be in serious danger if we don't move within 4 to 6 days. 1.3596 0.06636 89 64 18 7
1861 He's demanding the release of all mollusks. 1.3596 0.06826 89 65 16 8
1862 Its headed to Wall Street for ... cabbage. 1.3596 0.06240 89 62 22 5
1863 No, he’s not wearing a mask. 1.3596 0.06032 89 61 24 4
1864 Thank God we had two months' notice or it would have been much worse. 1.3596 0.06240 89 62 22 5
1865 We've contacted our French Division and are awaiting further instructions. 1.3592 0.06879 103 79 11 13
1866 We’re going to need all the garlic and butter we can find. 1.3592 0.05664 103 71 27 5
1867 Fortunately, we recently replenished the National Garlic Butter Reserve, sir. 1.3592 0.05136 103 77 22 4
1868 Maybe we should've started with shrinking 1.3590 0.07061 78 56 16 6
1869 If we don't act right now, New York will be destroyed in four years. 1.3590 0.07061 78 56 16 6
1870 But you don’t believe in science. 1.3590 0.06573 78 54 20 4
1871 Guess now we know what delayed the vaccine rollout! 1.3590 0.06822 78 55 18 5
1872 You must order people to evacuate at their convenience. 1.3587 0.05902 92 63 25 4
1873 I think we got some time 1.3587 0.05902 92 63 25 4
1874 Well, first of all, we're going to need about 100 tons of butter, garlic, parsley and breadcrumbs...and, of course, a fine Chablis. 1.3587 0.06294 92 65 21 6
1875 I don't care what everybody wants, tell them they are eating escargot, and they are going to like it." 1.3587 0.06294 92 65 21 6
1876 The giant tape dispenser is ready to deploy, sir. 1.3585 0.05872 106 75 24 7
1877 I’ll tell you what, this isn’t what i imagined life would be like when i stopped quarantining 1.3585 0.05872 106 75 24 7
1878 We know how to stop it, but the EPA is insisting we use sea salt. 1.3582 0.06957 67 46 18 3
1879 I told you. It's a snail. 1.3582 0.07579 67 48 14 5
1880 Impressive audition, but the remake calls for a gorilla. 1.3582 0.07275 67 47 16 4
1881 I concur with your diagnosis. It's definitely an overactive thyroid. 1.3582 0.06957 67 46 18 3
1882 You'll only encourage it by acknowledging it. 1.3582 0.07579 67 48 14 5
1883 We believe it came from Long Island, sir. 1.3582 0.06624 67 45 20 2
1884 It’s like watching a snail wreck in slow motion. 1.3580 0.06409 81 56 21 4
1885 Bon appetit! 1.3580 0.06874 81 58 17 6
1886 He may be sluggish, but he’s thorough. What do we do now? 1.3580 0.06645 81 57 19 5
1887 Can't you see that the vaccines are coming at a snail's pace? 1.3580 0.05064 81 59 19 3
1888 I think we can outrun him. 1.3580 0.07095 81 59 15 7
1889 The postal service has been so slow recently, we’ve actually resorted to snail mail as a faster alternative. 1.3580 0.07309 81 60 13 8
1890 Don't worry. We'll have plenty of time to come up with a solution. 1.3579 0.06334 95 68 20 7
1891 If we don’t act soon, it could destroy the other side of that street by next week. 1.3579 0.05583 95 64 28 3
1892 In the science community we like to call things like this a "mishap". 1.3579 0.06509 95 69 18 8
1893 Our hypothesis: Trump's tax returns will be conveniently destroyed in all this 1.3579 0.06679 95 70 16 9
1894 The public appears to be more concerned about giving it a cool name. 1.3571 0.07114 84 62 14 8
1895 Alternatively, Sir, there's a French restaurant uptown that said they'd like to turn this into some kind of outdoor dining opportunity. 1.3571 0.07114 84 62 14 8
1896 The good news is that we do have some time to figure out a solution. 1.3571 0.06022 84 57 24 3
1897 Why does the white guy always get the binoculars? 1.3571 0.06910 84 61 16 7
1898 I told him that particular Growth Hormone was still In the trial stage but he insisted. 1.3571 0.06022 84 57 24 3
1899 We're going to need a lot more parsley! 1.3571 0.05779 84 56 26 2
1900 Are you sure you gave him the right vaccine? 1.3571 0.07624 70 51 13 6
1901 Republicans are slow to change...but still destructive. 1.3571 0.06910 84 61 16 7
1902 Big? Yes. Fast? No. 1.3571 0.05208 112 76 32 4
1903 Scientifically speaking,at least we have some time to figure out how to stop it. 1.3571 0.06364 98 71 19 8
1904 Don’t worry, we’re filling the reservoir with beer. 1.3571 0.07624 70 51 13 6
1905 We estimate it'll take him six months to get to 91st Street. 1.3571 0.05475 98 66 29 3
1906 A military strike is useless. Baking in butter and garlic is the only way to defeat this monster. 1.3571 0.06256 84 58 22 4
1907 No worries, General, he can only move at a snail's pace. 1.3571 0.05508 112 78 28 6
1908 Well, it’s still faster than L.A.’s Expo Line... 1.3571 0.06699 84 60 18 6
1909 It’s not the wake of destruction that worries me. It’s the trail of slime. 1.3571 0.06256 84 58 22 4
1910 The bad news is that the salt trucks didn't work. The good news is that we have plenty of time. 1.3571 0.06024 98 69 23 6
1911 Have you tried thoughts and prayers? 1.3571 0.07313 84 63 12 9
1912 He says he's Mitch McConnell 1.3564 0.06384 101 74 18 9
1913 A good time to stock up on garlic butter, n'est-ce pas? 1.3564 0.06384 101 74 18 9
1914 Looks like the Postal Service upped capacity without sacrificing its efficiency standards. 1.3563 0.06327 87 61 21 5
1915 Quick, someone call the Morton Salt girl! 1.3563 0.06327 87 61 21 5
1916 Contact Morton! We need all the salt we can get! 1.3563 0.06112 87 60 23 4
1917 Tell me. Can you see it yet? 1.3563 0.06932 87 64 15 8
1918 For your anxiety, may I suggest looking through the other end. 1.3563 0.06112 87 60 23 4
1919 Garlic butter and flamethrowers, you say? Doc, you’re a genius! 1.3563 0.06737 87 63 17 7
1920 Not sure how they crashed, he was going at a snail’s pace. 1.3563 0.06327 87 61 21 5
1921 Running isn’t necessary. 1.3562 0.06282 73 49 22 2
1922 Imagine if I had tested it on a gorilla like you suggested. 1.3562 0.07133 73 52 16 5
1923 The hair fell out when he reverted, but you can still see the orange dye around the eyes. 1.3562 0.06861 73 51 18 4
1924 Well...that’s gonna leave a trail. 1.3562 0.06861 73 51 18 4
1925 When we said "the vaccine rollout will be at a snails pace", we meant that purely metaphorically. 1.3562 0.07648 73 54 12 7
1926 Sir, I highly recommend we accept The Morton Salt Company’s offer to join forces ASAP. 1.3558 0.05620 104 72 27 5
1927 Looks like we're going to need more garlic. 1.3558 0.06098 104 75 21 8
1928 The Thanksgiving Day Parade is off to another slow start this year. 1.3558 0.06098 104 78 17 9
1929 We hear it's already slimed a dozen French restaurants 1.3558 0.06397 104 77 17 10
1930 As your eye doctor, I am going to insist on another appointment. 1.3556 0.06574 90 65 18 7
1931 The rollout for vaccination distribution is not occurring as expeditiously as we hoped. 1.3556 0.06382 90 64 20 6
1932 I tried. Monsanto still won’t recall its pesticide 1.3556 0.07121 90 68 12 10
1933 The Chardonnay tanker trucks are on the way. 1.3556 0.05765 90 61 26 3
1934 It’s actually made Wall Street less slimy! 1.3556 0.06382 90 64 20 6
1935 Prepare yourself for a slow and painful death! 1.3556 0.06382 90 64 20 6
1936 General it’s time to test our top secret 900 foot piece of lettuce 1.3556 0.06183 90 63 22 5
1937 The salt failed, General. And putting it in charge of the U.S. Postal Service only made things worse for everyone. All we have left is sending it to Congress. 1.3553 0.07423 76 56 13 7
1938 By tonight it will have destroyed that entire taxi. 1.3553 0.06408 76 52 21 3
1939 See? No strings. I told you Macy's mid-year parade rehearsal isn't a thing. 1.3553 0.07423 76 56 13 7
1940 Finally, a pandemic equal to our response time. 1.3553 0.07656 76 57 11 8
1941 On the plus side, he keeps up with the speed of traffic. 1.3553 0.07183 76 55 15 6
1942 You've got a couple of weeks to stop him! 1.3553 0.07423 76 56 13 7
1943 We should have salted the roads this winter. 1.3548 0.06047 93 65 23 5
1944 - Don't worry, it will take at least one hour for him to crush that taxi cab! 1.3548 0.05851 93 64 25 4
1945 No rush on sending the evacuation orders. This monster's moving at a snail's pace. 1.3548 0.05648 93 63 27 3
1946 Say what you will, you gotta give the guy credit for sheltering at home. 1.3548 0.06602 93 68 17 8
1947 Wow, the post office is taking snail mail to a new level. 1.3545 0.05416 110 76 29 5
1948 It looks bad, but we've got time. 1.3544 0.06251 79 54 22 3
1949 Now that definitely puts the cargo in escargot 1.3544 0.06750 79 56 18 5
1950 No rush, really, but I suspect we'll need backup. 1.3544 0.07215 79 58 14 7
1951 That one did not come from my lab. 1.3544 0.06986 79 57 16 6
1952 Looking for that Lost Shaker of Salt. 1.3544 0.07215 79 58 14 7
1953 Sir, it's not responding to 'he' or 'she' pronouns. We believe it may be asexual in nature. 1.3544 0.07436 79 59 12 8
1954 Quick. Call the French 1.3542 0.05920 96 67 24 5
1955 Now turn them around and look through them. 1.3542 0.06451 96 70 18 8
1956 Well, the good news is it won't reach us for another week. 1.3542 0.05731 96 66 26 4
1957 Send for a battalion of French chefs 1.3542 0.06279 96 69 20 7
1958 According to my calculations, we have just 16 months to act before he takes down the whole city! 1.3542 0.06102 96 68 22 6
1959 Well it’s not locusts... 1.3542 0.06102 96 68 22 6
1960 I just want to say, General... Our bad. 1.3542 0.06102 96 68 22 6
1961 sir shall I call the French? 1.3542 0.06102 96 68 22 6
1962 So that must be the new variant people keep talking about. 1.3540 0.05886 113 82 22 9
1963 How could you not be prepared? You've seen this coming for years! 1.3538 0.07731 65 47 13 5
1964 He's bringing the vaccines. 1.3538 0.07413 65 46 15 4
1965 We have time, sir. 1.3538 0.07082 65 45 17 3
1966 Okay so you really do get tons of snail mail. 1.3538 0.07413 65 46 15 4
1967 In my field we call this an invasive species 1.3538 0.06734 65 44 19 2
1968 Sir, I believe you may need to consider glasses. 1.3538 0.07731 65 47 13 5
1969 No...still a bit more to your left. 1.3537 0.06803 82 59 17 6
1970 It started as a metaphor for climate change, but at this point I’d recommend we literally get giant bag of salt. 1.3537 0.06578 82 58 19 5
1971 It's been a long time coming. 1.3537 0.06578 82 58 19 5
1972 Wow. Look at at that S-car Go. 1.3537 0.06803 82 59 17 6
1973 The French are offering 2000 euros. 1.3537 0.06803 82 59 17 6
1974 According to the media, it's not real 1.3537 0.06578 82 58 19 5
1975 Looks like we are going to need a lot more garlic and butter to bring that one down. 1.3535 0.06471 99 73 17 9
1976 The roads were salted... I bet he's regretting attacking the city in February. 1.3535 0.05799 99 69 25 5
1977 I think we're going to need more garlic. 1.3535 0.06144 99 71 21 7
1978 Sacre bleu! Escargot-zilla est arrivé! 1.3529 0.07486 68 49 14 5
1979 If he sees his shadow, only 10 more months of Covid to go! 1.3529 0.06841 85 62 16 7
1980 Remind me to RUN, next Tuesday. 1.3529 0.06418 85 60 20 5
1981 See,you left the light on. 1.3529 0.07773 68 53 8 7
1982 Butter and garlic. 1.3529 0.06633 85 61 18 6
1983 Our French allies say if we use flame-throwers, they'll provide butter, garlic and salt... 1.3529 0.07773 68 50 12 6
1984 Sir, we are running out of time, it’s critical that I have a turn to look at the naked lady on the 69th floor. 1.3529 0.06874 68 47 18 3
1985 100,000 garlic cloves,200 gallons kosher salt,30,000 gallons unsalted butter,200 gallons minced shallots,400 gallons freshly chopped flat leaf parsley,100 gallons black pepper,400 gallons of a dry white wine you’d want to drink should do it. 1.3529 0.07186 68 48 16 4
1986 Looks like we'd better call in the army, officer, but...no rush. 1.3529 0.06418 85 60 20 5
1987 I told you to watch out for these new variants. 1.3529 0.07042 85 63 14 8
1988 By my look at it, Doctor, it's your Vaccine delivery and it should be here any day now" 1.3523 0.06056 88 61 23 4
1989 You’re going to need a bigger salt shaker 1.3523 0.06865 88 65 15 8
1990 He's heading for the French Quarter and he doesn't look happy. 1.3523 0.06672 88 64 17 7
1991 let's not worry it will arrive in 2022 1.3523 0.05836 88 60 25 3
1992 He’s back and he’s transformed into his natural slug state. 1.3523 0.06268 88 62 21 5
1993 I told you he would go postal. 1.3521 0.07260 71 51 15 5
1994 Escargotham 1.3521 0.07532 71 52 13 6
1995 I 'll secure garlic and butter while you work on taking it down. 1.3516 0.06323 91 65 20 6
1996 How long can this go on? 1.3516 0.05925 91 63 24 4
1997 Let's check on him again tomorrow. 1.3516 0.05715 91 62 26 3
1998 Rather than bombing him, we believe we can lead him upstate with a few fire trucks and some good quality compost. 1.3516 0.05925 91 63 24 4
1999 Objects in binoculars are closer than they appear. 1.3516 0.06127 91 64 22 5
2000 You gotta admit he can carry a hell of a lot of mail. 1.3514 0.07052 74 53 16 5
2001 My missing 100 foot slug has a birthmark behind his right antenna. Do you see it? 1.3514 0.07052 74 53 16 5
2002 We'd better start the evacuation. That thing could be here by tomorrow. 1.3514 0.06784 74 52 18 4
2003 So... Do you see the bigger picture now? 1.3514 0.06784 74 52 18 4
2004 Great. There goes my garden. 1.3514 0.06506 74 53 17 4
2005 Call France. Tell them we'll be having an escargot festival. 1.3511 0.05995 94 66 23 5
2006 Whoa, slow down General there's no need for an overwhelming military response, just salting the streets will defeat it. 1.3511 0.06365 94 68 19 7
2007 What we need is a giant French Chef. 1.3511 0.06542 94 69 17 8
2008 Yeah, sure, bullets instead of salt. I mean, I’m just a scientist, what do I know? 1.3511 0.06365 94 68 19 7
2009 It's a Snail of Two Cities 1.3509 0.08485 57 42 10 5
2010 The good news is that it's only moving at snails pace 1.3506 0.06605 77 54 19 4
2011 Quick! We have less than two weeks to do something! 1.3506 0.06859 77 55 17 5
2012 Hold the artillery. He's unarmed. 1.3506 0.06066 77 52 23 2
2013 I knew the USPS service was slow but this pace is unreal! 1.3506 0.07570 77 58 11 8
2014 Can you locate its mail sac? 1.3505 0.06561 97 72 16 9
2015 How much garlic butter are we going to need? 1.3500 0.07820 60 43 13 4
2016 I told you last year you needed glasses, now you need binoculars? 1.3500 0.06439 80 56 20 4
2017 As I suspected, the cause was male snail. 1.3500 0.05925 100 71 23 6
2018 It's not all bad. The citizens are using the trail it leaves behind as a giant slip'n'slide. 1.3500 0.06093 100 72 21 7
2019 We're going to need a whole lot of garlic butter! 1.3500 0.06913 80 58 16 6
2020 Binoculars? 1.3500 0.06680 80 57 18 5
2021 It didn't look like the poisonous giant slug that we created in the lab to me either. 1.3500 0.06256 100 73 19 8
2022 And your sure this is Gary? 1.3500 0.05927 80 56 21 3
2023 The free market should be taking care of this any minute now. 1.3500 0.06680 80 57 18 5
2024 There’s no time to waste! We only have 2days til it gets across the street 1.3495 0.05968 103 74 22 7
2025 The meek just inherited the Earth! 1.3495 0.06279 103 76 18 9
2026 We're going to need LOTS of butter and garlic. But there's no rush... 1.3495 0.05806 103 73 24 6
2027 Dr. Fauci says we may need a booster shot for this variant. 1.3495 0.06279 103 76 18 9
2028 We were warned that the new sewerage treatment process might have unintended consequences. 1.3494 0.06949 83 61 15 7
2029 Traffic is going to be extra slow this morning. 1.3494 0.06513 83 59 19 5
2030 No wonder people are mad. He's walking slowly and taking up the whole sidewalk. 1.3494 0.06283 83 58 21 4
2031 It goes away if you don't touch your face. 1.3494 0.06949 83 61 15 7
2032 Evacuate the next block a week from Tuesday 1.3494 0.06283 83 58 21 4
2033 I don't think we can blame climate change for this one. 1.3494 0.06949 83 61 15 7
2034 General. It’s time to call in the French. 1.3494 0.06734 83 60 17 6
2035 This would never have happened in Salt Lake City 1.3492 0.07559 63 45 14 4
2036 Seems a little sluggish to me 1.3492 0.06848 63 43 18 2
2037 You'll need to order extra garlic butter. 1.3491 0.05694 106 75 25 6
2038 Well, at least we can outrun this one. 1.3491 0.05534 106 74 27 5
2039 Do you have a saucer big enough to hold 2,000 gallons of beer? 1.3488 0.05910 86 59 24 3
2040 Wait... I think it’s slowing down 1.3488 0.06137 86 60 22 4
2041 Escargot for all! 1.3488 0.05910 86 61 21 4
2042 At least the chaos and destruction is happening at HIS pace. 1.3488 0.06356 86 63 17 6
2043 This may be the second biggest slime bag I’ve seen leaving Epstein’s Barr. 1.3488 0.06972 86 64 14 8
2044 I've never seen such disregard for alternate side parking. 1.3486 0.05587 109 77 26 6
2045 Flame throwers in position sir. The garlic and butter will be here in minutes 1.3485 0.07320 66 47 15 4
2046 You're going to need a lot more butter. 1.3485 0.06994 66 46 17 3
2047 Here comes the new mail trucks! 1.3485 0.06994 66 46 17 3
2048 If you look through the other end it’s kind of cute. 1.3485 0.06652 66 45 19 2
2049 I think we'll catch him. 1.3483 0.05784 89 61 25 3
2050 Sure, he's big, but you have to also be quick to make it in this city! 1.3483 0.06210 89 63 21 5
2051 If you don't do something now, it will reach here in 3 days. 1.3483 0.06210 89 63 21 5
2052 It's an interesting strategy, General. But we just don't have that much garlic and butter on hand. 1.3482 0.05338 112 78 29 5
2053 I’m shocked to see one. I thought the internet had wiped out the snail male. ” 1.3478 0.05665 92 63 26 3
2054 I think he's angry about the mail. 1.3478 0.06072 92 65 22 5
2055 ‘We’re filling the East river with garlic and butter, sir’ 1.3478 0.07394 69 50 14 5
2056 Yes sir, I believe we have enough time to evacuate the city. 1.3478 0.06266 92 66 20 6
2057 There is a rise in using slugs on parking meters 1.3478 0.06266 92 66 20 6
2058 The U.S. Mail's response simply is not working, General Postmaster. 1.3478 0.06793 69 48 18 3
2059 Esgarzilla- only smashing French restaurants 1.3478 0.06266 92 66 20 6
2060 It looks like the COVID vaccine but it may be a Trojan horse. 1.3478 0.07394 69 50 14 5
2061 Yes I know he should have never gotten out of the lab; but he fattened up from all those alligators in the sewers. 1.3478 0.06793 69 48 18 3
2062 We're gonna need a lot of garlic, parsley, shallots and butter! 1.3478 0.06266 92 66 20 6
2063 That's no balloon and today isn't Thanksgiving. 1.3478 0.06793 69 48 18 3
2064 General, mobilize the jumbo saltshaker. 1.3478 0.07100 69 49 16 4
2065 I'd worry more about cleaning up the slime than the destruction. 1.3478 0.06266 92 66 20 6
2066 Mating him with The Guggenheim seems not to have worked out! 1.3478 0.06072 92 65 22 5
2067 I know you're sleeping with my wife, Phillip. 1.3478 0.07950 69 52 10 7
2068 I told them to salt the roads but they didn't listen. 1.3478 0.06454 92 67 18 7
2069 I recommend at least ten tank trucks of garlic butter. 1.3474 0.06128 95 68 21 6
2070 It’s time French restaurants revise their menus. 1.3474 0.06128 95 68 21 6
2071 Yeah,that’s Frank 1.3474 0.06654 95 71 15 9
2072 We only have seven months to stop him from reaching that taxi cab 1.3474 0.05943 95 67 23 5
2073 We better work fast. In less than 20 years, he could devour the whole East Side. 1.3474 0.05553 95 65 27 3
2074 If we don’t act now it’ll have the city destroyed in 8 to 10 weeks! 1.3474 0.05751 95 66 25 4
2075 You’re going to need every shaker of salt in the metropolitan area. 1.3472 0.07175 72 52 15 5
2076 Hey Ali, you're saying this is the new hybrid S-Car? Yeah Frank, you should see this S-Car go! 1.3472 0.07443 72 53 13 6
2077 So much for outdoor dining. 1.3472 0.05650 72 49 22 1
2078 I have the Morton Salt Girl on line 1." 1.3472 0.06897 72 51 17 4
2079 Something this way slowly comes. 1.3469 0.05447 98 67 28 3
2080 Do something...it’ll be here in a week! 1.3469 0.06171 98 71 20 7
2081 The public will be shell-shocked—eventually. 1.3467 0.06436 75 52 20 3
2082 Midtown's shell shocked. 1.3467 0.07227 75 55 14 6
2083 Can you see the giant snail now or do you need to look through the Hubble Telescope? 1.3467 0.07227 75 55 14 6
2084 A giant snail? I still don’t see it. 1.3467 0.06973 75 54 16 5
2085 Sir, I think you should know... this is all Brad's fault. 1.3467 0.07227 75 55 14 6
2086 Well, relative to its size, I’d still call that a snail’s pace. 1.3467 0.06436 75 52 20 3
2087 Alert the French embassy. 1.3462 0.05760 104 74 24 6
2088 Well, that puts the Trump years into perspective. 1.3462 0.05760 104 77 21 6
2089 I don’t think the third shot was a good idea. 1.3462 0.06536 78 55 19 4
2090 Offhand, I'd say traffic has slowed to a snail's pace. 1.3462 0.06276 78 54 21 3
2091 I guess this means alternate side of the street parking rules are suspended until the weekend. 1.3462 0.06536 78 55 19 4
2092 Given the speed it’s crossed town, it MUST be studied! 1.3462 0.06786 78 56 17 5
2093 Sir, turn around your binoculars... 1.3462 0.07486 78 59 11 8
2094 Does he look like he's slowing down? 1.3462 0.06536 78 55 19 4
2095 Pre-heat the oven at 35,000 degrees." 1.3462 0.06786 78 56 17 5
2096 Oy, looks like progress a’comin’... 1.3462 0.06536 78 55 19 4
2097 If you think that’s scary, wait ‘til you see the slime trail. 1.3462 0.05760 104 74 24 6
2098 Uh officer, the binoculars seem ridiculously unnecessary. 1.3462 0.07027 78 57 15 6
2099 This is going to be a while 1.3458 0.05954 107 78 21 8
2100 Sir, there’s never been a better time than now to use the hot butter gun. 1.3457 0.06373 81 57 20 4
2101 We think it came from a nuclear reactor accident next to a French restaurant. 1.3457 0.06840 81 59 16 6
2102 General, we've only got two weeks to keep that thing from destroying half the block. 1.3457 0.06126 81 56 22 3
2103 Of course, we havn't completed testing yet but already we can see potential. 1.3457 0.06611 81 58 18 5
2104 Giuliani's not looking so good. 1.3457 0.06840 81 59 16 6
2105 Rethinking your funding decision on my Giant Salt-o-matic? 1.3457 0.06840 81 59 16 6
2106 ‚good things come to those who wait‘ 1.3457 0.06373 81 57 20 4
2107 Don’t worry, sir, he can’t destroy the city faster than the government can 1.3457 0.06840 81 59 16 6
2108 No doubt about it, that’s a Trumposaurus Rex! 1.3455 0.06118 110 82 18 10
2109 Should we get the salt? 1.3452 0.06222 84 59 21 4
2110 See? He's not wearing a mask. Now go arrest him! 1.3452 0.06667 84 61 17 6
2111 Trump's final appeal for attention, sending his tax records by snail mail. 1.3452 0.06879 84 62 15 7
2112 If my calculations are correct, we have about 9 years to evacuate the city. 1.3452 0.06667 84 61 17 6
2113 You asked for a representation of a slow moving disaster ... 1.3452 0.06667 84 61 17 6
2114 It's an acquired taste. 1.3452 0.05742 84 57 25 2
2115 It’s a post-modern collaboration between gehry the architect and gary the snail 1.3452 0.07084 84 63 13 8
2116 Thar she slows. 1.3448 0.06504 87 63 18 6
2117 The Morton Salt Man is on his way... 1.3448 0.07094 87 66 12 9
2118 Do you really need those binoculars to see that thing? 1.3448 0.05757 116 85 22 9
2119 This is a direct result, General, of closing all of the fine dining restaurants at once. 1.3448 0.05623 87 59 26 2
2120 We'll follow the slime trail back to the shell corporation that started all this. 1.3448 0.06707 87 64 16 7
2121 What I said was, “You’ll all be vaccinated as soon as available.” Not, “You’ll all be decimated by a huge ass snail, people.” 1.3448 0.06296 87 65 16 6
2122 Frankly, I'm not surprised. We knew he was headed this way decades ago! 1.3444 0.05946 90 63 23 4
2123 Yes, we can kill it, but without more garlic and butter it just doesn't make sense. 1.3444 0.05279 90 60 29 1
2124 It's another mutation we think is linked to the pace of vaccination rollout. 1.3444 0.06352 90 65 19 6
2125 I say shell him 1.3444 0.05733 90 62 25 3
2126 Don't worry. It's just a snail space. 1.3444 0.05733 90 62 25 3
2127 We saw him approaching the city one month ago 1.3444 0.06352 90 65 19 6
2128 Jacques Pepin is on his way, he stopped to get more butter garlic. 1.3443 0.07712 61 44 13 4
2129 Getting a closer look, I can tell you there's a giant snail destroying the city. 1.3443 0.06564 61 41 19 1
2130 Looks like all the backed-up snail-mail that Louis DeJoy had been holding back finally arrived! 1.3441 0.06018 93 66 22 5
2131 Bosworth, we'll have to completely rethink the term, 'Traffic is moving at a snail's pace.' 1.3441 0.05616 93 64 26 3
2132 it's ok, he's a little sluggish today 1.3441 0.06018 93 66 22 5
2133 I guess everything really is bigger in Texas. 1.3441 0.06018 93 66 22 5
2134 Damn Macy Day parade - now they're not satisfied with plain balloons 1.3441 0.06018 93 66 22 5
2135 At least we can have the National Guard waiting for him by the time he gets to Forty-Second Street. 1.3441 0.06209 93 67 20 6
2136 Do you want the good news or the slow news? 1.3441 0.06575 93 69 16 8
2137 We've pleaded to Washington for help, but due to political gridlock action is proceeding at...forgive my phrasing... A snail's pace. 1.3441 0.06209 93 67 20 6
2138 At this rate the city will be destroyed by the end of the week!! 1.3441 0.05821 93 65 24 4
2139 It’s destroying the city at a snail’s pace. 1.3438 0.05702 96 67 25 4
2140 It'll be a disaster unless we can do something by next year. 1.3438 0.05892 96 68 23 5
2141 It seems that we're several months away from a cathastrophy 1.3438 0.08398 64 49 8 7
2142 A little to your left. 1.3438 0.08097 64 48 10 6
2143 Did you ever hear of the Trojan Horse? 1.3438 0.07460 64 46 14 4
2144 I called out the street salting unit, but it just made him move faster. 1.3434 0.06119 99 72 20 7
2145 We’re gonna need a bigger tub of garlic butter. 1.3434 0.05591 99 69 26 4
2146 Sure, we can treat the mucus, but that doesn’t address the underlying cause. 1.3434 0.05591 99 69 26 4
2147 I'm sure we can trace it to its bioweapons lab origin in China by following the slime trail. 1.3434 0.06119 99 72 20 7
2148 You'll feel better if you look through the other end. 1.3433 0.06573 67 46 19 2
2149 In Paris they're celebrating. 1.3433 0.07228 67 48 15 4
2150 ...and in five years the city will be destroyed. 1.3433 0.07535 67 49 13 5
2151 Salt or beer--either way it's murder. 1.3433 0.07228 67 48 15 4
2152 You were wrong. The patient doesn’t seem sluggish. He’s just coming out of his shell. 1.3433 0.07535 67 49 13 5
2153 I’m sure it will just be a few weeks, at most. 1.3431 0.05659 102 72 25 5
2154 Vaccine roll out’s going pretty well. 1.3431 0.05992 102 74 21 7
2155 Sir, it’s safe to say that Operation Escargrow is a resounding success. 1.3431 0.06460 102 77 15 10
2156 You’re right. He does look a bit cross eyed. 1.3431 0.05992 102 74 21 7
2157 Thank god it's moving at a snail's pace. 1.3429 0.07305 70 51 14 5
2158 The snail I'm looking for has green eyes. 1.3429 0.07015 70 50 16 4
2159 At the rate it's moving we only have 2-3 years tops before the entire city is leveled. 1.3429 0.06714 70 49 18 3
2160 I hope this won’t affect our funding. 1.3429 0.06026 105 77 20 8
2161 I think it is the Post Office new mascot 1.3429 0.07305 70 51 14 5
2162 Get Spongebob on the phone, Garrett is on the lose again. 1.3425 0.07356 73 54 13 6
2163 Actually, it was like this before he got here. 1.3425 0.06819 73 52 17 4
2164 General, sauteed butter and garlic is the only cure. 1.3425 0.07092 73 53 15 5
2165 Frankly, we should have known “The Big Apple” would attract equally large mollusks. 1.3425 0.07092 73 53 15 5
2166 No, sir, you’re just looking through the wrong end. 1.3425 0.07356 73 54 13 6
2167 Are those MAILBAGS?! 1.3425 0.06534 73 51 19 3
2168 It doesn't matter whether we use Kosher or regular! What's important is that we act relatively soon! 1.3425 0.06534 73 51 19 3
2169 On the upside, free escargot 1.3425 0.07092 73 53 15 5
2170 This might be a job for the French army, sir 1.3425 0.06819 73 52 17 4
2171 At least it's slow moving " 1.3421 0.06896 76 55 16 5
2172 How long do you reckon we have? Weeks? 1.3421 0.06637 76 54 18 4
2173 You're not thinking of slugging it out? 1.3421 0.07146 76 56 14 6
2174 ‘’When they said there was a mutant variant, I thought they were joking!” 1.3421 0.06896 76 55 16 5
2175 Doctor, based on the trail alone, I'd prescribe Mucinex. 1.3421 0.07146 76 56 14 6
2176 I mean, we really should have been able to see THIS coming. 1.3421 0.07146 76 56 14 6
2177 He will never make it past the salt works 1.3421 0.07146 76 56 14 6
2178 Traffic is moving at a snail's pace. 1.3421 0.05953 114 85 19 10
2179 On a one way-really? 1.3421 0.06637 76 54 18 4
2180 OK, I think we can skip talking about the elephant in the room. 1.3421 0.06637 76 54 18 4
2181 Just think of it as genetically modified escargot. 1.3421 0.06367 76 53 20 3
2182 Now do you see why we couldnt ratify the SALT Treaty? 1.3421 0.06637 76 57 15 4
2183 Looks like it's time to tap into the strategic salt reserves 1.3421 0.06367 76 53 20 3
2184 We can kill him with salt, but the slime trail, I’m afraid, is permanent. 1.3421 0.06896 76 55 16 5
2185 You’re the doorman, DO something! 1.3421 0.07387 76 57 12 7
2186 He's heading to Yankee Stadium for opening day. 1.3421 0.07621 76 58 10 8
2187 This is going to slow us down" 1.3421 0.06637 76 54 18 4
2188 : As your ophthalmologist, I recommend an immediate update to your prescription. 1.3421 0.06896 76 55 16 5
2189 He’s a bit slimey, but at least he brought his own room. 1.3421 0.05789 76 51 24 1
2190 This new variant could cause trouble. 1.3418 0.05944 79 54 23 2
2191 It got here faster than we expected. 1.3418 0.06713 79 57 17 5
2192 We think it might be susceptible to bombs containing garlic and parsley butter. 1.3418 0.06467 79 56 19 4
2193 It's the Post Office's latest dumb idea. 1.3418 0.06467 79 56 19 4
2194 Sir, the garlic and butter missiles are armed and ready. 1.3418 0.06211 79 55 21 3
2195 Well, thankfully, it is moving sluggishly. 1.3418 0.06951 79 58 15 6
2196 Oh, Man! That's going to leave a disgusting trail of destruction! 1.3418 0.06467 79 56 19 4
2197 What do you mean you didn't see this coming? It's been here for 3 weeks. 1.3418 0.06951 79 58 15 6
2198 DON’T PANIC! IT’S ONLY THE FIRST SHIPMENT OF TRUMP’S COVID-19 VACCINE! 1.3418 0.06951 79 58 15 6
2199 I don’t think any of the vaccines will work on this one, sir. 1.3418 0.06951 79 58 15 6
2200 FOUR yards per hour? Yikes. He's picking up speed. 1.3415 0.05812 82 56 24 2
2201 We think we can kill it, but we'll need some really large prongs and a whole lot of melted butter. 1.3415 0.05812 82 56 24 2
2202 It's evolved to match the pace of big government's response to a public safety crisis. 1.3415 0.06989 82 61 14 7
2203 All we need is a flame-thrower and some salt, garlic and butter. 1.3415 0.05812 82 56 24 2
2204 Russia's vaccine seems to have some unique side effects. 1.3415 0.06989 82 61 14 7
2205 Not to worry, the French are sending one of their best chefs, with lots of experience preparing escargot 1.3415 0.06770 82 60 16 6
2206 Need an Optometrist? 1.3412 0.06385 85 61 19 5
2207 Yes, salt... But is there time? 1.3412 0.06161 85 60 21 4
2208 I told you the vaccine would change your DNA. 1.3412 0.06161 85 60 21 4
2209 Yes, we gave him a shot of salt, but doesn't get the second one for another three weeks. 1.3409 0.06236 88 63 20 5
2210 Even the police will get here before it reaches the cab car. 1.3409 0.06642 88 65 16 7
2211 It's moving fairly slowly now, Sir, but my theory is that if we can destroy it's shell, it will become even more sluggish. 1.3409 0.06642 88 65 16 7
2212 The end is coming...slowly 1.3409 0.06236 88 63 20 5
2213 You're gonna need a bigger saucer of garlic butter. 1.3409 0.05572 88 60 26 2
2214 Unfortunately, due to climate change, these kind of events will become much more frequent and much more extreme. 1.3409 0.06023 88 62 22 4
2215 We’ve requested reinforcements from Le Cordon Bleu and are sourcing increased butter capacity. 1.3409 0.06023 88 62 22 4
2216 Don't worry - it's just the binoculars. 1.3407 0.06096 91 65 21 5
2217 I recommend a full frontal salt. 1.3407 0.06851 91 69 13 9
2218 It is indeed shocking. They are usually night feeders... 1.3407 0.06096 91 65 21 5
2219 You’re right, doctor! He does have an inexplicable and rather concerning, angry look about him. 1.3407 0.05893 91 64 23 4
2220 Wow. History's first Postmaster General. 1.3407 0.06294 91 66 19 6
2221 Please, please Mr. Postman, look and see If there's a letter, a letter for me. 1.3407 0.06294 91 66 19 6
2222 Well, we definitely saw it coming 1.3407 0.05893 91 64 23 4
2223 Knowing it has blue eyes doesn’t really help us, John. 1.3404 0.05965 94 67 22 5
2224 Told you we should’ve paid for overnight shipping 1.3404 0.06515 94 70 16 8
2225 Snailmageddon 1.3404 0.05141 94 67 24 3
2226 Maybe it is the size that counts. 1.3404 0.06857 94 72 12 10
2227 I also changed its DNA to display my initials on the left side of its face when it's angry, see it? 1.3404 0.06154 94 68 20 6
2228 Its scientific name is Big-Ass Snail. 1.3404 0.06154 94 68 20 6
2229 The shrink-ray was supposed to be set to less cargo, not in reverse to escargot! 1.3402 0.06369 97 72 17 8
2230 First we deregulated GMOs, then McDonalds decided to add escargot to their menu. 1.3402 0.06198 97 71 19 7
2231 Yeah, the snail is actually to the left, you pervert. 1.3402 0.06535 97 73 15 9
2232 Escargot? We gotta go! 1.3402 0.06022 97 70 21 6
2233 The government found a faster way to transport the vaccine 💉 1.3402 0.06369 97 72 17 8
2234 Did we remember to salt the roads? 1.3400 0.05898 100 72 22 6
2235 He was calm until they ordered the Rosé. 1.3400 0.05898 100 72 22 6
2236 What do you mean we’re not prepared, we’ve known he’s been on his way for weeks! 1.3400 0.06067 100 73 20 7
2237 Oh my God, he's not even wearing a mask! 1.3398 0.05943 103 75 21 7
2238 Thanks doc, I can even see that tiny snail across the street. 1.3390 0.05923 118 89 18 11
2239 Please call off the strike force, and just bring in a salt-truck. 1.3390 0.05923 118 89 18 11
2240 I thought he was staying at Maralago! 1.3390 0.08237 59 44 10 5
2241 King Kong was on call out to Houston, so... 1.3387 0.07607 62 45 13 4
2242 It's a snail. You don't need binoculars. 1.3387 0.08273 62 47 9 6
2243 Call Fauci? 1.3387 0.08273 62 47 9 6
2244 The new mascot for the U.S. Postal Service has arrived. 1.3382 0.07440 68 50 13 5
2245 This slow food trend is about to make headlines 1.3382 0.07440 68 50 13 5
2246 If you use the wrong end of the binoculars, it doesn’t look so menacing. 1.3382 0.06825 68 48 17 3
2247 It wasn't exactly a surprise captain. 1.3382 0.07440 68 50 13 5
2248 You'll need to back up about four miles to see what you're dealing with. 1.3382 0.07730 68 51 11 6
2249 Don’t kill it. Maybe it‘ll eat the monkey... 1.3382 0.07440 68 50 13 5
2250 Another spineless attack on our city. 1.3380 0.07217 71 52 14 5
2251 We couldn't afford Godzilla's rates. 1.3380 0.06636 71 50 18 3
2252 Don't panic, Chief. There's a beer garden around the corner. 1.3380 0.07217 71 52 14 5
2253 Wait till you see the oysters. 1.3380 0.07491 71 53 12 6
2254 Dammit, Officer. That's not dangerous, it's delicious. 1.3380 0.06636 71 50 18 3
2255 Time for a full on a-salt 1.3380 0.07755 71 54 10 7
2256 Have you considered putting him in charge of vaccine distribution? 1.3380 0.07217 71 52 14 5
2257 We may not be able to stop him, but I think we should be able to slow him down. 1.3380 0.06326 71 49 20 2
2258 Officer, we simply had to make room in our lab for the vaccine development. 1.3380 0.07491 71 53 12 6
2259 It’s going to require a lot of garlic. 1.3378 0.06168 74 51 21 2
2260 Yes, I'm sure it's not a slug. 1.3378 0.06168 74 51 21 2
2261 If we don't act now, tomorrow will probably be fine. 1.3378 0.06742 74 53 17 4
2262 All you said was "Find a way to slow him down". 1.3378 0.06462 74 52 19 3
2263 Slow Food takes New York City by storm! 1.3378 0.06742 74 53 17 4
2264 That thing is slugging it out with Lower Manhattan! 1.3378 0.07011 74 54 15 5
2265 How much salt do you think we are going to need? 1.3378 0.06462 74 52 19 3
2266 Even at a snail's pace, he'll be in Jersey by dusk! 1.3378 0.06462 74 52 19 3
2267 I guess tonight's party is cancelled 1.3378 0.06742 74 53 17 4
2268 I like to think of it as a wannabe for the Thanksgiving day parade. 1.3377 0.06299 77 54 20 3
2269 At least with this guy, they'll have time to mobilize the National Guard! 1.3377 0.06299 77 54 20 3
2270 Quick - pass me the salt 1.3377 0.06565 77 55 18 4
2271 It will just go away by Spring, slowly. 1.3377 0.06820 77 56 16 5
2272 We think if all of the micro breweries pitch in we can drown it in the Central Park Fountain. 1.3377 0.07066 77 57 14 6
2273 If we sprinkle some eggshells along Fifth Ave., that should do the trick. 1.3377 0.06565 77 55 18 4
2274 Do you think we should call animal control? 1.3377 0.06565 77 55 18 4
2275 Sir, we've tried everything else. It's time to call Rick Moranis. 1.3377 0.06820 77 56 16 5
2276 So THAT’S what happens if you throw sugar at them instead of salt! 1.3377 0.06565 77 55 18 4
2277 Flake salt’ll work best 1.3377 0.06565 77 55 18 4
2278 To be fair, no one ASKED us to check whether the vaccine would turn people into terrifying monsters. 1.3377 0.06820 77 56 16 5
2279 Snails are still known today to be extremely determined and patient creatures. This one is probably 2 or 3 thousand years old. And evidently a bit cranky. 1.3375 0.06400 80 57 19 4
2280 This snail is definitely ANTIFA. 1.3375 0.06400 80 57 19 4
2281 Yes, it will destroy the city, but it’ll take 20 years. 1.3375 0.05610 80 54 25 1
2282 We predict he’ll run out of steam in Salt Lake City. 1.3375 0.07103 80 60 13 7
2283 Nelson, we’re going to need a bigger shaker. 1.3375 0.07103 80 60 13 7
2284 And just in case the military cannot make it, how much butter and garlic do we have? 1.3375 0.06643 80 58 17 5
2285 He's getting bigger, but I still can't tell if he's moving. 1.3375 0.06877 80 59 15 6
2286 It was either this or giant frog legs. 1.3373 0.06006 83 58 22 3
2287 Who ordered the escargot? 1.3373 0.06006 83 58 22 3
2288 Sorry, sir, we used all the salt to fight the polar vortex. 1.3373 0.05757 83 57 24 2
2289 This is going to be a slow death 1.3373 0.06246 83 59 20 4
2290 It's a bit late for the Macy's parade. 1.3373 0.06477 83 60 18 5
2291 You're right, he does have a couple cavities. 1.3373 0.06700 83 61 16 6
2292 I prefer the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man myself. 1.3373 0.06246 83 59 20 4
2293 We still have time to finish our game of Risk.. 1.3373 0.06246 83 62 16 5
2294 The Guggenheim, it’s alive! 1.3373 0.06916 83 62 14 7
2295 Oh no, escargot 1.3373 0.06700 83 61 16 6
2296 I still say kong would win. 1.3372 0.05636 86 59 25 2
2297 We're going to need a bigger pan! 1.3371 0.06381 89 65 18 6
2298 A long time coming. 1.3371 0.05967 89 63 22 4
2299 Try screaming "Escar Go!" 1.3371 0.06578 89 66 16 7
2300 We must pray, General, that it doesn’t have diarrhea! 1.3371 0.06381 89 65 18 6
2301 We don't need the military. Salt will do. 1.3371 0.05039 89 66 20 3
2302 You thought 2020 was bad. 1.3371 0.06381 89 65 18 6
2303 Why do tourists always have to walk so slowly? 1.3371 0.06177 89 64 20 5
2304 There’s no way you didn’t see this coming 1.3371 0.06578 89 66 16 7
2305 My, the severity of these new Covid variants are really escalating. 1.3371 0.06769 89 67 14 8
2306 Good news, I think he's finally getting sluggish. 1.3370 0.06041 92 66 21 5
2307 He’s tired of the snail’s pace jokes! 1.3370 0.06041 92 66 21 5
2308 At least there’s plenty of time to run away. 1.3370 0.05840 92 65 23 4
2309 I really thought we'd have more time to prepare! 1.3368 0.05521 95 66 26 3
2310 Ever since King Kong and Godzilla, every animal with radiation thinks they have what it takes to be a star 1.3368 0.06099 95 69 20 6
2311 It seems like all the delayed packages have morphed together into one giant snail mail 1.3367 0.06144 98 72 19 7
2312 I hear the postal service hired him to speed up mail delivery. 1.3367 0.06478 98 74 15 9
2313 Looks like a Trump supporter to me. 1.3367 0.05219 98 71 23 4
2314 Can we go back to COVID? 1.3367 0.06144 98 72 19 7
2315 I told him to take 2 with food... 1.3367 0.05792 98 70 23 5
2316 As I see it at this pace we only about three weeks to evacuate. 1.3366 0.06016 101 74 20 7
2317 If you turn the binoculars around...he looks really far away...so no worries? 1.3366 0.05677 101 72 24 5
2318 Rushing to a solution would be catastrophic. 1.3366 0.06016 101 74 20 7
2319 First we need to flatten the curve. 1.3365 0.05734 104 75 23 6
2320 We only have 720 minutes before that thing takes out the entire building. 1.3365 0.05734 104 75 23 6
2321 We’re going to need more salt. 1.3364 0.05625 107 77 24 6
2322 As you see, the vaccine rollout is a monstrous effort moving at a snail's pace. 1.3364 0.05671 110 80 23 7
2323 Technically this is part of bad stuff that occurred in 2020. 1.3333 0.05275 102 71 28 3
2324 The good news is that nobody in Midtown has noticed any difference. 1.3333 0.06471 87 64 17 6
2325 He's headed for the brewery. 1.3333 0.05702 84 58 24 2
2326 We should probably flee in panic within a week or two. 1.3333 0.05556 81 55 25 1
2327 Bout a ton of salt should do it 1.3333 0.05583 93 68 21 4
2328 We're powerless without garlic and butter. 1.3333 0.07401 72 54 12 6
2329 Hold on just one sec... OK, yes, he just moved. 1.3333 0.06743 69 49 17 3
2330 We should issue evacuation orders for sometime next week. 1.3333 0.07390 60 43 14 3
2331 It is going to be here for a while 1.3333 0.06321 90 66 18 6
2332 Of course he seems large to you! You’re using binoculars. 1.3333 0.06560 72 51 18 3
2333 OK, we’ll go with slow moving emergency 1.3333 0.05444 84 57 26 1
2334 On the plus-side, it is moving at a snail's pace. 1.3333 0.06391 75 53 19 3
2335 We need to leisurely evacuate the city with no urgency whatsoever. 1.3333 0.06596 66 46 18 2
2336 What do you think, Captain? Two sequels? Three? 1.3333 0.06743 69 51 14 4
2337 Take your time General, we've two days to get out of it's way." 1.3333 0.07348 69 51 13 5
2338 You like escargot? 1.3333 0.05237 114 81 28 5
2339 Well, at least we won't have to run to escape it. 1.3333 0.06120 90 65 20 5
2340 Retractable eyestalks or not, this is clearly a land snail.” 1.3333 0.05788 93 66 23 4
2341 Remember that Amazon delivery prototype 3 years ago? 1.3333 0.06233 78 55 20 3
2342 Captain, I think we better saunter our way out of here! 1.3333 0.06596 66 46 18 2
2343 We could always blame it on Wuhan. 1.3333 0.06255 72 50 20 2
2344 Captain! I ran the numbers, and it seems The Great White Snail symbolizes your low testosterone. 1.3333 0.07244 81 62 11 8
2345 I know what you're thinking, it would take a hecka of a lot of butter. 1.3333 0.06495 78 56 18 4
2346 We only have a matter of months! 1.3333 0.06391 75 53 19 3
2347 We'll need a lot of garlic butter. 1.3333 0.05581 108 78 24 6
2348 He escaped from the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. 1.3333 0.06667 75 54 17 4
2349 Pass the salt. 1.3333 0.05861 96 69 22 5
2350 General, any sign of the giant salt shaker yet? 1.3333 0.06261 87 63 19 5
2351 I told you salting the roads would just make him angry. 1.3333 0.07839 63 47 11 5
2352 At least we'll have enough time to evacuate the city. 1.3333 0.06365 93 69 17 7
2353 Avoid the city if at all possible, traffic is moving at a snails pace. 1.3333 0.06746 78 57 16 5
2354 What it does in the privacy of its home is its own business. 1.3333 0.06632 84 62 16 6
2355 On the plus side, as soon as he’s dead he’s gonna feed a LOT of people. 1.3333 0.07583 66 49 12 5
2356 French intelligence recommends sauteing in butter with lots of garlic and minced parsley. 1.3333 0.06391 75 53 19 3
2357 We’re going to need butter, garlic - and a flame thrower. 1.3333 0.07226 57 40 15 2
2358 I keep telling you, it's neither BLM nor MAGA. 1.3333 0.07661 72 55 10 7
2359 Yes, I suppose we could call it “Godsnella”. 1.3333 0.06185 84 60 20 4
2360 I don’t know about you but I think Godzilla was much more effective. 1.3333 0.05960 78 54 22 2
2361 I thought he moved to Florida? 1.3333 0.06989 78 58 14 6
2362 If it keeps going like this, the entire city will be destroyed in 10 years. 1.3333 0.05702 84 58 24 2
2363 He's just delivering the snail mail. 1.3333 0.06044 87 62 21 4
2364 Stop! It's an endangered species! 1.3333 0.06044 87 62 21 4
2365 The good news is that he will probably not make it past La Grenouille. 1.3333 0.08467 63 49 7 7
2366 You know, General, if we find a way to get that shell off of him, it might slow him down. Make him more……sluggish. 1.3333 0.06044 87 62 21 4
2367 Now can you see? It DOES have teeth. 1.3333 0.06515 90 67 16 7
2368 We’ve got time to deal with this, after lunch. 1.3333 0.06667 75 54 17 4
2369 Ted Cruz also left behind his pet snail. He calls her Fluffy. 1.3333 0.06804 81 60 15 6
2370 It’s just a garden-variety monster. 1.3333 0.06471 87 64 17 6
2371 I think this is when I say, "Nature has a way of reminding us of just how small we are." 1.3333 0.07583 66 49 12 5
2372 You have over 8 million New Yorkers, just hand out forks and make sure there is plenty of butter. 1.3333 0.06932 75 55 15 5
2373 That's enough escargot to feed the city for a year. 1.3333 0.06412 84 61 18 5
2374 My guess is that "seven heads and ten horns" was hyperbole. 1.3333 0.06941 66 47 16 3
2375 I'm afraid General, that you can't attack it. it's an endangered species. 1.3333 0.07763 60 44 12 4
2376 Run! Run for your lives! Well, at least casually stroll away from the danger. 1.3333 0.07390 60 43 14 3
2377 We have approximately 36 hours to get more salt. 1.3333 0.06233 78 55 20 3
2378 I stand by my advice to throw away your salt. 1.3333 0.04997 90 70 15 5
2379 Here comes last month's mail. 1.3333 0.07156 63 45 15 3
2380 I warned the boss our experiment on snails was getting too robust 1.3333 0.06596 66 46 18 2
2381 The lab would like to request additional funding. 1.3333 0.06746 78 57 16 5
2382 Trust me,when he gets here tomorrow,you won't be needing those. 1.3333 0.05960 78 54 22 2
2383 Well we can't say the situation developed too quickly, and we couldn't see this coming... 1.3333 0.05912 90 64 22 4
2384 Yup, it’s him. I can see the mark where you injected the experimental growth hormone. 1.3333 0.06185 84 60 20 4
2385 Find a giant Frenchman. 1.3333 0.07647 57 41 13 3
2386 Now I know why they said not to experiment with the sourdough starter after midnight. 1.3333 0.06573 81 59 17 5
2387 The pace of devastation will be...slow. 1.3333 0.05948 84 59 22 3
2388 It’s looking for a gastropub. 1.3333 0.05948 84 62 18 4
2389 Looks like by April,you know,in theory,when it gets a little warmer,it miraculously goes away. 1.3333 0.07027 81 61 13 7
2390 We call him snail male. 1.3333 0.07132 72 53 14 5
2391 I told you not to send it snail mail. 1.3333 0.07027 81 61 13 7
2392 Agility is not the issue here, sir. 1.3333 0.07132 72 53 14 5
2393 I appreciate your concerns. But it's a single dose, can be stored at room temperature in a sock drawer, and can be administered with a PEZ dispenser. 1.3333 0.06746 78 57 16 5
2394 Don't trust it. It could be a Trojan snail. 1.3333 0.07390 60 43 14 3
2395 If only we properly salted the sidewalks 1.3333 0.07156 63 45 15 3
2396 Macy's couldn't get this one off the ground. 1.3333 0.06029 108 81 18 9
2397 Escargot is really quite healthy for you. 1.3333 0.06596 66 48 15 3
2398 Turns out it only just arrived from Fukushima 1.3333 0.05987 93 67 21 5
2399 We can’t, General, all the salt was used on the roads 1.3333 0.07132 72 53 14 5
2400 What's it going to take for us to finally get the hint, the earth doesn't want us here. 1.3333 0.05584 87 60 25 2
2401 When all this is over, why don’t you pop into my office for an eye test. 1.3333 0.07156 63 45 15 3
2402 What scares me most is how conservative news is going to cover this. 1.3333 0.06852 72 52 16 4
2403 General I can confirm we have enough salt to stop this monster 1.3333 0.05340 87 59 27 1
2404 Honestly, it's a nice change of pace. 1.3333 0.05456 102 72 26 4
2405 I think that back molar has to go. 1.3333 0.07226 57 40 15 2
2406 Yeah, over there, behind the giant snail, that’s the Chrysler Building. 1.3333 0.06632 84 62 16 6
2407 And they all said it wouldn’t scale! 1.3333 0.06788 63 44 17 2
2408 We need to a-salt this problem head on. 1.3333 0.06471 87 64 17 6
2409 Wow this thing thing is moving faster than the planning department. 1.3333 0.06091 99 73 19 7
2410 Peaceful protest my ass 1.3333 0.06573 81 59 17 5
2411 At least he’s staying under the speed limit.” 1.3333 0.06667 75 54 17 4
2412 Come April, when the weather gets warmer, that has a very negative effect and it’ll just disappear 1.3333 0.06365 93 69 17 7
2413 Jog for your life! Its Escargodzilla. 1.3333 0.06086 81 57 21 3
2414 They say there’s a Big Snail Virus coming, but don’t worry, it’s a hoax. 1.3333 0.05920 99 72 21 6
2415 The French Gov suggests dropping parsley butter, garlic and shallots bombes. 1.3304 0.05727 112 83 21 8
2416 Bad news. It's resistant to salt. 1.3300 0.05515 100 71 25 4
2417 Snail: “Sorry I’m late for 2020.” 1.3300 0.06039 100 74 19 7
2418 With the new administration,I didn't expect Snail Male to still be a problem. 1.3299 0.05623 97 69 24 4
2419 I warned you that shell corporations could be used for hostile takeovers, but did you listen? 1.3298 0.05104 94 71 19 4
2420 Now, I know what you’re going to to say: We should have seen this coming. 1.3298 0.05534 94 66 25 3
2421 Do you really need those binoculars? 1.3297 0.05859 91 65 22 4
2422 Give it time. This too shall pass. 1.3297 0.06261 91 67 18 6
2423 The next time you decide to feed a stray, you may want to be a little more careful with portion size. 1.3297 0.05859 91 65 22 4
2424 This sluggish economy is eating us alive. 1.3297 0.05859 91 65 22 4
2425 I know, it’s big but we could still try some salt! 1.3297 0.06261 91 70 14 7
2426 Don’t worry, it’s just as scared of you, as you are of it 1.3297 0.06063 91 66 20 5
2427 Don’t worry, the free market system will come up with a solution before it gets here. 1.3295 0.05987 88 63 21 4
2428 Get up there and swab his nose 1.3295 0.06201 88 64 19 5
2429 Well, if it was 2019 I’d be confused. 1.3295 0.06609 88 66 15 7
2430 I tried that, but France wasn't interested. 1.3295 0.05765 88 62 23 3
2431 Our biggest fear is his sticktoitiveness.” 1.3295 0.05987 88 63 21 4
2432 At least we have time to mobilize. 1.3294 0.06565 85 63 16 6
2433 Shell be comin’ around Manhattan when she comes... 1.3294 0.06124 85 61 20 4
2434 It's brought traffic to a crawl. 1.3294 0.05891 85 60 22 3
2435 Hurry up, General, there's not a year to waste! 1.3294 0.06124 85 61 20 4
2436 We have to stop him now or he'll be on top of us next week. 1.3294 0.06124 85 61 20 4
2437 It’s full of all the undelivered snail mail. 1.3294 0.06565 85 63 16 6
2438 God help us, but it looks like he's headed for the molasses factory. 1.3294 0.06565 85 65 13 7
2439 We designed it to clean the streets on Tuesdays only. 1.3294 0.05891 85 60 22 3
2440 I think he's looking for the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. 1.3294 0.06348 85 62 18 5
2441 It started with an accidental spill of radioactive garlic butter. 1.3294 0.06565 85 63 16 6
2442 One word, Sir. Salt 1.3294 0.05648 85 61 21 3
2443 The rampage started when we told him he’s just a vehicle for garlic butter. 1.3294 0.06124 85 61 20 4
2444 There's a three-block long Slip n Slide behind it... 1.3293 0.06505 82 60 17 5
2445 Take a good look. You have plenty of time. 1.3293 0.05770 82 57 23 2
2446 I have good news and bad news, the good news, he moves real slow, the bad news, we are all out of garlic butter. 1.3293 0.06025 82 58 21 3
2447 Must be Antifa. 1.3293 0.06270 82 59 19 4
2448 The French restaurants want to pay its bail. 1.3293 0.06733 82 61 15 6
2449 Caution: Images in binoculars are slower than they appear. 1.3293 0.06270 82 62 15 5
2450 Really, kosher salt , sea salt, whatever -that will do it. - You don’t need a SEAL Team or a SNAIL Team. 1.3291 0.07143 79 60 12 7
2451 I wonder if there's some way to impress on him that if it's revenge he's after, he really ought to be wreaking havoc on Paris. 1.3291 0.06426 79 57 18 4
2452 It's a slow moving threat, like climate change. I say we leave it for the next generation to deal with. 1.3291 0.06912 79 59 14 6
2453 Looks to me like a giant slug 1.3291 0.06674 79 58 16 5
2454 I am an experimental heliciculturist 1.3291 0.04309 79 59 19 1
2455 We have 348 French chefs ready for the take-down 1.3291 0.06674 79 58 16 5
2456 We'll need a lot of salt. 1.3291 0.06426 79 57 18 4
2457 It's Louis DeJoy's new carbon neutral mail delivery system. 1.3291 0.06674 79 58 16 5
2458 WALK AWAY! 1.3291 0.06168 79 56 20 3
2459 Commissioner, did you just say ‘Look at that Ess Car Go? 1.3291 0.06168 79 56 20 3
2460 Sir, I'm the Tesla engineer you called, but I can't help make this S car go. 1.3291 0.07143 79 60 12 7
2461 Ahh, salt him. 1.3289 0.06321 76 54 19 3
2462 Well if you look through them backwards then the scale of this disaster doesn't seem so bad 1.3289 0.06593 76 55 17 4
2463 And those storms just wiped out our road salt supply... 1.3289 0.06854 76 56 15 5
2464 It’s huge! I can’t wait to see how big the lettuce is 1.3289 0.06593 76 55 17 4
2465 I believe it’s a new kind of metaphor for existential dread. 1.3289 0.06854 76 56 15 5
2466 Technically it’s Gastropodzilla. 1.3288 0.06773 73 53 16 4
2467 We've got time 1.3288 0.06773 73 53 16 4
2468 I didn’t see this listed as a vaccine side effect. 1.3288 0.06486 73 52 18 3
2469 I heard a good IPA will solve the problem. 1.3288 0.06773 73 53 16 4
2470 You can't say we didn't see this coming . . . 1.3288 0.07048 73 56 11 6
2471 Just think of it as a lot of escargot. 1.3288 0.06773 73 53 16 4
2472 Why do they always head for the Empire State Building? 1.3288 0.06185 73 51 20 2
2473 did you try saline solution? 1.3288 0.06185 73 51 20 2
2474 It's the French variant. 1.3288 0.07313 73 55 12 6
2475 Look Lower. Its slime is filling the potholes. 1.3288 0.07048 73 54 14 5
2476 The shells she sells are seashells, I’m sure 1.3288 0.07313 73 55 12 6
2477 The Macy’s Thanksgiving day parade really went all out this year. 1.3288 0.06185 73 51 20 2
2478 Under no circumstances is that thing allowed to get to the kale. 1.3286 0.06663 70 50 17 3
2479 We called for this block to be evacuated next month. 1.3286 0.06345 70 49 19 2
2480 By my calculation, we'll need a 12 story pair of tongs and at least 3 tons of butter. 1.3286 0.07538 70 53 11 6
2481 He appears a bit sluggish. 1.3286 0.07258 70 52 13 5
2482 ...also he's not wearing a mask 1.3286 0.07258 70 52 13 5
2483 So what do you think? Helix aspersa or Helix pomatia? 1.3286 0.06009 70 48 21 1
2484 do you really need to count it s teeth? 1.3286 0.05654 70 47 23 0
2485 Are you sure that's a smile? 1.3286 0.06967 70 51 15 4
2486 You know, if you look through the other end, it'll seem much smaller. 1.3286 0.07258 70 52 13 5
2487 I’ll need a whole lot of melted butter and garlic and a really long baguette. 1.3286 0.06663 70 50 17 3
2488 Our reports say there are a lot of annoyed New Yorkers stuck behind it on the sidewalk. 1.3286 0.07258 70 52 13 5
2489 It feels like we had time to prevent this... meh there’s always tomorrow. 1.3286 0.07258 70 52 13 5
2490 Look on the bright side: it’s just the right speed for Congress to handle. 1.3286 0.06663 70 50 17 3
2491 Every time I agree to cover someone's shift.. 1.3284 0.07177 67 49 14 4
2492 Can you imagine what this will do to the price of escargot? 1.3284 0.07177 67 49 14 4
2493 It’s an invasive species. 1.3284 0.07177 67 49 14 4
2494 We’re gonna need a bigger bag of salt. 1.3281 0.07062 64 46 15 3
2495 Can you see him now? 1.3281 0.07062 64 46 15 3
2496 We don’t know how it happened. Once he was a widely respected prosecutor, now he’s one of Trump’s lawyers. 1.3281 0.08047 64 49 9 6
2497 'It's only a snail,' you said. 'It'll take forever to get here,' you said. I quit, Gary. 1.3281 0.06702 64 45 17 2
2498 Ah yes—looks as if the mail has finally arrived. 1.3281 0.06321 64 44 19 1
2499 We’re going to need a salt rifle! 1.3279 0.07654 61 45 12 4
2500 We're gonna need a bigger Instant Pot. 1.3279 0.07654 61 45 12 4
2501 Too late to put this one back in the terrarium. 1.3276 0.07123 58 41 15 2
2502 Like Hemingway said, it happened gradually, then suddenly. 1.3276 0.05015 116 82 30 4
2503 Looks like Sweet Mollusc Malone is back in town. 1.3273 0.05792 110 82 20 8
2504 On the bright side, he cleans as he goes. 1.3273 0.07365 55 39 14 2
2505 Things are slowly getting back to normal 1.3271 0.05439 107 77 25 5
2506 ... the good news is that he won't make it to the end of the block before Winter 1.3267 0.05286 101 71 27 3
2507 It will be okay, he is starting to look sluggish. 1.3267 0.05648 101 73 23 5
2508 It's huge even without the binoculars. 1.3267 0.05988 101 75 19 7
2509 If you can slow it down we can drown it in garlic butter. 1.3265 0.05184 98 70 25 3
2510 I'm pretty sure you've got plenty of time to get away! 1.3265 0.05761 98 71 22 5
2511 Should we call in the Avengers? 1.3263 0.03491 95 77 15 3
2512 Is that the UK Variant? 1.3263 0.06068 95 70 19 6
2513 Look if you can’t read the third line you’ll need glasses. And if you’re hallucinating a giant snail then I mixed up the eye drops again... 1.3263 0.06250 95 71 17 7
2514 I’m telling you: Our best chance is to fill the closest swimming pool with beer. 1.3263 0.06068 95 70 19 6
2515 For God's sake, Frank, just get glasses. 1.3263 0.06250 95 71 17 7
2516 we should call the French embassy... 1.3263 0.05687 95 68 23 4
2517 It's midtown, traffic always moves at a snail's pace. 1.3261 0.05806 92 66 22 4
2518 You should issue the evacuation order now: All Should Walk Slowly... 1.3261 0.06008 92 67 20 5
2519 At this pace, he'll pose a danger in a few years. 1.3261 0.05806 92 66 22 4
2520 Sir, on the bright side it will take him at least 3 weeks to move from 2nd Ave. over to 3rd. 1.3261 0.06203 92 68 18 6
2521 I heard the postal department is responsible. 1.3261 0.06203 92 68 18 6
2522 Captain, we have plenty of time to get it under control. 1.3261 0.05596 92 65 24 3
2523 It’s time to salt the roads, sir. 1.3261 0.05806 92 66 22 4
2524 It's a snail. We have all day. 1.3261 0.06008 92 67 20 5
2525 Well, it looks like traffic is moving at a snail's pace today. 1.3261 0.05806 92 66 22 4
2526 Trafficanus newyorkensis. Large bodied . . . moves at a snail's pace. 1.3261 0.06008 92 67 20 5
2527 I miss the killer hornets 1.3261 0.05596 92 65 24 3
2528 Yeah, it's a problem - but you've got time.... 1.3258 0.05712 89 63 23 3
2529 A snail’s pace” is a relative term, Lieutenant 1.3258 0.06143 89 65 19 5
2530 The good thing is that it really does go as slow as the mail. 1.3258 0.05712 89 63 23 3
2531 I've never seen a snail go backwards before either 1.3258 0.06143 89 65 19 5
2532 Rome may have been built in a day, but it’s going to take a loooong tine to destroy New York 1.3258 0.05931 89 64 21 4
2533 My second opinion? He looks like a slimy character alright. 1.3258 0.05712 89 63 23 3
2534 I think we can pace ourselves. 1.3256 0.06500 86 64 16 6
2535 For God's sake, Harold, is now a good time for a species identification? 1.3256 0.06286 86 66 14 6
2536 Have tried attacking it with melted butter, garlic and parsley? 1.3256 0.06500 86 64 16 6
2537 We will need a lot more garlic and butter. 1.3256 0.06286 86 63 18 5
2538 It's coming at the same pace as the vaccine. 1.3256 0.05834 86 61 22 3
2539 See what happens when everyone uses snail mail? 1.3256 0.06500 86 64 16 6
2540 Godzilla was unavailable to play the part. 1.3253 0.05965 83 59 21 3
2541 He's not even wearing a mask, Officer. 1.3253 0.06663 83 62 15 6
2542 Are the binoculars necessary? 1.3253 0.07090 83 64 11 8
2543 Nope, no mask. 1.3253 0.06880 83 63 13 7
2544 Doc, it must have gained weight during lockdown - now its out for jogging 1.3253 0.06206 83 60 19 4
2545 Can we panic now? 1.3253 0.06206 83 60 19 4
2546 Climate change,Schlimit change. That’s just a big snail! 1.3250 0.06104 80 57 20 3
2547 On the good side, the slime is killing the Covid virus. 1.3250 0.06358 80 58 18 4
2548 This could be catastrophic, sir. On the other hand, it could take a looooooong time. 1.3250 0.06602 80 59 16 5
2549 Doctor, look at that S Car Go! 1.3250 0.06358 80 58 18 4
2550 I heard snail mail was the new thing 1.3247 0.05974 77 54 21 2
2551 Shallots? Where are we going to get that many shallots? 1.3247 0.06253 77 55 19 3
2552 We need a seven year old boy and very large magnifying glass, ASAP! 1.3247 0.07025 77 58 13 6
2553 I guess we have no choice....we have to slug it out 1.3247 0.06778 77 57 15 5
2554 Oh! I thought he wasn’t getting back from Palm Beach until May! 1.3247 0.06778 77 57 15 5
2555 Why do you always wait until after half the city is destroyed before taking my advice? 1.3243 0.06966 74 55 14 5
2556 All you need is a bathtub full of garlic butter. 1.3243 0.05602 111 82 22 7
2557 Is he really a vegan? 1.3243 0.06117 74 52 20 2
2558 More like ‘Escar-nooooo’, am I right? 1.3243 0.06413 74 53 18 3
2559 What the slug is that? 1.3243 0.06966 74 55 14 5
2560 Correct sir, you can see it coming a mile away, it is moving very slow, and it is destroying everything in its path, but I don't think that means it is a Liberal hoax. 1.3243 0.07479 74 57 10 7
2561 Biden can handle this one. 1.3243 0.06695 74 54 16 4
2562 We can only hope to make it to the Garlic Butter District before it catches us. 1.3243 0.06413 74 53 18 3
2563 'Butter and garlic. Lots and lots of butter and garlic.' 1.3241 0.05858 108 81 19 8
2564 It's the rollout of the vaccine 1.3239 0.07445 71 54 11 6
2565 It is big, but I think we still have time to get a sandwich 1.3239 0.06884 71 52 15 4
2566 No-Car-Go 1.3239 0.06272 71 50 19 2
2567 But is it art??? 1.3239 0.06585 71 51 17 3
2568 You were right, you need a stronger prescription. 1.3239 0.06585 71 51 17 3
2569 Well, sir, the technical term is Giant Snail. 1.3239 0.07170 71 53 13 5
2570 I'd estimate he'd need the penthouse plus 6 doubles. 1.3239 0.06585 71 51 17 3
2571 Honestly, you could be right about the slow and steady, but I think we're plenty up close and personal already. 1.3239 0.06585 71 51 17 3
2572 Quick, get me some salt! 1.3239 0.06884 71 52 15 4
2573 Objects in the binoculars are bigger than they appear. 1.3239 0.06585 71 51 17 3
2574 It looks like size matters after all. 1.3239 0.06585 71 51 17 3
2575 I'm afraid Godzilla and King Kong are still self-isolating, so they won't be able to help us... 1.3238 0.04972 105 75 27 3
2576 Creepy, huh? 1.3235 0.06438 68 48 18 2
2577 At this rate it will be here in a month 1.3235 0.06770 68 49 16 3
2578 Yes sir, that's quite true. But at this scale a snail's pace means we really don't have much time. 1.3235 0.06438 68 48 18 2
2579 Stimulus snail finally arrived. 1.3232 0.06062 99 74 18 7
2580 We still have plenty of time before we need to evacuate 1.3232 0.06393 99 76 14 9
2581 We are going to need garlic! Lots and lots of garlic! 1.3232 0.05890 99 73 20 6
2582 If we don’t move, he’ll get us by next week. 1.3232 0.06062 99 74 18 7
2583 Be careful, he's a real slimeball. 1.3231 0.07938 65 50 9 6
2584 Sir, he's going to crush us if we don't get out of here by next Sunday. 1.3231 0.05846 65 44 21 0
2585 What's really huge is that it moves faster than the Lexington Local Subway Line during rush hour. 1.3231 0.07308 65 48 13 4
2586 The Vaccine might have a little side effect, Does it look too obvious? 1.3231 0.07308 65 48 13 4
2587 If He sees his shadow, there'll be 4 more years of Covid. 1.3231 0.06971 65 47 15 3
2588 Don't worry. It will be weeks before he gets here. 1.3229 0.05440 96 68 25 3
2589 The helicopters are ready with the salt, sir. 1.3229 0.05440 96 68 25 3
2590 at this rate, it will destroy the entire block within a month 1.3229 0.05235 96 69 24 3
2591 It’s serious, but it doesn’t warrant tapping into the Strategic Salt Reserve immediately. 1.3226 0.05332 93 65 26 2
2592 Seems more of a butter, garlic and parsley problem. 1.3226 0.06693 93 72 12 9
2593 Can you tell if it's one of theirs or one of ours? 1.3226 0.07548 62 46 12 4
2594 It's clear that our biggest problem is the snail male. 1.3226 0.07548 62 46 12 4
2595 Waaaait fooor iiiit... waaaait fooor iiiit... 1.3226 0.06146 93 69 18 6
2596 Looks like we’re in for a real snail biter. 1.3226 0.07189 62 45 14 3
2597 Oh no!The robin flew away! 1.3226 0.07189 62 45 14 3
2598 You say you can’t see anything. Are you up for re-election or something? 1.3226 0.07548 62 46 12 4
2599 Roger, we have to talk about the elephant in the room.” “Don’t you mean the snail in the street? 1.3226 0.05753 93 67 22 4
2600 I suppose it's an appropriate visual metaphor for climate change. 1.3222 0.05876 90 65 21 4
2601 The new 'snail's pace.' We thought bigger might be faster to help the post office. 1.3222 0.06482 90 68 15 7
2602 We’ll surround it with salt. 1.3222 0.05659 90 64 23 3
2603 Sorry to tell you,this one is sinistral. 1.3220 0.07024 59 42 15 2
2604 I thought I ordered the small escargot. 1.3220 0.07024 59 42 15 2
2605 I can’t make out the license either, but it’s definitely double parked. 1.3220 0.08177 59 45 9 5
2606 I agree, Officer. I think everyone has plenty of time to evacuate. 1.3218 0.06006 87 63 20 4
2607 It wants escargot off the menus. 1.3218 0.06640 87 66 14 7
2608 It's eyes are at the ends of those tentacles. And, they're staring right at us. Fortunately for me, it can't see color. Unfortunately for you, like dogs, they hate men in uniform. 1.3218 0.06436 87 65 16 6
2609 Quick - where's the salt? 1.3218 0.05543 87 61 24 2
2610 Salt. Wer're gonna need salt. 1.3218 0.06224 87 64 18 5
2611 It's what we in the scientific community call a BFS. 1.3218 0.06640 87 66 14 7
2612 If you turn the binoculars around it’s not as bad as it looks 1.3218 0.06224 87 64 18 5
2613 It’s just a minor lab error. 1.3218 0.06640 87 66 14 7
2614 See, it’s a snail not a slug. 1.3214 0.06374 84 62 17 5
2615 I think we can agree, that there's plenty of time to evacuate. 1.3214 0.05658 84 59 23 2
2616 He claims that he has an appointment for his second dose. 1.3214 0.06809 84 64 13 7
2617 Never mind the water main... it’s headed for the botanical garden! 1.3214 0.06144 84 61 19 4
2618 We believe it's headed for Madison Square Garden. 1.3214 0.06374 84 62 17 5
2619 He's running for governor with the tag line "Slime for a Change. 1.3214 0.06595 84 63 15 6
2620 Do you really need the binoculars? It's a GIANT SNAIL! 1.3214 0.07256 56 40 14 2
2621 Quick! Grab a toothpick 1.3214 0.06144 84 61 19 4
2622 I knew dissolving the office of NaCl last year was premature! 1.3214 0.06144 84 61 19 4
2623 I told you we needed the SALT treaty! 1.3210 0.06533 81 60 16 5
2624 My guess is it's the revenge of the USPS against the policies of the last administration 1.3210 0.06292 81 59 18 4
2625 Yes, it's causing a lot of damage, but at least it is doing it slowly. 1.3210 0.06292 81 59 18 4
2626 He is not Godzilla, but he will have to do. 1.3210 0.05781 81 57 22 2
2627 With all due respect sir, it isn't the pace of the disaster that matters. 1.3210 0.06042 81 58 20 3
2628 Remember, the Senator only said it's POSSIBLE this is Antifa disguising itself to make giant mutant snails look bad 1.3210 0.06292 81 59 18 4
2629 Your lens caps are still on. 1.3210 0.06989 81 62 12 7
2630 Sir, I don’t see how this has anything to do with wind turbines. 1.3210 0.06042 81 58 20 3
2631 We’ve sent an urgent request to scramble the fighters and mobilize the national guard, late next week 1.3210 0.06989 81 62 12 7
2632 But just look at it. I mean, how tall can these supertall skyscrapers get anyway? 150 stories? They’re completely changing the skyline and not for the better. It’s just not right, Smith. It’s just not right. 1.3210 0.05781 81 57 22 2
2633 I suppose this was a bad week to defund the police. 1.3210 0.06292 81 59 18 4
2634 It's only a prototype, and it's a giant pepper shaker, but it's all we've got 1.3205 0.06703 78 58 15 5
2635 It's not like it snuck up on us. 1.3205 0.06187 78 56 19 3
2636 After emerging from the lobby of Trump Tower, the new variant terrorized Gotham. 1.3205 0.06947 78 59 13 6
2637 Just another slimy politician moving into the neighborhood. 1.3205 0.06450 78 57 17 4
2638 At least my lab solved the problem of humans accidentally stepping on snails. 1.3205 0.06187 78 56 19 3
2639 You're right, terrifying, but I think we have time for a sandwich. 1.3205 0.06450 78 57 17 4
2640 Captain, I'm afraid your ship has snailed 1.3205 0.06450 78 57 17 4
2641 It's slow and taking up the whole sidewalk. Confirming our suspicion it's a tourist species. 1.3205 0.06703 78 58 15 5
2642 Well, it's COVID time. Of course the city is sluggish. 1.3205 0.06703 78 58 15 5
2643 I'd say we've got about a week. 1.3205 0.06947 78 59 13 6
2644 She’s incensed about the relentless focus on the snail male. 1.3205 0.06450 78 57 17 4
2645 I'm shell-shocked! 1.3205 0.06187 78 56 19 3
2646 Go get ‘em slugger 1.3205 0.06450 78 57 17 4
2647 The good news is I’m pretty sure the screaming masses that are about to come streaming out of buildings will be able to outrun it. 1.3200 0.06886 75 56 14 5
2648 General, I think we need to break out the thermo-nuclear butter and garlic bomb! 1.3200 0.06886 75 56 14 5
2649 My brother is a chef and he would be interested. 1.3200 0.06342 75 54 18 3
2650 For sure it's gonna hit that car by lunchtime 1.3200 0.06620 75 55 16 4
2651 We could feed half of France with that. 1.3200 0.06342 75 54 18 3
2652 It's just the nature of Time in the COVID era.... 1.3200 0.06886 75 56 14 5
2653 I don’t think his “pace” is the issue at the moment. 1.3200 0.06620 75 55 16 4
2654 We've concluded that the only way to stop it is to deploy a giant salt shaker. 1.3200 0.06620 75 55 16 4
2655 ...Does it say Pfizer or Moderna? 1.3200 0.06886 75 56 14 5
2656 Here comes our emergency shipment of covid vaccines. 1.3200 0.06342 75 54 18 3
2657 At least he's taking his time. 1.3196 0.05589 97 70 23 4
2658 Three French chefs are after him 1.3196 0.06311 97 74 15 8
2659 And we will need a lot of butter sauce and chardonnay. 1.3194 0.06802 72 55 12 5
2660 It’s a slow-moving disaster. 1.3194 0.06802 72 53 15 4
2661 You're right, it's a giant snail with a bad attitude. 1.3194 0.06508 72 52 17 3
2662 Want to grab lunch after this? 1.3194 0.07084 72 54 13 5
2663 Lucky for us, New York is an embarrassment of riches when it comes to rock salt. 1.3194 0.07084 72 54 13 5
2664 We don’t have much time, sir...wait, never mind. 1.3194 0.07084 72 54 13 5
2665 How much for a plate of six? 1.3194 0.06802 72 53 15 4
2666 They’re gonna use this as an excuse to shut down the economy again, aren’t they? 1.3194 0.06508 72 52 17 3
2667 Walk!! That's the biggest snail I've ever seen. 1.3191 0.05065 94 65 28 1
2668 By my calculations, we’ve got about a year until it reaches downtown... 1.3191 0.06090 94 70 18 6
2669 Well, I guess after Covid and the coup we were due for something like this. 1.3191 0.05899 94 69 20 5
2670 We warned about the Salt Ban! 1.3191 0.05899 94 69 20 5
2671 No I don't think it's an attack by the French 1.3191 0.05702 94 68 22 4
2672 You wanted farm rasied Escargot. 1.3191 0.05899 94 69 20 5
2673 At least it's not during rush hour. 1.3191 0.06275 94 71 16 7
2674 Looks like USPS really leaned into ‘snail-mail’ this year. 1.3191 0.06090 94 70 18 6
2675 At least it’s faster than traffic 1.3190 0.05137 116 84 27 5
2676 I contacted the people on the next street over. I let them know they only have a week to evacuate. 1.3188 0.06017 69 48 20 1
2677 Yes, they have eyes. I could have told you that. 1.3188 0.06999 69 51 14 4
2678 If you can borrow NASA's laser, then I'll get the butter, shallots, parsley, and lemon. 1.3188 0.06017 69 48 20 1
2679 Who knew the whole East Side could get curbside delivery of escargot? 1.3182 0.06167 66 46 19 1
2680 Yes it's him, you can't see it from here but it has very thin orange hair. 1.3182 0.07832 66 51 9 6
2681 You see..it is much closer than it was last month! 1.3182 0.07213 66 49 13 4
2682 I don't know Jim. When I flip the binoculars it looks pretty small to me. 1.3182 0.07213 66 49 13 4
2683 Based on our psychological profile, it's headed down 51st Street towards Le Bernardin. 1.3182 0.05949 88 64 20 4
2684 We had some experiments in the lab and then, you know, Covid. 1.3182 0.07213 66 49 13 4
2685 Unfortunately,this Winter has decimated our salt reserves 1.3182 0.05949 88 64 20 4
2686 Alert the GOP! Progress is coming and we have to destroy that monster! 1.3182 0.06167 66 46 19 1
2687 This time we have a french problem, not a chinese one! 1.3182 0.07213 66 51 10 5
2688 Get me Gordon Ramsey 1.3182 0.06882 66 48 15 3
2689 Invasion by the French? 1.3176 0.06528 85 64 15 6
2690 If we can get it out of it’s shell, it’ll become more sluggish 1.3176 0.05849 85 61 21 3
2691 Yes, sir, that is a rare mallard, but if you would just look a little to the left... 1.3176 0.05849 85 61 21 3
2692 At this rate, we’ll have to salt the roads year round. 1.3176 0.06528 85 64 15 6
2693 It's eight stories high,why the binoculars? 1.3176 0.06309 85 63 17 5
2694 Haute Cuisine is on the rise again. 1.3176 0.06083 85 62 19 4
2695 Looks like traffic is sluggish again. 1.3176 0.06083 85 62 19 4
2696 Let's just hope we get a new Postmaster General soon. 1.3175 0.07781 63 48 10 5
2697 A common Madison Square Garden snail. 1.3175 0.07781 63 48 10 5
2698 It's the new mail guy. 1.3175 0.07781 63 48 10 5
2699 At least contact tracing should be pretty straight-forward in this case. 1.3175 0.06722 63 45 16 2
2700 It appears that the path of destruction has become marginally longer. 1.3175 0.07093 63 46 14 3
2701 We need to do something now! By nightfall it'll have destroyed everything from here to the corner. 1.3175 0.06722 63 45 16 2
2702 It’s hard to tell whether this one is Pfizer or Moderna... 1.3175 0.08414 63 50 6 7
2703 Look at that S Car goooo—- 1.3173 0.06447 104 82 11 11
2704 I’d recommend the giant salt shaker over the hammer. 1.3173 0.04976 104 73 29 2
2705 Escargot away! 1.3171 0.05723 82 58 22 2
2706 Some good news, General Clark: At this speed, we won't have to evacuate Midtown for another eight months. 1.3171 0.06227 82 60 18 4
2707 We had a lot of warning that this was coming. 1.3171 0.06464 82 61 16 5
2708 It's dangerous alright, but we have time. 1.3171 0.06227 82 60 18 4
2709 Have you tried drizzling garlic butter on it and whacking it with a baguette? 1.3171 0.05723 82 58 22 2
2710 We think we’ve found the source of the GrapeNuts shortage 1.3171 0.05981 82 59 20 3
2711 Deploy the garlic butter sauce, and have the white wine on standby. 1.3171 0.06464 82 61 16 5
2712 The revenge of snail mail 1.3171 0.06464 82 61 16 5
2713 Side effects to the vaccine can be troubling. 1.3167 0.07699 60 45 11 4
2714 I guess we should escargot. 1.3167 0.06506 60 42 17 1
2715 A new variant, but at least it’s slow moving. 1.3167 0.07323 60 44 13 3
2716 We're waiting on a seeing eye giraffe. 1.3167 0.06926 60 43 15 2
2717 Yup. It's a snail. Big one too. 1.3167 0.07323 60 44 13 3
2718 I warned them if they didn't dump DeJoy there'd be trouble. 1.3167 0.07699 60 45 11 4
2719 I wouldn’t worry about making any sudden moves.” 1.3165 0.06630 79 59 15 5
2720 Captain, there is some time to waste - we must evacuate the city eventually! 1.3165 0.06381 79 58 17 4
2721 Tell It the pizza is better in Hoboken. 1.3165 0.07103 79