Contest #739


Cartoon

739

The winning captions

These captions are chosen by The New Yorker.

  1. “Once tax season is over, you can go back to being the only child.”
  2. “When you’re best in show, you can have nice clothes, too.”
  3. “He said you ate his homework.”


Name Value
Submission deadline 2021-01-10T17:40:00.000Z
Voting started -
Voting ended 2021-01-24T17:54:00.000Z
Finalists announced 2021-01-18T17:53:00.000Z
Magazine(s) announcing finalists issued January 25, 2020
Number of captions 6956
Number of responses 949488
Number of participants -


Dashboard

In this table, the "mean" means the empirically measured average funniness score when the "unfunny", "somewhat funny" and "funny" receive a funniness score of 1, 2, 3 respectively. "Precison" is the standard error of the mean, the standard deviation of the mean estimate. With that, a caption with an empirical mean μ and precision σ has true mean in the range [μ - 2σ, μ + 2σ] with 95% probability by the 68-95-99.7 rule assuming the responses are indepedent and identically distributed.

Rank Caption Mean Precision Total votes "Unfunny" votes "Somewhat funny" votes "Funny" votes
0 Of course we wanted a son. But we also wanted unconditional love. 2.1456 0.00662 13477 3146 5223 5108
1 When you've mastered "sit" and "stay" you'll be a Good Boy too 2.0726 0.00977 5949 1490 2537 1922
2 Let's think of a better word to call his mommy. 2.0122 0.00720 13318 4521 4113 4684
3 He may be my best friend, but you will always be the reason mom and I got married. 2.0011 0.00751 11803 3919 3952 3932
4 "You don't need a suit -- you're only seven. He's forty-nine." 1.9848 0.00940 6821 2106 2713 2002
5 He gets dessert because he ate everything on your plate. 1.9844 0.01250 3979 1268 1505 1206
6 Of course you're not a rescue...who would say that to you? 1.9432 0.00789 10246 3578 3672 2996
7 You said you wanted a baby brother... You said you wanted a puppy... Win-win! 1.9394 0.00824 9024 3053 3465 2506
8 Once tax season is over, you can go back to being the only child. 1.9255 0.00776 10597 3806 3774 3017
9 Student of the Year is fine, son, but it isn't Best in Show. 1.9253 0.00804 9880 3549 3520 2811
10 He said you ate his homework. 1.9172 0.00798 10170 3751 3510 2909
11 We’ll miss you Bobby, but the dog is allergic 1.8928 0.00942 7837 3190 2297 2350
12 But it's Andy's turn today and Andy wants to go to the dog park. 1.8841 0.00922 6676 2327 2796 1553
13 He said you bit him first. 1.8607 0.01323 3366 1258 1319 789
14 Because he identifies as a boy and that’s that 1.8543 0.01070 5566 2239 1899 1428
15 Grandma left all her money to little Winston, so we have to be really, really nice to him. 1.8530 0.01063 5395 2099 1990 1306
16 But look how well obedience school worked for him! 1.8524 0.00947 6545 2475 2561 1509
17 He gets to wear his pants backwards because that's where his tail is. 1.8470 0.00969 6841 2801 2286 1754
18 You're a good boy too, Jack 1.8445 0.00896 6720 2416 2933 1371
19 No, you are the little bastard. He is a son of a bitch. 1.8335 0.01022 6668 2970 1838 1860
20 It's only until we board the plane. 1.8238 0.01107 4808 1914 1827 1067
21 Maybe you could use your next wish to change your sister back before Mommy gets home? 1.8070 0.01176 4688 2059 1475 1154
22 Don't be mad. You do kind of look like a fire hydrant. 1.8040 0.01109 5438 2457 1590 1391
23 The joke’s on him, son. He thinks we’re taking him to get tutored. 1.7982 0.01234 4218 1865 1339 1014
24 He's the chick magnet. You want a new mom, don't you? 1.7460 0.01190 4248 1953 1421 874
25 We don't love you any less, it's just that he is already housebroken, has graduated from obedience school, doesn't bite strangers, and comes when called. 1.7449 0.01031 5555 2530 1912 1113
26 Who's a good boy? 1.7367 0.00946 6824 3217 2187 1420
27 He's British - those ARE his play clothes! 1.7176 0.01328 3283 1545 1120 618
28 Okay, who wants to go for a walk? 1.7142 0.00958 6826 3392 1993 1441
29 He's your brother now, and an extra $600 in stimulus money 1.7117 0.01294 3354 1565 1191 598
30 Of course you'll have fun at obedience school. Look what it did for your brother! 1.7091 0.00995 5844 2789 1966 1089
31 I told you if I homeschooled you, Buddy would be teacher's pet. 1.7020 0.01054 5875 3055 1516 1304
32 Your brother identifies as a dog. 1.6936 0.01254 3864 1947 1154 763
33 Trust Me Son, You have Different Mothers. 1.6924 0.01814 1726 837 583 306
34 Well, yes, technically, he is the teacher's pet. 1.6881 0.01241 3710 1834 1205 670
35 It’s ok. I still like you more than the cat. 1.6795 0.01377 2970 1464 994 512
36 Your teacher called. Did you tell her your brother ate your homework again? 1.6789 0.01247 3616 1783 1211 622
37 The sign says dogs must wear a collar. 1.6767 0.01657 2029 999 687 343
38 Don’t worry; what happened to your brother is purely a coincidence. The vaccine is completely safe. 1.6697 0.01583 2543 1369 645 529
39 It's my hand or the leash. Your choice. 1.6693 0.01492 2525 1265 830 430
40 Daddy was asking a rhetorical question, honey. You’re both good boys. 1.6680 0.01301 3325 1670 1089 566
41 I know you have to go, but I only brought one plastic bag. 1.6676 0.01568 2389 1230 723 436
42 And if you’d practiced like I asked you to, we’d be going to YOUR recital. 1.6657 0.01553 2369 1205 751 413
43 Jimmy felt the rage build as his father explained the double standard for why only one of them was a "good boy" for pooping in the yard. 1.6647 0.01750 2019 1076 544 399
44 Don't be jealous, Timmy. If you win a dog show, I'll buy you a suit too. 1.6562 0.01385 2821 1415 961 445
45 We adopted you because he asked for a boy to play with. 1.6546 0.01737 1879 969 590 320
46 It’s not that I love you less, but that he loves me more. 1.6543 0.01561 2300 1179 737 384
47 Sorry, I had a hangover and got confused. I got Fido dressed for school and you got the worm medicine. 1.6529 0.02231 1210 647 336 227
48 "But it doesn't even fit you anymore!" 1.6497 0.01488 2495 1279 811 405
49 You don't have to sniff his. 1.6481 0.01651 2214 1194 605 415
50 Rex self-identifies as a human now, so he says he won't be fetching your ball anymore. 1.6423 0.01638 2091 1094 651 346
51 It's only till we get the $2,000 check. 1.6390 0.03882 374 197 115 62
52 I picked him. You were an accident. 1.6373 0.02416 965 510 295 160
53 I’m sorry, but in dog years he’s technically the older brother. 1.6359 0.01704 1766 891 627 248
54 Well yes, technically he is a son of a bitch, but we don't use that language!" 1.6353 0.01683 1969 1039 609 321
55 He says he'd rather you fetch it. 1.6314 0.01868 1609 857 488 264
56 But you said you'd rather have a puppy than a brother or sister. 1.6176 0.02536 774 397 276 101
57 So, Billy, what tricks can you do? 1.6158 0.01860 1434 737 511 186
58 Max, he’s your age and he acts 7 times older. 1.6149 0.01862 1462 760 505 197
59 I’m sorry, but we only saved enough to send one of you to boarding school. 1.6141 0.01867 1459 761 500 198
60 You see, Johnny, it’s $600 per child. This is your brother now. 1.6115 0.01970 1403 760 428 215
61 We have decided to send Spot to college and you to obedience school 1.6098 0.01999 1366 743 413 210
62 Of course I like him more. He’s potty trained. 1.6066 0.02052 1304 715 387 202
63 I was just kidding. You don’t have to sniff his butt. Just be nice. 1.6065 0.02033 1329 729 394 206
64 You don't have to dress like him. He's a show dog. 1.6064 0.03369 437 228 153 56
65 I want to poop outside too! 1.6056 0.03099 573 315 169 89
66 Don't be silly. Dogs don't wear shoes. 1.6036 0.02524 840 457 259 124
67 He promises not to use his nose during the next game of hide and seek. 1.5998 0.02075 1157 612 396 149
68 If it makes you feel better, you're adopted too. 1.5998 0.02197 1132 626 333 173
69 Look at it this way, you get all the chocolate. 1.5991 0.02149 1100 588 365 147
70 Your school shut down again so I need you to be a very good boy at doggy daycare today. 1.5951 0.02276 1067 598 303 166
71 He's right. It's your turn to fetch. 1.5933 0.02196 1045 562 346 137
72 Because Daddy needs to stay in Grandma's will, tbat's wby. 1.5930 0.02195 1064 577 343 144
73 come on son; you grew out of it, and now it fits him !!!! 1.5917 0.03905 338 184 108 46
74 Mommy and I wanted to give you a baby brother. You said you’d rather have a puppy. I think this a reasonable compromise. 1.5909 0.02219 1034 561 335 138
75 I know you miss your other friends but he is he only one who has gotten his shots. 1.5902 0.02328 959 526 300 133
76 Did you ever think he might be embarrassed to be seen with you? 1.5902 0.02448 854 465 274 115
77 Now, c'mon Dennis -- you got the opposable thumbs... 1.5900 0.02196 1056 574 341 141
78 You’ll have the same privileges as soon as you’re house trained. 1.5899 0.02273 1012 557 313 142
79 When you finish obedience school, I'll buy you a new outfit too. 1.5890 0.02199 1034 558 343 133
80 Now say you’re sorry and lick each other’s faces 1.5887 0.03367 423 224 149 50
81 Of course, you're a good boy, too. 1.5872 0.02288 969 528 313 128
82 Your mother and I believed having you would prepare us for a dog. 1.5855 0.02445 936 536 252 148
83 We rescued him from a prep school . 1.5848 0.02406 920 515 272 133
84 You call him “brother,” not, “rescue-brother.” 1.5824 0.02310 934 509 306 119
85 Mr. Buttons promises he won't sniff you there again. 1.5811 0.02404 962 553 259 150
86 We can't all have tails. Remember, you have thumbs. 1.5786 0.02854 636 355 194 87
87 Your brother says he didn't eat your homework. 1.5783 0.02442 894 506 259 129
88 He's a rescue. From the Upper East Side. 1.5783 0.02534 811 454 245 112
89 When your Instagram gets 1 million followers then we will take pictures of you, but for now we work for Nigel because it pays the bills. 1.5766 0.02544 822 466 238 118
90 Look at it this way. You wanted a little brother. You wanted a puppy. Be happy, now you have both. 1.5657 0.02442 799 439 268 92
91 Second-best friend is nothing to be ashamed of, son. 1.5656 0.02550 778 439 238 101
92 It's an extra $600 per child and that's why he's your brother now. 1.5634 0.02584 765 435 229 101
93 Now, you behave or we'll remove your testicles too. 1.5623 0.02906 722 447 144 131
94 Now sniff and make up. 1.5623 0.02666 706 399 217 90
95 It's not you, son. He just has better breeding. 1.5620 0.02701 694 394 210 90
96 When you're best in show, you can have nice clothes too. 1.5615 0.02669 748 435 206 107
97 You were an accident, Rufus was a choice. 1.5592 0.02760 667 381 199 87
98 C'mon, sniff his butt and say you're sorry. 1.5589 0.02775 721 429 181 111
99 I’m sorry, Tommy, but we could only afford private school for one of you, and Rover’s test scores were better. 1.5583 0.02797 695 410 182 103
100 Once you’’re housebroken you can have a treat too. 1.5554 0.02622 695 389 226 80
101 Hey little buddy. You are special - you get to poop inside 1.5554 0.02703 686 392 207 87
102 Because he is the grandson of a national champion and you are the grandson of an insurance salesman. 1.5552 0.02678 670 376 216 78
103 Young man, what did I say about dressing up Sparky in your uniform and putting him on the school bus?! 1.5540 0.03046 565 330 157 78
104 It’s like I’ve always told you, Timmy, dress for the job you want. Ralph gets it. 1.5493 0.02852 619 358 182 79
105 His chosen pronoun is dog. 1.5477 0.02853 619 359 181 79
106 Now I know he dresses better than you son, but then he has to go out more often 1.5461 0.02905 575 329 178 68
107 Jackson, Amos is part of the family now, and we’re going to love him just like we love you. Only more. 1.5450 0.02906 622 369 167 86
108 This is the closest thing to a normal childhood I can arrange for you right now. 1.5433 0.02835 600 344 186 70
109 Another reason Franklin is special is because he doesn’t wet his bed. 1.5425 0.02908 588 342 173 73
110 ‘I miss your mom too but she shouldn’t have asked me to choose.’ 1.5419 0.03034 561 332 154 75
111 Sorry, this is as close to a playdate as I could arrange. 1.5411 0.02863 584 335 182 67
112 Yes, you do have to be a big boy; you're both 3 but your brother behaves like he's 21. 1.5406 0.02864 603 351 178 74
113 Well someone got an A in obedience school. 1.5396 0.03733 328 185 109 34
114 You're a good boy too Jimmy, it's just that Buster is a really really good boy. 1.5389 0.02944 540 308 173 59
115 That’s what you’re wearing to the dog park? 1.5381 0.03017 578 347 151 80
116 You are a good boy. He's just a better boy. 1.5376 0.03035 532 310 158 64
117 Son, you’re acting like a child. 1.5369 0.03036 529 308 158 63
118 I told you he was a working breed when we rescued him 1.5359 0.02902 571 331 174 66
119 ...He said he smells it on you, so let me ask again.... 1.5357 0.03498 392 227 120 45
120 You said you wanted a puppy and a little brother. This way you get both! 1.5327 0.03138 490 286 147 57
121 Rusty now identifies as an English school boy and wants to be called Oliver. 1.5321 0.03292 483 292 125 66
122 Oh, stop whining Donald. After all, it's not everyday you see a trained dog get elected as Class President. 1.5301 0.03060 532 316 150 66
123 Come on now Timmy, the rescue group said you were good with small dogs, we don’t want to have to take you back. 1.5296 0.03141 506 301 142 63
124 Once we get the extra stimulus check,I promise he goes back to being a dog. 1.5294 0.03171 510 307 136 67
125 Well guess what, Timmy- you’re adopted too 1.5281 0.03303 481 293 122 66
126 We can afford private school only for one of you and Bobo simply has more promise 1.5260 0.03082 519 309 147 63
127 Rover's trained to sit, speak, and not put me in a nursing home. 1.5258 0.03164 485 287 141 57
128 Your brother said he's sorry for eating your homework. Now you apologize for copying his. 1.5254 0.03300 453 270 128 55
129 Rover says you ate his homework. 1.5247 0.03198 507 309 130 68
130 When you're older you'll understand why I can't let you pee on the sidewalk, too 1.5247 0.03036 507 296 156 55
131 The dog said you ate his homework. 1.5239 0.03320 460 278 123 59
132 Look: He's learned "heel," "sit," and "fetch" already, and you just keep saying "No!" and "Why?" 1.5236 0.03288 466 281 126 59
133 Well, your mom wanted a kid, I wanted a dog, and the dog wanted an MBA. 1.5226 0.03321 465 283 121 61
134 You're also a good boy. 1.5223 0.03212 494 300 130 64
135 Of course he acts grown up!..in dog years, he's 35... 1.5214 0.03000 491 282 162 47
136 I'm not playing favorites but, he is my best friend. 1.5197 0.03064 483 281 153 49
137 Obedience school, Billy. Don't knock it 'til you've tried it. 1.5191 0.03187 472 281 137 54
138 He’s a canine-American, not a mutt. 1.5189 0.04224 264 156 79 29
139 But sweetie you refused to wear it when Grandma sent it to you.” 1.5187 0.03626 374 225 104 45
140 It not about who I love more, it’s about fooling the surveillance cameras in the carpool lane. 1.5185 0.03357 432 259 122 51
141 Meet your new Covid free playmate. 1.5167 0.03527 420 260 103 57
142 It doesn't even fit you anymore! 1.5161 0.03198 467 279 135 53
143 Fair's fair. We went out for human food last weekend. 1.5158 0.03305 444 267 125 52
144 You said you wanted a puppy...and a baby brother. Now you've got both! 1.5145 0.03293 414 242 131 41
145 Hey, he'll never be the tax deduction you are! 1.5143 0.05428 175 108 44 23
146 I asked you to wear the suit and you said no. 1.5142 0.03130 457 267 145 45
147 You chose pizza last time, so this time it's Sparky's turn and he wants kibble. 1.5133 0.03409 415 250 117 48
148 But just think what a great college entrance essay you'll be able to write. 1.5128 0.03249 431 254 133 44
149 Until this is over, he's your playdate 1.5106 0.03249 425 250 133 42
150 Billy, we’ve already explained this...you were the mistake, he was a choice 1.5103 0.03404 435 268 112 55
151 You're my son, and he's my best friend. 1.5101 0.03499 398 242 109 47
152 Who's my second-best boy? 1.5100 0.03803 351 217 89 45
153 Fetch is not in his vocabulary. Try summons. 1.5091 0.03544 383 232 107 44
154 I've explained this to you before, pal. He goes to an exclusive doggy daycare. You go to a public school. 1.5091 0.03146 438 255 143 40
155 Play nice with him, he doesn’t know he’s adopted. 1.5082 0.03277 429 256 128 45
156 You’re going to love obedience school. 1.5070 0.03398 428 263 113 52
157 Please be a big boy and give him back his shoes. 1.5066 0.03412 379 223 120 36
158 Come on now. Who’s a good boy? 1.5066 0.03432 379 224 118 37
159 Well, maybe you could show more enthusiasm when I come home. 1.5061 0.03723 330 197 99 34
160 Didn't you ask Santa, for a brother and a dog?! 1.5059 0.03390 421 257 115 49
161 'Well, well. Looks like someone ELSE is ready for obedience school.' 1.5052 0.03315 388 226 128 34
162 You already outgrew that outfit and it looks so cute on him! 1.5050 0.03377 400 239 120 41
163 Listen, you can eat his home-work if you want. 1.5047 0.03306 424 255 124 45
164 . “Come on Billy let’s be supportive. Rover’s transitioning.” 1.5037 0.03437 405 247 112 46
165 Just tell your friends we're a blended family. 1.5013 0.03350 379 222 124 33
166 You’re both adopted. 1.5000 0.03571 398 250 97 51
167 It’s time to leave the White House Donald.Would you like to have this dog? He’s very loyal. 1.5000 0.05501 172 109 40 23
168 His mother is technically a bitch but you’re still grounded for saying that 1.5000 0.03693 398 257 83 58
169 Come on, lighten up. When you’re fourteen, he’ll be ninety-eight! 1.4986 0.03617 367 226 99 42
170 Look on the bright side, Tommy. Only one of you got spayed. 1.4985 0.03747 333 203 94 36
171 He can go back to school because he's already vaccinated. 1.4968 0.04049 308 194 75 39
172 What’d you expect, he’s a working dog. 1.4965 0.04058 282 172 80 30
173 It was a little small for you and they had a no-return policy 1.4962 0.03458 393 241 109 43
174 We have to accept that your brother has become a Republican! 1.4960 0.03717 375 239 86 50
175 When it's your birthday, it'll be your turn to ride with your head out the window. 1.4955 0.03691 337 205 97 35
176 I promise never to mix up your brown bag lunches again. 1.4947 0.03506 380 233 106 41
177 We can’t afford to keep you both and frankly, he’s easier to train 1.4928 0.03666 349 215 96 38
178 He learned to stand...can you learn to sit and stay? 1.4922 0.03685 319 191 99 29
179 He did your homework before he ate it. 1.4922 0.03738 319 193 95 31
180 Use your words. Speak, Billy, speak! 1.4919 0.03581 372 231 99 42
181 Did you two know that your moms both have something in common? 1.4909 0.03886 328 207 81 40
182 For the last time, Timmy, Rover’s going to prep school. You’re going to obedience school.” 1.4906 0.03708 371 237 86 48
183 Be a good boy and fetch your brother his briefcase. 1.4894 0.03853 329 207 83 39
184 Apologize for calling your sister a bitch. 1.4891 0.03665 366 231 91 44
185 Well, I asked him, “WHO’S A GOOD BOY? WHO’S A GOOD BOY?” He sat up and wagged his tail, so apparently he is. 1.4890 0.03547 362 222 103 37
186 Well, let's just wait until we hear back from AncestryDNA. 1.4886 0.03725 350 220 89 41
187 Rover says it is his turn to throw the ball and you chase it, 1.4877 0.03526 365 224 104 37
188 C'mon kiddo...it doesn't fit you anymore. 1.4875 0.03554 361 222 102 37
189 Ha, that's rich! Like we can afford to send two kids private school! 1.4859 0.03943 319 203 77 39
190 Timmy! It’s bad enough to pee on the floor! But to blame your brother?! 1.4859 0.03918 319 202 79 38
191 This time we’re boarding YOU and taking Randolph on vacation. 1.4853 0.03783 340 215 85 40
192 Yes, he started it, but then you didn't have to drink from his water bowl! 1.4846 0.03517 357 218 105 34
193 Here’s the deal. You fetch the paper, you get a suit. 1.4845 0.04118 258 157 77 24
194 When you sit on command, you'll get a treat too 1.4843 0.03716 351 222 88 41
195 You fetch the bone. Maurice has his violin lesson. 1.4842 0.03776 349 223 83 43
196 If he were my favorite would I make him wear short pants and a Peter Pan collar? 1.4841 0.03542 347 211 104 32
197 We’ll go to the park after Fenimore’s recital. 1.4841 0.03674 345 215 93 37
198 Relax; all the statistics say you start being smarter than him in another year! 1.4838 0.03833 308 190 87 31
199 Relax, he thinks he’s being ‘tutored’. 1.4835 0.05093 182 114 48 20
200 You'd be famous too if you could walk without using two of your legs. 1.4830 0.03704 323 198 94 31
201 More than just eating your homework, he can actually do your homework! 1.4829 0.04167 263 163 73 27
202 Don't tell your sister she's adopted. 1.4827 0.03734 346 219 87 40
203 ...and who’s my SECOND best friend! 1.4825 0.03922 342 224 71 47
204 We just can’t afford private school for both of you 1.4825 0.03811 342 219 81 42
205 I know he still does it Timmy but that's not what people do when they meet a new person for the first time. 1.4824 0.03828 340 218 80 42
206 Always dress for the job you want, Billy. 1.4822 0.03768 309 189 91 29
207 Those are the only two choices: a working dog or a show dog. He's made his choice, now you make yours. 1.4814 0.03685 322 197 95 30
208 This is your new Lab partner 1.4812 0.03786 345 221 82 42
209 When you graduate from obedience school, you'll get a new outfit too. 1.4811 0.04014 318 209 66 43
210 ‘When they ask about your ‘brother’ for the stimulus check, what do you say?’ 1.4809 0.03797 341 218 82 41
211 No, you WERE older. He's technically 7 now." 1.4809 0.03779 314 194 89 31
212 Oh look, it’s a little boy. Should we take him home? 1.4807 0.03737 337 212 88 37
213 I don’t care what it says in the dictionary, your sister is not a bitch, Charlie. 1.4807 0.03807 337 215 82 40
214 Don't be silly. I also love you like a son 1.4805 0.03941 308 195 78 35
215 ...he’ll never leave home AND he won’t require the cost of a college education. Think about it. 1.4805 0.03598 333 203 100 30
216 This will be fun, now go get your collar and leash. 1.4790 0.03878 309 194 82 33
217 It's Take your Dog to Work Day today, but it will be your turn next month! 1.4789 0.03580 332 202 101 29
218 When you wear the clothes Gram sends, you get more treats. Simple as that. 1.4773 0.03804 308 191 87 30
219 I don’t know why you’re upset, you said you wouldn’t wear the suit. 1.4773 0.03832 308 192 85 31
220 Five minutes out of the crate and we're already having a tantrum? 1.4771 0.03869 327 210 78 39
221 Why didn’t you go when your brother went? 1.4771 0.03796 327 207 84 36
222 Nonsense, Billy! We love you both the same. 1.4771 0.03695 327 203 92 32
223 Now your turn Timmie. Be a good boy and fetch daddy a beer. 1.4769 0.03763 325 204 87 34
224 You asked for a dog and a little brother... 1.4769 0.03939 281 173 82 26
225 Lighten up, Jasper will play with you later today after he finishes jury duty. 1.4767 0.04987 193 123 48 22
226 I finally got you a COVID playdate. 1.4766 0.03719 321 199 91 31
227 It's just for Take Your Dog To Work Day. 1.4760 0.03924 292 182 81 29
228 C’mon, he’ll be great on the frisbee team. 1.4759 0.03777 332 211 84 37
229 Buck up Tommy! You're a cute kid, but he's a pedigree. 1.4756 0.03785 307 190 88 29
230 He may be my be my best friend, but you’ll always be my son. 1.4755 0.03547 326 197 103 26
231 If he could learn to do it standing up, so can you 1.4744 0.03914 293 183 81 29
232 C'mon - you can be a good boy too! 1.4742 0.03921 310 198 77 35
233 Don't be jealous, you're both adopted. 1.4738 0.03737 325 204 88 33
234 Ah, c’mon, you wanna pee on hydrants, he wants to eat at the table. I’m not seeing a lot of differences here... 1.4732 0.03959 317 206 72 39
235 If Sparky can learn how to walk on two legs, you can learn how to use the potty. 1.4732 0.03857 317 202 80 35
236 Come on Tommy, where did you hide his cell phone? 1.4725 0.04908 182 113 52 17
237 It's not that we love him more, it's just that he's housebroken. 1.4721 0.04064 269 168 75 26
238 Cmon, he’ll give it back to you after his bark mitzvah. 1.4716 0.04486 229 145 60 24
239 If you return his ball, he'll return your clothes. 1.4714 0.03948 280 174 80 26
240 Remember, you've got thumbs. 1.4712 0.03774 295 181 89 25
241 He claims that he did not eat your homework 1.4708 0.03716 291 176 93 22
242 Use your words, speak. 1.4701 0.03970 268 165 80 23
243 Don't be upset Billy, just be glad your mother doesn't make you wear ridiculous outfits and poop in the street. 1.4698 0.03952 315 205 72 38
244 Shake? 1.4698 0.03742 315 197 88 30
245 It worked out for Stuart Little and it will work out for us too. 1.4698 0.03687 315 195 92 28
246 It may be true, but it is still not nice to call his mother a bitch. 1.4691 0.05339 162 103 42 17
247 This is your brother from another mother. 1.4691 0.04097 275 175 71 29
248 Sit. 1.4689 0.03995 305 198 71 36
249 But a picture of you in that suit wouldn’t get half as many likes on instagram. 1.4682 0.03908 267 163 83 21
250 How could we know he would learn so much by watching your virtual classes? 1.4676 0.04116 293 192 65 36
251 And who else is daddy's good boy! 1.4673 0.03618 306 186 97 23
252 Because she's Ruth Beagle Ginsburg, that's why. 1.4664 0.03893 298 189 79 30
253 You need to understand. I always call him a good boy. 1.4664 0.03922 298 190 77 31
254 Let's face it, you didn't even use that suit. 1.4664 0.04036 298 194 69 35
255 His name IS Buster and he IS brown. 1.4664 0.03969 268 166 79 23
256 Now son, he’s only wearing your clothes for a while so daddy can mark him as a dependent. 1.4655 0.03998 275 173 76 26
257 Because he’s older than you. 1.4653 0.04347 245 157 62 26
258 You’re just mad because we named him Steve and you Fido. 1.4644 0.03922 295 188 77 30
259 Your mother and I want you to grow up bilingual. 1.4644 0.03862 295 186 81 28
260 Of course we wouldn't replace you with a beagle; a border collie, maybe. 1.4644 0.03802 295 184 85 26
261 Well if you listened the way he does, maybe you would get more treats and go to the park too! 1.4644 0.03832 295 185 83 27
262 Sure, he gets to sleep on our bed, but you get to keep your balls. 1.4642 0.04143 293 194 62 37
263 For the last time, you're BOTH good boys. 1.4631 0.03804 298 187 84 27
264 Well you can be man's best friend's best friend. 1.4631 0.03863 298 189 80 29
265 Trust me, you don't want to be "fixed" too. 1.4631 0.04063 298 196 66 36
266 At least he comes when I call. 1.4626 0.03804 281 173 86 22
267 You're my son. He's my best friend. 1.4626 0.04018 294 191 70 33
268 Shake...Shake...Goood boy. 1.4626 0.03901 294 187 78 29
269 See Jimmy, even Cocoa knows you need to dress up to visit Grandma. 1.4621 0.03657 290 176 94 20
270 Son, I didn’t write the rules. He gets treats, you get positive parenting strategies. 1.4621 0.03879 290 183 80 27
271 Today is your brother’s turn to choose lunch, so raccoon carcass it is. 1.4618 0.04478 262 177 49 36
272 It doesn’t matter if you were born first. He’s your older brother by 48 years. 1.4608 0.03695 293 180 91 22
273 Stop complaining. You always hated that outfit. 1.4605 0.03959 291 187 74 30
274 Hey come on, it didn’t fit you anymore anyway. 1.4605 0.03869 291 184 80 27
275 The difference is he has papers. 1.4601 0.04179 276 181 63 32
276 Yes, Billy, we're taking you to the pound. We drew straws, remember? 1.4595 0.04348 259 171 57 31
277 Actually, he rescued us. 1.4593 0.04598 209 133 56 20
278 Can you give Charlie's bottom a nice sniff hello? 1.4593 0.04376 270 182 52 36
279 Yes, you are a good boy. He's just better. 1.4593 0.04215 270 177 62 31
280 Okay, okay, I'll bag your poop too...will that make it fair? 1.4593 0.04248 270 178 60 32
281 We have to act like he's your brother so we can claim him for an extra $600 1.4593 0.04199 270 184 51 35
282 Hey, it was working until Grandma found her glasses. 1.4591 0.03836 281 175 83 23
283 Well, we had him before we had you. 1.4577 0.04160 260 167 67 26
284 Guess who got into that exclusive K-4. 1.4577 0.03667 260 174 61 25
285 Of course, you'll get a suit, once you're potty trained too. 1.4574 0.03924 282 179 77 26
286 Ok, now change your brother back. 1.4568 0.04093 278 181 67 30
287 Yes, I know it's not fair that he gets to pee wherever he wants 1.4568 0.04061 278 180 69 29
288 Look, let's just say if I did have a favorite it wouldn't be the one who's throwing a tantrum. 1.4565 0.04017 276 177 72 27
289 I promise you, son, Fred's vaccine 'side-effect' is a one-off. 1.4558 0.04039 283 184 69 30
290 Come on Tommy, you know that deep inside you want to be a good boy too. 1.4556 0.03944 270 170 77 23
291 He gets nicer clothes because he's already potty trained. 1.4556 0.04115 270 175 67 28
292 I promise we'll play catch right after your little brother's violin recital. 1.4549 0.04158 244 154 69 21
293 I know you really loved Spot from the pound but Ignatius has been bred to get you into the most prestigious preschools. 1.4549 0.04071 277 180 68 29
294 He’s your brother from another mother 1.4545 0.03819 286 180 82 24
295 It was an honest election. You lost. Accepting that this happens is part of growing up. 1.4545 0.04421 242 159 56 27
296 I don’t care what you think you saw, Johnny. Dogs don’t play poker. 1.4545 0.04078 264 169 70 25
297 It’s not personal, son. We can only afford prep school for one of you, and St. Bernard’s is cheaper. 1.4542 0.04028 284 185 69 30
298 Show him a ball and he’ll totally forget about the dress code. 1.4542 0.03947 273 173 76 24
299 And when the pandemic is over you can play with human kids again. 1.4542 0.03947 273 173 76 24
300 We don’t ALWAYS go to the dog park. 1.4539 0.03791 271 167 85 19
301 Billy,you chase the ball. We don‘t want Fido to get dirty. 1.4538 0.04229 260 170 62 28
302 You just have to call Taco “Theodore” until we get off the plane, Son. 1.4535 0.04035 258 163 73 22
303 Well, opposable thumbs, and I'm sure there are other things, if you'll just give me a minute. 1.4518 0.05095 166 106 45 15
304 No, I didn't cheat on your mom. He's adopted! 1.4518 0.04362 228 146 61 21
305 Next time you can pee on the hydrant. 1.4516 0.04188 248 159 66 23
306 I could only afford to send one of you to school, and he seemed more excited about it. 1.4511 0.04019 266 170 72 24
307 Well, you don't expect him to run around naked, do you? 1.4511 0.04054 266 171 70 25
308 You wanted a dog for Christmas and your mom wants another kid, it's a win-win. 1.4508 0.03969 264 167 75 22
309 He has 13k Instagram followers. How many do you have? 1.4508 0.03932 264 166 77 21
310 He saw you in the window! 1.4506 0.04463 233 153 55 25
311 Listen, you wanted him. Now that lockdown is over he is going to school with you. 1.4502 0.04151 251 161 67 23
312 I know you wanted a baby brother but you've got to admit he's kinda cute. 1.4500 0.05852 140 93 31 16
313 You may be my son, but he’s my best friend. 1.4500 0.03808 280 176 82 22
314 See, Reggie doesn't mind wearing the preschool uniform. 1.4498 0.03987 269 177 65 27
315 I think we're sending the wrong family member to obedience school. 1.4496 0.04107 258 166 68 24
316 I was talking about HIS mother...not yours. 1.4496 0.04216 258 169 62 27
317 Don’t make me get your leash. 1.4496 0.04180 258 168 64 26
318 Who's a barely tolerable boy? Yes, you are! 1.4494 0.04180 267 176 62 29
319 He's going to prep school, you're going to obedience school. 1.4494 0.03915 247 152 79 16
320 You'll get your suit too once you graduate from obedience school 1.4491 0.03921 265 166 77 21
321 O.K. so you're not identical twins 1.4486 0.04288 243 158 61 24
322 "C'mon, sport. It's his week to pick, and you know how much he loves the Dutch masters exhibit." 1.4483 0.04073 261 168 69 24
323 Remember, he thinks you think he’s a dog. 1.4480 0.04084 250 159 70 21
324 Cheer up. Every dog has his day. 1.4479 0.04058 259 166 70 23
325 I promise you'll be in the next family photograph. 1.4479 0.04058 259 166 70 23
326 We don’t love Spot more, we just like him more. 1.4479 0.03946 259 163 76 20
327 He's just dressing for the job he wants. 1.4472 0.04288 246 161 60 25
328 “It’s not my fault your aunt wanted him to be Ring-Bearer.” 1.4472 0.04210 246 159 64 23
329 You heard the vet - we needed a dog that's better suited than you. Or was it better suited for you...? 1.4471 0.04937 170 108 48 14
330 What? You wanted a little brother and you wanted a puppy! 1.4470 0.04074 264 171 68 25
331 When you learn to be obedient, you can go to Catholic School too! 1.4470 0.04144 264 173 64 27
332 Son, it’s 2020, are you even surprised by this? 1.4463 0.04456 242 162 52 28
333 Look. Grandma's a bit confused. But if you're nice maybe she'll pay for your college, too. 1.4462 0.04225 251 164 62 25
334 Circumcision is for little boys only, silly. We castrated Spot." 1.4462 0.04398 260 177 50 33
335 if he can learn to stop drinking from the toilet, so can you! 1.4457 0.04250 258 171 59 28
336 Jared and Ivanka have to move and they cant keep him 1.4454 0.04269 238 154 62 22
337 Let's play who's a good boy. 1.4453 0.04165 256 167 64 25
338 Does Winston look like he would eat your homework? 1.4449 0.04460 227 149 55 23
339 Why can’t you be more like your brother? 1.4436 0.04152 257 168 64 25
340 I told you: He's not my favorite. Now let's play fetch! 1.4436 0.04225 257 170 60 27
341 It's just until humans are allowed to socialize again. 1.4426 0.03943 244 152 76 16
342 I don't compare you. I contrast you.” 1.4425 0.04646 226 153 46 27
343 I’m not saying you and your brother have to be best friends, but the least you could do is throw him a bone. 1.4422 0.04069 251 161 69 21
344 Timmy, we no longer say, "Here, boy." Spike prefers the non-binary, "Here, dog." Especially since their surgery. 1.4422 0.04371 251 169 53 29
345 Okay, if it will make you happy, daddy will put your poop in a bag, too 1.4422 0.04444 251 171 49 31
346 It looks like someone could use a lesson in being a good boy ! 1.4421 0.04290 233 151 61 21
347 If it weren’t for him, you’d still be in that well. 1.4417 0.04200 240 155 64 21
348 It's okay, roll over doesn't come naturally to everyone 1.4412 0.04267 238 155 61 22
349 And hey, in just a couple of dog years you'll be an only child again! 1.4409 0.04111 254 165 66 23
350 It’s 2021 now son, we don’t discriminate on the basis of species 1.4409 0.04149 254 166 64 24
351 Don’t sulk Timmy, there’s room for two good boys in our family. 1.4408 0.04336 245 163 56 26
352 Come on. Try! If he can walk, you can bark. 1.4400 0.04272 250 166 58 26
353 But you didn’t like that suit when it fit you 1.4400 0.04119 250 162 66 22
354 Max is sorry he sniffed your butthole. 1.4400 0.04383 250 169 52 29
355 Don’t worry Timmy, you’re both adopted 1.4400 0.04119 250 162 66 22
356 Here's a lesson for you, kid. He dressed for success and won Best in Show. 1.4397 0.04430 232 154 54 24
357 C'mon now . . . shake hands, smell each other's butts and be friends again. 1.4385 0.04230 244 160 61 23
358 Well, yes in fact, he IS a royal son of a bitch. 1.4385 0.04230 244 160 61 23
359 Sorry, Jimmy. You’re my son, but Waldo’s my best friend. 1.4384 0.04482 219 144 54 21
360 Well, you’re my second best friend 1.4381 0.04198 226 144 65 17
361 I would call you a good boy too if you rolled over and wagged your tail when I come home. 1.4381 0.04558 226 152 49 25
362 It's complicated, but call him 'the brother from another mother.' 1.4380 0.04090 242 155 68 19
363 Come on Jimmy, mom and I needed a emotional support child. 1.4380 0.04048 242 154 70 18
364 Can you believe I got pants on the dog? 2021 is gonna be my year. 1.4378 0.04665 201 132 50 19
365 Come on now, Jefferey. Spike doesn't pee "weird", he just pees "differently". 1.4375 0.04197 240 156 63 21
366 Unfortunately, we can't afford college for both so we picked the smarter one. 1.4375 0.04556 240 165 45 30
367 You aren't going to win any Obedience awards with that attitude. 1.4370 0.04137 238 153 66 19
368 That’s just how he identifies today. 1.4370 0.04264 238 156 60 22
369 You don’t like his outfit? You should see the cat’s pajamas. 1.4370 0.04346 238 158 56 24
370 Come on now, I want you two to lick and make up 1.4351 0.04291 239 158 58 23
371 Sorry, Billy, I just don’t believe you saw him playing poker. He’s a dog for goodness’ sakes. 1.4350 0.04468 223 148 53 22
372 You were an accident. The dog was our choice. 1.4350 0.04468 223 148 53 22
373 You'll learn to love obedience school, like Ralph did. 1.4346 0.04651 214 144 47 23
374 No, I don’t love him more, I just think he has more executive potential. 1.4340 0.04548 235 161 46 28
375 Because you've outgrown it, that's why. 1.4338 0.04288 219 141 61 17
376 Think of it this way. You haven't lost a pet. You've gained a brother. 1.4338 0.04139 219 138 67 14
377 Maybe if you were more like your brother... 1.4338 0.04337 219 142 59 18
378 Don't worry, he's not my son. He's my best friend. 1.4336 0.04379 226 149 56 21
379 Alfie passed agility, flyball, rally, field scent trials, Rorschach's, and scored highest on the Stanford-Binet scale, isn't that great Oliver... 1.4335 0.04733 203 136 46 21
380 I know he's not a real boy, but you have to admit he looks good when he's dressed up. 1.4335 0.04284 233 153 59 21
381 Yes Billy I do love him more but you’ll outlive him. 1.4335 0.04327 233 154 57 22
382 But if Tippy wears the outfit, Daddy's video could go viral! 1.4329 0.04266 231 151 60 20
383 See...this is what a good boy looks like. 1.4329 0.04482 231 156 50 25
384 He really didn't steal your homework . He ate it. 1.4324 0.04480 222 148 52 22
385 If he can walk this far on two feet, so can you. 1.4324 0.04388 222 146 56 20
386 When you get a million hits on YouTube, you get to pick the restaurant 1.4316 0.04139 234 151 65 18
387 But the suit doesn’t fit you anymore! 1.4316 0.04227 234 153 61 20
388 I just want to find 11,780 votes. 1.4306 0.04799 216 150 39 27
389 Hey little man,not everyone can get into Harvard. 1.4298 0.04304 228 150 58 20
390 Well, he gets to watch YouTube because he makes so much money on YouTube 1.4298 0.04393 228 152 54 22
391 I told you: adopting Reggie has given us the chance to correct the parenting mistakes we've made with you. 1.4294 0.04924 170 111 45 14
392 Sorry son. Only one of you can go to college, and Fido shows more promise. 1.4292 0.04331 226 149 57 20
393 You're right he's my favorite now because I don't have to do common core math with him! 1.4292 0.04465 226 152 51 23
394 Don't be a baby...it is YOUR TURN to fetch. 1.4292 0.04465 226 152 51 23
395 You’re sorry that we traded your sister for a dog? 1.4292 0.04421 226 151 53 22
396 When you can catch a ball as well as your brother, you'll get a new suit too... 1.4292 0.04331 226 149 57 20
397 Well, you wouldn't wear it. 1.4292 0.04145 226 145 65 16
398 I’m not trying to play favorites, Bobby, but you have to pick up your own poop. 1.4292 0.04509 226 153 49 24
399 Gee, Timmy, it's not that we love you less; it's just that we love him more." 1.4286 0.04538 224 152 48 24
400 Ok, very funny Merlin, now please say the magic word to turn him back into your brother. 1.4286 0.04575 196 128 52 16
401 But this dog is suited for you! 1.4286 0.04753 189 125 47 17
402 Not only is he better behaved, he is better dressed. 1.4280 0.04156 236 154 63 19
403 Don’t sulk, Bobby. You can tinkle on the next fire hydrant. 1.4279 0.04291 222 145 59 18
404 Because if you do, Daddy will get his research grant. 1.4279 0.04477 222 149 51 22
405 Yes I know ... but this little soirée is just for him and his obedience-school colleagues 1.4279 0.04186 215 142 56 17
406 It’s ok, bud. Some dogs just aren’t into sports. 1.4279 0.04115 208 130 67 11
407 We'll go to the playground another day, Oscar has to go to his piano lesson now. 1.4265 0.04501 204 134 53 17
408 He’s a good boy. You were not. 1.4261 0.04319 230 153 56 21
409 You're right Timmy! Your brother IS a son of a bitch! 1.4260 0.04506 223 151 49 23
410 Hey, look on the bright side, at least you still have your nuts 1.4260 0.04595 223 153 45 25
411 Well son, some dogs play fetch and others play bridge. 1.4260 0.04370 223 148 55 20
412 Son, I know you want to be like your brother but you can't go wagging your 'tail' in public 1.4253 0.04444 221 148 52 21
413 Actually, you're both adopted! 1.4253 0.04397 221 147 54 20
414 This is your brother, Rover. He chooses to identify as a canine, we must accept his decision. 1.4253 0.04397 221 147 54 20
415 Don't be embarrassed, Timmy. Barking at firetrucks runs in the family. 1.4253 0.04444 221 148 52 21
416 If it makes you feel less jealous, you're BOTH adopted! 1.4253 0.04625 221 152 44 25
417 I promise, your turn to fetch the stick is next 1.4253 0.04057 221 140 68 13
418 I'm sorry, buddy, but those DNA ancestry tests don't lie. 1.4251 0.04454 207 136 54 17
419 Good news. You’re not the favorite anymore, but we decided to keep you anyway. 1.4251 0.04558 207 138 50 19
420 Is that a ‘best in show’ kind of smile? 1.4247 0.04682 186 122 49 15
421 He says jeans and a tee shirt just isn't him. 1.4247 0.04557 186 120 53 13
422 But your new brother really IS a son of a bitch. 1.4247 0.04611 219 150 45 24
423 Who needs a belly-rub? 1.4247 0.04330 219 144 57 18
424 I thought I was taking him to get neutered - not tutored. 1.4247 0.04330 219 144 57 18
425 Let's try again: Now who is a good boy? 1.4247 0.04426 219 146 53 20
426 Of course some of those "good boy" comments were for you. 1.4247 0.04330 219 144 57 18
427 Can you tell Fido you’re sorry for biting him? 1.4247 0.04281 219 143 59 17
428 I don't love him more he just has seven birthdays a year 1.4247 0.04656 219 151 43 25
429 He gets to wear a suit because he's got a job. 1.4242 0.04476 231 158 48 25
430 Maybe if you didn't throw Donald Trump level tantrums you'd get a nice suit too. 1.4236 0.04777 203 139 42 22
431 You can also get a new suit once you’re toilet trained. 1.4236 0.04460 203 133 54 16
432 Should we name the new puppy "Deduction"? 1.4235 0.04739 196 132 45 19
433 Don't worry. He'll never be able to fill your shoes. 1.4234 0.04143 222 143 64 15
434 "Of Course Billy! Mommy and Daddy like Fluffy better than you. He's paper trained and is always happy to see us. 1.4234 0.04428 222 149 52 21
435 Show him you’re well bred too. 1.4233 0.04483 215 144 51 20
436 He’s your brother because your mother’s a bitch. 1.4233 0.04856 215 152 35 28
437 Obedience school will be fun! 1.4233 0.04435 215 143 53 19
438 Hey look on the bright side kid,,,,could’ve been a cat 1.4233 0.04385 215 142 55 18
439 He can’t help it. He’s a purebred. 1.4229 0.04750 175 114 48 13
440 Molly is technically 21, so we're leaving her in charge while we're out. 1.4225 0.04663 187 123 49 15
441 Be nice to your cousin. He leaves for Eton in a week. 1.4221 0.04465 199 130 54 15
442 Use your words. 1.4220 0.04243 218 142 60 16
443 I’m sorry. You’re a good boy too, sometimes.” 1.4220 0.04243 218 142 60 16
444 Well you didn't like it and it suits him fine. 1.4220 0.04532 218 148 48 22
445 I know you’re a little jealous - but it’s not every day your brother graduates from obedience school. 1.4220 0.04485 218 147 50 21
446 Yes, he gets to wear a suit, but YOU don’t have to get fixed. 1.4220 0.04625 218 150 44 24
447 See, Spanky isn't ashamed to hold his father's hand in public. 1.4217 0.05000 166 110 42 14
448 Come on, Timmy, who's a good boy? 1.4215 0.04320 223 148 56 19
449 Stop calling your sister "bitch". 1.4215 0.06402 121 85 21 15
450 Who's not a good boy? 1.4213 0.04270 216 141 59 16
451 You wanted a puppy. You wanted a little brother. Now you have both! 1.4213 0.04418 216 144 53 19
452 Mommy and Daddy love you both equally. We give Sniffer special gifts because he doesn't bite. 1.4213 0.04270 216 141 59 16
453 Hey son, how about we play “go-fetch” after I take Skippy to his cello recital? 1.4213 0.04369 216 143 55 18
454 Your mother and I couldn't agree, so we compromised. 1.4194 0.04800 186 125 44 17
455 Timmy, this is Miss Lillie. She is going to work with you on your Cognitive Behavior, and if you fail to listen, she will bite you. 1.4194 0.06070 124 85 26 13
456 Let me explain the difference between a literal good boy and a figurative good boy. 1.4194 0.04354 217 144 55 18
457 'Your brother was just trying to be nice when he sniffed your butt!" 1.4190 0.04557 210 142 48 20
458 Now apologize to Buddy for eating his homework. 1.4188 0.04469 191 124 54 13
459 Yes, of course you’re my second favorite. 1.4188 0.04710 191 128 46 17
460 After Mom left, I needed to find someone a bit more loyal, son. 1.4188 0.04739 191 131 41 19
461 You cannot have a treat for peeing outside. We’ve gone over this! 1.4188 0.04768 191 129 44 18
462 Don't worry buddy. He may be able to wear your clothes but he can never fill your shoes! 1.4186 0.04381 215 143 54 18
463 Cheer up son! We'll go to the human park next week! 1.4186 0.04332 215 142 56 17
464 Trust me, you and Little Dog Fauntleroy are going to great friends. 1.4186 0.04431 215 144 52 19
465 When you graduate from obedience school, you can dress up too! 1.4186 0.04528 215 146 48 21
466 You only have to share a room until his mother gets home from chasing that garbage truck. 1.4186 0.04623 215 148 44 23
467 Don’t be silly. Your mother and I love you both equally! 1.4186 0.04431 215 144 52 19
468 Yes, he's adopted. But Mommy and Daddy love him just the same as we do you. 1.4183 0.04537 208 140 49 19
469 Don't cry. Now, Daddy can get his full $1200 stimulus. 1.4179 0.04541 201 134 50 17
470 Now now Johnny, Jack won the frisbee toss fair and square. 1.4177 0.04770 158 101 48 9
471 Before I married your mommy I was married to a real bitch. That makes him your half-brother, son. 1.4176 0.04997 182 125 38 19
472 Because unlike you he never poops in his pants. 1.4174 0.04482 218 148 49 21
473 They don’t fit you and we don’t live in London anymore. ! 1.4172 0.04831 163 106 46 11
474 Well, yes, I do love him more. 1.4171 0.04573 199 133 49 17
475 With just a little more effort, you could be a good boy, too. 1.4171 0.04589 211 144 46 21
476 You only have to tell the teacher he is your brother "Fido" one day more - the dog walker will be back on Monday! 1.4171 0.04439 211 141 52 18
477 If he can hold it so can you!!! 1.4171 0.04388 211 140 54 17
478 I know it's not fair that your sister gets to bite the neighbor, but she also doesn't get to eat chocolate. 1.4167 0.04881 168 111 44 13
479 You never wear it, so why shouldn't he? 1.4162 0.04629 185 122 49 14
480 So now you want to wear the suit 1.4161 0.05028 161 107 39 13
481 Well Jason,not everyone can be man’s best friend. 1.4159 0.04541 214 146 47 21
482 define normal. 1.4157 0.04951 178 121 40 17
483 After the family re-org you'll be reporting directly to Sparky. 1.4157 0.04846 166 109 45 12
484 Don't worry Timmy, when school reopens, you'll get the proper training too. 1.4155 0.04498 207 139 50 18
485 OK, maybe he can retrieve a ball faster than you but you can reflect on the meaning of life. 1.4155 0.04445 207 138 52 17
486 If you'll just play along Daddy will split the extra stimulus check with you. 1.4140 0.04734 186 125 45 16
487 I'm sorry Timmy, but it's true. You were adopted. 1.4140 0.04672 186 124 47 15
488 No, this time he gets to be Christopher Robin and you are Pooh Bear. 1.4138 0.04396 203 133 54 15
489 I was just kidding. He's not your long lost twin brother. 1.4138 0.04139 203 132 58 11
490 Listen, you wanted a puppy and your mother wanted another kid, this is a win for everybody. 1.4138 0.04768 203 141 40 22
491 You have to admit—it looks better on him. 1.4136 0.04586 191 127 49 15
492 He's your brother by another mother. 1.4136 0.04646 191 128 47 16
493 But you are better in math. Let him win in stick retrieving! 1.4136 0.04646 191 128 47 16
494 This one's a terror and this one's a terrier! 1.4136 0.04763 191 130 43 18
495 Don't be jealous. You'll wear a suit for your bar mitzvah, too! 1.4129 0.04591 201 136 47 18
496 We'll get ice cream as soon as you show me unconditional love! Yes, we will! 1.4129 0.04481 201 134 51 16
497 Please help Daddy pretend this is a normal playdate. 1.4127 0.04680 189 127 46 16
498 Don’t be angry son, he identifies as human. 1.4126 0.04405 206 137 53 16
499 You don't see JibJab complaining about getting dressed up for dinner at Nana's. 1.4121 0.04869 182 124 41 17
500 Please be patient, like your sister, while daddy finds his glasses! 1.4121 0.04869 182 124 41 17
501 See! Your sister was ok with her covid vaccine shot 1.4121 0.04941 199 141 34 24
502 I thought you hated that suit. 1.4121 0.04455 199 132 52 15
503 Keep misbehaving and we'll give him your bed too. 1.4121 0.04623 199 135 46 18
504 Look Johnny, your brother is just fine, so let's get you vaccinated, too. 1.4121 0.04678 199 136 44 19
505 Son, could you fetch his loafers? 1.4121 0.04623 199 135 46 18
506 You’re a good boy too, Billy. You just remind me of all my failures. 1.4118 0.05115 170 117 36 17
507 What's wrong? You asked for a haute dog. 1.4118 0.05047 170 116 38 16
508 It's ok, son. He just wants to take you for a walk. 1.4108 0.04749 185 125 44 16
509 Seriously, where did you hide your brother’s frisbee? 1.4105 0.04660 190 128 46 16
510 That gender reveal cake filled with liver treats makes a lot more sense now, right? 1.4105 0.04660 190 128 46 16
511 Be nice. He's a major YouTube influencer with 21 million followers. 1.4096 0.05203 166 115 34 17
512 Who's a not-as-good boy? 1.4091 0.04692 198 136 43 19
513 But look what obedience school did for him. 1.4091 0.04410 198 131 53 14
514 Because he's dressed for success, that's why 1.4091 0.04581 198 134 47 17
515 Well you see Billy, he is always happy to see me. 1.4091 0.04352 198 130 55 13
516 But you’re my favorite *human* child. 1.4091 0.04637 198 135 45 18
517 The suit just fits him better. 1.4089 0.04712 203 141 41 21
518 I promised Barkley a new boy, but if you don't behave, it's back to the shelter. 1.4082 0.04556 196 132 48 16
519 Be nice, he's my best friend! 1.4074 0.04614 189 127 47 15
520 How would you feel if I made you chase a stick? 1.4072 0.04530 194 130 49 15
521 Once you're house broken, you get a treat too. 1.4072 0.04410 194 128 53 13
522 Look, you said you wanted a dog. Your sister said she wanted a dress up doll. This is what we got. OK? 1.4072 0.04588 194 131 47 16
523 you're not a rescue animal, sweetie, we adopted you. 1.4072 0.04349 194 127 55 12
524 Hey now, what did we say about calling your sister the B word? 1.4072 0.04588 194 136 39 19
525 Who's an angry boy, huh? Who's an angry boy? You are ... yes, you are. 1.4072 0.04530 194 130 49 15
526 But to him, sniffing your friends’ butt is just a greeting.” 1.4072 0.04410 194 128 53 13
527 I know it's weird, but just be thankful your step-mom isn't a cat person. 1.4072 0.04410 194 128 53 13
528 He's a dog,he doesn't have to wear shoes! 1.4072 0.04410 194 128 53 13
529 Now...HOOSAGOODBOI!? 1.4072 0.04646 194 132 45 17
530 We're not playing favorites, we love you both the same. When you get to be 21, we'll buy you a new suit too. 1.4070 0.04450 199 133 51 15
531 Yes, it’s an expensive suit, but he got into law school and you didn’t. 1.4070 0.04507 199 134 49 16
532 You asked Santa for your puppy to be happy... And his dream is to be a tax attorney. 1.4070 0.04833 199 140 37 22
533 I'm still your paw. 1.4062 0.04738 192 132 42 18
534 Look, son, it's nothing personal. When we adopted you and Rufus, we knew we would only keep one of you, and surprisingly, you have a better return policy. 1.4061 0.05362 165 117 29 19
535 We went to the human park yesterday, so today we are going to the dog park. It’s only fair, Timmy. 1.4056 0.05274 143 96 36 11
536 But I can pick up more girls this way. 1.4056 0.04837 180 123 41 16
537 We've enrolled you in obedience training. Look what it's done for Spud! 1.4056 0.04505 180 118 51 11
538 Don't be jealous. He'll be dead by the time you're fourteen. 1.4056 0.05026 180 126 35 19
539 Jeremy! We apologize when we pull tails. 1.4053 0.04654 190 129 45 16
540 I know it was you that peed on the carpet. 1.4053 0.04714 190 130 43 17
541 Wait 'til you see your sister. 1.4053 0.04888 190 133 37 20
542 I don't care what you think...you CANNOT call his mother a bitch. 1.4053 0.04714 190 130 43 17
543 Yeah, well he says you ate his homework. 1.4053 0.04831 190 132 39 19
544 Come on, only a few more followers on TikTok and we can afford to send you to college. 1.4053 0.04471 190 126 51 13
545 He likes to watch Downton Abbey and you don't. 1.4051 0.05082 158 107 38 13
546 Now, which one of you peed on the floor? 1.4049 0.05122 163 112 36 15
547 Son, we've been over this. I don't have a favorite child! 1.4044 0.04716 183 124 44 15
548 Mom said to bring the well-dressed one to the party...so it must be deworming for you. 1.4043 0.04627 188 127 46 15
549 Since Rex listens to us, we’ve decided to enroll HIM in that expensive private school instead! 1.4043 0.04688 188 128 44 16
550 Because he’s a good boy, that’s why. 1.4041 0.04361 193 127 54 12
551 If you behave, I'll give you a treat too! 1.4041 0.04718 193 133 42 18
552 Don't worry, Timmy, if you work hard and get good grades, we can send you to Harvard, too. 1.4041 0.04602 193 131 46 16
553 Hey, I love you more. but a boy in a suit is just not going to take off on Tik Tok 1.4041 0.04423 193 128 52 13
554 It's dog years, Billy. He'll only be your baby brother for like, 6 months. 1.4041 0.04483 193 129 50 14
555 He is very sorry for eating your homework. 1.4041 0.04718 193 133 42 18
556 How many times did I tell you? Dress for the job you WANT. 1.4041 0.04718 193 133 42 18
557 Yes, you are my son and yes, we are humans. But Max's Instagram channel really took off during quarantine, so we listen to him now 1.4041 0.04483 193 129 50 14
558 Donald, you can't be Best In Show 1.4041 0.05286 146 99 35 12
559 Let’s try not to bite this nanny. We’re running out of options. 1.4037 0.04936 161 108 41 12
560 He'll stop biting if you call him a dachshund instead of a wiener dog. 1.4037 0.04694 161 105 47 9
561 But Sparky gives me unconditional love! 1.4035 0.04878 171 116 41 14
562 But you didn't want to go to church. 1.4035 0.05017 171 118 37 16
563 Max is teasing. You're not adopted. 1.4035 0.04948 171 117 39 15
564 Don't be upset... he thinks he's off to be "tutored"... 1.4027 0.05628 149 106 26 17
565 That’s just how he says ‘hi’ 1.4022 0.04981 179 125 36 18
566 And... in the contest for obedience,we have a winner!! 1.4022 0.04655 179 120 46 13
567 Who's a good boy? You're a good boy! 1.4022 0.04587 179 119 48 12
568 We promised your mother we'd get a dog that was already house trained. 1.4021 0.04484 189 126 50 13
569 You can have people food again as soon as you start dressing appropriately for dinner! 1.4021 0.04583 194 132 46 16
570 Now don’t be jealous. You’re a good boy too. 1.4013 0.04855 157 104 43 10
571 But you got to ride shotgun last time. 1.4012 0.04989 162 110 39 13
572 Now, don't tease your little brother. When you were his age, you were in short pants, too. 1.4012 0.04884 167 113 41 13
573 We can only afford Tuition for one Private School this year. 1.4011 0.04763 187 129 41 17
574 Cheer up, after the dog park, we'll go to the playground. 1.4011 0.04579 187 126 47 14
575 Donald, if you keep acting up, you'll never be president 1.4000 0.04958 180 126 36 18
576 You're going to love the kennel, Kenneth, the swap is for all of our own good. 1.4000 0.04766 180 123 42 15
577 You didn't want the prep school, so you get the obedience school. Fair's fair. 1.4000 0.04483 185 123 50 12
578 Now it's YOUR turn for obedience school. 1.4000 0.04567 180 120 48 12
579 We love you equally, but he was much easier to potty train. 1.4000 0.04701 180 122 44 14
580 Well, you wouldn't wear it so we thought.... 1.4000 0.04708 160 105 46 9
581 Yes, son, but remember that you will always be taller. And maybe someday you'll get a law degree too. 1.4000 0.04675 185 126 44 15
582 You're going to LOVE the little farm upstate! 1.4000 0.04767 190 132 40 18
583 You're just a white middle-class male like me, but Chauncey, he's well-bred, he's got a future. 1.4000 0.04634 180 121 46 13
584 Who's a good boy? No seriously, which one of you is a good boy? 1.4000 0.04675 185 126 44 15
585 That's just how they say, "Hello." 1.4000 0.04675 185 126 44 15
586 Fetching daddy's beer brings rewards, just ask Bailey. 1.4000 0.04799 185 128 40 17
587 It's a dog-eat-dog world out there, so Quimby has come to tutor you. 1.4000 0.04612 185 125 46 14
588 You are our biological son, not our rescue son. 1.4000 0.04567 180 120 48 12
589 No, we don’t love Winston more than you. It’s just that he’s better behaved. 1.4000 0.04701 180 122 44 14
590 You’re going to love the farm! So much room to run and play. 1.4000 0.04920 185 130 36 19
591 Ronnie, this is our new dog Spencer. From now on he’ll supervise all of your on-line learning, 1.4000 0.04612 185 125 46 14
592 Here's a hint - we're keeping the housebroken one. 1.4000 0.04738 185 127 42 16
593 You knew there was only enough money to send one of you to a private, four-year obedience school 1.4000 0.04483 185 123 50 12
594 Look at the bright side - you got the shoes. 1.4000 0.04282 185 120 56 9
595 Look at the bright side! He’s wearing the stupid suit Aunt Judy got you! 1.3989 0.04559 188 127 47 14
596 ...Why can't you just be more like your brother? 1.3989 0.04433 188 125 51 12
597 I told you we would get you a brother for Christmas. 1.3989 0.04559 188 127 47 14
598 We love you both equally, but his posts do get a lot more likes 1.3978 0.04592 186 126 46 14
599 Little Lord Spotleroy has social media because he’s old enough, remember? 1.3978 0.04997 181 128 34 19
600 Donald, this is the only volunteer who committed to play with you. 1.3978 0.04680 181 123 44 14
601 Maybe if you weren't so grumpy I'd call you a good boy too! 1.3978 0.04680 181 123 44 14
602 This is why we can’t leave dirty clothes on the floor. 1.3978 0.04680 181 123 44 14
603 K-9 school is formal. Pre-K is not. Just go with it. 1.3978 0.04935 181 127 36 18
604 It was Fido's Obedience School graduation. Don't worry, you'll go back to school some day, too! 1.3978 0.04809 181 125 40 16
605 Why are you so upset? It doesn’t fit you anymore. 1.3977 0.04654 171 114 46 11
606 Good dog! Bad boy! 1.3975 0.04808 161 110 39 12
607 Do you want to go into your crate? 1.3974 0.05405 151 106 30 15
608 Be nice. According to 23andMe he's your third cousin twice removed. 1.3972 0.05315 141 96 34 11
609 He’s your brother from my first wife. 1.3967 0.04689 184 126 43 15
610 You’re my second best friend. 1.3967 0.04752 184 127 41 16
611 It's only okay for dogs to sniff their friends' butts. 1.3967 0.04752 184 127 41 16
612 Puppy for your birthday; little brother for Christmas. These are the joys of being born on December 25th. 1.3967 0.04689 184 126 43 15
613 He's my best friend. You're still my son. 1.3967 0.04752 184 127 41 16
614 C'mon Joey, don't be mad, Rex wants you to be his emotional support human. 1.3967 0.04689 184 126 43 15
615 You know something, you’re right! You SHOULD be able to attend obedience school too! 1.3967 0.04561 184 124 47 13
616 Now Bobby, you know how you've always said you wanted a puppy and a little brother? 1.3966 0.04781 179 123 41 15
617 C'mon, Billy, you and I are jeans and t-shirt guys, not like 'mr. fancy pants' here. 1.3966 0.04648 179 121 45 13
618 Sorry son, only Mr. Kibbles gets rewarded for going potty outside. 1.3966 0.04974 179 126 35 18
619 Son, I just feel like his education is the better investment. 1.3966 0.04715 179 122 43 14
620 Well, he’s technically your older brother. 1.3964 0.04689 169 113 45 11
621 It’s ok Tommy, you just don’t remember when you were young enough to shit in the yard. 1.3963 0.05162 164 115 33 16
622 You'll get a treat too once you've graduated from obedience school. 1.3956 0.04391 182 120 52 10
623 Sorry son, but he's my best friend. 1.3956 0.04974 182 129 34 19
624 Don’t worry, you’re both rescues. 1.3956 0.04460 182 121 50 11
625 Well at least one of you comes from good breeding. 1.3956 0.04594 182 123 46 13
626 It’s okay son, you were BOTH adopted! 1.3956 0.04659 182 124 44 14
627 If you whine any more Donald, I dress you up like rufus. 1.3951 0.04981 162 111 38 13
628 Unlike you, he is potty trained and obeys commands. He gets to ride Shotgun 1.3946 0.04605 185 126 45 14
629 Guess who didn’t wet the bed last night? 1.3944 0.04694 180 123 43 14
630 A lot of doors will open with an obedience degree. 1.3944 0.04491 180 120 49 11
631 Do we need to send you to obedience school? Look at how well Bentley is behaving. 1.3944 0.04824 180 125 39 16
632 It's okay, buddy. We can't all have our tail in the back. 1.3944 0.04694 180 123 43 14
633 I don't think that "small wiener" comment was directed at you. 1.3944 0.04824 180 125 39 16
634 You never wore it, Andy and Sparky loves it. 1.3944 0.04951 180 127 35 18
635 Sorry, but your pre-school doesn’t have a best in show category.” 1.3944 0.05014 180 128 33 19
636 I don't care if he bit you first: say "I'm sorry". 1.3944 0.04491 180 120 49 11
637 I told you. Behave, or we're sending you to obedience school just like Bentley here. 1.3944 0.04760 180 124 41 15
638 We'll buy you nice clothes when you learn to go on the paper 1.3944 0.04888 180 126 37 17
639 I set up this playdate & you don’t have to wear your mask! 1.3944 0.04760 180 124 41 15
640 You just have to accept it, not everyone looks good in Thom Browne. 1.3941 0.04957 170 118 37 15
641 Jimmy, your teacher was upset because YOU pooped on the ground also. 1.3939 0.04991 165 114 37 14
642 C'mon Timmy, if Baxter can wear it to church then so can you." 1.3938 0.05023 160 110 37 13
643 I told you. I do NOT have a favorite. 1.3934 0.04639 183 125 44 14
644 Daddy confused 'tutor' and 'neuter', but I said I was sorry. 1.3934 0.04829 183 128 38 17
645 Cheer up. At least now you’ll have a friend at obedience school. 1.3934 0.04639 183 125 44 14
646 That's the deal. He won the race, he gets to wear the suit. 1.3934 0.04639 183 125 44 14
647 Son, you had your shot and wouldn't wear the outfit, so we gave it to Max. 1.3933 0.05258 150 104 33 13
648 Ok, we’ll get ice cream right after his piano recital. 1.3933 0.04628 178 123 41 14
649 Now Billy, Fido called 'shotgun' first. You'll just have to ride in the back of the pickup. 1.3931 0.05297 145 100 33 12
650 I think we all know which one of you has been a good boy 1.3929 0.04779 168 114 42 12
651 We love you, but he can fetch. 1.3929 0.04926 168 116 38 14
652 You know Daddy loves you both the same. 1.3929 0.04550 168 111 48 9
653 Oh, come on - a dog park is still a park. 1.3929 0.04926 168 116 38 14
654 And you can be our favorite human child. 1.3929 0.05138 168 119 32 17
655 Maybe next year, son, you should ask Santa for something that doesn't have the ability to listen and behave better than you. 1.3929 0.05138 168 119 32 17
656 Hey... don’t pout...you can be my OTHER best friend. 1.3929 0.04926 168 116 38 14
657 There’s something you should know about your new stepmom Billy 1.3929 0.04779 168 114 42 12
658 Nobody’s going to believe he’s an exchange student 1.3920 0.04338 176 115 53 8
659 Buster won Best In Show he gets to ride up front on the way home. 1.3911 0.04774 179 124 40 15
660 Santa misunderstood your wish for a dog with a trim coat. 1.3911 0.04840 179 125 38 16
661 Well, if YOU had gotten best in class, you might have gotten special treatment, too. 1.3911 0.04774 179 124 40 15
662 It's okay -he`s not mad at you for eating his homework. 1.3911 0.04968 179 127 34 18
663 Daddy loves you both equally but think of Toby as my domesticated son and today you are really acting an awful lot like his feral brother. 1.3911 0.04774 179 124 40 15
664 They don’t fit you anymore, Waffles needs these for his bark mitzvah 1.3911 0.04433 179 119 50 10
665 At least your brother knows not to talk back. 1.3911 0.04641 179 122 44 13
666 Look! Santa DID bring you a little brother! 1.3911 0.04641 179 122 44 13
667 Muffy wasn't upset when I told her SHE was adopted 1.3908 0.04662 174 118 44 12
668 Don't worry, you can be teacher's pet next week. 1.3908 0.04733 174 119 42 13
669 I want you both to sniff and make up. 1.3908 0.04443 174 115 50 9
670 Now Billy, we don’t make fun of Malcolm because he’s adopted. 1.3908 0.04662 174 118 44 12
671 It’ll be fun. I’ll hold onto his paw, and you’ll hold onto your Pa. 1.3908 0.04662 174 118 44 12
672 I know, but his obedience school has a strict dress code. 1.3908 0.04517 174 116 48 10
673 Of course I love you equally...just differently. 1.3908 0.04939 174 122 36 16
674 C'mon. You don't see Rex scowling about obedience school. 1.3908 0.04517 174 116 48 10
675 Well, he does need to look good during my zoom meetings. 1.3908 0.04733 174 119 42 13
676 I know he doesn’t fetch, but wait ‘til you see his table manners! 1.3908 0.04733 174 119 42 13
677 Don't be mad, the dog park has a new dress code. 1.3908 0.04590 174 117 46 11
678 Mommy and I told you. Fraternal twins - not identical. 1.3908 0.04662 174 118 44 12
679 Well yes, he is our favorite but we love you too. 1.3906 0.04662 192 134 41 17
680 He did your homework, didn't he? 1.3904 0.04992 146 98 39 9
681 Winston can hear the difference between Smetana and Dvorak. 1.3898 0.05650 118 80 30 8
682 Why can't you be more like your dog? 1.3895 0.04625 172 116 45 11
683 The government will probably pay for your tuition at private school if you get the vaccine too. It’s just one shot, son, and look, your brother’s fine. 1.3895 0.04840 172 119 39 14
684 Don’t worry, he’s only my therapy child. 1.3886 0.04569 175 118 46 11
685 Of course you’re adopted! 1.3886 0.04848 175 122 38 15
686 Now that you're not walking on all fours, you can get a suit too! 1.3886 0.04641 175 119 44 12
687 I keep telling you, Tommy, this is his birthday suit! 1.3882 0.04430 170 112 50 8
688 Of course we still love you 1.3882 0.04807 170 117 40 13
689 I know he is a dog dressed up as a boy, but you wouldn't wear the outfit that Grandma sent! 1.3882 0.04734 170 116 42 12
690 You’re right Jimmy, she is a bitch. 1.3882 0.04807 170 117 40 13
691 You wanted a brother, we wanted a dog, this is a win-win. 1.3882 0.04734 170 116 42 12
692 I understand you only had him for 2 years but he's 24 now and is off to college. 1.3882 0.04734 170 116 42 12
693 You need to get into a good obedience school. 1.3882 0.04949 170 119 36 15
694 Sorry,this year it's take your *favorite kid to work day. 1.3882 0.04878 170 118 38 14
695 Here’s Mommy’s answer to the baby brother request. 1.3882 0.04734 170 116 42 12
696 You said you wanted a new dog and a little brother. 1.3882 0.04660 170 115 44 11
697 Don't be angy, you're Daddy's "Good Boy" too. 1.3882 0.04660 170 115 44 11
698 don't worry Timmy, I won't cut off your balls too. 1.3882 0.05088 170 121 32 17
699 Sorry son, we can only afford private school for one of you. 1.3882 0.05156 170 122 30 18
700 Bring up those grades so you can get into Eton like your brother. 1.3878 0.05239 147 102 33 12
701 Except for his food and water bowls, you'll have to learn to share. 1.3876 0.04654 178 122 43 13
702 You can’t have a puppy, Noah. That would be weird. 1.3875 0.05392 160 116 26 18
703 Sorry Donald but he won... This is the Nobel Prize Wiener 1.3869 0.05131 168 120 31 17
704 Donald! Why can't you be a good boy like Romney here. Romney's a good boy! 1.3869 0.05131 168 120 31 17
705 I've told you, Timmy. Your stepbrother gets seven birthdays because of dog years. 1.3869 0.04845 168 116 39 13
706 It's not that he wear's it well. It's that he wears it at all. 1.3869 0.04771 168 115 41 12
707 Due to social distancing your mother and I weren’t able to give you a little brother this year. 1.3869 0.04918 168 117 37 14
708 Tommy, there's a good reason why we wear our pants this way and Scooter wears his backwards. 1.3869 0.04845 168 116 39 13
709 Once you learn how to fetch things, I will play with you too! 1.3869 0.04918 168 117 37 14
710 He had a reaction to the vaccine but he Is still your brother 1.3869 0.04771 168 115 41 12
711 Donny, just pretend he's your brother from another mother! 1.3869 0.04918 168 117 37 14
712 See how nice someone can be when they’ve gone to obedience school. 1.3869 0.04619 168 113 45 10
713 I know it's a word for a female dog. I still don't want you calling your sister that. 1.3869 0.04918 168 117 37 14
714 That's silly! Who told you you're adopted?! 1.3869 0.04845 168 116 39 13
715 Fido can fetch. You were Born to Kvetch. 1.3869 0.04845 168 116 39 13
716 Sorry son, but based on all the attention I'm getting from the cute school moms, I'm sticking with the dog in the suit instead. 1.3869 0.04619 168 113 45 10
717 Just because he put on his own clothes doesn't mean you can poop in the yard. 1.3869 0.04771 168 115 41 12
718 I promise, you’ll get a treat too. 1.3869 0.04695 168 114 43 11
719 Get it together, Jeremy. Your brother somehow manages to tuck his shirt in and hold my hand, and he doesn't even have thumbs. 1.3862 0.05287 145 101 32 12
720 You know the rules: you have to behave seven time longer than the dog. 1.3861 0.04977 158 109 37 12
721 You can have your suit back as soon as Daddy makes the TikTok video. 1.3860 0.04711 171 117 42 12
722 We’ve promoted Rex and you’ll be reporting into him now. 1.3860 0.04487 171 114 48 9
723 Who’s a good boy!? Now walk Max to his first day at Harvard. 1.3857 0.05325 140 97 32 11
724 THIS is how you dress for success! 1.3846 0.04441 169 112 49 8
725 Just think in about a decade, you’ll be the only child again. 1.3846 0.05244 143 99 33 11
726 Play nice or you'll be neutered too. 1.3846 0.05429 143 101 29 13
727 I know you wanted a brother, but he listens when I tell him to do things and no college debt! 1.3846 0.04361 169 111 51 7
728 It's not nice to make fun of what a person is wearing.....or the fact that they're not a person. 1.3841 0.04960 151 103 38 10
729 Who’s also a good boy? 1.3832 0.04785 167 115 40 12
730 You can have his room once he leaves to crew for Oxford." 1.3832 0.04785 167 115 40 12
731 Now you know why we had the divorce. 1.3831 0.05228 154 109 31 14
732 I know it’s your suit son, but he gets more likes when he wears it. 1.3831 0.04978 154 106 37 11
733 He gets nicer clothes because you still pee on the rug. 1.3830 0.05099 141 96 36 9
734 Sure, but you have opposable thumbs. 1.3826 0.05181 149 104 33 12
735 He gets nicer clothes than you because he doesn’t outgrow them, not because we love him more. I mean, we do, but that’s not why he gets nicer clothes. 1.3818 0.04823 165 114 39 12
736 This will prepare you for the dog-eat-dog world. 1.3818 0.04746 165 113 41 11
737 There could only be one best boy. 1.3818 0.04423 165 109 49 7
738 Sorry, but they only let me bring one kid to "Bring Your Child to Work" Day. 1.3818 0.05120 165 118 31 16
739 Son, Baxter is confused because of the pandemic. He’ll go back to being a dog once you go back to school. 1.3818 0.05048 165 117 33 15
740 I don’t get it. Every time I ring the bell, your brother does his school work. How is this so hard for you? 1.3815 0.04595 173 118 44 11
741 Of course, we can still play ball together, son. 1.3813 0.05441 139 98 29 12
742 He’s only older than you in dog years. 1.3813 0.05146 139 95 35 9
743 Well, if you hadn't rejected Gran-Gran's Buster Brown Christmas outfit maybe you would have been the one to go viral on Tik-Tok. 1.3810 0.05317 147 104 30 13
744 You think this is amazing? Wait until you hear him bark in French. 1.3810 0.04762 168 116 40 12
745 Son I’m sorry we left you at the kennel, and dropped Charlie off at boarding school, but it’s for your own good 1.3810 0.05123 168 121 30 17
746 Trust me, you don’t want the procedure Fido just had. 1.3810 0.04610 168 114 44 10
747 He identifies as a human now 1.3810 0.04909 168 118 36 14
748 No, you can’t have a hot dog. 1.3806 0.05436 155 113 25 17
749 But you don’t go to private school. 1.3804 0.05015 163 115 34 14
750 Be a good boy and fetch the newspaper. 1.3804 0.05090 163 116 32 15
751 Today is his day. Tomorrow we'll go to the human park. 1.3804 0.04622 163 110 44 9
752 Happens every year, Billy. He'll keep his resolution until the first hydrant you pass, then it's back on a leash by tomorrow! 1.3804 0.04622 163 110 44 9
753 Well now Michael, ‘usurper’ is quite a big word for a five-year-old! 1.3804 0.04939 163 114 36 13
754 Even though Mr. Woofles is insta-famous and pays for our house, you’re special, too. 1.3804 0.05015 163 115 34 14
755 We still love you, Timmy. He just dresses so well and was so much easier to housebreak. 1.3804 0.04540 163 109 46 8
756 I know it's a little odd, but this is the closest thing to a little brother you're gonna get! 1.3804 0.04939 163 114 36 13
757 Just because he is adopted doesn’t mean he isn’t your brother. 1.3804 0.04622 163 110 44 9
758 Sorry son, but you’ll get your own suit once your TikTok video hits 1M 1.3804 0.04939 163 114 35 13
759 I also thought he meant something different when he said he wanted to be fetching 1.3804 0.05164 163 117 30 16
760 Nevertheless, you’re to stop calling him an SOB. 1.3796 0.05037 137 95 33 9
761 You've got to admit, he can pull that look off. 1.3796 0.05592 137 98 26 13
762 Now, now, Bobby, Roscoe's nose is just naturally brown! 1.3795 0.04799 166 115 39 12
763 I love you son, but he's my best friend. 1.3791 0.04819 153 104 40 9
764 Today, he graduates from Obedience School.” 1.3791 0.05037 153 109 31 13
765 But kindergarten is more fun than obedience school. 1.3791 0.04729 153 103 42 8
766 You’re a big boy now, so he’s Daddy’s new chick magnet. 1.3791 0.04908 153 105 38 10
767 She’s not too old to hold hands and she’s almost 77. 1.3789 0.04740 161 110 41 10
768 I know he peed in your shoes. He’s just different. Come on now, tell your little brother you love him. 1.3789 0.04902 161 112 37 12
769 I said, NO biting! 1.3789 0.04902 161 112 37 12
770 ‘We are taking a walk so he can poop not you.’ 1.3788 0.05539 132 93 28 11
771 Don't be upset. You're a good boy too. 1.3780 0.04680 164 112 42 10
772 It was either this or no brother at all. 1.3780 0.04600 164 111 44 9
773 I know you miss mommy, but you need to accept the dog and I are together now. 1.3780 0.04600 164 111 44 9
774 Your mother and I think it is the right time to tell you that you are adopted. 1.3780 0.04680 164 112 42 10
775 I know he looks ridiculous, but we can have the trousers adjusted. 1.3780 0.05064 164 117 32 15
776 Time to get dressed — we’re going to see ‘Hamilton!’ 1.3780 0.04760 164 113 40 11
777 I dress you differently so I can tell you apart! 1.3780 0.04760 164 113 40 11
778 Well, he learned to speak before you, that's why he gets to go to private school. 1.3780 0.04838 164 114 38 12
779 Don't worry Bobby. When you're ready we'll send you to obedience school too. 1.3780 0.04760 164 113 40 11
780 That’s silly, why would you think you were adopted? 1.3780 0.04760 164 113 40 11
781 He’s potty trained and dressed himself. You should take notes son. 1.3780 0.04760 164 113 40 11
782 Now that he has a PhD, he'd rather not chase the balls any more. 1.3780 0.04838 164 114 38 12
783 That's the beauty of it, Tommy. Coco is a puppy AND a successful social media influencer. 1.3780 0.04914 164 115 36 13
784 I'm sorry Billy but I'm not picking up your poop too 1.3780 0.05064 164 117 32 15
785 Yes, he is a dog, but he did up the buttons all by himself! 1.3780 0.04760 164 113 40 11
786 Listen, son, the pandemic has been tough for all of us - just pretend this is your pal Howie 1.3780 0.04680 164 112 42 10
787 Just because Spot is a Good Boy doesn’t make you any less special. 1.3780 0.04838 164 114 38 12
788 Private school costs less than his doggy day care, so for now, he's going to school with you. 1.3780 0.04990 164 116 34 14
789 We were surprised too that Barker took to home-schooling so well. 1.3780 0.04760 164 113 40 11
790 I don’t think I’m the father, either, but we have to be nice. 1.3780 0.04990 164 116 34 14
791 Just go along with it, son, he's refusing to make any more viral videos if we don't pretend he's Prince George. 1.3775 0.05125 151 106 33 12
792 It has all the advantages of a little brother, without the college tuition costs 1.3774 0.05178 159 114 30 15
793 Only obedient boys get to go to the park. 1.3774 0.04861 159 110 38 11
794 When YOU are a good boy, I'll call YOU a good boy. 1.3774 0.04861 159 110 38 11
795 Next year,maybe we will be able to send you both to private school. 1.3774 0.04942 159 111 36 12
796 This is the closest they had to a little brother at the pet store. 1.3774 0.04861 159 110 38 11
797 Come on now, I want TWO good boys. 1.3774 0.04861 159 110 38 11
798 Now why can't you be a good boy? 1.3774 0.04609 159 107 44 8
799 We only had one private-school voucher and, frankly, he had more potential. 1.3774 0.04942 159 111 36 12
800 oh that’s silly . . . now heel 1.3774 0.04902 159 113 33 13
801 He was here first and to be fair: he is cheaper to maintain. 1.3774 0.04609 159 107 44 8
802 That's right, son, I'm dating someone new. 1.3774 0.04861 159 110 38 11
803 Cheer up son, not everyone can be the pick of the litter. 1.3774 0.04694 159 108 42 9
804 I know you’re upset, but we were pet parents long before we were your parents 1.3774 0.04694 159 108 42 9
805 Some days you’re the dog; some days you’re the hydrant. 1.3774 0.05022 159 112 34 13
806 Just because your brother lifts his leg at the park doesn’t mean you get to too 1.3774 0.04778 159 109 40 10
807 It’s okay, you can be man’s second best friend. 1.3774 0.04342 159 104 50 5
808 The TikTok algorithm likes dog content more 1.3774 0.04861 159 110 38 11
809 Sweatheart, you’ll get the same treatment if you learn to love me unconditionally too. 1.3774 0.04942 159 111 36 12
810 honestly it was a fair swap Tommy and the pet shop will take great care of you 1.3774 0.05101 159 113 32 14
811 Because every time we buy you nice clothes, you ruin them. 1.3772 0.04544 167 113 45 9
812 It's simple, sit when I tell you too. 1.3772 0.04700 167 115 41 11
813 What makes you feel like you were adopted? 1.3772 0.04776 167 116 39 12
814 Come on, Timmy, you don't see Prince complaining about obedience, routine, and daily exercise. 1.3768 0.05265 138 96 32 10
815 OK then- it's settled. You say "potat-oh" and he says "woof." 1.3768 0.05462 138 98 28 12
816 True, you’re my son, but he’s my best friend! 1.3766 0.04705 154 104 42 8
817 Now come on, son. Tell Rex you’re sorry you ate his homework. 1.3766 0.05136 154 109 32 13
818 You're the lucky one....You don't have to go to some swanky obedience school. 1.3766 0.05136 154 109 32 13
819 Your brother isn’t teasing you, you’re not supposed to have a tail. 1.3766 0.04882 154 106 38 10
820 Be nice,I bought him this suit because he just got his balls chopped off. 1.3765 0.05182 162 117 29 16
821 Aw c'mon. Be happy for him! It's his first day at puppy school. 1.3765 0.04380 162 107 49 6
822 You're the one who said he was part of the family. 1.3758 0.04644 157 106 43 8
823 Hey, Buddy, cheer up.. he found us through Ancestry .com! 1.3758 0.04901 157 109 37 11
824 Do you see anyone else here being predatory, territorial or aggressive? 1.3758 0.04556 157 105 45 7
825 OK, he has a tail. but you have shoes. Let's call it even. 1.3758 0.05145 157 112 31 14
826 I know you really wanted that bike, Tommy, but Grover peed on it first. 1.3758 0.04901 157 109 37 11
827 He's always been a good boy. 1.3758 0.05301 157 114 27 16
828 Stop acting like the President. 1.3758 0.04984 157 110 35 12
829 Yes son, he does have your old pants on backwards 1.3758 0.05145 157 112 31 14
830 We're all getting used to home schooling. 1.3758 0.04901 157 109 37 11
831 You bit him first! 1.3758 0.04901 157 109 37 11
832 Don't worry, it's not competition. Right now he's Species Confused. 1.3758 0.05065 157 111 33 13
833 Since you outgrew it, I thought he could wear it to his obedience school graduation. 1.3758 0.05065 157 109 32 13
834 She may seem like a bitch, but you and your sister have to learn how to get along. 1.3758 0.05224 157 113 29 15
835 I told him if he promises to feed you, he can keep you. 1.3758 0.04984 157 110 35 12
836 Son, you outgrew it! 1.3758 0.04731 157 107 41 9
837 Come on little dude, let Charlie play on your baseball team. You know he can run faster than you. 1.3758 0.05224 157 113 29 15
838 Now you know he didn't intend to pee on your shoes. He was just excited to see you. 1.3758 0.05301 157 114 27 16
839 Be a good boy and fetch me a beer. 1.3758 0.04901 157 109 37 11
840 C'mon, you're gonna love obedience school! 1.3758 0.04817 157 108 39 10
841 Just go tell Mrs. Smith your sister ate your homework 1.3758 0.05065 157 111 33 13
842 Now, I want you to apologize to Rex for calling him a brown nose. 1.3758 0.05145 157 112 31 14
843 Cory, there’s no reason to be jealous! You’ll always be my only biological son. 1.3758 0.04817 157 113 31 13
844 He identifies himself as your brother, his pronouns are he/him 1.3758 0.04984 157 110 35 12
845 I guess homeschooling hasn’t been as effective for everyone this year. 1.3758 0.05065 157 111 33 13
846 It’s not that I love him more, I just loved him first. 1.3758 0.04496 165 111 46 8
847 Remember he is a lot older than you in dog years. 1.3750 0.04917 160 112 36 12
848 No, you are not a rescue boy. 1.3750 0.05212 136 94 33 9
849 He’s not like us, son. He must have inhereted only your mother’s genes 1.3750 0.04586 160 108 44 8
850 Don’t worry on the internet no one knows he’s a dog. 1.3742 0.05109 155 110 32 13
851 You will always be the pick of the litter to me. 1.3742 0.04856 155 107 38 10
852 I wish you could go to obedience school too. 1.3742 0.04681 155 109 34 11
853 And when you can dress yourself, you'll be a good boy, too. 1.3742 0.04856 155 107 38 10
854 All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others. That's why he gets the suit. 1.3742 0.05026 155 109 34 12
855 Boarding school isn't that bad, just look at Toby. 1.3742 0.05026 155 109 34 12
856 If anyone asks, this is your little brother, Danny... we’ll split the extra $600 60/40... Okay! 50/50! 1.3742 0.04681 155 105 42 8
857 Son, I'm not treating you like the dog. I've been treating him like a child since before you were born. 1.3741 0.05234 139 97 32 10
858 Why Yes! Rover is Daddy's pet. 1.3741 0.05234 139 97 32 10
859 Stop looking upset, apologize, and give back Charles his shoes. 1.3741 0.05031 139 95 36 8
860 But you didn’t like the suit anyway! 1.3741 0.04926 139 94 38 7
861 Tell ya what, Bub, we'll get you a nice new outfit with the next stimulus check, ok? 1.3734 0.04707 158 108 41 9
862 Of course he is your brother from another mother. 1.3734 0.05118 158 113 31 14
863 Don’t get upset, you can try on the cat’s pajamas 1.3734 0.05038 158 112 33 13
864 It's man's best friend, not boy's... 1.3731 0.05262 134 93 32 9
865 And that, Donald, is how you declare extra dependents on your taxes 1.3727 0.05124 161 116 30 15
866 Don't be jealous, who's my original good boy? 1.3727 0.04892 161 113 36 12
867 Don't worry. He's a good boy! 1.3725 0.04984 153 107 35 11
868 He had to sleep outside when he was your age too. 1.3725 0.05069 153 108 33 12
869 You should be happy he’s your older brother. It means we didn’t give up. 1.3721 0.05286 129 89 32 8
870 Yes, you’re a good boy too. 1.3720 0.04590 164 112 43 9
871 He’s only my best friend. You’re my best BOY. 1.3720 0.04590 164 112 43 9
872 Now nobody will think you're twins anymore 1.3718 0.05162 156 112 30 14
873 I'm sorry, but this is how vaccine trials go. You got the placebo, that's all. 1.3718 0.04999 156 110 34 12
874 So you'll have to share toys, but shoes? All yours. 1.3718 0.04831 156 108 38 10
875 Cut it out! ...you wouldn't wear that anyway! 1.3718 0.04567 156 105 44 7
876 Ok Billy, your sister just got her vaccine, time to get yours 1.3718 0.04916 156 109 36 11
877 Timmy, we rescued Fluffy from Brooks Brothers so he wouldn't ever have to dress like this again... 1.3704 0.05335 135 95 30 10
878 Settle down or you go to the kennel. 1.3704 0.05335 135 95 30 10
879 Obedience training will be good for you, son. Just look what it did for Sparky. 1.3701 0.05126 154 110 31 13
880 Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy? Is it you? Is it you? No, it's Cooper! 1.3701 0.05208 154 111 29 14
881 You are the one that wanted a puppy. Now walk Buster to his business meeting. 1.3701 0.05126 154 110 31 13
882 Of course he's not my favourite, Darren. Now run along or Fido will be late for his piano lesson. 1.3701 0.04871 154 107 37 10
883 You'll love Obedience School! 1.3699 0.04427 173 118 46 9
884 And that’s why you should dress for the job you want, not the job you have. 1.3699 0.04577 173 120 42 11
885 In Zoom-school, nobody knows he’s a dog 1.3694 0.05055 157 112 32 13
886 You're a great kid but he's got papers. 1.3694 0.04633 157 107 42 8
887 But he's the one who gives me unqualified love. 1.3694 0.04890 157 110 36 11
888 Yes, you still have to use the toilet! 1.3694 0.04720 157 108 40 9
889 Your only my son, but he’s man’s best friend 1.3694 0.04633 157 107 42 8
890 I hope this is a lesson to you to only ask Santa for a brother OR a puppy. 1.3694 0.04973 157 111 34 12
891 Ok, next time we'll use the indoor toilet. 1.3694 0.04890 157 110 36 11
892 Who wants a T R E A T? 1.3687 0.05064 160 115 31 14
893 Shoes? You're a riot. He doesn't need shoes, he's a dog! 1.3687 0.04826 160 112 37 11
894 You're mom's favorite. Isn't that enough? 1.3687 0.04907 160 113 35 12
895 Now.. Donald... knock it off! She's not your bitch. She's your friend. 1.3687 0.05141 160 116 29 15
896 Sorry, but he's man's best friend. 1.3684 0.05086 152 108 32 12
897 Cheer up, Billy. You have the whole summer together before he has to go back to boarding school. 1.3684 0.05171 133 92 33 8
898 Now, I need you both to stop peeing in trees. 1.3684 0.05594 133 96 25 12
899 Com'n boy, show him how you shake hands. 1.3684 0.05280 133 93 31 9
900 Maybe we both need a few more Pointers. 1.3684 0.05280 133 93 31 9
901 ... because your mother says paternity tests are too expensive. 1.3684 0.05171 152 109 30 13
902 Listen son, if your mother asks, your brother has always looked like this. 1.3677 0.05180 155 112 29 14
903 Meet your new teacher for asynchronous remote math! 1.3676 0.05602 136 99 24 13
904 Don't worry son, you wont have to walk him. He does everything himself-including our taxes. 1.3676 0.05404 136 97 28 11
905 He wants you to be his pet. 1.3676 0.05302 136 96 30 10
906 JOSH, IF YOU DON'T BEHAVE, FIDO WILL GO TO HARVARD, AND YOU WILL BE SENT TO A STATE SCHOOL! 1.3676 0.05199 136 95 32 9
907 You’re right, I should tell it to you more often, but yes, you’re a very good boy too! 1.3675 0.05509 117 81 29 7
908 Magic, huh? Now please change her back... 1.3672 0.05750 128 93 23 12
909 You know the rule. When you're housebroken, you get to pick your outfit. 1.3671 0.04696 158 109 40 9
910 I'm telling you, the clothes don't make the dog. 1.3671 0.04947 158 112 34 12
911 This one is a purebred caucasian. You know how they can be when they don't get their way. 1.3667 0.05131 150 107 31 12
912 C’mon buddy, I was hoping we wouldn’t need the leash today! 1.3667 0.04769 150 103 39 8
913 Still want a puppy? 1.3664 0.05107 131 90 34 7
914 You need to be gentle. This one is not a boxer. 1.3660 0.04885 153 107 36 10
915 You'd better behave or we're replacing you with a cat. 1.3660 0.05058 153 109 32 12
916 He'll eat the veggies off your plate that you don't like. 1.3660 0.04885 153 107 36 10
917 When your IG account gets sponsored we’ll buy you nicer clothes, too. 1.3660 0.04885 153 107 36 10
918 Why can't you be as well behaved as Piper? 1.3660 0.05058 153 109 32 12
919 It’s okay, buddy, you’re Mom’s best friend. 1.3660 0.04885 153 107 36 10
920 -"stop crying or we'll swap your dinners too" 1.3660 0.05143 153 110 30 13
921 Reginald wondered how long he could keep up the charade before the small one discovered his secret... his only hope was the low intelligence of the big one. 1.3660 0.05143 153 110 30 13
922 Well...I'm sorry, but, he was planned... 1.3660 0.05143 153 110 30 13
923 Now you know why you didn’t get a dogie treat. You need to dress up. 1.3650 0.05567 137 100 24 13
924 Just jolly him along til we get to the p-o-u-n-d. 1.3649 0.05087 148 105 32 11
925 Guess who’s adopted? 1.3649 0.04712 148 101 40 7
926 You need to apologize right now for calling your little brother "dog-face". 1.3649 0.04903 148 103 36 9
927 If your Mom can forgive me so can you. 1.3649 0.04903 148 103 36 9
928 No, really, Douglas. I told Mom I like our DOUG better. 1.3649 0.05087 148 105 32 11
929 I don't like it when you call Mommy that! 1.3649 0.05265 148 107 28 13
930 We'll get you the same outfit when you get potty-trained. 1.3649 0.04903 148 103 36 9
931 « It might not seem fair, but you have to keep your front tail covered until we get home. » Lisa H. Portland, Oregon 1.3649 0.04996 148 104 34 10
932 Well Skippy says HE called shotgun first, so... 1.3649 0.04808 148 102 38 8
933 Who’s a good boy, now ! 1.3649 0.04808 148 102 38 8
934 To be fair, when he peed on it, he thought it was his. 1.3649 0.05087 148 105 32 11
935 But Timmy, he says YOU ate his homework 1.3649 0.04996 148 104 34 10
936 Yes, you are both adopted 1.3649 0.05176 148 106 30 12
937 You can do it. little buddy. Heeling is fun! 1.3648 0.04586 159 109 42 8
938 Sure, you know ONE of you is adopted; the question remains which one? 1.3643 0.04988 140 97 35 8
939 He is 35 years old. He can stay up as late as he wants 1.3642 0.04836 151 105 37 9
940 I'm sorry but we can only afford one member of the family in privated school and it aint you sonny. 1.3631 0.05044 157 113 31 13
941 If you keep biting him, he won't want to play with you. 1.3631 0.05044 157 113 31 13
942 Son, you can’t go around showing the other kids your “tail” 1.3630 0.05039 146 103 33 10
943 Instead of eating your homework, he'll help you with it. 1.3630 0.05039 146 103 33 10
944 Of course, he got a raise in his allowance. He's the head of his class in obedience school. 1.3630 0.05223 146 105 29 12
945 No more sulking or it's the cone for you! 1.3630 0.05401 146 107 25 14
946 This year we are all taking a turn in the dog house and this week is yours. 1.3630 0.05132 146 104 31 11
947 He does tricks -- you just eat them. 1.3630 0.04773 135 91 39 5
948 Now I’d like you to shake hands and make up and then maybe roll over. 1.3630 0.04999 135 93 35 7
949 It was your mother’s idea. 1.3630 0.05321 135 96 29 10
950 No, Billy, that's not true. You are not adopted. 1.3623 0.05033 138 96 34 8
951 Just remember to step away if he lifts his hind leg. 1.3623 0.05339 138 99 28 11
952 What's the problem Billy? Remember what I told you and your brother? You have to hold my hand, or I put on your leash. 1.3621 0.05664 116 82 26 8
953 You're still Daddy's SECOND best friend! 1.3617 0.06567 94 68 18 8
954 Don't worry son, you're only fraternal twins! 1.3611 0.05179 144 103 30 11
955 He got to wear the suit today cuz he finished all his dinner last night. 1.3611 0.04987 144 101 33 9
956 Of course I love you more. That's why we dress alike. 1.3611 0.04889 144 100 36 8
957 He thinks he’s Prince George, and we just gotta let him have this one, ok? 1.3611 0.05179 144 103 30 11
958 At least he's potty-trained. 1.3611 0.05084 144 102 32 10
959 Shake, Johnny, shake. Good boy! 1.3611 0.04987 144 101 34 9
960 Those rap songs are not about his mom! 1.3611 0.04889 144 100 36 8
961 If you were a member of the British royal family, you could wear short pants too. 1.3611 0.05084 144 102 32 10
962 Don't worry, he'll never replace you. He's just another suit in this dog eat dog world. 1.3611 0.05179 144 103 30 11
963 You're not losing a father. You're gaining a best friend. 1.3611 0.04987 144 101 34 9
964 See, obedience school could work wonders for you. 1.3611 0.05179 144 103 30 11
965 You are just fraternal twins 1.3611 0.04889 144 100 36 8
966 Come on Son, get the ball 1.3611 0.05084 144 102 32 10
967 You’ll like it at doggie day care, even if there is a dress code 1.3611 0.04987 144 101 34 9
968 Ms. Devos's feasibility study says Skippy will get much more from an education than you. 1.3611 0.05084 144 102 32 10
969 Of course he got more gifts, his birthday is worth 7 of yours. 1.3611 0.05271 144 104 28 12
970 I told you. I love you both equally, even though you're different. For instance, you can talk, and he's a better dresser than you. 1.3611 0.04889 144 100 36 8
971 Don't worry; you're my second-best friend! 1.3611 0.04889 144 100 36 8
972 It’s complicated. 1.3611 0.04889 144 100 36 8
973 We could only afford to send one of you to private school. 1.3611 0.05363 144 105 26 13
974 Mommy and I love you both equally. It’s just that we have higher hopes for him. 1.3611 0.04889 144 100 36 8
975 He peed in the toilet. 1.3611 0.05179 144 103 30 11
976 You said you wanted a brother 1.3611 0.04789 144 99 38 7
977 Why are you angry, you have been asking for a brother for months? 1.3611 0.05084 144 102 32 10
978 I'm sorry Timmy, but there can only be one good boy. 1.3611 0.05271 144 104 28 12
979 See, son? Max was also homeschooled and now he’s graduating. 1.3611 0.05271 144 104 28 12
980 The sibling rivalry of karma and dogma. 1.3611 0.04789 144 99 38 7
981 Why can't you be more like your puppy? 1.3609 0.05045 133 92 34 7
982 That's a good boy! 1.3609 0.05266 133 94 30 9
983 If he has to go to church, you have to go to church. 1.3609 0.05373 133 95 28 10
984 You're adopted. 1.3609 0.05266 133 94 30 9
985 Sure he always wins at fetch, but he's also lousy at walking on two hind legs. 1.3609 0.05156 133 93 32 8
986 Last week your sister was Miss Cranky Pants and look what happened to her! 1.3609 0.05156 133 93 32 8
987 It's OK - your bark is also getting better! 1.3607 0.05342 122 85 30 7
988 It doesn’t fit you anymore. 1.3605 0.05011 147 104 33 10
989 I know it's a lovely suit, but you're too big for it now anyway. Besides, it looks better on him. 1.3605 0.04821 147 102 37 8
990 I don't know why you couldn't have picked up a new trick during quarantine too. 1.3600 0.05611 125 90 25 10
991 Listen, pandemic puppies are expensive and we can really use the extra $600, so quit whining and give your little “brother” a treat. 1.3600 0.05436 125 91 24 10
992 Nonsense! I love you both exactly the same. 1.3596 0.06826 89 65 16 8
993 Okay, big deal, you're allergic to dogs. Just because we can't keep you, doesn't mean you won't find a forever family of your own. 1.3592 0.05130 142 101 31 10
994 Your mother and I feel you'll be every bit as happy as Tuffy was at boarding school." 1.3592 0.05321 142 103 27 12
995 whatever you do, don't tell him he's adopted! 1.3592 0.04724 142 97 39 6
996 I love you both the same. 1.3592 0.05031 142 100 33 9
997 Now, now, you shouldn’t be mad at Buster for being the teacher’s pet. 1.3592 0.05226 142 102 29 11
998 C'mon, Benji. I said I'm sorry, and promise not to switch your food bowls again. 1.3592 0.05130 142 101 31 10
999 I promise, your next shirt will have a collar. 1.3592 0.04829 142 98 37 7
1000 Buddy bit you because you weren't respecting his personal space. 1.3592 0.04617 142 96 41 5
1001 You’ve outgrown it, let him wear it. 1.3592 0.05130 142 101 31 10
1002 Say it, Conner. ‘Rigel is family, not some son-of-a-you-know-what.’ 1.3592 0.05031 142 100 33 9
1003 I think you’re going to be good friends. You’re adopted, too. 1.3592 0.04931 142 99 35 8
1004 Don't be mad, Billy. When daddy gets his old job back, he can send both of you to boarding school! 1.3592 0.05226 142 102 29 11
1005 Son,you have to be tolerant of our dog identifying as your brother. 1.3592 0.05321 142 103 27 12
1006 Son, you're old enough to learn about the facts of life. You'll never grow a tail. 1.3592 0.05130 142 101 31 10
1007 Because he's a lot more obedient than you. 1.3592 0.04829 142 98 37 7
1008 It's okay, Billy. I'm sure you'll be adopted next. 1.3592 0.05505 142 105 23 14
1009 Think of it as your first lesson in diversity training. 1.3592 0.04931 142 99 35 8
1010 C' mon son, it's just one little dance. You should have seen some of the dogs you grandmother fixed me up with! 1.3592 0.05321 142 103 27 12
1011 Sorry Timmy. I meant to say that Barkley is man’s best friend, not my best friend. 1.3592 0.04724 142 97 39 6
1012 I know you’re upset, buddy, but Scruffers’ social media engagement was up 23% this week and that’s why he gets to pick where we go for dinner. 1.3592 0.05321 142 103 27 12
1013 He's top dog, but you're my little man. 1.3592 0.05031 142 100 33 9
1014 It’s just for our TikTok dance. You’ll get it back, don’t worry. 1.3592 0.05414 142 104 25 13
1015 You were born first, but he’s older. 1.3592 0.04931 142 99 35 8
1016 C’mon son, you said you wanted a puppy and I needed an accountant. 1.3592 0.04931 142 99 35 8
1017 Well, you couldn't decide - puppy or little brother. 1.3590 0.05624 117 83 26 8
1018 You might want to try being more obedient. 1.3586 0.05241 145 105 28 12
1019 No, you don't have the same mother! 1.3586 0.04862 145 101 36 8
1020 You outgrew it, Bobby. Get over it. 1.3586 0.04959 145 102 34 9
1021 We had him before you. 1.3586 0.05055 145 103 32 10
1022 And for you, there's always public school. 1.3586 0.04762 145 100 38 7
1023 We don’t love you equally. We love you accordingly. 1.3586 0.04959 145 102 34 9
1024 Look Fido, we got you a little boy to play with. 1.3586 0.05055 145 103 32 10
1025 Calm down. Your brother's bark is worse than his bite. 1.3586 0.05149 145 104 30 11
1026 Go ahead...shake. 1.3586 0.04959 145 102 34 9
1027 Well, it just so happens, he IS a son of a bitch! 1.3586 0.04660 145 99 40 6
1028 Of course I love you as much as Prince. 1.3586 0.05007 145 105 29 11
1029 His YouTube videos earn more than I! So we decided to adopt him 1.3586 0.05149 145 104 30 11
1030 Don’t worry son, your breath smells much better. 1.3586 0.05149 145 104 30 11
1031 Sorry Billy, we can only afford for one of you to go to private school. 1.3586 0.05241 145 105 28 12
1032 # "Now just because we had him first, doesn't mean we like you less." 1.3586 0.05055 145 103 32 10
1033 No, it only works when HE gives me the puppy dog eyes. 1.3582 0.05545 134 98 24 12
1034 He’s not better than you, Timmy...just better dressed. 1.3582 0.05443 134 97 26 11
1035 Are you sure you didn't eat his homework this time? 1.3582 0.05125 134 94 32 8
1036 It's OK. You can be Big Lord Fauntleroy. 1.3581 0.04498 148 105 35 8
1037 Look on the bright side. He doesn’t like mac and cheese. 1.3581 0.04599 148 101 41 6
1038 BECAUSE HE'S OLDER, THAT'S WHY 1.3581 0.04795 148 103 37 8
1039 No Chester, you’re only fraternal twins. 1.3581 0.04698 148 102 39 7
1040 It was at this very moment, locked away in his subconscious, that Johnny realized his parents were a little different 1.3577 0.05552 123 88 26 9
1041 You've got to admit that he's more fashion conscious. 1.3577 0.05256 137 98 29 10
1042 But it’s not your turn to be President. 1.3577 0.05457 137 100 25 12
1043 No, he's not a sissy. He's just well-bred. 1.3571 0.04974 140 98 34 8
1044 Why can’t you be more like Endicott? 1.3571 0.04974 140 98 34 8
1045 I know... but they really don't fit you any more. 1.3571 0.04974 140 98 34 8
1046 What do you care? You know you've outgrown that suit. 1.3571 0.04974 140 98 34 8
1047 He just has a better pedigree.. 1.3571 0.04974 140 98 34 8
1048 Stop fighting it Chip, he got an A in Obedience. 1.3571 0.04869 140 97 36 7
1049 You can’t call her that, she’s your sister. 1.3571 0.05076 140 99 32 9
1050 But you too are a good boy! 1.3571 0.05176 140 100 30 10
1051 He can't even HAVE chocolate 1.3571 0.04869 140 97 36 7
1052 Billy, this was the closest they had to Stuart Little 1.3571 0.05176 140 100 30 10
1053 It's not so bad. You at least have opposable thumbs. 1.3571 0.05076 140 99 32 9
1054 I don't know why you're so jealous. You're both adopted. 1.3571 0.05176 140 100 30 10
1055 Just one Instagram post for mommy and that's it. I promise. 1.3571 0.04763 140 96 38 6
1056 He is MY therapy dog, and you can't touch him! 1.3571 0.05098 126 87 33 6
1057 He sits, stays and begs - what do you do? 1.3571 0.05176 140 100 30 10
1058 Obedience school will be great for you also. 1.3571 0.05176 140 100 30 10
1059 You always said that you wanted a dog. 1.3571 0.05371 140 102 26 12
1060 You're not upset because I named him Edward Junior, are you Rex? 1.3571 0.05275 140 101 28 11
1061 But Mom and I DID get you a dog. 1.3571 0.04869 140 97 36 7
1062 Well he’s doing it, and he was raised by wolves. 1.3571 0.04869 140 97 36 7
1063 Billy, just throw the ball and say "fetch!" You'll get it back. 1.3571 0.04763 140 96 38 6
1064 I’m sorry Timmy, but we can only afford to send one of you to boarding school. 1.3571 0.05275 140 101 28 11
1065 I knew we should have stopped after one. 1.3571 0.05076 140 99 32 9
1066 Oh great, another totally untrained Therapy Boy. 1.3571 0.05176 140 100 30 10
1067 When you're an adult, and April 15th rolls around, you'll want as many dependents as you can get. 1.3571 0.04974 140 98 34 8
1068 The teacher’s pet did not eat your homework. 1.3566 0.05100 143 102 31 10
1069 No you're still my favorite, Lucky just got accepted at a better school than you did. 1.3566 0.05195 143 102 29 11
1070 You can have your dog back as soon as we finish this TikTok! 1.3566 0.05289 143 104 27 12
1071 I don’t know why you think I love him more...I love all dogs more. 1.3566 0.04903 143 100 35 8
1072 No, Timmy, for the last time this isn’t your sister after getting the vaccine. 1.3565 0.06075 115 85 19 11
1073 I still love you son, but your Dad can only have one best friend. 1.3562 0.04464 160 110 43 7
1074 I don’t play favorites, he just brought me more joy in 2020. 1.3562 0.05026 146 104 32 10
1075 He didn't eat his own homework. 1.3561 0.05060 132 92 33 7
1076 You’re good enough, smart enough, and doggone it, people like you. 1.3561 0.05498 132 96 25 11
1077 This is who you'll be competing against for my love and attention. 1.3559 0.05584 118 84 26 8
1078 Sharing is caring, Billy. Look how cute he looks in your clothes!” 1.3556 0.05201 135 96 30 9
1079 Life lesson 1: It’s a dog’s world! 1.3556 0.05201 135 96 30 9
1080 Now, lick and make up. 1.3556 0.04984 135 94 34 7
1081 Have you ever won me five grand? 1.3551 0.05224 138 99 29 10
1082 You're so lucky. He was the last one left in the pet shop. 1.3551 0.05018 138 97 33 8
1083 Jimmy, I know that Ranger got to poop in the grass, but you have to wait until we get home. 1.3551 0.05325 138 100 27 11
1084 Perhaps not the sibling you envisioned, but he will grow on you. 1.3551 0.05325 138 100 27 11
1085 Oh, come on Billy... He may be cuter than you, smarter than you and dressed better than you, but YOU'RE still my son. 1.3551 0.04802 138 95 37 6
1086 He passed obedience school. You didn't, so he gets the suit. 1.3551 0.04577 138 93 41 4
1087 Come on son, be a good sport. You never liked that suit anyway. 1.3551 0.05122 138 98 31 9
1088 We will buy you another suit ,ok ? 1.3551 0.05122 138 98 31 9
1089 We love both of you equally. But it's just that your brother gets us more likes on social media. 1.3551 0.05122 138 98 31 9
1090 No Donnie, we're not counting the sticks again. Rags won fair and square. 1.3551 0.05122 138 98 31 9
1091 Don't tell your mother but I accidently left your brother at the dog shelter and took fido by mistake. 1.3551 0.05224 138 99 29 10
1092 C’mon now - let’s shake and make up. There’s no way this good little boy is the one who stole your ball. 1.3551 0.05122 138 98 31 9
1093 Fluffy didn’t mean to bite you. Next time be sure to use their chosen personal pronoun. 1.3551 0.05018 138 97 33 8
1094 C'mon. You know you've outgrown it. 1.3551 0.05224 138 99 29 10
1095 Unacceptable Donald. Sparky is right. Never bite the hand that feeds you. 1.3551 0.05122 138 98 31 9
1096 Listen son, Mom tried for a baby brother for you, but this is the best she could do. 1.3551 0.05018 138 97 33 8
1097 No, Richie, this is a Dachshund, not a Chihuahua. Please stop stamping your feet and shouting about building a wall. 1.3551 0.05423 138 101 25 12
1098 What say we go the park only this time you get to chase the squirrels. 1.3551 0.05018 138 97 33 8
1099 Now tell him your sorry you ate his treat. 1.3551 0.05122 138 98 31 9
1100 OK, So, maybe, he is the Alpha Male, but, he can’t eat chocolate! 1.3551 0.05423 138 101 25 12
1101 Don't feel bad. To me you're all best in show 1.3551 0.05122 138 98 31 9
1102 We've been over this. He gets your clothes, you sleep in his basket. 1.3551 0.05325 138 100 27 11
1103 Don’t worry, a Mormon Mission is only a few months in dog years, he’ll be back before you know it. 1.3551 0.05224 138 99 29 10
1104 Donald I told you many times. The count is over and Joe is now our favorite. 1.3551 0.05224 138 99 29 10
1105 ‘Listen Jimmy, he shits on the floor because he’s a dog. You do it out of sheer defiance’ 1.3551 0.05224 138 99 29 10
1106 Why cant you be more like your brother? He’s a good boy. 1.3548 0.06422 93 67 19 7
1107 Yes, but you've got some nice new shoes 1.3546 0.04945 141 99 34 8
1108 He EARNED those clothes. 1.3546 0.05146 141 101 30 10
1109 Your brothers adopted. 1.3546 0.05146 141 101 30 10
1110 Because when I ask him to fetch something, he does. 1.3546 0.05526 141 105 22 14
1111 Did you eat your brother’s homework? 1.3546 0.04945 141 99 34 8
1112 No, I said tutored. 1.3546 0.05243 141 102 28 11
1113 He just wants you to apologize for saying he was adopted. 1.3546 0.05243 141 102 28 11
1114 It’s just not fair, he’s had like 4 birthdays this year!! 1.3546 0.04517 141 95 42 4
1115 Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy now 1.3546 0.04945 141 99 34 8
1116 Remember, Bobby: Always dress for the treat you want, not for the treat you have. 1.3546 0.04945 141 99 34 8
1117 C'mon Timmy, you'll love the dog park. You got to choose last week! 1.3546 0.04627 141 96 40 5
1118 Clearly, he paid more attention to my ‘be a good boy’ this year. 1.3546 0.04517 141 95 42 4
1119 Hey, look at the big picture, you are likely to outlive him by 70 years. 1.3538 0.04988 130 90 34 6
1120 Now, now Bobby—I'm sure that when Bingo said 'who's a bitch now?', he meant it as a compliment. 1.3538 0.05106 130 91 32 7
1121 I know you don't like to share your stuff, but you have to admit he wears it better than you do. 1.3538 0.05106 130 91 32 7
1122 Just because he's not wearing his mask, doesn't mean you don't have to. 1.3534 0.05140 133 94 31 8
1123 My matchmaker said walking a dog and a child would increase my odds...Now let’s go! 1.3529 0.05063 136 96 32 8
1124 And when you're a good boy, you can wear the suit. 1.3525 0.04988 139 98 33 8
1125 Sure he beat you. He is a Boxer. 1.3525 0.04882 139 97 35 7
1126 You know I love the two of you just the same. 1.3525 0.05193 139 100 29 10
1127 Believe me, son, you don't want to get neutered, too. 1.3525 0.05486 139 103 23 13
1128 Play nice with your brother, even though he is a son of a bitch. 1.3525 0.05292 139 101 27 11
1129 Just this once, you be the one to go fetch the stick. 1.3525 0.04664 139 95 39 5
1130 C'mon, just tap dance with him for one minute so I can put it on Tik Tok. 1.3525 0.04774 139 96 37 6
1131 When are you going to be more like your brother? 1.3525 0.05092 139 99 31 9
1132 Cheer up. You’re my second-best friend. 1.3525 0.04988 139 98 33 8
1133 If your mother wasn't such a bitch, you'd have a normal brother. 1.3525 0.05292 139 101 27 11
1134 Don’t pout. Your life expectancy is seven times what his is. 1.3525 0.05390 139 102 25 12
1135 Please Brian, act Normal. We need this sibling discount to work. " 1.3525 0.05092 139 99 31 9
1136 He’s so well behaved. There’s no way he ate your homework. 1.3525 0.04988 139 98 33 8
1137 Well, he's a little gentleman and you're not. 1.3525 0.04988 139 98 33 8
1138 We talked about this yesterday buddy. He doesn't need to wear shoes but you can take yours off as soon as we get home. 1.3525 0.05193 139 100 29 10
1139 He's sorry he forgot it was casual Friday. 1.3525 0.04882 139 97 35 7
1140 We enrolled him in finishing day care. 1.3525 0.05092 139 99 31 9
1141 Ruff aced his obedience school exam so mommy and I decided to let you go. 1.3525 0.05390 139 102 25 12
1142 Don't make me put your leash on! 1.3525 0.05092 139 99 31 9
1143 You weren’t wearing it and it’s Rover’s first day at obedience School. 1.3525 0.04882 139 97 35 7
1144 Well, if you’re good, you can wear the “good boy” suit. 1.3525 0.05092 139 99 31 9
1145 Honey,it was a joke! Of course I don't think mommy's a b****. 1.3525 0.05390 139 102 25 12
1146 Hey buddy - second best friend is still really good! 1.3525 0.05092 139 99 31 9
1147 You'll like obedience school. Just ask your sister. 1.3525 0.05193 139 100 29 10
1148 Come on now, be my emotional support child. 1.3525 0.05092 139 99 31 9
1149 It’s alright, we’ll practice the trick again tomorrow and maybe you can get a treat too. 1.3525 0.05092 139 99 31 9
1150 I'll tell you wha. Next time you can eat his homework. 1.3525 0.04882 139 97 35 7
1151 What's with the 2020 attitude? 1.3525 0.05142 139 102 26 11
1152 Cheer up,Charlie. I told you this would happen when you quit piano lessons in the first place. 1.3525 0.04551 139 94 41 4
1153 I know, he’s always overdressed for these things. 1.3525 0.05092 139 99 31 9
1154 Don't worry kid, you are a good boy too. Just not that good. 1.3525 0.04882 139 97 35 7
1155 He's just more suited to the pedagogy of a private school education. 1.3525 0.05486 139 103 23 13
1156 When you get your anger management issues under control you'll get to wear cute outfits too. 1.3525 0.05092 139 99 31 9
1157 Billy,please stop telling your brother babies don’t come from the rescue shelter. 1.3525 0.04988 139 98 33 8
1158 Oh, come on. You outgrew it last year. 1.3525 0.05092 139 99 31 9
1159 Okay, we’ll switch names. You can be Rodney and he’ll be Fido. 1.3525 0.04774 139 96 37 6
1160 Sorry son, dog is man's best friend. 1.3525 0.04882 139 97 35 7
1161 Timmy, it’s my job to be your parent—not your best friend. 1.3525 0.05092 139 99 31 9
1162 “Why can’t you be more like your brother? See, he’s so well behaved” 1.3525 0.05092 139 99 31 9
1163 We even got you a classmate while you learn from home! 1.3525 0.05092 139 99 31 9
1164 Hey, buddy, he already apologized for calling you "adopted." 1.3525 0.05092 139 99 31 9
1165 I asked you to attend obedience school. 1.3525 0.04774 139 96 37 6
1166 It looks like someone else also had a “ruff” day. 1.3525 0.05390 139 102 25 12
1167 You have to be more specific Billy, Daisy didn't know you wanted to play football when you told her to suit up 1.3525 0.05193 139 100 29 10
1168 see all the good that obedience school did for coco 1.3525 0.04882 139 97 35 7
1169 There's no shame in being man's second best friend. 1.3525 0.04988 139 98 33 8
1170 I'm sorry, but the dog makes more money on the internet. 1.3525 0.04882 139 97 35 7
1171 There there; now be a good boy like your brother. 1.3525 0.04882 139 97 35 7
1172 Try to behave at nursery today, or we'll be taking you to see Dr Pavlov too 1.3525 0.05292 139 101 27 11
1173 Time for your walks! Daddy’s got 5 more Zooms today 1.3525 0.05292 139 101 27 11
1174 You're a good boy. It's just that Rudy is WAY better. 1.3525 0.04988 139 98 33 8
1175 Which one of you shit on the carpet? 1.3525 0.05486 139 103 23 13
1176 You’re a good boy, you really are. You’re just not the goodest boy 1.3525 0.05092 139 99 31 9
1177 He’s got four A levels, Simon! 1.3525 0.04882 139 97 35 7
1178 No, you cannot play "go fetch". 1.3517 0.04646 145 100 39 6
1179 Look, if you were known as "man's best friend," then I would like you more. 1.3517 0.05228 145 106 27 12
1180 I'm sorry, but we have to re-home you. 1.3507 0.05217 134 96 29 9
1181 Don't take it personally Russell. 'Good boy' is something you just say automatically to dogs. 1.3507 0.04998 134 94 33 7
1182 You had four years to be my son, Donald. It’s Buddy’s turn now, ok? 1.3507 0.05324 134 97 27 10
1183 Because when he does it, it's cute. 1.3507 0.04884 134 93 35 6
1184 Remember, a deal is a deal. He wears your clothes today and tomorrow you poop in the park. 1.3504 0.05032 137 97 32 8
1185 Come on Johnny, Precious is just the name he came with from the shelter. 1.3504 0.05241 137 99 28 10
1186 Fuss all you want; his PSAT scores were better than your's, too. 1.3500 0.05507 120 86 26 8
1187 When I said he was a member of the family, I meant it. 1.3500 0.05378 120 85 28 7
1188 Well, it is your turn to fetch the ball.... 1.3490 0.04658 149 104 38 7
1189 If Rover can learn to be a good boy, I'm sure you can, too. 1.3490 0.04849 149 106 34 9
1190 Badly dressed, misbehaved… My humans are an embarrassment… 1.3488 0.05574 129 95 23 11
1191 Now Jimmy, Sparky got a scholarship and you didn't. You'll like public school. 1.3485 0.05156 132 94 30 8
1192 Come on Son, who is really to blame when a pointing finger gets bit? 1.3485 0.04927 132 92 34 6
1193 Don't feel bad, Liam, I know everyone says Vincent got mommy's looks but you have her personality. 1.3485 0.05156 132 94 30 8
1194 He doesn’t ask questions. 1.3485 0.05267 132 95 28 9
1195 Having different fire hydrant privileges doesn't mean I don't love you both. 1.3485 0.05043 132 93 32 7
1196 Henry, it’s not nice to call your sister a bitch. 1.3485 0.05156 132 94 30 8
1197 You can wear the suit next week. 1.3485 0.05156 132 94 30 8
1198 Don’t call your stepmother that. 1.3485 0.05156 132 94 30 8
1199 Be nice to your brother, Jimmy. He’s a pure breed. 1.3485 0.05376 132 96 26 10
1200 Ok, so the in vitro didn't exactly work, but your mother and I still love both of you. 1.3485 0.05267 132 95 28 9
1201 Cheer up! At least you're not the middle child. 1.3485 0.05043 132 93 32 7
1202 This IS the new normal 1.3485 0.04927 132 92 34 6
1203 cheer up bud, all you gotta do is start listening 1.3485 0.05212 132 97 25 10
1204 I am sorry but I couldn't afford to send both of you to Training Camp ! 1.3481 0.05394 135 99 25 11
1205 Look my dear, no need to be anxious, the vaccine is perfectly safe.. Back in our days, your mom and I got it and look how nice your baby brother turned out. 1.3478 0.05107 138 99 30 9
1206 I know you miss your friends, but meet Rover! He's just as desperate as you are for human contact and at least he can't give you Covid 1.3475 0.05565 118 85 25 8
1207 Hey,buddy... he was easier to train. 1.3471 0.05341 121 86 28 7
1208 What can I say? Your mother was a bitch. 1.3462 0.05429 130 95 25 10
1209 Jealousy is normal, Timmy. But be glad you got the recessive genes. 1.3462 0.05204 130 93 29 8
1210 And you expect me to believe that he pooped in the garden? 1.3459 0.05124 133 95 30 8
1211 No more bunking with Cooper here. We built you a nice little house in the backyard. 1.3451 0.05299 113 79 29 5
1212 Yes, he dresses himself, but you were standing upright way before him 1.3451 0.05865 113 83 21 9
1213 Gimme your paw...there’s a good boy! 1.3451 0.05999 113 84 19 10
1214 Don’t be upset, Fido is an influencer and pays our bills. 1.3451 0.05589 113 81 25 7
1215 He identifies as your little brother 1.3451 0.05148 113 78 31 4
1216 Son, every dog has its day. 1.3448 0.05757 116 85 22 9
1217 I do not have favorites,you are my boy and he is my champion. 1.3445 0.05778 119 88 21 10
1218 I've done it! I've proven that school uniforms promote good behavior. 1.3440 0.05218 125 89 29 7
1219 Now, Joey, being the only “real” boy in obedience school isn’t a bad thing—it actually gives you an edge. 1.3440 0.05341 125 90 27 8
1220 It's a step up from Stuart Little 1.3438 0.05136 128 91 30 7
1221 He’s the only friend you have right now. 1.3438 0.05136 128 91 30 7
1222 We are going walkies with your brother, little Lord Fauntleroy. 1.3435 0.05394 131 96 25 10
1223 Hey, don’t be mad. He may be man’s best friend, but you’re still my son." 1.3435 0.05171 131 94 29 8
1224 He ain't Havanese, he's your brother. 1.3435 0.05501 131 97 23 11
1225 Come on, Tommy. Don't be angry. I am only your trainer, not your dad. 1.3433 0.05092 134 96 30 8
1226 Yes Spencer, it's true, our Mr. Boswell edged you out for that preschool spot. But be the bigger man here, O.K.? Spencer? 1.3421 0.04957 114 78 33 3
1227 I do not like him best! 1.3421 0.04769 152 109 34 9
1228 Can you follow his example and be a good boy too? 1.3419 0.05715 117 86 22 9
1229 Start behaving like a good boy and you can live inside too. 1.3419 0.05842 117 87 20 10
1230 You’ll understand one day when you have children. 1.3419 0.05584 117 85 24 8
1231 Son it’s time you accepted he’s Puritan. 1.3417 0.05613 120 88 23 9
1232 Ok Sam, meet your new neighbour, Buster Brown. 1.3417 0.05225 120 85 29 6
1233 Play nice, Billy, safe play dates are hard to find these days. 1.3411 0.05103 129 92 30 7
1234 Now, Timmy, I want you to tell Max you're sorry you teased him about being adopted. 1.3411 0.05335 129 94 26 9
1235 C'm on, you wouldn't know what to do with a bone ..! 1.3411 0.05103 129 92 30 7
1236 You can pee on the fire hydrant next time. 1.3411 0.05103 129 92 30 7
1237 You'll get a treat too when YOU learn to poop outside. 1.3411 0.05220 129 93 28 8
1238 When covid is over we will get you real friends. 1.3411 0.05335 129 94 26 9
1239 Well, he simply is a better boy than you. 1.3411 0.05447 129 95 24 10
1240 He's your new tutor. 1.3411 0.05220 129 93 28 8
1241 Yes, he gets lots of attention, but you've got taco Tuesdays and opposable thumbs. 1.3411 0.04733 129 89 36 4
1242 Don’t be ridiculous, Tommy, I love both of you equally. 1.3411 0.05447 129 95 24 10
1243 It's not Loki's fault that his school is open and yours is still closed. 1.3411 0.05103 129 92 30 7
1244 You KNOW it embarrasses Fido when you try to chase squirrels during our walks. 1.3411 0.05220 129 93 28 8
1245 He's just like you, just cuter 1.3411 0.04859 129 90 34 5
1246 I don’t care who it was that chewed through my shoes but I’ll need an apology from each of you. 1.3411 0.04983 129 91 32 6
1247 Now Daddy is going to dress you up like a dog and post the whole thing on social media. 1.3409 0.05139 132 95 29 8
1248 You are BOTH my best friends. 1.3409 0.04667 132 91 37 4
1249 'I SAID, "Sit!!!"' 1.3409 0.05250 132 96 27 9
1250 And who else has been a good boy!? 1.3409 0.05139 132 95 29 8
1251 Time for you to stand on your own two feet, too! 1.3409 0.06236 88 63 20 5
1252 We know you wanted a little brother so we compromised and taught the dog to walk. 1.3409 0.05250 132 96 27 9
1253 Next time I ask, ‘Who’s a good boy,’ maybe it will be you. 1.3409 0.04908 132 93 33 6
1254 Careful. Dog is watching you. 1.3409 0.05250 132 96 27 9
1255 Charlie bit me! 1.3409 0.05250 132 96 27 9
1256 ...and he's a snappier dresser. 1.3409 0.05250 132 96 27 9
1257 It's what you wanted. A little dog who could be a member of the family 1.3409 0.05359 132 97 25 10
1258 Your mother and I have decided to finally tell you: You're adopted. 1.3409 0.05359 132 97 25 10
1259 Of course you’re my favorite child! 1.3409 0.05025 132 94 31 7
1260 I’m NOT wearing a leash if he’s not’ 1.3409 0.05359 132 97 25 10
1261 It was at that precise moment George realised he was no longer ‘top dog’ of the family . 1.3409 0.05025 132 94 31 7
1262 See, son?The new vaccine is totally safe! Don’t be scared! 1.3409 0.05250 132 96 27 9
1263 son, please respect your brother's decision to be transspecie 1.3409 0.05025 132 94 31 7
1264 That charter canine obedience school truly exceeded my expectations ... just sayin' ... 1.3394 0.05564 109 78 25 6
1265 Yes, Sam, Jessie is cute and clever, but you will always have your White privilege. 1.3394 0.05861 109 80 21 8
1266 I thought I had two very good boys, but unless you change your attitude, I think it might just be one. 1.3393 0.05314 112 79 28 5
1267 Just remember that YOU wanted a puppy. 1.3393 0.05314 112 79 28 5
1268 Come on Jake, it’s time to go to your brother’s Obedience School graduation. Aren’t you so proud of our valedictorian! 1.3393 0.05750 112 82 22 8
1269 Hey little buddy, it's your turn to take him on his business trip." 1.3393 0.05750 112 82 22 8
1270 The nice pants are only for those fully potty trained. 1.3393 0.05463 112 80 26 6
1271 Well he's the older one because we count in dog years. 1.3393 0.05463 112 80 26 6
1272 That's how they dress in Germany. 1.3390 0.05544 118 86 24 8
1273 You'll have a suit like that when it's time for YOUR dog mitzvah. 1.3386 0.05027 127 90 31 6
1274 Listen, Tommy. One of us has to be the adult here and it might as well be Poochy. 1.3386 0.05027 127 90 31 6
1275 C’mon...during the pandemic we’ve come to love him as a son. 1.3385 0.05411 130 96 24 10
1276 Hey it's OK - You both hate cats. 1.3385 0.04951 130 92 32 6
1277 Oh, come now! I think you’re a good boy, too. 1.3385 0.05186 130 94 28 8
1278 You need to show respect. In dog years he's old enough to be your father. 1.3385 0.05300 130 95 26 9
1279 Look at this way, Charlie. He’ll have to wear your hand-me-downs but you’ll never have to wear any of his. 1.3385 0.04951 130 92 32 6
1280 You are my son, but he is such a good boy 1.3385 0.05411 130 96 24 10
1281 He’s putting on the dog today. 1.3385 0.05300 130 95 26 9
1282 Not just yet, but once you turn 5 next year you'll be smarter than he is! 1.3385 0.05300 130 95 26 9
1283 If you want to be treated like Skippy, listen like Skippy. 1.3385 0.04951 130 92 32 6
1284 I know you were hoping for a baby brother but adopting dogs was in this year 1.3385 0.05520 130 97 22 11
1285 How many times do I have to tell you not to bite your brother? 1.3385 0.05300 130 95 26 9
1286 I know it seems unfair since we let your brother do it, but little boys just aren’t allowed to do their business on the sidewalk. 1.3385 0.05070 130 93 30 7
1287 Now Timmy, you apologize for saying he still looks like a mutt. 1.3385 0.05300 130 95 26 9
1288 But Tommy--look what Obedience Class did for Bowser. 1.3385 0.05070 130 93 30 7
1289 He's well-trained. What's your excuse? 1.3385 0.05300 130 95 26 9
1290 If you wanted to go to the park, all you had to do was ask! 1.3385 0.05129 130 94 25 8
1291 It looked just as nice on you as it does on him. 1.3385 0.05300 130 95 26 9
1292 One sniff and you’re friends forever 1.3385 0.05070 130 93 30 7
1293 But son, once you’re a man, he’ll be your best friend. 1.3385 0.05070 130 93 30 7
1294 Because he evolved while we were home with him during the pandemic. 1.3385 0.05186 130 94 28 8
1295 I couldn't get you a sister but this dog identifies itself as a girl 1.3385 0.04951 130 92 32 6
1296 Don’t worry, someday you’ll get to eat his homework too. 1.3385 0.05070 130 93 30 7
1297 ‘He’s just my best friend’ 1.3385 0.05186 130 94 28 8
1298 I am sorry you feel that way , but he is really my best friend . 1.3364 0.05957 110 82 19 9
1299 Just ignore him if he keeps hounding you. 1.3364 0.05211 110 77 29 4
1300 Just remember he is still not as smart as a CROW. 1.3364 0.05368 110 78 27 5
1301 Well, when you're a dog, Timmy, you won't have to do algebra either. 1.3364 0.05816 110 81 21 8
1302 Don't be so stingy, Tommy. The suit's too small for you now anyway. In return, Rover said you can use his water bowl anytime. 1.3364 0.05671 110 80 23 7
1303 I'm not sure who took whose homework, but I need the two of you to work this out. 1.3364 0.05816 110 81 21 8
1304 It’s not my fault you’re just an okay boy 1.3364 0.05368 110 78 27 5
1305 Alex wants to be a good boy, doesn't he--yes, he does! 1.3363 0.05567 113 82 24 7
1306 Be nice, now. Spot just wants to take you for a walk. 1.3363 0.05707 113 83 22 8
1307 Meet your new caregiver,she has 70 years of experience working with kids. She will help you with your online classes and take you for walks during recess. 1.3363 0.05707 113 83 22 8
1308 Don't worry, son. He won't be able to learn any new tricks in a few years. 1.3363 0.05423 113 81 26 6
1309 I don't expect you to roll over but you could at least shake. 1.3360 0.05441 125 92 24 9
1310 But dogs don't need shoes, Jimmy. And just a warning: next week he won't be wearing pants either. 1.3360 0.05441 125 92 24 9
1311 No, Billy, people use fire hydrants for other things. 1.3360 0.05199 125 90 28 7
1312 Even after his father reassured him Billy still wasn’t sure Theodore was the adopted one 1.3360 0.04944 125 88 32 5
1313 Now Timmy, you know you can’t make Fauntleroy eat your homework if he just had lunch. 1.3360 0.05073 125 89 30 6
1314 Don't worry, your not going to grow a tail ! 1.3360 0.05441 125 92 24 9
1315 Having a baby as practise for a puppy definitely paid off. 1.3360 0.05321 125 91 26 8
1316 I know you're hungry, Andrew, but Basker's been a good dog. You've got to give up that treat. 1.3360 0.05558 125 93 22 10
1317 When you are 49 in dog years you'll get a suit too, son. 1.3360 0.05321 125 91 26 8
1318 Why can’t you be more like your brother, Bobby? 1.3360 0.05199 125 90 28 7
1319 Well, you refused to wear it, so now it's Tiko's. 1.3360 0.05441 125 92 24 9
1320 Cheer up, Daddy found a replacement to take over those awful violin lessons you hate. 1.3360 0.05199 125 90 28 7
1321 You will always have my DNA. 1.3360 0.05199 125 90 28 7
1322 Don't beg. 1.3360 0.04812 125 87 34 4
1323 I know, but it's the greeting he prefers. 1.3360 0.05321 125 91 26 8
1324 Aren't you glad mommy picks out your clothes 1.3360 0.05073 125 89 30 6
1325 Donald, maybe Santa will bring you a Lagerfeld suit NEXT Christmas. 1.3360 0.04812 125 87 34 4
1326 you outgrew it, you gave it to him, so deal with it. 1.3360 0.05199 125 90 28 7
1327 Good boy! Good boy! 1.3360 0.05321 125 91 26 8
1328 Don't think of it as losing a puppy, champ. Think of it as gaining a brother! 1.3360 0.05441 125 92 24 9
1329 When you learn to obey my commands you can have a nice suit too! 1.3360 0.05321 125 91 26 8
1330 Behave, like your brother, and you’ll get a treat! 1.3360 0.05558 125 93 22 10
1331 Sorry, Timmy, Versace only comes in his size. 1.3360 0.05673 125 94 20 11
1332 Who's a good boy? Yes, you are. 1.3360 0.05073 125 89 30 6
1333 What did you expect when you asked for a puppy brother? 1.3360 0.05441 125 92 24 9
1334 And one day you could grow up to be a good boy. 1.3360 0.04944 125 88 32 5
1335 You can get mad when you start fetching my slippers 1.3360 0.05199 125 90 28 7
1336 Don’t worry, Candice Bergen was in a similar situation and she got over it. 1.3360 0.05441 125 92 24 9
1337 I’ve told you son, it won’t be robots replacing us. 1.3360 0.05073 125 89 30 6
1338 Son, when you learn to behave like Skippy, we'll buy you fancy clothes too. 1.3360 0.05558 125 93 22 10
1339 ‘It’s called pedigree, Tommy.’ 1.3360 0.05073 125 89 30 6
1340 Who’s my second-best boy? Who’s my second-best boy? It’s you, Wally! Yes, it’s you, Wally! Good second-best Wally! 1.3333 0.05496 123 91 23 9
1341 Aw, being the teacher's pet isn't everything little buddy. 1.3333 0.04421 123 88 31 4
1342 Play nice. His bite is worse than his bark. 1.3333 0.04988 123 87 31 5
1343 When you finish obedience school, you can wear a suit too. 1.3333 0.05120 123 88 29 6
1344 He takes after Mom’s side of the family. 1.3333 0.05248 123 89 27 7
1345 And guess who's going to obedience school next if he doesn't behave himself. 1.3333 0.04988 123 87 31 5
1346 Before your mommy, I had another wife. 1.3333 0.05734 123 93 19 11
1347 Come on, Billy, be nice. One day he might be your best friend. 1.3333 0.05095 108 75 30 3
1348 Who's the second best boy in the world? 1.3333 0.05734 123 93 19 11
1349 If you don't behave I will make you wear a suit too! 1.3333 0.05120 123 88 29 6
1350 Don’t be upset, pal, man’s best friend is just an expression. 1.3333 0.04852 123 86 33 4
1351 Timmy could accept Buddy being allowed on the couch, but this was getting out of hand. 1.3333 0.05285 126 92 26 8
1352 Just give me your damn paw! 1.3333 0.05374 123 90 25 8
1353 We thought you'd be pleased-you get all of Mr Buttons balls and frisbees, and he gets the clothes that Grandma gets you. It's a win-win. 1.3333 0.05424 108 77 26 5
1354 Peter, did you dig a hole in the yard again? 1.3333 0.05374 123 90 25 8
1355 Son,it's called diversity and inclusion 1.3333 0.05616 123 92 21 10
1356 Don't be upset. He is a show dog. 1.3333 0.05248 123 89 27 7
1357 Don’t make me get the leash out! 1.3333 0.05374 123 88 25 8
1358 Next year, you can be best of show. 1.3333 0.05496 123 91 23 9
1359 Yes, Timmy, he’s adopted. But we love you both the same. 1.3333 0.05248 123 89 27 7
1360 And now you'll have a friend in obedience school! 1.3333 0.05120 123 88 29 6
1361 I've always wanted a son who obeys me. 1.3333 0.05496 123 91 23 9
1362 I think it’s nice that he wants to risk spoiling his suit by playing fetch with you!” 1.3333 0.05734 108 79 22 7
1363 Don’t worry, I definitely love you more than the cat. 1.3333 0.04713 123 85 35 3
1364 Meet your emotional deterrent animal. 1.3333 0.05248 123 89 27 7
1365 Don’t worry, in a few dog years you’ll be an only child. 1.3333 0.05616 123 92 21 10
1366 No fire hydrants. 1.3333 0.05466 120 88 24 8
1367 I’m sorry, but you’re going to have to give him your shoes. 1.3333 0.05120 123 88 29 6
1368 Time for our walkies. 1.3333 0.05291 117 84 27 6
1369 Come on. Show him we are the superior animal. 1.3333 0.05120 123 88 29 6
1370 Just because he's my best friend doesn't mean I don't love you. 1.3333 0.05801 102 74 22 6
1371 Stop complaining. Mr. Woof wanted to wear the striped sweater but he's not complaining. 1.3333 0.05581 108 78 24 6
1372 Your mommy and I will still always love each other. 1.3333 0.05248 123 89 27 7
1373 On the other hand, obedience isn’t for everyone. 1.3333 0.04988 123 87 31 5
1374 Be happy for him, obedience school is open. 1.3333 0.05374 123 90 25 8
1375 You're my second best friend Billy. 1.3333 0.05248 123 89 27 7
1376 Well, Timmy, if you barked like Mr. Fluffy to go outside when you needed to use the restroom instead of going in your pants, you could wear a spiffy short suit too. 1.3333 0.05496 123 91 23 9
1377 I know you wanted a cat, but it wouldn’t wear the suit! 1.3333 0.05374 123 90 25 8
1378 We train our pets and indulge our children. 1.3333 0.05734 108 79 22 7
1379 It’s only funny when he says it. 1.3333 0.04496 123 91 26 6
1380 No, of course mummy and daddy don't have a favorite.. 1.3333 0.04570 123 84 37 2
1381 Now, now, William it's $600 per child. And besides Rudy has always been like a son to us. Now it's official. 1.3333 0.05262 108 76 28 4
1382 Why don’t you try being more like your brother, he listens... 1.3333 0.05248 123 89 27 7
1383 Meet your new stepbrother. 1.3333 0.05374 123 90 25 8
1384 Did I mention you’re both adopted? 1.3333 0.05248 123 89 27 7
1385 It’s not that we don’t love you Max, it’s just that Ralphy’s much lower maintenance.. 1.3333 0.05120 123 88 29 6
1386 You guys will each have your own rooms. 1.3333 0.05248 123 89 27 7
1387 The outfit doesn’t fit you anymore, so I didn’t think you’d mind. 1.3333 0.05374 123 90 25 8
1388 Sparky's been walking since he was 4 weeks. What's your excuse? 1.3308 0.05198 133 98 26 9
1389 Mommy and I agreed we needed another one that wouldn’t draw on walls or scream in supermarket aisles. 1.3306 0.05337 124 91 25 8
1390 Don’t be angry, Billy. You outgrew this suit last year and it’s only until Daddy’s tax audit is over. 1.3306 0.05299 121 88 26 7
1391 Rover gets treats but you have a really good college fund. 1.3306 0.05553 121 90 22 9
1392 I thought you needed a role model. 1.3306 0.05299 121 88 26 7
1393 Now be a good boy and tell Daddy where you hid Fido's boater. 1.3306 0.05553 121 90 22 9
1394 Dress for the job you want, not for the job you have. 1.3306 0.05428 121 89 24 8
1395 Oh Son, Daddy loves you both the same. 1.3306 0.05553 121 90 22 9
1396 Sorry. The suit was on sale, but it wasn't your size. 1.3306 0.05168 121 87 28 6
1397 We take turns. It's his turn to wear the suit today. 1.3306 0.05168 121 87 28 6
1398 He's easier to train, his sartorial style is excellent, and I won't have to pay for college 1.3306 0.05553 121 90 22 9
1399 Come on now, tell Otto how nice he looks in your old suit. 1.3306 0.05299 121 88 26 7
1400 Don’t be mad. I need the tax deduction. 1.3306 0.05033 121 86 30 5
1401 I know you wanted a sister, but this is your new brother Woof. 1.3306 0.05553 121 90 22 9
1402 Your grades were good, but Rex got a frisby scholarship 1.3306 0.05676 121 91 20 10
1403 Consider Teddy a role model, except in the greetings department... 1.3306 0.05033 121 86 30 5
1404 You are a big boy now and the suit doesn't fit you anymore. 1.3306 0.05428 121 89 24 8
1405 It's more fun to wear shoes like daddy does. 1.3306 0.05168 121 87 28 6
1406 Believe it or not, you are the one we adopted. 1.3306 0.05676 121 91 20 10
1407 Of course obedience school is for little boys as well. 1.3306 0.05033 121 86 30 5
1408 That's what can happen if you just leave your clothes in the closet. 1.3306 0.05033 121 86 30 5
1409 Well, Bobby, Beaufort is getting the inheritance because he was fully trained in 12 weeks. 1.3306 0.05553 121 90 22 9
1410 Son, we can’t recreate the ‘dogs playing poker’ painting with you in it, it just doesn’t work. 1.3306 0.05676 121 91 20 10
1411 Now, Johnny, who's a good boy? 1.3306 0.05033 121 86 30 5
1412 Timmy, I told you when I remarried it would be to my best friend. 1.3306 0.05553 121 90 22 9
1413 You’re both my favorite; he just looks cuter in the suit. 1.3306 0.05299 121 88 26 7
1414 He’s my handsome fur baby, and you’re just my son. 1.3306 0.05428 121 89 24 8
1415 Reginald is a well-heeled dog. 1.3304 0.05200 115 82 28 5
1416 I promise your new step mom will love you unconditionally 1.3304 0.05727 112 83 21 8
1417 Oh cheer up, he is better walking on two feet, he is a better dresser, and he is good looking, but, just give it time, he will run off after a car. 1.3302 0.05482 106 76 25 5
1418 Every minute you pout is seven dog minutes of his life. 1.3302 0.05800 106 78 21 7
1419 It's okay, Tommy, you can pee on the hydrant next time. 1.3302 0.05643 106 77 23 6
1420 You're going to Kindergarten but he's going to Phillips Academy. 1.3302 0.05482 106 76 25 5
1421 Come on - he already apologized for eating your homework 1.3302 0.05643 106 77 23 6
1422 Well, for one thing, he’s more obedient than you are!” 1.3279 0.05514 122 91 22 9
1423 well, maybe if you gained over 300,000 followers on any social media platform, i’d buy you new clothes too. 1.3279 0.05263 122 89 26 7
1424 I wanted a dog and you wanted a new mommy. It's called compromise, champ. 1.3279 0.05263 122 89 26 7
1425 Danny, you're absolutely right - it's definitely unfair that Spot is a sharp dresser, AND can lick his own nuts. 1.3279 0.05390 122 90 24 8
1426 Well, if you came when I called you'd get a treat too! 1.3279 0.05636 122 92 20 10
1427 I promise. Next time I'll take you to Home Depot. 1.3279 0.05755 122 93 18 11
1428 Come on, Charlie. It'll be fun having your new brother in the same school. 1.3279 0.05636 122 92 20 10
1429 Look how lucky you are! Your doggy's a minister!! 1.3279 0.04861 122 91 24 7
1430 But son, now we all get to stay home together! 1.3279 0.05263 122 89 26 7
1431 I know it doesn't seem fair, but in his defense, he was much easier to potty train. 1.3279 0.05263 122 89 26 7
1432 I don’t love him more than you, he’s just a better listener 1.3279 0.05514 122 91 22 9
1433 Once you stop sniffing butts I'll get you a suit, too! 1.3279 0.05132 122 88 28 6
1434 No, your brother is not a tattletale. I can also smell you need a diaper change. 1.3277 0.05483 119 88 23 8
1435 Don't tell me he ate your homework, your brother would never do that 1.3277 0.04790 119 83 33 3
1436 I love both of you equally, but Augustus is a good boy. 1.3277 0.05737 119 90 19 10
1437 His obedience school is really great. If they can do that with a dog, think about what they can do with you. 1.3277 0.05352 119 87 25 7
1438 Don’t take it personally, Billy, but Rex has been much more responsive to grooming than you. 1.3277 0.05483 119 88 23 8
1439 Just because he's borrowed your clothes doesn't mean you can now poop outside. 1.3277 0.05612 119 89 21 9
1440 Of course I don't have a favorite 1.3277 0.05860 119 91 17 11
1441 The event invitation said ‘dressy casual’, so quite frankly, you both look ridiculous. 1.3277 0.05352 119 87 25 7
1442 Steven, do you know how long it took to get the dog into this outfit? You're going to smile for the picture. 1.3277 0.05217 119 86 27 6
1443 Yes, the dog can wear people’s clothes, but that doesn’t mean you get to eat dog food. 1.3277 0.05217 119 86 27 6
1444 When you quit throwing tantrums over everything Donald, and show a little more respect to the family constitution like champ here, then we'll treat you the same. 1.3277 0.05352 119 87 25 7
1445 Sorry Eddie. You resemble Donald Trump so much that we are disowning you and choosing the dog to be our son from now on. 1.3277 0.05612 119 89 21 9
1446 I promise, you get to ride shotgun on the way home. 1.3277 0.05352 119 87 25 7
1447 If only your grandparents had been satisfied with a granddog! 1.3277 0.05217 119 86 27 6
1448 Learn from Rufus, son! He always holds hands and never runs ahead. 1.3277 0.04790 119 87 25 6
1449 Since it worked so well for Rover, obedience school will be good for you too. 1.3273 0.05496 110 80 24 6
1450 I know you're angry Norville, but the school won't allow a shaggy hairdoo. 1.3273 0.05496 110 80 24 6
1451 Look at the bright side—at least he's the one wearing a collar. 1.3273 0.05020 110 77 30 3
1452 One week in obedience school won't kill you. 1.3273 0.05934 110 83 18 9
1453 You crap on the carpet and don't do your homework, it makes you easy to replace." 1.3273 0.05934 110 83 18 9
1454 And the funny thing is, on Zoom they just think he's a kid with big ears. 1.3271 0.05754 107 79 21 7
1455 I’m sorry buddy. I know it can be scary when he talks while sniffing your butt. 1.3271 0.06053 107 81 17 9
1456 We've talked about this, mommy and I thought a puppy would be good practice for a real baby, and we were right! So try to be like your brother, he's suchagoodboy! 1.3271 0.05017 107 82 18 7
1457 One more TikTok of you two dancing and then we get ice cream! 1.3269 0.05707 104 76 22 6
1458 When you get straight A's at school like Sparky, you can be Daddy's favorite. 1.3256 0.05297 129 96 24 9
1459 It's not fair. Spot poops in the yard and he gets a treat. I poop in the yard and I get put on time out. 1.3252 0.04965 123 88 30 5
1460 Look, you said you wanted a little brother, and this is the best your mommy and I can do. 1.3252 0.05097 123 89 28 6
1461 But Harry, this is SOOOO much better than having a little brother. You don't have to share your toys! 1.3252 0.05596 123 93 20 10
1462 Tommy, this is Paco, the headmaster at the obedience school mommy and I are sending you to. 1.3252 0.05714 123 94 18 11
1463 That was the deal...when Muffy learns to walk standing up you'll learn to heal. 1.3252 0.05596 123 92 20 10
1464 Mommy always wanted a baby, daddy always wanted a dog. 1.3252 0.05227 123 90 26 7
1465 Hey, when you go to private school, you’ll get to wear short pants too 1.3252 0.05353 123 91 24 8
1466 Max used his listening ears and that’s why he got a treat...he’s a good boy, isn’t he? 1.3252 0.05353 123 91 24 8
1467 You see? He DOES like the clothes he got for XMAS 1.3250 0.05444 120 89 23 8
1468 Do you want to get neutered, too? 1.3250 0.05044 120 86 29 5
1469 Why can't you be a good boy like your little brother, Rover? 1.3250 0.05571 120 90 21 9
1470 Ok Timmy, you don’t want to go back in the crate do you? 1.3250 0.05571 120 90 21 9
1471 Come on, let’s take your brother for a walk. 1.3250 0.05571 120 90 21 9
1472 Come on, it's time to make up. Shake? 1.3250 0.04903 120 85 31 4
1473 He got the treat because he came when I called. 1.3250 0.05044 120 86 29 5
1474 Until you can sit quietly like him, Billy, your adopted brother is getting all the treats. 1.3250 0.05314 120 88 25 7
1475 Just because he’s adopted doesn’t mean he’s not your brother 1.3250 0.05314 120 88 25 7
1476 Sorry Timmy—best-in-show’s don’t fetch anymore. 1.3250 0.05314 120 88 25 7
1477 Son, he’s in our pod so let’s find a way to get along 1.3250 0.05314 120 88 25 7
1478 But he's 'Man's Best Friend.' You' re just my son." 1.3250 0.05444 120 89 23 8
1479 You ARE still my favourite, Joey. Just not in an unconditional love kind of way, more in a condition of my child support agreement kind of way. 1.3250 0.05696 120 91 19 10
1480 Take turns, next time we will go to your park. 1.3250 0.05314 120 88 25 7
1481 oh donald, be a good boy! 1.3250 0.05314 120 88 25 7
1482 ‘Now give him your paw and apologize.” 1.3250 0.04903 120 85 31 4
1483 I’m sorry but your playgroup doesn’t do business casual 1.3250 0.05044 120 86 29 5
1484 When he goes off to college, you can have his kennel. 1.3250 0.05571 120 90 21 9
1485 - I got you a hot dog just like you asked! 1.3250 0.05314 120 88 25 7
1486 It’s not that I ‘love him more,’ it’s that he obeys when I say ‘quiet.’ 1.3250 0.05044 120 86 29 5
1487 We need another stimulus check, Timmy 1.3250 0.05181 120 87 27 6
1488 You’re not identical twins, just fraternal! 1.3250 0.04903 120 85 31 4
1489 I’m sorry, son, but you heard your mother. You just don’t spark joy anymore. 1.3250 0.05571 120 90 21 9
1490 You're going to have to hold it, because I forgot to bring a plastic bag. 1.3248 0.05268 117 85 26 6
1491 Sorry Timmy, not all of us can be an Instagram influence 1.3248 0.05672 117 88 20 9
1492 You're still my 'oldest' child. 1.3243 0.05302 111 80 26 5
1493 We can fetch the ball together! 1.3243 0.05602 111 82 22 7
1494 I want to pee on the plants too! 1.3243 0.05454 111 81 24 6
1495 Don't be angry, look at your brother, he never complains. 1.3243 0.05602 111 82 22 7
1496 Last week we went to the skatepark, this week it’s the dog park 1.3243 0.05747 111 83 19 8
1497 Don't call your stepmother a bitch. 1.3241 0.05858 108 81 19 8
1498 Two walks a day, that's what we do. 1.3241 0.05858 108 81 19 8
1499 Hey, Buddy...It was Mommy's idea. 1.3241 0.05234 108 77 27 4
1500 This is what happens when you don't behave, son - we turn you into a dog. 1.3241 0.05858 108 81 19 8
1501 Okay, okay. I'll buy you a leash too. 1.3238 0.05820 105 78 20 7
1502 Remember, Billy: animals are people too. 1.3231 0.06971 65 47 15 3
1503 When you grow up, you two will be best friends. 1.3231 0.06971 65 47 15 3
1504 It's true he doesn't go fetch, but he plays a mean game of badminton. 1.3226 0.04932 124 89 30 5
1505 Turn that frown into a smile and I'll throw you a bone. 1.3226 0.05557 124 94 20 10
1506 Come on! It's for the New Yorker's Caption Contest! 1.3223 0.05532 121 91 21 9
1507 There is no "bone of contention" as to who the real pet is here. 1.3223 0.05277 121 89 25 7
1508 Billy, you’re my boy! It’s just Buddy is a man's best friend. 1.3223 0.05009 121 87 29 5
1509 He got your paw-me-downs. 1.3223 0.05277 121 89 25 7
1510 Don't be so bigoted! 1.3223 0.05406 121 90 23 8
1511 Timmy, I want you to say your sorry to Rover for hiding his frisbee. 1.3223 0.05277 121 89 25 7
1512 C'mon...Rover loved obedience school and so can you. 1.3223 0.04653 121 87 30 4
1513 I am NOT wearing a uniform. It's HOME school! 1.3223 0.05277 121 89 25 7
1514 Pretend you're meeting a new kid at the playground. 1.3223 0.05406 121 90 23 8
1515 He says he’s sorry he bit you. Can you say you’re sorry you put him on a chain? 1.3223 0.05406 121 90 23 8
1516 Yes Bobby....but she is a WELL DRESSED bitch... 1.3223 0.05406 121 90 23 8
1517 He’s younger so you won’t have to wear his hand-me-downs. 1.3223 0.05532 121 91 21 9
1518 Of course I love you more than Rover. He just dresses better than you do 1.3223 0.04869 121 86 31 4
1519 But we need to claim him for the stimulus. 1.3223 0.05406 121 90 23 8
1520 A top-tier preschool might take you, too--if you were brothers. 1.3223 0.05009 121 87 29 5
1521 You're adopted too 1.3223 0.05532 121 91 21 9
1522 Remember, son, we greet friends with our hands not our noses. 1.3223 0.05009 121 87 29 5
1523 Good boys are back in style. 1.3223 0.05406 121 90 23 8
1524 You’ll love obedience school, Otto had a great time. 1.3223 0.05009 121 87 29 5
1525 He's not a puppy anymore; technically he's your big brother. 1.3223 0.05406 121 90 23 8
1526 Okay, who's the good boy now? 1.3223 0.05145 121 88 27 6
1527 Sorry, but spot aced obedience school. 1.3223 0.05145 121 88 27 6
1528 Sorry Tommie, but his school Is open 1.3223 0.05406 121 90 23 8
1529 You are a good boy too! Good Boy! 1.3223 0.05009 121 87 29 5
1530 Maybe you should go to obedience school, too! 1.3223 0.05145 121 88 27 6
1531 Just try and be a good boy, like this son of a bitch. 1.3223 0.05775 121 93 17 11
1532 You're still my favorite human member of the family. 1.3223 0.04726 121 85 33 3
1533 No son, I don’t think our border collie is smarter than you. 1.3223 0.05655 121 92 19 10
1534 Yeah, it was a bad year, but for Spot it was seven. 1.3223 0.04869 121 86 31 4
1535 She doesn't do tricks but she does do taxes. 1.3223 0.05406 121 90 23 8
1536 Sorry bud, not everyone gets into private school. 1.3223 0.05009 121 87 29 5
1537 Treats are just for good boys 1.3223 0.05145 121 88 27 6
1538 If you don’t want to wear a mask, this is your playdate. 1.3223 0.05406 121 90 23 8
1539 it’s not you, i just like the dog better. 1.3223 0.05775 121 93 17 11
1540 I’m sorry my Tik Tok with him got more views. We’ll try again tomorrow 1.3223 0.05145 121 88 27 6
1541 Remember, we got your brother so you could have a good role model. 1.3223 0.05655 121 92 19 10
1542 Listen sport, you’re both good boys. 1.3223 0.05277 121 89 25 7
1543 You were the one who wanted a dog 1.3223 0.05277 121 89 25 7
1544 I know you wanted to do legos, Ethan, but isn't it fair we did fetch today? 1.3220 0.04945 118 84 30 4
1545 I'm sorry, he had a better performance review. 1.3220 0.05230 118 86 26 6
1546 Let's be honest here. Who really is the good boy? 1.3220 0.05090 118 85 28 5
1547 We had to cut a hole in your pants for his tail. 1.3220 0.05230 118 86 26 6
1548 Don't worry. You're already too big for his hand-me-downs. 1.3220 0.05090 118 85 28 5
1549 Why can’t you be as obedient as Rex? 1.3220 0.05367 118 87 24 7
1550 I know it might not seem fair that I got him a cellphone, but he is thirty-five. 1.3220 0.05630 118 89 20 9
1551 Quit complaining - he won fair and square. Your obedience skills are deplorable. 1.3220 0.05090 118 85 28 5
1552 But I already told you,we can only afford one son! 1.3220 0.05500 118 88 22 8
1553 How about I let you sleep in his room? 1.3220 0.05090 118 85 28 5
1554 Well,honey,Rufus knows where to poop. 1.3220 0.05090 118 85 28 5
1555 Cmon, it'll be just like Stuart Little! 1.3220 0.05500 118 88 22 8
1556 He can be your best friend too. 1.3220 0.04945 118 84 30 4
1557 Donald, if you’re as good as Clifford when you get older you can have some of daddy’s companies. 1.3220 0.05090 118 85 28 5
1558 If you two don’t behave, I’ll have to put you down. 1.3220 0.05367 118 87 24 7
1559 pampered pets vs entitled brats 1.3217 0.05599 115 86 21 8
1560 Honestly, Timmy? You weren't meeting my needs. 1.3217 0.05319 115 84 25 6
1561 OK, OK. I promise we won't walk near the playground. 1.3217 0.05319 115 84 25 6
1562 I'm sure he feels bad for chewing up your ball glove. 1.3217 0.05461 115 85 23 7
1563 Please behave Jimmy, I only brought one leash. 1.3217 0.05024 115 82 29 4
1564 His pant legs are not too short when he's on all fours. 1.3217 0.04711 115 80 33 2
1565 Every dog has his day. You’ll get yours too Billy. 1.3217 0.05319 115 84 25 6
1566 It’s either this or Zoom.” 1.3217 0.05461 115 85 23 7
1567 We can’t afford to send both of you off to college 1.3217 0.05461 115 85 23 7
1568 What's your problem, son? You've outgrown that suit anyway. 1.3211 0.05355 109 79 25 5
1569 Look Buddy- he scored way higher in the prep. school exams 1.3211 0.05812 109 82 19 8
1570 If you really want to be a Therapy Boy, you’ll have to study hard like Fritz. 1.3211 0.05664 109 81 21 7
1571 If you learned to use the bathroom properly like your brother, you'd also get 20 minutes of playtime 1.3211 0.05355 109 79 25 5
1572 You know that suit doesn’t fit you anymore 1.3211 0.05194 109 78 27 4
1573 I will enroll you in the obedience school next. 1.3193 0.05054 119 86 28 5
1574 You yourself said, "4 legs good, 2 legs better.", so why are you so mad young Orwell? 1.3193 0.05328 119 88 24 7
1575 He just came back from church, you don't need to be jealous. 1.3193 0.05328 119 88 24 7
1576 When your mom called your stepmother that, I thought it was a figure of speech. 1.3193 0.05589 119 90 20 9
1577 What makes you think we're bad at hiding your Christmas present? 1.3193 0.05193 119 87 26 6
1578 You'll always be my boy; he's just my best friend 1.3193 0.05460 119 89 22 8
1579 No, he goes to doggie daycare, you go to a different one. 1.3193 0.05328 119 88 24 7
1580 He's just my best friend..You are my son.. 1.3193 0.05589 119 90 20 9
1581 Yes, all the people schools are closed, but we found an opening for the both of you in the very next best thing. 1.3193 0.05193 119 87 26 6
1582 But Junior, Little Blue Boy mastered his toilet training 3 years ago. 1.3193 0.05460 119 89 22 8
1583 Yes, you are. You are. You are a good boy, too." 1.3193 0.04838 119 87 27 5
1584 C’mon: Who’s a Good Boy?!! 1.3193 0.05589 119 90 20 9
1585 It's not that we have favorites Billy, Fido just looks shit-hot in black. 1.3193 0.05328 119 88 24 7
1586 Now Billy, there’s no need to be angry. I’ve already explained to Rusty that a suit does not make a man.” 1.3193 0.05589 119 90 20 9
1587 Now, listen up young man. Some dogs play fetch. And some dogs study for the priesthood. Alright?" 1.3193 0.05193 119 87 26 6
1588 Look at the bright side - now YOU get to poop on the street. 1.3193 0.05460 119 89 22 8
1589 Well he may not look EXACTLY like you, but he IS your Brother" 1.3193 0.05715 119 91 18 10
1590 Come come Timmy, don't be jealous. You know puppy school is private. Besides, dogs don't do well with distance learning. 1.3193 0.05589 119 90 20 9
1591 Behave, or I'll turn you into a dog, just like your little brother. 1.3193 0.05589 119 90 20 9
1592 Just because we say he's a "good boy" or you wear his hand-me-downs doesn't mean we love you any less. 1.3193 0.05193 119 87 26 6
1593 They are not dangerous if you raise them right..and neither are the dogs. 1.3193 0.05328 119 88 24 7
1594 It's his birthday, Tommy. That's why he's wearing them. 1.3193 0.05054 119 86 28 5
1595 If you hadn't been held back a year in obedience school, I would have bought you a new outfit too. 1.3193 0.05054 119 86 28 5
1596 No reason to mope. You're my son, but he's only my best friend! 1.3193 0.04764 119 84 32 3
1597 You need to apologize to your brother and tell him he looks good in his new suit. 1.3193 0.05460 119 89 22 8
1598 Be nice to your brother and you'll get a treat. 1.3193 0.05328 119 88 24 7
1599 Billy, you apologize to Sparky right now for calling him a "son of a bitch"! 1.3193 0.05054 119 86 28 5
1600 Maybe I'd love you if you were more like Jeffrey. 1.3193 0.05328 119 88 24 7
1601 Don't worry about it. No one will ever guess he's your cousin. 1.3193 0.05193 119 87 26 6
1602 Now who else is a Good Boy! 1.3193 0.05193 119 87 26 6
1603 Who's a good boy? Are you a good boy? 1.3193 0.05054 119 86 28 5
1604 I feed you. I walk you. I clean up after you. Why can't you love me unreservedly? 1.3193 0.05715 119 91 18 10
1605 He reads at a fourth grade level. 1.3193 0.05054 119 86 28 5
1606 Look, I know your stepmother is a bitch , but you still have to get along with your new brother. 1.3193 0.05193 119 87 26 6
1607 He threw your ball. Now go fetch it. 1.3193 0.05193 119 87 26 6
1608 Whats wrong? You asked for a puppy and a baby brother for Christmas, and Amazon had a two-for-one deal. 1.3193 0.05715 119 91 18 10
1609 Remember how crazy people get from isolating too long, now shake your brother’s hand and play outside 1.3193 0.04911 119 85 30 4
1610 I guess I only have one very good boy? 1.3193 0.04911 119 85 30 4
1611 I’m sorry Timmy, you simply do not have the pedigree for Saint Cuthberts. 1.3193 0.05715 119 91 18 10
1612 What do you mean it is not the potty training you were expecting?! 1.3193 0.05054 119 86 28 5
1613 No, only he may take a dump on the streets! 1.3193 0.04911 119 85 30 4
1614 I, for one, welcome our new canine overlords, and you should, too! 1.3190 0.05281 116 85 25 6
1615 Relax, Timmy. You said you wanted a well groomed dog. 1.3190 0.05557 116 87 21 8
1616 Don't sulk Son, you know Tuesday is his day for identying as human 1.3190 0.05948 116 90 15 11
1617 ‘I’m happy with the vaccine side-effects if you are.’ 1.3190 0.05421 116 86 23 7
1618 Now, Jimmy, Rex didn’t mean anything against you when he said ‘all dogs go to Heaven’ 1.3186 0.05518 113 84 22 7
1619 Won’t it be fun to wear matching outfits? 1.3182 0.05766 110 83 19 8
1620 See Donald? Freddy acts like a well-behaved, decent human, so I'm sure you can learn how. This is the first step to being a great man someday, even U.S. President! But first you have to stop snarling, biting, and going potty wherever you want. 1.3182 0.05469 110 81 23 6
1621 this is our sunday walkie, no biting or fighting with anyone 1.3178 0.05727 107 80 20 7
1622 Now remember, Johnny, we got you the Lord of Yorkshire only after you agreed to take him for a walk every day. 1.3178 0.05727 107 80 20 7
1623 One day, when you have kids, you’ll understand. 1.3178 0.05245 107 77 26 4
1624 I know. But, your mom was a ‘dog mom’ before I even met her... 1.3178 0.05727 107 80 20 7
1625 You can take the entrance exam again next year, but until then you need to go to public school. 1.3178 0.05410 107 78 24 5
1626 OK. Let's play Supreme Court. Muffy here will be Ruth Bader Ginsburg and you're a natural to be Brett Cavanagh! 1.3173 0.05677 104 77 21 6
1627 I know Kibbles 'n' Bits aren't your favorite. But Siegfried is your guest and he gets to choose. 1.3173 0.05677 104 77 21 6
1628 There are two toilets in this house and he didn’t drink from yours! 1.3173 0.05840 104 78 19 7
1629 Billy, don't be angry. That's just Barky's way of saying hello! 1.3167 0.05549 120 91 20 9
1630 Little brothers get hand-me-downs. You just have to wait until he outgrows it. 1.3167 0.05549 120 91 20 9
1631 Now,remember to turn around three times before you sit down. 1.3162 0.05242 117 86 25 6
1632 I'm sorry Jeffrey, but only Bauzer can relieve himself on the fire hydrant! 1.3162 0.05381 117 87 23 7
1633 I know, honey. But HE’S house broken. 1.3162 0.05242 117 86 25 6
1634 Look son every dog has his day....and Spot’s is today 1.3162 0.05242 117 86 25 6
1635 Ok Timmy, now it's your turn to roll over. 1.3162 0.04953 117 84 29 4
1636 He can be your pet AND my best friend! 1.3158 0.05333 114 84 24 6
1637 Don't be angry. He'll just wear your suit today because it's his birthday! 1.3158 0.05616 114 86 20 8
1638 This is only temporary until we receive the stimulus check. 1.3158 0.05476 114 85 22 7
1639 Get used to it, son. It’s a dog eat boy world out there. 1.3158 0.05333 114 84 24 6
1640 Mom says when we learn neatness we can dress up like Prince. 1.3158 0.05333 114 84 24 6
1641 Why does he always get to be Little Lord Fauntleroy? 1.3158 0.05333 114 84 24 6
1642 Come on! Who’s a good boy? Who’s a guh-boy 1.3158 0.05185 114 83 26 5
1643 Don't worry, if the trial adoption doesn't work out, we'll send you back. 1.3158 0.05476 114 85 22 7
1644 When you grow up, maybe you'll be my best friend. 1.3158 0.05185 114 83 26 5
1645 I've always said "it's clothes and attitude which make the man". 1.3158 0.05476 114 85 22 7
1646 C'mon, buddy, you outgrew it. We'll get you a new one. 1.3158 0.04876 114 81 30 3
1647 He’s actually a Boarding School Collie. 1.3158 0.05185 114 83 26 5
1648 Son, just because I always say, "Good dog," doesn't mean I love him more than you. 1.3158 0.05753 114 87 18 9
1649 When you improve your grades, you'll get to wear a uniform too. 1.3158 0.04714 114 80 32 2
1650 Because he’s the oldest. You can have his hand-me-downs when he’s through with them. 1.3158 0.05616 114 86 20 8
1651 Sure he's better dressed, but he'll never wear shoes. 1.3158 0.04955 114 89 17 8
1652 Sparky would like to teach you some new tricks! 1.3158 0.05333 114 84 24 6
1653 Now YOU show HIM how to act like a dog. 1.3158 0.05185 114 83 26 5
1654 Donald, we agreed fair and square that it is Joe's turn to wear the suit 1.3158 0.05333 114 84 24 6
1655 Your little brother just took the vaccine, ain't you excited? 1.3158 0.05753 114 87 18 9
1656 Don’t be ridiculous, I love you both the same. 1.3158 0.05333 114 84 24 6
1657 Don't you want to wish Buddy a good day at school? 1.3153 0.05576 111 83 21 7
1658 Johnny, how would you like to go to Fido's obedience school? 1.3153 0.05274 111 81 25 5
1659 But,Timmy,he won't be an obnoxious teenager in a few years 1.3153 0.05427 111 82 23 6
1660 Your mommy got her tubes tied and daddy had a vasectomy so this is the best we could do, Timmy 1.3143 0.05631 105 78 21 6
1661 Scruffy is not judging you for having absolutely no sense of style. 1.3143 0.05948 105 80 17 8
1662 You’re right, he doesn’t look anything like us. We should have sniffed his butt a little more closely before we brought him home. 1.3143 0.05792 105 79 19 7
1663 Ok, Jimmy, next time, you get the fire hydrant & Freddie takes the tree. 1.3143 0.05466 105 77 23 5
1664 You've always dressed like daddy. Now mommy has someone to dress like her. 1.3137 0.05210 102 73 26 3
1665 Come on, just for a little while, he looks silly without sneakers. 1.3137 0.05210 102 73 26 3
1666 You wanted a brother and a dog. It's like we got you both! 1.3136 0.05476 118 89 21 8
1667 Yes, he's a good boy but you're MY boy. 1.3136 0.05607 118 90 19 9
1668 And someday...I'll take you to obedience school. 1.3136 0.05064 118 86 27 5
1669 You said you wanted a little brother... 1.3136 0.05064 118 86 27 5
1670 You can wear the suit tomorrow... 1.3136 0.05342 118 88 23 7
1671 I’m not happy to be your father, either. 1.3136 0.05064 118 86 27 5
1672 It was just a form of greeting. 1.3136 0.05205 118 87 25 6
1673 Come on, son. You always said you wanted a dog, and a little brother. Now you have both! 1.3136 0.05205 118 87 25 6
1674 Now you be a good boy and I’ll get you a treat too. 1.3136 0.05064 118 86 27 5
1675 Maybe you’re MOMMY’S best friend! 1.3136 0.05476 118 89 21 8
1676 If the teacher asks,just say “He’s my brother” 1.3136 0.05064 118 86 27 5
1677 We've been over this, Tyler. You're three and Bosco's twenty-one. He gets to go to work and you don't. But look on the bright side: he'll be dead LONG before you are. 1.3136 0.05607 118 90 19 9
1678 Now, now, I love both my children equally. 1.3136 0.05342 118 88 23 7
1679 Now let's see your good boy face. 1.3136 0.04615 118 83 33 2
1680 But you could be a good boy too! 1.3136 0.05205 118 87 25 6
1681 Don’t feel badly son. You can be my second best friend . 1.3136 0.05064 118 86 27 5
1682 I'll teach you how to shake hands when you're older. 1.3136 0.05342 118 88 23 7
1683 You come the next time I call - and you'll get a treat too. 1.3136 0.05342 118 88 23 7
1684 We’ve already talked about this, only your brother is allowed to pee outside. 1.3136 0.05342 118 88 23 7
1685 Once you learn to heel, you can wear the suit. 1.3136 0.04918 118 85 29 4
1686 He’s a good boy, so he gets the treat 1.3136 0.05342 118 88 23 7
1687 Okay, next time we’ll neuter him and you can wear the suit” 1.3136 0.05607 118 90 19 9
1688 Think of the possibilities --- Pilgrim charts his pedigree to before the Mayflower." 1.3130 0.05293 115 85 24 6
1689 Yes he has better clothes..but his mother is a pedigree 1.3130 0.04997 115 83 28 4
1690 I told you, tell us where you buried his bone or no TV for a month! 1.3130 0.05574 115 87 20 8
1691 Honey, we’ll get you a suit too, after 6 years when you grow as old as him! 1.3130 0.05435 115 86 22 7
1692 And now let's see if we can't teach a young boy old tricks. 1.3125 0.05078 112 81 27 4
1693 “Johnny, sure Conrad knows his times-tables and capitals of states, but no one can roll over and play dead like you.” 1.3125 0.05078 112 81 27 4
1694 Can't you see? Obedience school will do wonders for you. 1.3125 0.05078 112 81 27 4
1695 I know he’s not Scooby Doo, son, but at least he doesn’t live in a van. 1.3125 0.05078 112 81 27 4
1696 Come on... Remember how you said you looked like a sissy in short pants...??? 1.3125 0.05817 112 86 17 9
1697 Billy, he may be more cuddly, but bottom line is you are both sons of bitches. 1.3125 0.05533 112 84 21 7
1698 I suspect your mother was promiscuous, but let's not jump to conclusions. 1.3125 0.05953 112 87 15 10
1699 He was more loyal to our family so we had to shift the estate to him. 1.3125 0.04751 112 79 31 2
1700 He insisted on formal wear to meet you for the first time. Usually, he runs around naked 1.3125 0.05078 112 81 27 4
1701 I'm sorry, he turned out to be the goodest boy in the whole wide world. You had your chance. 1.3125 0.05078 112 81 27 4
1702 C'mere Timmy, Father McGonicle is here to take your first confession. 1.3125 0.05078 112 81 27 4
1703 It's hard to find the perfect babysitter. 1.3125 0.05817 112 86 17 9
1704 Grandma worked very hard to make you that suit. 1.3125 0.05234 112 82 25 5
1705 Don't be mad Donnie. He is not a fake dog and your hands will always be bigger than his. . 1.3125 0.05533 112 84 21 7
1706 Well, Michelle thinks of him like a son. 1.3125 0.05677 112 85 19 8
1707 Sorry son, take-your-kid-to-work-day is a little different this year 1.3125 0.05078 112 81 27 4
1708 Alright, alright. Pomeroy says its fine if you come with us on our walk. Just stay right with us and don't run off. Otherwise, I'll put the leash on you. 1.3119 0.05785 109 83 18 8
1709 Don’t worry Tommy, we’ll get you a new suit with the new stimulus check 1.3119 0.06071 109 85 14 10
1710 I’m sorry son, this is the way things work now with shelters. We’re the ones on trial! 1.3119 0.05326 109 80 24 5
1711 No! I am the good boy!!! 1.3119 0.05636 109 82 20 7
1712 His mother’s the bitch. Which makes you the bastard. 1.3119 0.05930 109 84 16 9
1713 He’s just like you, only friendlier. 1.3119 0.05636 109 82 20 7
1714 it's your turn to fetch 1.3113 0.05080 106 76 27 3
1715 Don’t force me to send you to obedience school. 1.3103 0.06185 87 65 17 5
1716 Just go find a tree somewhere 1.3103 0.05110 116 85 26 5
1717 Come on,Tommy! it’s Barksley’s birthday,and if he wants to go sniffing butts, then that’s what we’re gonna’ do! 1.3103 0.05395 116 87 22 7
1718 Buddy's just filling in until we can get a new monkey 1.3103 0.05797 116 90 16 10
1719 Now it is your turn to go to obedience school. 1.3103 0.04807 116 83 30 3
1720 His pedigree is higher. 1.3103 0.05110 116 85 26 5
1721 I’m sorry doggy daycares opened before elementary schools, but you should be happy SOMEONE gets to get back to their routine! 1.3103 0.05110 116 85 26 5
1722 You’ll be fine, Timmy. I’ve already taken your stuff to the orphanage. 1.3100 0.05808 100 75 19 6
1723 Listen, this dance isn’t going to TikTok itself. 1.3097 0.05345 113 84 23 6
1724 Don't worry son, I love you both equally. 1.3097 0.04546 113 79 33 1
1725 Maybe YOU should go to obedience school. 1.3097 0.05041 113 82 27 4
1726 If Scout can get used to online school, so can you. 1.3093 0.05744 97 72 20 5
1727 You can go to school next year, all right. 1.3091 0.05441 110 82 22 6
1728 Son, he's smarter and cuter so get over it. 1.3091 0.05883 110 85 16 9
1729 Now you grab his other paw. 1.3091 0.05441 110 82 22 6
1730 Everyone ready for a return to in person instruction? 1.3091 0.05592 110 83 20 7
1731 It’s important they see us together. We need to normalize this. 1.3091 0.05592 110 83 20 7
1732 Rusty says you can live in his house until you're 3. 1.3084 0.05379 107 79 23 5
1733 Well, Donald, you told Grandma you didn't like her Christmas present last year, so she gave it to Roofus this year. 1.3084 0.05541 107 80 21 6
1734 No, but you're my favorite human son. 1.3084 0.05213 107 78 25 4
1735 HERE'S THE PUPPY I PROMSED YOU! 1.3084 0.05213 107 78 25 4
1736 you can do it 1.3084 0.05379 107 79 22 5
1737 Don't think of him as a dog. Think of him as an obedience school graduate. 1.3084 0.05379 107 79 23 5
1738 If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll have to start wearing Wendell's hand-me-downs." 1.3084 0.05041 107 77 27 3
1739 Hey Buddy, you haven't been completely replaced yet. There's still time for a late comeback. 1.3084 0.05851 107 82 17 8
1740 One day you’ll be best friends. 1.3084 0.05041 107 77 27 3
1741 Make no mistake, it’s a dog’s life 1.3084 0.05041 107 80 18 6
1742 i told u we would reuse ur first communion outfit 1.3084 0.05379 107 79 23 5
1743 Don't cry, you're a good boy, too. 1.3077 0.05990 91 68 18 5
1744 Don't pout, we're gonna get you a nice outfit also. 1.3077 0.05479 104 77 22 5
1745 hey, you were the one who wanted a brother. It's not my fault he looks cuter in your clothes 1.3077 0.05127 104 75 26 3
1746 she won best dressed in the dog show 1.3063 0.05694 111 85 18 8
1747 C’mon, be a good boy like your brother, Rover. 1.3063 0.05399 111 83 22 6
1748 You wouldn't like prep school anyways. 1.3063 0.04922 111 80 28 3
1749 See, homeschooling actually works really well for someone! 1.3063 0.05245 111 82 24 5
1750 Think about it. Who rescued whom? 1.3063 0.05245 111 82 24 5
1751 Of course his Project Runway audition went better than yours...look at your shoes! 1.3063 0.05245 111 82 24 5
1752 What do you mean we left your sister at home? 1.3061 0.05876 98 74 18 6
1753 Look he’s species fluid. 1.3061 0.05876 98 74 18 6
1754 You can be a Good Boy too Bobby! 1.3056 0.05497 108 81 21 6
1755 Surprise! We got you a math tutor, kiddo! 1.3056 0.05172 108 79 25 4
1756 When it's Take Your Child to Work Day we'll get you some fancy duds. 1.3056 0.05172 108 79 25 4
1757 Stop whining, Timmy. Or I'll put you back down that well! 1.3056 0.05950 108 84 15 9
1758 It’s OK. They always greet their new friends that way. 1.3056 0.05652 108 82 19 7
1759 Sulk all you want, your first novel will be nothing without this experience! 1.3056 0.05497 108 81 21 6
1760 He did get better grades in obedience school. 1.3056 0.05652 108 82 19 7
1761 What kind of foreign exchange program is this? 1.3056 0.05652 108 82 19 7
1762 Mom will never believe me when I say this was your idea 1.3056 0.04736 108 79 26 3
1763 So until regular school reopens, you can learn a lot at obedience school. 1.3056 0.05652 108 82 19 7
1764 Sorry, boy, our son is allergic to kids 1.3056 0.05950 108 84 15 9
1765 Hey, you were the one who said no kid sister. 1.3053 0.05810 95 71 19 5
1766 Tippy toes, Billy. You can do it. 1.3053 0.05614 95 70 21 4
1767 Sorry, but you're not the one who gets rewarded for begging. 1.3053 0.06184 95 73 15 7
1768 Yes, yes I know, but the doggy daycare was full, son. 1.3053 0.06362 95 74 13 8
1769 Why are you looking unhappy? I said I’d walk both of you without the leashes. 1.3053 0.05810 95 71 19 5
1770 Next week you get to wear the suit. 1.3053 0.05810 95 71 19 5
1771 I watched pensively as father tried once again to laugh off Kevin’s accusation that we were, in fact, not siblings. 1.3053 0.06184 95 73 15 7
1772 Be careful son.....remember mommy said 'It's me or that dog......' 1.3048 0.05434 105 78 22 5
1773 Buddy will be sitting next to you on the bus now. 1.3048 0.05600 105 79 20 6
1774 I don't care what she did, you can't call your sister a little bitch. 1.3048 0.05600 105 79 20 6
1775 I told you we were getting a dog sitter. 1.3048 0.06071 105 82 14 9
1776 Your sister's a bitch. 1.3048 0.06071 105 82 14 9
1777 Sorry son, but he got into that exclusive school because he wowed them at Westminster and you didnt 1.3048 0.05761 105 80 18 7
1778 C'mon, Billy! Obedience school just got another opening. 1.3048 0.05434 105 78 22 5
1779 Thumbs are not underrated, Tommy. 1.3048 0.05600 105 79 20 6
1780 Told you we would get you a brother 1.3048 0.05434 105 78 22 5
1781 Butch let’s me hold his, and he’s 35. 1.3048 0.05600 105 79 20 6
1782 Yes but he’s a GOOD boy! 1.3048 0.05263 105 77 24 4
1783 Spot loved Obedience School,you will too. 1.3048 0.05761 105 80 18 7
1784 You'll get a new outfit when your posture is as good as his is. 1.3048 0.05086 105 76 26 3
1785 Oh- so Now you want to wear the cute new suit Aunt Clara sent?! 1.3048 0.05600 105 79 20 6
1786 Now Timmy, be a good boy like Fido and I won't have to put on the leash. 1.3048 0.05600 105 79 20 6
1787 He's my best friend and you are my best favorite son. 1.3048 0.05434 105 78 22 5
1788 Who's a good boy? Not you! 1.3048 0.05086 105 76 26 3
1789 But you’re my boy! 1.3048 0.05600 105 79 20 6
1790 I promise, you’re my favorite son. 1.3048 0.05263 105 77 24 4
1791 Cheer up kid. Every dog has its day. 1.3048 0.05434 105 78 22 5
1792 See, Phideaux knows how to properly beg me. So that is why he is Daddy's favorite. 1.3048 0.05761 105 80 18 7
1793 He gets a treat because he’s a dog. 1.3048 0.05434 105 78 22 5
1794 Dalton, you'll get a nice suit like Ned's once you're potty trained. 1.3048 0.05600 105 79 20 6
1795 Now Tommy you asked for a brother 1.3048 0.05263 105 77 24 4
1796 C'mon! .... this would look great on you! 1.3048 0.05600 105 79 20 6
1797 Sorry, Thomas, your mom and I both heard you say you wanted a "preppie dog". 1.3048 0.05263 105 77 24 4
1798 It’s called obedience school and Fido can give you some pointers. 1.3048 0.05434 105 78 22 5
1799 I'm sure your classmates will LOVE your new brother! 1.3048 0.05600 105 79 20 6
1800 Well, he likes to dress up. 1.3048 0.05600 105 79 20 6
1801 Don't worry. Yours will have long pants. 1.3048 0.05761 105 80 18 7
1802 So, what's it gonna be, pre-school? or Obedience School? 1.3048 0.05918 105 81 16 8
1803 See, son, this is why I call him a good boy. 1.3048 0.05263 105 77 24 4
1804 When you learn to heel, sit, and stay, I'll take you to the park, too. 1.3048 0.05600 105 79 20 6
1805 Just the three of us, won't that be nice! 1.3048 0.05263 105 77 24 4
1806 Now, now don't let your bite be bigger than his bark 1.3048 0.06071 105 82 14 9
1807 He is only your half brother. 1.3048 0.05086 105 76 26 3
1808 You're the second child. Get used to it! 1.3048 0.05434 105 78 22 5
1809 You'll understand why he's my best friend once you grow into a man. 1.3048 0.05600 105 79 20 6
1810 Bobby, your school doesn’t require uniforms! 1.3048 0.05434 105 78 22 5
1811 Dad, at school they WILL know he’s a dog! 1.3048 0.05600 105 79 20 6
1812 Why can't you be more like Doug? 1.3048 0.05600 105 79 20 6
1813 I’m sorry. Did you want a suit too? 1.3048 0.05761 105 80 18 7
1814 Remember, if we get pulled over in the carpool lane, Patches is your?” “Yea yea yea, I’ve got it, my ‘human brother’... 1.3043 0.05119 115 85 25 5
1815 If you play nice, Fitz will tell you where he buried your bone. 1.3036 0.05357 112 84 22 6
1816 Oh come on, Billy. It’s not like we’re getting married tomorrow! Come on, please say hello to Gretchen 1.3036 0.05649 112 86 18 8
1817 Tommy, I promise, once you learn how to stand en pointe, you'll get a Little Lord Fauntleroy suit, too!! 1.3036 0.05048 112 82 26 4
1818 You know, you were a foster, too. 1.3028 0.05453 109 82 21 6
1819 We love you too, son. Just less. 1.3028 0.05295 109 81 23 5
1820 I swear I love you both equally 1.3028 0.05132 109 80 25 4
1821 Due to financial challenges we can only keep one of you, but we'll miss you, Stewie. 1.3021 0.06127 96 74 15 7
1822 It's just a little snip, boy, nothing to worry about. 1.3019 0.05221 106 78 24 4
1823 It's okay, I'm capable of walking both of you. 1.3019 0.05555 106 80 20 6
1824 Sorry kid, this little guy will always be my best friend 1.3019 0.06168 106 84 12 10
1825 Quit being such a brat; at least I didn’t make YOU dress up like Little Lord Fauntleroy. 1.3019 0.05221 106 78 24 4
1826 You can wear a suit too if you get potty trained like your brother! 1.3019 0.05390 106 79 22 5
1827 But son,Sparky wears it so much better. 1.3019 0.05221 106 78 24 4
1828 I think we know who the good boy is. 1.3019 0.05555 106 80 20 6
1829 When you pass obedience training, you’ll earn a uniform. 1.3019 0.05390 106 79 22 5
1830 Remember what I said about obedience? 1.3019 0.05714 106 81 18 7
1831 If you learn how to sit and stay, you can come out with us for dinner too, Timmy. 1.3019 0.05221 106 78 24 4
1832 You're my favorite son, but he's my best friend. 1.3019 0.05046 106 77 26 3
1833 Good news. You have a new baby brother. And he's always a good boy. 1.3019 0.05390 106 79 22 5
1834 Don't worry,sweetheart. You're my second favorite child. 1.3019 0.05869 106 82 16 8
1835 Sorry, Jackson, but he obviously likes The Beatles more than you. 1.3019 0.05555 106 80 20 6
1836 Well, he goes out more than you. 1.3019 0.05390 106 79 22 5
1837 Rex had definitively answered the question of “Who’s a good boy?” 1.3019 0.05390 106 79 22 5
1838 Someday, Bobby, when you learn to sit and stay, you, too, can go to kindergarten. 1.3019 0.05555 106 80 20 6
1839 Look Timmy, that extra $600 isn’t going to earn itself 1.3019 0.05555 106 80 20 6
1840 I don’t mean to invalidate your emotions, Bobby, but Mr. Biggsly has just what Westminster is looking for. 1.3019 0.05869 106 82 16 8
1841 He didn’t question my authority 1.3019 0.05221 106 78 24 4
1842 Like you, he’s adopted. 1.3019 0.05390 106 79 22 5
1843 You were a rescue too. 1.3010 0.05490 103 77 21 5
1844 Timmy, little Rover here has trained at the finest obedience school and is clearly a pure bred. He has people to FETCH for him. 1.3010 0.05490 103 77 21 5
1845 You wouldn't even be interested going, it's a dog and pony show. 1.3010 0.05490 103 77 21 5
1846 Well he is a royal corgi, so he has to wear short pants until he is 8. 1.3010 0.05490 103 77 21 5
1847 It’s the same school fido went to and he loved it! You’ll make new friends and get snacks all day long. 1.3010 0.05314 103 76 23 4
1848 Don't worry, you'll get his 'hand me downs' in seven years. 1.3010 0.05988 103 80 15 8
1849 And when we adopted you, too, our family was complete. 1.3010 0.05132 103 75 25 3
1850 Kids have you heard the good news: the halfwits who ran “The New Yorker” cartoon caption contest have been fired! 1.3010 0.05988 103 80 15 8
1851 Of course we love you more,but how many dogs have you seen that can walk on two feet? 1.3010 0.05314 103 76 23 4
1852 So,your brother wears your hand-me-downs. No big deal, right? 1.3010 0.05988 103 80 15 8
1853 You'll get it back right after Westminster. 1.3010 0.05490 103 77 21 5
1854 Look, Buddy! Our pandemic friend is visiting you again! Why don’t you two play with the legos he didn’t chew last time? 1.3010 0.05490 103 77 21 5
1855 Listen Pavlov, act like a dachshund and we get the government funding. Got it? 1.3010 0.05661 103 78 19 6
1856 Relax. Kids under 12 eat for free, and we're out of kibble. 1.3010 0.05132 103 75 25 3
1857 But haven't you been saying you'd like a baby brother, or a dog? How about we call him Twofer? 1.3010 0.05490 103 77 21 5
1858 I’ll take you at your word, but name calling doesn’t sound like Max. 1.3010 0.05314 103 76 23 4
1859 Come on Jack!, your brother Vincent learned to use his toilet alone when he was 8 weeks old. 1.3010 0.04943 103 74 27 2
1860 No,no,just because he sniffs your butt doesn’t mean you have to. 1.3010 0.05490 103 77 21 5
1861 It’s all about breeding, son. 1.3010 0.05490 103 77 21 5
1862 Well, Bobby - when you get admitted to law school, you can have a nice suit too. 1.3010 0.05988 103 80 15 8
1863 Yes he’s super cute and everyone wants to play with him and pet him but you have opposable thumbs . 1.3010 0.05132 103 75 25 3
1864 You'll be my number one man again as soon as you learn to conform and cooperate like he did. 1.3010 0.05827 103 79 17 7
1865 Relax, son. He will only live with us for the next 10-15 years. 1.3010 0.05490 103 77 21 5
1866 “He doesn’t want us to walk him. He wants us to walk WITH him.” 1.3010 0.05661 103 78 19 6
1867 Now it’s your turn to fetch the ball, Billy 1.3010 0.05827 103 79 17 7
1868 The reason we got kicked off of the plane is because you wouldn’t wear a mask, son. Don’t blame this on our dog’s flawless disguise 1.3010 0.05490 103 77 21 5
1869 Look Tyler, you have to stop screaming ‘Squirrel’ at Atticus. Now, give me paw. 1.3010 0.05314 103 76 23 4
1870 Letting your pup wear your clothes, eat off your plate, and chew up your stuff are small sacrifices to make to show your love. 1.3010 0.05314 103 76 23 4
1871 Grandma spent good money on that suit, if you don’t want to wear it, I’ll give it to someone who’ll appreciate it. 1.3010 0.05314 103 76 23 4
1872 It’s the first time for both of you without leashes so don’t blow this for her. 1.3010 0.05132 103 75 25 3
1873 Yes son, grandma would still notice the difference even if she's on Skype. 1.3010 0.05661 103 78 19 6
1874 He's been a very good boy, he gets to wear the suit. 1.3000 0.05239 120 91 22 7
1875 You're a good boy too... just not the BEST boy 1.2991 0.05347 107 80 22 5
1876 But you said you wanted to walk the dog. 1.2991 0.05007 107 78 26 3
1877 Remember what I taught you about sharing, Fido is trying out to be a Hospital Therapy Dog today. 1.2991 0.04641 107 76 30 1
1878 Why can't you be a good as your brother? 1.2991 0.05510 107 81 20 6
1879 If you learn to give me your paw properly, you’ll get a treat just like your brother did. 1.2991 0.05667 107 82 18 7
1880 You'll be with her family for a week. It's going to be fun!! 1.2991 0.05347 107 80 22 5
1881 Just because he's a "son of a bitch" doesn't mean you can call him one. 1.2991 0.05667 107 82 18 7
1882 If you don't lighten up, I'm making YOU wear the suit next time! 1.2991 0.05007 107 78 26 3
1883 You can take your shoes off when we get home, Archie. 1.2991 0.05007 107 78 26 3
1884 Its ok son. You can be man's second best friend 1.2991 0.05007 107 78 26 3
1885 Don’t worry, Timmy. We’ll get you a nice suit too, when you turn seven, like Fluffy. 1.2991 0.05007 107 78 26 3
1886 We just brought Rover home from Obedience School, you're next! 1.2991 0.05510 107 81 20 6
1887 Daddy loves both of you equally." 1.2991 0.05007 107 78 26 3
1888 And when you're a man, he'll be your best friend. 1.2991 0.05510 107 81 20 6
1889 C'mon Tommy. Obedience school will be so much fun! Look what it did for your dog! 1.2991 0.05667 107 82 18 7
1890 Johnnie, he may be a son of a bitch, but he's still your step brother. 1.2991 0.05510 107 81 20 6
1891 Just because he's well dressed and polite it doesn't mean he's my favorite. 1.2991 0.05007 107 78 26 3
1892 I know, but he really likes to dress up. 1.2991 0.05347 107 80 22 5
1893 Yes you’re adopted. But that doesn’t mean we love you any less than your brother. 1.2991 0.05180 107 79 24 4
1894 Daddy loves both his children equally. 1.2991 0.05180 107 79 24 4
1895 Don't be a sore loser. He won the fashion contest by 11,780 votes! 1.2991 0.05180 107 79 24 4
1896 You better straighten up, young man, or I'll send YOU to Obedience School! 1.2991 0.05667 107 82 18 7
1897 I promise you’ll enjoy boarding school-look what it’s done for your brother! 1.2991 0.05510 107 81 20 6
1898 Frank, I 'm taking your new brother Fred off to his socially distanced puppy group. When I get back I'll home school you. 1.2991 0.05667 107 82 18 7
1899 Why are you so angry? You got too big for those clothes, but they're just the right size for good ol Buddy. 1.2991 0.05510 107 81 20 6
1900 You can keep walking on two legs. 1.2991 0.05180 107 79 24 4
1901 Maybe if you make an effort to get along with people better, one day you’ll have a best friend too, 1.2991 0.05347 107 80 22 5
1902 Smile and I'll give you a treat, too. 1.2991 0.05180 107 79 24 4
1903 Ok, we'll swap outfits and you can use the tailhole for toilet training. 1.2991 0.05970 107 84 14 9
1904 He'll love you like a brother, and always be your best friend. 1.2991 0.05007 107 78 26 3
1905 Donny, just because he won doesn’t mean you lost, ok? 1.2991 0.05970 107 84 14 9
1906 We are all brothers, buddy! 1.2991 0.05347 107 80 22 5
1907 I love both my boys equally- I swear! 1.2991 0.05347 107 80 22 5
1908 Percy goes in the potty... 1.2991 0.06116 107 85 12 10
1909 I told you, I’m not replacing your mother. I just fell in love. And I’m sure you’ll see what I see if you give this a chance. 1.2991 0.05180 107 79 24 4
1910 If he can wag, you can share! 1.2991 0.05347 107 80 22 5
1911 It’s not my fault he does better on Instagram than you. 1.2991 0.05180 107 79 24 4
1912 Why can’t you be a good boy like Buster? 1.2991 0.05180 107 79 24 4
1913 He has more likes on Instagram than you do, so technically, he’s the big brother now. 1.2991 0.05180 107 79 24 4
1914 I heard all the girls at school find your best friend quite fetching. 1.2982 0.05276 114 86 22 6
1915 Now, Little Donald, like I've told you before: if you lie down with dogs-- no matter how well dressed they are-- you'll wind up with fleas. 1.2981 0.05614 104 79 19 6
1916 You can roll in the squirrel carcass first next time. 1.2981 0.05778 104 80 17 7
1917 but you can't fit it anymore, and he is a good boy! 1.2981 0.05271 104 77 23 4
1918 You'll always be my second favorite child. 1.2981 0.05445 104 78 21 5
1919 Yes! You’re twins! Don’t ask me again, Ollie! 1.2981 0.05271 104 77 23 4
1920 See? Skipper doesn't mind getting dressed up! 1.2981 0.05614 104 79 19 6
1921 Now Norman, be nice to Rockwell. 1.2981 0.05937 104 81 15 8
1922 But he’s a pedigree; we’re just mutts. 1.2981 0.05271 104 77 23 4
1923 I want a real brother! 1.2981 0.05614 104 79 19 6
1924 I'm sorry son, but I've already cut the hole for his tail. 1.2981 0.05271 104 77 23 4
1925 Well, of course I like him better - he's man's best friend! 1.2981 0.05614 104 79 19 6
1926 We didn’t just get you a dog - she is the Notorious D-O-G! 1.2981 0.04904 104 75 27 2
1927 No, we can't have hot dogs for dinner. 1.2981 0.05091 104 76 25 3
1928 Don't worry, you'll enjoy obedience school. 1.2981 0.05271 104 77 22 4
1929 It’s not that we love him more, it’s just that he’s more obedient. 1.2981 0.05778 104 80 17 7
1930 When you stop peeing in the corner you can have your suit back. 1.2981 0.05778 104 80 17 7
1931 Now, be a good boy like your brother. 1.2981 0.04904 104 75 27 2
1932 Maybe I should send you to obedience school" 1.2981 0.05271 104 77 23 4
1933 I know we said we were just fostering, Charlie, but we’ve decided to adopt.” 1.2981 0.05445 104 78 21 5
1934 Don't fret son...you'll always be my second best friend. 1.2981 0.05614 104 79 19 6
1935 It doesn’t mean you have to wear the leash. 1.2981 0.05445 104 78 21 5
1936 But you'll LIKE sleeping in the doghouse. 1.2981 0.05091 104 76 25 3
1937 Isn't it exciting Timmy? Your mother is part Royal Wolfhound. 1.2981 0.05614 104 79 19 6
1938 I told you your mother was a bitch 1.2981 0.05445 104 78 21 5
1939 Look, I've kept my promise to get you a brother! 1.2981 0.05271 104 77 23 4
1940 Don’t be grumpy, it doesn’t fit you anymore. 1.2981 0.05271 104 77 23 4
1941 He likes me best. 1.2981 0.05271 104 77 23 4
1942 Be a good boy, like your brother, and you’ll get a treat! 1.2981 0.05091 104 76 25 3
1943 Don't worry, Timmy, you're going to LOVE the farm upstate 1.2981 0.05937 104 81 15 8
1944 He's 54 in dog years now so yes, you have to obey him" 1.2981 0.05614 104 79 19 6
1945 Ah, buddy...It’s not personal. Daddy just wants to boost his Instagram follows. 1.2981 0.05778 104 80 17 7
1946 Now why can’t you be a “good boy” like your little brother 1.2981 0.05271 104 77 23 4
1947 Next one who s***s in the house is up for adoption. 1.2981 0.05778 104 80 17 7
1948 Only good boys get suits. 1.2970 0.06060 101 79 14 8
1949 Hey Bobby- Good news! Your brother Sparky just got into the gifted and talented kindergarten program at your elementary school. You can take the bus together! 1.2970 0.05894 101 78 16 7
1950 Today is his turn to wear the suit and you wear the shoes. Tomorrow you can switch. 1.2970 0.05724 101 77 18 6
1951 He's going to a formal party at the Kennel Club, kids are not invited. 1.2963 0.05465 108 82 20 6
1952 Mommy said that two of us need a little time out.” 1.2959 0.05840 98 75 17 6
1953 Fred got all dressed up just to meet you! 1.2959 0.05657 98 74 19 5
1954 Come on now. You'll get your turn to go clothes shopping. 1.2959 0.05840 98 75 17 6
1955 Rexy just graduated summa cum laude, K9U - you start homeschool tomorrow! 1.2952 0.05567 105 80 19 6
1956 He’s a pet; agree? 1.2952 0.05400 105 79 21 5
1957 Come on Fido let’s take Joshua for walkies 1.2952 0.05400 105 79 21 5
1958 I keep trying to tell you, Stuart Little isn’t real. 1.2952 0.04865 105 76 27 2
1959 Life is ruff sometimes, pal! 1.2952 0.05567 105 80 19 6
1960 Well, at least he doesn’t poop his pants. 1.2952 0.05567 105 80 19 6
1961 Didn't you say you wanted a little brother and a dog for Christmas? 1.2947 0.05772 95 72 18 5
1962 Wags is my favorite but don't worry, you're going to outlive him. 1.2947 0.05962 95 73 16 6
1963 Come on, lick and make up... 1.2947 0.05772 95 72 18 5
1964 You can go first on the next fire hydrant, I promise. 1.2947 0.05772 95 72 18 5
1965 You wanted a dog, I wanted obedience. Win-win. 1.2947 0.05370 95 70 22 3
1966 Just pretend it’s your little brother. 1.2947 0.05574 95 71 20 4
1967 Good boys get treats. 1.2947 0.05772 95 72 18 5
1968 Don't worry Tommy....We're going to find you a good home!!! 1.2947 0.06147 95 74 14 7
1969 You can still have the lower bunk! 1.2947 0.05772 95 72 18 5
1970 Now, who's the clever boy? 1.2947 0.05772 95 72 18 5
1971 Come on, boy! Roll over! 1.2947 0.05772 95 72 18 5
1972 Are you calling him a liar? 1.2947 0.05772 95 72 18 5
1973 And this time its you thats going to "live on a farm" 1.2947 0.05370 95 70 22 3
1974 The truth is Billy, that Rex is our actual son and you were adopted. 1.2947 0.05772 95 72 18 5
1975 Now be nice to your brother! 1.2947 0.05574 95 71 20 4
1976 He's family, too. 1.2947 0.05772 95 72 18 5
1977 If you behave, you can get a treat too! 1.2947 0.05574 95 71 20 4
1978 Sorry son,no fireworks. You know how they upset your little brother. 1.2947 0.05574 95 71 20 4
1979 Because you didn't wag your tail, that's why! 1.2947 0.05772 95 72 18 5
1980 How do you expect him to play with you? You're 9 and he's 63. We're on our way to apply for his Social Security. 1.2941 0.05675 102 78 18 6
1981 See what a good boy your brother is? 1.2941 0.05675 102 78 18 6
1982 Now apologize for telling your sister she looks like a dog. 1.2941 0.05501 102 77 20 5
1983 Since you were so naughty, Donald, we are replacing you with a "Good Boy." 1.2941 0.05675 102 78 18 6
1984 Now remember Timmy, no biting! 1.2941 0.05501 102 77 20 5
1985 Your mom wanted you to have a canine brother to help you survive in this dog eat dog world! 1.2941 0.05501 102 77 20 5
1986 He's my best friend, but you'll always be my son. 1.2941 0.05675 102 78 18 6
1987 Tommy realized his father's definition of a "play date' was way off! 1.2941 0.05501 102 77 20 5
1988 Oh, c'mon! You're just as smart as he is! 1.2941 0.05322 102 76 22 4
1989 Don’t be silly...I love you both equally. 1.2941 0.05675 102 78 18 6
1990 'When you win a blue ribbon you can dress that way too' 1.2941 0.05136 102 75 24 3
1991 He's your cousin. Stop pulling his tail. 1.2941 0.05675 102 78 18 6
1992 Jimmy, it’s take your kids to work day, so be on your best behavior. 1.2935 0.05473 92 68 21 3
1993 I know, but he was with the kittens when they lost their mittens, and then they said 'lose your shoes'... 1.2929 0.05607 99 75 19 5
1994 I knew we should’ve re-homed you when the puppy came, but your mom wasn’t having it. 1.2929 0.06134 99 78 13 8
1995 Meet your new influencer. 1.2929 0.05607 99 75 19 5
1996 Bootsie is twenty-one doggy years so he can trade on Wall Street. 1.2929 0.05788 99 76 17 6
1997 Sure he’s better at tennis, football, school, soccer, rugby, bowling, basketball, badminton, dancing, baseball and he’s cuter, but you ARE taller. 1.2929 0.05420 99 74 21 4
1998 If you’d just just wear the nice clothes your mother picked out, like Sweetie is, you’d be a lot happier. 1.2929 0.05788 99 76 17 6
1999 Aw, come on now, you know I don't love either one of you more than the other. 1.2929 0.05420 99 74 21 4
2000 Dad, you assured me when the new arrival got here that I’d still be top dog. 1.2929 0.05788 99 76 17 6
2001 He could become your best friend. 1.2929 0.05026 99 72 25 2
2002 Your sister and I have discussed it and we’ve decided to re-home you. 1.2929 0.05964 99 77 15 7
2003 In this dog-eat-dog world, son, you can't keep riding on Skippy's coattails. 1.2929 0.05788 99 76 17 6
2004 Your mother and I are heading out, please listen to the baby sitter! 1.2929 0.05788 99 76 17 6
2005 Sorry, Aiden, the saying is 'every dog has its day'. Unfortunately, you're just a human. 1.2925 0.05356 106 80 21 5
2006 I reacted the same way when your grandfather told me. 1.2925 0.05356 106 80 21 5
2007 Who wants a treat? 1.2921 0.05806 89 67 18 4
2008 Chin up, Bobby - in dog years, you'd already be dead. 1.2913 0.05627 103 79 18 6
2009 Come on. Speak boy. Speak. 1.2913 0.05278 103 77 22 4
2010 Who's almost a good boy?! 1.2913 0.05278 103 77 22 4
2011 That’s right, Chester now wants you to retrieve it. 1.2913 0.06113 103 82 12 9
2012 He doesn't wet his bed. 1.2913 0.05627 103 79 18 6
2013 You would like him, he loves to play all day! 1.2913 0.05278 103 77 22 4
2014 Let’s try a new game! It’s called “Obedience.” 1.2913 0.05094 103 76 24 3
2015 You bought him a suit! 1.2913 0.05627 103 79 18 6
2016 Whose a good boy, Billy. 1.2913 0.05627 103 79 18 6
2017 It’s time to shake and make up 1.2913 0.05793 103 80 16 7
2018 I told you not to race him for the suit. 1.2913 0.05627 103 79 18 5
2019 Tonight, I’ll read you the bedtime story about the prodigal son. 1.2900 0.05374 100 75 21 4
2020 Don't be so sad. I'll find some shoes for him. 1.2900 0.05738 100 77 17 6
2021 Jimmy, don't be mad! When you learn to fetch, I'll get you a little suit, too! 1.2900 0.04984 100 73 25 2
2022 I know you don't get along with your brother but really, his bark is worse than his bite. 1.2900 0.05183 100 74 23 3
2023 Don't you remember? I told you we were going to adopt a new member of the family. 1.2900 0.05279 100 77 18 5
2024 You can have your treat when you behave like Pup-Pup does. 1.2900 0.05374 100 75 21 4
2025 Don't worry, it's ok if you are not comfortable walking on your hind legs. 1.2900 0.05738 100 77 17 6
2026 Be nice, Jimmy, otherwise when you both grow up, he'll bite your head off... 1.2900 0.05738 100 77 17 6
2027 Jojo was a circus dog. YOU are the one with the big boy pants. 1.2900 0.05374 100 75 21 4
2028 Everyone gets their fifteen minutes of fame, but that's an hour and a half in dog years. 1.2900 0.05738 100 77 17 6
2029 Father John is in quarantine. He sent Deacon Fideaux for your catechism tutoring today. 1.2900 0.06079 100 79 13 8
2030 Tell your brother you're sorry for calling him adopted. 1.2900 0.05183 100 74 23 3
2031 Oh, C'mon Freddie. Try to be more like Ralph. 1.2900 0.05374 100 75 21 4
2032 Of course I’m not playing favorites, but he IS in college. 1.2900 0.05559 100 76 19 5
2033 If you were potty-trained you’d get a fancy suit too. Hashtag goals, kid! 1.2900 0.05374 100 75 21 4
2034 WELL WE DID EVERYTHING WE COULD, INITIALLY, TO INVEST IN YOUR FUTURE , BUT UNLIKE FIDO HERE, YOU FOUGHT US ALL THE WAY 1.2900 0.05738 100 77 17 6
2035 Son, I didn’t say I loved the dog as much as you, I said I loved the dog more than you 1.2900 0.05559 100 76 19 5
2036 Yes, he IS your cousin. And yes, you have to pick it up if he poops at the park. 1.2900 0.05183 100 74 23 3
2037 This is my NEW “little man” because he obeys me better than you do. 1.2900 0.05559 100 76 19 5
2038 You need to be nice to your bother, even if he is behaving like the son-of-a-bitch. 1.2900 0.05559 100 76 19 5
2039 « This is our therapist and our ticket to get out of the house, be nice to him» 1.2900 0.05559 100 76 19 5
2040 I told you your cousin is a bit different...he’s English. . 1.2900 0.05374 100 75 21 4
2041 It’s like you’re not even trying to be such a good boy. 1.2900 0.05374 100 75 21 4
2042 I’m sorry son, but Fido is much better at catch than you 1.2900 0.05911 100 78 15 7
2043 You will get used to it. It’s called meritocracy. 1.2900 0.05559 100 76 19 5
2044 Your therapist will thank me later. 1.2900 0.05559 100 76 19 5
2045 You're a good boy, too. 1.2887 0.05276 97 72 22 3
2046 It could be worse. We could have given you his shock collar. 1.2887 0.05475 97 73 20 4
2047 Mom was just kidding when she mistook him for you 1.2887 0.05668 97 74 18 5
2048 Just because your aunt is a bitch doesn't mean you can't be polite to your cousin. 1.2887 0.05668 97 74 18 5
2049 Okay--next week YOU can wear "The Little Lord Fauntleroy" outfit! 1.2887 0.05668 97 74 18 5
2050 if he can,you can 1.2887 0.05475 97 73 20 4
2051 He ain't heavy, he's your brother. 1.2887 0.05855 97 75 16 6
2052 No, he's not my favorite. I love you boys both the same. 1.2887 0.04851 97 70 26 1
2053 Hunter,you must understand that dogs now have human names,so Noah now dresses like you used to. 1.2887 0.05668 97 74 18 5
2054 You should be happy that your mom and I have embraced moral relativism! 1.2887 0.05068 97 71 24 2
2055 Boarding school will do wonders for you, too! 1.2887 0.05475 97 73 20 4
2056 Try using your human words. 1.2887 0.05276 97 72 22 3
2057 just because your new stepmom is a bitch doesn’t mean you can call her one 1.2887 0.05668 97 74 18 5
2058 Remember how important it is to share. You got to wear the suit yesterday. 1.2887 0.05276 97 72 22 3
2059 No son, the right word is envy not jealousy. 1.2887 0.05475 97 73 20 4
2060 Say hello to your new tutor, Timmy. 1.2887 0.05276 97 72 22 3
2061 If Fido can be housebroken, so can you! 1.2887 0.04625 97 74 20 3
2062 I don't want to be just like him. 1.2887 0.05475 97 73 20 4
2063 Now that he's your height, you can share clothes 1.2887 0.05668 97 74 18 5
2064 Look son, a dog is a man’s best friend not a grouchy kid who wants an ice cream cone. 1.2887 0.05475 97 73 20 4
2065 Just one more Instagram post for Mommy and we will be done. 1.2887 0.05855 97 75 16 6
2066 C'mon, tell Rex he looks fetching! 1.2887 0.05276 97 72 22 3
2067 If you can stand and walk on your tippy-toes, I'll get you a short pants suit as well. 1.2887 0.05855 97 75 16 6
2068 What's wrong with second best friend? 1.2887 0.05475 97 73 20 4
2069 Obedience School is a tradition in this family. 1.2887 0.05475 97 73 20 4
2070 That's not true...I love you both equally." 1.2887 0.05068 97 71 24 2
2071 Remember, its not hard. Eat your meals, do tricks and be my best friend. You'll catch on. 1.2887 0.05475 97 73 20 4
2072 Don't cry, Tommy. You really ARE a son of a bitch, just like your little brother, Corky. 1.2887 0.05668 97 74 18 5
2073 Johnny, stop eating Rover's homework. 1.2887 0.05855 97 75 16 6
2074 Don't be sad Billy. Next year we're sending you to Obedience School. 1.2887 0.05276 97 72 22 3
2075 Okay, now you say you’re sorry and lick HIS face. 1.2887 0.05276 97 72 22 3
2076 A little sister would’ve been better than this. 1.2887 0.05668 97 74 18 5
2077 When you get 10,000 followers, we’ll get you a new outfit too 1.2887 0.05276 97 72 22 3
2078 He learned how to sit, stay, and potty train before you. Of course he gets half of your inheritance. 1.2887 0.05475 97 73 20 4
2079 When you stop peeing your pants, you can wear nice suits, too. 1.2887 0.05475 97 73 20 4
2080 C'mon honey, you know he's much better behaved than you and also way more grateful. 1.2887 0.05668 97 74 18 5
2081 I just think you’ll be happier at your mother’s 1.2887 0.05668 97 74 18 5
2082 If we give him a coffee and a bow tie, Instagram will lose it. 1.2887 0.05475 97 73 20 4
2083 Calling your brother dogface isn't goi ng to make us love him any less, Timmy. 1.2887 0.05855 97 75 16 6
2084 obedience school or a leash. you get the same choice he did; the suit is optional. 1.2887 0.05276 97 72 22 3
2085 You can have your suit back when you lose the weight. 1.2881 0.05121 118 90 22 6
2086 Don't be silly, you're my best friend too. 1.2874 0.05642 87 65 19 3
2087 Father Fido isn't Catholic. He's Episcopalian just like you, Tippy. Really! 1.2872 0.05978 94 73 15 6
2088 I don't believe little Jeeves would do that. It's not like him. 1.2871 0.05328 101 76 21 4
2089 Now Tommy, if you wanted a normal dog like all of your friends have, you should have been more specific. 1.2857 0.05618 98 75 18 5
2090 Reggie here likes going to school. You will too, I promise. 1.2857 0.05230 98 73 22 3
2091 He’ll help you pledge at obedience school. 1.2857 0.05427 98 74 20 4
2092 You told me that I was supposed to be the teachers pet, Dad!!! 1.2857 0.05802 98 76 16 6
2093 Hey, Donnie, life is not always fair. Your mommy and I just happen to like dogs better than kids. 1.2857 0.05618 98 75 18 5
2094 Remember, he's seven times older than you. You'll get a proper suit when you're his age. 1.2857 0.05618 98 75 18 5
2095 When you learn to heel, beg, sit, and come you’ll get nice clothes too. 1.2857 0.05618 98 75 18 5
2096 Don't pull your brother's tail! 1.2857 0.05230 98 73 22 3
2097 Barkley says this time you can throw the ball and he'll fetch! 1.2857 0.05230 98 73 22 3
2098 ‘Frankly, if you want me to treat you like a human, you have to act like a human! Look at your brother! Always so well dressed, so polite! He was the star of the night last weekend when we had the Gallager's over for drinks.’ 1.2857 0.05427 98 74 20 4
2099 Now little Timmy,it's your turn to go to obedience school 1.2857 0.05025 98 72 24 2
2100 But Charlie, you can't pull off a short pant. 1.2857 0.04811 98 71 26 1
2101 Welcome, this is your new forever home. 1.2857 0.05025 98 72 24 2
2102 Either you hold my hand or I get the leash out. 1.2857 0.05230 98 73 22 3
2103 Now Billy, we all agreed that if we adopted a little brother for you that we’d each need to do our part to make him feel like a member of our family... Now put on a happy face, compliment him on his new suit, and let’s start acting like you’re excited to smell each others butts. 1.2857 0.05981 98 77 14 7
2104 Timmy, you don’t have to stand six feet apart from this good boy 1.2857 0.06005 84 64 16 4
2105 Now kids, I know 2021 is scary, but we have to try it anyway. 1.2857 0.05230 98 73 22 3
2106 Here’s that puppy I promised you for taking daddy’s side in his divorce from mommy! 1.2857 0.05802 98 76 16 6
2107 I know you wanted to wear the fancy clothes, but he just really pulls it off. 1.2857 0.05427 98 74 20 4
2108 Clothes make a man. Naked dogs have little or no influence on society. 1.2857 0.05618 98 75 18 5
2109 Make it look like an accident. 1.2843 0.05283 102 77 21 4
2110 Who's a good boy? You are! Yes, you're a good boy. Good boy! 1.2843 0.05283 102 77 21 4
2111 You outgrew it 1.2843 0.05639 102 79 17 6
2112 When you're a good boy, you'll get extra screen time too! 1.2842 0.05325 95 71 21 3
2113 He’s dressed to the 9’s ...K9’s 1.2842 0.05532 95 72 19 4
2114 There, there,Billy, don't be mad. Roscoe beat you fair and square for best in show. 1.2842 0.05325 95 71 21 3
2115 Stop accusing me of favoratism -- I don't have a dog in this fight! 1.2842 0.05532 95 72 19 4
2116 C'mon buddy. You know that biting never works. 1.2842 0.05532 95 72 19 4
2117 Don’t worry you’ll grow a tail too someday if you go into politics, something has to come out on that end” 1.2842 0.05923 95 74 15 6
2118 Why do sad? This year we got you both a brother AND a dog! 1.2842 0.05532 95 72 19 4
2119 Daddy only favors Max because he does what he's told and doesn't need to go to college. 1.2842 0.05325 95 71 21 3
2120 Pffft...who said you were the runt of the litter? 1.2842 0.05532 95 72 19 4
2121 Why can't you be more like Schatzi? 1.2842 0.05532 95 72 19 4
2122 When I say stay, that means both of you 1.2842 0.05325 95 71 21 3
2123 Some fathers can have two best friends. 1.2842 0.05532 95 72 19 4
2124 Every dog has it’s day. 1.2842 0.05923 95 74 15 6
2125 If you work on obedience, being the ugly one won't matter. 1.2842 0.05325 95 71 21 3
2126 Son, you’re getting too big to wear Spot’s hand-me-downs. 1.2842 0.06290 95 76 11 8
2127 Even without the suit he gets more likes. 1.2842 0.05532 95 72 19 4
2128 I know all he can do is bark, but he still is your brother. 1.2842 0.05532 95 72 19 4
2129 It was this, or a leash for you. 1.2842 0.05532 95 72 19 4
2130 I'm sorry Son, you had your chance. 1.2842 0.05731 95 73 17 5
2131 Cheer up. It’s only for a day, and you can wear his collar! 1.2842 0.05731 95 73 17 5
2132 Rex says he stuck his tongue out at you to show he wanted to play. What can you tell me about it? 1.2842 0.05532 95 72 19 4
2133 You did not want to wear it to church. Why can't fido? 1.2842 0.05325 95 71 21 3
2134 Of course we love you, Fido is just more photogenic. 1.2842 0.05923 95 74 15 6
2135 Meet your new little brother, he’s adopted too! 1.2842 0.05325 95 71 21 3
2136 What’s normal these days, anyway? 1.2842 0.05532 95 72 19 4
2137 What part of ‘treats are for good boys’ did you not understand? 1.2842 0.05111 95 70 23 2
2138 Sorry Billy, he fetches better than you do! 1.2842 0.05111 95 70 23 2
2139 It's what all dogs wear when the graduate from an Ivy League obedience school..... Your turn will come. 1.2842 0.05325 95 71 21 3
2140 Let’s take it easy on Kenny—I hear his mother’s a real bitch. 1.2842 0.05923 95 74 15 6
2141 You don't have to call her mom yet, but can you please stop using "that" word? 1.2842 0.05532 95 72 19 4
2142 It’s like I told your mom, dog years give him seniority in this household. 1.2842 0.05532 95 72 19 4
2143 I’m sorry son. I reevaluated my priorities in 2020. 1.2842 0.05923 95 74 15 6
2144 Johnny, I told you not to trade your brother for a dog. 1.2842 0.05923 95 74 15 6
2145 Just think of it as a dog day afternoon. 1.2842 0.05325 95 71 21 3
2146 Sit! I said sit! 1.2842 0.05731 95 73 17 5
2147 Go on - give him your shoes. 1.2842 0.05532 95 72 19 4
2148 Just because Rufus dresses better does NOT mean we love him more! 1.2842 0.05325 95 71 21 3
2149 Be a good boy, like Oliver 1.2842 0.05731 95 73 17 5
2150 ...Not only that but he's already in our pod." 1.2842 0.05532 95 72 19 4
2151 You see Billy, I told you Daddy's eye surgery was a sucess. 1.2842 0.05923 95 74 15 6
2152 And that sort of attitude is why Scruffy is the new favorite child 1.2842 0.05325 95 71 21 3
2153 You're still my No. 1 Son 1.2842 0.05532 95 72 19 4
2154 You stay! We'll play fetch when I get back! 1.2842 0.05731 95 73 17 5
2155 It’s not that it fits him well, it’s that it fits him at all. 1.2842 0.05111 95 70 23 2
2156 . . . and all you have to do is be a "good boy." 1.2842 0.05532 95 72 19 4
2157 You knew the rule, Horace, the first one to get potty trained gets the bedroom 1.2842 0.06109 95 75 13 7
2158 Just tell me sooner, Billy. Remember, he's been house trained long before you were born. 1.2842 0.05923 95 74 15 6
2159 He’s right! The overbred in funny suits do rule the world. 1.2842 0.05731 95 73 17 5
2160 No problem, you can have a collar too. 1.2842 0.05532 95 72 19 4
2161 I know but your bite is worse than your bark 1.2842 0.05532 95 72 19 4
2162 I don't know why the shelter named him "Little Dog Fauntleroy" but we can easily change it to Cedric if that's what you want. 1.2842 0.05731 95 73 17 5
2163 You two will also be sharing a bathroom, aka 'the back yard.' 1.2842 0.05731 95 73 17 5
2164 C'mon, Billy, let's go sniff your new step-mother. 1.2842 0.05731 95 73 17 5
2165 Guess who was voted Most Likely to Succeed in dog training school. 1.2842 0.05731 95 73 17 5
2166 Dad, Fido’s the other one. 1.2842 0.05731 95 73 17 5
2167 Who’s a good boy?! Who’s a good boy?! Not you!? Not You! 1.2842 0.05923 95 74 15 6
2168 Behave yourself and don't forget that one of you will be returned once the pandemic is over. 1.2842 0.05532 95 72 19 4
2169 Sparks can’t do training school remotely 1.2842 0.05532 95 72 19 4
2170 Your mom and I love you both equally. 1.2842 0.05731 95 73 17 5
2171 It's just for his obedience school pictures. 1.2842 0.05532 95 72 19 4
2172 You have to learn to dress for success. It’s a dog eat dog world! 1.2842 0.05731 95 73 17 5
2173 Listen, you are still my favorite son! 1.2842 0.05325 95 71 21 3
2174 He may be an uppity SOB, but he is still your brother. 1.2842 0.05111 95 70 23 2
2175 The dog wants to take you for a walk 1.2842 0.05325 95 71 21 3
2176 Come on, Riley, shake. Shake! Who's a good boy! 1.2842 0.05923 95 74 15 6
2177 We don’t love Fauntleroy more than you, he’s just a very good dog. 1.2842 0.05532 95 72 19 4
2178 No reason to be angry just because you're both named Roscoe. 1.2842 0.05731 95 73 17 5
2179 Don't worry. If you're a good boy, you too will have your day. 1.2842 0.05532 95 72 19 4
2180 This is why we are only celebrating Bandit's obedience school graduation today... 1.2842 0.05532 95 72 19 4
2181 Sweety, why can't you be like your little brother? 1.2842 0.05325 95 76 13 6
2182 Therapy isn't bad. Look at Fido - after a few sessions he's not only comfortable with his "true" self, he fetches his own clothing too! 1.2842 0.05731 95 73 17 5
2183 Don't be upset. You don't have to wear shorts, and you wanted the dog in the first place. 1.2842 0.05731 95 73 17 5
2184 It's a cultural thing, son. Now reciprocate the butt sniff. 1.2842 0.06109 95 75 13 7
2185 Well, you wanted a little brother. 1.2842 0.05325 95 71 21 3
2186 The dog graduated from Obedience School, and so can you. 1.2842 0.05532 95 72 19 4
2187 Remember son, he's learned to shake and make up 1.2842 0.05923 95 74 15 6
2188 When you finish obedience school you can have a suit as well...now sit! 1.2842 0.05532 95 72 19 4
2189 Jimmy, don't make fun of you're brother, He is fully trained" 1.2842 0.05731 95 73 17 5
2190 Having 2 good boys gives me an extra tax deduction! 1.2842 0.05325 95 71 21 3
2191 Don't worry Timmy! If you're a good boy, maybe next year I'll bring you to "take your son to work" day. 1.2842 0.05325 95 71 21 3
2192 Don't sulk. He's just my best friend. 1.2842 0.05325 95 71 21 3
2193 It's okay, son. Next year you might win best in show. 1.2842 0.05731 95 73 17 5
2194 Meet Ralph, your new best dressed friend. 1.2842 0.06109 95 75 13 7
2195 Bobbie, great news! You and Buster are going to be in the same obedience training class. 1.2842 0.05731 95 73 17 5
2196 While we home schooled you, guess who really paid attention. 1.2842 0.05923 95 74 15 6
2197 But this is the only little brother I could adopt for you. 1.2842 0.05532 95 72 19 4
2198 Good boy, Donald. When you grow up you will make a good President. 1.2842 0.06290 95 76 11 8
2199 Remember how we did your thing last weekend? This weekend we’re gonna sniff the kitty litter, okay? 1.2842 0.06290 95 76 11 8
2200 I guess it is true what they say a man is a dogs best friend. I guess you are just a friend to me, son. 1.2842 0.04771 95 76 14 5
2201 Stop pouting we’ve got to hurry and get Harold to his acting lessons. 1.2842 0.04887 95 69 25 1
2202 Don’t worry, Jimmy. One day you’ll be as smart as Fido. 1.2842 0.05731 95 73 17 5
2203 The thing is, he’s cuter than you AND he doesn’t sass back. 1.2842 0.05532 95 72 19 4
2204 Dad with the dog he said he didn’t want 1.2842 0.06465 95 77 9 9
2205 David, there is nothing wrong with hand-me-downs. 1.2842 0.05731 95 73 17 5
2206 . Yes he's adopted but he's still your real brother. 1.2842 0.05731 95 73 17 5
2207 Your school might be closed, but Miss Muffy’s School for Manners is open! 1.2842 0.04887 95 69 25 1
2208 Chin up, Bobbie. When you learn to stop chasing cars, you can go to school like Mr. Wiggles here, too. 1.2842 0.05923 95 74 15 6
2209 Maybe if you didn’t crap all over the house, you could come to Olive Garden too. Now be a good boy and fetch Carlisle’s silk dinner leash. 1.2842 0.05923 95 74 15 6
2210 But he’s wearing MY favorite outfit, dad 1.2842 0.05219 95 73 18 4
2211 AND he’s toilet trained. What have you done lately? 1.2842 0.05731 95 73 17 5
2212 Based on your 2020 distance learning performance, your mother and I have decided to invest your future college tuition in obedience school instead. 1.2842 0.05923 95 74 15 6
2213 Oh C’mon now. Being different is a good thing. Let’s shake hands. 1.2842 0.05532 95 72 19 4
2214 I thought i was your favourite good boy 1.2842 0.05325 95 71 21 3
2215 Look at him. Now, SIT! 1.2842 0.05532 95 72 19 4
2216 Yes, he’s my best friend, he’s man’s best friend, but you’ll always be my little buddy. 1.2842 0.05923 95 74 15 6
2217 It’s not that we don’t LOVE you son, he just gets more LIKES” 1.2842 0.05325 95 71 21 3
2218 don’t worry son, you can teach your brother how to dress himself and he can teach you how to chase after the mailman. It’ll be fun! 1.2842 0.05731 95 73 17 5
2219 He doesn’t love the hand me downs either, son, but we he lives with it 1.2842 0.05731 95 73 17 5
2220 I love all my litter equally. 1.2828 0.05185 99 73 22 3
2221 The dog isn’t my favourite Jimmy, he’s just more willing to wear the suit. 1.2828 0.04771 99 72 26 1
2222 If you straighten up, you'll get a treat too! 1.2828 0.05283 99 77 17 5
2223 You can wear the uniform when you get accepted to obedience school 1.2826 0.06245 92 73 12 7
2224 Johnny, our friends never had kids so this is the best playdate we can offer. 1.2826 0.06051 92 72 14 6
2225 ...C'mon Bobby...There called a "hand -me-down". 1.2826 0.05642 92 70 18 4
2226 I'll get you and your brother a pet for Christmas next year. 1.2826 0.05642 92 70 18 4
2227 Don't worry, Billy, we found a nice family on a farm who'll take you in" 1.2826 0.05850 92 71 16 5
2228 Come on, Freddie. Let's try without the leash today. See how Butch here does it? 1.2826 0.05642 92 70 18 4
2229 Come on, boy. Come on. It's time to walk the boy. Whose a good boy? Whose a good boy? 1.2826 0.05850 92 71 16 5
2230 It's not a competition Timmy but he is only two and already has his pet-degree 1.2826 0.05850 92 71 16 5
2231 Look! I know it's unfair, but you're not allowed to pee on the fire hydrant. 1.2826 0.05642 92 70 18 4
2232 I'll get you nice clothes too ... when you show the same degree of loyalty. 1.2826 0.05426 92 69 20 3
2233 He IS my best friend, but you're both good boys 1.2826 0.05426 92 69 20 3
2234 With a bit of training, I'm sure you'll fit right into our family. 1.2826 0.05426 92 69 20 3
2235 Don’t be angry, you know he was my first child! 1.2826 0.05642 92 70 18 4
2236 Come on Donny, you can't win all the time! 1.2826 0.05642 92 70 18 4
2237 Remember, Rover: a child is not just for Christmas. 1.2826 0.05642 92 70 18 4
2238 When you learn to heel, Bobby, then you’ll get a new suit too. 1.2826 0.05426 92 69 20 3
2239 He was first but we love you too 1.2826 0.05850 92 71 16 5
2240 He'll be back to play after we get a little boost in our stimulus check 1.2826 0.05426 92 69 20 3
2241 Why don't you let Tyrell show you how to do a trick? 1.2826 0.05642 92 70 18 4
2242 Come on Jackson! Chase your tail for just a little while, and then you can pick the next game! 1.2826 0.05642 92 70 18 4
2243 You don’t have to dress like Woof-Woof. Just let him teach you coding. 1.2826 0.05642 92 70 18 4
2244 Don't be upset. Once upon a time they called this "putting on the dog." Now it's just another Instagram put-on. 1.2826 0.05426 92 69 20 3
2245 Ok-then he’ll be the ring bearer and you’ll go to the kennel. 1.2826 0.05426 92 69 20 3
2246 Charles, your mother has already acquitted me of this peccadillo... It's your turn to forgive me. 1.2826 0.05642 92 70 18 4
2247 It's a question of attitude, not difference. 1.2826 0.05850 92 71 16 5
2248 And now, Billy, it’s your turn to act like a little dog!” 1.2826 0.05202 92 68 22 2
2249 Now be a good boy and give me your paw. 1.2826 0.05850 92 71 16 5
2250 Well sometimes you can be a condescending little bitch too. 1.2826 0.06245 92 73 12 7
2251 Come on, now. Look what Cotillion did for Doxy. 1.2826 0.04967 92 67 24 1
2252 if you had remembered that bag, you wouldn't have to carry it in your hand 1.2826 0.06245 92 73 12 7
2253 Now, Tommy, it wasn't your mother I was calling a bitch. 1.2826 0.05850 92 71 16 5
2254 Now, let's have a 'Big Boy' face for Buster's success on YouTube. 1.2826 0.05850 92 71 16 5
2255 I told you that you have to wear tails if you go to the black tie party 1.2826 0.05850 92 71 16 5
2256 No worries. Your new little brother doesn't like broccoli or asparagus. 1.2826 0.05642 92 70 18 4
2257 First you put him in clothes. Then he's standing upright. What's next, is he getting the new PS5? 1.2826 0.05202 92 68 22 2
2258 If you stop pouting you can be my second best friend. 1.2826 0.05642 92 70 18 4
2259 You have to learn to convince everyone it's a person if you hope to be president one day. 1.2826 0.06051 92 72 14 6
2260 I'm sorry. They say you're just not obedience school material. 1.2826 0.05426 92 69 20 3
2261 Study hard enough and you too could get into Boston Latin. 1.2826 0.05850 92 71 16 5
2262 Aw, cheer up, you beat the cat! 1.2826 0.05642 92 70 18 4
2263 ok, I promise mom won't give her your shoes too 1.2826 0.05426 92 69 20 3
2264 How about you apologize for calling him "stupid looking" and "a phony pure bred." 1.2826 0.05426 92 69 20 3
2265 No! It's not that we love him more it's because he behaves better. 1.2826 0.06051 92 72 14 6
2266 I know but I could only afford a suit for one of you 1.2826 0.05202 92 68 22 2
2267 Meet your brother from a different mother. 1.2826 0.05850 92 71 16 5
2268 And that’s why he’s my best friend, and you’re not. 1.2826 0.05850 92 71 16 5
2269 I've been given this ultimatum before; I keep the dog. 1.2826 0.06051 92 72 14 6
2270 Stop it. We need the $1800 to help cover the $12,000 we owe in rent. 1.2826 0.06245 92 73 12 7
2271 Son, all millenials are getting them. Pets and plants are the new children. 1.2826 0.05426 92 69 20 3
2272 Just because you're adopted doesn't mean we love you any less. 1.2826 0.05202 92 68 22 2
2273 Don’t fuss. You will get his hand-me-downs. 1.2826 0.05850 92 71 16 5
2274 You’ll have more followers one day, keep your chin up! 1.2826 0.05850 92 71 16 5
2275 Well, what do you know? The dog really DOES behave better than you!" 1.2826 0.05426 92 69 20 3
2276 Sorry Mikey, I only brought dog treats. 1.2826 0.05850 92 71 16 5
2277 It's okay Timmy, just shake his paw 1.2816 0.05054 103 77 23 3
2278 Don’t be sad! You’ll get to wear the nice clothes when you learn to play dead 1.2816 0.05758 103 81 15 7
2279 You know I love you both equally. 1.2812 0.05278 96 72 21 3
2280 Hey, those pants don't fit you anymore. 1.2812 0.05482 96 73 19 4
2281 Dress for the job you want, son 1.2812 0.05678 96 74 17 5
2282 This is how a good boy behaves. 1.2812 0.05678 96 74 17 5
2283 No, son, we cannot just ‘bring him back.’ 1.2809 0.05759 89 68 17 4
2284 Don't be angry Son, all he knows are simple tricks. 1.2805 0.05827 82 62 17 3
2285 Don't worry – you're next in line for obedience school. 1.2800 0.05519 100 77 18 5
2286 Hey kiddo, we will get your special treat next! 1.2796 0.05154 93 69 22 2
2287 Now I want you to be a good sport and share your balls with him 1.2796 0.05376 93 70 20 3
2288 He's here to teach you obedience. 1.2796 0.05590 93 71 18 4
2289 We love you less now. 1.2796 0.05590 93 71 18 4
2290 Remember when I told you that somebody you'd get your very own brother? 1.2796 0.05795 93 72 16 5
2291 I'm sure he'll want to play fetch tomorrow. 1.2796 0.05154 93 69 22 2
2292 You'll be smarter than him one day Tommy. 1.2796 0.05376 93 70 20 3
2293 But you can't wear a dog collar -- we're Presbyterian. 1.2796 0.05590 93 71 18 4
2294 Come on - you know I love you as much as Rover. HE didn't get to where he is today by being a sourpuss. 1.2796 0.05590 93 71 18 4
2295 Come on, Billy. Lots of families adopt. 1.2796 0.05376 93 70 20 3
2296 Cheer up. One day you’ll get potty trained and graduate. 1.2796 0.05590 93 71 18 4
2297 Daddy loves you almost as much. 1.2796 0.05376 93 70 20 3
2298 You promised you'd go to Snuggle's piano recital. 1.2796 0.05376 93 70 20 3
2299 You will be able to wear a suit too when you grow up." 1.2796 0.05376 93 70 20 3
2300 Honestly, now that Ruffles has agreed to wear pants I’m not sure there’s a place for you here any longer. 1.2796 0.05795 93 72 16 5
2301 Trying to hump you is just how he lets you know he loves you. 1.2796 0.05795 93 72 16 5
2302 of course I love you more; he's just my best friend 1.2796 0.05154 93 69 22 2
2303 Look Jack, I'm sorry Mr. Wiggles had an accident in your room, but he's an award winning pedigree and you can't even read! 1.2796 0.05376 93 70 20 3
2304 But honey, it’s your turn to fetch. 1.2796 0.05154 93 69 22 2
2305 Don’t worry bud, I’ll take you to Disney when you master your times tables too 1.2796 0.06185 93 74 12 7
2306 Now,now, you can play with your real human friends once herd immunity is achieved. 1.2796 0.05795 93 72 16 5
2307 Today is McHenry Rover Charles the Second’s birthday. When it’s your birthday, we’ll go where you want to go, Craig. 1.2796 0.05154 93 69 22 2
2308 I don't love him more,I just love him in a different way ! 1.2796 0.04922 93 68 24 1
2309 Oh Timmy, you're not even Man's Best Son. 1.2796 0.05590 93 71 18 4
2310 Just because your name is Donald, doesn't mean you can kick the dog 1.2796 0.05376 93 70 20 3
2311 Why can't you be a good boy like Rover? 1.2796 0.05376 93 70 20 3
2312 Come along, son, now it’s your turn to go to obedience school. 1.2796 0.05590 93 71 18 4
2313 Come on, pal. You'll be tip-toeing in no time. 1.2796 0.05376 93 70 20 3
2314 If you had a front-line leadership position like his, I'd get you a suit, too. 1.2796 0.05993 93 73 14 6
2315 Look at Fido--he's being a good boy! 1.2796 0.05993 93 73 14 6
2316 But, Donald, you chose him to be your Vice-President. 1.2796 0.05795 93 72 16 5
2317 Now, now. He doesn’t object to pretending to be my son, and in time you won’t either. 1.2796 0.05376 93 70 20 3
2318 C'mon little buddy. You're special too. 1.2796 0.05154 93 69 22 2
2319 You bought HIM this year's Versace!? 1.2796 0.05993 93 73 14 6
2320 No one ever said boy was a man's best friend 1.2796 0.05795 93 72 16 5
2321 You should have subscribed to his style tips. 1.2796 0.04922 93 68 24 1
2322 Now stop being a little bitch like your sister. 1.2796 0.05795 93 72 16 5
2323 Now Danny, if you don't play nice with your cousin he'll bite, OK? He's from Germany. 1.2796 0.05993 93 73 14 6
2324 Maybe if you didn't piss your pants so much, we would mock you less 1.2796 0.06185 93 74 12 7
2325 Jimmy don’t be upset, our dog has border collie genes. 1.2796 0.05795 93 72 16 5
2326 Who's a Good boy? Now, who's a good boy? 1.2796 0.05376 93 70 20 3
2327 Look at it this way, at least you’re out of knickers. 1.2796 0.05376 93 74 12 6
2328 Don't call your stepmom a bitch. 1.2796 0.05795 93 72 16 5
2329 Stop barking at your brother 1.2796 0.05795 93 72 16 5
2330 No, you cannot let your tail hangout like Helmut! 1.2796 0.05590 93 71 18 4
2331 It’s a great life, son! Just ask Jasper! I wish I’d gotten neutered when I was your age! 1.2796 0.05795 93 72 16 5
2332 What? He's the one who brings home the bacon, Timmy! 1.2796 0.05795 93 72 16 5
2333 You’re the bad boy, HE’S the good boy. 1.2796 0.05590 93 71 18 4
2334 Don’t be mad. You don’t have to get dressed up for obedience school. 1.2796 0.05154 93 69 22 2
2335 It’s ok Teddy, you can fetch the next one. 1.2796 0.05376 93 70 20 3
2336 Now apologize for calling your big brother “just a dog.” 1.2796 0.05590 93 71 18 4
2337 Silly Billy, people don’t use the bathroom outside 1.2796 0.05590 93 71 18 4
2338 What? Don’t be silly. Of course I don’t love you equally. 1.2796 0.05590 93 71 18 4
2339 Sorry to break it to you like this: you were adopted. 1.2796 0.05154 93 69 22 2
2340 Son, he IS your brother - you’ve got to take turns with the dress clothes!! 1.2796 0.05795 93 72 16 5
2341 When are you going to start acting more like your brother? 1.2796 0.05795 93 72 16 5
2342 Yes it was your suit, but it fits him so much better. 1.2791 0.05646 86 65 18 3
2343 but Spike, Percy responded to every command! 1.2791 0.06111 86 67 14 5
2344 Remember how you used dress for school? Your friend Fido is here to remind you. 1.2788 0.05372 104 80 19 5
2345 Jimmy, the suit is too small for you now. 1.2788 0.05195 104 79 21 4
2346 Son meet our new therapy dog, Scooter! 1.2788 0.04625 104 76 27 1
2347 I'm sorry your sister bit you but it's just her natural instinct. 1.2788 0.05543 104 81 17 6
2348 When you learn to obey, you get your room back. 1.2784 0.05231 97 73 21 3
2349 Just because he is a good boy doesn't mean he is a great boy. 1.2778 0.05480 90 68 19 3
2350 We are sending Rocky to Law school unless you want to grab my hand and walk back home. 1.2778 0.05480 90 68 19 3
2351 It’ll be alright buddy, we will take your suit off the dog right after the Christmas card photo. 1.2778 0.05480 90 68 19 3
2352 You need to show more respect Max - in dog years he just became your older brother." 1.2778 0.05918 90 70 15 5
2353 Why can’t you be more like your brother, Spot? 1.2778 0.05703 90 69 17 4
2354 Well, maybe you could try to be a good boy, too. 1.2778 0.05918 90 70 15 5
2355 Yes, he's a dog, but he was here first. 1.2778 0.05918 90 70 15 5
2356 I know you loved it, but, you've outgrown the suit. It's your little brother's turn now. 1.2778 0.05918 90 70 15 5
2357 Hey hey...obedience school is a private education and look what it did for your brother. 1.2778 0.05918 90 70 15 5
2358 Now you BOTH have to keep your clothes on when we go to the store. 1.2778 0.05918 90 70 15 5
2359 Look at it this way--you're not a son-of-a-bitch! 1.2778 0.05918 90 70 15 5
2360 Come on Billy, he let you fetch his stick. 1.2778 0.05480 90 68 19 3
2361 Dog-on it, it is HUMANLY possible to love you both the same! 1.2778 0.05703 90 69 17 4
2362 Hey, it could be worse. You could be wearing HIS hand-me-downs. 1.2778 0.05703 90 69 17 4
2363 He is allowed to say that word because his mother is one. 1.2778 0.06126 90 71 13 6
2364 When you are house trained, you can have nice clothes, too. 1.2778 0.05247 90 67 21 2
2365 I'd be flattered if someone thought I was twins with Rover! 1.2778 0.05703 90 69 17 4
2366 When you're 30 you can wear a suit too. 1.2778 0.05918 90 70 15 5
2367 Just because you were rescued doesn't mean we love you any less. 1.2778 0.05004 90 66 23 1
2368 Now, Johnny, Artemis doesn’t care that you ate his homework again, but I say it’s got to stop. 1.2778 0.05247 90 67 21 2
2369 Billy, I know you don't like crapping in the yard and eating from bowls on the floor but everyone in this family is equal 1.2778 0.05480 90 68 19 3
2370 And if you learn to retrieve you can dress up like this too. 1.2778 0.05247 90 67 21 2
2371 It's too small for you anyway and besides its not your color. 1.2778 0.05703 90 69 17 4
2372 But you said you wanted a puppy! 1.2778 0.05703 90 69 17 4
2373 Listen little man, if buddy here is willing to go fetch random things for me, I think you can too. 1.2778 0.05247 90 67 21 2
2374 It's official!!! Animals are now people! 1.2778 0.05703 90 69 17 4
2375 You’re my real “Best Friend” 1.2778 0.05480 90 68 19 3
2376 The 2 of you need to shake hands! 1.2778 0.05480 90 68 19 3
2377 Come on, Donald. Stop your temper tantrump and start abidening by the rules like Joe here. 1.2778 0.05480 90 68 19 3
2378 I know how you must feel, but who’s a good boy? 1.2778 0.05247 90 67 21 2
2379 Be nice to your new brother, Buddy 1.2778 0.05247 90 67 21 2
2380 That sounded very speciesist. You don't want to go on record as a speciesist, do you Tommy? 1.2778 0.05918 90 70 15 5
2381 He loved obedience school. Maybe you should give it a try. 1.2778 0.05247 90 67 21 2
2382 Don’t worry buddy, you can be man’s second best friend. 1.2778 0.05480 90 68 19 3
2383 It's just that your brother is species fluid 1.2778 0.05918 90 70 15 5
2384 I only have room in my life for one best friend. 1.2778 0.06126 90 71 13 6
2385 Just because he has a college fund and you don't is no reason to be mad. 1.2778 0.05703 90 69 17 4
2386 That’s not true, son. I love you just as much. 1.2778 0.05703 90 69 17 4
2387 Be grateful you're too big for hand-me-downs. 1.2778 0.05703 90 69 17 4
2388 No, we can't go the flea market today. You know that your brother would be terrierfied to go there! 1.2778 0.05918 90 70 15 5
2389 Son, I know this is your favorite outfit, but there's going to be a dog at the White House again and we need to let him celebrate however he wants to. 1.2778 0.05480 90 68 19 3
2390 Son, I hate to tell you this but you are adopted. 1.2778 0.05918 90 70 15 5
2391 Mr. Fauntlerory will apologize for stealing your Twinkie if you apologize for lighting a fire-cracker in his hind end. 1.2778 0.05918 90 70 15 5
2392 I’m going to tell him that he’s adopted! 1.2778 0.05918 90 70 15 5
2393 Don't worry; when YOU finish obedience school, you'll get a new suit, too. 1.2778 0.05480 90 68 19 3
2394 Oh look at that, they fit better on your big brother. 1.2778 0.06126 90 71 13 6
2395 And your new friend already wears "big boy" pants! 1.2778 0.05703 90 69 17 4
2396 Not your DNA Daddy.. Sorry... 1.2778 0.05703 90 69 17 4
2397 Wow, potty training and dressing herself! What can you do? 1.2778 0.05918 90 70 15 5
2398 ...but you said you wanted a dog and a baby brother... 1.2778 0.05703 90 69 17 4
2399 Don’t be jealous, The suit is from the Salvation Army. 1.2778 0.05918 90 70 15 5
2400 So what he's wearing your fancy clothes? It's not like you're graduating kindergarten anytime soon. 1.2778 0.05703 90 69 17 4
2401 Why, of course neither of you is adopted. 1.2778 0.05918 90 70 15 5
2402 Jimmy, you'll always be son. But you'll never be my best friend. 1.2778 0.05703 90 69 17 4
2403 How does ‘man’s second-best friend’ sound? 1.2778 0.05918 90 70 15 5
2404 Cheer up, he'll be done with your suit as soon as the show is over. 1.2778 0.05918 90 70 15 5
2405 Your adopted sister is here to stay...and lay down...and roll over. 1.2778 0.05918 90 70 15 5
2406 They are out of tails, but how about a bicycle? 1.2778 0.05918 90 70 15 5
2407 Unlike you he knows how to be a good boy. 1.2778 0.05480 90 68 19 3
2408 And if you can't control your behavior, we'll have to send you to obedience school like we did with Baxter here. 1.2778 0.05918 90 70 15 5
2409 He's not going to school with you, just a little misunderstanding when I mentioned we'd be boarding him. 1.2778 0.05703 90 69 17 4
2410 Hey, it happens. I'll hose off those Air Jordans and bring out your old sneakers 1.2778 0.05247 90 67 21 2
2411 I hate to break it to you, but you’re not twins. He was adopted. 1.2778 0.05004 90 66 23 1
2412 If Rover can dress up for math class on Zoom, you can too. 1.2778 0.05480 90 68 19 3
2413 Go be friendly and sniff his backside too. 1.2778 0.05918 90 70 15 5
2414 Hold your pee till we get home, outside is his toilet, not yours! 1.2778 0.05004 90 66 23 1
2415 Once you quit playing XBOX and become more socialized like Fred here, then you can go back to school with your friends. 1.2778 0.05703 90 69 17 4
2416 He is our favorite, but don't worry, you will get all the chocolate” 1.2778 0.05918 90 70 15 5
2417 Son, I no longer relate to human beings. 1.2778 0.05703 90 69 17 4
2418 Dad, I still think you should be asking more questions when Mommy goes to dog park. 1.2778 0.05918 90 70 15 5
2419 Yes, George, you’re older, but Pepper‘s instagram channel has way more followers than yours and pays all our bills. So he gets the bigger room in the new house. 1.2778 0.05918 90 70 15 5
2420 It *IS* fair, because the clothes no longer fit you and I love him more. See? 1.2778 0.05703 90 69 17 4
2421 I know it’s hard to accept, Tommy, but yes — mom and I did see you as the practice puppy. 1.2778 0.05127 90 69 18 3
2422 You’ll love the new JCrew ensemble I have in store for you, too, junior! 1.2778 0.05703 90 69 17 4
2423 Well, technically yes he is. He’s also the son of me. By adoption. 1.2778 0.05703 90 69 17 4
2424 There can be only one good boy in the family. 1.2778 0.05247 90 67 21 2
2425 It was your turn to pick last week. We're going to the dog park because it's Woofbert's request. 1.2778 0.05480 90 68 19 3
2426 Just bottle up that anger, it’s the only thing you can do that he can’t! 1.2778 0.05004 90 66 23 1
2427 Okay, if we quietly tip-toe into 2021, maybe 2020 won’t follow us. 1.2778 0.05918 90 70 15 5
2428 We wish we could afford to send you both but don’t worry, the public school system is excellent here, Johnny” 1.2778 0.05480 90 68 19 3
2429 Now son, the election is over - Major gets the twitter account 1.2778 0.05918 90 70 15 5
2430 And now, you....sit! 1.2778 0.05703 90 69 17 4
2431 Now, be a good boy like Benji. 1.2778 0.05703 90 69 17 4
2432 You should try and be more like your little brother" 1.2778 0.05918 90 70 15 5
2433 See, your brother wants to go to the park. 1.2778 0.05703 90 69 17 4
2434 Now Johnny, the elite obedience school admissions were based on relative qualifications. 1.2772 0.05472 101 78 18 5
2435 You can’t punch your brother just because he growled at you. 1.2771 0.05766 83 63 17 3
2436 Yes, he'll always be able to bark. 1.2771 0.05766 83 63 17 3
2437 I promise you when you are a grownup you might understand. 1.2768 0.05702 112 90 13 9
2438 Party Dress vs. Daily Look 1.2766 0.05538 94 72 18 4
2439 Of course, I love you as just much as Bowser, now run and fetch that stick again. 1.2766 0.05538 94 72 18 4
2440 When you learn "Sit!" you can have nice clothes. 1.2766 0.05538 94 72 18 4
2441 That problems’s been solved, Henry’s wearing a diaper. 1.2766 0.05538 94 72 18 4
2442 Stop complaining. You'll look good in a dog collar, and you can pee anywhere you like. 1.2766 0.05538 94 72 18 4
2443 We love you both the same, but we like him a lot more 1.2766 0.05936 94 74 14 6
2444 The bitch set me up.” 1.2766 0.05936 94 74 14 6
2445 No - cloning isn’t perfect yet 1.2766 0.05936 94 74 14 6
2446 Who's dressed like a little bitch, now? 1.2766 0.05936 94 74 14 6
2447 He passed obedience training, that's why. 1.2766 0.05741 94 73 16 5
2448 Obedience school might be just the thing for you too! 1.2766 0.05327 94 71 20 3
2449 your brother has feelings too 1.2766 0.05538 94 72 18 4
2450 I’m sorry Jimmy, but you and your brother need to get tested again, there’s a new strain going around...COVID-K9-teen. 1.2766 0.05936 94 74 14 6
2451 Turns out home-schooling the dog is a breeze 1.2766 0.05327 94 71 20 3
2452 I don't HAVE a favorite, Tommy! 1.2766 0.05327 94 71 20 3
2453 Online school is hard, buddy, but we can only afford a tutor for one of you. 1.2766 0.05108 94 70 22 2
2454 If Lucy can get into a prestigious school in New York City, so can you. You just have to pretend you’re someone you’re not. 1.2747 0.06066 91 72 13 6
2455 Don't be jealous, he's just my FUR baby. You're my skin baby. 1.2747 0.05428 91 69 19 3
2456 You'd be surprised which one of you is my real son. 1.2747 0.06264 91 73 11 7
2457 I know you don't want to go to Obedience School, but look what it did for Bartholomew. 1.2747 0.05649 91 70 17 4
2458 I bought you AND the boy matching outfits. 1.2747 0.05861 91 71 15 5
2459 If you wanted us to buy you nice clothes, you should have been more respectful with your mask, like your brother was. 1.2747 0.05428 91 69 19 3
2460 Im your son, not him 1.2747 0.04958 91 67 23 1
2461 Son, this is Vanessa! We met online at OkStupid! 1.2747 0.06264 91 73 11 7
2462 Okay I will put ice cubes on your water dish 1.2745 0.05601 102 80 16 6
2463 Now, now don't pout Fredrick, I haven't even explained how he's your step-brother yet. 1.2737 0.05687 95 74 16 5
2464 I know your sister is a bitch, but we still love her. 1.2737 0.05881 95 75 14 6
2465 Yes,but you can pee with both feet on the ground. 1.2737 0.05687 95 74 16 5
2466 I know you're mad Billy, but you know mom and I have told you our priorities have changed in quarantine 1.2737 0.05881 95 75 14 6
2467 Well Fido can't go to school with you but at least he can wear the outfit Granny picked out for your first day! 1.2737 0.05062 95 71 22 2
2468 You don't have to give the stick back either! 1.2737 0.05687 95 74 16 5
2469 What can I say, your stepmom’s a bitch. 1.2737 0.05279 95 72 20 3
2470 Good boy! Now give me your paw and let's go for a walk! 1.2737 0.05279 95 72 20 3
2471 We don’t make those kind of distinctions in this family. 1.2737 0.05487 95 73 18 4
2472 Would you rather not ask these questions and just play fetch! 1.2737 0.05279 95 72 20 3
2473 You're both good boys! 1.2727 0.05535 88 67 18 3
2474 Now listen Timmy, no chewing on furniture or running after cars while your new friend is here.” 1.2727 0.05535 88 67 18 3
2475 Sniffing is their way of saying hello. 1.2727 0.05041 88 65 22 1
2476 I don't want to hear anymore about you being the only child. 1.2727 0.05294 88 66 20 2
2477 Sorry son but kids can’t go to obedience school. 1.2727 0.05766 88 68 16 4
2478 It’s ok you’re adopted too. 1.2727 0.05766 88 68 16 4
2479 I brought a plastic bag in case you have to go. 1.2727 0.05294 88 66 20 2
2480 'Trust me, dressing up for Grandma's visit will get you something a lot better than a dog biscuit." 1.2727 0.05988 88 69 14 5
2481 Sit, David. 1.2727 0.05535 88 67 18 3
2482 Woofie's not the only one who's adopted. 1.2727 0.05294 88 66 20 2
2483 Just because he's the top dog doesn't give you the right to bitch about it. 1.2727 0.05766 88 68 16 4
2484 Well, you said you didn't want a little sister. 1.2727 0.05294 88 66 20 2
2485 I'm sorry, barking will not get you more attention. 1.2727 0.05535 88 67 18 3
2486 J Crew turned into a pet rescue and look what I got! 1.2727 0.05294 88 66 20 2
2487 I'm sorry Spot is smarter than you at your age 1.2727 0.05535 88 67 18 3
2488 What are you gonna do, kid? Bite me? 1.2727 0.05535 88 67 18 3
2489 He can't help being a good boy, it's in his pedigree. 1.2727 0.05535 88 67 18 3
2490 I love you both as much, just differently. 1.2727 0.05766 88 68 16 4
2491 Come on,now. Shake his paw. It was a fair fight. He just has a lower center of gravity than you. 1.2727 0.05294 88 66 20 2
2492 You’ll like him better as a brother than a pet. 1.2727 0.05535 88 67 18 3
2493 Well, in dog years, he is older than you. 1.2727 0.05294 88 66 20 2
2494 You can have ice cream when you learn to fetch my slippers. 1.2727 0.05337 99 76 19 4
2495 Look how nicely your brother is behaving.... 1.2727 0.05766 88 68 16 4
2496 Now who's happy to have that silly cone off of their head? 1.2727 0.05535 88 67 18 3
2497 Now Tommy play nice. He’s all bark and no bite. 1.2727 0.05766 88 68 16 4
2498 I told you not to leave treats in your coat pockets,Now look what happened. 1.2727 0.05710 99 78 15 6
2499 Come on, you’re still the pick of the litter. 1.2727 0.05294 88 66 20 2
2500 You're just imagining that Bailey's getting more attention! 1.2727 0.05294 88 66 20 2
2501 You're lucky i'm not using a leash 1.2727 0.05766 88 68 16 4
2502 When you're grown up he'll be your best friend, too. 1.2727 0.05988 88 69 14 5
2503 Get your leash. 1.2727 0.05766 88 68 16 4
2504 Pandemic version of play date 2020 1.2727 0.05710 99 78 15 6
2505 He says fetch is so been there done that. 1.2727 0.05766 88 68 16 4
2506 Sorry son, he's 'man's best friend,' not 'kid's best friend' 1.2727 0.05294 88 66 20 2
2507 When you learn how to jump through the hoop then you can get ice cream. 1.2727 0.05535 88 67 18 3
2508 You don't have to bark if you don't want to 1.2727 0.05535 88 67 18 3
2509 Frisky needs to use your iPad for his remote learning too. 1.2727 0.05766 88 68 16 4
2510 Remember how I said that 2021 would be a different year? 1.2727 0.05988 88 69 14 5
2511 Remember you are the one who wanted a puppy. 1.2727 0.05766 88 68 16 4
2512 Actually, kiddo, you’re adopted. 1.2727 0.05535 88 67 18 3
2513 If you don’t want to hold my hand, I’ll have to get the leash. 1.2727 0.05988 88 69 14 5
2514 He’s got better clothes because he has to go to school. 1.2727 0.05535 88 67 18 3
2515 Come on son. You didn't like school anyway. 1.2727 0.05766 88 68 16 4
2516 Come meet your obedience teacher. 1.2727 0.05535 88 67 18 3
2517 With those fancy duds, I can't ask him to roll over. 1.2727 0.05535 88 67 18 3
2518 He’s only a puppy.Hence the new trick 1.2727 0.05535 88 67 18 3
2519 What's this about a bone to pick? 1.2727 0.05988 88 69 14 5
2520 But he’ll never steal your girlfriend. 1.2727 0.05988 88 69 14 5
2521 You too could be a good boy! 1.2727 0.05294 88 66 20 2
2522 C'mon, son, you'll love it! Look what kindergarten did for Muffy. 1.2727 0.05766 88 68 16 4
2523 But sweetie, you know he was better at Stay! 1.2727 0.06203 88 70 12 6
2524 Mr. Jones would never eat your homework, dear. 1.2727 0.05535 88 67 18 3
2525 Let’s go meet your new baby sister! 1.2727 0.06203 88 70 12 6
2526 Sorry, he can catch and return the ball better than you, but you are so much better at bat that we're making you the designated hitter! 1.2727 0.05535 88 67 18 3
2527 You thought your yo- yo trick was cool, but this is how you really walk the dog. 1.2727 0.05766 88 68 16 4
2528 Dogginit Buster—why can’t you behave more like your litter brothers and sisters? 1.2727 0.05988 88 69 14 5
2529 Look, Junior. He's not as needy as you. And he's trained. 1.2727 0.05988 88 69 14 5
2530 I promise we'll have your suit dry cleaned. 1.2727 0.05535 88 67 18 3
2531 You’re the adopted one! 1.2727 0.05988 88 69 14 5
2532 See Spot obey. 1.2727 0.05766 88 68 16 4
2533 Don't worry, you're still the top dog. 1.2727 0.05535 88 67 18 3
2534 You said you wanted a baby brother. 1.2727 0.05041 88 65 22 1
2535 Now now Joshua, what do we say when we call our playmate a son of a bitch? 1.2727 0.05988 88 69 14 5
2536 Mom's such a bitch! 1.2727 0.06610 88 72 8 8
2537 Yes, you were adopted. 1.2727 0.05988 88 69 14 5
2538 No, mom and dad don’t love your brother more 1.2727 0.05535 88 67 18 3
2539 He finished obedience school. You can too. 1.2727 0.05294 88 66 20 2
2540 Because of the unusual relationship with their family dog, Donald despised dogs in later life. 1.2727 0.05535 88 67 18 3
2541 But this is how I can give you a baby brother after mommy left. 1.2727 0.05535 88 67 18 3
2542 Who's a good boy? That's right, he's a good boy. 1.2727 0.05766 88 68 16 4
2543 If Rocky wins the contest, you get a new tricycle! 1.2727 0.05988 88 69 14 5
2544 Hey now, no one ever said life is fair! 1.2727 0.05535 88 67 18 3
2545 If Spot can learn to do his business outside, you can use the potty like a big boy. 1.2727 0.05535 88 67 18 3
2546 Mommy and I exchanged your cool guns for a doggy suit for chippy!! 1.2727 0.05535 88 67 18 3
2547 No you can’t be called Fido. HE’S Fido. 1.2727 0.05527 99 77 17 5
2548 Man's best dressed friend. 1.2727 0.05766 88 68 16 4
2549 No,Peter, I'm not going to make you dress up like Fido! 1.2727 0.05766 88 68 16 4
2550 Daddy, boy, dog! 1.2727 0.05766 88 68 16 4
2551 You could learn a lot from your dog. " Sit... Stay...QUIET! " 1.2727 0.05766 88 68 16 4
2552 Your insult didn't land because 'bitch' also means 'female dog.'" 1.2727 0.05535 88 67 18 3
2553 I promise. Next time you will get your turn to sleep in the kennel. 1.2727 0.05535 88 67 18 3
2554 You’ll understand when you have your own. 1.2727 0.06203 88 70 12 6
2555 Yeah, yeah, he walks on two feet but has four. Big deal. You didn't fall off your trike yesterday, that was very good! 1.2727 0.05766 88 68 16 4
2556 And when you’re a good boy, you can get a treat too. 1.2727 0.05527 99 77 17 5
2557 Why must I always have his hand-me-downs?” 1.2727 0.06203 88 70 12 6
2558 You have school from K-12. He's only K-9. 1.2727 0.05294 88 66 20 2
2559 Remember who pays for your PS5, Timmy. We wouldn’t have our reality show without a talking dog. 1.2727 0.05766 88 68 16 4
2560 Come on Timmy. Do you want to go for a walk? 1.2727 0.06203 88 70 12 6
2561 You can sleep inside again when *you’re* a good boy, okay?” 1.2727 0.05041 88 65 22 1
2562 Somebody is not getting a treat cookie 1.2727 0.05766 88 68 16 4
2563 Who rescued who? 1.2727 0.05535 88 67 18 3
2564 Son, just look at Sparkles. Look how friggin psyched he is. Now THAT'S the confidence a school uniform brings you. You're gonna be--how do you kids say--cool af! 1.2727 0.05535 88 67 18 3
2565 If you wear the matching suit, you don’t need to sit through the whole family Zoom call 1.2727 0.05988 88 69 14 5
2566 I know he gets more toys but look at how cute he is 1.2727 0.05766 88 68 16 4
2567 He is just more of a good boy than you are. 1.2727 0.05766 88 68 16 4
2568 You will understand when you are my age 1.2727 0.05535 88 67 18 3
2569 stop crying or no more treats for you. 1.2727 0.06410 88 71 10 7
2570 now THIS is what a good boy looks like 1.2727 0.05294 88 66 20 2
2571 Donny, behave or you will go to French obedience school with your brother. 1.2717 0.04913 92 73 15 4
2572 why did you call your sister a bitch??? 1.2717 0.05595 92 71 17 4
2573 He wants to say he's sorry for eating you're pet mouse. 1.2717 0.05377 92 70 19 3
2574 He says you're not properly attired to play fetch, Tommy. 1.2717 0.05150 92 69 21 2
2575 Well Johny, we can only afford to send one of you to a private school and quite frankly Rex is showing more promise. 1.2717 0.05377 92 70 19 3
2576 Come on now, apologize and sniff butts. 1.2717 0.05150 92 69 21 2
2577 He's better behaved, so he gets to wear the suit and you get to wear your scruffies. 1.2717 0.05595 92 71 17 4
2578 You're gonna love obedience school as much as your brother. 1.2717 0.05804 92 72 15 5
2579 Don't worry. The public schools here are great! 1.2717 0.05377 92 70 19 3
2580 Believe me, I wish we could send you off to obedience school too. 1.2716 0.05830 81 62 16 3
2581 Obedience school will be so much fun! 1.2716 0.06089 81 63 14 4
2582 You can wear the suit tomorrow. Deal? 1.2716 0.06089 81 63 14 4
2583 Son, say sorry to your brother for making fun of his outfit. 1.2716 0.06337 81 64 12 5
2584 But dad, why does he get to go out without wearing a mask? 1.2716 0.05830 81 62 16 3
2585 He’s getting the inheritance too 1.2716 0.06089 81 63 14 4
2586 I asked “who’s a good boy?” and he came back like this! 1.2716 0.05559 81 61 18 2
2587 Come on, Jimmy. You know he looks better in it than you do. 1.2708 0.05231 96 73 20 3
2588 He graduated from obedience school at the top of his class. 1.2708 0.05437 96 74 18 4
2589 Don't cry, I'm sure someone will adopt you when we drop you off at the pound. 1.2706 0.05891 85 66 15 4
2590 Yes, your Eddy Munster outfit had to be altered to accommodate his tail. 1.2700 0.05096 100 76 21 3
2591 This might be a good time to tell you you’re adopted. 1.2700 0.05291 100 77 19 4
2592 You said you wanted a little brother and Teddy is house broken 1.2700 0.05660 100 79 15 6
2593 You know how you wanted a dog and a new brother....? 1.2697 0.05481 89 68 18 3
2594 Don’t throw a tantrum! It’s only puppy love. 1.2697 0.05481 89 68 18 3
2595 Now Billy, everyone deserves a chance to be a biped. 1.2697 0.05481 89 68 18 3
2596 Don't make me get the leash. 1.2697 0.05929 89 70 14 5
2597 Well, two reasons. First, that little suit doesn’t fit you any more, and, B, I’m going a little stir crazy. 1.2697 0.05709 89 69 16 4
2598 Sorry, I’m moving, and they don’t allow kids. 1.2697 0.05929 89 70 14 5
2599 Look, just because he’s smarter, faster, stronger, and better-behaved, doesn’t mean you should be jealous: after all, you do have opposable thumbs... 1.2697 0.05929 89 70 14 5
2600 Why can’t you be a good dog like your brother? 1.2697 0.05709 89 69 16 4
2601 This is doggy style, son. 1.2697 0.06140 89 71 12 6
2602 Before you get angry, think about how weird this is *for him*. 1.2697 0.05481 89 68 18 3
2603 I am sure fido will let you wear the outfit sometimes 1.2697 0.04993 89 66 22 1
2604 I thought you wanted Mr. Bickels to take your place at Grandma's. 1.2697 0.05709 89 69 16 4
2605 Timmy, don't you think you should show Judy where you buried her bone? 1.2697 0.05481 89 68 18 3
2606 Who's a good boy? You are! Now, can you just heel for Daddy like Sparky is doing? 1.2697 0.05243 89 67 20 2
2607 Don't be sad - an overpriced, overprivileged private elementary school isn't for everyone. 1.2697 0.05243 89 67 20 2
2608 He love walks, why do i have to go? 1.2697 0.05243 89 67 20 2
2609 Petsmart doesn't have your size. 1.2697 0.05243 89 67 20 2
2610 Your lineage just isn't as stellar. 1.2697 0.05481 89 68 18 3
2611 Now let's see if you can learn to bark." 1.2697 0.05709 89 69 16 4
2612 No Bobby, not all twins are identical 1.2697 0.05243 89 67 20 2
2613 C'mon! You know you're my favorite human kid. 1.2697 0.05596 89 70 13 5
2614 And that’s how I met your mother 1.2697 0.05243 89 67 20 2
2615 You are still my second favorite son. 1.2697 0.05709 89 69 16 4
2616 Now Spotty, the dog obeys me, let me see you do the same. 1.2697 0.05929 89 70 14 5
2617 Sorry son. It turns out eating your homework does make her smarter. 1.2697 0.05709 89 69 16 4
2618 Its not my fault he learned how to walk first 1.2697 0.05709 89 69 16 4
2619 There’s no reason for you to think that we don’t love you the same 1.2697 0.05709 89 69 16 4
2620 But you will never have to share your chocolates. 1.2697 0.05481 89 68 18 3
2621 It’s either this or I put you both on leashes. 1.2697 0.05709 89 69 16 4
2622 Jerry you know WE think you’re cute, it’s just that Carter gets so many more likes on Instagram 1.2697 0.05481 89 68 18 3
2623 He is mans best friend. 1.2697 0.05709 89 69 16 4
2624 This is your partner, but I warn you, she dances like she has two left feet. 1.2692 0.05962 78 60 15 3
2625 Cheer up, you’ll always be daddy’s number 2. 1.2688 0.05327 93 71 19 3
2626 We agreed this week you go to Crate Escape and Tippy goes to Great Start DayCare. 1.2688 0.05749 93 73 15 5
2627 Be cool. You're still our baby, even if you don't have fur. 1.2688 0.05749 93 73 15 5
2628 He was playing with the bone first. 1.2688 0.05103 93 70 21 2
2629 Every suit has its day 1.2688 0.05542 93 72 17 4
2630 Life’s a bitch...and so is your sibling! 1.2688 0.05949 93 74 13 6
2631 It's time you learned to pick up your own shit. 1.2680 0.05956 97 78 12 7
2632 I don’t care what he says; you were not adopted, and we love you just as much as your brother. 1.2680 0.05185 97 74 20 3
2633 :" C'mon, let's go on a walk and see how the new diapers work out, for both of you ! " 1.2680 0.05388 97 75 18 4
2634 Now, the only other thing he needs from you are your shoes. 1.2674 0.05830 86 67 15 4
2635 You'll explain why we celebrate his birthday six times as often as yours when you're older 1.2674 0.06060 86 68 13 5
2636 You’re right, Johnny. Your stepmother is a bitch. 1.2674 0.05830 86 67 15 4
2637 Don’t be jealous—I only dress him like this so I don’t get you confused. 1.2674 0.04801 86 63 23 0
2638 Of course Mommy and Daddy love you as much as Mr. Scooter. 1.2674 0.06060 86 68 13 5
2639 What’s in your paw, be a good boy and drop it. 1.2674 0.05591 86 66 17 3
2640 Of course Mommy and I don't love Rufus more than you do! We just think he has more potential. 1.2674 0.05078 86 64 21 1
2641 Well, HE was a good boy! 1.2674 0.05341 86 65 19 2
2642 Son, during the stay at home period the family all agreed he is top dog. 1.2674 0.05341 86 65 19 2
2643 Who's a good boy? That's right, he is! 1.2674 0.05591 86 66 17 3
2644 You’ll get a suit next. 1.2674 0.05830 86 67 15 4
2645 I would give you fancy clothes also, if you would wear them. 1.2674 0.05078 86 64 21 1
2646 Now you get to dress like and pretend to be a dog! 1.2674 0.05591 86 66 17 3
2647 Yes, we're replacing you with the dog. We had to depend on someone after you told us you wanted to be and English major. 1.2674 0.05591 86 66 17 3
2648 I really think you should wear the leash. 1.2674 0.05591 86 66 17 3
2649 As soon as you catch a Frisbee in your teeth while sprinting, you’ll get a new suit too. 1.2674 0.05591 86 66 17 3
2650 Calling his mother a bitch may be technically correct but that doesn't mean you should disrespect her 1.2674 0.05591 86 66 17 3
2651 I told him he could wear your dress-up suite if he promised to undo the appropriate buttons whenever we come upon a hydrant. 1.2674 0.05830 86 67 15 4
2652 Next time, I'll let you dress yourself too! 1.2674 0.05591 86 66 17 3
2653 Timmy, meet your new schoolmate! And she's already potty-trained, so I'm hoping she can teach you a thing or two... 1.2674 0.05078 86 64 21 1
2654 Son, he didn't know it was your cookie. Look, he got all dressed up to make a formal apology! That's no tale!! 1.2674 0.05830 86 67 15 4
2655 Do some of the feelings you have toward your new brother have more to do with your stepmom? 1.2674 0.05341 86 65 19 2
2656 He can even bark in five languages! 1.2674 0.05078 86 64 21 1
2657 Don't cry....somebody has to go to public school. 1.2674 0.06060 86 68 13 5
2658 He has fur, so it’s okay for him to go barefoot and wear shorts in the wintertime. Besides, he doesn’t begrudge you your opposable thumbs, does he? 1.2674 0.05830 86 67 15 4
2659 HE doesn't wet the bed at night. 1.2674 0.05078 86 64 21 1
2660 If you just lend him your Birkenstocks, he's a cinch for Best in Show. 1.2674 0.05341 86 65 19 2
2661 Hey Timmy I already have one bitch of a child , I don’t need another ok pal? 1.2674 0.06282 86 69 11 6
2662 Lassie is ready for the responsibility. She promises to feed you in the morning and evening and take you out for bathroom breaks three times a day. 1.2674 0.05341 86 65 19 2
2663 While the position as favorite child has been filled, we've got a great new opening as family pet. 1.2674 0.05341 86 65 19 2
2664 And when you're housebroken, you can be a good little boy, too. 1.2674 0.05341 86 65 19 2
2665 I thought we were past the leash! Why can't you be more like your brother? 1.2674 0.06060 86 68 13 5
2666 Don't be jealous, Bobby - Scout hasn't figured out how to tie his shoes yet. 1.2674 0.05591 86 66 17 3
2667 C'mon; imagine what a few weeks at Obedience School can do for you. 1.2674 0.05830 86 67 15 4
2668 Son! Even though your mom calls Fido her baby, she still loves you. 1.2674 0.06060 86 68 13 5
2669 For the last time, you can't get neutered like you brother... 1.2674 0.05830 86 67 15 4
2670 Be nice Buddy, everyone in our pod gets treated the same. 1.2674 0.05591 86 66 17 3
2671 okay, big guy, you know the drill. head on over to that ageless, well-dressed professional woman and do something adorably helpless. cry out for momma, chocolate on your face, whatever. then I come up and hit on her. then Baxter snatches her iPhone. 1.2674 0.05591 86 66 17 3
2672 I told you to never call your sister a dog-face again! 1.2674 0.05591 86 66 17 3
2673 Yes, your stepmother is technically a bitch, but I’d like you to stop calling her that. 1.2674 0.06060 86 68 13 5
2674 Don't cry buddy, when you get toilet trained you'll get a little blue suit too. 1.2674 0.05341 86